The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1190

00:00:03.000 Three, two...

00:00:04.000 What the fuck were you saying, Joey Diaz?

00:00:08.000 I said that once you clean for 29 days without smoking reefer, that's it.

00:00:12.000 Why go back?

00:00:13.000 What?

00:00:13.000 Yeah!

00:00:14.000 I like it.

00:00:16.000 No!

00:00:17.000 If I fucking stayed clean from reefer for 29 days, I'd let my lungs fucking heal from the abuse I've inflicted on in the last 30 fucking years.

00:00:27.000 What about edibles?

00:00:27.000 What about spray?

00:00:28.000 First of all, I haven't had an edible since, like, I broke it in Boston September 29th.

00:00:35.000 So out of respect for Sober October, I didn't do an edible.

00:00:38.000 I haven't done edibles.

00:00:39.000 Something was wrong with my stomach.

00:00:42.000 So I figured out I was lactose intolerant.

00:00:45.000 Lactose intolerant.

00:00:47.000 Lactose intolerant.

00:00:48.000 I fucking eat mozzarella cheese or milk and I'm farting up.

00:00:51.000 You know, it's a nightmare.

00:00:53.000 So I had to cut that out of my diet.

00:00:55.000 No mozzarella cheese.

00:00:57.000 Light on the American cheese now.

00:00:59.000 No Swiss, no more.

00:01:01.000 No Cuban sandwiches.

00:01:03.000 Really?

00:01:03.000 It's fucking crazy.

00:01:05.000 And then I had to cut out.

00:01:06.000 The edibles would give me a weird feeling.

00:01:10.000 Like what?

00:01:11.000 It had just gone somewhere else.

00:01:15.000 And I didn't like the hunger issues.

00:01:17.000 Oh, the munchies.

00:01:18.000 The hunger issues after 11 o'clock were just monstrous.

00:01:23.000 Like, here I am working hard to lose weight, I'd stick to it, and then I'd go home, I'd start with an apple, another apple, a banana, another banana, then you gotta bust out the salami sandwich.

00:01:34.000 With the fucking, you know, it was just getting bad.

00:01:38.000 I could not control it.

00:01:40.000 Uncontrollable.

00:01:41.000 The hunger from edibles every minute after 11 o'clock for me was uncontrollable.

00:01:46.000 Well, you get blitzkrieged.

00:01:47.000 You don't just get, like, a little fucked up.

00:01:49.000 No, and it starts early.

00:01:50.000 It was starting early, 2 in the afternoon, then pop another 2 at fucking 6. Do you like vaporizing?

00:01:57.000 No.

00:01:58.000 No, just smoking.

00:01:59.000 If you're worried about your lungs...

00:02:01.000 I take vapors at a hotel...

00:02:04.000 To get the party started in the morning.

00:02:07.000 While I'm having coffee in my hotel room, writing my notes for the thoughts of the day.

00:02:12.000 Because I don't wake up with hunger.

00:02:14.000 See, that was my problem all those years.

00:02:17.000 I would need till one.

00:02:18.000 If you want to be a fat fuck, don't eat till one when you wake up.

00:02:22.000 Because then you gotta make up for it the rest of the day.

00:02:24.000 So now I have to force myself to eat.

00:02:26.000 What do you mean?

00:02:27.000 Because a lot of you guys like the intermittent fasting.

00:02:31.000 I can't live with that.

00:02:32.000 What do you mean?

00:02:32.000 My shit goes up and down.

00:02:34.000 My blood pressure, my blood sugar.

00:02:36.000 So I could never intermittent fast.

00:02:38.000 But in the old days, I'd be coked up.

00:02:41.000 And I'd wake up speedy still.

00:02:43.000 Right.

00:02:43.000 So I wouldn't eat breakfast.

00:02:45.000 But I'd start eating at 1 or 2 o'clock and would not stop till fucking 2 in the morning.

00:02:49.000 You saw me.

00:02:50.000 Yeah.

00:02:51.000 I'd be eating those pink dot sandwiches like they were nothing.

00:02:53.000 Two meatball sandwiches at 12 o'clock because I wouldn't eat breakfast.

00:02:58.000 I forced myself to eat, you know, for years.

00:03:01.000 We were just eating every six hours.

00:03:02.000 You're supposed to eat a smaller portion, you know what I'm saying?

00:03:05.000 Yeah, that's what people were thinking.

00:03:07.000 I gotta eat breakfast.

00:03:08.000 And I could eat two egg yolks, a piece of wheat toast, and fruit, and I'm good.

00:03:14.000 Like for Sober October, I gave up bacon.

00:03:18.000 I only eat two pieces of bacon.

00:03:19.000 It's five points on Weight Watchers.

00:03:21.000 That's all I'm allowed.

00:03:22.000 But at least I'm allowed two pieces of bacon.

00:03:25.000 Two pieces of bacon is all you really need.

00:03:26.000 That's all you need.

00:03:27.000 Let me tell you something.

00:03:29.000 When I was 4'18", between you and I, my wife, who's from the South, would make the whole packet of Oscar Mayer Center Cup bacon.

00:03:39.000 The whole pack.

00:03:40.000 Every morning.

00:03:41.000 That was my breakfast.

00:03:42.000 You would eat the whole packet?

00:03:43.000 The whole package.

00:03:44.000 With three eggs, a half a loaf of Wonder Bread, and butter, and a 16-ounce Coke, the boot.

00:03:50.000 A Coke on top of it?

00:03:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:03:52.000 I could drink two Cokes for breakfast.

00:03:54.000 Remember, I grew up on the East Coast, and I caught a bad habit early on.

00:03:58.000 After my mother died, I caught that.

00:03:59.000 I wouldn't eat at home.

00:04:01.000 I would leave and eat at the deli.

00:04:03.000 I went on to...

00:04:04.000 Remember when fucking...

00:04:06.000 Cream cheese and jelly on a roll was big.

00:04:10.000 Oh, yeah.

00:04:11.000 You know what that does to your system?

00:04:13.000 Terrible.

00:04:13.000 Cream cheese and jelly for breakfast?

00:04:15.000 Sugar.

00:04:15.000 I used to open up with cream cheese and jelly on a poppy seed roll with a 16-ounce Coke for breakfast for years.

00:04:23.000 And I was in shape.

00:04:24.000 That's the thing.

00:04:26.000 Remember that?

00:04:27.000 Nobody eats cream cheese and jelly for breakfast on a roll no more.

00:04:32.000 Cream cheese and jelly.

00:04:34.000 No, because people know better now.

00:04:36.000 In Jersey, in those diners, they got those bran muffins.

00:04:39.000 You go in there, you get those bran muffins, they put them on the grill with butter on them.

00:04:43.000 Googly moogly!

00:04:45.000 Oh my goodness!

00:04:47.000 You just chop.

00:04:47.000 Now, I go to Yum Yum Donuts, I got a bran muffin with raisins in it.

00:04:51.000 And it's got no butter or nothing, but they cut them in half on the East Coast.

00:04:55.000 Those East Coast breakfasts were horrible.

00:04:58.000 Now, how long have you been doing this Weight Watchers thing now?

00:05:00.000 Since December 9th.

00:05:02.000 So almost a year.

00:05:03.000 Yeah.

00:05:04.000 11 months now?

00:05:05.000 Yeah.

00:05:06.000 11 months-ish.

00:05:08.000 That's pretty good.

00:05:09.000 30 pounds.

00:05:10.000 That's nice.

00:05:10.000 That's a good weight over that amount of time because it's gradual.

00:05:14.000 And the only week I missed my fitness goals, I have to have 72 points of activity.

00:05:22.000 And I only missed it one time I had the flu.

00:05:24.000 What's a point of activity?

00:05:25.000 What do you get?

00:05:26.000 So if I go to Muay Thai at 9, I only really...

00:05:29.000 It's an hour class, but I only put 30 minutes down to Muay Thai training.

00:05:34.000 If we do circuit training with a ball and ropes and shit, then I put whatever the amount.

00:05:40.000 If it's 8 stations or 30 seconds a station...

00:05:43.000 Do you wear a heart rate monitor or anything?

00:05:45.000 No, no, no.

00:05:46.000 I don't want to hear.

00:05:46.000 I don't want to see.

00:05:48.000 You know what?

00:05:49.000 When I had that fucking ear infection, I used to have to work out with earplugs on.

00:05:53.000 And I'd get high and go throw sidekicks for Jesus.

00:05:56.000 You don't know what life is.

00:05:58.000 So when you had the ear infection, the earplugs kept your equilibrium in balance?

00:06:01.000 No, it would keep sweat from going in my ear.

00:06:04.000 You don't know what life is when you're working out and you can hear your heartbeat.

00:06:08.000 But yeah, that's trippy shit.

00:06:11.000 You know, Everlast has a ticker.

00:06:12.000 He's got an artificial valve and he puts the microphone up to his chest.

00:06:16.000 You hear...

00:06:17.000 No, I don't want to hear that shit.

00:06:20.000 Like 60 minutes?

00:06:21.000 Like the beginning of 60 minutes?

00:06:22.000 Fuck you.

00:06:23.000 It's trippy, man.

00:06:24.000 He's had it in there for, what did he say, like 18 years, I think?

00:06:27.000 Yeah, he had a heart attack a long-ass time ago.

00:06:30.000 Yeah.

00:06:31.000 No, no, no.

00:06:32.000 He had a bad valve.

00:06:33.000 Yeah, but if I was cleaning off weed for 29 days, I might as well go for it for at least a year.

00:06:38.000 Yeah, let's run back around to that.

00:06:40.000 Why?

00:06:40.000 I enjoy marijuana.

00:06:42.000 Just make a comeback, just to see what it would be like.

00:06:46.000 I'll tell you one thing that did happen last year, when we did Sober October and I took a month off, when I started back again, I'd get nervous.

00:06:52.000 I'd get real nervous.

00:06:53.000 I'd get scared to do it, and I'd go on stage, I'd feel real strange.

00:06:58.000 Somebody once told me, a great woman once told me that if you think getting high in life is weird, wait till you stop getting high.

00:07:07.000 And it's a different fucking adventure.

00:07:09.000 And she's true in a lot of aspects.

00:07:12.000 I called you one October 2nd one night.

00:07:15.000 I got home from the Comedy Store.

00:07:17.000 You know when you get home from the original room, dog.

00:07:21.000 It was one of those nights when I went in there and I was Rocky Balboa.

00:07:24.000 I just touched gloves and I measured and I just started going to the body for 15 minutes.

00:07:30.000 I remember driving up Laurel Canyon going, what am I going to do with myself?

00:07:34.000 And I went home.

00:07:35.000 It was like October 2nd.

00:07:36.000 It was 11.30 and I started smoking reefer to calm down a little bit.

00:07:40.000 And I went down.

00:07:41.000 I started with Sign of the Times by Prince.

00:07:44.000 And I just left it on autoplay.

00:07:46.000 And it just took me into a Prince fucking cave.

00:07:50.000 And I ended up on Beautiful Ones.

00:07:52.000 When he starts singing, do you want him?

00:07:55.000 And I called you up.

00:07:56.000 I'm like, this is why I can't do Sober October.

00:07:59.000 Because I get so high at night to come down off the stage.

00:08:02.000 When you get off stage, you need something.

00:08:05.000 And since I don't drink, I'm scared to come up that hill drinking.

00:08:08.000 I have to smoke reefer to come down at night.

00:08:11.000 And music, that's the only thing that calms me down at night.

00:08:13.000 Do you write at night after your sets?

00:08:15.000 I write about what happens.

00:08:16.000 Yeah, I try to write about how lucky I am that I'm still performing at the store at 55. I write about that I ain't a bag of dicks, but I'll get them tomorrow night.

00:08:25.000 You know, like, whatever.

00:08:27.000 Whatever just is flowing through my head while I have music on, I'm drinking a water, and I'm just, I'll go in the back and fucking toke a fucking 22 hits off a pipe.

00:08:38.000 And I love listening to music at night.

00:08:40.000 That's my hobby.

00:08:41.000 It's a thing to, like, when you get out of the store, it's a thing to sit yourself down and make yourself work and write.

00:08:47.000 You know, because you're like, I'm done.

00:08:48.000 I did it.

00:08:49.000 Got a good set in.

00:08:50.000 I'm good.

00:08:50.000 But that's the best time to write, I think.

00:08:53.000 Everything's popping.

00:08:54.000 Well, I'll go home and make corrections.

00:08:56.000 Maybe I said that fuck too early.

00:08:58.000 Or maybe I said that and I shouldn't have said it.

00:09:03.000 No, I won't try to write at night.

00:09:05.000 I'm gone at night.

00:09:06.000 Unless something's really funny.

00:09:09.000 I think my brain is shot at night.

00:09:12.000 Is it because you did your stand-up, you got ramped up?

00:09:15.000 Did the stand-up, played with the fucking kid, did a podcast, talked to people all day about shit that doesn't matter.

00:09:23.000 I like to...

00:09:26.000 Get up.

00:09:28.000 I play with Mercy.

00:09:29.000 I talk to my wife.

00:09:30.000 I'll do a protein shake.

00:09:33.000 I'll drop Mercy off.

00:09:35.000 I'll go home, and then I go to the coffee shop.

00:09:38.000 And for 30 minutes, I'll call my peeps in Jersey, check in, and then I'll get eggs at the coffee shop, bacon.

00:09:46.000 Once my breakfast is gone, I write my thought page down for the day.

00:09:51.000 Then I take my iPad out.

00:09:53.000 And I either write a chapter in the book, I try to write towards the book, and while I'm writing the book...

00:09:58.000 The book?

00:09:58.000 You're writing a book right now?

00:09:59.000 I'm trying.

00:10:00.000 I'm trying.

00:10:00.000 How long you been doing this?

00:10:01.000 22 fucking years, Joe Rogan.

00:10:05.000 22 fucking years, you know.

00:10:08.000 But I forced myself, and with the iPad, you know, there's a whole thing on, there's a whole writing thing, so I could just turn that chapter off and go to another document and click on to post Netflix material.

00:10:22.000 And then I got a thing that we're working on, Immigrant Mentality, so I think about that, I'll go to that.

00:10:27.000 So now, that's all great.

00:10:29.000 I think just doing that exercise every day is good for me.

00:10:33.000 I don't need to write comedy every day.

00:10:35.000 I'd rather just go down to the store, throw something out there, and fucking get excited.

00:10:41.000 Like I told you, I'm not going anywhere else no more in Los Angeles.

00:10:45.000 I'm going back to the store.

00:10:47.000 No improv spots?

00:10:48.000 Especially after I shot the Netflix special and everything.

00:10:52.000 It all came to me after that.

00:10:54.000 Especially after she died.

00:10:56.000 You know how people...

00:10:57.000 You ever go to an acting class and people refer to Stanislavski and all this shit?

00:11:01.000 Ten years from now, people are going to be referring to the Mitzi Shaw technique.

00:11:07.000 There was something that every...

00:11:09.000 I was talking to Duncan about it.

00:11:10.000 I talked to Ari about it.

00:11:11.000 I know she said something to us at one point that we were like, wow, something.

00:11:16.000 I remember I was telling this on my podcast that there was a time she didn't like you doing that in a cold bit in the main room.

00:11:23.000 Yeah, she hated it.

00:11:25.000 She wouldn't let me do it in the main room.

00:11:26.000 In the main room.

00:11:27.000 Yeah.

00:11:27.000 In the original.

00:11:28.000 How fucking crazy is that?

00:11:30.000 That's to show you her genius in a way.

00:11:33.000 Like, she was like, Joe...

00:11:35.000 You can light yourself on fire in the original room.

00:11:38.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:11:39.000 But in the main room, you can't do that because you're killing my room.

00:11:43.000 Like, the comics afterward just could not follow it.

00:11:46.000 Like, they could just not follow.

00:11:48.000 That lesson right there.

00:11:49.000 Well, it was a fucked up bit.

00:11:50.000 The bit was about...

00:11:51.000 It was brilliant, but...

00:11:53.000 Think about it.

00:11:54.000 There's no good versions of that bit anywhere.

00:11:56.000 This one version that I did that's up on you, it's terrible.

00:11:59.000 It's a terrible version.

00:12:01.000 There's no solid versions of that bit.

00:12:04.000 But that bit was right when that guy died, J. Howard Marshall.

00:12:08.000 He died.

00:12:09.000 And it was all about him getting Anna Nicole Smith to do shit to him before he died.

00:12:14.000 But father, she's trying to take your money.

00:12:17.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:12:18.000 I want to get my balls licked.

00:12:20.000 Or something like that.

00:12:21.000 It was a crazy bit, but Mitzi didn't like it too because she didn't like bits that were making fun of old people.

00:12:26.000 Because, you know, her health was deteriorating too.

00:12:28.000 There was a couple of bits that she didn't like.

00:12:31.000 Look how he did.

00:12:32.000 There's a fucking picture of him.

00:12:35.000 He's a million years old and she's hot as the sun and she's sitting on his lap.

00:12:41.000 Look at him.

00:12:42.000 Look at the smile on his face, dog.

00:12:44.000 Yeah, oh man, I loved him.

00:12:45.000 I loved that whole scene.

00:12:47.000 I loved what it was.

00:12:48.000 I loved it because it was so blatant.

00:12:51.000 You know, it was just so blatant.

00:12:52.000 But she didn't like that bit.

00:12:54.000 She didn't like the Hugh Hefner bit either.

00:12:56.000 She didn't like that bit.

00:12:58.000 When Hugh Hefner told those, look at him, she's kissing him.

00:13:01.000 Oh my Jesus Christ.

00:13:04.000 He's in a wheelchair while she's marrying him.

00:13:06.000 I mean, it was a damn classic.

00:13:09.000 That scene of him and her getting married.

00:13:14.000 She's so young and so hot and he's so old and wrecked and rich as fuck in a wheelchair.

00:13:19.000 It's such a classic scenario.

00:13:22.000 It was so good.

00:13:24.000 You called her a Kentucky Fried Hooker.

00:13:26.000 Yeah.

00:13:28.000 If I had him call her at Kentucky Friday, if she wanted that money, she had to keep doing shit.

00:13:35.000 And then that's, yeah, he's calling, Father, he's going.

00:13:40.000 It's time.

00:13:41.000 And he wakes up and he's like, it's time to lick my balls.

00:13:47.000 It's time!

00:13:50.000 Yeah, man.

00:13:51.000 I just love the fact that that guy was that wealthy, and yet still...

00:13:56.000 I mean, I guess when you're that wealthy...

00:13:58.000 What was he worth at that time?

00:14:00.000 More than a billion dollars.

00:14:02.000 He was a billionaire.

00:14:04.000 He was an oil magnate.

00:14:06.000 Right?

00:14:07.000 Wasn't he?

00:14:08.000 I don't think she got the money, though.

00:14:11.000 I think the kids fought her.

00:14:15.000 100 million?

00:14:17.000 What?

00:14:19.000 That's peanuts!

00:14:22.000 It got hot, dog.

00:14:25.000 Anna Colesman's daughter is now the fourth richest woman in the U.S. It's what?

00:14:30.000 Oh.

00:14:30.000 No, it says 37 billion, though.

00:14:34.000 Oh, Coke Brothers.

00:14:35.000 Oh, I see, I see.

00:14:37.000 He was 69th on the list.

00:14:39.000 Oh, but fourth richest woman.

00:14:42.000 Do you know out of the richest women in the world?

00:14:44.000 Google the richest women in the world, like where they got their money from.

00:14:48.000 It's rough.

00:14:49.000 It's rough out there, guys.

00:14:51.000 They ain't fucking starting businesses.

00:14:55.000 They're married dummies.

00:14:57.000 Really?

00:14:57.000 Is that how they got their money?

00:14:58.000 It's almost all of it.

00:15:00.000 It's divorce.

00:15:01.000 Almost all of it's divorce money.

00:15:05.000 Feminists do not want to hear this, but there was one woman who was the richest woman ever from a startup company.

00:15:14.000 Elizabeth, what was her name?

00:15:16.000 From Theranos?

00:15:18.000 What was her name?

00:15:20.000 Elizabeth something?

00:15:22.000 Not Smith.

00:15:25.000 What was it?

00:15:25.000 Holmes.

00:15:27.000 Elizabeth Holmes.

00:15:28.000 She ran a company called Theranos.

00:15:30.000 She started it herself, dropped out of college to start this company, and it was a total fraud.

00:15:35.000 It was all fraudulent.

00:15:37.000 She's going to jail forever.

00:15:38.000 She was worth $34 billion at one point.

00:15:41.000 It was a blood testing company, and what it was was they just take a prick of your blood.

00:15:45.000 Instead of taking a bunch of your blood, are you going to get your blood drawn?

00:15:49.000 Her thing was like, let's just be able to take a prick of the blood, Just a little tiny prick like you can go to a store, get a prick of your blood, and they're going to be able to do a battery test on you and find out what's going on.

00:15:59.000 The problem was it didn't fucking work!

00:16:01.000 And they falsified all sorts of data and they lied to investors and all sorts of shit.

00:16:06.000 This lady, she used to dress like Steve Jobs.

00:16:08.000 She wore a black turtleneck and everything.

00:16:11.000 I saw her speak once.

00:16:13.000 Here it goes.

00:16:14.000 Elizabeth Holmes indicted on fraud.

00:16:17.000 Oh, they got you with the fucking pop-up ad.

00:16:19.000 There she is.

00:16:21.000 She's going to jail.

00:16:23.000 She's fucked.

00:16:25.000 Oh, I won.

00:16:26.000 But she was at one point in time the richest self-made person in the world.

00:16:31.000 The richest self-made woman in the world.

00:16:32.000 She was worth billions of dollars.

00:16:36.000 The shit people do.

00:16:38.000 I watched a thing the other day on Crazy Eddie.

00:16:40.000 Do you remember Crazy Eddie?

00:16:41.000 Yeah, Crazy Eddie!

00:16:42.000 His prices are insane!

00:16:44.000 Did you know what Crazy Eddie did?

00:16:45.000 Well, tell everybody who Crazy Eddie was.

00:16:47.000 Crazy Eddie was a guy that had stores in all five boroughs of New York.

00:16:50.000 Wholesale outlets.

00:16:52.000 TVs.

00:16:53.000 Stereos, TVs, and everything like that.

00:16:55.000 I was watching MSNBC, Greed.

00:16:58.000 They have a series called Greed.

00:17:00.000 There he is.

00:17:23.000 He's wearing a Santa Claus outfit.

00:17:25.000 He's going fucking crazy with fake snow in the background.

00:17:29.000 He...

00:17:32.000 He like knitted out of the park.

00:17:35.000 Didn't he go to Israel?

00:17:36.000 He went to Israel to hide, to flee, but the most brilliant thing he did was, he took either, don't fucking check fact me on this, he took either his nephew, his son-in-law, somebody that he was related to through blood, put him through college,

00:17:53.000 So he could get a job at the IRS. So they could figure out how to rob from the IRS. This is how fucking insane this guy was.

00:18:03.000 I'm watching this diet and how they got Crazy Eddie.

00:18:07.000 Crazy Eddie fled after he started just buying boxes.

00:18:12.000 You know how you, remember years ago you'd be driving in New York and there was some guy selling stereo speakers?

00:18:18.000 Yeah.

00:18:18.000 And then you'd take him home and there was two bricks?

00:18:20.000 Yep.

00:18:21.000 Well, he did the same thing to investors.

00:18:23.000 He took boxes, filled them up with bricks, and just stocked them in a warehouse, and then he went public.

00:18:30.000 So he got everybody to come down and look at all his inventory and all these fact checkers.

00:18:34.000 They're checking boxes with bricks in them.

00:18:37.000 Whoa!

00:18:38.000 And he had, I mean, five fucking warehouses all around.

00:18:41.000 They were all fake.

00:18:42.000 And he got all this money.

00:18:43.000 He fled to Israel.

00:18:45.000 And he fled for a while, but they knew he was a pussy hound.

00:18:49.000 Right?

00:18:50.000 So they got him like Escobar style.

00:18:52.000 They got him like, you know, on the phone, like, I'm going to the store.

00:18:55.000 Something crazy.

00:18:56.000 And what they did was they put a blonde on the side of the road with a miniskirt.

00:19:01.000 And they knew eventually he would drive by and stop.

00:19:04.000 No!

00:19:05.000 And he stopped.

00:19:06.000 Ah!

00:19:09.000 That's how they nailed him.

00:19:11.000 What is the...

00:19:12.000 Did you Google the richest women in the world?

00:19:14.000 Where they got their money from?

00:19:16.000 Crazy Eddie, hold on.

00:19:18.000 His prices are insane!

00:19:19.000 He's a bad motherfucker, though.

00:19:21.000 Paramus, Syosset, Queens, Long Island.

00:19:24.000 Come now!

00:19:25.000 And he had commercials.

00:19:27.000 He was the first one that pushed the commercial barrier.

00:19:31.000 Yeah, he made fun commercials.

00:19:32.000 It was Imus and him.

00:19:34.000 Like Imus had the pimp with a bunch of his hoes that would go, did you hear what my man said this morning?

00:19:42.000 Yeah, and he had a bunch of those.

00:19:43.000 Crazy Eddie had the best one.

00:19:45.000 He had Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Wolfman peeing at the men's urinal.

00:19:51.000 I missed the Imus thing, because I came in, like, I remember, I found out about Imus because Howard Stern was talking shit about him.

00:19:59.000 And I was like, who is this Imus guy?

00:20:01.000 Imus was around when I was a kid.

00:20:02.000 Yeah, it was way...

00:20:03.000 I got in way late.

00:20:05.000 He was already real old.

00:20:08.000 The fucking king of New York when I was eight, nine.

00:20:11.000 Imus would come out in the morning and talk shit.

00:20:14.000 When I saw him, he was wearing like a turquoise, one of those weird ties, those bolo ties that like cowboys were wearing.

00:20:23.000 He had a fucking cowboy hat on and his whole studio was done like the West.

00:20:29.000 It was real weird.

00:20:30.000 Yeah, he got weird at the end.

00:20:32.000 But it was really, he was wearing cowboy boots and shit.

00:20:34.000 It was like, are you a rancher?

00:20:35.000 Yeah, he got weird at the end.

00:20:37.000 A.M. radio show from New York City.

00:20:39.000 Like, what is this?

00:20:39.000 Poor Em just got fucked up.

00:20:41.000 And they were paying him.

00:20:41.000 I mean, he was on for a while.

00:20:43.000 Remember he said nappy-headed hoes?

00:20:44.000 And they're like...

00:20:48.000 We tried to compete with Stern, right?

00:20:51.000 That's what it was.

00:20:51.000 It was definitely some of that, but he was trying to be outrageous even before Stern, I believe.

00:21:00.000 It just wasn't at the same level.

00:21:02.000 Stern's outrageousness was nationwide.

00:21:05.000 Imus was really like an East Coast thing.

00:21:07.000 People knew about him in New York.

00:21:09.000 I never heard about him in New York, or in Boston, but I'd heard about Stern.

00:21:14.000 We all knew about Stern, but nobody really knew about it.

00:21:17.000 It never made it there.

00:21:19.000 And then when I came to New York, it was at the end when Stern was already the king.

00:21:24.000 And Imus was just sort of this guy that he hated.

00:21:27.000 And I was like, who is this I-man?

00:21:29.000 Who is this Imus guy?

00:21:30.000 And then he had a TV show for a while.

00:21:32.000 And then during the TV show...

00:21:34.000 We'd see him in the studio, and it was, you know, no disrespect, but it was really fucking boring.

00:21:39.000 It was boring.

00:21:41.000 Like, there was no life to them.

00:21:42.000 Like, their opinions weren't that interesting.

00:21:44.000 It was him, and then there was another guy there that looked like he was just waiting for the fucking buzzer to ring.

00:21:48.000 He was waiting to go home, and then there was a woman that was with him.

00:21:51.000 There was no life in the room.

00:21:53.000 Like, if you watch the Stern show, there would be midgets shooting bottle rockets out of their assholes, and porn stars riding dildos, and it was chaos.

00:22:02.000 There was plastic all over the ground because the girls would be squirting.

00:22:05.000 It was just madness.

00:22:07.000 Not that that's good or bad, but it was exciting.

00:22:11.000 You're driving to work in the morning, you're hearing some girl freaking out because she's riding on that Sibian thing he'd make girls ride on.

00:22:20.000 It was madness.

00:22:21.000 So you had never heard anything like that on the radio before.

00:22:25.000 So then you would hear about Imus.

00:22:27.000 And Imus is like, well, what do we got here this morning?

00:22:29.000 Oh, this is a happy-headed host.

00:22:31.000 You're like, what?

00:22:32.000 The H tried to just be at the end.

00:22:34.000 It was just...

00:22:35.000 It was in comparison.

00:22:36.000 It was so...

00:22:37.000 It was dead.

00:22:38.000 It was like, it was dry.

00:22:40.000 Kennison on Stern was great.

00:22:42.000 Fucking Flava Flav, the one time on Stern.

00:22:45.000 I mean, there's so many great Sterns.

00:22:47.000 Artie was so great back then.

00:22:49.000 Artie was the best back then, man.

00:22:50.000 Artie was fucking amazing.

00:22:52.000 If you listen to an old Artie one, when he had just gotten off the subway, he just shot heroin, God knows where.

00:22:59.000 He'd had sunglasses on.

00:23:01.000 Yeah, he'd fall asleep.

00:23:02.000 That shit was fucking insane.

00:23:05.000 And he said like that they encouraged him, you know, but man...

00:23:10.000 What are you gonna do when a guy's like that?

00:23:13.000 You gonna help him?

00:23:14.000 The problem with people that are that fucked up is the only thing that ever helps them is themselves.

00:23:20.000 The only thing.

00:23:21.000 It's like they have to hit rock bottom and then they have to decide they're gonna do something about it.

00:23:27.000 But when you do get a lot of love for being fucked up, that is kind of a problem.

00:23:32.000 Because you do start to think This is my thing.

00:23:36.000 My thing is being a fucked up guy.

00:23:38.000 People love me when I'm fucked up.

00:23:40.000 This is what I do.

00:23:41.000 And you can fall into that.

00:23:43.000 Probably Belushi had the same problem.

00:23:46.000 Yep.

00:23:46.000 The other guy, God rest his soul, had the same problem.

00:23:49.000 There's a niche you fall into.

00:23:51.000 I remember there was a pizza parlor when I was a kid.

00:23:53.000 His name was Nick the Greek.

00:23:55.000 Fucking tremendous pizza.

00:23:56.000 Even though he was Greek, we let it slide.

00:23:59.000 He put the Sicilian by the window, and the flies would land on it.

00:24:03.000 It was like the airport for the flies that would land.

00:24:06.000 We would break his balls, Nick.

00:24:07.000 But I remember I went down to Quaalude one night, fucked up to the gills.

00:24:11.000 He'd vomit all over my shirt.

00:24:13.000 And every time he'd see me, he'd call me fucking Balushi.

00:24:17.000 That's when Belushi almost died.

00:24:19.000 For years, he called me fucking Belushi.

00:24:23.000 And there was another kid who had a beard, and he called him Ayatollah Khomeini.

00:24:26.000 He had nicknames for us.

00:24:28.000 But that's a weird...

00:24:30.000 It bothered me after a while.

00:24:31.000 He would call me Belushi.

00:24:33.000 And when Belushi died, it really started bothering me.

00:24:35.000 Like, am I next?

00:24:36.000 He would call me Belushi to my face.

00:24:38.000 Look who it is, fucking Belushi.

00:24:41.000 I was fucked up.

00:24:43.000 I went in there one night on a quail and opened up the red pepper and threw it at him.

00:24:48.000 But I used to sell him jewelry.

00:24:50.000 Like I would sell him stolen.

00:24:51.000 Me and Nick were tight.

00:24:53.000 Nick was the pizza parlor 50 yards from the high school.

00:24:56.000 And you could run a tab with Nick.

00:24:58.000 And Nick used to, I used to give Nick jewelry and he would look at me and he would go, speak.

00:25:03.000 How much do you think that's worth?

00:25:05.000 Because jewelry was 800 an ounce at that time, gold.

00:25:09.000 And I would bring him jewelry.

00:25:11.000 He would look at it and then take it, give me money, and put it in one of his pockets from his apron.

00:25:17.000 So two days later, I'd go in there and go, Nick, let me use your bathroom.

00:25:20.000 And I'd go in there and stick my hand in the apron and take the jewelry back.

00:25:24.000 And then a week later, I'd go back to him, Nick, how much for the ring?

00:25:27.000 And he'd look at me.

00:25:28.000 And he was racist as fuck.

00:25:30.000 Like, he would either call me Belushi or Spick to my face.

00:25:33.000 Like, it didn't matter.

00:25:37.000 There was a kid, you know, this is on Kennedy Boulevard.

00:25:40.000 This is a big boulevard.

00:25:41.000 And there was a kid that would come in there, and I'm still dear friends with, that his family had money.

00:25:46.000 And he would go in there and buy a slice of pizza.

00:25:49.000 But he would cross the street because the iced tea across the street was a dime cheaper.

00:25:54.000 Remember when iced tea came in those fucking cardboard, milk cardboards?

00:25:57.000 Yeah.

00:25:58.000 He would always cross the street.

00:26:00.000 So Nick would be having a conversation.

00:26:01.000 It was like, what's going on?

00:26:02.000 And also he'd go, what's...

00:26:04.000 And we go, he went across the street to get the ice cream.

00:26:07.000 He would fucking flip out.

00:26:09.000 He'd run from behind the counter, run on to Kennedy Boulevard.

00:26:13.000 Hundreds of people would be out there.

00:26:14.000 And he'd yell at the kid, Tony, you fucking Jew!

00:26:19.000 You fuck you fucking Jew!

00:26:22.000 The kid wasn't Jewish.

00:26:23.000 He was Italian.

00:26:24.000 He was just cheap and shit like that.

00:26:25.000 That's it.

00:26:27.000 Ten cents.

00:26:29.000 You've got to be pretty cheap to run across the street for ten cents.

00:26:31.000 It was 45 cents for the iced tea, but at Hashways it was 35 cents.

00:26:36.000 And you'd run across the street.

00:26:37.000 Then the Hashways deli was great because the mother was losing her hair.

00:26:41.000 So every time you got a sandwich, you get a little piece of hair in your food.

00:26:45.000 So you wouldn't get hair.

00:26:46.000 You'd go, Ms. Hash, you didn't get any more hair today.

00:26:48.000 Everything had a little piece of hair in it.

00:26:50.000 The macaroni salad.

00:26:52.000 And you ate it.

00:26:52.000 Who gave a fuck?

00:26:53.000 It was tremendous.

00:26:54.000 She made the best roast beef on rye in the world.

00:26:57.000 But every...

00:26:58.000 No, in fact, the whole family...

00:27:00.000 Her and her son were losing their hair.

00:27:03.000 And I learned from her son, like her son was losing his hair, but he couldn't control his emotions about it.

00:27:08.000 He went to everything, Joe.

00:27:10.000 He did the fucking stitches.

00:27:12.000 He would spray paint his hair.

00:27:15.000 He was one of those guys.

00:27:16.000 The hat, like he tried, but the hair just kept falling out.

00:27:20.000 He had the male pattern, whatever.

00:27:22.000 We were kids.

00:27:24.000 But the mom had it too.

00:27:25.000 The mom had it.

00:27:26.000 Maybe it was something in the house.

00:27:27.000 I don't know what it was.

00:27:29.000 And the dad had it, and the brother had it, and fucking everything you got there had a little piece of hair on it, dog.

00:27:35.000 Whatever you got always had hair.

00:27:37.000 If you didn't get hair, you were like beat.

00:27:40.000 You're like, Ms. Hash, what's up?

00:27:41.000 No hair today.

00:27:43.000 Did you say it to her face?

00:27:44.000 Oh, we used to torture her all the time.

00:27:46.000 We love Mrs. Hash.

00:27:47.000 A dude losing his hair, it's fucking devastating.

00:27:51.000 But a woman losing her hair, way more devastating.

00:27:55.000 There's something about women losing their hair, it kills them.

00:27:59.000 Really?

00:27:59.000 Oh, it's so sad.

00:28:00.000 Yeah.

00:28:01.000 I've seen women lose their hair.

00:28:03.000 It's awful.

00:28:04.000 You know, they get alopecia.

00:28:06.000 You know, alopecia is weird.

00:28:07.000 Like, you could lose your eyebrows.

00:28:08.000 You know, people lose their eyebrows.

00:28:10.000 Sometimes shit just starts falling off.

00:28:13.000 There's a singer, there's a popular singer in a band, and he's got alopecia.

00:28:17.000 And I just saw that they busted him out 30 years later.

00:28:20.000 You didn't know that was a wig even then.

00:28:23.000 And I knew about him growing up, that he would just lose his hair, you know, from time to time.

00:28:28.000 Some guys lose their eyelashes, they lose everything.

00:28:31.000 That's fucked up when you lose your eyelashes.

00:28:33.000 And I'm getting older, like my hairline is receding, but my eye line is getting bushier.

00:28:39.000 Yeah, your eyebrows.

00:28:40.000 Eyebrows.

00:28:40.000 You get some crazy eyebrows.

00:28:41.000 Bro, they're getting bushier as shit.

00:28:44.000 Yeah, it's weird.

00:28:44.000 Sometimes I'm driving at night and there's something in my vision.

00:28:47.000 And I gotta go home and I gotta fucking chop an eyebrow.

00:28:50.000 It's like a satellite.

00:28:52.000 I ask my wife, don't you see this shit?

00:28:54.000 Yeah, old guys.

00:28:55.000 It's like old Scottish guys.

00:28:57.000 Old Irish guys, Scottish guys.

00:28:59.000 Yeah, fucking caterpillars growing out of their eyebrows.

00:29:02.000 I got no hair on my legs.

00:29:03.000 I got minimal hair on my shoulders.

00:29:05.000 I got no hair on my back.

00:29:07.000 I'm one of those guys.

00:29:07.000 Yeah, you don't have any hair on your arms.

00:29:08.000 Nothing, nothing.

00:29:10.000 I got hair that grows out of my ears.

00:29:12.000 This time I stick a Q-tip in my ear.

00:29:14.000 And I can hear the hair twisting in my fucking ear.

00:29:18.000 You know what that's like?

00:29:19.000 My eyebrows, bro, get bushy as fuck.

00:29:21.000 I gotta bring scissors with me on the road to trim my...

00:29:24.000 Because in your mirror at home, you don't see this shit.

00:29:27.000 You get on the road with light in the hotel room.

00:29:30.000 And you're like, look at this fucking hair growing out of my nose.

00:29:34.000 Did you find about the women with the investments?

00:29:37.000 Yeah, I was waiting to...

00:29:38.000 Oh, good.

00:29:39.000 From Newsweek in July.

00:29:41.000 Okay, what does it say?

00:29:42.000 It's like right here.

00:29:44.000 Upper echelons of money and power, blah, blah, blah.

00:29:48.000 According to Forbes, the world's 15 wealthiest people are men.

00:29:52.000 Women only make up 10% of the top 100. Separate wealthiest women in the world, most of their money comes from their male relatives or husbands.

00:30:00.000 Yeah.

00:30:01.000 The top 10 wealthiest men made their fortunes themselves.

00:30:04.000 Now, who are the top 10 wealthiest women?

00:30:07.000 That didn't get it from divorce.

00:30:09.000 Oh, here's the girl, though.

00:30:09.000 Oprah's got to be up there.

00:30:11.000 Hold on a second.

00:30:11.000 Yeah, she's up there.

00:30:12.000 The first self-made woman on the list is, wow, I don't know how to say this woman's name, Z-H-O-U, that's one word, Q-U-N-F-E-I, Zhu Kunfi, who was born to a poor family in China,

00:30:27.000 dropped out of school at 16. She went on to found an enormously successful technology company.

00:30:36.000 But if you put men back into the equation, she's only 198th richest person in the world.

00:30:41.000 Hmm.

00:30:42.000 No matter how you feel about the concept of few people hoarding enormous wealth, the notion that women can only access money and power through their families or husbands seems medieval at best.

00:30:52.000 Yet we see it occur at the very top of many professions outside of the business world.

00:30:59.000 Yeah, it's most people.

00:31:01.000 Can you read the next stuff?

00:31:02.000 Yeah, a recent high-profile example is Hillary Clinton.

00:31:06.000 During her presidential campaign, the first female major party nominee, she campaigned on a ticket of empowerment, yet although she is accomplished in her own right, she entered politics as the wife of Bill Clinton and has undoubtedly benefited from his prestige and connections.

00:31:21.000 Yeah, well, that's true, but she also was a lawyer.

00:31:24.000 I thought it was about money.

00:31:25.000 I didn't mean for you to read that.

00:31:26.000 She was a lawyer and, you know, she was a senator.

00:31:29.000 Now, Oprah's up there as the world's richest women, period, like, have made it on their own.

00:31:34.000 That's a weird thing, because they're saying...

00:31:37.000 I'm not a big fan of Hillary Clinton, but by saying, she definitely entered because she was, you know, she was married to him, but she was a lawyer.

00:31:47.000 I mean, she's an accomplished person.

00:31:49.000 She's educated, accomplished, she was a senator.

00:31:52.000 I don't think that makes sense.

00:31:53.000 I hate when people say to them, you know what, you're at the right place at the right time, bitch.

00:31:58.000 And you jumped.

00:32:00.000 And you jumped.

00:32:01.000 Yeah.

00:32:02.000 You jumped, bitch.

00:32:03.000 So that's the problem.

00:32:03.000 I'm not mad at nobody.

00:32:05.000 You can't say she got into...

00:32:06.000 Yeah, she may be a little help, a push here, a call here, but she jumped.

00:32:11.000 There's a great book I'm reading right now.

00:32:13.000 It's called Outliers by Malcolm McDowell.

00:32:15.000 It's fucking great.

00:32:16.000 And it's all about what makes people successful and why they were successful.

00:32:22.000 And there are a lot of factors, man.

00:32:24.000 There's a lot of factors in when you were born.

00:32:27.000 Like a lot of it, he goes on about hockey players, about professional hockey players, that almost all of them were born at a certain time so that they were at the end of the age cutoff.

00:32:38.000 So like say if you're between 10 and 11 when you go into, what is that, 5th grade?

00:32:44.000 If you're one of the oldest kids, you have a way better chance of being successful at hockey because your body's more mature than whether you're one of the youngest kids that goes into sixth grade.

00:32:56.000 So whether you're fifth grade or sixth grade, what year you were born is a big factor.

00:33:02.000 So the kids that were born later, so that they're older, rather, the kids that are older when they enter into the fifth grade or sixth grade, they're, like, across the board, unanimously, all the top-level professionals were all older kids in younger grades.

00:33:20.000 So that they're playing against smaller kids, they get more time, they're better, so they get more coaching, they get more hours playing.

00:33:27.000 There's a lot of factors.

00:33:29.000 There's a lot of factors in like one of the things about Bill Gates that there was it's a there's a whole great chapter on Bill Gates and about when Bill Gates was young the the school that he went to had a computer class that allowed him to do coding and then he got into the University of Washington they would let him get into their their computer room from 3 a.m.

00:33:51.000 to 6 a.m.

00:33:52.000 They had this open block so him and his friends would sneak into that place at three o'clock in the morning So all these different factors that lead to someone being super successful, it's not just that you work hard.

00:34:04.000 It's sometimes you get these weird advantages in life.

00:34:08.000 There's a bunch of things.

00:34:09.000 For sure, hard work plays a factor.

00:34:12.000 If you don't do nothing, You just sit around and woe is me and cry and think the world's fucked.

00:34:19.000 You're not going anywhere.

00:34:20.000 But the people that make it to the very top, the Bill Gates, the Steve Jobs, they have a bunch of things going for them.

00:34:26.000 It's not just hard work.

00:34:28.000 It's also circumstance, fortune, where they are, who's around them, who encourages them.

00:34:35.000 There's a bunch.

00:34:36.000 And what time they were born, and what age they were when certain things happened in the world.

00:34:43.000 There's a bunch of factors.

00:34:44.000 But for all those chicks, it's just marrying the right dude.

00:34:48.000 Getting divorced.

00:34:50.000 Getting paid.

00:34:52.000 I know a lady who just got paid from a divorce, and she's just shooting shit into her face and banging 20-year-olds now.

00:35:01.000 It's hilarious.

00:35:02.000 She's in her late 40s, banging 20-year-old dudes.

00:35:07.000 How rough is that for speed to cut that check?

00:35:12.000 For the guy?

00:35:13.000 Yeah, that's rough.

00:35:15.000 I've known guys.

00:35:16.000 I knew a guy who cut a check for somewhere in the neighborhood of $50 million.

00:35:22.000 Yeah.

00:35:23.000 To his ex.

00:35:24.000 I know a guy who cuts a check for 30 grand a month, G. 30 grand a month.

00:35:32.000 Oh, I know a couple guys who pay that.

00:35:34.000 And that was not beside the half million up front.

00:35:38.000 Oh, yeah.

00:35:39.000 The house.

00:35:40.000 Two cars.

00:35:42.000 He just walked away.

00:35:44.000 I know a guy who's paying close to that, and he hasn't even seen his wife.

00:35:48.000 He's been married to a new woman, a different woman, for 14 years.

00:35:55.000 At least, yeah, 14 years.

00:35:57.000 And he was only married to that lady for 12. And he's still cutting her checks.

00:36:01.000 And no kids.

00:36:02.000 He's got kids with a new woman.

00:36:04.000 The old woman, no kids.

00:36:06.000 Still cutting her fat checks.

00:36:09.000 Tries to bring it to court.

00:36:10.000 Try to reduce the amount of money.

00:36:11.000 She fights him tooth and nail.

00:36:13.000 You son of a bitch, you left me.

00:36:15.000 He left her 14 fucking years ago, man.

00:36:17.000 They were only together for 12 years.

00:36:19.000 It's like, she doesn't want to work.

00:36:21.000 He fucked her so hard she can't work anymore.

00:36:26.000 It's crazy!

00:36:27.000 If it was a man, if the situation was reversed, and a guy was dating a girl, and they were dating for 12 years, and she was like, I'm tired of this, I'm gonna go fuck some new dude, and the guy took her to court, got money from her, and wanted money still, 14 years later, what kind of a fucking man would that be?

00:36:44.000 Like, get a job!

00:36:46.000 Go do something with your life!

00:36:48.000 You are a human being.

00:36:50.000 You met another human being, you spent some time with them, they don't want to be with you anymore, it's over!

00:36:56.000 There's no children to take care of.

00:36:58.000 What do you tell the judge that you want your lifestyle?

00:37:01.000 The lifestyle that you were accustomed to.

00:37:02.000 I want to maintain my lifestyle, judge.

00:37:04.000 I like to buy nice purses.

00:37:06.000 I like to walk my little dog.

00:37:07.000 I like to put him in a little purse.

00:37:09.000 Now, in California, there's different factors also.

00:37:12.000 You have to be with that person for 10 years or something, right?

00:37:15.000 There's little factors in a couple of by-the-ways.

00:37:18.000 There's factors, and they change depending upon the laws, and they change depending upon how much money you make.

00:37:25.000 My friend was pretty wealthy.

00:37:26.000 He did well.

00:37:27.000 But the guy who I know had to pay $50 million, he's real successful, obviously.

00:37:32.000 I mean, you've got to make a lot of money to give your wife $50 million, but he still had to give her $50 million.

00:37:37.000 Listen, I see the kid point.

00:37:39.000 Five-zero, baby!

00:37:40.000 I see the child support point, and I see a little bit of help.

00:37:46.000 There's the list.

00:37:47.000 Here's the unique one.

00:37:48.000 Oh.

00:37:49.000 Madonna's divorce from Guy Ritchie estimated $76 to $92 million.

00:37:55.000 She had to give him?

00:37:57.000 I mean, she's the first woman listed first on this.

00:37:59.000 Damn!

00:38:00.000 She had to give him $76 million?

00:38:02.000 Way to go, Guy Ritchie!

00:38:04.000 I'd like to have him back here.

00:38:05.000 Now I know how you buy those suits, motherfucker.

00:38:08.000 Now, what's his name?

00:38:09.000 Pays, the singer from Bush.

00:38:11.000 Look at this.

00:38:12.000 Michael Jordan's divorce from Juanita Jordan, $168 million.

00:38:18.000 Mel Gibson's divorce in 2006 after 26 years.

00:38:23.000 $425 million.

00:38:25.000 Goddamn!

00:38:26.000 Stop scrolling.

00:38:27.000 Look at this.

00:38:28.000 Jesus Christ.

00:38:29.000 Steve Wynn's divorce in 2020. $1 billion!

00:38:34.000 Oh my goodness!

00:38:38.000 Oh my goodness, Steve Wynn.

00:38:41.000 One billion.

00:38:43.000 Rupert Murdoch's divorce in 1999 after 31 years of marriage, 1.7 billion!

00:38:50.000 Neil Diamond, 150. Harrison Ford, 118 million.

00:38:56.000 Whoa, Harrison Ford had to give up the cheddar.

00:38:59.000 Steven Spielberg, 100 million.

00:39:01.000 I remember that one.

00:39:03.000 That girl was an actress, and she fucking vanished.

00:39:08.000 Kevin Costner, $80 million.

00:39:10.000 James Cameron, Linda Hamilton, $50 million.

00:39:12.000 Michael Douglas.

00:39:14.000 Paul McCarthy.

00:39:15.000 That's the chick that was missing the leg, right?

00:39:17.000 Heather Mills.

00:39:18.000 Yeah, that's a dark one, man.

00:39:19.000 That's a dark one, man.

00:39:19.000 That woman was mean.

00:39:21.000 She was nasty, man.

00:39:24.000 Yeah, there's a lot of them.

00:39:25.000 Mick Jagger, 15 million, 25 million, he got off light.

00:39:29.000 Bro, Mick Jagger, because remember, he fucking married in Jamaica, and it was like a Puerto Rican priest on his day off, so he knew it going in, because Mick Jagger ain't giving you dick.

00:39:40.000 I think that was Jerry Hall.

00:39:42.000 I think that was Jerry Hall.

00:39:43.000 Who's that one?

00:39:43.000 I think that was wife number two.

00:39:44.000 Who's this one?

00:39:45.000 That's Bianca Jagger.

00:39:46.000 The first one.

00:39:47.000 The first one.

00:39:47.000 The first one, he had to pay.

00:39:49.000 The second one, he's like, listen...

00:39:51.000 We're going to work around this way.

00:39:53.000 Oh yeah, he don't fuck around.

00:39:54.000 That guy, before he was in the Stones, Jamie, what's the school he went to?

00:40:00.000 Don't make me say something wrong.

00:40:02.000 He went to the School of Wales or something for business.

00:40:05.000 He's all about the cheddar.

00:40:08.000 For the last 15 years, he's just been impregnating women all over the country and cutting them a check and saying, you know...

00:40:15.000 London School of Economics.

00:40:17.000 Yeah, no, no, no, no.

00:40:18.000 Listen, when it comes to...

00:40:20.000 Bro, when it comes to...

00:40:21.000 There's stories that you hear that you're like, no, he didn't.

00:40:26.000 Like, no, he did not.

00:40:28.000 What a drag it is.

00:40:30.000 Getting old.

00:40:31.000 Do you ever see any of it?

00:40:33.000 Joe Rogan, do you ever see any of his rehearsal things?

00:40:36.000 Do you ever see any of his videos?

00:40:37.000 Do you follow him at all?

00:40:39.000 I follow him, yeah.

00:40:40.000 Do you see any of the videos that he does of him working out in the afternoons at 72 years old?

00:40:45.000 Oh, he works out hard, man.

00:40:46.000 Like him dancing still, like Michael Jackson.

00:40:48.000 Works out twice a day.

00:40:49.000 That guy does not fuck around.

00:40:51.000 No.

00:40:52.000 And I still remember one particular story when he got to Boulder.

00:40:55.000 They played with the Boulder Buffalo where the college plays.

00:40:59.000 And he walked in and he goes, what's wrong with those seats?

00:41:02.000 And they were like, well, Mr. Jagger, they're behind the stage.

00:41:04.000 Bitch, you better get to sell them.

00:41:08.000 Because I ain't taking the stage until those motherfuckers are sold out.

00:41:11.000 He sold the tickets behind the stage?

00:41:14.000 Mick Jagger's brutal.

00:41:15.000 They could pay for my ass.

00:41:18.000 They could pay for my ass.

00:41:19.000 Mick Jagger's brutal, bro.

00:41:21.000 He's brutal.

00:41:22.000 And that was back before they had those giant screens.

00:41:24.000 There was no giant TV screens.

00:41:25.000 This is 88?

00:41:27.000 They didn't have those giant screens.

00:41:28.000 This is 88, 87?

00:41:29.000 They don't give a fuck.

00:41:31.000 They didn't have those big LCDs where you could see them.

00:41:33.000 Like, if you go see, say, Drake, and he's at a theater in a round, and you see his butt, you're going to see his face on giant screens all around you.

00:41:43.000 You'll see it, you know?

00:41:45.000 You go to see a real popular person, and a lot of people are playing in the round, you know?

00:41:51.000 Mick Jagg is an interesting guy.

00:41:53.000 I don't think he's like very tight watches Giedis.

00:41:57.000 Tight, you know, he's just like tight.

00:42:00.000 How much time does he have left though?

00:42:02.000 I mean, he's like 76, right?

00:42:04.000 No, 72 maybe?

00:42:06.000 72?

00:42:08.000 75?

00:42:10.000 He's 75. How much time you got left?

00:42:13.000 If you're lucky, everything goes great.

00:42:16.000 You got 25 years, but those last 25 are rough.

00:42:20.000 Not with what he's got, because he could just lay there all day and have young girls massage him.

00:42:25.000 He's Mick Jagger, dog.

00:42:27.000 They could just blow on his little nutsack and sing fucking...

00:42:30.000 He's probably getting blood transfusions every day.

00:42:33.000 Yeah, no, he takes good care.

00:42:34.000 He's the backbone of the organization.

00:42:38.000 And just to think that Keith Richards is still alive and ticking, and there's people out there doing CrossFit.

00:42:44.000 And didn't Keith Richards write a book where he's kind of shitty about Mick Jagger?

00:42:49.000 He just told...

00:42:51.000 They kind of talk shit about each other, right?

00:42:53.000 That's how they sell books, dog.

00:42:55.000 Yeah, I know.

00:42:55.000 That's how they sell...

00:42:56.000 Mick Jagger probably called him and said, do this this way.

00:42:59.000 Tell the truth.

00:43:00.000 Fuck it.

00:43:01.000 Give me 10%.

00:43:03.000 And when I watch those little rehearsal tapes...

00:43:07.000 Look at them.

00:43:08.000 His fingers.

00:43:09.000 Look at those fingers.

00:43:12.000 We're looking at Keith Richards' fingers.

00:43:16.000 Every knuckle is swollen to the point, it's like double the size.

00:43:20.000 He looks like he's got Megaton Diaz's hands.

00:43:23.000 He's like a jiu-jitsu guy.

00:43:25.000 You ever seen Megaton Diaz's hands?

00:43:27.000 Yeah, that big fucking hand.

00:43:28.000 Mackenzie Dern's dad?

00:43:31.000 The girl who made that video?

00:43:32.000 Yeah.

00:43:33.000 You like that.

00:43:34.000 Making fun of you?

00:43:34.000 It's hilarious.

00:43:35.000 You like that.

00:43:36.000 But her dad, Megaton Diaz, a jujitsu legend, all his life he's done the gi.

00:43:42.000 Guys who do the gi all the time, they develop real bad arthritis in their hands.

00:43:46.000 And their joints swell up like crazy.

00:43:48.000 See if you find Megaton Diaz's hands.

00:43:51.000 That's not a good picture.

00:43:53.000 But there's some pictures of his knuckles.

00:43:56.000 They're crazy.

00:43:58.000 They're all fucked up and twisted.

00:44:01.000 You can tell a little bit there.

00:44:03.000 There you go.

00:44:04.000 Zoom in on his knuckles.

00:44:05.000 I didn't know he was Mackenzie Dern's dad.

00:44:06.000 Yeah.

00:44:07.000 Her dad is a fucking legend.

00:44:10.000 Zoom in on his hands.

00:44:11.000 That's as much as I can go.

00:44:11.000 Oh, that's as much as it goes.

00:44:12.000 But you see how fucking flamed out those knuckles are?

00:44:16.000 Guys have done the gi their whole life, and they're always grabbing and holding on to that gi.

00:44:21.000 They get that.

00:44:24.000 Yeah, that's okay.

00:44:25.000 We get the point.

00:44:26.000 But that's what Keith Richards' fingers look like.

00:44:29.000 Like, he's secretly doing jiu-jitsu on the slide.

00:44:32.000 That's 40 years of playing the guitar.

00:44:34.000 Look at those fucking fingers, man!

00:44:35.000 That is crazy!

00:44:37.000 That's guitar playing.

00:44:38.000 40 years, 50 years.

00:44:39.000 Meanwhile, he looks just as good as Mick Jagger.

00:44:42.000 He's doing blow every day, eating cockroaches, smoking cigarettes.

00:44:45.000 I don't think he looks as good as Mick Jagger.

00:44:46.000 Look, they look great!

00:44:47.000 I don't think he looks as good.

00:44:48.000 I think Mick Jagger looks fucking sensational.

00:44:52.000 But he doesn't in the face.

00:44:53.000 If you look at the two of them in the face, make that picture bigger, Jamie.

00:44:57.000 Look at them in the face.

00:44:58.000 Mick Jagger looks older.

00:45:00.000 It's hard to tell because Keith Richards is smiling.

00:45:03.000 I would love to see Mick Jagger still pull 21-year-olds out of the audience.

00:45:08.000 I bet they feel so weird when he fucks them.

00:45:11.000 It must feel so weird.

00:45:13.000 If I was a girl, I was 20 years old, I would fuck Mick Jagger just for the story.

00:45:18.000 But when he climbs on top of you and you smell death, you smell it coming out of his pores.

00:45:26.000 He's not...

00:45:28.000 He's just old.

00:45:29.000 He's a bad motherfucker.

00:45:31.000 He's just bad cells.

00:45:31.000 You smell misfiring cells all over the place.

00:45:34.000 Listen, when we were growing up, bro, 70-year-old people didn't look like that.

00:45:38.000 70-year-old people were not going on the road.

00:45:40.000 They weren't dancing like that.

00:45:41.000 They weren't touring like that.

00:45:42.000 That's something that you have to, and this is a new thing.

00:45:46.000 Well, it's a new thing.

00:45:48.000 First of all, all these bands that are going out, how about somebody called me the other day, and they're like, hey, man, I'm thinking of doing something New Year's Eve downtown.

00:46:00.000 You know I hate New Year's Eve, and I hate downtown even more.

00:46:05.000 Fucking Ozzy Osbourne's doing the Forum.

00:46:09.000 New Year's Eve.

00:46:10.000 Ozzy Osbourne.

00:46:11.000 The Western Forum?

00:46:12.000 The only forum I fucking know in LA. In Inglewood?

00:46:15.000 Yeah, with Rob Zombie and Marilyn Manson and fucking just...

00:46:20.000 And I'm sitting there going, 70 years old, and he's doing New Year's Eve.

00:46:26.000 At the fucking forum.

00:46:29.000 Probably got to.

00:46:31.000 Probably got to.

00:46:32.000 His wife probably tells him.

00:46:34.000 Fuck outta the house.

00:46:35.000 Go.

00:46:36.000 Make my knee.

00:46:37.000 Make my knee.

00:46:38.000 New Year's Eve at the forum, Joe.

00:46:41.000 They connect his ankles together with rubber bands so he can't make big steps.

00:46:44.000 Ever see how he walks?

00:46:46.000 Is that true or you just goofing on me?

00:46:49.000 You trying to pull a Mickey on me?

00:46:50.000 Remember when Mickey made fucking Rocky?

00:46:53.000 Put the...

00:46:54.000 Tie your legs together.

00:46:55.000 Tie your legs together.

00:46:56.000 It's the same problem Rocky had.

00:46:58.000 Rocky Manziano had it.

00:47:00.000 His legs were too wide.

00:47:02.000 Tell me you saw the trailer for...

00:47:04.000 Creed?

00:47:04.000 For Creed.

00:47:05.000 The first one was good.

00:47:07.000 Did you watch it?

00:47:08.000 I told you.

00:47:09.000 I called you and said, watch it.

00:47:10.000 It's not an Academy Award winner.

00:47:12.000 No.

00:47:12.000 That's a decent movie.

00:47:13.000 You know, man...

00:47:15.000 For years, I don't know.

00:47:16.000 I don't know how I felt about Sylvester Stallone.

00:47:19.000 I'm a fan.

00:47:20.000 I just didn't.

00:47:21.000 Then I went to your house that time, and your wife was goofing on you, and she's like, I think he's in love with Sylvester Stallone.

00:47:27.000 I hear you say, Sylvester Stallone's a canary in a coal mine.

00:47:29.000 You're like, look at him.

00:47:31.000 You had a picture of his phone when he was 65. Jacked.

00:47:34.000 He was just jacked.

00:47:35.000 Yeah.

00:47:36.000 Yeah, I like all that shit and stuff.

00:47:38.000 And then I was on a plane, and I said, let me watch this Creed.

00:47:41.000 And throughout...

00:47:42.000 I had tears in my eyes.

00:47:44.000 Because I'm like, this guy has got no respect for years.

00:47:48.000 You look at him now, people goofed on him and shit.

00:47:51.000 Dog, he wrote two or three...

00:47:54.000 Whoa, he had his whole back done?

00:47:55.000 Look at that.

00:47:56.000 Wow, look at that.

00:47:57.000 Zooming on his back.

00:47:59.000 Wow, I didn't know he had his whole back done.

00:48:02.000 That's crazy.

00:48:03.000 Like, this guy wrote a fucking two or three franchises.

00:48:09.000 This guy started, like, the other day they had some things about facts about a guy.

00:48:14.000 Like, he was fucking broke.

00:48:16.000 He had to sell his dog.

00:48:18.000 He had to do all this shit for him to make Rocky.

00:48:22.000 Look at that picture right there.

00:48:23.000 Yeah, look at this guy.

00:48:25.000 Jacked.

00:48:26.000 71. Jacked.

00:48:30.000 Fucking jacked.

00:48:33.000 When I saw that commercial for the first one with Creed, I was like, I'm not watching this shit.

00:48:38.000 And then AMC lately, every Sunday or something, they throw a Rocky on and you say, what the fuck?

00:48:45.000 I got 10 minutes before World News Tonight.

00:48:48.000 And you start watching it and you see the brilliance.

00:48:51.000 Of what this man has done.

00:48:53.000 It's brilliant.

00:48:54.000 It's just completely brilliant.

00:48:56.000 Whether it's cheesy with three, when he gets beat up, and Apollo Creed takes him to the ghetto, and makes some looking brothers, and they teach him how to...

00:49:06.000 Oh!

00:49:06.000 And now...

00:49:07.000 And then Creed, that kid, by the way, is a badass motherfucker.

00:49:11.000 Michael Johnson.

00:49:12.000 Oh!

00:49:12.000 And then Black Panther?

00:49:14.000 And then Black Panther?

00:49:15.000 Jesus Christ!

00:49:17.000 Him and the other guy are fucking superb.

00:49:19.000 But this now, like, and you look at it and you're like, like me and you at the store behind it, like you would say to me, really, Joe Diaz?

00:49:27.000 He's going to fight the Russians, son.

00:49:29.000 I could have wrote that idea on a fucking...

00:49:32.000 It's still huge.

00:49:33.000 It's still coming out Thanksgiving Day.

00:49:37.000 This guy is coming out...

00:49:38.000 It's going to be giant.

00:49:38.000 It's going to be huge!

00:49:40.000 It's gonna be huge!

00:49:42.000 I'll be there front and center at one o'clock.

00:49:44.000 What's crazy is that franchise started in the 70s.

00:49:48.000 70s.

00:49:48.000 He made Rocky 1 in the 70s.

00:49:50.000 I remember I watched it when I was a little kid.

00:49:53.000 I drank raw eggs and I ran around the block.

00:49:57.000 Like I just listened to a David Goggins fucking motivational speech.

00:50:01.000 I just, I read about this when they first started shooting this.

00:50:05.000 He told them to hit him for real and he put him in the ICU for nine days.

00:50:08.000 Dolph Lundgren.

00:50:10.000 He said try to knock him out.

00:50:13.000 What?

00:50:13.000 Why would he do that?

00:50:14.000 I don't know.

00:50:15.000 Dolph Lundgren was a legit Kyokushin karate champion.

00:50:18.000 Dolph Lundgren's a bad motherfucker.

00:50:21.000 Like, legitimate bad motherfucker.

00:50:23.000 Like, you know, he did a bunch of those crazy action movies and he played the Punisher and all that stuff.

00:50:28.000 But that guy was a legit karate champion.

00:50:32.000 He's a bad motherfucker, Dolph Lundgren.

00:50:34.000 I would not want that guy hitting me.

00:50:35.000 So what's this one called?

00:50:37.000 Lundgren put me in the hospital during Rocky IV. LAUGHTER Why would he let him hit him?

00:50:43.000 Well, you know who else knocked him?

00:50:44.000 Antonio Tarver knocked Sylvester Stallone out when he was doing that movie where he was still boxing.

00:50:51.000 Remember?

00:50:52.000 Just a few years ago, he was in his fucking 60s, and he was boxing in one of those movies.

00:50:58.000 He fought Antonio Tarver, Magic Man Tarver, who's a heavyweight champion, light heavyweight champion, knocked out Roy Jones Jr. Remember when he stood in front of Roy Jones?

00:51:07.000 He'd go, got any excuses tonight, Roy?

00:51:09.000 And then he knocked him out.

00:51:11.000 Antonio Tarver is a bad motherfucker, and apparently when they were doing scenes in a movie, he clipped him and KO'd him.

00:51:19.000 Here's the quick story.

00:51:21.000 He said he, for the first 45 seconds, he tried to really knock him out.

00:51:24.000 He hit him so hard his chest started, or his heart started to swell, his blood pressure went up.

00:51:29.000 Had to go back on an emergency jet to America, and he was in ICU for five days.

00:51:35.000 Whoa.

00:51:37.000 And the insurance company would not pay out.

00:51:39.000 He says, now I'm intensive care for five days with nuns walking around.

00:51:43.000 Insurance company would not pay out after they saw the footage of the incident.

00:51:46.000 Once they did, they wrote the check.

00:51:48.000 He hit my heart so hard, it banged against my ribs and started to swell.

00:51:53.000 And that usually happens in car accidents.

00:51:55.000 So I was hit by a truck.

00:51:57.000 That is ridiculous.

00:52:00.000 Sloan also talks about why he hated Lundgren from the get-go.

00:52:03.000 They're friends now.

00:52:05.000 Probably because he's a big handsome fellow from fucking Norway or where the hell he's from.

00:52:09.000 Where's he from?

00:52:10.000 Dolph Lundgren with that name.

00:52:12.000 Sweden, I think.

00:52:14.000 He's from some lab.

00:52:14.000 Yeah, he's like Gustafson's cousin.

00:52:16.000 Yeah.

00:52:17.000 He's like Alistair Gustafson's cousin or something.

00:52:20.000 Yeah, Sweden.

00:52:20.000 Sweden.

00:52:20.000 He's a legit bad motherfucker, though.

00:52:23.000 I didn't know that he was a Kyokushin guy.

00:52:25.000 Yes, he was a karate champion.

00:52:27.000 Yeah, I think he was a national champion.

00:52:30.000 Kyokushin's no joke, man.

00:52:31.000 Those fucking guys, that's a hard style.

00:52:34.000 Very hard style.

00:52:35.000 That's GSP also, isn't it?

00:52:37.000 Yeah.

00:52:38.000 Isn't that GSP style also?

00:52:40.000 Yep, yep.

00:52:40.000 Kyokushin?

00:52:41.000 I think Masayama's Kyokushin, I'm pretty sure.

00:52:45.000 They're really hard-hitting motherfuckers.

00:52:47.000 It's a very hard style.

00:52:49.000 The punches, yeah.

00:52:49.000 Leg kicks, a lot of wheel kicks.

00:52:51.000 What they do in the tournaments, Kyokushin tournaments, they'd punch to the body full blast, but kick to the legs, the head, the body, and they'd stand right in front of each other and beat the fuck out of each other.

00:53:01.000 It's horrific.

00:53:02.000 It's like kind of the opposite of...

00:53:05.000 Taekwondo was a lot of kicks and punches only to the body too, but Kyokushin, they threw leg kicks in there and there wasn't a lot of footwork with most of those guys.

00:53:17.000 Most of those guys stood in front of each other and battered each other.

00:53:20.000 But a lot of Kyokushin guys went on to be really successful in kickboxing.

00:53:25.000 In fact, a lot of the Holland influence in kickboxing came from a Kyokushin background.

00:53:32.000 Like, they started out with Kyokushin and kickboxing, and then they learned Thai techniques as well.

00:53:39.000 But a lot of those guys had an influence of Kyokushin karate.

00:53:43.000 Very big in Europe.

00:53:45.000 It's crazy.

00:53:45.000 When I first started in martial arts, the big thing was the sweep.

00:53:49.000 Sweep the leg.

00:53:50.000 In the early 70s, everybody swept.

00:53:52.000 You faked two high kicks, and even if it was a spinning back kick, the third one was a sweep, and that motherfucker was gone.

00:54:01.000 I used to go to all those karate tournaments, and that was my shit.

00:54:05.000 I throw two high spinning back kicks at you.

00:54:07.000 I didn't even want them to hit.

00:54:08.000 Sweeps are legit?

00:54:09.000 And nobody sweeps anymore.

00:54:11.000 Nobody sweeps.

00:54:11.000 Oh, they still do in MMA. In Muay Thai, it's big.

00:54:13.000 A little bit.

00:54:13.000 A little bit in MMA, but not as much as I'd expect.

00:54:17.000 A good sweep with a good fucking leg.

00:54:20.000 If you set them up, a good old-fashioned sweep.

00:54:23.000 I mean, what's his name?

00:54:24.000 Has that little sweep the leg, push your back, you know, your boy here.

00:54:30.000 Jon Jones?

00:54:31.000 No, the other guy.

00:54:32.000 Jon Jones has it too.

00:54:33.000 Yeah.

00:54:34.000 All those wrestlers have that little sweep.

00:54:37.000 I like that little sweep.

00:54:38.000 But I'm talking about from the fighter's position to just come into you with a sweep and throw your legs out from under you.

00:54:45.000 It takes a bunch of fakes.

00:54:47.000 So I'm here with you.

00:54:48.000 It's basically off like ba-ba-ba.

00:54:50.000 And instead of the elbow coming around, your leg comes around and sweeps that guy off his feet.

00:54:55.000 He lands on his back and you attack what you left.

00:54:58.000 There's still some guys that are really good at sweeps.

00:55:00.000 The thing about MMA is just there's so many different things going on.

00:55:03.000 But in Muay Thai, sweeps are huge in Muay Thai.

00:55:06.000 It's a big part of the sport.

00:55:08.000 You know, that's why I got, like, Gaston Volanos, who fights in Bellator, he's so high-level in Muay Thai, and now he's getting into MMA. He's fucking guys up, not just with sweeps, spinning elbows, all sorts of shit.

00:55:21.000 His level of Muay Thai, like, Muay Thai involves a lot of grappling, a lot of weird stuff.

00:55:27.000 I remember listening to Kenny Florian one time, and he goes that...

00:55:31.000 You know, Muay Thai even has a couple aspects from Jiu Jitsu in it, I guess.

00:55:36.000 Not Jiu Jitsu, but something else.

00:55:38.000 Greco-Roman.

00:55:38.000 Greco-Roman when you grab behind it.

00:55:40.000 They're always clinching.

00:55:43.000 There's a lot of clinch work, and those guys develop really strong cores and necks.

00:55:47.000 They grab each other by the back of the neck and they're moving each other around, sweeping each other all the time.

00:55:52.000 There's so much involved in framing with your forearms and sweeping the legs out and twisting and changing angles.

00:56:01.000 It's a great...

00:56:02.000 When you learn the other aspects of wrestling, when you learn takedowns and control, and then when you learn jujitsu and all these other...

00:56:10.000 Having that background from the clinch from Muay Thai is so gigantic because...

00:56:15.000 So many different things open up from there.

00:56:17.000 Elbows open up from there.

00:56:19.000 Knees to the body open up from there.

00:56:21.000 You wrestled in high school, G? I wrestled one year in high school.

00:56:24.000 Why didn't you wrestle all four?

00:56:25.000 Because I was still doing Taekwondo at the time.

00:56:27.000 And I had to figure out what was more important to me.

00:56:33.000 I couldn't do both.

00:56:34.000 It was just too exhausting.

00:56:35.000 I didn't like that wrestling shit.

00:56:36.000 Mr. Tabaccino...

00:56:38.000 He used to have that fucking weight room down to like 190. They were doing Hatha yoga before Hatha yoga was invented.

00:56:45.000 That room stunk and it was hotter than death than that.

00:56:48.000 I was always thinking there was asbestos coming off the ceiling too.

00:56:51.000 I was like, what is covering these pipes?

00:56:53.000 No one's checked these pipes.

00:56:54.000 I'm like, I don't want cancer.

00:56:56.000 What is happening in this wrestling room?

00:56:57.000 All those fucking schools had asbestos in it.

00:57:00.000 We breathed asbestos.

00:57:02.000 I ate paint chips in kindergarten.

00:57:05.000 All the water had lead.

00:57:06.000 If it didn't have lead, you'd be like, what?

00:57:08.000 I went to the park yesterday with my daughter, and there was a lady next to me, and she asked me where I was from.

00:57:13.000 And she goes, her father was from Brooklyn, and we started talking.

00:57:16.000 She had a beautiful little two-year-old.

00:57:18.000 And the two-year-old got caught on one of the monkey bars, and the father had to go over and help her.

00:57:23.000 And she goes, I remember going up to my father's neighborhood and seeing his play yard.

00:57:27.000 There were nothing like these.

00:57:29.000 And I go, I still remember coming from Cuba and doing that, you know, monkey bars.

00:57:33.000 But then you get so good that you put your legs up and you hang by your knees.

00:57:38.000 And one day, bro, I didn't hang right, and I landed on that concrete.

00:57:42.000 There was no rubber in those days.

00:57:44.000 It was just straight up concrete.

00:57:46.000 Half the first grade, I fucking twitched.

00:57:48.000 I twitched half the first grade.

00:57:51.000 I landed right on my fucking neck.

00:57:53.000 I never got on a monkey bar again.

00:57:55.000 Monkey bars break a lot of kids.

00:57:57.000 I don't fuck around with monkey bars at all, dog.

00:58:00.000 I broke my arm in a monkey bar.

00:58:02.000 My daughter broke her arm in a monkey bar.

00:58:04.000 Yeah.

00:58:05.000 Another kid in my daughter's class broke her arm in a monkey bar.

00:58:08.000 How do you break your arm in a monkey bar?

00:58:09.000 Fall down.

00:58:10.000 Try to catch yourself.

00:58:11.000 Post your arm.

00:58:12.000 Snap.

00:58:15.000 Yeah.

00:58:15.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:58:16.000 It's real common.

00:58:17.000 Monkey bars are fucking dangerous because you don't have the hand strength yet.

00:58:21.000 You're six years old, so you're grabbing a hold of bars and you're swinging.

00:58:24.000 You just don't really have the dexterity of the hand strength and it slips and you fall back and you post and snap.

00:58:31.000 You gotta see my daughter on that monkey bar.

00:58:33.000 She does it until her hands bleed, dog.

00:58:37.000 She gets little blisters.

00:58:38.000 Her mother's gotta put Band-Aid on her.

00:58:40.000 Your daughter's fierce.

00:58:41.000 She's a fierce little girl.

00:58:43.000 Yeah, I like that about her.

00:58:45.000 She's fierce.

00:58:46.000 I take it to her.

00:58:47.000 I put a lot of time into that shit.

00:58:50.000 It's really weird because of the Kavanaugh situation.

00:58:54.000 And the Harvey Weinstein situation, you're a dad, I'm a dad.

00:58:58.000 It's different than how you gotta raise your daughter now.

00:59:00.000 This has affected me in a way.

00:59:02.000 The Kavanaugh thing was pissing me off for a few weeks.

00:59:05.000 Because I don't like the idea that they could come back to you for something you did in high school.

00:59:11.000 That's just not right in my world.

00:59:13.000 Unless I fucked you in the ass in high school and covered your mouth.

00:59:17.000 I didn't do nothing.

00:59:18.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:59:19.000 I think that was the thing he did do, though.

00:59:21.000 He did cover her mouth.

00:59:21.000 He covered her mouth or whatever, but...

00:59:23.000 Who knows what really happened?

00:59:24.000 Nobody knows, and nobody knows.

00:59:26.000 It was 36 years ago.

00:59:28.000 I know for a fact I've known you for 20, and I've seen you sweeten up over the years.

00:59:33.000 We all change.

00:59:35.000 You're not the same Joe Rogan I met 20 years ago.

00:59:38.000 I'm definitely not the same guy I was in high school, that's for sure.

00:59:40.000 No, no, come on, dog, please.

00:59:42.000 But he was a guy that was hanging around with a bunch of drunk jocks.

00:59:45.000 And we all remember drunk jocks.

00:59:47.000 Yeah, you know.

00:59:48.000 And that environment, that sort of environment of being around a bunch of drunk guys who were constantly one-upping each other, That's a sketchy fucking environment.

01:00:00.000 And that's frat houses.

01:00:01.000 Well, the Yale thing scared me.

01:00:03.000 That's when I thought, you know, those guys are rich coin kids, though.

01:00:06.000 You know what happens when they get a little bit of money.

01:00:08.000 Everything's been covered up all their lives.

01:00:10.000 Everything's been covered up all their lives, you know.

01:00:12.000 When I was a kid, I knew this girl.

01:00:14.000 They used to call her Mindy Head...

01:00:16.000 And on Friday nights they get in the car and they drive it to like fucking Connecticut and tell her she had to suck all their dicks to get home.

01:00:23.000 God knows where that poor girl is today.

01:00:25.000 Last time I saw it was 1993 getting coke in a building in Harlem.

01:00:29.000 And she's like, you gotta save me.

01:00:31.000 I'm with some guy in the car.

01:00:32.000 He doesn't want to leave me alone.

01:00:33.000 I'm like, listen, bitch, I'm walking to my car.

01:00:36.000 I never saw you before in my life.

01:00:39.000 I swear to God, I bumped into her in a cop house on 181st Street, 10 years after high school.

01:00:48.000 I'm in the fucking fourth floor with some Dominicans.

01:00:50.000 I'm walking down the stairs and there's Mindy Ed.

01:00:53.000 And she's like, what are you doing here?

01:00:54.000 The same thing you're fucking doing here, obviously.

01:00:58.000 What's fucked up is for some people, their experiences in high school define them.

01:01:03.000 I just watched that Stephen King movie, It.

01:01:06.000 The most recent one?

01:01:08.000 With the clown?

01:01:09.000 Yeah.

01:01:10.000 Pretty fucking good.

01:01:11.000 But one of the things that I was thinking when I was watching it was like, how fucking mean kids are in school to each other.

01:01:19.000 You kind of forget about that.

01:01:21.000 And then you watch one of those movies about people being mean to people and you're like, oh yeah, I remember.

01:01:27.000 Going around to get away from a guy that was picking on me, that was fucking with me, and you would be scared of running into him at the bus stop and scared of seeing him after school.

01:01:37.000 That's how I got into martial arts in the first place.

01:01:40.000 I got tired of being scared.

01:01:42.000 Scared of people.

01:01:43.000 I was in martial arts and I was still fucking scared.

01:01:45.000 I was scared too afterwards.

01:01:47.000 Let me tell you something.

01:01:47.000 The funniest thing about the movie it was that they fuck with clowns.

01:01:51.000 So, two months later, a bunch of clowns got together and went on strike.

01:01:54.000 They went downtown and they had a parade.

01:01:57.000 When?

01:01:58.000 Not a parade.

01:01:59.000 What do you call it when people get together and they fucking have signs?

01:02:03.000 This is recently?

01:02:04.000 This is right after that movie was released.

01:02:06.000 In 2017. Whenever that movie was released, a month later, two months later, a bunch of clowns in the California area got together downtown and picketed...

01:02:15.000 Stephen King because they were losing work as clowns.

01:02:18.000 Oh, Christ.

01:02:19.000 Because they had lost.

01:02:20.000 A bunch of clowns got canceled.

01:02:22.000 They lost all their clown season work or some shit.

01:02:25.000 I read the book a long time ago.

01:02:27.000 Which one?

01:02:28.000 It.

01:02:29.000 I remember, I was like, man, how are they going to make a movie out of this?

01:02:32.000 And they made a movie out of it way back in the day with John Boy from the Waltons.

01:02:37.000 Remember the dude with the mole on his face?

01:02:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:38.000 He had a ponytail in it.

01:02:40.000 I watched it the other night on TV. Just flipping through the channels, it was on.

01:02:44.000 And it was after, a couple days after I'd seen the most recent version of it.

01:02:48.000 It was hilariously bad.

01:02:50.000 It was so stupid.

01:02:52.000 But it was John Boyd with the Waltons.

01:02:55.000 It might have been...

01:02:56.000 How many versions of that It movie did they make?

01:03:01.000 Was it just two?

01:03:04.000 The first one was the first one with Tim, the guy from the Rocky Horror Picture Show?

01:03:09.000 That was who the clown was.

01:03:12.000 Pennywise?

01:03:12.000 Yeah.

01:03:13.000 It was so stupid.

01:03:14.000 It was like...

01:03:16.000 It wasn't scary at all.

01:03:18.000 I mean, not even remotely, but the new one was pretty fucking scary.

01:03:21.000 Well, Stephen King, dog, is a fucking crazy motherfucker.

01:03:25.000 We both read on writing.

01:03:26.000 Yeah, it's a great book.

01:03:28.000 Did you see him on Sons of Anarchy ever?

01:03:30.000 No.

01:03:31.000 They contacted him, like, we want you to be on Sons of Anarchy.

01:03:34.000 He's like, listen, the only way I'll be on Sons of Anarchy is if I could ride my motorcycle.

01:03:40.000 They had to go back and forth.

01:03:42.000 Like, we don't need you.

01:03:43.000 What did I just tell you?

01:03:45.000 If I go on Sons of Anarchy, I gotta ride my motorcycle.

01:03:48.000 So he played a creepy guy that makes you disappear after they kill you.

01:03:52.000 Really?

01:03:53.000 Like, he comes in and measures you.

01:03:55.000 Like, you're on the floor dead, and he'd walk in, measure you, and tell you what he needs.

01:04:00.000 I need a rope, I need some gasoline, I need a car.

01:04:03.000 I also need a selection of 70s classic rock.

01:04:08.000 And then you disappear.

01:04:09.000 When you come back, there's nothing there.

01:04:12.000 And they walk him out.

01:04:13.000 He tells you what you want.

01:04:14.000 How much?

01:04:14.000 $800.

01:04:15.000 You pay him the $800.

01:04:16.000 If you only have six, he'll look around the room.

01:04:19.000 He'll just take like a statue.

01:04:21.000 And he'll just walk out of your house.

01:04:23.000 Ty's a statue on the motorcycle.

01:04:25.000 Look at him.

01:04:26.000 He was classic on Sons of Anarchy.

01:04:30.000 You know, the crazy thing about him was his battle coming back from getting hit by that guy in a car.

01:04:37.000 He was walking.

01:04:39.000 I think it was in Maine, right?

01:04:41.000 He was walking and some guy wasn't paying attention and fucking hit him in his car and just destroyed his body.

01:04:47.000 Like, just destroyed his body.

01:04:50.000 I mean, he was fucked up for a long, long time.

01:04:52.000 On a motorcycle?

01:04:54.000 Yeah.

01:04:55.000 Shattered his...

01:04:56.000 No, no, he was walking.

01:04:58.000 He was just walking.

01:04:59.000 And we got hit by a guy in a van.

01:05:01.000 When I read that, I think you turned me on to it.

01:05:04.000 When I read that chapter on Carrie, how he had written half of Carrie and threw it away.

01:05:11.000 And his wife found it and made him finish it.

01:05:14.000 And it was about...

01:05:15.000 A girl with a period or something crazy.

01:05:18.000 Like, I was in shock.

01:05:19.000 Great book.

01:05:20.000 Carrie is a great book.

01:05:22.000 Carrie and Cujo are my favorite Stephen King books.

01:05:25.000 Cujo, to this day, I have it.

01:05:27.000 I look at it and I respect it.

01:05:29.000 It's like cocaine.

01:05:30.000 I don't even open that book.

01:05:32.000 I just look at it and touch it from time to time and I go, ooh, I don't know if I want to get into that thing.

01:05:38.000 You know, it's a great book that they did, like, the movie version of it, it's just like, eh, was Pet Sematary.

01:05:45.000 Pet Sematary is a book.

01:05:46.000 There's some things about books.

01:05:48.000 You know, I hate the cliche that books are better.

01:05:50.000 Oh, the book's better.

01:05:52.000 But what is interesting about books is there are certain things that you shouldn't really see.

01:05:59.000 You should only imagine.

01:06:01.000 Like, they work out better in your imagination.

01:06:05.000 Like, there's something much creepier about them in your imagination.

01:06:10.000 And Pet Sematary...

01:06:11.000 You were right about something creepy you've done.

01:06:14.000 Whenever I have a hard time sleeping or something like that, something's going on with me.

01:06:18.000 So instead of sitting in bed and having what's called insomnia, I get up and I write it up.

01:06:23.000 When you read that back, it's like when I write about something I did as a kid, whether it's robbing Freddy at Putnam Fuel.

01:06:30.000 When I was a kid, I used to rob this gas station every eight weeks.

01:06:33.000 And when I was in West Palm Beach, a kid showed up.

01:06:37.000 A kid showed up from high school.

01:06:40.000 When I was in West Palm Beach, and he goes, I will have something.

01:06:42.000 And he goes, this is a map you drew of us.

01:06:47.000 We're about to rob a gas station in 1981. He still had the map of me with stick men.

01:06:53.000 We would rob this gas station every six to eight weeks.

01:06:57.000 Stick men coming from the left, all coming from the north.

01:07:00.000 I don't even know what the fuck the point I'm trying to make was.

01:07:02.000 I forgot it somewhere along the line.

01:07:04.000 Write about things that you did that were...

01:07:06.000 Even when I write about that and you read them, it's different.

01:07:08.000 I fuck you.

01:07:10.000 Reading is fucking phenomenal.

01:07:13.000 To build imagination, that's why when you read Silence of the Lambs and you watch the movie, you got to get everybody in that room and give them a big hug.

01:07:21.000 Because they kept it honest.

01:07:23.000 They kept it real.

01:07:24.000 When you read William Blakely's The Exorcist, and then The Exorcist has been on for the last two weeks on AMC, and I've been watching bits and pieces of it, and I can't applaud it more.

01:07:35.000 You know who's fucking great in that movie?

01:07:37.000 The Priest.

01:07:37.000 That's Jackie Gleason's son-in-law.

01:07:39.000 Is it really?

01:07:40.000 Yes.

01:07:40.000 Who's Jason whatever's father.

01:07:45.000 Who's that?

01:07:45.000 He was in Sleepers with Brad Pitt, De Niro.

01:07:52.000 He played the newspaper reporter.

01:07:54.000 That's his fucking father.

01:07:56.000 But Damien Karras plays the priest.

01:07:58.000 That's Jackie Gleason's son-in-law.

01:08:00.000 He married Jackie Gleason's daughter.

01:08:02.000 And it's funny because last week...

01:08:05.000 I was in my office typing and my wife called.

01:08:07.000 She goes, I'm going to be home in 20 minutes with the baby.

01:08:11.000 So I don't know what you're doing.

01:08:13.000 I go, all right.

01:08:13.000 So I went out to the living room and I turned the TV on just to be out there because I know she's going to want to watch cartoons or whatever.

01:08:20.000 And I saw the exorcisms and I turned it on.

01:08:22.000 And dog, it came on when the priest comes to the door, which if I ever bump into that director, I will take his dick out and suck it.

01:08:32.000 Because that's what real directing is.

01:08:34.000 He scared you without showing you anything.

01:08:37.000 Remember, when the priest comes to the door, all you see is an image from the priest, and you don't see what his face looked like, and it scares you.

01:08:45.000 But when he walks in, he takes this motherfucker...

01:08:48.000 And the guy says to him, can I get you something?

01:08:50.000 How was your trip?

01:08:52.000 Can I get you something?

01:08:53.000 And he goes, do you want some coffee?

01:08:54.000 And he goes, no.

01:08:56.000 Let's do this.

01:08:57.000 And this guy's a psychiatrist.

01:08:59.000 You have to watch it again.

01:09:01.000 This guy's a psychiatrist.

01:09:02.000 Not only is he a priest, and he starts dropping psycho, and the priest looks at him and goes, knock it off.

01:09:08.000 The devil is cunning.

01:09:10.000 He'll attack your psychological like nobody else.

01:09:12.000 Do not listen to him.

01:09:14.000 And he just breaks it down.

01:09:16.000 And then the guy says to him, do you want to know the three levels of manifestation?

01:09:21.000 And he looks at him and he goes, no.

01:09:24.000 There's only one.

01:09:25.000 Satan is a saint.

01:09:28.000 Dog, it's just right there.

01:09:30.000 You're like, so my daughter walks in.

01:09:33.000 While it's on?

01:09:34.000 The five-year-old walks in, and she sits on my lap, and she's a Bible beater.

01:09:38.000 I don't know if you know this, that Mercy's a Bible beater.

01:09:41.000 She loves anything with God, and, you know, I got a little fucking thing she gave me with Jesus, a fish.

01:09:47.000 Yeah, Mercy, my daughter, is a Bible beater.

01:09:49.000 Even though she goes to fucking public school, she'll come home and tell me, they didn't talk about God today.

01:09:54.000 So she's watching this whole manifestation of these two priests talking about God is powerful, God's gonna kill Satan, da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and all of a sudden they walk into the room and she's sitting up and she's like...

01:10:11.000 My daughter caught, it took her like 30 seconds to just look at me and she just ran out of the room.

01:10:18.000 Like she doesn't know who Satan is, nothing.

01:10:21.000 She just ran out of the room.

01:10:23.000 This is one of the scariest movies, one of the finest movies.

01:10:28.000 She elevates herself.

01:10:32.000 So they do the first thing, they walk out.

01:10:34.000 And what about when they walk back in and he's a doctor, so he's checking her heart.

01:10:39.000 And she turns into the mother in the hospital and starts saying, DM me, why you do this to me?

01:10:45.000 And the priest told him, don't listen to him, that the devil's cunning.

01:10:50.000 You know, and all of a sudden, what about when he comes in and he goes, Father, how about sparing five cents for an old altar boy?

01:10:55.000 Because the devil starts...

01:10:56.000 I mean, bro, you have to watch it.

01:10:58.000 And while all this is going on, you have to remember that there's a murder going on.

01:11:04.000 Because the first night when she came down, before the devil came in, some guy was talking shit, a Nazi was talking shit, a Jewish guy was talking shit about a Nazi or something.

01:11:13.000 And she comes down and pees and says, you're going to die, motherfucker.

01:11:19.000 Well, she said you're going to die up there to an astronaut, wasn't it?

01:11:22.000 Wasn't he an astronaut?

01:11:23.000 He was something downstairs.

01:11:24.000 Didn't she say something like that?

01:11:25.000 You're going to die up there?

01:11:27.000 No, no, he was downstairs.

01:11:29.000 They were in the living room and they were singing like a...

01:11:31.000 Yeah, but she was talking to a guy who was an astronaut.

01:11:33.000 I'm not sure.

01:11:33.000 I thought she just said, you're going to die.

01:11:35.000 And then she peed the carpet.

01:11:37.000 Yeah.

01:11:38.000 And then...

01:11:38.000 It was a dinner party.

01:11:39.000 And then a couple nights later, they found the guy on the bottom of the stairs, but it couldn't have been a girl because they twisted his neck all the way around.

01:11:46.000 Right, right, yeah.

01:11:47.000 So it had to be a man.

01:11:48.000 And that's why you have to watch that movie when the cop comes to talk to her mother, who's a famous actress.

01:11:54.000 I watched that movie a long...

01:11:55.000 Like, the last time I watched it was like five or six years ago.

01:11:58.000 It's first one, it's a deep, dark...

01:12:00.000 Great movie.

01:12:02.000 That girl got fucked up doing that movie, you know.

01:12:05.000 Bro, listen, how can they make a 12-year-old girl stick across in her pussy?

01:12:10.000 Yeah.

01:12:10.000 I mean, let's talk about the truth now.

01:12:12.000 She stuck across in her pussy, took it out...

01:12:15.000 Grabbed her mother by the ears, put her, and said, suck it!

01:12:19.000 Eat me!

01:12:20.000 Lick me!

01:12:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:12:21.000 Alright, and then picked her up and smacks her and throws her across the fucking room.

01:12:25.000 She says, your mother sucks cocks in hell.

01:12:27.000 That's what she told the one priest.

01:12:29.000 I saw that in the movie theater.

01:12:31.000 Shame on them.

01:12:33.000 If I could sue the Union City Cinema today, I would sue them.

01:12:37.000 Because they didn't check my ID. They didn't give a fuck.

01:12:40.000 They took my $2 and they threw me to the fucking walls.

01:12:44.000 But I also saw...

01:12:45.000 What is her name again?

01:12:46.000 Linda Blair.

01:12:48.000 She showed up 20 years later.

01:12:49.000 She started hanging out with Rick James.

01:12:52.000 Oh, man.

01:12:54.000 She showed up 20 years later.

01:12:56.000 I wonder what Linda Blair is doing for that.

01:12:58.000 But I hope they paid her a lot of money because she never really recovered from that.

01:13:02.000 She never really worked after that.

01:13:04.000 It's tough to get work after you put a cross in your pussy.

01:13:06.000 I mean, that's Ginger Lynn.

01:13:10.000 It's tough to get a commercial for fucking Destiny X. Yeah, well, it's also people never forget you were that person.

01:13:17.000 Like, it's very difficult for people to have a changed perception of you.

01:13:20.000 When she walks down the stairs.

01:13:22.000 Yeah.

01:13:23.000 Backwards.

01:13:23.000 What about when her head spins around in front of the priest?

01:13:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:13:27.000 I mean, it's just too out there for a movie.

01:13:29.000 They could never...

01:13:30.000 They think of remaking that every once in a while, and they look at each other.

01:13:34.000 Look at it.

01:13:37.000 Jesus Christ.

01:13:41.000 That was a creepy fucking movie.

01:13:42.000 And you gotta realize that back then, there was nothing like this before this movie.

01:13:48.000 This movie was so extreme.

01:13:51.000 Like, there had been horror movies before, but it was like Frankenstein or Dracula.

01:13:56.000 They were kind of scary.

01:13:57.000 But they weren't bloody.

01:13:59.000 There was nothing like this movie.

01:14:01.000 This movie was so over the top.

01:14:04.000 And a lot of people at the time were like, the movie represented something.

01:14:10.000 It represented a changing of boundaries.

01:14:12.000 These young kids, these people today, like, what the fuck are they doing?

01:14:16.000 What kind of movies are they making?

01:14:18.000 Catholics were pissed.

01:14:19.000 I remember being in Catholic school.

01:14:23.000 And they were just pissed.

01:14:24.000 They were telling us not to go see it.

01:14:26.000 We weren't allowed to go see it.

01:14:28.000 Bro, that's...

01:14:29.000 I was right there when the movie got released and I had to see it.

01:14:34.000 Of course!

01:14:34.000 As soon as they tell you you can't see it, you're gonna see it.

01:14:38.000 It blew my fucking...

01:14:39.000 That's where I saw Rocky.

01:14:41.000 Where everybody was on their feet, yelling for Rocky.

01:14:44.000 This is when America was different.

01:14:46.000 Everybody was yelling, Rocky!

01:14:48.000 And I also saw The Longest Yard there, the original.

01:14:51.000 And this was a movie theater that was basically Irish, Italian, and Cuban.

01:14:57.000 But they talked.

01:14:59.000 They yelled at the screen.

01:15:01.000 You know, they threw things at the screen.

01:15:04.000 And when the fucking Longest Yard, when Burt Reynolds was coming back, the whole place was on their feet.

01:15:10.000 This is a great movie theater.

01:15:12.000 And they let you in.

01:15:13.000 They played the last movie at...

01:15:16.000 1130. You know how many times I saw Enter the Dragon in there?

01:15:19.000 The late movie.

01:15:20.000 My mother would let me walk up there.

01:15:21.000 Because it was on 48th Street.

01:15:23.000 And my mother's bar was on 29th Street.

01:15:26.000 And she'd go, go, go ahead.

01:15:27.000 I saw everything there.

01:15:29.000 Fist of Fury.

01:15:30.000 The Outlaw of Josie Wales.

01:15:33.000 All those fucking movies I saw there.

01:15:36.000 And even they played.

01:15:37.000 I'd just go there as a Spanish kid and watch it and learn the language.

01:15:41.000 And...

01:15:41.000 Loved it.

01:15:42.000 They had limitations in what they could do with special effects, and so because of that, you had to accomplish much more, even with American Werewolf in London, right?

01:15:52.000 The original.

01:15:53.000 The original.

01:15:53.000 What year was that, mate?

01:15:56.000 I want to say 81, if I'm going to guess.

01:16:01.000 What year was it?

01:16:02.000 Was it 81?

01:16:05.000 The special effects, even though they were groundbreaking for the time, like when he's lying down on the floor and his body's stretching out, he's like, and he's turning into the wolf like that shit when his face is stretching out.

01:16:17.000 I mean, those are groundbreaking special effects.

01:16:20.000 Like, no one had ever seen anything like that.

01:16:22.000 This I enjoyed.

01:16:24.000 This I enjoyed.

01:16:25.000 It's watching a movie now and 30% of it, 40% of it is CGI. Yeah, well that's what I was gonna say.

01:16:31.000 It drives me fucking crazy.

01:16:33.000 I watched Underworld.

01:16:33.000 That shit drives me crazy.

01:16:34.000 The other day.

01:16:35.000 Which one?

01:16:35.000 Underworld.

01:16:36.000 With Kevin Costner.

01:16:37.000 No, no, no.

01:16:37.000 That was with the hot girl.

01:16:39.000 The vampire and the lichens versus the vampire.

01:16:43.000 What's the hot girl?

01:16:43.000 Kate Beckinsale?

01:16:44.000 Yeah.

01:16:44.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:16:45.000 She's tremendous.

01:16:46.000 She's tremendous.

01:16:47.000 She's tremendous.

01:16:47.000 She's so hot.

01:16:48.000 She's just tremendous.

01:16:49.000 Mm-hmm.

01:16:50.000 I fell in love with her with the movie when she got caught with heroin with Claire Danes at the jail in Thailand.

01:16:55.000 That's how long I've been in love with her.

01:16:57.000 I go deep with her and Claire Danes.

01:17:00.000 Kate Beckinsale, something, they both fell in love with the same guy and he put heroin on him and he put him in a prison.

01:17:07.000 So I was flipping through the channels while I was working out.

01:17:09.000 Broke down palace?

01:17:10.000 Ah, there it is.

01:17:12.000 When I was doing that, I'm doing this fucking fitness channel, this fitness challenge with Ari and Bert and Tom, and I'm just watching anything I can on TV while I'm on the elliptical machine or the rower or whatever the fuck I'm doing, and I was watching one of the underworld movies,

01:17:28.000 and I realized there's like 10 of them.

01:17:30.000 I mean, how many fucking underworld world movies has there been?

01:17:35.000 There's more than that.

01:17:36.000 How many has she been?

01:17:37.000 All of them.

01:17:38.000 She's the main star.

01:17:40.000 They're so stupid.

01:17:42.000 The fucking one that I saw, I mean, it was like deep in.

01:17:46.000 She has a daughter now, and there's five of them.

01:17:49.000 I don't know which one I saw, but...

01:17:52.000 I think I saw the first two.

01:17:54.000 Yeah, I think the one I was watching was...

01:17:56.000 And after that it got a little out of control for me.

01:17:57.000 That was it.

01:17:57.000 I think I was watching Blood Wars.

01:17:59.000 It was so dumb.

01:18:01.000 But anyway, the CGI, the werewolves, are so corny.

01:18:05.000 They show you too much.

01:18:07.000 It looks fake.

01:18:07.000 And the thing about an American werewolf in London is they showed you little quick snippets of the thing before it would kill people.

01:18:14.000 And it was just enough.

01:18:15.000 Like, look at that.

01:18:16.000 They look so stupid.

01:18:20.000 It just looks fake!

01:18:21.000 Like, CGI just does not look...

01:18:23.000 And that was something that Pat McGee, the guy who made that werewolf out there in the lobby...

01:18:29.000 It's what he had told me.

01:18:30.000 He's like, when you see, your brain can tell that's not real.

01:18:34.000 Even if it looks really good, your brain can tell it's not real.

01:18:38.000 He's like, if your brain sees special effects like makeup, like that kind of stuff, like a face that's been done with prosthetics and teeth and fangs, your brain says, oh, that's a real thing.

01:18:51.000 That's a thing that's right in front of you.

01:18:53.000 Yeah, look, these werewolves are so corny.

01:18:56.000 When they're running, it looks fake.

01:18:58.000 Their shadows look fake.

01:19:00.000 But pull up scene from American Werewolf in London.

01:19:03.000 Like the actual werewolf.

01:19:06.000 They had very quick scenes.

01:19:09.000 You didn't see much of the werewolf.

01:19:11.000 It was like very fast.

01:19:13.000 Like you see it running through the streets of London.

01:19:15.000 You see it snapping at things.

01:19:17.000 Like in that one, that's in the beginning when they first got jacked by the wolf.

01:19:20.000 Yeah, like this.

01:19:26.000 Give me some volume.

01:19:27.000 Here, put the headphones on.

01:19:29.000 Back it up for a second.

01:19:30.000 Back it up.

01:19:33.000 So they're running.

01:19:37.000 You really scared me, you shithead.

01:19:39.000 If you couldn't help me up, who was?

01:19:44.000 Jesus!

01:19:46.000 Jesus!

01:19:47.000 Jesus!

01:19:48.000 Jesus!

01:19:49.000 Oh, God!

01:20:16.000 He didn't see much.

01:20:20.000 Well, here's the problem.

01:20:21.000 Why are you smiling, Jimmy?

01:20:22.000 Here's the problem.

01:20:24.000 It's 1981, bro.

01:20:25.000 I know.

01:20:25.000 I remember seeing it when I was a kid.

01:20:26.000 Here's the problem, Joe Rogan.

01:20:27.000 You said it best a couple minutes ago.

01:20:30.000 The thing that pisses me off the most is, in today's, the whole movie business, I grew up on the movies.

01:20:36.000 I'm a fucking immigrant kid.

01:20:38.000 I love movies.

01:20:39.000 Remember when they have Tony Montana in the fucking detention thing, and he goes, how'd you learn how to speak Spanish and English?

01:20:44.000 Yeah.

01:20:45.000 He goes, I watched a movie circle, and he's like, bro, Cubans, anybody.

01:20:49.000 Felipe Esparza told me that.

01:20:50.000 He learned from watching TV. Everybody, everybody.

01:20:52.000 So you watch TV. The problem that happens somewhere...

01:20:56.000 Between 85, maybe 87 and today, is the disconnect of the director.

01:21:04.000 And you're asking me, Joey, what's the disconnect of the director?

01:21:07.000 The imagination.

01:21:10.000 I just watched something on Scarface.

01:21:13.000 I almost called you because it was so interesting about the dilemmas they had with Scarface when they gave it an X rating.

01:21:23.000 Scarface came out.

01:21:24.000 Pacino said that at the release, at the party of Scarface.

01:21:28.000 He just sank.

01:21:30.000 People were getting up and leaving 20 at a bunch.

01:21:33.000 They took Joan Collins aside, and they said to Joan Collins, what did you think of the movie?

01:21:38.000 And she goes, I left after...

01:21:40.000 No, she goes, I think 100 fucks is enough fucks for a person's lifetime.

01:21:47.000 Like they were so, but they showed...

01:21:50.000 That's enough for a person's lifetime.

01:21:52.000 I left after a half.

01:21:53.000 They counted how many fucks he said and all this stuff, but that's not my point.

01:21:58.000 The point is that when they...

01:22:02.000 The guy that directed it had to go in front of a board.

01:22:06.000 It's a big difference about me showing...

01:22:12.000 Chainsaw.

01:22:13.000 Going through your arm.

01:22:14.000 Then you seeing it, and then seeing your face, and you follow me?

01:22:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:22:21.000 Right.

01:22:22.000 That's why they had to go to that.

01:22:23.000 That was better.

01:22:25.000 Yes.

01:22:26.000 They had the X rating.

01:22:28.000 That's a beautiful story.

01:22:29.000 It's supposed to be...

01:22:31.000 Me, you, and him.

01:22:32.000 And he's supposed to make the decision.

01:22:34.000 The director brought violent specialists, psychiatrists.

01:22:38.000 He brought in 100 witnesses.

01:22:40.000 They were there all fucking day to prove his point, to take it from an X-rated movie to an R-rated movie.

01:22:46.000 When you watch Once Upon a Time in the West, Sergio Leone was the king of the directors because he gave you the decision to decide.

01:22:57.000 Are you with me?

01:22:58.000 He gave it to you when Charles Bronson gets off the train, the beginning of Once Upon a Time in America.

01:23:05.000 And there's three dudes waiting and the train goes by and all of a sudden it stops.

01:23:09.000 And all of a sudden you hear a harmonica.

01:23:12.000 And you hear Charles Bronson going...

01:23:14.000 And they look up and they see Charles Bronson.

01:23:18.000 But they're not...

01:23:19.000 It's not focusing on Charles Bronson.

01:23:24.000 Sergio Leone's fucking with you.

01:23:26.000 He keeps showing you this fucking thing that keeps going...

01:23:30.000 Like, take me back, Sergio Leone.

01:23:33.000 Let me watch this gunfight.

01:23:35.000 He gave you imagination.

01:23:37.000 Directors gave you imagination.

01:23:39.000 They gave you a split second to decide what was going to happen.

01:23:45.000 Now, I know the story before it happens.

01:23:49.000 The director was something special.

01:23:51.000 That's why Sergio Leone, those guys, those spaghetti westerns, were genius.

01:23:57.000 Because they gave you...

01:23:58.000 Are you with me?

01:23:59.000 You gave me a second to split the side.

01:24:02.000 Yeah, you had to think about it.

01:24:03.000 What's going on?

01:24:05.000 That scene, I could have put it in his arm or showed Pacino's face.

01:24:10.000 Well, you remember High Plains Drifter?

01:24:12.000 Tremendous.

01:24:12.000 Is that the one where he's a ghost and he comes back and paints it?

01:24:15.000 No, no, no.

01:24:17.000 Is that High Plains Drifter?

01:24:19.000 Am I getting the wrong name one?

01:24:20.000 I'm thinking about the one where he comes back as a ghost.

01:24:23.000 Right, that's the one.

01:24:24.000 Yeah.

01:24:25.000 High Plains, hang him high.

01:24:27.000 I don't know if it was hang him high.

01:24:31.000 What's the one where he has the shield underneath and he knows they only shoot for the heart?

01:24:36.000 And they keep shooting at him and he falls down.

01:24:38.000 And they shoot at him and he falls down.

01:24:39.000 They shoot at him and he falls down.

01:24:41.000 I don't remember.

01:24:42.000 Jamie, Google Clint Eastwood comes back as a ghost.

01:24:44.000 Yeah, go ahead.

01:24:45.000 High Plains Drifter.

01:24:46.000 It is High Plains Drifter.

01:24:47.000 It just isn't in the description for some reason.

01:24:50.000 Yeah.

01:24:51.000 Part ghost story, part revenge.

01:24:53.000 The thing about that movie is like you don't realize, it's like they don't spell it out for the dummies that he's a ghost.

01:25:01.000 Is it like Sixth Sense then?

01:25:03.000 No.

01:25:04.000 Like, you have to figure it out at the end of the movie, if I remember correctly.

01:25:08.000 It's been a long time since I saw it.

01:25:09.000 But at the end of the film, they sort of lay it out in the beginning.

01:25:13.000 The beginning they show...

01:25:14.000 God, I might be wrong here.

01:25:17.000 I feel like the beginning of the movie is them beating him and killing him.

01:25:21.000 They whip him.

01:25:22.000 At the end of the movie, you kind of realize it's him coming back towards the end of the movie.

01:25:28.000 But it's not like specifically spelled out like there was a curse and he came back to hunt this town and kill everyone.

01:25:35.000 It wasn't that cornball.

01:25:38.000 So if you go back to like the older movies, you go back to like...

01:25:43.000 You know, like a Frankenstein or a Dracula type film.

01:25:46.000 They spelled things out.

01:25:48.000 They treated you like you were a dumbass.

01:25:51.000 And they spelled things out.

01:25:52.000 And they eventually stopped doing that.

01:25:54.000 And they put mystery and imagination in films.

01:25:57.000 And then somewhere along the line, at least with modern blockbusters...

01:26:03.000 If I had to guess, I would say part of the problem is there's so much money involved in these movies.

01:26:10.000 If you're going to make a film and it's some gigantic thing with special effects and the studio is dumping hundreds of millions of dollars into it, they want a return on their money.

01:26:23.000 I saw people discussing that.

01:26:25.000 I think Johnny Depp was just, I don't know, kicked off isn't the right word, but he's not going to be in the next Pirates movie, I guess.

01:26:30.000 And they were discussing in the comments section, the last one was the worst one of the lot.

01:26:37.000 And they spent $330 million on the budget, but it made $800 million.

01:26:41.000 And they're like, that's a failure.

01:26:43.000 Some people are saying that's a failure.

01:26:45.000 Yeah, for them it's a failure.

01:26:46.000 $500 million is not good.

01:26:48.000 Well, Johnny's off the rails right now.

01:26:50.000 He shaved his head, Johnny Depp.

01:26:52.000 He looks like he weighs 35 pounds.

01:26:54.000 He shaved his head.

01:26:55.000 He's fallen out of his jeans.

01:26:58.000 Whenever you get like two tattoos of a woman you've only been married to for like six months, These are all bad signs.

01:27:05.000 Joe Rogan, this is a very rough town to live.

01:27:09.000 Ego is a motherfucker.

01:27:11.000 People blowing smoke up your ass is a motherfucker.

01:27:13.000 Sure.

01:27:14.000 I mean, this guy's spending half a million dollars a month on wines.

01:27:18.000 Yeah.

01:27:19.000 You know, I don't know exactly.

01:27:20.000 Don't quote me on that, but I know that when the account...

01:27:23.000 I read bits and parts.

01:27:25.000 The accountant said that he was spending $30,000, and he goes, it was a lot more than that.

01:27:30.000 He was joking around about it.

01:27:31.000 It was a lot more than that.

01:27:32.000 Like, look at these pictures of him now.

01:27:36.000 Stay humble or be humbled.

01:27:37.000 He's wearing a shirt.

01:27:38.000 Dude, you're 55 years old.

01:27:40.000 Why the fuck would you wear that shirt?

01:27:42.000 Well, who's walking around?

01:27:43.000 Meanwhile, I got a Derrick Lewis.

01:27:45.000 My balls was hot shirt on.

01:27:49.000 But, look, these, like, fucking inspirational quotes you expect to see on some stripper's Instagram page, you're not supposed to be wearing those when you're Johnny Depp, okay?

01:27:58.000 This is outrageous, Johnny Depp.

01:28:00.000 Why are you wearing that on a shirt?

01:28:02.000 And I heard that this last movie he did, Mucho Probabilis.

01:28:06.000 Mucho what?

01:28:07.000 Programless.

01:28:08.000 A lot of problems.

01:28:09.000 A lot of problems?

01:28:10.000 What was the movie?

01:28:10.000 The Tupac movie?

01:28:11.000 Yes, but it's on shelf, right?

01:28:14.000 They're not putting it out.

01:28:14.000 Is he the cop?

01:28:16.000 Yeah, they're not putting it out.

01:28:17.000 No!

01:28:18.000 For right now, it's not coming out.

01:28:19.000 Is he a cop?

01:28:20.000 Yeah, he plays the cop that broke...

01:28:23.000 I forget the name.

01:28:24.000 That's a good book.

01:28:25.000 Yeah?

01:28:25.000 Whatever.

01:28:26.000 I have it at the house.

01:28:28.000 He plays the cop, and I heard that there was a lot of little...

01:28:31.000 And the word got out.

01:28:32.000 That's it.

01:28:33.000 Well...

01:28:34.000 You know, Johnny Depp at one point in time, when he had done that movie Dead Man, do you remember Dead Man?

01:28:40.000 No.

01:28:40.000 Interesting movie.

01:28:41.000 It was a weird black and white movie about a guy who was riding a fucking train across the west.

01:28:48.000 He was talking in an interview about how he wants to do interesting projects.

01:28:52.000 He goes, I'll never be Blockbuster Boy.

01:28:55.000 Then he became Blockbuster Boy.

01:28:56.000 But he's badass in Pirates of the Caribbean.

01:28:59.000 I don't give a fuck what anybody says.

01:29:01.000 I love him.

01:29:02.000 Phenomenal.

01:29:03.000 Phenomenal.

01:29:03.000 He's really good.

01:29:03.000 The chick is good.

01:29:04.000 I love him.

01:29:05.000 He's a great actor.

01:29:06.000 They cut him loose.

01:29:07.000 He made a ton of money for them.

01:29:09.000 They did five fucking movies.

01:29:11.000 But you know, he's boys with Stanhope.

01:29:14.000 Right, right.

01:29:14.000 And essentially, Johnny De...

01:29:17.000 Oh, these fucking motherfuckers with their...

01:29:19.000 Everybody thinks you're gonna spend money on their website.

01:29:22.000 Guess what?

01:29:23.000 We're not.

01:29:24.000 We're not paying to read your fucking website.

01:29:28.000 We're not.

01:29:29.000 Johnny Depp, what does it say?

01:29:31.000 And Biggie Tupac movie abruptly pulled from release.

01:29:33.000 Forrest Whitaker in it, too, it looks like.

01:29:35.000 Mmm.

01:29:36.000 Yeah.

01:29:36.000 Like a month before it was supposed to come out, they just pulled it.

01:29:38.000 Well, it must suck.

01:29:41.000 They don't pull it if it's awesome.

01:29:43.000 But the point is...

01:29:45.000 You know, Stanhope's boys with him.

01:29:47.000 And he's like, he said that once he did those Pirates movies, he couldn't go anywhere.

01:29:52.000 It was over.

01:29:53.000 He can't go to restaurants.

01:29:54.000 He can't go anywhere.

01:29:55.000 He just can't go anywhere.

01:29:57.000 He hit that upper echelon of fame where it's almost there's no turning back.

01:30:02.000 You know, you get like Michael Jackson type frame.

01:30:05.000 You just get crazy.

01:30:06.000 Your world is just, no one can relate to you.

01:30:10.000 What were they giving him per movie?

01:30:12.000 He was making like 30 million a movie with back end and everything.

01:30:15.000 I bet he was making more than that.

01:30:17.000 More than that, right?

01:30:18.000 Yeah, he's got like 18 houses, a boat that costs 30,000.

01:30:22.000 Yeah, he's got 14 houses.

01:30:24.000 I remember when I was in Colorado, someone said he had a ranch out there.

01:30:28.000 I go, does he ever go there?

01:30:29.000 He goes, no.

01:30:30.000 No.

01:30:30.000 He just has a ranch.

01:30:32.000 What about when I house sat for the guy that owned TGIF Fridays?

01:30:35.000 He was on the board of directors.

01:30:37.000 Did you?

01:30:38.000 Yeah, when I lived on 435 Faraway Road in Snowmass Village, Colorado.

01:30:44.000 I house sat.

01:30:46.000 And the guy, the two years I was there, he came a week and a half.

01:30:50.000 He came for three days, and his daughters came for three days.

01:30:54.000 They spent $2,000 on booze.

01:30:56.000 They all got drunk, and they left two days later.

01:31:00.000 And I was talking to the daughter, and she's like, yeah, this is, my dad's got houses.

01:31:05.000 All over the place.

01:31:06.000 He had three in Colorado alone, like Crested Butte, Snowmass Village, and he had a house on the other side to ski over there because he liked two different types of powder.

01:31:20.000 Yeah.

01:31:20.000 Jesus Christ.

01:31:21.000 Yeah.

01:31:21.000 No, no, no.

01:31:22.000 What's that world when people get that famous, when they get that rich, when they get that to the point where they live in some sort of weird la-la land?

01:31:32.000 He had a brand new Jeep delivered.

01:31:35.000 Every year.

01:31:37.000 And part of my agreement was I had to drive at like 50 miles a month to keep, make sure, because when he came to town, he didn't want no problems with none of his houses.

01:31:47.000 Right.

01:31:48.000 So we had a different fucking house sitter at every...

01:31:51.000 Did he do a background check on you?

01:31:54.000 No, listen to me.

01:31:55.000 I fucking grandfathered into the house because my buddy from Jersey had it.

01:32:00.000 And his girlfriend came out to visit and he knocked her up.

01:32:03.000 But the guy was difficult to get a hold of because he was in England and whatnot.

01:32:07.000 So my friend just said to me, just move in, don't say dick.

01:32:10.000 And when he comes in, he'll see it's you and tell him I had to leave and shit.

01:32:14.000 Keep my deposit.

01:32:16.000 So I stayed there for like two months and he came and he's like, who the fuck are you?

01:32:21.000 And I told him what had happened and that we couldn't get a hold of him because he was in England.

01:32:26.000 And he asked me for a couple names.

01:32:28.000 I had already lived in Snowmass for about a year.

01:32:33.000 I left and then came back.

01:32:35.000 So I had a couple nice references for him.

01:32:38.000 He gave me the thing and then left.

01:32:40.000 And I was not allowed in his home.

01:32:43.000 So part of the deal was I had an apartment over the garage.

01:32:46.000 I could use this car.

01:32:47.000 And it was 18 hours a month of either shoveling snow or 18 hours a month of work.

01:32:56.000 So it was essentially shoveling snow in the winter and mowing the lawn in the summer.

01:33:02.000 He would give me little assignments like paint the wall or whatever.

01:33:05.000 I would do keep the trim up and shit.

01:33:08.000 But it was zero rent.

01:33:09.000 I think he paid me $800 a month.

01:33:12.000 And I got to get a day job and ski and shit like that.

01:33:16.000 Did I ever tell you it was a volunteer fireman?

01:33:18.000 You're a volunteer fireman?

01:33:20.000 Because, alright, so, cocaine was $1,800 an ounce at the time, and it's no mess.

01:33:24.000 My buddy said he'd get it to me for $800 in Jersey.

01:33:28.000 So I would go back and forth, and I was making all this dough on it.

01:33:31.000 The people found out, the guy that they blew up, they put a pipe bomb in this guy's car, and they blew him up.

01:33:36.000 His name was Steven Graybo.

01:33:38.000 He left a big gap in this fucking drug place.

01:33:42.000 Did they kill him?

01:33:43.000 Oh yeah, they killed this poor bastard.

01:33:44.000 In Colorado?

01:33:45.000 In Aspen, 36 days before he was to stand trial.

01:33:49.000 They could never get him for cocaine.

01:33:51.000 He was making $6 million every six weeks.

01:33:53.000 I spoke about this.

01:33:54.000 $6 million every six weeks.

01:33:57.000 In 1984. They arrested him the first time in 1983. They brought him to Denver.

01:34:03.000 They found $9 million altogether cash.

01:34:06.000 Then in 1984 was when...

01:34:11.000 Every night he'd work out.

01:34:12.000 He was a good-looking dude that kept in shape.

01:34:14.000 He had 20 different cars.

01:34:16.000 And every night he'd give the guy at the door $5 to start the car.

01:34:21.000 The guy took the night off.

01:34:23.000 He started his own car.

01:34:24.000 They put a pipe bomb in his car and blew him up.

01:34:27.000 He lived.

01:34:28.000 He made it all the way to the hospital.

01:34:30.000 But something went so deep up his ass that he had just bled to death.

01:34:37.000 So it left this gap.

01:34:39.000 So this guy approached him and then he was like, man, these people are mad at you.

01:34:43.000 They want to do business with you.

01:34:45.000 You're cutting them out.

01:34:47.000 So I had to talk to them and they said, listen, for you to buy, we never do a face-to-face.

01:34:53.000 So they have an Aspen Club and they have a place called to see if the Aspen Club is still, you know, in those days, these places were a thousand a month to walk in.

01:35:03.000 And I knew a girl that used to go to the Aspen Club and she used to tell me she used to take showers right next to Barbie Benton.

01:35:09.000 Remember Barbie Benton?

01:35:10.000 And then Barbie Benton had a beautiful bush.

01:35:13.000 She would tell me every night, Barbie Benton's got a beautiful fucking bush.

01:35:16.000 It's perfect.

01:35:17.000 So there's the Aspen Club and the Snowmass Club.

01:35:20.000 Snowmass Club has golfing, you know, condos around the thing.

01:35:23.000 It was like 900 a month to be a member.

01:35:25.000 I couldn't have been a member, so the only way I could become a member was by being a volunteer fireman.

01:35:30.000 And they'd give you admission.

01:35:31.000 So for 90 days, I had to train.

01:35:34.000 You know, go up two flights, this thing on a ladder, carry a rope.

01:35:39.000 But basically, it was putting out, when tourists come, they don't know how to fucking turn on a fireplace.

01:35:44.000 So they clean out the shards and they put them in.

01:35:48.000 And then these people would put them in a dumpster.

01:35:50.000 So 10 out of 10, all you're doing is dumpster fires.

01:35:53.000 That's all you're doing.

01:35:54.000 But you got access to the snow mask club.

01:35:57.000 So basically, it was walking to the snowman's club, give the girl the $10,000, put on your gym clothes, workout, and by the time you got back to your locker, the coke was in the locker.

01:36:08.000 It was all in.

01:36:09.000 They were all in.

01:36:11.000 Everybody was involved.

01:36:12.000 Everybody was involved.

01:36:13.000 So the girl that worked, she was getting a piece?

01:36:15.000 Whoever knew.

01:36:16.000 All you had to do was, hi, how you doing, Joey?

01:36:18.000 Yeah, okay.

01:36:19.000 Wow.

01:36:20.000 And then later on, I'd go in the locker.

01:36:22.000 The coke would be there.

01:36:23.000 I'd get like a half, eight ounces.

01:36:25.000 You know, I was no dealer, and I'd take it home.

01:36:28.000 But then I started getting coked up, and every time there was a fire, I went to like two fires.

01:36:34.000 And there were both dumpsters, and there's 16 idiots with a fire hose.

01:36:38.000 I'm like, is this necessary?

01:36:40.000 They even gave me like a little fire truck, like a little Toyota truck with like a bell on it to go to the fires.

01:36:48.000 After like the third fire, I stopped showing up.

01:36:52.000 For two months, they go, where are you?

01:36:54.000 Zero to base, where are you?

01:36:56.000 Listen, I'm starting to go get my dick sucked.

01:36:58.000 You want me to go put on a fire in a dumpster?

01:37:00.000 Go fuck yourself.

01:37:01.000 They came over and took the dumpster.

01:37:03.000 And then I went to work for this other dude.

01:37:06.000 Dick, there was three dicks.

01:37:07.000 The guy I worked for was Dick Self.

01:37:10.000 Dick Kelly and Dick Doon was the mayor.

01:37:12.000 So I had a buddy who used to go, you're surrounded by Dick.

01:37:15.000 Dick, Dick, Dick.

01:37:16.000 So Dick Kelly had one of those snow companies.

01:37:20.000 And they wanted me to go and I don't know what they called Joe Rogan, so straightened me out.

01:37:24.000 It's a high-low that shovels snow.

01:37:28.000 What's a high-low?

01:37:28.000 A high-low in the warehouse.

01:37:31.000 Oh, okay, like a little small truck that pushes snow around.

01:37:34.000 So he was another poor bastard that made a mistake and hired me that winter.

01:37:38.000 And I had to be that four in the morning.

01:37:40.000 Four in the morning, I'm on my second grandma blow.

01:37:42.000 He'd be in front of my house beeping.

01:37:45.000 I was telling him to go fuck himself.

01:37:47.000 I'm not working tonight.

01:37:49.000 He came and took his truck.

01:37:51.000 I was on a roll up there.

01:37:55.000 Guys who plowed snow, guys who had snow trucks, when it would snow out, man, you weren't getting any sleep.

01:38:03.000 There was a bunch of guys that I knew.

01:38:05.000 In Colorado also?

01:38:06.000 No, in Boston.

01:38:06.000 In Boston.

01:38:07.000 Yeah, that's a business.

01:38:08.000 It's a business in the wintertime.

01:38:10.000 You know, as soon as you hear snow, those people start fucking getting happy.

01:38:14.000 And people would look out their window with their coffee, making sure you're out there.

01:38:18.000 With the truck up the driveway, pushing snow around.

01:38:22.000 My buddy Jimmy, that was one of his side businesses.

01:38:26.000 He was an electrician, a side business.

01:38:28.000 He had a plow on his pickup truck.

01:38:31.000 He would just fucking plow people out, do people's driveways.

01:38:35.000 You know, I went home this year, March 20th.

01:38:39.000 I went home to Jersey.

01:38:40.000 I had to do a show one night in Nyack.

01:38:44.000 Me and Ari hooked up in the city.

01:38:45.000 We had an edible.

01:38:46.000 We walked around the city in the snow.

01:38:48.000 It just started to snow.

01:38:49.000 By the time I got up the next morning and it snowed like a foot, I'd never seen anything like that.

01:38:55.000 When I was a kid in Jersey, if it snowed, that shit was there.

01:38:59.000 Like, that shit stayed for four days.

01:39:02.000 There was no school.

01:39:03.000 Stacked up on the side of the road.

01:39:04.000 Stacked up on the sidewalk.

01:39:05.000 Dirty snow.

01:39:07.000 Bro, my town won't let a fucking ounce of snow land.

01:39:10.000 Not an inch.

01:39:11.000 Really?

01:39:12.000 They're fucking tremendous.

01:39:14.000 That night, the roads were clean.

01:39:16.000 I'll never forget how, when I left Jersey in 83...

01:39:22.000 Like if it snowed, like let's say if it snowed and I had to take the bus up here, I would just call you and say, Joe, it's snowing.

01:39:28.000 You'd expect me at 11. And, you know, everything was late.

01:39:33.000 Whenever it snowed in Jersey, here's this big metropolitan area, New York City, and it snowed in a cripple city.

01:39:39.000 They didn't know how to handle it.

01:39:41.000 Newspapers wouldn't come.

01:39:43.000 People would get pissed off, the New York Post.

01:39:46.000 I remember moving to Snowmass and getting a job at Aspen Electric.

01:39:51.000 And that meant I had to get on a bus in Snowmass, go to the bottom of the hill transfer, and shoot the bus to Snowmass.

01:39:57.000 I did this, and I remember the first time I woke up one day.

01:40:01.000 You know, in Colorado, you wake up on one of those 12 inches, it's just another day.

01:40:05.000 Just another day.

01:40:06.000 And I remember...

01:40:08.000 In 1983, they couldn't fucking clean up New York.

01:40:12.000 But I'll never forget that morning, waking up in Aspen like at 6.30 in Snowmass and going, they're not going to expect me until about 10. And I walked in there at 10 and people were like, where the fuck have you been?

01:40:24.000 And I'm like, it snowed out.

01:40:26.000 The buses are running late.

01:40:27.000 They go, everybody else here came on the bus and they all got here on time.

01:40:31.000 They fucking busted me right out.

01:40:33.000 Like Colorado was that far ahead of the game.

01:40:36.000 Well, they're just so used to it.

01:40:37.000 They were so...

01:40:38.000 But, like, here I was living in this big metropolitan city that four inches crippled.

01:40:45.000 In Colorado, did they throw down salt?

01:40:48.000 They throw down something, yes.

01:40:49.000 They throw down something because when you wash your car in Colorado, they push to do the underwater carriage, the prevention, because rust travels fast in Colorado.

01:41:00.000 In Boston, too, that salt they put on the road.

01:41:03.000 The salt puts on them.

01:41:04.000 You'd buy old cars, and in the fenders, you know, in the back of the fenders, like in the corner, that's where the salt would pile up, and you'd always have rust there.

01:41:13.000 You'd always have, like, these big pockets of rust in the corner.

01:41:16.000 Is that from rock salt?

01:41:17.000 Mm-hmm.

01:41:18.000 Yeah.

01:41:18.000 That's why California cars...

01:41:20.000 Everybody just wanted a rust-free California car.

01:41:23.000 If you were buying a muscle car, like an older hot rod, you'd find a rust-free California car.

01:41:30.000 Oh, California, not any salt.

01:41:31.000 The big thing with salt, destroy cars.

01:41:34.000 Destroy the frame.

01:41:35.000 Destroy everything.

01:41:37.000 That's salt.

01:41:37.000 Get up in there, just sit there, and just rot away the metal.

01:41:41.000 You've got to take the metal, buff it out, edge it out, and then you would have to spray Rust-Oleum on it.

01:41:47.000 Because I would see the guys in Colorado, how they would fix the cars, and they would take like a missing bumper, cut it strategically, weld it in, and then you buff that in, you colored, you buffed, you kept putting primer on it, and that's how they got the rust out of all those cars in Colorado.

01:42:03.000 I forgot about Jersey.

01:42:05.000 A lot of body work, man.

01:42:06.000 A lot of East Coast cars had a tremendous amount of body work.

01:42:10.000 If you wanted a constant job fixing cars, body work was always good.

01:42:14.000 Not just because of accidents, but also just because of rust work.

01:42:18.000 Is the rust a product of the humidity also on the East Coast?

01:42:23.000 Because Colorado wasn't that humid, and I didn't see a little bit of rust from that.

01:42:27.000 Yeah, Colorado, you're getting it from moisture.

01:42:29.000 You're getting it from salt, I'm sure, if they salt the roads.

01:42:32.000 But the East Coast, you're definitely getting more...

01:42:34.000 You know, there's a variety of factors that cause cars to rust out, older cars.

01:42:39.000 But if you can find an old, rust-free car, that is like...

01:42:44.000 We're good to go.

01:43:03.000 I remember cutting myself on one of those fiberglass Corvettes one time.

01:43:06.000 My leg or something, I ran past them.

01:43:09.000 This is the 70s, right?

01:43:11.000 They had them in the 70s?

01:43:12.000 Yeah, the 70s.

01:43:13.000 My 65's fiberglass.

01:43:14.000 My 65 Corvette?

01:43:16.000 That thing's fiberglass.

01:43:19.000 Why did they fiberglass them?

01:43:21.000 To make it lighter?

01:43:22.000 Lighter, right.

01:43:22.000 Because they can make cooler shapes?

01:43:24.000 If you look at a 1965 Corvette, that shape is fantastic.

01:43:29.000 Let me look at it.

01:43:29.000 Pull up mine.

01:43:31.000 I think I have an idea how it looks like.

01:43:33.000 It looks like a Sportster?

01:43:34.000 Yeah.

01:43:34.000 Yeah, that's the one, the 65. Well, the fenders have curves to them.

01:43:39.000 Everything has curves.

01:43:40.000 It's like such a curvy car.

01:43:42.000 And if you had to do that all by banging out metal, and there's mine.

01:43:46.000 Like, look at the fucking humps and the curves in that thing.

01:43:49.000 Just the fenders alone.

01:43:50.000 Like, there's so much.

01:43:51.000 That's when I had my gross old wheels.

01:43:55.000 I got rid of those stupid wheels.

01:43:59.000 But the shape of those things, man.

01:44:02.000 I mean, they could do that with metal, but there's so many complicated curves to it.

01:44:07.000 Just the curve of the door to the fender or the back fender.

01:44:12.000 You're a fan of the car.

01:44:14.000 How does this car compare as a drive?

01:44:18.000 That's not a real...

01:44:21.000 I mean, if you drove a regular 1965 Corvette, they're sloppy, the suspension's sloppy, the brakes are dogshit.

01:44:29.000 Oh, this one here?

01:44:30.000 That thing's not a regular, that thing's what's called a Restomod.

01:44:33.000 So what that is is a 1965 Corvette, but it has a 2007 Corvette engine in it that's supercharged, and then it has an entirely modern suspension.

01:44:47.000 Everything is modern.

01:44:48.000 Coilovers, modern brakes, big-ass Corvette brakes, big, fucking, fat, wide tires with sticky rubber on them.

01:44:56.000 That thing doesn't handle anything like an old car.

01:45:00.000 That thing handles like a new car.

01:45:02.000 As much as you can get a car like that to handle like a new car.

01:45:05.000 How much do you drive it?

01:45:06.000 I drive that fucker all the time.

01:45:07.000 I take it to the store all the time.

01:45:10.000 You ever see me take that thing to the store?

01:45:12.000 You should go for a ride with me.

01:45:13.000 It's so fun.

01:45:14.000 I don't think I'd fit in one of those fucking things.

01:45:16.000 They were made for more people.

01:45:18.000 You'd fit.

01:45:19.000 In the 65, they were for fucking things, you know.

01:45:21.000 No, no, no.

01:45:22.000 You'd fit in that thing.

01:45:23.000 Remember when Tony Soprano tried to get in Johnny Sex?

01:45:25.000 What's the Italian car line?

01:45:27.000 Lamborghini?

01:45:28.000 Oh, did he have Ferrari or Lamborghini?

01:45:30.000 Ferrari or something.

01:45:30.000 Maserati?

01:45:31.000 Maserati.

01:45:31.000 I don't remember.

01:45:32.000 Yeah.

01:45:33.000 And he couldn't fit in it.

01:45:34.000 He couldn't fit in it and shit.

01:45:35.000 They don't make those for skinny Italians.

01:45:37.000 That fucking...

01:45:39.000 Yeah, but those, you know, when you're making a car out of fiberglass.

01:45:43.000 You know, it's pretty weird, just to go back to that lady that quit high school when she was 16, that she was one of the most wealthiest people in the world.

01:45:51.000 The Chinese lady?

01:45:52.000 Yeah, whatever her name was, we pronounce her wrong.

01:45:55.000 It's so weird how much stock we put into high school.

01:46:02.000 How much stock is really in high school?

01:46:04.000 Like, right now you have children.

01:46:07.000 I don't know about high school.

01:46:10.000 Like, I don't know.

01:46:12.000 I don't know about high school still.

01:46:15.000 And I don't know.

01:46:16.000 I've met so many people who have quit high school that have done better with their lives.

01:46:21.000 I thought...

01:46:23.000 When I quit high school, I was done.

01:46:24.000 I was fucking done.

01:46:26.000 That was one of the worst points of my life.

01:46:28.000 I remember I was gonna get a tattoo.

01:46:30.000 I wanted to get like an...

01:46:31.000 Ozzy Osbourne has Ozzy on his fingers.

01:46:34.000 I was gonna get Coco on both fingers.

01:46:37.000 C-O-C-O. And I remember walking up there that day and going, you know what, bro?

01:46:42.000 So wait a second, I'm gonna get an Ozzy or Coco tattoo on my fingers and I'm gonna quit high school?

01:46:48.000 Like, what am I gonna be my chances of really doing anything?

01:46:52.000 Like, I already quit high school and now I'm gonna put tattoos on my fingers.

01:46:56.000 I'm never gonna do anything with my life.

01:46:57.000 That's why I chickened out from tattoos, you know?

01:47:00.000 Because you're afraid you're gonna be a loser?

01:47:02.000 In 1982, a tattoo was not a work of art.

01:47:05.000 A tattoo was, you went to jail, you killed somebody.

01:47:10.000 But he had that in 69. He's had that in 69. He was cooler than fuck.

01:47:17.000 He was Ozzy Osbourne.

01:47:18.000 I always know Ozzy Osbourne.

01:47:20.000 I was just some fucking drugged out criminal.

01:47:22.000 But I knew that if I quit high school and put COCO, I was doomed for life.

01:47:29.000 Like on both hands, I was going to be doomed.

01:47:32.000 This is a true story, bro.

01:47:33.000 I remember still walking to the tattoo place.

01:47:35.000 It was in Cliffside Park.

01:47:37.000 And how much weight they put on high school I quit high school my junior year.

01:47:44.000 Was I good at it?

01:47:45.000 Yes, I was very good at it.

01:47:46.000 I was very good at school.

01:47:47.000 I just had to quit school because of necessity.

01:47:50.000 I had no parents.

01:47:51.000 I had to quit fucking high school.

01:47:54.000 It's so weird how many people over the years I've read.

01:47:57.000 The only reason why I got my GED, let me tell you something.

01:48:00.000 I refuse to get my GED. Because if I would have failed my GED, I would have killed myself.

01:48:06.000 If you quit high school and then fail your GED, you're really doomed for life.

01:48:10.000 I didn't even want to know about the GED thing.

01:48:13.000 But when I got arrested, You gotta have a GED because you get an extra point to your sentence thing.

01:48:20.000 Like this is a variable that adds to you not going to prison for that long.

01:48:25.000 So if you get arrested and you don't have a GED and you're not working at the time of your arrest, this all counts towards your sentencing guidelines.

01:48:35.000 So the only reason why I took that GED fucking thing, because I was petrified of taking it, Joe Rogan.

01:48:41.000 Because once you fail your GED, there ain't no coming back.

01:48:43.000 So I got a tattoo on my fingers, I fucking quit high school, and I fucking failed the first GED thing.

01:48:51.000 Like, I would have died.

01:48:52.000 Like, I studied hard for my GED. I bought the fucking thing.

01:48:56.000 I took a night class with a bunch of people who didn't speak English.

01:48:59.000 I studied hard.

01:49:00.000 I passed my GED with flying colors.

01:49:03.000 But it's so weird how they put such a stress on it when I was growing up.

01:49:07.000 And I know tons of kids that sophomore year said, my father owns a fucking mechanic garage or we have a fruit company or my father is in the stock market and he's getting me a job.

01:49:19.000 And I know these kids today and they're doing fine.

01:49:21.000 I just saw one in West Palm Beach that he was one of the first guys to quit school.

01:49:25.000 And I was like worried about him.

01:49:27.000 How the fuck do you quit school?

01:49:29.000 He's doing fine.

01:49:30.000 He's rich as fuck now.

01:49:31.000 Well, quitting an education, like quitting learning is what's really scary.

01:49:39.000 The problem with school is school, like standardized education, right?

01:49:44.000 The education that they would like you to get is you go through school, you get out of high school, you go to a good college, you get a degree, and then you go to graduate school.

01:49:53.000 And then you're a real success.

01:49:55.000 But there's a lot of people that did that, that there was no job for them.

01:49:59.000 They have graduate degrees, and they're not doing well, and it's not a guarantee.

01:50:05.000 And especially in this weird fucking economy.

01:50:07.000 The problem with a guy like you, or a problem with a guy like me, is that we're never gonna have regular jobs.

01:50:14.000 It was never gonna work.

01:50:15.000 We're too fucked up, for whatever reason.

01:50:18.000 We're both fucked up for different reasons.

01:50:19.000 I quit.

01:50:30.000 But nobody recognized that you had the potential to be an entertainer.

01:50:36.000 Nobody ever says like you could be an entertainer.

01:50:38.000 You're a funny entertaining guy.

01:50:40.000 Nobody ever brings that up as a viable job option.

01:50:43.000 Meanwhile It's obviously a giant job option.

01:50:47.000 All of our friends that are like you or I, that are comics, they were all fuck-ups in high school.

01:50:53.000 They all barely made it through whatever job they had.

01:50:56.000 They hated every second of it, and they all thought they were losers.

01:50:58.000 That's one thing we all have in common.

01:51:00.000 We were all worried that we were going to be a loser.

01:51:03.000 But no one, none of us had someone who said, hey, Joey.

01:51:07.000 You're fucking funny, man.

01:51:09.000 You could be a comic.

01:51:11.000 Try being a comic.

01:51:11.000 Go to an open mic night.

01:51:13.000 Give it a shot.

01:51:13.000 You know how much comics make a weekend?

01:51:15.000 A comic with a headline at a club in the weekend, Mike made $1,500.

01:51:19.000 You'd be like, what?

01:51:20.000 $1,500?

01:51:21.000 We're telling jokes?

01:51:22.000 Like, yeah, $1,500.

01:51:24.000 And you'd be like, that is crazy.

01:51:26.000 And you'd talk about what regular people were making, busting their ass all week.

01:51:30.000 You could just show up on a Friday, do two shows on a Friday, two shows on a Saturday, one show on Sunday.

01:51:36.000 You'd make $1,500.

01:51:38.000 You'd get home, and a lot of times it was cash.

01:51:41.000 You'd be like, how do I do this job?

01:51:44.000 Well, you've got to start off as a mic night.

01:51:46.000 You've got to become an apprentice.

01:51:47.000 It's so weird how I could look you in the face and tell you something.

01:51:51.000 I knew my freshman year in high school.

01:51:54.000 You ready?

01:51:54.000 Yeah.

01:51:55.000 I knew one thing for sure.

01:51:57.000 What?

01:51:57.000 I did not want a day job.

01:51:59.000 No job.

01:51:59.000 Me too.

01:52:00.000 No, no, no.

01:52:01.000 I didn't say that.

01:52:02.000 I wanted a job.

01:52:04.000 But not a job where you sit in an office.

01:52:06.000 No, no.

01:52:06.000 There was no day job in my future.

01:52:08.000 I was either going to be a bartender, a waiter.

01:52:11.000 I was going to work in a warehouse.

01:52:14.000 There was a company, White Rose and Sea Caucus.

01:52:16.000 It was a frozen warehouse where you just got lobster tails and shit and you had to wear it bundled up.

01:52:21.000 They paid you $22 an hour.

01:52:23.000 They gave you $1,000 every 90 days to buy clothing.

01:52:26.000 I was set to do that.

01:52:28.000 I had no problem working 9 to 6. I knew one thing about my life.

01:52:33.000 That I was not taking a day job.

01:52:36.000 Because the people I grew up around, my mother did not have a day job.

01:52:41.000 My mother went, opened the bar at 9, set the bar up, beer, boom.

01:52:46.000 And by 10.30, she was in Harlem, picking up this, going to a Met game, eating Chinese food.

01:52:52.000 She didn't go back till 7 o'clock at night.

01:52:55.000 Then she worked till 3. I had no problem with working.

01:52:58.000 My first big job was bartending from 5 to 1 in Manhattan.

01:53:02.000 I just knew that my days were mine.

01:53:06.000 I liked that.

01:53:07.000 I wanted to be opposite everybody else.

01:53:09.000 I wanted you to leave the fucking house when I walked in.

01:53:12.000 I'm going to make my own eggs.

01:53:14.000 I'm going to smoke a joint.

01:53:15.000 I'm going to watch TV for an hour, sleep till 2, get up, lift weights.

01:53:19.000 Independence.

01:53:20.000 That's what I want.

01:53:21.000 I did not want a day job.

01:53:22.000 That I didn't know.

01:53:23.000 Some people want the opposite.

01:53:24.000 Some people's personalities, if they want to go somewhere where someone tells them what to do, they want to sit in a very safe, structured environment and do boring shit.

01:53:32.000 There's a company in my town named APA, Anthony Imperatoro.

01:53:36.000 When I was a kid, APA fed everybody.

01:53:39.000 The deal was, you went down there, 1982, let's say.

01:53:43.000 It was $17.50 an hour.

01:53:46.000 So you shaped.

01:53:47.000 Did you ever shape?

01:53:49.000 What's that mean?

01:53:49.000 Shape is you just go down there and they look at you like Marlon Brando on the waterfront.

01:53:54.000 You stand there like a fucking moron and they come up to you.

01:53:56.000 We need six people tonight.

01:53:58.000 You.

01:53:58.000 You look pretty strong.

01:54:00.000 You.

01:54:00.000 And there's 30 people against the wall.

01:54:01.000 They call it shape?

01:54:02.000 Shape up work.

01:54:03.000 You gotta go sign up at the hall.

01:54:05.000 So if you're a longshoreman and all that shit, if you don't have work, you go do shape up work.

01:54:10.000 So you just go down there and wait for your badge number to be called.

01:54:13.000 And then they give you work.

01:54:15.000 So I used to work at APA as a shape guy.

01:54:18.000 So you go on APA, right?

01:54:21.000 And the first night Joe Rogan picks me, he sees I'm a fucking mule.

01:54:25.000 I'm a mule.

01:54:27.000 Like, you ain't gonna break me.

01:54:28.000 The ship started at 7 and it went till 6, but sometimes at 6 a load of fucking Volkswagen engines came in.

01:54:37.000 And here you are with another fucking gorilla picking up Volkswagen engines.

01:54:41.000 So what I used to do was you couldn't work more than six days a month or they had to put you in the union.

01:54:48.000 So I would work APA, white truck, whatever.

01:54:53.000 There was three different companies that you could shape for.

01:54:56.000 So what you did was to get into the union was once I found out Joe was cool and Joe knew I worked, I threw Joe a yardstick.

01:55:05.000 I threw you a hundred, so I have guaranteed two days a week work, which is still $18 an hour plus overtime.

01:55:13.000 So I did shape-up work.

01:55:16.000 And then if you completed like 12, if they made a mistake and they gave you 12 days in a month, now they had to hire you full-time.

01:55:24.000 And your life changed forever.

01:55:26.000 APA, that guy Imperator, you know what he owns now?

01:55:30.000 The fucking ferry.

01:55:31.000 Like the ferry that goes back to New Jersey, back and forth from Jersey to New York City?

01:55:35.000 That's Imperator.

01:55:37.000 He didn't stop growing.

01:55:38.000 But when we were kids, his facility, he took such care of his employees.

01:55:44.000 His gym, when the New York Nets went from Long Island to New Jersey, that's where they practiced the first year.

01:55:55.000 That's how good in the 70s his gym was.

01:55:58.000 Like, if you loaded trucks, you were allowed to use that gym.

01:56:01.000 He already had shit that nobody had.

01:56:05.000 He had fiberglass backboards.

01:56:06.000 He had water weights.

01:56:08.000 He had shit that nobody had, like, at that time.

01:56:11.000 Wow.

01:56:12.000 But my point being that that was what I had in high school, that I could do shape-up work, and I could still make a living, and eventually somebody was going to hire me.

01:56:21.000 I was going to work like a fucking mule, but I'd still be making, you know, $1,500 a week when you're in 1980, which wasn't bad.

01:56:29.000 That's a lot of money back then.

01:56:31.000 Which wasn't bad.

01:56:32.000 Those are the guys that buy the boats, and they go to Atlantic City, and they wear white shoes on the weekends.

01:56:37.000 They make more than everybody else.

01:56:39.000 Because you made great money down there.

01:56:41.000 So you shape.

01:56:42.000 You could also do that as a longshoreman.

01:56:45.000 You go down to Newark and stay there, and then after 15 days, they pick you up in the union.

01:56:50.000 They'll charge you $5,000 for a book, which means that you get $5,000 to enter the union, but you got benefits the rest of your life.

01:56:57.000 Insurance and a pension and Yeah, and you realized that you weren't going to work in a cubicle.

01:57:03.000 I did not.

01:57:04.000 I knew that I... But I liked that night loading shit.

01:57:07.000 You don't know how many nights I walked home at Route 3 with no money.

01:57:10.000 How many days after loading a truck all night, walking home on Route 3, because I didn't have enough money for the bus.

01:57:17.000 I just had enough money for, like, breakfast.

01:57:20.000 And I would walk up and get breakfast at a dime, and I'd go wherever I was sleeping and fucking...

01:57:25.000 I didn't know anything.

01:57:28.000 Comedy didn't come into my radar until a month before I went to prison.

01:57:34.000 A month before I got locked up, a month before I got arrested for the crime, never mind prison, there was a salesman they hired, and we did not get along, me and him as a car salesman.

01:57:48.000 He was American Indian, a piece of him was American Indian, and he even had that Charles Bronson look in his eyes.

01:57:54.000 And one day, me and him got into a beef over a customer.

01:57:58.000 He said the customer's was his and it was mine.

01:58:01.000 And me and him banged it up face to face and they had to break us up.

01:58:05.000 But about a week later, I was on the point.

01:58:07.000 That means you're outside waiting for a customer to try to get a customer on point.

01:58:12.000 And he came out and he goes, man, listen, I don't know what happened between us.

01:58:16.000 His name was Brent.

01:58:18.000 I'll never forget that man.

01:58:20.000 If I was 25, he was about 40 something, 44, 45. And I had a fucking, you know, I was doing drugs, and I had the tough guy mentality, and I banged you.

01:58:33.000 And I would never raise my hand to somebody old.

01:58:35.000 I don't know why I went after him that day.

01:58:38.000 But he came up to me, put out his hand, and he goes, listen, man, I don't know nothing about nothing.

01:58:42.000 But he goes, you know what I was doing for the last 20 years, right?

01:58:45.000 And I go, no, I don't know anything about it.

01:58:47.000 He goes, I was the entertainment coordinator for a casino in Las Vegas.

01:58:53.000 And he goes, I don't know, man, you make me fucking laugh.

01:58:56.000 And I remember shaking his hand going, thank you.

01:58:58.000 Get the fuck away from me.

01:59:00.000 I make you laugh.

01:59:01.000 What are you, stupid?

01:59:02.000 And he was telling me how I had a career in comedy, and I wasn't listening to him.

01:59:06.000 He said, you should really give it a try.

01:59:08.000 I'm like, you're fucking crazy, stand-up comedy.

01:59:11.000 I like Freddie Prinze.

01:59:13.000 I like David Brenner.

01:59:14.000 I love Richard Pryor.

01:59:15.000 But I'm a fucking criminal.

01:59:17.000 I can't do this shit.

01:59:19.000 And then I got arrested.

01:59:22.000 And then when I came out, I didn't think about it.

01:59:24.000 And then when I fucking came out for reals, there was a guy that lives in Pismo Beach now.

01:59:35.000 And he used to talk to me about it.

01:59:37.000 He goes, you ever consider stand-up comedy?

01:59:38.000 And I go, come on, dog.

01:59:40.000 Leave me the fuck alone.

01:59:41.000 I'm a drug addict.

01:59:42.000 Fucking stand-up comedy.

01:59:45.000 I didn't know stand-up comedy was about work.

01:59:48.000 I thought that Joe Rogan just called the comedy store and said, have a camera there in 10 minutes.

01:59:52.000 I'm going to be down and you tape an hour.

01:59:54.000 I didn't know that you had to work 18 months to get an hour of material.

01:59:58.000 If you're lucky, you're good.

02:00:00.000 That's what I thought.

02:00:00.000 That's how fucking off I was.

02:00:03.000 I just thought that when I saw John Leguizamo, he just went down there.

02:00:07.000 He just went down there in an hour.

02:00:09.000 That's what I thought for all that time.

02:00:11.000 A lot of people have weird perceptions of it.

02:00:12.000 But, you know, the thing about it is that it's a possibility.

02:00:16.000 And no one ever says that it's a possibility.

02:00:18.000 It's not an easy possibility, but it's an option.

02:00:21.000 But being a fucking physician is not an easy possibility either.

02:00:24.000 But if you tell someone you want to be a doctor, they don't look at you like you're crazy.

02:00:28.000 The amount of work is probably pretty similar.

02:00:30.000 There's a lot of work involved in being a doctor.

02:00:33.000 But it's a path that's been taken by many people.

02:00:37.000 It's clearly established.

02:00:38.000 You go through school, you go through medical school, you go through residency.

02:00:40.000 There's all these different steps that you have to take that everybody's really aware of.

02:00:44.000 With a stand-up comedy career, no one who's, other than the people that have done it, no one knows what it is.

02:00:50.000 You and I both know that in order to be, you know, say, a physicist, You have to go through a certain amount of education.

02:00:58.000 If you had, oh, Tim's son, he's really smart.

02:01:02.000 He wants to work for SpaceX.

02:01:06.000 He wants to build rocket ships.

02:01:07.000 Like, oh, okay.

02:01:08.000 That's a possibility.

02:01:09.000 You can do that.

02:01:10.000 You're really smart.

02:01:11.000 You go to school.

02:01:11.000 You get a good education.

02:01:12.000 You follow through.

02:01:14.000 There's a path there.

02:01:16.000 With comedy, no one knows that path other than people like you or I. People that have actually done that path and make a living doing it, we know it.

02:01:23.000 But for everybody on the outside, it's like, what is that?

02:01:25.000 And sometimes you need someone to come along and tell you, like the guy who you were working with.

02:01:31.000 For me, it was my friend Steve, Dr. Steve Graham.

02:01:35.000 He was my friend when I was, you know, he was telling me this when I was like 19, you know?

02:01:40.000 He was like, you're really funny.

02:01:42.000 Like, you should be a comedian.

02:01:43.000 I was like, I'm funny to you.

02:01:45.000 I'm like, other people are going to think I'm an asshole.

02:01:47.000 That's all I was thinking.

02:01:49.000 I wasn't big on public speaking.

02:01:52.000 What got me into public speaking, honestly, what helped me was teaching.

02:01:57.000 When I was teaching martial arts, I had to teach in front of all these people.

02:02:01.000 I had never spoken in front of groups of people, but I was really good at the time at teaching classes.

02:02:08.000 I had learned from my instructor, and there was a way to do it.

02:02:13.000 I was very enthusiastic.

02:02:14.000 Obviously, it was my life, so I was very intense about doing it.

02:02:17.000 And I got used to speaking publicly in front of these large groups of people.

02:02:21.000 But it was because I was speaking about something that I was good at.

02:02:24.000 And then I would teach at Boston University, and when I would go there and teach the classes, I'd start off the classes, you know, and I basically said to them, listen, you take this class, try hard, you're going to get an A. It's pass-fail A. It actually counts for your GPA. So this is an easy A. I don't want you to be fucking Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan.

02:02:46.000 You don't have to do that.

02:02:47.000 I just want you to try.

02:02:48.000 If you come here and try, you get an A. That simple.

02:02:51.000 And so I became friends with a lot of the kids because they were like my age.

02:02:54.000 Some of them were even older than me.

02:02:56.000 And I was teaching them.

02:02:57.000 So that was how I got into public speaking.

02:03:00.000 When was the first time?

02:03:01.000 I want you to think before you even answer.

02:03:03.000 Besides stand-up comedy, were you ever, ever, ever on a stage before that?

02:03:07.000 No.

02:03:08.000 Improv troupe in grammar school, a play.

02:03:11.000 In high school, playing grammar school?

02:03:13.000 In college I took...

02:03:14.000 No, I didn't do any...

02:03:15.000 I don't think I ever did anything.

02:03:17.000 Maybe if I did, I don't remember.

02:03:18.000 But in college I took a course on public speaking.

02:03:22.000 It was like some sort of...

02:03:25.000 It was some sort of course where we would do like little play.

02:03:29.000 It was terrible.

02:03:30.000 The teacher was terrible.

02:03:31.000 She was this short little lazy lady.

02:03:35.000 She was so lazy.

02:03:36.000 Like the way she would give classes, it was continuing education program at UMass.

02:03:41.000 She was just terrible.

02:03:42.000 And there was the people in the class where it was very loosely organized.

02:03:47.000 She didn't explain the lessons very well.

02:03:50.000 And we had to put together some little play, I remember.

02:03:53.000 It was me and this girl and this guy.

02:03:57.000 We made some little funny play.

02:04:01.000 We wrote it together.

02:04:02.000 It was around the same age.

02:04:04.000 I was probably thinking about doing stand-up.

02:04:06.000 I was probably 19 or 20 at the time.

02:04:09.000 I never was, I always shunned from all that stuff.

02:04:13.000 I was always embarrassed.

02:04:16.000 And my sixth, when I got thrown out of Catholic school in the sixth grade, I had this guy, Mr. Levito.

02:04:23.000 And on Fridays, you had a choice to fucking go be part of the ecology club or hang out in the class.

02:04:31.000 I don't know what made me.

02:04:32.000 I was in love with Frankie Valli.

02:04:34.000 Yeah.

02:04:35.000 All right?

02:04:36.000 And My Eyes Adored You.

02:04:37.000 So he would make me every Friday go up to the front of the class and put My Eyes Adored You on a record player and I'd sing it.

02:04:45.000 Like, not lip-sync it.

02:04:46.000 I'd really sing it, because I really had a good voice growing up.

02:04:49.000 I was in a band as a singer.

02:04:51.000 Were you?

02:04:52.000 You were in a band?

02:04:52.000 Yeah, in the sixth grade.

02:04:53.000 You've done that fucking rock and roll show.

02:04:56.000 What is that show?

02:04:58.000 The guy from Baltimore?

02:04:59.000 Yeah, it was fun as fuck.

02:05:00.000 What is that show called?

02:05:01.000 Goddamn Comedy Jam, yeah.

02:05:04.000 You've done that?

02:05:04.000 Yeah.

02:05:05.000 What'd you sing?

02:05:06.000 Killing in the Name of Love.

02:05:08.000 Oh, that's right.

02:05:08.000 You did it recently.

02:05:09.000 Worst anxiety ever.

02:05:11.000 Did you?

02:05:12.000 Oh, my God.

02:05:13.000 Singing and doing comedy is two different fucking worlds.

02:05:16.000 Did you have to learn the song and practice it?

02:05:18.000 Yeah.

02:05:18.000 They wanted me to go to a rehearsal, but I couldn't go to a rehearsal that day.

02:05:22.000 So you had no rehearsal?

02:05:23.000 No rehearsal.

02:05:24.000 I knew the song.

02:05:25.000 There you go.

02:05:27.000 Play this.

02:05:32.000 Where is this being held at?

02:05:34.000 This is at...

02:05:36.000 This one was a couple years ago.

02:05:38.000 This is like a year and a half ago.

02:05:46.000 I love music.

02:05:47.000 I'm just...

02:05:48.000 I love all this shit.

02:05:50.000 I just can't learn.

02:06:06.000 Whatever happened to Rage Against the Machine?

02:06:07.000 What are they doing these days?

02:06:09.000 Right now, today, they're in that band with Be Real.

02:06:13.000 Be Real?

02:06:14.000 Be Real's in the band with them, Public Enemy.

02:06:18.000 What?

02:06:19.000 They're all in the Renegades.

02:06:21.000 It's a super band.

02:06:21.000 Oh, it's a fucking tremendous super band.

02:06:23.000 What band is this?

02:06:24.000 How do I not know about this?

02:06:26.000 Yeah, something of, please don't, come on, don't embarrass me now, I can't.

02:06:31.000 Yeah, Sons of Rage or Somethings of Rage, and it's Tom Morello, the singer from Public Enemy, Be Real.

02:06:39.000 Chuck D? Chuck D. Wow.

02:06:43.000 Is Flava Flava in it?

02:06:44.000 I don't think so.

02:06:45.000 I think they told Flava Flava you can.

02:06:47.000 Is he still married to Salone's ex-wife?

02:06:50.000 No, Salone's ex-wife just had a baby.

02:06:52.000 Prophets of Rage is what it's called.

02:06:54.000 Who's in the band?

02:06:55.000 It's a couple of guys from Rage, Public Enemy, Cypress Hill.

02:06:58.000 Yes, Stallone's ex-wife had a baby.

02:07:01.000 She was 185 years old.

02:07:04.000 Yeah.

02:07:05.000 How the fuck did she have a baby?

02:07:08.000 She had the last egg.

02:07:09.000 They found the last egg that was tucked up in a quarter.

02:07:12.000 The fallopian tubes.

02:07:13.000 Listen, man.

02:07:14.000 Mick Jagger's singing at 75. I guarantee women have eggs a little longer now.

02:07:19.000 I wonder.

02:07:19.000 You just gotta dig a little deeper.

02:07:22.000 You gotta dig deep, deep, deep in that little monkey.

02:07:25.000 There's gotta be...

02:07:26.000 Janet Jackson had one at 50, you know?

02:07:28.000 Yeah.

02:07:29.000 I mean, they're in there.

02:07:30.000 You just need a guy to give you a stab and to generate everything at the same time.

02:07:34.000 That guy's gonna be holding back a lot of loads.

02:07:37.000 Just keep those loads for weeks.

02:07:39.000 No jerking off.

02:07:41.000 No nothing.

02:07:41.000 No wet dreams.

02:07:43.000 For weeks.

02:07:43.000 And then just release the hounds.

02:07:47.000 After 48. As a woman after 48 from what I've read.

02:07:55.000 46, 47, your chances of a child having autism are very high.

02:08:00.000 There's a lot of chances of a lot of little things going wrong.

02:08:03.000 Chances are with the male as well, you know.

02:08:05.000 Really?

02:08:06.000 Over 50?

02:08:07.000 Yeah, with men, there's a bunch of factors, but one of the factors is also the age of the father.

02:08:12.000 That's why you see more autistic kids these days than before as people are putting off, they're having children, And having careers later, and there's complications.

02:08:22.000 It's one of the theories as to why there's more autistic kids.

02:08:25.000 Another theory is that there's not more autistic kids.

02:08:28.000 We're just better at diagnosing what the issue is with children than we used to be before.

02:08:34.000 I say we very loosely, obviously.

02:08:37.000 Brigitte Nielsen.

02:08:38.000 Look at that.

02:08:39.000 So she had her first kid.

02:08:41.000 This is her fifth.

02:08:42.000 She had her first kid when she was young and vibrant.

02:08:44.000 And the fifth kid when she's basically a monster.

02:08:50.000 God bless her.

02:08:52.000 God bless her.

02:08:52.000 God fucking bless her.

02:08:54.000 55, healthy baby.

02:08:56.000 Good for her.

02:08:57.000 I know, and my little girl was born.

02:08:59.000 I kept looking at her eyes to see her.

02:09:00.000 Her age was 55?

02:09:02.000 Yeah.

02:09:02.000 That's incredible.

02:09:03.000 I kept looking at my daughter's eyes to see if she was stoned.

02:09:07.000 Because God knew how much THC was in my reefer when I shot that load of death.

02:09:13.000 I shot that stone a load.

02:09:15.000 It's kind of funny, man, when you just think about the window of time that you have to get pregnant and impregnate someone.

02:09:23.000 If you ever run into someone and you haven't seen them in like 10, 15 years and you see them and you're like, whoa, okay.

02:09:30.000 Time.

02:09:30.000 Time is real.

02:09:32.000 It wears on people.

02:09:33.000 You don't think about it when you see people day in, day out.

02:09:36.000 I see you all the time.

02:09:37.000 You look the same to me.

02:09:39.000 But if you don't see someone for 10, 15 years, you're like, oh.

02:09:42.000 Oh, wait till you look at a picture of yourself.

02:09:44.000 Oh, you go to a hotel room.

02:09:45.000 When you go to a hotel room, that mirror don't lie.

02:09:48.000 The mirror at your house is a fucking bullshit artist.

02:09:51.000 That motherfucker.

02:09:52.000 Hides curves and hairs in your nose.

02:09:55.000 You go to a Vegas and you walk past the mirror and you're like, what the fuck happened there?

02:10:01.000 Yeah.

02:10:02.000 I watch a tape of myself or something.

02:10:05.000 I'm like, wow, man, I'm getting old.

02:10:08.000 You become a monster.

02:10:09.000 Last week, I fucking took a red eye to Cleveland.

02:10:13.000 I get to Cleveland.

02:10:14.000 It was the only direct flight.

02:10:16.000 Now, everything's fucking crazy.

02:10:18.000 There's two direct flights a day to Cleveland.

02:10:20.000 Everybody's got a flight, but it takes you 19 hours.

02:10:22.000 Right.

02:10:22.000 So my choices were to leave at 11 in the morning and leave it a day earlier, which ain't happening, or take a red eye that night.

02:10:30.000 I took the red eye.

02:10:32.000 And we landed at 6 in the morning, which is 3 L.A. time, which I'm never up past fucking 12.30 anymore.

02:10:39.000 And I took a thing to the hotel, me and George Perez.

02:10:43.000 You know, and for a couple minutes I was a little, like, look at my fucking life.

02:10:48.000 I'm 55 and I'm fucking taking a red eye to do Cleveland.

02:10:51.000 And when I got into the hotel room and I sat down and I sat at my computer, I'm like, how fucking lucky am I? I'm still doing spots at the fucking store.

02:11:01.000 I'm still going out and doing weekends.

02:11:03.000 I never dreamt of this past 48. And I'm 55 and headlining and having a great time and laughing my fucking balls off.

02:11:12.000 We forget for a moment of time.

02:11:14.000 What happened was the car didn't show.

02:11:17.000 And I didn't even get pissed off.

02:11:19.000 I just said, George, let's hop in the car.

02:11:22.000 We walked 50 yards, there was a cab, and that was the end of that.

02:11:27.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:11:27.000 I don't even know why I told you that.

02:11:29.000 I'm just thinking about it.

02:11:29.000 Well, you know, it's perception.

02:11:31.000 You know, I mean, you know, if you...

02:11:34.000 Showed Bridget Nielsen a photo of her today when she was 20 and said, you're going to look like this in five minutes.

02:11:40.000 She'd probably freak out.

02:11:42.000 She'd probably be terrified.

02:11:43.000 But now that she's 55, she's like, eh, that's what I look like.

02:11:47.000 We all become J. Howard Marshall and Nicole Smith's fucking husband.

02:11:52.000 So much time.

02:11:54.000 You don't stay beautiful forever.

02:11:57.000 There's going to be an amount of time where your body just stops working right and...

02:12:01.000 Your tissue starts to hang off your face and it is what it is.

02:12:05.000 And it's perception.

02:12:06.000 A lot of it is perception.

02:12:08.000 You broke it down for me with your old Romero.

02:12:10.000 Your genes.

02:12:11.000 You look somebody like me.

02:12:12.000 What's a girl we've discussed a thousand times?

02:12:15.000 She was married to Richard Gere with the beauty mark.

02:12:18.000 You said you saw her somewhere and she was still fucking beautiful.

02:12:22.000 What's her name?

02:12:23.000 Who was married to Richard Gere?

02:12:25.000 Cindy Crawford.

02:12:26.000 Still beautiful.

02:12:27.000 Was it you that saw?

02:12:28.000 Yeah.

02:12:28.000 And said, you gotta be kidding me.

02:12:30.000 I ran into her six months ago.

02:12:32.000 It's fucking beautiful.

02:12:33.000 There's two girls in my high school that are on Facebook.

02:12:36.000 They have not aged a year.

02:12:38.000 And they both spit out kids.

02:12:41.000 It's also how you take care of yourself.

02:12:42.000 It's the alcohol.

02:12:44.000 Yes.

02:12:45.000 And whether or not you're happy?

02:12:47.000 The happiness, the alcohol, the tobacco, the food.

02:12:51.000 Tobacco's a big one.

02:12:52.000 Tobacco's a big one.

02:12:53.000 Listen, man, I was thinking about this, how it's so weird that once every two years, I don't know what, Joe Rogan, I hate being this person sometimes.

02:13:02.000 I hate being this person.

02:13:04.000 I like to have Something going wrong.

02:13:07.000 Like, I still have that bug inside of me.

02:13:09.000 Self-sabotage.

02:13:10.000 Yeah.

02:13:10.000 Still sabotage.

02:13:11.000 Every once in a while, I go up to the comedy store and I see everybody drinking.

02:13:16.000 And I see everybody doing everything else.

02:13:17.000 And here I am with a fucking water like an asshole.

02:13:20.000 I don't smoke at night when I drive because I can't see at night.

02:13:23.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:13:24.000 So I can't smoke.

02:13:25.000 I can't get high.

02:13:26.000 Sometimes I go in the back and I get high.

02:13:28.000 So every once in a while I go to a Red Band or somebody, give me a fucking cigarette.

02:13:33.000 And I smoke five fucking cigarettes, and I'll smoke for a week.

02:13:36.000 Do you know that, Joe Rogan?

02:13:37.000 I'll pack a cigarette at 8 o'clock at night and smoke like a fiend and throw them out of the car on the way up the hill.

02:13:44.000 Do you know how bad I feel the next day?

02:13:48.000 You could see how bad fucking cigarettes are for you.

02:13:52.000 And number two is alcohol.

02:13:54.000 You know, you could see...

02:13:55.000 Now, when you say this, like, how many cigarettes will you smoke?

02:13:57.000 Like, in one night?

02:14:05.000 That's a lot.

02:14:06.000 That's a lot, because I'm a savage.

02:14:08.000 When was the last time you did this?

02:14:10.000 About two months ago.

02:14:12.000 Really?

02:14:12.000 Yeah.

02:14:13.000 And you don't worry it's going to get you again?

02:14:15.000 No, no, no, no.

02:14:17.000 All that shit is bullshit to me.

02:14:19.000 Why do you think I said that shit to you last week about the ambient?

02:14:22.000 I wasn't fucking around with you trying to be cute.

02:14:24.000 I do everything.

02:14:26.000 I'm sober, but I do everything.

02:14:29.000 I'm sober right now, but I do everything.

02:14:31.000 I don't do coke, I don't do heroin, I don't do oxycontins.

02:14:33.000 Right.

02:14:34.000 But on the road, people give you shit.

02:14:36.000 And sometimes I put it in my pocket.

02:14:37.000 On the road, people give you shit?

02:14:38.000 Oh, people give me shit all the time.

02:14:40.000 You take the shit people give you?

02:14:41.000 All the time, dude.

02:14:43.000 I just took some acid fucking...

02:14:45.000 Somebody gave me blotter acid and I put it in the battery thing.

02:14:51.000 I have like a shaver and I took the blotter acid and put it in the battery thing.

02:14:55.000 So it became like battery acid, and I called Lee, and I told Lee it was Wolfman Jack acid.

02:15:00.000 He didn't know who Wolfman Jack was.

02:15:03.000 Wolfman Jack.

02:15:04.000 There's a guy.

02:15:05.000 Remember that guy?

02:15:06.000 That motherfucker went on an episode.

02:15:08.000 Radio guy.

02:15:09.000 He went on an episode of The Odd Couple one time, and Felix wanted some music published, and it was horrible.

02:15:17.000 So Oscar was a friend of Wolfman Jack's, and he goes, man, let me give it to Wolfman Jack.

02:15:22.000 Maybe he'll like it.

02:15:23.000 And they're both outside the studio waiting for Wolfman Jack.

02:15:26.000 And Wolfman Jack comes out with two freaks.

02:15:28.000 He's got a weird look on his face.

02:15:30.000 He's like, man, I dig noises.

02:15:32.000 I dig yells in the night, but he goes this, I haven't been this depressed in a long time.

02:15:39.000 Wolfman Jack.

02:15:40.000 He goes, this was just bad.

02:15:42.000 Now, if you don't mind, he goes, I gotta come down off this battery acid I was drinking last night.

02:15:46.000 So I've never forgotten that line as a kid, that Wolfman Jack, look at him.

02:15:52.000 Is he still alive?

02:15:53.000 No!

02:15:55.000 There's a lot of videos, I didn't see his.

02:15:57.000 See if he's still alive.

02:15:58.000 No, he died in 1995. Wow, that was a long time ago.

02:16:03.000 Oh yeah, he was born in 38. Jesus Christ.

02:16:05.000 Play that black and white video in the lower right hand corner.

02:16:08.000 This one?

02:16:09.000 Yeah.

02:16:09.000 Let me hear that.

02:16:12.000 Give me some volume.

02:16:15.000 Wolfman Jack.

02:16:16.000 Is this going to get us kicked off YouTube?

02:16:17.000 Yeah, it could.

02:16:19.000 Wolfman Jack at WNBC. Air check from August 1973. His first night at 66 WN by NBC New York.

02:16:30.000 First air check.

02:16:32.000 First night.

02:16:39.000 Wow, how weird.

02:16:45.000 Give me a little, speed that up a little bit.

02:16:49.000 He should come in in a second.

02:16:52.000 Here he is, Superman Jack!

02:16:57.000 Boy, they had a lot of fucking theatrics back then.

02:17:00.000 Before the guy even talks.

02:17:02.000 Several minutes into the recording.

02:17:11.000 What the fuck?

02:17:25.000 Maybe it got better as it went along?

02:17:27.000 No.

02:17:28.000 No, it was a different world back then.

02:17:30.000 All you had to do was have a big personality, be loud and crazy, and people got used to listening to a certain person on the radio.

02:17:36.000 Radio personalities were a different thing, man.

02:17:38.000 It's like you would become accustomed to listening to someone's voice, and that was the person you wanted to hear.

02:17:45.000 I remember certain radio DJs Charles Laquadera on the Big Mattress in WBCN in Boston.

02:17:53.000 I listened to it every morning.

02:17:54.000 I listened to it when I was delivering newspapers.

02:17:56.000 He was the morning guy.

02:17:58.000 And every place would have a morning guy.

02:18:00.000 And there's still a few of them out there.

02:18:02.000 There's still a few morning guys out there, but man, they're cutting those guys back.

02:18:06.000 They're cutting those folks back.

02:18:07.000 They're whittling away their budget, taking away their money.

02:18:11.000 You know, they have to do personal appearance at Wild Wings and shit like that and fucking shoot t-shirts out of a cannon and all that nonsense.

02:18:19.000 It's a dying, dying institution.

02:18:22.000 The radio world is a dying world.

02:18:25.000 It's weird.

02:18:27.000 Used to be everybody had a car radio.

02:18:29.000 You listened to the radio.

02:18:30.000 Drove around.

02:18:31.000 What do we got on the radio?

02:18:32.000 Oh, it's TuneIn.

02:18:34.000 What's the good local stations?

02:18:35.000 You'd find them.

02:18:37.000 Listen to some good radio.

02:18:38.000 That shit's gone now, man.

02:18:40.000 It's gone.

02:18:41.000 It's gone.

02:18:41.000 It's crazy.

02:18:42.000 It's gone.

02:18:43.000 I was never like a talk radio guy.

02:18:46.000 I can't lie to you.

02:18:47.000 People listen to that talk sports and people call in, fuck you!

02:18:51.000 They love it.

02:18:52.000 The Yankees should have beat one last night.

02:18:54.000 It was a ref job.

02:18:55.000 That shit drives me fucking crazy.

02:18:57.000 By the way, congratulations on the Boston Red Sox.

02:19:00.000 They were fucking tough.

02:19:03.000 Tough.

02:19:04.000 I don't watch baseball throughout the year.

02:19:05.000 I don't have time.

02:19:06.000 But the Cuban, once September comes, I love the art form, Joe Rogan.

02:19:11.000 It's beautiful.

02:19:12.000 By the way, not only did I get left back and I got a GED, I'm the only Cuban that couldn't play baseball.

02:19:19.000 I'm possibly the only Cuban that was the worst baseball player in the fucking world.

02:19:23.000 Even my mother stopped going to the game.

02:19:25.000 She was like, I can't.

02:19:26.000 I can't.

02:19:27.000 You just embarrassed the shit out of me.

02:19:29.000 I was terrible.

02:19:30.000 But during the playoffs, I watched that shit religiously.

02:19:34.000 Yeah.

02:19:34.000 And I talked to my uncle, and he fills me in.

02:19:36.000 My uncle's tremendous.

02:19:38.000 My uncle fucking knows.

02:19:40.000 He's 80. He's been watching.

02:19:42.000 He knows.

02:19:43.000 So I'll get on the phone with him during the playoffs, and he'll be watching, and I'll talk to him.

02:19:49.000 He's ratting me off in Spanish.

02:19:51.000 Look at the way he throws the ball.

02:19:53.000 Look at his finger, how it's whole.

02:19:55.000 I mean, it's a different art.

02:19:57.000 And Boston was just too tough this year, Joe Rogan.

02:20:00.000 They had thieves.

02:20:01.000 A baseball player with thieves, it's tough to play against them.

02:20:05.000 What do you mean, thieves?

02:20:06.000 That's why me and your old partner at the UFC with Tyke Goldberg We're both Cincinnati Red fans.

02:20:12.000 What do you mean by thieves?

02:20:13.000 People who steal bases.

02:20:14.000 Oh.

02:20:15.000 People who steal bases.

02:20:16.000 I love thieves.

02:20:17.000 Because they don't let the pitcher get into a rhythm.

02:20:20.000 They get into the pitcher's head and they start dwindling their arms.

02:20:24.000 And now the pitcher's got to keep looking at his shoulder.

02:20:27.000 And if you ever get a chance to watch an old Cincinnati Red Bull park, a good game, if I find one, I'll send it to you.

02:20:33.000 And you watch at the pit.

02:20:35.000 You know how when the coach comes out and he takes the ball from the guy and the guy walks off and they call a reliever?

02:20:42.000 With the Cincinnati Reds, the coach will come out and the...

02:20:46.000 The pitcher would go, take this fucking ball.

02:20:48.000 I never want to pitch again.

02:20:50.000 Because Cincinnati was the king of bunting.

02:20:53.000 Getting on first.

02:20:54.000 And then playing with your head.

02:20:56.000 And then they would steal second.

02:20:57.000 Then they would hit a single.

02:20:59.000 The Cincinnati Reds won all those years with Pete Rose.

02:21:02.000 Pete Rose wasn't a home run hitter.

02:21:03.000 Pete Rose was a hitter.

02:21:05.000 That means every time he came up to bat, you're going to have a problem.

02:21:10.000 And him and Concepcion and Morgan and all those people, they were just single-hitters.

02:21:15.000 Those were the worst.

02:21:16.000 At least with a home run, I know where I stand.

02:21:19.000 But these motherfuckers that clobber you with singles and doubles, that's a different game.

02:21:24.000 And then I'm stealing from you to really get down?

02:21:27.000 Like, I'm stealing second and stealing third?

02:21:30.000 That's Sparky Anders in that movie.

02:21:32.000 I know you never watched it, but that's what it was about, the movie with Brad Pitt.

02:21:36.000 He did about baseball.

02:21:38.000 Yeah, I never saw that.

02:21:39.000 That's a great movie because he explains to you that it's on base percentage.

02:21:44.000 All that other shit is bullshit.

02:21:47.000 They're like, yeah, but this guy walks a lot.

02:21:49.000 Did he get on base?

02:21:51.000 That's what it's all about.

02:21:52.000 And Boston played that same game.

02:21:55.000 They're thieves.

02:21:56.000 They steal.

02:21:57.000 It was heart attack baseball.

02:21:59.000 You couldn't watch it.

02:22:00.000 If you bet the last five games, God bless you.

02:22:03.000 God bless you.

02:22:04.000 It's heart attack.

02:22:04.000 I got back to my room in Cleveland.

02:22:06.000 2.30 in the morning, they were still playing.

02:22:08.000 2.30 in the morning, I went to bed.

02:22:10.000 The Dodger game was still on.

02:22:12.000 It's tremendous.

02:22:13.000 This is the time of the year.

02:22:15.000 I love playoff baseball.

02:22:16.000 When it starts in April, I don't know nothing.

02:22:19.000 I don't watch none of that shit.

02:22:21.000 None of that shit.

02:22:24.000 I played baseball when I was a kid.

02:22:27.000 Terrible.

02:22:27.000 I stopped doing it when I got into martial arts.

02:22:30.000 I found out about Taekwondo because I was waiting for a Red Sox game, waiting for the tee to get home.

02:22:34.000 And there was a big-ass line to get to the tee because Fenway Park was let out.

02:22:38.000 And walking back from Fenway Park to the train station, I saw the Taekwondo school.

02:22:44.000 And I went up there and there was this guy named John Lee.

02:22:46.000 He was a national heavyweight champion, light heavyweight champion at the time.

02:22:49.000 And he was about to go to the World Cup.

02:22:52.000 And he was up there kicking the shit out of the heavy bag.

02:22:55.000 I'd never seen anything like it in my life.

02:22:57.000 I was hearing the sounds of it.

02:22:59.000 I was walking up the stairs.

02:23:00.000 I was hearing whomp!

02:23:01.000 K-chink!

02:23:02.000 Whomp!

02:23:03.000 K-chink!

02:23:04.000 And the whomp was him kicking the bag.

02:23:06.000 And the k-chink was the chain as the bag would go flying through the air and slam against the chain.

02:23:12.000 I was like, that is the craziest fucking sound.

02:23:14.000 And I walked in there and there was this guy.

02:23:17.000 It was just, you know, at the peak of his physical power.

02:23:20.000 He was just at his very best.

02:23:21.000 And he was training for a world tournament.

02:23:24.000 And just watching him do that was so terrifying.

02:23:28.000 Thinking, like, if someone kicked me like that, like, what it would do to my body.

02:23:33.000 And that's how I got into martial arts.

02:23:34.000 Because before, I wasn't into team sports, man.

02:23:37.000 That's one of the reasons why I got into wrestling.

02:23:39.000 At least for wrestling, it's me against that guy.

02:23:41.000 I hated team sports.

02:23:43.000 I hated the fact that we were losers because little Billy dropped the ball.

02:23:46.000 And I didn't play for the team either.

02:23:49.000 They would tell me, all right, Rogan, go try to get a single.

02:23:51.000 I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:23:53.000 Get the fuck out of here.

02:23:54.000 I swung, I either got a home run, or I struck out every fucking time I was at bat.

02:24:01.000 I either, because I got a home run once, and I was like, oh, that is so much better than getting a single.

02:24:06.000 You can suck dick for the rest of your life for singles.

02:24:10.000 I don't give a fuck about a single.

02:24:11.000 I felt bad if I got on bass, and I got a single.

02:24:14.000 Because I connected once, cock-a-rock!

02:24:18.000 I could hit pretty hard.

02:24:19.000 And that ball went fucking flying.

02:24:22.000 And it went into the stands, and I was like, oh, this is what it's about.

02:24:27.000 It's about doing that.

02:24:28.000 It's the only thing that's any good about this stupid fucking, that and catching balls.

02:24:32.000 So many cracks went out there and you catch it, that's pretty fun.

02:24:35.000 I could never even hit a ball.

02:24:37.000 Like, I never hit a ball in my life.

02:24:39.000 I used to bunt a strikeout or make an excuse.

02:24:42.000 Like, I was just terrible at baseball.

02:24:44.000 I just had no, nothing for it.

02:24:47.000 When I went to Miami, I used to go to Red Berries baseball camp in the summers, just for a week.

02:24:52.000 It was a week camp that you went to.

02:24:54.000 I didn't like it.

02:24:55.000 Basketball was my shit.

02:24:56.000 Yeah?

02:24:57.000 We good?

02:24:58.000 Real good.

02:24:59.000 Real fucking good.

02:25:00.000 Really?

02:25:00.000 Real good.

02:25:01.000 Went to five-star basketball camp with, uh-uh-uh.

02:25:05.000 Harvey Garfinkel.

02:25:06.000 Do you play anymore?

02:25:07.000 You ever fuck around?

02:25:08.000 My shoulders are so bad that, nah, my shoulders over the years that I can't do a jump shot.

02:25:15.000 But you're doing jujitsu.

02:25:15.000 Yeah, but I can't.

02:25:17.000 You can't get me an Americana.

02:25:19.000 Like, you can't.

02:25:19.000 I tell people, don't Americana me.

02:25:22.000 You could come more of me.

02:25:24.000 They're that bad?

02:25:25.000 Yeah.

02:25:25.000 Like, I have to go for physical therapy pretty soon.

02:25:27.000 Do you ever get them MRI'd?

02:25:29.000 I should, but by the, you know, listen, you gotta pick your battles in today's insurance world.

02:25:35.000 So, they're to the point where I could lift, I could go to kickboxing, you know, I could hold a microphone, I'm fine.

02:25:42.000 Right.

02:25:43.000 I'm fine for right now.

02:25:44.000 My left, my right knee is fucked up.

02:25:47.000 That's gonna have to do something soon, but for right now...

02:25:50.000 What's wrong with it?

02:25:51.000 It never fixed.

02:25:52.000 I think when I was doing physical therapy, I re-heard it after the surgery.

02:25:57.000 What kind of surgery did you get?

02:25:59.000 Meniscus, arthritis, that whole thing.

02:26:02.000 So I'll go back in there again and let it all cleaned up.

02:26:05.000 No, I love basketball.

02:26:06.000 But I also loved martial arts growing up.

02:26:08.000 I loved the whole thing of doing forms and practicing.

02:26:13.000 They can do some fucking tremendous shit with stem cells right now, Joey.

02:26:16.000 They could fix all your problems, I bet.

02:26:18.000 Fix your shoulders?

02:26:19.000 Yeah, my shoulders fixed.

02:26:22.000 They fixed it.

02:26:23.000 How flexible are you?

02:26:24.000 Let me see you grab your hands and do that shit where you go all the way back and you do all that shit.

02:26:30.000 Oh yeah, I can do everything.

02:26:33.000 Grab them and go over.

02:26:34.000 And you do that shit.

02:26:35.000 What do you mean?

02:26:36.000 Like, there's people who could grab them at my kickboxing place and go all the way over.

02:26:41.000 They couldn't believe...

02:26:41.000 Grab them and go all the way over?

02:26:42.000 What do you mean?

02:26:43.000 Yeah, like, they do something fucking different.

02:26:45.000 Like, I don't fucking...

02:26:47.000 Oh, you're saying, like, do this and go all the way back?

02:26:49.000 Oh, no, no, no.

02:26:50.000 I know what they do.

02:26:50.000 They take the broom.

02:26:51.000 Yeah.

02:26:52.000 And they go that way all the way back.

02:26:54.000 Yeah, I can do that.

02:26:55.000 I'm done.

02:26:55.000 You know what else is real good for you?

02:26:57.000 Hanging.

02:26:58.000 Just hanging.

02:26:58.000 Just grab ahold of the bar, chin-up bar, and just hang from it.

02:27:01.000 Super good for your shoulders.

02:27:03.000 Stretches them out.

02:27:04.000 Releases impingements.

02:27:05.000 It's good for the joint.

02:27:06.000 Okay.

02:27:07.000 Yeah.

02:27:07.000 Just go out there to my little gym area out here.

02:27:09.000 Just stretch out.

02:27:10.000 No, listen.

02:27:11.000 I never got the President's Award either because I couldn't do a pull-up.

02:27:16.000 You don't have to do a pull-up.

02:27:17.000 You understand me?

02:27:18.000 Pull-ups are great for jiu-jitsu, though.

02:27:19.000 You still, to this day, can't do one?

02:27:22.000 No?

02:27:23.000 Never do a pull-up.

02:27:24.000 Even when I was 180, lifting weights.

02:27:27.000 Really?

02:27:27.000 With strength guys.

02:27:29.000 You couldn't do a pull-up when you were 180?

02:27:31.000 That doesn't even make any sense.

02:27:32.000 I don't know what the fuck it was.

02:27:34.000 When I moved to Snowmass Village, my roommate was from Brown, and he had another brother, and they had another friend.

02:27:42.000 And they had trained under this guy named Ira Wolf, where I grew up.

02:27:45.000 Ira Wolf went to the Olympics to be a trainer.

02:27:48.000 And these, except for one guy, two of these guys are still alive.

02:27:51.000 And these guys did not believe in traditional lifting.

02:27:55.000 They believed in slow motion, heavy lifting.

02:27:59.000 Ten count on the way down and a ten count on the way up.

02:28:03.000 A lot of guys still believe in that.

02:28:04.000 And the strength doubles, like your strength doubles, like the strength is so, it's slow motion.

02:28:12.000 You know who's really into that?

02:28:13.000 Einstein.

02:28:14.000 You know Eddie's black belt, Scott Epstein?

02:28:15.000 Yeah.

02:28:16.000 He's really into slow-mo training.

02:28:18.000 He was always into that.

02:28:18.000 Slow motion.

02:28:18.000 Slow motion lifting.

02:28:20.000 Yeah.

02:28:20.000 These guys were really fucking into it.

02:28:24.000 And today, the one guy, we were talking a while ago, he has no injuries, all that.

02:28:31.000 They switched me.

02:28:33.000 When I was doing behind the necks, in front of the necks, they're like, you're wasting your time.

02:28:37.000 Just do squats, cleans.

02:28:40.000 What's the other one they do?

02:28:41.000 That gets your fucking traps ginormous.

02:28:46.000 Cleans and presses?

02:28:47.000 Just the first one.

02:28:48.000 Don't even press it.

02:28:50.000 Just the first clean.

02:28:51.000 Don't even press it.

02:28:53.000 All that shit.

02:28:54.000 Oh, cleans are tremendous.

02:28:55.000 Yeah, I love all that shit.

02:28:56.000 In fact, I went back to a straight bar.

02:28:58.000 I've been using a straight bar again lately.

02:29:00.000 Yeah?

02:29:00.000 Yeah, I like the straight bar.

02:29:01.000 I've been squatting.

02:29:03.000 You were doing kettlebell classes for a while too, right?

02:29:06.000 Weren't you?

02:29:06.000 Yeah, but the problem with the kettlebell is that If you read that guy's book or anything about Pavlov, he says that the kettlebells, I don't even know if that's his name.

02:29:16.000 Pavel.

02:29:17.000 Pavel Tatsulini.

02:29:18.000 It's supposed to be like a 20 to 18, 15 minute workout, kettlebells.

02:29:24.000 Yeah.

02:29:24.000 What they do is the new CrossFit community is taking kettlebells and you're just hurting people.

02:29:31.000 Kettlebells are done for you to feel good and to enhance a different workout.

02:29:34.000 Like when I do kettlebells, thank God for on it, I combine it with a club wall.

02:30:06.000 Mm-hmm.

02:30:09.000 Because they have all the weight on the end, and it helps pull that shoulder all the way the fuck down.

02:30:15.000 Like, for me to do anything, I've got to stretch my shoulder before and after really deep.

02:30:19.000 I've got to go against a wall.

02:30:20.000 I go underneath.

02:30:21.000 Remember the guy I brought on, Alberto Gazzini?

02:30:24.000 Galazzi.

02:30:25.000 Galazzi.

02:30:25.000 I do a lot of his little warm-ups.

02:30:27.000 Yeah, he's got great workouts.

02:30:28.000 Even right now...

02:30:31.000 On it's got that Kettlebell 6. Kettle 6 where it's a transformation.

02:30:35.000 They got some great stuff on it.

02:30:37.000 The guys send it to me at the beginning.

02:30:38.000 They call it something else instead of warm-up.

02:30:42.000 They call it something else.

02:30:43.000 The guy's name is not Josh Wolfe.

02:30:45.000 John Wolfe?

02:30:46.000 John Wolfe.

02:30:47.000 John Wolfe.

02:30:47.000 Good guy.

02:30:47.000 He's fantastic.

02:30:48.000 Fantastic.

02:30:49.000 The thing about clubs is that they're not that heavy, but they're odd.

02:30:53.000 So you're holding on to the end of it, but the weight is at the other end.

02:30:57.000 And it's this long thing, so it's very awkward.

02:31:00.000 And you could get a really good workout with 15 pounds.

02:31:03.000 I mean, you really can.

02:31:04.000 That's all I use, 15 and 10. I got a 5 from Onnit to break my wrist.

02:31:09.000 You get a five and you really can really break the fascia on your wrist with the five.

02:31:14.000 They have an exercise that you go over and twist.

02:31:17.000 We got a full set of them out here if you don't want to use them.

02:31:18.000 Tremendous, tremendous, tremendous.

02:31:20.000 So that's what I was doing wrong.

02:31:22.000 The kettlebell class, why am I swinging the gorilla?

02:31:26.000 Why am I swinging the fucking gorilla?

02:31:28.000 Why are you swinging the gorilla?

02:31:29.000 I don't know.

02:31:30.000 And then you turned me on to Steve Maxwell's 35 pounds.

02:31:33.000 So now I do 35 and 44 pounds.

02:31:36.000 I love Steve Maxwell stuff.

02:31:38.000 So I keep Steve Maxwell.

02:31:40.000 And then you were the one I called you at the last Dilemma.

02:31:43.000 And you were like...

02:31:44.000 Well, let's do it.

02:31:45.000 So now I do three, three, and three, and I'm out of there.

02:31:48.000 Oh, yeah.

02:31:48.000 I do three Turkish get-ups, three fucking sets of cleans, and three swings.

02:31:54.000 Just do it a few days a week.

02:31:55.000 Yeah.

02:31:56.000 Listen, if I'm on the road, most hotels now have kettlebells.

02:32:00.000 Really?

02:32:00.000 Most hotels are starting to come around.

02:32:02.000 I go to a hotel, I check, and I go up, I roll a joint.

02:32:05.000 I go downstairs, I smoke, and on the way back, I check by the gym.

02:32:08.000 If I see kettlebells, I'm very happy.

02:32:10.000 But I keep it to that.

02:32:12.000 Three, three, and three.

02:32:13.000 Because over 50, it should just be three days a week.

02:32:16.000 It takes a lot for you to recuperate.

02:32:18.000 Well, it's also that you can get in more reps over the week.

02:32:22.000 That's really what you want.

02:32:24.000 If you do a lot of reps in one day, the problem is you're destroyed afterwards.

02:32:27.000 But if you do the same amount of reps over the course of five days, just do shorter workouts and do many of them, you don't ever get destroyed.

02:32:34.000 Your body's fine.

02:32:35.000 You do all the other things you do, too.

02:32:38.000 And I think you become more consistent with it.

02:32:41.000 You don't get worried about getting destroyed.

02:32:44.000 I do two kickboxing with high conditionings.

02:32:47.000 Two jiu-jitsu.

02:32:48.000 You know what my jiu-jitsu incorporates?

02:32:49.000 My jiu-jitsu incorporates the class, doing the technique, and three five-minute rows.

02:32:55.000 After that, I get up and walk away, because anything after that is defeating the purpose.

02:32:59.000 Right.

02:33:01.000 I hit the Novathor bed twice a week, especially on Sundays.

02:33:04.000 The what?

02:33:05.000 The Novathor bed.

02:33:06.000 What is that?

02:33:06.000 The Novathor bed is the one I told you about the last time.

02:33:09.000 I think they sent you some information because we were discussing it last time.

02:33:12.000 It's the red light therapy.

02:33:14.000 Oh, okay, yeah.

02:33:14.000 I get in the Novathor bed twice a week.

02:33:16.000 Are you saying it right?

02:33:18.000 Novathor, yes.

02:33:19.000 Novathor?

02:33:20.000 Bed, look it up.

02:33:21.000 Okay.

02:33:21.000 I go to Novathor bed twice a week, especially on Sundays to take all the oxidation out.

02:33:26.000 That thing right there?

02:33:27.000 Yes.

02:33:28.000 Thinner, fitter, healthier, happier.

02:33:29.000 And then I go into cryotherapy.

02:33:33.000 Two or three times a week.

02:33:35.000 So what I did was I shortened my workout and I could do it more often.

02:33:39.000 Me going to a jiu-jitsu class and fighting Eddie to the death does nothing for me.

02:33:45.000 I'm not going to improve.

02:33:46.000 And I'm not going to do that because I'm not going to be able to roll for three or four more days now.

02:33:50.000 Yeah, that's the thing is recovery.

02:33:53.000 I really went online and read after 50. And number one, you've got to over 50 strength.

02:34:01.000 Strength.

02:34:01.000 Oh, God.

02:34:02.000 Yeah, you have to.

02:34:03.000 Because that sarcopenia will fucking kill you, and that's when you start getting hunchy and we all become our grandfather.

02:34:09.000 Cool.

02:34:09.000 And when you do stand-up, you just gotta be stronger.

02:34:14.000 So I went back, I meet these guys twice a week, and we pack it on.

02:34:19.000 I don't even know what you put on there, because it gives me anxiety.

02:34:22.000 And we open up with a squat to really get the system into a fucking frenzy.

02:34:27.000 There's no jumping jacks, there's no bench.

02:34:30.000 You warm up first?

02:34:32.000 I do a little warm-up, and the first two sets, I see the fucking devil.

02:34:37.000 It's on a stopwatch.

02:34:39.000 There's no sets.

02:34:41.000 It's on a stopwatch.

02:34:42.000 What do you mean?

02:34:43.000 So he'll go four hours, four minutes, go.

02:34:46.000 So four minutes of squatting?

02:34:47.000 I'm squatting.

02:34:48.000 Four straight minutes?

02:34:50.000 Three minutes of squatting.

02:34:50.000 That's a lot of time, squatting.

02:34:52.000 But it's ten seconds up, ten seconds back.

02:34:54.000 The last two, I'm fucking, I'm seeing the devil.

02:34:58.000 I'm thinking about getting a heart attack, the whole thing.

02:35:00.000 And then right from there, I go to a pull-down machine.

02:35:03.000 Right from there, I go to a back twister.

02:35:06.000 It's really weird how he does it, but I'm out of there in 22 minutes.

02:35:10.000 That's a good workout.

02:35:11.000 22 minutes.

02:35:12.000 Physical strain, lifting some weights, getting that bone density, tightening up all the muscle groups.

02:35:19.000 And the maluk stick works.

02:35:21.000 That's the most important thing.

02:35:23.000 I don't end up on NBC doing commercials for ED commercials.

02:35:27.000 You don't want ED, you got to get the maluk stick.

02:35:30.000 And that's from lifting weights?

02:35:31.000 Bro, since day one.

02:35:33.000 I don't care what anybody tells you.

02:35:35.000 Give me an old guy that's doing...

02:35:37.000 Lifting a little lightweight three days a week, he's doing it for his maluk stick.

02:35:42.000 All that shit they sell.

02:35:44.000 What is it, GNC with Frank Thomas?

02:35:47.000 All right.

02:35:47.000 And it's good for your lady, too.

02:35:49.000 That shit don't work.

02:35:50.000 Those Frank Thomas are a bunch of thirsty white people hanging out with him.

02:35:53.000 Oh, those commercials are the worst.

02:35:54.000 We've played those commercials 30 times.

02:35:56.000 Hey, Frank, how are you?

02:35:57.000 I'm fine.

02:35:58.000 With all these ladies going, I wish you would do that, Mike.

02:36:00.000 Yeah.

02:36:01.000 And meanwhile, Frank's a fat fuck.

02:36:03.000 He's a little overweight and shit.

02:36:06.000 I'm doing this.

02:36:07.000 That GNC shit don't work.

02:36:09.000 You want to keep the maluk stick up?

02:36:10.000 Oatmeal?

02:36:11.000 They did a study on this.

02:36:13.000 I did a study.

02:36:14.000 I did an independent study to see what works the most.

02:36:17.000 Oatmeal with coconut milk in that motherfucker and some deadlifts and some squats.

02:36:22.000 You'll be stabbing people till you're 90. For sure those things elevate testosterone and increase your hormone levels.

02:36:28.000 That's for sure.

02:36:29.000 Deadlifts and squats are the kings of exercise.

02:36:32.000 Those are so important because they work your whole chain.

02:36:34.000 They work everything.

02:36:35.000 Dolce loves the fucking deadlift.

02:36:38.000 Dolce, me and him.

02:36:39.000 Everybody does.

02:36:40.000 After I read his book, that's when I really...

02:36:42.000 I went to the Y one day, and I started light.

02:36:46.000 I got a coach the first time to go over the basics with me.

02:36:49.000 And then like three weeks later, I thought I was Mike Dolce, and I went in there and did a setter.

02:36:53.000 A five deadlift, bro.

02:36:55.000 I could feel it in my central nervous system.

02:36:58.000 Like, it really does hit your central.

02:37:00.000 Like, you just feel like this fucking weird feeling.

02:37:03.000 Well, your body realizes, oh, Jesus, this crazy fuck, it needs us to lift weights.

02:37:07.000 It needs us to carry heavy things all the time, so your body just gets stronger.

02:37:11.000 And there's only one way to get stronger.

02:37:13.000 Your body's got to increase testosterone.

02:37:14.000 It's got to rebuild all that tissue that you're breaking down.

02:37:17.000 What place are you in right now, brother?

02:37:19.000 You're in first place in this contest.

02:37:22.000 If I wasn't in first place, I'd jump off a fucking building.

02:37:25.000 How sorry, number two?

02:37:27.000 I'm disturbed that they thought they were going to win.

02:37:30.000 I'm ahead by like 2,000 points.

02:37:33.000 I'll tell you right now.

02:37:35.000 What are the rankings at right now?

02:37:36.000 I mean, obviously, out of all these guys, I'm the one who's been working out all the time.

02:37:40.000 Obviously, I've been working out my whole life.

02:37:43.000 So I have 10,139.

02:37:46.000 Ari's in second place with 8,299.

02:37:50.000 Yeah.

02:37:51.000 Tommy Bunz in third place.

02:37:53.000 Tommy has just recently banged out another 100. So he's 8,259.

02:37:58.000 And Burt is strong in last place.

02:38:03.000 Strong, talking all kinds of mad shit, and he's more than 2,000 points behind me, that slob.

02:38:11.000 And I haven't even worked out today.

02:38:12.000 And when I work out today, they're all gonna quit.

02:38:15.000 I'm going today, even though I'm 2,000 points ahead, I'm going to go for six hours.

02:38:19.000 Today is a day of death.

02:38:21.000 I've gotten as many as 1,000 points in a day.

02:38:25.000 No one has even gotten close to that.

02:38:27.000 You just got to fucking keep going.

02:38:29.000 The thing is, when you're exhausted, you go, I can't do this anymore.

02:38:32.000 Yes, you can.

02:38:33.000 What do you do for six hours?

02:38:34.000 20 minutes.

02:38:35.000 I do a variety of different things.

02:38:38.000 First, I take the dog.

02:38:39.000 I run the hills with the dog for a good hour.

02:38:42.000 I do about two miles in the hills with the dog.

02:38:45.000 So he's exhausted.

02:38:46.000 Otherwise, he's a puppy.

02:38:48.000 He's two years old.

02:38:48.000 He's a pain in the ass if he's not worn out.

02:38:51.000 So I wear his little ass out.

02:38:52.000 So we run for two miles, which is in the hills.

02:38:57.000 These are pretty fucking steep hills.

02:38:58.000 It turns out to be about 40 minutes-ish.

02:39:01.000 45 minutes.

02:39:02.000 Close to an hour.

02:39:02.000 Get back.

02:39:04.000 Stretch out a little.

02:39:04.000 And then I decide what else I want to do.

02:39:07.000 Yesterday, it was kickboxing.

02:39:09.000 So I hit the bag for another hour and a half.

02:39:13.000 I turned on some old fights in the gym and just fucking went to town.

02:39:17.000 Put on the ringside timer, so it's giving me rounds.

02:39:20.000 And the ringside timer gives me 30 seconds, too.

02:39:24.000 So I go 30 seconds hard, 30 seconds not so hard, 30 seconds hard, 30 seconds not so hard, one minute break, drink some water.

02:39:32.000 No, no, no.

02:39:32.000 No shin guards.

02:39:33.000 No.

02:39:34.000 To really kick the shit out of that fucking bag hard.

02:39:37.000 Oh my god.

02:39:39.000 I'm fucking my shins up.

02:39:41.000 I went to kickboxing class and I fucked up one of my fungi toes.

02:39:45.000 It just blew up.

02:39:46.000 It just blew up and blood started coming out.

02:39:48.000 I went home later on and said, what the fuck?

02:39:50.000 I did nothing.

02:39:51.000 My toe nails are cut.

02:39:52.000 If you slam your shin into a bag for an hour and a half of full blast, some tissue's going to break down.

02:39:59.000 Right now, everything's sore.

02:40:01.000 My ankles are sore.

02:40:02.000 My knees are sore.

02:40:04.000 My lower back is sore.

02:40:05.000 I went whole ham yesterday.

02:40:08.000 But that wasn't a big day for me.

02:40:11.000 Yesterday was like 430-something points.

02:40:14.000 That's a big day for some guys.

02:40:16.000 The most I've ever worked out is I did six and a half hours, and I got a thousand points.

02:40:22.000 I did five and a half hours, I got 900 points, and then I did another hour just to sort of, like, at the end of the day, just to loosen everything up.

02:40:32.000 I just hit the bag for an hour.

02:40:35.000 Because Bert was talking so much shit.

02:40:37.000 I was like, where am I going to put the belt?

02:40:40.000 Everything Joe does, I'm going to double.

02:40:43.000 Okay.

02:40:44.000 Okay.

02:40:45.000 We'll see.

02:40:46.000 We'll see.

02:40:48.000 He went hiking with Ari and was quitting while he was hiking.

02:40:52.000 Hiking is walking!

02:40:54.000 It's walking!

02:40:56.000 These guys are walking and they're getting tired.

02:40:58.000 And he's talking about beating me in a fitness contest.

02:41:00.000 It's outrageous.

02:41:02.000 Plus, he's enormously overweight.

02:41:04.000 The one who's the real issue is Ari.

02:41:07.000 Ari's a sneaky fuck.

02:41:08.000 Ari might try to pull it out.

02:41:10.000 Even though he's 2,000 points behind, he might try to murder himself over the next two days, get to 2,000 points, and then put another 1,000 in to beat me on the third day.

02:41:19.000 He literally might try to do that.

02:41:21.000 But I'm not going to let him.

02:41:25.000 We're here.

02:41:26.000 We're queer.

02:41:26.000 That's it.

02:41:27.000 They're fighting for second place.

02:41:29.000 Good luck, boys.

02:41:30.000 I let them get close up until a while ago.

02:41:34.000 Up until about a week and a half ago, and then I just turned it on.

02:41:38.000 I'm like, okay, here we go.

02:41:39.000 I had a plan.

02:41:40.000 My plan was to get, you know, first of all, I was not doing this much cardio before.

02:41:47.000 So we're 29 days in.

02:41:49.000 What is today?

02:41:50.000 29?

02:41:51.000 29. 29. 29 days in, I've taken four days off.

02:41:56.000 I took three days off because I went to Vegas with my family when I went with the UFC. I said, we're going to go on Thursday.

02:42:01.000 We're going to stay until Sunday.

02:42:02.000 I'm not going to work out.

02:42:02.000 Just go have a good time.

02:42:04.000 Relax.

02:42:04.000 See if these guys catch up.

02:42:05.000 So they caught up to me.

02:42:06.000 And that's when Burt posted, oh, Rogan's in last place.

02:42:10.000 I really hadn't even worked out.

02:42:12.000 And so I said, okay, I'm done with that.

02:42:14.000 Now it's time to kick it into full gear.

02:42:17.000 And then when I kicked it into full gear, I'm steady every day, three hours a day, three and a half hours a day.

02:42:23.000 Four hours a day sometimes.

02:42:25.000 Sometimes two and a half hours in the morning, two and a half hours at night.

02:42:28.000 Just 600 points a day, 700 points a day, 800 points a day.

02:42:33.000 Whatever I gotta do.

02:42:34.000 Just to stay way ahead.

02:42:36.000 And my goal was so the last few days to be so far ahead that they're fucked and they're all just scratching and clawing for second place.

02:42:46.000 What's the stuff this year?

02:42:49.000 You don't get anything.

02:42:50.000 I wanted the loser to have to drink a goblet of everybody else's piss.

02:42:54.000 That's what I wanted.

02:42:55.000 Because I wanted Bert to drink piss.

02:42:57.000 I feel like Bert has to lose this.

02:43:00.000 I don't see how Tom's going to...

02:43:01.000 Tom was sick.

02:43:02.000 He was sick as a dog on antibiotics for like five days.

02:43:06.000 Came back in one day and he ran 13 motherfucking miles for 600 points.

02:43:11.000 Jesus.

02:43:11.000 Yeah!

02:43:12.000 Yeah!

02:43:13.000 Ran around the neighborhood.

02:43:14.000 Thirteen fucking miles.

02:43:16.000 The dude ran for three and a half hours.

02:43:19.000 Just ran.

02:43:21.000 Doesn't want to lose.

02:43:22.000 And doesn't want to lose to Burt.

02:43:23.000 Even if he only comes in third place.

02:43:26.000 As long as he's not Burt.

02:43:28.000 As long as he beats Burt.

02:43:30.000 That's where everybody's at.

02:43:31.000 Because Burt talks so much shit.

02:43:32.000 Everybody just wants to make sure that Burt loses.

02:43:34.000 He's got the DiMaggio gene.

02:43:36.000 Oh, I've got the Mickey Mantle gene.

02:43:37.000 Mickey Mantle gene.

02:43:38.000 He thinks he can just half-ass his way through something that's an actual competition.

02:43:43.000 Because he's just...

02:43:44.000 Look, he can push himself.

02:43:46.000 But there's a big difference between pushing yourself and pushing yourself for a whole month.

02:43:51.000 That's where he's falling apart.

02:43:52.000 And he's been talking so much shit that we're all laughing at him.

02:43:56.000 So yesterday, we're all...

02:43:58.000 Everybody was going out.

02:43:59.000 Is it today?

02:43:59.000 This was a couple hours of yesterday.

02:44:01.000 I'm out here jogging.

02:44:02.000 Look at his tits bouncing.

02:44:05.000 What'd he say?

02:44:06.000 He's sandbagging?

02:44:07.000 He said Ari and Tom are sandbagging.

02:44:08.000 And my headset's in.

02:44:10.000 Sorry if I sound super aggressive.

02:44:11.000 I still love them, but...

02:44:12.000 Man...

02:44:16.000 Sandbaggers, bro.

02:44:18.000 Sandbaggers.

02:44:18.000 What does that mean?

02:44:20.000 He said Ari like held on to his stats for like a week before he turned him in.

02:44:24.000 He did.

02:44:24.000 He said Tom was lying about being sick.

02:44:26.000 No, no, no, Ari held on to his stats and he's allowed to do that.

02:44:30.000 Look, we're not supposed to do that.

02:44:32.000 You're supposed to...

02:44:32.000 Look, the manly thing to do is to put it all on the table and make everybody try to fucking keep up.

02:44:38.000 That's the manly thing to do.

02:44:39.000 But Ari is obviously a sneaky fuck.

02:44:43.000 Right?

02:44:43.000 And he obviously is also the one who worked out the least out of all of us.

02:44:47.000 So he at one point in time stored up a thousand points and had them on his device and then released him and Bert went fucking crazy.

02:44:55.000 You fuck!

02:44:57.000 Ooh!

02:44:58.000 Because Bert thought he was ahead of Ari and then all of a sudden Ari shot ahead of him.

02:45:01.000 That's how it works.

02:45:03.000 This is a competition.

02:45:04.000 It's a fight for last right now, right?

02:45:06.000 Between them.

02:45:07.000 It's a fight for last.

02:45:08.000 He's going to lose that fight.

02:45:10.000 He's going to be last.

02:45:12.000 Tom's going to work out today.

02:45:14.000 I told you, Tom got 600 fucking points yesterday.

02:45:18.000 Oh, they're fighting.

02:45:19.000 They're fighting in a group text.

02:45:21.000 Let me see what's going on here.

02:45:22.000 Oh my god, it's long.

02:45:23.000 It's very long.

02:45:25.000 Oh boy, there's a lot.

02:45:26.000 There's a lot of fighting.

02:45:28.000 Bert's very angry.

02:45:30.000 Very, very, very angry.

02:45:32.000 He's very angry because he realizes he's going to come in last.

02:45:35.000 Because he was saying yesterday, here's what's hilarious.

02:45:38.000 He goes, and you're barely winning.

02:45:41.000 I go, Bert, I'm ahead of you.

02:45:42.000 Yesterday was 2,300 points.

02:45:45.000 I go, do you have any idea what the fuck you would be saying if you were ahead by 2,300 points?

02:45:49.000 And he goes, I'd be respectful, and I'd be...

02:45:51.000 I'd be...

02:45:54.000 Like, you fucking liar, man.

02:45:56.000 You can make a t-shirt about it, probably.

02:45:57.000 You fucking liar.

02:45:58.000 Look, this, you know, this is a rigged game.

02:46:05.000 If I don't get hurt, it's a rigged game.

02:46:09.000 That's just what it is.

02:46:10.000 Now, anybody drink?

02:46:11.000 Anybody smoke?

02:46:11.000 Anybody got caught drinking or smoking?

02:46:13.000 Nothing?

02:46:14.000 Don't you think that Bert's drinking?

02:46:16.000 Didn't you say you looked at you funny?

02:46:18.000 Alright.

02:46:18.000 Let me tell you the fucking story.

02:46:21.000 And you tell me what you think.

02:46:22.000 Okay.

02:46:23.000 Because this was the fucked up thing.

02:46:25.000 My feelings were even hurt.

02:46:27.000 Every Wednesday I go to pizza after karate with Mercy.

02:46:31.000 We go eat pizza.

02:46:33.000 And we're sitting there.

02:46:34.000 It's the neighborhood pizza joint.

02:46:36.000 We're sitting there.

02:46:37.000 And I look at my wife and I go, isn't that Bert?

02:46:41.000 And it's a dude walking through the neighborhood just like Bert with a hat on.

02:46:45.000 I put my pizza down and go out and I go, hey, cocksucker, I see that you're drinking because it looked like he had a six-pack or whatever holding it.

02:46:53.000 And he turned around, waved at me, and kept walking.

02:46:57.000 This is Bert Kreischer.

02:46:59.000 Right?

02:47:00.000 This is Bert Kreischer.

02:47:01.000 This is a guy that, you know, I figured he'd come back and talk to me.

02:47:05.000 So the next day, Lee tells me, I tell Lee that.

02:47:08.000 I go, yeah, I saw Bert today and yelled at him.

02:47:10.000 He didn't come and talk to me.

02:47:12.000 Lee puts down...

02:47:13.000 Lee tells me that Burt put down a tweet that one of his fans yelled at him.

02:47:18.000 Yeah, as I say, he saw someone.

02:47:19.000 He didn't know who it was.

02:47:20.000 And he didn't know who it was.

02:47:22.000 And he kept walking.

02:47:23.000 He knew who the fuck it...

02:47:24.000 Dog, if I yell at you, you'll know it's fucking me if I say cocksucker at the end of the speech.

02:47:29.000 You know it's me.

02:47:30.000 Look what else Burt does.

02:47:31.000 First of all, Burt knows he's behind a staggering amount.

02:47:35.000 He put in the most bitch-ass workout today.

02:47:38.000 He got...

02:47:40.000 What is this?

02:47:41.000 149 points?

02:47:43.000 That is not enough!

02:47:46.000 He worked out for an hour and 50 minutes.

02:47:48.000 He got 149 points.

02:47:49.000 Because look at the end.

02:47:51.000 See the end, all those grays?

02:47:52.000 Maybe it stayed on or something.

02:47:54.000 No, no.

02:47:54.000 He kept his strap on.

02:47:56.000 He worked out.

02:47:57.000 It says an hour and 40 minutes.

02:47:58.000 He worked out for 40 minutes, and he kept his strap on for an hour.

02:48:01.000 Trying to get some extra.

02:48:02.000 Yeah, because he's dying.

02:48:03.000 So his heart's elevated.

02:48:05.000 So you get some points for having an elevated heart.

02:48:08.000 But look at this.

02:48:09.000 All this gray shit at the end.

02:48:10.000 See, folks?

02:48:12.000 See all this?

02:48:13.000 I can barely see it.

02:48:14.000 I can see it.

02:48:16.000 Here, let me do something here.

02:48:19.000 I'll show people here.

02:48:21.000 All this nonsense...

02:48:23.000 Well, it's not going to work.

02:48:26.000 You get...

02:48:28.000 For 80% of your heart rate, you get yellow.

02:48:32.000 For 90% of your max heart rate, you get red.

02:48:35.000 I tried to go all red the first day.

02:48:38.000 I'm like, I'm just going to kill them.

02:48:39.000 I'm just going to sprint for half an hour and just make these guys catch up.

02:48:44.000 There's no way they catch up.

02:48:45.000 Then Ari, in his fucking ingenious and devious ways, found out that you get just as many points for 80% as you get for 90%.

02:48:52.000 We figured so that they avoid lawsuits.

02:48:56.000 So he said, okay.

02:48:57.000 So it seems like the sweet spot is in 80%.

02:48:59.000 So just stick to 80%.

02:49:01.000 So you can do that, or you can be like Bert, and Bert barely gets to 70%, mostly stays in the 60% range, which is gray, and then 80%, which is, well, 60% It's like there's 50,

02:49:18.000 60, and 70. And 70's green.

02:49:22.000 No.

02:49:23.000 Yeah.

02:49:23.000 70's green.

02:49:25.000 And then blue is 60. So he's mostly blue.

02:49:29.000 60% of his masked heart rate.

02:49:30.000 Which, by the way, I might be at right now.

02:49:33.000 Because I'm getting angry.

02:49:34.000 So if you got mad, you'd be in, like, the blue.

02:49:37.000 And you get two points a minute for the blue.

02:49:40.000 You get four points a minute for the yellow.

02:49:41.000 There it goes.

02:49:42.000 See, 60% to 70%, you get blue.

02:49:46.000 Bert is almost all gray and blue.

02:49:49.000 And if you look at this fucking slobbery workout he's got, look at all that shit.

02:49:54.000 It's 60% and lower most of his workout.

02:49:58.000 So that means most of the workout that he did for an hour and 49 minutes is him with a fucking thing on just sitting around.

02:50:06.000 It's an hour and 30 minutes.

02:50:07.000 So most of it is him with the thing on just sitting there being fat.

02:50:12.000 That's all it is!

02:50:13.000 Now, let me ask you this.

02:50:14.000 What is this called?

02:50:15.000 Because I like to go on this.

02:50:16.000 It's called MyZone Fitness Tracker.

02:50:19.000 This is the thing.

02:50:20.000 And you put it on your chest?

02:50:21.000 Yes.

02:50:22.000 Once I snap this in, it'll start measuring my heart rate.

02:50:25.000 And I'm going to put it on when I get out of here.

02:50:27.000 I'm going to start working out.

02:50:29.000 And today, these are the three days of death.

02:50:32.000 Today's Monday.

02:50:33.000 Tomorrow's Tuesday.

02:50:34.000 And Wednesday, we go crazy, Joey Diaz.

02:50:38.000 Wednesday, I work out to 11.59.

02:50:41.000 And then at 11.59, I pop that off, and I walk away.

02:50:46.000 At 11.59.

02:50:48.000 And then I go have a glass of wine, because it hits midnight.

02:50:51.000 No weight qualifications on?

02:50:53.000 There's nothing.

02:50:54.000 Nobody will lose weight.

02:50:55.000 No, there's no losing weight.

02:50:56.000 I probably fucking gained weight.

02:50:58.000 I haven't lost any weight.

02:50:59.000 I've eaten everything that moves.

02:51:02.000 I've put in zero dietary restrictions.

02:51:04.000 I ate a whole carrot cake the other day.

02:51:06.000 The amount of calories that I'm burning is fucking insane.

02:51:10.000 I'll give you, for instance, on a day, like a good calorie day, in terms of how much...

02:51:17.000 Like yesterday, one workout, 2,214 calories.

02:51:22.000 One workout.

02:51:23.000 Three hours, 25 minutes.

02:51:25.000 And then the day before that, 1,930 calories.

02:51:29.000 The day before that, there was two workouts.

02:51:32.000 One was 1,876 calories.

02:51:37.000 One was 2,210 calories.

02:51:40.000 I mean, this insane amount of calories.

02:51:43.000 One workout I had was 4,900 calories.

02:51:46.000 And what's that entail?

02:51:47.000 Like when you get your heart up to 80, is that the running?

02:51:50.000 Yeah.

02:51:50.000 Or the lifting.

02:51:51.000 I can't just do one thing.

02:51:53.000 I go crazy.

02:51:53.000 Right.

02:51:53.000 Okay.

02:51:54.000 I'll get bored.

02:51:55.000 All right.

02:51:55.000 So I lift, but the lift doesn't give me much.

02:51:58.000 Lift is like blue and green.

02:51:59.000 That's all you ever get from lifting.

02:52:01.000 And that's swings or?

02:52:03.000 Chin-ups, presses, cleans and presses, windmills, clean press squats, renegade rows.

02:52:12.000 All kettlebells.

02:52:13.000 All kettlebells.

02:52:14.000 Okay.

02:52:15.000 So the lifting doesn't give you much.

02:52:17.000 Doesn't give you much.

02:52:18.000 How would jiu-jitsu fare?

02:52:20.000 Jiu-jitsu would probably be pretty good, but this thing would get in the way.

02:52:23.000 If anybody mounted you, it would crack.

02:52:25.000 This thing would crack.

02:52:27.000 If you lost this, oh my god, it would be death.

02:52:30.000 I could break this with my finger.

02:52:32.000 I'm pretty sure I could break this.

02:52:33.000 Muay Thai burns a lot.

02:52:35.000 Yes.

02:52:36.000 That's the number one.

02:52:37.000 I did an hour and a half of hitting that bag yesterday.

02:52:39.000 You know, because I have the gym at home, so I went fucking hog on the...

02:52:43.000 I put fights on.

02:52:44.000 Once I put fights on, I get fired up.

02:52:46.000 Yeah.

02:52:47.000 Just start fucking wailing on that bag and keeping the party going.

02:52:51.000 But, see, if I got cocky right now, these fucks could catch me.

02:52:57.000 Especially Ari.

02:52:58.000 Because he's probably going to sandbag some more and hide his numbers.

02:53:02.000 Because he just wants to beat Burt.

02:53:03.000 Because he got super pissed at Tom.

02:53:05.000 He's like, what the fuck, Tom?

02:53:07.000 Because Tom put up all those points yesterday.

02:53:09.000 600 points in a day is a lot of points.

02:53:11.000 But like I said, the dude ran.

02:53:13.000 Like, I'll tell you what he did.

02:53:15.000 He ran 13 fucking miles in his neighborhood, and this is after being sick, but he's feeling it today.

02:53:22.000 Yeah, today he gets 145 points.

02:53:25.000 That's not good.

02:53:26.000 You're not going to win with that.

02:53:28.000 See, they're not trying to win.

02:53:30.000 They're trying to beat Burt.

02:53:31.000 I know that Burt went to cryotherapy.

02:53:32.000 Everybody's just trying to beat Burt.

02:53:33.000 I know that one day he was at U.S. cryotherapy because I went over there and they're like, Burt just left here.

02:53:39.000 So I knew he was doing something, but I know he hasn't been going consistently.

02:53:43.000 Bert doesn't do anything consistently, but he doesn't watch his diet either.

02:53:47.000 That's the problem with Bert.

02:53:48.000 He's not watching his diet.

02:53:50.000 He's not eating well.

02:53:50.000 Bert's not an eater.

02:53:52.000 It's the booze, dog.

02:53:53.000 That sugar's a motherfucker.

02:53:55.000 It is.

02:53:55.000 That shit turns into sugar at night.

02:53:57.000 Beers will kill you.

02:53:59.000 You know what else kills you?

02:54:00.000 Acai bowls.

02:54:01.000 Yeah.

02:54:01.000 People think that there's a ton of shit that fucking kills you.

02:54:05.000 Acai bowls.

02:54:06.000 Yeah, just stick to an apple and a banana.

02:54:08.000 I try.

02:54:09.000 I love acai bowls, though.

02:54:10.000 They make them at my house with chia seeds and juju, goji berries.

02:54:15.000 When I'm in the middle of these brutal workouts, I'll drink a whole soda.

02:54:18.000 Really?

02:54:19.000 I drank a cream soda yesterday.

02:54:21.000 In the middle of a workout, I needed sugar.

02:54:23.000 I needed it.

02:54:24.000 How do you know you need it?

02:54:25.000 Because I felt like I needed it.

02:54:26.000 I was fucking...

02:54:28.000 I'm burning up so many calories.

02:54:30.000 And my blood sugar is crashing so hard.

02:54:34.000 I'm eating fruit.

02:54:36.000 The one day that I worked out where I did five and a half hours, I was eating boxes of animal crackers.

02:54:42.000 I was eating everything I could.

02:54:44.000 What I do is what you told me to do.

02:54:46.000 When I get home from Thai or lifting and I make a protein shake, I put, I swear to God, I take the Hershey's syrup.

02:54:55.000 You told me just to put a little bit.

02:54:58.000 And I just go, tick.

02:54:59.000 Not even, I mean, a second of it.

02:55:03.000 And with the Mexican chocolate, it works perfect.

02:55:06.000 It tastes like fucking, you know.

02:55:07.000 So I do that with the protein drinks.

02:55:09.000 But I try to avoid sugar.

02:55:11.000 Nothing no more.

02:55:13.000 Yeah, you definitely should avoid sugar.

02:55:14.000 But see, what's happening with these workouts is you're dealing with an extreme loss of electrolytes, an extreme loss of glucose.

02:55:23.000 I mean, I'm putting salt in all my water.

02:55:26.000 I'm drinking...

02:55:28.000 A bunch of these Nalgene, you know what a Nalgene bottle is?

02:55:31.000 Like with a twist top, it's a thick, heavy plastic, 32-ounce bottle of water.

02:55:36.000 I'm drinking three and four of those in a workout.

02:55:39.000 In those, I'm putting electrolytes, and then I'm putting sprinkles of Himalayan salt.

02:55:45.000 So I'm putting like a little, like a half a teaspoon of Himalayan salt in each one of them, shaking it up.

02:55:51.000 Because I am losing insane amounts of water.

02:55:53.000 I sweat so hard, I set off the fucking alarm.

02:55:56.000 I set off my fire alarm in my gym from sweat, from my steam.

02:56:01.000 The whole room was like a shower from me steaming.

02:56:05.000 And I put it up on Instagram.

02:56:07.000 This is the kind of workout I'm doing.

02:56:10.000 I mean, I'm pushing hard.

02:56:12.000 Because they're not making it easy.

02:56:14.000 These guys are actually doing it.

02:56:28.000 That's legit.

02:56:29.000 Those puddles on the ground, that's not for me pissing my pants.

02:56:32.000 That's all sweat.

02:56:34.000 So I'm sweating so much because I'm staying in the 80% of your max heart rate range for hours.

02:56:45.000 I'm staying there for hours.

02:56:47.000 So my thought was, there's no way they can do that.

02:56:51.000 They're not going to do that.

02:56:52.000 There's no way.

02:56:54.000 They're not going to do that for five hours.

02:56:56.000 They're just not.

02:56:57.000 So if I did one day like that, I felt like one day where I got 935 points in one workout and then another 100 points afterwards.

02:57:07.000 I'm like, one day like that will separate me from the pack.

02:57:11.000 Just one day.

02:57:12.000 Just put fear.

02:57:12.000 I'm going to ask you something.

02:57:13.000 Fear in there.

02:57:14.000 Let me just ask you something.

02:57:15.000 Just to be fair to everybody here.

02:57:18.000 What about some of the stuff you do?

02:57:20.000 Doesn't that kind of...

02:57:22.000 You mean like testosterone?

02:57:23.000 Yeah.

02:57:24.000 100% helps.

02:57:25.000 I told them, too.

02:57:26.000 I told them this is a fucking...

02:57:28.000 You should have made them shoot shit.

02:57:30.000 All those motherfuckers.

02:57:31.000 I gave them my doctor's information.

02:57:33.000 I told them what they should do.

02:57:35.000 Look, I'm also at least eight years older than all of them.

02:57:38.000 All of them, right.

02:57:39.000 How old's Ari?

02:57:41.000 41. 41. I'm 51. Yeah.

02:57:45.000 I'm older than all of them.

02:57:46.000 Yeah, but the testosterone.

02:57:48.000 I gotta get USADA on this one.

02:57:50.000 Oh yeah, you should.

02:57:51.000 I'm failing all those tests.

02:57:54.000 Yeah, testosterone replacement therapy, hormone replacement therapy, I started doing all that when I was 40. So that's their age.

02:58:03.000 Yeah, it makes a big difference.

02:58:05.000 Makes a big difference.

02:58:06.000 Fuck yeah.

02:58:07.000 Look, listen, everybody.

02:58:09.000 Everybody listen to this.

02:58:11.000 There's a stigma attached to that in a lot of people.

02:58:14.000 Like, you know, where do you get your testosterone from?

02:58:16.000 I get it from my balls.

02:58:19.000 All that matters is that you have it in your system.

02:58:22.000 If you don't have it in your system, you're not going to feel as good.

02:58:25.000 It's real simple.

02:58:26.000 If you're fine with not feeling as good, good.

02:58:29.000 Go ahead.

02:58:30.000 Stick with that.

02:58:32.000 But if you're not fine with it, this is 2018. Hormone replacement therapy exists for a reason.

02:58:38.000 And that reason is it makes you feel way better.

02:58:41.000 It makes your body work way better.

02:58:43.000 You can avoid a host of ailments and conditions that are related to your body breaking down due to age with hormone replacement therapy.

02:58:54.000 The key to doing it, though, is to do it correctly.

02:58:56.000 You're supposed to go to a doctor that's going to test your blood levels, test your nutrient levels, and adjust your diet first.

02:59:02.000 The first thing that happens is they want to find out how much you're sleeping, how stressed out you are, what are you eating, how much water are you drinking, are you getting the proper amount of protein and vegetables, are you eating correctly?

02:59:15.000 Let's get you off of the sugar.

02:59:17.000 Let's get you off the booze.

02:59:18.000 Let's get you off cigarettes or whatever else is before they do anything.

02:59:22.000 This is a many, many month process that I went through where they get you off all these different things and you make these adjustments.

02:59:30.000 And then they start adding a little stuff.

02:59:32.000 Add a little bit of growth hormone.

02:59:33.000 Add a little bit of testosterone.

02:59:35.000 First it was cream and then it became injections.

02:59:37.000 Takes a little bit of time to figure out what works best.

02:59:40.000 And then you get to a point where you have the hormone levels of a healthy young man.

02:59:45.000 You don't want to elevate.

02:59:46.000 You don't want to be higher than that.

02:59:48.000 That's when you run into problems.

02:59:49.000 You don't want to be in, like, some crazy Vitor Belfort when he got popped from, you know, Nevada and he was, like, some superhuman levels.

02:59:58.000 That was 80% over.

02:59:59.000 Remember on a Sunday night against...

03:00:02.000 He was supposed to fight Rumble Johnson.

03:00:04.000 What's the guy from Denver?

03:00:05.000 The Christian.

03:00:06.000 Nice guy.

03:00:07.000 Nate Marquardt.

03:00:07.000 Nate Marquardt levels were really high in Pittsburgh that night.

03:00:11.000 That's right, yeah.

03:00:12.000 It was Pittsburgh.

03:00:13.000 He was in danger.

03:00:15.000 It was dangerous to his health, the levels.

03:00:19.000 But he says that was his doctor.

03:00:21.000 His doctor fucked him.

03:00:22.000 The whole idea, well, there's a difference between, first of all, there's a big difference between someone who's competing in mixed martial arts.

03:00:29.000 Obviously, you have to worry about your opponent getting hurt because of the fact that you're enhanced.

03:00:35.000 And these are young guys that are doing this.

03:00:37.000 When Nate was doing this, he was like 30 years old, right?

03:00:40.000 When you're talking about just general health and wellness, testosterone replacement therapy, hormone replacement therapy, there's a reason why a lot of older guys, especially guys who can afford it, they have money, they're doing it, it makes you feel better.

03:00:53.000 It just does.

03:00:54.000 And if you don't want to do it, that's fine.

03:00:56.000 There's ways of elevating your testosterone natural that just don't work as well.

03:01:01.000 Whether it's deadlifts or running hills, doing sprints, they work a little bit better.

03:01:05.000 It works a little bit better than nothing.

03:01:08.000 Squats are very good.

03:01:09.000 They release, but not enough for what you're saying.

03:01:12.000 No.

03:01:13.000 There's going to be a difference.

03:01:15.000 They can raise them through acupuncture.

03:01:17.000 I know that I've discussed raising levels of testosterone through acupuncture.

03:01:22.000 I would like to see studies on that.

03:01:23.000 The problem is it's really painful.

03:01:25.000 Acupuncture is painful?

03:01:26.000 For that process, it's in your feet.

03:01:29.000 Yeah.

03:01:29.000 I'd like to see studies on that.

03:01:31.000 I don't know if that's really been proven.

03:01:32.000 If that was really proven, look, there's ways to raise it, you know.

03:01:37.000 The chick I was with for years told me different case studies that she had been involved in.

03:01:43.000 Yeah.

03:01:43.000 And she told me a guy came in once that found the younger girlfriend.

03:01:47.000 His wife passed, and he found the younger girlfriend.

03:01:49.000 And he couldn't keep up?

03:01:50.000 And he couldn't keep up, so he came in to see her, and she did a bunch of stuff and put him on a tee.

03:01:56.000 And he came back a week later and said, turn that shit off.

03:01:59.000 Because my dick will not shut down.

03:02:03.000 But she told me, she goes, I can raise your testosterone levels, but it has to be needling through your feet.

03:02:09.000 And you're going to find that a little bit uncomfortable.

03:02:11.000 And I was like, leave it alone then.

03:02:13.000 I don't want to fucking walk around.

03:02:15.000 All this stuff that we're talking about, whether it's hormone replacement therapy or squats or deadlifts, all these things will help.

03:02:22.000 Hormone replacement therapy helps the most.

03:02:25.000 The most.

03:02:25.000 The thing about this kind of a competition that we're doing, though, we're not doing anything that you need massive amounts of testosterone.

03:02:32.000 No.

03:02:33.000 What this is about is willpower.

03:02:35.000 Willpower for a month, 30 days.

03:02:36.000 That's all this is about.

03:02:37.000 But a lot of it is discipline and willpower.

03:02:40.000 And if I have any advantage, it's that I have a gym in my house.

03:02:44.000 And I have a gym in my studio.

03:02:46.000 And I run with my dog almost every day in the hills.

03:02:49.000 And I've been doing that for years.

03:02:51.000 I've been taking that dog running since he was six months old.

03:02:54.000 He runs in the hills with me all the time.

03:02:56.000 You fall in love with running.

03:02:57.000 I love it.

03:02:58.000 You know why I love it, Joey?

03:02:59.000 Here's the big thing.

03:03:01.000 Because it makes me feel better in terms of my mental state.

03:03:06.000 I'm happier when I run all the time.

03:03:08.000 This whole month, I feel great.

03:03:12.000 And I don't just feel great because I'm not smoking pot.

03:03:16.000 Maybe that's good in some way.

03:03:19.000 Maybe it's good to not smoke pot even though I enjoy it.

03:03:23.000 Maybe it's not good to smoke as much as I do.

03:03:24.000 You're going to smoke Thursday morning?

03:03:27.000 Uh...

03:03:28.000 I don't know.

03:03:29.000 No.

03:03:29.000 Thursday, I'm flying to New York.

03:03:30.000 I probably won't smoke.

03:03:31.000 I mean, I might smoke a little over the weekend.

03:03:33.000 I'm going to play some pool with my boy Tommy Jr. down in New York.

03:03:37.000 But the thing that really helps, because I'm doing insane amounts of exercise, hours and hours of exercise a day.

03:03:47.000 You don't give a fuck about normal bullshit.

03:03:50.000 Like, all the chatter, all the negative chatter in your head, that shit goes away.

03:03:55.000 It doesn't exist.

03:03:56.000 I don't care.

03:03:58.000 I'm super calm.

03:03:59.000 No anxiety.

03:04:01.000 Anxiety goes away.

03:04:03.000 I'm not a depressed person.

03:04:05.000 I don't suffer from depression, but I had Tyson Fury on the podcast.

03:04:09.000 Yeah, last week.

03:04:10.000 I haven't listened yet.

03:04:12.000 Amazing.

03:04:13.000 Amazing.

03:04:13.000 He's a fucking, he's a brave man, the way he opened up about this.

03:04:17.000 No, I read the comments and whatnot.

03:04:19.000 Yeah, but the way he opened up about his suicidal thoughts and depression, it doesn't just help, it helps fucking tremendously.

03:04:27.000 If I found a drug, if a doctor put me on medication, I was like, Doc, I'm fine.

03:04:32.000 I'm happy.

03:04:32.000 Everything's good.

03:04:33.000 The doctor's like, I would just like you to just try this for a while and tell me how it makes you feel.

03:04:37.000 Just put me on something.

03:04:39.000 And I had to take a pill a day, and I felt as good as I feel right now sitting in front of you, I would be like, wow, you were right.

03:04:45.000 I feel better.

03:04:47.000 This exists, but it only gets to you through discipline.

03:04:51.000 You can't give someone something that forces them to work out.

03:04:56.000 Almost every fucking day I worked out this month, I didn't want to do it.

03:05:00.000 Almost every day.

03:05:02.000 The only thing that kept me doing it is Bert going, I'm going to double what Joe does.

03:05:07.000 All that?

03:05:08.000 That got me angry.

03:05:09.000 That got my competitive juices stirred.

03:05:11.000 And just the idea that these guys...

03:05:13.000 I've been working out my whole life.

03:05:16.000 These guys barely work out.

03:05:18.000 Like, they're gonna beat me in some sort of a fitness competition that involves willpower?

03:05:21.000 I'm like, that's not going to happen.

03:05:23.000 I'm going to put in more time than you.

03:05:25.000 I'm just going to.

03:05:27.000 But, all that aside...

03:05:29.000 When I did do it, just doing it, I feel fucking fantastic.

03:05:34.000 Well, remember the tapes you made of me in House of Blues where you were concerned?

03:05:38.000 I was like, I don't want to live no more and all that.

03:05:41.000 I wasn't working out.

03:05:42.000 Yeah.

03:05:43.000 Now I do something four days a week minimum.

03:05:47.000 Since I've been on Weight Watches, I didn't hit the plateau one week because I was on antibiotics.

03:05:51.000 I got a rash on my leg.

03:05:53.000 So when I lifted, I felt a little weird, but I still did everything else.

03:05:56.000 It's hard to exercise on antibiotics.

03:05:58.000 I felt it lifting.

03:05:59.000 When I was doing the squats, I had to stop.

03:06:03.000 In fact, I was like, I can't live like this.

03:06:06.000 There's very few things that will kill your system like antibiotics.

03:06:09.000 No, no, I couldn't do it.

03:06:10.000 And that's a real wake-up call for people that don't understand the benefits of probiotics.

03:06:15.000 There's probiotics like taking acidophilus or eating kimchi or eating anything that's going to help your microbiome.

03:06:22.000 It's so beneficial to your well-being, to the way you feel, the way your health is, your vitality.

03:06:30.000 All that stuff is connected.

03:06:32.000 I like yogurt.

03:06:33.000 Yogurt's fucking great for you.

03:06:34.000 I love yogurt.

03:06:35.000 Greek yogurt?

03:06:35.000 I eat yogurt a lot.

03:06:36.000 I don't like the Greek as much as the other one.

03:06:38.000 I get the low point one.

03:06:40.000 I'm a kimchi guy.

03:06:41.000 I eat that shit almost every day.

03:06:43.000 I love that shit juice, but you gotta watch the sugar in that.

03:06:47.000 What juice is that?

03:06:48.000 Oh, kombucha?

03:06:49.000 Yeah, you do have to watch the sugar.

03:06:50.000 You gotta watch the sugar in that.

03:06:51.000 I got a two point kombucha for eight ounces.

03:06:54.000 That's not bad.

03:06:55.000 No, it's not bad.

03:06:56.000 That's not bad at all.

03:06:57.000 It's very beneficial though.

03:06:58.000 Very beneficial.

03:07:00.000 Kombucha is fucking amazing.

03:07:01.000 It's really good at avoiding sicknesses.

03:07:03.000 But with this exercise, the amount of exercise that I'm doing, I'll drink bottles of that shit.

03:07:08.000 I don't worry about nothing.

03:07:09.000 There's a lot of benefit in that to me, just to be able to eat whatever the fuck I want.

03:07:14.000 I mean, I've been eating everything in front of me, man, this whole month.

03:07:19.000 I mean, I've doubled how much food I eat.

03:07:22.000 Just eating like...

03:07:23.000 It's fucking...

03:07:24.000 It's crazy how much I'm eating.

03:07:25.000 I gotta watch everything, Joe Rose.

03:07:27.000 I get it.

03:07:28.000 I get it.

03:07:29.000 I don't touch meat after six.

03:07:30.000 What I'm doing is not sustainable.

03:07:31.000 I do salmon at night.

03:07:33.000 Salmon's good.

03:07:33.000 I do a lot of chicken breast.

03:07:35.000 My meat intake is cut just to a third.

03:07:39.000 I don't agree with you on the meat intake anymore.

03:07:42.000 Especially at night.

03:07:43.000 I don't fuck with that shit at night no more.

03:07:45.000 If I eat meat, it's maybe three times a week.

03:07:48.000 Don't get me wrong.

03:07:49.000 I still crave a fucking steak.

03:07:51.000 But if I take my wife out of the day for the steak, the first thing I do is cut it in half.

03:07:56.000 And I save it for the next day for breakfast or something.

03:07:58.000 Nothing wrong with that.

03:07:59.000 I try to eat meat early in my day.

03:08:02.000 Let it digest by the time the end of the day.

03:08:03.000 Yeah, I don't like it at night no more.

03:08:05.000 No mosh.

03:08:06.000 No mosh.

03:08:07.000 It's funny that they were talking when your mother was visiting, and you and I were talking about Italians that they can't eat pasta after they're 50, that they lose their mind.

03:08:16.000 You know, as you get older, you lose things.

03:08:18.000 You just can't eat them.

03:08:19.000 And I've had, I think Sebastian told me that gravy bothers him, and my buddy in Jersey was hysterical.

03:08:25.000 He's like, I can't even walk past a pizza place no more.

03:08:29.000 Well, it's also...

03:08:30.000 Don't what happen to your feet.

03:08:31.000 The feet, gout.

03:08:33.000 They get gout.

03:08:34.000 Yeah, you can get that.

03:08:35.000 You get gout from sauce, from the acidity in the sauce.

03:08:38.000 People get it from wine, you know.

03:08:39.000 It used to be called like emperor's disease.

03:08:42.000 Because people would just sit around and drink wine when they were rich.

03:08:45.000 It's like it was a rich person's disease way back in the day.

03:08:49.000 Is wine bad?

03:08:50.000 No, wine's good for you.

03:08:51.000 No, wine's not bad.

03:08:51.000 Wine's good for you.

03:08:52.000 Everything's bad in excess.

03:08:53.000 In excess.

03:08:54.000 You know, I mean, sugar's terrible in excess.

03:08:56.000 You have, you know, like The Rock, he eats like a fucking plate of cookies one day a week.

03:09:03.000 Nothing wrong with that.

03:09:04.000 Nothing wrong with a day where you fuck off, have a cheat meal.

03:09:08.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

03:09:09.000 As long as the majority of your diet is healthy.

03:09:11.000 The majority of your diet should consist of leafy green vegetables, healthy fats, healthy meat, you know, grass-fed beef is my favorite.

03:09:22.000 I still eat egg whites.

03:09:22.000 Fuck you pussies.

03:09:23.000 Egg whites?

03:09:24.000 You need yolks, they're good!

03:09:25.000 I eat yolks like a motherfucker.

03:09:28.000 One of our sponsors, what was the egg sponsor?

03:09:32.000 I forget the sponsor, but they sell actual cage-free eggs.

03:09:39.000 People say cage-free, but they're all fucking jammed in together.

03:09:42.000 They might as well be in a cage.

03:09:44.000 What is it?

03:09:45.000 Vital Farms.

03:09:45.000 Spell it.

03:09:46.000 Vital Farms.

03:09:47.000 V-I-T-A-L, right?

03:09:48.000 Vital Farms.

03:09:49.000 And the eggs that they have are fucking dark orange yolk.

03:09:54.000 That robust yolk.

03:09:56.000 They taste better.

03:09:57.000 They taste better.

03:09:57.000 See that shit?

03:09:59.000 That's what a fucking egg is supposed to look like.

03:10:01.000 You still got the chickens?

03:10:02.000 Yep.

03:10:03.000 Are they still giving you great eggs also?

03:10:05.000 Man, they haven't been giving me eggs lately.

03:10:06.000 I've been getting like a couple eggs a day at the moment.

03:10:09.000 This is a company that sponsors you?

03:10:10.000 Yeah.

03:10:11.000 My chickens are getting old, man.

03:10:14.000 So they'll send you eggs to your house?

03:10:16.000 Yeah.

03:10:16.000 Well, I don't know.

03:10:18.000 I think I've seen it in the store.

03:10:20.000 I recognize that packaging.

03:10:22.000 I think they're just selling them in the store.

03:10:24.000 But, you know, they have services that will deliver stuff from stores to your house now.

03:10:28.000 How crazy is that?

03:10:29.000 Cubans eat eggs, fried eggs on white rice.

03:10:32.000 It's good.

03:10:33.000 Jesus Christ.

03:10:34.000 Eggs are fantastic.

03:10:35.000 And then they break the yolk on the fried rice together.

03:10:37.000 I love it.

03:10:37.000 On white rice.

03:10:39.000 I love it.

03:10:39.000 And then the other Cuban thing is white rice with a steak on top.

03:10:43.000 I love it.

03:10:43.000 With two eggs on top of that.

03:10:45.000 Bring it.

03:10:45.000 And you're supposed to bring it.

03:10:47.000 Yes.

03:10:47.000 You know what they call it?

03:10:48.000 Eggs on horseback.

03:10:49.000 Wherewalk, how are you?

03:10:50.000 Oh.

03:10:51.000 Wherewalk, how are you?

03:10:52.000 Eggs on horseback.

03:10:53.000 I like it.

03:10:54.000 That's disgusting, Joe Ro.

03:10:55.000 What are you talking about?

03:10:56.000 It sounds amazing.

03:10:57.000 Oh my God!

03:10:58.000 When that yolk breaks over the steak, I can't have that.

03:11:00.000 Oh, it sounds so good.

03:11:00.000 No.

03:11:01.000 What are you saying?

03:11:01.000 And especially over white rice.

03:11:03.000 I'm hungry right now.

03:11:04.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

03:11:04.000 I eat steak and eggs all the time.

03:11:06.000 I love steak and eggs, but again, I gotta watch the fucking...

03:11:09.000 once a week.

03:11:10.000 Yeah?

03:11:10.000 Once every ten days.

03:11:12.000 I can't eat fucking pancakes.

03:11:14.000 No.

03:11:15.000 The hardy pancakes, I can have one.

03:11:18.000 Pancakes is just a bunch of bread.

03:11:19.000 It's just bread.

03:11:21.000 But they have the hearty oats ones with a little bit of zero calorie maple syrup.

03:11:26.000 Well, you know what you can get?

03:11:28.000 There's a company called Know Foods, K-N-O-W Foods, and they make waffles.

03:11:34.000 That are like, I don't know what they use, almond flour or something like that.

03:11:38.000 They taste good.

03:11:39.000 Low carb, very low sugar.

03:11:41.000 They fucking taste fantastic.

03:11:43.000 And they have a zero sugar syrup that tastes fucking great.

03:11:48.000 I'll put melted butter on those motherfuckers and that zero sugar syrup and eat the shit out of those waffles.

03:11:54.000 They taste good.

03:11:56.000 That fucking zero sugar syrup is fantastic.

03:11:58.000 It's good.

03:11:59.000 It's good.

03:12:00.000 And you eat it, you don't feel bad.

03:12:02.000 It tastes good.

03:12:02.000 It tastes really fucking good.

03:12:04.000 And when it's over, you don't feel like a fucking...

03:12:06.000 Like you got hit with an insulin dart.

03:12:08.000 You don't feel like...

03:12:10.000 That feeling that you get when you eat real waffles with real sugar.

03:12:14.000 See, I never got to enjoy that shit as a kid.

03:12:17.000 At the end, you're like...

03:12:18.000 An hour later, you barely can walk.

03:12:21.000 Not with these.

03:12:22.000 You eat these fucking things and you feel fantastic.

03:12:27.000 Joey Diaz, your Netflix special.

03:12:29.000 It's out tomorrow, right?

03:12:30.000 Tomorrow.

03:12:30.000 Jesus Christ.

03:12:31.000 I put up a thing that our boy Michael Klein made for One by One Podcast.

03:12:37.000 Yeah.

03:12:39.000 You can't play a man standing in front of him.

03:12:42.000 I have no fucking problems looking at myself.

03:12:46.000 But I like the clip.

03:12:47.000 The clip looks good.

03:12:48.000 Yeah.

03:12:48.000 It's funny.

03:12:49.000 It's funny.

03:12:50.000 I'm very thankful to Netflix for giving me the half hour.

03:12:55.000 I just feel at times like I didn't do really well on the show.

03:12:59.000 I felt like...

03:13:00.000 You're hard on yourself.

03:13:01.000 You're an artist.

03:13:02.000 No, but I felt like, and not to try to be cute, it's funny when you see Rhonda get kicked, and she was sitting there for the first three minutes.

03:13:11.000 She was upset about the kick, but you're also upset about the training.

03:13:15.000 You see all the holes in your training where you've made mistakes, little mistakes you've made.

03:13:19.000 Even two weeks ago when Connor went down for a couple minutes, he was just sitting there.

03:13:24.000 He's not thinking about the $30 million he made.

03:13:26.000 There's nobody.

03:13:27.000 You're thinking about the mistakes that got you there.

03:13:30.000 And it was weird that I didn't think I did that well on a Netflix special.

03:13:36.000 Personally, I wanted to do better, you know.

03:13:40.000 But ever since that, you can't.

03:13:43.000 Ever since Utah, July, June 30th.

03:14:02.000 That's the benefit of doing these things.

03:14:07.000 The benefit of doing these specials is you grow.

03:14:10.000 You abandon all the material, and then you're forced to regroup, and you're forced to look at the material and look at your set, see what you don't like.

03:14:17.000 Some people never do that, Joey, and they never grow because of that.

03:14:20.000 It's just, but the growth I've had since June 4th, I feel like Dustin Poirier and Max Holloway together.

03:14:27.000 Like, I see it.

03:14:29.000 Like, in the original room now, I'm back to rare form.

03:14:32.000 Like, I finally...

03:14:33.000 I had to watch...

03:14:34.000 It just got in my head.

03:14:37.000 I had to watch a couple.

03:14:38.000 I had some Red Fox specials.

03:14:41.000 I watched a couple of any Bruce specials.

03:14:44.000 I went back to...

03:14:45.000 My favorite.

03:14:46.000 I got all the vinyl from Richard Pryor and I went back and listened to it.

03:14:49.000 I came to the conclusion that what was I giving a fuck about?

03:14:53.000 I can't give a fuck about audiences.

03:14:55.000 This is who the fuck I am.

03:14:57.000 I'm going to unleash the wrath of fucking God on you.

03:15:01.000 And when we come out of here, we'll see what the fuck it is.

03:15:04.000 You know, the worst thing I did was a week before, Jim Norton says something that kind of bothered me once.

03:15:11.000 And then I understood after he said it.

03:15:13.000 He said he didn't watch people's specials.

03:15:16.000 Me, I like watching comedy specials.

03:15:19.000 I love watching them.

03:15:20.000 But a week before my special, I did the worst thing in the world.

03:15:23.000 I watched John Mulaney's special, who's a great writer.

03:15:28.000 Who's a great writer.

03:15:29.000 I'm not a great writer.

03:15:31.000 Everything was me and my energy.

03:15:33.000 So I wanted to be John Mulaney.

03:15:35.000 And that's what I felt.

03:15:37.000 Looking back now, now I got it all out of the way.

03:15:40.000 I know exactly who the fuck I am.

03:15:42.000 And you're in trouble.

03:15:43.000 I'm taking you into murky waters now.

03:15:45.000 Every show.

03:15:47.000 And I'm going to say something to offend you, because that's who I am.

03:15:50.000 I got to talk this dirty shit.

03:15:52.000 You know, I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks anymore.

03:15:55.000 But every once in a while, my wife calls it, Joey, you're having a white moment.

03:15:59.000 You're not white, you're Cuban.

03:16:00.000 Knock the fuck off.

03:16:02.000 Like, I get headshots.

03:16:03.000 My wife's like, here he goes again.

03:16:05.000 Getting a white moment.

03:16:06.000 Do you have headshots?

03:16:08.000 No, no.

03:16:09.000 I don't have headshots.

03:16:10.000 I haven't had headshots in decades.

03:16:12.000 No, you don't need them no more.

03:16:13.000 What do we give a fuck about headshots?

03:16:15.000 You know who the fuck we are.

03:16:16.000 He's a picture of me offline.

03:16:18.000 Yeah, I don't give a fuck.

03:16:19.000 Well, you look so old enough.

03:16:21.000 I don't give a fuck.

03:16:22.000 Just use it.

03:16:23.000 Thank you very much for having me.

03:16:24.000 Thank you, brother.

03:16:25.000 And it's always a pleasure.

03:16:26.000 Will I see you this week?

03:16:27.000 Yeah, yeah, I'll be around this week.

03:16:28.000 Well, actually, no, you know, because...

03:16:31.000 I've got some shit to do before I leave for New York.

03:16:33.000 I'm not going to be around.

03:16:34.000 But I'll be around after that.

03:16:36.000 November 1st.

03:16:37.000 We're back on a tear.

03:16:38.000 I love you too, man.

03:16:38.000 Thank you very much for having me.

03:16:39.000 My pleasure, brother.

03:16:40.000 Always great to see you.

03:16:41.000 Always.

03:16:42.000 So, tonight it airs at midnight.

03:16:45.000 Midnight, LA time.

03:16:46.000 Yours is the 30th, right?

03:16:47.000 Yeah.

03:16:48.000 So, tonight you can check it out.

03:16:51.000 Live on Netflix.

03:16:53.000 Shout out to Netflix.

03:16:54.000 Thanks for everything.

03:16:55.000 Thank you very much, Netflix.

03:16:56.000 Love you.

03:16:56.000 Thank you, Joe Rogan.

03:16:57.000 Love you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 29, 2018

Joe Rogan Experience #1190 - Joey Diaz

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