The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1220

00:00:00.000 Act like there is.

00:00:01.000 I assume there is.

00:00:03.000 Yeah, always assume.

00:00:05.000 Woo!

00:00:06.000 Merry Christmas, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:08.000 Merry Christmas.

00:00:09.000 Happy New Year.

00:00:09.000 Merry Christmas.

00:00:10.000 It's fucking on.

00:00:11.000 You understand me?

00:00:12.000 It's Christmas Eve.

00:00:13.000 You thought it was going to be ho-hum?

00:00:14.000 Fuck you.

00:00:16.000 Uncle Joey, Joe Rogan here, fucking live, Christmas Eve.

00:00:20.000 Talking about bugs in your house and how easy it is for the feds.

00:00:23.000 They don't need to bug your house anymore.

00:00:25.000 They just use your phone.

00:00:26.000 They just turn them on.

00:00:27.000 Jamie, tell them what you were telling me about the AirPods.

00:00:31.000 Oh, yeah.

00:00:32.000 There's a new setting on the new operating system where your AirPods, you turn on this thing called Live Listen, and it's listening to the microphone on your iPhone.

00:00:43.000 So you can leave your phone in a room, walk out, and you just made your own bug.

00:00:48.000 But that means that anybody that can then access your phone could probably also listen if they have access to that.

00:00:53.000 I don't know how strong...

00:00:55.000 But they've already said, like, if you talk to anybody that knows what's possible with electronics, they're going to already turn your microphone on anytime they want.

00:01:02.000 Bro, when I was a kid, I grew up in that bookmaker shit, and there were certain bookmakers that wouldn't talk in a room that there was a phone in the room.

00:01:10.000 Smart ones.

00:01:11.000 In the 70s.

00:01:12.000 They would not talk, not on the phone, but if there was a phone in the room, they would leave the room.

00:01:18.000 Yeah.

00:01:19.000 And I used to go, these guys are super paranoid.

00:01:21.000 They were 30 years ahead of their time.

00:01:23.000 Well, you remember how they got Vince in the chin.

00:01:25.000 They started bugging cars along the way where he would walk.

00:01:28.000 He would walk with his bathrobe like he was crazy, and he would give everybody instructions, and he would do it on his walk so he couldn't get bugged anywhere.

00:01:35.000 So they started bugging the cars along his walk route.

00:01:39.000 That's how they got them.

00:01:39.000 And they get you with the mic?

00:01:41.000 Yeah.

00:01:42.000 With the same microphone they use in the NFL when you hear all those tackles and grunts.

00:01:48.000 In the old days, I don't know whether the parabolic mic takes vibrations from glass.

00:01:54.000 Yeah.

00:01:55.000 So I could just point this laser at your glass with speakers on, and it'll take whatever you're saying in a room and bounce it off the glass.

00:02:03.000 I've heard it.

00:02:03.000 There's a recording of it.

00:02:04.000 This is in the fucking 80s, so by now it's world class.

00:02:08.000 They're listening to everything.

00:02:10.000 Anything and everything.

00:02:12.000 When I go in a bathroom on a plane, you have to assume they're watching you.

00:02:16.000 Like I used to go in there and do Blast of Coke.

00:02:18.000 I would always pull my pants down, go through the whole process like I was shitting.

00:02:23.000 I wasn't really shitting.

00:02:25.000 I just always thought there was a camera there.

00:02:27.000 Well, you're probably correct.

00:02:30.000 I've heard things that are just horrid about Vegas in the 80s, how they had cameras in rooms.

00:02:36.000 Well, Vegas in the 80s was all mob rubs.

00:02:38.000 Vegas in the bathrooms have cameras, so as soon as you do a blast, you come out within 10 minutes, the cops are around you.

00:02:46.000 When did the mob officially get out of Vegas?

00:02:50.000 The mob is still in Vegas, just in short spurts.

00:02:53.000 It's crazy.

00:02:54.000 I was in New York last week, and I realized how much construction was going on.

00:02:59.000 And I thought to myself, how much of that is the mob still getting?

00:03:04.000 They had a tax for years, 2%.

00:03:06.000 So if it's a $300 million job, do the math on that.

00:03:11.000 You make a big chunk on that.

00:03:15.000 You know, Trump didn't get rich because the construction business is huge.

00:03:19.000 And you go to New York, you know, I can't give you accurate numbers because I don't know what numbers are.

00:03:26.000 But look what the average is for a square foot of concrete in New York and look what the average is in Iowa.

00:03:33.000 I was reading something about that.

00:03:35.000 The square foot of concrete.

00:03:36.000 To build a building in New York.

00:03:38.000 It's insane.

00:03:39.000 The concrete is fucking insane.

00:03:41.000 Because so many hands are getting fucking greased.

00:03:41.000 It's so much money.

00:03:44.000 You know, you don't pay a job, okay?

00:03:47.000 So you don't pay.

00:03:48.000 It's like that one episode of The Sopranos.

00:03:50.000 So what I do is break your balls.

00:03:52.000 You're a GC. You don't want to pay me my money.

00:03:55.000 I sent somebody from the union down there.

00:03:55.000 That's fine.

00:03:58.000 And instead of me doing this, come on through.

00:04:00.000 I gotta stop you.

00:04:02.000 I gotta take your book.

00:04:03.000 I gotta call the union to see if you're paid up with your dues.

00:04:06.000 We check your tire pressure.

00:04:09.000 Let's count the windows on the truck.

00:04:11.000 Pretty soon you got 30 trucks backed up.

00:04:14.000 And you're not making any money.

00:04:16.000 That's how they'd shake you down.

00:04:17.000 That's the shakedown.

00:04:19.000 Oh, you pay me.

00:04:20.000 Okay, the trucks go through.

00:04:21.000 Don't worry about what's on them.

00:04:23.000 We don't care who the driver is.

00:04:25.000 We don't care if he's union or non-union.

00:04:27.000 It's such a dirty business at that level.

00:04:30.000 That's the shakedown.

00:04:32.000 So Trump would be the GC on the job.

00:04:34.000 You pay, your job runs smooth.

00:04:36.000 You don't pay.

00:04:38.000 So 2% of it went to the mob, the concrete tax.

00:04:41.000 Then they had another 2% right off the top.

00:04:44.000 To bid rigging.

00:04:46.000 Bid rigging.

00:04:47.000 Bid rigging, where we give it to Joe Rogan.

00:04:51.000 No matter what the price is, we inflate the price.

00:04:54.000 Even though Jamie comes in $3 million cheaper.

00:04:58.000 I'm going to give Joe Rogan that three and two more.

00:05:01.000 Joe Rogan's going to kick that two to me.

00:05:05.000 And we're going to do the job at that $3 million profit plus.

00:05:09.000 I'm going to take 2% off the top of that $3 million.

00:05:12.000 You know what I noticed when I was a kid, when I was working construction?

00:05:15.000 One of the first things I noticed, it's one of the weird businesses that's run almost exclusively by men, like manly men.

00:05:24.000 Like the construction guys were burly dudes with big fucking hands.

00:05:29.000 They worked hard and they were like, these were like rough guys, but they were running a big business.

00:05:37.000 It's like all these other businesses, if you think about businesses, if you think about computers, you don't think about rugged, burly guys.

00:05:45.000 But computers and construction are just as common.

00:05:48.000 Everybody needs a computer.

00:05:50.000 Everybody needs a house.

00:05:51.000 Construction's everywhere.

00:05:52.000 It's a gigantic business.

00:05:54.000 And it's run, at least back in Boston, when I was working as a laborer, it was run by these big savages.

00:06:01.000 They're fucking big, dangerous guys.

00:06:04.000 But it's gotten more diverse now because the unions have made you hire more women.

00:06:08.000 When I was an electrician, like three months in, there was a female supervisor who knew her shit.

00:06:16.000 Her dad, you know?

00:06:17.000 Her dad was an electrician.

00:06:19.000 When she was a kid, that was a fucking day job.

00:06:22.000 And men had a tough time working for her.

00:06:25.000 I clicked with her.

00:06:27.000 She was easy.

00:06:28.000 She would leave me the fuck alone.

00:06:30.000 Sometimes men just have a real hard time with a woman.

00:06:34.000 Me, I didn't mind at all.

00:06:36.000 I didn't give a fuck.

00:06:36.000 I liked her.

00:06:37.000 If someone's great at their job, they're great at their job.

00:06:40.000 They're great at their job.

00:06:41.000 I don't give a fuck what their gender is.

00:06:43.000 That's a weird thing that a lot of guys have, right?

00:06:46.000 Female trainers.

00:06:48.000 Female trainers.

00:06:49.000 A lot of people won't go for that.

00:06:51.000 You know who's got a female trainer?

00:06:52.000 Yoel Romero.

00:06:54.000 One of the best motherfuckers of all time.

00:06:57.000 What is she training him in?

00:06:58.000 I don't know, man.

00:06:58.000 Strength and conditioning.

00:07:00.000 She was strength and conditioning training him in this video I was watching.

00:07:03.000 Busting his ass.

00:07:04.000 That guy's super savage.

00:07:07.000 Make sure I'm right about that.

00:07:09.000 Make sure I'm right about that.

00:07:10.000 Because if it's not Yoel, it's someone equally savage.

00:07:13.000 Someone who's just a fucking super alpha.

00:07:16.000 I mean, no one's a super alpha like Yoel.

00:07:18.000 When we had him in the podcast, I was looking at him sitting there.

00:07:21.000 I was like, this guy is built.

00:07:22.000 He's not even a real person.

00:07:23.000 It took me 12 hours to get over him.

00:07:26.000 I remember that night we both had spots at the store.

00:07:29.000 And I pulled you aside and I go, what do you really think?

00:07:33.000 What do you really think?

00:07:35.000 I mean, is this guy shooting D-ball?

00:07:37.000 Or is this something that just...

00:07:38.000 I think it's genetics.

00:07:39.000 I think he has super freak genetics.

00:07:42.000 Well, when we went to eat, I went to New York last week.

00:07:45.000 I purposely went to La Sorrentina.

00:07:48.000 It's a restaurant, Northburg, run by this dude named Jocko.

00:07:51.000 Jesus Christ, the spaghetti with the tiny meatballs.

00:07:54.000 I couldn't even finish it.

00:07:55.000 But one of his waiters was a wrestler.

00:07:58.000 Came over in a raft, listened to the podcast, and And he was saying how he wasn't that good.

00:08:04.000 He was on the bottom floor.

00:08:06.000 He ate the scraps.

00:08:08.000 And he, but he goes, yeah, I know you well from back there.

00:08:11.000 Just last week.

00:08:12.000 Think about the other super athletes that have come out of Cuba that have gotten into MMA and boxing.

00:08:17.000 Okay.

00:08:18.000 Hector Lombard.

00:08:20.000 Dude, a lot of people, they might look at Hector Lombard because of some of his tough fights that he had in the UFC later in his career.

00:08:27.000 But if you go back and watch Hector Lombard when he was running shit in Bellator, those were probably his prime years.

00:08:35.000 He was the champion in Bellator.

00:08:37.000 I mean fucking smashing people!

00:08:40.000 Smashing people!

00:08:41.000 At 185 pounds.

00:08:43.000 And then he came over to the UFC. He fought 185, but there's a big-ass 185s in the UFC, man.

00:08:49.000 I mean, Hector is...

00:08:50.000 What do you think?

00:08:51.000 He's 5'9"?

00:08:53.000 Really?

00:08:54.000 No.

00:08:55.000 No.

00:08:56.000 I think he's either my height or...

00:08:59.000 I'm 5'8".

00:09:00.000 He's either my height or he's an inch taller.

00:09:02.000 But he's just...

00:09:04.000 So jacked!

00:09:05.000 When he was smashing people early in his career, man, I always wanted to get him in the UFC. I was like, this guy needs to come over.

00:09:12.000 He's so athletic, man.

00:09:15.000 And he's a judo player.

00:09:17.000 Look how jacked Hector is!

00:09:21.000 He was a judo player for Cuba.

00:09:23.000 But I'm telling you, man, you could take all the steroids in the world.

00:09:27.000 You're not going to move like this guy moves.

00:09:31.000 Josh Barnett told me that Hector Lombard, when he went to the gym, could just do muscle-up after muscle-up.

00:09:37.000 He never even trained it before.

00:09:39.000 Jamie will tell you it's fucking hard to do a muscle-up.

00:09:41.000 He just grabs that bar.

00:09:44.000 He's a super athlete.

00:09:47.000 He's just had a lot of really, really rough fights against the best fighters in the world.

00:09:52.000 And I really think that some of his best fights, you could say maybe he was tested more, and I think he certainly was tested more here in the UFC than he was in Bellator.

00:10:02.000 Certainly the caliber of competition is far greater.

00:10:04.000 But I also think fighters have a window of opportunity for the most part, for most of them.

00:10:10.000 There's exceptions where they can extend that window.

00:10:14.000 The experts seem to think the window's around nine years.

00:10:17.000 This is not a number that I invented.

00:10:19.000 I don't think so.

00:10:20.000 But it's a number that I agree with.

00:10:21.000 In terms of the best you have, you might be able to do it for nine years.

00:10:26.000 The longevity of an NFL running back is three and a half years, which blew my mind.

00:10:31.000 That's crazy.

00:10:32.000 That blew my mind.

00:10:33.000 Then I started thinking about it.

00:10:36.000 I thought about all the greats.

00:10:38.000 I thought about Earl Campbell, Jim Brown.

00:10:40.000 I thought about those guys.

00:10:41.000 I thought about their injuries.

00:10:43.000 How lucky you have to be.

00:10:45.000 Okay, now the UFC as a fighter, how many people actually did fight in the UFC for nine years straight so far?

00:10:53.000 A lot!

00:10:54.000 There's been quite a few.

00:10:55.000 A lot!

00:10:56.000 But at the same time, there's been a lot of guys that have had great potential, and by the fourth or fifth fight, they've moved on.

00:11:06.000 Well, you know, everybody's different.

00:11:09.000 This is the thing.

00:11:10.000 Everybody's different in terms of their ability to recuperate.

00:11:12.000 Everybody's different in terms of their style.

00:11:14.000 Some guys just don't take much damage.

00:11:16.000 Some, like Ben Askren, perfect example.

00:11:19.000 Never fought in the UFC, but when you watch him fight in these other organizations, the thing that's most interesting is that he doesn't take any damage.

00:11:25.000 You could say he's boring if you want to.

00:11:28.000 I don't think it's boring.

00:11:29.000 I think it's super high-level wrestling.

00:11:32.000 And you need to see how that shit would fly against the best in the world.

00:11:36.000 I mean, that's why he's here now.

00:11:37.000 I'm very excited about this, but he's a perfect example of, like, he doesn't have any problems.

00:11:43.000 That guy's been fighting for a long time.

00:11:44.000 You talk to him, he's as lucid as they come.

00:11:46.000 He's articulate, he's very smart, very well educated, reads books all the time.

00:11:50.000 He'll send me recommendations for books.

00:11:53.000 Very, very interesting guy.

00:11:55.000 So you got those guys who, like, he could do it for a long fucking time because he's not taking a beating.

00:12:00.000 When you start taking a beating, man, sometimes guys try to get back in there too soon and they're still hurting from a fight, like a really bad knockout.

00:12:12.000 Or just sometimes even just getting beaten up, even if you don't get stopped, like you incur more damage that way, you know, in a long ass fight than you would in a quick KO, you know?

00:12:24.000 Like in Glory, you know Joseph Valtellini, do you ever know that guy, Bazooka Joe?

00:12:30.000 He was their champion and he won the title against Mark Devont after the fight couldn't fight again.

00:12:35.000 His concussions were so bad, he couldn't look at the light from an iPhone charger, like a laptop charger.

00:12:43.000 The little light from that thing would be blinding to him.

00:12:46.000 He had to be like in a dark room for three weeks.

00:12:49.000 CBD oil brought him out of it.

00:12:50.000 When I think of fighters and what happens during a fight, I go back all the way to Bernard Hopkins against Felix Trinidad.

00:12:59.000 Because you brought it up to my attention.

00:13:01.000 I never even knew about that world.

00:13:03.000 He never came back.

00:13:05.000 Never was the same.

00:13:07.000 Who's the guy that went the distance that's now in Bellator?

00:13:11.000 Fights out of GSP's camp.

00:13:15.000 Really tough guy.

00:13:17.000 Went five rounds with fucking, what's his name, and Rory McDonald.

00:13:22.000 Rory, yes.

00:13:23.000 Rory, after that fight that he had, he was never really the same type of fighter.

00:13:28.000 The Robbie Lawler fight?

00:13:28.000 The Robbie Lawler fight.

00:13:30.000 Fights affect you in different ways.

00:13:31.000 The beating you take.

00:13:33.000 Affects you in different ways.

00:13:35.000 I want to see what the kid that Edson Barbosa fights with next time, how he comes out.

00:13:42.000 He took a ferocious beating against Edgar Edson.

00:13:45.000 Yeah, that last fight before Al Akinta and Kevin Lee.

00:13:49.000 See, but Rory, I gotta disagree because after that fight, he looked fucking phenomenal in Bellator.

00:13:55.000 Who was his first fight in Bellator?

00:13:57.000 Was it Paul Daly?

00:14:00.000 He fought...

00:14:01.000 But then the next fight he didn't do well.

00:14:02.000 Lima's a beast, though, dude.

00:14:04.000 Yeah, Lima's a beast.

00:14:05.000 Lima's a monster, man.

00:14:07.000 Douglas Lima's a fucking straight-up killer.

00:14:09.000 You know, and in comedy sometimes...

00:14:11.000 Was it Paul Daly?

00:14:12.000 Yeah.

00:14:12.000 So he manhandled Paul Daly.

00:14:14.000 It was a very smart fight because he fought really well on his feet first, threatened Daly a little bit on his feet, and then took him down and dominated him on the ground.

00:14:14.000 Right.

00:14:20.000 And it was a very impressive win.

00:14:23.000 But then he fought...

00:14:24.000 See, fighting Mousasi...

00:14:27.000 Think was probably not the but you know you never know you know you got to test yourself There's only one way to do that and he knows better than anybody mean the guys in it to test himself Now he knows that he can't beat Musashi at least at this point in his life Yeah, but he's a smart kid then he's he's an animal to me that guy is so I just thought that a lot of times after battles People don't come back the same.

00:14:52.000 I agree on some of them, but I don't agree with him.

00:14:55.000 The guy from Texas that took GSP to the fucking zoo and fought him all over there.

00:15:01.000 He never came.

00:15:01.000 Yeah.

00:15:02.000 You know, some people give it all you got.

00:15:04.000 Yep.

00:15:05.000 That give it all you got moment.

00:15:07.000 It's how to react after that.

00:15:09.000 What's going to happen?

00:15:10.000 How is Kevin Lee going to come back against Iaquinta?

00:15:13.000 You always have those questions, which is a great fight, by the way.

00:15:17.000 Amazing fight.

00:15:17.000 You know, the fight I was most excited about this weekend was Michael Chiesa, Carlos Conduit.

00:15:24.000 Right, it's a good fight.

00:15:25.000 Let's see what Carlos Condu, you know, Carlos Condu has been around for a long fucking time.

00:15:29.000 His name is Condit, but...

00:15:31.000 He knows I'm his brother and I'm one of his biggest fans.

00:15:31.000 Condit.

00:15:34.000 And if I was in the mafia, I'd hire him from the UFC a long time ago.

00:15:38.000 Because he's an assassin.

00:15:40.000 He's like a real-life John Wick.

00:15:42.000 You just give him a gun with a silencer and a pencil and let him do the rest.

00:15:47.000 Go down there.

00:15:47.000 You could switch his mind quick with $600,000 a week.

00:15:50.000 I want to say that his UFC... Was it his debut against Brock Larson?

00:15:55.000 Was that his debut or was that in the WEC? I feel like that was in the WEC. I feel like his debut was against...

00:16:02.000 Shit.

00:16:10.000 Was it Jake?

00:16:15.000 Martin Campman was his debut?

00:16:16.000 That's what I thought.

00:16:18.000 In Nashville.

00:16:20.000 They fought in Nashville.

00:16:22.000 He fought Jake Ellenberger too, right?

00:16:24.000 Oh, that was Jake Ellenberger's first fight in the UFC. Yeah.

00:16:29.000 Dude, Jake Ellenberger was another one, man.

00:16:31.000 Super fucking dangerous for a long time, man.

00:16:34.000 You ever see before he fought in the UFC when he knocked out Pele with one punch?

00:16:37.000 Let me tell you something.

00:16:38.000 He caught a beating in my office.

00:16:40.000 About three weeks ago, he came into my office.

00:16:43.000 He's the nicest guy in the world.

00:16:44.000 I heard you dosed him up.

00:16:46.000 I gave him a bong hit of the shit that was 31%.

00:16:49.000 He couldn't answer questions.

00:16:51.000 Oh, no!

00:16:52.000 Dog, it was like fucking...

00:16:54.000 He's the best.

00:16:55.000 The poor bastard.

00:16:56.000 He didn't know how to drive home.

00:16:58.000 Yeah, folks.

00:16:58.000 He Ubered home.

00:17:00.000 Nada was not around.

00:17:01.000 Vodka was not around.

00:17:03.000 It would have broke their system for a week.

00:17:05.000 If you think Brock Lesnar's system disappeared in the fucking system, whatever, oh my god, poor Jake Ellenberger.

00:17:11.000 We took him deep, deep.

00:17:12.000 I haven't seen it, but I've heard.

00:17:14.000 He told me, he goes, you know, I don't smoke much.

00:17:15.000 I go, I didn't do a little bong hit.

00:17:17.000 And I asked him a question after that.

00:17:19.000 He was just frustrated.

00:17:21.000 He's coming back on to redeem himself from sad.

00:17:21.000 I love him to death.

00:17:24.000 He's never smoking again, but that was his toughest battle.

00:17:28.000 Yeah, you can't.

00:17:29.000 That's too much.

00:17:30.000 Most people can't.

00:17:31.000 That's a three-foot bong.

00:17:33.000 Well, not only that, Joey.

00:17:34.000 For most people that don't do podcasts all the time, getting on your podcast is a mindfuck.

00:17:40.000 Like, I can't believe I'm here.

00:17:41.000 I'm sitting here with Uncle Joey.

00:17:43.000 Holy shit!

00:17:44.000 And then, boom!

00:17:45.000 That 30, how many percent?

00:17:47.000 31. That's so high.

00:17:49.000 That was alien OG. This is just for people that don't know the numbers.

00:17:56.000 Let's find out what the numbers actually are.

00:17:59.000 What percentage THC was marijuana in the 1970s?

00:18:04.000 I want to say it was like 8 to 10. Probably.

00:18:09.000 I'm just guessing, right?

00:18:10.000 It's so funny how...

00:18:11.000 Okay, I grew up in New York, New Jersey.

00:18:14.000 So I would go to Harlem.

00:18:16.000 And what we had available to us was Panama Red, Colombian Gold.

00:18:23.000 I could be verse of verse.

00:18:24.000 I could be wrong on the names.

00:18:26.000 And then you had from Jamaica, you had this weed called Lamb's Bread.

00:18:31.000 And then all of a sudden in the 80s, this green weed came along.

00:18:35.000 And they called it Sensimilla.

00:18:38.000 So I was copping on 148th Street then, and he would either sell you chocolate tie, which is lamb's bread, or he would sell you Sensamea, or he would put them together and call it the Master Mix.

00:18:50.000 And if you bought 10 bags of the Master Mix, you got one for free, he gave you a punch card.

00:18:55.000 This is why.

00:18:57.000 He gave you a real punch card?

00:18:59.000 Yeah, in 1982, 1983. That's hilarious.

00:19:02.000 The guy was in the middle of the corner hanging out.

00:19:03.000 And the funny thing was I went back in 85 and he looked me straight in the face and he's like, there ain't no motherfucking weed on this block no more, dog.

00:19:11.000 Crack.

00:19:12.000 Like it had just converted to crack.

00:19:14.000 But this is why watching, I told you that, watching that Narcos Mexico, those first two episodes is so important because it's like sometimes when you watch a TV show, it's really hard to believe that one day some Spanish guy that couldn't even speak English said,

00:19:30.000 hey, how come there's not three cameras here?

00:19:33.000 His name is fucking Luz Desi Arnaz.

00:19:35.000 Desi Arnaz invented the three-camera shoot.

00:19:38.000 Did you know that?

00:19:39.000 That's hilarious.

00:19:40.000 That Desilu Productions, all that shit.

00:19:42.000 He invented that?

00:19:43.000 He's the one that said, why is there eight white people sitting around?

00:19:47.000 Get two more cameras.

00:19:48.000 Let's go.

00:19:49.000 On delay.

00:19:50.000 The principal guy in Narcos this year is a character who grew weed in the desert.

00:19:59.000 I want you to think about that.

00:20:01.000 It had never been even thought of before.

00:20:02.000 But by doing that, I don't know the science, so please Joe Rogan, people don't torture me.

00:20:08.000 He eliminated the male plant to make the female stronger.

00:20:12.000 The only way you could grow that is in the desert.

00:20:14.000 So he found water in the desert.

00:20:16.000 Why is it the only way you can grow in the desert?

00:20:18.000 Something about the climate?

00:20:23.000 It's like the immaculate conception.

00:20:26.000 You get pregnant without getting pregnant, so you eliminate the male plants or something.

00:20:30.000 I do not know this.

00:20:31.000 We've got to hide this information from women.

00:20:34.000 We have to hide this information from women.

00:20:36.000 So there's no seeds, and the reefer gets stronger.

00:20:41.000 That started in the 80s.

00:20:43.000 That's why if you watch Narcos Mexico, it shows you how that whole thing started.

00:20:47.000 And they were pumping 15 metric tons a year into the United States and this shit.

00:20:52.000 So green weed became the Mexican green weed was what we started smoking.

00:20:57.000 I gotta say that average was maybe 15 then, like the strongest.

00:21:03.000 And then there's weeds now that I buy that are 21%.

00:21:06.000 They take me to the fucking mountain.

00:21:09.000 But that 28 and above, you're doomed.

00:21:13.000 You're stuttering, you're mumbling, you fucking can't focus.

00:21:18.000 I like that feeling at night when I listen to music.

00:21:22.000 I'm a big musician.

00:21:23.000 Like, when I called you, it was like October 3rd.

00:21:26.000 And I was gonna call you to tell you that I'd love to participate in Sober October.

00:21:31.000 But because of my love for music, it's not gonna happen.

00:21:34.000 Because my thing is to go home at night or sometimes I go to the office.

00:21:38.000 Like I told you, my house is dead at 20 to 9. The kid goes to bed at fucking 8.30 and my wife's in bed 10 minutes later.

00:21:45.000 So some nights I don't have a spot, I don't have a podcast.

00:21:48.000 I just go to my office.

00:21:49.000 I bring a notebook on an iPad, and I get stoned, and I put an old album on it, and I go down an album road, and I just get fucked up and listen to that music.

00:21:59.000 I love it, Joe Rogan.

00:22:00.000 That's my hobby.

00:22:02.000 And once a week, I go to the album store, and I buy a new album, a new vinyl album.

00:22:06.000 Lately, I went down that Led Zeppelin in Two Road.

00:22:10.000 That's one of the greatest, dirtiest, filthiest albums.

00:22:15.000 And it opens up with a whole lot of love.

00:22:19.000 It's just dirty.

00:22:20.000 And then Lemon Song.

00:22:22.000 And then Heartbreaker.

00:22:24.000 It's just dirty.

00:22:26.000 Damn.

00:22:26.000 And then I've been listening to fucking Physical Graffiti.

00:22:29.000 I love going into those foxholes laying at night stone to the gills.

00:22:36.000 Yeah, there's something about that music.

00:22:37.000 They were the first drug culture music in America, right?

00:22:43.000 If you think about it.

00:22:45.000 Like Zeppelin and Pink Floyd.

00:22:48.000 The Beatles showed up clean.

00:22:49.000 Then they went to India, they grew long hair, and they came back with those four albums.

00:22:54.000 Then there was Rumors of Acid.

00:22:56.000 If you listen to the one, I think it's Revolved, one of those...

00:23:01.000 John Lennon spreads acid, but we'll move on.

00:23:04.000 Then that was it.

00:23:05.000 I mean, there's a lot of musicians from that era that are great that aren't associated with drugs.

00:23:10.000 But if you think of Hendrix, if you think of...

00:23:12.000 I mean, Hendrix was always associated with drugs, right?

00:23:15.000 Janis Joplin, always associated with drugs.

00:23:19.000 Good or bad, it's very interesting.

00:23:22.000 It's very interesting.

00:23:23.000 The sound is so...

00:23:25.000 It lasts.

00:23:27.000 Like, it's so relevant.

00:23:29.000 If you listen to some Zeppelin today, it's still so goddamn good.

00:23:34.000 They were so good.

00:23:35.000 So good.

00:23:36.000 They were so good.

00:23:37.000 There's a song on Zeppelin, too, called Bring It On Home at the end.

00:23:41.000 He comes out, like, with a harmonica slow.

00:23:44.000 Then Jimmy Page kicks in with the guitar.

00:23:46.000 Your heart stops.

00:23:47.000 Yeah.

00:23:48.000 Like, do I jump out a window?

00:23:52.000 Like Led Zeppelin II, there's a couple albums I got in that office that I put on that are such a part of my childhood.

00:23:59.000 Like, I think about my mom coming in the room yelling, lower that fucking devil music!

00:24:05.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:24:06.000 And I would blast it at fucking 6 in the morning.

00:24:12.000 The neighbors next door were Jehovah Witnesses.

00:24:15.000 And he would knock on my door.

00:24:17.000 You have to please lower your music.

00:24:19.000 I never lowered it.

00:24:21.000 At that age, I had a Fischer stereo.

00:24:24.000 Okay, and I already knew not to get components.

00:24:27.000 Like, I was already hip.

00:24:29.000 Like, I never bought the album with the 8-track and the cassette.

00:24:32.000 Fuck you.

00:24:33.000 I bought an amp, and I bought a cassette deck, and I had a turntable.

00:24:39.000 And I would fucking blast it.

00:24:42.000 I don't know where I got the speakers from.

00:24:44.000 I bought them.

00:24:45.000 They fell off a truck.

00:24:46.000 I love music loud.

00:24:48.000 I still, every time, till this day, every time Led Zeppelin's final album comes out, you know, in through the outdoor, comes on the radio or something, I think of my mother banging on the door freshman year going, if I gotta knock on this door one more time,

00:25:04.000 I'm throwing that stereo out the window.

00:25:08.000 Like 7 in the morning.

00:25:09.000 I had it at full fucking speed.

00:25:12.000 Rolling a joint, getting ready to walk up the hill, smoking a joint.

00:25:15.000 I wouldn't smoke at the house, nothing like that.

00:25:18.000 She had no idea.

00:25:19.000 Were you playing album albums with a record player?

00:25:22.000 Yeah.

00:25:25.000 I still do it.

00:25:25.000 Fuck it.

00:25:26.000 Did you have a good needle?

00:25:27.000 Remember you would go over dudes' houses and they had a special needle?

00:25:30.000 I had a good needle.

00:25:32.000 I just went and got new needles.

00:25:33.000 I had to order them online.

00:25:35.000 Do you remember that though?

00:25:36.000 Fuck yeah.

00:25:37.000 You'd be impressed if a guy had like a fucking cool looking needle.

00:25:41.000 I still had a friend that had a reel to reel.

00:25:43.000 Jimmy, do you actually remember this?

00:25:45.000 I had a record player at my house.

00:25:47.000 For sure.

00:25:48.000 You had a reel to reel?

00:25:48.000 Wow.

00:25:49.000 A friend of mine had a reel to reel in high school.

00:25:52.000 Oh my god.

00:25:53.000 And the sound.

00:25:54.000 He bought the speakers and everything.

00:25:56.000 And the sound, you could hear like the musician pulling away from the microphone.

00:26:02.000 His sound was that good.

00:26:03.000 So when he's playing this reel-to-reel, he's got like a projector screen type deal?

00:26:08.000 No, he had a room like this and he had a shelf.

00:26:13.000 And on the shelf he had speakers, and he had a reel-to-reel.

00:26:17.000 I think I've seen that in forever.

00:26:20.000 And it would have two or three hours of music on it.

00:26:24.000 So whenever he would have a party, he would just put on the reel-to-reel.

00:26:27.000 Wow.

00:26:28.000 At that time, that was the threat.

00:26:30.000 That it's going to reel to reel.

00:26:31.000 What does that look like?

00:26:32.000 It looks like a projector, right?

00:26:32.000 That's what I'm talking about.

00:26:34.000 It's going to reel to reel.

00:26:35.000 That's the new threat.

00:26:36.000 That's crazy.

00:26:37.000 That never made it.

00:26:38.000 It went from albums to cassettes to fucking CDs.

00:26:46.000 So if you put something through that, you would have to kind of like do it like you were working in a projection room?

00:26:51.000 You take the film from one of them?

00:26:53.000 Yeah, it's just magnetic tape.

00:26:54.000 It's just really large cassette tape player.

00:26:56.000 I just forget how he put the music on there.

00:26:59.000 I forget how he put the music on there.

00:27:01.000 Could you buy music on it?

00:27:02.000 I think so at that time.

00:27:04.000 There's a record button on this too, it looks like.

00:27:05.000 So you could have recorded something on there if you had a cable to plug it into it.

00:27:08.000 Yeah, I forget how he did it.

00:27:10.000 How would they make copies?

00:27:12.000 The same way you put your original would be on the left.

00:27:17.000 You'd need a copier.

00:27:18.000 You couldn't do it with this machine, probably.

00:27:21.000 The same way people did with VCR copies back in the early 80s.

00:27:24.000 Oh, right.

00:27:25.000 Is it the same thing how it would degrade?

00:27:28.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:27:29.000 You'd get porns from your friend and it was like someone threw mud in your eye.

00:27:34.000 You'd try to watch what the fuck is happening on the screen because it was so many generations of copied.

00:27:39.000 Do you remember when porn was watched like this?

00:27:42.000 I don't remember, but I heard about it.

00:27:44.000 And I remember that movie about the dude from Hogan's Heroes.

00:27:50.000 He was on Hogan's Heroes, and after Hogan's Heroes, he just went around making his own homemade porn.

00:27:58.000 And he had one of these kind of things, one of the home projector type deals.

00:28:02.000 Porn came, porn in those days, if you went to the back of a dirty magazine, not Playboy and not Penthouse, but anything else, they would actually send you a projector with three movies for,

00:28:18.000 say, $14.95.

00:28:20.000 It was a low-end projector, probably going to work ten times, but at least you got to watch porn.

00:28:27.000 And they'd send you a reel to reel.

00:28:29.000 That was so bad.

00:28:32.000 Porn was so bad.

00:28:35.000 And I still remember a story with me and my friends chipping in.

00:28:40.000 And getting the fucking reel-to-reel with the thing and plugging it in the wall and putting sheets on the windows.

00:28:49.000 And it was just horrible, horrible porn.

00:28:53.000 Like chicks they would find off the streets, flapjack titties, somebody turned cigarettes off on her chest.

00:29:00.000 And this chick was half on drugs and she had to suck the guy's dick.

00:29:04.000 And the most vivid picture I remember is when she took the mayonnaise with the bread.

00:29:10.000 Like, she was sucking this guy's dick.

00:29:12.000 The guy's dick had been beat up.

00:29:14.000 And she took mayonnaise, Miracle Whip.

00:29:17.000 That's why I never liked Miracle Whip.

00:29:19.000 She put it on the bread and made a dick sandwich and put it into his dick.

00:29:23.000 And it was like me and three other 12-year-olds.

00:29:26.000 Dog, we almost had a heart attack.

00:29:29.000 Do you understand me?

00:29:30.000 Like, our heads blew up.

00:29:31.000 Like, turn it off, turn it off, turn it off, turn it off.

00:29:34.000 Turn it off.

00:29:35.000 Who wants this fucking projector?

00:29:37.000 Like that?

00:29:37.000 No, no, [...

00:29:39.000 It was a cheap, cheap, cheap little projector.

00:29:43.000 You had to put a sheet up on the wall and use it as a screen.

00:29:48.000 You had to fucking shade up all your windows in the attic because I used to do it in my attic because my mother wasn't home.

00:29:54.000 So the first viewing party we had was in my attic.

00:29:58.000 You had to send the money order and you had to send $1.95 for shipping and handling, S&H. And then it would take six weeks to delivery.

00:30:07.000 So you couldn't send it to your house.

00:30:10.000 So I would have to send it to Rogan's house because I knew his mother and his grandmother worked all day.

00:30:15.000 So they'd never be home.

00:30:16.000 So they would just drop the package off in front of your house.

00:30:19.000 If one of our mothers found that package, we'd be dead.

00:30:24.000 We'd be fucking dead.

00:30:25.000 Can you imagine your mother putting it in and all of a sudden some chick puts miracle whip on a piece of bread and eats into the fucking your dick?

00:30:32.000 You think moms today probably wouldn't even flinch?

00:30:36.000 If what?

00:30:36.000 What?

00:30:37.000 If they found their kid with something like that on his computer?

00:30:39.000 Are you fucking kidding me?

00:30:40.000 Every mom...

00:30:42.000 You talk to any mom who's a 15-year-old and go, do you think your son's getting laid?

00:30:47.000 She's like, stop it.

00:30:47.000 I don't want to hear that.

00:30:48.000 It's true.

00:30:49.000 No mom wants to hear their son getting laid.

00:30:51.000 The first girl you brought over the house...

00:30:54.000 Actually bothered your mother.

00:30:57.000 Oh, I'm sure.

00:30:58.000 The first two girls you brought home actually bothered and irritated the shit out of your mother.

00:31:04.000 It took your mom a while because you're always going to be that little boy.

00:31:08.000 I can't imagine him getting his dick sucked.

00:31:10.000 I just put diapers on him 10 years ago.

00:31:13.000 You know what else they worry about?

00:31:14.000 They worry about you getting somebody pregnant.

00:31:16.000 Because you're so stupid.

00:31:18.000 When you're 15, 16, 17, you guys are just doing stupid shit.

00:31:23.000 You don't really know how to pull out that good.

00:31:26.000 How good are you at that?

00:31:28.000 It's not very good.

00:31:30.000 When you were that young, your parents are worried about you doing something dumb.

00:31:36.000 Your parents are worried about you getting pregnant.

00:31:39.000 But they also don't want you having sex.

00:31:42.000 I had this skinny girlfriend.

00:31:44.000 Like, I always had girls that were friends.

00:31:48.000 And after the girls would leave, my mom would pull me aside and say, what's going on?

00:31:52.000 And I'd go, nothing.

00:31:52.000 You know, she's just a friend.

00:31:54.000 And I would scream out of the house.

00:31:56.000 I can't believe it.

00:31:57.000 You know, and they were friends.

00:31:58.000 But there was this one skinny girl that I used to bring over in the seventh grade.

00:32:03.000 And my mother called us one afternoon.

00:32:05.000 Like, she called us making out.

00:32:07.000 So she asked me as a man.

00:32:09.000 She goes, from now on, do me a fucking favor.

00:32:11.000 If she's here and I'm downstairs, just leave the door open.

00:32:14.000 My mom was one of those, dog.

00:32:16.000 She was one of those.

00:32:17.000 Just do me a favor.

00:32:19.000 Just do me a favor.

00:32:20.000 When I leave, lock the door.

00:32:23.000 But if I'm here, just leave the door open.

00:32:25.000 And I would leave it open, the foot, and then try this 8-inch it, 6-inch it.

00:32:31.000 And she would have to come up and say, I'm telling you, what did I tell you?

00:32:34.000 Leave the fucking door open.

00:32:36.000 And then you're an animal at that age.

00:32:38.000 So at that age, you finally talk a mental illness.

00:32:41.000 Because all I was doing was dry-humping this girl.

00:32:43.000 That's all I was doing.

00:32:45.000 We weren't having sex.

00:32:45.000 I think I sucked the tits one time.

00:32:47.000 You know, we weren't having sex.

00:32:49.000 We were just making out and dry humping.

00:32:51.000 But one day, my mom had the bar still.

00:32:54.000 And she would just fucking come home in the afternoons to see if I was at this broad.

00:33:01.000 And one day I didn't hear her, and she brought one of her friends up with me.

00:33:05.000 One of her friends with her.

00:33:07.000 And I'm in there just swapping, spit with the chick, but I hear something on the wall.

00:33:12.000 Like something's going on.

00:33:13.000 But I kept dry humping her.

00:33:15.000 We had earth, wind, and fire on.

00:33:17.000 Can't hide love.

00:33:18.000 Great fucking hour.

00:33:19.000 That's the way of the world.

00:33:21.000 I'm dry humping this chick to death.

00:33:24.000 And all of a sudden I hear a ladder slip.

00:33:27.000 And a guy starts yelling, and I ran downstairs.

00:33:33.000 There was one of my mother's friends, Leonardo.

00:33:36.000 He used to be a bookie at my mother's bar.

00:33:38.000 So my mother goes, I've got to get to the bottom of this.

00:33:41.000 I've got to know if this kid's getting laid.

00:33:42.000 So he volunteers to put the ladder at the side of the house to see if I'm getting laid to look in the window.

00:33:50.000 I had an air conditioner with a curtain he could never see in anyway.

00:33:55.000 But this girl pissed off my mom for years.

00:33:59.000 This went on for about a year.

00:34:01.000 And then I started taking his shirt off and sucking the tits.

00:34:06.000 And my dad came home one day and caught him in the closet.

00:34:09.000 And that was the end.

00:34:11.000 And then my mom would give me shit for a little while.

00:34:14.000 I gotta be 12, 13. I'm in the sixth grade.

00:34:17.000 Me and this girl would watch the Osmonds on Friday and Saturday.

00:34:21.000 Donnie and Marie.

00:34:22.000 And I would get pissed off because she had a crush on fucking Donnie.

00:34:26.000 You know, you know, you're a kid.

00:34:28.000 And then one day...

00:34:29.000 But then we figured out, fuck...

00:34:31.000 If they're going to watch us after 3, why don't we play hooky from 12 to 3?

00:34:37.000 We can dry out for 3 hours and nobody will know.

00:34:39.000 Your grandmother works.

00:34:41.000 My mother's definitely not coming home.

00:34:43.000 So we used to play hooky and one day they caught us.

00:34:47.000 And her and I had like...

00:34:49.000 There was 20 feet between us on a fence.

00:34:53.000 Their parents had a house right behind mine.

00:34:56.000 And my mom went into the backyard, like the fucking Spanish woman that she is...

00:35:01.000 And started yelling, your daughter's a whore.

00:35:06.000 She's over here every day.

00:35:08.000 I don't know what they do in that room.

00:35:10.000 I hope she's not sucking his dick.

00:35:12.000 My son was a regular little boy until your daughter took over.

00:35:17.000 And I used to walk her home, and I remember walking to the house, and the mom was like, can I talk to you for a second?

00:35:22.000 Your mom's out there yelling horrible things about my daughter calling her a whore and shit.

00:35:27.000 Wow.

00:35:28.000 I had to go home and tell my mama, what's up with that?

00:35:30.000 She's a fucking whore.

00:35:32.000 But it drove my mom crazy.

00:35:34.000 That woman drove my...

00:35:35.000 And after that, I got a girlfriend.

00:35:36.000 No more problems after that.

00:35:38.000 It was just this skinny chick that drove my mother fucking crazy.

00:35:47.000 Hey, they made you, man.

00:35:49.000 I mean, imagine you have a little boy, and you take him to the park, and he's a cute little fella, and he runs, and he stumbles, and he falls down, and he cries, and you pick him up, and he hugs you, and you love him.

00:36:01.000 And you're like, it's okay.

00:36:02.000 You just scrape your knee.

00:36:03.000 It's okay.

00:36:04.000 And he's crying and crying.

00:36:05.000 You feel so bad.

00:36:06.000 You feel so bad.

00:36:08.000 And you get him a Band-Aid, and you give him a kiss, and...

00:36:12.000 Talk to him and hang out with him.

00:36:13.000 Then he goes to sleep.

00:36:14.000 And you sit there and you look at him sleeping.

00:36:15.000 You think about how precious he is.

00:36:17.000 This little life form that you're entrusted with.

00:36:20.000 You gotta take care of.

00:36:23.000 Fifteen years later, someone's sucking his dick.

00:36:26.000 Some dirty little girl down the block.

00:36:28.000 God damn it.

00:36:29.000 Look at that.

00:36:31.000 Now he's all into her all the time and obsessed with her.

00:36:34.000 It's driving you nuts.

00:36:35.000 That was your baby.

00:36:37.000 Your baby.

00:36:38.000 Stuck with some tramp.

00:36:40.000 Dirty little tramp.

00:36:42.000 I mean, you and I have daughters.

00:36:44.000 You and I have daughters.

00:36:47.000 That's a hell on earth.

00:36:50.000 Having a daughter is hell on earth.

00:36:53.000 It's fun now.

00:36:54.000 It's cute.

00:36:55.000 She puts costumes on.

00:36:56.000 She loves daddy.

00:36:57.000 She watches TV. But there's going to come a day she wants to go to the mall with her friends and you have to let her and you have to worry.

00:37:05.000 And it's not the same world.

00:37:08.000 The world is not the same now and it's not going to be the same when they're older.

00:37:12.000 It's getting weirder and weirder.

00:37:14.000 You know, we were talking earlier about bugs and searches and people being able to turn your microphones on.

00:37:21.000 It is a matter of time before there's no privacy.

00:37:25.000 Whether it's 50 years, whether it's 100 years, and I mean, I think there's gonna be no privacy with anything.

00:37:32.000 I don't think, with your thoughts, I think we're gonna, the next thing after cell phones is gonna be something that allows us to communicate Way easier.

00:37:43.000 Within the next 50 years, they're going to come up with some way where we're going to be able to all communicate through a device.

00:37:49.000 It's going to be better than just talking.

00:37:52.000 We're going to share thoughts.

00:37:54.000 It's going to get really fucking strange.

00:37:56.000 I'm 100% convinced.

00:37:58.000 I think all this stuff is just getting...

00:38:01.000 Everything accelerates, right?

00:38:02.000 It used to be really hard to get a hold of somebody, now it's really easy to get a hold of somebody, and now people have figured out ways to turn people's microphones on and record them.

00:38:11.000 People are just putting tape over their webcam.

00:38:14.000 I don't want anybody looking while I'm jerking off.

00:38:16.000 They think someone's going to look through it from the other side.

00:38:18.000 They probably can.

00:38:19.000 It's going to be a matter of time before everybody can, with everybody, with everything you do.

00:38:24.000 There's going to be all...

00:38:26.000 All information available to everybody.

00:38:29.000 This is going to happen.

00:38:31.000 We're so far away from where we were in the 70s.

00:38:35.000 So far away.

00:38:36.000 So far away.

00:38:37.000 And that was our lifetime.

00:38:39.000 We can remember the 70s.

00:38:41.000 You know?

00:38:42.000 1973, I was six years old.

00:38:44.000 Okay, I remember that.

00:38:45.000 I remember the Vietnam War.

00:38:47.000 I remember when the war ended, thinking when I was a little kid, this is great that the war is over, because now they know that war is bad, and they won't do any war anymore.

00:38:55.000 The war is over.

00:38:55.000 It's gone.

00:38:56.000 And then when the war started up again, when I was...

00:38:59.000 I think I was 21 when Desert Storm kicked in.

00:39:02.000 I was like, holy shit, they're doing it again.

00:39:04.000 Me and my friend Jimmy DiTillo, we had an apartment in...

00:39:08.000 I think it was fucking...

00:39:11.000 Where were we?

00:39:12.000 Malden or some shit?

00:39:13.000 I forget where the fuck we were.

00:39:15.000 That's where we were.

00:39:15.000 Waltham!

00:39:16.000 We were in Waltham.

00:39:17.000 We had this fucking apartment and we were sitting there on TV. We were just sitting in front of the delivery room.

00:39:22.000 I didn't think we had a couch.

00:39:24.000 We're just sitting there in the living room watching these fucking missiles flying through the air.

00:39:29.000 I'll never forget.

00:39:30.000 He goes, buddy, looks like we're at war.

00:39:32.000 And I was like, what?

00:39:35.000 We're both sitting there going, what?

00:39:35.000 How the fuck?

00:39:38.000 How the fuck?

00:39:40.000 We're at war?

00:39:41.000 I thought we didn't do that anymore.

00:39:44.000 I remember that.

00:39:45.000 I remember that whole...

00:39:48.000 That time, when that was how you got information from the TV, is so far removed from today.

00:39:56.000 Today, everything that happens all the time is coming at you a hundred miles an hour from every direction.

00:40:03.000 There's just too much to keep up with.

00:40:04.000 You have to control it, though.

00:40:07.000 You have to control it.

00:40:09.000 You still have to have a life.

00:40:12.000 I don't have Facebook on my phone.

00:40:14.000 I have my email account.

00:40:17.000 I try to keep Twitter off my phone.

00:40:20.000 When I go on the road, the iPad has no Twitter and no Facebook.

00:40:24.000 It's too much.

00:40:25.000 It's too much and it interferes with who we are.

00:40:28.000 And if you haven't caught that by now, you're not catching this.

00:40:32.000 I'll open up my Twitter on a Saturday just to see who Thinking to myself, what are you doing with your fucking life?

00:40:41.000 That you're tweeting on Friday and fucking Saturday and Sunday.

00:40:47.000 It becomes a little game.

00:40:49.000 It's a little game.

00:40:50.000 You have to give it a breather.

00:40:53.000 It's too much news coming at you.

00:40:56.000 From 202 on, on your satellite disc, it's too much news.

00:41:03.000 From sports to world news, you got HLN, CNN, and then ESPN. All in a fucking row.

00:41:12.000 It's too fast.

00:41:14.000 It's too quick.

00:41:15.000 Last week when I was home, my buddy is a cab driver.

00:41:19.000 I took six Ubers on Monday in New York.

00:41:23.000 Tuesday, I just wanted to take a cab.

00:41:25.000 I took my wife to get some real pizza at Roma Pizza.

00:41:28.000 The guy that was making pizza there was still there when I was a kid.

00:41:32.000 I drove by one day and I go, he's still in there?

00:41:35.000 So we took a fucking cab.

00:41:37.000 On the cab, this guy that drove me is a friend of mine.

00:41:40.000 We grew up together since we were 12. And we were talking.

00:41:43.000 I go, that's the first gas station I robbed.

00:41:46.000 And then he goes, remember when we were 12 and we were walking home the night Freddie Prince got killed?

00:41:51.000 Wow.

00:41:52.000 Freddie Prince had killed himself the night before.

00:41:55.000 We didn't find out until that 6 o'clock news.

00:42:00.000 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:42:01.000 Like, that was the gap in time.

00:42:04.000 So, you got your news, and even though that was New York, it was the city capital, who watched TV in the morning?

00:42:12.000 Maybe they mentioned it in the morning.

00:42:15.000 Reports out of LA, Freddie Prinze is in the hospital.

00:42:17.000 Yeah, but you never saw it.

00:42:19.000 I remember us being out and them saying, Freddie Prinze died.

00:42:19.000 No.

00:42:25.000 He shot himself last night.

00:42:27.000 And I still remember how cold it was.

00:42:29.000 It was January.

00:42:30.000 Or February.

00:42:32.000 It was fucking freezing.

00:42:33.000 But we were walking home.

00:42:34.000 We were 12. And what do we see in front of us?

00:42:37.000 But a guy passed out drunk.

00:42:40.000 Just have it drunk on the floor.

00:42:43.000 So what I call now, let's get the money out of his pocket.

00:42:46.000 You take the bottle.

00:42:47.000 It was like a bottle of Dewars or whatever.

00:42:50.000 So our plan was to take a bottle and shake a bum.

00:42:52.000 What's it called?

00:42:54.000 You roll a bum?

00:42:55.000 Yeah.

00:42:56.000 And we put our hand in his pocket and he grabbed one of us like Carrie.

00:42:59.000 So next thing you know, all three of us just started kicking him.

00:43:03.000 Like we must have kicked him 82 times.

00:43:07.000 And we ran away in a bottle.

00:43:09.000 He got up and chased us.

00:43:10.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:43:11.000 But we knew his shirt pad for the cemetery, so we lost him.

00:43:14.000 Like, you get all those weird things.

00:43:18.000 Like, that's what I associate with.

00:43:19.000 Like, Freddy shot himself at night.

00:43:22.000 They must have mentioned it in the morning.

00:43:24.000 I was too busy going to school, and it wasn't confirmed until the next day.

00:43:30.000 That's how slow news was.

00:43:32.000 Now, you're getting news.

00:43:34.000 You're getting hit with 200 stories in 10 minutes.

00:43:38.000 What happened in France, what Trump decided, what the UFC is doing, what fucking Penny Marshall died.

00:43:47.000 You're getting through this thrown at you all day and you really can't control it.

00:43:51.000 Take your child.

00:43:52.000 You've watched these two young girls grow up.

00:43:56.000 You ever have days where you take them somewhere, Disney, and it's so much information, they've got to go back and take a nap?

00:44:03.000 Yeah.

00:44:05.000 That happens to us still, too.

00:44:07.000 Yeah.

00:44:08.000 That's got to be happening to us.

00:44:09.000 Well, for sure.

00:44:10.000 It's wearing you out.

00:44:11.000 And a lot of it is really negative, too.

00:44:14.000 You know, that's another part of the problem.

00:44:16.000 What's interesting to people is what's dangerous.

00:44:18.000 And there's not much dangerous.

00:44:20.000 So what's interesting to people becomes, you know...

00:44:24.000 Being negative.

00:44:25.000 Being nasty about something.

00:44:27.000 Complaining about things.

00:44:28.000 Bitching about that.

00:44:29.000 Starting Twitter fights.

00:44:31.000 People enjoy doing it.

00:44:33.000 They're looking for battles.

00:44:36.000 I wish there was a way where people could Choose to only engage online without insulting people and just trying to get a rise out of people, like a troll-free way of interacting.

00:44:50.000 But it's never going to happen.

00:44:51.000 So you've got to kind of accept what it is.

00:44:53.000 So if you accept what it is, you should be very wary about entering to anything where 60% of what you're experiencing is negative.

00:45:04.000 Anything.

00:45:04.000 Anything in life where you're looking at 60% negative.

00:45:07.000 You don't have to.

00:45:09.000 Being informed is one thing, but that's more than just being informed.

00:45:13.000 Because how much of that information is even valuable to you?

00:45:15.000 A lot of it is just getting soaked into these fucking horrible stories.

00:45:21.000 I went down a rabbit hole the other day reading about these Scandinavian tourists that got beheaded in Morocco in the mountains.

00:45:30.000 These girls were hitchhiking.

00:45:32.000 It's fucking horrible.

00:45:33.000 It's horrible.

00:45:34.000 Horrible stuff, man.

00:45:36.000 Then I watched a video of it.

00:45:37.000 It's horrible.

00:45:38.000 You know what I love?

00:45:40.000 Rule number one, don't go hitchhiking in Morocco.

00:45:43.000 Mind your fucking business.

00:45:44.000 These girls apparently did this all over the world.

00:45:47.000 You talk about a guy that fucking went somewhere and tried to convert a tribe.

00:45:53.000 They showed up with a fucking Bible.

00:45:55.000 Mind your business.

00:45:57.000 Send a fucking Bible via airmail.com.

00:45:59.000 And do the best you can.

00:46:01.000 There's some people who want to put themselves in a dangerous way.

00:46:04.000 They don't think they know, man.

00:46:05.000 I fucking hate all that shit.

00:46:06.000 I fucking hate all that shit.

00:46:09.000 I like controlling my situation.

00:46:11.000 I really do.

00:46:12.000 I don't want to sound shallow.

00:46:15.000 I would love to be able to have a passport and go to China and go to Italy.

00:46:18.000 But I'm not going nowhere where there's nothing fucking crazy going on.

00:46:23.000 I don't need that in my life.

00:46:24.000 I don't want to hear a bomb when I'm fucking sleeping when I'm in Israel.

00:46:28.000 Talk to Harry the other day.

00:46:29.000 You can hear bombs going off and shit.

00:46:31.000 Fucking Harry's like telling me jokes on the phone.

00:46:35.000 You hear a bomb going off and shit.

00:46:39.000 I don't need that.

00:46:40.000 I don't need none of that shit.

00:46:41.000 That's putting yourself in harm's way.

00:46:43.000 And I appreciate the balls.

00:46:47.000 I appreciate the balls of you climbing up Mount Najero.

00:46:51.000 I appreciate all that stuff.

00:46:53.000 But it's not in my percentage graph.

00:46:55.000 I believe in percentages.

00:46:57.000 You understand me?

00:46:58.000 I get it.

00:47:02.000 It's just, you know, the other night I read, I get high at night, guys.

00:47:06.000 I do comedy, and to come down, I smoke 55 fucking bong hits.

00:47:12.000 Sometimes you don't have to say a joke on Twitter.

00:47:15.000 The joke is written.

00:47:17.000 When you read it as a human being, you're saying, this is a very interesting article, but at the same time, it does have elements of humor in it.

00:47:25.000 There's an article of a hot chick And it says, mother goes to court to complain about a teacher who fucked a 15-year-old kid because his life has changed.

00:47:38.000 It's never been the same since she fucked him.

00:47:40.000 Sure it hasn't.

00:47:42.000 The kid's never going to get his dick sucked like that again.

00:47:44.000 Can you imagine getting a teacher to blow your horn when you're in high school, one of those dirty teachers?

00:47:49.000 Did you see the picture of a Joe Rogan with a fish on a boat with a bikini?

00:47:53.000 Now you take this chick...

00:47:55.000 To the prom and she's sucking your dick crying.

00:47:57.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:47:58.000 Like, I've never done this before.

00:48:00.000 Like, reluctant.

00:48:00.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:48:02.000 Sure, his life has changed.

00:48:04.000 It's a joke.

00:48:05.000 Dog, I got attacked for two days.

00:48:07.000 And I didn't re-attack people.

00:48:10.000 I turned it around on them.

00:48:12.000 I called them love.

00:48:13.000 And I said, Merry Christmas.

00:48:15.000 And they had nowhere to go.

00:48:18.000 It's so funny that you can get caught in that.

00:48:21.000 They forget we're comedians.

00:48:23.000 We are a tube.

00:48:25.000 A tube that transports something really ugly into something that's still ugly but a little bit funny to it.

00:48:32.000 I cracked a joke when I found my mother dead on the floor to myself.

00:48:37.000 What'd you say?

00:48:38.000 I knew she was never going to know I got left back.

00:48:41.000 Because I got left back but I never told her.

00:48:44.000 And it was coming on a year that I had to tell her.

00:48:46.000 She kept asking me, have you chosen a college yet?

00:48:49.000 And I'm in sophomore year.

00:48:51.000 For three years, I ran a scam on my mother that I didn't tell her.

00:48:56.000 She thought I was a junior.

00:48:57.000 I was really a sophomore.

00:49:00.000 So as soon as I made that turn, I picked her up.

00:49:04.000 I saw her arm was purple.

00:49:05.000 I kissed her forehead.

00:49:07.000 But I remember popping up and going, I knew this bitch wasn't going to ever find out.

00:49:12.000 I got left back before I dialed 911. So if I dropped humor at that situation, that's how I fucking handled myself.

00:49:20.000 Well, that's how you alleviate pressure in your life.

00:49:22.000 Yeah, you have to drop humor.

00:49:24.000 I will drop a bomb on you at a funeral, Joe Rogan.

00:49:28.000 I will drop a bomb on you at a funeral that you will look at me and go, Joe D is the balls on you, but thank God you came.

00:49:35.000 Did I ever tell you what Dave Foley said when Phil Hartman didn't win an Emmy?

00:49:39.000 What?

00:49:40.000 We were all in the audience, right?

00:49:41.000 We went there to honor him because he got nominated and the dude from Frasier won.

00:49:47.000 And Dave Foley, he turns to me and Steven Rudy goes, what the hell did he have to do to win?

00:49:58.000 He goes, he got shot for fuck's sake.

00:50:03.000 Dave Foley's a funny motherfucker.

00:50:05.000 It really is.

00:50:07.000 People have no idea.

00:50:09.000 I see people arguing now.

00:50:12.000 Like now as a 55-year-old, you look at it and you go, I threw away 20 years of my life arguing with people that I had no reason to argue with them for.

00:50:22.000 It's not even worth it.

00:50:24.000 If they played the tape back, you'd laugh at yourself and feel horrible.

00:50:28.000 You look at shit now and you go, how does this even affect your life?

00:50:34.000 I watch those CNNs, like when you're in a hotel room on the weekends.

00:50:38.000 You know, you go down to CNN or HNBC political pipe hole.

00:50:45.000 I love those for six minutes to see people get fired up and they attack each other.

00:50:51.000 And everybody's fucking bullshitting.

00:50:54.000 But you sit there and you go, what is the big fucking deal?

00:50:58.000 No matter if fucking Hitler makes a comeback and he's president, you all gotta get up and go to work every morning.

00:51:05.000 It's not like they're giving you money anymore.

00:51:07.000 It's not like somebody's giving you money or they're putting you in a house for free.

00:51:11.000 If Fidel resurfaces from the grave, He's the president.

00:51:15.000 You still got to work.

00:51:16.000 You still got to build houses.

00:51:19.000 You still got to announce the UFCs.

00:51:21.000 How much does it really affect you?

00:51:25.000 At least that's how I've always thought.

00:51:27.000 The problem with all these shows is, all of them, whether it's CNN or Fox News or anything, is that they're leaning.

00:51:33.000 They're leaning somewhere.

00:51:35.000 They're telling you about the news, but they're leaning on it in a way.

00:51:39.000 They're not just simply recording the facts, especially Fox News, right?

00:51:43.000 They lean.

00:51:44.000 I don't know what you guys are talking about when you say that, but I will tell you why.

00:51:49.000 Yeah, when people talk to me about left and right, I have no idea, because I don't even know where I stand on most issues.

00:51:56.000 But, guess what I didn't see in New York and New Jersey last week?

00:52:01.000 What?

00:52:01.000 Take a guess at what I did not see.

00:52:05.000 Homeless people.

00:52:07.000 Really?

00:52:08.000 Maybe because it's so cold.

00:52:11.000 I was homeless for fucking 19 days in New York in December, from December 12th to the 31st.

00:52:17.000 I got a hotel room maybe 50% of the time, but besides that, I was homeless at one time in 1984. And I ask people, and you go, no, you just don't see it.

00:52:27.000 Hmm.

00:52:28.000 I saw very small sections of non-encampments, but the homeless percentage was smaller.

00:52:36.000 So I asked somebody what that is.

00:52:39.000 How come I have so many homeless people out here?

00:52:41.000 And they said it's called because they're liberals.

00:52:44.000 I didn't fucking know that's what a liberal was.

00:52:47.000 I had no idea.

00:52:48.000 You mean California's liberals?

00:52:49.000 Yeah.

00:52:49.000 I just try to be a human being.

00:52:51.000 I don't know.

00:52:51.000 That doesn't make sense.

00:52:53.000 It's like, what does that mean then?

00:52:54.000 Where do the homeless go?

00:52:55.000 Do we make more of them out here?

00:52:57.000 Is that what he's saying?

00:52:58.000 Do you allow it?

00:53:00.000 He was telling me that Las Vegas ships their homeless.

00:53:03.000 Gives them a bus to California.

00:53:06.000 That might be true.

00:53:08.000 I feel like the shipping is busing people to Alaska for a little while or something like that.

00:53:13.000 Yeah, something like that.

00:53:15.000 You saw the TV show Wild Wild Country.

00:53:19.000 Did you see that?

00:53:19.000 No.

00:53:21.000 It's on the Ragnish cult from Oregon.

00:53:28.000 And one of the things they did, they took over the town.

00:53:32.000 Oh yeah, I've heard about it and watched it.

00:53:34.000 Homeless people in buses and then had all those people vote.

00:53:39.000 And then they took over the fucking town.

00:53:41.000 They like developed a real town.

00:53:44.000 And then they took over this one area.

00:53:46.000 Bust out how America moves its homelessness.

00:53:48.000 Each year U.S. City gives thousands of homeless people one-way bus tickets out of town.

00:53:48.000 Whoa!

00:53:52.000 An 18-month nationwide investigation by The Guardian reveals for the first time what really happens at Journey's End.

00:54:00.000 Whoa!

00:54:01.000 That sounds like a M. Night Shyamalan movie, right?

00:54:04.000 They kill a bunch of homeless people.

00:54:06.000 Like Satan's involved.

00:54:11.000 It's like they just move them away?

00:54:13.000 Where do they ship them?

00:54:16.000 I don't know.

00:54:17.000 Looks like they're throwing them down in Miami and in LA. Well, I lived in Colorado.

00:54:27.000 In Colorado, the homeless people would commit crimes.

00:54:33.000 They figured out what crimes they would get 60 days for.

00:54:38.000 And they would commit that crime, plead guilty due to 60 days just to get out of the winter.

00:54:46.000 Because in those days, Boulder would give you tobacco.

00:54:50.000 You were allowed.

00:54:51.000 They would give you tobacco, but you had to roll it.

00:54:53.000 That type of shit.

00:54:55.000 Boulder County Jail.

00:54:57.000 In 1991, Boulder County Jail and some other jail were voted number one in two jails in the country.

00:55:06.000 That people would want to go to those jails.

00:55:09.000 Then Boulder built a new jail, and it became fucking communist land, like Aspen.

00:55:15.000 Communist land?

00:55:16.000 Yeah, like no cigarettes, everybody had to wear uniforms, no more staying up till 2 in the morning.

00:55:22.000 What was wrong with the other way?

00:55:23.000 Boulder County Jail?

00:55:24.000 The good way.

00:55:26.000 Oh, Boulder County Jail was a paradise.

00:55:28.000 Well, what was wrong with that?

00:55:30.000 It got out.

00:55:31.000 It got out that it was too nice.

00:55:33.000 So like I'm telling you, homeless people would commit a crime to do 60 days.

00:55:33.000 Right.

00:55:37.000 Can I ask you something about this?

00:55:38.000 As a person who's been in jail, would it motivate you more?

00:55:42.000 This is an honest question.

00:55:44.000 Would it motivate you more if you were in jail and it was nice and comfortable in there and you got to relax and calm down?

00:55:50.000 Or would it motivate you more if they brought you into some communist type jail as you described it?

00:55:55.000 Everybody had to wear uniforms.

00:55:56.000 There was no cigarettes.

00:55:57.000 There was no fun.

00:55:58.000 They limited your outside time.

00:56:01.000 I did them both.

00:56:03.000 What do you think, as a person who's been through, what would be most effective in rehabilitating you?

00:56:12.000 I mean, that's the idea, right?

00:56:13.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:56:14.000 If right now you said to me, you gotta stay in this fucking building for six months, this is gonna be your jail.

00:56:22.000 This is like Pablo Escobar's jail.

00:56:25.000 It's still jail.

00:56:27.000 I want you to remember that.

00:56:28.000 Right.

00:56:29.000 You cannot leave the building for six months.

00:56:32.000 I will let you go out to the front of the cage one hour a day.

00:56:37.000 But you got to figure out what you're going to do in here for 12 months.

00:56:40.000 It's a cage.

00:56:41.000 Yes, I have more options here.

00:56:43.000 I can lift weights.

00:56:44.000 I can do different parts of my body.

00:56:46.000 I could shoot pool, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:56:49.000 Boulder was very simple.

00:56:51.000 Boulder, you got locked up.

00:56:53.000 They gave you linens.

00:56:54.000 You either took them or you didn't.

00:56:56.000 Now I want to get my own clothes.

00:56:58.000 So you called home.

00:56:59.000 At lunchtime, Joe Rogan brought me my jeans, my sneakers, my t-shirts.

00:57:04.000 I'm wearing my own clothes.

00:57:06.000 So now they determine what you're in for.

00:57:09.000 Nonviolent or violent.

00:57:10.000 If you're a nonviolent offender, the world is yours.

00:57:15.000 The violent ones are the ones that get lumped in with the other violent ones.

00:57:18.000 So now the violent offenders...

00:57:21.000 Depending on what you do as violent, you go into one sector.

00:57:26.000 And that sector, the longer you're in there, the more rewards you get.

00:57:31.000 So if you're in green, you stay up till 10. And they got cable TV. If you're in red, you stay up till 11. And they got cable TV. If you're purple, you stay up till 1. 1 a.m.

00:57:44.000 Oh, my God.

00:57:45.000 Boulder County Jail was tremendous.

00:57:47.000 1 a.m.

00:57:48.000 and TV and cigarettes.

00:57:49.000 So I didn't drink milk.

00:57:51.000 Milk is big in jail because the bodybuilders like milk.

00:57:55.000 It's like fucking drugs.

00:57:56.000 Really?

00:57:57.000 So I would trade you and you my milk for your Kool-Aid.

00:58:02.000 Alright, so I was in there drinking fucking Kool-Aids and shit because I fucking hate milk.

00:58:08.000 Boulder was a paradise compared to other jails.

00:58:12.000 Oh, listen to this.

00:58:13.000 Thanksgiving Day, was I locked up Thanksgiving Day?

00:58:17.000 Yeah.

00:58:17.000 The guard came in and I'll never forget his name was Ron.

00:58:21.000 And he opened up the cell door and there was a phone there.

00:58:24.000 And he goes, anybody who needs to use the phone, use the phone.

00:58:28.000 I figured out, you know, in those days you had to press 9 to get an outside line.

00:58:32.000 I pressed 8 to see if I could get long distance, nothing.

00:58:35.000 I pressed 7, nothing.

00:58:38.000 6, nothing.

00:58:39.000 5, nothing.

00:58:40.000 4, fucking long distance.

00:58:42.000 I got to call my peeps in Jersey for 20 minutes apiece.

00:58:46.000 You know, you just figure out different things.

00:58:49.000 Then they send you to a place where somebody looks you in the eye and says, strip down.

00:58:55.000 And you gotta go take a shower.

00:58:57.000 And then you come out and they put a finger up your ass to see if you got contraband.

00:59:02.000 And they give you a tighty-whities and an orange jumpsuit.

00:59:05.000 Do they put like a rubber glove on and then lube their finger up?

00:59:08.000 Does it matter?

00:59:09.000 At that point, I didn't give a fuck you putting a finger up my ass.

00:59:09.000 It does.

00:59:13.000 It breaks you down as a man as much as anything in the world.

00:59:16.000 That's the first breakdown.

00:59:18.000 Wow.

00:59:18.000 To turn you around.

00:59:19.000 To let you know they run you.

00:59:22.000 They're gonna stick it up your ass.

00:59:23.000 Then you go to your cell, and those guys in there are not very nice.

00:59:27.000 They weren't like the Boulder County Jail guys.

00:59:29.000 Those guys would kick your bed and make you get up, turn your light on in the middle of the night, and say, get out of bed, we're gonna do a search at two in the morning.

00:59:40.000 Those people are not nice at all.

00:59:42.000 Then I got transferred to Summit County Jail, which was a fuckin' paradise.

00:59:49.000 Paradise!

00:59:52.000 Paradise.

00:59:52.000 Handball all day outside.

00:59:55.000 TV till 2 in the morning.

00:59:57.000 TV's in your cell.

00:59:59.000 Black and white TV's in your cell.

01:00:01.000 Basic cable.

01:00:03.000 You could be up all night.

01:00:04.000 If you wanted to go to breakfast, you ate breakfast.

01:00:07.000 If not, you could sleep through breakfast and we'd eat your breakfast for you.

01:00:11.000 And then from there, they ship me off to the Department of Corrections.

01:00:15.000 That's where it's the nitty gritty.

01:00:18.000 If you think black people talk at a movie theater at night, don't go there.

01:00:25.000 Don't go there.

01:00:27.000 Black people talk all night.

01:00:29.000 It's six or seven floors, and I was in there in August with full humidity in Canyon City, Colorado.

01:00:37.000 Wow.

01:00:38.000 All right, with a little window, you know, and I was like on the third floor.

01:00:42.000 I couldn't breathe.

01:00:44.000 And in those days, they let you out.

01:00:46.000 You took two showers a week, and one hour a day, you went outside.

01:00:52.000 After that, you were just in the cell by yourself.

01:00:55.000 And at night, it froze.

01:00:57.000 In the daytime, it was like fucking being sweating in a fucking tin can.

01:01:02.000 You were in a tin can in the daytime.

01:01:05.000 Nowhere from this thing.

01:01:06.000 Oh, shit!

01:01:11.000 There's nothing.

01:01:12.000 Two showers.

01:01:13.000 And then the three meals.

01:01:15.000 And then the first week is good because you actually get out of your cell to go test.

01:01:23.000 They test you everything.

01:01:25.000 Your math, your English.

01:01:27.000 They fucking put a bunch of pictures in front of you.

01:01:29.000 They put you through psychiatry.

01:01:31.000 They take your blood out.

01:01:33.000 They do everything.

01:01:35.000 And then they assess you, and then they have...

01:01:37.000 I took care of all the dots, okay?

01:01:41.000 There's a bunch of dots.

01:01:43.000 You have to dot your I's.

01:01:45.000 Like, if you have a high school diploma, you get a point.

01:01:48.000 If you were working at the time of arrest, you get a point.

01:01:52.000 If you were up to paying rent.

01:01:54.000 So I got a bunch of points for that.

01:01:56.000 It's so funny how to talk about something very interesting.

01:02:01.000 It's very interesting where this Harvey Weinstein case is going to go.

01:02:07.000 It's very interesting where it's going to go.

01:02:09.000 Right now, he has Benjamin Braff as an attorney.

01:02:13.000 And if you see what happened, Benjamin Braff pushed for a dismissal.

01:02:17.000 And he didn't get it.

01:02:19.000 The judge said a trial date.

01:02:23.000 They're going to get a trial date.

01:02:24.000 Harvey Weinstein's going to go throw more money to pay off time.

01:02:29.000 Harvey's going to go for time.

01:02:32.000 Then he's gonna fire Benjamin Braff and show up with two women.

01:02:37.000 Primarily one black and one Asian or one white and one Asian.

01:02:44.000 And this is when this trial is going to get very interesting.

01:02:48.000 Harvey's also going to hire millions of dollars in private investigators.

01:02:55.000 They're going to interview boyfriends.

01:02:57.000 They're going to interview...

01:02:58.000 This case is going to be very interesting, unlike the Cosby case, where Cosby didn't really fuck him.

01:03:04.000 How do you know he's going to do all this stuff?

01:03:06.000 Because I know this is what I would do.

01:03:12.000 I know.

01:03:13.000 If you come to me and you go, I'm getting busted for this, what do I do?

01:03:16.000 Because of how I grew up around those people, this is what you do.

01:03:21.000 Benjamin Braff cannot ask a woman the same question a woman could ask a woman.

01:03:27.000 So I'm going to go in there with either a black woman, an Asian woman, or a white woman.

01:03:35.000 My first two choices are a black and an Asian woman.

01:03:39.000 You want to get the diversity angle?

01:03:40.000 I want to get the diversity angle, and I want to get that you can't.

01:03:43.000 You're saying that because you're a black woman, Chinese woman.

01:03:46.000 What I'm trying to stare at, did you ever really watch The People vs.

01:03:51.000 No, I didn't.

01:03:51.000 O.J. Simpson?

01:03:52.000 Very interesting.

01:03:53.000 And it's time that you sat down on the holidays.

01:03:57.000 Is that the FX version?

01:03:59.000 Yeah, the FX version.

01:04:00.000 I watched one episode that seemed very good.

01:04:02.000 Very interesting how he put a dream team together.

01:04:05.000 How accurate is it?

01:04:06.000 G, it's going to cost you 10 mil.

01:04:07.000 Listen to me, G. You got two options.

01:04:10.000 You go in there like Cosby and pay 2 mil and make believe you're blind or...

01:04:15.000 We put together a fucking...

01:04:16.000 Did you see him?

01:04:17.000 He went in there with that milky shit over his eyes, like the guy from Kung Fu.

01:04:21.000 Remember when we were kids, Kung Fu's father had like...

01:04:24.000 Yeah, Kung Fu's father was like half blind and shit.

01:04:27.000 He had that milk of magnesia on his eye and shit.

01:04:27.000 Yeah, I remember that.

01:04:30.000 That's how Cosby went in there playing like I'm sick routine.

01:04:33.000 He's got cataracts.

01:04:36.000 Who?

01:04:36.000 Cosby.

01:04:37.000 Yeah, but he didn't have cataracts when he was...

01:04:38.000 Doesn't he have something like that?

01:04:39.000 Not when he put the pill in the water, he didn't.

01:04:42.000 No, he knows where the pills are.

01:04:43.000 He knows what the fucking...

01:04:44.000 He just takes three steps, reaches his right.

01:04:46.000 You show him a fucking...

01:04:47.000 Yeah, he knows.

01:04:48.000 But Harvey has to play this hand.

01:04:51.000 This is what America's about to watch.

01:04:54.000 They're going to watch something fucking crazy.

01:04:56.000 Harvey knows he can't go in there with Benjamin Braff.

01:04:59.000 Benjamin Braff had Gravano.

01:05:01.000 Look at the list of Benjamin Braff has.

01:05:04.000 And Benjamin Braff can't attack a woman.

01:05:06.000 Joey, you look at legal cases like sports.

01:05:09.000 Listen to me, bro.

01:05:10.000 He's got pencil and paper.

01:05:12.000 Listen to me.

01:05:12.000 He's writing all this down.

01:05:13.000 He's the beauty.

01:05:14.000 John Jones versus Gustafson.

01:05:16.000 I went to New York last week.

01:05:18.000 And I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art with my daughter.

01:05:20.000 She loves art.

01:05:22.000 And while I was sitting there, I was, I had to say to them, Goaty, on your own.

01:05:27.000 Because my daughter didn't want me taking pictures in front of the statues anyway.

01:05:31.000 She said, Daddy, get out of the pictures of the statues.

01:05:33.000 So I'm like, what the fuck am I hanging out with you for?

01:05:35.000 She was in the Chinese wing.

01:05:37.000 I wanted to see the Armenian wing.

01:05:39.000 But it was funny.

01:05:40.000 I was thinking about when I was 21 and 22, Joe Rogan and I would get stoned to the gills and go to the Museum of Natural History, the museum of my hobbies back then.

01:05:52.000 Since I was such a loner and people were looking for me and I was always a criminal, I would go over the bridge to either go to one of those museums or I would sit in the courtroom.

01:06:03.000 I would go to a place that had a fucking Italian sandwich, and I'd get a bag of Wise potato chips and a 16-ounce Coke, and you go to any courtroom.

01:06:13.000 The court starts at 7. At the Metropolitan downtown, I'd take the A train, and I'd walk.

01:06:19.000 I forget now.

01:06:21.000 You know, this is 1983, 81. I was a kid, and I would sit, and I'd observe night court.

01:06:28.000 I learned how to...

01:06:30.000 Plus, I grew up in that.

01:06:32.000 You would sit and watch night court like you'd watch a basketball game, like a pickup game somewhere?

01:06:37.000 Yeah, with a sandwich and a soda and potato chips.

01:06:41.000 I think a lot of people don't realize you could just go to court.

01:06:44.000 And I would watch 12 people.

01:06:46.000 I would learn how to set bail.

01:06:49.000 Can you do that anytime you want?

01:06:50.000 Can you just get in there and watch?

01:06:51.000 In the 80s, yes.

01:06:53.000 Now there's bomb detectors.

01:06:55.000 You have to have to reason why you're there.

01:06:57.000 Do you have to?

01:06:58.000 What if you're interested in the case?

01:07:01.000 Yeah, you can go down there and just watch it.

01:07:03.000 What if you, you know, for whatever reason, there's a speeding thing?

01:07:06.000 Like someone lost their license and they got arrested driving and trying to get away from cops?

01:07:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:07:10.000 You can go watch that.

01:07:11.000 I can go home supporting Joe.

01:07:13.000 I would like to go and see...

01:07:15.000 I would like to see what the fuck...

01:07:17.000 What's going on when those guys are trying to get away from the cops and the helicopters are chasing them with the spotlights and they just keep going?

01:07:23.000 Like, what the fuck were you thinking?

01:07:25.000 Like, I would like to get to that courtroom hearing.

01:07:28.000 I want to see that guy.

01:07:29.000 I want to look at that guy that was, like, running from the cops with the fucking spotlight from the helicopter on him.

01:07:34.000 He knew he wasn't going to get away and he's cutting people off and driving the fucking side of the...

01:07:37.000 Nobody ever gets away.

01:07:39.000 Has anybody ever gotten away?

01:07:40.000 Recently?

01:07:41.000 Yeah.

01:07:42.000 The other night something happened.

01:07:44.000 They couldn't find him.

01:07:45.000 He just went to the mall.

01:07:46.000 Yeah, they get away.

01:07:47.000 The percentages, let me explain something to you.

01:07:49.000 The percentages are very fucking low.

01:07:52.000 It's tough to get away, bro.

01:07:54.000 They got you.

01:07:55.000 Once those helicopters spot you running through neighborhoods, it's three years.

01:07:58.000 You gotta make sure if you're going into a mall, they have cameras.

01:08:02.000 They can rewind the cameras and watch you go.

01:08:04.000 If you're running into the mall, you know, there he is.

01:08:07.000 We'll spot them.

01:08:09.000 What happens to you?

01:08:11.000 You want to know what happens to you?

01:08:12.000 What happens to you?

01:08:13.000 All right, first of all, usually Sky Nine is following you.

01:08:18.000 That's the news?

01:08:19.000 Yeah, they got to put you on the floor, kick your legs, do everything by procedure on camera.

01:08:24.000 Then they pick you up.

01:08:25.000 They handcuff you.

01:08:26.000 They put you in the side of the car.

01:08:28.000 The guy tells you this whole white version of what happened.

01:08:31.000 The pursuit started on the 5. The white version?

01:08:34.000 Yeah, and he's wanted.

01:08:35.000 Subject was moving at a high rate of speed.

01:08:39.000 Then they fucking, you know, if I just had to chase you for 20 miles, how pissed am I at you?

01:08:43.000 So they put you in the fucking trunk.

01:08:43.000 Oh, yeah.

01:08:45.000 They put you in the backseat in front of everybody.

01:08:47.000 So the cameras take pictures.

01:08:49.000 And they put a cop next to you.

01:08:51.000 On the drive day, you got a couple backhands to your face.

01:08:54.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:08:55.000 That you hit the steering wheel or something.

01:08:57.000 They hit you a couple times.

01:08:59.000 Then you go in there, and you sit in a holding tank, and then you fucking...

01:09:06.000 If you're with one or another person, you just shut your fucking mouth.

01:09:11.000 You want to call your lawyer, I'll call him Larry.

01:09:14.000 You want to call your lawyer because you want one of the other guys to get a lawyer.

01:09:17.000 So then like that, you have to get...

01:09:20.000 It's conflict of interest.

01:09:23.000 So if me, you, and Jamie got arrested right now, I'm going to shut my mouth and tell you I'm going to call my attorney later because I know for a fact Jamie's going to get a public defender.

01:09:34.000 So now I can't get a public defender because that's conflict of interest.

01:09:38.000 So the state has to pay for a different attorney for me.

01:09:42.000 Whoa.

01:09:43.000 A lot of people don't know that.

01:09:45.000 So if you get arrested with two or three people, you keep your mind shut.

01:09:49.000 Yeah, I'll call my attorney later.

01:09:50.000 You have an attorney?

01:09:51.000 Yeah, I forget his name.

01:09:52.000 Let Jamie cop the public defender.

01:09:56.000 Now the two public defenders can't represent you.

01:09:59.000 So now you get a better chance of getting a better attorney.

01:10:04.000 And the state pays for it.

01:10:06.000 So next time you pay for your mortgage, you go, God damn it, the state takes us a high.

01:10:06.000 It's on the own.

01:10:11.000 It's because a jerk off like me went with fucking Johnny Rambadabuts and fucking he wants $800 an hour.

01:10:18.000 Even though the state will give him $400 an hour.

01:10:21.000 It's like wholesale.

01:10:22.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:10:23.000 But at least I got a better type of attorney.

01:10:25.000 You game the system.

01:10:26.000 You game the system.

01:10:28.000 Nice.

01:10:29.000 It really is fucking crazy how I love figuring this shit out.

01:10:33.000 You're writing things down like you weren't even thinking.

01:10:36.000 You just automatically started writing down numbers and percentages and shit.

01:10:39.000 Oh yeah, I know all this shit.

01:10:41.000 It's like a sport.

01:10:41.000 I grew up in this shit.

01:10:42.000 It is like a sport.

01:10:44.000 So that's what he'll do.

01:10:45.000 And by the time Harvey brings on a rape case, you gotta go up there and relive the story and tell the dates.

01:10:51.000 And if there was a rape kit, it's very fucking tough.

01:10:56.000 This is going to be very interesting, bro, what's going to happen to you.

01:11:00.000 The only thing is, anything he cops, they're going to come back at him like O.J. and try to sue him.

01:11:07.000 And he'll just live in Florida making fucking Super 8 films down there, down in fucking Miramar, Florida, whatever the fuck he's got.

01:11:15.000 It is crazy when you see someone like him.

01:11:17.000 Because they work the system.

01:11:20.000 I'm not saying nothing bad here.

01:11:22.000 That's what your advisors and your people around you'll tell you.

01:11:25.000 He's in hot water for the rest of his life.

01:11:28.000 Because even if he gets that down to like an assault charge, and he has to serve 8 months, 12 months, which is really 8, once he gets out, all the civil suits are going to come at him.

01:11:46.000 Wow.

01:11:54.000 It's really crazy.

01:11:56.000 This is not unrelated to what we're talking about right now.

01:11:59.000 So this has happened, I think, since we've been live.

01:12:02.000 Kevin Spacey uploaded this video on his YouTube channel where he's in character as Frank Underwood.

01:12:08.000 And since this has come out today, he's now been indicted on rape charges in Massachusetts, I believe.

01:12:13.000 Whoa.

01:12:14.000 Felony rape charge.

01:12:15.000 So it's his plea to get his job back?

01:12:18.000 This might have come out without him knowing that was going to happen.

01:12:20.000 I don't know.

01:12:21.000 I was going to see if he wanted to watch it and see what he's doing.

01:12:24.000 Should we watch it?

01:12:25.000 If we watch it, we're going to get kicked off of YouTube, right?

01:12:28.000 It's news.

01:12:28.000 It's fair use-ish.

01:12:29.000 Ish?

01:12:30.000 I mean, it should be definitely fair use.

01:12:32.000 We can at least watch a minute or something, like 30 seconds of it and see what he's doing.

01:12:36.000 He's washing his hands.

01:12:43.000 I know what you want.

01:12:45.000 Oh, sure, they may have tried to separate us, but what we have is too strong.

01:12:49.000 It's too powerful.

01:12:51.000 I mean, after all, we shared everything, you and I. I told you my deepest, darkest secrets.

01:12:57.000 I showed you exactly what people are capable of.

01:13:01.000 I shocked you with my honesty, but mostly I challenged you and made you think.

01:13:07.000 And you trusted me even though you knew you shouldn't.

01:13:13.000 So we're not done, no matter what anyone says.

01:13:17.000 And besides, I know what you want.

01:13:22.000 You want me back.

01:13:25.000 Of course, some believed everything and had just been waiting with bated breath to hear me confess it all.

01:13:31.000 They're just dying to have me declare that everything said is true and that I got what I deserved.

01:13:37.000 Wouldn't that be easy if it was all so simple?

01:13:41.000 Only you and I both know it's never that simple, not in politics and not in life.

01:13:46.000 But you wouldn't believe the worst without...

01:13:48.000 We get it.

01:13:48.000 He's in character?

01:13:49.000 He's in character, 100%.

01:13:51.000 That's supposed to be dead in the show, correct?

01:13:53.000 This is strange.

01:13:53.000 Weird.

01:13:56.000 That's strange to watch.

01:13:58.000 Because, you know, what's strange is he seems a little off his game.

01:14:01.000 Right?

01:14:02.000 I mean, I don't know if anyone asked him.

01:14:04.000 But even if he was playing Frank Underwood, he seems a little off.

01:14:07.000 Like, okay, we're a little tense on that one.

01:14:09.000 Let's, uh...

01:14:11.000 Let's get into this.

01:14:13.000 You're Frank Underwood.

01:14:14.000 Come on, man.

01:14:15.000 Kevin, you're Frank Underwood.

01:14:16.000 I'm Frank Underwood.

01:14:17.000 And then, boom, hit it a second time.

01:14:20.000 The second take felt smoother.

01:14:22.000 Second take felt smoother.

01:14:23.000 You know, it seemed like acting.

01:14:25.000 It's weird.

01:14:26.000 It's not, like...

01:14:27.000 It's a great character.

01:14:29.000 That character's a fucking great character.

01:14:31.000 I mean, the Frank Underwood character is, like, one of the all-time TV characters.

01:14:35.000 But...

01:14:36.000 That's just weird.

01:14:37.000 He just brought him into real life.

01:14:38.000 That's so strange!

01:14:39.000 He was himself.

01:14:41.000 Yeah, so I'll show you what happened on Fox News, according to Fox News, but this is everywhere else, too.

01:14:50.000 He shared this video as he's announced that he's facing felony sexual assault charges for assaulting a teenage son of a former news anchor in Nantucket Bar in 2016. Oof!

01:15:04.000 Thought he was going off on that powder.

01:15:09.000 God knows the power they give you and what you buy into.

01:15:13.000 Just to make that tape just shows you how fucking creepy he's getting now.

01:15:17.000 I really think to be that good at acting, you gotta be out of your fucking mind.

01:15:23.000 Kevin Spacey's a bad motherfucker when it comes to acting.

01:15:27.000 All the horrible things he's done aside, there's a quality about someone that's that good.

01:15:34.000 They've just got a certain amount of insanity to them.

01:15:37.000 This is not apologizing for his actions.

01:15:40.000 Everything he did is horrendous.

01:15:41.000 But I mean, to be surprised that you're seeing him seem crazy there.

01:15:46.000 No, that's not surprising.

01:15:47.000 He's too good to not be crazy.

01:15:50.000 I would assume that when they're not crazy, I'm shocked.

01:15:54.000 When someone seems to...

01:15:56.000 Daniel Day-Lewis doesn't seem to be crazy, right?

01:15:59.000 He just seems to be obsessed.

01:16:00.000 He just seems to be obsessed with work.

01:16:02.000 Maybe I'm wrong.

01:16:05.000 I think all those brilliant motherfuckers are out of their mind.

01:16:08.000 Just his out of his mind is horrible.

01:16:10.000 Did you ever have a German Shepherd?

01:16:12.000 I did when I was a kid.

01:16:13.000 My grandparents did actually.

01:16:14.000 German Shepherds are very smart, intelligent dogs.

01:16:18.000 But they all have a quirk.

01:16:20.000 They all have a quirk.

01:16:22.000 You know, my mom wouldn't neuter hers.

01:16:25.000 She had a female, and they'd bleed once a month, which made them even fucking crazier.

01:16:31.000 So when I was a kid, my mom had one that you can go next to a purse.

01:16:35.000 My buddy Stinky had one.

01:16:37.000 My buddy Stinky had a German Shepherd that was pure, authentic.

01:16:41.000 You could walk in the house.

01:16:42.000 I had a great time.

01:16:43.000 I'd date and make a move for the door.

01:16:46.000 So he bit all our friends in the ass.

01:16:49.000 He didn't like when people left.

01:16:51.000 So every one of us, because of the extreme of what we do, including yourself, Has to have some, you know, something.

01:17:03.000 You and I were on the phone last week speaking about Bill Burr.

01:17:06.000 He went on a helicopter, he plays the drums, he's a comedian, he's a dad, he does an animated series, you know?

01:17:14.000 So here you are in a helicopter with Bill Burr flying around the city.

01:17:19.000 But two nights earlier, you were laughing at him on stage while he made fun of some fucking, when I saw him last, he was hysterical, making fun of the Obama tour.

01:17:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:17:29.000 This is Obama time.

01:17:30.000 You know, so you follow me?

01:17:32.000 Those extremities is what makes you good at your main thing.

01:17:32.000 Yeah.

01:17:39.000 The fact that he does all those different things.

01:17:43.000 The fact that Cowboy Cerrone fights at a high level of competition, but then two weeks later he's high diving off a cliff for motorcycle racing.

01:17:54.000 Not just that, he does it while he's in training.

01:17:57.000 Yes, while he's in training.

01:17:58.000 Yeah.

01:17:58.000 That's what makes people who the fuck they are.

01:18:01.000 Yeah.

01:18:02.000 You know, when it comes to drugs, psychedelics or the hard shit, You know, you get these people that for years I heard rumors about certain actors that they show up on the set still coked up from the night before.

01:18:18.000 But give them three cups of coffee, give them breakfast, let them take a shower, and they're whoever they're supposed to be.

01:18:25.000 So for those eight hours they kept it together.

01:18:29.000 For the other 20 they were a fucking mess.

01:18:32.000 Well, look at guys like Nick Nolte, right?

01:18:35.000 Nick Nolte's one of the greats, for sure, right?

01:18:38.000 I mean, unbelievable actor.

01:18:40.000 And he's had some serious, serious substance abuse issues in his past.

01:18:46.000 Jan Michael Vincent should have taken over Hollywood.

01:18:49.000 Watch The Mechanic, you know?

01:18:51.000 Yeah.

01:18:52.000 Listen, bro.

01:18:55.000 The Me Too movement was a great movement.

01:18:58.000 It made people, you know, whatever the words, to let people know what was going on.

01:19:04.000 But what do you think happened to Marilyn Monroe?

01:19:08.000 She was the first Me Too victim.

01:19:11.000 Marilyn Monroe, if you look at it from an angle, they passed her around, Joe Rogan.

01:19:17.000 Between the president, Nick Bonacani, the fucking mobster in Chicago, and who else passed her around?

01:19:23.000 She was married to Mickey Mantle.

01:19:25.000 She was married how many fucking times?

01:19:28.000 She was married to the playwright too, right?

01:19:30.000 They tormented that poor girl.

01:19:32.000 Then they found her dead of alcohol or whatever.

01:19:35.000 To me Marilyn Monroe, when I see Marilyn Monroe, she's the first fucking original Me Too.

01:19:43.000 They're knocking down all of Gardner and Schrader on Sunset Boulevard.

01:19:49.000 But everything is closed.

01:19:52.000 The nerd melt is closed.

01:19:54.000 Everything is closed on that block.

01:19:56.000 The only thing that's still open is that flower shop.

01:19:59.000 They finally decided to close after a thousand years.

01:20:03.000 But that was the flower shop.

01:20:05.000 Where if you wanted to take Marilyn Monroe to impress her, you had to order flowers from that flower shop.

01:20:12.000 That was what it was famous for, that DiMaggio, Sinatra, everybody ordered flowers for her for that shop.

01:20:20.000 If you knew her, they'd say, what is she like?

01:20:23.000 Get flowers from that place on Sunset.

01:20:26.000 But she was the original, come on dog, think about how tragic her life was.

01:20:32.000 And she was beautiful.

01:20:35.000 She was young and I had them all.

01:20:38.000 But all of a sudden a slick young guy comes along with his olive oil voice and his tight shoes and he takes her away from me.

01:20:47.000 I'm a man that cannot be humiliated.

01:20:50.000 Isn't that what that dude tells Waltz?

01:20:53.000 Isn't that what he tells Robert Duvall when he comes over and tells him he wants Sinatra in the movie?

01:20:57.000 Yeah.

01:20:58.000 And he goes, there's a piece of ass, and I've had them all.

01:21:00.000 And she was the best piece of ass.

01:21:02.000 But just to show you, it's not about dollars and cents.

01:21:05.000 I put singing lessons into her, dancing lessons.

01:21:08.000 She was going to be a fucking star.

01:21:10.000 But all of a sudden, your boy comes along with his olive oil voice and his shiny shoes.

01:21:17.000 And he takes her away from me.

01:21:20.000 I'm not a man to be humiliated.

01:21:23.000 You know what that felt like?

01:21:24.000 And he goes off on him.

01:21:25.000 He throws fucking what's-his-name out.

01:21:27.000 The next morning he wakes up and the dead horse is in his bed.

01:21:30.000 That's right.

01:21:31.000 That's the speech he gives him.

01:21:33.000 That Sinatra fucking took his grill.

01:21:36.000 That's right.

01:21:37.000 The horse in the bed scene was one of the most fucked up scenes ever in a movie.

01:21:41.000 Especially when you're 10. Yeah, because they used a real horse's head.

01:21:44.000 Oh, did they really?

01:21:45.000 Oh, yeah.

01:21:46.000 They killed a fucking horse for that scene.

01:21:49.000 100%.

01:21:49.000 That ain't a fucking rubber horse.

01:21:52.000 That's a real horse's head.

01:21:53.000 You ever watch it again?

01:21:55.000 No.

01:21:56.000 I don't think I'm mistaken.

01:21:58.000 I'm pretty sure I remember this.

01:22:01.000 I might have a shit memory.

01:22:03.000 I think that they might fucking throw you in jail.

01:22:06.000 Today?

01:22:08.000 Today.

01:22:08.000 Even then in the 70s.

01:22:10.000 In the 70s you can get away with it.

01:22:11.000 Do you remember what's that movie Burt Reynolds made where he was going to throw the dog out the plane and the inspector showed up and they kept saying, Oh!

01:22:21.000 Oh, shit!

01:22:23.000 That's the movie when he's the stuntman and Jan Michael Vincent comes to take his job.

01:22:28.000 There's an old Burt Reynolds movie.

01:22:30.000 Hopper!

01:22:31.000 Hopper!

01:22:32.000 Hopper!

01:22:33.000 That's a movie about Burt Reynolds being the baddest stuntman of all time, but then Jan Michael shows up, and Jan Michael's going to eat his lunch.

01:22:43.000 But then Burt Reynolds puts Jan Michael in his place, and they make them jump in the car together.

01:22:48.000 But the funny thing about that movie is that he has to jump out of a building, and the guy that played the inspector was a wacky guy.

01:22:56.000 What do you got here, Jamie?

01:22:57.000 This is a Snopes article.

01:22:58.000 It's true.

01:22:59.000 They slaughtered a horse.

01:23:01.000 The studio had encouraged Francis Ford Coppola to use a fake horse head, but he didn't like the mock-up.

01:23:06.000 His scouts found a horse ready for slaughter at a dog food plant in New Jersey.

01:23:11.000 The art director picked one that looked like the horse in the film and said, when that one is slaughtered, send us the head.

01:23:20.000 He said one day a crate with dry ice came with a horse's head in it.

01:23:24.000 Fuck!

01:23:27.000 Well, it sounds like they're going to kill the horse anyway.

01:23:30.000 That's probably better than not using it, right?

01:23:32.000 But people have an attachment.

01:23:34.000 They served horse rectum once on Fear Factor, and horse people got real mad.

01:23:39.000 They got very mad.

01:23:40.000 Is this the scene?

01:23:41.000 Here we go.

01:23:45.000 Can you imagine being this poor fuck and being entangled with the mob back then?

01:23:50.000 This is supposed to be filmed in what, like the 50s?

01:23:52.000 That's what it was.

01:23:56.000 Supposed to take place in the 50s?

01:23:57.000 Yeah, not showing it, just...

01:23:58.000 Oh, you can't, right.

01:24:00.000 Oh, the people at home.

01:24:01.000 They can look it up.

01:24:02.000 It's a very famous scene.

01:24:03.000 What's really scary about this scene is that they came into your house while you were sleeping.

01:24:08.000 They didn't wake you up.

01:24:10.000 Yep, and they put a horse's head under your sheets.

01:24:12.000 And they left a message under your sheets.

01:24:14.000 So look, he realizes there's some blood.

01:24:16.000 Now he's looking around.

01:24:18.000 He's like, what the fuck?

01:24:20.000 What the fuck is this?

01:24:22.000 How good is this actor?

01:24:23.000 Who's this actor?

01:24:24.000 He's been in everything.

01:24:24.000 What's his name?

01:24:28.000 What the fuck is this blood?

01:24:31.000 Yeah, he's looking at the blood.

01:24:33.000 It's all over his fucking sheets.

01:24:35.000 I mean it is fucking crate and that's real blood too.

01:24:39.000 And there's the horse's head.

01:24:41.000 Then he starts screaming.

01:24:46.000 They chopped his fucking horse's head off and stuffed it in bed with him.

01:24:50.000 That was like a prized stallion that he had, right?

01:24:53.000 He fucking took him, and then he insulted him.

01:24:59.000 He goes, so you can get out, and I ain't no band leader.

01:25:02.000 And he goes, yeah, I heard about that story, because that was the story.

01:25:07.000 Michael tells the chick at the thing.

01:25:09.000 How do you know Sinatra?

01:25:11.000 And she goes, well, my father's godfather is to him.

01:25:14.000 He's his godfather.

01:25:15.000 And he goes, what does that mean?

01:25:17.000 And he goes, he sang with the Tommy Dorsey band.

01:25:20.000 And Tommy said, I'm not releasing him.

01:25:22.000 And they put a gun to his head.

01:25:24.000 Luca Brasi put a gun to his head and said, you're either going to sign it or your brain's going to be across it.

01:25:31.000 Which one?

01:25:32.000 And they paid a dollar for Sinatra.

01:25:35.000 Jesus Christ.

01:25:37.000 Oh my God.

01:25:39.000 So that's why when this guy shows up, he goes, I ain't no fucking band leader.

01:25:44.000 And that was the last thing he'd tell some guy like Robert Duvall.

01:25:48.000 Robert Duvall says, if you mind, I'll have a plane.

01:25:52.000 I'll have your driver sent over to get me to the plane because Vito Corleone is a man of insisting bad news right away and hearing bad news right away.

01:26:02.000 And he goes, you go tell him.

01:26:04.000 And the next morning he wakes up with a fucking dead horse.

01:26:09.000 Jesus Christ, what a way to send somebody a message though.

01:26:13.000 That was a good fucking movie.

01:26:15.000 All those movies were great.

01:26:17.000 But the problem is it got Italians way too into being Italian.

01:26:20.000 They started overemphasizing it.

01:26:22.000 Yeah, a little too crazy.

01:26:23.000 I will tell you this, Joe Rogan.

01:26:26.000 And I told you this a couple weeks ago.

01:26:28.000 And I know it's tough for you.

01:26:29.000 It's tough for me.

01:26:32.000 Subtitles.

01:26:33.000 But this episode of Narcos...

01:26:36.000 Are they doing it all in subtitles?

01:26:38.000 No, they got a lot of English, but it's tough for people to watch.

01:26:43.000 I thought the guy who played Pablo was a bad...

01:26:46.000 I was saying the other day, I was telling somebody, you know what, man?

01:26:50.000 I grew up watching American movies, and I loved them.

01:26:53.000 But my undercurrent was watching Spanish television at night.

01:26:59.000 From the age of five to eight or nine, there was a couple novellas that I really appreciated.

01:27:05.000 And I kind of liked the acting.

01:27:07.000 I was like, these guys can fucking act.

01:27:09.000 But I forgot all about it, and then I watched Man on Fire.

01:27:12.000 And Man on Fire had some phenomenal Spanish acting.

01:27:16.000 Plus they had the Italian guy Giancarlo Giannini.

01:27:19.000 How bad of a fucking, how bad of a motherfucking Italian are you when your name is Giancarlo Giannini?

01:27:29.000 He's the one that was in Hannibal.

01:27:32.000 That Hannibal stabs him and then fucking throws his guts out in the fucking...

01:27:36.000 I don't know if you've ever watched Hannibal.

01:27:38.000 He shows up and that's how, wow, he kills him through his stomach.

01:27:38.000 No, I've never watched Hannibal.

01:27:42.000 But he's the cop in Man on Fire.

01:27:44.000 The one who pinksters the girl's ass.

01:27:47.000 Yeah.

01:27:48.000 Man on Fire had a lot of good side actors, but a lot of great Spanish acting.

01:27:54.000 So ever since Narcos and all these shows are coming back, I'm watching these dudes and I'm like, bro, these guys are from old soap opera, Spanish soap operas, which is tough.

01:28:07.000 If you've ever did a soap opera, it's tough.

01:28:10.000 I did General Hospital.

01:28:11.000 And let me tell you something.

01:28:13.000 If I would have gotten off a plane and done General Hospital, I would have gotten fired.

01:28:19.000 Thank God I was here 12 and 13 years, and I knew my way around the set.

01:28:25.000 You know, when you book a soap opera, nobody talks to you.

01:28:29.000 You do know that.

01:28:30.000 Like, you walk into ABC over there on God Street.

01:28:30.000 Yeah.

01:28:35.000 You walk in, they look at your ID, and they go, go to room 27. You go to your office, your fucking, your suit's there.

01:28:43.000 So a lady comes in, and she goes, how you doing?

01:28:45.000 My name is Mildred.

01:28:47.000 Watch the TV and look for your numbers to come up.

01:28:52.000 So you sit down, you write your numbers.

01:28:54.000 I'm in scene 27, chapter 8. And you sit there with wardrobe on.

01:29:01.000 I would go there at 8 o'clock and I'd be in my car at a quarter to 10. Really?

01:29:06.000 How many soap operas did you do?

01:29:08.000 General Hospital.

01:29:08.000 Three.

01:29:09.000 Three episodes.

01:29:10.000 No kidding.

01:29:11.000 Find that.

01:29:14.000 Three episodes of General Hospital.

01:29:16.000 That's amazing.

01:29:17.000 I played a recovering fucking preacher who had been out in prison, and I came out, and now it was a fucking marriage thing.

01:29:24.000 Bro, when they called me, like, they called me, and they're like, we're interested in you sending a reel.

01:29:29.000 And I'm like, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

01:29:32.000 So Benjamin Brett, those good-looking dudes, they started on General Hospital, and you want me on General Hospital.

01:29:38.000 I go, are you fucking crazy?

01:29:39.000 I sent them a reel.

01:29:41.000 I swear to God, my agent's like, they really want you real, Joey.

01:29:44.000 What do you want me to do?

01:29:45.000 I go, send it to them.

01:29:46.000 What do you want me to do?

01:29:47.000 They're never going to hire me, bro.

01:29:48.000 They called right back.

01:29:50.000 Come on down for three days.

01:29:52.000 Wow.

01:29:53.000 You walk in there, Joe Rogan, you give them your ID. It's that fast.

01:29:57.000 You go to your room.

01:29:59.000 It'll say, scene 28, prepare, wardrobe, you're 10 minutes away.

01:30:04.000 You put whatever wardrobe they give you on.

01:30:07.000 Do they have cue cards for you?

01:30:10.000 Yeah, under the cameras.

01:30:12.000 It's a three-camera shoot.

01:30:15.000 You go out.

01:30:16.000 It says, okay, actor number 28, come out.

01:30:18.000 You come out.

01:30:19.000 How you doing, Joe Rogan?

01:30:20.000 Very nice to meet you.

01:30:21.000 Okay, let's do this.

01:30:23.000 Action.

01:30:24.000 Boom, boom, boom, boom.

01:30:25.000 Let's say you fuck up your line.

01:30:27.000 They don't give a fuck.

01:30:29.000 Like, if you start from all...

01:30:31.000 No!

01:30:31.000 We're starting from that line.

01:30:33.000 Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

01:30:34.000 Cut!

01:30:35.000 Moving ahead.

01:30:36.000 Wow.

01:30:37.000 And all of a sudden, they switch you out.

01:30:38.000 Bop, bop, bop.

01:30:39.000 They put makeup on you.

01:30:40.000 And they're like, you're not in the scene.

01:30:42.000 Just sit over here for five minutes.

01:30:44.000 Bro, five minutes, they come right back to you.

01:30:46.000 All right, you ready?

01:30:47.000 You're in scene three.

01:30:48.000 And you're like, what the fuck just happened?

01:30:50.000 Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

01:30:52.000 Bob, you're a wrap.

01:30:53.000 Thank you for coming down.

01:30:55.000 Nobody talks to you.

01:30:56.000 Nobody does nothing.

01:30:58.000 Huh.

01:30:58.000 So it's not a...

01:31:00.000 They're just trying to get it out quick.

01:31:02.000 They don't hold your hand.

01:31:03.000 It's 8 to 5. Wow.

01:31:05.000 Being on a soap opera is probably the easiest way.

01:31:09.000 Like, if you land on General Hospital, you could be on General Hospital for 30 years.

01:31:13.000 That dude's been on there for 30 years.

01:31:15.000 Yeah.

01:31:16.000 You know, you could be on...

01:31:17.000 A couple people have been on it for a long time, right?

01:31:19.000 So it's 8 to 5. Is General Hospital...

01:31:19.000 Yeah.

01:31:21.000 Was that Luke and Laura?

01:31:22.000 Yeah.

01:31:23.000 It was.

01:31:24.000 That was Luke and Laura, right?

01:31:26.000 Remember Luke and Laura?

01:31:27.000 No.

01:31:28.000 There was one I got into.

01:31:29.000 There was a thing that happened in soap operas, and it happened while I was a kid.

01:31:34.000 Luke and Laura transcended General Hospital and became a thing all throughout the world.

01:31:41.000 These people?

01:31:41.000 Yeah, these people.

01:31:42.000 Yeah, I remember this.

01:31:43.000 It didn't make sense, because the dude's hair was weird.

01:31:46.000 It was a strange couple.

01:31:47.000 I did a scene with them, dog.

01:31:49.000 They were weird.

01:31:50.000 Yeah, I did a scene with him.

01:31:51.000 She was a little too hot for him.

01:31:52.000 It didn't make a whole lot of sense.

01:31:54.000 But it worked.

01:31:56.000 For whatever reason, it caught fire culturally and became a big thing.

01:31:59.000 And I think I was in high school at the time.

01:32:01.000 Their wedding was in 1983. Okay, yeah.

01:32:04.000 So I was in high school.

01:32:05.000 While I was in high school, this was all going down.

01:32:08.000 And everybody paid attention to Luke and Laura.

01:32:11.000 It was like the general hospital thing took over the country.

01:32:13.000 It was like on the cover of People magazine and shit.

01:32:16.000 It was everywhere.

01:32:17.000 It was this one weird relationship on a soap opera for some reason just became this gigantic phenomenon that everybody was watching.

01:32:25.000 I mean, I was watching it.

01:32:26.000 Like I said, 30 million viewers.

01:32:28.000 30 million views!

01:32:29.000 You know how fucking crazy that is, Joey Diaz?

01:32:30.000 What was the show with the good-looking singer?

01:32:33.000 I wish that she was Jessie's girl.

01:32:36.000 Oh, Rick Springfield, General Hospital.

01:32:37.000 Same show.

01:32:37.000 Okay, then I watched that.

01:32:39.000 But it wasn't even him.

01:32:40.000 See, if he was with Laura, that made sense.

01:32:42.000 I watched that before that.

01:32:43.000 He's a handsome son of a bitch, that Rick Springfield.

01:32:47.000 You know, and he was a double threat.

01:32:48.000 He was on General Hospital and he was a badass singer.

01:32:52.000 That Jessie's Girl, that song, if you're at fucking like Wild Wings and Jessie's Girl comes on, you get excited.

01:32:57.000 You lose your mind.

01:32:58.000 The beginning of it?

01:32:58.000 I can't find a woman like that.

01:33:02.000 Jessie's Girl.

01:33:03.000 He's still out there hitting it.

01:33:04.000 Still touring.

01:33:05.000 Yeah, he's still touring.

01:33:06.000 I think he was at the Canyon Club in Agora.

01:33:10.000 He's out there.

01:33:11.000 That dude was, when I was in high school, that dude was on top of the fucking food chain.

01:33:17.000 Every girl had a poster, him on the wall.

01:33:18.000 Yeah, I remember.

01:33:19.000 Me too.

01:33:20.000 He's in Lake Tahoe next month.

01:33:21.000 Good for him.

01:33:22.000 It's crazy that whatever soap opera was on from 12 to 1 was a big time soap opera.

01:33:29.000 And there was a bar in New York and there was a bar in New Jersey in my neighborhood that if you walked in there from 12 to 1, And you said a word, somebody would tell you to shut the fuck up.

01:33:41.000 And it was 98% men.

01:33:44.000 And they would serve lunch.

01:33:46.000 And the one I would go to was the Midtown Lounge.

01:33:48.000 But there was another one.

01:33:50.000 So there was a lunchtime soap opera.

01:33:52.000 Yeah, that men left their jobs, construction guys.

01:33:56.000 And they would sit there and watch this soap opera on two TVs like it was a Yankee game.

01:34:01.000 What the fuck?

01:34:02.000 And then they would go back to work.

01:34:06.000 How strange is that?

01:34:08.000 How strange is it that that was a thing at one point?

01:34:10.000 It was a big thing at one point.

01:34:11.000 And I still remember, you know, if you dated a girl and she stayed in on Wednesdays to watch Dynasty, bitch, you stayed in on Dynasty night if that's what it meant to get a nookie cookie.

01:34:21.000 That makes sense for today.

01:34:23.000 It's translatable.

01:34:24.000 Sunday night, Game of Thrones is on or whatever night it's on.

01:34:27.000 It's like people do get together and they watch it live as it goes on.

01:34:31.000 What doesn't make sense is that the market for those kind of soap operas was appealing to men and high school kids.

01:34:31.000 That makes sense.

01:34:40.000 We were all watching it.

01:34:43.000 Who shot JR, bro?

01:34:44.000 That was Dallas.

01:34:45.000 But that's a regular TV show at nighttime.

01:34:49.000 Then, not only were they sucking you in the daytime in those days...

01:34:54.000 This was all the 80s.

01:34:55.000 We're talking about the 80s, correct?

01:34:57.000 Okay.

01:34:57.000 What the fuck was going on at night?

01:34:57.000 Yeah.

01:34:59.000 Both, right?

01:35:00.000 You had Dallas, and you had, what was the one on ABC with Alexis Carrington?

01:35:07.000 The Dynasty.

01:35:08.000 And the Dynasty.

01:35:09.000 That was badass.

01:35:10.000 That was a badass show.

01:35:11.000 That girl right now, the chick who played the princess on that, that was supposed to be Alexis' daughter.

01:35:19.000 And she was having an affair with Dexter.

01:35:22.000 She's the one right now that's going through that thing with her daughter in the sex ring.

01:35:27.000 Up in Connecticut, there was like a sex ring, Novo or whatever.

01:35:31.000 She's a princess in real life.

01:35:33.000 A duchess, yes.

01:35:35.000 She's the one that's going through all that with the daughter.

01:35:39.000 I remember her being on Dynasty as a hot, hot...

01:35:44.000 And she was Alexis' daughter, but Dexter was Alexis' husband, and she had something for Dexter.

01:35:53.000 Dex Dexter.

01:35:54.000 How good of a name is that?

01:35:55.000 Look at that cast.

01:35:59.000 Joan Collins.

01:36:00.000 She was still hot back then.

01:36:01.000 She was the original MILF, right?

01:36:03.000 Yeah.

01:36:03.000 For sure.

01:36:04.000 Because she was super hot.

01:36:06.000 How old do you think she was back then?

01:36:07.000 50?

01:36:08.000 Yeah, she was 51 and she was fucking Dexter.

01:36:10.000 She was hot as fuck.

01:36:12.000 And look at Ricardo Montenbaum.

01:36:13.000 How much that dude got paid on that fucking island.

01:36:17.000 Welcome to Fantasy Island.

01:36:19.000 How they haven't done a remake of Fantasy fucking Island.

01:36:22.000 They did.

01:36:23.000 They did.

01:36:25.000 A comic...

01:36:27.000 Well, a couple comics went out there and did it.

01:36:31.000 Yeah, it was on TV for a little bit.

01:36:33.000 No, they fucked it up.

01:36:34.000 Was it The Love Boat?

01:36:36.000 Was it The Love Boat?

01:36:36.000 Yeah.

01:36:37.000 Am I confusing it?

01:36:38.000 I think so.

01:36:39.000 The Love Boat came out before fucking...

01:36:41.000 No, but I mean a new version of it.

01:36:43.000 There was either a new version of The Love Boat or a new version of Fantasy Island.

01:36:46.000 It was one of the two.

01:36:48.000 Neither of them were showing up.

01:36:49.000 Neither one?

01:36:50.000 Dynasty actually was remade.

01:36:51.000 But it was in the 90s.

01:36:53.000 It was...

01:36:56.000 It was in the 90s.

01:37:00.000 Because...

01:37:00.000 Do you remember Jerry Red Wilson?

01:37:03.000 Yeah!

01:37:04.000 God bless the show.

01:37:06.000 Jerry Red Wilson was supposed to be filming that.

01:37:09.000 Which one was it?

01:37:09.000 What was it?

01:37:10.000 The Love Boat.

01:37:11.000 Jerry Red Wilson was supposed to be filming that show.

01:37:13.000 And he went to a doctor.

01:37:16.000 And it turned out he had meningitis.

01:37:18.000 And I guess, apparently, he left the doctor's office.

01:37:22.000 Yeah, he didn't want to wait.

01:37:23.000 He had to go on a honeymoon.

01:37:27.000 And by the time he got there, I guess flying when you have that's really bad.

01:37:30.000 By the time he got there he died.

01:37:33.000 Or he died shortly after.

01:37:35.000 It's horrible.

01:37:36.000 Horrible to hear.

01:37:38.000 He was a good guy.

01:37:39.000 He was a good guy and a funny guy.

01:37:40.000 Funny guy.

01:37:41.000 Had a lot of fucking character.

01:37:44.000 I worked with that kid a lot in New York.

01:37:46.000 We did gigs together on the road together a little bit, too.

01:37:49.000 That was a good little clique.

01:37:50.000 I remember living in Seattle, and he came up, Louis C.K. came up.

01:37:54.000 All those guys were all coming up together at that time in New York.

01:37:58.000 So it was a good bunch of guys, you know?

01:38:00.000 Yeah.

01:38:02.000 Yeah.

01:38:03.000 Man.

01:38:05.000 They do remake a lot of fucking television shows, though.

01:38:08.000 I mean, it is fucking ridiculous.

01:38:10.000 They remake so many shows.

01:38:12.000 Is it that hard to come up with a new line of thought?

01:38:17.000 How many more zombie shows are they going to have?

01:38:19.000 They have a new zombie show, right?

01:38:21.000 I think they're making World War Z as a TV show.

01:38:24.000 Isn't it in China?

01:38:24.000 But there's a new Walking Dead in China now, I think.

01:38:29.000 I'm like, okay.

01:38:30.000 Jesus Christ, I think I know what's gonna happen.

01:38:33.000 Bad things.

01:38:34.000 You know like you have when you were growing up, I don't know where the fuck you grew up, let's just say Boston for a while.

01:38:41.000 There was one fucking sandwich shop and you went in there all the time with an Italian guy and he made you a legit sandwich and all of a sudden another guy opened up but that was cool but now Subway came and now the Safeway started making sandwiches so now nobody's making money.

01:38:58.000 It's the same thing with movies and TV. There's so much content, we can't keep up with it.

01:39:05.000 Can't keep up.

01:39:06.000 You can't keep up with the amount of content that's out there.

01:39:09.000 So when you try to remake a show, I want it to be...

01:39:14.000 They make a ton of shit, but they forget the main element of it, which is the heart aspect of it.

01:39:20.000 Let me tell you something you've got to say that's good, that's out right now on Amazon Prime.

01:39:24.000 Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

01:39:26.000 Tremendous.

01:39:27.000 Have you watched it?

01:39:27.000 Have you seen it?

01:39:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:39:29.000 The two episodes of my wife.

01:39:30.000 Yeah, she's a stand-up comic, and she's hanging out with Lenny Bruce.

01:39:35.000 It's fucking amazing.

01:39:36.000 It's a good little show.

01:39:37.000 It's a real good show.

01:39:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:39:39.000 It's a real good show.

01:39:40.000 This is the first show I've ever watched on Amazon Prime.

01:39:42.000 It's very easy to do.

01:39:43.000 You just set it up through the Apple TV, you log in, bam.

01:39:46.000 My wife has done the whole fucking thing.

01:39:48.000 She does the whole thing.

01:39:49.000 The thing about things like Apple TV or Netflix that are so good is once you're logged in, it's right there.

01:39:56.000 You go to it, it's easy.

01:39:57.000 We're so lazy now that the extra step to log in to another service, whatever it is, you know?

01:40:05.000 Another thing on top of the getting on to iTunes.

01:40:09.000 Oh, I gotta do one more thing.

01:40:10.000 Oh my god, I gotta use my password.

01:40:13.000 That little extra step, even just setting it up.

01:40:16.000 Once you get it set up, you can just go to it.

01:40:18.000 But before you do that, that extra step bothers the shit out of people for whatever reason.

01:40:24.000 It's easy.

01:40:25.000 See?

01:40:27.000 It's not hard to do, though.

01:40:29.000 I just have my wife programmed for me on my iPad.

01:40:32.000 I don't know nothing.

01:40:33.000 You don't know nothing?

01:40:34.000 I got on the plane, I put it into airplane mode, I hit the Wi-Fi thing, and next thing you know, I'm watching fucking TV. I get it.

01:40:43.000 I try to keep it.

01:40:44.000 Like, right now, I'm on the second timer watching Narcos Mexico.

01:40:49.000 Because I like the acting so much.

01:40:51.000 The guy, Diego Luna, Joe Rogan, he ain't no joke, though.

01:40:56.000 That dude was in Duma Ma Tambien.

01:40:58.000 It's such a difference.

01:41:00.000 He's such a badass motherfucker.

01:41:02.000 I don't want to spoil it for you, but fuck you.

01:41:05.000 If you haven't watched it by now, you're slipping.

01:41:07.000 Yeah, I only watched the first two seasons.

01:41:11.000 You watched the Pablo seasons.

01:41:13.000 Yeah.

01:41:14.000 He was very good.

01:41:15.000 He was a very good actor.

01:41:17.000 I enjoyed him.

01:41:18.000 Then the third season went about the Kali Cartel.

01:41:20.000 And that was okay.

01:41:22.000 This Mexican one, this Sinaloa one, this is where Felipe's from.

01:41:26.000 When you watch this shit, it explains a lot why Felipe's the way Felipe is.

01:41:30.000 I tell you what, if I could move to Sinaloa, I would.

01:41:33.000 I belong down there.

01:41:35.000 It's just a city full of fucking crazy thieves and shit.

01:41:39.000 You know, they're just crazy.

01:41:41.000 And they figured out how to grow weed in the desert, and they were making $30 million a week.

01:41:47.000 A bunch of crazed fucking Indians.

01:41:50.000 Oh, we never found out.

01:41:52.000 What percentage of marijuana did weed used to have?

01:41:54.000 You were right, but it's also really hard to test back then.

01:41:58.000 Yeah, they weren't testing back then.

01:42:01.000 The strongest weed I was smoking back then was chocolate Thai weed.

01:42:05.000 That weed made you go fucking crazy.

01:42:08.000 Someone did explain to me the difference between strains that were raised in Afghanistan and strains that came from other places.

01:42:17.000 Right.

01:42:17.000 Like right now, Dean, our friend from the store, he got a seed from Afghani weed from the old days.

01:42:23.000 Shit.

01:42:23.000 So he repollinized it, I guess the word to use is...

01:42:26.000 Is that the word?

01:42:27.000 And he keeps trying to get that seed.

01:42:29.000 But I still remember smoking Afghani weed.

01:42:32.000 You were going for a ride.

01:42:34.000 You were going for a ride, but your tolerance is so high now.

01:42:38.000 And the weed you're smoking is weapon grade.

01:42:41.000 I mean, you are smoking some of the most insane weed.

01:42:44.000 I had a vape pen the other day.

01:42:47.000 A simple little vape pen.

01:42:48.000 I took one hit.

01:42:49.000 I was obliterated.

01:42:50.000 I couldn't believe how goddamn strong they are now.

01:42:54.000 You've got to be really careful now.

01:42:56.000 I was cocky.

01:42:57.000 I was treating it like the old ones.

01:42:58.000 Especially those disposable ones.

01:42:59.000 You can take three, four hits before you even feel it.

01:43:01.000 One hit.

01:43:02.000 Obliterated.

01:43:04.000 Especially since I stopped with the edibles.

01:43:06.000 That changed the game on me.

01:43:09.000 The edible drop changed the game on me.

01:43:12.000 You 100% off the edibles?

01:43:14.000 100%.

01:43:15.000 Our buddy George has 1,000 milligram edibles and he gave me two bags.

01:43:22.000 I think like tonight I'll take a bite out of the edible because it's Christmas.

01:43:28.000 But I had to cut it out because it was just killing me.

01:43:31.000 It was taken away from my other high.

01:43:34.000 I enjoy taking two hits off a pipe in the morning.

01:43:37.000 Gets me going.

01:43:38.000 Gets me listening to music.

01:43:39.000 I'm writing a little bit.

01:43:41.000 I'm loose.

01:43:42.000 I love being loose.

01:43:43.000 I went to Muay Thai at nine.

01:43:45.000 I had two hits in me.

01:43:46.000 Right.

01:43:46.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:43:47.000 I enjoy that shit.

01:43:48.000 I can't.

01:43:48.000 When I go on the road, I don't bring a pipe.

01:43:52.000 So I gotta bring joints for me.

01:43:53.000 If I gotta come down off the 11th floor and walk two blocks, I gotta smoke the whole fucking joint.

01:43:59.000 So I gotta go back to my room and pass out.

01:44:01.000 Like, that's how strong the weed is.

01:44:03.000 Like, it just kills me.

01:44:05.000 Especially now that I'm not eating them anymore.

01:44:07.000 Yeah.

01:44:08.000 Just kills me.

01:44:09.000 Mummifies me.

01:44:10.000 I go back to the room, I watch two, three episodes of something.

01:44:13.000 I gotta take a nap.

01:44:17.000 There's some scientists making weed now.

01:44:19.000 I mean, they've got real botanists involved.

01:44:22.000 There's money in it now.

01:44:23.000 And now that it's opening up in Canada, it's going to be really weird.

01:44:27.000 Because in Canada, they're making it legal, right?

01:44:29.000 It's legal now.

01:44:31.000 So I'm pretty sure R.J. Reynolds, is that who it was who just dumped a shit ton of money into some marijuana production in Canada?

01:44:39.000 That's going to follow suit in the United States.

01:44:41.000 There's too much money involved in it.

01:44:42.000 And it's going to be good for everybody.

01:44:44.000 It's going to be good for capitalism.

01:44:46.000 It's going to be good for people getting marijuana.

01:44:48.000 As long as regular people can sell marijuana, too.

01:44:51.000 Let fucking RJ Reynolds, as long as they don't put some restrictions like they were trying to put...

01:44:56.000 Was it you, Jamie?

01:44:57.000 They told me about what they were trying to do in Ohio, where they were trying to make it set up where you could grow weed, but only a couple companies could grow it.

01:45:05.000 So the weed would be legal, but only a couple companies would monopolize.

01:45:08.000 And then everybody was like, fuck this.

01:45:10.000 But they ended up passing it, I believe.

01:45:12.000 That's terrible.

01:45:14.000 It's sad that, I mean, that's such a corruption.

01:45:16.000 It's like saying, okay, you can have tomatoes, but we're the only ones who grow these fucking tomatoes.

01:45:22.000 It's a tomato.

01:45:22.000 Like, why?

01:45:23.000 That's a law against nature.

01:45:25.000 So you're saying that nature can't take place?

01:45:27.000 I can't put a seed in the ground and grow my own shit.

01:45:29.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:45:30.000 Is it legal?

01:45:31.000 It's legal.

01:45:32.000 How's it different than corn?

01:45:32.000 Okay.

01:45:33.000 How's it different than a fucking pear tree?

01:45:36.000 It's not.

01:45:37.000 It's a legal life form.

01:45:39.000 It's a life form.

01:45:40.000 You're allowed to grow it.

01:45:40.000 It's a plant.

01:45:41.000 If you say you can't grow it, you've got a corrupt system.

01:45:44.000 You've got some bullshit law that you weaseled in because you greased up some assholes and the other people don't have as much money as you do.

01:45:51.000 It's the only reason why that ever happens.

01:45:53.000 Or people are so desperate to get legal weed that they let some dickhead dominate the entire industry.

01:46:00.000 Some greedy fuck.

01:46:01.000 No, the deal is, it's legal or it's not legal.

01:46:05.000 Otherwise, we're in some sort of a weird dictatorship.

01:46:08.000 You know, this is not...

01:46:09.000 You can't just decide it's legal, but you're the only one who gets to make money.

01:46:13.000 It's a plant!

01:46:13.000 Fuck you!

01:46:14.000 That's crazy.

01:46:16.000 Imagine if you owned all the pine trees in the country.

01:46:19.000 It's all me.

01:46:20.000 It's my country.

01:46:21.000 You want to buy pine?

01:46:21.000 My pine trees.

01:46:22.000 You're buying it from me.

01:46:23.000 I find you with a fucking Christmas tree.

01:46:25.000 I'll take you out.

01:46:26.000 It's crazy.

01:46:27.000 Now, what happened last week with Cuomo?

01:46:30.000 I don't know.

01:46:31.000 In New York.

01:46:31.000 He said he wants to legalize weed in New York.

01:46:34.000 He wants to make it recreationally legal in New York.

01:46:34.000 Oh, yeah.

01:46:37.000 Stupid to shoot down.

01:46:38.000 You should be making money off of it.

01:46:39.000 It exists, no matter what you do.

01:46:41.000 If you're a capitalist, if you're a person who believes in free market...

01:46:45.000 You already have whiskey.

01:46:46.000 You already have pills.

01:46:47.000 People can get high.

01:46:48.000 They're not sober.

01:46:49.000 They're just not.

01:46:50.000 Stop with the childish arguments.

01:46:51.000 Give the fucking people freedom and make money off it, you dummies.

01:46:55.000 That's what everybody should be doing.

01:46:57.000 They should make it legal and profit off it.

01:46:59.000 And we shouldn't stop with that either.

01:47:01.000 It should go to mushrooms.

01:47:02.000 It should go to a lot of different things.

01:47:03.000 They should set up clinics.

01:47:04.000 Set up places where people can go through mushroom therapy, people that are coming back from the war, PTSD, you know.

01:47:11.000 There's so many different benefits for it.

01:47:13.000 Depression.

01:47:14.000 People that are getting ready to pass away.

01:47:18.000 They have extreme anxiety.

01:47:20.000 A lot of that is alleviated by mushrooms.

01:47:22.000 People that have gone through extensive cancer treatment and realized they're terminal.

01:47:27.000 One of the best things for these people is mushrooms.

01:47:29.000 It helps them ease their pain and suffering in their last dying days.

01:47:34.000 And it doesn't seem to have any negative effects.

01:47:36.000 Other than the occasional person losing their fucking marbles, which is going to happen no matter what you do.

01:47:41.000 It's something that should be studied, and it's something that should be free, and it could benefit people, so it should be fucking legal.

01:47:47.000 I think if everybody models what Colorado's doing, people will see it.

01:47:53.000 You know, there's a lot of naysayers in this business, and they don't understand that.

01:47:58.000 In Colorado, you get tax rebates.

01:48:01.000 Not only that, Colorado's real estate went through the fucking roof.

01:48:03.000 Yeah, you know, this is something that I hope most states go for.

01:48:09.000 And I know that there's a back angle to it.

01:48:12.000 It's a gateway drug.

01:48:13.000 It's this, it's that.

01:48:14.000 It depends what you do with it.

01:48:16.000 The only argument is traffic fatalities.

01:48:19.000 That's the only argument.

01:48:20.000 Have we had a lot of traffic fatalities?

01:48:23.000 There's been an increase in traffic fatalities.

01:48:25.000 But what I've read is it depends on who the problem is.

01:48:30.000 It's hard to find the study that's absolutely correct.

01:48:33.000 Some say there's been an increase.

01:48:35.000 Some say the increase corresponds to the population increase.

01:48:39.000 I've read that, too.

01:48:40.000 I don't know if that's true.

01:48:41.000 But that kind of makes sense, that if you get more people in the city, you're going to have more people driving, you're going to have more traffic accidents, period.

01:48:47.000 So if the number just goes up, but the population is increased by 14% or whatever it's done, that would kind of make sense.

01:48:54.000 But also, let's be honest, some people don't drive very well when they're high.

01:48:58.000 And if you're out there driving high and spacing out, you're a fucking idiot, you might slam into a car.

01:49:03.000 That's entirely possible, too.

01:49:05.000 And to deny that that's possible seems silly.

01:49:07.000 But I think that it's like everything else.

01:49:09.000 There's people that are responsible people, and there's people that aren't.

01:49:12.000 And there's people that are good drivers, and there's people that aren't.

01:49:14.000 There's people that drive distracted, there's people that don't pay attention to shit, and then there's people that do.

01:49:19.000 You know, whether they're high or sober.

01:49:20.000 I would rather have you driving high than a lot of people driving sober.

01:49:24.000 I know you don't fuck with your phone when you're driving.

01:49:26.000 I've seen you drive.

01:49:27.000 You drive.

01:49:27.000 You take it fucking seriously.

01:49:29.000 You look around.

01:49:30.000 You're not interested in getting in any stupid car accident because you weren't paying attention.

01:49:33.000 I've seen you drive.

01:49:34.000 I'll fucking take you high any day of the week.

01:49:36.000 I'll drive.

01:49:37.000 I drive.

01:49:39.000 I drive very defensively.

01:49:42.000 I watch everything.

01:49:43.000 I watch everything coming from all angles.

01:49:46.000 Especially today.

01:49:47.000 You have to double check everything when you drive.

01:49:50.000 Our dear friend Wendy Liebman got hit by a car, dog.

01:49:50.000 Yeah.

01:49:54.000 Yeah, I heard.

01:49:55.000 Three weeks ago.

01:49:56.000 Crossing the fucking street.

01:49:58.000 She broke both her legs.

01:49:59.000 Yeah.

01:50:00.000 I want people to understand that you have to have your eyes open at all times.

01:50:04.000 I don't take nothing for granted.

01:50:06.000 I don't care if that guy's stopping there.

01:50:08.000 When I'm making that right, I'm watching that motherfucker.

01:50:12.000 Plus, I gotta watch for pedestrians.

01:50:15.000 Because they will walk out anywhere.

01:50:17.000 Next thing on that, you're dragging a guy three fucking blocks.

01:50:19.000 So I did not know that Wendy was hit by a car.

01:50:22.000 I knew she was in a car accident.

01:50:23.000 No, she got hit by a car.

01:50:25.000 And she was in the right of way, the whole thing.

01:50:25.000 She was hit by a car.

01:50:28.000 I mean, somebody was telling me the story.

01:50:30.000 I mean, it was just, you have to pay fucking attention.

01:50:35.000 So I drive.

01:50:36.000 There's only a little New York in my drive.

01:50:39.000 There's only a little New York in my drive.

01:50:41.000 Number two, I drive away from people.

01:50:43.000 I do take the two or three car lanes.

01:50:46.000 I never did that until about 10 years ago, whenever you're in with somebody.

01:50:51.000 You know, we're driving in a place where you have to assume, unless you're fucking stupid, that 30% of the people for the last 10 years have been driving high.

01:51:06.000 Then you got to add another 20% for people that are texting and driving.

01:51:11.000 Then you got to add another 10% for people who are just visiting here and are looking around going, oh my God, look how beautiful California is.

01:51:20.000 It's a fuck.

01:51:21.000 Every time you get in a car, you have to drive a certain way.

01:51:26.000 Was it how I thought 20 years ago?

01:51:28.000 No, I want to get there.

01:51:29.000 Why do you think I'm against high-speed cars?

01:51:32.000 I want to do 90, Joe.

01:51:36.000 I'm getting a Porsche.

01:51:37.000 I'm doing 90. I ripped the ticket up.

01:51:40.000 You give me a ticket, I'm ripping it up.

01:51:42.000 I knew you were going to get one of those Cadillacs for a while, but you decided not to.

01:51:45.000 I got a foot.

01:51:46.000 You ever see my feet?

01:51:48.000 They're very large.

01:51:50.000 They're very large.

01:51:51.000 And once they rest on you, it's 90. Okay, so your foot's rested on that gas pedal.

01:51:56.000 I made it to San Diego and back.

01:51:59.000 Don't say anybody.

01:52:00.000 Don't tell people.

01:52:01.000 No, I've got to tell people the secret.

01:52:03.000 It's not illegal.

01:52:04.000 I'm sick and tired of people coming to me going, Oh my God, the drive to San Diego was horrific.

01:52:09.000 What time did you go?

01:52:11.000 One in the afternoon.

01:52:12.000 Can I smack you now?

01:52:13.000 Or should I smack you in the mouth later?

01:52:16.000 That's four hours.

01:52:17.000 That's three and a half.

01:52:18.000 Isn't that crazy that it takes that long?

01:52:20.000 But if you get in your car at 9, and you do fucking 80, because all you need to do is get out of LA. Once you pass the Commerce Casino, it's a river dirty.

01:52:32.000 Nobody gives a Frenchman's fuck.

01:52:34.000 You stay in that second to left lane, and you're just doing 75-80.

01:52:39.000 It's an hour, an hour 45. On the way back, I made it from La Jolla in an hour 30. Whoa.

01:52:48.000 Because that's the easy route.

01:52:50.000 As soon as you hit the 5 North, you're banging out.

01:52:53.000 That's quick.

01:52:54.000 All the way to Camp Pendleton.

01:52:56.000 You're hitting 80. You know what I'm saying?

01:52:58.000 You don't give a fuck.

01:52:59.000 That's a weird area.

01:52:59.000 You got fucking serious on...

01:53:01.000 It's nobody out there.

01:53:02.000 It's a weird area, though, too, when you're coming back from San Diego because it's militarized.

01:53:07.000 And then you're hitting 80, 80, 80, 80, 80. Then when the road starts to thin...

01:53:12.000 That means you're about to hit immigration.

01:53:14.000 They're going to ask you if you got oranges.

01:53:15.000 You know, they're never out there.

01:53:18.000 Those motherfuckers haven't been out there since 9-11, alright?

01:53:21.000 You just, once I hit that point, I kick it to 100. Till I hit Irvine.

01:53:27.000 Once I hit Irvine Spectrum, I come down to about 80, 80, 80, 80, and then I see L.A., 19 miles, back up to 100, but then you're going to hit traffic.

01:53:38.000 Oh, my God.

01:53:38.000 Because you're going to hit the 10, the 5. Everybody's hooking up.

01:53:42.000 You can get on the 101, but then I get back on that 134. And that 134, the 5 goes into the 134, and next thing you know, you're home.

01:53:54.000 No drama.

01:53:55.000 The night driving from San Diego is the way to do it.

01:53:59.000 Yeah, you definitely want to drive home after the gig.

01:54:01.000 You don't want to wait for the morning.

01:54:02.000 Fuck no.

01:54:03.000 But sometimes you're so tired, you're scared.

01:54:05.000 No, no.

01:54:06.000 That morning, that's two hours.

01:54:09.000 No.

01:54:10.000 You stop, you get yourself a nice coffee, and you fucking zang it all the way back to Los Angeles.

01:54:16.000 No, you're right.

01:54:17.000 That's what you definitely should do.

01:54:18.000 But man, you know what the key for folks who you worry about falling asleep in your car?

01:54:23.000 While you're driving, get a rag or a t-shirt and get some ice.

01:54:27.000 It's the best.

01:54:28.000 Wet rag with ice in it is the best.

01:54:31.000 Just rub it on your face real quick and it wakes you right the fuck up and it lasts for a few minutes.

01:54:35.000 Then just do it again a few minutes later and you'll be fine the whole way home.

01:54:38.000 If you can keep ice in a washcloth or something like that with ice in it and it gets wet, just keep rubbing your face, it's better than anything.

01:54:45.000 I used to smack myself in the face.

01:54:47.000 When I was getting up early in the morning to do newspapers, when I was delivering newspapers, then I would do gigs at night.

01:54:52.000 I was fucking tired, man.

01:54:54.000 And I would be coming back at midnight from this gig and I knew I had to get up at 5 a.m.

01:54:59.000 to deliver newspapers, depending upon the day.

01:55:01.000 And I would just fucking smack myself in the face because I was falling asleep at the wheel.

01:55:05.000 I would just feel my eyes getting heavy and I'm opening them up and I couldn't keep it.

01:55:10.000 I'd just fucking whack.

01:55:11.000 And if you whack yourself in the face, it lasts for like a couple of minutes.

01:55:15.000 Like you're like, jeez.

01:55:17.000 I would just, my whole face would be stinging.

01:55:19.000 You know, just like seriously slap myself really hard in the face.

01:55:22.000 I was never a fucking coffee guy.

01:55:26.000 As a kid, I mingled in Cuban coffee, but then I just strayed away from it.

01:55:31.000 So when I first started triple runs, I would have my kid at 2 in the afternoons on Sunday, and I would get off stage in Boise, Idaho at 11.30 on a triple run.

01:55:44.000 My car would be filled with gas, and I'd get in it, and I'd inhale four or five of those no-dose, and I would go to a gas station and get the biggest Mountain Dew they ever had in their life.

01:55:57.000 And that would go for six hours.

01:55:58.000 I would eat no doughs.

01:56:00.000 But one of the worst experiences I ever had was I was falling asleep like I was done.

01:56:06.000 And it was fucking ten below zero, you know?

01:56:09.000 And I pulled over on the side of the road.

01:56:11.000 I turned my lights on.

01:56:13.000 I put the brake lights on.

01:56:15.000 And I kicked the seat back and laid down with the heat blasting, and the car was on.

01:56:20.000 And at one point, I opened up my eyes, and I thought I had lost control of the car.

01:56:27.000 In your mind, you feel like it.

01:56:30.000 I remember holding onto the steering wheel and my heart almost stopped and going, thank God I didn't get fucking hit here.

01:56:37.000 But I was a no-doze.

01:56:39.000 This is way before Blue Bull, Red Bull, whatever that shit is.

01:56:43.000 But I still remember doing coke all night and shooting a short film for Fox.

01:56:49.000 And I'll never forget that fucking, they gave me two Red Bulls.

01:56:53.000 I drank two of them, and I still fell asleep.

01:56:55.000 And ever since that, I go, Red Bull sucks.

01:56:58.000 What the fuck is a Red Bull going to do?

01:57:00.000 You used to have a joke about it, yeah.

01:57:02.000 About a coke you do.

01:57:04.000 Yeah.

01:57:05.000 The fucking Red Bull don't do dick.

01:57:07.000 Hey, what do you think of this John Jones shit that's going on?

01:57:09.000 Do you know what's happening?

01:57:10.000 The UFC's moving from Vegas to Los Angeles.

01:57:11.000 I saw this last night when I got home from the comedy store.

01:57:15.000 Break it down for me.

01:57:32.000 I don't believe this.

01:57:42.000 I looked at his Cormier's Twitter and I said...

01:57:45.000 It said he tested positive again.

01:57:48.000 And then I looked and I went, what?

01:57:49.000 This is like first thing in the morning.

01:57:51.000 And he's like, again!

01:57:54.000 Again!

01:57:55.000 But, from what I understand, from reading Ariel Helwani's transcript of his interview with Andy Foster and hearing what Jeff Nowitzki has had to say about it, what it is is, The amount of it is so infinitesimal,

01:58:14.000 and it's the exact same metabolite that he had been screened for, that he tested positive for a year ago, and that this shit could stay in a system in those kind of sizes of the molecule.

01:58:27.000 It's like some 500 millionth of a grain of sand or something like that.

01:58:31.000 See, Google what the actual number of how small this molecule is.

01:58:37.000 So Andy Foster has said, again, through this transcription of this interview that he did with Ariel Helwani, that it's the same metabolite for the same substance that he tested positive for, that this is the same instance, that the number of it, and it indicates that this is something he's already been punished for.

01:58:57.000 It's the same exact.

01:58:58.000 He's already gone through his steps, and this is just an infinitesimally small metabolite.

01:59:05.000 That's what I'm hearing.

01:59:07.000 So, I would love to hear someone who doesn't think that that's the case, that thinks there might be some way to game the system, and the big thought that people always bring up when it comes to stuff is micro-dosing, someone micro-dosing.

01:59:20.000 Like, you're the one who told me about that first.

01:59:22.000 You were telling me about somebody...

01:59:24.000 Alex Rodriguez.

01:59:25.000 Yeah, who is taking...

01:59:27.000 Gummy bears.

01:59:28.000 Gummy bears.

01:59:28.000 That were testosterone.

01:59:30.000 And he would be up for the 7th, 8th, and 9th inning.

01:59:35.000 But by the time the 10th inning came, if they tested him, it would be out of his system.

01:59:40.000 So I would imagine the testing is better now, and this is one of the things that Nowitzki wants to get into, that the testing is far superior now, so you're able to pick up these metabolites in much, much smaller quantities.

01:59:53.000 Okay.

01:59:54.000 So this test is from December 9th.

01:59:57.000 Yes.

01:59:57.000 I want to see what his test was leading up to that and since then.

02:00:03.000 Everything apparently was clean before that.

02:00:04.000 He said, we were notified earlier this month of an issue he has had over his most recent tests were a very small amount.

02:00:09.000 I'll in fact describe how small it is.

02:00:12.000 Of a long-term metabolite substance called DHCMT, known as oral turinibol, which is the reason for its most recent suspension a year and a half ago, a very, very small amount.

02:00:26.000 But there was a number that...

02:00:28.000 I thought he said it too, but I don't know why it's not there.

02:00:30.000 Where does it say the number?

02:00:32.000 He said rice.

02:00:33.000 Yeah, something like how much smaller it is than a grain of rice.

02:00:37.000 Can't find it.

02:00:38.000 Yeah.

02:00:38.000 Let's try to find it.

02:00:41.000 Yeah, look, I get how everybody would be fucking pissed.

02:00:46.000 I get how everybody would think that he's a cheater, he's cheating again.

02:00:51.000 I get that you would think that.

02:00:53.000 But I don't know if that's true.

02:00:55.000 And if it's not true, it would be a shame to accuse him of it.

02:00:59.000 If it is the same stuff that was in his system that was ruled to be from a tainted supplement.

02:01:05.000 Here it is.

02:01:07.000 A picogram is one trillionth of a gram, Nowitzki said.

02:01:11.000 If you put one grain of salt on a table and split it up into 50 million pieces, a picogram is one of those pieces of that gram of salt, which is insane.

02:01:23.000 So that grain of salt, it's 50 million times smaller than that.

02:01:29.000 It's crazy.

02:01:30.000 So it's very, very, very, very small.

02:01:33.000 If this is true, and they believe it's true, and the guy who runs the California State Athletic Commission, Andy Foster, I have a great deal, tremendous amount of respect for that guy.

02:01:44.000 Very proactive with weight cutting, very proactive with weight classes, very proactive with a lot of the rules.

02:01:50.000 He's really good.

02:01:53.000 Scientifically been proven to be from the same exact thing that he already has been punished for.

02:01:58.000 I agree with them.

02:02:00.000 That guy knows what the fuck he's talking about.

02:02:03.000 He's legit.

02:02:04.000 So is Nowitzki.

02:02:05.000 So are these people that are all saying that it's legit.

02:02:07.000 Here's the question though.

02:02:09.000 Have other people been still punished For the exact same crime.

02:02:15.000 Have other people tested positive again for the exact same thing?

02:02:19.000 This I do not know, and I don't know if people are looking into that.

02:02:23.000 If there is any preferential treatment, that would be where the argument would be with preferential treatment.

02:02:29.000 These fucking tainted supplements are a legitimate problem.

02:02:32.000 I mean, Nowitzki showed us hundreds and hundreds of supplements you could buy at any store that has, you know, vitamins and muscle builders and all those kind of things that test positive for steroids.

02:02:44.000 There's a shit ton of them out there, man.

02:02:47.000 You can get a lot of stuff in these systems, but then there's also people that are taking steroids.

02:02:52.000 So how do you know who's who?

02:02:54.000 The only way to find out who's who is don't take shit.

02:02:56.000 Don't take anything.

02:02:57.000 Unless it's third party tested, don't take anything controversial.

02:03:00.000 Don't take anything squirrely.

02:03:02.000 And sometimes people do.

02:03:04.000 And it's fucked up that maybe they lack a supplement, maybe they've had good results with it, and then they get one bad batch.

02:03:11.000 That's possible too.

02:03:12.000 I just want to know that this was from December 9th.

02:03:16.000 I want to know what the levels of that drug they found were before December 9th.

02:03:22.000 It takes a long time to go away.

02:03:23.000 I understand.

02:03:24.000 But every time you urine, the levels should get lower and lower and lower.

02:03:30.000 I think what they're saying is this is the lowest detectable number.

02:03:34.000 So there's no lower than this.

02:03:36.000 They should have found this before.

02:03:38.000 Maybe not.

02:03:40.000 Maybe, maybe not.

02:03:42.000 See, these numbers, the way it's been explained to me, and again, I'm not a fucking scientist, but the way it's been explained to me, this number is so small that it could conceivably be tested in one test and not tested in another test, and then also, as the testing procedures get more and more thorough,

02:03:58.000 they get better at it, they're detecting things they couldn't detect maybe even just a year ago.

02:04:04.000 The technology is continuing to grow, and they're getting much better at understanding how to use it and how to advance it.

02:04:12.000 So it's not as simple as you test positive a year ago, you test negative today.

02:04:17.000 They might have better methods of detection today than they had a year ago.

02:04:21.000 You got arrested today, Joe.

02:04:24.000 The judge is going to say, Joe Rogan, I'm releasing you on bail.

02:04:28.000 But the DA wants you to take a urine test.

02:04:30.000 Right.

02:04:31.000 And samples, and if you come back dirty.

02:04:33.000 The first UA is free.

02:04:36.000 They know who Joe Rogan is.

02:04:37.000 You're going to go in there and your THC levels are going to be off the chain.

02:04:41.000 This is going to be off the chain.

02:04:42.000 This is going to be off the chain.

02:04:44.000 When they come back, they're going to call you.

02:04:46.000 And they're going to go, Joe Rogan, this is what it was now.

02:04:49.000 This is this.

02:04:51.000 The next time we test you, it better not be higher than 26% because we know you're using.

02:04:57.000 This is in 1987. The lady told me, I'll know if you're using or not.

02:05:02.000 And I stayed to the program and it went down, down, down, down, down.

02:05:06.000 And then I joined a voluntary group.

02:05:10.000 And my buddy sent me an eighth of Thai weed.

02:05:13.000 And I remember smoking a joint and going back.

02:05:15.000 And the guy's like, dog, did you smoke a joint before you came in for the test?

02:05:21.000 It was like levels we've never seen before.

02:05:26.000 I'm telling you about this.

02:05:28.000 This is a funny joke and whatever.

02:05:31.000 I want to see the test before the 9th, and I want to see the test, the most recent test.

02:05:36.000 Those levels had to go down.

02:05:38.000 I understand what you're saying, Joey, but it's not necessarily correct.

02:05:42.000 Unless he did the steroid during non-competition season, which they're allowed to do whatever the fuck they want.

02:05:49.000 No, they're not.

02:05:50.000 That's not true.

02:05:50.000 They're never allowed to do that.

02:05:51.000 I don't know what the fuck they're allowed to do.

02:05:52.000 No, they can never take steroids.

02:05:53.000 There's a banned list of things they can never, ever have in their system.

02:05:57.000 See, if you're not fighting, they'll still test you.

02:06:00.000 Say if you don't have a camp, you're not in camp, you don't have a bout lined up, they'll still test you.

02:06:05.000 Hey Joey Diaz, how are you?

02:06:06.000 Come on in the bathroom, we're going to get some fluids from you.

02:06:09.000 I don't know if they're using just urine, or if it's urine and blood.

02:06:14.000 I'm not sure with the protocol, but I do know that it's very thorough.

02:06:17.000 And they're catching people for things that they would have never caught them for in the past.

02:06:21.000 And this is one of the things about this test.

02:06:24.000 It could possibly be, as it's been explained to me, that this number is so fucking small that they might not even have been able to detect it a year ago.

02:06:34.000 That this number, this insanely small number, there's new levels of detection now.

02:06:39.000 Whereas he would be completely negative X amount of time in the past, now they can test it and they can find that insanely 50 millionth of a grain of salt size particle.

02:06:50.000 It's so fucking small that they weren't able to catch something like that X amount of time in the past, whether it's a year ago or two years, but now they can.

02:06:59.000 And in the future, it's going to be even better.

02:07:00.000 They're going to keep getting better at this stuff as they advance the technology.

02:07:03.000 That's...

02:07:04.000 As it's been explained to me, what you're seeing here.

02:07:06.000 What you're seeing here is not evidence of new drug use.

02:07:10.000 It's evidence that the testing is far better and that he has the exact same metabolite and he definitely did have it in the system because they're finding it a year later in this tiny amount.

02:07:22.000 His body hasn't completely gotten rid of it yet.

02:07:24.000 Still in there.

02:07:25.000 The question is, how long does that stuff stay in your system?

02:07:28.000 They've said through normal detection, I believe, Google this, make sure this is correct, but through normal detection, it's not, I mean, from whatever the time they wrote this stuff out, I believe they were saying it could be detected up to 18 months.

02:07:44.000 But again, as this technology gets better and they can detect smaller and smaller particles, it's potentially possible that that might extend.

02:07:52.000 So it might not just be 18 months, it might be 19 or 20, or who knows how long it takes for your body to get rid of that shit.

02:07:58.000 Now the guys like Cormier and Gustafson and guys that, you know...

02:08:04.000 They look at this as where there's smoke, there's fire, Joe Rowe.

02:08:07.000 Yes.

02:08:08.000 And they have a point, too.

02:08:09.000 And they have a point, also.

02:08:10.000 I'm not mad at them for that.

02:08:12.000 I'm a big fan of John Jones, personally.

02:08:16.000 I am, too.

02:08:18.000 For what he does, I love him to death.

02:08:20.000 When I saw him in Albuquerque, he came to the show, we laughed.

02:08:25.000 I don't think, I don't know what to think anymore.

02:08:28.000 You know, I don't know what to think.

02:08:31.000 This one really, you know, and I feel bad.

02:08:36.000 You and I both know this is the card of the year.

02:08:39.000 It's a phenomenal card.

02:08:40.000 This is the card when people fly in and they make plans around it and they do a bunch of stuff around it.

02:08:47.000 I feel bad for those people.

02:08:49.000 I know what this is like for them.

02:08:51.000 They just lost their Saturday night activity.

02:08:53.000 Well, in Vegas, it takes a big hit, too, because this was going to be taking place in Vegas.

02:08:57.000 All those people are going to be in town.

02:08:59.000 It's going to be a tremendous amount of money for the casinos, and I'm sure it was a lot of money for them there.

02:09:04.000 It was a big thing to have there, a bigger arena.

02:09:07.000 So they're moving it to the Forum, which is a smaller place.

02:09:10.000 The Forum in Inglewood is...

02:09:12.000 I don't know how much smaller it is than T-Mobile Arena, but...

02:09:15.000 Dana was saying he could make about $6 million on the gate at T-Mobile Arena, and he's going to be lucky to make a million in the forum.

02:09:23.000 That makes sense.

02:09:24.000 It's different prices, too, in Vegas, and also the fact that it's such short timing.

02:09:29.000 I don't know what they do with the original tickets.

02:09:31.000 I don't know how it works.

02:09:33.000 This is what happened the very first UFC I ever did.

02:09:36.000 The very first UFC I ever worked was in Dothan, Alabama.

02:09:39.000 UFC 12. But it was supposed to be New York State.

02:09:41.000 They cancelled it in New York State.

02:09:42.000 They wouldn't let them do it.

02:09:43.000 They switched the whole thing overnight down to Dothan, Alabama.

02:09:48.000 They'd take one of them helicopter planes and fly into fucking Dothan.

02:09:53.000 It was weird.

02:09:54.000 It was weird back then, man.

02:09:56.000 But that's the only time I've ever heard of something changing this close to...

02:10:01.000 That was one day.

02:10:01.000 This is one week.

02:10:03.000 I've never heard of an event changing like this before.

02:10:05.000 Not that I can remember.

02:10:06.000 I don't know what the fuck is happening.

02:10:08.000 I really don't.

02:10:09.000 But they seem very confident that you're not dealing with someone who's taking a drug again.

02:10:16.000 You're dealing with the very same drug that he took X amount of months ago still in his system.

02:10:21.000 The drug that he's already been punished for.

02:10:24.000 I understand that people get mad, but you don't want to accuse someone of something that they're not really guilty of.

02:10:33.000 He's definitely guilty of taking it the first time.

02:10:35.000 People are accusing him of being stupid and taking it again.

02:10:39.000 I don't think that's true.

02:10:41.000 I don't know for a fact, but what I'm reading from actual experts leads me to believe that they're making sense.

02:10:52.000 But I would have to talk to someone who disagrees, who knows more about it than me, to really form an opinion.

02:10:57.000 So my opinion is like, well, if I had a bet, I would say he probably didn't do anything.

02:11:02.000 But I would like to talk to someone who's like a real fucking expert, who could break down exactly what the process is, who could tell you if it is even possible that this could be from another ingestion somewhere along the line.

02:11:15.000 You want me to tell you what the sad...

02:11:17.000 Sad thing about this whole situation is that it really, really, from the bottom of my heart, was a great card.

02:11:26.000 Oh, it's a great card.

02:11:27.000 You know, when BJ Penn's on a card and nobody even talks about it, nobody even mentioned BJ Penn.

02:11:33.000 Well, you know, BJ's had some tough fights.

02:11:35.000 I was looking for Carlos and Michael Chiesa, you know, Amanda Nunes and Cyborg.

02:11:43.000 I haven't slept for a week trying to figure that fight out.

02:11:48.000 John Jones, Gustafson, just to look at it, let's pretend it's still in Vegas.

02:11:53.000 You know, you got a guy who's been active, a guy who's been fighting, a guy who's angry, a guy who felt he beat John Jones the first time.

02:12:02.000 Against a very, very talented, dangerous, and rested John Jones.

02:12:07.000 Is there ring dust?

02:12:09.000 You know, is there ring rust?

02:12:11.000 I'm sorry, ring dust.

02:12:12.000 What the fuck am I talking about?

02:12:14.000 You know, look at this, you know, Amanda, Chris Cyborg has been bit slapping motherfuckers since day one.

02:12:22.000 Amanda Nunes is something that you taught me about that's not around anymore, and that's being slick.

02:12:29.000 Amanda Nunes is very slick.

02:12:31.000 She's taking on some tough opponents.

02:12:33.000 She hits very hard, too.

02:12:35.000 She hits really long arms, really wide shoulders.

02:12:37.000 Fucking Carlos Conduit, Michael Chaser.

02:12:40.000 This is a great fucking fight right here.

02:12:43.000 You know, Chad Mendes, Alexander Volkanovsky.

02:12:48.000 Fucking tremendous.

02:12:49.000 That's a great fight, too.

02:12:50.000 Chad Mendes looked amazing in his comeback fight.

02:12:52.000 Scroll back up to the Chris Cyborg Amanda Nunes fight.

02:12:55.000 I read Chris Corey Anderson's letter.

02:12:58.000 It's real heartbreaking.

02:13:00.000 His wife's seven months pregnant.

02:13:01.000 Now they gotta get to LA. You know, this has to be taken care of.

02:13:05.000 It's a disaster.

02:13:06.000 But this, honestly, guys, was one of those cards that I look at and go, okay, one of the main two fights.

02:13:14.000 I know...

02:13:16.000 Favorite, on paper, you gotta go with Cyborg and Jon Jones.

02:13:19.000 But, guess what, people?

02:13:21.000 You've never seen a bookie with a part-time job.

02:13:23.000 So somebody's gotta lose one of these fights.

02:13:25.000 Keep scrolling if you don't mind.

02:13:27.000 See, the thing about Chris Cyborg is, she's not just good.

02:13:30.000 She's good and big.

02:13:31.000 Oh!

02:13:32.000 Katzengano Megan Anderson.

02:13:35.000 Andre Olasky's fighting on this card.

02:13:37.000 She's Australian, you gotta say Megan.

02:13:39.000 Megan, whatever.

02:13:40.000 You know me, dog.

02:13:41.000 I'm no fucking English major.

02:13:43.000 And you got BJ Penn, Ryan fucking Hall.

02:13:46.000 I think that's the first fight of the night.

02:13:47.000 It's the first fight of the night.

02:13:49.000 Crazy.

02:13:50.000 Yeah.

02:13:52.000 I saw a picture of Jackson Gano on Instagram the other day.

02:13:57.000 She looks phenomenal.

02:13:58.000 She looks fucking phenomenal, bro.

02:14:01.000 It's a shame that this had to be done.

02:14:04.000 I'm sorry.

02:14:05.000 I'm happy that the fights are taking place.

02:14:07.000 Yeah, I'm just happy that they're taking place.

02:14:09.000 I'm sorry that everybody gets their life disrupted and their families have to go from Vegas to LA to see the fight.

02:14:14.000 I'm sorry about all the hotel bullshit that they have to deal with.

02:14:17.000 But I'm very happy that the fight is still taking place.

02:14:21.000 I would love it if Uber ran a fucking special for people.

02:14:25.000 Just a flat.

02:14:26.000 Yeah.

02:14:27.000 Just run a flat for fucking people out of Vegas.

02:14:30.000 300. That's never gonna happen.

02:14:32.000 Bro, you never know, Joe Rogan.

02:14:33.000 You never know.

02:14:34.000 You never know.

02:14:35.000 People need fucking action.

02:14:36.000 Come on, let's go.

02:14:37.000 Uber, step up, bitch.

02:14:39.000 Make a flat rate for three fucking people to fucking forum and 300 back.

02:14:44.000 People would do it.

02:14:45.000 No one's driving an Uber.

02:14:46.000 Some guy farting in a car all the way from Vegas to LA. Get out of here.

02:14:50.000 Why would you do that when you take a flight?

02:14:51.000 Because the flight is going to be...

02:14:53.000 Southwest is not that expensive.

02:14:54.000 Uber is more expensive.

02:14:55.000 It is on a day's notice.

02:14:56.000 Is it?

02:14:57.000 How much does Southwest cost?

02:14:59.000 It's $255.

02:15:00.000 But here's the thing.

02:15:01.000 It's $300 to drive in a car with a guy farting for three hours.

02:15:04.000 But for three, $300 divided by three, I saved $200 something, Joe Roman.

02:15:09.000 You have to look at them from their perspective.

02:15:09.000 Probably more than $300.

02:15:11.000 You know, they've already fucking taken a plane ticket.

02:15:14.000 They're losing a day of work.

02:15:14.000 Oh, listen, I understand.

02:15:16.000 This is a lot.

02:15:18.000 Well, also, they can't gamble.

02:15:19.000 Like, a lot of people love the combination of gambling and going to the fights.

02:15:22.000 Gambling and going to the show.

02:15:23.000 Exactly.

02:15:24.000 So a lot of people are stuck.

02:15:25.000 A lot of people are going to fuck it.

02:15:26.000 I'll just take my money from the ticket and stay and gamble an extra day or whatever because what's it going to cost me to Uber to L.A., get out, party?

02:15:36.000 Are you going to come to L.A. and just get in the car?

02:15:39.000 That's what you're trying to tell me?

02:15:40.000 No, you want to go to a party.

02:15:42.000 Yeah.

02:15:45.000 What's his name?

02:15:46.000 John Jones might be having a party.

02:15:48.000 Carlos Condor might be having an after-party.

02:15:51.000 Uriah Hall.

02:15:51.000 I think Uriah Hall's on this card, too.

02:15:54.000 Is he?

02:15:54.000 It wasn't in the...

02:15:55.000 Yeah, Uriah Hall's on this card, I think.

02:15:58.000 Is he?

02:15:59.000 Yeah.

02:15:59.000 Early prelim?

02:15:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:16:01.000 After B.J. Penn?

02:16:03.000 Oh, wow.

02:16:04.000 Yeah.

02:16:05.000 Okay, we didn't see it.

02:16:05.000 Look at this part.

02:16:06.000 You got to know who's having Brian Kelleher.

02:16:09.000 C.R. Bajardzara's fighting Curtis Millinder.

02:16:11.000 That is a fucking sleeper fight right there.

02:16:13.000 Yeah, no.

02:16:14.000 C.R. is a fucking beast, man.

02:16:15.000 This is very sad.

02:16:17.000 Curtis Millinder, that guy is, he's got serious potential.

02:16:20.000 He's got like superstar, future superstar potential.

02:16:23.000 He's very good.

02:16:25.000 That's a good fight.

02:16:27.000 I like that a lot.

02:16:29.000 Curtis Millinder is the one.

02:16:30.000 He fought Tiago Alves and stopped him, right?

02:16:34.000 Click on that.

02:16:35.000 Make sure that's correct.

02:16:37.000 Does it show his record?

02:16:41.000 Does it show his record?

02:16:43.000 How good is their website now?

02:16:45.000 It's pretty good?

02:16:46.000 Yeah, that's it.

02:16:47.000 Tiago Alves.

02:16:48.000 He beat Tiago Alves.

02:16:49.000 Yeah.

02:16:51.000 And then he beat Max Griffin.

02:16:52.000 He's a beast, man.

02:16:53.000 He's very good.

02:16:54.000 Real massive future potential.

02:16:58.000 And Bahar Dezada knocks people dead.

02:17:00.000 He hits hard.

02:17:01.000 That's a sleeper fight.

02:17:02.000 That's a fight that no one's talking about.

02:17:03.000 Very, very good fight.

02:17:05.000 It's going to be a great card, man.

02:17:06.000 I'm happy the card's happening.

02:17:08.000 I hope everybody gets compensated.

02:17:10.000 I'm sorry that the UFC loses money.

02:17:11.000 I'm sorry that everybody gets dragged through.

02:17:13.000 I don't understand why they couldn't just...

02:17:15.000 Figure out this in Nevada.

02:17:17.000 I guess they're on vacation or some shit.

02:17:20.000 That's so crazy.

02:17:21.000 Figure it out.

02:17:22.000 Everybody, let's make a phone call.

02:17:24.000 Isn't there one person?

02:17:25.000 Some person should say, okay, is it to the best of your knowledge absolutely from the original test?

02:17:30.000 Yes, sir.

02:17:31.000 By all the science.

02:17:32.000 We're going to submit the science.

02:17:33.000 We're going to show you the science.

02:17:35.000 We're going to tell you the number.

02:17:36.000 Okay, let him fight.

02:17:38.000 What the fuck are you letting him fight?

02:17:39.000 Let him fight!

02:17:40.000 If you're going to let him fight in California, let him fucking fight in Nevada.

02:17:44.000 Stupid.

02:17:45.000 How fucked up is bureaucracy?

02:17:47.000 It's just dumb.

02:17:48.000 Stupid.

02:17:48.000 In this case, it's stupid.

02:17:50.000 In this case, it's a fucking...

02:17:51.000 They're on vacation?

02:17:52.000 Yes.

02:17:52.000 Well, let's have a fucking emergency meeting.

02:17:55.000 Yeah.

02:17:55.000 Let's say Vegas...

02:17:57.000 The tourism board in Vegas must be steaming.

02:18:00.000 Hey, ask this.

02:18:01.000 Ask this.

02:18:01.000 Google this.

02:18:02.000 Find out who's disputing.

02:18:04.000 If anybody makes any sense.

02:18:07.000 If there's a scientist or someone like that who says that it could be microdosing or that what the California State Athletic Commission's understanding of it is not correct.

02:18:19.000 Let's find out if there's anybody that has written anything about that.

02:18:23.000 I'm upset.

02:18:24.000 I just wanted this fight to take place without any bullshit behind it.

02:18:27.000 I just want it to be a great fight.

02:18:29.000 It's an amazing matchup.

02:18:31.000 I think Gustafson, especially against Glover Teixeira, has never looked better.

02:18:36.000 He's long as John.

02:18:37.000 He's got crazy footwork.

02:18:39.000 He's the first guy to ever take John down.

02:18:42.000 It was a fucking tough fight, regardless of whether or not John prepared much for it.

02:18:46.000 I don't think he did prepare as good as he could have.

02:18:49.000 Gustafson's better, I think, than he was when that fight took place.

02:18:52.000 I really do think he's better.

02:18:54.000 It's fucking phenomenal.

02:18:56.000 It's an amazing fight.

02:18:57.000 And John's going to be so motivated to get stripped the way he got stripped, all the different things that he's fucked up, to have a chance at redemption.

02:19:05.000 He's going to be so motivated.

02:19:07.000 But you also have to consider the incredible amount of pressure he's going to be under, too.

02:19:12.000 Historically, though, he's a guy who shines under pressure.

02:19:14.000 I mean, stopped Shogun in his first title fight when he was, what was he, 22 or something like that?

02:19:19.000 He's a monster.

02:19:20.000 Jon's always been good at fighting top-level competition, good at handling the stress.

02:19:26.000 This is, you know, this is a different kind of stress.

02:19:28.000 This is, I fucked up stress.

02:19:30.000 It's not, this is a big fight.

02:19:32.000 This is a big fight plus I fucked up and everybody knows I fucked up.

02:19:36.000 And this is not even the current fuck-up.

02:19:38.000 It's reminding him of the past fuck-up.

02:19:40.000 And then there's the other stuff.

02:19:41.000 The car accident and all the other crazy shit.

02:19:45.000 All of it's bad.

02:19:47.000 But he has an opportunity at redemption.

02:19:49.000 It's just when you know how much is on the line.

02:19:52.000 Because he's undefeated, right?

02:19:53.000 Except for the Matt Hamill fight, which we know he was destroying Hamill and he was disqualified.

02:19:59.000 It wasn't a real loss like somebody beat him.

02:20:01.000 He's beaten everybody.

02:20:03.000 That's unprecedented.

02:20:04.000 Outside of Khabib Nurmagomedov, nobody beats everybody.

02:20:07.000 John's beaten everybody.

02:20:08.000 So there's going to be a certain amount of people that are looking forward for him to fail.

02:20:12.000 And he feels that too.

02:20:14.000 There's a lot going on, man.

02:20:15.000 There's a lot going on in this fight.

02:20:16.000 And Gustafson is fucking good.

02:20:19.000 You ever see the combination he knocked out Clover Teixeira with?

02:20:22.000 Woo!

02:20:22.000 That's like some video game shit, man.

02:20:25.000 It was like he was in Mortal Kombat.

02:20:27.000 It was tremendous.

02:20:28.000 His footwork, everything.

02:20:29.000 I was really...

02:20:30.000 I gotta work Saturday night.

02:20:32.000 I'm working.

02:20:33.000 I'm an ox nut all weekend.

02:20:34.000 Oh, you really?

02:20:35.000 Yeah.

02:20:36.000 I forgot.

02:20:37.000 I thought it was this last weekend.

02:20:38.000 It's a great club.

02:20:39.000 I thought it was this last weekend.

02:20:41.000 So I called the store...

02:20:44.000 I called in, and then I go, fuck, no, I'm not missing that.

02:20:47.000 And I called back and canceled.

02:20:49.000 And then like Wednesday, I go, what the fuck am I thinking?

02:20:52.000 So I ended up back at the store Saturday night.

02:20:54.000 I squeezed on to Brian's show.

02:20:56.000 I got to see Tiffany Haddish.

02:20:58.000 I hadn't seen her since she busted out and became a star.

02:21:02.000 It was great just to see her and bullshit with her.

02:21:05.000 And then last night I went down, and there was two shows, and I'm leaving.

02:21:09.000 They're like, hey, you want to open up for Chappelle?

02:21:11.000 I go, Chappelle?

02:21:13.000 Where?

02:21:14.000 And he goes, he's doing the show in the belly room.

02:21:16.000 There was a fucking line around the corner.

02:21:19.000 On a Sunday night.

02:21:20.000 I pulled out of it.

02:21:21.000 I was like, this is crazy.

02:21:23.000 This is getting so fucking insane.

02:21:25.000 I took two weeks off.

02:21:28.000 Getting on stage.

02:21:29.000 After La Jolla, I did two nights in La Jolla, and that was tremendous too, Joe Rogan.

02:21:35.000 La Jolla's amazing.

02:21:35.000 You know, La Jolla is the room you go to when you want to put, you want to thread that hour together.

02:21:41.000 They take the ride with you.

02:21:43.000 That's one of the few rooms that takes the ride Did you do two shows a night down there?

02:21:48.000 Yeah.

02:21:48.000 Two shows Friday, two shows night?

02:21:49.000 Yeah.

02:21:50.000 That place is amazing.

02:21:51.000 That's like a comedy store south.

02:21:54.000 Yeah.

02:21:54.000 It really is.

02:21:55.000 But a little bit more loose.

02:21:57.000 Yeah.

02:21:57.000 Even though it's Friday and Saturday, we'll let you try some new shit on this.

02:22:00.000 They're fun people down there, man.

02:22:02.000 Very fun.

02:22:03.000 That's a nice area.

02:22:04.000 Like, San Diego has a lot of the same qualities that LA has, but it's more like, a little bit more the rest of the country.

02:22:10.000 La Jolla is beautiful.

02:22:13.000 I even went to Rada Jiu Jitsu.

02:22:15.000 I trained one day down there.

02:22:17.000 The place is right next to the fucking comedy store.

02:22:21.000 Really?

02:22:21.000 Yeah, I just looked it up, called the guy.

02:22:25.000 That's awesome.

02:22:27.000 You know, La Jolla is, that's where you move to when you got a lot of gi to start.

02:22:36.000 That's a lot of genius.

02:22:37.000 Doesn't Dick Cheney live down there?

02:22:38.000 He lives on that Coronado Island, doesn't he?

02:22:40.000 I don't know.

02:22:41.000 Or Donald Rumsfeld.

02:22:42.000 I don't know who fucking lives down there.

02:22:44.000 A lot of rich dudes.

02:22:45.000 But it is just gorgeous.

02:22:47.000 You can't see at night.

02:22:48.000 There's no lights on the streets.

02:22:50.000 There's nothing.

02:22:51.000 They encourage that.

02:22:53.000 Listen, 9.30?

02:22:54.000 Go to bed.

02:22:54.000 Go to fucking bed.

02:22:57.000 Go to bed.

02:22:58.000 All right?

02:22:58.000 You want to mingle?

02:22:59.000 Go to fucking down the side, whatever street.

02:23:03.000 Scotty sure lives down there.

02:23:04.000 He showed up.

02:23:05.000 Did he?

02:23:05.000 He showed up on Saturday night.

02:23:07.000 He's great.

02:23:08.000 Gave me a hug.

02:23:10.000 It was great to see him.

02:23:11.000 Did he have his little dog with him?

02:23:12.000 He had the little dog with him.

02:23:14.000 Because I do a joke about a guy getting his dick sucked with a dog.

02:23:18.000 So at the end he goes, did I inspire you?

02:23:20.000 Did you see the dog?

02:23:21.000 I go, no, I didn't see the dog.

02:23:23.000 That's hilarious.

02:23:24.000 He came down to see Lou still playing the piano.

02:23:28.000 I mean, the comedy store down there did not lose anything except Mitzi Shaw.

02:23:34.000 Plus, it's got more shit on the walls that you look at and really makes you think.

02:23:40.000 There's pictures of Green Rooms with Jim Carrey and Paul Rodriguez and Dice Clay and Louie Anderson at a time that they didn't even know there were going to be stars.

02:23:50.000 How many shows have we done down there?

02:23:53.000 God, we did a lot of shows down there, Joey.

02:23:55.000 A lot of shows down there, dog.

02:23:56.000 When did we first start working together down there?

02:24:00.000 I think the first time I went down there, I went down there with a girl comic.

02:24:07.000 Who was it?

02:24:08.000 I don't remember what her name was.

02:24:10.000 It was a very uncomfortable weekend because she was clean.

02:24:14.000 Oh, you had to stay in the condo with her?

02:24:15.000 Yeah.

02:24:16.000 Oh, that's crazy.

02:24:17.000 Imagine being a girl and being forced to stay in a condo with a guy that you don't even know.

02:24:20.000 She stayed in the headliner room.

02:24:22.000 I stayed in the feature room at that time.

02:24:25.000 Still, it's weird.

02:24:26.000 Then I went down there.

02:24:27.000 She wouldn't book me down there.

02:24:29.000 But once she started booking me, she booked me a lot.

02:24:32.000 Mitzi.

02:24:33.000 Yeah, and I remember going down there one time, and I went down there with Marilyn Martinez and her husband.

02:24:40.000 And we weren't there an hour, and Marilyn Martinez's husband comes out with a fucking rat.

02:24:47.000 Whoa.

02:24:48.000 With a rat...

02:24:50.000 A trap?

02:24:50.000 A trap that he set.

02:24:52.000 He goes, we weren't here a motherfucker because the rumor was there were rats down there.

02:24:56.000 Be careful.

02:24:58.000 So he went down and set traps up.

02:25:00.000 Within an hour you hear, bah!

02:25:02.000 Oh my god.

02:25:03.000 The fucking thing had to be nine inches long.

02:25:06.000 The tail...

02:25:07.000 And I'll never forget going on the balcony and hearing them in the weeds.

02:25:10.000 I packed up my little sleep apnea machine and I fucking drove back home.

02:25:15.000 I fucking hate rats.

02:25:17.000 I fucking hate it.

02:25:18.000 Well, the store has so many rats.

02:25:20.000 That back area.

02:25:21.000 Oh my god.

02:25:23.000 They're fucking popping out every time we're sitting back there.

02:25:25.000 There's a little, for folks who are listening to this, there's a little back bar area where only comics and their friends can go.

02:25:30.000 And behind the back bar is a smoking area.

02:25:32.000 And that smoking area has these railroad ties.

02:25:35.000 These railroad ties, these rats will run in and out of these ties and over the top.

02:25:39.000 You see them lately?

02:25:40.000 All the time.

02:25:41.000 All the time.

02:25:43.000 If I'm back there for more than 15 minutes, I'm seeing a rat.

02:25:47.000 And if you go near the hedges by the dumpster, that's where they really are.

02:25:53.000 The back area is not that big.

02:25:55.000 It's the hills.

02:25:56.000 The hills are filled with rats.

02:25:57.000 The Hollywood Hills are filled with rats.

02:25:59.000 And occasionally we have cats that hang around the parking lot of the Comedy Store, like local feral cats.

02:26:05.000 But they don't get the rats because the rats go in the fucking vines.

02:26:10.000 Those vines that cover the side of the Comedy Store ramp, the ramp that leads up to the Andaz Hotel, those vines are all rats.

02:26:18.000 That's a rat village.

02:26:19.000 It's crazy how much sound they make.

02:26:22.000 When you're parking the car, you hear them scurrying.

02:26:26.000 There's like probably hundreds of rats there.

02:26:29.000 Dude.

02:26:30.000 I know whenever I park my car, I dump so I close the windows.

02:26:34.000 Ugh.

02:26:35.000 Because I know I don't want to jump into a car with a fucking mouth.

02:26:38.000 Listen to me.

02:26:40.000 I just leave fucking...

02:26:42.000 I leave Aspen.

02:26:45.000 I owe like $80,000.

02:26:47.000 I got eight people looking for me.

02:26:49.000 The cops are looking for me.

02:26:50.000 I go from Aspen to Boulder.

02:26:53.000 I need a job.

02:26:54.000 So I take a job making Joe.

02:26:56.000 I'm not kidding you.

02:26:57.000 160 a week.

02:26:59.000 60 hours.

02:27:00.000 Wow.

02:27:01.000 As a fucking shag.

02:27:03.000 Which, I'm the guy that takes the car from you to the body shop.

02:27:07.000 When you pull up, I'm the guy that takes it, and I wash it, and then they start the body work.

02:27:12.000 And then after they've done the body work, I'm the guy that washes it.

02:27:17.000 And if you do that for three or four months, then they turn you into a detailer.

02:27:21.000 And I passed the test, and I became a detailer.

02:27:24.000 You didn't mean $160 a week?

02:27:25.000 Oh, it was fucking garbage.

02:27:27.000 I was starving.

02:27:29.000 Starving.

02:27:30.000 But I was good, and I became a detailer.

02:27:33.000 The detailing was commissioned.

02:27:36.000 And you made $100 to $1.50 a day.

02:27:38.000 You know, I was enjoying it.

02:27:40.000 But the guy I had as a boss was a dick.

02:27:44.000 His name was Dirk Jordan.

02:27:46.000 He was just a dick, dog.

02:27:48.000 He was one of those guys that was one of us, but one day he got the manager's job.

02:27:53.000 And one night I'm back there washing a fucking car.

02:27:57.000 And I see a dead rat.

02:27:59.000 And I picked the fucking rat up.

02:28:01.000 And he had his jacket hanging by the door.

02:28:04.000 I put the dead rat in his pocket of his jacket, right?

02:28:08.000 You know me, though.

02:28:10.000 I go home, I get stoned.

02:28:11.000 I don't know nothing.

02:28:12.000 The next morning, he comes in, bro, and his car is fucked up.

02:28:18.000 Like, he hit, like, a pole.

02:28:20.000 Yeah!

02:28:22.000 He reached it and fell the rat.

02:28:24.000 He went in his pocket to get a cigarette.

02:28:27.000 And he pulled the fucking rat out.

02:28:29.000 And he fucking just went crazy and hit like a pole.

02:28:32.000 He came in running.

02:28:33.000 I know who did this.

02:28:35.000 I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.

02:28:36.000 And he kept blaming some other guy.

02:28:38.000 I'm sitting all the time fucking giggling my fucking ass up.

02:28:44.000 Bosses.

02:28:46.000 Fuck, man.

02:28:47.000 That's one of the worst relationships ever.

02:28:49.000 A Boston employee.

02:28:50.000 One of the worst relationships.

02:28:52.000 Some guy gets to tell you what to do.

02:28:54.000 He's the head guy at the office.

02:28:56.000 You gotta listen to this fuckhead.

02:28:58.000 That is one of the worst positions to be in.

02:29:01.000 Working for a guy who's a dick...

02:29:03.000 And that power that someone would have, you know, if you moved on up, became the office manager, you can control people's future, control whether they get a raise, how much time they get off, you can make the decisions, whether or not you allowed them to do certain things.

02:29:20.000 It's a fucking terrible relationship.

02:29:21.000 What was the worst boss you ever had?

02:29:23.000 Let's come on and be clean.

02:29:25.000 All of them were in construction.

02:29:27.000 What was the first guy you looked at and said, you know what?

02:29:31.000 If I ever see you outside of here, I'm gonna fuck you up.

02:29:34.000 I never said that.

02:29:35.000 But guys in construction, they would get real dicky.

02:29:38.000 I did, one time, there was a guy when I was a teenager that was talking a bunch of shit.

02:29:42.000 He would hit me with a hammer.

02:29:44.000 Yeah, because he got aggressive with me.

02:29:48.000 And it wasn't in a way where I deserved it.

02:29:52.000 He was just bullying me.

02:29:53.000 And I was like 16, 17. But I had already had a fuckload of fights by then.

02:29:58.000 Like, you know, talking about no fights.

02:30:00.000 I was like, dude, I'll kick you in your fucking head.

02:30:03.000 Like, you talk a bunch of crazy shit to me like this.

02:30:05.000 Like, he was talking to me in not just a way like a boss employee.

02:30:10.000 He was talking to me in a way where I was going to have to quit.

02:30:14.000 But I never said I was going to do anything to them.

02:30:18.000 I didn't threaten them and say, I'll see you after this and I'll fuck you up.

02:30:21.000 I said, don't talk to me like that, because I can fuck you up.

02:30:24.000 That's basically what I said to them.

02:30:27.000 But that's the thing about construction.

02:30:28.000 There was a lot of man-to-man type conflict.

02:30:32.000 It wasn't unheard of to hear about street fights between guys who were working together.

02:30:36.000 They got pissed and pushed each other and punched each other in the fucking snow.

02:30:39.000 You know, dudes carrying roofing tiles.

02:30:43.000 One guy knocks another guy over or something.

02:30:45.000 They start fighting.

02:30:45.000 That shit happened all the time.

02:30:47.000 A lot of the people that were doing labor, too, were real dirtbags.

02:30:52.000 There was this one guy that I did labor with.

02:30:54.000 I worked with my friend Leroy Rodriguez and his buddy.

02:30:57.000 They had some business partner.

02:30:58.000 They would take apart old houses and redo them.

02:31:01.000 Leroy was one of the black belts at the Taekwondo Institute.

02:31:04.000 He was a bad motherfucker.

02:31:06.000 And Leroy got me this gig.

02:31:08.000 I worked with these guys laboring, and one of the guys we worked with lived in this fucked-up, abandoned building.

02:31:14.000 Well, not abandoned, but stripped-out building.

02:31:16.000 I mean, there was parts of the building where there was no floor.

02:31:18.000 It was all fucked up.

02:31:19.000 Half the walls were missing.

02:31:20.000 They were redoing the whole building, taking things out and fixing things.

02:31:23.000 This guy lived there, and he had a Mountain Dew Jug filled with malt liquor and he would drink it warm all day and he had the shakes everything he did to do had the shakes He was just drunk all day on a crazy job site where like, you know, there's no floors sometimes Everything's all fucked up You have to balance when you're going from one room to the other because they're tearing down parts of the wall and this guy somehow or another fucking slid on through drinking the entire time and I remember thinking These are people that have made

02:31:53.000 questionable decisions.

02:31:54.000 It makes you want to go back to college.

02:31:56.000 It makes you want to get a degree.

02:31:57.000 When you're around a lot of these guys, like laborers and stuff, some of them are just like me.

02:32:02.000 They're just young guys who need a gig and they need money.

02:32:05.000 And some of them are dudes who have been doing it their whole life, and they're 50, and they're drunk.

02:32:09.000 Oh my God.

02:32:10.000 Yeah, and their body's falling apart.

02:32:10.000 You say that and you feel terrible about yourself.

02:32:13.000 I don't know if I want to do this.

02:32:14.000 I definitely knew I didn't want to do it.

02:32:16.000 I definitely knew I didn't want to do it.

02:32:18.000 To be a carpenter is a different gig.

02:32:21.000 A real good carpenter, that's a skilled craftsman and an artist.

02:32:25.000 You're putting together things.

02:32:26.000 That's different.

02:32:27.000 But the laborer gig was not like...

02:32:29.000 You didn't really have to know anything.

02:32:30.000 You just had to be big enough to listen to them.

02:32:33.000 Big enough to pick things up.

02:32:35.000 Can you go get that?

02:32:35.000 Go get me that bag of cement.

02:32:37.000 Alright, you guys are going to take nails out of these boards now.

02:32:39.000 It was like that kind of shit.

02:32:41.000 You just hung out with the weirdest people, man.

02:32:44.000 The worst guy I remember, Joe Rogan.

02:32:46.000 I was clean from coke.

02:32:48.000 I was clean about 90 days.

02:32:50.000 I was really trying to turn my life around.

02:32:53.000 And I answered an ad for construction, a carpenter's helper.

02:32:59.000 And he hired me.

02:33:01.000 I went and the first day he had to work for free.

02:33:04.000 You worked for free?

02:33:05.000 Yeah, he abused me.

02:33:06.000 So they could see you.

02:33:06.000 Yeah, so I said, okay, I agreed to it.

02:33:09.000 Wow, first day worked for free.

02:33:11.000 I cut the stuff, and you have to go get lunch and the whole thing.

02:33:14.000 Yeah, okay, I did it.

02:33:16.000 I passed.

02:33:17.000 And then the guy would say, okay, meet me at a diner at 8. And when I go get paid, he'd say, what's those hours?

02:33:27.000 And I go, you told me to meet you at 8. He goes, no, then you'll be here windshield time.

02:33:32.000 So let's say we didn't get to the job by 10. That's when you started getting paid?

02:33:37.000 That's when I started getting paid.

02:33:39.000 And I was, you know, I was really trying.

02:33:42.000 I lived with a friend.

02:33:44.000 I wanted to give them rent money.

02:33:46.000 I was trying to put away some money.

02:33:48.000 I forget what he paid me.

02:33:49.000 He made me pay for my own lunch.

02:33:52.000 Then one day he said, where's your weight belt?

02:33:56.000 Your, you know, work belt.

02:33:58.000 I go, I don't have one.

02:33:59.000 He goes, okay, I'll pay.

02:34:00.000 And you have to pay me for the materials plus 30%.

02:34:06.000 Plus 30%.

02:34:07.000 Yeah, you're a fucking scumbag.

02:34:09.000 Just to have like a claw, a fucking hammer, and something else.

02:34:14.000 I forget what it was.

02:34:15.000 To do work for him.

02:34:16.000 To work for him.

02:34:16.000 You would have your own tools.

02:34:17.000 Or the saw and stuff like that.

02:34:19.000 Yeah, that was always a thing, whether it was a union or non-union.

02:34:24.000 You know, there was a lot of the work that I did when I was a kid was non-union.

02:34:28.000 And a lot of the people didn't want a union.

02:34:30.000 They felt like the union guys, they had it easier, but it was too expensive, and people didn't want to, you know, use certain people.

02:34:37.000 So it was like a real debate, like, what's better?

02:34:40.000 For every amount of union people, you have to have a certain amount of non-union.

02:34:44.000 Is that how it works?

02:34:44.000 To balance it out, right?

02:34:46.000 So everybody makes money.

02:34:47.000 But it seems like in some things, like auto workers, they don't fuck around, right?

02:34:50.000 No.

02:34:50.000 Like, everybody has to be a different kid.

02:34:53.000 But, like, construction is different.

02:34:54.000 You have to have mandatory breaks, glory time.

02:34:57.000 Yeah.

02:34:57.000 You know, there's lists.

02:34:59.000 If a job opens up, how do we get it?

02:35:01.000 You gotta go on a list.

02:35:02.000 Mm-hmm.

02:35:03.000 Rogan has more minority than Diaz.

02:35:05.000 He started nine months before Diaz.

02:35:07.000 He gets the job.

02:35:09.000 It's not about knowing all that shit.

02:35:12.000 Well, that dude, I'll never forget that dude's name and what he did and the scumbag he was to me.

02:35:18.000 But on Fridays, he would make me feel bad.

02:35:22.000 Like he'd go, so how many hours did you work?

02:35:24.000 And I'd go 38. And he'd go, no, I'm paying you for 30. And he'd bully me, this guy.

02:35:29.000 But every Friday he'd go, this Friday I'm going away, I'm going here to fuck my wife and the ass.

02:35:36.000 He was always an asshole.

02:35:37.000 And then all of a sudden, I got my check.

02:35:40.000 I got this check I was waiting for.

02:35:43.000 And one Saturday, I'm sitting there.

02:35:44.000 I'm like, I'm sick of this motherfucker.

02:35:46.000 I'm going to rob his house.

02:35:47.000 And I jumped the fence and I kicked the back door open.

02:35:51.000 And he was a guy that bought hot shit on the side.

02:35:56.000 The guy was just a sack of shit.

02:35:59.000 And he must have had, I don't know how many fucking bottles and cases of Dom Perignon.

02:36:07.000 So I fucking ran up to the corner, called my buddy, go meet me at this address.

02:36:12.000 And I took every bottle of Dom Perignon that he had, and I sold him at liquor stores.

02:36:17.000 I took his checkbook.

02:36:19.000 I mean, I buried this fucking guy just for how bad he treated me.

02:36:23.000 He was such a fucking scumbag.

02:36:25.000 Never bought lunch.

02:36:27.000 He was always making little fucking remarks.

02:36:32.000 Well, that's what we were talking about earlier.

02:36:33.000 What happens when a guy gets into power that's a piece of shit?

02:36:36.000 Oh, my God.

02:36:36.000 He was such a fucking sack of shit.

02:36:38.000 You become a victim to him.

02:36:40.000 I remember I had his t-shirt for a long time.

02:36:43.000 I used to wear it and smile every time.

02:36:46.000 JHS or some shit like that.

02:36:48.000 Fuck him.

02:36:50.000 That's half of what this Harvey Weinstein thing is about, right?

02:36:53.000 It's about the boss.

02:36:55.000 That's what it's about.

02:36:56.000 It's about the boss abusing his power.

02:36:58.000 The boss fucking the girls so they can get their job.

02:37:02.000 That's the offer.

02:37:05.000 Which has probably been going on since the caveman.

02:37:08.000 Like I said, especially here.

02:37:10.000 Listen, they destroyed Marilyn Monroe, and that's the ones we know of.

02:37:14.000 Oh, there's probably been millions that you don't know.

02:37:16.000 Millions of women that have come out of here and have been put through a fucking process.

02:37:21.000 It was always how these guys got power.

02:37:23.000 I mean, if you look at a guy like Harvey, how else is he going to get laid?

02:37:25.000 Let's be honest.

02:37:27.000 I mean, is he going to get laid because he's a good-looking guy?

02:37:29.000 Or is he going to get laid because he's ruthless and...

02:37:31.000 Very successful.

02:37:32.000 It would have to be ruthless and very successful.

02:37:34.000 I want to know the ones that slept with him and did win an Oscar.

02:37:39.000 A lot!

02:37:39.000 Well, I don't know that didn't win, but I mean, there's a lot that did.

02:37:43.000 The story is that there was a lot that did it.

02:37:45.000 I mean, he couldn't have made these offers to all these women that said no and not have some of them say yes.

02:37:50.000 It doesn't make it any less horrible for the women who said no and were hounded by him and whatever went down and he ruined some careers.

02:37:59.000 But some of them had to say yes.

02:38:01.000 It's just some would make that deal with the devil.

02:38:04.000 That happens with a lot of different things.

02:38:07.000 People make that deal.

02:38:08.000 They make that deal.

02:38:09.000 It's worth it.

02:38:10.000 You know?

02:38:11.000 I mean, I joked around about it in my act about Harvina Weinstein.

02:38:15.000 But that's what a lot of guys would do.

02:38:19.000 A lot of guys would bang some chick if that's all it took and you can get ahead.

02:38:23.000 You know?

02:38:24.000 You don't have to marry.

02:38:25.000 You just have to fuck her.

02:38:27.000 How many guys would do that?

02:38:28.000 A lot of guys would do that.

02:38:30.000 Would girls do that too?

02:38:31.000 Some of them, yeah.

02:38:33.000 Most would not want that to be stuck in front of their face.

02:38:36.000 Most would rather make their way through, most, the vast majority, would rather get by on their merits.

02:38:41.000 But there's always, throughout time, there's been people that fucked their way to the top.

02:38:45.000 That's not a myth.

02:38:45.000 That's not like angels.

02:38:47.000 It's not like pixies and wood elves.

02:38:50.000 People have done it.

02:38:51.000 People have done everything that you can imagine.

02:38:53.000 People have married people for money.

02:38:54.000 People have killed people for their insurance premiums, or their insurance policies, rather.

02:39:00.000 That happens.

02:39:01.000 When people die, they check the spouse to see if the spouse had a fucking insurance policy.

02:39:06.000 If they find out they recently put out a big, fat insurance policy, then they go sideways and go, oh, did you?

02:39:11.000 And you just vanished in the woods, huh?

02:39:13.000 That's weird, Mike.

02:39:14.000 Mike, have a seat.

02:39:15.000 We're going to talk.

02:39:17.000 What happened again, Mike?

02:39:18.000 Just take me through the top.

02:39:19.000 Tell me what happened.

02:39:20.000 You guys went hiking?

02:39:21.000 This one in Colorado is a weird one.

02:39:23.000 That was another one.

02:39:24.000 There's another one that just happened in Colorado.

02:39:26.000 The one where the phone ended up in Idaho, 700 miles away.

02:39:30.000 They saw her leave the supermarket with the child.

02:39:35.000 He supposedly picked her up.

02:39:38.000 I want to know how he got the phone up there.

02:39:41.000 Remember, every car has GPS now.

02:39:44.000 Yeah, unless it's an old car.

02:39:46.000 Unless it's an old truck.

02:39:47.000 Or, you know, there's cars that don't have GPS. There's cars that you get them stripped.

02:39:52.000 They don't have shit in them.

02:39:53.000 But you get a really cheap truck.

02:39:55.000 Pickup truck, no radio.

02:39:56.000 That's the one that baffles me.

02:39:59.000 How the fuck do you get to Idaho?

02:40:01.000 How about the fucking guy who killed his whole family?

02:40:03.000 How about that guy?

02:40:04.000 Guy killed his wife, killed his kids.

02:40:05.000 You hear about that guy?

02:40:06.000 Put him in the fucking thing.

02:40:08.000 Jesus Christ.

02:40:09.000 And he looked so normal.

02:40:10.000 You see a picture of him?

02:40:11.000 Well, now the mistress came out.

02:40:13.000 Yeah.

02:40:14.000 But you look at him, the picture of him with his family, you go, that guy looks so fucking normal.

02:40:19.000 How's he capable of killing his own kid?

02:40:21.000 How's he capable of killing his wife?

02:40:23.000 There's certain people out there that just, they're fucking broken.

02:40:26.000 They're broken.

02:40:28.000 And if you're a woman, you have to think about that.

02:40:30.000 That's the difference between women and men.

02:40:32.000 That's the biggest difference.

02:40:33.000 The biggest difference is women have to constantly be in fear of a violent man.

02:40:39.000 Whereas men rarely are in fear of a violent woman.

02:40:42.000 Doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

02:40:43.000 It happened to my friend Phil Hartman.

02:40:44.000 His wife shot him while he was asleep.

02:40:46.000 That did happen.

02:40:47.000 But the vast majority, if you're looking at the numbers of people that are afraid of the opposite sex, it's women that are afraid of men.

02:40:54.000 It's a different environment.

02:40:55.000 It's a different dynamic.

02:40:57.000 It's not like anything that we could ever really truly appreciate, especially if you know how to handle yourself.

02:41:02.000 In that case that happened in Colorado where he killed, is there any past of the rest of violence?

02:41:07.000 Nothing.

02:41:08.000 I don't think so.

02:41:08.000 Nothing.

02:41:09.000 He just snapped one day, bro.

02:41:11.000 It doesn't make any sense.

02:41:12.000 He just snapped.

02:41:12.000 And this guy here...

02:41:14.000 Like I said, the only thing that throws you off is her car phone in Idaho.

02:41:21.000 Which means he had to take her right there, drive to Idaho, which has to be 11-12 hours, and drive back.

02:41:30.000 770 miles away.

02:41:32.000 And drive back without nobody noticing.

02:41:35.000 It's totally possible.

02:41:36.000 No gas station attendants recognizing a truck with a child in the back.

02:41:40.000 You know, they have to do a search of every gas station camera to see if he pulled up.

02:41:47.000 And they didn't find him?

02:41:48.000 I don't think they've even gone that deep so far.

02:41:52.000 But they gotta figure out how her cell phone ended up in a fucking mailbox.

02:41:58.000 I just don't understand where people get the fucking...

02:42:04.000 It is so tough to ice somebody now and think you're going to get away with it.

02:42:10.000 Between cell phones, drones, cameras, pictures, think about it.

02:42:17.000 You think about it, how they find everything now.

02:42:20.000 It's way more difficult, that's for sure.

02:42:21.000 But I think if you're in a rural area, rural areas, you could still get away with a lot.

02:42:26.000 No, no, no.

02:42:27.000 You don't think so?

02:42:27.000 Look at that chick that was jogging from the university or whatever.

02:42:30.000 Oh, that's right.

02:42:31.000 Yeah, that's Idaho.

02:42:32.000 Idaho.

02:42:32.000 Was it Iowa?

02:42:33.000 Iowa.

02:42:34.000 Iowa.

02:42:35.000 And they caught her with something.

02:42:37.000 They caught her with a drunk.

02:42:39.000 I don't know exactly.

02:42:40.000 I don't remember.

02:42:40.000 It's very tough.

02:42:41.000 Joey, I gotta pee so bad.

02:42:43.000 Well then, go ahead.

02:42:44.000 Go do your thing, brother.

02:42:45.000 I'm gonna piss.

02:42:46.000 Talk to Jamie and I'll come back.

02:42:47.000 I'm not done yet.

02:42:48.000 Take your time to hurry up and shit like that.

02:42:50.000 It's the holiday season.

02:42:52.000 You're sitting around right now thinking, you see what's going on with Joe Rogan?

02:42:55.000 That's what happens when you turn 50, motherfucker.

02:42:58.000 So prepare.

02:42:59.000 You drink your water, you try to be healthy, but you gotta pee all fucking day.

02:43:04.000 This is what I live with.

02:43:05.000 Every fucking night I go to bed, I'm nice and sleepy, and at one point I gotta fucking get up and pee, and it comes out nice and slow to really torture you, to really make you think about that ham and cheese sandwich in the fucking refrigerator.

02:43:19.000 Should you stay up and eat that fucking thing?

02:43:22.000 Thank God!

02:43:23.000 It's Merry Christmas time.

02:43:25.000 This is the best fucking time because, listen, I ain't doing dick till Thursday.

02:43:29.000 You understand me?

02:43:30.000 How about you, Jamie?

02:43:32.000 Nothing.

02:43:33.000 I ain't doing dick till Thursday.

02:43:35.000 Tonight I'm going to the Crashes with my wife and kid.

02:43:38.000 We're going to sing mingle jingle bells and all that shit.

02:43:41.000 All the kids get together.

02:43:43.000 I'll probably be home by 9. Tomorrow I ain't doing dick.

02:43:46.000 I'm going to do an open mic at the gym tomorrow for jiu-jitsu.

02:43:51.000 I might have to go down there at 12 just to get some exercise so you get an excuse to eat.

02:43:57.000 I'm thinking about dropping into the comedy store on Christmas night.

02:44:01.000 It might be boring, but it might be an adventure.

02:44:04.000 Then Wednesday I got dick.

02:44:05.000 Then Thursday, Friday, Saturday...

02:44:08.000 I'm up there in Oxnard at the Levity Live, so that'll be fun.

02:44:12.000 Listen, it's the weekend before New Year's.

02:44:15.000 Who the fuck's going to show up?

02:44:17.000 People are going to be waiting for New Year's because that's what people do.

02:44:20.000 They go, you know what?

02:44:21.000 I'm just going to wait for New Year's Eve and jump up and down.

02:44:24.000 I fucking hate New Year's Eve.

02:44:26.000 You understand me?

02:44:27.000 I've always hated New Year's Eve.

02:44:29.000 Since I was 18, I hated New Year's Eve.

02:44:31.000 You're asking me why do you hate fucking New Year's Eve?

02:44:33.000 Because...

02:44:34.000 Weird things happen.

02:44:36.000 When I was 18 or 17, I saw an RX-7 hit a fucking tree.

02:44:41.000 On New Year's Eve when the car got split in half.

02:44:44.000 And the kid was dead.

02:44:46.000 The girl got taken out by the jaws of death.

02:44:49.000 Then the following year I went to a party and I saw my buddy Danny B bite off Roger's ear.

02:44:55.000 And we had to drive him to the fucking hospital with a piece of ear in a fucking baggie with ice cubes.

02:45:01.000 So that's why you never saw me drink on New Year's Eve.

02:45:04.000 Any other time of the night...

02:45:06.000 You had 364 days a year for me to snort coke and eat pills and drink.

02:45:12.000 When it came to New Year's Eve, I minded my fucking business.

02:45:16.000 Why?

02:45:17.000 Because it's just a creepy night.

02:45:19.000 In fact, I'm excited that Joe Rogan's not doing New Year's this year.

02:45:24.000 Relax.

02:45:25.000 I saw that.

02:45:28.000 Is that what happened?

02:45:28.000 The guy fell asleep?

02:45:29.000 Yeah.

02:45:29.000 Yeah, I saw that.

02:45:30.000 He walked away.

02:45:31.000 I heard.

02:45:32.000 Probably because he was asleep.

02:45:33.000 Probably thought he was in a dream.

02:45:34.000 Didn't stiffen up.

02:45:35.000 That was in another country, right?

02:45:36.000 Yeah, like Bolivia.

02:45:37.000 Dude, I peed more than I've ever peed in my life right now.

02:45:40.000 That's what happens.

02:45:40.000 I got my blood done recently.

02:45:43.000 Got everything checked up.

02:45:44.000 Everything's groovy.

02:45:44.000 But I was dehydrated.

02:45:46.000 So I've been making a point to drink more water.

02:45:49.000 I wonder if I keep myself dehydrated, but that doesn't make any sense because I drink during the show.

02:45:53.000 But I wonder if I do that subconsciously to limit my needing to pee during three-hour conversations.

02:45:58.000 No.

02:45:59.000 You don't think so?

02:45:59.000 You know what, man?

02:46:00.000 I drink water all fucking day.

02:46:03.000 Every time I walk out of the doctor's office, for a physical, he always says, drink more water.

02:46:09.000 Well, you should always just drink more water.

02:46:11.000 It doesn't hurt.

02:46:12.000 And you know what?

02:46:12.000 I sleep with water next to me, which is big.

02:46:15.000 Do you?

02:46:16.000 You get up and have a sip of water?

02:46:17.000 Yeah.

02:46:18.000 I'll get up, pee, and drink a fucking gallon of water.

02:46:22.000 And then because of the sleep apnea machine, instead of putting fluid in the well, I just bring a bottle of water with me next door, right to the bed with me at night.

02:46:31.000 And it's really important.

02:46:32.000 If you read it, there's a reason.

02:46:34.000 There's a reason why.

02:46:35.000 You know, because when you're over 50, you pee more.

02:46:38.000 But you have to look it up.

02:46:41.000 When you're by yourself next time in a hotel room...

02:46:43.000 There's a reason why you should sleep hydrated when you're over 50. Big reason why.

02:46:50.000 Well, whenever I go to yoga class, I always feel like I have to make a conscious effort to take that fluid back in.

02:46:58.000 Because you sweat so much in one of those hot yoga classes.

02:47:04.000 Don't just drink if you're thirsty.

02:47:06.000 You've got to make kind of a conscious effort to get those fluids back in your body.

02:47:09.000 And you probably should take some electrolytes too.

02:47:11.000 Some sort of electrolyte supplement.

02:47:13.000 I just blast a fucking banana, man.

02:47:15.000 That's good, too.

02:47:16.000 I blast two bananas.

02:47:17.000 You stay full for an hour till two after you eat.

02:47:21.000 I drink water, and I also drink a fucking the after-workout drink sometimes.

02:47:28.000 Bananas are good right before you work out, too.

02:47:30.000 No calories, no sugar, no Gatorade, no fucking Monster Energy drink.

02:47:36.000 I don't touch none of that shit.

02:47:37.000 I hate all that shit.

02:47:39.000 Do you?

02:47:39.000 All that shit's going to kill fucking people 20 years from now.

02:47:43.000 Monster energy and all those energy drinks and shit like that, they're going to kill people, dog.

02:47:48.000 My favorite thing is just coffee.

02:47:50.000 Before any kind of workout.

02:47:52.000 Just coffee or espresso.

02:47:53.000 I'm a pup.

02:47:53.000 Do you know that before I go to the store?

02:47:56.000 Do you know that before I go to the comedy store, I drink a four-shot espresso.

02:48:01.000 Four shots?

02:48:04.000 Did you know that?

02:48:05.000 I usually drink one of these.

02:48:07.000 Shameless plug for caveman nitros.

02:48:09.000 Even my wife would go, how big is that thing?

02:48:13.000 And I put that cancer sugar in there.

02:48:18.000 And I fucking get in that car.

02:48:19.000 The sugar-free sugar?

02:48:20.000 Yeah.

02:48:20.000 The saccharine stuff?

02:48:21.000 I get in that fucking car and no music.

02:48:24.000 Cancer sugar?

02:48:24.000 Just me and four cups of espresso.

02:48:27.000 Do you know what's going through my mind?

02:48:29.000 If I have the ball, sometimes I take a toque off the pipe just to cook the espresso up a level.

02:48:35.000 And I pop a nicotine gum.

02:48:37.000 Oh my God.

02:48:38.000 Do you know why I'm juiced up by the time I get to the comedy store?

02:48:41.000 Because that's what I put myself through.

02:48:43.000 The nicotine gum is supposed to be legit.

02:48:46.000 Like, from what I understand, nicotine itself is a really good nootropic.

02:48:51.000 They've analyzed the cognitive benefits of nicotine on its own, but it's addictive, so it's tricky to use.

02:48:56.000 I don't think this nicotine gum is very healthy for you, but if there was a way...

02:48:59.000 It gives you a juice, right?

02:49:00.000 If there was a way to blast...

02:49:03.000 Nicotine, like maybe chew it like a tobacco, like a clean tobacco just to give you a little push off the cliff.

02:49:11.000 I think it's not bad for you.

02:49:13.000 I remember one of the things that really shocked me.

02:49:17.000 The cops were looking for me, so I jumped on a bus in San Francisco in 1985. I didn't know where the bus was going.

02:49:24.000 It was going to a place called Reno.

02:49:25.000 I had never heard of Reno.

02:49:28.000 In those days, you could smoke on a bus.

02:49:31.000 I met a kid from whatever, Egypt, and he smoked with me.

02:49:36.000 At that time, I would never touch a tobacco product, never even consider it.

02:49:41.000 I thought, I'm Cuban, and I thought cigars were the worst thing in the world for you.

02:49:46.000 And I remember we smoked a joint with hash, weed, and tobacco in it.

02:49:52.000 What year was this?

02:49:53.000 Huh?

02:49:54.000 What year was this?

02:49:55.000 1985. Damn.

02:49:57.000 We smoked a joint on a bus.

02:49:59.000 I thought my lungs were going to fucking cave in on the tobacco in the hash.

02:50:04.000 Because hash, the problem with hash is...

02:50:07.000 No matter what you smoke a hash, it doubles in your lungs.

02:50:12.000 What do you mean?

02:50:13.000 The smoke doubles in your lungs.

02:50:16.000 How does it do that?

02:50:18.000 Do I look like Johnny fucking Scientist to you?

02:50:20.000 I don't know.

02:50:21.000 Next time one of these smart guys comes on the show, I ask them.

02:50:25.000 It doubles in your lungs.

02:50:26.000 Well, I usually smoke hash.

02:50:27.000 I take a pen.

02:50:28.000 You know those pens that people put...

02:50:31.000 Oh, yeah.

02:50:31.000 You light on fire and put it under a glass?

02:50:33.000 And put it under a glass and you smoke it clean because the double...

02:50:39.000 That strain of hash and there was something else would double up in your fucking lungs.

02:50:44.000 That's why you cough so hard.

02:50:47.000 It expands.

02:50:48.000 It expands.

02:50:50.000 I remember when I was a super square.

02:50:51.000 I never did any drugs.

02:50:52.000 Never smoked pot.

02:50:53.000 Never did anything.

02:50:54.000 And I went to an agent's room.

02:50:56.000 I think we were in Montreal.

02:50:58.000 It was me and my manager and this agent who was a friend of ours.

02:51:02.000 And he had a piece of hash that he lit.

02:51:04.000 Chk, chk, chk.

02:51:05.000 Like a thumbtack under glass, he blows on it, blows on it, and then he puts the lid on it, I'm washing him, and then he smokes the hash out of it.

02:51:13.000 I was like, I can't believe I'm seeing this guy do drugs.

02:51:15.000 Like, this is like a scene in Hollywood.

02:51:17.000 He's out here, he's doing drugs.

02:51:19.000 He's smoking drugs.

02:51:20.000 Like, this is hash.

02:51:21.000 You know what I thought of hash?

02:51:22.000 The fucking movie Midnight Express.

02:51:24.000 That's what I thought.

02:51:25.000 Oh my god, you gotta go to jail for life, you're gonna jerk off on the glass, like, you're gonna have to fight someone and kill them.

02:51:30.000 Midnight Express is about smuggling hash from turkey.

02:51:33.000 In my mind, hash was a serious fucking drug.

02:51:37.000 This guy was doing heroin.

02:51:39.000 You're doing hash?

02:51:40.000 You might as well be doing heroin.

02:51:41.000 I was like, I can't believe you're just doing this in front of me.

02:51:46.000 Smoking hash in front of people with a glass scares the fuck out of them.

02:51:51.000 For someone who doesn't do anything, that's not like hitting a hit of a joint.

02:51:55.000 You take a hit of a joint and go, okay, a guy likes to smoke pot.

02:51:57.000 I've seen that before.

02:51:59.000 You light a piece of hash and put it on a thumbtack and put it under that glass and you get down there and suck it out of the glass.

02:52:06.000 You look like a drug addict.

02:52:07.000 You're sniffing an exhaust fume.

02:52:09.000 What the fuck are you doing, man?

02:52:11.000 If you know anything about me, you know I've seen some weird people do some drug shit.

02:52:15.000 When I was in New York, I got up early and there's a movie called Sugar Hill.

02:52:19.000 You don't like Sugar Hill?

02:52:20.000 Sugar Hill.

02:52:22.000 I remember the Sugar Hill Gang.

02:52:24.000 Sugar Hill is a movie that is possibly Wesley Snipes' best movie.

02:52:31.000 Oh, that was when they were the drug dealers.

02:52:34.000 The drug dealers.

02:52:35.000 Yes, I remember that.

02:52:35.000 Candy Alexander opens up the movie because she plays the mother and she makes them hold the belt.

02:52:42.000 And he goes, why you gotta make me hold the belt, mama?

02:52:44.000 Because you're the oldest.

02:52:46.000 Hold the belt so I can shoot this goddamn heroin.

02:52:48.000 Mama's sick.

02:52:49.000 Oh, that's right.

02:52:50.000 This is his best movie by fucking far.

02:52:53.000 That was a good movie.

02:52:54.000 Joey, I gotta wrap this up.

02:52:55.000 It's 2 o'clock.

02:52:56.000 Bro, what are we gonna do?

02:52:57.000 That's it.

02:52:58.000 How are we gonna kick open a new year?

02:53:00.000 We didn't lay a bets.

02:53:01.000 Nothing.

02:53:02.000 Nothing about fucking Jon Jones.

02:53:05.000 Gustafson, if you had to bet it, you didn't give me a breakdown here.

02:53:08.000 If I would bet Jon Jones versus Gustafson?

02:53:10.000 Yeah, I'm stuck on both fights.

02:53:12.000 That's all I want to tell people.

02:53:14.000 That I wouldn't bet me, I can't bet either of them.

02:53:17.000 They're both very good matchups.

02:53:19.000 Very good matchups.

02:53:20.000 Chris Cyborg, you have to give her an advantage because she's so much bigger and because she just doesn't seem to lose.

02:53:25.000 She's just smashing people.

02:53:26.000 She's got really, really good technique, and she's super powerful, and she's really big, and she's got a lot of success.

02:53:34.000 And then Amanda Dine is, without a doubt, the hardest hit in Bantamweight.

02:53:38.000 She's a fucking smasher, man.

02:53:40.000 She's from the gate.

02:53:41.000 Great camp.

02:53:42.000 She's from AT&T. Long shoulders.

02:53:45.000 She keeps people in the end of punches.

02:53:47.000 She's going to test Cyborg.

02:53:48.000 We're going to find out whether or not she can hurt her.

02:53:51.000 If she can hurt her, this could get crazy.

02:53:54.000 Who the fuck knows?

02:53:55.000 Because Amanda Nunes can crack.

02:53:57.000 If she hurts Cyborg, it could get crazy.

02:53:59.000 But if she can't...

02:54:00.000 She hits harder than Holly, I think, in my humble opinion.

02:54:03.000 I think Holly is a great kicker.

02:54:08.000 She's really good at movement and she's very durable.

02:54:11.000 Holly managed to go the full distance with Cyborg.

02:54:14.000 It was a hard fight and she lost that fight.

02:54:18.000 The difference between Holly and Amanda Nunes, I think, is like one-shot power is better for Nunes.

02:54:26.000 But, you know, Holly, when she fought Jermaine Durandamy, when she fought Jermaine, she knocked her down.

02:54:33.000 She knocked her down on a straight left.

02:54:35.000 She hurt her.

02:54:35.000 She hurt her a couple times.

02:54:36.000 She head-kicked her.

02:54:37.000 She hit her with a question mark kick and head-kicked her.

02:54:40.000 And Jermaine Durandamy is really good.

02:54:42.000 Heavy-duty Muay Thai fighter.

02:54:44.000 But she didn't want to fight Cyborg.

02:54:46.000 Holly did.

02:54:47.000 Cyborg's just the biggest and the best in terms of, you look at her success ratio, you look at the way she beats girls down, she's so powerful, man.

02:54:56.000 But Amanda is the toughest fight for her ever.

02:54:58.000 Yeah, this is a tough fight.

02:55:00.000 If you go back to Cyborg's fight with Gina Carano, Gina Carano at one point in time was on top of her on the ground.

02:55:06.000 She didn't sustain it and she lost the fight and Cyborg eventually smashed her.

02:55:10.000 But Gina had her moments in that fight.

02:55:12.000 And I don't think Gina was ever the one shot cracker that Amanda is.

02:55:17.000 However, Cyborg's way better than she was back then.

02:55:20.000 But, you know, so is Amanda.

02:55:22.000 Amanda, you know, coming off of the Raquel Pennington fight, you watched that fight, she dominated Raquel Pennington.

02:55:27.000 And I think Raquel's one of the toughest girls in the division.

02:55:29.000 She's a hard woman.

02:55:31.000 And she beats a lot of really good fighters.

02:55:33.000 And she gave Holly Holm all she could handle and got a split decision.

02:55:39.000 Lost to Holly Holm in Holly's debut in the UFC. I mean, she's fucking good.

02:55:43.000 And Amanda Nunes handled her.

02:55:45.000 It was very, very impressive.

02:55:47.000 It was scary.

02:55:48.000 Like, dismantling.

02:55:49.000 She's beating her up.

02:55:49.000 I was like, wow.

02:55:50.000 Like, she's on another level now.

02:55:52.000 As a champion, she's gotten even better.

02:55:53.000 She was always really good.

02:55:55.000 She was always really dangerous.

02:55:56.000 But as a champion, she got even better when she beat Ronda Rousey in 48 seconds.

02:56:00.000 That was the big coming out party.

02:56:03.000 Like, here we are, baby.

02:56:04.000 She's the best bantamweight ever.

02:56:06.000 In terms of her ability to knock girls out, she's the scariest of all time.

02:56:13.000 Cyborg can't make 135. Amanda Nunes can.

02:56:16.000 She's a legit 135 champion.

02:56:19.000 She's got it down now too.

02:56:20.000 She can go five rounds.

02:56:21.000 She can beat the fuck out of you for five rounds now.

02:56:24.000 It's different.

02:56:25.000 It's going to be an interesting fight.

02:56:26.000 But listen, Merry Christmas to the JRE family.

02:56:30.000 I love you motherfuckers.

02:56:32.000 Christmas to you, my friend.

02:56:34.000 Christmas to you, my brother.

02:56:34.000 Well, I see you at night this week.

02:56:36.000 I don't think so.

02:56:37.000 Not this week.

02:56:38.000 But we'll see each other soon, for sure.

02:56:40.000 After the New Year.

02:56:41.000 After the New Year.

02:56:43.000 All right.

02:56:43.000 Thank you, everybody.

02:56:44.000 Much love.

02:56:45.000 Bye.

02:56:45.000 Merry Christmas.

02:56:46.000 Merry Christmas.

02:56:47.000 Happy New Year.

02:56:48.000 Happy Hanukkah.

02:56:49.000 Happy Kwanzaa.

02:56:50.000 Merry everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - December 24, 2018

Joe Rogan Experience #1220 - Joey Diaz

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