Joe Rogan Experience #1194 - Sober October 2 Recap
Episode Stats
Length
4 hours and 22 minutes
Words per Minute
202.27158
Summary
In this episode, the guys talk about their experience in the Biggest Loser challenge, and how they dealt with the pressure of being the only person to beat the other 3 guys. We also talk about how the challenge has changed their lives and how to deal with the stress of competing against other people. And, of course, we talk about the dumbest thing we've ever done, which is watch other people do dumb things to themselves to try and get better at their fitness goals. We hope you enjoy this episode and that it gives you a little bit of perspective on what it's like to be a part of a group of people who are trying to do a fitness challenge and see how hard it is to keep up with the rest of your friends. It's a fun challenge, but it's not easy! Cheers, and Happy Holidays! -Joe, Burt, Joe, and Ari Thank you so much for doing this challenge with us, and we hope you have a very happy and healthy New Years! Thanks to everyone who joined us on this journey with us. We really appreciate all the support and support we've gotten through this challenge. We can't wait to do more of these challenges in the future. -Burt and Joe Burt and Burt - Joe Joe - Ari - Burt & Ari . Thanks for listening and supporting us, we really appreciate you guys! Joe, Joe & Burt:) Joe:) - Joe: . . . Joe: ) Ari: , Burt : . , , , . , Ari: . . . (Joe: . Joe : & : , Joe: . B. :) - B. & B. :) - Tom: (B. : ( ) - (Joe and B. ( ) - ( . ( ) - BK: - . & Joe: (Bert: ) . - A: B: B: ( ) , ( : ) (C: & B: , . ) , (B: : ) & C: ; (A: ), etc. , etc. (B): C: (C) -
Transcript
00:00:19.000
First of all, whose fucking stupid idea was it to do this goddamn fitness challenge, Tommy Bunz?
00:00:40.000
I think it's fun to be competitive with your friends.
00:00:44.000
Not year-round, but like isolating something like this.
00:00:49.000
You get to see different sides of people you didn't know existed.
00:00:56.000
I don't think anyone gets the real perspective.
00:01:00.000
When Joe is focused on something, I've never seen anything like that in my fucking life.
00:01:05.000
Well, I know the funniest, because everybody's competitive, and this brings it out.
00:01:09.000
But the funny thing was Burt being like, whatever Joe does, I'll do double.
00:01:28.000
I was worried about him the most from the beginning.
00:01:36.000
Three days in, you were texting like, this is dumb.
00:01:42.000
He's saying that, and he means it while he says it, but he's also like, I'm going to fucking kill these guys.
00:01:48.000
Yeah, but I was looking for loopholes in order to trick you guys to somehow not work out.
00:01:52.000
So I thought if I could get a bunch of points all to join in seven or eight days in...
00:02:00.000
Like, yeah, I've been secretly working out, but now I'm too far away, so don't try to catch up.
00:02:05.000
There was some psychological sneakery he was doing with me.
00:02:09.000
He was saying, you should just do your regular workout and see what your score's like.
00:02:12.000
Oh, yeah, that was a big one to try to control Joe.
00:02:18.000
Because you were entertaining that for a second.
00:02:24.000
And then I thought about it, and the other thing I was thinking This is what my plan was.
00:02:30.000
My plan was to keep up with you guys for two weeks.
00:02:34.000
And then after two weeks, to set aside a lot of time and about...
00:02:44.000
I'm going to put a pace that I don't think anybody else can keep up with for the last two weeks.
00:02:49.000
The last two weeks, I just said, I'm going to put in some 600-point days.
00:03:01.000
When we started this month, and I put in my 700-point day, everyone was a little bit like, wow, Bert.
00:03:10.000
I was just looking at my goddamn phone the whole time.
00:03:16.000
If you get 70% of your max heart rate, that's 3 points a minute.
00:03:20.000
If you get 80% of your max heart rate or above, that's 4 points a minute.
00:03:24.000
So we all try to stay in the 80 range because that's where you get your money.
00:03:28.000
So a heavy workout for an hour in that range of 80 to 100, a heavy workout gives you 240 points.
00:03:46.000
I was in New York and he called me and was like, dude, he's just fucking going, dragging elk around.
00:04:02.000
That's when you were there and you were actually working out in the mountains as well.
00:04:11.000
I made the mistake of jokingly saying, oh, I got him.
00:04:18.000
And the hunters were like, dude, it's not a fucking vacation.
00:04:24.000
Well, you got a backpack on and you can walk as many as, the most I've ever walked is 12 miles in a day.
00:04:29.000
And you're walking up and down in elevation, you're going up and down.
00:04:32.000
Like, I saved it one day because it was so ridiculous because I'd gone up and down, I forget it, like 130 flights of stairs, something fucking crazy.
00:04:42.000
But you ended up getting your, what did you shoot on this hunt?
00:04:54.000
I came back, but the 935 point day, that was my big day.
00:04:59.000
Because I did 935 in the day, and then I did a podcast, and then I did 100 later on in the day.
00:05:17.000
The huge part was, like, who had the most time to spend in the gym?
00:05:22.000
I was here two Mondays ago, or last Monday, and it was popping night at the comedy store.
00:05:26.000
I was going to hang out with everybody, you know?
00:05:38.000
Fuck you with you posting your goddamn workouts in the middle of the night.
00:05:41.000
It was so deflating to go to sleep going, I've got a 200-point lead, and to wake up and go, how am I 600 points behind?
00:05:51.000
Ari went through when he got this tracker, and he found out all the workarounds.
00:05:55.000
So he would build up work points in his tracker, and then he'd Bluetooth it in the middle of the fucking night.
00:06:04.000
I'd come home from the cellar at 1.30 a.m., and then I'd be like, let me change and go out there.
00:06:07.000
He would go out to the gym at 2 in the morning.
00:06:12.000
I thought you were uploading in the middle of the night.
00:06:15.000
You can see the time that he was actually doing it.
00:06:20.000
For a second, Tom and I thought that because Ari was so out of shape, his heart rate was just skyrocketing like Ralphie walking up stairs.
00:06:27.000
And then Ari and I went on a walk, on a hike, And I was in the yellow the whole time, and Ari was barely in green.
00:06:38.000
The best is that he really bought that theory really hard.
00:06:49.000
He's barely walking, but because he's out of shape.
00:06:59.000
You don't want to think that a guy who hasn't been working out at all is in good shape.
00:07:03.000
But I think you pushed yourself through the first week or two, and then you got in good shape.
00:07:13.000
Okay, Michelle Wolfe offered to give, let me just have her wear the thing.
00:07:19.000
From day one, that was definitely the fallback.
00:07:20.000
Tommy, I knew that was going to happen regardless.
00:07:25.000
And when I asked her, I was like, hey, would you wear this thing for me if I needed you to?
00:07:46.000
I did five and a half hours on an elliptical after running for an hour.
00:07:56.000
I ran for an hour and then I stayed in the elliptical for five and a half hours.
00:08:01.000
You'd check in and be like, fucking Rogan got 300 points.
00:08:03.000
And then you'd talk and you'd check back in 30 minutes later and be like, oh no, it's still going.
00:08:11.000
The thought was, when you're tired, how tired are you?
00:08:24.000
And then you get to this point where you just think about breathing.
00:08:30.000
I was just thinking about in and outs and just trying to stay, almost like a meditative state, trying to stay in the zone.
00:08:44.000
I feel like that's a story most people don't get to tell about themselves, you know?
00:08:59.000
This was very interesting because I didn't know how my body would respond to a month of psychotic exercise.
00:09:08.000
Did you guys do the things where you'd be like, the voices say, you gotta quit.
00:09:13.000
Take a walk for a little bit and then go back and do it.
00:09:15.000
And then if you just go like, oh, I'm at 4.8 miles, let me just go until 5. Or like, I'm almost at halfway through this hour, so let me just get to 30 minutes and it'll be downhill.
00:09:25.000
It fucked with my obsessive compulsiveness really bad.
00:09:28.000
Because I get to the place where I go, alright, I just want to get to 200 points.
00:09:32.000
And then I'd be like, oh shit, I'm only at 950 calories.
00:09:37.000
I'm like, oh, I'm right by 220. I want to get to 220. And then it gets to a point where I believe it's like you get in the zone where you go, I'm just going to keep going.
00:09:50.000
To the point where, I mean, we should talk about physical breakdowns in a little bit, because I know all of us dealt with some sort of physical breakdown, but I was having nightmares that you guys had fucked with my tracker and put it in that I was younger and lighter, so I wasn't earning the...
00:10:09.000
In a panic and checked my fucking stats on my phone.
00:10:14.000
And I was like, these my goats, I wouldn't put it past them.
00:10:20.000
Okay, I figured out pretty quickly that the way they do your max heart rate is your age minus...
00:10:31.000
Then when you actually run, it'll move up or down from there.
00:10:37.000
So I entered my age, and before I started, I wrote to the MyZone people and said, my idiot wife...
00:10:43.000
I'm actually 74. I was born in 44, not 74 and 44 the other way.
00:10:49.000
I'm like, alright, we'll change it for you, sir.
00:11:00.000
The whole month you worked out as a 74-year-old man?
00:11:03.000
The problem is I already set it as the other thing.
00:11:11.000
So you stuck as a 44. It would have been great for me to just walk around casually earning yellow the whole time.
00:11:24.000
I feel like that one would have disqualified you.
00:11:31.000
I'm still on the fence with these fucking five hour hikes he was taking.
00:11:44.000
I saw him here on the rowing machine going hard for an hour.
00:11:59.000
I think we should really, really keep ourselves from judging how hard other people work.
00:12:13.000
My hardest workouts are running the hills and lifting weights.
00:12:16.000
If I run the hills, it gives me almost 40 points less than if I just rode a bike or rode an elliptical machine.
00:12:27.000
And the way I do it is I run hard and I take breaks.
00:12:31.000
I take a deep breath when I get to the top of one hill.
00:12:34.000
He strokes his dick the whole time too, so that's difficult.
00:12:37.000
I rub my balls gently with my left hand, and I give myself another sprint until I can't.
00:12:41.000
I have these points where I know I can make it to if I go full clip, and then I try to extend it a little bit, and I keep trying to extend it.
00:12:51.000
And on top of going in the red, it's like lifting weights.
00:12:57.000
And in recovery time, your heart rate crashes way low.
00:12:59.000
You could just do the elliptical machine and just put it at like 15 resistance so it's got some give to it.
00:13:13.000
Because you just get into a zone and you just got to be strong.
00:13:16.000
I think the thing with those, I mean, even though, like, if you do an intense workout, recovery is going to be, you know, you're going to need it, you're going to feel it.
00:13:24.000
If you do those for, like, days in a row, there is still a fatigue, right?
00:13:32.000
What was getting me was the pounding, the running up the hills.
00:13:40.000
My feet were starting to hurt by the end because I was running miles in the hills every day with those minimalist shoes on.
00:13:52.000
But the way they work is they make your feet work harder.
00:13:55.000
So if your feet aren't conditioned for that shit, man, your feet are, like, one of the first things that wear out.
00:14:01.000
Like, a nice, spongy running shoe is just so much, like, smush, smush every time you step on things.
00:14:07.000
If you get that and it's gone, and you have this really thin layer of rubber with some tread, it's just your foot hitting the ground over and over and over again.
00:14:22.000
I was using one called Zero, and I was using one called Vivo, Vivo Barefoot.
00:14:31.000
Because I was wearing the five-toe ones, but...
00:14:38.000
I need something that covers all the toes so I don't jam one into a rock because I'm just too exhausted.
00:14:44.000
Can you walk me through what a regular workout was for you?
00:14:47.000
I'd be curious what everyone's regular workout was.
00:14:50.000
What I would do is if I would run, I would run for an hour.
00:15:09.000
I know it's more beneficial than the elliptical machine.
00:15:22.000
Yeah, because I've only been doing this for like two years.
00:15:25.000
Plus, also, your own nature has got to be healthy for you, too.
00:15:29.000
But before that, I was doing just weightlifting stuff for my legs.
00:15:32.000
I would do like squats, or I would do cleans and presses and overheads, you know, do like presses with the kettlebells overhead and stuff like that, which is all great.
00:15:40.000
It's all really good stuff, but it's not sustained motion.
00:15:43.000
There's something about the sustained motion of running hills that I think boosts your vitality.
00:15:51.000
Because you have to work so, to run a hill is one of the more difficult things to do in exercise.
00:15:56.000
It's just, you gotta fucking just get, you're basically doing like bodyweight squats with one leg over and over and over again.
00:16:02.000
God, it sucks when you're going uphill, you got a 45 degree.
00:16:07.000
When I went to hitting the bags, what I would do is, on days I would do that, I would run and then I would get on the elliptical machine, or I'd run and I'd get on the bike, or the echo bike, which is like an airdyne, beefed up airdyne machine.
00:16:21.000
Or that assault thing, the assault fitness treadmill.
00:16:30.000
It's an extra bump harder than running on the road.
00:16:39.000
Because it's self-powered and it's really beneficial.
00:16:51.000
That was my go-to at the end of the night, was get on that thing.
00:16:56.000
I'm so glad I wore you out and you couldn't do it real.
00:17:03.000
Yeah, that thing is supposed to be at least 30% harder.
00:17:10.000
I get on that thing, it's like, whoa, we're going to work.
00:17:11.000
I texted you when I saw you got it, and I was like, you like that?
00:17:19.000
It's got a good amount of give to it because it's got this tread to it, and it's just got enough shock so that as you're running, you don't feel like it's a big pounding on your joints, but it's all self-propelled.
00:17:29.000
So you really get a good rhythm going, and your fucking legs get tired.
00:17:34.000
You can get up and sprint, and your sprints, that really raised your heart rate.
00:17:38.000
I think the key also, here's a big key, you've got to be distracted.
00:17:42.000
You've got to be able to either be distracted by meditating and getting into some sort of a weird breathing zone, or you've got to listen to podcasts, or you've got to listen to music.
00:17:51.000
For me, books on tape did the best for when I was out in the wild.
00:17:57.000
If I was out in the wild, I was listening to books on tape.
00:18:00.000
Thinking about something distracted me from the physical exertion of exercise.
00:18:15.000
When you're watching a fight, you get your heart rate jacked up.
00:18:17.000
And you're watching guys get hit, and you're fucking on this thing.
00:18:26.000
Well, I would do the thing where you're just kind of going, going, but I noticed there was like a punt return or a kickoff return.
00:18:35.000
When I watched Gladiator, there was a giant spike whenever there was sword fights.
00:18:42.000
And I was like, oh my God, that's what I'm doing.
00:18:44.000
I'm allowing myself to get so caught up in this movie that I'm like fighting.
00:18:55.000
Dude, I gotta give a shout-out to Run the Jewels.
00:18:57.000
Run the Jewels is perfect fucking canyon running.
00:19:12.000
When I think about this month, I'll think of two things.
00:19:16.000
I'll thank God it's over, and I'll think of Run the Goddamn Jewels, because that's all I listen to running.
00:19:21.000
Dude, that's a great running song, and a great running song will give you like 10% more energy.
00:19:26.000
When it kicks in to overdrive on some song, you're like, oh wait, it's this one?
00:19:29.000
And then you're waiting for the beat to drop, and you just start going and going.
00:19:37.000
If I put on a lot of Public Enemy, and just put it on a mix of Public Enemy, I'll feel like I'm going...
00:19:58.000
The whole time you're running, you're going, ha!
00:20:04.000
Did you write any jokes while you were running?
00:20:16.000
I smiled at a woman when I was jogging, and I said, the joke was, I only smiled and know I'm not having a stroke.
00:20:36.000
I was like, whatever you think you can do, let's keep going.
00:20:50.000
Dude, it got tricky when I started pissing iced tea.
00:21:02.000
I'm okay, I didn't get rhabdo, but some people were upset.
00:21:05.000
They wanted me almost to get it because I've always ragged on these CrossFit guys to get it.
00:21:11.000
What I've said is that I have heard some negative opinions about CrossFits from experts that I trust, like Steve Maxwell.
00:21:18.000
I'm not a fitness expert by any stretch of the imagination.
00:21:21.000
I don't know whether CrossFit's bad or good, and I bet it's probably based on your application.
00:21:27.000
The way you do it, because if somebody asked me, is jujitsu good for your body?
00:21:30.000
I'd be like, well, I've had a bunch of surgeries.
00:21:35.000
Everybody I know that does jujitsu, Ari gets, he didn't even get his blue belt and he got surgery.
00:21:39.000
Yeah, but I will say before we started this podcast, Joe did say those CrossFit people are tree-hugging hippies who want to get their yoga black belt.
00:21:52.000
Dude, halfway through the month, I told Tom this the other day, and he laughed, so I tried it on stage and it worked, but I stopped producing semen.
00:22:04.000
People ask me, it's like, did your sex drive go up?
00:22:07.000
And I wanted to be like, yeah, but then I was like, no.
00:22:15.000
I was sleeping like a fucking perfect person, like a baby.
00:22:30.000
There's a realistic view of the world that you get from rigorous exercise.
00:22:42.000
We have too much of a history as a species of constantly avoiding danger.
00:22:47.000
And I think we live in a place that's far too safe for our natural instincts.
00:22:51.000
And so we're constantly looking for things to be bad, or looking for things to be dangerous, or confronting our own mortality and putting it on the back burner and letting all that weirdness manifest itself in all sorts of other fears.
00:23:04.000
Fears about the government, fears about economics, and fears about this.
00:23:08.000
And I think we're dealing with this as human beings all the time.
00:23:12.000
And I think there's only a certain amount you can do.
00:23:14.000
And I think when you have rigorous exercise, it puts in perspective what that certain amount actually is and what you can control as a person.
00:23:23.000
That you can just chill your body out and look at this whole thing for what it is.
00:23:33.000
But this whole thing that we do when we do this, we do this because our body has a need for exercise.
00:23:41.000
It's got an engine that needs to be pushed, and if you don't push it, it starts fucking with you.
00:23:45.000
It starts fucking with you and asking you weird questions like, who the fuck's that guy think he is?
00:23:51.000
It wants to get upset at things that don't make any sense to be upset at.
00:23:55.000
There's a part of you that wants conflict because it thinks that conflict's a part of the programming.
00:24:00.000
It's because it's been our way for millions of years.
00:24:02.000
So whatever the fuck we were then to whatever the fuck we are now, there's been conflict along the way.
00:24:09.000
And this is the only time ever that there's none of that.
00:24:12.000
And I think the only time you could see things with perspective is when you blow out all the biological shit.
00:24:19.000
Like, how many times have you jerked off and then had a totally different opinion of a person about...
00:24:28.000
Like, why would I call this person after I just jerked off?
00:24:56.000
What does it just make you spin as fast as slow as it speeds?
00:25:03.000
And the thing he said about wanting me to go back and fuck people I grew up with or whatever.
00:25:31.000
And I have to say, I have to give props to people more than anything.
00:25:35.000
Ari doing that rower redefined the way I had to look at working out.
00:25:47.000
Some of them were harder than others to keep at 80%.
00:25:58.000
I could sort of do that, but I didn't know quite how much.
00:26:10.000
But even when Ari's playful, angry, it's still energy.
00:26:14.000
Like that anger, like the anger that he gave everybody on that fucking podcast.
00:26:22.000
Ari's hiking around, doing a podcast, talking shit about us.
00:26:30.000
See, that kind of anger, that's either in you or it's not.
00:26:36.000
It's a matter of getting the old engine fired up again.
00:26:43.000
That was one of my resolutions this year, was to go to the gym like once a week.
00:26:50.000
Well, I remember when you did jujitsu, you were very enthusiastic about it.
00:26:57.000
And I remember one time you legitimately swept me.
00:27:06.000
You can get over on people once in a while in jujitsu.
00:27:08.000
Just once in a while, you'll be like, oh, you forgot to lock up!
00:27:14.000
We were rolling together, and I was like, okay, dude, let's just do this.
00:27:22.000
I got on top of him, and I just got a little relaxed.
00:27:25.000
And all of a sudden, boom, Ari hip pops, takes my leg out from under me, and he swept me.
00:27:36.000
So I knew a part of Ari that you guys didn't know, because Ari and I have been engaged.
00:27:41.000
By the way, then he swept me right back against somebody.
00:27:44.000
By the way, there's a part of me that really wants to experience trying to roll with Joe for a second.
00:27:48.000
After this contest, knowing what he's capable of, just to feel true helplessness.
00:27:56.000
Because if you can handle it, then at least you know where you are on this little weird food chain of who can kill who with their bare hands.
00:28:04.000
And then you also know that whatever these people know, you can learn too.
00:28:09.000
I know guys that are much weaker than me that can fuck me up.
00:28:13.000
If we roll together, they're going to tap me 100% of the time.
00:28:40.000
Listen, you have to have the time to get serious about something.
00:28:44.000
We had the time to get serious about this for a month.
00:28:49.000
By the way, Tom suggested it like four or five days before it started.
00:28:54.000
I've been wearing that thing for perspective, though.
00:28:59.000
And like an average month has been probably 2,300 points or something.
00:29:07.000
Talk about the percentages of how we finished in the...
00:29:11.000
Because you hitting them up, that blew me away.
00:29:13.000
Well, they said there's a million registered users, first of all.
00:29:23.000
We're going into what November is now, and we're not really...
00:29:26.000
No, I'm not saying everybody was actively all using it.
00:29:37.000
Because we really don't know what percentage those people actually keep it, right?
00:29:45.000
Yeah, your fucking gym has a lot of people trying.
00:29:47.000
That's the thing we can actually point against people who are trying.
00:29:49.000
If we had to guess, if we had to agree on a number, would you guys say that half the people would use it regularly, or no?
00:29:56.000
If there's a million people, would you really think it would be half?
00:29:59.000
Even if it's a quarter, we're still talking about a.5.
00:30:02.000
We'd be.5 percentile, whatever, 99.5th percentile.
00:30:09.000
It wouldn't go up much, even under a smaller variable.
00:30:11.000
But I think that what those other people are, at the top, are probably fitness instructors.
00:30:24.000
Go to the gym with $15 and say, please wear this, and I'll give you $15.
00:30:32.000
I just figured it wasn't too much, but I would have to do it a lot.
00:30:35.000
I'll tell you, I'll walk you through my plan the whole month.
00:30:41.000
I was like, don't get hurt, because if I get hurt, get shin splints, or get heel spurs, I'm fucked.
00:30:46.000
I was so excited at the prospect of you being out.
00:30:49.000
Anytime someone was like, I think I fucking had it.
00:30:55.000
Excited but cautious, and I knew it was like, this is not real.
00:31:07.000
I swear to God, I'll call my fucking wife right now.
00:31:14.000
My friend Molly saw you in fucking spin that day.
00:31:20.000
Spin, the one exercise you don't need your legs for.
00:31:25.000
Oh, I knew you were giving me the old doc holiday.
00:31:32.000
Guys, he told me he was sick, and he took photos of his medication and sanity.
00:31:39.000
You went one half day, and then you were right back to full speed.
00:31:47.000
I had a day where I was like, look, I gotta get something.
00:31:49.000
And by something, I was thinking 150 or something.
00:31:52.000
And that was the beginning or the second to worst day.
00:31:57.000
And I walked down the street and I was like, I felt so sick.
00:32:07.000
I was able to get like, I think a hundred and something, and that was split up in two also.
00:32:12.000
And so then I was like, I'm pretty fucked right now.
00:32:14.000
Yeah, and that, by the way, right at that point, I was like, okay, Bert, we're not coming last, so that's great.
00:32:29.000
This is like something that we should all point out for health.
00:32:31.000
Like, I've been, over the last couple of years, I've been eating a lot of kimchi, a lot of fermented cabbage, and a lot of kombucha.
00:32:52.000
The kombuchas used to always hike these, and I started drinking them too.
00:33:00.000
I had a Whole Foods guy tell me, like, hey, just so you know, I saw you drink this in the thing.
00:33:04.000
It's got alcohol, so you can't drink that in the store.
00:33:07.000
And I was like, listen, I'm going to do it every single time, so you can just try to catch me if you want.
00:33:27.000
I would like to see how many of those you have to drink to get drunk.
00:33:32.000
They used to sell them in the store, and then apparently what was going on was they were, it's a strong brew, and they would sit there fermenting, and then when they would test them after they had fermented for a while, the alcohol content would get over one half of one percent, which is like somewhere around where they need to draw the line.
00:33:49.000
Like if you get a non-alcoholic beer, it's got a wee touch of the booze in it.
00:34:08.000
When we're running, we're getting high as fuck.
00:34:16.000
That's one of the things that I was saying to everybody is that when this was over, when the whole thing was over, if somebody made a pill that made me feel how I feel when I have those hard workout days, I'd take that pill every day.
00:34:28.000
Oh, that's what I was going to tell you earlier.
00:34:31.000
I felt so much relief, but I felt like it was totally tied to days where I really worked hard.
00:34:39.000
But if it was like a medium workout, I still felt good.
00:34:45.000
But on the days where it was like three plus hours of working out, and I was totally spent, then I felt the most calm.
00:34:53.000
I mean, I know a part of that's physically just tired, but I had zero stress.
00:34:58.000
Do you guys think any of that's tied to, like, while you're doing it, you've got to be off all your technology for a while?
00:35:07.000
It's definitely a factor, R. I also, when you start talking about it, I tried to start doing things, like, in the morning, waiting.
00:35:29.000
Yeah, I wonder how much of that, too, because I felt sort of clear, too, but same way I do with skiing, where it's like you've got to take your mind off everything in a way.
00:35:38.000
When you're skiing, you can't look at your phone.
00:35:40.000
You're going down a fucking mountain, and you're just enjoying that, and that's part of what it is.
00:35:46.000
They've got a great app that tells you how fast.
00:35:51.000
I don't look at my phone while I'm skiing, but there is an app that tells you how fast you get going.
00:35:55.000
And dude, I got up to 40 miles per hour on a fucking snowboard.
00:35:58.000
And let me tell you, when I get down to the bottom, I'm like, real quick, what's my speed?
00:36:03.000
I'm always worried about people wiping out in front of me.
00:36:10.000
Yeah, but I got taken out by one dude on a mountain once.
00:36:22.000
And you realize you're testing your health out with all these other people.
00:36:25.000
And most of the time, people are doing their best.
00:36:30.000
And there's no drug test when you get on that fucking ski lift.
00:36:49.000
I would be with you guys, but I ski with my kids.
00:37:08.000
But at the end of the day, when it's me and Leanne, we go to Park City every year.
00:37:14.000
And at the end of the day, me and Leanne, I'll take a rip, and then we'll go down one.
00:37:22.000
All my toes flying into a fucking corner at 40 miles an hour.
00:37:27.000
Just thinking in my head, this could all really go bad right now.
00:37:34.000
I go, don't fall down, don't fall down, don't get hurt, don't fall down, don't get hurt.
00:37:44.000
Let's barely have any control of our bodies as we storm down the mountain.
00:38:08.000
I'll tell you what I want us to do as a group right now, and Joe's the only one that can get this to happen.
00:38:16.000
Dude, a foursome, it's the safest place to learn how to surf, and it's just like a two-hour drive.
00:38:24.000
I took two lessons in Indonesia and mastered and retired, but I can come out of retirement for this.
00:38:29.000
So you've had slightly more experience, which is almost none.
00:38:41.000
We'll get Kelly Slater to design some sort of board.
00:38:44.000
We have to wear some sort of heart rate monitor.
00:38:49.000
How much time on a board you can stand up over the course of a month in one of those artificial wave machines.
00:38:59.000
I guarantee you give Kelly Slater time right now to develop the board that has feet pads that measures your feet on a fucking board.
00:39:13.000
Time on a board standing up one of those artificial wave machines next year.
00:39:22.000
You have to give up your life and enlist in a place.
00:39:25.000
Move to fucking Hawaii with Shane Dorian and wear those fucking suits.
00:39:37.000
He got held under for two waves and I guess under there he decided to create these suits where they have CO2 carcasses.
00:40:02.000
We do the spring axis deer hunt on the island of Lanai.
00:40:17.000
My favorite thing he said in that podcast was when he goes, you go, what do you do for fitness?
00:40:39.000
I'm going to keep up spin class and try to do, on evenings, try to do a six-mile jog.
00:40:55.000
In all honesty, after my piss came out of weird color, I really did have phantom pains in my kidneys.
00:41:10.000
I really did have some weird phantom idea that there was a pain.
00:41:17.000
Because the whole thing was, a lot of that rhabdo, and here's the thing about, it's called rhabdomyelosis, is that how you say it?
00:41:26.000
Rhabdo has actually been the source of death for a few fighters.
00:41:33.000
Where guys got really beat up in a crazy, really difficult fight, and the thing that did them in was they were probably over-trained, and they probably did too much in the gym, didn't give themselves enough time to recover, and then had a really brutal fight.
00:41:48.000
So when you're young in particular, you're a little too wild, and you don't recognize that there's like this point of diminishing returns when it comes to training.
00:41:58.000
Well, see, we pushed into some weird place, man.
00:42:00.000
But we did get through that a few times, though.
00:42:04.000
We should have like, oh, it was too much, we gotta give up.
00:42:05.000
And we kept going, and then it became okay again.
00:42:13.000
So the thing about when you're a fighter, if someone's kicking your ass, you might push even past where we pushed in terms of output in any particular hour or any particular half hour, 40 minute session.
00:42:29.000
Sometimes you get forced into 90% for long periods of time.
00:42:33.000
Especially if someone's better than you, or especially if you're tired from training.
00:42:37.000
So a lot of these guys are going into the fight, especially in younger guys who don't have maybe the most scientific coaches.
00:42:44.000
They're going into the fight severely taxed out.
00:42:47.000
Like November 1st, they're going into it like that.
00:42:51.000
Not only are they going into a fight like that, but they're going through a whole, you know, six, eight week camp like that.
00:42:56.000
Like they might be broken down like real early on, just pushing themselves through the whole thing.
00:43:01.000
And then they have like, at the end of it, their body's failing.
00:43:04.000
They haven't given themselves enough time to recover.
00:43:08.000
Your muscles, and it has something to do with proteins, that your muscles...
00:43:12.000
Pull up the actual, because I'm giving a really stupid definition of what rhabdomyelosis is.
00:43:22.000
Breakdown of muscle tissue, releasing a damaged protein into the blood.
00:43:30.000
That was crazy that, like, November 2nd, my muscles all felt sore for the first time all month.
00:43:37.000
Mine felt sore right away, and then not again for a while.
00:43:42.000
The thing in spin classes, like when you get out of the saddle and sprint, is I just got to a place where my legs were always fucking wasted.
00:43:49.000
And I was like, I want to try this again when my legs just aren't wasted.
00:43:55.000
I could now, at the end of this, run to the gym and back.
00:44:04.000
Dude, I felt such an improvement through the month.
00:44:19.000
I gotta say, Ari, I always knew that you had a strong mind.
00:44:29.000
But I didn't appreciate it as much as I appreciated this month.
00:44:33.000
For you to do it is the most impressive out of all of us.
00:44:36.000
Because you didn't do shit other than the occasional hike or fuck around and play basketball for like 10 years.
00:44:53.000
A normal is like 75 to 80. I should be around 175. And I should weigh 75 to 80. And then I got up to like 83, 87 last year after the cruise.
00:45:21.000
Maybe I'm the person who probably listens to this podcast the most, but you hear people talk about health and how they eat.
00:45:29.000
And in that challenge, the very last week, I started going, looking at food a tad bit differently, going like...
00:45:40.000
I wanted protein because I get done a workout and I go, let's do four eggs and a steak.
00:45:55.000
How crazy did you get, like, with eating when it was, like, really?
00:46:00.000
You know when they walked by with that little basket?
00:46:05.000
Because when you're doing the two workouts a day, the two-a-days, which I had a bunch of, you could net, yeah, you were hungry.
00:46:10.000
When I did that whole five and a half hours on the elliptical, I ate a box of animal crackers and I drank cream soda.
00:46:41.000
And then shit started to feel like it was failing.
00:46:49.000
I had some, like, my body was like, like, settle down, bitch.
00:46:56.000
I was like, okay, let's just keep going for a little bit.
00:47:03.000
Just started yelling racial slurs in the middle of it.
00:47:13.000
Feet on the floor nap where you just sit on your bed for a second and all of a sudden you're like, what?
00:47:17.000
I just go out like a light at the end of the night.
00:47:27.000
How long after we started did you start having the marijuana dreams?
00:47:36.000
So I tapered off all through September, and also I was on a lot of hunting trips.
00:47:41.000
You know, the elk hunting trip in Utah was seven days.
00:47:51.000
I decided early on with all that stuff that I just wanted to experience it as a natural human.
00:48:04.000
I don't want to take beta blockers so I don't get nervous.
00:48:12.000
I saw Adam Greentree, like, kill some elk in wherever the fuck he is these days, and a bear claimed it.
00:48:25.000
In the Yukon, and a grizzly bear claimed it and covered it with dirt.
00:48:44.000
A moose is 1,000 pounds bigger than that when it's fully mature.
00:48:54.000
Like there's hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pounds of meat.
00:48:57.000
1800 pounds moose might be seven, eight hundred pounds of it is meat.
00:49:05.000
So if you have two guys, you're taking out several loads.
00:49:08.000
So they took out one pack out and then they came back.
00:49:11.000
And a giant grizzly bear had claimed it and covered it up.
00:49:18.000
Adam Greentree is one of my favorite people to follow on Instagram.
00:49:21.000
But I know that no one likes when there's a lot of little bleeps in a story.
00:49:24.000
But when I go on Adam Greentree and he's got a hundred little dots, I go, oh, this is going to be a good one.
00:49:29.000
Yeah, it's adam.greentree on Instagram, and he's a bow hunter from Australia.
00:49:35.000
And Australia's an interesting place, because one of the reasons why, I mean, he's just a real smart guy.
00:49:43.000
A real deal in every way, and I'll pimp him out.
00:49:45.000
Dude, you should see the floor he has in his hunting cabin.
00:49:49.000
Dude, this guy is like, across the board, every part of a man you want to be.
00:49:53.000
His floor in his hunting cabin is fucking amazing, and he did it himself by hand.
00:49:57.000
Let's just establish, per capita, Australians are more manly.
00:50:05.000
Like, if you had to, like, see what's the numbers, there's the moose.
00:50:13.000
And also, you have to realize that Australia was a goddamn prison colony.
00:50:21.000
And so this is a big ass moose that he shot in the Yukon and a grizzly bear claimed it.
00:50:27.000
And so they went back to it and the grizzly bear had run off because he saw them coming, I guess.
00:50:32.000
And so they just stole what they could and got the fuck out of there before they panicked.
00:50:42.000
They dig stuff out, but they were scared while they were doing it and they got out of there.
00:50:48.000
This is the third of my friends that has had grizzly bear encounters over the last three or four years.
00:51:11.000
Oh my god, that's the craziest documentary ever.
00:51:18.000
It should be called A Gay Guy That Doesn't Have Really Good Friends Who Gets Eaten By Bears.
00:51:32.000
And there's audio and they didn't share the audio.
00:51:36.000
This is my friend Adam with a pistol out while Grizzly Bear's charging him.
00:51:53.000
That's a grizzly bear, and he's got a gun pointed at her.
00:51:55.000
And she's got her cubs, and she might charge him.
00:52:08.000
Yeah, he's got a pistol out, and here's the thing.
00:52:10.000
The pistol, it was the wrong size bullets, so it wouldn't have racked normally.
00:52:17.000
It looks like he's discharged all his ammo, like his gun's out, because it's jammed.
00:52:23.000
So he's standing out there pointing a gun that the only way he could get a bullet in it is if he opened up the barrel himself, stuck the bullet in, and then closed it so he'd have one shot, no matter what.
00:52:37.000
The differences in the size of the ammunition was off.
00:52:45.000
He got a gun just to protect himself from that thing.
00:52:50.000
I cannot believe how excited I just got right then.
00:52:57.000
He goes, when that thing was charging me, I mean, I believe, did he talk about it on the podcast?
00:53:06.000
But when he talked about the way it was charging him, where the hair was popping up on it, and you could see it, I mean, it stopped, it false charged him.
00:53:12.000
So I charged him and stopped within like, you know, five yards of him.
00:53:18.000
And it's a giant female grizzly bear that would just tear you apart.
00:53:26.000
Well, because he's trying to leave, but it doesn't trust him.
00:53:31.000
So it's closing in on him and looking at him and deciding maybe whether or not he's a threat and moving in on him.
00:53:38.000
So he was stuck in this position where he couldn't get away from it.
00:53:44.000
So he was trying to get away and he was moving in a different direction.
00:53:54.000
Dude, I hiked the Appalachian Trail when I was in college.
00:54:10.000
I've never seen one in the wild except once in Alberta.
00:54:15.000
The one I saw in Alberta was only like six feet.
00:54:18.000
But it was enough to look in its eyes and go, whoa, that is a different thing!
00:54:23.000
Because a black bear doesn't look at you like that, man.
00:54:26.000
Black bears, if you run into a black bear in the woods, they look at you like, what are you?
00:54:33.000
Well, what it is is there's brown bears, and then those are the ones that live on the coast, and then everything that's interior is called a grizzly bear.
00:54:49.000
But isn't like a straight-up brown bear usually bigger than a grizzly?
00:54:55.000
The thought is that the Kodiak brown bears, the enormous ones, which are the biggest ones on Earth.
00:55:03.000
My other friend who got attacked by a grizzly, Steve Ranella, he has a podcast about it on a podcast called Meteor.
00:55:21.000
They hung some of it up, and they came back to get it after they packed some of it out.
00:55:27.000
And when they came back, a grizzly bear claimed it, and they didn't know it.
00:55:31.000
So they were trying to pack out that food, or the rest of the meat, and when they did, a bear charged them and ran through their camp.
00:55:42.000
He was with my friend Giannis Poutelis, my friend Remy Warren.
00:55:48.000
My other friend Dirt Myth and maybe one other guy.
00:55:52.000
I know all these hunters and I've never hunted in my life.
00:55:55.000
I think there's like cameramen, there's a bunch of people and this enormous 11 foot bear ran through the camp.
00:56:01.000
And they said it was the biggest fucking thing.
00:56:03.000
It was so different than anything they could have expected.
00:56:10.000
They said, like, Rinello, when he describes it, he describes it.
00:56:12.000
Rinello's a brilliant guy, but he's also a very well-read guy.
00:56:21.000
So when he describes this interaction between them and an 11-foot coastal brown bear, which are, like, the biggest bears on Earth.
00:56:31.000
Next to the grizzly, are the polar bears bigger?
00:56:33.000
Or the coastal brown bears of Kodiak, Alaska, that area?
00:56:39.000
Aren't those polar bears just the fucking most violent?
00:56:44.000
Everybody wants to save them because of Klondike bars and fucking Coca-Cola.
00:56:49.000
Have you ever seen them when they can sniff out through ice?
00:56:55.000
You'll just see the wildlife footage and they're just...
00:56:58.000
Sniff ice and then they put their paws together and they start dropping all their body weight down to crack the ice and then they'll jump in and just pull out a seal.
00:57:09.000
Do you think we could tap into that part of our brains?
00:57:19.000
There's a reason why you have an iPhone, and you live in a fucking nice house, and you got a TV, and a nice car.
00:57:26.000
That's because you don't have no polar bear genes.
00:57:29.000
There's somebody out there with polar bear genes, though, for sure.
00:57:42.000
What's crazy about this month is inspirational people on Instagram.
00:57:47.000
Like to listen to them and to really draw inspiration.
00:57:50.000
I got, dude, one more Hunter, last name I'll say.
00:57:56.000
When you go and put in one of those days and realize he's running a marathon every day.
00:58:05.000
But let me just, in his defense, he would step in and probably say right now, that's not sustainable for the whole year, but what he does is when he's ramping up for a big 200-plus mile race, he does a marathon a day.
00:58:17.000
Okay, can I say something on the opposite side then?
00:58:21.000
Where the guy went to tell them of the victory in Marathon?
00:58:34.000
The message is not that you should do marathons.
00:58:36.000
The message is the best way to kill pussies is make them run marathons.
00:58:44.000
I read Cameron's comments before, and I like that he has, I mean, he's sincere and I get it, but he has to pretend to be impressed when, like, people tell him, like, I ran two miles today.
00:59:02.000
He'll remind of mine and go, hey, brother, great job.
00:59:05.000
And I'm like, you know he thinks six miles is Dude, I asked him.
00:59:10.000
I'm like, hey, what do you think of Burt running the marathon?
00:59:16.000
You're being cynical about a dude who wears cowboy boots most of the days.
00:59:26.000
And I'm saying that I read those comments and I laugh.
00:59:37.000
Do you think he really looks at me running a marathon and goes, that's impressive?
00:59:45.000
I'm trying to tell you, he's one of my best friends.
00:59:47.000
The guy's the nicest guy in the world, and he started out not being able to run for shit.
00:59:52.000
He started out doing a mile and fucking dying and going, how the hell could anybody ever run a marathon?
01:00:00.000
And then he got to this point where he could run ultramarathons.
01:00:03.000
Do you know why he would definitely think it's impressive that you ran a marathon?
01:00:07.000
Because he knows running so well, and he's run so many, he knows what somebody who can run a marathon looks like.
01:00:17.000
And then when he saw you, he was like, that's fucking impossible.
01:00:22.000
It's like if your daughter goes, I went on stage, and you go, how long did you do?
01:00:32.000
Well, if you know someone, they've been doing comedy for a year, and then they tell you they just did an hour, you're like, wow, that's impressive.
01:00:38.000
But if you just got back from Memphis, I go, how much time do you do?
01:00:51.000
But it is impressive if someone who's like maybe one of your opening acts does an hour 15 minutes in Cleveland somewhere.
01:01:03.000
But if you tell me that you did that, I'd be like, yeah, that's what you do, bitch.
01:01:14.000
I did an hour and you're like, wow, look at you.
01:01:29.000
If Big J was like, I did an hour in Madison, you're like, wait, hold on, stop right there, dude.
01:01:47.000
Dude, when I first started out, 45 was the number.
01:01:56.000
Yeah, which is an hour and a half show, which is most people what they think their attention span is.
01:02:00.000
Which is, like, honestly, it's kind of accurate.
01:02:03.000
I mean, I think 45, like, we're just, you know, it's too short.
01:02:06.000
Two hours is pushing it for people's attention span.
01:02:14.000
Well, I think a 90-minute show, I'm saying, like, with everything.
01:02:22.000
Sets where I did a lot of stand-up and it was rockin' and rollin' for a while and then I'd do Q&As with people and it would go on too long.
01:02:29.000
I don't agree because I know for a fact that it's not right for me, but for you a Q&A would be interesting.
01:02:39.000
It would be more interesting if people didn't see an hour and a half of comedy first.
01:02:45.000
The problem is not whether or not it's good stuff.
01:02:46.000
The problem is, how much good stuff do you want all day long?
01:02:50.000
Nobody wants their dick sucked eight hours a day.
01:02:54.000
Yeah, but counterpoint, if you did an hour and twenty of really solid comedy, and then was like, alright, now we're gonna do Q&A for a while, it's gonna be different.
01:03:02.000
But meanwhile, you guys who bought your ticket for a show, it's like a whole festival now.
01:03:06.000
We did the stand-up, now let's have some fun times.
01:03:08.000
I think, dude, I'll tell you, I think the closer that you are to 60, if it's polished and good, that's the best show you can play.
01:03:22.000
I won't say I won't speak for everyone, but I'm not doing that right now in that I'm working on my 60. So in order to work on my 60, I have to do an hour of 50. Yeah, but that's different, because you're figuring it out.
01:03:38.000
The idea is not that 60 is the number that you shouldn't pass.
01:03:40.000
The idea is that when you think about it as a thing where people want to see, where you've got it locked down perfectly from start to finish, you really want an hour and a half.
01:03:50.000
And you want your opening act to do at least 20, 25 minutes.
01:03:59.000
There's nothing wrong with that, but I like to bring headliners with me.
01:04:05.000
I bring Tony Hinchcliffe all the time, Ian Edwards.
01:04:09.000
Dude, Ian Edwards is the funniest motherfucker.
01:04:13.000
I would say he's the most underrepresented comedy guy.
01:04:25.000
I've known Ian since like 1990. Yeah, I met Ian in 2002, 2003. We did a Pauly Shore thing in Miami and Rogan was like, who are you doing with us?
01:04:46.000
He gets writing gigs on sitcoms and all these other different shows.
01:04:50.000
And one of the things about writing gigs is, first of all, it's very convenient.
01:04:54.000
You stay in town and you get paid a nice amount of money.
01:05:01.000
But the problem is you're not out there building your name in different cities and building up markets.
01:05:06.000
And you're not putting out a lot of comedy specials.
01:05:20.000
He's the nicest fucking person you're ever going to meet, too.
01:05:38.000
You know what I like about him is most of the person, when you're riffing jokes around a crowd, and they rely on someone getting offended sometimes when you say something horrible.
01:05:46.000
But since it's all comics, everyone's like, huh, yeah.
01:05:49.000
But Ian is willing to be like, oh, dude, that is out there.
01:05:53.000
And you're like, hell yes, I need that, thank you.
01:06:03.000
Yeah, I did all my gigs getting ready for my last Netflix special were all with Ian or with Tony.
01:06:17.000
I like the set so much, I bought the shoes he was wearing.
01:06:29.000
I remember doing it when he put 15 people in the room, him and Red Band.
01:06:33.000
Dude, they are selling out everywhere they fucking go, and it's a brilliant idea.
01:06:43.000
That kind of situation where someone bombs and does one minute, he's a little murderer.
01:06:53.000
Dude, how many times have you sat next to him and he lights someone up and you hit him and you go, I'm three steps behind you.
01:07:03.000
I feel it down my back when he starts fucking lighting.
01:07:13.000
At the end of the minute, Red Band gives them a meow.
01:07:43.000
Back in the day when we were coming up, no one ever gave us props for being funny and young.
01:07:47.000
And right now, when did that change in stand-up where everyone was like...
01:07:51.000
It became a community where everyone wanted to see people succeed.
01:07:54.000
Yeah, when I came up, I felt there was this weird, unnecessary competition between people.
01:08:00.000
Because I had come from a world of competition, so I was like, why are you guys pretending you're competing?
01:08:08.000
There's a few people that are going to get certain roles and things, but the way to look at it correctly was not that you're competing.
01:08:14.000
The way to look at it correctly, in my estimation, was that we're helping each other.
01:08:26.000
Well-crafted and hits me and surprises me, I get inspired.
01:08:31.000
And I think that when you see comics in a vacuum, like I remember when I was coming up, I would go on these weird tours.
01:08:43.000
Like there's a few scenes that weren't hacky, like Houston wasn't hacky.
01:09:01.000
I was like, oh, they don't have anybody good that they're around.
01:09:04.000
And I remember how bad I was when I first started.
01:09:08.000
How hacky my ideas were, how shitty they were, but I got lucky that I was around guys like Lenny Clark and Barry Crimmins and you know and then after that wave it was Louis C.K. and Marc Maron and there was a lot and there was all these guys that nobody ever heard of that were really good but super ethical about their material and like really sharp about you you broke the fuck meter you said fuck too much like when you say it it ruins it for everybody Like,
01:09:37.000
they would explain, like, this comedy theory to you that was, like, really high-level stuff that I remember thinking, like, why doesn't everybody just do that for everybody, like, all over the place?
01:09:47.000
Like, why does everybody, like, treat this as if there's, like, a famine situation going on?
01:09:56.000
No, bitch, you can't be in Cleveland every night and I'm going to be in Denver and you're going to be in Detroit.
01:10:04.000
We're the only people that understand each other in terms of what a bizarre human being it takes to be on stage.
01:10:16.000
Not that many people know how to do it, so we may as well talk to each other.
01:10:21.000
Because before the internet, everybody was like, I want to be the next host of The Tonight Show when Jay Leno retires.
01:10:29.000
Everybody had this idea of being one person who stood out in a limited amount of slots.
01:10:34.000
And then the internet came around and no longer was there a limited amount of slots.
01:10:41.000
But when I first started doing the acting shit, it's hard to remember what it was like back then.
01:10:46.000
No internet, and everything was on either NBC, ABC, CBS, or Fox.
01:10:58.000
There's also one person or one of 20 people who say, yes, you're in.
01:11:06.000
And this was for MTV, and this was for HBO comedy specials, and this was for all these things.
01:11:12.000
And it was good in that the people that got through were very high quality.
01:11:18.000
If you look back at the comics that became big off of HBO, they have the best record, I think, of all time.
01:11:25.000
If you were to judge, Chris Rock had HBO specials.
01:11:36.000
I think he put out 16. Before you saw it or you'll never see it again.
01:11:46.000
I got to see him run either the last one or the second to last one.
01:11:53.000
And he would run it always the night before I learned later at Comedy Magic Club, which I lived nearby for a while.
01:12:00.000
But I got to see him do it at Universal Amphitheater when that was still a thing.
01:12:06.000
He had it written down, and he told the 6,000-person audience.
01:12:10.000
He was working it like it was a fucking 80-person room.
01:12:19.000
So then he read the whole last bit, because it was really wordy.
01:12:25.000
And he's like, this is how I ended up memorizing this, so you guys are gonna listen to me fucking read it.
01:12:31.000
He would write a new monologue, essentially, and he would tighten up a little bit over the course of the year.
01:12:36.000
I thought this was a dog the whole time, for some reason.
01:12:48.000
For a second, I did, and then I just realized...
01:12:49.000
You thought it was a rat, and you're just so calm.
01:12:52.000
That's happened in my house, because our cat brings rats in the house.
01:12:54.000
Isn't it funny that we're so racist against rats, but yet squirrels get a free pass?
01:12:58.000
A squirrel in the house, I'm trying to put a net over it and bring the little fella outside.
01:13:02.000
If it's a rat, I'm trying to kill everybody he's ever met.
01:13:07.000
Someone said the only difference between squirrels and rats are their tails.
01:13:11.000
That's not totally true because rats carry plague and that's why we have an apprehension about them.
01:13:16.000
Tell that friend to go fuck himself with the shitty advice.
01:13:25.000
Listen, this month, here's one thing that did happen to me.
01:13:30.000
When it was over, did this month freak you out?
01:13:32.000
Like when it was over, when it was all said and done, like November 2nd maybe, I woke up.
01:13:39.000
How did I go from living this completely normal life of podcast guests and UFC to being involved in this fucking insane battle to the death?
01:13:49.000
Yeah, I mean, you know what else occurred to me?
01:13:52.000
This probably doesn't occur to you because of your history with working out, but I had that exciting but disappointing thought of like, wow, I can't believe how much I was able to do.
01:14:13.000
I was like, I could be doing a lot more than this.
01:14:21.000
If I could get there for an hour of running and an hour of weights twice a week, I'd be like, this is amazing.
01:14:51.000
So you're thinking four days for just a half an hour?
01:14:55.000
This changed my whole fucking way of looking at working out.
01:15:10.000
It's called the Kettlebell Extreme Cardio Workout by this guy, Keith Weber, who's a past guest.
01:15:16.000
This is the dude that is by himself in a fucking room, steady shot?
01:15:20.000
Well, he does a couple different variations, but one of them he did on a beach, and this is the one he did.
01:15:24.000
He just takes a 35-pound kettlebell, and you're like, how hard could this be?
01:15:28.000
35 pounds is not heavy, but you do it for 40 minutes.
01:16:04.000
Well, I'd stay above 80. What did you think about when you were doing it?
01:16:07.000
I thought about, I was trying to give my legs a rest.
01:16:14.000
And then when I was doing it, I would just think about points and Burt.
01:16:31.000
And there was a part of me that definitely felt very alone.
01:16:36.000
Because I never thought you could ever beat me.
01:16:46.000
Because I wanted to take you on a dark, dark, dark tour of all of your insecurities and all of your thoughts of mortality.
01:16:56.000
I wanted to take you into a place where you could never travel.
01:17:02.000
We're going to go to the bottom of the ocean, motherfucker.
01:17:05.000
As soon as I saw these numbers and you were saying you're going to do double, I went, okay.
01:17:13.000
You didn't get me mad, but you made me open up the door to the dark place.
01:17:20.000
First of all, you realize that when I was doing the videos, they were all for comedy effect.
01:17:25.000
I understand, but that doesn't matter to me when I'm in competition mode.
01:17:29.000
When I did the video where I go, Joe, I saw your numbers.
01:17:32.000
I came up with my dog, and then I pretended to lose my dog.
01:17:41.000
That was so funny because he definitely knew you were joking.
01:17:53.000
It serves me to take you very seriously and to take you to the dark place.
01:18:19.000
Alright, this is going to be my new favorite clip.
01:18:27.000
We are right after Bird has said he's going to double my score.
01:18:42.000
There's not a part of you that respected the Conor McGregor and me.
01:18:45.000
How dare you compare yourself to one of the greatest mixed martial arts fighters of all time who has the support of the entire nation of Ireland.
01:18:57.000
You know Conor McGregor looks at me and you and can explore with me.
01:19:09.000
If you said Connor, you got one hour to hang out with one guy, he's picking me, bro.
01:19:31.000
I hope he doesn't think that in any way that I don't respect him or appreciate him.
01:19:42.000
I called Tony Ferguson, who's literally one of my all-time favorite fighters.
01:19:50.000
Because he wears, like, ankle weights the way he is.
01:19:54.000
And I had to talk to him, and I had to, like, try to sort it out.
01:20:14.000
What we can brush off, it's way harder for them.
01:20:18.000
If you lose a fight and someone disrespects you or in public sentiment keeps you from getting a title shot, that's a significant part of their life.
01:20:29.000
And they're not used to dealing with public reaction.
01:20:32.000
What they're used to dealing with is competition.
01:20:34.000
So the public reaction thing of celebrity is an afterthought.
01:20:38.000
It's something, an after effect of competition, right?
01:20:40.000
You become successful, and then you have to deal with all these people around you that want you to dance.
01:20:48.000
He's a great fighter, but he's also a natural shit talker.
01:20:55.000
So why have you had Conor McGregor and Bernie Sanders on?
01:20:58.000
It's a weird situation that you haven't had either one of those people on.
01:21:13.000
I don't think he wants to run for president, man.
01:21:15.000
Why would he still not come out of here to show his ideas?
01:21:19.000
You know what I fucking love, by the way, about Conor McGregor?
01:21:21.000
Is that he made me re-appreciate the athlete who knows they're also an entertainer.
01:21:32.000
I mean, everyone would probably give Ali credit for being...
01:21:44.000
Look at him, he's smoking weed with Mike Tyson.
01:21:45.000
By the way, Mike Tyson owns a goddamn weed farm.
01:21:51.000
Jamie, make that smaller, please, so we can read what the hashtag is.
01:21:59.000
It used to say something about Tyson something or another.
01:22:16.000
It's really tricky about the UFC because I love...
01:22:20.000
Mike Tyson reportedly building a 40-acre weed farm.
01:23:04.000
Here, you know, all bullshit aside, there has to be some way.
01:23:11.000
There has to be some way for people to bounce back from horrible things, right?
01:23:22.000
Dude, I met Marion Barry on the Opie and Anthony show.
01:23:27.000
And as soon as he came in, I started asking him about crack.
01:23:32.000
We were all staring at him and Joe was like, I'll lead this.
01:23:36.000
My thought was like I had someone trapped in a corner.
01:23:43.000
Okay, just so you know, by the way, he was just in the hallway looking for his next interview and Norton run out and be like, hey man, you're in here.
01:24:00.000
You said, what a testimony to the American spirit you are, that you can come back from all these things and manage to reclaim yourself and become mayor again of Washington, D.C., despite everything you went through.
01:24:25.000
He said, I can't even smoke crack, but he didn't smoke crack.
01:24:31.000
I think he'd already realized legalese at that point.
01:24:39.000
I think he said, no one knows what was in that pipe.
01:24:54.000
You think you were smoking when you smoked whatever was in that pipe.
01:24:58.000
I mean, when you lit it up, what did you think was going to be?
01:25:30.000
I was so mad about doing this thing in the first place.
01:25:33.000
I didn't want to get talked into Sober October again.
01:25:56.000
Let me appeal to your fiscal sensibilities, Ari.
01:26:01.000
Like, I just want to tell you guys, this is like one of the most popular podcasts we've ever done, by far.
01:26:07.000
It is this whole series of podcasts we're doing, from the Weight Loss Podcast to last year's Sober October to this year.
01:26:12.000
Why would you call it Weight Loss Podcast instead of Fat Challenge Podcast?
01:26:23.000
Every curve is exactly where it's supposed to be.
01:26:34.000
Okay, but you guys, here's what you're going to say.
01:26:53.000
I do things that you all legitimately want to still be doing.
01:27:26.000
He told me, he was like, well, you just fucking sync up and just let me know if I have to get back on the treadmill.
01:27:45.000
I was like, I'm not doing 700. I went, I did a day time.
01:27:54.000
It's Japanese stuff that's from my friend Todd White.
01:27:57.000
Dude, I was supposed to have won all these fucking whiskey awards over the Scottish.
01:28:03.000
This is a shout-out to my friend Todd White, who I used to do jiu-jitsu with, who is now head instructor of John Jock Machado, Todd White Jiu-Jitsu Academy in Austin, Texas.
01:28:13.000
He's also a brilliant artist, super famous artist, and he sent me this because he's beautiful.
01:28:28.000
By the way, I go to your mom's house whenever I want to know what kind of weird nonsense is floating around the internet.
01:28:40.000
Best one ever right now is Garth fucking Brooks.
01:28:49.000
Hey, we should all cheers to this, what is it called?
01:29:20.000
I'm telling if he can fucking deal with his own thing.
01:29:39.000
Yes, you guys don't understand what it's like there.
01:29:44.000
I would walk by bars, longingly, going, I want to go in there now.
01:30:05.000
Bert is 53. But meanwhile, you guys, I'm two years away from 53. I'm 51. I know, but that's crazy.
01:30:13.000
That Bert is now 53. They changed his birthday in Wikipedia and everything.
01:30:23.000
Who's going to win the surf challenge next year?
01:30:31.000
This is the second, but here's what's important.
01:30:49.000
Do you understand what kind of fake news you're dishing out?
01:30:53.000
You guys have to wish Bert a happy 53rd birthday.
01:31:02.000
You guys are making me feel bad because I'm 24 months away from what you're making fun of.
01:31:09.000
Generally, when I say I'm 51, I'm like, is that real?
01:31:13.000
But you realize when you're 53, Bert will be 55. Oh, also, by the way...
01:31:29.000
You try to, because you're like, hey man, I'm not the fattest comic ever performing stand-up.
01:31:41.000
Fat's not necessarily bad if you've got all your other bases covered.
01:31:44.000
I don't understand how you lost so much weight and still managed to have that belly.
01:31:54.000
Are you going to stop saying that or are you going to double down?
01:31:59.000
Burt's tour, by the way, will validate the Mickey Mantle gene.
01:32:02.000
Because Burt's tour is like 10 shows a week, back to back weeks.
01:32:06.000
I mean, it's some real Mickey Mantle shit, for sure.
01:32:10.000
But it's like, I don't want to just lose my family.
01:32:15.000
How much fun would you have had back in the day?
01:32:18.000
I really think stand-up was totally globally different if you were on the road with Joey Diaz, Ari Shafir, Red Band, and a tour bus.
01:32:27.000
Oh, you guys would have had a fucking insane time.
01:32:37.000
You don't know, like, Ari and Joey and Red Band and Duncan, like, the road trips that we went on, the fun that we had, we didn't need more fun.
01:32:48.000
We just needed to appreciate what was happening while it was happening.
01:33:03.000
I feel weird with you being sober in this room.
01:33:21.000
You know when you're driving around, you're sitting in there.
01:33:24.000
You're sitting at that little fucking diner seat.
01:33:30.000
You're going 80 miles an hour down the highway, no seatbelt, the fucking 80,000 pound tuba metal.
01:33:40.000
What would you feel like if you listened to my voice?
01:33:43.000
And you heard it in your head, the moment your face was hitting the LCD screen.
01:33:54.000
And I was going, dude, just fucking take the day off and fly.
01:34:29.000
I don't want to hear this pull-back pussy shit.
01:34:44.000
If each one of us did a half an hour, we got a two-hour show.
01:35:13.000
Why don't you guys just butt fuck and get this over with?
01:35:28.000
No, I just want Ari to know that I never thought, does Ari love me more than I love him?
01:35:33.000
But now that you think about it, do I love him more than he loves me?
01:36:11.000
Okay, so Tom, when we got this thing, I was like, I don't want to do this.
01:36:20.000
And then you did the same thing with Bert, I think.
01:36:23.000
Anyway, I got an email about the 10th or 12th of October from some lady at Snap Fitness in Shawnee, Kansas, saying, hey, just so you know, you're accidentally registered in my gym, and we are doing an October challenge.
01:36:48.000
I was like, I can take you out, but I'm in a podcast challenge with my friends Rogan, Tom Segura, and Bert Kreischer.
01:36:55.000
And he goes, oh, Bert Kreischer, he's in sixth place.
01:37:01.000
For a second, you were like, oh, Bert Kreischer.
01:37:06.000
He was so excited that you were going to say that she was like, Oh, Bert Kreischer, the comedian.
01:37:27.000
She's like, that's my all-time favorite comedian.
01:38:06.000
But I have to be honest, as humble as I try to be, if she said, oh, Joe Rogan?
01:38:14.000
Dude, by the way, I recognize that because that's exactly how I feel.
01:38:17.000
You would be like that if someone said Thompson were like, oh my god, disgraceful!
01:38:21.000
She's like, I see this fucking name on my board.
01:38:26.000
Anyway, so I was like, yeah, you can take me off.
01:38:28.000
Just don't make sure my points don't start over.
01:38:34.000
Do you understand that we got better as a score in terms of how well we did in comparison to most people?
01:38:46.000
Much higher than Elizabeth Warren is claiming to be Native American.
01:38:56.000
We're closer to Calahans than she is in Pocahontas.
01:39:17.000
So Micah, Brian, and Sean, I worked out with them all month.
01:39:31.000
He puts you on his legs like a baby, holds you up, stretches you and shit.
01:39:38.000
And I was like, do you normally do with like two people on one guy?
01:39:50.000
That guy was anticipating a human centipede on a trampoline.
01:40:24.000
You guys are crazy to be thinking about this level.
01:40:32.000
You guys are crazy to be focusing on the wrong things.
01:40:35.000
Yes, I've spent more time with Ari than any of you.
01:40:40.000
So if one of you tried to attack Ari, I have a problem with that.
01:40:53.000
I don't know you as well as I know him for a million hours.
01:41:07.000
I don't love anybody anymore, but if one of you fucks with me...
01:41:13.000
If we're on an island, you've got to eat someone first!
01:41:38.000
I would 100% pull you aside and be like, who do you want to kill, bro?
01:41:53.000
The problem is, you don't want to die knowing you ate your friend, and it didn't matter.
01:42:02.000
You don't want to die knowing you ate your friend to live!
01:42:05.000
If you hadn't said this, and this scenario is real, the three of us would be so paranoid about you killing us that we would definitely kill you.
01:42:15.000
We would be like, everything is cool, and then we would take rocks and just absolutely fumble you.
01:42:22.000
Hey, Tom, can I talk to you about over here for the second?
01:42:28.000
So tonight, when he sleeps, we've got to definitely kill him.
01:42:35.000
I'll get the big rock, and you get the other rock.
01:42:39.000
How do you think we would go about killing him?
01:42:41.000
We would have to make him think that we're definitely not thinking about that.
01:42:44.000
Of course I don't think you're thinking about it.
01:42:50.000
We'd sit by fire, and then I would go, hey, Joe, when you eat marijuana, does that break down differently in your liver than other things?
01:42:59.000
I'm just going to walk around behind you real quick.
01:43:03.000
No, you gotta think that he would be thinking the same thing too.
01:43:06.000
So he's like, oh fuck, I would never turn against these guys.
01:43:08.000
But for sure when I'm thinking about it, they think if I could turn against them, I would.
01:43:16.000
You just gotta accept the fact that you're gonna starve to death.
01:43:19.000
You gotta accept it because if there's only four of us left and we're in the woods and we're stuck on the top of a mountain and no one's gotten to us yet, what are the odds they're gonna get to us?
01:43:37.000
I would say immediately, guys, I see what's on both your minds.
01:44:03.000
If it was just us, if it was just us living in the woods, if the world went to shit and we're like on an episode of Life Below Zero, we live in some sort of fucking house that we have to put together ourself, we'll make it.
01:44:16.000
Just like we got through this weird month, okay?
01:44:19.000
What's fucking strange about being a person is that you don't know what your boundaries are.
01:44:27.000
So all of a sudden, when something comes up that requires way more of what you're used to putting out.
01:44:36.000
But isn't that fucking with your perspective at all?
01:44:55.000
I think you already go, I'm not doing enough already.
01:44:58.000
So then when you have that thought and you do a month like that, then you go, I'm really not doing enough.
01:45:54.000
And I was like, dude, welcome to fucking drugs.
01:45:57.000
That's what I picture Ari, Big League Chew laying pipe.
01:46:03.000
I kept meaning to wear the fucking, the strap while it was fucking.
01:46:11.000
You said something about my cock fast and hard.
01:46:16.000
Hold on, they don't know what you're talking about.
01:46:19.000
Right at the end of the last day, I put it on right at the end, though.
01:46:21.000
But I was like, you know how your heartbeat goes down fast?
01:46:24.000
Yeah, by the time it went down to like 170. 12 points.
01:46:37.000
You know what you should have done just for science?
01:46:44.000
When I was doing it, it wasn't moving out of the gray.
01:46:51.000
I had turned off the Bluetooth because it was based on my headsets that I just worked off, and it cut off the monitor.
01:46:59.000
If your Bluetooth wasn't on, it didn't register points.
01:47:07.000
I cut off the headset so I could hear the porn on my phone.
01:47:10.000
So I cut off the Bluetooth so I could watch the porn.
01:47:13.000
And by the way, I had to sit down like a catcher.
01:47:20.000
I was like, yeah, so I'm squatting, I'm pumping up a little bit, pumping.
01:47:28.000
12 points, but I was afraid I didn't register them at all.
01:47:34.000
Oh, no, that's four minutes, because you're in the green.
01:47:39.000
You know, in a lot of those Kung Fu classes, they make you do a horse dance, and they make you hold it.
01:47:45.000
Get into a horse dance, stand like this, and you just hold it.
01:47:49.000
They make you stand for like 40 minutes, 45 minutes.
01:47:54.000
Yeah, there's a lot of really wacky ideas in regards to kung-fu type training.
01:47:59.000
Some people just make up their own protocols, like stand in a horse stance, stand there for one hour.
01:48:07.000
Put your hand over the flame for as long as you can.
01:48:10.000
It's also the same thing that happened to us this month.
01:48:32.000
I'm going to go to the bathroom while he's going to the bathroom.
01:49:01.000
I couldn't believe you did, but I... I wasn't completely surprised.
01:49:17.000
Like, we've been friends for a long time, and I've always said, like, Hari's just got this, like, very strong mind.
01:49:26.000
You know, you're not a guy who gives up on shit, and you're a guy who thinks through things.
01:49:33.000
Through those last few days, I was like, I think if I can get, like, right after they go to sleep, a bunch of points, and then right before they wake up, another bunch of points, which was, like, beginning of my night, end of my night, I could break them mentally.
01:49:49.000
Yeah, and then you wrote me right then, like, hey, man, you're pretty smart.
01:50:00.000
I mean, there was one day that you ran 15 miles.
01:50:06.000
I was like, do you understand that Ari didn't work out for 10 years?
01:50:17.000
5,000 meters, 5 kilometers of rowing, and then biked for like...
01:50:45.000
First of all, every one of these challenges has just been a shit Joe Rogan's already doing.
01:50:57.000
That's why surfing is going to be amazing for us.
01:51:01.000
We're going to all end up on Pipeline in the lineup.
01:51:23.000
No, but I didn't know that that thing locked it.
01:51:27.000
Bert locks every door right before he goes through it.
01:51:31.000
When you were smiling, I thought he just wasn't coming in.
01:51:35.000
I thought you were intentionally not coming in.
01:51:44.000
Oh, I locked it walking out, but I didn't shut it.
01:51:46.000
I was saying, Bert's like, every door he goes through, lock it quick, what if the boogeyman comes through?
01:51:52.000
What does that feel like to have, actually, that actually means you're very distinct.
01:52:03.000
The first person I ever heard do it was Red Band.
01:52:05.000
It really caught me off guard when he was like, me, me, me, me, me, me.
01:52:47.000
Keith and the girl was doing it for a while before everybody started.
01:52:51.000
Damn, we should probably establish who was first, right?
01:52:59.000
Most professional politicians would be able to tell you who the first fucking president was.
01:53:10.000
There was internet radio and then it just became podcasting.
01:53:26.000
Adam Curry is an ex-VJ from MTV, and he is known as the Podfather, the guy that started podcasting.
01:53:32.000
Ricky Gervais has the first recognizable model.
01:53:35.000
I don't know his relationship history, but I think he's a George Washington.
01:53:58.000
Ricky Gervais, according to Wikipedia, Ricky Gervais is always right.
01:54:03.000
Which, by the way, lists your age at 53. We just put you at 73, bitch.
01:54:07.000
It's the always right thing that says 53. Fuck you, fake news.
01:54:13.000
2006, but in June 2005, Apple added podcasting to the iTunes.
01:54:32.000
Because that means when it was added to iTunes, it was already going as a thing.
01:54:39.000
It was already there, but it just wasn't on iTunes.
01:54:42.000
But wait, are you talking about different people?
01:54:44.000
You're talking about different people right now.
01:54:51.000
You're saying Apple was started, and then a year later...
01:55:11.000
You guys started asking more questions as I was looking through this.
01:55:13.000
This is an excellent excuse making you're making.
01:55:16.000
Before you get back to the doing, which you used to do, which is what we loved you for, you already got shit done.
01:55:25.000
You were on the correct thread to start off and say it was internet radio, because I was going to say I was recording internet radio talk shows in 2005. You were?
01:55:35.000
So there's a difference between, because MySpace was offering an app on a phone where you could do a podcast.
01:55:39.000
That's where the Monday morning podcast came up.
01:55:48.000
Jamie, if you had a guess, who do you think was number one?
01:56:00.000
That's what the international podcast day says.
01:56:07.000
It's not credited to him in that Wikipedia article.
01:56:12.000
It was him or that other guy that he does the podcast with?
01:56:16.000
There's another guy who's like a science tech guy.
01:56:25.000
But it should be noted that Bill Burr and Bobby Kelly definitely had podcasts way before this.
01:56:31.000
Where it gets tricky is podcasts were released on MySpace through a phone app.
01:56:48.000
You've been here for I don't know how many podcasts.
01:57:04.000
The one we did last year of this was pretty good.
01:57:11.000
Post yoga, when we were coming down, we were smoking weed, getting drunk.
01:57:17.000
One of the first fight companions because that started a whole series of things.
01:57:26.000
How about a guest that really, like, you go, like, holy shit.
01:57:29.000
Like, Kid Cudi and Maynard were probably my top two favorite.
01:57:40.000
What these few years have done is enhanced our friendship.
01:57:45.000
It's a great way to fucking do some work and get, like, closer to your friends.
01:57:50.000
Listen, we got fucking close to each other this month.
01:57:52.000
I think he should be fired, but let's talk back about what we were saying.
01:58:00.000
I feel like I really click with you guys the most.
01:58:08.000
Anyway, so when Tommy went down with the injury, when Tommy was like, hey, I think I'm injured, me and Bert were like, what is this?
01:58:36.000
But what we're talking about today is we're going to introduce five cities before Christmas to go on sale.
01:58:41.000
Because on Inside Studio G, you guys ask for a longer planning date so you can plan to be as many as you can.
01:59:00.000
The other three will be announced here shortly.
01:59:02.000
And again, they'll all be on sale before Christmas.
01:59:07.000
Every show is going to be game day or Garth day, however you want to look at it.
01:59:11.000
Come dress in your full color, support your team.
01:59:47.000
They sold out Notre Dame Stadium in under a fucking hour.
01:59:55.000
He's been so famous for so long that I think he really thinks, what are normal people like?
02:00:02.000
You know, if you said, like, how much is a bottle of whiskey?
02:00:07.000
He doesn't fucking have any idea, and his social media is really awkward, and it's the best thing in the world right now.
02:00:17.000
From the announcement, that Facebook one that you know was, you saw that one.
02:00:23.000
Christina just posted this video, I'm obsessed with Garth Brooks.
02:00:30.000
It's one of the best videos I've ever seen that I watched over and over and over again.
02:00:34.000
Did you see what your wife posted earlier with the lady getting hit in the head with the fish?
02:01:07.000
His wife's famous, but she's not as famous as him.
02:01:17.000
So he does that thing where he's like, I'm Mr. Yearwood.
02:01:41.000
But there's something fucking weird going on there, and I think he's got a couple bodies in the trunk.
02:01:50.000
You know how there's something about when you watch, or you remember back to Michael Jackson, and you're like...
02:01:59.000
But also, how incomprehensible is it to be as famous as he is?
02:02:07.000
Garth Brooks, for me, the part that's a reach or whatever is that none of my friends are ever like, hey man, did you hear that new Garth Brooks track?
02:02:15.000
I don't have anyone in my life talking about him, so he seems almost like a foreign entity, right?
02:03:04.000
I'm just saying he's not somebody that I regularly, or that I even talk to someone who's like, I'm going to Garth Brooks this weekend.
02:03:20.000
He has this show where whenever he's so famous that he'll just post, he'll be like, we're inside Studio G right now.
02:03:33.000
Studio G. Studio J. I'm already doing Studio G. Studio JRE. Studio JRE. He does weird waves where he doesn't know how to end a video, so he'll just be like, come see me at this stadium this weekend.
02:03:57.000
I'm obsessed with it now, and I found it through him in Push.
02:04:02.000
And I don't know if he's cut a video yet, but you know Vic Berger, the editor?
02:04:09.000
He just pulls the best content and edits it amazingly.
02:04:12.000
And he put up a bunch of Garth's Instagram stuff.
02:04:21.000
We should do a stadium tour where we just get comfortable.
02:04:43.000
Because here's the thing, he was like, we're going to do this in stadiums, where normally you see football teams, so wear your favorite football team's uniform, and then let's get physical while we're making music.
02:04:59.000
Sorry, there's a weird thing that happened for a little while, where if you were too theatrical, comics would get upset at you.
02:05:09.000
If you moved around too much, you got physical, you acted things out, people would literally shun you.
02:05:17.000
There's a few people that thought you should just stand there.
02:05:25.000
I want to say it was in the movie Comedian, Jerry Seinfeld, going, if I have a bit, I'll act it out because if it gets a bigger laugh, then that's the purpose.
02:05:32.000
And I remember feeling vindicated because I was super physical when I started.
02:05:38.000
I also embraced looking more like shit than I do, naturally.
02:05:42.000
So I would be like, if this shirt has a hole in it, wear it to do a set.
02:05:50.000
For some reason, I don't know why I bought into that.
02:05:56.000
Your mom's house fans are taking over his comments.
02:06:09.000
I'm curious because you dress specifically, which as a guy who wears no shirt and people go, oh, there must be no thought in that.
02:06:23.000
I've actually took me a second to recognize it.
02:06:29.000
There's another guy that's doing that, though, right?
02:06:43.000
How about the Stars Network sponsors the Chippendales Comedy Network?
02:07:00.000
I want all the muscles to be covered, everything to be non-form-fitting.
02:07:10.000
If I wear anything that's form-fitting, I get uncomfortable.
02:07:17.000
Otherwise, do you feel fine wearing form-fitting?
02:07:20.000
Somebody needs to fucking find your shirts that fit.
02:07:28.000
They're like, Joe Rogan's tried, but he can't find his shirt.
02:07:35.000
But I get it because there's also, have you ever done where you go, I'm going to get a bunch of clothes right now, and you put on something that feels cool, but then you look in the mirror and you're like, this is too cool.
02:07:53.000
You've got to wear something that makes you feel Cool enough and relaxed.
02:07:59.000
You can dress cool like a wedding or something.
02:08:05.000
But if you're like, if you put it on and you're like, oh, I look like I'm trying to be Jason Statham right now.
02:08:11.000
You guys need to fuck with these rubber jeans, man.
02:08:15.000
You feel like you're like, you look in the mirror.
02:08:41.000
This is so much better than being on an elliptical machine for five and a half hours.
02:08:54.000
Next year, I have to wake up and go, fuck these idiots and bring pressure.
02:09:16.000
You can do whatever you want once October gets started.
02:09:37.000
You don't want to ask Shane Dorian or Kelly Slater to teach you surfing because they don't have the time.
02:09:43.000
There's probably a ton of real surfing instructors that can teach you.
02:09:58.000
I teach you to fake surf for a month, but you gotta quit for sure.
02:10:04.000
How great would it be if Kelly Slater sat down with you and was like, and I'd like to try stand-up.
02:10:23.000
I remember one time, remember we went to Hawaii?
02:10:36.000
I'll just tell you it's better if you don't see it.
02:10:38.000
Tommy shaves my back and then he goes, should I shave my back?
02:11:05.000
Let's not go to places where we're going to get arrested for ridiculous shit.
02:11:09.000
Where would you go, seriously, if I said, hey, if we start in March, do you want to start doing some half-hour stadium sets?
02:11:20.000
Yeah, let's figure out where we're going to go.
02:11:22.000
Let's get together and sort this fucking thing out, boys.
02:11:41.000
Have you ever had a comic tell you, for real, not joking, sincere, that you can't follow me?
02:12:29.000
Hey, Tom, good for you keeping it together fucked up and drunk.
02:12:58.000
Just because I try to crack his vault doesn't mean I have a vault.
02:13:09.000
Seriously, I'll go through fucking CIA shit and I will not tell you a secret.
02:13:20.000
I've told you so many secrets, it's ridiculous.
02:13:21.000
If you told me this is a fucking secret, people could break my fingers and I wouldn't tell them.
02:13:36.000
I'll tell you the actual order of who can keep a secret and who cannot.
02:13:47.000
You should tell Burt Secrets if you want it to get out, but you don't want it to come from you.
02:14:06.000
Burt gets a fucking secret briefcase full of bullshit.
02:14:22.000
I have to file it into significance or incident evidence.
02:14:25.000
It's possible, though, if you don't make it very clear that it's like, fucking goddammit.
02:14:31.000
I'm always looking out for your best interests.
02:14:36.000
Till this point, I always thought then, I was the most vaulted.
02:14:41.000
But the way you talk makes me think that you might also have my understanding of when someone shares something with you.
02:14:50.000
If you tell me that that dies with me, I will never betray you.
02:14:54.000
I'll let it out once it's all out to everybody and be like, oh, just so you know, I knew about that 12 years ago.
02:15:00.000
Yeah, but there's also different levels of people telling you something.
02:15:04.000
And there's stuff where you make the judgment, you're like, this is some bullshit.
02:15:08.000
And then there's stuff where you're like, this is a little more serious.
02:15:11.000
And then there's stuff where somebody tells you something and it's actually something that could affect their life.
02:15:16.000
And there's a 0% chance I would ever say something that you told me.
02:15:23.000
If you ever told me something severe, I promise you would never have to worry about me saying anything to anybody.
02:15:36.000
But one reality is that sometimes one of your friends will say something that's disturbing, and you're not sure if you have talked to somebody about it.
02:15:47.000
Oh, like, I think about killing myself, or like, yeah.
02:15:51.000
When you and I... But I'm not thinking, I'm not saying this in terms of that.
02:15:54.000
When Ari and I had these kind of conversations, and I didn't know...
02:15:57.000
Then you're like, do I talk to people about this?
02:16:01.000
I didn't know anybody who had gone to that place.
02:16:10.000
I've known people that have killed themselves, but I never knew anybody who confided in me that they were thinking of killing themselves.
02:16:20.000
You and I had spent so much fun time together, so much traveling on the road together, so many gigs.
02:16:30.000
I was like, you're a really hilarious comedian.
02:16:42.000
I don't know what the fuck it is, but it doesn't make any sense to me.
02:16:46.000
I've never had anybody confide in me like that.
02:16:50.000
That's when you're like, let me make the best what I think is a decision.
02:16:53.000
Instead of just going like, I want to share this.
02:17:00.000
You opened up about some shit that I was like, okay, I can't be responsible for this just based on my own personal judgment because I don't understand this that well.
02:17:11.000
And I was like, I've got to figure out what to do.
02:17:14.000
And then I reached out to friends who told me about psychiatrists and then we got together.
02:17:26.000
You're like, hold on, let me think about this now.
02:17:31.000
My thing is, if you're going to make me find out for myself, I'm going to tell fucking everybody.
02:17:38.000
I think you and I are on the same level with that.
02:17:45.000
Especially if I were to tell you this is a no, you would never fuck me up on that.
02:17:51.000
Unless someone brings it up in conversation and you're like, oh yeah, of course this happened.
02:17:56.000
I'll bury it so much I don't even think about it.
02:18:03.000
I would never sell someone out, but I would definitely...
02:18:09.000
But if you tell me to not say anything, that's different.
02:18:13.000
I appreciate that level of a friendship, too, where somebody goes, I will call you out on some bullshit.
02:18:20.000
I think Bert, if you told him this is definitely a secret, he would definitely not sell you out.
02:18:40.000
One time I gave up Ari's secret within 12 hours.
02:18:43.000
He told me a secret but I didn't understand it.
02:18:47.000
I understood that it was a secret but he didn't say it was a secret the way he wanted it to be a secret.
02:18:51.000
This time we went hiking and I was like, hey, I have a secret hike.
02:18:54.000
Can I trust you to not share the hike with you that you won't share with anybody?
02:19:12.000
He told me a secret one time before last Sober October.
02:19:34.000
I've told you and Joe more secrets than anyone.
02:19:43.000
He goes, maybe you should never tell anyone what you're about to say.
02:19:48.000
But just from your point of view, for a second, it seems like you're worried about telling this guy's secret.
02:19:53.000
You being able to say nosy Jew is such a beautiful thing.
02:20:16.000
Me saying it, me saying you saying it can get me in trouble.
02:20:19.000
It's not quite the N word, but it is the J word.
02:20:23.000
It's like, you know, it's like blue in the my zones points.
02:20:50.000
My favorite n-word argument is when like the old guy, the old white guy goes like, well, why can they say it?
02:20:57.000
That's an immediate green light that that guy's super racist that he's like, he's like, I don't get it.
02:21:06.000
Why are you pretending you need that explained to you?
02:21:10.000
Do you know what's the most underlooked racist thing in this country?
02:21:19.000
They literally make it more difficult for Asians to get into Harvard than anyone else.
02:21:43.000
By the way, it is racist and you're crazy enough to let them in.
02:21:47.000
Do you remember when you were growing up where in my high school the standards that Asian families put on their Asian children was through the roof.
02:22:08.000
I literally grew up from 15 to 21 around a ton of Korean people.
02:22:17.000
He looks great for 53. I was around a ton of Asian people.
02:22:31.000
And George and Isla would have a hard time doing homework with Leanne.
02:22:35.000
And one time, one of the Korean moms goes, why don't you just switch up?
02:22:41.000
Because our children won't give us what they need, but they'll give a stranger what they need.
02:22:45.000
The Korean moms were switching up and doing homework with us.
02:23:32.000
I don't know if it's funny per se, but it's really good.
02:23:55.000
Remember, we can't do any surfing until October 1st.
02:24:06.000
It seems like these guys all decided that you're going to do something, and they called you, and you're like, what?
02:24:18.000
By the way, everything was set until your fucking ass got on the phone.
02:24:27.000
Listen, I've been Ari's friend for a long time.
02:24:30.000
Do you realize right now you'd be on a Gulfstream fucking G450 with bird pain in the bill?
02:24:45.000
We're going to present you with that belt in the moment.
02:25:10.000
Ladies and gentlemen, be one of three people to present this belt.
02:25:23.000
And I would like to say, on behalf of me, one of the three non-winners, I won't say losers, of the Sober October Fitness Challenge, Joe Rogan, much like Jesus before him, Where there was nothing and then there was winning.
02:25:53.000
This belt saying, you are the champion of Sober October.
02:25:59.000
I just want to stay, for the record, I was most impressed by you, and that if you had been exercising as long as I, I probably would have died trying to defeat you.
02:26:17.000
Joe, you showed us definitely what time it was.
02:26:34.000
I think that had a factor that was certainly a part of it.
02:26:41.000
But it ultimately is about TRT. Is that tight enough?
02:26:44.000
TRT? This is like an advertisement for TRT. At some point we're like, hey, it really does go to show you that steroids can help in athletic challenges.
02:27:06.000
There's a certain point you cross over as a person where you go, how much time do I have left?
02:27:18.000
I mean, I know you can have it many times, but let's say when you took it seriously.
02:27:24.000
When I was in my 30s, I would see my body not responding as well.
02:27:31.000
That was when I really started thinking about it.
02:27:35.000
Because I started seeing, like, I was working out really hard.
02:27:39.000
And as a boxing fan, I always knew when a really good boxer got into their 30s, you had to keep an eye on them.
02:27:50.000
They might get knocked out all of a sudden and they couldn't take a punch anymore.
02:27:58.000
He just could take a punch like nobody else, man.
02:28:02.000
Like this guy could just bang on the chin and people would be freaking out.
02:28:06.000
Like, how does this guy take punches like this?
02:28:08.000
And then one day he couldn't take them anymore.
02:28:11.000
It was a cumulative effect of all the punches landed, but it was also age.
02:28:16.000
Like, almost all of the great champions, they get into their 30s, and they just fall, like, they start to slide.
02:28:23.000
I mean, at the, or, I don't know, how much did you question hormone replacement or anything like that?
02:28:29.000
Like, did you freak out about the thought of it?
02:28:33.000
I just wanted to see, like, what do smart people who study that think?
02:28:40.000
They were all like, there's a bunch of things you can do.
02:28:43.000
And we talked about this when we were talking about...
02:28:48.000
If you've got a good doctor, they're not going to just put you on any kind of hormone replacement first.
02:28:54.000
The first thing they're going to do is exercise you.
02:29:01.000
They're going to ask you what you eat, how much do you sleep, how stressful is your life.
02:29:06.000
They're going to try to sort things out that way first.
02:29:26.000
And maybe you're 34 but you're just tired after work.
02:29:35.000
But then there's guys that are like 49, 50, 51, 57. And they're just fucking tired.
02:29:47.000
You can keep being tired, or you can get your testosterone replaced, and you're not as tired anymore.
02:29:54.000
You feel like an actual person, not like a decaying person.
02:29:58.000
Because that's a lot of what makes you feel like a decaying person, is the body's lack of production of hormones.
02:30:08.000
They think this is the case with a lot of people that have had head injuries.
02:30:14.000
For people that have been in car accidents, people that have been beat up, people that have had a lot of head injuries, your body stops producing a lot of your hormones correctly because your pituitary gland gets damaged.
02:30:28.000
So for all those reasons, like, at a certain point in time, whether it's 50 or 60 or 70 or 80, you gotta, one, accept your mortality, and two, accept the idea that there are certain things that have been discovered scientifically that can enhance the time that you have left.
02:30:50.000
Dive into them and listen to science and experiment, trying to figure out what works best for you or you don't.
02:31:02.000
Like watching, I literally was like, I was like, man...
02:31:07.000
I think my lifestyle, there's a lot of things I could fix before I added things, you know?
02:31:13.000
Like get off blood pressure medicine and drink less.
02:31:20.000
A really ethical doctor would go to that immediately.
02:31:24.000
That would be the first thing they would go to.
02:31:26.000
They would say, you gotta just fix that because, listen, you ran a fucking marathon, man.
02:31:35.000
You figured out a way to run a marathon with very little training, you know?
02:31:40.000
And then you did, what was that stupid Spartan race thing?
02:31:47.000
Running around throwing fucking sandbags and shit.
02:31:56.000
Like, if I set a goal and I do go, oh, I got that coming up, I think it helps me.
02:32:00.000
I'm not the kind of person that you just kind of float in the water and not know what I'm doing.
02:32:06.000
We're just unnerved by the expectations of any kind of challenges that we subscribe to.
02:32:12.000
We just decide, okay, we're all going to agree.
02:32:14.000
The whole month of October, we're just going to go crazy and do cardio five hours a fucking day and try to kill each other.
02:32:27.000
If everyone just did 100 a day, I could have done 110 in one.
02:32:33.000
Surfing would be really Did you discover anything through your sobriety?
02:32:42.000
It's good to clean out the pipes, but what's more important is understanding how different everything feels when you work out for four hours or whatever it was, the average day.
02:32:54.000
If you looked at the whole month, I probably worked out four hours every day.
02:33:03.000
There was quite a few three hour sessions followed by three hour sessions at night.
02:33:10.000
You did a lot of weights also, which didn't give you much points, but gave you like fucking tons of time.
02:33:17.000
It was like, I just have to mix it up or I'll go crazy.
02:33:20.000
Yeah, there were times at the end of a workout too where I'd be like, I don't care if it's not important.
02:33:26.000
It was a thing where I was in this weird high state, this weird post-long workout high state, and I just wanted to keep it going.
02:33:37.000
I just wanted to keep flowing and relaxing while I was lifting weights and doing kettlebell swings and shit.
02:33:48.000
I wanted to do something that was just moving my body, almost as if I was cooling it down after all that exercise.
02:33:58.000
After it was over, I was like, what the fuck happened?
02:34:01.000
It was like we got possessed by a wizard's spell, and all of a sudden we're trying...
02:34:07.000
We hit 0.1% of all the people using this fucking thing.
02:34:13.000
I went down to that fucking gym, and I was like, hey, I want to sign up for whatever.
02:34:17.000
I'm like, I'm just going to start working out right now, so...
02:34:24.000
But do you know how nuts it is that four middle-aged comedians hit 0.1%?
02:34:31.000
I'm obese according to all their ridiculous metrics.
02:34:44.000
Dude, when I saw that thing of you running in the hills, saying that you were going to double me, that's all I needed.
02:34:59.000
I'm like, we're going to go down the dark road, Bert Kreischer.
02:35:04.000
When Tommy comes back, you've got to play the Nicky Glazer clip.
02:35:15.000
When Tom got 600, dude, so me and Bert, when he got sick, it was like, okay, cool, he's done.
02:35:19.000
We both separate ourselves from him by about 700. And then we're like...
02:35:25.000
We were like, looks like Tom's out, pretty much.
02:35:29.000
It was like, yeah, that's cool, so we're not coming last.
02:35:31.000
And then you said, you're like, yeah, I'm still going to try to beat you, though.
02:35:34.000
I'm like, yeah, I mean, good luck, but you're not going to fucking do it.
02:35:37.000
And it was just like, oh, okay, we're still going to go on.
02:35:39.000
It's still going to go on with the fucking challenge.
02:35:41.000
Dude, I have to pay more compliments than anything in this because Ari Shafir, you really changed my perspective of working out, like of going the way I go.
02:35:53.000
If I get in a spin class and they go, alright, stay out of the saddle and you're paddling, I go, Ari would be still out right now.
02:36:16.000
I'll tell you, the reason why I knew- I thought you were dead last for sure.
02:36:29.000
One, Tom had been exercising on a regular basis, and even though he might have carried a little bit of body fat, he's actually a fit, strong guy with a strong mind.
02:36:52.000
I honestly was mad at you guys when you were like, we're going to Vegas.
02:36:55.000
I was almost going to be like, just to ruin it for you.
02:37:11.000
Now that we've done this, and to reward ourselves, I say, why don't we do something that would be fun?
02:37:22.000
No, I mean as a reward, going to Vegas at a boxing fight would be fun.
02:37:28.000
Watching any of you die surfing would be the most fun.
02:37:32.000
You have decreased the level of happiness I have with my life.
02:37:40.000
How much happier would you be if it was Bert dying?
02:37:45.000
You can't deny that you are very proud of yourself for your performance this month.
02:37:50.000
Because in my opinion, and I'm being 100% objective, your performance was the most impressive.
02:38:11.000
Tom showed me a 630 or something, and I was like, what the fuck?
02:38:15.000
And when he caught right up, and I was like, oh, fuck, I was ready to coast.
02:38:19.000
I saw a marathon one time where a guy went the wrong way.
02:38:23.000
He was in the lead, or neck and neck with the guy, went the wrong way.
02:38:25.000
Everyone had to say, no, no, no, you're going the wrong way.
02:38:30.000
And then he's like, oh, fuck, maybe a mile, you know?
02:38:32.000
And he had to, like, come all the way back and then try to catch up.
02:38:36.000
But that wasted space that late, and he started sprinting, and he sprinted right back to that other guy, who was already in first place.
02:38:44.000
I was ready to coast, and then when you started winning, I was like, oh no, I'm done.
02:38:55.000
Can I just say, though, instead of a boxing match, which I find boring, I'll be honest with you guys, I get it.
02:39:33.000
Walk around in sandals for a few days and we're back in no time.
02:39:51.000
I'm saying leave on a Monday, we're back on a Friday so you can go to your next...
02:39:54.000
You don't have to take off a gig if you don't want.
02:39:58.000
Go see some fights, have cigars, some Chang beer...
02:40:15.000
We sound like rich kids planning out their summer.
02:40:27.000
When I first started doing yoga, I was amazed at how shitty I was at it.
02:40:33.000
I didn't think I would be good at it, and I was worse at it than I thought.
02:40:44.000
We haven't totally determined what the loser has to do.
02:41:04.000
I mean, you're obviously set to win this thing, but I think Tom's going to sneak up.
02:41:10.000
You looked at his wrist yesterday, you go, what's a thousand something?
02:41:15.000
Just the calories he burned that day, a thousand?
02:41:21.000
I really think he's going to do something on this.
02:41:26.000
You gotta realize, though, Bert ran a marathon.
02:41:39.000
Yeah, I worked out for three hours and 20 minutes.
02:41:55.000
I will try to give you a fucking heart attack, you fat fuck.
02:42:39.000
See, when you're dealing with an entire month, you have 31 days of having to get after it.
02:42:49.000
The difference between me and Bert is I work out almost every day already.
02:42:54.000
So for me, it's just like those days off don't exist anymore.
02:42:57.000
So what I've decided to do on my days off is just do shit that I wouldn't normally do.
02:43:01.000
So I'll do the elliptical machine for two hours, or I'll do something else.
02:43:07.000
But the whole time I'm thinking, I'm going to break Bert.
02:43:12.000
You guys were talking about who you think about when you're really trying to get past that point where you're either you're kickboxing or even on an elliptical.
02:43:37.000
And this is so interesting to watch because you're right.
02:43:43.000
You're an extremely healthy guy, but you're now going to take it.
02:43:47.000
I can see the excitement on all of you to take this to just an excruciating level.
02:43:57.000
I'm excited to talk to you at the beginning of this when you're still pumped up about it.
02:44:01.000
And it's like you get a high from working out for three and a half hours a day.
02:44:05.000
Seventeen days from now, I'm going to be a beaten man.
02:44:08.000
You're not going to get a surge at the end when it gets close again, but 17 days, you're right.
02:44:16.000
You know, did you ever see there's a really interesting doll that's like Kung Fu?
02:44:40.000
There are guys who like to talk shit, and there's guys that don't like to talk shit.
02:44:50.000
I didn't, but I didn't think that it would go where it went in terms of how much time every day I was working out.
02:45:03.000
I thought in the beginning we would all just have some fun, work out an hour a day, and it would be competitive.
02:45:13.000
And everybody, I figured, Tommy and I, we talked about it.
02:45:15.000
We're like, everybody, the last week's going to sprint.
02:45:21.000
Bert, then you made that video and I was like, damn.
02:45:25.000
When you said you would double me, I was like, I'm going to take you.
02:45:30.000
I talked to Rogan here and he was like, fucking Bert.
02:45:39.000
You know for a fact that I made those videos out of love, right?
02:45:43.000
But I didn't, listen, I believe that right now, but it doesn't help me to believe that back then.
02:45:52.000
If you say something like that, even if you don't mean it, you said it, and I don't have to get mad at you, but I have to at least acknowledge there's a transference of energy.
02:46:03.000
It makes me want to make sure that you don't ever fucking win this thing.
02:46:18.000
This is the difference between high performers.
02:46:39.000
Even though I 100% understood his joke, that he's like, whatever Joe does, I'm going to do double of.
02:46:48.000
I knew that he would interpret that in a competitive way.
02:46:52.000
Hey, Joe, you should do your regular workout and see if you can still beat us.
02:46:59.000
Not like I don't like you or you don't like me.
02:47:03.000
If you really say, I'm going to double everything Joe does, I'm like, you're Joe's not going to let that happen.
02:47:11.000
Not only is it not going to happen, but you gave me...
02:47:16.000
You gave me a thought in my head that you're going to try to do that.
02:47:21.000
His daughter is now calling the cable guy daddy because he's been gone so long working out.
02:47:27.000
She has no memory of him because you had to say, I'm going to double you.
02:47:40.000
I need to know that you think that you are going to do that.
02:47:46.000
Even though you really know that he doesn't think he can do that.
02:48:27.000
But when I realized I was getting better, and I thought I might lose, I got real anxiety about it.
02:48:37.000
You went the same as me, just don't come in last.
02:48:41.000
Second would be nice, but third would be terrible.
02:49:15.000
I'm challenging those gentlemen in fitness, and I'm going to beat them at their own game.
02:49:22.000
We got a 1992 Porsche 911 RWB, hand-built by Nakai.
02:49:40.000
Delia hit me up and was like, did you buy it, man?
02:50:04.000
I think what we're missing, though, is that all of us went to try to make sure you don't beat them.
02:50:26.000
He called me and said, I did a video on Instagram stories.
02:50:31.000
They were like, Bert, and tried to tell me a story.
02:50:33.000
Joey saw it and then said that he caught me drinking in a parking lot.
02:50:38.000
But if you saw the stories, you'd know I wasn't drunk.
02:50:54.000
He said something on my podcast, but it was clearly joking.
02:51:10.000
I would never lie to you about any one thing I did.
02:51:12.000
Listen, the last day when I hit you up and I was like, I'm for real out?
02:51:25.000
I believed him, and there was still a part of my brain that was like...
02:51:36.000
It wasn't that I didn't think you were lying, but I still was like, my brain would not allow me...
02:51:47.000
And I went, I can't believe you didn't believe me.
02:52:06.000
I like when Joe was like, wait, Ari, are you just saving up your points and not registering into the system so you can sandbag it?
02:52:28.000
Georgia called that morning, and I just got out of spin class, and I was going for a 12-mile run.
02:52:36.000
Georgia texted and said, Daddy-daughter luncheon at...
02:52:45.000
Daddy daughter luncheon at like 11. And you need to be there at 9 to help set up.
02:52:51.000
And in my head, all I did was wantonly wanted Ari's life.
02:52:57.000
And I just was like, I was like, I texted everyone.
02:53:06.000
And dude, in the middle of that luncheon, I was like, I could go for a run right now.
02:53:16.000
Dude, honestly, I got to the point where I thought about your lives.
02:53:24.000
And this is a lot of effort for me to get to this place and do this time.
02:53:28.000
I don't know what you guys go through in order to feel, to take time away to do this.
02:53:39.000
Well, your kids are at school, you have this open amount of time from 7 a.m.
02:53:44.000
or whatever it is after that if it's an unusual guest.
02:54:06.000
I can get here and get an hour in before a podcast.
02:54:13.000
I mean, I didn't build this thing so I could win a fitness challenge.
02:54:18.000
Let's be honest here, just to entertain this thought for a second.
02:54:20.000
How much of a piece of shit would you feel like if right now you were in second place?
02:54:44.000
When I said, no, the very last day, when he had a picture, he said, do you believe in miracles?
02:54:55.000
Do you believe America is just the last 300-point workout I put in?
02:55:22.000
They let us know that you finished 324th, I think?
02:55:29.000
But that means of registered users, 323 other people crushed him, beat him.
02:55:36.000
There's one that definitely fucking must have lit you up.
02:55:45.000
The MyZones guy said that a lot of these people are fitness instructors.
02:55:49.000
They're doing five, six, even seven Like eight classes a day.
02:55:55.000
There's some people out there that are in insane shape.
02:56:00.000
Imagine teaching six spin classes a fucking day.
02:56:09.000
But could they do it if they decided to go from gym to gym?
02:56:17.000
You know how they used to have that thing with Oxycontins in Florida where you can get a subscription or prescription from one guy, they go down the road, get another guy.
02:56:37.000
They wear that chest strap and teach a hundred fucking spin classes a day.
02:57:06.000
When we started this whole thing, everyone thought I couldn't do it.
02:57:09.000
Yeah, two years ago, I didn't think you could get through the month not to be a regular person.
02:57:13.000
What do you think will happen to you on your tour next year?
02:57:21.000
Yeah, if you have a bus to go back to, maybe you'll not drink as much.
02:57:28.000
It's been three days or whatever, but just in the things that would trigger me of like, I'm in an airport, I should have a cocktail.
02:57:48.000
You know, one of the things that I've been really wrestling with a lot lately, I had this guy Tyson Fury.
02:57:56.000
He used to be the heavyweight boxing champion of the world.
02:57:59.000
He was about to fight the bronze bomber, right?
02:58:06.000
He was talking about depression and all the shit that he went through.
02:58:08.000
And one of the things that he said is that what pulled him out of it was Deontay Wilder said that he was finished.
02:58:14.000
And he decided he was going to figure out a way to get back.
02:58:17.000
So he decided to just get his fucking shit together.
02:58:23.000
He won the World Heavyweight title, beat Vladimir Klitschko, and then went into a depression.
02:58:42.000
And then all of a sudden he decides to come back.
02:58:56.000
But he said he's going to do it with goal setting.
02:58:59.000
He seemed happy and friendly and he lost like a shit ton of weight.
02:59:08.000
Wasn't it like 150 pounds or something like that?
02:59:16.000
It's a little bit of that, but it's also goal setting, man.
02:59:19.000
This is the thing that he said that made me think about this month.
02:59:24.000
When it was over, I was like, what the fuck happened?
02:59:28.000
I'll tell you, man, that day that I ran the 12 miles.
02:59:43.000
You got about to even with me, but I was like, I might be done.
02:59:48.000
What he used to look like versus what he looks like now.
03:00:00.000
Just that I fucking, I thought the whole time I would see, I would look down, see how far I ran, and I'd be like, there's 400 points.
03:00:28.000
Because we had a chance to beat him if he just did weights.
03:00:34.000
Why play a game with Joe and not feel his fury?
03:00:48.000
Every word that comes out of his mouth I have to analyze.
03:00:50.000
There's not a part of you that wants to just like...
03:00:54.000
He starts talking to me, like, yeah, you should just try to, like, lift weights and see what your score is.
03:01:15.000
That's when I decided I was going to take you on some thousand point death runs.
03:01:47.000
Also, by the way, notable for the podcast this year, Tom pointed out how Burt pledged those $10,000 to those kids.
03:02:06.000
I, you and I were joking about a marathon and whatever.
03:02:13.000
Then I booked, you mentioned, nothing of this ever again.
03:02:49.000
Go put on your fucking Oakleys and kill yourselves.
03:03:00.000
While I'm in Atlanta shooting this movie, this fucking guy's like, I'm at the starting line.
03:03:14.000
Yeah, he's like, but he's tweeting out, Tom's a no-show.
03:03:22.000
No, the night before, I posted a video and said, hey guys, I'm sorry.
03:03:29.000
You said he was going to do something he never intended to do.
03:03:37.000
Are we talking about fake news in this fucking room?
03:03:43.000
I'm like, I'm getting a fucking lot of messages.
03:03:47.000
And it's all people that are like, you're quitting, you're welching on this bet.
03:03:57.000
He goes, hey, to make it up to you, if I finish this thing, I'll donate $10,000 to children's hospital.
03:04:18.000
He goes, if I don't beat Ari's father's time, I'll donate 20,000.
03:04:23.000
By the way, my father just ran the Marine Corps Marathon again last Sunday at 81 years old.
03:04:39.000
And you, I have to celebrate, you took it upon yourself.
03:04:42.000
To get the money that Ari pledged, or that Bert pledged to those sick kids.
03:04:49.000
You started Fat Bert Wants Sick Children to Die.
03:04:55.000
We're able to raise $11,270 for Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, I believe, right?
03:05:01.000
Yeah, LA Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, the GoFundMe.com slash EvilBurt.
03:05:07.000
It was very successful, and during this month, we finally filled it out, and I was able to, because you called to my attention, Tom, Yes, I did.
03:05:13.000
Because you called it an injustice to my attention.
03:05:19.000
They actually, at the cemetery there, they have a Burt's kids plot.
03:05:40.000
My mom asked me about it, and I was like, yeah, and she goes, can you tell Bert that he sucks?
03:05:49.000
I was like, Mom, no, it's not like what you think.
03:05:56.000
He said, he thinks without really thinking hard, 10 marathons, 3 Boston, and 7 Marine Corps.
03:06:08.000
By the way, when you mentioned that, I was looking at the numbers.
03:06:18.000
And I was looking at that screen like, this is about to jump to like 19,000.
03:06:23.000
I was like, the day me and my dad teamed up for 32 miles.
03:06:27.000
Because he was like, he texted about his dad and I was like...
03:06:31.000
And it took me an hour to believe that you didn't do it.
03:06:35.000
Did you guys at any point wonder whether or not your body was going to hold up?
03:06:42.000
I could do like 30 minutes and I was like, I've got to slow down.
03:06:50.000
I had spoken to you, I had spoken to you, and the last person I spoke to was Ari.
03:06:54.000
And he goes, if you're going to do it, will you just sync up?
03:07:08.000
But still, when I got there, I was so exhausted that I was like, at first I was like, I'll do 500 points right now.
03:07:15.000
You asked me too, like, do you think I should work out?
03:07:16.000
I'm like, if I have, from my point of view, no.
03:07:19.000
But from your point of view, you should separate yourself a little more from Burt.
03:07:23.000
And then when I got to like 250, I actually, I go, could I go longer?
03:07:35.000
So I was like, if I... Am I going to do another few hours until the cutoff?
03:07:41.000
But wasn't there a part of it, and then I'll say, is that when you woke up in the morning, you were like...
03:07:51.000
Every day we did this, there was a part of you that was like, I can work out one more time.
03:07:59.000
I really did honestly think I was out when I texted you.
03:08:13.000
Can I tell you last year that me and Bert, me and Tom, excuse me, like day one of Sober October was mostly about the sobriety and less about the yoga.
03:08:20.000
Tom and I were texting like, should we just drink the entire time and not tell them?
03:08:26.000
And we're both like, yeah, I don't think we either one of us fully trust each other not to round the other.
03:08:30.000
But it would have been like, let's just drink the whole time and then be like, yeah, we never even started that.
03:08:36.000
Dude, I was terrified there would be one prank coming my way.
03:08:40.000
You know, when we were in the parking lot after yoga class, you were like, let's get blood tests.
03:09:00.000
I don't even know if we said this last year, but since I had told him because I ran into him the night before, the next day when we were going to the 15th class, my phone rings and it's Joe, and he goes, are you in a white Lamborghini?
03:09:17.000
And he goes, yeah, you're right in front of me.
03:09:19.000
And he goes, since you told me you got a Lamborghini, I assumed that this fucking ridiculous Lamborghini was yours.
03:09:25.000
So then I pulled in, and we looked for a place to park, and he's like, nobody's going to fuck with this thing, man.
03:09:35.000
The best part of this whole thing was a day after I had told Bert that it was a joke, he called me, and he goes...
03:09:48.000
I looked at motorcycles because I thought you got a treat.
03:10:04.000
You've rented a Lamborghini just so fuck would burn.
03:10:22.000
We're doing yoga in the parking lot with Jordan dancing.
03:10:27.000
Look at that gross body I had that was so far better than either of yours.
03:10:37.000
No, but my girlfriend was like, with my body, she's like, oh.
03:10:54.000
We always know that we end up knowing the running order.
03:10:58.000
I'm not trying to fucking run up on you, but there's no punishment this year, right?
03:11:19.000
For someone who came in second, number one in non-asteryx, I would say...
03:11:40.000
I would say that my vote should carry some extra weight.
03:11:52.000
Absolutely, but I think it'd be a fun thing we can do where you would all enjoy your type of thing also.
03:12:02.000
And just do that, smoke some cigars, get drunk on beer.
03:12:06.000
I think my vote as number two should carry a little weight, but please take some time and think about it.
03:12:24.000
Bert will at least pay for the first round of chains.
03:13:03.000
And I don't know what that treat will be, but it should be a treat.
03:13:06.000
You don't have to do shit, but here's the thing.
03:13:11.000
It'll cost you $700 for four days for each one of us to have a room.
03:13:16.000
Whatever we decide to do, I'm going to definitely be a part of that treat that impresses you guys.
03:13:20.000
Let's do four round trip, first class tickets, and ten for fans that listen.
03:13:32.000
If we do Madison Square Garden, I'll pay for the private jet to take us all to fucking New York.
03:13:44.000
What a fucking horrible, wasteful thing to get.
03:13:50.000
Alright, we'll book Madison Square Garden and I'll pay for the private jet together, sir.
03:13:56.000
I'll meet you guys at JFK. Honestly, just the three of us, how surprising was this month?
03:14:09.000
Nobody ever separated themselves fully, except you.
03:14:12.000
But even with you, it was still like, I could maybe catch him if he stops.
03:14:17.000
Like, when you went on the hunting trip, when you said, I'm not going to be able to work out for the next five days, we were all like, oh, we got a chance to catch Rogan and pass him.
03:14:24.000
And then when you worked out on the trip, you're like, oh, that's where we were fucked.
03:14:27.000
But, like, it was surprising that we kept fighting the whole way.
03:14:38.000
Because there was one time that I went to Vegas for the UFC. I took three days off.
03:14:45.000
And then, Bert, you helped me there, too, because you tweeted that.
03:14:48.000
Tweeted that I was in last place, and you even posted the numbers on Instagram, and I was like, okay.
03:15:00.000
I get motivated by everything that can be a motivator.
03:15:15.000
Okay, no matter what you say, I never hear what you say and say, well, Bert's a great guy, and I know he's just joking around and doing this for publicity.
03:15:30.000
Right now it helps me if you tell me that you're going to beat me.
03:15:38.000
I did a cruise at the beginning of this month with Bobby Kelly.
03:15:42.000
And I told him about this right when the whole thing started.
03:15:44.000
I'm looking at everyone's numbers for the first time.
03:15:58.000
And then halfway through that cruise, I was like, I think I fucked up, man.
03:16:14.000
I went down to 175. First time in like 10 years.
03:16:18.000
Would it have been cooler if I had just been like super cunty and respectful?
03:16:23.000
Yeah, it would have been cooler if one of us could have won.
03:16:44.000
Listen, I even did some commentary for kickboxing in California.
03:16:50.000
Way back before UFC. Before I ever did UFC commentary, I did commentary for Muay Thai.
03:17:17.000
Hey, someone get Kelly Slater on the phone and let's find out how long it sounds respectful.
03:17:22.000
So I don't want to throw out big numbers right now, but I'm thinking four days.
03:17:28.000
I don't think it's possible to stay in one of those things for too long.
03:17:39.000
That is the reason why Kelly Slater's wave pool.
03:17:47.000
We can all go and surf together like we did with the hot yoga, but we're all trying to catch better waves.
03:17:54.000
We would have to enlist in Kelly Slater's surf camp for whatever the month is.
03:18:06.000
I do have a life, but to be honest, I like putting it aside every October.
03:18:11.000
Why are you guys so scared of doing my challenge to you?
03:18:19.000
Some of us gotta sell tickets for a Body Shots World Tour.
03:18:26.000
You can agree to stay off social media, and if you have anything you have to post about something, you send it to some sort of a manager.
03:18:42.000
Email it, say, hey, send this tomorrow or send this today as soon as you can.
03:19:01.000
Limit the amount of variables you have to process.
03:19:04.000
Because if you don't, you won't process them correctly.
03:19:07.000
So you'll be dealing with a bunch of information and some of it you'll get right and some of it you'll get wrong.
03:19:13.000
But you never know what the real balance is because too much of it is coming...
03:19:30.000
The same thing could be argued about podcasting.
03:19:36.000
But it's something that our fans dig and I dig.
03:19:43.000
This shit gets you in mind and you start getting angry about something no one else cares about.
03:19:46.000
You can very easily say, don't read comments, don't look at likes, don't look at any of that shit.
03:20:05.000
If you guys could totally deal with a month off of all that shit.
03:20:16.000
Just walk outside and view the world for what it is.
03:20:36.000
Dude, I dig listening to you talk to Kelly Slater.
03:20:45.000
You're talking about getting away from your fucking phone.
03:20:51.000
Yeah, but I would say probably the best way is to get a flip phone for a month.
03:20:55.000
Yeah, if you can get off all social media for a month, that would help you a lot.
03:20:58.000
There was never a moment where I thought that you guys were cheating.
03:21:08.000
It's like, you know, the worst case scenario would be somebody to be holding back where they weren't releasing information.
03:21:30.000
I think you're looking at social media in a bad way.
03:21:39.000
What you need to do is shift that and go, like, what are my positives?
03:21:45.000
There's no difference in Instagram and a podcast.
03:21:54.000
No, but I feel like sometimes you haven't been the fan that maybe the outsider has.
03:21:59.000
The person listening to this right now goes, dude, I like when you do Instagrams.
03:22:02.000
Like that Instagram you did about you eating drugs and smoking and drinking, it made me giggle.
03:22:07.000
Okay, but I can send it to my assistant to post for me.
03:22:12.000
But I don't have to be there looking at the responses minute by minute.
03:22:17.000
You're saying get off your phone, get off social media, get off all of it.
03:22:20.000
Yeah, but he's only saying that because of the impulse to look at the responses and to engage.
03:22:26.000
To hear somebody going, like Joe List said he brought a response to something I did.
03:22:32.000
He's going, oh, you should probably kill yourself.
03:22:37.000
And then he said some people are like, how dare you?
03:22:58.000
Well, you know, there's a lot of disinterested folks out there.
03:23:02.000
They just don't feel good, and they want you to feel shitty, too.
03:23:05.000
Even if they're right about some things, the way they address it is what the problem is.
03:23:09.000
They're blurting out and oozing anger in disproportionate amounts, and it affects everybody around them, and it affects all of us.
03:23:18.000
Yeah, there's that, and there's also just the amount of time.
03:23:20.000
Like, Tom, you saw when you said, like, let me just try to, like, wake my kids up before I check my internet or whatever.
03:23:28.000
It might do you good to see what it's like for a month off it.
03:23:32.000
To where you're like, oh, I actually have a lot of time in my day.
03:23:36.000
It's overall positive to do it the way you're describing.
03:23:40.000
I do think that it definitely, for sure, plays a part in our business.
03:23:46.000
But you could do the thing where you go send it to somebody.
03:23:56.000
Just when I see something, I make my life less happy.
03:24:00.000
There's something to that, but then there's also people that make your life happier.
03:24:16.000
He does those running videos next to the car, and I go, I gotta get out there and do something.
03:24:48.000
I can't believe we did this much working out, you guys.
03:24:52.000
And think about how much more weight we're carrying than you.
03:24:56.000
That's what I think with Bert was like, oh, Ari's heart rate must be going up because he doesn't work out.
03:25:03.000
It could also be that you're lifting 70 pounds more than me with every step you take.
03:25:19.000
You wrestle with Ari, he's going to try to kill you.
03:25:25.000
Well, Ari definitely has the most training in jiu-jitsu.
03:25:28.000
Yeah, if you could get on top of me, you could do something to me, but if I could stop you from doing that, I would for sure beat you.
03:25:46.000
Let's go to Abu Dhabi and go to the fucking world.
03:25:51.000
In my opinion, can I just say, we need to cut the surf contest in half.
03:25:58.000
Because you know Kelly Sater can get this lined up and the weather will be perfect.
03:26:05.000
Kelly Slater, when we sucked so hard, we never surfed once.
03:26:47.000
You can choke each other if you want to choke each other.
03:26:50.000
The problem with hitting is that shit is permanent.
03:26:56.000
You don't want to be getting punched in the face by one of your best friends.
03:27:27.000
I'm 46. When your brother was in the Vietnam War, was it hard at home?
03:27:42.000
When Truman went on TV and said what he said, did your whole family freak out or no?
03:27:49.000
51. Now, back when Kennedy was an assassin, did you know that it would be a big moment?
03:28:07.000
Joe said you were 41. I'm not 41. He's 85 years old.
03:28:15.000
I'm not getting off my blood pressure medication.
03:28:20.000
I'm going to stay on my blood pressure medication until the doctor says to get off it.
03:28:47.000
You can get down to 205. What were you at the end of the weight loss challenge?
03:28:53.000
I don't really remember, to be honest with you.
03:29:01.000
The final weigh-in score was 216 to like 219. The second day.
03:29:08.000
Because you don't look like you've put it back on after the fucking U.S. sports.
03:29:16.000
The weigh-in was with a dramatic, for non-professionals, dramatic water cut.
03:29:27.000
That's why I wanted two days in a row, not just one day.
03:29:29.000
I know, but you can throw on 10 pounds, essentially, to what we weighed in at as our real weight.
03:29:41.000
Here's the thing we did last year or the year before with this challenge and with this one.
03:29:46.000
We didn't really take into account our own personal health.
03:30:01.000
I did like somewhere in the range of 535 points.
03:30:15.000
And even if you couldn't, I would think about that the same way I really thought Burt was actually trying to double me.
03:30:29.000
So even if you don't believe it, it doesn't matter.
03:30:33.000
It doesn't help me to think that you don't believe it.
03:30:35.000
I would love to use your brain every now and then.
03:30:38.000
It helps me to think that you're trying to double my score.
03:30:48.000
But to answer your question, I think we put on our water weight, and I think I only gained a few pounds on top of that.
03:31:12.000
But what I said was that we probably gained 10 pounds back from the water cut.
03:31:17.000
So 216 would put me at 226. I said I'd probably gain a few pounds on top of it.
03:31:21.000
I would say right now, if anything, you're 230. Just regular.
03:31:27.000
But the only reason why you're pushing back against this is because you're concerned that it's going to sweep back on you, having gained...
03:32:46.000
It's because the Mickey Mantle gene is that this crazy son of a bitch could go out Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday night till 3 in the morning with fucking, you know, 180,000 beers.
03:33:10.000
I think he's confused about piss, what it tastes like when you're trying to choke it down.
03:33:26.000
When doing the same workout as you was worth less points than you, that means I did far more workouts than you.
03:33:34.000
But I did the same workout as you, and then after doing the same workout with you, I was down 50 points when I started with you.
03:33:39.000
I think what we were missing is what Tom's saying, is that if we all had partied at the same level every night and then tried to work out...
03:33:48.000
Dude, the feeling that I got when the molly kicked in at fucking whatever time, Wednesday night, Halloween night, was just like, this is done.
03:34:10.000
There was something going on with one of the muscles in my calf.
03:34:18.000
When I was walking around with my kids on Halloween doing the trick-or-treating deal, I was thinking to myself, thank God it's over.
03:34:30.000
I showed up at this comedy cellar and picked up my shirt, undid my thing, and Liz was like, what are you doing?
03:34:36.000
I was like, I had to run here because I'm in this constant challenge with my friends, so I had to run.
03:34:41.000
I crossed down to my comedy spot instead of just walking.
03:34:48.000
Other people go like, hey man, why are you going to the gym right now twice?
03:34:55.000
And I know I might be the only one, but I like that I'm in a fight with my friends.
03:35:00.000
And then going in and people going like, you got this Burt.
03:35:07.000
By the way, all you dummies who said you got this, Bert, thank you.
03:35:14.000
I was more angry about you people than for Bert to win.
03:35:28.000
They're dreamers and they're schemers and they're scheming to lose.
03:35:33.000
Dude, I would jog down a little canyon and I'd hear people in their truck.
03:35:45.000
My buddy Eric Ruiz can tell you I went hiking in Runyon Canyon and two guys were like, hey man, you got this, Bert.
03:35:50.000
And I was like, in my head, the competition was already over.
03:35:54.000
I was like, Joe's already beat me really bad, guys.
03:36:11.000
But getting 10,000 to me was like another one where it's like, let's aim for a line.
03:36:22.000
Just to put that in perspective, Segura 9533. That's three workouts ahead of Tommy.
03:36:29.000
But the fact that we were amongst literally the tiniest percentage of all the people using these goddamn things.
03:36:43.000
And you beat a fitness instructor who's giving classes.
03:37:09.000
The stuff that keeps your ankle together just breaks.
03:37:13.000
That stuff that keeps your ankle from moving around, that shit's just gonna break.
03:37:46.000
Yeah, I actually think Kelly Slater is a pussy and I don't want she as my coach.
03:37:53.000
You've never risen to the top of your potential.
03:38:00.000
I'm looking for success, not for what has been.
03:38:06.000
If you could help me, not this Kelly Slater garbage.
03:38:22.000
Ari's like that guy that criticizes a girl's weight so that he can start dating her.
03:38:42.000
If you really had to be honest, being scientific about it, how much time do you think you could spend on a surfboard in a day?
03:39:04.000
If I did the math right and we did a work the system thing, definitely seven days.
03:39:16.000
It would take a lot of work to get to different places.
03:39:22.000
You're talking about six hours and about 15 minutes a day on the surfboard.
03:39:41.000
He hit you with some goddamn accounting logic and you panicked.
03:39:53.000
But there's no consequences for you talking shit.
03:40:17.000
Is that when we're in a liquor store in Atlanta and Prince starts playing, both of you fucking cunts hide in the corner until Bert makes it big.
03:40:27.000
And then when Burtz makes it big, we all like to make it big.
03:40:32.000
I was forced into making it big for a short amount of time.
03:40:40.000
When we did the video when we were all partying in Atlanta and Prince came on.
03:40:47.000
We did that because we're like, you seem to like this.
03:40:49.000
I'll let me join in for like 10 seconds of dance.
03:41:07.000
But with my friends, I trust it, that it'll be fun.
03:41:19.000
Yeah, you were never going to get it, though, right?
03:41:48.000
Do you think there was any point during the month where you had a pace that you think you could have kept up where you'd been like Hitting those 500-point days, day after day after day after day.
03:42:05.000
A lot of it is what we already had planned for the month, right?
03:42:10.000
You know, if you had that cruise, I had this hunting trip, which fortunately ended fairly early.
03:42:18.000
But if you were just going somewhere, if you had somewhere that you had to go for 14 days and you couldn't get a workout in, you were fucked.
03:42:26.000
If I had just stayed home that whole trip, it would have been a very different contest.
03:42:42.000
I would have loved to have been not on a cruise.
03:42:48.000
Also, you're with Fat Bobby Kelly as your motivation?
03:43:05.000
And by the way, that was a hindrance in me is that I'd smoked a bunch of cigars.
03:43:11.000
And so then when I got back to Tampa for like one day to work out, dude, I was like, I was coughing up.
03:43:17.000
I smoked cigars on my way home from the comedy cellar.
03:43:19.000
Seven nights of those that I was home, of the 20. And it worked out after I came home, smoked a cigar, changed, went to work out.
03:43:31.000
You have a different genetic makeup than the Mickey guy.
03:43:47.000
When Tommy pulled up this idea and we were like, what?
03:43:49.000
It's like, yeah, I wear a heart rate monitor and it's a fitness app.
03:43:58.000
We started out thinking it was going to be yoga again.
03:44:01.000
I remember that it was the fourth and all you guys were mad at me.
03:44:15.000
I was like, these fucking guys are so pissed about this.
03:44:28.000
So when I got the app and I put the heart rate monitor on, I'm like, well, we'll just run to the death.
03:44:33.000
I was like, we're just going to run into the 90s as long as I can in the 90s.
03:44:38.000
I thought you were so upset when you found out you don't get more points for 90. It didn't make any sense.
03:44:45.000
I'm like, you get as much points for 80% of your max heart rate.
03:44:55.000
He's like, that shit would probably be like, highly litigious.
03:44:59.000
There's some lawyers over at my son that was like, you can't incentivize them.
03:45:07.000
And this has actually changed some of my opinions on training.
03:45:11.000
Because I've never done that, where I didn't just do a lot of, like, really, like, go all outs.
03:45:18.000
I even slowed down the pace that I run up the hills.
03:45:21.000
But when I would get on the heavy bag, when I would do kickboxing, I had way more endurance.
03:45:32.000
I maybe did, over the course of the entire month, maybe 10 kickboxing workouts.
03:45:39.000
But by the end of the month, the kickboxing endurance has gotten way higher.
03:45:44.000
It was all just from running, and from doing the elliptical machine, and from doing the rowing machine, and doing all that other shit.
03:45:51.000
All that other shit just It's not as exciting to do, but if you do it, it ramps up everything around you.
03:46:07.000
We'd be crazy not to keep working out a little bit.
03:46:13.000
Where you started thinking like, oh, I don't want to eat sugar now because it's going to fuck over when I do this.
03:46:18.000
But here's the thing, and we should all talk about this, and maybe we should have a coach come on and talk to us about if we decide to do this again, what are our nutritional requirements?
03:46:27.000
Because I had one workout that was 4,700 calories.
03:46:35.000
You know what I never got from nutritionists and people like that, workout people?
03:46:45.000
But for my real life, I'm going to do it twice a week.
03:46:47.000
What can I really do and what do I got to eat a little bit more often that can help me?
03:47:02.000
What if I told you you had to do 11,000 points this month, November?
03:47:24.000
Okay, if you get there, you suck my dick like you mean it.
03:47:27.000
But if you don't get there, you suck my dick like you don't care at all about it.
03:47:35.000
You could do what you did before, minus five days?
03:47:42.000
You don't think it would wear on you before you already did last month?
03:47:54.000
Who do you think can get the most points in a day?
03:48:09.000
Do you think you could have got 260 more points?
03:48:18.000
The 640-something, something I got on a one-off, I didn't ever sit down because I had some days where I definitely did.
03:48:26.000
I'm saying it's possible that I did more than that in one day with two workout days.
03:48:32.000
Outside of the shit-talking, which is always fun, here's what we should really think about.
03:48:36.000
We definitely got all of ourselves into a really Really good level of fitness.
03:48:45.000
You ran 12 miles, you ran 15 miles, and then you rode 5 kilometers.
03:48:58.000
We achieved some very bizarre level of performance over the month in comparison to the average person that wears these things.
03:49:09.000
So it's not that we should pat each other on the back, but we should look at what we did and go, what happened?
03:49:18.000
So let's stop and think about that for a second.
03:49:27.000
I look in the mirror and I'm like, I like that.
03:49:29.000
Dude, when you were doing the rowing machine and I was getting video of you...
03:49:38.000
His dick has literally 100% outreach from his pubis.
03:49:46.000
I thought, I really thought, I was like, this is a movie montage.
03:49:53.000
Yeah, I was like, what if Ari's like, I gotta change my life, I'm going for it.
03:50:02.000
We did that podcast, like, I gotta work out, man.
03:50:04.000
Can I work out your fucking stupid gym for an hour or two?
03:50:14.000
They never look at it as much as they get like that.
03:50:26.000
The rule is we don't do anything until October 1st.
03:50:49.000
All of us did something we would have never expected.
03:51:01.000
If you think about the points, four points a minute is like hustling.
03:51:10.000
They send you an email of your monthly tally of all the info?
03:51:15.000
Wait, I'll read you mine, which will give you perspective on yours.
03:51:28.000
But what's interesting is we didn't anticipate it at all.
03:51:40.000
First of all, it shows me the whole year leading up to October.
03:51:43.000
And then it says the 9538 MEPS, which is the measurement, right?
03:52:12.000
And average heart rate was 131 BPM. Jamie, I'm gonna send you this because I sent it to these guys already about what pussies we are.
03:52:20.000
Because there's a guy who went, he swam around the UK. That dude.
03:52:42.000
I believe I was reading that, yeah, because he spent so much time on the wall.
03:52:50.000
And this guy swam around the UK. 157 days, swimming 12 hours a day.
03:52:58.000
This guy will be on the Rogan podcast in two weeks.
03:53:19.000
Average heart rate, 120. You know what's brutal, man, is like a hard weightlifting workout.
03:53:27.000
Yeah, when you got to that, you're like, wait, this doesn't make any sense.
03:53:30.000
But that muscle expenditure is like way more severe.
03:53:40.000
It was different, too, when you got into running, like, legit running.
03:53:43.000
Because I would run 10 miles at night, and I would only get 200 points for it.
03:53:48.000
I'd just get up in the middle of the night and just run.
03:53:52.000
I know, yeah, because my heart rate wouldn't get over 130. Thank God for 24-hour gyms or your own weightlifting thing.
03:54:00.000
24-hour gyms are interesting because you're dealing with psychos and, like...
03:54:05.000
Tweakers, but every piece of equipment you get, or if you have your own place, obviously every time is your own place.
03:54:14.000
You might run into some person that's working out at 3 o'clock in the morning.
03:54:20.000
Steve Simone said he worked at Gold's Gym for a while.
03:54:27.000
between the tweakers to slowly become the winners who are getting a pre-work workout.
03:54:32.000
It was such a quick shift of type of person coming in.
03:54:39.000
What do you want to tell people on the internet?
03:54:57.000
Bizarly, I think I confirmed that I love a competitive event.
03:55:11.000
I feel like it makes me like you guys more because I'm like, it's kind of like that camaraderie of being on a team.
03:55:18.000
And yeah, I had that moment where I'm like, I'm capable of more than I thought I was capable of, which is like I'm saying, it's encouraging.
03:55:32.000
I learned, one, that I actually am capable of working out.
03:55:36.000
I needed the competition to actually get to the gym.
03:55:52.000
People were like, shouldn't you be working out?
03:55:54.000
And by the way, my favorite response is in one of these things, like How's Sober October going?
03:55:58.000
To any fan who walked by, I could just go, go fuck yourself, eat shit, kill yourself.
03:56:05.000
Why don't you go fucking kill yourself and your wife?
03:56:12.000
Yeah, and I realized that I actually can work out a little bit.
03:56:18.000
I did remember also on the 30th, the second to last day I was running, trying to get points, and a guy on a construction site was on a cell phone, and he did not look like somebody I would think would say anything to me.
03:56:33.000
And then he turns, he goes, hey, buns, I'm pulling for you!
03:56:44.000
At my kids' school, dads were coming up to me and saying, I'm doing Sober October 2. No shit.
03:57:00.000
I thought it was just going to be us having fun.
03:57:05.000
Fifteen yoga classes is not that extraordinary.
03:57:09.000
It did take us till the latter, for sure, the latter part of the month, right?
03:57:16.000
What I learned something last year, though, honestly, that carried over this year, that I decided to do nine yoga classes in a row to finish off my session.
03:57:29.000
Like, if I wanted to make it to the end of the month.
03:57:34.000
And when I realized somewhere around, like, number seven in a row, I was like, oh, you could just keep doing it.
03:57:41.000
Like, you think you need time off, but you don't really need time off.
03:57:50.000
But if you just keep doing it, your body will eventually adapt.
03:57:58.000
So what I realized last year by doing nine in a row, like your body just sort of adapts.
03:58:02.000
And then once I started doing like, I started ramping up the cardio sessions, and I was like, okay, if I just decide to get off now, I can get off now.
03:58:34.000
This is why psychos like Lance Armstrong win the Tour de France.
03:58:43.000
He's got a mind of a werewolf and he figures out a way to win.
03:58:47.000
I bet his daily workout right now, like whatever Lance does, today would fucking blow your mind.
03:58:55.000
Put a fucking my zones on that guy and it's over.
03:59:00.000
The mental part of this, not just to go do it, but actually go, you need to go.
03:59:04.000
You need to leave your apartment, your house, and you need to go over there.
03:59:07.000
I know you want to do this, but you've got to go do it now for a couple hours.
03:59:15.000
My alarm would go off, and I'd worry, I'd check your scores.
03:59:32.000
I learned that I have a lot more in me than I ever thought I had.
03:59:37.000
I learned that Ari is a sneaky fuck with a lot more strength than I ever thought I imagined.
03:59:43.000
You got angry that they were sandbagging, you said.
03:59:48.000
You didn't want anyone to do anything out of the fucking...
03:59:54.000
But just with you, I just thought it was a joke.
04:00:05.000
I didn't think you really believed you were going to double me.
04:00:31.000
And then when we went on a hike together, I was like, oh, fuck.
04:00:35.000
I was like, oh yeah, of course, someone that's 100 pounds lighter than me would be in better shape.
04:00:47.000
I learned that I... Number one thing is that...
04:00:53.000
Like, when you get challenged by your friends and you have this fun fuckery that just happens every day, it points you into a place that's better for yourself, in my opinion.
04:01:04.000
I got a lot of people that came up to me and said, man, I wish I had friends like you guys.
04:01:11.000
All of you, rather, are just goofing on each other constantly.
04:01:17.000
And it gives everybody that's listening to this this bizarre sense of camaraderie.
04:01:23.000
We got through this stupid fucking month where we're doing insane amount of exercise.
04:01:29.000
And then at the end of it, we're like, what the fuck?
04:01:33.000
I called Burt one day and I was like, you know we're not athletes, right?
04:01:47.000
What would you have come into that Shawnee competition?
04:02:01.000
But also, she probably never gets out of the green.
04:02:12.000
What we did was, we just did a one month chaos run.
04:02:17.000
We all survived, but I think we should be careful about this.
04:02:20.000
Because there is really a potential to damage your body doing stuff like this.
04:02:27.000
But there's a weird potential for, like, when you hear about stuff like Rob Doe, and you're like, what?
04:02:33.000
Your potential for the positive is so much outweighs the potential for the negative that it's like, just do it.
04:02:37.000
I'm not saying that this is one of the big negatives, but I don't know how any of you guys did with cramps.
04:02:44.000
Unbelievable muscle cramps the last two of the last three nights.
04:02:58.000
And one of the things that I realized, when you add too much Himalayan salt to water, your body processes it like food.
04:03:04.000
So all that water comes right through your butthole.
04:03:18.000
It's 34 ounces of water coming flying out of your asshole at Mach 1. It's crazy, dude.
04:03:24.000
Your body, when you drink salt with water together, your body goes, oh, this is food.
04:03:36.000
My asshole's blown out for a lot of those workouts.
04:03:40.000
Look at the amount of time that all of us were pumping our legs.
04:03:47.000
It's just the fact that we got close to each other.
04:03:56.000
No, we were preposterous in terms of a normal month of exercise.
04:04:01.000
It's more than I've ever seen on one of those boards for 10 months.
04:04:19.000
You've got to go to a terrible place to get to 11,000.
04:04:21.000
It was only because we were all sort of pushing each other.
04:04:37.000
But then it was also like, wait, I can do at least that one day.
04:05:06.000
And I was like, man, this has been a fucking motherfucker.
04:05:14.000
And I knew you were six, seven hundred points ahead of me.
04:05:26.000
I didn't think like, oh, I would suck to lose to Bert.
04:05:44.000
We have to make rules if we do this ever again.
04:06:03.000
If we ever do anything like this again, I really think we should do it with doctors.
04:06:07.000
Because there was a point where I said, like, at the end, I was having, like, phantom pains.
04:06:28.000
By the way, you talk to everyone in here but me.
04:06:36.000
I worked out in the morning and then flew to Tampa.
04:06:50.000
And I was like, I see that I started 300 ahead of him, now I'm 200. 300 ahead of him means if you don't work out, he can catch you.
04:07:04.000
Yeah, which is two and a half hours to catch you.
04:07:18.000
And I hung up and I was like, I got to go for at least another 50 points.
04:07:23.000
I said to you, I said, I swear on my children, I'm done.
04:07:32.000
I had to go spend the day with Georgia with their thing.
04:07:34.000
I don't have time to work out and I'm not going to do it now.
04:07:39.000
Well, what I knew too was that I was not going to go another 500 to catch me.
04:07:45.000
If you are going to go, can you please just tell me so I can actually take this dancing when I'm fucking out?
04:07:52.000
Part of it was very nice when Georgia texted me.
04:07:57.000
Georgia was at school and texted me and she goes, hey, I need you to do the daddy lunch in set up at nine.
04:08:17.000
And I went, if I give it really hard today, I can definitely...
04:08:26.000
I'm going to give myself 15 minutes to lay in bed and get my head straight.
04:08:31.000
Maybe we should think that this competition is more of a time constraint issue and how much time you have.
04:08:39.000
It's not just being able to do it, but it's making time for it.
04:08:42.000
It was super hard at times because you were like...
04:08:46.000
We were like, I want to be able to do this with my friends right now.
04:08:51.000
But that doesn't matter because I know Joe's got two young kids and I would go, he's been there five hours, I'd go, fuck it.
04:09:00.000
Yeah, the thing is I book my podcast whenever I want and what I did was I just scheduled a time where I could work out for at least four hours before I had to be at the podcast.
04:09:09.000
Yeah, you can come in here and do it until 20 minutes before a shower and be ready.
04:09:17.000
I'm out of the house at 7. You know, at 7, I'm coming to the gym, or I'm going to, you know, work out in my yard, or I'm going to run the hills.
04:09:28.000
I want to run those hills with you and your dog.
04:09:36.000
One of them is way more severe in the beginning.
04:09:38.000
One of them starts out with a real heavy pitch.
04:09:45.000
And in the end of it, you're running more of a downward slope to kind of cool down.
04:09:52.000
There's something about running hills that I really think is like, it's a survival thing.
04:09:57.000
It's like, if you want to get away, what do you got to do?
04:10:26.000
This whole time, this whole month, I would look at your meals and I'd go...
04:10:35.000
Is there a place that someone listening right now can go buy?
04:10:45.000
But you can't buy North American game animals in North America.
04:10:53.000
Yeah, that's because it's not for sale commercially.
04:11:15.000
I thought about it a couple times throughout the month.
04:11:28.000
Every day I was like, these three fucking cocksuckers are doing it.
04:11:34.000
And I was doing, for a lot of the month, a lot of the month, I was doing two a days.
04:11:47.000
But the interesting thing to me was when you have friends involved, dude, the consideration of even, let's just lay here and chill, wasn't even a consideration.
04:11:56.000
Yeah, it's like, fucking goddamn, I know it's going to be working out.
04:11:59.000
I was just seeing Burt with that strap on, talking shit.
04:12:01.000
He was like, whatever a joke you do, I can double up on it.
04:12:18.000
But here's the thing that Ari pointed out that I think is really important for us to honestly think about.
04:12:23.000
As human beings, we got to a very good state of fitness and we should really keep it.
04:12:31.000
We don't have to do this crazy, stupid fucking thing where we compare our points and we have a prize and a belt every month.
04:12:38.000
But it wouldn't be a bad idea if we stayed on this system or another system.
04:12:50.000
There's other people who go like, I want to beat Ari.
04:12:57.000
And then what they'll do, as long as we emphasize this idea of don't fucking kill yourself, because I don't know how close we got to killing ourselves, but we definitely got close to breaking ourselves.
04:13:22.000
We didn't even talk about that you broke this bottle.
04:13:29.000
I'm telling you, you should have seen some of my workout sessions.
04:13:47.000
When I looked at Ari, when Ari hit 479 points in a day, I went, oh shit, this is war.
04:13:55.000
Once I got through those first five, six days, I was like, wait.
04:14:06.000
There was no question, and she had no question about keeping her quiet, and I trusted her.
04:14:22.000
When would you have dropped it on us that you did that?
04:14:28.000
I would have kept it if not during this podcast.
04:14:30.000
Or I might have said during this podcast, like, hey, guess what?
04:14:35.000
Would you have felt comfortable saying it only if you'd come in, let's say, second?
04:14:39.000
Even if I had won, especially if I had won, and you guys had to pay for some fucking fancy trip that you guys all decided on that I had no interest in?
04:14:47.000
I would give my heart rate monitor to Cam Haynes.
04:14:50.000
And then I would make a separate account, a backup account for myself, and I'd try to beat you on my own.
04:14:56.000
But if I can't, Cam Haynes would definitely beat you, and then I'd be super humble about it.
04:15:05.000
I would've given my strap to Bert, and I would've fucking shown you up.
04:15:09.000
And say, all of you guys join up, and just fucking show your stats.
04:15:16.000
I am too, because I don't know how to surf at all, and I've had two surfers on in a month.
04:15:21.000
I had Kelly Slater, and we had Shane Dorian on just a couple hours ago.
04:15:24.000
Dude, when they sit in the beach, and they push you, and you start actually surfing, it's fucking fun.
04:15:51.000
Laird Hamilton's doing a hot underwater workout thing.
04:16:01.000
They're wrestling with Mother Nature on a fucking foam board.
04:16:03.000
He gets dropped off of helicopters onto the weight.
04:16:12.000
There's so many really fucking powerful big wave surfers.
04:16:21.000
And he's been doing that for like, yeah, Gabby Reese.
04:16:28.000
The thing about surfing, too, is you also have monsters in the mix.
04:16:36.000
Did you say that Kelly Slater didn't want to talk about sharks?
04:16:39.000
Like, I listened to the podcast, and he was like...
04:16:41.000
No, he was talking about it a little, but I didn't think he emphasized it, because I don't think he thinks it's that big of a deal.
04:16:46.000
He definitely, as a listener, he emphasized that they were there, that they are all there all the time, but he kept dodging it.
04:16:55.000
And I was like, man, it is one of those weird things where you look at a guy that spent that much time in the water and never had to deal with it, and then his friends have.
04:17:09.000
Imagine, I mean, you have no control in their world.
04:17:12.000
You're agreeing to being, like, a movement-impaired entity in a struggling alien world.
04:17:20.000
Like, you can't figure out, you can barely get by if you're thrashing your arms and legs, and a shark could just wiggle up and slap!
04:17:28.000
Take a big chunk out of your leg and you're dead.
04:17:30.000
I was in the water with the great white open water.
04:17:42.000
I was out of the cage and there was a great white.
04:17:49.000
It was, it was, all I knew is that it was the only animal I'd move with that had moved with that much intention.
04:17:55.000
Like everything they did was like, zoom, zoom, zoom.
04:17:59.000
You ever been attacked by a cat and you're like, motherfucker, I can't stop it.
04:18:03.000
But dude, did you think at any point in time, like, this could be how I go?
04:18:11.000
No, I've been in the water with Grey Whites a couple times.
04:18:21.000
If you went like that now, now it would be a fucking killer video.
04:18:26.000
All the shit I did before, I fought a lion, I fought bears.
04:18:55.000
It's going through the UK, Scandinavia, Australia, New Zealand.
04:19:16.000
Well, I got a Netflix special called Double Negative, as always.
04:19:28.000
Brussels, Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Berlin, tons of places.
04:19:39.000
The people there are like, did you say anything or not?
04:20:15.000
Listen, we can have a lot of fun, especially, like, right now, like, where we only have to do 30 each.
04:20:29.000
Gentlemen, all bullshit aside, this is a really, really fun month.
04:20:43.000
It was fucking hard, but it was also fun, and it felt good.
04:20:47.000
Even though I was like, fuck these guys, I'm going to kill these guys.
04:20:52.000
I still was like, wow, I can't believe what everybody's doing.
04:20:59.000
I would have never went as hard as I did if it wasn't for you guys.
04:21:11.000
If you had to put any 31-day month in my life and you put out how much effort I put forth.
04:21:21.000
I probably would have been a better fighter if I trained that hard back when I was competing.
04:21:26.000
For fucking three non-athletes and one guy was running away from the memory of his father.
04:21:38.000
But what's important is we showed human potential.
04:21:42.000
Yeah, we showed that whatever we thought we were capable of, we were capable of so much more.
04:21:46.000
Now the question is whether or not we should continue to put out that kind of effort.
04:21:52.000
But I do say that we've reached a really healthy, powerful level of fitness.
04:22:01.000
But next year we should do something totally different.
04:22:09.000
And Burt's gonna drink R.E.S.P. right now, right?
04:22:11.000
Burt is gonna drink R.E.S.P. You got kombucha bottle or...
04:22:19.000
Alright, BertBertBert.com, TomSegura.com, AriTheGreat.com, JoeRogan.com.
04:22:37.000
Do you know all the comments I got on that GoFundMe, which is just...