The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1331

00:00:04.000 Hello, Alonzo.

00:00:05.000 What is up, Joe?

00:00:06.000 Good to see you, my brother.

00:00:07.000 Man, it is so good to be back.

00:00:09.000 It's my first time seeing the new joint.

00:00:11.000 It's absolutely amazing.

00:00:13.000 Yeah, I thought you'd been here, the new spot.

00:00:15.000 No, like I said, you were building this when I did the last one.

00:00:20.000 When you said you could do everything here, it's like, yeah, this is the bunker.

00:00:23.000 I don't live that far from here.

00:00:25.000 Come on down.

00:00:25.000 So when the bomb hits, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to Joe's spot.

00:00:28.000 Well, if you're in the neighborhood, you want to use the gym.

00:00:31.000 It's always open.

00:00:32.000 Thanks.

00:00:32.000 Come on down.

00:00:33.000 I'll bring canned goods.

00:00:34.000 Bring water.

00:00:36.000 Bring water purifiers.

00:00:38.000 Yeah.

00:00:38.000 If the shit hits the fan.

00:00:40.000 Bernie had me nervous.

00:00:41.000 Bernie Sanders was just here.

00:00:42.000 He had me nervous.

00:00:43.000 About?

00:00:44.000 Climate change.

00:00:45.000 Whenever someone brings up climate change, it's like a bill that you didn't pay.

00:00:48.000 You're like, ah, fuck.

00:00:49.000 Yeah, it's real.

00:00:51.000 Okay, so now I'm going to do my first shameless plug for my new special.

00:00:55.000 Is it out now?

00:00:56.000 August 23rd on Amazon Prime.

00:00:59.000 You're one of the new wave of Amazon specials.

00:01:01.000 I'm very excited about this.

00:01:02.000 Yeah, they're testing the water, so it's good to be in.

00:01:06.000 It's called Heavy Lightweight, and I call it that because I do some heavy topics and then I mix it in with lightweight shit.

00:01:12.000 Because if you do all heavy, wow, that was depressing.

00:01:16.000 Yeah.

00:01:16.000 And I talk about the climate change thing, but it's like, to be honest, like, look.

00:01:23.000 I'm a black man, 57. I got, what, like 10 years left?

00:01:26.000 I don't give a shit.

00:01:28.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:01:29.000 Like, statistically, God bless you, millennials, I wish you luck, but I had a good run.

00:01:33.000 No kids.

00:01:34.000 Nah!

00:01:35.000 By the way, you look amazing for 57. Thank you.

00:01:38.000 Black don't crack.

00:01:39.000 Well, and this is what I talk about.

00:01:40.000 Right up until the day it does, right?

00:01:42.000 So, like, literally, right until the day before I die, I look great.

00:01:46.000 And then, what happened?

00:01:47.000 Some bitch died.

00:01:48.000 From what?

00:01:48.000 Black.

00:01:49.000 Been black his whole life.

00:01:51.000 Shit just caught up with him.

00:01:52.000 He got fucking diabetes, sickle cell, and high blood pressure in the same day.

00:01:57.000 A wave.

00:01:58.000 A wave of malady.

00:01:59.000 But no, but the climate change thing is real, but I think the big problem is it's slow.

00:02:05.000 It's not dramatic.

00:02:07.000 So people, it's easy to not think about it because, you know, yeah, the ocean's rising, but it's an inch a year.

00:02:14.000 Right.

00:02:15.000 Which, you know, I may not, that may not be exact, but you know what I mean.

00:02:18.000 It's not a lot.

00:02:19.000 Right.

00:02:20.000 So people don't see it with the urgency.

00:02:24.000 And I think that's why you have the young Congress people talking about it because they're like, hey, this is going to be in our lifetime, right?

00:02:32.000 But then you have the older generation where it's like, eh.

00:02:35.000 You know what's interesting?

00:02:37.000 I'm pretty sure, and we should check this, make sure this is correct, and I think we learned about this from Randall Carlson, that the increased CO2 rates also increases vegetation.

00:02:47.000 Right.

00:02:48.000 Because vegetation and greenery, they use carbon dioxide.

00:02:51.000 Right, they use carbon dioxide, right.

00:02:53.000 Yeah, the increased rates.

00:02:56.000 Actually, this is like one of the greenest times ever.

00:02:59.000 Yeah, but I wonder how does that offset versus the there's less land for these plants to grow on.

00:03:06.000 You know what I mean?

00:03:06.000 So when you look at rainforests, jungles, things like that.

00:03:11.000 It's just the opposite of that.

00:03:13.000 What does it say?

00:03:13.000 That it makes it harder for them to grow.

00:03:16.000 What article says that?

00:03:19.000 Is there any articles that say that's not the case?

00:03:22.000 Because it seems like that's not something Randall would lie about.

00:03:26.000 He was talking about how this is like one of the most green times ever and the increase of forest and green trees.

00:03:36.000 Honestly, I guess I'm seeing both of them then.

00:03:38.000 So the very first things that pop up are high carbon levels make it harder for plants to grow from ThinkProgress.

00:03:43.000 Second thing, increased carbon dioxide levels and air restrict plants' ability to absorb nutrients.

00:03:47.000 It's from science.gu.se.

00:03:48.000 It's another country, I think Sweden.

00:03:52.000 Think progress.

00:03:53.000 Sounds like a bunch of fucking hippies.

00:03:55.000 Bunch of tree-dogging bitches.

00:03:57.000 NASA says, though, it's making it greener for now.

00:04:00.000 Yes.

00:04:01.000 So I would buy that.

00:04:02.000 The thing about...

00:04:03.000 And isn't this funny?

00:04:05.000 Like, with science, you have to check because you have to see if there's a political agenda.

00:04:09.000 Click on the NASA one.

00:04:10.000 You have to see if there's a political agenda behind the science, right?

00:04:14.000 Yeah.

00:04:14.000 Oh, for sure.

00:04:15.000 But you never know.

00:04:17.000 I'd go with what NASA says.

00:04:19.000 So they say, scroll back up, please.

00:04:22.000 CO2 is making the Earth greener for now.

00:04:24.000 And then it says...

00:04:35.000 Yeah.

00:04:41.000 See, an international team of 32 authors from 24 institutions in 8 countries led the effort, which involved using satellite data from NASA's Moderate Resolution Imaging Spectrometer.

00:05:19.000 Randall was right, I think.

00:05:21.000 But I think either way, we're fucked.

00:05:23.000 And then on top of that...

00:05:24.000 We'll all die in a very green planet.

00:05:27.000 How much...

00:05:28.000 If everything melts, if the polarized caps melt, can we live in South Dakota or some shit?

00:05:34.000 I don't know.

00:05:35.000 I don't think so.

00:05:36.000 Can we make it in deep inside?

00:05:39.000 You know, I don't think so.

00:05:40.000 Like, you know, they want California to fall into the ocean, right?

00:05:44.000 You always hear that, Texas.

00:05:45.000 It's like, yeah, and the tidal wave will kill you.

00:05:48.000 You know what I mean?

00:05:50.000 Tell everybody.

00:05:50.000 I don't know.

00:05:53.000 I don't think that's safe because it would be such a drastic change.

00:05:57.000 I mean, right?

00:05:57.000 So much of the Earth's weather is controlled by the polarized caps, the magnetic poles, the rainfall, glaciers, and it's all interconnected.

00:06:09.000 Right.

00:06:09.000 That's why the hurricanes are getting stronger, right?

00:06:11.000 Is that speculation?

00:06:12.000 Yeah.

00:06:12.000 So if you lose, like the oceans control the Earth's climate because the war, you know, having to do with evaporation and so on.

00:06:20.000 By the way, for sure you shouldn't be getting weather information from you or me.

00:06:25.000 Listen, we got two expert scientists here.

00:06:28.000 We've been talking about this for minutes.

00:06:31.000 And thinking about it for hours, all told, over our lives.

00:06:35.000 But no, it's real, but it is something I think it's definitely younger people are going to be more interested because it could be a major thing.

00:06:47.000 Like if you're 30 now, when you're 60, this could be a real thing.

00:06:54.000 Real big issue.

00:06:56.000 It's a bad time to buy real estate in Miami.

00:06:58.000 No, you don't.

00:06:59.000 When is a good time to buy real estate in Miami?

00:07:01.000 When you got a lot of coke in your pocket?

00:07:04.000 And you're looking at a party?

00:07:06.000 You found out you have stage 4 cancer, but you do have a large bag of coke?

00:07:12.000 You know, I love that you mention that, because this has been a thing.

00:07:17.000 The weed industry being legal, right?

00:07:20.000 And they say there's all this money that people can't figure out what to do with, right?

00:07:24.000 Miami was built with cocaine money.

00:07:28.000 What happened to those money laundering guys who cleaned up all of that money, built all that real estate?

00:07:34.000 Like, where are they now?

00:07:35.000 It's a different era.

00:07:37.000 I can't believe that there's not people out there who can figure out how to clean this weed money and boost the economy.

00:07:44.000 They will be able to figure it out, but it's going to take a long time.

00:07:47.000 And the people that are trying to figure it out right now, like the weed dealers that are selling it legally, but then they have all the stockpiles of cash, they hire mercenaries.

00:07:56.000 They hire Blackwater guys and shit.

00:07:59.000 Fucking special ops guys to watch their money.

00:08:01.000 They really have to.

00:08:03.000 My old condo, I rented out, right?

00:08:07.000 So I was renting to a guy.

00:08:10.000 His business was, he handled the credit card transactions for the weed places, for the dispensaries and stuff, and the bank shut him down, and he didn't pay the rent.

00:08:21.000 And I was like, I got the only guy in the weed business who can't make money.

00:08:24.000 Like, I'm renting...

00:08:26.000 There's one guy in weed who can't...

00:08:28.000 I was like, listen man, I take cash, just pay the rent.

00:08:31.000 Like, how can you...

00:08:32.000 You're selling weed.

00:08:34.000 Everybody's buying it.

00:08:35.000 You're selling weed on credit cards and you can't pay your rent.

00:08:38.000 How did I end up with this guy?

00:08:40.000 Loser.

00:08:41.000 People are flying here to get some weed.

00:08:44.000 Yeah, they tour now.

00:08:46.000 They tour now.

00:08:47.000 And my guy, nothing.

00:08:50.000 You know who really took it on the fucking chin is Amsterdam.

00:08:53.000 Remember when people were talking about going to Amsterdam?

00:08:55.000 Let's go to Amsterdam and get high.

00:08:57.000 Yeah.

00:08:57.000 You can get high here, stupid.

00:08:59.000 Right.

00:09:00.000 They still got hookers and windows, though.

00:09:02.000 That's true.

00:09:02.000 They still got that.

00:09:03.000 That's true.

00:09:03.000 But who's been there before a year?

00:09:05.000 Yeah.

00:09:06.000 If you could just see the line of...

00:09:08.000 If you see a video montage of all the guys coming into this show, they're like...

00:09:13.000 Just over the last couple weeks.

00:09:17.000 Joe just ruined Amsterdam tourism.

00:09:19.000 The Amsterdam tourist board is like, why is he picking on us?

00:09:23.000 What did we do?

00:09:24.000 Well, they have good fights over there.

00:09:25.000 But they fucked up when they made mushrooms illegal.

00:09:28.000 They stopped people from selling mushrooms in the cafes.

00:09:32.000 Now, is that...

00:09:34.000 I don't understand why they would do that, because I was going to say it's something that they can't regulate.

00:09:39.000 No, it's dorks go over there and blow their brains out.

00:09:42.000 They eat too many mushrooms and freak out and try to jump in the river.

00:09:47.000 That's what it is.

00:09:48.000 It's dorks.

00:09:49.000 It's always dorks.

00:09:50.000 They ruin everything.

00:09:51.000 Yeah, you know.

00:09:55.000 It's weird to me because it's like, listen, if you can't get a handle on your drug tourism, just don't do it.

00:10:02.000 But I don't know.

00:10:03.000 It can be done correctly.

00:10:04.000 I think if you want to do drug tourism correctly, first of all, you need to check people, make sure they're okay, find out what kind of medication they are, and do a blood test on them.

00:10:12.000 Find out what kind of medication.

00:10:13.000 Oh, look, you're on SSRIs.

00:10:15.000 You didn't even tell us.

00:10:16.000 Hey, stupid, you're not supposed to take this stuff.

00:10:18.000 Right.

00:10:18.000 This is going to fuck you up.

00:10:19.000 Next, you know, and really, really test them.

00:10:22.000 Then, you know, find out about their psychological history and start them off with a nice light dose.

00:10:27.000 Today, today's Tuesday.

00:10:29.000 Today, we're going to give a nice light dose, like a half a gram.

00:10:32.000 We're just going to see how you react.

00:10:34.000 That would be it.

00:10:34.000 Just, you know, this is how much you get and see how you react.

00:10:39.000 Exactly.

00:10:40.000 And then come back on Wednesday.

00:10:42.000 I want you to think about it for 24 hours.

00:10:44.000 Come back on Wednesday.

00:10:45.000 And Wednesday we're going to give you two grams.

00:10:47.000 Yeah.

00:10:47.000 And then they got to cut you off.

00:10:49.000 Yeah.

00:10:50.000 And then you come back on Saturday and you get that five gram dose of goodness.

00:10:56.000 Whoa.

00:11:00.000 Yeah.

00:11:00.000 Just do it right with doctors nearby and IVs filled with vitamins.

00:11:05.000 I'm sure that's why they don't because who's going to pay for all of that part?

00:11:08.000 Dorks.

00:11:09.000 The same dorks.

00:11:13.000 I'm sure people would pay.

00:11:14.000 If you could save up your money and have a real safe mushroom trip, like a legit safe mushroom trip at a medical institution where they've got everything locked down and everybody's safe and the mushrooms are safe, yeah,

00:11:30.000 people would pay a few hundred bucks for that.

00:11:31.000 Well, I haven't done mushrooms, but would that- Ever?

00:11:34.000 No.

00:11:34.000 You want to try?

00:11:35.000 No, thanks, man.

00:11:36.000 I'm retired, man.

00:11:37.000 You know that.

00:11:38.000 From everything?

00:11:39.000 Yeah.

00:11:40.000 Yeah, we talked about this.

00:11:41.000 When did you retire?

00:11:43.000 88. Wow.

00:11:44.000 Yeah.

00:11:44.000 That's crazy.

00:11:45.000 Yeah.

00:11:46.000 I mean, you know, I've been high enough that I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

00:11:52.000 So when you talk about it, it's like fascinating to me.

00:11:56.000 But then there's also that case of like now, like I don't want to be that high.

00:12:00.000 You know what I mean?

00:12:01.000 But again, I don't knock what anyone else does.

00:12:04.000 But this is what I wanted to ask you.

00:12:06.000 If you did it under those medically supervised conditions, would it still be as much fun?

00:12:12.000 Yeah, it's fun no matter what.

00:12:13.000 As long as they leave you alone while you're tripping.

00:12:16.000 As long as they don't bother you.

00:12:18.000 Okay.

00:12:19.000 Like I say, I have no frame of reference to it, so I can't say that would not be cool.

00:12:28.000 Do you fuck with CBD at all?

00:12:30.000 No.

00:12:31.000 That's really good for you and it doesn't get you high.

00:12:34.000 Yeah, I know.

00:12:34.000 And I don't, again, I don't knock it.

00:12:36.000 I don't necessarily have a reason to fuck with CBD. I'm not in any kind of pain or anything like that.

00:12:43.000 But I don't knock it as a treatment.

00:12:46.000 I know it does work and there's benefits to it.

00:12:49.000 It's just not something that I need or that I do.

00:12:53.000 It's like the knees, right?

00:12:54.000 My knees are kind of trash, but...

00:12:57.000 When I work out and stretch and warm them up, it's not bad.

00:13:01.000 And I've talked to a doctor, and the doctor's like, yeah, eventually we're going to do a knee replacement, but you don't need it now.

00:13:06.000 A knee replacement?

00:13:06.000 What's going on with your knees?

00:13:07.000 Arthritis.

00:13:08.000 You don't have to do a knee replacement.

00:13:11.000 Stem cells.

00:13:11.000 Stem cells, which is something I may do.

00:13:13.000 My mom did it.

00:13:15.000 I know.

00:13:15.000 I've heard you talk about it.

00:13:17.000 Dude.

00:13:17.000 As a matter of fact, I have a friend, and she's around 80, and she said, yeah, that's what they did for her knee.

00:13:26.000 They did stem cells.

00:13:27.000 My mom had her knees replaced before she passed away, and she said, yeah, that's one of the things you inherited from us, bad knees.

00:13:34.000 I was like, thank you.

00:13:35.000 But she also made me funny, so I couldn't really be mad at her.

00:13:38.000 I was like, all right, I'll take the funny and the bad knees.

00:13:41.000 The bad knees are workable.

00:13:43.000 I'm telling you.

00:13:43.000 CBD, first of all, is going to help that because it reduces all the symptoms of arthritis.

00:13:48.000 Dave Foley, his hands were fucked up.

00:13:51.000 He had some severe arthritis in his hands.

00:13:54.000 CBD completely cured it.

00:13:55.000 He couldn't straighten his hands out.

00:13:57.000 His hands were always at a slight bend.

00:13:59.000 Now he's got a full range of motion in his hands.

00:14:01.000 He's blown away by it.

00:14:02.000 Yeah.

00:14:03.000 My knee problem is impact.

00:14:05.000 You know, just basketball.

00:14:08.000 So even now, like I can't jump, you know, I can run, I can do something.

00:14:17.000 I did this CrossFit, I tried CrossFit, and my knee's full up, and I went to my doctor, and he's like, Cross, what the hell is wrong with you?

00:14:25.000 Jumping up on boxes?

00:14:27.000 My doctor's diagnosis for 90% of my problems, you're old.

00:14:33.000 Don't do that.

00:14:34.000 You gotta go to a different doctor, man.

00:14:37.000 You can fix a lot of those problems with stem cells.

00:14:41.000 A lot of those problems.

00:14:42.000 Yeah, it regenerates tissue, reduces inflammation.

00:14:44.000 It does a lot of amazing stuff.

00:14:47.000 Now, and I haven't researched this at all.

00:14:49.000 I mean, you know, I've heard stuff.

00:14:50.000 My stem cell knowledge is about equal to my climate change.

00:14:54.000 Well, mine is slightly better because I've actually had a bunch done on me.

00:14:59.000 Well, this is what I wanted to ask you about.

00:15:00.000 So I know when you talked about it early on, you went overseas, right?

00:15:04.000 No, I didn't have to.

00:15:05.000 No, you did get it done here.

00:15:06.000 So that was my question, because I've heard people talking about going to...

00:15:10.000 Panama.

00:15:11.000 Panama, Asia, etc.

00:15:12.000 Dr. Reardon, you know, I don't think you want to go to Asia.

00:15:15.000 I don't know what they're doing over there.

00:15:16.000 Yeah.

00:15:17.000 But Dr. Reardon, who's the guy who treated Mel Gibson and Mel Gibson's dad, he actually treated my mom.

00:15:22.000 My mom was in risk of a knee replacement.

00:15:26.000 She's in pretty bad pain.

00:15:29.000 And the doctor's like, you got to get a knee replacement.

00:15:31.000 I'm like, okay, maybe you have to get a knee replacement.

00:15:34.000 I go, but before you do that, let's send you to Panama and they'll do this full three-day stem cell procedure.

00:15:40.000 They use IV stem cells.

00:15:42.000 They blast the area over three different days.

00:15:45.000 They hit it with stem cells.

00:15:47.000 And, you know, my mom is 73, so it was a while before it worked.

00:15:54.000 She, you know, for the first four months, she was a little discouraged.

00:15:56.000 She like, I don't feel anything different.

00:15:59.000 I don't know if this is working.

00:16:01.000 And then somewhere around five, six months, she started feeling a lack of pain.

00:16:06.000 And the pain just stopped being a part of her daily life.

00:16:10.000 And then now she could walk and it's not bothering her.

00:16:13.000 She goes, I'm walking with no pain.

00:16:14.000 I can walk up hills with no pain.

00:16:16.000 And she goes, I want to do it again.

00:16:18.000 So I was like, fuck it.

00:16:19.000 Let's send you down again.

00:16:20.000 So she's headed down again to get more of it.

00:16:22.000 Yeah.

00:16:23.000 But you did it here.

00:16:24.000 Yeah, I did it here.

00:16:25.000 Well, I think...

00:16:26.000 Now, is there a difference?

00:16:27.000 Yes.

00:16:28.000 They can go ham in Panama.

00:16:30.000 They go ham.

00:16:31.000 I mean, they just fucking fill you up.

00:16:34.000 They just bring a fucking bucket of stem cells.

00:16:37.000 Big ass needle.

00:16:38.000 Bang!

00:16:38.000 They don't have the same regulations that they do in America, so they can get away with a lot of different stuff.

00:16:44.000 And Dr. Reardon, who is one of the pioneers of this, and he's written multiple papers, and he has scientific journals all about the benefits of stem cells, and it's particularly effective on people with neurological conditions,

00:17:00.000 people with neurodegenerative diseases and the like.

00:17:04.000 And he's written extensively about all that stuff.

00:17:06.000 But when he came on, I mean, he blew me away.

00:17:09.000 And I had already had some success with stem cells in America where, like, I had a full-length rotator cuff tear in my shoulder.

00:17:17.000 Right.

00:17:18.000 And they injected it with exosomes, which is, like, the most...

00:17:22.000 Advanced form of stem cells.

00:17:24.000 The way they used to think is stem cells, they felt like when you put stem cells into an injury that the stem cells were re-proliferating this area with new tissue.

00:17:35.000 But now they think that the stem cells, and I'm sure I'm butchering this if you're a scientist, now I think they think that the stem cells are releasing exosomes and that the exosomes are actually what does it.

00:17:46.000 So now they just go straight to exosomes and then they Inject exosomes into these particular areas.

00:17:52.000 Now they have another product called Wharton's Jelly that's even more potent that I just got shot into me.

00:17:59.000 Yeah.

00:17:59.000 Anytime I get injured, man, I just fucking head on down.

00:18:02.000 I'm like, what's the purpose of having money if I'm not fucking shooting myself up with all these juicy stem cells?

00:18:07.000 There you go.

00:18:08.000 But it works, man.

00:18:09.000 I don't know if I got stem cell cash.

00:18:10.000 I probably do.

00:18:11.000 You do.

00:18:12.000 It's not that bad.

00:18:12.000 Okay, so it's not that.

00:18:13.000 Yeah, you're a successful comedian with a fucking Amazon special.

00:18:16.000 No, I do.

00:18:17.000 Listen, I do all right.

00:18:19.000 You do fine.

00:18:19.000 I tell people, I do all right.

00:18:21.000 I don't make as much as they think, but I do all right.

00:18:23.000 You know what I mean?

00:18:24.000 Yeah.

00:18:24.000 Because when people see you on something, they're like, oh, well, you got $10 million.

00:18:28.000 Like, no, I don't.

00:18:29.000 I'd like to, but I don't.

00:18:31.000 But yeah, so, okay.

00:18:33.000 Well, we'll talk about that.

00:18:34.000 Well, this Amazon special might push you to the top.

00:18:36.000 I hope so.

00:18:37.000 You know, I mean, you know me.

00:18:40.000 I've been in the biz forever.

00:18:41.000 I love the biz.

00:18:42.000 I appreciate the love you give me on the podcast.

00:18:46.000 People always tell me when you or some get, oh yeah, man, they were talking about you.

00:18:49.000 And I appreciate that, right?

00:18:52.000 KRS-One said a long time ago, respect will outlast cash.

00:18:56.000 So I appreciate that.

00:18:58.000 I appreciate you too, man.

00:18:59.000 But, yeah, it'd be nice to have something blow up like that, right?

00:19:03.000 I think you can.

00:19:04.000 Because so many times it happens in careers.

00:19:07.000 Well, they're doing a lot of specials now.

00:19:09.000 They've got Gaffigan is doing Amazon.

00:19:12.000 Russell Peters is doing Amazon.

00:19:14.000 You, who else?

00:19:15.000 Someone else.

00:19:16.000 Jimmy O. Yang's got one coming up.

00:19:18.000 Does Fahim have an Amazon?

00:19:20.000 Fahim Anwar, does he have an Amazon?

00:19:22.000 But there's a lot of really funny people that are doing it.

00:19:26.000 And as long as they put the money into promotion and let people know...

00:19:29.000 I mean, they're doing great right now with Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

00:19:33.000 They have a lot of new Amazon Prime series, like that Fleabag is supposed to be hilarious.

00:19:37.000 They have a lot of good series that they're promoting that people are really getting into.

00:19:41.000 And if you have Amazon Prime, like if you order shit with Amazon, you get free Amazon TV. People don't even know that.

00:19:47.000 I know.

00:19:48.000 And it's good.

00:19:49.000 Amazon is...

00:19:51.000 Legit.

00:19:51.000 Good streaming.

00:19:52.000 Super legit.

00:19:53.000 Yeah.

00:19:54.000 I'm rooting for them, 100%.

00:19:56.000 Yeah.

00:19:57.000 And there's, you know, look, Netflix has almost, I mean, they've got the market kind of cornered until Amazon came along.

00:20:05.000 Because nobody wanted to do them on Comedy Central anymore.

00:20:08.000 Comedy Central's great.

00:20:09.000 It's better than no special, but it airs once.

00:20:11.000 That's the problem with Comedy Central.

00:20:13.000 It airs once.

00:20:14.000 Not in this day and age, man.

00:20:15.000 I think HBO is still the big one.

00:20:19.000 As far as television?

00:20:21.000 Yeah, as far as a TV one hour like HBO. But Showtime was good to me.

00:20:26.000 Showtime put on a couple of specials.

00:20:29.000 Well, Showtime made Sebastian.

00:20:30.000 Oh, big time.

00:20:32.000 Made Sebastian.

00:20:33.000 He just clicked with...

00:20:35.000 Yeah.

00:20:35.000 And it's funny how that happens because you really can't say why, you know, that certain ones do.

00:20:43.000 And that's no disrespect to Sebastian.

00:20:46.000 It's just, yeah, certain things take off and others don't.

00:20:49.000 And it's like...

00:20:50.000 Well, I mean, it was really good.

00:20:52.000 Oh, yeah, no, like I say, no disrespect to him.

00:20:54.000 No, Sebastian, he's a great comic.

00:20:57.000 He's been around.

00:20:58.000 He's worked.

00:20:59.000 You know what I mean?

00:20:59.000 It's not like he just fell out of the sky, got a special, and didn't have anything behind it.

00:21:04.000 No, the guy's a comic.

00:21:06.000 He's real.

00:21:06.000 But before him, who, well, you know who blew up on Showtime?

00:21:10.000 Gallagher.

00:21:12.000 He might be the last guy that blew up on Showtime before Sebastian, right?

00:21:17.000 I mean, if you stop and think about it, who the fuck else?

00:21:22.000 It's like Sebastian and Gallagher.

00:21:24.000 Those are the guys who blew up on Showtime.

00:21:26.000 Let me think.

00:21:27.000 Who else?

00:21:29.000 Yeah, that's comedy-wise.

00:21:32.000 Dana Gould had a special on Showtime.

00:21:34.000 Who else?

00:21:35.000 Well, they did.

00:21:36.000 Showtime did a few.

00:21:37.000 Like, Billy Gardell had the new comics thing he did.

00:21:40.000 He tried to break some new comics on that.

00:21:42.000 Oh, like a Rodney Dangerfield type deal?

00:21:43.000 Mm-hmm.

00:21:45.000 But, yeah, you're right.

00:21:46.000 Yeah.

00:21:48.000 But, again, that's where our business, like, this business is fickle, right?

00:21:53.000 Sure.

00:21:53.000 Because they're always trying to figure out, you know, why is this a viral video?

00:21:58.000 You know what I mean?

00:21:58.000 Yeah.

00:21:58.000 Like, man, that squirrel got more views.

00:22:02.000 Yeah.

00:22:03.000 We spent $8 million producing this series and that squirrel got more views than we, you know, and it's like, why?

00:22:11.000 No one knows.

00:22:13.000 Yeah, if you're just trying to concentrate on making things viral, you will go fucking crazy.

00:22:17.000 Yeah, you can't figure out, you know, why people connect to this one thing, even though others have done it or done something similar or whatever.

00:22:28.000 Yeah.

00:22:28.000 And then...

00:22:29.000 Yeah, it's a tricky fucking business.

00:22:32.000 And then how about YouTube?

00:22:33.000 Like, Russell Peters blew up because of YouTube.

00:22:36.000 Absolutely.

00:22:38.000 Worldwide.

00:22:38.000 Blew up.

00:22:40.000 And, you know, people, and it's funny, because people here, they don't realize how famous Russell is.

00:22:45.000 Well, it's great.

00:22:46.000 Because he's not that famous.

00:22:47.000 He's not as famous here.

00:22:49.000 No, he can hang out over here.

00:22:51.000 Yeah.

00:22:51.000 He can go places, and he lives here.

00:22:53.000 Right.

00:22:53.000 He's, like, got the best of both worlds.

00:22:55.000 Because that motherfucker sold out the O2 Arena two nights in a row.

00:22:58.000 I know.

00:22:59.000 That's like 20,000 plus people.

00:23:01.000 You know who's like that?

00:23:02.000 Jimmy Carr.

00:23:03.000 You know Jimmy?

00:23:04.000 Oh, sure.

00:23:04.000 Yeah, he's hilarious.

00:23:05.000 Yeah, Jimmy's hilarious.

00:23:07.000 And like internationally, Jimmy is unbelievable.

00:23:11.000 But here, like they check his ID. Yeah.

00:23:14.000 You know, like he'd pull out the black card and they'd be like, let me see your ID. Yeah, exactly.

00:23:20.000 Yeah.

00:23:22.000 Yeah, I mean, he does those roast shows over here and stuff along those lines.

00:23:27.000 But yeah, he doesn't have nearly...

00:23:29.000 But he's working here more often.

00:23:30.000 Yeah, he's developing.

00:23:32.000 I saw him in Montreal and he said, yeah, he's developing his audience in the States.

00:23:37.000 So now he's doing like small theaters here.

00:23:39.000 He says, obviously, if he goes anywhere where people from the UK are, like so when he's in a big city and there's a lot of Brits, then he can sell out.

00:23:47.000 Like New York or Boston or something like that.

00:23:49.000 Yeah, he's a great writer.

00:23:51.000 Oh man, that guy's funny.

00:23:52.000 Sharp.

00:23:53.000 Just, yeah.

00:23:53.000 And so, so British.

00:23:55.000 Like, so dry and completely inappropriate.

00:23:59.000 Yes, yes.

00:24:00.000 You know, that's what I love about him.

00:24:01.000 We do, in Montreal, we do this benefit show for Hope and Cope.

00:24:06.000 And it's like a rehab medical facility.

00:24:11.000 You know, there's some cancer patients in there and people other.

00:24:14.000 And Jimmy just opens like, yeah, I gotta hurry up.

00:24:17.000 I don't have much time.

00:24:18.000 Well, I have time.

00:24:23.000 That was his opening joke.

00:24:26.000 And they loved it.

00:24:27.000 They just fell out.

00:24:30.000 He's like, any of you here last year?

00:24:33.000 No, probably not.

00:24:34.000 Anyway.

00:24:35.000 How do you think at this point most comics go to Montreal to hang out with other comics?

00:24:38.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:24:39.000 We call it summer camp, man.

00:24:40.000 Yeah.

00:24:41.000 You see, you know, yeah, you see friends and like I see him there every summer.

00:24:47.000 Right.

00:24:47.000 And then you see people who you just don't see or don't bump into, you know, regularly in your regular or whatever and you get to hang out.

00:24:56.000 Yeah.

00:24:56.000 And then there's always new people you meet.

00:24:58.000 Like this year I met Nick Kroll, who was cool.

00:25:01.000 He's great.

00:25:02.000 And, you know, because I like Big Mouth, his cartoon.

00:25:06.000 And Pete Holmes.

00:25:08.000 Pete Holmes was hilarious because he was doing this thing at the roast called Mean Pete.

00:25:13.000 So he was doing like a completely different character.

00:25:16.000 Because, you know, Pete Holmes is a nice guy.

00:25:17.000 And he was at the roast just destroying people.

00:25:20.000 And he just kept yelling, Mean Pete!

00:25:22.000 But yeah, so that kind of stuff.

00:25:24.000 Yeah, it's fun, man.

00:25:25.000 I haven't been in forever.

00:25:27.000 Well, that was the first time.

00:25:29.000 I don't know if you remember.

00:25:30.000 I definitely remember.

00:25:30.000 It was the first time you and me hung out.

00:25:33.000 When was this?

00:25:33.000 What year?

00:25:34.000 90s?

00:25:34.000 Yeah.

00:25:35.000 Damn, we're old.

00:25:36.000 Yeah.

00:25:38.000 So...

00:25:39.000 It was 99. It was my second time in Montreal, right?

00:25:42.000 And I'm doing comedy, I don't know, about six years.

00:25:45.000 So I'm still, like, new.

00:25:47.000 But I knew you from Laugh Factory and from around town.

00:25:52.000 And you were hanging out with Kevin James.

00:25:54.000 And I think he had just got his show or had just finished his first year of his show or whatever.

00:25:59.000 And you were like, come on.

00:26:00.000 And I jump in a cab and we went around doing spots.

00:26:03.000 And I'm like...

00:26:04.000 And you'd already been on news radio.

00:26:07.000 And I'm like...

00:26:09.000 Fuck, I'm hanging out with Joe and Kevin.

00:26:10.000 Like, we're doing spots.

00:26:11.000 You know what I mean?

00:26:12.000 Like, as a new comic, you're like, holy shit, this is the coolest shit.

00:26:16.000 Because I could get in, because I got out the cab with you two.

00:26:19.000 So they're like, yeah, yeah, you can do five.

00:26:21.000 So I still remember that.

00:26:23.000 That was fun.

00:26:24.000 But that's what Montreal is.

00:26:25.000 So now I'm that guy right now.

00:26:27.000 I've been to Montreal so much, I got people calling me in LA asking me about Montreal.

00:26:32.000 They told us to call you.

00:26:33.000 I had Chris Spencer calling me to get spots on shows.

00:26:38.000 I was like, Chris, I don't book it.

00:26:39.000 He's like, yeah, but you know.

00:26:40.000 And then I was able to get him a spot, so I guess I do know.

00:26:44.000 I guess it works.

00:26:45.000 Yeah, but the problem is if it works once, then you're the guy they call.

00:26:49.000 Yeah, so if you're listening to this podcast, no, I can't help you.

00:26:56.000 Do they still have a bunch of different venues where you can drive around and get spots?

00:27:00.000 No, not as much.

00:27:01.000 Everything's booked now.

00:27:02.000 You know the big difference now?

00:27:03.000 There's a lot more TV. Remember back then, there were like two or three people had hours.

00:27:10.000 Now, there's like a whole series of one hours that they're taping.

00:27:15.000 Kevin Hart did the whole LOL thing there for a couple of years, so he was taping all of that.

00:27:21.000 So there's a lot more...

00:27:23.000 TV is more involved.

00:27:24.000 This year, there wasn't a whole lot of Netflix.

00:27:26.000 The last two years, there was a ton of Netflix, and Netflix was doing a bunch of half hours and stuff.

00:27:31.000 And they were filming them in Montreal?

00:27:32.000 Yeah, they were filming them at the festival.

00:27:34.000 That seems weird to me.

00:27:36.000 It seems like the festival is supposed to be fun.

00:27:38.000 It's not supposed to film a special.

00:27:40.000 I think it's still fun in that, like you said, you see other comics and you get to hang out, but...

00:27:47.000 There's not the development business that there used to be.

00:27:51.000 That's not there.

00:27:53.000 But the content business is there.

00:27:56.000 And they figure, like, we got all these comics in one place.

00:27:59.000 We'll set up cameras and we'll shoot.

00:28:02.000 Bang, bang, bang, bang.

00:28:03.000 I think that's so...

00:28:06.000 There's still some shows where you could just jump on and it's friends of whoever.

00:28:12.000 And the midnight shows, they still do that.

00:28:14.000 They have a whole midnight surprise where you don't even know who's on the show.

00:28:19.000 And that day they call people like, hey, you want to do a spot?

00:28:22.000 And they still have the nasty show?

00:28:24.000 The Nasty show is still huge.

00:28:26.000 They do the ethnic show.

00:28:28.000 Now, remember there used to be...

00:28:29.000 That's what they call it?

00:28:30.000 Well, there used to be like the Wise Guys was the Italian show, right?

00:28:34.000 And then they had the Jewish show, and then they had the Uptown was a black show, and this and that.

00:28:38.000 Well, now they've combined all of that.

00:28:41.000 And they call it the ethnic show.

00:28:43.000 So there'll be just different comics on there from different ethnic groups.

00:28:47.000 I've hosted it a couple of times.

00:28:48.000 It's a lot of fun.

00:28:49.000 Do they expect you to do ethnic material?

00:28:51.000 No.

00:28:52.000 Some people do some, some don't.

00:28:55.000 I think my favorite one, one year I was hosting it and Natterman was on it.

00:29:00.000 Dan Natterman.

00:29:01.000 You know Natterman.

00:29:02.000 Hilarious guy.

00:29:03.000 He was like, yeah, ethnic.

00:29:04.000 Yeah, I'm a Jewish comic from New York.

00:29:06.000 That's such a rare find.

00:29:07.000 Yeah.

00:29:11.000 Ethnic is a weird word, too.

00:29:12.000 Isn't everybody ethnic?

00:29:14.000 Yeah, but it's their, you know, it's the right title for catch-all.

00:29:19.000 And also, the other big thing is, Canada, it's not as, they're not as hung up on it, right?

00:29:25.000 So you're not as worried about being politically correct or hurting someone's feel, you know what I mean?

00:29:31.000 Like, they understand, yeah, this is a comedy festival, and people are going to say shit that is inappropriate, and being friends...

00:29:42.000 We make fun of each other, right?

00:29:45.000 So your ethnic group may come into it, but not from a point of racism or hatred or judgment.

00:29:52.000 It's fucking funny that we're the same or different in our ethnicity or in our background, and we joke about it.

00:30:02.000 Does comedy works exist anymore out there?

00:30:05.000 Went under, right?

00:30:07.000 Unfortunately, the works went under.

00:30:09.000 Didn't Jimbo take off?

00:30:10.000 Yeah.

00:30:11.000 Vanish somewhere?

00:30:12.000 I don't know what happened to Jimbo.

00:30:13.000 I don't know.

00:30:14.000 I'm not sure what happened to him.

00:30:16.000 Jimbo was great.

00:30:17.000 That club, that was the epitome of comedy, right?

00:30:21.000 Yeah.

00:30:21.000 You go upstairs.

00:30:22.000 There's 150 people in a 120-seat room.

00:30:26.000 Is it even that many?

00:30:27.000 It was 120 seats and the fire marshal would have shut it down every night, right?

00:30:32.000 Because if there was a fire in Comedy Works, it would have been a horrible tragedy.

00:30:37.000 But the energy was, like, you get on that stage and just kill.

00:30:42.000 And, you know, it's like, yeah, we got the gala over here.

00:30:44.000 We got 3,000 seats in the most beautiful theater you can imagine.

00:30:49.000 But you really want to see, you really want to have fun.

00:30:52.000 Go upstairs to Comedy Works and sweat.

00:30:54.000 You're literally sweating for 15 minutes because there's no air conditioning.

00:30:59.000 It was terrible if it worked.

00:31:00.000 Heat rises, so we should put this place upstairs.

00:31:03.000 Yeah.

00:31:04.000 Well, when they wanted to stay warm in the winter.

00:31:07.000 Yeah.

00:31:07.000 And they have like a little comedy scene, like a local scene.

00:31:10.000 Yeah.

00:31:10.000 And they still have some places.

00:31:12.000 Like there was one I was working...

00:31:15.000 I can't remember the name of it, but it was the same kind of vibe.

00:31:17.000 It was like an upstairs bar that they converted for the festival.

00:31:22.000 They put in 100 chairs, and it was great.

00:31:26.000 And that's where they were doing Midnight Surprise.

00:31:27.000 So that venue is still really cool.

00:31:30.000 And then they have the Theater St. Catherine, which is like this small stage in a long room.

00:31:35.000 Yeah, I did that one more.

00:31:36.000 And that one still has...

00:31:39.000 So there are still...

00:31:41.000 Some places that have that funky comedy vibe.

00:31:45.000 But that Comedy Works room, is it still there?

00:31:48.000 Could somebody turn it into a- I don't know.

00:31:50.000 I have no idea if it's there or if it's been redeveloped, but yeah, Works was- That was the shit.

00:31:55.000 That was the great, that was the fun room.

00:31:57.000 That was where you ran your set before you do your gala or TV taping or whatever, and it would just- Yeah, it was crackling.

00:32:05.000 That was the first time I ever saw Lenny Schultz.

00:32:07.000 You ever see Crazy Lenny?

00:32:08.000 Do you know Crazy Lenny?

00:32:09.000 No.

00:32:10.000 He was a hilarious guy that was, right when I was coming up, he was just at the end of his run, the end of his career.

00:32:17.000 He's this wild, crazy old man who'd bring props on stage.

00:32:21.000 But it was like, his attitude was so fun, just a maniac.

00:32:26.000 Like, he would pull up a, you know, a Smokey the Bear doll.

00:32:30.000 And he was like, only you can prevent forest fires.

00:32:33.000 And he just yells, fuck you!

00:32:35.000 And he punches his bear in the face.

00:32:38.000 It didn't make any sense.

00:32:39.000 And on paper, it sounds so stupid.

00:32:41.000 No, but I know what you mean.

00:32:43.000 You're fucking holding your body.

00:32:44.000 You couldn't even stop laughing.

00:32:45.000 My favorite random funny thing like that.

00:32:48.000 There's a guy still touring, as far as I know, in Canada called Mel Silverback.

00:32:53.000 Ever hear of Mel Silverback?

00:32:54.000 Mel Silverback.

00:32:56.000 Half Jew, half Silverback Mountain Gorilla.

00:32:59.000 And he would wear the tuxedo with the big ruffled shirt like the old Catskills comics.

00:33:04.000 And he wore gorilla hands and a gorilla head.

00:33:08.000 I'm telling you.

00:33:09.000 And he would do these old Catskills style jokes.

00:33:13.000 With a gorilla mask on?

00:33:15.000 Oh man, Joe.

00:33:17.000 He auditioned for last comic when I was a judge.

00:33:20.000 We were falling out of here.

00:33:21.000 Jane Goodall, she's a whore.

00:33:24.000 You should have seen her with those chimps.

00:33:25.000 It was disgusting.

00:33:28.000 And apparently he's a thing in Canada, like he's a late night dirty comic towards Canada.

00:33:34.000 But it was the dumbest thing.

00:33:37.000 But to see it, I mean, we were pounding on the table.

00:33:40.000 We could not breathe because it was all old stuff.

00:33:43.000 Cheap one-liners like the Catskills and he had the suit and he was a gorilla and he would put it all in.

00:33:52.000 So it was all from a Silverback Mountain Gorilla point of view.

00:33:56.000 Like what's your point of view?

00:33:58.000 Silverback Mountain Gorilla is how I see the world.

00:34:01.000 But the good thing about that act, too, is he could die and somebody could just take his spot.

00:34:05.000 Yeah, somebody could take over.

00:34:07.000 And the thing was, we picked him for last comic, right?

00:34:10.000 But then this is where TV kills comedy.

00:34:13.000 So now he's on primetime NBC and he can't do that.

00:34:17.000 You can't say she's a whore.

00:34:20.000 Everything that made him funny was like, no, the censors won't allow it.

00:34:24.000 So now people are like, Why is he wearing gorilla hands?

00:34:27.000 Yeah, it just...

00:34:29.000 So sad.

00:34:30.000 Yeah.

00:34:30.000 TV just rips the guts out of comedy again.

00:34:33.000 Let me see what makes you funny.

00:34:35.000 Okay, let's not do that.

00:34:36.000 Do you remember Gallagher 2?

00:34:39.000 Yeah.

00:34:39.000 Remember his brother?

00:34:41.000 You couldn't afford Gallagher.

00:34:43.000 Yeah, he was doing, like, Gallagher was doing giant theaters, and Gallagher 2, his brother, was doing, like, little comedy clubs.

00:34:50.000 Like, he, I would see it, like, in places that I was working.

00:34:53.000 Yeah.

00:34:53.000 Like, when I was coming up, it would be like, oh, and then next weekend it's Gallagher 2. I'm like...

00:34:58.000 What's Gallagher do?

00:35:00.000 And didn't they get into a fight, like a legal fight over ownership of...

00:35:03.000 Because Gallagher wanted to come back.

00:35:05.000 Yeah.

00:35:05.000 See, Gallagher apparently, like, temporarily retired, and he sold his act to his brother, Gallagher II. And his brother looked...

00:35:15.000 His brother looked a lot like him.

00:35:17.000 And he had, you know, he just basically, he picked up like a job.

00:35:20.000 It's like having an affiliate or like a, you know, like a...

00:35:24.000 Like syndication.

00:35:25.000 Yeah.

00:35:25.000 You syndicated the act.

00:35:26.000 Yeah, you just, you know, if you want to buy a 7-Eleven.

00:35:30.000 Yeah.

00:35:30.000 Well, it's like the Blue Man Group.

00:35:32.000 Like there's different Blue Man Groups around the country.

00:35:35.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:35:36.000 But there's no like...

00:35:37.000 It was a blue man.

00:35:40.000 If it was just one blue man, maybe that would be...

00:35:42.000 So Gallagher's brother took all the jokes and the props and started buying watermelons and sledgehammers and just toured the country.

00:35:52.000 I would love to be in court when they had that fight.

00:35:56.000 Like, Your Honor, here's how I smash a watermelon.

00:35:59.000 And here's my brother.

00:36:00.000 Here's how I smash a watermelon.

00:36:01.000 Like, how do you decide?

00:36:02.000 I think it was just a matter of whether or not he could continue to do the act.

00:36:06.000 But, I mean, is it his last name, Gallagher?

00:36:08.000 Is it a real name?

00:36:09.000 So it is.

00:36:10.000 Leo was the original, and Ron is the brother.

00:36:14.000 And they're both named Gallagher, right?

00:36:16.000 It's like if a girl breaks up with you and you fuck her slightly less good-looking sister.

00:36:21.000 It's like, hmm.

00:36:21.000 I don't know if this is right.

00:36:23.000 Not quite.

00:36:23.000 Yeah.

00:36:24.000 So that's, I think, right here is the OG. That's the original.

00:36:26.000 That's the original?

00:36:27.000 This picture here would be the brother.

00:36:29.000 Is it?

00:36:29.000 Wow.

00:36:29.000 Are you sure?

00:36:30.000 Yeah.

00:36:30.000 I picked up this as a...

00:36:32.000 Wow, that is...

00:36:33.000 Yeah.

00:36:34.000 I wouldn't want to be that judge because that...

00:36:36.000 The Ballad of Ron Gallagher?

00:36:38.000 Blogfoot?

00:36:40.000 Yeah.

00:36:40.000 Someone must have wrote the story about it.

00:36:42.000 Wow.

00:36:43.000 So, yeah.

00:36:44.000 It was close enough.

00:36:46.000 Yeah.

00:36:46.000 So you would kind of feel like it was Gallagher.

00:36:50.000 How weird.

00:36:52.000 And so then after a while, I think Gallagher got tired of being retired, and he said, I'm coming back.

00:36:59.000 And his brother's like, well, I'm fucking going to continue doing this act.

00:37:02.000 He's like, no, you're not, bitch.

00:37:03.000 You're going to have to find a new way to make a living.

00:37:05.000 But I bought it from you, right?

00:37:07.000 So I own it now.

00:37:08.000 Like, you being in your probably 40s, and your brother, who's like of a similar age, just picks up comedy and just starts doing your routine.

00:37:17.000 Like, 100%.

00:37:18.000 You know, he calls himself Alonzo, too.

00:37:21.000 Yeah.

00:37:22.000 That's crazy.

00:37:24.000 Well, Charlie Murphy could have done that, right?

00:37:28.000 He sounded enough like Eddie that he could have.

00:37:33.000 I mean, no, he wouldn't.

00:37:36.000 But what I'm saying is he could have done it piggybacked Eddie.

00:37:42.000 That's such a different way of talking.

00:37:44.000 Yeah.

00:37:45.000 I mean, his way of talking was so much more aggressive and raspy.

00:37:50.000 Yeah.

00:37:51.000 I miss that dude.

00:37:52.000 Yeah.

00:37:53.000 I had a good fucking time with him, man.

00:37:54.000 We did a whole tour of the country for 30 days.

00:37:58.000 Oh, nice.

00:37:58.000 Me, him, and Hefron.

00:37:59.000 Oh, yeah?

00:38:00.000 Yeah.

00:38:00.000 That's cool.

00:38:01.000 We did this Maxim Bud Light tour.

00:38:03.000 You remember what those, the real men of Bud Light, where they would sing?

00:38:07.000 Yes, yes.

00:38:08.000 Real American heroes.

00:38:10.000 Yeah, I remember those commercials, yeah.

00:38:12.000 The guy who sang was the lead singer of Survivor, the Eye of the Tiger guy.

00:38:17.000 Oh, yeah?

00:38:18.000 Yeah.

00:38:18.000 So we were on tour with those guys.

00:38:20.000 So those guys would sing songs, and they had little punchlines they would do with the songs, and they would have a local guy, which is actually how I met Tom Segura.

00:38:29.000 I met Tom Segura because we were doing the Hollywood Theater or Celebrity Theater, whatever it is, in Phoenix.

00:38:35.000 And Segura was the opening act, the local opening act.

00:38:38.000 Okay.

00:38:38.000 I think he did like five or ten minutes and he was hilarious.

00:38:42.000 That's why I became buddies with him and started taking him on the road with me.

00:38:45.000 But then, you know, there would be the real American hero guys and then it would be Hefron and then Charlie and me.

00:38:51.000 And we did 22 dates over a month.

00:38:54.000 We had a great fucking time.

00:38:56.000 I only met him once, but he was real cool.

00:38:58.000 I met him in Vegas.

00:39:01.000 It was the Dirty at 12.30.

00:39:04.000 We were doing the Dirty, and he came by, and we just hung out backstage and met him for a minute.

00:39:08.000 But yeah, he seemed cool.

00:39:09.000 Couldn't be cool.

00:39:10.000 That was maybe a year, maybe two years at most, before he passed away.

00:39:15.000 Ugh.

00:39:16.000 He did my podcast in the early, early, early days.

00:39:20.000 We always talked about doing it again, but he never did it again.

00:39:22.000 But he had some great fucking stories about Mike Tyson, about visiting Mike Tyson.

00:39:26.000 And Mike Tyson was outside with a tiger and nobody wanted to get out of the limo.

00:39:32.000 Well, you know, the tragic thing about comics, right, is when a comic dies, his act dies with him.

00:39:38.000 Yeah.

00:39:39.000 You know, whereas singers, somebody else will sing the songs of it, but when a comic goes, so when you have some, like Patrice, you know, like, that's all gone.

00:39:48.000 Like, you know, and so many comics, like, yeah, when they're gone...

00:39:54.000 That act is gone.

00:39:55.000 And you remember it, and it was hilarious, but nobody can do their act after that.

00:40:00.000 I think there was a guy that was doing a Bill Hicks tribute show, and he was doing Bill Hicks with all Bill Hicks material, and he dressed like him and acted like him.

00:40:11.000 It died that day.

00:40:12.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:40:14.000 See if you can find that.

00:40:15.000 I think they were trying to do that, almost like someone trying to be like Mark Twain.

00:40:20.000 Like you could do a Samuel Clemens one-man show and read the works of Mark Twain with a goofy mustache on.

00:40:27.000 Right.

00:40:27.000 Well, it's like in Vegas, the Rat Pack.

00:40:29.000 Right.

00:40:30.000 They can do that.

00:40:31.000 Right.

00:40:32.000 Right.

00:40:32.000 But it doesn't work with comedy.

00:40:34.000 You could do the Rat Pack.

00:40:35.000 You can't do Don Rickles.

00:40:38.000 Right.

00:40:38.000 You can't do it.

00:40:40.000 No, you can't.

00:40:41.000 Vegas is a weird place for fucking impersonators, right?

00:40:45.000 That impersonator life, I can't imagine it because some of them are so deep into it.

00:40:51.000 I do these jazz cruises and they do other cruises.

00:40:57.000 So they had an 80s cruise.

00:40:59.000 And we had a Michael Jackson impersonator.

00:41:02.000 And this guy stayed in character for the whole cruise to where you want to say like, yo man, you know you're not Michael Jackson.

00:41:09.000 I mean, he was like getting off the ship in port.

00:41:12.000 You know what I mean?

00:41:13.000 Like when you go to the shops or have lunch.

00:41:18.000 Michael Jackson.

00:41:20.000 Full outfit?

00:41:21.000 Outfit.

00:41:22.000 Glove?

00:41:24.000 Yeah, the hair, the makeup.

00:41:27.000 Yeah, it was weird.

00:41:30.000 And, you know, it's kind of a strange talent, right, to be like, yeah, I'm this person.

00:41:37.000 So what if that person didn't exist?

00:41:39.000 Who are you?

00:41:40.000 What's your thing, you know?

00:41:44.000 And I heard the Prince guy is like that.

00:41:46.000 I don't know, but I've heard that there's a Prince guy...

00:41:53.000 Yeah.

00:42:12.000 Oh, with like new material?

00:42:14.000 Yeah.

00:42:14.000 Get the fuck out of here with that.

00:42:15.000 That's even worse.

00:42:16.000 That's disgusting.

00:42:17.000 That's even worse.

00:42:17.000 I'm going to project what Bill Hicks would have thought of today's world.

00:42:22.000 How dare you.

00:42:24.000 Yeah.

00:42:25.000 It was in London.

00:42:26.000 It wasn't even here.

00:42:27.000 Oh, fucking London.

00:42:28.000 Settle down, London.

00:42:30.000 Stop trying.

00:42:31.000 That's what they need to get.

00:42:33.000 Alex Jones to be Bill Hicks.

00:42:35.000 Just give him a little more hair.

00:42:37.000 I think that's the closest thing I could find that we were talking about.

00:42:39.000 Oh, that's interesting.

00:42:41.000 There's been a couple shows.

00:42:42.000 Okay, maybe I read it wrong.

00:42:43.000 Because I could have swore there was a guy who was doing Bill Hicks material.

00:42:47.000 He was doing it again.

00:42:50.000 What is that Bill Hicks dark poet?

00:42:52.000 Is that actually Hicks?

00:42:54.000 In the lower right-hand side, the blue one?

00:42:56.000 Keep going.

00:42:57.000 Bang.

00:42:57.000 What's that?

00:42:58.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:43:01.000 That's not Hicks.

00:43:03.000 That's the guy that pretended to be Hicks.

00:43:05.000 Yeah, that's the guy.

00:43:06.000 That's the same show I was telling you about.

00:43:08.000 Barf.

00:43:09.000 This show picks our life as a ride, but this show is a bumpy journey.

00:43:14.000 That show's death.

00:43:16.000 Oh yeah, no, this is a different guy even.

00:43:18.000 He did a show called Dark Poet.

00:43:19.000 All of them.

00:43:20.000 Stop.

00:43:21.000 Look, the way they dress, everything.

00:43:22.000 Stop.

00:43:23.000 You're not from Texas.

00:43:24.000 Shut your mouth.

00:43:25.000 Go home.

00:43:26.000 Go home, you fuck.

00:43:27.000 Write your own act.

00:43:29.000 That's the thing about comedy.

00:43:30.000 I'm going to go to Edinburgh and pretend to be Bill Hicks and hope nobody here has ever actually seen him.

00:43:35.000 Get some surgery.

00:43:36.000 Look like Hicks.

00:43:37.000 The Michael Jackson people, you've got to get fucked up surgery.

00:43:41.000 Yeah.

00:43:41.000 Not regular surgery.

00:43:42.000 You've got to get the fucked up chin thing.

00:43:44.000 It's the weirdest.

00:43:47.000 Again, like you say, to be an impersonator.

00:43:49.000 And now I guess Queen is big.

00:43:52.000 As they make these movies, right?

00:43:54.000 So now people are going to want to be that.

00:43:57.000 They want overbites.

00:43:58.000 Yeah.

00:43:58.000 They want to get an overbite.

00:43:59.000 Get some buck teeth.

00:44:01.000 Can you mess up these teeth?

00:44:03.000 Yeah.

00:44:03.000 They probably have to wear fake teeth.

00:44:05.000 Yeah.

00:44:06.000 He had some crazy ass teeth.

00:44:10.000 What a talent that guy had.

00:44:12.000 But he said it helped his voice.

00:44:13.000 Really?

00:44:14.000 That's what he said, you know, in the movie that he said he could sing at that range because of his shape of his mouth, which may be true.

00:44:21.000 I don't know.

00:44:22.000 I don't know how it...

00:44:23.000 How does he know?

00:44:24.000 He's never had a different shaped mouth.

00:44:26.000 That's true.

00:44:27.000 Yeah.

00:44:27.000 Well, whatever it was, it worked.

00:44:29.000 He's making lemonade.

00:44:30.000 That's what it is.

00:44:33.000 But you're right.

00:44:34.000 Like that talent, you know, that...

00:44:38.000 Who's like that now?

00:44:40.000 Are there bands like that now?

00:44:43.000 Because Queen kept...

00:44:45.000 Every song was different.

00:44:47.000 You knew it was Queen, but it was completely different than the last hit that they did.

00:44:52.000 That's what was crazy about it.

00:44:54.000 I think those bands that grew up with no internet, they will forever be unique.

00:45:01.000 Because it was a different world.

00:45:03.000 And the kind of creativity that it took to become those bands.

00:45:09.000 Like, the kind of creativity that it takes to become The Who.

00:45:14.000 Today, the world is like a different place.

00:45:18.000 They develop touring, like the Beatles.

00:45:21.000 They develop touring and performing constantly and writing.

00:45:26.000 Sure, they were influenced by other bands, but not nearly to the extent that people are today.

00:45:32.000 Yeah.

00:45:33.000 And also, there's kind of a conformity today to the marketing.

00:45:38.000 Like, we want you to be this so we can sell it, you know?

00:45:42.000 I was playing Earth, Wind& Fire for somebody, and it was one of their instrumentals.

00:45:47.000 And I told them, I said, well, you know, Earth, Wind& Fire would also play jazz with Ramsey Lewis.

00:45:52.000 Like, they were the same musicians.

00:45:53.000 And they were like, oh!

00:45:55.000 Because I saw them once, and they were doing this whole jazz thing, and I wondered what it was.

00:45:58.000 And it was like...

00:45:59.000 Yeah, they were actual musicians.

00:46:01.000 And a band like Earth, can you imagine showing up now with a band like, yeah, there's 27 of us.

00:46:05.000 We got a horn section in addition to that.

00:46:07.000 They'd be like, what?

00:46:09.000 No!

00:46:10.000 Like, we're not paying for actual musicians.

00:46:12.000 Like, those bands had horn sections and rhythm sections.

00:46:17.000 It was a lot of people.

00:46:18.000 How did they make money?

00:46:19.000 Well...

00:46:20.000 They charge a lot for tickets.

00:46:22.000 They have to.

00:46:23.000 Well, you know what else?

00:46:25.000 27 people on the stage.

00:46:26.000 Records.

00:46:27.000 Right.

00:46:27.000 Records were real.

00:46:28.000 Records.

00:46:29.000 So record sales, like when you sold a million records, you made a lot of money from selling a million records.

00:46:36.000 And then you had, you know, those bands, like I did one of these 80s things with War.

00:46:42.000 And the number blew my mind, but then I realized that War sold over 50 million records.

00:46:49.000 Right.

00:46:50.000 But then when you think about it, yeah, they had a hit every summer.

00:46:55.000 For like six, seven years, right?

00:46:57.000 Like, Why Can't We Be Friends, The Lowrider, On It.

00:47:01.000 They had a whole list of hits.

00:47:03.000 Like, every one of the songs would start playing.

00:47:05.000 Like, oh yeah, I know this song.

00:47:06.000 I know this song.

00:47:09.000 50 million records.

00:47:11.000 And how much do you think each record cost?

00:47:14.000 10 bucks?

00:47:15.000 Yeah.

00:47:15.000 What more records?

00:47:16.000 9.99 or whatever?

00:47:18.000 Yeah, something like that.

00:47:19.000 So that's 500 million.

00:47:21.000 Yeah, and they probably got, they had to get what, at least a buck or two bucks off of each one after everybody else took their cut.

00:47:29.000 Yeah, and then all the touring money.

00:47:31.000 Yeah.

00:47:31.000 I was talking to someone who's in a band now, and they were explaining to me that these record companies, they don't just take your record sales anymore, like iTunes sales.

00:47:42.000 They now take merchandise.

00:47:45.000 They take touring money.

00:47:47.000 When you sign, you sign to an all-exclusive deal, because the record companies can't really justify their existence anymore, because they can't really sell records.

00:47:54.000 Yeah, because all the musicians I know say the only time they sell records Right.

00:48:15.000 Well, you have a slot for it.

00:48:17.000 Well, yeah, that's what people say when they buy them after shows.

00:48:19.000 They're like, you know, and I joke about it because I have CDs and download cards.

00:48:23.000 You sell CDs still?

00:48:25.000 It's generational.

00:48:26.000 It is literally the line is right at about the age 40. If they're older, they want a CD, right?

00:48:33.000 And I said, you know, so if you try to sell them a download card, they're like, what?

00:48:39.000 I'm not paying you for a business card.

00:48:41.000 What is this?

00:48:41.000 Right?

00:48:42.000 But then if you get a younger person and you try to sell them a CD, where am I going to play this?

00:48:46.000 My grandfather's house?

00:48:48.000 My computers don't even come with a drive anymore, like a disk drive.

00:48:52.000 But records.

00:48:53.000 People like records now.

00:48:54.000 People want to buy vinyl.

00:48:55.000 Why don't you sell vinyl?

00:48:57.000 Because that's a small percentage that want to buy vinyl.

00:49:00.000 But I think your crowd, like you're into jazz and shit?

00:49:02.000 Nah, they're buying...

00:49:04.000 You know what?

00:49:05.000 Jazz fans still have CD players.

00:49:08.000 Like, they made the switch from records to CDs, and they're like, that's it.

00:49:11.000 I'm not going back.

00:49:13.000 I'm not getting the records out of the garage.

00:49:15.000 So there's not a record industry for jazz?

00:49:19.000 Some, but it's for the...

00:49:23.000 Yeah, there's some, but it's not big.

00:49:25.000 Blue Note Jazz Label is doing records again for their artists, but they're selling to the younger people, not the older people.

00:49:36.000 Older people aren't...

00:49:37.000 We're good to go.

00:49:56.000 So there's...

00:49:56.000 So why do they live here?

00:49:58.000 Because it's L.A. They record here, you know.

00:50:02.000 I'm trying to remember the name of it on Sunset.

00:50:04.000 Catalina Bar and Grill on Sunset is good.

00:50:07.000 And Vibrato on Beverly Glen is good.

00:50:11.000 Vibrato is owned by Herb Alpert.

00:50:13.000 Oh, really?

00:50:14.000 Yeah.

00:50:14.000 So is this something like you'll go out on a Wednesday night or something like that?

00:50:18.000 You'll go see some jazz?

00:50:18.000 No, I do more...

00:50:23.000 I love going to festivals.

00:50:25.000 Yeah, I love going to jazz festivals.

00:50:28.000 I'm guilty of that.

00:50:29.000 I'll go to a jazz club in New York more so than I would in L.A. Really?

00:50:34.000 Yeah.

00:50:34.000 Why?

00:50:35.000 Because it's more the vibe.

00:50:36.000 The vibe in New York, it just fits.

00:50:38.000 That's where they come from, and that's where they jam.

00:50:41.000 But I've been to a few times.

00:50:44.000 I'll go, definitely if I know somebody who's playing there, I'll go see them at Catalina.

00:50:49.000 I've never experienced good jazz.

00:50:52.000 I'm sure it's real.

00:50:53.000 I know you're not dumb.

00:50:57.000 Man, this...

00:50:58.000 What is this, Jamie?

00:50:59.000 This is Catalina, but Dick Van Dyke performs there kind of frequently.

00:51:03.000 Right.

00:51:03.000 He performs jazz?

00:51:05.000 That's the only reason I know of it, because it's on Sunset in Hollywood.

00:51:07.000 Oh, there he is.

00:51:08.000 Dick Van Dyke pops up there.

00:51:09.000 Is he doing stand-up?

00:51:10.000 No, he does jazz.

00:51:11.000 He sings.

00:51:12.000 What?

00:51:12.000 See, but this is the thing, and this is the thing about jazz.

00:51:16.000 So you see that.

00:51:16.000 Now, call up a guy, look up...

00:51:19.000 Hold on, I want to hear some of this.

00:51:21.000 Before I swing...

00:51:23.000 Oh, here it goes...

00:51:27.000 Does he have a cigarette?

00:51:29.000 Yeah.

00:51:39.000 Okay, stop this immediately.

00:51:41.000 Yeah.

00:51:41.000 What is that?

00:51:42.000 That's old...

00:51:44.000 Yes.

00:51:45.000 Acoustic jazz.

00:51:46.000 But that's the jazz that keeps people from listening to jazz.

00:51:49.000 You know, that's the jazz people are like, oh, never mind.

00:51:53.000 You look up a guy like Robert Glasper, who's just this brilliant young keyboard player, and he has two bands.

00:51:59.000 He has the Robert Glasper Trio, which is just a jazz trio, piano, bass, and drums, which are brilliant.

00:52:05.000 Then he's got the Robert Glasper Experience, which is his electronic keyboard.

00:52:10.000 Electric band.

00:52:11.000 And he'll have everyone singing on that from like Layla Hathaway, Donny Hathaway's daughter, who's a brilliant vocalist, to Lupe Fiasco, you know, to Mos Def.

00:52:21.000 They all perform together.

00:52:23.000 He hangs out with the Roots.

00:52:25.000 The Roots have a jam session in New York that all these jazz artists come to.

00:52:31.000 So that's what's going on.

00:52:33.000 That I love.

00:52:34.000 It's really...

00:52:35.000 I mean, jazz has always been the most creative music, you know?

00:52:39.000 It's just...

00:52:40.000 And that's why I love it.

00:52:42.000 These guys are...

00:52:43.000 They're masters of their instruments, and it's all about creativity.

00:52:47.000 And, you know, even when they do covers...

00:52:51.000 It's great because they do it in such a different way.

00:52:55.000 Robert Glasper experienced the first time I heard him, they did Smells Like Teen Spirit.

00:53:01.000 And I was like, thank you.

00:53:03.000 He can look up anything.

00:53:06.000 So that's the kind of thing in jazz.

00:53:10.000 My buddy Marcus Miller, who's this brilliant bass player, He was Luther Vandross' musical director, and he did all the music for Luther, right?

00:53:19.000 And that was all great.

00:53:20.000 But he also produced music for Miles Davis, you know?

00:53:23.000 And he's done stuff, again, with anybody from, like, you know, Bill Withers to classic...

00:53:34.000 Old school jazz artists.

00:53:37.000 So yeah, jazz covers a wide range.

00:53:39.000 And that's what I love about it.

00:53:40.000 But there's a lot of young jazz artists now who are bringing in hip hop and...

00:54:04.000 I think?

00:54:09.000 Really?

00:54:10.000 Oh, wow.

00:54:11.000 So it's crossover.

00:54:12.000 Yeah, it's like, yeah.

00:54:13.000 I'll go with Kendrick Lamar, and I need to make $5 million, so I'm going to do this music.

00:54:20.000 But when I can just create and play and have fun and just be a musician, then I go to my jazz roots, and I jam with these guys in a whole different vibe.

00:54:30.000 Here's right here?

00:54:31.000 Yeah.

00:54:33.000 This sounds like Conspirate jazz version.

00:54:36.000 That's hilarious.

00:54:38.000 What is going on with his head?

00:54:40.000 What is up there?

00:54:41.000 Is that hair?

00:54:42.000 Is it a hat?

00:54:43.000 I can't help you with that.

00:54:44.000 That red stripe?

00:54:45.000 I got nothing.

00:54:46.000 What's happening there?

00:54:47.000 Nah, it's a hat.

00:54:48.000 Is that a hat?

00:54:49.000 It's a hat, yeah.

00:54:50.000 That can't be his hair.

00:54:53.000 Interesting.

00:54:58.000 So he's using a vocoder so as he sings it comes through the instrument.

00:55:02.000 Wow.

00:55:05.000 These guys gotta be high.

00:55:07.000 Yeah.

00:55:09.000 No way around it.

00:55:10.000 Well, that part of jazz never changed.

00:55:12.000 Yeah.

00:55:14.000 Miles Davis has always been fascinating to me.

00:55:17.000 All the people in musical history, he's always been this one dude where I was like, I would have loved to have met that guy.

00:55:26.000 Me too.

00:55:26.000 He's so fucking intense.

00:55:27.000 Marcus, you know, played in his band and knew him.

00:55:30.000 I would have loved to have seen him, just to see him live, because, you know, he did a record called Kinda Blue, which is the biggest selling jazz record ever.

00:55:39.000 He did it in 59. It still sells thousands of copies a week.

00:55:44.000 Like, it's still a big, you know, Kinda Blue is the standard.

00:55:48.000 But he also played covers of, like, Human Nature and Time After Time.

00:55:52.000 Like, in the 80s, he was doing covers of that.

00:55:55.000 Wow.

00:55:57.000 So, again, that was the thing about a jazz artist.

00:56:01.000 He was like, yeah, well, it's good music, so I'm going to play it.

00:56:03.000 I don't care if it was written by Cyndi Lauper or Duke Ellington.

00:56:09.000 If it's good music, I'm going to play it.

00:56:12.000 And that's what's so cool about it.

00:56:13.000 But yeah, so those are places.

00:56:15.000 But when you go to the jazz festivals, whether it be the Playboy Jazz Festival, Newport Jazz Festival, just like our comedy festivals where you get a bunch of musicians who are like, yeah, we're all here together.

00:56:27.000 Let's jam.

00:56:29.000 Let's play something.

00:56:29.000 And sometimes the best music will be It's random, not part of the set, but like, oh man, remember when we played together in, you know, 97 in Montreux?

00:56:41.000 Yeah, let's come on stage and we'll play.

00:56:43.000 And then you hear something that, again, just like in comedy, when some comics just improv-ing, or, you know, they're doing the same thing.

00:56:52.000 They're improv-ing.

00:56:53.000 To me, the big compliment I get from jazz musicians is when they compliment me on my improv, right?

00:56:58.000 You know, because it's like, yeah, you guys are the experts.

00:57:01.000 You need, like, improv is you guys created it.

00:57:04.000 So if I'm doing something and you think it's cool, Craig Robinson, you know Craig.

00:57:08.000 Sure.

00:57:09.000 He's a, talk about both sides.

00:57:12.000 Like, he's got the comedy and music thing, and he's respected on both.

00:57:16.000 Yes.

00:57:16.000 He's like, the musicians love him and comics love him, and he's, Yeah, Craig.

00:57:21.000 In Montreal, Craig did a big outdoor show.

00:57:24.000 It was like a block party.

00:57:26.000 Really?

00:57:26.000 The giant outdoor stage.

00:57:28.000 Yeah, Craig played it.

00:57:30.000 And it was hilarious because he's doing his act, right?

00:57:32.000 So it's a big outdoor thing and families with their kids and he's singing Take Your Panties Off.

00:57:37.000 And I'm like, yeah, so this I guess is the uncensored Craig.

00:57:41.000 But it was hilarious, you know?

00:57:43.000 Very cool.

00:57:45.000 I saw Dizzy Gillespie once when I was a kid.

00:57:48.000 When I was in...

00:57:49.000 God, I had to be like second or third grade.

00:57:52.000 I was living in San Francisco.

00:57:53.000 We had a field trip.

00:57:54.000 Went to see Dizzy Gillespie live.

00:57:57.000 And I'll never forget it.

00:57:58.000 Like, you know, his cheeks would blow up like a bullfrog.

00:58:03.000 But that's not even the way you're supposed to play the trumpet.

00:58:07.000 Right, and that's what's so great about it.

00:58:10.000 Because nobody taught him the right way to play it, so he just played it.

00:58:14.000 Most people don't even know who Dizzy Gillespie is, but if you see him live, you never forget like that.

00:58:20.000 Like, what in the fuck?

00:58:22.000 Like, you see his face blow up, you're like, how?

00:58:26.000 How?

00:58:27.000 How are you doing that?

00:58:29.000 How is that real?

00:58:30.000 But you're supposed to keep your cheeks tight, like the way they would teach you.

00:58:34.000 They would never teach you to do that.

00:58:36.000 And you probably couldn't.

00:58:38.000 I know I couldn't.

00:58:39.000 You know, he just had a way of doing it.

00:58:42.000 I wonder what year he died.

00:58:45.000 Don't know.

00:58:47.000 But I was a little kid when I saw him.

00:58:50.000 He died in 93. 93. In New Jersey.

00:58:54.000 Damn.

00:58:55.000 I... I met Arturo Sandoval.

00:59:00.000 And they did a movie about him.

00:59:02.000 Andy Garcia did a movie about him.

00:59:03.000 Really?

00:59:04.000 Yeah, he's this Cuban trumpet player.

00:59:07.000 And I want to say it was, he was telling the story, and I want to say it was Dizzy Gillespie.

00:59:16.000 I think?

00:59:33.000 And Dizzy Gillespie and the head, I want to say it was Dizzy, I might be wrong, but they went to the U.S. State Department, the head of CBS Records, and said, we have to get him in the United States.

00:59:45.000 Like, he has to be here.

00:59:48.000 And they did it.

00:59:49.000 The State Department got an arturo.

00:59:51.000 Now, imagine this, Joe.

00:59:53.000 How'd they get him?

00:59:53.000 They went to the State Department.

00:59:55.000 It was an artist thing.

00:59:56.000 They said, we want this guy to come to the U.S. How'd they sneak him out of Cuba?

00:59:59.000 How'd they sneak him out of Cuba?

00:59:59.000 I have no idea.

01:00:00.000 But no, they didn't sneak him out.

01:00:02.000 It was a state-sponsored thing.

01:00:04.000 So he came over here to perform and then went back?

01:00:06.000 No.

01:00:07.000 He came over and stayed.

01:00:09.000 But this was the crazy part.

01:00:10.000 This is the part I can't imagine.

01:00:11.000 So he flies from Cuba into LaGuardia Airport.

01:00:16.000 And they take him straight to Carnegie Hall for soundcheck.

01:00:19.000 And he plays Carnegie Hall that night.

01:00:22.000 I mean, can you imagine?

01:00:23.000 Like, imagine your first gig, right?

01:00:26.000 Like, somebody saw you, you know, I don't know.

01:00:29.000 Rodney Dangerfield saw you at a club in Boston.

01:00:32.000 And he was like, okay, Joe.

01:00:38.000 Oh my god.

01:00:40.000 It's a crazy story, but to this day, but Arturo is like, when he plays the trumpet, you know it's him.

01:00:46.000 Like, he hits notes on the trumpet like only dogs can hear.

01:00:51.000 Like, he's famous for the super high notes and stuff like that.

01:00:53.000 But yeah, that's...

01:00:55.000 That's what I love about it.

01:00:57.000 So I love the creativity.

01:00:58.000 And then, you know, Marcus was telling me, because he's from New York, from Queens, 70s, 80s guy.

01:01:03.000 He said, well, you know what happened with hip-hop?

01:01:05.000 He said, one of the things was they took music out of the schools, right?

01:01:09.000 They didn't, you know, they don't teach.

01:01:10.000 You can't take an instrument anymore.

01:01:12.000 They were like, it's out of the budget, blah, blah.

01:01:14.000 He said, well, you can't stop people from creating.

01:01:17.000 So these guys, they didn't have musical instruments, but they had records.

01:01:21.000 So they just started making music with their records.

01:01:23.000 They just started mixing the records and coming up with new sounds.

01:01:27.000 And it was like, yeah, that kind of makes sense.

01:01:29.000 If you're musical and nobody teaches you to play an instrument, but you have these records, you're like, all right, well, what if I played this and this at the same time?

01:01:38.000 And then the next thing you know, they made that hip-hop, which that hip-hop caught on.

01:01:44.000 Yeah, that never existed before, right?

01:01:46.000 The idea of mixing two different records together until hip-hop came around.

01:01:50.000 No one ever did that with rock and roll, did they?

01:01:52.000 No, no.

01:01:52.000 And then hip-hop mixed in rock and roll, right?

01:01:55.000 Run DMC with Aerosmith, Walk This Way.

01:01:59.000 That blew people's minds.

01:02:01.000 People didn't know what to do.

01:02:02.000 That was like, wait a minute, that's black and white.

01:02:04.000 They can't play together.

01:02:08.000 Yeah.

01:02:09.000 And Adidas was like, yes they can.

01:02:12.000 And they're wearing Adidas while they do it.

01:02:13.000 Did you ever listen to any of the brand new heavies?

01:02:16.000 Yeah.

01:02:17.000 They did hip hop with the brand new heavies?

01:02:19.000 Yeah.

01:02:20.000 It's a heavy rhyme experience.

01:02:22.000 Is that what it's called?

01:02:23.000 It's to this day one of my favorite old school, like 1990s style rap slash...

01:02:33.000 Yeah, the brand new heavies were great.

01:02:35.000 Yeah.

01:02:35.000 They were great.

01:02:36.000 And then you had Living Color, who I still love.

01:02:39.000 Oh, man.

01:02:39.000 I forgot about that.

01:02:40.000 Living Color.

01:02:41.000 Cult of Personality.

01:02:41.000 Yeah, that was a great...

01:02:42.000 And you talk about being ahead of their time.

01:02:45.000 Like, think about that song, Cult of Personality, today.

01:02:48.000 Right.

01:02:50.000 Yeah, right.

01:02:52.000 That's the CM Punk walkout music.

01:02:54.000 Yeah.

01:02:55.000 And that was another band where they were like, okay, let me get this straight.

01:02:58.000 This is a heavy...

01:03:00.000 Like a heavy metal rock and roll band of black guys who are sampling Public Enemy.

01:03:06.000 Right.

01:03:07.000 What the fuck?

01:03:09.000 What the fuck?

01:03:11.000 Yeah.

01:03:12.000 Well, there's some weird...

01:03:13.000 There he is.

01:03:15.000 He had the crazy hair with the shaved sides.

01:03:17.000 Yeah, and he would wear the wetsuits all the time.

01:03:20.000 Wetsuits?

01:03:20.000 Yeah.

01:03:21.000 Like a scuba suit?

01:03:23.000 Scuba suits, yeah.

01:03:24.000 He used to jam in those.

01:03:25.000 Really?

01:03:26.000 Damn, that seems like he would get sweaty as fuck.

01:03:29.000 That is what he's wearing.

01:03:30.000 He probably just wanted to show his dick off.

01:03:32.000 Hey, you're a rock star.

01:03:33.000 Why not?

01:03:34.000 Back in the day.

01:03:35.000 You ever see those Robert Plant...

01:03:37.000 He had these tight pants on.

01:03:39.000 You see his hog...

01:03:41.000 He's wearing a suit.

01:03:42.000 He's wearing a wetsuit.

01:03:43.000 He really is.

01:03:43.000 Wearing a goddamn spandex wetsuit.

01:03:46.000 That's so weird.

01:03:46.000 That was his thing.

01:03:47.000 Oh, wow.

01:03:49.000 They fucking vanished.

01:03:50.000 What happened to them?

01:03:51.000 They came back out.

01:03:53.000 They did the 25th anniversary.

01:03:54.000 I saw it at Hard Rock.

01:03:56.000 They did the 25th anniversary of their record, Vivid Cult of Personality, yeah, and they toured it.

01:04:02.000 Look at that silly swimsuit.

01:04:06.000 Wow.

01:04:08.000 How crazy.

01:04:11.000 Yeah, that was a great fucking song.

01:04:12.000 But, you know, that's always freaked me out, too.

01:04:15.000 Like, imagine being a band, you have one song that just...

01:04:17.000 Out of the park.

01:04:19.000 Crack!

01:04:19.000 Just in the parking lot.

01:04:21.000 You know, just one fucking Grand Slam home run.

01:04:23.000 Goddamn, we did it.

01:04:25.000 This is huge.

01:04:25.000 Number one song in the nation.

01:04:27.000 Seven weeks in a row.

01:04:28.000 And nothing.

01:04:30.000 Well, yeah.

01:04:30.000 But imagine, well, what they say, you got your whole life to write that song.

01:04:34.000 Yeah.

01:04:35.000 And then we got two years to write the night, write it, do it again.

01:04:38.000 But there's also some bands, they just catch fire with, like, do you remember Warrant, Cherry Pie?

01:04:45.000 Yeah.

01:04:46.000 She's my Cherry Pie.

01:04:47.000 Giant fucking huge song.

01:04:50.000 And that was it.

01:04:50.000 That dude died near here.

01:04:52.000 He died in Woodland Hills in a fucking shitty hotel somewhere.

01:04:57.000 I'm going to give you the one hit wonder you wanted.

01:04:59.000 Okay.

01:05:00.000 The twist.

01:05:01.000 The twist.

01:05:02.000 What did Chubby Checker ever sing?

01:05:04.000 Oh my god.

01:05:08.000 Imagine that.

01:05:09.000 You had the song.

01:05:11.000 That was like...

01:05:13.000 Yeah.

01:05:14.000 That was the shit.

01:05:15.000 What's Chubby Checker's number two hit?

01:05:17.000 I don't know.

01:05:19.000 That's a great point.

01:05:21.000 But that somehow or another was good enough for him to stay famous.

01:05:24.000 For his whole life.

01:05:26.000 Your whole life.

01:05:28.000 People hire you to play one song.

01:05:31.000 He was the greatest one-hit wonder ever then.

01:05:33.000 He's the GOAT. He's the GOAT of one-hit wonders.

01:05:37.000 I can't even imagine anyone who's come close to that.

01:05:40.000 Because no one's paying them to sing Cult of Personality.

01:05:43.000 No.

01:05:43.000 No one's all excited.

01:05:44.000 No.

01:05:45.000 You might have one fan who's worth millions who pays you to come to his birthday party.

01:05:52.000 He treats you like shit.

01:05:53.000 I'll give you an extra million if I can pee on you.

01:05:56.000 Do you remember?

01:05:57.000 And then Living Color, the TV show in Living Color, came out.

01:06:01.000 And then it was like, wait, what?

01:06:03.000 How are you doing that?

01:06:06.000 There's already a band.

01:06:07.000 That's not us.

01:06:08.000 The show...

01:06:10.000 Far Eclipse the Band.

01:06:11.000 Far Eclipse the Band.

01:06:12.000 And then they were like, were you named after the show?

01:06:14.000 Like, what's his name?

01:06:17.000 Darius Rucker.

01:06:18.000 How many times has he said, my name is not Hootie?

01:06:23.000 Well, Hootie's back, apparently.

01:06:25.000 Because Darius Rucker went off and did country music and did that for a long time.

01:06:30.000 But now Hootie's back on tour.

01:06:32.000 Are they?

01:06:32.000 Yeah, man.

01:06:34.000 That was another band.

01:06:35.000 That band was fucking huge.

01:06:37.000 That first record, the second record fell up.

01:06:39.000 That first record was...

01:06:41.000 I think it was serious or something, but they played it, and then I went back and played it again.

01:06:47.000 It was like, wow, I forgot how good this was.

01:06:49.000 It's great.

01:06:50.000 That album is...

01:06:52.000 But the second one wasn't good?

01:06:53.000 Not as good, I don't think.

01:06:55.000 That was one of those albums, though, there's something about Hootie where some people despised them, and it didn't make any sense to me.

01:07:01.000 It's like some people just heard those songs too many times, it was too big of a hit, and they were like, oh, fucking Hootie.

01:07:08.000 That does happen, though.

01:07:09.000 Like Dave Matthews.

01:07:10.000 Yeah, when something's too much of a hit and you hear it every day, you get tired of the song, and then you just don't play that.

01:07:19.000 Ever.

01:07:19.000 A buddy of mine, actually, Mal Hall, he's going to love this shout-out.

01:07:23.000 So, Mal Hall opens for me.

01:07:25.000 Really funny guy.

01:07:26.000 And he tours with Angela Johnson.

01:07:29.000 He hates Happy.

01:07:31.000 That song, I'm Happy, by Pharrell.

01:07:35.000 I insist on it being his walk on music whenever we work.

01:07:41.000 Because he gets angry?

01:07:43.000 Oh, he physically...

01:07:45.000 He has a physical reaction.

01:07:47.000 Because how much did we hear that song when it came out?

01:07:50.000 It was like...

01:07:51.000 Drilled it, so yeah, so now he knows.

01:07:53.000 Some people, it's good for them to get angry before they go on stage.

01:07:56.000 Joey Diaz, whenever I'd work with him, he would just decide, he would pick a thing, and it wasn't like we would talk about this, but I recognized what he was doing after a while.

01:08:04.000 And he'd be backstage, and he would pick a thing, and just start getting fucking mad at it.

01:08:09.000 And these fucking pussies, this is what they think America is, this is what they think the fucking world is!

01:08:14.000 And he would start getting crazy, and then, ladies and gentlemen, Joey Diaz!

01:08:18.000 And he would go on stage with that momentum, and just mad.

01:08:21.000 Mark the place.

01:08:22.000 I've had that happen a couple of times where something just got...

01:08:25.000 I remember, and it was one of those, you know when you do the set, you wish you had recorded it?

01:08:30.000 Yes.

01:08:31.000 So I was going to the Laugh Factory.

01:08:32.000 It's Saturday night.

01:08:33.000 I was on my bike.

01:08:36.000 And this guy, like, it's stop and go, right?

01:08:39.000 And I'm just, and he hit my bike, but it was only at, like, five miles an hour, like, he just tapped me and knocked the bike over, but I'm like, I was bright, like, how did you not see me, right?

01:08:49.000 And I just went on stage, and I just ranted about, you know, drivers and traffic and this, and it was hilarious, and it was, like, gone.

01:08:58.000 Did you record it?

01:08:59.000 No, I didn't.

01:09:00.000 You never record your sets?

01:09:01.000 I do sometimes, but I didn't record that one.

01:09:04.000 Because it was just, you know, sometimes you just get, something gets to you right before you go on stage and it's not written.

01:09:12.000 You just go into a rant, but it's right there.

01:09:15.000 But that's why it's so important to record everything.

01:09:17.000 I record all of them.

01:09:19.000 I have them all on my phone.

01:09:20.000 It's so easy now.

01:09:21.000 Yeah, now.

01:09:22.000 This was before phones.

01:09:23.000 This was before we carried a studio in our pocket.

01:09:26.000 Oh, this was a while ago.

01:09:27.000 These fucking things, these are all sets.

01:09:30.000 This is when you had the microcassette recorders.

01:09:34.000 I still have a bunch of those tapes.

01:09:36.000 I used to have them.

01:09:38.000 I threw them out.

01:09:38.000 I don't even want to hear them.

01:09:40.000 I used to have a little tiny mini cassette recorder, a mini disc recorder.

01:09:45.000 Yeah, I remember the mini disc.

01:09:47.000 That was when Sony kept trying formats like, maybe they'll buy this.

01:09:51.000 So yeah, mini disc.

01:09:53.000 Once they fucked them with Betamax, you sons of bitches.

01:09:56.000 Did anyone but comics buy mini-discs?

01:10:00.000 I set up a mini-disc recorder at the comedy store.

01:10:03.000 I actually installed one.

01:10:05.000 I installed a mini-disc recorder at the comedy store so I could record my sets.

01:10:09.000 Yeah, yeah, comics, we used them.

01:10:11.000 I don't know if anyone else did.

01:10:13.000 I mean, it just didn't work.

01:10:15.000 They really never sold music on it, so as a format, it never really took off.

01:10:20.000 But then it was like CD-Rs.

01:10:23.000 Right.

01:10:23.000 Yeah.

01:10:24.000 You could record on CD-R. You could record on CD-Rs.

01:10:27.000 Yeah.

01:10:28.000 All that stuff is like, we thought that was the shit.

01:10:31.000 It was incredible.

01:10:32.000 I could make my own CDs, write on it with a Sharpie.

01:10:35.000 That's technology, man.

01:10:36.000 It happens so fast.

01:10:38.000 Especially in this era.

01:10:40.000 I mean, think about how long records existed for.

01:10:43.000 Yeah.

01:10:43.000 Decade after decade after decade, it was just records.

01:10:46.000 And then all of a sudden, compact discs.

01:10:48.000 And you're like, what?

01:10:49.000 Right.

01:10:50.000 Because, yeah, because that started, what, around 1990?

01:10:52.000 Like, Laserdiscs were first.

01:10:54.000 Yeah.

01:10:56.000 And then they have movies that were Laserdiscs, too?

01:10:58.000 I asked my brother.

01:11:01.000 My brother's a techie and like an early adopter, so he has all that shit in his garage.

01:11:05.000 So yeah, he's got some movies on 12-inch Laserdiscs.

01:11:09.000 People still collect those.

01:11:12.000 Anything that was out there, somebody's buying 8-tracks somewhere.

01:11:16.000 Somebody's in their home right now watching Top Gun on Laserdisc.

01:11:20.000 All excited.

01:11:22.000 Yeah, and they invite you over like, hey, check this out.

01:11:24.000 And you're like, I can just hit the remote.

01:11:29.000 And it instantly plays.

01:11:30.000 That's the most incredible thing, is like you could ask Siri to play a song.

01:11:35.000 Yeah.

01:11:36.000 Like, you know, like, play Whole Lotta Love.

01:11:42.000 Bitch, listen to me.

01:11:47.000 Hey Siri, play Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin.

01:11:56.000 Wait, what kind of a world do we live in?

01:11:58.000 Yeah.

01:11:59.000 Well, that's like those commercials.

01:12:02.000 And again, getting back to the special, I talk about like the arguments between Siri and Alexa.

01:12:06.000 Like that's going to be the next thing.

01:12:08.000 Yeah.

01:12:09.000 I think Alexa's more of a spy.

01:12:11.000 That bitch is...

01:12:12.000 She's listening more.

01:12:14.000 Alexa's listening all the time.

01:12:15.000 Alexa's listening all the time.

01:12:16.000 Siri, you have to talk to her.

01:12:18.000 Yeah.

01:12:18.000 But you hear this story about...

01:12:20.000 Yeah, we think.

01:12:21.000 We think.

01:12:21.000 But you know, the...

01:12:25.000 Privacy is an illusion now.

01:12:28.000 I'm off the grid.

01:12:29.000 No, you're not.

01:12:30.000 None of us are off the grid.

01:12:33.000 They say your social security number, anyone can find it.

01:12:38.000 Or your credit card numbers.

01:12:40.000 Anything you do.

01:12:42.000 It's out there.

01:12:43.000 Well, there's a new technology that the government is unleashing that is a weather balloon or a balloon that from 65,000 feet, it can watch multiple cars at the same time and track them.

01:13:00.000 65,000 feet in the air.

01:13:02.000 Like, can you even see?

01:13:04.000 What the fuck?

01:13:05.000 I mean, you wouldn't even be able to see it up there.

01:13:07.000 But that's, you know, that's not that new.

01:13:09.000 I mean, you know.

01:13:10.000 This is apparently like super high tech.

01:13:13.000 No, I mean, just the idea of watching from that high.

01:13:16.000 I mean, they've had spy planes and stuff like that.

01:13:19.000 They couldn't, you know.

01:13:20.000 Wasn't that a movie, Eye in the Sky?

01:13:22.000 Yeah.

01:13:22.000 Gene Hackman or something?

01:13:24.000 Will Smith, wasn't it?

01:13:25.000 With the satellites?

01:13:26.000 Yeah, that was a movie where Gene Hackman was like, like, Will Smith made a phone call and Gene Hackman had to blow up his lab.

01:13:36.000 Yeah.

01:13:37.000 But, yeah, back when I was in aerospace, you know, they had airplanes that would, like, they're flying at 80,000 feet keeping an eye on things.

01:13:47.000 Yeah.

01:13:47.000 You know?

01:13:48.000 And they had...

01:13:53.000 Yeah.

01:14:04.000 They can find out how fast you were going.

01:14:06.000 Oh, yeah.

01:14:07.000 Or if you have a warranty thing and they're like, yeah, but you were racing it at 150 miles an hour, blah, blah, blah.

01:14:13.000 Well, not only that, some cars have a box in them where the police can shut your car down.

01:14:18.000 Like, say, if you're in a high-speed chase in a Corvette or something like that.

01:14:21.000 I don't know if it's a Corvette, but...

01:14:22.000 Some kind of car like that that's electronically controlled.

01:14:25.000 They literally can get your VIN number, plug it into a machine, and say, shut it down.

01:14:29.000 Yeah, they can do that with OnStar, right?

01:14:33.000 If the car is stolen, OnStar just shuts the car off.

01:14:37.000 Yeah.

01:14:38.000 Have you seen those new plates?

01:14:39.000 Those electronic plates?

01:14:40.000 Yeah, I know.

01:14:41.000 That's weird.

01:14:42.000 Well, when you call it in, like say someone stole your car, then the plate changes to stolen.

01:14:46.000 Right.

01:14:47.000 Oh, really?

01:14:47.000 Yeah.

01:14:47.000 I didn't know that.

01:14:48.000 Yeah.

01:14:49.000 Now you like it a little more now, don't you?

01:14:51.000 Your eyes lit up.

01:14:51.000 Well, it's good.

01:14:53.000 No, because I was thinking, how come people can mess with you like that?

01:14:57.000 Like, no, you're just open for a practical joke.

01:15:01.000 Somebody's like, hey, man, let's report his car stolen.

01:15:03.000 Yeah.

01:15:04.000 Right.

01:15:04.000 That's true, too.

01:15:05.000 Because who do they know?

01:15:06.000 Like, on the phone, they don't know if it's you.

01:15:08.000 Right.

01:15:09.000 And all you need is the VIN or something in it.

01:15:11.000 Right.

01:15:11.000 What do you need?

01:15:12.000 Do you need some sort of second-party verification?

01:15:14.000 Do they send you a text message, reply to this, if your car is really stolen?

01:15:18.000 I doubt it.

01:15:20.000 Yeah, good point.

01:15:21.000 Your ex-wife, she's probably like, this motherfucker.

01:15:25.000 She's calling your car stolen.

01:15:27.000 Yeah, she would have all your info, right?

01:15:29.000 She's like, yeah.

01:15:30.000 This son of a bitch every Saturday night.

01:15:32.000 Or she knows you're doing something.

01:15:36.000 Do it in a stolen car, you bastard.

01:15:38.000 Our privacy is so deteriorated from the time we were kids to today.

01:15:43.000 It makes you really wonder how far it can keep slipping.

01:15:48.000 But the other side of the coin is, most people don't care.

01:15:53.000 You know what I mean?

01:15:54.000 In other words, you're not that important.

01:15:55.000 Like, oh, the government's spying on me.

01:15:57.000 Well, no, they're not, because you're not doing anything that they would be interested in.

01:16:04.000 Yeah, don't flatter yourself.

01:16:05.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:16:06.000 What did you do?

01:16:08.000 But then there's the other side, like, hey, if you're not doing anything wrong, you shouldn't worry about the government.

01:16:13.000 Hey, they can go look in my email.

01:16:15.000 I'm not doing anything wrong.

01:16:33.000 That's not the point.

01:16:34.000 And that's a sliding scale, right?

01:16:35.000 Between security and privacy and all of that, that you have to figure out what you're comfortable with.

01:16:43.000 Shameless plug number two, my podcast.

01:16:45.000 Now, I'm part of this new podcast.

01:16:46.000 It's called Fear Not.

01:16:48.000 Who's on it with you?

01:16:49.000 A guy named Barry Glassner.

01:16:50.000 And Barry Glassner wrote this book called The Culture of Fear.

01:16:53.000 And it was all about how fear is used as business, right?

01:16:57.000 They keep you scared so that they could sell you things, whether it be security systems or...

01:17:09.000 Yeah.

01:17:11.000 Yeah.

01:17:15.000 Yeah.

01:17:23.000 And the odds of you getting hit by a drunk driver between midnight and 2 a.m.

01:17:29.000 That's a real fear.

01:17:30.000 And we talk about it in the context of different things.

01:17:34.000 We did the whole anti-vax thing.

01:17:38.000 Yeah, you're worried about your kid getting something from the vaccination, but the greater good is...

01:17:46.000 Society is protecting itself against measles or whatever disease, you know.

01:17:51.000 So we talk about things like that.

01:17:53.000 And yeah, there's always that sliding scale of personal security or whatever versus the government, you know.

01:18:04.000 And again, if the government did its job right, you could trust them a lot more.

01:18:10.000 Sure.

01:18:11.000 You know what I mean?

01:18:12.000 Like the government, in other words, this is just my opinion, like taxes, okay?

01:18:15.000 A lot of people, I hate paying taxes.

01:18:17.000 I don't mind paying taxes because I understand the greater good.

01:18:20.000 We need to fix roads and we want to have good public schools and blah, blah, blah.

01:18:25.000 Cops, firemen.

01:18:29.000 That the government gets the money and then they fuck up.

01:18:32.000 So that's why you don't want to pay because you know that this politician is paying his brother who's a contractor to do some bullshit work and stealing all, you know, so...

01:18:45.000 And, you know, what's the solution?

01:18:46.000 I don't know.

01:18:47.000 I mean, we're all wondering what's the solution.

01:18:51.000 I don't think there is a solution on the horizon.

01:18:52.000 Did you see what happened with Neil deGrasse Tyson?

01:18:54.000 That Neil deGrasse Tyson got in trouble for tweeting something the other day after the mass shootings.

01:18:59.000 Right.

01:18:59.000 People were pissed at him.

01:19:01.000 Pull the tweet up because it's pretty interesting.

01:19:04.000 It's just accurate.

01:19:06.000 And people were angry, and they're saying he's using his platform irresponsibly.

01:19:11.000 He was trying to let people know that although these shootings are a tragedy, they are a small number of deaths, and there's so many other deaths that happened.

01:19:22.000 Here it goes.

01:19:24.000 The USA horrifically lost 34 people to mass shootings.

01:19:27.000 On average, across 48 hours, we also lose 500 to medical errors, 300 to the flu, 250 to suicide, 200 to car accidents, 40 to homicides via handgun.

01:19:39.000 Often our emotions respond more to spectacle than to data.

01:19:42.000 Now that is not a bad tweet, but I saw a scientist Who was writing, I am unfollowing him.

01:19:50.000 He is using this platform irresponsibly.

01:19:52.000 A lot of fucking virtue signaling, really.

01:19:54.000 Because what he's saying is not that there's anything wrong with feeling horrified.

01:20:02.000 By these tragedies.

01:20:03.000 I mean, he's saying we horrifically lost 34 people to mass shootings.

01:20:09.000 But what he's saying, it's interesting that there's people dying left and right all throughout this country all day long, just not at the hands of one person, so we look at it differently.

01:20:19.000 And he's just saying, he's just giving you data as a scientist.

01:20:24.000 And that's exactly what it is.

01:20:26.000 He's a scientist.

01:20:28.000 Yes.

01:20:28.000 And so a scientist can separate the emotion from Yeah.

01:20:32.000 But people don't.

01:20:33.000 Find his apology, because his apology is even more interesting.

01:20:37.000 People will consider a mass shooting much worse than heart attacks.

01:20:44.000 Yeah, so listen to this.

01:20:47.000 So this is the other thing.

01:20:48.000 Yesterday I posted, in reaction to the horrific mass shootings in America over the previous 48 hours, killing 34 people, spawned mixed and highly critical responses.

01:20:57.000 If you missed it, I offered a short list of largely preventable causes of death, along with their average...

01:21:05.000 We're good to go.

01:21:22.000 With the implication that more common causes of death trigger milder responses within us.

01:21:28.000 My intent was to offer objectively true information that might help shape conversations and reactions to preventable ways we die.

01:21:37.000 Where I miscalculated was that I genuinely believed that the tweet would be helpful to anyone trying to save lives in America.

01:21:44.000 What I learned from the range of reactions is that for many people some information my tweet in particular can be true but unhelpful especially at a time when many people are either still in shock or trying to heal or both so if you are one of those people I apologize for not knowing in advance what effect my tweet could have had on you I'm therefore thankful for the candor and depth of critical reactions shared in my Twitter feed.

01:22:14.000 As an educator, I personally value knowing with precision and accuracy what reaction anything that I say or write will instill in my audience and I got this one wrong.

01:22:26.000 Respectfully submitted.

01:22:27.000 And then it says Neil deGrasse Tyson.

01:22:29.000 Now, even that, people are saying not enough.

01:22:32.000 Not good enough a response.

01:22:33.000 It's almost like today, there's certain people today that they don't give a fuck whether or not you're saying something with sincerity, whether you are sorry.

01:22:42.000 Sorry's not enough.

01:22:44.000 They want to be mad at you, and even if you're sorry, if you admit you made a mistake, there's no forgiveness.

01:22:50.000 There's no road to redemption.

01:22:52.000 There's no, I get what you were doing.

01:22:55.000 I think that it depends on, you know, as far as is the sorry enough or whatever, depends on the pattern of the person.

01:23:03.000 Now, with Neil deGrasse Tyson, this is what I think happened in here.

01:23:06.000 This is my opinion.

01:23:07.000 He's a scientist.

01:23:08.000 So he gives information.

01:23:09.000 So he saw this and said, oh, wait a minute.

01:23:12.000 This many people died from medical mistakes.

01:23:16.000 And people didn't react.

01:23:18.000 What he doesn't, where he messed up was the timing.

01:23:21.000 You don't say that the day after the mass shooting.

01:23:24.000 You say it maybe a week later or something like, hey, you know, people die in a lot of ways, blah, blah, blah.

01:23:29.000 Now, what he's saying is, I didn't know that.

01:23:32.000 I'm a scientist.

01:23:33.000 I wasn't aware of the emotional impact.

01:23:36.000 Thank you for telling me the emotional impact, and I'm sorry that I hurt people's feelings, which to me is totally legitimate, especially coming from who he is and what I would think the scientific mindset is.

01:23:51.000 Now, there are some people that, yeah, exactly what you said.

01:23:54.000 They decided you're a terrible person for saying this, so that apology isn't enough.

01:23:58.000 There's nothing he could do.

01:24:00.000 But see, there's certain people, right...

01:24:03.000 There's nothing you can do that's going to change their mind.

01:24:07.000 You know, you look at the Obama birth certificate, right?

01:24:11.000 So even when the birth certificate came out, there's a certain percentage of the people that are still like, well, no, that's fake.

01:24:16.000 Like there was no way he was ever going to be American to these people.

01:24:21.000 There's a certain, you know, you travel, you know, like I, you know, There's certain groups, like, you ain't gonna get them.

01:24:31.000 Their mind's made up and they're in their bubble, they're in their whatever it is, and they're surrounded by like-minded people.

01:24:38.000 Like you said, like, this is the disadvantage of the internet, right?

01:24:41.000 The advantage of the internet is all of this information.

01:24:44.000 The disadvantage is you find people who only think like you and you only talk to them and you build this bubble.

01:24:50.000 Well, yes.

01:24:51.000 So there's a group of people...

01:24:54.000 I don't know how you want to describe it, that decided the moment he said that, this is an unfeeling, horrible person, blah, blah, blah.

01:25:01.000 I mean, you know, my thing with the mass shootings, I'm like, listen, we don't care.

01:25:07.000 We say we care.

01:25:10.000 It's very sad for that family.

01:25:13.000 To me, the worst part of a mass shooting is somebody went to Walmart that day.

01:25:17.000 They didn't know it was going to be the last day of their life.

01:25:19.000 They're never going to see their family again.

01:25:21.000 Somebody went out to a club in Ohio.

01:25:25.000 They didn't know they'd never come.

01:25:27.000 That's the tragic part, and that is sad.

01:25:30.000 But in the grand scheme of things, we don't do anything.

01:25:34.000 We say it doesn't work before we even try it.

01:25:37.000 There's nothing we do that changes.

01:25:40.000 Even after Vegas, when they said they were going to ban, what was it called, the bump stop or whatever it was, that thing that helped shoot faster.

01:25:48.000 And then ultimately, they didn't even ban that.

01:25:52.000 So as a society...

01:25:55.000 We say we care, but we don't, because we don't change anything.

01:26:00.000 You've got to change something.

01:26:01.000 Nothing changes if nothing changes, right?

01:26:03.000 Well, we're getting way off track here, but with Neil deGrasse Tyson, the outrage thing didn't outrage me.

01:26:08.000 No, no, I get it.

01:26:10.000 It didn't outrage you either, right?

01:26:11.000 No, because he's a scientist.

01:26:12.000 What he said is truth, and data is delivered without emotion, and why people were upset It's because he delivered truth with no emotion.

01:26:23.000 But he did.

01:26:23.000 He said horrifically.

01:26:25.000 I mean, he was talking about the tragedy.

01:26:27.000 The thing is that just people are looking to be upset.

01:26:30.000 Oh, absolutely.

01:26:31.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:26:32.000 People look for something to be mad about or something to be outraged about.

01:26:39.000 And you know what that takes away from?

01:26:41.000 It takes away from real outrage.

01:26:43.000 Yes.

01:26:43.000 Right.

01:26:44.000 Yeah.

01:26:44.000 It diminishes it.

01:26:46.000 If you're outraged every day...

01:26:49.000 Then, you know, then, okay, so what's really outrageous?

01:26:52.000 If I'm going to be upset at a scientist for giving me scientific data, what do I want?

01:27:00.000 Yeah, I guess the timing was the issue.

01:27:02.000 The timing was the issue.

01:27:03.000 But it wasn't an issue with me.

01:27:04.000 I mean, I get what he's doing.

01:27:05.000 I'm not a moron.

01:27:06.000 It's simple.

01:27:08.000 He was just giving you all sorts of different horrific deaths that occur all throughout the country.

01:27:15.000 And I think on that same weekend, there was some unprecedented number of people that were shot and killed in Chicago.

01:27:21.000 Like, Chicago's a fucking...

01:27:23.000 Chicago's...

01:27:24.000 War zone.

01:27:25.000 It's a war zone.

01:27:25.000 Yeah, and the thing is, you know, people say, well, what about the gun laws?

01:27:29.000 And it's like, yeah, but all you got to do is go to Indiana.

01:27:32.000 Like, you go two hours away, and you can get whatever you want.

01:27:35.000 Just, you know, that's the...

01:27:37.000 That's the thing.

01:27:38.000 Just driving a car to a gun show.

01:27:39.000 So as a city, Chicago's like, look, we're trying, but we can't...

01:27:44.000 Right.

01:27:44.000 You know, what are we going to...

01:27:45.000 Set up borders and check every car coming into Illinois?

01:27:49.000 God.

01:27:49.000 Damn, you'd have to go in every house.

01:27:51.000 Exactly.

01:27:52.000 So you can't do that.

01:27:55.000 But yeah, his thing, I think it was a time, and I'm like you, that didn't offend me.

01:28:00.000 I get what he was saying.

01:28:02.000 It can't offend you.

01:28:04.000 If you're a rational human, it can't offend you.

01:28:06.000 You know what bothers me when people pretend to be ignorant of something and they're not?

01:28:13.000 How so?

01:28:14.000 Well, when people, like, for example, with this, like, there are some people like, oh, we can use this to create some dislike against Neil S. Tyson or whatever.

01:28:25.000 It's generally politicians do it, right?

01:28:28.000 When they say something and they're like, oh, I didn't know that was offensive.

01:28:34.000 It's like, yes, you did.

01:28:35.000 But you know your followers didn't.

01:28:40.000 Give me an example.

01:28:41.000 I'm trying to think of an example.

01:28:43.000 Okay, well, with the mass shootings, right?

01:28:45.000 So the whole thing of saying that Trump's tweets had nothing to do with it.

01:28:51.000 Yes, they did.

01:28:53.000 Now, they didn't directly...

01:28:56.000 But yeah, it did normalize, and this guy used the same language of the invasion, etc.

01:29:03.000 So you can't say that it's completely unrelated.

01:29:07.000 You know what I mean?

01:29:09.000 And again, it's not saying direct, but you can't pretend there's no connection.

01:29:15.000 There's a direct connection because it's quotes.

01:29:17.000 There are people who are intelligent enough to know that.

01:29:21.000 But they'll say no.

01:29:22.000 No, there's no.

01:29:23.000 And it's like, yes, there is.

01:29:25.000 And you know there is.

01:29:25.000 Don't feign ignorance.

01:29:27.000 That's what I mean.

01:29:28.000 Right.

01:29:28.000 Well, you know the guy in Dayton who really fucked up one was that guy's an Elizabeth Warren supporter who actually wrote about gun control.

01:29:35.000 I mean, he was just a horrific homicidal fucking psychopath.

01:29:40.000 And listen, you have to have some...

01:29:45.000 Sure.

01:29:47.000 Sure.

01:30:00.000 Yeah.

01:30:00.000 By the words of leaders or political people or powerful people.

01:30:05.000 People of influence.

01:30:06.000 Perfect way to put it.

01:30:07.000 Yeah, people of influence.

01:30:08.000 And that's why I think people of influence have to be responsible in what they say.

01:30:13.000 Yeah.

01:30:14.000 But Neil deGrasse Tyson, this is a different thing.

01:30:18.000 I think this is just a case of a scientist pointing out information...

01:30:23.000 Without, you know, like you were talking about earlier, dorks, nerds, whatever you want to say, where it's like, yeah, well, this is just information.

01:30:31.000 I'm not trying to be emotional.

01:30:34.000 And people are like, well, you have to be.

01:30:35.000 You have to connect.

01:30:37.000 Even though you're from a lab environment, you have to understand not everyone is.

01:30:42.000 But that's one of the more uncomfortable things about today with social media is that there's a bunch of people that are really just – They're just authoritarian.

01:30:51.000 They demand certain types of behavior, and they do so under the guise of compassion.

01:30:57.000 They're trying to enforce the way people communicate, like the Neil deGrasse Tyson thing.

01:31:03.000 There's no indication whatsoever that he was minimizing the deaths.

01:31:09.000 But people are pretending that he's doing so.

01:31:12.000 Yeah, there are some people who believe he did, but there are a lot of people pretending to be offended.

01:31:18.000 Pretending to be upset.

01:31:19.000 They're finding a nice target.

01:31:23.000 There's too many voices, Alonzo.

01:31:25.000 Too many words.

01:31:26.000 Too many people out there spewing.

01:31:28.000 Again, that's the positive and the negative of the internet.

01:31:33.000 The positive and the negative.

01:31:35.000 The positive is everyone has a voice.

01:31:37.000 The negative is everyone has a voice.

01:31:41.000 There's no...

01:31:42.000 And everyone's...

01:31:45.000 And the thing is, the...

01:31:48.000 The middle, the calmest voices, the reasonable voices, are the least heard.

01:31:54.000 Of course, yeah.

01:31:55.000 Well, that's Facebook, right?

01:31:57.000 Facebook's algorithm favors outrage.

01:31:59.000 So if you are on Facebook and you get upset about abortion, that's the kind of shit you're going to get in your feed.

01:32:05.000 If you get mad about climate change, there you go.

01:32:08.000 You're going to get a lot of climate change talk.

01:32:09.000 That's what's going to show up.

01:32:12.000 Goddamn, that makes people nuts.

01:32:14.000 Oh, again, and this is living in the bubble.

01:32:16.000 You don't get to hear the other side.

01:32:19.000 And it's not even the reasonable part of the other side.

01:32:27.000 Politically, yeah, I'm left.

01:32:28.000 I have friends who I call reasonable Republicans.

01:32:31.000 And I can talk to a reasonable Republican.

01:32:34.000 I can't talk to a crazy Republican.

01:32:36.000 If you say that the mass shootings are based on transgender marriage...

01:32:42.000 Then we can't talk.

01:32:43.000 We got nothing.

01:32:44.000 I'm sorry.

01:32:44.000 I can't work with you.

01:32:46.000 But if you say that taxes should be lower to stimulate the economy and blah, blah, blah, yeah, we could talk about that.

01:32:52.000 You know what I mean?

01:32:53.000 That's the difference.

01:32:55.000 And just like on the left, look, I... Believe in the environment, this and that.

01:33:01.000 But now, if you're asking me to give up gasoline, we may have a problem.

01:33:04.000 I may not be ready to go that far just yet.

01:33:08.000 Here's my thought.

01:33:09.000 If there's too much CO2 in the air, can't we make something to suck CO2 out of the air?

01:33:14.000 Why are we wasting it?

01:33:15.000 I mean, wouldn't that be better?

01:33:16.000 To me, there are certain...

01:33:18.000 Air filters?

01:33:18.000 Just giant air filters?

01:33:20.000 There are certain forms of technology or areas I don't understand.

01:33:24.000 This is the one that bugs me.

01:33:26.000 Can't we come up with a better way to build a road?

01:33:30.000 What's a better way?

01:33:30.000 I don't know, but that's my point.

01:33:33.000 There's some really smart people out there.

01:33:35.000 What's wrong with roads?

01:33:36.000 It takes forever to do road construction.

01:33:39.000 Yeah, well, you can think about what you got to do.

01:33:41.000 Well, that's what I'm saying, though.

01:33:43.000 Somebody's got to come up with a better way.

01:33:46.000 Do we really want more roads?

01:33:48.000 Well, fixing them.

01:33:49.000 We got to fix them.

01:33:50.000 Just fucking lay down some concrete or whatever the fuck it is.

01:33:53.000 Like the high-speed train thing, right?

01:33:56.000 How long have you been in L.A.? 94 I moved here.

01:34:00.000 Okay.

01:34:01.000 I moved here in 80. Damn!

01:34:03.000 Yeah.

01:34:04.000 Right out of high school I came here.

01:34:06.000 Wow.

01:34:07.000 So ever since I've been here, and ever since you've been here, they've been talking about a high-speed rail.

01:34:12.000 Yes.

01:34:12.000 From San Francisco to LA to Las Vegas.

01:34:15.000 Right?

01:34:16.000 Isn't Elon Musk going to do that now, though?

01:34:17.000 The Hyperloop?

01:34:18.000 This is my point.

01:34:20.000 Companies like Lockheed, Rockwell, Northrop, these aerospace companies have come up with, you know, stealth aircraft, hypersonic aircraft.

01:34:30.000 You can't tell me that if you went to Lockheed and said, listen, here's $10 billion.

01:34:34.000 We need a train that'll go 200 miles an hour from San Francisco to L.A. that they couldn't do it.

01:34:41.000 They absolutely, you know what I mean?

01:34:43.000 They have the scientists and the technology.

01:34:45.000 Like, we spend so much money...

01:34:48.000 I get we need defense and this and that, but yeah, let's cut 20 billion to the side to figure out how to move people around more efficiently, because that's what these companies do.

01:34:58.000 These are engineering and design companies.

01:35:00.000 They come up with shit like this.

01:35:02.000 So I've always said, why not just do that?

01:35:05.000 Why not take some of this brainpower and this engineering and development We're good to go.

01:35:37.000 But a train is so much easier if it exists.

01:35:41.000 Is it?

01:35:41.000 Yeah, if it exists.

01:35:42.000 Why is it easier than a plane?

01:35:43.000 Because you just get on and you go.

01:35:45.000 And you can do things on the train.

01:35:47.000 You ever, like, back east, going from D.C. to New York?

01:35:53.000 I found it's easier to do it on a train.

01:35:55.000 It's the same amount of time as going to the airport, flying, getting to your destination.

01:36:00.000 Because cutting out the travel to and from, security, a lot of time.

01:36:04.000 You just sit in the train and just read or write.

01:36:07.000 You've got Wi-Fi.

01:36:08.000 It's easy.

01:36:09.000 And you go from downtown to downtown.

01:36:12.000 That's the other thing about trains.

01:36:13.000 They don't go to airports, which are way out there.

01:36:16.000 Downtown to downtown.

01:36:18.000 Where do you travel by train?

01:36:19.000 Like I say, from downtown D.C. to Penn Station.

01:36:22.000 You're like an old-timey person.

01:36:23.000 No, there's an express train.

01:36:26.000 I found this out from people who do it.

01:36:30.000 How long does it take?

01:36:31.000 How long does it take?

01:36:32.000 Three, three and a half hours.

01:36:33.000 Oh, that's not bad.

01:36:35.000 It's better than driving.

01:36:37.000 Yeah.

01:36:38.000 And it probably goes just as fast as a car.

01:36:41.000 Probably not any faster than a car.

01:36:42.000 No, no fast.

01:36:43.000 But if we had a high-speed train that could travel at, you know, 200 miles an hour or whatever, 180. Whatever those bullet trains travel at.

01:36:51.000 I was just in Italy.

01:36:52.000 We took the train over the countryside.

01:36:54.000 It was beautiful.

01:36:55.000 It was fun.

01:36:56.000 Not bad.

01:36:57.000 You're just sitting down, relaxing.

01:36:58.000 They come by, get a Diet Coke.

01:37:01.000 It's a different form of travel.

01:37:03.000 Again, not the most efficient, but comfortable.

01:37:06.000 Why do they disturb me so much, though, when they crash?

01:37:09.000 When those motherfuckers derail, there's something about them.

01:37:12.000 I'm like, yikes.

01:37:12.000 Yeah, well, because that's a lot of energy.

01:37:16.000 And there's no seatbelts.

01:37:17.000 No.

01:37:18.000 So everybody just goes flying.

01:37:19.000 Yeah.

01:37:20.000 Why don't they put fucking seatbelts on trains?

01:37:23.000 Who's going to wear them?

01:37:24.000 I would wear them.

01:37:26.000 Why is that funny?

01:37:28.000 There's not really an abrupt stop.

01:37:30.000 Sure there is.

01:37:31.000 If somebody lays a log on the road, that's the problem is when someone fucks up, there's a very abrupt stop.

01:37:39.000 Right.

01:37:40.000 Well, that's true of your car.

01:37:44.000 Yeah, but you wear a seatbelt in your car.

01:37:45.000 Yeah.

01:37:46.000 Hopefully.

01:37:47.000 There's still people who don't, which blows my mind.

01:37:49.000 Well, how about you?

01:37:50.000 You're on a motorcycle.

01:37:51.000 Yeah.

01:37:52.000 No, they talk about how crazy we are.

01:37:54.000 I've got an explosive fluid between my legs above a hot engine, and my only airbag are my knees.

01:38:01.000 It's insane, Joe, but...

01:38:03.000 Going in between cars, dude.

01:38:04.000 But it's easy to park.

01:38:05.000 Yeah.

01:38:05.000 Yes.

01:38:06.000 You don't drive a car at all, right?

01:38:08.000 Oh yeah, I drive.

01:38:09.000 You do?

01:38:09.000 But you know when I drive, like yesterday I was driving around.

01:38:12.000 What kind of car you got?

01:38:14.000 Right now I got a truck.

01:38:15.000 I got a Raptor.

01:38:18.000 Ooh.

01:38:19.000 Yeah.

01:38:19.000 Big ass fucking killer truck.

01:38:22.000 I thought Brendan has one of those.

01:38:23.000 Yeah.

01:38:23.000 Those are legit.

01:38:24.000 It's fun.

01:38:25.000 I'm almost over it.

01:38:27.000 Really?

01:38:28.000 Yeah, about a year.

01:38:29.000 And it's like, okay, I'm almost done with this truck thing.

01:38:31.000 It's fun to have this big-ass truck.

01:38:33.000 Like, this girl was in the truck with me, and this car was pulling on, and I was like, oh, he ain't gonna hit me.

01:38:39.000 This is too much.

01:38:40.000 And if he does, I'm not even going to stop.

01:38:42.000 I'm going to win.

01:38:43.000 He's going to hit my tire, and I'm going to run over his hood.

01:38:46.000 But that's just me.

01:38:48.000 I get bored with stuff, right?

01:38:50.000 So I drive something for a year, year and a half, and I'm like, all right, I'm over it.

01:38:53.000 Let's try something else.

01:38:55.000 Do you get leases?

01:38:56.000 No, no, because leases are harder to get out of.

01:38:59.000 Oh, that's true.

01:39:00.000 Oh, so you just know how you are.

01:39:02.000 I have wasted enough money over the years.

01:39:07.000 I have bought my way out of shit.

01:39:09.000 You know who?

01:39:09.000 My brother used to love it because I would lease something.

01:39:12.000 This is what I found out.

01:39:13.000 So if you lease something for three years and you want to get rid of the two, they're like, yeah, fine.

01:39:16.000 But you still got to pay us for the third year.

01:39:19.000 So I would call my brother like, hey, man, you want to drive this thing?

01:39:22.000 I got to pay for it anyway.

01:39:24.000 And he's like...

01:39:25.000 Ship it.

01:39:26.000 So you'd ship it to him?

01:39:28.000 No, he would pay to ship it.

01:39:29.000 I can't pay to ship, but yeah.

01:39:31.000 And you would just keep paying the bill?

01:39:33.000 I had to pay it anyway.

01:39:35.000 But did you have to get it back to the...

01:39:37.000 You could return it there.

01:39:38.000 You could return it to any dealership.

01:39:40.000 So if you lease...

01:39:41.000 Like, I had a...

01:39:43.000 What was it?

01:39:44.000 The Infinity F45 and something.

01:39:48.000 Yeah, so he just returned it to an Infinity place there.

01:39:51.000 So you realized after a few of these fuck-ups that this is just your personality.

01:39:55.000 Yeah, just buy it and sell it.

01:39:57.000 And I hope...

01:40:00.000 What I've found is I'm not the only one with this disease.

01:40:04.000 Like, there's a bunch of us out there.

01:40:06.000 So I try to buy it from the guy who's just like me.

01:40:09.000 Like, I bought my Raptor.

01:40:10.000 It was, like, five months old.

01:40:13.000 It had, like, 3,000 miles.

01:40:15.000 So, like, because that guy had the sickness, you know what I mean?

01:40:18.000 So he was like, man, I got to get rid of this Raptor.

01:40:21.000 I was like, yeah, okay, I got it.

01:40:23.000 Yeah, if you're a single guy and you have a good job like you and you don't have real...

01:40:29.000 Financial obligations.

01:40:32.000 So you just want to try something different.

01:40:37.000 What's next?

01:40:38.000 I don't know.

01:40:40.000 I've been looking around and a buddy of mine just went for the new Corvette.

01:40:45.000 He just put his money down on that.

01:40:47.000 And then I started looking.

01:40:49.000 I was like, whoa, this might be...

01:40:51.000 Like, I always had a problem with Corvettes because I've driven them.

01:40:55.000 They're good.

01:40:55.000 They're a little small inside.

01:40:57.000 And also there's the baggage of having a Corvette, right?

01:41:00.000 Right.

01:41:00.000 Oh, look, a middle-aged single guy in a Corvette.

01:41:03.000 Yep.

01:41:03.000 But this new one, I don't think it carries that.

01:41:06.000 Because it's more like a Ferrari.

01:41:07.000 I don't think it carries the creeper factor.

01:41:09.000 Oh, it will.

01:41:11.000 The creeper factor will fire up eventually.

01:41:15.000 I feel like it's definitely the next step in terms of, like, design and evolution.

01:41:21.000 It just looks better.

01:41:22.000 It looks classier.

01:41:23.000 Oh, it's a badass car.

01:41:24.000 Yeah, I think they got a big hit.

01:41:26.000 You know it has a GPS that recognizes where you are and raises the nose up when you're in certain speed bumps and shit?

01:41:32.000 Speed bumps and stuff, yeah.

01:41:34.000 It knows where, like, low dryways are.

01:41:36.000 Yeah.

01:41:37.000 It's crazy.

01:41:38.000 Yeah, who had that?

01:41:39.000 Like, Rolls-Royce had that where, like, there's a camera...

01:41:42.000 That sees bumps and adjusts the suspension for the bumps coming up in front of you.

01:41:47.000 In milliseconds.

01:41:49.000 The new Corvette is the fastest ever 0-60 too, which is amazing because it's 200 plus horsepower less than the Z06 or the ZR1 rather, and it's still way faster, which is crazy.

01:42:03.000 Yeah, well the design is, I mean, it's going to be a phenomenal...

01:42:09.000 Phenomenal car, so...

01:42:10.000 I don't know.

01:42:10.000 I don't want to be an early adopter, though.

01:42:12.000 I don't know if I'd be that.

01:42:13.000 Look at that thing.

01:42:14.000 Woo!

01:42:15.000 Goddamn, that looks good in black.

01:42:17.000 Yeah.

01:42:18.000 Wow.

01:42:18.000 Look at that fucking thing.

01:42:20.000 That's going to be, you know...

01:42:21.000 Holy shit.

01:42:21.000 And they're going to be all over L.A. Holy shit, that thing looks good.

01:42:25.000 It's going to be a badass car.

01:42:26.000 That is as good looking as an American car has ever been.

01:42:31.000 Yeah.

01:42:31.000 Like, literally.

01:42:32.000 And you know something?

01:42:32.000 That's like the Ford GT costs, what, like a half million dollars?

01:42:36.000 And that's 60 grand.

01:42:37.000 And this is 60. With the dealer markup, they'll get 70 for them.

01:42:41.000 And I bet it's just as fast.

01:42:42.000 Yeah.

01:42:43.000 I bet it's pretty close.

01:42:44.000 And it still has a trunk.

01:42:46.000 Yeah, there's a trunk in the front and the back, right?

01:42:49.000 That is nasty.

01:42:50.000 Yeah, so that might be next.

01:42:52.000 Why not, man?

01:42:53.000 That might be next.

01:42:54.000 Fuck, look at that goddamn thing.

01:42:56.000 That is a fucking hell of a good-looking car.

01:43:00.000 That's gonna be a badass monster car.

01:43:02.000 And the top comes off.

01:43:03.000 Woo!

01:43:04.000 That's a beast, man.

01:43:06.000 And that's the entry model.

01:43:07.000 I mean, wait until they start pumping out the Z06 and the ZR1. When is that going to happen?

01:43:13.000 I think in 2021 or 2022. I can't wait.

01:43:17.000 I was going to ask, are you going to get one?

01:43:19.000 Now that I'm looking at this.

01:43:22.000 That's where I was.

01:43:23.000 Yeah.

01:43:24.000 It's probably hard to get them.

01:43:26.000 Yeah, there's a waiting list, and the dealers are going to get a markup.

01:43:30.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:43:31.000 That thing's nasty.

01:43:33.000 Tony Hinchcliffe has one.

01:43:35.000 Not this one.

01:43:35.000 He has last year's one.

01:43:36.000 It's fucking amazing.

01:43:38.000 They're great cars.

01:43:39.000 Yeah.

01:43:39.000 They're great cars.

01:43:40.000 Well, you know who's going to get one.

01:43:42.000 Leno's going to get one.

01:43:44.000 Oh, he's already got one.

01:43:44.000 Does he get the first one, or which one does he get?

01:43:47.000 Yeah, he's already got one.

01:43:47.000 Have you been to his garage?

01:43:49.000 Yeah.

01:43:49.000 Fuck.

01:43:50.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

01:43:51.000 I should say garages.

01:43:52.000 Yeah.

01:43:53.000 It's got 11 warehouses.

01:43:55.000 Yeah.

01:43:57.000 But you know what?

01:43:58.000 It's what any car nut would do with unlimited cash.

01:44:02.000 Yes.

01:44:03.000 Yes.

01:44:04.000 Right?

01:44:04.000 If you had unlimited funds and you're a gearhead.

01:44:07.000 And he's truly a gearhead.

01:44:09.000 Like, he knows his stuff.

01:44:10.000 Like, he doesn't just buy it.

01:44:11.000 Like, he actually knows all about it.

01:44:14.000 Oh, yeah.

01:44:14.000 He has fabrication machinery in his studio.

01:44:18.000 He's had it.

01:44:19.000 Where he can build fenders.

01:44:20.000 He's had it for so long.

01:44:22.000 That's the thing.

01:44:23.000 It's not like 3D printing isn't new to him.

01:44:25.000 No.

01:44:26.000 I remember he has this jet-powered car and the wheels.

01:44:31.000 He was telling me about the wheels and he showed me brake dust won't stick to them.

01:44:37.000 You know how you get that black dust?

01:44:39.000 And he said...

01:44:41.000 Yeah, Alcoa sent me the hunk of aluminum.

01:44:44.000 Like, what?

01:44:45.000 They sent him the metal and he made the wheels.

01:44:47.000 Like, are you kidding me?

01:44:49.000 Like, that's the extent of machining you have that you can just make the wheels?

01:44:55.000 That is ridiculous.

01:44:56.000 Brilliant.

01:44:57.000 He's making wheels.

01:44:59.000 That is so preposterous.

01:45:01.000 Yeah, his place is a trip, man.

01:45:03.000 I mean, you could wander around it for hours and he loves explaining everything to you.

01:45:07.000 My favorite was, you know, he'll let you take in a group, right?

01:45:12.000 He's really cool about this.

01:45:13.000 It's like, you donate money to a charity.

01:45:17.000 And then he's like, okay, you can bring in this many people.

01:45:19.000 So it's almost like it's not selling tickets.

01:45:21.000 It's helping charity.

01:45:23.000 That's cool.

01:45:24.000 Yeah, it was really cool.

01:45:25.000 So he had this guy, and the guy passed away.

01:45:29.000 I can't remember his name.

01:45:30.000 I want to say it was Jimmy something, but this was a guy who would give tours.

01:45:34.000 So he's walking around, and he's like, this is this, this.

01:45:37.000 What is it?

01:45:38.000 When did we get this one?

01:45:40.000 He's like, what the hell is this?

01:45:43.000 So he's probably always picking shit up, right?

01:45:45.000 Yeah.

01:45:45.000 It was a guy that's like, where did this come from?

01:45:47.000 What happens when Jay Leno dies?

01:45:50.000 The only thing I can think is they make it a museum.

01:45:54.000 Yes.

01:45:54.000 That's the only thing I could think.

01:45:55.000 If it's all paid off, that's a good move.

01:45:57.000 Charge tickets.

01:45:58.000 I would think...

01:45:59.000 I'd pay.

01:46:00.000 I would think he probably has something set up to maintain it.

01:46:05.000 I hope so.

01:46:06.000 Because how are you going to sell those things?

01:46:09.000 You know what I mean?

01:46:10.000 Who the fuck's going to buy that steam car?

01:46:12.000 Right.

01:46:13.000 One of the steam cars.

01:46:14.000 There's a few steam cars.

01:46:17.000 Well, he has ones with metal wheels that he actually had rubber installed on the outside of the metal wheels so he could drive around town.

01:46:22.000 Yeah.

01:46:23.000 And then he has those giant cars that are like 25 feet long, but they only seat two people.

01:46:29.000 There's like two V12 engines in the front of you.

01:46:32.000 But it's fantastic, though.

01:46:36.000 I love that.

01:46:38.000 And there's a few people like that, but I don't know about anyone who does it on the scale that he does.

01:46:43.000 No, no one likes him.

01:46:44.000 I mean, Jerry Seinfeld, he's got his with Portia.

01:46:48.000 He's all Portia, which is weird.

01:46:51.000 Corolla.

01:46:51.000 Adam has...

01:46:53.000 Paul Newman's old race cars.

01:46:55.000 You ever been to his spot?

01:46:57.000 Yes.

01:46:57.000 Yeah, he's got Paul Newman's old Nissan and Datsun race cars, and he races them in vintage races.

01:47:04.000 Oh, yeah, I've seen that.

01:47:05.000 I've seen videos of it.

01:47:06.000 Yeah, so that's pretty cool.

01:47:08.000 Yeah, that is pretty cool.

01:47:10.000 You have...

01:47:11.000 What year is your GT3? It's a 2007. Okay.

01:47:15.000 That is maybe the greatest car.

01:47:19.000 Like, the GT3... It's a very exciting car to drive.

01:47:27.000 It's a thrilling, fun car to drive.

01:47:30.000 It's super lightweight.

01:47:31.000 And mine's a Shark Works car, so it's got 518 horsepower.

01:47:36.000 There's a place called Speed Vegas.

01:47:39.000 It's a track outside of Vegas.

01:47:41.000 You go there and you pay.

01:47:43.000 You can drive whatever.

01:47:43.000 You know, they have like Ferraris and Lambos and stuff.

01:47:46.000 So I've been there a few times.

01:47:48.000 And the last time I went, they had the new GT3 with the rear wheel steering.

01:47:52.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:53.000 And I was like, well, this is God's own sports car.

01:47:56.000 It's amazing.

01:47:57.000 The handling, you think it and it does it.

01:48:00.000 And the whole time you're driving it, the car's laughing at you like, I'm so much better than you are.

01:48:05.000 Yeah.

01:48:07.000 Mine doesn't have all that electronic nanny shit that the new ones have, but the new ones are quite a bit faster.

01:48:13.000 And the new one is the GT3 Touring is the shit, because it doesn't have all the crazy fins.

01:48:19.000 Most of the time, you're not driving it on a track.

01:48:21.000 You're just driving it around town, so you get all the feel of a real GT3, but it's more stealth.

01:48:28.000 It looks almost like a regular 911. Yeah.

01:48:32.000 Look, man, they have barely deviated from their style since the 1960s.

01:48:40.000 It's crazy.

01:48:40.000 I am such a fan of the 911. It's my favorite car.

01:48:43.000 I've had a few 911s.

01:48:45.000 Of all the cars I've had, the one I regret was the 88 Turbo.

01:48:49.000 I regret getting rid of that.

01:48:51.000 I'll always regret...

01:48:52.000 Having gotten rid of that, that car was a beast.

01:48:55.000 It was a hard-ass car, but when it was going, it was perfect.

01:49:00.000 Those cars, they're so Dale happy.

01:49:03.000 Oh, yeah.

01:49:04.000 It was trying to kill you all the time.

01:49:07.000 The car was literally like, if you get scared and let off the gas, I'm going to kill you.

01:49:11.000 And that boost would kick in.

01:49:14.000 You know what I liked about it?

01:49:15.000 It was motorcycle fast.

01:49:17.000 It was this crazy...

01:49:20.000 Motorcycle kind of like just high RPM and then the boost would kick in and the rear end would snap and you'd just be flying.

01:49:28.000 Yikes!

01:49:28.000 Like you better be pointed in the right direction, you know?

01:49:31.000 Have you driven a Tesla yet?

01:49:32.000 Yes.

01:49:33.000 You driven the fast one, the P100D? No, I haven't driven that one.

01:49:37.000 I've driven the, I guess it's the regular P1. I drove one with ludicrous mode though, so I did get to experience that.

01:49:47.000 So fastest thing I've ever driven in my life.

01:49:49.000 Yeah, that's 0 to 60 and like 2.2 or 2.4, yeah.

01:49:53.000 And then the Roadster that's going to come out, that's 1.9.

01:49:57.000 Yeah.

01:49:58.000 You know, that was like when motorcycles went crazy with horsepower.

01:50:03.000 I mean, now their bikes with over 200 horsepower.

01:50:06.000 But when they first came out with like the Hayabuses and stuff like that, I had a friend who was a dealer and he said, you know, you're going to be able to buy the rear half of these.

01:50:16.000 Because he said, like, people just go over the throttle and crash into shit.

01:50:20.000 He's like, yeah, you can get the clean back half of a Hayabusa or an R1. When you sell a kid a Hayabusa, what percentage of those kids wind up crippled or dead?

01:50:30.000 Not a high percentage, honestly.

01:50:32.000 Not out of 100?

01:50:34.000 Maybe.

01:50:35.000 Maybe.

01:50:35.000 That's a lot.

01:50:36.000 But I don't even know if it's that high because...

01:50:38.000 Imagine if you told jokes and one out of a hundred people in the crowd's heads exploded.

01:50:42.000 Yeah.

01:50:42.000 Well, you haven't been to my show.

01:50:44.000 I really do that, Joe.

01:50:45.000 I get so deep and cerebral that I throw in a dick joke and...

01:50:49.000 Boom!

01:50:51.000 No, you know, the thing about...

01:50:53.000 Yeah, motorcycling is dangerous, but...

01:50:58.000 More people die on Harleys and cruisers.

01:51:02.000 You sound like Neil deGrasse Tyson right now.

01:51:03.000 No, I'm going to tell you the reason why is because they're the ones who they only ride once in a while and they go to a bar, right?

01:51:13.000 And they hang out in the afternoon drinking and then they get on their Harley and go home.

01:51:18.000 They don't wear a helmet and they crash and they die.

01:51:22.000 That happens more often than...

01:51:25.000 I think?

01:51:48.000 But unfortunately, that's part of it.

01:51:49.000 But whenever people hit me with that, I'm like, yeah, people die in cars, too.

01:51:52.000 Like, that's the Neil deGrasse Tyson side of it.

01:51:55.000 Yes.

01:51:55.000 Yeah, people die in cars, too.

01:51:57.000 And this is what I choose to do, and I manage the risk.

01:52:01.000 We've talked about this, right?

01:52:03.000 So, you know, my thing with bikes is, look, if you live through your 20s, you'll be fine.

01:52:08.000 Your 20s is when you're stupid.

01:52:09.000 When you're wild.

01:52:11.000 Yeah, but it would be the same thing.

01:52:12.000 Imagine if you had a GT3 and you were 22 years old.

01:52:16.000 I had some ridiculously fast cars when I was in my 20s.

01:52:19.000 I always spent all my money on fast cars.

01:52:21.000 Yeah.

01:52:22.000 And, you know, the odds are against you on that, too, you know, because you do stupid shit.

01:52:27.000 And you also don't know how to handle them correctly.

01:52:30.000 You don't know the limitations.

01:52:32.000 You don't know how to turn or stop.

01:52:35.000 Well, you don't know when to turn or stop.

01:52:38.000 Yeah.

01:52:38.000 And you're like, oh, that was too late.

01:52:40.000 Yeah.

01:52:41.000 Yeah.

01:52:42.000 When you feel the tires break and you're still going straight, like, whoops.

01:52:45.000 Yeah.

01:52:46.000 Or you don't know the road you're on, like you've never been on this road before, and suddenly you suddenly learn what decreasing radius means.

01:52:53.000 Yes.

01:52:55.000 It's just amazing how fast bikes are, and now they're making electric bikes that don't have any shifting, which is very interesting to me.

01:53:03.000 Harley has a new bike now.

01:53:04.000 Yeah, Harley's got an electric bike to live wire.

01:53:06.000 Have you fucked with that?

01:53:06.000 No, I've ridden an electric bike, but I haven't ridden Harleys.

01:53:10.000 They're supposed to be stupid fast.

01:53:12.000 They all are.

01:53:13.000 It's all just numbers.

01:53:15.000 You know, it's just like cars, right?

01:53:17.000 Like, how many cars now have a top speed of 150, 180?

01:53:22.000 Most of them.

01:53:23.000 Whatever.

01:53:23.000 But it's just a number because you're not going to get there, right?

01:53:26.000 So it just becomes that.

01:53:28.000 Even the zero to 60, you know, well, with the Tesla, you could do it because you just step on the gas, step on the accelerator and do it.

01:53:38.000 Yeah.

01:53:38.000 Most cars, yeah, it can go that quick, but you can't because you're not that good a driver.

01:53:45.000 And it's the same thing with bikes.

01:53:48.000 So bikes can be super quick, but you're not skilled enough to do it.

01:53:52.000 Like, we laugh about it all the time.

01:53:54.000 That's it right there?

01:53:55.000 Yeah, that's the Harley.

01:53:55.000 Woo!

01:53:56.000 Look at that thing.

01:53:57.000 What is that crazy shit between your legs?

01:53:59.000 Is that the batteries?

01:54:00.000 Yeah.

01:54:02.000 Wow.

01:54:02.000 Yeah, that's the batteries because the motor's small.

01:54:05.000 What a fucking beautiful bike.

01:54:06.000 Yeah.

01:54:07.000 What kind of range do you think these things have?

01:54:11.000 The one I rode had like an 80 mile.

01:54:14.000 I have no idea what the Harley...

01:54:16.000 80 miles?

01:54:17.000 That's not enough.

01:54:17.000 Well, it can't carry big batteries like a car.

01:54:19.000 Right.

01:54:20.000 I have no idea what the range on the Harley's.

01:54:21.000 110 mile range.

01:54:23.000 Yeah.

01:54:24.000 Interesting.

01:54:25.000 City dwelling consumer who travels in traffic frequently at 110 mile range is realistic.

01:54:32.000 Okay, so cut that down because...

01:54:34.000 Yeah, make it 70. Yeah, because you're going to be opening it up every chance you get.

01:54:38.000 Live miles batteries will recharge from 0 to 80% in 40 minutes.

01:54:42.000 That's pretty good.

01:54:43.000 That's amazing.

01:54:43.000 Using a stage 3 supercharger connection.

01:54:46.000 That's another thing with electric cars and electric bikes.

01:54:49.000 They're going to have to standardize this charging.

01:54:52.000 Yeah.

01:54:52.000 You know, because it's like, okay, so Tesla uses one charger, then like Audi uses a different one.

01:54:58.000 Now Harley's going to, like, you're going to have to come up with some one-size-fits-all so that you can just plug your car in and charge it.

01:55:07.000 You can't have each company having their own system.

01:55:10.000 Well, you have universal ones at the airport.

01:55:14.000 And the airport, I plugged my car in at the airport this past weekend.

01:55:18.000 Yeah.

01:55:18.000 And it's the first time I've ever done it.

01:55:20.000 I was like, ooh, I found a spot.

01:55:22.000 Electric.

01:55:23.000 You have just a little adapter you put on their universal one.

01:55:26.000 Okay.

01:55:26.000 And it plugs into the Tesla.

01:55:28.000 Okay.

01:55:29.000 Charged easy.

01:55:29.000 So it charged while I was gone.

01:55:30.000 I got there full charge.

01:55:32.000 That'll work then.

01:55:33.000 Yeah.

01:55:33.000 Yeah, because that's what I was thinking because, you know, because I heard like Porsches developing a network of chargers, which I imagine Porsche and Audi are going to use the same one.

01:55:42.000 Yeah, right.

01:55:43.000 If you have a Tesla supercharger, can you plug a Porsche into it?

01:55:46.000 I don't think so.

01:55:47.000 That's stupid.

01:55:48.000 Yeah, they're going to have to figure that out.

01:55:50.000 Yeah, that's weird.

01:55:52.000 What are they going to be like Apple?

01:55:53.000 You know, you can only use a lightning cable.

01:55:55.000 You can't use USB-C. I'm an Apple guy.

01:55:59.000 But I'm going to tell you where Apple, this is where I drew the line.

01:56:02.000 So I got the iPad, right?

01:56:05.000 And then I got an iPad mini.

01:56:07.000 And then I wanted to get the pencil.

01:56:10.000 Do you know there's a separate pencil for the mini iPad, the regular iPad?

01:56:13.000 I was like, no.

01:56:14.000 I was like, no.

01:56:15.000 Is there really?

01:56:16.000 Yeah.

01:56:16.000 Why?

01:56:17.000 Exactly.

01:56:18.000 I was like, are you kidding?

01:56:20.000 So you want me to spend $99 for each one of these pencils and then figure out which one is which, right?

01:56:25.000 Then I can't.

01:56:26.000 What if I accidentally have to run?

01:56:28.000 It was ridiculous.

01:56:29.000 It's like, come on.

01:56:29.000 Well, they do way worse than that.

01:56:31.000 There's a website that I follow.

01:56:32.000 There's a YouTube channel, rather, that I follow.

01:56:34.000 It's a guy who repairs computers.

01:56:38.000 Yeah.

01:56:43.000 Yeah.

01:56:53.000 Not possible.

01:56:54.000 So if this piece goes bad, they have to replace the entire motherboard.

01:56:58.000 And he's like, that is so irresponsible.

01:57:01.000 And he's like, the only reason why this exists is because people allow Apple to do it.

01:57:05.000 He's like, any other company, whether it's IBM or Lenovo or fucking Dell, when you buy a laptop from them...

01:57:13.000 There's all these parts.

01:57:14.000 You can bring it into a place.

01:57:16.000 They can replace this, replace that, and here's the chip, and here's the that, and it's easy.

01:57:20.000 But with Apple, they make it so it's difficult for third-party consumers.

01:57:22.000 Yeah, well, they made it so it's only Apple.

01:57:25.000 Yeah, well, third-party people can't repair it.

01:57:27.000 They don't want anyone messing with it.

01:57:28.000 It's fucking gross, man.

01:57:30.000 It's gross.

01:57:31.000 And then the Lightning C, the C cable, the Lightning Bolt thing versus USB-C. Lightning Bolt's not as good.

01:57:38.000 It's not as good.

01:57:39.000 The bandwidth's not as fast.

01:57:41.000 Doesn't transfer data or power as quickly.

01:57:44.000 That's another thing.

01:57:45.000 The cable thing is something like every time you get a new gadget, you got another cable.

01:57:50.000 Yeah, if they just went with USB-C. Let's make everything USB-C. Every Android phone, every fucking one of them uses USB-C. Yeah.

01:58:00.000 Because the fact that you have to carry a different case, and then you're like, does this fit that?

01:58:05.000 And then, yeah, it's a pain in the ass.

01:58:07.000 The only thing that Apple has going for it is privacy, in terms of phones.

01:58:11.000 They are way better with their privacy.

01:58:13.000 But because of that...

01:58:15.000 Privacy and protecting your privacy, that's also why Apple Maps suck.

01:58:19.000 Like, Apple Maps is not nearly as good as Google Maps, because Google Maps is following you to the bathroom.

01:58:24.000 And they're sending all that shit to Cupertino or whatever the hell they are.

01:58:28.000 They get all the data.

01:58:29.000 All of it.

01:58:30.000 Everything.

01:58:31.000 From Waze, from this, from that.

01:58:33.000 That's also why it works so well.

01:58:34.000 You know, but...

01:58:36.000 Their text messages and all the different things is not as secure as iMessage.

01:58:42.000 iMessage is all scrambled and encrypted.

01:58:45.000 And the other thing with Apple is for someone who's not a techie or whatever, it's the integration, the seamless integration between the Apple products.

01:58:55.000 Oh, including your, if you have, what is it, ITV? What is it, Apple TV? Yeah.

01:59:00.000 If you have Apple TV, you can, like, type shit up in your phone.

01:59:03.000 Your phone syncs up to Apple TV. Right, your phone syncs to your TV, and it's your remote.

01:59:06.000 And you use your phone as a keyboard.

01:59:07.000 Yeah, it's your remote.

01:59:09.000 And you don't have to know how to do it.

01:59:11.000 Right.

01:59:13.000 I'm talking to blah, blah.

01:59:14.000 Like, you put the password in on your phone, then you open up your iPad, and it gets the password from the phone, and it's already connected to, you know, whatever network and stuff like that.

01:59:26.000 Yeah, Android's are getting better at that, though.

01:59:28.000 They're getting closer and closer to filling the gap.

01:59:31.000 I mean, the new Samsung phones are as good, if not better, than anything Apple's ever put out.

01:59:36.000 The thing is, are you in the Apple ecosystem?

01:59:38.000 That's all it is, yeah.

01:59:39.000 Which one is your normal?

01:59:41.000 Yes.

01:59:42.000 Which one are you used to?

01:59:44.000 Ian has a hilarious bit about it.

01:59:46.000 He has a hilarious bit about being both vegan and android.

01:59:49.000 It's the most a person could ever get discriminated against.

01:59:53.000 It's fucking hilarious.

01:59:54.000 It's really funny.

01:59:56.000 The other thing is too, the little dots.

01:59:59.000 If I send you a text message and you start replying, I see the dot, dot, dot, and then it stops.

02:00:04.000 It's like, what's going on?

02:00:06.000 What happened?

02:00:06.000 You just ghosted me.

02:00:08.000 You just blew me off.

02:00:09.000 But you were gonna reply, and then you're like, fuck that dude.

02:00:11.000 But like, with the green message, if it's an android, you don't know when it's coming.

02:00:17.000 You don't know if that guy got that message.

02:00:19.000 Part of me likes that better.

02:00:21.000 Like, I don't necessarily want you to know I read your message.

02:00:24.000 And they used to give read receipts.

02:00:26.000 It sucks when they know you read it.

02:00:27.000 Yeah.

02:00:28.000 Because now they know you're intentionally not answering me.

02:00:32.000 Yeah.

02:00:32.000 Well, that's those little dot, dot, dots.

02:00:33.000 Yeah.

02:00:34.000 Those little dot, dot, dots are ratting you out.

02:00:36.000 Yeah.

02:00:37.000 That's what Ian says.

02:00:38.000 And he's like, I don't need everyone to know that I read your message.

02:00:44.000 Man, that dude is so funny.

02:00:46.000 He's hilarious.

02:00:46.000 I'm so happy he finally has a Comedy Central special.

02:00:51.000 Yeah, you talk about overdue.

02:00:53.000 He's so good.

02:00:54.000 You know who's next?

02:00:55.000 Owen Smith.

02:00:57.000 Yeah.

02:00:57.000 He's a motherfucker.

02:01:17.000 Great performer, too.

02:01:19.000 He's so funny, man.

02:01:21.000 I've been working with him a lot lately.

02:01:23.000 Oh, yeah?

02:01:23.000 Yeah, man.

02:01:24.000 We do a lot of gigs together, especially improv in the store.

02:01:27.000 He's as good as anybody.

02:01:29.000 Yeah, definitely.

02:01:30.000 And people don't know.

02:01:31.000 Hey, listen, the last thing I need is people publicizing another tall black comic.

02:01:36.000 Owen Smith?

02:01:37.000 Who?

02:01:37.000 Well, we're publicizing you too.

02:01:39.000 Finally, you got an Amazon special.

02:01:41.000 No, it's great.

02:01:42.000 But that is funny.

02:01:44.000 There's a kid named Andre LeClerc out of New York.

02:01:47.000 Funny guy.

02:01:47.000 He did New Faces last year.

02:01:49.000 And my manager signed him.

02:01:51.000 And I was like, you know it's over when your manager signs a younger, better-looking version of you.

02:01:57.000 Like, that's the last thing I needed.

02:01:59.000 But he's a funny kid.

02:02:01.000 But there's not a good benefit to being good-looking in comedy.

02:02:05.000 There is if you want to do sitcoms, but they don't really exist anymore.

02:02:08.000 If you want to get into the movies and do like a rom-com thing.

02:02:12.000 But sitcoms, that was what Montreal was all about.

02:02:16.000 Montreal was all about you got a development deal and you did sitcoms.

02:02:21.000 Now it's streaming services.

02:02:26.000 Movies are still like a different animal.

02:02:30.000 That's a different breed.

02:02:31.000 I have zero desire.

02:02:32.000 But streaming services and...

02:02:34.000 You know, it's really funny, too, because people talk about acting.

02:02:39.000 I'm not an actor, and I'm okay with not being an actor.

02:02:43.000 I like hosting stuff, and I like unscripted TV and stuff like that, but...

02:02:49.000 But, you know, when people are like, would you want a show?

02:02:51.000 Well, yeah, of course I'd want a show.

02:02:53.000 I mean, it's, you know, a ton of money and this and that.

02:02:56.000 But the actual doing it and creating it, like, my mind has never worked like that, you know what I mean?

02:03:02.000 Like, some people, they love playing characters and stuff like that.

02:03:07.000 All due respect to that, but it's not what I do.

02:03:09.000 But people are almost like, well, why don't you?

02:03:12.000 And it's like, because it's not my thing.

02:03:14.000 Hedberg used to have a joke about that.

02:03:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:03:17.000 That comedy is the only thing where they ask you to do something else once you do it.

02:03:20.000 Right.

02:03:21.000 Yeah.

02:03:21.000 Yeah, if you're a cook, they never ask you, do you farm?

02:03:24.000 Yeah.

02:03:27.000 Yeah, but it was always the way that everybody got famous, right?

02:03:31.000 Roseanne and Seinfeld and Tim Allen and all those guys that got sitcoms based off of stand-up, and then they basically became actors.

02:03:39.000 Yeah, but you look at the numbers...

02:03:42.000 You know, there's a hell of a lot of comics for every one of them that made it to that.

02:03:46.000 You know what I mean?

02:03:48.000 Overwhelming.

02:03:49.000 But for some guys, that was like the thing that drove them crazy is they never got that call.

02:03:54.000 Like Richard Jenny, he was one.

02:03:56.000 I remember I saw Jenny in Montreal.

02:04:00.000 At the Comedy Works.

02:04:03.000 Murdering.

02:04:03.000 God, he was funny.

02:04:04.000 I mean, he was a beast on stage.

02:04:07.000 He was a beast.

02:04:08.000 I mean, you can see his specials and you kind of get it, but if you saw him in real life, you'd be like, fuck.

02:04:14.000 He's one of the most forgotten geniuses of stand-up comedy.

02:04:18.000 Yeah, he was a brilliant stand-up.

02:04:20.000 So good.

02:04:21.000 I saw him, speaking of which, he was talking about a Corvette salesman trying to sell him on options on a Corvette.

02:04:29.000 And he was talking about that in Montreal at the Comedy Works.

02:04:33.000 And I remember sitting in the back of the room and I remember knowing that he was bummed out because he couldn't get a sitcom.

02:04:40.000 He had that one...

02:04:41.000 Platypus Man.

02:04:42.000 Platypus Man, yeah.

02:04:43.000 And then he was in The Mask.

02:04:44.000 And Platypus Man, the HBO special, was one of the great one hours you'll ever see.

02:04:49.000 Like, if you can find it, it's one of the great one hours of comedy.

02:04:53.000 He was a monster.

02:04:55.000 But he was one of those guys that really wanted a special.

02:04:59.000 Or, excuse me, really wanted a television show.

02:05:01.000 Really wanted a show.

02:05:02.000 Wanted to be validated.

02:05:04.000 You know who I never understood, never got a show?

02:05:06.000 I mean, he's had shows but didn't have a sitcom?

02:05:09.000 Dom.

02:05:09.000 Dom Herrera.

02:05:10.000 Oh, yeah.

02:05:11.000 Because he's such a natural character.

02:05:13.000 Well, he was on a sitcom with Damon for a while, right?

02:05:15.000 Yeah, I think for like half a season.

02:05:18.000 And he had the sports show on Comedy Central.

02:05:21.000 Right, right, right, right.

02:05:22.000 That was funny.

02:05:23.000 The football show.

02:05:23.000 But it just seems like he's such a natural character just being Dom.

02:05:28.000 Yeah.

02:05:30.000 Nobody gives a fuck less than Dom Herrera.

02:05:33.000 God, that's true.

02:05:34.000 Dom Herrera, this is what he said to me.

02:05:35.000 He goes, I wish I was gay just so I could come out of the closet.

02:05:39.000 That's how little I give a fuck.

02:05:43.000 Saying I wish I was gay so I could tell you I'm gay, that is fucking hilarious.

02:05:48.000 I love watching him.

02:05:49.000 I love watching George Wallace.

02:05:51.000 Those guys are just masters of the art.

02:05:54.000 Just go on stage and just kill it effortlessly because...

02:05:59.000 It seems like George Wallace is back in Vegas.

02:06:01.000 Is that correct?

02:06:02.000 Yeah, he went back last year.

02:06:04.000 He tried to do the road for a bit, and he's like, ah.

02:06:06.000 No, I think it was one of those.

02:06:08.000 I think they made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

02:06:11.000 I think it was one of those deals.

02:06:13.000 Well, he's got that great following in Vegas.

02:06:15.000 It was things that people would go when they were on vacation in Vegas.

02:06:18.000 They would go to see George Wallace.

02:06:20.000 Go to see George, absolutely.

02:06:21.000 Rita Rudner had that.

02:06:23.000 Carrot Top had that.

02:06:24.000 There's not a whole lot of residents in Vegas these days.

02:06:28.000 Not anymore.

02:06:29.000 Not on that level where you're aware of it.

02:06:32.000 Carrot Top will always be there.

02:06:34.000 But it's a tricky one because if you commit to that, you give up all the road momentum.

02:06:41.000 Well, you've got to be able to market it.

02:06:43.000 I mean, that's where George was brilliant.

02:06:44.000 George figured out just what you said.

02:06:47.000 For people to go home and tell their friends, hey, when you go to Vegas, you've got to see George Robinson.

02:06:51.000 He figured that out.

02:06:53.000 I don't think it translates on the road anymore.

02:06:56.000 No.

02:06:57.000 Again, you have to figure out how to build that.

02:07:00.000 And it takes time to build.

02:07:02.000 It doesn't build right away.

02:07:04.000 So you've got to be working with a place or working with a producer or somebody who's like, yeah, we're going to spend a year Building you as a destination show.

02:07:12.000 And you have to be willing to live in Vegas.

02:07:15.000 Yeah.

02:07:15.000 Because there's something about that.

02:07:17.000 It's like you're almost in some weird purgatory.

02:07:22.000 If you can handle it, it's okay.

02:07:24.000 But if you've got a vice, if you have any vice, Vegas is going to find it and destroy you with it.

02:07:32.000 Whether it's gambling or pussy or...

02:07:35.000 I just worked with Mal.

02:07:36.000 Mal had this great joke over here in Vegas.

02:07:38.000 He said, Vegas is the only city you can watch someone become homeless.

02:07:44.000 Yeah, you can watch them at the tables the night they become homeless.

02:07:47.000 You just watch them.

02:07:48.000 Yeah, like your whole life is falling apart right now.

02:07:50.000 Yeah, I know, but this next role is going to be.

02:07:52.000 They will let you mortgage your fucking house.

02:07:56.000 Absolutely.

02:07:57.000 They're like, yeah, go ahead.

02:07:58.000 What do you want to do?

02:07:58.000 Another roll of the dice or a hand of cards?

02:08:00.000 What do you want to do?

02:08:02.000 Vegas is the only gig where they will pay you in advance.

02:08:05.000 Yes.

02:08:05.000 Pay you the first night.

02:08:06.000 Yeah.

02:08:07.000 You want it?

02:08:07.000 Here's some money.

02:08:08.000 You want it?

02:08:08.000 Here you go.

02:08:09.000 You'll be here tomorrow.

02:08:09.000 Thanks.

02:08:10.000 We'll get that back from you.

02:08:12.000 If you win too much, they stop you from coming back.

02:08:15.000 Like Dana White from the UFC, he gets banned because he's really good at blackjack.

02:08:19.000 So he'll win like a million dollars in a night and they ban him from casinos.

02:08:23.000 Because they know who he is.

02:08:24.000 But they ban him because he's winning.

02:08:26.000 Yeah.

02:08:26.000 Like, what is this fucking, what you only play if you win, you piece of shit?

02:08:30.000 It's their game.

02:08:31.000 Come on.

02:08:31.000 But that's ridiculous.

02:08:31.000 Their house.

02:08:32.000 But that's a ridiculous rule.

02:08:33.000 I know.

02:08:34.000 They should have to go under.

02:08:36.000 But they all, you know, it's like their rules and they're all in it together.

02:08:40.000 But that seems like rejecting service, you know?

02:08:43.000 I mean, it just seems like they shouldn't be able to do that.

02:08:45.000 And what's the sign you always see?

02:08:46.000 We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.

02:08:49.000 Yeah.

02:08:50.000 Right, so.

02:08:51.000 Where do you work when you do Vegas?

02:08:54.000 I do Brad Garrett's at the MGM. That's a great spot.

02:08:57.000 Love that room.

02:08:58.000 And I just did Kimmel's new club.

02:09:00.000 I heard that's a great spot too.

02:09:01.000 Beautiful club.

02:09:02.000 How is it?

02:09:02.000 Is that the Rio?

02:09:03.000 No, it's at the Link.

02:09:04.000 It's where that big Ferris wheel is.

02:09:07.000 They open like that Midway Strip.

02:09:09.000 It's on there.

02:09:10.000 Doesn't someone have something at the Rio, too?

02:09:13.000 Isn't that a new one?

02:09:14.000 Yeah, the Cellar.

02:09:15.000 Oh, that's at the Rio?

02:09:16.000 Yeah, the Cellar's at the Rio.

02:09:17.000 I heard that's great, too.

02:09:18.000 I heard that's great, too.

02:09:19.000 Vegas has, like, they have the Laugh Factory now?

02:09:22.000 It's comedies made, like, part of why when George left, he said one of the things was, like, for a long time, there weren't that many comedy shows.

02:09:30.000 He said, then suddenly every place had a comedy show, so that cuts into ticket sales.

02:09:36.000 That makes sense.

02:09:38.000 The Mirage is the shit.

02:09:39.000 That's my favorite spot.

02:09:40.000 I fucking love that room.

02:09:42.000 I used to do bigger rooms.

02:09:43.000 And even if I would sell out the bigger room, I'd be like, the fucking Mirage.

02:09:48.000 It's so good.

02:09:49.000 So now I just do the Mirage.

02:09:50.000 I'm there all the time.

02:09:52.000 From where I'm standing, it's quality situations, Joe.

02:09:54.000 It's the best room, man.

02:09:56.000 It's like, I was watching, one time Joey Diaz was on stage, and I was in the back of the room.

02:10:02.000 And in the back of the room with the Mirage, it was crystal clear sound.

02:10:07.000 That works for comedy rooms, right?

02:10:09.000 You've got to be able to hear them and see them.

02:10:13.000 Yeah.

02:10:15.000 Somebody, I forget who it was, but it was a musician.

02:10:18.000 He said, the best room is when you can see everyone's eyes.

02:10:22.000 Yeah.

02:10:23.000 Because he had done like big rock concerts and all that and he was like, yeah, if you can see everyone's eyes, you got a good room.

02:10:29.000 That's the Ice House.

02:10:31.000 Or like you said, Comedy Works, places like that where you can actually connect with everybody in there.

02:10:38.000 The Ice House is tough to fuck with.

02:10:40.000 That might be the best ever created room.

02:10:45.000 We used to say if you bomb, you should be allowed to go to the Ice House the next day just to get your confidence back, right?

02:10:52.000 Just because, like, oh man, I don't know if I could.

02:10:54.000 You could do it, man.

02:10:54.000 Go to the Ice House.

02:10:55.000 You could do it.

02:10:56.000 And then you walk out like, yeah, I can do this.

02:10:57.000 Do you know there's agents that won't accept tapes from the ice house because it's just too easy a room?

02:11:02.000 Yeah, it's because you do great.

02:11:04.000 Yeah, definitely.

02:11:06.000 The ice house is great.

02:11:07.000 Comedy magic is pretty goddamn good.

02:11:10.000 Yeah, comedy magic is like, and you know, Mike and Richard, they're so nice to you.

02:11:15.000 Too nice.

02:11:15.000 It's confusing.

02:11:17.000 What are you planning?

02:11:18.000 Because now you've ruined people for anywhere else.

02:11:22.000 And they're food!

02:11:24.000 They're food.

02:11:24.000 They'll serve you a steak that you could get at a fucking steakhouse.

02:11:28.000 I had broken my wrist, right?

02:11:30.000 And now, I was living in Studio City, and this is in Hermosa Beach.

02:11:34.000 So to your listeners, that's 30 miles apart in LA traffic, hour and a half, hour at least, right?

02:11:42.000 Mike was like, you know, if you want, we can send a server to bring food to your house.

02:11:47.000 Like, Mike, I live in C. He's like, yeah, I know.

02:11:49.000 And he would have done it.

02:11:51.000 It's like, are you kidding me?

02:11:53.000 When I got kicked out of the comedy store in 2007, he reached out to my agent and said, we would love if Joe could work at the Comedy Magic Club.

02:12:02.000 We support him.

02:12:03.000 We would never hire joke thieves.

02:12:06.000 And when we know that this is going down with him, we would love for him to come here.

02:12:10.000 Like, he's that nice of a guy.

02:12:12.000 Yeah, he's a super nice guy.

02:12:15.000 And Richard, the manager, Richard still goes places to see comics to see if they're, you know, good for the club.

02:12:22.000 Yeah, that's...

02:12:23.000 Like, nobody does that anymore.

02:12:25.000 Like, you...

02:12:27.000 Got videos.

02:12:28.000 It trickles down from the top, you know, that love and respect of the comedians and then just treating performers well.

02:12:35.000 And that's why all the old pros still work there.

02:12:38.000 And that's why, you know, Ray Romano and all that, like they still go there.

02:12:42.000 Leno's still there every Sunday because it's Like, yeah.

02:12:45.000 He still goes every Sunday?

02:12:46.000 Every Sunday.

02:12:47.000 That is crazy, because I know he kind of stopped for a while when he was not doing The Tonight Show anymore.

02:12:51.000 Yeah, he took a break, but yeah, he's still pretty regular there on Sundays.

02:12:54.000 I have not seen him on stage do stand-up ever.

02:12:59.000 I have.

02:12:59.000 I've only seen him on television.

02:13:02.000 As a matter of fact, we did a benefit together last year, and it was fun watching him work as the comic, because he was doing bits and all that, but he'll still tell a joke, but he's a really good joke teller,

02:13:17.000 so he'll tell just a regular joke, but it's hilarious because it's so good.

02:13:22.000 In Montreal, I just did a gala, and Howie Mandel hosted it.

02:13:27.000 I think?

02:13:49.000 That AGT gig is a great gig.

02:13:51.000 I'm sure he gets paid a lot of money.

02:13:52.000 But if you go back and listen to Howie Mandel in the 80s and the 90s when he was just doing stand-up, he was fucking brilliant, man.

02:13:58.000 He was brilliant.

02:13:59.000 A lot of those guys, you know, and women, those comics...

02:14:05.000 People don't realize how great a comic they had to be to get that job.

02:14:10.000 They're like, ah, he just does that.

02:14:12.000 Arsenio is like that.

02:14:14.000 I've seen people who see Arsenio do stand-up, and it's like, well, yeah, there was a reason he got the show.

02:14:20.000 They didn't just say, hey, man, that's a funny name.

02:14:23.000 Arsenio is a beast when he does stand-up.

02:14:25.000 Jay Leno is one of the weirdest cases, right?

02:14:27.000 Because he doesn't have a body of work.

02:14:30.000 Well, because he never recorded it.

02:14:31.000 He said he would never record it because then you sell it, then you can't do it anymore.

02:14:36.000 And they said, so he would just...

02:14:38.000 But yet he wrote jokes every week for The Tonight Show.

02:14:40.000 Like, hey, Jay, put your shit out there, buddy.

02:14:44.000 I mean, people don't know.

02:14:45.000 But then again, you know, what did he lose?

02:14:49.000 You know what I mean?

02:14:49.000 It's like, he certainly didn't need the money.

02:14:52.000 I don't think Jay's ever like, man, I should have sold merch.

02:14:54.000 Yeah.

02:14:56.000 You know?

02:14:56.000 But it's a matter of people knowing how good he is, I would think.

02:15:00.000 Yeah.

02:15:00.000 I would think that people would want to know how good he was.

02:15:02.000 I guess he's comfortable where he's at, you know?

02:15:05.000 And people do, well, and also, you know, if you do go see him live, that is great that you get to see him and you get to enjoy it.

02:15:12.000 Nobody wears a jean shirt unless they're comfortable.

02:15:15.000 You gotta be.

02:15:16.000 You have to be.

02:15:16.000 Wear it every day.

02:15:17.000 There's no goddamn agenda there.

02:15:18.000 You got a uniform.

02:15:19.000 Yeah, he does have kind of a uniform.

02:15:22.000 Listen, Alonzo, I've got to wrap this up.

02:15:24.000 All right.

02:15:24.000 You got an Amazon special.

02:15:27.000 It's out.

02:15:27.000 What's the day it's out?

02:15:28.000 August 23rd.

02:15:30.000 Heavy Lightweight.

02:15:31.000 Today's the 6th.

02:15:33.000 Let me know.

02:15:33.000 We'll tweet it.

02:15:34.000 We'll let everybody know.

02:15:36.000 And Heavy Lightweight on Amazon Prime.

02:15:39.000 Amazon Prime.

02:15:40.000 Stream it on your phone.

02:15:41.000 You can get it on everything.

02:15:42.000 Get it on everything.

02:15:43.000 You know something?

02:15:44.000 You go to Whole Foods and just watch it.

02:15:46.000 Really?

02:15:46.000 No, I'm kidding.

02:15:47.000 But what the hell?

02:15:48.000 He owns it, right?

02:15:49.000 Yeah, he owns it.

02:15:50.000 All right.

02:15:51.000 No.

02:15:51.000 Well, thanks for coming in, brother.

02:15:52.000 I appreciate it.

02:15:53.000 Man, thank you, Joe.

02:15:54.000 Fear not, the new podcast, that's out there, too.

02:15:56.000 Man, I love you, honestly.

02:15:57.000 I love you, too.

02:15:58.000 This is so great.

02:15:59.000 Thank you.

02:15:59.000 And again, thanks for the love you give me even when I'm not here.

02:16:02.000 Anytime, man.

02:16:02.000 You know I love you.

02:16:03.000 And we're working tonight.

02:16:04.000 Yes.

02:16:05.000 Yeah, improv tonight.

02:16:06.000 Improv tonight.

02:16:06.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 06, 2019

Joe Rogan Experience #1331 - Alonzo Bodden

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