The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1270

00:00:02.000 Five, four, three, two, one.

00:00:08.000 Fucking yeehaw!

00:00:09.000 Lenny Clark, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:11.000 And his brother Mike.

00:00:12.000 Mike Clark, the second man to ever give me paid work ever in my entire professional career, opening up for Lenny at Jay's in Pittsfield.

00:00:20.000 Yeah.

00:00:21.000 Right?

00:00:21.000 Yeah.

00:00:22.000 I remember that place.

00:00:24.000 Norm LaFoe gig.

00:00:25.000 I don't even know if Norm's around anymore, but I remember that gig like it was yesterday.

00:00:30.000 That guy paid my rent many times.

00:00:33.000 Many times.

00:00:34.000 Good guy.

00:00:34.000 And you did too.

00:00:36.000 Working for you paid my rent.

00:00:37.000 I worked for Mike at one of the craziest gigs I ever did.

00:00:41.000 I think it was a one and done.

00:00:42.000 You never did it again.

00:00:43.000 It was a restaurant and I was in the seating area and the microphone for the people when they announced their table was tied to the PA system.

00:00:51.000 So you'd be in the middle of this punchline.

00:00:55.000 He'd be like, so I said to the guy, Clark, party two.

00:00:58.000 Party two, Clark, your table's ready.

00:01:00.000 Like, oh no.

00:01:02.000 That wasn't the Mexican place down the Cape, was it?

00:01:04.000 No, it wasn't a Mexican place.

00:01:05.000 It was a seafood place.

00:01:07.000 Oh.

00:01:08.000 I had a lot of one-nighters back in the day.

00:01:10.000 Well, that was the beautiful thing about being a comic in Boston, is that if you lived in Boston, you could go anywhere within like an hour, two hours outside the city and work basically every weekend.

00:01:21.000 Well, Tuesday through Sunday, Joe.

00:01:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:01:24.000 We were working seven nights a week at one point.

00:01:28.000 That's crazy.

00:01:29.000 And cash!

00:01:31.000 Yeah, cash.

00:01:33.000 Well, it was amazing, but it was also terrible because a lot of people were very bad with the taxes.

00:01:39.000 My mother told me, don't fool around with the taxes or the mob.

00:01:43.000 You might have been the only guy.

00:01:44.000 Oh, I'd pay.

00:01:45.000 I'd pay.

00:01:45.000 Well, you might have been the only guy.

00:01:46.000 Everybody else got hamstringed.

00:01:48.000 Yep.

00:01:48.000 Noxie got killed.

00:01:49.000 Kenny got killed.

00:01:50.000 They all got killed.

00:01:51.000 And then when they got killed, it was like hundreds of thousands.

00:01:53.000 Oh, it was bad.

00:01:54.000 Because it was years and years.

00:01:56.000 And you've got to make that up.

00:01:58.000 Like, fuck.

00:01:59.000 Oh, yeah.

00:02:00.000 There's no getting out.

00:02:01.000 There's no getting out.

00:02:02.000 You wind up paying it for the rest of your life.

00:02:03.000 It's like student loans or something, you know?

00:02:06.000 What are you doing out here?

00:02:07.000 What's going on?

00:02:09.000 I came out to do this.

00:02:11.000 Just this?

00:02:12.000 No, just a little bit more.

00:02:14.000 I was going to do Kimmel, but Smilf got canceled.

00:02:19.000 What is Smilf?

00:02:20.000 Single mother I'd like to fuck.

00:02:21.000 It was on Showtime.

00:02:22.000 It was a show you were doing?

00:02:23.000 Let's come to this, yeah.

00:02:25.000 And I played Rosie O'Donnell's love interest.

00:02:29.000 Wow.

00:02:29.000 And I love Rosie.

00:02:30.000 I do too.

00:02:31.000 I gave Rosie a break...

00:02:32.000 35 years ago.

00:02:33.000 She never forgot it.

00:02:34.000 And she's always been great to me.

00:02:36.000 So we were going to do that.

00:02:37.000 And then it didn't pan out.

00:02:39.000 And the show got canceled.

00:02:40.000 So sexual impropriety is something that had nothing to do with me.

00:02:44.000 Oh, really?

00:02:44.000 That's why it got canceled?

00:02:45.000 Yeah, evidently.

00:02:46.000 I don't know.

00:02:47.000 Someone behind the scenes?

00:02:48.000 Yeah.

00:02:48.000 Yeah, I don't know what happened.

00:02:50.000 It used to be that was the norm.

00:02:51.000 Yeah.

00:02:52.000 You know, now shows get canceled for that.

00:02:53.000 That's crazy.

00:02:55.000 Oh, thank God they didn't have cameras.

00:02:57.000 Cell phones went early on.

00:02:59.000 I'd still be doing time.

00:03:00.000 I'd be in forever.

00:03:01.000 Are you kidding me?

00:03:03.000 Then we're going down to do the Navy SEALs Family Foundation, a big fundraiser we do every year.

00:03:08.000 Is that in San Diego?

00:03:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:03:10.000 Down in Coronado.

00:03:11.000 Good buddy of ours, Kerry Jackson's a Navy SEAL that we golf with one day and we've been in touch with ever since.

00:03:17.000 They're the real badasses.

00:03:18.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:03:19.000 Coronado's that island, right?

00:03:20.000 Yes.

00:03:21.000 I've never been.

00:03:22.000 It's supposed to be beautiful.

00:03:23.000 I went down and Mike said, do the obstacle course.

00:03:26.000 I said, alright.

00:03:27.000 So I climbed the rope.

00:03:28.000 Then there's these logs and I got into the logs.

00:03:30.000 They were spinning logs.

00:03:32.000 I nearly broke my back.

00:03:34.000 That was it.

00:03:34.000 You had to step on them?

00:03:35.000 Yeah.

00:03:36.000 Run across the walls.

00:03:37.000 But they're rolling as you're running across.

00:03:40.000 Yeah, it's not easy.

00:03:42.000 Do you have a mouthpiece?

00:03:43.000 No, I had nothing.

00:03:45.000 Because it seems like...

00:03:46.000 Well, thank God we were the only ones out there.

00:03:49.000 Well, at Coronado Island, I think that's where Dick Cheney lives.

00:03:53.000 Is that right?

00:03:53.000 Yeah, or Donald Rumspell, one of them rich warmonger type dudes.

00:03:57.000 There's a lot of money out there.

00:03:59.000 I was in Rumspell's office at the Pentagon.

00:04:02.000 Did you have a cross on you?

00:04:03.000 Well, no.

00:04:04.000 But, you know, my buddy who was with me was reading the stuff on his desk because he's a contractor and he can read upside down.

00:04:11.000 Oh, really?

00:04:12.000 And so this guard, Marine or whatever, realized what he was doing and came over and covered it up.

00:04:18.000 I said, what did you see?

00:04:19.000 He goes, not good.

00:04:20.000 Not good.

00:04:23.000 It's amazing that those guys are still alive.

00:04:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:04:26.000 Especially Cheney.

00:04:27.000 He's got somebody else's heart inside of him.

00:04:29.000 Yeah.

00:04:31.000 And he had the person killed for that heart.

00:04:34.000 That's what I used to do.

00:04:35.000 I used to do a bit about it, how he had an extra secret service agent that was only eating vegetables, real clean, had a jog every day.

00:04:42.000 He's like, what the fuck?

00:04:43.000 Why do I have to do all this stuff?

00:04:45.000 It's good.

00:04:46.000 No, it'll be good.

00:04:47.000 Everything will be revealed.

00:04:48.000 When Dick has a heart attack, they open that guy up like a fish and pull a still-beating heart out.

00:04:53.000 Yeah, he had a pump inside of his body at one point in time where he didn't have a heartbeat.

00:04:59.000 Wow.

00:04:59.000 Because he had this crazy pump that would just circle the blood, but there was no...

00:05:03.000 So if someone checked his heartbeat, they would think he's dead.

00:05:07.000 Wow.

00:05:07.000 There was no heartbeat.

00:05:08.000 Wow.

00:05:08.000 So he could fake dead.

00:05:10.000 He could fake dead.

00:05:11.000 In a bad situation.

00:05:12.000 In a monster movie.

00:05:13.000 Wow.

00:05:13.000 I had the opposite problem.

00:05:15.000 I had...

00:05:16.000 I was doing a show, and they made, you know, years ago when you did a network show, they made you have a...

00:05:22.000 Physical.

00:05:23.000 Physical, yeah, right?

00:05:23.000 So I went in, and the guy goes, oh, my God.

00:05:26.000 He goes, what?

00:05:26.000 He goes, you feel okay?

00:05:27.000 I feel great.

00:05:28.000 He goes, your heart is beating 283 beats a minute.

00:05:31.000 And I go, isn't that like a professional?

00:05:33.000 He goes, that's like a dead man, you moron.

00:05:35.000 So he said, this is horrible.

00:05:38.000 283 beats a minute?

00:05:39.000 Yeah, yeah, like a crazy beat.

00:05:42.000 It would go up and down.

00:05:43.000 Yeah.

00:05:44.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:46.000 That's a lot.

00:05:47.000 They rushed me to a hospital, but before they did, I said, hey man, I really need this job.

00:05:52.000 If I give you some money, he goes, are you trying to bribe me?

00:05:54.000 I go, yeah.

00:05:55.000 He goes, we've got to be dead.

00:05:57.000 I go, if I don't have this job, I don't want to live.

00:05:59.000 I need the job.

00:06:01.000 So they rushed me in, and then I ate trivia for fibrillation, and then it was both sides.

00:06:06.000 I hold the record for being jump-started, you know, the fibrillation.

00:06:11.000 The Mass General, oh yeah, it's like a phone book.

00:06:13.000 How many times did they do you?

00:06:14.000 Over a hundred.

00:06:14.000 They restarted you a hundred times?

00:06:17.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:06:17.000 Whoa, can you see the future?

00:06:20.000 There is no future.

00:06:22.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:06:23.000 Well, they finally did the ablation where they go in and they burn the part that's flapping.

00:06:29.000 And they found out the other side was flapping, too.

00:06:31.000 So it was like eight hours on the table.

00:06:33.000 I had this great talk, though.

00:06:34.000 My friend, you know, Everlast from the House of Pain?

00:06:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:06:38.000 He's got a fake one.

00:06:40.000 So he takes the microphone and puts it up to his chest.

00:06:42.000 It goes click, [...

00:06:46.000 He's got like a fake valve in there.

00:06:47.000 Wow.

00:06:48.000 A titanium valve.

00:06:49.000 It's really creepy.

00:06:50.000 Wow.

00:06:51.000 He puts the microphone right around his chest.

00:06:53.000 You can hear it.

00:06:54.000 You can hear it through the mic.

00:06:55.000 Oh, my God.

00:06:56.000 Mine used to go...

00:06:57.000 It was crazy.

00:07:00.000 But I didn't know.

00:07:00.000 I was asymptomatic, you know.

00:07:02.000 And I said to the doctor, I said, well, what do you think?

00:07:04.000 He said, well, you know, your weight probably has something to do.

00:07:06.000 I said, well, I did a lot of blow.

00:07:08.000 He goes, you'd have to do...

00:07:09.000 Incredible amounts of blow.

00:07:11.000 I said, well, there's a small mountain in Peru missing.

00:07:13.000 And he goes, that much?

00:07:14.000 And I go, that much?

00:07:15.000 Yeah.

00:07:16.000 Well, that fucking whole crew.

00:07:17.000 I mean, Sweeney and I talked about it when he did the show.

00:07:20.000 That whole crew, that Nick Comedy Stop crew was a cocaine fucking extravaganza.

00:07:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:26.000 I was very fortunate that I didn't, still haven't, never did coke.

00:07:30.000 Oh, Joe.

00:07:30.000 Joe, Joe.

00:07:31.000 I won't.

00:07:32.000 I went to Columbia to see where it was made.

00:07:34.000 I really did.

00:07:35.000 I really did.

00:07:36.000 Really?

00:07:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:07:37.000 Because you were a connoisseur?

00:07:38.000 Oh my God.

00:07:39.000 Like doing a wine tour?

00:07:40.000 It took me two days to score.

00:07:42.000 Really?

00:07:43.000 Yeah, they said, we sent it all to America, Mr. Lenny.

00:07:46.000 I go, hold on, there's got to be a new shipment.

00:07:48.000 And then I got an ounce of blow for $200.

00:07:52.000 Is that a lot?

00:07:53.000 I couldn't even finish it in a week, but I've tried.

00:07:55.000 How much is an ounce of blow?

00:07:57.000 What does it look like?

00:07:58.000 You know the Scott Face thing?

00:08:00.000 Bigger than that.

00:08:01.000 That's like 28 grams.

00:08:03.000 An ounce of oil.

00:08:04.000 But an ounce of pot is like...

00:08:06.000 Yeah.

00:08:07.000 Like that much.

00:08:09.000 Is that the same thing with Coke?

00:08:11.000 Bigger?

00:08:11.000 It seemed bigger to me.

00:08:13.000 I had it everywhere.

00:08:14.000 I remember the girl said, Lenny, you have to decide whether it's the Coke or me.

00:08:18.000 I said, do you want a line for the road?

00:08:20.000 I know what happened to her.

00:08:21.000 But it was amazing.

00:08:24.000 I really enjoyed Columbia.

00:08:26.000 Did you go there just for coke?

00:08:28.000 Yeah!

00:08:30.000 I went back recently.

00:08:32.000 A couple years ago, I went to do a burn notice.

00:08:36.000 They were filming a movie.

00:08:38.000 They asked me to come down and I went down there and I went, I remember some of this.

00:08:42.000 I wasn't doing it now, but it's all Spanish.

00:08:46.000 I had no one to run lines with.

00:08:48.000 When did you stop doing it?

00:08:51.000 22 years ago.

00:08:53.000 Wow.

00:08:55.000 That's a good amount of time.

00:08:57.000 Well, I had to.

00:08:57.000 I was doing this movie, and I finished.

00:09:03.000 I had to throw this guy through a wall, and I really liked the guy, and I didn't want to hurt him.

00:09:10.000 So I put him through the wall and took a door off the hinges, and they said, Lonnie, we don't own that door.

00:09:15.000 This is Whitey Bulger's place.

00:09:16.000 I go, hey, man, I'm done after today.

00:09:18.000 Someone's going to pay Whitey.

00:09:19.000 So the guy, I finished, and I bought a bag of blow and whiskey and a bag of dope and some beers.

00:09:27.000 And the guy said, you happy?

00:09:27.000 I said, yeah.

00:09:28.000 He said, you want to get real happy?

00:09:29.000 I said, you don't scare me.

00:09:30.000 He said, we'll pick you up at 6 a.m.

00:09:31.000 So I went back to the hotel and met my buddy, my childhood buddy.

00:09:35.000 We went out.

00:09:35.000 He said, let's see how many bars we can go to before they charge us for booze.

00:09:39.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:09:41.000 So we ended up at the tall ships down at Faneuil Hall, and the guy didn't know me, so we paid.

00:09:48.000 We said, we'll stay here.

00:09:49.000 Then he realized who I was, then we drank free, went back, and we're doing blow, and the door bangs open, and Wiggle freaks out.

00:09:55.000 He said, the guys, come on, we're going to like a rave.

00:09:59.000 And he took me to an AA meeting in South Boston, and It just, it clicked.

00:10:06.000 You know, I thought it was a gag.

00:10:07.000 I said, I had to blow with me.

00:10:09.000 And I said, come on, one's a new line.

00:10:10.000 Just listen, listen, listen.

00:10:11.000 This is after a bender?

00:10:12.000 After, what?

00:10:13.000 During a bender.

00:10:14.000 I still had to blow on me.

00:10:16.000 And I thought it was a rave.

00:10:18.000 Who took you?

00:10:19.000 Phil Barineau.

00:10:20.000 He's still my sponsor today, you know.

00:10:22.000 Wow.

00:10:23.000 And he's a young kid.

00:10:24.000 And, you know, I said, how did you get...

00:10:26.000 I said, did you have a problem?

00:10:28.000 He says, I used to go into banks with a shotgun.

00:10:30.000 Everyone on the floor.

00:10:32.000 I go...

00:10:32.000 You can be my sponsor.

00:10:34.000 Wow.

00:10:34.000 And the best thing, Joe, we got sober together, Lenny and I, the same day.

00:10:39.000 Oh, wow.

00:10:39.000 Yeah.

00:10:41.000 Wow.

00:10:41.000 23 years.

00:10:42.000 Yeah.

00:10:43.000 The thing about that whole Boston crew was that it was all kind of tied to drugs.

00:10:49.000 And the comedy had that feel to it.

00:10:52.000 Because the comedy was frantic.

00:10:55.000 Bang, bang, bang.

00:10:57.000 There was a thing about the guys who came out of Boston still to this day.

00:11:00.000 They had the fastest pace, the most punchlines.

00:11:04.000 And the audiences there were used to that.

00:11:06.000 So they didn't want any bullshit.

00:11:08.000 And they would tell you, if you weren't good, they'd go, you suck tonight, get off!

00:11:12.000 And we would have, there were times when I'd say, this is going to be new material tonight.

00:11:18.000 Anyone who doesn't do new material, the minute you do anything you've done before, get off the stage.

00:11:23.000 So, Rodgers would be sitting at the back, and some, you've done that!

00:11:27.000 He'd throw a shot glass, he'd shatter on the wall, go, next!

00:11:31.000 And it made you come, and the People, like you said, the audiences that came in there would come every week.

00:11:37.000 So you'd have to, and they would not settle for any bullshit.

00:11:40.000 That blows.

00:11:41.000 That's no good.

00:11:42.000 Yeah, there was a whole scene there.

00:11:45.000 It wasn't just the comics.

00:11:47.000 It was like comedy connoisseurs.

00:11:49.000 There were so many people that came to those clubs.

00:11:51.000 But the shows...

00:11:52.000 Pull it up, Mike.

00:11:53.000 The shows that were legendary were The Ding Ho on a Wednesday night.

00:11:57.000 Lenny would put like 32 acts on.

00:12:00.000 I'd go, Len, we've got to get the show over.

00:12:04.000 Shut up, I've got a couple more guys I want to give a break to.

00:12:08.000 And And I'd have guys going on until 2 in the morning.

00:12:11.000 And we got a liquor license.

00:12:13.000 The cops are complaining.

00:12:14.000 You got to stop.

00:12:15.000 And I go, have a drink and we'll finish up.

00:12:18.000 The first night he took over, when Cremins left, Cremins was leaving.

00:12:24.000 What year was this?

00:12:25.000 Jesus Christ.

00:12:28.000 85, 86, somewhere around there.

00:12:30.000 I thought it closed at 84. I could be wrong on the...

00:12:34.000 I don't know.

00:12:34.000 It closed before my...

00:12:36.000 I came in 88. You know what, Joe?

00:12:38.000 You're right.

00:12:39.000 Probably around 84, I took over from Barry.

00:12:42.000 So Shun Lee says to me, hey, man...

00:12:44.000 Barry's leaving.

00:12:45.000 Will you stay for me?

00:12:45.000 I'll double your pay.

00:12:46.000 And I go, yeah, all right, I'll stay.

00:12:48.000 It was about $15 to $30, right, at the time, you know.

00:12:51.000 And he says, you run the club.

00:12:53.000 I go, oh, no, man.

00:12:54.000 I'll get a guy.

00:12:56.000 He goes, who?

00:12:56.000 He goes, my little brother.

00:12:57.000 We just got laid off in Polaroid.

00:12:58.000 He goes, well, what if he screws us?

00:13:00.000 I said, if he screws us, I'll tell my mother.

00:13:01.000 We'll be fine.

00:13:02.000 So he comes in, and the first thing he says to Shunny is, all right, the food sucks.

00:13:07.000 Close the back room.

00:13:08.000 Close the restaurant.

00:13:08.000 We're going to make that a showroom, too.

00:13:10.000 So you open the front room.

00:13:12.000 You go through the kitchen and do a show in the back room.

00:13:15.000 Then you come back there and wait till it, and we started.

00:13:17.000 We were doing six shows a night.

00:13:18.000 But the first night he comes in, I was pretty lit up.

00:13:21.000 He goes, you're not going on tonight.

00:13:22.000 You're drunk.

00:13:22.000 And I go, fuck!

00:13:23.000 Fuck you, man.

00:13:24.000 You're a little brother.

00:13:25.000 I just got you the fucking job.

00:13:26.000 Fuck you.

00:13:27.000 I'll do whatever I want.

00:13:28.000 Blah, blah, blah.

00:13:29.000 So he gets Gavin.

00:13:30.000 And they go, come on, man.

00:13:31.000 Let's go in the cooler.

00:13:32.000 We'll do a line.

00:13:33.000 So we're in the cooler.

00:13:34.000 We're doing lines.

00:13:34.000 And Gavin goes, I'll be right back.

00:13:36.000 I go out in here.

00:13:36.000 Click.

00:13:37.000 The bricks locked me.

00:13:39.000 He was so high.

00:13:41.000 I said, you're not going on tonight.

00:13:43.000 They locked me in the cooler and I'm back.

00:13:45.000 And so I said, I'll show them.

00:13:48.000 I started fucking drinking everything in there.

00:13:50.000 I passed out.

00:13:51.000 They ought to get me out of there.

00:13:53.000 I can't do it.

00:13:54.000 I apologize.

00:13:55.000 I said, okay, you were right.

00:13:56.000 But he turned it into a goldmine.

00:13:58.000 We've been doing six shows a night, three in the front, three in the back.

00:14:00.000 Sweeney said that the guy lost it in a gambling game.

00:14:02.000 Yeah, he used to play Chinese Domino's over in Chinatown.

00:14:07.000 And he didn't pay his food tax.

00:14:09.000 And so I guess a year and a half later, they came and locked it up.

00:14:13.000 Well, first they came and he would send a kid out to a liquor store to buy booze.

00:14:17.000 Because they took all the booze.

00:14:19.000 So we'd have to buy booze for that night.

00:14:22.000 And then after that, they came and they took the chairs.

00:14:26.000 They took the tables.

00:14:27.000 It was incredible.

00:14:28.000 Yeah, he lost everything.

00:14:28.000 But it was Wednesday night, Lenny.

00:14:31.000 Thursday night, DJ Hazard.

00:14:33.000 Friday night, Don Gavin.

00:14:35.000 Saturday night, Cremins.

00:14:36.000 And Sweeney on Sunday night.

00:14:39.000 Just killer shows.

00:14:40.000 And what people don't know is that Boston had a different way of doing it.

00:14:43.000 So if it was the Lenny Clark show, Lenny would host the show.

00:14:46.000 Right.

00:14:46.000 Lenny would go on.

00:14:47.000 You would do like, what, 10, 15 minutes or something like that?

00:14:50.000 Supposed to.

00:14:51.000 He'd open with 40. Yeah.

00:14:53.000 You know why I came up with that joke?

00:14:56.000 That was my idea.

00:14:57.000 Was it?

00:14:57.000 Yeah, because it used to be, you know, opening, middle eye, closer.

00:15:03.000 Yeah.

00:15:03.000 And I was always a closer.

00:15:04.000 I'm going, hey, man, if I host it, I can do lines and smoke in between the guys.

00:15:10.000 And I said, well, if someone has a bad set, I can pick it up or I can, you know, be the buffer while they get over that guy.

00:15:16.000 Yeah.

00:15:17.000 And it just took off.

00:15:18.000 Well, it was a great way of doing it.

00:15:19.000 Yeah.

00:15:20.000 It really was.

00:15:21.000 And then you would kind of close it, too, right?

00:15:23.000 Yeah.

00:15:23.000 Oh, yeah.

00:15:23.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:15:24.000 Yeah.

00:15:25.000 I mean, you know, there were different nights, different crowds, too.

00:15:28.000 Like Gav.

00:15:29.000 Like, I was always working Wednesdays, and I'd be other clubs in.

00:15:33.000 But I always wanted to work Gav's show, because Gav had a great show.

00:15:36.000 And they didn't like me.

00:15:37.000 I was like, Gav's crowd did not go for me.

00:15:40.000 They hated me.

00:15:41.000 And I said, what?

00:15:42.000 And I had to learn to adapt to different audiences.

00:15:46.000 What was the difference between Gavin's crowd?

00:15:49.000 Gav used to say it was more...

00:15:52.000 They were smarter.

00:15:55.000 He was a smart motherfucker.

00:15:57.000 He's got a couple of masters.

00:16:01.000 He's a genius.

00:16:03.000 His fucking comedy was so sharp.

00:16:05.000 He would have punchlines you never saw coming on top of punchlines you never saw.

00:16:09.000 You were recovering from the last punchline and then he would hit you with another one.

00:16:12.000 Oh, yeah.

00:16:13.000 The first time I saw him, he came on and I watched him and I said to him after the show, What have you been doing?

00:16:19.000 He goes, this is my first time.

00:16:20.000 I go, you're a fucking lying.

00:16:21.000 Gav goes, we're not off to a good start, right?

00:16:24.000 And, like, it was, like, competitive.

00:16:27.000 It was real competitive.

00:16:28.000 And one night, I was doing a show with him, and some guy came on stage behind me.

00:16:33.000 He was coming behind me, and Gav jumped over this railing and escorted the guy off.

00:16:37.000 And I said, man, that was pretty cool.

00:16:39.000 He goes, I got you back.

00:16:39.000 And then we drove home to his place, and it was, like, three days getting high.

00:16:44.000 And we've been friends ever since.

00:16:45.000 Yeah.

00:16:46.000 But it's funny because he said to me, he goes, Lenny, I'm going to ask you a question.

00:16:49.000 He goes, if you could be the richest person or the most famous person, what would it be?

00:16:56.000 I said, oh, without a doubt, the most famous.

00:16:57.000 He goes, really?

00:16:58.000 He goes, okay.

00:16:59.000 Six weeks later, I said, Gav, I thought about it.

00:17:01.000 You're right.

00:17:02.000 I'd rather be the richest.

00:17:03.000 The fame shit's a bunch of bullshit.

00:17:05.000 He goes, well, I'm glad you came around.

00:17:06.000 See what I mean by smarter?

00:17:08.000 He's nuts.

00:17:09.000 Yeah, if you're the most famous person, you're just going to get stalked everywhere.

00:17:12.000 Oh, it's horrible.

00:17:13.000 You'd rather be that dude that nobody knows is rich.

00:17:15.000 Of course.

00:17:16.000 You know, I have five billionaire friends.

00:17:19.000 Billionaire, not millionaire.

00:17:20.000 Billionaire friends.

00:17:21.000 Really?

00:17:21.000 Yeah, and I think I'm like their pet project, you know.

00:17:26.000 But, I mean, it's unbelievable.

00:17:28.000 I mean, to live like that.

00:17:31.000 You know that show Billions?

00:17:32.000 I don't know if you've ever seen that.

00:17:33.000 No, I've never seen it.

00:17:34.000 These guys are just like that.

00:17:35.000 More money than you could spend.

00:17:36.000 More than you could spend.

00:17:38.000 Yeah, that's a weird life.

00:17:39.000 Yeah.

00:17:39.000 A weird life where everybody else is struggling and scratching.

00:17:42.000 But no one knows them.

00:17:43.000 Yeah.

00:17:44.000 Well, some of the people know, but these people are like anonymous, and they're more money than you can ever make.

00:17:50.000 That's very clever.

00:17:51.000 Yeah.

00:17:51.000 Oh, yeah.

00:17:52.000 Oh, that's what I would like.

00:17:53.000 That's the way to go.

00:17:54.000 Yeah.

00:17:55.000 Even if you were a comic, you'd rather just do clubs.

00:17:57.000 Just show up and do clubs and just do a set.

00:18:00.000 Once you're on stage telling jokes, either they laugh or they don't laugh.

00:18:02.000 If you're funny, you'll kill.

00:18:04.000 It doesn't matter if you're famous.

00:18:05.000 You know, I would like to be...

00:18:07.000 I like doing theaters now because it's a different crowd.

00:18:11.000 You know, I still do a lot of clubs.

00:18:14.000 I work Mike's club all the time.

00:18:15.000 Thank God for him.

00:18:16.000 But...

00:18:17.000 And thank God for me.

00:18:18.000 He keeps me open.

00:18:20.000 There's some people, you know how when you work a club, you get some drunk.

00:18:23.000 All it takes is one person.

00:18:26.000 Because I still go with the flow.

00:18:27.000 I mean, I really don't know what I'm going to do.

00:18:29.000 I'm just going to go and I try to keep it, you know, with what's happening in the news today.

00:18:33.000 And someone will just, oh man, they break the rhythm.

00:18:38.000 And I want to stab them, you know, but you can't.

00:18:40.000 Wow.

00:18:40.000 It doesn't always happen, though.

00:18:42.000 That's the thing.

00:18:42.000 It does happen, but it doesn't always happen.

00:18:44.000 Most of the time, it's great.

00:18:45.000 But Len just can't block it out.

00:18:49.000 He's doing it, and it's there.

00:18:50.000 No one blocks it out worse than DePaulo.

00:18:53.000 Oh!

00:18:54.000 He's the worst.

00:18:55.000 You don't even have to say anything.

00:18:57.000 You just have a look on your face that he doesn't like.

00:18:59.000 What?

00:19:00.000 You don't think this is funny?

00:19:01.000 Where'd you learn to whisper in a sawmill?

00:19:04.000 I'm working.

00:19:05.000 I'm working with Nick.

00:19:06.000 We're doing some comedy tour up in Toronto or maybe Ottawa.

00:19:10.000 And I was looking at him.

00:19:14.000 I was hosting.

00:19:15.000 I'm looking at him.

00:19:16.000 I think he was smoking at the time.

00:19:18.000 It was a dark, dingy club.

00:19:22.000 It looked like watching Lenny Bruce.

00:19:23.000 It was just like that.

00:19:24.000 So I'm laughing.

00:19:25.000 So I step outside the room and there's this woman, a pregnant woman, who goes, Oh, my God.

00:19:29.000 Oh, my God.

00:19:30.000 I really enjoyed you, but he's going to make me have my baby.

00:19:37.000 Oh, but he is so funny.

00:19:39.000 He's a funny motherfucker.

00:19:39.000 And he's been going crazy lately because the Mueller report got released.

00:19:44.000 Yeah.

00:19:44.000 And they said that there was no collusion between Trump and the Russians.

00:19:46.000 So all of his Twitter, all of his Instagram was just attacking liberals.

00:19:50.000 He's just like, why do you fucking care?

00:19:53.000 Why do you care?

00:19:54.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:19:55.000 Retire, you lying cocksucker.

00:19:58.000 It's just so crazy.

00:20:00.000 Resign.

00:20:01.000 He's so crazy.

00:20:03.000 He's telling people to put a gun in their mouth.

00:20:05.000 Isn't that how he got kicked off of Twitter in the first post?

00:20:07.000 I'm serious.

00:20:08.000 Yeah, he's telling people to kill themselves.

00:20:10.000 Yeah, he's doing that now on Twitter.

00:20:13.000 He's such a fucking animal.

00:20:15.000 He's always been that way, too.

00:20:16.000 Funny guy, though.

00:20:16.000 Oh, God.

00:20:17.000 He kills me every time.

00:20:19.000 Brilliant joke, right?

00:20:20.000 Always has been.

00:20:21.000 He was a guy that made me think, like, oh, okay, you don't have to be, like, a little skinny guy to do stand-up.

00:20:28.000 Right.

00:20:28.000 Because, like, he was this, back in the day, he was playing football.

00:20:31.000 Yeah, he was.

00:20:31.000 He was a handsome guy.

00:20:32.000 Good looking.

00:20:33.000 Fucking jacked.

00:20:34.000 And I was like, oh, all you have to do is be funny.

00:20:36.000 And women loved him.

00:20:37.000 And he would just shit on him.

00:20:38.000 And they loved him even more than him.

00:20:40.000 And Nicky was pretty funny to start.

00:20:43.000 He was having good shows, and he was out at the clubs every night.

00:20:50.000 And he was always angry from the beginning.

00:20:54.000 I had him on news radio.

00:20:56.000 He played my brother.

00:20:57.000 And, you know, DePaulo's always had this attitude that everyone's trying to fuck him over.

00:21:02.000 And even then, I got him this gig, and it's almost like he made it happen.

00:21:07.000 Like, it was him and Brian Callen and Epstein from Welcome Back Cotter were playing my brothers.

00:21:12.000 And on the episode, they beat the fuck out of me.

00:21:14.000 We all beat the fuck out of each other.

00:21:16.000 Broke bottles over our head.

00:21:18.000 Brian Callen threw me through a window.

00:21:21.000 And before the thing was cast, I told the producer, I said, I got this comic, he's hilarious.

00:21:27.000 I go, he looks like he could be my brother.

00:21:29.000 Let's hire him.

00:21:30.000 He goes, yeah, perfect.

00:21:31.000 He goes, can you read?

00:21:32.000 So I can see the read.

00:21:33.000 So he comes in and reads, and he goes, yeah, he's great, perfect.

00:21:36.000 But the casting agent had different ideas.

00:21:38.000 She had a friend who she wanted to get in the role.

00:21:41.000 So she cast this other guy, unbeknownst that I had already made a deal with the producer and the showrunner.

00:21:49.000 And so they call Nick up and tell them that he didn't get the gig.

00:21:52.000 He's like, what the fuck?

00:21:53.000 I didn't get the fucking gig.

00:21:55.000 And I go, no, no, you got the gig.

00:21:56.000 He goes, they fucking just told me I don't have the fucking gig.

00:21:59.000 Someone's lying.

00:21:59.000 So I make the phone call and find out what happened.

00:22:03.000 And she's like, well, I already hired my friend.

00:22:05.000 I go, you weren't supposed to hire your friend.

00:22:06.000 I go, what are you doing?

00:22:07.000 And she's like, well, I just...

00:22:09.000 You know, I don't know what to do.

00:22:10.000 I already hired this guy.

00:22:11.000 I go, we'll tell him he's fired.

00:22:13.000 Like, this is real simple.

00:22:14.000 Like, the producer wants it.

00:22:15.000 The network wants him.

00:22:16.000 And so Nick came back, and Nick got the part, and he couldn't believe it.

00:22:20.000 He was like, it worked out?

00:22:22.000 Like, he was on a set.

00:22:23.000 He's like, you mean the world's not fucking me over?

00:22:24.000 I go, dude, I told you.

00:22:26.000 You're my friend.

00:22:27.000 I want to join the show.

00:22:28.000 And it worked out.

00:22:29.000 But it was like he was convinced he was going to get fucked over.

00:22:32.000 He got fucked over.

00:22:33.000 He's like, I knew it!

00:22:35.000 And then he got the gig.

00:22:36.000 He's like, what?

00:22:37.000 What is happening?

00:22:38.000 He's a great guy.

00:22:39.000 I love him.

00:22:40.000 I love that guy to death.

00:22:41.000 You know, I enjoy when you hear stories about people remembering where they came from and they help people out.

00:22:49.000 And when I was doing the Sunday comics at Fox and It didn't start out well.

00:22:56.000 I always wanted to go in and entertain the troops, but when I got landed with CBS, they said, no, you're a million-dollar prop.

00:23:01.000 You're not going anywhere.

00:23:02.000 So when the troops came home, my show had got canceled.

00:23:04.000 That's a whole other different story.

00:23:06.000 I want to talk about that story.

00:23:07.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:08.000 Oh, it's interesting.

00:23:09.000 It's a great story.

00:23:10.000 So I... I go to 29 Pounds Marine Base.

00:23:15.000 We pull up in a limo.

00:23:16.000 We blow anything up, down, and anything down, up.

00:23:19.000 And I said, I'm going to like this place.

00:23:20.000 So we go in, and George Lopez is there, and George Miller, a couple of comics.

00:23:24.000 So I go up to Jeff Altman, and he's the host.

00:23:27.000 And I go to shake his hand, and he blows me around, gives me a hi-hat, walks away, and I go...

00:23:31.000 You know, what's this?

00:23:32.000 So they say, later in the show, they said, listen, Jeff, we have this kid.

00:23:37.000 We've got a purple heart.

00:23:38.000 He's back now.

00:23:39.000 And we want to unite him with his mother.

00:23:40.000 And he goes, that's kind of corny.

00:23:41.000 And he walks off.

00:23:42.000 I go, I'll do it.

00:23:43.000 And so I go, hey, how you doing, Corporal?

00:23:46.000 He's, well, you know, I miss my family.

00:23:48.000 Well, that's great, because we brought your mother into being like, yeah!

00:23:51.000 The crowd goes crazy.

00:23:52.000 And they said, you want his job?

00:23:54.000 I said, yeah, give me a dollar more than him.

00:23:56.000 And I took over to Sunday Comics that night.

00:23:58.000 Wow.

00:23:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:23:59.000 So then they said, we go from like 100 to 70 in the ratings.

00:24:05.000 And they said, what do you want?

00:24:06.000 I said, I want you to hire this kid, Kenny Rogers, as my head writer.

00:24:10.000 And they go, what's he written?

00:24:10.000 I said, well, he wrote me a couple of letters from prison and one from another.

00:24:14.000 And they go, No, I'm serious.

00:24:15.000 You told me what I want.

00:24:16.000 This is what I want.

00:24:17.000 So they hire him.

00:24:17.000 And they fly him out.

00:24:18.000 I pick him up at the airport.

00:24:19.000 And we drive to my place at Marina Del Rey.

00:24:21.000 And he goes, which floor was yours?

00:24:22.000 I go, all of them.

00:24:23.000 You know, I was living in like a $3 million place at the time.

00:24:26.000 And he goes, this is incredible.

00:24:27.000 So we get jammed up for three days.

00:24:30.000 And the third day he comes down, he's all banged up.

00:24:34.000 He goes, I love you, man.

00:24:35.000 But he goes, I got a wife and kid now.

00:24:37.000 I can't fuck this up.

00:24:38.000 I really needed a job.

00:24:39.000 I said, OK, all right, we'll go to work.

00:24:41.000 So we drive down to Fox.

00:24:45.000 And we put my parking space at the top of the roof.

00:24:48.000 It's great.

00:24:48.000 And we're going by a current affair, which used to be Murray Povich's use.

00:24:52.000 I said, you people suck.

00:24:53.000 You shouldn't even have all these officers.

00:24:55.000 I said, we're killing them in the ratings.

00:24:57.000 They get all the...

00:24:58.000 So we go down.

00:24:59.000 And I said to my secretary, hold all my calls.

00:25:02.000 We go in my office and there's three couches.

00:25:03.000 He said, why three couches?

00:25:04.000 I said, when people come over, they might want to nap, right?

00:25:07.000 So they said, okay, Mr. Clark, they're ready for Kenny.

00:25:09.000 So I bring Kenny in to meet the producers.

00:25:10.000 And I said, just come by the office when you're done.

00:25:13.000 So 20 minutes later, he comes bursting into my office.

00:25:16.000 You're not going to believe it.

00:25:17.000 You're the fucking boss!

00:25:18.000 You know what they told me?

00:25:19.000 My job is to make you happy!

00:25:22.000 LAUGHTER Oh, God.

00:25:26.000 He was great.

00:25:26.000 Well, that show was a great show, but there was a crazy thing attached to that with your agent that wound up fucking over not just you, but a slew of people.

00:25:36.000 One guy.

00:25:37.000 Bob Williams.

00:25:38.000 Bob Williams.

00:25:38.000 What was the star agency?

00:25:40.000 What the fuck was the name of it?

00:25:41.000 Spotlight.

00:25:42.000 Spotlight.

00:25:43.000 Spotlight.

00:25:43.000 Yeah.

00:25:43.000 Oh, he fucked everybody.

00:25:45.000 Jerry Seinfeld, too, right?

00:25:46.000 Like a million dollars.

00:25:47.000 But I think Seinfeld...

00:25:49.000 Well, when I popped, when I got Lenny, and I was making all sorts of money, they said, you need an agent.

00:25:55.000 I said, I want Seinfeld and Leno's agent.

00:25:58.000 And at the same time, he was doing both of them.

00:26:00.000 So I figured, these guys are the biggest guys in the business.

00:26:03.000 And he screwed them, but they got their money back.

00:26:06.000 I was like...

00:26:07.000 The lowest guy in the totem pole.

00:26:09.000 So I got screwed for like $2 million.

00:26:11.000 Jesus Christ.

00:26:12.000 I mean, it was bad.

00:26:14.000 I remember people were trying to keep you from killing it.

00:26:15.000 Yeah, I found out where his kids went to school and everything.

00:26:17.000 But you can't do that.

00:26:19.000 You gotta let it go.

00:26:20.000 But it took a long while.

00:26:22.000 Is that guy still in the business?

00:26:24.000 Country.

00:26:25.000 He's in country music.

00:26:26.000 Oh, they didn't know?

00:26:27.000 They didn't get the memo?

00:26:29.000 Fuck.

00:26:30.000 Oh, yeah.

00:26:31.000 I was so pissed.

00:26:33.000 I mean, because not only did I have the show, but when I went there, everything was going good.

00:26:42.000 And I invited...

00:26:44.000 Barry Diller at Fox.

00:26:47.000 He was the head of Fox at the time.

00:26:49.000 I threw a party for the entire cast, the crew, everyone at Fox.

00:26:53.000 And they all showed up.

00:26:54.000 And, you know, I showcased a bunch of my friends so they could get jobs.

00:26:59.000 And Barry Diller goes, you've really done a great job for us.

00:27:02.000 I said, I really love, you know, working with you, Mr. Diller.

00:27:05.000 He said, okay.

00:27:06.000 So later in the night, this...

00:27:09.000 This Asian man came up to me.

00:27:12.000 He goes, you know, everyone likes you, but I don't get it.

00:27:15.000 And I said, well, stick around.

00:27:16.000 I'm saying you'll catch on.

00:27:17.000 And I didn't think anything of it.

00:27:20.000 The next morning, they had given me like a million dollar bonus, and they raised my weekly salary.

00:27:27.000 I mean, it was a lot of money.

00:27:29.000 It was like over two million bucks.

00:27:30.000 And I was going to Dallas to do the Texas State Fair with one of the mandresses.

00:27:37.000 It's not...

00:27:38.000 Not Earlene or the other one, just some crazy name.

00:27:41.000 And I land in Dallas, and he calls me.

00:27:44.000 He says, I got good news and bad news.

00:27:45.000 I said, give me the bad news.

00:27:46.000 He goes, did you have a problem with a Chinese guy last night?

00:27:49.000 I said, no.

00:27:49.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, I guess so.

00:27:51.000 He goes, well, that's Barry Dillard's right-hand man.

00:27:53.000 You're done.

00:27:55.000 They threw you off the lot.

00:27:56.000 I said, what's the good news?

00:27:58.000 He goes, we got your money.

00:27:58.000 And I go...

00:28:03.000 We're good to go.

00:28:21.000 Just from one conversation.

00:28:23.000 Oh, I've got stories.

00:28:25.000 I wish I'd never opened my mouth.

00:28:26.000 I mean, I've screwed.

00:28:27.000 Yeah, no one has fucked up my life more than myself.

00:28:30.000 And unintentional, you know.

00:28:32.000 Right.

00:28:32.000 So, we're doing the state fair and this...

00:28:37.000 A horse with a buckboard goes out of control.

00:28:40.000 And the horses swing and the buckboard's coming towards the reviewing stand.

00:28:44.000 So I grab the Mandrell girl and get her out of it just as the whole thing is wiped out.

00:28:49.000 And I'm saying, did you get that?

00:28:51.000 Did they get that on tape?

00:28:52.000 But that was the end of my career at Fox.

00:28:55.000 That's crazy from one conversation where a guy said he didn't like you.

00:28:58.000 How about this?

00:28:58.000 How about when I'm at...

00:29:00.000 I have Lenny at CBS, and it was doing good.

00:29:03.000 And then, of course, the Gulf War came out.

00:29:06.000 That killed me.

00:29:07.000 And then they brought me back, and we were hanging on by a thread.

00:29:10.000 And they said, listen...

00:29:11.000 Forget about the show.

00:29:12.000 We think you're a great actor.

00:29:14.000 Let's give you a movie deal.

00:29:16.000 Really?

00:29:16.000 He says, yeah, we're going to give you the first picture, $2 million, and then the next picture will be...

00:29:22.000 No, first, a million, and then $2 million, and then $2 million, $5 million, three-picture deal.

00:29:27.000 I can't believe this happened.

00:29:28.000 He said, I have one question.

00:29:29.000 Can you act?

00:29:30.000 And he said, hey, I'm making believe I'm having fun with you, aren't I? Get out.

00:29:34.000 I went, hey man, I was only kidding.

00:29:35.000 That was pretty good.

00:29:36.000 Get out.

00:29:37.000 And I go, I just cost myself $5 million.

00:29:40.000 By being funny.

00:29:41.000 And I said, I'll never do that again.

00:29:44.000 So, I read.

00:29:46.000 Like, that's going to happen, right?

00:29:48.000 So, wait, joke.

00:29:49.000 It's better.

00:29:49.000 I read for this movie, True Romance, you know?

00:29:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:29:53.000 Remember that movie?

00:29:53.000 So, I mean, I get clean.

00:29:56.000 I get straight.

00:29:56.000 I work on the lines.

00:29:57.000 I'm ready.

00:29:58.000 So I go over, and it's Ridley Scott or his brother, one of the famous Scott directors, and a kid comes out.

00:30:04.000 I say, how many people are in there?

00:30:05.000 He goes, 13. I say, because I always like to know how many are in the room, because you don't want to go in there.

00:30:08.000 So I walk in, and I look at the people.

00:30:11.000 He goes, you ready?

00:30:12.000 I go, yeah.

00:30:12.000 I throw the script on the floor.

00:30:13.000 He goes, I guess you are ready.

00:30:14.000 He goes, hit it.

00:30:15.000 Dimes was hitting from the left.

00:30:16.000 I was hitting from the right.

00:30:17.000 I said, you better like it, because you're never going to lick pussy again.

00:30:19.000 He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:30:21.000 What does it say, lick pussy?

00:30:22.000 I said, right in the script.

00:30:23.000 He picks it up.

00:30:24.000 It says, like pussy.

00:30:25.000 I said, well, if you like it, you lick it, right?

00:30:27.000 Yeah.

00:30:27.000 Everyone in the room breaks off.

00:30:29.000 Get out!

00:30:30.000 Get out of my office!

00:30:32.000 So I'm driving home, and my agent calls me and says, what did you do to Ridley Scott?

00:30:38.000 He said you were pre-inactive, but you've got to get off the drugs.

00:30:41.000 I said, I haven't done coke in two weeks.

00:30:42.000 I was serious for this part.

00:30:44.000 Who's he getting it to?

00:30:45.000 Tom Sizemore and Chris Penn!

00:30:47.000 They did the job!

00:30:48.000 There's no justice.

00:30:49.000 That's hilarious.

00:30:51.000 Guys who were, like, up to their neck in coke.

00:30:54.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:30:56.000 Oh, my God.

00:30:57.000 That's crazy that they got that upset.

00:30:59.000 I'm having fun.

00:30:59.000 I'm pretending I'm having fun with you.

00:31:01.000 I make them believe I'm having fun with you.

00:31:02.000 That's all it took.

00:31:03.000 Because I thought we were having fun.

00:31:05.000 They're giving you, offering you millions of dollars.

00:31:08.000 I'm thinking, oh, isn't this nice, you know?

00:31:11.000 That's a problem with people that have so much power.

00:31:13.000 They want you to suck their dick every second of the day.

00:31:16.000 And as soon as there's any deviation at all, they think you're, oh, you think you're a smartass?

00:31:20.000 You're done in this town.

00:31:22.000 That kind of power, you know?

00:31:23.000 You know how guys sleep with women, you know, they get hit.

00:31:26.000 I had a woman told me she wanted to fuck me, but she was hideous.

00:31:31.000 And it was at night in the morning, you know, I'm going, Jesus, I'm not even drunk.

00:31:35.000 I'm trying to back out of it.

00:31:38.000 I'm going, no, no, no.

00:31:40.000 I didn't get that job either.

00:31:42.000 Jesus Christ.

00:31:44.000 Yeah, I mean, look, there was casting couches for both sides.

00:31:48.000 I knew a lady who'd bang all these sad little actor guys.

00:31:52.000 She was a casting lady, and she'd have these little sad actor guys.

00:31:55.000 They'd look all squeamish and shit, and you're like, oh, look at her.

00:31:58.000 She's got that guy on a rope, too.

00:32:00.000 And she would bang them all.

00:32:01.000 She would get these guys part, and she would fuck them all.

00:32:04.000 And she was aggressive.

00:32:13.000 The thing is though, there's no victim there.

00:32:16.000 Nobody feels sorry for those guys at all.

00:32:19.000 Not even for a second.

00:32:20.000 A guy that fucks a lady who's a casting director, like, hey, he decided to do what he wanted to do.

00:32:26.000 It's such a different thing than a guy being a casting agent that fucks the actress.

00:32:31.000 I would fuck a dry cleaner for free dry cleaning.

00:32:34.000 It's just a matter of, what do you want to do?

00:32:38.000 How bad is that?

00:32:39.000 It's not that bad at all.

00:32:41.000 It's a different animal.

00:32:42.000 It's funny.

00:32:43.000 But that whole model is out the window now with all this Me Too stuff and after Weinstein got shot down.

00:32:49.000 I don't act.

00:32:50.000 I retired from acting, so I'd like to see what it's like now and wonder how much different it is and how much it's changed.

00:32:57.000 I bet it's changed quite a bit.

00:32:58.000 Well, recently, Joe, I gave Louie a shot at the club, you know, after his...

00:33:03.000 Yeah, I heard about that.

00:33:04.000 And, you know, Louie called me up and said, hey, do you mind if I do a spot?

00:33:08.000 And I thought about it.

00:33:09.000 I said, yeah, sure, no problem.

00:33:11.000 You know, I like Louie.

00:33:11.000 He wasn't arrested or convicted of anything.

00:33:14.000 Yeah.

00:33:15.000 So I put him in.

00:33:16.000 He did fantastic.

00:33:17.000 He calls me.

00:33:18.000 He says, what do you think?

00:33:18.000 I said, yeah!

00:33:19.000 Put him on.

00:33:20.000 And after that evening, the backlash was just unbelievable.

00:33:24.000 Yeah.

00:33:24.000 You know, I go, how long is enough?

00:33:26.000 What does this guy have to do to try to get his career back?

00:33:29.000 Right, but what is the backlash, though?

00:33:31.000 Because the backlash is not your actual customers, right?

00:33:35.000 Yeah.

00:33:35.000 They're not complaining.

00:33:37.000 They grabbed some female comics that aren't working for me and said that Mike locked the doors and put a sexual predator on stage.

00:33:48.000 Everyone there enjoyed Louis.

00:33:50.000 I'm just trying to help a friend get his life back.

00:33:53.000 He came in, and he walked over to me.

00:33:55.000 I give him a big hug.

00:33:56.000 He goes, we got no problem?

00:33:57.000 I go, no, you nitwit.

00:33:58.000 I said, I would have called you if that prick right had given me a number.

00:34:01.000 He didn't give me a number.

00:34:03.000 He goes, that's not right.

00:34:04.000 I go, I know.

00:34:05.000 That's what I told him.

00:34:06.000 I said, so I bring him on stage.

00:34:07.000 He says, ladies and gentlemen, you know, this Me Too thing and everything.

00:34:09.000 Here's a guy who didn't touch any women.

00:34:12.000 Matter of fact, he touched himself.

00:34:13.000 That was the problem.

00:34:14.000 They just happened to be in the room.

00:34:16.000 And I said, you could have jerked off in front of me as long as you didn't get on my shirt.

00:34:18.000 My shirts are pretty expensive.

00:34:20.000 I said, but these are people you gave a job to.

00:34:23.000 The people that turned on him, he gave jobs to.

00:34:27.000 That's not right.

00:34:28.000 Well, there's a lot to that story.

00:34:30.000 I don't know.

00:34:31.000 There's a lot to that story that would make him look very different than a lot of these people that are accusing him.

00:34:36.000 And one day I think he's going to tell that story.

00:34:39.000 I had a conversation with him about it.

00:34:40.000 It's not as cut and dry as everybody thinks.

00:34:43.000 Everybody thinks he had power over these women and he pulled his dick out.

00:34:47.000 No, there was a lot of...

00:34:48.000 There was a lot of sex talk.

00:34:50.000 There was a lot of flirting.

00:34:51.000 There was a lot going on.

00:34:52.000 It wasn't that simple.

00:34:53.000 And he's very...

00:34:55.000 He's very contrite about it.

00:34:57.000 Yes.

00:34:58.000 Very, very.

00:34:59.000 And he knows he fucked up.

00:35:00.000 And by the way, he hadn't done anything like that in more than a decade.

00:35:03.000 It was a long time.

00:35:06.000 He's got a kinky thing.

00:35:08.000 I can't even jerk off if the neighbors are home.

00:35:13.000 I'm a wreck.

00:35:13.000 I make weird faces.

00:35:15.000 So it wouldn't be fun for anyone.

00:35:16.000 He's not a bad guy.

00:35:18.000 No, he's a good guy.

00:35:19.000 He's not a rapist.

00:35:20.000 He's not a sexual predator.

00:35:21.000 He didn't touch anybody.

00:35:22.000 He caught the worst part of the wave.

00:35:25.000 If you're in the ocean and you could be in the ocean on a fucking surfboard and you just catch this little tiny wave and everything's fine.

00:35:33.000 Or you could fuck up and be in the right spot when that giant wave comes and slams you in the head and you have the same intention and the same person.

00:35:40.000 In other times in history, he would have been fine.

00:35:43.000 He would probably be fine today.

00:35:46.000 Because everything is kind of...

00:35:47.000 There's enough of the females that have come out that have been full of shit like Asia Argento and the girl who accused Chris Hardwick and then Chris Hardwick released all these text messages that show that she actually cheated on him and she wanted him back and she's just trying to punish him for all this.

00:36:02.000 But there's a few of those situations now where people realize, well, there's definitely sexual predators and there's definitely bad men, but there's also women who are taking advantage of this movement.

00:36:13.000 Right.

00:36:14.000 And I think the world is sort of like calmed down a little.

00:36:17.000 Like the Asia Argento one was a big one.

00:36:20.000 You know, when it turned out that she was calling Harvey Weinstein a rapist while she was fucking a 17-year-old.

00:36:27.000 Right.

00:36:27.000 She played his mom in a movie 10 years ago when he was 7. Right.

00:36:32.000 It's like, Jesus Christ, like, how could you have that kind of hypocrisy?

00:36:36.000 But there's a lot of that in people that are screaming for attention at the front of the line of a lot of these things.

00:36:42.000 A lot of them have, like, dark secrets themselves.

00:36:45.000 Yeah.

00:36:45.000 You know, and, like, how...

00:36:47.000 These people that don't want a guy like Louie to have a road to redemption.

00:36:51.000 They don't want him to work.

00:36:52.000 Or even a guy like Aziz Ansari, which is even worse, he had a bad date with a girl.

00:36:56.000 A bad date where she blew him like three different times and didn't want to keep going.

00:37:01.000 Wait, wait, wait.

00:37:02.000 He said bad date.

00:37:03.000 That sounds pretty good to me.

00:37:05.000 It's pretty good.

00:37:06.000 It's better than no blowing.

00:37:08.000 Yeah, but the whole thing was so crazy.

00:37:11.000 It's like...

00:37:12.000 There's more than one side to every story like that.

00:37:16.000 And to take someone's opinion or someone's perception of something as 100% the actual event that happened without any other evidence, it's kind of crazy.

00:37:26.000 I mean, I don't think...

00:37:27.000 I just...

00:37:29.000 I just think people have to recognize that Louis in particular, he's been out of work.

00:37:35.000 He was out of work for 10 months.

00:37:36.000 He lost all of his shows.

00:37:38.000 People think he didn't suffer from that.

00:37:39.000 He lost $30 million, Joe.

00:37:41.000 People that think he didn't suffer are crazy.

00:37:43.000 You're crazy.

00:37:44.000 If you think he should never be allowed to work again, well...

00:37:47.000 He's not a criminal.

00:37:48.000 He's not in jail.

00:37:49.000 So what are you saying?

00:37:50.000 Everyone deserves a second chance.

00:37:53.000 And that was my point.

00:37:54.000 I said, sure, Louie, you know what?

00:37:57.000 I wanted to give him a fighting chance, and I guess he is back doing clubs now.

00:38:01.000 He's doing a lot of clubs.

00:38:03.000 But that's it.

00:38:04.000 It's all he's trying to do.

00:38:05.000 He's trying to get his life back.

00:38:08.000 He's building his act again, doing clubs.

00:38:10.000 And some fucking asshole releases his whole act on YouTube, so now all that material he has to chuck away.

00:38:15.000 So he was writing during the time he was gone, but not performing.

00:38:19.000 And then he puts together an act that, you know, look, you know as well as anybody, when you have new shit, it's got some goddamn holes in it.

00:38:27.000 There's no way it comes out.

00:38:28.000 I've never written a bit ever, maybe one or two in my whole career, that was the finished bit when I first did it on stage.

00:38:35.000 Maybe one or two ever.

00:38:36.000 They're always clunky.

00:38:38.000 And sometimes you have ideas.

00:38:39.000 You're like, why the fuck did I even try that one?

00:38:41.000 Like the Parkland shooter bit.

00:38:43.000 He was doing that bit.

00:38:45.000 It's a very unfortunate bit.

00:38:47.000 Especially when people who aren't in the club hear it.

00:38:50.000 But who knows what that bit would have been If someone didn't tape it.

00:38:55.000 Yeah, if you gave him a year to work it out, he probably would have figured out a way to make it where it wasn't offensive and it didn't shit on those kids in the same way.

00:39:03.000 My best stuff was years ago before cell phones because I didn't know.

00:39:08.000 I just went out there.

00:39:10.000 And now, when I'm on stage, I'm constantly thinking, oh, don't go there.

00:39:14.000 Don't do that.

00:39:15.000 Don't cross that line.

00:39:16.000 But that's a terrible feeling for a comic.

00:39:18.000 Oh, it's horrible.

00:39:19.000 It's horrible.

00:39:20.000 It's horrible.

00:39:20.000 It's half the funny shit that you and I have laughed at hard was something that someone definitely shouldn't have said.

00:39:26.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:39:26.000 But they knew they shouldn't have said it.

00:39:28.000 That's why they were saying it.

00:39:29.000 They were saying it to make the audience laugh because they were like, I can't believe he fucking said that.

00:39:33.000 Not like he means it.

00:39:35.000 Like that's his actual thoughts.

00:39:36.000 There's no maliciousness behind it.

00:39:38.000 I have no...

00:39:38.000 You think...

00:39:39.000 I want people to spend 30, 40 bucks to go out and have me piss them off and ruin your night with your wife or your date.

00:39:45.000 No, you idiot.

00:39:45.000 I'm just trying to make you laugh.

00:39:47.000 So now it's just so good.

00:39:50.000 Joe, I can remember back with you and Mike McCarthy.

00:39:54.000 It was like, who could work the dirtiest?

00:39:56.000 You guys would be in the back just dying.

00:40:00.000 There were nights when me and Kenny would get high and say, let's see if we can walk the room.

00:40:09.000 I've seen people suck at having a room, but I mean, we'd love...

00:40:12.000 Oh my God, I remember one night, I was doing great, and I said, let me do...

00:40:16.000 And I was getting fucked up, and I turned on the crowd, and then I felt bad, because they were so upset and so disgusted with me.

00:40:24.000 And these were like regulars, usually come, and they started trying to win them back.

00:40:28.000 It took me an hour and a half just to get them back.

00:40:32.000 I remember I did a show in Orlando, and there was a guy heckling me.

00:40:35.000 I said, listen, if you don't shut up, I'm going to come down here and pop you right in the fucking face.

00:40:39.000 And I did.

00:40:40.000 I went off the stage and popped this fucking guy right in.

00:40:43.000 He was bleeding and everything.

00:40:44.000 And the crowd was on his side.

00:40:48.000 Oh, no.

00:40:49.000 He's attacking us.

00:40:50.000 And it took me 45 minutes just to break even.

00:40:55.000 You kept going after you punched the guy in the face?

00:40:58.000 Yeah.

00:41:01.000 That's amazing in and of itself.

00:41:03.000 Oh, God.

00:41:05.000 Orlando.

00:41:05.000 I don't know where...

00:41:06.000 I know it was Orlando.

00:41:07.000 I was doing a bunch of one-nighters.

00:41:09.000 And I was...

00:41:10.000 Because the crowd was a big crowd.

00:41:12.000 It must have been like 300 people.

00:41:13.000 And they all loved me.

00:41:14.000 And this guy just...

00:41:15.000 And I fucking hated it.

00:41:16.000 And I went right...

00:41:17.000 I put the mic down.

00:41:18.000 Bang!

00:41:19.000 And he went down.

00:41:20.000 He was screaming and crying.

00:41:21.000 And I went up and the people were like...

00:41:23.000 That's the difference between Boston and Orlando.

00:41:26.000 Oh, God!

00:41:31.000 Yeah, you can't do that.

00:41:33.000 You gave me the best advice anybody ever gave me when I was starting out.

00:41:36.000 You did.

00:41:36.000 Right.

00:41:37.000 And right after your brother gave me the worst advice.

00:41:39.000 True, true.

00:41:40.000 Mike told me to work.

00:41:41.000 It was good advice at the time.

00:41:43.000 It was smart advice.

00:41:44.000 I liked you.

00:41:45.000 I just said, Joe, I think maybe you should try to clean it up a bit.

00:41:48.000 And you're like, yeah.

00:41:49.000 And Lenny comes over and says, fuck yeah.

00:41:52.000 He goes, don't listen to him.

00:41:53.000 You're a great kid.

00:41:54.000 I love you.

00:41:55.000 Don't change a thing.

00:41:56.000 Yeah, you pumped me up, man.

00:41:57.000 Well, you know, the thing was, you made me laugh, you know, because, I mean, I've seen everybody.

00:42:02.000 When I started doing comedy, what, 41 years ago, there was only 100 comedians, maybe, the whole country.

00:42:08.000 You know what?

00:42:09.000 If I heard of someone, I would fly to their town to go on stage and say, let's get on, you know, Kenison, you know, and, you know, Slayton in San Francisco.

00:42:20.000 Dom in Philadelphia.

00:42:22.000 People I thought were really good and admired.

00:42:25.000 I would like to see what it is.

00:42:27.000 And then I became friends with all of them.

00:42:29.000 Oh, that's awesome.

00:42:29.000 And then it just blew up.

00:42:31.000 Now you don't even have to have an act.

00:42:33.000 You're on YouTube.

00:42:35.000 Yeah, you still have to have an act when you get in front of those live audiences.

00:42:38.000 You think so?

00:42:39.000 Yeah, I've seen it.

00:42:40.000 I've seen those YouTube guys eat shit.

00:42:42.000 Yeah.

00:42:44.000 But they do draw people out to the club.

00:42:47.000 For a while.

00:42:48.000 They'll do it for a while.

00:42:49.000 You trick people for a little bit.

00:42:50.000 Unless they become good.

00:42:51.000 They keep putting in the work and do the act.

00:42:54.000 And develop an act.

00:42:57.000 But you either can do it or you don't.

00:42:59.000 Jerry Seinfeld once said very famously that If you're famous, it buys you 30 seconds.

00:43:05.000 It buys you 30 seconds in front of a crowd.

00:43:07.000 They're happy you're there.

00:43:09.000 They'll give you 30 seconds.

00:43:10.000 And after that, like, okay, what do you got?

00:43:11.000 Where's the jokes?

00:43:12.000 What the country?

00:43:15.000 Hey, he's a fucking good joke writer.

00:43:17.000 That guy is still slinging.

00:43:20.000 Yakov Smirnoff is still slinging it.

00:43:22.000 He's at the Comedy Store every now and again.

00:43:24.000 I think he's still in Branson.

00:43:25.000 He has the theater in Branson.

00:43:27.000 But he comes down to the store.

00:43:28.000 I worked with him a couple of times.

00:43:30.000 He's good.

00:43:31.000 He writes.

00:43:32.000 He's got new material.

00:43:33.000 He looks good, too.

00:43:34.000 He's healthy and thin.

00:43:36.000 Those YouTube guys, they have a shortcut, right?

00:43:42.000 They make funny videos on YouTube.

00:43:46.000 They'll get a crowd, even though they're not really funny.

00:43:49.000 But if they put in the work, they can pull it off.

00:43:51.000 It has been done.

00:43:53.000 The most courageous guy I ever saw was Charlie Murphy.

00:43:56.000 Because Charlie Murphy was essentially a famous open-miker.

00:43:59.000 Right.

00:44:00.000 And that fucking guy, he started out hosting.

00:44:03.000 It would be him and Donnell and Bill Burr, and they would do these shows together.

00:44:07.000 And Charlie had never done stand-up.

00:44:09.000 But he had the most famous brother ever.

00:44:12.000 I mean, his brother was fucking Eddie Murphy.

00:44:14.000 And people would saw him on the Chappelle Show.

00:44:16.000 Chappelle Show really set him up.

00:44:18.000 So he became famous.

00:44:19.000 And then the guy had balls of fucking steel, man.

00:44:23.000 I did a 22-show tour with him.

00:44:26.000 And...

00:44:27.000 He had only been doing comedy for two years, and I had been doing comedy for more than 20, and we were co-headlining.

00:44:33.000 So I would headline one night, he would headline the other night.

00:44:36.000 And, I mean, to be able to go on after a guy who's been doing comedy 24 years or whatever the fuck it was, and go on after him and do 40 minutes when you've only been doing...

00:44:48.000 Yeah.

00:44:49.000 And just the balls that guy had.

00:44:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:44:52.000 And he would just go on out there like he owned the place.

00:44:55.000 Yeah.

00:44:55.000 He passed away, right?

00:44:56.000 Yeah.

00:44:57.000 Geez.

00:44:57.000 Wow.

00:44:58.000 Yeah, he passed away...

00:45:02.000 I think all the people that we work with, they're not here anymore.

00:45:06.000 And I'm going, my good God.

00:45:08.000 Except the ones that suck.

00:45:11.000 You know, you always make it a point.

00:45:17.000 People steal the material.

00:45:19.000 One of the biggest thieves that ever lived was Ollie Joe Prater.

00:45:22.000 I never met him.

00:45:23.000 He was this big, fat, redneck guy.

00:45:26.000 And we're working down south someplace, maybe Florida.

00:45:30.000 And we're in the green room, and he watches The Tonight Show.

00:45:33.000 And we're doing The Late Show.

00:45:35.000 And Carson comes out and does his monologue.

00:45:37.000 And after his monologue, he went out and did Carson's monologue!

00:45:43.000 A standing ovation!

00:45:44.000 And I'm going...

00:45:45.000 No one will ever know.

00:45:46.000 There was no VCRs back then.

00:45:47.000 There were no tapes.

00:45:48.000 There was nothing.

00:45:49.000 I go, wow.

00:45:50.000 And he stole one of my shows.

00:45:51.000 I said, man, you stole my show?

00:45:52.000 Yeah, but I do it better.

00:45:53.000 I go, no, you don't.

00:45:54.000 You just add a sudden twang to it, man.

00:45:57.000 That's all.

00:45:57.000 Yeah, but I do it better.

00:45:58.000 Yeah, that's what he would say to these young kids.

00:46:00.000 Yeah, man, but I do it better.

00:46:01.000 Well, you know, back in the day, in the Catskills times, they all stole.

00:46:05.000 Like, there was no honor amongst thieves back then.

00:46:09.000 And everyone just had jokes.

00:46:10.000 They were just joke jokes.

00:46:12.000 Like, you almost had, like, a toolbox.

00:46:13.000 Like, oh, I needed three-eighths.

00:46:16.000 And then as television came along, and then people started getting in trouble for stealing.

00:46:22.000 You know, Robin got in trouble, and a few other guys got in trouble.

00:46:25.000 And then it sort of died off until, like...

00:46:28.000 I mean, when YouTube came along, then it kind of killed it.

00:46:31.000 There's still a few thieves that are still running around to this day, and some of them are famous, but most of the audience knows now.

00:46:40.000 And if you, like, look at someone who's a thief, and then you look at their Instagram comments, like, holy shit, people go after them.

00:46:45.000 People know now.

00:46:46.000 They know it's the darkest thing you can do when a guy works or a girl works forever on a bit, and then you just come along at the finished product and snatch it and switch a couple words around.

00:46:55.000 And pretend?

00:46:56.000 Pretend you came up with it on your own?

00:46:58.000 Well, when I started, I was working as a janitor in City Hall of Cambridge, and I took the other janitors out for beers, and we went to the Springfield Station, and we saw Sweeney.

00:47:06.000 And we saw Sweeney and Bill Campbell, and I'm going, oh my God, Sweeney was just, it was, I said, wow, this guy, I've never seen anything like it.

00:47:13.000 I had a couple of guys, a couple of the comics went on, and I said, you're funnier than these guys, you should do it.

00:47:19.000 So I talked to George McDoll about it at school the next day, and he goes, yeah, man, you should be a comedian.

00:47:25.000 I go, what's that?

00:47:26.000 He goes, that's what you saw last night.

00:47:27.000 So we went over to his house, and we listened to a Woody Allen album.

00:47:31.000 And I didn't even know Woody...

00:47:32.000 I knew Woody Allen from his movie, but I didn't know he was a comedian.

00:47:35.000 And he did that joke about hitting a moose up in Maine.

00:47:37.000 So I went on.

00:47:38.000 I hadn't been on stage before.

00:47:39.000 I went on at the ding-ho, Springfield Streets alone.

00:47:43.000 And I did this, and it was unbelievable.

00:47:45.000 I changed all my...

00:47:46.000 It was thunderous applause.

00:47:47.000 I could stare at an ovation.

00:47:48.000 And afterwards, this little old guy comes in the back and says, Mr. Clark, you're very funny, but you shouldn't use Woody Allen material.

00:47:53.000 I go...

00:47:53.000 Woody, who?

00:47:54.000 Fuck you!

00:47:54.000 Get out of here!

00:47:55.000 Oh man!

00:47:56.000 And that was it.

00:47:57.000 That was it.

00:47:58.000 And I sucked for months.

00:47:59.000 I said, but it was all mine.

00:48:00.000 It was crazy.

00:48:02.000 Yeah, there's a lot of guys in the beginning.

00:48:04.000 Greg Fitzsimmons and I used to steal from each other.

00:48:06.000 We had a deal, though.

00:48:09.000 Because we both only had like 15 minutes, and we had to do a half.

00:48:12.000 So I'd steal 15 of his, he'd steal 15 of mine, and we were best friends.

00:48:16.000 Oh yeah.

00:48:17.000 So he'd go, oh, dude, that blowjob material killed and fucking Pawtucket.

00:48:23.000 I said to Kenny, I said, Kenny, that was fucking brilliant.

00:48:26.000 I said, sure is your fucking mind?

00:48:27.000 You did that three weeks ago.

00:48:28.000 Because I didn't know what I was doing.

00:48:31.000 They can't remember his act.

00:48:32.000 I can't remember.

00:48:35.000 Some of the best guys don't.

00:48:36.000 Like Joey Diaz, you've got to be waiting for Joey offstage with a notebook.

00:48:39.000 You've got to go, say that again.

00:48:41.000 What the fuck did I say?

00:48:43.000 You know who used to do that?

00:48:45.000 Mike Donovan.

00:48:46.000 Mike Donovan was so good to me because Mike Donovan, when I saw him, I go, wow, this guy is so just brilliant, real technical about everything.

00:48:53.000 And I used to take him out after shows and take him to breakfast and he would tell me, he says, listen, I'm going to tell you everything you did wrong.

00:49:00.000 There's no need for me to tell you what you did right because you can tell, but everything you did wrong.

00:49:04.000 And he would listen and I would go, oh my God.

00:49:06.000 Wow.

00:49:06.000 And he helped mold me and he helped make me technically a better...

00:49:10.000 I owe him a lot.

00:49:12.000 Mike Dunn was great.

00:49:13.000 He helped me as well.

00:49:14.000 He told me to record all my sets.

00:49:15.000 Yeah.

00:49:15.000 He told me to get a tape recorder.

00:49:17.000 He still tapes to this day, Joe.

00:49:18.000 Every show.

00:49:19.000 Yeah, he was like, you never know.

00:49:20.000 You never know.

00:49:21.000 You might say one thing and you forget you say it, but that one thing might make the bit ten times better.

00:49:26.000 Joe, I listened to him and I taped everything.

00:49:28.000 There's boxes of shit in my garage.

00:49:30.000 I never listened to it once.

00:49:32.000 I was reading a Lenny Bruce thing, and he used to tape.

00:49:37.000 And so I didn't realize he was taping his act.

00:49:40.000 I thought he was taping and talking to him.

00:49:43.000 So, you know, hey, man.

00:49:46.000 So I would write when I first started doing it.

00:49:49.000 I would write for hours, and I would go down to the kitchen and say, hey, Ma, what do you think it is?

00:49:52.000 And I'd tell her, she goes, I don't know.

00:49:54.000 I guess it's good.

00:49:57.000 Who do you like?

00:49:58.000 She said, well, I really like that Rip Taylor.

00:49:59.000 I go, Rip Taylor.

00:50:04.000 She goes, that's why Heinz makes 57 varieties.

00:50:07.000 Get over it!

00:50:07.000 You're not the only funny person in the world, right?

00:50:09.000 Oh yeah, she didn't take any shit.

00:50:11.000 So later, I'm working at the Dunes one day, and Pauly Shore, I'm up by the pool, and Pauly Shore says, hey Lenny, I turn around, who's he with but Rip Taylor, right?

00:50:19.000 And Rip is, ooh, look at that one.

00:50:21.000 And he's...

00:50:22.000 I mean, Joe, he's killing me.

00:50:24.000 And I said, I said, Mr. Taylor, you also call me Rip.

00:50:27.000 He goes, oh, yeah.

00:50:28.000 He said, is that all you like?

00:50:29.000 So I said, would you talk to my mother?

00:50:32.000 So they bring her phone out to the pool.

00:50:34.000 No way.

00:50:35.000 And he goes, hello, Gene, it's Rip Taylor.

00:50:37.000 And you hear her, ah!

00:50:40.000 So he's so nice to her, right?

00:50:42.000 And then he gives me the phone.

00:50:43.000 She goes, I told you he was funny, you idiot.

00:50:46.000 Ah!

00:50:49.000 I ended up doing Hollywood Squares with him.

00:50:51.000 Got to be friends with him.

00:50:51.000 Good guy.

00:50:52.000 And he made me laugh.

00:50:54.000 He was funny.

00:50:55.000 He was a hilarious guy.

00:50:57.000 Well, the Hollywood Squares, he took over that show.

00:51:00.000 If you saw Hollywood Squares and Rip Taylor wasn't on, you're like, what the fuck is this?

00:51:04.000 Where is he?

00:51:05.000 He's the funny one.

00:51:06.000 He's the guy you want to hear talk.

00:51:08.000 Yeah, Donovan told me to record all my sets, and he explained to you the fuck meter, too.

00:51:13.000 Oh!

00:51:14.000 Oh!

00:51:14.000 That was something that young comics to this day don't understand.

00:51:17.000 First time I ever heard that.

00:51:19.000 He goes, well, you broke the fuck meter.

00:51:20.000 I go, what?

00:51:21.000 And I didn't even realize I was doing it.

00:51:24.000 And now when I'm working with guys that I like, I say, you know what, listen, you don't need the fuck there.

00:51:29.000 Drop the fuck there.

00:51:30.000 You don't need that.

00:51:31.000 The joke's fine without it.

00:51:33.000 And I go, don't do what I do.

00:51:36.000 But you can do it when it's necessary, and when it's necessary, it'll mean more if you don't have ten other unusual or unnecessary fucks.

00:51:44.000 And with Mike, he tends to use it where he wants to use it.

00:51:48.000 He worries about the guys on in front of him.

00:51:51.000 He goes, I don't want you doing it just for the sake of doing it.

00:51:55.000 Mike's a great guy, and he still tapes every show.

00:51:59.000 Well, he's a great comic, and he's just very aware that the audience can get numb to that word, where it doesn't mean anything.

00:52:05.000 Where you don't hear it until he goes up, and then when he goes up, you only hear it when it's necessary.

00:52:11.000 It's a presentation issue.

00:52:14.000 Because if there's a guy in front of you...

00:52:16.000 Some comics would use the word fuck the same way they use the word um.

00:52:19.000 They're like, that fucking guy with the fucking thing with the fucking...

00:52:22.000 He's got his fucking hat on and his fucking shoes are tied and his fucking...

00:52:26.000 By the time you say...

00:52:28.000 And I'm like, fuck you!

00:52:30.000 It doesn't mean anything.

00:52:31.000 Right.

00:52:31.000 I used to open for Leno and he would say to me, you know, you're really funny but you don't have to be that filthy.

00:52:38.000 You don't have to...

00:52:40.000 Yeah, but I feel like I'm selling out.

00:52:42.000 Yes, you're not selling out.

00:52:43.000 You're cashing in.

00:52:44.000 And my mother always just said, you can get more work.

00:52:46.000 And then I started doing corporate gigs.

00:52:48.000 And people said, listen, Lenny, we don't care if you're mildly amusing, as long as you don't say fuck or anything.

00:52:53.000 And I went, yeah.

00:52:54.000 And they fly in the jet.

00:52:56.000 They pay 20, 30 grand.

00:52:58.000 Did you sign some autographs?

00:52:59.000 Yeah.

00:52:59.000 So, I mean...

00:53:01.000 So you did sell off.

00:53:02.000 Those are tempting.

00:53:04.000 That's the siren song, those corporate gigs.

00:53:07.000 I remember that's where Jay made most of his money.

00:53:12.000 I mean, he would make hundreds of thousands of dollars.

00:53:15.000 Well, he needs it.

00:53:16.000 Well, that's what he says.

00:53:17.000 He never spent his Tonight Show money.

00:53:20.000 He never spent any money!

00:53:21.000 All of his money went to Cars, and all that money came from gigs.

00:53:25.000 Yeah.

00:53:25.000 And he never put out a special.

00:53:26.000 He had one special on Showtime way back in the day.

00:53:29.000 In Philly.

00:53:30.000 Yeah.

00:53:30.000 In Philly, I remember that.

00:53:32.000 It was a good special, and I talked to him about it.

00:53:34.000 He goes, why would I do that?

00:53:36.000 He goes, I put on my act.

00:53:37.000 He goes, even if they give me a million dollars, that's going to cost me money.

00:53:41.000 But his whole thing was he didn't want to do it because that material was gone once he did it.

00:53:46.000 But he would go to these places and do the same act two years later, and people would be like, what the fuck?

00:53:53.000 But he just had this polished...

00:53:54.000 People would say to me, hey man, I really don't care for him.

00:53:58.000 I said, listen to me.

00:54:00.000 I used to open for him, and one night I was at Nick's, and I was supposed to do 20 minutes, and whenever I was opening for something, I'd do my time and get off.

00:54:08.000 That's just respect.

00:54:09.000 And he came in and he goes, oh.

00:54:11.000 I said, okay.

00:54:11.000 So the crowd liked me anyway.

00:54:13.000 And so now I do about 45. And I'm standing up.

00:54:17.000 Crowd's going crazy.

00:54:18.000 And I'm walking off.

00:54:19.000 In my mind, I'm going, follow that fucker.

00:54:21.000 You know what I mean?

00:54:22.000 He gets on stage.

00:54:23.000 Within two minutes, it was like, Lenny who?

00:54:25.000 He was that good.

00:54:26.000 He was the Springsteen of comedy.

00:54:28.000 He was amazing.

00:54:29.000 People don't know.

00:54:31.000 They don't know.

00:54:31.000 Because when he used to go on Letterman, back when he was young, he had the crazy dark hair.

00:54:35.000 Yep.

00:54:36.000 He was the edgy comic, which is hard for young guys to wrap their head around.

00:54:41.000 Joe, he would do a two-hour show, and it wasn't too much.

00:54:44.000 It was killer.

00:54:46.000 Yeah, he's extremely underrated as a comic.

00:54:50.000 I agree.

00:54:51.000 And I think it's unfortunate that he doesn't have a great body of work, other than Tonight Show monologues.

00:54:56.000 People think of him as the guy with Tonight Show monologues.

00:54:59.000 He's a great stand-up guy.

00:55:00.000 Yeah, he is.

00:55:01.000 And anyone...

00:55:03.000 That I see that is really terrific.

00:55:07.000 I give it up.

00:55:08.000 But here's the thing.

00:55:09.000 You make me laugh.

00:55:10.000 I like it.

00:55:11.000 If you're successful, I'm not getting it.

00:55:15.000 It's good for you.

00:55:16.000 I don't belittle anybody for their success.

00:55:19.000 I'm the same way.

00:55:20.000 But if you make me laugh, then I... I'll pay to go see it if you make me laugh.

00:55:25.000 It's a waste of time to worry about something you don't like because obviously other people like it.

00:55:29.000 What do you give a shit?

00:55:30.000 I feel the same way about music.

00:55:33.000 There's a lot of music I don't like.

00:55:34.000 They sell millions of albums.

00:55:36.000 I don't care.

00:55:38.000 There's no room.

00:55:39.000 I just want to laugh.

00:55:42.000 If you can make me laugh.

00:55:43.000 That's why some of the people I hang around with just go out to dinner.

00:55:48.000 Everyone puts their cell phones on the table.

00:55:50.000 Off.

00:55:50.000 Beautiful.

00:55:52.000 That's nice.

00:55:54.000 All you need is something that would take you down.

00:55:57.000 So many people were fucking interested in just looking at their phone all day.

00:56:01.000 Now, if I wasn't as old as I am, if I was a young kid coming out now, I'd be an animal, because I wouldn't care.

00:56:08.000 Oh, you can't say that?

00:56:09.000 Well, let me tell you this right now!

00:56:12.000 And the thing was, you know, when I started, people would say, oh my god, what a funny take on that.

00:56:17.000 It wasn't a funny take.

00:56:18.000 It was what I actually thought.

00:56:19.000 But rather than, you know, pop their balloon and they know I'm crazy, I just, oh yeah.

00:56:25.000 I've never thought I was funnier than anybody.

00:56:28.000 I just know that I'm sick.

00:56:30.000 And I just use that under the guise of humor.

00:56:35.000 It works.

00:56:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:56:36.000 You know it works.

00:56:37.000 Well, we were very lucky that in those days in Boston, I started in 88, but in those days, there was...

00:56:45.000 Remember in Warrington Street, you had the comedy at the Charles, up the theater, above.

00:56:51.000 Downstairs was the connection.

00:56:53.000 Over here was Nick's.

00:56:54.000 And over there was Duck Soup.

00:56:56.000 It was fucking crazy.

00:56:57.000 It was crazy.

00:56:58.000 Oh my God.

00:56:59.000 He opened one club.

00:57:00.000 What was that club in the...

00:57:01.000 Oh, that was at the Hotel Bradford.

00:57:03.000 Yeah.

00:57:03.000 What was in the basement?

00:57:04.000 The Jokers.

00:57:04.000 Okay, this place would hold over 350 people.

00:57:06.000 Oh, it was a beautiful room.

00:57:07.000 And one night, I had Mike Binder come on.

00:57:09.000 You know Mike?

00:57:10.000 Sure.

00:57:10.000 And Mike Binder, I said...

00:57:11.000 He's doing a documentary right now in the store.

00:57:13.000 I said, do some time.

00:57:15.000 I'm in the back, backstage, doing lines.

00:57:17.000 And he brought the entire audience up on stage.

00:57:20.000 Through the dressing room.

00:57:21.000 Through the dressing room.

00:57:22.000 And this is how the comedians are hot at work while the other comedians are on.

00:57:26.000 I'm chopping.

00:57:31.000 Jesus Christ.

00:57:32.000 I used to do blow on stage and people go, relax, relax.

00:57:35.000 It's just stunt coke.

00:57:35.000 It's not real.

00:57:37.000 There's no other place like that.

00:57:39.000 Like the scene in New York was very different.

00:57:41.000 The scene in New York, they never did the hosting thing the way they did it in Boston.

00:57:46.000 There wasn't as many clubs that were like close together.

00:57:49.000 And they would talk to the crowd.

00:57:50.000 Yeah.

00:57:50.000 There were no jokes.

00:57:52.000 Where are you from?

00:57:53.000 Well, back then there was.

00:57:54.000 Yeah.

00:57:55.000 It's a little different now.

00:57:56.000 Now there's a lot of jokes, but I think I attribute that to the size of the rooms.

00:58:00.000 In New York, you're on top of people.

00:58:02.000 That's the first thing I noticed when I moved to New York.

00:58:05.000 I was like, God, a fucking audience is...

00:58:06.000 It literally would be like, I would be standing on stage and you would be the front row.

00:58:10.000 Everyone's so close.

00:58:12.000 Oh, yeah.

00:58:12.000 Because there's no space.

00:58:13.000 The old Catch a Rising Star.

00:58:14.000 Yes.

00:58:15.000 Dangerfield.

00:58:16.000 Yeah.

00:58:16.000 They're on stand-up New York.

00:58:18.000 Stand-up New York.

00:58:19.000 They're on top of you.

00:58:20.000 I used to go down, I'd take the train down, and stand in line, wait for a number to go on and catch.

00:58:24.000 And they'd put me on last, because I was from Boston.

00:58:27.000 And I'd burn it down.

00:58:29.000 And they'd go, hey man, here's your $10.

00:58:31.000 I'd give it to the bartender.

00:58:33.000 And I'd get on the night out and go back.

00:58:35.000 And I did that for years.

00:58:37.000 And finally, Belzer was good to me, and even Piscopo gave me a break, and some other guys.

00:58:43.000 But Mike said, what are you going to New York for?

00:58:45.000 I said, we'll do it here.

00:58:46.000 Why go to New York?

00:58:48.000 Let's have them come to us.

00:58:49.000 And the thing all was just like an explosion.

00:58:52.000 Yeah, there was no place like that scene.

00:58:56.000 And I feel so lucky that I started stand-up in 88 in Boston.

00:59:00.000 I feel like I just caught this wave.

00:59:02.000 Oh yeah, it was a wave.

00:59:03.000 When did you leave, Joe?

00:59:05.000 91, I think, or 92. Did you go to New York or L.A.? New York.

00:59:10.000 I got signed by Jeff Sussman.

00:59:12.000 Okay.

00:59:12.000 That's when I moved to New York.

00:59:14.000 I was driving limos.

00:59:15.000 Then when you went to L.A., what was the baseball show you got with Mike Starr?

00:59:21.000 Yeah.

00:59:22.000 And the funny thing about Mike Starr, I always wanted to work with him.

00:59:25.000 He's a great guy.

00:59:26.000 He is a great guy.

00:59:27.000 He had a ton of incredible body of work.

00:59:30.000 So we do a movie together.

00:59:32.000 We do something up in Canada, and we get in a beef...

00:59:37.000 You and Mike Starr?

00:59:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:59:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it.

00:59:40.000 So I said, I don't know, he said something.

00:59:44.000 We were drinking, and we were drinking like Labatt's Black Ice.

00:59:47.000 You got the hangover before you got high.

00:59:49.000 It was that powerful shit, right?

00:59:51.000 And he said something, and he goes, hey, man, I waited 10 years to work with you, and you're being like a dick.

00:59:58.000 And he said something, and I leap over the table, fight broke out.

01:00:01.000 They had a bust.

01:00:02.000 Yeah, oh, yeah.

01:00:03.000 I was on him like a spider monkey.

01:00:04.000 I was on him.

01:00:05.000 He's a big guy.

01:00:07.000 What year is this?

01:00:09.000 I was like 350 at the time, so when I landed on him, he went down.

01:00:14.000 And they broke, they tore us out, and we're walking out, and he goes, you know, I'm very disappointed in you.

01:00:19.000 Disappoint me?

01:00:20.000 Fuck you, I'm disappointed.

01:00:21.000 I waited all this time to work with...

01:00:22.000 And we made up, but it was never the same.

01:00:26.000 What year was that?

01:00:27.000 Oh, shit.

01:00:27.000 I don't know.

01:00:28.000 A long, long time ago.

01:00:30.000 Probably 25 years ago, maybe?

01:00:33.000 91, 92, maybe.

01:00:35.000 Oh, that was probably even before I met him.

01:00:36.000 Yeah.

01:00:37.000 I worked with him in 94. Yeah.

01:00:39.000 I saw him last night on Dumb and Dumber.

01:00:42.000 Dumb and Dumber.

01:00:43.000 That's a great scene.

01:00:44.000 Oh, man.

01:00:45.000 He's great in that movie.

01:00:46.000 He is.

01:00:46.000 He's a great guy.

01:00:48.000 Yeah, he is.

01:00:48.000 A nice guy.

01:00:49.000 You know, I was drinking.

01:00:50.000 Yeah.

01:00:52.000 What are you going to do?

01:00:54.000 Shit happens.

01:00:55.000 Well, you know, it was per diem.

01:00:57.000 My first couple of movies, they get per diem.

01:00:59.000 I go, what's this?

01:00:59.000 They go, well, this is per diem money.

01:01:01.000 I go, what's it for?

01:01:01.000 Well, you know, to buy food.

01:01:02.000 Well, we get fed.

01:01:03.000 And we go, well, you know.

01:01:05.000 So I spent it.

01:01:07.000 I spent it.

01:01:08.000 I didn't know you could save it.

01:01:11.000 Like, spend it.

01:01:12.000 And I would be, oh, I was shit-faced.

01:01:14.000 I mean, it was crazy, you know?

01:01:15.000 But it was fun, you know?

01:01:17.000 You learn.

01:01:17.000 Yeah, you learn.

01:01:19.000 Yeah, so I moved to New York in, I think it was either 91 or 92, and then I moved out here in 94. So I wasn't in New York very long.

01:01:27.000 And then you got news radio?

01:01:29.000 Yeah, I got hardball, got canceled.

01:01:31.000 Hardball, that was it.

01:01:32.000 Yeah, terrible show.

01:01:33.000 Yeah.

01:01:35.000 Was that Fox?

01:01:36.000 Yeah, it was Fox.

01:01:37.000 One of Fox's first shows.

01:01:38.000 I don't think so, no.

01:01:40.000 Married with Children and Simpsons, and there was a lot of shows on there.

01:01:43.000 They were doing sitcoms, though.

01:01:44.000 Yeah, it just wasn't very good.

01:01:47.000 It was a lot of problems.

01:01:48.000 It was also an interesting thing to see that the pilot was really funny.

01:01:51.000 Jim Brewer was in the pilot.

01:01:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:01:54.000 And the pilot was great, but the pilot was made by the creators of the show, and then once the network decided to pick it up, then they started bringing these network hacks to come in and turn it into some bullshit fucking show.

01:02:04.000 And it was terrible.

01:02:05.000 They rewrote scenes, and it was a disaster.

01:02:09.000 So I got to see...

01:02:10.000 Like, how really funny writers and really funny actors can put together a really funny pilot, and then that show could turn into dog shit because of network meddling and executive meddling.

01:02:20.000 And then to go from that to news radio, which was like the polar opposite.

01:02:25.000 That was just...

01:02:26.000 They didn't give Paul Sims much grief at all.

01:02:29.000 They let him do whatever the fuck he wanted because he was coming from the Larry Sanders show and they knew he was brilliant.

01:02:34.000 And then they had, you know, working with Mark Tierney, Phil Hartman, and Steven Rue.

01:02:38.000 And Steven Rue is an amazing guy.

01:02:41.000 Incredible.

01:02:42.000 It was the luckiest gig ever.

01:02:44.000 I couldn't believe it.

01:02:45.000 I've been working with those guys.

01:02:46.000 I never even took acting lessons.

01:02:48.000 I mean, I had a couple acting, they made me get a coach when I first got a development deal, and I think I took like four or five lessons with this lady.

01:02:56.000 So I hated it.

01:02:57.000 I had, they'd give me a deal, and they said, you gotta take acting lessons.

01:03:01.000 So I went to this acting class, and this woman goes, okay, I'm gonna be a tree, and I heard about that, right?

01:03:08.000 So what kind of tree?

01:03:09.000 And he says, oh, a big tree.

01:03:10.000 What kind of tree?

01:03:11.000 Is that a big willow?

01:03:12.000 I don't know.

01:03:13.000 I said, Will's not big, okay?

01:03:15.000 In this scene, we want everyone to crowd on like ants, we're all ants, ants.

01:03:20.000 And I go, all right, that's it.

01:03:22.000 I said, I'll see you later.

01:03:23.000 They go, what?

01:03:23.000 I go, I don't know why we're being ants, because what fucking movie am I going to be a giant ant?

01:03:29.000 That's not what I'm looking for.

01:03:30.000 And I left, and I got Lenny two days later, and everyone quit the class.

01:03:34.000 There were like 30 people in the class.

01:03:36.000 They all, Lenny got a series.

01:03:37.000 They all fucking quit.

01:03:38.000 It was crazy.

01:03:39.000 Well, the problem with acting classes is, I mean, it's good to practice, to learn how to read lines, but it's just pretending.

01:03:49.000 I'm not saying I'm Daniel Day-Lewis or I know how to do it like one of those guys.

01:03:52.000 That's a different level of acting.

01:03:53.000 But if you're on a sitcom, and if I'm on a sitcom, I'm playing a guy like me.

01:03:58.000 And it's just like stand-up but easier.

01:04:01.000 That's what it felt like to me.

01:04:02.000 Much easier.

01:04:04.000 People say, what was the difference?

01:04:07.000 I say, well, okay...

01:04:08.000 The difference between doing a sitcom, there's a camera.

01:04:11.000 And if something goes wrong, we take it again.

01:04:13.000 At a nightclub, people can throw bottles at you.

01:04:17.000 And do.

01:04:18.000 Oh, my God.

01:04:19.000 When I opened for Aerosmith, they used to come and see me at Stitches all the time.

01:04:24.000 And I had no idea who they were.

01:04:26.000 And someone said, you know who that is?

01:04:27.000 I said, yeah, some Aerosmith.

01:04:29.000 One of the biggest rock bands in the world.

01:04:31.000 I was in the disco.

01:04:33.000 If you could dance, you could get laid.

01:04:37.000 I could dance.

01:04:39.000 It was unbelievable.

01:04:40.000 I was like Travolta.

01:04:43.000 It was fun.

01:04:45.000 It was crazy.

01:04:47.000 I want to see you dance.

01:04:49.000 I can still dance.

01:04:51.000 Even when I was a fat guy, I could dance.

01:04:53.000 I was like Gleason.

01:04:57.000 They come and they said, we want you to open for us.

01:04:59.000 I go, yeah, no problem.

01:05:00.000 So I go over to the Orpheum Theater.

01:05:02.000 This is one of their many comebacks.

01:05:05.000 They were still getting high, I think.

01:05:07.000 So I go in where the crowd is going in.

01:05:10.000 And they're saying, hey, man, I heard there's a comedian tonight.

01:05:12.000 We're going to fuck him up.

01:05:14.000 And I'm listening to this.

01:05:15.000 I'm going, hey, man, I'm the comedian to myself.

01:05:17.000 Some guys, Lenny, Lenny.

01:05:18.000 So they call me.

01:05:19.000 What are you doing?

01:05:19.000 I said, well, I'm going to you.

01:05:20.000 No, no, you go on the stage door.

01:05:21.000 I didn't even know they had a stage door.

01:05:23.000 So I go back and they're all...

01:05:25.000 I mean, it was fucking wild.

01:05:26.000 So I go on stage and they start booing right away.

01:05:30.000 And there's like runway lights.

01:05:32.000 Aerosmith had these incredible lights.

01:05:33.000 I couldn't see anything.

01:05:34.000 And this is...

01:05:36.000 They're throwing bottles.

01:05:38.000 And bottles are smashing all around me, right?

01:05:40.000 And I'm going, fuck you!

01:05:43.000 Now I'm dodging shit and I can't see it coming right out of this lesson.

01:05:48.000 So this kid throws a milk that hits me in the balls, drops me to my fucking knees.

01:05:53.000 A milk done?

01:05:53.000 A milk done!

01:05:54.000 The kid hit me right in the nuts!

01:05:57.000 And so Stephen Tyler has his body guy drag me through the curtain.

01:06:02.000 Because I'm right by the curtain.

01:06:03.000 I'm backing up.

01:06:04.000 I'm trying to get away.

01:06:07.000 How much do we say we got?

01:06:09.000 A couple of grand.

01:06:09.000 He goes, here it is.

01:06:10.000 Come back tomorrow night.

01:06:11.000 So I go, fuck.

01:06:13.000 So I go back the next night and I go, fuck the Rolling Stones!

01:06:19.000 It turned into like a rally.

01:06:21.000 You want to go to Japan with us?

01:06:22.000 I go, no.

01:06:25.000 So you had to figure a workaround.

01:06:26.000 Well, you learn...

01:06:28.000 I think if you're a good comic, you learn from your mistakes.

01:06:31.000 If you don't, you're not going to proceed.

01:06:33.000 And I did...

01:06:34.000 I had the pleasure of working with...

01:06:36.000 I worked with...

01:06:38.000 Who's Pretty Woman?

01:06:40.000 Richard Gere?

01:06:41.000 No, no.

01:06:41.000 The guy who sang Pretty Woman.

01:06:43.000 Oh, Roy Orbison?

01:06:43.000 Roy Orbison.

01:06:44.000 Yeah, I think that's how bad my mind is.

01:06:46.000 So I'm with Kenny.

01:06:48.000 We're up for about three days.

01:06:49.000 I gotta go to Worcester.

01:06:51.000 I'm hoping for Roy Orbison.

01:06:53.000 Sorry.

01:06:53.000 I'm almost out of gas.

01:06:55.000 I'm out of blow.

01:06:56.000 I'm exhausted.

01:06:57.000 I pull into this place, and I go up there, and there's this food, bigger than this whole table, all this food.

01:07:03.000 And I hadn't eaten in a day, so I just thought, I'm like a bear.

01:07:08.000 So now, I fall asleep, right?

01:07:16.000 Robert pushed me back.

01:07:17.000 I wake up and he's all in black.

01:07:19.000 He's got those glasses and it's fucking Roy.

01:07:21.000 He says, you're the comedian?

01:07:22.000 I said, yeah.

01:07:22.000 He goes, they're bringing you on stage.

01:07:25.000 Oh my God.

01:07:26.000 I'll be right back.

01:07:26.000 So I do the show.

01:07:27.000 Great show.

01:07:28.000 I come back.

01:07:29.000 Roy says, you're a fantastic man.

01:07:31.000 You want to go on tour?

01:07:32.000 I said, I got to get some.

01:07:34.000 I got to get some blow?

01:07:37.000 I leave.

01:07:38.000 I drop from Worcester to the next.

01:07:40.000 And the next day I go, man, Roy Robinson asked me to go on a road with him, you know?

01:07:44.000 And I worked with Ray Childs.

01:07:47.000 You know, I worked with Ray Childs.

01:07:47.000 Oh, wow.

01:07:48.000 Yeah, and he was so good to me.

01:07:50.000 Oh, man.

01:07:50.000 He goes, Lenny, you're the funnest comedian I've never seen.

01:07:55.000 Then I went to Vegas.

01:07:56.000 Oh, he was great.

01:07:57.000 It was amazing.

01:07:58.000 The only person I ever opened for that I really hated was Juice Newton.

01:08:02.000 She was such a bitch to me, man.

01:08:04.000 Really?

01:08:04.000 Yeah, I was like a young guy, you know, and I was doing like the Cape Cod Melody Tent, you know.

01:08:10.000 She was like a country star, right?

01:08:12.000 She had one song.

01:08:13.000 She had one hit.

01:08:14.000 I don't even know what it was.

01:08:14.000 She was mean?

01:08:15.000 Yeah, she was mean.

01:08:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:08:17.000 So...

01:08:18.000 My buddy showed up.

01:08:19.000 My high school buddy, they climbed up and they took the Juice Newton off and they took the lettuce and put Lenny.

01:08:24.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:08:25.000 She was pissed.

01:08:26.000 Yeah, it didn't work out well.

01:08:27.000 Was that what she was pissed about?

01:08:29.000 No, she was just pissed.

01:08:30.000 I don't know.

01:08:31.000 Maybe she didn't want a comedian.

01:08:32.000 I don't know.

01:08:33.000 I was excited about meeting her.

01:08:35.000 She's a star, Juice Newton.

01:08:37.000 I was playing with it.

01:08:39.000 Game of Hearts or some shit.

01:08:40.000 I don't know.

01:08:41.000 She had one big hit.

01:08:43.000 I had a buddy of mine who was in love with her.

01:08:45.000 He had a Juice Newton poster on his wall.

01:08:47.000 Every time I go over his house, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?

01:08:50.000 Tell him he wasted his time.

01:08:52.000 It was a long time ago.

01:08:53.000 I don't even know who that guy is anymore.

01:08:54.000 I don't even remember his name.

01:08:55.000 I think it was Mike.

01:08:57.000 You know who opens up for Metallica?

01:08:59.000 Brewer.

01:09:00.000 Everywhere.

01:09:02.000 He tours with him.

01:09:03.000 And apparently he's fucking sensational.

01:09:06.000 Because he's a big Metallica fan.

01:09:08.000 And he does a game show.

01:09:12.000 He's so good.

01:09:13.000 He might be one of the most underrated guys.

01:09:16.000 He's brilliant.

01:09:18.000 He's one of the most underrated guys ever.

01:09:21.000 He really is.

01:09:22.000 He's just so...

01:09:22.000 He doesn't give a fuck.

01:09:23.000 No, he doesn't.

01:09:24.000 He just wants to make a living, have a good time.

01:09:27.000 You know, he's not trying to get more famous than he already is.

01:09:29.000 But if you get a chance to see Jim Brewer, holy shit.

01:09:32.000 He took the wife and kids to Africa.

01:09:34.000 He was talking about the trip to Africa.

01:09:35.000 From Metallica?

01:09:36.000 No, no.

01:09:37.000 Just...

01:09:37.000 Well, I think they were there, but he flew the wife and kids over to go on a safari.

01:09:42.000 I was going to take my kids to Africa, but they were going to have to get malaria shots.

01:09:45.000 I was like, I don't want to do that.

01:09:47.000 Well, you know what?

01:09:48.000 I mean, not only that, but, you know, there's, like...

01:09:53.000 I don't mind the lions.

01:09:54.000 I don't think anybody's gonna fuck my kids.

01:09:57.000 No, but wait, wait, wait.

01:09:59.000 Let me finish.

01:10:01.000 You got a mosquito with AIDS, it bites you.

01:10:03.000 What happens?

01:10:03.000 I don't think that works.

01:10:04.000 You don't think that works?

01:10:05.000 I don't think it works that way.

01:10:06.000 Well, we gotta find out.

01:10:08.000 Yeah, but that was what everybody was worried about a long time ago.

01:10:10.000 So it's not just me.

01:10:13.000 But in the 80s, that was one of the big fears, was that mosquitoes, mosquitoes are going to give, you know, one guy would have HIV, he would get a mosquito bite, it would fly over to you, and they would give it to you.

01:10:24.000 But then it comes to like a sick monkey, a tree monkey, isn't that how the AIDS thing started?

01:10:33.000 There's a lot of confusion, but they think it was probably from a hunter who was hunting a monkey.

01:10:40.000 And fucked the monkey.

01:10:41.000 No, he didn't fuck the monkey.

01:10:43.000 Cut himself while he was cleaning the monkey.

01:10:46.000 Like, while he was gutting the monkey, because...

01:10:48.000 This is a very common thing.

01:10:50.000 It sounds disturbing, but what they call bushmeat.

01:10:53.000 And what bushmeat is, basically any kind of meat from any kind of thing that they shoot in the woods.

01:10:57.000 And they would shoot monkeys.

01:10:59.000 When I was a boy, bushmeat was a whole different thing.

01:11:02.000 It's a different thing.

01:11:03.000 Yeah, I was around back in those days.

01:11:05.000 Back when there were bushes were real.

01:11:08.000 You call girls, you know, a bush.

01:11:10.000 People are like, what the fuck are you talking about?

01:11:12.000 No one has a bush anymore.

01:11:13.000 Oh, God.

01:11:14.000 That's porn.

01:11:15.000 Porn changed the game.

01:11:17.000 That's the biggest influence of pornography in American culture is not just that people watch it, but it changed the way people groom their pubic hairs.

01:11:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:11:27.000 I grow mine.

01:11:28.000 I shave all mine up because it makes me feel younger.

01:11:30.000 Good move.

01:11:32.000 Once they get gray, it's like, this is just depressing.

01:11:35.000 And then you start a little like, hey, look!

01:11:43.000 Yeah, Bush.

01:11:44.000 But anyway, that's how AIDS, apparently, they think HIV spread from patient zero was a guy who cut himself while he was cleaning a monkey.

01:11:53.000 He was cutting up a monkey.

01:11:55.000 Well, see, this is an informative show.

01:11:57.000 I didn't know how that worked.

01:11:58.000 Yeah, I might be wrong about that, though.

01:12:00.000 Well, look, I was wrong about the mosquitoes.

01:12:02.000 Don't be hard on yourself.

01:12:03.000 I just don't think that it...

01:12:04.000 I don't think it's as transmittable as, like, say, malaria.

01:12:09.000 Well, say mosquitoes transmit malaria, yes.

01:12:13.000 Well, what's the difference between a good chunk of blood going into...

01:12:17.000 You know what I mean?

01:12:17.000 I don't think it works the same way.

01:12:19.000 I just think it's more difficult to transmit, which is one of the reasons why men typically don't get it from sex.

01:12:25.000 They get it from needles.

01:12:27.000 You know, women get it from sex because a guy comes inside of you and, you know, that's how you get HIV. This is Medical Talk 101 on NPR. We appreciate your donations.

01:12:38.000 Without your donations, we can't operate.

01:12:40.000 Send us some, we'll give you a nice handbag.

01:12:43.000 To keep your bush clippings in.

01:12:44.000 Is Sweeney still doing radio?

01:12:46.000 Does he still do radio?

01:12:47.000 I didn't ask him.

01:12:48.000 He's not doing radio.

01:12:49.000 He does once a week, I think.

01:12:50.000 Oh, yeah.

01:12:51.000 He does a little internet thing.

01:12:53.000 He's not doing the...

01:12:54.000 He was on ZLX for a couple of years.

01:12:56.000 Yeah, he was making some good money, too.

01:12:58.000 Is there radio in Boston anymore?

01:13:01.000 Well, there's Kiss.

01:13:03.000 There's still Kiss.

01:13:05.000 Mark Parenteau was the pioneer with the 505 Comedy Hour.

01:13:09.000 That really helped boost comedy in the 80s.

01:13:13.000 He was a big proponent.

01:13:15.000 He helped me an awful lot.

01:13:17.000 I remember one night he came in and he said, Got to make the move.

01:13:22.000 I'm like, hey, man.

01:13:23.000 I don't want to smack you around, but this ain't going to work.

01:13:27.000 He said, why don't you come on my show?

01:13:28.000 I said, I don't know how to do radio.

01:13:29.000 He said, look, you're the best comedian.

01:13:30.000 I'm the best DJ to work.

01:13:32.000 I tried it.

01:13:33.000 We were selling out theaters.

01:13:35.000 I mean, it was just incredible.

01:13:36.000 Every time we'd go on a show, we'd promote it.

01:13:38.000 It was incredible.

01:13:39.000 Yeah, he was huge.

01:13:41.000 And I really appreciated his help.

01:13:44.000 Is he still around?

01:13:45.000 No.

01:13:46.000 He unfortunately passed a couple of years ago.

01:13:48.000 I went to see him two weeks before he died.

01:13:51.000 This is Mark's in the Mass General.

01:13:52.000 So I went in and he started laughing and then nearly choking.

01:13:57.000 I said, man, what's going on?

01:14:00.000 And he says, oh, you know, it's not good.

01:14:02.000 He only got a couple of days.

01:14:03.000 I said, is it AIDS? He said, no.

01:14:04.000 I said, so I kissed him on the forehead.

01:14:06.000 He goes, yes!

01:14:07.000 I love you, but I got shit to do.

01:14:11.000 I thought it was from mosquitoes.

01:14:12.000 I can't be taking a shot.

01:14:14.000 What did he get?

01:14:15.000 What happened?

01:14:16.000 I don't know.

01:14:18.000 I guess a lot of things went bad.

01:14:21.000 Is Matty in the morning still around?

01:14:22.000 He's still huge.

01:14:24.000 He's still number one.

01:14:26.000 That's crazy.

01:14:27.000 He was huge back when I was delivering newspapers.

01:14:30.000 Yeah.

01:14:30.000 Joe, he's going to be on the air almost 40 years now.

01:14:33.000 Wow.

01:14:34.000 And he had a TV show before the radio gig.

01:14:36.000 Wow.

01:14:38.000 Which you did.

01:14:38.000 He's a good guy.

01:14:39.000 Yeah, I did that show.

01:14:40.000 Always a good guy.

01:14:41.000 I did that show...

01:14:43.000 Well, he crossed me once.

01:14:46.000 He crossed you?

01:14:47.000 Yeah, and I flipped out.

01:14:48.000 I threatened to fight him, so I went on the sports channel and I said, I will drop 100 pounds and fight Matty Siegel for children's cancer.

01:14:58.000 And then...

01:15:00.000 Barry and Elliot said, we'll put the chairs.

01:15:03.000 We'll donate the chairs.

01:15:04.000 We'll put lounge chairs in the ring.

01:15:07.000 And then someone donated the venue.

01:15:09.000 And then it got really crazy.

01:15:11.000 And then Matty said, listen, I'm sorry.

01:15:14.000 We were doing an event that his mother passed away from.

01:15:17.000 And I said, all right, I'm sorry.

01:15:19.000 I apologize.

01:15:19.000 So we're back to being friends because we've been friends a long time.

01:15:22.000 But then, you know, I mean, sometimes people, you know, You know what?

01:15:26.000 One thing about you that I've always admired...

01:15:28.000 See, because I liked you before.

01:15:29.000 I even knew you were a badass.

01:15:30.000 I just thought you were nuts.

01:15:31.000 I didn't know you were, you know, a stone-cold killer.

01:15:34.000 But the point is, you have such a way, and other friends of mine that are just really, you know, dangerous people...

01:15:43.000 Very, very calm.

01:15:45.000 Even when people push you to the limit, which is good.

01:15:51.000 I wish I did that because I've been sued a few times.

01:15:54.000 Have you?

01:15:55.000 I've learned to keep my hands to myself.

01:15:57.000 You got to.

01:15:58.000 Oh!

01:15:59.000 But I always admire that.

01:16:02.000 There was an NBA player that I wanted to come for the Celtics, Howard.

01:16:06.000 I think he's been...

01:16:07.000 Charlotte now.

01:16:09.000 And I'd see guys slam him and he'd just turn and look, you know?

01:16:12.000 And like Logan Mankins for the Patriots.

01:16:14.000 People would smack him in the back and he'd turn around and just give that look.

01:16:18.000 I always admired people that could control the madness, you know what I mean?

01:16:25.000 You don't want to let the genie out of the bottle.

01:16:27.000 No.

01:16:28.000 Because that's when, you know, people die.

01:16:32.000 People go to jail.

01:16:33.000 You make horrible decisions when you're in a rage.

01:16:36.000 Yeah.

01:16:37.000 Also, if something does happen, you've got to be able to stay calm while it's happening.

01:16:42.000 Then you see where the shots are.

01:16:44.000 When people get frantic, the adrenaline starts pumping, you start hyperventilating and freaking out.

01:16:49.000 You don't see things.

01:16:50.000 You can't see things that are happening.

01:16:53.000 It's how people get hurt.

01:16:54.000 Oh, yeah.

01:16:55.000 You learn how to do that in competition.

01:16:58.000 Right.

01:16:58.000 Competition, you can never freak out.

01:17:00.000 You never can be emotional.

01:17:01.000 If you're emotional, you lose all track of what's happening.

01:17:05.000 You lose your breath.

01:17:07.000 You get tired quick.

01:17:08.000 You get that big adrenaline dump.

01:17:10.000 I have much respect for people like MMA and martial arts and all that.

01:17:15.000 I remember in college, my freshman year of college, a buddy of mine who was a fighter, Jimmy Fowl, great fighter, Golden Gloves champion.

01:17:21.000 He said, Lenny, I think you could be a good fighter.

01:17:24.000 So he took me to this gym in Springfield and I fought this Nigerian.

01:17:28.000 He was my Nigerian nightmare.

01:17:30.000 He'd only been here like a week.

01:17:32.000 I was like 220, he was like 235, you know.

01:17:36.000 We couldn't even barely speak English.

01:17:38.000 And we got in the ring.

01:17:40.000 And for the first 30 seconds, I was awesome.

01:17:42.000 And he hit me with a shot that put me airborne.

01:17:45.000 I mean, I was out cold before I hit the mat.

01:17:48.000 And I woke up and he was staring down at me.

01:17:51.000 Please don't get up, man.

01:17:52.000 Please don't get up.

01:17:53.000 I said, no problem.

01:17:54.000 And I realized that wasn't going to work for me, you know?

01:17:58.000 I mean, I've never lost a power room fight, but probably out of fear.

01:18:01.000 And just, you know, the fight or flight, you know, I wanted both.

01:18:05.000 They'd both kick in.

01:18:06.000 Let's fight and get out of here as fast as we can.

01:18:08.000 It's always a bad idea.

01:18:10.000 But the thing about bar fights, too, is, like, you're not fighting one person.

01:18:13.000 No.

01:18:13.000 There's other dudes around you.

01:18:15.000 You can't see them.

01:18:16.000 There's people that hear about it on the phone.

01:18:18.000 They come over.

01:18:19.000 There's girlfriends.

01:18:20.000 Oh, yeah.

01:18:20.000 Yeah.

01:18:21.000 Hitting you with bottles.

01:18:22.000 Yeah.

01:18:22.000 Well, weren't you a bouncer at Great Woods, Joe?

01:18:25.000 Yeah.

01:18:26.000 Mansfield.

01:18:27.000 Yeah.

01:18:28.000 Yeah, I was one of the security people.

01:18:31.000 And I quit during a Neil Young concert.

01:18:33.000 Because Neil Young, one of the things that we would do is we would catch people bringing in booze, right?

01:18:38.000 Right.

01:18:38.000 We'd always have to check people's bags when they were coming in.

01:18:41.000 But the other thing that we do is we try to keep order in the lawn.

01:18:44.000 You know how Great Woods has that lawn area?

01:18:46.000 Well, one day, during a Neil Young concert, they started having bonfires in the lawn.

01:18:53.000 So in the middle of the fucking concert, people were lighting fires, and we had to tell these people to put the fires out.

01:18:59.000 And I remember I had a good friend, his name was Larry Jones.

01:19:02.000 The whole staff of employees was like, there was a few guys, there was a guy named Alley Cat who ran the show.

01:19:13.000 He always wanted to open up a place called Alley Cat's Libations and Victuals.

01:19:18.000 I've always remembered that.

01:19:19.000 He wanted to open up a bar.

01:19:20.000 That was his dream.

01:19:21.000 I remember him.

01:19:22.000 The first time I met Alley Cat, some guy had stolen one of the golf carts.

01:19:27.000 They had a security golf cart.

01:19:28.000 Some drunk kid stole the golf cart, and they beat the fuck out of him with walkie-talkies.

01:19:32.000 I'll never forget that.

01:19:33.000 I was like, Jesus, these guys aren't playing.

01:19:35.000 And, you know, I might have been getting like 20 bucks an hour.

01:19:38.000 I don't remember what the fuck it was.

01:19:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:19:40.000 But I remember thinking, Jesus, I don't want to get in actual fights here.

01:19:43.000 Because I was competing at the time, too.

01:19:45.000 I was 19 years old, so that was when I won the U.S. Open, and I was in the height of my competition days.

01:19:52.000 And this fight broke out on this lawn, and they were all Taekwondo black belts, all either national champions or state champions.

01:20:00.000 There was like five or six of us out there.

01:20:02.000 And my friend Larry, who's like the nicest guy in the world...

01:20:06.000 He was in some sort of altercation with this guy, and I see him slam this guy in the stomach and drop him.

01:20:11.000 I'm like, fuck, if Larry's punching people, this is bad.

01:20:15.000 So I'd always brought a hoodie with me, because I was a coward.

01:20:18.000 And as soon as the fights break out, I would put a hoodie on over my security jacket and zip it up, and I'm like, fuck you.

01:20:24.000 I'm not fighting for $20 an hour.

01:20:27.000 You're out of your fucking house.

01:20:28.000 So I put my hoodie on and I quit.

01:20:30.000 I walked right out the fucking door with everybody else.

01:20:32.000 I didn't collect my check that week.

01:20:35.000 I was like, you can keep it.

01:20:36.000 I'm not dying.

01:20:38.000 Brawls were breaking out.

01:20:39.000 People were kicking people's asses and hitting people with shit.

01:20:41.000 There was fire everywhere.

01:20:43.000 And my preservation instinct kicked in.

01:20:45.000 I was like, there's no fucking way.

01:20:47.000 No way I'm getting involved in this.

01:20:49.000 That was my last day on the job.

01:20:51.000 Did you ever work there?

01:20:53.000 I mean, perform there?

01:20:54.000 Yeah.

01:20:54.000 No, I never performed there.

01:20:55.000 I never performed there, but I got to see a lot of guys.

01:20:57.000 I got to see Cosby perform there.

01:20:59.000 I saw Kinnison.

01:21:00.000 Kinnison there.

01:21:01.000 I saw Rodney.

01:21:02.000 This was in the Rodney bathrobe days.

01:21:04.000 Oh, yeah.

01:21:04.000 So Rodney was backstage, and one of the guys who I worked with saw his hog.

01:21:09.000 Oh, yeah.

01:21:09.000 He would be fucking full naked underneath his bathrobe, and he had a giant dick, and his dick was hanging out.

01:21:16.000 I've spent hours with Rodney.

01:21:19.000 We shot this movie out here.

01:21:21.000 Meet Wally Sparks.

01:21:22.000 And he says, come on kid, let's go get aight.

01:21:24.000 So we're in this trailer.

01:21:26.000 We're smoking dope.

01:21:27.000 And he starts taking his clothes off.

01:21:28.000 He takes the robe off.

01:21:29.000 And now he's sitting there with just his dick.

01:21:32.000 And I go, Jesus, come on.

01:21:33.000 He goes, what?

01:21:34.000 You've never seen a man's dick before?

01:21:35.000 I go, well, not, not, not, no.

01:21:37.000 He's so relaxed.

01:21:38.000 I go, well, put...

01:21:40.000 Put something over here.

01:21:41.000 He gets a faith call.

01:21:42.000 Hey, you happy now?

01:21:43.000 He says, listen, I want you to be careful with this dope.

01:21:47.000 I said, Rodney, I've been smoking 30 years.

01:21:49.000 I'm fine.

01:21:49.000 I'm telling you, Indians bring this in in canoes.

01:21:54.000 I leave the set and I'm out past Calabasas.

01:22:01.000 I live in the marina and I go, where the How'd you do it?

01:22:06.000 I got lost.

01:22:06.000 He goes, I tried to tell you.

01:22:10.000 Well, back then they had like California weed today is preposterous.

01:22:15.000 I mean, it's so strong that some people are having psychotic breaks and people have breakdowns and losing their mind and going into mental institutions.

01:22:24.000 It's like 40 times stronger than what And I smoked every day.

01:22:26.000 I used to smoke and work out.

01:22:28.000 I'd smoke.

01:22:29.000 I'd ride the bike.

01:22:30.000 I'd smoke.

01:22:30.000 I'd swim.

01:22:31.000 I loved to smoke.

01:22:32.000 I thought I was more creative when I was smoking.

01:22:35.000 You know, it's just like Colin's old line.

01:22:37.000 Oh, man, I got writer's block.

01:22:38.000 Oh, I'm okay.

01:22:42.000 It was just, I mean, now they tell me it's, and now it's legal!

01:22:46.000 When I did it, you had to hide it, you had to worry about it.

01:22:48.000 Now it's everyone.

01:22:49.000 What's interesting is my wife's friends openly smoke pot now.

01:22:54.000 Whereas when I was younger, if people found out you smoked pot, they would look at you like you're some sort of derelict, like you were doing heroin.

01:23:01.000 You're a stoner.

01:23:02.000 Yeah, like you were a loser.

01:23:03.000 Even if you were successful, even if you were working every day, even if you showed up on time, if you were a pot smoker, you were some sort of a loser.

01:23:09.000 Robert Mitchum, that was his big downfall.

01:23:12.000 He smoked up.

01:23:13.000 Robert Mitchell?

01:23:14.000 Robert Mitchell.

01:23:14.000 Really?

01:23:15.000 Yes!

01:23:15.000 And I met him.

01:23:16.000 I met him before he died.

01:23:17.000 Oh, yeah.

01:23:18.000 His downfall was pot?

01:23:19.000 Well, there was a period where, oh, he's a dope smoker.

01:23:23.000 Oh, dope smoker.

01:23:24.000 People said, don't smoke dope.

01:23:26.000 It's a gateway drug.

01:23:27.000 I go, you don't know what you're talking about.

01:23:28.000 Once again, I was wrong.

01:23:31.000 Well, everything's a gateway drug if you really want it to be.

01:23:34.000 But Rodney, those days of the bathrobe days were his best days.

01:23:40.000 It's the full-on, I don't give a fuck days.

01:23:42.000 He didn't give a fuck.

01:23:45.000 Rodney gave Lenny one of his first big national breaks on the HBO special.

01:23:50.000 Who was on your special with you, Lenny?

01:23:53.000 Schimmel, Hicks, Dice, Dom Herrera, Carol Leifer.

01:23:58.000 Barry Sobel.

01:23:59.000 Barry Sobel.

01:24:00.000 To this day, one of the best specials ever.

01:24:02.000 Yeah.

01:24:02.000 It was nuts, you know, because we were out here, and Rodney was auditioning everybody for it, and Mike said, go ask him.

01:24:09.000 So I said, hey, Rodney, I said, we...

01:24:10.000 You take a look at me.

01:24:11.000 He says, kid, have you seen people with three?

01:24:13.000 No, no, no.

01:24:14.000 And he walked away and he turned and said, hey, if you could be in New York next week, I'll take a look at you.

01:24:18.000 Mike says, we'll be there.

01:24:19.000 So we flew back to Boston.

01:24:21.000 We took the train down and Mike says, you have any idea what you're going to do?

01:24:24.000 I go, nah.

01:24:25.000 So I go into the bar and there's Bill Hicks sitting at the bar.

01:24:28.000 And I said, hey man, nice to meet you.

01:24:30.000 I said, I guess it's me and you up for the best spot, you know, last spot.

01:24:33.000 I said, May the best man win.

01:24:35.000 We'll have a drink afterwards.

01:24:36.000 He goes, I'm drinking now.

01:24:37.000 And I goes, wrong fucking answer.

01:24:38.000 I went out.

01:24:39.000 I punched the fucking phone booth.

01:24:40.000 This was long ago.

01:24:41.000 I was so pissed.

01:24:42.000 And Rodney goes, who wants to go first?

01:24:43.000 I do.

01:24:44.000 So I went on and I fucking burnt it down.

01:24:46.000 Rodney goes, Jesus Christ.

01:24:47.000 Now you're on the show.

01:24:49.000 Now I said, it's not my problem.

01:24:52.000 And Rodney's in the bathrobe, of course.

01:24:55.000 So we've got to be good friends.

01:24:57.000 One night we left there and we went up to the tavern on the green, okay?

01:25:02.000 And he's in the road.

01:25:03.000 He's in the bathrobe.

01:25:04.000 We're doing blow, drinking, smoking.

01:25:06.000 And we go up.

01:25:08.000 The doormaker goes, oh, not tonight, Rodney.

01:25:10.000 We've got some nice people in there.

01:25:11.000 We go, fuck you, nice people.

01:25:13.000 I got you the job, you cocksucker.

01:25:14.000 I'll fucking call you.

01:25:15.000 I'll come home.

01:25:16.000 Fuck you.

01:25:16.000 Come on.

01:25:17.000 Let's go.

01:25:21.000 So you saw Hicks when he was in his drinking stage.

01:25:23.000 I only saw him after drinking.

01:25:27.000 I saw him post-drinking.

01:25:28.000 I saw him at Nick's.

01:25:31.000 Well, the first time I saw him, I saw him at The Connection.

01:25:34.000 I saw him at Nick's and I saw him at The Connection.

01:25:36.000 Those are the two places.

01:25:37.000 We became friends after that, but I was trying to be a good guy.

01:25:44.000 Sometimes it's the competitive juices or pre-com.

01:25:48.000 I'm not sure what it is.

01:25:49.000 It comes out of here.

01:25:51.000 Well, one of the things that comics of today talk about is how it is a different thing in the community now.

01:25:57.000 The comics community is very supportive.

01:25:59.000 There's no competitiveness anymore.

01:26:01.000 It's not the same.

01:26:02.000 Because it's not like everybody's up for a limited amount of slots on an HBO Young Comedian special.

01:26:07.000 Or Carson.

01:26:08.000 Or Carson.

01:26:09.000 There's none of that.

01:26:10.000 In fact, everybody helps everybody because everybody does everybody's podcast.

01:26:13.000 Everybody supports everybody.

01:26:15.000 We work together on the road together.

01:26:16.000 It's a different vibe.

01:26:18.000 Oh, yeah.

01:26:18.000 When I was coming up, it was like that.

01:26:20.000 It was all cat and dog.

01:26:23.000 And everybody wanted everybody to bomb after him.

01:26:26.000 I always felt, I said, look, if one of us makes it, we kick the door down for everyone else.

01:26:32.000 But people were making it ahead of me, and they were slamming that door shut.

01:26:35.000 I'm going, hey, that's me!

01:26:37.000 Open up, you fuck!

01:26:38.000 You better sleep with what I open, you fuckers!

01:26:41.000 I'm not going away!

01:26:42.000 And that's why I had to go from L.A. I'd come out here and make no money.

01:26:47.000 And Mitzi would go, you'd be funny if you wore a red tie.

01:26:50.000 I'd go, okay, I'll get a red tie.

01:26:51.000 Oh, that's so much better.

01:26:53.000 And Mitzi was great to me.

01:26:54.000 I mean, when I broke through...

01:26:57.000 That's her right there.

01:26:58.000 Oh, I know.

01:26:59.000 I love Mitzi.

01:26:59.000 She said to me...

01:27:01.000 You're like Leno.

01:27:02.000 Joke, joke, joke.

01:27:03.000 I go, isn't that what it's supposed to be?

01:27:05.000 What did she think it should be?

01:27:07.000 I don't know.

01:27:08.000 I don't know.

01:27:08.000 I really don't.

01:27:09.000 But she said, you're not going to go away.

01:27:12.000 I said, no, I'm not going away.

01:27:14.000 Okay, you're a regular.

01:27:15.000 I said, what's that mean?

01:27:16.000 They got like $25 now.

01:27:17.000 I don't want to pay for my parking, you know?

01:27:19.000 So I flew back and forth from Boston, and they had me working everywhere, and I'd make enough money to live out here.

01:27:26.000 And I did every weekend for 18 months.

01:27:29.000 But it was so smart that you did that because you were one of the few guys that left Boston...

01:27:33.000 Right.

01:27:33.000 All these brilliant comedians like Rogerson and Sweeney and Gavin and Donovan and all these guys.

01:27:41.000 Tony V. There were guys that, you know, if they went to Boston and got on stage, they'd go...

01:27:49.000 Who are these guys?

01:27:51.000 They burn the room down every single time.

01:27:54.000 During the 80s and the early 90s, I saw some of the best stand-up I ever saw in my life.

01:27:59.000 Guys would murder.

01:28:00.000 It's hard to explain it to people.

01:28:02.000 You had to.

01:28:03.000 You had to.

01:28:05.000 Or you couldn't look the guys in the face.

01:28:07.000 Because Rodgers would go, wow, you really sucked.

01:28:10.000 Everyone was ruthless.

01:28:12.000 They were ruthless.

01:28:13.000 But the level of comedy was so high.

01:28:15.000 Yeah, like on a Saturday night, you could see Lenny, Sweeney, Gavin, Steve Wright, all on the same show.

01:28:21.000 Yeah, and it was crazy.

01:28:23.000 And then they would occasionally at Knicks, Knicks was the biggest culprit in this, where they would bring in some national guy.

01:28:30.000 Skippy.

01:28:31.000 Yeah, some fucking terrible guy who would sell some tickets, but then they would set him up.

01:28:36.000 And they'd have to follow these guys.

01:28:38.000 They would follow a fucking assassin group.

01:28:41.000 I mean, it was crazy.

01:28:42.000 It was a murderer's row of some of the best comics ever.

01:28:46.000 I remember Richard Lewis came, and I love Richard Lewis, and I think he's a great comic.

01:28:51.000 But he came in, and Gav goes, hey man, have you seen this Richard Lewis?

01:28:54.000 I said, no.

01:28:55.000 He goes, watch this special.

01:28:56.000 So I watched him, and I go, yeah.

01:28:59.000 It's going to be cannon fodder.

01:29:00.000 He goes, what?

01:29:01.000 I go, listen, I'm telling you, it's a lot different from filming and being on stage at Nick's.

01:29:06.000 So we came in.

01:29:07.000 It was me, Sweeney, and Gavin, and him.

01:29:09.000 And so we go on, and we burn it down, and he goes on.

01:29:13.000 And then he goes back to the Hotel 57 and turns on Channel 4 and sees Joyce Cohey work, butchering him in a review.

01:29:20.000 And he comes back, and he goes, I can't believe this is happening.

01:29:24.000 I go, hey, man, listen, you're a great guy.

01:29:26.000 Open.

01:29:27.000 Open.

01:29:27.000 I said, we'll take care of it.

01:29:28.000 He goes, really?

01:29:29.000 I said, yeah.

01:29:29.000 Don't blow him.

01:29:30.000 Throw him shit out the windows.

01:29:31.000 He goes, you guys are insane.

01:29:33.000 And six months later, I do my first movie, The Wrong Guys, with him.

01:29:38.000 And he says, I'll never forget what you did in Boston for me.

01:29:40.000 He was so nice to me.

01:29:41.000 And I was a wreck because I didn't do movies.

01:29:43.000 Well, it's a terrible position for a comic like him to be because he wasn't that kind of comic.

01:29:48.000 He was like a guy who would pontificate and he had these long pauses.

01:29:52.000 And stories.

01:29:53.000 Yeah, stories.

01:29:54.000 And funny.

01:29:55.000 But these people don't.

01:29:56.000 We don't want fun.

01:29:57.000 Joe, make us laugh!

01:29:58.000 Go, go, go!

01:29:59.000 It had to be set up right.

01:30:01.000 If he had a low-key opener, he would be fine.

01:30:05.000 Which I bet he got most of the time on the road.

01:30:07.000 And not crazy filthy guys.

01:30:10.000 No, no, no, no.

01:30:12.000 Shut up, Sully!

01:30:12.000 Fuck you!

01:30:13.000 I'll come down here with a fucking stab!

01:30:15.000 I'm sorry!

01:30:17.000 Well, you know, it was a very unusual group of guys in Boston, too, because they were all giant dudes.

01:30:23.000 Like, between you and Gavin and Sweeney and Knox, they're big men, you know?

01:30:28.000 These are big, intimidating men who are doing stand-up.

01:30:32.000 Do you remember...

01:30:33.000 The doorman, Billy.

01:30:34.000 Sure.

01:30:35.000 He nearly killed me one night, right?

01:30:37.000 The doorman at Nick's.

01:30:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:30:39.000 So these kids come in and go, hey man.

01:30:40.000 He goes, we're sold out.

01:30:41.000 He gets $200.

01:30:42.000 He goes, come with me.

01:30:43.000 He walks down to the front row, takes four kids from Charlestown.

01:30:46.000 Screw!

01:30:47.000 Get out!

01:30:47.000 And puts those guys down.

01:30:49.000 He goes, Come back next week.

01:30:50.000 I mean, that's how it was.

01:30:51.000 It was crazy.

01:30:52.000 It was insane.

01:30:53.000 You had to keep your head down.

01:30:55.000 When you're a young comic, keep your mouth shut, keep your head down, and don't get on anybody's bad side.

01:31:00.000 They told me.

01:31:01.000 I was doing The Connection, and Upstairs was a show with, I don't know, trans...

01:31:09.000 Transvestites.

01:31:09.000 People dressed up like, guys dressed up like women before there was titles.

01:31:13.000 Like a drag queen show.

01:31:14.000 Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.

01:31:15.000 So I go, and there was no heat.

01:31:17.000 And all the heat was in the middle room at The Connection.

01:31:20.000 I go, look at these poor bastards going up there to see some guys that go sing and dance in a dress, freezing their ass off, right?

01:31:27.000 Halftime, break before the next show, and Billy comes storming in the back room at The Connection.

01:31:34.000 He goes, who's Lenny Clark?

01:31:36.000 And Steve Wright goes, I am.

01:31:42.000 I go, hi, come with me!

01:31:44.000 And they take me down to Knicks, and they take me down to Southern.

01:31:47.000 They go, you know that fucking show you're making?

01:31:49.000 That vague show you made fun of?

01:31:51.000 We're producing that.

01:31:52.000 You ever say that again, they'll find you dead in the fucking river.

01:31:56.000 Do you understand?

01:31:57.000 Yes, I do.

01:31:59.000 Jesus Christ.

01:32:00.000 So then I had to go do another show.

01:32:03.000 They were stone cold killers.

01:32:05.000 He was friends with my buddy Joe Lake, who was my boxing coach.

01:32:09.000 And I brought Joe Lake to the show and they were buddies together and Joe Lake was a savage.

01:32:14.000 And I'm like, he's friends with this guy.

01:32:15.000 These are a group of fucking animals.

01:32:17.000 He's in jail.

01:32:18.000 He was.

01:32:21.000 Sorry.

01:32:22.000 Sorry, Billy.

01:32:23.000 Maybe he doesn't have a radio.

01:32:25.000 Maybe he doesn't have a TV. I'm sure he was innocent.

01:32:27.000 If it ever happened, he probably had a bad attorney.

01:32:31.000 Yeah, it was a bunch of animals then.

01:32:32.000 And people were literally getting paid in Coke.

01:32:34.000 Oh, yeah.

01:32:35.000 My first gig down in Florida, I did a place in Sarasota, and it was a great weekend.

01:32:40.000 The guy goes, Lenny, so it's the end of the week, two grand.

01:32:44.000 He goes, how do you want it?

01:32:46.000 You want it in cash or Coke?

01:32:47.000 And I went, Yeah, it was nuts.

01:32:53.000 Then I got whacked out and went to Tampa to see Jackie the Joke, man.

01:32:57.000 Because I had met him.

01:32:58.000 And he goes, how did you get here?

01:33:00.000 I go, I really don't know.

01:33:03.000 It was like, I was so fucked up back then.

01:33:07.000 It was like time travel.

01:33:08.000 You know, you could give me blow and booze in a car and I could end up from Sarasota to Tampa.

01:33:14.000 You look at that on a map, that's not an easy gig.

01:33:16.000 That's not an easy trip.

01:33:17.000 And I would just show up.

01:33:19.000 Ta-da-da!

01:33:20.000 And there was no GPS. It was like a fucking Holman pigeon, you know?

01:33:25.000 What are you doing here?

01:33:25.000 I goes, I got blow.

01:33:26.000 Come on in!

01:33:27.000 And he just figured out how to get there.

01:33:29.000 Oh, God Christ.

01:33:30.000 I remember we used to call, when you get a gig back in the day, and some of them would be in New Hampshire in some weird fucking lodge.

01:33:37.000 I did the lodge.

01:33:38.000 I had the lodge in Salem, New Hampshire.

01:33:40.000 Ironically.

01:33:41.000 I said, I'm doing the lodge one night.

01:33:43.000 And there's strippers, male strippers.

01:33:45.000 A kid I went to high school, it's a male stripper.

01:33:47.000 And I said, I'm emceeing, you know, and I got to do comedy in between.

01:33:51.000 So I go, Kathy, is there Kathy O'Malley here?

01:33:54.000 Your kid fell down and hurt his head.

01:33:56.000 Fuck you!

01:33:57.000 Show us your car!

01:34:01.000 At the lodge!

01:34:02.000 Oh, man!

01:34:04.000 Well, you'd get the directions.

01:34:06.000 You'd have to write them down on a legal pad.

01:34:08.000 Right.

01:34:08.000 Just write down.

01:34:09.000 Take a ride at the fork, and then you go two miles to this road.

01:34:12.000 Yeah, right.

01:34:13.000 It's in Salem.

01:34:15.000 You'll find it.

01:34:16.000 That's what they say.

01:34:17.000 So small.

01:34:17.000 Ask when you get there.

01:34:18.000 One night, he had me work in Rhode Island, Massachusetts, and New Hampshire.

01:34:23.000 Three gigs.

01:34:23.000 And I go, that's a lot of fucking driving.

01:34:26.000 He says, you can do it.

01:34:27.000 Don't worry about it.

01:34:30.000 I mean, I know how I did it without getting killed or killing someone.

01:34:33.000 It was crazy.

01:34:34.000 Rhode Island was always fun.

01:34:35.000 When I first met Kennison out at the store, I said, oh, my God.

01:34:41.000 It was like a revelation.

01:34:42.000 I'd never seen anything.

01:34:43.000 And I've seen everybody.

01:34:44.000 And I said, this is...

01:34:46.000 So I call him, and I go, you've got to see this fucking guy.

01:34:48.000 He's nuts, man.

01:34:49.000 It's unbelievable.

01:34:49.000 He's like this preacher who does comedy that's insane.

01:34:53.000 And so we bring him to Boston.

01:34:55.000 And Nix is the first stop.

01:34:57.000 Fired.

01:34:58.000 I had to fire him after the first show.

01:35:00.000 Why?

01:35:01.000 He showed up all fucked up, and I got him some blow, and he went on stage, and he was doing new material.

01:35:11.000 And I said, Sam, is there any way you could do your HBO? He goes, no, bro.

01:35:15.000 That's been done.

01:35:16.000 That's been done.

01:35:17.000 And I go, well, I gotta let you go.

01:35:19.000 He goes...

01:35:19.000 I figured that.

01:35:21.000 Then I got him a gig at The Connection.

01:35:23.000 Then he got fired from there.

01:35:25.000 Then you had him a place in Malden.

01:35:26.000 He got fired.

01:35:27.000 Then he shows up at Stitches at my gig.

01:35:30.000 And he comes walking in.

01:35:31.000 And I go, oh, Sam, man, I can't lose this gig.

01:35:34.000 This is my big money gig.

01:35:36.000 And he goes, do you trust me?

01:35:38.000 Do you trust the beast?

01:35:39.000 Do you trust the beast?

01:35:40.000 Bring me on.

01:35:41.000 Ladies and gentlemen, you saw him on HBO, Saturday Night Live.

01:35:46.000 He's one of the best I've ever seen.

01:35:49.000 Pulled it out with half a bottle of my way.

01:35:52.000 Chugs it down, burps and says, someone's fucking me tonight.

01:35:55.000 And from then on, he just burnt the room down.

01:35:59.000 And by the end of the night, they had hired him to come back to do the back room at the Paradise.

01:36:04.000 And it was off and running.

01:36:05.000 But, oh my God.

01:36:06.000 This is like 86?

01:36:07.000 Yeah.

01:36:08.000 Yeah.

01:36:09.000 Right after his special.

01:36:10.000 So, we're in New York and we're doing Caroline's.

01:36:14.000 And, I mean, everybody comes out to see the show.

01:36:17.000 It's unbelievable.

01:36:18.000 And they're going to do Rolling Stone.

01:36:21.000 He's on the cover of Rolling Stone.

01:36:23.000 And he's supposed to do the Today Show.

01:36:26.000 So he flies in every girl that's ever broke up with him and puts them all up in the same hotel in different floors.

01:36:33.000 I go, that's fucking genius!

01:36:36.000 Do you miss Daddy?

01:36:37.000 Do you miss Daddy?

01:36:38.000 It was fucking crazy!

01:36:42.000 So...

01:36:43.000 And I told this story to more than a small group of people, but we're in the room, and I'm lying on this side of the bed.

01:36:52.000 Brother's Bill here.

01:36:53.000 His mom's there.

01:36:53.000 Sam's passed out in the chair.

01:36:55.000 We've been going for days.

01:36:57.000 And Sam's mother goes, Lenny, You gotta get Sam up.

01:37:02.000 He's gotta do a today show.

01:37:03.000 And I go, today show?

01:37:04.000 That's huge, man.

01:37:05.000 We can't blow this up.

01:37:06.000 And he was just at the point where he didn't care anymore.

01:37:09.000 So I said, Sam, Sam, get up.

01:37:13.000 Get up.

01:37:13.000 You gotta do this.

01:37:14.000 Your mother wants you to do it.

01:37:14.000 This is big for you.

01:37:15.000 It's great for your career.

01:37:16.000 And we turn on the TV, and he's putting on his fucking...

01:37:19.000 He's putting on his coat, and this challenger takes off.

01:37:22.000 And we also...

01:37:23.000 We watch...

01:37:25.000 He explodes.

01:37:26.000 He goes, I will this!

01:37:27.000 I fucking will this!

01:37:29.000 Now everyone, back to bed!

01:37:31.000 And his mother's just going, hold on.

01:37:35.000 And the phone rings.

01:37:36.000 This is today's show.

01:37:37.000 We won't be using Sam today.

01:37:39.000 Oh, my God.

01:37:40.000 I willed it.

01:37:41.000 I willed it because you didn't want to go on the Today Show.

01:37:44.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:37:46.000 So later, he goes, you know, it was a horrible thing to happen, you know, to lose all those assholes.

01:37:50.000 But, you know, I guess she was a teacher, you know, I forget her name.

01:37:53.000 And he goes, and the kids were in the classroom.

01:37:55.000 And they're all watching.

01:37:59.000 Anyone want some cookie?

01:38:00.000 There's cake.

01:38:03.000 Right after it!

01:38:04.000 But he was fearless.

01:38:07.000 I don't know if you know the story about him, but his brother Bill wrote that book, Brother Sam, and he talked about how Sam got hit by a car when he was a little kid.

01:38:16.000 He was a normal kid, and he gets this horrible head injury, and then all of a sudden was fearless.

01:38:23.000 Like, that happened to Roseanne, and that happened to him.

01:38:25.000 Same exact story.

01:38:27.000 Hit by a car, one personality changes 100%, becomes a totally different personality, and becomes this wild, reckless person.

01:38:37.000 How about both of them?

01:38:38.000 Listen, you know, all these documentaries about him and stuff, and I see people that were on the peripheral edges.

01:38:47.000 I mean, I was with him for a few years.

01:38:50.000 I mean, we're bringing him to Boston.

01:38:51.000 We brought him to Boston when he wasn't making a lot of money, and Mike paid him, and he loved it, and we became real good friends.

01:38:59.000 It was just a time in life that I never saw anything like that.

01:39:05.000 When he'd break into the preacher thing with his little feet dancing.

01:39:09.000 So, one night we were up.

01:39:12.000 He started canceling, missing gigs.

01:39:13.000 And he missed the University of Arizona and...

01:39:18.000 His manager goes, and he had a big-time manager, and they had just got him, you know, the cover of Rolling Stone and all that stuff, and he goes, Lenny, you've got to get him to the show tomorrow.

01:39:26.000 You're opening for him.

01:39:26.000 I said, okay.

01:39:27.000 So Sam goes, come on, we'll go back to the place, and we're doing massive amounts of blowing shit, and I'm going up to go to the bathroom, and I'm like, He never gets up to go to the bathroom.

01:39:41.000 We're in Tampa, and we're doing a show.

01:39:44.000 It was the year that Tampa lost every game, the professional football team.

01:39:47.000 And they came in, some big offensive linemen, biggest guys I've ever seen.

01:39:50.000 Can we meet Sam?

01:39:51.000 Sam, these guys want to meet you.

01:39:52.000 And one of them breaks a little blow, and Sam goes, blows away, and he goes, whoa!

01:39:57.000 Sam takes out a bag, puts it down.

01:40:00.000 You pussies!

01:40:01.000 And walks out.

01:40:02.000 And they look at him like, yeah, he's not human.

01:40:04.000 So we go back to his place.

01:40:06.000 And now it's 3 in the morning.

01:40:08.000 It's 4 in the morning.

01:40:09.000 We're supposed to take a 7 o'clock flight.

01:40:11.000 And he said, yeah, we're not going to make that flight.

01:40:12.000 It's 8 o'clock flight.

01:40:14.000 It's only an hour out of, you know, L.A. to Arizona there, right?

01:40:18.000 So 10 o'clock, the...

01:40:21.000 The manager shows up, and the woman goes, hey man, this is not good.

01:40:24.000 This is a makeup show.

01:40:25.000 You didn't show for this.

01:40:26.000 It's a makeup show.

01:40:27.000 It's sold out.

01:40:28.000 He goes, take Lenny, would you?

01:40:30.000 And I'll follow on.

01:40:32.000 So we're in the plane, and he says, how much time you got, Lenny?

01:40:36.000 I said, well, how much do you need?

01:40:37.000 He goes, well, you know, until he gets here.

01:40:40.000 So I go on.

01:40:41.000 I'm supposed to do 20. I'm at about 54. And I'm going, man, I'm running out.

01:40:45.000 And I'm holding him off.

01:40:46.000 Sam, Sam.

01:40:47.000 And I'm holding him off.

01:40:48.000 And I look over, and he's on an oxygen tank with a mask.

01:40:53.000 And it's the big coat.

01:40:54.000 He goes, premium.

01:40:55.000 The deadlift!

01:40:56.000 The deadlift!

01:40:59.000 I bring him on and the place goes crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy.

01:41:04.000 And afterwards, we go to some strip club, right?

01:41:07.000 And so we're in there and everyone's wild, man.

01:41:09.000 He's a big star, you know what I mean?

01:41:10.000 People can't believe it.

01:41:11.000 So we're sitting, all the strippers come over and he's throwing money around and someone throws a can of beer and he goes, that's it!

01:41:17.000 He goes, You girls want to make more money in a night than you make in a month?

01:41:21.000 Come with me!

01:41:22.000 And we go, about eight of them come, and we get in a limo, and we go back to the hotel.

01:41:26.000 And we're up to the hotel, we're doing lines of drinking, and he goes, Lenny, he goes, I know you're married.

01:41:30.000 He goes, but in about five minutes, things are going to change.

01:41:33.000 Ha!

01:41:33.000 He goes, you might want to go.

01:41:36.000 He says, because once you open this door, you'll never be able to close it again.

01:41:41.000 And I thought, alright brother, okay.

01:41:44.000 So I left and I went back to my room, got an extra cookie from the Doubletree room.

01:41:49.000 So the next morning, I get up and I go over to the room and I open it up and it's fucking destroyed and there's blood everywhere and there's people sitting around crying.

01:42:03.000 Where's Sam?

01:42:04.000 Oh, it was horrible!

01:42:05.000 Where's Sam?

01:42:06.000 I don't know!

01:42:08.000 Fuck this!

01:42:09.000 So I get a cab, I go to the airport, and I fly back.

01:42:14.000 And to this day, I never know what happened.

01:42:17.000 There was one guy, Magic.

01:42:18.000 If you ever listen to this magic, fine, because I want to know what, but it looked like...

01:42:24.000 Looked like a bomb when our shit was broken.

01:42:27.000 All of it.

01:42:28.000 I mean, like a trashed place, but like dangerously trashed and blood and still blow left.

01:42:35.000 I don't know what happened at night.

01:42:37.000 You know, Marc Maron was hanging out with him back in the day when Marc was a doorman at the comic store.

01:42:43.000 And he's a young kid.

01:42:45.000 He did so much coke with Kinison that he heard voices for a year.

01:42:50.000 Wow.

01:42:51.000 His head was broken.

01:42:52.000 He heard voices in his head for a fucking year, and that's when he sobered up.

01:42:55.000 He came to Boston right after that.

01:42:58.000 That's when I met him.

01:42:59.000 I met Maren in 88 when he just was trying to get his brain back online.

01:43:04.000 He was fried.

01:43:06.000 They cooked his brain.

01:43:07.000 They were just up for days.

01:43:08.000 Not many people could run with Sam.

01:43:10.000 We're in Boston, and we...

01:43:12.000 I think we do stitches and we close.

01:43:14.000 I said, come on, we'll go over to Lansdowne Street because a buddy of ours was running that.

01:43:19.000 So now we're drinking bottles of champagne like it's going on.

01:43:21.000 He goes, that's it, man.

01:43:23.000 It's enough.

01:43:23.000 We got to go.

01:43:24.000 So we leave.

01:43:25.000 And Sam goes, where are we going now?

01:43:26.000 I go, I don't know, man.

01:43:28.000 There's no bars open.

01:43:29.000 It's after two.

01:43:30.000 He goes, you got to know a place.

01:43:31.000 I go, most of the places I know, they're folded up.

01:43:34.000 They've been shut down.

01:43:35.000 He goes...

01:43:36.000 Wait a minute.

01:43:37.000 He goes, the limo we had the other night had booze in it.

01:43:41.000 He goes, yeah, call the limo.

01:43:42.000 So they call the limo.

01:43:44.000 It comes fully stocked.

01:43:45.000 He goes, never underestimate my boo!

01:43:48.000 And we've been drinking it.

01:43:49.000 I said, how this shit happened to him?

01:43:53.000 It was insane.

01:43:55.000 Just not human.

01:43:56.000 He's a wild motherfucker, that's for sure.

01:43:58.000 He changed comedy.

01:43:59.000 He really did.

01:44:00.000 He changed what comedy was.

01:44:03.000 Before him, it was people telling jokes, but he was so outrageous.

01:44:08.000 And when he did that HBO special, that one that he did from the Roxy on Sunset...

01:44:12.000 I was there, yeah.

01:44:13.000 That fucking special changed comedy.

01:44:16.000 It changed people's ideas.

01:44:17.000 When he did that joke about the homosexual necrophiliac...

01:44:20.000 Laying down on the stage.

01:44:22.000 Wait, I... Oh, he's fucking in the ass!

01:44:25.000 It never ends!

01:44:26.000 So, I'm at the store one night.

01:44:30.000 I go in.

01:44:30.000 And the cops, the cops love Sam.

01:44:33.000 And there was like about seven squad cars out in front of the comedy store.

01:44:36.000 I'm going, oh, Sam.

01:44:37.000 And they're all lined.

01:44:38.000 The steps and the wall, they're all watching.

01:44:40.000 And he's bombing.

01:44:42.000 You know, I mean...

01:44:43.000 And he goes...

01:44:44.000 Yeah, you people don't seem to like me.

01:44:46.000 I want you to do me a favor.

01:44:48.000 When you go home tonight, I want you to take a piece of paper, a napkin, something, anything, and I want you to write on it someone in your life that's past, you know, a brother, a sister, a mother, the sacred dead.

01:45:00.000 I want you to take that home.

01:45:01.000 And I want you to get home.

01:45:02.000 And I want you to wipe your fucking ass with your fucking chest out of flight.

01:45:09.000 So fucking funny.

01:45:11.000 And everywhere we went, he would leave like 20 or 30 tickets for the cops in that town, wherever we were.

01:45:16.000 Really?

01:45:17.000 Yeah, the cops would always show up.

01:45:19.000 Oh, that's awesome.

01:45:20.000 So one night, we're up at Mitzi's, and he's up there jamming with Eric Clapton, Phil Collins.

01:45:27.000 I forget who the other guy was.

01:45:29.000 And they're on the port, and he's got the guitars.

01:45:31.000 And we're...

01:45:33.000 Rocking it out, right?

01:45:34.000 And I'm going, I can't play, but I'm going, this is insane.

01:45:37.000 And so the cops come, and he goes, Lenny, take care of it.

01:45:40.000 So I go up, and there's like three, four cars, the lights go, and I go, what's on it?

01:45:43.000 He said, hey, you got to cut it down.

01:45:45.000 I said, oh, man, you don't can't believe it.

01:45:47.000 Eric Clapton's on it with Phil Collins and Sam, and he goes, Sam, can we meet Sam?

01:45:52.000 So I go down, I go, Sam.

01:45:53.000 The cops said it's okay, but you've got to come up and take a picture with him.

01:45:56.000 And I said, Sam.

01:45:58.000 I said, see that?

01:45:58.000 They're closing it down.

01:45:59.000 So he goes up, and they have Polaroids.

01:46:01.000 That's when they had the Polaroid cameras.

01:46:03.000 And they took Polaroids.

01:46:04.000 I had me taking the Polaroids to Sam and the cops.

01:46:07.000 I'd love to see those pictures.

01:46:08.000 But you never know who was going to come over there.

01:46:11.000 You never know who was going to come over there.

01:46:12.000 It was just incredible.

01:46:14.000 He's the example that I always give to comics of a guy who was at one point in time...

01:46:20.000 One of the best ever.

01:46:21.000 Oh, yeah.

01:46:22.000 But then dropped off hard.

01:46:24.000 Like, he dropped off in a big way.

01:46:26.000 Just stopped riding, too much partying.

01:46:28.000 His brother talked about it in the book.

01:46:29.000 He just, it's what can happen.

01:46:32.000 Like, you can't, you gotta respect this fucking thing.

01:46:35.000 And he was just all about the ride.

01:46:38.000 And then, also, he became very, very famous.

01:46:41.000 Probably too famous.

01:46:42.000 Right.

01:46:42.000 You know?

01:46:43.000 Well, we were doing the Outlaws of Comedy at the Dunes.

01:46:45.000 That's how long ago.

01:46:46.000 The Dunes isn't even there now.

01:46:48.000 And he had driven out with Tamayo, Tamayo Asuki.

01:46:53.000 And I got a call early in the morning.

01:46:55.000 Lenny, Lenny, come quick.

01:46:56.000 Say I'm dead.

01:46:57.000 I go, what?

01:46:58.000 So I go over to Caesar's Palace.

01:47:02.000 And I can't wait.

01:47:04.000 I take the champagne thing, take it out, pour water on me.

01:47:07.000 And Tamayo pushes me out of the way.

01:47:09.000 And she goes, welcome to Japan, Mr. Bond.

01:47:14.000 Sam would ever say that every...

01:47:16.000 You would ever say that every morning?

01:47:18.000 Tamayo, I mean, she was so funny, man.

01:47:22.000 I really enjoyed her.

01:47:23.000 She was sweet.

01:47:24.000 I used to work with her at the store a lot.

01:47:26.000 I don't know if she's...

01:47:27.000 Is she still doing comedy?

01:47:28.000 I don't know.

01:47:29.000 I haven't seen her ever.

01:47:30.000 Oh, she came out.

01:47:33.000 You know, in your country, you say, I work miles to school in the snow.

01:47:37.000 In my country, you drop atomic bomb on us.

01:47:40.000 LAUGHTER Crazy shit.

01:47:44.000 Yeah, funny, funny, funny stuff, man.

01:47:46.000 But he was...

01:47:47.000 Oh, first time I ever did ecstasy, they were closing the club that he started at in Austin, Texas.

01:47:54.000 He goes, we're all going.

01:47:55.000 Laugh stop.

01:47:56.000 Yeah, we're all going.

01:47:57.000 So he drove.

01:48:00.000 I think he drove.

01:48:00.000 I flew down.

01:48:01.000 I met him.

01:48:02.000 And someone comes in and says, hey, man, you got to try this.

01:48:05.000 He goes, what is ecstasy?

01:48:06.000 He goes...

01:48:07.000 Yeah, man.

01:48:08.000 Give me all you got.

01:48:11.000 How much is that?

01:48:12.000 Give me all you got.

01:48:13.000 So we go, we're all on X. I never did X. And we're sitting on a couch.

01:48:16.000 We're drinking.

01:48:17.000 And he starts to float away.

01:48:20.000 So I reach over.

01:48:22.000 And I bring him down.

01:48:23.000 And someone goes, what the fuck?

01:48:24.000 You queer touching Sam?

01:48:26.000 And Sam goes, thank you, Lenny.

01:48:29.000 Thank you for bringing me back.

01:48:35.000 Crazy.

01:48:35.000 Jesus Christ.

01:48:37.000 Yeah.

01:48:38.000 I was in my shitty apartment in New Rochelle, New York, when I was listening to MTV News.

01:48:43.000 And they told me that, you know, on the television, they told us that he died.

01:48:47.000 Oh.

01:48:48.000 They called me and said, Lenny Sam's dead.

01:48:50.000 And I said, have you seen the body?

01:48:52.000 Because I couldn't believe it.

01:48:53.000 Killed by a 19-year-old drunk driver.

01:48:56.000 Who was a fan of his.

01:48:58.000 I'd seen so much and did so much with him.

01:49:03.000 I didn't think he was capable of dying.

01:49:05.000 Oh, when he's going back to school.

01:49:08.000 He says, come on, we'll go to the set.

01:49:10.000 And we go and see Rodney's in the robe.

01:49:12.000 He goes, hey, Rodney, what's up, kids?

01:49:15.000 You want to be in the picture?

01:49:16.000 And I said, well, listen, Rodney, I appreciate it, but would you put my wife in the picture instead of me?

01:49:20.000 He goes, you're going to put your bride in the picture instead of you?

01:49:22.000 I said, I've been on the robe with Sam for the last month.

01:49:24.000 He goes, no problem, bitches in the picture.

01:49:26.000 So we put my first wife in back to school.

01:49:28.000 She's got a nice prominent role in that, man.

01:49:30.000 Wow.

01:49:31.000 Yeah, yeah, crazy, right?

01:49:33.000 Goddamn.

01:49:34.000 How the fuck did you come out of all that so healthy?

01:49:36.000 Like, you look great.

01:49:37.000 Thank you, thank you.

01:49:39.000 You really do.

01:49:40.000 You got my dreams, Jim, out there, brother.

01:49:42.000 That's fantastic.

01:49:42.000 But, you know, it's funny, because I listen to you about, you know, your workouts, like the hanging thing, where you just hang.

01:49:49.000 You know, people doing pull-ups and stuff.

01:49:51.000 Just hang.

01:49:52.000 It's great for your shoulders.

01:49:52.000 It's great for everything.

01:49:54.000 30 seconds, get to a minute, stuff like that.

01:49:57.000 And when I... I did, I forget, I was doing a TV show and I saw myself, I was 388 pounds with a 56-inch waist.

01:50:06.000 And I had always been, you know me, when I first started, I was a thin kid and everything.

01:50:09.000 And I just, I was the only guy I know who did coke and had an eating disorder.

01:50:14.000 You know what I mean?

01:50:15.000 I would do a line and have a steak.

01:50:17.000 It was something about it.

01:50:18.000 Coke affected me really different than most people.

01:50:21.000 So I had the heart problems.

01:50:24.000 I had all that stuff.

01:50:25.000 I started to get better.

01:50:28.000 And then once I got sober, I turned even more to food.

01:50:32.000 I got bigger and bigger and bigger.

01:50:33.000 And one day I just said, I'm going to stop.

01:50:35.000 And then I started.

01:50:36.000 I went to Weight Watchers.

01:50:38.000 And I lost like 100 pounds with them.

01:50:40.000 And I thought I was going to be the spokesman.

01:50:42.000 And they ended up giving the job to Charles Barkley.

01:50:45.000 And then he was talking about fat bitches in San Antonio.

01:50:48.000 I mean, I love Charles Barkley, but I was the guy!

01:50:52.000 And he put the word out.

01:50:53.000 I lost 100 pounds with them.

01:50:55.000 And then Oprah took off.

01:50:56.000 And I thought, definitely, because I did Oprah.

01:50:58.000 I mean, I didn't fuck her.

01:50:58.000 I did her show.

01:50:59.000 And I thought that she would like me.

01:51:01.000 That never happened.

01:51:02.000 So I started working out on my own.

01:51:04.000 I started riding a bike, and I started swimming, and I started lifting weights because I never lifted in high school.

01:51:10.000 I was always rail thin.

01:51:12.000 I was like 178 pounds in high school.

01:51:14.000 And then I get into doing sit-ups and abs and crunches.

01:51:18.000 And then, well, remember when I met you on, what was the movie?

01:51:22.000 Here Comes the Boom.

01:51:23.000 You said, what happened?

01:51:25.000 And I just...

01:51:27.000 And the lifting was for my brain.

01:51:32.000 I'd go to the gym and it was good for my head.

01:51:36.000 I wasn't doing it to look good.

01:51:39.000 I was doing it to save my life.

01:51:41.000 And then I started to like how I look and I started working at it.

01:51:44.000 It's part of my thing now.

01:51:46.000 I'm 65 years old.

01:51:47.000 Kids in the gym see me.

01:51:48.000 How old are you?

01:51:49.000 I'm 82. Really?

01:51:52.000 You can have it too.

01:51:53.000 Just eat right.

01:51:54.000 But it's just amazing that you went from wild partying, constant drugs and booze and partying to 100% healthy, lifting weights.

01:52:06.000 He wouldn't be here if he hadn't stopped.

01:52:08.000 But it's a hard turn.

01:52:09.000 That's a hard turn.

01:52:10.000 It's a big right angle.

01:52:12.000 Well, the kid, Phil Barino, I told you, the bank robber kid was my sponsor.

01:52:19.000 He said, listen, you can get this together.

01:52:22.000 You can change your life.

01:52:23.000 You can, you know, the sky's the limit.

01:52:25.000 And he wouldn't leave me alone.

01:52:28.000 I went to one yesterday.

01:52:31.000 He goes, you need another one.

01:52:31.000 Can't stay clean on yesterday's shower.

01:52:33.000 They drove me crazy.

01:52:34.000 Can't stay clean on yesterday's shower.

01:52:36.000 How about that?

01:52:37.000 And he just was all over me.

01:52:40.000 And I started to get spiritual, you know.

01:52:44.000 Did you ever slip?

01:52:45.000 No.

01:52:46.000 No.

01:52:47.000 That's amazing.

01:52:49.000 I'm definitely afraid.

01:52:51.000 And I'm not a preacher.

01:52:53.000 I don't talk about it.

01:52:56.000 I'm talking about it now because you asked me.

01:52:58.000 And I don't judge anybody.

01:53:01.000 I'll drive.

01:53:02.000 You want to get one?

01:53:02.000 I'll drive.

01:53:04.000 People say, if you break out, will you come to my house?

01:53:07.000 I was insane.

01:53:10.000 And I didn't even mean to be.

01:53:11.000 I didn't know.

01:53:12.000 And now a lot of this stuff, like you were saying earlier, Pod's 20 times, 40 times stronger.

01:53:18.000 I'm going, really?

01:53:21.000 Do you miss any of it?

01:53:23.000 Oh, I miss it all.

01:53:24.000 I miss it all.

01:53:25.000 But, you know, I can't.

01:53:27.000 I can't go.

01:53:27.000 I know how bad I was, you know, and I lost.

01:53:32.000 I lost a lot.

01:53:33.000 You know, I mean, I'm still working, you know what I mean?

01:53:35.000 And, you know, I mean, it's something I don't want to go back to.

01:53:41.000 I did it, you know.

01:53:42.000 I mean, I used to go to Playboy Mansion.

01:53:43.000 I was at Playboy Mansion all the time, you know.

01:53:45.000 I was there at the high that would have had seven girlfriends, you know.

01:53:48.000 He came up.

01:53:48.000 I'm having a good time.

01:53:49.000 Lenny over.

01:53:50.000 He knows my name!

01:53:53.000 This old woman was putting a coat on, and I went over and I helped her with a coat.

01:53:57.000 She said, aren't you nice?

01:53:58.000 She said, my son was named Lenny.

01:54:00.000 I said, what do you do?

01:54:01.000 I'm a comedian.

01:54:02.000 My son was a comedian.

01:54:03.000 I go, you're not Sally Ma.

01:54:05.000 She goes, Wow.

01:54:05.000 And Sally Ma and me became best of friends.

01:54:08.000 That's Lenny Bruce's mom.

01:54:10.000 Lenny Bruce's mom, yeah.

01:54:11.000 And she'd say, come get me.

01:54:13.000 And I, you know, Joe, a horrible story.

01:54:15.000 I hadn't, we would get together twice a week.

01:54:18.000 You know what I mean?

01:54:19.000 I just, I'm with Sally Ma.

01:54:21.000 And, you know, Lenny would steal a lot of my fucking material.

01:54:24.000 I'd go to a club in Canada and say, hey man, there was a guy in here that does all your material.

01:54:28.000 Is his name Lenny?

01:54:28.000 He's my fucking son, that thief and prick.

01:54:31.000 She was fairly funny.

01:54:32.000 She was a comic?

01:54:34.000 Oh yeah, Joan Rivers was doing a movie of her life.

01:54:37.000 Sally Meyer, I never saw her.

01:54:39.000 I had no idea.

01:54:40.000 Her son would steal her act?

01:54:42.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:54:48.000 At 83, she was raped by some crazy Mexican who broke into a house.

01:54:55.000 And she goes, I'm 83, I'm a small fat little Jew, and this guy's fucking me.

01:55:01.000 And I'm going, that's your dick, that's all you've got.

01:55:05.000 Then he started beating me.

01:55:07.000 I go, no, you cocksucker, you don't have enough of a cock, you're going to beat me.

01:55:10.000 I'm an old woman.

01:55:13.000 I had to go visit her in the hospital.

01:55:15.000 It was horrible.

01:55:17.000 This shit happened.

01:55:19.000 I remember Sam had her open up his special.

01:55:22.000 And we did the thing to raise money for her too.

01:55:26.000 One of his specials.

01:55:27.000 She actually came out with him, right?

01:55:32.000 Well, I introduced Sam to her because I had met her at...

01:55:36.000 You know, she was an old woman at the Playboy Mansion.

01:55:40.000 She was the only old woman.

01:55:41.000 And half loved her.

01:55:42.000 And we'd go up there unannounced.

01:55:44.000 And we'd sit down.

01:55:46.000 We'd, you know, eat.

01:55:47.000 And then I drove her everywhere, you know.

01:55:49.000 Wow.

01:55:50.000 Yeah.

01:55:50.000 Pretty crazy.

01:55:51.000 Yeah.

01:55:52.000 I mean, I would...

01:55:53.000 Have you seen that new TV show, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?

01:55:56.000 No.

01:55:56.000 Everyone tells me it's a great show.

01:55:57.000 It's a great fucking show.

01:55:58.000 I mean, it's not historically accurate.

01:56:00.000 Like, the way they talk...

01:56:02.000 It's like they're doing kind of modern stand-up, but they're doing modern stand-up back in those days.

01:56:08.000 The woman didn't exist.

01:56:10.000 There was no woman like Mrs. Maisel, historically.

01:56:13.000 It took a long time before...

01:56:15.000 I mean, she was more rowdy than Lenny Bruce was in the television show.

01:56:20.000 But it shows you what it was like back when people were just getting arrested for saying things.

01:56:26.000 And it makes you realize, like, Lenny Bruce, that fucking guy paid.

01:56:29.000 He paid the price and we're all benefiting from him.

01:56:33.000 Well, you know, when I first started...

01:56:37.000 There was one book, The Last Laugh.

01:56:39.000 That was all there was about comedy.

01:56:41.000 It was no movies, no documentaries, anything.

01:56:44.000 And I wanted to know as much as I could about all the guys who came before me.

01:56:50.000 You know, because I'd watch...

01:56:51.000 I remember I saw Alan King do stand-up when I was on TV, and I went, oh my...

01:56:55.000 He was unbelievable.

01:56:57.000 I said, gee, fantastic.

01:56:58.000 Then I saw him as an actor, and I went, he's amazing.

01:57:00.000 And I got to work with Red Buttons.

01:57:02.000 You know, I mean, he was...

01:57:04.000 He wasn't a comedian, but he was really funny, you know?

01:57:07.000 And I mean, people that came before me, I knew every single one of them.

01:57:11.000 I'd studied them anyway.

01:57:12.000 And this was before YouTube and stuff.

01:57:14.000 I'd just read whatever I could find on them.

01:57:17.000 And I would tell these young kids coming up, I'd go, you ought to look at the guys who came before you.

01:57:22.000 And they're not interested at all, you know?

01:57:25.000 When I saw Gleason...

01:57:27.000 Gleason was what I wanted to be.

01:57:30.000 I just thought Jackie Gleason was just amazing.

01:57:33.000 And I said, I want to be like that guy.

01:57:35.000 Because he was incredible.

01:57:37.000 And people didn't realize he was a stand-up.

01:57:39.000 I didn't know Gleason did stand-up.

01:57:41.000 Oh, yeah.

01:57:42.000 Really?

01:57:43.000 One night, two-ton Tony Galenta was giving him shit.

01:57:46.000 The boxer?

01:57:47.000 And Gleason heckled him.

01:57:49.000 And Tony knocked him out.

01:57:50.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:57:51.000 Oh, yeah.

01:57:52.000 Oh, yeah.

01:57:52.000 He was incredible.

01:57:54.000 Because I met Art Conny.

01:57:55.000 You know, Jackie Gleason was obsessed with UFOs.

01:57:58.000 Did you know that?

01:57:59.000 Nah, but I kind of dig it too, man.

01:58:01.000 There's a story.

01:58:02.000 This guy told it to me.

01:58:05.000 Some guy was a rock band dude.

01:58:09.000 He told me the story, and I don't know if it's true.

01:58:11.000 But the story was that Gleason was friends with Nixon.

01:58:15.000 And Nixon said, you want to see some shit?

01:58:17.000 And Nixon took him to...

01:58:19.000 Area 51?

01:58:20.000 Area 51?

01:58:20.000 I don't think it was Area 51. I think it was Hangar 18, which is a Wright-Patterson Air Force Base.

01:58:26.000 I think it was outside of Columbus, Ohio.

01:58:28.000 And they supposedly had some fucking crashed UFO there.

01:58:32.000 And Gleason built a replica of it, or had a replica of it, built in his fucking backyard in New York.

01:58:39.000 Wow.

01:58:40.000 They went to the Homestead Air Force Base outside of Miami, it says.

01:58:43.000 Oh, okay.

01:58:44.000 There you go.

01:58:44.000 Beautiful.

01:58:45.000 I got a bullshit version of it.

01:58:47.000 Pull up the actual version.

01:58:49.000 Where are you getting this from?

01:58:50.000 I just Googled it.

01:58:51.000 I mean, it's a rumored story, so I don't know.

01:58:55.000 Yeah, that's how I got it.

01:58:57.000 I got it from a guy in a band.

01:58:58.000 It might be bullshit, but he gave me some book on UFOs and he was telling me about this.

01:59:02.000 But Jackie Gleason apparently was obsessed with UFOs.

01:59:05.000 Well, I believe there's got to be something out there.

01:59:09.000 We're it?

01:59:10.000 I mean, that's it?

01:59:11.000 No.

01:59:11.000 I don't believe we're at it.

01:59:12.000 I did a lot of USO shows, and I've been around the world, and every time I've done it, I was off the coast of Turkey someplace, and the commander at the base took me out for dinner afterwards, and I got him drunk.

01:59:28.000 I got him pretty drunk.

01:59:29.000 I was sober at the time.

01:59:30.000 I got him pretty drunk.

01:59:30.000 And I said, hey, man.

01:59:32.000 He goes, let me ask you about Area 51. He goes, he got stoned sober.

01:59:36.000 He goes, this conversation never happened.

01:59:38.000 And he...

01:59:39.000 And he left!

01:59:40.000 And I had to take a cab to find my way back to a nuke base that no one knows about.

01:59:45.000 So then I'm at the Dunes.

01:59:48.000 That's how long ago that was.

01:59:50.000 And I'm with these guys who are in the Air Force.

01:59:53.000 And they said, man, we really like your show.

01:59:55.000 We're fans here.

01:59:56.000 I got them drunk.

01:59:57.000 And I said, hey, man, what about Area 51?

01:59:59.000 And they said, Mr. Clark, Good night.

02:00:01.000 And they walked away.

02:00:02.000 So now, me and Mike are golfing with these blue angels.

02:00:06.000 And he goes, you're going to ask them?

02:00:08.000 I go, no.

02:00:08.000 The second year, we golf with them again.

02:00:10.000 I go, all right, fellas.

02:00:11.000 Tell me about every 51. Well, he goes, I was flying a plane, and I had malfunctioned, and I had to land there.

02:00:21.000 And they came out, and they pretty much blindfolded me, took me into a building, and they fixed my jet within 35 minutes.

02:00:31.000 And then put me back and say, we're never here.

02:00:34.000 And I went, oh my god.

02:00:35.000 So, I don't know what's out there.

02:00:36.000 Yeah, but that was, here's the thing.

02:00:38.000 That was an area where they were testing all sorts of military equipment.

02:00:42.000 They were testing different new, like, that's where the B-2 or the stealth bomber.

02:00:48.000 Right.

02:00:48.000 They were testing that there.

02:00:50.000 And the spy plane.

02:00:51.000 Yeah, they were testing a lot of shit.

02:00:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:00:53.000 So there was a lot of top secret stuff there.

02:00:55.000 Right.

02:00:55.000 Didn't necessarily have to be aliens.

02:00:57.000 I understand that.

02:00:58.000 And I'm hoping that there is.

02:01:01.000 But he's still trying to find out.

02:01:04.000 But you can't even drive.

02:01:06.000 If you drive up there, Joe, by the time you get your camera out, they're on you.

02:01:10.000 They tell you, get out of here.

02:01:12.000 We'll lock you up.

02:01:13.000 It's not good.

02:01:15.000 They don't even go there anymore.

02:01:16.000 They've moved to a new area.

02:01:18.000 They've actually, because it's so heavily scrutinized and because of Google Earth and all sorts of different ways you can see things, they've actually moved to another area.

02:01:26.000 I read everything I can find about That, too.

02:01:29.000 And I think I read the book Area 51. It was a couple, two years ago.

02:01:34.000 And basically, at the end of the book, it was like Hitler had these, you know, his guys experimenting with the Jews and cut and put their arms on different ways and had an aircraft that looked like a spaceship, and it crashed.

02:01:49.000 And these people came out with crazy arms.

02:01:51.000 They're aliens!

02:01:52.000 And that was in the book, you know, so they kind of shut the shit out.

02:01:56.000 I know that Hitler did experiment with some sort of disc-type air vehicle.

02:02:02.000 Yeah, they did, but I don't know if they ever got it off the ground or what the deal was.

02:02:06.000 But the most interesting story is the story of Robert Lazar, Bob Lazar, who was a guy who worked at Area 51, and he got fired because his wife was cheating on him.

02:02:15.000 And they were recording all of his phone calls and taping all of his conversations and they found out that his wife was cheating on him.

02:02:21.000 They thought that he was going to be emotionally unstable.

02:02:23.000 And so they didn't tell him why, they just released him.

02:02:25.000 And so then he brings friends to watch these, what he said were alien crafts that they were experimenting with.

02:02:33.000 And they were flying these things around that had some It's super advanced propulsion system that they were asking him to help back engineer and he brought friends do that and then they got arrested for doing that and when he did that then he started talking about it so he's been discredited by a bunch of people but I don't know who's telling the truth he says that they they wiped his college record so that no one but people said they went to school with them he definitely did work for the government but under what capacity who knows but his story is fascinating and you know I want it

02:03:03.000 to be true you hear it you want it to be true They used to fly the team of people that worked at Area 51 from Burbank.

02:03:12.000 Yeah.

02:03:13.000 Every day, fly them in, they'd work, and then fly them back.

02:03:17.000 They didn't stay over there.

02:03:18.000 Well, there was that one airport outside of Vegas that was right outside where the Riviera was.

02:03:22.000 Yeah.

02:03:22.000 You could actually look out and see the airport.

02:03:25.000 Yeah.

02:03:25.000 And they would fly the people from there and it's unmarked jets.

02:03:28.000 Yeah, I want it to be true.

02:03:30.000 Of course.

02:03:31.000 Yeah, you want it to be true.

02:03:33.000 We flew...

02:03:34.000 We did Guantanamo Bay.

02:03:38.000 Oh, wow.

02:03:38.000 You did stand-up there?

02:03:39.000 Yeah.

02:03:40.000 What the fuck is that like?

02:03:41.000 It was amazing.

02:03:42.000 Colin Quinn, Gregor Aldo, who's the little kid on Billions?

02:03:48.000 Mike Perbiglia.

02:03:49.000 Mike Perbiglia.

02:03:50.000 And Gaffigan.

02:03:51.000 Jim Gaffigan.

02:03:51.000 And someone else.

02:03:53.000 We flew in like a CIA plane.

02:03:55.000 Whoa!

02:03:56.000 And we did the show.

02:03:58.000 Jesus Christ!

02:03:59.000 Yeah, it was pretty amazing.

02:04:01.000 And I tailored my show to the Marines that were there.

02:04:05.000 These are young guys.

02:04:06.000 And during the week, they said, Mr. Clark, you really lifted the morale of everyone.

02:04:10.000 He says...

02:04:11.000 What do you want to do?

02:04:12.000 I said, I want to go over and torture the prisoners.

02:04:14.000 You know, not actually do it, scream at them and shit like that.

02:04:17.000 Oh, we can't have that, you know.

02:04:20.000 But anyway, we do the show and we're leaving like three days later and I get to the airport.

02:04:26.000 I'm the first one there and I see this little eight-seater plane and I go...

02:04:31.000 Two Spanish-speaking guys go, baño?

02:04:33.000 No baño.

02:04:34.000 So I go into the gift shop and I buy a giant water thing so I can piss in it.

02:04:41.000 And the guys show up, who wants beers?

02:04:45.000 That's great!

02:04:46.000 We got on a plane and we fly.

02:04:49.000 It only took us like an hour to fly in.

02:04:51.000 This was a four-hour flight in a two-engine, eight-seater over water the whole way.

02:04:56.000 And about 15 minutes ago, hey man, where's the bathroom?

02:04:58.000 I go, what?

02:05:01.000 By the time we hit Miami, these guys were pissing at the top of the stairs.

02:05:05.000 It was so funny.

02:05:08.000 Yeah, that was his favorite then.

02:05:10.000 But Guantanamo Bay was amazing.

02:05:13.000 That's got to be very weird.

02:05:14.000 What year was this?

02:05:16.000 Oh, shit.

02:05:17.000 This is post 9-11, obviously.

02:05:19.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:05:20.000 Because I said to them, I said, well, can we ride horses?

02:05:25.000 And they said, no more horses.

02:05:26.000 They had horseback riding.

02:05:27.000 They had beautiful beaches for our troops.

02:05:29.000 And I could see sailfish breaking.

02:05:32.000 And I said, can we go fishing?

02:05:33.000 You know, I've never caught a sailfish.

02:05:34.000 They said, no, we can't.

02:05:35.000 We can't go out.

02:05:36.000 And they said, we'll give you a ride in the gunboat.

02:05:37.000 I went in the gunboat.

02:05:38.000 They said, what do you think?

02:05:38.000 I said, my wife's boat's faster.

02:05:40.000 You know, you'll be honest with me.

02:05:41.000 It was nice, but my wife bought jams.

02:05:44.000 So then the golf, you had to carry your mat and hit off the mat.

02:05:49.000 It's all been run into disrepair, but it's still beautiful.

02:05:53.000 And because I did TV and movies, I was like a GS-13 and I got the best apartment overlooking the bay.

02:05:59.000 And that bay is so big, you can fit an entire battle fleet with the With the battleship and the destroyers, everything that goes with it, right in the bay.

02:06:10.000 And all it was in was like a rowboat.

02:06:11.000 I mean, the tanks are gone.

02:06:13.000 So they said, do you want to go ride the fence?

02:06:16.000 I said, yeah, yeah.

02:06:16.000 So we get up in the tower and I see the binoculars and I see this Cuban guy.

02:06:21.000 So I give him the finger and he goes, no!

02:06:22.000 No!

02:06:22.000 Mr. Clark, you'll start an international incident.

02:06:25.000 And the guy comes out, he says, I'm sorry, sorry, they made it.

02:06:27.000 They go, we've got to go away.

02:06:29.000 So I said, why are you so nervous?

02:06:31.000 He goes, there's millions of Cubans here.

02:06:33.000 They could overrun us.

02:06:34.000 And I go, really?

02:06:35.000 And they go, well, don't we have, no, we have a skeleton force now.

02:06:38.000 If they wanted to overtake, I said, we could call in an airstrike.

02:06:41.000 I said, I don't know what that takes.

02:06:42.000 And they go, about 20 minutes.

02:06:44.000 The Jets will come out of wherever.

02:06:46.000 Probably out of Florida.

02:06:49.000 So, I said, the commander goes, if you could do anything you want, I said, I'd like to go in Havana and buy some cigars, you know, treat the guys to some beers.

02:06:56.000 Come in my office.

02:06:57.000 We go in and there's a map.

02:06:58.000 He goes, see this?

02:06:59.000 This is where you are.

02:07:00.000 He goes, that's where Havana is.

02:07:02.000 Cuba is the biggest island in the Caribbean.

02:07:04.000 I had no idea.

02:07:05.000 736 miles from Havana.

02:07:07.000 He said, you were closer to Havana when you were in Miami.

02:07:10.000 And I went, whoa.

02:07:10.000 Yeah, I didn't know that.

02:07:11.000 But the guys were great.

02:07:14.000 It was a great show.

02:07:15.000 They put it on TV. It's probably on YouTube someplace.

02:07:20.000 It sucks they wouldn't let you go fishing, though.

02:07:23.000 I wanted to ride a horse.

02:07:25.000 I wanted to ride the tank.

02:07:26.000 You see all the tank tracks from when they went up over the mountains.

02:07:29.000 And they had taken...

02:07:32.000 We're good to go.

02:08:05.000 I wasn't there.

02:08:06.000 I mean, I wasn't there when he grabbed them.

02:08:07.000 But there were some bad guys in there.

02:08:09.000 Bad guys, too.

02:08:10.000 Yeah, some real bad guys.

02:08:11.000 When Obama released the five guys for that one guy...

02:08:19.000 The deserter.

02:08:20.000 Yeah, the deserter.

02:08:22.000 One of my buddies in the sales says, Lenny, I put three of those guys in there, and they're bad guys.

02:08:26.000 They shouldn't be let out.

02:08:27.000 Who knows?

02:08:28.000 I mean...

02:08:29.000 Yeah, it's got to be strange, though, to be in that.

02:08:31.000 I mean, that is like one of the most famous prisons in the world, and you're doing stand-up there.

02:08:36.000 Oh, it was unbelievable.

02:08:38.000 I mean, I really liked it.

02:08:42.000 Castro has never cashed a check.

02:08:44.000 It's $5,000 a year.

02:08:46.000 We pay him $5,000 a year for that Guantanamo Bay.

02:08:51.000 And he never cashed a check.

02:08:54.000 Because he figured if he didn't cash it, we could get support, he could get out of the deal.

02:08:58.000 But that was the deal made.

02:09:00.000 And Joe, it was so beautiful.

02:09:04.000 They used to have fire pits and...

02:09:09.000 Beautiful things, the shade, the families, and the beaches are pristine.

02:09:13.000 But they let it go to hell.

02:09:15.000 That's so strange.

02:09:17.000 Yeah.

02:09:18.000 Lenny Clark, you've lived a fucking amazing life, man.

02:09:20.000 Well, I'm going to write a book as soon as a few more people die.

02:09:26.000 Thank you, brother.

02:09:27.000 Hey, Joe, thanks for having me on, man.

02:09:29.000 Thanks for being here, man.

02:09:29.000 My pleasure.

02:09:30.000 Pleasure to see you.

02:09:31.000 Thanks, Mike.

02:09:32.000 And thanks for taking care of me when I was up and coming, man.

02:09:35.000 You're the best, man.

02:09:36.000 I paid a lot of my bills because of you, my friend.

02:09:38.000 I appreciate it, pal.

02:09:40.000 All right, everybody.

02:09:40.000 That's it.

02:09:41.000 Good night.

02:09:43.000 Wow.

02:09:44.000 No dead air.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 25, 2019

Joe Rogan Experience #1270 - Lenny Clarke

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