The Joe Rogan Experience - October 09, 2018


Joe Rogan Experience #1182 - Nick Kroll


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 23 minutes

Words per Minute

191.32704

Word Count

27,465

Sentence Count

2,995

Misogynist Sentences

43

Hate Speech Sentences

32


Summary

In this episode, the boys talk about the latest Windows updates, the new MacBook Pro, and the new iPhone XS Max. Also, the guys talk about their favorite non-Apple products they've got in the past year and some new ones they're looking forward to getting in the future. Also, we talk about how much we love the new Apple MacBook Pro and how much they suck compared to the old MacBook Pro. We also talk about our thoughts on the Apple Watch Series 4 and how good it is now that it has a foldable screen and foldable design, and why we don't want to get them any time soon. We also get into the latest and greatest Apple products we've gotten in the last year and a half, and what we'd like to see Apple do in the next few years. Finally, we answer some listener questions and talk about what we've been missing in our lives. Enjoy! -The boys Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The opinions expressed in this episode are our own and not those of our companies, unless otherwise stated. Thank you to our sponsors, who provided us with equipment and support for our equipment and services. We are working on making this podcasting equipment. We do not own any of the equipment mentioned in the podcast. We thank you so much for all the support and support we've received so far, we really appreciate it. We really appreciate the support we can't thank you, it's been great. - Thank you. We appreciate all the love, support, support and appreciate all of the support, and support, it means a lot of people out there. Thank you, thank you back, we appreciate it, it really helps us, we truly appreciate you, we're very much appreciate it greatly. XOXO, and we appreciate you. xoxo. Joe, Nick, Joe, Sarah, Rachel, Rachael, Ben, Emily, Jack, and Sarah, Matt, and Jack, Mike, and Rachel, Natalie, etc., etc, etc. -Alyssa, etc, and all of your support, etc etc. etc. Thankyou. - Thankyou, Rachel and Joe, Raffy, and everyone else. -Merry Christmas! -Josie, Roxy, AJ, and Kacie, etc..


Transcript

00:00:01.000 Five, four, three, two...
00:00:05.000 Hello, Nick.
00:00:07.000 Hi, Joe.
00:00:08.000 How you doing?
00:00:08.000 Sorry for the delay.
00:00:09.000 We had a failure, ladies and gentlemen.
00:00:12.000 A catastrophic failure of Windows updating.
00:00:15.000 It's sort of updated and hung on the TriCaster, but we're back.
00:00:20.000 And it seems to be fine.
00:00:21.000 Everything's working.
00:00:23.000 Allegedly.
00:00:24.000 Allegedly.
00:00:24.000 We'll see.
00:00:25.000 There's that fear when you're like, fuck, I'm turning off the update.
00:00:27.000 I'm going to start again.
00:00:28.000 That you lose everything.
00:00:29.000 That is the one annoying thing.
00:00:31.000 We were talking about this before the podcast.
00:00:32.000 I've been using Windows to write on, and I like the ThinkPad.
00:00:36.000 I really like it.
00:00:37.000 I love the keyboard.
00:00:38.000 It's great to write on, but Windows updates like two or three times a day sometimes.
00:00:43.000 Not just Windows, but like Lenovo will update, and there's some sort of firmware update, and a BIOS update, and Adobe Acrobat's checking in.
00:00:52.000 Yeah.
00:00:52.000 Wanted to know if we can...
00:00:53.000 Bitdefender updates.
00:00:56.000 Yeah, I haven't used a ThinkPad.
00:00:58.000 They still have that little clit right in the middle?
00:01:00.000 Still got that little clit.
00:01:01.000 I don't use it, but it's there.
00:01:03.000 I guess it's for people that have been using it forever.
00:01:06.000 It's very accurate if you do use it.
00:01:08.000 Right.
00:01:09.000 It's like one of those things where you're just sort of used to muscle memory, you're used to doing it, and then they touch the other buttons with their thumb.
00:01:15.000 Right.
00:01:15.000 They can still do shit.
00:01:16.000 And it has the mouse at the keypad.
00:01:19.000 It has both.
00:01:20.000 It's so weird how quickly you become accustomed to some new version of things.
00:01:24.000 I've been using my iPad, and then I've gone back to my computer, and I have a little MacBook, and I find even that weird.
00:01:32.000 I find myself just wanting to touch the screen.
00:01:35.000 My muscle memory is immediately shot.
00:01:37.000 That's one thing that's very odd about Mac computers.
00:01:40.000 They still haven't embraced the touchscreen laptop, whereas ThinkPad actually has a touchscreen.
00:01:47.000 Oh, you can straight up use the screen on it.
00:01:49.000 Yeah, it's an option.
00:01:51.000 I have one that has a touchscreen and one that does not.
00:01:53.000 But a lot of Windows computers have touchscreens.
00:01:56.000 And they even have it so you can turn it into a tablet.
00:02:00.000 You flip it over, and I think they call it the Yoga, the ThinkPad Yoga.
00:02:04.000 And then Microsoft has one, the Surface or something like that.
00:02:07.000 Yeah.
00:02:08.000 Apple's like, nah, we want to sell you two different things.
00:02:10.000 That's exactly what it is.
00:02:11.000 Yeah.
00:02:12.000 They're dirty.
00:02:12.000 We're not combining.
00:02:13.000 They're dirty people.
00:02:15.000 Yeah.
00:02:15.000 They really are.
00:02:16.000 That fucking battery thing really pissed me off.
00:02:18.000 Did it come out?
00:02:19.000 Did it finally get officially...
00:02:21.000 Oh, yeah.
00:02:21.000 They admitted it.
00:02:21.000 Oh, yeah.
00:02:22.000 They said they admitted it, and they said they did it because the old phones, they were trying to preserve the battery.
00:02:27.000 The fuck you were.
00:02:29.000 You were trying to piss people off, so they got a new phone.
00:02:32.000 Yeah.
00:02:33.000 We all know exactly what they're doing.
00:02:34.000 It works on me every year and a half.
00:02:36.000 I'm like, why is my phone fucking dying every ten minutes?
00:02:39.000 And I'm like, I gotta get a new phone.
00:02:40.000 Dirty people.
00:02:41.000 Dirty people.
00:02:42.000 I got the new one.
00:02:44.000 I got the newest of the iPhone XS Max.
00:02:51.000 It's too big.
00:02:52.000 I fucked up.
00:02:52.000 Is it too big?
00:02:53.000 I've never gone to the bigger one.
00:02:55.000 I've always gotten this size one.
00:02:56.000 I had the X. It was perfect.
00:02:57.000 I was happy.
00:02:59.000 But I got greedy.
00:03:00.000 I want to go back.
00:03:01.000 They have some of those now, the smaller, like the four or the five, that little size one.
00:03:06.000 Yeah, someone had one the other day and I had it in my hand.
00:03:08.000 I was like, ooh, this is nice.
00:03:10.000 You could text with one hand.
00:03:12.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:03:13.000 And I think they now make that one with a higher power.
00:03:18.000 It's that size, but it's, I don't know.
00:03:20.000 Yeah.
00:03:21.000 And it fits in your hand.
00:03:23.000 It's square and the edges are hard.
00:03:25.000 It fits in there perfect.
00:03:27.000 Yeah, it's not like a slip.
00:03:28.000 This one feels like it's going to slip out and you can't quite get around it the whole time.
00:03:32.000 Yeah, the 4 one, that one, it also has a headphone jack.
00:03:36.000 It's like the last of the Mohicans.
00:03:38.000 Yeah, they got rid of all of it.
00:03:39.000 Although now, yeah, I guess it's still now there's the converter.
00:03:43.000 I don't know.
00:03:43.000 The dongle.
00:03:45.000 Is that what it is?
00:03:46.000 Yeah.
00:03:46.000 They got me, though.
00:03:48.000 I'm in.
00:03:49.000 I haven't used a non-Apple product in a long time.
00:03:53.000 Well, I gotta think, like I said, and I also got the Samsung Galaxy Note 9, the new one, and it's very good.
00:04:02.000 But the fucking iPhone's better.
00:04:04.000 Damn it!
00:04:06.000 I wish it wasn't.
00:04:07.000 Yeah.
00:04:08.000 I wish it wasn't.
00:04:09.000 Yeah, man.
00:04:10.000 They figured it out.
00:04:10.000 They figured some shit out.
00:04:12.000 It's also just like, they figured out the lifestyle of something where you're like, I'll take this branding.
00:04:16.000 I'm a creative.
00:04:17.000 You know what I mean?
00:04:18.000 Remember those think different ads, the fuckers?
00:04:21.000 Fucking worked, man.
00:04:22.000 I was like, oh.
00:04:23.000 Because I remember used to getting that Apple, the MacBook Pro, and be like, I'm going to edit.
00:04:27.000 You know what I mean?
00:04:28.000 Like, I'm going to get this Apple.
00:04:29.000 I'm going to start editing my own shit.
00:04:31.000 Well, I remember hearing that Louie was editing his show with a 13-inch MacBook.
00:04:37.000 He edited his whole show.
00:04:39.000 Yeah.
00:04:39.000 And he liked doing it on the little MacBook for some strange reason.
00:04:42.000 Yeah, on a plane or doing whatever.
00:04:44.000 I get it.
00:04:44.000 I never edit anything.
00:04:46.000 I can never fucking bring myself to it.
00:04:47.000 Do you ever do it?
00:04:48.000 Nope.
00:04:48.000 Does your brain work that way?
00:04:49.000 Are you good with a manual and shit?
00:04:51.000 I feel like your brain works that way a little bit, no?
00:04:53.000 I mean, I could, but I just don't have any desire.
00:04:56.000 Yeah.
00:04:56.000 It's like your brain has, at some point, decided, like, I have a certain amount of capacity in my brain, and I don't want to use any of that for anything that I'm not interested in.
00:05:06.000 That's a good point.
00:05:07.000 Yeah.
00:05:08.000 And sometimes, some people like that stuff.
00:05:09.000 It's just like, I've never been drawn to anything like that, and I'm just not interested.
00:05:13.000 As soon as I could have someone else do my taxes, I was like, I don't want to think about that.
00:05:19.000 I don't want to do it.
00:05:20.000 It's all about bandwidth, right?
00:05:22.000 What are you spending your thinking on?
00:05:24.000 You could do all those other things, but how much would that be annoying?
00:05:29.000 And how much would it fuck up the things that you like to do?
00:05:32.000 And some people love that stuff.
00:05:33.000 I have a buddy who's a successful actor who still does his own taxes, writes out his own residual checks.
00:05:40.000 He likes it.
00:05:42.000 You know what I mean?
00:05:43.000 I'm like, alright, good for you.
00:05:46.000 If that's joyful, if that brings you joy.
00:05:49.000 At least he doesn't have to worry about getting ripped off.
00:05:51.000 I think that's part of it.
00:05:52.000 Chuck Palahniuk was here, and his agent stole all of his money.
00:05:55.000 No.
00:05:56.000 Yeah.
00:05:57.000 Millions.
00:05:57.000 Really?
00:05:58.000 Yeah, he's broke.
00:05:59.000 It's crazy.
00:06:00.000 And what happened?
00:06:01.000 Is he going after the fucking agent?
00:06:03.000 The guy's going to jail.
00:06:03.000 Yeah.
00:06:04.000 Fuck.
00:06:05.000 The guy stole millions.
00:06:06.000 Stole millions from him and a bunch of other people, and they don't know where the money is.
00:06:10.000 He's hoping he can get some of it back.
00:06:11.000 They might be able to find some of it.
00:06:13.000 But the agent stole from several different clients.
00:06:16.000 Whoa.
00:06:16.000 Some madman.
00:06:18.000 And Chuck writes books about, like, watch out, fucking...
00:06:22.000 Yeah, he writes books about creepy people doing creepy shit.
00:06:25.000 Yeah.
00:06:25.000 Someone did it to him.
00:06:26.000 Fuck.
00:06:27.000 Yeah.
00:06:27.000 Dane's brother-in-law?
00:06:29.000 Yes, his brother.
00:06:30.000 Stole his money, right?
00:06:31.000 I think it's his half-brother.
00:06:32.000 His half-brother?
00:06:33.000 Yeah, stole like seven million dollars and wouldn't tell anybody where it is.
00:06:37.000 Still?
00:06:37.000 Fuck you, I'm going to jail.
00:06:39.000 Yeah, and I think he might be out.
00:06:41.000 I think he might be out of jail.
00:06:43.000 Is he looking for new clients?
00:06:45.000 I think he put it in coffee cans and shit and drove across the country and buried it in holes.
00:06:52.000 Yeah.
00:06:52.000 I mean, if you have a—they would be able to find it if they got a hold of your GPS unit, but if you got, like, a Garmin GPS unit that people use when they go hiking, you can, you know, mark where your camp is.
00:07:02.000 You could do some, like, geotagging shit.
00:07:05.000 You could totally do that.
00:07:06.000 You could go to the fucking woods and go to a tree and dig a hole next to that tree deep into the ground, drop a coffee can with a million dollars in it.
00:07:15.000 Geotag, put your little tag on it and come back to it.
00:07:17.000 I don't know why I keep going to coffee can.
00:07:18.000 I don't know.
00:07:18.000 Well, there's something about, yeah.
00:07:20.000 There's something about a coffee can that's very pleasing in the idea of like rolls of money in like a, yeah, in like a chock full of nuts or whatever that coffee is, like a Folgers crystals.
00:07:29.000 Yeah, it was probably garbage bags.
00:07:31.000 You know, Fargo was just on the other day, and it's like Buscemi hiding that money, and then he's got his window scraper, and it's just like desolate snow for miles, and he sticks the window scraper into the snow to mark where he's hidden the money,
00:07:50.000 and it's like, oh, this guy's fucked.
00:07:53.000 He's never getting that money.
00:07:54.000 It's just like, there's no horizon line.
00:07:56.000 It's just snow and fucking sky.
00:07:58.000 Screwed.
00:07:58.000 Did you ever watch the new version of it with Billy Bob Thornton?
00:08:01.000 Is it good?
00:08:01.000 I heard it's great.
00:08:02.000 Season one's good.
00:08:03.000 Season two is, I think, for my money, the best television.
00:08:08.000 Season two of that show is unbelievable.
00:08:11.000 And season three is very good, but season two is un-fucking-believable.
00:08:16.000 It's like in the 70s.
00:08:18.000 Who's in it?
00:08:19.000 Uh...
00:08:20.000 Kirsten Dunst in it?
00:08:21.000 Jesse Plemons, Kirsten Dunst.
00:08:24.000 Who's the fucking...
00:08:26.000 I don't even remember.
00:08:27.000 But it's great.
00:08:28.000 It's great.
00:08:29.000 I liked all three seasons of that show, but season two to me is like unstoppable.
00:08:34.000 Are they still making it or are they done?
00:08:35.000 They might go make some more in a year or two.
00:08:39.000 I think they were talking about...
00:08:41.000 I think Chris Rock might be attached to the dude.
00:08:44.000 Oh, that's right.
00:08:45.000 Yeah, I saw something like that.
00:08:47.000 I saw something like that.
00:08:48.000 But I don't know what the deal is with it.
00:08:51.000 And season three is great, but season two is fucking...
00:08:54.000 Dane Cook's half-brother and sister-in-law must repay $12 million.
00:08:58.000 Is this new?
00:08:59.000 That's just from 2010 when it happened.
00:09:00.000 He got six years in jail and 16 years probation, so he'd be out by now.
00:09:04.000 Wow, so he's out.
00:09:05.000 Whoa!
00:09:06.000 Six years in the pokey in 2010. Yeah, he's out.
00:09:09.000 He's out.
00:09:10.000 I think he just got out, dude.
00:09:12.000 Because I remember seeing something about $12 million he stole from him.
00:09:17.000 Fuck.
00:09:17.000 Must repay.
00:09:18.000 Okay, I don't have it.
00:09:20.000 Yeah, what do you do?
00:09:21.000 How does that work?
00:09:21.000 Keep him in jail.
00:09:22.000 I mean, the guy just stayed in jail.
00:09:24.000 Like, he could have...
00:09:25.000 I might be getting this wrong, but I do remember some of the story was they were offering leniency if he gave some of the money back.
00:09:33.000 He's like, nah.
00:09:34.000 Fuck it.
00:09:35.000 Nah, I'm not going to give it back.
00:09:36.000 There's a case like that with a guy that sold the gold.
00:09:38.000 What's that?
00:09:38.000 Some guy that found a bunch of gold.
00:09:39.000 He's in jail because he won't tell them where it is, and he owes people, like, I don't know, arguably hundreds to millions of dollars or something like that because of how much it's worth.
00:09:46.000 He found the gold?
00:09:48.000 He, like, he found the gold, and then he got investors to give him the money to, like, help him go retrieve it.
00:09:52.000 Oh!
00:09:53.000 And once he got it, he's like, ah, I don't know where it is.
00:09:55.000 Oh, was it like a shipwreck deal?
00:09:57.000 Yeah.
00:09:57.000 There's a lot of money in shipwrecks.
00:10:00.000 I was watching a documentary on these billionaires, or rich folks, rather, who finance these guys to go hunting for treasure.
00:10:09.000 And they know where some Roman ships have sunk.
00:10:13.000 And so they go looking for these Spanish galleons and Roman ships.
00:10:17.000 Filled with gold coins that are worth hundreds of millions of dollars.
00:10:22.000 And, you know, it's like this crazy gamble because the ocean's fucking gigantic.
00:10:27.000 Yeah, and also, like, I guess gold, does gold maintain its, like, substance after it really does?
00:10:32.000 Yeah, it really does.
00:10:33.000 I guess that's why it's fucking gold.
00:10:34.000 Holy grail of shipwrecks.
00:10:36.000 17 billion dollars.
00:10:38.000 17 billion in gold they found it?
00:10:40.000 Yeah, off of Massachusetts.
00:10:41.000 Finds a shipwreck with a treasure of up to...
00:10:44.000 Oh my god!
00:10:46.000 17 billion!
00:10:48.000 And someone financed it.
00:10:50.000 Icon?
00:10:51.000 No.
00:10:51.000 I thought that was Carl.
00:10:53.000 That's fucking wild, man.
00:10:54.000 So, um, where is this fucking...
00:10:56.000 This is in Cape Cod.
00:10:58.000 Goddamn it.
00:10:58.000 That 310-year-old ship.
00:10:59.000 Spanish ship.
00:11:00.000 Wow.
00:11:00.000 Wow.
00:11:01.000 That's amazing.
00:11:03.000 Yeah, there was a bunch of those.
00:11:04.000 I mean, can you imagine taking a fucking boat that you made out of trees, filling it up with meth, and trying to float it across the fucking ocean.
00:11:14.000 With, like, a map that some fucking drunk dude wrote.
00:11:17.000 And no knowledge at all about storms coming.
00:11:20.000 Like, I hope we don't get hit by one.
00:11:22.000 Who the fuck knows?
00:11:23.000 You got a farmer's almanac and shit.
00:11:25.000 I think about that all the time.
00:11:25.000 I just think about a letter.
00:11:27.000 I just think about, like, families, like, immigrants coming over to this country and, like, you know, wherever.
00:11:32.000 Fucking Ireland, Poland, Russia, whatever you want to say.
00:11:35.000 Like, turn of the 1920s, whatever.
00:11:38.000 Hundreds of years ago.
00:11:39.000 People get over here and they're like, I made it.
00:11:42.000 Okay, I went to New York and now I'm in Rochester.
00:11:44.000 Wherever the fuck I ended up.
00:11:46.000 And then they have to send a letter that hopefully goes back across the ocean and then to some fucking mailman who's drunk and dies of a heart attack in the mud in Poland.
00:11:58.000 And you hope it gets to you to be like, yeah, okay, I'll go meet you in Rochester.
00:12:03.000 I'm blown away that anybody got in touch with anybody and found their family.
00:12:09.000 I don't know...
00:12:11.000 You would think you would make duplicate letters.
00:12:14.000 I guess so.
00:12:14.000 That has to be it, right?
00:12:16.000 They just were like, I don't know if you got the last one, but heads up.
00:12:18.000 Yeah.
00:12:19.000 I'm, you know...
00:12:20.000 Maybe.
00:12:21.000 I'm a fucking slave in Rochester.
00:12:23.000 But, I mean, imagine the patience that people had back then.
00:12:26.000 Because, like, I'll get an email from someone, and then I'll get an email, like, an hour later.
00:12:30.000 Did you get that email?
00:12:31.000 Yeah.
00:12:32.000 Like, Jesus Christ, bro.
00:12:33.000 Yeah.
00:12:33.000 Relax.
00:12:34.000 That was just like...
00:12:35.000 I saw a buddy of mine who I had met, and we were in Europe, and we met these kids in Oktoberfest.
00:12:44.000 They had lived in Germany, and we were, like, meeting up with them in Oktoberfest.
00:12:48.000 And this was before email and cell phones.
00:12:49.000 And you just were like, I'm going to be at the fucking 210 train in Munich.
00:12:53.000 Like, I hope you're there.
00:12:55.000 And that was it.
00:12:56.000 That was like you hoped that you connected.
00:12:58.000 And that was that.
00:12:59.000 There was no like, hey, I'm texting.
00:13:00.000 I'm five minutes late.
00:13:01.000 Or like, I'm emailing you to let you know.
00:13:03.000 Like, we'll meet at the McDonald's or whatever the fuck it was.
00:13:05.000 It was crazy.
00:13:06.000 Yeah, so it's amazing that anything got done.
00:13:10.000 Yeah.
00:13:11.000 And that people met and got married and had kids.
00:13:13.000 Yeah.
00:13:14.000 And then they traveled across the world and then came back a month later and found their family.
00:13:19.000 People were waiting for them.
00:13:20.000 Yeah.
00:13:21.000 And they did it.
00:13:22.000 It happened.
00:13:22.000 All the time.
00:13:23.000 I mean, and maybe shit didn't happen.
00:13:24.000 I don't know.
00:13:25.000 I guess it's like...
00:13:26.000 You ever watch the show Vikings?
00:13:27.000 No.
00:13:28.000 It's a good show.
00:13:28.000 But one of the things that's crazy is these motherfuckers would get on boats and they'd go...
00:13:33.000 Just row across the ocean, kill a bunch of people, and come back six months later with some gold, and everybody would be waiting for them at the docks.
00:13:41.000 It's like, what kind of life is this?
00:13:42.000 Yeah.
00:13:43.000 Just waiting in the docks.
00:13:44.000 There's no version of, like, FYI, we'll be there.
00:13:47.000 It's not even like you're going to say, we'll just send the motorboat ahead to let everybody know that we're going to be there in a month.
00:13:52.000 That's it.
00:13:54.000 People are gonna one day laugh at how ridiculous it is to send a text message like, these guys weren't even telepathic.
00:13:59.000 Right.
00:14:00.000 Could you imagine?
00:14:00.000 They had to text each other.
00:14:02.000 Right.
00:14:02.000 They had to send pictures because they couldn't see what the other person was actually seeing.
00:14:07.000 It's just going to be all in a fucking contact lens?
00:14:10.000 Is that what's going to happen?
00:14:11.000 You're just going to have a chip.
00:14:12.000 It's going to be a chip?
00:14:13.000 It's going to be like Black Mirror, for sure.
00:14:15.000 Yeah.
00:14:15.000 How far off, do you think?
00:14:17.000 20 years max.
00:14:18.000 Yeah.
00:14:19.000 I think it's going to happen so quick.
00:14:20.000 Yeah.
00:14:21.000 Just like cell phones happen so quick.
00:14:22.000 The iPhone was only, what, 11 years ago?
00:14:25.000 Yeah.
00:14:26.000 That's crazy.
00:14:27.000 Yeah.
00:14:28.000 And I don't think the first iPhone had a camera.
00:14:30.000 Did it have a camera on the first iPhone?
00:14:32.000 Maybe it had something.
00:14:32.000 If you go back and look at your iPhone pictures from like five years ago, you're like, how dare you?
00:14:40.000 How dare you accept this is a fucking photo?
00:14:42.000 I bought an Apple digital camera and it was a giant hunk of shit.
00:14:46.000 It was like this big and it was one megapixel.
00:14:49.000 It was fucking gigantic.
00:14:51.000 It was so big.
00:14:52.000 Yeah.
00:14:53.000 It was just this brick.
00:14:55.000 I remember going and buying that first like a video camera early 2000s to like put myself on tape in New York.
00:15:01.000 Oh yeah.
00:15:02.000 You can hear the...
00:15:03.000 Yeah.
00:15:05.000 And I would try to shoot myself to fucking try to get a, you know...
00:15:09.000 There it is.
00:15:10.000 That's what I had.
00:15:11.000 I had one of those things.
00:15:12.000 And it's one megapixel.
00:15:15.000 It's a piece of shit.
00:15:16.000 And it was probably like $2,000.
00:15:18.000 Probably.
00:15:19.000 Yeah.
00:15:19.000 And before that, when I first came out here in 1994, I had a meeting with this guy.
00:15:25.000 It was like one of the big wigs at Disney.
00:15:27.000 And he had a Newton.
00:15:30.000 Do you remember a Newton?
00:15:32.000 Yeah, vaguely.
00:15:33.000 It was like a tablet.
00:15:34.000 And he was all so happy about this.
00:15:37.000 He was very organized on his Newton.
00:15:40.000 It was like he had a thesaurus with a screen.
00:15:44.000 That's what it looked like, this big stupid fucking thing.
00:15:47.000 And it had a little stylus and he was writing things on it.
00:15:52.000 Was this in the years between when Jobs had gotten fired, or was he still there?
00:15:58.000 I think that was when, right?
00:16:00.000 The lost years.
00:16:01.000 I just saw Alan Alda just posted a thing on his old Atari commercials.
00:16:06.000 I guess he was the spokesman for Atari, and it's him talking about Atari you could also use for word processing.
00:16:13.000 And then also that they had a very early tablet.
00:16:16.000 He's like, you can draw and paint on it.
00:16:18.000 I was like, shit, that's not bad, man.
00:16:19.000 This is like 84. Wow.
00:16:22.000 Which I'm like, I don't know what that was, but it was Atari, early Atari shit.
00:16:25.000 You could paint and draw on it, I guess.
00:16:27.000 I don't know.
00:16:28.000 Well, the things that they can do now, these new...
00:16:31.000 Oh, look at this.
00:16:31.000 There's Alan Alda.
00:16:32.000 Yeah.
00:16:34.000 You're loving it.
00:16:36.000 ...a system that's no big deal to use.
00:16:38.000 I love that voice, man.
00:16:40.000 ...a computer, you have to learn a few new things.
00:16:42.000 But Atari's going to a lot of trouble to make it easier for you.
00:16:45.000 See?
00:16:45.000 That's testing itself.
00:16:49.000 Look how young he looks.
00:16:50.000 Yeah, I know.
00:16:51.000 Well, it's also funny because, like, back then in the 80s, like, he looks young, but he also sort of looks like how, like...
00:16:56.000 He looks like he's 40. Yeah, is that what it is?
00:16:59.000 Yeah, but he's probably not 40. He's probably 30, but he looks 40. People used to look older.
00:17:04.000 Yeah, they had shit nutrition and bad vitamins, and the doctors didn't know anything.
00:17:08.000 Yeah, and like...
00:17:10.000 And he's sort of graying.
00:17:12.000 You don't know what it, you know...
00:17:13.000 Yeah, no exercise.
00:17:14.000 Well, he's...
00:17:15.000 Although, yeah...
00:17:17.000 It is crazy.
00:17:17.000 It's also like you look at old movies and you're like...
00:17:19.000 It's old, old movies where you're like...
00:17:22.000 Cary Grant or something, and you're like...
00:17:24.000 He's playing the young bachelor, and he looks like fucking 60. And maybe he is 60, or maybe it's just like he was just fucking smoking and drinking and looked like...
00:17:34.000 But he did not look good.
00:17:36.000 And you're like, I'm still a bachelor.
00:17:38.000 Yeah, there was no health back then.
00:17:40.000 No, man.
00:17:40.000 No one was healthy.
00:17:41.000 No, man.
00:17:42.000 No one took yoga classes or lifted weights.
00:17:45.000 There was no CrossFit.
00:17:47.000 No, no.
00:17:48.000 There was like, I'm smoking light cigarettes today.
00:17:51.000 We played some clips from Spartacus and Kurt Douglas.
00:17:57.000 Like, you think of him as like a Roman soldier.
00:18:01.000 That's hilarious.
00:18:03.000 He's like a guy who probably never worked out a day in his life.
00:18:07.000 No.
00:18:08.000 Yeah, and he's holding this...
00:18:09.000 It looks like plastic sword.
00:18:11.000 Right.
00:18:12.000 And the sword looks so light.
00:18:13.000 You can tell he's still just sort of like wanting to bring it down.
00:18:15.000 Yeah, those old school bodies, old school body weightlifters are like...
00:18:19.000 Yeah, he's not...
00:18:20.000 Yeah, just everything about him.
00:18:23.000 I think he was 40 when they made this movie.
00:18:25.000 I think we looked it up.
00:18:26.000 Yeah.
00:18:27.000 Did you think he was...
00:18:28.000 Again, you never know how old is he supposed to be here.
00:18:32.000 Yeah, you never know.
00:18:33.000 But he looks old.
00:18:34.000 Yeah, he's got that dimple, though.
00:18:35.000 He looks like he could be 60. Look at his arm in the upper left-hand corner.
00:18:40.000 You look at that now and you're like, if The Rock remade Spartacus right now, it would look just a little different.
00:18:46.000 Yeah, like, look at this.
00:18:48.000 Well, he's like thin from cigarettes.
00:18:50.000 Yeah.
00:18:50.000 Like, that's the extent of a workout.
00:18:52.000 Look how slow everything is.
00:18:54.000 I know.
00:18:54.000 It's so corny.
00:18:55.000 I know.
00:18:55.000 Shit used to be so...
00:18:57.000 But I guess people didn't care.
00:19:00.000 He's tan, though.
00:19:01.000 Yeah, look at his legs.
00:19:03.000 The guy's never done a squat in his fucking life.
00:19:05.000 I don't know if they knew what squats were.
00:19:07.000 They didn't.
00:19:08.000 It is crazy.
00:19:09.000 They didn't understand anything.
00:19:10.000 Have you gone back and looked at like what fitness, like the guys who were into fitness, like what they were doing?
00:19:15.000 Yeah.
00:19:15.000 I mean, I'm genuinely asking.
00:19:18.000 I'm like, I don't know what they were doing for, they were just like fucking eating raw eggs, I'm assuming?
00:19:22.000 Well, there was just very few of them.
00:19:24.000 There was bodybuilders back then, but the numbers were so minuscule in comparison to people today.
00:19:30.000 Like you can go to any gym today, like you go to Equinox and it's filled with jack people and women with giant butts and guys with big chests.
00:19:38.000 See, that's all real shit.
00:19:39.000 That's a great workout right there.
00:19:41.000 They're hanging from those bars and doing push-ups and stuff like that.
00:19:44.000 Yeah, they're doing some circuit training shit right there, right?
00:19:48.000 These are like high school kids, though.
00:19:50.000 Yeah.
00:19:51.000 This looks like...
00:19:52.000 Yeah, they look very young.
00:19:54.000 But that's all legit.
00:19:56.000 Yeah.
00:19:56.000 But how old were they?
00:19:58.000 They were 18. Right.
00:19:59.000 There was no one who was 40 who was doing that.
00:20:02.000 No.
00:20:02.000 If you go to the gym today, you'll see guys who are in their 50s who are jacked.
00:20:06.000 Yeah, man.
00:20:07.000 Yeah.
00:20:08.000 It's a different world.
00:20:09.000 Look at that.
00:20:10.000 That looks fun.
00:20:11.000 Hey, man, I fucking love your show.
00:20:12.000 Thank you.
00:20:13.000 Your show is hilarious.
00:20:14.000 Thanks, man.
00:20:15.000 And the character, the animation, looks like you.
00:20:19.000 It has your lips and your nose.
00:20:21.000 It's really weird.
00:20:22.000 Yeah, it's fucking weird, right?
00:20:23.000 It's like it looks like you without looking like you.
00:20:26.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:20:26.000 It's like they captured it.
00:20:28.000 Yeah, it's weird.
00:20:30.000 Someone posted, it was right before the show came out this year, someone posted like, Japanese, we make our cartoons cuter.
00:20:41.000 Americans, let's make our characters ugly as fucking possible.
00:20:45.000 And it's my, it's me as a little fucking kid.
00:20:50.000 And I was like, it's a bummer, that's exactly what I look like.
00:20:54.000 It's...
00:20:55.000 It's hilarious because it looks like you without looking like you.
00:20:59.000 There's a real gift to that when people, they figure out how to capture the perfect caricature.
00:21:04.000 It's weird that we, and we give them, even when we, even if it's like, we try to like, when we have new characters, we'll just give them pictures of the people that are playing them and just let them find that version of them.
00:21:15.000 And even when we don't, we'll give people references because there's something about capturing a real person that makes it specific in a way that That you're like, wow, dude, everybody can draw, just draw whoever, which does work, but still, there's something about being like,
00:21:31.000 no, we want a guy who looks like Rogan.
00:21:33.000 They'll get that essence that creates something that feels more real.
00:21:37.000 It's so weird.
00:21:38.000 But they're great.
00:21:39.000 We have a killer team of people designing all those characters.
00:21:43.000 What I love about your show is, well, I like a lot of things about it, but one of the things that I love about it is that you really can only do that on Netflix.
00:21:50.000 Yeah.
00:21:51.000 It's just like, it's so unharnessed.
00:21:54.000 Yes.
00:21:54.000 It's just wild and hilarious and there's no boundaries to it.
00:21:59.000 No.
00:22:00.000 That's one of the more amazing things about something like Netflix, is that there's just, you could do whatever.
00:22:06.000 You can do whatever.
00:22:06.000 You can do whatever length you want.
00:22:08.000 You can say whatever you want.
00:22:13.000 You have no advertisers who you're either supporting or in competition with.
00:22:18.000 So we can mention brands.
00:22:20.000 They don't really care about that.
00:22:22.000 When you're on network TV, it's like you've got to get an act break.
00:22:26.000 The first act has to be eight minutes.
00:22:28.000 The second act has to be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:22:30.000 And even when there's more flexibility now, but also, most importantly, they just basically let us do whatever the fuck we want.
00:22:38.000 That's amazing.
00:22:39.000 Yeah.
00:22:40.000 They've been very good partners creatively for us.
00:22:44.000 Have you done a stand-up special with them?
00:22:45.000 No.
00:22:46.000 I did one special years ago for Comedy Central.
00:22:49.000 Yours just came out.
00:22:50.000 Yeah, it just came out.
00:22:51.000 How was the experience?
00:22:54.000 This is the second one.
00:22:55.000 Well, I've done three with them, but I did one with them in 2005, a long time ago.
00:22:59.000 Whoa.
00:22:59.000 Yeah, way back in the day.
00:23:01.000 And then I did one two years ago in this one.
00:23:03.000 They're fucking amazing.
00:23:05.000 They don't bother you at all.
00:23:06.000 They just leave you alone.
00:23:07.000 They go, you're funny.
00:23:08.000 You want to do a special?
00:23:09.000 Yeah.
00:23:09.000 Okay, go ahead.
00:23:10.000 Yeah, that's kind of the thing.
00:23:12.000 They're just like, you've proven that you can do your thing.
00:23:14.000 We're not going to get in the way.
00:23:15.000 And I think they realize, oh, we don't get in the way.
00:23:17.000 We just have less work to do.
00:23:19.000 And if they find someone like you that is a funny guy, they know you're gonna try your best.
00:23:26.000 Yeah.
00:23:26.000 Yeah, like you're funny.
00:23:28.000 You want it to be really good.
00:23:30.000 It's not a money grab.
00:23:31.000 I mean, it's like you want to go fucking do it and do it well and you know that everybody's gonna see it.
00:23:37.000 That's the thing with them right now is you're like, I don't know about you, but it's like, I just want...
00:23:43.000 If I'm going to spend a lot of time making something, I want the most amount of possible eyeballs that I can get.
00:23:50.000 And that's what they do.
00:23:52.000 Well, especially for a comedy special, there's really no other game in town.
00:23:55.000 I mean, I've had friends that did something on HBO, and I'm like, ugh...
00:23:59.000 Yeah.
00:24:00.000 Yeah.
00:24:01.000 If it doesn't air, if you don't see it that night.
00:24:06.000 There's some streaming services.
00:24:07.000 I know there's HBO Go, but I would love to see the numbers.
00:24:10.000 I'd be curious.
00:24:11.000 How many people are actually using those things?
00:24:13.000 I would love to see the numbers across the board.
00:24:15.000 But it is now.
00:24:15.000 It just feels like we were...
00:24:17.000 Because we went out wide with the show.
00:24:19.000 We had a couple different offers.
00:24:21.000 And Netflix just seemed like the place where it was like, they weren't going to creatively fuck with us.
00:24:26.000 And everyone was going to have a chance to see it.
00:24:29.000 And we were going to get kids.
00:24:31.000 We were going to get anyone.
00:24:32.000 We have 12, 13-year-old kids watching the show.
00:24:36.000 Whoa.
00:24:37.000 Which is crazy.
00:24:39.000 Yeah.
00:24:40.000 Because it's fucking dirty.
00:24:41.000 Yeah, it gets pretty dirty.
00:24:42.000 Yeah.
00:24:42.000 I love the masturbation demon.
00:24:45.000 You're the hormone monster?
00:24:47.000 Touch yourself, Joe.
00:24:49.000 Is that your voice?
00:24:50.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24:51.000 That's me.
00:24:52.000 Andrew was like, my partner's on it.
00:24:54.000 Andrew Goldberg, Mark Levin, and Jen Flaggett were like, they were talking about it because Mark and Jen have a kid who was around that age when we started doing it.
00:25:02.000 They were just talking about hormones and all that shit.
00:25:04.000 And they're like, we should have a hormone monster.
00:25:06.000 And then they're like, yeah, it should just be a hormone monster.
00:25:09.000 And then Andrew called me.
00:25:11.000 He's like, we're thinking about doing like a hormone monster.
00:25:13.000 And I just immediately was just like, tell yourself, Andrew.
00:25:16.000 And it just became...
00:25:17.000 It was like, okay, got it.
00:25:18.000 Alright, we got him.
00:25:20.000 We got him fucking locked down.
00:25:22.000 And it is...
00:25:23.000 I mean, we have those...
00:25:24.000 We all have those things, you know?
00:25:26.000 Yeah.
00:25:27.000 Sometimes they get integrated, sometimes they don't.
00:25:29.000 Well, it's...
00:25:30.000 I just love that...
00:25:31.000 There's, like, what you see in South Park and what you see in Bill Burr's show, F is for Family.
00:25:37.000 There's things that you can do in an animated show that are...
00:25:41.000 Physically impossible in any other form and it's amazing.
00:25:45.000 Yeah, it's an amazing format Especially for I think for us like for if you're a Especially if you're like a comedy brain that doesn't necessarily come straight out of like classic sitcom writing that what you have other weird ways of getting into something and You want to be able to personify it and like animation just allows you to do it also allows you to fucking You couldn't do live action stuff with kids the way we have.
00:26:14.000 It's just too uncomfortable.
00:26:16.000 But you see it in animation and you can get away and be like, alright, let's have the Statue of Liberty talk to that girl and let's have this hormone monster in this season.
00:26:23.000 It would be unethical.
00:26:25.000 If you had children actors, have you ever worked with kid actors?
00:26:28.000 A little bit, yeah.
00:26:29.000 I only did it once.
00:26:31.000 I did this show called Hardball, and there was a little kid who was like a bat boy, and there was a little girl who was on the show.
00:26:36.000 And they were both like early teens, like 13, 14. And it was weird.
00:26:40.000 I felt weird.
00:26:42.000 Because everyone else is adults, and they would swear and say fucked up thing.
00:26:46.000 You have to look over your shoulder, see if the kid's around.
00:26:48.000 You say something crazy.
00:26:49.000 I had to deal with a kid.
00:26:51.000 I was on the show called The League, and I had a son on the show who was, you know, aged up every year.
00:26:57.000 But by the last, you know, seasons four or five, he was like from like seven to like nine.
00:27:03.000 And it was crazy because we were doing some crazy shit.
00:27:07.000 And there's a scene where he's like eating ice chips out of a urinal.
00:27:11.000 Yeah.
00:27:13.000 You call them like urinal cookies or something like that.
00:27:15.000 It was like, and it was fun.
00:27:17.000 It was a clean, you know, we made sure it was all good.
00:27:20.000 But still, and like, we had him doing some fucked up shit.
00:27:24.000 And you're like, alright.
00:27:25.000 And the mom was there.
00:27:26.000 The mom was cool with all of it.
00:27:27.000 But it was like, it wasn't just like even a sitcom where it's like, oh, we're gonna have a little, maybe someone on set saying something weird.
00:27:33.000 Like, we're having this kid doing some weird shit.
00:27:35.000 And I was like, okay, I hope this is alright.
00:27:37.000 What year did you get in the show business?
00:27:40.000 How old was I? I was like 20. I started doing open mics like 2002. I was 23, 24. Yeah.
00:27:48.000 That's a good year.
00:27:49.000 That's a perfect year.
00:27:51.000 You're a young adult.
00:27:53.000 You're a young adult.
00:27:54.000 Yeah.
00:27:54.000 What about you?
00:27:55.000 I was 21. Yeah.
00:27:56.000 Young adult.
00:27:57.000 Yeah.
00:27:58.000 And it took a while to get it all rolling, but it was...
00:28:01.000 I do think that early...
00:28:04.000 I mean, there are a few people who seem to start young who are okay, but...
00:28:08.000 But it's tough, man.
00:28:09.000 I've never met one.
00:28:11.000 Yeah.
00:28:11.000 They're all crazy.
00:28:12.000 Have you met Seth Rogen at all?
00:28:14.000 Have you dealt with Seth Rogen at all?
00:28:15.000 Yeah, how old was Seth when he...
00:28:16.000 He was on Freaks and Geeks when he was like 16. Maybe that was the cutoff age.
00:28:22.000 Yeah.
00:28:22.000 That's the age we could pull it off.
00:28:24.000 Yeah.
00:28:26.000 Because you have enough awkward, uncomfortable, actual years as an adult.
00:28:30.000 He also had, like, a few years on that show, and then that show got canceled, and he, like, didn't have much of a, like, there were a few lean years there.
00:28:39.000 That's probably good for you.
00:28:40.000 Where I think it, like, made him a regular human being.
00:28:43.000 Because I'm trying to think, there were no kids on news radio, right?
00:28:46.000 No.
00:28:46.000 Were there any lifetime, were there, like, actors?
00:28:50.000 No, they were all adults.
00:28:52.000 Yes.
00:28:53.000 All adults, except Andy Dick.
00:28:55.000 Andy Dick's just whatever he is.
00:28:57.000 Yeah.
00:28:58.000 Have you had him on recently?
00:28:59.000 Yeah.
00:29:00.000 I had him on once.
00:29:01.000 I'm like, that's enough.
00:29:02.000 Yeah.
00:29:03.000 Yeah.
00:29:03.000 I ran him at the Comedy Store the other day.
00:29:06.000 Well, not the other day.
00:29:07.000 He's banned now.
00:29:08.000 Is he banned again?
00:29:09.000 Yeah.
00:29:09.000 He licked Earl Skakel's face.
00:29:14.000 There's drunk Andy, and when drunk Andy's around, you just got to get the fuck out of there.
00:29:18.000 You can tell the difference.
00:29:20.000 It's two different guys.
00:29:20.000 He's very aggressive.
00:29:22.000 Yeah.
00:29:23.000 Bangs in the car window and you're like, oh no, it's drunk Andy.
00:29:26.000 Yeah.
00:29:27.000 And sober Andy's a fucking sweetheart.
00:29:29.000 Wonderful guy.
00:29:30.000 And so funny, man.
00:29:32.000 He's a hilarious guy.
00:29:33.000 We did scenes together where we had to do the take five, six times because I couldn't stay straight.
00:29:38.000 I kept cracking.
00:29:39.000 Well, you can't stay straight with Andy.
00:29:41.000 Yeah.
00:29:43.000 But he is so funny.
00:29:46.000 But I did a...
00:29:48.000 I did a, early, one of my first things I did of, like, a voice on American Dad, and I did, they had me do Andy Dick.
00:29:55.000 And I was so psyched to get a gig, you know what I mean?
00:29:58.000 I was like, I'm not, my favorite thing is not doing other comedians.
00:30:01.000 Like, there's some weird kind of code that I don't know what...
00:30:04.000 Yeah, I know.
00:30:04.000 You know what I mean?
00:30:05.000 You feel like a dick.
00:30:06.000 You feel like a dick.
00:30:06.000 I try not to talk shit about comedians.
00:30:08.000 It's like, I don't know why.
00:30:11.000 It was one of my first gigs.
00:30:12.000 It was like, oh, cool.
00:30:13.000 I got to be on American Dad.
00:30:14.000 I did Andy Dick.
00:30:17.000 Looking back, I would not probably do it now.
00:30:21.000 Did you do it over the top?
00:30:22.000 I don't know.
00:30:23.000 I just did Andy Dick.
00:30:24.000 I don't know.
00:30:24.000 I mean, isn't Andy kind of over the top?
00:30:26.000 You know what I mean?
00:30:27.000 I did not mean...
00:30:29.000 It was not being like, oh, I'm going to go fucking get Andy Dick.
00:30:31.000 But anyway, when I saw him...
00:30:34.000 Since then, I've seen him over the years.
00:30:36.000 And I like him.
00:30:37.000 And I think he...
00:30:39.000 When he's sober, he's like, you know, I saw your impression of me.
00:30:43.000 And he's like, and he's kind of like, it's funny, you know?
00:30:47.000 And then I've seen him drunk, and he's like, so.
00:30:51.000 You know, it's like a very different, it's a very different version of it.
00:30:57.000 And I'm like, but, you know, but I get it, man.
00:31:00.000 If someone did a fucking impression of me on some animated show, I don't know.
00:31:04.000 I probably, I'm like, no, I'll do the impression of me.
00:31:07.000 Let me control my narrative here.
00:31:09.000 I think you got to take your lumps.
00:31:12.000 I guess so.
00:31:13.000 If you're dishing them out, you got to take your lumps.
00:31:15.000 Yeah.
00:31:16.000 Well, because then he's done it, you know.
00:31:18.000 But he'd go back and watch the Stiller show.
00:31:19.000 He's funny as shit, man.
00:31:21.000 Oh, that was a great show.
00:31:22.000 People forgot about the Stiller show.
00:31:23.000 That was a fucking great show.
00:31:26.000 Yeah, him, Odenkirk, Janine Garofalo, Stiller, a bunch of, I think, Apatow, Rhode Island.
00:31:31.000 It was a crazy group of people.
00:31:33.000 What year was that?
00:31:34.000 That's midnight, or maybe even early, 92?
00:31:38.000 It had to be pre-news radio.
00:31:40.000 I think it was pre-news radio.
00:31:41.000 When is news radio?
00:31:43.000 94?
00:31:44.000 Did you come right out here and get news radio?
00:31:47.000 How old were you going to get news radio?
00:31:48.000 27. I was on something else.
00:31:51.000 I was on a show called Hardball when I was 26. And it was cancelled.
00:31:55.000 Yeah.
00:31:56.000 It was a baseball sitcom.
00:31:59.000 It's a terrible baseball sitcom on Fox.
00:32:01.000 Yeah, man.
00:32:01.000 That's the one where I did with the little kids.
00:32:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:32:03.000 But that did like six episodes and it got cancelled.
00:32:06.000 And I was ready to move back to New York.
00:32:08.000 I hated it out here.
00:32:09.000 But I got a lease on an apartment.
00:32:12.000 And I had to stay here for a year.
00:32:14.000 I'm like, I have this place.
00:32:15.000 I bought a couch.
00:32:16.000 I bought a TV. Yeah.
00:32:19.000 I got a stereo.
00:32:20.000 See how it goes, man.
00:32:21.000 Yeah, I remember I got a stereo.
00:32:24.000 You're like, this is a six CD changer.
00:32:26.000 I'm not about to fucking move across the country.
00:32:28.000 I ain't going anywhere.
00:32:29.000 You remember that?
00:32:30.000 There was like, oh, you could put so many CDs in this fucking stereo.
00:32:33.000 It was amazing.
00:32:33.000 Yeah.
00:32:33.000 You have people over and it would go random on you.
00:32:35.000 Yeah.
00:32:35.000 You'd let it do random.
00:32:37.000 Yeah.
00:32:37.000 You felt like a boss.
00:32:38.000 Yeah.
00:32:39.000 Then there were people who had like 100 CD changers.
00:32:42.000 Oh, yeah.
00:32:42.000 I had a tower.
00:32:43.000 Yeah.
00:32:44.000 Stacked a tower with all the CDs in it?
00:32:46.000 Ooh.
00:32:46.000 I just opened up my cabinet with all my DVDs and like all that shit, which I haven't looked at in...
00:32:55.000 I haven't looked at it in like five, six years.
00:32:57.000 I still have a stack of VHS tapes that I won't throw away.
00:33:00.000 Yeah.
00:33:01.000 There's some of them that I just like...
00:33:02.000 I don't think I can get this anywhere.
00:33:03.000 Do you still have a VHS player?
00:33:05.000 Yes.
00:33:06.000 Really?
00:33:06.000 Yeah, I have one.
00:33:07.000 Yeah.
00:33:08.000 Whoa.
00:33:09.000 I haven't even touched it.
00:33:10.000 I'm curious.
00:33:11.000 In five years.
00:33:12.000 I haven't even touched it.
00:33:13.000 Have you gone back and...
00:33:14.000 Did you have your camera?
00:33:15.000 I just went back and digitized a bunch of stuff that I shot on my little DV stuff.
00:33:22.000 You know what?
00:33:23.000 I haven't done that, and I don't even think I'm gonna.
00:33:25.000 I just feel like...
00:33:27.000 I don't have any time.
00:33:28.000 I know.
00:33:29.000 Just let it go.
00:33:30.000 It's gone.
00:33:31.000 I feel that way with you.
00:33:33.000 I'm more inclined to do that today because everyone's taking photos of everything and video of everything, and I just feel I don't have time to look at them.
00:33:43.000 If I went and looked into my iPhoto from seven, eight years ago, just started going through all the pictures, the only thing I keep is photos of my kids.
00:33:51.000 I keep those.
00:33:52.000 I keep photos of your kids, too.
00:33:53.000 Thank you.
00:33:54.000 That's very kind of you.
00:33:55.000 I'll go to you if I need backup.
00:33:56.000 Yeah, you got it.
00:33:57.000 But other than that, that's it.
00:33:58.000 Like, what am I going to do?
00:34:01.000 Well, it's like we're...
00:34:02.000 I feel like we're in a...
00:34:03.000 I feel like I have a goldfish brain.
00:34:06.000 Like, I feel like I just, like, swim and five minutes later it's gone.
00:34:10.000 Yeah.
00:34:10.000 You know what I mean?
00:34:11.000 And I feel like I am constantly in that space.
00:34:14.000 And I feel like we record all this shit and then we don't really look back.
00:34:18.000 Maybe some people look back, but I'm the same way.
00:34:21.000 I think we're overrun by information.
00:34:25.000 I don't think our brains are even remotely capable of processing the amount of raw data that comes to you.
00:34:31.000 If you check your Google News feed, then you check your Twitter feed, and then people send me things in email, and I check those out.
00:34:39.000 I don't have the time or the storage.
00:34:43.000 It goes in and it goes out.
00:34:45.000 Yeah.
00:34:45.000 I use the Google app on my phone to search shit.
00:34:50.000 Yeah, me too.
00:34:50.000 And I'll go on there, but now Google's got, like, stories it thinks I'm gonna be interested in, and then I'll be like, oh, fuck, I guess I gotta look up whatever's going on.
00:34:58.000 And then, like, 30 minutes later, I'm like, why did I go to Google?
00:35:02.000 What was I going in there for?
00:35:04.000 That's my toilet time.
00:35:05.000 Yes.
00:35:05.000 When I'm taking a dump, I'll open that app up, and next thing you know, my legs are numb.
00:35:09.000 Totally.
00:35:10.000 You're, like, limping out of the bathroom with the weird red impressions on, like, right above your knee.
00:35:17.000 And it doesn't make any sense.
00:35:18.000 It's like I didn't get anything out of that.
00:35:20.000 Nothing.
00:35:20.000 I feel like if you have discipline, if you could avoid that, the good stories will come to you.
00:35:25.000 Yes.
00:35:26.000 The ones that you need to hear about, like, dude, have you fucking heard about what happened?
00:35:30.000 And like, okay, then you hear about it.
00:35:31.000 Yes, it is.
00:35:32.000 Because I also, there was a period of time where I was like, not reading the news.
00:35:36.000 I was parsing, I was piecing together the news based off of people's Twitter jokes.
00:35:42.000 Yeah.
00:35:42.000 You know what I mean?
00:35:44.000 Where I was like, okay, I'm going to put the math together.
00:35:46.000 I think there's been a hurricane somewhere.
00:35:51.000 But I feel like my downtime, I think I'm scared of having actual downtime because when I have actual downtime, I spend so much time inside my phone and that stresses me out.
00:36:06.000 So like, if I'm working, I don't have time to be looking at my phone.
00:36:10.000 And then I'm like, just work, you know what I mean?
00:36:13.000 But it's, and it's, I'm scared of like, downtime.
00:36:17.000 Yeah, downtime and phone time, they are very bad for you.
00:36:20.000 It's not healthy.
00:36:22.000 It's not normal.
00:36:23.000 It's not a normal interaction.
00:36:25.000 And if you're looking at shit that you're freaking out about, I was freaking out today about what's going on in Portland.
00:36:32.000 There's all these Antifa riots that are happening, and they're blocking traffic.
00:36:37.000 Really?
00:36:38.000 Yeah, and people are trying to drive to their job, and the Antifa people are telling them, go right, we're closing the street off.
00:36:43.000 They got, like, masks on and shit, and the Portland mayor apparently is not doing anything about it.
00:36:49.000 Just stressful.
00:36:51.000 They're banging on some dude's car because he refused to fucking go right.
00:36:55.000 He wanted to go straight through the street.
00:36:56.000 They were literally...
00:36:58.000 Directing traffic.
00:37:00.000 And there's all these videos of it where people are freaking out.
00:37:02.000 Because Portland is just...
00:37:03.000 It's a great city.
00:37:05.000 So fun.
00:37:06.000 But it's so overly progressive that you have this section of super far left maniacs.
00:37:15.000 That have gathered and have found a cause, and now they've decided that they're gonna...
00:37:21.000 And these are white people screaming out, fuck white people.
00:37:24.000 The whole thing is so crazy.
00:37:26.000 It's so misguided.
00:37:27.000 I just want to eat delicious food in Portland.
00:37:29.000 I just want to eat fresh food.
00:37:33.000 It's a good place for comedy, too.
00:37:35.000 It is fun.
00:37:35.000 It's a great comedy town.
00:37:37.000 It's a great town.
00:37:38.000 Yeah, it's the best.
00:37:39.000 It's just, you know, when you get a town of millions of people, you're going to have a fucking few thousand assholes.
00:37:45.000 There's just no way around that.
00:37:47.000 Yeah, everywhere I've gone, I've seen you find that.
00:37:50.000 The Pacific Northwest is interesting.
00:37:52.000 I found the homeless vibes in Portland, Seattle, and San Francisco.
00:37:57.000 It's intense right now.
00:37:59.000 You know, Seattle or rather San Francisco has a new app that you can locate human shit on to alert the health department.
00:38:07.000 It's like a crap app.
00:38:08.000 I love it.
00:38:09.000 Only in San Francisco there's like, it's a startup.
00:38:11.000 They have a real problem.
00:38:13.000 They have a giant problem over there.
00:38:14.000 Dude, it's intense, man.
00:38:16.000 It's intense.
00:38:17.000 They got too liberal.
00:38:18.000 They were just too open-minded with the homeless folks.
00:38:22.000 Fuck.
00:38:23.000 And these people are just shitting, openly shitting in the gutter.
00:38:26.000 Look at that.
00:38:26.000 There's the poop map.
00:38:28.000 Oh, I like the coloring.
00:38:29.000 I wonder when they discover they're like, we can do varying levels of breath.
00:38:32.000 What is that area that seems to be covered?
00:38:34.000 Is it like that's downtown in Barcadero, like right off the Mission and shit?
00:38:39.000 Fuck.
00:38:40.000 Look how much shit there is.
00:38:41.000 That's the poop area.
00:38:43.000 That is crazy.
00:38:44.000 Like on all those corners is human shit.
00:38:46.000 Oh, man.
00:38:47.000 And that's not an exaggeration.
00:38:49.000 I was there.
00:38:50.000 My friend Jake put it up on his Instagram.
00:38:52.000 A guy with his pants down just spraying shit out of his ass into the street.
00:38:58.000 He was standing on the sidewalk, ass to the street, just spraying.
00:39:01.000 Dude.
00:39:03.000 I mean, I do that, but that's like...
00:39:04.000 But I do it for art.
00:39:06.000 It's art.
00:39:07.000 It's my art.
00:39:07.000 You know what I mean?
00:39:08.000 And it's for leisure.
00:39:11.000 I gotta do something to take my mind off work.
00:39:12.000 Have you ever shit in public?
00:39:13.000 Have you ever had a public shitting?
00:39:14.000 Not on purpose.
00:39:16.000 Yeah, I shit my pants.
00:39:17.000 I shit my pants a couple times in public.
00:39:18.000 But I mean, I kept it inside my clothing.
00:39:22.000 I shit my pants.
00:39:23.000 I was thinking about, I was coming in here and being like, do I have any, like, I'm like, I don't do MMA or anything.
00:39:27.000 I was like, did I ever do karate?
00:39:29.000 I was like, oh right, I did karate until I was like seven.
00:39:32.000 And I did it and I like, I remember being, I was in a class with a bunch of cops in my town.
00:39:38.000 They had like a self-defense class and I was friends with like a cop.
00:39:42.000 And so he's like, come take the karate class.
00:39:44.000 I was like, sure.
00:39:45.000 We go in and take it.
00:39:47.000 And I'm wearing the gi, and I was sick so I just kept nodding it.
00:39:53.000 You know what I mean?
00:39:54.000 And I kept nodding it, and then I'd go to class and I'd eaten fettuccine Alfredo.
00:40:02.000 And I'm sitting there, and I'm taking the class, doing my little kicks, and then I'm like, I gotta go to the bathroom.
00:40:07.000 And I get to the bathroom, and I can't untie the nuts.
00:40:11.000 It's too many fucking nods.
00:40:12.000 And I just, I'm six, I just fucking spray diarrhea down my, down my gi, and then like go back to class.
00:40:20.000 Oh no!
00:40:21.000 You know what I mean?
00:40:22.000 And like all these cops, yeah, all these cops are like, oh this little dirty little fuck.
00:40:28.000 And I was like, I think that's the last time I took karate.
00:40:31.000 That was the end of my mixed martial arts career.
00:40:33.000 Yeah, that could be a problem.
00:40:35.000 Have you ever fought so hard that you lose control?
00:40:37.000 Does that happen?
00:40:39.000 Well, you shit yourself?
00:40:40.000 Yeah, like marathon.
00:40:40.000 Guys have done that inside the octagon for sure.
00:40:43.000 Yeah, there's actually a new rule in some athletic commissions.
00:40:46.000 They stop a fight just for hygiene concerns.
00:40:50.000 Yeah.
00:40:50.000 Someone shits themselves.
00:40:52.000 Sure.
00:40:52.000 But it's happened many times.
00:40:53.000 Yeah, cause you think if like you got an open wound and you got shit, there's like some...
00:40:57.000 Yeah, real issues.
00:40:58.000 Yeah, there's some real duty, some major duty issues there.
00:41:01.000 The real problem.
00:41:02.000 Fuck.
00:41:03.000 And there was that marathon runner who lost her like...
00:41:06.000 Yeah, that's happened a bunch of times apparently.
00:41:09.000 Marathon runners just shit themselves all the time, just keep running.
00:41:13.000 I'm not...
00:41:13.000 See, I'm not that...
00:41:14.000 Are you that way, isn't it?
00:41:15.000 Like, you'll push your...
00:41:16.000 Like, I'm like, I would never push myself to that point where I'm like, yeah, I'll push myself to the...
00:41:20.000 It really depends on what it meant to me.
00:41:22.000 I mean, if I had some deep emotional reason to finish this marathon, like, my dad died or something.
00:41:31.000 You know what I mean?
00:41:32.000 Have you done that?
00:41:33.000 Bert runs marathons.
00:41:34.000 Bert and Ari run marathons, right?
00:41:36.000 I don't think Ari's ever run a marathon.
00:41:37.000 His dad did.
00:41:38.000 His dad ran a marathon.
00:41:40.000 His dad is a Holocaust survivor in his 80s, and he ran a six-hour marathon.
00:41:44.000 And we were telling Bert, there's no fucking way you're going to beat Ari's dad.
00:41:49.000 Ari's dad's in his 80s.
00:41:50.000 Bert, you're a fat fuck.
00:41:52.000 But he did.
00:41:52.000 He beat him by like a half hour.
00:41:54.000 Bert did it in like five hours and 30 minutes.
00:41:55.000 But Ari's dad was like 70s, 80s running a marathon.
00:41:59.000 80s, yeah.
00:41:59.000 I think he's 82. If you can survive the Holocaust, man, what's a fucking marathon?
00:42:04.000 You know what I mean?
00:42:05.000 Well, he was also in the Israeli army.
00:42:07.000 He's a tough old dude.
00:42:09.000 Well, yeah.
00:42:10.000 But you look at Ari, you're like, I can see.
00:42:12.000 It's like there's that version of Jew, like that skinny Jew, that can run a marathon.
00:42:17.000 Like, I buy that.
00:42:18.000 Yeah.
00:42:19.000 It's like, I can see that.
00:42:21.000 Well, when we started doing this fitness thing, Ari had, you know, we have the Sober October thing, and then there's this fitness challenge attached to it.
00:42:28.000 And Ari literally hadn't worked out at all in, I think he said 10 years.
00:42:33.000 I think 10 years ago, he was taking jiu-jitsu with me.
00:42:36.000 That's the last time he did any exercise at all.
00:42:40.000 How's he doing?
00:42:41.000 He's doing great.
00:42:42.000 He's in second place right now.
00:42:43.000 He's right behind me.
00:42:44.000 It is a game of genetics on some level, right?
00:42:47.000 It's just a game of will.
00:42:48.000 Yeah.
00:42:48.000 Yeah, because this thing that we're using, all it does is measure your heart rate.
00:42:52.000 So if you're just willing to keep your heart rate elevated and push yourself...
00:42:56.000 Right.
00:42:57.000 It just depends on, yeah, like, what is your level of competition that you want to fucking...
00:43:01.000 Yeah, and how strong is your will?
00:43:04.000 That's really what it is.
00:43:05.000 Is there anything to it if you have an exercise in ten years and you all of a sudden start to exercise, your heart rate goes up naturally because it's like, what the fuck's going on?
00:43:13.000 You were trying to think that.
00:43:14.000 Maybe he's so fucking out of shape that he's just walking and his heart rate's pinned.
00:43:21.000 But I don't think so.
00:43:22.000 But see, this thing is very flawed, this fucking, this thing that we have, because it gives you the same amount of points for 80% of your heart rate as it does for 90. So for the first day, I was like, I'm gonna bury these motherfuckers.
00:43:36.000 And I pegged my heart rate at 90 for like 35 minutes.
00:43:39.000 I was like, I'm just gonna leave them in the dust.
00:43:41.000 They can't keep up.
00:43:42.000 And then I found out that all you have to do is keep it at 80, which is like 143 beats per minute, which is easy.
00:43:48.000 You could walk and talk.
00:43:50.000 And keep it at 143. If you're on an elliptical machine, you could have a full-on conversation no problem at 143 beats a minute.
00:43:57.000 So it's flawed.
00:43:58.000 It's a little flawed.
00:43:59.000 And there's that difference between 80 and 90% where you're getting that extra burn.
00:44:04.000 But it's a matter of the sheer time you put in.
00:44:07.000 That's what's separating everybody in this little challenge.
00:44:12.000 That Ari will put in two and a half hours.
00:44:14.000 Like he will watch a movie and just keep his heart rate pegged at 143. 43, 146 beats a minute for two and a half hours.
00:44:21.000 Just because he wants to fucking beat you guys.
00:44:23.000 Yeah, he just wants to win.
00:44:24.000 And he's been talking mad shit about it.
00:44:27.000 At first I was like, you know what, this contest is so fucking stupid.
00:44:31.000 There's no real stakes.
00:44:34.000 We haven't established what happens to the loser.
00:44:38.000 We haven't established what the winner gets other than a belt.
00:44:40.000 We have a belt, a silver October belt.
00:44:43.000 Like a WWE belt.
00:44:45.000 Yeah, sure.
00:44:45.000 Getting one made.
00:44:47.000 That's so funny, but it's all just wanting to beat your friends.
00:44:50.000 Yes, and for a while I was like, fuck, I'm just going to do my normal workout, and if they beat me, they beat me.
00:44:55.000 And then I thought about it, and I was like, I can't let that happen.
00:44:58.000 So I started ramping it up.
00:45:00.000 I decided over the last couple of days, I took three days off because I had to go to Vegas and I had to work, and then I decided yesterday I'm going to fuck these guys up.
00:45:09.000 So yesterday and today, I've been hitting it hard.
00:45:11.000 I did three and a half hours today.
00:45:14.000 Yeah.
00:45:14.000 That's crazy.
00:45:15.000 Do you feel good?
00:45:17.000 I feel great.
00:45:17.000 Yeah.
00:45:18.000 I mean, yeah.
00:45:19.000 And physically, do you feel different?
00:45:20.000 Yeah.
00:45:20.000 You do or do not feel different, like, being completely sober?
00:45:26.000 Well, I'm definitely high as fuck from all this running.
00:45:28.000 Yeah.
00:45:29.000 There's no doubt about that.
00:45:30.000 That's real.
00:45:31.000 Like, runner's high is legit.
00:45:33.000 Like, if you run for two hours and then a rock falls in your car from the sky, you'll be like, hmm, guess I lost my car.
00:45:39.000 Right.
00:45:41.000 You get so silly.
00:45:43.000 And I get the same way from yoga.
00:45:45.000 You get silly.
00:45:46.000 There's a silliness to you.
00:45:48.000 Yeah.
00:45:49.000 I hate running so much.
00:45:51.000 I fucking hate it.
00:45:52.000 I'd rather go, like, I started playing soccer again.
00:45:56.000 Soccer's great.
00:45:56.000 Yeah.
00:45:57.000 That's a serious aerobic workout.
00:45:59.000 That's intense.
00:46:00.000 Like, I finished that.
00:46:01.000 My problem is I turn bright red as soon as I do anything with any, and I'm like, the color, like a deep maroon.
00:46:08.000 And I'm like, but it's great.
00:46:09.000 But I need a game attached to it.
00:46:12.000 I can't just run.
00:46:13.000 That's why jujitsu is so good for me.
00:46:15.000 That's what I love about jujitsu.
00:46:16.000 You're doing something.
00:46:18.000 Yes.
00:46:18.000 You're trying to, you know, you're doing a martial art.
00:46:21.000 Yeah.
00:46:21.000 It's exhausting.
00:46:22.000 Yes.
00:46:23.000 And you get a great workout in while you're having fun.
00:46:26.000 Beating the shit out of somebody.
00:46:27.000 Yeah, choking people.
00:46:29.000 Never mind.
00:46:30.000 I'm like, I'll go play soccer.
00:46:31.000 And then slightly injure myself.
00:46:33.000 Now, as I'm getting older, it's like every time I do it, I do something to fuck up my body.
00:46:38.000 You definitely can do that.
00:46:39.000 You know what we have here that's amazing?
00:46:41.000 We have this HTC Vive.
00:46:43.000 It's a virtual reality headset.
00:46:44.000 And there's a boxing game.
00:46:47.000 So you put this headset on, and you see boxing gloves in front of you, and there's a dude in front of you who looks really good.
00:46:53.000 And you throw punches, and his head snaps back.
00:46:55.000 So you get that aerobic workout without pounding your fucking head.
00:46:59.000 And when he hits you, you see sparks.
00:47:01.000 Really?
00:47:02.000 Boom!
00:47:02.000 Like he hit you.
00:47:03.000 Yeah, you don't feel anything, but it makes you nervous.
00:47:06.000 Like, damn, he got me!
00:47:08.000 I've done rounds where you fight these people, and you get exhausted.
00:47:12.000 Boxing seems to be a crazy aerobic workout.
00:47:15.000 It's great.
00:47:15.000 Yeah.
00:47:16.000 The getting hit in the head thing is fucking terrible for you, though.
00:47:19.000 It's so bad for you.
00:47:20.000 Yeah, man.
00:47:22.000 I've been so averse to that shit.
00:47:24.000 I was talking to Louie about that because he was boxing for a while, and he was like, I love sparring.
00:47:28.000 I go, you're sparring?
00:47:30.000 He goes, yeah.
00:47:31.000 I go, how often are you sparring?
00:47:32.000 And he's like, you're sparring quite a bit.
00:47:34.000 I go, dude, I go, I know you're having a good time, but you have to understand, there's real consequences to this.
00:47:41.000 You're getting in car accidents constantly.
00:47:42.000 You're getting hit.
00:47:43.000 If you're getting hit in the head, that counts.
00:47:46.000 And you're doing it when you're 48 years old, and you're fat, so you're not moving a lot.
00:47:52.000 You don't got great head movement and shit.
00:47:54.000 And your muscles aren't there to take whatever that...
00:47:57.000 There's real consequences to getting hit.
00:47:59.000 So how often do you do that?
00:48:00.000 I don't do that at all.
00:48:01.000 You never get hit in the head?
00:48:02.000 No, I don't do it at all.
00:48:03.000 No.
00:48:04.000 I stopped doing it a long time ago.
00:48:06.000 I hit the bag, I'll hit pads, and I'll light spar with someone who I know real well where I won't hit them.
00:48:13.000 If we touch each other, it'll be like this.
00:48:15.000 But what about all...
00:48:16.000 Jiu Jitsu is different because it's just choking and the arm bars and stuff like that.
00:48:20.000 There's no hitting each other.
00:48:23.000 The hitting in the head is fun.
00:48:25.000 It's fun.
00:48:26.000 It's fun to hit people.
00:48:27.000 It's fun to not get hit.
00:48:28.000 It feels good to take a shot and give one back.
00:48:31.000 But the consequences are real.
00:48:33.000 And I see too much of it.
00:48:35.000 I see this slow...
00:48:38.000 It's degrading of your cognitive ability.
00:48:41.000 I've seen it in too many people.
00:48:43.000 What do you think?
00:48:44.000 Do you think anything's going to happen with football?
00:48:46.000 Yeah.
00:48:47.000 I think people are going to wise up.
00:48:51.000 I think fighting is way better for you than football, and I think fighting is terrible for you.
00:48:55.000 I think football is the worst because they're running at each other full clip and slamming into each other.
00:49:01.000 All day.
00:49:01.000 It's like driving off a cliff.
00:49:04.000 Constantly.
00:49:04.000 Over and over again.
00:49:05.000 Over and over again.
00:49:06.000 It's fucking nuts.
00:49:07.000 We have a friend and they have a kid who's in high school who has severe depression from football.
00:49:14.000 He's all fucked up from football.
00:49:17.000 And they can't believe that it happened so fast.
00:49:19.000 I would go, how long has he been playing?
00:49:21.000 Like, he's been playing for a couple years.
00:49:23.000 He's been getting smashed in the head for years.
00:49:26.000 Because it's just like, when you watch a football practice, those dudes are just like, boom!
00:49:30.000 And less and less now, I think they're finally realizing.
00:49:33.000 But when we were growing up, all my buddies played football.
00:49:36.000 Every drill was like, alright, stand in a circle and let's have these dudes fucking run into each other full speed over and over.
00:49:43.000 You know what they're finding out now?
00:49:44.000 That getting hit in the body is as bad as getting hit in the head.
00:49:48.000 Really?
00:49:49.000 Yeah!
00:49:49.000 Because when you get slammed in the body, your head snaps back.
00:49:53.000 And your brain goes whoosh whoosh inside your fucking skull.
00:49:56.000 And you think that concussions only come from getting a head injury.
00:50:01.000 That's not the case.
00:50:02.000 They're finding that people get concussions from getting hit in the body.
00:50:06.000 So this is pure ignorance.
00:50:07.000 In boxing or whatever, when a guy gets knocked out, that's a concussion, right?
00:50:12.000 Oh yeah, most of the time.
00:50:13.000 And so those guys are just getting...
00:50:15.000 They're getting concussions all the time.
00:50:17.000 Yeah.
00:50:17.000 And they get concussions even when they win sometimes.
00:50:22.000 There's a guy named Joe Valtellini who's been on the show before.
00:50:24.000 He's a world championship kickboxer.
00:50:26.000 He had to retire after he won the title.
00:50:28.000 He won the fight.
00:50:30.000 And then afterwards, his head injury was so severe, he couldn't look at the light from a charger from a phone.
00:50:38.000 You know, like a phone charger?
00:50:39.000 He had to be in total darkness for months at a time.
00:50:42.000 Or for weeks at a time, rather.
00:50:43.000 And what saved him was actually CBD oil.
00:50:46.000 Really?
00:50:47.000 Yeah, CBD oil is pretty good at reducing inflammation.
00:50:50.000 It's pretty radical in its effect.
00:50:52.000 And that brought it all down for him.
00:50:55.000 I haven't tried CBD oil very much.
00:50:57.000 It's great.
00:50:57.000 Yeah.
00:50:58.000 It's really good.
00:50:58.000 For pain and stuff like that?
00:51:00.000 It's great for pain.
00:51:00.000 It's great for anxiety.
00:51:02.000 And one of the more important things is it doesn't fuck with you like...
00:51:07.000 Cognitively.
00:51:07.000 Yeah.
00:51:08.000 It doesn't make you high.
00:51:08.000 It's not right.
00:51:09.000 Right.
00:51:09.000 So you can do it and just go do stuff, but it alleviates anxiety, calms you down.
00:51:15.000 They think that some anxiety may coincide with inflammation.
00:51:20.000 Oh, that makes sense.
00:51:21.000 Yeah.
00:51:22.000 Like physical inflammation that it...
00:51:24.000 Yeah, so when you take the oil drops, it's also good for just your overall, your whole system, your gut biome.
00:51:35.000 It's good for everything.
00:51:35.000 Yeah, I've just been smoking weed forever.
00:51:38.000 That's good, too.
00:51:39.000 That helps.
00:51:40.000 I went to Burning Man this year.
00:51:43.000 Uh-oh.
00:51:45.000 I had just a fucking wild time.
00:51:49.000 I know you've talked about it.
00:51:50.000 I'd never done acid before.
00:51:52.000 I did acid for the first time.
00:51:54.000 How was it?
00:51:55.000 It was fascinating.
00:51:57.000 I've done mushrooms somewhat regularly for most of my adult life.
00:52:02.000 Not crazy amounts, but once a year, depending on...
00:52:06.000 And always loved it.
00:52:07.000 I was like, if I were left with one thing, it might be that one.
00:52:11.000 Because I like the...
00:52:13.000 Warmth, like the organic, the giggles, the warmth, and everything.
00:52:16.000 You love everybody.
00:52:17.000 I love everybody, and it is.
00:52:19.000 When people used to talk about what ecstasy was, I was like, oh, that's mushrooms.
00:52:23.000 You just feel giggly and warm and connected.
00:52:28.000 But I was like, you know what?
00:52:30.000 I'm going to Burning Man.
00:52:32.000 A couple buddies were like, I've done this acid before, and I haven't read the Michael Pollan book, but I was like, enough, there's enough, and I know you've been talking about it, there's enough around there that I'm like, I'm ready.
00:52:43.000 Because I remember in my late 20s, someone was trying to buy mushrooms, and they were like, I got acid, and I was like...
00:52:48.000 I'm not going to do it.
00:52:49.000 At least when we were kids, there was that fear that you do acid, you could fry your brain forever.
00:52:54.000 Yeah, you never come back.
00:52:55.000 Right.
00:52:55.000 And I don't know if that was the kind of acid people were doing, or if it's just people were doing a ton of it.
00:53:00.000 They think now that what that is, it's people that are schizophrenic.
00:53:05.000 Right.
00:53:05.000 And there's a certain percentage of the population, like they were trying to make a correlation between...
00:53:11.000 Marijuana use and schizophrenia, that it causes schizophrenia, but they found that the numbers are the same as the general population.
00:53:18.000 The numbers of people who use marijuana become schizophrenic is the same numbers.
00:53:21.000 It's just you take a hundred people, there's going to be one of them that's going to be schizophrenic, whatever the number is, whether it's 1% or higher.
00:53:27.000 Sure.
00:53:28.000 And they think, though, that it can exacerbate the situation and it can actually bring it on.
00:53:34.000 Like, say, maybe if someone has maybe sort of a manageable...
00:53:38.000 Because schizophrenia exists like many diseases do on a spectrum.
00:53:42.000 Sure.
00:53:43.000 You know, there's really bad cancer and these people have a mild cancer that they get over.
00:53:46.000 Yeah.
00:53:46.000 Well, with schizophrenics, if they do acid or if they do even edible marijuana apparently can bring it on.
00:53:53.000 Shit, man.
00:53:54.000 I don't think I'm schizophrenic, but anytime I eat pot, I feel like I am.
00:53:59.000 I can't eat it.
00:54:00.000 I can't.
00:54:00.000 I'm just like immediately like...
00:54:02.000 The thing is a little...
00:54:03.000 You got to do baby doses.
00:54:04.000 That's the key.
00:54:05.000 The key with...
00:54:06.000 Edible marijuana is great at about 10 to 20 milligrams.
00:54:10.000 Yeah.
00:54:10.000 Then you get to that Joey Diaz level where he's doing 500, 1,000.
00:54:14.000 He's a big boy.
00:54:15.000 He's not just...
00:54:17.000 But even he quit.
00:54:18.000 He quit edibles.
00:54:19.000 Really?
00:54:19.000 Yeah, he quit.
00:54:20.000 I can't, I just like, early on I was like, I tried edibles and I just remember, I remember being in Austin, I don't know if it was South By or whatever, and I had like a cookie, like a little bit of a, it was earlier, much earlier than now how regulated things are, and I ate a little bit and like went back to my hotel room and I was like...
00:54:38.000 Ooh, I can't even look.
00:54:40.000 I was like, I can't look at the screen.
00:54:41.000 And I just, like, walked the streets, went to the city, the capital, the state capital, and just, like, looked at the, like, portraits of the former governors of Texas.
00:54:50.000 And then was like, got, like, sober-ish.
00:54:54.000 And then my buddies were like, we're going to a gun range.
00:54:56.000 And I was like, all right.
00:54:58.000 I went to a gun range.
00:55:00.000 And I was like, I'm not firing a gun, but I'll just, like...
00:55:03.000 And I was like, this is...
00:55:04.000 It was, like, eight hours later, and I'm still, like, a mess.
00:55:07.000 But, uh...
00:55:08.000 But I was like, you know what?
00:55:10.000 I'm going to Burning Man.
00:55:11.000 I'm going to try acid.
00:55:13.000 I went with my buddy.
00:55:14.000 It was my college roommate.
00:55:15.000 Neither of us had done it before.
00:55:17.000 A guy had given it to us who was like, I've done this acid.
00:55:20.000 I know how to do it.
00:55:21.000 He's like, I recommend taking some of this acid and listening to classical music and eating fruit.
00:55:27.000 That was his.
00:55:28.000 And I was like, all right.
00:55:30.000 Listen to classical music and eat fruit.
00:55:32.000 Yeah.
00:55:32.000 And I was like, I like classical music and I like fruit.
00:55:35.000 So I was like, this sounds great.
00:55:37.000 I was like, so we're out in the fucking desert and we eat it on our last day.
00:55:42.000 And have you been to Burning Man?
00:55:44.000 No.
00:55:45.000 I thought it was...
00:55:46.000 I was kind of blown away.
00:55:47.000 I found it...
00:55:48.000 I enjoyed it very, very much.
00:55:51.000 It's fucking weird.
00:55:52.000 I mean, it's like...
00:55:52.000 I'm sure.
00:55:53.000 But it's...
00:55:54.000 I don't know.
00:55:54.000 It was like people executing whatever they're doing incredibly well.
00:55:58.000 And there's a lot of different versions of it and stuff, but it's kind of...
00:56:02.000 There's a lot of pranksters there.
00:56:04.000 It's actually not.
00:56:05.000 There's a hippy-dippy quality to it, but then there's some real people kind of fucking with people in a fun way that I got a kick out of.
00:56:11.000 But we took acid at, I don't know, four, and we're driving around the desert.
00:56:18.000 Everyone's on bikes.
00:56:19.000 You're just on a bike driving around.
00:56:21.000 Did you have to wear a mask?
00:56:23.000 No, the dust was fine.
00:56:25.000 It was cool.
00:56:25.000 And we start kind of feeling it.
00:56:29.000 I've had visuals on mushrooms before, but this all of a sudden, the meltiness of everything started to set in.
00:56:36.000 Have you done Acid in the Desert before?
00:56:38.000 No.
00:56:39.000 Never in the desert.
00:56:40.000 It's a good place for it.
00:56:44.000 Just because visually what's happening is pretty interesting.
00:56:50.000 We're driving around on bikes and we see these...
00:56:53.000 Immediately then some couple is like, can you take a picture of us as we try to do a duo yoga pose with the sunset?
00:57:02.000 I'm like...
00:57:03.000 Okay, I'm trying to deal with my camera.
00:57:06.000 You know what I mean?
00:57:06.000 And you're like, okay, I think this is what you want.
00:57:10.000 And then we drive away from there, and there are these porn stars who were taking pictures of themselves.
00:57:16.000 And I was like, we're in the Burning Man spirit.
00:57:19.000 We're like, well, give them the gift.
00:57:21.000 Of our music.
00:57:22.000 And, like, they don't want...
00:57:23.000 They don't want...
00:57:24.000 I'm not even hitting nothing.
00:57:25.000 I'm just, like, literally, like, driving around.
00:57:27.000 We've got our little, like, you know, our little Bluetooth speaker playing classical music.
00:57:31.000 And they don't give a fuck.
00:57:32.000 They don't want any of it.
00:57:34.000 And then we go and sit.
00:57:35.000 And we're just now starting to peak right at sunset in the desert.
00:57:42.000 And it's, like...
00:57:44.000 It was like, oh, this feels like some version of what Heaven feels like, you know, like where the sky, the colors in the sky are unbelievable and all of a sudden all the desert, all the sand, you know, it's like this real fine alkaline dust.
00:58:01.000 And it's like, you feel like you're seeing some real, like, grid work, you know?
00:58:05.000 I don't know if you have that feeling where you're like, oh, I can feel like I'm seeing some underlying dynamics of the structural stuff.
00:58:13.000 I've seen that on mushrooms.
00:58:14.000 Yeah.
00:58:15.000 Yeah, where it feels like you're witness to the pattern of things.
00:58:20.000 Yes.
00:58:21.000 Like, there's some sort of...
00:58:23.000 Yeah, the structure of things.
00:58:24.000 Yeah, and that's what it felt like.
00:58:25.000 You were like...
00:58:26.000 You're looking at this crazy...
00:58:29.000 Veneer.
00:58:30.000 Yeah, so you're seeing this sand, this very fine light sand with the really red mountains and then the blue...
00:58:38.000 Really crisp blue sky with the white clouds, and it felt like you were like, oh, I'm seeing some structural shit that's going on.
00:58:47.000 It was quite...
00:58:49.000 And we're listening to this guy, Eric Satie, who's like a classical musician, and eating cherries.
00:58:55.000 And we're like, this is pretty fucking sweet.
00:58:57.000 That's cool that you followed it to a T. You went with the fruit and the music.
00:59:01.000 We were like, why not?
00:59:02.000 Let's just have it.
00:59:02.000 Why not?
00:59:03.000 And I think classical music is...
00:59:05.000 But it was interesting, because I... So then the sun sets, and it's like, even at the height of it, it didn't feel warm like mushrooms have felt.
00:59:17.000 It felt like...
00:59:19.000 Clinical.
00:59:21.000 Clinical, exactly.
00:59:22.000 That's exactly the word.
00:59:23.000 I have a theory about that.
00:59:24.000 It's very interesting that you said you took it riding bikes, too, because that's in a lot of ways an homage to Albert Hoffman.
00:59:30.000 That's how he found out about it.
00:59:33.000 You know, he synthesized LSD and, you know, got it in his skin when he was working with it and then rode his bike home.
00:59:41.000 And on the bike ride home, realized, oh my god, I'm fucking tripping balls here.
00:59:48.000 Without even knowing what tripping was.
00:59:49.000 Yeah, I mean, he...
00:59:50.000 He knew something was going on.
00:59:52.000 He made it.
00:59:53.000 I mean, he made...
00:59:54.000 I believe...
00:59:55.000 Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the initial reason for creating...
01:00:02.000 I think they were they were trying to come up with a drug to induce labor I'm pretty sure that was the original I think that's what they were working on and in the process synthesized LSD and LSD as a compound and it's One of those unbelievably potent compounds where someone...
01:00:27.000 I think it was Terrence McKenna described it as the power to weight ratio is so huge that it's like if you had one ant that dismantled the Statue of Liberty in 30 minutes.
01:00:40.000 That's how potent LSD is.
01:00:44.000 Yeah.
01:00:45.000 Well, I mean, I took...
01:00:46.000 I think I actually said the Empire State Building.
01:00:48.000 Jesus.
01:00:48.000 I took a responsible amount.
01:00:52.000 I was like, I don't need to lose my mind here.
01:00:55.000 I've only micro-dosed it.
01:00:57.000 Well, one time I doubled the micro, but still, it was a small dose.
01:01:02.000 But it was enough to just like, okay, here it is.
01:01:17.000 Huh.
01:01:20.000 Hmm.
01:01:22.000 Maybe because he was on his bike.
01:01:25.000 Wow.
01:01:29.000 Not knowing.
01:01:29.000 He was not after, like, a psychedelic drug experience.
01:01:32.000 No, I don't believe so.
01:01:33.000 Dosed at 420 p.m., y'all.
01:01:35.000 Did he really?
01:01:36.000 Look at that.
01:01:36.000 Go down a little bit.
01:01:37.000 That's hilarious.
01:01:39.000 Yeah.
01:01:39.000 That is hilarious.
01:01:40.000 He dosed himself at 420. It was most intense from 6 to 8 p.m.
01:01:48.000 during that time.
01:01:48.000 He rode home on his bicycle.
01:01:50.000 Fuck.
01:01:50.000 It's the best.
01:01:51.000 It feels great.
01:01:51.000 So we sort of are peaking around sunset.
01:01:57.000 And it feels like I'm with my buddy of 20 years.
01:02:01.000 I've known him since college.
01:02:02.000 We've gone through our lives together.
01:02:04.000 And there's that thing when you trip where you're like, that space-time continuum thing.
01:02:09.000 It feels less linear time where you're like, I'm having thoughts that I had 20 years ago, and I'm having them today, and I'm going to have them in 20 years.
01:02:17.000 The linear nature of all this feels a little less...
01:02:21.000 And I'm with my buddy who's been a witness to my life.
01:02:24.000 So we're having this great, large conversation about our lives and all that shit, and the sun's setting.
01:02:29.000 It's beautiful.
01:02:30.000 And then it gets dark, and it's like...
01:02:33.000 All right, let's go watch the man burn now.
01:02:36.000 Like, you know, at Burning Man, everybody gathers.
01:02:39.000 70,000 people gather.
01:02:41.000 You go to this big central area where the man who's been sitting there for seven days is in.
01:02:47.000 There's like a crazy fire starter show.
01:02:50.000 Fireworks go off, and then you burn this like 30-foot man.
01:02:55.000 And it's dark, and it's night, and it's like...
01:02:59.000 It was the other side.
01:03:01.000 It felt like heaven and hell, you know?
01:03:03.000 Like, where you're all of a sudden...
01:03:04.000 And that's where I felt like...
01:03:06.000 It was weird, because that's where I felt the clinical thing, where I'm like, I feel sort of high, but I now feel actually quite sober.
01:03:15.000 And I felt like I'm witnessing these things, and I feel removed from them in a way that when you're...
01:03:21.000 I feel like when you're...
01:03:24.000 On mushrooms in some way, you feel kind of inside of the flow of nature.
01:03:32.000 But I was also like, by the time the end of Burning Man, there are people there all week and building it and putting all this stuff together and artists, it's interesting.
01:03:40.000 And then there is definitely a section of Burning Man which is just super wealthy people showing up for debauchery and to be around models who are nearly naked.
01:03:52.000 And it's like, and that's when, and you look around and the aesthetic of Burning Man is like somewhere between like Mad Max, Game of Thrones and Tron.
01:04:05.000 It's somewhere in that space, which is fucking rad.
01:04:09.000 But then when you're kind of on acid and you're kind of looking around, and I had this feeling of like, ugh, the rich are here to collect their spoils.
01:04:18.000 You know what I mean?
01:04:19.000 Do you think that having the great experience of seeing the sky and the desert and all the beauty, and when you're like, wow, this is amazing, and then when you have something like a fire, and then on top of that you have a giant group of people,
01:04:35.000 And then you realize there's not really a lot of law enforcement here.
01:04:39.000 This seems like it could be completely chaotic.
01:04:41.000 Yeah.
01:04:41.000 And it is.
01:04:42.000 The fire itself is protected because I think someone ran into the fire last year.
01:04:46.000 He died, right?
01:04:47.000 Yeah.
01:04:47.000 Fucking killed himself.
01:04:48.000 Ran right into that fire.
01:04:50.000 This year it was like...
01:04:51.000 This year was pretty well regulated, like, because we had seen a couple nights before at Sunrise, there was like, you know, they have all this, it's...
01:04:59.000 What I found to it was like the kind of the duality of it all.
01:05:03.000 Like, Burning Man feels very much like there's this, like, sacred and profane shit all happening together, and it's oftentimes pretty cool.
01:05:10.000 And, like...
01:05:12.000 Sunrise a couple mornings earlier, there's this 20-foot wooden dragonfly statue that someone had built, and they light it on fire.
01:05:21.000 They're just like, now we're going to burn it.
01:05:23.000 Some dude had spent a year making this statue, and he's like, now we're going to fucking burn it.
01:05:27.000 And so there were park rangers all around it, and so there's no getting inside.
01:05:33.000 They light it on fire, and then the sun rises over to the left, and then I looked up, and there were like 30 people parachuting out of the sky.
01:05:43.000 At sunrise.
01:05:43.000 And you're just like, what the fuck is going on?
01:05:45.000 But it was really cool.
01:05:47.000 I really enjoyed that.
01:05:49.000 But by the time Saturday rolled around, you know, there is something about fire that's very primal.
01:05:56.000 And you can feel like there's some pagan quality to it all.
01:06:00.000 And it's cool, but it's like you could feel like everybody's energy kind of getting...
01:06:06.000 A little darker and more primal.
01:06:09.000 And I hit a point where I was like, alright guys, I gotta get out of this 70,000.
01:06:15.000 And I also had a fear of like, I wasn't scared of the fire.
01:06:18.000 I was scared of like, I was seated watching and I was like, I'm scared of a trampling.
01:06:22.000 Yeah, that's what I mean by like the giant group of people and then also with a fire and and then a gathering When when you're dealing with a big gathering there's always the potential for someone acting out whether they just need a lot of attention or they go crazy or I mean think about adverse reactions to psychedelics yes and 70,000 people the potential for something going haywire is pretty high Yeah.
01:06:48.000 What I found interesting over the whole week was – because I was pretty skeptical.
01:06:52.000 I didn't go in.
01:06:53.000 I went in being like, I want to experience this thing that a lot of people have experienced.
01:06:57.000 I just want to, like, know what that experience is.
01:07:01.000 But what I found fascinating is there's some law enforcement around.
01:07:05.000 There's some rangers around.
01:07:07.000 But there's really no – it's pretty anarchical.
01:07:10.000 Like, there's really very little – But in so much, there's actually, like, some unspoken rules that basically everybody's kind of following, which I found kind of fascinating, where, like, there's no...
01:07:23.000 Everybody's on bikes.
01:07:25.000 There are crazy art cars running around with, like...
01:07:28.000 Fucking shooting fire into the air.
01:07:30.000 There seems to be no regulatory board being like, let me make sure that your crazy 30-foot, three-tiered, iron car is up to standards.
01:07:44.000 There seems to be very little of that, and yet it all seems to function pretty smoothly.
01:07:50.000 Like there's like some unspoken acceptance of certain rules.
01:07:54.000 I'm sure there are people freaking out.
01:07:56.000 I know there are people like, but it's mostly people like being like, I took too much drugs and I didn't hydrate.
01:08:00.000 And like they go to the medic and they're, but like weirdly I found it all operating pretty smoothly.
01:08:09.000 But that's when the acid then sort of turned a bit where I was like, there's some darkness here that I want to get away from.
01:08:19.000 Well, it seems like whenever you have a situation where you get a bunch of people that want to do something outside the norm, they want to get together and they want to experience...
01:08:29.000 Experience something that's just, they're bored with society and this is their big break and it seems like there's so much expectations and there's kind of a code that these people want to follow.
01:08:41.000 And that code is that, you know, it's almost like a utopian vision of a better society, even if it's for only a week or so.
01:08:48.000 Yeah.
01:08:49.000 And I think it works for a week.
01:08:50.000 Like, I don't know if society...
01:08:52.000 I don't know how a society would function in, like, largely lawless...
01:08:56.000 I mean, the biggest rules are, like, don't put your trash anywhere.
01:09:00.000 Like, there's no garbage cans anywhere.
01:09:01.000 Don't pee outside.
01:09:02.000 Like, pee in a porta potty.
01:09:04.000 Pee in a jug.
01:09:05.000 Take it back.
01:09:06.000 Dump it out.
01:09:06.000 Because there's, like, no mark.
01:09:08.000 Leave no mark.
01:09:09.000 And it works.
01:09:11.000 But I guess it works for a week.
01:09:13.000 Where you're, like, everybody's agreed for that week.
01:09:16.000 And then you go back to your life.
01:09:18.000 But, like...
01:09:19.000 I don't know.
01:09:20.000 I got a fucking kick out of it.
01:09:24.000 There's one night...
01:09:25.000 There are all these crazy light shows.
01:09:27.000 At night, it becomes this crazy Tron light show everywhere you look.
01:09:33.000 The horizon, for as far as you can see, is just people on bikes that are all lit up.
01:09:38.000 Crazy art cars.
01:09:39.000 Crazy pieces of art that are lit up.
01:09:42.000 And it's...
01:09:44.000 Really wild.
01:09:44.000 But like you go, you know, you ride around bikes and all of a sudden we like roll up to this area where there's like a mechanical arm holding these lights that are LED lights that are in a circle.
01:09:57.000 And you lie below it and it's like a light show, you know.
01:10:00.000 But it's this like vortex light show.
01:10:02.000 So everybody's kind of looking up at it and it's really trippy and fun.
01:10:06.000 Everyone's like, whoa, it's so trippy.
01:10:08.000 And I laid down.
01:10:09.000 I was like, this is red.
01:10:10.000 And then this dude rolls up.
01:10:12.000 My friend sees this...
01:10:13.000 You know those costumes of, like, those, like, Tyrannosaurus Rex, like, that they're inflated and they kind of are, like...
01:10:21.000 You know, you see, like, dudes, like, walking around.
01:10:23.000 They're, like, individual-sized things, but they're, like...
01:10:26.000 It's super weird.
01:10:27.000 So I look at this guy and I start cracking up.
01:10:30.000 And my buddy just took that...
01:10:32.000 Tyrannosaurus Rex and walked him through the middle of everybody having their quiet, trippy moment.
01:10:38.000 So this Tyrannosaurus Rex just kind of rolls through and everybody's just like, hey!
01:10:43.000 And he's just like, he was here before you.
01:10:47.000 So it's kind of fun.
01:10:48.000 It's just like everybody's having their trippy moment and then it gets fucked up.
01:10:54.000 And then a minute later, they're back to their trippy moment.
01:10:57.000 I got a fucking kick out of it.
01:10:59.000 It was weird.
01:11:00.000 Yeah, I don't know if that would work long-term either, because you'd have to have resources, right?
01:11:05.000 You'd have to have food and water and land, and then who controls the food, water, and land?
01:11:10.000 I think one of the things, the reason why it works so well is because it's outside of culture, or it's outside of civilization.
01:11:18.000 You go to a place and everybody meets there.
01:11:20.000 Yes.
01:11:21.000 Yes, nobody has an established, like, dominance or domain over it at all.
01:11:25.000 You just are entering on the same page.
01:11:27.000 We've been talking about this a lot lately, like, cults never work.
01:11:31.000 Like, there's not a single, like, one of these wild, wild country things, or, you know, Waco, or the guys in, what was the one in San Diego where they cut their balls off?
01:11:43.000 Heaven's Gate.
01:11:43.000 Yeah, Heaven's Gate.
01:11:44.000 They never work.
01:11:45.000 They never work.
01:11:45.000 No one has nailed it.
01:11:47.000 How come no one can...
01:11:48.000 But Burning Man's kind of nailed it.
01:11:50.000 But the way they nailed it is they just do it for a little bit and then they go back to life.
01:11:54.000 Yeah, and I guess the guy who founded it or passed away this past year.
01:11:59.000 So they think he was in the middle of the burn this year.
01:12:03.000 But even he...
01:12:04.000 It's not a cult of personality.
01:12:06.000 I think that's the thing.
01:12:07.000 If you decentralize that...
01:12:10.000 And at the center of it is this fucking man-burning.
01:12:14.000 I think if you take that element away...
01:12:16.000 I think the problem with cults is...
01:12:18.000 Is there any cult that isn't driven by one central force?
01:12:24.000 It's always a person.
01:12:25.000 It's always a person and it always gets fucked up because that person...
01:12:33.000 It's always playing off of this weird alpha chimpanzee instinct that we have to have like a big daddy, the daddy that has all the messages and is in touch with God or the UFO behind the asteroid or whatever the fuck it is.
01:12:50.000 There's always this one person, whether it's Jim Jones or fill in the blank.
01:12:55.000 There's someone who has all the answers.
01:12:57.000 And there's a weird desire that people have to look to this one person that has all the answers.
01:13:03.000 Yes.
01:13:05.000 It's a tribal thing.
01:13:06.000 It's a tribal thing, and it's specifically if you're someone who gets into a cult, you are searching for something.
01:13:11.000 You're searching for some solidity or something, and if you've got that person at the middle, it's like, I got you.
01:13:18.000 Don't worry.
01:13:18.000 I'll give you the way it all fucking works.
01:13:20.000 People are like, oh, thank God.
01:13:22.000 But I was thinking about Scientology and being like, well, shit, man.
01:13:28.000 Tom Cruise, if you can learn to fly a helicopter in four months, maybe it's not so bad.
01:13:34.000 Bill Burr can fly a helicopter.
01:13:36.000 I know.
01:13:36.000 He didn't use Scientology.
01:13:37.000 No.
01:13:38.000 He used a helicopter instructor.
01:13:39.000 Yeah, but it took him probably a couple years.
01:13:41.000 I don't think it took him that long.
01:13:43.000 But Bill Burr did fucking...
01:13:44.000 Yeah.
01:13:44.000 Bill Burr is a dude who likes to figure stuff out.
01:13:48.000 Yeah, he's a really good drummer.
01:13:49.000 Have you ever seen him drum?
01:13:50.000 I mean, no.
01:13:51.000 I think I've seen a YouTube of it.
01:13:53.000 He's fucking really good.
01:13:54.000 He could be in a band.
01:13:56.000 Yeah.
01:13:57.000 But in his cars, he is building that truck.
01:14:01.000 Yeah, that old 68. What is it?
01:14:03.000 A 68 Ford pickup truck, I think it is?
01:14:05.000 Yeah, I think so.
01:14:05.000 Yeah, that thing's cool.
01:14:07.000 That's got a manual transmission on the column.
01:14:11.000 It's one of those weird old school ones where you shift the gears like next to the steering wheel.
01:14:17.000 Right.
01:14:17.000 That's how they used to do it.
01:14:18.000 Yeah.
01:14:18.000 I think they called it three on the tree.
01:14:20.000 Oh, yeah.
01:14:21.000 And he fucking loves it.
01:14:23.000 I mean, that's a brain that likes that stuff.
01:14:26.000 Yeah.
01:14:26.000 And likes to like wants to learn to master flying a helicopter.
01:14:30.000 Yeah.
01:14:30.000 There's a couple of improvisers I know too who were like, I think Thomas Middleditch learned to fly a plane, my buddy Neil Casey.
01:14:38.000 I'm like, that stuff is a real, I'm like, hobbyists in that way.
01:14:43.000 I'm just like, I don't care.
01:14:44.000 You don't have any hobbies?
01:14:46.000 I like hiking.
01:14:48.000 That's a good hobby.
01:14:49.000 And I like...
01:14:51.000 That's a good exercise.
01:14:53.000 Yeah.
01:14:53.000 My brain wants it.
01:14:55.000 My brain wants that and I do yoga now.
01:14:58.000 Do you do the hot yoga or regular yoga?
01:15:00.000 Regular yoga.
01:15:00.000 Do you do hot yoga?
01:15:01.000 Yeah, I like hot yoga.
01:15:02.000 Just get that fucking sweat.
01:15:04.000 Yeah, there's a study that they just did on it, or they're in the process of doing it right now at Harvard, where they're trying to find out whether you can get similar results to sauna that you get from hot yoga, because they think it's a similar situation that's happening with what's called cytokines,
01:15:23.000 or heat shock proteins.
01:15:25.000 And what they showed in these sauna studies is that 20 minutes a day, four times a week, decreased all-cause mortality by 40%.
01:15:36.000 All-cause mortality meaning heart attack, stroke, cancer.
01:15:41.000 From just sweating it out?
01:15:43.000 Yeah.
01:15:43.000 Well, your body reacts to that extreme heat.
01:15:46.000 When it's, I believe the number, what did Rana say?
01:15:48.000 Was it 180?
01:15:50.000 I think she said 180 degrees.
01:15:53.000 Yeah, 170, 180, something like that.
01:15:55.000 Something like that.
01:15:55.000 170 or 180. And you do that for 20 minutes, four times a week, and there's a radical decreasing of your overall systemic inflammation because of that.
01:16:08.000 Getting it that hot makes you less inflamed because it's like, all right, we got it out of our system there.
01:16:13.000 Well, your body reacts to it.
01:16:15.000 Your body reacts to that heat and it produces these heat shock proteins.
01:16:19.000 And these heat shock proteins apparently are just fantastic at decreasing inflammation all throughout your body.
01:16:25.000 I gotta figure that out.
01:16:26.000 It's all bass for me is like turning red.
01:16:29.000 Yeah, dude, I have one here.
01:16:31.000 I fucking love it.
01:16:32.000 I use it all the time, almost every day.
01:16:34.000 You just sweat it out, go in there.
01:16:36.000 I just crank that bitch up, and I found that AirPods, you can put AirPods in, and they don't overheat.
01:16:42.000 Your phone will overheat.
01:16:43.000 Yes.
01:16:44.000 You can't have your phone in there, it'll shut off.
01:16:45.000 Yeah.
01:16:46.000 But you can have your phone outside the salon and have the AirPods on, and you can just listen to a podcast or listen to a book on tape.
01:16:51.000 What are you listening to?
01:16:54.000 Usually podcasts.
01:16:54.000 Yeah.
01:16:55.000 Yours?
01:16:56.000 Do you listen to your podcasts?
01:16:56.000 No.
01:16:57.000 I listen to mine if it sucked or if it's something that I need to, like Rhonda Patrick, like when she's spouting out science and I have to hear it over and over again to get it into my stupid brain.
01:17:09.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:17:10.000 Or if I, like, that podcast sucked and I need to listen to it to find out where it went off the rails.
01:17:15.000 Uh-huh.
01:17:16.000 Yeah.
01:17:17.000 Yeah.
01:17:18.000 Isn't that the bummer of trying to be good at what you do, is paying more attention to the shit that doesn't work?
01:17:24.000 You have to.
01:17:25.000 Like bad sets, bad comedy sets, I always listen to those.
01:17:28.000 Do you listen to those?
01:17:29.000 I fucking hate them.
01:17:31.000 I don't even like listening to the good ones, but the bad ones are ruthlessly painful.
01:17:35.000 Fuck.
01:17:36.000 Yeah, I gotta listen to the good ones because I'm like, what did I... It's like, not like, what was so special about me, but being like, oh, I improvised this, this, and this.
01:17:47.000 Oh, that's big too, yeah.
01:17:48.000 But the problem is, like, part of the joy, the reason it was fun is because it felt fresh.
01:17:53.000 And then you try to recreate it, and it just doesn't have the same fucking juice.
01:17:58.000 It's possible to recreate some things.
01:18:01.000 Yes.
01:18:02.000 Some things, they were in the moment.
01:18:05.000 There's a thing that the audience knows, too.
01:18:08.000 Have you ever seen a guy who's faking improvising?
01:18:13.000 It's the saddest thing ever.
01:18:14.000 When you see someone work the crowd, and then you go, this guy's brilliant.
01:18:18.000 And then you see him the next night, and he does the same shit.
01:18:20.000 And you go, oh, it's a trick.
01:18:22.000 Yeah.
01:18:23.000 Well, there's a moment that happens when you're improvising with an audience where someone says something and you just have the perfect response out of nowhere.
01:18:34.000 They know that you just came up with it out of nowhere and it just works.
01:18:37.000 But there's also lines that you add to a bit that just came up out of nowhere and maybe they just crushed that night, but they're still viable.
01:18:46.000 There's something to it.
01:18:47.000 You just have to figure out how to recreate it.
01:18:49.000 Yes, but it's that feeling also of not wanting to be a...
01:18:53.000 How do you build material on stage, keep it, have it feel fresh without feeling like a fraud, like a parlor magician?
01:19:02.000 Yes, yes.
01:19:02.000 Which is sort of like the tricky thing to do.
01:19:06.000 You gotta be less self-aware and you gotta be more involved, for me at least, I have to be more connected to the idea that I'm saying.
01:19:17.000 I have to recreate my own personal wonderment that's involved in the idea.
01:19:24.000 Because they can smell it if you're not.
01:19:26.000 You have to really be in the moment.
01:19:29.000 If you're doing a bit about bottled water, you have to be thinking about bottled water.
01:19:33.000 You have to be like, what in the fuck?
01:19:35.000 And then it has to be real.
01:19:38.000 But if you're not thinking about it and you're just saying the words...
01:19:41.000 They fucking smell it.
01:19:42.000 Yeah.
01:19:43.000 They're little smelly animals.
01:19:45.000 They fucking know it, man.
01:19:46.000 Yeah, even when they're psyched to see you and they like you, they're still like, nah, it's a weird thing.
01:19:52.000 Yeah, you're not in it.
01:19:53.000 Yeah.
01:19:53.000 Yeah.
01:19:54.000 But you gotta be warm.
01:19:55.000 Are you back out?
01:19:56.000 I mean, I've seen you doing spots.
01:19:57.000 You're back out building a new material.
01:19:59.000 Yeah, I'm at like 25, 30 minutes.
01:20:04.000 It's a grind.
01:20:07.000 It's a grind, man.
01:20:08.000 I do my show.
01:20:11.000 We write Big Mouth.
01:20:13.000 It takes us five, six months to write and voice it.
01:20:18.000 And when I'm writing all day, it's tough to go out and do spots at night.
01:20:22.000 What was it like to break it up to do your Broadway gig for a while?
01:20:25.000 Yeah, it was great.
01:20:27.000 I mean, that was the most fun.
01:20:28.000 That was like, me and Mulaney do, we did it off-Broadway for like 25 days, something like that, and then toured it a little bit five days in Boston, five days in D.C., L.A., New York, whatever.
01:20:42.000 Not New York.
01:20:43.000 And then we went back and did the Broadway show.
01:20:45.000 We did 140 shows.
01:20:47.000 Like 138 shows every night, you know, five show weekends.
01:20:51.000 And that was the most fun.
01:20:54.000 That was the most fun.
01:20:55.000 Because you're on stage with your buddy.
01:20:59.000 So you got someone, even on the nights it's not working.
01:21:01.000 You know when you're doing a show and you're like, I know they like me, but this is not fun.
01:21:05.000 They're tired, whatever.
01:21:07.000 But you're up there alone.
01:21:08.000 All of a sudden you got someone else up there who you can make eye contact with and be like, fuck these fucking eyes.
01:21:14.000 You know?
01:21:15.000 Let's fuck with him a little bit.
01:21:16.000 You know what I mean?
01:21:17.000 Without saying a word, we both know we're like, let's fuck with him tonight.
01:21:21.000 And because we wrote it, we could improvise, change whatever we wanted every night.
01:21:26.000 It was like having a stand-up set that you could improvise with your buddy in character that was...
01:21:33.000 You knew every beat you had to hit, but you had a lot of freedom within it.
01:21:37.000 It was the most fun.
01:21:39.000 So it's like stand-up, but...
01:21:42.000 Not.
01:21:42.000 Yeah, like it was largely, we built it to be presentational so we could talk to the audience at any point.
01:21:49.000 Because there's something about doing like a play or even when I was early on doing sketch, it's embarrassing.
01:21:56.000 You know what I mean?
01:21:56.000 You're like, I guess we're going to pretend like we're in a fucking Chinese restaurant right now, but you're in the audience.
01:22:03.000 We're all in the same room right now.
01:22:05.000 It sucks to not be able to do a joke and not have it work and not be able to talk to the audience about it.
01:22:11.000 Or be angry at the audience directly, or whatever it is.
01:22:14.000 So we could do that.
01:22:15.000 So we were presentational like you're doing stand-up, but we've written this play that has real scenes in it.
01:22:19.000 And then we built in an interview in the middle where we would interview different people.
01:22:24.000 Like on the Netflix special, it's Steve Martin.
01:22:27.000 And we also had Michael J. Fox on the special as well.
01:22:31.000 But every night it was someone different.
01:22:32.000 And it was anyone from, you know...
01:22:35.000 We got Letterman to do it, but we also had like Robin Bird.
01:22:39.000 Remember Robin Bird?
01:22:40.000 She was the Channel J cable access porn stripper interview show in New York in like the 80s and 90s.
01:22:47.000 There's no reason you would know it except if like you were 13 and going to sleep at your friend's house in the city and jerking off the fucking strippers getting interviewed like I was.
01:22:57.000 I kind of remember the name.
01:22:59.000 Yeah.
01:22:59.000 I kind of remember that scene.
01:23:01.000 If you Google Robin Bird, you'll see some old, there she is.
01:23:03.000 You know, it was like, you could see just the quality of that kind of like cable access 80s New York shit.
01:23:11.000 We had her on the show because we felt like our boys would be interacting with Robin Bird, you know?
01:23:17.000 So we'd have her and then we had like, you know, crazy.
01:23:21.000 So every night we got to interview someone different.
01:23:23.000 It's like a mini live podcast in the middle of the show.
01:23:27.000 So we just built the most fun show for us to do every night.
01:23:31.000 It was great.
01:23:31.000 It was the most fun.
01:23:32.000 And then we finished that and then came back and I did that.
01:23:36.000 We wrote that.
01:23:37.000 We did that in between season one and season two of Big Mouth because it takes so long to write it and then to animate it and all that stuff.
01:23:47.000 So that was...
01:23:48.000 So we wrote and voiced most of Big Mouth Season 2 before, you know, last year.
01:23:56.000 It just takes forever.
01:23:58.000 So in the time that you did it, did you do stand-up at all while you were doing it or just did it?
01:24:04.000 While we were doing Oh Hello, there was no stand-up at all.
01:24:06.000 When we were doing Big Mouth, I'd go out and do like a couple spots, you know, here and there.
01:24:11.000 That's exhausting, right?
01:24:12.000 Time-wise?
01:24:13.000 Yeah, it's just like nine hours, ten hours, and you're just pitching jokes all day long, and it's like, you know, for me, I do a bunch of the voices on the show, so I'm pitching for myself, I'm pitching for my, you know, all the other characters, and you're just, at any given moment, you're watching, you're writing,
01:24:28.000 you're breaking an episode, you're rewriting another episode, you're giving notes on a radio play of just the audio, you're giving notes on...
01:24:39.000 We're good to go.
01:24:56.000 You're just, yeah, you're just given, you're rewriting.
01:24:59.000 It's the beauty of animation, too, that you just keep getting to fucking, you know, figure stuff out when something's not working or just keep, you know, it's good for that kind of perfectionist polisher of, like, what you're talking about where you're like, what's not working?
01:25:14.000 You keep getting to figure out what's not working, you know, versus, like, live action where you're like, I hope I got it.
01:25:20.000 It's got to be.
01:25:20.000 That's incredibly time-consuming, and it must be exhausting.
01:25:24.000 Yeah, it kind of is.
01:25:25.000 It's at the end of the day, you're like, am I going to go out and do a spot now?
01:25:29.000 Yeah.
01:25:30.000 I don't know.
01:25:30.000 I think there's a balance, right?
01:25:32.000 You can't burn yourself out too much, because then you won't have the jokes for the next day.
01:25:37.000 You'll be too fried.
01:25:38.000 You've got to pace yourself.
01:25:39.000 I mean, everybody works differently.
01:25:40.000 Our pacing is pretty good.
01:25:44.000 You're, you're, you, yeah.
01:25:46.000 I mean, there are certain times where I'm like, ooh, I feel cooked.
01:25:49.000 But it's like anything else where you're like, you train your brain in that space where you're like, the first two weeks you come home, your brain is exhausted at the end of the night.
01:25:56.000 And then two weeks in, you're like, oh, okay.
01:26:00.000 I got my endurance back up.
01:26:01.000 I can do that nine hour day.
01:26:05.000 What did you do to keep your energy level during the day?
01:26:08.000 Did you take any nootropics or do anything like that?
01:26:10.000 No, I would actually be curious because I get hammered at like 2.30pm.
01:26:16.000 I want to nap.
01:26:18.000 And I can't.
01:26:19.000 But I'm not thinking or acting like you are.
01:26:22.000 So I'm like coffee in the morning and then I crash and I eat sugar and then I fucking crash.
01:26:30.000 I don't know what I'm supposed to be...
01:26:32.000 I'll take any advice you got.
01:26:34.000 I would say that the sugar part is the biggest thing you should get rid of.
01:26:38.000 Yeah.
01:26:38.000 Yeah, that's the thing that makes you crash the hardest because you're eating donuts and shit.
01:26:42.000 Fucking turkeys.
01:26:43.000 They taste delicious, but your body has a really hard time processing that shit, and afterwards you just...
01:26:49.000 Like, the other day I was in Vegas, and because it was on a Sunday, I was like, ah, fuck it, man, I'll just have some pancakes or something like that.
01:26:56.000 So I had crepes, and I had this yogurt with all this, it was like, you know, flavored vanilla yogurt with fruit in it and shit, and I had, oh, and I had two cupcakes, or two donuts, because they had homemade donuts at the hotel.
01:27:13.000 I was like, alright, I'll get a couple of donuts.
01:27:16.000 Yeah.
01:27:16.000 I felt like dog shit for the next six hours.
01:27:19.000 I was just like, oh.
01:27:21.000 I felt like I had been drugged.
01:27:23.000 Like I was exhausted.
01:27:24.000 Well, your body's probably truly not used to it.
01:27:26.000 I've trained my body.
01:27:27.000 Yeah, you train your body.
01:27:28.000 You get accustomed to it.
01:27:29.000 Yeah, but I think there's a certain amount of...
01:27:32.000 You get accustomed to that terrible feeling, and it's just the normal feeling that you have after you eat.
01:27:36.000 But even after like...
01:27:37.000 Even let's say I have like a greens and protein lunch, where I'm like, fuck it, I'm having a salad with chicken or something like that.
01:27:44.000 Still, I just hit that, like, my body wants 15 minutes to close its eyes at like 2.30pm.
01:27:50.000 Yeah.
01:27:50.000 Whatever is happening.
01:27:51.000 Do you just lay on the couch in your office for a little bit?
01:27:53.000 I'll do that.
01:27:53.000 Yeah.
01:27:54.000 It's not bad.
01:27:55.000 I need to schedule a better end of the day to be like, hey guys, I'm walking away right now.
01:27:59.000 Because that's all it needs is like 15 minutes.
01:28:01.000 But what is it?
01:28:04.000 There's a bunch of different companies that make them.
01:28:07.000 What they are is essentially the building blocks for human neurotransmitters.
01:28:11.000 Is it gummies?
01:28:13.000 No, but powder most of the time.
01:28:16.000 Either you take them in capsule form or you drink it.
01:28:20.000 There's a good company that...
01:28:23.000 That makes one called Neuro One.
01:28:26.000 I really like that one because it's got caffeine in it too.
01:28:29.000 And then there's another one called True Brain.
01:28:32.000 That's a good one.
01:28:33.000 My company makes one called Alpha Brain.
01:28:35.000 That's my favorite one.
01:28:37.000 Not just because it's my company, but I think we did the best job of putting ingredients in that work synergistically.
01:28:44.000 But I take Neuro One a lot.
01:28:46.000 I like that one a lot.
01:28:47.000 How do you take it?
01:28:49.000 I take it in a shake.
01:28:50.000 I just mix it with water and shake it.
01:28:53.000 Like, or just whenever you need it?
01:28:54.000 Whenever.
01:28:55.000 Yeah.
01:28:56.000 I'll take it before a workout.
01:28:57.000 I'll take it before a podcast.
01:28:59.000 I'll take...
01:29:00.000 I take AlphaBrain before every UFC. Yeah.
01:29:04.000 What it is, is it helps your...
01:29:05.000 It's been clinically proven through two double-blind placebo-controlled studies at Boston Center for Memory that it increases verbal memory, like your ability to find the right word for a sentence.
01:29:16.000 Uh-huh.
01:29:17.000 Increases your reaction time.
01:29:18.000 And I'm sure when you're doing the UFC shit, you just have to be ready.
01:29:21.000 There's just no delay.
01:29:24.000 Well, it's live, and I'm recounting thousands of fights.
01:29:27.000 Like, if you hear me talk, I don't use notes, really.
01:29:32.000 I mean, I have some notes in front of me that, like, I'll get a guy's record, or he's 7-0, especially guys that I haven't seen fight too many times.
01:29:39.000 There's a few things that I'd like to just have on hand.
01:29:41.000 Most of it's all in the back of my head.
01:29:43.000 So I'm recounting a thousand plus fights that I've seen.
01:29:47.000 Has your memory always been like that?
01:29:49.000 For fights.
01:29:50.000 For fights.
01:29:51.000 For fights in certain things.
01:29:52.000 For certain things.
01:29:54.000 But like my wife will tell me something and like an hour later I'll be like, what?
01:29:57.000 You never told me that.
01:29:58.000 And she's like, I just fucking told you that.
01:30:01.000 Well, I was having a conversation with a friend recently and was like, well, I remember that your friend is Brazilian, but I have no idea where I was in April.
01:30:13.000 Do you know what I mean?
01:30:14.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:30:15.000 It's like, I don't know what that is.
01:30:17.000 Yeah.
01:30:17.000 I don't know if my memory was bad.
01:30:19.000 Like, I also, with the show, luckily my partners are great detail-oriented.
01:30:23.000 Like, I'm like improvising in the room, writing, blah, blah, blah, blah.
01:30:28.000 And I like, I don't want to type anything.
01:30:30.000 I just want to like, blah, blah.
01:30:31.000 It's verbal.
01:30:32.000 It's just all verbal.
01:30:33.000 Yeah.
01:30:34.000 And then I'll like watch a cut of the show and I'll have almost no memory of what I've said.
01:30:42.000 And I'm like, oh, that was funny.
01:30:43.000 But I'll have no memory of it.
01:30:45.000 Of where it came from.
01:30:46.000 Where it came from.
01:30:46.000 You came up with it.
01:30:47.000 Yeah, nothing.
01:30:47.000 And then I'll watch it and be like, okay, great.
01:30:49.000 We'll figure that out.
01:30:50.000 But like, that just seems to be the way.
01:30:52.000 And I don't know if that's what I've done to my brain or that's just the way it is.
01:30:56.000 I think...
01:30:57.000 Funny people, a lot of times they think in sort of that abstract way, and that usually doesn't lend itself to the best memory.
01:31:04.000 It's sort of a wild, loose, impulsive, abstract quality that, in my opinion, my friends, the funniest friends that I have sort of have that thing going on.
01:31:15.000 Do you write your jokes ahead of time?
01:31:17.000 I do now.
01:31:18.000 I've been doing that over the last maybe four or five years.
01:31:22.000 I've changed what I do.
01:31:23.000 What I used to do is I would have things that I wrote down on notebooks, and I would write a little bit on a computer.
01:31:29.000 But maybe four or five years ago, I became very diligent with my writing.
01:31:34.000 And so I write out...
01:31:36.000 I'll write and rewrite and do it all over again.
01:31:40.000 Start it from scratch.
01:31:40.000 Really?
01:31:41.000 And then go...
01:31:42.000 Yeah.
01:31:43.000 Sorry, go ahead.
01:31:43.000 And then I put it into a thing called Scrivener.
01:31:46.000 So Scrivener, you ever use that?
01:31:48.000 Mm-hmm.
01:31:48.000 I mean, I know it is, but I haven't used it.
01:31:49.000 I use that so I could switch.
01:31:52.000 There's a left-hand side where all the column is all the different subjects, and then I can move them around.
01:31:59.000 Mm-hmm.
01:31:59.000 Put this one first, that one second, and then when I click on each one that it takes me to all of the shit that I've written on that particular subject.
01:32:07.000 I've just found that it makes a big difference in my output, the quality material, like how much stuff that's good, taglines, I never forget the taglines anymore.
01:32:18.000 Because are you visually seeing, when you're on stage, are you like visually seeing the tagline in your head?
01:32:22.000 Yeah, what I do on stage, the thing that I do before I go on stage, like that day, usually within a couple hours of performing, I write things out in a notebook.
01:32:34.000 If you look at my notebook, it's like, all work, no play makes Jack a dull boy.
01:32:38.000 I write the same thing over and over again, like 30, 40 pages, because it's just a memory book, really.
01:32:45.000 I should call it a memory book rather than a notebook, because very little of it is actual writing.
01:32:49.000 Most of it is just like, I just want to make sure that I write down all the beats to whatever bit.
01:32:55.000 Yes.
01:32:55.000 Yes.
01:32:56.000 I've never found an organizational method that I like and can stick to in that way.
01:33:01.000 Like, my shit is like, there's like, my little notebooks that are like, you know, my little, that you carry up and I put on stage with a set list.
01:33:09.000 And then I've got like ideas in my phone.
01:33:11.000 And then I've got another bigger notebook with some more writing in it.
01:33:14.000 And then I got shit on a computer.
01:33:15.000 But none of it's centralized.
01:33:17.000 None of it's like...
01:33:19.000 And I'm like...
01:33:20.000 Because I also think if I sit down and write a joke, I then deliver it that night.
01:33:24.000 It doesn't ever feel like how...
01:33:26.000 I don't know.
01:33:27.000 It just takes work.
01:33:28.000 If you just try to write it out the way you're going to say it on stage, it will come off clunky.
01:33:33.000 But eventually you'll get it.
01:33:34.000 But the difference to me is if I just write in my head and then go on stage and I have a good premise and I work it out and it turns into a bit and as long as I do it a lot, I memorize it.
01:33:46.000 That...
01:33:47.000 It usually does work, but it's better if I write it out and do that.
01:33:52.000 It's better if I do both things.
01:33:55.000 I still give myself a lot of room on stage to fuck around, and I will just take a premise and run with it on stage, but if I have a bit Now, I don't allow myself to not sit in front of the screen and just write.
01:34:10.000 Write that bit.
01:34:11.000 Like, if there's a bit on, like I said, bottled water, if there's a bit on bottled water, I will write that bit out, and I will write it again, and I'll write it again, and I'll just open up Microsoft Word and start from scratch.
01:34:22.000 I'll say, okay, let's just start that bit over again.
01:34:25.000 Let's see, maybe if I just did it today, would I do it any differently?
01:34:28.000 And you've got to leave that time to do that writing.
01:34:31.000 You have to.
01:34:32.000 I really feel like there's a lot of people that say, oh, I write on stage.
01:34:35.000 Okay, I write on stage too.
01:34:37.000 But I feel like if I write on stage and I write in a computer, it's better.
01:34:42.000 Yeah.
01:34:43.000 I feel like my writing's better.
01:34:44.000 My bits, they have more depth to them.
01:34:47.000 Yeah.
01:34:47.000 Well, you're taking the time to actually think about it and then leaving yourself that room.
01:34:51.000 That's what it is.
01:34:51.000 It's the time.
01:34:52.000 It's the time and the focus, the amount of time thinking about it.
01:34:56.000 That's what I can't, that's what I'm like, especially when I'm on the show, I'm just like, that time's not there.
01:35:00.000 Yeah.
01:35:01.000 But I'm like, you gotta decide.
01:35:03.000 I feel like it's just like, whatever you're doing, are you gonna fucking jump in and do it or not?
01:35:06.000 Right, yeah.
01:35:07.000 Whatever it is.
01:35:07.000 Well, that's one of the reasons I like podcasts so much, because I'm fucking lazy.
01:35:11.000 And you don't have to do anything.
01:35:13.000 You just show up and start talking.
01:35:14.000 Yeah.
01:35:14.000 Like, you and I just talked.
01:35:16.000 I mean, we've already been talking for fucking two hours.
01:35:18.000 You just start talking.
01:35:19.000 Yeah.
01:35:20.000 That's it.
01:35:21.000 But it's interesting, like, people are happy to have that digested in this format right now.
01:35:27.000 Yeah.
01:35:27.000 But do you think you could get away with this on stage?
01:35:30.000 No.
01:35:30.000 Yeah.
01:35:31.000 I mean, you could do a podcast on stage if they knew they were coming to see a live podcast.
01:35:35.000 They would enjoy it.
01:35:35.000 Right.
01:35:36.000 And people do enjoy it.
01:35:37.000 But it becomes a...
01:35:38.000 Have you done live podcasts?
01:35:39.000 Oh, yeah.
01:35:40.000 Weird, right?
01:35:40.000 It's weird, especially if it's, like, kind of just a chat.
01:35:44.000 You know what I mean?
01:35:45.000 Like, if it's like...
01:35:45.000 Yeah.
01:35:46.000 I feel like I'm ripping these people off.
01:35:48.000 I agree.
01:35:49.000 I agree.
01:35:50.000 Unless there's, like, a specific, like, weird, like, I've done my buddy's podcast, like, uh, Manzoukas, Paul Scheer, and June Raphael have a podcast, like, How Did This Get Made?, where they talk about shitty movies.
01:36:00.000 Ah.
01:36:00.000 And then they, like, they...
01:36:01.000 Oh, that's cool.
01:36:02.000 Yeah, and then, and then you do that live, and the audience has been told what the movie is, and then we get up there and we fuck around, and that feels like everybody, there's a, but there is, like, a, it's not just a pure fuck around.
01:36:14.000 Right, there's a structure.
01:36:15.000 There's a structure to it.
01:36:16.000 That I feel like a live audience loves and deserves.
01:36:19.000 Like, they're psyched about it.
01:36:20.000 They also know what they're getting in that case.
01:36:22.000 But I agree.
01:36:23.000 Just like us shooting the shit on stage, it's like people paid real money.
01:36:26.000 They want to see something that feels more...
01:36:28.000 Yeah, if you and I were having this conversation, there's 2,000 people to our right.
01:36:32.000 It would be very fucking strange.
01:36:35.000 I'd be like, sorry folks, we're boring.
01:36:37.000 Well, but it is weird.
01:36:37.000 Like, we're on...
01:36:38.000 This is on YouTube right now?
01:36:41.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:36:42.000 What's up, y'all?
01:36:43.000 Hi.
01:36:44.000 Hey, guys.
01:36:44.000 Hi, everybody.
01:36:45.000 Hey, how are you?
01:36:46.000 Yeah.
01:36:46.000 Yeah, I mean, there's way more than 2,000.
01:36:49.000 But the thing about being in the presence of those people is what makes it odd.
01:36:54.000 Yes, I agree.
01:36:55.000 Well, it's weirdly kind of what I'm saying about when we were doing Oh Hello, which is like, we're not going to acknowledge these fucking people out there?
01:37:02.000 Right.
01:37:02.000 You know what I mean?
01:37:04.000 Let's let them know what we're doing here.
01:37:05.000 That's the cool thing about that, that you guys wrote it yourself, and you don't have to adhere to, you know, there's not a producer that wants you to stick to this ancient script.
01:37:15.000 Yeah.
01:37:15.000 There's not some, like, assistant director coming in and be like, Hi, Matthias thinks that you guys should be...
01:37:21.000 You notice that you changed this word.
01:37:23.000 That was what always drove me crazy, was on set, where you're like, I know, especially now, where I'm like, when they wouldn't let you change a word.
01:37:31.000 And I'm like, I get it.
01:37:32.000 You wrote a great joke.
01:37:34.000 Absolutely.
01:37:34.000 But I also know, I've been in a writer's room.
01:37:36.000 I know that we wrote that joke three months ago, fucking ready for lunch.
01:37:42.000 This isn't Mozart.
01:37:44.000 We didn't write some...
01:37:46.000 Perfect song that requires, like, you know, like, I respect your process, but also respect that you wrote this three months ago, and we were not in a room, and you were not with this, like, we are now in this particular situation on this day.
01:37:59.000 So let's also realize that that, and I accept that when I write for other people, that, like, whatever I was trying to do in that room, let's try to get that, but let's also acknowledge where we are in this new moment, you know?
01:38:13.000 Yeah, that was one of the more amazing things about working with Paul Sims on NewsRadio, is that he allowed you to rewrite entire scenes.
01:38:23.000 Really?
01:38:23.000 Yeah, Dave Foley was really like a secret producer of that show.
01:38:27.000 Because Dave Foley is such a brilliant writer.
01:38:29.000 What he would do is like, there would be a scene that wouldn't work, and he would sit back and he'd be like, okay...
01:38:38.000 How about if Vicki comes in, and she introduces this, and then Maura comes in here, and then he will have a totally different thing.
01:38:46.000 And he'll say to Paul, we have a new thing for you.
01:38:51.000 Tell us what you think.
01:38:52.000 And Paul will go, love it!
01:38:53.000 Yeah, and that was in rehearsals leading up to it.
01:38:57.000 But I think that that's like, to me, the best creators and...
01:39:01.000 I mean, I think there are some like auteur geniuses, but I think in general...
01:39:09.000 The best people are the ones who are ego is enough in check that they can be like, I've brought you in to collaborate with me.
01:39:17.000 Let's hear what you have to say because it might be better and it'll make me equally look good.
01:39:22.000 Nobody knows.
01:39:23.000 Nobody knows that like it's going to still say like Paul Sims created the show.
01:39:28.000 Nobody's going to know that Foley did an interesting rewrite on a rehearsal.
01:39:32.000 Well, I think Paul would even tell you.
01:39:34.000 But the thing about it was that when you write something out, just like we were talking about before, if you write jokes, they don't come to life unless there's people there.
01:39:42.000 They come to life when you're actually performing them.
01:39:44.000 A joke just doesn't exist in a vacuum.
01:39:48.000 You really need an audience.
01:39:50.000 And there's a similar process involved in...
01:39:55.000 A sitcom in that as you're running through it, then it comes to life and then you realize the clunky parts.
01:40:03.000 Yes.
01:40:03.000 Or you realize a better way to get to it or you realize, well, this is the joke.
01:40:07.000 The joke is that he doesn't know this and that this has happened to him.
01:40:10.000 Yeah.
01:40:10.000 So why don't we have it this way?
01:40:11.000 Yeah.
01:40:11.000 And you're like, ah!
01:40:13.000 Yeah.
01:40:14.000 Yeah.
01:40:14.000 I mean, that's how we do the show.
01:40:18.000 Mm-hmm.
01:40:40.000 And so by the time we're actually getting the table read, where we're hearing it again out loud, even before we get there, we've read it all out loud and put it on its feet five times before it's even getting heard in that room.
01:40:53.000 You know what's the grossest thing of all time?
01:40:54.000 What?
01:40:55.000 The fake laugh at the table read.
01:40:56.000 Yeah.
01:40:57.000 The fake writer's laugh.
01:40:59.000 Ha ha ha ha!
01:41:00.000 Yeah.
01:41:01.000 Yeah.
01:41:03.000 As you're performing it, you feel like a dirty whore.
01:41:06.000 I know.
01:41:07.000 And you hear their fake laugh.
01:41:08.000 I know, because they're just like trying to sell their joke.
01:41:10.000 They sell it to the network.
01:41:11.000 Yeah.
01:41:11.000 And the network's all skeptical hippo face, like, hmm, I don't know about this fucking piece of shit you guys are selling.
01:41:16.000 You caught the tail end of the fucking sweet spot.
01:41:20.000 Yeah, the tail end of the sitcom era.
01:41:22.000 Yeah.
01:41:22.000 You really got...
01:41:23.000 You guys...
01:41:24.000 I mean, it was a great show.
01:41:26.000 It's amazing that there's really no sitcoms anymore.
01:41:30.000 I mean, there was the fucking science one.
01:41:34.000 What is that?
01:41:35.000 Big Bang Theory.
01:41:36.000 Still won last year.
01:41:37.000 That's amazing.
01:41:38.000 It's crazy.
01:41:39.000 That was the first show that I was going to test for.
01:41:42.000 That was the first thing that they were like, we want to fly to LA to test for this.
01:41:46.000 And I was like...
01:41:47.000 I don't think I will.
01:41:48.000 They weren't offering much money.
01:41:50.000 They weren't offering a ton of money, so I was like, even then.
01:41:53.000 And by the way, that show's not bad, and those guys will never have to work again.
01:41:57.000 Ever.
01:41:58.000 But I just like...
01:42:00.000 I don't want to be locked into any...
01:42:02.000 I want to fucking do...
01:42:03.000 I want to do new stuff.
01:42:04.000 I want to fuck around.
01:42:05.000 Yeah.
01:42:05.000 I just might...
01:42:06.000 If you were stuck on that.
01:42:07.000 Yeah.
01:42:07.000 And again, those guys...
01:42:09.000 God bless them.
01:42:10.000 Yeah.
01:42:10.000 How long did you guys do new...
01:42:11.000 How was it?
01:42:12.000 Five years.
01:42:12.000 Five years.
01:42:13.000 But it was never a success.
01:42:14.000 It wasn't?
01:42:15.000 No, no.
01:42:15.000 It bombed every year.
01:42:17.000 My friend Lou Morton was one of the writers.
01:42:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:42:19.000 He used to...
01:42:20.000 You know Lou?
01:42:20.000 Yeah.
01:42:21.000 He used to wear a t-shirt every Monday of what our ratings were.
01:42:24.000 And he showed up on the set one day and it said like 88. And I went, no fucking way.
01:42:29.000 Is that real?
01:42:29.000 He goes, yep, we're number 88. I'm like, oh my god.
01:42:33.000 But by the way, whatever that number was then would now be a fucking monster hit.
01:42:38.000 Oh, the numbers that we would get in terms of viewers would be huge.
01:42:42.000 Yeah.
01:42:43.000 A huge hit.
01:42:44.000 Yeah.
01:42:44.000 In comparison.
01:42:45.000 Now it would be dead in the water.
01:42:47.000 And now it would be a huge hit and they'd be psyched.
01:42:49.000 But then it's like...
01:42:49.000 But there was the sweet spot then, which was like between Friends and Seinfeld.
01:42:53.000 That was the sweet spot.
01:42:54.000 And if you could get into that, oh, sweet baby Jesus.
01:42:57.000 You were fucking...
01:42:58.000 You made it, baby.
01:42:59.000 Fuck.
01:42:59.000 There was the Caroline in the city, single guy spot.
01:43:03.000 Suddenly Susan, they kept trying to find...
01:43:05.000 There was these shit, what Paul Simms would call these shit sandwiches.
01:43:08.000 When you have these really good shows with these slabs of shit in between them.
01:43:13.000 They were fucking terrible, terrible shows.
01:43:15.000 And they went on for a long time, and they were big hits.
01:43:18.000 But even in syndication, they're dead.
01:43:20.000 Nobody wants to watch them.
01:43:21.000 I'm trying to think, if I watch news radio in syndication, that's how I watched it.
01:43:24.000 That's probably how you watched it.
01:43:26.000 It became a hit after the fact.
01:43:28.000 That was the craziest thing about the show.
01:43:30.000 The show became popular after it was canceled.
01:43:32.000 Oh, wow.
01:43:33.000 Yeah.
01:43:33.000 Because it was on reruns on whatever, everywhere.
01:43:35.000 And it was attached to so much controversy because Phil Hartman was murdered before the final season.
01:43:41.000 Yeah.
01:43:42.000 It was all so much weirdness.
01:43:44.000 Was that the crazy...
01:43:46.000 I mean, that must have been the saddest, most intense thing in the world.
01:43:49.000 That was...
01:43:50.000 That was...
01:43:52.000 Well, it taught me a lot.
01:43:55.000 First of all, it taught me, do not stay in one of those evil relationships.
01:43:59.000 Because there's people that just, they just don't work together.
01:44:04.000 And they try to make it work together, and they wind up fucking hating each other.
01:44:07.000 And that was him and her.
01:44:08.000 It was ugly.
01:44:10.000 And I tried to get him to divorce her several times.
01:44:13.000 And he was terrified of losing his image, terrified of losing money.
01:44:17.000 I mean, he just didn't want to be a divorced Hollywood bachelor guy.
01:44:20.000 His image was a family guy.
01:44:22.000 You know, I'm a married man, family guy, everything's great.
01:44:25.000 And everything about him is like, I look like a nice man.
01:44:28.000 Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
01:44:30.000 The funniest.
01:44:30.000 But he was living in hell.
01:44:32.000 It was awful.
01:44:33.000 Yeah, she would like openly insult him at parties and stuff.
01:44:37.000 And you'd just cringe.
01:44:39.000 Just like toxic.
01:44:40.000 She hated him, you know, and she wound up shooting him in his sleep.
01:44:43.000 I mean, it was...
01:44:45.000 That's so intense, man.
01:44:47.000 Yeah, as ugly as it gets.
01:44:48.000 I mean, he took, like, NyQuil or something like that to go to sleep, and she shot him in the head while he was sleeping.
01:44:54.000 Jesus.
01:44:55.000 And how did you guys find out on, like, the next day?
01:44:58.000 Well, I found out, I think I got a phone call.
01:45:04.000 Yeah, that's what it was.
01:45:06.000 I got a phone call.
01:45:07.000 Because this is like pre-cell phone, pre-email probably.
01:45:11.000 Yeah, it was 90, I want to say 98. I guess I had a phone, but I mean, I guess I had a cell phone.
01:45:18.000 I had a shitty Motorola StarTAC.
01:45:19.000 Remember those?
01:45:20.000 Razor.
01:45:21.000 Yeah.
01:45:22.000 About 47 minutes of talk time without a battery.
01:45:27.000 Actually, now that I remember, I found about it.
01:45:31.000 This is crazy.
01:45:32.000 I found out about it from a girl I'd gone on a date with who worked for one of those shows, like Hard Copy or something like that.
01:45:38.000 She called me up and she was trying to send a news crew to my house.
01:45:43.000 What a nice person.
01:45:45.000 I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?
01:45:47.000 She's like, we have to interview you.
01:45:48.000 We're going to send a crew to your house.
01:45:49.000 I was like, what?
01:45:50.000 And then I tuned in the news, and there was helicopters flying over Phil's house, and then there was that guy who was in Cocoon, who was a really famous actor for a while, but he lost his fucking marbles.
01:46:06.000 Who was that guy that was in Cocoon?
01:46:08.000 He was a young, handsome guy.
01:46:11.000 Steve Guttenberg now.
01:46:13.000 Is that his name?
01:46:13.000 Was it Gutenberg?
01:46:15.000 Yes.
01:46:15.000 Yeah.
01:46:15.000 It was him.
01:46:16.000 Yeah.
01:46:17.000 That guy lost his mind.
01:46:19.000 He lost his mind.
01:46:20.000 And his career had fallen apart.
01:46:24.000 So pull up a photo of Steve Gutenberg.
01:46:27.000 Let me make sure it's him before I tell this fucking story.
01:46:31.000 Yeah.
01:46:32.000 Let me see.
01:46:35.000 What is it?
01:46:35.000 Is that what he looks like now?
01:46:36.000 Does he look like back then?
01:46:38.000 Yes.
01:46:39.000 Yes.
01:46:40.000 So, see if you can Google Steve Gutenberg at Phil Hartman's murder.
01:46:51.000 Because he had decided that he was going to talk.
01:46:56.000 To the police.
01:46:59.000 He was gonna talk to the press.
01:47:04.000 So he put on like a suit and he got out there and he was out there talking to the press.
01:47:12.000 And we were all like, what the fuck is he doing?
01:47:16.000 I mean, maybe...
01:47:18.000 He don't hear about this guy anymore, right?
01:47:21.000 He kind of vanished.
01:47:22.000 But he had already vanished back then.
01:47:25.000 It was already like...
01:47:26.000 It was post all those movies, post to the police academy and all that shit.
01:47:30.000 And there's a weird thing that happens to some of these guys where they just...
01:47:33.000 It's all gone.
01:47:35.000 Right.
01:47:35.000 And then they're like, oh, this is an opportunity for me to get back on camera.
01:47:38.000 And we were all, all of us were like, how well did he know Steve Guttenberg?
01:47:42.000 What the fuck is going on?
01:47:43.000 It was the strangest thing.
01:47:45.000 Him standing there with a suit on, talking to all the press and talking to people.
01:47:50.000 That's so weird.
01:47:50.000 It was so weird.
01:47:52.000 I mean, maybe I'm wrong, and maybe he did have this wonderful relationship that Phil never talked about.
01:47:57.000 Yeah.
01:47:57.000 But I was pretty close to Phil.
01:47:58.000 But I mean, I don't know.
01:47:59.000 I think there's a certain weirdness to talking to the press about someone who's just been murdered and people that are willing to go on camera and give interviews and stuff.
01:48:12.000 It's like, aren't you mourning?
01:48:13.000 Aren't you freaked out?
01:48:15.000 I don't know.
01:48:18.000 Someone was like, do you remember where you were when the OJ verdict was written?
01:48:26.000 I was in high school.
01:48:27.000 I climbed a tree.
01:48:30.000 Why'd you climb a tree?
01:48:32.000 People would be like, where were you when the OJ verdict was written?
01:48:36.000 In a tree.
01:48:37.000 I remember I was with my girlfriend at the time and she threw her hands on her face and went, oh no.
01:48:43.000 Oh no.
01:48:44.000 She just kept saying, oh no.
01:48:45.000 She just went, oh no.
01:48:47.000 Oh no.
01:48:48.000 Were you in LA? Yeah, we were watching it in my apartment.
01:48:51.000 We were watching The Verdict.
01:48:53.000 Fuck.
01:48:53.000 And I was dumbfounded.
01:48:56.000 I thought he was going to jail.
01:48:57.000 Everybody thought he was going to jail.
01:48:58.000 And she just kept going, oh no.
01:49:01.000 Oh no.
01:49:02.000 Oh no.
01:49:03.000 Oh no.
01:49:03.000 Yeah.
01:49:04.000 I just remember being in high school.
01:49:05.000 I knew Ron Goldman's sister too.
01:49:07.000 Really?
01:49:08.000 Yeah.
01:49:09.000 Yeah.
01:49:09.000 That was real weird.
01:49:11.000 Yeah.
01:49:11.000 Yeah.
01:49:12.000 Yeah, I knew his sister.
01:49:14.000 Also, Ron Goldman's father, and I can't even begin to fathom what that whole experience would be for anyone, but he felt very performative to me.
01:49:28.000 He felt like he was...
01:49:31.000 Again, I say this with all due respect.
01:49:34.000 I don't know what it's...
01:49:35.000 I would have no sense of what that experience is like.
01:49:37.000 But there are certain people who are like, oh, you do like being on camera.
01:49:39.000 I know something horrible happened to you, but you do like being on camera.
01:49:43.000 I mean, I have no idea.
01:49:45.000 I don't know either.
01:49:45.000 I mean, who the fuck knows how you would react?
01:49:47.000 I don't know how I would react.
01:49:48.000 Your son was murdered by some superstar.
01:49:50.000 Yeah.
01:49:51.000 Like, just think about how crazy that is.
01:49:53.000 Not just murdered, but murdered by a famous guy.
01:49:55.000 Yeah.
01:49:55.000 Who then is like...
01:49:57.000 Got off.
01:49:57.000 Flaunted and got off.
01:49:59.000 Yeah.
01:49:59.000 Yeah.
01:50:00.000 And it was a part of this weird race thing where it was post-Rodney King.
01:50:03.000 So there was a lot of people that felt like there was some sort of a racist aspect to it.
01:50:09.000 That like there was racist cops who got off with Rodney King.
01:50:13.000 So now it's their chance to get one for black folks.
01:50:17.000 And I have to talk to people about it, you know?
01:50:21.000 Did you watch the O.J., the documentary, and then also there was the FX show?
01:50:26.000 I watched one episode of the FX show, and I was like, damn, Cuba Good and Judy fucking nailed it.
01:50:31.000 He really seemed like O.J. in it.
01:50:33.000 It was really good.
01:50:34.000 But that's all I watched.
01:50:35.000 The documentary is interesting because it sets up LA, all like that, the preceding years leading up to it.
01:50:42.000 Post-riot.
01:50:43.000 Post-riots, all that stuff, and you're like, oh, it does lend itself to be like, oh, this was a perfect confluence of events that led to this thing of racial, everything that went into the OJ trial.
01:51:01.000 It's fucking nuts.
01:51:02.000 It's crazy.
01:51:03.000 It was a strange, strange time.
01:51:06.000 It was a strange time because it just seemed like the world was made of something that was way more flexible than I ever thought it was before.
01:51:13.000 Like, I never thought O.J. Simpson could be a murderer.
01:51:16.000 I thought murderers were bad people.
01:51:19.000 And that the people that you thought of that were good people on TV, you would never think of.
01:51:24.000 Like, O.J. was always so friendly and smiley and he would have that big laugh and he was handsome.
01:51:32.000 Talk about head injuries to CTE. It's like, you're like, I wonder what...
01:51:36.000 Oh, for sure had to do with it.
01:51:37.000 Yeah.
01:51:38.000 100%.
01:51:38.000 1,000 million percent.
01:51:41.000 Right.
01:51:41.000 In fact, his doctor said that if the trial were to take place today, his doctor at the time, they would introduce CTE. Yeah.
01:51:48.000 Yeah.
01:51:48.000 And you see all those dudes.
01:51:50.000 I mean, like, the level of violence that...
01:51:52.000 There he is.
01:51:52.000 There he is.
01:51:53.000 That's right.
01:51:54.000 Police Academy, right?
01:51:54.000 Oh, yeah.
01:51:55.000 Naked Gun.
01:51:55.000 Naked Gun.
01:51:56.000 Oh, that's right.
01:51:57.000 He's funny in Naked Gun.
01:51:58.000 But it's interesting.
01:51:59.000 You go back and watch that documentary, and it's like, you know, his buddies, like, his good buddies who stood by him.
01:52:06.000 Look at that picture.
01:52:07.000 Yeah.
01:52:08.000 His good buddies who stood by him talk about him in high school and he's kind of like he was fucking throwing his friends under the bus in high school.
01:52:15.000 Like all three of them would be like doing some like in the bathroom like doing some shit they're supposed to be in class and the principal would come in and the three of them are all together and OJ would just like saddle up next to the principal and be like what are we gonna do with these two guys?
01:52:31.000 You know what I mean?
01:52:32.000 He was, like, throwing his buddies under the bus.
01:52:35.000 You're like, oh, he was...
01:52:36.000 CTE fucked him up.
01:52:38.000 I don't know what kind of man he would have been, like, whether he would have been so violent or whatever, but you're like...
01:52:42.000 So he was a piece of shit, plus CTE. It kind of felt like he was a piece of shit his whole life.
01:52:46.000 Well, how about the book, If I Did It?
01:52:48.000 How crazy...
01:52:50.000 How crazy is that, that he wrote a book, If I Did...
01:52:53.000 I didn't do it, but if I did it...
01:52:55.000 Did you see the...
01:52:56.000 Did you ever...
01:52:56.000 Have you ever seen his prank show?
01:52:59.000 Juiced?
01:53:00.000 Oh yes, that's post the murder.
01:53:03.000 Oh yeah, post the murder, man.
01:53:04.000 Yeah.
01:53:04.000 It's fucking crazy.
01:53:05.000 Did you ever see his rap song?
01:53:07.000 No.
01:53:08.000 Oh, young Jamie, find it!
01:53:11.000 Look at him.
01:53:11.000 Look at him.
01:53:12.000 Oh yes, yes.
01:53:13.000 This was part of that Juiced, I think, thing, right?
01:53:15.000 It's in that same thing.
01:53:16.000 Was it part of Juiced?
01:53:17.000 It's all these young little hotties who look like Nicole.
01:53:23.000 It's so fucking weird.
01:53:24.000 What is that picture of him with the glasses?
01:53:26.000 That's from one of the sketches?
01:53:28.000 Look at that.
01:53:29.000 That is crazy.
01:53:31.000 What in the fuck is that?
01:53:32.000 Boy, he can go anywhere with that.
01:53:33.000 He can go to Disneyland just like that.
01:53:35.000 That's what you do if you're that famous and you did something awful like that.
01:53:38.000 You gotta go in disguise.
01:53:40.000 How many chicks bang him just because he's OJ? Probably a lot.
01:53:43.000 You still think people are gonna bang him?
01:53:46.000 Yes, 100%.
01:53:48.000 I wonder.
01:53:49.000 Would it say OJ pretended he would what?
01:53:51.000 What does it say?
01:53:51.000 Cuckolded this guy.
01:53:52.000 He pretended to cuckold this guy?
01:53:54.000 Oh god, the poor guy.
01:53:56.000 I don't know, man.
01:53:57.000 I wonder.
01:53:58.000 100%.
01:53:59.000 Yeah, there's wacky broads that want to bang murderers.
01:54:03.000 Really?
01:54:03.000 Yeah, I guess so.
01:54:06.000 There's a guy that we had in here, Nick Yarris, who went to jail.
01:54:10.000 He was on death row for 22 years for a crime that he didn't commit.
01:54:16.000 And he said since getting out, he was asking on the podcast with these women to stop sending him emails.
01:54:22.000 I'm married.
01:54:23.000 I have a good relationship.
01:54:25.000 Please leave me alone.
01:54:27.000 Stop testing me.
01:54:29.000 Really?
01:54:29.000 Yeah.
01:54:30.000 They just throw that pussy his way.
01:54:32.000 Interesting.
01:54:33.000 Yeah.
01:54:33.000 Well, Richard Ramirez, the Night Stalker, that guy apparently got all these women were sending him pictures and email, or letters, actually.
01:54:43.000 Yeah.
01:54:43.000 And he wound up marrying some woman.
01:54:45.000 Really?
01:54:46.000 Yeah.
01:54:46.000 Manson got married.
01:54:49.000 Yeah.
01:54:50.000 A lot of them get married.
01:54:50.000 Fuck.
01:54:51.000 Yeah.
01:54:52.000 Real common.
01:54:54.000 Fuck, man.
01:54:55.000 Crazy, yeah.
01:54:56.000 I mean, look.
01:54:57.000 I'd fuck OJ. I would too.
01:54:59.000 I'd fuck him with you.
01:55:00.000 We'd high-five each other.
01:55:03.000 Would you want the front or the back?
01:55:05.000 I would want...
01:55:05.000 I think I'd want the front.
01:55:09.000 The front would be more dangerous if you had a CTE flashback and bit your dick off.
01:55:13.000 Oh, that's true.
01:55:14.000 You can control the back a little better.
01:55:16.000 Control the hips a little bit.
01:55:17.000 I wonder how his teeth did in prison.
01:55:20.000 He's out now, right?
01:55:21.000 Yep, he's out.
01:55:22.000 Yeah.
01:55:22.000 Which is really weird.
01:55:24.000 That's wild.
01:55:25.000 What is O.J. doing these days?
01:55:27.000 I can't remember what he was doing recently.
01:55:29.000 Who do you think he is, Jamie?
01:55:30.000 He's got a good podcast.
01:55:32.000 I've done his podcast before.
01:55:33.000 I put on my Twitter, should I interview OJ on my podcast or nah?
01:55:40.000 What was the response?
01:55:41.000 Moshe Kasher just sent me a text message like, what the fuck are you doing?
01:55:48.000 I guess that would legitimize him, I guess.
01:55:51.000 It'd be quite an interview.
01:55:52.000 Would that legitimize him?
01:55:53.000 I've heard that before.
01:55:55.000 O.J. Simpson, living life of luxury in Vegas, 23 years.
01:55:59.000 What year is this?
01:55:59.000 This is 18. Oh, this is just now.
01:56:01.000 Last week.
01:56:19.000 Wow.
01:56:22.000 What the fuck?
01:56:24.000 Look at him.
01:56:24.000 Look at you.
01:56:25.000 Getting some young pussy.
01:56:27.000 Look at that girl.
01:56:28.000 I can't believe I fucked OJ. OMG. People fuck him.
01:56:32.000 I guarantee you girls fuck him.
01:56:34.000 100%.
01:56:35.000 I wonder.
01:56:36.000 Probably more than us combined.
01:56:38.000 The reporter travels around town with his own breathalyzer.
01:56:41.000 Simpson reporter travels around town with his own breathalyzer.
01:56:44.000 If he exceeds a certain blood alcohol level, he could be sent back to prison.
01:56:49.000 So maybe he should just stop drinking.
01:56:51.000 Maybe he should just stop drinking.
01:56:54.000 He enjoys a martini a day.
01:56:57.000 What is the blood alcohol level where they send you back to prison?
01:57:02.000 How crazy is that?
01:57:03.000 You're free, but if you have three beers, you're fucking in a cage, you piece of shit.
01:57:07.000 He's on parole, I guess, right?
01:57:08.000 He was on the Ali G show, or the thing that Sasha Grant Cohen did.
01:57:11.000 He's at the very, very, very end of it.
01:57:13.000 He was trying to talk him into saying that he did it.
01:57:17.000 Yeah, I think OJ was more aware of what was going on than a bunch of the other people on that show.
01:57:24.000 Well, I mean, you've got to think he's probably hyper-paranoid that someone's fucking with him.
01:57:29.000 Fuck.
01:57:29.000 I think everybody's fucking with him since always.
01:57:31.000 Fuck.
01:57:32.000 Fuck, man.
01:57:34.000 Crazy.
01:57:35.000 Look at him.
01:57:36.000 Yeah, more young pussy for OJ. OJ wanted to meet me.
01:57:40.000 My name is Nicole.
01:57:41.000 He said that's my favorite name.
01:57:43.000 Oh my god.
01:57:45.000 That is insane.
01:57:47.000 Darkness, dude.
01:57:48.000 But, you know what?
01:57:49.000 I bet he gets a lot of those vacant-eyed young ladies to accept his murderous penis.
01:57:53.000 I don't know.
01:57:54.000 I have trouble believing that, maybe.
01:57:56.000 Why?
01:57:57.000 Because you think the world is good?
01:57:58.000 Do you ever ironically fuck somebody?
01:58:00.000 No.
01:58:02.000 I think some gals would do that, right?
01:58:04.000 Ironically fuck a murderer?
01:58:06.000 I guess so.
01:58:07.000 I can't imagine.
01:58:08.000 Maybe?
01:58:09.000 I can't imagine.
01:58:10.000 I don't know what the social, like, the currency of that is.
01:58:14.000 When Scott Peterson was sent to death row in California, San Quentin prison for murdering his wife and their unborn child, dozens of women phoned asking for his address with one teenager wasting no time and offering to marry him.
01:58:26.000 Wow.
01:58:27.000 Yeah, this is what I think.
01:58:30.000 I think there is some sort of ancient DNA that people have that attracts them to murderers and conquerors because those are the people that survived.
01:58:40.000 And there's some sort of a strange inclination for some women Obviously ones that are not thinking clearly, but for some women to want the sperm and the genetics of a murderer.
01:58:55.000 Because that's the type of, if you had a murderous, brave conqueror for a child, that child would survive.
01:59:02.000 Huh.
01:59:03.000 Like that DNA is in wartime.
01:59:05.000 Yeah, I mean, I get some sense of survival, yeah.
01:59:07.000 Yeah, I mean, in the times of barbaric life.
01:59:10.000 Sure, sure, you wanted to be with someone.
01:59:12.000 Yeah, that's what I think it is, like a killer.
01:59:15.000 Not so much like the caveman comedian.
01:59:17.000 Well, I think that if a male feminist goes to jail, they get zero requests for marriage.
01:59:23.000 They get none.
01:59:25.000 You think so?
01:59:26.000 Yeah.
01:59:27.000 If some male feminist gets arrested and goes to jail, it's a wrap.
01:59:31.000 Yeah, that's it.
01:59:32.000 But if you're a murderer.
01:59:32.000 But if you're a murderer, you probably get a lot.
01:59:35.000 Because there's a reason why men become...
01:59:37.000 I mean, there's men who believe in equality and want women's rights, and then there's men who are really weaselly.
01:59:44.000 And what they're doing is they're being virtue signaling and they're posturing.
01:59:49.000 And I think those guys, if they go to jail, crickets.
01:59:54.000 Well, either way, they're in jail.
01:59:56.000 I don't know how it works.
01:59:58.000 Some places you can get conjugal visits, but I think it's dependent upon the jail.
02:00:05.000 You think Cosby's getting any marital proposals?
02:00:08.000 I bet he does.
02:00:09.000 I bet girls are trying to get raped by him.
02:00:11.000 Believe it or not, I bet there are some girls who would want Cosby to drug them.
02:00:16.000 Oh, man.
02:00:17.000 Look, people are fucking crazy.
02:00:18.000 People get their faces tattooed.
02:00:20.000 Yeah.
02:00:21.000 People, you know, there's people that are just straight up nuts.
02:00:24.000 Yeah.
02:00:25.000 And when there's a high profile thing like that.
02:00:27.000 Yeah.
02:00:28.000 I think when I think about that, I'm like, what happened to those people that made them to the point where they would be interested in something like that?
02:00:34.000 The person that goes after Cosby?
02:00:36.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:00:37.000 I have my theories about Cosby.
02:00:38.000 I think that when that happened, when Cosby first started doing that, I think it was common.
02:00:45.000 I think that whole slipping of Mickey thing, Spanish fly, I think in the 60s and the 50s, I think asshole men did that to women all the fucking time.
02:00:54.000 And I don't think people thought about the consequences.
02:00:57.000 I don't think people thought about the rights of women.
02:00:59.000 I mean, if you just think about, like, chauvinism in films...
02:01:04.000 Male chauvinist behavior and sexist behavior, men smacking women in films.
02:01:08.000 I mean, it was really common.
02:01:09.000 Oh, yeah.
02:01:10.000 Steve McQueen and Ally, what was her name?
02:01:12.000 Ally Sheedy?
02:01:13.000 Ally McGraw.
02:01:14.000 Ally McGraw.
02:01:15.000 Beat the fuck out of her in a scene, an actual scene.
02:01:19.000 She didn't even know he was going to do it.
02:01:20.000 Right.
02:01:20.000 Just beat the shit out of her actually on film.
02:01:23.000 Right.
02:01:24.000 That was a normal thing.
02:01:26.000 The last thing in Paris that just came out was like, Brando was like, yeah, we just sprung this sexual encounter on this woman.
02:01:32.000 Different game.
02:01:33.000 Yeah, it was a different world.
02:01:34.000 And I think there was a lot of fun.
02:01:37.000 I mean, he was always hanging around the Playboy Mansion.
02:01:39.000 And I think there was a lot of men that just raped women and drugged them.
02:01:43.000 I think it was common.
02:01:44.000 And I'm sure you've talked to many women that have had something dropped in their drink, right?
02:01:48.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:01:49.000 It's crazy.
02:01:50.000 There's darkness out there.
02:01:51.000 There's so much darkness out there, and it's a bummer.
02:01:53.000 It's such a fucking bummer, man.
02:01:55.000 It's such a bummer.
02:01:56.000 It's scary.
02:01:57.000 And you think about...
02:02:01.000 But it's crazy with Cosby.
02:02:03.000 And until, again, it's crazy to think now, however many years ago Hannibal said it on stage, we all knew some version.
02:02:10.000 We had all heard some stories about Cosby, and it was just sort of like, oh, well, Bill's Bill.
02:02:14.000 I heard about it on the set of news radio.
02:02:16.000 That's when I heard about it.
02:02:17.000 Yeah.
02:02:17.000 And nobody was gonna touch him.
02:02:19.000 Well, no one knew for sure.
02:02:20.000 Nobody knew to the extent, I guess.
02:02:22.000 You had heard from someone that...
02:02:26.000 Fucking darkness.
02:02:28.000 The crazy thing is when Hannibal said that on stage, the people that aren't connected to Hollywood were like, wait, what?
02:02:34.000 Yeah.
02:02:34.000 What the fuck?
02:02:35.000 Yeah, man.
02:02:35.000 What did you say?
02:02:36.000 He's a rapist.
02:02:37.000 Yeah.
02:02:38.000 Like, that video went viral.
02:02:39.000 Millions of people saw it.
02:02:40.000 And they're like, what?
02:02:41.000 Bill Cosby rapes people?
02:02:42.000 And then everyone's like, yeah.
02:02:43.000 And then girls were like, he raped me.
02:02:44.000 And they're like, what?
02:02:45.000 It's crazy.
02:02:46.000 And now he's in jail.
02:02:47.000 It's darkness.
02:02:48.000 Good.
02:02:48.000 Fucking good, man.
02:02:50.000 It's crazy.
02:02:51.000 Good, but...
02:02:54.000 Crazy that it took so long and crazy that it's only for three years.
02:02:57.000 Yeah.
02:02:58.000 He's got a three to ten year sentence.
02:03:01.000 Yeah, because that's the last one they could get him for, right?
02:03:04.000 Right.
02:03:04.000 Did you ever see him live?
02:03:06.000 Did you ever...
02:03:07.000 No.
02:03:07.000 Burr and I were supposed to go before all that shit went down.
02:03:11.000 And we wound up canceling and then Burr wound up seeing him and he said he was amazing.
02:03:16.000 Chris Rock said he was fucking amazing too.
02:03:18.000 Chris Rock said that he felt like he was an amateur after he watched Cosby.
02:03:21.000 Yeah.
02:03:21.000 He said, he goes, I felt like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
02:03:24.000 Yeah.
02:03:25.000 I saw him once in Montreal during the festival.
02:03:27.000 I was hungover and I watched and I fell asleep.
02:03:29.000 It was like a Sunday afternoon.
02:03:31.000 I was like, sit down and tell me your story.
02:03:34.000 I fucking fell asleep.
02:03:37.000 I bet it would feel weird if you really enjoyed it, if he was like your best, your favorite comedian.
02:03:42.000 I know, that would suck.
02:03:43.000 It would suck.
02:03:44.000 It would suck more.
02:03:46.000 Who was your favorite stand-up when you were first starting?
02:03:50.000 Well, let's see, when I first started...
02:03:54.000 I started in New York sort of in the alt scene.
02:03:56.000 I remember seeing Galifianakis early on and being like, Jesus Christ, what the fuck is this guy?
02:04:01.000 He doesn't do enough, man.
02:04:02.000 No, he does.
02:04:03.000 He's so good.
02:04:04.000 Yeah, he'll pop up and be, and he's so funny.
02:04:05.000 I remember seeing Burr, because I had been doing sort of more alt room stuff, and then I remember seeing Burr come to the UCB in New York and seeing him do stand-up and be like, oh, he's doing him.
02:04:17.000 And he's doing it in this space where people are not used to seeing just a straight stand-up, and he's fucking killing.
02:04:23.000 I remember seeing him earlier and being like, Jesus, this guy is fucking killing.
02:04:27.000 And being very impressed, being like, how do I do that?
02:04:31.000 And however many years later, I'm still like, how do I do that?
02:04:35.000 When you were a kid, was there anyone that really stood out that made you consider stand-up?
02:04:39.000 I mean, I remember seeing Delirious, watching Delirious, and then being like...
02:04:42.000 The specials that I had around me growing up were Carlin and Carnegie, Delirious, and Robin Williams at the Met.
02:04:52.000 Those specials, those were big for me.
02:04:54.000 I just remember seeing Delirious and memorizing that whole thing.
02:04:57.000 Did you ever get to meet Robin?
02:04:58.000 No.
02:04:59.000 No.
02:05:00.000 Did you see him at the store a bunch or like around?
02:05:03.000 I met him in the craziest way possible.
02:05:05.000 I did a set at the improv and afterwards I was taking pictures with people.
02:05:10.000 There was like a line of people and I was taking photos and this old guy with his white beard and glasses and a baseball hat came up and he wanted to tell me how funny he thought the show was and I was talking to him for a couple minutes before I realized it was Robin Williams.
02:05:23.000 Jesus.
02:05:24.000 And then in the middle of it, we're talking.
02:05:26.000 I go, oh, thank you.
02:05:27.000 That's so nice.
02:05:27.000 I really appreciate it, man.
02:05:28.000 Thanks.
02:05:29.000 I'm glad you...
02:05:30.000 Enjoyed it.
02:05:32.000 Holy shit!
02:05:33.000 I never told him I knew.
02:05:35.000 But my brain was like, I didn't know what to say.
02:05:38.000 I really appreciate that.
02:05:40.000 Thank you so much.
02:05:41.000 And he was just talking about a specific bit that I was doing about how crazy it was.
02:05:48.000 I loved the twist and the turn and this and that.
02:05:51.000 I was like, wow, thanks, man.
02:05:52.000 The guy waited in line with everybody.
02:05:54.000 That's wild.
02:05:56.000 Yeah, just waited in line.
02:05:57.000 Came by himself.
02:05:58.000 Did you see him doing some version of your bit a couple of days?
02:06:01.000 I didn't!
02:06:03.000 Rest in peace.
02:06:04.000 Rest in peace.
02:06:04.000 Rest in peace.
02:06:06.000 You know what you did?
02:06:08.000 A sponge.
02:06:09.000 A sponge.
02:06:10.000 He's just a sponge.
02:06:11.000 Thankfully, he wasn't doing stand-up back then.
02:06:14.000 That was when he was doing that show.
02:06:17.000 Remember he was doing that show, The Crazy Ones?
02:06:20.000 Oh, yeah.
02:06:20.000 He came back and tried to do a sitcom before he...
02:06:24.000 Yeah.
02:06:25.000 But he, yeah, I mean, I had friends, everyone would see him in, like, he'd come because he'd come to do improv at UCB, and then he would go and do, you know, he was sort of, I don't know if he was doing stand-up at any point, but, you know, I never got to catch, I never got my, like, you know,
02:06:40.000 I have a lot of friends who I feel like got a little touch from him, and that feeling of, like, you are, you know, and I mean...
02:06:47.000 Because he was a guy who I was like, oh, that's what I, like, you're doing what I, like, you're doing stand-up, but it's characters, and you're doing all the stuff, and you're acting, and you get to be in serious movies, and you get to be in comedy, like, I was sort of like, he was sort of a model of,
02:07:03.000 like, I was like, I think I would like to do what he's doing.
02:07:07.000 Yeah, he was so flexible in what he was able to do.
02:07:10.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:07:11.000 Did you ever see Patch Adams?
02:07:13.000 No.
02:07:14.000 It might be the worst movie that's ever made.
02:07:16.000 Really?
02:07:17.000 Might be the worst.
02:07:18.000 It's probably right up there with a Travolta Gotti movie, but I haven't seen it.
02:07:20.000 Oh my god, I want to see that Travolta Gotti movie.
02:07:22.000 I almost watched it today on the elliptical machine.
02:07:24.000 New York fucking city.
02:07:26.000 It's like he says fuck every three words and you're like, oh Johnny, look at you.
02:07:29.000 This fucking city, I fucking love it.
02:07:32.000 It looks so bad!
02:07:33.000 It looks so bad!
02:07:34.000 I love that though.
02:07:35.000 There's something that I just love that John is trying to call him a troll.
02:07:40.000 There's something I love about a man so deeply out of touch.
02:07:45.000 I mean, that's the thing is like, yeah, look at him!
02:07:47.000 Fucking thumbs fucking up!
02:07:50.000 Me and my wife's dressed as Sarah Palin.
02:07:52.000 I love this fucking city.
02:07:55.000 Boy, the sexual chemistry between them is palpable.
02:07:58.000 Probably real.
02:08:00.000 Super real.
02:08:01.000 You were talking about at the beginning of like cults.
02:08:05.000 And I'm like, I'm thinking about Tom Cruise and Scientology.
02:08:10.000 There's a man using every ounce of what Scientology is offering to make himself the best available man that he's capable of being.
02:08:18.000 Then you've got Travolta.
02:08:22.000 You know what I mean?
02:08:22.000 Like, you've got two versions of, like, a man who's becoming slightly out of touch with what he, you know...
02:08:30.000 Hey, look at my fucking wig.
02:08:34.000 It's a good wig.
02:08:35.000 It's a good wig.
02:08:35.000 How amazing are wigs these days?
02:08:37.000 He's got great wigs.
02:08:38.000 I mean, that's a fucking incredible wig.
02:08:40.000 Look at that wig.
02:08:41.000 Thinning just a little bit up front.
02:08:43.000 You would think that's his hair.
02:08:45.000 He's living the dream.
02:08:46.000 It's incredible.
02:08:47.000 He's living the goddamn dream.
02:08:48.000 Are you okay with time?
02:08:49.000 We could wrap this up.
02:08:50.000 Whatever, yeah.
02:08:51.000 It's already 3.30.
02:08:52.000 Yeah, we're...
02:08:53.000 What is that?
02:08:54.000 That's him as Shapiro and the OJ thing.
02:08:55.000 Oh, yeah.
02:08:56.000 That was...
02:08:56.000 I saw him...
02:08:57.000 That's amazing.
02:08:58.000 That little...
02:08:59.000 That little chin...
02:09:00.000 Is that his...
02:09:01.000 He wore a little chin thing?
02:09:02.000 He got like a little chin yarmulke there.
02:09:04.000 It's unbelievable.
02:09:05.000 I remember seeing him at an award ceremony when he had that little chin thing.
02:09:11.000 And I was like, did he put that on after the thing?
02:09:15.000 I met him when his wife was on Fear Factor.
02:09:18.000 Really?
02:09:18.000 Yeah, Kelly Preston was on Fear Factor.
02:09:19.000 She was on Fear Factor?
02:09:21.000 Yeah, Celebrity Fear Factor.
02:09:23.000 David Hasselhoff, Kelly Preston.
02:09:26.000 How were they?
02:09:27.000 She was really nice.
02:09:28.000 She was super friendly.
02:09:30.000 But I felt like they recruited people.
02:09:35.000 Yes.
02:09:36.000 This was before Scientology was sort of stigmatized.
02:09:41.000 There was a lot of people that were joining it.
02:09:44.000 What is going on there?
02:09:45.000 It looks like he has a black swimmer's cap on.
02:09:48.000 I love it.
02:09:48.000 That hair is so crazy fake looking.
02:09:50.000 That's like that magnetic man that you could move the magnets around to create hair.
02:09:56.000 Like, who's fucking hair looks like that?
02:09:58.000 That's crazy.
02:09:59.000 I mean, the color, everything is wrong.
02:10:02.000 That's madness.
02:10:04.000 But yeah, she was super friendly.
02:10:06.000 Really down to earth, super normal and friendly.
02:10:09.000 She's like, these tarantulas are great.
02:10:11.000 You know, if you eat enough and you want to come and hang out later, we could eat more tarantulas.
02:10:15.000 Yes.
02:10:15.000 We can maximize eating tarantulas.
02:10:17.000 And you can join.
02:10:18.000 Yeah.
02:10:19.000 Let me get your phone number.
02:10:21.000 I'd like to send some people your way with some e-meters.
02:10:24.000 Yeah, I remember watching that going clear, the documentary, and being like, oh, I'm not scared.
02:10:29.000 Like, they're not coming for me.
02:10:30.000 Like, Miskovic is not coming for me.
02:10:32.000 He's coming for, like...
02:10:33.000 The people under him who he sees as a threat.
02:10:36.000 I don't think he sees us as a threat.
02:10:37.000 I don't think he gives a fuck us being like, I don't know about Scientology.
02:10:41.000 I bet he shields himself from anything like this.
02:10:44.000 Any kind of criticism.
02:10:46.000 But I do tell you that I had Miskovic's dad on.
02:10:50.000 Really?
02:10:50.000 Oh right, because he left.
02:10:54.000 He fucking escaped.
02:10:55.000 But that's what I'm saying.
02:10:56.000 If I'm Miskiewicz's dad, I'm scared.
02:10:59.000 Because he's like, Miskiewicz is like, my dad is a threat to me.
02:11:02.000 Like you and I talking about Scientology, I don't think Miskiewicz gives a fuck.
02:11:06.000 It was a weird conversation.
02:11:07.000 What was he like?
02:11:08.000 Well, he's sad.
02:11:10.000 It's like he lost his whole life to this nonsense.
02:11:14.000 And his son's gone.
02:11:15.000 His son won't contact him.
02:11:17.000 And it was his idea to get the family into Scientology.
02:11:22.000 So he's like the guilt of that.
02:11:24.000 Yeah, the son rises through the ranks, winds up running the whole fucking thing, and now the son won't talk to him.
02:11:29.000 My favorite thing is Miscovich and Tom Cruise shaking hands.
02:11:33.000 Yes.
02:11:34.000 It's the best.
02:11:34.000 It's like this tiny alpha man.
02:11:38.000 L-R-H. Yes.
02:11:39.000 And Miscovich is trumping him where you can see Tom Cruise trying to pull his hand away and Miscovich is like, I will not relent.
02:11:46.000 I will not release.
02:11:47.000 And you can see Tom Cruise being like, this tinier man than me has an even higher level of alphaness than I can offer.
02:11:56.000 And I will relent.
02:11:59.000 Well, the real threat to them is Leah Remini.
02:12:02.000 I mean, what Leah Remini's done, like, she is, look at that, there, let me see that again.
02:12:06.000 You can see him trying to pull this, the fucking...
02:12:08.000 They salute!
02:12:09.000 They salute!
02:12:09.000 They salute, grab him, and then, watch, you can see Tom Cruise, like, trying to pull his hand away, and Miskiewicz won't let it go.
02:12:16.000 It's really fantastic.
02:12:18.000 Relenting.
02:12:19.000 Yeah.
02:12:20.000 Unrelenting.
02:12:21.000 You can see, he's trying to, like, you can see the hands trying to, like, come loose, and he won't let it happen.
02:12:26.000 He's like, and it's like that Trump move.
02:12:28.000 My favorite thing is when they salute the picture of LRH. Yeah.
02:12:33.000 They salute it.
02:12:34.000 A shitty science fiction writer.
02:12:37.000 Look at it.
02:12:37.000 He was wearing that big dinner plate around his neck.
02:12:40.000 I know.
02:12:40.000 And look at it.
02:12:41.000 Tom Cruise is not a tall man.
02:12:43.000 And Miskiewicz is...
02:12:44.000 He towers over Tom Cruise.
02:12:46.000 Or Tom Cruise cowers over him.
02:12:48.000 Yes.
02:12:48.000 I'm sorry.
02:12:48.000 Yes.
02:12:49.000 Look at that fucking giant gold medal he won.
02:12:51.000 Yeah, I know.
02:12:51.000 By being the most awesomest person in the universe.
02:12:54.000 But again, I'm like, I don't know, did you see the recent Mission Impossible?
02:12:58.000 He's amazing!
02:12:58.000 It's amazing!
02:12:59.000 He's a fucking fantastic actor.
02:13:01.000 I'm like, so on board.
02:13:02.000 I'm on board for the whole thing.
02:13:03.000 I'm like, you know how hard it is to get a movie made now to get anybody to pay attention?
02:13:07.000 Go learn to fucking fly a helicopter and jump off a building and break your ankle.
02:13:11.000 Like, fucking go for it, man.
02:13:13.000 Well, you know as well as I do, you've been around a lot of actors.
02:13:15.000 They're all fucking crazy.
02:13:17.000 But his crazy is just a different kind of crazy, but it's also a different kind of success.
02:13:22.000 Yeah, but I'm like he's a guy who I feel like you would get like like he's like yeah like whatever I need to do like I will I will maximize myself.
02:13:33.000 Look at the gold medal.
02:13:34.000 It's fucking amazing.
02:13:35.000 I love it.
02:13:36.000 Can I get some volume?
02:13:37.000 Let me hear some of this.
02:13:40.000 I Take this as a half-act I will continue on my way.
02:13:53.000 Okay?
02:13:55.000 These are the times now, people.
02:13:58.000 Okay?
02:13:59.000 These are the times we will all remember.
02:14:02.000 Were you there?
02:14:04.000 What did you do?
02:14:07.000 I think you know that I am there for you.
02:14:11.000 And I do care so very, very, very much.
02:14:16.000 That's why he's the best actor ever.
02:14:17.000 He's full of shit right there, and you believe it.
02:14:19.000 Or do you think he's full of shit?
02:14:21.000 I feel like he's on the verge of fucking tears.
02:14:24.000 He is on the verge of tears.
02:14:25.000 I think he's so juiced.
02:14:25.000 But he's full of shit for sure with everything he does.
02:14:28.000 I don't think there's a moment in his life where he's not full of shit.
02:14:31.000 Right, but he believes it so deeply.
02:14:34.000 Look at this.
02:14:34.000 The salute.
02:14:35.000 LRH. Go back up.
02:14:36.000 Back up a little bit.
02:14:37.000 I need to see that again.
02:14:38.000 Watch this.
02:14:40.000 To LRH. To LRH. And when, if you know anything about that guy, L. Ron Hubbard was a fucking maniac.
02:14:52.000 Yeah.
02:14:52.000 Did you read Going Clear or did you just see the documentary?
02:14:54.000 I just saw the documentary.
02:14:55.000 The book is fucking fantastic.
02:14:56.000 The book is, he was fucking shithouse rat crazy.
02:15:00.000 Yeah.
02:15:01.000 Crazy.
02:15:01.000 On a boat.
02:15:02.000 Just, he was out of his fucking mind.
02:15:03.000 Gave himself a bunch of medals.
02:15:05.000 Have you seen that?
02:15:06.000 There's a podcast called You Must Remember This, and it's all about old Hollywood, and it somehow circumvents a little bit of L. Ron Hubbard's scene in Pasadena with all these other spiritualists, futurists, and it's Cuckoosville.
02:15:23.000 They are cruising on their own fucking agenda, and it's kind of amazing.
02:15:31.000 I wish I had more information, but again, my brain doesn't retain this stuff.
02:15:36.000 I need to get into Scientology.
02:15:38.000 It'll help if you just maximize your e-trons or whatever you fucking...
02:15:42.000 Did you ever do a stress test?
02:15:44.000 Yes, I did one.
02:15:45.000 One time I was filming a television show in San Diego and we had downtime when they were setting up a scene.
02:15:51.000 And we happened to be at a park where they had one of those Scientology booths set up.
02:15:55.000 And I went over there and the guy put me through the whole thing.
02:15:59.000 I hold on to the cans and they're connected to the wires, but he was so unenthusiastic.
02:16:05.000 He was just like...
02:16:06.000 He wasn't selling it at all.
02:16:08.000 I was like, what does this mean?
02:16:09.000 He was a bummed outside, Ty, dude.
02:16:10.000 He was like, eh, you got something.
02:16:11.000 I don't know.
02:16:12.000 Something in your past, some shit.
02:16:13.000 I guess the Thetans are...
02:16:14.000 I don't know, man.
02:16:16.000 Yeah, the guy had no energy for it.
02:16:17.000 It was hilarious.
02:16:18.000 He was like, the worst salesman.
02:16:20.000 I think they just make them do it, you know?
02:16:22.000 And some people don't want to do it.
02:16:24.000 And next thing you know, they got a fucking conference table set up in a park, and they got a stack of books.
02:16:29.000 They're going nowhere in Clearwater.
02:16:30.000 Trying to get you to join.
02:16:31.000 They're nowhere near Clearwater!
02:16:33.000 They're on the other coast.
02:16:34.000 I gotta get to the fucking east coast, god damn it.
02:16:37.000 God bless them though.
02:16:39.000 I am weirdly like, I mean, I don't know about it, God bless like dislocating people and disconnecting people from their families, but I am sort of of the feeling like, if you can find something for yourself that brings you some answers and gives you some comfort and motivates you to be the best person you can be,
02:16:58.000 I'm like, yeah, do whatever the fuck you want.
02:17:00.000 I don't give a shit.
02:17:01.000 I agree.
02:17:02.000 I do, I am, like, if you're, like, dislocating people from their families and stealing everybody's money, like, whatever.
02:17:08.000 But whatever your personal choice is, I'm like, go for it, man.
02:17:11.000 I don't give a shit.
02:17:11.000 Right, and quite honestly, like, why is it okay to be a Catholic and it's not okay to be a Scientologist?
02:17:17.000 Because Catholicism, which I grew up with, is one of the fucking nuttiest religions filled with kid fuckers.
02:17:23.000 Where they literally have their own country.
02:17:26.000 The Vatican is its own country.
02:17:27.000 They move priests around all over the world.
02:17:30.000 There's a new case that just happened a couple of weeks ago in Pennsylvania.
02:17:33.000 They just found a thousand children that had been molested.
02:17:37.000 So, Scientology is not doing that.
02:17:40.000 No, it's systematic.
02:17:42.000 It's crazy.
02:17:42.000 Was there a moment in the church where you're like, oh, I'm out.
02:17:45.000 I'm done.
02:17:45.000 Well, I was really lucky that my parents split up.
02:17:49.000 And when my parents split up, I went to Catholic school for one year after that.
02:17:54.000 And then my mom met my stepdad, who's a hippie.
02:17:58.000 And he was like, this is fucking stupid.
02:18:00.000 And the next thing you know, we moved to San Francisco.
02:18:02.000 So we were in New Jersey.
02:18:03.000 I was going to Catholic school a year later, living in San Francisco next to gay people and living right off of, what's that, Lombard Street, the crookedest street in the world.
02:18:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:18:15.000 Whoa, that's a change.
02:18:16.000 Oh, the craziest shift.
02:18:18.000 I mean, this was also during the Vietnam War.
02:18:20.000 So I went from being in this really sort of repressive East Coast Italian Catholic environment to being around nothing but hippies and gay people.
02:18:31.000 Wow.
02:18:31.000 Your mom wanted out.
02:18:32.000 Oh, yeah.
02:18:33.000 Yeah, everybody wanted out.
02:18:35.000 My stepdad wanted out.
02:18:36.000 My mom wanted out.
02:18:37.000 They just realized that there was also, this was 1970. Okay, I was seven, so it was 73?
02:18:45.000 74?
02:18:45.000 74. So it was like the heat of the Vietnam War.
02:18:49.000 The hippie movement was in full swing.
02:18:52.000 Nixon, I think, was president.
02:18:54.000 It was craziness back then.
02:18:57.000 Fuck.
02:18:58.000 Everybody wanted out.
02:18:59.000 Yeah.
02:19:00.000 Have you listened to that?
02:19:01.000 There's a podcast called Slow Burn.
02:19:03.000 It's all about Watergate.
02:19:05.000 And it's sort of from the angle of how it just took a while to unfold.
02:19:10.000 You're like, oh, okay.
02:19:12.000 This didn't happen overnight.
02:19:14.000 Sort of like the Russia-Trump investigation.
02:19:15.000 Yeah.
02:19:16.000 Yeah.
02:19:16.000 It's just slowly unfolding, piece by piece, and over time you're like, oh, right, these dominoes slowly fall, and in that one you're like, I just didn't know that much about Watergate, but I was like,
02:19:31.000 oh, like...
02:19:33.000 Watergate happened, and the election was five months later, and Nixon won in a landslide.
02:19:38.000 The country was like, ah, Watergate, it's nothing big deal.
02:19:43.000 And then it was another year, year and a half before he was impeached.
02:19:50.000 Wow.
02:19:51.000 It took a while.
02:19:52.000 I did not know that.
02:19:53.000 Yeah, it's kind of crazy, but it gets into some of the early stuff of Watergate and after Watergate and all the like, sort of the beginning of what I think became legitimizing in different versions of conspiracy theories, of like, what's really going on here,
02:20:08.000 shit, you know?
02:20:09.000 There it is.
02:20:11.000 74, he resigned.
02:20:13.000 Yeah, but he was re-elected.
02:20:15.000 Watergate had happened.
02:20:17.000 Wow.
02:20:17.000 Nobody thought about it.
02:20:19.000 After his resignation, he was issued a controversial pardon by his successor, Gerald Ford.
02:20:23.000 That's exactly what Mike Pence is going to do.
02:20:25.000 Fuck.
02:20:26.000 You think he'll go down?
02:20:26.000 You think he'll get impeached?
02:20:27.000 I don't know.
02:20:28.000 I thought that more a few months ago, but now it feels like...
02:20:31.000 He's so preposterous that as time rolls on, we're conditioned to his preposterousness.
02:20:39.000 Just all of it loses its teeth.
02:20:41.000 Yeah.
02:20:42.000 Well, look, I mean, the Stormy Daniels thing, nobody gives a fuck about it anymore.
02:20:45.000 Like, yeah, he fucked her.
02:20:46.000 So what?
02:20:46.000 But I feel like, yeah, I feel like everybody knew he was fucking people before.
02:20:49.000 It's like, if you don't apply yourself to a, like, normal moral framework, then...
02:20:55.000 Right.
02:20:55.000 It's not like he was some super ethical guy.
02:20:59.000 Like, who was the guy that was running for president, and it turned out that he was...
02:21:04.000 John Edwards.
02:21:05.000 Yes, while she was dying of cancer.
02:21:07.000 Right, yeah.
02:21:07.000 And he's having an affair and had a baby with some woman.
02:21:10.000 Yeah, and that was just...
02:21:11.000 Well, that's the problem with like when you see like Al Franken go down for like, you know, nothing, nothing.
02:21:17.000 And it's because on that side, it's like it's like the moral framework is like you can't do that to women.
02:21:24.000 But if you're if you're if you're a Trump guy.
02:21:28.000 Then you're like, it's not if you're a Trump guy, but it's like, yeah, well, that's how Donald is.
02:21:33.000 Right.
02:21:34.000 And he's like, that's who I am.
02:21:35.000 Yeah.
02:21:35.000 Well, if Bill O'Reilly was taking pictures with a chick and grabbed her butt, everybody would go, yeah.
02:21:41.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:21:43.000 Yeah.
02:21:43.000 But it's like, if it's on the other side, it's like, well, there's a moral framework there that you're like, fuck, if we're going to say that that's the deal, then we have to follow through that that's the deal.
02:21:51.000 Michael Aventi?
02:21:52.000 What's going on?
02:21:53.000 Avenatti?
02:21:54.000 Yeah, this guy who's running, he was the, this would be great for two causes.
02:21:57.000 He's proposing a three-round mixed martial arts fight with Donald Trump Jr. for charity, no joke, and Michael Avenatti said, this would be for two great causes I'm in.
02:22:08.000 What?
02:22:08.000 This guy.
02:22:09.000 He likes attention.
02:22:11.000 Yeah, he loves it.
02:22:12.000 A little too much.
02:22:13.000 He's a little...
02:22:14.000 They were trying to get some show with him and the Mooch, right?
02:22:18.000 Yeah.
02:22:18.000 What's his name?
02:22:19.000 Scaramucci.
02:22:20.000 Scaramucci.
02:22:20.000 He wants to run for president, Avenatti.
02:22:23.000 They're saying that he'll be the big threat in 2020 to the Democrats.
02:22:27.000 I can't imagine that.
02:22:30.000 Oh, man.
02:22:31.000 Yeah.
02:22:31.000 He's supposedly getting released from jail soon.
02:22:34.000 Wiener?
02:22:34.000 Yeah, on good behavior.
02:22:36.000 How is he still in jail?
02:22:38.000 What did he do?
02:22:39.000 The sexual with the kid or something like that.
02:22:41.000 Texting with the kid.
02:22:41.000 Is that what it was?
02:22:42.000 I think that's what they got.
02:22:43.000 No, for that smooth chest.
02:22:47.000 Okay, and on that note...
02:22:49.000 Let's wrap this up.
02:22:51.000 Alright.
02:22:52.000 What do you got going on?
02:22:53.000 Anything people need to know about?
02:22:55.000 Fuck.
02:22:56.000 Yeah, Big Mouth.
02:22:57.000 Season 2 is out now on Netflix.
02:22:59.000 Hilarious fucking show.
02:23:01.000 Thanks, man.
02:23:01.000 It really is.
02:23:02.000 Thank you.
02:23:02.000 It's one of the best animated shows ever.
02:23:04.000 Thanks, man.
02:23:05.000 I appreciate it.
02:23:07.000 Yeah, I guess that's really it.
02:23:08.000 I mean, that's the one is my autobiography that I've poured my life into, so I guess that's the thing I'll promote.
02:23:13.000 That should be the thing you should promote.
02:23:15.000 And you're doing sets at the store?
02:23:16.000 We worked together the other night.
02:23:17.000 Yeah, I do sets at the store.
02:23:19.000 I do a show at Largo, a monthly, semi-monthly.
02:23:21.000 I actually wanted to talk to you about coming and doing the show at Largo.
02:23:23.000 Okay, sure, yeah.
02:23:24.000 Yeah, I do that, Nick Kroll and Friends, and then, yeah, I got other shit coming.
02:23:29.000 Yeah, but it's Big Mouth, Big Mouth.
02:23:31.000 Big Mouth, Netflix, go watch it.
02:23:33.000 Thanks, man.
02:23:33.000 Bye.
02:23:33.000 Cheers.