Comedian Dave Chappelle opens up about smoking weed on stage and how it makes him funnier, and how he uses it as a punchline enhancer. The guys also talk about what it's like to be a stand-up comedian and how they got into the whole pot scene, and why they don't smoke on stage anymore. Also, the guys talk about how they met and fell in love with each other, and what it was like to grow up in the 80s and early 90s in a house full of pot smokers. And they talk about the weird things they used to do to get high, like smoke joints and rollies. You won't want to miss this one! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The 500 is a production of Native Creative Podcasts. All rights reserved. Used by permission. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever else you re listening. If you re a podcaster, please consider leaving us a rating and a review. We re listening to us on Podchaser. Thank you for supporting us. We re working on a new album, we re making a new ad-free version of our new album "The Best of Us" coming out soon. Thank you so much for all the support we can't wait to see you in the next episode! -- Thank you. -- The Besties, Jeff Perla, Joe, Jeff, Ralden, Matt, Adam, Jake, and Matt, Sarah, and the rest of the Crews, etc., etc. etc. -- -- -- Cheers. Cheers, Jon, Raffy, Rachael, Gorms, Gage, etc. - Thank you, Jon & Matt, Kristy, Amy, Mike, Ben, Korte, etc, etc.. & much more. <3 - Thanks, Jon and Jeff, JUICY, Jon, Sr. & the rest etc., , etc. - - etc. <3, KEVY, JOSK & JACOB, RYAN, ROD & GABE, JACO, RENGSY, MURCHES, JAMIE, JAYE, AND KELLY, AND THEMSELF
00:01:44.000I'll say right now it definitely is a weakness that like you know now I don't drink don't do anything but like coffee and cigarettes it's like yeah it's breathing for me but uh on stage it does focus it helps focus you they say it's legitimately they say new nicotine is actually a good nootropic yeah it actually enhances cognitive function like if you do a test without nicotine then do a test with nicotine non-users yeah It makes me nauseous.
00:02:10.000If I accidentally smoke a blunt, and not just straight weed or something, and just tobacco, like Snoop handed me something the other day, and I thought it was all pop, but there was tobacco in there.
00:03:37.000Red Bull will make me too, like, jumpy and nervous, but coffee will get my brain working just a little bit quicker than the audience's.
00:03:44.000Did you guys do this one time as a goof and then start touring with it, or did you just put the idea together?
00:03:50.000Like, what made you decide to work together like this?
00:03:54.000You know, it all started out just late night at the Comedy Cellar where, you know, I'd be on stage and I would just see Jeff in the room and I would bring him up and then we would just, you know, like throw down basically and have a great time.
00:04:06.000And, you know, we kept doing it and doing it and people actually would, you know, like they wanted to see it.
00:04:10.000It became like this kind of like, are you guys going to go up together?
00:04:13.000They would always ask us, are you guys going up together?
00:04:41.000And I just wanted to get my ya-ya's out, and he would just bring me up, and he'd sit by the piano, and I would goof off, or I'd sit by the piano, and he would tell jokes, and we started setting each other up, and organically, our friends started popping up with us, or people from the audience,
00:04:57.000or whatever, bachelorette party, and we just started making an act out of it without even realizing it.
00:05:03.000Yeah, it was a lot of fun in the beginning especially because he really kept me on my toes.
00:05:10.000Listening is the hardest thing, listening on stage.
00:05:14.000Because once you're up there alone, locked in, you control all facets of the performance.
00:05:21.000But when there's another person up there, especially Jeff and I, we have so many different skill sets.
00:05:26.000So it was really cool to work off of him.
00:06:52.000But Jeff saw, I guess, the next step to it.
00:06:54.000I always just thought it was something that if the comics wanted to see it that bad, and then more and more comics wanted to come on stage with us, and then more and more...
00:07:04.000Jim Carrey came to one of our shows in Montreal and all the headliners sort of popping up with us.
00:07:11.000And I thought, this is more than just us as a hobby.
00:07:15.000This is something that no one else is really doing.
00:07:18.000I got really into it really quick and I tried to call it Bumping Mikes and Dave was like, no.
00:13:31.000So you're doing like a 16-hour day there, right?
00:13:34.000Well, yeah, but the thing is, like, the way it works really good with me with family is that most of the stuff I'm doing either while my kids are at school or while my kids are asleep.
00:13:42.000So by the time I leave, I have a 10 o'clock spot at the store.
00:14:16.000Everybody has that one great beginning of a bit, and they're like, where does this go?
00:14:21.000And then you just keep throwing it out, throwing it out, throwing it out.
00:14:24.000That's the cool thing with Jeff, is that we both bring material up on stage, but at the end of the day, it's the stuff that just comes to us, like that in-the-moment stuff, especially with the audience.
00:14:34.000That's the stuff that I really think...
00:14:35.000We should give a shout-out to Andrew, the director, for capturing all that.
00:15:40.000And Andrew and I are tight, and Dave and I were sort of going back and forth on who could sort of direct us Who would know our moves, but yet had the experience, and Dave doesn't like anybody that's too hip.
00:15:55.000I like it straight ahead, and I also think some of these comedy specials are over-directed, so I didn't want to fall into this whole, like, you know, instead of, like, lighting the stage, you guys hold lanterns, you know, like that kind of thing.
00:16:15.000He really was cool, and he really was patient, and he really brought a lot of things outside of, I know, my wheelhouse.
00:16:21.000It's a collaboration, which is another thing you're not used to doing when you do your own special.
00:16:25.000You're like, hey, I want to do it this way, I've been doing it this way, and I want it that way.
00:16:29.000But when you have other voices in the room and other ideas, then you've got to pretty much mesh it together into something that pretty much, I guess, captures the spirit of it and also, hopefully, the funny of it.
00:16:44.000Well, if you got that guy as your director, I mean, that's fucking incredible.
00:16:48.000It looks cool, and he also understood our personalities and our friendship.
00:16:52.000You know, I've been chasing Dave my whole career.
00:16:54.000I always, as an open miker, I would go watch Dave, or, you know, I always thought, like, if no one's gonna make it in our crew until Dave makes it, Dave was always the one that everybody came to watch.
00:17:07.000Even when Ray Romano was popping on TV, he would go down to watch Dave and tell riff.
00:17:13.000And my first TV spot was a seven-hour train ride with Dave to Canada when we were really young.
00:17:21.000I've heard three versions of this story, Joe.
00:18:09.000Like, it's great to see self-starters who find success because it really is difficult to, like, take something and, like, make it not only financially successful, but also, like, something that we all respect and love, you know?
00:18:21.000And that's, you know, I'd say the roasting thing that Jeff...
00:18:24.000Really pretty much is rebranded into like, you know, every possible way you can do it is always good because he's behind it.
00:18:33.000When it's not really with him, then you're like, I'm not so sure.
00:18:36.000There's other people who are really good at it too, but I'm just saying that like, you know, that is when, you know, we're on the road and people will scream out the car door, it's the Roastmaster!
00:18:46.000I mean like, you know, I had my insomniac time, but he like 20, 30 times that in terms of like recognition.
00:18:57.000You know, I mean, like, if people say roast, they think Jeff Ross.
00:19:00.000I earned it because when people laughed at me and thought, oh, that's a dead art, it's a lost art, it's antiquated, it's corny, it's old guys, I stuck by it and said, no, it's alternative comedy, no one's doing it, I get to hang with legends like Buddy Hackett and Milton Berle,
00:19:17.000you know, and I stuck to it because...
00:22:09.000You hadn't been at the comic store in years and years and years and years.
00:22:12.000And I don't know all the details, and it never really was part of my...
00:22:19.000And you were asking me about Roast Battle, or somebody started asking me about it in front of you, and I saw you getting curious, and you were getting more curious, and you were maybe a little homesick for the comedy store, who knows.
00:24:02.000Why is it that so many people excel at that, especially young comics, but they can't seem to figure out a way to generate that kind of energy during a regular set?
00:24:17.000That this is their moment, so they throw all in.
00:24:19.000But can I say, as an outsider, since I never was really a West Coast comic like you guys, is that the Comedy Store, from back in the day to before the roast battling...
00:24:30.000To the Rose Battle, like an amazing difference.
00:24:33.000I remember walking in there and it was like a haunted house.
00:27:22.000I don't want to give too many secrets away, but the better roast battlers will study the game tape, if you will, and figure all this stuff out.
00:27:54.000Those jokes are vicious and clean and tight.
00:27:58.000It's not something we do off the top of our head.
00:28:01.000If you can do that also, but Tony takes it seriously and it's like I say, it's an art.
00:28:08.000That's also the skill of joke writing, which is like in today's world of more storytelling and all that kind of stuff.
00:28:16.000It's few and far between where you actually see someone who can put together a couple of jokes in a row and you're like, wow, that was a great run.
00:28:23.000Everybody has one good joke and then Maybe a couple of tags, but to actually have a great run.
00:28:29.000That's the thing that always excites me about comedy.
00:28:32.000He'll tell you, when we work together, he'll go, what new stuff do you have?
00:28:36.000And we'll just throw it up there, and I'll try and basically work it out on stage.
00:28:41.000Because I know it's not one of my own bits, like a formed bit yet.
00:28:44.000It's something that I can work with him.
00:29:35.000I feel like there's something about the virtual experience and the live experience that we're really in that world now of coming to see someone live is getting harder and harder, but they'll know all your clips on YouTube.
00:29:50.000Don't you think more people are going to see people live than ever before?
00:32:29.000And the thing about the show, the reason why this works is because we can all talk about it in a way that a person who doesn't do it can still understand it.
00:33:00.000How much time do you spend alone with the bit?
00:33:04.000Because a lot of guys don't like to do anything outside of write little tiny bullet points and then let it all express itself naturally on stage.
00:33:13.000So it's hard to say what's right or what's wrong.
00:33:16.000There's a lot of work to comedy that people don't get, which is the writing, but it's also the listening to yourself, like taping and listening.
00:33:28.000And it's like, that is the thing where when I go back and go like, you know, when I was really hardcore into the, into like, you know, material turning an hour, that was the thing where it's like, you almost have to like, like you told me you have that tank.
00:33:40.000That's where like go in there with your act, like, especially like a hard show on a Friday, like late show and like listen to it.
00:34:40.000Remember we were looking in the edit and I go, hey, I gotta tell you, there's like a hundred punchlines in this thing.
00:34:44.000So even if like, you know, the law of average is like, you know, turtles swimming into the ocean, if only like seven are great, that's still a lot for a Netflix special.
00:38:10.000No, it's really cool because Jeff's family, like wherever we would go on the road, Jeff's family, you know, would be like, can I get your comps because I, you know, I've got like three third cousins here.
00:38:19.000I didn't know there were Jews in Oklahoma, but evidently there were, you know, five distinct, you know, 23 and me people out there for me.
00:38:26.000And I was like, it was funny to see, because I'm really a lone wolf.
00:38:30.000Like, I'm on the road alone, you know, I go out there, I do my thing.
00:38:33.000And Jeff really does, like, he's very inclusive with his family, so I give him a lot of credit for that.
00:38:37.000Like, you know, they're all invited, you know, come hang out in the green room and all that kind of stuff.
00:38:42.000So that's cool, and he brought that on stage, like, with your aunt.
00:38:45.000I thought that was, like, one of the best moments of the whole show, you know?
00:41:14.000Maybe you just get more of a jolly off of filming a clip and putting that clip on Facebook and getting a million downloads.
00:41:22.000I just know that when I go to a place and I'm working on new material, I want it to be figured out and then put it on the way I want it.
00:41:28.000But I totally understand what you're saying, which is like it's an open world now, and it's just like the idea of controlling is like an antiquated idea.
00:41:38.000But I think that, for me at least as the joke writer, I just want it to where it's going to be.
00:42:31.000And the only way for us to do this is, like, if you are a musician, I'm sure it feels awesome to practice in front of a crowd, but you can practice at home.
00:42:40.000Like, you can actually get the band together and play the whole song.
00:43:09.000And, like, the best people have multiple drafts.
00:43:11.000And it's the same thing with the joke, where it's like, it'll work, and then it won't work, and then you'll change a line, and then it'll work better, and then it won't.
00:46:03.000But for years, he's gotten out of it now, but for years he wouldn't update his material.
00:46:08.000And I took my sister and my brother-in-law and John Stamos, we all went to see him at Caroline's one night, and Gilbert's up there, this is like three years ago, Doing, like, Calista Flockhart's two skinny jokes.
00:46:58.000But when he's with us, like when that thing I said to Jeff, I go, if we ever tour again, we have to bring him on some of these gigs because he really does like, he was the third element of this, whatever, chemistry of the thing that really did, for me at least, I always knew that like if it wasn't going anything with me and Jeff,
00:47:16.000and that's the truth of it too, and people will see that in the show that there's, you know, there's a couple of bits that go nowhere, but we left them in to show people that it's real and all that kind of stuff, but What about Norm?
00:51:13.000That is definitely, of the two towns I'm thinking right now, Boston and Philly are the two towns that have changed dramatically, comedically, and also just in terms of, like, when you walk around in Boston now, you're not like, hey, I'm going to get jumped, you know, because I'm wearing a Yankee.
00:51:28.000You know, if anything, it's like, you know, everybody here is so, like, metro, and, you know, someone's going to invite me to, like, a poetry reading at a wine, you know, bar or something like that.
00:51:37.000It's very metro, and the comedy there is still good, but it's funny that old Boston was such a challenge.
00:51:43.000It really was, like, especially outsiders.
00:51:45.000What year did you start going to Knicks?
00:52:59.000What was going on back then was a famine mentality, and I don't think we have that anymore.
00:53:04.000I think that famine mentality is gone, because now everybody realizes that with the internet, there's literally an unlimited amount of viewers and people that can come to your gigs.
00:53:16.000It's way more beneficial for them to know that, like, if you're talking about someone that's really good, for them to know you have good taste.
00:53:25.000Like, if Dave says, oh, you gotta see Jeff Ross as a fucking hilarious comedian, and I go, well, I love Dave, so he must be right.
00:53:35.000And this is the not having a famine mentality.
00:53:38.000That's the thing that fucked us back in the early days.
00:53:41.000Like, in Boston, it was before my time, because when I came along, they had already started, like, Stephen Wright had been on, was he on Letterman?
00:53:50.000And then, you know, like, Jay Leno had already taken off, and he was on Letterman all the time.
00:53:55.000Those guys had already, like, broken through to TV. But there was a sense that some of them had that, like, where's mine?
00:54:24.000But also, we're of the generation, and not to make this a whole trip to the Museum of Comedy, but we're of the generation where we actually saw people who crush a room.
00:55:34.000So what year was that, that he did the HBO? Because I wonder what year when I saw him.
00:55:38.000I think it was either 85 or 86. I think it was 86. So if I saw him at Rascals at a sold-out show, and I was in college, and I knew how funny he was, he was probably already famous.
00:57:48.000During the Neil Young concert, the back area is all grass, and they started bonfires.
00:57:52.000These fucking crazy Neil Young fans threw a bunch of shit on the ground and just started fires.
00:57:57.000And then they started trying to break up these fires, and people were pushing security guards, and then my friend Larry, who's like the nicest guy in the world, punched this guy in the stomach, and I'm like, okay, that's it.
00:58:08.000If Larry's punching people, he's the nicest guy ever.
00:59:11.000When Jeff and I did the oddball, like, we went on together, that was my most fun doing the oddball thing, and I always thought it was a great, like, Jeff Wills is super cool to comics and everything like that, but, like, the only guy I've ever seen, like, actually look like he's having a great time was Chappelle doing it.
00:59:24.000Like, I really, like, he's, like, so comfortable everywhere, but, like, in the outdoor venue, you know, he's, like, taking his time.
00:59:31.000Yeah, like, it's just amazing to watch him do it, but the outdoor thing with the can-never-hear, you know, like, the joke going off into outer space, that definitely is something that, you know, even the theater in the round, which is one I saw Rodney Dangerfield in when I was,
01:04:09.000He also, like, with religion, he was, like, the first guy to really, like, you know, him and Bill Hicks, I always thought were, like, you know, that was so cool, their takes on religion, you know?
01:04:59.000Whenever you go back and listen to stuff like Lenny Bruce, it's really almost impossible, unless you live through it, to put yourself in that time.
01:08:52.000So I realized it really is like you were saying before, Dave, the moment present, the experience of being there.
01:08:59.000People were so restricted back then in terms of their access to information, in terms of the way they talked to each other, that anything outside of the norm, anything being broadcast, and we have to also remember that broadcasting itself was only like 40 or 50 years old then.
01:09:12.000So this is a fairly new medium, right?
01:09:15.000And anything that was even remotely just outside of what the accepted standard operating way of behaving was, was considered decadent and racy and this dirty Lenny.
01:09:31.000He would talk about things that you're not supposed to talk about that.
01:09:36.000But today, that same stuff has already been, he opened the door, Richard Pryor kicked it down, lit it on fire, Eddie Murphy nuclear bombed it, and then it kept going on, and Kenison and Hicks, and there's nothing there anymore.
01:09:49.000There's no shame in any of these subjects anymore.
01:09:51.000There's no built-in weirdness to it that he experienced back then.
01:09:56.000And he would have never been able to do comedy any differently.
01:09:59.000I think that's also what we need to understand.
01:10:01.000As if, like, Eddie Murphy went back to 1960 and did his same kind of material that he did in Raw, they wouldn't take, it wouldn't, everybody would be like, he's yelling at us.
01:11:41.000Yeah, but when you see all those great things that he could do, like his stagecraft, I guess you would call it, the things he could do, he could really hold the stage.
01:11:49.000And in today's world where it's pretty much everyone's low-key, that's kind of like the new style of low-key, whatever.
01:11:55.000That to me always, he was like a force of nature.
01:12:23.000So when people talk about Roseanne and say bad things about her, I'm like, you really are doing everyone a disservice by expressing this, the way you're doing it.
01:12:33.000Because you're not even taking into consideration.
01:12:35.000Everything she does, you should take into consideration.
01:12:37.000She had a significant brain, a massive trauma to the brain when she was like 15 years old.
01:12:44.000Her head bounced off of the fender of a fucking car.
01:15:16.000But you know, Roseanne, before her show, when she went from comedy to her show, and once again, it was, you know, like, her act was her show.
01:15:26.000And, like, that was one thing that, like, Right.
01:15:49.000He would, like, totally, like, have these great jokes about his family and his wife and the expectations of their relationship.
01:15:55.000And then that became the essence of that show.
01:15:58.000So then you see, like, everybody, you remember, there was definitely a decade of, like, agents going, like, hey, you gotta get, like, you know, you know, did you have a dog growing up?
01:16:06.000Do a joke about that, you know, and, like, try and get a sitcom going on that thing.
01:16:38.000And then two, I did a really shitty one first.
01:16:40.000A one that should have been really funny, but then too many people got involved and it got too convoluted and fucked up and it just didn't work.
01:19:09.000Well, you could do it for a few months, but the time you're filming, you're going to be stuck in L.A. And then on top of that, especially back then, when you start out a sitcom, you're doing 12-hour days until you figure out how to do it.
01:21:11.000But anyway, one of the big things was a contestant got in a turkey pen and we put maple syrup all over him and he rolled around and these birds pecked at him.
01:21:22.000And his family's there watching and he starts bleeding and I stopped the thing and the producers were mad.
01:21:31.000I go, and it was just a total disaster.
01:21:34.000You could tell it was going to be a big hit, but it was risky.
01:21:37.000And then I remember going to Jimmy Kimmel's, like, premiere party for Jimmy Kimmel Live, and I saw the head of ABC there, and I'd never done this in my entire life.
01:21:47.000He was, like, getting a drink, and I walked over, and I said, please don't pick it up.
01:23:13.000First of all, there's a certain amount of risk that you take whenever you're doing anything like jumping a car off of a building roof, which we did.
01:23:19.000We had people fly cars across a train, a moving train.
01:26:00.000You know, can I, you know, because I wanted to ask you this off the mic, but it's like, I seem to be getting more out of pull-ups and just regular calisthenics than I am out of the kettlebell experience.
01:26:10.000I think it's because, like, maybe I'm just more into it now, you know?
01:26:13.000Well, there's definitely no better exercise for you than pull-ups and push-ups.
01:27:11.000I do sets of ten, and I don't do any more than ten, and I do them multiple times a day.
01:27:17.000Like, I have a chin-up bar in my house, so I'll walk in, and I'll just jump up and do a set of ten.
01:27:21.000And I've found that, like, the one thing that's helped my squeeze, like, with jujitsu and with being able to pick my body and just move around better, is to just do them randomly throughout the day.
01:30:10.000I've done one of those high-intensity interval training things at a yoga place, too, where you do some yoga and some really light weights, but all these crazy little exercises.
01:34:49.000I ate in the car coming to your studio today, and the first thing I said to Jeff, who answered the door, was, is there anything to eat around here?
01:36:37.000I ate everything because I just wanted calories.
01:36:39.000But the problem with cookies and stuff like that is like, you can eat them, but you just can't make a habit of eating them all the time or it will fuck you up.
01:42:32.000You know, this is what I eat, and I know that if I don't do this, they're going to die of either starvation or disease, or they're going to be ripped apart asshole-first by coyotes.
01:42:41.000Like, this is not a good end for them, no matter what.
01:42:44.000And me shooting them is probably the best end they're ever going to get.
01:43:27.000Well, you think about it like this was an intense life or death moment in life, like this circle of life, food chain moment in life that I participated in, and now I'm eating it.
01:43:38.000So I know exactly what the food is, as opposed to going to Morton's, get a nice steak, and get some mashed potatoes.
01:43:44.000I don't know where the fuck they grew that potato.
01:43:46.000I don't know where that cow came from.
01:45:36.000Like, say if you're in Los Angeles, right?
01:45:37.000You leave from Los Angeles, and, you know, you're here in 2018, and you're driving around.
01:45:43.000This is the way people live over here, and this is how people are in traffic, and this is how people are when they come to the comedy store and all these different places.
01:45:49.000And then you go to Tokyo, you go, oh, wow.
01:45:51.000This is also people in 2018 that are living at the exact same time, but they're doing it totally differently.
01:47:30.000And it's fascinating how they do the show.
01:47:33.000But what's interesting about Japanese culture in the show is you see the fancy class, the aristocratic class of Japan runs essentially San Francisco.
01:47:48.000And you see how they're very snobby and very particular and they don't really like to mix with the Americans.
01:48:50.000You know what's interesting, too, is you can still do that in a movie where you can still play Nazis as long as they're, you know, the bad people and some historical thing or something that's going on now.
01:49:06.000That's really the only way you could portray Nazis.
01:49:09.000Like, you're not allowed to be a Nazi for Halloween.
01:50:20.000People were offended that there was an Anne Frank Halloween costume.
01:50:24.000Now, if the point of talking about the Holocaust or something like that is never forget, and a 14-year-old, in a non-mocking way, wants to embody Anne Frank, why is that offensive?
01:52:08.000When I was a 13-year-old kid in Hebrew school, or grade school, learning about the First Amendment, This is one of the reasons I became a comedian was because I used to just draw swastikas on my notebooks just because I knew I could.
01:52:23.000I was like, they would teach us about dictatorships and I would go, wow, so in any other country they can't do this and I would just do it, make myself smile and then cross it out.
01:52:33.000And I'd go, in any other country I'd get my tongue cut out.
01:52:36.000I go, that's the most beautiful thing is that you can say fucked up, terrible, you can dress like an asshole.
01:52:45.000Yeah, and that was what one of the, you remember the Yale uprising a couple years back?
01:52:51.000There was a guy, Nicholas, Greek name, and his wife, they were at Yale, and the wife sent out an email saying that we need to stop policing people's costumes, Halloween costumes.
01:53:38.000It was so bizarre and strange and hostile and he was just trapped out there with these nonsensical kids screaming at him that he's racist and this whole thing is racist and he shouldn't be able to wear whatever costume you want.
01:53:53.000No one even specified what we're talking about.
01:54:13.000This woke thing, like, my niece and nephew are going to college, you know, they're going to get ready to go to college, and I'm like, oh, God, this is going to be so difficult, you know, because they're going to come out of this machine, you know, pretty much looking at me as, like, you know, pretty much I'm already not that relevant,
01:54:29.000but, like, just, like, all of my references and stuff like that are just going to be so, you know, inappropriate, you know?
01:54:35.000And it's like, when you go to college, you're supposed to go to the open your mind, not to really focus your opinion that you already have, so...
01:54:42.000That's what I felt was like, I felt like, everybody's like, I don't want to play a college show, and we're all dreading the day when we have to play a show like that, where everybody there has that groupthink.
01:55:27.000They don't see the irony or the sarcasm in it.
01:55:29.000The sense of humor in this country has never been lower, and I can say that as, like, what Jeff's talking about, like, when we were little kids, like, Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein.
01:55:37.000These movies that, like, everybody was watching them, enjoying them, and stuff like that.
01:55:41.000Now they have all these hidden meanings, and people look into that, and I'm like, you know, it was, like, just a fun time, you know?
01:55:47.000It was just like a It wasn't like that was the template for how to live.
01:55:53.000Well, I think you can bounce back, but I think what's happening now is there's a certain number of people that want to be able to change the way other people talk and what they talk about.
01:56:03.000Because they're ultra-sensitive, so they have this giant reaction to things that may or may not be relevant.
01:56:09.000And it's a debate whether or not it's relevant.
01:57:03.000The difference in the way people saw the world that had to deal with an actual world war to this soft, pampered-ass life we're living.
01:57:11.000I don't condone racism, but I understand why people hold grudges.
01:57:16.000If you went over to Vietnam and lost half your fucking friends and you came back over here and you're fucked up still because of it, I don't condone racism, but I think that...
01:57:25.000Anytime you're forced into a situation where your country is at war with another side, it's probably really hard for people to forgive people.
01:57:33.000That was one of the things that someone said about the Japanese.
01:57:37.000I'm not really too thrilled with Americans.
01:57:39.000I said, well, how do you think you'd feel?
01:57:42.000If you were showing up 40 years after someone had literally nuked your country twice, just annihilated hundreds of thousands of people with one bomb, made shadows on the concrete of where someone's body used to be,
01:59:57.000But how many years do you think the public would have kept him in?
02:00:00.000Like, see, if you had a guy like Barack Obama, how many years, if they just let him go, until he doesn't want to do it anymore, until we don't want him to do it anymore, how many years do you think he can keep doing it?
02:00:10.000Man, he might be able to do it for four or five terms.
02:00:15.000Especially if it showed that his policies were working, because, you know, a lot of these policies, economic policies, they take years in order to see real-world benefits.
02:00:23.000Look, if you take the actual campaigning out of it, you know, they're really only president for two years, because it's like they're campaigning on the way in, and then they're campaigning on the way out, and it's like, you know, that's for all of our government, and, like, we're all, like, I guess victims of that.
02:00:38.000Callan was trying to explain it the other day about the amount of time that a congressman or senator or any politician spends raising money versus the amount of time that they spend actually doing their job.
02:01:16.000If we had to go where the three of us had to show up where politicians have to show up to raise money, you'd be screaming at your agent going, are you fucking kidding me?
02:03:15.000We have a very short attention span in this country, and we expect results.
02:03:20.000And that's why, in the news cycle, the way it is now, it's like...
02:03:23.000Have you ever been in a hotel where you watch...
02:03:26.000For some reason you're caught in like the three or four hour news cycle where you see the same story and whatever and then there's like one more detail and then they'll like start it up again and you're like wow you know any minute I'm gonna get a phone call because now I could be a panelist I know everything you know you know We figured it out.
02:05:54.000Yeah, that was definitely a local news moment, because I was in New York, and my mom goes, turn on the TV, and then we could see the coverage right there.
02:06:01.000So it's like, that was before the web, where you could go like, okay, I'm going to get deeper into this.
02:06:06.000It was like waiting on the next bit of information.
02:06:10.000I was laying in bed in New York, and I found out from the great newscaster, Ralphie May, who was screaming into my answering machine, calling me the N-word, wake up!
02:13:42.000By the way, a 50-year-old boxer looks at this actor, Pretty Boy, and it's like when they brought, what's his name, out of the box in Pulp Fiction.
02:13:57.000See, the thing is, there's such a giant difference between learning how to box and being a good athlete, like he clearly is, and being Roy Jones Jr. The gap is so wide.
02:14:10.000It's like, if I did a movie about playing basketball...
02:14:15.000And then I wanted to, you know, play a one-on-one versus Kobe Bryant.
02:14:18.000You know, I've been playing this movie for a couple years, man.
02:15:17.000It's one thing if you're like a top-level pro right now, and you feel like you would have gotten knocked out by Roy in his prime, but you can give him a go right now.
02:16:53.000Do you actually give him any chance to beat you now, even though you are 49, Roy?
02:16:58.000I know he can't beat me still because, I mean I know he's probably in better condition because he's younger and he probably thinks he can go longer and probably thinks he might be able to even outwork me now.
02:17:16.000So I want him to understand what boxing is.
02:17:18.000So I'm not out there to just take him out right away because then you don't get the experience of the boxing match.
02:17:22.000I'm a professional like I am, and I know he's big and strong because he got stronger for the movie, then I should be able to board all that, take him in the deep water so he understands what a boxing match really is.
02:17:32.000When he comes out, he don't go out and say, oh, I got knocked out the first round, so I don't know.
02:19:45.000Now, obviously, we know it was a horrible thing and you should do whatever you can to stop them because they're going to kill everybody no matter what.
02:20:52.000You could step up thinking you're Billy Badass and this guy is some trained martial artist who smashes your face in and cuts you up with a box cutter.
02:28:08.000Maybe I can get my kid out when he's three instead of watching him die at 15. Yeah, and have opportunity.
02:28:14.000I mean, that's what everybody wanted that came here in the first place.
02:28:17.000It's just, at this point, if you're a poor person from Guatemala, I mean, how hard is it to immigrate to America if you don't have any skills, you have a very short education?
02:28:26.000It's got to be really fucking hard to become a U.S. citizen.
02:30:37.000I got along with him all day, rehearsals, and then whatever, when that band kicked in and the lights were in the roll and the audience was cheering.
02:30:44.000Yeah, he really, I don't know if he was asking for more money or what the fuck was going on.
02:33:40.000I would assume that all those predators have to be smart.
02:33:42.000They have to be ruthless and smart to get along.
02:33:46.000If you're out there picking up squirrels and rats and shit like they're doing, they're just firebombing out of the sky, snatching things up.
02:33:52.000From angles that only they understand.
02:33:54.000My friend Tom was in his backyard, sitting down, having a cup of coffee, and he saw a dove land on top of his fence, and then out of nowhere, this hawk just...
02:35:05.000Look, I'm sure he's a smart guy, and I'm sure he's a great athlete, and I'm sure he probably knows how to box a little bit, but if you kind of box a guy like Roy Jones Jr., you know what you do?
02:35:14.000You start in the amateurs, and you learn how to box, and then you become a professional, and then one day you box Roy Jones Jr. Like Paul Newman in the race cars.
02:35:50.000Yeah, where they were hitting him, and he tried to turn his head at the last minute, but he didn't turn it quick enough, and he got clipped and dropped.
02:35:57.000Maybe that's why he knows he can take a punch now.
02:35:59.000Maybe that's giving him the confidence.
02:37:25.000The key is that he was turning his head into it, and he didn't think it was coming, and he took it right on the jaw.
02:37:32.000Let's see it again, because I didn't see any hit for any of that.
02:37:35.000This guy, what he's doing is, they're choreographing how the sequence is going to go, and somewhere along the line, either it was a miscalculation or a mistake was made by Michael B. Jordan.
02:37:46.000See, he fucked up, and he turned into it, and that guy is throwing, like, I mean, even though it's not the most powerful punch in the world.
02:38:06.000So even though he's only doing it like this, even though he's only doing that, if you run into it and he catches you right in the chin, you're going out.
02:39:20.000If Roy Jones Jr. just gets you into the third, fourth, and fifth round, and all your adrenaline dump is gone, because you're not used to boxing a world-class boxer in a professional match that's on pay-per-view that millions of people are watching, you're not used to that experience.
02:39:43.000So then around that second round comes in, you start heaving, and you can't breathe that good, and you're just kind of like, Roy's just kind of boxing you.
02:40:20.000But Joan said that he says, yeah, he probably can go long and hard on me because he's all trained up.
02:40:25.000But do you think he would come at him like full tilt in the first round or two and just like really like take him to school, you know, like beat him down?
02:43:44.000Because during the stare-down, Peter McNeely signed up for that fight knowing that he's a tough guy who's going to take a fucking vicious beating.
02:44:22.000If you're looking at that, and you know you're about to fight by Tyson, and he's smiling, and trying to, like, he's trying to, like, make light of it.
02:50:38.000He made me pretend he was half an hour late, even though I was ten minutes late.
02:50:43.000He had a whole bit worked out where I had to go in the studio and just wait and talk to myself, basically, that he has to come in pretending he's late.
02:51:47.000And just, I'm up there, I'm doing my 10th, 5th, 12th minute opening, and through the darkness, this guy I kind of recognized from like, you know, news articles was Club Soda Kenny.
02:51:58.000He comes through the darkness with a note.
02:52:00.000It's Friday night, and the note just says, please welcome the undisputed king of comedy, Andrew Dice Clay.
02:52:07.000So as I read it, and the place goes...
02:52:39.000And Ray was, that was when Ray was just, he had done HBO, he'd done something on HBO, but he was just a machine, man.
02:52:47.000People didn't realize how, I mean, I feel like he's one of those guys that people don't talk about when they talk about great stand-up comics because he hasn't put a lot of stuff out there in a long time ever since Everybody Loves Raymond.
02:53:00.000You know, a lot of stuff as far as his stand-up.
02:53:02.000He just shot a Netflix special at the Cellar, too.
02:55:13.000Now you get to do stand-up on the spot, roast battle, main room, OR, and whatever you'd figure out in the parking lot, and then a podcast in the basement.
02:55:24.000You could literally, if you put a gym in there, you'd probably never leave.
02:55:28.000You literally could do everything in that place.
02:55:30.000You could do three, I've done three shows, no, I've done four shows in a night.
02:55:33.000Because one night I did two sets in the main room, one set in the belly room, and one set in the OR. Because there was two shows.
02:58:40.000Our first episode ends with Dave just looking in the camera and being like, our next episode starts at 5, 4, 3. I heard that you gotta see the new Mike Judge animated show about country music called I'm With The Band?