The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1288

00:00:03.000 Do you drink?

00:00:04.000 Do you want a zero alcohol mannequin?

00:00:07.000 Sure.

00:00:07.000 If you haven't one.

00:00:08.000 There you go, fella.

00:00:09.000 Zero alcohol.

00:00:10.000 Let's get crazy.

00:00:11.000 They're actually good.

00:00:12.000 Well, let's pace ourselves.

00:00:13.000 Cheers, sir.

00:00:14.000 I'm going to chug this.

00:00:15.000 Whoa, don't do that.

00:00:16.000 No, I'm not going to do that.

00:00:16.000 Dude, what are you, dangerous?

00:00:17.000 Zero alcohol?

00:00:18.000 How many calories, though?

00:00:20.000 What are you scared of calories, bro?

00:00:22.000 That's how you stay alive.

00:00:23.000 That's true.

00:00:24.000 What are you going to get your energy from the air?

00:00:24.000 I mean, I got plenty of calories already.

00:00:26.000 I have to ask you, did you drive in in the Hemi?

00:00:29.000 No, I didn't.

00:00:30.000 I got dropped off in a Chevy.

00:00:32.000 Oh, my God.

00:00:33.000 This is outrageous.

00:00:34.000 I had one for a little while.

00:00:36.000 Just a little while?

00:00:37.000 Yeah.

00:00:37.000 I figured, like, you would have to have one for quite a long time.

00:00:40.000 It was fun.

00:00:41.000 Well, okay.

00:00:42.000 I'm going to backtrack a little bit.

00:00:44.000 So, first commercial, right?

00:00:46.000 That thing got a heavy!

00:00:48.000 Right.

00:00:48.000 I did six of these things.

00:00:49.000 Yeah.

00:00:50.000 And around commercial three, I was talking to my agent.

00:00:54.000 I said, man, you know, if they ask to do another one.

00:00:58.000 Oh, shit.

00:00:58.000 Here we go.

00:01:00.000 Yeah.

00:01:01.000 Oh my god.

00:01:01.000 Is that a hammy?

00:01:02.000 That's the worst I've ever looked in my life.

00:01:04.000 I really felt like, I was sitting in the desert, like, no one's ever going to see these commercials.

00:01:07.000 No one's going to know what a hammy is.

00:01:09.000 Incorrect.

00:01:10.000 And I could not have been more wrong.

00:01:13.000 Yeah.

00:01:14.000 Yeah.

00:01:14.000 There it is.

00:01:15.000 Look at that badass!

00:01:16.000 Did they give you one or did you just go out and buy one?

00:01:18.000 Well, I said, listen, if they want me to do another commercial, see if you can get a vehicle out of them.

00:01:24.000 Right.

00:01:24.000 And my agent was like, you know, make it their problem.

00:01:27.000 He calls them up.

00:01:27.000 He goes, hey, I don't know if you know this, but your Hemi guy, your spokesman, is driving around Los Angeles right now in a Suzuki Sidekick.

00:01:35.000 Oh.

00:01:35.000 And they're like, what?

00:01:36.000 Wait a minute, Suzuki Sidekick?

00:01:37.000 That's what I had.

00:01:38.000 Isn't that the fucking T-Mobile device?

00:01:40.000 It's a box kite.

00:01:41.000 Yeah.

00:01:42.000 Is that the same thing?

00:01:43.000 It's the lightest.

00:01:45.000 It's a box kite.

00:01:46.000 If you could put a string to it and float it in the air.

00:01:47.000 Was that that shitty looking Jeep thing?

00:01:50.000 Yes.

00:01:50.000 Oh, wow.

00:01:51.000 You had one of those?

00:01:51.000 I did.

00:01:52.000 Yeah.

00:01:52.000 Red.

00:01:53.000 Wow.

00:01:53.000 I don't know why.

00:01:54.000 For some reason, I liked that thing.

00:01:56.000 I got it in college.

00:01:57.000 That's probably why you like it.

00:01:58.000 Yeah.

00:01:59.000 Nostalgia.

00:01:59.000 It was cool for tailgating and shit.

00:02:01.000 There it is.

00:02:02.000 Yeah.

00:02:02.000 Look at that.

00:02:04.000 That's the LL Cool J version.

00:02:06.000 I didn't have that one.

00:02:07.000 What's the LL Cool J version?

00:02:08.000 I don't know.

00:02:09.000 I think I saw that in a video one time.

00:02:10.000 Because that's the one I had right there.

00:02:12.000 You had that?

00:02:12.000 Hard top.

00:02:13.000 Damn.

00:02:14.000 Yeah.

00:02:15.000 I totaled that thing in North Dakota one time.

00:02:17.000 Hit black ice.

00:02:19.000 I mean, a gust of wind just knocked me off the road, and I was in a ditch.

00:02:23.000 But it was, you know how people in motorcycles, they'll see another motorcycle and they'll wave, and it's like a little club that you're in, and Jeeps do it too.

00:02:31.000 And I started doing that to other Suzuki sidekicks, and for whatever reason, I'd wave to them.

00:02:36.000 Nine times out of ten, it's like an overweight black lady.

00:02:39.000 And I'm just waving at them like, what is he doing?

00:02:42.000 I was like, we're in the club, man.

00:02:46.000 People love to do that with nice cars.

00:02:48.000 But to do that with shitty cars, too.

00:02:50.000 That's next level.

00:02:51.000 That's more fun.

00:02:53.000 Like, I see you.

00:02:54.000 So what did they give you when they gave you a Hemi?

00:02:56.000 It was a 1500 Dodge Ram quad cab, black, a lot of chrome.

00:03:02.000 I feel comfortable on that thing.

00:03:03.000 I loved it.

00:03:03.000 I loved it when I first got it.

00:03:05.000 You know, it's like in the middle of, you know, I did six of those commercials, so I was riding around L.A. with the windows down, just blasting, you know, Leonard Skinner and shit.

00:03:14.000 Yeah, that's perfect for that.

00:03:15.000 Just pull up to the comedy store, and like, park it!

00:03:18.000 I mean, they hated parking that thing in that lot, because it's gigantic.

00:03:21.000 Yeah, it's a wide beast.

00:03:22.000 And they're like, really, man?

00:03:24.000 Can't you just have somebody drop you off?

00:03:25.000 Yeah, Brendan Schaub's been showing up in his, he got a Raptor.

00:03:29.000 Oh, yeah.

00:03:30.000 You didn't realize how wide those things are until you're standing in front of them.

00:03:32.000 They're huge.

00:03:33.000 It's a fucking giant vehicle.

00:03:35.000 And then trying to valet that thing anywhere in Los Angeles, you know?

00:03:39.000 It's a lot of tiny little Mexican dudes who are like, really, man?

00:03:41.000 Well, the worst is if you try to valet a stick shift.

00:03:44.000 Oh, right!

00:03:45.000 I tried to give a valet my keys to my Bronco, and he didn't know what to do.

00:03:49.000 I go, you don't know how to drive a stick shift.

00:03:50.000 He goes, no.

00:03:51.000 I go, what the fuck are you doing here, man?

00:03:53.000 How can you have this job?

00:03:54.000 Yeah.

00:03:55.000 Yeah, that should be a part of the resume.

00:03:57.000 You can't drive all cars.

00:03:59.000 It's crazy.

00:04:00.000 Yeah.

00:04:00.000 I don't think most people know how to, you know, anyone under 30 can drive a stick.

00:04:05.000 I don't think so.

00:04:06.000 No.

00:04:06.000 I think it's going gone.

00:04:08.000 Yeah.

00:04:08.000 Porsche doesn't make them anymore.

00:04:10.000 American muscle cars are one of the last holdouts, like Corvette and Camaro.

00:04:15.000 I haven't driven a stick in a long time.

00:04:17.000 Mustangs?

00:04:18.000 No.

00:04:19.000 You want to try?

00:04:19.000 Sure.

00:04:20.000 Actually, the last time I did, I was in Costa Rica, and I rented a car.

00:04:25.000 And I'm like, I just assume all cars now, when you rent them, are automatics.

00:04:29.000 You get to know the country, it's whatever.

00:04:32.000 And so, I'm pulling out of the lot, and it's like, oh shit, it's been a minute.

00:04:39.000 It's pretty embarrassing.

00:04:41.000 I got this.

00:04:43.000 Yeah.

00:04:43.000 When you're in Italy, they all drive stick shifts, even like minivans.

00:04:47.000 Yeah.

00:04:47.000 It's weird.

00:04:48.000 Everything's a stick shift over there.

00:04:49.000 I'm not sure why.

00:04:50.000 I don't know.

00:04:51.000 What's the advantages and disadvantages?

00:04:53.000 I mean, what do you prefer?

00:04:54.000 Well, where I was in Italy, it was in Ravello, which is very small little roads.

00:05:00.000 It's very tiny, and it's like crazy congestion because of tourism.

00:05:04.000 Yeah.

00:05:05.000 And the guy was always on the clutch, back and forth, back and forth.

00:05:08.000 I was like, you know...

00:05:09.000 This has got to be annoying as fuck.

00:05:11.000 You want an automatic.

00:05:11.000 It's like LA. If you're commuting to LA bumper to bumper every day, you're going to want an automatic.

00:05:19.000 Exactly.

00:05:19.000 That's what happened.

00:05:20.000 Right.

00:05:20.000 I think you're right.

00:05:21.000 Yeah.

00:05:22.000 Yeah, it's just more comfortable.

00:05:23.000 Let the car do the work.

00:05:25.000 But if you're on a mountain road, like the Angels Crest Highway, and you want to shift.

00:05:31.000 There's something cool about being in command of the vehicle and you telling it when it's, you know.

00:05:37.000 It's manly.

00:05:37.000 Yeah, it is.

00:05:38.000 You've got a dick in your hand.

00:05:40.000 Yeah.

00:05:40.000 And if it's a woman, you've got to go, ooh, don't get too close to this one.

00:05:45.000 Yeah.

00:05:45.000 She's driving stick shifts like, oh, she's a rebel.

00:05:48.000 She might be a problem.

00:05:49.000 Right?

00:05:50.000 She might be a problem.

00:05:50.000 Might be great in bed though.

00:05:51.000 Maybe.

00:05:52.000 Yeah, for a little while.

00:05:53.000 And then just all sorts of problems.

00:05:55.000 She gets mad at you for an email from 12 years ago.

00:05:59.000 I didn't even know you then.

00:06:00.000 Yeah.

00:06:00.000 What the fuck?

00:06:01.000 Yeah.

00:06:02.000 I can't go back and time.

00:06:03.000 How'd you find this?

00:06:04.000 Right?

00:06:05.000 Where's that phone come from?

00:06:06.000 That's my flip phone.

00:06:08.000 Where was that thing?

00:06:09.000 That's my Suzuki sidekick.

00:06:11.000 We were looking at that thing from CES that Jamie pulled up.

00:06:13.000 What is that goofy thing called?

00:06:16.000 These are good, right?

00:06:17.000 I don't feel like I'm drinking a non-alcoholic beer.

00:06:20.000 It tastes like a regular beer.

00:06:22.000 Planet Computer's Cosmo Communicator.

00:06:25.000 Look at the fucking outside of that thing.

00:06:28.000 That is wasted development.

00:06:30.000 That looks like someone was doing coke and they decided...

00:06:33.000 Does that have a spaceship?

00:06:34.000 It does.

00:06:35.000 Oh my god.

00:06:35.000 It looks like it either has a planet or a spaceship on the front of it.

00:06:40.000 It looks like one of those metal wallets that you get to keep your credit card secure.

00:06:44.000 Yeah, but that shit's preposterous.

00:06:46.000 Well, for sure.

00:06:47.000 But you're not using your fingers.

00:06:48.000 You could.

00:06:49.000 But would you?

00:06:50.000 Who makes that?

00:06:51.000 My fat fucking hands are not going to fit on that thing.

00:06:53.000 Yeah.

00:06:54.000 You're not going to be able to do that.

00:06:56.000 I mean, at this point, we're so used to doing this.

00:06:59.000 Why go back and go back to that now?

00:07:01.000 Do you ever go sideways on your iPhone?

00:07:04.000 Yeah, just to take a picture.

00:07:06.000 Not typing.

00:07:07.000 No way.

00:07:08.000 I thought that was the move.

00:07:09.000 I'm like, oh, once we go sideways, that's going to be the shit.

00:07:12.000 Have you tried it on an iPad?

00:07:13.000 I have not.

00:07:14.000 It's not bad.

00:07:16.000 Sideways on the iPad?

00:07:17.000 Yeah, like when you have to type on the full screen with the full keyboard.

00:07:20.000 Yeah, with both hands.

00:07:20.000 It's not bad.

00:07:21.000 It's not perfect, but it's fucking way better than just your thumbs on an iPhone.

00:07:24.000 Yeah, that makes sense.

00:07:25.000 Especially if you can type.

00:07:26.000 I used to think I would never get used to that, just that, you know, the screen without feeling it.

00:07:32.000 Look at that little front screen.

00:07:34.000 Like you got a bunch of shit that comes in on it.

00:07:36.000 Look at that.

00:07:36.000 Oh.

00:07:36.000 Like apps and stuff, I guess.

00:07:39.000 Boy, no one's buying that, son.

00:07:41.000 How much is that thing?

00:07:42.000 You never know.

00:07:43.000 Well, here's the thing.

00:07:44.000 There are so many options now.

00:07:46.000 If you don't like Apple and you're committed to an Android phone, there's so many options.

00:07:51.000 Why would you buy that thing?

00:07:53.000 I don't even know.

00:07:54.000 What company is that?

00:07:55.000 Exactly.

00:07:56.000 That's also part of the problem, right?

00:07:57.000 Yeah, that would be gone.

00:07:58.000 Where do you bring that thing to get it fixed?

00:08:01.000 If the screen cracks and you bring it to the mall, what is it?

00:08:03.000 The Cosmo communicator, bro.

00:08:06.000 We're going to have to go to the future and fix this thing.

00:08:08.000 Yeah, we can't do this in 10 minutes.

00:08:10.000 This thing's a mess.

00:08:11.000 I mean, I got a cracked screen now, and it's not even that bad, but I've seen people walk around with a damn spider web on their phone.

00:08:20.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous.

00:08:20.000 I'm like, when are you going to go get it fixed?

00:08:23.000 What's the point?

00:08:24.000 Where glass is falling off?

00:08:25.000 This is an indication of you needing to get your shit together.

00:08:28.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:08:29.000 Yeah, if your phone looks like a haunted house.

00:08:34.000 That's a good one.

00:08:34.000 Yeah, let's go into like, you know, see if this girl's going to be crazy.

00:08:38.000 Right.

00:08:38.000 How cracked is her screen?

00:08:39.000 That's a good point.

00:08:40.000 Give me your phone.

00:08:41.000 Like, a girl who can deal with a little crack, that's probably a sign of character.

00:08:44.000 Yeah, that's okay.

00:08:45.000 She's cool.

00:08:46.000 Just a little crack in the window, in a corner.

00:08:48.000 No big deal.

00:08:48.000 That's fine.

00:08:49.000 She doesn't give a fuck.

00:08:50.000 She's easygoing.

00:08:51.000 Yeah.

00:08:51.000 She doesn't even need to wear makeup, bro.

00:08:53.000 But if she has to do like this and get the light just right, because it's like a damn, it's a full-on spider web.

00:08:59.000 I have to scroll up to make a T. Because that part of the glass won't work anymore.

00:09:04.000 What about the other way they're going with the flex phone?

00:09:07.000 Oh, now, here we go.

00:09:07.000 This isn't the one that broke, but this is another one that came out at CES, too.

00:09:12.000 Samsung recalled the ones that are supposed to come out last week.

00:09:14.000 They recalled all of them, huh?

00:09:15.000 Yeah, the unreleased date now.

00:09:16.000 Who knows when they're going to come out.

00:09:17.000 They're breaking like crazy, apparently.

00:09:19.000 Flex phone.

00:09:20.000 But then, is it flexible?

00:09:21.000 It bends?

00:09:22.000 Yeah.

00:09:23.000 But how does that one work?

00:09:24.000 All I'm seeing is like, it opened up.

00:09:26.000 It's not showing a video of that.

00:09:27.000 Yeah, but the Samsung one had like a little teeny, I don't know.

00:09:31.000 Like a line in the center of it?

00:09:33.000 It looks like a little flat aquarium that we put sea monkeys in.

00:09:37.000 It does.

00:09:38.000 Yeah.

00:09:38.000 Right?

00:09:38.000 It looks like one of them ones that's like a pillar in a shitty hotel.

00:09:44.000 Right.

00:09:44.000 Like in Miami or something.

00:09:46.000 You stare at my phone for hours.

00:09:47.000 Yeah, someone needs to clean the tank.

00:09:49.000 They have a...

00:09:50.000 Huawei has a Flex phone.

00:09:52.000 It looks way better than the Samsung one.

00:09:55.000 It looks thinner, and it looks like they just nailed the design better.

00:09:59.000 And on the side of it...

00:10:00.000 Oh, this is it.

00:10:01.000 I don't know why I asked.

00:10:01.000 Yeah, it's a different company.

00:10:02.000 I don't know.

00:10:03.000 Is it a different company?

00:10:04.000 No, no, no.

00:10:04.000 I'm sorry.

00:10:05.000 Royale Flex Pie beats Samsung and Huawei to market.

00:10:08.000 Probably sells out.

00:10:09.000 That's what this one was.

00:10:10.000 Does it fold in half?

00:10:12.000 Yeah, they're making these things where you can flex them and bend them like a thousand times.

00:10:18.000 Oh my god.

00:10:20.000 Oh, how weird.

00:10:21.000 Yeah.

00:10:21.000 That's weird.

00:10:22.000 Look how fat that thing is.

00:10:24.000 It's like carrying a VHS tape in your pocket.

00:10:27.000 Right?

00:10:28.000 I mean, I'm trying to imagine the advantages and disadvantages of watching porn on that thing.

00:10:32.000 Oh, there's advantages.

00:10:33.000 Yeah, because it's like, well, I see your ass, and then you've got to turn your phone upside down to see the rest of them.

00:10:38.000 That's pretty wild, though, how it works.

00:10:41.000 That is neat.

00:10:42.000 Yeah.

00:10:43.000 I'm kind of hoping it works so that the version 3 or 4 in a couple years is way better than these broken ones.

00:10:48.000 Yeah.

00:10:49.000 Well, for sure, you're going to see people at concerts holding up what looks like 12-inch iPads because it's going to be these goddamn things in the future.

00:10:57.000 I've seen that before now.

00:10:58.000 Yeah!

00:10:59.000 Oh, yeah, people bring iPads to Disneyland.

00:11:01.000 Why would you do that?

00:11:02.000 Because they're assholes.

00:11:02.000 Yeah.

00:11:04.000 They're everywhere.

00:11:04.000 I mean, you're right.

00:11:06.000 I hate it.

00:11:07.000 Especially a comedy show.

00:11:09.000 It's like, the phone's bad enough.

00:11:11.000 iPad?

00:11:12.000 I have a Tesla, and the Tesla has this huge screen.

00:11:17.000 It's enormous.

00:11:18.000 And you get so used to it.

00:11:20.000 So I go from that to another car with a little tiny navigation screen.

00:11:23.000 I'm like, what is this bullshit?

00:11:25.000 We're good to go.

00:11:45.000 He's probably got a billion dollars.

00:11:46.000 He's got a fucking Prius.

00:11:48.000 He pulls into my driveway, and I see the Thomas guy in his backseat.

00:11:52.000 He's like, yeah, that navigation shit, what if that goes down?

00:11:55.000 You can't figure your way around town.

00:11:58.000 You're lost up on the hills, no connection.

00:11:59.000 Thomas guy works every time.

00:12:01.000 I knew how to do it, man.

00:12:02.000 Back in the day, oh, E10. I know how to do that.

00:12:05.000 You go E, and you go to 10. That's where I need to go.

00:12:08.000 Okay, what do I need to do?

00:12:09.000 I would write it down.

00:12:11.000 Yeah, that was always dangerous.

00:12:13.000 Fuck up and all of a sudden you're in a super Mexican community.

00:12:17.000 Chickens are running across the street.

00:12:18.000 Sun Valley sounds great.

00:12:20.000 Yeah.

00:12:21.000 Is Sun Valley a sketch?

00:12:22.000 I've never been to Sun Valley.

00:12:24.000 I think it is.

00:12:24.000 Yeah.

00:12:26.000 There's lots of spots.

00:12:27.000 I've been there once.

00:12:28.000 I think I got lost.

00:12:29.000 I was like, this is not...

00:12:31.000 So when you got rid of your Hemi, did you say, hey, this is from the Hemi guy?

00:12:35.000 Like, this should be worth some money.

00:12:36.000 Yeah!

00:12:37.000 Well, I thought it could auction it off.

00:12:41.000 Yeah, on eBay.

00:12:42.000 Like, I took pictures with it and everything.

00:12:44.000 It didn't work?

00:12:45.000 No.

00:12:46.000 I think it was when gas was at its highest price.

00:12:49.000 And people are like, no, I think we're moving on to other things.

00:12:52.000 It's pretty fucking high now.

00:12:53.000 It's closing in on five bucks a gallon, again.

00:12:56.000 But I had it for, well, about two years.

00:13:00.000 Why'd you get rid of it?

00:13:01.000 Well, I was married at the time, and that thing was hard.

00:13:05.000 When I would leave and she'd have that car, it was just hard to...

00:13:08.000 Back into the garage.

00:13:11.000 We have a small two-car garage, and it was hard to get that thing in there.

00:13:16.000 So she convinced me that we didn't need it.

00:13:19.000 So we leased a Lexus RX350 for a while.

00:13:24.000 Those are dope.

00:13:25.000 I like them.

00:13:26.000 I like them.

00:13:26.000 When you drive a truck, too.

00:13:27.000 I like the backup camera in those things.

00:13:29.000 That's very nice.

00:13:29.000 Yeah.

00:13:30.000 But you drive a truck, and then you get into a little car like that.

00:13:32.000 You're like, oh, I'm agile.

00:13:34.000 I'm like a dancer.

00:13:36.000 Yeah.

00:13:36.000 Right.

00:13:37.000 Yeah.

00:13:39.000 What was your first car?

00:13:41.000 My first car was a 1973 Chevelle.

00:13:44.000 Chevelle SS. It was a shitbox.

00:13:47.000 I drove it from the guy's house to my house and then it died.

00:13:50.000 It never worked again.

00:13:52.000 I think I drove it to my girlfriend's house and then I drove it back to my house and then it died.

00:13:57.000 Yeah.

00:13:58.000 And then I called the guy up and I'm like, hey man, your fucking car died.

00:14:01.000 And he came and gave me the money back and took his car.

00:14:04.000 He said, what happened to my car?

00:14:06.000 I'm like, it died.

00:14:06.000 It just doesn't work.

00:14:08.000 Wow.

00:14:08.000 So you had it like a day.

00:14:10.000 I had it for a day.

00:14:11.000 And then my...

00:14:13.000 That's horrible.

00:14:14.000 Yeah, then I had a 1968 442 that I wrapped around our telephone pole.

00:14:19.000 Oh, shit.

00:14:20.000 Yeah, whoops.

00:14:21.000 Hydroplaned.

00:14:22.000 Yeah.

00:14:22.000 Yeah, if you didn't know how to drive back then and you had like kind of balding tires and you hit some water, cars would just go sideways.

00:14:29.000 And you're like, what is this?

00:14:30.000 It's like you're floating in the air.

00:14:31.000 Yeah, it's a crazy feeling.

00:14:33.000 And you can't do anything about it.

00:14:34.000 Nothing about it!

00:14:35.000 They always tell you to turn into it.

00:14:36.000 Good luck.

00:14:37.000 Nothing's happening.

00:14:38.000 I was just going sideways.

00:14:39.000 I was like, I can't believe this shit.

00:14:40.000 I just got this car.

00:14:41.000 I had that one for a few months, and then bang, fucked that one up.

00:14:44.000 Just hydroplating.

00:14:46.000 Just hydroplating?

00:14:47.000 No, I was with a couple of guys from school.

00:14:49.000 You might get hurt?

00:14:49.000 No, we're alright.

00:14:51.000 But it fucked the car up.

00:14:52.000 I was in a Fiera.

00:14:53.000 Remember Fieros?

00:14:54.000 Oh yeah, my sister had one of those.

00:14:55.000 It's like a little fake Ferrari thing.

00:14:58.000 Yeah.

00:14:59.000 Remember they used to do...

00:14:59.000 They're so small.

00:15:00.000 They used to do Ferrari kits for those?

00:15:02.000 Yes!

00:15:02.000 Where they'd turn into a fake Testarossa?

00:15:04.000 Yeah.

00:15:05.000 Yeah.

00:15:06.000 Put a car bra on there.

00:15:07.000 Yeah, those were interesting.

00:15:09.000 My friend Joe had one of those, too.

00:15:11.000 Those were cool little cars.

00:15:13.000 Back in the day, it was like either...

00:15:16.000 In my hometown, it was like...

00:15:18.000 There it is.

00:15:18.000 That was a fake one.

00:15:20.000 Look at that.

00:15:20.000 Look at that ridiculous car.

00:15:22.000 That's great.

00:15:22.000 That is adorable.

00:15:24.000 Those cars are so gross when people do that.

00:15:26.000 Yeah.

00:15:27.000 And it's obvious.

00:15:28.000 Well, it's like, what do you...

00:15:29.000 No one wants that once you get...

00:15:30.000 Is that one?

00:15:31.000 That can't...

00:15:32.000 No, that's...

00:15:33.000 Is that a Fiero?

00:15:34.000 That's what it says.

00:15:34.000 Wow.

00:15:35.000 Great job!

00:15:36.000 That's crazy.

00:15:37.000 That one actually looks good.

00:15:38.000 Yeah.

00:15:38.000 You could trick some really dumb girls with that.

00:15:41.000 Like if you go to Miami.

00:15:42.000 Right.

00:15:44.000 Let me see your cell phone.

00:15:46.000 The really, really dumb ones.

00:15:47.000 Yeah.

00:15:48.000 Like if you were only looking for really dumb gals.

00:15:51.000 Yeah.

00:15:51.000 That's your car.

00:15:52.000 Dumb gold diggers.

00:15:53.000 What is that?

00:15:54.000 Are those louvers?

00:15:55.000 What is that?

00:15:56.000 What is that in the back?

00:15:57.000 Yeah, it looks like louvers.

00:15:58.000 Glass louvers?

00:15:59.000 Yeah, it's probably a plastic rear window.

00:16:01.000 Oh my god.

00:16:01.000 They make some cars with plastic windows just to save weight.

00:16:05.000 Like, hey, relax.

00:16:07.000 Relax with that.

00:16:08.000 Yeah.

00:16:10.000 My buddy and I, he had one of those.

00:16:13.000 We hydroplaned, spun it around a couple times, totaled it, hit another car that was parked at a body shop.

00:16:21.000 And they had just finished it.

00:16:23.000 No!

00:16:23.000 I swear to God.

00:16:25.000 He's like...

00:16:26.000 Cool!

00:16:27.000 I guess I'm doing two cars.

00:16:29.000 So he just left his car there.

00:16:31.000 Totally by slamming into a car that was just finished in a body show.

00:16:36.000 Yeah.

00:16:37.000 Serendipitous.

00:16:39.000 Uber is that guy's friend.

00:16:40.000 You should get on the Uber.

00:16:42.000 Yeah.

00:16:42.000 I love Uber.

00:16:43.000 I wonder how much that's preventing drunk driving.

00:16:45.000 I just had this conversation.

00:16:47.000 Yeah?

00:16:48.000 I think what, you know, Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

00:16:51.000 Mad.

00:16:52.000 Maybe even the government should kick in.

00:16:55.000 These guys are saving lives.

00:16:58.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:16:59.000 Because if you're not doing that, then you're drinking and driving most likely.

00:17:03.000 Most likely.

00:17:04.000 It gives you a real easy option.

00:17:07.000 Yeah.

00:17:07.000 And it's so quick.

00:17:08.000 It's so convenient.

00:17:09.000 You don't have to pull cash out.

00:17:11.000 It's great.

00:17:12.000 It's kind of a weird organization, both of them.

00:17:15.000 It's like they're trying to figure out if they're employees or if they're contractors.

00:17:19.000 And then there's like...

00:17:21.000 This fact that you're just getting into someone's car.

00:17:23.000 You don't know them.

00:17:24.000 Yeah.

00:17:25.000 I mean, you assume if you get a limo that there's a background check.

00:17:28.000 Right.

00:17:29.000 If you get a cab, you're living on the edge.

00:17:31.000 Right?

00:17:31.000 That's what I was going to say.

00:17:32.000 You never know.

00:17:33.000 Taxi driver.

00:17:34.000 Robert De Niro.

00:17:35.000 You looking at me?

00:17:35.000 Yeah.

00:17:36.000 You're talking about a fucking psychopath.

00:17:38.000 Right.

00:17:39.000 That's what you, like...

00:17:41.000 But you would get, like, New York City cab drivers, you'd get characters.

00:17:44.000 You'd get either, like, angry white dudes or, like, guys who come from other countries that could tell you cool stories.

00:17:51.000 You'd get, like, characters.

00:17:53.000 Weird smells and shit.

00:17:54.000 Yeah, crazy smells, lots of weird music.

00:17:57.000 Possibly a voodoo doll.

00:17:58.000 But now, you know what you get when you get in a New York City cab driver?

00:18:01.000 You get advertisements.

00:18:02.000 You get screens.

00:18:04.000 Like they have little laptops facing you.

00:18:06.000 And they play these...

00:18:07.000 There's a credit card machine back there.

00:18:09.000 And they play these videos about things.

00:18:12.000 About restaurants and this and that.

00:18:14.000 Shows.

00:18:15.000 That's probably its own network at this point.

00:18:17.000 Yeah.

00:18:18.000 Like just the cab network.

00:18:19.000 It is kind of, right?

00:18:21.000 It must be.

00:18:21.000 Yeah.

00:18:22.000 Yeah.

00:18:22.000 His company probably has their own little loop that they play.

00:18:24.000 Jimmy Fallon, I mean, I've seen him on there many times.

00:18:27.000 Yeah.

00:18:27.000 Doing stuff.

00:18:28.000 Remember when they used to do that HBO show, Taxi Cab Confessions?

00:18:32.000 Yeah.

00:18:32.000 That was crazy.

00:18:33.000 I enjoyed that.

00:18:34.000 I was like, who the fuck is signing this release?

00:18:36.000 What are you giving these people?

00:18:38.000 Yeah.

00:18:39.000 It's like, I just want to be on TV. And they would say the worst stuff.

00:18:43.000 Like, if you're fucked up on coke, and you get into a cab, and you start just talking shit about all the crazy sexual stuff that you like, and then afterwards, they're like, hey, you're going to be on HBO? You're like, fuck yeah, I am.

00:18:55.000 And then you wake up in the morning.

00:18:57.000 No!

00:18:57.000 I do!

00:18:59.000 That's true.

00:19:00.000 You don't know who to call.

00:19:00.000 You give them this waiver at the right time.

00:19:04.000 Yeah.

00:19:04.000 That's gold.

00:19:05.000 That's a good move.

00:19:06.000 How does that work?

00:19:08.000 Well, you don't tell them before they get there.

00:19:09.000 If you're hammered?

00:19:11.000 There's got to be some loophole.

00:19:13.000 I always wondered about the Catch a Predator show.

00:19:17.000 Yeah.

00:19:18.000 Why the fuck would they sign?

00:19:19.000 They have to sign a release.

00:19:21.000 Do they?

00:19:22.000 Yes!

00:19:23.000 Or cops!

00:19:24.000 They have to sign a release.

00:19:25.000 Yeah.

00:19:25.000 Yeah, you have to sign a release.

00:19:27.000 Yeah.

00:19:28.000 And then there's like, is it entrapment even, you know?

00:19:31.000 There was that whole thing, too.

00:19:32.000 Well, that show's definitely entrapment.

00:19:34.000 Yeah.

00:19:35.000 But it's entrapment I support.

00:19:37.000 Yeah, totally.

00:19:37.000 I support entrapment if it's like, hey, do you want to fuck a six-year-old?

00:19:41.000 100%.

00:19:41.000 And they're like, yeah, I do.

00:19:42.000 Okay, get in the cage, you fucking piece of shit.

00:19:45.000 That's right.

00:19:45.000 Yeah, there's a certain entrapment that I'm all for.

00:19:48.000 Someone could talk you into fucking anybody under 18. Right.

00:19:52.000 Or 17. How do they get away with that?

00:19:55.000 How do they get away with it?

00:19:55.000 Showing their face.

00:19:57.000 Maybe because they were proven guilty that you waived your rights just by being guilty.

00:20:02.000 You have no rights when you're a felon, right?

00:20:05.000 When you're a felon, you have no rights.

00:20:06.000 Is that right?

00:20:08.000 Well, you have rights.

00:20:10.000 Bernie Sanders wants you to be able to vote even if you're a terrorist.

00:20:12.000 Have you seen that?

00:20:13.000 He's like, anybody in jail for anything, he's like, you should still be able to vote.

00:20:17.000 I'm like, ooh, okay.

00:20:19.000 I don't know.

00:20:19.000 There's a lot of people in jail.

00:20:20.000 That's true.

00:20:23.000 What if they count as residents of the state?

00:20:25.000 Like, what if you have, like, a maximum security prison somewhere, right?

00:20:28.000 And these prisoners have everything to, like, they have all day, right?

00:20:32.000 They don't have anything to do.

00:20:34.000 And they register to vote while they're in there.

00:20:36.000 If you have a few hundred thousand prisoners, you literally can shift an election one way or the other.

00:20:42.000 That's true.

00:20:42.000 All you'd have to do is get into that prison and go, hey guys, here's the deal.

00:20:47.000 I'm shortening your fucking sentences, okay?

00:20:50.000 I'm forgetting you better lawyers.

00:20:51.000 People would start campaigning in prisons.

00:20:53.000 That's true.

00:20:54.000 That's legitimate.

00:20:55.000 Yeah.

00:20:55.000 Like, these laws are bullshit, man.

00:20:56.000 And you can bribe them real easy with the little ketchup?

00:20:59.000 Cigarettes.

00:21:00.000 Cigarettes.

00:21:01.000 Bring in cigarettes.

00:21:02.000 Yeah, you just truck in cartons of cigarettes.

00:21:05.000 How'd you win this election?

00:21:06.000 Marlboro Reds.

00:21:07.000 What's that guy's name?

00:21:08.000 Buttigieg?

00:21:09.000 What's his name?

00:21:10.000 Oh, yeah.

00:21:10.000 How do you say his name?

00:21:11.000 You got it.

00:21:12.000 Tulsi Gabbard's my girl.

00:21:13.000 I'm voting for her.

00:21:14.000 I decided.

00:21:15.000 I like her.

00:21:15.000 I met her in person.

00:21:16.000 Who is it?

00:21:17.000 I don't know.

00:21:17.000 I give up.

00:21:18.000 I give up.

00:21:19.000 I'm not even paying attention to anything else.

00:21:20.000 Tulsi Gabbard.

00:21:23.000 But if you could go into a prison, what's a giant prison population?

00:21:30.000 What's the biggest prison?

00:21:32.000 I don't know.

00:21:33.000 What do you think the biggest one is?

00:21:34.000 The biggest one?

00:21:35.000 I don't know.

00:21:36.000 Would it be in New York?

00:21:37.000 California?

00:21:39.000 Isn't there a giant one in Colorado that Joey always talks about?

00:21:42.000 That's the one where they take the serial killers, they stuff them on the ground.

00:21:46.000 Isn't there...

00:21:48.000 Well, I mean, what's the biggest one?

00:21:49.000 Let's take a guess.

00:21:50.000 50,000?

00:21:51.000 Before he looks it up.

00:21:52.000 Okay.

00:21:52.000 Do you say 50,000 prisoners?

00:21:54.000 Yeah, I don't know much about that.

00:21:55.000 That's probably a lot of people.

00:21:57.000 Think about an arena.

00:21:58.000 50,000 spread out.

00:21:58.000 A football arena.

00:22:00.000 Right.

00:22:00.000 Yeah.

00:22:01.000 Oh, that's true.

00:22:01.000 Okay.

00:22:02.000 Well, no.

00:22:02.000 Okay.

00:22:03.000 50 to 60,000.

00:22:04.000 The biggest one.

00:22:05.000 The biggest, yeah.

00:22:07.000 What's the smallest?

00:22:09.000 It's probably some rinky-dinky ones, but I bet...

00:22:12.000 Have you been in jail?

00:22:13.000 No.

00:22:15.000 I'm going to say a little lighter.

00:22:16.000 I'm going to say $30,000.

00:22:17.000 I'm going to say $30,000 is the biggest.

00:22:20.000 Will you put money on this?

00:22:21.000 I'll put a dollar on this.

00:22:22.000 I don't give a fuck, bro.

00:22:24.000 I'll bet you Heineken double zero.

00:22:26.000 Shit.

00:22:27.000 Well, we got too rich for my blood.

00:22:30.000 What do we got?

00:22:31.000 Jimmy's confused.

00:22:33.000 Well, I have to be very specific about what I look up to find this answer.

00:22:37.000 So, do you want largest maximum security?

00:22:39.000 Sure.

00:22:40.000 Yeah.

00:22:40.000 Killers, not people who smoke weed.

00:22:43.000 Known as Alcatraz of the South, the Louisiana State Penitentiary has an inmate population of 5,000.

00:22:50.000 That's it?

00:22:51.000 Wow!

00:22:52.000 Damn, we're way off.

00:22:53.000 That's maximum security.

00:22:54.000 Oh, that's like super criminals.

00:22:56.000 Yeah, so if you go a little bit less, then it might be a little bit higher.

00:22:59.000 Okay.

00:23:00.000 Let's go with thieves.

00:23:02.000 Let's go with medium security.

00:23:04.000 Maximum is like violent crimes, right?

00:23:06.000 What's just the biggest prison?

00:23:07.000 Yeah.

00:23:08.000 The biggest prison.

00:23:09.000 I looked at the largest prison.

00:23:11.000 That's the thing that popped up.

00:23:12.000 Damn.

00:23:13.000 Maybe we're way off.

00:23:15.000 5,000 is a lot of people.

00:23:16.000 Sometimes it looks bigger.

00:23:17.000 ADX in Florence, the supermax prison.

00:23:20.000 There's one supermax prison.

00:23:21.000 That's the one I think you're talking about.

00:23:23.000 Okay.

00:23:23.000 That's even higher.

00:23:24.000 That would probably have way less people.

00:23:26.000 Trying to see if it says...

00:23:27.000 Oh, that's even higher criminal level?

00:23:29.000 Yeah.

00:23:29.000 That was like where they put the ice man.

00:23:30.000 23 hours a day.

00:23:31.000 Dun, dun, dun.

00:23:33.000 Single cell confinement.

00:23:36.000 Um...

00:23:37.000 5,000 is a lot of people.

00:23:39.000 Confinement is so weird.

00:23:41.000 Because we're killing you, but we're just killing you with nature.

00:23:43.000 We're going to kill you with old age and shitty nutrition.

00:23:46.000 We're just going to keep you in a box.

00:23:48.000 Kill with your own brain.

00:23:49.000 Isn't that weird?

00:23:50.000 Yeah.

00:23:50.000 It's like it might be more cruel to put someone into a small cage for 23 hours a day than it is to just kill them.

00:23:57.000 I think so.

00:23:58.000 Yeah.

00:23:58.000 If you just kill, it's over with.

00:24:00.000 Yeah, you're suffering.

00:24:02.000 It's suffering.

00:24:02.000 Yeah, 100%.

00:24:04.000 Yeah.

00:24:04.000 100%.

00:24:05.000 Like...

00:24:06.000 That was my take on Chelsea Manning, who's now free.

00:24:10.000 Yeah?

00:24:11.000 Like, they tortured her.

00:24:12.000 They tortured her.

00:24:13.000 They did?

00:24:14.000 Yeah, she was naked, in a cage, by herself, for years.

00:24:18.000 Oh.

00:24:19.000 I think it was like, the whole, she was in solitary.

00:24:23.000 We'll have to find this out once Jamie's done with this search.

00:24:25.000 I'm like looking around, there's the one in California's male only, where Manson is.

00:24:29.000 It's got 3,500.

00:24:30.000 There's one in Illinois, medium security.

00:24:32.000 It's got 1,000.

00:24:33.000 Wow.

00:24:33.000 Okay, so...

00:24:34.000 Man, we were way off.

00:24:35.000 We're way off.

00:24:36.000 Way off.

00:24:36.000 By a factor of...

00:24:37.000 We were so pessimistic.

00:24:38.000 I thought I was going low, and I was off by a factor of ten.

00:24:41.000 I don't know if this is counting them, too.

00:24:42.000 There's private ones, and I don't know if I can get the numbers on private.

00:24:45.000 Those dirty bastards stuff them in on top of each other.

00:24:47.000 Although, it makes sense.

00:24:48.000 If there were 30,000 inmates in one place, I mean, it would be hard to contain that and control that.

00:24:55.000 Yeah, what's the largest private prison?

00:24:59.000 See if that's...

00:25:01.000 Yes, but the Chelsea Manning thing, she was in solitary confinement when she was still a dude.

00:25:07.000 Does that count?

00:25:09.000 Is that two different sentences?

00:25:11.000 How do you say that?

00:25:12.000 Do you say Bradley or do you say Chelsea when she hadn't changed yet?

00:25:16.000 I think we have to ask.

00:25:18.000 Do you still say Bruce Jenner won the Olympics or do you say Caitlyn?

00:25:20.000 Well, Bruce won the Olympics.

00:25:21.000 No, no, no, Caitlyn.

00:25:23.000 What does it say?

00:25:24.000 He's Caitlyn now.

00:25:25.000 He's Caitlyn now.

00:25:26.000 You know if you deadname him, you'll get kicked off of Twitter?

00:25:28.000 Deadname him?

00:25:29.000 Do you know what that deadname he is?

00:25:30.000 No, I never heard of deadname him.

00:25:31.000 Oh, you didn't know?

00:25:31.000 No.

00:25:32.000 So say if you become Johanna Reap.

00:25:34.000 Yes.

00:25:35.000 If you decided at this stage of the game, you know what, fuck Hemis.

00:25:38.000 I'm transitioning.

00:25:39.000 Yeah, I'm wearing skirts.

00:25:41.000 It's time for Prius.

00:25:41.000 Yeah, it's time to get my legs waxed.

00:25:43.000 What do we got?

00:25:44.000 Reeves County Detention Complex in Pesos, Texas has a combined capacity of 3,763 prisoners in its three subcomplexes.

00:25:53.000 Wow.

00:25:54.000 So that's probably about as big as it gets.

00:25:56.000 Yeah.

00:25:57.000 If you've dug that far and you still can't get anything over 5,000.

00:26:01.000 Yeah.

00:26:01.000 So it's in the 30s.

00:26:02.000 The 3,300.

00:26:03.000 Interesting.

00:26:04.000 3,500.

00:26:04.000 What about the world?

00:26:06.000 So if you change your name to Johanna Reap.

00:26:08.000 Johanna Reap.

00:26:09.000 And I started saying, hey, John Reap, what's it like wearing dresses?

00:26:13.000 Pretend you're a girl.

00:26:14.000 Right.

00:26:14.000 That's deadnaming you.

00:26:16.000 I deadnamed you because I called you John.

00:26:18.000 Right.

00:26:18.000 When your new name is Johanna.

00:26:20.000 Right.

00:26:21.000 But Bruce is the one who won the Olympics.

00:26:24.000 Yeah, but that's his dead name.

00:26:25.000 Well, that's what he was when he won.

00:26:26.000 Don't be an asshole, John.

00:26:27.000 God, you're so insensitive.

00:26:29.000 I can't believe this.

00:26:30.000 I hate facts.

00:26:30.000 In this day and age, I'm going to make you subscribe to the Alyssa Milano podcast.

00:26:34.000 You're going to get your shit together.

00:26:36.000 Oh, shit.

00:26:36.000 You need to get up with the times, bro.

00:26:39.000 I'm going to follow her.

00:26:39.000 I'm so way behind.

00:26:40.000 I'm just kidding about Alyssa Milano.

00:26:42.000 I don't know what she's doing.

00:26:43.000 I don't either.

00:26:43.000 It was a good name, though.

00:26:44.000 The throw around.

00:26:46.000 Alyssa Milano.

00:26:47.000 Alyssa Milano.

00:26:49.000 She's active on the Twittersphere?

00:26:51.000 I believe so, yeah.

00:26:52.000 She's very political.

00:26:53.000 She's always arguing with people, I think.

00:26:56.000 She's one of them people.

00:26:56.000 You know, they booted John Woods.

00:26:58.000 You know John Woods, the actor?

00:27:00.000 They booted him off the Twitter again.

00:27:02.000 He did something naughty.

00:27:04.000 I don't think he did anything that big a deal.

00:27:07.000 First of all, who's John?

00:27:09.000 Refresh my memory.

00:27:10.000 James Woods.

00:27:10.000 I'm sorry.

00:27:10.000 Oh, James Woods.

00:27:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:12.000 John Woods.

00:27:13.000 People are probably mad if we probably know this.

00:27:15.000 What?

00:27:15.000 New York City's Rikers Island has a population of 11,000, but I don't know if that means they're all prisoners or not.

00:27:22.000 What?

00:27:23.000 Vacationers?

00:27:25.000 There's probably workers that live on the...

00:27:26.000 People want cheap rent.

00:27:27.000 It might be half.

00:27:28.000 Yeah, do they really?

00:27:31.000 It says they can accommodate up to 15,000 prisoners.

00:27:34.000 15,000 prisoners.

00:27:36.000 That's about as big as it gets.

00:27:38.000 Now we're in the neighborhood.

00:27:39.000 There's one in Turkey that's got 10,900.

00:27:42.000 Wow.

00:27:42.000 Okay, so that's about as big as it gets.

00:27:44.000 15,000.

00:27:44.000 That's a lot, though, if you go to a theater.

00:27:46.000 Like, if you did an arena, like 15,000 people is like Madison Square Garden.

00:27:50.000 That's a lot of fucking criminals.

00:27:53.000 Yeah.

00:27:54.000 You gotta take care of them.

00:27:56.000 You gotta baton.

00:27:58.000 So the Chelsea Manning thing, now she's free, but then she got locked up again for contempt of court.

00:28:04.000 But I think when she was locked up in solitary confinement, they took away her clothes.

00:28:08.000 They wouldn't let her have clothes because they thought she was suicidal.

00:28:12.000 Really?

00:28:12.000 Mm-hmm.

00:28:13.000 I think that's just an excuse to use.

00:28:15.000 Okay, so when Chelsea was a male...

00:28:18.000 Yes.

00:28:20.000 Don't say Bradley.

00:28:21.000 I'm kind of not dead, babe.

00:28:23.000 Don't do it.

00:28:24.000 When Chelsea won the Olympics...

00:28:26.000 Yeah.

00:28:29.000 She didn't win the Olympics.

00:28:30.000 I'm trying to do that.

00:28:33.000 Was he in a male prison?

00:28:36.000 That's a good question.

00:28:37.000 And then, as a female, does he go to a female prison?

00:28:40.000 That's a good question.

00:28:41.000 Okay.

00:28:42.000 I don't know.

00:28:42.000 Maybe that's why they put her in solitary.

00:28:45.000 Oh, right, right.

00:28:46.000 Protect her from dudes.

00:28:48.000 I mean, that's kind of a loophole that, let's say, if I know I'm going to prison and I got, like, a year before I get sentenced, I might just go ahead and get that sex change.

00:28:58.000 Right.

00:28:58.000 So I'm with females.

00:28:59.000 Right.

00:29:00.000 I don't know.

00:29:01.000 Maybe I have a better chance of surviving.

00:29:02.000 You don't have to get the sex change anymore.

00:29:03.000 You just have to identify.

00:29:05.000 Oh, okay.

00:29:06.000 There you go.

00:29:06.000 I'm good.

00:29:07.000 Do you see that male who identifies as a female just broke all these world records in weightlifting?

00:29:12.000 It's a new one.

00:29:12.000 It just came out.

00:29:14.000 Wonderful.

00:29:16.000 Congratulations, everybody.

00:29:17.000 You broke everything.

00:29:19.000 You fucking...

00:29:20.000 You went so progressive and so preposterous that we broke everything.

00:29:25.000 You have men that are winning women's world records in fucking weightlifting, which is like the dumbest shit for men and women to compete against.

00:29:33.000 If there's ever one thing, even the tennis argument, it's like, well, you know, Billie Jean King beat Bobby Riggs.

00:29:40.000 Yeah, but Bobby Riggs was 55, she was 29, and they say that he threw the match because he bet against himself.

00:29:48.000 Oh right, he was a big gambler.

00:29:50.000 That was what I heard, but I would say that too if I lost.

00:29:53.000 I would say I threw the match.

00:29:57.000 Basketball?

00:29:57.000 Tennis?

00:29:58.000 Is this the woman that won?

00:29:59.000 Is this Chelsea?

00:30:01.000 This is the woman who's winning world records.

00:30:03.000 This is not Bruce Jenner.

00:30:05.000 Let's get a look.

00:30:06.000 Oh my gosh, here we go.

00:30:07.000 Seems like a gal.

00:30:09.000 Huh.

00:30:09.000 That seems like a very strong man.

00:30:15.000 Yeah.

00:30:16.000 That's so ridiculous.

00:30:16.000 How much weight is that?

00:30:17.000 It doesn't look like a lot of weight.

00:30:19.000 This is about reps here.

00:30:21.000 Yeah.

00:30:22.000 300?

00:30:23.000 315?

00:30:24.000 Yeah.

00:30:25.000 Okay.

00:30:26.000 That's a ridiculous amount of weight for a woman to lift.

00:30:30.000 If you're going to be a real woman, a biological woman, excuse me, and lift that kind of weight, you have to be a real outlier.

00:30:36.000 Yeah.

00:30:37.000 It's very rare.

00:30:38.000 Yeah.

00:30:38.000 But this is so ridiculous.

00:30:40.000 Wow.

00:30:42.000 What is this guy's quote?

00:30:44.000 One guy in the comments say, congratulations on your excellent performance.

00:30:47.000 Screw anybody who tries to knock achievements.

00:30:49.000 The hard work speaks for itself.

00:30:51.000 Hey, whoever you are, fuck you!

00:30:54.000 Fuck you and your nonsense.

00:30:56.000 You're the reason why this shit is happening in the first place, because people tolerate this.

00:31:00.000 That is nuts.

00:31:01.000 If you had a daughter that trained her whole life to be a weightlifter, and she's really into it, and this fucking guy decides he identifies as a woman, and then comes I don't know how it's legal.

00:31:21.000 How is it legal?

00:31:23.000 It has nothing to do with being open-minded or tolerant.

00:31:26.000 It has something to do with logic.

00:31:27.000 Just basic reason.

00:31:29.000 This is craziness.

00:31:30.000 You're enabling people to do something that's preposterous.

00:31:33.000 This has nothing to do with being open-minded or kind to people.

00:31:36.000 I'm 100% for people being trans.

00:31:39.000 I'm 100% for people doing whatever they want to do.

00:31:41.000 Just don't hurt anybody, and I'm cool with that.

00:31:43.000 Same here.

00:31:44.000 But this is just, you're in make-believe town.

00:31:46.000 Why not pretend you're a fox and go live in the forest?

00:31:48.000 Like, you're in make-believe.

00:31:50.000 This is make-believe.

00:31:51.000 You can't just decide you're a woman and compete with women.

00:31:55.000 Right.

00:31:56.000 No!

00:31:56.000 That's make-believe.

00:31:57.000 Oh, there's no advantage.

00:31:59.000 Make-believe.

00:32:00.000 That's make-believe.

00:32:00.000 Of course there's an advantage!

00:32:02.000 You fucking know there's an advantage.

00:32:04.000 Yes.

00:32:04.000 Everyone knows.

00:32:05.000 This is crazy.

00:32:07.000 I want to see that in the NFL. You know, you got like...

00:32:11.000 What is that?

00:32:11.000 Before and after?

00:32:12.000 Is it two different looks?

00:32:14.000 That's the same person?

00:32:15.000 We don't need to see this person.

00:32:16.000 Wait a second.

00:32:16.000 I don't want to shame this person.

00:32:17.000 Look, someone's letting her do this.

00:32:19.000 Right.

00:32:20.000 You know?

00:32:20.000 That's the problem.

00:32:21.000 That's the problem.

00:32:22.000 There should be a transgender league.

00:32:24.000 Right.

00:32:24.000 Or there should be, you know, some rules where you have to compete with the chromosome of your birth.

00:32:29.000 You don't have to fucking compete.

00:32:31.000 Most people don't compete in organized sports.

00:32:34.000 Most people don't.

00:32:35.000 And if you're trans, maybe that should be something you can't do.

00:32:38.000 And particularly for girls who transition to boys, you know that school in Texas that won't let this girl who's transitioning to a boy, they won't let her compete with boys.

00:32:46.000 So they make her compete with girls, and she's on fucking testosterone.

00:32:51.000 Right.

00:32:51.000 So she's taking testosterone, or he's taking testosterone, whatever you want to say.

00:32:55.000 I get so confused.

00:32:57.000 Yeah.

00:32:58.000 To become a boy.

00:32:59.000 Zur is taking testosterone to become a boy, and then now is forced to wrestle with women, with young girls, in fact.

00:33:07.000 All jacked.

00:33:08.000 Right.

00:33:08.000 Jacked like a boy.

00:33:09.000 It's like a boy wrestling girls.

00:33:11.000 It's crazy.

00:33:12.000 Probably Papa Boner doing that.

00:33:14.000 I don't think she has one yet.

00:33:15.000 Oh.

00:33:15.000 You can get a little thumb.

00:33:17.000 You grow a thumb.

00:33:18.000 Yeah.

00:33:18.000 That's what happens.

00:33:19.000 Oh, yeah.

00:33:20.000 The clitoris gets a little bit bigger.

00:33:22.000 Gets bigger.

00:33:22.000 Yeah.

00:33:22.000 And do the ovaries sort of, like, start getting suspended in a...

00:33:25.000 I don't know what happens.

00:33:27.000 Do they drop?

00:33:27.000 What do they do?

00:33:28.000 I wonder.

00:33:28.000 I wonder if they remove those parts, you know, because they do hysterectomies on women when they have diseases.

00:33:33.000 I wonder if they do that when a man transitions from a woman.

00:33:37.000 Yeah.

00:33:38.000 It's crazy.

00:33:38.000 When a man transitions from a woman.

00:33:41.000 Yeah, when you used to be a woman and now you're going to a dude.

00:33:43.000 Yeah.

00:33:44.000 What do they do?

00:33:45.000 I just can't wait to the day where they can do it genetically.

00:33:48.000 Where a woman really becomes a woman.

00:33:50.000 Like a man becomes a woman or a woman becomes a man.

00:33:53.000 But guess what?

00:33:54.000 Even if they do, here's the issue.

00:33:57.000 If you knew that a woman took steroids for 30 years...

00:34:01.000 And develop insane tendon strength and muscle strength and then stop doing steroids.

00:34:06.000 It is a scientific fact that you are going to keep a very big percentage of those gains.

00:34:13.000 What are the gains?

00:34:13.000 What is the percentage?

00:34:14.000 30% or 40%?

00:34:15.000 Whatever the fuck it is.

00:34:16.000 Whatever percentage that you would keep after you get off the steroids, that is significant.

00:34:22.000 And even if you're not currently on these performance enhancing drugs, your body has been...

00:34:29.000 Artificially boosted to the superior level through these drugs.

00:34:33.000 Yeah.

00:34:33.000 And you lose a lot of the feminine, you know, you lose the breasts.

00:34:36.000 Yes.

00:34:37.000 And those might not come back.

00:34:39.000 Well, I mean, I think if you take estrogen, they'll probably come back.

00:34:41.000 Oh, right.

00:34:42.000 I don't know.

00:34:42.000 I'm not a fucking doctor.

00:35:02.000 I'm a moron.

00:35:04.000 Because everyone's supposed to be looking out for women.

00:35:06.000 If you're looking out for women, but you're also blindly progressive to the point where you're letting shit like this fly, well, now you're not looking out for women.

00:35:13.000 Right.

00:35:13.000 Because now women are in this weird position where you're putting them at an unfair disadvantage.

00:35:19.000 Right.

00:35:19.000 It's fucking crazy, man.

00:35:20.000 I agree.

00:35:21.000 God damn it.

00:35:22.000 It makes me want to drink real Heineken.

00:35:25.000 I'm getting all loopy on this double zero.

00:35:28.000 No, they just sent this stuff to me.

00:35:29.000 It's good.

00:35:30.000 Yeah.

00:35:32.000 I used to love Heineken Light.

00:35:34.000 I talk about that subject a little bit too much.

00:35:36.000 But it's a symptom of a sick society.

00:35:39.000 It's a symptom of a lack of rational thinking.

00:35:43.000 It's a symptom of people just bending over backwards so hard to be progressive and open-minded.

00:35:51.000 That you're giving in to these extremists, these crazy people that are looking at this thing completely delusionally.

00:35:57.000 When will it snap back?

00:35:58.000 It's coming.

00:35:59.000 Trump!

00:36:00.000 That's why Trump's president.

00:36:01.000 That's what that is.

00:36:01.000 He's gonna win again.

00:36:03.000 He's gonna win again.

00:36:04.000 Who can beat him?

00:36:05.000 They're not gonna beat him.

00:36:06.000 There's no one who can right now.

00:36:07.000 He's gonna win again.

00:36:08.000 He's gonna win again because of shit like this.

00:36:10.000 The more shit like this happens...

00:36:12.000 So then what's after Trump?

00:36:13.000 I mean, there's another four years.

00:36:16.000 His son, Donald Jr. Donald Jr. was with a friend of a friend of mine.

00:36:21.000 His name's Crispy, and he's a disabled veteran.

00:36:26.000 He's very able, I should say, but he's a wounded veteran.

00:36:30.000 He had his leg amputated.

00:36:32.000 Burns over most of his body.

00:36:34.000 Super positive attitude.

00:36:36.000 Great guy.

00:36:37.000 Anyways, he doesn't get political online.

00:36:39.000 He took a picture with Donald Trump Jr. Right.

00:36:41.000 And Instagram took it down for violating their terms of service.

00:36:45.000 It's just a photo.

00:36:46.000 A picture of just the president's son?

00:36:49.000 Yeah.

00:36:49.000 A photo with him and Trump Jr. just standing there.

00:36:51.000 And they took the picture down.

00:36:52.000 Like, what?

00:36:54.000 That's not...

00:36:54.000 What are you doing?

00:36:55.000 Yeah.

00:36:56.000 Maybe that's a glitch.

00:36:58.000 When they do that, do they give you a reason?

00:37:00.000 Or do they just do what they want?

00:37:01.000 Well, he posted it on his...

00:37:04.000 He sent me a direct message about it, too.

00:37:06.000 I actually reached out to him, because I follow him, and he follows me, and I was like, is this shit real?

00:37:13.000 And he's like, yup.

00:37:14.000 And he's super positive about it.

00:37:16.000 I mean, this is a guy who served our country, too, and he's a great guy.

00:37:19.000 Like, his...

00:37:23.000 His Instagram handle is Crispy11B.

00:37:26.000 Okay.

00:37:27.000 Yeah, and he just put it up there, and they said that they got him for terms of service, and they took it down, and he put it back up again.

00:37:35.000 Good.

00:37:35.000 Good for him.

00:37:36.000 So this is the photo right here.

00:37:37.000 Let me see.

00:37:37.000 When asked, Instagram says that they didn't do it, so I don't know.

00:37:40.000 So they didn't do it, but who took it down then?

00:37:42.000 However, an Instagram spokesperson told Fox News the post was reviewed but was not deleted by the company after it found the post did not violate their standards.

00:37:49.000 But that's not true, because it's missing.

00:37:51.000 Spokesperson said that there are a number of reasons a post may no longer be available, including the account hoarder deletes either the account or the post.

00:37:58.000 He's saying he didn't do that, so it could have been something else.

00:38:02.000 I mean, you can't prove it.

00:38:03.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:38:04.000 Well, I know that this dude is not an attention whore, and he wouldn't do that and lie about it.

00:38:10.000 That's ridiculous.

00:38:11.000 I mean, Twitter, Instagram could be lying.

00:38:14.000 It could be a glitch, too.

00:38:16.000 Sometimes it's a fortuitous glitch that looks like a massive conspiracy.

00:38:21.000 But he said they sent him notice.

00:38:23.000 It said it violated the terms of service.

00:38:25.000 So if he said that...

00:38:26.000 Okay.

00:38:27.000 That's what was sent back to him.

00:38:29.000 Pretty sure.

00:38:29.000 That's the screenshot you want.

00:38:30.000 Let me make sure that's what he said.

00:38:31.000 It says...

00:38:33.000 You violated something.

00:38:34.000 Yeah.

00:38:35.000 That's what you want.

00:38:36.000 I mean, it's just so weird what's going on now.

00:38:40.000 Everything just seems so fucking preposterous.

00:38:43.000 Yeah, just like on Facebook, Twitter, all that stuff.

00:38:46.000 If it's something negative, I just, you know, that's gone.

00:38:50.000 I don't let people just start bashing me on that stuff.

00:38:53.000 Okay, here it is.

00:38:54.000 Once I landed, I opened up Instagram and got a message that your post was taken down for violating Instagram guidelines.

00:39:03.000 So, did he post that?

00:39:05.000 Yes, he did.

00:39:06.000 Oh, there you go.

00:39:06.000 Wait a minute.

00:39:07.000 Let me see if he did.

00:39:09.000 Yeah.

00:39:10.000 Oh, he posted a thing saying it.

00:39:12.000 Okay, here's what he posted.

00:39:13.000 Yeah.

00:39:13.000 It said, wounded veteran violated community standards by posting with Donald Trump Jr. He didn't post the actual notification, but he probably didn't even save it.

00:39:21.000 Right.

00:39:21.000 Why would you?

00:39:22.000 Yeah.

00:39:23.000 I believe him.

00:39:25.000 I believe him.

00:39:26.000 You're right.

00:39:26.000 It is a sad...

00:39:28.000 I think you also have overzealous employees.

00:39:30.000 I think there's that, too.

00:39:31.000 Oh, yeah.

00:39:32.000 I think there's probably...

00:39:32.000 A huge company.

00:39:33.000 Yeah.

00:39:34.000 I mean, anybody could go rogue at any minute and just do what they want.

00:39:39.000 You think they're reading dick pics?

00:39:41.000 I would say someone could have just been fucking with them on the other way.

00:39:43.000 The other way around.

00:39:43.000 Someone could have just flagged it by a bunch of bots that just made it disappear to get a reaction like this.

00:39:49.000 It could be as simple as that.

00:39:50.000 Can you do that?

00:39:51.000 Sure.

00:39:52.000 So if you just had a bot that did that?

00:39:54.000 I could do it right now.

00:39:55.000 But wouldn't Instagram review it manually before they delete it?

00:39:58.000 No.

00:39:59.000 So it could just be taken down.

00:40:01.000 It happens on other accounts where it doesn't get reviewed that way and it just got taken down because it got flagged so many times.

00:40:06.000 I don't know.

00:40:06.000 Well, that's one thing that we did learn from talking to Jack Dorsey, the CEO of Twitter.

00:40:11.000 It's impossible to manage.

00:40:13.000 There's too many posts.

00:40:15.000 They're going up right now by the thousands.

00:40:17.000 If you could see everyone in America posting on Twitter right now, it'd be like...

00:40:24.000 It would just be fucking flying.

00:40:26.000 I mean, imagine if you could see it all happening all at once.

00:40:31.000 A supernova explosion of ones and zeros just busting all over the place.

00:40:36.000 And text.

00:40:36.000 Just text.

00:40:38.000 Who do you think, like, if you were to grab somebody's phone, the most popular person that gets tweeted the most and just looked at it, just looked at it, how fast would that go?

00:40:48.000 You know what I mean?

00:40:48.000 Like, just that one account.

00:40:51.000 Oh, it would be insane.

00:40:52.000 I mean, yours probably goes quick.

00:40:53.000 I don't have my notifications on.

00:40:54.000 Do you follow a lot of other people or do you just put stuff out?

00:40:56.000 Yeah, I follow a lot of other people.

00:40:59.000 I just follow whenever I think someone's interesting.

00:41:02.000 Someone's got cool pictures, I follow that guy.

00:41:03.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:41:04.000 I follow thousands.

00:41:05.000 I'll hit like first.

00:41:07.000 Yeah, that's good too.

00:41:08.000 And then go like, let me see.

00:41:08.000 Let me go back.

00:41:09.000 Okay, yeah.

00:41:09.000 Double check.

00:41:10.000 Double check.

00:41:11.000 So what else is this person's done?

00:41:11.000 Make sure they're not wacky.

00:41:13.000 What's really funny is people get mad at you for certain people you follow.

00:41:16.000 Yeah.

00:41:16.000 Like people are like, you gotta stop following R. Kelly.

00:41:19.000 Now...

00:41:20.000 Don't tell me what to do.

00:41:22.000 That's first of all.

00:41:23.000 First of all, don't tell me what to do.

00:41:24.000 Don't ever do that.

00:41:24.000 Second of all, what am I doing?

00:41:25.000 Am I boosting up his profile?

00:41:28.000 Yeah.

00:41:28.000 He's fucking R. Kelly.

00:41:29.000 I want to know.

00:41:30.000 It doesn't matter if I follow him or if I don't.

00:41:32.000 I want to know how crazy he is.

00:41:33.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:41:35.000 Dude, did you see Tyron Woodley?

00:41:38.000 UFC top welterweight former champion had a thing on his Instagram page of him watching...

00:41:44.000 R. Kelly getting interviewed, where he was denying that he knows how to hogtie people.

00:41:53.000 And Tyron's laughing at him.

00:41:55.000 Play this, play this so we can hear it.

00:41:56.000 Oh, in this interview?

00:41:57.000 Yeah, this is great.

00:41:58.000 This shit ain't funny, but dog.

00:42:03.000 I don't know how to hogtie people.

00:42:08.000 I don't know how to hogtie people.

00:42:22.000 That's great.

00:42:24.000 He's not using consonants in that.

00:42:26.000 I follow R. Kelly for the same reason that I love Real Talk.

00:42:33.000 If you ever watch that video, Real Talk, we've played it on the podcast multiple times.

00:42:38.000 Real Talk is one of the greatest unintentional comedies that's ever been created.

00:42:42.000 Real Talk?

00:42:43.000 Yeah.

00:42:44.000 Oh my god.

00:42:44.000 What is it?

00:42:45.000 It's an R. Kelly song where he's in an argument with his girlfriend on the phone.

00:42:48.000 And while he's in an argument with his girlfriend on the phone, he's like getting his hair done and shit.

00:42:53.000 He's smoking stoke.

00:42:54.000 He's drinking.

00:42:54.000 He's got like different outfits on.

00:42:56.000 And he's still in the conversation.

00:42:57.000 And there's one part where he goes, Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes.

00:43:05.000 Real Talk.

00:43:06.000 Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes.

00:43:10.000 Real talk.

00:43:13.000 Are you serious about that?

00:43:14.000 Listen, I absolutely feel for any person that he's victimized.

00:43:18.000 Oh, 100%.

00:43:19.000 I absolutely do.

00:43:20.000 But you cannot deny that that shit is funny.

00:43:22.000 That's hilarious.

00:43:23.000 That shit is funny.

00:43:23.000 I'm sorry.

00:43:24.000 There is.

00:43:25.000 There is.

00:43:26.000 Hold on, I just played that.

00:43:27.000 What you want?

00:43:30.000 With your trifling ass!

00:43:35.000 With your trifling ass!

00:43:41.000 Trifling is the best African-American saying of all time.

00:43:45.000 Trifling.

00:43:46.000 And it's one that white people cannot use.

00:43:49.000 I pronounce it too good.

00:43:50.000 They own that word.

00:43:52.000 They own that word as much as they own the N-word.

00:43:54.000 Stop trifling.

00:43:55.000 You can't be trifling.

00:43:56.000 You can't pronounce the G in trifling.

00:43:59.000 Yeah, that's why white people are not allowed to use it.

00:44:02.000 They would ruin it.

00:44:02.000 Exactly.

00:44:03.000 He's out there trifling.

00:44:04.000 He's out there trifling again.

00:44:05.000 He's bullshit.

00:44:06.000 He's just a bullshit trifling ass.

00:44:09.000 Yeah, he's trifling ass.

00:44:10.000 Well, here's the thing.

00:44:10.000 I bet gay guys use trifling.

00:44:12.000 I bet gay guys will pull it out.

00:44:14.000 Oh, him over there with his trifling ass.

00:44:17.000 You know?

00:44:17.000 Sounds like a rifle that you travel with.

00:44:19.000 It's a trifling.

00:44:20.000 Yeah, like a trifling.

00:44:22.000 A travel rifle.

00:44:23.000 They're thinking of banning those.

00:44:24.000 They're good for long range.

00:44:26.000 Don't bring that trifle with it.

00:44:27.000 How many people do you think had to look it up before Webster had to, like, answer this question?

00:44:31.000 What is a trifling heifer?

00:44:33.000 I mean, Definition of trifling.

00:44:37.000 Lacking in significance or solid worth, such as A, frivolous, trifling.

00:44:43.000 B, trivial, a trifling gift.

00:44:46.000 C, chiefly dialectical.

00:44:49.000 Oh my god.

00:44:50.000 Lazy, shiftless, and a trifling fellow.

00:44:53.000 A trifling fellow?

00:44:54.000 A trifling fellow!

00:44:54.000 That is a trifling fellow, is he?

00:44:56.000 That's...

00:44:57.000 The most English thing you've ever said.

00:44:59.000 It got very wide at the end.

00:45:00.000 Trifling fellow.

00:45:01.000 He's a trifling fellow.

00:45:03.000 Don't bring your ass over here with a trifling fellow.

00:45:06.000 Yeah, that's a word, bro.

00:45:07.000 That's a legit word.

00:45:09.000 Trifling.

00:45:10.000 Shit, I was going to say something else, but I totally forgot.

00:45:12.000 What did we talk about right before trifling?

00:45:14.000 You were talking about R. Kelly.

00:45:15.000 I like that album.

00:45:17.000 He did an album where it was a lot of just talking.

00:45:21.000 Oh, Trapped in the Closet?

00:45:22.000 Yeah.

00:45:23.000 Yeah, there was a whole series of videos.

00:45:25.000 I think Aziz had a whole thing on that.

00:45:28.000 I think he did, like, Aziz Ansari did a bit on it.

00:45:30.000 I believe so.

00:45:31.000 I know he had a bit about R. Kelly.

00:45:33.000 It might have been about Trapped in the Closet.

00:45:35.000 Yeah.

00:45:35.000 Trapped in the Closet is great, but it can't fuck with Real Talk.

00:45:38.000 Real Talk's the jam.

00:45:41.000 Have you seen Weird Al Yankovic's Trapped in a drive-thru.

00:45:45.000 No.

00:45:46.000 It's really good.

00:45:47.000 No.

00:45:48.000 It's the same length as R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet.

00:45:52.000 And it's the same.

00:45:54.000 And it's all about being trapped in a McDonald's drive-thru because the person in front of him is taking too long.

00:45:59.000 And it's like...

00:46:01.000 The fact that he did the whole song is what got me.

00:46:04.000 Respect.

00:46:04.000 Yeah.

00:46:04.000 Yes!

00:46:05.000 Respect.

00:46:05.000 Commitment.

00:46:06.000 It's animated, too.

00:46:07.000 It's a whole cartoon.

00:46:08.000 It's animated.

00:46:08.000 Oh, my God.

00:46:10.000 That's hilarious.

00:46:11.000 Which one is this?

00:46:12.000 This is.

00:46:15.000 Weird Al has been around for a long time, man.

00:46:19.000 I mean, I remember when Michael Jackson's Beat It came out, and he had Eat It.

00:46:23.000 Eat It?

00:46:24.000 Yeah.

00:46:24.000 I mean, that was in the 90s.

00:46:25.000 Instead of I'm bad, it was I'm fat.

00:46:27.000 Yeah.

00:46:28.000 What year was that?

00:46:29.000 That might have been the 80s.

00:46:31.000 It's got to be late 80s, early 90s.

00:46:32.000 Yeah, it is.

00:46:33.000 How old is here?

00:46:36.000 Weird Al's got to be 85 years old.

00:46:38.000 I think so.

00:46:40.000 No, he's 59. What?

00:46:41.000 59?

00:46:42.000 Was he 12 back then?

00:46:44.000 His first song aired in 1976. What?

00:46:49.000 He was that big on Dr. Demento.

00:46:51.000 That's insane.

00:46:53.000 Uh-huh.

00:46:54.000 So he was really young.

00:46:55.000 Dr. Demento.

00:46:56.000 Dr. Demento.

00:46:57.000 God, I remember that.

00:46:58.000 I remember listening when I was a kid, but they played all these weird, goofball, nerdy songs.

00:47:03.000 Yeah.

00:47:04.000 And he was the king of it.

00:47:05.000 He has a huge following now.

00:47:07.000 He'll sell out places.

00:47:09.000 Weird Al?

00:47:09.000 Yeah.

00:47:09.000 That makes sense.

00:47:10.000 Yeah.

00:47:11.000 He's got so much work.

00:47:12.000 He's got so, I mean, it's a giant body of work.

00:47:15.000 Yeah.

00:47:16.000 I like his hair, too.

00:47:17.000 He's got that...

00:47:17.000 Apparently he's a super nice guy, too.

00:47:18.000 Yeah.

00:47:19.000 And smart, I've heard.

00:47:20.000 Yeah.

00:47:21.000 Yeah.

00:47:21.000 But everyone's smart.

00:47:22.000 What else can we say about him?

00:47:23.000 He's nice.

00:47:24.000 Yeah!

00:47:25.000 He's a good dancer, too.

00:47:27.000 And he accepts his gender.

00:47:29.000 You know what I also like?

00:47:30.000 He's not trifling.

00:47:31.000 That's what I like.

00:47:31.000 He's definitely not trifling.

00:47:33.000 Yeah, that's a word.

00:47:34.000 It's like...

00:47:35.000 There's certain words.

00:47:36.000 Like that one, you just seem so ridiculous if you try to use it.

00:47:39.000 Oh, this is what I was going to say.

00:47:41.000 Yeah.

00:47:41.000 We were talking about...

00:47:44.000 We weren't even talking about this, but...

00:47:46.000 My daughter is watching these YouTube videos of this...

00:47:52.000 There's this young gay fellow that does makeup tutorials.

00:47:56.000 James Charles.

00:47:57.000 Oh, okay.

00:47:58.000 He's enormous.

00:48:00.000 Like, he's enormous.

00:48:02.000 You know, he probably gets more views than any network show that's ever been created.

00:48:08.000 How old was this fellow?

00:48:09.000 He's young.

00:48:10.000 Looks like he's like 20. What do you say, Jamie?

00:48:13.000 I'm trying to know if I should bring this up.

00:48:15.000 The last thing that popped in my head during Coachella, he got accused of being in this viral video that happened.

00:48:20.000 It wasn't him, but the Ferris wheel at Coachella, have you ever seen that?

00:48:23.000 Do you know what I'm talking about?

00:48:24.000 No.

00:48:24.000 It's a big famous thing that people take pictures in front of.

00:48:27.000 During a concert, you could see a silhouette of somebody getting head in there, and it's two guys.

00:48:32.000 Oh, really?

00:48:33.000 It's a very vivid video that went super viral on Twitter that night.

00:48:37.000 And they were saying it was him?

00:48:38.000 Yeah.

00:48:38.000 How dare they?

00:48:40.000 He's all about makeup, not head.

00:48:42.000 Sons of bitches.

00:48:43.000 Keep it clean.

00:48:44.000 Keep it clean.

00:48:47.000 But it's hilarious.

00:48:49.000 My daughter sits in front of the TV cackling watching it.

00:48:53.000 Really?

00:48:54.000 Is it supposed to be funny?

00:48:57.000 She thinks it's funny.

00:48:58.000 Yeah.

00:48:58.000 She thinks he's hilarious.

00:48:59.000 Is this dude going for laughter?

00:49:00.000 I don't know.

00:49:01.000 Yeah.

00:49:01.000 I mean, he's covered in crazy makeup.

00:49:04.000 I think what she was laughing at, though, in all fairness, was he was making fun of someone, subscribers, 16 million people.

00:49:13.000 Oh, my God.

00:49:14.000 I think he was making fun of people that put on too much makeup.

00:49:18.000 Okay.

00:49:18.000 So he was going crazy with the makeup, but she thought it was really funny.

00:49:21.000 That is fucking bananas.

00:49:22.000 16 million people, and he's doing makeup tutorials.

00:49:26.000 He looks great!

00:49:27.000 He looks great.

00:49:28.000 That's the thing.

00:49:28.000 It's like, there's an audience from all kinds of shit like this that you would have never expected.

00:49:36.000 Yeah.

00:49:36.000 And because of the access, Because on-demand access, especially through a computer, it's so easy.

00:49:43.000 It's so easy to just type in the next thing.

00:49:45.000 John Reed, Penny, bang.

00:49:45.000 It just pops up.

00:49:48.000 So these people that...

00:49:49.000 No network in their right mind.

00:49:52.000 NBC would never say, hey, that young guy, let's get that guy to do a makeup show.

00:49:56.000 They'd be like, get the fuck out of the office.

00:49:58.000 You don't know shit about ratings.

00:50:00.000 Meanwhile, 8 billion subscribers.

00:50:03.000 That's crazy.

00:50:04.000 That'd be a fun game to play.

00:50:05.000 It's like, what rabbit hole would YouTube send you down if you typed in this and just let it keep going on its own?

00:50:13.000 Those algorithms, the real problem is people think that a lot of those algorithms are essentially designed to get you angry.

00:50:22.000 Oh, yeah.

00:50:23.000 Get you pissed off so you watch the next thing.

00:50:25.000 Yeah.

00:50:26.000 What are they teaching our children?

00:50:27.000 What are they teaching our children?

00:50:29.000 Next!

00:50:30.000 Yeah, this is the problem with illegal immigration.

00:50:31.000 I knew there's a fucking problem!

00:50:33.000 And then, you know, next thing you know, you're just more and more angry.

00:50:37.000 Yeah.

00:50:37.000 That's like the argument with Facebook, too, is that...

00:50:40.000 They're trying to figure out what gets people to engage.

00:50:43.000 And so the algorithm realizes what you engage with, and then that's what they show you more of.

00:50:49.000 And what gets people to engage is shit that makes them mad.

00:50:53.000 Yeah, totally.

00:50:54.000 It keeps me wanting to...

00:50:56.000 I watch fight videos on Facebook all day.

00:50:59.000 Do you really?

00:51:00.000 Well, just like brawls in a schoolyard.

00:51:03.000 It just keeps going.

00:51:05.000 I'm like, oh man, what's going to happen here?

00:51:07.000 Those get me anxiety.

00:51:09.000 Do they?

00:51:09.000 Yeah.

00:51:12.000 Well, you know, I don't do much of the fighting, so when I see it, it's like, oh, this is interesting.

00:51:17.000 Who's going to win this one?

00:51:18.000 I like it when the underdog wins.

00:51:20.000 Yeah, I enjoy watching it.

00:51:21.000 I mean, I will watch them.

00:51:23.000 Not if it's stuck, it's obviously someone's about to die like that.

00:51:27.000 A good couple punches to the face.

00:51:30.000 Well, the best ones are when someone deserves it.

00:51:32.000 Yes.

00:51:33.000 Those are the ones you enjoy.

00:51:34.000 When someone's being a real dick, and someone's like, listen, man, you're being a dick.

00:51:37.000 Yeah.

00:51:38.000 I just saw one.

00:51:39.000 There's a guy on a...

00:51:41.000 It was a, I want to say like an old Middle Eastern couple that are on a subway.

00:51:46.000 And this dude's like smacking his wife in the face like that.

00:51:49.000 And this other guy, he's across from him and he's recording it.

00:51:53.000 And he's like, no, not in front of me.

00:51:55.000 And he walked over there and said, he told him like eight times to stop.

00:51:58.000 And then just punching the shit out of him.

00:52:01.000 So it's nice to see it, you know.

00:52:02.000 That is nice to see.

00:52:04.000 Yeah, there's one of a guy in the...

00:52:07.000 Okay, it's like a bus, and some guy's running his mouth to this old white guy who's obviously like an ex-Vietnam vet, and he's telling him, like, just leave it alone, man.

00:52:17.000 Leave it alone.

00:52:18.000 And he comes down there, and then he walks up to the front, and he just beats the shit out of him.

00:52:23.000 And you just see blood coming out of his face, and it's like, you know, he started this.

00:52:27.000 He engaged that whole thing.

00:52:28.000 The guy was walking away, and then he went back up there.

00:52:32.000 Those are the best ones.

00:52:33.000 Yeah.

00:52:34.000 When someone deserves it.

00:52:36.000 Yeah.

00:52:37.000 How many, like, that's the thing about, like, a guy smacking his wife in public.

00:52:42.000 Yeah.

00:52:43.000 Like, how often does he smack her that he's so confident that he'll just smack her in front of everybody?

00:52:48.000 Right.

00:52:49.000 Like, it must be, he must think it's acceptable and everyone else is cool with it.

00:52:54.000 Or he must think that he could just get away with things.

00:52:57.000 Yeah.

00:52:58.000 Sometimes people just think they can get away with things.

00:53:00.000 Yeah, there was not many people on that bus in this video.

00:53:04.000 I think he felt like that guy wasn't even paying attention to him.

00:53:07.000 Or that most people are just going to be too scared to say anything.

00:53:09.000 Uh-huh.

00:53:10.000 Yeah.

00:53:11.000 That's what...

00:53:12.000 I mean, this is where it gets real scary.

00:53:15.000 Because that is the best argument for the end of all privacy.

00:53:18.000 Is that no one would ever be able to do anything like that because the whole world would be watching.

00:53:22.000 Yeah.

00:53:23.000 Keep somebody honest.

00:53:25.000 It depends on what kind of action you could take.

00:53:29.000 Yeah.

00:53:30.000 If you could literally see everything that's happening at any time everywhere in the world.

00:53:34.000 Ugh.

00:53:35.000 Ugh.

00:53:37.000 Yeah.

00:53:38.000 Well, now that everyone's got cams, so it's like...

00:53:40.000 It's close.

00:53:41.000 It's close.

00:53:42.000 You're right.

00:53:43.000 Then they're going to have those fucking foldable things.

00:53:45.000 You're keeping cops honest?

00:53:45.000 You're keeping the people honest now a little bit?

00:53:49.000 Until too much alcohol is involved?

00:53:51.000 No, there's something to it.

00:53:52.000 Because if you think about...

00:53:54.000 Kennedy did a speech on secrecy.

00:53:57.000 It was like in 1961 or 62 about how abhorrent secrecy is.

00:54:02.000 How dangerous it is for a free society.

00:54:05.000 And they were basically talking about secret societies and secret, you know, pacts in the government.

00:54:10.000 He was basically, I think a lot of it was him talking about some of the shady shit that he experienced in intelligence agencies.

00:54:16.000 Oh.

00:54:17.000 But when you have, like, kings or when you have people that are in power, like, how do they wield that power?

00:54:24.000 One of the ways they wield that power, it's all secrecy.

00:54:26.000 If they want to execute people, they want to kill people or torture people.

00:54:29.000 It's all secret.

00:54:30.000 Right.

00:54:31.000 The world is not privy to it.

00:54:32.000 Like, what happened to him?

00:54:33.000 They took him to a bunker somewhere.

00:54:35.000 And they're beating the shit out of him and torturing him.

00:54:37.000 Like North Korea.

00:54:39.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:54:39.000 They're just isolated from the rest of the world.

00:54:41.000 And who knows what the hell he's doing over there.

00:54:44.000 We just know the stuff that he allows us to know.

00:54:47.000 Yeah.

00:54:48.000 Well, that's the perfect example of power and secrecy, right?

00:54:53.000 Yeah.

00:54:53.000 Like, they just take you and make you disappear.

00:54:55.000 He's executed a bunch of people.

00:54:57.000 Oh, yeah, but we don't even know.

00:54:58.000 I'm sure.

00:54:59.000 They're never close to the tip of the iceberg on that.

00:55:01.000 I'm sure that still goes on here, too.

00:55:03.000 Oh, yeah.

00:55:03.000 I'm sure.

00:55:05.000 I'm sure people are killing people for someone right now.

00:55:08.000 Mm-hmm.

00:55:09.000 You know, and some of them deserve it.

00:55:10.000 Yeah.

00:55:11.000 Give them an extra one for me.

00:55:14.000 It's also weird what we'll accept people dying from.

00:55:20.000 I was listening to this podcast Where this wolf lady, she's a wolf biologist, she was talking to my friend Steve Rinella on the Meat Eater podcast, and she was talking about how we accept people getting killed by mountain lions.

00:55:34.000 It happens.

00:55:36.000 It happened twice last year.

00:55:38.000 It happens.

00:55:39.000 It's not really common, but it happens.

00:55:41.000 But the moment that people start getting killed by wolves in America, people are going to get furious.

00:55:46.000 Really?

00:55:47.000 Yeah, because they reintroduced wolves in 1994. That's right.

00:55:51.000 Oh, so that's...

00:55:53.000 They're outraged that we did that, too.

00:55:55.000 Yeah.

00:55:56.000 Well, she was...

00:55:57.000 Basically, there was two really interesting things about the podcast.

00:56:00.000 A lot of really interesting things, but two that really stood out was one that...

00:56:05.000 These people, they reintroduced these animals in 1994, but there were already some wolves here.

00:56:10.000 And the wolves would have probably eventually made it down there.

00:56:14.000 It was in Yellowstone, right?

00:56:15.000 Yeah.

00:56:16.000 But that we aren't...

00:56:18.000 Because of the fact that they brought them in, and it wasn't just a natural fixture, we have this thing like, oh, somebody ruined this.

00:56:26.000 Somebody fucked this up.

00:56:27.000 Yeah.

00:56:28.000 The other thing is that they number them instead of name them.

00:56:32.000 Because if you name them, it's like, oh, there's Dolores.

00:56:34.000 Oh, Dolores killed some sheep.

00:56:36.000 We're going to have to take her out.

00:56:37.000 No, we can't kill Dolores.

00:56:38.000 Not Dolores.

00:56:39.000 Yeah, number three.

00:56:40.000 Wolf 157. Right.

00:56:42.000 Yeah.

00:56:43.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:56:44.000 It's like inmates in prison.

00:56:45.000 You just give them numbers.

00:56:46.000 Exactly.

00:56:46.000 So it's easier to kill them.

00:56:47.000 Easier to treat them like cattle.

00:56:49.000 Right.

00:56:50.000 But one guy killed that mountain lion.

00:56:52.000 He fought back.

00:56:54.000 Yeah.

00:56:54.000 That story turned out to be horseshit.

00:56:56.000 Oh, is that right?

00:56:57.000 Yeah, the mountain lion was a kitten.

00:57:00.000 It was a kitten, yeah.

00:57:01.000 It was a real kitten, and it had been separated from its mom.

00:57:04.000 You think his mom got killed?

00:57:06.000 And it was really, really small and really young.

00:57:08.000 So it wasn't like...

00:57:10.000 I mean, he might have attacked it.

00:57:11.000 Who knows?

00:57:12.000 He was emaciated.

00:57:13.000 Yeah.

00:57:14.000 Well, he still got fucked up a little bit.

00:57:16.000 Yeah.

00:57:16.000 He's a bitch.

00:57:17.000 I don't know.

00:57:18.000 I'm just kidding.

00:57:19.000 If he's listening right now, I'm sorry, bro.

00:57:21.000 But I think...

00:57:22.000 What happened?

00:57:22.000 You're alive.

00:57:23.000 We're happy alive.

00:57:24.000 You better not touch wolves, buddy.

00:57:25.000 I think maybe it was starving to death and it took a chance to try to kill him.

00:57:28.000 Yeah.

00:57:29.000 That's possible, too.

00:57:29.000 But it was really small.

00:57:30.000 It's like 30 pounds.

00:57:31.000 Which, still, a 30-pound cat is fucking terrifying.

00:57:33.000 I never saw pictures of the cat.

00:57:36.000 The one that he killed.

00:57:37.000 No, I never saw it either.

00:57:37.000 Because I think something had ate a lot of it by the time.

00:57:40.000 Oh, okay.

00:57:41.000 Yeah.

00:57:41.000 So did he say how he did it?

00:57:43.000 Did he put it in like a choke hold?

00:57:44.000 Or did he...

00:57:45.000 He stabbed it with a...

00:57:46.000 He choked it.

00:57:47.000 Oh.

00:57:47.000 Right?

00:57:47.000 Stepped on it?

00:57:48.000 Something like that?

00:57:49.000 Oh, man.

00:57:50.000 Yeah.

00:57:51.000 I was going to ask if you saw this thing going around the internet about this wolf pack being tracked.

00:57:55.000 There's actually six of them.

00:57:56.000 It's like a moving gif over time.

00:57:59.000 Oh, yeah.

00:58:00.000 I have seen this.

00:58:00.000 It's amazing.

00:58:01.000 It shows how they never cross territories.

00:58:03.000 Oh, cool!

00:58:04.000 Six different packs, I think.

00:58:06.000 Yeah.

00:58:06.000 They all establish their territory, they mark their territory, and they all respect it.

00:58:12.000 It's like over Minnesota, I think.

00:58:14.000 Yeah.

00:58:14.000 Minnesota has a shitload of wolves, apparently.

00:58:16.000 What if it keeps going and it's a picture of Jimi Hendrix?

00:58:19.000 Wisconsin has a shitload of wolves, apparently.

00:58:26.000 Like, thousands.

00:58:28.000 Wisconsin, yeah.

00:58:29.000 I could see that.

00:58:30.000 And it's a lot of woods up there and just land.

00:58:35.000 Not many major cities.

00:58:36.000 I think I saw a wolf once.

00:58:38.000 I think I saw a wolf once.

00:58:39.000 You mean like in the wild?

00:58:41.000 Yeah.

00:58:41.000 It was big.

00:58:42.000 It was either a coyote or it was a wolf.

00:58:45.000 But I think it might have been a wolf.

00:58:47.000 Because it was just getting dusk and I was in Alberta.

00:58:51.000 And I saw this thing run across the road.

00:58:53.000 I was like...

00:58:53.000 That might have been a wolf.

00:58:55.000 Yeah.

00:58:56.000 But if you see a wolf, the spooky thing is, what are they doing?

00:58:58.000 Are they circling you?

00:59:00.000 Yeah.

00:59:00.000 Are they checking you out?

00:59:01.000 And they're not usually alone, right?

00:59:04.000 No.

00:59:04.000 Those are the lone wolf, but that's rare.

00:59:06.000 That's an asshole.

00:59:07.000 That's a guy who got kicked out.

00:59:08.000 You ever seen this video?

00:59:09.000 This one's great.

00:59:10.000 No.

00:59:10.000 Look at the size of this thing.

00:59:11.000 Comes out of the woods and walks across the street.

00:59:14.000 Look at the size of this motherfucker.

00:59:17.000 Oh my God.

00:59:17.000 Jesus.

00:59:17.000 That's a bear.

00:59:18.000 That's such a big wolf.

00:59:20.000 That's a bear.

00:59:21.000 No, that's a wolf.

00:59:22.000 What the fuck is that?

00:59:24.000 It's a big-ass wolf.

00:59:25.000 That's what that is.

00:59:26.000 That's probably a 130-pound wolf or something.

00:59:29.000 Where is this?

00:59:30.000 If I had to guess, is this like Russia?

00:59:32.000 Russia.

00:59:33.000 Yeah, it's got to be Russia.

00:59:35.000 That's a gigantic wolf.

00:59:37.000 Russia's had real, legitimate problems with wolves.

00:59:41.000 Where in Siberia, they have these super packs.

00:59:43.000 They would get together because they were starving.

00:59:45.000 So they'd get like 100 wolves who'd form a super pack.

00:59:49.000 Because they could kind of do whatever the fuck they wanted once they got that big.

00:59:52.000 And they started killing horses.

00:59:53.000 Yeah.

00:59:54.000 Going to horse stables to just...

00:59:55.000 A bunch of wolves would take down a horse easy.

00:59:58.000 Yeah, but it's just the idea that the super packs, they realized it was too hard to just take over shit with all these pesky people and their guns in houses.

01:00:09.000 Yeah.

01:00:11.000 And so they got Desperado.

01:00:12.000 We're going to take your fucking horses now.

01:00:14.000 Siberia has always been an interesting place.

01:00:16.000 Have you been to Russia?

01:00:17.000 No.

01:00:17.000 I've been.

01:00:18.000 Have you?

01:00:18.000 What did you do up there?

01:00:19.000 1990. Yeah?

01:00:20.000 Right before communism fell.

01:00:22.000 I was there for three weeks.

01:00:23.000 Whoa, before communism fell.

01:00:25.000 Yeah.

01:00:26.000 What were you doing?

01:00:26.000 Gorbachev was in power.

01:00:28.000 Whoa.

01:00:28.000 Yeah.

01:00:29.000 Are you a spy?

01:00:31.000 Yeah.

01:00:31.000 Mm-hmm.

01:00:34.000 Wow, that's pretty good.

01:00:35.000 What did you say?

01:00:36.000 I said, hello.

01:00:37.000 I don't understand.

01:00:38.000 Please and thank you.

01:00:40.000 Wow.

01:00:41.000 That's the words I remember.

01:00:43.000 It was this program founded by Dwight D. Eisenhower in the 40s.

01:00:48.000 It's called People to People, where they send the youth of America to other countries to hang out with that youth to promote world peace.

01:00:54.000 And that's all it is.

01:00:55.000 And certain kids from high schools are selected, and you go to Washington, D.C. first for three days.

01:01:02.000 They debrief you, and then you go to another country.

01:01:05.000 Ours was Russia.

01:01:06.000 It was awesome.

01:01:06.000 I had a great time.

01:01:08.000 Wow.

01:01:08.000 Yeah.

01:01:09.000 And I told Bert Kreischer that too, you know, because he has the whole machine story.

01:01:14.000 I said, I feel like I can't tell my Russian story because you've owned it so much with your machine story that if I do anything about this, then it's going to look like, oh, okay, you too, huh?

01:01:24.000 Yeah, you got a Russian story.

01:01:26.000 Dude, you should tell it.

01:01:27.000 Yeah.

01:01:27.000 Yeah, people want to hear it.

01:01:29.000 They'll understand.

01:01:30.000 They don't think you're a thief.

01:01:30.000 I kind of got in trouble because I was trading illegally on the black market over there.

01:01:34.000 Not on purpose.

01:01:35.000 I didn't know I was doing it.

01:01:36.000 Yeah.

01:01:38.000 Likely story.

01:01:39.000 If I was a cop, I'd be like, tell me more.

01:01:42.000 That's kind of what happened.

01:01:44.000 This dude I was talking to, it was after a function that we were at, you know, where you would go to some town, some village, and they'd greet you with bread and salt, and they would dance around, and you would just...

01:01:55.000 Eat with them and hang out or whatever.

01:01:59.000 So I was just talking to this kid.

01:02:00.000 They speak perfect English.

01:02:02.000 We're the ones who don't speak Russian.

01:02:04.000 So this kid's trying to teach me Russian cuss words and I thought he was pretty cool.

01:02:07.000 It's before the internet.

01:02:08.000 So I had a bunch of these ink pens that my mom gave me from a phone company where she worked.

01:02:13.000 She goes, just give them ink pens.

01:02:14.000 They love anything with English writing on it.

01:02:15.000 Anything American, they're going to love it.

01:02:16.000 Bubble gum, jeans, ink pens.

01:02:19.000 So I was like, yeah, dude, let's be pen pals.

01:02:22.000 So exchanging addresses.

01:02:23.000 I'm like, I'll keep in touch with you.

01:02:25.000 Why not?

01:02:25.000 And I give him a pin and he gives me his address.

01:02:28.000 And what I don't know is this dude's already kind of in trouble with cops over there for trading illegally on the black market.

01:02:33.000 I had no idea.

01:02:34.000 And this cop just grabbed both of us.

01:02:36.000 Drags us into the hotel.

01:02:39.000 No one saw me from my group get grabbed, by the way, because I was off doing my own little thing with this dude, right?

01:02:45.000 Learning Russian cuss words.

01:02:46.000 So we go into his office in this hotel, and they're just cussing each other in Russian, and I don't know what the hell's going on.

01:02:52.000 I'm like, dude, what is this?

01:02:54.000 Am I in big trouble here?

01:02:56.000 He goes, this is bullshit.

01:02:57.000 Let's not have to worry about that.

01:02:58.000 This is bullshit.

01:02:59.000 And they scream some more.

01:03:00.000 Now, the cop doesn't speak English.

01:03:03.000 And so, he's basically my translator, this guy, to the cop.

01:03:07.000 I'm like, hey man, I'm with this group, you know, I don't know what's going on.

01:03:10.000 And so he kicks that kid out, the Russian cop.

01:03:13.000 And now it's just me and this Russian cop, and I'm looking at him, and he's looking at me, and he looks at my bag with all these ink pens, and he's like, he goes like this, he's like, let me see, you know.

01:03:22.000 He's like, oh, you want a pen?

01:03:23.000 So I hand him a pen, and he looks at it.

01:03:25.000 He's like, oh, cool, and he puts it in his desk.

01:03:27.000 And he goes away, and he comes back with this big-ass Russian pendant sickle and hammer thing with wings coming out.

01:03:33.000 It's a pretty cool-looking thing.

01:03:35.000 And he just handed it to me.

01:03:37.000 And he goes like this.

01:03:38.000 So he technically arrested me for trading, and then he traded with me.

01:03:44.000 Yeah.

01:03:45.000 1990 is when that happened.

01:03:47.000 It was pretty crazy.

01:03:49.000 It was fun to see all that shit, though, right before it fell.

01:03:51.000 Did you see, like, lines in the street for food or anything crazy like that?

01:03:55.000 Yeah.

01:03:57.000 Not...

01:03:57.000 Well, yeah.

01:03:58.000 I saw Lennon's.

01:03:59.000 We went to Red Square, Lennon's Tomb.

01:04:03.000 We went to some smaller little danky villages.

01:04:06.000 Went swimming in the Nippa River, right close to where Chernobyl was, like 50 miles from Chernobyl.

01:04:11.000 Whoa.

01:04:12.000 So...

01:04:12.000 But yeah, there was...

01:04:14.000 You definitely tell it was...

01:04:16.000 Definitely some poverty going on here and there.

01:04:17.000 But not to the extreme that you hear.

01:04:20.000 I didn't see these lines around buildings for toilet paper or anything like that.

01:04:27.000 Communism was on its way out, too.

01:04:29.000 It wasn't in the worst part of it.

01:04:32.000 But it was definitely an experience.

01:04:33.000 I was 18 when I went over there.

01:04:35.000 There's a picture of me in Red Square.

01:04:37.000 And I got acid wash jeans.

01:04:39.000 I got a Bugle Boy t-shirt on.

01:04:41.000 And I'm wearing a fanny pack with deck shoes.

01:04:43.000 And I'm just doing like this.

01:04:46.000 So that was fun, man.

01:04:49.000 Yeah.

01:04:50.000 That's got to be a hell of a flight, too, right?

01:04:52.000 How long does it take to get to Russia?

01:04:54.000 We went to Germany first on a layover there for like three hours.

01:04:57.000 Frankfurt.

01:04:58.000 And then...

01:04:59.000 God, I was so young.

01:04:59.000 I couldn't even tell you how long that thing was.

01:05:01.000 It's been a long time.

01:05:03.000 47 now.

01:05:04.000 That is an interesting country to me.

01:05:06.000 It's always been an interesting country.

01:05:08.000 Because it gets so fucking cold.

01:05:10.000 And they're hard people.

01:05:12.000 And they create all these amazing fighters.

01:05:15.000 There's so many great fighters and wrestlers that have come out of...

01:05:36.000 I think the movie's out.

01:05:42.000 The son of Drago.

01:05:43.000 I don't know.

01:05:44.000 Some Russian cat.

01:05:45.000 Okay.

01:05:46.000 Probably not even Russian.

01:05:46.000 So is that someone that's already famous over here?

01:05:48.000 I don't think so.

01:05:49.000 I don't think so.

01:05:51.000 Yeah, there's the guy.

01:05:52.000 Look at him.

01:05:53.000 There's Drago.

01:05:54.000 Yeah!

01:05:55.000 This is the son.

01:05:56.000 This is my son.

01:05:57.000 He still looks like a badass.

01:05:58.000 He does.

01:05:58.000 He's still a badass, I'm sure.

01:06:00.000 His jaw is perfectly square.

01:06:02.000 That's like a damn square.

01:06:04.000 Look how much bigger he is.

01:06:06.000 Jesus Christ.

01:06:08.000 How tall is Sylvester?

01:06:11.000 I don't know.

01:06:13.000 Have you met him?

01:06:14.000 Yes.

01:06:15.000 Yes.

01:06:17.000 I think he's...

01:06:18.000 He's got about 5'9"?

01:06:20.000 He's taller than me.

01:06:21.000 I'm 5'8".

01:06:22.000 Okay.

01:06:22.000 So he's either 5'9 or 5'10".

01:06:24.000 Okay.

01:06:25.000 So that, well then Drago must be huge.

01:06:27.000 Like how tall does it say he is?

01:06:28.000 Because everybody who jokes around says he's 5'11 or that he's 5'7 or 5'5.

01:06:33.000 But they do that with everybody.

01:06:35.000 Yeah.

01:06:36.000 They do a Tom Cruise.

01:06:37.000 Yeah, it says 5'10".

01:06:38.000 See, that makes sense.

01:06:39.000 So he's two inches taller than me.

01:06:41.000 5'10".

01:06:41.000 Yeah.

01:06:42.000 Okay.

01:06:43.000 Well, yeah, I think I'm 5'9".

01:06:45.000 I don't know.

01:06:46.000 I haven't measured myself in a while.

01:06:48.000 How tall do you think I am?

01:06:50.000 I think you're about that.

01:06:51.000 About 5'9".

01:06:52.000 Yeah.

01:06:52.000 In high school, I always put like 5'10", 5'11".

01:06:55.000 People are bigger now.

01:06:56.000 We're old people that are small.

01:06:58.000 And as people get bigger and bigger, these kids today that are hitting puberty when they're six...

01:07:03.000 There's the hormones in the meat!

01:07:06.000 What's up?

01:07:07.000 6'5".

01:07:08.000 Mm-hmm.

01:07:08.000 Who's 6'5"?

01:07:09.000 They probably accentuated his height for that scene.

01:07:12.000 Well, that's just his hair is 5 inches.

01:07:14.000 Look at that damn hair.

01:07:15.000 Yeah, but that looks like he's almost like a foot taller than him, doesn't it?

01:07:18.000 Yeah.

01:07:18.000 Yeah, they probably had him in heels and had Sylvester Stallone barefoot or something for that shot.

01:07:26.000 Didn't they say, like, at one point during this movie, Rocky said, go ahead and hit me for real one time.

01:07:33.000 Just want to, you know, make it look real.

01:07:35.000 Because they were always like, you know, they're like an inch apart in the swings.

01:07:38.000 And it almost hit him to the hospital.

01:07:40.000 Like, he hit him in the chest.

01:07:41.000 Oh, that's right.

01:07:41.000 Yeah, he talked about that.

01:07:42.000 So he almost stopped his heart or some shit.

01:07:44.000 That's a dumb idea.

01:07:45.000 Dolph Rundgren is a beast.

01:07:46.000 Right.

01:07:47.000 He's a serious athlete.

01:07:49.000 He was a professional, yeah.

01:07:49.000 He's a kickboxer.

01:07:50.000 Kickboxer, yeah.

01:07:51.000 Really good.

01:07:51.000 Sylvester Stallone.

01:07:52.000 Lundgren put me in the hospital during Rocky IV. Yeah, I believe it.

01:07:55.000 Don't let people hit you, bro.

01:07:58.000 I like the realism, though.

01:08:00.000 I guess.

01:08:01.000 I wonder if they even use the clip.

01:08:02.000 Right.

01:08:03.000 He also has, like, screws in his neck from doing the Expendables.

01:08:10.000 Oh, yeah.

01:08:11.000 Yeah.

01:08:12.000 What do you got, Jamie?

01:08:13.000 He's put in intensive care for five days because of that.

01:08:15.000 Jesus!

01:08:17.000 With nuns walking around.

01:08:20.000 Jesus Christ.

01:08:22.000 Wow.

01:08:23.000 The insurance company would not pay out until after they saw the footage of the incident.

01:08:27.000 Once they did, they wrote the check.

01:08:29.000 I want to see that footage.

01:08:30.000 I want to see that punch.

01:08:32.000 He hit my heart so hard that it banged against my ribs and started to swell.

01:08:38.000 And that usually happens in car accidents.

01:08:40.000 Oh my god.

01:08:42.000 Jesus, that guy can punch!

01:08:44.000 He's a beast, man.

01:08:45.000 He's a giant dude.

01:08:46.000 Why would he ever kill a dude?

01:08:47.000 And he's a serious striker.

01:08:49.000 Like, he knows how to throw shots.

01:08:50.000 If you watch him in his movies, he's obviously trained.

01:08:54.000 Yeah.

01:08:56.000 I want to see that footage.

01:08:57.000 I want to see that punk.

01:08:58.000 Ouch.

01:08:58.000 That's got to be out there.

01:08:59.000 What if Sylvester Stallone wouldn't let anybody see it?

01:09:03.000 It's too embarrassing.

01:09:04.000 The way he cried.

01:09:05.000 He makes a weird face.

01:09:08.000 He's like that lady who steps on grapes, who falls down and goes, Ow!

01:09:13.000 She loses her breath.

01:09:14.000 You can never be an action hero again if somebody sees you cry.

01:09:17.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:09:17.000 If somebody sees you legitimately cry from a liver shot, like, whoa!

01:09:21.000 You just shit yourself.

01:09:23.000 He's looking at the camera.

01:09:25.000 Why?

01:09:25.000 Shitting yourself is probably the most embarrassing thing a person can do, right?

01:09:29.000 Yeah.

01:09:30.000 Especially if you shit yourself.

01:09:31.000 Like a guy who's known for being handsome and debonair and a badass.

01:09:35.000 Yeah, just can't make it to the toilet in time.

01:09:37.000 Blah!

01:09:38.000 There's no control over himself.

01:09:39.000 Shit yourself in your car while you're driving.

01:09:41.000 You got white leather seats.

01:09:44.000 That's the worst.

01:09:45.000 It's going to happen to someone.

01:09:47.000 It happens to everybody.

01:09:48.000 There's going to be a time in your life if you eat risky.

01:09:51.000 Yeah.

01:09:52.000 Right?

01:09:52.000 Yeah.

01:09:53.000 Think of the most handsome person in the world.

01:09:55.000 Most beautiful woman in the world.

01:09:57.000 Splattering.

01:09:58.000 Her shit all over herself at some point.

01:10:00.000 In her hotness heyday.

01:10:02.000 Most likely.

01:10:03.000 Do you remember that?

01:10:04.000 I don't like thinking about that.

01:10:05.000 What was the Woody Harrelson movie?

01:10:08.000 Was it?

01:10:09.000 No.

01:10:10.000 Was it a shit scene?

01:10:11.000 That was he was throwing up.

01:10:13.000 Was it the Woody Harrelson movie where he played the bowler?

01:10:17.000 Oh, yeah.

01:10:19.000 Kingpin.

01:10:20.000 Yeah.

01:10:20.000 That wasn't a shit scene, right?

01:10:23.000 There wasn't a shit scene in that.

01:10:24.000 I'm thinking of Dumb and Dumber.

01:10:26.000 There is a shit scene.

01:10:27.000 Well, he's just shitting in the urinal.

01:10:28.000 That's about it, really.

01:10:29.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:10:30.000 That's right.

01:10:31.000 I know how to do it.

01:10:32.000 Is that a Farrelly Brothers movie?

01:10:34.000 I think so.

01:10:35.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:10:35.000 Dumb and Dumber has a big shit scene, too, with Jeff Daniels.

01:10:38.000 That's right.

01:10:39.000 Yeah, where he's like...

01:10:39.000 That's what I'm thinking of.

01:10:40.000 Puts laxative in his drink.

01:10:41.000 Yeah, where he's hanging onto the toilet seat lid like he's going to get shot to orbit.

01:10:45.000 And he's going...

01:10:46.000 Yeah.

01:10:47.000 Making all those weird noises.

01:10:48.000 Yeah, because Jim Carrey was stealing his girl.

01:10:50.000 Yeah.

01:10:51.000 He poisoned him.

01:10:52.000 Poisoned his friend.

01:10:53.000 Yeah, that's it right there.

01:10:54.000 There it is.

01:10:55.000 Full on.

01:10:56.000 But Kingpin.

01:10:57.000 Was it a Farrelly Brothers movie?

01:10:59.000 No.

01:11:01.000 That's one of my all-time favorite comedy movies.

01:11:03.000 Kingpin?

01:11:04.000 That's a great guy.

01:11:05.000 I remember loving it, but I haven't seen it in so long.

01:11:08.000 I need to look at it again.

01:11:09.000 I'm scared to watch movies that I love again and see them in the light of 2019 and go, ew.

01:11:16.000 This is terrible.

01:11:18.000 Yeah, I know.

01:11:19.000 That's happened a couple times.

01:11:19.000 It happens.

01:11:20.000 It's weird, right?

01:11:21.000 You remember them so fondly.

01:11:23.000 Look at that.

01:11:24.000 Don't worry.

01:11:25.000 Look at that hair.

01:11:26.000 That hair's amazing.

01:11:30.000 It was such a good movie, man.

01:11:32.000 It was so fun.

01:11:33.000 Someone in hair and makeup had to go like, I'm sure that was his decision, we're going to make your hair just fan out randomly.

01:11:40.000 It's going to look like a spoiler on a Fiero.

01:11:42.000 Donald Trump's hair before Donald Trump had it.

01:11:44.000 Yeah!

01:11:44.000 He had like a little Trump thing going on there.

01:11:46.000 It's very similar.

01:11:48.000 There's a professional bowler now in the PBA that has a full-on orange afro right now.

01:11:53.000 Really?

01:11:53.000 And he's, like, really good.

01:11:54.000 And he's from my hometown.

01:11:55.000 Yeah, see, if you're a bowler, you gotta do something like that.

01:11:58.000 You gotta stand out.

01:11:58.000 You gotta wear, like, purple, glittery clothes or some shit.

01:12:02.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:12:02.000 That's smart.

01:12:03.000 That's just Brandon.

01:12:03.000 He's peacocking.

01:12:04.000 He's like, there he is!

01:12:05.000 That dude's from Hickory, North Carolina.

01:12:08.000 See, that's why he wears that shit.

01:12:11.000 Got him.

01:12:13.000 Well, he's got to.

01:12:13.000 He's got to.

01:12:15.000 I mean, how the fuck else do you get attention when you're a bowler?

01:12:18.000 That's exactly right.

01:12:19.000 Like, that might be the only way to save bowling.

01:12:21.000 They might have to, like, go, like, roller derby and just knock into each other while they're bowling.

01:12:26.000 People are bored of bowling, man.

01:12:28.000 I've never sat down and watched bowling.

01:12:31.000 Ari's got a good friend, Tommy...

01:12:34.000 What's his name?

01:12:35.000 He's a professional bowler.

01:12:37.000 Real nice guy.

01:12:38.000 I met him at a couple of shows.

01:12:39.000 But this guy's a real pro bowler.

01:12:41.000 We were talking about the financial opportunities of bowling.

01:12:44.000 And it's not good.

01:12:47.000 Like pro pool players look down on bowlers.

01:12:51.000 You'd be surprised.

01:12:52.000 It sucks.

01:12:53.000 It sucks.

01:12:54.000 Fat dick.

01:12:57.000 Tommy...

01:12:58.000 Ari's friend.

01:12:59.000 I'm sorry, Tommy.

01:12:59.000 Have you bowled recently?

01:13:02.000 I bowled with my kids.

01:13:03.000 Yeah.

01:13:03.000 It's fun.

01:13:04.000 I've bowled, yeah.

01:13:04.000 Delutes, maybe?

01:13:06.000 I think that's it.

01:13:07.000 Yeah, Tommy Delutes.

01:13:08.000 I think that's it.

01:13:09.000 The guy I went to high school with was...

01:13:11.000 Yep, that's him.

01:13:13.000 100%.

01:13:14.000 There's Ari.

01:13:15.000 Ari went to see him bowl.

01:13:17.000 Yeah, he's a good guy.

01:13:18.000 Real good guy.

01:13:19.000 Real fucking killer bowler.

01:13:21.000 Can you make it curve?

01:13:22.000 Nah.

01:13:23.000 Do you even try?

01:13:24.000 Steamroll that motherfucker.

01:13:25.000 I do too.

01:13:26.000 Right down the damn middle.

01:13:27.000 I do it as hard as humanly possible.

01:13:30.000 Or it's just disturbing for people to watch.

01:13:32.000 And now they have the miles per hour up there.

01:13:35.000 So you can see how fast.

01:13:36.000 It's like a damn pitching thing.

01:13:39.000 I'm trying to get that bitch fast.

01:13:41.000 I just want to smash those things.

01:13:43.000 I get annoyed at the guys who, like, curve it really good.

01:13:46.000 Like, it goes way over here and it just whips real fast.

01:13:49.000 And then they gutter ball.

01:13:51.000 I'm like, all that for fucking nothing.

01:13:54.000 Look at all that you did.

01:13:56.000 Now watch me.

01:13:58.000 Right down the middle.

01:13:59.000 To me, bowling was always like breaking in pool.

01:14:04.000 It's like, yeah, it's cool to break the balls, but the real cool thing is to play the game.

01:14:09.000 You're just breaking the balls over and over again.

01:14:11.000 It's the same look every time.

01:14:13.000 Every time.

01:14:15.000 Well, it's like bowling.

01:14:16.000 Bowling, you're just breaking the balls.

01:14:18.000 That's all you're doing.

01:14:19.000 When you're bowling, you've got pins.

01:14:21.000 You're just knocking down the pins in the exact same order.

01:14:23.000 It's the same thing every time.

01:14:25.000 And I know the combinations are different and the way they collide and the way you impact is different, but it's still the same thing.

01:14:32.000 It's a dumb game.

01:14:34.000 I'm sorry.

01:14:35.000 And my grandfather was a big bowler, man.

01:14:38.000 He bowled leagues and he had trophies in his house and shit.

01:14:40.000 He used to love bowling.

01:14:42.000 But when I was a little kid, I was analyzing bowling.

01:14:44.000 Because he'd take me bowling with him.

01:14:46.000 I was like, this is a nonsense game.

01:14:47.000 This game's nonsense.

01:14:49.000 How do you get into it?

01:14:50.000 Just so you can smoke and drink?

01:14:52.000 Dude, there's a thing that they have on the East Coast in Boston that they don't even have anywhere else.

01:14:58.000 It's called Candle Pin Bowling.

01:15:00.000 You ever see that shit?

01:15:01.000 It's a smaller version?

01:15:03.000 Dude, you bowl with a softball.

01:15:05.000 That sounds more fun to me.

01:15:07.000 But it's huge in the East Coast.

01:15:09.000 Hometown Ohio, they've got a few places, actually, gigantic bars that have all these lanes for this thing, yeah.

01:15:14.000 For Candle Pin Bowling?

01:15:15.000 Yeah, it's called pins or something like that.

01:15:17.000 I was looking down on that, because I came from my grandfather in New Jersey who bowled regular bowling like a fucking American.

01:15:24.000 Right.

01:15:24.000 And then I'm over, what's this candle pin bullshit?

01:15:26.000 I'm like, would you guys steal this from Finland or something?

01:15:29.000 What is this?

01:15:29.000 Right, right.

01:15:30.000 Nonsense game.

01:15:31.000 Look at those pins.

01:15:32.000 Look at those things.

01:15:32.000 Oh my goodness.

01:15:33.000 Now see, I didn't know it was that.

01:15:34.000 That is ridiculous.

01:15:35.000 I didn't know they were shaped that way.

01:15:36.000 They're throwing rocks.

01:15:38.000 They're throwing rocks at pins.

01:15:39.000 That's not what I was talking about.

01:15:40.000 This is really just a bar game.

01:15:41.000 What is that?

01:15:41.000 This is not what you're talking about?

01:15:43.000 Well, I mean it is, but it's way smaller and it's really just like a bar game.

01:15:46.000 Oh no.

01:15:47.000 They have like five lanes or ten lanes and you can Oh.

01:15:49.000 But it's this same game?

01:15:51.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:15:52.000 I'll show you.

01:15:53.000 Candlepin Bowling in New England, they'll have bowling alleys.

01:15:56.000 And you go, oh, let's go bowl.

01:15:57.000 And they're like, oh, we're candlepin only.

01:15:59.000 People are like, what?

01:16:01.000 Candlepin only.

01:16:02.000 Bowling alleys.

01:16:04.000 Yeah.

01:16:04.000 So we're going to light these candles?

01:16:06.000 That's what I want.

01:16:07.000 Set them on fire.

01:16:08.000 It only works on the East Coast for some reason.

01:16:10.000 There's a few of those things.

01:16:11.000 How about this?

01:16:12.000 Highlight.

01:16:13.000 Oh, fuck.

01:16:14.000 How fast does that ball go?

01:16:16.000 That ball goes fast.

01:16:18.000 It's actually way smaller than I was thinking in my head.

01:16:20.000 I've only been there once.

01:16:21.000 It's way different.

01:16:22.000 Miniature bowling, kind of.

01:16:23.000 Yeah.

01:16:23.000 Well, it's like skeet ball, too.

01:16:25.000 Skeet ball a little bit.

01:16:26.000 Yeah.

01:16:26.000 So it's kind of like candle pin bowling.

01:16:28.000 But the pins are different.

01:16:30.000 They're shaped like candles.

01:16:31.000 That's why it's called candle pin bowling.

01:16:32.000 If you look at them, they're thin pins.

01:16:34.000 They're not fat on the bottom.

01:16:36.000 It's like, why do we even hear?

01:16:38.000 I don't know.

01:16:39.000 Are we bowling or not?

01:16:40.000 Make a commitment.

01:16:41.000 High Lie, I think, is one of the most corrupt games.

01:16:44.000 Oh, yeah?

01:16:45.000 Someone tried to tell me, oh, it was Joey.

01:16:47.000 He was explaining to me how High Lie works, that it's all about gambling.

01:16:52.000 And the only reason why it works is that people are betting on the games.

01:16:55.000 And so because people are betting on the games, they get these guys, and these guys are just fucking missing on purpose.

01:17:00.000 Oh, really?

01:17:01.000 Yeah, it's like it's rigged.

01:17:03.000 I might be wrong.

01:17:04.000 If you're a highlight player and you're like, Fuck you, Joe Rogan!

01:17:07.000 I'll never listen to this podcast again!

01:17:09.000 Hey, I get my information from the church of what's happening now.

01:17:12.000 Look at that damn glove.

01:17:13.000 Look how they play with that goofy thing.

01:17:15.000 It looks like somebody with one long, freaky nail.

01:17:17.000 They're holding it, right?

01:17:19.000 It's not like wrapped around their wrist.

01:17:21.000 They're holding it like a tennis racket.

01:17:24.000 How much more fun would it be if he watched a baseball game where the pitcher just had that thing?

01:17:29.000 Boy, that looks so stupid.

01:17:30.000 This game looks so dumb.

01:17:32.000 What's the goal?

01:17:34.000 Who's winning?

01:17:35.000 Who's losing?

01:17:35.000 I don't know.

01:17:36.000 They're throwing it off the wall and then another guy catches it.

01:17:41.000 Somebody better get hit in the face pretty quick.

01:17:43.000 They're putting forth minimum effort.

01:17:45.000 Even when he falls down, it's like that guy, he's falling down like he's trying to get a foul.

01:17:51.000 Oh, yeah, he does.

01:17:52.000 It looks like he flopped.

01:17:53.000 Yeah, he flopped.

01:17:53.000 And soccer.

01:17:54.000 The soccer flops the best.

01:17:55.000 Oh, he soccer flopped it.

01:17:57.000 That's why soccer never make it in America.

01:17:59.000 The flop.

01:18:01.000 You have 30 years of flopping.

01:18:03.000 You can't trick us.

01:18:04.000 We can watch it on TV. We know what you do.

01:18:06.000 You know, though, I think it's catching on to the NFL and the NBA. They're flopping?

01:18:09.000 They're starting to flop a little bit more.

01:18:11.000 Because they see what happens.

01:18:12.000 Didn't somebody analyze?

01:18:14.000 Whose free throw did they analyze?

01:18:18.000 There was an ESPN analyst who analyzed...

01:18:22.000 What's the guy's name with the big crazy beard?

01:18:24.000 Really good basketball player?

01:18:26.000 Oh, from the Clippers?

01:18:28.000 Oh, go to...

01:18:29.000 I don't know what...

01:18:30.000 I pretended to know.

01:18:32.000 I literally don't know shit.

01:18:33.000 Go to Andrew Schultz's...

01:18:37.000 I think it's Kevin Durant.

01:18:39.000 Is that it?

01:18:40.000 Andrew Schultz's...

01:18:41.000 Go to Andrew Schultz's Twitter page.

01:18:45.000 Okay.

01:18:46.000 So he had it up on his Twitter and I watched it.

01:18:49.000 I watched the analysis.

01:18:50.000 The difference between him when he's challenged and he throws a free throw versus unchallenged.

01:18:55.000 James Harden with the beard.

01:18:56.000 That's it.

01:18:57.000 James Harden.

01:18:58.000 What do you mean challenged?

01:19:00.000 Meaning someone's trying to block him or he has a free open shot.

01:19:03.000 When he has a free open shot, he just jumps up in the air and does his three-pointer.

01:19:08.000 But when he's challenged, he throws his legs up to hit the other person so he can fall down on his ass.

01:19:14.000 Oh, like it's like a leg kick?

01:19:16.000 Like a self-defense move?

01:19:17.000 Well, it's not even a self-defense move.

01:19:19.000 He's like making...

01:19:20.000 He's forcing contact with the person so that he can fall down.

01:19:24.000 So it looks like...

01:19:25.000 Yeah.

01:19:25.000 It's interesting.

01:19:26.000 So it looks like he got fouled.

01:19:27.000 So here you'll see him.

01:19:29.000 Watch.

01:19:30.000 No one's there.

01:19:31.000 Watch.

01:19:31.000 Watch he jumps.

01:19:32.000 He jumps straight up in the air.

01:19:33.000 Straight up.

01:19:33.000 Just straight up in the air.

01:19:34.000 And this guy analyzes several shots where he does this.

01:19:38.000 Oh, and he missed.

01:19:38.000 And then they show when he's contested.

01:19:41.000 Right.

01:19:42.000 And when he's contested, he jumps up in the air.

01:19:44.000 And look, he throws his body weight forward and then falls down.

01:19:48.000 Oh.

01:19:48.000 So, in the hopes that they'll be a foul.

01:19:50.000 Yeah, they're saying, like, if you look at the way his body moves, when someone's contesting him, he moves and leaning his legs towards them to make contact with them.

01:19:59.000 Do you think that's involuntary or voluntary?

01:20:02.000 It could be involuntary.

01:20:03.000 See, the problem is that pencil-neck dork fucking...

01:20:08.000 No, he's specifically known, especially in the last two or three years, for getting himself to the free throw line at a way higher clip than almost anybody in history.

01:20:18.000 So that's what they're also saying.

01:20:19.000 You can't fault him for that because he's using the rules of the game to play the game.

01:20:24.000 Right, so who is this guy who's examining this?

01:20:26.000 Scott Van Pelt.

01:20:27.000 Scott Van Pelt.

01:20:29.000 So the head sports center guy is analyzing this and he's realizing that I don't know.

01:20:55.000 I'm going with Scott Van Pelten.

01:20:57.000 Is that his name?

01:20:58.000 Yeah, they made it a rule too.

01:21:00.000 There's a big thing that happened over the weekend in their game because you have to give the guy a space to land because a couple years ago there were a couple defensive players that got in trouble for hurting people.

01:21:09.000 They were getting their ankles turned, ruining their career, which is then ruining this team's chances to win a championship.

01:21:14.000 Lots of money involved.

01:21:15.000 It's a flagrant foul.

01:21:17.000 It's very bad to do that.

01:21:18.000 And the referees all of a sudden didn't call this on Sunday.

01:21:22.000 The very first time all year they stopped calling it.

01:21:24.000 That's why they're talking about it, really.

01:21:26.000 And they stop calling it because people are taking advantage of it?

01:21:29.000 Why they stop calling it is the big question that people are literally talking about for 48 hours.

01:21:34.000 Like, why are they doing this?

01:21:35.000 Bringing up the question of, like, are the officials really involved in the game?

01:21:39.000 And it's become a big discussion about that.

01:21:41.000 Another reason why I won't watch it.

01:21:43.000 Do you watch sports?

01:21:44.000 I watch football.

01:21:45.000 That's it?

01:21:45.000 Yep.

01:21:46.000 Do you worry about brain damage?

01:21:49.000 Well, yeah, because it's going to ruin the NFL. Do you look at it differently?

01:21:52.000 Let's go take my sport away.

01:21:53.000 Do you look at it differently than you did before that concussion movie?

01:21:57.000 Well, I played high school football.

01:21:59.000 I've got hit so hard that I've seen stars and that kind of stuff.

01:22:03.000 But I think that could happen...

01:22:04.000 I don't look at it differently, to answer your question.

01:22:07.000 No.

01:22:07.000 I think, you know...

01:22:09.000 They might change the helmets.

01:22:11.000 And they've tried that over the years.

01:22:13.000 Do you remember, like...

01:22:14.000 It was just leather helmets.

01:22:15.000 There was less concussions because you would not lead with your head.

01:22:19.000 Exactly.

01:22:19.000 Now you have a weapon on your head and people have used it as such.

01:22:24.000 And so I would love...

01:22:25.000 You know how they do throwback uniforms?

01:22:27.000 I mean, let's go throw back equipment.

01:22:29.000 Let's put the leather helmet back on.

01:22:31.000 Take that stupid face mask off.

01:22:34.000 You really should, but you'd have to change so much.

01:22:36.000 You'd have to change so much in the way people...

01:22:38.000 There's so many different factors.

01:22:40.000 The way they practice, the way they set up plays.

01:22:43.000 It would have to be a new game.

01:22:44.000 I don't think it's going to happen.

01:22:45.000 I think the perception of the helmet being safer fucked the game up.

01:22:49.000 I really think it did.

01:22:51.000 I used to think that bare knuckle boxing, that they should have bare knuckles in the UFC, but then I've been watching this bare knuckle boxing stuff, and people get cut up so bad, now I'm thinking, you know what?

01:23:04.000 It's better to have padded knuckles.

01:23:05.000 It's better.

01:23:06.000 It's better for the fighters.

01:23:08.000 The helmets, the leather helmets were padded.

01:23:10.000 They just weren't like a hard shell.

01:23:12.000 And the shell is what made it, you know, you used it as a weapon.

01:23:16.000 That's literally the only way you're going to be able to stop some of this brain damage.

01:23:20.000 And you're still not going to be able to stop at all.

01:23:21.000 They're still colliding into each other.

01:23:23.000 They say these guys are getting brain damage from getting hit in the chest.

01:23:26.000 They're getting hit in the chest and their head snaps back and their brain's swashing around inside their skull.

01:23:31.000 Well, they're changing, I think, Maybe like in the little league now, it's like you can't do tackle football until a certain age.

01:23:40.000 So now it's all flag football until a certain age, I think.

01:23:45.000 That'll probably happen.

01:23:48.000 And then the practices will be different.

01:23:50.000 We only do pads once a week.

01:23:54.000 Save it for the real game.

01:23:56.000 Well, it would be amazing if they ever came up with something that definitively fixed it, like some stem cell treatment or something like that that regenerated brain tissue and bring you back to your normal state.

01:24:06.000 Right.

01:24:06.000 If they do that, then we don't have to worry about it anymore.

01:24:08.000 Right.

01:24:09.000 But until that, man.

01:24:10.000 Well, that's got to be around the corner.

01:24:11.000 That's close.

01:24:12.000 I think that's a very complex question of how to regenerate neural tissue, brain tissue, how to get rid of all those abscesses and all those things that you see in those people's brains that have CTE. They develop these holes in their brain.

01:24:27.000 It's serious shit.

01:24:30.000 It's a wild-ass sport, though.

01:24:32.000 Did you play football ever?

01:24:33.000 No.

01:24:34.000 No, I wrestled in high school.

01:24:35.000 I was little, man.

01:24:36.000 I wrestled 134 pounds.

01:24:38.000 Yeah, but you could have been a good runner back.

01:24:40.000 Fuck the fuck out of here.

01:24:41.000 There was another dude...

01:24:43.000 Well, so the fastest guys are small and just, you know...

01:24:45.000 I wasn't that fast a runner.

01:24:47.000 I was fast kicking and punching and stuff, but I wasn't really that fast a runner.

01:24:51.000 I didn't do a lot of running.

01:24:52.000 But when I was in high school, when I was wrestling, they were trying to tell me, like the coach, Coach Murphy, he was also the wrestling coach, he was also the football coach, And he's like, bro, come on.

01:25:04.000 You're a sick fuck.

01:25:05.000 You should play football.

01:25:06.000 And I was like, dude, that guy plays football.

01:25:09.000 We had our heavyweight.

01:25:10.000 His name was Bobby Baker.

01:25:11.000 He was 300 pounds.

01:25:12.000 He was enormous.

01:25:13.000 He was so big.

01:25:13.000 I was like, he's not squashing me.

01:25:15.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:25:16.000 The hardest I've ever been hit was by a little dude in practice.

01:25:20.000 Probably like 5'7".

01:25:22.000 And he was a DB. And it was a practice, so I was like third string running back in there.

01:25:28.000 I was just running up the gut.

01:25:31.000 And I was falling into the end zone, right?

01:25:33.000 It was over.

01:25:34.000 And this kid, he had a running start, like 20-yard head start.

01:25:37.000 And it was like he came up from out of the ground and went, wow, and knocked me back up.

01:25:42.000 Whoa.

01:25:43.000 And that's the hardest I've ever been hit was by a little guy.

01:25:47.000 Just think about a human torpedo.

01:25:50.000 You're like a human torpedo with a hard helmet on.

01:25:53.000 And that's what he led with that helmet.

01:25:55.000 But you know how fast a really good athlete can run and just think of all that mass behind them and just crash!

01:26:04.000 The way those guys get hit and the amount of force behind them getting hit is probably unlike anything in sports other than a car accident, right?

01:26:12.000 Other than a NASCAR. Yeah, NASCAR, I think they should bring, they should, you know how hockey, you can still fight in hockey.

01:26:21.000 NASCAR fights?

01:26:22.000 Yeah.

01:26:22.000 Pull out in the pit stop, let's duke it out.

01:26:24.000 Yeah, if there's a caution, everyone else is lapping, you got two guys to have a beef, pull over, get out of the car.

01:26:30.000 Whoa.

01:26:30.000 In the middle of the infield, we have a wrestling rink.

01:26:33.000 And it's like full on, let's go get in the rink.

01:26:35.000 Wow.

01:26:36.000 We'll give you two minutes, and then if you win that match, maybe you get a little time shaving off, you know.

01:26:42.000 So there's an advantage to it.

01:26:45.000 I'd watch that more if it were like half wrestling, half wrestling.

01:26:51.000 Put the Nacho Libre mask on.

01:26:53.000 NASCAR's a weird one, right?

01:26:54.000 Because it's obviously fun to watch.

01:26:56.000 It's fun to be there.

01:26:58.000 But it's not as fun as Formula One.

01:26:59.000 You watch Formula One, you're like, well, these guys are going way faster.

01:27:03.000 Well, and those wheels.

01:27:04.000 Yeah.

01:27:05.000 Yeah.

01:27:05.000 I mean, that's a whole other thing.

01:27:08.000 Yeah.

01:27:08.000 You know, those wheels touch.

01:27:09.000 It's over.

01:27:10.000 You're in the air.

01:27:11.000 Right.

01:27:11.000 Yeah.

01:27:12.000 These guys' NASCAR, a lot of that happens, and it's fine.

01:27:14.000 That's true.

01:27:15.000 That one wheel?

01:27:16.000 Wow!

01:27:17.000 Wow!

01:27:17.000 Yeah, and those guys die.

01:27:18.000 Yeah.

01:27:19.000 Well, I guess NASCAR guys die, too.

01:27:21.000 Yeah.

01:27:21.000 Not as much anymore, but...

01:27:23.000 I mean, anybody's driving a fucking car going fast can die.

01:27:25.000 What am I saying?

01:27:26.000 But there's something about...

01:27:27.000 Have you ever seen the video between...

01:27:29.000 They show GT3 racing versus Formula 1 racing?

01:27:33.000 It's the same track.

01:27:34.000 And they show a GT3 car, like a Porsche, going around this car really fast.

01:27:40.000 And then they show the same exact path being taken by a Formula 1 car.

01:27:44.000 And you're like, Jesus.

01:27:45.000 Watch this.

01:27:46.000 Okay.

01:27:47.000 Jeez.

01:27:48.000 Yeah.

01:27:50.000 One on the left.

01:27:51.000 Whoa!

01:27:52.000 Look at how much faster they are.

01:27:54.000 Okay.

01:27:55.000 That's the same track.

01:27:57.000 The same track.

01:27:57.000 Exact same turn.

01:27:59.000 Look how much goddamn faster they are, man.

01:28:01.000 That's insane.

01:28:02.000 Look at that.

01:28:02.000 It's so wild.

01:28:03.000 How fast is that car going on the right?

01:28:05.000 I don't know, man.

01:28:05.000 That's insane.

01:28:06.000 It seems amazing.

01:28:07.000 What a perfect line he's cutting.

01:28:09.000 See how the line, the perfect racing line is cut into the groove?

01:28:12.000 You see that darkness?

01:28:13.000 Yep.

01:28:14.000 Yep.

01:28:15.000 That's a bunch of talented drivers.

01:28:17.000 No, thank you.

01:28:18.000 I think the fastest I've ever been is like maybe 115. You ever been on a racetrack?

01:28:23.000 I've been on a racetrack.

01:28:24.000 Yeah?

01:28:24.000 Yeah.

01:28:25.000 But not, you know, in a pace car, you know.

01:28:28.000 Oh, but a NASCAR? Yeah.

01:28:29.000 Yeah.

01:28:30.000 But the Daytona 500 has that huge...

01:28:34.000 You know, that incline.

01:28:35.000 And just being down there and seeing that and standing there next to it like, whoa, I didn't know it was that steep.

01:28:41.000 You have to go fast to stay on it then.

01:28:44.000 Yeah.

01:28:45.000 That is pretty wild, right?

01:28:46.000 And people get hit up there.

01:28:48.000 They bump wheels up there and collide and fucking spin out on each other.

01:28:52.000 Look at that thing.

01:28:54.000 Yeah, that is nuts, man.

01:28:56.000 That's a serious bang.

01:28:57.000 Look at that.

01:28:58.000 It's like a wall.

01:28:59.000 That is.

01:29:00.000 A little turned to the picture, but still.

01:29:03.000 What do you think that degree is?

01:29:05.000 Like, what angle?

01:29:07.000 They've told me before.

01:29:08.000 I forgot.

01:29:09.000 It's probably like...

01:29:10.000 It's pretty serious, though.

01:29:11.000 20 degrees?

01:29:13.000 31 degrees.

01:29:15.000 Whoa.

01:29:15.000 Wow.

01:29:15.000 That's crazy.

01:29:16.000 That's insane.

01:29:17.000 That's...

01:29:18.000 I mean...

01:29:18.000 Man.

01:29:19.000 If you would be nervous if you were on a skateboard on that thing...

01:29:21.000 You have to go a certain speed just to stay up on the...

01:29:24.000 Probably, right?

01:29:24.000 Yeah.

01:29:26.000 Yeah.

01:29:26.000 It's such an American sport, man.

01:29:29.000 NASCAR is so American because it's loud as fuck.

01:29:32.000 The cars are gross.

01:29:33.000 They're so gross looking.

01:29:36.000 They don't look anything like a real car.

01:29:37.000 Too many sponsors are all over it.

01:29:39.000 Even if you have a really nice car that's supposed to be the model that that car is, the NASCAR car looks gross.

01:29:46.000 And the decal, they make fake headlights.

01:29:49.000 It's a sticker of a headlight.

01:29:51.000 Why even put that on there?

01:29:51.000 Yeah, what are you doing?

01:29:53.000 Why are you lying to me?

01:29:54.000 Yeah.

01:29:55.000 Yeah.

01:29:55.000 It's a fascinating piece of equipment, though, that we've decided to make these things that just drive really fast and then hurl them around this circle, this oval, over and over and over again.

01:30:06.000 It's got so high-tech.

01:30:08.000 They count the drafting of it.

01:30:10.000 They know every angle.

01:30:14.000 Back in the day, it was just a couple of good old boys with moonshot trying to outrun the cops.

01:30:19.000 Exactly, yeah.

01:30:20.000 That's what I want to see.

01:30:21.000 That was hot rod in its finest.

01:30:23.000 That's what it was.

01:30:23.000 That's what I want to say.

01:30:24.000 Put Mochon in them cars.

01:30:26.000 Isn't that funny that that's where it all came from?

01:30:28.000 These guys are trying to figure out how to get the fuck away from cops.

01:30:31.000 Cops used to have the shittiest cars, man.

01:30:34.000 You'd think they had to chase people in Caprice Classics.

01:30:39.000 With bench seats.

01:30:41.000 That is the worst car for handling.

01:30:43.000 With dress shoes.

01:30:44.000 Yeah.

01:30:45.000 Oh my god, they make them wear those stupid shoes.

01:30:47.000 Yeah.

01:30:48.000 Give these guys some Nikes, man.

01:30:50.000 That's back in the day.

01:30:51.000 That's like the early days.

01:30:52.000 Yeah, on the beach.

01:30:53.000 Wow.

01:30:53.000 Daytona was on the ocean.

01:30:55.000 Was Daytona 500 the first event?

01:30:58.000 You know, I think so.

01:30:59.000 I think, well, no, I don't know about that.

01:31:01.000 Look at these cars.

01:31:02.000 It was on the sand.

01:31:05.000 Look at that.

01:31:06.000 The first Daytona was on the sand.

01:31:07.000 I believe so.

01:31:08.000 Wow, these are on the sand.

01:31:09.000 Yeah.

01:31:09.000 They're driving on the sand.

01:31:11.000 This is crazy.

01:31:12.000 They're not going as fast.

01:31:13.000 Oh, those cars are so shitty.

01:31:14.000 Is that a convertible?

01:31:15.000 That looks like a Batmobile.

01:31:16.000 They are convertibles.

01:31:17.000 They're convertibles.

01:31:18.000 Wow.

01:31:19.000 That's what I want to see.

01:31:21.000 I'll bring back the name Convertible and NASCAR. I want to see these dudes' faces.

01:31:25.000 I wonder why they made them in convertibles.

01:31:28.000 I don't know.

01:31:29.000 Yeah.

01:31:30.000 Well, that got the roll bar.

01:31:31.000 Yeah, but still.

01:31:32.000 I mean, I bet it gets too hot in there.

01:31:34.000 They probably didn't have air conditioning back then.

01:31:36.000 Right, yeah.

01:31:37.000 That's probably exactly what it was.

01:31:38.000 If it's on fire, it's easier to get out when you don't have a roof.

01:31:41.000 Yeah.

01:31:42.000 Yeah, those people probably died in those things all the time.

01:31:44.000 Those shitty cars.

01:31:46.000 Like, if you were a car racer back then, you were going to crash.

01:31:49.000 There's no way you're going to not.

01:31:51.000 You're not going to keep it together every time.

01:31:53.000 Ugh.

01:31:54.000 What's the fastest you think you've been in a vehicle?

01:31:57.000 I don't want to say because we're on the end.

01:31:59.000 Well, you don't say what country it was in.

01:32:03.000 I don't know.

01:32:04.000 This could be in Germany on the Autobahn.

01:32:06.000 In the 100s.

01:32:07.000 Yeah.

01:32:08.000 There's some...

01:32:10.000 Is that the Chevelle?

01:32:11.000 No.

01:32:13.000 No, that thing.

01:32:14.000 That would have fallen apart.

01:32:15.000 Yeah.

01:32:15.000 Flying off the...

01:32:16.000 The newest cars, though, the problem is they're in this horsepower war where every year they have to have a faster 0-60.

01:32:25.000 And now they've gotten to the point where they're ridiculously fast.

01:32:29.000 Yeah.

01:32:30.000 Like, the cars of today.

01:32:32.000 Like, if you just bought a regular car today, it'd be faster than a muscle car was in the 1970s.

01:32:38.000 Right.

01:32:39.000 And you wouldn't even feel it.

01:32:40.000 Yeah.

01:32:40.000 You wouldn't even notice it.

01:32:40.000 You couldn't even tell you're going that fast.

01:32:42.000 Yeah.

01:32:42.000 Like, if you bought...

01:32:44.000 Like a Honda Accord today.

01:32:47.000 It would probably handle better and drive faster than any supercar from 1970. Right.

01:32:53.000 Yeah.

01:32:53.000 Probably.

01:32:54.000 Fight a gas.

01:32:55.000 Yeah.

01:32:55.000 You can't feel it.

01:32:57.000 Yeah.

01:32:58.000 They're real numb.

01:32:58.000 And way safer.

01:32:59.000 Yeah.

01:33:00.000 It's way more boring.

01:33:01.000 Have you driven a Tesla?

01:33:02.000 No.

01:33:03.000 Just drive that.

01:33:03.000 I would love to, though.

01:33:04.000 Stupid.

01:33:05.000 Isn't electric cars zero to 60 way quicker than gas?

01:33:09.000 You wouldn't even believe it.

01:33:10.000 I mean, it's gotta be, right?

01:33:11.000 Yeah.

01:33:11.000 It's just instant power.

01:33:12.000 Yeah.

01:33:13.000 Instant power, and that one has a four-wheel drive, the Tesla Model S P100D. It's got four-wheel drive, and so it's got an engine in the front and an engine in the rear, and it flies.

01:33:25.000 It violates physics.

01:33:28.000 Do you get like a whiplash in that thing?

01:33:31.000 Like a rollercoaster, dude.

01:33:32.000 You can't believe how fast it's going.

01:33:33.000 It's stupid.

01:33:34.000 And they're making a stupider one.

01:33:36.000 They're making a faster one that goes 0-60 in 1.9 seconds.

01:33:39.000 Good lord.

01:33:39.000 Yeah, it's a Tesla Roadster.

01:33:41.000 It looks dope, too.

01:33:42.000 It looks like a spaceship.

01:33:43.000 I would love to have one.

01:33:45.000 Are you still living in LA? Where are you at now?

01:33:47.000 I moved back to Hickory, North Carolina.

01:33:49.000 Damn, what are you doing now?

01:33:50.000 I was out here 18 years.

01:33:51.000 You just couldn't do it anymore?

01:33:52.000 No.

01:33:53.000 Well, it was a couple things.

01:33:56.000 My career has always been like a roller coaster.

01:33:58.000 Good years, bad years.

01:34:00.000 And I actually just miss my family.

01:34:04.000 I missed out on a lot growing up.

01:34:07.000 And the market was really good.

01:34:08.000 I had this condo in Studio City.

01:34:10.000 I bought it for a certain amount, and then it gained value.

01:34:15.000 And I thought, well, if I'm going to do this, now is the time to pull the trigger.

01:34:18.000 And I think I saw you at the improv one night.

01:34:20.000 I said, I'm out of here.

01:34:21.000 I'm bouncing.

01:34:23.000 We do the road so much, right?

01:34:25.000 Yeah.

01:34:25.000 Well, that's the thing, too.

01:34:26.000 And the industry's changed.

01:34:30.000 I already have a manager and an agent.

01:34:32.000 It's not like I need to be here for every little audition.

01:34:34.000 I'll put myself on tape.

01:34:35.000 I got Eastbound and Down on a tape.

01:34:37.000 I got Harold and Kumar on a tape.

01:34:40.000 The second audition, yeah, you fly up for it, but getting your foot in the door of that tape, anybody can do that now.

01:34:47.000 It's just changed so much.

01:34:48.000 That's if you want to act, and you do so much stand-up on the road, there's really no reason to be here unless you just want to perform at the store all the time.

01:34:55.000 That's right.

01:34:56.000 Yeah.

01:34:57.000 And I moved back to Hickory, and I was going to get myself a nice lake house in Lake Hickory.

01:35:02.000 Yep.

01:35:03.000 Still want to do that, but then as soon as I get home, you know, Thanksgiving, Dad has a stroke.

01:35:08.000 So I see that happen.

01:35:10.000 Oh, man.

01:35:10.000 You ever seen someone have a stroke?

01:35:12.000 No, you were there when it happened.

01:35:13.000 I was looking right at him, and it was weird.

01:35:16.000 Because my dad's a funny guy.

01:35:18.000 I thought maybe, because we were going to eat Thanksgiving dinner late.

01:35:23.000 It was like a 6 p.m.

01:35:24.000 thing we were doing to get other people in the house.

01:35:27.000 And so he was complaining all day about not eating.

01:35:30.000 Like, I'm hungry.

01:35:31.000 When are we going to eat?

01:35:32.000 I'm looking around at him.

01:35:33.000 He's sitting next to the fireplace.

01:35:35.000 And he's just like...

01:35:39.000 Nosedives, but just head first right onto the hardwood floor, and it was like, boom, you hear like a thump.

01:35:44.000 I was like, ah, dad's making a joke.

01:35:47.000 We haven't eaten yet.

01:35:48.000 It's, you know, he's making a thing about like a little blood sugar or something.

01:35:51.000 And I was kind of laughing, and my brother's like, no, he hit really hard.

01:35:55.000 His head hit that floor way too hard for that to be a joke.

01:35:58.000 And then you walk over to him, and Arms curling up, one eye's going like that, and it's like, this is a stroke.

01:36:06.000 And we called 911. They came pretty quick, but he suffered some serious brain damage right here.

01:36:11.000 And so he's paralyzed on his left side now.

01:36:14.000 But I was, in a weird way, happy that I was at home when this happened because How we're still out here and that shit happen, I'd be hating life.

01:36:25.000 But the fact that I'm there and able to help mom out, going through all this whole thing.

01:36:31.000 Because she's got glaucoma and she's got brittle bones.

01:36:34.000 She can't physically lift him up and do stuff.

01:36:37.000 And the fact that we were in the house and able to help...

01:36:41.000 It's crazy.

01:36:42.000 I didn't see the drooping of the face.

01:36:45.000 I didn't see that happen, you know.

01:36:47.000 That's what people say when you see a stroke.

01:36:48.000 You see, like, the drooping happens.

01:36:50.000 Yeah, like that fat chick in Total Recall, you know.

01:36:53.000 Two weeks!

01:36:55.000 That scene where her head explodes.

01:36:57.000 Get ready for our surprise!

01:37:00.000 I thought that was what it was, but...

01:37:03.000 No, he just hit the floor.

01:37:05.000 So have you toured at all since that, or have you just been...

01:37:08.000 Small, just places I can...

01:37:09.000 I didn't take on extra gigs, but I didn't cancel the ones I had.

01:37:13.000 So the ones that I could drive to, definitely, I was just, well, let me go...

01:37:18.000 I have a brother who's there as well.

01:37:21.000 So...

01:37:21.000 But I definitely didn't take on anything for, you know, since Thanksgiving that it wasn't already there.

01:37:27.000 So...

01:37:30.000 Yeah.

01:37:30.000 But he's at a skilled nursing facility now.

01:37:33.000 And they showed us the X-ray, you know, the MRI of the brain damage that happened.

01:37:37.000 He had a colloid artery.

01:37:39.000 Now he keeps getting UTI infections because he has a catheter.

01:37:44.000 Because it also, it doesn't just fuck with your muscles.

01:37:47.000 It's the organs on that side, too.

01:37:49.000 So his bladder's got to relearn how to operate.

01:37:52.000 So he's got a catheter, you know, and that just opens you up for UTI infections a lot.

01:37:58.000 And those, I don't know if you know, they're like UTI infections when you're older.

01:38:01.000 Like, it really devastates you because you hallucinate.

01:38:05.000 So you see shit.

01:38:06.000 Oh, no.

01:38:07.000 Yeah.

01:38:07.000 And it's weird being in there and, you know, he was like, hey, make sure that bear's not out there.

01:38:12.000 Like, a bear.

01:38:13.000 Like, he keeps hearing or think there's a bear outside the window.

01:38:17.000 So, yeah.

01:38:19.000 I was happy to be back home for that.

01:38:21.000 But, yeah.

01:38:22.000 Are there bears where you live?

01:38:23.000 No, not the skilled nursing facility.

01:38:27.000 I mean, there might be some twinks.

01:38:29.000 Yeah, no bears.

01:38:32.000 Are you allowed to say twink?

01:38:34.000 No!

01:38:34.000 I was trying to make a joke!

01:38:35.000 He used to be able to just make a joke about that.

01:38:37.000 Now it's dangerous.

01:38:39.000 Yes!

01:38:40.000 Yeah.

01:38:40.000 No, but, yeah.

01:38:42.000 Hoping for the best.

01:38:43.000 Still going through rehab, occupational therapy, physical therapy.

01:38:46.000 Do they think that he'll be able to recover some function on his left side?

01:38:49.000 I think, you know, they always want to dangle a little bit of light of hope at the end of the chart.

01:38:55.000 Oh, Jesus!

01:38:56.000 I'm panicking.

01:38:57.000 But, you know, some people recover quickly.

01:39:00.000 Some people not at all.

01:39:02.000 Some people three years later can recover.

01:39:04.000 You need a, here you go.

01:39:05.000 Yeah.

01:39:06.000 Three years later can recover.

01:39:07.000 Yeah, I mean, you know, so we're just still, we're still doing all of it.

01:39:10.000 Dude, John Singleton just died from a stroke.

01:39:12.000 That's right.

01:39:13.000 Do you believe that shit?

01:39:13.000 Yeah, and he was what, 51?

01:39:14.000 51. Yeah, it could happen to anybody at any age.

01:39:18.000 Luke Perry, same thing, 51 stroke.

01:39:20.000 That's right.

01:39:20.000 Yeah.

01:39:21.000 Crazy.

01:39:22.000 A lot of strokes are happening.

01:39:23.000 Fuck, man.

01:39:24.000 I wonder if those folks smoked cigarettes.

01:39:26.000 Well, my dad definitely did.

01:39:27.000 Yeah.

01:39:28.000 Yeah.

01:39:28.000 They say that cigarettes contribute pretty heavily to strokes.

01:39:31.000 He used to smoke a lot when he was younger and then quit when he was in his late 40s.

01:39:38.000 Yeah.

01:39:39.000 But that was a lot.

01:39:40.000 Back then when you'd smoke at 12 years old or something.

01:39:43.000 Yeah.

01:39:44.000 A whole pack.

01:39:45.000 I don't know if Singleton smoked, but I do know Luke Perry did.

01:39:48.000 Yeah.

01:39:49.000 Yeah, and this woman that I talked to who was a neurologist was telling me that that's a significant factor.

01:39:55.000 It raises your chances of stroke pretty significantly.

01:39:58.000 Yeah.

01:39:59.000 So, I'm back in Hickory.

01:40:01.000 My idea is to come out here, you know, for pilot season.

01:40:05.000 Keep doing it.

01:40:06.000 Right.

01:40:06.000 Yeah.

01:40:06.000 Right.

01:40:07.000 And then hit the store.

01:40:08.000 I was there last night.

01:40:09.000 It was fun.

01:40:09.000 Yeah, it was good seeing you, man.

01:40:10.000 Yeah, you too, man.

01:40:11.000 Doing the roast battle.

01:40:12.000 That's out of my comfort zone, too.

01:40:13.000 Oh, it's so mean.

01:40:15.000 It is.

01:40:15.000 That's not me.

01:40:16.000 I don't know.

01:40:17.000 I couldn't.

01:40:17.000 No.

01:40:18.000 I know.

01:40:18.000 You're a nice guy.

01:40:19.000 But I'm like, okay.

01:40:21.000 You guys should shake hands.

01:40:22.000 I'm glad they hug at the end.

01:40:23.000 I'm glad they hug too.

01:40:25.000 Well, Brian Moses, the host of it, is awesome.

01:40:27.000 Yeah, he's good.

01:40:27.000 He's such a nice guy that when he does that show, it seems like it's okay.

01:40:32.000 Yeah.

01:40:32.000 Because he's so nice and he's so funny too.

01:40:35.000 Yeah.

01:40:35.000 Like him hosting it, it makes it seem like it's okay.

01:40:38.000 And Jeff Ross being there and sort of like letting everybody know kind of what the rules kind of are, you know?

01:40:44.000 Yeah.

01:40:45.000 Jeff's an interesting cat, right?

01:40:47.000 He's really created...

01:40:49.000 Roasting is...

01:40:50.000 It's come back.

01:40:52.000 He's carved out that whole niche.

01:40:54.000 It's all him.

01:40:55.000 It's all him now.

01:40:55.000 But it really is.

01:40:57.000 There was so little roasting going on before Jeff Ross.

01:41:00.000 Roasting was a thing of the past.

01:41:02.000 It was an old Friars Club type deal.

01:41:03.000 Yeah, it was like old Jerry Lewis, Dean Martin, that kind of stuff, you know?

01:41:06.000 It's kind of amazing.

01:41:07.000 Those were good, too, though.

01:41:09.000 Yeah, they were great.

01:41:10.000 I like those.

01:41:11.000 Those guys are so mean to each other, but they were all friends.

01:41:13.000 And they were laughing.

01:41:14.000 Yeah.

01:41:15.000 While it's happening.

01:41:16.000 That's also the difference, too.

01:41:17.000 It's like those roasts, there weren't that many of them, and they were friends.

01:41:21.000 Like, legitimately friends.

01:41:22.000 Mm-hmm.

01:41:23.000 That's the thing.

01:41:24.000 Yeah.

01:41:25.000 They already were friends.

01:41:26.000 Yeah.

01:41:27.000 A lot of these roasts now, it's like, who am I doing?

01:41:29.000 Right.

01:41:29.000 Who?

01:41:30.000 Right.

01:41:30.000 And I'm going to come out swinging?

01:41:31.000 Yep.

01:41:32.000 Mean.

01:41:33.000 Yeah.

01:41:33.000 Mean.

01:41:34.000 I feel like I've got to get to know you before I can really bust your balls.

01:41:37.000 Otherwise, I'm just being a dick.

01:41:39.000 Exactly.

01:41:40.000 But it is just being a dick.

01:41:41.000 Yeah, it is.

01:41:41.000 But it's really clever.

01:41:43.000 Yeah, it is.

01:41:44.000 Being a dick in a clever way.

01:41:45.000 I enjoy it from afar.

01:41:46.000 Yes, me too.

01:41:47.000 But I think it's a great showcase for joke writing.

01:41:51.000 100%.

01:41:51.000 Yeah.

01:41:52.000 Really good for that.

01:41:53.000 The best ones are the quickest right to the joke.

01:41:56.000 Brutal.

01:41:57.000 This guy last night had pulled out a laptop and was trying to do some voice created, like, you know, Stephen Hawking voice or something.

01:42:08.000 And I'm like, this is taking too long.

01:42:11.000 It's not working.

01:42:12.000 The next guy had like, it was like four words, pam, pam, pam.

01:42:17.000 Yeah.

01:42:18.000 That's a skill I wish I had.

01:42:19.000 See, I'm like, I get up there, I'm a goofball, I tell stories, I'm animated, I move around, but I envy those guys who can go, ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom.

01:42:30.000 I wish I had that skill.

01:42:31.000 You could develop that skill.

01:42:33.000 And I have gotten better at it over the years.

01:42:36.000 But you have a style.

01:42:37.000 You have your own John Reap style.

01:42:39.000 Right.

01:42:40.000 And people like your style.

01:42:41.000 That's true.

01:42:42.000 They would be mad.

01:42:43.000 Like, hey man, why are you doing that?

01:42:44.000 What's this?

01:42:45.000 Who's this guy?

01:42:47.000 I like the guy who tells the great stories.

01:42:48.000 Is he doing an impression of a comedian?

01:42:52.000 Yeah.

01:42:52.000 Do you remember, like, when you first started out, there was, like, a way you thought you had to be?

01:42:56.000 Yeah.

01:42:57.000 You know?

01:42:58.000 Did you do anything, like, cringy that you look back on now?

01:43:01.000 And you go, what was I doing back then?

01:43:04.000 Yeah.

01:43:04.000 I mean, I used to come out, like, I used to dance a lot.

01:43:10.000 I was the Hickory dance machine.

01:43:12.000 The Hickory Dance Machine?

01:43:14.000 I would come out dancing.

01:43:16.000 Really?

01:43:17.000 And the crowd's like, okay, a lot of energy here.

01:43:20.000 What kind of music?

01:43:20.000 Whatever was popular, you know.

01:43:22.000 Something from Jock Jams Volume 2. You know, snap, I got the power.

01:43:30.000 Oh, I got the power.

01:43:31.000 It's getting kind of hectic.

01:43:33.000 Really?

01:43:34.000 So I come out dancing.

01:43:35.000 I made up stupid little...

01:43:36.000 I do a shovel dance, a rake dance, a mop dance.

01:43:39.000 And then I would stop and do comedy.

01:43:42.000 And then I would get bored with myself.

01:43:44.000 And then I'd dance again in the middle.

01:43:46.000 This is what I was featuring.

01:43:48.000 And then I would dance again at the end.

01:43:49.000 Hickory Dance Machine.

01:43:50.000 My favorite one, though.

01:43:52.000 I'm actually proud of this dance.

01:43:54.000 It was any guy washing women's laundry in the 1800s dance.

01:43:58.000 It's a very specific dance.

01:44:01.000 A guy, look at you.

01:44:02.000 Oh, turn it off!

01:44:04.000 That's it!

01:44:05.000 So he smells it.

01:44:06.000 Oh, that's before the beard.

01:44:07.000 Look at those chins.

01:44:08.000 Look at that baby face.

01:44:10.000 How old were you back then?

01:44:12.000 Oh, this was a week ago, I think.

01:44:14.000 Look at you dancing.

01:44:15.000 This is like, I'm not sure how long ago.

01:44:18.000 It looks like you're in Russia.

01:44:20.000 That's in a theater right outside of Hickory, a place in Lenore.

01:44:25.000 Oh, like 700 people.

01:44:26.000 Wow.

01:44:27.000 Yeah.

01:44:27.000 Yeah, out of shape right there.

01:44:29.000 Where did you first start doing stand-up?

01:44:31.000 In Raleigh, North Carolina.

01:44:32.000 Charlie Good Nights.

01:44:33.000 That's a great spot.

01:44:34.000 It's one of the...

01:44:35.000 People love it.

01:44:35.000 It's like one of the best clubs on the East Coast, they used to say.

01:44:38.000 Yeah, it is.

01:44:38.000 Didn't somebody buy that place?

01:44:40.000 Yeah.

01:44:40.000 Well, Brad...

01:44:41.000 It was Tommy Williams Forever.

01:44:43.000 Then he sold it to Brad Reeder.

01:44:44.000 Brad Reeder sold it to the guys that own Helium.

01:44:51.000 Philadelphia and Portland, that club chain.

01:44:54.000 So now they own it.

01:44:55.000 It's just called Good Nights now.

01:44:56.000 They took the Charlie off of it.

01:44:58.000 Still a great club.

01:44:59.000 I don't know.

01:45:00.000 Charlie Goodnight was some cowboy.

01:45:02.000 I think maybe they didn't like that.

01:45:03.000 What's wrong with Charlie?

01:45:04.000 Charlie's great.

01:45:06.000 But you've played there before.

01:45:08.000 Yeah, a bunch of times.

01:45:09.000 It's hard not to do great in that club.

01:45:11.000 And it also can kind of ruin you in a weird way if you start out at a club where everyone kills all the time.

01:45:19.000 Because you're thinking, okay, I got this.

01:45:22.000 It's been a week.

01:45:23.000 I've nailed it.

01:45:25.000 Come on, world!

01:45:26.000 What do you got?

01:45:26.000 And then you go to some other little shitty one-nighter.

01:45:29.000 It's like, no.

01:45:30.000 No, you can't dance here.

01:45:32.000 That's interesting.

01:45:34.000 Like, what do you think made it so good?

01:45:35.000 Was it the dimensions of the room?

01:45:37.000 Was it the crowd?

01:45:38.000 Yeah.

01:45:39.000 Because of the town?

01:45:40.000 I think it was.

01:45:40.000 The town's a cool town.

01:45:41.000 Yeah, town's great.

01:45:42.000 It's a college town.

01:45:43.000 Yeah.

01:45:44.000 It's also the capital.

01:45:46.000 Yeah.

01:45:46.000 So you get a mix of like, you know, your politicians, your college professors, your students, and right outside of it's the rest of the world.

01:45:53.000 So it's a mix of everything.

01:45:56.000 And it's really close to campus, too.

01:45:58.000 So I don't know.

01:46:00.000 I think it's...

01:46:02.000 That club was good at what they did.

01:46:05.000 You go to a one-nighter and it's a bar.

01:46:08.000 I remember the first time I did a gig outside of a comedy club where it was just a bar.

01:46:12.000 It was a pool hall that had a comedy night.

01:46:15.000 And I went there on a Wednesday.

01:46:17.000 And me and this other guy walk in.

01:46:18.000 We're the comedians.

01:46:19.000 And we're like, oh yeah, so we're here for the show.

01:46:22.000 The comedians are like, oh shit, that's tonight, huh?

01:46:26.000 Fuck.

01:46:27.000 All right.

01:46:28.000 Johnny, go get that amplifier.

01:46:30.000 So it's like there's...

01:46:30.000 I'm like, are you kidding me?

01:46:32.000 And then you have to tell people to stop playing pool so you can tell your jokes.

01:46:36.000 Right away, people hate you.

01:46:38.000 Oh, you can't get people to stop playing pool.

01:46:40.000 I'm going to go back to good nights.

01:46:42.000 Oh, wow.

01:46:43.000 So that was your first venture?

01:46:45.000 First one outside of a club was like a one-nighter pool hall.

01:46:48.000 Wow.

01:46:49.000 Yeah.

01:46:49.000 That's a rough first one-nighter.

01:46:51.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:46:53.000 Luckily, I only had to do like 10 minutes, but that 10 minutes seemed like an hour.

01:46:58.000 Charlie Goodnights also was a club that had been around for so long.

01:47:01.000 It had such a history.

01:47:03.000 Yeah.

01:47:03.000 Because there's so many comics that come through there.

01:47:06.000 Everybody came through there.

01:47:07.000 Yeah.

01:47:07.000 Everybody I know.

01:47:08.000 Everybody came through there.

01:47:09.000 Everybody.

01:47:10.000 So the people that lived in that town, they were used to good comedy.

01:47:13.000 That's right.

01:47:13.000 They got great comedy every week.

01:47:15.000 Yep.

01:47:15.000 And the 80s was the heyday.

01:47:18.000 You know what else is like that?

01:47:19.000 Zany's in Nashville.

01:47:20.000 That's my favorite comedy.

01:47:22.000 That's a fucking great spot, man.

01:47:23.000 That's my favorite one.

01:47:24.000 It's a fucking great spot.

01:47:26.000 Zany's.

01:47:26.000 God.

01:47:27.000 That place is the shit.

01:47:28.000 Yep.

01:47:29.000 I've been going there for years.

01:47:31.000 There's a lot of dead people on those walls.

01:47:33.000 Probably.

01:47:34.000 Yeah, there is.

01:47:35.000 There's 8x10s?

01:47:35.000 Yeah.

01:47:36.000 There's 8x10s of comics.

01:47:37.000 Many of them are dead.

01:47:38.000 There's a guy named Brian Kiley.

01:47:41.000 I know Brian Kiley.

01:47:42.000 This is a different one.

01:47:43.000 Oh.

01:47:44.000 I know the one you're thinking of.

01:47:45.000 The guy from Boston.

01:47:45.000 Yeah.

01:47:46.000 This is a different one.

01:47:47.000 Same name.

01:47:49.000 But he started in Nashville.

01:47:52.000 He's a big, big, big guy, right?

01:47:54.000 Probably weighed like 500, 600 pounds.

01:47:57.000 You know, he's a polite guy.

01:47:58.000 He said, hey, I'd love to open for you and, you know, do the road and all that stuff.

01:48:01.000 I said, sure, just show up at these gigs and you want to go up?

01:48:03.000 I'll let you out.

01:48:04.000 I don't care.

01:48:04.000 And so it got to be a thing, you know.

01:48:07.000 He did a gig for me right outside my hometown.

01:48:10.000 And then that night he goes, well, I'm just going to drive back to Raleigh tonight.

01:48:15.000 It's like a three-hour drive, and he died on the way there.

01:48:20.000 Some drunk driver hit him, and he flipped his car, and he didn't have his seatbelt on because he didn't have the extender.

01:48:27.000 He couldn't physically put it on.

01:48:29.000 And so no matter how big you are, if you're flipping that car, you're going out the window.

01:48:33.000 And so it killed him, and his headshot hangs right there above that door.

01:48:38.000 And so that's one of many people on that wall that is no longer with us.

01:48:43.000 A lot of comedians are dying.

01:48:47.000 Yeah.

01:48:47.000 When do you think that Zany's was started?

01:48:50.000 I want to say in the 70s.

01:48:52.000 Probably.

01:48:53.000 There it is.

01:48:54.000 I think they started in Chicago.

01:48:56.000 Zany's Chicago.

01:48:58.000 That's the Chicago one, right?

01:49:01.000 That looks like, yeah.

01:49:05.000 That's a weird angle.

01:49:06.000 That's a lens.

01:49:08.000 That one's not as great to me because it's long and boxy.

01:49:12.000 And the further you get back to the bar area, the more chances you have to lose them back there.

01:49:17.000 Yeah, but it's still only 150 seats.

01:49:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:49:20.000 It's tiny.

01:49:21.000 Shit.

01:49:21.000 But I see what you're saying.

01:49:23.000 Nashville's perfect.

01:49:23.000 You get the flanks.

01:49:24.000 It has a balcony right there at the top.

01:49:28.000 Shout out to the Dorfmans.

01:49:29.000 And everybody just has a good time at Zaney's, man.

01:49:31.000 It's a great club.

01:49:33.000 It's my favorite one.

01:49:33.000 And then the second favorite would be...

01:49:36.000 Denver.

01:49:37.000 I was bummed out when they lost.

01:49:38.000 Denver's fantastic.

01:49:39.000 But I was bummed out when they lost the punchline in Atlanta.

01:49:42.000 That was another one.

01:49:43.000 That was another one, man.

01:49:45.000 They lost that one to a parking issue.

01:49:47.000 Is that what it was?

01:49:48.000 Yeah.

01:49:49.000 That one, it was shaped like a barn.

01:49:51.000 Perfect.

01:49:51.000 Yep.

01:49:52.000 It had a small balcony, but they just packed people on top of each other.

01:49:57.000 Yeah.

01:49:57.000 So you didn't have room to be, you know, on your phone or talking.

01:50:01.000 It was like, you're right on top of people.

01:50:04.000 You had to walk through the crowd to get to the stage.

01:50:07.000 Unless you hung out in that one weird green room the whole time.

01:50:09.000 Yeah.

01:50:10.000 But there's no bathroom.

01:50:11.000 That one weird green room.

01:50:12.000 Yeah.

01:50:13.000 I like that spot.

01:50:14.000 And then it had that sign on the back wall that said, quit trying to be Hicks.

01:50:18.000 Yeah.

01:50:19.000 Because there was all sorts of writing on the wall.

01:50:21.000 Which is weird in Atlanta because we're all kind of Hicks.

01:50:23.000 Yeah.

01:50:25.000 I love parks!

01:50:26.000 Boom, boom, boom.

01:50:28.000 Remember there was an upstairs area, too, where you could look down?

01:50:31.000 Like, there was limited seating.

01:50:32.000 Small little balcony where the DJ was up there or whatever.

01:50:35.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:50:36.000 And you had, like, that's where their office was.

01:50:37.000 And they had, like, it's like the heckle.

01:50:40.000 Maybe, like, five people could sit up there.

01:50:42.000 I did a good practical joke at that place one time.

01:50:45.000 There's this comedian named James Sibley.

01:50:47.000 Great guy.

01:50:48.000 Very funny.

01:50:48.000 Southern dude.

01:50:50.000 Uh...

01:50:51.000 We were sharing a condo somewhere, I think in Myrtle Beach.

01:50:54.000 And as a joke, I thought it'd be funny when he's leaving to put a condom wrapper in his bag.

01:51:03.000 Yeah.

01:51:04.000 And I go, ha ha!

01:51:06.000 Not tell him.

01:51:08.000 You're so pissed.

01:51:10.000 So I did that, right?

01:51:12.000 Did this happen to you?

01:51:14.000 No.

01:51:14.000 So he goes away.

01:51:16.000 I don't see him for a year or two.

01:51:18.000 Maybe three.

01:51:19.000 He's divorced now.

01:51:21.000 Well, the first thing he did, this is Atlanta Punchline, he walked up to me, he's like, you motherfucker, you know what you did to me?

01:51:26.000 You got me divorced.

01:51:27.000 Like, it was this long thing.

01:51:28.000 I was like, dude, I am so sorry.

01:51:30.000 It was stupid.

01:51:30.000 It was just dumb.

01:51:31.000 I wasn't even planned out.

01:51:33.000 It was sitting right there.

01:51:34.000 I just threw it in there.

01:51:35.000 Ha ha.

01:51:35.000 Maybe he'll find it as he's packing to go home.

01:51:37.000 I didn't think this out, you know?

01:51:40.000 Right.

01:51:40.000 So I felt really bad about it.

01:51:41.000 He goes, I'm going to get you back.

01:51:43.000 And I'm like, okay.

01:51:44.000 And that stupid green room they have in that corner at the punchline, right?

01:51:48.000 Where you're sitting in there.

01:51:49.000 There's no access to a bathroom.

01:51:51.000 If you just poke your head out, everybody can see you.

01:51:53.000 Like, who's in there?

01:51:54.000 What's going on?

01:51:55.000 So I'm sitting in there.

01:51:57.000 He goes, all right, here's what I'm going to do.

01:51:59.000 When you go on stage, because he was opening for me, I'm going to put mustard all over the doorknobs in here, okay?

01:52:05.000 And you're going to be in such a hurry to get out of there and go back to your stupid merch table that you're not even going to remember that I told you there's mustard all over this doorknob, and you're just going to grab mustard on your head.

01:52:15.000 It wasn't as good as me getting him with a condom, obviously, but he was right.

01:52:20.000 Like, I go on stage.

01:52:22.000 He told you he was going to do it.

01:52:23.000 He told me he was going to do it.

01:52:24.000 I said, uh, cat's out of the bag, James.

01:52:26.000 Not going to happen.

01:52:28.000 And of course, I grabbed it right away.

01:52:29.000 I was like, okay.

01:52:30.000 Are you still close with him?

01:52:31.000 Do you know him?

01:52:31.000 Yeah.

01:52:32.000 Well, not as close as I can be, but we're good.

01:52:35.000 We're fine.

01:52:35.000 Did you have to talk to his wife?

01:52:37.000 No.

01:52:37.000 He's got a new wife now, but not because of me.

01:52:39.000 I wonder if it was.

01:52:40.000 It was the first step.

01:52:41.000 Maybe so.

01:52:42.000 Could have been the first name.

01:52:44.000 That's right.

01:52:45.000 You're welcome, new wife.

01:52:47.000 The glass is half full.

01:52:48.000 That's right.

01:52:49.000 Okay?

01:52:49.000 Settle the fuck down, everybody.

01:52:51.000 Yeah, you're welcome, new wife.

01:52:52.000 Maybe that was like God's plan.

01:52:54.000 That's right.

01:52:55.000 In a weird way, I was like God.

01:52:56.000 Come on, man.

01:52:57.000 In a lot of ways.

01:52:59.000 What if God was one of us?

01:53:00.000 He is.

01:53:01.000 It's me.

01:53:01.000 Isn't that a song?

01:53:02.000 Yes, it is.

01:53:03.000 Who sang that song?

01:53:04.000 Jane Osborne, I think.

01:53:06.000 Yeah.

01:53:06.000 You know what's really funny?

01:53:07.000 Am I right?

01:53:08.000 Yeah.

01:53:09.000 Joan Osborne.

01:53:10.000 Joan Osborne.

01:53:11.000 Pretty close.

01:53:12.000 Are you not impressed with the speed of that?

01:53:13.000 That was very quick.

01:53:14.000 Thank you.

01:53:14.000 Like a DJ from the 90s.

01:53:17.000 Junk jams.

01:53:19.000 Yeah, whatever happened to that lady?

01:53:20.000 That was a good song.

01:53:21.000 Yeah, she had her nose pierced.

01:53:24.000 She had beautiful curly hair.

01:53:25.000 She just said, listen, this is not for me.

01:53:27.000 I'd rather be in a hippie commune somewhere doing yoga every day.

01:53:30.000 I wonder what she...

01:53:31.000 Maybe she is doing that.

01:53:32.000 Probably.

01:53:33.000 What, is she still out there?

01:53:34.000 She's still out there.

01:53:34.000 Still hustling?

01:53:35.000 Still out there?

01:53:35.000 Still making it?

01:53:35.000 Every day I'm hustling.

01:53:37.000 Eric Ross.

01:53:38.000 I love that one.

01:53:40.000 That's on my playlist of working out when I get on the treadmill.

01:53:43.000 Every day I'm hustling?

01:53:43.000 Yeah.

01:53:44.000 That one gets me going.

01:53:46.000 I swear to God, it does.

01:53:47.000 Cat Williams started it, though.

01:53:49.000 When I saw Cat Williams do his bit about you could have any stupid job, and if you hear that song, you do the best you can at it.

01:53:56.000 It was a great bit.

01:53:58.000 And that's the first time I heard the song.

01:54:00.000 I go, I like that.

01:54:01.000 Yeah, I'm hustling up here on the treadmill.

01:54:04.000 Cat Williams has some all-time great bits.

01:54:06.000 Yeah.

01:54:06.000 Especially the earlier stuff, all that Pimp Chronicles stuff.

01:54:09.000 He does.

01:54:10.000 He's a murderer, man.

01:54:10.000 Yeah.

01:54:11.000 Shit's fantastic.

01:54:12.000 Murdering.

01:54:13.000 It's so funny.

01:54:14.000 When he was coming up, right when he was starting to blow up, his stuff was so good.

01:54:18.000 Yeah.

01:54:18.000 It was so good.

01:54:20.000 The way that he talks.

01:54:21.000 Excited, too, and animated.

01:54:23.000 It was really fun, man.

01:54:25.000 Fun shit.

01:54:26.000 Great comic.

01:54:27.000 So there's Rick Ross on my playlist.

01:54:29.000 And then I also do a soundtrack from Flash Gordon, Queen.

01:54:34.000 You know?

01:54:35.000 You're the best.

01:54:36.000 No, that's Karate Kid.

01:54:37.000 You have that one in your soundtrack?

01:54:39.000 That was on there, too.

01:54:39.000 You're the best around.

01:54:41.000 Rocky, obviously.

01:54:43.000 I go with movies that kind of inspired me when I was a kid and get that soundtrack.

01:54:47.000 I see.

01:54:47.000 And then I get on that elliptical machine, and now I'm doing the elliptical for the universe like Flash Gordon.

01:54:53.000 You're letting motherfuckers know.

01:54:54.000 I'm saving the planet.

01:54:55.000 Did you ever watch the old Flash Gordon from the 1950s?

01:54:58.000 No.

01:54:59.000 The first one I saw was the shitty one in the 80s.

01:55:03.000 I was on a plane, not really recently, I guess more like a couple years ago, and they had one of those video catalogs where you could just watch stuff.

01:55:12.000 I think it was an international flight.

01:55:13.000 And it had old TV shows, and it had Flash Gordon.

01:55:18.000 I watched a bunch of episodes of Flash Gordon.

01:55:21.000 It was wild, man.

01:55:23.000 It was weird.

01:55:23.000 It's weird to watch.

01:55:25.000 Yeah.

01:55:25.000 It's weird to watch what people thought space was going to be like and aliens.

01:55:29.000 It's so strange.

01:55:30.000 Yeah.

01:55:31.000 I mean, I think Flash Gordon was probably from the 50s, right?

01:55:34.000 It was a comic book, wasn't it?

01:55:35.000 Yes.

01:55:35.000 It was originally a comic book.

01:55:37.000 See if you can pull up video of...

01:55:39.000 They need to remake that video.

01:55:41.000 I found photos of the green room in the punchline.

01:55:43.000 I was looking for that Hicks line.

01:55:44.000 Oh, we've showed that before.

01:55:47.000 I wish they would remake Flash Gordon and make it a comedy, but keep the soundtrack, because it's Queen.

01:55:52.000 Bohemian Rhapsody's huge.

01:55:54.000 Queen's huge right now.

01:55:55.000 Keep the exact same soundtrack.

01:55:57.000 Make Flash Gordon a comedy.

01:55:59.000 Jack Black, get the...

01:56:00.000 Well, you're thinking of Flash Gordon the movie now.

01:56:02.000 Yeah, the movie.

01:56:03.000 That's way, way, way, way.

01:56:05.000 There's the original Flash Gordon.

01:56:07.000 With Ming the Merciless.

01:56:08.000 Ming the Merciless.

01:56:09.000 Look at him.

01:56:12.000 How weird does he look?

01:56:14.000 Look at Flash.

01:56:15.000 That's what they thought.

01:56:16.000 People were going to be wearing weird neck collars in the future and belt buckles.

01:56:20.000 It's such a strange look, man.

01:56:22.000 Just a lightning bolt on your chest?

01:56:24.000 Pull up a video of it so you can watch a video because it's so weird to watch.

01:56:29.000 What year did it say?

01:56:31.000 56?

01:56:31.000 54 to 55. Wow.

01:56:33.000 Ming the Merciless.

01:56:35.000 It's so...

01:56:36.000 This is where he like...

01:56:37.000 It's so shitty.

01:56:39.000 Like the special effects were so bad.

01:56:41.000 Oh, this is not even the movie, this is the...

01:56:43.000 I know.

01:56:45.000 But I mean, I'm saying.

01:56:46.000 The Claim Jumpers.

01:56:47.000 Steve Holland as Flash Gordon.

01:56:49.000 Irene Champlin.

01:56:51.000 Dale Arden.

01:56:52.000 Look, she's hot.

01:56:53.000 She's hot in a real way.

01:56:54.000 Yeah.

01:56:55.000 There was no faking it back then.

01:56:58.000 Dr. Zarkov.

01:56:59.000 So, yeah, same character.

01:57:00.000 I've not seen this, though.

01:57:01.000 So this was a whole TV show.

01:57:03.000 Yeah, man.

01:57:04.000 How many episodes do you think they made?

01:57:06.000 If I had a guess, I bet they made 50 or something like that.

01:57:09.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:57:10.000 She's hot.

01:57:10.000 Look at that shirt.

01:57:11.000 She is hot.

01:57:13.000 Look at that gun!

01:57:14.000 It looks like a drill!

01:57:15.000 Yeah, I know.

01:57:16.000 She's holding a drill!

01:57:18.000 Women back then all had flat butts, unless they did gymnastics.

01:57:21.000 That's right.

01:57:22.000 Unless they're some freak of nature accident.

01:57:24.000 Uh-huh.

01:57:25.000 That is some sort of weird dildo.

01:57:28.000 That's so stupid looking.

01:57:30.000 That's a jackhammer.

01:57:31.000 You know what that looks like, Jamie?

01:57:32.000 A handheld jackhammer.

01:57:33.000 It looks like that Tim Tam, that Theragun.

01:57:35.000 That's what it looks like right there.

01:57:38.000 What is that?

01:57:39.000 This thing.

01:57:40.000 What does that do?

01:57:41.000 It's for massage.

01:57:43.000 Oh, shit.

01:57:44.000 It hurts.

01:57:45.000 It hurts.

01:57:48.000 May I? Yes.

01:57:50.000 You probably shouldn't do it right in front of the microphone like I did.

01:57:53.000 It's great.

01:57:54.000 It doesn't hurt.

01:57:55.000 It's real good for loosening up muscles.

01:57:57.000 There you go, bro.

01:57:59.000 That's what they had.

01:58:00.000 Good lord.

01:58:01.000 Yeah, that's their weapon.

01:58:02.000 I'm going to punch you in the face real fast.

01:58:05.000 It's always weird seeing what people thought the future was going to be like once the future already hits.

01:58:09.000 Because if you think of that movie Alien...

01:58:12.000 Didn't we figure that out?

01:58:14.000 It was like 2015 or something like that.

01:58:16.000 They thought the first one was in 2000. Oh, yeah.

01:58:19.000 Yeah, like the future was 2015. Yeah, it was something along those lines.

01:58:25.000 Yeah, it is weird now.

01:58:26.000 Well, Back to the Future is classic.

01:58:28.000 Their future was...

01:58:30.000 What was it?

01:58:31.000 What was the future?

01:58:32.000 Because it happened in 1985. And they went to...

01:58:35.000 And the second one they went to the future.

01:58:37.000 But it was like 2000. It wasn't that far.

01:58:39.000 No, it was like 2015 or something.

01:58:41.000 Right.

01:58:41.000 Yeah, something like that.

01:58:42.000 Where Biff was the billionaire now.

01:58:44.000 Yeah.

01:58:44.000 Because he took that stupid sports almanac and bet on a bunch of shit.

01:58:47.000 I watched that a couple of years ago at a movie theater in Bozeman, Montana with my family.

01:58:52.000 They had like a Back to the Future night where they were playing it.

01:58:54.000 It's a great movie.

01:58:54.000 You know, they play an old classic movie.

01:58:55.000 It's fucking great.

01:58:56.000 That one holds up.

01:58:57.000 It's so good.

01:58:58.000 It's especially cool to see an old movie in a movie theater.

01:59:02.000 Like, I know they do those sometimes at certain movie theaters.

01:59:04.000 They'll have like, they'll screen an old movie.

01:59:06.000 Yeah.

01:59:07.000 I went to the Hollywood Bowl and watched Back to the Future, and they had an orchestra playing live.

01:59:15.000 The soundtrack, you know, during the movie, as it's happening, and you kind of forget that that shit's happening right now.

01:59:22.000 Yeah, we do that every year.

01:59:23.000 We go to see The Nightmare Before Christmas.

01:59:25.000 Oh, yeah?

01:59:26.000 They do that at the Bowl?

01:59:27.000 Yeah, it's great.

01:59:28.000 You ever go to the cemetery and watch a movie?

01:59:29.000 No.

01:59:30.000 Hollywood Forever?

01:59:31.000 I did a show there once, though.

01:59:32.000 You did?

01:59:33.000 Yeah, Duncan Trussell used to host a show there.

01:59:35.000 Yeah, Duncan!

01:59:35.000 Yeah.

01:59:36.000 Love him.

01:59:37.000 So what, outside?

01:59:38.000 No, inside.

01:59:39.000 There's like an inside place where you do stand-up.

01:59:41.000 Okay.

01:59:42.000 It was real weird.

01:59:43.000 So cute.

01:59:43.000 Yeah, we did stand-up.

01:59:44.000 Oh, I never did that one.

01:59:45.000 At the cemetery.

01:59:45.000 There's concerts there and shit.

01:59:46.000 Yeah.

01:59:47.000 Yeah.

01:59:47.000 Well, they have that one gigantic white wall, and they just project movies, and everyone sits on the lawn.

01:59:52.000 It's like 5,000 people.

01:59:53.000 How weird is that?

01:59:54.000 I watched Purple Rain out there.

01:59:56.000 Look at that.

01:59:56.000 I watched Scream.

01:59:57.000 That was super weird.

01:59:58.000 Scream?

01:59:59.000 The horror movie?

02:00:00.000 Oh, that would be good.

02:00:01.000 That would be good.

02:00:03.000 That's actually a great move.

02:00:04.000 I was there watching Purple Rain, and Dave Chappelle was there.

02:00:10.000 They come out as a DJ. They do stuff before and after the movie.

02:00:13.000 Everyone dresses up like characters from the film.

02:00:16.000 Wow.

02:00:16.000 Yeah.

02:00:17.000 It's awesome.

02:00:18.000 Have you seen Purple Rain, the movie, lately?

02:00:20.000 No.

02:00:21.000 That's great.

02:00:22.000 Is it?

02:00:23.000 Yes and no.

02:00:24.000 Yes and no.

02:00:25.000 The acting is so bad.

02:00:27.000 I mean, great sarcastically.

02:00:30.000 But Prince, it's so funny.

02:00:33.000 There's this one, when he first makes his full face on film, right, in the movie, it takes a minute.

02:00:39.000 There's this one scene where Apollonia is walking off and he's mad and he just like whips around real fast and his hair comes and does that.

02:00:46.000 And then everybody in the cemetery was watching this in front of like 5,000 people.

02:00:50.000 Every girl's like...

02:00:55.000 Look at him!

02:00:57.000 This guy was 4'1".

02:00:59.000 Oh, man.

02:01:00.000 But it was...

02:01:01.000 80 pounds.

02:01:01.000 He kind of changed music.

02:01:03.000 Yeah.

02:01:04.000 I was a huge fan.

02:01:05.000 Yeah, I was a giant fan.

02:01:06.000 I saw this one and a theory it came out.

02:01:08.000 It was the first time that I French kissed a girl and touched a boobie was in this movie.

02:01:13.000 Well, it's also like...

02:01:14.000 Oh, and there's a lot of wife people.

02:01:16.000 He hits her in this movie.

02:01:17.000 Yeah.

02:01:18.000 There was a lot.

02:01:19.000 Yeah, didn't he?

02:01:20.000 He hits her in the movie.

02:01:21.000 Yeah.

02:01:22.000 And he's like, oh, I want to be like my dad.

02:01:23.000 But he actually hits her.

02:01:24.000 Yeah.

02:01:25.000 And he says the F word as well.

02:01:28.000 Yes.

02:01:28.000 Yeah.

02:01:29.000 Wow.

02:01:30.000 Yeah.

02:01:31.000 That's right.

02:01:31.000 I'm afraid to say anything.

02:01:33.000 I don't want to deadname anybody.

02:01:35.000 Don't do it.

02:01:36.000 Now you know about deadnaming.

02:01:37.000 I know.

02:01:37.000 You put it in my head.

02:01:38.000 I was free.

02:01:40.000 Deadnaming.

02:01:40.000 No, I'm living with deadnames.

02:01:42.000 You can get kicked off of Twitter for life, bitch.

02:01:45.000 For life.

02:01:45.000 I'm barely even on Twitter.

02:01:47.000 Really?

02:01:47.000 How come?

02:01:47.000 Well, I'm on there, but I don't know if Facebook seems to be where my people are.

02:01:52.000 Really?

02:01:52.000 Yeah.

02:01:53.000 What people are those?

02:01:54.000 Rednecks from Hickory.

02:01:56.000 Is that more of a thing?

02:01:57.000 I don't know.

02:01:58.000 Well, I had nothing wrong with MySpace.

02:02:00.000 I was okay with MySpace.

02:02:02.000 You were on MySpace.

02:02:02.000 Hey, go back to AOL, man.

02:02:04.000 You've got mail.

02:02:07.000 Hang on, it's like this.

02:02:07.000 You've got mail.

02:02:09.000 That's perfect.

02:02:10.000 That's perfect.

02:02:12.000 Listen, dude, I've got to wrap this up.

02:02:13.000 There was one before MySpace, too.

02:02:15.000 What was the one?

02:02:16.000 Friendster?

02:02:16.000 Friendster.

02:02:17.000 Friendster.

02:02:18.000 Pickrave and a couple other ones.

02:02:20.000 It was MySpace, then Facebook.

02:02:22.000 What do you think is going to be the next thing?

02:02:25.000 TikTok!

02:02:26.000 Is that a new thing that kids are doing?

02:02:28.000 Have you seen that one yet?

02:02:28.000 Oh, that's like music videos, right?

02:02:29.000 Yeah.

02:02:30.000 Yeah, that's not going to work.

02:02:31.000 It'll work with little kids.

02:02:33.000 I'd be annoyed with the commercials for it.

02:02:35.000 Eventually people will give up.

02:02:37.000 Yeah.

02:02:38.000 The next thing will be something in your brain.

02:02:39.000 That would be a chip that you put in there.

02:02:41.000 That's going to happen.

02:02:42.000 Yeah, it'll be an iCloud where everyone's just hanging out with each other.

02:02:45.000 Yeah, some virtual world where you're in an avatar.

02:02:48.000 Right.

02:02:48.000 And you get to be a perfect person out there.

02:02:50.000 Yep.

02:02:51.000 Yeah, that's going to happen.

02:02:52.000 I'll try it out.

02:02:54.000 The world we live in is very strange, John Reap.

02:02:56.000 It certainly is.

02:02:57.000 But I'm glad you're around to provide comedic entertainment, sir.

02:03:00.000 Likewise, my friend.

02:03:01.000 Thank you.

02:03:01.000 Where are you going to be next?

02:03:02.000 Where can people come see you?

02:03:04.000 Oh, good question.

02:03:05.000 Next, I am going to Dayton, Ohio.

02:03:08.000 Funny Bone?

02:03:08.000 Funny Bone.

02:03:09.000 Nice.

02:03:09.000 And then Toledo.

02:03:11.000 Perrysburg, Ohio.

02:03:12.000 Also a funny bone.

02:03:13.000 And then it's all on johnreap.com after that.

02:03:17.000 Johnreap.com!

02:03:19.000 Ladies and gentlemen.

02:03:20.000 Thank you, brother.

02:03:20.000 Always good hanging with you, man.

02:03:21.000 Likewise, thanks, bro.

02:03:22.000 You gonna be around tonight?

02:03:23.000 You gonna come down to the store?

02:03:24.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:03:25.000 I'll see you, buddy.

02:03:25.000 I'll see you at Laugh Factory on Friday night.

02:03:27.000 Okay.

02:03:27.000 Beautiful.

02:03:27.000 Bye, everybody.

02:03:28.000 Peace!

02:03:29.000 That was fun.

02:03:31.000 Thank you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 01, 2019

Joe Rogan Experience #1288 - Jon Reep

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