In this episode, we talk about Ari Shfier's shenanigans in Legion of Skanks, the weight loss challenge, and much more. We also talk about some of the crazier things Ari has done in the past, and how he may have been planning to do more of them in the future. Also, we give our predictions on who might win the Weight Loss Challenge, and who might not. We hope you enjoy this episode and stay tuned for the next one! If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! Thanks for listening and Good Luck Out There! Timestamps: 1:00 - Ari's shenanigans 4:20 - Who's going to lose the Weight loss Challenge? 6:30 - Will Bert be able to beat Tom in the final round? 7:00 8:15 - Who will win the challenge? 9:15 11:30 12:40 - Who s going to come out on top? 14:00- Who's the favorite to win the competition? 15:20 16:40 17:00 -- Who's gonna be the one to beat Bert? 18:30 -- Who has the best chance to win? 19:40 -- Who do you think is going to win it? 22:20 -- Will Bert have the hardest day? 26:00 | What are you going to be the hardest to beat? 27:10 -- Is Ari's will be the best person to beat him? 29: What do you like? 32:00 Is he going to beat you? 31:00:00 What s your best chance? 35:00 Can you beat him next? 36:00 Do you have a better chance of winning? 37:00 Are you ready to lose? 39:00 Who's your favorite person? 40:00 Does he have the best shot? 45:00 Will he be the next guy to beat me? 47:00 Should I be the worst person to lose a bet? 44:00 How long enough to beat someone else? 46:00 Did you like him or not? 51:00 Would you like to lose more than you could beat me in the next episode? Theme song by Jeffree Stars? 56:00 / Theme by Ian Dorsch?
00:01:07.000He's definitely going to do some weird stuff to get ahead in this.
00:01:11.000But he also knows he's going to lose, too.
00:01:13.000Do you know what he did in Legion of Skanks?
00:01:15.000He shit in a box and brought it onto the stage and he had it like sealed up and then opened it in front of everybody and apparently the smell was like so horrendous people were bailing out of the room and gagging and throwing up.
00:02:10.000Look, the fact that he entered into this contest at all, and he doesn't work out at all for ten years, and then he's like, there's a fitness contest, and the loser has to do something.
00:02:19.000We haven't totally determined what the loser has to do.
00:02:22.000Ari wants us to, like, drink each other's piss.
00:04:48.000Yeah, you guys were talking about like who you think about when you're really trying to get past that point where you're either you're kickboxing or even on an elliptical.
00:05:31.000I'm excited to talk to you at the beginning of this when you're still pumped up about it and it's like you get a high from working out for three and a half hours a day.
00:05:38.000Seventeen days from now I'm going to be a beaten man.
00:05:49.000You know, did you ever see, there's a really interesting documentary with Eddie Izzard, and Eddie Izzard, who's not a guy and really good, did you see it?
00:05:56.000I didn't see it, but I know what he's done.
00:07:06.000I get obsessed with exercise, too, and I really get into it.
00:07:09.000I remember Louis C.K. doing some interview where he said that he runs five miles a day because on that fourth mile when he doesn't want to do the fifth, he thinks about a day where he'll be on set and want to just call it a day and not push through.
00:07:24.000Or you'll be in the middle of an hour set.
00:07:26.000And you'll be tired and you just, everything can relate to being on set or in the middle of a set and that run five miles a day, making yourself do that means you can get through anything.
00:07:37.000And so I run a lot and I have, I think of it the same way.
00:07:40.000It's just endurance to perform for an hour every night.
00:08:36.000You're forcing your mind to take control of your body and you're forcing your mind to ignore all of the aches and pains and all the desire to quit.
00:08:46.000That's what people say that run marathons.
00:09:08.000It was a month of my life every day, four hours a day dancing, and I've never danced before.
00:09:15.000But I didn't realize how mental it all really is.
00:09:20.000In the end, athletics, it's so mental.
00:09:24.000I didn't realize it because I've never been an athlete my whole life, but before I got into this competition, I was reading all the books about, well, I am where I am physically.
00:09:32.000That's not going to change, so I better figure out a way to mentally overcome some stuff.
00:09:37.000And I was able to, but man, it's all that.
00:09:41.000Yeah, I feel like a lot of times and it broke me in many ways mentally and physically But it was I mean it was my sober October for sure It was my you working out every single day and giving it trying to beat Burt.
00:09:54.000It's definitely not easy There's nothing...
00:09:57.000I did a bunch of dancing lessons for a movie that I was in called Zookeeper with Kevin James way back in the day.
00:11:34.000When I walked into this, no one's ever been like, you've got rhythm, girl.
00:11:38.000No one's No one's ever given me even the slightest nudge towards any kind of playing, you know, having any musical ability or having any dance ability.
00:11:48.000If anything, I've been shamed my whole life.
00:11:50.000And then they asked me to do this literally my whole life.
00:13:28.0003,000 times out loud in the makeup chair all day walking around slowly going from this kind of injury walking like in the morning to okay I'm strong I'm prepared this is easy and then I then at the end of the day I was I danced on live TV and I cured myself mentally it was insane dude but They were so mean to me.
00:13:51.000Especially Len Goodman, the British old cranky judge.
00:14:44.000So it's so funny to me because I took on this challenge being like, the worst that could happen is that I get eliminated first, which I surely won't do because I can't be that bad.
00:15:02.000I got made fun of on TV. I got eliminated first.
00:15:06.000And you know, like, being on a reality show, like, have you done a reality show where it's like...
00:15:11.000And the next, the first contestant eliminated from the show, and then there's a spotlight on you, and I'm staring at the stage, just a slat in the stage.
00:15:22.000I'm just staring there being like, they're going to say Nikki and Glob.
00:17:17.000But, if now you have this in your head, and you decide to take dancing lessons, and you do it on a regular basis, just once, twice a week for a year, you could be fucking amazing by the time next year rolls around.
00:17:29.000I really, I gotta see if they allow people to enter a second time.
00:18:46.000And then there was also conflict because one of the guys who was a producer was also a manager of some of the people that were on the show.
00:19:37.000Because during that show, they decided this one guy who was winning, they decided it was a great thing to have him keep winning, and so they rigged the show.
00:19:44.000And because of that, there's actual federal laws about how you organize and run game shows.
00:19:51.000There's real laws behind this kind of stuff.
00:19:53.000So now that's why I think I can't go back.
00:24:24.000I would never have done stand-up comedy had someone not been like, you should be a comedian.
00:24:27.000I was desperate for anyone to give me any kind of direction.
00:24:31.000And then one person says it, one ophthalmologist says it, and then it becomes your career.
00:24:36.000And that's why I always try to just tell...
00:24:39.000When I see people like something in someone, I try to say that because you don't know if you're the one person that's going to get them to go do it.
00:27:16.000I'm working on a bit about encouraging people early on because I do look at the people that told me you should be a comedian right before I tried it because I was going to be an actress and then I was like...
00:27:26.000I'm not really good at this, and I don't care enough to get good at it.
00:27:31.000I see what it takes to be great at being an actress, and I was just like, I don't want to do that.
00:27:36.000But then someone was like, you're funny, you should try stand-up, and then that was like, oh, I care enough about this to go through the worst of it and get good.
00:27:44.000But I've been exploring recently on stage blowjobs I've been talking through, and I think it's the same thing because I'm not great at them.
00:27:54.000I've never been like, wow, you're the best at this.
00:27:57.000And I've never been a girl who's like, I love giving blowjobs.
00:28:00.000And I've always heard girls, there are some girls that say that, like, I love sucking dick.
00:28:25.000But now I realize that the difference between me and those girls is that those girls, the first time they gave a blowjob, I guarantee, or one of the first times, the guy was like, you're amazing at this.
00:28:37.000You're really good at this because when a girl is told or anyone is told early on the first time they do something they're like, you have a natural talent at this.
00:30:24.000Oh my god, my friend recently, because we've talked a lot about, me and my friend have talked a lot about how we just are insecure that we're bad at blowjobs and we've taken classes at Babeland or all these things.
00:30:52.000I just, it's just not getting through to me.
00:30:54.000I just, I haven't, I try, and I'm not like bad at them.
00:30:58.000Like, I don't think I'm bad at them, but I just, I think I always was apprehensive because I think the first thing I heard about blowjobs was that the first complaint I would hear around me was too much teeth.
00:31:08.000And I've always had like really big teeth.
00:31:29.000So anyway, but my friend said that she learned this new trick where when she's hooking up, she'll do a roleplay of like, will you teach me how to do a blowjob?
00:31:37.000But she's actually like wanting them to teach her.
00:31:39.000And so it's a hot thing where like she gets to roleplay, but she honestly doesn't know and gets and then the guy tells her exactly what to do.
00:31:47.000And then if she messes up, it's like part of the character as opposed to her being bad at blowjobs.
00:31:52.000So that's my next thing I'm going to try, I think.
00:32:25.000And I hate being pegged, no pun intended, as, like, a sex comic, but, like, I don't...
00:32:33.000Because I just did this ABC show, Dancing with the Stars, and the whole time I'm trying to be on my very best behavior because I want to play the game.
00:34:10.000Do you remember when there was this ridiculous time just a few years ago where they were trying to push this narrative that if you have sex with someone who's been drinking that you're a rapist?
00:34:53.000If you get in a fight, you're responsible.
00:34:54.000You're responsible during all those things.
00:34:57.000But somehow or another, if you and a person are exchanging pleasure Then you are not responsible for your actions and you can't consent to that because you've been drinking.
00:36:16.000I realize that I'm not having sex, and it's not fun.
00:36:20.000I'm hooking up with ex-boyfriends, which, you know, that's because there's no pressure there of like, this is new, and am I going to catch feelings?
00:36:27.000It's like they've already been had, or they'll bubble up again.
00:36:48.000And I ask the crowd sometimes, I'm like, have you guys ever, who here has had sex for the first time with someone where both of you were stone cold sober?
00:40:36.000What was interesting about it was the dreams, first of all, because the dreams come hard and fast when you're off the weed.
00:40:45.000Because apparently I talked to this guy, Dr. Matthew Walker, who's a dream specialist, and he was on the podcast discussing the importance of sleep, sleep specialists, I should say.
00:40:56.000But he was saying that marijuana impedes certain aspects of REM sleep, which is when you do all your dreaming.
00:41:03.000So when you get off the marijuana, your brain apparently makes up for lost time and hits you with some crazy fucking dreams.
00:41:12.000Talking frogs and fucking unicorns and roller coasters that go straight to heaven and like fucking bananas dreams.
00:42:33.000And there's like this part of that life that That, you know, it's so attractive because it's just like this wild, loose, carefree, rebellious, figured-out-tomorrow life.
00:43:09.000There's something to it, but it's really a matter of your own personality and discipline It's like how much and how much of an addict are you like what how much what is it?
00:43:20.000What holes are missing in your brain that get filled up with that booze and that like once you take the booze away, there's like this gaping Chasm that you need to fill you know, what is that?
00:45:48.000Maybe it's circumstantial a little bit, like maybe I'm feeling lonely that day, or I didn't get a thing that I wanted, or I... But I really do think it's like the weather.
00:46:44.000People who love me and care about me get so upset when I talk about this, but I think that more people struggle with these thoughts than talk about, so I'm eager to share it because I don't think I'm ever going to kill myself, and I don't think that that's...
00:46:55.000But I think that, like a lot of people, I'm at risk.
00:46:59.000And I don't think that people talk about that enough.
00:47:19.000Did you have don't eat because you thought you were overweight or don't eat because you thought you'd be more attractive if you looked like a rail?
00:48:03.000So I grew up thinking, skinny equals more lovable.
00:48:08.000And then I lost weight just because my senior year I lost weight because a boy liked me that I liked, who I liked back, and I was very nervous about it.
00:48:15.000You know when you just get nervous so you don't eat that day?
00:50:43.000I stopped weighing myself because it was so dangerous to get attached to a number, but the last time I remember weighing myself, I was 98 pounds.
00:50:51.000That was when I was admitted to a psych ward when I was 18. And how tall are you?
00:51:36.000It's, and that's the way people, and I see girls like that now, and I do the same thing that people used to say to me, which is like, just eat a sandwich, bitch.
00:51:46.000I know you can't say that, but I don't even relate to the person I was when I wasn't eating, because The only way I can say is I could not eat.
00:55:04.000I was a shy kid in high school when I was not anorexic.
00:55:07.000But then when I needed to make friends, because I went to school alone, I was like, oh, I'll just develop this really over-the-top personality so people don't notice that I'm so thin.
00:56:00.000And you feel very in control of it and you feel like you're the one to blame for it because you're the one that's choosing not to eat and you're the one that's choosing to exercise.
00:56:08.000And so I felt all this shame about, like, why can't I cure myself?
00:56:14.000Why am I giving myself this thing that's ruining my life?
00:56:17.000And then this therapist was like, think of it as like cancer.
00:57:07.000It was a mixture of comedy and also therapy that got me out of it.
00:57:12.000They say that with alcoholics, too, that that's one of the reasons why alcoholics, when they talk about it, they talk about it like it's a disease.
00:57:18.000And people who aren't alcoholics, who are judgmental, go, it's not a fucking disease.
00:58:02.000I had seen so many doctors, but until that one guy told me to think of it and like literally did the thing where he put a chair in the corner of the room and was like, talk to your disease.
00:59:22.000I think I'm still so angry about it and there's still pieces of it that I'm like, how did I get this and how did I have to save myself instead of someone else coming in and saving me?
00:59:42.000It's very hard for someone to convince someone you need to stop drinking or you need to get your shit together or you need to do this or you need to do that.
00:59:48.000You need to hit your own bottom, I know.
00:59:51.000But you know, I feel like, yeah, you just...
00:59:58.000There's still just things about it that are really painful to me.
01:00:01.000And I think that when I am dealing with something like that on stage, I think the pain still shows and I can't be funny with it yet because I'm still so angry.
01:00:10.000I think I'm still just like angry about it because I also feel like I'm still a victim to body dysmorphia like crazy like that's my new thing.
01:00:20.000We're like, I'll just see something in the mirror that I'm like, well, yesterday you felt the opposite.
01:00:25.000I'll go from in a 24 hour time frame from being like, you're fat.
01:00:30.000I'll like look in the mirror and be like, you're fat.
01:00:32.000And then the next day I'll be like, you're too thin.
01:00:34.000And I'm like, well, those two things can't be possible within 24 hours of themselves.
01:00:41.000So, I mean, I'm still dealing with stuff like that, and I want to be on the other side of it and be able to tell girls, like, you're beautiful and your body doesn't matter, and it's what's up here that counts.
01:00:50.000But I'm not there yet, so I don't know how to really talk about it.
01:01:02.000I think everybody's got their own weird thing that's causing them to have issues, whether it's to be an alcoholic or to be addicted to whatever you're addicted to.
01:01:13.000You have to figure out the person and then figure out how this disease or whatever it is is sort of interfaced with that person.
01:01:22.000And what is it that happened to you that made this This thing attractive, where it fits into your slots and distracts you from all the things that are freaking you the fuck out about your existence.
01:01:38.000It was so simple that like, oh, when people are anorexic, you tell them this and then they go, oh, okay.
01:01:44.000I mean, if there was like a protocol that you could just Establish right away, oh, you just gotta take these steps and then you'll be fixed.
01:05:22.000But I just know that that's on the horizon, that attention from men and women and just society will start to wane and you'll become more invisible physically to other people.
01:05:35.000And I just hope at that point I don't give a fuck.
01:05:38.000And so that's when I'm running at that, trying to like myself enough on the inside, which I really have gotten so far ahead of what I thought I could ever do in terms of loving myself and working on myself and getting sober and all the things.
01:05:53.000But I still feel like it's not enough.
01:05:56.000I still deal with insecurities and I'm like, God damn it.
01:06:00.000I'm aging, and I'm supposed to not feel this.
01:06:04.000I'm supposed to not care that I'm aging as much.
01:06:06.000I don't want to be one of these women that hates aging.
01:06:09.000I just don't want to be it, and I'm kind of...
01:06:11.000Well, you have to be very careful in your fear of aging.
01:07:15.000You're looking through your eyes, and light is refracted through your lenses and your cornea, and you're seeing things, and I know that if I reach, I can grab this can, and it's right there.
01:07:39.000And I think the wider you get away from that and one of the best ways to do that is psychedelic drugs.
01:07:46.000Psychedelic drugs are one of the very best ways to broaden your perspective because the experience is so titanically alien and so giant and connects you to the entire universe itself that when you come back down to Earth...
01:08:01.000It seems so preposterous and then you see this dance that everybody's involved in you know with putting on fake butts and and fucking getting your lips done and all the chaos that people are doing just to try to attract more sexual attention and Knowing that this is so so such a short period of time one of the things that freaks me out is what I call monster face It's when women get their face pulled back so far that their mouth looks like it's bigger because they've been doing this and so it looks like they just open their mouth up like venom and
01:08:31.000fucking get your whole head in there and chop your fucking head off.
01:08:44.000You're describing like a deep sea monster, a deep sea fish.
01:08:47.000Yeah, and then they shoot things into their cheeks to make their cheeks puff up because it eliminates some of the wrinkles, but then it looks like you've been beaten up.
01:08:54.000You literally look like you got fucking stung with a swarm of bees.
01:08:59.000Well, it also doesn't work because there's a thing called the Fibonacci sequence, and when you look at a person's face, there's a golden ratio of the nose to the eyes to the chin, and as soon as you fuck with anything, as soon as you switch one of those up, like lips, you're like, hey!
01:09:12.000Like, if you look at, say, like, Serena Williams, her lips match her face.
01:09:26.000And when you get a nose job, and you're supposed to have a big nose, people look at you like, what the fuck is going on?
01:09:31.000If you have a Persian face, like a big, robust Persian face, but you have this little fucking pixie Irish nose, people are like, what the fuck is going on with her face?
01:11:10.000And they would say, hey man, have you ever done mushrooms?
01:11:13.000And hey man, have you ever heard of DMT? And then there's a few different things that would happen and you would be around these people who had gone to jail for it or that were like real psychedelic heads.
01:11:24.000And once I was around a few of those, I realized, well, there's a whole other world out there.
01:11:31.000Timothy Leary and John Lilly and this the flotation tank became a giant part of my life and then You know Terrence McKenna and Dennis McKenna and all the the various psychedelic wizards that are out there that have been sort of Expressing that there's there's a whole world out there that you're not seeing It's like we're living life inside this very strange tent This very thin membrane tent.
01:11:59.000And if you just unzip that tent and step out, the entire wilderness of the universe exists.
01:12:05.000But most people live their life inside this very thin walled tent.
01:12:09.000And they think that that tent sort of defines the actual universe itself when it's so small and so limited.
01:12:17.000Is there a chance that you open that tent and you don't like what you see and now you've fucked your whole life up?
01:12:23.000Because I think that's most people's apprehension about...
01:12:47.000The argument is correlation or causation, right?
01:12:50.000And the argument is, do psychedelic drugs cause mental illness or do a certain amount of people already have mental illness?
01:12:59.000And I think it's much more likely that the percentage of people that are schizophrenic remains static.
01:13:06.000Because if you look at it, the number of people who smoke marijuana who are also schizophrenic mirrors the number of people who are schizophrenic, period.
01:13:16.000So it's not that marijuana causes schizophrenia.
01:13:19.000It's a one out of a hundred or whatever the number is.
01:13:23.000And for those people, it's critical that they avoid psychedelic drugs, that they avoid marijuana, and probably even alcohol or maybe a bunch of other psychotropic drugs as well.
01:14:00.000And then there's the question, the other part of your question is, is it possible you could open that tent and not like what you see and fuck up your life?
01:14:09.000Even if you don't have schizophrenia or a mental disorder, you might have a view of the world that's untenable with the experience that you have under the influence of psychedelics.
01:14:20.000But that might mean that your view of the world is bullshit.
01:14:24.000And you've been living your life with this fucking Norman Rockwell nonsense floating around your head because you've been so influenced by media, by songs, and by television shows, and by, you know, I want to live like the kids on Friends.
01:15:06.000Matthew Perry looks like he's been to hell and back.
01:15:09.000Like that motherfucker went headfirst into a sandstorm and he got his face ripped off like he's been just doing meth every day and smoking cigarettes, one lighting the other from the time he's awake until the time he goes to sleep.
01:15:52.000I've talked about this many times in the podcast, that this business is nuts because it takes people that are insecure already and then puts them in a position where they have to get chosen for things.
01:16:01.000So you have to audition and people have to decide whether they like you.
01:18:40.000Not enough to really have a good trip.
01:18:42.000Even though it was a small amount, it was still a bad experience?
01:18:44.000It was just bad because I was hanging out with two people, a couple that got into a fight while I was with them, and they kicked me out onto the street in New York City.
01:19:27.000And I remember I called my parents because I just felt like the way that smoking weed is portrayed in movies where it's like, whoa, things coming at you.
01:20:02.000But I just went home and chugged a bottle of wine because I was like, I want to feel something else other than this because I felt too much.
01:20:08.000I felt a lot of love and that scared me.
01:20:35.000This was not a good time in my life to be doing psychedelics.
01:20:39.000But now, I think I've read enough about them, and I'm like, you know, there are soldiers that have PTSD that go through talk therapy for years and have minimal amounts of progress.
01:21:48.000Like I couldn't read like I was trying to read a magazine the next day I couldn't read and then I had to perform that night and I kind of ate shit on stage and But I'll never forget the lessons from the experience.
01:22:01.000It was really powerful like it really illuminated how much insecurity hinders you and inhibits your ability to communicate with people and flavors how you interact with people and how much of you know my own Aggression and the way I would interact with people was basically just me being scared.
01:22:37.000Well, you know, when I was young, I was super insecure.
01:22:40.000My parents split up when I was really young, and then we moved around a lot, so I didn't have like a base of friends, and then I found martial arts when I was a young teenager.
01:23:10.000So my identity was that I was really good at martial arts.
01:23:13.000And so to be really good at martial arts, especially in competition, You have to be very aggressive, you have to be ruthless, and you have to embrace this sort of...
01:23:30.000There's an undeniable violence in kicking someone in the head.
01:24:11.000I wasn't a bad person who was beating people up or anything like that, but I was ready to go all the time.
01:24:20.000It was always around any corner, there might be something, the next person might say the wrong thing, and you might realize you're going to have to fight them, or whatever it was.
01:26:37.000I hadn't done it in about a year and a half to two years.
01:26:40.000And then we did DMT three or four times.
01:26:45.000We did a trip, and then we went back in, and then we went back in again.
01:26:49.000I can't remember if it was three or four times, but it was...
01:26:52.000It just made me realize, like, oh yeah, okay, this is just, the world that you're living in is like a thin veneer over this gigantic, impossible realm.
01:27:08.000That's the realm of souls and of love and expectation and understanding and information and that that's what the universe is made of and that you're sort of trapped in this very strange rudimentary tactile existence where you can pick things up and put them on scales and you can measure things with a ruler but the rest of the universe is not made of that stuff.
01:27:31.000The rest of the universe is made out of ideas.
01:27:33.000The rest of the universe is made out of thoughts and there's dimensions that you can't travel to with your feet and with a car and with a plane.
01:27:43.000Like there's portals that you go through and these portals are chemical portals and your brain literally is wired for these.
01:27:50.000Not only that, your brain produces dimethyltryptamine, which is the most potent of all psychedelics.
01:27:55.000It's literally made by the human body.
01:28:13.000You know, there's a group out of New Mexico called the Cottonwood Research Foundation, and they're doing these tests on all sorts of tests to...
01:28:25.000Find out the source of DMT. And they've isolated it in the pineal gland of rats.
01:28:30.000And this is the first time they've ever shown it in a live rat that exists in the pineal gland.
01:28:35.000The pineal gland is literally your third eye.
01:28:37.000Like that thing from Eastern mysticism, like this right here.
01:28:46.000And this is, the Egyptians would call it the seed of the soul.
01:28:51.000And this one spot in your head is producing the most potent psychedelic chemical known to man.
01:28:57.000As well as it's produced by your liver and your lungs.
01:29:00.000Like, your body's a psychedelic chemical factory.
01:29:02.000And this one psychedelic chemical, they believe, and there's been some recent research, there was a recent paper that was put out that showed that they think that during periods of extreme stress, like with periods if your body's convinced that you might be dying or that there's something happening,
01:29:18.000that you may be releasing this psychedelic chemical.
01:29:21.000So it might be the portal to the afterlife.
01:29:24.000Like, it might be the way that carries your consciousness through to the next dimension when your body passes.
01:29:56.000So when you describe it, it's so crude.
01:29:58.000The way I've described it is you enter into another dimension filled with complex geometric patterns that are made out of love and understanding.
01:31:17.000It was like a big deep breath, and it was like, oh, it's going to be okay.
01:31:22.000The last time I did a real serious psychedelic trip, I've done a little bit of acid, a little bit of mushrooms, but the last time, a serious one was right before I filmed Triggered.
01:32:31.000All the stuff that we're seeing going on right now socially, whether it's the Me Too movement or whether it is, you know, social justice warriors and people who are woke and crying out racism, all this bubbling up of our culture is all this recognition of this ability to communicate,
01:32:48.000this radical new ability to express your ideas that is being done by some people that are irresponsible, some people that are very responsible, but everyone gets a shot.
01:34:10.000And we're figuring it out in real time, at a radical pace that's never existed before in human history.
01:34:15.000Where something that was acceptable just 10-15 years ago is completely unacceptable now.
01:34:21.000There's never been a time like that before.
01:34:23.000Never been a time in the entire world Since people started talking, there's never been a time where change is taking place at such a radical pace.
01:35:54.000There's a lot of bad signals, you know, where you're racist if you wear a kimono.
01:35:58.000There's a lot of really dumb, bad signals.
01:36:01.000But there's also a lot of exchange, and it'll all work itself out.
01:36:07.000We just have to be really careful we don't lynch a lot of people along the way.
01:36:11.000We don't get convinced that our ideas are 100% the way things should be, and that we listen to all these various ideas, whether it's ideas about Trans people or gay people or women or men or anybody.
01:36:27.000It's super important now that people think before they act and that they think before they cast judgment.
01:36:35.000We have to communicate because things are fucking flying at us like fish coming down a river and you're trying to catch them with your hands.
01:38:00.000Yeah, I mean, I have a radio show every day that I do, and even sitting here now, I'm like, oh, what am I going to regret saying?
01:38:09.000And I've just gotten to a point where it's like, I will apologize if I say something stupid and wrong and it offends someone, and I really feel bad about it, but like...
01:38:17.000I have to just lead from a place of like, at this point in my life, I know I'm a good person.
01:38:22.000I don't think I'm a secret psychopath, which I think a lot of us are always like, am I a bad person deep down?
01:38:56.000I see people and I go, why can't I just be like her?
01:38:59.000Why can't I just be smiling and friendly?
01:39:01.000Be smiling and say funny, nice things that don't offend anyone, but also everyone likes what you say, and it still gets people jazzed up, but you're not offending anyone.
01:39:11.000It doesn't feel good to offend people, and I say things all the time that do, and I'm not going to stop because I just can't.
01:39:19.000But you're offending people but also making a large amount laugh.
01:39:23.000See, the problem is if you have 100 people in the room and 10 of them get offended, 90 of them are fucking slapping the table and laughing their ass off.
01:40:28.000And when you both hate someone together and you get to send each other their snap screenshots of their Instagram and be like, look how sad this bitch is.
01:40:36.000When really, I'm just seeing myself in her.
01:41:25.000Where you only talk about one person in them.
01:41:28.000We only go to that mass text to talk shit about that one person.
01:41:32.000Have you ever sent a text to someone that you were talking shit about to the person?
01:41:38.000No, but there are stories of people sending like...
01:41:42.000This one girl the other day told me in a makeup chair, she was like, oh, I once sent...
01:41:46.000Someone, a text about someone at work that we were currently working with that was like, blah, blah, blah, blah is a fat piece of shit today.
01:41:54.000Can't believe she would wear that dress.
01:42:06.000Just slipped up, sent it to the wrong person.
01:42:07.000I'm just telling you, Joe, be careful.
01:42:09.000Because we're all capable of, when you write that name, when you're writing a name in a text, it's so easy to just, that person is probably in your phone, too.
01:43:01.000When you find out, for a guy, when you find out that a friend of yours is talking shit about you to a girl you're dating, you're like, whoa.
01:43:09.000Oh, and that happens a lot, because guys...
01:43:12.000I've had that happen to me with guys, where it's like, watch out for this guy.
01:44:41.000You're jealous of something about them.
01:44:43.000That's generally, for me, what it is, at the root of it, if I'm going to be honest.
01:44:46.000I recently got busted talking shit about someone and it got back to me from another friend and I wrote the girl and I go, I'm just jealous of you.
01:44:55.000You're cool and you're who I want to be and I want to be friends with you and you didn't seem to want to be friends with me so I decided I hated you and that you weren't to be trusted and I told people that and it wasn't true.
01:46:39.000I literally have to unfollow girls sometimes who I'm friends with, who are comedians, who are my peers and who I respect and think they're funny.
01:46:49.000If I see that they're just like, I'm working a lot right now and they're putting it out there that they're like really busy with work and I just got kicked off dancing with the stars.
01:50:19.000I heard you talking about that the other day of like now that you've done your special ones out and like watching it now you come up with new tags and you're like oh god!
01:50:53.000It seems to be I develop a full solid hour in a year and then I hammer that motherfucker like a samurai sword for the next eight months and then I film it and then four months later it airs and then I start from scratch.
01:51:05.000Is that Kardashian bet in the new special?
01:51:23.000One of the things that I've been using over the last couple of years, I always write in Microsoft Word and shit like that, but I use this program called Scrivener that I really like.
01:51:32.000And the reason why I really like it, especially when I'm doing new stuff, is the way it's set up.
01:52:20.000So this is, with this in Scrivener, if you see here, this is all my new stuff.
01:52:25.000So these are all the categories, and I click on each category, and when I go to each category, I have all the material that I've written out about each category.
01:52:33.000All I just saw in caps was, it's not cool to kick robots.
01:54:28.000But, when I did that, I was like, watching the video, I was like, you know what, I should really videotape everything.
01:54:33.000I should watch a video because it's so much more immersive than just audio.
01:54:38.000You know, you only get so much out of audio.
01:54:41.000I kind of know my expressions and all the different things that I'm doing, but when I see them, I go, oh, it's better if I move like this, or it's better if I pause there, it's better if I raise my eyebrows, it's better if I look concerned.
01:54:53.000You don't realize how much of Comedy is the physical thing.
01:54:59.000Until you do watch it, you're so right.
01:55:00.000And you're right about writing it down.
01:55:02.000Anytime I've had to do a transcript, because I don't write anything down longhand, but when I've had to do a transcript for a Tonight Show or Just for Laughs festival and see it, then you start writing new tags and you're like, all this took was from me.
01:58:14.000I mean, I know you probably have people come in and clean, but if you're in a hotel room over the weekend and don't have a maid service, what are we looking at?
02:00:34.000But it is interesting to me because I would have thought you were very meticulous with, like, organization and wasted a lot of time organizing things, and I like that you don't.
02:00:46.000There has to be, look, if you're a comic, right, and if you're good, especially, I think there's a certain amount of you that has to be impulsive.
02:00:53.000It has to be reckless and impulsive, and you have to be, like, one move away from ruining your life all the time.
02:01:00.000But you have to keep it under control.
02:01:02.000It's like you have a wolf and you have it behind this flimsy chain link fence that you're just like, I'm going to wire this fucking shut and I'm going to go to work and I hope the wolf doesn't get out.
02:01:11.000That's literally what it's got to be like.
02:01:13.000But then you also have to have discipline.
02:01:14.000And I think those two counterbalance each other.
02:01:17.000And one of the things that's helped my act tremendously over the last few years...
02:01:22.000I think Triggered was my best special ever and I think this one is better than that.
02:01:27.000I think Strange Times is better than Triggered.
02:01:29.000And one of the things that over the last three or four years that I've really concentrated on is this process.
02:01:34.000The process of organizing and being very meticulous about like how I structure my material and then doing a lot of sets too.
02:01:43.000You got to do that and then fuck around and go on stage drunk.
02:02:33.000Like, people have always thought of comedians as being, like, sad people, or drunks, or messy people, or not disciplined, don't have their shit together, but why?
02:04:42.000There's no way else you're coming up with the kind of fucked up shit that you and I say on stage that you say in front of a bunch of people.
02:04:50.000And then you hit it with a tagline and then you take it to another place.
02:05:08.000I bet less crazy than the average person because we're free to express ourselves.
02:05:11.000The average person has to live this fucking bizarre contained life where you show up the same place every day, do something you don't want to do every day with a bunch of people you probably don't even like.
02:05:23.000And you're all backstabbing and weird with each other and you're just doing it for a paycheck.
02:05:29.000You know, and you're spending the majority of your time here on this heavenly body hurling through infinity, doing something you don't want to do.
02:05:47.000You go on stage in the main room and you fucking crush and you say, thank you, goodnight, and everybody goes, ah!
02:05:55.000That feeling of making all those people happy, they went out, they got babysitters, they got together, they dressed up, they went to dinner, they got to the comedy store, they ordered drinks, they sat down there and you fulfilled their expectations.
02:06:12.000You gave them what they wanted to see and I've seen you do it and that feeling that you get when that happens, it's indescribable.
02:07:14.000But it just never seemed like an option to me.
02:07:16.000Like, I didn't even, like, look at stand-ups like, oh, that's something I could ever...
02:07:20.000I don't think anybody does until you do it.
02:07:22.000There's some people that are like, what I grew up all I did was I memorized comedy and I performed it for my class and I memorized people's stand-up.
02:07:29.000It was never even something I paid attention to until people were like, you should do it.
02:07:33.000I paid attention to it and I could do routines.
02:07:36.000I liked SNL and Conan and everything, but stand-up I was never really aware of.
02:07:40.000What was your exposure to it early on?
02:07:44.000Well, when I was about, I think I was 13 or 14, my parents took me to see live on the Sunset Strip.
02:08:01.000And that moment when I was in that audience watching that and in dying laughing and looking around I remember I really really distinctly remember looking not just looking at the screen but looking at all the people that were just like slapping the chair and moving around and holding their chest and Thinking how insane is it that this guy can do this that this guy can just talk and just through talking He's making me laugh way harder than any movie
02:08:33.000And I think that movie came out, I think Live at the Sunset Show came out around the same time as Stripes, which is one of my all-time favorite comedies.
02:08:42.000But I remember thinking, why isn't Stripes as funny as that guy talking?
02:08:46.000How insane is this thing that this guy can do?
02:09:38.000Like, it's universally accepted that if you go to see, you know, fill in the blank, Dave Chappelle, whoever it is that's killing, Bill Burr, when they're on stage smashing, that that's probably the funniest thing you could ever experience.
02:09:52.000So the art form itself is, to me, like...
02:09:56.000It's the craziest, most dynamic art form.
02:10:00.000It's that we stand up there with a microphone and talk into it, and that's all we have.
02:10:04.000There are times where I'm on stage and I'm like, how are you doing this?
02:10:08.000You have that moment that other people say to you all the time, like, how do you just...
02:10:59.000I'm just like watching these dancers like how did you just do like that?
02:11:03.000That took me months to learn and you just taught it to this girl in three minutes for her to fill in for me to do the camera block like it was just like I couldn't but yet you that is the thing of the wonder of like I just can't I don't even know what that's like to do but I of course do you play any instrument?
02:11:35.000But I think that what you're seeing, whether it's in music or going to see a great comic or anything, what you're seeing is these portals for expression.
02:11:46.000And the more they concentrate on that portal for expression, whether it's dancing or whether it's musicians or...
02:11:52.000Even someone making a film, the more they concentrate on those portals of expression, the better the message and the better the impact it's going to be for the people that are enjoying it, the people that watch it.
02:12:03.000And I think Paul Mooney told me that a long time ago when I was a young comic coming up and he was like the old sage at the comedy store.
02:12:11.000He goes, if you really want to get good at comedy, you want to go up and kill?
02:12:14.000He goes, you should go get entertained.
02:12:27.000Like you go see someone kick ass, right?
02:12:30.000When, you know, you go see someone sing and it's fucking amazing and you're like, God, that portal for expression.
02:12:38.000Like they've honed whatever message that's going to go through that portal and it reaches you.
02:12:44.000It's the result of hundreds if not thousands of hours of twisting and turning and hammering and sculpting and massaging and sanding and then you get to see it in this finished form.
02:13:07.000You saying that to me just now, it's like, I need to work harder at doing, like, it sounds stupid, but I need to go enjoy myself and be entertained more.
02:13:15.000You're absolutely right, because every time I do, I walk away from it, and I go and be a better comedian.
02:13:20.000Yeah, I think, well, Mooney, like I said, he told me that in the 90s.
02:14:32.000Like, I'll play, like, if there's a song that really cracks with me, I'll play that motherfucker on repeat in the background while I write.
02:14:39.000I'll just that one song just over and over again.
02:14:42.000And the song sort of like fades into the background and just gives you energy.
02:16:02.000I think you could definitely get too distracted when you're not concentrating on what you should be doing, but I also think you could get too focused, where you lose track of what it is.
02:17:29.000And I've never stopped paying attention to it or studying it or learning new moves or paying attention to new trends or, you know, watching fights or, you know, especially things that I don't necessarily practice as much.
02:17:42.000I'm interested in that, like watching different things that people do.
02:18:05.000And spiritual sounds ridiculous to people.
02:18:07.000Like, oh, you're shooting an arrow at an animal?
02:18:09.000You have to be so finely tuned with your senses and your skills and your abilities.
02:18:15.000And there's so much consequence on the line if you fuck up.
02:18:18.000And then the pressure is so immense that to me it's almost cleansing in its intensity and that I think doing difficult things makes doing other difficult things better.
02:18:36.000I think if you put yourself in a situation, this happens to certain comedians, They get really good, they get really famous, and then they only perform for their crowd, and they get soft.
02:18:59.000And I think one of the ways to keep your edge is to always be scared.
02:19:02.000So always do something that scares the shit out of you.
02:19:04.000Always do something that's nerve-wracking.
02:19:06.000Always do something that's difficult whether it's a martial art or it's learning to dance or learning an instrument or there's something that's something hard like for Bill Burr does he flies helicopters he plays the drums.
02:19:18.000I think things like that there I think those are critical.
02:19:22.000I think you need different and it almost like should be thought of as like a protocol Like cross-training.
02:19:27.000That you're not just going to do your discipline, but you're also going to be involved in other disciplines that they add to what you're doing.
02:19:39.000Yeah, I think that's what you're hitting on exactly why I said yes to Dancing with the Stars, which dancing is the thing that I know that I'm worst at, was because it's like, that's the scariest thing to me.
02:19:49.000And if I do that, then I can do so many other things that I'm also scared of, that I'm not as scared of as dancing.
02:21:55.000I don't think that liking dick makes you like pussy any less.
02:22:00.000If you're bisexual, it's not like you have an amount of liking other people's body parts to give out and you're giving half of that to dicks and half of that to pussies.
02:22:09.000I think you can like them both equally and be as excited by them in front of you.
02:23:14.000No, but I think, yeah, I'm into, I don't, I think that if, I'm not like, I don't look at women and go like, I want to fuck her, but if a girl was like super into me, I could totally date someone and fall in love with someone and like be in a romantic sexual relationship with a girl that would be just as gratifying as with a man.
02:23:34.000But she would have to be, she would have to be into me.
02:23:36.000Like, I think that's the thing that...
02:23:38.000I'm into men that aren't necessarily...
02:23:39.000Would you have to look a certain way, too?
02:25:04.000I made out with all my girlfriends before I ever kissed a guy because I was so scared of boys that the first time I got drunk I made out with all of my girlfriends because we wanted to kiss boys but we didn't have boys around who liked us.
02:26:52.000See, the problem is, I know so many closeted gay guys, and there's several stages to that.
02:26:58.000There's closeted gays that are out to their friends, which I have friends that are closeted gay that are out to their friends, but they're in the business, and so they're closeted.
02:28:08.000Yeah, and probably maybe even more because it's just such a stigma.
02:28:13.000Whenever there's a stigma to something, there's always going to be a bunch of people that are just in denial of it and just they're sad that they are and, you know, there's a lot of that.
02:30:10.000So when I see a guy on stage just say, like, really disgusting things about women and just hate women, I'm just like, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
02:31:07.000I think the thing about people that are living a lie is that they're always living in that lie and they can't see truth because they're spouting...
02:31:15.000I think if you lie all the time, like you're always not expressing yourself in an honest way, you get super confused and you don't know what it is.
02:31:42.000You're constantly justifying it and living in your head like that.
02:31:46.000Those comics, when they get outed and they're forced to write their own material, they fucking suck.
02:31:53.000They suck like a joke, like an open-miker or something, like someone who doesn't know how to do comedy.
02:31:59.000And they could have been doing comedy for 10, 15 years, but you'll see their material and compare it to the jokes they stole, and you're like, You're so right.
02:32:10.000To live a lie that bad, to steal material, you can't be actually a creative genius person in another way.
02:32:19.000It's a totally different kind of thinking.
02:36:00.000They get addicted to killing, you know?
02:36:02.000One of the things that happens, like when someone gets caught stealing, we were just talking about this the other day, was that when someone gets caught stealing and then you call them on it, they say, I won't do that again, and then you say, hey, you hear he just did your bit at the laugh factory?
02:36:16.000Like, that motherfucker, he said he would stop doing it.
02:36:47.000I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't do stand-up at night.
02:36:50.000I'm not jerking off in front of people, so I'm not at risk of losing that right now, but I don't think he thought he was at risk of losing that.
02:36:59.000Do you think it was just a matter of time?
02:37:01.000I mean, I know that maybe towards the end when everything was kind of blowing up around him with other men that he was maybe worried about it, but do you think he went years of like, I hope this doesn't come back?
02:39:27.000And you find that when you are yourself, as long as you're not hurting anybody, when you are yourself, you find people actually love you for it.
02:39:35.000Yeah, and they love the fact that you can be so brave that you can talk about all the different things that you love that other people might be scared of admitting.
02:42:27.000But when I did Dancing with the Stars, I really came out of it being like, I'm ready to eat some pussy now because I faced my fear of dancing in front of millions of people, which is like the scariest thing I've ever done on live TV. Anything could go wrong.
02:42:40.000And now I'm like, why am I so scared of a threesome?
02:42:43.000Because I think my thing about a threesome is I'm going to get into it and I'm going to be like, I don't want to be here and that I'll still have to go through with it.
02:42:55.000Which I do all the time now with hookups.
02:42:57.000I think that as a woman, we are so conditioned to think that men have to come at the end of it.
02:43:03.000There's the thing called blue balls and that if you've made out with a guy and gotten alone with a guy and you've decided to hook up with a guy and you're like, I'm getting naked with a guy, you have to go through the whole thing until he orgasms.
02:43:43.000Well then you better not tell me another one because you just said this is the last one I'll need.
02:43:47.000Even though you'll say that next year too.
02:43:49.000So there's endless things but I but my new thing is now like when I used to be so scared of hooking up with guys because I was like if I agree to kiss a guy alone in a room then I'm probably agreeing to have sex with him and then I don't even want to put myself in that scenario so I just didn't even kiss boys.
02:44:04.000See, that's something that a man doesn't have to fear, right?
02:44:06.000If a man is alone with a woman and he's making out with her in a room, he doesn't think like, oh my god, I have to satisfy her or she's going to be mad at me.
02:44:13.000Yeah, and it's not even about like, it is exactly what you're saying because I want to backtrack and say it's not about like he's going to force me to have sex with him.
02:46:33.000I hate being this woman, but if I'm going to get anything across to your listeners, because I sound like a hack 80s female comic right now, but more foreplay.
02:46:46.000I never thought I'd be a woman that says that.
02:48:32.000I want to give, like, sex TED Talks because I think that I could get men and women to have more sex and enjoy it more because I've just given this stuff so much thought, but I really hate being the girl to say more...
02:48:55.000And I'm also telling guys in the audience who I might fuck.
02:48:58.000Like, I'm hoping that there's a guy in the back of the room that I'm, like, into.
02:49:02.000You know, I've done that before, where there's, like, a guy I'm crushing on, and I know he's in the room, and I'm like, here's the handbook!
02:49:08.000Just, like, do some over-the-pants fingering.
02:50:16.000But yeah, it's every morning from 10 to 12 Eastern on Comedy Central Radio, Sirius XM, Channel 95. So you have to get up and be there every morning at 10 a.m.?