The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1205 - Jake "The Snake" Roberts & Tony Hinchcliffe

00:00:00.000 Here we go.

00:00:01.000 Three, two, one, and we're live!

00:00:07.000 Tony Hinchcliffe.

00:00:07.000 Hello.

00:00:08.000 Jake the fucking snake.

00:00:10.000 I can't believe it, man.

00:00:11.000 In the flesh, sir.

00:00:12.000 I gotta do this.

00:00:12.000 What do you know, Joe?

00:00:14.000 You never heard that before, have you?

00:00:15.000 I've heard it a couple times.

00:00:17.000 I've heard, hey, Joe.

00:00:18.000 I heard you shot your old lady down.

00:00:20.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:00:21.000 A few times as well.

00:00:21.000 There you go.

00:00:22.000 I gotta tell you, man, I watched a documentary last night, and it's fantastic.

00:00:25.000 I appreciate it.

00:00:26.000 It is.

00:00:27.000 If that thing doesn't bring tears to your eye, you need to go to a doctor.

00:00:30.000 Yeah, you're not human, man.

00:00:31.000 No doubt.

00:00:33.000 Dallas is a fucking saint.

00:00:35.000 He really is.

00:00:36.000 Hard-headed.

00:00:36.000 You know, without it, I'd never made it.

00:00:39.000 Yeah.

00:00:40.000 Because, you know, us junkies, we like to lie a lot, you know.

00:00:44.000 And alcoholics do, too.

00:00:45.000 But it was a tough, tough road, man.

00:00:48.000 He guided me through it.

00:00:49.000 He's amazing.

00:00:51.000 Never gave up.

00:00:51.000 And I can never thank him enough for what he's done for me and giving me all my life back.

00:00:56.000 Not only my life, but my family.

00:00:58.000 I got my kids back.

00:00:59.000 They're all digging me now.

00:01:01.000 I'm a great-grandfather.

00:01:02.000 Probably the best grandfather ever.

00:01:04.000 You know, I'm just saying because it's true.

00:01:07.000 I mean, I'll fix anybody up, man.

00:01:09.000 I mean, no.

00:01:11.000 The detailing of your recovery, though, and him taking you in to, what does he call his house, that house, the accountability house?

00:01:19.000 Accountability crib, yeah.

00:01:20.000 Yeah, I mean, he's a special guy.

00:01:23.000 It really is.

00:01:24.000 You gotta understand, I mean, no man in his right mind would bring We're good to go.

00:01:48.000 You wouldn't give up, man.

00:01:50.000 Well, I got to know Dallas when he came on the podcast, and one thing that you get about him is this guy, he's not just about himself.

00:01:57.000 He is really about helping people out.

00:02:00.000 He gets a buzz off helping people, which to me is just so amazing.

00:02:06.000 I've picked that up off of him.

00:02:08.000 I search people out now in the crowd that are having a hard time walking or you see something going on or they're overweight.

00:02:14.000 You know, I'm so-and-so.

00:02:16.000 It gets me in using the name Jake the Snake.

00:02:18.000 I can talk to him.

00:02:19.000 Hey, you ever thought about trying some DDP yoga, man, because it works.

00:02:24.000 If you've never done it, DDP yoga is, without a doubt, the number one thing out there for getting healthy.

00:02:33.000 It makes your body healthy.

00:02:34.000 It makes your mind healthy.

00:02:37.000 For him to be out there, he's just a soldier.

00:02:40.000 He really is.

00:02:41.000 He pushes all day long, man.

00:02:44.000 Here's a guy that could be handling it a totally different way, but he still picks up a phone and calls somebody and thanks them for buying the program.

00:02:53.000 Who the hell does that?

00:02:54.000 Right, who does do that?

00:02:55.000 Yeah, he does, because he wants to know.

00:02:57.000 And the next thing you know, he's been on a 25-minute phone call, and they're sending him photos of the before picture, and then he wants them to look at him in the after picture six months from now.

00:03:07.000 The stories, he's got a million of them.

00:03:09.000 Success stories.

00:03:10.000 We played a video when he was in of a gentleman who was...

00:03:14.000 The paratrooper?

00:03:15.000 Yeah, guy could barely walk.

00:03:16.000 I mean, he had done a bunch of paratrooper missions, you know, parachuting out of planes and landing on his knees.

00:03:23.000 His knees are destroyed, legs are destroyed, backs are destroyed.

00:03:25.000 Everything's fucked up.

00:03:27.000 He starts out, barely can stand, barely can walk.

00:03:31.000 Two canes.

00:03:32.000 Yeah, two canes.

00:03:33.000 By the end of the video, this guy's running.

00:03:36.000 He's running, he's doing full yoga poses, and it's these incremental steps, incremental steps, but he kept getting better, kept getting better, kept getting better, and that is, it's so symbolic of like your journey in life.

00:03:50.000 If you just decide to give up and decide to just...

00:03:53.000 Fuck the world.

00:03:54.000 I'm just going to just eat and drink myself into oblivion.

00:03:57.000 You have been there.

00:03:58.000 You can talk about this.

00:03:59.000 I stayed there a long time, man.

00:04:01.000 But then you turn it around.

00:04:03.000 I fucking love that.

00:04:05.000 I love stories like that.

00:04:07.000 But it's a one in a million shot, man, unless you have a Diamond Dallas page in your corner.

00:04:12.000 Right.

00:04:13.000 Because it wasn't only about Dallas helping me.

00:04:15.000 It was the whole crew.

00:04:17.000 See, Dallas, you know, he came up with the idea, him and Steve, you, who's a business manager, whatever, and they said, look, we're going to bring you back through this.

00:04:26.000 We're going to film the whole thing.

00:04:27.000 I'm like, I don't know about that, because I got burnt bad in a film a while back.

00:04:32.000 They just cut me a new one, man.

00:04:33.000 They lied to me.

00:04:35.000 Anyway, it happens.

00:04:38.000 We're going to film this whole thing, and at the end of it, if we put it together and you don't like it, it'll never go out.

00:04:44.000 Really.

00:04:45.000 You're gonna give me that right.

00:04:47.000 You're going to invest this money and this time.

00:04:50.000 Because I stayed there for three and a half years.

00:04:53.000 Because it took me that long to get clean.

00:04:55.000 That's amazing.

00:04:56.000 You know, I couldn't go in for six months.

00:04:58.000 I've done that.

00:04:58.000 I couldn't go in for four months.

00:05:00.000 I've done that.

00:05:01.000 Hell, the time I went in for four months, man, I go across the stage and get my diploma, so to speak, from finishing this course, being in rehab for four months.

00:05:11.000 I go out the other side and pick up a pay phone and call my dealer.

00:05:14.000 He meets me outside the damn door, man, with...

00:05:16.000 Big rock, you know, in a stem.

00:05:19.000 Thank you.

00:05:19.000 I made it.

00:05:21.000 But that's the insanity of the disease.

00:05:23.000 The disease will let you sit in a place for three or four months and not touch you.

00:05:28.000 It won't even come knocking on your door because it knows right now you're locked in.

00:05:31.000 You're going to do this.

00:05:33.000 But it's over there doing push-ups in the corner, man, waiting on your ass.

00:05:36.000 As soon as you get away from these idiots over here, they're teaching you bad habits, Jake, I'm going to get you where you need to be.

00:05:45.000 And that was the thing of being there for that long period of time.

00:05:48.000 What was the feeling like when you did slip up?

00:05:51.000 Because you slipped up a couple of times.

00:05:53.000 Four or five times I did, yeah.

00:05:54.000 It was horrible.

00:05:56.000 I wanted to die.

00:05:57.000 Because not only did I feel like I let myself down, but I let him down.

00:06:04.000 And that really sucked.

00:06:05.000 Because here's a guy that's opened up his wallet and said, you come live with me.

00:06:10.000 Don't worry about your damn bills.

00:06:12.000 I'll take care of it.

00:06:13.000 Excuse me?

00:06:14.000 Oh, I'm damn sure in now.

00:06:16.000 Hang on.

00:06:16.000 You don't have to talk twice to me about this crap.

00:06:18.000 Yeah, I'm moving in with you, but if you're going to pay all my bills, man, will I get healthy?

00:06:23.000 But I didn't even tell it was going to take three years.

00:06:25.000 Wow.

00:06:26.000 But see, he would take, you know, like, if he had to go do a con or go do some music, you know, go do a movie or something, he had people that worked for DDP Yoga, specifically Garrett and a young kid named Dylan, who I really got the kid messed up,

00:06:43.000 you know, because he had to share a room with me.

00:06:46.000 I don't wear clothes.

00:06:48.000 And I guess it looked kind of freaky.

00:06:50.000 Here's this old wrestler that I've idolized for years, and I'm seeing his junk, all gray hair and everything, and his junk is horrible.

00:06:59.000 You're seeing the snake and the bag.

00:07:00.000 I accidentally bent over picking something up right there by his bed.

00:07:03.000 I had no idea my asshole was in his mouth.

00:07:06.000 But yeah, Dylan, he lived through some horrible things, and Garrett did too.

00:07:10.000 But Dallas always made sure I was taken care of, you know.

00:07:16.000 Whatever he had to do, the first thing he had to do was take care of Jake.

00:07:19.000 He put me first.

00:07:20.000 Didn't expect that.

00:07:22.000 Who would?

00:07:23.000 The solidarity and the camaraderie that you guys all have, and Razor Ramon as well, when you guys were all in that house together, the experiences that you guys shared, working together and then still in life.

00:07:37.000 You guys have a bond that's very, very...

00:07:40.000 It's very hard for most people.

00:07:42.000 Yeah, they can't get it.

00:07:43.000 It's like guys that are in the service together.

00:07:47.000 They become brothers in one.

00:07:51.000 With Dallas, the thing about him was he's never went down that addiction road.

00:07:57.000 He used to run nightclubs, but he never became an alcoholic.

00:08:00.000 He's a freak.

00:08:02.000 Piss on him.

00:08:03.000 Screw him.

00:08:04.000 He got a better card than I did.

00:08:05.000 I get that.

00:08:07.000 But I like my cards now, man.

00:08:09.000 My cards now are awesome.

00:08:11.000 My life is so good to go from hell.

00:08:16.000 That's where I was at, man.

00:08:17.000 You have no idea what it's like to wake up and be angry that you woke up.

00:08:22.000 Because you didn't want to.

00:08:23.000 You wanted to be over.

00:08:26.000 And there's been so many years that were like that for me that I wouldn't go out shopping unless it was 3 a.m.

00:08:32.000 Because I didn't want anybody to see me.

00:08:35.000 Because I'd gotten to the point that I hated myself so much that I'm begging God to die.

00:08:40.000 When I would hear another wrestler had died, I'd get angry at God and curse him for not taking me instead.

00:08:46.000 When Piper died, we were just talking about Roddy before the show started.

00:08:50.000 Man, I was so pissed off that he got to go before I did.

00:08:54.000 And that's just A couple of times.

00:08:59.000 Really tried.

00:09:00.000 I took 100 Valium.

00:09:02.000 110 milligram Valium.

00:09:04.000 Woke up.

00:09:06.000 And all I've done is puke on myself.

00:09:07.000 And I said, what a fucking loser you are.

00:09:10.000 You can't even die right.

00:09:11.000 You're a piece of shit.

00:09:12.000 What kind of mind says that?

00:09:15.000 It's a mind that's given up, man.

00:09:16.000 The torture that people put themselves through being an addict.

00:09:20.000 People have the wrong idea about this shit, man.

00:09:23.000 They think, yeah, they're getting fucked up, man.

00:09:25.000 They're happy.

00:09:26.000 No, we're not.

00:09:28.000 No, we're not happy.

00:09:29.000 We're not enjoying getting high.

00:09:31.000 I quit enjoying getting high 30 years ago.

00:09:35.000 But the problem was, I couldn't live without it.

00:09:39.000 I mean, I would feel like my heart was gonna burst.

00:09:42.000 I couldn't breathe.

00:09:44.000 I was scared to go anywhere.

00:09:47.000 It was horrible, man.

00:09:48.000 Was it everything or anything?

00:09:50.000 What was pulling you?

00:09:53.000 What drug or what alcohol?

00:09:54.000 Was it booze?

00:09:56.000 Was it pills?

00:09:56.000 For me, it was more.

00:09:58.000 More of everything.

00:10:00.000 I'm lucky I didn't get into heroin.

00:10:02.000 I probably wouldn't have beat that one.

00:10:04.000 Yeah, I would because this is what I'm meant to be doing right now.

00:10:09.000 To go through 25, 30 years of doing Gocaine, That's amazing.

00:10:16.000 You know, I thank Vince McMahon for affording me my addiction.

00:10:23.000 Because without it, I'd be in prison somewhere.

00:10:25.000 Because I would have killed somebody for my drug.

00:10:27.000 No, without a doubt, I would have knifed him, whatever, man.

00:10:30.000 That guy's got an eight ball, watch this.

00:10:33.000 Done.

00:10:34.000 Life meant nothing to me, man.

00:10:37.000 And he gets to a point where you put yourself in such a dark hole.

00:10:44.000 There is no light.

00:10:46.000 None at all.

00:10:47.000 And it takes somebody that's special.

00:10:48.000 You couldn't have sent me to rehab right then.

00:10:51.000 Wouldn't have worked.

00:10:53.000 I'd have been out in minutes.

00:10:54.000 Even when Dallas offered me to pay the whole trip, and you'll move in with me, I'm going to feed you the best damn food on the planet, we're going to get you healthy, we're going to get the bullshit out of your system.

00:11:05.000 I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to last about a week.

00:11:08.000 Because I knew me, and I'm like, dude, if I make it a week, I'm going to be doing good.

00:11:12.000 Because at the time, I couldn't do 24 hours not doing cocaine.

00:11:17.000 If you wanted me to get up out of bed, bring me some cocaine.

00:11:22.000 That's where I was at.

00:11:23.000 Because life was too ugly.

00:11:27.000 To want to go out there.

00:11:28.000 When did it start?

00:11:29.000 Did it start when your pro wrestling career started?

00:11:32.000 Or was it going on before then?

00:11:34.000 No.

00:11:35.000 The cocaine and alcohol.

00:11:37.000 Alcohol was always there.

00:11:38.000 I started drinking when I was 11 or 12. Whoa.

00:11:43.000 My grandfather was an alcoholic.

00:11:47.000 Drug addict slash drug addict.

00:11:48.000 It started with an oil field accident.

00:11:51.000 He got his legs crushed.

00:11:53.000 And he refused to have his legs cut off, so he stayed in the hospital for 18 months.

00:11:59.000 Well, back in the 1920s, the way that they fixed you was let it heal, then re-break it.

00:12:05.000 You know?

00:12:06.000 That's what they did.

00:12:07.000 They didn't put bars and metal in there to straighten it out.

00:12:11.000 They'd let it heal, then they'd re-break it a different way.

00:12:14.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:12:14.000 And they kept him on morphine for a year and a half.

00:12:18.000 Well, at the end of a year and a half, they patted him on the back and said, see ya.

00:12:22.000 He had a little itch going out there, didn't he?

00:12:25.000 Yeah.

00:12:25.000 Could he walk after that?

00:12:26.000 He could walk.

00:12:27.000 So it worked, but it took a year and a half.

00:12:30.000 To a point, but to a year hooked up on morphine, which back then it wasn't like today.

00:12:34.000 You can get on any corner.

00:12:36.000 Right.

00:12:37.000 He went to alcohol.

00:12:38.000 I remember in the 60s, which is 40 years later, they not trusting him to come to the doctor's office.

00:12:46.000 Well, they didn't trust him to take the pill.

00:12:50.000 The pill being, oh my God, what's it called?

00:12:53.000 Keep you from drinking antabuse.

00:12:58.000 You know, if you take an antabuse pill, you're not going to drink about it.

00:13:03.000 Except he did.

00:13:04.000 I mean, I've drank on Antabuse when it's been like two days since I'd had the pill and I'd have a drink.

00:13:13.000 Brother, you have no idea how scary that shit is because immediately you start throwing up and you start pissing and shitting your pants.

00:13:21.000 It happens that quick.

00:13:22.000 And then you have to start with the sweats and all this and you'll wind up on the floor doing the heebie-jeebies, man.

00:13:28.000 That's how strong an abuse is.

00:13:30.000 They didn't even trust him to take the pill.

00:13:32.000 They said, no, no.

00:13:33.000 You take a taxi to the doctor's office and we'll give you a shot.

00:13:38.000 Because we know you're not going to take that pill.

00:13:40.000 So he'd do that every morning.

00:13:42.000 Then he'd go outside and get in the same taxi.

00:13:45.000 And because we lived in a dry county, he would take that same taxi over to the next county and get a fifth of whiskey.

00:13:54.000 Drink it before he got home.

00:13:57.000 Now the rest of his day spent shitting and puking.

00:14:01.000 Wow.

00:14:02.000 But yet tomorrow he's going to do the same thing.

00:14:05.000 Oh my God.

00:14:06.000 That's the hell.

00:14:07.000 You know, I was doing the coke and stuff, man.

00:14:11.000 I'm hating myself the whole time I do it.

00:14:13.000 I'm not getting high anymore.

00:14:15.000 And I can't put it down.

00:14:18.000 I can't turn away from it because there's hope in that.

00:14:22.000 What's the hope for?

00:14:23.000 No more pain.

00:14:26.000 So just that it numbs you?

00:14:27.000 No more shame.

00:14:28.000 That's what it numbs me from is the shame.

00:14:31.000 You know?

00:14:32.000 Shame is something you put on yourself.

00:14:35.000 You know?

00:14:36.000 You can't shame me, man.

00:14:38.000 I have to do it myself.

00:14:42.000 But, man, it was there, man.

00:14:43.000 And because I went through some ugly shit as a kid, being sexually molested, my sister being molested too, and then my sister kidnapped and murdered, and we got all these things thrown in there, and I was hating myself because I didn't protect my sister better.

00:14:59.000 You know, life happens.

00:15:02.000 What do you do with it?

00:15:03.000 That's one of the things that Dallas preaches, you know, is about, you got all this stuff out there, man, it's going to come at you.

00:15:10.000 It's what you do with it that counts.

00:15:12.000 You know, you don't deflect it.

00:15:14.000 No.

00:15:15.000 You bring it to you.

00:15:16.000 You chew it up, you spit it out, you sort of sit through the bullshit, and you go on.

00:15:22.000 It's something I couldn't do.

00:15:24.000 Because things got personal with me.

00:15:27.000 And I would lock down.

00:15:28.000 I'd shut up.

00:15:29.000 Because that's how I handle things.

00:15:32.000 I just didn't talk about it.

00:15:34.000 When you've been sexually molested, there is no good moment, man.

00:15:39.000 And that screwed my head up, and it still messes with my head.

00:15:43.000 I desperately, desperately want to have a relationship with a woman.

00:15:49.000 You know, a true relationship, finally.

00:15:53.000 It's 63. Because I did have relationships before, but I was constantly sabotaging them because I didn't trust women.

00:16:03.000 Because the last one, she raped me and beat me and threatened me and told her that my dad killed me because, you know, my dad was seven foot and weighed 425 pounds, so he could get the job done.

00:16:15.000 But I just wanted my dad to be proud of me, so all these things are factoring in.

00:16:19.000 I'm keeping quiet while the wife beats me and has me do her and then beats me afterwards.

00:16:24.000 Dude, sex ain't sex if you're doing it like that.

00:16:26.000 That's called rape.

00:16:28.000 And that shit screws your head up for life.

00:16:32.000 Now, what do you do with it?

00:16:33.000 Well, as a kid, I hid that shit, man.

00:16:37.000 I stuffed it away.

00:16:38.000 I didn't talk about that.

00:16:39.000 Are you kidding me?

00:16:40.000 I remember the first time talking about it to a high school buddy of mine.

00:16:44.000 He said, you're so fucking lucky, man.

00:16:47.000 Your stepmother's so fucking hot.

00:16:49.000 She was hot.

00:16:49.000 She was 22 years old.

00:16:51.000 Because my father's a child molester, for Christ's sake.

00:16:55.000 Of course she was hot.

00:16:56.000 But it wasn't hot to me because that's my mom.

00:17:01.000 No.

00:17:02.000 And then the beatings afterwards, that fucking confuses you.

00:17:06.000 You get all this shit going, man.

00:17:08.000 So you start looking for a way out.

00:17:10.000 And for me, as a kid, my grandfather would get drunk.

00:17:14.000 And forget where he hid his liquor.

00:17:16.000 Because he had to hide it from her grandmother because she knew what he was.

00:17:19.000 She had dealt with it for 50 years.

00:17:22.000 So every time she found a bottle on the farm, she had to break it and that's it.

00:17:26.000 So he'd hide it.

00:17:28.000 Chicken house, different places.

00:17:30.000 Well, me and my buddies from across the street would go out and find it.

00:17:33.000 We'd get 12 years old, 11 years old.

00:17:37.000 Then we got smart and started selling it to the other neighborhood kids to make a buck.

00:17:43.000 That was my beginning with drinking, man.

00:17:46.000 You know, as time goes on, man, you start smoking weed and the pills.

00:17:54.000 What else is next?

00:17:55.000 Because I'm still not forgetting.

00:17:57.000 I'm still remembering this shit.

00:18:00.000 And you go out and you try to have a good time with people and then you realize something's different than you.

00:18:12.000 You know, downers wake me up.

00:18:14.000 Like how so?

00:18:16.000 Are you wired?

00:18:18.000 Really?

00:18:19.000 You give me five Percocet brother, I'll drink a case of beer and dance all night for you.

00:18:25.000 Really?

00:18:25.000 Go out and have three or four wrestling matches.

00:18:28.000 Let's go to the, if I take, when I mess my neck up in 89, when I'll give you the guitar, when I wanted to go to My regimen was to wake up, go downstairs, start the coffee maker, take 10 milligram Percocet,

00:18:45.000 throw them in my mouth, chew them up, And wash them down with coffee, then hit the gym.

00:18:51.000 Jesus.

00:18:52.000 I loved it.

00:18:53.000 Because I was on fire, man.

00:18:55.000 Plus the Percocet made me a little gnarly.

00:18:58.000 Made me want to punch shit, you know?

00:18:59.000 Really?

00:19:00.000 So you get a good workout in there, couldn't you?

00:19:02.000 From Percocets?

00:19:03.000 Yeah.

00:19:03.000 That's how screwed up my wiring is.

00:19:06.000 That is so...

00:19:06.000 You talk to any drug and they'll tell you their wiring is fucked.

00:19:09.000 Yeah.

00:19:10.000 Things that make you go to sleep wake me up.

00:19:13.000 Things that wake you up put me to sleep.

00:19:15.000 So the pain of pro wrestling, which is probably one of the most brutal professions that a person can embark in, and think about all the days that you were on the road, all the many, many matches, all that physical pain probably justified the drugs even more.

00:19:33.000 I didn't even care.

00:19:35.000 You didn't care.

00:19:37.000 About the pain?

00:19:38.000 I felt no pain when I wrestled.

00:19:42.000 None.

00:19:44.000 Afterwards, no?

00:19:45.000 I was wrestling a guy in Louisiana, Ernie the Cat Lad.

00:19:50.000 You remember him?

00:19:52.000 Played for the AFL, San Diego Chargers.

00:19:54.000 He's in the Hall of Fame football and wrestling.

00:19:57.000 He was 6'9", 350. Badass son of a bitch, man.

00:20:01.000 But back then they had chop blocks and he had like 15 knee surgeries and that was in his career.

00:20:06.000 But we were wrestling and my bone came out of my arm.

00:20:10.000 Compound fracture.

00:20:12.000 And he goes, kid, your arm.

00:20:14.000 I'm like, yeah, I see it.

00:20:15.000 Let's go on.

00:20:15.000 And he's like, what?

00:20:16.000 Get away from me!

00:20:17.000 And I'm trying to get to him, and he starts puking on me.

00:20:22.000 I'm like, motherfucker, you're puking on me.

00:20:25.000 Your arm, man.

00:20:26.000 Your arm is fucking bone, dude.

00:20:28.000 I'm like, it don't hurt.

00:20:29.000 Come on, let's finish the match.

00:20:31.000 Fuck you, I'm getting out of the ring.

00:20:36.000 Man, he can puke up a bunch of shit, man.

00:20:38.000 Oh, man, 6'9".

00:20:40.000 You finish off your opponent by having him hurl.

00:20:43.000 Screw on you, yeah.

00:20:44.000 Wow.

00:20:45.000 It was nasty smelling shit, too, man.

00:20:47.000 But I was fine.

00:20:48.000 I got back in the locker room.

00:20:49.000 So you didn't even feel it?

00:20:49.000 No.

00:20:50.000 I was sitting there, and I was saying, this is a strange feeling.

00:20:53.000 I blow on the bone.

00:20:55.000 Ooh, it feels cold when I blow on that bone.

00:20:58.000 Wow.

00:20:59.000 Whoa.

00:21:00.000 15 minutes later, I'm in the shower.

00:21:02.000 Holy fuck!

00:21:03.000 Holy fuck!

00:21:05.000 Then you felt it.

00:21:06.000 The adrenaline's gone.

00:21:06.000 Right.

00:21:07.000 You've been in the ring, and you know what that's like.

00:21:09.000 The adrenaline's going, nothing hurts.

00:21:11.000 It feels good, in fact.

00:21:13.000 Yeah, but I would have thought that you would look at the bone and go, ooh, I gotta handle this.

00:21:16.000 No.

00:21:17.000 Now, did you wrestle fucked up?

00:21:19.000 No.

00:21:20.000 You wrestled straight?

00:21:21.000 No, I was straight pretty much.

00:21:22.000 I might have been going through withdrawals at the time, but no, I didn't drink or any of that shit before a match, and I didn't like it, but I did it that way because it's my duty and my thing is another wrestler to take care of my opponent.

00:21:46.000 I noticed that if I have a fun set or something like that, doing stand-up comedy, that I like to have...

00:21:53.000 If I tried something new and it went extra good, I like to have an extra drink or two that night.

00:21:59.000 Would it be like that for you in wrestling?

00:22:01.000 Would you get more messed up if it was like Madison Square Garden?

00:22:05.000 No, I just did it until I went to sleep.

00:22:08.000 Because sleep was such a premium back then.

00:22:11.000 Back in my day, we were wrestling seven days a week.

00:22:14.000 Seven days a week.

00:22:16.000 Well, except for Saturday and Sunday.

00:22:17.000 Then we wrestle twice on Saturday, twice on Sunday.

00:22:20.000 Jesus.

00:22:20.000 Like you might do the LA Coliseum at 2 o'clock.

00:22:24.000 Get in the rental car and drive to San Diego City and do a 7 o'clock.

00:22:28.000 Wow.

00:22:28.000 The next day, you might be in Omaha at 2 o'clock, and you'd be in Des Moines at 7 o'clock.

00:22:32.000 Now, you're driving all this in between.

00:22:34.000 You know, you fly, you drive.

00:22:36.000 Well, with me, it made it even worse because I got to drag that fucking snake everywhere.

00:22:41.000 You know, 80-pound box of shit.

00:22:43.000 Right.

00:22:43.000 Be like trying to carry this around with a bad back over there.

00:22:46.000 Hey, folks out there, pray for him, man.

00:22:49.000 He's over there hooing and mooing back there.

00:22:51.000 Yeah.

00:22:51.000 He's making fun of young Jamie.

00:22:53.000 Young Jamie is a minor in frack.

00:22:55.000 It's very difficult to talk about injuries when you're around Jake the Snake.

00:22:59.000 I want to bring it up.

00:23:00.000 Tony threw me under the bus.

00:23:01.000 He told me before when I first got here, he's like, I pulled my back the other day, but I don't want to mention it in front of Jake the Snake because it's embarrassing.

00:23:08.000 It should be embarrassing.

00:23:10.000 He tore his mangina.

00:23:13.000 He sneezed and tore his mangina.

00:23:15.000 It was a horrible sneeze.

00:23:17.000 Jamie's a good man.

00:23:18.000 I will not stand here while you disparage him so...

00:23:21.000 It's obvious though, isn't it?

00:23:24.000 Was the snake a problem when you would get on planes and shit?

00:23:28.000 It was a problem 24-7.

00:23:31.000 Would you keep it secret or would they let you on the plane with it?

00:23:33.000 I never said anything to anybody.

00:23:35.000 You just brought it?

00:23:36.000 No, I just put it in a trunk and then I put a blanket around the bag and then locked the trunk.

00:23:43.000 Did you carry it on or would you check it?

00:23:45.000 No, no, no, check it.

00:23:45.000 Wow.

00:23:46.000 That poor fucking snake.

00:23:47.000 Yeah, no shit.

00:23:49.000 That snake's like, why is it so cold in here?

00:23:51.000 Well, because you're 40,000 feet off the ground, you dumb fucker.

00:23:53.000 What's this goddamn noise?

00:23:55.000 Wow.

00:23:55.000 Well, the snake, man, the thing is, you laugh about it, it's like, wait a minute, I've got to trade the snake out after 10 days?

00:24:03.000 Yeah, they can't take it.

00:24:03.000 I'm like, really?

00:24:06.000 So a fucking snake can't live through the fucking scheduling, but yet I'm asked to do 90 fucking days straight.

00:24:12.000 So you had different snakes?

00:24:14.000 Yeah, yeah, about every 10 days, which used to really be funny because people would say, did you bring Damien?

00:24:18.000 I'm like, have you noticed that Damien some weeks is five foot shorter than the other?

00:24:23.000 It's not shrinkage, honey.

00:24:26.000 So your seven days a week would go on for the whole year?

00:24:31.000 God damn, they just worked you.

00:24:33.000 I wrestled steamboat 93 days straight.

00:24:38.000 And about 60 days in, I had to call my wife and get her to come take me around because I'd gotten dumbed out to the point that I couldn't think.

00:24:49.000 So I'd get to the airport, know that they want tickets, but I have no idea where they're at.

00:24:54.000 And I can't read anymore.

00:24:56.000 I'd look at stuff to read, but it just wouldn't work.

00:24:59.000 So I just had a big fucking...

00:25:01.000 Is it from exhaustion?

00:25:03.000 Exhaustion.

00:25:04.000 Wow.

00:25:05.000 Exhaustion.

00:25:06.000 You just get so beat up, man.

00:25:07.000 Your body's hurting so bad.

00:25:09.000 People say steroids.

00:25:10.000 Man, we were taking steroids just to try to get healthy.

00:25:13.000 To heal.

00:25:15.000 Right.

00:25:15.000 You know, that's what the shit was invented for.

00:25:17.000 For recovery.

00:25:18.000 Yeah.

00:25:19.000 You know, they invented it in World War II. I believe is what the story was.

00:25:23.000 For the...

00:25:24.000 They're prisoners of war.

00:25:25.000 Because they didn't want the American soldiers to come home looking like they did.

00:25:31.000 So they put them on slow fucking boats and fed them for three months.

00:25:36.000 And guys put on 30, 40 pounds.

00:25:38.000 They say there would have been another war if they'd have brought those troops home coming from concentration camps for the Germans or the Japanese and we'd have seen them the way they were.

00:25:49.000 And of course now that you can see some of those old films Was it hard to get them?

00:26:11.000 Yeah, right.

00:26:14.000 Did they help you get them?

00:26:16.000 No.

00:26:17.000 You had to get them on your own.

00:26:18.000 I can't say they helped me, but I will tell you this.

00:26:23.000 Okay, you said enough already.

00:26:26.000 What they would do is we would get booked in Hershey, Pennsylvania.

00:26:34.000 Now, when somebody told me this story first, I'm like, this is an old wives tale.

00:26:38.000 Because shit like that don't really happen.

00:26:42.000 You get to Tallentown Hershey, you go to the locker room, and all of a sudden, somebody says, oh, they need to see you in locker room three.

00:26:50.000 What the fuck did I do?

00:26:53.000 Then I'd go in there, and there's this doctor there, and he's got suitcases over here, boxes here, suitcases here, boxes there.

00:27:00.000 What do you need, kid?

00:27:02.000 Excuse me?

00:27:03.000 What do you need?

00:27:04.000 Up, down, what?

00:27:06.000 Wow.

00:27:07.000 What do you get?

00:27:07.000 Oh, Halcyon.

00:27:08.000 Those are good.

00:27:09.000 How many can I get?

00:27:10.000 If anything I want?

00:27:12.000 300. Got it right here.

00:27:14.000 Wow.

00:27:15.000 Steroids.

00:27:16.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:27:17.000 What do you got?

00:27:18.000 I'll take that, I'll take that, and I'll take that.

00:27:19.000 It was grocery shopping.

00:27:22.000 And it used to be funny because the guys would all, hey, Jake, you want to carry my shit for me?

00:27:29.000 Who would be going to Canada?

00:27:31.000 I'm like, sure.

00:27:31.000 It's going to cost you a percentage of your shit.

00:27:34.000 Give me 10% of what you got.

00:27:36.000 I'll carry it across the border for you.

00:27:38.000 Jesus Christ.

00:27:40.000 So you just roll the dice.

00:27:41.000 I got eight or ten guys.

00:27:43.000 I'm getting all their shit.

00:27:44.000 Where am I hiding it?

00:27:46.000 In the snake bag for crying out loud.

00:27:48.000 Oh, of course.

00:27:49.000 You put that in the bottom of the snake bag.

00:27:51.000 No one's fucking with that bag.

00:27:52.000 No, and you get over there and they go, we need to check the bag.

00:27:55.000 Go right ahead, brother, but I'm going to tell you right now.

00:27:57.000 I'm moving back.

00:27:58.000 What are you moving back for?

00:27:59.000 Because that motherfucker's pissed.

00:28:00.000 He hasn't eaten in three weeks.

00:28:03.000 And he's a little alarming.

00:28:04.000 Whoa.

00:28:05.000 If he does bite you, well, when he does bite you...

00:28:09.000 Try to hold still.

00:28:11.000 Hold still?

00:28:13.000 Yeah, because if you jerk, it's going to rip your flesh.

00:28:16.000 Which is true.

00:28:17.000 They tell you if a snake bites you, whatever you do, don't jerk away.

00:28:20.000 Excuse me, sir, your Rottweiler's chewing on my asshole.

00:28:24.000 Would you please kindly remove him?

00:28:26.000 No, you jerk and you fight to get away.

00:28:29.000 You used different kinds of snakes too, right?

00:28:32.000 Yeah, I used pythons and cobras.

00:28:33.000 When you used the cobra, did they defang them?

00:28:36.000 Yeah, damn it.

00:28:37.000 They de-venomized them.

00:28:38.000 They didn't defang them.

00:28:39.000 So they had the fangs?

00:28:40.000 They don't have fangs.

00:28:43.000 Cobras don't have fangs.

00:28:44.000 They have teeth.

00:28:45.000 Oh, really?

00:28:46.000 Yeah, it really sucks.

00:28:48.000 So they bite you no matter what?

00:28:49.000 It's like chewing a...

00:28:52.000 Have you ever fished and caught a catfish or something and you feel the spiny mouth?

00:28:56.000 That's what their bite felt like.

00:28:59.000 But it doesn't matter what it feels like.

00:29:01.000 It's what it looks like.

00:29:03.000 And there's a cobra there.

00:29:05.000 And the viewers don't know that at all.

00:29:08.000 Especially when you're a little boy watching it.

00:29:10.000 I mean, the Saturday morning that you sicked it on Macho Man Randy Savage affected an entire generation.

00:29:16.000 That was the best nut I've ever gotten.

00:29:19.000 Oh, there's no doubt.

00:29:20.000 I mean, it affected me so deeply as a kid.

00:29:23.000 To this day...

00:29:25.000 If I'm ever laying around with a girl and I'm having a little problem in the wood ski department, you know, it happens at 63. Ah, you put that on.

00:29:32.000 You know, and I put the video on, and instantly I'm kicking her ass, man.

00:29:37.000 Really?

00:29:37.000 Oh, brother.

00:29:38.000 That hits you hard.

00:29:39.000 A snake?

00:29:39.000 Damn straight, man.

00:29:40.000 Why?

00:29:41.000 Holy shit.

00:29:41.000 Watch me.

00:29:42.000 Watch the thing.

00:29:43.000 I mean, that was...

00:29:44.000 This was literally the ultimate bad guy putting a snake on a good guy.

00:29:49.000 I mean, look at the look on that kid's face in the corner there.

00:29:52.000 Oh, I know.

00:29:52.000 It's great, isn't it?

00:29:53.000 That's the best part.

00:29:55.000 Looks like somebody just shoved a finger up his ass or something.

00:29:58.000 That kid is ready to have a goddamn heart attack.

00:30:00.000 I bet you have a heart rate monitor on him.

00:30:02.000 He'd be like 180 beats per minute.

00:30:04.000 I had a conversation with one of my good friends, Pete.

00:30:07.000 You know Pete?

00:30:07.000 When he saw this...

00:30:08.000 You have a good friend.

00:30:09.000 That's the first question I want to ask you.

00:30:11.000 But check out, this is the kind of quality friend I have.

00:30:14.000 When he saw this as a kid, all on the same day that I saw it, he ran away from home.

00:30:23.000 It freaked him out so badly.

00:30:25.000 When you put this snake on Macho Man's arm, he packed it.

00:30:28.000 He didn't even have anywhere to go.

00:30:29.000 He ended up coming home later that night after it got cold.

00:30:33.000 Poor kid.

00:30:33.000 He packed a bag and just left.

00:30:36.000 How old was he?

00:30:37.000 Oh, jeez.

00:30:39.000 Probably, I would guess 11, 12, something like that.

00:30:44.000 300 kids are raped that day because of Jake, right?

00:30:46.000 Oh, no.

00:30:47.000 Let me tell you the real story on this whole fucking thing.

00:30:50.000 Yeah, I'd love that.

00:30:51.000 You want to hear this joke?

00:30:52.000 Yes!

00:30:52.000 Alright, here's how it really went down.

00:30:56.000 I've been waiting 30 years for this.

00:30:59.000 I'm done with the python because that motherfucker, to tell you the truth, is killing me.

00:31:03.000 You know, weighed 100 pounds, and then he would bite me, and then it would be 30, 40 stitches.

00:31:07.000 That was 30-something stitches there on that.

00:31:09.000 Really?

00:31:09.000 Yeah.

00:31:10.000 Oh, my God.

00:31:10.000 You got the vein.

00:31:12.000 What was really weird is the snake actually committed suicide that night.

00:31:16.000 Look at that shit!

00:31:18.000 It's cool, isn't it?

00:31:19.000 And Macho Man just handles it.

00:31:21.000 Look at that thing.

00:31:22.000 He got a better bite.

00:31:23.000 He's a tough motherfucker.

00:31:25.000 I reached down there and went, Mach, you're doing a great job, kid.

00:31:28.000 He's like, fuck you!

00:31:29.000 Look at that thing sinking its fucking teeth into him.

00:31:32.000 And then at the end, a little stream of blood comes through, and that was the final...

00:31:36.000 There we go.

00:31:36.000 Oh, my God.

00:31:37.000 I'm trying to get him loose.

00:31:39.000 I couldn't get him loose.

00:31:40.000 Oh, my God.

00:31:41.000 I struggled to get him off.

00:31:43.000 Oh, the blood!

00:31:44.000 Finally, I had to pry his mouth open to get him off.

00:31:46.000 And by the way, this is on a Saturday morning, so it's this.

00:31:49.000 You flip the channel, it's little old school cartoons that weren't even entertaining.

00:31:54.000 You know what I mean?

00:31:55.000 And then there's this chaos on another channel.

00:31:57.000 And it's so obviously real.

00:31:59.000 Oh yeah.

00:32:00.000 It's so obviously real.

00:32:01.000 Piper's terrified of snakes.

00:32:03.000 Ha ha ha!

00:32:04.000 Well, if he wasn't before.

00:32:06.000 Piper pulled a gun on me one time over a snake, man.

00:32:09.000 Really?

00:32:09.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:32:09.000 What happened?

00:32:10.000 I snuck up behind him with a snake and he fucking, he heard me.

00:32:13.000 He says, Jake, I went, yeah.

00:32:14.000 He goes, I know what you're fucking doing.

00:32:16.000 And he dove and got his fucking pistol and pulled it around.

00:32:19.000 Motherfucker, I'll kill you.

00:32:20.000 I'm like, okay, Roddy, I get it.

00:32:21.000 I get it.

00:32:22.000 The guy was shaking, man.

00:32:23.000 Jesus.

00:32:24.000 That's a real thing.

00:32:25.000 Here's the story.

00:32:26.000 Here's the story.

00:32:27.000 I'm in the locker room behaving myself.

00:32:31.000 Not minding a soul.

00:32:33.000 In fact, I believe I was cleaning the washcloth, you know, blackboards off and I was making it nice for everybody.

00:32:40.000 Macho walks in and he's like, alright brother.

00:32:44.000 We're gonna do it tonight I guess.

00:32:46.000 It's a story fucking going around.

00:32:48.000 We're gonna get down and do it.

00:32:51.000 Yeah dude, sounds great.

00:32:52.000 He's like, we're gonna take care of a little business first.

00:32:58.000 What?

00:32:58.000 About the snake?

00:33:00.000 Yeah.

00:33:02.000 Has he been fixed or not?

00:33:06.000 Fixed?

00:33:06.000 You mean poisonous?

00:33:08.000 He goes, yeah, that might be the fucking problem.

00:33:11.000 I'm like, Randy, of course he's been fixed.

00:33:13.000 He goes, maybe he hasn't, maybe he hasn't.

00:33:18.000 Stranger things have happened in the WWE. Somebody wants the macho man's intercut.

00:33:36.000 I'm like, dude, are you fucking...

00:33:38.000 Jake, I'm just telling you this.

00:33:41.000 He has to bite you.

00:33:44.000 Now.

00:33:45.000 Wow.

00:33:46.000 I'm like, what?

00:33:47.000 He goes, if not, we gotta go at it right now, me and you.

00:33:50.000 And he's up in my fucking face with his fist.

00:33:52.000 I'm like, fuck, man, what the fuck is wrong with you?

00:33:56.000 Don't play no fucking games, Jacob.

00:33:59.000 Get the fucking snake out!

00:34:02.000 So I got the snake out, man.

00:34:03.000 I'm like, you fucking psychotic motherfucker.

00:34:06.000 I'm like, any special place you want it to bite me like my dick?

00:34:09.000 He's like, anywhere's good.

00:34:12.000 How about the leg?

00:34:14.000 I'm like, fine.

00:34:15.000 So I got the cobra out and I pulled my pant leg up, shimmied him a little bit and stuck my leg up there and he fucking bit me.

00:34:23.000 Yeah, three, four seconds.

00:34:24.000 Let's go.

00:34:25.000 Macho's like, now don't fucking move.

00:34:27.000 Don't take no elitures.

00:34:28.000 Don't take no antidotes.

00:34:29.000 Don't take no pills.

00:34:31.000 Don't take no fucking pentagermy three or that bullshit.

00:34:36.000 You know?

00:34:37.000 Just fucking sit there.

00:34:38.000 I want to see the poison go through your body.

00:34:41.000 That's a great Macho Man impression.

00:34:43.000 Are you fucking kidding me, man?

00:34:44.000 And finally, after about ten minutes, he's like...

00:34:48.000 I guess you're gonna be okay.

00:34:49.000 I'm sorry I didn't fucking make you happy, you know?

00:34:51.000 I could have died.

00:34:52.000 If I'd known you want me to die, I'd die, you know?

00:34:54.000 He's like, okay, but tonight, brother, do me a fever.

00:35:00.000 Once the snake lets go of me, Bring him back.

00:35:05.000 I may want you to hook him back up again, because I want this idea to fucking make this bull some fucking big money.

00:35:10.000 Yeah, can you dig it?

00:35:11.000 Dig it.

00:35:12.000 All right, we're out of here.

00:35:14.000 Wow.

00:35:15.000 I said, all right, motherfucker, you wait.

00:35:17.000 I was pissed, man.

00:35:19.000 Because it's one thing to get bit in the heat of a moment.

00:35:23.000 Right.

00:35:23.000 But to sit there and fucking cold have to hike your fucking pant legs up and let a fucking snake chew on you to make a motherfucker happy.

00:35:30.000 Come on, give me a break, bro.

00:35:31.000 We're asking a lot.

00:35:33.000 If all those people were there, I'd probably feel less.

00:35:34.000 Yeah, it wouldn't hurt.

00:35:35.000 It wouldn't hurt.

00:35:36.000 I wouldn't have felt anything.

00:35:37.000 But to sit there in the locker room, cold.

00:35:41.000 Really?

00:35:43.000 No bloods pumping.

00:35:44.000 I remember during the match, we'd do the match, and boom, boom, boom, comes time.

00:35:48.000 Tie him in the ropes, get the snake out.

00:35:51.000 Okay, let's make sure he's a little unhappy.

00:35:53.000 So I turned my back to Macho Man.

00:35:54.000 He doesn't see me.

00:35:55.000 And I fucking paintbrushed the hell out of this fucking snake, man.

00:35:59.000 I pounded that motherfucker.

00:36:01.000 When I hit him that second time, his fucking mouth flew open, brother, and he's looking for anything to fucking buy.

00:36:07.000 I just went, whoa, and took him to Macho, man, and boom, he latched on.

00:36:12.000 And he's chewing, he's chewing.

00:36:14.000 I'm like, Macho's doing a great job.

00:36:15.000 He's like, fuck you!

00:36:16.000 Fuck you, motherfucker!

00:36:18.000 Wow, Randy, you look so believable!

00:36:20.000 Goddamn!

00:36:22.000 What did they do to the snake?

00:36:25.000 Remove the poison glands?

00:36:27.000 Remove the venom sacs, yeah.

00:36:29.000 So there's no venom in its body at all?

00:36:31.000 No, damn it.

00:36:31.000 They even replace it with fucking stuff they use for bullying plants, man.

00:36:38.000 Silicone?

00:36:39.000 Silicone.

00:36:40.000 Silicone.

00:36:40.000 Oh.

00:36:41.000 Yeah, salientonic.

00:36:42.000 Better, too.

00:36:43.000 So they just cut them out?

00:36:45.000 It's just like an operation or something like that?

00:36:46.000 They cut them out and fill them with silicone, man, so they can't regrow them.

00:36:49.000 Oh, wow.

00:36:50.000 Yeah.

00:36:50.000 Wow.

00:36:51.000 So they can't, otherwise they would regrow them?

00:36:53.000 Yeah.

00:36:53.000 What a creepy fucking animal, huh?

00:36:55.000 Wow.

00:36:56.000 Frightening.

00:36:56.000 Oh, man.

00:36:57.000 Especially as a kid.

00:36:58.000 And that did shoot you guys up a big level.

00:37:00.000 It did.

00:37:00.000 Oh, yeah.

00:37:01.000 I couldn't imagine.

00:37:02.000 What year is this?

00:37:03.000 What are we talking about?

00:37:04.000 Oh, 91. Wow.

00:37:07.000 Yeah, it fucking rocked the world, bro.

00:37:08.000 Yeah.

00:37:09.000 Yeah, I mean, for a little kid to watch a real snake, an actual cobra.

00:37:13.000 I couldn't get laid for months, man.

00:37:15.000 Really?

00:37:15.000 Yeah.

00:37:16.000 I know that fucking snake's in your room.

00:37:17.000 You're not fucking lying to me.

00:37:18.000 Oh, come on, baby.

00:37:19.000 Wow.

00:37:19.000 Please, baby.

00:37:22.000 And you really did have the snake in your room.

00:37:24.000 Yeah, of course he was in the room.

00:37:25.000 In the bathtub.

00:37:26.000 Usually in the bathtub, playing in the water.

00:37:28.000 Oh, wow.

00:37:29.000 You know what, it's like 4 o'clock in the morning for a fucking drunk junkie to walk in the bathroom.

00:37:36.000 Now, I'm paranoid as a motherfucker anyway because I'm fucking on all this shit.

00:37:39.000 And now I've got to look down on a 15-foot snake that's fucking got his mouth open looking at my fucking little dick.

00:37:45.000 Are you serious?

00:37:46.000 I'm not pissing.

00:37:48.000 What do you mean I've got to take a shit?

00:37:49.000 Nah, not anymore.

00:37:51.000 So I go in the other room.

00:37:52.000 I piss in a fucking bottle.

00:37:54.000 Oops, I missed.

00:37:54.000 What the fuck?

00:37:55.000 Just piss in the floor.

00:37:56.000 Wow.

00:37:57.000 Yeah.

00:37:57.000 Don't walk in my room barefooted.

00:37:59.000 Squish, squish.

00:38:01.000 What did you feed it?

00:38:02.000 I didn't.

00:38:03.000 You didn't?

00:38:03.000 I was only out there every 10 days.

00:38:05.000 So how often do they eat?

00:38:07.000 Once every six weeks or so.

00:38:09.000 Oh, really?

00:38:10.000 Yeah.

00:38:10.000 So really, the action and the flying and everything, they'd only live for 10 days?

00:38:14.000 Yeah, they had to get them off the road and let them heal because a snake's lungs go the entire length of their body.

00:38:21.000 They're very tiny, so they get pneumonia really easy.

00:38:25.000 Of course, being in minus 40 doesn't help either, but they do get pneumonia really easy.

00:38:30.000 Would you have to get a new snake?

00:38:32.000 Was that your responsibility?

00:38:34.000 We had a guy in Stanford, Connecticut.

00:38:37.000 He was Charles Manson Revisited.

00:38:40.000 This guy was a freak.

00:38:44.000 Stanford, Connecticut's a weird place.

00:38:46.000 Okay.

00:38:46.000 He had a farm in town, Connecticut.

00:38:49.000 What?

00:38:49.000 In Stanford?

00:38:49.000 And they did not know that he had over a thousand snakes in that farm, on that building.

00:38:55.000 And about 150 of them were poisonous.

00:38:57.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:38:58.000 Because he was collecting venom for different pharmaceutical companies.

00:39:01.000 But I remember one time having to get a snake from him, and he flew it to Omaha.

00:39:07.000 And he'd been working with me for a couple of years.

00:39:11.000 I said, Albert, man, I'm going to take care of you tonight, brother.

00:39:13.000 He goes, what is it, Jake?

00:39:15.000 I'm like, I'm going to take you to the strip joint.

00:39:17.000 He's like, it's not necessary.

00:39:19.000 I'm like, I know it's not necessary, man, but hey, brother, let me take you out until we get there, man.

00:39:25.000 He's just kind of like sitting there, and we just head down towards the table looking at his beer.

00:39:28.000 He hadn't drank much of it.

00:39:29.000 I'm like, I'm going to get this motherfucker going, you know?

00:39:33.000 So I said, dude, you pick her out.

00:39:36.000 If she'll take a price, I'll pay for it.

00:39:39.000 In other words, I'm going to buy him some pussy.

00:39:41.000 He goes, no, Jake, I'm just going to dig my snakes, man.

00:39:46.000 Whoa.

00:39:46.000 Excuse me?

00:39:47.000 I just want to go back to the room and play with my snakes, man.

00:39:50.000 That's kind of what I like to do.

00:39:54.000 I'm going to change rooms to a different floor.

00:39:58.000 Wow.

00:39:59.000 Yeah.

00:39:59.000 He was a real freakazoid man.

00:40:01.000 Just in the snakes.

00:40:02.000 Is he still alive?

00:40:03.000 Yeah, he is.

00:40:04.000 He was in Florida when that bad hurricane hit down there.

00:40:07.000 And he was working at a gator farm and poisonous snake venom collection point.

00:40:13.000 And they had like 800 snakes down there, right?

00:40:15.000 So the hurricane hits and just fucking levels the place.

00:40:19.000 Well, I'm calling for days, trying to get a hold of him, see if he's alright.

00:40:22.000 And I finally get a hold of him, and I'm like, dude, why aren't you so fucking happy?

00:40:26.000 He goes, I'm having the best time of my life, man.

00:40:28.000 This is fucking like, God's made this especially for me.

00:40:30.000 I'm like, what are you talking about?

00:40:31.000 He goes, I get to find all those snakes.

00:40:34.000 I'm like, you get to find them.

00:40:36.000 Let me think.

00:40:37.000 You're going to dig through all that shit.

00:40:39.000 Sorry.

00:40:41.000 All that shit, and...

00:40:43.000 Lift up stuff and stick your hand down in holes and shit to find these poisonous snakes.

00:40:48.000 Yeah, man.

00:40:48.000 It's cool, isn't it?

00:40:49.000 It's cool, isn't it?

00:40:49.000 I'm like, fuck you, Alfred.

00:40:51.000 You're fucked up, man.

00:40:52.000 What is it with Florida and snakes?

00:40:56.000 He's from Connecticut, man.

00:40:57.000 Whatever.

00:40:58.000 I know, but he went to Florida.

00:40:59.000 It draws him there like a magnet.

00:41:01.000 He was in Connecticut, man, and they asked him to go do...

00:41:04.000 Anything for the boys club, you know, introduce them to snakes and blah blah blah and be great, you know, for the 8 to 12 year olds.

00:41:12.000 So he gets in there and he's talking to them about this Mexican rattler.

00:41:18.000 Now, first thing you know about snakes is this.

00:41:21.000 They can be poisonous.

00:41:22.000 And a poisonous snake's children, what happens there?

00:41:24.000 They're not healthy.

00:41:25.000 They will hurt you.

00:41:26.000 They can kill you.

00:41:27.000 Yes, that's right.

00:41:27.000 So that's why you should always keep your...

00:41:31.000 Oh my God.

00:41:32.000 Hold on.

00:41:33.000 Okay, look.

00:41:33.000 He's accidentally bit me.

00:41:36.000 You know, I've been bitten now, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

00:41:39.000 Somebody call 911. I'm just going to explain to you what I'm feeling right now, so if you ever get bitten, you'll know what you're going to expect to feel after you've been bitten.

00:41:50.000 Was he fucking with these kids?

00:41:51.000 No, no.

00:41:51.000 He's fucking biting.

00:41:52.000 He's been bitten, man.

00:41:53.000 Yeah, he's fucked.

00:41:55.000 And he knows that he's fucked.

00:41:57.000 Because here's the thing about Mexican rattlesnakes.

00:42:01.000 Not many of those in Connecticut.

00:42:04.000 So you don't have any at-time in them, do you?

00:42:06.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:42:07.000 No, they got a flight in from fucking, you know, Atlanta or wherever.

00:42:10.000 So by the time they get that shit out there, they're talking, man, he's fucked.

00:42:13.000 They wound up having to cut all the meat off one of his bones on his finger, so he got like this gnarly...

00:42:18.000 So he had necropsy, right?

00:42:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:42:20.000 I've seen a video or a website, rather, detailing this kid who got bit in the arm, and then they had to get him somewhere to safety, but it took hours.

00:42:30.000 They had a med vacuum in a helicopter.

00:42:32.000 His whole arm rotted away down to the bone.

00:42:35.000 So they had to take meat from his legs.

00:42:37.000 Skin it off.

00:42:38.000 Yeah.

00:42:39.000 And put, you know...

00:42:40.000 I mean, it was a giant...

00:42:53.000 10 to 12 inch patch of his arm was gone.

00:42:55.000 Yeah, it fucks you up.

00:42:57.000 Plus, the really cool looking thing that it does is it causes all the small capillaries in your eyes to burst.

00:43:04.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:43:04.000 So your eyes are like blood red.

00:43:06.000 Wow.

00:43:07.000 Except they're bumpy.

00:43:08.000 Ugh.

00:43:09.000 You know?

00:43:10.000 Like, he would close his eyes and I'd run my finger over his eyelid and he'd just feel all these little bumps and crevices.

00:43:16.000 Damn, that's weird shit, man.

00:43:17.000 How long did it take for him to recover?

00:43:18.000 He's in the hospital for a couple weeks, man.

00:43:20.000 I had to put him in a coma for like six days.

00:43:23.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:43:25.000 That's so cool, man.

00:43:26.000 That's so cool.

00:43:27.000 Does he have a tolerance to regular venom?

00:43:30.000 Because I know a lot of those guys...

00:43:31.000 He's building a tolerance to different ones.

00:43:32.000 Yeah, they make themselves get bit.

00:43:34.000 Yeah.

00:43:34.000 Cobra, I think he's pretty much clean on now.

00:43:36.000 This guy sounds like he's going to end up being a supervillain of some kind.

00:43:41.000 He could be, man, because I swear to God, he is Charles Manson.

00:43:44.000 Wow.

00:43:44.000 He looks like Charles Manson.

00:43:46.000 He looks weird.

00:43:47.000 And when he smiles, it's like, dude, that is not healthy.

00:43:50.000 You know, oh, fuck, man.

00:43:53.000 Wow.

00:43:53.000 He's a true man.

00:43:54.000 Well, imagine what this guy would be like without snakes.

00:43:57.000 Thank God snakes exist.

00:43:58.000 Well, you know, the steamboat, you know, came up with the Komodo dragon thing, you know, to combat the snake back in the day.

00:44:04.000 I don't know if you remember.

00:44:06.000 So, of course, that's who Albert, Albert was the guy with the Komodo dragons.

00:44:10.000 So he had some pot that he was growing up in the mountains and he took one of the dragons with him to get it out in the sunlight.

00:44:20.000 So they put it in this fucking station wagon and they go up in the mountains and they had to walk to their place where they got the stuff growing so they close the car door up and leave the window down about that much and take off.

00:44:33.000 Come back, windows busted.

00:44:36.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:45:03.000 Chasing her poor little poodle.

00:45:06.000 When we get back, see our monster.

00:45:10.000 Wow.

00:45:10.000 They come back, and I'm sitting there going, what the fuck?

00:45:13.000 Thought to be prehistoric.

00:45:14.000 I've got to see this shit.

00:45:16.000 And the fucking thing comes back up, and I'm like, that's fucking Albert's fucking thing, man.

00:45:21.000 It's the thing that had escaped two months later.

00:45:23.000 Yeah.

00:45:24.000 It had gained like 35 pounds.

00:45:26.000 Oh, jeez.

00:45:26.000 He probably ate everybody's dogs.

00:45:27.000 He's eating everybody's dogs and cats in the neighborhood, man.

00:45:30.000 Probably a couple of kids, too.

00:45:31.000 That is such a ruthless animal.

00:45:33.000 You know, those things are so ruthless that the little baby Komodo dragons smear shit on themselves so that the grown-ups don't eat them, so that their parents don't eat them.

00:45:42.000 They roll around in shit so that their parents don't eat them.

00:45:46.000 Because when Komodo dragons are eating intestines, they shake the shit out of intestines.

00:45:52.000 They don't like to eat shit.

00:45:54.000 As weird as that is.

00:45:56.000 See, that's just bad attitude.

00:45:59.000 I thought I had a problem with cocaine.

00:46:02.000 Can you imagine that?

00:46:03.000 They eat their fucking kids, so the kids know this, so they somehow or another know to smear themselves in shit.

00:46:10.000 I'd learn pretty quick.

00:46:11.000 Yeah, you see your sister get chewed up.

00:46:13.000 Yeah, right.

00:46:14.000 You see them avoid shit but eat your sister.

00:46:17.000 You're like, that shit is salvation.

00:46:20.000 Wow.

00:46:20.000 Give me some good shit.

00:46:21.000 It had gained 30 pounds.

00:46:23.000 That's fucking crazy.

00:46:24.000 Yeah.

00:46:25.000 Let it loose in Florida.

00:46:26.000 They won't even notice.

00:46:27.000 Fuck no, no.

00:46:27.000 Everything else they got down there.

00:46:30.000 Yeah.

00:46:30.000 Yeah, that Florida Everglades is so crazy.

00:46:33.000 It's covered with pythons, man.

00:46:34.000 So bad that they're eating alligators.

00:46:36.000 They did this study.

00:46:37.000 They found that they couldn't find any raccoons.

00:46:40.000 They couldn't find any swamp rabbits or marsh hares, I guess they call them.

00:46:44.000 So the pythons.

00:46:44.000 Yeah.

00:46:45.000 Everything got killed by pythons.

00:46:46.000 So then the pythons moved on to alligators.

00:46:49.000 Yeah.

00:46:50.000 Alligators!

00:46:50.000 They don't fuck around, man.

00:46:52.000 I've got a picture of an anaconda swallowing an 800-pound horse.

00:46:59.000 What?

00:46:59.000 It's got the head and the front legs already chewed up inside his mouth.

00:47:03.000 Where's this picture?

00:47:04.000 You know.

00:47:05.000 I needed it.

00:47:05.000 I'll get to you.

00:47:06.000 I need that.

00:47:07.000 It's fucking gross as shit, man.

00:47:08.000 See if you can find that.

00:47:09.000 Jamie will find it.

00:47:10.000 The horse's body is like this big.

00:47:11.000 With his back, he probably can't pull it up.

00:47:14.000 Oh!

00:47:14.000 No!

00:47:17.000 Jamie, he's coming at you hard.

00:47:20.000 I bet in all your years you never thought Jake the Snake would be roasting you live on the internet.

00:47:25.000 Believe that.

00:47:26.000 About a perceived back injury.

00:47:28.000 And nailing a pull-it-up reference.

00:47:32.000 Yeah, he got you, bro.

00:47:33.000 I'm not just a short face and a pretty dick.

00:47:36.000 Pretty dick and short face.

00:47:38.000 Short dick and a pretty face, that's it.

00:47:40.000 Did you ever loathe the day that you came up with the gimmick of having snakes?

00:47:44.000 Oh god, yeah.

00:47:45.000 I would imagine it would be such a pain in the ass to see everybody else just traveling solo.

00:47:49.000 Here's the thing.

00:47:51.000 I come up with this idea like in 1975. Wow.

00:47:55.000 Because I was listening to Monday Night Football and they were talking about Kenny Stabler.

00:47:59.000 Remember him?

00:48:00.000 Played for the Raiders.

00:48:01.000 I remember the name.

00:48:01.000 Left-hand quarterback, man.

00:48:03.000 Sling it, and boy, he could sling it, man.

00:48:05.000 And he also liked to party, man.

00:48:07.000 So I dug him, man.

00:48:08.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:48:09.000 He's like, this motherfucker's cool, brother.

00:48:11.000 I mean, on Super Bowl Eve, he took all the linemen with him out to the bars.

00:48:17.000 They didn't show up until 4.30 in the morning.

00:48:19.000 Yeah.

00:48:20.000 Super Bowl-y!

00:48:21.000 Yeah, here's the thing.

00:48:23.000 Did the coach keep them from playing?

00:48:25.000 I don't think so.

00:48:26.000 But he did tell them, you better fucking win.

00:48:29.000 Yeah.

00:48:29.000 That's all that was his name told.

00:48:31.000 You better fucking win.

00:48:32.000 Because if you don't, tomorrow's your last fucking day.

00:48:37.000 Oh yeah, and Stabler took them out there and they won the game.

00:48:41.000 Was he into snakes?

00:48:43.000 I don't know.

00:48:44.000 I don't know, but I love the Kenny Stable, the snake thing.

00:48:48.000 Oh, here it is.

00:48:48.000 A hippo, actually.

00:48:50.000 A hippo.

00:48:51.000 That's a fucking hippo.

00:48:52.000 It ate a hippo.

00:48:54.000 Jesus Christ.

00:48:56.000 Oh, well.

00:48:56.000 It's got to be a baby hippo.

00:48:58.000 I don't know.

00:48:58.000 It doesn't look like it's too fucking small.

00:49:00.000 Yeah, but hippos are huge.

00:49:01.000 Baby hippos are probably as big as your dick.

00:49:05.000 Here we go.

00:49:06.000 Whoa!

00:49:09.000 Which is pretty amazing because they can't gurgitate.

00:49:12.000 Somebody had to pull that shit out.

00:49:13.000 That's insane.

00:49:14.000 I was riding down the road listening Monday Night Football and I'm like, fuck it, that'd be too much, man, if a fucking wrestler, you know, smoking some weed, you know, carry a snake around and fuck with the other wrestlers.

00:49:28.000 And drinking and more and more and more.

00:49:32.000 And the next day I woke up and I'm like, that fucking idea I had last night about carrying a fucking snake.

00:49:40.000 I'm terrified of snakes.

00:49:41.000 Because I'm terrified of snakes.

00:49:42.000 But how did you connect that to the football player?

00:49:44.000 Because he was Kenny the Snake Stabler.

00:49:47.000 Oh!

00:49:48.000 He called him the Snake.

00:49:49.000 Oh!

00:49:50.000 He was just badass, man.

00:49:51.000 I wanted to be the Snake, too.

00:49:53.000 And you were already Jake Roberts?

00:49:55.000 No, I wasn't even Jake Roberts.

00:49:56.000 And then I looked for a name with Snake.

00:50:00.000 Blake the Snake.

00:50:01.000 Nah.

00:50:02.000 Nah.

00:50:04.000 Blake.

00:50:05.000 Jake is bad.

00:50:06.000 Fuck that guy.

00:50:07.000 Jake is a badass name.

00:50:09.000 Blake is like a guy with a golf shirt on.

00:50:14.000 Flaky snakey.

00:50:15.000 He's got a 40 foot putt.

00:50:16.000 Here's Blake the snake.

00:50:17.000 Blake has a bad back.

00:50:20.000 Not even Blake would have a bad back.

00:50:24.000 He's got a bigger mangina than that.

00:50:26.000 Oh, no.

00:50:27.000 But, you know, I was like, what the fuck was I thinking?

00:50:30.000 Because I'm terrified of snakes.

00:50:31.000 I'll never do that fucking gimmick.

00:50:32.000 Fuck that.

00:50:33.000 But I did go and said, okay, I've got to think of a name.

00:50:36.000 God, Jake the Snake, that works.

00:50:38.000 Then I went, Jay.

00:50:39.000 Jay, wait, wait.

00:50:39.000 Why am I thinking that?

00:50:41.000 And at the time, the TV program was Dallas.

00:50:44.000 Who's the bad guy?

00:50:45.000 J.R. Ah.

00:50:47.000 J.R. Jake the Snake.

00:50:51.000 Wow.

00:50:53.000 Bada bing.

00:50:54.000 And I came up with Robertson.

00:50:57.000 How did you get a snake?

00:50:59.000 Well, after years of throwing it out there occasionally and getting, are you fucking serious?

00:51:06.000 Wrestling is not a fucking circus.

00:51:08.000 The fuck it ain't.

00:51:09.000 Excuse me, Bill Watts.

00:51:11.000 Fat fuck.

00:51:13.000 Thieving bastard.

00:51:15.000 But this is before Vince.

00:51:17.000 This is before you're in the WWF. So what organization was this with?

00:51:21.000 This was Mid-South.

00:51:22.000 And they just fucking, you know, under no certain terms.

00:51:27.000 Wait a minute.

00:51:27.000 You don't want me to carry a snake, but the guy I'm wrestling has got a fucking hockey mask on.

00:51:32.000 And every night he fucking headbutts me with it.

00:51:35.000 And you have me carve my fucking forehead open so he can bleed everywhere.

00:51:38.000 But it's not a circus.

00:51:39.000 I get that.

00:51:41.000 Totally.

00:51:41.000 You betcha.

00:51:42.000 You know, so blow it out the window.

00:51:44.000 Then I went to fucking New York and...

00:51:47.000 That's when Vince hit me with the, you're going to be wearing purple or lime green spandex, which I said, I ain't no fucking faggot.

00:51:54.000 I'm not wearing that shit.

00:51:55.000 What year is this?

00:51:57.000 With Vince?

00:51:58.000 85, 86. People forget how long Vince has been in the camp.

00:52:03.000 Oh, hell yeah.

00:52:04.000 He bought that guy out, the guy Bill Watts, Mid-South.

00:52:08.000 He just went to every territory and just said, I'll give you this amount of money, I'm just taking everything.

00:52:13.000 Out of the goodness of my heart, I'm giving this to you because I'm taking all your television.

00:52:18.000 Crazy.

00:52:18.000 All the people, it was all split up into territory, so everybody had their own business.

00:52:23.000 Three or four states might be another one territory.

00:52:25.000 You know what's really crazy about Vince is how fucking jacked he is.

00:52:28.000 What is he, like 75?

00:52:30.000 How old is he?

00:52:32.000 64?

00:52:32.000 65?

00:52:33.000 He's got older than that.

00:52:34.000 Oh, really?

00:52:34.000 He was on the cover of Men's Fitness with chains around his neck.

00:52:40.000 Real recently.

00:52:41.000 Jacked!

00:52:41.000 There's something about growth hormone that just continues to work.

00:52:45.000 I think there's a lot more going on than just growth hormone.

00:52:48.000 Oh, I'm sure there is.

00:52:49.000 I have a feeling it's a cornucopia.

00:52:52.000 Look at this.

00:52:54.000 This is him.

00:52:55.000 Yeah.

00:52:55.000 73. What in the fuck is that?

00:52:59.000 How is that a 73-year-old man living in the traps?

00:53:01.000 That's the billionaire tunk.

00:53:03.000 That is insane.

00:53:06.000 How jacked his back is.

00:53:07.000 73 years old.

00:53:08.000 He's built like Brock Lesnar.

00:53:09.000 That is insane.

00:53:11.000 He's the man.

00:53:12.000 Imagine, like, seeing this when you were a kid.

00:53:14.000 Like, this is what Grandpa looks like.

00:53:16.000 Yeah.

00:53:16.000 You'd be like, what the fuck is going on with Grandpa?

00:53:19.000 No wonder Grandma fucked Daddy.

00:53:21.000 Yeah.

00:53:21.000 That is insane.

00:53:23.000 73 years old.

00:53:24.000 There is nobody on this planet that works as hard as he does.

00:53:27.000 There's no other way it's possible.

00:53:30.000 I mean, the guy, he's everywhere.

00:53:32.000 And the one video where he runs to the ring and is on his way and dives into it and slams his thigh into the side of the ring, blows his fucking quad off the bone.

00:53:44.000 And then still plays it out and does it sitting down.

00:53:47.000 The guy must have been in unbelievable agony.

00:53:51.000 He can't even stand up.

00:53:53.000 And he's just sitting there, sitting on his butt, and everybody has to improvise for this guy sitting on his ass because he blew his quads off of his bone.

00:54:02.000 Watch this shit.

00:54:03.000 Look at this.

00:54:03.000 I mean, this is fucking crazy.

00:54:05.000 I did the same thing and tore my knee.

00:54:06.000 Look at this.

00:54:07.000 He dives in.

00:54:08.000 Bam!

00:54:08.000 Slams it.

00:54:09.000 Look at it.

00:54:10.000 His leg gives out.

00:54:11.000 Yeah, he's done.

00:54:13.000 At that point, you're adrenaline.

00:54:14.000 All you're thinking is, get the fuck up.

00:54:16.000 That's all you're thinking.

00:54:17.000 But it's crazy that he's just sitting there.

00:54:19.000 The funniest part of this is this is the final moment of the Royal Rumble.

00:54:24.000 This is a huge, long build-up, and it's controversial because they both went over the top and landed.

00:54:28.000 So there's this tie, so all the refs are trying to figure out what's going on.

00:54:32.000 So it makes it even funnier that Vince is just sitting there.

00:54:35.000 With his legs stretched out.

00:54:37.000 Look how big Bautista was that.

00:54:38.000 Jesus Christ.

00:54:40.000 He's so much bigger than he is now in Guardians of the Galaxy.

00:54:43.000 You forget how big he was.

00:54:44.000 I think he might have been on Vince McMahon's protein diet.

00:54:46.000 There's no way.

00:54:47.000 That's all natural, bro.

00:54:48.000 That's vegan.

00:54:49.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:54:49.000 Vegan.

00:54:50.000 That's beans and stuff.

00:54:51.000 Uh-huh.

00:54:52.000 Yeah.

00:54:52.000 Jesus Christ.

00:54:53.000 Jack and the bean.

00:54:54.000 Stalk.

00:54:56.000 It's incredible.

00:54:57.000 I mean, just the fact that that guy was able to do that.

00:55:00.000 I gotta bring this up because we were watching this in the green room right before we got in.

00:55:04.000 David Arquette is wrestling.

00:55:06.000 Yeah.

00:55:06.000 Did you know this?

00:55:07.000 Yeah, David Arquette's...

00:55:08.000 Covered in blood.

00:55:09.000 Yeah.

00:55:09.000 Got a lightbulb smashed in his head.

00:55:12.000 Cuts all over his face.

00:55:13.000 Which beats a fucking 2x4.

00:55:15.000 Yeah.

00:55:15.000 A lightbulb is much easier than a 2x4.

00:55:17.000 What is the worst shit you ever got hit with?

00:55:19.000 A guitar.

00:55:20.000 A guitar.

00:55:21.000 Oh, that's Honky Tonk, right?

00:55:22.000 Yeah, it was a real guitar.

00:55:23.000 That's really surprising to me because it always appeared like the Honky Tonk's guitar was just an exploding...

00:55:30.000 They all were after that.

00:55:31.000 What is this?

00:55:32.000 WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.

00:55:35.000 Wait a minute.

00:55:35.000 He was their champion for a while.

00:55:37.000 What?

00:55:38.000 It was a highly controversial moment.

00:55:44.000 Heavyweight Champion?

00:55:45.000 How much does he weigh?

00:55:48.000 140. That doesn't make any sense.

00:55:50.000 140 hard.

00:55:51.000 He is definitely built way bigger.

00:55:54.000 He's way thicker than he's ever been before.

00:55:55.000 Because when they showed him on TMZ, he was running around.

00:55:58.000 He looked jacked.

00:55:59.000 He's got diva size now.

00:56:01.000 He's got a mangina.

00:56:04.000 See if you can find the video, the TMZ video.

00:56:07.000 Because it's kind of fucking hilarious.

00:56:08.000 It is, really.

00:56:09.000 It just goes to show you what happens, though, man.

00:56:12.000 You know, it's a lust that you get for it.

00:56:15.000 You know, wrestling.

00:56:16.000 I mean, I hated wrestling growing up.

00:56:19.000 Hated it.

00:56:20.000 Because your dad did it.

00:56:21.000 Yeah, because my dad did it, and he was never home, so I blamed wrestling for him never being home.

00:56:25.000 Bottom line was he didn't give a fuck about kids, except those he could rape.

00:56:31.000 Look at that.

00:56:31.000 He got hit in the head.

00:56:33.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:56:34.000 That guy stabbed him in the fucking head.

00:56:36.000 Gouging, yeah.

00:56:38.000 With a fluorescent light bulb that he just shattered.

00:56:41.000 By the way, you can get that dust in your eyes, the glass dust.

00:56:44.000 But look how big he is.

00:56:46.000 Yeah, he's huge.

00:56:46.000 Our kid was never that big before.

00:56:48.000 He's looking more like an Eddie Guerrero right there, you know?

00:56:51.000 Kind of hilarious.

00:56:53.000 Look how jacked he is.

00:56:54.000 The cool thing about David doing this is that he just got sober a few years ago, and he's doing this to keep life exciting for him.

00:57:02.000 You know what I mean?

00:57:03.000 Is that why he's doing it, or he just doesn't have any movie roles coming in?

00:57:06.000 No.

00:57:07.000 He's okay.

00:57:08.000 Both will do it.

00:57:09.000 How do you know he's okay?

00:57:10.000 What are you, his agent?

00:57:12.000 Well, I... He went, no, but he's...

00:57:14.000 He's a wrestling agent.

00:57:15.000 You suck.

00:57:15.000 He's fucking jacked, dude.

00:57:17.000 I mean, I'm very impressed with his physique.

00:57:19.000 Arquette got into executive producing a bunch of stuff.

00:57:22.000 Like, he's one of the executive producers of, like, Cougar Town.

00:57:26.000 Oh, that was with his ex-wife.

00:57:27.000 Yeah, all these massive shows.

00:57:29.000 Oh, man, he runs back in and gets stumped.

00:57:30.000 I like that.

00:57:31.000 But you see where he just fucking pushes back from the guys and goes, no, I'm going to lay down here.

00:57:35.000 I'm not going to fucking get hit again.

00:57:36.000 Oh, and then he just hit him with a chair with a broken glass on it.

00:57:39.000 This is some high-level production for 50 people in the room.

00:57:44.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:57:45.000 It's all family, though.

00:57:46.000 All the blood and everything.

00:57:47.000 Jesus Christ.

00:57:48.000 Hunks of glass in the ring is brilliant.

00:57:50.000 Yeah, that is crazy.

00:57:52.000 Now, that's...

00:57:53.000 Then he leaves the fucking ring like he knows what's wrong, right?

00:57:55.000 He's pissed.

00:57:55.000 You can tell he's pissed.

00:57:56.000 It didn't go the way he wanted it to.

00:57:58.000 Yeah.

00:58:00.000 Do you think he's pissed?

00:58:01.000 Yeah, he was pissed.

00:58:02.000 Do you think they planned that out?

00:58:04.000 Somebody fucked him somewhere in there.

00:58:05.000 He got fucked.

00:58:06.000 You think so?

00:58:07.000 Yeah.

00:58:07.000 Because you see him going for the guy, then the guy just took him over, and then started to get back on him.

00:58:14.000 He wasn't expecting that.

00:58:15.000 He thought he was going up.

00:58:17.000 Oh.

00:58:18.000 And then you see him just fucking get up and just fucking storm out of the fucking ring.

00:58:22.000 Why didn't you stay and kick his fucking ass?

00:58:24.000 Because obviously you can't.

00:58:26.000 See, he's trying to get to him, but the guy won't fucking let him.

00:58:28.000 Now watch.

00:58:29.000 Guy takes him over, and he's on top of him.

00:58:31.000 He's hooking him for the one, two, three.

00:58:33.000 He got the one, two, three, see?

00:58:35.000 He did not want that to fucking happen.

00:58:36.000 Now watch this.

00:58:39.000 Just gets up.

00:58:39.000 Fuck it, I'm going home.

00:58:41.000 Yeah, I'm straight out.

00:58:42.000 That's interesting because you see this from the eyes of professional wrestling.

00:58:46.000 I see this from the eyes of a layman in the crowd, and I don't see that.

00:58:51.000 That's fascinating.

00:58:52.000 You see a double cross.

00:58:54.000 Oh yeah, that's a double cross, no doubt.

00:58:56.000 Somebody got fucked there.

00:58:57.000 Because that's why he got the quick one, two, three count on him.

00:59:00.000 Yeah.

00:59:01.000 You know?

00:59:02.000 He didn't expect that.

00:59:03.000 David Arquette sitting back knowing that Jake the Snake is doing commentary on his match.

00:59:07.000 I love it.

00:59:08.000 David?

00:59:09.000 Get a day job.

00:59:11.000 And send your sister over a year.

00:59:14.000 Outrageous.

00:59:15.000 Listen, he just needs practice.

00:59:17.000 He's a young buck.

00:59:18.000 I mean, didn't Dallas...

00:59:19.000 Dallas started when he was 36. 36. Yeah, I started when he was 36. Imagine that.

00:59:24.000 And the crazy part is you were one of his original mentors.

00:59:27.000 I'm the guy that said, I'll fucking teach you because everybody else said you're too fucking old.

00:59:31.000 Yeah.

00:59:33.000 Specifically, Ric Flair.

00:59:34.000 Ric Flair told him, Dallas, you've been a manager, you do this well, you do that well, but you're 36. Get a grip on it.

00:59:43.000 You're too fucking old to start.

00:59:45.000 And when Dallas told me that, I'm like, fuck it, man.

00:59:47.000 Is it really your dream?

00:59:48.000 He says, it's my fucking dream, man.

00:59:49.000 I want it.

00:59:51.000 Fuck it, I'll teach you.

00:59:52.000 And that's when I started.

00:59:53.000 I moved in with him.

00:59:54.000 And then we had the infamous snake incident in his house.

00:59:59.000 What was the infamous snake incident?

01:00:03.000 I got busy with a girlfriend and forgot what I was doing upstairs.

01:00:07.000 I was washing the snake off and went back downstairs to check on her and she caught me by surprise and raped me.

01:00:13.000 It was horrible, but it was great.

01:00:15.000 So I stayed and then I went, oh my god, I forgot the snake upstairs.

01:00:19.000 So I ran back upstairs and realized it had been two and a half hours.

01:00:23.000 And Dallas is just coming out of his bedroom and he's like, Fuck, you been in the shower the whole time?

01:00:27.000 I'm like, yeah, man, I just, yeah, I'm sweaty.

01:00:30.000 Look at me.

01:00:31.000 I ain't been in the shower yet, man.

01:00:33.000 The snake was in there.

01:00:34.000 So I'll get my shit right out.

01:00:36.000 He goes, why don't you leave the shower?

01:00:37.000 I'm from Dallas.

01:00:37.000 I was washing some soap out, man.

01:00:39.000 Fuck, get a grip, man.

01:00:40.000 Leave me alone.

01:00:41.000 So I go in there, fucking snake.

01:00:44.000 Oh my God, I can't find the fucking snake.

01:00:46.000 You're not in here.

01:00:48.000 Oh my god.

01:00:49.000 Which kind of snake was this?

01:00:50.000 A cobra?

01:00:51.000 A cobra, yeah.

01:00:51.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:00:53.000 They had three cats.

01:00:56.000 Oh, no.

01:00:58.000 Yeah, that's what I thought, too.

01:00:59.000 Oh, no.

01:01:00.000 So I started looking for it.

01:01:03.000 Then I had to fess up to Dallas when I was going like, dude, dude, dude, dude.

01:01:07.000 You gotta find that motherfucker.

01:01:08.000 My wife will be home in 20 minutes.

01:01:10.000 I'm like, what?

01:01:11.000 Holy shit.

01:01:12.000 You know, I'll fight any man, but fucking woman, hell no.

01:01:15.000 They will fuck you up.

01:01:16.000 I run from women.

01:01:18.000 They fuck you up, man.

01:01:19.000 They wait till you're asleep and shit.

01:01:21.000 Fucking come fuck you up again.

01:01:23.000 Because we have dicks.

01:01:24.000 We think, you know, they love me because of my dick or whatever.

01:01:26.000 And you give them an in because they're going, I want to hear you so much.

01:01:29.000 And then you fall asleep.

01:01:30.000 Axe murder, axe murder, here we go.

01:01:32.000 Whoa.

01:01:33.000 I've been married three times.

01:01:34.000 Your experience is very different than mine.

01:01:35.000 Well, I've had three successful marriages.

01:01:39.000 Nobody died.

01:01:41.000 I did 13 years with my first wife, 13 years with my second wife, four months with my third.

01:01:47.000 So I'm getting better.

01:01:48.000 I'm a lot better.

01:01:49.000 But it sounds like you're talking about prison.

01:01:51.000 I did 13 years.

01:01:52.000 Whenever someone says about marriage, I did 13 years.

01:01:55.000 That's like Sam Kennison in 86. That goes back to my experience.

01:01:59.000 Right.

01:02:00.000 You know, my experience is, unfortunately, because what I've been through, I let a woman get this close to me.

01:02:06.000 We're about to get started getting real, which is what I really want.

01:02:10.000 But then I gotta push you back.

01:02:12.000 Right.

01:02:12.000 Can't handle it.

01:02:13.000 I can't handle it.

01:02:14.000 I want to get back to this, but I want to find out what happened to the cats.

01:02:17.000 Okay, well, long story short, I couldn't find them, the snake.

01:02:22.000 For how long?

01:02:24.000 As long as I was there.

01:02:26.000 How much?

01:02:27.000 Well, right before she got home, I thought I would do the man thing and get in my car and run.

01:02:35.000 That's what I did.

01:02:36.000 That is what you did?

01:02:37.000 Yeah.

01:02:40.000 Brother, I had a slick 84 Corvette that I knew would not look good with high heels going up and down it.

01:02:47.000 Right.

01:02:48.000 Because that bitch, that wonderful lady, she was a wonderful, wonderful woman.

01:02:52.000 She was going to fuck you up.

01:02:54.000 She's going to fuck everybody up.

01:02:55.000 Right.

01:02:56.000 And if I'm not sleeping with you, you're not going to talk shit like that to me.

01:02:59.000 Right.

01:03:00.000 That's true.

01:03:00.000 I'll listen to it if I'm sleeping with you.

01:03:02.000 But that was it.

01:03:03.000 I had to leave.

01:03:04.000 I came back two days later, in my defense, two days later.

01:03:08.000 Okay.

01:03:09.000 And when I got there, I see all these workmen carrying sheets of sheetrock.

01:03:17.000 I'm like, what the fuck?

01:03:20.000 And then Dallas had told me they were going to do some remodeling downstairs.

01:03:23.000 And I'm like, oh, they're working on my fucking room, right?

01:03:26.000 That's so cool, man.

01:03:27.000 He's like, dude, you've got 15 minutes to package it and go.

01:03:32.000 What?

01:03:33.000 You've got to get out.

01:03:36.000 One little snake and I've got to go.

01:03:38.000 That's really bullshit, Dallas.

01:03:41.000 And yeah, they couldn't find the snake either, so they wound up calling some people, professionals.

01:03:47.000 And the only way they found it was by tearing out several walls.

01:03:51.000 And they finally found it in one of the walls.

01:03:54.000 What did it do, climb in a vent?

01:03:55.000 It got in the vent, wherever, I don't know, and got into the wall.

01:03:58.000 What the fuck?

01:03:59.000 And they had to follow it through the house.

01:04:01.000 How did they find it?

01:04:03.000 By running out of walls.

01:04:05.000 Jesus Christ.

01:04:06.000 Yeah, so they were quite upset.

01:04:07.000 I believe so.

01:04:08.000 I had my kitchen worked on once, and after they sealed the drywall in the back, I heard, meow, meow.

01:04:17.000 Snake is inside.

01:04:18.000 No, my fucking cat.

01:04:20.000 So, my cat Spaz.

01:04:22.000 I was like, Spaz!

01:04:23.000 She's like, meow.

01:04:24.000 That's where it got the name.

01:04:25.000 I'm like, oh, shit.

01:04:25.000 I'm like, she's in the fucking wall, so I had to go get a hammer.

01:04:28.000 And I had to claw open the wall and then pull her out, covered in fucking...

01:04:33.000 That's when they hit the music.

01:04:35.000 That's a sweet cat.

01:04:37.000 Had that cat for 19 years.

01:04:38.000 Wow.

01:04:39.000 Yeah.

01:04:39.000 Let me tell you what happened.

01:04:40.000 Here I am in Australia.

01:04:41.000 This is like 1993 or 4. And there's a Japanese superstar named Thunder Juice and Liker.

01:04:49.000 I mean, just top of the top, brother.

01:04:52.000 So he's on tour with us.

01:04:54.000 No problem.

01:04:55.000 But the first night he's in, we'd already been there two nights, and these people come in, these Japs come in, and they start fucking yakety-yakety in Japanese to this other guy, and they're in English, transferred, and boom, boom.

01:05:08.000 Bottom line is, he will not stay in the same fucking dressing room as Jake.

01:05:12.000 He's terrified of snakes.

01:05:13.000 I said, dude, I'm not going to get it on him.

01:05:16.000 No, it doesn't matter.

01:05:18.000 He doesn't even think he should be here because of Jake.

01:05:23.000 Fuck him.

01:05:24.000 Let him go wherever he wants.

01:05:25.000 I don't give a shit.

01:05:26.000 I told you I wouldn't get it on you.

01:05:28.000 If my word's not good enough, fuck off.

01:05:31.000 So he goes and gets another dressing room on the other side of this coliseum.

01:05:37.000 You know, it's a giant coliseum, man.

01:05:40.000 Long ways across there.

01:05:42.000 He wrestles.

01:05:44.000 Goes into the shower.

01:05:46.000 Comes out from the shower.

01:05:47.000 He's drying off.

01:05:48.000 He looks up in the mirror.

01:05:50.000 And in the mirror, he can see a cobra has come up out of the toilet.

01:05:55.000 And he's looking around the room.

01:05:57.000 And the rest of him is still in the toilet.

01:05:59.000 And then he goes back down.

01:06:02.000 He screams.

01:06:03.000 He runs across the fucking building nude.

01:06:06.000 Which got everybody's attention.

01:06:09.000 The police get involved.

01:06:11.000 He comes down to, Jake, where's your fucking snake?

01:06:14.000 And I'm like, I really can't find it.

01:06:17.000 So he had gotten out of my locker room and went into the toilet and took off and come up in that toilet over there.

01:06:26.000 Jesus Christ.

01:06:26.000 But that fucking guy got on a fucking airplane that night and went the fuck home.

01:06:30.000 Imagine the snake sensed that he was scared of him.

01:06:33.000 Sure he did.

01:06:34.000 And then went and found the place where there was the most fear.

01:06:37.000 You're the one.

01:06:38.000 Yep.

01:06:38.000 Yeah.

01:06:39.000 I wonder if that...

01:06:40.000 I mean, it only makes sense, right?

01:06:41.000 They can sense your fear.

01:06:43.000 They would go after prey animals, right?

01:06:45.000 Prey animals are terrified of them.

01:06:47.000 They probably have a sense of fear.

01:06:49.000 Through the fucking toilet.

01:06:51.000 Can you imagine that?

01:06:52.000 Goes through the toilet?

01:06:53.000 I mean, I still have horror stories and bad memories of sitting on a toilet and a snake just biting me in the balls and the ass and stuff.

01:07:00.000 That happened to you?

01:07:01.000 No.

01:07:01.000 No, but I had those fucking dreams come to me because I had those snakes all those fucking years, man.

01:07:05.000 Well, especially after that, knowing that they can travel that way.

01:07:08.000 Oh, they can.

01:07:09.000 How'd you get the snake back?

01:07:10.000 I didn't.

01:07:11.000 I left him over there in fucking Australia.

01:07:13.000 I couldn't get him back.

01:07:15.000 Sorry.

01:07:19.000 Now he's taking over the country.

01:07:22.000 Jesus Christ, where's that fucking snake?

01:07:24.000 Yeah, it's in Melbourne.

01:07:26.000 Wow.

01:07:26.000 That's where I left him.

01:07:28.000 How long do those things live?

01:07:30.000 Like how long?

01:07:31.000 30 years?

01:07:32.000 30 years.

01:07:32.000 So it's probably still alive.

01:07:33.000 In the toilets of that auditorium.

01:07:37.000 I wonder if he goes done.

01:07:38.000 Looking around and eating ass, man.

01:07:41.000 Can you imagine some poor woman sitting down in the toilet?

01:07:43.000 She's like, ooh, that feels good.

01:07:44.000 Oh, wait a minute.

01:07:45.000 That's not right.

01:07:47.000 Wow.

01:07:48.000 Wow.

01:07:48.000 He'll sneak up the asterisk.

01:07:50.000 Climbed in the fucking toilet and went to the one guy that was terrified of him.

01:07:55.000 Unbelievable.

01:07:57.000 You remember when we did the Andre thing, right?

01:07:59.000 Andre was supposed to be afraid of the snake.

01:08:01.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:08:02.000 And he faints and fakes a heart attack.

01:08:04.000 And he's, you know, laying there.

01:08:06.000 Poor Bobby Heenan.

01:08:07.000 Bobby Heenan is over there pounding on his chest because he's supposed to act like he's had a heart attack.

01:08:12.000 And somebody goes, give him mouth to mouth, Bobby.

01:08:14.000 And Bobby's like, are you fucking kidding me?

01:08:17.000 That fucking giant breath that you had, man, from drinking.

01:08:21.000 Giant breath.

01:08:23.000 I love the giant to death.

01:08:25.000 I mean, when I first got into wrestling, I was a referee in like 1974 or so.

01:08:32.000 And they came to me and they said, look, you're not refereeing tomorrow night, but we want you to drive Andre around.

01:08:39.000 Why?

01:08:39.000 So you were a referee before you were a pro wrestler?

01:08:42.000 Right.

01:08:42.000 Which is actually the best way to start.

01:08:44.000 Because you get a feel of it?

01:08:45.000 You get a feel of it.

01:08:46.000 You learn how to feel people.

01:08:48.000 And you learn how to judge people.

01:08:50.000 You learn how to read people.

01:08:52.000 In the crowd, you can read them.

01:08:55.000 I got the take care of Andre thing.

01:08:57.000 They gave me a van.

01:08:58.000 So Andre will sit in the back.

01:09:00.000 Got him a beanbag chair.

01:09:02.000 Just take him to the building.

01:09:04.000 He'll do his thing.

01:09:05.000 Give him a ride back to the hotel.

01:09:06.000 Cool.

01:09:06.000 70 miles.

01:09:07.000 No problem.

01:09:07.000 80 miles.

01:09:08.000 Whatever.

01:09:10.000 So we get through the show, and he's like, beer!

01:09:13.000 Okay!

01:09:14.000 He talks, he walks, you know.

01:09:16.000 So I stop and get him beer.

01:09:18.000 I'm like, I'm gonna get a six pack of my damn self there, Andre.

01:09:20.000 And he goes, two cases.

01:09:23.000 It's an 85 mile trip.

01:09:26.000 Um, yeah, two cases.

01:09:28.000 I'm like, fuck.

01:09:29.000 Two cases?

01:09:30.000 I guess he wants some for his room, right?

01:09:32.000 So we get back in the van.

01:09:33.000 We start driving.

01:09:34.000 I don't know about you guys, man.

01:09:36.000 Back, even when I drank...

01:09:39.000 Until I get into that first third or fourth hour, I got to piss.

01:09:43.000 Like, every time I have a beer, I got to piss.

01:09:44.000 I don't really buy beer.

01:09:46.000 I just rent it.

01:09:47.000 You know?

01:09:47.000 I rent it, then I go get rid of it.

01:09:49.000 But, so after, you know, 30 miles, I pull, hey, Andre, sorry, I got to piss.

01:09:53.000 You know, I get out of the piss.

01:09:54.000 Get back in the van.

01:09:55.000 You don't, no, nothing.

01:09:57.000 Okay, take it easy.

01:09:59.000 I hear the tops keep pop, pop, pop.

01:10:01.000 I'm like, he's fucking with me.

01:10:03.000 He's fucking with me.

01:10:05.000 We get a little closer, I got to piss again.

01:10:08.000 Finally get there.

01:10:10.000 Gets out and says, I'll get you a beer.

01:10:11.000 He goes, finished.

01:10:13.000 What?

01:10:14.000 He drank 48 beers.

01:10:17.000 Yeah, right.

01:10:19.000 You know, fuck off.

01:10:20.000 Fuck off, you big goof, you know.

01:10:21.000 He leaves.

01:10:23.000 I get in there, first thing I do, I'm checking with my hand, make sure I'm not putting my hand in piss.

01:10:27.000 Because I figure this motherfucker never got out to piss.

01:10:30.000 He drank two cases of beer and did not have to piss.

01:10:34.000 I don't care if you out drink me.

01:10:35.000 But damn it.

01:10:37.000 How can you do that?

01:10:40.000 I mean, I felt so inadequate.

01:10:43.000 This guy drank 48 beers and didn't piss.

01:10:46.000 48 beers and 80 miles?

01:10:48.000 Yeah.

01:10:48.000 That's insane.

01:10:49.000 Well, that was nothing.

01:10:50.000 Probably his hand would cover that beer up.

01:10:52.000 That's how big his hands were.

01:10:54.000 Just an amazing athlete and an amazing man.

01:10:57.000 And to be in the ring with him was...

01:11:01.000 He was unbelievable.

01:11:02.000 When Hulk Hogan hoisted him up in the air, look at that photo of him with a regular sized can of beer.

01:11:09.000 That is insane.

01:11:11.000 Doesn't even look real.

01:11:12.000 That doesn't look real.

01:11:14.000 It's a 12 ounce.

01:11:15.000 Yeah.

01:11:15.000 Yeah, that's a 12-ounce beer, and it just vanishes inside his head.

01:11:19.000 See if you can find that video of when Hulk Hogan picks him up over his head.

01:11:22.000 Slams him, yeah.

01:11:23.000 That was fucking insane.

01:11:25.000 How much did he weigh?

01:11:26.000 550. 550 pounds.

01:11:28.000 Now, 550 pounds just hoisting over your head with a bar, with an Olympic bar, is impressive.

01:11:34.000 But to do it with dead weight with a man?

01:11:36.000 Well, the thing about it is...

01:11:39.000 It wouldn't happen unless Andre wanted you to.

01:11:41.000 Right.

01:11:42.000 Of course.

01:11:42.000 Because he's going to boost himself.

01:11:44.000 Of course.

01:11:44.000 I mean, I remember him being in the ring one night and he says, slam me!

01:11:47.000 I'm like, yeah, you're fucking kidding me.

01:11:49.000 But this is insane.

01:11:50.000 Like, look at this.

01:11:51.000 This is insane.

01:11:52.000 But if you look where Andre's hands are, you'll see that he helps him pull him.

01:11:56.000 Stale.

01:11:57.000 He had me pick him up and slam him one night.

01:11:59.000 And he's like, slam me.

01:12:00.000 I'm like, no fucking way.

01:12:02.000 I thought he was kidding.

01:12:02.000 He's like, no, yes, sir.

01:12:03.000 And I went under, and all of a sudden, he's here.

01:12:06.000 And I'm like, holy fuck, I've got him.

01:12:08.000 Still insane.

01:12:09.000 He would use that athletic energy for that.

01:12:12.000 Yeah, then my legs just started to fucking buckle.

01:12:14.000 Yeah, you gotta drop him fast.

01:12:17.000 Hogan's 300 pounds there.

01:12:18.000 At least, right?

01:12:20.000 Look how big the giant is.

01:12:21.000 And jacked.

01:12:21.000 But Hogan was fucking jacked.

01:12:24.000 Oh, yeah.

01:12:24.000 You know, I met him later in life, but I met him earlier, too.

01:12:27.000 I ran into him on the street once, and I couldn't believe how fucking big he was.

01:12:31.000 And the second time I saw him, he was shorter.

01:12:33.000 Because he had so many back surgeries that his discs had been fused.

01:12:38.000 And he's still a giant human being, but he wasn't as big.

01:12:41.000 He's not 6'8 no more.

01:12:42.000 Yeah.

01:12:43.000 He's about 6'4".

01:12:44.000 Isn't that crazy?

01:12:44.000 Piper told me when I was friends with Piper, he told me that when Hogan did that slam on Andre, just like he could feel it just going all the way up.

01:12:52.000 Is that true?

01:12:53.000 I can only imagine.

01:12:54.000 I clotheslined Andre one night, and I came in to him hard because Andre wanted you to hit him hard.

01:13:00.000 Right.

01:13:00.000 Which I used to say, that's the most frustrating thing in the world right there.

01:13:03.000 Watch that.

01:13:04.000 You're trying to kill a motherfucker, and he don't even know it.

01:13:08.000 Yeah.

01:13:08.000 So here I am hitting him as hard as I could, and he didn't know that.

01:13:12.000 So when he'd reach out and just...

01:13:14.000 I mean, he used to hit me, and I'd be falling, right?

01:13:19.000 That's a lot of energy, me falling.

01:13:21.000 He'd reach out and grab me by my hair and just...

01:13:23.000 Pull me right to my fucking feet and just rip the fucking...

01:13:26.000 See, look here.

01:13:27.000 Oh, here you two are.

01:13:28.000 Look at that.

01:13:29.000 Look at that.

01:13:30.000 That weighed 260 there.

01:13:32.000 Wow.

01:13:33.000 God, that's so crazy.

01:13:34.000 That's you.

01:13:35.000 Yeah.

01:13:36.000 That is so crazy.

01:13:37.000 Look how fucking big he was.

01:13:40.000 He was so big.

01:13:41.000 He did a horrible thing to me one night in the ring, and he knocked me down, and I'm on my back, and he stands on my hair, and then reached down and grabbed my arms and pulled, and just ripped my fucking hair out.

01:13:53.000 Wow.

01:13:55.000 Did you guys plan shit out like that, or did he just improvise that in the moment?

01:13:59.000 We went out there and played.

01:14:01.000 He liked me, and I liked him.

01:14:04.000 Andre will test you.

01:14:06.000 And if you don't man up to him, he'll fucking eat you.

01:14:08.000 Did you get to see the documentary that they made on him on HBO? Are you talking about Savage?

01:14:13.000 No, Andre.

01:14:14.000 Yeah, no, no.

01:14:15.000 No, I didn't see it.

01:14:16.000 It's really great.

01:14:17.000 You'd really love it.

01:14:18.000 I don't want to.

01:14:19.000 His has hurt too much.

01:14:20.000 Yeah.

01:14:22.000 It made me cry, so...

01:14:24.000 Yeah, it makes me cry to know what that man went through.

01:14:27.000 What did he go through?

01:14:28.000 Just people pointing and laughing.

01:14:30.000 Right.

01:14:30.000 And pain.

01:14:31.000 His pain was unbelievable.

01:14:33.000 Yeah.

01:14:34.000 Because of wrestling.

01:14:35.000 No, because...

01:14:35.000 Because of the growth.

01:14:36.000 Growth.

01:14:37.000 Yeah.

01:14:37.000 Continued to grow.

01:14:38.000 Continued to grow.

01:14:39.000 Continued to grow.

01:14:40.000 You know, let's think about what a day is.

01:14:43.000 Well, a bed don't fit too well.

01:14:45.000 Right.

01:14:46.000 Let's talk about hotels and bathrooms.

01:14:48.000 Oh, no.

01:14:49.000 Where's he on the show?

01:14:50.000 Right.

01:14:51.000 Where does he shit?

01:14:52.000 In the bathtub.

01:14:53.000 No.

01:14:54.000 Yeah.

01:14:55.000 That's the only place he could shit.

01:14:57.000 Yeah.

01:14:58.000 There's no toilet gonna take his ass.

01:14:59.000 Then he's gotta squish it in there.

01:15:00.000 He just gotta...

01:15:01.000 No, he just fuckin' turn the shower on, man, and let it dissolve it.

01:15:06.000 How would you like to do hot yoga in that bathroom with that shower spraying down?

01:15:12.000 God damn, he took a shit in the bathtub.

01:15:15.000 Airplanes, cars.

01:15:18.000 His home was a giant house.

01:15:19.000 So did he have his house set up?

01:15:22.000 It's another thing where Piper told me a great story about how everybody would always...

01:15:28.000 He would just get...

01:15:29.000 Yeah.

01:15:53.000 Andre looks around.

01:15:54.000 They're hanging out.

01:15:55.000 A couple minutes later, another empty beer can hits Andre.

01:15:58.000 He growls a little bit harder.

01:16:00.000 And then a third beer can comes and Andre stands up.

01:16:05.000 It hits him in his head.

01:16:06.000 Andre stands up.

01:16:07.000 It takes him a while to get out of the booth or wherever they're at.

01:16:10.000 And these guys get up and they start running.

01:16:13.000 And they chase...

01:16:14.000 Andre chases them, but when he gets out of the bar, they are in their car about to pull away, and Andre literally goes under the car that's out front of the bar and flips it over.

01:16:23.000 There's a cop a half a block away who pulls up.

01:16:26.000 What?

01:16:27.000 What?

01:16:28.000 And arrest them for fucking with Andre the Giant after he flips their car with them in it.

01:16:36.000 Those guys mess with me.

01:16:38.000 I remember we were wrestling in Montreal.

01:16:41.000 It was his birthday.

01:16:42.000 Wow, look at that picture.

01:16:44.000 He could do a backflip standing on the top rope and do a flip and land on his feet when he first started.

01:16:51.000 But I'm wrestling him and we had this little thing we'd do where he'd get me in the corner and he'd just throw that weight into me, you know, which is pretty easy to register.

01:17:00.000 And then I would slide down.

01:17:02.000 And then he would grab each side of the rope and do the ass drop.

01:17:06.000 Of course, he's got these ropes.

01:17:08.000 Well, that night he went to do it and his hand slipped.

01:17:11.000 So all of a sudden his ass lands right here.

01:17:14.000 And just, you know, I heard fucking vertebrates and I'm like, can I breathe?

01:17:19.000 I just want to know if I can breathe because I couldn't at the moment.

01:17:21.000 It's like, screaming and I turned over on my side thinking, oh my God.

01:17:28.000 How bad is it?

01:17:29.000 Because I figured my sternum was broke, whatever.

01:17:32.000 And he sits on me.

01:17:33.000 And I'm laying there, oh my God, oh my God, trying to catch my breath.

01:17:37.000 Trying to let everything come back in, because I'd seen the lights coming at first, so I was going to pass out.

01:17:41.000 And then I hear Andre laughing.

01:17:47.000 I hear the referee say, Andre, why are you laughing?

01:17:51.000 He goes, I'm farting!

01:17:53.000 And I'm like, what?

01:17:54.000 And I can feel my fucking shoulder just vibrate.

01:17:58.000 And he's farting.

01:17:59.000 You know how long a giant can fart?

01:18:01.000 How long?

01:18:02.000 About 40 seconds.

01:18:04.000 He's like...

01:18:07.000 But it was a steady flow.

01:18:09.000 It wasn't, you know, 48 years worth of farts.

01:18:13.000 Man, he got up, I had like a wine stain on my shoulder.

01:18:16.000 It was a birthmark.

01:18:18.000 Look at that.

01:18:19.000 Yeah.

01:18:20.000 Amazing, amazing guy, man.

01:18:22.000 But I used to think to myself, the fans really don't like me.

01:18:26.000 Because they're putting me out there and the fans are cheering me on to charge into that fucking big giant.

01:18:31.000 You want me to get killed, don't you?

01:18:33.000 Yeah.

01:18:34.000 You fans are vicious.

01:18:35.000 Why are y'all doing this to me?

01:18:37.000 Don't cheer me.

01:18:38.000 Tell me I'm a stupid fucker and get out of the ring.

01:18:40.000 Before the giant eats you.

01:18:43.000 There's no fun in that.

01:18:44.000 Was that hard to always be a great bad guy or did you sort of relish in that?

01:18:51.000 Being a good guy is so boring.

01:18:53.000 Because people expect you to be nice, they expect you to do this, you can get a picture with the baby.

01:18:59.000 But as a bad guy, you can do anything and it's okay.

01:19:06.000 And then you get to see how far you can take people.

01:19:11.000 Some people freak, this kind of bugs people, freaks them out a little bit, thinking about starting a riot.

01:19:17.000 But that's when you know you've done your job right.

01:19:19.000 When you can get people to step out of their comfort zone and come into the ring after you.

01:19:26.000 Now you've done the job.

01:19:27.000 Did you have that happen a little bit?

01:19:29.000 Oh yeah.

01:19:29.000 How many times?

01:19:29.000 Oh probably.

01:19:31.000 30, 40 times.

01:19:32.000 30, 40 times people charged the ring trying to get you.

01:19:35.000 Well, it got bad a couple of times.

01:19:38.000 One time, the worst one being in Dallas, Texas, which is like 60 miles from my hometown.

01:19:43.000 What started it?

01:19:44.000 I was wrestling Sting.

01:19:46.000 And the guy stood up about nine rows back, reached inside of his jacket, pulled out a nine millimeter, and got three shots off before they got him.

01:19:55.000 What?

01:19:55.000 I'd already dived underneath the ring.

01:19:58.000 Sting being the baby face of stupid, yeah.

01:20:00.000 He's in the ring.

01:20:01.000 Woo!

01:20:02.000 You know, fuck you, Sting.

01:20:03.000 I'm not coming back, bitch.

01:20:04.000 You know, this guy got three shells off at me.

01:20:07.000 And I remember going to the back, thinking to myself, You take them that far.

01:20:13.000 You're making people do shit they would not normally do.

01:20:16.000 Did they get the guy?

01:20:18.000 Yeah, they got him.

01:20:18.000 But here's what, they brought him to the back and they're like, Jake, do you want to press charges?

01:20:22.000 I'm like, press charges?

01:20:23.000 No, just reload the motherfucker and put him back out there.

01:20:26.000 What the fuck do you think, press charges?

01:20:27.000 Of course I want to press charges, man.

01:20:30.000 He put three holes in the building of the old fucking sportatorium there in Dallas, man.

01:20:34.000 Was he shooting at you or was he just shooting at the ceiling?

01:20:36.000 At me, at me, yeah.

01:20:37.000 Really?

01:20:37.000 He hated my ass.

01:20:38.000 I had a woman, 75 years old.

01:20:42.000 Cut me with a box cutter.

01:20:44.000 What?

01:20:44.000 Yeah.

01:20:45.000 The first time she'd ever been to watch wrestling.

01:20:48.000 What?

01:20:49.000 What did you do to start that?

01:20:51.000 She had been at home with her grandkids and they were watching me wrestle.

01:20:57.000 We're like, oh, Granny, look at so-and-so.

01:20:59.000 Jake Roberts, oh, he's so bad.

01:21:01.000 If somebody needs to wash his damn mouth out, open spank his ass is what that man needs.

01:21:06.000 Somebody should have straightened him out earlier in his life.

01:21:09.000 And they're like, oh, Granny, shut up.

01:21:10.000 You wouldn't have done anything.

01:21:11.000 You'd run from him, too.

01:21:12.000 I would not run from that man.

01:21:14.000 And they basically challenged the grandmother, not knowing it.

01:21:19.000 She's a little off.

01:21:21.000 Next time I come to town, she gets a fucking ticket.

01:21:24.000 She's going to show those grandkids she's not afraid of me.

01:21:27.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:21:28.000 I came down the aisle.

01:21:31.000 I got security around me.

01:21:33.000 And all of a sudden, my security's gone.

01:21:35.000 I'm like, this is fucking great.

01:21:36.000 And I turn to see what they're doing.

01:21:39.000 There's this old woman that's down.

01:21:41.000 And they're all over.

01:21:42.000 And I'm thinking, what, she had a fucking heart attack, man?

01:21:45.000 What's going on?

01:21:46.000 Hey, guys, what's going on?

01:21:47.000 Jake, she fucking cut you, man.

01:21:49.000 I'm like, oh, you're full of shit.

01:21:51.000 Look at your arm.

01:21:52.000 Holy shit.

01:21:53.000 I fucking kicked that bitch right in the face, man.

01:21:57.000 I went down and tried to cross face her.

01:22:00.000 How bad did she cut you?

01:22:01.000 About 30 stitches.

01:22:03.000 Jesus Christ.

01:22:04.000 Box cutter.

01:22:05.000 You just didn't realize it.

01:22:06.000 You don't feel it, the box cutter.

01:22:07.000 You're so sharp.

01:22:09.000 So I get to the back with her and I hear the story.

01:22:13.000 You know, what actually happened.

01:22:16.000 And I just looked at her and I think, can I hug you?

01:22:20.000 You want to hug me?

01:22:21.000 I'm like, yeah I do.

01:22:23.000 Yeah I do, come here.

01:22:29.000 Jesus Christ.

01:22:30.000 Is that wife number two or three?

01:22:32.000 I would have taken her.

01:22:35.000 That's why it only lasted four months.

01:22:37.000 She died.

01:22:38.000 She died, yeah.

01:22:39.000 She ran out of blades.

01:22:40.000 Yeah, there you go.

01:22:41.000 There you go.

01:22:42.000 What the fuck, man?

01:22:43.000 Wow.

01:22:44.000 You're a better man than me.

01:22:45.000 Well, you did kick her, though.

01:22:46.000 I did kick.

01:22:47.000 It was a good, solid kick.

01:22:48.000 Yeah.

01:22:48.000 I got a nice fucking false teeth jiggle.

01:22:52.000 Jesus Christ.

01:22:53.000 You guys, do you still have all your teeth?

01:22:54.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:22:55.000 How many root canals?

01:22:57.000 One.

01:22:58.000 Really?

01:22:58.000 Yeah.

01:22:58.000 How long did you fight?

01:23:00.000 Not that long.

01:23:01.000 I wore a mouthpiece.

01:23:02.000 15 minutes?

01:23:02.000 20 minutes?

01:23:03.000 No.

01:23:03.000 I move a lot.

01:23:07.000 There's a big difference between the amount of punishment that you would take pro wrestling and the amount of punishment you take sparring or fighting.

01:23:13.000 I had like 16, 17 root canals.

01:23:16.000 Jesus Christ, man.

01:23:18.000 You know, the shots.

01:23:19.000 As you get older, The teeth deteriorate.

01:23:23.000 And those root canals, that tooth just winds up turning into dust basically.

01:23:29.000 And they start breaking off in pieces and stuff.

01:23:32.000 And this probably didn't help in my spiral down either, man.

01:23:37.000 I couldn't go eat, you know?

01:23:40.000 I had to check and see what I was going to eat and make sure I just put new polygrip in and you start eating a steak with polygrip and boom, it breaks loose and next thing you know your fucking mouth's bleeding because it broke loose and you're having to go to the bathroom.

01:23:54.000 It makes a date so nice.

01:23:56.000 You know, there's nothing that says love by chewing on your girlfriend's box and your teeth fall out on her belly button, you know?

01:24:02.000 It just turns them on, you know?

01:24:04.000 No, petite is not meant to be hit.

01:24:06.000 It sucks, man, you know?

01:24:08.000 Yeah.

01:24:08.000 You never wore a mouthpiece though, right?

01:24:10.000 No, you can't do it in wrestling.

01:24:11.000 You just swallowed it.

01:24:12.000 Yeah, that's the difference.

01:24:14.000 But, you know, I got real fortunate that some people out of Dallas, and they got one in Vegas also, G4, it's called, they said, look, dude, We see you're having problems.

01:24:30.000 We see you doing your talking.

01:24:31.000 And I'd talk like this.

01:24:33.000 Because I didn't want...

01:24:34.000 Right.

01:24:35.000 Because my teeth were constantly coming loose.

01:24:38.000 And it didn't matter how many times I got new ones.

01:24:40.000 They still sucked.

01:24:42.000 So these people at G4, man, they finally came through and said, look, we're going to fix you.

01:24:47.000 I'm like, yeah, right.

01:24:49.000 So they told me implants.

01:24:50.000 Well, I didn't know a whole lot about that shit.

01:24:52.000 You know, and they come back to me and they said, I went to Dallas and Dr. Golpa, who was his name, and put 11 implants in.

01:25:07.000 It was pretty bad, man.

01:25:09.000 I had a bad day.

01:25:10.000 It's hard to medicate me and put me out because I raised those levels too high.

01:25:16.000 So during while I was out and they were pulling teeth, getting ready to put the things in to screw into, evidently during all that process I just stood up and started pissing on the doctor and pissing on everybody in the room and chasing them and a complete fucking idiot.

01:25:33.000 Was this why you were sober?

01:25:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:25:35.000 I sobered up, but see, they had to give me so much shit to put me out that I keep moving this bullshit going, hey, fuck you, doc, and I'm fucking getting my dick.

01:25:43.000 But this is, I'm saying, this is like during your sobriety period.

01:25:46.000 Yes, yes, yes.

01:25:47.000 So this is recently?

01:25:49.000 A year and a half ago, yeah.

01:25:50.000 Jesus Christ.

01:25:51.000 They did this for my teeth, man.

01:25:54.000 Can you imagine being locked in a small room with Jake the Snake?

01:25:57.000 He pulls his dick out and starts pissing on you.

01:25:59.000 You think you got him medicated?

01:26:00.000 He's got bars in his teeth.

01:26:02.000 You try to give him some fake teeth?

01:26:03.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:26:06.000 What was even nicer was the next day they didn't even hold it against me.

01:26:09.000 Aw, that's sweet.

01:26:09.000 I know.

01:26:10.000 I woke up the next morning.

01:26:11.000 I don't remember them taking me to the hotel and putting me in bed or any of that.

01:26:15.000 Man, I didn't know what the Vaseline on my ass was for.

01:26:17.000 But anyway, I'm just kidding.

01:26:19.000 But I woke up the next morning.

01:26:20.000 I'm like, whose fucking clothes are these?

01:26:23.000 Because they basically undressed me there and got the piss all off of me and put new clothes on me.

01:26:29.000 I'm like, what the fuck's going on?

01:26:31.000 Did they have to buy clothes for you?

01:26:33.000 Or was there a giant person in the room?

01:26:35.000 Yeah, they're at the place and they dressed me and I came back the next morning.

01:26:41.000 I haven't been there for five hours the day before.

01:26:45.000 And they sat me down and said, this won't take but about 15 minutes.

01:26:47.000 I'm like, yeah, all right.

01:26:49.000 And they come in there, here's your new teeth, put them up and screwed them in, man.

01:26:54.000 I could bite a bumper on a car.

01:26:56.000 No shit.

01:26:57.000 No, it's amazing what they can do now, right?

01:26:59.000 This is so strong.

01:26:59.000 It's so unbelievable.

01:27:01.000 If anybody out there is having an issue with their teeth, man, get them fixed.

01:27:04.000 But get them fixed the right way.

01:27:06.000 Don't fuck around with getting partial plates and all that bullshit.

01:27:11.000 Go ahead and bite the bullet.

01:27:12.000 It's expensive.

01:27:13.000 No doubt it's expensive.

01:27:16.000 But it changed my whole life, man.

01:27:18.000 That and the guy that did my hair.

01:27:20.000 You know what I mean?

01:27:21.000 I wanted hair.

01:27:23.000 You know, because Jake the Snake has hair.

01:27:25.000 Well, Jake the Snake at the end of the line didn't have no fucking hair.

01:27:28.000 It was all gone.

01:27:30.000 And some people in Atlanta, where I was living, Paramount Plastic Surgery and stuff, they said, look, we'll get We're Jake the Snake, man.

01:27:45.000 We love you.

01:27:47.000 That's like 30, 40 grand, man.

01:27:48.000 I know you love me, but you're going to do that?

01:27:51.000 Really?

01:27:52.000 Yeah, that's one of the things.

01:27:55.000 We'll come up with money for my shoulder.

01:27:57.000 Oh my god, I cry so hard at that part of that movie.

01:28:00.000 When you guys are expecting, like, oh, I'm hoping that we raised a little something.

01:28:05.000 $7,000 a night.

01:28:06.000 No, it was just $17,000 in a 24-hour span, which more than paid for my...

01:28:12.000 I almost had enough to get a tit job.

01:28:14.000 Which I was going to have them put on my back.

01:28:17.000 That way you'd have something to play with too.

01:28:18.000 What did you have to get down to your shoulder?

01:28:20.000 Was it labrum tear?

01:28:21.000 No, it was bone spurs.

01:28:23.000 I had three bone spurs and one of the spurs was over two inches long.

01:28:30.000 And here's the great news.

01:28:32.000 I think I've got it back.

01:28:34.000 You got a spur back?

01:28:35.000 I can move my arm and I can feel that fucking thing in there go across the muscle.

01:28:38.000 Oh, God.

01:28:39.000 It's like, are you fucking kidding me?

01:28:41.000 You sure?

01:28:41.000 Yeah.

01:28:42.000 Did you get an MRI? Not yet, but I felt it before.

01:28:45.000 It might just be the biceps tendon torn off.

01:28:47.000 I hope so.

01:28:48.000 But what I'm getting at here is like the number of people that reached out to me and did shit for me that didn't have to.

01:28:57.000 People I didn't even know.

01:28:59.000 It just blows me away.

01:29:01.000 Well, just think about how many people you touched over your entire career, and how many people ran away from home when the macho man got bit.

01:29:09.000 And it's crazy, because back then, everybody's like, this is the scariest guy, we hate this guy, boo this guy, and then it's like, years later they realize, whoa, that guy moved me.

01:29:22.000 It's like originally everybody was afraid of you or hated you, but it's all in retrospect when they realize, holy shit, this guy, I can help this guy.

01:29:32.000 He earned it from me.

01:29:33.000 He deserves it.

01:29:34.000 This guy changed my life.

01:29:36.000 The scene in the movie when it's unexpected and the guys are in the ring and they play the music and you start walking out with a bag and a snake in it.

01:29:46.000 That's pretty incredible.

01:29:48.000 After all the shit that you had been through, with your sobriety...

01:29:52.000 Hand off all the shit that I'd stirred up while I was a drunk.

01:29:54.000 Yeah.

01:29:55.000 You know, because, I mean, it amazes me how many people have forgiven me.

01:30:01.000 For the things that I said or did when I was under the influence, man.

01:30:05.000 Because let me tell you something.

01:30:06.000 There is nothing more vile than a drunk, addicted, hating motherfucker.

01:30:11.000 You know, like I was.

01:30:13.000 And I did not mind going after Vince or anybody else.

01:30:18.000 I hated life, so I wanted to hate you too.

01:30:21.000 I don't give a fuck if you hate me.

01:30:24.000 Guess what?

01:30:24.000 I hate me more than you can hate me.

01:30:26.000 What a loser you are.

01:30:27.000 You can't even hate me much.

01:30:30.000 That's what amazed me, people helping me.

01:30:35.000 All those years that I used to cringe when somebody would say, hey, would you hold my baby?

01:30:39.000 I'm like, you don't want me to hold your baby.

01:30:42.000 You don't know what the fuck I am.

01:30:48.000 Don't make me do that.

01:30:50.000 Because it would hurt me inside to pull that kid in and smile and lie.

01:30:58.000 I'm not a good liar when it comes to shit like that.

01:31:04.000 It's like Vince wanted me to do a commercial one time, a Just Say No campaign.

01:31:09.000 Dude, you're going to have me fucking do this?

01:31:12.000 Ha ha ha!

01:31:14.000 You know, to me it's not funny, Vince.

01:31:16.000 Right.

01:31:17.000 It's not.

01:31:18.000 Right.

01:31:18.000 Because I know what it's like not to be able to say no.

01:31:22.000 There's no worse feeling in the world, man.

01:31:25.000 Here you got something on this hand that's going to kill you.

01:31:30.000 Or you got life over here in this green pastures and all this happy, happy, happy, and you're going to have a good relationship with a woman if you just fucking...

01:31:37.000 I'm going to take the poisonous tree.

01:31:39.000 You know what's ironic is that your movie, your film, your story, and who you are right now is one of the best Just Say No commercials I could ever do.

01:31:48.000 Maybe.

01:31:49.000 Maybe.

01:31:50.000 For real.

01:31:51.000 Because you can't Just Say No.

01:31:52.000 No, no.

01:31:53.000 It's the most ridiculous bullshit ever said.

01:31:56.000 Yeah, when you show that in the film...

01:31:59.000 That you want to say no.

01:32:00.000 I mean, this is one of the more powerful things about that film, is not just that you succeeded, but that you tried and failed several times until you succeeded, and you detailed all of it, all the warts and all, every single step of the way.

01:32:13.000 Yeah, we didn't...

01:32:14.000 It's a very brave movie, man.

01:32:16.000 It really is.

01:32:17.000 We didn't cut shit out.

01:32:18.000 No.

01:32:18.000 No, you didn't.

01:32:19.000 That was tough, but now I'm getting...

01:32:24.000 To do the right thing.

01:32:27.000 And for me, I'm doing this comedy thing now.

01:32:30.000 It's not really comedy.

01:32:30.000 I just go out and tell road stories and shit.

01:32:32.000 Like Roddy used to do, right?

01:32:34.000 Yeah, with Macho.

01:32:36.000 I do the same stuff in buildings.

01:32:38.000 But I've wrestled for 36 years.

01:32:41.000 So I've got about 10 shows to do.

01:32:44.000 And I'm still on the first one.

01:32:46.000 Wow.

01:32:47.000 Going all around with it.

01:32:48.000 And I've been doing it for two and a half years now.

01:32:50.000 But now I'm enjoying it so much.

01:32:55.000 Not because I'm making people laugh.

01:32:58.000 Because I'm getting to connect with people that are needing help.

01:33:02.000 People come to the show, I tell them, hey, give me the icky, man.

01:33:06.000 Afterwards, we'll go find a place and talk.

01:33:08.000 And some of the stories I have, man, make my story...

01:33:13.000 Sound like a fucking walk in the park, man.

01:33:16.000 I mean, some of the horror stories I've heard, what people are going through, and suffering through, and their story, their pain, and their anger.

01:33:25.000 You know, my shit looks weak compared to what these people...

01:33:29.000 And I'm getting to hear this, and I'm getting to help them find the way.

01:33:33.000 And then I get to hear the stories of the success stories.

01:33:36.000 Hey, man, I didn't start getting clean until I heard about you starting to get clean.

01:33:39.000 And I started to try.

01:33:40.000 And hey, guess what, Jake?

01:33:42.000 I got two years in now.

01:33:43.000 Or I got four years in now.

01:33:44.000 Those are great.

01:33:46.000 But the best is the letter from the six-year-old.

01:33:49.000 It says, you helped my daddy.

01:33:51.000 My daddy loves you.

01:33:53.000 And I love you too because my daddy lives with me now.

01:33:56.000 Wow.

01:33:57.000 Oh, fuck me, man.

01:33:59.000 Wow.

01:33:59.000 You know?

01:34:00.000 Wow.

01:34:01.000 You can't buy that shit.

01:34:02.000 You can't buy that.

01:34:03.000 So I get what Dallas does, you know?

01:34:05.000 When he helps people, he gets an eye off of it.

01:34:08.000 And God bless him, he should get an eye off of it.

01:34:11.000 Because he spends a lot of time doing it, bro.

01:34:13.000 A lot of time.

01:34:15.000 And that's the one thing I always thought about Dallas when...

01:34:18.000 He may not be the smartest guy in the room, but he's smart enough to know that, and he'll go find that right answer.

01:34:25.000 You know, whenever he was dealing with me and Scott, he didn't know how to be an addict or what that was about, so what'd he do?

01:34:31.000 He contacted all of his buddies or his ex-buddies that had been through it, and he went, and he read, and he read, and he read.

01:34:39.000 He's self-taught, man.

01:34:40.000 He used to have a problem reading, but he's got it down now.

01:34:44.000 So, here's a guy that over-prepares for everything.

01:34:47.000 Yeah.

01:34:47.000 As far as I'm concerned, but...

01:34:49.000 Well, that's also why he started DDP Yoga, right?

01:34:51.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:34:51.000 He wanted to figure out a way to heal his body.

01:34:53.000 To yourself!

01:34:54.000 Yeah.

01:34:54.000 Now he's sharing it.

01:34:55.000 Yeah, not just sharing it, but promoting it worldwide.

01:34:58.000 Have you ever done it?

01:35:00.000 No, I haven't.

01:35:01.000 Well, I mean, I did do a little bit of it years ago.

01:35:04.000 I found a little bit of it on YouTube.

01:35:06.000 I never got the actual program, but...

01:35:08.000 Do the program.

01:35:09.000 You can make it as easy as you want, or you can make it as difficult.

01:35:12.000 And that's the beauty of it.

01:35:14.000 Because you could get somebody like Nimble Nuts over here with a sprained mangina.

01:35:22.000 His mangina's warped out of shape.

01:35:25.000 He can't help himself.

01:35:27.000 It's like the snake when he tries to find the Japanese guy.

01:35:30.000 I can tell.

01:35:31.000 He just likes playing with round things over there, doesn't he?

01:35:33.000 The knobs.

01:35:34.000 He's stroking the knobs.

01:35:36.000 Unbelievable.

01:35:37.000 One of the cool things about DDP Yoga is, you know, you see all those before and after of the physical transitions of people.

01:35:44.000 But what those pictures don't show is the mental presence that you get.

01:35:49.000 I mean, I was in Chicago doing gigs a few years ago.

01:35:53.000 And this was after I got to see your movie when it first premiered.

01:35:57.000 I actually think it was David Arquette that got me and my...

01:36:00.000 Because we made friends at the Comedy Store years ago.

01:36:02.000 He got me and my buddies in on...

01:36:04.000 You guys had your premiere on Sunset Boulevard at that.

01:36:07.000 I'll take your word for it.

01:36:08.000 Anyway.

01:36:10.000 So I had already seen the movie, but Scott wasn't at that, and I don't believe you were there either.

01:36:16.000 I just made the big ones.

01:36:17.000 Yeah.

01:36:18.000 So I was in Chicago doing a gig, and it's one of those morning radio shows that I didn't want to have to do that Friday morning, 6 a.m.

01:36:27.000 pickup or whatever.

01:36:28.000 I'd just flown in.

01:36:30.000 And I almost, I remember I almost called in sick to that radio show.

01:36:35.000 Because I'm like, I'm doing, you know, I don't want to, I'm just tired.

01:36:38.000 I don't want to do it.

01:36:39.000 Yeah, your private jet was just slow getting there.

01:36:41.000 Yeah, sure.

01:36:42.000 The back of a spirit flight.

01:36:44.000 But I ended up not calling in sick.

01:36:46.000 I'm like, let's just do it.

01:36:47.000 Make coffee in the hotel and get to the fucking car.

01:36:50.000 Because that's what you do.

01:36:51.000 Right, exactly.

01:36:53.000 And as soon as I get there to like man cow in the morning, right?

01:36:57.000 They're like, You'll never believe who else is in the studio with you.

01:37:00.000 You're a wrestling fan, right?

01:37:01.000 I'm like, yeah.

01:37:02.000 They're like, Scott Hall is also going to be here with you.

01:37:05.000 I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

01:37:08.000 And I remember hoping...

01:37:09.000 When you brush your teeth...

01:37:10.000 I remember hoping, because I had just seen that movie, I'm like, oh man, I hope that...

01:37:15.000 I hope he's still in good shape and everything.

01:37:17.000 I hope everything's cool, because I know how hard it is to stay clean as an addict.

01:37:21.000 And, my God, if he wasn't just, and, you know, you as well here today, it's like, just completely present, not, you can't even tell you've probably had 20,000 concussions in your life, you know?

01:37:36.000 I mean, just there, looking around, laughing, smiling.

01:37:41.000 My mind was blown that he was as present, if not more, than a lot of the other...

01:37:48.000 And available...

01:37:49.000 We're good to go.

01:37:55.000 We're good to go.

01:38:07.000 We're good to go.

01:38:10.000 Yeah, when you hurt his hip.

01:38:13.000 It's a wonderful sound, isn't it?

01:38:14.000 Oh, man.

01:38:16.000 I've had two replaced.

01:38:17.000 The first one sucked.

01:38:19.000 The second one, man, they went through the front.

01:38:22.000 That's the way to go.

01:38:24.000 I went in 7 a.m.

01:38:26.000 at noon.

01:38:28.000 I jerked the covers back, told my daughter, hand me my pants or I'm walking out naked.

01:38:33.000 I put my fucking pants on, put my feet down, and walked straight out.

01:38:37.000 No cane, no nothing.

01:38:38.000 Really?

01:38:39.000 In five hours.

01:38:40.000 You can do that?

01:38:41.000 Not supposed to.

01:38:43.000 The doctor was yelling at me as we were leaving the building.

01:38:46.000 What was he saying?

01:38:47.000 You scared me!

01:38:50.000 Because you could trip and blow the whole thing out, right?

01:38:53.000 Yeah, probably.

01:38:54.000 But he was walking on a crosswalk to connect the two buildings and I'd already went out the bottom and I was going to the car and he's like beating on the fucking window.

01:39:00.000 And this is like a full hip replacement where they sever the top of the femur and they put a new joint They screw it.

01:39:06.000 You ever seen how they do it?

01:39:07.000 Oh, it's brutal, bro.

01:39:09.000 Then they drive it in there.

01:39:10.000 Yeah, there's a goddamn huge bolt that goes in the center of your bone.

01:39:14.000 It goes right through the bone and screws in place, and then you have this new joint.

01:39:19.000 Yeah, the first one I had was brutal because the whole joint had calcified.

01:39:24.000 And it took them three and a half hours to get it out.

01:39:28.000 Oh, God.

01:39:29.000 And they said they finally went to bring in the big hammer.

01:39:34.000 They went from the shiny silver hammer to get Claude's fucking sledge out from the truck and bring it on in.

01:39:41.000 Well, you know how cauliflower ear starts, right?

01:39:44.000 Yeah.

01:39:45.000 Do you know what it is?

01:39:46.000 Yeah, the breaking cartilage.

01:39:48.000 The blood.

01:39:49.000 It's blood.

01:39:50.000 Blood calcifies.

01:39:51.000 So blood becomes a rock.

01:39:53.000 It really turns into a rock.

01:39:54.000 You get that in your nose, and he had that in his joint.

01:39:58.000 So he basically had rocks in his joint.

01:40:01.000 Completely calcified.

01:40:02.000 I've wrestled for three or four years like that.

01:40:07.000 I'll show you guys and we can come back and talk about it.

01:40:09.000 What I would do is...

01:40:13.000 No one can hear you, unfortunately, when you do this.

01:40:26.000 So you were putting so much torque in that you were blowing your hip out of socket.

01:40:30.000 So your left hip took the brunt.

01:40:32.000 It wouldn't rotate out of socket, but it would bend the femur bone.

01:40:35.000 Wow.

01:40:36.000 Fuck.

01:40:37.000 I did it for the doctor, and he's like, oh my God, because when I first went and seen the dog, he's like, how'd you get her?

01:40:42.000 And I said, I drove.

01:40:42.000 He goes, no, how'd you get to the room?

01:40:44.000 I'm like, I walked.

01:40:44.000 He's impossible.

01:40:46.000 I've seen your x-rays.

01:40:47.000 There's no way you can walk.

01:40:48.000 I said, the fuck I can't.

01:40:50.000 And I showed him, he's like, oh my god!

01:40:52.000 And he runs out of the room.

01:40:53.000 I'm like, okay, I know I got cancer.

01:40:54.000 I'm dying still.

01:40:55.000 That's the difference between a regular person, though, and a guy like you.

01:40:58.000 Like, your tolerance for pain is probably through the fucking roof.

01:41:01.000 You're probably just so accustomed to it.

01:41:02.000 I don't recognize it.

01:41:04.000 Yeah, well, obviously with your arm broken when you wanted to keep wrestling.

01:41:07.000 You don't recognize pain because it's just something that you do.

01:41:11.000 You know, there were times in my career where people were like, stop!

01:41:15.000 I'm like, it's okay, I'm alright!

01:41:18.000 Well, it's a lie because you weren't alright.

01:41:20.000 It's just the adrenaline's flowing so much and you're so jacked on that shit.

01:41:24.000 You know, that's the real drug.

01:41:27.000 Adrenaline.

01:41:28.000 You alright with that?

01:41:29.000 Jamie will show you how to do it.

01:41:34.000 Put your back in this.

01:41:35.000 I think the tension from this spring trap here will save your life.

01:41:41.000 Now, when you're doing these traveling shows, you're doing them in comedy clubs?

01:41:45.000 What are you doing in?

01:41:46.000 Comedy clubs, bars...

01:41:50.000 Hotel, convention rooms, whatever.

01:41:52.000 That's got to be great for you, too, because at the beginning of the film, one of the things that was evident was that you missed the whole excitement of performing.

01:42:01.000 It was missing from your life.

01:42:04.000 So now you've got that back, but also healthy and positive and then also helping people.

01:42:10.000 Absolutely, man.

01:42:11.000 And that's such a joy to help people, but...

01:42:14.000 You know, when I first went back, man, because I'd abused myself so much, my memory was shocked.

01:42:20.000 I couldn't remember shit.

01:42:22.000 And then as I tell one story, a little glimmer will happen over here.

01:42:27.000 And then I'll talk to somebody in the crowd and they'll mention it.

01:42:31.000 I'm like, I didn't wrestle that guy.

01:42:32.000 The hell you didn't!

01:42:34.000 And I don't remember wrestling this guy.

01:42:36.000 I did this with that one.

01:42:37.000 And they make me remember stuff.

01:42:40.000 Like I said, now I've got like ten shows waiting.

01:42:42.000 And at first I had to really struggle to get one show together.

01:42:46.000 Did you write them all out?

01:42:47.000 I did in the beginning.

01:42:49.000 Now I just write bullet points and I can pull them back up, which is so nice to do, you know, because I was at a point, man, with my speech, I wouldn't finish sentences.

01:43:00.000 I just, you know...

01:43:01.000 No, I saw in the film you did it with Mick Foley.

01:43:03.000 Are you doing him with Mick on the road?

01:43:05.000 No, no, no.

01:43:06.000 I'm doing good ones now.

01:43:08.000 Oh, come on.

01:43:09.000 Mick's great.

01:43:10.000 Okay, you've never seen my show, have you?

01:43:12.000 No, not yet.

01:43:13.000 Okay, then shut up and get in the car.

01:43:14.000 I can't wait.

01:43:15.000 I've seen Mick.

01:43:16.000 I opened up for Mick a few years ago and I was amazed.

01:43:19.000 No, you'll never open for me.

01:43:21.000 And you'll goddamn sure never close for me.

01:43:25.000 How dare you.

01:43:27.000 How dare you, sir?

01:43:30.000 If you were a wrestler, I'd say, maybe I can get you on a TV squash match, kid.

01:43:34.000 What's a squash match?

01:43:35.000 That's when you just go in and pummel a guy for three minutes and squash him, lay him out on the floor.

01:43:39.000 He doesn't even get to breathe, you know?

01:43:40.000 So that was like you'd tell another wrestler, hey, I'll see if I can get you in a squash match.

01:43:45.000 That'd be like saying, you know, you're a piece of shit, and I'm just going to use you and toss you over in the corner when it's done.

01:43:49.000 Was that like a rite of passage?

01:43:51.000 Do you have to do squash matches to get going?

01:43:53.000 No, a lot of guys don't.

01:43:54.000 No.

01:43:56.000 We did back in my day though.

01:43:58.000 They started you at the bottom and you worked your way up.

01:44:00.000 Now you got guys that go to schools for three months and they never learn their art.

01:44:04.000 Well, when you go into school to learn wrestling, this is not something that existed.

01:44:08.000 It didn't exist.

01:44:09.000 Is it kind of like school for stand-up?

01:44:11.000 Exactly, yeah.

01:44:12.000 I think it's exactly like that.

01:44:15.000 There's classes that will teach you stand-up.

01:44:18.000 And the good thing about it is, at least you start doing it.

01:44:23.000 Whether or not they're actually teaching you anything is very debatable.

01:44:26.000 And the things that they are teaching is all in-ring technique and tosses and slams.

01:44:33.000 And the thing that us diehard wrestling fans now miss with the product is exactly what you specialized in, which is psychology, cutting promos.

01:44:47.000 I mean, he once cut a promo, I remember, against Hulk Hogan where you said something like, if you plant grass, grass will grow.

01:44:55.000 If you plant rice, rice will grow.

01:44:57.000 And if you plant fear in your opponent's head.

01:45:02.000 That gets me in trouble sometimes.

01:45:05.000 I'll tell you the best interview I ever did.

01:45:08.000 Because back in the day, we'd have to do 70 or 80 interviews.

01:45:13.000 Back to back.

01:45:15.000 And the TV guys used to fight over getting me.

01:45:19.000 Because they knew it was going to be a fucking cakewalk.

01:45:21.000 Some guys, you know, like the Ultimate Warrior, some of those guys, take 26. Go ahead.

01:45:27.000 And they'd sit there like pulling fucking teeth.

01:45:30.000 But for me, my nickname was One Take Jake.

01:45:34.000 And I'd say, give me something.

01:45:35.000 They'd throw a word out there and I'd do the whole fucking interview off that word.

01:45:38.000 Just fucking around.

01:45:39.000 So I'm there one day, I'm like, oh, I got one, guys.

01:45:42.000 I got one.

01:45:42.000 Okay, Jake, what are you gonna do?

01:45:44.000 Just do it.

01:45:46.000 And I went...

01:45:49.000 And they're like, oh, Jake, we're not getting any sound here.

01:45:54.000 I'm like, motherfucker, did I tell you just to roll it?

01:45:56.000 Just roll it.

01:45:58.000 So I do it again, making no sound for like 30 seconds.

01:46:02.000 And then I went, oh, tell the little boy that's next to you that you're not scared of Jake.

01:46:09.000 I just made you get up and fix a television that wasn't broken.

01:46:13.000 Didn't you come to the TV like I said to?

01:46:15.000 Yeah, you did.

01:46:17.000 You couldn't fix it.

01:46:19.000 Tell your wife I said hello.

01:46:21.000 Wow.

01:46:22.000 Chills.

01:46:24.000 Chills from head to toe from me.

01:46:26.000 You're sick fuckers.

01:46:31.000 Well, also, the life that you were living, you could probably pull those dark thoughts out like other people probably can't.

01:46:39.000 I'd sit in a bar, man, and write stuff down, you know.

01:46:44.000 And the next day I'd pick it up and read it and go, oh my God, what the fuck was I thinking?

01:46:49.000 You know, and it'd just horrify me.

01:46:51.000 But, yeah, sometimes you pull dark stuff out of bad moments in life, you know.

01:46:58.000 Well, you had experiences.

01:47:00.000 I mean, just trying to kill yourself with pills or whatever the fuck you were doing.

01:47:03.000 I mean, the darkness that you had in your life.

01:47:07.000 My sister being murdered and shit, and my mother was a 12-year-old girl, and her mother was dating my father.

01:47:17.000 Her mother was.

01:47:21.000 My grandmother passed out.

01:47:23.000 And my father left that bed and went into a 12-year-old little girl's room and raped her.

01:47:32.000 That's me.

01:47:35.000 That's how I got started.

01:47:37.000 And then later in life, my father was raping my sister.

01:47:40.000 Did not know it.

01:47:42.000 He raped his other daughter.

01:47:44.000 Did not know it.

01:47:47.000 Always heard whispering.

01:47:50.000 You know?

01:47:50.000 People whispering and giving him the evil item.

01:47:53.000 What the fuck's the problem?

01:47:55.000 Then I'd get in the ring with somebody that knew my dad and they'd beat the fucking shit out of me.

01:48:01.000 Because they hated him.

01:48:03.000 Because they'd seen some of the shit that he did.

01:48:07.000 Do you want to believe that of your own father?

01:48:10.000 You don't ever want to believe that.

01:48:12.000 God, you don't want to believe that, do you?

01:48:16.000 The girl that you met earlier, Cody.

01:48:20.000 She is the first daughter of mine that I held in my lap.

01:48:27.000 She was 22. 22. Before I would ever pick up one of my daughters and set them in my lap.

01:48:37.000 Because I was afraid I'd turn into my father.

01:48:40.000 I never wanted that.

01:48:45.000 I wanted to be someone that abused a child because I'd been abused and I knew what that shit was like and I knew what it did to my fucking head.

01:48:56.000 Getting right and getting sober, learning to talk about it helps a lot.

01:49:04.000 It makes it better.

01:49:05.000 You don't cure it.

01:49:07.000 You know, you never get over it.

01:49:10.000 But I can deal with it now.

01:49:12.000 I don't have to go medicate with it right now.

01:49:15.000 When you're talking to these people that you're also helping, you meet them, that also have these problems, how many of them have also been abused?

01:49:22.000 A lot.

01:49:22.000 A lot, man.

01:49:24.000 You know what it's like to be sitting at a Comic-Con and look out there and there's people in your line and Your eye contact contacts a kid.

01:49:36.000 You look at the kid and they look at you and you're like, you poor motherfucker, you're going through it too, aren't you?

01:49:42.000 And I can tell it.

01:49:44.000 I know that fucking kid's being sexually abused.

01:49:47.000 You can see it.

01:49:48.000 And I hate that feeling.

01:49:50.000 Because then they get up to the front and you're like trying to talk to them and they're like shut down completely.

01:49:56.000 And then the fucking asshole that's next to them is probably doing the bullshit.

01:50:00.000 He's wanting my fucking attention, man.

01:50:03.000 What chance do I have him getting any good attention?

01:50:06.000 Not much.

01:50:08.000 I keep going back to the kid.

01:50:09.000 How can you tell?

01:50:10.000 You just feel it.

01:50:11.000 You know it.

01:50:12.000 You smell it.

01:50:13.000 You taste it.

01:50:14.000 You see the fear.

01:50:15.000 You know?

01:50:16.000 And you see the way that the dad communicates with them.

01:50:19.000 And you see their reaction.

01:50:21.000 They won't look at you with their eyes.

01:50:23.000 You know?

01:50:24.000 Really hard to get them to look at you in the eyes, man.

01:50:27.000 It really is.

01:50:30.000 I remember I told somebody one time that probably the one thing that helped me in my early life about going through all that sexual abuse and bullshit was I learned how to lie at a very young age.

01:50:42.000 The reason I learned that a lot is because it helped get me to a safe place.

01:50:47.000 You know?

01:50:48.000 I learned to judge people and their attitudes.

01:50:51.000 You know, I knew what buttons to push and what buttons not to push with my stepmother.

01:50:56.000 And I knew what was a safe place.

01:50:58.000 And if there were keywords that come out from her, I knew to fucking go hide.

01:51:01.000 I had to start reading this shit.

01:51:04.000 And I had to start coming up with storylines and stuff to get me out of shit so I wouldn't be put in the position to get gotten again.

01:51:11.000 When you're learning that shit at 12 and 13, brother, you're getting some fucking knowledge.

01:51:17.000 But it's a motherfucker, man.

01:51:19.000 You know?

01:51:20.000 Just to have to go through it.

01:51:24.000 I don't know, brother.

01:51:26.000 If there was ever a reason to bring back the big one, gas or bullets or whatever, hang.

01:51:33.000 I think hanging's perfect for anybody that abuses kids.

01:51:36.000 Let's make a public fucking hang.

01:51:39.000 Fuck five years in jail.

01:51:40.000 Fuck you, motherfucker.

01:51:42.000 Put you dancing on the end of a rope.

01:51:45.000 That'd get people's attention.

01:51:46.000 It might stop some of it.

01:51:49.000 Yeah, I don't know how to...

01:51:50.000 What would they do that would stop it completely, but it's...

01:51:54.000 It's one of the most disturbing characteristics of people that's even possible.

01:51:59.000 And nobody wants to talk about it.

01:52:00.000 Nobody wants to talk about it.

01:52:01.000 The kid damn sure don't.

01:52:04.000 Because here's what happens to the kid nine times out of ten.

01:52:08.000 They raise their head and they say something.

01:52:10.000 Then this group comes in.

01:52:12.000 This group comes in.

01:52:13.000 Cops come in.

01:52:13.000 They say this, that, this, that.

01:52:15.000 Well, he's probably just exaggerating.

01:52:17.000 This, that, this, that.

01:52:17.000 You have to go home with them.

01:52:19.000 Oh, fuck no!

01:52:21.000 You can't put that kid back in that house.

01:52:23.000 Right.

01:52:24.000 What chances do you have now?

01:52:26.000 Right.

01:52:27.000 Or you end up in an orphanage where...

01:52:30.000 You're getting raped again.

01:52:31.000 Yeah.

01:52:31.000 Who wants to volunteer at an orphanage more than a predator.

01:52:35.000 And that's the problem is a lot of kids that get abused like that wind up abusing other kids.

01:52:39.000 Absolutely.

01:52:40.000 It's what you're taught.

01:52:41.000 Yeah.

01:52:43.000 Sanduskia, that whole charity for kids.

01:52:46.000 It was his whole thing.

01:52:47.000 It was his nut, man.

01:52:49.000 I'm going to open up an abused children's home.

01:52:51.000 That way I'll know where to go get one.

01:52:54.000 We also knew that the kids were damaged and they would be used to it.

01:52:59.000 You know, what we call love, it can be an ugly thing.

01:53:05.000 Sometimes a kid looks to get his ass kicked because that's the only type of love he knows.

01:53:10.000 That's true.

01:53:12.000 You're a powerful man to have gone through all this and to be able to express it so honestly to everybody.

01:53:19.000 I mean, that is an amazing thing because The pain of your experiences has not stopped you from expressing all of the downsides of it, but also that you've come out of it on the other end in a very positive way.

01:53:36.000 I mean, you're a great guy to be around.

01:53:37.000 You're funny as shit.

01:53:38.000 You have amazing stories, and you're clean now.

01:53:41.000 You're clean and healthy.

01:53:42.000 I'm funny in a room like this because there's not any competition.

01:53:45.000 Come on, Joe.

01:53:46.000 Just me and you.

01:53:47.000 Where do you go from here, you know?

01:53:50.000 Lapdog27.

01:53:51.000 No, uh...

01:53:52.000 It's amazing, man.

01:53:53.000 It really is.

01:53:54.000 I just want to help somebody else not feel what I felt.

01:53:57.000 Yeah.

01:53:58.000 Because I don't want them to have to do the things that I did to quit feeling it.

01:54:04.000 Because I'll tell you, man, it's a whole lot easier to pick up cocaine and forget about it than it is to go through counseling, go through this, go through reliving it 25 fucking times.

01:54:17.000 You know, you go into counseling and they say, okay, tell us exactly how it happened.

01:54:22.000 Do I really fucking want to do that?

01:54:24.000 Right.

01:54:25.000 Why do you want me to do that?

01:54:26.000 So you can sit over there and jack off what?

01:54:28.000 What's your nut on this?

01:54:30.000 Because that's what we're thinking.

01:54:31.000 Right.

01:54:32.000 Why do you want me to remember it?

01:54:33.000 I want to fucking forget it.

01:54:35.000 Tell me how to forget it.

01:54:37.000 Right.

01:54:37.000 Don't tell me how to remember it.

01:54:39.000 I got it down.

01:54:42.000 What was ultimately the thing that allowed you to stay clean?

01:54:46.000 When you had faltered five or six times, whatever it was, what was ultimately the thing that allowed you to get past all this and just embrace sobriety and being healthy?

01:54:57.000 I think it was just realizing that I wasn't going to fail this time.

01:55:06.000 And that came from Dallas not giving up on me.

01:55:12.000 See, I was scared that he was going to give up on me.

01:55:15.000 So it's almost like you were failing so that he would give up on you.

01:55:17.000 So I could get that over with.

01:55:20.000 Right.

01:55:20.000 I know it's going to hurt, but God damn it, I can't deal with this thought of how much it's going to hurt.

01:55:25.000 I'd rather it hurt right now, and you kick me out, and then I can go over here and get something that'll make me forget about this bullshit.

01:55:32.000 So it's always hanging over your head that you're going to fuck up.

01:55:35.000 And finally, when I realized, no matter how many times I fucked up, this son of a bitch is going to be there.

01:55:44.000 And again, man, three years.

01:55:47.000 I don't want to live with me for three years.

01:55:49.000 Much less you, dude.

01:55:51.000 I texted him last night.

01:55:53.000 What I texted him is that he's a saint.

01:55:54.000 After I watched that documentary, I'm like, dude, you're a saint.

01:55:58.000 He just wants to help people, man.

01:56:00.000 And, you know, I'm not going to sit here and hard sell this product, man.

01:56:04.000 But DDP yogurt, let's see.

01:56:09.000 Body, end your mind.

01:56:11.000 He's going to have you eat good food.

01:56:13.000 Diet?

01:56:14.000 There ain't no fucking diet.

01:56:16.000 All we ask you to do is not eat certain shit.

01:56:20.000 This, by the way, shit.

01:56:22.000 He's just asking you to step off of gluten and step off dairy.

01:56:26.000 Okay, what's the problem with that?

01:56:27.000 Cheese.

01:56:28.000 Okay, you want cheese?

01:56:29.000 You can have cheese.

01:56:29.000 You can have sheep cheese and goat cheese because it don't fuck you up like cow cheese does.

01:56:33.000 Well, if you look at how healthy the guy is in his 60s, and how flexible he is, and how mobile he is, and with a fucked up back.

01:56:40.000 I want a chick just like him.

01:56:42.000 His back is fucked up, but he can do everything.

01:56:45.000 And it's just because his muscles are so strong all around his back, it's completely supported.

01:56:49.000 It's the old story of, you know, if you don't use it, you'll lose.

01:56:53.000 Right, yeah.

01:56:54.000 From listening to him on your podcast, he talked about how he does an extreme 10-minute stretching to start his day, and I've really, really put that into action.

01:57:06.000 This fucker picks up stuff from animals.

01:57:09.000 He'll say, now watch this dog in the morning first fucking gets up.

01:57:12.000 What does the dog do?

01:57:13.000 Stretch.

01:57:14.000 He gets those paws out in front of him and arcs that back.

01:57:18.000 Then you watch Dallas do his fucking workout.

01:57:19.000 Wait a fucking minute.

01:57:20.000 I've seen that move a minute.

01:57:22.000 Downward dog.

01:57:23.000 And then you're doing the arch in the back like a fucking cat.

01:57:26.000 What the fuck?

01:57:27.000 You cheating bastard.

01:57:28.000 Yeah.

01:57:28.000 He's a smart man.

01:57:29.000 Yeah, he is.

01:57:30.000 He's a powerful man, too.

01:57:32.000 I mean, just what he has in his head in terms of his vision for helping people and how he's able to see that through, having that accountability crib and putting everybody through these workouts on a daily basis.

01:57:45.000 I mean, the amount of time invested in helping you guys is fucking amazing.

01:57:50.000 And not just you guys, but many, many, many, many people.

01:57:53.000 My only fear is he's not going to get out there Oh, he's getting out there.

01:57:59.000 Look, we're helping him.

01:58:01.000 There's a whole other world that doesn't know him.

01:58:03.000 People are knowing about him more and more.

01:58:05.000 Oh, I know.

01:58:05.000 He really appreciates your show and what it did for him, man.

01:58:08.000 He said he just fucking rocked his fucking world.

01:58:10.000 Because it's feeding that buzz.

01:58:12.000 I mean, it's feeding his...

01:58:14.000 Keep going, keep going.

01:58:14.000 It really is true.

01:58:15.000 Doing something nice makes you feel good.

01:58:18.000 It doesn't really get talked about enough.

01:58:20.000 It doesn't, man.

01:58:21.000 There's not a good news channel.

01:58:22.000 Why not?

01:58:23.000 Right.

01:58:23.000 No, you're right.

01:58:24.000 Fuck you.

01:58:25.000 I don't want to see happy shit.

01:58:27.000 You know, right?

01:58:28.000 There's a lot of that.

01:58:29.000 Well, you know, people are scared.

01:58:31.000 They like watching fear-based things.

01:58:32.000 Right.

01:58:33.000 Because, you know, if it bleeds, it leads.

01:58:35.000 And guess what?

01:58:35.000 If you're hurting, I don't feel so bad.

01:58:37.000 Yeah.

01:58:37.000 Well, I think the problem is even calling it news.

01:58:40.000 You know, it's events.

01:58:42.000 But news is almost always negative.

01:58:44.000 Yeah.

01:58:44.000 It's all, you know, even calling it the news.

01:58:48.000 Like, what does that mean?

01:58:49.000 News?

01:58:49.000 What's news?

01:58:50.000 This shit happened hours ago.

01:58:51.000 It's not news.

01:58:52.000 This is just events.

01:58:54.000 It's like the show is events.

01:58:55.000 But what Dallas is doing is showing people that there's another path.

01:59:01.000 In his yoga program and just how positive and energetic the guy is.

01:59:07.000 It's contagious.

01:59:08.000 You know, and having him on the podcast, man, the number of fucking messages that I got afterwards of how many people have benefited and how many people started taking his program and started taking his yoga or any yoga and cleaning up their life and just inspired by it.

01:59:21.000 It's amazing.

01:59:22.000 You know, that makes me very happy.

01:59:25.000 When I can help a guy spread that kind of word, that makes me very happy.

01:59:30.000 I mean, I just want to get out there.

01:59:32.000 I've chosen this platform of doing these shows in buildings.

01:59:36.000 You know, because it wouldn't do me any good to be in a building where there's 5,000 people because I can't spend time with each one of you.

01:59:43.000 Right.

01:59:43.000 But if it's 100 or 150 in a comedy club, there's going to be 5 or 10 people that want to talk about 150. I got time for that.

01:59:51.000 Yeah.

01:59:52.000 If it was 5,000, I'd be overwhelmed.

01:59:55.000 Not because of the show, because the show's easy.

01:59:58.000 It's just fucking memories I pull out and had some jingle to it and twirl it around, you know, say a couple of cute things and I'm done.

02:00:04.000 Yeah.

02:00:05.000 But getting to them, that's the deal.

02:00:07.000 That's my nut.

02:00:07.000 That's where I want it.

02:00:11.000 You know when it's been a good show, when I go and talk to a couple of people and I can go back to the hotel room and just like...

02:00:18.000 Which is basically the opposite of how you would go back to a hotel room when you were wrestling.

02:00:24.000 Yeah.

02:00:24.000 Because I want to forget now.

02:00:26.000 Right.

02:00:27.000 Now I'm doing shit that I don't have to forget about.

02:00:29.000 And you can go back and chill.

02:00:31.000 I can go back and smile, man.

02:00:33.000 That's beautiful.

02:00:34.000 Now I'm getting the chance, you know, I'm hoping that, you know...

02:00:39.000 I've had enough miracles happen to me in the past four years to believe that there's still one more miracle left for me.

02:00:47.000 And I hope to hell I meet her soon.

02:00:50.000 Because I don't want to be alone anymore, man.

02:00:52.000 You see, I did something stupid, man.

02:00:55.000 I'm going to tell you guys.

02:00:56.000 A lot of you guys listening are going to say, come on, Jake, you're killing my buzz, man.

02:01:00.000 Well, maybe I am, man.

02:01:01.000 But I'm going to tell you something, guys.

02:01:04.000 A woman's a great thing to have.

02:01:07.000 But you can't have too much.

02:01:10.000 You can have too many.

02:01:12.000 I know.

02:01:14.000 I experienced that.

02:01:16.000 I went from a small-town kid in Gainesville, Texas, where if you got laid twice a month by two different girls, you're a stud.

02:01:27.000 You know?

02:01:28.000 You're the man.

02:01:30.000 And the double standards that we have for women, that if a woman goes out and gets laid, she's not a stud.

02:01:35.000 She's a whore!

02:01:38.000 What the fuck's wrong with that?

02:01:39.000 It's us.

02:01:41.000 Well, Jake went from small town to bigger city.

02:01:46.000 Star.

02:01:48.000 Oh my God, you name the price.

02:01:50.000 You make it nice.

02:01:51.000 Hey girl, why don't you and your girlfriend come do a little show for me.

02:01:55.000 Use this toy, that toy, this toy.

02:01:57.000 Bring in the donkey.

02:01:57.000 Here comes the clown.

02:01:58.000 Because that's what it got to.

02:02:00.000 It was never enough.

02:02:03.000 It had to be one more idea, one more goofy thing to do with a girl, or one more sexual position, or how many can you do in one night?

02:02:12.000 What'd you do with a donkey?

02:02:13.000 It's a joke, bro.

02:02:14.000 We're friends.

02:02:16.000 We have dicks that are like, anyway.

02:02:19.000 But, other words, I fucked till I couldn't fuck no more.

02:02:25.000 Because now I got a problem.

02:02:27.000 What's the problem?

02:02:28.000 It takes some pretty weird shit to get my fucking brain busy again.

02:02:33.000 I went from having that diva at home, that foxy, hot, most I could ever want, to having to give myself shots of fucking testosterone so I can pray to get a heart on for her.

02:02:51.000 Because there's not all this outside stuff going into the night.

02:02:57.000 Are you fucking kidding me?

02:02:59.000 You can't get your dick hard for this hot motherfucker over here that will do anything for you to love you?

02:03:05.000 Everything?

02:03:06.000 But it's also had to probably have to do with all the years of doing steroids.

02:03:10.000 I mean, well, your body doesn't produce testosterone the same anymore if you do years of steroids.

02:03:16.000 Yeah, well, I can still get the wood, man.

02:03:18.000 He brought the donkey and this fucking wood all day long.

02:03:21.000 Well, that's the extreme excitement, but that might be part of the issue.

02:03:23.000 The excitement was...

02:03:27.000 Having a door, you can make them do anything you want.

02:03:29.000 Right.

02:03:30.000 That's the kink.

02:03:31.000 That's not healthy.

02:03:31.000 Right.

02:03:32.000 That's the kink.

02:03:32.000 That's very unhealthy.

02:03:33.000 Right.

02:03:33.000 That is the kink.

02:03:34.000 Exactly.

02:03:35.000 Exactly.

02:03:35.000 Power.

02:03:35.000 So you got two into the kink and then regular stuff wasn't stimulating enough for you.

02:03:40.000 Could not get me happy.

02:03:42.000 I mean, you know, it's the old joke about the couple that are in bed going, what's wrong, honey?

02:03:45.000 You can't fuck anybody else either?

02:03:48.000 Fuck, you know.

02:03:49.000 You're trying to think of somebody to get your shit going.

02:03:51.000 She's trying to think of somebody to get her shit going.

02:03:53.000 You're both living a fucking lie.

02:03:55.000 But I had to abstain from sex for several years to get the fire back.

02:04:04.000 The fire is back.

02:04:07.000 Nobody wants to put it out.

02:04:10.000 You can find a gal.

02:04:11.000 Ladies out there.

02:04:13.000 I don't want a gal.

02:04:14.000 I want a woman.

02:04:15.000 He's available.

02:04:16.000 Women.

02:04:17.000 Not girls.

02:04:18.000 Girls, stay home.

02:04:19.000 Women.

02:04:20.000 Life experience.

02:04:21.000 I'm going to hook you up on a date with my mom.

02:04:23.000 If I can get Jake the Snake to be my stepdad, my life's complete.

02:04:29.000 If her penis is bigger than yours, I'll take her.

02:04:32.000 Probably is.

02:04:33.000 Okay.

02:04:34.000 And she has a pet donkey.

02:04:35.000 Alright!

02:04:37.000 Bring in the clowns.

02:04:39.000 Bring in the clowns.

02:04:41.000 We're going to fix that back in one moment.

02:04:42.000 You want any dating apps or anything?

02:04:44.000 No problem.

02:04:45.000 I don't do that shit.

02:04:45.000 You don't do that shit?

02:04:46.000 I don't want to, man.

02:04:47.000 I want an old-fashioned girl in an old-fashioned way.

02:04:50.000 You just put it out there in the universe right now to millions of people.

02:04:54.000 So, what's going to happen is, at your shows...

02:04:57.000 I'm going to get a lot of bullshit that I don't want.

02:04:59.000 No, there's going to be these gals that think, I'm the one.

02:05:02.000 They're dolling their hair up right now.

02:05:03.000 Yep.

02:05:04.000 Listening to this podcast right now.

02:05:05.000 There's girls in the mirror right now with a blow dryer and a brush, and they're getting ready for Jake the Snake.

02:05:11.000 You on Instagram?

02:05:12.000 Zaney's in Nashville.

02:05:14.000 You got to check those DMs.

02:05:15.000 We got to teach you how to check your inbox.

02:05:17.000 Yeah, do you check your inbox?

02:05:18.000 I don't check an inbox, no.

02:05:20.000 You got to be careful with the ones with the numbers after their names.

02:05:23.000 Most of those bitches are fake.

02:05:24.000 If you go to their pages and there's only two photos and none of them have any text in them, don't get suckered.

02:05:30.000 Don't get fished.

02:05:31.000 Have you ever been fished?

02:05:33.000 They catfish you.

02:05:34.000 You've got to be real careful.

02:05:36.000 They're trying to fuck with you.

02:05:37.000 They're trying to get money.

02:05:38.000 They're from Nigeria.

02:05:40.000 We'll help you, bro.

02:05:42.000 Why do I not feel comfortable?

02:05:44.000 Where do people find your gigs?

02:05:46.000 We're going to send this out there.

02:05:48.000 To all the women.

02:05:50.000 Actual women.

02:05:51.000 You know, social media, man.

02:05:54.000 JakeTheSnakeDDT on Instagram.

02:05:56.000 And do you have a website?

02:05:57.000 Yeah, I've got a website, man.

02:05:59.000 JakeTheSnakeRoberts.com.

02:06:01.000 JakeTheSnakeRoberts.com.

02:06:02.000 Is there a contact thing on there?

02:06:04.000 At JakeTheSnakeRoberts.com.

02:06:05.000 Prepare yourself for photographs.

02:06:07.000 Just know that my daughter will read them first.

02:06:09.000 Okay.

02:06:10.000 Settle down, ladies.

02:06:11.000 So send pictures.

02:06:13.000 She doesn't read well, but she likes to look at pictures.

02:06:14.000 There it is, all bookings.

02:06:15.000 There we go.

02:06:16.000 She's the best, man.

02:06:17.000 She's the best.

02:06:19.000 All right, brother.

02:06:19.000 Listen, this is an awesome podcast.

02:06:21.000 I really appreciate you coming in here.

02:06:23.000 Your film is fucking fantastic.

02:06:24.000 Thank you.

02:06:25.000 It's the resurrection of Jake the Snake.

02:06:27.000 It's fucking excellent.

02:06:29.000 Diamond Dallas Page.

02:06:30.000 You mean the first hours up?

02:06:32.000 We just did two hours and 20 minutes.

02:06:33.000 Are you kidding me?

02:06:34.000 Yeah, flew by.

02:06:36.000 It goes fast when somebody's sucking your dick.

02:06:40.000 Thanks, by the way.

02:06:41.000 Of course.

02:06:41.000 You're the man.

02:06:43.000 Shout out to Dallas.

02:06:44.000 He's a fucking amazing human being.

02:06:46.000 Young Tony Hinchcliffe, tell people where you're going to be next.

02:06:49.000 Dallas, New Year's Eve.

02:06:50.000 I'm going to be in Baltimore.

02:06:52.000 Where are you at?

02:06:52.000 Addison?

02:06:53.000 I'm doing Hyenas again.

02:06:55.000 Just did 11 packed shows in Texas.

02:07:00.000 Four Kill Tonys and five stand-up shows this week.

02:07:03.000 And we're doing Dallas New Year's Eve.

02:07:05.000 Me and Jeremiah Watkins featuring for me two shows in one night.

02:07:08.000 Baltimore at the Goobies at the end of November.

02:07:11.000 And those dates for England are coming up on my website probably at the end of this week.

02:07:18.000 Maybe someday, you and I, You gotta do a gig together.

02:07:22.000 Can be in the same town.

02:07:23.000 Oh.

02:07:23.000 And me doing a good show and you have him somewhere else.

02:07:26.000 Yeah, absolutely.

02:07:28.000 He's got it.

02:07:29.000 And on a positive note, he's a bad guy.

02:07:31.000 This guy, he's got it.

02:07:31.000 This is how it goes.

02:07:32.000 Yeah, I got it.

02:07:32.000 I got it.

02:07:33.000 Yeah, no, I'd like to hang out with you, man.

02:07:34.000 No, yeah, we will.

02:07:35.000 I'd like some help because I do want to do some movies out there.

02:07:37.000 Remember that?

02:07:38.000 Not just porn.

02:07:40.000 And I have a wrestling podcast I have to get you on.

02:07:43.000 We do it at the Comedy Store.

02:07:44.000 We'll do it, man, because I'm trying to get a deal with a club there in Vegas, man, because I'd like to do the whole residency thing.

02:07:52.000 Beautiful.

02:07:53.000 And then have a podcast live right there in the building.

02:07:57.000 Listen, man, we'll help you.

02:07:58.000 I'll help you promote it.

02:07:59.000 I'd love to, man.

02:07:59.000 Fuck yeah, we'll put it on Twitter and Instagram, the whole deal.

02:08:01.000 Well, y'all need to buy a hotel first and put me into that fucking hotel doing my podcast.

02:08:05.000 Well, again, we're putting it out into the universe, ladies and gentlemen.

02:08:08.000 Bring it to us.

02:08:09.000 Let's see where it comes.

02:08:10.000 Thank you, sir.

02:08:10.000 Thank you so much.

02:08:12.000 So much, man.

02:08:13.000 Tony Hinchcliffe, ladies and gentlemen.

02:08:14.000 Thanks.

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 20, 2018

Joe Rogan Experience #1205 - Jake "The Snake" Roberts & Tony Hinchcliffe

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