The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1371

00:00:01.000 Two.

00:00:02.000 One.

00:00:04.000 Hi, Andrew Santino.

00:00:06.000 What's up, Mr. Rogan?

00:00:07.000 This is great.

00:00:07.000 It's still sober, October?

00:00:08.000 Still sober.

00:00:09.000 You can have real drinks.

00:00:10.000 No, I'm not going to have real drinks.

00:00:12.000 I'm going to have this.

00:00:12.000 I'm going to have some of this.

00:00:13.000 Cheers, I'll have some of this.

00:00:17.000 It's good, right?

00:00:18.000 Oh, yeah, it's pretty good.

00:00:23.000 I know you want to get fucked up, but you can't.

00:00:25.000 How about that?

00:00:25.000 I'm not gonna, man.

00:00:26.000 How about that?

00:00:27.000 I'm not gonna.

00:00:28.000 I need time for my stomach to clear out.

00:00:29.000 Do you think you could do Sober October?

00:00:31.000 No, you know I can't do that shit.

00:00:32.000 You can't do it?

00:00:33.000 No.

00:00:33.000 A month?

00:00:34.000 How about a week?

00:00:34.000 I could do Sober Week.

00:00:36.000 So you could do the first week of Sober October?

00:00:38.000 Yeah, I could do the first week.

00:00:39.000 Maybe like the first week this year, next year you do two weeks.

00:00:44.000 I could do a sober month, but October sucks for me.

00:00:48.000 It's my birthday in October, so I don't want to take it off, you know?

00:00:52.000 Also, I like drinking too much.

00:00:55.000 You like it a lot.

00:00:55.000 I can stop weed and anything else.

00:00:59.000 Not booze?

00:01:00.000 No, I can't.

00:01:00.000 Do you want a drink?

00:01:01.000 Nah.

00:01:02.000 I got booze right over there?

00:01:03.000 No, my tummy's so sensitive still.

00:01:04.000 Yeah, you're all a mess.

00:01:05.000 Let's tell everybody what happened.

00:01:08.000 So, no offense to Hilarities, which is a great comedy club.

00:01:12.000 We stopped there Saturday night after our show in Cleveland.

00:01:16.000 We went over to say hi to our friend Jesse May Peluso, who was headlining there.

00:01:20.000 And what was the dude's name?

00:01:22.000 Andrew.

00:01:23.000 Andrew.

00:01:24.000 I don't remember.

00:01:25.000 Funny guy.

00:01:26.000 Anyway, so we say hi to them and they graciously, the owners of the club, graciously asked if we were hungry.

00:01:34.000 We said, sure, we could eat.

00:01:35.000 They have a nice menu.

00:01:36.000 Why not?

00:01:36.000 So I had the prime rib.

00:01:38.000 It was excellent.

00:01:39.000 And you had a steak with some vegetables.

00:01:42.000 That's right.

00:01:42.000 I had a bunch of vegetables on the side.

00:01:43.000 This is probably around midnight.

00:01:45.000 Mm-hmm.

00:01:45.000 And then we get on a plane at like 6 in the morning.

00:01:49.000 We are flying back home.

00:01:53.000 And I pass out.

00:01:54.000 And then the lady wakes me up.

00:01:57.000 It's like a movie.

00:01:58.000 The lady wakes me up.

00:01:59.000 And I look over you.

00:02:00.000 You're like, dude, I'm not good.

00:02:01.000 I'm not good.

00:02:02.000 I'm not doing good.

00:02:03.000 What's the matter?

00:02:03.000 What happened?

00:02:04.000 We had walked through the airport cracking jokes like we always do.

00:02:09.000 Having a great old time.

00:02:10.000 Everything seemed normal.

00:02:11.000 He didn't seem sick at all.

00:02:12.000 Uh-uh.

00:02:13.000 He fell asleep.

00:02:14.000 Tell everybody what happened.

00:02:15.000 I fall asleep.

00:02:16.000 I woke up, like in Fight Club, when you're like, when he wakes up, he's like, on the plane, like my breath caught myself, and I sprinted to the bathroom, and I was like, so out of it, and I think the head rush had got me all fucked up, and I sat down, and I blacked out and passed out for a second, and I woke up,

00:02:31.000 and I'm throwing up.

00:02:32.000 I mean, I am hurling, dude.

00:02:34.000 You woke up throwing up.

00:02:35.000 Throwing up, just...

00:02:37.000 As I wake up, I'm spitting.

00:02:39.000 And I'm like holding on to the sides.

00:02:41.000 Like, I can't believe what's...

00:02:42.000 Like, I'm so disoriented.

00:02:43.000 And I walk out and I grab the flight attendant and I was like, is there a doctor on the plane?

00:02:48.000 Like, something's fucking wrong.

00:02:50.000 Like, I don't feel good.

00:02:50.000 And right then my stomach was like burbling again.

00:02:53.000 And she's like, oh my god, you're like pale as a fucking ghost.

00:02:55.000 And I was like...

00:02:56.000 You're always pale as a ghost.

00:02:56.000 I'm like, I'm like this bitch.

00:02:57.000 This is what I look like.

00:02:58.000 He's a ginger.

00:02:59.000 She goes, go sit down.

00:03:00.000 I'll get somebody.

00:03:01.000 This nurse was on there.

00:03:02.000 This guy Garrett.

00:03:03.000 Super nice.

00:03:04.000 And he asked...

00:03:05.000 He was right in front of us.

00:03:06.000 Like a row up.

00:03:07.000 And he asked to switch seats with Joe, and he sat with me, and I was hurling, dude.

00:03:11.000 Dude, for the first time in my life, I puked in those bags.

00:03:13.000 You know when you're like, nobody pukes in those fucking bags?

00:03:15.000 I did it.

00:03:16.000 I watched you.

00:03:16.000 I puked in that fucking bag like three times.

00:03:18.000 And then he saw undigested food in there.

00:03:20.000 Tons of undigested food in there.

00:03:21.000 And I was pretty sure it was food poisoning, because I've had food poisoning before, and sometimes it comes on pretty quick.

00:03:27.000 You knocked it on the nose.

00:03:28.000 Well, that's what he thought it was, too.

00:03:29.000 He goes...

00:03:30.000 He was asking me, he's like, what did you have last night?

00:03:31.000 I said, I had two drinks at the show, and I had a couple of beers after with Jessamay and her friend...

00:03:35.000 And he was like, did you take any street drugs?

00:03:38.000 Yeah, that's what he said.

00:03:39.000 He said street drugs.

00:03:41.000 Did you take any back alley drugs?

00:03:43.000 I said, no, man.

00:03:44.000 I swear to God, he thought I was lying.

00:03:45.000 What about ditch?

00:03:45.000 Any ditch drugs?

00:03:46.000 Any ditch drugs?

00:03:47.000 Any forest drugs?

00:03:48.000 Any sewer shit?

00:03:49.000 So I told him the truth.

00:03:50.000 I said, dude, I didn't take any drugs last night.

00:03:52.000 And he was like, okay.

00:03:53.000 And when he told me, he looked in there and he goes, oh, you have undigested food, which means your body's rejecting it without processing it.

00:03:59.000 So it must be, you got a bug of some kind.

00:04:01.000 Because, dude, when I grabbed you and I go, bro, something's wrong.

00:04:05.000 Like, this is not...

00:04:06.000 It was very nerve-wracking because I was out of it.

00:04:08.000 Yeah, you were totally asleep.

00:04:09.000 I passed out.

00:04:10.000 And I was so confused.

00:04:11.000 I was like, how?

00:04:12.000 But you were okay?

00:04:13.000 Yeah.

00:04:13.000 I'm like, did he have a stroke?

00:04:15.000 Dude, it was creepy.

00:04:16.000 I felt for a second in the bathroom like something medically was really, really wrong.

00:04:20.000 My instinct was, oh, I must be like sick or something's wrong.

00:04:23.000 But then when I kept like having this urge to yarg, I was like, mm-mm, something's really going on.

00:04:28.000 I was assuming that it was the vegetables because a lot of times people get it from poorly handled salad.

00:04:35.000 Yeah.

00:04:35.000 People get- It was bad.

00:04:37.000 If they don't wash the leaves and everything real good, people can get food poisoning from salad.

00:04:41.000 It's apparently one of the most common ways people get food poisoning.

00:04:44.000 Was from salad and shit?

00:04:45.000 From salad.

00:04:46.000 Yeah.

00:04:46.000 Well, dude, it was just, you know.

00:04:47.000 And the guy was so nice.

00:04:48.000 He sat with me the whole time, but he could tell.

00:04:50.000 He was like, are you doing okay?

00:04:51.000 And every couple of minutes, I'd feel like I had to throw...

00:04:54.000 When water can't stay down, I think that's the key when you're like chugging water, chugging water.

00:04:58.000 He's like, don't chug too fast.

00:04:59.000 I'm like, why?

00:05:00.000 He's like, because...

00:05:00.000 And then I'm just like...

00:05:01.000 He's like, because of that, bro.

00:05:03.000 Fucking puking up water.

00:05:04.000 Yeah.

00:05:05.000 But the old red feels fine.

00:05:07.000 I feel fine now.

00:05:08.000 That fucked me up bad.

00:05:09.000 And it's five hours from Cleveland, so it wasn't a quick jump.

00:05:14.000 Food poisoning is sketchy.

00:05:15.000 It's a weird feeling.

00:05:16.000 It sucks, dude.

00:05:17.000 It was awful, man.

00:05:18.000 I've had it four or five times in my life, and it's never good.

00:05:21.000 That's the second time.

00:05:22.000 The first time I had it was in college.

00:05:24.000 It was the worst thing ever.

00:05:25.000 It was way worse.

00:05:26.000 This was both ends.

00:05:26.000 This is when your mouth and back door.

00:05:29.000 When you're...

00:05:31.000 It's like a cartoon.

00:05:32.000 I had it in college from movie theater popcorn.

00:05:35.000 What?

00:05:35.000 That's real shit.

00:05:36.000 Movie theater popcorn gave you food points.

00:05:38.000 Here's how we knew.

00:05:39.000 Me and this other dude, we had totally different meals all day and this other friend of ours too.

00:05:44.000 And long story short, whatever, we both woke up sick the same time, like in the middle of the night.

00:05:50.000 And we had asked when I went to the doctor finally the next day, because I was sick all day, and the doctor was like, what'd you eat?

00:05:56.000 I detailed it and he goes, oh yeah, sometimes the butter can be spoiled or rotten.

00:06:00.000 Oh, actual butter.

00:06:01.000 Yeah.

00:06:02.000 Oh.

00:06:02.000 Maybe that's why they use that fake-ass butter.

00:06:04.000 Hell yeah.

00:06:05.000 What is that fake-ass butter made out of?

00:06:06.000 I don't fucking know.

00:06:07.000 What the fuck is movie popcorn theater butter made out of if it's not real butter?

00:06:12.000 Because most places don't have real butter.

00:06:14.000 Jamie's laughing at my sicknesses.

00:06:15.000 No, he's not.

00:06:16.000 Movie popcorn.

00:06:17.000 What do you think it is?

00:06:18.000 It's got to be some weird vegetable oil.

00:06:20.000 Some sort of canola oil or something.

00:06:20.000 Yeah, let's see.

00:06:21.000 What a nasty shit.

00:06:21.000 It was weird.

00:06:22.000 Butter flavored oil.

00:06:23.000 Butter flavored oil.

00:06:25.000 I can't believe it's not butter.

00:06:26.000 What is that?

00:06:27.000 Margarine.

00:06:27.000 Bullshit.

00:06:28.000 Do you know how bad that stuff is for you?

00:06:30.000 Trash.

00:06:30.000 People used to think margarine's the way to go.

00:06:32.000 Like, butter's terrible for you.

00:06:34.000 Have some margarine.

00:06:36.000 Margarine's non-dairy.

00:06:37.000 To me, it was fucking horrible for you.

00:06:40.000 But all processed oils?

00:06:41.000 You know what they're finding out from those fake meat burgers?

00:06:44.000 The impossible burger.

00:06:45.000 They fed them to rats and they're giving them liver cancer?

00:06:46.000 Yeah.

00:06:47.000 Pull up what the study was.

00:06:49.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:06:51.000 One of those, Beyond Meat or Impossible Meat or Not Really Meat, whatever the fuck it is.

00:06:56.000 Yeah.

00:06:57.000 Not meat, but looks like meat.

00:06:58.000 We're trying to make it look like meat.

00:06:59.000 It's processed oils.

00:07:01.000 With grill marks on it?

00:07:02.000 Why do they do that shit?

00:07:02.000 The weird shit, it's mostly oils.

00:07:04.000 Yeah.

00:07:05.000 It's like oils from vegetables.

00:07:07.000 It's It's very strange.

00:07:08.000 A lot of soy and shit like that.

00:07:10.000 Those processed vegetable oils are terrible for you.

00:07:13.000 You know what's good for you?

00:07:15.000 Olive oil.

00:07:16.000 That's a good vegetable oil.

00:07:18.000 Avocado oil is good for you.

00:07:19.000 But all that other shit, like canola and...

00:07:23.000 All that stuff's fucking terrible for you.

00:07:24.000 This is my question.

00:07:25.000 Is it because it's not naturally occurring?

00:07:27.000 Rat feeding studies suggest the impossible burger may not be safe to eat.

00:07:32.000 Scroll down.

00:07:33.000 This is GMO science.

00:07:35.000 It says, hold on a second.

00:07:36.000 Make that a little harder.

00:07:37.000 Rats fed...

00:07:40.000 Rats...

00:07:40.000 What are you doing?

00:07:41.000 What's going on with your foot?

00:07:42.000 I'm trying to make it bigger and it's just going up.

00:07:43.000 Rats...

00:07:44.000 Stop.

00:07:45.000 Stop moving.

00:07:46.000 Go back.

00:07:47.000 Jesus, Jamie.

00:07:48.000 Stop.

00:07:48.000 Go back.

00:07:49.000 Go back.

00:07:49.000 It's on back.

00:07:50.000 This is it.

00:07:51.000 No, it's not.

00:07:52.000 Thank you.

00:07:53.000 Rats fed the genetic...

00:07:54.000 No, the fucking text there, buddy.

00:07:56.000 Rats fed the genetically modified yeast-derived protein soy...

00:08:01.000 Whoa.

00:08:01.000 Say that word.

00:08:02.000 Lagomoglobin.

00:08:03.000 Lagomoglobin.

00:08:12.000 The burger's key ingredient developed unexplained changes in weight gain and significant signs of toxicity and signs of toxicity.

00:08:22.000 Why did I put the word significant in there?

00:08:24.000 It wasn't even there.

00:08:25.000 It felt right.

00:08:25.000 It did.

00:08:26.000 I'm an editor.

00:08:29.000 Okay.

00:08:30.000 Unexplained changes in weight gain and signs of toxicity.

00:08:33.000 And it said the Impossible Burger is a plant-based burger.

00:08:35.000 The key ingredient, which is a protein called soy lehegmoglobin SLH, derived from genetically modified yeast.

00:08:44.000 A rat feeding study commissioned by the manufacturer Impossible Foods found that rats fed SL each developed unexplained changes in weight gain as well as changes in the blood that can indicate that the onset of inflammation or kidney disease as well as possible signs of anemia.

00:09:02.000 Holy shit.

00:09:03.000 Yeah, Impossible Foods dismissed these statistically significant effects as non-adverse or having no toxological relevance.

00:09:14.000 It's so funny you can just dismiss things.

00:09:15.000 They did a real study and they're like, not real.

00:09:17.000 Well, they're dismissing it because it's not convenient.

00:09:20.000 It's real simple.

00:09:21.000 I mean, you do rat studies doesn't necessarily mean it transfers to people.

00:09:26.000 But that stuff isn't...

00:09:28.000 Okay, what's the ingredients?

00:09:30.000 Let's find out what the fucking ingredients are and how they make it.

00:09:33.000 Because that's not the only thing that I've read.

00:09:34.000 I've read things by actual nutritionists that are saying, look, you want to be on a plant-based diet?

00:09:39.000 You should eat real foods.

00:09:41.000 You can eat healthy on a plant-based diet.

00:09:45.000 You can eat...

00:09:46.000 Real vegetables and avocado and, you know, there's plenty of good stuff to eat.

00:09:50.000 Coconut oils.

00:09:51.000 All this stuff is healthy for you.

00:09:52.000 But when you start making shit look like meat, that's when shit gets squirrely because you're finding all kinds of...

00:10:00.000 They're adding all sorts of processed food.

00:10:03.000 Why'd you take that off the screen?

00:10:04.000 I don't want to be distracting while you're talking.

00:10:06.000 Oh, no, that's okay.

00:10:07.000 So what the fuck is in there?

00:10:09.000 Top five ingredients.

00:10:10.000 Calories.

00:10:11.000 A four-ounce serving, which is pretty skimpy, clocks in at 240 calories.

00:10:15.000 That's in the range of a beef burger, depending on fat content.

00:10:19.000 Cholesterol.

00:10:20.000 The Impossible contains no cholesterol.

00:10:22.000 To compare, a regular beef patty contains about 80 milligrams.

00:10:25.000 Scroll up.

00:10:26.000 Scroll up, scroll up, scroll up, scroll up.

00:10:30.000 Fat.

00:10:30.000 14 grams includes 8 grams of saturated fat, which is generally considered less healthy than unsaturated fat.

00:10:35.000 That's not true.

00:10:37.000 It's entirely dependent upon the source, and it's entirely dependent upon how you're eating, like what you're eating.

00:10:44.000 Yeah.

00:10:45.000 The idea that saturated fat is bad for you.

00:10:47.000 This has all been debunked.

00:10:49.000 This is comparable to a beef burger, mostly due to the coconut oil, which is healthy for you fuckers.

00:10:54.000 This year the Impossible replaced a portion of the coconut oil, which is the highest in saturated fat.

00:10:59.000 God damn it.

00:11:01.000 With sunflower oil, which is way shittier for you, which is an unsaturated fat.

00:11:05.000 God damn!

00:11:07.000 You know, talking to nutritionists on this podcast has been so enlightening, but so confusing when you see the way that people still want to eat low-fat.

00:11:15.000 They don't understand.

00:11:17.000 Fats are important.

00:11:18.000 Your body fucking needs them.

00:11:20.000 They're good for your brain.

00:11:21.000 They're good for...

00:11:23.000 Everything.

00:11:23.000 Omega-3s, Omega-6s.

00:11:25.000 That was the revolution of, like I remember as a kid, everything became, in like the late 80s and 90s, everything was lower fat, but it was higher sugar content, right?

00:11:34.000 So it was just like, less fat, less fat, but they were just increasing the sugar.

00:11:37.000 It was like 1% milk.

00:11:39.000 That's the biggest joke.

00:11:40.000 Right, they put sugar in it.

00:11:41.000 Less fat.

00:11:41.000 Yeah, but they substituted it with tons of fucking sugar.

00:11:43.000 Because it tastes terrible.

00:11:45.000 Yeah, it tastes like shit without the fat.

00:11:46.000 All those monsters that put low-fat milk in their coffee, who the fuck?

00:11:49.000 Who the fuck are you?

00:11:50.000 Piece of shit.

00:11:51.000 Who are you?

00:11:52.000 They're tricked.

00:11:52.000 They got tricked.

00:11:53.000 They got tricked by this idea that you're supposed to have low fat.

00:11:57.000 Pull up something.

00:11:59.000 Is the Impossible Burger healthy?

00:12:02.000 Is it healthy?

00:12:02.000 Well, here's the thing.

00:12:03.000 That article obviously was siding with the Impossible Burger because they cited four items and it was like soy protein, coconut, and something else.

00:12:11.000 They don't really tell you how the process is that they make those.

00:12:14.000 That's the thing.

00:12:14.000 They won't say...

00:12:16.000 Well, here's how we derive these things and fucking process them.

00:12:18.000 I was going to say, before I even look this up, I don't think that they're even marketing as being healthier.

00:12:23.000 It's just an alternative for meat for people that really still want to eat it.

00:12:27.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:12:28.000 But is it healthy for you?

00:12:30.000 I don't think they're even bothering.

00:12:31.000 Yeah, it's probably less healthy for you than a fucking McDonald's cheeseburger, which is barely meat anyway.

00:12:37.000 Not meat.

00:12:37.000 I mean, right, they did all those studies about Taco Bell meat, and they were like, fucking barely meat.

00:12:41.000 Taco Bell meat has, they have an acceptable amount of filler.

00:12:45.000 That they're allowed to have.

00:12:46.000 It's just nonsense.

00:12:47.000 It's some nutty number.

00:12:48.000 Like, pull out.

00:12:49.000 What's the acceptable number of Taco Bell filter?

00:12:52.000 I had a friend that worked at a fast food restaurant I'm not going to name, and their graded meat was like G, I believe.

00:12:59.000 It was G-grade, which is lower than dog food or something like that.

00:13:02.000 But, like, shit still tasted okay.

00:13:04.000 I mean, but...

00:13:05.000 If you're hungry, you'll shove it down your fucking maw.

00:13:09.000 You fucking need it.

00:13:09.000 Did you see what happened at this World Series game the other day?

00:13:13.000 Did you see the news?

00:13:14.000 No.

00:13:14.000 They introduced Trump and the First Lady and they got booed.

00:13:18.000 Do you know this?

00:13:19.000 Yeah, it's going around last night.

00:13:20.000 There's two different versions of the story I saw.

00:13:23.000 CNN was saying that they were yelling out, lock her up.

00:13:26.000 I didn't hear that.

00:13:27.000 I just saw the blue clip.

00:13:28.000 Another thing was saying they were saying lock him up.

00:13:30.000 Yeah, I saw it lock him up.

00:13:31.000 I think it was lock him up is what they were chanting.

00:13:33.000 But CNN had it where they were saying people were chanting lock her up.

00:13:37.000 I just said the other thing too is he was generally the president throws out the first pitch.

00:13:41.000 Yeah.

00:13:42.000 And he didn't do that because he's already thrown one out somewhere and it didn't look very good.

00:13:46.000 Unathletic fuck.

00:13:47.000 You want to talk about those?

00:13:49.000 We got some clips in the vault of people that can't throw baseballs on the first pitch.

00:13:53.000 Oh, you mean Judd Apatow?

00:13:55.000 It's my favorite fucking clip.

00:13:57.000 Him and Gary Delabate.

00:14:00.000 Him, 50 Cent.

00:14:01.000 There's a few people that have fucking...

00:14:02.000 No, I can't right now.

00:14:03.000 I'm good.

00:14:04.000 What, your stomach?

00:14:05.000 Yeah, I don't want to fucking...

00:14:06.000 I don't want to fuck with it.

00:14:07.000 Really?

00:14:07.000 Is it that bad, bro?

00:14:08.000 It's fine, but I don't want to...

00:14:09.000 I don't want to dance on the edge.

00:14:11.000 Did you see what I tweeted?

00:14:13.000 I tweeted this morning, Burr and...

00:14:17.000 I typed in lock her up.

00:14:18.000 It's just putting back lock him up.

00:14:20.000 Hold on.

00:14:21.000 Burr and Kreischer have a podcast now called Bill and Burt Podcast.

00:14:26.000 And I made fun of them.

00:14:27.000 You should pull up the image for it because they have a cigar and a glass of whiskey in their icon.

00:14:32.000 But I go, what is up with this cigar dick you guys got as your fucking image?

00:14:36.000 Look at this thing.

00:14:37.000 Look at that.

00:14:38.000 What's up with that cigar cock?

00:14:42.000 I go, you gotta get someone to reanimate that, bro.

00:14:44.000 That is a weird-looking cigar.

00:14:46.000 That looks like a dick for sure.

00:14:47.000 It looks like a fucking dick, dude.

00:14:49.000 Why is it all rounded off at the tip?

00:14:50.000 That's what I said, dude.

00:14:52.000 The Bill Burt Podcast.

00:14:54.000 All those people, whoever you're hiring at All Things Comedy, pay them some real money.

00:14:58.000 They're mad at you.

00:15:00.000 They're mad at you and they're making things look like dicks.

00:15:03.000 These guys are dicks.

00:15:04.000 Wait, so what did it say?

00:15:04.000 Did it say lock him up or lock her up?

00:15:07.000 It was lock him up, right?

00:15:07.000 Lock him up is what I was saying, yeah.

00:15:09.000 They booed the president.

00:15:10.000 Has that ever happened at a fucking baseball game?

00:15:12.000 No, people are very riled up.

00:15:15.000 Man, they love you.

00:15:16.000 Well, here was the other thing.

00:15:18.000 I saw they had a Connected Thing article that I was reading with that that said 51% of America is pro-impeachment.

00:15:25.000 But I was like, where does that fucking poll come from?

00:15:27.000 Yeah, did they ask you?

00:15:29.000 No.

00:15:29.000 They didn't ask me either.

00:15:30.000 Yeah, so who the fuck said it?

00:15:31.000 All those polls.

00:15:32.000 Here's the problem with polls.

00:15:33.000 The only people that answer polls are assholes.

00:15:35.000 Right, right.

00:15:36.000 If they call you up and go, hey, Cheeto, what do you think about this?

00:15:40.000 You go, this is what I think.

00:15:40.000 Don't call me.

00:15:41.000 Yeah, leave me the fuck alone.

00:15:43.000 Fuck you.

00:15:44.000 Can you see who conducted that poll, that nonsense, the impeachment poll?

00:15:47.000 I'm glad you called because I have some very relevant opinions about this impeachment.

00:15:52.000 If we go back to Nixon, if you really pay attention to the Nixon administration, it's arguable that Trump has been more egregious with his breaking of the Constitution.

00:16:01.000 I'm so exhausted.

00:16:02.000 I wish there was no issues.

00:16:04.000 This is what I wish.

00:16:05.000 I wish there was no one trying to steal.

00:16:07.000 There was no one trying to cheat on their taxes.

00:16:11.000 Kill.

00:16:11.000 Everybody was just doing their best and helping each other out.

00:16:15.000 Yeah.

00:16:15.000 It's a nice, small, healthy, vibrant community of people supporting each other.

00:16:21.000 Fox News poll.

00:16:22.000 51% of voters favor impeachment and removing President Trump from office.

00:16:27.000 That's not good.

00:16:28.000 That's a Fox poll.

00:16:28.000 When Fox says that?

00:16:30.000 Yeah, that's fuck.

00:16:31.000 In July, it was 42%.

00:16:33.000 But I'm saying, from where?

00:16:35.000 I need to know where those come from.

00:16:37.000 Wow, but look at that.

00:16:38.000 Impeached but not removed in July was 5%, and now it's 4%.

00:16:43.000 Now most people favor him being removed.

00:16:49.000 Again, I don't know.

00:16:50.000 Who are these people?

00:16:52.000 Sometimes there's good stuff at sporting events.

00:16:54.000 So the other funny thing that happened was those girls showed their tits.

00:16:57.000 Did you see that?

00:16:58.000 That was hilarious.

00:16:59.000 These two girls are behind home plate and they're both flashing their tits.

00:17:02.000 They both got banned from Major League Baseball for life.

00:17:04.000 And she tweeted and she was like, worth it.

00:17:07.000 It is worth it.

00:17:08.000 It's awesome, too.

00:17:09.000 Sure, she's insta-famous now.

00:17:10.000 Yeah, to her and this other girlfriend of hers, I think somebody told me they're starting a smut magazine or something, and that was their promo.

00:17:16.000 Good for them.

00:17:16.000 Get a nice broad sponsorship.

00:17:18.000 This is their promoting breast...

00:17:19.000 Cancer awareness?

00:17:20.000 Yeah, somebody said they started a magazine or something, though.

00:17:23.000 Yeah, okay.

00:17:23.000 That they got a company on the rise.

00:17:25.000 Good for them.

00:17:26.000 Yeah, they show their tits behind home plate.

00:17:28.000 How many girls make a living just showing their body to, like, Patreon?

00:17:33.000 Yeah.

00:17:33.000 Instagram is all dancing on the line of legal picture prostitution.

00:17:40.000 Well, the best case of it is Twitter.

00:17:43.000 Because Twitter, they allow you, you can take it in the ass on Twitter.

00:17:48.000 There's a lot of gals that I have to be real careful if I hand my kids one of my phones, they don't open up that fucking Twitter app.

00:17:54.000 Because in the feed...

00:17:55.000 Daddy, somebody messaged you.

00:17:56.000 There's dirty, dirty girls.

00:17:58.000 Yeah, there's filthy.

00:17:58.000 Take it right in the keystone.

00:17:59.000 Well, I love that Twitter doesn't give a fuck.

00:18:01.000 That's my favorite part about Twitter.

00:18:02.000 They couldn't care less.

00:18:03.000 They're like, go for it.

00:18:04.000 Well, here's what I love about them.

00:18:05.000 Kyle Dunnigan.

00:18:06.000 When he did that animated thing with Michael Jackson, did you ever see that?

00:18:09.000 Yeah, I saw it.

00:18:10.000 I loved it.

00:18:10.000 Amazing.

00:18:11.000 Instagram pulled it down.

00:18:12.000 Kyle Dunnigan, the funniest fucking guy on Instagram.

00:18:14.000 Yeah.

00:18:14.000 They pulled it off of Instagram, but Twitter did not.

00:18:17.000 Yeah.

00:18:18.000 Shout out to Twitter for that.

00:18:19.000 Yeah, hardcore Twitter.

00:18:20.000 Cool for that shit.

00:18:20.000 What was that?

00:18:21.000 What'd you show me?

00:18:22.000 It's the Patreon website.

00:18:24.000 It's called OnlyFans that some of those people use.

00:18:27.000 Not everyone, but this is showing some of the numbers that they've already been paying out.

00:18:31.000 8 million registered users?

00:18:35.000 70,000 content creators?

00:18:37.000 Paid out to creators, $150 million.

00:18:41.000 Paid out to referrers, $3 million.

00:18:44.000 Referrers?

00:18:44.000 So you, Cheeto?

00:18:46.000 You could refer?

00:18:47.000 I think if I refer, I get a kick.

00:18:49.000 You get a kick?

00:18:50.000 Hell yeah.

00:18:50.000 $3 million?

00:18:51.000 5%.

00:18:52.000 5% commission on all referrals.

00:18:54.000 Pay-per-view messaging and tips.

00:18:58.000 Live streaming feature.

00:19:00.000 That's interesting.

00:19:01.000 See, who could have a problem with that?

00:19:03.000 If you don't have a problem with people being naked, I don't.

00:19:06.000 You don't.

00:19:07.000 Nope.

00:19:07.000 If you don't have a problem with people taking naked pictures, I don't.

00:19:09.000 You don't.

00:19:10.000 Nope.

00:19:10.000 Who would have a problem with that?

00:19:11.000 Not at all.

00:19:11.000 That seems like the best alternative to prostitution for a lot of these gals.

00:19:15.000 I think, in the world of sex work, I think that makes the most sense because this is a legit, protected, legal way for them to go, hey, do you want to see me get naked at my house?

00:19:24.000 Yeah.

00:19:24.000 Give me some fucking money and I'll do it.

00:19:26.000 Yeah, and no one should really have a problem with it.

00:19:29.000 What could be the debatable problem with it?

00:19:33.000 Smut.

00:19:34.000 People that think it's eroding the fabric of our society.

00:19:39.000 The Westboro Baptist Church, man.

00:19:40.000 I think Kanye West would have an issue with it.

00:19:42.000 He doesn't like porn anymore.

00:19:44.000 Well, he doesn't like cuss words now, too.

00:19:46.000 Yeah, he's done with that.

00:19:47.000 No cuss words now on the albums.

00:19:48.000 Well, he's starting a new cult.

00:19:50.000 Yeah, he is.

00:19:51.000 It's clear.

00:19:52.000 He's on his way.

00:19:53.000 It's probably going to be huge.

00:19:54.000 You think it's going to be like a Scientology-sized thing at some point?

00:19:58.000 Where it's going to be like people go to a place.

00:20:00.000 If he wants it to be.

00:20:00.000 I mean, it seems like he's doing it for free, though.

00:20:03.000 You know, I mean, he's got a shit ton of money, and so does his gal.

00:20:06.000 Yeah, but he likes business opportunities.

00:20:08.000 He does, but I mean, I think it probably opens up the doors for his other businesses, like his Yeezys and his clothes and all that shit.

00:20:15.000 That merch wasn't free.

00:20:16.000 The show was free.

00:20:17.000 Right.

00:20:18.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:20:18.000 It opens up the opportunities for that stuff.

00:20:21.000 So he does the show, and then people are like, you know, what do I have to do to be in the cult?

00:20:25.000 Give yourself a pair of 11 Yeezys.

00:20:27.000 Just gotta show up with Yeezys.

00:20:28.000 We'll let you in.

00:20:29.000 That's all it is.

00:20:30.000 You buy your way in.

00:20:30.000 You'd get in.

00:20:31.000 You love that shit.

00:20:32.000 I could get a few people in, I think.

00:20:35.000 You support all that shit so much.

00:20:37.000 You love it.

00:20:38.000 It's kind of easy to start a cult these days.

00:20:41.000 It really kind of is.

00:20:42.000 Well, there's so many of them now.

00:20:44.000 There's so many semi-cults.

00:20:47.000 There's people that have followings.

00:20:52.000 Somebody could argue this is a cult, though.

00:20:55.000 People could argue that you've cultivated a cult.

00:20:57.000 You could argue that.

00:20:59.000 However, there's absolutely no membership rituals.

00:21:03.000 You do whatever the fuck you want.

00:21:04.000 No one's calling it a cult.

00:21:06.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:21:07.000 Some people call it a cult.

00:21:09.000 They'll say, hey, this is Santino Nation.

00:21:12.000 People do stuff like that.

00:21:14.000 This is a nation.

00:21:16.000 They'll use their name and they'll say nation.

00:21:18.000 Which is, woo, our army.

00:21:20.000 This is the Santino army.

00:21:22.000 You're part of the Santino army?

00:21:23.000 Yeah, we're on this together.

00:21:24.000 We're in.

00:21:25.000 Very suspect.

00:21:26.000 We'll do whatever he says.

00:21:27.000 Very, very suspect thinking.

00:21:28.000 Like that kind of shit.

00:21:29.000 Well, it just gives weight.

00:21:30.000 People obey people's word a little bit too much without knowing shit.

00:21:35.000 So they just are like, it's something to hold on to.

00:21:37.000 So maybe if their lives are shitty and dull and boring, they hear something and they're like, I agree with a good amount of that.

00:21:42.000 And then they fucking latch on to it.

00:21:43.000 That's where it gets scary.

00:21:44.000 Because then people can convince you to do anything.

00:21:46.000 We were talking about those guys, uh...

00:21:48.000 The Proud Boy shit.

00:21:49.000 We were talking about that this weekend.

00:21:50.000 If you start a group, the thing about groups is you're now...

00:21:55.000 Say if you're the leader, let's say you start the Red Boys.

00:22:00.000 Yeah.

00:22:01.000 The Ginge Boys.

00:22:02.000 You're the leader.

00:22:03.000 You're the founder and the leader of the Red Boys.

00:22:05.000 Yeah.

00:22:05.000 But if you just let any ginger in the group...

00:22:08.000 There's a lot of wacky gingers out there, just like there's wacky people.

00:22:11.000 And when people join groups and you start this group and they're saying, I'm acting as one of the red boys, well, you're now sort of in some way connected to whatever the fuck they do.

00:22:22.000 So if they decide to get radicalized and do a bunch of really fucked up things, you know, and go after people who don't have red hair or whatever the fuck they decide to do, you're now at least somehow connected to them.

00:22:34.000 Yeah, because I started the shit.

00:22:35.000 Yes!

00:22:36.000 I mean, that's...

00:22:37.000 Yeah, that's creepy, though.

00:22:38.000 It is.

00:22:38.000 It's fucking groups of people.

00:22:40.000 There's too many...

00:22:41.000 But I think the influence online is what's creepy to me.

00:22:45.000 People can...

00:22:46.000 You know, people...

00:22:46.000 Remember meetups?

00:22:47.000 Meetups have somewhat gone away.

00:22:49.000 But at one point, people were doing these meetups where kids were famous on Instagram.

00:22:52.000 They just loved the idea of being like, come meet me at this park at 12. And fucking thousands of people would go.

00:22:58.000 Well, you see what Kevin Hart used to do?

00:22:59.000 Used to have people run with him?

00:23:00.000 No.

00:23:01.000 Like, meet me, and we're gonna run a 5K. Shut up.

00:23:04.000 Would he do that?

00:23:05.000 Yeah, man.

00:23:05.000 That's insane.

00:23:06.000 Tons of strangers.

00:23:08.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:08.000 Nah, so stupid.

00:23:09.000 You've never seen it?

00:23:10.000 Uh-uh.

00:23:10.000 Why would he do that?

00:23:11.000 Say if he got a video of it, Kevin Hart, he would do it at shows.

00:23:14.000 Like, say if he would show up in Milwaukee or whatever, and he had a concert he was doing there, he would set up, like, a 5K, and they would all run.

00:23:22.000 Nah.

00:23:23.000 Fuck that.

00:23:24.000 Well, he's a positive guy and he's trying to promote positive things like health and fitness and just getting active.

00:23:32.000 You could do that without inviting people to run with you.

00:23:35.000 Hmm.

00:23:35.000 I don't want anybody fucking running with me.

00:23:37.000 Well, you don't run anyway.

00:23:39.000 Yes, I do.

00:23:39.000 Do you?

00:23:39.000 How often?

00:23:40.000 Every two or three days.

00:23:42.000 Really?

00:23:42.000 Yeah.

00:23:42.000 Where do you run?

00:23:43.000 In the neighborhood.

00:23:44.000 No shit.

00:23:44.000 I run a minimum of four, but an average of like maybe five or six.

00:23:49.000 I don't go near eight.

00:23:51.000 You're a silent runner.

00:23:52.000 You don't tell anybody.

00:23:52.000 Fuck no.

00:23:53.000 I do everything silent.

00:23:54.000 Kevin Hart running by a lake.

00:23:55.000 That's a beautiful lake.

00:23:56.000 Where is that, Jamie?

00:23:57.000 Jesus Christ, that's cool.

00:23:58.000 Is it D.C.? Look at all those people.

00:23:59.000 Yay!

00:24:00.000 Everybody seems so happy.

00:24:01.000 Yeah, they do.

00:24:01.000 See, they're all healthy, running.

00:24:03.000 That girl at the bottom right, I don't think she's running.

00:24:06.000 No, I want to know how many people were there that didn't run.

00:24:08.000 That were just like, we showed up!

00:24:09.000 Most of them.

00:24:10.000 Yeah.

00:24:10.000 But look at that.

00:24:11.000 That's a positive thing right there.

00:24:13.000 Nike gave him a fat check for this.

00:24:15.000 You think so?

00:24:15.000 This is all Nike.

00:24:16.000 Fuck yeah.

00:24:17.000 Oh, there's a Nike logo up there.

00:24:18.000 This is Nike.com.

00:24:20.000 Yeah, this is all Nike, dude.

00:24:22.000 Oh.

00:24:23.000 This is some executive at Nike.

00:24:24.000 Now I'm not so excited.

00:24:26.000 Someone goes, Kev, we got the idea.

00:24:28.000 Forget about it.

00:24:29.000 Look, he's a businessman and he's positive on top of it.

00:24:33.000 I want to show you something.

00:24:35.000 I saw this on the toilet this morning.

00:24:37.000 Look at how crazy this is.

00:24:39.000 This guy, you can look this up.

00:24:41.000 This guy, a cop pulled him over, thought he was drunk.

00:24:44.000 And he blew, and it turns out he was brewing beer in his own stomach.

00:24:48.000 Yes, I heard about this guy.

00:24:48.000 I thought of you this morning.

00:24:49.000 He's growing alcohol in his own body.

00:24:52.000 It's a rare syndrome called auto-brewing something.

00:24:58.000 You have to look it up.

00:24:58.000 It's fucking insane.

00:25:00.000 No one believed him when he said he hadn't been drinking.

00:25:02.000 Then researchers found his body was producing alcohol.

00:25:05.000 That guy on the right, it looks like his body's producing alcohol.

00:25:07.000 Yeah, right now.

00:25:08.000 Swollen.

00:25:10.000 Taking shots.

00:25:12.000 Interesting, man.

00:25:13.000 Researchers at Richmond University Medical Center in New York eventually discovered that the man was telling the truth.

00:25:18.000 He wasn't downing beers or cocktails.

00:25:21.000 Instead, there was yeast in his gut that was likely converting carbohydrates in the food he ate to alcohol.

00:25:28.000 In other words, his body was brewing beer.

00:25:31.000 That's fuck- auto-brewery syndrome.

00:25:33.000 Wow.

00:25:33.000 Auto-brewery syndrome.

00:25:35.000 Is that common?

00:25:36.000 ABS. No, there's gut fermentation syndrome.

00:25:40.000 How many fucking people have that?

00:25:41.000 I've never heard of it before.

00:25:42.000 That's another lady two years, three years ago?

00:25:44.000 Whoa.

00:25:45.000 Women claims her body brews alcohol, has DUI charge, dismissed.

00:25:49.000 But was she hammered?

00:25:51.000 That dude in the previous article was two and a half times the legal limit.

00:25:54.000 This was four times the legal limit she blew.

00:25:56.000 She blew it, right?

00:25:57.000 But was she feeling the effects of it or is it just in her blood?

00:26:00.000 No, it's in their blood.

00:26:02.000 He doesn't feel it.

00:26:03.000 I don't think you exert any symptoms of being drunk.

00:26:06.000 I think it's just...

00:26:07.000 Really?

00:26:08.000 Are you guessing?

00:26:09.000 Yeah, I think that's what the article said.

00:26:10.000 I'm in touch with 30 people who believe they have the same syndrome.

00:26:13.000 About 10 of them are diagnosed with it.

00:26:15.000 Said Panola College Dean of Nursing Barbara Cordell, who has studied the syndrome for years.

00:26:20.000 They can function at alcohol levels such as 0.30 and 0.40 when the avid person becomes comatose or dying.

00:26:29.000 Yeah, these people are functioning.

00:26:30.000 Part of the mystery of this syndrome is how they can have these extremely high levels and still be walking around and talking.

00:26:35.000 Well, this bitch needs to talk to drunks.

00:26:37.000 Yeah.

00:26:38.000 We know a lot of people.

00:26:39.000 We know a lot of people who could function.

00:26:41.000 Who do you know that functions?

00:26:42.000 Bert Kreischer.

00:26:43.000 Bert Kreischer probably does everything he does at like 50.0.50.

00:26:48.000 Imagine if he also had this, if he had ABS and he drinks like he drinks.

00:26:51.000 See my Instagram?

00:26:52.000 Picture Bert today?

00:26:53.000 He looks good.

00:26:54.000 He looks fucking great.

00:26:55.000 He looks really good.

00:26:56.000 That's legit.

00:26:56.000 Yeah.

00:26:57.000 You know, Whitney was like, what Instagram filters this?

00:27:00.000 Like, unless he's doing what some of my wife's friends do, my wife's friends are fucking, they're cartoonists.

00:27:08.000 Look at that.

00:27:09.000 Where they're able to, like, Photoshop and all that shit?

00:27:11.000 They're not really taking pictures.

00:27:12.000 They're cartoonists.

00:27:13.000 Yeah.

00:27:13.000 These bitches run filters on these pictures, and they shrink their legs down, and they fuck with their friends.

00:27:19.000 They make their friend's butt a little smaller, or their arms a little bigger.

00:27:22.000 That's so diabolical, man.

00:27:23.000 Yeah, they do weird things.

00:27:24.000 Would you ever think they'd do anything like that?

00:27:26.000 They make their friend's chin just a little.

00:27:28.000 Give them a fucking double chin.

00:27:29.000 A little Jalen, I wish.

00:27:32.000 They definitely do that to each other.

00:27:34.000 And they call each other up.

00:27:35.000 Hey, take this one down.

00:27:36.000 I don't like how my waist looks.

00:27:37.000 Hey, you look great.

00:27:38.000 No, you look amazing.

00:27:39.000 That bird picture, by the way, the lighting is pretty fucking good.

00:27:42.000 I'm not gonna lie.

00:27:43.000 Go back to the picture.

00:27:44.000 There's almost nothing you can do about the side handles.

00:27:46.000 No, but that lighting is good.

00:27:47.000 No, no, no.

00:27:47.000 Save it.

00:27:48.000 Look at his side.

00:27:49.000 His sides.

00:27:50.000 Wait, that looks a little manipulated there, Jamie.

00:27:52.000 Bro, it's not manipulated.

00:27:53.000 It's not manipulated.

00:27:55.000 Trust me.

00:27:56.000 Bert is not that guy.

00:27:58.000 He's not smart enough to do that.

00:27:59.000 No, no, no, no.

00:28:00.000 That's not what I'm saying.

00:28:01.000 He's not a liar.

00:28:02.000 Like, look, Bert would not do that.

00:28:04.000 That's what he looks like.

00:28:05.000 He's been fucking working out hard.

00:28:06.000 He's down to like 225. Look at what Ari wrote there.

00:28:10.000 He's raising his arms and sucking his belly.

00:28:13.000 Tell him to post an inaction side shot of him on stage.

00:28:16.000 Ari's such a hater.

00:28:18.000 Well, they've got some beef now after the dosing episode.

00:28:21.000 Yeah, well, Bert should have beef.

00:28:23.000 Not Ari.

00:28:24.000 Yeah.

00:28:24.000 Ari fucking dosed him.

00:28:26.000 Ari should have any beef.

00:28:26.000 Ari's just mad that it didn't land the way he wanted.

00:28:29.000 Like, Ari's upset that Bert didn't, like, laugh it off and have fun with it.

00:28:32.000 Who the fuck laughs off getting dosed with Molly?

00:28:34.000 Must me, dude.

00:28:35.000 I fucking...

00:28:35.000 Nobody.

00:28:36.000 Dosed me would be fucking...

00:28:37.000 I think they should fight it out.

00:28:38.000 Let him fucking slug it out a little while.

00:28:41.000 I think Bert wants to fucking kill him for that.

00:28:44.000 Who would win that fight?

00:28:45.000 It'd be a fun fight to watch.

00:28:48.000 Ari's squirrely.

00:28:49.000 He's got that lanky and long.

00:28:52.000 He could put up a good fight.

00:28:54.000 Burt's got probably the...

00:28:57.000 Burt's got probably, you know, maybe a reach on him.

00:28:59.000 I don't know how much taller he is.

00:29:00.000 Well, Ari is very tall.

00:29:01.000 Yeah, he's tall.

00:29:02.000 What is Ari, like 6'3"?

00:29:04.000 Yeah, he's a jiu-jitsu background, too.

00:29:05.000 A little bit, right?

00:29:05.000 A little bit.

00:29:06.000 A little bit.

00:29:08.000 A little bit.

00:29:09.000 I bought him a year.

00:29:10.000 He probably went...

00:29:11.000 He went until he got staph, and that was basically the end of his career.

00:29:15.000 That's when most people would quit.

00:29:16.000 He got a bad staph infection on his knee, man.

00:29:18.000 It was horrible.

00:29:19.000 Swole up.

00:29:20.000 Like, he was walking with a limp.

00:29:22.000 That shit can kill you.

00:29:22.000 Oh, yeah.

00:29:23.000 He didn't even know he had it.

00:29:24.000 He thought it was a spider bite.

00:29:26.000 And you just let it go for a while?

00:29:27.000 We were playing pool and he was walking around with a limp.

00:29:30.000 I'm like, what's wrong with your leg?

00:29:31.000 And he goes, I got a spider bite.

00:29:32.000 And, you know, obviously I've done jujitsu forever and I know that sometimes people think it's a spider bite and it's staph.

00:29:38.000 So I said, let me see.

00:29:39.000 He pulls his knee up.

00:29:40.000 I go, dude.

00:29:40.000 And I unscrew my pool cue.

00:29:42.000 I go, go to the emergency room right now.

00:29:43.000 I go, you have a bad staph infection.

00:29:45.000 He thought I was fucking with him.

00:29:46.000 He's like, are you serious?

00:29:47.000 I'm like, I am dead serious.

00:29:49.000 This can kill you.

00:29:49.000 I'm not kidding.

00:29:51.000 His fucking knee was all swollen.

00:29:53.000 He had a real clear staph infection.

00:29:56.000 I'm like, dude, I'm telling you, I'm not a doctor, but that is fucking staph.

00:30:00.000 And then he was angry, and he had a really good point.

00:30:02.000 He's like, why don't they have signs in the gym?

00:30:04.000 You take jujitsu, and it's up to everybody to tell you what staph is.

00:30:08.000 Because Junior Dos Santos just pulled out of his fight.

00:30:13.000 He was supposed to fight Alexander Volkov, but he got nasty staph in his leg.

00:30:19.000 Like his lower leg, like his calf area, all swollen and red and funky because he got a staph infection.

00:30:26.000 The same thing.

00:30:27.000 He was like, why is it?

00:30:28.000 It hurts.

00:30:29.000 It's painful.

00:30:30.000 You thought maybe sometimes you clash shins.

00:30:33.000 You do it a lot.

00:30:34.000 But you get a cut and then it just gets infected.

00:30:36.000 My cousin had MRSA. You know what MRSA is?

00:30:38.000 That's the worst.

00:30:39.000 It's the worst.

00:30:40.000 That's the worst version of staph.

00:30:41.000 It's like staph turns into MRSA. Well, no, it's medication-resistant staph.

00:30:47.000 Staphococcus, whatever they call it.

00:30:48.000 But it's like the extreme version.

00:30:51.000 Yes, it's staph that you find in hospitals, unfortunately.

00:30:54.000 Right.

00:30:54.000 Because a lot of times that kind of staph is immune to medication.

00:30:58.000 He doesn't even know how he got it.

00:31:00.000 You can fucking lose a hand and shit over it.

00:31:02.000 One of my wife's friends got staph and she went into a fucking coma.

00:31:06.000 She started having seizures.

00:31:07.000 She got it from a gym.

00:31:09.000 From a dirty gym.

00:31:10.000 Just like lifting weights and shit.

00:31:12.000 Sitting on those machines doing lat pull-downs.

00:31:14.000 She got a little scratch.

00:31:15.000 Something happened.

00:31:16.000 Next thing you know, she has this infection.

00:31:18.000 Doesn't know what it is.

00:31:19.000 It gets systemic.

00:31:20.000 Next thing you know, she's fucking going into shock.

00:31:22.000 Her body's freaking out.

00:31:24.000 The gym I go to is like...

00:31:27.000 Immaculate clean, and I still walk around.

00:31:29.000 Like, even in the bathroom, I'm in fucking flip-flops.

00:31:31.000 I'm never, ever...

00:31:32.000 Since playing high school sports, you learn...

00:31:34.000 It's like my dad was always like, don't be fucking walking around in those locker rooms.

00:31:37.000 You have cuts on your feet.

00:31:38.000 You have shit splat.

00:31:38.000 You're bound to catch something nasty.

00:31:40.000 One of Callan's friends' wives died from it.

00:31:43.000 From infection on her foot?

00:31:45.000 From staff.

00:31:45.000 They were trying to go all homeopathic.

00:31:47.000 They were trying to cure with fucking parsley and herbs and shit.

00:31:51.000 Smacking it with leaves?

00:31:52.000 Callan went over the house and she was bleeding from her gums.

00:31:55.000 Oh my god.

00:31:56.000 And he was like, what the fuck is going on?

00:31:58.000 You gotta get her to a hospital.

00:31:59.000 She died.

00:32:00.000 They just refuse to go to the doctor.

00:32:02.000 I don't know, man.

00:32:02.000 I don't know the whole story.

00:32:03.000 Calen told it to me years ago.

00:32:05.000 He told it to me when I first got staph.

00:32:07.000 And I was like, what?

00:32:08.000 And I remember I was on heavy doses of antibiotics to the point where, like, I was fuzzy.

00:32:15.000 Like, everything was fuzzy.

00:32:16.000 Like, everything was, like, confusing.

00:32:17.000 He couldn't think straight?

00:32:18.000 Oh, my God.

00:32:18.000 My brain was dog shit.

00:32:21.000 Believe it or not, your gut, like what's inside your gut affects your personality.

00:32:26.000 It affects your ability to think, your energy levels.

00:32:29.000 And when you have staph, they fucking dose you up, son, with heavy-duty antibiotics.

00:32:35.000 And I couldn't believe that people fight on that sometimes.

00:32:39.000 They fight on antibiotics when they have staph.

00:32:42.000 Because you're just totally out of it.

00:32:44.000 I couldn't believe it.

00:32:44.000 I could barely make a fist.

00:32:46.000 I'm like, how the fuck could anybody fight like this?

00:32:47.000 Luke Rockhold beat Chris Weidman for the UFC middleweight title when he was on staff medication.

00:32:53.000 Which is like fucking incredible.

00:32:56.000 And could function on it.

00:32:57.000 He fucking beat Chris Weidman.

00:32:59.000 It's fucking insane.

00:33:00.000 Insane.

00:33:00.000 I have no idea how he did it.

00:33:02.000 He had like a nasty staph infection.

00:33:03.000 He wound up actually getting a chunk of meat removed from his shin, and it's fucked him up so bad, like to this day when he fights, and he only fought once with this, he has to have like a rap.

00:33:17.000 We're good to go.

00:33:38.000 There's so much of that shit that's in sports.

00:33:40.000 What's it called?

00:33:41.000 It's always around high schools.

00:33:42.000 They're always worried about people getting it from water fountains and shit.

00:33:45.000 Do you know what I'm talking about?

00:33:46.000 Herpes?

00:33:46.000 Crabs?

00:33:47.000 Yeah, herpes.

00:33:48.000 Meningitis?

00:33:49.000 Meningitis, yeah.

00:33:49.000 I knew a kid in high school that had meningitis.

00:33:51.000 He lost a hand and a foot.

00:33:54.000 From meningitis, but from high school shit, because you're around all these kids with all these fucking diseases and sicknesses, and it's like this little incubator.

00:34:01.000 I know a woman, her kid got paralyzed from getting meningitis from one of those fucking water parks.

00:34:05.000 Well, that's why usually, it comes from something, water, it happens in water a lot, apparently.

00:34:09.000 You know, that water gets in your ears and gets in your fucking mouth.

00:34:13.000 There was a comic who died from meningitis.

00:34:16.000 Do I know who he is?

00:34:17.000 Yeah, goddammit.

00:34:19.000 Red-headed kid.

00:34:20.000 Really nice guy.

00:34:22.000 Me?

00:34:22.000 No.

00:34:23.000 Kid from New York.

00:34:25.000 Goddammit.

00:34:26.000 He was flying out to do Fantasy Island.

00:34:29.000 Jerry Red Wilson.

00:34:31.000 Jerry Wilson.

00:34:33.000 Yeah, he died from meningitis.

00:34:34.000 He was apparently in the doctor's office, but it was taking too long to get seen by the doctor.

00:34:40.000 He's waiting for like 45 minutes like, fuck this, I'm getting out of here.

00:34:42.000 And he left and wound up dying.

00:34:44.000 Holy shit.

00:34:45.000 Yeah.

00:34:45.000 How did he get it?

00:34:46.000 Do you know how he got it from?

00:34:46.000 Do not know.

00:34:47.000 He was a nice guy too, man.

00:34:49.000 Funny kid too.

00:34:50.000 And his career was just starting to take off.

00:34:52.000 This was like in the 90s.

00:34:54.000 That's kind of...

00:34:55.000 I knew him from New York.

00:34:56.000 Yeah.

00:34:56.000 We knew each other from the clubs.

00:34:57.000 And then he came out here.

00:34:59.000 I had been living out here for like a year or so.

00:35:02.000 And he came out here and he was like, shit was popping for him.

00:35:05.000 He had a development deal, do a TV show.

00:35:07.000 He was doing the new Fantasy Island.

00:35:09.000 Do you remember when they had Fantasy Island?

00:35:11.000 I know, yeah.

00:35:11.000 They brought it back.

00:35:12.000 He was doing the new Fantasy Island.

00:35:15.000 And then he just refused to fucking get seen again?

00:35:18.000 Yeah, and he got on a plane.

00:35:19.000 Jesus Christ.

00:35:19.000 He got on a plane, and I think he actually flew to Hawaii to do the show.

00:35:24.000 And when he got out there, he was fucked.

00:35:25.000 By the time he got there, he was fucked.

00:35:27.000 It's always sad when you hear people that, like, I don't know if he had instructions, you know, not that he did, but you know when people have instructions to not get on a plane?

00:35:32.000 This happens all the time.

00:35:33.000 People are like, fuck that shit, and then they die because of it.

00:35:35.000 It's like that dude that was in Dave Matthews' band.

00:35:38.000 What happened?

00:35:38.000 He had surgery.

00:35:40.000 You've got to look it up to make sure I'm not fucking out of my butt.

00:35:43.000 Are you making things up?

00:35:43.000 Yeah, I'm making it up.

00:35:45.000 It's fun to make things up.

00:35:46.000 Remember the old days?

00:35:47.000 Yeah, you didn't have to worry about it.

00:35:49.000 Just make things up?

00:35:49.000 Yeah.

00:35:50.000 Just make it up all day?

00:35:51.000 Drinking beer, talking shit.

00:35:53.000 People just tell you lies.

00:35:54.000 And you're like, whoa, I didn't know that you can get cancer from that.

00:35:57.000 Like, yep, sure can.

00:35:58.000 Give me another beer, Jimmy.

00:36:00.000 Yeah, he died.

00:36:00.000 I think he had surgery and he got on a plane.

00:36:03.000 Right.

00:36:03.000 There he is.

00:36:03.000 Leroy Moore, right?

00:36:04.000 Leroy Moore.

00:36:05.000 And he got on a fucking plane after the doctors told him not to fucking fly, and he did, and then he died.

00:36:09.000 2008. Because he had some kind of weird surgery, right?

00:36:13.000 He had an accident on his ATV. Right.

00:36:16.000 Punctured lung.

00:36:17.000 Right.

00:36:18.000 Maybe it was that, because of the air pressure.

00:36:19.000 He died from that?

00:36:22.000 Wow.

00:36:22.000 Oh, pneumonia.

00:36:24.000 Blood clots.

00:36:25.000 He got pneumonia.

00:36:26.000 Those things are different.

00:36:28.000 He died from a blood clot that coroner's office determined his cause of death to be pneumonia.

00:36:34.000 Wow.

00:36:34.000 Fuck.

00:36:35.000 But I don't know if it's going to say it on there.

00:36:37.000 I'm almost positive that they told him not to get on a fucking plane and he did anyway.

00:36:40.000 Bro, how much does it take...

00:36:42.000 How many years does it take off a flight attendant's life?

00:36:45.000 I mean, they all look so sad now.

00:36:47.000 They look sadder than they did when I was young.

00:36:49.000 Why is that, dude?

00:36:50.000 They all look so fucking sad.

00:36:52.000 Did the pay get worse?

00:36:54.000 It can't be good.

00:36:56.000 No, it never was good, but people used to do it usually because they were like, I could fly for free and so can everybody in my family.

00:37:01.000 But now everyone I see, every flight we take, they look fucking miserable.

00:37:05.000 Maybe it's you.

00:37:07.000 You're handing out barf bags and shit.

00:37:08.000 I know.

00:37:09.000 Throwing up all of yourself in the bathroom.

00:37:11.000 Clean this up.

00:37:13.000 Barf!

00:37:15.000 Even the ones that I have a good feeling about, even they seem bummed the fuck out.

00:37:21.000 Even when I'm like, hey, how you doing?

00:37:23.000 They're like, hi, do you want something before we leave?

00:37:25.000 I just feel like it's a tough, tough gig, man.

00:37:28.000 That's a tough fucking gig to constantly be like...

00:37:31.000 You know what it really is?

00:37:32.000 Because people are such pieces of shit and we're becoming more pieces of shit.

00:37:37.000 Nobody obeys any of the fucking rules about overhead space and any of that stuff.

00:37:41.000 And I think it's extreme now because people are like, I'm not checking my fucking bag.

00:37:44.000 I'll stuff it in the roof.

00:37:46.000 People do get a little cunty though.

00:37:48.000 Some lady and this guy got a little cunty with me on the flight over.

00:37:53.000 Right.

00:37:55.000 Right.

00:38:09.000 I'm like, don't you think I would if it was open?

00:38:11.000 He didn't even look.

00:38:13.000 Look at all these bags.

00:38:14.000 You don't see all these bags?

00:38:15.000 People cop attitudes and they get mad at the...

00:38:18.000 This was insane.

00:38:19.000 We were in Denver coming back and a dude...

00:38:23.000 They had canceled the flight.

00:38:25.000 And a dude was losing it on the gate attendant, you know?

00:38:29.000 He was like, you fucking, you fucking asshole, da-da-da-da-da, like, going off.

00:38:33.000 And everyone's kind of, like, turned, like, pissed, like, fucking pissed that this guy's losing on this asshole in a public space like this for no reason.

00:38:38.000 And this dude is sitting on the floor, and I can tell he's, like, kind of bobbing, and he's, like, reeling.

00:38:43.000 And then finally he pipes up.

00:38:44.000 He goes, hey!

00:38:45.000 Go fly another fucking airline.

00:38:46.000 It's not this guy's fucking fault.

00:38:48.000 And then this guy was like, oh, what do you care about?

00:38:49.000 He's like, dude, it's not his fault.

00:38:51.000 If you've got an issue with it, let's go take a walk.

00:38:53.000 And you could tell his alpha fucking step up scared this dude to death.

00:38:59.000 And he was like, don't fucking yell at that guy.

00:39:01.000 That guy has nothing to do with it.

00:39:02.000 When people do that, they're cunts.

00:39:02.000 Any guy who yells at someone, some flight attendant or someone who works at the desk, it's not their call.

00:39:08.000 They don't get to make the call.

00:39:09.000 They're employees.

00:39:10.000 Employees!

00:39:11.000 That guy at the desk, he has nothing.

00:39:12.000 By the way, he doesn't care.

00:39:13.000 He's like, dude, I get paid fucking hourly.

00:39:15.000 I'm barely here.

00:39:16.000 He's not pretending he runs Delta or Nido.

00:39:20.000 But I love what the guy said.

00:39:21.000 He goes, go fly another fucking airline.

00:39:22.000 Because the guy kept saying, he goes, you guys do this all the time.

00:39:25.000 And the dude on the ground goes, go fly another airline, bud.

00:39:27.000 There's a ton of them if you're so unhappy.

00:39:29.000 Wow.

00:39:30.000 He's like, don't fucking yell at those.

00:39:31.000 You have to deal with the conflict and the heat in the air.

00:39:34.000 It was thick.

00:39:35.000 It was nice.

00:39:35.000 Well, I went up to him.

00:39:36.000 I was like, dude, that's cool that you said that.

00:39:37.000 And he goes, well, that guy's a piece of shit.

00:39:39.000 I was like, you know, because it's like somebody should say something.

00:39:41.000 I know, but it's that leap before you say something.

00:39:44.000 Like, do you want to tell this guy to shut the fuck up?

00:39:46.000 Because then he's my problem.

00:39:48.000 Yep.

00:39:48.000 Right now, it's not my problem.

00:39:49.000 Nope.

00:39:50.000 That's what I mean.

00:39:51.000 It's like, do I want to step into that world where this asshole then becomes a thing with me and then it's a whole thing?

00:39:56.000 Well, it could become violence.

00:39:58.000 Yeah.

00:39:58.000 You never know.

00:39:59.000 And you don't know this freak.

00:40:01.000 If he's that dumb that he's yelling at some lady that works there or some guy that works there, he's a fucking moron.

00:40:06.000 Who knows what kind of shitty judgment that guy's going to have.

00:40:08.000 He was bald with a ponytail, if that says everything.

00:40:11.000 Oh, that's everything.

00:40:12.000 That's a terrible look.

00:40:13.000 You know that guy.

00:40:14.000 Unless he's Tong Po.

00:40:16.000 Stop it.

00:40:18.000 Bald ponytail is such a choice.

00:40:20.000 Why would he do that?

00:40:21.000 Why would you do bald ponytail?

00:40:23.000 It's so funny, man.

00:40:24.000 Is there a girl out there that fucks guys only who are bald with ponytails?

00:40:27.000 Sadly, yeah.

00:40:28.000 Come on.

00:40:28.000 Sadly, someone fucks the bald ponytail guy.

00:40:31.000 How's that work?

00:40:33.000 What's his game?

00:40:34.000 Yeah.

00:40:35.000 Money.

00:40:35.000 Speaking of bald ponytail, did you see what happened in the game when LeBron's hair fell off?

00:40:39.000 Somebody showed me a photo, but I thought that looked so...

00:40:42.000 Was that real?

00:40:42.000 No, it's real.

00:40:43.000 Look, the guy is a fucking billionaire.

00:40:46.000 Yeah.

00:40:46.000 He's a god amongst men.

00:40:49.000 Yeah.

00:40:49.000 He's a giant super athlete with a really well-shaped head.

00:40:52.000 What the fuck, man?

00:40:54.000 Shave your head, bud.

00:40:54.000 Shave your goddamn head.

00:40:55.000 Pull up that picture, because I want to see the fucking...

00:40:57.000 He's got some nonsense glued on his head that's, like, not his hair.

00:41:00.000 He has a toupee?

00:41:01.000 Look at that.

00:41:02.000 Look at that.

00:41:02.000 See, his hair moved up, and someone had to tell him.

00:41:05.000 He says, oh, thanks, bro.

00:41:07.000 So you get the bandana back in place.

00:41:10.000 His hair moved.

00:41:12.000 Wait, why did he?

00:41:12.000 Yeah, he's got some shit glued on his head.

00:41:15.000 Bro, the guy, he's handsome.

00:41:18.000 He's a superior physical specimen.

00:41:20.000 LeBron's hair falls out during game.

00:41:22.000 Oh, God.

00:41:23.000 Go full screen, Jamie.

00:41:24.000 Full screen.

00:41:26.000 It's disappearing.

00:41:27.000 Anthony Davis is telling him, hey, dog, your hair's up.

00:41:30.000 Your hair fell off, dog.

00:41:32.000 Oh, he did tell him.

00:41:34.000 Yeah.

00:41:34.000 Hey.

00:41:35.000 Oh, he's pointing to something's up with your hair.

00:41:38.000 He's laughing.

00:41:39.000 Are they friends?

00:41:40.000 Yeah.

00:41:41.000 That's what I was telling you.

00:41:42.000 He's the only guy on the team that could probably tell him that.

00:41:43.000 Anybody else would get traded immediately, probably.

00:41:45.000 Look at him.

00:41:45.000 He's fucking with his hair.

00:41:46.000 Oh, shit.

00:41:48.000 Oh, shit.

00:41:48.000 And last night, he didn't have the headband on.

00:41:50.000 He had somebody fix it up nice.

00:41:52.000 Oh, God.

00:41:53.000 He did have the headband on?

00:41:54.000 No, he did not last night.

00:41:55.000 Look at this.

00:41:56.000 That's nonsense.

00:41:57.000 What's going on with his hair?

00:41:58.000 Hey.

00:41:59.000 Hey, something wrong with your hair?

00:42:00.000 Yo, dog.

00:42:01.000 He's laughing.

00:42:02.000 Yo, dog.

00:42:03.000 Gotta fix that.

00:42:04.000 Just so weird.

00:42:05.000 Like, why does he want to deal with that?

00:42:07.000 You know what it is?

00:42:08.000 Because he hasn't accepted it yet.

00:42:10.000 Yeah, but also, he's still young.

00:42:12.000 He's 35. Whatever.

00:42:14.000 Yeah, I know, but in his mind, he's like, I gotta still be the young guy, you know?

00:42:18.000 Yeah, but shave your fucking head.

00:42:19.000 It's like John Cena grew his hair out now.

00:42:20.000 I saw him on a fucking billboard, and he has long hair, and he always had, like, short military cut, you know?

00:42:25.000 Well, he's trying to be a family man now.

00:42:26.000 I know, he wants to be that guy.

00:42:28.000 You're talking about the movies he's doing now.

00:42:30.000 It's like a kid's firefighter movie or some bullshit.

00:42:33.000 Oh, come on, dude.

00:42:35.000 He wants to do The Rock.

00:42:36.000 He wants to be The Rock so fucking bad.

00:42:39.000 Well, it seems like a good move.

00:42:40.000 Yeah, but he won't be The Rock.

00:42:41.000 The Rock is the fucking Rock.

00:42:43.000 He's not going to come anywhere near being The Rock.

00:42:45.000 Can he be John Cena?

00:42:46.000 Nope.

00:42:47.000 Can't even be John Cena?

00:42:48.000 Nope.

00:42:49.000 Take a hike, bud.

00:42:50.000 No.

00:42:50.000 He is John Cena.

00:42:52.000 He just wants to follow that path of WWE guy who's sweet and nice and affable and also strong and can play the tough guy.

00:43:00.000 But The Rock is a special person.

00:43:03.000 People think they're going to be that guy.

00:43:05.000 But can he be a version of that?

00:43:06.000 No.

00:43:07.000 What can he do?

00:43:08.000 No, because it always looks cheap.

00:43:10.000 What's the guy in the Fast and Furious?

00:43:11.000 What's his name?

00:43:12.000 Vin Diesel?

00:43:13.000 Yeah.

00:43:13.000 It always looks cheesy.

00:43:14.000 He's like, I got the family.

00:43:17.000 Family over everything.

00:43:18.000 He sounds cheesy everything he does.

00:43:21.000 The big tough guy thing is like, only so many guys can pull it off anymore.

00:43:25.000 Well, it has to be authentic.

00:43:27.000 It has to be who you are.

00:43:28.000 First of all, The Rock's an undeniable, giant, tough guy.

00:43:31.000 Yeah, he's a fucking badass.

00:43:32.000 He's a gorilla.

00:43:33.000 He's built like a fucking brick shithouse.

00:43:35.000 He's six foot six, stacked, super jeans, Hawaiian, gorgeous man.

00:43:42.000 Mammoth man.

00:43:42.000 Super nice.

00:43:43.000 Everybody loves him.

00:43:44.000 Who doesn't love The Rock?

00:43:45.000 Nobody.

00:43:47.000 So big.

00:43:47.000 So it's authentic.

00:43:48.000 Jesus Christ, he's so big.

00:43:49.000 And John Cena, I'm sure he's a tough guy.

00:43:52.000 I'm sure he's strong.

00:43:52.000 He's tough.

00:43:54.000 I think they all think that they can come into Hollywood and it's like an easy transfer.

00:43:57.000 It's definitely not easy.

00:43:58.000 No, it's just not the same thing.

00:44:00.000 Well, you know who's doing it, though?

00:44:01.000 Dave Bautista.

00:44:02.000 He's found his way.

00:44:04.000 He has.

00:44:04.000 I know.

00:44:05.000 He's in that movie with, what the fuck's his name?

00:44:07.000 Yeah, but he's in Guardians of the Galaxy.

00:44:09.000 He's great in those movies.

00:44:10.000 You want to tell your story?

00:44:12.000 What are you going to tell me?

00:44:13.000 Tell me something.

00:44:14.000 Shut up.

00:44:14.000 He's great in those movies.

00:44:15.000 No, he's not.

00:44:16.000 He's not?

00:44:17.000 Yeah.

00:44:18.000 Tell me.

00:44:19.000 I did a table read for that movie.

00:44:21.000 You know, because I knew some of the people involved.

00:44:24.000 And we were just tabling.

00:44:25.000 You know, they just want people to come and read.

00:44:26.000 Right.

00:44:27.000 And I was tabling and reading for it.

00:44:29.000 And Bautista, man, he...

00:44:31.000 Look, I felt like he didn't want to even fucking do it.

00:44:35.000 Like, half of the time...

00:44:35.000 Guardians of the Galaxy?

00:44:36.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:44:37.000 The thing with Kumail, the Stuber thing.

00:44:39.000 But he was reading it, and he was doing...

00:44:40.000 I mean, he had glasses on.

00:44:41.000 He was, like, doing this.

00:44:43.000 I mean, seriously, he would go like this.

00:44:44.000 I mean, this is the script.

00:44:45.000 Right.

00:44:45.000 This is in front of, like, all the executives and shit.

00:44:47.000 Right.

00:44:47.000 And he would go...

00:44:50.000 Time to be the guy that I need to be.

00:44:53.000 Wait a minute, but it's for you.

00:44:55.000 No, dude.

00:44:55.000 This is for everyone.

00:44:57.000 Table read.

00:44:57.000 Yeah, table read.

00:44:58.000 Everyone's in the room.

00:44:59.000 It means executives, producers, directors.

00:45:00.000 So he had never gotten a script before?

00:45:02.000 It felt like it was fucking his first time on that boat, bud.

00:45:04.000 I was like, what is going on, dude?

00:45:06.000 Maybe it was.

00:45:08.000 For that script.

00:45:10.000 That'd be crazy.

00:45:12.000 That'd be crazy for him to never see that script and do a studio table read.

00:45:16.000 I shouldn't even have said that.

00:45:17.000 Hmm.

00:45:18.000 Whatever.

00:45:19.000 I'm not in the movie.

00:45:21.000 Yeah.

00:45:21.000 It just felt like he was like...

00:45:22.000 I'm just saying, the difference when you meet people in this industry, in the television and film, that are like just really, really good.

00:45:31.000 Right.

00:45:32.000 On it.

00:45:32.000 You see it right away.

00:45:33.000 They're on it.

00:45:34.000 They're fucking...

00:45:34.000 I bet you The Rock is phenomenal in table reads.

00:45:37.000 And table reads are important because the studio gets to see it.

00:45:40.000 You're selling it a little bit.

00:45:41.000 You know what I mean?

00:45:42.000 The movie's going to get fucking made.

00:45:44.000 It doesn't matter.

00:45:45.000 But it's just like it sells you more to all of these other sources to feel like this is the guy we want to get behind.

00:45:51.000 Because I've run into a lot of great actors and actresses in the business and you can fucking tell, dude, the way that they handle things sometimes you're like, oh man, that's why they're good.

00:46:00.000 They just are ready for it.

00:46:03.000 It's the same way a good comedian can just turn on.

00:46:06.000 We can be having this conversation seconds later.

00:46:09.000 You get on stage and it's like...

00:46:10.000 And you know when to produce.

00:46:14.000 Well, maybe he already got the gig.

00:46:16.000 Didn't give a fuck.

00:46:17.000 Yeah, he doesn't give a fuck.

00:46:18.000 That's a bummer.

00:46:19.000 I guess.

00:46:20.000 Maybe.

00:46:21.000 Was the movie good?

00:46:22.000 I didn't see it.

00:46:23.000 Did you see it?

00:46:24.000 Did anybody see it?

00:46:24.000 There you go.

00:46:25.000 You know what's a bummer to me?

00:46:27.000 That fucking Will Smith movie.

00:46:29.000 What, the Gemini Man?

00:46:31.000 Nobody went to see it.

00:46:33.000 Giant box office loss.

00:46:34.000 It looked fucking amazing.

00:46:35.000 But it was up against like two other, right?

00:46:37.000 Didn't it come out?

00:46:38.000 It was up against the Joker.

00:46:38.000 Joker and one other film though.

00:46:40.000 Yeah.

00:46:40.000 Something else.

00:46:41.000 Something else that was fucking huge.

00:46:43.000 It's like you couldn't, did you see Joker?

00:46:44.000 Yes.

00:46:45.000 I saw it.

00:46:46.000 I loved it.

00:46:47.000 I told you this when we were in Detroit.

00:46:49.000 I nearly lost my shit.

00:46:51.000 I hear in the middle of the film, in the middle of a really serious scene, I hear someone go, they're punched in on his face.

00:46:58.000 I hear a woman go, did they photoshop a hair lip on him?

00:47:03.000 What the fuck?

00:47:04.000 I was losing it.

00:47:06.000 I almost threw my popcorn.

00:47:07.000 I was almost like, that's it.

00:47:08.000 I'm out of here.

00:47:09.000 I felt like the way I felt when I first saw the movie Belly in theater.

00:47:12.000 When you hear things...

00:47:13.000 Like that?

00:47:14.000 Like you hear things sometimes.

00:47:15.000 Like you hear things like out of nowhere.

00:47:18.000 I heard a girl say, in the ass is okay, but in the ass and the mouth, no fucking way.

00:47:23.000 I heard a girl say that.

00:47:24.000 She's right!

00:47:25.000 She's right!

00:47:26.000 But it's just like that combination of things when you're like, what?

00:47:30.000 You're like, I'm sorry, this is Jimmy John's.

00:47:32.000 In the ass is fine, but in the ass and in the mouth, no fucking way.

00:47:36.000 Like, oh boy.

00:47:37.000 What was the context of that fucking conversation?

00:47:40.000 I don't remember.

00:47:41.000 Well, there's a site that's dedicated to that called Overheard in LA. Overheard in LA? And all they do is talk about bullshit that you hear in Los Angeles.

00:47:48.000 That's like stupid LA-only phrases, you know?

00:47:51.000 Yeah.

00:47:51.000 And that's got to be one of them.

00:47:53.000 This place.

00:47:55.000 You're out.

00:47:57.000 I'm checked out because it's on fire.

00:47:59.000 I know.

00:47:59.000 It's on fire.

00:48:00.000 The whole fucking place is on fire.

00:48:01.000 Bel Air is on fire right now.

00:48:02.000 Yeah.

00:48:03.000 Bel Air.

00:48:03.000 Yeah.

00:48:04.000 Yeah.

00:48:04.000 What do we got?

00:48:05.000 Girl dressed as a cat.

00:48:06.000 I'm almost 30. This Halloween is my last chance to fuck a guy dressed as Harry Potter.

00:48:15.000 It's great.

00:48:16.000 See?

00:48:17.000 It's just fucking great.

00:48:19.000 Overheard in L.A. How much are those writers, though, that are writing that kind of stuff?

00:48:22.000 It's gotta be, of course, yeah.

00:48:23.000 I'm sure it was birthed organically.

00:48:25.000 I'm sure some dude started it for fun, and then it just, you know, kept going.

00:48:29.000 Yeah, I'd like to fucking, I'd like to go away from the fires.

00:48:31.000 Northern California is even worse than we are.

00:48:33.000 I think we complain, but they're really lit up.

00:48:35.000 Sonoma's on fire.

00:48:35.000 Bad.

00:48:36.000 Yeah, they get it bad.

00:48:37.000 Yeah, it's bad up there.

00:48:38.000 Yeah, that's where Henry Cejudo almost fucking burnt to death.

00:48:40.000 You can catch fires, man, everywhere that's dry.

00:48:44.000 And L.A. is dry as fuck.

00:48:47.000 And last year, we got a lot of rain in the winter, and everybody predicted that all this rain was going to dry out as soon as the rainy season was over.

00:48:55.000 The grass was going to grow really high because of all the nutrients and all the water.

00:48:58.000 And then, boom.

00:49:00.000 When you have fires and then water, it's a terrible combination because apparently all the carbon from the fire actually helps...

00:49:07.000 All these plants grow.

00:49:09.000 Right.

00:49:09.000 And then it just gets...

00:49:10.000 So it's overgrown and then now it's overgrown and there's all this dead shit now.

00:49:12.000 Dude, it's so overgrown.

00:49:14.000 Yeah.

00:49:14.000 So the areas where I run, weeds were higher than I'd ever seen them before.

00:49:19.000 Right.

00:49:19.000 Like fucking six foot tall weeds and all that mustard grass shit.

00:49:23.000 You know that stuff?

00:49:24.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:49:24.000 That fucking shit's everywhere, man.

00:49:26.000 Yeah, and then when that dries up, it's over.

00:49:27.000 What are those things called, like my dog gets them up?

00:49:30.000 Foxtails?

00:49:30.000 Yeah.

00:49:30.000 Oh my God, dude.

00:49:32.000 Everywhere.

00:49:32.000 And that shit's dry and fucked up everywhere.

00:49:34.000 My dog gets them everywhere because he has long hair.

00:49:36.000 Yeah, Goldens are bad with that.

00:49:37.000 And he runs into the fucking bushes.

00:49:39.000 He loves that shit.

00:49:40.000 He's crazy.

00:49:41.000 Takes forever.

00:49:41.000 We took my dog fucking camping.

00:49:43.000 That was the worst shit on earth because she was just rolling around in that shit.

00:49:46.000 Oh, they love it.

00:49:47.000 And she gets back all happy and I'm like, God damn it, I gotta pick these fucking things out for like an hour.

00:49:51.000 You gotta brush them.

00:49:52.000 You gotta brush them.

00:49:53.000 It's the worst.

00:49:54.000 Yeah, we're on fire.

00:49:55.000 I wanna go.

00:49:55.000 I wish we could go.

00:49:56.000 Where would you go?

00:49:57.000 You'd go to Chicago, right?

00:49:58.000 I'd go back to Chicago.

00:49:58.000 Yeah, I would.

00:49:59.000 If I really could, I would.

00:50:00.000 If I could just tour from Chicago and then do whatever I wanted to do every once in a while.

00:50:05.000 Why couldn't you?

00:50:06.000 So much to do here.

00:50:08.000 There's so much shit here.

00:50:09.000 You know what's the problem?

00:50:11.000 Friends.

00:50:11.000 Yeah, friends.

00:50:12.000 Like you and Diaz and all our friends that are here.

00:50:17.000 You know, I love the fact, like last night I did that benefit for Callan, Callan's friend.

00:50:21.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:22.000 I go there.

00:50:23.000 Schaub's there.

00:50:24.000 Norm MacDonald's there.

00:50:26.000 We're all having fun.

00:50:28.000 Callan's there.

00:50:29.000 We're all laughing, hugging each other.

00:50:31.000 We have a great time.

00:50:32.000 Chappelle Lacey was there.

00:50:34.000 We're all laughing.

00:50:35.000 It's so fun.

00:50:36.000 I'm like, I love the fact that I could leave my house.

00:50:38.000 I left my house at 8 o'clock.

00:50:39.000 I'm there at 9. I'm home by like midnight.

00:50:42.000 Not even, I think I was home at 11.30.

00:50:44.000 I was only there for like an hour and a half, but I had a great time.

00:50:46.000 I had a recharge of camaraderie and friendship.

00:50:49.000 You're not going to get that if you leave.

00:50:50.000 And plus, it was cool to do, you know, we did an arena Saturday night, and then we go to do the main room.

00:50:56.000 It's like, you feel the difference between those two rooms.

00:50:59.000 So different.

00:51:00.000 Well, you know what you ought to talk about is how fucking, we were taken back by the Fox Theater.

00:51:04.000 It was fucking insane in Detroit, huh?

00:51:06.000 Yeah, people, you could see it on my Instagram.

00:51:08.000 I took videos of it, and some photos, and it's the most beautiful theater.

00:51:13.000 And I've worked at a lot of beautiful theaters.

00:51:15.000 It's the most beautiful theater I've ever It was stunning, man.

00:51:17.000 The staff was so cool, they took us out afterwards.

00:51:20.000 The show was done.

00:51:20.000 We had chilled for a while.

00:51:22.000 Me and Ian Edwards and Joe had gone back down to the stage, and holy shit.

00:51:27.000 Look at how fucking incredible that is.

00:51:29.000 It's crazy.

00:51:30.000 And this is from the 1920s, and they restored it.

00:51:33.000 Did he say in the 80s?

00:51:34.000 80s, yeah.

00:51:35.000 In the 80s it got restored.

00:51:36.000 Fucking A, this place is beautiful.

00:51:38.000 And the staff there is proud.

00:51:40.000 Yeah.

00:51:40.000 Like that dude that...

00:51:41.000 I forget.

00:51:42.000 I don't remember his name, unfortunately.

00:51:44.000 Really nice guy that...

00:51:44.000 Look at that.

00:51:45.000 That gave us all the...

00:51:47.000 And then they turned the lights down for us so we could see what it really looks like and then turned the roof light on.

00:51:54.000 Because they had all these spotlights on so they could clean and get everything ready.

00:51:57.000 And they turned those down for us and then turned the house lights on so we could see all the ornate, gilded woodwork.

00:52:03.000 And just like, you can't build a place like this anymore.

00:52:06.000 You can kind of see on the top row there's faces carved up there.

00:52:10.000 Yeah.

00:52:10.000 And he said they're all hand-done.

00:52:12.000 I mean, it's just...

00:52:13.000 It was fucking unreal.

00:52:14.000 Oh, he said they redid it in the 80s and five guys died while building it, while fixing it.

00:52:19.000 And he said when they had a guy up there cleaning, they found a helmet and like a pickaxe almost that was like placed and the helmet was on the pickaxe.

00:52:30.000 And this bozo comes down and he's like, Hey, Mick, look at this shit!

00:52:34.000 And the guy was like, Hey, put that back.

00:52:35.000 That was in memory of one of the builders that died during the...

00:52:40.000 Original construction of it.

00:52:41.000 They had put it deep in the rafters.

00:52:43.000 He found it while he was cleaning.

00:52:44.000 It was awesome.

00:52:46.000 He was like, this place is...

00:52:46.000 And then right away, of course, I knew it was going to go there.

00:52:49.000 After me and Joe were like...

00:52:50.000 Oh yeah, fucking yeah.

00:52:51.000 This is amazing.

00:52:52.000 And then he goes, and you know it's haunted.

00:52:55.000 I was like, I knew that was coming.

00:52:56.000 I could tell from that.

00:52:57.000 Everything's haunted.

00:52:58.000 I could look from his face.

00:52:58.000 He wanted to tell us that so bad.

00:53:00.000 Your mother's pussy's haunted.

00:53:01.000 Your mother's pussy's haunted.

00:53:02.000 He said somebody, George Lopez?

00:53:04.000 No.

00:53:05.000 He said some comic was there and could hear the knocking.

00:53:08.000 Apparently there was like knocking in the roof and he just bitched about it half of the show.

00:53:12.000 Was saying like he kept hearing the knocking while he was on stage.

00:53:15.000 And I was like, really?

00:53:16.000 The Laster didn't subdue the fucking knocking?

00:53:18.000 You might be bombing, bro.

00:53:20.000 Yeah, dude, you can hear the knocking.

00:53:21.000 There's something about the knocking that's bothering me.

00:53:23.000 Well, dude, the other night, you said it, at the improv, there was a cricket inside.

00:53:27.000 Oh, yeah.

00:53:27.000 It was amplified.

00:53:29.000 You could hear it so loud.

00:53:30.000 It was so loud.

00:53:31.000 And that was both shows.

00:53:33.000 Yeah.

00:53:33.000 Right?

00:53:34.000 Yes, it was insane.

00:53:34.000 Both shows Wednesday.

00:53:35.000 For the first show, I didn't hear it, because Jesus was like, Jesus made a joke right away.

00:53:39.000 He goes, man, you know it's bad when the crickets are louder than the laughs.

00:53:42.000 He said it on stage?

00:53:43.000 Yeah.

00:53:44.000 And then I was like, I didn't hear it.

00:53:46.000 I went on stage, I couldn't really hear it.

00:53:47.000 And then the second show, it was so loud I could hear it.

00:53:50.000 It must have been up in the roof in something.

00:53:52.000 No, it was over near the piano somewhere.

00:53:54.000 Oh, the piano.

00:53:54.000 It was over right, it was amplifying.

00:53:57.000 The piano.

00:53:58.000 Joe loves the piano at the Hollywood Improv.

00:54:01.000 That's his favorite item.

00:54:02.000 It's my favorite thing.

00:54:02.000 I love the I love the fact that it takes up seats.

00:54:04.000 I love the fact that it gets in the way of the people that are sitting over there.

00:54:07.000 They don't have a good view of the show.

00:54:08.000 I love the fact that it's fucking useless and no one plays piano there.

00:54:12.000 They say Craig Robinson uses it.

00:54:13.000 Craig Robinson has his own fucking keyboard.

00:54:15.000 Brings his keyboard.

00:54:16.000 Brings it everywhere he goes.

00:54:17.000 Whenever he does shows, it's not hard.

00:54:19.000 Puts it in his trunk.

00:54:20.000 Yep.

00:54:20.000 I see him.

00:54:21.000 They have one there for him, too, by the way.

00:54:23.000 They have a keyboard.

00:54:24.000 Oh, yeah.

00:54:24.000 Roll that bitch out.

00:54:25.000 You don't need that stupid fucking piano.

00:54:27.000 Then they have two stupid fucking pianos.

00:54:29.000 They have one upstairs in the green room.

00:54:30.000 Yeah.

00:54:30.000 I'm like, what?

00:54:31.000 What?

00:54:32.000 What?

00:54:33.000 You know Bud probably loved pianos.

00:54:35.000 Pianos and monocles.

00:54:36.000 I love pianos.

00:54:39.000 He must have fucking loved to buy two pianos.

00:54:42.000 It is an old idea.

00:54:43.000 Did the store used to have a piano right next to the stage?

00:54:46.000 In the main room.

00:54:47.000 Like when you would stand by the stage, Jeff Scott would play piano like he does in the main room?

00:54:51.000 Yeah.

00:54:51.000 Does he still play piano in the main room?

00:54:53.000 Or in the OR rather?

00:54:54.000 Keyboard in the OR. Keyboard.

00:54:55.000 Yeah, he's got a keyboard over there.

00:54:56.000 Yeah, well they used to have a piano in the main room.

00:55:00.000 Yeah, I do remember it.

00:55:01.000 So keyboard in the OR, piano in the...

00:55:02.000 Is that the only club that still has a professional keyboardist that plays you up?

00:55:08.000 Well, down in San Diego at the Comedy Store.

00:55:10.000 Another Comedy Store.

00:55:12.000 Yeah, he plays.

00:55:12.000 He plays down there too.

00:55:14.000 Lou, Sweet Lou.

00:55:14.000 He plays the keyboard down there.

00:55:17.000 Might be the most underrated room in the world.

00:55:19.000 Yeah.

00:55:20.000 Comedy Store La Jolla.

00:55:21.000 La Jolla is fucking phenomenal.

00:55:21.000 Might be the most underrated.

00:55:23.000 It's phenomenal.

00:55:24.000 It's actually...

00:55:25.000 I've talked about this before.

00:55:28.000 It's the perfect shape and size and number because it's a nice box.

00:55:31.000 It's low and quiet and black.

00:55:33.000 The stage is not too high.

00:55:35.000 It's great.

00:55:35.000 It's like the OR in LA, but it's on one.

00:55:39.000 You know what I mean?

00:55:39.000 Some guys have...

00:55:40.000 DePaulo filmed or recorded one of his comedy specials there.

00:55:44.000 At La Jolla?

00:55:45.000 Yeah, a CD. Yeah, he recorded a CD there.

00:55:47.000 It's a fucking great place to do stand-up.

00:55:49.000 It is.

00:55:50.000 And it's packed constantly, because those people down there, they don't want to make the drive to come up to fucking L.A., and there's nothing around there club-wise.

00:55:57.000 Yeah, you get American Comedy Company in San Diego, they can go there, but La Jolla is so beautiful.

00:56:03.000 La Jolla is beautiful, man.

00:56:03.000 If I lived in La Jolla, I wouldn't want to go anywhere.

00:56:05.000 We said that if we were going to go down to San Diego, you'd move to La Jolla.

00:56:09.000 Oh, yes!

00:56:09.000 Yeah, it's fucking beautiful.

00:56:10.000 The fucking cliffs.

00:56:12.000 You ever see the view off the cliffs there?

00:56:14.000 Yeah, it'd be breakfast over there.

00:56:15.000 It's so nice, man.

00:56:16.000 It's stunning.

00:56:16.000 It's a great little pocket, you know?

00:56:18.000 And you can walk to Tijuana.

00:56:19.000 Yeah.

00:56:20.000 How crazy is that?

00:56:21.000 I don't want to do that shit.

00:56:22.000 But how crazy is that?

00:56:23.000 We were saying that in the car.

00:56:24.000 We were like, San Diego is this beautiful, pristine city with a lot of money.

00:56:29.000 I will argue not a ton of culture, but that's okay.

00:56:32.000 How dare you?

00:56:33.000 Yeah, that's okay.

00:56:34.000 I mean, you've seen some of the shit that fucking...

00:56:35.000 How dare you?

00:56:35.000 Yeah, okay.

00:56:36.000 And then you cross the fucking border, and TJ is like, donkeys, fucking women, marshmallow shows...

00:56:42.000 Fucking chicklets.

00:56:43.000 What's a marshmallow show?

00:56:44.000 You know where they shoot marshmallows out of their pussy?

00:56:46.000 Do they really?

00:56:47.000 Yeah, you don't know about that?

00:56:47.000 What kind of force do you have to generate to get a marshmallow?

00:56:49.000 Dude, you gotta have strong muscles.

00:56:52.000 What does it sound like?

00:56:56.000 Ping pong balls.

00:57:00.000 I've seen ping pong.

00:57:01.000 Stan Hope told me a story about some lady in Thailand that could chew up bananas with her pussy and spit out chunks of it.

00:57:08.000 Should take...

00:57:12.000 She'd take a banana, stuff it in her pussy, chop it up.

00:57:16.000 In my head, I just saw it has teeth.

00:57:20.000 Well, she just had a fucking severe pinch.

00:57:25.000 Some girls have stronger pussies than other girls.

00:57:27.000 That is just a fact.

00:57:29.000 And I think some gals just let the pussy be what it is.

00:57:32.000 Get it in there.

00:57:32.000 Oh, we both feel good.

00:57:33.000 It feels amazing.

00:57:34.000 And some girls are like, no, no, no.

00:57:35.000 You can put a little extra in there.

00:57:37.000 Just put a little extra salt.

00:57:38.000 Check this out.

00:57:40.000 Some girls just know how to squeeze it.

00:57:42.000 Genetics?

00:57:42.000 Or is there training, too?

00:57:44.000 No, Kegels, man.

00:57:45.000 There's exercises.

00:57:46.000 But it's just the act of squeezing it.

00:57:48.000 I think every girl can squeeze it.

00:57:50.000 But the act of actively squeezing it requires work.

00:57:53.000 I know.

00:57:53.000 When you feel the squeeze, it's awesome.

00:57:55.000 Well, it's also...

00:57:56.000 It feels great no matter what.

00:57:58.000 Yeah.

00:57:58.000 Right?

00:57:59.000 Yeah.

00:57:59.000 Vagina's a perfectly designed thing.

00:58:01.000 Yeah.

00:58:01.000 Out of all the things in nature...

00:58:03.000 To have sex with?

00:58:04.000 Vagina's number one.

00:58:05.000 It's the best.

00:58:05.000 Let me think for a second.

00:58:07.000 I don't know.

00:58:08.000 I haven't really fucked with a lot of different things.

00:58:10.000 But a vagina is about as good as it gets.

00:58:12.000 Like, nature's designed so that you spooge really quickly so that you can make a baby while the lions are coming after you.

00:58:17.000 That's how it was invented.

00:58:17.000 Come and go.

00:58:18.000 Come and go.

00:58:19.000 Because it's supposed to be like, run!

00:58:22.000 Fucking leopards!

00:58:23.000 That's how you know we're getting lazier as a culture, because we're trying to hold out as long as we can.

00:58:27.000 Yeah.

00:58:27.000 Well, it's just weird.

00:58:28.000 We're so safe.

00:58:30.000 We're so safe.

00:58:30.000 We're trying to not cum.

00:58:32.000 How about those assholes that try to cum internally?

00:58:34.000 You know, they do tantric.

00:58:36.000 Oh, sting?

00:58:39.000 They don't come, they just have sex for hours.

00:58:41.000 Tantric sex?

00:58:42.000 Fuck that.

00:58:43.000 And they come internally.

00:58:46.000 Like their body absorbs it.

00:58:47.000 And they don't shoot any loads.

00:58:49.000 How weird to not shoot a load.

00:58:50.000 Actually, the first time I jerked off, I didn't shoot.

00:58:52.000 It scared me.

00:58:53.000 What did you do?

00:58:54.000 I jerked off and I came and I think I stopped and nothing came out.

00:58:57.000 And it freaked me the fuck out.

00:58:58.000 Nothing came out?

00:58:59.000 Nope.

00:58:59.000 How do you know you came?

00:59:00.000 Because I feel like I came.

00:59:02.000 But you were so young, you'd never come before.

00:59:04.000 I was 32. 32. No, I just remember the first time, and then I did it again later that night, and I did cum.

00:59:13.000 But I was scared.

00:59:14.000 I don't know.

00:59:14.000 I was freaked out.

00:59:15.000 You know what Eddie Bravo told me?

00:59:16.000 He told me when he was young, he was dating this girl, and she was always worried that he was cheating on her.

00:59:20.000 And so that if he would cum, she would get upset if it wasn't that much.

00:59:25.000 She's like, how come he didn't cum that much?

00:59:27.000 He's like, what?

00:59:28.000 There wasn't that much cum.

00:59:31.000 Did you fuck around?

00:59:33.000 And he was like, what?

00:59:35.000 Can you imagine someone judging the amount of projectile, the amount of ejaculate?

00:59:44.000 Well, was he?

00:59:45.000 I don't know.

00:59:47.000 Maybe she was keen.

00:59:48.000 She's like, this load is light.

00:59:50.000 It's a little light load here, pal.

00:59:51.000 Yeah, it's like when someone sells you an eighth of weed, you're like, hmm.

00:59:54.000 This looks a little suspect.

00:59:56.000 This bag feels a little on the light side.

00:59:58.000 Oh, dude, this annoyed me so much.

00:59:59.000 I saw an article that said they are finally at the final stages of making odorless weed.

01:00:05.000 This company in Colorado is making odorless weed.

01:00:08.000 Fuck them.

01:00:08.000 That's what I said.

01:00:08.000 Get the fuck out of here, dude.

01:00:10.000 Here's the thing about weed.

01:00:11.000 It only smells to other people.

01:00:13.000 When you're smoking, it doesn't smell.

01:00:15.000 Well, it's delicious.

01:00:16.000 But isn't that weird?

01:00:17.000 Yeah.

01:00:17.000 Like, when you're getting high, you're like, I don't smell anything.

01:00:20.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:00:21.000 You really can't.

01:00:21.000 And then people walk in the room like, what the fuck?

01:00:23.000 Did someone kill a skunk in this room?

01:00:25.000 Holy shit, boys.

01:00:27.000 What, do you smell weed?

01:00:28.000 These guys are trying to make it.

01:00:30.000 Everyone's trying to manipulate weed to be everything not weed.

01:00:33.000 Just fucking leave weed alone.

01:00:34.000 This is how those people died from that vape shit.

01:00:36.000 They made all that fake weed pods or whatever.

01:00:39.000 No, this is how they died from that vape shit.

01:00:40.000 They vape 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

01:00:42.000 Well, that's going to happen, too.

01:00:43.000 Take that robot dick out of your mouth, you fucking weirdo.

01:00:46.000 I was at my doctor's office the other day, and I got on the elevator.

01:00:48.000 It's one of my favorite things.

01:00:49.000 When a guy gets on the elevator, stinking of weed.

01:00:52.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:52.000 And then he recognizes me.

01:00:54.000 I'm like, what's up, bro?

01:00:54.000 He's like, yeah, I had to get my head straight.

01:00:57.000 He goes, for work.

01:00:59.000 But it's my job.

01:01:00.000 I mean, it's my company, so it's all right.

01:01:03.000 I go, okay.

01:01:03.000 What did he do?

01:01:05.000 I don't know.

01:01:06.000 But he's high as fuck.

01:01:07.000 But it was a medical office building.

01:01:09.000 I mean, maybe you can just...

01:01:10.000 Can't you rent an office there if you're not?

01:01:12.000 Sure.

01:01:12.000 Yeah, you don't have to be in the field.

01:01:13.000 Yeah.

01:01:14.000 I have to get my head straight, Joe.

01:01:15.000 Yeah, he's like, I have to get my head straight.

01:01:17.000 He stunk.

01:01:19.000 Stunk.

01:01:19.000 Stunk of weed.

01:01:20.000 Woo!

01:01:21.000 I like it when I walk by it, and you can smell it somewhere, and you're like, all right.

01:01:26.000 It's just like a nice little pick-me-up for the day.

01:01:28.000 Right, hotel rooms.

01:01:29.000 Good for them.

01:01:29.000 Like, when you pass in a hotel room, like...

01:01:31.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:32.000 Right there.

01:01:33.000 How funny is it Ohio still?

01:01:36.000 You have to have AIDS and cancer and leprosy.

01:01:39.000 Still.

01:01:39.000 I know someone that got it without that.

01:01:41.000 What'd they do?

01:01:42.000 Yeah, shoulder surgery or something like that.

01:01:44.000 Yeah, but come on.

01:01:44.000 But what happens after surgery?

01:01:46.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:01:47.000 When he has to renew it, I don't know.

01:01:48.000 I don't know what happens there, but...

01:01:49.000 But just right over in Michigan, free weed.

01:01:52.000 There's fucking billboards everywhere just like LA. It's spreading across the country.

01:01:56.000 It's nice.

01:01:57.000 It's a nice feeling like when you're in the car and you drive and you see, you know, the best cannabis in Michigan.

01:02:02.000 You're like, alright!

01:02:03.000 Right on.

01:02:03.000 Alright, you guys did it!

01:02:04.000 Welcome to the 21st century!

01:02:06.000 Dude, we were talking here in LA. They finally have full legal cannabis cafes where you can eat dinner and get hot.

01:02:14.000 You can get served by a bud tender and dinner.

01:02:16.000 Yeah, that's...

01:02:17.000 Lowell.

01:02:18.000 Lowell Cafe.

01:02:18.000 They're a sponsor of the podcast.

01:02:20.000 They're fucking awesome, dude.

01:02:21.000 Have you eaten there?

01:02:22.000 No, my buddy just went.

01:02:23.000 I heard the food is amazing.

01:02:24.000 He said the food was phenomenal.

01:02:25.000 Yeah.

01:02:26.000 But he says you get full blood tenders, full, like, really nice meals.

01:02:29.000 He's like, the ambiance is gorgeous.

01:02:31.000 It was this old...

01:02:32.000 I remember where it was, too.

01:02:33.000 It was an old, shitty, shut down, like...

01:02:36.000 You know in the corner of L.A. when it's like a...

01:02:38.000 It used to be a gas station.

01:02:39.000 Then it's like, they sell junk.

01:02:41.000 You know what I mean?

01:02:41.000 It's just like a junk pit, you know, of like...

01:02:44.000 Sometimes it's like a flower sale place or whatever, signs, and they gutted that, cleaned it out, turned it into this gorgeous restaurant with all this beautiful foliage on the outside.

01:02:53.000 It's really nice, man.

01:02:54.000 Here's the thing about cigarettes.

01:02:55.000 Cigarettes kill your taste buds.

01:02:57.000 Weed enhances your taste buds, which people don't know.

01:03:01.000 When you smoke weed and then eat, food tastes better.

01:03:04.000 Oh, it's so much better.

01:03:05.000 It does.

01:03:06.000 Even shit I don't like tastes better.

01:03:09.000 But also, do you think if you were high as fuck, you'd be able to tell there's something wrong with those vegetables that you ate?

01:03:15.000 Probably.

01:03:15.000 Actually, probably.

01:03:18.000 God, that's so funny.

01:03:19.000 Something's wrong.

01:03:20.000 If I turn, I go, dude, something's weird about this.

01:03:22.000 I'm not going to eat this shit anymore.

01:03:23.000 No, instead I was just like...

01:03:27.000 But that's got to be true, though, that it enhances in the right way.

01:03:30.000 That's like magic fruit.

01:03:31.000 We've talked about that.

01:03:32.000 What's magic fruit?

01:03:33.000 You can order this online.

01:03:34.000 Magic fruit changes the chemical composition of your taste buds on your tongue for about 15 to 20 minutes.

01:03:38.000 What is it?

01:03:39.000 So sour things taste sweet.

01:03:40.000 We talked about this?

01:03:41.000 Yeah, we talked about it.

01:03:42.000 When did we talk about it?

01:03:43.000 During the podcast?

01:03:43.000 I think we did.

01:03:44.000 Really?

01:03:45.000 Yeah, magic fruit.

01:03:46.000 Not on this one, but I know about it for sure.

01:03:49.000 Oh, so maybe you talked about it with another person.

01:03:51.000 Yeah, you should Google the real name.

01:03:52.000 I don't know what the magic fruit real name is, but it's a berry.

01:03:55.000 It's like the nut of a berry, and you eat it, and when you put it in your mouth, it doesn't taste great.

01:04:00.000 Or you put the dissolved tablets they have now, and your whole tongue, the composition of your tongue changes.

01:04:05.000 So, like, you could eat a lemon, and it tastes sweet.

01:04:07.000 Whoa.

01:04:08.000 Yeah, it's fucking...

01:04:09.000 Miracle fruit, sorry.

01:04:10.000 Miracle fruit.

01:04:11.000 Synespium delicious.

01:04:14.000 Synespium...

01:04:16.000 Dolphysium.

01:04:17.000 Look at you.

01:04:18.000 You're really good with Latin.

01:04:19.000 Dolphysium.

01:04:19.000 Dude, do you have a Latin education?

01:04:21.000 Yeah, man.

01:04:21.000 Plant known for its berry when eaten causes sour food subsequently consumed to taste sweet.

01:04:27.000 The effect is due to miraculin.

01:04:31.000 Miraculin sounds too close to mescaline.

01:04:33.000 Yeah.

01:04:34.000 What if you ordered one and you got the other?

01:04:36.000 Well, still have a good night.

01:04:38.000 Interesting.

01:04:39.000 Yeah, it's wild, man.

01:04:40.000 A good friend of mine did it at a dinner party.

01:04:42.000 Because a lot of people were skeptical.

01:04:43.000 They were like, I don't know.

01:04:45.000 He's like, could you try it?

01:04:46.000 So then for appetizers, he would give us this.

01:04:48.000 And they had a platter of different things to try out that were usually sour.

01:04:53.000 And it's insane how sweet it tastes.

01:04:55.000 What about What a sweet fruit, like a melon.

01:04:56.000 What would that taste like?

01:04:57.000 Well, everyone has...

01:04:59.000 When you taste sugars, it tastes different on everyone's tongue when you're on this fruit.

01:05:02.000 So for some people, it tastes dull.

01:05:03.000 And other people, it tastes kind of like off.

01:05:05.000 Like it's not the correct flavor profile.

01:05:08.000 So like some people...

01:05:10.000 Like for me, sugary stuff tasted kind of dull or like numb.

01:05:12.000 Like an apple?

01:05:13.000 It tastes dull?

01:05:15.000 Apple's not sweet enough.

01:05:16.000 Like an orange.

01:05:18.000 Like an orange slice.

01:05:19.000 It just tastes kind of...

01:05:20.000 Flat.

01:05:21.000 Flat.

01:05:22.000 Yeah, flat.

01:05:22.000 It's weird.

01:05:23.000 Interesting.

01:05:24.000 I never know about that.

01:05:25.000 I've never even heard about it.

01:05:26.000 See that?

01:05:27.000 Every day.

01:05:28.000 The more you know.

01:05:29.000 The more you know.

01:05:29.000 But that stuff...

01:05:30.000 I wish there was more shit like that for food when you ate it that like...

01:05:33.000 Makes it taste better?

01:05:34.000 Yeah, it makes different things taste better.

01:05:36.000 That gets rid of the one part that's nasty.

01:05:38.000 Like I like blue cheese, but then sometimes if I eat it...

01:05:42.000 I taste too much of the fucking...

01:05:45.000 Oh, I love that stuff.

01:05:46.000 I love it.

01:05:47.000 If it's too much, I'll eat a giant bar of blue cheese.

01:05:50.000 I can't.

01:05:52.000 Look at that.

01:05:52.000 Jamie loves it.

01:05:53.000 I love blue cheese.

01:05:54.000 It's just in small doses, I'm okay with it.

01:05:56.000 But if it's too much of the guffy cheese stuff, I can't do it.

01:05:59.000 I enjoy steak as is.

01:06:01.000 I don't need anything on steak, but I've had steak, like a filet mignon with a blue cheese crumble on top.

01:06:08.000 Goddamn.

01:06:09.000 Phenomenal.

01:06:09.000 We had good steaks at dinner that Jamie missed because he couldn't come see us and hang out.

01:06:12.000 Jamie fucked up.

01:06:13.000 Yeah, you fucked up, bro.

01:06:14.000 Fucking dork.

01:06:14.000 Jamie lost his...

01:06:15.000 Jamie got one of them cool front wallets, a Ridge wallet, which I have too.

01:06:19.000 They're the best.

01:06:20.000 But...

01:06:20.000 And they have RFID protection.

01:06:22.000 But has that ever happened to you?

01:06:23.000 Has anybody ever scanned your credit card?

01:06:25.000 I was wondering about that.

01:06:26.000 If people...

01:06:26.000 I mean, I remember like Dateline especially.

01:06:28.000 People can scan you when you're walking by.

01:06:30.000 They can do that, but how...

01:06:31.000 Does anybody ever do that?

01:06:33.000 I'm sure they do.

01:06:33.000 I definitely think they have done it.

01:06:35.000 Okay.

01:06:35.000 But how do they do it?

01:06:36.000 Do they have to be right on top of it?

01:06:37.000 Like, how does it work?

01:06:38.000 No, they have to be within a certain amount of distance.

01:06:40.000 Just like on the bank scanner.

01:06:41.000 Same thing, you know?

01:06:42.000 Yeah.

01:06:43.000 Yeah, I've heard they have to be within a few feet of you.

01:06:44.000 That's going to be pretty...

01:06:45.000 I think subways, places like that are more susceptible where you're sitting next to someone for a long period of time.

01:06:49.000 And they're just like...

01:06:50.000 Yeah, and they're right near you.

01:06:52.000 Walking by you has got to be so hard to pick it up.

01:06:54.000 Well, so Jamie has his Ridge wallet, but he also has sweatpants.

01:06:58.000 Yeah, don't worry about something.

01:06:58.000 And he also had his feet up on the chair in front of him.

01:07:01.000 He's jelling.

01:07:02.000 His legs were up in the air like he was giving birth.

01:07:04.000 And his shit fell out.

01:07:08.000 His ID? Credit cards?

01:07:10.000 Yeah, he lost it.

01:07:11.000 No cash, though, right?

01:07:12.000 No cash.

01:07:12.000 Maybe 20 bucks.

01:07:13.000 I don't know.

01:07:14.000 Yeah.

01:07:15.000 And your ID. So you couldn't come see us, man.

01:07:17.000 You fucked up, bro.

01:07:18.000 And he might be fucked up so hard that he can't come to New York next week for Masvidal versus Diaz.

01:07:24.000 Not even next week.

01:07:25.000 Saturday night.

01:07:26.000 Five days.

01:07:27.000 Yeah.

01:07:27.000 Saturday night.

01:07:28.000 He doesn't know when he's going to get his ID. Are you in process right now?

01:07:31.000 Yeah.

01:07:31.000 Did you try to get a passport?

01:07:35.000 So there's a couple of things that I thought you could do.

01:07:38.000 Apparently you can't do.

01:07:39.000 So there's a confusion on the ability for that.

01:07:43.000 The actual card is now on the way in the mail through the state.

01:07:46.000 So now it's just in the hands of the state.

01:07:47.000 You'll get it in a month.

01:07:48.000 The only time I ever lost it in Ohio, you could just go back and get it right away.

01:07:52.000 The old days.

01:07:53.000 Yeah, I don't know when the times have changed on that.

01:07:55.000 I don't think the birth certificate I have is certified because it's an actual photocopy of my real birth certificate, which I used to use.

01:08:01.000 That was a good thing to have back in the night.

01:08:03.000 Photocopying?

01:08:04.000 Bitch, you have to have a real one.

01:08:05.000 You have to have a stamped one and all sorts of shit.

01:08:06.000 I don't even have that.

01:08:08.000 My mom's going to help me get it.

01:08:09.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:08:10.000 Dude, I don't even know where any of that stuff...

01:08:12.000 It's got to be in my mom's house somewhere, but I have no fucking idea where that stuff is.

01:08:15.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:08:17.000 Social security caps.

01:08:17.000 I always bring my passport as well.

01:08:19.000 Just in case?

01:08:20.000 Yeah, just in case.

01:08:21.000 That's smart.

01:08:21.000 Yeah, but also clear.

01:08:23.000 Clear is the shit.

01:08:24.000 I know.

01:08:25.000 We walk right through.

01:08:25.000 It's the best.

01:08:26.000 You do your fingerprints.

01:08:27.000 Picture comes up.

01:08:28.000 You are clear.

01:08:29.000 You are clear.

01:08:30.000 Thank you.

01:08:31.000 And then you go on through.

01:08:32.000 The people are super friendly.

01:08:33.000 They walk you all the way up to the guy or the gal who's working there.

01:08:36.000 They wave at you.

01:08:37.000 Everybody walks right through.

01:08:38.000 And I have pre and TSA pre or TSA pre and clear.

01:08:42.000 Same.

01:08:43.000 Well, you don't travel international enough to have global, right?

01:08:46.000 You don't have global.

01:08:46.000 I have that too, bitch.

01:08:48.000 Why would you do it?

01:08:48.000 Why wouldn't I, bitch?

01:08:49.000 Do you go out of the country?

01:08:50.000 Shit.

01:08:51.000 I've been on the country every fucking year for the last 15 years.

01:08:53.000 I know, but does everybody in your family have it too?

01:08:55.000 Yes!

01:08:56.000 They all gotta have it.

01:08:57.000 Yeah.

01:08:57.000 Come on.

01:08:58.000 Global clearance.

01:08:59.000 Come on.

01:08:59.000 I don't fuck with that.

01:08:59.000 Come on.

01:09:00.000 You don't fuck with global entry?

01:09:01.000 I don't have it.

01:09:02.000 Global entry gives you free TSA pre.

01:09:04.000 How about that?

01:09:04.000 I already got the TSA pre.

01:09:05.000 I didn't know that.

01:09:07.000 You get one, you get both.

01:09:08.000 How about that?

01:09:08.000 I didn't know.

01:09:09.000 You gotta go everyone.

01:09:10.000 If most states...

01:09:12.000 I don't know actually...

01:09:12.000 I don't know how many states have this, but being at the DMV the last few days...

01:09:16.000 Real ID is a new thing coming through some states, and if you want to travel domestically, you have to get a new ID. What?

01:09:23.000 Or your passport.

01:09:24.000 Oh, I already have the passport.

01:09:26.000 That's the fly from here to Ohio.

01:09:27.000 You need your passport for that.

01:09:28.000 You're going to have to have a passport if you want to go to Vegas.

01:09:31.000 Shut up, that's so dumb.

01:09:33.000 Or get this new version of the California ID. Like get to go give another...

01:09:37.000 Big brother wants it, baby.

01:09:39.000 Just put something in my arm.

01:09:40.000 Just give me my ID in my arm.

01:09:41.000 That's what they want.

01:09:42.000 They want you to give in.

01:09:44.000 Let them do it.

01:09:45.000 Oh my I gave in when I bought this tracking device that's listening to me 24 hours a day.

01:09:50.000 Your phone?

01:09:51.000 Yes.

01:09:52.000 What's the worst thing you do that that phone picks up?

01:09:54.000 Talk shit.

01:09:57.000 That's normal.

01:09:58.000 That's normal.

01:09:59.000 Do you think that's so funny?

01:10:00.000 There's a file of all the shit talking.

01:10:03.000 What if they log your shit talking?

01:10:05.000 I'm sure they do.

01:10:06.000 I'm sure they do.

01:10:06.000 One day you're going to say something bad about the government.

01:10:09.000 They're going to pull you aside.

01:10:09.000 I say so many bad things about the government.

01:10:11.000 President Elizabeth Warren is going to bring you into a room.

01:10:13.000 Shut your mouth.

01:10:14.000 She's going to just show you all the things you've done.

01:10:16.000 It's going to be Peter Buttigieg.

01:10:18.000 You know that.

01:10:18.000 Peter Buttigieg.

01:10:20.000 What is that?

01:10:20.000 Some governor from some local...

01:10:23.000 South Bend, Indiana.

01:10:24.000 He's like, we got a fag running in the office.

01:10:27.000 Mayor Pete.

01:10:28.000 What did he say?

01:10:29.000 Some homo...

01:10:30.000 We got some homo running for president.

01:10:32.000 Who said that?

01:10:33.000 Some dude at some local government thing.

01:10:35.000 Did he?

01:10:35.000 Yeah, he was all mad.

01:10:36.000 And some woman left.

01:10:37.000 She was like, I'm so offended.

01:10:38.000 I'm so offended.

01:10:40.000 He's not even doing a good job as mayor.

01:10:42.000 That's what's ridiculous.

01:10:43.000 Remember when there was a cop that shot someone and his response was inadequate?

01:10:47.000 And so they had all these fucking people saying, how the fuck are you running for president while you're the mayor?

01:10:52.000 Which I don't understand either.

01:10:53.000 I don't understand how the fuck you could have an incredibly time-consuming taxing job like being the mayor of a major city.

01:11:02.000 Not major, but it's a city.

01:11:03.000 A city.

01:11:03.000 There's a few people living there.

01:11:05.000 You're supposed to be running that, and you're also running for president?

01:11:07.000 It sounds like you're slacking, right?

01:11:09.000 Yeah.

01:11:10.000 It's like if you had a job, and you were the fucking CEO of, whatever, fucking Heineken, right?

01:11:15.000 And then, in the meantime, you're out there campaigning to be the CEO of Budweiser.

01:11:21.000 Yeah.

01:11:21.000 Heineken will pull you over.

01:11:22.000 Hey, fuckface.

01:11:23.000 Can I talk to you for a second?

01:11:23.000 What are you doing?

01:11:25.000 What's up, dude?

01:11:25.000 You're not even here.

01:11:27.000 Eight hours out of the fucking week, you're off doing Budweiser shit.

01:11:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's a great gig.

01:11:33.000 The Budweiser gig is a great gig.

01:11:34.000 But that's a really good gig.

01:11:35.000 I'd like to keep the Heineken gig while I try to get the Budweiser gig, if you don't mind.

01:11:38.000 If you guys are cool with it.

01:11:39.000 I hope you guys are cool with it.

01:11:40.000 Did you find it?

01:11:41.000 You laughed.

01:11:42.000 Even more.

01:11:42.000 Look at that.

01:11:43.000 Wiley spread video.

01:11:44.000 A county commissioner, Warren Hurst, can be seen giving minutes-long speech against what he sees as an America changing towards liberal values, arguing to make his jurisdiction a gun sanctuary,

01:12:00.000 meaning that resources would be diverted away from enforcing certain gun laws.

01:12:05.000 Whoa.

01:12:06.000 In the speech, Hurst lamented, Well, we got running for president in the Democratic Party saying that better candidates could be found in jail.

01:12:16.000 He continued, we got a queer running for president.

01:12:19.000 If that ain't about as ugly as you can get.

01:12:22.000 We got a queer running for president.

01:12:24.000 If that ain't about as ugly as you can get.

01:12:27.000 What do you think would happen if you became president?

01:12:29.000 How bad would the homophobia be in this country?

01:12:31.000 Through the fucking roof.

01:12:32.000 Holy shit, it'd be endless.

01:12:34.000 It almost would be worse for gay people in the short run.

01:12:37.000 Yeah.

01:12:38.000 Right?

01:12:38.000 Yeah.

01:12:38.000 It's like the homophobes would make...

01:12:41.000 They would be so adamant.

01:12:43.000 It would be so...

01:12:43.000 It'd be dangerous for Buttigieg.

01:12:46.000 Buttigieg.

01:12:46.000 Buttigieg would set it up.

01:12:47.000 But he doesn't have a fucking snowball's chance in hell.

01:12:49.000 I mean, he's not even remotely close.

01:12:51.000 No.

01:12:52.000 You know who kills me is that Beto O'Rourke guy?

01:12:54.000 Beto O'Rourke, yeah.

01:12:55.000 He seems like a joke.

01:12:57.000 Yeah.

01:12:57.000 Like someone said, look, dude...

01:13:00.000 Here's the sketch.

01:13:01.000 For the next 24 months, you are going to pretend you're running for president.

01:13:05.000 And I just want you to skateboard and say a bunch of dumb shit.

01:13:09.000 Speak Spanish.

01:13:11.000 Real clumsy with the way you talk about things.

01:13:14.000 Tell them you're going to take their guns.

01:13:16.000 Just say it openly.

01:13:17.000 Say, fuck the Second Amendment.

01:13:18.000 I'm taking your guns.

01:13:20.000 Me.

01:13:21.000 Beta.

01:13:22.000 Beta or Rourke.

01:13:24.000 I'm going to be Alpha Osantino the next time I run.

01:13:26.000 It's like, you know how Ali G, he has these characters.

01:13:34.000 Sasha Baron Cohen.

01:13:36.000 He has the fucking Borat character.

01:13:40.000 He has the gay character.

01:13:42.000 It's almost like a character.

01:13:44.000 Yeah, like a fictional person.

01:13:46.000 Like a super emo sort of...

01:13:50.000 Sam Tripoli had a picture of Beto.

01:13:54.000 On his Instagram saying, don't ever forget this when this guy runs for president.

01:13:58.000 It's him covered with letters.

01:14:00.000 Like letters all over his body.

01:14:02.000 This is like vegan, feminist.

01:14:05.000 It's like writing all over his body.

01:14:07.000 And I said to Sam, is that really him?

01:14:10.000 He's like, fuck yeah it is.

01:14:11.000 But I don't know if Sam really knows.

01:14:12.000 Yeah, I was just going to say.

01:14:13.000 I don't know if Sam's done any research at all.

01:14:15.000 Sam and I have endless, endless arguments that go fucking nowhere.

01:14:18.000 But it's so perfect.

01:14:18.000 I almost hope it is him.

01:14:21.000 I'm looking for that exact picture.

01:14:23.000 The only thing I do know about him before this was happening was that he was known to be in this thing called the Cult of the Dead Cow, which is like a hacker group back in the day.

01:14:31.000 Oh my god.

01:14:32.000 One of our first hacker groups, you know, like when the movie Hackers was a thing, like that time period, I think.

01:14:38.000 It must come from that.

01:14:39.000 The cult of the dead.

01:14:40.000 Of him being covered with all the words?

01:14:42.000 That's right.

01:14:42.000 I don't know what the...

01:14:43.000 No, it's like him in his underwear with writing all over his body.

01:14:48.000 Did you see that they fucking changed the ABCs?

01:14:52.000 Yeah, how'd they do that?

01:14:53.000 Why'd they do that?

01:14:54.000 Now they don't, now it's not, you know, because our youth, you know, you learn LMNO. LMNOP. So now it's not LMNO. Why?

01:15:01.000 They sing it L, M, N, they change the rhythm of the fucking song.

01:15:05.000 Right, why did they do that?

01:15:06.000 Because they don't want kids to say LMNO to get confused that those are not separate, that they are separate letters.

01:15:11.000 I saw it yesterday.

01:15:12.000 Who's the they that changed it, though?

01:15:14.000 I don't know.

01:15:15.000 The one guy recorded a new version of the song and went viral.

01:15:17.000 But it's all over the place.

01:15:18.000 Who's the they that's getting confused?

01:15:20.000 Is it going in schools?

01:15:21.000 That's the only thing.

01:15:22.000 I don't know.

01:15:23.000 It's everywhere, though.

01:15:23.000 I don't know about that.

01:15:24.000 But did you find the Beto thing?

01:15:26.000 I'm looking for the picture.

01:15:27.000 I don't know.

01:15:27.000 I think I saved it in my favorites.

01:15:30.000 I see a bunch of older pictures of them back then.

01:15:33.000 I was going to save you on Sam's Instagram.

01:15:34.000 No, but did you look at Sam's Instagram?

01:15:36.000 Yeah, it's on his gram, right.

01:15:39.000 Or you could ask Sam to send it to you.

01:15:41.000 I didn't have it in my favorites.

01:15:43.000 I probably was so disturbed by it, I didn't make it a favorite.

01:15:45.000 You know, it's Sam's wallpaper on his phone, I'm sure.

01:15:48.000 Sam's wallpaper in his house.

01:15:52.000 Send us.

01:15:53.000 I don't see it on his Instagram.

01:15:55.000 It's pretty far back.

01:15:56.000 Okay.

01:15:57.000 Yeah, it's like six months ago.

01:15:59.000 Oh.

01:16:00.000 Yeah, maybe too far back, because he posts every day.

01:16:02.000 It might not be worth it.

01:16:04.000 I was just going to say.

01:16:04.000 Just Instagram Sam Tripoli Beto.

01:16:10.000 What a weird name, too.

01:16:11.000 Beto.

01:16:12.000 Beto.

01:16:12.000 It's so close to Beto.

01:16:14.000 Beto O'Rourke.

01:16:16.000 He seems like such a silly guy.

01:16:18.000 And then that girl, Katie Hill, announced her resignment because she's getting harassed.

01:16:22.000 She was banging a dude.

01:16:23.000 And a woman.

01:16:24.000 Yeah.

01:16:25.000 Thruples, baby.

01:16:26.000 She was banging a guy and a girl?

01:16:27.000 Yeah.

01:16:28.000 Really?

01:16:28.000 Well, the girl she openly admitted to, the guy she said was, there was false rumors about their work sexual relationship, that they never hooked up at work or some bullshit like that.

01:16:39.000 What's the problem?

01:16:40.000 That her husband, that's probably part of it, that she's married.

01:16:45.000 But that her husband, comma, problem one, that he's being emotionally abusive to her by, like, releasing all this information about her cheating.

01:16:55.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:16:56.000 He's being emotionally abusive.

01:16:57.000 Imagine if it was a wife doing that about a male.

01:17:00.000 Come on.

01:17:01.000 No one would say that.

01:17:03.000 You would never say that she's being emotionally abusive about her cheating husband.

01:17:08.000 Nope.

01:17:09.000 That's hilarious!

01:17:10.000 But this article that I read said he's being emotionally abusive about her past, about her, whatever, infidelity.

01:17:18.000 Yeah, her infidelity, right.

01:17:19.000 That's hilarious.

01:17:20.000 Well, because they got video.

01:17:21.000 You know, there's video of her.

01:17:22.000 Of her banging girls and guys?

01:17:23.000 Yeah, hooking up with these people and pictures and all this shit.

01:17:26.000 Oh, wow.

01:17:26.000 Some comic had a funny tweet this morning that was like...

01:17:30.000 I just, like, the idea of a thruple's kind of hot, but when you saw the picture of who she hooked up with, you're like, oh, bummer.

01:17:35.000 Well, sometimes.

01:17:37.000 Sometimes it's better just...

01:17:38.000 The imagination.

01:17:39.000 I found the picture Sam put update.

01:17:41.000 I know this is not a real picture of Beto.

01:17:43.000 Oh, he updated it.

01:17:44.000 He updated it.

01:17:45.000 I caught it before it was an update.

01:17:47.000 I just asked him for it, too.

01:17:48.000 Damn it.

01:17:48.000 He said, no, never mind.

01:17:50.000 Okay.

01:17:50.000 That's not what I was going to think.

01:17:51.000 I didn't think I was going to find that either.

01:17:52.000 That's not what I thought I said.

01:17:53.000 But imagine if it was real.

01:17:54.000 Put the picture up.

01:17:55.000 Yeah, I want to see it regardless.

01:17:57.000 Put the picture up so Tripoli...

01:17:59.000 There, look at that.

01:18:00.000 Look, look, look, look, look.

01:18:02.000 Foundest, atheist, vegan, naturist?

01:18:05.000 Is that a word?

01:18:06.000 Naturist?

01:18:07.000 Ecologist, queer, slut.

01:18:09.000 Hmm.

01:18:10.000 Okay.

01:18:11.000 That's someone's boy.

01:18:12.000 And that's not a real picture.

01:18:13.000 It's a picture of someone, but not Beto.

01:18:15.000 But it looks exactly like him.

01:18:18.000 It looks a lot like him.

01:18:19.000 I think Tripoli thought it was him.

01:18:20.000 He was hoping.

01:18:21.000 In the old days, you could just say it's him.

01:18:23.000 Yeah, what is it?

01:18:23.000 Show a picture.

01:18:24.000 I promise, man.

01:18:25.000 You promise?

01:18:26.000 I promise it's him.

01:18:27.000 He's a Mason, too.

01:18:28.000 What?

01:18:29.000 Man, when people are Masons, everybody freaks out.

01:18:31.000 I'm so ignorant I don't really know what that is, but I see it all the time.

01:18:34.000 It's an ancient group that you could belong to.

01:18:37.000 I know that, but it's still happening today.

01:18:40.000 I don't understand who becomes a Mason today.

01:18:43.000 Michael Chavello is a Mason, and I think Pat Miletic is a Mason as well.

01:18:48.000 Someone else?

01:18:50.000 Randall Carlson, I think you're right.

01:18:51.000 How do you go through it?

01:18:52.000 Is there like a fraternal fucking...

01:18:54.000 I don't know.

01:18:55.000 I think it's like...

01:18:55.000 Some guy explained it to me once in Houston.

01:18:58.000 Some dude.

01:19:00.000 And he seemed pretty honest.

01:19:01.000 He's like, ah, it's a fucking guys club.

01:19:03.000 You hang out.

01:19:04.000 Like the Rotary Club?

01:19:06.000 It's like some secret shit.

01:19:07.000 It's gone on forever and ever.

01:19:08.000 He goes, but it's nothing.

01:19:09.000 It's mostly just a place where guys hang out.

01:19:10.000 They say that.

01:19:12.000 What do you think they're really doing?

01:19:13.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:19:14.000 Planning some fucked up shit, though.

01:19:16.000 That's really where people plan stuff.

01:19:17.000 They go...

01:19:17.000 Don't worry about us, it's nothing.

01:19:19.000 Government takeover type shit?

01:19:20.000 Yeah.

01:19:21.000 Yeah.

01:19:22.000 Who did we talk to in the car that said that they were saying they think...

01:19:29.000 Oh, that Dave's talking about Snowden, saying that he's...

01:19:32.000 Oh, yeah, controlled opposition.

01:19:34.000 Controlled opposition, yeah.

01:19:35.000 That term bugs the shit out of me.

01:19:37.000 Yeah.

01:19:38.000 Because I've heard it so many times used about me.

01:19:40.000 Your controlled opposition.

01:19:41.000 Yeah, that's what I did.

01:19:43.000 My entire life, what I did was I got into martial arts.

01:19:47.000 I became a martial arts guy, taught martial arts, got into stand-up comedy.

01:19:51.000 But it was really just to become controlled opposition.

01:19:53.000 Yeah.

01:19:53.000 All of it.

01:19:54.000 This career...

01:19:55.000 You know, putting together a podcast, all that.

01:19:58.000 Talking shit, smoking weed with Elon Musk.

01:20:00.000 It's just controlled opposition.

01:20:01.000 It was just a long, slow play.

01:20:03.000 It's a big, long play.

01:20:04.000 A long play.

01:20:05.000 It's basically the Chinese government got a hold of me when I was a baby, and they groomed me.

01:20:09.000 Did they?

01:20:10.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:20:10.000 Wow, I didn't know.

01:20:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:20:15.000 See, the thing is, people on the outside, you know, have you ever had someone, like, come up with a theory about you, that you read it, you're like, what?

01:20:22.000 I'm gay, according to the internet.

01:20:24.000 That's my favorite one.

01:20:25.000 How'd you become gay?

01:20:26.000 Because I said on a post one time that I married Chris D'Elia, that we were, like, running away, and, like, a foreign publication got a hold of it, that, like, the English translation's hysterical.

01:20:35.000 What do you think the original language was?

01:20:39.000 I have no idea.

01:20:40.000 Foreign.

01:20:40.000 Just foreign, foreign.

01:20:42.000 But it just says I'm gay.

01:20:43.000 If you look it up, is Andrew Santino gay?

01:20:45.000 It says a lot of things say I'm gay.

01:20:47.000 Congratulations.

01:20:48.000 Yeah, I'm actually kind of stoked about it.

01:20:49.000 If you were gay, would you be a top or a bottom?

01:20:51.000 I'd be a power bottom.

01:20:52.000 What is a power bottom?

01:20:53.000 I push back.

01:20:54.000 You know what I mean?

01:20:55.000 Oh, okay.

01:20:55.000 We wear boots?

01:20:56.000 I thrust hard.

01:20:57.000 Yeah.

01:20:57.000 Grips and shit.

01:20:58.000 Gloves.

01:20:58.000 I wear fingerless gloves.

01:20:59.000 I slam back.

01:21:00.000 Right, right, right.

01:21:01.000 Like the kind that guys work out in the park?

01:21:03.000 You know those guys that wear those work gloves?

01:21:05.000 Yeah.

01:21:05.000 Yeah, there I am.

01:21:06.000 I'm gay.

01:21:06.000 Andrew Santito married with wife or gay man.

01:21:09.000 Bio hints what sexuality might be.

01:21:13.000 Live ramp up?

01:21:15.000 That's the name of the website.

01:21:16.000 Look at you and Delia.

01:21:17.000 Hilarious.

01:21:18.000 You look gay in that picture.

01:21:20.000 I know.

01:21:20.000 Oh my god.

01:21:21.000 You look like you're looking at a dick.

01:21:22.000 I'm so hungry for it.

01:21:24.000 Hungry, hungry, hungry.

01:21:27.000 Yeah, it says I'm gay, dude.

01:21:29.000 So I guess I am.

01:21:32.000 What are you going to do?

01:21:33.000 At least you're not controlled opposition.

01:21:34.000 I am, though.

01:21:35.000 You're both?

01:21:36.000 Mm-hmm.

01:21:37.000 Amazing.

01:21:38.000 I'm a government experiment.

01:21:41.000 Those gloves, those workout gloves, all those guys who work out in the park, who do those crazy calisthenics guys, they wear these work gloves.

01:21:49.000 They wear work gloves when they work out.

01:21:51.000 Yeah.

01:21:51.000 I've been fucking fascinated by these videos.

01:21:53.000 You ever pay attention to those workout in the park guys?

01:21:55.000 The street workout guys?

01:21:56.000 Yeah.

01:21:56.000 Oh, my God.

01:21:57.000 You've seen the prison workout guys.

01:21:59.000 The fucking shit that they can do.

01:22:00.000 Yeah, but I mean, these guys in the park is what I'm talking about.

01:22:03.000 Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying.

01:22:03.000 They do it outside now.

01:22:05.000 They take prison workouts and they teach them in the park.

01:22:07.000 There's a guy that does a YouTube thing that's like prison workouts in the park and shit.

01:22:11.000 Oh, I don't know.

01:22:11.000 There's a guy who has park workouts.

01:22:13.000 I didn't know it was prison workouts in the park.

01:22:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:22:15.000 And I don't know if this guy wears the gloves, but he uses whatever he can, right?

01:22:20.000 Well, these guys are just using, like, the monkey bars and, like, parallel bars and chin-up bars and stuff that you find.

01:22:25.000 You know how those workout areas in parks?

01:22:28.000 Yeah.

01:22:29.000 These guys, man, the fucking build on these dudes.

01:22:32.000 Yeah, they're jacked.

01:22:34.000 And the fucking feats of strength that they do, where they'll do a chin-up, keep their legs extended.

01:22:42.000 Yeah.

01:22:42.000 What is the name of this YouTube channel?

01:22:46.000 Bar stars.

01:22:47.000 Yes.

01:22:47.000 This is an older video, too.

01:22:49.000 Right.

01:22:49.000 2011. There's a bunch of these.

01:22:51.000 Believe it or not, this guy does not have an impressive physique in comparison to a lot of these fucking guys.

01:22:56.000 No, truthfully, some of these guys are, it's un-fucking-real.

01:22:59.000 Yeah, but it's an amazing way to exercise when you realize, like, this shit.

01:23:03.000 Look at this shit.

01:23:05.000 Look at this shit.

01:23:05.000 This guy's doing dips, but he's doing dips with his legs almost parallel to the floor behind him.

01:23:11.000 That requires freakish control of your body.

01:23:15.000 There's so many of these guys too.

01:23:18.000 It's an incredible way to work out.

01:23:20.000 You really realize, man, you don't need a gym.

01:23:23.000 To get a body like that, like, who wouldn't be happy with a body like that?

01:23:27.000 Who'd be like, man, I gotta lift some weights?

01:23:29.000 That's about as good a body as you can get.

01:23:31.000 And these fucking guys are all doing it at the gym.

01:23:34.000 I mean, at these, you know, these gym setups in the park.

01:23:38.000 You can get a fucking amazing workout.

01:23:40.000 It's just a lot of push-up setups and pull-ups, right?

01:23:43.000 That's the majority of it.

01:23:44.000 Yeah, this guy looks good.

01:23:46.000 I mean, you see some guy, there was one guy that did it who was, well, I'm 52. You see one guy who did it who was 63. Jamie.

01:23:54.000 But he's in good shape.

01:23:56.000 He's in good shape.

01:23:57.000 But one guy who did it was 63, but there was a guy that I was looking at the other day that was 35 years old, and he looked like a fucking comic book superhero.

01:24:06.000 And the dude was talking to him.

01:24:07.000 So you see they're all having those gloves.

01:24:11.000 But they were talking to this dude, and they were like, this is all you do?

01:24:16.000 You don't lift anyways?

01:24:17.000 He's like, I don't touch weights, man.

01:24:19.000 All I do.

01:24:20.000 All I do.

01:24:21.000 Like this fucking guy.

01:24:22.000 Look at the fucking build on this guy.

01:24:25.000 Look at his muscle-ups.

01:24:26.000 And Jamie's been trying to do a muscle-up for four years now.

01:24:31.000 This guy's just throwing six, seven muscle-ups, eight.

01:24:35.000 Freakish.

01:24:36.000 This is a great transition from is Andrew gay to then me and you watching men do pull-ups.

01:24:40.000 This is going to be great for the internet.

01:24:41.000 But the build that these guys create just from doing muscle-ups.

01:24:48.000 Can you do one?

01:24:50.000 Can you do a muscle-up now, Jeremy?

01:24:51.000 This guy's at 12. He did 12 fucking muscle-ups.

01:24:55.000 That's insane, man.

01:24:57.000 He's dying at 12. Oh my god, that's it.

01:25:00.000 But they all wear those work gloves.

01:25:02.000 Like, look at the fucking shredded these guys are.

01:25:06.000 It's an amazing way to work out, man, because it's all body weights.

01:25:09.000 You know, it's all chin-ups and dips and push-ups, and they figure out a way to do them in all sorts of different ways, right?

01:25:16.000 They figure out a way to do these chin-ups and dips and different angles so you're hitting the bottom of your chest, the top of your chest.

01:25:22.000 I think there's a lot of genetics involved there, too.

01:25:24.000 Well, there's a lot of hard work, man.

01:25:26.000 I don't care what kind of genetics you have.

01:25:28.000 To do what that guy just did, you need to fucking work hard for a long time.

01:25:31.000 Totally.

01:25:31.000 But also, like, those guys are fucking...

01:25:33.000 That's supreme athlete shit, too.

01:25:35.000 At some point, they're blessed with, like, athletic skill to be able to get to that point.

01:25:39.000 You know what I mean?

01:25:40.000 Some people can work out a lot and still never be able to do a fucking muscle up.

01:25:43.000 You're pointing to Jamie like that?

01:25:45.000 Yeah.

01:25:45.000 Excuse me.

01:25:46.000 I just had an injury I've been recovering from.

01:25:48.000 Yes.

01:25:49.000 What is it?

01:25:49.000 He fell while he was using one of our hoverboards.

01:25:52.000 Yeah.

01:25:52.000 I told him not to fuck with those.

01:25:54.000 Dude, he did.

01:25:54.000 He fucked his back up hard.

01:25:56.000 Wait, the one wheel thing?

01:25:57.000 No, the other one.

01:25:57.000 The two wheel ones.

01:25:58.000 I don't like those fucking things.

01:26:00.000 Those are great.

01:26:00.000 You ate shit?

01:26:01.000 Oh, did he eat shit.

01:26:03.000 Feet up.

01:26:05.000 Feet up.

01:26:05.000 Broke a camera.

01:26:06.000 Back first.

01:26:07.000 Boom.

01:26:08.000 Oh shit, really?

01:26:09.000 I had my camera in my hand.

01:26:10.000 I was getting real confident and thought I could start filming while I was going around on it.

01:26:13.000 Cocky boy.

01:26:13.000 And I stopped to just look at the lens.

01:26:15.000 Next thing I know, I was like on the ground, cameras broke.

01:26:17.000 They got me on that one wheel thing.

01:26:19.000 He's been hurt for like over a year.

01:26:21.000 What did you hurt the most?

01:26:23.000 His dick hole?

01:26:24.000 It literally, I don't know what it went through, but it fucked up my posture because it started in my back.

01:26:30.000 I couldn't sit right for a while.

01:26:31.000 Then it just started problems down in my left leg and hip and Oh, shit.

01:26:34.000 Yeah, not good.

01:26:35.000 Yeah, if you can't sit right, man, you can get a bulging disc easy.

01:26:38.000 You know how people get bulging discs?

01:26:39.000 Guys with big wallets.

01:26:40.000 You have like a wallet, you keep too many business cards.

01:26:42.000 Is that real?

01:26:43.000 Fuck yeah, it's real.

01:26:44.000 Oh, that's funny.

01:26:45.000 Guys, you're sitting on your wallet and all your weight's on one ass cheek and your disc gets compressed on one side.

01:26:50.000 And you're hunched at a computer all day.

01:26:51.000 And after a while, it bulges.

01:26:53.000 You know who doesn't have a wallet?

01:26:54.000 Who?

01:26:54.000 Me.

01:26:55.000 Me.

01:26:55.000 How about Jamie?

01:26:56.000 Jamie doesn't have a wallet either.

01:26:57.000 Jamie doesn't either.

01:26:58.000 I put all my shit in my front pocket.

01:27:00.000 That's from when I was a kid.

01:27:01.000 What do you do with your credit cards?

01:27:03.000 My front pocket?

01:27:03.000 You don't have a clip or anything?

01:27:05.000 Nope.

01:27:05.000 Bro, you ever see a Ridge wallet?

01:27:07.000 You know what those are?

01:27:07.000 Yeah, I know.

01:27:07.000 Get one of those.

01:27:08.000 Yeah, I used to push them on my show.

01:27:10.000 I don't like wallets.

01:27:12.000 I don't love wallets.

01:27:13.000 What do you like?

01:27:13.000 I just liked having cash and cards.

01:27:15.000 Oh, you have a case on your phone now.

01:27:17.000 I do now.

01:27:18.000 I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.

01:27:19.000 I used to never have a case.

01:27:21.000 You know why?

01:27:21.000 It broke.

01:27:22.000 No.

01:27:23.000 It's made out of glass?

01:27:24.000 No.

01:27:24.000 You're not stupid anymore?

01:27:25.000 No, I'm still fucking stupid.

01:27:27.000 I put a case on it because the AppleCare is gone on this thing now.

01:27:31.000 Oh, someone's scared.

01:27:33.000 No, it's just because the phone is done.

01:27:36.000 It's like I paid the phone off and then there's no AppleCare anymore left.

01:27:39.000 I've been scared.

01:27:40.000 No, I just...

01:27:40.000 I don't want to have to deal with it now.

01:27:43.000 Oh, you were dealing with it before.

01:27:45.000 No, I just...

01:27:46.000 If I did break it, I would just go get a new one.

01:27:47.000 So you're one of those guys when you have car insurance, you drive like an asshole?

01:27:50.000 Yeah.

01:27:53.000 Yeah, dude.

01:27:54.000 Do you get rental insurance?

01:27:55.000 Do you get rental insurance or no?

01:27:57.000 No, because my insurance has it covered already.

01:27:59.000 Yeah, but they try to get it for you, right?

01:28:00.000 Yeah, but I always...

01:28:01.000 Would you like coverage?

01:28:02.000 I treat those things like shit.

01:28:02.000 Collision coverage?

01:28:03.000 I'm crashing it.

01:28:04.000 Yeah, you...

01:28:05.000 I mean, I have a fun car.

01:28:07.000 I'm going to drive it fun.

01:28:08.000 I want to drive it fun.

01:28:10.000 You do.

01:28:10.000 You know.

01:28:11.000 You know.

01:28:12.000 I'm not that guy.

01:28:13.000 What guy?

01:28:14.000 I'm not the guy that pulls up.

01:28:15.000 Don't point at me.

01:28:15.000 I didn't probably point it up at the sky.

01:28:17.000 You're pointing at me.

01:28:18.000 I'm not that guy.

01:28:19.000 Who's he pointing at?

01:28:21.000 It's all a finger going straight across from yourself.

01:28:23.000 Oh, fuck you, Jamie.

01:28:24.000 Fuck you.

01:28:25.000 Jamie, don't fall off a fucking hoverboard again.

01:28:28.000 Thank you.

01:28:28.000 Fall on the other side and balance yourself out.

01:28:30.000 He's got a scooter with handles now, think.

01:28:31.000 He does.

01:28:32.000 He's got a power scooter.

01:28:33.000 Wait, what?

01:28:34.000 It goes fast.

01:28:35.000 Yeah.

01:28:35.000 What do you mean a power scooter?

01:28:36.000 Like a fucking...

01:28:36.000 Like a bird scooter, but like way faster.

01:28:39.000 It goes like 25 miles an hour, like a Usain Bolt sprint.

01:28:42.000 Is that a custom made?

01:28:43.000 Did you get that?

01:28:43.000 You can't buy that.

01:28:44.000 You just buy it?

01:28:44.000 Buy it from China.

01:28:45.000 They're trying to kill white people.

01:28:47.000 Hell yeah, they are.

01:28:47.000 I think it's made in America, actually.

01:28:48.000 Fuck yeah, China.

01:28:49.000 No, it's not.

01:28:49.000 The pieces are probably compiled.

01:28:51.000 Assembled in China.

01:28:53.000 They got me on the one wheel out there.

01:28:55.000 I learned it real fast.

01:28:56.000 How many of those MAGA hats were made in China?

01:28:58.000 Every single one.

01:28:59.000 Probably.

01:29:00.000 I think they are.

01:29:00.000 Every single one.

01:29:01.000 Every fucking one.

01:29:03.000 I love them.

01:29:04.000 That's hilarious.

01:29:06.000 MAGA hats being made in China is fucking funny.

01:29:07.000 You know fashion-wise, when he's gone and all this shit's over within a decade or so, those hats are going to be so fucking popular.

01:29:13.000 Oh, yeah.

01:29:14.000 And be worth so much money.

01:29:15.000 Oh, my God.

01:29:15.000 It's like Dick Nixon.

01:29:18.000 Like Richard Nixon t-shirts.

01:29:19.000 Oh, yeah.

01:29:19.000 That's right.

01:29:20.000 That's right.

01:29:20.000 They're very valuable.

01:29:21.000 Tricky dick.

01:29:21.000 You could wear a Nixon t-shirt right now.

01:29:23.000 Nixon for president.

01:29:24.000 100%.

01:29:25.000 Nobody would say shit.

01:29:26.000 Nobody would beat your ass.

01:29:26.000 No.

01:29:27.000 Why?

01:29:27.000 No.

01:29:27.000 People will beat your ass if you have a red hat with other white letters on it.

01:29:31.000 Yeah, just cause.

01:29:32.000 Like, there's a girl who got maced in the face and she had a hat that said, Make Bitcoin Great Again.

01:29:37.000 Someone didn't read it.

01:29:37.000 They just were like...

01:29:38.000 You didn't bother reading it.

01:29:39.000 Fuck you with your red hat with white letters.

01:29:40.000 They maced her right in the face.

01:29:41.000 A video of it.

01:29:42.000 No, I'm ignorant.

01:29:43.000 But has this happened for any other president where this kind of thing...

01:29:46.000 Like, did someone wear shirts for another president and that was kind of the thing?

01:29:49.000 No, no, no, no.

01:29:50.000 This is number one.

01:29:51.000 Fucking crazy.

01:29:51.000 Not only that, dude.

01:29:52.000 How about what it says?

01:29:53.000 Make America great again.

01:29:56.000 Who was like, fuck you!

01:29:58.000 We don't want it to be great!

01:30:01.000 Fuck you!

01:30:02.000 It's just the representation, the context.

01:30:03.000 They just associate Trump, so they're like, that's it.

01:30:05.000 It's also, again.

01:30:06.000 Like, make it great again.

01:30:08.000 Like, when was it great?

01:30:09.000 When slavery was legal?

01:30:10.000 When was it great?

01:30:11.000 When civil rights wars were going on?

01:30:13.000 When was it great?

01:30:14.000 Yeah, the phrase is inherently fucking wrong.

01:30:15.000 When things are segregated?

01:30:16.000 When was it great?

01:30:17.000 Name the great time.

01:30:17.000 When was it great?

01:30:18.000 When we first came here and we stole it from people?

01:30:19.000 I'll tell you when it's great.

01:30:20.000 Right now, bitch.

01:30:21.000 It's as good as it's ever been.

01:30:23.000 It's not going to get better than this.

01:30:23.000 If you pay attention to real trends, forget about how you feel.

01:30:28.000 Forget about your own personal experience.

01:30:30.000 If you just look at objective trends in terms of violence, crime, all the statistics that we're all really terrified about, there's never been a better time.

01:30:40.000 No.

01:30:40.000 There's never been a better time for humanity.

01:30:42.000 But it's always going to be...

01:30:44.000 The United States, it's a pretty goddamn good time.

01:30:46.000 It's good.

01:30:46.000 We always were our best critic, you know?

01:30:48.000 Of course.

01:30:48.000 Well, fucking Trump just went after Chicago again.

01:30:50.000 He just was making fun of my city because of the crime rate, saying how we can't get it under control.

01:30:54.000 I was talking about the cops.

01:30:56.000 Yeah.

01:30:56.000 Chicago cops.

01:30:57.000 Yeah, saying that we can't get crime under control in Chicago.

01:31:00.000 Well, he's probably making fun of the mayor, you know, in some way.

01:31:04.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:04.000 He's blaming it on the mayor.

01:31:05.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:06.000 That's what it is.

01:31:06.000 It's your favorite mayor.

01:31:07.000 Yeah, I love her.

01:31:09.000 Well, it's just easy to make fun of.

01:31:11.000 I know, I know.

01:31:12.000 She seems like a nice lady, though.

01:31:14.000 We just get shots.

01:31:15.000 Chicago gets shots taken at it all the time because it's like, they're like, it's fucking, it's all violence.

01:31:20.000 It's like, it's not all fucking violence.

01:31:22.000 Well, that's what's even more fucked about it.

01:31:24.000 It's a very specific area that has had extreme violence for a long time.

01:31:28.000 Yeah, south side and the west side.

01:31:29.000 Yeah, it's dark, man.

01:31:31.000 It's fucking so much...

01:31:32.000 Meanwhile...

01:31:32.000 It's scary when you have a place where it's isolated, where there's just so much violence there, and then outside of it, it's really nice.

01:31:40.000 Like, what?

01:31:41.000 What?

01:31:42.000 But some of the nice areas we're getting, even, like, kids would do these things, they'd do these mob attacks, where they'd go to, like, a really nice area, like Michigan Avenue, where all the tourists are and shit.

01:31:50.000 And they would just, like, rob someone, but they'd be, like, 15 people on one, you know?

01:31:53.000 So they knew that, A, they were gonna get away with it, and B, how could you stop?

01:31:56.000 It's kind of so much chaos.

01:31:57.000 It's, like, organized chaos.

01:31:59.000 And they would run into a store and steal shit and just leave.

01:32:02.000 Because they figure, you're not gonna get all of us.

01:32:04.000 Right.

01:32:05.000 It's, like, maybe one person gets caught.

01:32:07.000 But robbed from the rich, you know?

01:32:08.000 I saw a video of...

01:32:10.000 I don't know how many times I've done it right now, but it's happened three times in California, twice here or somewhere else.

01:32:18.000 Probably 200 people get on those scooters and just take over a street and then just go wherever they can go.

01:32:23.000 Oh, shit.

01:32:24.000 And the cops are trying to stop them, but there's so many people they can't stop and the helicopters are on them.

01:32:28.000 Do they organize online?

01:32:29.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:32:30.000 Like Facebook meetups or something like that.

01:32:31.000 Wow.

01:32:32.000 What are those things called?

01:32:33.000 They're having fun.

01:32:33.000 What are those things called when people have flash mobs?

01:32:36.000 Flash mobs.

01:32:36.000 They have a flash mob for scooters?

01:32:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:32:38.000 I mean, I haven't seen anything dangerous happening, but I mean, I'm sure it's...

01:32:41.000 Speaking of dangerous, what do you think about what Trump did when they killed the head of ISIS and he said he died crying and whimpering?

01:32:50.000 And then he watched the whole thing on video.

01:32:51.000 I'm like, Jesus.

01:32:53.000 He's like a deranged comedy writer.

01:32:57.000 Sometimes I think he's trying to be funny or clever, and it's like an autistic kid.

01:33:03.000 His tick is wrong.

01:33:04.000 But that just does not seem very presidential.

01:33:07.000 No, his tick is off.

01:33:08.000 I think he thinks it's normal or fun or interesting or dynamic, and people are like...

01:33:13.000 He has no one person next to him going...

01:33:15.000 Dewey, is that the version that you want to say?

01:33:19.000 We talked about that on the plane.

01:33:20.000 It's like the theory of how do you tell someone they're wrong when things have told them that they're right?

01:33:26.000 How do you tell the guy that's like, I won against all odds to become the president when someone's like, you shouldn't tweet that.

01:33:31.000 He's like, really?

01:33:32.000 Look at all the fucking other stuff.

01:33:33.000 You know what I mean?

01:33:34.000 It's hard to convince this guy that he's wrong when he feels right.

01:33:36.000 Well, if anybody tells him not to do things, he fires them.

01:33:39.000 Yeah, they're gone.

01:33:39.000 Yeah.

01:33:40.000 So it's just kind of like he has a bunch of yes men anyway.

01:33:42.000 Well, he's treating the presidency the same way he treats running Trump Tower.

01:33:47.000 Yeah.

01:33:48.000 It's basically the same thing.

01:33:49.000 You're fired.

01:33:49.000 Everybody tells him what to do, get the fuck out of here.

01:33:51.000 You're fired.

01:33:51.000 Yeah.

01:33:52.000 And he's just doing it on a large scale.

01:33:53.000 But do we expect differently?

01:33:55.000 That's what's weird.

01:33:56.000 Like, what would you expect different out of a guy who's 70, what is he, 74?

01:33:59.000 I don't even know.

01:34:00.000 How old is he?

01:34:02.000 Mid-70s, yeah.

01:34:02.000 Dude, that's so old, too.

01:34:04.000 To be running a giant fucking thing like the presidency.

01:34:07.000 Loves McDonald's, baby.

01:34:09.000 Loves McDonald's.

01:34:10.000 I know he loves Kentucky Fried Chicken.

01:34:12.000 What's up?

01:34:14.000 What?

01:34:14.000 What does it say?

01:34:15.000 Oh no, it's 73. 73?

01:34:17.000 Did you see the photo that they put out yesterday?

01:34:19.000 Oh yeah.

01:34:20.000 A lot of people were saying this is a staged photo.

01:34:22.000 Yeah, it looks photoshopped.

01:34:23.000 It looks fake as fuck.

01:34:24.000 Yeah, all the things aren't plugged in to the Cat5 wires.

01:34:27.000 They just kind of laid them around.

01:34:29.000 Yeah.

01:34:29.000 All the guys are kind of looking in different directions.

01:34:32.000 Who fucking let that...

01:34:33.000 What kind of IT guy let that thing be so goddamn sloppy?

01:34:37.000 What is this supposed to be a photo of?

01:34:39.000 Them watching that happen, because they're trying to compare it to the one that happened, the Obama one, when they killed Bin Laden and everyone stood around the war room.

01:34:47.000 How weird is it they all watch?

01:34:48.000 That's funny.

01:34:49.000 There's a bunch of photos.

01:34:49.000 Go down, there's a bunch of photoshopped ones that are coming out now.

01:34:52.000 Yeah, no, they're making jokes of it now.

01:34:54.000 There's Hulk Hogan.

01:34:57.000 Look at Hulk Hogan.

01:35:01.000 Sarah Palin's in there.

01:35:02.000 Bruce Willis is in the back.

01:35:04.000 We saw a video this weekend of Hulk Hogan checking down some guy at a restaurant.

01:35:07.000 He was on crutches, and some guy must have said something fucking stupid to him.

01:35:10.000 And he walked up to him, and he was giving him the whole, like, I'm a personality, but I'll still bust your...

01:35:16.000 That's what I like about guys like that, that are like, yeah, no, I'm famous, and like...

01:35:19.000 You know, you can be like cute and hello and say, but like talk shit and I'll still fuck you up.

01:35:23.000 Like Hulk Hogan will fuck you up.

01:35:25.000 He's a big fella.

01:35:26.000 He's a bad bitch.

01:35:27.000 We were saying that he lost like three plus inches of height because of all of his back operations.

01:35:33.000 Yeah.

01:35:33.000 Because they removed all of his discs and fused them all together.

01:35:36.000 So all the cushion in between his discs are all gone.

01:35:40.000 It's fucking nuts.

01:35:40.000 All the spinal columns are all smooshed together and bolted down in so many different places.

01:35:45.000 And that's all from?

01:35:46.000 From pro wrestling, man.

01:35:48.000 Yeah.

01:35:48.000 So hard on your body.

01:35:49.000 It does take such a toll on their fucking body, as much as I think it's still goofball bullshit.

01:35:53.000 Oh my god, it's so hard physically.

01:35:55.000 So hard physically.

01:35:55.000 Well, that's why Dallas Page created DDP Yoga.

01:35:59.000 I know.

01:35:59.000 I mean, he really created that just to strengthen his spine and rehabilitate himself from all the injuries that he incurred during pro wrestling.

01:36:06.000 He's the shit.

01:36:06.000 He's a good dude.

01:36:07.000 He's a great dude.

01:36:08.000 And that fucking workout is hard as shit.

01:36:11.000 Yeah, you see like in-shape dudes trying it online and they're struggling.

01:36:14.000 It's hard.

01:36:14.000 It's fucking hard, man.

01:36:16.000 Look, yoga's hard.

01:36:17.000 And his yoga's particularly intense because he adds a lot of dynamic tension to it.

01:36:21.000 Right.

01:36:22.000 And, you know, that guy's, I mean, he's in his 60s and he came here and he was doing some yoga poses like grabbing a hold of his ankle and lifting it up over his head.

01:36:31.000 He's in fucking tremendous shape.

01:36:32.000 I've never done yoga once.

01:36:34.000 It's great.

01:36:34.000 I know.

01:36:35.000 People say it's good.

01:36:36.000 I don't know.

01:36:36.000 Come with me, bitch.

01:36:37.000 I don't want to do hot.

01:36:39.000 I don't want to do hot.

01:36:39.000 Oh, I'm scared to do hot.

01:36:40.000 No, I'm not scared.

01:36:41.000 I'm going to sweat.

01:36:43.000 I'm sure I run five miles, but I'm scared to do yoga.

01:36:45.000 Fucking dick.

01:36:46.000 I'm so scared.

01:36:47.000 Why don't you do it hot?

01:36:48.000 It's the best way to do it.

01:36:49.000 Sh, Jamie!

01:36:50.000 It's the best way because you stretch out better.

01:36:52.000 You're just ganging up on me right now.

01:36:54.000 Plus, it's good for your body because it develops heat shock proteins that mimic what's like being in an sauna.

01:36:59.000 Is regular yoga fine?

01:37:00.000 Yeah, it's good.

01:37:01.000 Okay, we'll do that then.

01:37:02.000 Why don't you do hot yoga?

01:37:03.000 Why don't we do regular yoga?

01:37:05.000 Why don't you do hot yoga?

01:37:06.000 Because I don't want to be the guy in hot yoga.

01:37:08.000 Ari did 15 of them in a month.

01:37:10.000 He doesn't even work out.

01:37:10.000 He takes acid every day.

01:37:11.000 Ari's a dosist.

01:37:11.000 You're going to trust a guy that doses people?

01:37:13.000 Yeah, trust him well.

01:37:14.000 He wouldn't dose me.

01:37:14.000 He's my friend.

01:37:15.000 It's okay.

01:37:16.000 So I'm going to say that to Bert.

01:37:17.000 He does Bert because he's a fucking diabolical person.

01:37:21.000 He does Bert because he felt he'd get away with it.

01:37:24.000 Okay, I'll do hot yoga.

01:37:25.000 It was a lapse in judgment that he has sent to apologize for.

01:37:28.000 No, I know.

01:37:29.000 I love him.

01:37:29.000 I'm kidding.

01:37:30.000 How about this?

01:37:30.000 I'll do hot yoga if you come play basketball with me and Jamie.

01:37:33.000 I would do that, but basketball's hard on the joints, man.

01:37:36.000 All that side-to-side motion.

01:37:37.000 Come on.

01:37:38.000 Come on, baby.

01:37:39.000 Street basketball?

01:37:39.000 What are we going to do?

01:37:41.000 How would we play basketball with him?

01:37:42.000 Because that'd be tough.

01:37:43.000 21 or something?

01:37:44.000 We'll do 21, yeah.

01:37:45.000 Smoke him.

01:37:46.000 I don't know how to play basketball.

01:37:48.000 I'm terrible.

01:37:48.000 I know, but that's fun.

01:37:49.000 I don't know how to do yoga.

01:37:50.000 I'll look like a clown doing that.

01:37:51.000 Yoga's not a competition.

01:37:53.000 It won't really be that competitive.

01:37:55.000 How well do you play?

01:37:56.000 Do you play good?

01:37:57.000 Well, yeah.

01:37:58.000 It'll be fun.

01:37:59.000 Fun for you.

01:38:00.000 Yeah.

01:38:01.000 This is the same yoga shit.

01:38:02.000 I don't know.

01:38:03.000 I'm going to eat shit.

01:38:04.000 How about we do jiu-jitsu first?

01:38:05.000 Okay.

01:38:06.000 And then we'll see if you can play yoga.

01:38:07.000 Okay, that's fine.

01:38:08.000 Okay.

01:38:08.000 Yeah.

01:38:09.000 That's fine.

01:38:11.000 I'll put you in a heel hook.

01:38:12.000 See if you can move around good.

01:38:13.000 That's fucking fine.

01:38:14.000 Let's do yoga then.

01:38:15.000 Okay.

01:38:19.000 I'll do the hot yoga.

01:38:20.000 I can play 21. I mean, I won't win.

01:38:23.000 You know what the problem is with yoga for me, for real?

01:38:25.000 Jamie can fucking sink some three-pointers.

01:38:27.000 I don't even know if you know how good Jamie is.

01:38:30.000 There's a video of Jamie doing jump shots, just swish, catches the ball, swish.

01:38:35.000 Dude, dude, dude.

01:38:36.000 I know.

01:38:37.000 No, really.

01:38:38.000 I bet Jamie smokes you.

01:38:39.000 Fifth in the city.

01:38:40.000 I got all my money on young Jamie.

01:38:42.000 Okay, good.

01:38:43.000 How much?

01:38:44.000 How much?

01:38:45.000 You tell me.

01:38:45.000 Here we go.

01:38:46.000 Here we go, baby.

01:38:47.000 How much?

01:38:47.000 Put up that coin.

01:38:48.000 How about $1,000?

01:38:49.000 Okay.

01:38:50.000 Okay.

01:38:51.000 Okay, what's the game?

01:38:52.000 What are we doing?

01:38:52.000 We're playing...

01:38:53.000 Not one-on-one.

01:38:53.000 We're playing...

01:38:54.000 We're doing...

01:38:54.000 Okay, let's play...

01:38:55.000 You guys can play horse.

01:38:57.000 Okay.

01:38:57.000 I got $1,000 on him.

01:38:59.000 I can't wait to film it.

01:39:02.000 Jamie, you in?

01:39:03.000 No, of course...

01:39:04.000 Yeah, definitely.

01:39:04.000 Yeah, he's in.

01:39:05.000 Oh, you're getting smoked, dude.

01:39:06.000 Okay.

01:39:07.000 Then we'll do Home Run Derby.

01:39:08.000 And I'm going to spend that $1,000.

01:39:09.000 I'll take us all out to dinner.

01:39:10.000 Okay.

01:39:11.000 Whatever's left, I'll give to the waiter.

01:39:12.000 Okay.

01:39:13.000 Okay, good.

01:39:14.000 We're in.

01:39:14.000 I'm in.

01:39:15.000 Alright.

01:39:15.000 I can't wait.

01:39:16.000 Well, should we film it?

01:39:17.000 Yeah, we should.

01:39:18.000 Where do we do it, though?

01:39:19.000 I don't know.

01:39:19.000 Staples Center?

01:39:20.000 We should make a basketball court next door.

01:39:22.000 We could do it.

01:39:23.000 We might have a little bit of space in here.

01:39:26.000 There's a couple of feet, right?

01:39:28.000 There's plenty of room, man.

01:39:29.000 There's like two or three feet.

01:39:30.000 I do want to do a pool show.

01:39:31.000 I've been talking about this.

01:39:33.000 Jamie and I have been talking about this for how many years now?

01:39:35.000 All of them that I've been around.

01:39:37.000 It's about seven now.

01:39:38.000 We filmed a few times.

01:39:39.000 Like, one time we filmed Fitzsimmons and I playing pool.

01:39:41.000 It was fun.

01:39:42.000 He's good at pool, right?

01:39:43.000 Yeah, Fitzsimmons can play.

01:39:45.000 Who's the best that you've played?

01:39:46.000 Artie Lang.

01:39:47.000 Artie Lang can play.

01:39:48.000 Yeah, he can?

01:39:49.000 Yeah, he can play.

01:39:49.000 He can play play.

01:39:50.000 Yeah, he can...

01:39:51.000 He doesn't have, like...

01:39:55.000 Some guys are good at pocketing balls.

01:39:59.000 Some guys are good at moving the ball around.

01:40:02.000 I don't know any comedians that are really good at moving the ball around.

01:40:07.000 Positioning?

01:40:08.000 You have to have a stroke.

01:40:09.000 Meaning, can you draw the ball full table length?

01:40:12.000 I know no comedians other than myself that can do that.

01:40:14.000 No comedians other than myself that have actually played in real tournaments.

01:40:19.000 I don't play that good now, but when I was playing a lot, I was like a B player.

01:40:25.000 A B-level player.

01:40:26.000 A legit B-level player.

01:40:28.000 I've run four racks in a row of nine malls.

01:40:30.000 Broken ran four racks in a row.

01:40:31.000 I've run 70-plus balls playing straight pool.

01:40:34.000 That's not world-class, not professional-level, but I'm a legit, what they would call a shortstop player.

01:40:40.000 Yeah.

01:40:41.000 And what, Artie's around that same level?

01:40:42.000 No.

01:40:43.000 No, he's a little lower than me.

01:40:44.000 Lower than you.

01:40:45.000 Yeah, but he'd play.

01:40:46.000 Dom Herrera can play a little bit.

01:40:48.000 Adam Ferrara can play.

01:40:50.000 Really?

01:40:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:40:51.000 He plays pretty good.

01:40:52.000 Yeah.

01:40:53.000 Why don't you do a pool show?

01:40:54.000 I should do a pool show.

01:40:55.000 Yeah, why not?

01:40:57.000 Here's the thing.

01:40:58.000 How do you make it entertaining?

01:41:00.000 I mean, it just naturally will be.

01:41:02.000 Maybe.

01:41:03.000 You just talking shit, playing pool, having fun?

01:41:05.000 Yeah, maybe.

01:41:06.000 We'd have to give people wired mics, and it would have to...

01:41:10.000 Yeah, I mean, it could be fun.

01:41:11.000 It could be fun.

01:41:12.000 It could be fun.

01:41:13.000 But I mean, how many people can play?

01:41:15.000 How many people can legit...

01:41:16.000 I would have to bring...

01:41:17.000 Here's one thing that I could do that would be fun.

01:41:19.000 Bring in pros and just get stomped.

01:41:22.000 That would be fun as shit.

01:41:23.000 To watch them do tricks on us to shit on you.

01:41:25.000 And bring girl pros in and have them stomp me.

01:41:29.000 What's that Asian woman?

01:41:30.000 What's her name?

01:41:30.000 The Black Widow?

01:41:31.000 Oh, Jeanette Lee.

01:41:31.000 She's fucking awesome.

01:41:33.000 She's very good.

01:41:33.000 But she's not the best.

01:41:35.000 No, she's not?

01:41:36.000 No, she's really good, but she's had some severe, also severe back problems.

01:41:40.000 She had scoliosis, a bunch of back surgeries.

01:41:42.000 But she's, you know, she's way better than me.

01:41:44.000 Yeah.

01:41:44.000 She's like, she's legit.

01:41:46.000 Could a pro be able to teach a comedian well enough to compete against you?

01:41:51.000 No.

01:41:51.000 In a short period of time?

01:41:52.000 It takes a long time.

01:41:53.000 I know, I know.

01:41:53.000 It's like golf.

01:41:54.000 It's like golf.

01:41:56.000 It takes years.

01:41:57.000 It would take years.

01:41:59.000 I could not play for a year.

01:42:03.000 You could take a person that doesn't know how to play, and they could play every day for a year, and I'll still crush them.

01:42:09.000 Why don't you want to play golf?

01:42:11.000 Because I'm scared.

01:42:12.000 It's such a specific, wonderful...

01:42:13.000 You would love golf.

01:42:14.000 I know!

01:42:15.000 That's why I don't want to play it.

01:42:16.000 Yeah, you should.

01:42:16.000 Dude, I have a real problem with games.

01:42:18.000 I can't.

01:42:19.000 Oh, he would fucking love golf.

01:42:21.000 I feel like it'd be two rounds before every show.

01:42:23.000 You guys go anywhere.

01:42:24.000 I'd be like running out of time.

01:42:25.000 And I would use some rounds.

01:42:26.000 I just love that.

01:42:28.000 Yeah.

01:42:29.000 Well, Ron White is the fucking king.

01:42:31.000 He loves it.

01:42:32.000 Look at his Instagram.

01:42:33.000 It's always pictures of him.

01:42:34.000 I know.

01:42:34.000 You know, two shows tonight.

01:42:36.000 Right now I'm playing golf.

01:42:37.000 Dude, it's right up your alley.

01:42:38.000 The specifics, the technique.

01:42:40.000 I'm sure.

01:42:41.000 It's like exactly what you like.

01:42:42.000 I'm not interested.

01:42:45.000 It's one more thing on your plate.

01:42:46.000 That's all it is.

01:42:47.000 Too many things, and it also takes a lot of time.

01:42:49.000 Golf takes time.

01:42:50.000 You want to play 18 holes?

01:42:51.000 That shit takes hours.

01:42:52.000 No, you would just start with nine is what you would do, though.

01:42:55.000 Okay, how many hours does that take?

01:42:56.000 Two.

01:42:56.000 You can do it in under two.

01:42:57.000 If you walk and it takes long, you get in that cart, you can play speed golf.

01:43:01.000 Dude, you can knock out nine holes in an hour and 25 minutes.

01:43:03.000 Really?

01:43:04.000 Yes, absolutely.

01:43:05.000 Especially if you don't suck, too.

01:43:06.000 I suck.

01:43:07.000 That's a problem.

01:43:08.000 I don't want to learn.

01:43:10.000 I'm scared.

01:43:11.000 Dude, I'm obsessed right now with handguns.

01:43:13.000 Okay?

01:43:13.000 I'm obsessed right now, doing tactical ranges.

01:43:16.000 I'm obsessed.

01:43:16.000 Yeah, I saw that.

01:43:17.000 Yeah, but I gotta back off it a little bit.

01:43:18.000 Because I wanted to go every day.

01:43:20.000 Yeah, but why is that bad?

01:43:22.000 Because it's fucking crazy!

01:43:23.000 I'm crazy!

01:43:25.000 I can't throw gas on the fucking dry twigs and throw a match and run away.

01:43:30.000 I can't.

01:43:30.000 Do you take something out when you add something in, or is it just piling and piling and piling?

01:43:34.000 Yes.

01:43:34.000 It'll get in the way of my writing.

01:43:36.000 It'll get in the way of, you know, whatever the fuck it is.

01:43:39.000 See, I find when I play, when I golf, it's my favorite time to think.

01:43:44.000 Your head's clear, you're in nature, there's nothing going on.

01:43:46.000 Right, and you're trying to knock that ball to the hole.

01:43:48.000 And the whole point of good golfers will tell you that you shouldn't be having a million thoughts about it.

01:43:54.000 You should be kind of fluid and in the moment a little bit.

01:43:57.000 So that's the best play you can play.

01:43:58.000 Sounds like hot yoga.

01:44:02.000 I'm going to do it.

01:44:03.000 Hot yoga definitely takes only an hour and a half.

01:44:04.000 I'm going to do it, but if in the middle of it I want to bail, I'm going to bail.

01:44:07.000 You can't bail, pussy.

01:44:08.000 It's not pussy.

01:44:09.000 I don't want to sit in this hot...

01:44:11.000 Why does it have to be hot?

01:44:12.000 Because it's hard.

01:44:13.000 It makes it difficult.

01:44:14.000 Oh, it's not difficult.

01:44:15.000 Test your will.

01:44:16.000 It feels annoying.

01:44:17.000 I don't like hot stuff.

01:44:18.000 I don't like hot rooms.

01:44:20.000 What about hot food?

01:44:22.000 I like spicy food.

01:44:23.000 What about a hot coffee?

01:44:24.000 I like ice better.

01:44:28.000 This is that old theory.

01:44:29.000 It's like, would you rather be cold all the time or hot all the time?

01:44:31.000 I'd always rather be cold.

01:44:32.000 I'd be hot.

01:44:33.000 Take hot.

01:44:33.000 What would you take?

01:44:35.000 Well, it depends on how hot.

01:44:36.000 I don't want 120. I don't want Phoenix in the summer.

01:44:39.000 Would you rather live in Alaska all year round or by the equator all year round?

01:44:45.000 Would you rather live in Phoenix, Arizona or Anchorage?

01:44:48.000 Phoenix is great.

01:44:49.000 Yeah, it is.

01:44:49.000 And in the summertime, you just find a place with AC. I live there.

01:44:53.000 It's awful in the summer.

01:44:55.000 120 is too much.

01:44:57.000 It gets rough.

01:44:58.000 But the winter's amazing.

01:45:00.000 Yeah, it's beautiful.

01:45:01.000 But I'd rather be in winter a lot more than in summer a lot more.

01:45:05.000 Do you crank a hotel room up or down?

01:45:07.000 Because that's a big difference.

01:45:09.000 Oh, dude.

01:45:09.000 My hotels stay at like...

01:45:10.000 When it goes, you know, like six...

01:45:12.000 Whatever it can go down below.

01:45:13.000 Yeah, okay.

01:45:13.000 Yeah, I go to low as it can go.

01:45:14.000 So you're like, we in cold.

01:45:16.000 I want it freezing, baby.

01:45:17.000 But look at you.

01:45:17.000 You're like a cold climate person.

01:45:19.000 But I run hot.

01:45:20.000 Red hair, white skin.

01:45:21.000 You run hot?

01:45:21.000 I run hot.

01:45:22.000 I'm mad.

01:45:23.000 Ooh, you're mad all the time.

01:45:24.000 Always drunk, throwing up everywhere.

01:45:26.000 Puking on the plane.

01:45:27.000 Puking on the plane.

01:45:28.000 That's what it was.

01:45:29.000 I was blacked out.

01:45:31.000 I was drinking that morning.

01:45:33.000 I lied.

01:45:33.000 I didn't go to bed.

01:45:35.000 Puking on a fucking plane.

01:45:36.000 By the way, for those that know, puking on a plane is exactly as uncomfortable as you would fucking imagine it.

01:45:42.000 Do you bring your own golf clubs on the road?

01:45:43.000 Do you ever do that?

01:45:44.000 A lot of times.

01:45:44.000 If I'm going to a place I know I'm going to play golf.

01:45:46.000 That's when it gets crazy.

01:45:48.000 No, why?

01:45:49.000 Yeah, why?

01:45:49.000 It's crazy.

01:45:52.000 Or, if it's a nice enough course, I just will rent their clubs from them.

01:45:56.000 Oh, they have good clubs.

01:45:57.000 A nice course always has a good set of clubs.

01:45:59.000 Yeah?

01:45:59.000 Shitty courses have...

01:46:00.000 But I'm not playing any...

01:46:02.000 I'm playing nice courses.

01:46:03.000 If I'm going to go and play somewhere...

01:46:04.000 That's a good move.

01:46:05.000 Yeah.

01:46:05.000 That way you don't have to worry about it.

01:46:07.000 Well, dude, FedEx does ship sticks and all this stuff.

01:46:09.000 What's ship sticks?

01:46:11.000 There's places that take your clubs, they ship them for you, and they're there when you get there.

01:46:15.000 That's a good move.

01:46:16.000 It's awesome.

01:46:17.000 Yeah.

01:46:17.000 You don't even have to think about it.

01:46:19.000 That's a good move.

01:46:20.000 Because, like, when you get on a plane, it's a fucking massive pain in the ass to ship.

01:46:23.000 Oh, lugging the shit around us.

01:46:24.000 No, no.

01:46:25.000 Shipping them is way easier.

01:46:26.000 You gotta check things, and you gotta wait at baggage claim and hope they didn't fuck with your clubs.

01:46:31.000 But I get used to it.

01:46:32.000 Like, for snowboards, I have to bring my fucking snowboard everywhere, because you don't want to ship that.

01:46:36.000 Oh, yeah.

01:46:36.000 I rent skis.

01:46:38.000 I always rent skis.

01:46:39.000 See, I don't like rental shit, because it's been a beat to shit.

01:46:41.000 But I have my own boots, but I rent skis.

01:46:44.000 Skis are skis.

01:46:45.000 I can't.

01:46:45.000 Yeah, I guess.

01:46:46.000 But I suck anyway.

01:46:47.000 Like, I'm not a good skier.

01:46:48.000 You're not?

01:46:49.000 No.

01:46:49.000 Is anybody in your family good?

01:46:50.000 Yeah, my kids are way better than me.

01:46:52.000 They're good, huh?

01:46:52.000 Yeah, they're better than me.

01:46:54.000 My 11-year-old, she always wants to go to the fucking Black Diamonds.

01:46:58.000 That's awesome.

01:46:58.000 She's a little daredevil.

01:47:00.000 And you won't go with her?

01:47:00.000 Fuck that.

01:47:01.000 Hell yes.

01:47:02.000 I'm not dying.

01:47:02.000 I love that.

01:47:03.000 No.

01:47:03.000 I go rip.

01:47:04.000 She does jumps and shit.

01:47:05.000 Fuck that.

01:47:06.000 Well, yeah, she's 11, but at some point she'll quit that.

01:47:08.000 She weighs 80 pounds.

01:47:09.000 I mean, not even.

01:47:10.000 She flies through the fucking air?

01:47:11.000 Probably 70. Yeah, she flies.

01:47:13.000 She flies and lands.

01:47:14.000 But when you go skiing, do you stay on the easy hills?

01:47:17.000 Stay safe.

01:47:18.000 Carving nice and soft?

01:47:19.000 I don't like skiing.

01:47:20.000 I do it because they like it.

01:47:21.000 You don't like it?

01:47:22.000 Nope.

01:47:22.000 Oh, God.

01:47:23.000 It feels so fucking good.

01:47:24.000 I love it.

01:47:25.000 This is where I go.

01:47:26.000 Don't get hurt.

01:47:27.000 Don't get hurt.

01:47:27.000 Didn't get hurt.

01:47:28.000 The whole time.

01:47:29.000 Don't get hurt.

01:47:30.000 Look at this fucking asshole.

01:47:31.000 Jesus Christ.

01:47:31.000 He's cutting right in front of me.

01:47:32.000 Because some dickwads.

01:47:34.000 There's always like some L.A. douche.

01:47:36.000 Yeah.

01:47:36.000 It's just a...

01:47:37.000 Just a little too cocky with his skiing and just a little too into it and probably on Adderall just fucking whizzing his way down.

01:47:45.000 Yeah, it is.

01:47:47.000 No, it is.

01:47:47.000 Listen, the older I get when I go do it, the more scared I am because of how fast people are going now.

01:47:53.000 And how dumb people are.

01:47:55.000 They'll stop in the middle of the trail and fix their ski.

01:47:57.000 Like, go off to the side, dipshit.

01:48:00.000 What, two seasons ago, I almost lost it on this poor kid.

01:48:04.000 I came over this hill, and you can't see on the other side, and he was laying down because he had fallen, and he was crying, and I'm coming over this little lip, and I'm panicking in the middle of the air.

01:48:14.000 You think you're going to hit him?

01:48:15.000 Oh my god, I think I'm going to kill him, dude.

01:48:16.000 Oh my god, can you imagine?

01:48:18.000 I think I'm going to slice his face open, and I'm...

01:48:21.000 Moving my weight through the air as I'm falling, and I eat shit.

01:48:25.000 I mean, I eat shit.

01:48:27.000 And then I throw my shit off, and I grab this kid by the jacket, and I throw him off the middle of the hill.

01:48:32.000 Probably like seven or eight.

01:48:33.000 You know what I mean?

01:48:34.000 You threw a seven or eight-year-old?

01:48:35.000 Oh, yeah, dude.

01:48:36.000 Did you beat him up?

01:48:37.000 Yeah, I kicked the shit out of him, little fucking bitch.

01:48:39.000 What'd you do?

01:48:39.000 I put him in a fucking headlock.

01:48:41.000 I say, fucking bitch.

01:48:42.000 Say Santino's the best.

01:48:43.000 Whoa.

01:48:43.000 No, but I threw him off to the side.

01:48:45.000 I was like, dude, you cannot be there.

01:48:46.000 You're going to get hurt.

01:48:48.000 Like, he could have gotten fucked.

01:48:49.000 Oh, he's seven.

01:48:49.000 He doesn't know any better, bro.

01:48:50.000 I know, dude, but that's why I'm like, don't be on this side of the hill.

01:48:53.000 But that's the problem is, like, kids go on tough runs and they don't know what they're doing.

01:48:56.000 Yeah, that is a problem.

01:48:57.000 You get hurt bad.

01:48:58.000 I mean, he could have got skis and...

01:48:59.000 Well, the thing is, like, no one...

01:49:01.000 It's not like...

01:49:02.000 Like, when you go on a blue or a green...

01:49:05.000 No one tells you, hey, you're not ready for a green.

01:49:08.000 I know.

01:49:08.000 Like, let me see your certificate.

01:49:10.000 Yeah, you should have a license.

01:49:11.000 I can do it.

01:49:13.000 I watched this lady eat shit.

01:49:16.000 I could see it.

01:49:17.000 I was like, oh my god, she's not supposed to be in here!

01:49:19.000 Boom!

01:49:20.000 Boom!

01:49:21.000 Boom!

01:49:22.000 Boom!

01:49:22.000 Here's how you know.

01:49:23.000 When you go to Colorado or you go to a resort and you see a guy on the gondola or going up to the top lift with jeans on, I'm always like, I'm going to follow this guy.

01:49:31.000 Or he's awesome.

01:49:32.000 He knows he's not gonna crash.

01:49:33.000 That's fucking rare.

01:49:34.000 It's possible.

01:49:35.000 Most of those guys know not to wear jeans.

01:49:36.000 Maybe.

01:49:36.000 He's like, listen, I'm not fucking crashing.

01:49:39.000 Let's go skiing with jeans.

01:49:40.000 I don't crash.

01:49:40.000 With jean jacket jeans.

01:49:41.000 Yeah, jeans with a thong over the jeans.

01:49:44.000 Yeah.

01:49:46.000 Yeah, let's do it.

01:49:46.000 I don't mind skiing, but I don't like doing it too much.

01:49:50.000 It's just, I know so many people that have torn their ACL, already broke his wrist one year, and the year before that he broke his ankle.

01:49:58.000 He must be fucking bad.

01:50:01.000 I think he's reckless.

01:50:02.000 Yeah, he's reckless.

01:50:03.000 He's a wild person.

01:50:04.000 He wants to push it all the way to the limit.

01:50:05.000 He's probably on drugs too, let's be honest.

01:50:07.000 Yes, I was just going to say.

01:50:08.000 That's the other problem with hills is like now people are so fucked up now.

01:50:10.000 People also get so drunk and go skiing.

01:50:12.000 Yeah.

01:50:13.000 Like midday drinking up at the top of the mountain.

01:50:16.000 And you know how much I like drinking?

01:50:17.000 I don't do it.

01:50:18.000 Yeah.

01:50:18.000 Because I'm like, I'm not getting drunk and going down a fucking hill and then what if I hurt someone and I'm drunk?

01:50:23.000 Yeah.

01:50:24.000 Nah, I don't want to do it.

01:50:25.000 But do you see people at those mid-hill, mid-hill lodges?

01:50:28.000 Dude, chugging beer.

01:50:31.000 Yeah, no one stops you.

01:50:31.000 Nope.

01:50:32.000 No one stops you from that.

01:50:33.000 No one stops you from taking mushrooms.

01:50:36.000 My friend Aubrey takes mushrooms before he skis.

01:50:38.000 That's crazy.

01:50:39.000 Maybe he does better.

01:50:40.000 I'll take mushrooms after we ski back at the house.

01:50:43.000 Maybe take a little bit and you'll be better.

01:50:45.000 Maybe a tiny bit.

01:50:46.000 I'll take a little hit.

01:50:48.000 I'll get a little high, but I can't get...

01:50:50.000 I don't want to get fucked up and feel like I'm not in control.

01:50:53.000 When I play pool, high, I'm better.

01:50:55.000 I'm like one ball better.

01:50:57.000 Yeah, do you think it's a performance-enhancing drug?

01:50:59.000 100%.

01:50:59.000 It is, huh?

01:51:00.000 Yeah.

01:51:00.000 So what do you think about its way in professional sports?

01:51:02.000 Jiu-jitsu as well.

01:51:03.000 It is for jiu-jitsu, too.

01:51:04.000 What about basketball and baseball?

01:51:06.000 I don't play basketball, but I would imagine it's similar to pool in that it's a feel thing.

01:51:10.000 You're feeling where the ball goes.

01:51:12.000 You have a certain sensitivity.

01:51:13.000 So you think it should be illegal for professional sports?

01:51:15.000 No.

01:51:16.000 No.

01:51:16.000 I don't think it should be illegal because it's like it doesn't make you faster or stronger.

01:51:21.000 I think those are the things that should make you illegal.

01:51:22.000 But I think you could be just as focused without it, but for certain people it enhances your focus.

01:51:29.000 It kind of gives you tunnel vision.

01:51:30.000 But that's what I'm saying.

01:51:32.000 That's the argument is they'd say that could be an advantage.

01:51:35.000 I could see you would say it's an advantage.

01:51:36.000 It's a delicate...

01:51:38.000 I am better at jujitsu when I'm high.

01:51:40.000 I really do believe that.

01:51:41.000 Like you perform better.

01:51:42.000 Yes, I perform.

01:51:43.000 I feel better.

01:51:44.000 I feel like I'm more intuitive.

01:51:46.000 I understand positions better.

01:51:48.000 I understand where I'm going better.

01:51:49.000 You ever lift weights high?

01:51:51.000 Yes.

01:51:51.000 I love it.

01:51:52.000 You know what's funny?

01:51:53.000 I hate running high.

01:51:55.000 Really?

01:51:55.000 Like a lot of people like to get high and run.

01:51:56.000 Love it.

01:51:57.000 No, see, I can lift weights high, but running high, I don't.

01:52:01.000 It's not my favorite.

01:52:02.000 Yeah.

01:52:02.000 Yoga.

01:52:03.000 Yoga high.

01:52:04.000 Oh my God.

01:52:05.000 Okay, so that makes more sense.

01:52:06.000 It's the best.

01:52:06.000 You feel like every fiber of your muscles.

01:52:09.000 You feel things stretching.

01:52:10.000 You feel where you're pushing too hard, like where things are starting to pop.

01:52:13.000 Right.

01:52:14.000 You feel it.

01:52:15.000 Yeah.

01:52:15.000 Your balance feels good.

01:52:17.000 The runner's high I get from running alone, I just feel like it's its own kind of wonderful little drug.

01:52:22.000 Right.

01:52:22.000 But lifting, because I'm such an ADD guy, that lifting is easily distractible.

01:52:27.000 You're like, there's so much to do in the gym.

01:52:29.000 You're like, what am I doing next?

01:52:31.000 I feel it, man.

01:52:31.000 I feel it.

01:52:32.000 Like when I'm doing chin-ups when I'm high, it just feels.

01:52:35.000 No, yeah.

01:52:35.000 I know.

01:52:36.000 I like it.

01:52:37.000 I like lifting high.

01:52:38.000 There it is.

01:52:39.000 Just baked out of your fucking mind.

01:52:42.000 What's the one thing you won't do high?

01:52:43.000 I feel it.

01:52:48.000 Oh, commentate on the UFC. Have you done it before?

01:52:50.000 Yes.

01:52:51.000 And you were high and you fucked up?

01:52:52.000 I don't like it.

01:52:53.000 I don't like it.

01:52:54.000 Did you eat shit?

01:52:54.000 No, I didn't, but this is my worry.

01:52:58.000 I've never done it really high.

01:52:59.000 My worry is that I wouldn't want to talk about the fights.

01:53:01.000 I'd want to talk about other things.

01:53:05.000 It just turned into this?

01:53:06.000 It would just turn into a pocket?

01:53:07.000 Yeah, if it's a boring fight, first of all, it would be extremely disrespectful if while these people who have dedicated months of their life and years of their life training and preparing, and here they are in the UFC, and I barely paid attention to the fight.

01:53:17.000 Right, yeah.

01:53:19.000 I'm subject to not pay attention if I'm high.

01:53:21.000 I get that.

01:53:21.000 If I'm high, I could pay attention to the fucking lighting.

01:53:24.000 I'd be like, how weird is it if this lighting thing is above our head?

01:53:26.000 It's like a thousand pounds.

01:53:27.000 I've never even thought about it.

01:53:28.000 Yeah, and it could fall at any minute on accident.

01:53:30.000 How many people have died?

01:53:31.000 I'd be like, how many people have died from lighting?

01:53:32.000 They'd be like, Joe, there's a fight going on right now.

01:53:34.000 I'd be like, I know, I know, but this fight's going on all the time.

01:53:37.000 DC is like, thank you for the lighting tips, Joe.

01:53:39.000 We're going to go right back to the fight.

01:53:41.000 People would be angry at me.

01:53:43.000 Legitimately so.

01:53:44.000 It's a dick move.

01:53:46.000 Certain people can be really baked on stage.

01:53:49.000 I can be a little high, but I can't get too high and get on stage.

01:53:53.000 I don't like it.

01:53:54.000 Like, I just feel like my performance lacks.

01:53:56.000 It's really weird.

01:53:56.000 Writing, like, the other side of it is enjoyable high.

01:53:59.000 Like, I love creating and writing and making high, but performing high?

01:54:03.000 Not my favorite shit.

01:54:03.000 Tell you where it's the best to be super high.

01:54:06.000 Huh?

01:54:06.000 That stand-up on the spot show?

01:54:07.000 Jeremiah Watkins show?

01:54:08.000 Oh, yeah.

01:54:09.000 Well, yes.

01:54:11.000 Well, it's all improv.

01:54:12.000 Yes, complete improvisation.

01:54:14.000 High as a kite.

01:54:15.000 But that's because it's almost like a win-win.

01:54:18.000 That thing is like, even if you're not really coming up with shit, it's still in the moment of fun.

01:54:24.000 All of it is in the mood of fun.

01:54:26.000 But when you're in the main room performing, fuck that.

01:54:28.000 How about when you're doing a fucking arena?

01:54:30.000 No, I can't.

01:54:31.000 No way.

01:54:32.000 I mean, we've gotten a little high before big shows.

01:54:35.000 Yes, we have.

01:54:37.000 But I can't get ripped.

01:54:40.000 If I'm ripped, I'm not focused.

01:54:43.000 I've gotten ripped.

01:54:44.000 The most ripped I've ever gotten is before podcasts.

01:54:46.000 In the early days of podcasting, we were talking about this the other day, and I would be in the middle of talking not knowing what the fuck I was talking about.

01:54:52.000 And I'd be like, wait a minute, that's not right.

01:54:54.000 What?

01:54:54.000 What am I saying?

01:54:55.000 What am I even saying?

01:54:56.000 There were so many podcasts that if I look back on these cringy moments of things that I said, I was like, I was so high, I barely knew what I was talking about.

01:55:05.000 Right.

01:55:05.000 Is your number accurate for how many this is?

01:55:09.000 Yes!

01:55:09.000 They were pretty close.

01:55:10.000 Or were there numbers that got lost in the Matrix?

01:55:12.000 Things like podcasts on a plane that I don't think were in the number group.

01:55:17.000 Are they numbered?

01:55:18.000 There's probably like 15-ish that don't have numbers and then the fight companions didn't get numbers.

01:55:23.000 What's the number at?

01:55:24.000 What are we at right now?

01:55:25.000 This is 1371. Fucking wild.

01:55:27.000 You know what you talked about that we never went through with?

01:55:29.000 What?

01:55:29.000 I don't know what city we were in, but we talked about doing it from one of those cool fucking buses.

01:55:33.000 Yes.

01:55:33.000 Or that van or whatever it was.

01:55:35.000 Yeah, the Sprinter van.

01:55:36.000 That's what they're called.

01:55:36.000 Well, what we talked about, and Jamie and I talked about this too, was getting a Sprinter van and doing it up in the inside, like a podcast studio, and then taking it to gigs.

01:55:45.000 So, like, say if you and I did a gig in Irvine, we'd hire a driver...

01:55:49.000 Jamie would be in the back working the fucking controls and shit, all microphones and cameras, and we'd drive down to Irvine.

01:55:57.000 And it works so much better now that the show's not live anymore.

01:56:00.000 It would be easy to do, because you would just compress it all into a video file and then upload it to YouTube.

01:56:05.000 I still think we should do that.

01:56:06.000 We could totally do that.

01:56:07.000 You know what we should do though?

01:56:07.000 We should get like three or four comics to go do like a big thing in Vegas.

01:56:10.000 Yes.

01:56:11.000 And we take the drive to Vegas and make us, you know, like do like a podcast from there to Vegas.

01:56:15.000 It's like a four hour drive and we would do all four or five of us in the van.

01:56:18.000 Four hours if everything goes great.

01:56:20.000 Sure.

01:56:21.000 Yeah.

01:56:21.000 Sure.

01:56:22.000 But even still, I think that's a great drive and then you can edit it and cut it down and then get to Vegas, show the show and then whatever.

01:56:27.000 Yeah.

01:56:27.000 And we could do it safe too.

01:56:29.000 We could actually have seatbelts.

01:56:30.000 Yeah.

01:56:31.000 We could actually have a podcast desk.

01:56:32.000 We could do it all legit.

01:56:33.000 Well, you can get those sprinter vans, man.

01:56:35.000 There's companies that design them.

01:56:37.000 They do whatever you want.

01:56:38.000 They deck them out, right?

01:56:38.000 I mean, they could even put a screen up like that where Jamie can throw to a screen and we can look at stuff.

01:56:43.000 But we would have to have some kind of an internet connection while we're in there.

01:56:46.000 Well, don't they have those...

01:56:47.000 Satellite?

01:56:48.000 Yeah, you can buy them, right?

01:56:49.000 Yeah, it's dog shit.

01:56:50.000 Are they?

01:56:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:56:51.000 The DirecTV's good.

01:56:52.000 You can get real DirecTV and those things, but your internet...

01:56:56.000 Really slow.

01:56:57.000 You can buy those from the phone companies, the little tiny pods as you go?

01:57:03.000 Well, you can get some cellular internet connection.

01:57:07.000 And I think Chuck, our audio guy, was telling us that they can combine two or three cellular signals and up the bandwidth.

01:57:18.000 So maybe we could stream YouTube on a television.

01:57:20.000 Whoa.

01:57:21.000 Like they tether your phone...

01:57:23.000 Would you have separate ones?

01:57:25.000 Yeah.

01:57:25.000 You would get separate ones that are dedicated and you get...

01:57:27.000 Is that correct?

01:57:28.000 Yeah, there's companies that have it set up so you can have like a backpack for like people that they call IRL streamers that walk around and stream.

01:57:35.000 Oh, right.

01:57:35.000 That just switches back to the most...

01:57:38.000 What's going on with my audio?

01:57:39.000 Something.

01:57:39.000 The president's...

01:57:41.000 They're listening, dude.

01:57:43.000 It'll just go to whatever antenna's working the best at the time you're there, and it'll just tether.

01:57:47.000 But if you're in a place that has nothing, you have nothing.

01:57:50.000 But if we drive to...

01:57:52.000 Vegas is pretty good most of the way, right?

01:57:54.000 I feel like Vegas is easy, though, because it's so heavy traffic.

01:57:57.000 Yeah, you get cell phone most of the way.

01:57:59.000 Oh, yeah.

01:58:00.000 And the 405, if you're heading down...

01:58:02.000 If we had a gig in Irvine or something like that, you'd be able to...

01:58:06.000 Or like a trip up north to San Francisco would be fucking awesome.

01:58:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:58:09.000 Oh, that's a long drive, though.

01:58:10.000 Rather fly.

01:58:12.000 Yeah, I guess that's true.

01:58:13.000 Or let's take a private jet and do it on a jet.

01:58:17.000 Like Tommy Segura.

01:58:18.000 He's taking private jets all over the place.

01:58:20.000 He's hashtag ballin'.

01:58:21.000 He's balling, dude.

01:58:22.000 He is ballin'.

01:58:23.000 He's selling out everywhere.

01:58:24.000 Yeah, he's overseas.

01:58:25.000 Everybody is.

01:58:25.000 Like, it's amazing.

01:58:26.000 Burt Kreischer's making fucking crazy money now.

01:58:28.000 Yeah.

01:58:29.000 Looking thin, sexy.

01:58:30.000 Getting thin and sexy, baby.

01:58:32.000 Yeah, everybody's murdering it.

01:58:34.000 Oh, speaking of which, you got a fucking theater tour.

01:58:36.000 I got a small theater tour.

01:58:37.000 Yeah, the Red Rocket Tour 2020, baby.

01:58:40.000 I've got some dates left.

01:58:41.000 Are you working tomorrow night?

01:58:42.000 Um, no.

01:58:44.000 You want to do the Comedy Store with me?

01:58:45.000 Yep.

01:58:45.000 Two shows.

01:58:46.000 I'm there.

01:58:47.000 Woo!

01:58:47.000 See ya.

01:58:48.000 You heard it here, bitches.

01:58:49.000 Yeah, tomorrow...

01:58:50.000 Brian Callen's doing it with us.

01:58:51.000 Oh, okay, never mind.

01:58:52.000 I don't want to do it with that fucking piece of shit.

01:58:53.000 Hey, he's a good guy.

01:58:53.000 Come on.

01:58:55.000 Yeah, I'm doing my first small theater tour, man.

01:58:57.000 The Red Rocket 2020 tour.

01:58:59.000 Edmonton, Denver, Minneapolis, Madison, Bakersfield.

01:59:03.000 Detroit, Atlanta.

01:59:03.000 What are you doing?

01:59:03.000 You doing the Fox Theater in Bakersfield?

01:59:05.000 That place is the shit.

01:59:07.000 I don't know what I'm doing.

01:59:07.000 Bakersfield is fucking great.

01:59:09.000 Yeah, it's cool.

01:59:09.000 It's awesome.

01:59:10.000 There's a theater up there in Bakersfield.

01:59:11.000 It's awesome.

01:59:12.000 Detroit, Atlanta, Chicago, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Portland, Seattle, Miami, West Palm Beach, and Phoenix.

01:59:18.000 Tickets now at andrewsantino.com.

01:59:20.000 I'm around, dude.

01:59:21.000 I've got a couple of dates left here that I'm doing the rest of the year.

01:59:23.000 November, I've got some stuff that I'm doing now.

01:59:26.000 The two people that I work with did this for me.

01:59:29.000 It's fucking incredible.

01:59:30.000 We'll put that up on Instagram after we get out of here.

01:59:33.000 Let's wrap this bitch up.

01:59:35.000 AndrewSantino.com for all your Santino needs and pleasures.

01:59:39.000 My brother.

01:59:40.000 Fun times.

01:59:41.000 Thank you, man.

01:59:41.000 Fun times this weekend, too.

01:59:43.000 It'll be better next time because I won't be so bad!

01:59:46.000 Sober October.

01:59:47.000 Today we have three solid days left.

01:59:51.000 Hang in there, you fucks.

01:59:52.000 Bye-bye.

01:59:53.000 So close.

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 29, 2019

Joe Rogan Experience #1371 - Andrew Santino

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