The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1332

00:00:03.000 Hello, Annie.

00:00:04.000 Hello, Joe Rogan.

00:00:06.000 The leopard theme.

00:00:07.000 You have leopard jackets.

00:00:09.000 Today you have a leopard top.

00:00:10.000 Is this just coincidental or is there something to this?

00:00:14.000 Well, I'm a little bit white trash and I want everyone...

00:00:16.000 No, I don't know.

00:00:16.000 I liked Married with Children.

00:00:19.000 You can pull this up.

00:00:20.000 I'm a little bit...

00:00:21.000 I know.

00:00:22.000 I'm trying to get comfortable.

00:00:23.000 Are you comfortable?

00:00:24.000 I don't know.

00:00:25.000 Am I? I'm nervous.

00:00:26.000 You seem comfortable.

00:00:27.000 Am I supposed to be not nervous?

00:00:29.000 You're fine.

00:00:30.000 I'm with the king.

00:00:31.000 Anyway, okay.

00:00:33.000 So, Leopard.

00:00:33.000 Leopard.

00:00:34.000 I like Married with Children.

00:00:35.000 I don't know.

00:00:36.000 You like Married with Children?

00:00:37.000 Peg Bundy?

00:00:37.000 Well, I was going to go for Kelly, but thank you.

00:00:39.000 I like Dumb and Slutty.

00:00:42.000 No.

00:00:43.000 I do have my friend who started pegging her boyfriend in my phone as Peg Bundy.

00:00:48.000 Whoa.

00:00:48.000 That's her name.

00:00:49.000 She started pegging her boyfriend?

00:00:50.000 She got a new boyfriend.

00:00:52.000 Whose idea?

00:00:52.000 His.

00:00:53.000 I think he's gay, honestly.

00:00:54.000 Oh, for sure.

00:00:56.000 Listen, if you get pegged, I'm not saying you're gay for sure, but this guy...

00:01:00.000 This guy's gay.

00:01:00.000 This guy I think is gay.

00:01:02.000 And what did she think?

00:01:04.000 They broke up.

00:01:05.000 She thinks he's gay.

00:01:06.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:01:07.000 They broke up.

00:01:08.000 Why did they break up?

00:01:10.000 He was emotionally unavailable because he's gay.

00:01:12.000 Wow.

00:01:14.000 I think he's looking for something with a dick.

00:01:18.000 So, was there other signs?

00:01:22.000 With him that he might be...

00:01:23.000 I don't know.

00:01:23.000 I think that he just was not...

00:01:25.000 Maybe he's just an emotionally unavailable guy, but he seemed to have a lot of issues around wanting to get dicks in his hands.

00:01:32.000 So it seems like maybe he needs to try maybe a less plastic one.

00:01:36.000 Yeah, well, he probably is already trying it, don't you think?

00:01:39.000 Maybe.

00:01:40.000 I mean, I don't think he just...

00:01:41.000 Why would you waste your time with a rubber dick strapped to a woman if you could just go get...

00:01:48.000 Maybe Jesus.

00:01:49.000 Jesus maybe.

00:01:50.000 Some Christian stuff, like you just can't take the real dick.

00:01:54.000 Yeah, maybe it's like internalized homophobia.

00:01:57.000 Probably.

00:01:58.000 Or maybe he's just like transitionary.

00:02:00.000 Like maybe two years from now he'll look back and go, God, I used to make girls fuck me in the ass.

00:02:05.000 I was such a dickhead.

00:02:07.000 Why did I do that?

00:02:08.000 I should have just come out.

00:02:09.000 Yeah, or maybe he likes the feminine aspects of a woman and the rock-hard cock part of a dude.

00:02:16.000 There's a lot of people that like that.

00:02:17.000 He needs to get...

00:02:18.000 There needs to be like a...

00:02:20.000 Well, I guess that's what a...

00:02:21.000 He needs a hermaphrodite is what he needs.

00:02:23.000 Well, Whitney Cummings was telling me that those sex robots, you know, you saw her special, they made a sex robot, that they're really popular where they have a woman's body and a dick.

00:02:32.000 Those ones are really popular.

00:02:33.000 All right.

00:02:35.000 All right.

00:02:35.000 You get to live your...

00:02:39.000 You're just greedy.

00:02:40.000 You just want everything.

00:02:41.000 Inside, outside, give it to me.

00:02:44.000 I had a guy call into my podcast about his wife won't peg him enough, and he's a cuck, but she won't.

00:02:50.000 Yeah, but she makes love to him while she pegs him, and he wants to be just destroyed, you know?

00:02:57.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:02:57.000 And he's a cuck, but she won't fuck black guys.

00:03:01.000 So he's just, he's like, I'm like, I feel like for what you want, you should be very grateful.

00:03:06.000 You have this woman that's pretty down, but there's always more.

00:03:09.000 So I'm wondering if he just wants more or if...

00:03:12.000 Isn't that the same with, but just that's how it is with people.

00:03:14.000 If you go back to the early days of porn, it was basically just pizza delivery men and sorority girls and sex.

00:03:21.000 And everybody had a bush.

00:03:22.000 But then you look at today, everyone's gagging and slapping and choking and spitting.

00:03:28.000 And not choking on pubes.

00:03:29.000 And it's...

00:03:31.000 There was none of that back then.

00:03:33.000 Now it's like standard.

00:03:34.000 You know?

00:03:35.000 It's like everything keeps getting pushed.

00:03:37.000 Boundaries keep getting pushed.

00:03:38.000 Everyone's getting the fishhook.

00:03:40.000 Poor Aziz.

00:03:41.000 It's fucking weird.

00:03:41.000 Aziz watched the wrong porn.

00:03:45.000 Aziz?

00:03:45.000 Oh, did you fishhook that girl?

00:03:46.000 Remember when he got in trouble?

00:03:48.000 Yeah.

00:03:48.000 What a disaster.

00:03:51.000 Have you seen a special?

00:03:52.000 I haven't watched it yet.

00:03:54.000 I watched a clip and it shot so bad.

00:03:56.000 It's like you see him and then you see people behind him in the backstage area milling around and he's on a seat.

00:04:06.000 It's so dumb.

00:04:07.000 It's like there's doors open in the back and then people walking behind the doors.

00:04:12.000 It's like some odd artistic choice to try to be like...

00:04:16.000 It doesn't matter that I'm up here?

00:04:18.000 Yeah, like it's no big deal.

00:04:19.000 Life still goes on even though I'm up here, which means you were thinking that life doesn't go on and you wanted to show people that life goes on.

00:04:26.000 Dude, that's deep.

00:04:27.000 You were insecure about how narcissistic you are and then you tried to fight it.

00:04:32.000 Well, I was thinking it was the director's choice.

00:04:34.000 Who was the director?

00:04:36.000 Was it Spike Jones?

00:04:37.000 Yeah.

00:04:37.000 I think he tried to do something crafty, which, you know, is kind of interesting in any other format.

00:04:42.000 I mean, it'd be interesting if it was a conversation, it was just, you know, two people talking and they're in a public square and you see people milling around behind them.

00:04:50.000 That's not distracting.

00:04:51.000 But with stand-up, the more things you have to think about other than what the person's saying, the more it's going to take away from what the person's saying.

00:04:57.000 Yeah, it does feel weird to just...

00:05:00.000 I mean, you know, I go on with the leopard print jacket sometimes, but I like to dig myself a little hole.

00:05:05.000 Yeah, but the leopard print jacket's just cool.

00:05:07.000 It's just funny.

00:05:07.000 It's not distracting.

00:05:09.000 It's just here she is.

00:05:10.000 I like...

00:05:11.000 You know, I have my toy sword.

00:05:13.000 I don't know if you've been around for any of those sets, but...

00:05:14.000 You have a toy sword you bring on sometimes?

00:05:15.000 Sometimes I bring one on.

00:05:16.000 You know, it's late at night.

00:05:18.000 You gotta wake them up.

00:05:19.000 What kind of sword?

00:05:20.000 Like a buccaneer sword?

00:05:22.000 Just a plastic sword from the toy store.

00:05:25.000 I spend a lot of time with props.

00:05:26.000 I... I have fake blood on me most times.

00:05:29.000 I don't know when I'm going to be inspired to take a funny picture.

00:05:33.000 To make a pratfall?

00:05:34.000 To make a pratfall.

00:05:35.000 Did you see the pratfalls that we did?

00:05:36.000 Me and Steven Randolph, one of the door guys at the Comedy Store.

00:05:39.000 No one was those.

00:05:40.000 They posted on the Comedy Store thing.

00:05:42.000 Oh, no, no, I did.

00:05:43.000 We challenged each other to three pratfalls.

00:05:46.000 It's so embarrassing.

00:05:48.000 Listen, after Brody died, I was like, I'm going all out.

00:05:50.000 I'm experimenting.

00:05:51.000 I'm having as much fun as I can.

00:05:53.000 You know, obviously it's about jokes, but sometimes you've got to really just...

00:05:57.000 You gotta just have your time up there.

00:05:59.000 The Brody one was hard on everybody.

00:06:00.000 Oh, that was the worst.

00:06:01.000 Didn't make any sense.

00:06:02.000 That was one that it just felt like swallowing a dry rock.

00:06:06.000 Yeah.

00:06:07.000 Like, how?

00:06:08.000 Like, how's that guy gone?

00:06:09.000 It just feels...

00:06:10.000 He was just such a big presence.

00:06:12.000 And then it's sad to...

00:06:14.000 I don't want to talk too much about ayahuasca on here because I know that's what everyone does.

00:06:18.000 But I did...

00:06:20.000 And when I did a trip on ayahuasca, it was right after that.

00:06:23.000 And it helped me a lot with that because I kept thinking about...

00:06:26.000 How sad it was that he couldn't feel us hugging him.

00:06:29.000 We loved him.

00:06:30.000 Brody was loved.

00:06:31.000 We loved that man.

00:06:33.000 He was our brother, you know?

00:06:35.000 And that was the sad part.

00:06:36.000 Well, I mean, I just feel like there's no way any of us could ever understand what's in anybody else's brain.

00:06:43.000 I don't know what's in yours.

00:06:44.000 You don't know what's in mine.

00:06:46.000 We assume that there's a similar thing happening inside our head as other people's heads.

00:06:52.000 And I think that's wildly incorrect.

00:06:54.000 And I think some people are just in pain all the time.

00:06:57.000 And there's not much you can do as a friend to help them.

00:07:01.000 I mean, I felt the same way about Bourdain.

00:07:04.000 When Bourdain died, it was just...

00:07:08.000 I don't get it.

00:07:09.000 I just don't understand how someone who's so loved, you know, he has this amazing job, has a beautiful daughter, and he has this life that's extraordinary and very interesting and deep, and he gets to meet these fascinating people and travel the world and expose people to all these incredible artists and culinary artists,

00:07:29.000 and yet still couldn't take it, didn't want to be here for whatever reason.

00:07:35.000 And I just think about it.

00:07:36.000 It's like, so they're okay.

00:07:37.000 They're off wherever we go or whatever happens.

00:07:40.000 They've...

00:07:41.000 Transcended.

00:07:42.000 Came back.

00:07:43.000 They're floating around somewhere.

00:07:45.000 But it's like, selfishly, I'm like, I want more Brody.

00:07:49.000 Of course.

00:07:49.000 I want him back.

00:07:50.000 Of course.

00:07:51.000 Yeah, of course.

00:07:52.000 And then you see people, they just fade.

00:07:55.000 Each year goes by, which is going to happen to all of us.

00:07:58.000 Yeah.

00:07:59.000 But, you know...

00:08:01.000 Luckily, he had a lot of catchphrases.

00:08:04.000 A lot of stuff online.

00:08:05.000 I love the poster in the back of the store.

00:08:06.000 Oh, I love it.

00:08:07.000 I kiss it every time I walk by it.

00:08:08.000 Do you really?

00:08:09.000 Yeah, I'm not touching it anymore.

00:08:10.000 Yeah, I lick it.

00:08:11.000 I give it my herpes.

00:08:12.000 Wow!

00:08:13.000 I don't have herpes yet, Joe Rogan audience.

00:08:14.000 But if you do, it's on that.

00:08:16.000 It's okay.

00:08:17.000 And honestly, if you have it, it's fine.

00:08:19.000 When are they going to have a vaccination?

00:08:21.000 They must have one already.

00:08:22.000 Do you think the government's keeping it from us?

00:08:24.000 Sure.

00:08:24.000 What do you think, conspiracy theorist?

00:08:26.000 Jamie's not a conspiracy theorist.

00:08:27.000 Yes, he is.

00:08:28.000 Why do you say that?

00:08:29.000 Because he already sparked up when we talked about the aliens thing.

00:08:33.000 Oh, did he bring up Ohio?

00:08:35.000 No.

00:08:36.000 I left it all out.

00:08:37.000 But he got his eyes.

00:08:38.000 There's just something.

00:08:39.000 There's a spark they have.

00:08:41.000 Conspiracy theories?

00:08:42.000 Yeah, they have a little spark in their eye.

00:08:44.000 He perked up.

00:08:45.000 He kegeled his asshole a little bit when I brought it up.

00:08:47.000 Yeah, but it was really funny.

00:08:49.000 The last question I asked him was about UFOs.

00:08:52.000 Just kind of almost as a joke, but just as a goodbye.

00:08:56.000 Keep it silly.

00:08:58.000 That's all I'm reading.

00:09:00.000 It's in fucking hundreds of articles.

00:09:02.000 It's all, Bernie Sanders says he will tell the world about aliens if he becomes president.

00:09:07.000 That's the thing that they took out of that.

00:09:09.000 Well, it's smart of him.

00:09:10.000 It feels like Trump's straws.

00:09:12.000 It's like smart.

00:09:13.000 If Bernie had said it, if Bernie had brought it up, I would have been like, that is a brilliant tactic.

00:09:17.000 But don't you think the people that believe in aliens are already going to vote for, or that are the most hung up on it?

00:09:22.000 No, no, no.

00:09:24.000 You don't think they're the same?

00:09:25.000 No, no.

00:09:27.000 I think they vary wildly.

00:09:29.000 Conspiracy theorists are left-wing, right-wing.

00:09:31.000 And the alien one is different than any other one.

00:09:33.000 And I think there's a lot more people that are alien lovers that cross both sides.

00:09:40.000 I think it's just one of those things where you want a space daily.

00:09:43.000 Like alien lovers, guys that fuck aliens.

00:09:45.000 No, no, no.

00:09:46.000 I'll only fucking aliens.

00:09:47.000 That's alien fuckers.

00:09:48.000 You're holding out for Dr. Manhattan.

00:09:50.000 Yeah.

00:09:51.000 Do people claim that?

00:09:52.000 I bet you they do.

00:09:53.000 Oh, for sure.

00:09:53.000 Do you know there's people really into Bigfoot sexually?

00:09:55.000 There's like all these novels written about Bigfoot.

00:09:58.000 It's like, just go date a tall Armenian.

00:10:00.000 No, no, no.

00:10:02.000 It's not that hard.

00:10:03.000 Go to Glendale.

00:10:04.000 They're everywhere.

00:10:05.000 Go to the Galleria.

00:10:06.000 There's Bigfoot.

00:10:08.000 This is a very localized reference.

00:10:11.000 There's Bigfoot porn.

00:10:12.000 You get it.

00:10:13.000 I do get it.

00:10:14.000 Bigfoot erotica.

00:10:15.000 Yeah.

00:10:16.000 I mean, it's like really common.

00:10:17.000 What if he had a small dick?

00:10:19.000 Bigfoot?

00:10:19.000 Like, you always hear about the really tall guys with the tiny dicks, and when I say hear about them, you hear about them.

00:10:24.000 See, look at this.

00:10:25.000 Seduced by Bigfoot.

00:10:26.000 Ooh!

00:10:27.000 And ravaged.

00:10:28.000 Look at it.

00:10:28.000 Come for Bigfoot.

00:10:29.000 Virginia Wade.

00:10:31.000 Bigfoot bitch.

00:10:31.000 Narrated by Lolita Young.

00:10:33.000 Wait a minute.

00:10:34.000 Narrated?

00:10:34.000 You mean this is an audiobook?

00:10:36.000 You know what they say.

00:10:37.000 The bigger the Bigfoot...

00:10:40.000 Bigger than...

00:10:41.000 Bear in the bones?

00:10:42.000 What is that?

00:10:42.000 I like a guy with a really hairy dick, you know?

00:10:45.000 Really?

00:10:45.000 People say, listen, people say they don't like too much hair on balls.

00:10:50.000 I say, get it all the way under the shaft.

00:10:52.000 Look at this.

00:10:53.000 Boffing Bigfoot?

00:10:55.000 What is happening?

00:10:57.000 I like that her name's Ann-El.

00:10:59.000 Oh, wait, wait, wait.

00:11:00.000 Gay Bigfoot.

00:11:01.000 Look at this.

00:11:02.000 Last row.

00:11:02.000 Ann-El probes.

00:11:03.000 What is gay Bigfoot?

00:11:04.000 Look, he's smoking his cigarette after he fucked.

00:11:06.000 Look at that.

00:11:07.000 What the fuck?

00:11:08.000 A mouthful of Sasquatch.

00:11:10.000 I feel like I've met that man.

00:11:12.000 That looks like one of the door guys at the comedy store.

00:11:15.000 That's one of the door guys that got fired.

00:11:17.000 This is a whole genre of erotica.

00:11:21.000 There's a bunch of women that write these books.

00:11:24.000 This Virginia Wade lady, she's apparently very prolific with her Bigfoot erotica.

00:11:30.000 She writes quite a few of these.

00:11:31.000 How many does she have?

00:11:32.000 Well, that was at least 13 come for Bigfoot.

00:11:35.000 Come for Bigfoot number 13. She just makes shit up.

00:11:38.000 Then, there I was, walking the dog, and the dog had a heart attack.

00:11:41.000 Next thing, Bigfoot's dick is in my mouth.

00:11:42.000 I have a good pun.

00:11:44.000 Harry and the Hummersons.

00:11:47.000 Henderson.

00:11:48.000 Don't think it out loud.

00:11:51.000 I was sounding it out.

00:11:53.000 I can't read.

00:11:54.000 Everyone leave me alone.

00:11:56.000 What did you expect me to come on in beer?

00:11:57.000 Fucking smart.

00:12:00.000 So there's at least 13 books.

00:12:02.000 I bet Virginia Wade lives in a fucking giant mansion, drives around in a roll.

00:12:06.000 It's probably a dude.

00:12:08.000 No.

00:12:09.000 I bet it's Bigfoot 5 Baby.

00:12:12.000 Come for Bigfoot Baby?

00:12:13.000 What is that?

00:12:15.000 See that one?

00:12:15.000 Come for Bigfoot.

00:12:16.000 Five.

00:12:17.000 Baby.

00:12:18.000 Why does it say baby?

00:12:19.000 See that?

00:12:19.000 Seymour.

00:12:20.000 Right hand side.

00:12:21.000 All the way to the right.

00:12:22.000 All the way to the right.

00:12:23.000 Up.

00:12:24.000 Above it.

00:12:24.000 There you go.

00:12:25.000 Bam.

00:12:25.000 What is that?

00:12:26.000 What the fuck is that?

00:12:27.000 Maybe they have a Bigfoot baby.

00:12:29.000 It looks like a come and cider one.

00:12:31.000 So she's got...

00:12:32.000 Let's find out.

00:12:34.000 Google Virginia Wade's Bigfoot.

00:12:37.000 Is that her right there?

00:12:38.000 She looks normal.

00:12:39.000 It might have been.

00:12:39.000 Is that a photo of her?

00:12:40.000 Go back.

00:12:41.000 It was a different book they were talking about.

00:12:43.000 Oh, okay.

00:12:43.000 The Boff for Bigfoot.

00:12:44.000 Is that her?

00:12:44.000 Is that Virginia Wade?

00:12:46.000 That's a normal-looking lady.

00:12:47.000 That might not be her, though.

00:12:48.000 Oh, Amazon pulls Boffed by Bigfoot romance novels from shelves.

00:12:53.000 What?

00:12:54.000 Why are they censoring Bigfoot porn?

00:12:56.000 Yeah, that is odd.

00:12:56.000 Look at the gif.

00:12:58.000 Okay, why don't...

00:13:01.000 Why didn't anyone tell me about these literary treasures?

00:13:04.000 Oh my god, I thought for a second the long but interesting read was about the book.

00:13:08.000 This is a long but interesting read.

00:13:10.000 Why are they pulling it?

00:13:12.000 Why are they pulling this?

00:13:13.000 She's a stay-at-home mother from Colorado.

00:13:15.000 Of course she is.

00:13:16.000 No real writing experience.

00:13:18.000 Of course not.

00:13:19.000 You don't even have to be good.

00:13:20.000 She spent all day waxing her nipples.

00:13:22.000 She couldn't get to come to terms with her hairy body and then she realized all she needed was to find her match.

00:13:27.000 She says, I get this crazy idea of her story.

00:13:30.000 So she sat down and wrote the entire book in an hour.

00:13:33.000 More of a novella.

00:13:34.000 There's no second draft.

00:13:37.000 That's what I love to hear from my authors.

00:13:40.000 You wrote this all in one draft.

00:13:42.000 She said just 12,000 words in a matter of weeks.

00:13:45.000 She's been considered trying to sell it to a mainstream publisher.

00:13:49.000 Instead, she went directly to Amazon's Kindle Direct Publishing, an online platform for self-publishing, 70% royalty rate for authors.

00:13:57.000 I think she sold a fuckload of those.

00:14:00.000 Yeah, it had to go viral.

00:14:01.000 Here's the line from it, if you want to...

00:14:04.000 I don't think he's monogamous.

00:14:05.000 But let's...

00:14:06.000 Bigfoot?

00:14:06.000 Nah.

00:14:07.000 So, click on that Bigfoot Insider Monster Porn Amazon Crackdown link.

00:14:10.000 So, let's find out what the fuck is going on here.

00:14:13.000 Why would they crack down on that?

00:14:15.000 Ooh, ad blocker, you son of a bitch.

00:14:18.000 Okay, what's it saying?

00:14:19.000 Yeah, this dude's so hot.

00:14:20.000 Author Virginia Wade's fiction debut follows a group of women who embark on a week-long camping trip to Mount Hood National Forest.

00:14:26.000 They are in the shadow of Oregon's highest mountains.

00:14:29.000 They're kidnapped and sexually assaulted by a mysterious woodland creature.

00:14:33.000 How confusing is this?

00:14:34.000 What the hell is that thing?

00:14:35.000 Asked one protagonist.

00:14:37.000 That's some good writing.

00:14:38.000 It's fucking Bigfoot, hiss Shelly.

00:14:40.000 He's real, for fuck's sake.

00:14:43.000 Horror filled her eyes with a huge C-dash-dash-dash.

00:14:48.000 I'm saying that says cock.

00:14:50.000 Corn.

00:14:52.000 His feet are fucked up.

00:14:54.000 His feet are fucked up.

00:15:21.000 Wow.

00:15:22.000 Okay, but why do they take them down?

00:15:24.000 This reminds me of my friend from middle school's boyfriend who was Sicilian.

00:15:28.000 He was just so hairy and he looked...

00:15:30.000 It's been downloaded more than 100,000 times.

00:15:34.000 Holy shit.

00:15:35.000 That's five bucks.

00:15:36.000 That means she made $500,000 for the Fletcher Shitten book.

00:15:39.000 For one hour of work.

00:15:41.000 Well, she made 70% of it at least.

00:15:44.000 Do you think...

00:15:44.000 I bet you the other books didn't take as long either.

00:15:48.000 Wow, during her best months, she's netting 30,000 or more in a month, writing Bigfoot jerk-off books.

00:15:54.000 Wow.

00:15:56.000 Taken by pirates.

00:15:57.000 Oh, she branched off into other genres.

00:16:00.000 It's all just getting fucked.

00:16:02.000 Taken by pirates.

00:16:03.000 Seduced by the Dark Lord.

00:16:05.000 It's like getting fucked by demons and pirates.

00:16:08.000 Hilarious.

00:16:09.000 I'm getting traumatized.

00:16:10.000 A traumatic thing is coming up for me right now.

00:16:13.000 It's weird.

00:16:13.000 Do you want to hear it?

00:16:14.000 What?

00:16:15.000 My mom wrote Romance novels when I was...

00:16:19.000 Shut the fuck up.

00:16:21.000 What kind?

00:16:21.000 Did you read them?

00:16:23.000 No, I didn't read them.

00:16:24.000 They were never published?

00:16:25.000 So it was really just a fuck journal.

00:16:28.000 You read your mom's fuck journal?

00:16:30.000 I didn't read it, but she had romance novels around, and I was really good at skimming to the sex scenes.

00:16:35.000 I knew how to flip through.

00:16:37.000 Flick my bean to it.

00:16:40.000 So, your mom wrote...

00:16:42.000 She was a part of this thing called Romance Writers of America, and she actually won awards, and then she never followed through.

00:16:48.000 So she could have published the book and probably had success.

00:16:51.000 And then she had a whole, it was like a whole suspense romance.

00:16:56.000 Selena's Revenge was what it was called.

00:16:58.000 Selena?

00:16:59.000 Like the singer?

00:17:00.000 No, but that's really funny.

00:17:01.000 She came back to fuck Bigfoot?

00:17:04.000 No, she fucks the girl who killed her.

00:17:06.000 Oh, yeah.

00:17:07.000 She's dead.

00:17:08.000 I like that lady.

00:17:09.000 That little weirdo.

00:17:10.000 I mean, I don't like her because she killed her, but she's like a real weird...

00:17:13.000 You mean the girl who killed Selena?

00:17:15.000 You know who she reminds me of?

00:17:16.000 She reminds me of...

00:17:17.000 I definitely don't like her.

00:17:19.000 But she reminds me of the little woman from...

00:17:26.000 Okay.

00:17:26.000 Can't remember.

00:17:27.000 What's it called?

00:17:29.000 David Lynch.

00:17:30.000 That show.

00:17:32.000 Which one?

00:17:33.000 Twin Peaks.

00:17:34.000 Which one?

00:17:34.000 Wasn't there a little lady in it?

00:17:35.000 I don't remember Twin Peaks very well.

00:17:38.000 But there was a little lady in it.

00:17:39.000 I only watched a few episodes back in the day.

00:17:41.000 But I just remember usually from the TV movie with Jennifer Lopez in it.

00:17:45.000 Did she play Selena?

00:17:47.000 She played Selena.

00:17:47.000 That was her big break.

00:17:48.000 She was a fly girl.

00:17:50.000 Yeah.

00:17:50.000 And then she got super hot and that big ass was exposed to us in Selena outfits.

00:17:56.000 That's interesting.

00:17:57.000 But why did that girl kill her?

00:17:58.000 She was her assistant, right?

00:18:00.000 Yeah, she was just such a big fan.

00:18:02.000 I think she was just obsessed with her.

00:18:04.000 So she killed her because she was a big fan?

00:18:06.000 People are fucking crazy.

00:18:08.000 That doesn't make sense.

00:18:09.000 She probably hated her because she made her wash her laundry and shit.

00:18:12.000 I don't know.

00:18:13.000 She was her assistant, right?

00:18:14.000 Or I think she was the head of her fan club.

00:18:16.000 Assistants get weird with people.

00:18:19.000 Did you ever hear the David Spade story?

00:18:21.000 His assistant tasered him and fucking tied him up and shit and wound up going to jail.

00:18:25.000 Yeah.

00:18:26.000 Was it a girl or a guy?

00:18:27.000 A guy.

00:18:28.000 Was he trying to fuck him?

00:18:30.000 I don't think so.

00:18:30.000 I think he just hated him.

00:18:32.000 Oh my god.

00:18:33.000 I feel like Spade would be a nice employer, but maybe not.

00:18:36.000 Maybe not.

00:18:37.000 Maybe he is now.

00:18:38.000 He's got tased and beat up.

00:18:40.000 Wow, I didn't know that.

00:18:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:18:43.000 See if you can find that story.

00:18:44.000 Spade's had some shit happen.

00:18:45.000 He got catfished.

00:18:46.000 He got catfished?

00:18:47.000 He got catfished, but he told it on the Norm MacDonald show.

00:18:50.000 Who catfished him?

00:18:52.000 Someone catfished him.

00:18:53.000 He thought he had met this model on Twitter.

00:18:55.000 LOL. And then he saw the model in real life and was like, hey, Twitter.

00:18:58.000 And she was like, what are you talking about?

00:18:58.000 He said something.

00:19:01.000 Oof.

00:19:02.000 So embarrassing.

00:19:04.000 I moved in.

00:19:05.000 Spade's cool as shit.

00:19:06.000 Here it goes.

00:19:06.000 David Spade's assistant pleads guilty to assault.

00:19:09.000 Make that larger, please.

00:19:11.000 Oh my god.

00:19:16.000 Do not hire someone named Skippy.

00:19:32.000 Audit him to stay at least 100 yards away from Spade and perform 480 hours of community service.

00:19:37.000 If somebody tased me, I want more than community service.

00:19:41.000 Yeah, that's not enough.

00:19:41.000 Because that's a threat and they tied you up and shit?

00:19:44.000 How did it end?

00:19:44.000 Wait a minute.

00:19:45.000 It says David Spade 36. What was this?

00:19:47.000 In the 20s?

00:19:48.000 2001. Shut the fuck up.

00:19:51.000 Really?

00:19:51.000 That's the beginning of the article.

00:19:53.000 2001. Okay.

00:19:55.000 Oh my god.

00:19:57.000 He tied him up.

00:19:59.000 I wonder how the story ended.

00:20:01.000 How did he get out of it?

00:20:02.000 Is he just really good with untying knots?

00:20:04.000 I get the guy, I get tired of fucking him.

00:20:08.000 I'm getting shocked.

00:20:10.000 Says he was angry in a psychotic state due to cocaine the morning of the attack.

00:20:15.000 I mean, I've done coke before.

00:20:17.000 I don't think I've been like, let me tie up my boss and taser him.

00:20:20.000 You've never done coke with David Spade.

00:20:22.000 You're right.

00:20:22.000 Or around him.

00:20:23.000 Yeah, maybe he's, you know, telling you to take the dog out and you're like, I can't do this anymore.

00:20:27.000 I can't.

00:20:28.000 I'm too hyper...

00:20:31.000 You said the co-star of the NBC sitcom Just Shoot Me and the new movie Joe Dirt said at the time that Malloy, a 30-year-old aspiring actor, was a friend who is obviously mentally troubled right now.

00:20:42.000 Wow.

00:20:43.000 And I'm more shocked by Joe Dirt as a new movie.

00:20:47.000 Yeah.

00:20:47.000 We're digging back.

00:20:49.000 2001. We are digging back.

00:20:52.000 Well, fuck.

00:20:53.000 That seems like a long time ago, but you know what doesn't seem like a long time ago?

00:20:58.000 2009. You say 2009, like, oh, that just happened.

00:21:01.000 Nope.

00:21:01.000 10 years.

00:21:02.000 A decade.

00:21:03.000 Like, 1960 to 1970 seems like forever.

00:21:06.000 70 to 80 seems like forever.

00:21:08.000 80 to 90 seems like forever.

00:21:10.000 But 2009 to 2019, for whatever fucking reason, seems real close.

00:21:16.000 Yeah.

00:21:16.000 Yeah, and it's not.

00:21:17.000 It's not.

00:21:18.000 It's not close.

00:21:19.000 Ten whole years.

00:21:20.000 Style will show you that, too.

00:21:22.000 Because I was born in 83. I'm 36, and the younger kids right now are dressing like I dressed in high school.

00:21:32.000 It's cycled back around.

00:21:33.000 They're in my styles.

00:21:35.000 Yeah, but that's then.

00:21:37.000 2009 to 2019, is there a difference in style?

00:21:40.000 Yeah.

00:21:40.000 This is coming from someone that's zero style.

00:21:42.000 Yeah, there is.

00:21:43.000 What is it?

00:21:44.000 It's...

00:21:44.000 Okay, from 2009. I would say 2009 was maybe when they started having...

00:21:51.000 I have to remember where I was in life.

00:21:56.000 I just moved to New York.

00:21:59.000 People were wearing...

00:22:00.000 I don't know.

00:22:01.000 I had lived in Santa Fe and I was drinking a lot, so I definitely...

00:22:03.000 I quit drinking in 2009. I still have never been to Santa Fe.

00:22:06.000 It's hard comedy then.

00:22:07.000 Santa Fe is supposed to be a weird place.

00:22:09.000 That's where I met Tate Fletcher.

00:22:10.000 Hello.

00:22:11.000 Caveman Coffee.

00:22:12.000 I met Tate in Santa Fe.

00:22:16.000 He used to come in with a bunch of sober dudes after a meeting.

00:22:19.000 I don't know if I'm supposed to say this, but whatever.

00:22:21.000 He's pretty open about it.

00:22:22.000 But I mean, it was the truth.

00:22:23.000 They were so annoying.

00:22:23.000 I was like a drunk.

00:22:24.000 I was wasted at this cowboy bar to wear a cowboy outfit.

00:22:28.000 You have to?

00:22:29.000 You have to.

00:22:29.000 That's your uniform.

00:22:31.000 Really?

00:22:31.000 Being a waitress is not humiliating enough.

00:22:32.000 You also have to dress.

00:22:34.000 Just have a John Deere hat on.

00:22:35.000 No, you had to wear a cowboy hat and you had to have a shirt that had yolks on it.

00:22:40.000 Oh, if you worked there.

00:22:41.000 If you worked there.

00:22:42.000 Not when you went in, yeah.

00:22:43.000 That would be crazy.

00:22:44.000 That would be crazy.

00:22:45.000 But so Tay would come in with a bunch of people and they just wouldn't order alcohol.

00:22:48.000 I mean, it was just like low sales, high maintenance.

00:22:50.000 I was like, who is this fucking guy?

00:22:52.000 He's so big and ridiculous.

00:22:54.000 And then I was talking to him.

00:22:56.000 I hadn't quit drinking until I moved out of Santa Fe, but I told him I wanted to do comedy and he made them turn the karaoke night into a comedy show for me.

00:23:03.000 Really?

00:23:04.000 Yeah, and I got to do comedy.

00:23:05.000 That's the first time you ever went up?

00:23:06.000 Yeah.

00:23:07.000 Wow.

00:23:07.000 Did you have things prepared?

00:23:09.000 Yeah.

00:23:10.000 No jokes, yeah.

00:23:11.000 Were you hammered?

00:23:12.000 Yeah.

00:23:13.000 And then I moved to New York to do comedy, and I had a little scooter, a Yamaha Zuma.

00:23:21.000 And I crashed it because I would drive drunk all the time.

00:23:23.000 That was my happy place.

00:23:24.000 Like, to this day, it really was...

00:23:25.000 Honestly, that feeling of, like, driving wasted on a scooter was the wind blowing through your hair because you're not wearing a helmet.

00:23:32.000 The thing about scooters is you don't really think you can kill anybody else.

00:23:35.000 So it's not that bad to drive drunk.

00:23:38.000 Yeah, but you can.

00:23:39.000 You can get in the way of someone else.

00:23:41.000 You can do anything.

00:23:42.000 I fucked myself up so bad.

00:23:43.000 I woke up just had blacked out completely.

00:23:46.000 My face was split open.

00:23:47.000 I had road rash all over my tits.

00:23:49.000 This was Father's Day 2000. You don't remember falling?

00:23:53.000 I just remembered little pieces.

00:23:55.000 I remember that someone helped me.

00:23:57.000 I was living at my friend's house.

00:23:59.000 I woke up at the house.

00:24:00.000 He was staying at his girlfriend's house, so I was there alone, but my chin was split open.

00:24:04.000 I'd been wearing a dress, and it looked like...

00:24:06.000 My throat had been slit.

00:24:08.000 There was just blood all the way down it.

00:24:10.000 Road rash all over my tits.

00:24:11.000 All over this side of my arms.

00:24:13.000 My knees.

00:24:14.000 I just was fucked up.

00:24:15.000 You just face planted.

00:24:16.000 Just face split open.

00:24:18.000 I just...

00:24:18.000 I went...

00:24:19.000 I peeled out and just went chin first and everything.

00:24:22.000 And then I remembered that someone who didn't...

00:24:24.000 A girl that didn't like me had helped me.

00:24:27.000 That's all I could remember.

00:24:28.000 It was someone who usually hated me.

00:24:30.000 Helped me.

00:24:31.000 Wow.

00:24:31.000 And then so I went out.

00:24:32.000 I went to the hospital.

00:24:33.000 I called my roommate.

00:24:34.000 He came back.

00:24:35.000 I went to the hospital.

00:24:37.000 I got nine stitches.

00:24:39.000 And I was still wasting.

00:24:40.000 I was still so hammered.

00:24:41.000 And the doctor kept going, were you drinking?

00:24:43.000 And I kept going, just between us?

00:24:46.000 He's like, yeah.

00:24:46.000 And I went, nope.

00:24:47.000 I'm not going to fucking jail, you motherfucker.

00:24:49.000 I was like, no, you just crashed my scooter.

00:24:50.000 It's crazy.

00:24:51.000 He didn't know that I didn't wake up to drink through the pain.

00:24:54.000 So then I got the stitches.

00:24:57.000 And I was friends with all the cops in Santa Fe because I was an alcoholic.

00:25:00.000 So that's a really good plan.

00:25:02.000 You got to befriend them so they don't arrest you.

00:25:05.000 And they had told me if they had caught me, because I ended up finding my scooter on the side of the road.

00:25:11.000 My friend drove me around.

00:25:12.000 So I found out where I had peeled out and there was like a bunch of loose gravel.

00:25:15.000 So I just peeled out on the gravel.

00:25:17.000 And the cops said that they would have arrested me for an aggravated DUI because I hurt myself.

00:25:23.000 I had injured myself.

00:25:25.000 That's what an aggravated DUI is?

00:25:28.000 That's what they said back then.

00:25:28.000 I mean, I was still wasted when they said that.

00:25:31.000 That's worse?

00:25:31.000 Have you hurt yourself?

00:25:32.000 Yeah, because I had to go to the hospital and stuff.

00:25:35.000 You would think you got a little punishment in there.

00:25:37.000 Yeah.

00:25:38.000 So then I didn't learn the lesson.

00:25:40.000 I went out drinking that night with the stitches in my face.

00:25:42.000 And my line was I would carry Neosporin around and ask guys if they wanted to rub Neosporin on my titties.

00:25:47.000 Like I almost lost a nipple.

00:25:48.000 I mean, it got so close.

00:25:50.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:25:50.000 Yeah, I looked crazy, but I was a drunk.

00:25:52.000 So I was like, woo, fun girl.

00:25:53.000 They used to call me fun girl Annie behind my back.

00:25:55.000 And I thought they were, I thought it was like a cool.

00:25:58.000 They're making fun of me.

00:26:00.000 So anyway, so then I went out that night and I saw this guy with a puppy and I started playing with the puppy.

00:26:06.000 And I was like, oh, your puppy's so cute.

00:26:08.000 And he goes, do you not remember me?

00:26:09.000 And I'm like, I've never met you before.

00:26:10.000 And he goes, last night I helped you.

00:26:13.000 You crashed your scooter.

00:26:15.000 And I was like, oh fuck.

00:26:16.000 And he's like, I ride a motorcycle so I didn't want to call the cops or anything because I know you would have gotten in trouble.

00:26:20.000 And I was like, who helped me?

00:26:22.000 And he's like, some girl.

00:26:23.000 So then my friend called me.

00:26:24.000 He's like, my boss told me.

00:26:25.000 So it was my friend's boss from this hotel that I used to get wasted at.

00:26:28.000 He was the bartender.

00:26:30.000 So she hated me because I would just go get hammered at their nice establishment.

00:26:34.000 Do you look back on those days with any fondness?

00:26:37.000 Because you're sober now.

00:26:38.000 You're all...

00:26:41.000 Clean.

00:26:41.000 Yeah, I mean, I think I have a wealth of stories.

00:26:44.000 I was a juvenile delinquent, and I had so many childhood traumas and abuses and weird things that happened.

00:26:49.000 I was running for my life in Jersey City when I was 15 from a fake modeling agent who was a 6'8 drag queen named Mahogany.

00:26:56.000 Running for my life.

00:26:57.000 Hold on.

00:26:58.000 This is a long, good story.

00:27:00.000 I just have a lot of stories.

00:27:01.000 This is not a story you can...

00:27:02.000 Brush over.

00:27:03.000 What happened?

00:27:04.000 You were 15?

00:27:05.000 So I had gone to...

00:27:07.000 Mahogany?

00:27:07.000 Mahogany, yeah.

00:27:08.000 So I had gone to John Robert Powers Modeling School, one of those fake modeling schools.

00:27:14.000 Well, you pay like 200 bucks and they make a compilation headshot?

00:27:17.000 Yeah, you go.

00:27:18.000 They give you classes in modeling.

00:27:19.000 That's a thing.

00:27:20.000 It's like you either are weird-looking alien hot and tall and skinny or...

00:27:26.000 Not.

00:27:26.000 Yeah, or you're not.

00:27:28.000 I mean, I maybe could have done commercials or something.

00:27:30.000 I was cute, but I also had very low self-esteem.

00:27:32.000 It was just such a weird thing to be doing.

00:27:37.000 And I had been a tomboy up until that point.

00:27:39.000 So I go to this modeling thing, and then we went to – paid more money to go to – Like a modeling convention.

00:27:48.000 And then they had actual modeling agencies and then they had just random people that I guess paid to be there.

00:27:54.000 So Mahogany was one of them.

00:27:55.000 And my mom's like super liberal and so she likes anything that's like a little on the fringe that she could brag about at her book club or whatever.

00:28:03.000 If that sounds like I'm angry, I'm not angry.

00:28:05.000 I've forgiven myself.

00:28:09.000 So, they ended up, they were like, we want to take your daughter for two weeks, and we'll send her out on auditions and stuff over spring break.

00:28:18.000 And we have this nice place in Jersey.

00:28:21.000 When you were 15?

00:28:21.000 Yeah.

00:28:22.000 Your mom let Mahogany take you for two weeks.

00:28:25.000 Oh, there's so many more stories, Joe.

00:28:27.000 Jesus fucking Christ.

00:28:28.000 Yeah, no, there was...

00:28:29.000 My mother did not have anything bad happen to her when she was growing up.

00:28:32.000 She was adopted by a very nice family, and she went to a nice boarding school and stuff.

00:28:36.000 And nothing happened to her.

00:28:38.000 Did she read the newspaper?

00:28:40.000 She didn't read the newspaper, I don't think much.

00:28:42.000 So, she...

00:28:43.000 It just...

00:28:44.000 She didn't...

00:28:44.000 She wasn't aware.

00:28:46.000 So, anyway, so then...

00:28:47.000 Okay, so I was...

00:28:50.000 I went to this place in Jersey City.

00:28:52.000 And Jersey City, I don't know how it is now, but it was fucking crazy back then.

00:28:56.000 It's still fucking crazy.

00:28:57.000 It was fucking crazy.

00:28:59.000 So we were in this one little condo, and it was mahogany, and then there was some other people that were there.

00:29:07.000 None of us were really that...

00:29:08.000 I mean, I probably was the hottest, but I was pretty...

00:29:11.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:29:12.000 I think I was cute, but I don't think I was like a...

00:29:15.000 I don't think I was a model.

00:29:17.000 I don't think that was my future.

00:29:18.000 Maybe I could have done something.

00:29:23.000 The only person that I had really bonded with was this 23-year-old guy, Chris, who was this black guy from...

00:29:28.000 I don't know where he was from, but he was really cool.

00:29:30.000 He was really nice.

00:29:31.000 And he was a little creepy.

00:29:33.000 He would say things like, if I was your age, but he never was trying to fuck me or anything.

00:29:37.000 But he kind of was protecting me.

00:29:39.000 And at some point, Mahogany got mad.

00:29:40.000 And it was fake.

00:29:42.000 He would make me go buy him weed on the corner and stuff.

00:29:44.000 It was just a fake thing.

00:29:46.000 My parents paid like $1,500 to send me to this thing.

00:29:49.000 And I think he sent me out to be a...

00:29:52.000 I had to go into New York by myself on the train at 15, wearing the sluttiest clothes ever to this thing.

00:29:59.000 And then he would tell me, pretend you're lying, say you're 21, to be an extra on sex in the city and stuff.

00:30:06.000 It just wasn't real.

00:30:07.000 There was nothing real about it.

00:30:07.000 It was a total scam.

00:30:08.000 So I was starting to catch on to that, and I was supposed to be there for maybe 10 days, I think.

00:30:13.000 And these next-door neighbors, Shorty, this little Puerto Rican lady, I don't know.

00:30:17.000 She was a guy.

00:30:18.000 I smoked blunts with her.

00:30:20.000 So this guy, Chris, was kind of protecting me and he would go into the city with me and then all of a sudden, Mahogany didn't like how close we were so he separated us and he said, you can't see each other anymore.

00:30:29.000 And I was like, well, I don't feel safe if I can't talk to this guy.

00:30:31.000 I just would rather go home.

00:30:32.000 I want to call my parents.

00:30:33.000 I don't think this is real.

00:30:34.000 This seems like bullshit and a scam.

00:30:36.000 And he was like, you can't talk to your parents and he locked the door and took the phone away from me.

00:30:42.000 So I packed all my shit up and I threw it out the window and And I yelled down to Shorty.

00:30:46.000 I was like, yo, I'm going to run.

00:30:48.000 So grab my shit.

00:30:49.000 And then one of the other kids that was staying at the modeling place knew the situation.

00:30:54.000 So he went down and bumped into the door, unlocked it without him noticing and distracted him.

00:30:58.000 And I just jetted out of the fucking house.

00:31:01.000 And he started chasing me.

00:31:02.000 I was like screaming.

00:31:03.000 I was like, call the cops.

00:31:04.000 Help me.

00:31:04.000 And I was wearing a tube top.

00:31:06.000 My like 15 year old titties.

00:31:07.000 I had nipple rings were like hanging.

00:31:08.000 I mean, I looked like a prostitute.

00:31:10.000 The cops ended up coming and they thought I was a prostitute.

00:31:12.000 Mahogany got me at one point.

00:31:13.000 I was hiding under cars for my life.

00:31:15.000 I thought I was going to get killed.

00:31:17.000 I was screaming.

00:31:18.000 People were just watering their plants like, what the fuck?

00:31:20.000 You were hiding under cars?

00:31:22.000 Yeah, because he was chasing me.

00:31:23.000 So I was trying to hide.

00:31:24.000 And he finally got me.

00:31:25.000 He was like, get in the house.

00:31:26.000 You're ruining my scam, pretty much.

00:31:28.000 And then he scratched my arm, but that's all.

00:31:30.000 And then the cops came and arrested both of us.

00:31:32.000 Thought he was my pimp.

00:31:33.000 Thought I was a prostitute.

00:31:35.000 I come from like an upper middle class family.

00:31:38.000 What did your mom say when you came home?

00:31:39.000 Well, they came to the cops and then the cops told them that they should arrest my parents.

00:31:45.000 Yeah.

00:31:45.000 They're like, we should...

00:31:46.000 And I think they just were in denial about it or whatever.

00:31:48.000 They should arrest them for a day, at least.

00:31:51.000 Yeah, they didn't.

00:31:52.000 And then more stuff happened after that.

00:31:54.000 What?

00:31:54.000 They made more mistakes?

00:31:56.000 Yeah.

00:31:57.000 But it's okay.

00:31:58.000 We all make mistakes.

00:31:59.000 I love my family.

00:32:00.000 They're good now.

00:32:01.000 But I also look at all these things...

00:32:04.000 No, I really have had to do a lot of work on it because...

00:32:07.000 To forgive them?

00:32:08.000 Yeah, because...

00:32:08.000 Well, I blame myself for all of it, for most of it, which was my defense mechanism.

00:32:12.000 I had some stuff happen with a teacher in high school, too.

00:32:15.000 Right after that, actually.

00:32:16.000 It was about six months after that happened.

00:32:19.000 And, you know...

00:32:20.000 Is this a therapy session?

00:32:22.000 I don't want to do a therapy session.

00:32:24.000 I don't want to do that.

00:32:25.000 But anyway, you had asked me about, am I happy about these things?

00:32:28.000 Yeah, because it's a wild life.

00:32:30.000 But the point that I'm coming to is I am happy with them.

00:32:32.000 I'm so happy with where my life is now that I can't be mad about any of these other things.

00:32:38.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:32:39.000 They're exciting, and now they're funny because I didn't get hurt.

00:32:42.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:32:43.000 Like, looking back on the wild, drunken days.

00:32:46.000 Yeah, it's fucking hilarious.

00:32:46.000 Yeah, there's some...

00:32:47.000 I did crazy shit.

00:32:48.000 There's some romance to it if you survived.

00:32:50.000 I flashed a chain gang once on my motor scooter, and then it didn't start, and I had to, like, put my shirt down and keep walking.

00:32:56.000 Like, it's hilarious.

00:32:57.000 I did crazy shit.

00:32:58.000 And I came out, like, genuinely, I feel good, you know?

00:33:01.000 I'm happy with my life.

00:33:03.000 So it's good.

00:33:04.000 Thank you for getting me off of that path, by the way.

00:33:07.000 Well, it's just...

00:33:09.000 Everyone that I know that's funny is fucked up and had something go wrong.

00:33:15.000 It's like how you get through it and then your insight once you get on the other end.

00:33:20.000 You persevere and then you don't blame people.

00:33:22.000 You don't go around being mad at the world.

00:33:24.000 I think it's easier to be...

00:33:30.000 I don't know.

00:33:30.000 Well, some of the most hilarious people did blame people.

00:33:33.000 Yeah, I guess that's true.

00:33:34.000 Like Kinnison.

00:33:34.000 Yeah.

00:33:35.000 Kinnison was always, you know, screaming about his ex-wives.

00:33:37.000 Yeah.

00:33:38.000 You know?

00:33:39.000 That's true.

00:33:39.000 That's funny, too.

00:33:40.000 I just, for my own personal sanity, cannot run around angry at everyone.

00:33:44.000 Well, you don't need to be.

00:33:46.000 I mean, it's not necessary.

00:33:46.000 And especially now that you're sober, which obviously Kinnison never got.

00:33:51.000 Were you friends with him?

00:33:53.000 No, no, never, no.

00:33:54.000 Never met him.

00:33:55.000 Saw him.

00:33:56.000 Saw him live a few times.

00:33:57.000 Once at work, once when I was working.

00:34:00.000 I was working at Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts.

00:34:04.000 Oh, cool.

00:34:05.000 It's like an amphitheater in Mansfield, Massachusetts.

00:34:09.000 What were you doing?

00:34:09.000 Selling funnel cakes?

00:34:11.000 No, security.

00:34:12.000 Oh, cool.

00:34:13.000 Yeah.

00:34:13.000 And I got to see Cosby there, Rodney Dangerfield.

00:34:16.000 Got to see a few people.

00:34:18.000 Did you want to do comedy yet?

00:34:20.000 I was 19. I probably had thought about it a little bit, you know, maybe.

00:34:25.000 Maybe it had been in my head like slightly, but I didn't really start thinking about it until I was like 20. Did you feel embarrassed?

00:34:33.000 When you had that thought at first?

00:34:35.000 Of doing comedy?

00:34:35.000 Yeah.

00:34:36.000 No, but I did feel like it was preposterous.

00:34:40.000 I did feel like, look, it's such a difficult way to make it.

00:34:45.000 Like, I remember my girlfriend, when I was 21, her dad was mocking this idea that I was going to be a comedian.

00:34:53.000 Like, I remember him saying- Smart guy!

00:34:56.000 The odds were not in your favor.

00:34:58.000 No, they're not in anybody's favor.

00:35:00.000 But I remember that's what he was saying.

00:35:02.000 Who makes it?

00:35:04.000 How many people make it as a comedian?

00:35:05.000 And even if you do make it, how much money do you make?

00:35:07.000 He was a doctor.

00:35:08.000 That's so funny.

00:35:09.000 He was really angry.

00:35:11.000 He just felt like I was a waste of his daughter's time.

00:35:13.000 It was really funny.

00:35:14.000 Is he still alive?

00:35:16.000 Let's get him on the podcast.

00:35:17.000 I have no idea.

00:35:17.000 He's probably not.

00:35:19.000 Doctors don't live that long, a lot of them.

00:35:21.000 My doctor died.

00:35:22.000 It was sad when he died.

00:35:24.000 I was like, I trusted you.

00:35:25.000 Well, there's a great book called Dead Doctors Don't Lie by this guy Joel Wallach.

00:35:29.000 And a lot of it has to do with nutrition.

00:35:31.000 And it's about mineral deficiencies and vitamin deficiencies and doctors who abuse drugs.

00:35:37.000 And it's essentially talking about how people rely on doctors for advice about health.

00:35:42.000 When in reality, doctors are good at very specific things.

00:35:45.000 Like if you're a podiatrist, you're good at fixing feet.

00:35:47.000 If you're an orthopedic surgeon, you're good at knees and shoulders and shit.

00:35:50.000 But you probably don't know a fuckload about nutrition.

00:35:53.000 And you really don't understand the mechanisms of your body's absorption of nutrients and minerals and vitamins.

00:35:59.000 And one of the things that I've learned from doing this podcast is to understand that.

00:36:02.000 Even the cursory understanding of it that I have, you have to go through fucking hours and hours and hours of reading and watching documentaries and listening to experts, and I still have to go back over and over and over again.

00:36:16.000 So I've talked to doctors before, and they've been super dismissive about even taking vitamins.

00:36:21.000 And I get angry at them.

00:36:23.000 I'm like, well, I think all you need is a balanced diet.

00:36:25.000 I'm like, well, you're retarded.

00:36:26.000 Like, what are you talking about?

00:36:28.000 And by that way, I don't mean someone with Down syndrome.

00:36:30.000 I mean, that is a retarded way.

00:36:33.000 In slowdown, you have a diminished capacity for advancement.

00:36:39.000 You're slowing down the reality of the progress of nutritional science.

00:36:44.000 This is a stupid thing you're doing right now.

00:36:46.000 You're giving me bad advice.

00:36:47.000 You really don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

00:36:49.000 I get angry.

00:36:50.000 I'm like, why would you say that?

00:36:52.000 Don't tell me that there's no benefit to taking vitamins when there's a fuck It's a fucking ass load of studies and there's data and science and it's all provable.

00:37:01.000 People spend thousands of hours researching this stuff and trying to figure out what the fuck is good for you and what's not good for you and some chubby asshole with a fucking skinny fat body is telling me that all you need is a balanced diet.

00:37:13.000 I'm like, bitch, what's your diet like?

00:37:15.000 You ain't got a balanced diet.

00:37:16.000 And do you think that they're just doing that because they don't get money out of the vitamins?

00:37:21.000 No.

00:37:21.000 They just don't feel like reading up on the new stuff.

00:37:24.000 But they haven't decided to pursue it.

00:37:26.000 That's all it is.

00:37:27.000 And if they did pursue it, they'd realize it's a fucking bottomless pit of information.

00:37:31.000 Yeah.

00:37:32.000 From essential fatty acids to different kinds of proteins and absorption of plant-based proteins versus animal-based proteins.

00:37:38.000 What's the benefit of grass-fed beef over regular beef?

00:37:41.000 It's a fucking endless stream of information.

00:37:43.000 I mean, if you follow someone like Dr. Rhonda Patrick, you realize really quickly that she is in the heart of this shit 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and she's still learning things.

00:37:52.000 It never ends.

00:37:53.000 It never ends.

00:37:54.000 And also, it varies.

00:37:56.000 What's good for you is not necessarily good for me.

00:37:58.000 Your diet might not be as effective as my diet.

00:38:02.000 I only eat elk.

00:38:02.000 Is that bad?

00:38:03.000 That's good.

00:38:04.000 That's good for everybody.

00:38:05.000 All I eat is elk all day.

00:38:06.000 It'll turn you into a fucking savage.

00:38:08.000 Some fucking elk, dude.

00:38:10.000 I'm gonna give you some.

00:38:11.000 I got some waiting for you.

00:38:12.000 A fanny pack and some goddamn elk.

00:38:14.000 That's why I'm on here.

00:38:15.000 What kind of a cooking setup do you have at your place?

00:38:18.000 I just have just a stove with...

00:38:20.000 Do you have a frying pan, like a cast iron frying pan?

00:38:22.000 Yeah, I do.

00:38:22.000 Do you know how to cook?

00:38:23.000 Are you a good cook?

00:38:24.000 I'm alright.

00:38:24.000 Decent?

00:38:25.000 Okay.

00:38:25.000 I'm decent.

00:38:26.000 I'll hook you up with some elk sausage.

00:38:27.000 We'll start with that.

00:38:28.000 I'll give you a recipe, how to cook it correctly.

00:38:30.000 Do you have a thermometer?

00:38:31.000 I'm really into Bigfoot porn.

00:38:35.000 Can you not say elk sausage in front of me?

00:38:39.000 I don't have a meat thermometer.

00:38:41.000 No?

00:38:41.000 Well, that's good for elk sausage.

00:38:43.000 It's fine.

00:38:43.000 You'll get a sense of when it's good.

00:38:45.000 I can't believe you want, want, want me.

00:38:48.000 Because I didn't get to it quick enough.

00:38:49.000 Well, you were talking about elk sausage, bro.

00:38:52.000 I'm sorry I'm insulting your...

00:38:53.000 No, it's just Bigfoot dick elk sausage.

00:38:56.000 I don't know why I wouldn't draw those two.

00:38:59.000 I wouldn't pull those together.

00:39:01.000 Why you wouldn't?

00:39:02.000 Yeah, why would I not have?

00:39:03.000 One of them is an undulate, the other one is a legendary primate.

00:39:06.000 Oh my god.

00:39:09.000 You're really getting stuck on semantics here.

00:39:12.000 Listen, you're the one who cracked the joke.

00:39:14.000 Let me just make some fucking jokes.

00:39:15.000 I just got accused of doing a therapy session and now I'm telling jokes.

00:39:20.000 I'm feeling triggered.

00:39:22.000 Are you feeling judged?

00:39:23.000 No.

00:39:24.000 No, but I'm not feeling judged.

00:39:27.000 But everybody that I know that has had those wild, drunken days that has come out on the other side, there's something nostalgic about it.

00:39:35.000 You look back and you go, huh, I made it through that.

00:39:39.000 Have you been to an AA meeting?

00:39:40.000 It's like the good old times in AA. I always felt like people were either telling these stories that were so insane and I was like, I'm not an alcoholic.

00:39:49.000 Or they were like, I was like, that's pussy shit.

00:39:51.000 Get out of here.

00:39:53.000 You're not even cool enough to be here.

00:39:54.000 Like Celebrity Rehab, right?

00:39:56.000 Did you ever watch that show?

00:39:57.000 Uh-uh.

00:39:58.000 One of the best parts about it was Eric Roberts, you know, Julia Roberts' brother who's been in a bunch of movies.

00:40:02.000 He was there for weed addiction.

00:40:05.000 Yeah.

00:40:06.000 And everybody else is having the fucking DTs.

00:40:08.000 They're on the floor in the fetal position shaking.

00:40:10.000 He's reading the paper.

00:40:11.000 He's losing weight.

00:40:12.000 He's getting his shit done.

00:40:14.000 He's on a treadmill.

00:40:15.000 It was so ridiculous.

00:40:17.000 Some people, you know, their stories are a joke.

00:40:20.000 I did quit smoking weed and it did make things a lot easier.

00:40:24.000 Like laundry, just little things.

00:40:25.000 I was like, oh, that was maybe making things.

00:40:27.000 I would always smoke weed before I would clean my apartment and that was like seven years to get my apartment clean.

00:40:31.000 Yeah, it can get distracting.

00:40:33.000 It does not affect me well.

00:40:35.000 Yeah, well, when I do things like if I want to clean my office, I just have the thing.

00:40:40.000 Like, this is what we're doing now.

00:40:42.000 Adderall.

00:40:43.000 Even listening to music is not good.

00:40:45.000 Oh, yeah.

00:40:45.000 I used to listen to podcasts while I cleaned my office, but then I find that I would be pausing and listening to a particular part, and then I'd want to rewind it.

00:40:53.000 I'm like, oh, I'm fucking with myself here.

00:40:54.000 I'm distracting myself.

00:40:55.000 And then that's a weird defense mechanism too because I do that all the time too.

00:40:58.000 I'm always multitasking and I always have to be doing three things at once.

00:41:02.000 It's like, why?

00:41:03.000 Yeah.

00:41:03.000 Because it's going to make me, I'm going to slow down so much I might have to like deal with my own shit.

00:41:07.000 Yeah.

00:41:08.000 So like writing too, like sometimes I write listening to music, but most of the time it's better without music.

00:41:14.000 With lyrics?

00:41:15.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:41:17.000 Sometimes lyrics and sometimes foreign music.

00:41:19.000 I like foreign music because I don't know what they're saying.

00:41:21.000 What kind?

00:41:22.000 Brazilian.

00:41:22.000 I like a lot of Brazilian music.

00:41:24.000 I like a lot of Spanish music.

00:41:25.000 Some Bollywood or what?

00:41:26.000 I listen to some of that.

00:41:27.000 Alright.

00:41:28.000 You know Dollar Mende?

00:41:28.000 Do you know who Dollar Mende is?

00:41:30.000 No?

00:41:31.000 You don't know Dollar Mende?

00:41:32.000 Oh, he's amazing.

00:41:33.000 It's really cool.

00:41:34.000 I just listen to a lot of Elton John.

00:41:37.000 That's what I'm into right now.

00:41:38.000 That's why I like to wear all my crazy things too.

00:41:40.000 I like to Elton John that shit.

00:41:42.000 I'll play you some Dollar Mende.

00:41:43.000 I'll play it on my phone.

00:41:44.000 You think we get banned?

00:41:45.000 Yeah, 100%.

00:41:46.000 100%?

00:41:47.000 Why?

00:41:47.000 It's gotten before.

00:41:48.000 Even if we haven't in the distance?

00:41:50.000 Oh, because you can't?

00:41:50.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:41:51.000 How do you spell his name?

00:41:52.000 D-A... There it is.

00:41:54.000 Dollar Mending.

00:41:56.000 Um...

00:41:59.000 What does this say?

00:42:00.000 The song is not currently available in your country or region.

00:42:03.000 Oh my god, I love it.

00:42:04.000 Now I'm really into it.

00:42:05.000 I fucking bought it.

00:42:06.000 I want that shit.

00:42:07.000 What is that?

00:42:08.000 Oh, here it goes.

00:42:12.000 We can't hear it.

00:42:16.000 We can't hear it.

00:42:17.000 We can't hear it.

00:42:18.000 We can't hear it.

00:42:19.000 That's actually a woman getting fucked by Bigfoot.

00:42:21.000 Even the guy yelling?

00:42:22.000 Yes.

00:42:23.000 Wow.

00:42:23.000 Okay.

00:42:24.000 Welcome to the wonderful world of the internet.

00:42:29.000 Anyway, I like Dollar Mendy.

00:42:31.000 It sounds cool.

00:42:32.000 Is his name Dollar?

00:42:33.000 D-A-H... Hold on.

00:42:35.000 I would like it better if it was the Dollar symbol.

00:42:38.000 D-A-L-E-R-M-E-H-N-D-I. But I think he got arrested for human trafficking.

00:42:45.000 But can you still like his work?

00:42:47.000 That's a problem.

00:42:49.000 I was at...

00:42:50.000 Dave Chappelle and I did some shows the other day.

00:42:51.000 Oh, yeah.

00:42:52.000 We had a DJ, and the DJ was playing all this Michael Jackson music.

00:42:57.000 And he is so good.

00:43:00.000 Yeah, he's great.

00:43:02.000 Even though he's a fucking pedophile, allegedly, most likely, pretty probably, definitely did something wrong.

00:43:09.000 Yeah.

00:43:10.000 Even though it's still fucking great.

00:43:13.000 Yeah, but also he's dead.

00:43:15.000 Yeah.

00:43:16.000 So if you don't listen to his music, you're punishing.

00:43:19.000 What are you punishing?

00:43:20.000 The man's dead.

00:43:22.000 Right, but even if he wasn't dead, like if Ted Bundy had some great poetry, would you want to read it?

00:43:28.000 Would you enjoy it?

00:43:32.000 No.

00:43:32.000 I don't know.

00:43:33.000 Probably not.

00:43:34.000 Yeah.

00:43:34.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:43:35.000 I really don't know what Michael Jackson did.

00:43:38.000 I don't know.

00:43:39.000 And I don't think anybody does other than the people that he did it to.

00:43:42.000 Yeah.

00:43:42.000 But there's a lot of fucking weirdness to it, for sure.

00:43:45.000 Yeah.

00:43:45.000 Holding hands with little boys and...

00:43:47.000 I know.

00:43:48.000 It's really uncomfortable.

00:43:48.000 It's just like inappropriate boundaries and that's enough to like molest a kid.

00:43:52.000 Honestly, just having that inappropriate blurred thing between kids and grown-ups, it's not good.

00:43:57.000 Yeah, you hold hands with your nieces and nephews and that makes sense.

00:44:02.000 Your children, that makes sense.

00:44:04.000 But if you're a 55-year-old man and you're holding hands with an 11-year-old boy in Dubai...

00:44:08.000 Yeah, that's weird.

00:44:09.000 I gotta get suspicious.

00:44:11.000 Yeah, I gotta question whether I'm gonna enjoy this song that I'm enjoying right now.

00:44:15.000 Wow.

00:44:18.000 But it was so good.

00:44:19.000 I was listening to the music, and I was like, God damn, this guy was amazing.

00:44:22.000 He was so exceptional.

00:44:23.000 But there's no way he wasn't molested.

00:44:25.000 I mean, doesn't he seem so molested?

00:44:28.000 Well, in the interest of beating a fucking dead horse, I have talked about this many times in the podcast, where I think that he was a castrato.

00:44:38.000 Which is someone who was castrated when he was very young to preserve his high-pitched voice.

00:44:45.000 Then his doctor, the same doctor that killed him, came out later, this is long after I had predicted this, and said that he was chemically castrated to preserve his voice.

00:44:54.000 So he confirmed what I was saying.

00:44:57.000 Now whether this doctor is telling the truth or not...

00:44:58.000 So with castration are you not able to get a boner?

00:45:01.000 I don't believe so.

00:45:02.000 Oh my god, so he maybe wasn't molesting them, but he was just...

00:45:05.000 He could have been just being weird with them.

00:45:07.000 I don't know.

00:45:07.000 Maybe he didn't do anything with them.

00:45:09.000 Maybe he just wanted to be a child.

00:45:10.000 Maybe his childhood was stripped from him because he was famous from the time he was five fucking years old and his father did something to him.

00:45:17.000 Yeah, it definitely was a weird life.

00:45:18.000 According to the doctor, his father did something to him.

00:45:22.000 Chemical castration is what they do to pedophiles.

00:45:25.000 They'll do it to pedophiles so that they can never get erections and it basically stops your body's production of testosterone and kills your testes.

00:45:32.000 And they do it with some chemical injection and apparently According to the doctor, that's what they did to Michael Jackson, which you think about his voice, it makes sense.

00:45:42.000 Yeah.

00:45:43.000 Because his voice was insane.

00:45:44.000 Yeah, it was so high.

00:45:45.000 It was so high pitched.

00:45:46.000 And if you listen to, like, castratos, there's only a few recordings of actual castratos, but it was a common practice.

00:45:54.000 Not common, it wasn't like everybody did it, but it was a practice that was done.

00:45:58.000 To young boys to preserve their high-pitched voice.

00:46:01.000 Well, they would fucking castrate them.

00:46:02.000 What a word!

00:46:03.000 Horrible!

00:46:04.000 Castrata.

00:46:05.000 But they did it.

00:46:06.000 I mean, people would let their children get their balls chopped off so they could sing good.

00:46:11.000 And it would be very valuable to them.

00:46:13.000 How long ago was that?

00:46:15.000 Well, there's a recording.

00:46:17.000 So the recording, I don't think they had recordings until like the late 1800s.

00:46:22.000 I don't believe.

00:46:24.000 There was a lot of dance back in the day.

00:46:26.000 A lot of boys dancing for kings.

00:46:27.000 When was that last one?

00:46:28.000 It was 1922. 1922 was the last castrato recording?

00:46:32.000 And how old was that dude?

00:46:34.000 So he was probably born in the 1800s or something?

00:46:39.000 He died in that same year, so I don't know.

00:46:46.000 He died never nutting, but always beautiful singing.

00:46:50.000 He had the voice of an angel.

00:46:52.000 We can't play that either, right?

00:46:54.000 No, you should listen to it, though.

00:46:55.000 That sounds so upsetting to listen to.

00:46:58.000 It is upsetting.

00:46:59.000 It's haunting.

00:46:59.000 Yeah, you can't enjoy that.

00:47:01.000 Yeah, I played it for a friend of mine the other night, and he was like, what?

00:47:04.000 And I was like, look, you've got to listen to this.

00:47:05.000 And I played it, and he was like, is that fucking real?

00:47:07.000 And he's like, it sounds like someone did something to someone.

00:47:11.000 Maybe people should jerk off to it in honor of the man.

00:47:15.000 He was 63 when he died in 1922. He was born in 1958, and those recordings were done in 1902 to 1904, so that makes him...

00:47:25.000 40s?

00:47:25.000 Yeah, he was in his 40s when he was recording those.

00:47:28.000 You said 1958?

00:47:29.000 You mean he was born in 1858?

00:47:30.000 1858 is when he was born, I'm sorry, yeah.

00:47:32.000 And died in 1922. Wow.

00:47:34.000 Yeah, the whole thing's dark.

00:47:36.000 The look you gave me during my circle jerk idea was red.

00:47:42.000 What look did I give you?

00:47:43.000 You gave me a, come on, bitch, circle jerk for the...

00:47:47.000 I was saying, if he couldn't come...

00:47:50.000 Are you projecting?

00:47:52.000 Listen, I know this is uncomfortable for you and you're nervous to be here, but I'm your friend and I love you and I want you to be happy.

00:47:58.000 You want me to be happy?

00:47:59.000 Yes.

00:47:59.000 I know, you are so nice.

00:48:00.000 I'm not looking to trip you up.

00:48:01.000 The king.

00:48:01.000 Come on.

00:48:02.000 The king.

00:48:03.000 You know I love you.

00:48:04.000 I know, I love you too.

00:48:05.000 Thank you so much for having me.

00:48:07.000 I really do appreciate it.

00:48:08.000 I am trying to be chill.

00:48:10.000 It's just like a cool...

00:48:11.000 Are you weirded out by this?

00:48:12.000 By being here?

00:48:13.000 I'm not weirded out.

00:48:14.000 I'm trying to be in the moment.

00:48:15.000 I like to be funny impulsively.

00:48:16.000 It's my impulse to always tell jokes and stuff.

00:48:19.000 And this is a more chill, less jokey...

00:48:22.000 You can be jokey.

00:48:25.000 Okay, now there's pressure to be jokey.

00:48:28.000 You're overthinking this shit too much.

00:48:30.000 I'm not overthinking anything.

00:48:31.000 I'm being chill and normal.

00:48:32.000 Everyone relax.

00:48:33.000 You have two cups of coffee.

00:48:34.000 I have two cups of coffee.

00:48:35.000 One's calling me a cunt.

00:48:37.000 What is one of them?

00:48:38.000 One of them is Caveman.

00:48:39.000 What's the other one?

00:48:40.000 This is Caveman and this is a cunt mug.

00:48:42.000 I got it for my dad and I got one for myself too.

00:48:44.000 You got it for your dad?

00:48:45.000 Yeah, it's a joke.

00:48:46.000 Well, my dad and I, it also looks like it says aunt.

00:48:49.000 We one time...

00:48:51.000 We went to...

00:48:52.000 We were at the post office.

00:48:54.000 My dad's very funny.

00:48:56.000 He reminds me of Catty Daddy, actually.

00:48:58.000 Oh, really?

00:48:59.000 By the way, that fucking thing is hilarious that you guys are doing.

00:49:02.000 I don't know.

00:49:02.000 Are you doing more of those?

00:49:03.000 Yeah, we recorded one and then it just wasn't funny.

00:49:08.000 It wasn't...

00:49:08.000 We have to rethink it.

00:49:10.000 Mm-hmm.

00:49:11.000 Don't want to put out...

00:49:11.000 We don't want to disappoint with...

00:49:13.000 But the one you did do...

00:49:14.000 The one you did put out was hilarious.

00:49:15.000 Yeah, that was fun.

00:49:17.000 Yeah.

00:49:17.000 He's so funny.

00:49:18.000 He's hilarious.

00:49:19.000 But...

00:49:20.000 So my dad and I were at the post office and mailing something out and I was taking a while to mail something out.

00:49:26.000 And we're just jokingly antagonistic.

00:49:29.000 My dad's like, come on.

00:49:30.000 I was like, dad, leave me alone.

00:49:31.000 I'm not done.

00:49:32.000 We're just joking with each other.

00:49:33.000 And this old woman who's been observing, she goes to leave and then she just pivots before she leaves and turns around and she goes...

00:49:40.000 She goes, you know what, young lady?

00:49:41.000 You're a real itch.

00:49:43.000 An itch?

00:49:44.000 An itch.

00:49:45.000 And my dad goes, I think you mean an unt, which is fucking one of our best stories.

00:49:50.000 My daddy's funny.

00:49:51.000 So she doesn't realize you're just joking around?

00:49:53.000 She didn't get, we were just joking.

00:49:54.000 She was like, oh, you're being so, and it's like, get over it.

00:49:57.000 Did you tell her, hey, this is my dad, we're just joking around?

00:49:59.000 No, my dad said she's an aunt and we laughed.

00:50:01.000 So I think she got it.

00:50:02.000 And then she left?

00:50:03.000 Yeah.

00:50:03.000 Well, she was leaving when he said it, yeah, and we just were like crying.

00:50:06.000 The fact that someone needs to stop you and put you in your place.

00:50:11.000 Yeah, it's just so silly.

00:50:12.000 But it's like, she was old.

00:50:13.000 What does she know?

00:50:14.000 Ah!

00:50:14.000 I'm sure I'm just going to try really hard to not be one of those old people.

00:50:18.000 What do you think you're going to be like as an old lady?

00:50:19.000 I think I'm going to peak.

00:50:20.000 I'm excited.

00:50:22.000 I'm trying really hard to...

00:50:25.000 Be in the moment and appreciate each new age and not get anything in my face or do anything like that.

00:50:31.000 Get anything in your face?

00:50:32.000 Well, you know, except cum shots, obviously.

00:50:34.000 No, I mean like, you know.

00:50:36.000 Oh, you mean like filler?

00:50:37.000 Yeah, try not to do anything too crazy.

00:50:40.000 It's just, it's fighting an inevitable thing and I think it's a gift to age, you know.

00:50:44.000 We get to be different every day.

00:50:46.000 My mom worked at this organization called Gray Panthers.

00:50:52.000 Gray Panthers?

00:50:53.000 Yeah, it was for old people.

00:50:54.000 Old people that like to fuck?

00:50:55.000 Old people that like to fuck.

00:50:56.000 I mean, I'm sure they like to fuck.

00:50:57.000 But Maggie Coon was the woman's name.

00:51:00.000 I know there's a little bit of a parallel between Gray Panthers, Black Panthers.

00:51:06.000 Her last name is Coon.

00:51:07.000 But it was spelled differently.

00:51:10.000 It was in Philadelphia.

00:51:13.000 She died when she was 90 years old.

00:51:16.000 Maybe 89, but we used to hang out with her all the time.

00:51:17.000 And she had dated, famously dated, like a 40-year-old, I think in her 80s or something.

00:51:22.000 Hollow.

00:51:22.000 So I think she was fucking.

00:51:23.000 Was she pegging him?

00:51:24.000 She might have been pegging him.

00:51:25.000 I don't know if she could peg at that point.

00:51:27.000 She had a lot of hats and a lot of cats.

00:51:28.000 She just lays down.

00:51:30.000 He can peg himself.

00:51:31.000 Oh, he can peg himself.

00:51:32.000 Yeah.

00:51:33.000 Do you remember Elizabeth Taylor?

00:51:35.000 She married a series of gay guys before she died.

00:51:38.000 Oh, yeah.

00:51:39.000 Yeah.

00:51:40.000 I think that happens to really pretty old ladies.

00:51:42.000 Well, they just want a man to tell them they're beautiful.

00:51:45.000 I've been just showered with compliments by gay men.

00:51:47.000 Yeah, I think they go through menopause, too, and they probably give up on the idea of sex.

00:51:52.000 Yeah.

00:51:52.000 They just want pretty men around them.

00:51:54.000 Yeah.

00:51:55.000 I mean, not that her gays were that pretty.

00:51:57.000 I've had prettier gays.

00:51:58.000 I've definitely been the last puss for a couple guys.

00:52:01.000 The last post before gay?

00:52:03.000 Yeah, where I'm like...

00:52:04.000 And then one guy got married and shit.

00:52:06.000 I was sure it was his last.

00:52:09.000 Listen, just because he got married doesn't mean he's not good.

00:52:11.000 Yeah, that's a good point.

00:52:11.000 I know a dude who's super married.

00:52:13.000 Gay men would reach out to him.

00:52:15.000 They would try to touch him.

00:52:16.000 He was always wearing a suit.

00:52:17.000 We lived in Santa Fe.

00:52:17.000 I'm like, why are you wearing a suit?

00:52:18.000 They'd slap their hands away.

00:52:20.000 I'm like, not until he comes out.

00:52:21.000 He's mine.

00:52:22.000 I knew.

00:52:23.000 I mean, I was like, there's no way.

00:52:24.000 He used to always want to have, like, threesomes with other guys.

00:52:27.000 Oh, boy.

00:52:27.000 I remember we invited my one friend in.

00:52:29.000 We were just drinking so much.

00:52:30.000 We called Jack Daniels OJ, so we didn't feel weird.

00:52:35.000 And we're like, pass the OJ. We're just, like, fucking shit-faced all the time.

00:52:39.000 Chugging.

00:52:39.000 Went to this college.

00:52:40.000 My college ended up going out of business.

00:52:41.000 Just this little school in Santa Fe.

00:52:43.000 Just hammered.

00:52:45.000 And my friend, who I worked at a restaurant with, a guy friend, He wanted to hook up with me, so he's like, sweet.

00:52:51.000 So he hops into bed with us, and then he leaves, and the next day he's like, he kept looking me in the eye, Annie.

00:52:56.000 He kept looking at me.

00:52:58.000 He kept trying to make eye contact with me.

00:53:00.000 So he was boning you, and your boyfriend was like...

00:53:03.000 I don't know if he ended up boning me.

00:53:05.000 I think he hopped in and hopped out pretty quick.

00:53:08.000 What does that mean?

00:53:09.000 Because he got freaked out because he kept looking at him.

00:53:11.000 Oh, he gave it a shot.

00:53:12.000 I mean, we were in full blackouts at that point.

00:53:15.000 I don't remember anything.

00:53:17.000 I really feel like I'm five years younger than I am because I just blacked out five years.

00:53:21.000 You should write about those days.

00:53:23.000 I know, I will.

00:53:24.000 It would be a hilarious book.

00:53:25.000 There were so many.

00:53:25.000 I have so many crazy stories.

00:53:27.000 And it's funny because I always thought everyone else had them.

00:53:29.000 I really thought everyone else had this crazy...

00:53:32.000 I'm like, you didn't steal cars when you were little?

00:53:34.000 You didn't do all these things?

00:53:36.000 That never happened to you?

00:53:37.000 Have you thought about writing a book?

00:53:38.000 Yeah.

00:53:39.000 But it's also a great comedy writing exercise.

00:53:42.000 Yeah.

00:53:43.000 I know.

00:53:43.000 I want to tell these stories on stage more.

00:53:46.000 Yeah.

00:53:46.000 Flash and the Chain Gang was...

00:53:47.000 I mean, there's just been so many.

00:53:48.000 I drew some pictures I draw, too.

00:53:50.000 So I haven't drawn in a while.

00:53:52.000 But I drew a coloring book once that I never followed through with.

00:53:55.000 But it was Lessons from a Chubby Alcoholic.

00:53:58.000 And it was just different true scenes from my drinking days.

00:54:01.000 Just fucking crazy, the shit I did.

00:54:04.000 So how did you stop?

00:54:05.000 Well, Tate, that actually brings me back to Tate.

00:54:07.000 So I moved to New York.

00:54:08.000 I wanted to do stand-up so bad.

00:54:10.000 I had just done that one thing at the Cowgirl in Santa Fe.

00:54:13.000 And I liked it.

00:54:13.000 I was nervous and I don't remember.

00:54:16.000 I'm sure it was like all abortion jokes.

00:54:19.000 I don't really remember.

00:54:20.000 But then I do remember my first set after that.

00:54:24.000 I remember all the beginning ones.

00:54:26.000 So the first one was when I got to New York.

00:54:29.000 I moved to New York to do stand-up.

00:54:30.000 I crashed my scooter.

00:54:31.000 So I wanted to move to LA. I had met people out in LA and I thought that was where I wanted to go.

00:54:36.000 But because I kept drinking and driving, I was like, I have a drinking and driving problem.

00:54:39.000 I have to go somewhere where I can't drive.

00:54:41.000 So I moved to New York, thank God, because I think it helped me really push and get really strong before I came out here.

00:54:49.000 So I moved to New York.

00:54:50.000 I wanted to do stand-up.

00:54:52.000 I was just drinking.

00:54:53.000 I was partying.

00:54:54.000 I have so many friends that I just met on Benders, like random shit.

00:54:57.000 I was just doing insane things, day drinking.

00:54:59.000 Just way more drunk than everyone else.

00:55:01.000 I left my drinking buddies in Santa Fe and everyone else was kind of like, what are you up to?

00:55:05.000 So I was staying on my friend's couch and I wanted to do stand-up.

00:55:09.000 And so finally she was like, look, let's just go to an open mic.

00:55:12.000 I'll go with you.

00:55:13.000 And I was like, all right.

00:55:15.000 So I get all my jokes ready.

00:55:16.000 We go to an open mic.

00:55:19.000 I go up.

00:55:20.000 I drop my set list.

00:55:22.000 And then I completely black out.

00:55:23.000 I'm so nervous.

00:55:25.000 I'm like in this basement at this place called Cake Shop.

00:55:27.000 My friend Caperlamp was the host of it.

00:55:30.000 Or was she the host yet?

00:55:31.000 I don't know.

00:55:31.000 Anyway, I got up on stage and completely bombed and just started yelling at everyone.

00:55:36.000 I just started yelling at all of these comics, like, fuck you, you pieces of shit.

00:55:40.000 I don't know what happened.

00:55:42.000 And then I sat down at the bar and I'd already quit Jaeger.

00:55:44.000 Jaeger was the first thing I quit.

00:55:46.000 So I was sitting at the bar.

00:55:47.000 And some guy came up, this comic, who I did not like or think was funny or want anything to do with, and he kept buying me drinks.

00:55:54.000 He was buying me shots of Jaeger, and I was like, look, man, I'm struggling with drinking.

00:55:58.000 I can't really say no to a drink, but please stop buying them for me.

00:56:02.000 And he just kept buying them.

00:56:03.000 I wasn't going to stop.

00:56:05.000 And so he kept buying them.

00:56:07.000 So then I ended up waking up on his air mattress.

00:56:11.000 This is after my first open mic.

00:56:13.000 Waking up on his air mattress, fully clothed, didn't fuck him or anything.

00:56:16.000 Just trapped somewhere in Bushwick.

00:56:18.000 It was snowing.

00:56:18.000 I was like, where am I? What am I doing?

00:56:20.000 I looked around his apartment.

00:56:21.000 I'm like, all I want to do is be a comedian.

00:56:24.000 I was so sure that's what I wanted to do.

00:56:26.000 I was spending all this time drinking, getting fucked up.

00:56:28.000 This is only your second set ever.

00:56:30.000 This was my second, yeah.

00:56:31.000 This was when I had moved to New York.

00:56:32.000 It was my first one in New York.

00:56:33.000 What made you so sure that you wanted to be a comedian?

00:56:35.000 I just never wanted to do anything else.

00:56:38.000 But you'd only had one set at a karaoke bar, and then the second set where you screamed and told everybody to fuck off.

00:56:44.000 What was it that made you think that you could do it?

00:56:47.000 I don't know.

00:56:48.000 I just never wanted to do anything else.

00:56:49.000 I just didn't have another.

00:56:50.000 There was no other plan.

00:56:51.000 I had been a special ed teacher.

00:56:53.000 I had done a go-go dancer.

00:56:54.000 I'd worked at the bars.

00:56:56.000 I'd done all that stuff.

00:56:57.000 I just felt like if I could do it, I could do it.

00:57:01.000 I mean, I guess it's a little bit of that delusion and that...

00:57:04.000 But I just, I never, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to do it.

00:57:07.000 I knew there were obstacles in my way and I knew that drinking was one of them.

00:57:10.000 I had talked to a comic before that sat at the open mic and he had said just try not to, his advice to me was try not to hook up with the guys at open mics because you're going to get a reputation when you're just trying to be respected.

00:57:23.000 So he had said that to me.

00:57:24.000 That's good advice.

00:57:25.000 I think that was great advice because it's also, there's no time for that.

00:57:28.000 Right.

00:57:28.000 This was my whole hustle.

00:57:29.000 Right.

00:57:29.000 Also, what are the odds that that person's going to follow through?

00:57:31.000 If you follow through and become a comic, what are the odds that they are?

00:57:34.000 You might get hitched up to some fucking loser.

00:57:36.000 Yeah, you definitely don't want to get hitched up.

00:57:38.000 But it also was...

00:57:39.000 I needed to put all my energy...

00:57:40.000 I'm barely in a place now to be in a relationship, so it's like...

00:57:43.000 This was 11 years ago.

00:57:45.000 So I... When I woke up on that guy's air mattress, I was like, fuck.

00:57:51.000 I already broke the thing that I wanted to do.

00:57:55.000 From all my weird sexual assaulty stuff when I was younger, I just didn't have a good relationship with sex.

00:58:01.000 Drinking didn't help with it.

00:58:02.000 Everything was just out of control.

00:58:04.000 I have this thing now, this precious thing that I want so bad.

00:58:09.000 Crashing my scooter, almost dying, all that shit wasn't enough.

00:58:13.000 But stand-up really was.

00:58:15.000 That's what I wanted.

00:58:16.000 So I went to my friend's house and I called Tate.

00:58:22.000 I just called Tate.

00:58:23.000 I was like, I just want to do this and I want to quit drinking.

00:58:27.000 So he told me to go to meetings and just try it out.

00:58:30.000 Do you remember your first meeting?

00:58:31.000 Yeah, I went to one, I think it was the Lower East Side, and the guy sharing was talking about it.

00:58:35.000 He's like, I always knew I had a problem because when I was two, I took all of the Tylenol.

00:58:41.000 And I was like, what are you talking about?

00:58:43.000 Any kid with a childproof thing is just going to eat the pills.

00:58:46.000 I remember kind of judging him and being like, whatever.

00:58:49.000 But it was good to have that community then because I needed to detach myself from the partiers and all that lifestyle.

00:58:55.000 Yeah.

00:58:55.000 So I did go to...

00:58:56.000 I did 90 and 90. I did a meeting every day for 90 days and then I never went back.

00:59:01.000 Some people actually learn how to do stand-up from those meetings.

00:59:04.000 There was a guy named Dave...

00:59:05.000 I learned how to bomb.

00:59:06.000 There was a guy named Dave Fitzgerald who was a really funny comedian back in Boston.

00:59:10.000 And he learned how to do stand-up from making hilarious stories out of his drunk days.

00:59:16.000 Because he was a fucking raging alcoholic.

00:59:19.000 Yeah.

00:59:20.000 And the same thing.

00:59:20.000 Just quit and then started doing stand-up.

00:59:22.000 Yeah.

00:59:23.000 We're good to go.

00:59:48.000 Oatbox.

00:59:49.000 Everyone gets it confused with Amish, which has nothing to do with Amish.

00:59:52.000 What's the difference?

00:59:53.000 It's just a very chill Christianity.

00:59:56.000 Were those the pilgrims?

00:59:57.000 The pilgrims, Quakers?

00:59:59.000 No, I don't think they were.

01:00:01.000 When did Quakerism start?

01:00:03.000 They're pacifists?

01:00:04.000 Yeah, they're pacifists.

01:00:05.000 They believe that God's in the form of an inner light that's in everyone and everything.

01:00:08.000 So why would you fight?

01:00:10.000 I mean, I agree with that just from hallucinogens and shit, too.

01:00:12.000 But it's something I struggle with.

01:00:15.000 I have to look back at childhood predators and I'm like, I have to forgive these people because they are from the same light, I guess.

01:00:21.000 What's the wacky thing with Quakers?

01:00:24.000 Quakers are...

01:00:25.000 Well, it's just very...

01:00:26.000 It's just you sit in silence.

01:00:27.000 So the churches...

01:00:28.000 There's two types.

01:00:29.000 There's programmed and unprogrammed.

01:00:30.000 I was unprogrammed, which is the super chill one.

01:00:32.000 There's no Bible talk.

01:00:34.000 There's no preacher.

01:00:35.000 There's nothing.

01:00:36.000 You just sit in benches facing each other.

01:00:38.000 My meeting house had these old creaky...

01:00:41.000 Wait, wait.

01:00:41.000 Hold on.

01:00:41.000 Explain.

01:00:41.000 What are you talking about?

01:00:42.000 So it's a meeting house that you meet up with on Sundays.

01:00:46.000 You stare at each other?

01:00:47.000 Yeah, or you look down at your hands.

01:00:49.000 You don't really look at each other, but you sit.

01:00:51.000 There's facing benches, and then there's benches here, so you are kind of all looking at each other.

01:00:58.000 And what do you do?

01:00:58.000 You sit in silence, and then if you feel moved to speak, it's supposed to be God speaking through you, but if you just feel moved to speak at all, you just stand up and you say whatever you want.

01:01:05.000 Wow.

01:01:06.000 And you're not reading scripture?

01:01:08.000 Mm-mm.

01:01:09.000 I mean, some people, every once in a while, someone would do that growing up.

01:01:12.000 But I went to a Quaker school, too, and we were...

01:01:15.000 Little kids, we used to have to sit in silence for like 45 minutes, which was impossible.

01:01:18.000 I had such bad ADD. It was insane.

01:01:20.000 I would wear shirts that had things on it I could play with.

01:01:22.000 I had a shirt with a phone and it had a cord and I would just wear it and I would set alarms and sit on my alarm so it wouldn't go off.

01:01:28.000 I just had to be doing stuff.

01:01:29.000 It was crazy.

01:01:30.000 You're just so little and you're just sitting there silently.

01:01:33.000 People are so bored.

01:01:34.000 Little kids get so bored.

01:01:36.000 And what's the first thing they do?

01:01:37.000 They try to medicate them because they're so bored.

01:01:40.000 Well, I got medicated too.

01:01:41.000 We did Ritalin and stuff.

01:01:42.000 Oh, no.

01:01:44.000 But when I was older, I don't feel like it affected me.

01:01:47.000 They put me on antidepressants a little bit, but I was pretty good at being like, I don't want to do these things.

01:01:51.000 You don't feel like it affected you to be on Ritalin?

01:01:54.000 But I didn't take it for that long.

01:01:56.000 How long did you take it for?

01:01:56.000 I don't know.

01:01:58.000 I don't think I took it for that long.

01:01:59.000 Do you know Allie?

01:01:59.000 Allie McCroskey?

01:02:00.000 Duh.

01:02:01.000 She was talking about it last night.

01:02:02.000 I fucking love her.

01:02:02.000 Love her too.

01:02:03.000 She was talking about how that same shit happened to her when she was a kid.

01:02:08.000 Yeah.

01:02:08.000 Bouncing off the walls and they medicate you.

01:02:11.000 Yeah.

01:02:11.000 It is interesting because it is...

01:02:15.000 I can only imagine what it's like to be a parent.

01:02:17.000 There's all this information coming at you and you're dealing with your own shit.

01:02:21.000 A lot of people didn't go through their healing process or anything, too.

01:02:25.000 It must be so hard to be a parent.

01:02:26.000 It's just got to be crazy.

01:02:27.000 I think about it.

01:02:29.000 I never wanted to have a kid until I did some hallucinogens and then I was like, maybe I want to have a kid.

01:02:33.000 You'd be a great mom.

01:02:34.000 Yeah, I think I would.

01:02:35.000 But I'm just dealing with all my...

01:02:37.000 Help you heal.

01:02:38.000 I'm dealing with all my...

01:02:39.000 I just want to make sure I'm not in a place...

01:02:40.000 I was very angry in the past, and it's something that I work on a lot.

01:02:44.000 I just wouldn't want to redo patterns and stuff like that.

01:02:47.000 But I do think because I've had such traumatic stuff, I think I would be...

01:02:50.000 I think I could protect my kids in a good way.

01:02:53.000 So the Quakers are allowed to medicate their kids?

01:02:55.000 That's part of the doctrine?

01:02:56.000 Yeah.

01:02:56.000 Yeah, you can...

01:02:57.000 There's no...

01:02:58.000 I mean, it's pretty loose.

01:02:59.000 It's like, you can do whatever you want.

01:03:00.000 There was one guy that wore his Jewish stuff to a meeting.

01:03:04.000 I went to a meeting after the election.

01:03:06.000 I went a little bit...

01:03:07.000 I was like, maybe I want to go back to church.

01:03:09.000 What?

01:03:09.000 The Quaker church?

01:03:10.000 Yeah.

01:03:10.000 After 2016?

01:03:12.000 Yeah, because I just was...

01:03:13.000 It just triggered a lot of things in me, and I went real crazy for a second.

01:03:17.000 I just had a lot of trauma that I wasn't dealing with.

01:03:19.000 When Trump won?

01:03:20.000 It wasn't...

01:03:20.000 This is embarrassing, okay?

01:03:21.000 I was hanging out with a lot of...

01:03:24.000 Anyway.

01:03:24.000 What happened?

01:03:25.000 I just got really mad.

01:03:27.000 I don't know.

01:03:28.000 I got really mad.

01:03:28.000 I just wasn't...

01:03:30.000 I wasn't...

01:03:34.000 Dealing with stuff and it just kind of pushed all this stuff forward for me.

01:03:37.000 How so?

01:03:38.000 What do you mean by- Just like some sexual assault stuff just came up.

01:03:42.000 Like I think a lot of people that were angry and were marching around and stuff had some personal triggers that had happened for them.

01:03:49.000 Oh, so because of like the grab them by the pussy talk?

01:03:51.000 Yeah, and then you read it and then I read up on it and it's not what it seems and I don't know.

01:03:56.000 I just, you know, there was a lot of hysteria and- It just triggered a lot of my shit, but I'm glad it did because it helped me get through a lot of stuff.

01:04:05.000 And I definitely, I think, have a different view on those things now.

01:04:11.000 And I, you know, I was running around so mad.

01:04:13.000 At who?

01:04:14.000 I'm like, who am I mad at?

01:04:16.000 I did a lot of, like, when it first happened, I was like, fuck, man, I did that for about three months.

01:04:20.000 Thank God I got out of that.

01:04:21.000 But really angry and just projecting and pissed and all this stuff.

01:04:25.000 And it's like, there's a few men I'm mad at, right?

01:04:28.000 There's a few.

01:04:29.000 Yeah.

01:04:30.000 I'm certainly not mad at men, but there are a few.

01:04:33.000 From your past?

01:04:34.000 Yeah, you know, and that was something I had to deal with and I had to learn to compartmentalize that and not make it this broad thing.

01:04:40.000 I hate when people do that.

01:04:41.000 It's so upsetting.

01:04:41.000 The drinking days?

01:04:43.000 The drinking days and from my childhood, you know, I had some fucked up shit happen.

01:04:47.000 But, you know, it's just important for me to not blame a large group of people that have nothing to do with my trauma.

01:04:58.000 And it's also when I get triggered, what I needed to learn was that's my responsibility to handle my trigger.

01:05:04.000 And I can't just be running around like this unsheathed sword.

01:05:07.000 I mean, I can, but I'm going to cut everyone around me.

01:05:10.000 Yeah, the thing that people do when they blame everyone that's part of that group.

01:05:15.000 It's so common.

01:05:16.000 You remember there was a real problem a few months back where Liam Neeson was talking about one of his friends that had gotten something that happened where a A black guy had done something, murdered one of his friends, or raped one of his friends, something awful.

01:05:32.000 I think it was rape.

01:05:33.000 And so he would go out at night with a bat looking for a black guy to start trouble.

01:05:40.000 And he talked about it, and everybody was furious at him.

01:05:42.000 And he's saying, look, I didn't do anything, and I was in a terrible state of mind.

01:05:47.000 I'm just being honest about this.

01:05:48.000 I'm not proud of this.

01:05:49.000 It was one of the most embarrassing and darkest moments of my life.

01:05:52.000 But I did it.

01:05:53.000 Right.

01:05:53.000 And not letting people express those things and talk about it and say away.

01:05:59.000 Because I am embarrassed that I got so man-hating.

01:06:01.000 I mean, there's a couple podcasts I did where I was like, fuck man.

01:06:05.000 And that hurts people.

01:06:06.000 I hurt people by saying that.

01:06:08.000 I mean, but whatever.

01:06:09.000 No, but people have lashed out on me for stuff like that.

01:06:11.000 But it's like, I don't fucking...

01:06:12.000 I don't have the capacity to hate an entire group of people.

01:06:15.000 And I certainly like...

01:06:16.000 I have brothers.

01:06:17.000 I have my dad.

01:06:18.000 I don't...

01:06:19.000 Don't you think that sometimes you say things and that's not really what you mean?

01:06:23.000 Yeah.

01:06:23.000 You're just expressing anger.

01:06:25.000 Of course.

01:06:25.000 And then I think right now what's going on, and I've checked out of a lot of stuff.

01:06:29.000 I don't pay attention to a lot of things anymore because it was just like...

01:06:32.000 The news, you mean?

01:06:33.000 Yeah.

01:06:33.000 It's just like not...

01:06:34.000 It's not real.

01:06:35.000 I don't read Twitter.

01:06:36.000 I don't...

01:06:37.000 I just don't do it.

01:06:37.000 It's like I got to focus on...

01:06:40.000 What I can do and how I can feel good and how I can...

01:06:43.000 I just want to make people laugh, have a good time, make people feel good.

01:06:46.000 I want to feel good.

01:06:47.000 It's like I can't do that if I'm in this constant state of taking in all this information that's just pushing my buttons, pushing my buttons.

01:06:53.000 Well, yeah.

01:06:54.000 Some of it's not going to be, but some of it certainly is.

01:06:56.000 And if you're not controlling the...

01:06:58.000 You have a mental diet, too, and that's something that people don't think of all the time.

01:07:03.000 I don't remember who described it that way, but it's the best way of describing it.

01:07:07.000 You have a physical diet, and if you have a poor physical diet, your body's sick.

01:07:11.000 Yeah.

01:07:11.000 But if you have a poor mental diet, your mind is sick.

01:07:14.000 Yeah.

01:07:14.000 You're taking in nonsense all the time.

01:07:17.000 And fights.

01:07:17.000 You know, I had Bernie Sanders on yesterday.

01:07:19.000 Who?

01:07:20.000 That guy was running for something.

01:07:22.000 Oh, he kind of looks like my dad.

01:07:24.000 A little bit.

01:07:24.000 Okay, cool.

01:07:25.000 And I briefly looked into the comments.

01:07:30.000 Of one of the posts.

01:07:32.000 And so many fucking people are so goddamn toxic.

01:07:37.000 They're just battling it out left and right and misrepresenting his position.

01:07:43.000 Someone was calling me an alt-right white supremacist, white nationalist.

01:07:48.000 I'm like, what in the fuck?

01:07:49.000 That's so hot.

01:07:50.000 You should make a t-shirt.

01:07:52.000 Someone said that I had someone.

01:07:54.000 What is this?

01:07:55.000 Stormfront or something like that?

01:07:57.000 What is that white supremacist page?

01:08:00.000 Stormfront or something?

01:08:00.000 They said I had the founder of Stormfront on my podcast.

01:08:03.000 I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?

01:08:04.000 Are you a Proud Boy?

01:08:06.000 No.

01:08:06.000 I'm so proud of those guys.

01:08:08.000 I had Gavin McGinnis, who is the founder of the Proud Boys.

01:08:12.000 I had him on before, but I had him on before there was a Proud Boys.

01:08:15.000 I didn't even know what the fuck the Proud Boys was.

01:08:17.000 Yeah, but also, why can't you talk to a person?

01:08:18.000 I asked him about it, and I was critical.

01:08:22.000 I was criticizing him.

01:08:23.000 I was like, you can't just...

01:08:24.000 Claim you're going to have violence with people.

01:08:26.000 It's so fucking dumb.

01:08:28.000 And then all the Proud Boys shit that happened with violence came far after that, but people are like blaming me for having him on.

01:08:36.000 I don't even know what the fuck it is.

01:08:37.000 He's the co-founder of Vice.

01:08:38.000 That's what I knew.

01:08:40.000 Interesting.

01:08:41.000 Don't you want to hear the other side?

01:08:42.000 Like, don't you want to hear everyone's opinions and everyone's thoughts?

01:08:45.000 Don't you want to try to understand and come to a common ground?

01:08:47.000 Don't you want to realize, like, I'm not religious really or anything, but it's like we are all God's children.

01:08:52.000 Like, there's missing this whole thing.

01:08:54.000 It's this fight against each other.

01:08:56.000 Yes, but no.

01:08:56.000 Okay, the problem is there's a lot of these people that do go on shows and try to reinvent themselves in a disingenuous way, and they try to whitewash people.

01:09:05.000 What they're doing, whitewash their past.

01:09:07.000 And to that point, I mean, the idea is that you're helping them recruit people.

01:09:14.000 Before he was on my podcast, though, there was no people for him to recruit to.

01:09:20.000 So people need to understand, there was nothing.

01:09:24.000 Like, I had him on because he was this guy who was funny, and he used to do a lot of interesting videos.

01:09:28.000 He fucked up when he started that group, and he fucked up when he was calling for violence and telling people to choke a bitch and punch people and grab these people.

01:09:37.000 And he was doing it in response to the violence that Antifa was pushing on right-wing people that would have these meetings and they would show up.

01:09:45.000 Yeah, doing like the clown mirror back at them, being crazy, yeah.

01:09:50.000 It was all poorly thought out.

01:09:52.000 But the idea that that makes you a white nationalist because you talk to someone.

01:09:56.000 Because you talk to them, yeah.

01:09:57.000 It's so fucking stupid.

01:09:58.000 But it's like this is the world we live in and everything's so polarized.

01:10:01.000 It's like you're left or right, you're black or white, you're one or zero.

01:10:05.000 It's like there's no gray area.

01:10:06.000 They also freeze you in the one moment that you said the thing.

01:10:10.000 And then there's no before or after.

01:10:12.000 There's no growth.

01:10:13.000 There's nothing.

01:10:14.000 It's like you're fucking out.

01:10:16.000 Yeah, they just look for this quote trap.

01:10:19.000 You said that.

01:10:21.000 I clarified.

01:10:22.000 I expanded.

01:10:23.000 I took it back.

01:10:24.000 I revisited it.

01:10:26.000 There's a lot of things that people do when you talk.

01:10:29.000 You say things like you don't even know what the fuck you're going to say when you're saying it.

01:10:34.000 Then you go, that doesn't make sense.

01:10:36.000 Then you re-clarify and When you're talking in long foreign conversation like this in a podcast and someone wants to take a snippet out of it and just decide that that's who you are, it's nuts.

01:10:49.000 It doesn't make any sense.

01:10:50.000 And this is the world we're living in today.

01:10:51.000 Everybody wants to paint everyone as toxic.

01:10:54.000 You want to paint – so many people, I should say – want to paint people as being a problem or a negative thing.

01:11:00.000 And it's like this is the Twitter world where – 20% of the people make 80% of the posts.

01:11:05.000 And so many of them are fucking losers.

01:11:08.000 And it's also...

01:11:08.000 It's such a...

01:11:09.000 You're giving all of your power out to outward.

01:11:11.000 You're not paying attention to yourself.

01:11:13.000 You're blaming others.

01:11:13.000 You're trying to change the world around you.

01:11:15.000 You're trying to create a safe space through other people.

01:11:18.000 Yeah.

01:11:18.000 Do you know how unhappy you're going to be in your life if you're expecting other people to...

01:11:23.000 Come cower to all of your demands and do all of your stuff.

01:11:26.000 Everyone's dealing with their own fucking shit.

01:11:27.000 They're not trying to be happy.

01:11:29.000 What they're trying to do is somehow or another score points and distract themselves from their own life by focusing on these external issues.

01:11:39.000 That they think are critical and super important.

01:11:42.000 And some of them are.

01:11:43.000 Obviously, running for president, whoever's going to be president, it's a very important issue.

01:11:47.000 And most of the time, like 95% of the time, I avoid comments.

01:11:51.000 But for whatever reason, I just found myself flipping through it because I wanted to see what people think about Bernie.

01:11:56.000 Yeah.

01:11:56.000 I'm like, oh, what a mistake.

01:11:57.000 You can't look.

01:11:58.000 You can't look.

01:11:59.000 It seems worse, though.

01:12:00.000 It seems like every time I check, if I don't check Twitter for four months and then I check it, It's like, whoa!

01:12:07.000 Have things accelerated this much?

01:12:09.000 Or people are so angry at so many different things?

01:12:12.000 And just, they paint people in such caricature, like AOC. She is a woman who I don't think I've ever seen anybody People work so hard to mischaracterize her or paint her in a horrible light.

01:12:31.000 And I'm like, look, she says things that I don't agree with.

01:12:34.000 Why is everyone so fucking angry?

01:12:36.000 Like, what is this?

01:12:37.000 Well, people will put all their things on.

01:12:40.000 They have these beliefs.

01:12:42.000 Definitely when I was in my whole...

01:12:45.000 When I was extra angry, you have this whole system around you, and you can't hear the other side.

01:12:55.000 Everyone has to be a villain in that, or they're either with you or against you.

01:12:58.000 I don't know.

01:12:59.000 It's just...

01:13:00.000 To me, it's just unhealthy.

01:13:01.000 I had to tap out.

01:13:02.000 I stopped paying attention to a lot of stuff, and I don't know if that makes me ignorant.

01:13:05.000 I just got to live a happy life.

01:13:07.000 No, I don't think it does make you ignorant.

01:13:09.000 I don't think it's an effective way to communicate.

01:13:11.000 I think it's a really piss-poor way to communicate, and I think it fosters rage more than anything.

01:13:17.000 There's something about being able to talk to people where you don't have social cues, you don't have empathy, you're not looking at them.

01:13:23.000 Yeah.

01:13:44.000 They just want to feel alive or whatever.

01:13:47.000 People have their own process.

01:13:48.000 I try to not take anything personally.

01:13:50.000 It's like, you don't know me.

01:13:51.000 If you don't like me, that's weird.

01:13:53.000 You don't know me.

01:13:54.000 You shouldn't really have that much of an opinion.

01:13:56.000 It's like not finding your validation.

01:13:57.000 You can't find the good stuff or the bad stuff in the comments.

01:14:00.000 You can't.

01:14:00.000 If you look at the comments for good things, it's just as bad as looking for bad things.

01:14:05.000 Yeah.

01:14:05.000 I mean, some people think it's a good idea to gauge whether or not the conversation was effective, whether or not you could have done something better to navigate it more efficiently or make it more entertaining for the people that are listening.

01:14:21.000 Looking for the constructive criticism.

01:14:22.000 Yeah, I mean, there can be some of that from some people.

01:14:25.000 The problem is, you're trying to manage all this data at scale, right?

01:14:30.000 You're dealing with thousands and thousands of humans that are chiming in, and a lot of them are deeply unhappy.

01:14:36.000 There's a lot of people that are commenting on things that are just...

01:14:46.000 Yeah.

01:14:48.000 Yeah.

01:15:01.000 Yeah, I hope so.

01:15:02.000 I mean, I do.

01:15:02.000 I try to do a lot of work on myself.

01:15:05.000 I stopped watching.

01:15:07.000 This was huge for me.

01:15:08.000 I was watching a lot of true crime.

01:15:11.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:15:11.000 I was watching like Datelines, stuff like that, all these things.

01:15:15.000 And I mean, that is fucking toxic.

01:15:17.000 People are obsessed with it.

01:15:18.000 They're obsessed with it.

01:15:19.000 And I just started to realize, I know a friend of mine had, there was one about her sister.

01:15:25.000 And once I saw that, and I just realized, like, this is not good.

01:15:27.000 This is finding entertainment out of these really real things that have happened to people in this pain.

01:15:31.000 And I have had fucked up things happen.

01:15:33.000 I've had friends have fucked up things happen.

01:15:35.000 I've seen these things.

01:15:36.000 I don't need to bring awareness to this.

01:15:38.000 I know that.

01:15:40.000 Well, a lot of women get into those true crime shows.

01:15:43.000 It's like dramatic and everything, but it's not.

01:15:45.000 It's real.

01:15:46.000 These are real things that happen to people.

01:15:48.000 But is it because you want to know that that's out there so you can prepare yourself or so you can be aware?

01:15:54.000 Like, what is the appeal?

01:15:55.000 Because apparently, see, find out if this is true, but I remember reading this, that true crime shows sort of skew in their demographics more female than male.

01:16:06.000 Like, more females are into true crime shows than male.

01:16:10.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:16:10.000 I think it's like a beginning, middle, and end to a story.

01:16:13.000 Like, there's a whole plot line, and then they catch the person, and the way the editing is, and they have the interviews.

01:16:19.000 Well, for a lot of the episodes, they will.

01:16:22.000 Sometimes they catch them before they kill them, and that's disappointing.

01:16:24.000 But it's just very...

01:16:28.000 Young women are the biggest true crime buffs, and here's why.

01:16:32.000 If you're even remotely interested in true crime story, oh, in true crime, boy...

01:16:38.000 Have the last couple years been good to you?

01:16:41.000 First, there was the mega-hit podcast Serial, which launched October 2014. Several months later, the HBO released The Jinx.

01:16:48.000 Six-episode documentary, blah, [...

01:16:52.000 Captivating.

01:16:53.000 As captivating these programs were for the general public, one group in particular has become particularly enthusiastic about the genre.

01:17:00.000 Young women.

01:17:01.000 Hmm.

01:17:03.000 It's weird, and a lot of the victims are young women.

01:17:05.000 It's like, I don't know what it is.

01:17:07.000 I don't know what sort of like...

01:17:24.000 Foreman tells Tech Insider this may lead to true crime being more interesting to women than men, simply because if you empathize more with the victim, it may be more relevant to you and more gripping.

01:17:38.000 And then if you empathize with the murderer, you're in some trouble.

01:17:40.000 Yeah.

01:17:41.000 Like, oh, he did a good job.

01:17:43.000 It just was too, I don't know, it just got so dark and weird.

01:17:46.000 Yeah.

01:17:46.000 I had a guy in my, when I was living with my ex-boyfriend in this apartment building, there was this really weird kid who was so overly familiar and just really weird with me.

01:17:56.000 And I felt, I really felt threatened by him.

01:18:00.000 I felt really uncomfortable with him.

01:18:02.000 I told the landlord, you know, my boyfriend was traveling a lot for work and stuff, so...

01:18:06.000 I was alone a lot.

01:18:07.000 How old were you?

01:18:08.000 He was like maybe 18. And you felt threatened by him.

01:18:12.000 He just was weird.

01:18:13.000 He was off Asperger's Eve.

01:18:15.000 Very weird.

01:18:17.000 The way he looked at me was weird.

01:18:19.000 He overly complimented me in an inappropriate way.

01:18:21.000 I would set up boundaries.

01:18:22.000 He would keep coming.

01:18:23.000 I was bringing my laundry up to my apartment.

01:18:26.000 And my boyfriend was out of town.

01:18:29.000 And the kid lived on a different floor than me.

01:18:32.000 And he goes, Oh, let me take your laundry.

01:18:34.000 I go, No.

01:18:35.000 No.

01:18:36.000 And he goes, oh, let me take it.

01:18:37.000 I go, no.

01:18:38.000 I don't need your help.

01:18:40.000 Very clear.

01:18:41.000 And then the door opens to the elevator.

01:18:44.000 He tries to take my laundry.

01:18:46.000 I go, no.

01:18:48.000 And then I get off the elevator and I start walking and he starts following me.

01:18:51.000 And I go, you don't live on this floor.

01:18:53.000 And he goes, oh, sometimes I get off here and walk up.

01:18:55.000 I go, no, you don't.

01:18:56.000 You're not supposed to be on this floor.

01:18:57.000 And then I pretended to go into someone else's apartment because I couldn't let him know where I lived.

01:19:01.000 And then he left.

01:19:02.000 So that's when I called Tate again.

01:19:04.000 And he set me up with Scott Epstein at 10th Planet.

01:19:07.000 And that's when I started doing jujitsu.

01:19:09.000 Because I'm like, nobody's fucking with me anymore.

01:19:11.000 There's no...

01:19:12.000 I cannot control my surroundings.

01:19:13.000 I cannot control that.

01:19:14.000 All I can do is control my ability to...

01:19:15.000 You don't live in the same building?

01:19:17.000 Nope.

01:19:17.000 Jesus Christ.

01:19:18.000 Yeah, that's the thing that women have to deal with.

01:19:20.000 And I have experienced it to a far lesser degree with creepy dudes who want to follow me in hotels.

01:19:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:19:26.000 You have...

01:19:27.000 I've seen people...

01:19:27.000 People are so weird with you.

01:19:29.000 Yeah, it's weird.

01:19:30.000 They want to follow you in hotels, though?

01:19:32.000 Yeah.

01:19:32.000 Like, guys follow me into the elevator and want to come to my room.

01:19:36.000 Like, hey...

01:19:37.000 Yeah.

01:19:38.000 They want to watch you jerk off.

01:19:40.000 They're like, Louie me, please!

01:19:41.000 They don't want to leave me alone once I'm near them.

01:19:43.000 They just want to stay close to me.

01:19:45.000 People come up to you and they're so excited.

01:19:50.000 This is their moment.

01:19:51.000 They're shivering.

01:19:52.000 They're shaking.

01:19:53.000 I watch it all the time.

01:19:54.000 It's I told you I want to do a reaction where they just should have our faces, your friends' faces when people are approaching you.

01:20:00.000 We're just all like, oh my god.

01:20:02.000 I mean, they do it on a smaller scale with other people too, but I mean, you really have it.

01:20:06.000 They're always unfolding a paper.

01:20:08.000 They've always got something they need to share with you.

01:20:10.000 This is their big chance to tell you whatever the thing is that they need to tell you.

01:20:13.000 I mean, it is really their moment.

01:20:15.000 You're a part of people's biggest moment of their life all day long.

01:20:19.000 The biggest one is when they have a business pitch.

01:20:22.000 It's the most frustrating.

01:20:24.000 I've seen it.

01:20:24.000 I'm like, listen, we are not going into business together.

01:20:27.000 How do you know if you don't hear it?

01:20:28.000 Because I don't have time to do what I'm doing already.

01:20:31.000 And I have friends.

01:20:32.000 I'm already selling fanny packs.

01:20:34.000 I can't do more.

01:20:35.000 Super busy with the fanny pack business.

01:20:37.000 Hireprimate.com.

01:20:39.000 Go there for all your fanny pack needs.

01:20:41.000 I died when you told me you sold fanny packs.

01:20:43.000 Yeah, sell out.

01:20:44.000 That's so funny.

01:20:45.000 Every month I have to keep restocking them.

01:20:46.000 You're the king.

01:20:47.000 I don't even get it.

01:20:48.000 I sell a lot of fucking fanny packs.

01:20:50.000 They sell like crazy.

01:20:51.000 But they're really high quality.

01:20:52.000 I was living out of my car when you told me that.

01:20:54.000 It's a company called Roots from Canada.

01:20:56.000 They make them super high quality leather and I just get them to print it with a higher primate logo on them.

01:21:02.000 But you know how I found out about this company and their excellent fanny packs?

01:21:05.000 Did it involve anal sex?

01:21:07.000 No, diced clay.

01:21:08.000 Oh my god.

01:21:09.000 Dice Clay had a fanny pack on and I said, where did you get that glorious fanny pack?

01:21:14.000 He was like, oh, you like it?

01:21:15.000 Oh!

01:21:17.000 And he showed it to me and I said, this is fucking excellent.

01:21:20.000 Can I go through?

01:21:21.000 It's roots.

01:21:21.000 There's nothing in there.

01:21:22.000 There's nothing good.

01:21:24.000 Chapstick?

01:21:25.000 Yeah.

01:21:25.000 It's CBD chapstick.

01:21:28.000 CBD, huh?

01:21:29.000 That's the only one I fuck with.

01:21:31.000 I took some before I came so I didn't freak the fuck out.

01:21:34.000 Does that help you?

01:21:36.000 Oh, there's something in here.

01:21:37.000 Oh, cow.

01:21:37.000 You're so rich.

01:21:39.000 Joe, you're so rich.

01:21:40.000 I was living in my car parking next to one of your cars.

01:21:44.000 That's it.

01:21:44.000 Right there.

01:21:45.000 See that Roots fanny pack?

01:21:46.000 That's where I learned about it.

01:21:47.000 Oh, my God.

01:21:47.000 He's got the fucking beautiful fanny pack.

01:21:50.000 And then, so what makes yours yours?

01:21:52.000 Well, I bought it from the Roots company.

01:21:54.000 I had them produce them for me.

01:21:55.000 And it's hard to see because this is an older one.

01:21:57.000 I've had this one for a few years.

01:21:58.000 But there's the Higher Primate logo that's embossed in the...

01:22:03.000 Can you get one that says Annie Fanny?

01:22:05.000 No, but you can make it.

01:22:06.000 Joe.

01:22:06.000 Bring it somewhere.

01:22:08.000 Will you lend me some money?

01:22:09.000 Yeah, I will.

01:22:10.000 Will you lend me some money to make my fanny pack?

01:22:13.000 Give me some money to glue glitter on it.

01:22:14.000 It's, uh, yeah.

01:22:15.000 I should do like a craft thing.

01:22:16.000 It'll be fun.

01:22:17.000 Should we have a craft?

01:22:18.000 Yeah, we'll do a little craft show.

01:22:20.000 That's not hard to do.

01:22:20.000 Puffy paints.

01:22:21.000 Just do it with glue.

01:22:22.000 You paint it with glue, and then you sprinkle glitter all over it.

01:22:27.000 The glue will stick to glitter.

01:22:29.000 I'm very glittery.

01:22:30.000 Yeah, there you go.

01:22:31.000 I don't think so.

01:22:32.000 I try to wear hearts, though.

01:22:33.000 Dude, that's a good look for you.

01:22:35.000 I'm trying to Elton John.

01:22:36.000 I watch this video of Elton John Live all the time.

01:22:39.000 What are you showing me, Jamie?

01:22:40.000 Guys, the trend of wearing them up here like this.

01:22:42.000 Those people are cowards.

01:22:44.000 They're young.

01:22:45.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:22:46.000 They can throw their...

01:22:47.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:22:48.000 They are cowards.

01:22:49.000 They don't want to wear it as a fanny pack.

01:22:51.000 So they wear it over their shoulder because they're cowards.

01:22:54.000 Yeah, and if a hot girl comes that doesn't like fanny packs, they can throw their elbow into it and pretend they're injured.

01:22:58.000 No!

01:23:00.000 That's not what they're doing.

01:23:01.000 I gotta laugh.

01:23:02.000 It's not a sling.

01:23:03.000 They're doing it because they want the functionality of a fanny pack, but they don't want the social stigma.

01:23:09.000 They're cowards.

01:23:10.000 Well, it's a new...

01:23:11.000 Yeah, it's like the Jaden Smith.

01:23:13.000 I don't know.

01:23:13.000 It's like he would wear that.

01:23:15.000 This is the younger generation.

01:23:17.000 They've taken our fanny packs and they've made them into something else.

01:23:20.000 Isn't he non-binary?

01:23:22.000 Maybe.

01:23:22.000 What is it saying at the bottom of that goofy picture with that coward?

01:23:26.000 Fanny pack and see-through iridescent zip.

01:23:31.000 Don't have a see-through bag, by the way.

01:23:33.000 Nobody wants to see your tampons.

01:23:36.000 Hide your purse.

01:23:37.000 Maybe.

01:23:38.000 I don't know.

01:23:39.000 You never know with these young boys these days.

01:23:40.000 They're very woke.

01:23:41.000 They are woke.

01:23:42.000 They're so polite.

01:23:44.000 But there's all these women that want to get choked by Bigfoot, so...

01:23:47.000 I was reading this thing about Yale and that Yale put tampons in the men's room because they said, not everyone who menstruates is a woman.

01:23:56.000 And I'm like, yes, they are.

01:23:59.000 I thought maybe they worked for diarrhea.

01:24:00.000 No, yes, everyone who menstruates is a woman, scientifically.

01:24:06.000 We're getting wacky.

01:24:07.000 I'm a woman right now, can you tell?

01:24:10.000 We're getting wacky!

01:24:11.000 Yeah, it is a weird thing that's happening.

01:24:13.000 I'll call anyone whatever they want.

01:24:15.000 It's just a weird...

01:24:16.000 Yeah, I will too.

01:24:17.000 I have no problem.

01:24:18.000 I would love to make you happy, as long as it doesn't.

01:24:21.000 It's so wacky.

01:24:23.000 Well, Chappelle said that thing on his special where he said, to what degree do I have to partake in your self-esteem?

01:24:31.000 Right.

01:24:32.000 That's a good way of looking at it.

01:24:33.000 Yeah.

01:24:33.000 Yeah, I mean, it's – but it's not just that.

01:24:37.000 It's an enforcement.

01:24:38.000 There's like an authoritarian enforcement of certain language and certain ways of communicating with people.

01:24:45.000 Yeah.

01:24:45.000 You know, there is a goddamn hilarious thing that Tim Pool posted up of a communist meeting where this woman is calling everyone comrades, and this guy is like, could everyone please stop moving because – could you guys please stop moving because I have – Severe ADD and all this moving is really distracting me.

01:25:06.000 And the woman goes, alright, thank you, comrade, duly noted.

01:25:09.000 And then the guy goes, please, can you stop using gendered language when you say that?

01:25:14.000 It's very offensive.

01:25:16.000 Like, it is woke, gone chaos.

01:25:19.000 This is what I was saying before about how it's like, if you're expecting the world to accommodate to you, like, your safe space is inside yourself, you fool.

01:25:27.000 It's inside you.

01:25:28.000 You don't have control of the outside world.

01:25:30.000 This is people trying to control the language of everyone around them.

01:25:32.000 Yes.

01:25:33.000 And then saying it's unsafe if they don't follow your new vocabulary.

01:25:36.000 That's an unfair thing.

01:25:37.000 Do you find it?

01:25:38.000 No.

01:25:40.000 It's an Asian lady, and he said, this can't be real.

01:25:44.000 It's like two days ago, he put it.

01:25:47.000 Sam Harris reminded me of it.

01:25:49.000 We were fucking howling, laughing about it.

01:25:51.000 It's got to the point of parody.

01:25:53.000 It's like The Onion is not ridiculous enough.

01:25:56.000 I know.

01:25:57.000 These people are more ridiculous than the most ridiculous parody.

01:26:00.000 You can't even mock it.

01:26:02.000 But do you think that it is them trying to see what they can get away with?

01:26:05.000 Yes.

01:26:05.000 Yes, they're little kids.

01:26:06.000 How far can I go?

01:26:07.000 They're playing make-believe.

01:26:09.000 I'm a chicken, you know?

01:26:11.000 I'm a woodhouse.

01:26:12.000 Someone said this to me.

01:26:13.000 I can't remember what it was, but that all of the words, the keywords that people are using now, like triggered, safe space, they're autistic terms.

01:26:21.000 They're terms that people use with autistic children.

01:26:24.000 Let's hear this.

01:26:26.000 Play this.

01:26:27.000 If we want to defeat capitalism, we are going to need a party that will organize working people to fight for the demands that we want and to win socialism.

01:26:36.000 Thank you so much.

01:26:37.000 Quick point of privilege.

01:26:38.000 Quick point of personal privilege.

01:26:40.000 Guys, first of all, James Jackson, Sacramento, he, him.

01:26:44.000 I just want to say, can we please keep the chatter to a minimum?

01:26:47.000 I'm one of the people who's very, very prone to sensory overload.

01:26:50.000 There's a lot of whispering and chatter going on.

01:26:52.000 It's making it very difficult for me to focus.

01:26:54.000 I know we're all fresh and ready to go, but can we please just keep the chatter to a minimum?

01:26:59.000 It's affecting my ability to focus.

01:27:00.000 Thank you.

01:27:00.000 Thank you, comrade.

01:27:02.000 Is there a speaker against name, chapter, pronoun?

01:27:05.000 Point of personal privilege.

01:27:08.000 Please do not use gendered language to address everyone.

01:27:15.000 Look at that red-headed monster.

01:27:18.000 Where is he?

01:27:19.000 Right in that lower right-hand corner with the halter top or whatever the fuck it is.

01:27:23.000 The tank top thing.

01:27:24.000 See that with the red head?

01:27:25.000 Red hair?

01:27:26.000 The crazy red hair?

01:27:27.000 That's the one that jumped up.

01:27:28.000 That's the he, him, she, her.

01:27:30.000 He's wearing that red so when he gets his period it doesn't show.

01:27:34.000 Do not use gendered language!

01:27:38.000 This is where we're at.

01:27:40.000 We're in nonsense land.

01:27:41.000 And people are acting like this is normal.

01:27:44.000 You're a bunch of babies.

01:27:46.000 What do you give a fuck if someone says, guys?

01:27:47.000 Yeah, who cares what people said about you?

01:27:48.000 Say girls.

01:27:49.000 Say girls.

01:27:49.000 I could be there.

01:27:50.000 Say girls.

01:27:50.000 I don't care.

01:27:51.000 You're crazy.

01:27:53.000 Please!

01:27:54.000 Do not use gendered language!

01:27:55.000 How does that change anything?

01:27:58.000 And by the way, if you can't deal with a bunch of people moving around and making noises and shit, just stop.

01:28:05.000 Just stop.

01:28:06.000 Get the fuck out of there.

01:28:06.000 Don't force everybody else to deal with your fucking weak mind.

01:28:10.000 Go home.

01:28:11.000 Go home.

01:28:12.000 Watch this on YouTube.

01:28:13.000 Eat a steak.

01:28:14.000 Do some squats.

01:28:14.000 Eat a steak.

01:28:15.000 Eat some elk.

01:28:16.000 Get your fucking life in order.

01:28:17.000 Go fuck Bigfoot.

01:28:18.000 All right?

01:28:19.000 Go fuck a goddamn Bigfoot.

01:28:21.000 Go write a Bigfoot fuck book and make millions.

01:28:23.000 What is this seminar about?

01:28:25.000 About being an asshole?

01:28:27.000 Communism?

01:28:28.000 Socialism?

01:28:29.000 It's like playing on this thing, too, where it's like, I want people to feel good.

01:28:32.000 I was a special ed teacher.

01:28:33.000 I've done all these things.

01:28:34.000 Special ed kids wouldn't have been talking like this, asking for all these things.

01:28:38.000 Well, this is what these kids are calling socialism, right?

01:28:43.000 Everyone has to be super, super sensitive and aware of every single fucking thing they do and every single fucking thing that everybody around them does.

01:28:51.000 Everybody has to comply.

01:28:53.000 It keeps you a victim, too, because it's impossible for that to happen.

01:28:56.000 So no one's ever going to comply to everything you say.

01:28:59.000 There's always going to be one person.

01:29:00.000 Even if they want to, maybe they were listening to something else and they didn't know that that's what they were supposed to do or whatever.

01:29:05.000 So then you're always going to be a victim of something.

01:29:08.000 Someone's always said the wrong thing.

01:29:10.000 They've always done the wrong thing.

01:29:11.000 And all of your worth is from something outside of yourself, and you now don't have to deal with your own shit.

01:29:17.000 It ramps up.

01:29:18.000 What used to be acceptable a year ago, now is unacceptable.

01:29:21.000 A year from now, it'll be something else.

01:29:23.000 After a while, you won't even be able to say colored.

01:29:25.000 You're going to have to say the C word, right?

01:29:27.000 You're going to have to say, you can't say people of color, which is a...

01:29:30.000 P.O.C.? Isn't it people of color?

01:29:32.000 That is a weird one.

01:29:33.000 Yeah.

01:29:34.000 Like the NCAA, or NAACP rather, National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, which is bananas.

01:29:42.000 Like, you can't say that.

01:29:44.000 You can't even say that anymore.

01:29:46.000 It's like so dumb, right?

01:29:47.000 It's such a weird thing.

01:29:47.000 And also, I feel like if people stopped having attachment to words, you could stop having them mean anything.

01:29:54.000 Like, they wouldn't hurt you.

01:29:56.000 Well, Lenny Bruce talked about that in the 60s.

01:29:58.000 It was one of his bits in the 60s.

01:30:00.000 He would call people by a bunch of ethnic slurs and then say, you know, the problem with not saying these words is that if you say these words enough time, they lose all their meaning and it's not going to hurt some kids' feelings.

01:30:11.000 Yeah.

01:30:12.000 I'm paraphrasing.

01:30:13.000 But this is the opposite of that.

01:30:14.000 And you know what they did to him?

01:30:16.000 Nothing.

01:30:17.000 They turned him into a woman and Miss Maisel.

01:30:20.000 Oh.

01:30:22.000 They rewrote him.

01:30:23.000 They rebooted him.

01:30:24.000 I've watched a little bit.

01:30:25.000 I think it's good.

01:30:25.000 I haven't watched.

01:30:26.000 But it is weird, right?

01:30:28.000 Mrs. Maisel is him.

01:30:29.000 Yeah.

01:30:30.000 She's the motherfucker.

01:30:31.000 I auditioned for that and then when I saw her tits in the front, I'm like, my tits auditioned for her tits?

01:30:34.000 That's like amazing.

01:30:35.000 You want to show your tits?

01:30:36.000 No, but in the first scene she showed her tits.

01:30:38.000 I was like, alright, thank you.

01:30:40.000 Thank you for getting me that audition.

01:30:42.000 I don't understand what you're saying.

01:30:43.000 She showed her tits in the first scene and I didn't realize that that was going to be in the scene.

01:30:48.000 They didn't make me go topless or whatever, but I was honored to have been in the same scene.

01:30:53.000 Audition pool is...

01:30:55.000 Oh, okay.

01:30:55.000 It's Rachel Brosnahan and her big juicy tits.

01:30:57.000 She looks great.

01:30:58.000 She looks great.

01:30:59.000 She's really funny.

01:31:00.000 She's good.

01:31:00.000 She's a great actress.

01:31:01.000 She is hilarious.

01:31:02.000 But I was talking to a male comic.

01:31:03.000 It was really funny.

01:31:04.000 And he was like, I don't like that fucking show because there was no woman like that back then.

01:31:09.000 Yeah, it was weird.

01:31:09.000 Yeah.

01:31:10.000 There was no Superman either, man.

01:31:11.000 Like, what the fuck are you talking about?

01:31:12.000 There's no Walking Dead.

01:31:13.000 Rick didn't kill any zombies.

01:31:15.000 Guess what?

01:31:15.000 It's all fake.

01:31:16.000 Yeah.

01:31:17.000 Does it really freak you out that there was a woman comic?

01:31:19.000 Like...

01:31:19.000 They're not saying it happened.

01:31:21.000 It's a show about comedy.

01:31:22.000 Right.

01:31:22.000 It's a funny show about comedy.

01:31:24.000 You should be excited that there's a show about stand-up comedy in the 1950s and 60s.

01:31:28.000 It's fucking great.

01:31:30.000 What do you care if they made up a woman?

01:31:33.000 Like, why?

01:31:33.000 Why?

01:31:34.000 Well, they're not getting represented.

01:31:36.000 The white men.

01:31:37.000 It's not even that.

01:31:38.000 It's like a historical thing.

01:31:40.000 Yeah.

01:31:41.000 It was bothering him historically.

01:31:43.000 It is that they are intersecting with real things that happened, so I can see where that's a little annoying.

01:31:48.000 I don't want to bring up Elton John again, but I did see Rocketman, and it was weird when they were not...

01:31:52.000 If there are things that happened and you're...

01:31:54.000 Why do you say bring up Elton John again?

01:31:55.000 Because I keep bringing him up.

01:31:56.000 Yeah, you just didn't even...

01:31:57.000 When did you bring him up earlier?

01:31:58.000 I've just been talking about him the whole time.

01:32:00.000 Did she?

01:32:01.000 No.

01:32:01.000 Because I listen to Elton John a lot.

01:32:03.000 Did you?

01:32:03.000 Yeah, I watched this one live video of him a lot.

01:32:05.000 I don't think you said that.

01:32:07.000 I did.

01:32:07.000 Did you?

01:32:08.000 Yeah.

01:32:08.000 I forgot.

01:32:09.000 Okay.

01:32:10.000 That's okay.

01:32:11.000 I can only be expected to be listened to 20% of the time.

01:32:15.000 What was wrong with Rocketman?

01:32:18.000 Well, it's just he didn't write the lyrics, which they said, but then the whole movie was like trying to force these life events into the lyrics.

01:32:26.000 So it was like, but he didn't write it.

01:32:28.000 So he didn't write it.

01:32:30.000 So it just wasn't, it didn't feel real.

01:32:32.000 I would have rather have heard more shit about when he married that woman and stuff.

01:32:35.000 He married a woman?

01:32:36.000 Yeah, he married a woman.

01:32:37.000 Whoa.

01:32:38.000 Yeah.

01:32:38.000 How frustrated was she?

01:32:40.000 She must have been really horny.

01:32:42.000 Just sliding around in there.

01:32:44.000 She probably didn't know.

01:32:45.000 She's probably rich.

01:32:46.000 But I think probably maybe it was just a beard situation.

01:32:50.000 Yeah, I'm sure.

01:32:51.000 There's got to be a lot of those.

01:32:52.000 There's a lot of guys that want to believe that they can be straight, you know?

01:32:56.000 That's why they buy the Whitney Cummings dick doll.

01:33:00.000 But that's where I like that all pray the gay away stuff is.

01:33:03.000 Oh, yeah.

01:33:04.000 Have you ever heard of those pray the gay away camps where these guys are sitting around holding men with boners?

01:33:08.000 They literally get hard-ons holding you and telling you you're not gay.

01:33:12.000 Yeah.

01:33:12.000 Like, hey, what the fuck's going on back there?

01:33:14.000 Yeah.

01:33:14.000 It's fucking crazy.

01:33:16.000 It's like, it's so wild to not be like, just lean into what you are, your happiness, your joy, and Yeah, but think about yourself.

01:33:22.000 You were raised a Quaker.

01:33:23.000 What if you raised some wildly homophobic Christian?

01:33:27.000 You know, anybody who does that is a Satan worshiper and you're going to go burn in hell and you live with all this guilt and sin.

01:33:34.000 Just feeling like that shame that you're rotten or whatever.

01:33:37.000 I mean, I definitely have my own shame and I know probably everyone carries some with them.

01:33:41.000 I can't imagine on that scale.

01:33:42.000 That sucks.

01:33:43.000 That is probably one of the biggest ones if you're raised Christian, though.

01:33:47.000 If you're raised serious Christian, especially fundamental, one of the worst sins to lay with another man and just dealing with it.

01:33:57.000 The dick that they must get at those camps, though.

01:33:59.000 Oh my God.

01:34:00.000 I mean, they must just be pounding each other out.

01:34:03.000 They probably come so quick because they can't believe they're actually doing it.

01:34:06.000 And then they have that camaraderie in the fact that they both are trying to not be this thing.

01:34:11.000 Oh my god.

01:34:12.000 I'm getting horny just talking about it, honestly.

01:34:14.000 I have a new genre.

01:34:16.000 It's not Bigfoot.

01:34:17.000 We have to work through this.

01:34:19.000 I mean, I'm not gay and you're not gay, even though we just fucked.

01:34:22.000 I know, just crying in each other's gay arms.

01:34:25.000 What a sneaky trick if you believe in God that God did.

01:34:28.000 God said, listen, you cannot have sex with men, but you're going to want nothing but that.

01:34:33.000 You're really going to want it.

01:34:34.000 You're going to want that all day.

01:34:36.000 You're going to see their juicy assholes all day.

01:34:38.000 You want it more than food.

01:34:39.000 You want it more than water.

01:34:40.000 You just want dick and butt.

01:34:42.000 Dick and butt.

01:34:43.000 Dude, dick, butt.

01:34:47.000 Firemen and fucking cops and construction workers and Indians and cowboys.

01:34:52.000 And then a band's going to come out and they're all going to play each part and you're going to have to try to not fuck them.

01:34:58.000 And then you can't even go to the YMCA anymore.

01:35:01.000 I mean, if you really believe in Jesus and you really believe that you shouldn't be gay, but you are gay, what a dirty trick God has played on you.

01:35:09.000 Must be terrible.

01:35:10.000 I just feel like there's nothing more dangerous than repressed.

01:35:13.000 Homosexuality.

01:35:14.000 That's got to be where cancer, not just homosexuality, but repressing any sort of feelings like that.

01:35:18.000 Sure.

01:35:19.000 It's got to be what cancer is.

01:35:20.000 Well, repressed sexuality is always strange.

01:35:23.000 Like, when I was in high school, there was always these girls from Catholic school.

01:35:27.000 And girls from Catholic school that went to all-girls Catholic schools were the biggest hoes.

01:35:31.000 I know.

01:35:32.000 They could not wait.

01:35:32.000 Anal doesn't count.

01:35:33.000 They couldn't wait to get some dick because it was so forbidden.

01:35:36.000 It was a forbidden fruit.

01:35:37.000 They just would get so excited they couldn't believe it was real.

01:35:40.000 Just fighting off these hormones.

01:35:42.000 It's just such a terrible trick to play on a young person.

01:35:46.000 Yeah.

01:35:46.000 To tell them that their body is dirty and awful and that these thoughts that are just prevalent, omnipresent in their mind are the wicked ways of the devil.

01:35:56.000 And that which you resist persists.

01:35:58.000 You know, you're just thinking about that fucking butthole all day.

01:36:03.000 Fucking sucking a dick.

01:36:05.000 Fat, juicy hog.

01:36:06.000 You just can't have it.

01:36:08.000 Yeah, I mean...

01:36:09.000 It's terrible.

01:36:10.000 It's really bad.

01:36:11.000 It's also weird.

01:36:12.000 If you're out there, listen.

01:36:14.000 Let's just say, let God give you a hall pass.

01:36:18.000 Go fuck an asshole.

01:36:19.000 Go fuck an asshole.

01:36:20.000 Go suck a dick.

01:36:21.000 Or just move to Boys Town and realize you're going to be fine.

01:36:24.000 There's a group of them.

01:36:26.000 They get together and they have a great old time.

01:36:28.000 There's a parade?

01:36:29.000 They're so happy.

01:36:32.000 West Hollywood is the happiest.

01:36:34.000 It's so happy.

01:36:35.000 They're free.

01:36:36.000 Their shoulders are exposed.

01:36:38.000 There's just tank tops everywhere.

01:36:41.000 Hair shaved.

01:36:42.000 Anything you want.

01:36:43.000 Every type.

01:36:45.000 I love going.

01:36:45.000 I feel invisible.

01:36:46.000 It's amazing.

01:36:47.000 It is.

01:36:48.000 You are.

01:36:48.000 I could walk bottomless and they would just...

01:36:50.000 I've talked to gay guys so they get mad that straight guys and straight girls are going to gay clubs now to hang out.

01:36:57.000 That it's like a weird thing.

01:36:58.000 Cultural appropriation?

01:36:59.000 Yes.

01:37:00.000 Talk to Martindale.

01:37:01.000 Well, I could see where you'd be like...

01:37:03.000 Martindale doesn't like that.

01:37:04.000 Where you'd be like, hey, this was like our place to fuck and now you're here like...

01:37:08.000 You're wearing glitter?

01:37:09.000 Yeah, get the fuck out of here.

01:37:10.000 You're wearing rainbows?

01:37:11.000 Remember Dimitri Martin had that joke about where he's like...

01:37:16.000 I'm paraphrasing, but gays just get rainbows.

01:37:19.000 That's not fair.

01:37:20.000 You just get fractured light, like greedy, greedy gays.

01:37:22.000 I mean, this is back in the day when you could say stuff like that.

01:37:25.000 Yeah, I had a bit that was pretty similar.

01:37:27.000 It was because of Duck Dynasty.

01:37:30.000 One of the guys from Duck Dynasty was giving, I don't get it, I don't understand.

01:37:34.000 And my bit was like, listen, you should shut the fuck up or the gay people will take over camo the same way they took the rainbows.

01:37:41.000 Oh, that's so funny.

01:37:42.000 They owned the rainbow.

01:37:44.000 The rainbow used to be leprechauns, used to be the Lucky Charms guy.

01:37:47.000 Yeah.

01:37:47.000 Now, it's gay people.

01:37:48.000 To the point where if I came on stage with a fucking rainbow t-shirt on, people would be like, I knew it!

01:37:53.000 I knew it!

01:37:54.000 We've been waiting for this moment!

01:37:55.000 I fucking knew it!

01:37:56.000 But the idea was that if, like, what all the gay guys would have to do is start every gay porn in a duck blind.

01:38:05.000 Oh my god.

01:38:06.000 Every gay porn would start with a...

01:38:08.000 That's so funny.

01:38:09.000 They're wearing camo and they're duck hunting and then someone would come in, a black guy would come in and go, something about duck hunting make me haunt.

01:38:17.000 That like duck whistle thing?

01:38:19.000 Oh my god.

01:38:20.000 My friend worked on, my friend Mike who I stayed with worked on Duck Dynasty so he knows all those guys.

01:38:24.000 What is that?

01:38:25.000 That seemed like a trip.

01:38:26.000 Are they butt-fucking all the time when no one's working?

01:38:28.000 I don't think so, but...

01:38:30.000 You know, it is funny when you take just a family and then you make them stars.

01:38:35.000 And they cross between reality and all that stuff.

01:38:39.000 And then they go crazy.

01:38:40.000 And then all of a sudden they're on their own and they get interviewed and they say something really crazy.

01:38:45.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:38:46.000 The minute they're not...

01:38:47.000 Some TMZ guy puts a camera in their face.

01:38:50.000 Are they still doing that show?

01:38:51.000 I don't think so.

01:38:52.000 How could they stop?

01:38:53.000 It seems like it was just printing money.

01:38:55.000 Yeah, I wonder.

01:38:56.000 I mean, maybe they are.

01:38:57.000 I know my friend doesn't work for them anymore.

01:38:59.000 But yeah, are they still doing Duck Dynasty?

01:39:05.000 Yeah, I don't know how...

01:39:06.000 I give him the credit for Duck Dynasty, whether he wants it or not.

01:39:09.000 I don't know how that show...

01:39:10.000 Final episode, March 29th, 2017. How does that show end, ever?

01:39:16.000 It feels like a smart producer should step in and go, Hey guys, it's been a couple of years.

01:39:20.000 I'm sure you've had a lot of wacky stories.

01:39:22.000 I don't know.

01:39:22.000 Someone falls asleep with a cigarette in their mouth.

01:39:24.000 I don't know.

01:39:25.000 It's gone.

01:39:26.000 Yeah.

01:39:27.000 All that camo, gone.

01:39:29.000 It's just...

01:39:30.000 It's weird.

01:39:31.000 If you watch that show, it's like, there's nothing compelling about it at all, but it was an enormous hit.

01:39:37.000 Yeah.

01:39:38.000 Just a bunch of people doing duck stuff.

01:39:40.000 There is something about reality TV, though, where you're just like, it's so thoughtless.

01:39:45.000 You just don't have to.

01:39:46.000 You're just being taken on this dumb, dumb ride, and you're just like, you know?

01:39:51.000 It's just nothing happening.

01:39:53.000 It's like, alright.

01:39:54.000 Next thing you know, you're watching people dissect a storage container.

01:39:58.000 Yeah, but you know what I really like is Survivor.

01:40:01.000 That one I still like.

01:40:02.000 Survivor.

01:40:03.000 I still like Survivor.

01:40:04.000 I think it's the number one reality show.

01:40:06.000 Because it's making people...

01:40:08.000 It's taking away all of their comforts, and they still have to communicate with each other, play games with each other.

01:40:16.000 They have to...

01:40:17.000 They're starving.

01:40:18.000 They have to do these physical...

01:40:20.000 It's still...

01:40:20.000 You're watching people be like tested and put to the limit.

01:40:23.000 What season is that on?

01:40:24.000 Oh my god.

01:40:24.000 There's so many seasons.

01:40:26.000 It's like season one million.

01:40:27.000 I've seen all of them.

01:40:28.000 It's so good.

01:40:28.000 I don't pay attention to them fully so I can re-watch them at some point.

01:40:31.000 I've watched them a couple times.

01:40:33.000 That show was on before Fear Factor.

01:40:35.000 So we started Fear Factor in 2001. So that show was probably on in 2000. Yeah.

01:40:41.000 And 19 years later...

01:40:43.000 It's in the 30s now.

01:40:44.000 30 seasons or something.

01:40:46.000 30 seasons.

01:40:46.000 33rd, yeah.

01:40:47.000 I'm embarrassed that I don't know it because that's how much I love this time.

01:40:49.000 Is it still a hit?

01:40:50.000 Yeah.

01:40:50.000 It's amazing.

01:40:51.000 Listen, people either are on to Survivor or they're not.

01:40:53.000 Well, they've actually done 38 episodes or seasons somehow it says, but this is the 33rd.

01:40:58.000 Yeah, they do several a year.

01:40:59.000 Now, is it still Jeff Probst?

01:41:01.000 Is he still the host?

01:41:02.000 It's still Jeff Probst.

01:41:02.000 He's still the host.

01:41:04.000 He's still under the radar.

01:41:05.000 Jeff Probst just gets those checks and stays home.

01:41:08.000 Yeah, but here's the deal.

01:41:10.000 I've seen him driving around.

01:41:11.000 He had his little summer fedora.

01:41:12.000 He was riding in his Prius.

01:41:14.000 He drives a Prius?

01:41:16.000 This was like three years ago.

01:41:17.000 I saw him driving around.

01:41:18.000 Stockpiling all the cheese?

01:41:19.000 Yeah, maybe he's Rich Dad Poor Dad.

01:41:21.000 No, I mean, he must have all his money just stocked away.

01:41:24.000 He's driving around in a Prius.

01:41:27.000 I love the show.

01:41:28.000 It's so good.

01:41:29.000 They could take this away from him at any moment.

01:41:32.000 If somebody replaced him, would you notice?

01:41:34.000 Is he an integral part of the show?

01:41:36.000 I think people would be upset.

01:41:38.000 They would be upset?

01:41:39.000 What if Mario Lopez took his spot?

01:41:41.000 I think people would be very upset.

01:41:42.000 I think they'd be extra upset.

01:41:43.000 What if Adam Carolla took his spot?

01:41:46.000 It would get cancelled.

01:41:48.000 People would be like, Trump, no!

01:41:50.000 Is he a Trump supporter?

01:41:52.000 I think so.

01:41:52.000 Adam?

01:41:53.000 I think so.

01:41:54.000 But I don't know for sure.

01:41:56.000 I don't want to call anyone anything.

01:41:57.000 I think he's conservative.

01:41:59.000 I think he is a Trump supporter, though.

01:42:00.000 Some people get conservative when they start making money, though.

01:42:04.000 Listen, everyone has the right to be whatever the fuck they are.

01:42:06.000 Oh, you think?

01:42:07.000 I think so.

01:42:08.000 What about Nazis?

01:42:09.000 They have more of a right.

01:42:11.000 A third right.

01:42:13.000 I don't think that's right.

01:42:15.000 I think it's something.

01:42:16.000 That's a different word.

01:42:17.000 Reich?

01:42:19.000 What does that even mean?

01:42:20.000 What is Third Reich?

01:42:21.000 I don't know.

01:42:22.000 I don't even literally don't.

01:42:23.000 I mean, I know what the Third Reich is, but I don't even know what it means.

01:42:27.000 Take a guess.

01:42:30.000 I literally have no idea what that means.

01:42:31.000 I know it means the Nazis, right?

01:42:33.000 I don't know.

01:42:33.000 Third Reich?

01:42:34.000 But what does it mean?

01:42:36.000 In German?

01:42:37.000 But isn't that a funny thing?

01:42:38.000 That's like, Third Reich is like, everyone knows, Nazis.

01:42:41.000 But no one knows what the fuck that means.

01:42:43.000 The etymology?

01:42:44.000 Yeah.

01:42:45.000 You with the big words.

01:42:46.000 I know a few.

01:42:46.000 What does it mean?

01:42:47.000 Third regime or empire or third realm or...

01:42:52.000 Huh.

01:42:52.000 So the third version of the Nazi party?

01:42:55.000 The first was the Holy Roman Empire, which lasted until 1806. The second would be 1871 to 1918. And this was the third.

01:43:02.000 Interesting.

01:43:03.000 So they were just, they were considering themselves to be the third rulers of the world like the Romans.

01:43:10.000 Interesting.

01:43:11.000 Yeah, what a mess.

01:43:12.000 And the crazy thing is that that was not that long ago.

01:43:15.000 It was not that long ago.

01:43:16.000 Not even a hundred years ago.

01:43:17.000 It was not that long ago at all.

01:43:18.000 Have you ever seen the video of Hitler tweaking at the 1936 Olympics?

01:43:21.000 Twerking?

01:43:22.000 Tweak.

01:43:23.000 Like, speed.

01:43:24.000 He was on serious speed.

01:43:26.000 We were with Brian Moses.

01:43:28.000 Brian Moses was saying that Hitler was into bull semen.

01:43:32.000 And I was like, what?

01:43:33.000 And he's like, yeah.

01:43:34.000 And then we found out that taurine, which is in Red Bull, actually is from bull semen.

01:43:39.000 Oh.

01:43:39.000 Oh, my God!

01:43:40.000 That's so fun.

01:43:41.000 That's why I like Red Bull.

01:43:41.000 Look at this.

01:43:42.000 That's Hitler tweaking.

01:43:44.000 Oh, my God.

01:43:45.000 Look at him go.

01:43:46.000 He is straight up tweaking at the Olympics.

01:43:48.000 So he was on all kinds of crazy speed.

01:43:50.000 And then we read this thing about how he was incredibly fatigued and almost dying.

01:43:55.000 And he got injected with...

01:44:00.000 Testosterone and cocaine and oxycodone.

01:44:02.000 Wasn't gonna make that dick, bro.

01:44:04.000 And then went and talked Mussolini out of leaving the war.

01:44:08.000 Because Mussolini wanted to get the fuck out of World War II and Hitler went and just talked at him for five hours.

01:44:17.000 All coked up and oxycodoned out and bullcum dripping down his throat.

01:44:22.000 Oh my god.

01:44:23.000 Yeah.

01:44:24.000 How did he extract the bullcum?

01:44:26.000 I don't know, but bull semen apparently has this taurine stuff in it, and they extract taurine from some other method to make the taurines in Red Bull.

01:44:33.000 Actually, that's what the guys at the Pray the Gay Away camp do.

01:44:38.000 That's their job.

01:44:38.000 Take it away from the tap?

01:44:40.000 Mm-hmm.

01:44:41.000 They're extracting it.

01:44:42.000 If you suck a bull's dick, you deserve all that.

01:44:44.000 Well, do you remember?

01:44:44.000 I always think about that horse guy in Zoo, the documentary.

01:44:48.000 Oh, yeah.

01:44:48.000 That documentary's amazing.

01:44:49.000 That video of the horse...

01:44:51.000 And the part that I'm traumatized by is not the fucking part, okay?

01:44:55.000 No.

01:44:56.000 And do you remember the scene?

01:44:57.000 Okay, so he gets up on the bucket, right?

01:44:58.000 Yeah.

01:44:58.000 And then, you know, they need, like, several people to grab this giant horse cock and put it in his ass.

01:45:03.000 And then the horse rams him only once.

01:45:06.000 Right.

01:45:06.000 And then he goes...

01:45:07.000 This is the part that got me.

01:45:09.000 He goes...

01:45:10.000 He looks back and he goes, did he come?

01:45:12.000 Like he was so concerned if the horse came.

01:45:14.000 I was like, oh my god.

01:45:16.000 Yeah, and the guy made a noise.

01:45:17.000 Like a noise where you're dying.

01:45:20.000 He was.

01:45:22.000 He died so soon after.

01:45:23.000 And then his friend goes, too much?

01:45:26.000 Too much.

01:45:27.000 Like, did you get too much horse dick?

01:45:29.000 Did you get too much horse dick?

01:45:29.000 And he did.

01:45:30.000 He died.

01:45:31.000 If you look at the math, the size of a horse dick and the size of a body cavity, it's like, where is it going?

01:45:37.000 What's getting out of the way to make room for that dick?

01:45:40.000 Oh, boy.

01:45:41.000 They dropped him off at the hospital.

01:45:43.000 They rolled him out?

01:45:44.000 And he was bleeding.

01:45:45.000 He bled out.

01:45:46.000 He had bled out from his asshole.

01:45:48.000 He died happy.

01:45:49.000 I don't think he did.

01:45:51.000 You don't think he was like, maybe this was worth it?

01:45:53.000 I don't think exactly.

01:45:53.000 If the horse had come, do you think he would have been worth it?

01:45:55.000 He would have thought it was worth it?

01:45:56.000 The horse did come.

01:45:57.000 But do you know that this whole thing, they had hundreds and hundreds of hours of footage of him getting fucked by donkeys and horses and a bunch of other people that these people had met online.

01:46:07.000 And the zoophilia, right, is the medical terminology for someone who's sexually attracted to farm animals.

01:46:16.000 Or animals, period.

01:46:17.000 And so these people all met online in some chat room and then decided to get together in Washington State where it was still legal to fuck animals.

01:46:25.000 There's like only a few states where it's okay.

01:46:27.000 It's so funny that there has to be a law.

01:46:29.000 Yeah, there has to be a law.

01:46:31.000 Aren't you just so happy that's not what you're into?

01:46:33.000 I just wake up so grateful and blessed.

01:46:35.000 I go, thank God.

01:46:37.000 Right.

01:46:37.000 Could you imagine if that was your trick?

01:46:39.000 Oh, thank God.

01:46:40.000 Thank you.

01:46:41.000 You can't control that, right?

01:46:43.000 Like, some people are into feet.

01:46:44.000 Some people are into getting fucked by horses.

01:46:46.000 Oh, I was segueing into feet, huh?

01:46:48.000 Yeah.

01:46:49.000 Yes, people are into feet.

01:46:51.000 Have you heard?

01:46:52.000 I've heard they're into feet.

01:46:53.000 I can't believe it.

01:46:54.000 Well, I was reading up on it that it's the part of the brain that handles your genitals and your feet are right next to their adjacent.

01:47:03.000 So sometimes they think that the wires get crossed.

01:47:06.000 And the guy that studied it was a guy who studied phantom limb syndrome.

01:47:13.000 So he was following up on these people's brains where they would feel that they still had a foot or whatever.

01:47:16.000 And some guys would get horny.

01:47:18.000 It would get their brain so it was just like crossed.

01:47:21.000 They would get horny thinking of their own knot foot.

01:47:26.000 Thank you.

01:47:28.000 Thank you.

01:47:49.000 I mean, my little feet pussies just walking around.

01:47:53.000 So then I noticed the WikiFeet thing, and then people were DMing me all the time to see my feet, and I just was like, you don't get this.

01:48:01.000 Have you talked to Whitney about her DMs?

01:48:04.000 Whitney shares DMs with us sometimes.

01:48:05.000 That's so funny.

01:48:06.000 There's a group chatterman with Nick Swartzen and Crystalia and Whitney, and she'll post pictures of her DMs.

01:48:11.000 It's like, what in the fuck?

01:48:14.000 Yeah, they're wild.

01:48:15.000 I do a thing on my podcast and on my live stream sometimes where I sage my pussy at the end of the night.

01:48:21.000 Sage it?

01:48:22.000 I get sage and I just, yeah, just to break the negative dick cords that were sent to me.

01:48:27.000 The unwanted dick cords from all these dudes.

01:48:30.000 I'm like, yeah, put your dick cords away.

01:48:32.000 But you know, people are pervs.

01:48:34.000 What are you going to do?

01:48:34.000 I just make fun of them.

01:48:35.000 But it's more guys that are pervs than girls that are pervs with stuff like feet and stuff.

01:48:41.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:48:41.000 Is there a thing that girls are into that's kind of gross?

01:48:44.000 Money.

01:48:46.000 It's so gross.

01:48:47.000 But that makes sense.

01:48:48.000 Like money can keep...

01:48:49.000 If you don't like your job and you find a guy with money.

01:48:52.000 Some people are into like fat guys.

01:48:53.000 Some people are into...

01:48:53.000 I don't know.

01:48:54.000 People are into all different things, but...

01:48:56.000 But not in the same way.

01:48:57.000 It's not the same.

01:48:58.000 You're right.

01:48:58.000 It's not the same.

01:48:58.000 Some guys are into fat girls too, but there's a big difference between that and feet.

01:49:03.000 Men are just very...

01:49:05.000 Gross.

01:49:05.000 You're gross, but it's biologically your dicks are just...

01:49:08.000 Your dicks are just dragging you through the world.

01:49:12.000 Right.

01:49:12.000 And it's just got to be acknowledged.

01:49:14.000 We can't pretend this isn't a thing.

01:49:15.000 It's true.

01:49:15.000 Just dragging you.

01:49:16.000 It's just that's not...

01:49:17.000 We're like breastfeeding and shit.

01:49:18.000 We're thinking about other shit.

01:49:20.000 In archery, there's a term called front of center, meaning how much weight is in the front of the arrow.

01:49:27.000 Right.

01:49:27.000 It determines how much penetration the arrow will have on an animal.

01:49:31.000 I'm getting so horny.

01:49:32.000 This is so weird.

01:49:33.000 What are you talking about?

01:49:33.000 It's like the thing with dicks.

01:49:35.000 It's like dicks are like your front of center.

01:49:37.000 It's like dragging you forward.

01:49:39.000 No, they're just...

01:49:40.000 I feel like you guys should be holding yourselves back through doorways because your dicks are pulling you through things.

01:49:45.000 And it makes life a lot easier when you just realize that.

01:49:48.000 But I think it's like...

01:49:49.000 I just have only grown up a girl, so I just didn't...

01:49:52.000 I knew, obviously, because I've...

01:49:54.000 Had a lot of sexual attention, even very young, but it's just like, your dicks are a thing.

01:50:02.000 They're a fucking thing.

01:50:03.000 Well, there's a reason why there's seven billion people, and it's not necessarily because women are that horny.

01:50:09.000 Right.

01:50:10.000 I think it's just, dudes are trying so hard to fuck.

01:50:13.000 I know.

01:50:13.000 Because your body's compelled.

01:50:14.000 I mean, this is an evolutionary thing, and it used to be really hard to stay alive.

01:50:18.000 Not that long ago.

01:50:19.000 And now it's really easy.

01:50:20.000 And we're kind of left with the burden of this shift.

01:50:24.000 Our brains and our biology hasn't really caught up to the fact that we don't need to have as many people as we used to.

01:50:34.000 We used to have a 50% mortality rate amongst children.

01:50:38.000 It was very difficult to survive.

01:50:41.000 That was just in China, too.

01:50:42.000 You're seeing more shifting with those guys in that video, these beta guys, the one guy calling out for people to stop being distracting and the other one calling out for people to stop using gendered language.

01:50:55.000 Who are they?

01:50:56.000 Well, they wouldn't survive if the Roman army was invading.

01:51:01.000 They would have never made it.

01:51:02.000 Yeah, I wonder who's fucking them.

01:51:04.000 Nobody.

01:51:05.000 Nobody.

01:51:05.000 Maybe they're just men that aren't driven by that, you know?

01:51:08.000 No, that's not true.

01:51:09.000 That's just as good as they can get.

01:51:10.000 They just...

01:51:11.000 Genes, circumstances...

01:51:12.000 They're getting attention and stuff from it.

01:51:14.000 Yes, it's a mess.

01:51:15.000 They're a mess.

01:51:16.000 This is just non-survival.

01:51:18.000 It's so weird how much of our caveman shit is still there and how much of the survival stuff...

01:51:22.000 I've been listening to a lot of therapy podcasts.

01:51:25.000 There's this one called The Adult Chair.

01:51:27.000 It's this woman, Michelle Chalfant.

01:51:29.000 And she's...

01:51:30.000 Just, it's all about dealing, like, with your inner child and all of your instincts.

01:51:36.000 She has, like, the adolescent chair and the adult chair.

01:51:39.000 And your adolescent chair is all of your ego and your emotions and your fight or flight.

01:51:44.000 Like, all of that, the stuff that you do, the procrastination.

01:51:47.000 Whatever is your problem.

01:51:49.000 Like, why is that happening?

01:51:50.000 There's something that's coming from either your child chair or...

01:51:53.000 Something from your childhood, or things like socially, when you have social anxiety and panic attacks and stuff, so much of it could be just back from, in the days, if you were excommunicated from your tribe, you would die.

01:52:04.000 Yes, for sure.

01:52:05.000 If you weren't a part of the club, you would fucking die.

01:52:08.000 Whitney Cummins is explaining that to me.

01:52:10.000 That's the reason why people are afraid of public speaking, is that when you were speaking in front of a group, you were trying to save your life.

01:52:17.000 You were trying to plead your case, for the most part.

01:52:20.000 Unless you were the leader of the tribe, most of the people were just trying to say, please, I didn't know, and don't kill me.

01:52:28.000 Is that how you feel walking around?

01:52:30.000 Me?

01:52:30.000 No.

01:52:31.000 No, but some people do.

01:52:32.000 At the comedy store, people are like, merciful king!

01:52:35.000 No, you know how I feel walking around?

01:52:37.000 I feel like they don't...

01:52:38.000 It's like, they don't have anybody...

01:52:44.000 Here's the way to put it.

01:52:45.000 When you are listening to someone all the time, and that person's in your ear, that person becomes like a weird part of your life, and then you meet them, and you're like, whoa, this is crazy that you're right here.

01:52:56.000 I've experienced that.

01:52:58.000 When I first met Anthony Bourdain, I was weirded out.

01:53:00.000 I was like, I can't believe you're right here.

01:53:02.000 This is so weird.

01:53:03.000 And I've gotten used to that over time, but still, it's strange when I meet famous people.

01:53:09.000 And it's even weirder when I meet famous people and they know me.

01:53:13.000 I'm like, you know me, okay.

01:53:14.000 And then we become famous people together.

01:53:16.000 Like, hi, famous person, let's hug it out.

01:53:18.000 I've seen that before.

01:53:20.000 It's fucking strange.

01:53:20.000 When two famous people just see, and then you're already in this weird club of famous people.

01:53:25.000 It's strange.

01:53:26.000 Automatically famous people club.

01:53:28.000 Well, it's not a normal state, and people that enjoy the podcast, it becomes a part of their life, and maybe it benefits them, and maybe they start getting motivated and cleaning up their life and start being healthier and exercising and eating better,

01:53:44.000 and then it becomes just like...

01:53:47.000 Almost like a religion kind of thing.

01:53:49.000 Because it becomes the thing that you think of, you know, in terms of like how to benefit your life, how to live in a positive way.

01:53:56.000 You think about the things you learned on the podcast, almost like you would look at a religious doctrine.

01:54:00.000 You look at the teachings of Christ, you know, you look at the teachings of Moses, or you look at like, oh, what Rhonda Patrick said was this.

01:54:08.000 Oh, well, you know, what Graham Hancock was talking about that.

01:54:11.000 Your voice is like in their head.

01:54:13.000 You're like an unhired coach.

01:54:14.000 Yeah.

01:54:15.000 Well, there's a little bit of that.

01:54:16.000 And it also represents my own quest to try to figure out my own life and to do it publicly and explain what I've learned and how I've failed and what I've gotten better at.

01:54:27.000 It helps other people when you hear that because you go, oh, okay, I'm not alone.

01:54:32.000 Because people think that if your life is in order right now, that it's always been like that.

01:54:37.000 So I think it really helps people to hear, like, oh, I used to be a fucking loser.

01:54:42.000 Yeah.

01:54:42.000 And I did.

01:54:43.000 And I used to be scared to talk to bank tellers.

01:54:45.000 And it was true.

01:54:46.000 I used to be weirded out socially.

01:54:48.000 It was very strange.

01:54:49.000 Now can they hear your voice over the cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching?

01:54:52.000 Cha-ching?

01:54:53.000 Because you're rich.

01:54:54.000 Oh.

01:54:55.000 That's in your head.

01:54:56.000 You're so rich.

01:54:57.000 You're my richest friend.

01:54:58.000 Am I? Probably.

01:54:59.000 I'm guessing.

01:55:00.000 Probably.

01:55:01.000 I can't imagine who's richer.

01:55:02.000 Well, someday you'll be rich too.

01:55:04.000 I can't wait.

01:55:05.000 We'll laugh together.

01:55:05.000 We'll laugh.

01:55:06.000 You have laughed at me before.

01:55:07.000 Will you get those same kind of glasses but surround them with diamonds?

01:55:11.000 Yeah, I want to get jewels.

01:55:12.000 I can see those being surrounded with diamonds.

01:55:13.000 How long do you think it's going to take?

01:55:15.000 To surround them with diamonds?

01:55:16.000 Yeah.

01:55:16.000 You just ordered them.

01:55:17.000 You don't even think about it because you're too busy doing other things.

01:55:20.000 I'm so busy.

01:55:21.000 Yes, so busy.

01:55:22.000 Are you culturally appropriating with those hoop earrings?

01:55:25.000 Have you heard my joke about that?

01:55:27.000 No.

01:55:28.000 About how I got accused of cultural appropriation for wearing these hoops?

01:55:31.000 It's hilarious.

01:55:32.000 Who accused you?

01:55:34.000 My best friend.

01:55:35.000 She's black.

01:55:36.000 But I did slide them off her neck.

01:55:38.000 She's African.

01:55:41.000 I do want to be a part of her tribe.

01:55:43.000 That's the joke.

01:55:44.000 That is the craziest shit when they stretch their neck out with those things.

01:55:46.000 I know.

01:55:46.000 I'm like...

01:55:47.000 This is when you can get mad at the Jenners for cultural preparation.

01:55:50.000 It's when they have the lip plate.

01:55:52.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:55:53.000 When they come with the stretched out thing.

01:55:55.000 Suri women.

01:55:55.000 Yeah.

01:55:56.000 It's just...

01:55:57.000 Cultural preparation is a weird...

01:55:59.000 I don't know.

01:55:59.000 I think we should all be dressing alike.

01:56:01.000 I think it's cool.

01:56:02.000 That we all should be...

01:56:03.000 I think people should be...

01:56:04.000 I mean, you shouldn't be disrespecting people's culture and stuff, but I don't know what...

01:56:08.000 Most of what we're calling cultural appropriation today is people looking for a reason to complain.

01:56:13.000 Cultural appropriation is one of the reasons why cities are so interesting.

01:56:17.000 Because we share each other's food, we share each other's clothes, and listen to each other's music, and wear each other's jewelry.

01:56:24.000 It's nonsense.

01:56:25.000 And what's interesting is how many people from America are upset about things, but then when people from China or Japan find out that we're wearing Japanese geisha clothes.

01:56:36.000 We also do bukkake?

01:56:37.000 They're so pissed.

01:56:38.000 No, they like it.

01:56:39.000 They're happy.

01:56:40.000 I feel like there's been times where I've just done stuff online.

01:56:45.000 You know, I'll have a bit or whatever and then someone else starts doing it and you get mad at that.

01:56:50.000 Well, that's different.

01:56:52.000 Not a bit, not a joke.

01:56:53.000 I mean, just like a thing I'm doing.

01:56:54.000 Well, that's different because then you feel like someone's copying you.

01:56:58.000 Whatever.

01:56:58.000 That happens all the time.

01:57:00.000 But then some people get mad like, oh, I'm doing a podcast.

01:57:03.000 Now he's doing a podcast.

01:57:04.000 Are you copying me?

01:57:05.000 Like, hey, fuckface.

01:57:06.000 You don't own podcasts.

01:57:07.000 That's ridiculous.

01:57:08.000 I have a podcast that's called The Joe Rogan Experience.

01:57:10.000 That's fine.

01:57:12.000 I've literally had that conversation with people where they were like mad that now he's doing a podcast.

01:57:16.000 I'm like, what are you talking about, stupid?

01:57:18.000 There's 600,000 fucking podcasts.

01:57:20.000 Also, it just doesn't have to do with you.

01:57:21.000 Right.

01:57:22.000 Focus.

01:57:22.000 Aim your arrow, bitch.

01:57:24.000 Handle your own life.

01:57:26.000 Deal with your own shit.

01:57:28.000 I have lived as a victim for many years.

01:57:30.000 There is a benefit to it because you're always fed it.

01:57:34.000 If you are looking at the world like you're a victim, you will be given everything you need.

01:57:39.000 Please don't stop using gendered language.

01:57:43.000 Everyone's going to be disappointing you.

01:57:44.000 Everyone's going to be upsetting you.

01:57:45.000 Or...

01:57:47.000 You can just accept some fucking responsibility and it feels so good.

01:57:51.000 It feels good.

01:57:52.000 It does feel good.

01:57:53.000 Yeah, I mean, it feels good to be calm and to just be at peace.

01:57:57.000 And, you know, there's a lot of work involved in that.

01:57:59.000 You've got to fucking meditate.

01:58:01.000 You've got to iron out your own stuff.

01:58:02.000 You've got to exercise.

01:58:03.000 It's a work in progress.

01:58:06.000 Yes, we all are.

01:58:07.000 I'm fucking trying, man.

01:58:08.000 I'm fucking trying.

01:58:10.000 I have to wrap this up.

01:58:11.000 If anybody wants to see you, you are at the Comedy Store on a regular basis.

01:58:15.000 You got any other dates?

01:58:15.000 I'm at the Comedy Store on a regular basis.

01:58:17.000 I'm at the Blue Room in Missouri.

01:58:22.000 What's the blue room?

01:58:23.000 Let's look it up right now.

01:58:24.000 Is it a city in Missouri?

01:58:25.000 Or is it just you have to find it in the state?

01:58:27.000 It's a big state.

01:58:29.000 Is there a place?

01:58:29.000 Let's look it up.

01:58:31.000 Alright.

01:58:32.000 I should have had this ready.

01:58:33.000 You don't even know where you are?

01:58:34.000 When is this?

01:58:34.000 It's Springfield, Missouri.

01:58:36.000 Talk into the microphone.

01:58:37.000 It's in Springfield, Missouri.

01:58:40.000 When is that?

01:58:41.000 It is not this weekend, next weekend.

01:58:44.000 It is on August 17th and 18th in Springfield, Missouri.

01:58:49.000 Do you have a website where people can find all this stuff?

01:58:51.000 Annie Letterman dot com.

01:58:53.000 And Annie Letterman on Instagram.

01:58:55.000 On Instagram.

01:58:55.000 I'm also at GoBananas October, the third weekend in October.

01:59:00.000 Which one?

01:59:00.000 GoBananas in Cincinnati.

01:59:02.000 Beautiful.

01:59:05.000 At the end of October.

01:59:07.000 Second to last weekend.

01:59:08.000 I should have found these ready.

01:59:09.000 And my new podcast.

01:59:12.000 Meinspiration on all things comedy.

01:59:14.000 What is it called?

01:59:15.000 Meinspiration?

01:59:15.000 Meinspiration, yeah.

01:59:16.000 Okay.

01:59:17.000 Annie?

01:59:18.000 Thank you.

01:59:18.000 Thank you, Joe.

01:59:19.000 Good to see you, my friend.

01:59:20.000 You too.

01:59:21.000 Yeah, I'll see you tonight.

01:59:22.000 Bye, everybody.

01:59:23.000 Bye, guys.

01:59:26.000 Joe!

01:59:27.000 That was fun.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 07, 2019

Joe Rogan Experience #1332 - Annie Lederman

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