The Joe Rogan Experience - July 31, 2018


Joe Rogan Experience #1150 - Felipe Esparza


Episode Stats

Length

3 hours and 27 minutes

Words per Minute

182.4

Word Count

37,772

Sentence Count

4,110

Misogynist Sentences

106

Hate Speech Sentences

97


Summary

In this episode, the boys talk about the new border wall and how it's going to affect the border patrol agents that patrol the border, and how the government is planning to build a giant wall along the southern border of the United States. They also talk about how the wall is going to be built and why they think it s a good idea. Also, they talk about why they don t like the idea of a border patrol agent on the job and how they think the government should be able to stop people from crossing over the border into other countries. Finally, the guys talk about what they would do if the government built a wall across the border between Mexico and California, and what it would do to the border guards that would be tasked with protecting the border from other people and the people on the other side of the border who want to get over the wall. The boys also discuss the fear that the wall will be built along the border and how that could affect their lives. We also discuss how they would like to see the wall built and how much money it would take to build it and why it s going to work. And of course, we talk about some of the craziest things that have been proposed to stop other people from getting in and out of their own land. Thanks for listening to this episode of the boys, and stay tuned for the next one! Cheers! Cheers, Felipe and the boys! -Eduardo and the crew. -Jonah and the gang! Jonah and Alex Thanks to our good friend Jonah and thanks to our sponsor, for sponsoring this episode & Jonah for producing this episode and . and , for producing the music, for making the music and , and for making this episode. and for giving us a chance to be featured on the intro and out our first song, we really hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much, Jonah, for making us all a chance at the end. Thank you Jonah is so much more than we can handle it, and we really appreciate it, thank you, and so much love, and appreciate you for coming out and appreciate all the love and support and support, and support us, and thank you for all the support. the support we get back and support you back, we appreciate you back and back and love you, so much back and more.


Transcript

00:00:02.000 Here we go.
00:00:03.000 Three, two, one.
00:00:06.000 Fucking yee-haw, Felipe.
00:00:08.000 How are you, sir?
00:00:08.000 What's up, fool?
00:00:09.000 Good, man.
00:00:10.000 Thanks for having me.
00:00:11.000 Did you have to say that?
00:00:11.000 I don't know.
00:00:12.000 It seems like it happened.
00:00:13.000 You said, what's up, dude?
00:00:15.000 And then you said, what's up, fool?
00:00:17.000 You corrected yourself.
00:00:18.000 Yeah.
00:00:18.000 I'm slipping.
00:00:20.000 When you have such a cool saying, like you do, you almost feel compelled to use it.
00:00:25.000 Yeah.
00:00:26.000 It all started like, people in my neighborhood would answer the phone like that.
00:00:29.000 Oh, really?
00:00:30.000 I was dating this girl and I called her up and her brother answered her phone.
00:00:32.000 What's up, fool?
00:00:34.000 Yeah, it's normal, right?
00:00:35.000 Yeah.
00:00:35.000 That is a cool Mexican thing to say.
00:00:39.000 No, probably more like the hood.
00:00:41.000 The hood?
00:00:41.000 More like the West Coast hoodie.
00:00:43.000 West Coast hood that's not necessarily Mexican?
00:00:45.000 South Central.
00:00:46.000 Mexican and blacks.
00:00:47.000 We took it from the blacks.
00:00:48.000 Oh, okay.
00:00:50.000 But mostly like West Coast, South Central, East LA, Boyle Heights.
00:00:54.000 Boyle Heights in the house.
00:00:55.000 Yeah, man.
00:00:57.000 This is a contentious time for fucking people when it comes to Mexicans and Americans with this whole wall thing.
00:01:08.000 Yeah.
00:01:09.000 I went to go to look at the walls, because I went to Mexico, Tijuana, and I was right at the border of the gate.
00:01:18.000 The gate is not a wall, it's just a gate.
00:01:22.000 And across from the gate, they have eight wall prototypes.
00:01:27.000 Eight wall prototypes.
00:01:29.000 There's one wall.
00:01:31.000 That's like, it's a wall with cement and it has concrete.
00:01:35.000 Then there's another wall that's different.
00:01:37.000 And then another wall.
00:01:38.000 It's like, you know when you go buy tile for your house?
00:01:41.000 Yeah.
00:01:42.000 And they show you all the tiles.
00:01:43.000 Oh, wow.
00:01:45.000 Those are what the walls are.
00:01:46.000 Like those little Home Depot.
00:01:48.000 Yes.
00:01:49.000 Like a sign, like a placard with different...
00:01:52.000 Wow, look at that.
00:01:52.000 That's it.
00:01:53.000 I was there.
00:01:54.000 I was right in front of that.
00:01:56.000 Each one of those, I think, cost $25 million.
00:01:59.000 Each wall.
00:02:00.000 Each one.
00:02:00.000 Each little fake one?
00:02:01.000 Yeah.
00:02:02.000 What?
00:02:03.000 Someone's getting robbed.
00:02:05.000 There's some contractors right now in New Jersey going, wait, wait, hey, hey, what the fuck?
00:02:11.000 I could do that for 30 grand!
00:02:16.000 Anytime you have a wall, historically, shit goes down, right?
00:02:21.000 People want to get over that wall.
00:02:23.000 It's natural.
00:02:24.000 People want to get out.
00:02:25.000 People want to get in.
00:02:28.000 It's going to be tough.
00:02:29.000 And here's what the craziest shit about the wall.
00:02:31.000 I'm sure you've seen where it goes into the ocean.
00:02:34.000 Yeah, I was there.
00:02:35.000 Shh!
00:02:36.000 Like, how are you going to stop people from going around that?
00:02:39.000 That is the silliest thing ever.
00:02:40.000 That is like having this gigantic, huge...
00:02:44.000 There it is.
00:02:45.000 The freedom wall.
00:02:46.000 That is like having a gigantic, huge, impenetrable boundary, but on one side, there's just like a door.
00:02:53.000 Yeah.
00:02:54.000 That's a door.
00:02:55.000 You can go right around that.
00:02:56.000 I mean, it'd be hard to bring all your shit.
00:02:58.000 So what happens?
00:03:00.000 These guys right there are on the Mexico side, and those guys over there are on the California side.
00:03:05.000 Like, that is the weirdest shit ever.
00:03:08.000 They play volleyball with each other.
00:03:09.000 Do they?
00:03:10.000 Yeah.
00:03:10.000 Really?
00:03:11.000 Wow.
00:03:12.000 God, that's so crazy.
00:03:14.000 They added another piece to that wall right there.
00:03:16.000 So that wall, that's an old wall.
00:03:18.000 See, that's the construction of the wall that I saw now.
00:03:22.000 Yeah.
00:03:24.000 You can still swim, but as soon as you swim, you know, probably the coast cars will come get you.
00:03:29.000 That is so crazy.
00:03:31.000 Just what a strange...
00:03:32.000 And people are like, oh, yeah, you don't want a wall?
00:03:35.000 Relax.
00:03:35.000 I haven't said any of that.
00:03:37.000 I'm not saying that.
00:03:38.000 I'm saying just look at this just as a...
00:03:41.000 Use your brain.
00:03:42.000 Just look at this objectively and see how bizarre it is that there's a gigantic physical boundary that keeps certain people...
00:03:52.000 From going into a certain area.
00:03:55.000 I mean, I think that one day, that has to not be a thing anymore.
00:04:01.000 Right?
00:04:01.000 Wouldn't you say?
00:04:05.000 That is a crazy thing to justify.
00:04:07.000 Like, you can't come to the good spots.
00:04:09.000 Like, the good spots are limited.
00:04:11.000 Well, if they let people in, then there'll be no more good spot.
00:04:15.000 It'll be just like the bad spots.
00:04:16.000 That's the fear.
00:04:19.000 Here's the thing man, that's not an imperfect fear.
00:04:24.000 It's not a fear that's not totally illogical either, right?
00:04:28.000 You would be worried if you lived in a sweet place like, name a city, not too many people, perfect size.
00:04:38.000 Boulder, Colorado.
00:04:39.000 Yeah, Boulder's cool.
00:04:40.000 Cool as fuck.
00:04:41.000 Everybody's nice.
00:04:42.000 What if a million more people moved into Boulder?
00:04:49.000 Now all of a sudden it's a million, one hundred thousand.
00:04:52.000 You're like, what the fuck?
00:04:53.000 What the fuck is this?
00:04:54.000 You can't go anywhere now.
00:04:55.000 Everybody's rude.
00:04:57.000 People start getting antsy.
00:04:58.000 The way they drive, they drive faster.
00:05:00.000 That's what happens.
00:05:01.000 More gangs?
00:05:05.000 How do you fix that?
00:05:06.000 That's what we need to fix, not like whether or not there's a wall.
00:05:09.000 How do you fix people from getting crazy?
00:05:12.000 I know, man.
00:05:14.000 Sooner or later, Boulder, Colorado would probably have a subway system to get all those people off the streets.
00:05:19.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:05:22.000 If they did have a couple million people move there, like, bam, start moving shit, it would change radically.
00:05:30.000 That's what happens to places.
00:05:32.000 You get too many people, they just fucking change.
00:05:37.000 It's still strange as fuck to see a wall.
00:05:41.000 It is, man.
00:05:42.000 Why don't you let him into your house?
00:05:44.000 I'm not saying that.
00:05:45.000 I get it.
00:05:45.000 But it gets so right-wingy, left-wingy about this.
00:05:50.000 They do, man.
00:05:50.000 What did you just take to comedy?
00:05:52.000 Yeah, all I'm saying is it's weird.
00:05:54.000 It's fucking weird.
00:05:57.000 It seems to be something that should be perhaps re-examined.
00:06:00.000 This idea of...
00:06:03.000 It's almost like we have weird parents that we have to listen to for our whole life.
00:06:07.000 Those parents are the government.
00:06:09.000 I know.
00:06:10.000 When I was a little boy, I was living in Mexico.
00:06:13.000 And my mother, she used to tie me up to a stump so I would run away.
00:06:20.000 Holy shit, son.
00:06:21.000 Because I used to follow my dad to work every day.
00:06:23.000 My dad was like, I think he was like a steel worker or something.
00:06:28.000 He worked on a lathe.
00:06:30.000 So he worked with metal all the time.
00:06:32.000 And I would follow him to work every day because I was a bored little kid, I guess.
00:06:37.000 And I would run away every day and my mom would tie me up to a little street store with a rope.
00:06:42.000 Wow.
00:06:43.000 I was her pet, basically.
00:06:45.000 Jesus Christ.
00:06:47.000 Holy shit.
00:06:51.000 That's a weird memory.
00:06:52.000 I know, right?
00:06:54.000 I remember I lived in Mexico for a little while.
00:06:58.000 So I was three or four.
00:07:00.000 Then my dad took off.
00:07:02.000 Do you remember Mexico at all?
00:07:03.000 I remember a bathroom was outside.
00:07:07.000 Like an outhouse.
00:07:08.000 And we had to use a flashlight to go outside.
00:07:11.000 Wow.
00:07:11.000 I remember mosquitoes everywhere and my mom's family all living in one big ranch with different houses.
00:07:19.000 And it was fucking dusty.
00:07:21.000 I mean, it was dusty.
00:07:22.000 I was living in Sinaloa, Mexico.
00:07:24.000 Right.
00:07:25.000 And there used to be a truck that would water the ground every day because it was too dusty and there was no cement.
00:07:33.000 Right.
00:07:34.000 But then my dad took off to the United States and we followed him.
00:07:40.000 We were living in Tijuana, Mexico for about two years.
00:07:45.000 Do you remember how you got through?
00:07:46.000 Yeah.
00:07:48.000 My dad made it through first, started another family, then came and got us.
00:07:53.000 No, but that's what I thought.
00:07:55.000 He was gone for a long time, man.
00:07:58.000 And then we were living with my aunt.
00:08:01.000 Her name was Julia, and she lived in Tijuana, Mexico, right next to where that gate is.
00:08:06.000 Colonia 13, what's up?
00:08:08.000 And...
00:08:10.000 We went across with a coyote, you know, a smuggler.
00:08:15.000 My mom paid him money and we got in his car.
00:08:18.000 We crossed.
00:08:19.000 We made it through.
00:08:20.000 I remember we made it through, but there was like a checkpoint back in the day in San Clemente, California.
00:08:26.000 The California sheriff's department, the county sheriffs, they would randomly stop cars, you know, like too many people in one car, this car's too heavy.
00:08:35.000 So they got us and they put us in a holding cell.
00:08:39.000 My mom went one way, we went the other way.
00:08:43.000 How old were you?
00:08:44.000 I was probably four maybe or five, I don't remember.
00:08:49.000 But it was three little brothers I have.
00:08:51.000 My little brother was like three, and the other one was one or two.
00:08:55.000 Why would they separate you from your mom?
00:08:58.000 I don't know.
00:08:58.000 I guess that's how they process wetbacks or illegal people.
00:09:02.000 That seems kind of crazy.
00:09:04.000 She went to one where, and I don't know what...
00:09:06.000 I don't remember crying or being scared.
00:09:09.000 I just know that we were watching cartoons, you know?
00:09:12.000 Wow.
00:09:12.000 American cartoons.
00:09:14.000 That's all you remember?
00:09:16.000 And then they caught us...
00:09:18.000 We went back again, and they caught us again in another car, and we got separated again.
00:09:25.000 But this time we were held for a longer time, and I remember my aunt, when she saw us in Mexico, she said, ha ha, they caught you guys again.
00:09:34.000 Just jokingly.
00:09:35.000 Wow.
00:09:36.000 But the third time was like, my aunt and my mom came up with this crazy idea, because we had brothers.
00:09:43.000 No, we had cousins in San Francisco, California, and My mom said, you know, why don't we just borrow their passports, you know, to cross.
00:09:54.000 And I don't remember this, you know, I just found out recently that what happened, my brother told me.
00:10:00.000 My little young brother, we dressed him up like a little girl.
00:10:05.000 Like a full-on little girl.
00:10:07.000 Because we had like three passports and two were boys, one was girl and we took straws I guess.
00:10:14.000 And my mom and my aunt, they forced my little brother to be a little girl.
00:10:20.000 How'd they make him look like a girl?
00:10:21.000 They dressed him like a little girl for two weeks just to play around, you know.
00:10:25.000 They gave him a fake name and so and so.
00:10:29.000 And he was playing, you know, dancing, Noah, Noah.
00:10:32.000 You know, dancing, getting ready, playing with little Barbie dolls.
00:10:35.000 So he was preparing, trying to be a girl.
00:10:36.000 Preparing, bro.
00:10:37.000 De Niro, bro.
00:10:38.000 Wow, De Niro.
00:10:39.000 Getting ready for that role of his life.
00:10:41.000 Wow.
00:10:43.000 How old was he?
00:10:44.000 He was two at least, or three.
00:10:46.000 Man, he was young.
00:10:50.000 Wow.
00:10:54.000 So we crossed...
00:10:56.000 And we made it all the way.
00:10:58.000 And I remember that some other car picked us up.
00:11:03.000 We jumped in another car right away.
00:11:05.000 And then we jumped in another car.
00:11:08.000 And then that car drove us to Southern California.
00:11:11.000 We were like in Compton somewhere.
00:11:14.000 And Carson.
00:11:15.000 We were in a house that had...
00:11:17.000 It was funny.
00:11:18.000 It was like a hub for illegal immigrants.
00:11:21.000 Like everybody there was going to different places.
00:11:24.000 Okay, Juan, you're going to go to St. Louis.
00:11:26.000 This guy, you're going to go to San Diego.
00:11:28.000 This lady, her three kids, they're going to go to Boyle Heights because that's where their father is.
00:11:33.000 So we ended up going to Boyle Heights.
00:11:36.000 They didn't speak no English at all.
00:11:40.000 But I picked up English right away, you know, because you're little, like watching Bionic Woman and shit, Six Million Dollar Man, Incredible Hulk, Dukes of Hazzard.
00:11:50.000 So you basically picked it up from TV? Yeah.
00:11:53.000 Really?
00:11:53.000 Them Dukes!
00:11:56.000 But what kind of lessons did you take?
00:12:01.000 Less than what?
00:12:01.000 In English.
00:12:02.000 Oh, none.
00:12:03.000 Zero.
00:12:04.000 When I was in elementary school, it was different from now.
00:12:07.000 There was no, like, separating these kids who don't speak Spanish and put them in English as a second language class.
00:12:15.000 I started in kindergarten, so...
00:12:19.000 So you just picked it up?
00:12:20.000 I picked it up.
00:12:20.000 That is crazy.
00:12:21.000 The teacher never spoke Spanish to us.
00:12:23.000 She never said, okay, Juan, you know what Apple is?
00:12:27.000 Nah, it wasn't nothing like that.
00:12:28.000 It was like, I don't got time for you.
00:12:31.000 You're going to pick it up or not.
00:12:32.000 Do you think it was because you were so young, your brain could pick up another language really quickly?
00:12:38.000 Isn't that what they say?
00:12:39.000 Like young people, their brains pick up languages quicker?
00:12:43.000 I think I picked it up really fast, but just my pronunciation was not there.
00:12:47.000 Right.
00:12:48.000 Like, I didn't know how to say bionic.
00:12:49.000 I would say b'lion.
00:12:50.000 That kind of makes sense, right?
00:12:52.000 That a part of your brain would really develop and make it real easy to learn a language when it's really young.
00:12:58.000 You know, like, okay, how do I say this?
00:13:00.000 You, like, give more of a desperation for figuring it out.
00:13:03.000 But I bet you a little kid that comes from another country like you did, well, you're a perfect example.
00:13:08.000 You learn from TV. That's crazy.
00:13:11.000 So you learned from just talking to people that were around you and television.
00:13:16.000 Television.
00:13:17.000 Nobody's saying, this is how you say this is a pronoun, this is a noun, this is a verb.
00:13:22.000 No one's telling you any of that.
00:13:23.000 Nobody told me that.
00:13:25.000 But later I had a cousin who lived in Santa Paula and she taught me That stuff.
00:13:32.000 This is how you say this word.
00:13:34.000 We'll play school together.
00:13:37.000 She'll give me assignments.
00:13:39.000 She'll pretend to be a teacher and then I'll read.
00:13:41.000 You know what, man?
00:13:42.000 For little kids, that should be fascinating.
00:13:45.000 Learning how to speak a language.
00:13:46.000 But for whatever reason, we decide that it's boring.
00:13:49.000 Like, learning a language is like, oh, it's so much work.
00:13:52.000 I gotta read another book.
00:13:54.000 Yeah, fuck that, dude.
00:13:56.000 Fuck, I'm gonna fuck up another book report.
00:13:57.000 People give you an out.
00:13:58.000 You're like, come on, man, just get Rosetta Stone.
00:14:00.000 I'm like, oh, man.
00:14:02.000 Imagine trying to learn Chinese.
00:14:04.000 Like, what are you saying?
00:14:06.000 I'm going to learn how to read it too?
00:14:08.000 I could read that stuff and say it?
00:14:11.000 How much time would that take?
00:14:13.000 That would be crazy.
00:14:14.000 I took German in high school for like a whole year and I got an eighth in my class, but I didn't learn anything.
00:14:21.000 See, for me, I think everything gets super squirrely with unusual languages that use things other than our letters.
00:14:30.000 As soon as you use things other than our letters, like you see Russian, you're like, ah!
00:14:34.000 What the fuck is that?
00:14:37.000 They have totally different ways of using our letters.
00:14:42.000 Pull up some Russian.
00:14:45.000 Pull up like Russian translation.
00:14:47.000 Like Russians have, they got Y's in there and X's and shit.
00:14:52.000 Yeah, it's such a powerful language.
00:14:56.000 It looks like, almost like Viking runes or something like that sometimes.
00:15:00.000 Like Braille.
00:15:01.000 It's a crazy looking language.
00:15:04.000 Like another one is Arabic.
00:15:07.000 Arabic's a crazy looking language.
00:15:08.000 Like look at that.
00:15:09.000 What the hell is that, man?
00:15:12.000 What is that?
00:15:13.000 That's something you'll see in the movie of Indiana Jones.
00:15:15.000 What is that thing that looks like a spade with a knife through its heart?
00:15:21.000 Yeah, that thing right there.
00:15:23.000 What is that?
00:15:27.000 Right.
00:15:27.000 Look at that.
00:15:28.000 Like, what is that called?
00:15:30.000 Krillic?
00:15:31.000 They call it Krillic?
00:15:32.000 Okay, look at the language.
00:15:33.000 Like, look at it when you see it written down.
00:15:35.000 Look at that weird double K thing.
00:15:38.000 K left, K east, K... Look at that one!
00:15:41.000 Looks like a crown.
00:15:42.000 It'll be funny to watch Russian Wheel of Fortune!
00:15:45.000 Give me the B that looks like a six!
00:15:48.000 But they have R letters too, but they're backwards.
00:15:51.000 Like, look at that again.
00:15:52.000 It's almost like...
00:15:54.000 Look how they have R's, but they have a backwards capital R. What?
00:16:00.000 They have a backwards lowercase n, it looks like.
00:16:03.000 That's insane.
00:16:05.000 Like, look at that U. That U with a big dick.
00:16:07.000 What is that?
00:16:08.000 There's a U with a big dick, and there's a U with two dicks.
00:16:11.000 Look at the V that looks like a chair.
00:16:13.000 Yeah, this is a fascinating language.
00:16:16.000 R is P. S is C. I think if we lived on another planet, And we were observing a giant culture that had nuclear power.
00:16:27.000 But they all hadn't even agreed on the same language yet.
00:16:30.000 We'd be like, what are these crazy assholes doing?
00:16:33.000 What are they doing?
00:16:34.000 They're all speaking different.
00:16:35.000 They can't understand each other.
00:16:37.000 They all have nuclear power and they can't understand each other.
00:16:39.000 So you're relying on translators and people to speak for you and representatives.
00:16:45.000 I know, man.
00:16:46.000 I watched that movie, Clothing Council, for the first time on mushrooms.
00:16:51.000 Whoa.
00:16:51.000 Man, man.
00:16:53.000 Dude.
00:16:54.000 You're right about communication.
00:16:55.000 They're communicating with the UFOs, and the UFOs could think...
00:16:58.000 Yeah.
00:17:03.000 Didn't they have a hand thing that they would do with it?
00:17:06.000 That was amazing.
00:17:07.000 I always wonder, what if we're...
00:17:09.000 Humans always think that they know...
00:17:13.000 What the other person might be saying.
00:17:15.000 Right.
00:17:15.000 But what if the whole time you're detonating a bomb with each other?
00:17:20.000 Well, the problem is what they're saying means different things in different cultures, too.
00:17:26.000 Just on Earth, people just have different styles of living.
00:17:31.000 You can't tell them they're wrong in Africa or they're right in Norwegian.
00:17:35.000 Norwegian.
00:17:37.000 What is Norway?
00:17:39.000 Norway.
00:17:39.000 How funny is that in Norwegian?
00:17:41.000 I'm trying to come up with a cold weather.
00:17:43.000 I was in the middle of Iceland.
00:17:45.000 I should have went with Iceland.
00:17:47.000 But any place like that, these freezing climates, who's right?
00:17:52.000 Who's, you know, I don't know.
00:17:54.000 Who's right?
00:17:55.000 Like in Argentina, we had a guest on our podcast.
00:17:58.000 He said that when they were performing, he said that they were spitting at them.
00:18:04.000 And he goes, why were they spitting at you?
00:18:05.000 Because that's how they say we love you in Argentina when you're performing.
00:18:08.000 They spit at you.
00:18:09.000 I'm like, fuck that.
00:18:11.000 People do weird shit and they get used to it, right?
00:18:14.000 How about in Iceland, they eat this crazy shark.
00:18:18.000 It's like a fermented shark.
00:18:22.000 And it's supposed to be disgusting for everybody else but them.
00:18:26.000 Like, they love it.
00:18:28.000 It's like a delicacy.
00:18:30.000 And Bourdain ate it and he said it was disgusting.
00:18:34.000 A bunch of people have eaten it on TV shows and shit and been like, what the fuck?
00:18:38.000 What kind of shark is it?
00:18:40.000 Some kind of fermented shark.
00:18:42.000 Iceland people are some strong fucking people, man.
00:18:46.000 Those people live in Iceland.
00:18:47.000 Just think about how hardy you have to be.
00:18:52.000 Those are huge, man.
00:18:53.000 I've seen a video of them working out.
00:18:55.000 Yeah, there's like a disproportionate number of the world's strongest men have come from Iceland.
00:19:00.000 Big-ass Paul Bunyan motherfuckers.
00:19:01.000 Giant motherfuckers.
00:19:03.000 They probably drink a lot of fucking beer too, huh?
00:19:05.000 Probably drink whatever the fuck they want.
00:19:08.000 Those are Vikings, man.
00:19:09.000 That's what's left over.
00:19:11.000 That's what's left over the Vikings.
00:19:13.000 Back before guns?
00:19:15.000 It's like that just ran through villages, man.
00:19:19.000 Paris motherfuckers.
00:19:20.000 Those are the last remnants.
00:19:21.000 Once people started developing guns, then it became a fair fight.
00:19:25.000 Then it's like, oh, okay.
00:19:27.000 Before that, man, the Vikings showed up.
00:19:30.000 You were fucksville.
00:19:32.000 That was no bueno.
00:19:34.000 Heavy ass swords too.
00:19:36.000 Giant swords.
00:19:37.000 If there was an actual country filled with people as big as those strongest men guys and they decided to just take over.
00:19:46.000 There was no guns.
00:19:47.000 They just take over.
00:19:49.000 That's how it works.
00:19:49.000 Arrows are not good enough.
00:19:52.000 Catapults, not good enough.
00:19:54.000 Start stabbing them in the legs.
00:19:56.000 Yeah.
00:19:57.000 That's a good move.
00:19:58.000 That's always a good move.
00:20:00.000 Like little hyenas, bro.
00:20:02.000 Just wait for the motherfuckers.
00:20:03.000 What do you think it would be like if everybody spoke the same language?
00:20:06.000 Do you think if the world spoke one language, things would be better?
00:20:10.000 Or would find other shit to hate each other for?
00:20:13.000 I think sooner or later somebody would make up their own language.
00:20:17.000 A little slang like, we're not gonna call him Mike, we're gonna call him shithead, okay?
00:20:23.000 For fun, right?
00:20:24.000 Especially if people get too control-y with the language.
00:20:28.000 Don't say that word, don't say this word.
00:20:30.000 As soon as people get control-y with the language, like, let's make our own shit.
00:20:35.000 Like, I was called problematic one time.
00:20:38.000 For what?
00:20:39.000 What'd you do?
00:20:40.000 I did a show and this lady went on and goes, oh he's problematic, he's, what do you say, he's mass chauvinist, what's that word?
00:20:49.000 Male chauvinist?
00:20:50.000 Yes.
00:20:51.000 Yeah.
00:20:52.000 I just did one joke, but she heard like the trigger word, I guess.
00:20:56.000 Right.
00:20:57.000 That set her off, so I guess she didn't wait for the punchline.
00:21:01.000 I've had that happen.
00:21:02.000 But it's weird, like, lady, you should understand, you know, You walked into my show with your friends, they should've just warned you that I say words, but you gotta wait for the punchline, bitch!
00:21:15.000 Yeah, there's a turn coming up here.
00:21:18.000 Just hang in there.
00:21:18.000 I remember doing this show, and I was just talking about my brother coming in and out of prison a lot, and they booked me for the show, it wasn't that much, $200.
00:21:28.000 And I told my friend, this comedian I had worked with, Steve Fly, he's fucking dirty.
00:21:33.000 I told him, please, bro, just be clean for 10 minutes.
00:21:36.000 Please.
00:21:37.000 No surprises, bro.
00:21:38.000 Don't put your pants down.
00:21:39.000 Just a quick 8 if you have it.
00:21:42.000 So he did a quick 850. Solid.
00:21:45.000 Killed it.
00:21:46.000 I went up there.
00:21:47.000 I was doing okay.
00:21:49.000 I started talking about whatever, stretch marks, this and that.
00:21:52.000 Then I said, my brother been in and out of prison a lot.
00:21:55.000 Every time he comes out worse.
00:21:57.000 The first time he came out a better thief.
00:22:00.000 The second time, he came out racist.
00:22:02.000 Like, total racist.
00:22:04.000 A Mexican guy.
00:22:05.000 And then the third time, he came out even worse, man.
00:22:08.000 He came out a born-again Christian.
00:22:10.000 And they took my microphone away from me.
00:22:13.000 She didn't wait for the punchline.
00:22:15.000 Like, he don't steal no more.
00:22:16.000 He blesses himself.
00:22:18.000 You know, and then she just took the microphone away, this fat lady, and she said, that's enough for Mr. Felipe Esparza.
00:22:24.000 That is so crazy.
00:22:26.000 They don't let you say that.
00:22:28.000 Just think of how foolish that is, to stop you from saying that.
00:22:33.000 Like, this is a problem.
00:22:35.000 This is a problem that people have, they feel righteous.
00:22:37.000 When you're talking about stand-up comedy in particular, when you're setting up a joke like that, you're taking them for a ride.
00:22:44.000 They don't know what you're gonna say next.
00:22:47.000 You know, and it's funny.
00:22:48.000 To pretend that it's not funny because it's talking about a certain subject is just crazy.
00:22:53.000 Because it's not about not being able to talk about subjects.
00:22:56.000 It should be, like, if someone has a heinous perspective, like, hey, I don't have a problem if kids get raped and killed.
00:23:04.000 And they start trying to make a joke about that.
00:23:06.000 Fuck, man.
00:23:08.000 Good luck.
00:23:09.000 You're on your own.
00:23:10.000 You have an obviously heinous perspective, but that's not a heinous perspective.
00:23:14.000 What you're doing, talking about a guy going to jail and getting worse every time he comes out, that's also a reality.
00:23:20.000 It is.
00:23:21.000 It is a reality.
00:23:22.000 And for people to deny that, people become hardened criminals because they've been in the joint three, four times.
00:23:28.000 The joint?
00:23:29.000 What am I, living in the 50s?
00:23:34.000 Come on, man.
00:23:35.000 That's crazy to deny that.
00:23:36.000 But you're in there with fucking criminals and you know, you're stuck in a cage.
00:23:40.000 Of course, you're gonna come out worse.
00:23:42.000 That's where it's fucked up, right?
00:23:44.000 It's like nobody's getting any better at doing that.
00:23:46.000 No, no one ever re-engineers the whole prison system.
00:23:49.000 No one ever re-engineers the whole people system and looks and goes why why we just continue to have crime emanate out of these Unfortunate areas.
00:23:59.000 If you just fix those areas, is it possible that you could have no extreme poverty on earth?
00:24:08.000 Is it possible?
00:24:08.000 Do we have enough resources?
00:24:10.000 Does anybody know?
00:24:12.000 Do people think that in order to live the way we live now, that somebody somewhere has to live in extreme poverty?
00:24:19.000 Is that what they think?
00:24:21.000 Or is it just a spot we're stuck at?
00:24:24.000 Well, I think the only thing that would happen if nobody really, it would just be middle class and poor.
00:24:32.000 Then everybody would have something.
00:24:34.000 Yeah.
00:24:35.000 Because right now it's just rich and middle class and poor.
00:24:38.000 The rich would have to give half to the middle class and the middle class to give some of it to the poor.
00:24:42.000 Jesus.
00:24:43.000 Not enough money to go around.
00:24:45.000 Sorry.
00:24:46.000 Yeah, is that real?
00:24:48.000 Like if we had all the resources on us.
00:24:50.000 We don't really need resources.
00:24:51.000 We just need people to volunteer, man.
00:24:53.000 Volunteer for what?
00:24:54.000 To help people.
00:24:55.000 Like, okay, you care about dogs so much.
00:24:57.000 I don't see you working, putting in eight hours at no shelter.
00:25:01.000 Walking these dogs for free.
00:25:04.000 What does it say?
00:25:04.000 Billionaires make so much money last year, they could end extreme poverty seven times.
00:25:09.000 Jesus Christ.
00:25:11.000 Where's the profit in that?
00:25:12.000 Oh my God.
00:25:13.000 That is crazy.
00:25:15.000 Roughly six out of the seven, the top 500 richest people saw their net worth.
00:25:20.000 The net wealth created this year is a staggering $259.4 billion.
00:25:25.000 Here are the top five richest people who saw massive gains this year.
00:25:29.000 Oh boy, Jeff Bezos, in the house, CEO of Amazon, $35 billion to his net worth this year.
00:25:37.000 Holy shit!
00:25:38.000 I don't know how to say this gentleman's name.
00:25:42.000 Evergrande's chairman's bank account grew 25 billion.
00:25:45.000 Yeah, these guys are they're fucking making cash, baby.
00:25:48.000 What's his name?
00:25:49.000 Bernard what?
00:25:50.000 Bernard Arnault.
00:25:51.000 Look at him.
00:25:52.000 Cash, baby.
00:25:53.000 24 billion.
00:25:54.000 Mark Zuckerberg.
00:25:55.000 Zuckerberg in the house.
00:25:57.000 24 billion.
00:25:58.000 Jesus Christ, that's a lot of money.
00:26:00.000 Woo!
00:26:01.000 Yeah, there's some...
00:26:02.000 But here's the thing, man.
00:26:03.000 If you're going to have a game, and I'm not advocating for capitalism or communism or socialism.
00:26:09.000 I'm not advocating for anything.
00:26:10.000 What I'm going to say, if you're going to have a game, and you're trying to figure out how much of a certain thing, and if you own that thing, you could do way more stuff.
00:26:23.000 You could buy a private jet.
00:26:25.000 You could get a big house.
00:26:26.000 So what is it...
00:26:28.000 What are the steps you have to take in order to get that thing?
00:26:32.000 And is there too much?
00:26:35.000 Could someone have all of it and everybody else have zero?
00:26:38.000 Is that possible?
00:26:39.000 What if there's no rule that says you have to do something with it either?
00:26:43.000 Like you could just collect it all and burn it.
00:26:46.000 But that'd be an asshole move.
00:26:47.000 But in every game, there's rules, right?
00:26:50.000 Technically, there's no rule here that says Bezos couldn't just win it.
00:26:54.000 For sure.
00:26:55.000 For sure.
00:26:55.000 No, I'm not saying...
00:26:57.000 What I'm saying is, is it possible that someone could get to a point where they have all the money?
00:27:04.000 I mean, if this is...
00:27:05.000 I think it happened before.
00:27:07.000 I think J.P. Morgan had all the money at one time.
00:27:10.000 Did he really?
00:27:12.000 Yes.
00:27:12.000 And I saw that documentary, The Man Who Built America.
00:27:17.000 At one time, he held a monopoly on all the steel in the world.
00:27:22.000 Well, one thing that people really resist is if you try to make new money.
00:27:27.000 That's why people are really edgy about Bitcoin.
00:27:30.000 They're like, hey, what?
00:27:32.000 What the fuck's going on?
00:27:33.000 This is their own real money?
00:27:34.000 They're buying houses with Bitcoin?
00:27:36.000 People are selling houses with Bitcoin.
00:27:39.000 Oh!
00:27:41.000 Listen, man, in this day and age, with the kind of trust that people have in government, in government decisions when it comes to economics, that Bitcoin stuff, any cryptocurrency stuff becomes more and more interesting to people.
00:27:55.000 Because they go, these crazy fuckers aren't fixing nothing, man.
00:27:58.000 When I was living in, well, I grew up in Pico Aliso Gardens, Aliso Village Housing Projects, a lot of our, my mom didn't have money in the bank at first.
00:28:11.000 Our neighbors didn't have money in the bank, so they started their own little bank.
00:28:15.000 Like, we have this thing called, I don't know how to say it in English, called Condina.
00:28:20.000 We get like, I guess, 10 families that we know, and every week somebody puts $100 in the pot.
00:28:27.000 So there's 10 of us, and everybody puts $100, and we all take turns every week collecting the pot.
00:28:34.000 So you and I and him and seven other people, we put in $100, that's $1,000, so this week Joe Rogan gets it.
00:28:42.000 And next week, everybody puts in $100 again, and this time he takes it.
00:28:46.000 He gets $100,000.
00:28:47.000 And then the next week, I get $1,000.
00:28:50.000 So everybody makes $1,000.
00:28:52.000 So that would be like the way we used to loan each other out money in the hood.
00:28:56.000 It works out on the honor system, but it never fails because usually if one guy doesn't want to pay Something will happen, like, you know, it'll look bad on his family in Mexico, or we'll go hunt that fool down.
00:29:13.000 But I used to do that.
00:29:15.000 I used to be the guy that used to collect all the money from these people.
00:29:19.000 When I was a little boy, I was like 12, 13 years old, walking in a neighborhood with $1,000 in cash and passing it to this house.
00:29:27.000 But no one knew this, but this is how money marketing worked in the neighborhood.
00:29:32.000 Wow.
00:29:33.000 Everybody was borrowing from somebody.
00:29:36.000 Could not work on a loan of $1,000.
00:29:38.000 Right.
00:29:39.000 Dude, that's interesting, man.
00:29:40.000 That's a really cool way to handle it.
00:29:43.000 That's a cool game.
00:29:44.000 Like a social game that everybody's playing with each other.
00:29:48.000 That's a cool way to do it.
00:29:50.000 I mean, comics could do it if they got together.
00:29:53.000 Oh, fuck yeah.
00:29:54.000 You can't pay a rent?
00:29:55.000 Okay, let's fight 10 people, put in $100 each.
00:29:58.000 That's a great idea, man.
00:30:00.000 That's a great idea.
00:30:02.000 And just pass it around.
00:30:04.000 That's a fucking great idea, man.
00:30:06.000 That's a social security that you'd be happy to contribute to.
00:30:10.000 Yes.
00:30:10.000 Get a group of your friends and do that.
00:30:13.000 That's super smart.
00:30:14.000 Because then you get these little bursts of a big chunk of money.
00:30:18.000 Yes.
00:30:18.000 Yeah, man.
00:30:20.000 I like it.
00:30:21.000 That's a social thing, too, right?
00:30:22.000 Yeah.
00:30:23.000 I don't know who came up with it, but that's the thing we had.
00:30:25.000 But it's cool, like a cool social thing.
00:30:28.000 You know, it's something that keeps people communicating with each other and talking about shit and getting excited about it.
00:30:34.000 That's badass, man.
00:30:36.000 My mom was a hustler, man.
00:30:37.000 My mom sold.
00:30:38.000 We used to go to...
00:30:39.000 Because I live in Boyle Heights and we're next to downtown LA and there's so many, like...
00:30:44.000 So many fucking factories.
00:30:46.000 And...
00:30:48.000 My mom knew, like, she used to know where everything was.
00:30:51.000 We used to go to this one factory and this trash can would throw, they would, in a trash can, like in a bin, it was nothing but synthetic cotton.
00:31:01.000 So it was like this fake cotton made out of plastic.
00:31:04.000 We used to take it out of the trash and put it in hefty bags.
00:31:08.000 Then my mom would, we'd go home and my mom would sew them into pillowcases and we'd sew pillows.
00:31:14.000 Wow.
00:31:15.000 Wow.
00:31:16.000 That's hilarious.
00:31:18.000 Dude, you had a crazy life.
00:31:21.000 You know?
00:31:24.000 I couldn't imagine.
00:31:26.000 It's the hustle, man.
00:31:28.000 How did the little boy do pretending to be the little girl?
00:31:31.000 How did he do?
00:31:32.000 He's gay now, bro.
00:31:36.000 He was sucked into it.
00:31:39.000 Do you think that he would have been gay either way?
00:31:43.000 You never know.
00:31:46.000 Is it possible?
00:31:47.000 He likes Daisy Deuce.
00:31:49.000 Wow.
00:31:50.000 Maybe he was just gay.
00:31:51.000 Maybe that's why they chose him.
00:31:52.000 My brother, I had this joke, I had this story for many, many years, but I didn't know how to put it out there.
00:32:00.000 Then my brother, he told me, hey, you do that joke about how we crossed the border and my mom made me dress up like a little girl.
00:32:08.000 I said, are you sure, man?
00:32:09.000 Because people are going to call you and ask you if that really happened.
00:32:14.000 So what?
00:32:15.000 So yeah, I did it.
00:32:19.000 He didn't care.
00:32:20.000 And his husband was surprised.
00:32:25.000 My brother married to this city planner.
00:32:28.000 Oh, really?
00:32:29.000 Yeah.
00:32:32.000 That's hilarious.
00:32:33.000 But it's crazy, you know, Joe, like, how naive, you know, parents can be because my brother came out being a homosexual.
00:32:41.000 And my mom still goes, por qué?
00:32:44.000 Why?
00:32:45.000 And my father too, why?
00:32:48.000 Why?
00:32:49.000 Like, you can't figure it out, motherfucker.
00:32:52.000 You dressed up like a little girl when it was two, asshole.
00:32:55.000 Do you think that's possible?
00:32:59.000 Here's the thing.
00:33:00.000 It was destined maybe, I don't know.
00:33:01.000 I don't know.
00:33:02.000 It might be, but there is a possibility that people are malleable.
00:33:11.000 You can kind of steer them in different ways.
00:33:14.000 The question is, are those ways good or bad?
00:33:17.000 You know, if he's happy and he's gay and he became gay because he dressed him up as a little girl, if you really truly care about gay people, does that bother you?
00:33:28.000 It's a weird question, right?
00:33:29.000 It's like, well, man, I don't know.
00:33:30.000 Do you firmly believe in equality of sexual orientation?
00:33:37.000 If you firmly believe in total equality, you should have no issue with someone turning a little boy gay.
00:33:44.000 I mean, really?
00:33:45.000 But then there's a thing like, no, no, no, I want people to decide their own destiny, but no one decides their own destiny religiously, right?
00:33:53.000 Little kids get introduced into religion, but sexually is where it gets super important for us.
00:33:58.000 Yes.
00:33:58.000 We don't, let the boy be a boy!
00:34:00.000 Yeah!
00:34:01.000 Let him be a boy!
00:34:02.000 Don't fuck boys, son!
00:34:03.000 Hey!
00:34:04.000 Hey!
00:34:04.000 Get out of there!
00:34:05.000 Get out of there!
00:34:05.000 Get out of there!
00:34:06.000 Put the helmet on!
00:34:08.000 Stop staring at that Bull Jackson poster!
00:34:09.000 Get a motorcycle and fucking ride around with shirts off!
00:34:13.000 Yeah, man, right?
00:34:14.000 It's like people get super scared if someone turned a kid gay.
00:34:18.000 Like, hey, what?
00:34:19.000 What happened?
00:34:20.000 What happened?
00:34:21.000 Some people, some parents now, they allow their kids to just be what they want to be.
00:34:25.000 But here's the thing.
00:34:26.000 I don't know if that's possible.
00:34:28.000 But I definitely think with no intervention, there's a lot of people that are just gay.
00:34:35.000 They're just gay.
00:34:37.000 Isn't there a spectrum of gay though, right?
00:34:41.000 There's levels, bro.
00:34:42.000 There's levels.
00:34:46.000 Well, I know because of my brother.
00:34:48.000 And it's not negative.
00:34:49.000 My brother's friends are really, really cool and they're really funny, but they're very flamboyant.
00:34:57.000 And my brother's not, at least not around us.
00:35:01.000 Who cares if he is though, right?
00:35:02.000 Yeah, who cares?
00:35:05.000 Yeah, that's a funny thing, man.
00:35:07.000 Like, flamboyant gay.
00:35:10.000 That's the gay I knew, you know, growing up.
00:35:13.000 The flamboyant one.
00:35:14.000 But we, like, we celebrate that, right?
00:35:18.000 Like, look at him!
00:35:19.000 Woo!
00:35:19.000 You see a dude with, like, a halter top on.
00:35:22.000 You know what I mean?
00:35:23.000 Like, daisy dude cut-off shorts.
00:35:25.000 Like, rainbow-striped socks on.
00:35:28.000 You're like, get damned!
00:35:29.000 Go!
00:35:30.000 You go, boy!
00:35:32.000 Flamboyant gay.
00:35:33.000 We love flamboyant gay.
00:35:36.000 But a girl dressed like that is like, oh, you unfortunate.
00:35:40.000 You unfortunate child.
00:35:41.000 Like, look at you with your 17-inch pumps on, with your shorts up to crack your ass, with your tiny top on.
00:35:50.000 That is so sad that you need that much attention.
00:35:53.000 Isn't that weird?
00:35:54.000 Weird, man.
00:35:55.000 That's weird, man.
00:35:55.000 When it's a boy and he's gay, we fucking celebrate the shit out of it.
00:35:59.000 Look at him.
00:36:00.000 He's got all these crazy multicolored beads on and he's just fucking blaring gay.
00:36:07.000 Hell yeah.
00:36:08.000 He's at the rave.
00:36:10.000 But a girl that's just screaming out for dick.
00:36:12.000 Oh, you poor child.
00:36:14.000 You stop that.
00:36:15.000 Stop it.
00:36:16.000 You stop it.
00:36:17.000 What do you want?
00:36:18.000 Sex?
00:36:18.000 She's just like her mom.
00:36:19.000 You're not gonna get love that way.
00:36:21.000 You're not gonna get love.
00:36:22.000 You're just gonna get a bunch of guys that wanna fuck you.
00:36:23.000 There's a lot of pressure on those women, those girls, because I remember growing up, oh, she's a good girl, but she's a bad girl.
00:36:32.000 And only the bad girls ended up with the good girls.
00:36:34.000 If you were a good girl, I wouldn't be mad at you all the time, Melissa.
00:36:38.000 Melissa.
00:36:39.000 Melissa!
00:36:40.000 Why can't you be your cousin Jennifer?
00:36:42.000 She's a good girl.
00:36:43.000 I can't believe you did coke.
00:36:45.000 I can't believe my daughter did coke.
00:36:50.000 Dude.
00:36:51.000 People love coke.
00:36:52.000 They do.
00:36:53.000 You've never done this stuff, right?
00:36:55.000 No, I never fucked with it.
00:36:55.000 Just pot?
00:36:57.000 Yeah.
00:36:57.000 You never drink, right?
00:36:58.000 I drink.
00:36:58.000 I don't drink a lot, but I drink.
00:37:00.000 I see you drink a Bud Light once.
00:37:03.000 What?
00:37:03.000 What the fuck?
00:37:05.000 It was probably one of my best, greatest memories, man, as a stand-up comedian.
00:37:11.000 Now you're drinking a Bud Light.
00:37:13.000 I was like, that's ridiculous.
00:37:14.000 It was like 1999, Thanksgiving.
00:37:19.000 It was like, you know, like Thanksgiving already passed.
00:37:22.000 And Friday, it was like, you know, the Friday after Thanksgiving, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, it's always like the best days, man, for me.
00:37:30.000 Anybody.
00:37:32.000 And for comedy, too.
00:37:34.000 Especially the comedy show on Wednesday and then no work on the next day.
00:37:38.000 It's always the chicks everywhere, music.
00:37:40.000 It's a good time, man.
00:37:41.000 Drugs.
00:37:42.000 But this one particular time, my brother Fernando, I would say his name, whatever, I called him up.
00:37:49.000 Hey, we're going to go watch.
00:37:51.000 I have a show at the OR. And me and another comedian showed up.
00:37:55.000 And then we're going to go see you.
00:37:57.000 That's when you had your fucking hot-ass webpage, JoeRogan.net.
00:38:03.000 And you said you were going to perform.
00:38:05.000 So we went to go see you at the main room.
00:38:08.000 Right after our sets, you fucking crushed it.
00:38:11.000 You had that fucking beard bit.
00:38:13.000 It was hilarious.
00:38:14.000 You crushed it.
00:38:15.000 But then after what you said, I heard you tell somebody that we're going to go to the House of Blues because it was Chewy's birthday.
00:38:22.000 Yeah.
00:38:23.000 So I said, fuck it.
00:38:24.000 Let's go, too.
00:38:26.000 So we all went, and we were across the street, man.
00:38:29.000 There were so many comedians of that time at the House of Blues.
00:38:34.000 Yeah.
00:38:37.000 Rick James showed up.
00:38:39.000 He started playing the piano.
00:38:42.000 That was the shit, man.
00:38:44.000 Yeah, man.
00:38:47.000 Chewy did quite a few shows over there, right?
00:38:49.000 Yeah.
00:38:49.000 How many shows did he do over there?
00:38:50.000 He did one every once a month on a Tuesday.
00:38:53.000 Dude, he was good.
00:38:54.000 And it was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:38:56.000 This is Chewy, the dude who's the door guy at the Comedy Store, is a badass musician.
00:39:05.000 That song, Hey Chewy, What's Going On?
00:39:07.000 Hey Chewy!
00:39:08.000 That's a great fucking song.
00:39:10.000 That's a great song.
00:39:11.000 And I was sitting there going, how crazy is this?
00:39:13.000 We didn't know our friend Chewy has this special gift.
00:39:16.000 He was good.
00:39:17.000 He was good.
00:39:18.000 He was cool to watch, too.
00:39:21.000 It was a cool show.
00:39:22.000 We had a good fucking time.
00:39:24.000 He was a good musician, huh?
00:39:26.000 Dude.
00:39:26.000 He's a real good musician and he's our friend.
00:39:28.000 So it was crazy.
00:39:29.000 It was both.
00:39:30.000 It was like you're seeing your friend on stage and then you're seeing your friend kill.
00:39:34.000 And you're like, damn, he's good.
00:39:35.000 This is good.
00:39:36.000 It was awesome.
00:39:38.000 I remember one time Dami Rara was doing his jokes at the ORN. He said, Hollywood's fucked up.
00:39:48.000 Like, that guy right there, Chewy.
00:39:51.000 He's a rockstar!
00:39:53.000 Rockstar!
00:39:53.000 Once a month.
00:39:54.000 Kills it!
00:39:55.000 Right now, he's telling me where to fucking park.
00:40:02.000 Whoa.
00:40:03.000 I think you like working there too, to be honest.
00:40:06.000 He was a cool dude.
00:40:07.000 He held the ladder for me one night when I was putting the letters up.
00:40:11.000 I always enjoyed that guy.
00:40:12.000 He was always very cool to me too.
00:40:15.000 You know, some people were scared of Chewy.
00:40:18.000 Chewie and I always got along great.
00:40:20.000 He just looked like the wrong dude to fuck with.
00:40:23.000 He was like, Hillbilly Jim, but Mexican.
00:40:25.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:40:26.000 But he's a gentleman.
00:40:27.000 Always a gentleman.
00:40:29.000 If you're a good guy to Chewie, he's a great guy to you.
00:40:31.000 But he's a talented musician, man.
00:40:33.000 It was crazy to watch.
00:40:34.000 It's crazy to watch your friend just killing it at the House of Blues after you just say, what's up?
00:40:39.000 What's up, Chewie?
00:40:40.000 You know that song?
00:40:41.000 But that song, hey, Chewie, what's going on?
00:40:43.000 That's like, he made a really good song about how people interacted with him.
00:40:46.000 He put the toe on his shoulders, right?
00:40:48.000 Did he?
00:40:49.000 Kind of.
00:40:49.000 I'm trying to remember.
00:40:51.000 He definitely lifted it up a little.
00:40:52.000 He was fucking great, man.
00:40:54.000 He was great.
00:40:55.000 He was a guy that I would actually go see.
00:40:59.000 I was like, this is amazing.
00:41:01.000 The whole thing I liked about being a comedian, when I was younger, there was always something to do afterwards.
00:41:07.000 It was crazy.
00:41:08.000 Yeah.
00:41:10.000 But sometimes you go to dark areas, if you want to party hard.
00:41:16.000 I had a gig one time.
00:41:18.000 I was doing a show in Montebello.
00:41:19.000 Remember Willy Barsana?
00:41:22.000 Yeah, dude.
00:41:22.000 Willy Barsana had that crazy ass fucking wild coyotes for 11 years.
00:41:27.000 And somebody came in and said, I think this comedian Yorsi said, hey man, there's this guy that's looking for comedians to perform at three in the morning.
00:41:37.000 A hundred bucks.
00:41:39.000 And I said, fuck it.
00:41:40.000 I ain't doing shit.
00:41:41.000 I ain't got life.
00:41:41.000 Three in the morning?
00:41:42.000 I ain't doing shit.
00:41:43.000 I ain't got life.
00:41:44.000 So he gave me the address and we get there.
00:41:47.000 There's like an undercover police officer, security guard.
00:41:50.000 It's his house in Burbank.
00:41:52.000 And we perform at three in the morning for them.
00:41:56.000 Holy shit.
00:41:57.000 In their house?
00:41:58.000 Yeah, man.
00:41:58.000 What?
00:41:59.000 Joe, the house was built for like partying like 80s style where like you don't even know what time it is.
00:42:07.000 Like...
00:42:08.000 Like, the curtains were, they had curtains all over the house.
00:42:11.000 You couldn't see the sun come in no more.
00:42:13.000 Really?
00:42:13.000 So it lit perfectly.
00:42:14.000 Like, the house looked like at 5 p.m.
00:42:17.000 all day.
00:42:17.000 Wow.
00:42:19.000 And all over the house, there was drugs, but they were not openly out there for everybody to take.
00:42:25.000 Only for people who knew what was going on.
00:42:28.000 He had liquid coke there.
00:42:30.000 You know the nasal sprays?
00:42:32.000 Yeah.
00:42:33.000 He had those filled with water and coke.
00:42:36.000 Because when you do coke sometimes, the coke gets stuck in your nose.
00:42:40.000 So you gotta pour a little water to help it go down.
00:42:43.000 Jesus Christ.
00:42:44.000 But this guy had little squeeze bottles all over the house.
00:42:48.000 Like nasal sprays.
00:42:49.000 So I would see people lean over in the crack of the house and then grab something.
00:42:55.000 So then I found out where it was, and instead of just putting it back, I just walked it with it.
00:42:59.000 I kept it.
00:43:02.000 Goddamn.
00:43:03.000 I stood at that house till 11.30 in the morning.
00:43:06.000 And I got there at 2 in the morning.
00:43:09.000 But this is funny.
00:43:10.000 The guy who owned the house, he had nobody cleaning the house.
00:43:14.000 So everybody, like, if you grab a little bit from his house, like...
00:43:18.000 Like if Joe Rogan picked up those beers and threw them in a trash can, he'll give you points.
00:43:24.000 Like Dougie points.
00:43:25.000 His name was Doug.
00:43:27.000 And he'll give you like, Joe Rogan got three Dougie points.
00:43:30.000 So if you get like, so this house, you got invited to the house by text because Doug knows you.
00:43:36.000 But he doesn't know you.
00:43:37.000 Someone else invites you.
00:43:39.000 But now that you got points, you know, enough Dougie points, you get a personal call.
00:43:43.000 That's crazy.
00:43:45.000 That was crazy.
00:43:46.000 There was a guy walking around who looked like Marilyn Manson.
00:43:50.000 But it wasn't Marilyn Manson.
00:43:51.000 Just looked like him.
00:43:52.000 Yeah, he was just hired for the show, I guess, for the party.
00:43:56.000 Dude, I hate to bring up this thing with your brother again, though.
00:44:00.000 Bring it up.
00:44:01.000 But this is...
00:44:02.000 Do you think it is possible, really, that if someone dresses their kid up, all jokes aside, is that possible?
00:44:09.000 That if you dress your kid up as a girl for, like, a little bit and coach him into acting like a girl, that it turns him gay?
00:44:16.000 I don't...
00:44:17.000 Honestly, all jokes aside, I don't really think it works like that.
00:44:21.000 Did he stop right when they got here?
00:44:22.000 Or did he keep playing that way?
00:44:23.000 No.
00:44:24.000 I don't think he stopped.
00:44:26.000 He was like a male afterwards.
00:44:28.000 But it could have been a total coincidence.
00:44:30.000 I think it was probably coincidence.
00:44:32.000 Yeah.
00:44:32.000 It just happened.
00:44:33.000 Yeah.
00:44:34.000 But nobody wants to think that people are that susceptible.
00:44:37.000 But they definitely are in some ways, right?
00:44:39.000 Maybe not sexually, because that seems to be like a biological thing.
00:44:43.000 But in terms of like behavior...
00:44:46.000 Racism, for sure, right?
00:44:47.000 Racism carries from parent to child pretty well.
00:44:51.000 If they have a good relationship with their parents and their parents are racist, that shit will carry in.
00:44:56.000 Because a lot of people who are racist, they still love their kids.
00:44:59.000 So they're really good to their kids, but they're racist.
00:45:01.000 So their kids associate really good love with family, also with distrust of certain groups and colors.
00:45:12.000 And that's almost a thing that they're taught by the people that care about them.
00:45:16.000 Like wild animals, man.
00:45:18.000 They're taught wild animal behavior by their parents.
00:45:21.000 And that's the same shit with people.
00:45:25.000 It's a weird thing, man.
00:45:26.000 It's a weird thing that human beings are malleable.
00:45:30.000 You can get them to behave a certain way in Iceland, but then a different way in Brazil, or a certain way in Japan, and a different way in China.
00:45:39.000 I was in China recently.
00:45:41.000 One of the things that's crazy is when you're around large groups of people, they just walk in front of you, man.
00:45:47.000 They just walk through you.
00:45:49.000 They walk through little kids.
00:45:50.000 They walk through everybody.
00:45:51.000 And it's not rude.
00:45:52.000 It's just they have a different way of moving around because there's so many people in so many spots in China.
00:45:58.000 They're not being rude.
00:45:59.000 They don't consider it rude.
00:46:01.000 It's just different.
00:46:02.000 They're just trying to get there and they don't mind if everybody bumps into each other a little bit.
00:46:05.000 We're like...
00:46:06.000 You touched me.
00:46:07.000 Oh, I can't believe this.
00:46:09.000 That guy touched me with his hand as he walked by.
00:46:12.000 In China, they're fucking headbutting each other.
00:46:14.000 But they're not doing it mean.
00:46:15.000 They're just kind of going through each other.
00:46:17.000 They don't mind touching each other.
00:46:19.000 You see an opening.
00:46:21.000 They're going in that opening.
00:46:22.000 You don't own the space in front of you, bitch.
00:46:25.000 There's a little spot.
00:46:26.000 I'm going to go in there.
00:46:27.000 Boom.
00:46:27.000 And they don't think it's a bad thing.
00:46:29.000 They do it here, too.
00:46:30.000 Chinese people do?
00:46:31.000 Oh yeah, Asian people, Armenian people, older people, we're trying to catch the bus, we're all trying to catch the bus, and they run.
00:46:38.000 They rush in front of me, they don't say excuse me.
00:46:41.000 That's why I learned how to say excuse me in Armenian.
00:46:44.000 You know when people don't mind being jammed up like that?
00:46:48.000 In the winter, in Boston, when they get on the T. You know those trains, like if you leave in Fenway Park, and it's like...
00:46:57.000 Fucking zero degrees outside in the winter and you get on the T together and Especially if it's sunny out so nobody feels creepy about it and they shut those doors and everybody's just jammed in there huddled together like penguins Yeah, you don't mind you don't mind you're fucking freezing So everybody has more of a sense of that's like a big problem with LA. It's too easy to just live here It's too easy to like physically survive.
00:47:22.000 It's too hot The heat's one thing, but you can get by, you get used to that.
00:47:26.000 You can't get used to the cold.
00:47:29.000 You can't do it.
00:47:30.000 You can't stay out there.
00:47:32.000 The heat's way easier.
00:47:35.000 You could stay out there.
00:47:36.000 If you have a shade and you have some water, you can live.
00:47:39.000 You literally can't live in Boston outside.
00:47:43.000 No, you can't.
00:47:44.000 You can't go to sleep there.
00:47:45.000 If you go to sleep there, you'll die.
00:47:47.000 You won't make it.
00:47:49.000 It's zero degrees out.
00:47:50.000 You're not going to make it.
00:47:51.000 You can't just sleep on the ground when it's 30 below zero, like in Alaska or some shit.
00:47:58.000 Can't even panhandle in that code.
00:47:59.000 No.
00:48:00.000 And you've got to be a hardy motherfucker to survive those places.
00:48:03.000 It's too easy to survive LA. We don't have enough interaction with nature.
00:48:09.000 We got a distorted sense of where we sit in this whole thing.
00:48:11.000 You want nature?
00:48:12.000 Go to Griffith Park.
00:48:13.000 Yeah.
00:48:13.000 We don't even have bugs, man.
00:48:15.000 When I was in Thailand, they got crazy bugs, dude.
00:48:17.000 Bugs that bite the fuck out of you.
00:48:19.000 We got these little weird bites all over you and mosquitoes are ferocious.
00:48:25.000 Those are real bugs, man.
00:48:27.000 We got here roaches.
00:48:28.000 We got nothing.
00:48:29.000 We got a few roaches.
00:48:31.000 We barely have any flies.
00:48:33.000 We ain't got shit.
00:48:34.000 No bugs want a part of this crazy dry air.
00:48:37.000 We're super lucky, man.
00:48:39.000 Bugs don't like dry air.
00:48:41.000 Bugs are like, ugh.
00:48:42.000 The crawly ones don't seem to mind, but the flyy ones, they fucking hate dry air.
00:48:47.000 We got lots of hummingbirds eating them up, too.
00:48:49.000 Do we do?
00:48:49.000 There's not lots of hummingbirds anywhere else I've lived like there is here.
00:48:52.000 We rehabbed a hummingbird in my house and released it.
00:48:57.000 The girls found a hummingbird that was wounded and they nursed it back to health and then re-released it in the wild.
00:49:05.000 We have little hummingbird feeders in the backyard.
00:49:07.000 Dude, hummingbirds are the coolest little animals ever.
00:49:10.000 They're so weird.
00:49:11.000 I'll put up a video of this hummingbird.
00:49:13.000 It's so cute.
00:49:14.000 They fed it sugar water.
00:49:18.000 You fly super fast, right?
00:49:19.000 Dude, they fly so fast.
00:49:21.000 If you see it with stop-motion or slow-motion photography, slow-motion videos, you can't believe how fast it is.
00:49:30.000 You're watching and you're like, whoa, that's insane.
00:49:33.000 What kind of animal evolved like that?
00:49:35.000 Little tiny wings and they're going like a fucking billion miles an hour.
00:49:40.000 Look at that thing in slow-mo.
00:49:42.000 See if you can find one.
00:49:44.000 There's no animal like that.
00:49:46.000 Imagine if an eagle did that.
00:49:49.000 Imagine how fucked everything would be if an eagle could move like a hummingbird.
00:49:55.000 Just a giant flying thing with knives for fingers, and it's just snatching fish out of water, and it's as big as a turkey, and it moves like a hummingbird.
00:50:08.000 What the fuck?
00:50:11.000 If you think about it, that's what a tiger is, right?
00:50:14.000 A tiger is a big thing that moves insanely fast.
00:50:19.000 Look how little those wings are.
00:50:20.000 I've never seen their wings until now.
00:50:22.000 Dude, those wings are so small that if they were in a superhero, if I saw a superhero and the body was that big and the wings were that small, I'd be like, that bitch couldn't fly.
00:50:30.000 Get out of here.
00:50:31.000 That wouldn't even work, bro.
00:50:33.000 Dynamically, look how small the wings are.
00:50:35.000 Look how big the body is.
00:50:37.000 It's fucking stupid.
00:50:39.000 Look how little those wings are, man.
00:50:42.000 If you went to, like, one of those hot wings places and they gave you a wing like that, you'd be so angry.
00:50:48.000 Oh, hell no.
00:50:49.000 Who are these for?
00:50:51.000 Those are the tiniest little wings.
00:50:53.000 Such a small little animal, but they're so adorable.
00:50:56.000 They have no legs, huh?
00:50:57.000 They have legs.
00:50:58.000 Yeah, they're just tucked in.
00:51:00.000 They're tucked in the back.
00:51:01.000 See it?
00:51:02.000 Little tiny.
00:51:03.000 Yeah.
00:51:04.000 They're so beautiful.
00:51:05.000 Such an unusual little bird, too.
00:51:07.000 Who eats them?
00:51:09.000 Oh, I'm sure everything they can.
00:51:11.000 I'm sure they're snackadishes.
00:51:12.000 But I think good luck catching them.
00:51:14.000 Good luck catching that little fucker.
00:51:16.000 I told you I was listening to that Leonardo book the other day, and one of the weird things in the beginning it mentions is that he had a very weird fascination, or it was written in one of his notebooks, that he wanted to...
00:51:25.000 I think he wanted to describe the tongue of a woodpecker.
00:51:29.000 Wow.
00:51:29.000 But this is obviously in the 1400s, where you'd have to catch the woodpecker, kill it, dissect it, and then do the descriptions yourself.
00:51:37.000 And I guess he does have descriptions of it, which at that time are so descriptive, you would have to be a scientist like he was.
00:51:44.000 It's really crazy.
00:51:46.000 I wonder how you would catch a woodpecker.
00:51:48.000 How do you catch one of those fuckers?
00:51:49.000 How he thought of that.
00:51:51.000 What was making him...
00:51:53.000 Do you think he just shot it out of the sky?
00:51:56.000 He probably came up with a trap of some kind, I bet.
00:51:58.000 I guess, right?
00:51:59.000 Yeah.
00:52:00.000 Imagine those dudes that were just like...
00:52:03.000 Initially studying species is like imagine just Like writing down drawing pictures of a cat that you just found in the fucking jungle Like being one of those guys are the first people to document what animals exist out there Because like how long have we known how long have we had a good sense of what animals exist out there?
00:52:24.000 How many years has it been, you think, that people have a good sense of all the animals in the world?
00:52:29.000 Like right now, we know about giant bears that live in Russia, right?
00:52:33.000 We know about Komodo dragons.
00:52:35.000 We know about Nile crocodiles.
00:52:37.000 We know about African lions.
00:52:40.000 We know about all these animals that exist because we've got all the videos and the information.
00:52:45.000 But how long has that been a thing?
00:52:46.000 How long have people known what was in all these different spots?
00:52:50.000 Has it been 2,000 years?
00:52:51.000 Has it been three?
00:52:53.000 How many thousand years?
00:52:56.000 Reliable information, no krakens, no fucking sea dragons.
00:53:01.000 Stop.
00:53:01.000 You're making shit up.
00:53:02.000 What did you really see?
00:53:04.000 How long has it been where we have a detailed account of what animals exist?
00:53:09.000 How long has it been a pen or something to write on?
00:53:15.000 What was the first thing they ever wrote?
00:53:17.000 Writing, I think, was like the Middle East.
00:53:20.000 I think it was all like Sumer and those places.
00:53:25.000 I think that's where they think it came from.
00:53:27.000 You ever see that writing, man?
00:53:28.000 Dude, it's crazy looking.
00:53:30.000 It's called cuneiform.
00:53:32.000 It looks like nails.
00:53:34.000 It looks like they're old-school-y carpenter nails.
00:53:38.000 And they're going left and right and up and down.
00:53:41.000 They have an alphabet, too?
00:53:42.000 Yeah, look at it.
00:53:42.000 Oh, wow!
00:53:44.000 That's I think I'm you know, obviously I'm not an expert But I think they believe this is the oldest written language.
00:53:50.000 See if that's true Is cuneiform the oldest written language?
00:53:55.000 They think that was where it started that it started with these little like they look like nails Look at that shit, dude It's such a fantastic looking language because it almost looks like some crazy computer code or something.
00:54:11.000 And it's funny how this kind of language, someone who's bored in prison will pick it up and learn how to write like this with another inmate and give each other messages so the guards will know.
00:54:21.000 Look what it says.
00:54:22.000 This is the one.
00:54:23.000 It's called Tamil.
00:54:25.000 Tamil.
00:54:26.000 Okay, the oldest language comes from Sri Lanka, Singapore, and two Indian states.
00:54:32.000 Tamil is still spoken by approximately 70 million people across the world.
00:54:36.000 Tamil is one of the oldest literary canons of any knowledge in the world.
00:54:41.000 With the earliest piece of Tamil writing Sangram literature dating to approximately 300 BCE. So that's 300 years before current era.
00:54:52.000 That's not super old.
00:54:54.000 See, the language I think Sumerian is.
00:54:57.000 So there it says Sumerian.
00:54:59.000 First developed 3200 BC. Okay.
00:55:03.000 So I think they're saying, what's the oldest language that's active in the world?
00:55:06.000 And that's Tamil.
00:55:07.000 And that comes from 300 BC. But the Sumerian language, yeah, is the oldest shit ever.
00:55:13.000 So that's what we saw.
00:55:14.000 That's cuneiform.
00:55:15.000 So it was created using a reed stylus to make wedge-shaped indentations in clay tablets.
00:55:20.000 So they think, as far as they know, that's the oldest shit.
00:55:24.000 So that's only 5,300 something years?
00:55:31.000 Do you think they developed it to record transactions, to keep track of money, or to talk?
00:55:35.000 Do you think which was more important to them at the time?
00:55:38.000 Transactions?
00:55:39.000 Could be probably everything.
00:55:41.000 Writing things down.
00:55:42.000 Try to figure out what animal did not eat.
00:55:45.000 You know, try to figure out what makes people sick.
00:55:48.000 Keep track of who paid taxes, who didn't.
00:55:50.000 So 3200 BC, what is that?
00:55:51.000 That's 5,218 years ago?
00:55:56.000 Wow.
00:55:58.000 That seems so recent.
00:56:00.000 Think about that.
00:56:01.000 Think about that, man.
00:56:03.000 5,000 years ago, they figured out how to write shit down.
00:56:06.000 Like, what are you saying?
00:56:08.000 What did they do before then?
00:56:10.000 Wow.
00:56:11.000 Fuck.
00:56:12.000 And nobody hand-ranks no more.
00:56:14.000 I barely handwrite.
00:56:16.000 I suck at it so hard.
00:56:17.000 Nobody cursive.
00:56:17.000 They don't even teach it no more, I think.
00:56:19.000 When I write, my handwriting deteriorates rapidly with every stroke.
00:56:24.000 I barely do it anymore.
00:56:26.000 You still do this?
00:56:27.000 No, I don't.
00:56:28.000 Logos?
00:56:29.000 What is that logo?
00:56:29.000 Remember the old S? You do that.
00:56:31.000 I used to just do the S in high school when I was bored.
00:56:34.000 Like the Superman logo?
00:56:35.000 Yeah.
00:56:36.000 Remember that?
00:56:36.000 Yeah.
00:56:37.000 I used to do all the band names.
00:56:39.000 Like band logos.
00:56:40.000 Ozzy.
00:56:41.000 Van Halen.
00:56:42.000 I used to do the V in the, you know, the...
00:56:44.000 The other day when we were talking about George Washington, I saw a fact and I was trying to bring it up in time, but I had to go back and find it and I just remembered it because of what you're talking about.
00:56:53.000 Do you know when the first dinosaur bones were discovered?
00:56:56.000 Dude, we talked about this once.
00:56:59.000 I don't remember though.
00:57:00.000 It was more recent than I ever thought.
00:57:03.000 Like 1824. Yeah, yeah.
00:57:04.000 Something crazy like that.
00:57:05.000 I don't know.
00:57:05.000 He was already present and done with all of that.
00:57:08.000 Everything that they had written and talked about and everything we go back and discuss was all before they even knew dinosaurs even existed almost.
00:57:15.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:57:16.000 It's really crazy.
00:57:17.000 Yeah, it is really crazy.
00:57:19.000 It's hard to believe.
00:57:20.000 I mean, imagine you have, like, okay, we think we got an understanding of what is here and what's been here has probably been similar to what's here.
00:57:28.000 What the fuck is this?
00:57:29.000 And they find a bone that's as big as a bus.
00:57:32.000 They're like, wait a minute, what the fuck is this?
00:57:36.000 That probably would have freaked me out.
00:57:38.000 Dude, imagine you find a bone as big as a bus, and you're like, holy shit, this is one animal?
00:57:46.000 What is this?
00:57:47.000 This is a leg?
00:57:48.000 What?
00:57:49.000 Is there another one?
00:57:50.000 You keep getting bigger and bigger pieces, and then you realize you have a brontosaurus.
00:57:54.000 Just imagine finding all that shit, not knowing it exists, and going, what the fuck is this thing that looks like a rib?
00:58:01.000 What is this thing?
00:58:03.000 And not knowing how big the world is, so you think there's another one around somewhere that's alive.
00:58:07.000 Yeah.
00:58:08.000 Oh, yeah, man.
00:58:09.000 They sent David Spade, or David Spade, Jesus Christ.
00:58:13.000 They sent David Cho.
00:58:14.000 They sent David Cho to the Congo in Vice.
00:58:18.000 This is how I found out about Dave.
00:58:20.000 And then I found out about him again from Bourdain was telling me how amazing he is.
00:58:26.000 They sent David Cho.
00:58:27.000 David Cho was already rich at the time.
00:58:29.000 This is how crazy David Cho is.
00:58:30.000 He was wealthy as fuck.
00:58:32.000 Like, he didn't have to do anything.
00:58:34.000 He'd already made a gang of money like gambling and shit.
00:58:37.000 And he decides to go down to the Congo to go looking for a fucking dinosaur, man.
00:58:43.000 It's the craziest episode of Vice.
00:58:45.000 Because these people, some people that live there, or at least they're saying they're convinced that there's...
00:58:50.000 I mean, they could be just fucking with white people.
00:58:53.000 That could be a thing too, right?
00:58:54.000 Yeah.
00:58:55.000 This could be fucking with Westerners.
00:58:57.000 Some Korean kid comes by and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll show you where the fucking dinosaur is.
00:59:01.000 That was the last thing I was going to add about the Da Vinci thing.
00:59:03.000 He used to fuck with his friends with a lizard dressed up like a little baby dragon.
00:59:06.000 And he'd freak them out and like, look what I found, look what I got.
00:59:09.000 Ah, Da Vinci did that?
00:59:11.000 You'd have to believe him because he's fucking Da Vinci.
00:59:13.000 Right.
00:59:13.000 That's hilarious.
00:59:15.000 Add things to creatures, pretend he's found a new species.
00:59:20.000 Yeah.
00:59:20.000 Look at Dave.
00:59:22.000 He was young as fuck, too, man.
00:59:24.000 This was a long-ass time ago.
00:59:26.000 And he went to the jungle.
00:59:30.000 Went looking for these supposed brontosauruses that people see in the jungle.
00:59:36.000 Can you imagine if they found one?
00:59:38.000 I mean, there's not enough jungle to hide someone else credible.
00:59:43.000 Someone would get a picture.
00:59:44.000 Everyone has a phone now, even people that live in the jungle.
00:59:47.000 Where would it hide?
00:59:48.000 It would hide in the jungle.
00:59:51.000 You would have to...
00:59:52.000 Damn!
00:59:53.000 Or a cave in the water?
00:59:55.000 There would have to be an enormous area where people never go for a big thing to be alive today that people don't know about.
01:00:04.000 They'll find, like, a new deer.
01:00:06.000 You know, they'll find a new deer sometimes.
01:00:08.000 Like, oh, look at this.
01:00:09.000 A new frog.
01:00:10.000 Yeah, we found a new deer.
01:00:12.000 This is incredible.
01:00:12.000 It's in the jungles of Cambodia.
01:00:14.000 It's a subspecies of this deer.
01:00:17.000 Rare footage shows the last surviving member of an uncontacted Amazon tribe.
01:00:22.000 Yeah, I saw this.
01:00:23.000 This poor dude.
01:00:25.000 He's the last of the Mohicans.
01:00:26.000 Meanwhile, that's a cameraman.
01:00:28.000 That's a cameraman.
01:00:29.000 They fucking gave him 50 bucks.
01:00:30.000 Just go out there and beat some trees.
01:00:32.000 I'm going to get some footage.
01:00:33.000 Looks like Blair Witch Project and have you just whack it against a tree.
01:00:36.000 I'm going to say you're the last surviving.
01:00:37.000 Bro, we're going to get paid for this.
01:00:40.000 Come on, bro.
01:00:41.000 You look like an old fucking guy that lives in the jungle.
01:00:43.000 Just do it.
01:00:45.000 50 bucks, dude.
01:00:46.000 I'll give you 50 bucks.
01:00:47.000 What else are you going to do today?
01:00:48.000 It says they've been tracking him since the 90s.
01:00:50.000 That's crazy.
01:00:51.000 Homeboy's been living by himself since the 90s.
01:00:55.000 We got a weird problem with that, right?
01:00:57.000 Like, poor guy.
01:00:59.000 What if he dies out there like that?
01:01:01.000 Well, he's going to die here in a different way.
01:01:02.000 What are you talking about?
01:01:04.000 He's going to be sad living alone.
01:01:06.000 If he's sad, he's sad.
01:01:08.000 If he saw those people with cameras, he'd probably chase Adam with a blow dart.
01:01:12.000 You know?
01:01:13.000 If he embraced it.
01:01:14.000 Poison dart.
01:01:15.000 What a way to go.
01:01:16.000 Got himself a nice pair of Nikes.
01:01:19.000 You know?
01:01:19.000 Little Gucci fanny pack.
01:01:23.000 Come out of the woods, bro.
01:01:27.000 He shot at someone in 2005, or he wounded someone with an arrow.
01:01:31.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:01:32.000 Oh, fuck.
01:01:33.000 Yeah, you don't want that, man.
01:01:35.000 That guy's gonna shoot arrows at you.
01:01:37.000 Imagine that, he's a criminal.
01:01:38.000 They haven't even gone and gotten him.
01:01:40.000 Shooting arrows at people, you son of a bitch.
01:01:43.000 Yeah, that dude ain't wanting to get saved.
01:01:47.000 But it's funny, man.
01:01:48.000 We look at people that live in a way that's different than the way we live.
01:01:51.000 We're like, oh, we got to save them.
01:01:52.000 We got to save them.
01:01:53.000 We got to bring them over to the good side.
01:01:55.000 I know.
01:01:55.000 We got to save him, but someone living in their car, he's fine.
01:01:58.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:02:01.000 Yeah, man.
01:02:01.000 Someone living in their car is fine.
01:02:02.000 That guy that's camping under the freeway, normal.
01:02:06.000 Normal.
01:02:07.000 Super normal.
01:02:09.000 There was a guy living across the street from my house when I was living in Echo Park.
01:02:13.000 He was living inside of a bobo.
01:02:15.000 Whoa.
01:02:17.000 Here's the thing, right?
01:02:18.000 They let Native American tribes control giant chunks of land.
01:02:23.000 They give them reservations in the 18-whatever it was.
01:02:27.000 It was like 1865 or some shit where they did all this.
01:02:30.000 The worst land ever, too.
01:02:31.000 Nothing grows.
01:02:32.000 They didn't give them any of the good spots.
01:02:34.000 So they give them all the...
01:02:36.000 Like, think...
01:02:37.000 When did that happen?
01:02:39.000 Let's find out first.
01:02:40.000 That was...
01:02:43.000 My question would be, would you ever allow them to live...
01:02:47.000 The March of Tears, right?
01:02:49.000 1887. What is it?
01:02:50.000 1887. 1887. Dawes Act.
01:02:52.000 Wow, that's crazy.
01:02:54.000 But would they allow them to live like they lived before the Europeans intervened?
01:03:00.000 Like, if you really just left them alone...
01:03:02.000 And they live like fucking horseback, trading animals for bullets.
01:03:09.000 They really live like they lived back then.
01:03:12.000 Indian land for sale.
01:03:14.000 Fine lands in the West.
01:03:16.000 This is a crazy ad.
01:03:18.000 Grazing.
01:03:19.000 Get a home of your own.
01:03:21.000 Easy payments.
01:03:23.000 Perfect title.
01:03:25.000 Possession within 30 days.
01:03:27.000 Indian land for sale.
01:03:30.000 Is this real?
01:03:31.000 Yes.
01:03:31.000 This is a real ad that they had back then?
01:03:34.000 It's from Nebraska's website.
01:03:36.000 This is the next art for the studio.
01:03:41.000 We need that.
01:03:42.000 We need that.
01:03:44.000 Indian land for sale.
01:03:45.000 Make a reservation.
01:03:47.000 We need that framed on the wall.
01:03:49.000 How much is the land?
01:03:52.000 That's what we need.
01:03:54.000 We need that framed.
01:03:57.000 Dude, that ain't that long ago, man.
01:03:59.000 That is not that long ago.
01:04:01.000 That is a crazy thing.
01:04:02.000 It's like, look, we captured this shit from these people, now we'll sell it to you.
01:04:06.000 Who wants to buy it?
01:04:07.000 There's a picture of the dude we jacked.
01:04:09.000 They got a picture of the dude they jacked.
01:04:11.000 There's a previous owner.
01:04:13.000 This is the previous owner.
01:04:14.000 Look at that.
01:04:16.000 $20 an acre in Wyoming.
01:04:17.000 Do you think that they have...
01:04:18.000 $20 an acre?
01:04:19.000 How much is that now?
01:04:21.000 $20 an acre?
01:04:22.000 Yeah.
01:04:22.000 Wow.
01:04:24.000 Right now?
01:04:25.000 I mean, it depends on where it is.
01:04:26.000 If it's in Beverly Hills, it's probably $14 million.
01:04:28.000 Why in Oregon?
01:04:29.000 $15 an acre.
01:04:31.000 $15 an acre in Oregon.
01:04:34.000 But look at the dude.
01:04:35.000 They got the most regal-looking Native American.
01:04:39.000 Looks like a chief...
01:04:41.000 A shot cutter.
01:04:43.000 Look at his image.
01:04:44.000 Perfect representation of an elder, like a wise, powerful, old Indian, like a chief.
01:04:52.000 Right?
01:04:53.000 He looks like the dude that'd be running shit.
01:04:55.000 Like, we got it from this dude.
01:04:56.000 We got the prime cuts, baby.
01:05:00.000 We got the fucking tomahawk ribeye with the bone.
01:05:04.000 Come on, bro.
01:05:05.000 It's for you.
01:05:06.000 Indian land.
01:05:07.000 The best.
01:05:08.000 Nothing but the best.
01:05:10.000 We got it off that guy.
01:05:11.000 Look at him.
01:05:12.000 We got it from the highest guy in the totem pole.
01:05:14.000 Could you imagine if there was parts of this country where people decided to live like the Native Americans live, straight up, full stop.
01:05:23.000 They wore animal skins.
01:05:25.000 They tanned from shooting them with bows and arrows.
01:05:30.000 They made their own bows and arrows.
01:05:32.000 They did everything the way that the people did before the Europeans arrived.
01:05:36.000 They say, fuck your technology.
01:05:37.000 Fuck your laws.
01:05:39.000 Fuck your bullshit.
01:05:40.000 Just give us a fertile...
01:05:42.000 This gigantic swath of land that we could live like we lived before.
01:05:46.000 And then people just gravitate to that.
01:05:48.000 Do you know how crazy that would be?
01:05:50.000 People would fuck it up though.
01:05:51.000 They would do a reality show of it.
01:05:53.000 They would have some of the horses would have like fucking cameras and you see people running around.
01:05:57.000 It would be that fucking Westworld and shit.
01:05:59.000 Yeah.
01:05:59.000 Dicks flopping out of loincloths.
01:06:01.000 And people would have to kill people the way they killed people back then too.
01:06:04.000 They'd have to have duels and shit.
01:06:05.000 Scalp them.
01:06:07.000 I don't know who invented scalping.
01:06:10.000 Do you think scalping was invented by the Native Americans or was it invented by the white people?
01:06:14.000 By the white people.
01:06:16.000 We covered this one.
01:06:17.000 They used to collect them.
01:06:18.000 Yeah.
01:06:19.000 In a bag.
01:06:19.000 Well, was it their idea first?
01:06:21.000 I wonder whose idea it was first.
01:06:22.000 Because some of the shit that people do in war, they'll copy shit from the enemy, too.
01:06:28.000 Like, if the enemy's doing it, we'll fucking do it, too.
01:06:31.000 Genghis Khan must have did it first.
01:06:33.000 Oh, he did the worst shit of all time.
01:06:35.000 Brutal.
01:06:36.000 You ever listen to that Dan Carlin Hardcore History series on him?
01:06:40.000 Not yet.
01:06:40.000 Dude, after the show, I'm going to send it to you.
01:06:43.000 Okay.
01:06:43.000 You've got to listen to it.
01:06:44.000 It's nuts.
01:06:45.000 If you've got the time, because it's like five parts.
01:06:48.000 And you get sucked in, but it just shows you how insane that guy and his family were and what the empire that he created.
01:06:57.000 This one guy, his real name is Tumujin, I think it was.
01:07:00.000 They had crossbows, right?
01:07:02.000 They had all kinds of shit.
01:07:03.000 They had catapults that they would light human bodies on fire.
01:07:06.000 They would.
01:07:07.000 They were quick at shooting arrows while a horseback, right?
01:07:10.000 That's what saved him.
01:07:12.000 Well, that was one of their strategies, but they were extremely stout people.
01:07:16.000 They were very, very strong people, apparently.
01:07:19.000 All I know about, just full disclosure, all I know about is what I learned from Dan Carlin's Hardcore History Podcast and a couple of articles.
01:07:26.000 I've never really read that much about the Mongols.
01:07:29.000 Yeah.
01:07:30.000 What he said was that they had these bows that required 160 pounds to pull back, which is just insane.
01:07:37.000 So they must be shooting heavier arrows that could kill people better than anything the smaller people or the weaker people would possess.
01:07:47.000 And they were a nomadic horse people.
01:07:49.000 So they were traveling around living in tents, like they despise people that live in cities.
01:07:53.000 They were just the strongest, most ruthless army the world had ever seen at the time.
01:07:58.000 Nobody had ever seen anything like this.
01:08:01.000 They killed millions of people.
01:08:03.000 New York Times had an article that said they killed so many people, they changed the carbon footprint of the earth.
01:08:09.000 There was less people, a noticeable number.
01:08:12.000 If you go and you look through the ice core samples, and they're starting to attribute it, or some people at least are attributing that, to Genghis Khan killing somewhere in the neighborhood of 10% of the population on earth.
01:08:23.000 Damn.
01:08:24.000 One out of ten.
01:08:25.000 He killed more people than AIDS. Yeah, definitely, right?
01:08:28.000 How many people did AIDS kill, if you had to guess?
01:08:31.000 Someone was just talking about that recently and saying no one should die from HIV anymore.
01:08:36.000 No one should die of AIDS. It literally shouldn't have to happen anymore.
01:08:40.000 Isn't that crazy?
01:08:41.000 Just take medication now.
01:08:44.000 When we were kids, everybody was terrified of AIDS. AIDS was a death sentence.
01:08:48.000 While eating Twinkies.
01:08:49.000 Terrified of AIDS. While eating the thing that's slowly killing you.
01:08:53.000 Terrified of getting some AIDS. One little kid gets it, everybody doesn't want to go to school no more.
01:08:57.000 Remember that one kid?
01:08:58.000 Yeah.
01:08:59.000 They stopped going to school.
01:09:00.000 Yeah.
01:09:01.000 The magic got it and everybody was alright.
01:09:04.000 Magic got it.
01:09:05.000 I remember being in my car.
01:09:06.000 I was in my car.
01:09:07.000 I was living in Revere, Massachusetts.
01:09:10.000 Revere?
01:09:11.000 Yeah, this...
01:09:13.000 Apartment complex and I was driving my car and I was on the high I was on the road listening to the radio like you know you see where the traffic lights are you see you remember it's like burned in your brain like ah Magic Johnson has AIDS what in my car what?
01:09:32.000 What?
01:09:33.000 I remember thinking like it was a scene in a vampire, a monster movie or something.
01:09:37.000 Like a zombie outbreak.
01:09:38.000 Like, oh my god!
01:09:40.000 Now it's reached one of the greatest basketball players of all time?
01:09:43.000 This is insane!
01:09:45.000 Are people gonna just start dropping off like flies now?
01:09:48.000 Are people gonna start...
01:09:49.000 Did you start wearing condoms right away afterwards?
01:09:52.000 I don't think so.
01:09:53.000 Me neither.
01:09:54.000 Do you?
01:09:54.000 No.
01:09:56.000 People are animals, bro.
01:09:58.000 People are savage.
01:09:59.000 They're savage.
01:10:00.000 I mean, there's a reason why there's seven billion of us.
01:10:03.000 People need to stop pretending that when they're fully aroused that they're thinking straight.
01:10:11.000 You're operating at about 10% of your normal resources.
01:10:14.000 You're like, AIDS, whatever.
01:10:16.000 Who's got AIDS? You still got aced after they got rid of it with a code.
01:10:21.000 Well, you know, it's crazy that it was just primarily gay people and drug users that were getting it.
01:10:30.000 What a weird disease, man.
01:10:32.000 That's a weird one, man.
01:10:35.000 That's a strange thing when your body starts weakening and shutting down.
01:10:39.000 Like, whoa!
01:10:41.000 But when you really think about the actual danger and death, like I think even while AIDS was in its height of killing people, I don't think it was killing people as much as the flu was, right?
01:10:53.000 The numbers I'm finding now are depending on worldwide or US. So worldwide, tuberculosis is now killing more people than AIDS. But this says that only 1.1 million people today in the US are living with AIDS. And I think I saw...
01:11:09.000 But living with AIDS is like you're at the border of getting AIDS. Is that what it is?
01:11:14.000 It's like...
01:11:15.000 You have, supposedly, this is, again, I'm not a doctor, right?
01:11:19.000 Supposedly, it's like you have HIV, your immune system gets weakened, you catch AIDS, which is Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, which means your T-cell levels have reached a certain count where they identify it as AIDS, right?
01:11:33.000 Yeah, I actually did type in AIDS and this is going to HIV, so...
01:11:36.000 So there's...
01:11:38.000 They're definitely connected.
01:11:40.000 So it's not people that also their immune system fails that's outside of HIV. Yeah, so I clicked on this.
01:11:46.000 I'll show you what I clicked on.
01:11:47.000 So I typed in that in and this is showing this.
01:11:49.000 It says that 1.2 million people have received an AIDS diagnosis since the early 80s.
01:11:54.000 Since the early 80s.
01:11:56.000 Okay.
01:11:56.000 So 1 million people and there have been 12,000.
01:12:01.000 In 2014 there were 12,333 deaths.
01:12:06.000 Due to any cause of people with diagnosed HIV infection ever classified as AIDS and...
01:12:14.000 What does that mean?
01:12:15.000 That's a weird way of saying it.
01:12:18.000 I'll say it again.
01:12:20.000 It says there were 12,333 deaths due to any cause of people with diagnosed HIV infection ever classified as AIDS. Isn't that a strange way of saying that?
01:12:32.000 Yeah.
01:12:35.000 I don't know what that means.
01:12:36.000 You mean you could lose the classification if your immune system gets strong enough?
01:12:39.000 I don't know.
01:12:40.000 It says, with diagnosed HIV infection ever classified as AIDS. Okay.
01:12:46.000 I don't know, maybe I'm too stupid for that.
01:12:48.000 Yeah, because what I also saw was that a million people died last year from it, but that would be worldwide.
01:12:52.000 And this then contradicts, because it says a million people have only been diagnosed, and this is only in the U.S., and that other numbers worldwide, so it gets really sketchy.
01:12:59.000 And it says 6,721 deaths were attributed directly to HIV. Yeah.
01:13:05.000 So, it seems that they definitely think it's still killing people.
01:13:10.000 It definitely still is.
01:13:12.000 Tuberculosis?
01:13:13.000 Yeah, it's so high.
01:13:14.000 How many people die from the flu every year?
01:13:18.000 What do you think would be the most ruthless, normal killer?
01:13:22.000 Would it be the flu?
01:13:23.000 The flu would kill the most people?
01:13:25.000 36,000.
01:13:27.000 Way more people got jacked by the flu.
01:13:30.000 This is every year.
01:13:32.000 Every year.
01:13:33.000 And what was the number?
01:13:35.000 The AIDS number was total, right?
01:13:37.000 How many of those people got flu shots, though?
01:13:39.000 What is it?
01:13:40.000 This was 2014, so it's a third or so.
01:13:44.000 So what's a third?
01:13:46.000 AIDS to the flu.
01:13:47.000 AIDS is about one-third of the deaths of the flu per year-ish, on average.
01:13:53.000 I don't know if...
01:13:54.000 Isn't that interesting?
01:13:55.000 It's like, we're not scared of the thing that kills us way more.
01:14:00.000 We're really scared of the thing that kills less people because it kills them through butt sex.
01:14:06.000 That's what it is!
01:14:08.000 It has to be!
01:14:09.000 We're terrified that it kills people through sex.
01:14:11.000 Because the flu, it seems, is like, we should really be concentrating on that thing.
01:14:15.000 That thing's killing way more people.
01:14:17.000 People not washing their hands.
01:14:21.000 But they're like, look, we can't stop that.
01:14:23.000 But we can't stop all this buttex.
01:14:25.000 It's weird, right?
01:14:27.000 It's weird, like, when we...
01:14:29.000 Maybe it's just because it's a new thing that was killing people.
01:14:32.000 Because it didn't exist, and then it did exist.
01:14:34.000 That's probably what it is, right?
01:14:36.000 Yeah, because it came out of nowhere.
01:14:39.000 Because it was in, like, what was it, during the 80s?
01:14:42.000 Yes.
01:14:43.000 And Eddie Murphy said, and you're walking around with that 80s on your lip.
01:14:46.000 Oh, was that...
01:14:48.000 Delirious.
01:14:49.000 Do you remember Sam Kinison's bit on it?
01:14:51.000 No.
01:14:52.000 He goes, they say, Sam, you shouldn't make fun of AIDS. AIDS, Sam, is a communicable disease.
01:14:56.000 Straight people can get it too.
01:14:57.000 He goes, name one!
01:14:59.000 Name one fucking guy!
01:15:01.000 It's not our dance!
01:15:03.000 He had this crazy, dangerous bit about it, like, way back then, like, whoa.
01:15:11.000 It's like zero in around like 1980. I don't know if that's accurate, but...
01:15:14.000 So 1980 was the highest peak?
01:15:16.000 Maybe it's in thousands, so...
01:15:18.000 Yeah, it seems like...
01:15:18.000 Or 19 is low, so the highest was around 91. It seems like late 70s, right?
01:15:22.000 Is that somewhere around 1980?
01:15:24.000 The one thing, too, I read that there was around 300,000 total deaths, and a third of them were in New York.
01:15:30.000 300,000 total deaths, a third in New York, and the flu...
01:15:34.000 This is all told ever.
01:15:37.000 Again, these stats are all on multiple pages, so I think so.
01:15:40.000 How many of the...
01:15:41.000 See, I get so confused about all this shit, because some people believe that a lot of these people also are shooting heroin, a lot of these people are also doing a lot of drugs.
01:15:52.000 I would wonder, you know, if they're really partying hard and they also get AIDS, I would always wonder, like, how much of you partying hard is destroying your immune system, too?
01:16:02.000 Like, if you have a disease, like, say you have cancer...
01:16:07.000 And you're struggling with cancer, and you just decide to hardcore start smoking meth, and then you die from the cancer.
01:16:14.000 Like, didn't something else kill you too?
01:16:17.000 Right?
01:16:18.000 Not saying that the cancer's good for you, cancer's certainly bad for you, but if you have cancer and you just decide to go on a meth binge, And destroy your immune system.
01:16:27.000 It's got to contribute to your health.
01:16:30.000 But we don't consider that.
01:16:31.000 We don't consider, oh, the fucking cancer got him.
01:16:33.000 Cancer got him.
01:16:34.000 It did get him.
01:16:35.000 It definitely did get him.
01:16:36.000 But he was also smoking meth all day.
01:16:40.000 Feeling good.
01:16:41.000 Doing robberies.
01:16:42.000 Dude, robberies with fucking skulls painted on his forehead.
01:16:46.000 Getting bites at 7-11.
01:16:47.000 Yeah, man.
01:16:47.000 He was amped.
01:16:48.000 Dude was amped with cancer.
01:16:51.000 That's also, I mean, if he dies of a heart attack, like, oh, the cancer gave him a heart attack.
01:16:55.000 Yeah, probably.
01:16:56.000 That probably had something to do with it.
01:16:57.000 Definitely was not good.
01:16:59.000 It's definitely not good to have cancer.
01:17:00.000 But it's also not good to be smoking meth while you have cancer.
01:17:04.000 Smoking bath, that's bad.
01:17:05.000 So how many of these people that got AIDS were like extremely healthy folks that like, you know, jogged on a regular basis and ate a lot of fruit and vegetables?
01:17:15.000 It's not really hard to get that data.
01:17:16.000 I know, I would like to get that data.
01:17:18.000 This is not like a prejudiced perspective.
01:17:20.000 I'm just curious person.
01:17:22.000 I would like to get all that.
01:17:23.000 I would like to know what is it that actually does it?
01:17:26.000 Is it Is it the meth that kills you?
01:17:30.000 Is it a disease that kills you?
01:17:31.000 Is it a combination of all these things?
01:17:33.000 We always want to attribute death to one thing.
01:17:36.000 But I would imagine that.
01:17:38.000 With all the people that have died of the flu, there's a number of deaths.
01:17:42.000 When you look at the flu, you're like, man, the flu could just catch you.
01:17:46.000 The flu could just catch you.
01:17:48.000 Catch you when you're already weak, too.
01:17:51.000 Maybe you're run down, you've been working too much, and then the flu hits you when your immune system's devastated and it gets deep into you and gets you.
01:17:59.000 Everybody's vulnerable.
01:18:00.000 I mean, the thing about diseases that's so strange to me is that some of them are associated with certain diseases Certain groups of people like AIDS like AIDS is one of those ones is just so Associated with gay people that it's like a really politically charged disease and we concentrate on it like really heavily But I really think it wasn't just the gay thing,
01:18:19.000 it was also that it was new.
01:18:21.000 New.
01:18:22.000 It was a new thing that was killing people.
01:18:24.000 We were always worried about that, right?
01:18:25.000 There's always these pandemic movies where some new crazy disease breaks loose and just runs rampant and we don't have an immune system for it and people start dying and they need to get the medication to the people and get it to the baby quickly!
01:18:37.000 People are afraid to get on subways, SARS. There's always some shit like that.
01:18:41.000 We're always terrified of some new shit that's going to get us.
01:18:44.000 Swine flu, chicken flu.
01:18:45.000 So AIDS had a dual disadvantage.
01:18:51.000 One, that was connected to gay people.
01:18:53.000 And people were like, oh, what are they doing over there?
01:18:56.000 I'm not going to get it.
01:18:57.000 I'm not gay.
01:18:58.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:18:59.000 There was that.
01:19:00.000 Blood transfusions.
01:19:02.000 Car accidents.
01:19:03.000 Oh, that's right, right?
01:19:03.000 People were worried about getting from blood transfusions.
01:19:06.000 So that means back then they were just letting random people donate blood without checking it.
01:19:11.000 I don't think they had a test for it for a while.
01:19:14.000 I think for a while they didn't have a test for it.
01:19:16.000 Then they have to find, I guess they have to find antibodies in your blood or some shit.
01:19:22.000 But it's so weird that while this is all going on, how many people are dying from cancer every year just from smoking cigarettes?
01:19:27.000 It's fucking crazy numbers.
01:19:30.000 Crazy numbers.
01:19:31.000 People dropping like flies.
01:19:32.000 And no one thinks about that when you see a guy smoking a cigarette.
01:19:35.000 You don't think that guy's killing himself.
01:19:37.000 He's like, oh, he's outside in front of the restaurant having a cig.
01:19:39.000 Normal shit.
01:19:40.000 No, that guy's poisoning himself.
01:19:43.000 Or a guy with weak levers.
01:19:45.000 But it's just strange to me like we get really specific about what fears we have in terms of what way we die.
01:19:51.000 And when a new disease comes along that becomes like one of the most specific ones.
01:19:55.000 But while you're indulging in all these behaviors that will also kill you in way larger numbers than diseases.
01:20:02.000 It's fucking weird man.
01:20:04.000 It's very weird.
01:20:05.000 Human beings, me included, we're so strange.
01:20:08.000 We're so strange in the way we like prioritize things.
01:20:12.000 Always.
01:20:13.000 Yeah.
01:20:14.000 Do you get the flu shot?
01:20:15.000 No.
01:20:16.000 Joey Diaz, I won't give up the joke.
01:20:19.000 He has one of the best new bits about it.
01:20:22.000 I never got the flu shot, but I've gotten the flu once.
01:20:24.000 And it was like two years ago, out of nowhere, man.
01:20:28.000 I just hit a fat-ass bowl.
01:20:30.000 Then my legs got hot.
01:20:32.000 And my whole body felt hot.
01:20:33.000 And I told my wife, I think I'm going to get sick.
01:20:35.000 So you hit a bowl, and that's when it came on?
01:20:38.000 I won't say it was a bowl, but that's when I started feeling it hot.
01:20:42.000 Huh.
01:20:43.000 So the weed made you aware of it?
01:20:46.000 Yes.
01:20:47.000 But it wasn't the weed, though.
01:20:48.000 Hey, asshole.
01:20:49.000 Yeah, the weed was probably like, hey, asshole, you got the flu.
01:20:52.000 You better pay attention to your body.
01:20:56.000 I got it like a couple years ago.
01:20:57.000 I kicked it quick because I caught it coming on.
01:21:00.000 I felt it.
01:21:01.000 I was like, oh, I know what this is.
01:21:03.000 And I just laid down.
01:21:05.000 I didn't do shit.
01:21:06.000 I just laid down, drank a lot of tea, chilled the fuck out.
01:21:10.000 I didn't do shit.
01:21:11.000 I just laid down and relaxed and let my body recuperate itself.
01:21:15.000 I got lucky that it happened during a time where I didn't have anything to do that day.
01:21:19.000 So I could take time off.
01:21:21.000 I heard that when you get a real hot, a real good flu, it's like your body fighting off something inside your body.
01:21:28.000 Yeah, your body's basically going to war.
01:21:30.000 Fuck yeah.
01:21:31.000 Yeah, you're sweating up a storm.
01:21:33.000 Your body's trying to chase out the invaders.
01:21:34.000 You got people trying to get over that wall.
01:21:37.000 And my body's going...
01:21:38.000 Yeah, your body has little organisms trying to get over their walls.
01:21:42.000 You got walls set up to keep these things from breeding and, you know, taking over parts of your body.
01:21:48.000 So you got this immune system just going to war.
01:21:51.000 You got a little war going on in your body when you're sick.
01:21:53.000 I know that everything is fighting.
01:21:55.000 I got PCP, I got weed fighting, I got crack fighting.
01:21:59.000 Yeah, I mean, people don't like when you judge people's health.
01:22:04.000 And, you know, you definitely shouldn't judge someone based on whether or not they're sick.
01:22:10.000 What you're looking at when you see people that are sick, including yourself, all of us, what we're looking at is an organism that is at war, and we have this weird instinct to kind of get away from them, like, oh my god, I could get that.
01:22:24.000 I could get that organism, whatever that, I gotta get away from it.
01:22:27.000 What if one of the troops jumps off of him and hops into me?
01:22:31.000 I can't afford to take time off work now.
01:22:32.000 Get away from me!
01:22:35.000 I don't have time for lupus.
01:22:36.000 I don't got time for your coughing blood.
01:22:38.000 Don't cough blood on me, zombie man!
01:22:40.000 But think about how many people who don't never really take care of their body.
01:22:47.000 Because I know before I won Last Common Standing, I never had healthcare.
01:22:51.000 I was just gambling with my body.
01:22:53.000 I didn't go to the hospital unless I was really dying.
01:22:58.000 And when I went to the hospital, I went to this cheap little hospital right here in Echo Park.
01:23:04.000 How bad was it?
01:23:05.000 It was fucked up, man.
01:23:07.000 It smelled like an old elementary school in there.
01:23:12.000 and uh it's more like pine so it was an old korean doctor there and i told her what was wrong with me and she um i told her i have a flu i hope my butt hurts because i might have a hemorrhoid i don't know what's going on i'm bleeding out of my ass damn and she goes okay sit down and now she oh she and i paid a hundred dollars and what'd she give you she gave me medicines for the for the hemorrhoid because i had a hemorrhoid for the first time and then she gave me antibiotics for my flu What
01:23:42.000 does hemorrhoids come from?
01:23:44.000 Does it come from you trying to force your poo out?
01:23:46.000 Man.
01:23:47.000 That's what someone told me.
01:23:48.000 I think it was Eddie.
01:23:49.000 My first time, I didn't know, man.
01:23:51.000 I was on the road.
01:23:54.000 And I was on the low-carb diet, the Atkins diet.
01:23:57.000 Oh, okay.
01:23:57.000 So I was fucking with...
01:23:58.000 I ate cheese and meat all week.
01:24:01.000 You got bound up.
01:24:02.000 And I didn't drink no water.
01:24:04.000 I didn't drink no soda.
01:24:05.000 So I must have been stuffed.
01:24:08.000 So, Joe, I'm in the bathroom like the show's over.
01:24:12.000 And like two days, nothing, right?
01:24:15.000 Oh, no.
01:24:15.000 And I could feel like...
01:24:18.000 My butthole already felt like I had broken glass inside.
01:24:22.000 Oh, that feeling.
01:24:24.000 So, I finally pushed too hard.
01:24:27.000 I pushed it out like I was having a baby.
01:24:30.000 I was doing Lamaze.
01:24:32.000 Did you put that up on the YouTube screen, please?
01:24:35.000 So...
01:24:38.000 I fucking shit.
01:24:39.000 Put this up while he's talking because it's perfect.
01:24:41.000 And then I pushed and I pushed and then like, oh man, I could just feel, I saw like, I wiped myself and the toilet paper looked like a fucking tampon.
01:24:52.000 And I was in pain, dude.
01:24:54.000 It says the veins around your anus tend to stretch under pressure and may bulge or swell.
01:24:58.000 Swollen veins, hemorrhoids, can develop from increased pressure in the lower rectum due to straining during bowel movements, sitting for long periods of time on the toilet.
01:25:12.000 Eddie Bravo has a hilarious bit about it, about being on his phone, on his phone taking a shit.
01:25:17.000 It's very funny.
01:25:19.000 Didn't you talk about it on here?
01:25:20.000 I think you talked about it on here.
01:25:22.000 But it was crazy.
01:25:23.000 Yeah, not good for your butthole to be sitting in that position.
01:25:25.000 How would you describe the feeling, the pain?
01:25:28.000 It feels like, I remember talking about it in a bit, I said that it felt like every night there was a ghost sodomizing me.
01:25:36.000 Like, fuck you in the ass at night.
01:25:38.000 How many days did you go before you took a shit?
01:25:41.000 Three days, then I took the shit, that's when the pain started.
01:25:45.000 And I blew my butthole out, I guess.
01:25:48.000 And then like three days later, I did shit right without pain for like two weeks.
01:25:53.000 I was afraid to fucking eat, man.
01:25:55.000 I have a friend of mine who had to go to a doctor and they had to literally break up the shit in his butthole.
01:26:00.000 They had to go up his butthole with an instrument and break it up and flush him out.
01:26:05.000 They had to give him something.
01:26:06.000 I think he had to take something, some sort of diuretic and some stool loosening agent, like some hardcore drugs.
01:26:12.000 And then they had to go in there with like a chisel.
01:26:15.000 And chip off this concrete log that he had at the bottom of his butthole.
01:26:20.000 And then, you know, he hadn't shit in many days.
01:26:24.000 Well, it was dry, too.
01:26:24.000 Yeah, it was dangerous.
01:26:25.000 And he couldn't get it out.
01:26:26.000 So he was literally plugged up.
01:26:28.000 And it kept piling in.
01:26:29.000 It's not like he's going to stop eating.
01:26:31.000 It's just going to keep piling in.
01:26:32.000 So he's got a blockade of, like, shit rocks at the end of his booty tunnel.
01:26:37.000 And it's a real problem.
01:26:39.000 It could be bad.
01:26:39.000 It's a real problem.
01:26:40.000 He had to go to a doctor.
01:26:41.000 Mine, like, finally came out and then...
01:26:44.000 Clink, clink, clink.
01:26:44.000 All right.
01:26:45.000 But it was all bad.
01:26:45.000 It was all dry.
01:26:46.000 It was ugly, man.
01:26:48.000 Painful.
01:26:48.000 You gotta eat your vegetables, son.
01:26:49.000 And then I peed.
01:26:50.000 Every time I peed, after I finished peeing, it was hurting my butthole after I peed.
01:26:55.000 Yeah, I mean, that's one thing that I freak out about people that are on this carnivore diet.
01:27:00.000 I hear this carnivore diet stuff and they're like, oh no, no problem shitting at all.
01:27:04.000 I'm like, no problem at all.
01:27:05.000 You don't eat any vegetables, you got no problem at all.
01:27:08.000 Would it really kill you to eat some broccoli with that?
01:27:11.000 A little kale.
01:27:12.000 You gotta loosen that motherfucking pipeline up.
01:27:14.000 I just can't imagine that broccoli's killing you.
01:27:17.000 I think if broccoli's killing you...
01:27:20.000 There's probably something else wrong.
01:27:22.000 You should probably get your blood work done and try to figure out what the vitamins are.
01:27:26.000 If you eat broccoli and you start getting headaches, bro, I eat broccoli, it fucks with my gains.
01:27:30.000 I eat broccoli, I get a headache.
01:27:32.000 Are you sure, man?
01:27:33.000 People have been eating broccoli forever.
01:27:35.000 How is that possible?
01:27:37.000 When did broccoli ever become something that you feel shitty after you ate?
01:27:41.000 Has anybody ever said that?
01:27:43.000 Like, I eat broccoli, I just fucking get headaches.
01:27:46.000 It fucks over my immune system.
01:27:48.000 Some dudes will claim that now.
01:27:49.000 These carnivore guys, a lot of them are claiming, like, I eat a fucking salad, bro.
01:27:53.000 I'm off for a while.
01:27:55.000 People...
01:27:55.000 I typed it in back the other way.
01:27:57.000 In general, broccoli is safe to eat.
01:27:59.000 Any side effects are not serious.
01:28:01.000 The most common side effect is gas or bowel irritation.
01:28:04.000 Yeah, broccoli farts.
01:28:06.000 Caused by broccoli's high amounts of fiber.
01:28:09.000 All cruciferous...
01:28:10.000 That's a great word.
01:28:11.000 Cruciferous vegetables can make you grassy.
01:28:13.000 Oh, gassy.
01:28:15.000 I like how you said gassy.
01:28:17.000 Gassy.
01:28:18.000 Are you a scientist or not, you fuck?
01:28:20.000 Okay?
01:28:21.000 When you're a scientist, you use scientific terms.
01:28:23.000 You don't say gassy with me.
01:28:25.000 What, are you scared of saying farts?
01:28:27.000 Gassy.
01:28:28.000 But the health benefits outweigh the discomfort.
01:28:30.000 Yeah.
01:28:31.000 So there's certain people that I think have a real physical issue.
01:28:35.000 Like Jordan Peterson is one of them when he describes he literally can't have anything other than meat at this point in his life or it gives him headaches and it fucks with him.
01:28:46.000 I think certain people, all bullshit aside, might have a real biological issue with vegetables, which sounds insane.
01:28:53.000 But it only makes sense.
01:28:55.000 People have a problem with everything.
01:28:57.000 There's certain people that have a problem with almost everything.
01:29:00.000 There's people that are allergic to citrus.
01:29:02.000 There's people that are allergic to certain nuts.
01:29:03.000 Avocados.
01:29:04.000 Yeah, all kinds of plants.
01:29:06.000 There's people that are allergic to grass.
01:29:07.000 Why wouldn't people be allergic to some vegetables?
01:29:11.000 So if you are allergic to some vegetables...
01:29:14.000 And you just go on an all-meat diet.
01:29:16.000 All those symptoms of those allergies go away.
01:29:19.000 Why wouldn't that make sense to people?
01:29:21.000 I mean, there's so many people fighting off the idea of this carnivore diet, that you're only eating meat and you feel fantastic.
01:29:29.000 You're probably dealing with a bunch of people that have undiagnosed interactions, like negative interactions with vegetables.
01:29:38.000 There's probably something about their system that does not go well with vegetables.
01:29:43.000 So they should take vitamins.
01:29:44.000 Take vitamins and eat meat.
01:29:45.000 And you better find a way to get some fiber, kids.
01:29:49.000 You don't want to get all backed up.
01:29:51.000 Vegetables are good.
01:29:52.000 I think if you eat, like, really fatty meat, though, you don't have that problem.
01:29:57.000 If you eat, like, a ton of ribeyes, it just greases up that whole pipeline, and you're like, whoa!
01:30:02.000 Everything comes a flying out.
01:30:03.000 I think when you start eating that lean ground bison meat, you know, no butter, like, you're gonna have a problem.
01:30:10.000 Or butterball.
01:30:11.000 Yeah, you chew that shit down and pack it down, then you water on top of it, so it's got, like, you got, like, the packed out bison here, and then you got the water behind it, and it's concretifying it, and it's way through your body.
01:30:23.000 Have some broccoli, bro.
01:30:24.000 Eat some kale.
01:30:25.000 Put some cheese on it.
01:30:27.000 Some people really firmly believe that dairy's bad for you.
01:30:30.000 And that's something I've never tried.
01:30:31.000 You've never had dairy?
01:30:33.000 No, no, no, to not have dairy.
01:30:35.000 I've never tried to weigh off 100% dairy.
01:30:38.000 I don't eat much, but if I do, it's mostly cheese.
01:30:40.000 Hardly ever drink milk, unless it's with cookies.
01:30:43.000 And whenever I do, I always feel weird.
01:30:45.000 No, if I eat milk, I shouldn't myself.
01:30:49.000 I've been lactose intolerant, and I didn't even know that.
01:30:54.000 My mom never told me, but man, every time I'm eating cheese, I have a problem.
01:30:58.000 I get stuffed up.
01:30:59.000 I don't come out.
01:31:00.000 Damn.
01:31:00.000 So I fuck with almond milk and soy milk now.
01:31:03.000 Yeah, do you fuck with vegan cheese?
01:31:05.000 I probably try that.
01:31:05.000 Everything vegan.
01:31:06.000 I don't eat meat no more.
01:31:07.000 When did you stop?
01:31:08.000 Well, when I fucked my asshole.
01:31:10.000 That's a good move.
01:31:11.000 Get that fiber in, sonny.
01:31:14.000 Do you feel good, though?
01:31:15.000 You feel okay?
01:31:16.000 I'm still fat.
01:31:17.000 People don't believe me.
01:31:19.000 They say, you're vegan, you're fucking fat.
01:31:20.000 What are you, crops?
01:31:22.000 Why are you opposed to eggs?
01:31:24.000 Oh no, just give it all up, man.
01:31:27.000 I got so scared after I started bleeding, man.
01:31:30.000 And I said, you know what?
01:31:32.000 Gotta get your diet on point.
01:31:34.000 Do you feel better?
01:31:35.000 I feel good.
01:31:36.000 I mean, I don't have the runs.
01:31:38.000 I don't have to shit on myself anymore.
01:31:42.000 You ever try other types of diets, or is this the first one?
01:31:45.000 No, I tried the Atkins diet, I tried the Hollywood diet, you know, when you wake up in the morning, do some coke, and then party.
01:31:54.000 You tried that one?
01:31:55.000 Is that a good one?
01:31:55.000 No, it sucked.
01:31:56.000 That one sucked.
01:31:58.000 Never tried that one.
01:32:00.000 Yeah, are you trying to lose weight?
01:32:04.000 Are you good?
01:32:04.000 No, I mean, I could lose weight, but I was bigger than I am right now.
01:32:08.000 But you just went on the diet because of...
01:32:11.000 No, that's not really a diet.
01:32:12.000 I just started this in 2011 or 2012. But you said when your ass was bleeding?
01:32:20.000 Yeah.
01:32:20.000 That's when you decided?
01:32:21.000 That's when I decided.
01:32:21.000 I started out slow.
01:32:23.000 I stopped drinking milk first, and then I stopped with cheese, then meat was the hardest, fish, chicken.
01:32:31.000 I did it slow.
01:32:33.000 And what do you replace it with?
01:32:35.000 What kind of food do you eat?
01:32:36.000 Well, my wife, she was raised vegan in Dayton, Ohio by her mom.
01:32:41.000 Damn.
01:32:41.000 And they were poor, so they grew up in a trailer park, so that must have been tough for them, being vegan.
01:32:49.000 So I just started little by little.
01:32:51.000 I told her to help me.
01:32:52.000 Because she was not vegan at the time when I started being vegan.
01:32:57.000 Because I used to love meat, man.
01:32:59.000 Like, fuck yeah, man.
01:33:02.000 Hamburgers, ribs, ribeye, lobster.
01:33:06.000 Jack in the box, number five.
01:33:09.000 Do you go and get your blood tested and get yourself checked out?
01:33:13.000 I got my blood tested two years ago, and I'm supposed to get my blood tested this week again.
01:33:18.000 Yeah, two years ago?
01:33:20.000 And how do you look in terms of your vitamins, getting enough nutrients?
01:33:24.000 Do they do all that kind of stuff, test your vitamin B levels?
01:33:27.000 Yes, that time they did.
01:33:29.000 They took my B levels.
01:33:30.000 It was for sugar, and everything was cool.
01:33:33.000 Yeah.
01:33:34.000 That's good.
01:33:35.000 He just told me I could lose 30 pounds.
01:33:38.000 Yeah.
01:33:40.000 So I started swimming.
01:33:41.000 I watched your videos every once in a while.
01:33:43.000 I'm trying to get into that ice thing you got into.
01:33:46.000 The ice thing's rough.
01:33:47.000 I want to, man.
01:33:48.000 It's good for inflammation, though.
01:33:49.000 You know what's good, too?
01:33:50.000 Saunas.
01:33:51.000 Saunas are good.
01:33:52.000 You were just in that sauna, 190 degrees.
01:33:55.000 Yeah.
01:33:57.000 It's different from the sauna they have at the YMCA, right?
01:34:00.000 No, sauna's the same.
01:34:01.000 Steam room's different.
01:34:02.000 Steam room is, like, if steam gets that hot, it's wet.
01:34:05.000 Steam is wood or wet?
01:34:06.000 No, no, no.
01:34:07.000 It really is, like, in the implementation of it more than anything.
01:34:11.000 But if you did a steam room, most likely it was a tile floor.
01:34:15.000 And you go in there, and you close on a glass door, and it's just hot steam, and everybody just gets hot in there, and then they get too sweaty, and then they leave.
01:34:24.000 But the sauna's different in that it's a dry heat.
01:34:27.000 So you go in there, and it's usually, I think the idea is, and I could be wrong here, but I think the idea is that the steam room can't get as hot as a sauna, because if it did, it would kind of cook you, because it's wet.
01:34:39.000 It would be like hot, wet air around you would kind of cook you, as opposed to the hot, dry air.
01:34:44.000 That doesn't make any sense, though.
01:34:46.000 It's touching you.
01:34:46.000 Which was the one that had the little hot rocks.
01:34:49.000 That's the sauna, right?
01:34:50.000 That's the sauna.
01:34:50.000 Yeah, because it's conducting, right?
01:34:52.000 The water is conducting the heat.
01:34:54.000 That's what it is, right?
01:34:55.000 So the air doesn't conduct the heat as well as the water does.
01:34:57.000 Okay, so that makes sense.
01:34:59.000 Because the sauna, you can get to a fucking crispy degree, a crispy temperature before your body starts to freak out.
01:35:07.000 That's like the old school, huh?
01:35:09.000 Like the Rat Pack, Sinatra.
01:35:11.000 Did they used to sit around the sauna?
01:35:12.000 Hell yeah, they would party all night and then take a little steam in the morning, get all that alcohol out.
01:35:17.000 It doesn't really do that, but it definitely would make you feel a little better.
01:35:20.000 Yeah, if you're fucked up from drinking, you could also run the risk of, because you might be dehydrated, you could run the risk of blacking out.
01:35:28.000 You know, if you're susceptible to that and you, look at them all there.
01:35:32.000 There it is.
01:35:33.000 He's on the phone.
01:35:34.000 Sinatra's on the phone.
01:35:35.000 There it is.
01:35:36.000 He's standing on the floor.
01:35:38.000 They're in the sauna laying down.
01:35:40.000 Look at these guys.
01:35:41.000 That's hilarious.
01:35:42.000 Meanwhile, how'd the photographer get in there?
01:35:44.000 I call bullshit.
01:35:45.000 Yeah.
01:35:46.000 I call bullshit.
01:35:47.000 The phone, I call bullshit with the photographer being in there.
01:35:50.000 It's probably during the Ocean's Eleven movie.
01:35:52.000 No, it probably really happened.
01:35:53.000 I'm sure he did it all the time.
01:35:54.000 Yeah, come on in.
01:35:55.000 Take a picture of us.
01:35:57.000 This is what we do.
01:36:00.000 Those guys were having a good time.
01:36:01.000 Hell yeah, man.
01:36:01.000 What a time.
01:36:02.000 They were having a good time, man.
01:36:04.000 It's a crazy...
01:36:04.000 They're like in their 50s there, right?
01:36:06.000 Oh, yeah.
01:36:06.000 They were older guys.
01:36:07.000 And they got together and they just did whatever the fuck they wanted.
01:36:10.000 They'd go to Vegas and party.
01:36:12.000 And everybody wanted to go party with them.
01:36:14.000 They're at the Sands there.
01:36:16.000 The Sands.
01:36:16.000 The Sands.
01:36:18.000 It's crazy when you look at those old hotels and casinos in Vegas, they just decide to dynamite them.
01:36:22.000 But what would you give to stay in the sands today if they kept everything up to date but current with the era in which it was created?
01:36:33.000 Like if you went there and it was a total retro hotel room with like fucking dial-up phones and you know just...
01:36:40.000 Wow, look!
01:36:43.000 I mean, there's something to be said for it, right?
01:36:46.000 If you live in a log cabin, there's something really cool about a log cabin, right?
01:36:52.000 You're living in a way that, God, people lived like this a thousand years ago, man.
01:36:57.000 This is real.
01:36:58.000 This is really how people lived.
01:36:59.000 But no one wants to live like people lived in the 60s.
01:37:02.000 Nah.
01:37:03.000 If they had a place like that where you had all the same kind of furniture, just updated, all the same utensils, but have that shit like they had it back then, how many people would want that?
01:37:18.000 Nah, not me.
01:37:20.000 Vegas was only made possible because of air conditioning.
01:37:23.000 Oh yeah, and water.
01:37:25.000 They couldn't have pulled that off if they didn't have some sort of way to cool the place down.
01:37:32.000 When did that start?
01:37:33.000 That's a good question.
01:37:34.000 The 50s?
01:37:36.000 Well, the Ice House, where we do stand-up, is 58 years old.
01:37:44.000 Before that, it was some sort of...
01:37:47.000 I think it was some sort of...
01:37:51.000 An actual ice house where they'd bring ice.
01:37:54.000 Yeah.
01:37:54.000 At some point it's history.
01:37:56.000 That's what it used to be.
01:37:56.000 It used to be a storage place where people that didn't have refrigerators.
01:37:59.000 Yeah, that's what the whole place is wood.
01:38:01.000 Yeah, they would buy a block of ice and they would take this ice and they would- Carry it home.
01:38:06.000 Jesus Christ.
01:38:07.000 That wasn't that long ago, man.
01:38:09.000 I mean, that's less than a hundred years ago.
01:38:11.000 That's insane.
01:38:13.000 So like 1947, Bugsie Seagull, Flamingo?
01:38:16.000 Yeah, I bet it couldn't be.
01:38:18.000 I'm going to take a guess.
01:38:19.000 I feel like we've probably talked about this already.
01:38:21.000 I've just forgotten because I'm too stupid to maintain all this information anymore.
01:38:25.000 My brain's overfilled.
01:38:28.000 I want to say it happened somewhere around the 1920s.
01:38:32.000 The 1950s?
01:38:34.000 What?
01:38:35.000 There was no refrigerators before the 50s?
01:38:37.000 Well, not the refrigerators.
01:38:37.000 I'm sorry.
01:38:37.000 It was the air conditioning in Vegas is what I was looking at.
01:38:39.000 Oh.
01:38:40.000 I'm sorry.
01:38:41.000 I was rambling.
01:38:43.000 I was going with both.
01:38:44.000 What casino was it?
01:38:45.000 Flamingo?
01:38:45.000 So air conditioning and refrigeration were different.
01:38:48.000 We went with the ice house, which is the blocks of ice that they used to use for ice boxes.
01:38:53.000 When do you think they invented the refrigerator where they didn't have to do that?
01:38:56.000 What came for the refrigerator or the ice chest?
01:38:59.000 So...
01:39:01.000 I'll check, but I think they...
01:39:03.000 So with air conditioning, the 50s, so the big roaring times of the Vegas eruption was probably right after that then.
01:39:11.000 Yeah.
01:39:12.000 It had to be like right after it was invented.
01:39:14.000 Well, there was a difference of air conditioning.
01:39:16.000 There was a standard air conditioning that we have now, but I used to work at Sears Robux in Boyle Heights.
01:39:23.000 It's an old Sears building, and they...
01:39:25.000 In 1987, there was a big earthquake, and I was working there, and all the water came down.
01:39:30.000 They have an old swamp cooler.
01:39:33.000 So it's like a big shell with a bunch of water in it, and that's really an old air conditioner.
01:39:39.000 By the mid to late 1930s, swamp coolers cooled homes by maybe 15 degrees, but added humidity.
01:39:47.000 Yes.
01:39:48.000 It was bad, dude.
01:39:50.000 Swamp coolers.
01:39:51.000 I like the name, man.
01:39:53.000 Swamp coolers.
01:39:53.000 It was a metal wood.
01:39:56.000 I had to clean one of those motherfuckers, man.
01:39:58.000 It was huge.
01:39:59.000 It was bigger than that for the whole building.
01:40:01.000 That's crazy.
01:40:03.000 And it broke and all the water came down.
01:40:06.000 Yeah, man.
01:40:06.000 Air conditioning, if you live in the Northeast, in the summertime, it gets wet.
01:40:12.000 Like, I lived in Boston.
01:40:13.000 It was a wet place.
01:40:15.000 Like, when the summertime would come around, it wouldn't just be that it was hot out.
01:40:20.000 It was hot and wet.
01:40:21.000 You know, things get sweaty as fuck.
01:40:23.000 Mosquitoes are everywhere.
01:40:25.000 Yeah, real muggy.
01:40:26.000 It's a weird feeling.
01:40:27.000 But it's cool, because you realize it's not going to happen very long.
01:40:31.000 You know, so like, when it is muggy, the thing about...
01:40:34.000 Like real contrast weather.
01:40:36.000 That's one thing we just don't get in California.
01:40:38.000 We don't get a contrast.
01:40:39.000 If you live in a place like New York, you'll have a summer that is brutally hot and muggy and people are walking around sweating and they're like, holy shit, it's fucking hot out.
01:40:49.000 It's fucking hot, dog.
01:40:50.000 But you'll also have a winter where you've got your shit pulled up to your face.
01:40:54.000 You're fucking dying, man.
01:40:56.000 You can't wait to get on that train or that bus or hop in an Uber.
01:41:00.000 You just got to get out of this fucking cold.
01:41:02.000 Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:41:04.000 And you're in the cab, and they're like, take me to this place.
01:41:07.000 Cab takes you to that place, you all pile out and immediately run inside.
01:41:11.000 Man, there's something about that that sucks at the time, but it's good for people.
01:41:16.000 You don't get that here, man.
01:41:17.000 Right here in LA, 1070, leg warmers.
01:41:23.000 Uggs.
01:41:23.000 Yeah, people are ugging it up everywhere.
01:41:26.000 They ugg it up.
01:41:27.000 Sometimes they bring in those boots too soon.
01:41:29.000 They bring in the uggs when they're wearing shorts.
01:41:31.000 Girls are allowed to do that.
01:41:33.000 We don't say shit.
01:41:34.000 They can do whatever they want, basically.
01:41:36.000 They're running fashion, for sure.
01:41:38.000 They decide.
01:41:40.000 That's why fanny packs went away.
01:41:42.000 It's because of girls.
01:41:43.000 They're like, uh-uh.
01:41:44.000 Guys aren't alright.
01:41:46.000 That's what happened.
01:41:47.000 Fanny packs are trying to make a comeback.
01:41:48.000 I remember there was a fanny pack...
01:41:51.000 I thought it was the only fanny pack I wanted to get.
01:41:53.000 I think I saw it on Guns and Ammo.
01:41:55.000 It was a fanny pack, and then the inside had a holster for a little.38.
01:42:01.000 Yeah.
01:42:02.000 You trying to rob me, son?
01:42:04.000 There's a video that Burt Kreischer just put up on his Instagram of a dude pulling his pistol out, shooting himself in the leg.
01:42:10.000 Tried to be Quick Draw McGraw.
01:42:12.000 He shot himself in the leg.
01:42:13.000 He goes, I just fucking shot myself!
01:42:17.000 And Burt Kreischer with all the tears coming out of his eyes.
01:42:23.000 He's so funny, man.
01:42:25.000 Burt Kreischer has a new Netflix special coming out August 24th.
01:42:30.000 Netflix.
01:42:31.000 Burt Kreischer.
01:42:32.000 I forget what it's called.
01:42:35.000 But Burt's going to be here the night before.
01:42:37.000 We're going to hype it up.
01:42:38.000 Secret time.
01:42:39.000 Maybe we'll shave an S in his chest for secret time.
01:42:45.000 He's a good dude, that guy.
01:42:46.000 He's a very good dude.
01:42:46.000 I've been on this podcast once.
01:42:48.000 He's a very good dude.
01:42:49.000 Very good guy.
01:42:50.000 We got a lot of good guys, man.
01:42:51.000 The Machine!
01:42:52.000 Yeah.
01:42:53.000 Like, comedy today is a good time.
01:42:55.000 It is.
01:42:55.000 A lot of good people.
01:42:56.000 It is, man.
01:42:56.000 It is.
01:42:57.000 It's a great time.
01:42:58.000 Funny people.
01:42:59.000 And cool people.
01:43:00.000 And it's fun.
01:43:01.000 Yeah, it's fun.
01:43:01.000 It's like fun and happy again.
01:43:03.000 Like the old time when I saw you at that gig.
01:43:05.000 Yeah, those were fun times, man.
01:43:07.000 Happy times.
01:43:08.000 Dublins.
01:43:08.000 Yep.
01:43:09.000 Go across the street.
01:43:11.000 See Chewy play?
01:43:12.000 Yeah.
01:43:13.000 When everything's good like that, it's good for everybody.
01:43:17.000 It makes the whole community more positive and it seems like we're helping out more young people coming up and then they develop a nice positive community too and they realize, hey man, We're all trying to get somewhere, but we're not against each other.
01:43:34.000 We should be supporting each other, and it'll help everybody.
01:43:36.000 It'll help you.
01:43:37.000 It'll help me.
01:43:38.000 There'll be more positive vibes flowing around.
01:43:41.000 Everybody be happy.
01:43:42.000 We inspire each other.
01:43:43.000 We're not competing against each other.
01:43:45.000 If someone does well, don't say, fuck him.
01:43:47.000 Say, goddamn, he did it.
01:43:49.000 I could do it, too.
01:43:50.000 The same amount of energy could be put into both ways of thinking about it, but one way is so much more positive for you and for everybody around you.
01:43:58.000 And still allows you to have a competitive instinct because you're still competing against yourself.
01:44:02.000 You're competing to do better, but you're looking at the people around you as inspiration rather than as competition.
01:44:08.000 And so instead of having this negative, combative relationship with everybody around you that's also succeeding, you have this really cooperative, excited feeling about it.
01:44:18.000 That's entirely possible in business.
01:44:20.000 That's entirely possible in friendship.
01:44:23.000 That's how people should aspire to interface with things.
01:44:28.000 Always try to be as positive as you can.
01:44:30.000 To give the same amount of energy you can give towards positive and still fulfill all those same amount of instincts of kicking ass and doing well.
01:44:39.000 Do it against yourself.
01:44:40.000 Compete against yourself.
01:44:41.000 Don't think about it as those other people are taking something away from you.
01:44:44.000 Think about it as they're giving you an opportunity to look at what's possible if you really dedicate yourself.
01:44:49.000 And you should choose that as a valuable life lesson.
01:44:51.000 Like, wow, look at that guy doing so well.
01:44:54.000 Or look at this girl, like, kicking ass and doing all this.
01:44:56.000 How does she accomplish that?
01:44:57.000 How does she write all those things?
01:44:58.000 How does she make all these movies?
01:45:00.000 How does she do all these things?
01:45:01.000 Like, fuck!
01:45:02.000 But people don't do that.
01:45:03.000 The natural instinct is to look at someone who's like some crazy, super competitive person like The Rock or something like that.
01:45:11.000 You see The Rock.
01:45:12.000 He's in everything.
01:45:13.000 He's in everything.
01:45:14.000 You want to shit on him.
01:45:16.000 But he's such a nice guy, you can't.
01:45:18.000 It's a real problem.
01:45:20.000 That guy could do terrible movie after terrible movie.
01:45:23.000 No one cares because he's such a good guy.
01:45:27.000 He could do whatever he wants.
01:45:29.000 He seemed like a nice guy.
01:45:30.000 He's a very nice guy.
01:45:32.000 And he's the real deal.
01:45:33.000 That's really what he does.
01:45:35.000 I mean, that guy really does show up at a fucking hotel room at 4 o'clock in the morning, flies across the world, and immediately starts working out.
01:45:41.000 Wow.
01:45:42.000 He's an animal.
01:45:43.000 Like, you want to be inspired?
01:45:45.000 That guy's worth more money than everyone.
01:45:49.000 He makes more money than anybody that's ever made any money in movies.
01:45:51.000 He's a fucking juggernaut.
01:45:53.000 He's so out of control.
01:45:54.000 Every movie he does is a blockbuster.
01:45:56.000 Meanwhile, he still shows up, out of place.
01:46:00.000 They got one of them elliptical machines waiting for him.
01:46:04.000 They got weights waiting for him.
01:46:06.000 He goes to town.
01:46:08.000 He'll do like 45 minutes of cardio when he fucking lands flying across the world, lift weights for an hour.
01:46:13.000 He just keeps going.
01:46:14.000 He just keeps going.
01:46:15.000 He finds a way to not complain, stay positive, and just keep going.
01:46:20.000 I read half of his book.
01:46:22.000 That's a lot for you?
01:46:25.000 I remember that when he was third string and playing football in Canada, he was sharing a mattress with the last guy who got kicked out of a team.
01:46:37.000 Jesus.
01:46:38.000 To be now a superstar, I don't even know how many millions he makes a movie, but everybody sees his movies.
01:46:44.000 He's such a good guy, but here's to be really clear.
01:46:48.000 That kind of genetics, like what that guy is, that is just like we were talking about with Iceland.
01:46:54.000 That's the same shit.
01:46:56.000 That's the same shit with the Pacific Islands, man.
01:46:58.000 That's some warrior DNA, son.
01:47:00.000 That's a giant man.
01:47:02.000 That's a huge, super powerful man who fucking is so driven.
01:47:08.000 Like, we are lucky.
01:47:09.000 We are lucky that dude is not on the biggest fucking horse he could find with the biggest battle axe.
01:47:16.000 I mean, that's what these people come from, man.
01:47:19.000 You don't get to be that big if you don't have some sort of a great lineage of warriors behind you.
01:47:27.000 You mean, that's so much bigger than most people.
01:47:31.000 Bigger than Schwarzenegger.
01:47:32.000 Dude, he's so big!
01:47:33.000 But all those guys, like that guy that plays the mountain on Game of Thrones, like what in the holy fuck?
01:47:39.000 That guy's so big!
01:47:41.000 You know that that dude came out of some warrior bloodline.
01:47:46.000 Some crazy Viking bloodline.
01:47:48.000 Because before guns, that was what was most important.
01:47:52.000 So when you see a guy like The Rock, or you see a guy, you're like, wow, that guy looks like a conqueror.
01:47:56.000 Yeah, because that's what he comes from.
01:47:59.000 100%.
01:47:59.000 He's a Maori warrior.
01:48:01.000 That dude who plays Thor.
01:48:02.000 What's that dude's name?
01:48:03.000 Chris Helmsworth?
01:48:04.000 Chris Helmsworth.
01:48:05.000 That dude, listen.
01:48:09.000 That dude, he's a goddamn specimen.
01:48:11.000 Or Aquaman.
01:48:12.000 What is this, Jamie?
01:48:14.000 Body comparison of the rock to the mountain.
01:48:16.000 Who is the mountain?
01:48:17.000 The mountain's behind him.
01:48:18.000 He's 150 pounds on him.
01:48:19.000 Oh my god.
01:48:20.000 According to this.
01:48:21.000 Oh, the mountain from Game of Thrones.
01:48:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:48:22.000 Oh, sorry.
01:48:23.000 Yeah.
01:48:24.000 Holy shit.
01:48:25.000 Put that again?
01:48:26.000 Look how much bigger he is.
01:48:27.000 That's like...
01:48:28.000 That's significant.
01:48:31.000 And a good, like, six, seven inches.
01:48:33.000 He's so big.
01:48:34.000 That guy's so big.
01:48:35.000 How tall is he?
01:48:37.000 6'9 or some shit?
01:48:39.000 6'9.
01:48:40.000 Dude, that is so crazy.
01:48:42.000 I weigh more than both of them.
01:48:44.000 That's not true.
01:48:45.000 Oh, wow.
01:48:46.000 No, the mountain weighs like 390. Doesn't he?
01:48:49.000 386. Fuck!
01:48:51.000 Yeah, 386. He's 6'9.
01:48:53.000 He weighs 386 pounds.
01:48:55.000 Like, to put that in perspective, former world boxing champion...
01:49:00.000 Fuck is his name?
01:49:03.000 The Crazy Gypsy Dude.
01:49:05.000 I'm sorry.
01:49:08.000 No.
01:49:09.000 The guy, he's the last guy to beat, Vladimir Klitschko.
01:49:13.000 Goddammit, how am I not remembering his name?
01:49:17.000 Tyson Fury, right?
01:49:19.000 Yes, that's it.
01:49:19.000 Sorry, Tyson.
01:49:20.000 That guy's a beast.
01:49:22.000 Tyson Fury, he's 6'9", and he weighs 250. Damn.
01:49:27.000 And he's a world boxing champion.
01:49:29.000 He gave up the title.
01:49:32.000 He was going through some struggles, some health struggles, some mental health struggles, too.
01:49:36.000 And gained a shitload of weight.
01:49:38.000 And then, I mean, got real fat.
01:49:41.000 And then got all the way down to like a super healthy weight again.
01:49:45.000 And I don't know if he's boxed since.
01:49:47.000 I feel like he has.
01:49:49.000 Shit.
01:49:50.000 Find out if he's boxed since.
01:49:52.000 When was the last time he boxed?
01:49:54.000 But he's gonna box soon, I know, and he looks, he's in phenomenal shape.
01:49:57.000 So when was the last time he fought?
01:49:59.000 Does the Wikipedia say?
01:50:01.000 I feel like the last time he fought is when he outpointed Vladimir Klitschko, and then afterwards he had a real struggle.
01:50:07.000 Maybe just because all of a sudden he became the champ and he's freaking out and maybe partying too much or something.
01:50:13.000 He fought in June.
01:50:15.000 He fought just recently, right?
01:50:17.000 Yep.
01:50:17.000 So literally last month.
01:50:19.000 Yeah.
01:50:19.000 Yeah, and who did he beat?
01:50:21.000 Sefer Safiri.
01:50:22.000 Did he beat him by decision?
01:50:28.000 Doesn't say?
01:50:31.000 RTD. Where is it?
01:50:33.000 The decision.
01:50:35.000 RTD, round four.
01:50:37.000 What does that mean?
01:50:37.000 I don't know.
01:50:40.000 Referee something.
01:50:41.000 Technical knockout?
01:50:43.000 No, because it's TD. Technical decision.
01:50:46.000 Maybe it's if someone got head-butted and they got cut.
01:50:50.000 So find out what happened in that fight.
01:50:52.000 Just Google the fight.
01:50:53.000 We'll figure out what happened.
01:50:54.000 Anyway, if you go to his Instagram page, he's jacked now.
01:50:57.000 Shredded six-pack.
01:50:58.000 Bang, bang, bang.
01:50:59.000 Looks great.
01:51:00.000 But you gotta think, he's 250. That big motherfucker who's the same height as him is 140 pounds heavier than him.
01:51:07.000 You know how insane that is?
01:51:09.000 That is fucking insane.
01:51:11.000 That's so big.
01:51:13.000 140 steaks.
01:51:14.000 Just take 140 t-bones.
01:51:17.000 Just slap them all over that dude's body.
01:51:19.000 Just...
01:51:20.000 That used to be everything.
01:51:24.000 What was he doing before acting?
01:51:25.000 Doorman somewhere?
01:51:26.000 Smashing people.
01:51:27.000 Randomly.
01:51:29.000 I don't know, man.
01:51:29.000 I don't know what he was doing.
01:51:30.000 He could be a doorman anywhere, man.
01:51:31.000 He's the world's strongest man, though.
01:51:32.000 He's one of those guys.
01:51:33.000 He does those world strongman competitions.
01:51:36.000 Those guys are fucking strong, bro.
01:51:38.000 With the handles on the logs.
01:51:39.000 They hoist the logs.
01:51:39.000 And they look fat, too.
01:51:40.000 Quit after the fourth round.
01:51:41.000 Say that again?
01:51:42.000 The guy retired after the fourth round.
01:51:43.000 Oh, the guy quit.
01:51:44.000 Retired.
01:51:45.000 Oh, so he retired on his stool.
01:51:47.000 No mas.
01:51:47.000 So he said no mas.
01:51:48.000 Sounded like it was an interesting event.
01:51:50.000 Yeah.
01:51:51.000 The crowd was getting pissed, and there was a fight in the stands.
01:51:53.000 Yada, yada, yada.
01:51:54.000 Why was the crowd getting pissed?
01:51:55.000 Because the fight got stopped?
01:51:56.000 Because the dude quit?
01:51:57.000 Tyson Fury's a beast.
01:51:59.000 He's a really good boxer.
01:52:00.000 But, you know, he came up to way over 300 pounds, got real fat, and then lost it all.
01:52:07.000 Got down to 250, now he's smiling and laughing on his Instagram.
01:52:11.000 It's like, he figured it out.
01:52:12.000 Like, I like that.
01:52:12.000 I like when someone goes to the Darklands and then comes back.
01:52:15.000 Look at him.
01:52:16.000 He's a big, tall motherfucker.
01:52:18.000 Look how tall he is, dude.
01:52:20.000 6'9", and he can box his ass off.
01:52:23.000 He's very slick, like deceptively slick.
01:52:26.000 You know, he's a traveler.
01:52:27.000 He's like one of them badass gypsy dudes.
01:52:30.000 Like, there's quite a few of those in boxing right now.
01:52:34.000 These are, you know, tough fucking people.
01:52:36.000 And he can perform under pressure, too.
01:52:39.000 Like, he gets loose in there.
01:52:41.000 He's huge, man.
01:52:41.000 He's so big, dude.
01:52:43.000 Can he box?
01:52:44.000 He can box his ass off, man.
01:52:46.000 I just don't know why this guy...
01:52:47.000 So they're just standing in front of each other.
01:52:49.000 Yeah, it's like they're fucking around for like two rounds almost, and then he landed some blows, and I don't...
01:52:53.000 I'll go to the end here and see what happens.
01:52:54.000 Let's see what happens at the end.
01:52:57.000 Because if the guy just quit, and there was no point where he was hurt, then it's disgraceful.
01:53:05.000 So he's beating them up here.
01:53:08.000 Yeah, well, Tyson Fury's a legit...
01:53:10.000 Yeah, he's fucking him up.
01:53:11.000 He's a legit world championship caliber boxer.
01:53:14.000 I mean, he beat Vladimir Klitschko in his prime.
01:53:18.000 I mean, at the end of his reign, but he was still in his prime because his next fight against Anthony Joshua was fantastic.
01:53:24.000 Klitschko knocked Joshua down, had Joshua deep in deep trouble, and then Joshua came back and stopped him.
01:53:30.000 Joshua knocked him down first, then he knocked Joshua down second.
01:53:33.000 So it was like, Anthony Joshua is clearly, if not the best...
01:53:36.000 At least it's between him and Deontay Wilder right now until they fight.
01:53:40.000 The best, most dangerous heavyweights of our era.
01:53:44.000 And Klitschko almost beat him, almost knocked him out.
01:53:46.000 So when Tyson Fury beat him before that, he was beating a primetime Klitschko, and he just outboxed him, man.
01:53:52.000 So the dude just quit?
01:53:54.000 Was he getting beat up while I was talking too much?
01:53:57.000 I mean, no.
01:53:58.000 Shall we go a little bit more?
01:54:00.000 So this is the end of the round.
01:54:02.000 This is all the highlights.
01:54:03.000 I mean, they probably showed most of the hits.
01:54:05.000 Yeah, he was getting hurt.
01:54:07.000 He was getting hurt for sure.
01:54:08.000 Like right there, he got hurt.
01:54:10.000 But you gotta try to figure out a way to mitigate this.
01:54:16.000 You gotta figure out when...
01:54:18.000 I mean, he's going back to his corner.
01:54:20.000 He's not wobbling.
01:54:22.000 You're supposed to be trying to figure out a way to get past that dude.
01:54:25.000 And if you can't figure out a way to get past that dude, why'd you take the fight?
01:54:28.000 That's it.
01:54:29.000 The video stopped.
01:54:30.000 But I guess he probably thought he could beat that guy before he got in with him.
01:54:35.000 And then while you're in the middle of it, you know what happens?
01:54:37.000 Who that happens to?
01:54:38.000 Lomachenko.
01:54:39.000 Lomachenko guys just quit.
01:54:41.000 Guys quit on their corner.
01:54:42.000 World-class guys.
01:54:43.000 They're on their corner and they just go, fuck this.
01:54:45.000 I'm not going back out there.
01:54:47.000 That was like one of his more recent fights against a really high-level guy.
01:54:51.000 Lomachenko's so good.
01:54:52.000 He boxes guys out so convincingly.
01:54:54.000 They're like, look, I'm going out.
01:54:56.000 This guy keeps teeing up on me.
01:54:57.000 I'm not making it.
01:54:58.000 We're cutting this shit short right here.
01:55:00.000 And they'll do it with a straight face.
01:55:03.000 They're like, enough of this.
01:55:04.000 But that's because he's so much better.
01:55:06.000 What you're seeing with Tyson Fury there, that guy was definitely getting beat up.
01:55:09.000 And maybe he definitely needed to stop that fight.
01:55:12.000 But the way he's getting beat up is not like the same way Lomachenko does.
01:55:17.000 Like when Lomachenko does, it looks like the end is near, son.
01:55:20.000 You better get off this fucking train.
01:55:22.000 We're going right into a brick wall.
01:55:23.000 You think there might not end it when you just give up?
01:55:25.000 Who knows, man?
01:55:26.000 I mean, we didn't watch the actual fight.
01:55:28.000 He might have Tyson Fury most likely, I think, probably hit him with some big shots.
01:55:32.000 And, you know, we're looking at it from an outside perspective, but he knows he's in big, big trouble.
01:55:36.000 It's a smart move.
01:55:38.000 I mean, people, they boo and they get angry when someone who's a real warrior steps out of a fight.
01:55:43.000 But I can remember when Nigel Benn fought Gerald McClellan.
01:55:46.000 And it was a big, big fight at the time because they were both just knockout artists and crazy wild dudes with ferocious punching power.
01:55:53.000 And Gerald McClellan cut a shit ton of weight.
01:55:57.000 Really way too much weight and he was a really big light heavyweight and when he went in there and fought Gerald McClellan or when he fought Nigel Benn rather they had a clash of heads and it was a crazy like non-stop first round action where Gerald McClellan hurt Nigel Benn see if you can find that Gerald McClellan hurt Nigel Benn knocked him through the ropes and looked like the fight was over and Nigel Benn comes back He gets back up,
01:56:23.000 and they're going at it, and there's a crazy headbutt in there, too.
01:56:27.000 And during the headbutt, I mean, they're throwing bombs back and forth, but Gerald McClellan takes a knee shortly afterwards and then goes to his corner and stops.
01:56:36.000 And the people that are watching, I remember saying, like, why is he doing that?
01:56:40.000 Like, why would he stop a fight?
01:56:41.000 Like, you know, it doesn't make any sense.
01:56:44.000 And then, boom, he's fucked.
01:56:46.000 And then they take him to the hospital, and...
01:56:49.000 This is it?
01:56:50.000 This is what?
01:56:51.000 This is round 10 right before, I think I saw...
01:56:53.000 This is right before the headbutt?
01:56:55.000 Yeah.
01:56:55.000 So, during the first round...
01:56:57.000 See, I thought it was a shorter fight.
01:56:59.000 During the first round, they had collided, and Gerald McClellan hit him with some big shots, and it looked like the fight was over.
01:57:07.000 I'm pretty sure that was the first round.
01:57:10.000 But when...
01:57:12.000 When whatever happened, happened.
01:57:14.000 Oh, look at that right hand by Nigel Benn.
01:57:15.000 Oh, that's ferocious.
01:57:17.000 Oh, dude.
01:57:18.000 See, I totally remember this wrong.
01:57:21.000 I remember a clash of heads.
01:57:23.000 Look at that eye though, man.
01:57:27.000 Damn, I 100% remember this wrong.
01:57:29.000 Because he got up and he's in trouble.
01:57:34.000 And Nigel Bent's hitting him again.
01:57:35.000 See, I don't remember him.
01:57:36.000 See, that's interesting how that works, man.
01:57:38.000 You haven't seen a fight in 20 years and you have this stupid memory of it in your head.
01:57:42.000 Oh, look at that uppercut he hit him with.
01:57:44.000 So I think this is the end of the fight.
01:57:48.000 So I think he was really struggling at this point.
01:57:54.000 I think he waited out his whole count.
01:57:57.000 That's it.
01:57:57.000 He waited out his whole count on his knee.
01:58:00.000 And I think some people were critical of that at the time.
01:58:05.000 This is crazy, man.
01:58:10.000 So anyway, after this fight, Gerald McLellan had severe brain bleeding and was taken to the hospital.
01:58:18.000 And he's never been the same since.
01:58:21.000 Damn, man.
01:58:22.000 Nigel Bann was a beast, man.
01:58:24.000 They were both beasts.
01:58:25.000 Gerald McClellan was a knockout artist at the time, man.
01:58:28.000 See if you Google Gerald McClellan KO highlights.
01:58:32.000 The thought was that it was going to be one day Gerald McClellan versus Roy Jones Jr. That they were going to have a super fight.
01:58:39.000 That was like a big, like one of them Pacquiao Mayweather type fights for that era.
01:58:44.000 Wow, man.
01:58:44.000 He got hit hard, man.
01:58:46.000 I remember getting hit hard.
01:58:46.000 Getting hit in the face like that.
01:58:49.000 Why do I remember him getting headbutt?
01:58:51.000 Maybe I'm just completely delusional or maybe that was somewhere in that mix, but certainly it was the big bombs from McClellan that dropped him in the first round and the big bombs from Nigel Benn.
01:59:05.000 I want to see the first round, too, because from what I remember, it was a crazy comeback because Nigel Benn was really hurt in that first round, but just showed insane heart and figured out how to keep going, where a lot of people were like, this fight is over, this fight is over.
01:59:23.000 But you see in those highlight reels, he was a knockout artist.
01:59:26.000 But now he's in real, real, real, real bad shape.
01:59:30.000 He's in a wheelchair.
01:59:31.000 From that fight, he went blind.
01:59:34.000 He had severe bleeding on his brain and it never really recovered.
01:59:40.000 He could have died in that ring.
01:59:41.000 Oh yeah, absolutely could have died.
01:59:43.000 So here's the first round.
01:59:44.000 Look at this first round.
01:59:45.000 Insane.
01:59:45.000 You think we're gonna win?
01:59:46.000 Look at this.
01:59:47.000 Nigel Benn falls through the ropes.
01:59:49.000 Go back a little bit.
01:59:50.000 Go back a little bit.
01:59:51.000 So you can see how fucking insane this...
01:59:53.000 Go to the beginning of it.
01:59:55.000 You see how insane this combination is.
01:59:57.000 I mean, McClellan came out guns blazing.
02:00:00.000 And hit him with some serious bombs, man.
02:00:03.000 Look at this.
02:00:04.000 He hit him with a couple good shots there, good right hand, a good left hook to the body.
02:00:08.000 So this is the beginning of the fight.
02:00:10.000 You're thinking, oh my god, this fight is fucking over.
02:00:13.000 Look at that left hook.
02:00:14.000 Left hook to the body.
02:00:15.000 Right.
02:00:16.000 Boom.
02:00:16.000 Boom.
02:00:17.000 I mean, McClellan was a destroyer.
02:00:19.000 Look at this.
02:00:19.000 And this is when he's blasting him through the ropes.
02:00:22.000 You're like, holy shit, this fight is over.
02:00:25.000 Nigel Benn comes back from this to win like 10 rounds later, which is insane.
02:00:31.000 Insane.
02:00:32.000 Look at him.
02:00:33.000 I mean, clearly he's hurt.
02:00:34.000 He's kind of wobbly.
02:00:35.000 But Jeremy McLellan just couldn't keep this up.
02:00:39.000 Nigel Benn survived and came back.
02:00:42.000 Those are like...
02:00:44.000 Mad intangibles in a fight.
02:00:45.000 That's why the best description of fights is always the theater of the unknown, because you really never know what the fuck is going to happen when you get these two world-class knuckle-slingers throwing fucking haymakers at each other like this.
02:01:00.000 Look at McClellan.
02:01:01.000 Oh, Nigel Benn comes back with a right!
02:01:04.000 And he clinches.
02:01:05.000 Now, McClellan's starting to get a little tired.
02:01:08.000 Look at his knees.
02:01:09.000 They're giving up on McCallum.
02:01:11.000 Yeah, I mean, you've got to think what kind of output he's putting.
02:01:13.000 He's trying to win this fight.
02:01:15.000 And Chael Sonnen told me something once that's an old boxing saying.
02:01:23.000 Something along the lines of, if you try to stop a fight and win by knockout but fail, you almost always lose by decision.
02:01:31.000 Because you just blow yourself out so bad.
02:01:35.000 Obviously, that's not totally the case because some people have crazy endurance and they can try to win a fight by knockout and then recover around later.
02:01:44.000 But the amount of output that you do when you're throwing everything full blast like McClellan did in that first round is insane.
02:01:52.000 It's like sprinting.
02:01:53.000 How many punches did he throw in that first round?
02:01:55.000 He threw a lot, but here's the most important thing.
02:01:58.000 He's throwing a lot of them at full power.
02:02:00.000 That's why it's so difficult to maintain.
02:02:03.000 What most people don't realize is that most of the time when you see boxers boxing, We're good to go.
02:02:38.000 They're not exerting the same amount of energy.
02:02:41.000 See, when you're trying to knock somebody out like McClellan clearly was in this first round, you are running uphill with a weight sack on your back.
02:02:49.000 And you can only do it for so long.
02:02:50.000 So as we go into the second round, like, look, you see he's already really tired.
02:02:56.000 So it was as much his weight cut as it was his strategy to try to win the first round as it was Nigel Ben's ability to absorb punishment and come back strong because Ben is looking fantastic here in the second round.
02:03:11.000 Look at him.
02:03:13.000 But it was a big wake-up call to a lot of boxers that if you engage in wild brawls, even when you were one of the elite of the elite, like Gerald McClellan was at the time, you could still get brain bleeding and be fucked up.
02:03:26.000 And a lot of people attribute that to that weight cut because he had to dehydrate himself quite a bit back then.
02:03:31.000 You think his game plan from his coaches was to get this guy out in the first round?
02:03:35.000 It could be, but it could be that he hurt him and he figured he could get him out in the first round.
02:03:39.000 You know what I mean?
02:03:39.000 McClellan was a killer.
02:03:41.000 That was his thing.
02:03:41.000 If he hurt you, he was coming after you.
02:03:44.000 So what's that?
02:03:45.000 So he had 14 straight knockouts and 10 were in the first round.
02:03:48.000 Yeah, I mean, come on, man.
02:03:49.000 That's what Gerald McClellan did.
02:03:51.000 So when it didn't work out against a guy like Nigel Benn, Nigel Benn figured out how to maintain his energy better in that fight.
02:03:58.000 That's a, you know, that's a dangerous strategy.
02:04:01.000 Empty all your bullets out in the first round.
02:04:04.000 He was just on defense for the first three rounds then, huh?
02:04:07.000 But meanwhile, like, that's what was his success formula up until then, you know?
02:04:12.000 I mean, that was what was working.
02:04:14.000 You don't know it doesn't work until it don't work anymore.
02:04:16.000 14 straight knuckles that way?
02:04:18.000 Yeah.
02:04:19.000 I mean, dude, you remember when we used to think that nobody could beat Tyson?
02:04:22.000 Yeah.
02:04:23.000 Remember?
02:04:24.000 Dude, when we were little...
02:04:26.000 When we were young, we thought...
02:04:29.000 I think it was like...
02:04:30.000 When did he lose?
02:04:31.000 86?
02:04:32.000 Did he lose in like 1986?
02:04:34.000 To Buster Douglas.
02:04:35.000 Yeah.
02:04:35.000 What year was that?
02:04:36.000 90?
02:04:37.000 89?
02:04:37.000 90?
02:04:38.000 Google that.
02:04:40.000 He moved...
02:04:42.000 He did it...
02:04:42.000 I was definitely doing comedy at the time.
02:04:45.000 And I definitely saw it with my friend Ron after the fact.
02:04:50.000 February 11th, 1990. 1990. Damn.
02:04:53.000 Damn.
02:04:54.000 So from that point on, we knew he could lose.
02:04:57.000 Before that, every Tyson fight, you're like, man, I'm not going to bother watching.
02:05:01.000 Why do people even want to fight that guy?
02:05:03.000 They're just getting killed.
02:05:04.000 What were the odds of him winning?
02:05:06.000 42, I think.
02:05:08.000 42 to 1?
02:05:08.000 Somebody got paid.
02:05:09.000 Somebody got paid.
02:05:10.000 Some crazy number.
02:05:11.000 I think it was 42. I think it was one of the highest underdogs ever that won.
02:05:16.000 Yeah, 42. 42?
02:05:17.000 And he won by knockout.
02:05:19.000 Buster Douglas was fantastic back then, man.
02:05:21.000 He fucked him up, huh?
02:05:23.000 Well, dude, Buster Douglas is a crazy example of a guy who always had a tremendous amount of talent.
02:05:29.000 He was always regarded as people that were in the know in boxing.
02:05:33.000 I heard them talk about him, and they would always talk about how smooth he was in training, and when he's at his best, he's literally like a world championship fighter.
02:05:43.000 But he never totally put it together as far as his discipline in training camp.
02:05:48.000 But then his mom died.
02:05:50.000 And he decided he was gonna fuck Mike Tyson up for his mother.
02:05:54.000 Fuck!
02:05:54.000 And he trained really, really hard.
02:05:56.000 So it was a perfect storm of Mike Tyson being king of the world.
02:05:59.000 You know, he's just fucking everybody up.
02:06:03.000 Doesn't even feel like he has to train anymore.
02:06:05.000 He's just...
02:06:08.000 He's just being the world heavyweight champion.
02:06:11.000 That's what they're like.
02:06:12.000 The reason why they become that guy in the first place is because they have this ability to indulge and excess and go crazy.
02:06:17.000 He's buying tigers and Lamborghinis and shit.
02:06:20.000 And along the way, Buster Douglas, for that fight, trained like a demon.
02:06:25.000 And still almost lost.
02:06:27.000 Still almost lost.
02:06:28.000 That's how good Tyson was.
02:06:29.000 When Tyson was in his prime as a knockout artist, he was so lethal that even though Buster Douglas and him...
02:06:36.000 Fought and Buster Douglas eventually wound up knocking him out.
02:06:39.000 He knocked him out after Mike Tyson knocked Buster Douglas down and had him hurt.
02:06:44.000 And Don King, after the fight, even protested and said that the count was more than 10. And that when Buster Douglas was down, the referee gave him an extra couple seconds to recover that he shouldn't have had.
02:06:55.000 I remember that was like a big protest after the fight.
02:06:59.000 But even then, even with shitty training, not taking this guy seriously at all, even then, Mike Tyson still knocked Buster Douglas down and almost knocked him out with one punch.
02:07:11.000 What round did he knock him out, Buster Douglas?
02:07:14.000 That was the longest Tyson fight he ever had, right?
02:07:18.000 No, he's had decisions.
02:07:20.000 He had decisions.
02:07:21.000 I think he had a decision against Bonecrusher Smith.
02:07:23.000 This video here has both knockdowns simultaneous, so you can see the different ten counts, I guess.
02:07:29.000 Okay, let's see it.
02:07:31.000 Boom!
02:07:32.000 He clipped him with an uppercut, right?
02:07:35.000 There's three, four.
02:07:37.000 He's only on three on the left.
02:07:39.000 He's on five or six on the right.
02:07:40.000 Oh, that's so different.
02:07:44.000 Oh, that's so different.
02:07:46.000 He was counting in Roman numbers.
02:07:48.000 Yeah.
02:07:50.000 Oh man, it was the end of the round.
02:07:52.000 It was the very end of the round, so Buster got a break.
02:07:55.000 So, look, that's just how it goes.
02:07:57.000 Go to the very beginning again, please.
02:07:59.000 Five, six seconds.
02:07:59.000 Go to the very beginning again so I can see the punch.
02:08:01.000 Here it is.
02:08:01.000 That's it right there.
02:08:02.000 Yeah.
02:08:03.000 Boom!
02:08:04.000 Look at that uppercut.
02:08:04.000 That's a beautiful uppercut Tyson nailed him with too.
02:08:08.000 Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
02:08:17.000 You're out.
02:08:17.000 You're out, Buster.
02:08:18.000 Yeah, he's only on eight on Buster there.
02:08:20.000 No, he's out.
02:08:21.000 He's out.
02:08:23.000 Do that again.
02:08:24.000 That seems like he's out, right?
02:08:26.000 Doesn't it?
02:08:26.000 Yeah.
02:08:27.000 Let's try it again.
02:08:27.000 Ready?
02:08:27.000 Boom!
02:08:28.000 He goes down.
02:08:29.000 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
02:08:41.000 He's out.
02:08:42.000 Someone distracted him on number eight.
02:08:44.000 Yeah, does that stop the count?
02:08:46.000 Is that how that works?
02:08:47.000 It was a longer pause.
02:08:48.000 Is that how that works?
02:08:49.000 A split second when you turn the running away!
02:08:51.000 Watch the six, seven, eight on Mike Tyson here.
02:08:53.000 There's five.
02:08:55.000 Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
02:09:00.000 Yeah, that guy's way quicker.
02:09:02.000 Is that the same guy?
02:09:03.000 Yeah.
02:09:03.000 Oh, that's ridiculous.
02:09:05.000 Dude, you suck at counting.
02:09:09.000 He was counting in Spanish on the other one.
02:09:11.000 Uno, dos, tres.
02:09:12.000 That's a fucking crazy hard job, man.
02:09:13.000 You're in the middle of the moment.
02:09:15.000 There's all this hype going on.
02:09:17.000 You didn't pay the lease.
02:09:18.000 You're freaking the fuck out.
02:09:18.000 Yeah.
02:09:19.000 But it's the same guy because it's the same fight.
02:09:22.000 So how does the same guy count real slow for Buster Douglas and way faster for Mike Tyson?
02:09:31.000 The description of the video says this clearly demonstrates that he gave them both the exact same amount of time.
02:09:36.000 Oh?
02:09:36.000 Really?
02:09:37.000 That's not what we saw.
02:09:38.000 Let's try that again.
02:09:39.000 Let's try that again.
02:09:40.000 Let's count for Tyson.
02:09:43.000 We'll count for Tyson first.
02:09:45.000 Ready?
02:09:45.000 Tyson goes down.
02:09:46.000 Boom.
02:09:46.000 What a combination, Buster Douglasson.
02:09:48.000 Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen.
02:10:01.000 He got knocked down right around fifty on the clock on the screen.
02:10:04.000 You can see it.
02:10:05.000 And how many seconds was it?
02:10:08.000 Picked him up at 38 is when he knocks.
02:10:10.000 Boom, right there.
02:10:12.000 It's like 13 seconds.
02:10:14.000 Yeah.
02:10:15.000 Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.
02:10:22.000 They're both out.
02:10:23.000 Yeah.
02:10:24.000 They're both out.
02:10:26.000 The counting is definitely slower on Buster Douglas, but they're definitely both out.
02:10:33.000 But either way, if you said seven, I bet instead of four, if you've sped the count up by a second, you don't think Buster Douglas could have gotten up quicker?
02:10:43.000 I bet he could have.
02:10:44.000 I mean, he was waiting for the guy to hit eight, so he stands up, right?
02:10:48.000 Which is what you do.
02:10:49.000 You take as much time as you can, especially after you got legitimately hurt like that.
02:10:52.000 You're supposed to do that.
02:10:54.000 So, the question is, like, would he have been able to if the guy had counted a little quicker and, you know, eight came where seven was or six was?
02:11:03.000 Would he have been able to?
02:11:03.000 I think he probably would have.
02:11:05.000 The question is, would Tyson have been able to get to him with one punch before the bell?
02:11:09.000 That might have knocked him out.
02:11:10.000 Yeah.
02:11:11.000 Okay, fight.
02:11:12.000 You get him back up again, and it's three extra seconds.
02:11:15.000 Tyson storms forward and connects with a punch.
02:11:17.000 Tyson gets two head shots to the face, though.
02:11:19.000 Dude, crazy shots.
02:11:20.000 There's this guy right here.
02:11:21.000 Watch his white glove.
02:11:22.000 Is he the official count, or is the referee the official count?
02:11:25.000 This guy?
02:11:26.000 That's the finger, bro.
02:11:27.000 That's what his name is.
02:11:28.000 His nickname is the finger.
02:11:29.000 He counts way faster.
02:11:30.000 Watch him.
02:11:31.000 Let's watch the finger.
02:11:32.000 Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
02:11:42.000 Oh yeah, by the fingers count.
02:11:44.000 That dude's out.
02:11:45.000 They're both out cold.
02:11:46.000 I'm going with the finger forever.
02:11:48.000 Captain White Glove.
02:11:50.000 Michael Jackson, they're counting.
02:11:51.000 Michael Jackson.
02:11:52.000 That's who it is.
02:11:53.000 We'll go with Mike.
02:11:54.000 Magician.
02:11:56.000 Yeah, man.
02:11:57.000 That was an insane fight, though, because you couldn't believe Mike Tyson could lose.
02:12:01.000 Even when I watched it, I remember I heard about it first and then I watched it.
02:12:04.000 And I still remember thinking, I can't believe what I'm watching.
02:12:07.000 He's gonna get up and he's gonna knock this dude out, for sure.
02:12:10.000 I couldn't believe he lost.
02:12:11.000 It was like, it's over then.
02:12:12.000 You couldn't believe that he could lose.
02:12:15.000 People don't understand today.
02:12:16.000 There's never been someone that was as dominant For a scary moment in boxing history than Mike Tyson.
02:12:25.000 Because even though you knew Roy Jones was going to fuck up whoever he fought, the way he was going to fuck up, even if he knocked him out with one punch, it wasn't going to be this horrific storming By a destroyer, just coming after your soul.
02:12:39.000 Roy Jones would box your face off, hit you with lead left hooks and straight right hands that are way faster than anything you can duck.
02:12:47.000 He would fuck people up, but he would fuck people up with a certain style and movement and speed, whereas Tyson would just...
02:12:53.000 Hashten was like hitting you, like mugging you at the same time, man.
02:12:56.000 It's like all anger.
02:12:58.000 So fast.
02:12:58.000 All the hood in you.
02:13:00.000 Solid, like sledgehammer.
02:13:02.000 220 pounds, but moved like a 160 pound guy.
02:13:05.000 Like you couldn't believe it at the time.
02:13:08.000 There had never been a heavyweight like him before.
02:13:10.000 There was heavyweights that moved amazing like Ali.
02:13:13.000 Ali had the most amazing footwork of anybody.
02:13:15.000 Just smooth and flowing and changed what the game was.
02:13:19.000 It was in front of people.
02:13:20.000 The ropey dope.
02:13:22.000 There's a crazy video of Ali that someone had on their Instagram page, one of those boxing pages, where he's fighting someone and the guy throws two, three, four punches in a row and Ali's got his hands down, And just barely moving his head away with each punch.
02:13:37.000 Just like, bitch, you can't hit me.
02:13:39.000 There was a magic about what he was doing that you were like, how is a heavyweight moving like that?
02:13:46.000 He had a fast jab, too.
02:13:48.000 Tyson was a totally different kind of strategy.
02:13:50.000 Those strategies will be argued to the end of time.
02:13:53.000 Like, what would have happened if Mike Tyson had fought Muhammad Ali, both in their primes?
02:13:58.000 What would have happened?
02:14:00.000 Man, what would have happened?
02:14:01.000 It would have been fucking crazy, I'll tell you that.
02:14:04.000 If we had Mike Tyson in his very best, before shit went completely crazy and he started giving out Rolls Royces to cops and walking around with his tiger in his underwear, before all that stuff...
02:14:14.000 Before biting ears?
02:14:16.000 Yeah, for sure, before biting ears.
02:14:18.000 The biting ears thing was when, you know, Evander was, you know...
02:14:23.000 When Evander beat him in that first fight, no one could believe it.
02:14:26.000 No one could believe it.
02:14:27.000 Even though Tyson had lost to Buster Douglas, everybody assumed that Tyson lost because he hadn't been training and he really hadn't been focused.
02:14:34.000 And then when he went to jail, he came out of jail and he looked jacked.
02:14:38.000 Remember?
02:14:38.000 He looked way more jacked.
02:14:40.000 He had a ridiculous six-pack.
02:14:42.000 Remember that shit?
02:14:43.000 Tattoo on his face.
02:14:44.000 Son.
02:14:44.000 No, he got the tattoo on his face afterwards, right?
02:14:46.000 Yeah.
02:14:47.000 After jail.
02:14:49.000 I think he got the tattoo on his face.
02:14:51.000 In jail, right?
02:14:52.000 I don't think so.
02:14:53.000 I think he had Mal tattooed on his arm.
02:14:57.000 What does it say here?
02:14:58.000 Mike Tyson opens up.
02:15:00.000 Oh, that was when he got arrested by that Joe Arpaio guy.
02:15:04.000 He had to do time in that Arizona.
02:15:07.000 He was living in Arizona for a while and he had to do that Joe Arpaio shit where they make you wear pink.
02:15:12.000 You get pink handcuffs on.
02:15:16.000 Dude.
02:15:17.000 Mike Tyson, though, when he was in his prime, like, that was when he just got out of jail.
02:15:21.000 That was the Mike Tyson fresh out of jail, like, just jacked!
02:15:26.000 That was 95, first fight after release.
02:15:29.000 That was against some unfortunate white fella that looks like he would be, uh, what was his name?
02:15:35.000 Peter McNeely?
02:15:36.000 Yes.
02:15:37.000 Peter McNeely, tough guy, just wasn't ready for that.
02:15:41.000 The video of him talking to hype up the fight is hilarious if you go watch it now.
02:15:45.000 No, he's hilarious.
02:15:46.000 He was like a guy who'd be carrying the money bag.
02:15:50.000 He'd be a guy that you'd say, bring him to Peter, and Peter would break your face.
02:15:54.000 Hey, you owe money, you fuck.
02:15:56.000 Boom!
02:15:58.000 He was a bold guy.
02:16:01.000 Give me some volume.
02:16:03.000 Jim Gray looking young and dapper.
02:16:05.000 Look at him.
02:16:09.000 This is fire.
02:16:11.000 My grandfathers.
02:16:14.000 My grandmothers.
02:16:16.000 My father.
02:16:18.000 My mother.
02:16:20.000 Curly!
02:16:23.000 My three brothers.
02:16:26.000 Last but not least...
02:16:28.000 Snubby.
02:16:30.000 Snubby.
02:16:32.000 Left hand for Snubby.
02:16:33.000 Mr. McNeely, what was it that you have told your son?
02:16:36.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
02:16:37.000 And last but not least, Medfield!
02:16:41.000 Medfield, Massachusetts in the house.
02:16:43.000 That is a guy from Medfield.
02:16:46.000 That is a guy from Medfield.
02:16:48.000 If you've ever been to Medfield, Massachusetts, no disrespect.
02:16:51.000 That makes sense.
02:16:53.000 Fucking Madfield!
02:16:55.000 Fucking Lovo!
02:16:57.000 Revere's in the house!
02:16:58.000 Dorchester!
02:17:00.000 That's hilarious.
02:17:02.000 Lowell.
02:17:03.000 Tough.
02:17:03.000 Yeah, Lowell.
02:17:04.000 Lowell's a big one, man.
02:17:05.000 Lowell's hardcore.
02:17:06.000 Mickey Ward came from Lowell.
02:17:08.000 Me and my friend Jimmy Lawless, we saw Mickey Ward box somebody.
02:17:12.000 Some famous dude.
02:17:13.000 I feel like he boxed some old-time dude.
02:17:17.000 Damn it, Jimmy just told me about this recently too, and I forgot what it was.
02:17:20.000 But we were both like...
02:17:22.000 Couldn't have been more than like 19. Something like that.
02:17:25.000 We went to see Mickey Ward box...
02:17:28.000 It was crazy, man.
02:17:29.000 Going to see live boxing is so weird because there's no commentary.
02:17:33.000 Like, I'd only seen it at home.
02:17:34.000 Yeah.
02:17:34.000 Like, you ever see a live boxing match?
02:17:36.000 Yes.
02:17:37.000 It's weird.
02:17:38.000 It's oddly quiet, you know?
02:17:40.000 What does it say?
02:17:42.000 Greg Young?
02:17:44.000 Is that where he fought?
02:17:45.000 In 95?
02:17:46.000 85. Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
02:17:49.000 That's probably exactly it.
02:17:50.000 That means I was 18. Yeah.
02:17:52.000 Skating rink.
02:17:53.000 Yep.
02:17:55.000 Yeah.
02:17:56.000 Lawrence, Massachusetts, he fought...
02:17:58.000 I guess it was this guy, Greg Young.
02:18:00.000 Why did I think it was an older guy?
02:18:02.000 There's a couple more right here, I guess, in the same spot the next year.
02:18:05.000 Oh, okay.
02:18:06.000 John Refuse.
02:18:07.000 Yeah.
02:18:08.000 I don't remember any of those names, unfortunately.
02:18:11.000 I erased all that.
02:18:12.000 Edwin Caret?
02:18:13.000 Hold on.
02:18:13.000 When did he fight Edwin Caret?
02:18:14.000 Go back up.
02:18:17.000 That was in Atlantic City.
02:18:18.000 Edwin Caret is like an old-school, tough dude.
02:18:22.000 Yeah, he lost to Caret.
02:18:23.000 Caret was a beast.
02:18:25.000 Mickey Ward, man.
02:18:26.000 Those fights with Turo Gatti, those are some of the all-time most exciting and barbaric boxing matches ever.
02:18:33.000 When two dudes are just that close to each other, like that close skill-wise, like when they go at it, just back and forth and back and forth and nobody quits.
02:18:42.000 Those fights were insane, man.
02:18:44.000 My dad, he loved boxing.
02:18:46.000 He used to always go boxing, to watch Mexican boxing at the forum.
02:18:51.000 Every Tuesday night, there used to be these crazy Mexican boxers, but they were all featherweight, lightweight.
02:18:57.000 There was a guy named Ruben Olivares.
02:19:01.000 He was lightweight.
02:19:02.000 There was Pepino Cuevas.
02:19:04.000 Yeah.
02:19:05.000 Vicious left hook.
02:19:06.000 And there's this Cuban guy who was real awesome.
02:19:10.000 Napoles.
02:19:11.000 Mantequilla Napoles.
02:19:12.000 Mantequilla Napoles.
02:19:14.000 Wasn't Pepino Cuevas the guy that fought?
02:19:16.000 Pepino Cuevas from Mexico.
02:19:17.000 He fought Hearns, right?
02:19:18.000 Yeah, Hitman fucked him up.
02:19:20.000 Hitman fucked him up with that straight right hand.
02:19:21.000 He was on his way too, man.
02:19:23.000 Yeah.
02:19:24.000 My friend does boxing now with Beto Duran.
02:19:27.000 He does the boxing now for Golden Boy.
02:19:30.000 No shit, man.
02:19:31.000 What does he do?
02:19:32.000 What does he do for them?
02:19:33.000 My friend announces the fights.
02:19:35.000 Oh.
02:19:36.000 Because they have boxing every once in a while in downtown LA at some regular hotel, at a club, and they have young boxers.
02:19:43.000 Wow.
02:19:44.000 And he sees ringside and he commented, a lot of young incoming boxers.
02:19:48.000 No shit, man.
02:19:51.000 Yeah.
02:19:52.000 Man, that's a crazy gig.
02:19:55.000 So is he traveling around with that too?
02:19:57.000 Is he going to all these international shows?
02:19:59.000 I think he does the local ones.
02:20:00.000 He does local ones like when they fight over there at Santa Fe Spring Casino or Morongo, those type of fights.
02:20:06.000 There's a good time right now for boxing.
02:20:07.000 Oh yeah, man.
02:20:07.000 There's a lot of very, very exciting matchups.
02:20:10.000 A lot of people.
02:20:11.000 Canelo and Triple G. Woo!
02:20:13.000 I can't wait for that rematch.
02:20:14.000 Me too, man.
02:20:16.000 I'm performing the day before of that show.
02:20:20.000 Are you really?
02:20:20.000 Where?
02:20:21.000 I'm going to be at the Hard Rock Cafe the day before the fight on a Friday.
02:20:25.000 Fuck!
02:20:26.000 Get there early, people.
02:20:27.000 Road trip.
02:20:27.000 Road trip.
02:20:28.000 Road trip.
02:20:29.000 I'll meet you at the weigh-in.
02:20:30.000 That is going to be an intense fight, man.
02:20:32.000 That first fight was intense.
02:20:34.000 I thought Triple G won.
02:20:35.000 I just hope nothing happens between now and the fight, you know, that might cause some bullshit.
02:20:39.000 Oh, don't get injured.
02:20:39.000 Don't get injured.
02:20:40.000 Please don't get injured.
02:20:41.000 Nobody get injured.
02:20:41.000 Nobody test positive.
02:20:42.000 Nobody hit the wall when you're upset.
02:20:44.000 Nobody hit the wall.
02:20:45.000 Nobody drive crazy.
02:20:46.000 Don't do anything stupid.
02:20:47.000 Jesus Christ.
02:20:49.000 You're dealing with, like, two prime-time crushers.
02:20:52.000 What day is that?
02:20:53.000 November or November 3rd, I think.
02:20:57.000 I like watching shit at home, man.
02:20:58.000 I don't want to go there.
02:20:59.000 Too many humans.
02:21:01.000 You know?
02:21:01.000 Everyone's jammed in.
02:21:02.000 I have to do that so many times for the UFC. You know, when I'm not working for the UFC, I like to be home watching shit.
02:21:08.000 Do you watch it with your friends or alone, chilling?
02:21:10.000 Depends.
02:21:11.000 Sometimes I just want to watch it by myself.
02:21:13.000 But a lot of times, the only time I'm watching fights by myself if it's a UFC fight and I'm not commentating it is because we don't have a fight companion.
02:21:22.000 We do these fight companions.
02:21:24.000 If we're home, Callan's home and Schaub and Eddie Bravo are all home while a UFC is on the road somewhere, we'll watch it in here and we'll play it and we'll talk shit while the fights are going on.
02:21:34.000 That's only fun, man.
02:21:36.000 It's the most fun thing of all time.
02:21:37.000 Of all time.
02:21:39.000 Eddie Bravo's always busting out some ridiculous conspiracies and crazy jujitsu talk and then it might go to music.
02:21:45.000 We might just start talking about music for an entire fight and not even pay attention to the fight.
02:21:49.000 It's a fun gig, man.
02:21:51.000 It's like we're such good friends.
02:21:53.000 We've known each other for so long that when we get together and fuck around like this, it's just really fun.
02:21:58.000 Eddie Bravo, he's the one that put Shamrock in a hold, right?
02:22:00.000 No, Gracie.
02:22:01.000 Gracie, yeah.
02:22:02.000 I'm sorry, yeah.
02:22:03.000 And right now I'm wearing his dad.
02:22:05.000 Yeah.
02:22:05.000 Respect.
02:22:06.000 Elio Gracie.
02:22:07.000 If it wasn't for this dude, man.
02:22:09.000 He's one of the most important people in the history of martial arts right here.
02:22:13.000 This gentleman.
02:22:14.000 You know, that family.
02:22:15.000 Woo!
02:22:16.000 That's a crazy contributing family to the history of martial arts.
02:22:20.000 For sure the number one family in the history of jiu-jitsu.
02:22:24.000 I mean, by far.
02:22:25.000 And arguably the number one family in the history of all martial arts.
02:22:29.000 I mean, that's a debate that people will have to the end of time.
02:22:31.000 But that is a pretty strong candidate for the number one most influential family in the history of martial arts.
02:22:38.000 Woo!
02:22:39.000 Woo!
02:22:40.000 How do you get started with that?
02:22:42.000 I'll get you started.
02:22:43.000 You tell me you want to go.
02:22:44.000 You tell me when.
02:22:45.000 You tell me where.
02:22:46.000 I'll hook it up for you.
02:22:47.000 We'll figure out where you live.
02:22:49.000 Don't talk about where you live on the show because people show up.
02:22:51.000 Yeah, I see Joey training every once in a while on the road.
02:22:53.000 Joey trains like a motherfucker, dude.
02:22:55.000 Joey trains all the time.
02:22:56.000 He'll train three, four days a week.
02:22:57.000 He just got a blue belt, right?
02:22:58.000 Yep, yep.
02:22:59.000 I just got my blue belt, cocksucker.
02:23:00.000 Legit.
02:23:01.000 Ha!
02:23:01.000 Look!
02:23:02.000 And here's what you have to realize.
02:23:04.000 If Joey Diaz gets on top of you, you're not getting up, okay?
02:23:07.000 You better accept that.
02:23:08.000 He's strong, man.
02:23:09.000 Joey's not just heavy.
02:23:10.000 He's a strong guy.
02:23:12.000 His hands, man, they're like backcatchers mitts.
02:23:15.000 He's a gorilla.
02:23:16.000 He's a big old gorilla.
02:23:18.000 When I met Joey, Joey was only like 220 pounds.
02:23:21.000 He was like a football player.
02:23:22.000 There's an old school photo of him.
02:23:24.000 I met him in like...
02:23:27.000 Somewhere in the late 90s, he was built just like an enforcer, like a big brutish guy.
02:23:34.000 He didn't get that fat at all.
02:23:37.000 But when he got that fat was also when he got that funny.
02:23:40.000 It's crazy.
02:23:41.000 He just didn't give a fuck anymore with anything, with food, with anything, with partying.
02:23:46.000 He became just a monster.
02:23:48.000 It's so funny.
02:23:49.000 I remember the first time I saw him was at the Laugh Factory.
02:23:52.000 It was late 90s.
02:23:53.000 Big dude.
02:23:54.000 Cuban.
02:23:55.000 Cubano.
02:23:56.000 And he had this crazy bitch that's Joey Karate.
02:24:00.000 Joey Karate.
02:24:01.000 We gotta get him to revise Joey Karate.
02:24:04.000 That is for sure.
02:24:05.000 Hey, fuck off.
02:24:07.000 Hey, fuck off.
02:24:09.000 That is for sure my all-time favorite character.
02:24:12.000 I remember he had this, and then he had Man by the Dumpster.
02:24:17.000 Yes!
02:24:18.000 Joey Karate, though, is the best.
02:24:19.000 Fuck, though, it's Joey Karate today, you understand me?
02:24:22.000 And you're here for the UFC Minute.
02:24:24.000 A lot of people see me in the medical marijuana reports.
02:24:26.000 A lot of people see me in the sports reports.
02:24:29.000 But nobody really knows I'm a trained fucking assassin.
02:24:32.000 A Cuban black belt.
02:24:34.000 I lost my rank on the fucking boat ride over.
02:24:37.000 They knocked me down on a green belt.
02:24:38.000 I lost my rank.
02:24:39.000 But I'm fighting to get it back.
02:24:40.000 You understand?
02:24:41.000 I take my shit back from the fucking jungles in China.
02:24:44.000 Hong Kong.
02:24:46.000 Bolivia.
02:24:47.000 That's where I train with fucking savages.
02:24:49.000 Not these little fucking guys flying through the air.
02:24:51.000 But you're lucky you caught me today.
02:24:53.000 Because Joey Karate is going to give you a lock for UFC. And it's all about fucking Brazil this weekend.
02:24:58.000 You understand me?
02:24:59.000 My man.
02:25:00.000 Anderson Silva is going to fuck people up this weekend.
02:25:03.000 You understand me?
02:25:03.000 He went through Kiss Levin.
02:25:05.000 He went through Forrest Whitaker.
02:25:07.000 Forrest Griffin.
02:25:09.000 Let me show you what this motherfucker has.
02:25:11.000 First off, that's some Muay Thai shit.
02:25:14.000 You understand when I studied Muay Thai?
02:25:16.000 Not really a Thai restaurant on fucking Gawa there.
02:25:19.000 So he's gonna get him in a clench, couple knees to the fucking head.
02:25:22.000 Then he's gonna kick him with a sidekick.
02:25:24.000 Then he's gonna jujitu him into some fucking samurai or some arm bar or some fucking...
02:25:29.000 And he's gonna fucking choke him up.
02:25:32.000 It's that simple.
02:25:33.000 That's Anderson Silva.
02:25:34.000 You understand what he does as traditional?
02:25:38.000 And that's it, baby.
02:25:39.000 Don't forget, UFC. Catch me next week with all my other things.
02:25:43.000 You understand me?
02:25:44.000 Next week, we're going to cover stretching and flying through the fucking air with Joey Karate.
02:25:49.000 Thank you for watching.
02:25:51.000 Perfect music, too.
02:25:53.000 Whoever did the music nailed it.
02:25:54.000 It left a lot of weight.
02:25:56.000 From now?
02:25:56.000 From then to now?
02:25:57.000 Yeah.
02:25:57.000 Oh, yeah, man.
02:25:58.000 A lot of weight.
02:25:59.000 Is he a spokesperson for Weight Watchers?
02:26:02.000 Is that what he's doing?
02:26:03.000 I don't know.
02:26:03.000 Is he really?
02:26:04.000 I think he is.
02:26:05.000 I think he's doing something for Weight Watchers.
02:26:07.000 Joey is?
02:26:08.000 Yeah, Joey is.
02:26:09.000 He likes Weight Watchers.
02:26:10.000 That's how he lost all his weight when he lost it the first time.
02:26:13.000 And then he's losing it this time.
02:26:14.000 He's using it that way, too.
02:26:15.000 He said they're catching up, man.
02:26:17.000 They've got good science behind their food.
02:26:19.000 But even they, dude, they say you could have as many eggs as you want.
02:26:23.000 You could have eggs.
02:26:25.000 Eggs ain't bad for you, bro.
02:26:26.000 Joey's so funny, remember?
02:26:27.000 He said, I went to go do a show in Tijuana, and the hotel room had a bed.
02:26:35.000 You put a quarter in, and a finger jumps up, and it goes in your ass.
02:26:40.000 I went there last week.
02:26:42.000 I went to do a show two years ago, though.
02:26:43.000 The whole place is run down, man.
02:26:45.000 The machine's broken.
02:26:45.000 You gotta put your own finger.
02:26:52.000 He's in the ha-has.
02:26:54.000 How long have you been doing stand-up now?
02:26:56.000 20 years.
02:26:57.000 I started in 1996, late 95. I started at the Natural Fudge Cafe on Melrose.
02:27:07.000 You won last Comic Standing, right?
02:27:10.000 I won last Comic Standing.
02:27:11.000 How many people won that?
02:27:12.000 How many different seasons did they have of that?
02:27:15.000 I won season 7. I think they're in 10 now.
02:27:18.000 You know, it's funny, Joe, when I won, my son's mom filed for child support the next day.
02:27:24.000 And she just took half.
02:27:26.000 She became the last baby mama standing.
02:27:30.000 Straight up, dog.
02:27:31.000 Fuck it, bitch.
02:27:34.000 I had kids when I was in high school, and they were paying for child support.
02:27:39.000 Oh, well, I can see your point.
02:27:42.000 We broke even, you know?
02:27:43.000 Yeah.
02:27:44.000 You definitely owed some money though, right?
02:27:45.000 Yeah.
02:27:48.000 You know what's crazy?
02:27:50.000 When we were on Last Common Standing, they do like a background check of everybody.
02:27:55.000 Yeah.
02:27:56.000 And I noticed when like some people were like slowly disappearing, you know, from the Last Common Standing.
02:28:02.000 Because of background checks?
02:28:03.000 Because of criminal records.
02:28:04.000 Yeah.
02:28:04.000 Some people were taken out of the photo.
02:28:06.000 Like they were put in positions that you wouldn't take the photos.
02:28:10.000 My brother...
02:28:12.000 He committed a lot of crimes, and I didn't know it then, he stole my identity.
02:28:17.000 Oh no!
02:28:18.000 This NBC investigator comes up to me, hey man, I see I got two files on you, two open cases on you.
02:28:25.000 One of them for possessions of crack cocaine, possessions of sale, failure to go to court.
02:28:31.000 This is your brother that's also gay?
02:28:33.000 No, there's another brother who's not gay.
02:28:35.000 He's a criminal.
02:28:36.000 He's the one that comes out of prison worse.
02:28:40.000 Oh, that one.
02:28:41.000 Okay.
02:28:42.000 My brother, he's like the ultimate criminal.
02:28:44.000 He's not on Facebook.
02:28:46.000 He's not on no social media.
02:28:47.000 I can't find him anywhere.
02:28:49.000 There's no photo of him anywhere.
02:28:51.000 So I had to track down his daughter on Facebook and say, man, is there a picture of you and your dad somewhere?
02:28:59.000 And she sends me the photo of my brother, and then they do the comparisons of me and him, and they let me go.
02:29:05.000 That's hilarious.
02:29:06.000 That is hilarious.
02:29:08.000 So they have photos of him committing crimes?
02:29:10.000 Like security camera photos?
02:29:11.000 Yeah, they'll photo him in court when he got arrested.
02:29:14.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
02:29:14.000 Claiming he was Felipe Esparza.
02:29:16.000 Oh, no.
02:29:16.000 So my brother knows my birth certificate.
02:29:19.000 He knows my birth date.
02:29:20.000 He knows my name.
02:29:21.000 Oh, no.
02:29:24.000 What an asshole.
02:29:26.000 Piece of shit, bro.
02:29:27.000 My other brother, the gay one...
02:29:30.000 It's so rude to sell your own brother out like that.
02:29:33.000 He's a piece of shit.
02:29:33.000 My other brother, the gay one, he got pulled over for a traffic violation.
02:29:38.000 Did he use your name too?
02:29:39.000 My brother used his name and they put him in a prison in Arizona for illegal immigrants.
02:29:47.000 Oh, so your brother used both of your names?
02:29:48.000 Yes.
02:29:49.000 Oh my god.
02:29:50.000 So my gay brother Fernando was on his way to prison in Arizona for a crime he didn't commit.
02:29:56.000 Oh no.
02:29:57.000 Luckily for him, when he was locked up, a guy that was with me in rehab knew me and my brother and him were friends and he had my brothers back in prison.
02:30:09.000 Jesus Christ.
02:30:10.000 Could you imagine going to jail because your brother's a piece of shit and he used your name to commit crimes?
02:30:15.000 How fucking mad you would be?
02:30:17.000 Stole my identity.
02:30:18.000 Could you imagine just sitting there in prison knowing that this motherfucker risked your freedom just so that he could get out?
02:30:25.000 He's like, fuck him.
02:30:26.000 Fuck him.
02:30:26.000 You don't call me anymore.
02:30:27.000 I'm gonna use his fucking social security number.
02:30:30.000 I know his name.
02:30:31.000 I know his birth date.
02:30:32.000 I know how tall he is.
02:30:34.000 That's so crazy.
02:30:35.000 What a psycho.
02:30:37.000 Damn, man.
02:30:38.000 You can't pick your family.
02:30:39.000 That's a real problem.
02:30:40.000 That's a real problem for some folks, right?
02:30:42.000 You can't pick your family, man.
02:30:44.000 Like, anybody who thinks that there's a, hey, you fucking get what you deserve in this world.
02:30:48.000 Bullshit.
02:30:49.000 Little babies are born into fucked up families.
02:30:52.000 You know?
02:30:52.000 Sometimes your brother is a piece of shit.
02:30:54.000 He's a piece of shit before you're even born.
02:30:57.000 You didn't even know.
02:30:58.000 And you're born later, and he's just ready to dominate you and be a fucking asshole to you, and you're like, what?
02:31:04.000 You know, that's what happened with Genghis Khan.
02:31:06.000 Genghis Khan became Genghis Khan later in his life.
02:31:10.000 But when he was younger, he killed his brother.
02:31:12.000 Because his brother was stealing fish.
02:31:14.000 They would go fishing.
02:31:15.000 His brother would take his fish.
02:31:16.000 He was like, oh, for real?
02:31:17.000 So he got together with his other brother, and they fucking ambushed their older brother and killed him with a bow and arrow.
02:31:24.000 Killed his brother.
02:31:25.000 What did Dad say?
02:31:26.000 Mom was really pissed.
02:31:28.000 Look, he shouldn't have let my brother steal my fish.
02:31:32.000 Fucking...
02:31:33.000 Lock key parent, you know?
02:31:36.000 Latch key, what is it?
02:31:38.000 Imagine that, man?
02:31:39.000 Killing your brother with a bow and arrow?
02:31:42.000 Woo!
02:31:42.000 Life was cheap back then.
02:31:44.000 Or choking him to death.
02:31:45.000 Oof!
02:31:46.000 Jesus Christ.
02:31:49.000 Or choking him to death because the mob or whatever you're associated with, your brother got to go.
02:31:54.000 So you don't know where your brother is now?
02:31:56.000 My brother's probably somewhere running around in Mexico.
02:32:00.000 Living in TJ, Tijuana.
02:32:02.000 You think so?
02:32:02.000 Yeah.
02:32:04.000 Does he ever come back?
02:32:05.000 No, no, no.
02:32:06.000 He's living over there.
02:32:07.000 He works at some pick-apart area over there.
02:32:11.000 Pick a part?
02:32:12.000 Yeah, like a pick a part.
02:32:13.000 You go there for parts for your car.
02:32:15.000 Oh, so it's stolen car parts.
02:32:17.000 No, it's a legal place.
02:32:18.000 You go in there, you tell my brother, I'm looking for a door for a 79 Toyota.
02:32:23.000 And my brother goes, yeah, you're going to go over there?
02:32:25.000 Yeah, junkyards.
02:32:25.000 Junkyard.
02:32:26.000 Yeah.
02:32:27.000 Yeah, man, I know dudes who built cars.
02:32:29.000 They would go to the junkyard.
02:32:31.000 It's like, ah, I got to get this fender.
02:32:32.000 I got to get a good fender for a 70 Chevelle.
02:32:35.000 They go and look, and that's kind of fun.
02:32:37.000 You know?
02:32:38.000 If I had 100 lives, One of the things I would do is build cars.
02:32:42.000 I think that would be the coolest shit in the world.
02:32:44.000 You know, I envy the fuck out of people who have done that.
02:32:47.000 Or have the time.
02:32:48.000 Yeah, that's the thing is the time.
02:32:49.000 But people who have learned how to do it and get a frame and figure out how to get the frame all sandblasted and powder coated and then, you know, figure out how to put the suspension on and fenders and like to really take a car apart and restore it and restore it and have it look beautiful and then drive around in it.
02:33:08.000 You see those guys that do that and you go, wow.
02:33:10.000 That's an admirable quality.
02:33:13.000 That's like something very few men would ever do, but every man admires a man who could do it.
02:33:18.000 Like, oh, me and my brother, we restored this 1969 Camaro.
02:33:22.000 I remember, I read that Matt Hughes did that.
02:33:25.000 Matt Hughes, who was also, at the time, UFC welterweight world champion, also restored classic cars.
02:33:33.000 I was like, that's a man.
02:33:35.000 You know, that's a fucking man.
02:33:37.000 Like, if you take a...
02:33:38.000 You could rebuild a car.
02:33:41.000 And then get it to the point where you're like...
02:33:43.000 You did that?
02:33:46.000 That's some manly activity right there, man.
02:33:48.000 Brought it back to life.
02:33:50.000 That's one of the most manly things you can do.
02:33:53.000 Rebuild a car.
02:33:54.000 Guys who work on their own cars, that's a rare breed, son.
02:33:57.000 My dad always worked on his car, man.
02:33:59.000 He never went to no mechanic.
02:34:00.000 Yeah?
02:34:01.000 He'd be out there changing the Sparks Plus out of the 73 Impala by himself in the rain.
02:34:08.000 Dude.
02:34:11.000 Changing, he'd be out there in the parking lot, man, like renting his own stuff to take the motor out of the car and put a new motor in and put it all in.
02:34:20.000 Different kind of man.
02:34:21.000 And my dad never, like most dads would invite you, hey Felipe, come here and help me out.
02:34:27.000 My dad never wanted no help.
02:34:29.000 The first time I tried to help, you know what, go play with your fucking toys.
02:34:33.000 You just passed me the wrong wrench, asshole.
02:34:35.000 Oh.
02:34:36.000 Judgmental, daddy.
02:34:37.000 Thing is, too, they get locked into that.
02:34:39.000 They don't want you distracting them.
02:34:40.000 That's the way they're escaping.
02:34:42.000 They're escaping by working on this car, wrenching things down, changing carburetors and shit.
02:34:50.000 Those guys who could do that, that's a special type of guy.
02:34:55.000 There's a special mechanic, man.
02:34:57.000 You know a guy could do it.
02:35:00.000 It's weird when you invite those guys to a get-together.
02:35:04.000 They always look dirty.
02:35:05.000 They never get clean.
02:35:07.000 Even if you invite your cool mechanic from the neighborhood to a party and you're wearing a tux, you'd be like, damn, there goes Jones.
02:35:14.000 He still looks dirty.
02:35:15.000 Oh, he's got crazy fingernail dirt.
02:35:18.000 Grease under the fingernails.
02:35:20.000 It just never comes out.
02:35:21.000 You don't recognize him standing up?
02:35:23.000 Hey, here's a question.
02:35:24.000 Cooter.
02:35:28.000 How many people get sick from working in gas stations?
02:35:31.000 I would think that working in a gas station, all those fumes, Like, that shit's gotta be terrible for you.
02:35:38.000 Fumes and then all the grease and oil and, you know, breathing.
02:35:42.000 Smashing your finger on stuff.
02:35:44.000 Oh, that's the worst, man.
02:35:46.000 That's the worst.
02:35:46.000 Guys are always smashing their fingers and losing tips of fingers.
02:35:49.000 Taping them.
02:35:50.000 Fuck, man.
02:35:51.000 When I was a kid, there used to be a guy, they used to fix, you know, there's always a guy in the neighborhood that don't know how to fix everybody's car.
02:35:59.000 Right, right, right.
02:35:59.000 And there was this guy named Eli.
02:36:02.000 And they're a big family.
02:36:04.000 There were like nine or ten people in their family.
02:36:07.000 But this guy will fix your car, but he also likes to party.
02:36:12.000 Like, he used to party hard, Joe.
02:36:15.000 Like Beastie Boys style?
02:36:16.000 But he was a Volkswagen genius.
02:36:18.000 Oh, one of those guys.
02:36:19.000 He knew how to fix bugs, man.
02:36:21.000 Bugs were his thing, but he also was a mean drug addict.
02:36:25.000 My friend Junie, he was getting his bug fixed from him.
02:36:29.000 He had a rag top, was an oval bag, a beautiful bug.
02:36:33.000 This guy, Eli, man, smokes PCP. Oh no.
02:36:37.000 And he just, remember him holding the wrenches and staring at the bug for like three hours straight, not doing shit.
02:36:43.000 Wow.
02:36:45.000 Volkswagen's a different kind of car, man.
02:36:47.000 Like a bug, you drive a bug, that's a different kind of human.
02:36:50.000 You gotta be a bug guy to know how to fix a bug.
02:36:52.000 Yeah.
02:36:53.000 My friend Jimmy, that same friend that I went to the boxing match to see Mickey Ward fight, he also had a bug.
02:36:59.000 He had a blue bug.
02:37:01.000 It was the most ridiculous car.
02:37:02.000 I remember being in it, like, we were laughing how silly it was.
02:37:06.000 Because it was so...
02:37:07.000 You love cars, right?
02:37:08.000 Oh, love cars.
02:37:09.000 I remember you and Eddie Griffin in the same car.
02:37:14.000 NSX. His was dented, yours was clean.
02:37:17.000 Well, his was automatic.
02:37:18.000 Yours was cool, man.
02:37:19.000 You would come in there, man, like the fucking, like the cleaner and shit.
02:37:23.000 Like Harvey Keitel.
02:37:25.000 And I was like, you know what?
02:37:26.000 I meant to get me one of those one day.
02:37:28.000 That car's a dope car.
02:37:30.000 It wasn't the fastest car.
02:37:31.000 It just looked cool.
02:37:32.000 Well, here's the thing about those cars, man.
02:37:35.000 They were really well balanced.
02:37:36.000 Like, it was a good amount of power for the size of it.
02:37:39.000 It was a very light car.
02:37:41.000 I want to say the Acura NSX wasn't even 3,000 pounds.
02:37:46.000 That was it.
02:37:47.000 I had a silver one.
02:37:48.000 It was like a Ferrari.
02:37:49.000 Somebody bought mine.
02:37:50.000 It was black or gray, right?
02:37:52.000 No, I had two silver ones.
02:37:53.000 You were at the Wolf.
02:37:54.000 I had a silver one in the late 90s, and then I had a silver one in the early 2000s.
02:38:00.000 That's it right there.
02:38:02.000 That was my car.
02:38:03.000 That's it right there.
02:38:04.000 So somebody owns it.
02:38:05.000 Somebody bought it.
02:38:06.000 Because I think I traded it in when I got something else.
02:38:12.000 Joe Rogan, thanks for modding it to perfection.
02:38:14.000 That guy's got it.
02:38:15.000 That's my car.
02:38:16.000 To this day, that was one of my all-time favorite cars.
02:38:18.000 Definitely not the fastest car I ever drove, but it wasn't about being fast.
02:38:23.000 It was about the experience of driving it was more real tactile.
02:38:29.000 It's a very light car, and it's a mid-engine car.
02:38:31.000 These were low, right?
02:38:32.000 Bucket seats?
02:38:33.000 And it's a Japanese car.
02:38:35.000 It's a Honda.
02:38:35.000 So you know it's never going to break.
02:38:37.000 I never had a problem with those.
02:38:39.000 I had two of them.
02:38:41.000 I had one, I had it for like three years, and I traded it in, and then I got this other one later.
02:38:45.000 But in between, I had a Porsche, and that shit broke down constantly.
02:38:48.000 I had a 996 Turbo, which is like 2002. That shit broke constantly.
02:38:56.000 It just kept breaking man all kinds of crazy shit like the shift linkage blew two separate times where I would go to Shift gears and it just disengaged and was just floating around on two separate occasions that happened Where I couldn't shift gears and I was stuck one time luckily it happened while I was driving down the road So I was driving down the road and it popped loose and I was in second gear I said okay,
02:39:17.000 I'm gonna just wind this bitch out and get to the Porsche dealership So I kept in second gear just drove around in second gear through the streets like near Ventura Wow.
02:39:26.000 Ridiculous.
02:39:27.000 They weren't durable cars.
02:39:28.000 Did you ever go fast on that Porsche?
02:39:30.000 That's the new one, son.
02:39:32.000 No, I wasn't really into driving fast.
02:39:35.000 What I like is a car that corners really well.
02:39:38.000 I like a car that just has a connection to the road.
02:39:42.000 Dude, look at that thing.
02:39:43.000 That's the new NSX. That shit looks preposterous.
02:39:47.000 That's a preposterous looking vehicle.
02:39:50.000 Like Knight Rider.
02:39:51.000 Yeah, but the only problem I have with this car is the problem I have with all these cars.
02:39:55.000 They won't let you use a manual transmission.
02:39:58.000 They don't sell them with a manual transmission.
02:40:00.000 The problem with that is, come on man, we're not racing.
02:40:04.000 I want it to feel good.
02:40:07.000 People need to remember how much better it feels to drive a manual transmission.
02:40:11.000 Everybody wants to not learn.
02:40:14.000 And since a lot of people don't know...
02:40:15.000 I never learned.
02:40:16.000 That's the problem.
02:40:17.000 They don't want to stall out and look like an asshole.
02:40:19.000 That's too much work.
02:40:20.000 Once you learn how to drive it, you still stall out.
02:40:22.000 I stall out occasionally.
02:40:23.000 But the fun that you have with a car like that, with a manual transmission, is so different.
02:40:29.000 It's like you're engaged.
02:40:30.000 You're shifting things.
02:40:32.000 First gear.
02:40:33.000 Yeah, man.
02:40:34.000 Second gear.
02:40:35.000 There's something cool about that.
02:40:36.000 And for whatever reason, people are forgetting that.
02:40:39.000 It's a totally different experience when you drive a car that has a manual transmission versus a car that's not automatic.
02:40:45.000 You have more control, right?
02:40:46.000 Yeah, well, not really.
02:40:47.000 Honestly, you're better off with the automatic.
02:40:51.000 If you want to be totally honest, the automatic is going to go faster.
02:40:54.000 It's going to have a better choice of gear selection than you are.
02:40:58.000 It's going to, like, a lot of times when these race car drivers take, like, an automatic Porsche, like one of the new ones, they take it on a track.
02:41:04.000 They don't even take it out of automatic.
02:41:06.000 They don't shift the gears themselves.
02:41:07.000 If it's a double clutch gearbox, they put it in drive and they just go.
02:41:10.000 Because the things are so good at picking the right gear.
02:41:13.000 Why fuck around?
02:41:15.000 So it's better that way.
02:41:16.000 It really is better.
02:41:17.000 You have more control of the car that way.
02:41:20.000 But that's not necessarily what makes it the most fun.
02:41:24.000 What makes it the most fun is you're engaged in the car.
02:41:27.000 You're shifting the gears by yourself.
02:41:28.000 It looks like a smooth car.
02:41:29.000 Yeah.
02:41:29.000 Quiet.
02:41:30.000 Yeah.
02:41:30.000 Yeah.
02:41:31.000 Yeah.
02:41:34.000 You could learn how to drive a stick.
02:41:36.000 It's not hard.
02:41:37.000 I did it one time, this guy taught me in rehab how to drive a stick shift.
02:41:41.000 Oh yeah?
02:41:42.000 We were going downhill though.
02:41:43.000 Oh, well that's ridiculous.
02:41:47.000 Uphill's the worst.
02:41:48.000 You know what's the worst?
02:41:48.000 The top of La Cienega.
02:41:49.000 You get to the top of La Cienega right when you get to sunset, it's like a super steep hill.
02:41:53.000 You gotta have an e-brake.
02:41:54.000 And the new ones, they don't have e-brakes.
02:41:56.000 The new ones have a bullshit button e-brake, so you don't have a handle that you can just lift up and lift down.
02:42:01.000 That is nonsense.
02:42:03.000 Fix that.
02:42:04.000 Like, that's the whole deal.
02:42:05.000 If you're stuck in a, like, San Francisco street, and there's a red light, and you gotta go forward in a stick shift, that shit is a heart attack inducing.
02:42:14.000 I'm always afraid of rolling back on that car.
02:42:15.000 Of course.
02:42:16.000 Yeah, you have to have an emergency brake.
02:42:18.000 It's hard to do.
02:42:20.000 When you're a young kid and you're learning how to drive one, and you're on a crazy steep hill, at the top of the hill there's a stoplight.
02:42:26.000 Like, oh no.
02:42:27.000 That's designed for automatic cars.
02:42:30.000 If you have a stick shift, that's a fucking pain in the ass, man.
02:42:34.000 I can't even ride a motorcycle.
02:42:37.000 Motorcycles stall out too, right?
02:42:38.000 Same way?
02:42:39.000 Yeah.
02:42:39.000 So most motorcycle guys would probably be able to transition to a stick pretty easy.
02:42:44.000 Pretty simple.
02:42:45.000 Being in neutral.
02:42:47.000 Yeah, I never rode a motorcycle.
02:42:49.000 I took some classes for a little bit.
02:42:51.000 But then while I was taking classes, a couple people I knew wiped out pretty bad.
02:42:55.000 I was like, oh, fuck this.
02:42:56.000 This is too dangerous.
02:42:58.000 I think I rode a minibike one time in San Jose.
02:43:03.000 This comedian named Butch, he let me ride it.
02:43:06.000 Mini bikes are cool.
02:43:08.000 Someone without too much power is cool.
02:43:11.000 It's when you get into these, like, Hayabusas.
02:43:13.000 You know, you can just go and buy something that goes, like, zero to 60 in a second.
02:43:17.000 What the fuck is that?
02:43:19.000 You can just sell that to somebody.
02:43:21.000 All you have to do is get a license.
02:43:22.000 You get a license, and then you can go buy the most insane two-wheeled vehicle The world could have ever...
02:43:31.000 You couldn't even imagine something existing a hundred years ago.
02:43:35.000 Like a hundred years ago.
02:43:36.000 If you went back to 1918. And somebody got a Hayabusa and brought it to you.
02:43:42.000 You'd be like, what the fuck is this?
02:43:45.000 What is this?
02:43:46.000 The rocket?
02:43:48.000 Yeah, this doesn't even make sense.
02:43:49.000 People would try it and go flying off of it.
02:43:52.000 They would do wheelies and fall on top of them.
02:43:54.000 They'd be like, what in the fuck is this?
02:43:56.000 What are you doing with this thing?
02:43:57.000 And then someone could show it.
02:43:59.000 Someone who knows how to ride.
02:44:00.000 Some real motorcycle race car driver guy.
02:44:03.000 Evo Knievel.
02:44:05.000 No, like one of those guys that does those Isle of...
02:44:07.000 What's that Irish?
02:44:09.000 Is it Isle of Man?
02:44:10.000 What is that Irish crazy race they do?
02:44:13.000 Where these people are...
02:44:14.000 They're going so insanely fast.
02:44:18.000 And it looks like they're going through the woods and shit.
02:44:20.000 Like, look at this.
02:44:22.000 Is that what it is?
02:44:23.000 Isle of Man?
02:44:25.000 Yeah.
02:44:26.000 Why is there a car there in front?
02:44:28.000 Is the car...
02:44:29.000 Are the cars driving with them?
02:44:31.000 Oh, that guy just wiped out right there, son.
02:44:35.000 Or these people that are driving when it's not the race.
02:44:39.000 Yeah, I think this might just be your normal time.
02:44:41.000 They might be doing their own race or something.
02:44:43.000 Yeah.
02:44:43.000 Yeah, maybe.
02:44:45.000 So I think, hey, this is the actual race.
02:44:48.000 This is the Isle of Man race.
02:44:50.000 And I don't think they allow cars on the road while they have the race.
02:44:53.000 But dude, these guys go fast as shit.
02:44:57.000 It's crazy.
02:44:57.000 They take hills and they're flying through the air when they hit the hills.
02:45:02.000 Like, look at that.
02:45:03.000 Fuck, bro.
02:45:04.000 What is this?
02:45:05.000 Look how fast he's going, 171 miles an hour.
02:45:08.000 There's people right there.
02:45:09.000 Yup, and people to the left and to the right.
02:45:11.000 High-fiving them.
02:45:12.000 That is so insane.
02:45:15.000 Bikes are so insane.
02:45:17.000 And the fact that, you know, this is a fairly new thing in human history.
02:45:21.000 I mean, this is new.
02:45:23.000 This is within the last hundred years.
02:45:25.000 We had anything that you could do that with.
02:45:28.000 This speed that they could do it with now.
02:45:30.000 It's just fucking crazy, man Like your your moment where you have to make a decision like if something jumps out in front of you How much time do you have?
02:45:41.000 I'm gonna be a I'm still waiting for a jetpack.
02:45:44.000 Look people are fucking stupid Tell me someone wouldn't want to just go I'm gonna run when he comes by as soon as I see him I'm gonna run and I'm gonna get out of the way and then he tries to correct for you and wipes out and Yeah,
02:46:04.000 it's like he was doing a wheelie before he could even get off.
02:46:09.000 You have to be so tuned in.
02:46:11.000 I don't think we could even imagine how heightened your senses have to be to be able to stay on top of this.
02:46:19.000 Well, there's cars to the left and right.
02:46:21.000 And to be that alert, man.
02:46:22.000 Trees and shit.
02:46:23.000 There's trees everywhere.
02:46:26.000 These guys are animals.
02:46:28.000 Look at them fly over the top like that.
02:46:31.000 Fuck, that is so bananas.
02:46:34.000 That is crazy.
02:46:34.000 When you watch them, there's a video in real time of them all going over this hill.
02:46:38.000 Yeah, it's like that.
02:46:39.000 Like, zoom.
02:46:40.000 You really get a sense of it right there.
02:46:42.000 When you're riding in the POV, their POV, you get a little bit of a sense of it, but you really get a sense of it when you watch them pass by stationary cameras.
02:46:52.000 What else do these guys do?
02:46:53.000 I mean, are my cousins sort of like this?
02:46:55.000 I know they're like crazy people.
02:46:56.000 These are like pilots, fighter pilots, guys that go...
02:46:59.000 They're risk-taking fools, man.
02:47:01.000 And again, this is just like what we were talking about with those strongman dudes.
02:47:05.000 These are the people that are hard-wired to do incredibly dangerous things.
02:47:11.000 And I guarantee you, these same people that are hard-wired to do these kind of dangerous, risky things, they would be like special forces operators, they would be Navy SEALs, they would be...
02:47:21.000 They would be people that are...
02:47:23.000 Mercenaries?
02:47:24.000 Yeah, they can do things that other people probably don't have the nerves for.
02:47:29.000 And they're thrill seekers.
02:47:31.000 But then you could take a thrill seeker that maybe would have joined the military and put him on a bike or put him in an MMA cage or put him in a boxing ring and you get that same type of person.
02:47:43.000 Those people all exist because you needed those traits.
02:47:46.000 You needed those traits in order to be successful, to keep your civilization alive.
02:47:51.000 You needed big, strong, murderous people.
02:47:53.000 You needed people that were crazy and weren't afraid of danger.
02:47:56.000 You needed risk takers.
02:47:57.000 You needed reward seekers.
02:47:59.000 You needed people who wanted to be the king.
02:48:02.000 And if you didn't have that, you weren't going to survive because there's other people that had that on the other side.
02:48:06.000 Yeah.
02:48:06.000 That's what's crazy is we're figuring out how to filter that shit into sports now and all sorts of other aspects of life.
02:48:12.000 But it's these same instincts that have been around for hundreds of thousands of years that have turned people into what they are right now.
02:48:19.000 Fuck, man.
02:48:20.000 It's a trip.
02:48:22.000 It really is a trip when you think about people, just people in general.
02:48:25.000 Like what the paths that people take to become who they are right now.
02:48:30.000 How to be this guy on a jetpack going 100 miles an hour down the street.
02:48:34.000 How fast is he going?
02:48:36.000 Delivering weed.
02:48:36.000 Very, very fast though.
02:48:38.000 Very fast, right?
02:48:39.000 Yeah, he's flying.
02:48:41.000 Jesus Christ.
02:48:44.000 This is one, but this is not, I don't think, the fastest one.
02:48:46.000 This one looks like a halo of jets around him, but there's another guy that has one that are on his arms like Iron Man.
02:48:54.000 This was pretty new.
02:48:55.000 This was earlier this month.
02:48:56.000 Yeah, they're gonna get it.
02:48:58.000 If batteries get any better.
02:49:00.000 Godward Festival of Speed.
02:49:02.000 Yeah.
02:49:03.000 They're gonna get it.
02:49:04.000 They're gonna figure it out.
02:49:05.000 We're gonna get the hummingbird wings, bro.
02:49:07.000 That's what it's gonna be.
02:49:09.000 Just have some shit where it's like...
02:49:10.000 But you're gonna buy some cheap ones.
02:49:12.000 You know?
02:49:13.000 Some janky ones from overseas and the hummingbird wings gonna break off and hit you in the fucking head.
02:49:19.000 It's going...
02:49:20.000 There'll be people in downtown, knockoffs, pigeon wings.
02:49:26.000 Yeah, and then there would definitely be trippers that would put like glowing lights on them that would cause people to have seizures.
02:49:31.000 You know, like for sure, like, you know, Burning Man style lights all over your hummingbird wings.
02:49:37.000 That would be amazing.
02:49:39.000 Come on.
02:49:40.000 That would be one of the coolest things of all time.
02:49:42.000 Burning Man, hummingbird, glowing, flashing light wings.
02:49:48.000 That'd be badass.
02:49:49.000 Yeah, man.
02:49:51.000 Artist wants to cover Burning Man in a massive NASA-engineered blanket.
02:49:55.000 It's like 10,000 square...
02:49:58.000 What is it?
02:49:58.000 Sorry, 100 square meters.
02:50:00.000 For what?
02:50:01.000 To trip balls?
02:50:02.000 To see what would happen.
02:50:03.000 It's supposed to reflect 97% of the heat that would normally stay down there, so...
02:50:07.000 They're going to do a portion of it.
02:50:08.000 I don't know if they're going to...
02:50:09.000 They obviously can't cover that.
02:50:10.000 It's funny.
02:50:10.000 I was just reading about this.
02:50:11.000 They tell you to take one of those space blankets with you if you're going hiking in the woods.
02:50:15.000 Like if you're going on a camping trip and you have some survival stuff, a survival kit, one of the things they say is to get one of those.
02:50:22.000 Because you build a fire and then you get under the blanket in the fire and the fire reflects off the blanket and it makes a big impact on the amount of heat it gives off.
02:50:32.000 And they think for survival purposes it's a good move to have.
02:50:40.000 Where did I hear that about?
02:50:42.000 I think I heard that on a podcast.
02:50:47.000 Hmm.
02:50:48.000 Trying to figure out which podcast it was.
02:50:50.000 I'll try to remember.
02:50:51.000 But those little tiny blankets...
02:50:56.000 They don't weigh anything either, so it's like a smart thing for people to carry around with.
02:51:00.000 Do they keep you warm?
02:51:01.000 Supposedly.
02:51:03.000 I've never seen one.
02:51:04.000 Warmer, but they're really good apparently for reflecting heat.
02:51:09.000 Like they can keep your body heat in, you know, and pretty effective compared to their size and weight.
02:51:16.000 Which is like weird when they wrap people around them, they look like Chipotle burritos to go.
02:51:20.000 I know, they do.
02:51:21.000 Looks like there's nothing to it.
02:51:23.000 But maybe that's why Chipotle uses those wraps.
02:51:27.000 I got a food poisoning at Chipotle twice.
02:51:30.000 You think you did?
02:51:31.000 In D.C. How do you know that's exactly where you got the food poisoning?
02:51:35.000 That's the last thing I ate.
02:51:37.000 Right.
02:51:38.000 And then how much time did it take between eating it and you getting food poisoning?
02:51:42.000 One hour.
02:51:43.000 One hour.
02:51:43.000 But I felt it like I felt it getting hot and then I just threw up and shit it.
02:51:48.000 Before that one hour, what did you eat?
02:51:51.000 I don't remember.
02:51:52.000 Did you eat anything else?
02:51:54.000 I was on a plane.
02:51:56.000 Okay.
02:51:58.000 Was the plane eight hours before the food poisoning kicked in?
02:52:02.000 I don't know.
02:52:02.000 Maybe three?
02:52:03.000 Three.
02:52:04.000 The flight was five hours.
02:52:05.000 I know that.
02:52:05.000 So then, yeah, it could be eight.
02:52:07.000 I think most experts...
02:52:09.000 I've never talked to a food poisoning expert.
02:52:11.000 I don't want to bullshit you.
02:52:12.000 But I think most people will say that it's more likely that it was the food that was on the plane that got you.
02:52:18.000 Well, I didn't eat on the plane.
02:52:19.000 Oh, you didn't eat on the plane?
02:52:20.000 I didn't find flu.
02:52:21.000 It was just nuts.
02:52:22.000 You might have gotten it from nuts.
02:52:24.000 You sure it was food poisoning and not just like stomach flu?
02:52:26.000 I don't know, man, but it was bad for like three days.
02:52:29.000 I lost 14 pounds.
02:52:30.000 You know, whenever people say I got food poisoning from this, I always go, you might have.
02:52:35.000 But, I mean, people don't know like how long it takes to get food poisoning.
02:52:39.000 It's a little longer than you think.
02:52:40.000 It was chicken, you think?
02:52:42.000 How many hours does it take before food poisoning shows up?
02:52:44.000 One to three.
02:52:45.000 One to three.
02:52:45.000 Oh, maybe I'm wrong.
02:52:46.000 Maybe one of the servants had dirty hands.
02:52:48.000 Maybe they used to think it was longer.
02:52:50.000 Did they used to think it was longer?
02:52:51.000 Because I used to hear that it was like eight hours.
02:52:53.000 Yeah, I thought you had to wait for it to digest, but I mean, you can eat something and get sick right away.
02:52:57.000 That makes sense then.
02:52:57.000 Probably was Chipotle then.
02:53:00.000 But I would say if, like, you had eaten three hours earlier and then right after, well, if they're saying one to three, one is one.
02:53:05.000 Depends what it is, I suppose, too.
02:53:07.000 Roast chicken.
02:53:08.000 Yeah, fizzy coli or whatever, you know.
02:53:10.000 Oh, fizzy coli.
02:53:12.000 That's scary.
02:53:13.000 People get that from salad.
02:53:15.000 Yeah?
02:53:15.000 Yeah, runoff, man.
02:53:17.000 It's runoff from the animal areas.
02:53:20.000 Animal shit, essentially.
02:53:22.000 A lot of times when they have these farms, it rains and there's a lot of runoff, and the runoff is carrying cow shit and pig shit, and it's getting into the ground, and it's getting onto plants.
02:53:37.000 And if they don't adequately wash these plants and you get them and you eat them raw, you can definitely get sick.
02:53:45.000 See, Google that.
02:53:46.000 E. coli.
02:53:46.000 What is the cause of E. coli in vegetables?
02:53:50.000 I'm pretty sure that's the reason.
02:53:52.000 I know, like, sometimes when I drive to, like, when I do shows in Visalia or Bakersfield, on the right-hand side, you know, you pass by these cows.
02:54:01.000 Yeah.
02:54:02.000 And then there's a lake, and I always thought that was water, but it was runoff.
02:54:06.000 It's all a lake of crap.
02:54:08.000 It's like this whole lake full of cow shit just sitting there.
02:54:12.000 That's so dark.
02:54:14.000 There's a lake full of pig shit outside this one pig farm, one of those factory farms, where they have these warehouses filled with pigs, and they flew over with a drone to get footage of it, and you see this putrid, disgusting body of water that's just shit and piss.
02:54:32.000 I mean, it's massive.
02:54:33.000 Dude, it's massive.
02:54:34.000 I mean, it's like a lake that you would think you'd go fishing in.
02:54:37.000 It's right next to...
02:54:39.000 And where are we going to put all that stuff?
02:54:41.000 I don't know, man.
02:54:42.000 It's going to go into the ground.
02:54:44.000 They're not supposed to do that.
02:54:46.000 This thing of figuring out how to make the most amount of money with having the least amount of concerns for the life of the animal is the total wrong way to look at it.
02:54:57.000 But when you're feeding 20 million people and none of those people are aware of where their food comes, People start making decisions based on money and profit and then you get to this point where someone allows them to or we don't agree on what should and shouldn't be done or we don't agree on what we should and shouldn't enforce.
02:55:12.000 And then we get to this place where you have these buildings that are filled with pigs and you got a lake of piss and shit behind it and these things are jammed into these cages and they got dead babies on the ground.
02:55:21.000 You're like, okay.
02:55:22.000 What's that?
02:55:23.000 That seems like hell.
02:55:24.000 You've created hell so that you can make bacon.
02:55:27.000 That's a crazy way of contracting or getting your food.
02:55:33.000 But bacon tastes so good.
02:55:35.000 I know.
02:55:35.000 E. coli is a large group of bacteria with multiple strains, most of which are harmless and part of the normal flora of bacteria in the digestive tract.
02:55:42.000 Harmful strains of E. coli produce something called Shiga toxin, which can be deadly.
02:55:48.000 The strain, undercooked ground beef.
02:55:52.000 It's infected people through the consumption of undercooked ground beef.
02:55:56.000 So it's a toxin that exists in cattle.
02:56:00.000 Okay, here it goes.
02:56:01.000 This time, however, the toxic strain of E. coli has been found on romaine lettuce, which likely became contaminated from nearby cattle manure.
02:56:10.000 So yeah, that's what it is.
02:56:10.000 This is from the recent outbreak.
02:56:13.000 Yeah.
02:56:13.000 Yeah, I think it's happened before that I read about it as well with other stuff.
02:56:17.000 I think it was spinach.
02:56:19.000 I think they had an issue with spinach in the past.
02:56:22.000 I remember when the news came out, Joe Diaz and I were watching Fraser Smith perform, and he had a spinach joke.
02:56:30.000 I remember it was dumb, but it was hilarious to us.
02:56:33.000 He said, spinach, there's a thing on spinach.
02:56:39.000 And then he said, it's a good time to beat up Popeye.
02:56:45.000 That's a typical Frazier Snow joke.
02:56:47.000 He's so silly.
02:56:49.000 He's a funny dude, man.
02:56:50.000 Hey there, buddy.
02:56:51.000 He's so silly.
02:56:52.000 Very nice guy, though, isn't he?
02:56:54.000 Yeah, he's a very nice guy.
02:56:54.000 Frazier's a very nice guy.
02:56:56.000 Funny dude, though.
02:56:57.000 That kind of joke.
02:56:58.000 Like, wow!
02:57:01.000 So silly.
02:57:02.000 Now's a good time to beat up Popeye, guys.
02:57:06.000 Yeah, but that's not from the vegetables themselves.
02:57:08.000 That's the thing.
02:57:10.000 Like, those kind of diseases are from, you know, they're environmental toxins from the nearby stuff.
02:57:14.000 So the lettuce was grown, it grew with E. coli in it, or it got it afterwards?
02:57:19.000 No, no, no, it got on it.
02:57:20.000 It got on it somehow.
02:57:21.000 Oh, man.
02:57:22.000 Through the cattle manure.
02:57:23.000 So even washing that lettuce, you could not take it at all?
02:57:26.000 I think you can.
02:57:27.000 I think you can.
02:57:28.000 I think if you wash lettuce, you can take it out.
02:57:31.000 But if you cook it, you're much more likely to kill it.
02:57:33.000 Like, for broccoli and stuff like that, you're much more likely to be able to kill it.
02:57:38.000 You know, kale, stir-fry kale.
02:57:40.000 But the crazy thing is, had that happened in the first place, was that a normal thing that would have happened on a regular farm?
02:57:47.000 Like, if you just had a farm that wasn't a factory farm, but you just let the animals roam around, just be themselves, would that have happened?
02:57:54.000 Is it still possible?
02:57:55.000 Or does that only happen when you contain a certain amount of animals in a certain area and then also try to grow vegetables in that same area, too?
02:58:04.000 I mean, I'm sure people got E. Coli back in the day.
02:58:07.000 I'm sure it's not a new thing that people get sick from.
02:58:09.000 I just guess they didn't clean it well enough because of the way they're doing it.
02:58:12.000 Or, before refrigerators, for sure they probably got it, right?
02:58:15.000 They must have got it like crazy.
02:58:17.000 I bet people got food poisoning left and right before refrigerators.
02:58:21.000 Oh yeah, man.
02:58:23.000 They probably always had diarrhea.
02:58:25.000 Before...
02:58:26.000 I know, right?
02:58:27.000 Before they were telling you, um, come to our restaurant, our chef, wash his hands.
02:58:32.000 You ever catch your dog eating something in the backyard?
02:58:34.000 And you're like, oh, well, for sure he's going to be sick now.
02:58:38.000 Meanwhile, nothing.
02:58:39.000 Then you need a dead rat.
02:58:41.000 They can find a dead rat.
02:58:42.000 And you catch him chewing on a dead rat.
02:58:43.000 And you're like, what the fuck, dude?
02:58:45.000 I thought we were friends.
02:58:47.000 Why are you eating a dead rat, man?
02:58:48.000 That's so stupid.
02:58:50.000 Get in the house.
02:58:51.000 We got nice snacks in some of the house, you asshole.
02:58:53.000 I know, and I'm thinking, man, he's going to be sick.
02:58:54.000 He ate a rat.
02:58:55.000 Nothing.
02:58:56.000 Zero problems.
02:58:57.000 I ate steak one time.
02:58:58.000 I left in my car overnight.
02:59:00.000 Like, didn't know.
02:59:01.000 Thinking, like, oh, it's going to be a great lunch.
02:59:03.000 All these beef tips.
02:59:04.000 It was so good eating it, too.
02:59:05.000 And I was sick for, like, three days.
02:59:07.000 Oh, man.
02:59:07.000 So bad.
02:59:09.000 Lesson learned.
02:59:09.000 Did you try to reheat it in the microwave?
02:59:11.000 Oh, yeah.
02:59:11.000 I put it in a skillet, too, I think.
02:59:13.000 I was working at a restaurant.
02:59:15.000 That's what we made all the time.
02:59:16.000 So you knew that you probably had to cook it again.
02:59:19.000 I did cook it again.
02:59:19.000 But you thought it would be fine.
02:59:20.000 Yeah, I thought it was in the clear.
02:59:22.000 Dude.
02:59:23.000 I've eaten like seven day old KFC, but it was through in the refrigerator.
02:59:26.000 I didn't even cook it.
02:59:27.000 Did that get you?
02:59:28.000 It was good.
02:59:28.000 No, no.
02:59:30.000 KFC cold rocks.
02:59:31.000 You know what my favorite KFC is?
02:59:33.000 KFC cold with hot sauce.
02:59:35.000 You got like El Yucateca, habanero sauce, that green shit.
02:59:38.000 Or some tapatio.
02:59:39.000 Yeah.
02:59:40.000 Tapatio doesn't have the kind of kick though.
02:59:41.000 It doesn't have a kick.
02:59:42.000 You're right about that.
02:59:43.000 I need more.
02:59:44.000 I need more.
02:59:45.000 It doesn't have the cake, it doesn't have the spice, but not the real big cake, like Dave's hot sauce, maybe?
02:59:50.000 That's too much.
02:59:51.000 That's fucking too much, huh?
02:59:52.000 There's like a line, there's a line where you're like, what are you doing?
02:59:55.000 What are you doing?
02:59:56.000 You're doing fucking, you know, doing a stunt?
02:59:59.000 Like, why are you eating that?
03:00:00.000 How about you?
03:00:01.000 Doritos are good, though.
03:00:02.000 They're very good.
03:00:03.000 But I mean, there's like a habanero, there's a level of hot sauce.
03:00:06.000 Habanero's fucking hot, though.
03:00:08.000 Habanero's hot as fuck.
03:00:09.000 It's hot enough.
03:00:10.000 It's hot as fuck.
03:00:11.000 Like that Yucateco shit?
03:00:13.000 There's a lot of good habanero sauces.
03:00:16.000 A lot of good ones.
03:00:17.000 But there's something about habanero sauce on cold chicken.
03:00:23.000 Woo!
03:00:24.000 God, that's good.
03:00:26.000 That's your favorite fried chicken?
03:00:28.000 No chance.
03:00:29.000 No.
03:00:29.000 No.
03:00:31.000 Uh, I don't, I mean, I try not to eat it unless I have to, if I'm starving.
03:00:36.000 And that's all that's available.
03:00:37.000 But most of the time I think, man, how are they getting these chickens?
03:00:41.000 These are those tortured chickens that live in those boxes.
03:00:44.000 Yeah, these chickens don't have bigger breasts.
03:00:45.000 But then you pass by Chick-fil-A and you're like, what's the line about?
03:00:49.000 Why is the line so big?
03:00:50.000 Must be delicious.
03:00:52.000 Oh, I could taste the bun and the mayonnaise and that chicken.
03:00:56.000 That sweet, sweet, juicy, warm chicken.
03:00:59.000 Warm.
03:00:59.000 I used to fuck with those little chicken littles from KFC, the little dollar sandwiches.
03:01:06.000 The thing is, man...
03:01:09.000 What happened to get that chicken sandwich in your hand?
03:01:12.000 If you get a video, if they give you a little fucking...
03:01:15.000 Every chicken sandwich you buy comes with a documented life of the chicken.
03:01:22.000 You get a number, like, oh, this is number 216, and you go to the website, and you can access the video of the chicken living from the time it's a baby chick, from the time it's a grown-up chick, And a dude with a fucking gloved hand grabs his fucker, stuffs him in a cage, and feeds him, and he gets bigger,
03:01:37.000 and he's stuck in his cage, and they take him out, whack his fucking head off, throw him into the furnace to blow off all his feathers, pull the guts out of him, cook him at KFC. If you could see all that, if you saw it from start to finish,
03:01:53.000 you'd be like, oof.
03:01:54.000 Or they tell you how much...
03:01:55.000 I don't know what I'm doing here.
03:01:56.000 Or they tell you how much water was used to feed this guy.
03:02:00.000 Well, we need more water.
03:02:02.000 Yeah, for sure.
03:02:03.000 But that doesn't disturb me as much as the life...
03:02:07.000 Of a pig that lives in a cage that's in a warehouse filled with cages that's created a river of shit right next to it.
03:02:14.000 Swimming it.
03:02:15.000 I like wild animals, man.
03:02:17.000 I like the way they taste.
03:02:18.000 I like the idea behind it.
03:02:20.000 What does that mousse taste like?
03:02:21.000 It tastes good.
03:02:22.000 Mousse tastes delicious.
03:02:23.000 I had deer burgers at one time and beer.
03:02:26.000 My uncle would hunt deer in Ensenada and he would make it like carne asada, pork, whatever.
03:02:33.000 Yeah.
03:02:34.000 Hot sausages.
03:02:35.000 Mm-hmm.
03:02:37.000 And it was good.
03:02:39.000 A lot of people go to Mexico.
03:02:40.000 A lot of Americans go to Mexico to deer hunt.
03:02:43.000 Yeah, there's a lot of big deer hunting.
03:02:45.000 Yeah.
03:02:47.000 What is it?
03:02:48.000 There's another place.
03:02:48.000 Rosarito?
03:02:49.000 Well, it starts with an S. Sonora.
03:02:51.000 Sonora.
03:02:52.000 Sonora has a lot of big deer there.
03:02:54.000 People go there to hunt deer.
03:02:56.000 Scared as fuck.
03:02:57.000 They're scared.
03:02:58.000 We're going to go to Mexico.
03:02:59.000 They're going to get me.
03:03:00.000 They're going to get me while I'm over here.
03:03:02.000 It's weird, man.
03:03:05.000 They hunt deer over there and turn them into tacos.
03:03:07.000 There's a wild-ranging, free-ranging herd of buffalo in Mexico, too.
03:03:13.000 Really?
03:03:13.000 Yeah.
03:03:14.000 They must have shot a movie there one time and brought in buffaloes and then left them there.
03:03:18.000 I wonder.
03:03:19.000 Because I thought buffaloes, I think there's buffaloes in Catalina Island or I don't know where.
03:03:24.000 Catalina, right?
03:03:25.000 Yeah, and they asked how'd they get there while they shot a movie once and they brought in a buffalo and then left them there.
03:03:30.000 Oh, that's interesting.
03:03:32.000 There used to be an island, like one of those islands off the coast of California, that had all kinds of wild animals.
03:03:39.000 That people brought all these animals over there to try to turn into a wild game park.
03:03:43.000 They had like deer and elk and all kinds of shit roaming around this one island.
03:03:46.000 And then the biologist said, yeah, enough of that.
03:03:49.000 Like, this is crazy.
03:03:50.000 You got a tiny island.
03:03:51.000 All these things are breeding.
03:03:52.000 There's no predators.
03:03:53.000 Like, this is an eco-disaster that human beings have created.
03:03:58.000 So the story that I had heard was that they decided to gun them all down.
03:04:01.000 I want to find out if that's true.
03:04:03.000 Jamie, find out if that's true.
03:04:06.000 Channel Islands?
03:04:06.000 Is that what it was?
03:04:07.000 Channel Islands?
03:04:08.000 It's one of those islands.
03:04:08.000 I did a show at a military gig in one of those islands, St. Nicholas Island.
03:04:13.000 Oh yeah, you were telling me about this.
03:04:15.000 Yeah.
03:04:16.000 Yeah, you told me about this a while ago, right?
03:04:17.000 Yeah.
03:04:19.000 They test nuclear weapons there in the ocean.
03:04:24.000 Yeah.
03:04:26.000 What was that gig like?
03:04:27.000 It was just a quick gig at a bar.
03:04:29.000 It was crazy because...
03:04:31.000 The show ended at 10 and like against the bar closed at 11, but like five minutes before the bar closed, 10 military police came in and made sure it was closed.
03:04:43.000 Wow.
03:04:44.000 And then we left at, when they say we're leaving at 5 in the morning, they're leaving at 5 in the morning.
03:04:49.000 Wow.
03:04:50.000 There was no lagging.
03:04:51.000 I was running late.
03:04:52.000 They almost left without me.
03:04:54.000 Oh, shit.
03:04:55.000 This was 5 in the morning, you were supposed to get off the base and head to your flight?
03:04:58.000 Yeah.
03:04:59.000 Well, yeah, you can't fuck around there, son.
03:05:01.000 We did some UFCs at military bases.
03:05:04.000 We did quite a few of them there.
03:05:06.000 We did the one down in San Diego.
03:05:09.000 We've done them in Texas.
03:05:12.000 We did them in North Carolina, I believe.
03:05:14.000 We did them in a lot of different places.
03:05:15.000 But they get super enthusiastic, man.
03:05:18.000 Fights on the bases, and they would be on...
03:05:21.000 I think they did it on Spike TV. I think that was on Spike at the time.
03:05:27.000 But it was heavy shit, man.
03:05:30.000 It was interesting.
03:05:31.000 Really interesting.
03:05:32.000 They might have did it on Fox, too.
03:05:34.000 Maybe on FS1. Or one of those Fox Sports channels.
03:05:38.000 Maybe Fox Sports 1. But it's like nothing else, man.
03:05:42.000 Especially military guys fight.
03:05:44.000 If one of the guys, like one time Tim Kennedy was fighting, and he's fighting Rafael Natal, who's a real world-class fighter, a real tough fight.
03:05:53.000 And Tim Kennedy caught him with a left hook.
03:05:55.000 Just boom!
03:05:55.000 Drops him with his left hook.
03:05:57.000 And then he's on top of the cage, and they're cheering him.
03:05:59.000 I mean, we had gone to break, too.
03:06:02.000 He wasn't doing this for the cameras.
03:06:04.000 He was doing this to express himself to these people that he just fought for.
03:06:07.000 They're screaming and cheering for him, and they're going nuts.
03:06:09.000 And he's pointing at them, telling them, I love you.
03:06:11.000 I love you.
03:06:13.000 I'm doing this for you guys.
03:06:15.000 It's heavy shit, man.
03:06:17.000 When a fellow soldier is at that base, and then they all cheer for him, and he wins like that.
03:06:24.000 That's intense, man.
03:06:26.000 It's intense human beings.
03:06:28.000 How appreciative were the people there for you guys?
03:06:30.000 Super, super, super appreciative.
03:06:31.000 So happy to see anybody, huh?
03:06:32.000 Not just so happy to see anybody, but to have like a crazy event, like a UFC on their base, and they get to go and see it.
03:06:39.000 You know, it's a great treat for them.
03:06:42.000 Break up the monotony of everything.
03:06:43.000 It's good for the morale, man.
03:06:45.000 Fuck yeah, man.
03:06:46.000 That's big, man.
03:06:47.000 You gotta have morale.
03:06:48.000 I mean, the Vikings knew that.
03:06:49.000 That's why they did mushrooms.
03:06:52.000 People who listen to your show, man, you don't know how happy you make them.
03:06:56.000 I run into people when they say, oh, bro, thank you for having me on.
03:07:01.000 My pleasure.
03:07:02.000 And they always talk about, oh, bro, they always say, I wake up to you, and they talk about you.
03:07:09.000 They want to be here.
03:07:11.000 They like everything you say, man.
03:07:15.000 And I remember when I was walking down the street the other day and I ran into a guy and he told me, hey man, I was locked up in Corcoran State Prison for many years and you on Last Coming Stanley helped me get through the hard times.
03:07:37.000 Our whole lot, our whole prison alley, I guess what they call it, the whole block was rooting for you.
03:07:45.000 We were going to riot if you didn't win.
03:07:47.000 Wow.
03:07:48.000 And I'm thinking, wow, man, these fucking inmates are watching me and they're voting for me.
03:07:52.000 Wow.
03:07:52.000 With the prison phones.
03:07:54.000 Whoa.
03:07:55.000 And I remember one of your guests was here, George Perez.
03:07:59.000 Yeah.
03:08:00.000 I used to write to him.
03:08:01.000 I remember one time I wrote him a seven-page letter.
03:08:05.000 Stay up, you know, and he would call me in the middle of the night.
03:08:09.000 George Perez from prison.
03:08:11.000 Like in the middle of the night.
03:08:13.000 Hey, Felipe, what are you doing?
03:08:15.000 Being free, fool?
03:08:19.000 Enjoy my freedom, dog!
03:08:21.000 He goes, oh man, what's it like?
03:08:24.000 Everything's doing good, man.
03:08:25.000 He would tell me that he was doing comedy shows in prison for the guards.
03:08:29.000 For extra lunches, extra chips.
03:08:32.000 George's a funny dude, man.
03:08:34.000 He's a beast.
03:08:34.000 He's a funny guy.
03:08:35.000 He's a good joke writer, too.
03:08:36.000 Yeah, man.
03:08:37.000 Yeah.
03:08:38.000 Yeah, man.
03:08:39.000 I mean, that's how Joey started, too.
03:08:40.000 Joey Diaz started in prison, making people laugh.
03:08:43.000 They would have something going on.
03:08:46.000 It would be boring.
03:08:47.000 They'd be like, throw the Cuban up there!
03:08:48.000 Throw the Cuban up there!
03:08:49.000 And Joey would go up there and make everybody laugh.
03:08:51.000 That's how he got started, man.
03:08:52.000 That was a big part of what gave him the confidence.
03:08:55.000 When you started, did you go at it or did you go read a book or did you know what you were going to do when you started stand-up?
03:09:03.000 How did you approach it?
03:09:04.000 I just went to an open mic night and I got real lucky that it was available, that you could sign up.
03:09:10.000 Where was it?
03:09:11.000 Boston, Stitches, August 27th, 1988. And you could just sign up.
03:09:17.000 You could just go in there and put your name into the hat.
03:09:20.000 And, you know, they had to pick X amount of people.
03:09:22.000 I forget how many, 20 people or something like that.
03:09:24.000 And everybody does like five minutes.
03:09:26.000 And I just got lucky.
03:09:28.000 I went up and...
03:09:29.000 Just said, wow, I think I can do this.
03:09:32.000 I wasn't good, but I was definitely thinking, this is something that you could get better at.
03:09:38.000 You could figure it out, and you could do it.
03:09:41.000 But I remember thinking, there's no way I'm going to ever be able to have a real job.
03:09:46.000 I'm just too dysfunctional.
03:09:48.000 Way too dysfunctional.
03:09:50.000 I was way too crazy.
03:09:51.000 I had a lot of drive, but the idea of being in an office and being trapped like that, I felt like a caged-in alley cat.
03:10:01.000 There's no way, man.
03:10:02.000 I gotta get the fuck out of here.
03:10:04.000 You felt there was more out there, huh?
03:10:05.000 I just was too ADD, man.
03:10:08.000 It might not have even been an ambition thing as much of an intolerance thing.
03:10:12.000 Wasn't that I had like this grand plan for myself like I thought I deserve better and I'm gonna be the top of this fucking kick-ass It was that I couldn't do that.
03:10:21.000 I can't do it There's something about me like monotonous boring shit.
03:10:25.000 My brain is screaming for new experiences always that's my number like It's a good thing, but it's also a bad thing because sometimes you can't concentrate on things because you want to think about other things that are better and more crazy and more exciting, more fun.
03:10:40.000 So it's like trying to manage that mindset with a regular job is almost impossible.
03:10:45.000 To me, I just couldn't do it.
03:10:46.000 I tried.
03:10:47.000 I was just too...
03:10:47.000 I didn't give a fuck.
03:10:49.000 I wanted to quit.
03:10:49.000 Done.
03:10:50.000 Can't do this.
03:10:51.000 I felt like it was just a constant grind on your skin.
03:10:54.000 Just pulling your skin down and dragging you into this state...
03:11:01.000 Where you didn't want to exist.
03:11:02.000 You know, and some people are different.
03:11:04.000 Some people have no problem.
03:11:05.000 They find a great job.
03:11:06.000 They're super happy.
03:11:07.000 They make friends with the people they work with.
03:11:09.000 And every day is a pleasure.
03:11:10.000 And they just get in there and they laugh and joke around.
03:11:12.000 But I'm too fucked up.
03:11:14.000 I can't sit still.
03:11:15.000 I have a million other things that I want to do.
03:11:17.000 While someone's talking to me about some boring shit, I've got like five other things I want to do.
03:11:21.000 I'm like, I can't do this.
03:11:22.000 I got to get out of here.
03:11:23.000 Like, I can't take this.
03:11:24.000 So I was like stir crazy if I had a regular job.
03:11:29.000 Me, I was in rehab in 1992. I was in drug rehab for crack.
03:11:36.000 Bam!
03:11:37.000 I was out.
03:11:38.000 And when I was in there, somebody asked me, what are your goals in life?
03:11:42.000 What do you want to do?
03:11:44.000 And I remember there was a bunch of heroin addicts, guys from prisoners.
03:11:48.000 It was a rehab.
03:11:50.000 And then he told us to write down five things.
03:11:52.000 So I never had goals before, so I wrote down I want to be a comedian.
03:11:56.000 I want to go to Italy because I love Olive Garden and I want to be sober.
03:12:03.000 I want to go to Italy because I love Olive Garden.
03:12:05.000 Like I said, I want to go to Mexico because I love Taco Bell.
03:12:07.000 Hell yeah.
03:12:08.000 That's the same shit.
03:12:09.000 I know, right?
03:12:10.000 I want to do the real tour of Italy, not just on a plate.
03:12:15.000 So I didn't know how to go about it, man.
03:12:17.000 I just went to the Los Angeles Public Library.
03:12:20.000 This was before social media.
03:12:22.000 And I went in with my bald ass, gangster bald head.
03:12:26.000 And I told that old lady there, this old white lady, I said, listen, man, I don't know how to tell you this or how to explain this to you, okay?
03:12:34.000 I want to be a comedian.
03:12:36.000 I want to do stand-up comedy, but I don't know how to write.
03:12:40.000 I don't know how to put a joke together.
03:12:43.000 So then she put me to this, she went to this big old, you know those big old library?
03:12:49.000 Glossary cards with me.
03:12:51.000 And she found comedy writing.
03:12:53.000 And she got me this book called Comedy Writing Step by Step by Jean Perrette.
03:12:58.000 Oh, wow.
03:12:59.000 Did you follow it?
03:13:00.000 I did.
03:13:01.000 I followed it.
03:13:02.000 I learned.
03:13:03.000 Then I would go back every day and I would rent videos of Lenny Bruce and cassettes of George Carlin from the library.
03:13:12.000 And a friend of mine, when I was a little boy, he had loaned me this VHS. And back then, if you fuck with a VHS tape, you could make it go six hours instead of a three-hour movie.
03:13:24.000 Oh yeah, you downgrade the quality?
03:13:26.000 Yeah.
03:13:26.000 So I had like six comedy specials that I watched.
03:13:30.000 And they were all HBO's.
03:13:32.000 It was Holly Mandel, Paul Rodriguez, when you're wearing that little Christmas sweater.
03:13:36.000 Yeah.
03:13:37.000 And Sam Kinison on the Young Comedian show with Seinfeld and Jeff, Jeff, what, what?
03:13:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:13:43.000 And I think Ronnie was hosting and the Dice Man was on that tape.
03:13:47.000 So I just got all that stuff.
03:13:50.000 That's what inspired you?
03:13:51.000 Yeah.
03:13:53.000 And I would go to the library and I'd just write down ideas.
03:13:58.000 How old were you at the time?
03:13:59.000 I was 23, 24. And you were like, this is what I wanted.
03:14:03.000 Hell yeah.
03:14:04.000 And one day I paid 12 bucks and I went into the main room to watch a real show.
03:14:09.000 And I saw Mencia.
03:14:11.000 I saw some dude named The Todd.
03:14:13.000 The Todd!
03:14:14.000 Yeah, and I saw this old white, black dude with a fedora, white hat.
03:14:18.000 Tyree!
03:14:19.000 Dave Tyree.
03:14:20.000 Dave Tyree.
03:14:21.000 And I saw the guy that does the props.
03:14:23.000 He used to inflate his body into like an Elvis.
03:14:28.000 He's one of the blue color of comedy.
03:14:30.000 He does props.
03:14:31.000 He brings up people, I don't know.
03:14:34.000 And Luke Torres.
03:14:35.000 I saw Luke Torres.
03:14:36.000 Who was on one of the blue-collar comedians that does props?
03:14:40.000 He used to inflate himself, but he didn't tour with him, but he was on the show.
03:14:45.000 Oh, okay.
03:14:46.000 He used to get an iron and burn himself, and then his face would be on the iron.
03:14:52.000 Oh, that's fun.
03:14:53.000 They don't do that anymore.
03:14:54.000 And then he had this bit where he's a football player, and there's people chasing him, and there's a fake football player behind him.
03:15:01.000 Oh!
03:15:01.000 Dude, wait a minute.
03:15:02.000 Was this Heath Heiss?
03:15:04.000 Heath Heiss, yes!
03:15:05.000 Dude, very funny guy.
03:15:06.000 Yeah, he's fucking hilarious.
03:15:07.000 He was a very funny guy.
03:15:08.000 Remember when he had the church sermon?
03:15:10.000 Yes!
03:15:11.000 To choir, rather, and he had all the people behind him?
03:15:13.000 Yeah.
03:15:14.000 Yeah, and they would move around.
03:15:15.000 He had these people behind him, and he had this whole contraption.
03:15:19.000 Yeah, he was a really funny dude.
03:15:22.000 Yeah, so that was, what year was that?
03:15:24.000 Oh, like 1994, probably.
03:15:27.000 Wow, that's when I first started going there, man.
03:15:30.000 Then from that, I just went to the Natural Fudge, and I met Brian Holtzman there, Cynthia Levine, Freddie Soto, Al Berman, the Mooney Twins, Ruby Quintana.
03:15:43.000 Crazy lineage, man.
03:15:46.000 It's just an interesting art form.
03:15:49.000 You get to know these really bizarre people.
03:15:51.000 You get to get close to them.
03:15:53.000 It's a very unique way to live your life as a person in a strange group of vagabonds just trying to make people laugh.
03:16:04.000 I used to work at Dodger Stadium and I used to work at Yoshinoya when Hideo Nomo was playing.
03:16:10.000 I was cooking food every day, just making Japanese food.
03:16:15.000 Every time I would see a comedian, I would ask him for advice, you know, because I'm so young.
03:16:19.000 And I would talk to T.K. Carter.
03:16:21.000 T.K. Carter.
03:16:22.000 I remember T.K. Carter.
03:16:23.000 He was in The Thing.
03:16:24.000 Punky Brewster.
03:16:25.000 He was a teacher.
03:16:26.000 Oh, shit.
03:16:26.000 But do you remember T.K. Carter was in The Thing?
03:16:28.000 He was in a bunch of big-time movies back then.
03:16:32.000 But he was in John Carpenter's The Thing.
03:16:34.000 And there was another woman there that was, she was part of the Comedy Store strike with curly hair.
03:16:40.000 And she did a special with Paul Rodriguez from prison.
03:16:45.000 She did it with him?
03:16:46.000 Yeah.
03:16:46.000 What did she do?
03:16:47.000 She did stand-up comedy.
03:16:48.000 Hit her at him.
03:16:49.000 It was her, Paul Rodriguez, and Anthony Michael something.
03:16:52.000 Hmm.
03:16:53.000 Wow.
03:16:54.000 I forgot her name, man.
03:16:55.000 Old school.
03:16:55.000 She's famous.
03:16:56.000 She's famous.
03:16:57.000 Old school.
03:16:59.000 Old school, man.
03:17:00.000 Yeah.
03:17:01.000 Yeah, it's interesting.
03:17:01.000 It's so much easier to get more inspired, or to get inspired, rather, today, because kids could just watch all that stuff that you just brought up on YouTube.
03:17:09.000 On YouTube.
03:17:09.000 Plus all the shit that's happened since then.
03:17:11.000 No bus rides.
03:17:11.000 Yeah, no bus rides.
03:17:13.000 And you could do it anytime you're anywhere.
03:17:16.000 You know, you put the headphones on, bam, you're sitting there watching a comedy special.
03:17:20.000 My first comedy album I listened to was Bill Cosby, my brother Russell, whom I sleep with.
03:17:25.000 That was my first album.
03:17:26.000 Me and my friend, Jackie Escalera, he put it in in that little official price record player and I memorized it.
03:17:35.000 Up until then, I never memorized anything.
03:17:38.000 It's crazy.
03:17:39.000 And then, Richard Pryor, The Niggas Crazy.
03:17:42.000 That was the funniest fucking album ever.
03:17:45.000 All time great.
03:17:45.000 You can never get an album in the ghetto unless you call up and say, five niggas killing a white woman.
03:17:50.000 Where's the body?
03:17:53.000 Simple, bro.
03:17:54.000 Yeah.
03:17:54.000 Fuckin' so simple.
03:17:55.000 And really quick.
03:17:57.000 Real quick.
03:17:58.000 That's what good about racist jokes.
03:18:01.000 They're so easy.
03:18:02.000 Yeah.
03:18:03.000 They're like so simple, but I didn't come up with it.
03:18:06.000 Well, that one, I mean, you got to realize the world was a different place.
03:18:09.000 When Richard Pryor was doing that, man, the world was a different place.
03:18:12.000 And to be first, too.
03:18:14.000 Well, he was not necessarily first.
03:18:16.000 I think what it is, is there's like this progression.
03:18:19.000 And I think that, you know, comedians get inspired by the other ones that are around them, and they were really just starting it in the 1950s and 60s, right?
03:18:25.000 So then there's Lenny Bruce, who's probably the first guy who does our style of comedy, of just talking about things like, what the fuck is this?
03:18:32.000 Like, what is this, ladies and gentlemen?
03:18:34.000 Why is this happening?
03:18:35.000 Who caused this?
03:18:36.000 Instead of just telling a bunch of jokes, he's talking about things and pointing things out that happen to be funny, and then Richard Pryor comes on after him and makes it way funnier.
03:18:45.000 So what he did was like the same kind of thing, but way funnier.
03:18:49.000 Like Richard Pryor, there was another level of evolution that he achieved, inspired off the work of the guys that were before him.
03:18:57.000 The Mort Sahls and the, you know, those guys inspired Pryor.
03:19:01.000 And Pryor, of course, inspires everybody.
03:19:03.000 It all comes from Pryor, like in the early.
03:19:06.000 It's like Lenny Bruce is just this genius, mind-opening guy that's dealing with people that are asleep.
03:19:12.000 He's in a world of the 1950s and 1960s where people are just asleep.
03:19:16.000 They're weird.
03:19:17.000 They're disconnected from the world around them, from critical thinking.
03:19:21.000 It's like they're just starting to wake up culturally.
03:19:23.000 And then, boom, Richard Pryor takes that and turns it into the funniest shit that anybody had ever seen.
03:19:29.000 Hell yeah.
03:19:29.000 My all-time favorite comedian has always been Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Paul Rodriguez.
03:19:35.000 There's a lot of great ones, man.
03:19:37.000 Oh, man.
03:19:37.000 There's a lot of great ones, you know?
03:19:39.000 Did you get a chance to see Richard Jenny at all?
03:19:41.000 I did.
03:19:43.000 Platypus, man.
03:19:44.000 Yeah.
03:19:45.000 He was funny, dude.
03:19:46.000 Dude, he was funny.
03:19:47.000 He doesn't get the credit he deserves.
03:19:48.000 No, he was really funny, man.
03:19:49.000 He had a lot of those VH1 half-hour specials.
03:19:53.000 Yeah.
03:19:54.000 And he was on our senior hall many times.
03:19:56.000 Dude, he was on everything.
03:19:58.000 Yeah.
03:19:58.000 He's done a bunch of Letterman's and Tonight Shows.
03:20:01.000 He did the Tonight Show a ton of times.
03:20:03.000 He was a monster.
03:20:04.000 Also, when I was working at Dodger Stadium, I saw one of my favorite comedians, and I was working.
03:20:12.000 I remember Joe was so fucking dirty.
03:20:13.000 I was greasy, bro.
03:20:15.000 I had fucking peaches of chicken on my apron, and I saw Steven Wright.
03:20:20.000 Oh, shit.
03:20:21.000 He was buying a hot dog, and I was telling everybody, you guys don't know who that guy is?
03:20:25.000 This guy's an Oscar winner, homie.
03:20:26.000 You don't know who this fool is, bitch?
03:20:28.000 You made him super comfortable, I'm sure.
03:20:31.000 Yeah, he got very uncomfortable.
03:20:32.000 That's fucking Stephen Wright, dawg!
03:20:34.000 I said, Stephen Wright, don't go nowhere.
03:20:36.000 Felipe, you're that guy.
03:20:37.000 Don't go nowhere, dawg.
03:20:38.000 And I went around, don't go nowhere.
03:20:39.000 Don't go nowhere.
03:20:40.000 And I went around, and he goes, you ain't gonna pay for shit, alright?
03:20:43.000 And he goes, you're gonna just walk out of here.
03:20:45.000 And he walks out of there.
03:20:46.000 Wow, that's hilarious.
03:20:47.000 Then I said, I reached out to shake his hand, and he put his hand inside of his hoodie.
03:20:53.000 Oh, no.
03:20:53.000 In his sleeve, and he shook my hand with the sleeve.
03:20:56.000 Oh, no.
03:20:56.000 Oh, sorry.
03:20:57.000 That's alright.
03:20:58.000 He's like a germaphobe.
03:20:59.000 Oh, is he really?
03:21:00.000 I didn't even know.
03:21:02.000 But he shook my hand with cotton.
03:21:06.000 That is hilarious, dude.
03:21:08.000 That's hilarious.
03:21:08.000 But I must have freaked him out, too, though.
03:21:10.000 Well, you know, you're a strong cup of tea.
03:21:12.000 Yeah.
03:21:13.000 What's he going to do?
03:21:14.000 He's a super white guy from Boston.
03:21:16.000 I know, man.
03:21:16.000 He's like, oh no.
03:21:18.000 As soon as you say, don't go nowhere.
03:21:20.000 I get starstruck, man.
03:21:21.000 Don't invite me to places.
03:21:22.000 But don't go nowhere is a real problem statement.
03:21:25.000 When he said, don't go nowhere, he's like, oh, this is not what I'm looking for.
03:21:28.000 I'm looking for, how you doing?
03:21:30.000 You're really funny.
03:21:31.000 Thanks, bye.
03:21:31.000 Move, don't move, buddy.
03:21:32.000 That's what he's looking for.
03:21:33.000 He's looking for, hey, Stephen Wright, nice to meet you.
03:21:35.000 You're really funny.
03:21:35.000 Thank you very much.
03:21:36.000 Appreciate it.
03:21:36.000 I'm going to get a hot dog now and get the fuck out of here.
03:21:39.000 Don't go nowhere.
03:21:40.000 I remember peeing next to John Ritter at Dodger Stadium, man.
03:21:44.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
03:21:44.000 And I started humming the song.
03:21:49.000 He held his penis and started walking to the other side of the trough.
03:21:55.000 Oh, that's so funny.
03:21:57.000 That's so funny.
03:21:58.000 Here's an empty thing and one Mexican dude stand next to you humming.
03:22:02.000 That's so ridiculous.
03:22:04.000 You're ridiculous.
03:22:05.000 And I'm the only one who recognized him.
03:22:06.000 He was wearing like a beard and shades.
03:22:08.000 But I know Jack Stripper, homie.
03:22:09.000 I did an episode of News Radio with that dude.
03:22:11.000 He was a real nice guy.
03:22:13.000 That was such a bummer when he died.
03:22:14.000 He was so out of the blue.
03:22:15.000 It was like, what?
03:22:17.000 Hey, that black girl on the show, she was your girlfriend, huh, on the show?
03:22:20.000 She was whose girlfriend?
03:22:21.000 Your girlfriend, news radio?
03:22:22.000 No, she wasn't my girlfriend on the show.
03:22:24.000 I think there was one...
03:22:24.000 I thought you dated her.
03:22:25.000 There was one thing where I was...
03:22:26.000 You mean in real life?
03:22:27.000 No, you dated her on the show.
03:22:28.000 You had a crush on her.
03:22:29.000 I was trying, yeah.
03:22:29.000 Oh, I remember that, yeah.
03:22:30.000 That's what it was.
03:22:31.000 I was trying in real life.
03:22:33.000 I mean, I was trying...
03:22:34.000 Whoops.
03:22:35.000 No, she's a girlfriend.
03:22:36.000 I was not trying in real life.
03:22:37.000 In the show, my character was supposedly trying, but I don't think they were never successful.
03:22:43.000 It's hard to remember.
03:22:44.000 So long ago, you know?
03:22:46.000 I was watching a clip of it the other day online.
03:22:48.000 Somebody put something up online.
03:22:49.000 It was me and Phil Hartman.
03:22:50.000 I literally didn't even remember it.
03:22:52.000 I was watching it like it was something that wasn't even me.
03:22:55.000 I was like, this is weird.
03:22:57.000 It's weird to watch, you know?
03:22:58.000 It's weird to watch yourself when you know it's yourself, but you have no recollection of it.
03:23:03.000 And it's from 20 years ago.
03:23:04.000 It's like, what?
03:23:05.000 Is that really me?
03:23:06.000 Like, what is that?
03:23:07.000 Strange, man.
03:23:09.000 You know, when you look at Last Comic Standing, how many years ago was that?
03:23:12.000 Seven.
03:23:13.000 No, eight.
03:23:14.000 Does it freak you out when you go back and watch it?
03:23:16.000 Yeah.
03:23:17.000 It's like, what happened?
03:23:18.000 I'm like, look at that fucking grill.
03:23:20.000 Look at that 2010 grill.
03:23:22.000 And now...
03:23:23.000 A grill?
03:23:25.000 My teeth.
03:23:25.000 What kind of grill did you have?
03:23:26.000 Oh, it was fucked up, bro.
03:23:28.000 Did you get them off feet?
03:23:28.000 Fuck, yeah.
03:23:29.000 I got those fucking teeth all removed.
03:23:31.000 And I put a little nice...
03:23:33.000 Dude, so those are man-made teeth?
03:23:36.000 These are man-made teeth that I just put in my mouth.
03:23:38.000 They look delicious.
03:23:39.000 Oh yeah, dude.
03:23:40.000 My last teeth, bro, they were like separated by birth, bro.
03:23:44.000 These fucking teeth didn't want to get along, bro.
03:23:47.000 They were like four different gangs.
03:23:49.000 How long did it take to get your teeth all fixed like that?
03:23:51.000 At first, I was trying to get the screw in my mouth to put in good fake teeth and screw them on.
03:24:00.000 But then my guns were too weak from meth and crack smoking.
03:24:05.000 So I could have spit my tooth out.
03:24:07.000 I didn't need them to pull them out.
03:24:09.000 Really?
03:24:09.000 So they just numbed me and they took all four teeth out.
03:24:13.000 Then they shaved my mouth.
03:24:15.000 I don't know what they're called.
03:24:18.000 And they took my teeth out.
03:24:20.000 They made a mold of my mouth with four perfect teeth, and they just glued it to my mouth.
03:24:28.000 Glued it?
03:24:29.000 Yeah.
03:24:29.000 So those are glued in place right now?
03:24:31.000 Yeah.
03:24:31.000 For how long does that glue last?
03:24:33.000 Well, to as long as I keep them good.
03:24:36.000 It just cemented there.
03:24:37.000 It's permanently forever.
03:24:39.000 Wow!
03:24:41.000 With glue?
03:24:41.000 Real veneers, bro.
03:24:42.000 Look.
03:24:43.000 It looks great.
03:24:45.000 You look fantastic.
03:24:47.000 Before, my kids were fucked up, I would bite an apple, and it looked like three people bit it.
03:24:53.000 And it was blood.
03:24:55.000 Blood.
03:24:56.000 I was like, fuck, bro.
03:24:58.000 People would make fun of me.
03:25:00.000 Dog, you floss with rope or what?
03:25:02.000 It was bad, dog.
03:25:03.000 So meth is bad for your gums.
03:25:05.000 Meth is bad.
03:25:06.000 Crack is bad, too.
03:25:07.000 Bad for the gums.
03:25:09.000 Makes sense.
03:25:10.000 So you want to avoid bad teeth, snort the drugs you do.
03:25:14.000 Yeah.
03:25:15.000 And doesn't that fuck your teeth up too?
03:25:16.000 Doesn't that thing with cokeheads, they always get jacked up teeth because the coke gets in your mouth, still gets in there.
03:25:22.000 Somehow.
03:25:23.000 Yeah.
03:25:24.000 It's going down your throat, you're coughing.
03:25:27.000 It's in your mouth.
03:25:28.000 You got those healthy crackheads.
03:25:29.000 I brush after every puff.
03:25:31.000 That's a good move.
03:25:32.000 You got to take a swig of Listerine.
03:25:34.000 Alright, Felipe, we're already like way over three hours, right?
03:25:38.000 Yeah.
03:25:39.000 Crazy, bro.
03:25:40.000 Crazy, bro.
03:25:41.000 What's up, fool?
03:25:43.000 That blunt we smoked at the beginning.
03:25:45.000 Hell yeah, the OG Louis 13 right there.
03:25:47.000 Had me baffled.
03:25:47.000 Yeah, this is...
03:25:48.000 We didn't smoke this, though.
03:25:49.000 He lighted it up.
03:25:50.000 This Jamie Vernon blunt with the glass tips.
03:25:53.000 Can I mention I'm going to be in Jacksonville this week?
03:25:56.000 You certainly can, Felipe Esparza.
03:25:58.000 I'm going to be in Jacksonville at the Comedy Zone this week, and at the end of the month, I'll be at the Brea Improv.
03:26:05.000 And check out my dates at Felipe's World dot com slash tour.
03:26:09.000 Go see Felipe.
03:26:10.000 He's a monster.
03:26:11.000 And check out the What's Up Fool podcast, cocksucker.
03:26:13.000 What's Up Fool podcast, available on iTunes and everywhere podcasts are heard.
03:26:17.000 Man, your show, bro, being on your show, I always talk to people, you're like the Oprah Winfrey, bro.
03:26:23.000 Thank you.
03:26:24.000 Everybody, people come here, I'm not saying everybody, but just the people who are real, man.
03:26:31.000 They just, people sell shit, man.
03:26:33.000 You're like...
03:26:35.000 You're like where Howard Stern was.
03:26:37.000 You're like Oprah Howard Stern in a podcast, bro.
03:26:39.000 That's very nice of you to say.
03:26:41.000 For real, man.
03:26:41.000 You have power here, bro.
03:26:43.000 You could change votes.
03:26:45.000 I don't want to do that.
03:26:46.000 I just want to have some fun.
03:26:47.000 And we had some fun.
03:26:48.000 And I love the statement you said about the kids in the cages.
03:26:52.000 That was tight.
03:26:52.000 Oh, the immigration shit.
03:26:53.000 Yeah.
03:26:54.000 Thanks, man.
03:26:55.000 Thanks.
03:26:56.000 Thank you for everything, man.
03:26:57.000 My pleasure, brother.
03:26:58.000 Thanks for coming on.
03:26:58.000 I'm glad we did this.
03:26:59.000 Thank you, bro.
03:26:59.000 We'll do it again.
03:27:00.000 We'll do it again.
03:27:00.000 Felipe, ladies and gentlemen.
03:27:02.000 Go see him.
03:27:03.000 Bye.
03:27:04.000 I'm good to go.