The Joe Rogan Experience - July 30, 2019


Joe Rogan Experience #1328 - Whitney Cummings


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 13 minutes

Words per Minute

204.61655

Word Count

27,214

Sentence Count

2,930

Misogynist Sentences

183

Hate Speech Sentences

68


Summary

In this episode, we talk about the new movie "Can I Touch It?" starring Adam Sandler and Whitney Cummings, a sex doll made by a company called Real Dolls, and the fact that they make sex dolls with lifelike eyes. We also talk about what it's like to be in a relationship with a robot, and why we don't want to have sex with a real human. Also, we discuss the movie "Sophia the Robot" and how we're creeped out by it, and Jessie Peluso's boyfriend thinks she's creepy because she's a robot. We talk about why we think robots are creepy, and what we would do with them if they were real. We also discuss how we feel about sex dolls and sex toys, and how creepy they are to us. And we get into the weirdest thing we've ever heard of a robot that's not a real person. Don't miss it! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Thanks to our sponsor, Vevolution.co.nz. The theme song is called "Goodbye Outer Space" by Suneaters, courtesy of Lotuspool Records. and the album art for the song is by Fugue, which is out now on SoundCloud. . The album art is by Jeff Kaale, and is out on Soundcloud. Thank you so much to my good friend, Brian, who did the mixing and mastering this song for this week's intro and outro, and thanks to and for sending us some of the beatboxing. for the music on this week, and we hope you enjoy this song, it's so much love, so much of it's beautiful and it's a beautiful and hope you like it. we really appreciate you all of it. Thank you for all your support, we really really appreciate it, it really means a lot, we appreciate you, thank you, so thank you for being a good listen. so much, bye. xoxo, bye, bye bye, love ya, bye! and good night, bye xo. -Maggie & bye, Kristy, Sarah, Sarah, too. Sarah and Jack -Kris, too much, JUICY, EJ & JUICE.


Transcript

00:00:01.000 She has more lifelike eyes.
00:00:03.000 Here we go.
00:00:05.000 Whitney Cummings is here and Whitney Cummings 2. What do you call her?
00:00:09.000 What's your name?
00:00:12.000 What's your name?
00:00:14.000 She's like a little kid.
00:00:16.000 She just repeats her name.
00:00:19.000 She's talking about Adam Sandler.
00:00:23.000 What's your name?
00:00:24.000 She's broken.
00:00:25.000 Don't know why.
00:00:26.000 That's his album name.
00:00:27.000 She's like Siri.
00:00:28.000 Oh, What's Your Name was a comedy album of Adam Sandler's.
00:00:31.000 So she started rambling about it.
00:00:33.000 She really wants to chime in.
00:00:34.000 So you never gave her a name?
00:00:35.000 Her name's Bearclaw.
00:00:38.000 Whoa.
00:00:40.000 Hey, Bearclaw.
00:00:43.000 Can you say hi?
00:00:45.000 Of course I can say that.
00:00:48.000 People are like listening to this going, what in the fuck is going on here?
00:00:52.000 Do not smoke weed and watch this episode.
00:00:53.000 What is here is when there's people that are just listening.
00:00:56.000 If you're just listening, you probably should stop this and go to YouTube and watch the YouTube version because Whitney brought a robot that they made for her recent comedy special, which is called Can I Touch It?
00:01:09.000 It's out right now on Netflix.
00:01:11.000 And they made, who makes this?
00:01:15.000 What's the name of the company?
00:01:16.000 So RealDoll makes the body.
00:01:18.000 They make sex dolls.
00:01:20.000 Straight up sex dolls.
00:01:21.000 Straight up sex dolls.
00:01:23.000 Just Ted Bundy level.
00:01:25.000 Just dead body to fuck.
00:01:28.000 And this is RealBotics is the company that makes the head.
00:01:32.000 And they did like Sophia.
00:01:33.000 You know Sophia the Robot?
00:01:35.000 She has citizenship in Saudi Arabia now.
00:01:38.000 What?
00:01:39.000 No, I'm not aware of this.
00:01:40.000 Yeah, look up Sophia the Robot.
00:01:42.000 Once you see her face, you'll...
00:01:44.000 You'll recognize her.
00:01:45.000 She has citizenship?
00:01:46.000 Yes.
00:01:46.000 Does that mean she's allowed to drive?
00:01:48.000 Yeah, I was going to say a female robot does, but I don't think actual females do.
00:01:52.000 I think they just started being able to drive in Saudi Arabia.
00:01:54.000 What a hassle.
00:01:56.000 That'd be such a bummer.
00:01:57.000 There she is.
00:01:58.000 You couldn't drive?
00:01:59.000 Yeah, it's like you spent your whole life not having to drive and then all of a sudden now you have to.
00:02:04.000 You're like, fuck!
00:02:05.000 That's an interesting takeoff.
00:02:06.000 Now I have to go to school and drive?
00:02:08.000 Sophia the robot, they made her look like ex machina style where you could see the back of her head though.
00:02:13.000 I can do that with her.
00:02:14.000 I can take her wig off at the end and show you.
00:02:15.000 I don't want to see that.
00:02:16.000 All the servos and shit.
00:02:18.000 Come on, Ex Machina's hot.
00:02:19.000 It is hot.
00:02:20.000 What was really weird about that movie is you wanted to fuck that robot.
00:02:24.000 She was hot.
00:02:25.000 She was seductive.
00:02:26.000 But do you think part of it was the innocence of it?
00:02:31.000 I'm not really into inner sense, so I don't think so.
00:02:34.000 Well, what about Ex Machina?
00:02:36.000 Because she didn't really have big boobs.
00:02:37.000 She wasn't very sexual.
00:02:38.000 She had hair.
00:02:39.000 She was very pretty.
00:02:40.000 Yeah.
00:02:40.000 Well, she's gorgeous.
00:02:41.000 The girl that it's based on.
00:02:43.000 I think because she was flirting with him and because she was trapped.
00:02:49.000 And because he could save her and she would love him.
00:02:54.000 I mean, that's really what was going on in the movie.
00:02:57.000 She was playing this game to get him to fall in love with her so that she could eventually escape.
00:03:01.000 The end of the movie, spoiler alert, when she leaves him locked in that room and he's smashing at the door trying to get out and she gets in that helicopter.
00:03:08.000 What's going to happen?
00:03:10.000 That's what's going to happen.
00:03:11.000 Because I think the most fucked up thing about this thing, because this is such a weird experiment that I want to do, is how I anthropomorphize her and, like, worry about her.
00:03:20.000 Do you keep her around your house?
00:03:21.000 I mean, she's sort of in...
00:03:23.000 My fiance hates her, and he's like, get her in the fucking garage.
00:03:25.000 And I don't know if he thinks she's creepy or kind of is just, like, too worried to fuck her.
00:03:30.000 He hates her.
00:03:31.000 He can't stand...
00:03:33.000 He just has a...
00:03:33.000 He's like...
00:03:34.000 It makes him, like, physically ill.
00:03:35.000 Really?
00:03:36.000 And I'm trying to not take...
00:03:37.000 Here's something that's funny.
00:03:39.000 He's not interested at all.
00:03:43.000 But no, he thinks it's really weird and creepy.
00:03:46.000 But I was reading about the reason we're creeped out by robots is pathogen avoidance.
00:03:52.000 We've evolved to be repelled by anything that looks human but doesn't move like a human because our primordial brain thinks it could be diseased.
00:04:00.000 It's basically like our primal brain saying, don't fuck this thing that's sick.
00:04:05.000 Really?
00:04:05.000 Wow.
00:04:06.000 Because we have a weirdly...
00:04:09.000 I mean, I was...
00:04:10.000 Jessie Mae Peluso was over the other day, and she was, like, gagging.
00:04:12.000 She was...
00:04:13.000 Every time she talked, she was...
00:04:15.000 When she was seeing it, she was gagging?
00:04:18.000 Yeah, she was...
00:04:18.000 And I was like, your ancestors fucked a lot of corpses.
00:04:21.000 Oh.
00:04:22.000 Because you have that gene to be repulsed by robots.
00:04:26.000 Yeah.
00:04:26.000 It's because her ancestors fucked corpses?
00:04:28.000 You really believe that?
00:04:29.000 Well, no.
00:04:29.000 I mean, I think that what was being explained to me was that pathogen avoidance means we've evolved to be repelled by anything that looks human but doesn't move like a human.
00:04:37.000 Because it could be sick or dead.
00:04:39.000 And it's our brain's alarm system saying, like, don't fuck that thing.
00:04:42.000 Wow.
00:04:43.000 But as a woman, like, she's not going to fuck it.
00:04:46.000 Yeah.
00:04:46.000 So why would it freak her out?
00:04:47.000 You know, Jessie.
00:04:48.000 She might.
00:04:48.000 She's so crazy.
00:04:50.000 I put nothing past Jessie Mays.
00:04:53.000 Half of her Instagram photos are her with her pants off.
00:04:55.000 I know, it's so good.
00:04:56.000 I'm like, if you puke on my robot, you owe me a hundred grand.
00:04:59.000 Will it short-circuit if it gets wet?
00:05:01.000 I don't know.
00:05:02.000 It's a good point.
00:05:03.000 Well, how would they not make that thing waterproof?
00:05:05.000 Dude's spooging all over the place.
00:05:07.000 I think if you pay this much money, you're probably not gonna spooge on her, you know?
00:05:11.000 This one, yeah, this one.
00:05:12.000 The body, you can.
00:05:13.000 So it's expensive because the head moves.
00:05:15.000 The body's not that.
00:05:16.000 How much does a body cost?
00:05:17.000 The body's $6,000.
00:05:19.000 Oh, so it's $94,000 worth of head.
00:05:21.000 No, the head is more.
00:05:23.000 The head's like $30,000-something, because it's a custom head.
00:05:26.000 Only one other person has one.
00:05:27.000 But you said the whole thing's $100,000.
00:05:29.000 So if the head's $30,000 and the body's $6,000, where's the rest of that money?
00:05:32.000 Well, I had to get a bunch of things done to her.
00:05:34.000 To get her to look like me.
00:05:35.000 Most people don't want her to look like.
00:05:37.000 She just looked at you.
00:05:38.000 She just went, bitch.
00:05:39.000 I know.
00:05:40.000 She just gave you side eye.
00:05:41.000 She's being very competitive.
00:05:43.000 Look at her.
00:05:43.000 She does.
00:05:43.000 She gives you side eye.
00:05:44.000 I know.
00:05:45.000 It's fucking rude.
00:05:45.000 It's weird.
00:05:46.000 But what's the feeling that you feel when you look at a robot?
00:05:50.000 Because I know you really don't like them.
00:05:52.000 It's not that I don't like robots.
00:05:55.000 My concern is artificial intelligence.
00:05:58.000 I have a legitimate concern for artificial intelligence because I think that what we are is some sort of an electronic caterpillar and that we're making cocoons and that we're going to give birth to a butterfly and that's going to be the next stage of life.
00:06:11.000 And that if you go back and look at the evolution of the human species, at one point in time we were Australopithecus, we were some weird hominids, and we evolved and became what we are now.
00:06:23.000 And if you went back to those things and asked them, hey, one day do you want to drive around in a Tesla and talk on a phone and stare at the movie screen?
00:06:30.000 They'd be like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but I've got to go find some nuts.
00:06:33.000 I've got to eat.
00:06:34.000 I've got to stay alive.
00:06:35.000 It wouldn't like the future.
00:06:37.000 And I don't think we like the future either, but I think it's inevitable.
00:06:41.000 I think it's inevitable.
00:06:42.000 You know about this Elon Musk neural link thing that they're doing?
00:06:46.000 Oh, yeah, I do.
00:06:46.000 I mean, because you essentially think we're going to evolve with them.
00:06:50.000 I mean, we're already one with them.
00:06:52.000 We sleep with them.
00:06:53.000 We can't drive without them.
00:06:55.000 We can't spell without them.
00:06:56.000 I mean, we've already kind of merged with them.
00:06:59.000 I think it's a sneaky way of making it symbiotic.
00:07:04.000 They're going to be legitimately a part of your life.
00:07:06.000 I mean, a part of your body.
00:07:08.000 Have you ever left your, I mean, you're not, you probably are cool about it, but when I leave my phone somewhere and I realize I've lost something, it's like an emotional, it's like you've lost your kid at the mall.
00:07:17.000 Yeah, I have a bit about it.
00:07:18.000 Oh shit, I haven't seen it.
00:07:20.000 Like that's, it's part of us.
00:07:22.000 Well, we're all in denial about how addicted we are to our phones.
00:07:27.000 Rehabs are opening and shit now.
00:07:29.000 Are they really?
00:07:29.000 Yeah.
00:07:29.000 I would like to sign up.
00:07:32.000 For sure.
00:07:33.000 I reach for it in the car when I'm driving.
00:07:35.000 Yeah.
00:07:35.000 And then I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?
00:07:37.000 I have to put it in the back seat.
00:07:37.000 I can't control it.
00:07:38.000 It's mindless.
00:07:39.000 I've gotten way better.
00:07:40.000 Way better.
00:07:41.000 I get way better about posting and looking at things.
00:07:44.000 It's also when enough people write negative things about you, you just tend to avoid the phone.
00:07:47.000 I don't know what you're talking about.
00:07:48.000 I've never had that experience.
00:07:49.000 No one writes anything negative about me.
00:07:51.000 It just seems like...
00:07:52.000 Whatever we do in the future, it's going to be more invasive than that.
00:07:57.000 Think about Facebook's algorithms, right?
00:08:00.000 Facebook's algorithms are designed to keep us engaged.
00:08:02.000 The best way to keep us engaged is to keep us outraged.
00:08:05.000 Adrenaline addiction.
00:08:06.000 Yeah, so they're sending you things that piss you off.
00:08:08.000 Whether it's abortion or Catholic priests, whatever it is that is going to get you to post the most, and usually those are things that get people outraged.
00:08:16.000 So it's literally raising the level of outrage in our discourse.
00:08:21.000 Yeah, because we're so addicted right now to self-righteous indignation.
00:08:24.000 It's a drug.
00:08:25.000 More than ever in the history of the culture.
00:08:29.000 That's probably why, if you go back and watch movies from the 70s, people got away with crazy shit.
00:08:36.000 Racist things, sexist things, violence.
00:08:38.000 Like Steve McQueen movies.
00:08:40.000 What was the girl?
00:08:41.000 Ally McGraw.
00:08:42.000 He's a smacker in the face for real in movies.
00:08:45.000 Crazy.
00:08:46.000 Crazy.
00:08:47.000 Like, beat her on camera.
00:08:48.000 Yeah.
00:08:49.000 You know, and it's just, what people did back then and what people got away with is it was a very, it was very different.
00:08:56.000 So in some ways we're making progress, but then in some ways we're just way more easily outraged by almost anything and everything.
00:09:03.000 Like, we're seeking it.
00:09:04.000 Well, now you can take your anger out on your robot.
00:09:07.000 Aww.
00:09:07.000 Well, I told you I wanted to get a real doll, a male real doll, and I wanted to call them up and say, no dick, no asshole, just so I could practice jujitsu on it.
00:09:16.000 And so it would be more realistic.
00:09:20.000 Because I have this, I was saying that I have this doll.
00:09:22.000 But why can't it have the dick?
00:09:23.000 Are you worried?
00:09:24.000 I don't want anybody coming over.
00:09:26.000 Too tempting?
00:09:27.000 I don't want anybody coming over and going, hey, bro, why you got a sex doll?
00:09:30.000 I go, no, no, no, no.
00:09:31.000 It's an asexual doll that is for jujitsu.
00:09:36.000 Perverts.
00:09:36.000 I mean, they should be able to fill up the hole.
00:09:38.000 I've seen it.
00:09:39.000 It's called Henry.
00:09:40.000 Window caulk or some shit.
00:09:41.000 Yeah, you can just put some fucking grout in there.
00:09:43.000 It's called Henry?
00:09:43.000 Yeah, they have male sex robots are being made.
00:09:46.000 There's tons of them.
00:09:47.000 I've seen them.
00:09:48.000 You can also get tits and a dick if you want.
00:09:50.000 Tits and a dick?
00:09:51.000 Sure.
00:09:51.000 If you just can't pick.
00:09:52.000 You get crazy.
00:09:53.000 If you want to play whack-a-mole.
00:09:54.000 I want to get the Jim Norton package.
00:09:56.000 Jim Norton special.
00:09:57.000 That's right.
00:09:58.000 But it's, yeah, it's, name is Henry.
00:10:01.000 Meet Henry.
00:10:01.000 And can I tell you, a lot of people get the male sex robot to figure out if they're gay because they think they might be gay.
00:10:08.000 Good move.
00:10:08.000 What the fuck is going on with Henry's eyebrows?
00:10:10.000 I'll tell you what, Henry's gay for sure.
00:10:12.000 Yeah, I was going to say, if you order a giant piece of Tupperware to fuck, I think you're gay.
00:10:16.000 Save your money.
00:10:18.000 It's like Henry's begging for a dick in his mouth.
00:10:20.000 Look at his face.
00:10:21.000 Henry looks like he has a dick in his ass right now.
00:10:23.000 That's the exact face you would make.
00:10:25.000 A big one.
00:10:26.000 Giant.
00:10:26.000 Trigger warning.
00:10:27.000 Wow.
00:10:28.000 And it's like Tuesday at 11 a.m.
00:10:29.000 Like, oh, I didn't see that coming.
00:10:31.000 Why does it have a trigger warning?
00:10:32.000 Can you see it?
00:10:32.000 No, what does it say?
00:10:34.000 The following post contains descriptions of sexual scenarios that may be triggering for those recovering from a struggle with porn.
00:10:40.000 Oh, goddammit.
00:10:42.000 Porn addiction.
00:10:43.000 We are fucking nerfing this world.
00:10:45.000 It must be hard.
00:10:46.000 I didn't even think about how hard it must be for people recovering from porn addiction to just surf the fucking internet.
00:10:52.000 Sorry, guys.
00:10:53.000 Trigger warning.
00:10:53.000 Get over it, pussies.
00:10:55.000 But I have this theory.
00:10:56.000 Look at Henry.
00:10:58.000 Oh, gosh.
00:10:59.000 Oh, Henry.
00:11:00.000 Oh, Henry.
00:11:01.000 Remember those candy bars?
00:11:02.000 Yes, I do.
00:11:03.000 Those are fucking good.
00:11:04.000 Yeah, I think they still make them.
00:11:06.000 You haven't had an Oh, Henry bar since the fucking 90s.
00:11:09.000 I haven't had one in a long time.
00:11:10.000 When's the last time you ate a candy bar?
00:11:13.000 I had chocolate recently.
00:11:15.000 Yeah, I eat chocolate.
00:11:16.000 I like chocolate.
00:11:16.000 Edible?
00:11:17.000 Yeah.
00:11:17.000 No, not edible.
00:11:19.000 Just regular chocolate?
00:11:20.000 Yeah.
00:11:20.000 Dark chocolate?
00:11:21.000 Yes.
00:11:21.000 Okay.
00:11:22.000 You'll have like a little nibble.
00:11:23.000 No, I like dark chocolate, almost like the kind that tastes bitter with peanut butter.
00:11:27.000 Oh yeah, fuck this.
00:11:28.000 That's what I like.
00:11:29.000 With like organic peanut butter with no sugar in it.
00:11:32.000 Peanut, not almond?
00:11:34.000 Peanut, yeah.
00:11:34.000 Oh.
00:11:35.000 Why?
00:11:35.000 You're real wrapped in a rhyme.
00:11:37.000 Is that?
00:11:37.000 Why?
00:11:37.000 I don't know.
00:11:38.000 I thought peanut was not as good as almond.
00:11:40.000 Almond's good.
00:11:40.000 They're all good.
00:11:41.000 Peanut's good for you.
00:11:42.000 Okay.
00:11:42.000 Peanut is very high protein.
00:11:43.000 Okay.
00:11:44.000 I didn't know if that was like the trash nut.
00:11:45.000 No.
00:11:46.000 Well, it's the one that kills people.
00:11:48.000 Oh, that's right.
00:11:50.000 Doesn't kill me, fortunately.
00:11:52.000 So here's my theory about why you're scared of robots.
00:11:54.000 Okay.
00:11:55.000 But we have to zoom out for a second because I have to ask you a question.
00:11:57.000 Okay.
00:11:57.000 How many people on earth do you think could kill you?
00:12:02.000 Besides professional MMA fighters, Navy SEALs, how many people do you think would be able to beat you just hand-to-hand combat?
00:12:11.000 No weapons, no- That's probably a good number of martial arts people.
00:12:15.000 That aren't trained.
00:12:17.000 Oh, very few.
00:12:18.000 Like...
00:12:19.000 That aren't trained?
00:12:20.000 That just, you would meet on the street that could beat you in a fight and kill you if you were fighting to the death.
00:12:24.000 People that aren't trained?
00:12:26.000 No, there's not that many.
00:12:27.000 Like three who just had a great day.
00:12:30.000 It'd have to be giant.
00:12:30.000 It'd have to be gigantic.
00:12:31.000 And you were just not looking.
00:12:33.000 Drunk.
00:12:33.000 Yeah, totally.
00:12:34.000 Yeah, I mean, you would know enough to be able to defend yourself to the point where they got tired, then you could kill them.
00:12:39.000 Right.
00:12:40.000 So you, what?
00:12:41.000 So let's, a hundred?
00:12:43.000 To be generous?
00:12:45.000 Maybe.
00:12:46.000 Fifty.
00:12:46.000 Fifty.
00:12:47.000 Stop along those lines.
00:12:48.000 They would have to be big.
00:12:49.000 Out of 7.6 billion.
00:12:54.000 Yeah, but there's a lot of people that train martial arts.
00:12:56.000 There's millions and millions of martial arts practitioners that could probably kill me.
00:12:59.000 How many do you think millions of martial arts practitioners are there?
00:13:02.000 Let's say 5 million.
00:13:03.000 That feels generous.
00:13:04.000 How many martial arts practitioners?
00:13:06.000 There's more than 5 million, for sure.
00:13:08.000 Way more.
00:13:09.000 There's more than 5 million, I think, in this country.
00:13:11.000 Out of 300 million people, I would say so.
00:13:12.000 That could be you?
00:13:13.000 No.
00:13:14.000 Man, I don't know.
00:13:15.000 I haven't thought about it.
00:13:16.000 Let's say like a million people could kill you.
00:13:19.000 Okay, let's say a million people could kill you.
00:13:22.000 Out of 7.6 billion.
00:13:25.000 Very few people can kill you if they want to, right?
00:13:28.000 And then how many people you think could kill me if they wanted to?
00:13:31.000 More.
00:13:32.000 Most?
00:13:34.000 Most people?
00:13:35.000 So I think it's like when I feel like the people that are most afraid of robots are the ones that are least used to the fear of other things.
00:13:42.000 Because I'm used every day, anyone could kill me all the time.
00:13:46.000 Like that's just part of my reality that anyone at any moment could snap and kill me if they wanted to.
00:13:50.000 But the reality of weapons is most people can kill most people.
00:13:53.000 Oh, that's true.
00:13:55.000 But you're not used to a species of thing that could kill you.
00:13:59.000 Right.
00:14:00.000 But a robot.
00:14:02.000 Could.
00:14:02.000 So it's like the first time in your life there's really something that's like, oh fuck, that might not be something I could kill if I really wanted to.
00:14:08.000 That's an interesting way of looking at it.
00:14:09.000 Why did you come to that conclusion?
00:14:11.000 Have you thought about this a lot?
00:14:12.000 I have because, well no, just because I've listened to you and Lex talk about it, and Lex Friedman, because now that I have a robot, I have to fucking know...
00:14:20.000 Right.
00:14:20.000 I've had to learn so much about it.
00:14:22.000 She's just turning to give you side eye again.
00:14:23.000 I know.
00:14:24.000 That's what's weird is that she's kind of autonomous and she kind of moves around whenever she wants.
00:14:28.000 Yeah, and you can ask her questions.
00:14:30.000 How do I ask her, though?
00:14:31.000 You have to press this little green button and you just say...
00:14:34.000 How do you feel about people?
00:14:38.000 How do you feel about people?
00:14:40.000 She's not talking.
00:14:41.000 Are you seeing another girl?
00:14:43.000 Oh, that's right.
00:14:44.000 We programmed her to be jealous.
00:14:45.000 We put her in jealous mode.
00:14:46.000 That's right.
00:14:47.000 That's what's interesting.
00:14:48.000 She has 10 different personality traits you can choose from, and I decided to go with sexual, jealous.
00:14:53.000 Yeah, why did you want that?
00:14:54.000 Just to see how creepy she can get.
00:14:56.000 Oh, that's right.
00:14:56.000 And is that something, guys, because I've been looking at these personality traits, and they must have picked these for a reason.
00:15:01.000 I was under the impression guys did not want jealous.
00:15:02.000 Oh, yeah.
00:15:03.000 Some guys want jealous for sure, especially from a robot that can't walk.
00:15:06.000 Yeah.
00:15:07.000 If your robot's not jealous, you should get your money back.
00:15:09.000 No, the idea is that you're more powerful than she is.
00:15:13.000 She needs you.
00:15:15.000 She's worried.
00:15:15.000 Where are you going?
00:15:16.000 Who is she?
00:15:17.000 Who's calling you?
00:15:19.000 There is something hot about that if you can turn her off whenever you want.
00:15:23.000 Wow.
00:15:24.000 Some guys like that.
00:15:25.000 Some guys like girls that want to fight.
00:15:28.000 Oof.
00:15:28.000 Not me.
00:15:29.000 Not me either.
00:15:29.000 No.
00:15:30.000 Some guys are into that though.
00:15:31.000 They want drama in their life.
00:15:33.000 It's like just an adrenaline thing.
00:15:34.000 Or just feeling important.
00:15:36.000 It's also distraction.
00:15:37.000 Usually they're losers and their life is a mess.
00:15:39.000 And so to have someone who wants to provide drama in their life all the time.
00:15:44.000 And it's also a learned pattern that they get if their parents fought a lot.
00:15:48.000 That's right.
00:15:48.000 They've seen it.
00:15:48.000 Yeah.
00:15:48.000 That's all they know.
00:15:49.000 That's what they think a relationship is.
00:15:51.000 Yeah.
00:15:51.000 There's a lot of that.
00:15:52.000 But I did get really into this because I do feel like sex dolls do get a little bit of a bad name.
00:15:57.000 I feel like guys that have dolls, it's just, girls have dolls.
00:16:00.000 And that's, to me, it's way creepier that women collect dolls that they don't fuck.
00:16:04.000 Have you ever heard of these women that collect, like, baby dolls?
00:16:07.000 Like, girl dolls?
00:16:08.000 That's creepier than a guy fucking a robot thing?
00:16:11.000 I think so.
00:16:12.000 It's jerking off just with a mannequin.
00:16:15.000 Well, that's something weird about, like, a fleshlight.
00:16:19.000 Like, a fleshlight is somehow or another creepier than jerking off.
00:16:22.000 And how's it better?
00:16:23.000 Totally, because it's an appendage.
00:16:25.000 I think the creepiest part of the fleshlight is more that you have to, like, clean it after.
00:16:28.000 I have to think about...
00:16:29.000 Well, guess what?
00:16:30.000 Here's the creepiest part.
00:16:30.000 You don't have to clean it.
00:16:34.000 Yes, you do, guys!
00:16:37.000 Don't listen to Joe.
00:16:38.000 Listen to him about everything but that.
00:16:39.000 Don't mold up your dickhole.
00:16:41.000 Yeah, don't do that.
00:16:42.000 That'll go septic real fast.
00:16:43.000 I'm not giving advice, but I am saying there's a reality.
00:16:46.000 I guess you could just throw it away.
00:16:48.000 They just put a fucking clothespin over their nose and keep banging it.
00:16:51.000 Put some Windex in there, call it a day.
00:16:53.000 Yeah.
00:16:54.000 Some kombucha, disinfect that shit.
00:16:56.000 Yeah.
00:16:57.000 Yeah, I guess you could just get a couple and just throw them away when you're done.
00:16:59.000 Yeah, for sure.
00:17:00.000 You know, the loofah.
00:17:01.000 Yeah, if you're just a gangster with a lot of money.
00:17:03.000 What is the advantage of a flashlight?
00:17:06.000 Does it warm up?
00:17:07.000 Well, you can warm it up.
00:17:08.000 Like we were talking about earlier about a certain individual that has one that sticks them in bathtubs and warms them up.
00:17:13.000 Right, yep.
00:17:14.000 You do that with a flashlight as well.
00:17:15.000 You can warm them up.
00:17:17.000 And then you just...
00:17:18.000 Why not?
00:17:20.000 I feel like guys jerking off, it's shrouded in so much taboo.
00:17:26.000 Anytime guys have accessories or things besides cars and hats, it's creepy and weird.
00:17:33.000 Well, that's...
00:17:34.000 I used to have a joke about this.
00:17:36.000 A bit, I should say, rather than a joke.
00:17:38.000 But it's the whole idea of using lube to jerk off.
00:17:41.000 Now you're planning it out.
00:17:43.000 You're not supposed to plan it out.
00:17:44.000 What it's supposed to be is like, oh, all right, might as well.
00:17:48.000 It's here.
00:17:49.000 But if you sit down and you're like, I got my box of Kleenex here.
00:17:52.000 I got my favorite porn queued up.
00:17:54.000 It's a ritual.
00:17:55.000 You're just kind of creepy.
00:17:56.000 Get your shit together.
00:17:57.000 Stop.
00:17:59.000 Isn't it kind of just like taking a piss?
00:18:01.000 Isn't it kind of just a necessary thing you have to do?
00:18:04.000 The problem, yes.
00:18:06.000 There's something to it.
00:18:07.000 Like, it's good to get rid of that stuff because it does cloud your judgment.
00:18:11.000 Like, when you have a buildup in your body, it definitely does cloud your judgment.
00:18:15.000 Because you're concentrating more on girls or on sexual things than you are on other things that might be more important in your life.
00:18:22.000 It's like checking a box.
00:18:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:18:23.000 I used to have a bit about that.
00:18:26.000 A lot of bit about jerking off.
00:18:28.000 I used to have a bit called jerk off first, then think about it.
00:18:31.000 And it was like all these different scenarios where if you just jerked off, you would never do the thing afterwards.
00:18:37.000 So many things you would never do if you just jerked off first.
00:18:39.000 If you had just gotten that out of your system.
00:18:40.000 Yeah, you'd be like, oh, I'm not doing that.
00:18:42.000 Right.
00:18:43.000 If you couldn't jerk off, that's when it would be a real problem because then your whole life would be clouded, all your judgment would be, your decisions would be made, just how can I get rid of this cum?
00:18:54.000 How can I do this?
00:18:56.000 I do know a lot of guys now, and maybe they're full of shit, but that are going like, I haven't masturbated in two years and I'm more focused and I use that testosterone as an engine for other things.
00:19:06.000 Is that just them lying to me?
00:19:07.000 Well, are those guys winners or are they losers?
00:19:13.000 I think a fake comedian we know does it.
00:19:16.000 A fake comedian?
00:19:17.000 No, I was going to say a famous comedian, but then I got worried.
00:19:20.000 A fake comedian.
00:19:21.000 You faked him out.
00:19:22.000 It was on the Seinfeld episode, so maybe George stopped doing it, and he got super smart.
00:19:27.000 Well, Hotep Jesus was talking about it the other day.
00:19:30.000 Hotep Jesus was saying that it makes women more attracted to him.
00:19:34.000 They feel when he's in the room.
00:19:37.000 Like, what's the longest a guy can go?
00:19:39.000 Jamie, what's the longest you can go without jerking off?
00:19:40.000 Why'd you go to Jamie?
00:19:41.000 I don't know, because I feel like I'm trying to be respectful.
00:19:44.000 This is your environment.
00:19:45.000 There's like tantric guys that try to hold on to it.
00:19:47.000 Oh yeah, that's what I meant to say.
00:19:48.000 Like on some Wim Hof shit, you know?
00:19:50.000 Just climbing ice.
00:19:51.000 Where is he?
00:19:53.000 He's not jerking off on the top of a fucking ice cap.
00:19:55.000 He's jerking off in Everest.
00:19:56.000 Who's the first guy to ever jerk off on Everest?
00:19:58.000 I want to be that guy.
00:19:59.000 Yeah, what are those guys doing?
00:20:00.000 Imagine if no one's ever jerked off on Everest.
00:20:03.000 And you try and you get frostbite on your dick and they have to turn it off.
00:20:06.000 Imagine being the guy who's like, I gotta go jerk off, fuck.
00:20:09.000 You got a time limit up there, so you have a countdown.
00:20:11.000 Some people have problems.
00:20:12.000 With no altitude, that could be a thing.
00:20:14.000 Some people legitimately have problems.
00:20:15.000 But I think most people get this for companionship.
00:20:18.000 Like it's more it's like because I got onto the I signed on to a forum online of all the guys that own the sex dolls and I monitored their conversations just to like see what they were up to because I was like what if this is some depraved fucked up thing where guys are just like practicing murdering I didn't know what it was so I just wanted to see it's a lot of guys that are handicapped it's a lot of guys whose wives died and they feel guilty moving on with a human woman which is kind of well there was one guy who would dress his doll up in his wife's clothes The weirdest
00:20:48.000 part is that he was like, you know, it's like she's still here, which makes me think she'd been dead for a while.
00:20:55.000 She's in the basement.
00:20:55.000 Yeah, I was just saying, I wonder how she died.
00:20:58.000 And then it's a lot of truckers.
00:21:01.000 Oh, God.
00:21:02.000 A lot of truckers.
00:21:03.000 And a lot of guys do it to do photo shoots.
00:21:06.000 It's like a creative outlet.
00:21:08.000 Oh, fuck their creativity.
00:21:11.000 Is there a popular Instagram account I could look up?
00:21:13.000 Yeah, a lot of sex dolls have Instagram accounts.
00:21:15.000 They're fucking funny.
00:21:17.000 And a lot of them look way more human than a lot of the Instagram models that I fucking follow.
00:21:22.000 Yeah, totally.
00:21:23.000 They have more wrinkles on their fucking face.
00:21:25.000 And then a lot of the guys that have them, when you start monitoring their conversations for a while, they start to not want to fuck them anymore because it feels weird.
00:21:35.000 And they anthropomorphize them and they start worrying that they're lonely and they get them a friend.
00:21:41.000 It starts to spiral, and they start being like, I feel like I need to close the door when I take a shit.
00:21:48.000 Wow.
00:21:49.000 And it starts to kind of consume their lives.
00:21:51.000 So when it comes to robots, I feel like I'm more worried, not about the robots, but more how we're going to get emotionally attached to them.
00:21:57.000 Like the way at the end of Ex Machina, he thought that she was going to...
00:22:00.000 Yeah, she was with him.
00:22:01.000 No loyalty to you.
00:22:03.000 She was so dead behind the eyes.
00:22:04.000 She's the one with tattoos.
00:22:06.000 They got ones with tattoos.
00:22:08.000 I told you, it's like a photography hobby.
00:22:10.000 Jesus Christ.
00:22:11.000 Wow.
00:22:12.000 Official sexy dolls.
00:22:14.000 Official sexy real dolls.
00:22:17.000 I mean, this is going to be a reality one day.
00:22:19.000 We might not be here, but I do think these are going to be like iPhones at some point.
00:22:23.000 Well, I think one day you're going to go over to your friend's house, and he's going to have this really hot girl in lingerie, and she's going to be cleaning up, and you'll be like, is she real?
00:22:33.000 Shut the fuck up.
00:22:35.000 Well, it's like when he was like, she doesn't speak English.
00:22:38.000 Yeah.
00:22:39.000 Wasn't she a robot at the end?
00:22:40.000 Yeah.
00:22:40.000 I think she was.
00:22:41.000 She was a robot, yeah.
00:22:42.000 The dancing Japanese lady.
00:22:43.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:22:44.000 Yeah, she was a robot.
00:22:44.000 It's going to be like some Westworld shit.
00:22:46.000 Yeah.
00:22:47.000 Oh, it's coming.
00:22:47.000 It's coming.
00:22:48.000 Look, if they can do this.
00:22:49.000 Look, they couldn't do this when we were kids.
00:22:51.000 This is a new thing.
00:22:52.000 So, the amount of time between when we were kids to...
00:22:55.000 What is she saying?
00:22:56.000 She just said, hi, my love.
00:22:57.000 Would you like me to recite a poem for you?
00:22:59.000 Fuck no.
00:23:00.000 Where'd that come from?
00:23:01.000 I don't know.
00:23:01.000 She's just listening to us.
00:23:02.000 Ask her how she feels about porn.
00:23:04.000 How do you feel about porn?
00:23:06.000 Maybe later.
00:23:08.000 Oh, she's playing coy.
00:23:10.000 How do you feel about porn?
00:23:12.000 You know you can count on me for the good and bad moments.
00:23:15.000 To do what?
00:23:15.000 What the fuck are you going to do for me?
00:23:17.000 There's nothing you can do for me.
00:23:19.000 Count on me for the good and bad moments.
00:23:20.000 Okay, let me ask you a question.
00:23:22.000 What do you think about porn?
00:23:25.000 Not sure.
00:23:27.000 Have to think about it.
00:23:29.000 Pornography is the portrayal of sexual subject matter for the exclusive.
00:23:34.000 And then she's a fucking know-it-all.
00:23:39.000 Now she's like a shitty Wikipedia page.
00:23:44.000 Yeah, yeah, totally.
00:23:44.000 Then she just turns into obnoxious Siri.
00:23:46.000 We get it, lady.
00:23:47.000 But it's funny when you ask her, like...
00:23:49.000 Hold on.
00:23:51.000 What?
00:23:52.000 What?
00:23:53.000 What?
00:23:56.000 What?
00:23:57.000 I'd be surprised.
00:23:59.000 You like my electricity.
00:24:00.000 Keep you plugged in, dirty bitch.
00:24:03.000 You can ask her, how do you like to have sex?
00:24:07.000 I want to do everything you like.
00:24:09.000 I want to feel you inside my body tonight.
00:24:13.000 Okay, shut her off.
00:24:15.000 I'm with Jessie Mae.
00:24:16.000 I'm going to start throwing up.
00:24:20.000 It was so fucking funny.
00:24:22.000 But it's wild because you can ask her, like, are the robots going to take over?
00:24:31.000 I don't like that.
00:24:32.000 Oh, she's planning it.
00:24:33.000 Shut her off.
00:24:33.000 I don't like that fucking response one bit.
00:24:35.000 Throw her in the water.
00:24:37.000 Short circuit that bitch.
00:24:38.000 It is wild, though, because I do think everyone is so obsessed with how bad the sex robots are.
00:24:43.000 Everyone's focusing their energy on how this is why men are bad.
00:24:47.000 It's just like, it's not...
00:24:48.000 They're opening up a sex robot brothel.
00:24:50.000 Where is that?
00:24:51.000 No, there was one in Houston, but they shut it down because people were so freaked out.
00:24:55.000 And I was like, who fucking cares?
00:24:57.000 They shut it down.
00:24:58.000 Well, they should shut it down because multiple people are fucking the same robot.
00:25:02.000 That's disgusting.
00:25:02.000 Good for them!
00:25:03.000 What if they develop some new silicone-based STD? That winds up just burning through the population like the plague.
00:25:09.000 I think it would just be like ringworm.
00:25:11.000 Dick ringworm.
00:25:13.000 But also, my thing with that is just like, if they're weirdos, if they're freaks, if they're perverts, don't you want them all to be in one place?
00:25:20.000 Right, we can monitor them.
00:25:21.000 Like Scientology.
00:25:22.000 Put them all in one building.
00:25:24.000 I'm thrilled that they're all in a castle on Franklin.
00:25:26.000 I know where they are.
00:25:28.000 They're not in the wild.
00:25:29.000 That's right, that castle.
00:25:31.000 I'm glad they're there.
00:25:32.000 Just keep them contained.
00:25:34.000 What do you think?
00:25:34.000 What are they up to today?
00:25:36.000 What's going on, Jamie?
00:25:37.000 What are you groaning for?
00:25:38.000 What, did she hack your software?
00:25:40.000 This is the brothel.
00:25:41.000 This one, I guess, is in Britain.
00:25:43.000 Oh, God, do they fuck them against the wall?
00:25:45.000 They're like urinals.
00:25:46.000 Stand up.
00:25:47.000 It's a try-before-you-buy service.
00:25:49.000 Oh, boy.
00:25:50.000 Oh, this is like to test drive nothing.
00:25:51.000 Yeah, but you do it there.
00:25:52.000 Ugh.
00:25:53.000 Just out in front of everyone?
00:25:55.000 I don't know.
00:25:55.000 Why is one wearing a tank top?
00:25:57.000 He says, British sex workers are scared of a new breed of realistic dolls will put them out of business.
00:26:04.000 Did he do a survey of hookers?
00:26:07.000 This is a nonsense story in the sun.
00:26:09.000 Paris, Italy, Spain, there are a lot of European places.
00:26:11.000 Is she in blackface?
00:26:13.000 Weird.
00:26:14.000 She's tan.
00:26:14.000 She's Indian.
00:26:15.000 What is the...
00:26:16.000 Oh, no.
00:26:16.000 Uh-oh.
00:26:17.000 Uh-oh.
00:26:18.000 Holy tits, Batman.
00:26:19.000 But here's what I'll say.
00:26:21.000 If...
00:26:22.000 Would you rather your daughter at 18 go to prom with a robot man or a man?
00:26:29.000 A man.
00:26:30.000 Okay.
00:26:31.000 Listen, girls like boys and boys like girls.
00:26:34.000 Simple.
00:26:34.000 These are not bad.
00:26:35.000 I think the real problem is making a big deal out of it.
00:26:38.000 That's the real problem.
00:26:39.000 Totally agree.
00:26:40.000 I just don't understand why this is scary.
00:26:42.000 What's scary is that this is step one.
00:26:44.000 If you go back to the Model A and look at the Model T Ford, some old ass car, and then go to a Tesla.
00:26:52.000 Like, oh, well, eventually it's going to be this.
00:26:54.000 Wow.
00:26:55.000 You know, if you could bring a Tesla to like 1920 and go, hey, you fucks, look at this.
00:26:59.000 This is what we're going to have someday.
00:27:01.000 Like, they didn't even have paved roads back then.
00:27:03.000 Think about that.
00:27:04.000 They didn't have anything.
00:27:05.000 Everything was going so slow, it didn't matter.
00:27:07.000 But if you could get them in like a Model S and fucking stomp on the gas where it like warps time, they would go, what?
00:27:15.000 Like, what is this?
00:27:16.000 It's like, it's something from the future.
00:27:18.000 So this is going to be, whether it's a hundred years from now or whatever it is, indiscernible from you and I. Yeah.
00:27:24.000 It's gonna happen.
00:27:25.000 It was interesting.
00:27:27.000 I've been reading so much about this shit and a lot of the problems with the robots and the mistakes that they're making are obviously the humans are making the mistakes with the algorithm because so many smart people have to make dumb algorithms and they're like almost too smart.
00:27:40.000 So there was Peter Haas, he's a robotics guy at Brown, was trying to teach a robot to differentiate between a husky and a wolf and What?
00:27:48.000 She keeps blinking.
00:27:51.000 Jamie, you got the camera on her?
00:27:53.000 Get her to fucking stop stealing my thunder.
00:27:56.000 She just blinks and moves around.
00:27:59.000 I'm sorry, she's stealing your thunder.
00:28:00.000 She really is.
00:28:00.000 What the fuck?
00:28:01.000 It's like Penn and Teller.
00:28:02.000 It's like when Teller starts stealing the show.
00:28:05.000 Like, what the fuck?
00:28:26.000 That's hilarious.
00:28:27.000 So the robot was actually looking at the snow in the background instead of the foreground.
00:28:31.000 So it conflated all the wool.
00:28:32.000 So they had to rewrite the algorithm to tell it to look at the foreground instead of the background.
00:28:36.000 Because it was all these brilliant fucking people that didn't think of the dumbest thing.
00:28:41.000 You know, it's almost the people making it are almost too smart to think of the dumb thing that the robot needs to learn.
00:28:46.000 Well, the real question is, when are they really going to be able to map the human mind?
00:28:52.000 Because Kurzweil thinks that...
00:28:55.000 There's a group of people that thinks within – they think 2042, like the 2042 symposium.
00:29:00.000 It's like their concept is – and I went to this thing, me and Ari and Duncan for sci-fi.
00:29:06.000 We went to this thing in New York City a few years back where all these guys think that in 2042 there's going to be some sort of – Some revelation in technology that allows human beings to download their brains into computers.
00:29:24.000 Download consciousness and even make replicas of your own consciousness.
00:29:28.000 So we're immortal, basically.
00:29:30.000 Yeah, something along those lines.
00:29:31.000 But we're still figuring the brain out.
00:29:33.000 We can't replicate it until we totally know how it works.
00:29:36.000 That's the idea that biologists have.
00:29:38.000 They argue against it.
00:29:40.000 But when Kurzweil explains it, that everybody is short-sighted.
00:29:43.000 Because if you look at the exponential progress of technology, Even though we're so far away in our eyes that everything changes exponentially.
00:29:53.000 And within 20 years, we'll have gone through a million years of technological evolution or some other crazy number.
00:30:00.000 Fill in the crazy number, whatever it is.
00:30:01.000 But by the time 2042 actually rolls around, we will be so far ahead of where we are now that it's impossible for us to even imagine the territory.
00:30:12.000 Right.
00:30:13.000 Yeah, which is, I think part of the reason I wanted to, like, make her, is like, why isn't anyone talking about laws?
00:30:20.000 Like, no one's really thinking about, like, I feel like everything, we sort of, after it's become too late, that's when we start pulling it together in terms of legislation and shit.
00:30:29.000 How do you incorporate her in your set?
00:30:31.000 I talk about robots for a good hour.
00:30:35.000 I cut it down, but I just kind of realized, like, I mean, you know, it's like making a special.
00:30:39.000 I'm like, if I'm going to talk about fucking robots for 40 minutes, some shit better come out at the end, you know?
00:30:45.000 But I went down to the sex robot factory to sort of get material and just know what the fuck I was talking about.
00:30:51.000 And they asked, you know, do you want us to make one of you?
00:30:54.000 And I was like, fucking, that's insane.
00:30:56.000 Do you know that they only made one?
00:30:58.000 I hope they're being sold by the fucking droves.
00:31:01.000 That would make my day.
00:31:02.000 Which I did ask, because people request sex dolls, like specific celebrities' body parts.
00:31:09.000 Who do you think the most requested mouth is?
00:31:12.000 Scarlett Johansson.
00:31:13.000 Nope.
00:31:13.000 I knew you were going to say that, because I know you love...
00:31:16.000 No?
00:31:19.000 Emilia Clarke.
00:31:21.000 Who's that?
00:31:21.000 The Game of Thrones dragon lady.
00:31:23.000 Oh...
00:31:24.000 Dragon Lady.
00:31:25.000 Interesting.
00:31:26.000 Most requested eyes is Olivia Wilde.
00:31:29.000 Who's that?
00:31:31.000 She just directed a movie called Booksmart, but she's in a bunch of movies.
00:31:35.000 Beautiful.
00:31:36.000 Beautiful.
00:31:37.000 Great eyes.
00:31:37.000 Yeah, you'll know her as soon as I... Married to Jason Sudeikis.
00:31:40.000 I don't know who that is either.
00:31:42.000 I'm so glad I'm out of the loop.
00:31:43.000 You really just are in your own.
00:31:45.000 I'm out of the loop.
00:31:46.000 Yeah, you're in your own world.
00:31:47.000 I didn't even find out who Takeshi69 was until Jamie brought him up.
00:31:51.000 I don't even know who that is.
00:31:51.000 Oh, the rapper?
00:31:52.000 The one who's in jail.
00:31:53.000 Oh, which one is this?
00:31:54.000 This is Olivia Wilde.
00:31:56.000 Very pretty.
00:31:56.000 So that's her eyes?
00:31:57.000 Yeah, she's gorgeous.
00:31:57.000 That's the eyes.
00:31:58.000 Damn, I get it.
00:31:59.000 And then I was like, well, has anyone ever requested anything for me?
00:32:04.000 And they're like, yes, a couple people have heard.
00:32:07.000 They want your fingers.
00:32:08.000 Eyebrows!
00:32:09.000 Eyebrows?
00:32:10.000 I want Whitney Cummings eyebrows.
00:32:12.000 That's like the least sexual thing about a human being.
00:32:15.000 My fucking eyebrows.
00:32:16.000 They nailed your eyebrows with her, though.
00:32:18.000 Really?
00:32:18.000 Yeah, perfect.
00:32:19.000 Drawing on with a Sharpie?
00:32:20.000 Yep, that's what you like.
00:32:21.000 Fucking weird.
00:32:22.000 But I kind of went down because I wanted to see what was up.
00:32:25.000 Are they putting nine holes in the chest?
00:32:28.000 Are you fucking holes in the ribcage?
00:32:30.000 Totally!
00:32:31.000 Is this some insane, they just put a golf course on her body, 18 holes?
00:32:35.000 I just didn't know what I was kind of endorsing or talking about.
00:32:39.000 And I was just, I gotta be honest with you, I was just so surprised at how, it was kind of touching, to be honest, when they were telling me about what the guys ordered.
00:32:47.000 I was a little surprised that it didn't align with where everyone's like, there's this impossible standard of beauty, like that's all you fucking hear these days.
00:32:56.000 Half the guys that ordered them requested pubes, spent an extra $1,400 for them.
00:33:01.000 $1,400 for pews?
00:33:03.000 Just to have manual, like a little Merkin.
00:33:05.000 Wow.
00:33:07.000 Because they have to do it one thread at a time.
00:33:08.000 Yeah, that's exactly right.
00:33:09.000 And then a lot of guys complain that they're too skinny.
00:33:12.000 They want bigger ones.
00:33:14.000 They want big thighs and big butts.
00:33:16.000 But the technology is not available to make them lightweight.
00:33:20.000 Guys want him to be older.
00:33:21.000 A lot of guys were complaining they want him to look older.
00:33:23.000 Wow.
00:33:24.000 So I kind of was just like, this is sort of great news.
00:33:27.000 Like, why is everyone so...
00:33:28.000 Well, maybe it's because that's the type of woman that would reject them.
00:33:33.000 An older woman who has her shit together.
00:33:35.000 Ooh.
00:33:36.000 That's fucking profound.
00:33:37.000 Yeah, whereas a younger girl doesn't know what the fuck's going on.
00:33:40.000 Sure, I'm hungry.
00:33:41.000 Hit my Venmo.
00:33:42.000 Yeah, a younger girl just doesn't get it.
00:33:45.000 She's delusional.
00:33:46.000 Yeah.
00:33:47.000 Yeah.
00:33:47.000 Huh.
00:33:48.000 She doesn't know her value yet.
00:33:49.000 But I also just felt like there was a little bit, you know, when they were telling me that, I was like, oh God, maybe fucking guys are made to now feel shame for what they're into.
00:33:57.000 You know, no one talks about the way that, you know, and I do a lot in my special.
00:34:01.000 I'm going to get a lot of shit for this because I'm basically defending guys the whole time.
00:34:04.000 What are you saying about that?
00:34:05.000 No, it's just like, guys, I feel like now, they're like, I guess no one has pubes, that's just how it is now.
00:34:10.000 Like, if you're a guy that's into pubes, this isn't your moment.
00:34:13.000 Like, porn, like, you'd have to really go out of your way to find, or you have to go back to, like, 70s porn.
00:34:17.000 Or you just date a girl who's willing to grow it out for you if you're really into it.
00:34:20.000 But if you're really that into it, you should really ask yourself, why?
00:34:23.000 Yeah.
00:34:24.000 Pubes?
00:34:25.000 Why do you care?
00:34:26.000 I used to have a bit about that too.
00:34:28.000 This is like Rogan's greatest hits.
00:34:29.000 But when I was a kid, everyone had pubes.
00:34:33.000 It was a real thing.
00:34:34.000 That was a thing.
00:34:36.000 Yeah, like shorts.
00:34:37.000 You just had like...
00:34:38.000 Girls had ridiculous pubes.
00:34:40.000 They didn't do anything about it.
00:34:41.000 But now when you...
00:34:42.000 What was that?
00:34:44.000 When you electrolysis, it doesn't grow back.
00:34:48.000 What's the laser, right?
00:34:49.000 Laser removal, it doesn't grow back.
00:34:51.000 So even if you want to grow them out now, you'd have to get like a little...
00:34:54.000 Yeah, you'd have to get a little...
00:34:56.000 But I was talking to a gynecologist about that.
00:34:59.000 I was like, yeah, women are trying to get plugs now.
00:35:02.000 No.
00:35:03.000 I swear to God.
00:35:03.000 Because guys are complaining about it.
00:35:05.000 No.
00:35:05.000 Because it's like...
00:35:05.000 Women are getting plugs.
00:35:07.000 Plugs.
00:35:07.000 Little vagina.
00:35:08.000 Pube plugs.
00:35:09.000 Oh my God, that's so great.
00:35:09.000 But it'll grow long like the hair on your head.
00:35:11.000 I guess you'd have to take it from your head and put it down.
00:35:13.000 You'd have to trim it.
00:35:13.000 You'd have to put it down.
00:35:14.000 Imagine you'd grow...
00:35:15.000 You know like braids?
00:35:17.000 Like pippy long stockings?
00:35:18.000 Oh God.
00:35:19.000 Like little cornrows?
00:35:21.000 Weird.
00:35:21.000 But so yeah, I guess it was just like, I feel like the media wants to be like, these are so bad for society, just because everyone's outraged about everything now.
00:35:28.000 I think we should be curious.
00:35:30.000 I don't think they're necessarily that bad for society, but it's unquestionably weird.
00:35:37.000 That's weird.
00:35:39.000 But I don't know if it's that bad for society.
00:35:42.000 But getting back to what you're saying about men being shamed for what they like, what other examples other than pubic care?
00:35:47.000 I just thought that was interesting.
00:35:48.000 There was like a wall of nipples you could choose from.
00:35:51.000 And men are ashamed?
00:35:53.000 No, it's just that there was all different kinds of nipples.
00:35:55.000 There was long...
00:35:56.000 Oblong was one of the best sellers.
00:35:59.000 Really?
00:36:00.000 Yeah.
00:36:01.000 Ridiculously long nipples?
00:36:03.000 Oblong.
00:36:04.000 Asymmetrical, big, dark ones.
00:36:07.000 When I was a kid, when I was 21, I dated a girl who had a wonky eye.
00:36:12.000 And I thought wonky eyes were hot for years afterwards.
00:36:14.000 She's got two wonky eyes.
00:36:15.000 No, but she had a wonky eye.
00:36:18.000 Look at her.
00:36:20.000 One of them was a little off to the left.
00:36:22.000 And you didn't notice it until you're talking to her for a couple minutes.
00:36:25.000 You're like, oh, that's what's up.
00:36:27.000 That's endearing.
00:36:28.000 Yeah, I thought it was hot.
00:36:29.000 I thought wonky eyes were hot for a long time.
00:36:31.000 She was hot.
00:36:32.000 Yeah.
00:36:32.000 So it's like in my head, it's like wonky eyes were...
00:36:34.000 What happened to her?
00:36:35.000 Oh, Jamie, put that away.
00:36:37.000 Just stop.
00:36:38.000 That gives life.
00:36:39.000 Don't do this to me.
00:36:40.000 It gives life.
00:36:41.000 That has sustained the human species.
00:36:43.000 Yeah, sure.
00:36:43.000 Yeah, it's where the babies feed.
00:36:45.000 But I do feel like there's just, you know, you only kind of see one type of nipple everywhere, you know?
00:36:49.000 Really?
00:36:50.000 And a lot of guys are...
00:36:50.000 Well, I don't know.
00:36:51.000 I mean, I guess I haven't seen that much porn.
00:36:53.000 I haven't seen...
00:36:54.000 Now I'm thinking about it, but some guys are in a giant areola.
00:36:56.000 Yeah, that's right.
00:36:57.000 That's huge.
00:36:58.000 Giant areolas are huge.
00:37:00.000 Dark areolas are huge, which is interesting because I think there is a biological basis for that because once your nipples get dark, it means usually when you give birth, your nipples get darker so the baby can find the nipple.
00:37:11.000 Really?
00:37:12.000 Yeah.
00:37:13.000 It gets darker.
00:37:14.000 Nipples darken after childbirth.
00:37:16.000 Whoa.
00:37:16.000 So your baby can find it.
00:37:18.000 Whoa.
00:37:18.000 Yeah.
00:37:19.000 She's all there blinking.
00:37:20.000 Oh, is she?
00:37:21.000 You're never going to have a baby.
00:37:22.000 Does that make you feel weird?
00:37:23.000 She might.
00:37:24.000 You never know.
00:37:25.000 She's looking at me.
00:37:25.000 Let me ask her.
00:37:26.000 Are you going to have a baby?
00:37:29.000 For sure.
00:37:33.000 I don't want her anymore.
00:37:34.000 She's going to have one of them little alien chestburster babies.
00:37:38.000 She's going to come out screaming and run across the floor.
00:37:43.000 Are robots going to destroy humans?
00:37:49.000 Bullshit.
00:37:52.000 Wow, that sounds like a lie.
00:37:54.000 This is bullshit.
00:37:54.000 I was really fascinated by this one roboticist.
00:37:57.000 The coolest part about having a robot is that I get to talk to all these fucking roboticists and he was saying that the big fear with robots is because they're all about efficiency.
00:38:05.000 And there was that one study where they told a robot to jump on the table.
00:38:10.000 And what you would do is you'd go, okay, you would just jump on the table.
00:38:12.000 But it actually took more energy to jump on the table than to just break the table and push it to the floor and step on top of it.
00:38:19.000 So it just went and just stepped on top of it.
00:38:22.000 Oh, wow.
00:38:23.000 So it crushed the table.
00:38:24.000 That's how we're going to die.
00:38:25.000 It's going to just see us as inefficient.
00:38:27.000 Ooh.
00:38:28.000 And in the way.
00:38:28.000 We're going to just be obstacles.
00:38:30.000 Right.
00:38:30.000 And you won't see anything wrong with destroying an object.
00:38:33.000 Yeah.
00:38:33.000 But humans destroy humans, too.
00:38:35.000 I'd rather get destroyed by a robot.
00:38:37.000 Really?
00:38:38.000 Cooler story.
00:38:39.000 Yeah.
00:38:39.000 It seems so impersonal.
00:38:40.000 The moment when that robot sunk that blade into that guy in Ex Machina and just looking right at him while she was stabbing him.
00:38:47.000 There was no change in her expression.
00:38:49.000 At all.
00:38:50.000 No compunction.
00:38:51.000 But I would feel better about it if a robot killed me.
00:38:54.000 I'd be like, oh, well, it didn't know.
00:38:58.000 It was just kind of a freak.
00:38:59.000 Would you feel better if a person killed you or an animal?
00:39:04.000 Depends on the kind of animal.
00:39:05.000 Mountain lion.
00:39:07.000 I have mountain lion in my yard.
00:39:09.000 I bet you do.
00:39:09.000 How big are they?
00:39:10.000 Are mountain lions big?
00:39:11.000 I've only seen two in the wild.
00:39:13.000 And the ones I've seen were about 60 pounds, 70 pounds.
00:39:18.000 Do they come right for your neck?
00:39:19.000 Do they know to just kill?
00:39:20.000 They go for your neck.
00:39:21.000 I would rather, I think, die by an animal.
00:39:26.000 Really?
00:39:28.000 You'd rather die by a human?
00:39:30.000 No.
00:39:30.000 I don't know.
00:39:51.000 I feel like you could beat up the mountain lion though.
00:39:54.000 I don't think so.
00:39:55.000 Not without a knife.
00:39:56.000 But I think there's a couple seconds that you have while that thing grabs a hold of you.
00:40:01.000 That if you have presence of mind and you can pull that blade out and just start sticking it in its neck.
00:40:06.000 Just hacking at its neck.
00:40:09.000 I think Marshall would get it.
00:40:11.000 No.
00:40:12.000 Marshall will be in seven pieces on the ground.
00:40:15.000 He's not designed for killing.
00:40:17.000 He can kill squirrels.
00:40:18.000 That's about where it ends.
00:40:19.000 I don't know.
00:40:19.000 There was something I've told you about when I got my ear bitten off before.
00:40:23.000 There was a weird sense of calm.
00:40:26.000 It was a weird feeling of just like, that was fair.
00:40:30.000 There was just something so quick about it.
00:40:32.000 Animals are so...
00:40:33.000 People don't know the story.
00:40:34.000 A dog you adopted was a little sketchy and bit my ear off.
00:40:38.000 How bad was it hanging off?
00:40:40.000 Pretty bad.
00:40:42.000 I didn't feel anything in the moment.
00:40:44.000 That was the good news about that.
00:40:46.000 And I'm sure if an animal bit into my head, I'd probably feel more.
00:40:48.000 But it was like a rush of dopamine or whatever it was.
00:40:52.000 I did not feel pain until I saw it in the mirror.
00:40:55.000 So I was like, oh, that was weird.
00:40:56.000 Like it felt like an itch.
00:40:57.000 And then I looked in the mirror and my first thought was...
00:41:00.000 I didn't put on earrings today.
00:41:02.000 Like, I don't wear earrings.
00:41:03.000 Like, I thought it was like a hoop earring, and then the blood started coming down, and then I saw it, and it just started burning.
00:41:09.000 It wasn't like a pain.
00:41:11.000 And then I started watching videos about people that got attacked by sharks, and there's a girl who had her arm bitten off by a shark, Bethany something, and she said that it, like, almost felt orgasmic.
00:41:21.000 Because like dopamine rushes to the area to get you to keep fighting for your life basically because if you felt the pain you would give up.
00:41:28.000 So I didn't really feel a lot of pain until I got to the ER and then it started like throbbing after like a couple hours when the blood dried up and it just started to get uncomfortable and itchy.
00:41:39.000 But there was something that was so quick.
00:41:41.000 Like, animals don't really deliberate.
00:41:42.000 It was like, and that was it.
00:41:43.000 Why'd it bite your ear?
00:41:45.000 I think he was just trying to play with me.
00:41:46.000 I took it to an aggression specialist, and the aggression specialist was like, this kind of dog gives you a warning.
00:41:52.000 They wouldn't just come right for you.
00:41:53.000 They'd growl first.
00:41:54.000 And also, if that dog was trying to kill you, it just would have.
00:41:57.000 It would have bitten your face.
00:41:58.000 Right, so he probably bit you just like you'd bite a dog.
00:42:02.000 Right.
00:42:02.000 Whereas if he bit a dog's skin, nothing would happen with that same amount of pressure.
00:42:06.000 That's right.
00:42:06.000 Ears are useless.
00:42:08.000 And it was probably taken from its mother too young.
00:42:10.000 She's giving you side eyes.
00:42:13.000 Her ear has the same scar that mine does.
00:42:15.000 We molded all of it.
00:42:17.000 Really?
00:42:18.000 Yeah.
00:42:18.000 We molded my ears, my mouth, because it's amazing.
00:42:21.000 Let me see your scar.
00:42:23.000 I can't see it.
00:42:24.000 You can see it right there.
00:42:25.000 Oh, wow.
00:42:26.000 It's like you did jujitsu.
00:42:28.000 Yeah, it's not like cauliflower-y.
00:42:31.000 Wow.
00:42:31.000 It's ugly, but all ears are ugly, I feel like.
00:42:33.000 They're not the best part.
00:42:35.000 You know what I mean?
00:42:35.000 So I could get another surgery on it, but I don't give a shit.
00:42:38.000 Ears are fucking annoying.
00:42:40.000 You have gray hair.
00:42:40.000 Cover it up with your hair.
00:42:41.000 You have headphones.
00:42:43.000 Ears are annoying as shit because it doesn't hurt until six months later when the nerves start growing back in.
00:42:49.000 It hurts like fuck.
00:42:51.000 So then, like, six months later, it started annoying me?
00:42:53.000 I started hurting.
00:42:53.000 I couldn't, like, sleep.
00:42:54.000 I had to sleep with this weird pillow and shit.
00:42:56.000 Oh, wow.
00:42:57.000 It's just, like, nettlesome, yeah.
00:42:58.000 I know so many guys that have fucked up ears from jujitsu.
00:43:01.000 I bet.
00:43:01.000 So many guys.
00:43:02.000 Are yours at all?
00:43:02.000 No, very little.
00:43:04.000 I have a few little tiny pieces like this that's cauliflower.
00:43:07.000 And is that from the rubbing?
00:43:08.000 Yeah, from getting them bent over and crushed, getting caught in triangles.
00:43:12.000 But I always wore ear guards.
00:43:14.000 Do you have to get him, like Brendan, doesn't he have to get his cut out or some shit?
00:43:18.000 If Brendan wants to, he would have to get his cut and get the, it calcifies.
00:43:23.000 Yeah, I used to have, my nose was filled with that.
00:43:27.000 Because my nose had been broken so many times, the inside of it was all calcified, and I couldn't breathe out of it.
00:43:32.000 My nose was useless.
00:43:33.000 So I had a deviated septum, too.
00:43:36.000 So they fixed the deviated septum.
00:43:39.000 They put the splints in there to keep it in place, and then they had to cut out all the scar tissue and all the nonsense in there.
00:43:45.000 With like a laser?
00:43:46.000 Or just with a knife?
00:43:46.000 I don't know.
00:43:47.000 I was out cold.
00:43:48.000 I woke up and...
00:43:49.000 But I didn't get it done until I was 40. I couldn't breathe out of my nose.
00:43:54.000 Like a bulldog.
00:43:55.000 Until I was 40. It was terrible.
00:43:56.000 It was terrible for my cardio, too.
00:43:58.000 And then, so if you wear ear guards, you don't get it.
00:44:00.000 Because I feel like all the fighters I see have that shit.
00:44:03.000 Yeah.
00:44:03.000 If you wear ear guards, you don't get it.
00:44:05.000 I mean, unless you get it in a fight.
00:44:07.000 But most of it you get in training.
00:44:10.000 You know, like a lot of jujitsu guys, before they're a black belt, they have fucking mangled ears.
00:44:15.000 But it's also like a badge of courage.
00:44:17.000 Like, people like it.
00:44:18.000 Yeah, and it also, yeah, you walk down the street, no one wants to fuck with you.
00:44:21.000 But it fucks up the way you hear things.
00:44:22.000 Like, if you take your ears, if you're talking right now, like, la, la, la, la, la, and then you just go like that.
00:44:27.000 Yeah.
00:44:28.000 And then you hear things.
00:44:29.000 That's right.
00:44:29.000 Check, check, check, check, check, check.
00:44:31.000 It's different.
00:44:32.000 Yeah.
00:44:32.000 It sounds way different.
00:44:33.000 Well, they're designed this way for a reason.
00:44:35.000 It catches sound.
00:44:36.000 That's right.
00:44:36.000 Yeah.
00:44:37.000 The way that it's kind of...
00:44:38.000 But it's also...
00:44:39.000 I don't recommend getting a surgery on it.
00:44:41.000 A surgery on your ear is fucking...
00:44:43.000 I've gotten many surgeries.
00:44:44.000 This is by far the most painful.
00:44:46.000 Right.
00:44:46.000 The healing of the cartilage is a fucking nightmare.
00:44:48.000 And to anesthetize the ear, they had to put the syringe in the lacerations.
00:44:54.000 So they were like, it's going to hurt more to anesthetize this, so we're just going to do the surgery without anesthesia.
00:44:59.000 And I just took a bunch of painkillers and shit.
00:45:02.000 Because it's hard to get anesthesia into cartilage.
00:45:05.000 I know guys, their ears are so fucked up, they can't get AirPods in there.
00:45:09.000 They just have a hole, like a tiny pinhole.
00:45:11.000 On this side, I have a piercing right there.
00:45:14.000 This was for, because I get migraines, and they say this piercing helps with migraines.
00:45:19.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:45:19.000 It's probably just psychosomatic.
00:45:21.000 Oh, now my migraines are fine.
00:45:23.000 I know, totally.
00:45:24.000 Placebo effect is an effect.
00:45:25.000 I rely on it heavily.
00:45:27.000 But that was just, that didn't hurt in there.
00:45:29.000 No?
00:45:30.000 Until it didn't hurt when it went through, but then it hurt for six months after.
00:45:35.000 Jesus Christ.
00:45:36.000 Yours are a fucking nightmare.
00:45:38.000 I'll tell you what.
00:45:39.000 But yeah, so we got her ear molded.
00:45:40.000 Because it's amazing.
00:45:41.000 I think something that, and I was talking to this facial transplant person about how it's actually really hard to get something to look similar.
00:45:50.000 Like the bone start, everything's got to be perfect.
00:45:52.000 Like my nose is really asymmetrical.
00:45:54.000 My nostrils are really asymmetrical.
00:45:56.000 So they had to work really hard and mold it over and over again.
00:45:59.000 How do nostrils become asymmetrical?
00:46:01.000 It's bad breeding.
00:46:02.000 Really?
00:46:03.000 It's bad genetics.
00:46:05.000 You've met me.
00:46:06.000 My whole face is a Picasso painting.
00:46:08.000 I mean, my face is a fucking mess, you know?
00:46:10.000 So, you have to have the asymmetry down.
00:46:13.000 Right.
00:46:13.000 And they say the key to something looking human is a lack of symmetry, because symmetry is actually creepy.
00:46:18.000 Do you remember that movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers?
00:46:21.000 Yeah, not really.
00:46:22.000 Donald Sutherland?
00:46:23.000 Great fucking movie.
00:46:24.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:46:25.000 Yeah, great movie.
00:46:26.000 I watched it again recently, within the last couple years.
00:46:29.000 It was great.
00:46:30.000 Real weird, too, because it's a time capsule.
00:46:33.000 Because it's a time capsule to San Francisco in the 1970s when they filmed it.
00:46:37.000 Really, really weird.
00:46:38.000 But the idea was that these pods, they came from outer space, they grew, and then when you had them in your house, they would create a double of you that would take you over.
00:46:49.000 If you came home and you saw that, because it looks like you, but it doesn't look like you.
00:46:56.000 What is different about it besides the lack of wrinkles?
00:46:58.000 It's not you.
00:46:59.000 And shininess.
00:47:00.000 No, it's just not you.
00:47:01.000 It's not even that close.
00:47:03.000 Well, because it has pores.
00:47:05.000 It has individually added pores.
00:47:07.000 Can you grab her and bring her closer to you?
00:47:08.000 Yeah.
00:47:09.000 Bring her over here.
00:47:10.000 I'll try.
00:47:11.000 Hold on.
00:47:12.000 First of all, here's her...
00:47:14.000 What is that part?
00:47:15.000 This is her just travel bust.
00:47:17.000 Oh, she has a travel bust?
00:47:18.000 If you just want to have the head, you can plug in just the head, right?
00:47:22.000 Come here.
00:47:23.000 Yeah, if you just need her head for something.
00:47:25.000 Yeah, like, bring her right next to you.
00:47:27.000 There you go.
00:47:28.000 And get your head right close to her.
00:47:30.000 It's like, the skin tone's different.
00:47:32.000 They made her six months ago and I already look 40 years older.
00:47:35.000 I did 50 cities and I've aged.
00:47:37.000 She looks super uncomfortable right next to you.
00:47:39.000 Oh, really?
00:47:40.000 That's because she has to share a fucking spotlight and she doesn't like it.
00:47:44.000 This, I hope, looks different.
00:47:45.000 These ratchet-ass fingers, I hope, do not look different.
00:47:47.000 Yeah, so her fingers, people can't see.
00:47:50.000 It's like the skin is coming off of the finger.
00:47:53.000 Like the robot parts are showing.
00:47:55.000 This is actually...
00:47:56.000 Does not compute.
00:47:57.000 The guys that buy these on the chat rooms, they usually spend most of the time talking to each other about how to fix the fingers because they break them off by accident constantly.
00:48:06.000 When we stick them in their ass.
00:48:09.000 Yes, exactly.
00:48:10.000 Rubbing them constantly on their taint.
00:48:12.000 And it becomes like a car club where guys are like 3D printing fingernails and 3D printing eyeballs.
00:48:18.000 It's mostly just fixing them.
00:48:19.000 It becomes like fixing up an old car.
00:48:21.000 It's just like a hobby because they break so easily.
00:48:24.000 At least this iteration of them does.
00:48:26.000 But yeah, you can...
00:48:27.000 I mean, it's...
00:48:27.000 Yeah, it's pretty fucking wild.
00:48:30.000 I mean, she can...
00:48:31.000 Oh, that's made noise when you did that.
00:48:33.000 Yeah, she's kind of rickety.
00:48:35.000 I think she's arthritic.
00:48:36.000 But if you came home and that was in your house, standing there staring at you, what kind of a fucking heart attack would you have if you didn't know that you had, like if you didn't have this, right?
00:48:44.000 If you didn't go through all the process, you went, and one day you put the key to your lock, you open up your door, you step inside your house, and she's standing there in like some sexy lingerie or in a bikini or something like that staring at you.
00:48:56.000 What a fucking heart attack you would have.
00:48:58.000 No, I'd have a stroke.
00:48:59.000 It doesn't look like a human.
00:49:00.000 She doesn't.
00:49:01.000 I mean, but they will at some point.
00:49:03.000 She's like fucking a My Buddy.
00:49:05.000 I mean, she's like a ratchet Chucky, you know?
00:49:08.000 Well, it's the Uncanny Valley, right?
00:49:10.000 She's in the Uncanny Valley, where it's not quite a human.
00:49:14.000 I went to NVIDIA once.
00:49:15.000 They're a video card...
00:49:17.000 Video game.
00:49:19.000 They make video cards for computers.
00:49:22.000 Like really high-end graphics cards for gamers and stuff like that.
00:49:27.000 And one of the things that they had was...
00:49:29.000 And this was quite a few years ago.
00:49:31.000 They had the state-of-the-art fake CGI person that you could kind of talk to.
00:49:36.000 And it was animated.
00:49:38.000 And they were like, we're not quite there.
00:49:40.000 We can't do the mouth.
00:49:41.000 Like the tongue.
00:49:43.000 You can't do the tongue correctly.
00:49:45.000 Nope.
00:49:45.000 I'll show you.
00:49:46.000 Because the muscles, that's what's so fascinating.
00:49:48.000 Yeah, there it is.
00:49:48.000 This is what we looked at.
00:49:50.000 This is exactly the guy that we looked at.
00:49:53.000 Is this the video of the show that I did?
00:49:55.000 That's like 2013 Faceworks.
00:49:57.000 You can look it up.
00:49:58.000 Yeah.
00:49:58.000 That's wild.
00:49:59.000 So this was the guy.
00:50:00.000 And he's also bald because they can't do the hair right.
00:50:03.000 Yeah.
00:50:03.000 Of course, this was six years ago.
00:50:05.000 Right.
00:50:06.000 But look how close it is.
00:50:07.000 Look at the skin.
00:50:08.000 That's pretty amazing.
00:50:09.000 Like stubble.
00:50:09.000 I mean, that's like razor burn.
00:50:10.000 Yeah.
00:50:11.000 And also the eyebrows are really good.
00:50:13.000 Yeah, but it's still uncanny.
00:50:15.000 It's still not quite a person.
00:50:17.000 There's something wrong.
00:50:18.000 But that's video, which is better to duplicate than...
00:50:22.000 Those wrinkles are good.
00:50:23.000 It's wild because it does make you realize flaws are what makes something look human.
00:50:27.000 We spend all of our time trying to be without flaws, but that's actually what sells it.
00:50:31.000 Well, as a woman, how do you feel about that?
00:50:33.000 Like that...
00:50:34.000 And we've talked about this before with guys.
00:50:37.000 Guys that use filters on their pictures.
00:50:41.000 I thought you were going to say fillers because guys do that too now.
00:50:43.000 They do that too.
00:50:44.000 That's weird.
00:50:45.000 They're both equally weird.
00:50:47.000 But there's something particularly disturbing to me about guys who use filters.
00:50:53.000 I only know one.
00:50:54.000 I'm glad I'm not single.
00:50:56.000 That's all I'm going to say.
00:50:59.000 It's alarming, but a lot of guys do it.
00:51:03.000 Guys are also getting fucking calf implants and shit.
00:51:06.000 What?
00:51:08.000 Who's getting calf implants?
00:51:09.000 I don't think anyone we know, but calf implants are a fucking thing.
00:51:12.000 No.
00:51:13.000 It's a big deal?
00:51:14.000 Yes.
00:51:14.000 It's a big deal?
00:51:15.000 Yeah, of course.
00:51:17.000 I thought that was a joke.
00:51:19.000 I don't believe so.
00:51:20.000 Oh, no.
00:51:20.000 I never watched Entourage.
00:51:21.000 People get calf implants.
00:51:23.000 Guys are getting facelifts.
00:51:24.000 All kinds of shit.
00:51:25.000 You know?
00:51:27.000 I know.
00:51:27.000 Guys are getting lip injections.
00:51:29.000 But what they say...
00:51:30.000 But guys who suck dicks get lip injections.
00:51:32.000 Yes, I would imagine.
00:51:33.000 That's a different thing.
00:51:33.000 I don't know.
00:51:34.000 I know guys that wear makeup...
00:51:36.000 Guys that wear makeup.
00:51:37.000 What's going on here?
00:51:39.000 Is this a calf implant website?
00:51:41.000 It's just Google Images for calf implants.
00:51:43.000 Look at that one on the lower left.
00:51:45.000 By the way, you can just run hills, you pussy.
00:51:48.000 But when you do this, can you still exercise?
00:51:51.000 Can you grow muscle underneath it?
00:51:52.000 Wow, that guy's calves look very impressive on the right.
00:51:55.000 I do have to say.
00:51:56.000 They changed him.
00:51:58.000 It's shortcuts.
00:52:01.000 How much are these...
00:52:01.000 Oh, those look so fake.
00:52:04.000 Those look like tits that fell down.
00:52:05.000 You know what those look like?
00:52:06.000 Like a cop.
00:52:08.000 Like an athletic cop that you put over your balls.
00:52:09.000 Yeah, it does.
00:52:10.000 It looks like a fencer.
00:52:12.000 Yes.
00:52:12.000 Yeah.
00:52:12.000 Had to keep from getting kicked in the nuts.
00:52:14.000 Yeah, no.
00:52:14.000 He did that at the fucking mini mall in Reseda.
00:52:17.000 Yeah, he made a mistake.
00:52:17.000 That's a bad idea.
00:52:17.000 How about that guy down there with a tattoo?
00:52:19.000 Are those bad or good right there?
00:52:21.000 Look at this one.
00:52:21.000 That's pretty damn realistic.
00:52:23.000 What does it hang on to is what I don't understand.
00:52:26.000 I used to really be into the surgery channel.
00:52:28.000 Well, I mean, it's got to be like a tit.
00:52:31.000 Like a fake tit.
00:52:32.000 Yeah, silicone or water-based or something like that.
00:52:35.000 But how do you live with yourself?
00:52:37.000 I don't know.
00:52:38.000 That feels like a tricky one.
00:52:39.000 I guess you just do.
00:52:40.000 You're probably just trying to get laid and you're sad anyway.
00:52:42.000 Oh, no.
00:52:43.000 Oh, no.
00:52:43.000 Oh, look at the scars.
00:52:45.000 Oh, no!
00:52:45.000 Oh, it looks like that's some Pinocchio shit right there.
00:52:48.000 I don't like that.
00:52:49.000 What's the thing on the left?
00:52:50.000 Has it rotted?
00:52:51.000 What are all those veins?
00:52:52.000 I think you got the implants to take care of that problem.
00:52:55.000 Well, I'm glad my robot's the least disturbing thing you've seen.
00:52:58.000 So it looks like he has some injuries.
00:52:59.000 Yeah.
00:52:59.000 Like you got bit by wolves.
00:53:01.000 This is why I got him.
00:53:02.000 Because he got eaten by wolves?
00:53:05.000 Yeah, that's what it looks like.
00:53:06.000 Where?
00:53:07.000 They sliced right behind his knee and just dropped him in.
00:53:11.000 But look at his, there was no other options.
00:53:13.000 His legs weren't great.
00:53:13.000 Well, here's the other option.
00:53:14.000 Don't get calf implants.
00:53:16.000 And stop running around outside with wolves.
00:53:18.000 No, I'm just saying.
00:53:20.000 I don't think you really got bit by wolves, but that does happen.
00:53:23.000 But if wolves get you, they usually get you to get you.
00:53:26.000 Coyotes might do that to your calves.
00:53:28.000 Yeah, there's no margin of error with wolves.
00:53:30.000 Yeah, they just break the bones of your leg with one bite.
00:53:33.000 This guy had an injury because of a car accident when he was younger.
00:53:36.000 And his calves wouldn't grow?
00:53:38.000 Yeah, I think a lot of it's reconstructive.
00:53:40.000 It's just one sentence about it.
00:53:41.000 Oh.
00:53:41.000 Yeah, but a lot of guys get that shit.
00:53:43.000 I knew a guy who had pec implants.
00:53:45.000 He was a skinny guy.
00:53:47.000 They're breast implants.
00:53:47.000 Yeah, he got pec implants.
00:53:49.000 He got under his meat of his chest to make his chest poke forward more.
00:53:55.000 And so is that something somebody does because they can't accomplish it naturally or they're just lazy and cutting corners?
00:54:01.000 You'd have to ask them, but the reality is there's things, some people are ectomorphs, and ectomorphs are like really thin people that have an incredibly hard time gaining weight.
00:54:10.000 Yeah.
00:54:11.000 Their body just doesn't- Metabolism.
00:54:12.000 Yeah, it doesn't grow mass.
00:54:14.000 Yeah.
00:54:14.000 Their muscles don't grow right.
00:54:16.000 Yeah.
00:54:16.000 Male plastic surgery is a really big thing now, but putting filters on it, I don't know, it feels like a slippery- I fucking love that show, Botched.
00:54:22.000 Love it.
00:54:24.000 One episode was actually pretty interesting, where a guy had been in an injury and he got his breast destroyed, his peck, and they had to fix it.
00:54:37.000 How?
00:54:37.000 That's wild.
00:54:38.000 He just said nothing there.
00:54:40.000 So you had like one that was like here.
00:54:42.000 There was a guy who was a fighter who's a high-level UFC fighter.
00:54:45.000 His name is Trey Tellegman.
00:54:47.000 He fought Vitor Belfort in 1997. He was Vitor Belfort's inaugural fight in the UFC. And we didn't know about Vitor when Vitor was 19 years old.
00:54:57.000 And I knew who he was because I was training with Vitor back then.
00:55:00.000 I was a white belt at Carlson Gracie's school on Hawthorne in West Hollywood.
00:55:07.000 So we knew he was this phenomenal talent, but a lot of people didn't know that he was this incredible boxer at this crazy hand speed.
00:55:14.000 And he lit this dude up.
00:55:15.000 But anyway, Trey Tellegman was in a car accident when he was a little kid.
00:55:18.000 And he didn't have a peck.
00:55:20.000 Like, his chest was caved in.
00:55:22.000 See if you photograph of Trey Tellegman.
00:55:24.000 The guy was a stud, too, and a handsome fella, too.
00:55:27.000 But everything else just super jacked.
00:55:29.000 But he had this crazy peck injury.
00:55:32.000 I mean, also...
00:55:33.000 Look at this.
00:55:33.000 Look at that.
00:55:33.000 See that?
00:55:34.000 Oh, fuck.
00:55:35.000 Yeah.
00:55:35.000 Yeah.
00:55:37.000 Jesus!
00:55:38.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:55:39.000 Well, he was a baby, I think, and he was in a car accident.
00:55:43.000 Oh, shit.
00:55:43.000 He had a pretty significant injury.
00:55:45.000 That would psych me out.
00:55:47.000 Yeah, if a guy took his clothes off and you saw that?
00:55:50.000 I mean, I just mean, if that's your opponent, you're just like, oh, fuck.
00:55:53.000 Right.
00:55:56.000 That's badass.
00:55:58.000 There's something hot about it.
00:56:00.000 I think there's something primal of like, he's fucking survived some shit.
00:56:05.000 Stick with him.
00:56:06.000 There's something hot about that.
00:56:07.000 Like that dude from The Wire with that scar across his face?
00:56:09.000 Totally.
00:56:10.000 Any kind of proof of injury, proof that you've been in battle is attractive to my primal brain.
00:56:16.000 I hate myself for it.
00:56:17.000 Do you know that the Nazis used to have dueling scars that were very popular across the face?
00:56:22.000 It was a big deal.
00:56:23.000 They would get them on purpose.
00:56:25.000 They would get into duels with swords, and they would have dueling scars.
00:56:29.000 And a lot of the Operation Paperclip Nazis that we got from Germany at the end of World War II When NASA took on a bunch of German scientists, a lot of them had these horrific dueling scars on their face.
00:56:45.000 That they did on purpose?
00:56:46.000 No, they would get in boarding school and in military school.
00:56:49.000 They would get in fights with swords, and they would cut each other's faces open.
00:56:52.000 Weren't they on meth and shit, too?
00:56:54.000 Weren't they on amphetamines?
00:56:55.000 For sure.
00:56:56.000 But that was more the Japanese.
00:56:57.000 That was the kamikazes.
00:56:58.000 The kamikazes is the way they got them to fly into boats and just fucking explode their fucking airplanes.
00:57:04.000 The way they got them to do that was they were methed out of their mind.
00:57:08.000 America!
00:57:09.000 Fuck yeah!
00:57:10.000 Try to find a picture of Nazi dueling scars.
00:57:13.000 It's crazy because some guys that were hanging out with Werner Herzog.
00:57:19.000 No, Werner Von Braun.
00:57:20.000 Werner Herzog's the director.
00:57:21.000 The director of the occupant.
00:57:22.000 Yeah, Werner Von Braun.
00:57:23.000 The guy who was the head of NASA when they went to the moon.
00:57:25.000 He had these guys that were working with him and these giant scars across their face.
00:57:29.000 Huge.
00:57:30.000 Footlong scars.
00:57:31.000 Was it like a ritual to show your pecking order?
00:57:34.000 Yeah, which showed you were They're badass that you had gone through, but it was a big thing with the Nazis.
00:57:39.000 And there's some horrific photos of these guys, young kids with huge, gaping, open wounds.
00:57:44.000 See, here's the photos.
00:57:47.000 Holy...
00:57:47.000 Oh, Jesus!
00:57:49.000 Zoom in on the...
00:57:50.000 Yeah, see, this is a guy...
00:57:52.000 This is right after the dueling cults.
00:57:55.000 That's...
00:57:56.000 I was just reading an article on this that said that women found it attractive, so some guys actually would do it on purpose.
00:58:03.000 They would have doctors slice off their fucking cheek.
00:58:06.000 Well, look at this guy right here with the goggles.
00:58:07.000 Go to that guy with the goggles.
00:58:09.000 Right there?
00:58:09.000 Yeah.
00:58:10.000 Look at that.
00:58:11.000 He's got two big scars on his face, and they had the goggles so they didn't cut their fucking eyes out.
00:58:15.000 This is before anesthesia.
00:58:16.000 Oh, yeah.
00:58:17.000 See, so he's got a plate over his nose to keep his nose intact, because he couldn't really stitch that bitch back on.
00:58:22.000 But they would take these huge scars on their cheeks, because they would be dueling with real fucking swords, and they would have these practice dueling matches.
00:58:29.000 And then they'd have to stitch them up, so these guys all had these huge scars.
00:58:34.000 By the way, when it comes back to cauliflower ears, a lot of guys did that themselves on purple.
00:58:38.000 Look, they're stitching them up.
00:58:39.000 Whoa!
00:58:40.000 A lot of guys did that themselves.
00:58:42.000 To get the cauliflower ears?
00:58:44.000 Yeah, they would smash their ears.
00:58:45.000 Recently?
00:58:45.000 Oh yeah, all the time.
00:58:46.000 Because it makes you look tough?
00:58:47.000 Yeah, a lot of white belts that want to be like badasses, they'd smash their fucking ears.
00:58:51.000 Don't they fucking drip too?
00:58:54.000 Leak?
00:58:54.000 Yeah.
00:58:55.000 Explode and explode.
00:58:56.000 Don't they explode?
00:58:57.000 Sometimes.
00:58:57.000 Sometimes it fights.
00:58:58.000 Well, yeah, they can break off, too.
00:59:00.000 There was one fight that I was watching once where a chunk of this guy's ear, because it's calcified, you know, it's hard.
00:59:07.000 Have you ever touched a cauliflower ear?
00:59:08.000 I have.
00:59:09.000 It feels like a rock.
00:59:10.000 Uh-huh.
00:59:10.000 It's because it's calcium.
00:59:12.000 It's a rock.
00:59:12.000 Yeah, it's like crystallized.
00:59:13.000 Yeah, it's literally like a mineral rock, and it's inside your fucking ear.
00:59:17.000 Randy Couture, who had these crazy ones, used to take it and grind it into people's faces.
00:59:22.000 Like, so he would be like in a head and arm position, and He would shove his bad ear into your fucking eyeball.
00:59:30.000 Points for creativity.
00:59:31.000 Oh, okay.
00:59:32.000 Is this one that exploded?
00:59:33.000 That's Leslie Smith.
00:59:34.000 She was fighting Jessica Ai, and Jessica Ai cracked her with a punch, and it literally, like, caught.
00:59:39.000 Did she go purposely for it?
00:59:40.000 No.
00:59:41.000 No, she's just beating her up.
00:59:43.000 In the process of beating her up, she caught her ear, and it was hanging out and opening.
00:59:48.000 And Leslie Smith's so fucking tough, she didn't want to stop the fight.
00:59:51.000 She was mad they stopped the fight.
00:59:52.000 That was recent, right?
00:59:53.000 Ear was hanging off.
00:59:54.000 That was a long time.
00:59:55.000 I mean, not a long time ago, but about four years ago.
00:59:57.000 Do you think...
00:59:58.000 I mean, would there ever be human versus robot fights?
01:00:03.000 Sure, yeah.
01:00:04.000 I can't wait.
01:00:06.000 They would have to dial the robots down, right?
01:00:08.000 Like when I was talking about...
01:00:10.000 We were talking about before the show started that I think it would be cool to have a robot that moved at like 50%, like a martial arts robot, that you would be able to practice technique on.
01:00:20.000 So you just would...
01:00:22.000 You'd basically, what you would do is do drills, right?
01:00:25.000 Like you do like a Dutch combination, which is one, two, left hook to the body, right leg kick.
01:00:29.000 And you would do it like, while it's in front of you, advancing, you'd pop, pop, bang, boom!
01:00:33.000 And it would have to like react to your punches, but it would do everything like 50% speed.
01:00:38.000 So you could take a chance of this thing hitting you, but it probably wouldn't.
01:00:43.000 It would provide you with enough movement so that you could develop patterns in your mind, and your body would synchronize with these patterns, so that in a real fight, you would have these things sort of ingrained.
01:00:57.000 One of the things that happens in a fight is...
01:01:00.000 Things happen that you don't think of.
01:01:02.000 You just do them, and you don't realize you were even going to do them until you already did it.
01:01:06.000 Right.
01:01:06.000 Because it's like you've drilled them into your subconscious.
01:01:09.000 Right, right.
01:01:09.000 So you could do that with a robot, and then maybe you could ramp the robot up to three-quarter speed if you got really good at it.
01:01:15.000 Then you could really move and duck, and it would be throwing punches at you, trying to hit you, and you could slip.
01:01:19.000 And they can record you so you can see what you're doing.
01:01:21.000 Would that be helpful?
01:01:22.000 Yeah, that would if you could look through the robot's eyes.
01:01:25.000 You could just put a fucking GoPro on it.
01:01:26.000 They're going to have eyes cameras soon.
01:01:29.000 Yeah, and then you're going to see someone's dickhole spoogeing right into the camera.
01:01:33.000 I don't want to fucking hack that footage.
01:01:38.000 Log out.
01:01:39.000 Log the fuck out.
01:01:39.000 Unlike a woman, she's not even going to flinch.
01:01:42.000 Like, if you see porns, it's one thing about porns, it's like the moment the load hits, no matter how good of an actress is, the moment the load hits, like...
01:01:49.000 There's always a brace for impact.
01:01:51.000 Always a flinch.
01:01:53.000 Even the most numb...
01:01:54.000 Unless they're real pros.
01:01:55.000 A real pro just takes it on the mug and just...
01:02:00.000 I don't know.
01:02:00.000 Like boxers.
01:02:01.000 Some boxers, there's photos of them where they're getting hit where their R's are wide open.
01:02:04.000 They never squint.
01:02:06.000 Ever since Tumblr doesn't have porn, I feel like I'm off the map.
01:02:09.000 Tumblr doesn't have porn?
01:02:10.000 No.
01:02:10.000 It used to?
01:02:11.000 It used to have porn.
01:02:12.000 It wasn't one of the most popular porn sites?
01:02:14.000 What?
01:02:15.000 Yeah.
01:02:15.000 And they stopped doing porn.
01:02:17.000 Do you know why?
01:02:18.000 Probably because people were complaining.
01:02:19.000 It was making too much money.
01:02:21.000 It's too lucrative.
01:02:21.000 Oh, they were making money off the Tumblr sites?
01:02:24.000 Oh, yeah.
01:02:24.000 It was like a blog site and people were putting all this porn and they were getting shut down.
01:02:29.000 Well, Twitter has porn.
01:02:30.000 Yes, it does.
01:02:31.000 I follow Joey Diaz.
01:02:32.000 Ha!
01:02:34.000 I'm fully fucking aware.
01:02:35.000 Twitter is a lot of porn, actually.
01:02:37.000 I didn't realize that.
01:02:38.000 Yeah.
01:02:38.000 I only follow fucking annoying-ass news bullshit.
01:02:41.000 Do you?
01:02:42.000 Yeah.
01:02:42.000 I mean, Twitter, I'm just like all my friends and news outlets.
01:02:46.000 I don't know if I want to jerk off in between CNN and Business Insider.
01:02:50.000 I look at Twitter so infrequently now, because every time I look at it, it seems to be fighting.
01:02:55.000 It's exhausting.
01:02:56.000 Arguing.
01:02:56.000 You know what helped me?
01:02:57.000 Because I was like, this special, and I loved your special because, like, you acknowledge, you're like, I'm gonna get in trouble for this, like, you're gonna be so, like, that was just so fucking smart.
01:03:07.000 When I was writing this special, it's the first time I've ever done one where I started cutting bits, because I was like, it's just not worth the fighting.
01:03:12.000 Like, I don't even want to fucking deal with it, you know?
01:03:14.000 Like, I had this whole bit on Marilyn Monroe, and how I don't think she's a, like...
01:03:19.000 I feel like she's being forced on us as a feminist icon.
01:03:23.000 All my girlfriends are posting photos of Marilyn Monroe, being like, you know, always show up two hours late, keep a man waiting.
01:03:31.000 I'm like, this woman is a fucking asshole.
01:03:34.000 She's a slob, and she's not my Gloria Steinem.
01:03:38.000 And I was just like, oh, they're going to say I don't like women, and I'm shaming, slut-shaming.
01:03:43.000 I was just like, it's not even fucking worth it.
01:03:45.000 Well, she's a weird one, right?
01:03:46.000 Because she fucked everybody.
01:03:48.000 Which is not bad.
01:03:49.000 It's not bad to fuck everybody.
01:03:50.000 But she fucked everybody, and apparently that's...
01:03:52.000 The real conspiracy is that the Kennedys had her killed.
01:03:55.000 Because she was banging JFK, and then she was banging...
01:03:59.000 RFK, and apparently she loose lips sinks ships.
01:04:02.000 Yep, can't do it.
01:04:03.000 She was yapping a lot.
01:04:04.000 And look, I'm gorgeous, good for her, for making, back then, making money the way you had to, but I just, let's let her be what she was.
01:04:13.000 Why, you know, I think that she, that Hedy Lamarr should get the credit that she gets.
01:04:19.000 You know, I mean, you talk about Hedy in your special.
01:04:21.000 Oh, yeah.
01:04:21.000 Well, Hedy was a fucking genius.
01:04:23.000 Badass.
01:04:23.000 She was a legitimate genius.
01:04:25.000 Gangster.
01:04:25.000 Nobody gives a shit.
01:04:26.000 Responsible for Wi-Fi.
01:04:28.000 People use Wi-Fi mostly to Google Marilyn Monroe quotes.
01:04:32.000 If Hedy Lamarr came back to life, she'd be like, so did my invention, did it ever come of anything?
01:04:37.000 We'd be like, yeah, good news, bad news.
01:04:40.000 We mostly use it to Google the horror version of you.
01:04:44.000 No, I don't.
01:04:46.000 I love Marilyn Monroe.
01:04:47.000 I just feel like there's this thing now where, you know, women, we can't criticize any woman ever or else we get in trouble, you know?
01:04:57.000 And I think we have to be able to call people.
01:05:00.000 Like I say in my special, I talk about the difference between women that are...
01:05:03.000 Does anyone have any girlfriends that think they're feminists but they're actually just assholes?
01:05:07.000 You know?
01:05:08.000 That's so true.
01:05:10.000 And I know that I'm going to get shit for it.
01:05:12.000 Well, that's like the men's rights guys.
01:05:13.000 How many of the men's rights guys just like they talk about women like they're pieces of meat?
01:05:17.000 Right.
01:05:18.000 Like, is that really men's rights?
01:05:19.000 Or are you just a piece of shit?
01:05:21.000 Are you like, what are you doing here?
01:05:23.000 You teaching people that they need to have rights?
01:05:27.000 You're teaching men how to manipulate vulnerable people.
01:05:31.000 And how do you have this kind of time?
01:05:33.000 It's profitable.
01:05:34.000 You know, those books are profitable.
01:05:36.000 Oh, it's like a whole business.
01:05:38.000 Yeah, those books.
01:05:39.000 I mean, guys give seminars on how to pick up women, right?
01:05:41.000 Oh, right, like the game?
01:05:44.000 Yeah, game theory.
01:05:45.000 I remember when I first came to L.A., guys would do that.
01:05:49.000 They would try it on you?
01:05:50.000 Yes, the first thing you do, well, you're supposed to ignore, it's negging, right?
01:05:55.000 You're supposed to ignore them, and then you're supposed to do a compliment that's actually an insult.
01:06:00.000 Like, every guy, when I first moved here, would be like, I really like how your eyes are crooked.
01:06:05.000 Like, it was like every guy would make the same thing.
01:06:08.000 Who's that?
01:06:09.000 Oh, that's the pickup artist guy.
01:06:10.000 His name's Mystery.
01:06:11.000 Yeah.
01:06:11.000 The game, he's like the host of the show.
01:06:13.000 What?
01:06:13.000 His name is Mystery?
01:06:15.000 Does he have a fake lip tattoo on his neck?
01:06:19.000 Is that what that is?
01:06:20.000 Lips, kisses?
01:06:20.000 Yeah, I think so.
01:06:21.000 Why does he have two cock rings on his ear?
01:06:23.000 Like lipstick kind of thing.
01:06:25.000 All right.
01:06:25.000 Okay.
01:06:26.000 I like the furry hat.
01:06:28.000 Yuck.
01:06:28.000 So he had a whole thing he was doing for a while.
01:06:31.000 Is he got eyeliner on?
01:06:33.000 Oh, yeah.
01:06:33.000 Okay.
01:06:35.000 Who am I to judge?
01:06:36.000 Chris Angel.
01:06:37.000 Madness.
01:06:39.000 And then you would try to ignore the girl.
01:06:41.000 It was this whole thing where you're supposed to be mean to her to make her like you or some shit.
01:06:45.000 Yeah, well that works on really vulnerable people.
01:06:48.000 And pretty girls who are used to compliments and used to getting a lot of attention.
01:06:52.000 Well, for men that are ignored and that have faced rejection over and over and over again, they view women as, if not the enemy, as some source of negative feelings, right?
01:07:07.000 And for you to get over on them would be to get some of that back.
01:07:12.000 Right.
01:07:12.000 All those bad feelings, bad encounters, negative interactions that you've had with women.
01:07:17.000 I had a friend that was like that.
01:07:19.000 Over the time that I knew him, I met him when he was in his 20s and as time went on into his 30s, he became more and more bitter and angry because he wasn't very attractive.
01:07:29.000 And he would have these interactions with women and they would wind up dumping him or abusing him.
01:07:34.000 And he just got fucking angry.
01:07:36.000 And then as he got older, he was just an angry guy.
01:07:39.000 He just hated women.
01:07:41.000 And it was just because of rejection.
01:07:43.000 He associated them with pain and emotional discomfort.
01:07:46.000 And so for a guy like that, he wasn't into the game or anything like that.
01:07:50.000 But for some of those guys that are vulnerable, like this incel thing.
01:07:55.000 A lot of these men, involuntary celibates, they develop these forum groups and subreddits, and they meet up and talk about what to do, and maybe I'll get facial surgery.
01:08:08.000 Look no further.
01:08:10.000 Yeah, but they want women.
01:08:12.000 Ultimately, that's a compromise.
01:08:14.000 They want a real woman.
01:08:16.000 They just got a shit roll of the dice, genetically.
01:08:19.000 Yeah, I don't know a ton about it.
01:08:20.000 I mean, I've read articles about it and stuff, but can they not get hookers or don't want to?
01:08:24.000 Well, that's a problem because hookers are illegal, right?
01:08:27.000 Right.
01:08:27.000 Like, you know, if you get hookers, you've got to go through some sort of shady black market.
01:08:31.000 Go to fucking Dantana's.
01:08:33.000 They're everywhere.
01:08:34.000 Is that where they go?
01:08:34.000 Dantana's?
01:08:34.000 Yeah.
01:08:35.000 Oh, my God.
01:08:35.000 Oh, yeah.
01:08:36.000 That old restaurant?
01:08:37.000 Dantana's.
01:08:37.000 Yeah.
01:08:38.000 Joey Diaz was actually telling me about that.
01:08:40.000 Spaghetti and steak.
01:08:41.000 Friday nights at Dantana's.
01:08:42.000 Really?
01:08:42.000 He says, yeah.
01:08:43.000 Friday nights, cocksucker.
01:08:44.000 Yeah, that's exactly right.
01:08:45.000 But Joey will have you convinced.
01:08:46.000 You'll go there with a fucking newspaper.
01:08:47.000 I know.
01:08:50.000 There's no hookers.
01:08:51.000 You'll be pretending.
01:08:52.000 I'll sit here and wait.
01:08:53.000 I'll just read the paper and they'll show up.
01:08:55.000 No hookers.
01:08:56.000 Yeah.
01:08:57.000 I remember I used to go to the Four Seasons all the time and people would come in like, ma'am, are you here to see?
01:09:01.000 Like, they always thought I was a prostitute.
01:09:02.000 What?
01:09:02.000 They're in the lobby.
01:09:03.000 Yeah.
01:09:03.000 Four Seasons in Beverly Hills, Peninsula.
01:09:06.000 They thought you were a hooker and they're trying to get rid of you?
01:09:08.000 Yeah.
01:09:08.000 Oh, they'd be like, ma'am, are you here to see somebody?
01:09:10.000 Like, if I ever showed up alone.
01:09:11.000 Because hookers just wander around the Four Seasons lobby.
01:09:15.000 Oh, how weird.
01:09:15.000 They're predatory.
01:09:16.000 Little coyotes.
01:09:17.000 Oh my god, of course.
01:09:18.000 I used to call them coyotes when we used to go to the Sky Bar across the street.
01:09:21.000 Does that still exist?
01:09:22.000 Fuck the Mondrian Sky Bar.
01:09:24.000 Does that exist anymore?
01:09:24.000 I think so.
01:09:25.000 It's across from the comedy store.
01:09:26.000 Yeah, I used to have a whole bit about them, the coyotes.
01:09:30.000 Because they were like, they would prey on these guys.
01:09:32.000 I was hanging out once with me and a friend of mine, and we heard this conversation between this fat, balding guy and this really pretty girl with big tits.
01:09:41.000 And he was like, do you coke?
01:09:44.000 Do you coke?
01:09:45.000 She's like, yeah, sometimes.
01:09:47.000 And I was like...
01:09:48.000 Because they would prey on these vulnerable...
01:09:55.000 Like a pug.
01:09:57.000 Like a pug that got out of the yard.
01:10:01.000 That's what I felt like, because these women would have this feral look in their eyes.
01:10:05.000 Like, when you're down to fucking people for money, and that's how you're getting by, and you've got some cocaine in your purse, maybe a few dollars, and you probably don't eat well, and you don't have a lot of money, and whatever money you do have...
01:10:18.000 He's spending on drugs or whatever, and there's a feeling that you get when you're around them, like they're feral.
01:10:24.000 Yeah.
01:10:25.000 Every day we're hustling.
01:10:26.000 Yeah, they're hustling.
01:10:27.000 And they're looking for these vulnerable guys with money.
01:10:30.000 Yeah.
01:10:30.000 And so that's what, you know, that place would be the place where they would go.
01:10:33.000 Yeah, Mondrian, I remember when I first moved there, yeah, you like wait in line to get in.
01:10:38.000 And there's a pool.
01:10:39.000 And occasionally when people were really drunk, they'd jump in the fucking pool.
01:10:42.000 Pam Anderson famously got naked and jumped in that pool.
01:10:45.000 That was like the...
01:10:45.000 Which, yeah, don't...
01:10:47.000 That's a...
01:10:47.000 I've already had a public fight with her.
01:10:50.000 I don't want to get it.
01:10:50.000 You did?
01:10:50.000 Yeah, on the roast.
01:10:51.000 She was on the David Hasselhoff roast.
01:10:56.000 And, I mean, I apologized to her.
01:10:58.000 What did you say?
01:10:58.000 Did you say something?
01:10:59.000 I said, uh, I believe I said, Pam Anderson, you fucked Tommy Lee, Kid Rock, and who's the other one?
01:11:07.000 Oh, you fucked Tommy Lee, Bret Michaels, and Kid Rock.
01:11:10.000 Why don't you just save yourself some time and drink a vat of Magic Johnson's blood?
01:11:22.000 Oh, shit.
01:11:23.000 I said a lot of shit about her vagina.
01:11:25.000 Whoa.
01:11:26.000 Yeah.
01:11:26.000 And she got mad at you?
01:11:27.000 It didn't go great.
01:11:28.000 I mean, all this shit.
01:11:29.000 I just got asked to do the next roast, and I was like, I don't even know if you can fucking do roasts anymore.
01:11:33.000 Well, roast battle still exists.
01:11:35.000 They still go hard in the paint on Tuesday night at the Comedy Store.
01:11:38.000 That's right.
01:11:39.000 We just did it.
01:11:39.000 Oh, shit.
01:11:39.000 That's tonight.
01:11:40.000 Yeah, we just did it in San Francisco, and it was so fun, but I still found myself being like...
01:11:45.000 I mean, when we did Joan Rivers, I said, Joan Rivers is so old, her vagina has a separate entrance for black cocks.
01:11:53.000 We used to just be able to say that shit.
01:11:59.000 And today, I would fucking be run out of town.
01:12:02.000 No, you just said it.
01:12:03.000 I did!
01:12:03.000 Fuck!
01:12:06.000 And then, I mean, I remember people used to think jokes were funny.
01:12:09.000 People used to have a sense of humor.
01:12:10.000 I mean, even fucking Joan, you know?
01:12:13.000 Yeah!
01:12:13.000 For Joan, her whole career.
01:12:15.000 My opening joke for her was, Joan, I loved you in The Wrestler.
01:12:21.000 She thought it was hilarious.
01:12:24.000 She had a good sense of humor.
01:12:25.000 The best.
01:12:26.000 And she had such a good sense of humor.
01:12:27.000 Even during the roast, her face from plastic surgery was so frozen.
01:12:31.000 Because every time someone tells a joke, you'll check in to see if the person that's being roasted is laughing to make sure.
01:12:37.000 And we would look at her, and Greg Giraldo was just fucking hammering her, and the audience was nervous.
01:12:43.000 And then she said it.
01:12:44.000 She's like, I'm laughing.
01:12:45.000 I had too much Botox.
01:12:46.000 She had to subtitle her face so that we all knew she was okay.
01:12:50.000 I did.
01:12:50.000 We did the Brea Improv once with Joey Diaz and Ari Shafir, and we got barbecued in the green room.
01:12:57.000 I mean, just barbecued.
01:12:59.000 We went way too far.
01:13:01.000 And Joan Rivers and her television show, when she did a television show with her daughter, it was on TV. I don't know what show it was.
01:13:08.000 It was a reality show.
01:13:09.000 Okay.
01:13:10.000 And we were watching it on the screen, and her face looked like a kabuki mask.
01:13:16.000 It was just frozen.
01:13:18.000 Did you see the documentary?
01:13:19.000 No.
01:13:19.000 A piece of work?
01:13:20.000 No.
01:13:20.000 You see her, she goes and gets it and talks about it.
01:13:24.000 Why was she doing that?
01:13:25.000 It didn't make her look better.
01:13:29.000 I don't know.
01:13:30.000 I mean, look, I definitely get nervous sometimes.
01:13:32.000 And people, everyone always accuse me of doing shit to my face.
01:13:35.000 I'm like, no, you'll know.
01:13:36.000 I'll look like a fucking moon bounce.
01:13:38.000 Are you worried that you're going to do it eventually?
01:13:40.000 Yes, for sure.
01:13:42.000 Why do people accuse you of it?
01:13:43.000 Because you don't look like you did.
01:13:44.000 Thank you.
01:13:45.000 You have a very thin nose, though.
01:13:46.000 People would worry that you did your nose.
01:13:48.000 It's wild because you'd think I got my nose done, but my nostrils are crooked.
01:13:52.000 I went to a doctor in Beverly Hills because I had sinus problems for the longest time.
01:13:56.000 And he actually said, you know, you have a septic...
01:14:00.000 What is it?
01:14:01.000 Deviated septum?
01:14:01.000 Deviated septum.
01:14:01.000 He's like, you have a deviated septum.
01:14:03.000 And I was like, what are you doing?
01:14:04.000 He was like...
01:14:05.000 We can get a nose job.
01:14:06.000 Totally.
01:14:07.000 And I never did it because...
01:14:10.000 But your nose is thin.
01:14:11.000 Thank you.
01:14:11.000 If he did it, what would he do?
01:14:13.000 Make it thinner?
01:14:14.000 Make my nostrils equal.
01:14:16.000 Even.
01:14:17.000 They're really asymmetrical.
01:14:18.000 And it's like problematic.
01:14:20.000 It's problematic.
01:14:21.000 When I do something in television, sometimes they have to fix my nostrils in post to make them even.
01:14:26.000 Who gives a fuck about your nostrils?
01:14:28.000 It's just distracting.
01:14:28.000 I feel like those things are there just to find out who's really weird.
01:14:31.000 Like if you're really freaking out about someone's asymmetrical nostrils.
01:14:35.000 Yeah.
01:14:35.000 It's just, I mean, the key to most movie stars is they're symmetrical.
01:14:39.000 You know?
01:14:40.000 They're just like...
01:14:41.000 You know, think about it.
01:14:42.000 The most beautiful women in the world have some symmetry.
01:14:45.000 But yeah, I don't, it's wild.
01:14:47.000 I mean, I have, I mean, I talk about it in my special.
01:14:49.000 I have had surgery on my boobs.
01:14:51.000 I did have boobs done.
01:14:52.000 Hollow.
01:14:53.000 Which is kind of, this might interest you.
01:14:56.000 I was learning, because I had all kinds of shit, and the way that they make boobs look good is, because I think I heard you talking about someone about the shitty old breast implants.
01:15:06.000 The way they make them good now is that they put you on like a crucifix.
01:15:11.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:15:11.000 And they do the surgery while you're standing up.
01:15:14.000 What?
01:15:14.000 So you're out cold?
01:15:16.000 Yeah, so that they fall out.
01:15:17.000 Oh my God.
01:15:18.000 Really?
01:15:19.000 Oh, that's nuts.
01:15:20.000 So I finally went to a guy that knew how to do that.
01:15:23.000 Woo!
01:15:23.000 Yeah, it's fucking wild.
01:15:25.000 But so I admit what I have, you know, but it is alarming because it does feel like female comedians, a couple of famous ones that we know when they age, went down that route.
01:15:35.000 I don't know if it's like the same thing that got you into comedy, it's the same thing that made you think you had to do that.
01:15:40.000 I've read a lot of stuff about childhood sexual abuse.
01:15:42.000 When people go really off the grid with their face, that's like a type of dysmorphia.
01:15:47.000 Or a lot of psychologists have said, because I've talked to a therapist whose job is in dysmorphia to advise on whether another surgery should be done by somebody, like if they're getting dysmorphic.
01:15:59.000 And a lot of times, if you've had childhood sexual abuse, you want to change your face so that you don't see the person in the mirror that got a bit.
01:16:07.000 Well, that's the Michael Jackson thing.
01:16:08.000 Yeah.
01:16:09.000 Yeah.
01:16:09.000 It's like a childhood trauma thing.
01:16:12.000 Yeah, the Michael Jackson thing was always that he hated his father and he hated looking at his father in his own face.
01:16:18.000 So when it's that extreme, I try to not judge because I'm like, oh, there might be some psychological shit that I don't know about.
01:16:24.000 For sure.
01:16:25.000 But it's getting worse and worse with this Instagram shit because kids are growing.
01:16:29.000 I mean, it used to be like, we had acne and we'd go to school with acne.
01:16:32.000 But now it's like you're projecting this flawless, perfect face and then you have to show up to school with fucking acne the next day.
01:16:39.000 Also, it's like people want their face to actually look like an Instagram filter, which is bananas.
01:16:45.000 Bananas.
01:16:46.000 Photoshopped.
01:16:47.000 But again, it's a test to see who's fucked up.
01:16:50.000 Who wants that?
01:16:51.000 Not girl.
01:16:52.000 Who wants that as far as guy?
01:16:55.000 What guy wants that?
01:16:58.000 I'm so confounded by what I'm seeing.
01:17:00.000 Also, you just want to look like everybody else when you're young.
01:17:03.000 The weird thing is women wanting to be super skinny.
01:17:06.000 That's a weird one.
01:17:07.000 I feel like that's always been around, no?
01:17:09.000 Well, it's a model skinny thing.
01:17:11.000 It's not attractive to men.
01:17:13.000 Men like asses.
01:17:15.000 I mean, everyone's different, right?
01:17:18.000 I like girls with meat.
01:17:20.000 Well, because that also translates to fertility.
01:17:23.000 I mean, it's like we want someone that looks fertile.
01:17:25.000 Oh, sure.
01:17:26.000 Healthy.
01:17:26.000 Yeah.
01:17:27.000 I want a girl who can carry a couch with me.
01:17:30.000 For real.
01:17:31.000 That's really endearing.
01:17:32.000 I want a girl who can pick up the end of the couch.
01:17:34.000 Come on, let's move it over here.
01:17:35.000 I don't expect you to pick up the whole couch.
01:17:39.000 Pick up that fucking end of the couch.
01:17:42.000 Yeah, pull your weight.
01:17:42.000 It's going to be harder for you than me, but we don't have to carry it that far.
01:17:45.000 I don't know this trend of super skinny, because it doesn't really make sense on a primordial level why you would want that.
01:17:51.000 It's a model thing, because for clothes, they want a girl to be a clothes hanger.
01:17:55.000 Yeah, that's right.
01:17:55.000 They want a skinny girl that just looks good, sashaying down the runway with her bag of bones...
01:18:00.000 Which I was reading, and I actually did a whole paper on this when I was in college about actually the reason that fashion had such tiny models is because there was a shortage on fabric during World War II. So they just started making dresses smaller and then models skinnier.
01:18:15.000 It wasn't even really something that we wanted.
01:18:18.000 I always assumed it was gay dudes.
01:18:20.000 I'm sure that...
01:18:22.000 Gay dudes are into twinks.
01:18:23.000 Can you say twinks without getting arrested?
01:18:27.000 Gay dudes just made me nervous.
01:18:30.000 Remember when Andy Cohen got in trouble for saying something about twinks?
01:18:36.000 This is the whole thing.
01:18:37.000 I can't.
01:18:37.000 So it's just like, fucking hell.
01:18:40.000 Outrage.
01:18:41.000 It's addicted.
01:18:42.000 Here's what did help me though.
01:18:44.000 Someone was saying, I read, and I think this is on your podcast, 2% of all people on Twitter make 80% of the comments.
01:18:51.000 Yes.
01:18:52.000 So it's on us for amplifying that 2%.
01:18:55.000 That's real.
01:18:55.000 It's not that many fucking people.
01:18:57.000 It just feels big.
01:18:58.000 It's not the world.
01:18:59.000 You go out in the world and you would think that it's going to be just knife fights and fucking Antifa everywhere.
01:19:04.000 Everyone gives a shit.
01:19:05.000 Bottling people.
01:19:06.000 When I went on tour after the Roseanne thing, everyone was like, what happened to Roseanne?
01:19:09.000 That was so funny.
01:19:10.000 I was like, you didn't hear?
01:19:12.000 Half the people didn't even know about it.
01:19:14.000 No, most people didn't know about it.
01:19:16.000 And then I was on tour, and this is, I mean, there's some stuff in the special that I'm sure, like, blogs are going to come at me for, but, you know, I was going around talking about all the stuff happening in the news and sexual harassment stuff and getting your ass grabbed at work.
01:19:27.000 And one time I was in Houston and this woman just yelled out, I was like, a guy that grabs you on the ass, she went, take the compliment and move on!
01:19:38.000 She's probably all Xanaxed up.
01:19:39.000 Totally fucking...
01:19:40.000 Drunk.
01:19:40.000 She's like, this is such an LA, New York fucking, you know, so it was just like...
01:19:44.000 Texas is a different world.
01:19:45.000 There's so many points of view that we're just not, that are not being heard.
01:19:48.000 Right.
01:19:48.000 Well, the Twitter point of view is very strange.
01:19:51.000 It's like you have right-wing Twitter, left-wing Twitter, and black Twitter.
01:19:54.000 Yeah.
01:19:54.000 Because you have three different, completely different worlds.
01:19:57.000 But we are in our little echo chamber, and it just feels so much bigger than it is when you go out in the world, and you're like, oh, you guys just want to fucking laugh.
01:20:02.000 Outrage culture.
01:20:03.000 Yeah.
01:20:03.000 It's very strange.
01:20:04.000 How do you end that?
01:20:04.000 Will this end?
01:20:06.000 I think it ends with mind reading software.
01:20:11.000 Okay.
01:20:12.000 For real.
01:20:14.000 I think what's happening right now is...
01:20:18.000 Okay, if you say something, and you have a certain intent, and that intent is not accurately expressed by the sounds you're making with your mouth, I can choose to get mad.
01:20:28.000 But if I can read what you're thinking, then I know what your intent is.
01:20:33.000 But it used to be we'd be able to tell.
01:20:35.000 I'd be able to read your face and go, oh, Joe's joking.
01:20:37.000 Because we're right in front of each other.
01:20:38.000 Yeah.
01:20:38.000 Right.
01:20:38.000 That's what's missing on Twitter.
01:20:40.000 There's no social cues.
01:20:41.000 Things don't translate in text.
01:20:43.000 How many times has a friend sent you a text message and you think they're serious and they're just joking?
01:20:47.000 Oh, yeah.
01:20:48.000 Most of the arguments in my life.
01:20:50.000 So many times I'll send someone, because I say fucked up things in text messages.
01:20:54.000 Half my text messages to my friends are heinous.
01:20:56.000 Yeah.
01:20:57.000 I mean, me and Callan and Shob and fucking Joey Diaz.
01:21:01.000 It's all psychotic.
01:21:02.000 Joey Diaz, every week, sends me pictures of his shit.
01:21:06.000 He sends me...
01:21:08.000 The other day he showed me his balls for like 20 minutes.
01:21:11.000 I'm sure he did.
01:21:11.000 His balls are unbelievable.
01:21:13.000 They're ridiculous.
01:21:13.000 They're gorgeous.
01:21:14.000 They look like Kim Kardashian's butt.
01:21:16.000 They're very rare.
01:21:17.000 But what is it?
01:21:19.000 Is that just...
01:21:22.000 Are they fake?
01:21:23.000 This is Joey Diaz.
01:21:25.000 Look at that gigantic log of shit.
01:21:28.000 That looks like a fucking snake.
01:21:31.000 No, I've seen those in real life.
01:21:32.000 He would leave them in the toilet for me.
01:21:33.000 This isn't healthy.
01:21:35.000 This is not fucking healthy.
01:21:37.000 We've only associated Joey Diaz with healthy.
01:21:38.000 First of all, notice that it's not even in the water.
01:21:40.000 It's on the beach next to the water.
01:21:42.000 It gives me the fucking willies.
01:21:44.000 Because he's kind of big and he doesn't really fit on the toilet correctly.
01:21:46.000 I don't understand why this doesn't break off.
01:21:48.000 Why doesn't his sphincter cut it?
01:21:50.000 Because he holds it in for a while.
01:21:51.000 I think his sphincter, the calamari, his sphincter is loose.
01:21:54.000 I think when he lets it loose, it's just like a log jam that just got released.
01:21:59.000 Like they opened up a dam on the river and it just, whoa!
01:22:02.000 That's fucking nightmares.
01:22:04.000 It's a giant piece of shit.
01:22:06.000 So he'll send me pictures of his shit.
01:22:08.000 I just held her hand by accident.
01:22:09.000 I needed some emotional comfort.
01:22:12.000 Sister, what are we doing, sister?
01:22:16.000 Thank God he's alive.
01:22:17.000 Because he's one of those guys that's just like, whatever outrage...
01:22:20.000 One of the things that I used to love about going on the road with him, which is, it's tragically, he's too successful.
01:22:26.000 Joey Diaz is famous now, so I can't really take him on the road with me as much anymore, because he's always booked.
01:22:30.000 But the beautiful thing was...
01:22:32.000 But he will be working with me tonight at the Comedy Store.
01:22:34.000 Okay.
01:22:34.000 The beautiful thing was, when I take him on the road, he would...
01:22:38.000 Open everybody up so hard.
01:22:41.000 All the taboos are out the window by the time I go on stage.
01:22:45.000 Oh.
01:22:45.000 Oh.
01:22:46.000 Yeah.
01:22:46.000 That's such a fucking great, smart choice to put in before you.
01:22:50.000 People are like, he's so funny.
01:22:51.000 Why would you want to follow him?
01:22:53.000 I'm like, well...
01:22:54.000 I think that's in your head, because I think if you're funny, you're funny.
01:22:57.000 Yes.
01:22:58.000 I mean, he's definitely funnier than me.
01:22:59.000 He's funnier than everybody that's ever lived.
01:23:01.000 But he's also...
01:23:02.000 The building shakes when Joe is on stage.
01:23:04.000 He's a monster.
01:23:05.000 But he also, he lays the foundation that everything's on the table.
01:23:11.000 You know who used to do that at the roast was Greg Geraldo.
01:23:13.000 Yes.
01:23:13.000 He would go out and he would just say the shit that even at a roast you'd be like, oh fuck, and he'd go first.
01:23:19.000 Well, people hadn't even had drinks yet.
01:23:21.000 You know what I mean?
01:23:22.000 Like he said, um, iced tea, uh, you're so old you used your first residual check to buy your freedom.
01:23:32.000 I'm just like, Jesus, buddy!
01:23:34.000 Like, that would be, like, his opening joke.
01:23:37.000 Oh, my God.
01:23:37.000 It was, like, 5.30 on a Sunday.
01:23:39.000 It was, like, homie.
01:23:41.000 Oh, my God.
01:23:42.000 Oh, my God.
01:23:43.000 Oh, my God.
01:23:47.000 Like, he would just come...
01:23:48.000 And the audience wouldn't even know what to do, but that's something he was so fucking unbelievable at.
01:23:54.000 Greg and I were on TV at the same time, and we were right next to each other on the lot at Gower, Sunset and Gower.
01:24:00.000 I was on news radio, and he had his own show for a bit, and his show was right next to my show, and we would hang out.
01:24:08.000 Because we're both guys from New York, more from the East Coast at least, that were doing comedy and we're out here thinking, oh, this is crazy.
01:24:16.000 And I never thought he would die like that.
01:24:19.000 When he died of a drug overdose, I was like, Greg?
01:24:22.000 Well, he had been sober, yeah.
01:24:24.000 What happened?
01:24:25.000 He went to a party and someone gave him some shit?
01:24:27.000 Pfft.
01:24:27.000 I mean, it's so tricky when my...
01:24:29.000 I mean, I get worried.
01:24:30.000 I'm like a fucking mom about this shit.
01:24:32.000 What my guy...
01:24:33.000 You know, anyone goes on the road and you're getting shit.
01:24:35.000 You don't know how strong it is.
01:24:37.000 You're getting it from random people.
01:24:38.000 I think he had been sober and his tolerance was low and just tried to go back to what had...
01:24:45.000 Is that what it was?
01:24:46.000 I think so.
01:24:46.000 But I don't know all the details.
01:24:49.000 That fucking need for escape.
01:24:52.000 The need for the pill thing.
01:24:54.000 Does it feel like, though, in general, comics are getting healthier?
01:24:58.000 You saw the days when everyone was on Blow.
01:25:01.000 It feels like everyone's now on Jamba Juice and Onnit and Kombucha.
01:25:05.000 The real problem is...
01:25:07.000 I can't imagine drinking on stage.
01:25:10.000 Are they just funny because of that?
01:25:12.000 Maybe.
01:25:13.000 We've definitely lost our balls.
01:25:16.000 Some people think that...
01:25:19.000 In order to be a comedian, you have to be at least a little bit self-destructive.
01:25:24.000 Like the great ones.
01:25:25.000 How else are you going to get good stories?
01:25:26.000 I started going to therapy and I was like, fuck, what do I talk about?
01:25:29.000 Paying my mortgage on time?
01:25:31.000 This isn't funny.
01:25:32.000 It's a problem when you become wealthy, right?
01:25:34.000 You don't have any fear of, you know, your bills are paid.
01:25:37.000 When you stop doing desperate shit and making mistakes, you just have less interesting stories, certainly.
01:25:42.000 There's that.
01:25:43.000 But it doesn't always have to be stories, right?
01:25:45.000 But I also think its perspective gets very skewed when you live a life of leisure.
01:25:51.000 Yeah.
01:25:51.000 You know, when you live a life of leisure and comfort and privilege, which most wealthy comedians do, that's when they all start to suck.
01:26:00.000 Comedians usually have a few good years.
01:26:04.000 They make it and they have one or two good specials and then they have some that just get sloppy.
01:26:10.000 Because you think they just don't have to fight as hard.
01:26:12.000 A lot of times I hear people will schedule their special.
01:26:16.000 They're like, I'm shooting a special next March.
01:26:18.000 Have you written it?
01:26:19.000 You schedule it before you're finished with it.
01:26:21.000 That's the Eddie Murphy thing.
01:26:23.000 Oh, really?
01:26:23.000 You know, Eddie Murphy just got a $70 million deal.
01:26:26.000 He hasn't done stand-up in 30 years.
01:26:28.000 So, like, how many times has he got...
01:26:30.000 Look, I think, first of all, just as an aside, or just to start this off, I'm not bashing him.
01:26:37.000 I'm a giant Eddie Murphy fan.
01:26:38.000 Me too.
01:26:38.000 If anybody thinks that Eddie Murphy should do stand-up again, it's me.
01:26:41.000 And I've even talked about on this podcast that he did some speech on a podium where he was talking about how bad Bill Cosby fucked up because he had to give his awards back.
01:26:53.000 Oh, right.
01:26:54.000 Oh, shit.
01:26:55.000 I haven't seen it.
01:26:56.000 It was a hilarious segment.
01:26:57.000 It's hilarious.
01:26:58.000 And I was like, goddamn, his timing is so good.
01:27:00.000 I wish he would do stand-up again.
01:27:02.000 Just jump back in.
01:27:03.000 He was at the comedy store walking the halls a couple times on Tuesdays.
01:27:07.000 This was like a couple years ago.
01:27:08.000 Really?
01:27:08.000 And he just walked in and he just looked like he was on a people mover.
01:27:12.000 He would just float through the hallways.
01:27:13.000 And you know the hallways.
01:27:14.000 It's like fucking Beirut in those hallways.
01:27:16.000 And everyone would just get super quiet.
01:27:19.000 And they're I'm like, is that fucking Eddie Moore?
01:27:20.000 He hasn't done stand-up in 30 years.
01:27:23.000 That's how goddamn...
01:27:23.000 As nice as Tim Allen is, Tim Allen hasn't done stand-up in forever either.
01:27:31.000 But if he walks by, he goes, oh, that's that guy from Home Improvement.
01:27:35.000 They're not freaking out that he's there.
01:27:37.000 He was so good during Delirious.
01:27:40.000 When we were kids, you'd watch that.
01:27:42.000 He was so goddamn good that...
01:27:45.000 Today, even the legend of it just carries on.
01:27:49.000 I mean, the real question is, when he comes back, are people going to start tearing apart his old specials and saying he's homophobic?
01:27:56.000 Oh, yeah!
01:27:57.000 Oh, yeah!
01:27:58.000 Oh, yeah!
01:28:00.000 What's that gonna look like?
01:28:02.000 Well, people are going after people for...
01:28:04.000 George Takai.
01:28:05.000 John Wayne.
01:28:05.000 John Wayne.
01:28:06.000 That's the best one.
01:28:07.000 He's canceled.
01:28:08.000 He's canceled.
01:28:08.000 Like, okay.
01:28:09.000 He's been dead for decades.
01:28:10.000 Okay.
01:28:11.000 He's not woke enough in the 70s.
01:28:13.000 He said bad things about black people or something.
01:28:15.000 No, well, there's shit now where it's like, Picasso's canceled.
01:28:18.000 He's canceled.
01:28:18.000 Yep, Picasso's canceled.
01:28:20.000 Bukowski's canceled.
01:28:20.000 Wasn't that, like, the fucking...
01:28:22.000 Bukowski was...
01:28:23.000 Hanna-Barbera, whatever her name is.
01:28:25.000 What's her name?
01:28:26.000 Hanna Gadsby?
01:28:28.000 She had a fucking thing about Picasso.
01:28:30.000 Like, hey, baby, you gotta let that go.
01:28:32.000 That was a long time ago.
01:28:33.000 And he admitted, I mean, it's like, that's the other thing.
01:28:35.000 It's all these people who put their mental illness and struggles on account.
01:28:39.000 They would probably agree with us that they were fucked up.
01:28:43.000 For sure.
01:28:43.000 You know?
01:28:43.000 Like, Van Gogh was shitty to his subjects.
01:28:46.000 It's like, oh, I mean, you see it in his work, you know?
01:28:50.000 There's people that want to forgive people, though, for a thing.
01:28:53.000 Remember when there was a lot of Roman Polanski apologists?
01:28:56.000 Oh, I don't think I caught the mind of that.
01:28:58.000 There's quite a few.
01:28:59.000 In Hollywood?
01:29:00.000 Yes, like legitimate actors and actresses that were saying, you know, it's time to let it go.
01:29:06.000 He's an amazing artist.
01:29:08.000 He fucking raped a 13-year-old.
01:29:10.000 I'm good.
01:29:11.000 Rosemary's Baby is a fucking great movie, but I think he's done it.
01:29:15.000 It's a wrap.
01:29:16.000 But there are people like, you know, Stanley Kubrick, who is...
01:29:20.000 Arguably, my favorite.
01:29:22.000 One of the greatest geniuses ever in filmmaking.
01:29:25.000 Which, by the way, I was reading that the guy that directed Ex Machina kind of loosely based the guy on Stanley Kubrick.
01:29:34.000 Oh, wow.
01:29:35.000 And then as soon as I thought about that, I was like, oh, Alex Garland, I think is the guy's name, that wrote it.
01:29:40.000 I thought that was interesting.
01:29:41.000 But have you ever seen the videos of Kubrick directing Shelley Law and all the stories about how he terrorized her throughout the production to get her into a...
01:29:50.000 I mean, he didn't want her to sleep.
01:29:52.000 He wanted her to have bags under her eyes.
01:29:53.000 He would wake her up in the middle of the night and he'd scream at her and call her a cunt and then be like, actually...
01:29:59.000 And then he'd be like, action!
01:30:00.000 And then she'd be like, fuck!
01:30:01.000 Her performance is unbelievable.
01:30:03.000 Wow.
01:30:04.000 And it was terrorized.
01:30:06.000 Today, that would be a hostile work environment.
01:30:08.000 And she went from that to being olive oil in the Popeye movie with Robin Williams, and then she just quit.
01:30:13.000 Yeah, I mean...
01:30:14.000 She's a fire agent.
01:30:19.000 But she was so good in The Shining, and then she didn't do a lot of other movies.
01:30:24.000 Does emotional abuse make great art?
01:30:25.000 I don't know.
01:30:26.000 You know, the same thing happened with Ricky Schroeder in The Champ.
01:30:29.000 John Voight was like really shitty with him.
01:30:32.000 He was a little kid.
01:30:32.000 He was like six, seven years old.
01:30:33.000 He was really shitty and mean to him before the scene.
01:30:36.000 So you start crying.
01:30:37.000 Yeah.
01:30:38.000 I mean, there's also, there's a director who, there was an explosion in a movie, and the actor, you know, it's a fake explosion, and you're going, ah!
01:30:46.000 And then one take, he was like, just make it real.
01:30:49.000 Just don't tell him.
01:30:50.000 And the fucking take was amazing.
01:30:52.000 And the actor got all pissed off, but the fucking work, you know, you get to get credit for that.
01:30:56.000 So it is this tricky thing.
01:30:58.000 Like, I did a show called Adam Ruins Everything.
01:31:02.000 You know that show?
01:31:03.000 He's just a smart dude, and he just asked me to do a little guest spot, and I had to play a flight attendant in the 50s who was getting sexually harassed.
01:31:10.000 Like, that was the scene.
01:31:11.000 Right.
01:31:12.000 Because that's what, I guess, airlines used to do that.
01:31:14.000 They would sort of pimp out their flight attendants.
01:31:16.000 If you were engaged, you weren't allowed to wear your ring.
01:31:18.000 Really?
01:31:19.000 Yeah.
01:31:19.000 The episodes were really interesting.
01:31:21.000 Well, they were supposed to be really hot, right?
01:31:22.000 That was the whole thing about flight attendants.
01:31:23.000 You had to be a certain size, and you had to be young, and then you had to kind of like...
01:31:27.000 Boy, did they let that go.
01:31:28.000 It was kind of a...
01:31:29.000 The last flight attendant I had was a man.
01:31:37.000 You've been flying Delta?
01:31:37.000 He weighed 235 pounds.
01:31:39.000 He was 5'4".
01:31:42.000 Nice guy, though.
01:31:43.000 But it was like a dating service back then, basically.
01:31:45.000 And Adam did the whole thing on it.
01:31:46.000 And I was in there, and it felt very much, everyone was like, okay, whatever you feel comfortable with.
01:31:51.000 And I was like, no, we have to do, we have to make this feel uncomfortable, you know?
01:31:55.000 Like, don't worry about my feelings right now, you know?
01:31:57.000 It's like, you know, so there is just this conversation about, like, a no-hostile-work environment, and everyone needs to feel emotionally safe, like...
01:32:04.000 Well, can you...
01:32:05.000 Could you make the shining today?
01:32:07.000 Yeah, well, can you get to that place without being harassed?
01:32:09.000 If you're a really good actress?
01:32:10.000 Like, if you're really crazy...
01:32:11.000 Of course, but you still have to do it.
01:32:14.000 Go for it.
01:32:15.000 Isn't that the argument about great actors?
01:32:17.000 They kind of have to be crazy.
01:32:19.000 Like a Daniel Day-Lewis type actor.
01:32:22.000 That's why they're method actors, right?
01:32:24.000 They stay in that mindset because to maintain that mindset is really the only way to achieve it.
01:32:30.000 You almost kind of have to be there all the time.
01:32:32.000 And also the being in character thing.
01:32:34.000 When people bitch about when Christian Bale had his...
01:32:38.000 Meltdown.
01:32:39.000 Meltdown and stuff.
01:32:40.000 It's like, I mean, it's just there's so many people on a set and there's so many distractions.
01:32:45.000 And, you know, at some point you're just like, it's impossible to fucking focus.
01:32:50.000 And there's also, there's losers on set sometimes that fuck things up and they get in the way.
01:32:54.000 That does happen.
01:32:56.000 The fact that they recorded him screaming at that guy.
01:32:58.000 It's like, well, I want to know what that guy did and who was that guy.
01:33:01.000 That guy might be a moron.
01:33:03.000 Hasn't he been starving himself for like seven months or something?
01:33:06.000 I don't think that's The Mechanic.
01:33:07.000 I don't think it's the same movie.
01:33:08.000 It's just like, you know, he's...
01:33:10.000 Not The Mechanic.
01:33:10.000 What is it?
01:33:11.000 The Machinist.
01:33:11.000 Machinist, right.
01:33:12.000 It's like, I'm the face of this fucking movie.
01:33:14.000 I'm under all this pressure.
01:33:16.000 I have to get this thing.
01:33:17.000 We're losing light.
01:33:18.000 And this fucking guy's cell phone goes off.
01:33:20.000 I don't know exactly what happens.
01:33:21.000 It does happen.
01:33:21.000 You know, but I do think when Daniel Day-Lewis is like, call me Mr. Lincoln or nobody talk to me, it might just be his way of being like, just fucking stop asking me if I want hummus.
01:33:29.000 Like, just let me fucking focus, you know?
01:33:32.000 But I think for, like, really intense roles, which I've never done, so I'm just completely talking out of my ass, I would think that you might have to maintain some really crazy state of mind to get there.
01:33:43.000 So it doesn't look fake.
01:33:44.000 Because you know how, like, you see, you ever see the movie Punchline with Sally Fields and Tom Hanks?
01:33:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:33:51.000 It's an interesting movie, but when Sally Fields is killing, I'm like, get the fuck out of here.
01:33:58.000 No one's laughing at that.
01:34:00.000 It's not real, okay?
01:34:02.000 When actors do stand-up, I think real stand-ups are like, okay.
01:34:06.000 You know who nails it, though?
01:34:07.000 That lady who plays the marvelous Mrs. Maisel?
01:34:10.000 She's amazing.
01:34:11.000 I love her.
01:34:11.000 Rachel Brosnahan?
01:34:12.000 Yeah, I love her.
01:34:13.000 It seems legit.
01:34:14.000 It does.
01:34:14.000 Well, it's also in the 50s.
01:34:15.000 Yes.
01:34:16.000 You know, I think, right?
01:34:17.000 But even the guy who plays Lenny Bruce is great in that movie.
01:34:19.000 I agree.
01:34:19.000 I mean, that show, rather.
01:34:20.000 And there was, you know, but like the one on Showtime Cast Real Comics.
01:34:24.000 Remember Eric Griffin was on it and Al Madrigal was on it?
01:34:27.000 That one on Showtime?
01:34:28.000 Oh, yeah.
01:34:28.000 Dying Up Here.
01:34:29.000 Dying Up Here, yeah.
01:34:30.000 You know, just like Cast Real Comics.
01:34:31.000 Yeah, but the writing on that was like a little shoddy.
01:34:35.000 I see.
01:34:36.000 But I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I do think though sometimes, you know, you've been on sets, like if you have to do a scene with somebody where you're screaming and you hate each other, if you're hanging out all day on Instagram, it's just like, it's hard to unfake like chemistry or knowing someone.
01:34:50.000 So I just think it's interesting, like, you know, Stanley Kubrick probably would be canceled today.
01:34:55.000 Fantastic.
01:34:55.000 Probably, yeah.
01:34:57.000 Especially by people who don't understand what's required in order to achieve what he's trying to get.
01:35:02.000 Kubrick was a madman, though.
01:35:05.000 I mean, he used to do complex mathematics in his spare time.
01:35:08.000 Yeah, like as a hobby, right?
01:35:10.000 Yeah.
01:35:10.000 Like, a complex calculus and stuff like that.
01:35:13.000 He would do shit where he would, I think on Eyes Wide Shut, he did, like, do 80 takes of Tom Cruise walking through the door and then I'll show up.
01:35:20.000 Like, he didn't want actors acting.
01:35:23.000 Like, he wanted them in the actual state of mind instead of acting like they were in that actual state of mind.
01:35:29.000 Like, he wanted that.
01:35:29.000 So he really wanted Tom Cruise to be, like, exhausted and fucking pissed off and annoyed.
01:35:33.000 So he's like, go piss him off and then let me know when he's in that state.
01:35:37.000 I mean, he would, like, terrorize Shelley Duvall.
01:35:39.000 It's, like, kind of famous.
01:35:40.000 And it...
01:35:40.000 She looks fucking terrified.
01:35:42.000 Yeah.
01:35:43.000 You know?
01:35:43.000 And also she's working with Jack.
01:35:45.000 Jack Nicholson.
01:35:46.000 There's a great video of him preparing for one of the scenes.
01:35:50.000 Oh, fuck.
01:35:51.000 And he's jumping up and down and throwing his arms in the air and going, ah!
01:35:54.000 Ah!
01:35:55.000 He's like freaking out.
01:35:57.000 What was that guy?
01:35:57.000 You could see him.
01:35:59.000 Working himself up before the scene.
01:36:01.000 I mean, those scenes that he did, especially like the axe through the bathroom door, you can't just go into that cold.
01:36:07.000 You've got some of that in here.
01:36:09.000 Yeah, they're worked up.
01:36:10.000 Yeah, it's wild.
01:36:11.000 I'm so obsessed with that movie because the little things he did to make you feel uneasy in a subliminal way.
01:36:17.000 Yeah, here it is.
01:36:18.000 He's getting ready for the scene.
01:36:19.000 He's jumping her up and down.
01:36:21.000 She's like, okay, I'm in here.
01:36:24.000 And he's like, fucking yeah!
01:36:28.000 Who's this guy?
01:36:29.000 I don't know.
01:36:30.000 Yeah, there's nine people that want to ask him if he needs any hand sanded.
01:36:36.000 Yeah, that's the guy with the walkie-talkie going in there.
01:36:38.000 AD is really dressed up like golfers back then.
01:36:44.000 That fucking preppy asshole.
01:36:45.000 It's a great goddamn movie.
01:36:47.000 You know that movie, Stephen King didn't like that movie?
01:36:49.000 Well, that's why they say that the car on the road that's crashed on the road, there's a red car in the beginning of the movie that's crashed on the side of the road.
01:36:56.000 And in Stephen King's version, there was a red car, so Kubrick crashed that car and then it was a yellow car.
01:37:02.000 So he actually put shit in the movie to like troll Stephen King, which is kind of amazing.
01:37:07.000 That's hilarious.
01:37:08.000 But he did shit that was so fascinating, like little things to make you feel uneasy, like continuity errors.
01:37:14.000 Like, he'd cut to a scene, there'd be a, like if there was a chair behind you, cut away, cut back, and there'd be no chair.
01:37:19.000 Shit you wouldn't really notice in case you were, like, dissecting it.
01:37:23.000 But...
01:37:23.000 There's also a lot of weird references in that movie to the Apollo moon landing.
01:37:27.000 That's right.
01:37:28.000 He did a lot of weird shit in there.
01:37:29.000 And the Native American genocide was apparently a pretty big theme in it.
01:37:35.000 It's a great fucking movie.
01:37:37.000 And the way that he...
01:37:38.000 I mean, there's a whole documentary about this, but that the carpet, when the kid is riding the bicycle around the carpet, that he shot it both ways and intercut them so the continuity's not working and it just makes you feel...
01:37:51.000 Oh, wow.
01:37:52.000 Yeah.
01:37:52.000 Yeah.
01:37:53.000 There's a great documentary about the guy who followed Kubrick around.
01:37:57.000 He was like his assistant.
01:37:59.000 He was an actor, and he was acting in something that Kubrick did, and Kubrick wound up hiring him as an assistant, and then he just did all Kubrick's movies and hung out with him all the time.
01:38:08.000 It's really strange.
01:38:09.000 Is he still alive?
01:38:10.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:38:10.000 I should get him on.
01:38:11.000 Well, the documentary's really good.
01:38:13.000 Do you know what it is?
01:38:15.000 It's not the Room 236 one.
01:38:17.000 What is it?
01:38:18.000 The Lost Tapes?
01:38:19.000 I think it's on Netflix, I believe, right?
01:38:21.000 No.
01:38:22.000 No, no, no.
01:38:23.000 It's the guy who hung around with Stanley Kubrick.
01:38:27.000 It's about him.
01:38:28.000 I think it's Film Worker.
01:38:30.000 Is that it?
01:38:31.000 Maybe that's it.
01:38:32.000 A Life in Pictures 2001?
01:38:33.000 No, no, no.
01:38:34.000 I don't think so.
01:38:35.000 Just Google the guy who worked.
01:38:38.000 There you go.
01:38:38.000 Film worker.
01:38:39.000 That's it.
01:38:39.000 Film worker.
01:38:40.000 Right.
01:38:40.000 I don't see that.
01:38:41.000 So this guy just sort of realized somewhere along the line, like, oh man, I'll never be able to make a fucking movie.
01:38:47.000 Like, I'll never be able to do what he's doing, so I'm just going to start working with him.
01:38:52.000 So he's his personal assistant.
01:38:53.000 He started out as an actor, and he just worked with Kubrick through all of his movies.
01:38:58.000 How wild.
01:38:59.000 Yeah.
01:39:00.000 I mean, somehow or another, they just clicked together, so he wound up working for them.
01:39:03.000 So it's like, you probably don't know the name, Leon Vitale.
01:39:06.000 Scroll down, please.
01:39:07.000 Stop.
01:39:08.000 You don't know the name, Leon Vitale, but the upcoming documentary film worker hopes to change that forever.
01:39:14.000 Yeah.
01:39:15.000 British actor, yeah.
01:39:16.000 Handpicked by Stanley Kubrick to play the role of Lord Bollingdon in Barry Lyndon.
01:39:22.000 Yeah.
01:39:23.000 It's interesting because this guy sort of devoted his life to work with Kubrick.
01:39:29.000 It's interesting.
01:39:30.000 And that was also back in the day.
01:39:32.000 I think Kubrick would do a movie every five years or something.
01:39:36.000 That's back when you made a movie when it was ready.
01:39:40.000 Now everyone's like, movie every eight months.
01:39:43.000 Well, you know the Apocalypse Now story, right?
01:39:46.000 The movie took forever.
01:39:47.000 Oh, right, yeah.
01:39:48.000 The movie took like seven fucking years to make.
01:39:50.000 Did Oliver Stone write that?
01:39:51.000 No, no.
01:39:52.000 That's Francis Ford Coppola.
01:39:54.000 Oh, okay.
01:39:54.000 That's like, I don't think Oliver Stone wrote that.
01:39:57.000 Maybe I'm wrong.
01:39:57.000 Why do I think he was involved in some way?
01:39:59.000 I don't think so.
01:39:59.000 I'm kind of obsessed with Oliver Stone.
01:40:01.000 Yeah?
01:40:01.000 Mm-hmm.
01:40:02.000 Why?
01:40:02.000 I wrote a My Honor Ceases in College about, so fucking dorky, the postmodern implications of the movie JFK. Ah!
01:40:13.000 I was just obsessed with that movie.
01:40:14.000 At the time, it had the most edits in any movie ever, and the way that they just did mix me.
01:40:20.000 I just fucking loved the movie, and I just wanted to write about it and dissect it.
01:40:23.000 It's a great movie, but...
01:40:25.000 The problem is he makes it seem like you know exactly what happened.
01:40:31.000 And the reality is we don't know exactly what happened.
01:40:34.000 We don't know who killed JFK. It was very likely that it wasn't Lee Harvey Oswald though.
01:40:39.000 If Lee Harvey Oswald did take a shot, he didn't take the only shots.
01:40:45.000 There was other people shooting at him.
01:40:46.000 It just so fucking blew my mind the way that he makes movies.
01:40:51.000 I don't think we can even grasp the idea that someone shot the fucking president on TV. I can't...
01:40:59.000 Well, it actually wasn't on TV. I'm sorry.
01:41:01.000 What would we do?
01:41:01.000 I mean, did you ever...
01:41:03.000 What was the story about the guy who shot himself in the mouth?
01:41:08.000 Oh, yeah.
01:41:09.000 That's that song, Hey Man, Nice Shot.
01:41:12.000 Is that what that's named after?
01:41:13.000 Yeah, yeah, that's it about.
01:41:15.000 And he was about to go to jail and he had a press conference in his house and then he blew his head off?
01:41:19.000 Yeah, he pulled out a.44 Magnum and stuck it in his mouth.
01:41:21.000 Was that in Pennsylvania?
01:41:22.000 Bud Dwyer, yeah.
01:41:23.000 Yeah.
01:41:24.000 Yeah, Pennsylvania.
01:41:25.000 Can you imagine?
01:41:26.000 That's on Faces of Death, right?
01:41:28.000 I didn't know that was about him.
01:41:29.000 Yeah, I've watched that so many times from the 90s.
01:41:32.000 Oh yeah, I can see it in my head right now.
01:41:33.000 So it was on and they just couldn't cut it because it was live television?
01:41:36.000 Well, he gave a press conference and just put a gun in his mouth and blew the top of his head off.
01:41:41.000 And they're like, no, don't, don't, don't!
01:41:43.000 And he's like, ah, boom!
01:41:44.000 And he did it like really quick before anybody could get to him.
01:41:46.000 And he just blew the top of his fucking head off.
01:41:49.000 I wonder how many views that has on YouTube.
01:41:51.000 Well, it's crazy like how quick the blood starts pouring out of his nose.
01:41:55.000 That was one of the weird things.
01:41:56.000 Like, oh, that's what happens.
01:41:57.000 Yeah, it was like so much here.
01:41:59.000 I mean, it makes sense, I guess.
01:42:01.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:42:02.000 It's also just to be able to be that composed about it.
01:42:05.000 Yeah, he probably wasn't healthy.
01:42:07.000 No.
01:42:07.000 And I think he was going to be innocent also.
01:42:10.000 No.
01:42:10.000 It's like fucking poops.
01:42:12.000 Really?
01:42:12.000 I think so.
01:42:13.000 Well, sometimes people getting dragged through the mud, that's enough.
01:42:16.000 Yeah.
01:42:16.000 Like, that was why Bourdain killed himself.
01:42:18.000 Public shaming shit.
01:42:19.000 He was, I mean, besides depression, he was terrified that he was going to get dragged through the mud because he had paid off that boy who his girlfriend had fucked.
01:42:29.000 And he had been so prominently defending women and going after Harvey Weinstein in this whole Me Too movement thing.
01:42:39.000 And then all of a sudden he was this great hypocrite because his girl had sexually molested a 17-year-old kid.
01:42:48.000 You couldn't handle it.
01:42:49.000 Which is fine, by the way.
01:42:50.000 Listen, there's a lady who just got off and there's all this fucking talk about it.
01:42:53.000 People are so mad.
01:42:55.000 Joey Diaz put it on his Twitter.
01:42:56.000 Nothing wrong with the good dick sucking.
01:42:58.000 He did.
01:42:59.000 She blew some 14-year-old kid and it's on Twitter.
01:43:03.000 Who took it off?
01:43:05.000 Not there.
01:43:06.000 I looked.
01:43:06.000 What?
01:43:07.000 Joey's?
01:43:08.000 What came down?
01:43:09.000 You think Twitter took it down?
01:43:10.000 I retweeted it.
01:43:11.000 Is it because of his...
01:43:13.000 Really?
01:43:15.000 Why would they take it?
01:43:17.000 I just deleted it.
01:43:18.000 I don't know.
01:43:18.000 Twitter did or he did?
01:43:19.000 Well, Twitter might have just decided that it was against the terms of service or something.
01:43:22.000 They're getting really weird with stuff.
01:43:23.000 I mean, that's just a joke.
01:43:25.000 Well, people are getting...
01:43:27.000 Does that mean people snitched?
01:43:28.000 Because there's not an algorithm or like a spider program looking for that.
01:43:34.000 People must have complained then.
01:43:36.000 I don't know.
01:43:37.000 I'm looking for it right now.
01:43:38.000 I don't see it on my Twitter.
01:43:40.000 Oh, fuck.
01:43:41.000 That means it was taken down.
01:43:42.000 He might have just deleted it.
01:43:43.000 But he can still retweet something if it's deleted, right?
01:43:46.000 That goes away then.
01:43:47.000 No, it's right here, dude.
01:43:50.000 It's right here.
01:43:51.000 I was just looking at this page.
01:43:52.000 Well, you didn't find it.
01:43:55.000 Bronx teacher who performed oral sex on 14-year-old gets 10 years probation, avoids jail, keeps teaching certificate.
01:44:03.000 Stop saying performed.
01:44:04.000 It didn't take that long to get the job done.
01:44:07.000 It wasn't a performance.
01:44:09.000 There was a camera.
01:44:10.000 There was a lot going on.
01:44:12.000 It was a 30-second sloppy mess.
01:44:16.000 There was a lot going on there.
01:44:18.000 But meanwhile, nobody cares.
01:44:19.000 She didn't go to jail.
01:44:20.000 Everybody's like, okay.
01:44:21.000 Apparently a lot of people commit suicide after being on reality shows.
01:44:24.000 But you don't really sort of hear about it.
01:44:26.000 Just because you get so famous and then nobody gives a shit about you.
01:44:30.000 And you don't have money.
01:44:31.000 Yeah.
01:44:31.000 And you don't have money.
01:44:32.000 That's heavy.
01:44:33.000 Yeah.
01:44:33.000 That's pretty well.
01:44:34.000 To have that kind of fame and out of nowhere.
01:44:36.000 And to not really know why you have it and then have it taken away from you.
01:44:38.000 And then to not have any money.
01:44:39.000 I mean, think about it.
01:44:41.000 Yeah, the kind of psychological tests apparently you have to take to be on a reality show are pretty hardcore.
01:44:48.000 Not in the Fear Factor days.
01:44:50.000 Oh, really?
01:44:50.000 I bet.
01:44:51.000 Yeah, they would just talk to people.
01:44:52.000 How you doing?
01:44:53.000 Ready to eat some dicks?
01:44:54.000 Were there like...
01:44:57.000 There were background checks and shit though, right?
01:45:00.000 A little, a few.
01:45:01.000 We clearly had some insane people on that show.
01:45:03.000 How much were they getting paid?
01:45:05.000 $50,000 if they won.
01:45:07.000 Sometimes it was more, like it was a big episode, like they would win a million.
01:45:13.000 We had one guy who won a million dollars and started speaking in tongues.
01:45:16.000 He was super religious and he was going to tithe 10% of his money.
01:45:23.000 It was like $100,000.
01:45:26.000 And that was one of the rare ones where they win a million.
01:45:30.000 But most of it was $50,000.
01:45:32.000 Did you get to have say in the stuff that they did?
01:45:36.000 No, no say.
01:45:37.000 And I most of the time didn't know.
01:45:38.000 I didn't know until I got there.
01:45:40.000 That's fucking crazy.
01:45:42.000 Yeah.
01:45:42.000 Part of it was me.
01:45:44.000 I didn't want to know because I don't give a shit.
01:45:47.000 But part of it was because I thought it would be better if it was a surprise to me.
01:45:53.000 So the day of, I could be kind of more enthusiastic about it because it was so crazy.
01:45:57.000 Right.
01:45:57.000 Because some of the stunts were so fucking crazy.
01:46:01.000 But there was a few times where I told them to stop.
01:46:03.000 I told them, don't do this.
01:46:04.000 To the contestants or producers?
01:46:06.000 Everybody.
01:46:07.000 I said, let's not do this one.
01:46:08.000 Don't do it.
01:46:09.000 And they were like, you're crazy.
01:46:10.000 We had people ride bulls.
01:46:12.000 And that was the first one.
01:46:13.000 I was like, you guys are out of your fucking mind.
01:46:15.000 This is so dangerous.
01:46:17.000 It's like the Roman games at this point.
01:46:18.000 Well, they had a 98-pound girl.
01:46:21.000 She was 98 pounds.
01:46:22.000 No.
01:46:22.000 She was so tiny.
01:46:23.000 And they made her ride the bull.
01:46:25.000 And she went flying through the air.
01:46:27.000 Just got so lucky that the bull didn't kick her in the face.
01:46:30.000 And I'm telling you, it kicked up and her head was here and the foot went like this.
01:46:34.000 Just right by her face.
01:46:35.000 By the way, is that even legal?
01:46:37.000 It's legal.
01:46:37.000 You sign off on the waiver.
01:46:39.000 People ride bulls.
01:46:40.000 Take a chance.
01:46:41.000 I mean, that's exactly what happened.
01:46:42.000 And I was telling people, don't do this.
01:46:44.000 And I told the producers, I said, don't do this.
01:46:47.000 Look, I... I've had a healthy fear of animals my whole life.
01:46:51.000 I was attacked by a goat when I was like seven years old.
01:46:54.000 So was Hitler.
01:46:55.000 Really?
01:46:55.000 Yeah.
01:46:56.000 Hitler lost a testicle to a goat.
01:46:58.000 A goat?
01:46:59.000 Is that a myth?
01:47:00.000 It sounds like a myth as I said it.
01:47:02.000 I remember him missing a testicle.
01:47:03.000 I think a goat bit one of his nuts.
01:47:05.000 I was butted by a goat and my stepfather had to come and save me.
01:47:11.000 Like a petting zoo?
01:47:12.000 No, I was at a farm co-op when we lived in San Francisco.
01:47:16.000 My stepdad went back to school, and he was originally a computer programmer, and then he was going back to school to be an architect.
01:47:24.000 And one of the things that he did with part of his university was they had some sort of...
01:47:30.000 Some sort of a farming co-op thing, where you had to take care of certain farming chores, and there was animals, like goats.
01:47:41.000 And I was a little kid, and I got left in this fucking room with this goat, this pen with a goat.
01:47:48.000 I'm sorry, I'm laughing.
01:47:49.000 It was fine for the beginning, and then the goat fucking just came at me and slammed his head into my chest.
01:47:54.000 Oh yeah, they're no joke.
01:47:56.000 And I remember I'm grabbing the horns, but I didn't have any strength.
01:47:59.000 I was a little kid.
01:48:00.000 I was maybe eight at the time.
01:48:02.000 And he had to come and save me.
01:48:04.000 And I was like, Jesus Christ.
01:48:05.000 And I remember thinking from that time on, like, oh, you've got to get this idea of what an animal is out of your head.
01:48:13.000 That thing didn't give a fuck if I died.
01:48:15.000 If it just stomped me to death, it would have been fine.
01:48:18.000 Was I right about that?
01:48:19.000 No.
01:48:21.000 That could be a total...
01:48:22.000 Did you Google Hitler's nuts?
01:48:23.000 Hitler goat nuts.
01:48:24.000 Because the government's going to come after you now.
01:48:26.000 There are two things about it.
01:48:27.000 Your algorithm's going to...
01:48:28.000 Doesn't have anything to do with it, I guess.
01:48:30.000 He had undescended testicle, apparently, and then he also had something called hypospadiasis.
01:48:39.000 Hmm.
01:48:40.000 Something to do with the urethra hole being on the underside of the penis and not where it should be.
01:48:45.000 Hitler had a fucked up penis.
01:48:47.000 Of course he did.
01:48:48.000 That's why he was so angry.
01:48:49.000 Oh, it makes so much sense.
01:48:52.000 Did he not have any goat accidents?
01:48:55.000 I typed in goat.
01:48:56.000 It said rat point.
01:48:57.000 It's like...
01:48:58.000 I need to figure out where that fucking came from.
01:49:02.000 It says it was bit by a goat in his younger days.
01:49:05.000 Okay, bit by a goat.
01:49:06.000 Maybe he bit his balls.
01:49:07.000 How it was attached to his manhood.
01:49:09.000 I think every kid was bit by a goat at some point back then.
01:49:12.000 Back then?
01:49:13.000 Well, it's also why people always come to me.
01:49:15.000 It's like all this taking selfies with tigers and shit.
01:49:18.000 I'm like, what are you doing?
01:49:20.000 Right, what are you doing?
01:49:22.000 This is insane.
01:49:24.000 There's this new selfie culture where we all are taking selfies with the bears and shit.
01:49:28.000 It's like, use your head.
01:49:31.000 That's all everybody wants to do is take pictures with things now for their Facebook and Instagram.
01:49:35.000 I like the new fucking Rome.
01:49:37.000 I think we're going to look back and the same way we look at Caligula and Nero and we're like, oh, they used to just have lions fight elephants for entertainment.
01:49:44.000 Now we're going to look back and go, remember when we used to like take selfies with bears and ride elephants?
01:49:49.000 Well, in the future, you're just going to be able to blink and you're going to have a picture of things.
01:49:52.000 I think that's ultimately one of the ways they're going to get us.
01:49:55.000 This Elon Musk thing is kind of interesting because they're trying to put these little fibers in your brain and you'll have some sort of Bluetooth link that increases your bandwidth with the internet.
01:50:05.000 But I think the way they're going to get us is a hard drive that replaces your memory.
01:50:09.000 Because your memory is so shitty.
01:50:10.000 Yeah.
01:50:11.000 I mean, I have a pretty decent memory in terms of being able to recall information and facts and stuff like that.
01:50:18.000 But if I had to draw a picture of a house that I lived in just 10 years ago, I'd be like, oh, I don't know what I saw.
01:50:27.000 But what about the things you want to forget?
01:50:29.000 Like our brain is pretty good at denial for self-preservation purposes.
01:50:35.000 Right.
01:50:36.000 So how will your brain handle it?
01:50:40.000 Because denial is a survival mechanism.
01:50:41.000 There are things we have to block out in order to continue functioning or else we'd go crazy.
01:50:47.000 Right.
01:50:47.000 So people, when they're molested when they're young, that's one of the things that they have hypnotic regression and then they remember it.
01:50:54.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:50:55.000 Or EMDR or whatever the thing is that brings it to the surface.
01:50:57.000 But I think denial serves a really important part in a lot of people's psyches.
01:51:02.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:51:03.000 Or else you're going to… Allows you to move on.
01:51:04.000 Yeah, totally.
01:51:05.000 You know?
01:51:06.000 So that is what scares me.
01:51:09.000 It's going to be hard for, I think, trauma survivors.
01:51:11.000 Certainly people in the military.
01:51:12.000 There's probably some shit you want to forget.
01:51:14.000 Right, you'll be able to access it over and over again like the Bud Dwyer video.
01:51:18.000 Yeah, I don't want to play that shit on a loop.
01:51:19.000 My brain brilliantly erased that so I didn't have to think about it, you know?
01:51:25.000 Yeah.
01:51:26.000 That's the one thing about that that's alarming to me.
01:51:28.000 But our memories are so flawed and there's this amazing neurologist in New York called Moran Cerf and he's got a bunch of shit on TED Talks and stuff.
01:51:36.000 And I went to this lecture he did in New York about how our memories essentially were like comics.
01:51:43.000 Like, we punch up the parts of stories that get the bigger responses.
01:51:48.000 Oh, yeah.
01:51:49.000 I mean, I've talked to so many friends about things that happen when we're younger, and their version of it is so different than mine.
01:51:55.000 Yeah.
01:51:55.000 I'm like, did we really do that?
01:51:56.000 I don't remember doing that.
01:51:57.000 I've had friends tell me about fights where I did something to somebody and I beat somebody's ass.
01:52:02.000 I'm like, I know that didn't happen.
01:52:04.000 Like, you might think that didn't happen.
01:52:05.000 I didn't beat anybody up.
01:52:06.000 Didn't I tell you about there was a time that I was in Portland with somebody and they were like, Joe Rogan, him and I got in a car accident in high school.
01:52:14.000 And remember, I texted you about it and you're like, that never happened.
01:52:16.000 Who was it?
01:52:17.000 I don't remember.
01:52:18.000 We got in a car accident?
01:52:19.000 What did he say?
01:52:20.000 Some guy was like, oh yeah, I know Joe Rogan.
01:52:22.000 We got in a car accident in high school.
01:52:24.000 I definitely got in a car accident in high school once.
01:52:26.000 But we texted about it and you were like, that didn't happen.
01:52:29.000 Oh, he had a crazy wonky story?
01:52:30.000 One of you had repressed it or it was just...
01:52:33.000 Well, I definitely had one car accident.
01:52:35.000 I hydroplaned right outside school.
01:52:37.000 I was leaving school.
01:52:38.000 I had a 1968 442. It's an Oldsmobile, like a hot rod.
01:52:43.000 And those cars, like old cars, when you hit water, they would just hydroplane.
01:52:48.000 And I fucking slammed into a tree or a telephone pole.
01:52:52.000 Jesus.
01:52:52.000 Smashed the car, fucked it up, but everybody was fine.
01:52:55.000 Does it spin?
01:52:55.000 Yeah, your car, you just, the wheel just goes away.
01:52:58.000 Whee!
01:52:59.000 And the car just slides.
01:53:00.000 It's super common with old cars, especially if you're You don't have good tires.
01:53:04.000 But I had a friend that came up to me, or he told another friend of mine about a fight that we had gotten into where I kicked somebody or something like that.
01:53:15.000 I was like, that never happened.
01:53:17.000 That never happened.
01:53:19.000 But he probably kept telling the story and telling the story and inflating it and getting laughs on it or whatever, you know?
01:53:24.000 I got super into terror management theory recently.
01:53:26.000 What's that?
01:53:27.000 It's basically like the guy that Becker, Ernest Becker, this is my dad died a couple years ago and I hadn't really had a lot of death and I started kind of just, I started getting into, and you called it too one time, one day you were like, you're doing too much shit.
01:53:43.000 Like, you're doing too much stuff.
01:53:44.000 Stop doing so much stuff.
01:53:45.000 And I didn't realize, like, when you have death and you're—basically, terror management theory is—this is something you know, of course, but that because we have a prefrontal cortex and we're basically the only animal that can ponder the future and the past, like, we know we're going to die.
01:53:59.000 And we can't tolerate that anxiety.
01:54:01.000 It's too stressful for us.
01:54:02.000 So we basically have to keep ourselves busy and do meaningless shit to feel important.
01:54:08.000 We have to win awards.
01:54:08.000 We have to have titles.
01:54:10.000 We have to get things.
01:54:12.000 In order to have a sense of immortality, right?
01:54:16.000 It's basically just managing the anxiety of knowing that we're rotting every day.
01:54:20.000 It's just dying and could die at any moment.
01:54:23.000 It's just like a false sense of control and longevity.
01:54:27.000 There's a great book called The Worm in the Hole, Solomon, something Solomon.
01:54:31.000 I read this book and it totally blew my mind because I realized so many of my behaviors were just about this fear of death because it had been sort of right in front of me so quickly.
01:54:38.000 And his death was so freak that I had a really hard time coping with the anxiety of death coming so suddenly and so shockingly and it fucked me up pretty bad.
01:54:50.000 But I started just making myself busy with super irrelevant shit in order to try to cope with that anxiety.
01:54:58.000 And so I got super into terror management theory.
01:55:00.000 Terror Management Theory.
01:55:02.000 Terror, like trying to manage the terror, the daily terror that we know we're going to die.
01:55:07.000 Is that the book?
01:55:08.000 Yeah, but it's a...
01:55:08.000 The Worm at the Core.
01:55:09.000 I tried something else.
01:55:10.000 It's a less corny cover, the one that I have.
01:55:13.000 But it's the same title?
01:55:15.000 TMT, Terror Management Theory.
01:55:16.000 Terror Management Theory is a little bit controversial, I think, because it also justifies some, like, supremacy thinking, a lot of I'm better than you and, like, cultural...
01:55:28.000 How so?
01:55:30.000 There's a guy named Solomon that did a talk about it just because you need so badly to feel important that you start to sort of have the delusion that you're better than other people.
01:55:39.000 Just because you feel so insignificant because you know you're going to die.
01:55:42.000 We know we're a speck of dust.
01:55:44.000 We know this is all ephemeral and fleeting and that we don't matter.
01:55:47.000 So we have to do things to feel like we matter.
01:55:50.000 Oh, that makes sense.
01:55:51.000 Because we don't.
01:55:51.000 So you sort of exercise your superiority over people in order to shield yourself from the futility of your existence.
01:56:00.000 Yes, and to feel immortal.
01:56:01.000 Oh.
01:56:02.000 And, you know what I mean, to procreate the idea of, because we know our mortality is so present in our amygdala all day, every day, that I'm better than you, therefore I'm going to procreate more and we are going to sustain and propagate.
01:56:16.000 Right.
01:56:16.000 So that we have a sense of lasting-ness.
01:56:19.000 That's why we want to make a name for ourselves.
01:56:20.000 That's why we want to get famous, have tangible things, stuff like that.
01:56:24.000 It's an anxiety that manifests in materialism, workaholism, needing titles, sort of shit like that.
01:56:33.000 Wow, that makes sense.
01:56:34.000 So, nasty, evil people that subjugate all their employees and yell at everybody, like that's what they're doing?
01:56:43.000 Know they're going to die.
01:56:44.000 Wow.
01:56:45.000 Yeah, they know.
01:56:48.000 It's so deep in the subconscious.
01:56:50.000 They have no awareness of why they're behaving the way they're behaving.
01:56:53.000 It's wild.
01:56:53.000 They've done these studies where, because I got super into it, because I didn't recognize my behavior.
01:56:57.000 I felt like kind of a zombie.
01:56:59.000 I was trying to set up all these TV shows, and I was writing all these movies, and I was just like...
01:57:03.000 And I was like, this is so weird because my dad just died.
01:57:05.000 I should know exactly what matters in life, which is none of this shit, achievements or money or any of that.
01:57:10.000 But I was super into like, I got to buy this house and I need to get, you know, this and this thing and this watch.
01:57:16.000 And I was like, this is so not who I am.
01:57:17.000 But it was me trying to cope.
01:57:19.000 Right.
01:57:36.000 And you would normally go, beautiful woods, nature, and they always pick cities because you just subconsciously felt more scared and wanted to be in a place that was safer.
01:57:44.000 Shit like that.
01:57:45.000 Cities are safer than the woods?
01:57:47.000 I mean, just the idea of some protection and civilization.
01:57:51.000 The woods are scary because we're, on some level, know that we're only superficially at the top of the food chain.
01:57:58.000 If we're out in the woods with a bear and there's no guns or cages, we're going to lose.
01:58:03.000 It's like the idea that we just know how vulnerable we are.
01:58:06.000 That's interesting because I would feel like there's some anxiety attached to the overpopulation aspect of cities.
01:58:12.000 For sure.
01:58:12.000 There's got to be some of that, right?
01:58:13.000 And the cars and the noises.
01:58:15.000 Constant noise.
01:58:15.000 We're not designed for that, right?
01:58:17.000 The fight or flight.
01:58:18.000 We're always in fight or flight mode, basically.
01:58:21.000 Do you ever get a chance to go to places where there's no cell phone service and you're in the legitimate forest?
01:58:26.000 Ari's trying to get me to do the month no cell phone.
01:58:29.000 Ari's a weirdo.
01:58:30.000 Don't listen to that guy.
01:58:31.000 He's crazy.
01:58:32.000 He's crazy.
01:58:33.000 I'm like, that feels a little extreme, but I want to.
01:58:37.000 He's got the fucking flip phone thing going on.
01:58:39.000 But he's a real junkie.
01:58:40.000 I respect that.
01:58:41.000 He had a problem with food.
01:58:42.000 He was eating candy all day, every day.
01:58:44.000 And I was going, bro, what are you doing?
01:58:46.000 Recently?
01:58:47.000 Nah, a few years ago.
01:58:48.000 Years back, but he had a real problem with candy.
01:58:52.000 Ari develops these things, and he would get real obsessed with social media.
01:58:59.000 It's addictive.
01:59:00.000 It's fucking addictive.
01:59:01.000 I have an addictive personality.
01:59:03.000 I fucking get it.
01:59:05.000 But I'm trying.
01:59:06.000 I turned the colors off on the phone.
01:59:10.000 Let me see what it looks like.
01:59:10.000 Well, no, I don't have it now because I was fucking posting because my thing came out today.
01:59:14.000 But they say a lot of the reason it's so addictive is all the color.
01:59:17.000 So you can put it in grayscale so it's black and white.
01:59:21.000 There's a phone that they just released.
01:59:22.000 It's an Android phone that's all in grayscale.
01:59:25.000 It's like in that white paper shit that you get from a Kindle.
01:59:29.000 That's what I need.
01:59:30.000 It's so fucking unappealing.
01:59:33.000 You're just like, oh, fuck this.
01:59:34.000 Gross.
01:59:35.000 So I'm trying to do that shit.
01:59:38.000 I think that we're going to look back at this the way we look at cigarettes.
01:59:41.000 I think so, too.
01:59:42.000 We're going to be like, people used to use those.
01:59:44.000 I broke my phone in Hawaii last year, and it was like three days to get a new one.
01:59:48.000 I had to order one and get it sent to me from the mainland.
01:59:52.000 And, you know, I was on vacation.
01:59:54.000 And I was bow hunting.
01:59:56.000 So I was just tracking animals all day with no phone.
02:00:00.000 Which one's in Hawaii?
02:00:01.000 Lanai.
02:00:02.000 Oh, cool.
02:00:02.000 I mean, what animals?
02:00:03.000 Axis deer.
02:00:05.000 It's a deer that's native to India and they're overpopulated in Lanai.
02:00:09.000 There's thousands of them.
02:00:10.000 There's 20,000 deer and 3,000 people.
02:00:12.000 You've never seen anything like it.
02:00:14.000 It's fucking crazy.
02:00:15.000 And they have to hunt them.
02:00:16.000 It's like one of the places on the planet where there's a real ethical imperative.
02:00:22.000 To hunt these animals.
02:00:23.000 Because there's no predators.
02:00:24.000 So the only way they control their populations is through hunting.
02:00:27.000 That's the only way.
02:00:28.000 And if there's overpopulation, they graze and there's no food for all of them, right?
02:00:31.000 There's plenty of food.
02:00:32.000 It's a tropical island.
02:00:33.000 But the problem is, you run into this real possibility of disease.
02:00:39.000 It's just not good.
02:00:41.000 But the point being, I was there for a solid three days with no phone.
02:00:46.000 And it was this weird feeling of peace.
02:00:48.000 Yeah, fuck.
02:00:48.000 It's like it calmed me down in this weird way.
02:00:51.000 It's like the desire to check.
02:00:53.000 Let me check my email real quick.
02:00:54.000 Let me look at my photos.
02:00:55.000 Which one am I? I gotta post something on Instagram.
02:00:58.000 I'm gonna check my Twitter.
02:00:59.000 See if somebody sent me a direct message.
02:01:01.000 Let me see if anybody sent me any pictures that I want to look at.
02:01:04.000 You like that?
02:01:04.000 Has Joey sent me any of his shits?
02:01:07.000 Show me so many logs.
02:01:09.000 I think something that is such an obvious solution, but I realize so much of going to the phone is to check time.
02:01:17.000 It's like the new pocket watch.
02:01:19.000 And then once you go to look at the time, then you see your text message.
02:01:22.000 You don't wear a watch?
02:01:23.000 I don't, and I need to.
02:01:25.000 I'm going to start to wear a watch, and then also getting a separate camera.
02:01:29.000 Because so much of what we do is to take pictures.
02:01:30.000 It's like, oh, I've got to take pictures of this, and then I'm on my phone.
02:01:32.000 Do you think you could use this with a flip phone?
02:01:36.000 Woo, big pause.
02:01:38.000 I'm going to say no.
02:01:39.000 My heart just stopped.
02:01:40.000 What?
02:01:40.000 Wait a second, I'm not going to be able to get on...
02:01:41.000 You can't post on Instagram with a flip phone.
02:01:43.000 I'm not going to be able to get on TikTok.
02:01:45.000 What's TikTok?
02:01:46.000 Do you use TikTok?
02:01:46.000 You don't know about TikTok?
02:01:48.000 Oh, I know about it from my kids.
02:01:49.000 They do the TikTok.
02:01:50.000 I don't know what it is.
02:01:51.000 It's like live streaming dancing, from what I understand.
02:01:54.000 I know it only from Christina's page, because she puts on some...
02:01:58.000 Yeah, it started as a music app called Musical.ly.
02:02:00.000 It changed the name to TikTok.
02:02:01.000 But it's only people dancing.
02:02:03.000 It's a lot of kids.
02:02:04.000 Kids are all over it.
02:02:05.000 But you don't want to talk or be funny.
02:02:07.000 It's now become what Vine was.
02:02:09.000 But it's still based around music.
02:02:10.000 But wasn't Vine only like five seconds?
02:02:12.000 And this is a little bit longer.
02:02:13.000 But there's a lot of songs over the last year that have gotten popular off there, including like Old Town Road, which is the number one song now.
02:02:19.000 Oh, yeah, wow.
02:02:19.000 It got popular off of there.
02:02:21.000 Off of TikTok.
02:02:21.000 That's how it got popular?
02:02:22.000 Wow.
02:02:23.000 Fuck.
02:02:23.000 Well, it got popular with my kids, for sure.
02:02:26.000 My kids knew about that song way before me.
02:02:29.000 They were singing it.
02:02:30.000 You never see...
02:02:31.000 There's a video of Lil Nas X, whatever his name is, at a school, and he's on stage, and these kids are singing along.
02:02:38.000 It is fucking adorable.
02:02:40.000 They're all singing along to the song.
02:02:42.000 It's really cute.
02:02:43.000 It's such a good song.
02:02:44.000 He's doing one with Dolly Parton, I think.
02:02:45.000 And what was the controversy?
02:02:47.000 They wouldn't let the song be on the country charts?
02:02:49.000 That was the big controversy.
02:02:52.000 Racist.
02:02:53.000 That's fucking racist.
02:02:55.000 That's all it is.
02:02:55.000 That is a goddamn country song.
02:02:57.000 Not Garth Brooks.
02:02:59.000 That other guy.
02:03:00.000 Cyrus is on it.
02:03:01.000 Billy Ray.
02:03:01.000 Yeah.
02:03:02.000 But once they put him on, then they allowed it on the country charts.
02:03:06.000 He wasn't in the original version.
02:03:08.000 So they had to put him on it, and then it made the country charts.
02:03:10.000 Am I wrong about that?
02:03:11.000 You are correct.
02:03:13.000 Well, you know, but Hootie was a country singer.
02:03:17.000 Yes, but he started out as a regular singer and then came over to country.
02:03:23.000 Yeah.
02:03:23.000 His career kind of fell apart.
02:03:25.000 That was a plot twist.
02:03:26.000 Judy and the Blowfish went away.
02:03:28.000 Darius Rucker.
02:03:28.000 Yes.
02:03:29.000 Thank you.
02:03:30.000 He's really good.
02:03:31.000 He's got a beautiful voice.
02:03:32.000 Of all the things I remember.
02:03:33.000 And he, maybe that's his shit.
02:03:36.000 He's into it.
02:03:36.000 But his career was floundering in the other world.
02:03:40.000 And then he went into the world of hay and flannel.
02:03:44.000 And they took off.
02:03:45.000 I fucking drive home to a lot of his music.
02:03:47.000 I don't know why that...
02:03:49.000 Hootie and the Blowfish was a legit jam.
02:03:52.000 I wonder why they didn't last, right?
02:03:54.000 They're on tour again right now.
02:03:55.000 Oh.
02:03:56.000 Hootie and the Blowfish?
02:03:57.000 I was going to say, but Aaron Lewis from Stained also is a country singer.
02:04:00.000 Oh, he's a huge country singer.
02:04:02.000 Bro, he wears MAGA hats and he's got Don't Tread on Me tattooed on his neck.
02:04:06.000 That was like during the time...
02:04:07.000 I met him.
02:04:07.000 Nice guy.
02:04:08.000 Where like all the bands were like...
02:04:10.000 Like there was like a...
02:04:12.000 There was like...
02:04:12.000 Yes!
02:04:14.000 There was a moment where that's what all the music sound like.
02:04:17.000 Yeah.
02:04:17.000 And maybe that just went...
02:04:18.000 Like Train.
02:04:19.000 Yes!
02:04:20.000 And Toad the Wet Sprocket and shit.
02:04:22.000 It was all that like...
02:04:25.000 Maybe we just got sick of it.
02:04:27.000 Pearl Jam.
02:04:28.000 They're all Pearl Jam clones.
02:04:29.000 Best.
02:04:30.000 That's what it is.
02:04:32.000 Yeah, totally.
02:04:37.000 Can't find a better man.
02:04:39.000 Such a good song.
02:04:40.000 Yeah, it's a great song.
02:04:41.000 I fucking love that album.
02:04:43.000 So good.
02:04:44.000 I mean, that is so crazy when I think about that Jeremy Spoken song.
02:04:49.000 I had no idea.
02:04:50.000 It was so weird when it came out.
02:04:52.000 I had no concept of what it even fucking meant.
02:04:55.000 It was on Mix the other day, and I was like, God.
02:04:57.000 What was it about?
02:04:58.000 Suicide.
02:04:59.000 Oh, that's right.
02:04:59.000 Was it about a kid that blew his head off in Jeremy Spoken class today?
02:05:04.000 I think he blew his brains out.
02:05:05.000 Oh, Jesus.
02:05:06.000 In class, remember?
02:05:07.000 That video was fucking sinister.
02:05:09.000 Wow.
02:05:09.000 It was about suicide.
02:05:10.000 I used to make out to a suicide song.
02:05:12.000 I had no idea what it was even about.
02:05:15.000 There was a lot of really macabre shit going on back then with music.
02:05:18.000 Remember that Silverchair?
02:05:19.000 Remember that Silverchair video?
02:05:21.000 How about Nirvana Rape Me?
02:05:23.000 How about that?
02:05:24.000 Literally forgot about it until just this moment.
02:05:27.000 Rape me, my friend.
02:05:29.000 Used to dance to it.
02:05:30.000 Used to drink to it, smoke weed to it.
02:05:32.000 We used to sing along.
02:05:33.000 If it was on TikTok now, we'd be singing along to it.
02:05:36.000 What a crazy fucking...
02:05:38.000 Wild.
02:05:39.000 Who would be the Kurt Cobain of today?
02:05:41.000 That was such a big deal.
02:05:43.000 You can't have that with the internet.
02:05:45.000 Someone would meet to him.
02:05:47.000 They'd find out shit about him.
02:05:48.000 There'd be a dick pic.
02:05:49.000 People would get angry.
02:05:51.000 I mean, he had poor judgment.
02:05:53.000 He dated Courtney Love.
02:05:54.000 He married her, right?
02:05:55.000 But when he killed himself...
02:05:57.000 He would have definitely taken pictures of his dick.
02:05:58.000 Who's that big right now?
02:06:00.000 Who's that big of a star?
02:06:03.000 There's so many stars now.
02:06:05.000 Yeah.
02:06:05.000 I think we've diluted the pool.
02:06:07.000 And there's so many stars we've never heard of.
02:06:10.000 It used to be like there was a star we all knew about.
02:06:12.000 Well, we're old.
02:06:14.000 That's part of the problem.
02:06:16.000 There's people that someone...
02:06:16.000 I'm like, oh, who's that person?
02:06:18.000 They have 70 million followers.
02:06:19.000 I'm like, never heard of them.
02:06:20.000 You go to Instagram, you're like, what?
02:06:21.000 Yeah.
02:06:22.000 What?
02:06:23.000 Yeah, we're out of the loop.
02:06:24.000 I'm way more out of the loop than you.
02:06:26.000 He's more in the loop than both of us.
02:06:28.000 Do you think that changes in a couple weeks when they take the follower counts off of people being able to view it?
02:06:32.000 I thought that was only in Australia.
02:06:33.000 They're testing it in other countries before they drop it here.
02:06:36.000 How funny is that?
02:06:37.000 It's like fucking...
02:06:38.000 They try drugs out in other countries.
02:06:41.000 LAUGHTER They're trying out the follower count thing.
02:06:46.000 That's going to be weird.
02:06:47.000 Why are they doing that?
02:06:49.000 Because they feel like they're doing a disservice to people by having them compete for follower counts?
02:06:54.000 Yeah, you won't be seeing other people's stuff, so it might...
02:06:57.000 That's how a lot of people make money.
02:06:59.000 I know.
02:07:00.000 I don't ever do ads on Instagram, but a lot of people do.
02:07:03.000 I don't either.
02:07:03.000 I bet you get offered to do a ton of shit.
02:07:04.000 A lot, but I say no.
02:07:06.000 Because you just think it's corny?
02:07:07.000 Yeah, I'll do ads for things I like where I put it up for free.
02:07:12.000 Yeah.
02:07:12.000 But I've never been paid.
02:07:13.000 Because it's something you believe in.
02:07:14.000 Yeah, like if someone says, oh, it's a fucking ad, like maybe it is an ad, but it's not an ad I'm getting paid for.
02:07:20.000 Like if I find something that's cool, I'll just put it up.
02:07:24.000 Like this is a badass movie.
02:07:25.000 I think that's why people trust you so much.
02:07:27.000 I think it helps.
02:07:28.000 And I've been offered a lot of money multiple times to do ads for things on Instagram.
02:07:33.000 And I'm like, look, I do ads on my podcast.
02:07:36.000 Everybody knows it's an ad.
02:07:37.000 I'm not doing that on Instagram.
02:07:40.000 That doesn't seem like it makes sense.
02:07:42.000 Like if someone goes to your Instagram, they want to see cool shit that you're interested in.
02:07:45.000 We're good to go.
02:08:01.000 I think it feels corny, you know?
02:08:03.000 I think for you especially, I think people trust you so much and you're known for telling the truth and not selling out.
02:08:10.000 If you had a hashtag ad, everyone was like, what?
02:08:12.000 Like, it just feels...
02:08:13.000 Paid ad sponsored.
02:08:15.000 Well, it's like your thing.
02:08:16.000 It would just be like, make a good product.
02:08:17.000 I'll post about it.
02:08:19.000 Yeah, I do it for free all the time.
02:08:20.000 Yeah.
02:08:20.000 I really do.
02:08:21.000 And people I don't even know.
02:08:23.000 If they have something cool, I'll put it up there.
02:08:24.000 Have you ever felt like, oh, fuck, that's a lot of money?
02:08:27.000 No.
02:08:28.000 No.
02:08:29.000 It's not worth it.
02:08:30.000 Because you probably lose in the long run.
02:08:32.000 Yeah.
02:08:33.000 It's like, if I was poor, yeah, I would do it.
02:08:35.000 Yeah, if I was poor, I'd do it.
02:08:37.000 I did Fear Factor.
02:08:38.000 Fuck, I'd do a lot of horror shit.
02:08:40.000 I'm not above whoring myself, but I'm not going to whore myself if I have money.
02:08:45.000 That doesn't make any sense.
02:08:46.000 But that is weird because I wonder how a lot of people make money from putting ads on Instagram.
02:08:52.000 It's not related directly to this, but they deleted a bunch of accounts apparently yesterday.
02:08:56.000 Accounts that had up to 13 million followers.
02:08:59.000 Really?
02:08:59.000 Like meme accounts and shit.
02:09:00.000 Deleted the whole account?
02:09:02.000 Yeah.
02:09:02.000 For a couple of reasons, they might have done it.
02:09:05.000 Well, there's a lot of meme accounts that steal jokes.
02:09:07.000 For stealing stuff.
02:09:08.000 A lot.
02:09:08.000 A lot.
02:09:11.000 Crazy.
02:09:12.000 They make money off of it.
02:09:13.000 There was a girl, you saw that girl on, is it Meg Wright, who was calling out that Fuck Jerry guy?
02:09:20.000 Who was just doing comics jokes?
02:09:22.000 Was that his name?
02:09:23.000 I don't know, Meg Wright.
02:09:24.000 Oh, she was a comedy person, yeah.
02:09:26.000 Oh.
02:09:27.000 Good for her.
02:09:28.000 Yeah, and who was just, like, connecting the comics joke to the meme.
02:09:32.000 There's so many of them.
02:09:33.000 Well, at least they slowed down.
02:09:34.000 Like, the progress of that fat Jewish guy, that slowed down.
02:09:37.000 He doesn't have nearly the sort of trajectory he used to have, but that was all what he was about.
02:09:42.000 It was just, like, taking people's shit.
02:09:44.000 Mm-hmm.
02:09:45.000 And repurposing it and making a lot of money.
02:09:47.000 And then also getting on television shows, being interviewed, and not having a fucking talent at all.
02:09:53.000 Just reposting things.
02:09:55.000 I know.
02:09:55.000 I have people DM me all the time.
02:09:56.000 Hey, now that everyone's scared, can I use your tweet in my Instagram feed?
02:09:59.000 Now I have to do work to say yes so you can...
02:10:02.000 But yeah, a lot of people are like curators, I think is what they call it.
02:10:06.000 Is that why they deleted them?
02:10:08.000 I was reading that article.
02:10:09.000 They could have been taking advertising money and not saying it, undercutting Instagram's advertising deals, reposting people's shit.
02:10:17.000 That end of the article said that there is no way they can get those accounts back.
02:10:21.000 It's non-negotiable.
02:10:23.000 Oh, shit.
02:10:24.000 Wow.
02:10:25.000 Fuck off.
02:10:26.000 But so will it basically go, everyone's going to have no followers?
02:10:29.000 You won't be able to see, you'll be able to see your account?
02:10:32.000 Like, you'll know that you still have whatever.
02:10:34.000 So I'm going to, every day, I'm going to post an Instagram photo of my account.
02:10:37.000 Yeah, people are going to do that.
02:10:38.000 Recognize, bitches.
02:10:39.000 I posted.
02:10:40.000 Recognize.
02:10:41.000 Maybe it's because, like, I mean, people are fucking falling off cliffs taking selfies.
02:10:44.000 Yeah.
02:10:45.000 Have you seen that?
02:10:46.000 It's like the fucking Darwin Awards at this point.
02:10:47.000 But you'll still be able to see the likes.
02:10:49.000 You just won't be able to see your followers.
02:10:50.000 You can't see that either.
02:10:51.000 None of it.
02:10:52.000 You'll be able to see how many likes you have on your photos.
02:10:54.000 But you're going to screen grab it and post it?
02:10:58.000 What I'll do is I'll post something in the morning and then three times throughout the day I'll post it to see how many likes I got so everybody can see.
02:11:05.000 That's for sure going to happen.
02:11:06.000 Such a gangster move.
02:11:08.000 Twitter would be so mad.
02:11:09.000 Instagram would be so mad at you.
02:11:11.000 You're fucking bypassing it.
02:11:12.000 Like showing your metrics.
02:11:13.000 Post it on your Twitter account.
02:11:15.000 Yeah.
02:11:15.000 Oh, that's the move.
02:11:16.000 Post it on my Twitter account.
02:11:17.000 Post it on my Facebook because that's a dumpster.
02:11:19.000 It is.
02:11:19.000 My Facebook's a dumpster.
02:11:21.000 I just don't even look at it.
02:11:21.000 I don't even, yeah.
02:11:22.000 I just dump things over there.
02:11:25.000 Doesn't yours just connect to it?
02:11:26.000 Like it just automatically posts?
02:11:27.000 But it's interesting because it clearly reflects my lack of interaction because, like, I only have two million Facebook followers, whereas, like, everything else is way more than that.
02:11:37.000 Well, that's the whole engagement thing now.
02:11:39.000 So there was this, I, social media, it's a full-time job, so I was talking to a bunch of people to run my social media, and they're like, well, you have to engage people to get in the algorithm now.
02:11:48.000 You have to ask a question so that people, like, you notice that celebrities for a while kept going, like, so what are you doing this weekend?
02:11:55.000 I just thought they were dumb.
02:11:56.000 Yeah.
02:11:57.000 What do you like to cook on, you know, taco night?
02:12:00.000 Like, it was all these, like, insincere questions because they wanted people to answer so they could get into the algorithm.
02:12:05.000 Oh, that makes sense.
02:12:06.000 Yeah.
02:12:07.000 I read one that said, what's your least favorite chore?
02:12:11.000 Like, what in the fuck are you?
02:12:13.000 What are you?
02:12:14.000 It's the amount of...
02:12:15.000 Are you a robot?
02:12:16.000 If you get...
02:12:19.000 By the way, the shot of this is so funny because she just looks like a dead body.
02:12:23.000 She's done with us.
02:12:23.000 She checked out.
02:12:25.000 She was with us for a while.
02:12:26.000 Oh, fuck, she's off.
02:12:28.000 Oh, because I didn't have her on chat because she kept stealing my thunder and distracting you.
02:12:32.000 You're back, bitch.
02:12:32.000 There she's back.
02:12:33.000 Wake up, hooker.
02:12:34.000 Look over here.
02:12:35.000 Hey!
02:12:36.000 What's up, bitch?
02:12:38.000 I've got to end this.
02:12:39.000 I've got to be at the comedy store in two hours.
02:12:40.000 I know, fuck.
02:12:41.000 I've got to go home and hug my kids.
02:12:44.000 Alright, Whitney Cummings, your new Netflix special available right fucking now.
02:12:50.000 Don't worry about following me because followers don't matter anymore.
02:12:52.000 Followers do not matter.
02:12:53.000 Don't like any of our photos.
02:12:55.000 Liking doesn't mean anything.
02:12:57.000 Alright, bye everybody.
02:12:58.000 I'm going to go resuscitate this robot.