This week, we talk about the coronavirus, Michael Yeo, and whether or not it's a genetic predisposition, or if it's something else. We also talk about how to deal with a guy who thinks he's going to die from a strange disease, and why it might not be as bad as people think it is. And we have a special guest on the pod, Chicken Little! Cheers, and thanks for listening to this episode of Thick & Thin. -Jon Sorrentino is a writer, comedian, and podcaster based in Los Angeles, California. He's been drinking heavily for the past few years, but he's been trying to get clean and sober for the last 7 days, and it's finally paying off. He talks about how he feels about his recovery, and what it's like to be sober after a week of sobriety. He also talks about a new book he's writing, and how he's trying to figure out if he's a sickly guy or not, and if that's a good thing or not. And he talks about why he thinks it's weird that people get sick from a weird disease like this, but not like other people, like it's not genetic predispositions or something else, like the flu or the flu, or something other than a virus that's just a little bit different than what we think it's actually a genetic thing, and not something that's going around in the body. . We hope you enjoy the episode, and have a nice rest, and enjoy the rest of your week. Cheers! - Jon and Jon! -Jon and Jon and Cheers - Cheers. Jon and the crew! - Caitlyn and the team! - Jon's new book, Caitlyn's new podcast, Thick and Thin, and a lot of other stuff Jon's book, Too Effing Safe, and much more! Caitlin's new music, Too Safe, too safe, and lots of other good stuff! Jon's back in LA and Jon's podcasting, yayyyyyy! (hooray!!) - Jon s back from the road, Jon is back, and we're back in the good ol' days. - Tom's back, Jon's drunk, and he's not drunk, so he's back on the road again! - Tom s back in his own house, and so much more.
00:00:53.000You realize what a beating our lifestyle takes on your body, the travel, and then if you're boozing too, the travel and the boozing together.
00:01:02.000So we should tell everybody what we learned today.
00:01:05.000I'm revising my thinking about this virus because of Michael Yeo.
00:03:30.000It's one of those things where everyone's just sort of absorbing the information as it comes in, and you've got to be open to adjusting your opinions.
00:03:38.000My opinions were I really was concerned with old people, and I was concerned with sick people.
00:03:44.000Now, after Michael Yeo, I'm like, okay, this is not that straightforward.
00:03:47.000There might be some other crazy factors here.
00:03:51.000Like, for some people, yeah, like Idris Elba, who looks fantastic.
00:04:22.000First thing I did, I told Jamie, first thing I did, I sat up in bed and I was Googled that motherfucker, I was like, he wrote a book, didn't he?
00:05:27.000Relatively speaking compared to the fucking Savagery you do your physique to your body to your form to your being by just downing booze constantly You're great!
00:05:39.000Like most people would be really fucked up if they were in your position.
00:05:43.000That's we were all we were Marveling when you ran that marathon like this motherfucker Parties so hard, and you just ran a marathon.
00:05:59.000And the reason why you're able to endure all this booze is because you're robust.
00:06:03.000But if you didn't do the booze, man, you'd probably be a stud.
00:06:07.000Because whatever the fuck is keeping you going with all this booze, imagine what kind of, I mean, you're like pouring sugar water into a fucking 68 Charger.
00:07:31.000There's a good crop, a good crop of real comics, who honor this thing that we do, this weird thing we do.
00:07:39.000You know, it's like, what we're doing is a very strange game of saying funny, silly shit, and then trying to make each other laugh, and then, but understanding what we're doing, don't say, oh, you really mean that, or, oh, you know, you can't joke about this.
00:07:55.000Like, none of those guys will do that.
00:08:12.000It's the people that are in this thing that understand what we're doing and appreciate that.
00:08:16.000Those are the most fun people to hang out with because you never have to think about them getting upset at you for saying something.
00:08:23.000Or them taking you literally or seriously, or them not even taking you seriously, but calling you on to pretend that they're taking you seriously so that they can virtue signal.
00:08:32.000Which I've seen before, but I've never seen from anybody funny.
00:10:25.000The problem is people that take themselves too seriously or people that are under the iron fist of office politics and office behavior and business behavior.
00:10:35.000Those people get consumed Because they're there every day.
00:10:40.000And when you're there, you've got to bullshit every day.
00:10:46.000And you have to speak and behave a certain way, and you can't make jokes about anything.
00:10:50.000And sometimes you're working with girls, and you're working with guys, and everybody's flirting with each other.
00:10:56.000There's all this crazy office politics because people are trying to move up the ladder.
00:10:59.000And while they're trying to move up the ladder, they have to make sure they don't say anything that's going to sabotage their career just trying to be funny or just getting a little out of hand at the company Christmas party.
00:11:08.000You get a couple cocktails in you and ruining your career.
00:11:40.000Man, that's the craziest part about...
00:11:44.000Especially, I've gone through, my oldest daughter's in 10th grade, my youngest is in 8th, and those formative K through 5, that's the fun run of being a parent.
00:11:54.000Because you meet a lot of parents that you don't know, and you say shit, and you find out shit.
00:11:59.000I remember one time we were at drop-off, and we found out, we got an email about some, whatchamacallit, and the mom sent it from her work account, and it was a fucking porn star.
00:12:07.000And we were in drop-off, me and a couple dads watching her fuck, being like, take a look at this.
00:13:49.000That's what this, when you saw fucking Florida, all those kids going, fuck it, this is my spring break, those are people that would raw dog it with herpes and not tell you about it.
00:14:00.000I'm in this other group chat, and these comics are like, these kids are so stupid, how can they be so irresponsible, this and that, and I just type in all caps, THEY WANT TO FUCK! That's what's going on.
00:15:43.000My next-door neighbor, we've talked about this before, they were a punk rock band called Death in the Shopping Mall, and they used to play downstairs in the basement.
00:15:54.000And so they had these thick layers of carpet set up in the basement.
00:15:58.000So they had carpet all over the door, carpet all over the ceiling, many, many, many, many, many layers.
00:16:03.000And these guys would fucking go off in there, playing guitar and fucking screaming.
00:23:13.000He's abandoned his own skin, his old skin, I should say, and become a new person, like a very different new person, like a really peaceful, really friendly, really nice guy.
00:23:22.000He was always a great guy, but he's like more at ease now.
00:23:26.000I think that's what, when you said, when you were talking about me backed into a persona of boozing and whatnot, I don't know if it's that as much, but I had a conversation with Ali Wong and she said, you tour a lot.
00:26:10.000And it is, I won't talk to you about it, I'll let you watch it and enjoy it with someone who's, like, once you've seen it, there's no reason for me to tell you about it.
00:29:10.000So if you keep bears really well fed, they're probably pretty chill.
00:29:15.000And I wonder if bears are like people.
00:29:17.000I think if you feed people only vegetables, I really believe this, they probably get less aggressive.
00:29:23.000Because I think your body probably doesn't think you need to be chasing things and killing things because you're not eating animal protein.
00:29:29.000So your body's like, oh, we can just relax and stroll and just pick berries and eat grasses and stuff.
00:29:45.000I mean, here's the problem is I would love one.
00:29:49.000Yeah, I don't think you're allowed to have one for a real good reason.
00:29:52.000Because there's a lot of people that shouldn't have fucking dogs, man.
00:29:55.000You've seen bad dogs, and people have bad dogs.
00:29:58.000There's a lot of people that shouldn't have dogs, especially in LA. Yeah, well, there's a lot of people that don't train their dogs well, and their dogs are really aggressive, and they jump up on people.
00:30:09.000Imagine if it was a bear that did that.
00:31:43.000Like while he's like giving it whoever the guy was it was giving the chicken bones while he's giving this cat these bones the cat is getting really angry like really like scary like you might just Jump on you and bite you like primal shit.
00:31:55.000Yeah, they're not a regular cat dude Like if you give a regular cat a chicken bone, they'll be pumped, but they're not gonna go Yeah Crazy cat noises this thing was making.
00:32:22.000Usually, I mean, I put it on Instagram a bunch, but it'll catch rats, bring them into the house, and then let the rat go, which is exactly what I want this cat for.
00:32:29.000And to watch it hunt a rat is fucking fascinating.
00:32:43.000Yeah, that comes no matter what the cat's life is like.
00:32:48.000I had a ragdoll cat, and she was this fluffy little ball of fur, just flopped her back and get pet all the time, and that's all she was interested in, until she saw a bird.
00:34:16.000Because when they're fixed, they stop producing testosterone.
00:34:18.000There's a lot of problems with, we got our dog Priscilla fixed at a young age, a bull mastiff.
00:34:25.000And we found out later that when you get a dog fixed, a bull mastiff fixed too young, heads up to any bull mastiff owners, it can fuck with their joints.
00:34:34.000Yeah, they have to reach physical maturity.
00:35:26.000And I threw a towel or a bathrobe or something over him and I scooped him up and I fought with this cat, fought with him, and stuffed him into a laundry basket and took him to get fixed.
00:35:52.000So I had to corral him, get him into this fucking laundry basket, bring him to Dr. Craig, who was my veterinarian in Encino, before he passed.
00:37:29.000I'm like, all right, dude, we're going to get to know each other.
00:37:31.000This is the kind of shit things you do when you're 27. You don't have a girlfriend.
00:37:35.000You're like, I'm just gonna fucking live with this cat for a while, because me and this cat are gonna hang out.
00:37:39.000So I just read books for two days, locked in this bedroom with this fucking wild cat, and he would calm down for a little bit, let me purr, let me pet him, and then he would purr, and I'd let him go, and he'd hiss at me and run away.
00:42:14.000He just, it was real sad watching him age because at the end he couldn't walk and I used to have to pick him up and bring him in the house to eat and then I would carry him outside again to see if he had to go to the bathroom.
00:42:28.000But he was, at a certain point in his life, he really could only lie down.
00:43:33.000It could be, you know, maybe they find medication that, even though there's not a vaccine, there's some hope for a few different kinds of medication.
00:43:45.000I can't pronounce the name off the top of my head.
00:43:48.000And there's another one that shows promise as well.
00:43:51.000And they think that it might be possible that people could catch this and you would give them the medication, it would wipe it out.
00:43:59.000There's also, there was some speculation about Tamiflu, but I don't think there's any conclusive evidence that shows that Tamiflu helps it.
00:44:06.000But there is some, these anti-malarial medications, I think, that they think has promise.
00:44:11.000But what concerns me is that it seems to be so different with different people.
00:44:30.000I mean, not since, like, the Spanish flu.
00:44:31.000And back then, there wasn't as much transportation.
00:44:35.000There wasn't as much distribution of information, so people probably weren't as aware as we are now, you know, of all the various cases all around them all the time.
00:44:45.000Because, you know, we're hearing about cases in Italy and fucking Australia, everywhere.
00:44:49.000We're hearing about cases all over the planet.
00:44:51.000I don't think that was the case back during the Spanish Flu days.
00:44:54.000I think it was probably harder to understand what was happening.
00:45:22.000I don't know if you've been paying attention to what these senators did.
00:45:25.000There's some senators, they had a behind-closed-doors meeting about the coronavirus in China and what it could mean to the United States and, you know, the various impacts.
00:45:36.000And they went out and sold their stock.
00:45:40.000But at the same time, they were talking about how under control the government had it and how we're prepared and how it's going to be fine.
00:45:53.000They had a public face that they were giving to us to try to keep us calm.
00:45:56.000And then they had a private face, which realized that the stock market was going to take a huge loss.
00:46:02.000And so they sold everything and made immense profits based on the information that they found out from these closed-door meetings about the coronavirus.
00:46:43.000But if that's insider trading, well, what is it what the senators do?
00:46:46.000If they knew that the coronavirus is going to wreck our economy, if they knew that it was coming down like a fucking storm of hail that no one could stop, if they knew, and then they bailed out and made immense profits.
00:47:01.000It seems so shady that they didn't advise people.
00:47:04.000You're supposed to be a leader, right?
00:47:06.000If you're in a position of an elected representative, you're supposed to be acting in the position of a leader.
00:47:12.000And if your way to lead is tell people one thing but act in a completely different direction, tell people everything's going to be fine, but then start selling your stock at a profit, And you don't tell other people to do it because you're worried that maybe that information is going to cause some ripple effect and it's going to destroy the economy even before the coronavirus hits just out of panic and fear and people are going to act wrong.
00:47:32.000But you acted in a different way than the way you were talking.
00:47:36.000You acted like this shit was going to be real.
00:47:39.000You acted like this is going to be a real problem.
00:47:41.000And then the question is like how much of a problem did they think it was going to be?
00:47:44.000Maybe they dumped their stock they thought it was going to be a little problem.
00:48:15.000No, no, I would actually say that one was more real than this one.
00:48:18.000This is a, the stock market's crashed in a way that you're going like, it's based on, I mean, I know that it's for commercial businesses, their loans are going to come up and it's going to be tough for them, but at some point you're like, I wish we could just put it on freeze and go,
00:48:34.000hey, let's come back in like two months and let's start where we were.
00:49:24.000This is the big one of our lifetime, maybe the biggest one ever.
00:49:27.000Because this shit could go on for a long-ass time.
00:49:30.000This is scary too because you think of all those people who are paycheck to paycheck with waiting tables or teaching a spin class or whatever it is.
00:50:17.000For the waitstaff, you know, because the waitstaff is completely shit out of luck, and they were doing, you know, good business down there.
00:50:25.000And so those folks, I'm sure they have bills, like serious fucking bills.
00:50:30.000And it's just piling up, and there's no business, you know?
00:50:32.000I mean, they went from having this great place where you can go, and you can count on X amount of money per week, to all of a sudden, gone, and no one saw it coming.
00:51:07.000I know, but we don't find them though, because there's a lot of comics in our community that are going check to check too, you know, middle acts.
00:51:15.000Yeah, there's a lot of headliners, right?
00:51:16.000Particularly first few year headliners, where you're only making X amount per week, and you've got to pay your own flight and all that jazz.
00:51:24.000You're getting by, but you're not killing it.
00:51:26.000And then you probably have a fucking apartment that costs two grand a month or more.
00:51:30.000I mean, New York City, those guys, the fucking apartments in New York City are ridiculous.
00:52:11.000That was my spot when I lived in New York, man.
00:52:13.000It's amazing how a comic can think in another comic's level, because as soon as you said that, my two clubs, I thought of Stand Up New York and Dangerfields.
00:53:04.000So, Bill's doing his high-energy, happy act, and it's to a prom crowd and a bunch of fucking bridge and tunnel posse, and it's not getting anything.
00:53:14.000And this guy in the back goes, anything red on stage is a faggot!
00:53:23.000And Bill goes, I didn't have one pullout.
00:54:05.000If I'm talking to Brian Callen, I'll call him up.
00:54:06.000He said, no, he said, he goes, one time Joe even said my name.
00:54:14.000The one thing that made me feel vulnerable was, and you've been saying this, and I've always kind of written you off about it, going like, well, you know, whatever.
00:54:22.000You've got to get off that blood pressure medicine.
00:54:24.000The second I heard China's got all our medication, I got one month of blood pressure.
00:54:29.000I literally thought, Man, what am I doing on blood pressure medicine?
00:54:32.000Why don't I just get in shape and get healthy and get in control of my weight so I'm not dependent on a pill to come in and then if I don't have it, I have a stroke.
00:55:06.000It's one thing when you host a podcast and you have a fucking thousand of them, people want to tell you shit that you haven't heard before.
00:55:13.000So one of the things that people love to tell you is about you could die.
00:57:01.000The way you have conversations, your thoughts that are going to get viewed by millions of people shouldn't be something that you say when you have your first cup of coffee and maybe you're half on an edible coming off the flight.
00:57:15.000And you're picking up your luggage, and you didn't expect to run into TMZ. And they're like, what do you think about the coronavirus?
00:57:21.000And they're like, stop eating bats, you fucks!
00:58:00.000They were showing up at the comedy store with cameras trying to capture, like as if like, oh you got me on camera, I gotta talk to you I guess.
00:58:07.000What the news is, if you watch like local news, it's a bunch of people pointing cameras at stuff and then loosely applying journalistic ethics to see like what they talk about and what they don't and what they feed you over the next half hour and they want to be number one in the ratings because you know like Channel 7 right now is kicking our ass and I just really feel like we gotta get on the scene quicker.
00:58:31.000This is not necessarily the information.
00:58:34.000There's personalities, and jobs are at risk, and there's so many factors that are contributing and moving what you listen to and see in a certain direction.
00:59:21.000Now let's get back to murder and death and fucking thievery.
00:59:25.000I said to someone, I said, do you think that this...
00:59:29.000Coronavirus coverage is based on the news, like saying we're taking back the news and someone was like, no man, they've been getting their asses handed to them for so long by Trump that this is where they're making their money back.
00:59:40.000And then you wonder, like, I like Chris Cuomo.
01:00:24.000And when he was trying to save ego, when the guy called him Fredo, First of all, the guy that called him afraid is a cunt because that's such a shit move to do.
01:02:00.000I don't know anything about his politics.
01:02:03.000I don't know anything about what he does.
01:02:05.000But you can sort of at least gather from the way someone handles a crisis, like how they carry themselves.
01:02:12.000You gather whether or not you can trust them if shit gets crazy.
01:02:16.000And he seems to carry himself very well.
01:02:19.000It's like that's very important for just the morale of the nation in a weird way.
01:02:24.000That's why a leader is very important because when someone's a real leader and even though there's going to be people that hate them, people that are pissed at everything they do, and that's always going to be the case if you're the leader of the free world, right?
01:02:36.000But if they can somehow or another shift The way we feel about ourselves.
01:02:42.000Shift the way we feel about our community.
01:02:45.000There's like pep speeches and a really good presidential address.
01:02:48.000A really good one just gets into that feel-good spot and brings everybody together.
01:02:53.000And it really has a tangible effect on reality.
01:03:09.000He's in the biggest fucking sweepstakes on earth.
01:03:14.000Who gets to control all the thermonuclear weapons and the entire economy and everything that gets done inside the United States of America?
01:04:11.000And you're supposed to be the one guy that makes the right decisions on all of those and chooses the right people for both pandemics and the economy.
01:06:00.000I'm just trying to say for the people that will survive, we're going to understand what it's like to go through a real adversity together for the first time in a long time as a planet.
01:06:11.000Not just as the United States, not as Germany, not as Japan, not as Iraq.
01:06:17.000No, the whole thing together because it's everywhere.
01:06:21.000And the whole thing together is a giant problem for everybody that survives.
01:06:26.000And for everybody that survives, no matter how bad it gets or how good it gets or whether it morphs and changes or whether it doesn't, the people that survive, we have to learn from this.
01:06:43.000I'm learning right now, my own personal self, how I'm shifting how I view the world.
01:06:48.000That everything has to go back to me being able to do shows whenever I want, and do stand-up whenever I want, and travel wherever I want to go, and not worry about killer violence.
01:06:56.000Everything has to go back to that, because that's what I'm used to.
01:09:42.000I was trying to dig through, like, PolitiFact and all sorts of websites that, like, it took too long to find a good answer that was worth sharing.
01:09:49.000So, like, I'm going with, like, I don't know.
01:09:51.000What did you think, though, when you read it?
01:09:54.000Like, what were they specifically saying?
01:09:57.000Definitely there's different people in place, and one of the things I read along the path was that there was a meeting about possible pandemics with a team of people in an office.
01:10:07.000Those people are no longer there, though.
01:10:09.000There might be people that have replaced them because of how many people have changed over in the administration.
01:10:13.000So the people that are in those places now weren't at the meeting, so they never got those notes, basically.
01:10:26.000Like, it's interesting to see hindsight really in action where you're like, I have this comedian, this very hilarious comedian who doesn't do comedy anymore, a woman named Andy Smith.
01:14:40.000You know, now that I'm thinking about it, it might not have been Peter Attia that said that, I don't want to attribute this to him, just in case I'm wrong, that said that people that are around it more often seem to get sicker.
01:19:14.000This is more disturbing than anything we've ever seen because it's something that nobody suspected.
01:19:19.000Out of all the consequences of a global pandemic, nobody ever thought, oh no, the whole world would have to stay home and no one would ever work.
01:19:35.000But then some people have to work, right?
01:19:37.000Like supermarket people and healthcare people and firemen and all these other people that have to work.
01:19:42.000You're like, okay, so we're just kind of like kind of putting a bandaid on it, but it's all going to keep getting out, right?
01:19:48.000It's going to keep getting out if they get it.
01:19:51.000If they get it and they're in contact with people all the time, they're gonna be the bridge between people and the disease because not everybody can just stay home.
01:19:58.000It's almost like we'd have to go door to door with people with fucking hazmat suits on, delivering food, staying in your house.
01:20:04.000Everyone has to stay in their house for two weeks.
01:20:06.000It's gonna get to a point where If it keeps coming back, do they keep instituting stiffer and stiffer measures?
01:20:36.000You know, what if, like, five months later, they realize, well, what we've done is instead of, like, letting this disease blow through everybody that's going to blow through quickly, now it's, like, slowly trickled into everybody that's going to affect.
01:20:48.000Still affects the same amount of people.
01:20:50.000Still infects the same amount of people.
01:20:52.000I mean, they don't know whether or not that could possibly happen.
01:20:55.000They're hoping that it wouldn't, but it could flare up again.
01:21:17.000The star that powers the solar system itself has a finite lifespan, and things have changed so much.
01:21:25.000Even though all those things exist, we still want to pretend that the world's going to be the way it is right now forever.
01:21:31.000I think this is not good for us in that people are going to die and people are going to get sick, but it might be the survivors of it might experience a shift in the understanding of what it is to be alive.
01:21:50.000Life is not about fame or money or getting your point to be the one that gets accepted by everybody or arguing with the left or arguing with the right.
01:23:23.000It weighs with me because I'm a little older and I feel like I'm...
01:23:27.000I'm allowing myself to change in a grateful way of like seeing things and noticing things that maybe I didn't notice because I lived in Florida.
01:23:37.000I hope kids, my kids, put their phones down and want to interact and want to, you know, and be like, I had a month on my fucking, two months on my phone.
01:23:56.000You know, another level that this could drop is if the grid goes down.
01:24:01.000You know, there's things that we rely on that we don't even think twice about hitting that light switch and knowing that all that juice would be powering all these lights and that my refrigerator is going to stay on and that, you know, I'm going to keep being able to charge my Tesla every night.
01:24:59.000We don't live that long, and we forgot that all this shit happened, and we thought that because, you know, from my life from 67 to 2002, there was nothing like this.
01:25:11.000Things like this don't happen, but they do.
01:25:13.000It's amazing how many people have called me about guns, because I do a bit about guns in this new special, and everyone's like, hey man, get me your gun guy.
01:30:30.000If there was a supplement that you could take that would actually increase your bone density, do you know how popular that supplement would be?
01:30:39.000Everybody would want to take something that actually increases your bone density and makes you less vulnerable to breaking your leg if you fall down.
01:30:45.000That's when shit goes sideways is when you're 65 and you break a hip.
01:30:54.000And the best way to do that is by picking up heavy things.
01:30:57.000During this isolation period though, one of the things you can do, especially because we're assuming this is only going to last like a month or two, we're hoping.
01:31:06.000One of the things you can do is you could do a lot of fucking calisthenics.
01:31:11.000You know, you can do significant numbers of push-ups and bodyweight squats, and if you have a chin-up bar, just a chin-up bar that you fit inside a doorway is perfect.
01:31:36.000But if you just get a regular chin-up bar, just a chin-up bar, push-ups, sit-ups, doing a bunch of different bodyweight exercises like pistols and one-legged squats and different yoga routines,
01:34:12.000First of all, the right way to do a push-up, I'm not being a stickler, but legitimately for your own body, Dr. Oz is actually doing it better in that he has his elbows closer to his body.
01:34:23.000Like your hands in front of you and this.
01:34:25.000And this is a good motion for your shoulders.
01:34:28.000A lot of people think that this is not a good motion.
01:34:31.000That this elbow out, it's a different thing and maybe it might be better to do it the way Mark Wahlberg is where you're not going up all the way.
01:35:13.000Neither one of them are doing real push-ups.
01:35:15.000But Marky Mark, you know that Marky Mark can bang the fuck out of push-ups.
01:35:19.000They probably decided they're going for numbers, and he can't lose to Dr. Oz by doing legit push-ups while Dr. Oz is doing those bullshit push-ups.
01:38:52.000There's a consequence of driving on the road where you can't see where you're going because the road doesn't exist anymore because there's so much snow.
01:39:19.000Well, I had it until I was seven, and then I had it again when I was 13. So all those years of living in California and Florida, obviously I never saw snow.
01:39:28.000I saw snow one time when I was in San Francisco, I remember.
01:41:03.000But John and I were on the roof, because John was dating my sister, and we were watching cars slide down this frozen street and slam it into curbs.
01:41:14.000Every car that went down the street was fucked, because they didn't know it was all black guys.
01:42:01.000No, it was cars just bouncing off the curb.
01:42:04.000And so we called the cops and we told them, hey, there's all these cars, like two cars in a row have come down this hill and they're bouncing off the curbs.
01:42:12.000And so the cops came down the hill and they fucking bounced off the curbs.
01:43:02.000Like, that was one of the ways we made money.
01:43:04.000Like, you get pumped when it snowed out because you could charge people.
01:43:08.000So you would go to this lady's house, and you know, you knew she couldn't shovel this fucking long-ass driveway, and you'd make a negotiation.
01:43:15.000Like, when I'm looking at it, I'm trying to figure out, like, I'm trying to do my math.
01:44:43.000Dude, you know how many old ladies hurt themselves trying to shovel their way out of their house every year in cold climates when they don't have someone like a support system, like a son or someone to come visit them and help them?
01:44:54.000A lot of guys that I know that are East Coast guys that live in the neighborhood of their family or anywhere near their family, like it's almost like understood.
01:45:02.000When it snows out, you go over to your mother-in-law's house and you dig her out because she's stuck.
01:45:10.000I think that it's dangerous and it's definitely an added fucker of life where you come to California and you're like, thank God there's no snow!
01:45:18.000And that's how I was when I first moved here.
01:51:31.000When that story went viral, it was because my shirt was off that people recognized it.
01:51:36.000And I think, I was saying this, I think it's the thing where, like, when big government puts an entity in front of you, like when Showtime puts that in front of you and you have the remote, you go, ah, fuck that guy.
01:52:32.000And I was a ride-or-die motherfucker, like, because I found it.
01:52:35.000But if you put podcasts, like, when these guys say, and I'm not going to shit on them, but people sign big deals with podcasts, and then podcast company goes, new podcast!
01:53:28.000Yeah, John Dudley is like, he gets a call from you and he's like, ah, Rogan's calling, I'll take it.
01:53:33.000What do you need to know about Bo's setup, brother?
01:53:36.000With him it was like such an interesting shift because when I'd known him before he was smoking cigarettes and then I met him, no actually I met him after he had stopped smoking cigarettes.
01:53:49.000I knew of him when he was smoking when he was on his television show and then he had his daughter and when he had his daughter he stopped smoking.
01:53:57.000But I remember reading that he decided to take statins Oh my god.
01:55:25.000But there was something about that fucking look that he had when he was at that place that was like you just wanted to talk to him because he knew he had some shit to say.
01:55:34.000God, man, what a fucking brilliant mind, too.
01:55:36.000My wife was, before I started watching him, my wife read Kitchen Confidentials.
01:56:43.000Ancient civilizations, and it was all about how there's a massive amount of evidence that points to the possibility that Earth experienced some sort of a cataclysmic disaster somewhere in the neighborhood of 12,000 years ago.
01:57:02.000And that all the stuff that we see in these older civilizations, it's really complex and confusing.
01:57:09.000The reason why it happened and there's just like this down period and this up period again afterwards is because a giant percentage of the population was wiped out by an asteroid that they can prove hit.
01:57:21.000And he's been proven more and more and more correct as time went on.
01:57:26.000And for me, just as a fan of that subject, because just what we're experiencing now with this pandemic and just with life in general, we love to think that things are static and nothing's static.
01:57:37.000And there's nothing sadder than someone who doesn't recognize that they're not static anymore, right?
01:57:41.000There's nothing sadder than a woman who's in her 80s who still puts on too much makeup.
01:57:45.000Or, you know, or a guy that's that age is still doing push-ups on the front lawn and flexing for the neighbors.
01:59:21.000It was like a shift in the fucking universes of like, I remember going to your house, I always say this is one of my favorite stories, the way I met you is the last way you should meet Joe.
01:59:31.000I went up to your house, you were at the door already, and you were like, hey man, I go, hey man, big fan, I gotta see the deprivation tank, your dog, and the pool table, then we need to get high, and then I'm ready to do this.
01:59:40.000And you were like, caught off guard, you're like, okay.
01:59:42.000You took me back, I met Johnny Cash, you took me down to the deprivation tank, We played around a pool, went out to that back where the swing set and the chickens ended up being.
02:00:34.000And I go, hey guys, it's not a stage story.
02:00:36.000This dude in the front row, death squad, ride or die.
02:00:39.000Death squad, covered head to toe, goes, hey Bert, we understand it's not going to be funny, but you've got to tell it if you're going to want it to be good.
02:08:33.000I feel like there's no way we would ever be able to understand what life was like Being a bunch of dudes who were world famous, wearing makeup, mocked, openly mocked by so many members of the music community,
02:10:54.000And he grabs two shots, and he hands me one, and then he grabs his, and he takes his back when the improv had candles, and he does a shot of a candle, whacks all over his lips, and he goes, I took the wrong one!
02:12:18.000He's the only reason why I've ever been in any movies.
02:12:21.000Well, I did some terrible movies that nobody saw before, but the movies that I did once I didn't need to do anything anymore in terms of acting was his movies.
02:14:42.000Like, when he put that out, it meant so much to me because I thought I put out my dance video and everyone made fun of it and we watched it and we giggled.
02:14:51.000But the fact that it inspired Tom to drop $80,000, whatever he spent.
02:17:08.000I could eat only meat, but I'm not even thinking about that right now.
02:17:12.000What I'm thinking about right now is making sure that I make the right decisions with everything that I do from here out because I think we're in unsung territory.
02:19:00.000If you have higher expectations of yourself, if you want to express yourself in the most accurate way, the best at being comfortable in your own skin, the only way you can do that is by yourself.
02:19:12.000You can't have some fucking giant bankrolled machine with hundreds of employees all with their job riding on whether or not you say the N-word.
02:20:35.000When they're doing those speeches, when they're standing in front of a podium, doing that thing with their thumb and doing their best Barack Obama impression, you're literally putting on an act.
02:21:38.000Oh, that would be so fucking awesome if he leaned into it.
02:21:42.000Well, if he was just who he actually was, right?
02:21:45.000Like, when you're doing a show like that, like something like the Today Show, one of the reasons why people are so angry is because you've been pretending.
02:21:52.000You're this, like, wholesome character all this time.
02:23:53.000If you're driving around town in a fucking 2001 Honda Accord and you see someone step out of a Bugatti Veyron that you know costs a million dollars, you're like, holy shit!
02:24:07.000There's certain things that you see that you just get really jealous of, not because you would actually want them, but because they're so unattainable.
02:27:21.000Like, so good on so many levels that I've seen them all, and we just, the first week of Pandemia, we just watched all of them all over again.
02:27:42.000And I'm telling you, as someone who talks to crazy people all the time, and talking to him, he's as remarkably put together as you could ever expect a person to be that's as famous as he is.
02:29:23.000Like, that's not a normal development.
02:29:26.000Congratulations to him for making it to be as normal as he is.
02:29:30.000So he's with this guy, who is one of the worst, with the claws or fingers, and then he becomes Edward Scissorhands, who's just kind of confused.
02:29:38.000What a stretch as a character, too, to play that as this confused...
02:29:42.000My nickname in college was Edward Penis Lips.
02:29:48.000You know another weird thing that he did?
02:30:09.000But then I started reading things about it online, and one of the things I started reading about it is that Johnny Depp played a Comanche in this movie and actually did some weird shit.
02:30:19.000He had a stuffed bird on his head, which apparently some of the Comanches and some different Indian tribes would actually do.
02:33:45.000I'm thinking, like, for all of us, like, what better way to turn this into a positive than to, like, just make some sort of healthy competition out of it, a la Sober October.
02:36:29.000No one can say it's going to be this or it's going to be that.
02:36:32.000And I've heard a lot of people that try to either comfort people...
02:36:35.000Or they try to push their point across, almost as if they can win this argument, then it's more likely to be true and it's comforting in some sort of a weird way.
02:37:06.000Obviously not for the people that are the victims of the disease.
02:37:10.000But we can be okay coming out of this.
02:37:11.000And it could be a wake-up call for people to stop living these lives that are unsatisfying and figure out a way where we stop chasing bullshit.
02:39:03.000When all the bullshit goes away, when everyone's worried about an invisible monster that wants to kill your grandma, wants to sneak into her lungs and shut them down, when people are worried about that kind of shit, you really want someone who has their character and order.
02:39:22.000This is one of the things that we should really take deeply into consideration when we talk about someone being a president.
02:39:29.000Or any politician, anyone who's a leader.
02:39:32.000How are they going to react when shit goes sideways?
02:39:36.000How are they going to keep it together?
02:39:38.000Are they going to make you feel good about the reality of this world?
02:39:43.000Or are they going to just freak you out with bullshit?
02:39:46.000Are they going to make you feel less connected to it because you know that their words are not honest?
02:41:48.000But dude, The Rock, when The Rock goes off-brand and he goes, listen, you weak-ass bitches, listen, motherfuckers, I get my heart skips of beats.
02:41:55.000When he pours a tequila and you're like, wait, it's the middle of the afternoon.
02:43:52.000Yeah, I watched videos of him play, and I was like, oh, this guy plays like a pro.
02:43:56.000He plays like, if you're watching any real professional play, if you ever catch ESPN nine-ball events, like Johnny Archer playing Earl Strickland or Shane Van Boning, he plays like those guys.
02:46:41.000See, whenever we try to make your motivation for anything or your reason for success a binary thing, a one or a zero, it's like, there's a lot of factors.
02:46:53.000A lot of factors, heartbreak could lead people to success.
02:46:58.000Some guys get their heart broken and they just go, oh, okay, I'm going to show you.
02:47:03.000Time to teach everyone who didn't want to fuck me that they wanted to fuck me and they didn't know it.
02:47:08.000Or time to teach someone who says that you're a loser.
02:47:11.000Someone who used to love and they chastise you and say you're a loser and you're like, oh, you think so?
02:47:16.000Okay, well, I'll check in with you in about six years and we'll see how this works out.
02:47:22.000There's girls I want to give trophies to.
02:48:04.000But sometimes you have to feel bad to make changes.
02:48:07.000But so sometimes fat shaming can be like the most valuable thing anybody could ever do to you, but you don't want anybody to do it to anybody.
02:49:53.000What happened was, the next one I rolled into, like, no big thing, and you did a hike with Marshall, and I did a hike without a dog, and I pretended I lost my dog.
02:50:02.000But the whole joke was that I lost my dog, but I was like, Joe, you do one mile, I do two.
02:50:26.000It was so fucking aggressive that all the fun that I rolled into when Tom and I did the weight loss challenge and I just drank the whole time and lost like 40 pounds.
02:50:36.000All that fun got so lost in the Sober October.
02:51:30.000I remember, but there's an attachment I have to whatever that focus is, where I go, I do it for specials, where I get so dialed in, it's really unhealthy.
02:51:41.000But it's not, because that's how you create something great.
02:51:43.000Like, when you do a special, I know how much energy you put into it and how much you think about it.
02:52:02.000I want to show, like, my big fucking white whale was like that Starbucks bit I do where I go, do you see that one where I mentioned your name?
02:52:11.000And I go, that's, for me, and this is like way overthinking it, this guy walks into a bar.
02:52:16.000It was an homage to an old school joke, but present in the way I tell stories.
02:52:54.000And I think it's worth it for you giving in to that obsession so that the audience can experience a really well-crafted, really rockin' joke.
02:53:51.000You gotta realize, if you're seeing a special over and over and over and over and over again, all the surprise is gone.
02:53:57.000So you're just analyzing the mechanics of the bits, and maybe I did this one better in the first show, but that one better in the second show.
02:54:08.000But you're not experiencing what it's like to not know where you're going.
02:54:12.000The audience is the only one that gets to experience that.
02:54:21.000When you're in the audience watching a special, you're getting 100%.
02:54:25.000If you're at home watching on Netflix, you might get 70. I don't think you really get 70. You probably get 60. You probably get 60% of what it's like to be in the room.
02:54:34.000Because as a human, there's something about laughing in a room full of 2,000 other people that are laughing.
02:55:17.000I couldn't tell because I'm looking down on this thing.
02:55:19.000That's what it's like when you're in the audience of a comedy club, is like being there versus watching it on Netflix, which is like Google Maps.
02:56:26.000Like going like, what's up UCLA? Like everyone at home is like, dude, dial your shit down.
02:56:30.000I learned so much after watching Tig that I went, don't play for the people in the room.
02:56:35.000Play for them in the room, but make sure, be cognizant that you're making this for a television show.
02:56:40.000I don't know whether she meant to do that on purpose or not, but man, I watched her settle in that premium blend and she murdered and I bombed on TV. And I was like, yeah, don't go in and go, what's up Jacksonville?
02:56:52.000Wait a minute, so you murdered in person but bombed on TV? Bombed on TV because my energy was so high.
02:58:37.000We live in a way that's only sustainable if the super fragile system stays in place.
02:58:42.000I mean, it's robust in terms that it handles millions and millions of people, but it's fragile in the sense that One gigantic solar flare could wipe it out.
03:04:19.000So I went down there and I saw this little thing and she was trapped.
03:04:21.000And the LA animal shelter, at least at the time, the place that I'm thinking about, I'm not sure if I'm getting the name right, was a no-kill shelter.
03:04:29.000They keep an animal alive for a long time.
03:04:31.000So she had been inside this place for several months and she was really kind of weirded out.
03:04:37.000By being in jail for that long and not getting a lot of human contact and someone I took her home and I would pet her and love her, she would get really aggressive with the other dogs to keep them away from her because she didn't get enough love when she was younger.
03:04:51.000So now that she's finally getting love, love was so valuable that other dogs, she didn't think of other dogs as being her friends.
03:05:01.000So there was a couple different instances that happened, and one of them happened when the pool guy had apparently come over.
03:05:08.000And then the pool guy was petting both dogs, and one dog attacked my female, my little female, attacked the bigger male to keep him away from getting petted.
03:05:31.000This dog had been a prisoner for a giant chunk of its little life, and by the time I got it home, it just was not tolerating any bullshit, and it had this attitude no matter what.
03:06:03.000Yeah, because my other two dogs were not like that at all.
03:06:06.000One of them, I had him since he was a puppy, and the other one, I got her right around the time that he was a puppy, and she was only maybe a year old herself, and she was another rescue dog I got, and they were best friends.
03:08:24.000Yeah, she got out, but we didn't know she fell in.
03:08:26.000She just came in, and you could see this in this dog's eyes, like, just, you have no fucking idea what happened.
03:08:31.000Soaking wet, and we're like, how did you get wet?
03:08:34.000And then you see she fell in off the steps, and then found her way out, but man, you think, you gotta teach the dog the way out of the pool.
03:08:41.000Yeah, so you've got to teach them the way out of the pool, and hopefully you've got to have a dog-friendly pool.
03:08:45.000There's more than one ladder somewhere.
03:08:48.000You don't want to have a pool where you have to take the dog out yourself.
03:10:39.000Have you seen the one where there's a treat or a ball hanging from a tree?
03:10:45.000And so this Belgian Malinois jumps, runs up the side of the trunk of the tree, and then leaps sideways like 20 feet in the air to snatch this ball.
03:17:21.000I mean, you can assume from some guys, because you trust their reputation, that they're really good at raising dogs, but it's not the same relationship as when you raise a dog from the time it's a puppy.
03:18:34.000What sucks is where we're at now with this puppy, where it's still a puppy, but it's big, and you're like, yo, you cannot just jump up on the fucking bed and fucking just...
03:19:08.000Dude, I'll be taking his shit, and this dog will walk in the closet, grab a shoe, and just walk out, look at me, and go, oh, sorry, I didn't know you were here.
03:20:27.000Yes, just we're not making out anymore and I hope you guys at home listen and stay safe and Burt Kreischer, Hey Big Boy is available right now.