In this episode, the boys talk about the dangers of smoking weed in public and how to deal with it in general. They also talk about Valentine's Day and the weird things they do to keep their kids safe from the stinky stench of pot smoke. Also, the guys talk about how they would like to see the government get rid of the coronavirus that's been plaguing the streets of New York City and other major cities across the U.S. The boys also discuss what they would do if they found out they were pregnant with twins and if they would be willing to give birth to them in public. And of course, they answer your burning questions. Don't miss it! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Thanks to our sponsor, Caff Monster Energy Drink. Caff is a high quality, high octane energy drink with twice the caffeine and hydration you'd expect from your average Coachella hangover. Caff has been making you feel better than you could ever could ever dream of. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Cheers, Cheers! Cheers. -Jon and the boys. Jon and the gang. Mike and the crew. Justin and the guys. J.J. & the boys Joe and the rest of the crew at Caff and Coachek. Joe, the crew and the team & the guys at the Caff. . Jon & the team at Caffe . . . and we hope you all enjoy this episode. We hope you enjoy it. The boys have a great week and enjoy it and you enjoy this one. and that you all have a Happy Valentine s Day! (and that you can keep coming back next week! Joe & the crew are back soon! -Joe & the gang is back with more Cheers -J. Will be back with a new episode next week!! Mike, Mike & the Crew :) And we will be back in the next episode of the podcast. ( ) Thanks, Joe, Mike and The Crew. & The Crew at CFS. , The Crew, , and the Crew at , Joe, and the Boys at Calf & the Boys
00:01:11.000It always makes me laugh when it's in the morning and you're like, shit, it's like 9am and someone's just smoking a blunt outside of brunch.
00:01:19.000Well, yoga, there's this one dude that I go to yoga with, this old fella, and he has a van and he parks his van right next to the yoga place and he gets fucking blasted!
00:04:36.000Apparently this coronavirus, they say, can live outside of a host for three days.
00:04:41.000So if you have, like, coronavirus on your hand, you touch a railing, that shit will exist outside of your body for three days, which is very unusual.
00:04:59.000But the doctors that studied at the CDC, Duncan and I went to the CDC down in Galveston, I think it is, and we were talking with these infectious disease experts, and we were all conspiracy theory-like.
00:05:24.000But he was saying, they make themselves, and they happen all the time, and we barely can keep up with them, and it just takes one big, giant one, like the Spanish flu.
00:05:34.000The crazy thing, the Spanish flu was 1920, and this is 2020. Interesting.
00:07:54.000It's like these things absolutely can wipe out millions and millions of people before they can get a handle on it.
00:08:02.000I was on a plane a couple weeks ago flying from New Orleans back here, and I had this Viking woman behind me just open-mouthed coughing, and I was like, first of all, No.
00:08:16.000Second of all, I had to turn around and say, hey, can you please cover your mouth?
00:08:20.000And I had to do that to an adult woman.
00:09:03.000And I was reading this whole thing about glyphosate and how toxic it is and how many people have gotten cancer from glyphosate and how often they use glyphosate on vegetables.
00:09:57.000But apparently a lot of people that are gardeners and that are working on golf courses, golf courses apparently, get it a lot because they spray that shit everywhere because they want everything to just be grass.
00:11:49.000You know, but I think about like that shit like, you know, when it rains and then that stuff gets into the water supply and then you're just like, oh, I got a Brita filter, but is it really?
00:11:58.000There's another yoga guy that I know that teaches yoga and he didn't know that you're not supposed to swim in the ocean right after the rain.
00:12:35.000Well, when that bitch goes down into the ocean, it carries with it all the garbage, all the chemicals, oil from the streets, all that stuff.
00:13:44.000Well, they say so many people are on antidepressants and SSRIs and all that jazz that the water supply has a certain amount of it in it because people flush.
00:13:53.000And they flush, and apparently some of the water that we use is actually recycled.
00:13:58.000They take your piss water and they turn it around.
00:20:15.000Like, if you get water from a lake, you're drinking a bunch of different bacteria and parasites.
00:20:20.000I mean, even if it's a clear lake, you're really not supposed to drink the water unless you're above a certain altitude.
00:20:27.000Like, I was in Alaska, and I was with these guys, and we were hunting, and they told us we could drink this water because above 8,000 feet or whatever, beavers don't live.
00:21:40.000Is there a legitimate lesbian community where it's only lesbians and they get together and do lesbian things and wear cowboy hats and cheese strings and shit?
00:25:21.000Well, it would be just for men that aren't gay to understand what it was like.
00:25:25.000Imagine if there was, like, gay conversion therapy, where people were saying, like, God wants you to be gay, and you've got to stop hooking up with all these ladies.
00:25:34.000And we're going to get together, and we're just going to pray that gay into you.
00:25:38.000We're going to put on some Moulin Rouge soundtrack.
00:26:29.000There's copyrights on those so that they own the clip and so they want other people to go to their page to have the clip so we put it on our page.
00:26:50.000I was doing a gig somewhere out of town, and afterwards we had the meet and greet, and she came up to me, and she's like, I really thought you were really funny.
00:28:22.000This is what breaks my heart, is this woman's clearly doing her job, and then she has her son with her, and she's like, no, but I'm raising my son to be open-minded, because I'm a Christian as well, and love is love.
00:28:35.000And that's what we need more of, is when people cherry-pick the Bible, like a Jim Baker, who's like, you know, or even our amazing Christian...
00:29:46.000Well, also, the Bible's clearly seen the hand of man.
00:29:51.000I'm sure there was probably some things that people had figured out, whether it's from psychedelic experiences or what have you, that they had – there's some core tenets.
00:29:59.000We should treat each other as if, you know, these are our brothers and sisters.
00:30:03.000Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
00:30:58.000They came back with some really loosely put together commandment that they got from God.
00:31:04.000Like Moses, when he came down from the mountain in Jerusalem, the Jerusalem scholars now believe that the burning bush that talked to God, or talked to Moses, Was the acacia tree, which is a tree that's rich in DMT. So they believe this thing of a burning bush was actually them smoking this plant and having these psychedelic experiences.
00:32:16.000And, you know, she didn't want to listen.
00:32:18.000Which they said the apple was a pomegranate?
00:32:21.000They said the apple could have been a pomegranate, yeah, because it's the fruit of life because it has so many antioxidants in it.
00:32:27.000There's another theory that the term apple is actually based on the color red, and that it actually represented the Amanita muscaria mushroom, which was the mushroom that they believed Christianity was based on in the first place.
00:32:43.000There's a book called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross by a guy named John Marco Allegro, who was an ordained minister.
00:32:50.000Yeah, see, that is an original fresco from some France...
00:32:55.000See, there's 13th century fresco depicting Adam and Eve in a tree of knowledge.
00:34:03.000But the book is essentially saying, this guy John Marco Allegro, he studied the Dead Sea Scrolls for 14 years and his conclusion, he was one of the people that was on the committee to decipher the Dead Sea Scrolls from Aramaic to English.
00:34:17.000And after 14 years, his conclusion was that the entire Christian religion was a gigantic misunderstanding, and what it really was about was the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals.
00:35:03.000When you stop and think about how long people have been telling the story of Jesus and how weird it's gotten over the years and how many times it's been distorted and twisted and changed and turned from ancient Hebrew, I mean the original Bible, the Old Testament, ancient Hebrew and then they converted it to...
00:35:20.000Latin and Greek and then English and then the New Testament and then...
00:36:43.000Yeah, well, they eat them, they trip balls, and they think that it's coming from God.
00:36:47.000And so all the stories in the Bible were essentially about them trying to hide these mushroom rituals in allegories and parables and all these different stories, you know, that made sense to them but wouldn't make sense to their conquerors, like the Romans.
00:37:04.000I feel like after a big rainstorm, because those mushrooms pop out of the ground really fast.
00:37:09.000They don't have TV. They don't have Instagram.
00:37:12.000So they're probably like, whoa, these weren't here like two days ago.
00:37:20.000When he used to live in Asheville, they'd actually spray things on the manure to keep the mushrooms from growing.
00:37:25.000Because so many psilocybin mushrooms grew on the manure out there.
00:37:29.000And they even added things to the cow's diet.
00:37:31.000And they were trying everything to kill these mushrooms.
00:37:33.000Because these college kids, Duncan, Duncan Trussell and his buddies, would go out to the fields and there would be fucking mushrooms everywhere.
00:37:46.000Moist and everything's green and lush these cows just fucking lay turds and these mushrooms would grow out of them and they would all these kids would trip balls yeah and Duncan talks with with great fondness of his college days just going out into the fields and finding mushrooms and they would all just trip their fucking balls just sit out in the field and do it overnight like it rains and then the next day you go out in the morning and it's like fucking five pounds of mushrooms just floating around oh Good times.
00:43:08.0001, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. DC thing is always weird because it's fully legal in DC. And that's not a state or a federal government city, but it's not legal.
00:43:18.000Get that cursor off the states so I can count them.
00:44:33.000Well, people have these ideas of what's good and what's not good, what's going to happen and not going to happen, which brings me back to this Mayor Pete guy.
00:44:39.000They came up with that guy because they said, look, here he is.
00:45:21.000If he gets in there, apparently, you know, he was an independent for so long, and he doesn't want to play ball, and he doesn't accept any money.
00:46:00.000I don't know if economically it's feasible, because I don't understand economics.
00:46:04.000Like, when people start talking about...
00:46:06.000When he was on here, he was describing that if they just took a very small amount of money from every transaction that they do, like less than one cent from every transaction that Wall Street does, that it would add up to more than enough money to pay for healthcare and a lot of other things.
00:51:02.000She's talking about working families that are really poor and that have multiple jobs and that are struggling and they're never going to be rich.
00:52:03.000I don't know if they have the capability of change on a large scale or if they're already so compromised in so many different ways that it would just be throwing money away.
00:52:28.000Quote about how he says the government just kind of looks a blind eye because we are a city and a state that lives on permits and parking and licenses and, you know, we just want that money, you know?
00:52:39.000So it's like if he says something, you know, Forest Memorial – Forest Lawn Memorial – Like how you look across the way and there's all these, you know, immigrants and whatnot, like selling flowers, you know, but like a woman driving without a license plate, she'll get pulled over and charged, but all these other people.
00:52:54.000It was kind of interesting and I hate saying, I hate being like, oh, Tucker Carlson, but it was just, it was actually a really interesting interview.
00:53:13.000I live in West Hollywood, and I remember a couple years ago, because it went from downtown, and then downtown pushes them all out, so they keep going west, keep going west.
00:53:20.000Some go to the beach, some go to Santa Monica, but now it's like I live in an area that, you know, Six, seven years ago, it was fine.
00:53:29.000But now it's like even on the way to go get coffee this morning, I walk everywhere I go.
00:53:33.000It's like I saw like three homeless people just outside just screaming at nothing.
00:53:40.000You know, they're in tattered clothes and they're dirty.
00:54:12.000Because back when the recession happened, we were rating tables, so we bounced from job to job because one day we'd go to work and there'd be chains on the door because they couldn't pay us.
00:54:20.000So we had this little kind of group that we would go apply together at different jobs.
00:55:07.000I think her parents passed away, and that might have set her spiraling.
00:55:11.000But yeah, I remember just doing a spot at the Laugh Factory one night and walking outside, and you know how they just keep everyone outside.
00:55:21.000And And she just like barreled through everybody just screaming nonsense and like she had like teeth missing and it's just sad it's just really really sad and then I'm at the gym working out and I'll see her like down there you know with her garbage and everything and yeah she doesn't it's just sad it's a lost cause.
00:55:40.000So when you knew her she didn't seem like she had any mental health issues?
00:56:33.000You know, it's just like someone's daughter, someone's wife, someone's just out there, you know, vulnerable to the elements and predators, and it's just, it breaks my heart.
00:56:44.000No, it's awful, but I think most of what you're seeing with homeless people is people that are severely mentally ill.
00:56:51.000So you gotta wonder, like, what caused...
00:56:53.000Maybe she was on medication and her insurance ran out.
00:57:03.000There's a lot of people out there with giant mental health issues.
00:57:06.000I mean, I... I know several people who, you know, they would have anxiety.
00:57:14.000A guy that I used to date, it's like, you know, we dated for a long ass time, but it's like if he didn't have his anti-anxiety, yeah, like, and he got off that.
00:57:23.000I mean, he would full on have a panic attack, and that would get dirty.
00:57:27.000And I had to witness that, which was...
00:57:50.000It's, you know, like what happens to them if the fucking coronavirus hits and they get locked indoors for six months?
00:57:55.000And you just become agoraphobic and lose your shit?
00:57:59.000Well, we were talking about this the other day that most of what this is all happened from the Reagan administration.
00:58:05.000During the Reagan administration, they changed the standards of what it means to be mentally ill, and they just released people from asylums because they didn't want to pay for it all.
00:58:39.000There's currently somewhere in the neighborhood of 70,000 homeless people.
00:58:43.000Yeah, there was some statistic that said there's more empty apartments in this town than homeless people.
00:58:50.000The thing is, though, those folks don't just need a place, because they'll fuck that place up and punch holes in the wall and shit in there and stuff.
01:01:26.000You probably didn't know what I was saying when I was saying it.
01:01:28.000But I mean, I feel like that's, you know, you get through that struggle and you get through the years of being hungry and the years of like, can I pay my rent this year?
01:01:35.000And you do whatever you can to just scrounge everything up and do it.
01:01:40.000So you had those moments where you're like, this might not work out, I might go crazy.
01:02:22.000What I've heard is that they build those, and then the Saudis want their kids to come to school here and get an American education, so they just buy them for them, but nobody...
01:02:32.000Have you done any research on this, or is this just...
01:07:19.000I did some road gigs, and I did a lot of stuff around New York before I came to LA. And then I was out here in 94, and first she made me a non-paid regular.
01:07:30.000And I'd go on last every night, and I was here every night because I didn't have any friends.
01:07:36.000I was staying at the Oakwood Garden apartments, those pre-furnished apartments.
01:07:40.000And I was on this television show that was terrible.
01:07:42.000And I was just going to the store every night.
01:07:45.000I would work all day during the thing.
01:11:35.000There was a time where I was gone from the store where I wasn't doing my best work, and I was doing way more gigs for the UFC. I wasn't working in the clubs as much and my stand-up just wasn't as sharp.
01:12:01.000It's crazy because it's like I'm now on the road and it's...
01:12:06.000It's my first time actually performing in theaters, which is crazy.
01:12:11.000But I feel like the main room and the OR and all that has been that gym, like you said, where you're just like, okay, I'm ready to do this.
01:12:19.000I remember doing the Grand Ole Opry last year in Nashville, as a kid from the South.
01:13:39.000A couple people are annoying and a couple people need to check themselves because there's a lot of, like I just said, ego and bullshit and I just don't have time for that.
01:14:06.000That's why people come there, even if they don't have a spot.
01:14:08.000Like, there's a lot of comics that are on the road, and they don't even want to do a spot, but they want to come to that back bar and hang out.
01:14:13.000Like, I was just in town, I wanted to hang out.
01:14:15.000Ron White does that shit all the time.
01:15:22.000And so we started it two years ago, my friend Justine Marino, and the first day we were supposed to do it, you actually bumped us out of the belly room.
01:15:40.000Comedy store must have just offered it to me.
01:15:42.000I think they did, but then we did it monthly.
01:15:44.000Every month we went in there and did it, sold out every night, and then this network was like, hey, let's put this on TV, and it's coming out in March.
01:17:01.000I mean, it's really interesting because I made sort of a...
01:17:08.000I don't know what she would say, not an oath, but I decided to stop making fun of Kim Kardashian after she started letting people out of prison.
01:23:49.000And I started tweeting at her, saying, hey, bitch, get off your phone in the movie theater, especially if you're an actress and we're paying money to see you doing movies, you know?
01:24:00.000I tweeted her boyfriend at the time's mom, who happens to be Victoria Beckham, Posh Spice, and was like, hey, your son's dating an asshole.
01:26:07.000He goes, I was looking at Twitter the other day, and he goes, and then I was thinking, why am I risking the fact that something might fuck with my head or hurt my feelings?
01:27:41.000No, when there's not a picture, when it's just the eggshell or whatever, and you can create fake accounts, and you can create multiple accounts.
01:27:51.000It's just some people just have too much time on their damn hands.
01:27:56.000It's sad, and that's just fucked up when people just think...
01:28:03.000Well, they just feel like it's a free shot.
01:28:05.000Look, I would have felt the same way if I was 15. If you gave me a fucking Twitter account when I was 15 and I was frustrated at the world, I would have said the meanest shit to everyone and anyone I could have gotten a hold of.
01:28:30.000There was a really good ad for, oh God, what was it for?
01:28:35.000It was a cell phone ad and it talks to a mother, it talks to three generations of people and they talk, you know, the grandpa, what was it like when you were a kid?
01:28:41.000He's like, oh, I went outside, we caught fish.
01:28:43.000I remember getting chased by a bear and throwing a fish down just so, you know, and then I ran out of fish because the bear kept eating them, but I got away.
01:28:50.000And then he talked to the daughter and she was like, oh, we built forts when we were kids.
01:29:02.000And they show the videos to the grandparents and the parents, and they're just like, oh, this sucks!
01:29:07.000Well, a friend of mine works at Disneyland, and he said they're having a really hard time recruiting young people that know how to communicate.
01:29:14.000They don't know how to communicate with people.
01:29:16.000They're stunted because they spend so much time tweeting to each other and text messaging each other that talking to strangers, they haven't developed these common courtesy skills and just the ability to talk to people and actually be curious and that they have to tell them,
01:39:04.000One of the Mayor Pete things, he had this weird conversation with one of the journalists where he was talking about decriminalizing drugs, and the guy was like, so you would say heroin would be legal?
01:39:15.000And he goes, no, it wouldn't be legal.
01:39:17.000He goes, well, that's what decriminalizing is.
01:39:19.000There's this weird conversation where they're...
01:39:21.000I'm trying to work out the legal logistics of what's decriminalized and what's not.
01:39:25.000But it sounds totally counterproductive that if you wanted to have a healthy, happy society, you'd make cocaine and heroin legal.
01:39:33.000But the problem is, if it's not legal, then people are going to get it anyway, and they're going to get it from the fucking cartels, and they're going to get it, and it's going to be spiked.
01:43:10.000A buddy of mine who used to date a girl that liked to do speed, he said they're the best girls to have anal sex with because they never eat, so they never shit.
01:43:19.000And I was like, I didn't need you to know that.
01:48:59.000And that's always been fascinating to me is when you see like the study of the law of attraction where it's like you see something you like, how your pupils dilate and how you...
01:49:08.000How you kind of, like pheromones and weird shit.
01:51:25.000So it had pheromones in it, and every time I would wear it, women would be like, hmm, hey, you smell good.
01:51:31.000Yeah, because they probably took some fat guy and made him run on a treadmill, and then they dripped his fucking underwear into each bottle.
01:54:40.000She's, you know, there's a whole thing saying, you know, hashtag save Britney because they just feel like she's not in control of anything in her life anymore.
01:55:56.000She'll walk through her house and she does these little fashion shows where she'll put on her outfits and just spin around and you're just kind of like, what?
02:05:01.000All those people being mean to you on your Instagram, if you could find out what the median age and who these people are and what their life was like, you'd probably be like, oh, I don't even feel bad.