The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1447

00:00:00.000 Hey, ball hog.

00:00:01.000 Hey, buddy.

00:00:04.000 What's going on?

00:00:06.000 Dude, you know what I had today?

00:00:07.000 Duck eggs.

00:00:08.000 Duck eggs?

00:00:09.000 You don't need them.

00:00:10.000 No?

00:00:10.000 You don't need them in your life.

00:00:12.000 No good?

00:00:12.000 There's a reason why they sell chicken eggs.

00:00:14.000 And not duck eggs?

00:00:14.000 They tricked me.

00:00:15.000 I'm like, oh, duck eggs.

00:00:17.000 Where did you get duck eggs?

00:00:18.000 Berwan.

00:00:19.000 Oh yeah, I go to Air One.

00:00:20.000 Yeah.

00:00:21.000 I'm like, oh, duck eggs!

00:00:22.000 And tastes notably shitty?

00:00:24.000 Ugh.

00:00:24.000 Really?

00:00:25.000 Yeah, like gooey.

00:00:26.000 Like it sticks to the roof of your mouth.

00:00:28.000 Is that smaller, too?

00:00:29.000 No, they're bigger.

00:00:30.000 They're bigger.

00:00:31.000 Ducks are...

00:00:32.000 Maybe quail eggs I've had.

00:00:34.000 Yeah, those are good.

00:00:34.000 Those are good, and they're small.

00:00:35.000 Yeah, they're really little.

00:00:36.000 Because quail are tiny.

00:00:38.000 But ducks are big fucks.

00:00:39.000 Yeah, they are.

00:00:40.000 They shit out some big eggs.

00:00:41.000 And they're nasty.

00:00:42.000 Really?

00:00:43.000 They like stick to your mouth, like...

00:00:45.000 And did you fry it?

00:00:47.000 Same way?

00:00:47.000 Same way.

00:00:48.000 Like a loose yolk or no?

00:00:49.000 Like easy yolk?

00:00:50.000 Yeah.

00:00:50.000 It's like regular yolk, but the yolk sticks to your mouth.

00:00:53.000 All right.

00:00:53.000 It stays inside your mouth.

00:00:55.000 It sounds like a ball hog.

00:00:56.000 Yeah, it's not.

00:00:57.000 I don't recommend it.

00:00:58.000 I'm feeding the rest of them to my dog, I think.

00:01:00.000 Really?

00:01:01.000 He loves them.

00:01:01.000 Loves eggs?

00:01:02.000 He loves eggs, yeah.

00:01:03.000 Marshall does.

00:01:03.000 Yeah, I crack open an egg and mix it in with his kibble sometimes.

00:01:06.000 That's awesome.

00:01:07.000 Yeah, most of the time I feed him.

00:01:09.000 Either he gets a little bit of kibble and some elk meat.

00:01:13.000 I give him ground elk meat or some other kind of meat.

00:01:16.000 Marshall's spoiled.

00:01:17.000 He eats well.

00:01:18.000 That's awesome, dude.

00:01:19.000 He's a happy dog.

00:01:20.000 Yeah, I think everyone loves Marshall.

00:01:22.000 Have you met him?

00:01:23.000 Yeah, I met him.

00:01:24.000 You met him here, right?

00:01:24.000 A couple times, yeah.

00:01:25.000 He's the sweetest dog in the world.

00:01:27.000 Yeah, adorable.

00:01:27.000 I didn't even know the dogs were like that.

00:01:30.000 Yeah, no, it's a special dog.

00:01:31.000 It's Golden Retrievers, man.

00:01:33.000 They're smart, too.

00:01:34.000 They're real smart.

00:01:34.000 I have a fucking box of sand as a dog, but she's adorable.

00:01:38.000 She's sweet, but she's dumb and shit.

00:01:40.000 What is she?

00:01:41.000 Brussels Griffon.

00:01:42.000 I don't even know what that is.

00:01:43.000 Looks like an Ewok.

00:01:44.000 Oh, I do know what that is.

00:01:46.000 Flat face.

00:01:47.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:01:48.000 Yeah.

00:01:48.000 That's an odd choice.

00:01:49.000 Is that your wife's choice?

00:01:50.000 Of course.

00:01:51.000 Yeah.

00:01:52.000 Broads.

00:01:52.000 They get you.

00:01:53.000 They get you with the dog choice.

00:01:54.000 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:01:55.000 I mean, it's a sweet little dog, but...

00:01:57.000 They basically want a baby that they don't care too much if it dies.

00:02:05.000 I think she'd be pretty sad if this one died.

00:02:07.000 Yeah, she'd be pretty sad, but not like baby sad.

00:02:10.000 No, fuck no.

00:02:11.000 No.

00:02:12.000 It's like a baby that you know you only have to take care of for like 14 years.

00:02:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:02:17.000 We talk about it sometimes.

00:02:18.000 Like, I love you so much.

00:02:19.000 I'll say it to the dog, and I know you won't be here long, you know?

00:02:23.000 Yeah.

00:02:23.000 I know.

00:02:24.000 She's pretty young, though.

00:02:25.000 So I think if we're lucky, she'll have a good run.

00:02:27.000 I lost a dog last year.

00:02:28.000 That was terrible.

00:02:29.000 Yeah.

00:02:30.000 I lost a dog two years ago.

00:02:32.000 It's rough.

00:02:33.000 I lost two dogs in a row.

00:02:34.000 Well, they both were so old, they couldn't walk anymore.

00:02:37.000 Man.

00:02:38.000 It was horrible.

00:02:39.000 Our guy had a heart condition, and we were giving him all the meds, and he was just on a decline.

00:02:43.000 And I was on the road.

00:02:44.000 When he died, I just was kind of stunned.

00:02:49.000 I had to keep doing the shows, obviously, right?

00:02:52.000 It was like a long weekend of shows.

00:02:54.000 Then when I got back, I fucking broke down.

00:02:58.000 Yeah, it really fucks you up.

00:03:00.000 It's a weird relationship, humans and animals, you know?

00:03:03.000 Yeah.

00:03:04.000 And especially like if you, do you grow up with dogs?

00:03:07.000 Yeah.

00:03:07.000 So it's like, it really becomes like, it feels weird when you don't have a dog around.

00:03:11.000 For me.

00:03:12.000 I've always had a dog.

00:03:13.000 Yeah.

00:03:13.000 I've always had cats and dogs.

00:03:15.000 Always.

00:03:15.000 Most of my life.

00:03:16.000 Yeah.

00:03:17.000 Either like, when I was living in an apartment in New York, I had a cat.

00:03:21.000 In Boston, I had a cat.

00:03:23.000 And then when, as soon as I got to LA, I got dogs.

00:03:26.000 Yeah.

00:03:27.000 As soon as I got to the yard, I'm like, alright, I'm getting a dog.

00:03:29.000 It's the best.

00:03:29.000 It's like the first thing I thought of.

00:03:30.000 They're the best.

00:03:31.000 Not only that, they bark when someone's coming near your fucking house.

00:03:34.000 It's true.

00:03:34.000 They are really, and they have that extra system in them, you know, that level of sensitivity to sound and smell that like, when they start, you're like, what are you talking about?

00:03:44.000 Yeah, they see things.

00:03:45.000 Like when I was having coyote problems, I took Marshall out, even when he was pretty young.

00:03:50.000 He was like six, seven months old.

00:03:52.000 I took him out and he was just like...

00:03:54.000 And I'm like, what are you freaking out about?

00:03:57.000 And then I turn and look and I see these eyeballs moving through the trees outside the chicken coop.

00:04:01.000 I'm like, you little cunts.

00:04:02.000 It's fucking, yeah.

00:04:03.000 Little coyote cunts.

00:04:04.000 Coyotes are such fuckers, man.

00:04:07.000 They're such fuckers.

00:04:08.000 I lived in, you know, in this neighborhood where...

00:04:11.000 Pull out of your driveway, noon.

00:04:13.000 Yeah.

00:04:13.000 Standing in the middle of the street.

00:04:15.000 Oh, yeah.

00:04:16.000 Looking around.

00:04:16.000 Yeah.

00:04:16.000 Well, where Whitney lives, in Woodland Hills?

00:04:19.000 Yeah.

00:04:19.000 Yeah, is that that area?

00:04:20.000 She lived down the street from me.

00:04:21.000 Bro, her area's infested.

00:04:23.000 She's got dogs, like three or four dogs, in the yard barking, and these coyotes don't give a fuck.

00:04:28.000 Did you see that video where the pack came into her house, or into her yard?

00:04:32.000 Yeah.

00:04:33.000 There's like six of them.

00:04:34.000 Yeah.

00:04:34.000 Yeah, that neighborhood.

00:04:36.000 They're sketchy.

00:04:37.000 I told her to get a subsonic.22 and just start taking them out.

00:04:41.000 She wouldn't even put them down.

00:04:46.000 Put a little bait out there.

00:04:49.000 What's the city rules about taking out a coyote?

00:04:51.000 The city rules, you keep your fucking mouth shut.

00:04:53.000 Yeah, you just kill that coyote.

00:04:55.000 Shoot, shovel, and shut up.

00:04:58.000 Coyotes, is there any upside?

00:05:01.000 Do they handle anything?

00:05:01.000 Yes, rats.

00:05:02.000 Rats.

00:05:03.000 Oh yeah, man, they're great with rats.

00:05:05.000 So are owls, and owls are way cooler than coyotes.

00:05:07.000 And then owls don't eat your larger dog.

00:05:11.000 They'll eat the fuck out of your cat, though.

00:05:13.000 They sure will.

00:05:14.000 Owls will eat everything.

00:05:15.000 I saw an owl flying with a rabbit, a big-ass rabbit, and his claws once.

00:05:20.000 They're so vicious.

00:05:21.000 Owls are so vicious.

00:05:22.000 Yeah.

00:05:23.000 And they're such scary hunters.

00:05:25.000 I know.

00:05:26.000 At night, the head spins around.

00:05:28.000 Have you ever seen that video?

00:05:29.000 There's a nest video of these hawks that are in a tree, and this owl comes out and snatches one of the hawks and flies away.

00:05:35.000 And you just, from a distance, are like, what is that?

00:05:37.000 Right?

00:05:38.000 You're talking about the one where- The eyeballs.

00:05:39.000 Yeah.

00:05:40.000 And then all of a sudden it's like, bam!

00:05:41.000 And it goes, bam!

00:05:42.000 And it's just gone.

00:05:42.000 Yeah.

00:05:43.000 Yeah.

00:05:43.000 They're fucking monsters.

00:05:45.000 Freaky.

00:05:45.000 Freaky animals, man.

00:05:47.000 And we think of them as being these wise, like professors of the woods for some strange reason.

00:05:54.000 Dude, have you ever heard Matt Bronger's owl bit?

00:05:57.000 No.

00:05:57.000 It is one of the funniest things.

00:05:59.000 Is it really?

00:05:59.000 Yeah, this is like the bit that he first, like his early on, you know, getting his first big joke that broke.

00:06:10.000 It was on Letterman and he was on Comedy Central with it.

00:06:13.000 It is hilarious.

00:06:14.000 I gotta see it.

00:06:15.000 I gotta see it.

00:06:17.000 Owls are one of those weird animals that we have this very strange relationship with where we don't know what they really are.

00:06:24.000 Bears are another one.

00:06:26.000 We have this distorted perception.

00:06:28.000 Did you see that video that was going around about that guy who got his face literally eaten off by a grizzly and then he shot the grizzly when it was on top of him?

00:06:35.000 No.

00:06:36.000 Oh, dude.

00:06:37.000 Have you seen it, Jamie?

00:06:38.000 Yeah.

00:06:40.000 He's talking while his face is gone.

00:06:45.000 He's talking about like you could see one eye through this mass.

00:06:50.000 I mean if Jamie shakes his head like that.

00:06:52.000 I'm going to show it to you real quick.

00:06:53.000 God damn it.

00:06:55.000 Wait, there's video of the...

00:06:57.000 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, of his face.

00:06:58.000 Of the attack too?

00:07:00.000 No, it's right after the attack the guy that was with him started filming it and it's just one of those things where, okay, so this is the bear and this is the guy and that's his face.

00:07:13.000 And this is him talking.

00:07:15.000 Where are you seeing this?

00:07:18.000 Nah, I'm good.

00:07:20.000 I'm good.

00:07:22.000 I'm good.

00:07:23.000 Is it on Instagram?

00:07:25.000 Yes.

00:07:30.000 Bro, the thing chewed his face up.

00:07:32.000 That's him now?

00:07:33.000 That's what he looks like now.

00:07:33.000 They rebuilt his face.

00:07:35.000 That's incredible.

00:07:36.000 Who's that doctor?

00:07:38.000 Well, you saw the chimp victim lady.

00:07:41.000 Yeah.

00:07:42.000 Her face was all hanging off.

00:07:43.000 It's gone.

00:07:43.000 Well, that chimp worked on her for a while.

00:07:45.000 Did you see the tree trimming accident video?

00:07:47.000 Go lower there, Jamie.

00:07:48.000 Go lower.

00:07:49.000 Scroll down.

00:07:52.000 What?

00:07:53.000 Tree trimming?

00:07:53.000 What?

00:07:54.000 You've never seen that?

00:07:55.000 What are you talking about?

00:07:56.000 Dude.

00:07:57.000 And you get to see the live footage.

00:08:00.000 Oh, where the tree goes into the guy's face?

00:08:02.000 And splits his whole fucking head wide open.

00:08:05.000 Yes.

00:08:05.000 And then they show him in the hospital.

00:08:08.000 Yeah.

00:08:09.000 And you can see, even in his completely destroyed face, the panic.

00:08:14.000 He knows how serious his situation is.

00:08:17.000 Yeah.

00:08:18.000 I mean...

00:08:19.000 They were, I don't know, I haven't seen the post-surgery stuff, but that dude, a tree just like perfect, he cut, he was trimming, and like he just cut it and it just perfectly swung.

00:08:30.000 And it swung and hit him right in the face.

00:08:30.000 And split his whole fucking face open.

00:08:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:08:33.000 Oof.

00:08:34.000 Oh my god.

00:08:35.000 Yeah.

00:08:35.000 That's rough, man.

00:08:36.000 That's a rough look right there.

00:08:38.000 That's a rough look.

00:08:39.000 It's amazing how well they put that guy back together.

00:08:40.000 If I was him, I would just be the punisher for grizzly bears.

00:08:43.000 I'd just load up every year with a million rounds of ammo and just go hunting bears.

00:08:49.000 Fuck you.

00:08:50.000 Have you hunted a bear?

00:08:51.000 Yeah, black bears.

00:08:53.000 Not grizzly bears.

00:08:55.000 Yeah.

00:08:55.000 Yeah, we don't...

00:08:56.000 We have this image of them because of teddy bears.

00:08:59.000 Because kids have them.

00:09:01.000 You know, they love them.

00:09:02.000 Little teddy bears.

00:09:02.000 And brown bears are the biggest, right?

00:09:03.000 Yes.

00:09:04.000 Polar bears, brown bears, and then...

00:09:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:09:06.000 Yeah, because, I mean, a brown bear can stand up and be, what, like nine feet tall or something?

00:09:10.000 Even bigger.

00:09:10.000 Eleven.

00:09:11.000 Really?

00:09:11.000 Yeah, Kodiak.

00:09:13.000 The really big ones in Kodiak.

00:09:14.000 And they can just, in a swipe, just decapitate you.

00:09:16.000 My friend watched a bear kill a moose with one swat, broke its back.

00:09:22.000 He watched it chase this moose through a scope, was looking at it through a spotting scope, which is like a super powerful telescope that you could look at, you know, like a mile away, you can watch things happen.

00:09:35.000 And this bear just swat, hit this moose in the back and snapped its back.

00:09:41.000 What kind of fucking power you have to snap a moose's back and then just tore it apart?

00:09:46.000 I mean, how powerful is that animal?

00:09:49.000 It's a big fucking animal, man.

00:09:51.000 You know, you're talking about a 1,500-pound just ball of muscle and fat.

00:09:56.000 I just thought about sometimes, like, you know, because you know a lot of, obviously, like, trained fighters, and that equation always plays in your head.

00:10:05.000 What if, like, trained fighters, people...

00:10:08.000 Don't realize sometimes how much that training puts that person at an incredible advantage in a fight, right?

00:10:16.000 Like your average guy trying to get that smoke with a trained fighter is a problem, right?

00:10:23.000 But at a certain point, what's the equation where All the training doesn't matter.

00:10:29.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:10:30.000 For size?

00:10:31.000 Yeah, size and strength.

00:10:32.000 Like, how big of a giant and how powerful does he have to be where all your training wouldn't matter?

00:10:40.000 It depends on what kind of training you do.

00:10:42.000 Like, with jujitsu, it's a pretty big advantage.

00:10:46.000 Right.

00:10:47.000 With jujitsu, I've tapped guys that are 100 pounds heavier than me.

00:10:51.000 Right.

00:10:51.000 Which is crazy.

00:10:52.000 That is crazy, yeah.

00:10:53.000 But I would never strike with a guy that's 100 pounds heavier than me.

00:10:55.000 Because that would just, yeah.

00:10:57.000 You'd get killed.

00:10:58.000 Yeah.

00:10:58.000 Because even through your gloves, you keep your gloves up and some 300 pound guy clubs you with a right hand.

00:11:03.000 Yeah.

00:11:04.000 It's just like, your whole brain gets rattled.

00:11:06.000 Right.

00:11:06.000 You can tap a 300 pound guy though, as long as he doesn't throw you on the ground.

00:11:10.000 The problem is he picks you up in the air and throws you on the ground.

00:11:13.000 Slams you and hits you with the earth.

00:11:15.000 Yeah.

00:11:17.000 Because there are those dudes that are almost animals.

00:11:20.000 You see them walking around.

00:11:21.000 6'8", 350. You're like, I don't care how well you're trained.

00:11:26.000 If that dude is athletic and strong.

00:11:29.000 Like a pro bar?

00:11:30.000 It's like a gorilla.

00:11:30.000 A pro football player?

00:11:31.000 Oh, yeah.

00:11:31.000 I remember, I'll never forget this.

00:11:34.000 We were in Phoenix, and we were going into this bar, and it was like...

00:11:39.000 20-plus years ago, and as we were waiting in line, this pro football player walked through the line, and it was like a grown-ass man amongst little kids.

00:11:50.000 It was like a third-grade class, and someone's daddy showed up and just walked through the line.

00:11:56.000 This guy had to be like 6'7", 6'8".

00:11:59.000 350. He was so big, I was laughing.

00:12:02.000 I was like, look at the size of this fucking guy.

00:12:05.000 Just big old corn-fed white boy, just walking through the crowd.

00:12:09.000 Imagine that dude gets a hold of you like this, too.

00:12:11.000 That's what they do.

00:12:12.000 That's their job.

00:12:13.000 Throw you into the ground and just break everything.

00:12:15.000 Break your hip and your legs and everything.

00:12:17.000 I know you don't follow football, but I always think of this dude about savagery.

00:12:22.000 Larry Allen, he played for the...

00:12:24.000 Remember the Cowboys were dominant in the 90s?

00:12:27.000 This dude was not just so big and so freaky strong, but, like, was born mean.

00:12:33.000 Oh, no!

00:12:34.000 Like, he's what you want if you're, like, a coach.

00:12:38.000 Like, he had the athleticism, the strength.

00:12:41.000 That's him right there?

00:12:42.000 73, yeah, yeah.

00:12:43.000 Jesus, look at the size of him.

00:12:44.000 This fucking guy, dude, would just...

00:12:46.000 He would just absolutely...

00:12:49.000 You know, destroy...

00:12:50.000 Like, break people's will.

00:12:52.000 How long did he play for?

00:12:53.000 Oh, he had played over 10 seasons.

00:12:56.000 Wow.

00:12:56.000 And he was...

00:12:57.000 The size of him!

00:12:59.000 Dude...

00:13:00.000 He's so big.

00:13:01.000 And so fast, so athletic.

00:13:03.000 This guy was so athletic, man.

00:13:05.000 There's amazing footage of him just chasing.

00:13:08.000 His team threw an interception.

00:13:10.000 He's chasing the 180-pound guy down.

00:13:15.000 Crazy shit.

00:13:16.000 He benched 225 45 times at the combine.

00:13:22.000 You know?

00:13:25.000 Just imagine doing 45 push-ups.

00:13:27.000 Yeah.

00:13:27.000 That's a lot.

00:13:28.000 Dude, do 45 reps of the bar and you're gonna feel the burn, man.

00:13:32.000 Yeah.

00:13:32.000 You know what I mean?

00:13:34.000 That's crazy.

00:13:35.000 Bop, bop, bop.

00:13:36.000 It's nuts.

00:13:38.000 700-pound bench press here.

00:13:40.000 Yeah, he's not a normal guy.

00:13:41.000 700-pound bench press.

00:13:43.000 Goddamn.

00:13:44.000 Not a normal guy.

00:13:45.000 The size of that dude.

00:13:46.000 Yeah, these dudes are like...

00:13:48.000 Yeah, well, you know, I mean, you gotta think, that's your gig.

00:13:52.000 Your gig is to be gigantic and fast and powerful, and you've been working on that since grade school.

00:13:58.000 Yeah.

00:13:58.000 Look at them all fucking around.

00:14:00.000 They're jumping on him like he is an animal.

00:14:02.000 Like he's a trained lion.

00:14:05.000 Goddamn, dude.

00:14:07.000 Yeah.

00:14:07.000 He's so strong.

00:14:08.000 Giant.

00:14:09.000 Yeah, there's like that mountain guy, that Game of Thrones guy.

00:14:12.000 Yeah.

00:14:12.000 Get the fuck out of here.

00:14:13.000 Exactly.

00:14:14.000 That's who I'm thinking about.

00:14:15.000 Like, guys like that who are...

00:14:17.000 If you're like, oh, but like, I know...

00:14:20.000 You ever seen him spar with Conor?

00:14:21.000 No.

00:14:21.000 Conor fucked him up.

00:14:22.000 Oh, he did?

00:14:23.000 Yeah, he fucked him up.

00:14:24.000 Like, really fucked him up.

00:14:25.000 He just kept hitting him.

00:14:26.000 And he kept moving away from him.

00:14:28.000 And he couldn't hit Conor.

00:14:29.000 He was trying to hit Conor.

00:14:30.000 He couldn't hit him.

00:14:31.000 And Conor kept...

00:14:32.000 He was kicking him in the stomach, punched him in the stomach, and eventually just got exhausted.

00:14:36.000 And he gave up.

00:14:37.000 Yeah, see, that part, I mean, but that's kind of like with rules, right?

00:14:41.000 We're going to do this sport.

00:14:43.000 But he couldn't grab Conor.

00:14:45.000 He tried to grab him.

00:14:46.000 Yeah.

00:14:46.000 Conor, it was in a gym, so there's plenty of room for Conor to move around him.

00:14:50.000 Look at it.

00:14:51.000 But look at the size difference between the two of them.

00:14:53.000 See, he started talking shit, and Conor was like, oh, really?

00:14:57.000 Okay, come on, buddy.

00:14:57.000 Let's spar.

00:14:58.000 Let's spar.

00:15:01.000 He doesn't know what to do.

00:15:02.000 See, the thing is, Conor is much smaller than him, but he doesn't know what to do.

00:15:06.000 See, he just hit Conor in the stomach there, and he just doesn't know what to do.

00:15:11.000 Look at that jumping front kick to the body and then pushed him away.

00:15:14.000 See, he's trying to grab him, but he doesn't know what to do, and Conor just keeps moving.

00:15:18.000 And Conor's in great shape, and that big fuck has never done cardio in his life.

00:15:23.000 All that guy does is do squats and deadlifts and just gets huge.

00:15:27.000 Yeah.

00:15:27.000 So his heart is probably right now pounding out of his chest.

00:15:30.000 That fucker played basketball before.

00:15:32.000 Oh, he was really skinny.

00:15:34.000 Yeah, he was really, really skinny.

00:15:35.000 Look, see, now Connor's starting to punch him.

00:15:38.000 He's starting to punch him in the stomach, and the dude's trying to grab him, and he tries to hit Connor.

00:15:42.000 See, now he's taking a break, and you see his stomach heaving.

00:15:45.000 He doesn't know what to do.

00:15:46.000 Yeah.

00:15:47.000 He doesn't know how to get out of this, because they're fucking around.

00:15:50.000 He doesn't know how to get out of this.

00:15:51.000 He tries to grab them, but Connor's like, no, I'm just going to move.

00:15:54.000 You go ahead.

00:15:55.000 And he's gassing them out, too.

00:15:57.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:15:58.000 And then he's nodding.

00:15:59.000 He's like, come on, big boy.

00:16:01.000 Come on.

00:16:01.000 But his trainer has got to be going crazy.

00:16:03.000 He's like, what in the fuck are you doing?

00:16:05.000 Of course.

00:16:06.000 You're one of the top fighters on the planet Earth, and you're here fucking around with a 300-pound giant.

00:16:11.000 What if this guy gets a hold of one of your legs and decides to rip it apart?

00:16:15.000 Exactly, exactly.

00:16:16.000 That's what I'm talking about.

00:16:17.000 See, they punched him in the stomach.

00:16:20.000 I guess they're not punching each other in the face, because they're going bare knuckle.

00:16:24.000 That dude's head doesn't even fit the body anymore.

00:16:27.000 He's getting tired, though.

00:16:28.000 See, because of all the flinching.

00:16:30.000 Connor's making a flinch.

00:16:32.000 He's making a move.

00:16:33.000 He's fainting.

00:16:34.000 And when you faint like that, see, he doesn't know what to do.

00:16:37.000 He's giving up.

00:16:37.000 He's like, I give up.

00:16:38.000 I give up.

00:16:39.000 I give up.

00:16:39.000 Connor's not letting him give up.

00:16:41.000 Look at him.

00:16:41.000 He's not letting him give up.

00:16:42.000 It's like, come on, fucker.

00:16:45.000 Now he's going to get into some jiu-jitsu here?

00:16:47.000 No, he's just...

00:16:48.000 Look, he knees him in the body.

00:16:50.000 Jesus Christ.

00:16:51.000 He's punched him.

00:16:52.000 He's mean.

00:16:53.000 He's not letting him rest.

00:16:55.000 Now he lets him rest.

00:16:56.000 Look how small.

00:16:58.000 Goddamn.

00:16:58.000 Yeah.

00:16:59.000 See, that guy was done, though.

00:17:01.000 Yeah, he was.

00:17:01.000 The thing about being that big...

00:17:03.000 You can't go long.

00:17:05.000 It's like a muscle car, right?

00:17:06.000 If you've got a muscle car with a five-gallon engine, or a five-gallon gas tank, a big-ass engine, you don't have much distance.

00:17:14.000 You go hard for a second.

00:17:15.000 You're not going to last.

00:17:16.000 It's like, and then...

00:17:18.000 That's actually fascinating to watch.

00:17:22.000 Weird, right?

00:17:23.000 Yeah.

00:17:24.000 That thing's so big.

00:17:25.000 You ever seen a wolverine chase off wolves?

00:17:29.000 Wolverines are little.

00:17:31.000 It's like a 35-pound animal.

00:17:33.000 Everything gets the fuck away from it.

00:17:34.000 Like, Jesus!

00:17:35.000 Because they're so ferocious.

00:17:37.000 They're so crazy.

00:17:38.000 And they feel like no pain.

00:17:40.000 Yeah.

00:17:40.000 Like, things can bite them and like...

00:17:42.000 And they'll chase wolves.

00:17:44.000 They'll chase bears.

00:17:45.000 What's the news with Conor, by the way?

00:17:46.000 Is he throwing out that he wants to fight someone?

00:17:48.000 Oh, he wants to fight Khabib.

00:17:50.000 Khabib.

00:17:50.000 But they're trying to set up...

00:17:52.000 Look, we are...

00:17:54.000 In the future, this is March 24th.

00:18:02.000 We're good to go.

00:18:15.000 You know, I told Danny, just do it on a battleship.

00:18:18.000 Just do it on a battleship in international waters.

00:18:20.000 Fly everybody in on the helicopters.

00:18:22.000 Fucking cool idea.

00:18:23.000 And there's no organization like the UFC that could pull that off.

00:18:26.000 You know what I mean?

00:18:26.000 You can't do that with any other sport.

00:18:28.000 No.

00:18:28.000 Because you don't need very many people.

00:18:30.000 You just need the fighters.

00:18:31.000 Yeah.

00:18:32.000 I mean, I don't even know if they're going to have an undercard.

00:18:34.000 And the crazier the setting for a fight, the more it could be like, and there'll be lions roaming.

00:18:41.000 Well, I would imagine one of those sheiks that has a trillion dollars.

00:18:46.000 They'll say, do it in my palace.

00:18:48.000 100%.

00:18:48.000 You do it in the palace.

00:18:49.000 You set up an octagon in a giant ballroom.

00:18:51.000 Dude, if you guys called sheiks, they would start fighting each other.

00:18:55.000 This is no problem.

00:18:56.000 This is no problem at all.

00:18:58.000 Come on.

00:18:59.000 Yeah, they'll fucking sanitize the shit out of a couple jets, fly everybody in, sanitize the runway, just crates of Lysol.

00:19:07.000 Absolutely.

00:19:08.000 Crop-dusted planes spraying Lysol over everything.

00:19:11.000 It would be...

00:19:13.000 They would do it right, actually.

00:19:15.000 They have so much money.

00:19:16.000 Yeah.

00:19:17.000 I mean, they could do it right.

00:19:18.000 They could test everyone.

00:19:20.000 Well, what do you do if someone has, like, they're asymptomatic and they want to fight anyway?

00:19:25.000 But they test positive?

00:19:26.000 Yeah.

00:19:26.000 No.

00:19:26.000 They're gone.

00:19:27.000 You gotta go.

00:19:28.000 What if it's Khabib?

00:19:29.000 You gotta go.

00:19:30.000 What if it's Tony?

00:19:31.000 They test positive, but they're asymptomatic.

00:19:34.000 Too much of it.

00:19:34.000 Resting heart rate's low.

00:19:36.000 Everything's fine.

00:19:36.000 Too much of a liability.

00:19:37.000 Good to go.

00:19:38.000 You're shedding it, man.

00:19:39.000 You're shedding it as you walk around.

00:19:41.000 After he's over, we just cover him in a big plastic suit?

00:19:44.000 I guess if the other fighter was like, I'm cool with it.

00:19:46.000 Khabib would probably be cool with it, too.

00:19:48.000 Yeah, sure.

00:19:49.000 You have medicine?

00:19:50.000 Send location.

00:19:51.000 Bring medicine.

00:19:52.000 Did you see that couple, what they did?

00:19:55.000 Did you see that today?

00:19:56.000 What?

00:19:58.000 So Trump was talking about potential medicines?

00:20:01.000 Yes.

00:20:01.000 And then one of them, I don't want to say the name wrong, so whatever, I forget what it is.

00:20:07.000 I'll tell you exactly what it is.

00:20:08.000 What is it?

00:20:08.000 It's medication that you use on a koi pond to kill bacteria.

00:20:13.000 That's the one that they took.

00:20:15.000 Yes.

00:20:15.000 But it's the same name.

00:20:16.000 I think it's called chloroquine.

00:20:18.000 The same name of it.

00:20:20.000 But the one for the koi pond has like a hyphen and another name.

00:20:24.000 The same name without the hyphen is actually a medication.

00:20:28.000 It's a medication for malaria.

00:20:30.000 For malaria, correct.

00:20:31.000 That apparently holds promise.

00:20:33.000 But they took koi pond, fish tank medicine.

00:20:37.000 They took poison.

00:20:38.000 Yeah.

00:20:39.000 They took poison.

00:20:40.000 That's what they took.

00:20:40.000 And then they were like, he told us to take it.

00:20:42.000 Yeah, but he didn't, you stupid fucks.

00:20:45.000 No, of course not.

00:20:45.000 And then they're like, we saw it in our cabinet.

00:20:47.000 You think you have fucking malaria meds in the back of your pantry?

00:20:51.000 We had it in the shed.

00:20:53.000 We used it to kill everything in the koi pond, and we figured hell.

00:20:58.000 Jed took it and he's dead.

00:20:59.000 Well, the woman, they were talking to her and they said, now, it was funny because the reporter was baiting her.

00:21:06.000 The reporter was like, now, this is, you saw President Trump say that you should take the, yeah, they were showing it a lot.

00:21:14.000 That's what she said, they were showing it a lot.

00:21:16.000 No, it's a different name.

00:21:18.000 It's a different name.

00:21:19.000 You fucks.

00:21:20.000 It's the same beginning.

00:21:21.000 I feel comfortable saying this public PSA. You probably don't have the cure at home right now.

00:21:28.000 I feel comfortable with you saying that.

00:21:32.000 Unless you just got back from somewhere where you had to take something from malaria.

00:21:36.000 Yeah, maybe, man.

00:21:37.000 Maybe.

00:21:37.000 Maybe you have it.

00:21:39.000 Yeah, it's a different medication.

00:21:41.000 But people are blaming Trump for that.

00:21:45.000 Yeah.

00:21:45.000 It's just like this game of trying to get clicks and blaming people for, like, Trump did not tell people to drink Koi Pond Killer.

00:21:54.000 No, no, definitely didn't do that.

00:21:55.000 He's been hilarious in this.

00:21:57.000 Well, did you see that one lady?

00:21:59.000 I was talking about this earlier.

00:22:01.000 There's this one lady who is getting – she has an opportunity to talk to Trump in a press conference.

00:22:07.000 And she said, did you hear that one of your – one of the members of your cabinet referred to it as the Kung Flu?

00:22:16.000 I saw that, yeah.

00:22:18.000 And he's like, the what?

00:22:19.000 Say that again?

00:22:20.000 And she goes, Kung Flu.

00:22:21.000 So he makes her say it.

00:22:23.000 And then he goes, who?

00:22:24.000 Who said it?

00:22:25.000 Well, I heard someone of you.

00:22:26.000 You heard.

00:22:27.000 This is the one question you have to ask the President of the United States during one of the biggest health crises the world has ever known.

00:22:37.000 And you want a mildly racist term.

00:22:41.000 Is what you want to check in on.

00:22:43.000 Yeah.

00:22:43.000 Are you putting a stop to that?

00:22:44.000 They want to get him.

00:22:45.000 I want to call people out.

00:22:46.000 Yeah.

00:22:47.000 He did a thing.

00:22:48.000 It must have caught up, though, because yesterday he read a statement that, like, I love our Asian-Americans.

00:22:57.000 Well, it's because he kept referring to it as the Chinese.

00:23:00.000 Oh, I know.

00:23:01.000 I know.

00:23:01.000 The Chinese virus.

00:23:02.000 He scratched down on his report.

00:23:05.000 I saw it.

00:23:05.000 Yeah.

00:23:05.000 He wrote Chinese.

00:23:06.000 Chinese.

00:23:07.000 He was like, that's where it's from.

00:23:08.000 Coronavirus.

00:23:08.000 Uh-uh.

00:23:08.000 Chinese.

00:23:09.000 But people have to understand it's also because he's in fierce negotiations with China over these trade sanctions.

00:23:17.000 There's a lot going on.

00:23:18.000 And he's a combative dude, and he'll take any chance to...

00:23:22.000 So the same lady did it with Kellyanne Conway.

00:23:26.000 Same thing.

00:23:27.000 Same question.

00:23:28.000 Yeah.

00:23:29.000 And she's like, I'm not going to get into speculation here.

00:23:33.000 About who said it?

00:23:35.000 You don't know who said it?

00:23:36.000 You just heard someone said it?

00:23:38.000 And then, you know, this lady didn't know, Kellyanne Conway's husband's half Asian.

00:23:42.000 So her kids are quarter Asian.

00:23:44.000 She's like, I'm sure you're not saying that I'm racist towards Asian.

00:23:48.000 My children are Asian.

00:23:49.000 Like, what are you doing?

00:23:51.000 Isn't that marriage kind of interesting?

00:23:53.000 Oh yeah, it's hilarious.

00:23:54.000 I mean, he's the most outspoken critic.

00:23:56.000 He hates Trump.

00:23:57.000 Beyond hates.

00:23:59.000 Beyond hates him.

00:24:00.000 And she's his most ardent defender.

00:24:02.000 Yeah.

00:24:03.000 It's crazy.

00:24:03.000 How do you guys go to bed at night?

00:24:05.000 Some people can be like liberals and Republicans and live together fine.

00:24:12.000 Some people can be like hunters and vegans and live together fine.

00:24:14.000 But they're both so vocal about their positions.

00:24:17.000 I know.

00:24:17.000 It's weird.

00:24:17.000 I don't understand how they're like, anyway, what do you want to eat?

00:24:20.000 It's fucking crazy.

00:24:22.000 I know.

00:24:23.000 By the way, how great would it have been if Trump or Kellyanne Conley had been asked about the Kung Flu and they were like, are you going to say that's not a funny term?

00:24:31.000 Yeah, it would be great.

00:24:33.000 It would be kind of great.

00:24:33.000 I mean, look, if it was an Italian virus and they called it the pasta virus, I mean, would people really get mad?

00:24:42.000 No, probably not.

00:24:43.000 What would they call it?

00:24:44.000 The meatball virus?

00:24:44.000 What would be the thing?

00:24:46.000 Yeah.

00:24:46.000 The pizza virus?

00:24:48.000 I don't know.

00:24:48.000 Yeah, rigatoni virus.

00:24:52.000 I don't know, man.

00:24:54.000 I've read a terrible thing that one lady said that some lady, she's Asian, and she was at a store, and some lady yelled, she had a mask on, she yelled, fuck you, at her, in her face, and then she took off her mask and coughed at her.

00:25:12.000 At the Asian lady?

00:25:13.000 Yeah, coughed at her and yelled, fuck you, at her.

00:25:15.000 See, that's when all the racial jokes stop being funny.

00:25:18.000 Yeah, they all just went out the window right there.

00:25:19.000 Because there are legit morons out there that will blame an Asian-American, a person of Asian descent living in America that has zero to do with any of this.

00:25:30.000 And she'll be like, fuck you!

00:25:32.000 Because there's people just looking for an excuse to blame whatever on someone else.

00:25:36.000 And if it's an Asian person or a Latino person or whatever the fuck it is.

00:25:41.000 Or all the fucking post, you remember post 9-11, all these poor Sikh people that were being targeted?

00:25:48.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:25:48.000 And they're like, you fucking Muslim?

00:25:49.000 And they're like, I'm not Muslim.

00:25:51.000 I mean, it's bad enough that you're doing that, but I'm not even the target of who you're trying to reach here.

00:25:57.000 You just think turbans.

00:25:58.000 Everyone with a turban is Muslim, you fucking idiots.

00:26:00.000 Because we forget that, like, you know, the world's full of idiots, too.

00:26:04.000 Those are the people you really got to worry about.

00:26:06.000 It's...

00:26:06.000 You know, I don't want people to die from this disease.

00:26:09.000 Of course.

00:26:10.000 But I would like us to lose a significant portion of our moron population.

00:26:14.000 It'd be cool if it preyed on low IQ individuals.

00:26:19.000 They're like, all these dummies keep dying.

00:26:21.000 Not just low IQ, because there's some low IQ people that are really nice.

00:26:24.000 But it would be great if it was low IQ people who were mean.

00:26:28.000 Like if there was a disease that only killed racists.

00:26:31.000 Just like open mouth breathing people.

00:26:34.000 Something about racism just it just kills people with racism.

00:26:38.000 Like there's a gene and it targets that gene and people who are racist they just drop like flies.

00:26:43.000 There are a lot of older people dying so it might be working.

00:26:48.000 It's definitely killed a few racists in this last few weeks.

00:26:53.000 Imagine if that's like something that people focus on.

00:26:55.000 Here's one silver lining.

00:26:59.000 All these old grand wizards are gone.

00:27:02.000 We went into the Facebook pages of all the people who died, and 64% were racist.

00:27:08.000 That'd be awesome.

00:27:09.000 That would be a nice silver lining.

00:27:11.000 Yeah, but what about the other 36?

00:27:14.000 Just nice old grannies.

00:27:16.000 It's terrible, man.

00:27:17.000 That love their neighbors.

00:27:18.000 It's terrible.

00:27:19.000 Yeah.

00:27:21.000 But this is one of those things where you can't even crack a joke, because then people are, oh yeah?

00:27:25.000 What about this person and that person?

00:27:29.000 You just can't listen to them.

00:27:31.000 Yeah.

00:27:31.000 So I talked to Michael Yeo.

00:27:33.000 Actually, I haven't even talked to him because he's not talking.

00:27:36.000 Because he can't talk.

00:27:37.000 He's just texting.

00:27:38.000 He's still fucked up.

00:27:39.000 Five days ago, thought he was dying.

00:27:42.000 Went to the hospital?

00:27:43.000 No.

00:27:43.000 I mean, he's been in the hospital for over a week.

00:27:45.000 But five days ago, he thought he was dying.

00:27:48.000 This is what happened.

00:27:49.000 He went to New York.

00:27:49.000 He did my podcast.

00:27:51.000 Right after he did my podcast that weekend, he had shows at Gotham.

00:27:54.000 So he flew to New York City.

00:27:55.000 Did his shows in New York City.

00:27:58.000 Was feeling kind of sick and then got it.

00:28:01.000 Got pneumonia and the coronavirus at the same time.

00:28:05.000 In New York or in LA? When he got home.

00:28:08.000 So he was feeling kind of shitty, and then it hit him.

00:28:12.000 So he probably had a weakened immune system, right?

00:28:16.000 He's not a boozer, so I don't think he was boozing.

00:28:19.000 But he doesn't have any that you know of underlying health issues?

00:28:22.000 No.

00:28:22.000 Nothing.

00:28:22.000 Because he seems like a healthy guy.

00:28:24.000 Yeah.

00:28:25.000 In shape.

00:28:26.000 Works out a lot.

00:28:26.000 He said he was killing workouts.

00:28:28.000 He said nothing was wrong with him.

00:28:30.000 He said he just started feeling like he had a cold.

00:28:32.000 And then flew home, and then boom.

00:28:35.000 Double whammy.

00:28:36.000 But he's recovering.

00:28:37.000 He's recovering, yeah.

00:28:39.000 He's not going to die, but he's not out of the woods yet.

00:28:42.000 And some of these people that have gotten through this disease have some sort of permanent lung impairment.

00:28:48.000 You know one that scared me?

00:28:50.000 I was reading about this guy.

00:28:52.000 See if you can find this guy.

00:28:53.000 2012 gold medalist in swimming.

00:28:55.000 31-year-old guy got it.

00:28:57.000 And he said he's the absolute worst virus he's ever experienced in his life.

00:29:01.000 He said it was devastating.

00:29:03.000 So it's like some people have it like Idris Elba and there's nothing.

00:29:07.000 Yeah.

00:29:09.000 Asymptomatic.

00:29:09.000 Yeah.

00:29:10.000 Seem to be fine.

00:29:11.000 Well, they are...

00:29:11.000 I just spoke to an infectious disease doctor on the way over here.

00:29:16.000 And they're saying that that's one of the big things about The asymptomatic people is like they're essentially what can keep this thing going for a while.

00:29:28.000 Because you're shedding for 15 days and if you're not holed up, if you're walking around and you're just brushing by people and you're at the park and you're in the store and you're shedding, you're spreading it, And then you go home,

00:29:44.000 but you just gave it to, you know, these three or four people, then they go home.

00:29:48.000 It's just so weird that some people don't experience anything.

00:29:51.000 And for other people, like this guy who's a 31-year-old Olympic swimmer, Cameron Vanderburg, 2012 Olympic swimming champion.

00:29:59.000 Details about with coronavirus.

00:30:00.000 I think he's from Africa.

00:30:02.000 Is that where he's from?

00:30:04.000 Maybe it's...

00:30:08.000 Retired South African Olympic swimmer.

00:30:11.000 Details of struggle with coronavirus.

00:30:13.000 I mean, this guy is super healthy, really, really fit.

00:30:18.000 He says he doesn't smoke, lives a healthy lifestyle, and he's young.

00:30:24.000 He's in the least risk demographic.

00:30:27.000 Incredible.

00:30:28.000 So you can't really predict how this will go.

00:30:31.000 He said, although the most severe symptoms, extreme fever have eased, I'm still struggling with serious fatigue and a residual cough that I can't shake.

00:30:39.000 Any physical activity like walking leaves me exhausted for hours.

00:30:43.000 This is crazy.

00:30:44.000 He's 31 and he's a stud.

00:30:47.000 I mean, you look at that guy.

00:30:48.000 Yeah.

00:30:49.000 Olympic swimmer, right?

00:30:51.000 I mean, you talk about cardiovascular shape.

00:30:53.000 There's some of the most powerful cardiovascular fit people on earth.

00:31:00.000 Incredible.

00:31:01.000 He said he's been struggling with it for 14 days.

00:31:04.000 Jesus Christ, by far the worst virus I've ever had.

00:31:09.000 Yeah.

00:31:09.000 It says, any physical activity like walking leaves me exhausted for hours.

00:31:13.000 The loss in body conditioning has been immense and can only feel for athletes that contract COVID-19 as they will suffer a great loss of current conditioning through the last training cycle.

00:31:24.000 It's funny how he's thinking about it.

00:31:26.000 Infection closer to competition being the worst.

00:31:29.000 Yeah.

00:31:29.000 Isn't it funny how he's thinking about it in terms of conditioning cycles?

00:31:32.000 Of course.

00:31:33.000 That's how Olympians think.

00:31:34.000 Yeah.

00:31:35.000 Did you see how...

00:31:36.000 I mean, they just...

00:31:37.000 Agreed to postpone, but even like two days ago, Tokyo was like, we're not, don't even think about it.

00:31:43.000 Yeah.

00:31:43.000 What are you talking about?

00:31:46.000 Fucking idiots.

00:31:46.000 Because they're crooks.

00:31:48.000 Yeah.

00:31:48.000 Look, that whole thing is a crooked organization.

00:31:51.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:31:51.000 They should pay those athletes.

00:31:53.000 They're making billions of dollars.

00:31:55.000 The athletes make good gods.

00:31:56.000 Tens of billions, yeah.

00:31:57.000 The athletes make nothing.

00:31:58.000 Yeah, they're like, if you get a sponsorship in a sport that's popular, then you're all right.

00:32:02.000 If you are the top...

00:32:04.000 If you get to win a gold medal, and everybody pays attention, and then you become like Michael Phelps, where everybody knows your name, you can make a living.

00:32:15.000 Then you can make a living.

00:32:16.000 Everybody else is fucked.

00:32:17.000 Meanwhile, those cunts are raking in billions and billions of dollars.

00:32:22.000 Ridiculous.

00:32:22.000 It is the grossest thing in all sorts.

00:32:25.000 The only thing that's close is college basketball.

00:32:29.000 College basketball and college football where those guys, again, make billions of dollars for those organizations and make no money for themselves.

00:32:37.000 And then you have these people who are like, yeah, but these guys get a free education.

00:32:40.000 The fuck out of here.

00:32:41.000 Fuck out of my face.

00:32:42.000 The fuck out of here.

00:32:43.000 Especially football.

00:32:44.000 Get the fuck out of here.

00:32:45.000 Yeah, you get a free education when you get your brain scrambled every day in practice.

00:32:49.000 Your brain's scrambled and this, like, the football programs at a major university are so goddamn valuable, not just even monetarily.

00:32:59.000 It becomes the image of the school.

00:33:01.000 Yes!

00:33:02.000 They even get, a high-profile school gets more applicants and you get more people enrolled just because of that program.

00:33:09.000 It's crazy.

00:33:10.000 And it's a dirty thing.

00:33:11.000 It's a dirty thing that just keeps going.

00:33:15.000 They should have fixed that a long time ago.

00:33:18.000 Those guys should have been able to...

00:33:19.000 They should be getting paid.

00:33:21.000 And people are like, whoa, how come other college students don't get paid?

00:33:26.000 Because you don't have those fucking skills, dude.

00:33:28.000 Those are bad motherfuckers.

00:33:29.000 That's just what they got.

00:33:31.000 Right.

00:33:31.000 If you're winning NCAA basketball championships for your school, you should be making a shitload of money because your goddamn school is making a shitload of money from you.

00:33:39.000 And then if you're, like, a bad motherfucker on one of those teams, they sell your jersey, dude.

00:33:43.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:33:43.000 And you don't make anything from that.

00:33:45.000 No!

00:33:45.000 They sell your jersey.

00:33:47.000 And they're like, didn't you get that algebra class for free?

00:33:50.000 Like, oh, yeah, thanks, man.

00:33:51.000 And we gave you a track suit and some shoes.

00:33:54.000 Thanks.

00:33:54.000 Congratulations.

00:33:55.000 Yeah.

00:33:55.000 And if you even get...

00:33:56.000 I think if you get, like...

00:33:58.000 I mean, you can't get anything.

00:34:00.000 They can't even hook you up with an apartment.

00:34:02.000 Dude, it's super fucked.

00:34:05.000 NCAA is, again, a super corrupt organization.

00:34:10.000 You've seen that Icarus movie?

00:34:13.000 Icarus documentary?

00:34:15.000 Well, it shows how the IOC... Is that Russia?

00:34:19.000 I think I saw it.

00:34:20.000 It shows how dirty, like, even testing is in the Olympics.

00:34:25.000 And it shows how the Russian team in Soji was just completely, not just cheating, but every one of their athletes, they took their piss and swapped it out for clean piss.

00:34:36.000 All of them.

00:34:37.000 They had a hole in the wall.

00:34:38.000 They'd transfer piss back and forth to it.

00:34:41.000 It was a Russian team.

00:34:42.000 Yeah, the Russian team did that.

00:34:43.000 It is like culturally built in to deceive there.

00:34:46.000 Seriously.

00:34:47.000 It's about winning.

00:34:48.000 It is about winning, but it's also like it lies on every level.

00:34:54.000 Well, did you hear me talking about Yoel Romero?

00:34:58.000 Did you ever hear...

00:35:00.000 After the fight?

00:35:00.000 No, the recent one.

00:35:02.000 No.

00:35:02.000 Dana White gave me this information.

00:35:05.000 They brought in Yoel Romero because he had a fractured orbital in one of his fights.

00:35:10.000 Oh, okay.

00:35:11.000 And they bring him in, and then he gets examined by this doctor.

00:35:14.000 And the doctor calls up the UFC afterwards and said, Where did you get this guy?

00:35:19.000 And he goes, what do you mean?

00:35:21.000 And they're like, what's going on?

00:35:23.000 He goes, I've never seen anyone like him.

00:35:24.000 And they're like, oh yeah, he's an amazing athlete.

00:35:26.000 He goes, no, no, no.

00:35:27.000 I've never seen a human being like this.

00:35:31.000 Like, this is the most unusual human being I've ever seen in my 40 years of practicing medicine.

00:35:37.000 He said his tendons in his eye are four times larger than a normal person's.

00:35:43.000 He goes, his physical structure is different than any human being I've ever seen in my life.

00:35:49.000 Whoa.

00:35:50.000 Cuba.

00:35:51.000 Yeah.

00:35:52.000 Who knows what kind of fucking wacky experiments they were doing.

00:35:55.000 Some Russian pills when he was a kid, that's for sure.

00:35:58.000 Yeah, imagine.

00:35:58.000 Yeah.

00:35:58.000 Right?

00:35:59.000 Imagine.

00:35:59.000 I mean, he was a top of the food chain wrestler.

00:36:03.000 He medaled in literally every single international wrestling meet he ever competed in.

00:36:09.000 Yoel Romero is a super stud.

00:36:12.000 Yeah.

00:36:12.000 Just a super stud.

00:36:13.000 That was a weird fight though, right?

00:36:14.000 The last one with Izzy?

00:36:16.000 Yes.

00:36:17.000 I had to leave.

00:36:17.000 It wasn't a good fight.

00:36:18.000 Isn't that crazy we were in an arena like a week before it hit the fan?

00:36:21.000 I know.

00:36:21.000 We were hanging out in Vegas.

00:36:22.000 But it was a little sketchy then, remember?

00:36:24.000 It was a little sketchy.

00:36:25.000 We were like, everything's going to be okay?

00:36:27.000 Yeah.

00:36:27.000 We were a little weirded out.

00:36:28.000 But then we went to dinner.

00:36:29.000 Went to dinner.

00:36:30.000 Went to my show.

00:36:31.000 Yeah.

00:36:31.000 We hung out.

00:36:32.000 Had a show.

00:36:33.000 That was probably the last big show we'll see in a long ass time.

00:36:38.000 I keep thinking about how...

00:36:39.000 I was talking about today.

00:36:40.000 I did all this morning phoners today for the special.

00:36:44.000 Ball Hog.

00:36:45.000 Ball Hog's out on Netflix.

00:36:46.000 Right now.

00:36:46.000 My favorite, by the way, is they had you call into so many radio stations, and this guy's like...

00:36:52.000 He goes, oh, I'm a big Instant Family fan.

00:36:56.000 When are you going to do another one?

00:36:57.000 And I go, what do you mean?

00:37:00.000 He's like, I like that show.

00:37:01.000 I go, it's a movie.

00:37:02.000 It's a movie called Instant Family.

00:37:04.000 He goes, oh yeah, when's the next one?

00:37:05.000 I was like, the sequel to an adoption film?

00:37:08.000 What?

00:37:09.000 You just tell they're just reading shit off to you.

00:37:13.000 I was talking to somebody in the press thing today and I go, most of us comics...

00:37:19.000 Since we've been active working comedians, at most two weeks we've gone without doing stand-up.

00:37:26.000 And then that return, when you first get on stage after a vacation, you're like, I just feel fucking weird.

00:37:32.000 You have weird butterflies, your rhythm's off, your pacing's a little off, you forget a word or something because you're just not fresh.

00:37:40.000 We might be two, three months Easy.

00:37:44.000 Easy, yeah.

00:37:44.000 Easy.

00:37:45.000 Without ever doing it.

00:37:45.000 Yeah, March, all of March, right?

00:37:48.000 All of April.

00:37:48.000 When was your show?

00:37:49.000 Your show was the beginning of March, right?

00:37:50.000 It was March 7th, yeah.

00:37:52.000 March 7th and 8th, you do the Mirage.

00:37:54.000 So, all of March, all of April.

00:37:57.000 I mean, we easily could be deep into July or August before.

00:38:02.000 I did a set March 11th.

00:38:04.000 It was my last set.

00:38:05.000 Mm-hmm.

00:38:05.000 And then March 12th, I had a show.

00:38:08.000 You canceled it, too.

00:38:08.000 Yeah.

00:38:09.000 Because I was doing a Spanish show at the belly room, and then I canceled it.

00:38:12.000 I was doing the main room, yeah.

00:38:14.000 I canceled that.

00:38:15.000 And that was it?

00:38:16.000 And everything got moved.

00:38:17.000 Yeah.

00:38:18.000 The store said they were going to cancel gatherings of less...

00:38:22.000 The state mandate was anything with 200 people or more, and the main room, I think, holds 400 people.

00:38:30.000 So they decided to keep the belly room open, which is, I mean, the OR, which is one of 150, I think?

00:38:35.000 Yeah, something like that.

00:38:37.000 And then they asked me if I want to do a spot there, and I'm like, I don't think I do.

00:38:40.000 I think I'm good.

00:38:41.000 I'm like, I don't know what to do here.

00:38:43.000 And then I had the improv a couple days later, and then I texted the improv.

00:38:50.000 I'm like, I think we should shut this down.

00:38:51.000 It just doesn't seem right.

00:38:53.000 The way that it rolled out was funny.

00:38:56.000 So I had that weekend.

00:38:58.000 At the Ice House.

00:38:59.000 So I go, we'll move that.

00:39:01.000 You know, I go, we can't do it.

00:39:02.000 So we moved it.

00:39:03.000 The following week, which would have been the weekend that just ended, was supposed to be in Dayton.

00:39:07.000 And even on Monday, they were like, do you want to do it?

00:39:11.000 On Monday?

00:39:11.000 Or maybe it was Friday.

00:39:13.000 They're like, you can still do Dayton.

00:39:14.000 They were giving...

00:39:15.000 Swartzen had some shows in Utah, and they were giving him a hard time.

00:39:18.000 They were like, you know, hey, we're going to lose our shirt if you cancel.

00:39:21.000 He's like, um, I'm not a fucking...

00:39:23.000 What?

00:39:24.000 Yeah, no.

00:39:26.000 Guys, hey.

00:39:27.000 And then I go, we got to move the date.

00:39:29.000 So then we move that, and then, you know, every day we keep pushing things month by month.

00:39:35.000 Chappelle's doing shows, like, real late.

00:39:37.000 Really?

00:39:38.000 Yeah.

00:39:38.000 Yeah, really?

00:39:40.000 He was doing shows like The Weeknd After Yours.

00:39:42.000 Wow.

00:39:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:39:44.000 Big ones too, bro.

00:39:45.000 Oh, yeah.

00:39:46.000 Fucking big-ass theaters.

00:39:48.000 Yeah.

00:39:48.000 Yeah, I was...

00:39:49.000 I mean, I'm supposed to be in Vancouver on the 20th.

00:39:54.000 That's never going to happen.

00:39:55.000 No.

00:39:55.000 Then Chappelle and I were doing a show in Nashville and a show in New Orleans.

00:39:59.000 Those are not going to happen.

00:40:00.000 That's the end of April.

00:40:01.000 Will those get moved?

00:40:03.000 Apparently.

00:40:04.000 I mean, I hope people get the opportunity to get a refund because there's a lot of people right now that probably bought tickets and they're like, fuck, I need that money right now just for food and shit.

00:40:15.000 You're totally right.

00:40:16.000 How many people just have zero check?

00:40:18.000 It's probably like 50% of the population.

00:40:21.000 Right?

00:40:21.000 It's enormously devastating to the economy.

00:40:24.000 Yeah.

00:40:24.000 I mean, we had some people working on our house.

00:40:26.000 I had to fix something in the garage.

00:40:29.000 I was like, are people working?

00:40:31.000 Are they allowed to work?

00:40:32.000 And everyone's just doing social distancing.

00:40:36.000 Yeah.

00:40:37.000 I had some work done and they were excited to do it.

00:40:39.000 Yeah.

00:40:40.000 People were happy to work.

00:40:41.000 Yeah.

00:40:42.000 I've been getting text messages and emails from people that are like...

00:40:46.000 I mean, they had, like, viable businesses, and they counted on the money being in there every week, and there was no plan on the table for anything that involves no one being able to work.

00:40:56.000 Of course.

00:40:57.000 I mean, why would anybody be prepared for this?

00:41:00.000 No one.

00:41:01.000 Of course.

00:41:02.000 And no one knows how long it could last, and I'm just reading something about California where they're talking about, like, shows and concerts.

00:41:09.000 It might be six months.

00:41:10.000 Yeah, I believe it.

00:41:12.000 I mean, it is...

00:41:13.000 So April, May, June, July, August, September?

00:41:17.000 We wouldn't do shows until September?

00:41:20.000 So weird.

00:41:21.000 But I mean...

00:41:21.000 What will it be like, also?

00:41:23.000 Weird.

00:41:24.000 So weird.

00:41:25.000 But it'll be weird for everybody.

00:41:26.000 That's true, that's true.

00:41:27.000 It'd be weird for the audience.

00:41:28.000 It'd be weird for everybody.

00:41:29.000 I keep thinking, too, we know all these people in clubs and they immediately have no job.

00:41:35.000 The servers, cooks, the chefs.

00:41:38.000 Yeah, the servers, we've got to do something for them at the store for sure because they don't have any money.

00:41:44.000 It's not like they're comics who have saved up money and have a few thousand bucks in the bank.

00:41:49.000 Doing those shifts every week and you get tipped out.

00:41:52.000 Yeah.

00:41:54.000 Yeah, it's fucking weird, man.

00:41:57.000 It's going to be weird when everything rolls back up.

00:41:59.000 A lot of restaurants are going to go under.

00:42:01.000 A lot of businesses.

00:42:02.000 Yeah.

00:42:03.000 I think I heard something about the Marriott CEO giving up all his salary and everything just to give it to some of the...

00:42:14.000 Well, that's nice.

00:42:15.000 I think maybe I'm plugging the wrong guy, but one of those CEOs was like, you know, just push it on down.

00:42:22.000 Yeah, I have a buddy of mine who runs a production company, and he had to lay off 30 people yesterday.

00:42:28.000 And he was just like, there's no money coming in.

00:42:32.000 No one's paying him.

00:42:33.000 Everything's shut down.

00:42:34.000 And these workers were like, why don't you just pay us while we're not working?

00:42:39.000 He was like, because I don't want to make any money.

00:42:41.000 It's like, what do you want me to do?

00:42:42.000 Like, I don't know what you want me to do.

00:42:43.000 And it was this weird conversation because he was like, what am I supposed to do?

00:42:48.000 And I'm like, I don't, I hope I never experienced that.

00:42:52.000 I don't know what you're supposed to do.

00:42:54.000 Because I don't know how much, he's not rich.

00:42:57.000 Yeah, it's a real dilemma, man.

00:42:58.000 Yeah, because he's running a production company, right?

00:43:01.000 So he has a huge overhead.

00:43:04.000 We're good to go.

00:43:23.000 Yeah, but people that work for you, I guess, just assume you make more money.

00:43:29.000 You got enough money to pay me.

00:43:30.000 Keep paying me.

00:43:31.000 Crazy.

00:43:32.000 And he's like, I'm not rich.

00:43:34.000 He's like, I barely, you know, he's like, I make enough money every year to live a good life, but not to pay 30 people where there's no money.

00:43:43.000 Of course not.

00:43:43.000 Imagine paying, you're paying 30 people.

00:43:45.000 Let's just say they get 100 grand a year.

00:43:48.000 That's so much money.

00:43:50.000 Yeah, of course.

00:43:51.000 That's so much money.

00:43:52.000 Yeah, that would be 3 million, right?

00:43:55.000 Yeah, like that, gone.

00:43:56.000 Yeah, no, I mean, you have to be able to have...

00:43:58.000 I mean, we have a staff, you know, where we make podcasts.

00:44:01.000 Yeah.

00:44:02.000 And we're continuing to do podcasts, so we can keep paying the staff.

00:44:05.000 Yeah, that's weird, right?

00:44:06.000 We can keep doing this.

00:44:07.000 Yeah.

00:44:07.000 And then you've got to think also, like, if someone is doing that, and you have, you know, 30 people that you're laying off, Those people have to get unemployment.

00:44:18.000 How much unemployment is there?

00:44:20.000 It's a record number by four times the amount that's ever been filed.

00:44:25.000 And it all filed within the same 72 hours.

00:44:29.000 How much money do they have to pay those people?

00:44:31.000 I'm sure it's not enough.

00:44:33.000 I'm sure they don't have enough to pay.

00:44:35.000 I think the numbers come out Thursday.

00:44:38.000 The first numbers of this is how many people don't have a job now.

00:44:42.000 The number's going to be crazy.

00:44:43.000 It's going to be nuts.

00:44:44.000 It's going to be crazy.

00:44:45.000 And what is this quarter going to look like, like on the books?

00:44:48.000 This one and the next one, actually.

00:44:50.000 You've got to assume, let's be conservative and say 40% of the country's out of work.

00:44:56.000 That's conservative, right?

00:44:59.000 That's a good question.

00:45:00.000 I'm not really sure.

00:45:02.000 I don't know.

00:45:03.000 I would imagine it's got to be something like that.

00:45:07.000 40 million people that we're working probably at least are not working right now.

00:45:11.000 That we're working.

00:45:12.000 And this is worldwide.

00:45:13.000 Oh, that number's way fucking higher.

00:45:16.000 Yeah, I mean, just in this country, but worldwide.

00:45:18.000 It's like half the population.

00:45:20.000 Some places are really, like, we are not at a real lockdown.

00:45:24.000 Some places have really locked down.

00:45:25.000 Yeah, we were talking about that before the podcast.

00:45:27.000 Yeah.

00:45:28.000 Yeah.

00:45:28.000 Did you see the Italian mayors screaming at everybody?

00:45:31.000 Stay the fuck home!

00:45:32.000 No!

00:45:33.000 How do you imagine?

00:45:35.000 Yeah, there's a video compilation.

00:45:37.000 I'll send it to Jamie.

00:45:38.000 It's actually pretty funny.

00:45:39.000 There's a video compilation of all these Italian mayors fucking screaming at people to stay the fuck home.

00:45:44.000 My cousin in Peru said you can't walk your dog in Lima right now.

00:45:49.000 So where's your dog's shit?

00:45:50.000 I guess in the house or something.

00:45:51.000 Congratulations.

00:45:52.000 If Marshall had a shit in the house, we'd have a real issue.

00:45:55.000 First of all, he'd be so confused.

00:45:57.000 He'd be like, are you sure?

00:45:58.000 You want me to start doing this?

00:45:59.000 I'd be like, dude, trust me.

00:46:01.000 Just shit right there.

00:46:02.000 Oh, you got it?

00:46:14.000 Nobody leaves their home.

00:46:16.000 Nobody goes out of my scene.

00:46:17.000 It's an order, so watch out.

00:46:20.000 What are you doing with these incontinent dogs?

00:46:24.000 You need to stay at home.

00:46:25.000 People are dying.

00:46:27.000 Don't you get it?

00:46:28.000 This is super Italian.

00:46:32.000 What a beautiful language.

00:46:33.000 Yeah, it's the best.

00:46:38.000 It's a beautiful language.

00:46:40.000 The best.

00:46:41.000 I mean, it's interesting how, like, American language, like, the American, the sound that we make, the way we speak English in America, it's, look at this guy, he's got his mouth, stop writing me letters, it's useless, stay at home,

00:46:57.000 you'll be just fine.

00:47:00.000 All these hairdressers coming to your homes.

00:47:02.000 What the hell are they for?

00:47:05.000 Who the hell is going to see you?

00:47:09.000 Someone coming to your house.

00:47:11.000 They came to my house.

00:47:13.000 It has been to other people's houses.

00:47:15.000 You have coronavirus in your hair instead of hairspray.

00:47:18.000 The rigatoni virus is killing us, everybody.

00:47:22.000 Rigatoni virus is so racist.

00:47:24.000 Look at that guy.

00:47:24.000 How did he get the job?

00:47:25.000 Get out of here.

00:47:26.000 Where's your neck?

00:47:27.000 Where are your hand gestures, sir?

00:47:29.000 What kind of mayor are you?

00:47:30.000 Who are you?

00:47:30.000 What kind of Italian are you?

00:47:33.000 I'm not feeling this guy.

00:47:34.000 Get out of here, pencil neck.

00:47:35.000 Ciao, ragazzi.

00:47:38.000 Shut him off, Jamie.

00:47:42.000 That was funny.

00:47:44.000 Yeah.

00:47:46.000 Well, Italy is losing hundreds and hundreds of people a day.

00:47:49.000 Like yesterday, it was like 500. They said yesterday was the first day where the number dipped.

00:47:54.000 Yeah.

00:47:55.000 But, I mean, it's down.

00:47:55.000 It's still like 500. Day before was 800. Day before was 700. Yeah, it's been nuts.

00:48:01.000 But they do have the second oldest population of a major country in the world.

00:48:06.000 And a giant population of smokers.

00:48:09.000 Yeah.

00:48:09.000 They all smoke over there.

00:48:10.000 And they smoke all day long.

00:48:12.000 And every greeting is kiss, kiss, kiss.

00:48:15.000 And they're all drunk.

00:48:16.000 Yeah, affectionate.

00:48:17.000 And they're all baiting each other.

00:48:18.000 Smoking, fingering each other.

00:48:21.000 Yeah.

00:48:23.000 Yeah.

00:48:23.000 Yeah, I go to Italy every summer.

00:48:25.000 Yeah.

00:48:26.000 Not this summer.

00:48:27.000 Not this summer.

00:48:28.000 No.

00:48:28.000 Maybe it'd be a good discount.

00:48:30.000 Fucking great discount.

00:48:32.000 That country, by the way, like, I mean, a huge part of that GDP is tourism.

00:48:37.000 Yeah.

00:48:37.000 You know, like, I mean, I want to say like over 15%.

00:48:40.000 Mm-hmm.

00:48:41.000 So it's going to be slammed for this year.

00:48:43.000 I know.

00:48:44.000 It's weird.

00:48:44.000 It's like you wonder what does a country do to sort of mitigate the issues that are being caused by that.

00:48:51.000 The only thing I keep thinking about how badly so many places are doing is just that everybody else is doing poorly.

00:48:59.000 You know what I mean?

00:48:59.000 Yes.

00:48:59.000 It's not one place.

00:49:01.000 This is a worldwide pandemic.

00:49:03.000 Yeah.

00:49:03.000 I mean, that's the only thing you can think of.

00:49:04.000 Yeah, that's the only thing you can think of.

00:49:06.000 It's a strange, strange time for us.

00:49:10.000 I'm hoping that on the other end, we come out of this with a little perspective.

00:49:15.000 You know, the people that survive come out of this with a little perspective.

00:49:19.000 Like, hey, we got it good.

00:49:20.000 We got it real fucking good.

00:49:22.000 I think that perspective will last about seven days.

00:49:26.000 Well, with 9-11, it lasted a few months.

00:49:29.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:49:29.000 People will be like...

00:49:30.000 In New York, it lasted a few months.

00:49:32.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:49:32.000 I think it was more special in New York.

00:49:35.000 It'll affect Italians for a long time.

00:49:36.000 You know, places that are devastated by it.

00:49:38.000 I think so.

00:49:39.000 But I mean, yeah, people, you know, humans are just going to react to the current condition usually.

00:49:48.000 Yeah, that's the problem with us.

00:49:50.000 We get real comfortable.

00:49:52.000 Yeah.

00:49:52.000 I saw that somebody tweeted or something that this whole thing is the Earth's vaccine and we're the virus.

00:50:02.000 Who said that?

00:50:03.000 Somebody.

00:50:03.000 Someone trying to be profound.

00:50:04.000 Someone trying to be profound, but then you start looking at it like pollution's down, the water's cleaner, the fish are swimming in the canals of Venice again.

00:50:13.000 That's a good point.

00:50:13.000 Jesus Christ.

00:50:14.000 They got a good point.

00:50:14.000 They have a point.

00:50:15.000 Well, look at Los Angeles air quality.

00:50:17.000 Better than it's been ever.

00:50:18.000 For sure.

00:50:19.000 It's amazing.

00:50:20.000 No one's driving.

00:50:20.000 Yeah.

00:50:21.000 Yeah, but also no one's eating.

00:50:22.000 Yeah.

00:50:23.000 Oh, there's that part.

00:50:25.000 Yeah.

00:50:25.000 Well, the way we live is ridiculous, and our ridiculous is not even as bad as New York's ridiculous.

00:50:31.000 New York's ridiculous is the most ridiculous, because they're literally stacked on top of each other.

00:50:36.000 Yeah.

00:50:36.000 There's no getting away from anybody.

00:50:38.000 They have the most ridiculous way of life.

00:50:40.000 And they love that life.

00:50:42.000 You know, they love the fact that they can go to a hundred different restaurants at midnight.

00:50:46.000 Yeah.

00:50:46.000 You know?

00:50:47.000 Sure, and it's great to be...

00:50:48.000 I mean, I love being around it.

00:50:49.000 I do too.

00:50:50.000 I like to visit.

00:50:50.000 Yeah, it is fun.

00:50:51.000 But I mean, I would hate to be cooped up there right now.

00:50:54.000 Oh, it'd be terrible.

00:50:56.000 Terrible, terrible.

00:50:57.000 I'd want to get out of the city.

00:50:58.000 Yeah.

00:50:59.000 Well, Ari bailed.

00:51:00.000 Yeah.

00:51:01.000 Yeah, I was telling you earlier.

00:51:02.000 He went down to Maryland.

00:51:03.000 It's hilarious.

00:51:04.000 He's like, don't tell.

00:51:06.000 What?

00:51:09.000 Yeah, he likes to keep his woman in the dark.

00:51:11.000 He's like, she doesn't know the extent of this.

00:51:13.000 What do you think I'm going to do?

00:51:15.000 Well, she doesn't have a fucking phone.

00:51:17.000 Yeah, he's like, she doesn't know yet.

00:51:19.000 Don't DM her this shit.

00:51:20.000 Maybe that's why they get along so good.

00:51:22.000 She's like, she balances him out in some sort of strange way.

00:51:25.000 He is so funny, too, in that he, of course, was like, fucking five days ago.

00:51:30.000 I know.

00:51:31.000 Are you guys really fucking freaked out about this?

00:51:32.000 He's like, I'm still doing sets.

00:51:34.000 And then 24 hours later, he's like, I gotta get out of the studio.

00:51:36.000 What are you guys doing?

00:51:37.000 How are you guys keeping social distancing?

00:51:39.000 I'm like, wait, what's going on here?

00:51:40.000 How did you switch so hard?

00:51:41.000 Well, we had this group text that we're in.

00:51:44.000 We were all like, hey, what happened?

00:51:45.000 Yeah.

00:51:46.000 What happened over the last 24 hours?

00:51:47.000 Yeah.

00:51:48.000 Well, a couple people got freaked out, so I freaked out.

00:51:51.000 Like, who freaked you out?

00:51:52.000 Oh, it's so funny when he gets freaked out.

00:51:56.000 It's a weird time, but I bet for Bert's special and for your special, this is going to be fucking bonsai.

00:52:02.000 It's so bizarre.

00:52:04.000 Bonsai's not a good word.

00:52:05.000 Bonanza.

00:52:06.000 A bonanza is what I meant to say.

00:52:07.000 It is bizarre that so many people are forced to be home, and they've already announced that all the views are up.

00:52:15.000 Oh, they have to throttle streaming.

00:52:17.000 Yeah.

00:52:18.000 Yeah.

00:52:19.000 I mean, but I've noticed it too on podcasts, like downloads are up, views are up.

00:52:23.000 People are consuming content, you know.

00:52:25.000 Yeah.

00:52:26.000 And, you know, it also kind of keeps them sane.

00:52:29.000 It's like your show, like your mom's house or this podcast or any of these podcasts that people subscribe to, it's a part of their routine.

00:52:36.000 Yes.

00:52:37.000 At least there's some normalcy and I don't want to overplay that and make it seem like we're doing some great service.

00:52:42.000 No.

00:52:43.000 But there's something that does give people some comfort.

00:52:45.000 I think it's that familiarity of like, I listen to Joe's show, it's on, this distracts me from the chaos for a little bit.

00:52:54.000 I mean, I guess that's why we're allowed to do it, because we're considered part of media.

00:52:58.000 Yeah.

00:52:59.000 I think it's funny that my show is like, well, who farted loudest today?

00:53:04.000 But they're like, yeah, you're part of the media.

00:53:06.000 But it is.

00:53:07.000 I mean, look, if the fucking regular news, that horse shit, if that's media, if that's media, we're definitely media.

00:53:13.000 Yeah.

00:53:14.000 I don't know.

00:53:15.000 I think with the time and wisdom and having experienced and observed media for a while now, and you get to a traumatic thing like this pandemic, I really look at...

00:53:29.000 I watch news.

00:53:30.000 I've always consumed a lot of news.

00:53:32.000 I'm like, so much of this is just ridiculous sensationalism.

00:53:36.000 It really is all that same...

00:53:38.000 There's no different the big news organizations than those bullshit click things Yeah.

00:53:44.000 It's almost like news should be non-profit.

00:53:47.000 I got a fucking breaking story for you.

00:53:49.000 I forgot.

00:53:49.000 Ooh, what?

00:53:50.000 I cannot believe I almost forgot this.

00:53:52.000 Ooh.

00:53:53.000 So, you know the guy in those texts, the big black guy who's sitting with his cock out?

00:54:01.000 Yeah, let's explain that.

00:54:03.000 It's a trick.

00:54:04.000 People always say, the link, oh my god, it's now killing more 20-year-olds than any disease ever.

00:54:10.000 You're like, what?

00:54:10.000 He clicked the link, and there's this jacked black dude with a dick that looks like my leg.

00:54:16.000 Sitting on the edge of the bed, looking like he's like, have you seen a bigger dick?

00:54:20.000 That's what his expression is.

00:54:21.000 And it's limp.

00:54:22.000 It's limp.

00:54:23.000 Yeah, there he is.

00:54:23.000 There he is.

00:54:24.000 That guy.

00:54:24.000 Yeah.

00:54:27.000 Breaking news?

00:54:28.000 Yeah, this is breaking news.

00:54:30.000 He's dead, right?

00:54:30.000 He's dead.

00:54:31.000 He died a few years ago.

00:54:34.000 And by the way, that meme has gone viral.

00:54:41.000 I get 25 a day from different people.

00:54:44.000 I have a doctor friend who sends me.

00:54:46.000 I'm like, Jesus Christ.

00:54:47.000 So it's not just in a comedy circle.

00:54:49.000 And I'm sure people listening or watching have seen it as well.

00:54:56.000 So I was like, man, who is this fucking guy, right?

00:54:59.000 You kind of just get curious.

00:55:01.000 You keep seeing this.

00:55:02.000 And it's sort of like...

00:55:04.000 This sense of relief from the seriousness of the day, right?

00:55:08.000 You'll be having – you're just seeing like these people died and quarantined and then you get this ridiculous text and it's this guy.

00:55:17.000 So I saw an article where the photographer who took that photo was like – he was like, oh, it's so sad that people are using – His image that way.

00:55:30.000 Because, you know, he passed away and he thought it was kind of offensive that he was being used to prank or whatever.

00:55:38.000 And he said, you know, I saw that people started selling merch with this guy's face on it.

00:55:43.000 And he goes, I just wish, he goes, I own the photograph and I'm not trying to come after anyone.

00:55:47.000 I just wish they would share...

00:55:50.000 Proceeds of that merch with the family.

00:55:52.000 So I saw that and I was like, oh, I want to do that.

00:55:55.000 So I launched a shirt with that guy's face on it that says, wash your hands.

00:56:02.000 And then...

00:56:04.000 And then I go, I want to give the proceeds to this man's family.

00:56:14.000 So...

00:56:15.000 Because of that article, I reached out to people and I was able to get in touch with the photographer, the guy who took that picture.

00:56:22.000 And then I found, I got in touch with his, the model's fiancé, who, you know, his ex-fiancé, I mean, whatever, he passed away.

00:56:33.000 So anyways, I contacted her, I found her, I've learned a little bit about this guy in that photo, and I'm giving them the proceeds.

00:56:42.000 From the shirt sales.

00:56:44.000 All of them.

00:56:44.000 All the profits would go to them.

00:56:46.000 And I also found that when he died, the family wasn't prepared financially for anything.

00:56:53.000 So they had to set up a GoFundMe for his funeral and tombstone and all that.

00:56:57.000 So I'm going to blast it out.

00:56:58.000 And I talk to them and they're happy with it.

00:57:00.000 That's my breaking news.

00:57:01.000 That's the breaking news.

00:57:02.000 That's important news.

00:57:03.000 Jamie told me his dick's not really as big.

00:57:05.000 I didn't get into that with her.

00:57:08.000 Jamie said that it's photoshopped.

00:57:11.000 I've heard that as well.

00:57:12.000 I saw the original blog post it came from.

00:57:14.000 You did?

00:57:14.000 Let's see what the original hog looks like.

00:57:16.000 I have to find it now.

00:57:17.000 Oh, please don't tell me that's going to take a while.

00:57:19.000 Could you pull that up?

00:57:20.000 Someone on Twitter.

00:57:21.000 I saw it on Twitter.

00:57:23.000 Let's see the original hog, please.

00:57:25.000 I didn't Google it, so I have to find the link.

00:57:27.000 Just Google original big penis guy.

00:57:30.000 I'm sure that'll come.

00:57:32.000 That's not how you find that, Joe.

00:57:34.000 There's going to be a lot of photos that come up.

00:57:36.000 Show me the original black dick.

00:57:39.000 Adam and Eve.

00:57:40.000 Yeah.

00:57:41.000 But she, it was funny, she was like, you know what was crazy is when I reached out, I found, it took me like, I was doing like detective work, you know, to find her.

00:57:49.000 And she was like, I found out about this meme today.

00:57:53.000 She was like, I didn't even know this was a thing.

00:57:56.000 How did she find out?

00:57:57.000 Oh, people are probably not sending it to her.

00:57:59.000 I think so.

00:58:00.000 Yeah.

00:58:00.000 And then someone was like, have you checked out your neighborhood?

00:58:02.000 Remember your dead husband?

00:58:04.000 Hill O.L. Yeah.

00:58:07.000 But anyways.

00:58:09.000 Yeah.

00:58:09.000 Oh, well.

00:58:11.000 First of all, she's engaged to a porn star.

00:58:13.000 That's gotta be weird.

00:58:14.000 No, but she wasn't.

00:58:14.000 She wasn't?

00:58:15.000 No, she explained to me.

00:58:16.000 She goes, he did those photos when it was a really bad time in his life.

00:58:21.000 He needed money to save the house that he grew up in that was his now.

00:58:24.000 Oh, so he just started slinging that big dick?

00:58:26.000 Yeah, started slinging that dick around.

00:58:29.000 How much money can you make slinging dick as a dude, though?

00:58:32.000 It's like 50 bucks.

00:58:33.000 No, I think you can get more than that.

00:58:35.000 I don't think they make much money.

00:58:36.000 I think the girls make the money, and even they don't make much money.

00:58:40.000 True.

00:58:41.000 It is crazy when you think about, in terms of, like, you did a blowbang for $500.

00:58:46.000 Like, that's crazy.

00:58:47.000 You needed money.

00:58:48.000 Yeah, but if you need the money, then you're just like, who's going to see that?

00:58:51.000 Yeah, that's what you do.

00:58:52.000 But if it's a good one, people will pass it around.

00:58:55.000 I saw a clip once of, it was like after a scene was shot, and then the girl was like, is anybody going to see this?

00:59:03.000 And they were like, they all started to look at each other like, yeah, it's going on the internet.

00:59:07.000 She goes, no, I don't want it to be there.

00:59:08.000 And they're like, that's what you signed up for.

00:59:10.000 She started to cry.

00:59:12.000 No!

00:59:17.000 Yeah, if someone's really dumb and they wind up doing porn, they don't get it.

00:59:21.000 Like, what do you mean?

00:59:22.000 You saw it?

00:59:23.000 You weren't there.

00:59:24.000 How did you see it?

00:59:25.000 How did you see it?

00:59:26.000 They went online.

00:59:28.000 No.

00:59:28.000 Can other people see it?

00:59:29.000 Yeah.

00:59:30.000 And they have.

00:59:31.000 Well, here's the crazy thing.

00:59:33.000 The sheer number of porns.

00:59:37.000 Like, how many porno videos are there?

00:59:40.000 Dude, it's like, and how much are you cranking out every day?

00:59:45.000 You go to any of those sites, it's just like every day they're like, here's 10,000 more.

00:59:49.000 I just have a bit about why they're making new porn, because no one's seen all of them.

00:59:54.000 It's not like movies where you have to follow the plot.

00:59:57.000 It's like, who's jerked off to every porn ever?

00:59:59.000 No one.

01:00:00.000 It has to be some people's world, though, where they're just like, so...

01:00:04.000 Well, some guys get obsessed with a girl.

01:00:07.000 When are you coming out with new content?

01:00:10.000 Yeah, and they go to those meetups.

01:00:13.000 You see the billboards in LA. Adult Con.

01:00:17.000 Expos.

01:00:19.000 They always show footage of those with the hot chicks.

01:00:23.000 That's where the next coronavirus is coming from, those guys.

01:00:26.000 Those guys.

01:00:27.000 Those sweaty-handed dudes.

01:00:28.000 All those guys look like they're in fucking Tiger King.

01:00:31.000 Have you seen that Netflix series?

01:00:32.000 Yes.

01:00:33.000 I watched it yesterday.

01:00:34.000 We were watching it yesterday.

01:00:34.000 Isn't it amazing?

01:00:35.000 Amazing.

01:00:36.000 I only got halfway into it, though, and I had to make a phone call.

01:00:39.000 Yeah, I'm three in.

01:00:41.000 Unbelievable.

01:00:42.000 I vowed to watch the rest of it.

01:00:44.000 How did he lose his legs?

01:00:45.000 Spoiler alert.

01:00:46.000 Oh.

01:00:47.000 Zip-line accident, he said.

01:00:48.000 Zip-line, that's right.

01:00:50.000 Jesus Christ.

01:00:51.000 I thought of Tiger.

01:00:52.000 No.

01:00:53.000 But do you see that bad bitch, though, who got her arm...

01:00:56.000 We went back to work.

01:00:57.000 Five days later, she was like, I was never upset about it.

01:01:00.000 What?

01:01:02.000 Tiger bit off your fucking arm and you weren't upset?

01:01:06.000 And they're filming her with a stub, and you're like, what's going on with her?

01:01:09.000 And the camera's on the guy, Joe Exotic, as it's happening.

01:01:13.000 He's like, I'm never going to financially recover from this.

01:01:15.000 That was his main concern.

01:01:17.000 Never going to financially recover.

01:01:18.000 How about when they're talking about shutting him down?

01:01:20.000 It's like, this is going to be bigger than Waco.

01:01:22.000 Oh, God, yeah.

01:01:23.000 What?

01:01:24.000 Are you going to shoot people if they try to take your tigers?

01:01:27.000 Yeah, he would.

01:01:28.000 I'm sure he would.

01:01:29.000 Dude, it literally is my bit from my last, no, my triggered Netflix special, my 2016 Netflix special, Come to Life.

01:01:39.000 Yeah.

01:01:39.000 That bit about tigers in Texas.

01:01:41.000 Yeah.

01:01:41.000 That you could just have them.

01:01:43.000 Yeah.

01:01:43.000 I had a bit about, I had a bit years before that about the Ohio.

01:01:49.000 Oh, the guy, yeah.

01:01:50.000 Yeah, I had a bit about that.

01:01:51.000 That used to be like one of my...

01:01:52.000 That guy blew his brains out, right?

01:01:54.000 He just let everybody out of the cage and then blew his brains out.

01:01:57.000 Somebody else deal with this.

01:01:59.000 Tigers and lions.

01:02:01.000 Seeing that police footage and seeing the guy give the press conference, he's like, he reads, he's like, this, a cat, and then he looks up and he's like, and 16 lions.

01:02:13.000 He's like, fuck.

01:02:17.000 And they just had to run around and gun them down.

01:02:19.000 Oh, my God.

01:02:20.000 It was terrible.

01:02:21.000 Those cops were not prepared for that either.

01:02:22.000 Those cops aren't big game hunters.

01:02:24.000 They're just lucky they got them all.

01:02:26.000 Yeah.

01:02:28.000 They're not prepared for that.

01:02:29.000 In the same way, cops are not trained for combat.

01:02:32.000 People forget that when there's these big shootings and they're like, why didn't the cops go in there?

01:02:36.000 They're not trained for that, man.

01:02:37.000 Do you remember the North Hollywood shootout?

01:02:39.000 Yeah, of course.

01:02:40.000 I was on news radio at the time and we were all held up in the fucking, we were in the break room watching it.

01:02:46.000 We were like, what the fuck?

01:02:48.000 We were like eating, looking up at this camera where these guys wearing armored vests and high powered rifles.

01:02:56.000 M16s and shit, yeah.

01:02:57.000 Shooting at cops.

01:02:59.000 Crazy.

01:03:00.000 That I remember.

01:03:01.000 I was in high school.

01:03:02.000 And I was watching that and I was like, that's what California's like.

01:03:06.000 You know what I mean?

01:03:08.000 You go, that can only happen in California.

01:03:10.000 Yeah.

01:03:10.000 If people don't know, that was a...

01:03:12.000 That was a game changer.

01:03:13.000 That was a bank robbery where guys had fully automatic machine guns.

01:03:18.000 Yeah, and armored vehicles.

01:03:20.000 Well, they didn't have armored vehicles, but they had full bulletproof vests and suits.

01:03:24.000 Yeah.

01:03:25.000 And they were fully locked up.

01:03:27.000 They were on steroids and coke.

01:03:29.000 And it was like real-life Grand Theft Auto shit, man.

01:03:32.000 Like, real life.

01:03:33.000 Yeah.

01:03:34.000 Like, shooting these fully automatic guns at helicopters and shit, too, and anybody that came in the way.

01:03:40.000 Yeah, I remember there was one...

01:03:41.000 Were they coked up and everything?

01:03:43.000 Oh, yeah.

01:03:43.000 Sure.

01:03:44.000 There was one activist that was upset because the cops let one guy bleed out.

01:03:49.000 They're like, they could have taken him to the hospital and they chose not to.

01:03:53.000 Like, what the fuck is wrong?

01:03:55.000 But it made me realize, like, there's going to be people that complain about everything no matter what.

01:04:00.000 Everything.

01:04:01.000 Everything.

01:04:01.000 Yeah, and they just want to be heard.

01:04:03.000 It's like they just want to have a hot take on things.

01:04:08.000 And they're just waiting for the group of people that go, like, good point.

01:04:14.000 That feels validating.

01:04:15.000 There's always going to be people that do that, too.

01:04:17.000 There's so many of us.

01:04:18.000 There's always going to be someone that agrees with your stupid point.

01:04:21.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:04:22.000 Yeah.

01:04:23.000 That's what social media thrives off of.

01:04:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:04:27.000 I have a stupid point to make.

01:04:28.000 Who else agrees with me?

01:04:29.000 There's always someone.

01:04:31.000 No matter what, there's always something.

01:04:33.000 You could have the most ridiculous point.

01:04:35.000 There's always going to be someone who's like, I'm with him.

01:04:42.000 It's just a numbers game.

01:04:43.000 Yeah.

01:04:44.000 And then they find those people, and then they get on a Reddit page somewhere, and they all get together, and then they agree with each other.

01:04:52.000 Yeah.

01:04:52.000 And then they think, oh, the rest of the world's fucked.

01:04:53.000 And then they just have this echo chamber.

01:04:56.000 Yeah.

01:04:57.000 People love doing that.

01:04:58.000 I mean, that's what flat earthers do.

01:05:00.000 Sure.

01:05:01.000 I mean, if you ever gone...

01:05:03.000 On Rocketman?

01:05:04.000 Did you watch him die?

01:05:06.000 I watched the...

01:05:07.000 Did you see Rocketman die?

01:05:08.000 No.

01:05:09.000 Wait.

01:05:09.000 You want to see that?

01:05:10.000 Okay.

01:05:11.000 Yeah, he shot that rocket up in the air to try to prove that the Earth was flat.

01:05:17.000 And they didn't fasten the parachute correctly to the capsule.

01:05:23.000 And so the parachute goes off with the initial launch.

01:05:26.000 Oh, fuck.

01:05:27.000 Yeah, the parachute's gone, like, right away.

01:05:30.000 And then it falls down.

01:05:32.000 Here it goes.

01:05:32.000 Watch this.

01:05:33.000 Wait, so set up what's happening here.

01:05:34.000 So this guy, he decided he was going to...

01:05:38.000 Proved that the Earth was flat, so he built a rocket and launched himself up into the air.

01:05:45.000 He had done it once before, but this time he launched himself really high to try to film the Earth.

01:05:51.000 So watch.

01:05:52.000 Boom.

01:05:52.000 Look.

01:05:53.000 Oh, there's the parachute.

01:05:53.000 Parachute's gone.

01:05:54.000 Oh.

01:05:54.000 He shoots straight up in the air, and then like, oh my God, what is this breaking news?

01:05:59.000 These fucking idiots.

01:06:00.000 So watch it.

01:06:01.000 It comes down right here.

01:06:03.000 There it is.

01:06:04.000 Oh, so he's just on that.

01:06:05.000 Full speed on the way down.

01:06:07.000 And he's waiting for the parachute to go off.

01:06:09.000 Boom.

01:06:10.000 Yeah.

01:06:11.000 No parachute.

01:06:12.000 Just boom.

01:06:14.000 So how'd the experiment go?

01:06:16.000 Not good.

01:06:17.000 Not well.

01:06:18.000 Not good.

01:06:18.000 Or...

01:06:19.000 Perfect.

01:06:20.000 How did these guys really think that...

01:06:22.000 I mean, how fucking dumb are you?

01:06:24.000 They're pretty dumb.

01:06:25.000 But here's the other thing.

01:06:26.000 How gross is it that in a video like that you have to have like...

01:06:29.000 And coming up next!

01:06:30.000 Like a giant preview video.

01:06:32.000 The guy dying in this.

01:06:33.000 Jesus.

01:06:33.000 Have some respect, you fuck.

01:06:35.000 Jesus Christ.

01:06:36.000 It's the type of person.

01:06:37.000 Did you speak of that crazy shit?

01:06:40.000 Have you seen Tom Hanks' comments?

01:06:43.000 About coronavirus?

01:06:44.000 No, no.

01:06:44.000 The comments in his posts?

01:06:45.000 No.

01:06:46.000 Dude, all the top comments are like, you are a pedophile.

01:06:50.000 You fucked all these kids.

01:06:52.000 What?

01:06:53.000 Dozens of them.

01:06:54.000 Yes.

01:06:55.000 Tom Hanks?

01:06:56.000 Well, because there's like that, there's like flat earthers, I'm saying there's the people who are like, Hollywood is a pedophilia conspiracy.

01:07:03.000 It is, I mean, because I went to just be like, oh, what's, you know, is he recovering?

01:07:07.000 I just always went to his page.

01:07:08.000 Is this on Twitter?

01:07:09.000 No, Instagram.

01:07:11.000 And it's like significant number of them and like with hundreds and thousands of likes.

01:07:17.000 What?

01:07:17.000 Yes!

01:07:18.000 Who?

01:07:18.000 I've never heard this.

01:07:20.000 It's so strange.

01:07:21.000 Who thinks that Tom Hanks is a pedophile?

01:07:22.000 I think they think that any high A-list Hollywood person automatically is a pedophile.

01:07:29.000 His son responded.

01:07:30.000 Did you see that video?

01:07:31.000 No.

01:07:31.000 No, I did not.

01:07:32.000 Yeah, his son who like has made those weird videos last recently like with the reggae voice and stuff.

01:07:36.000 Yeah.

01:07:37.000 He made a video trolling everyone saying like we're in the Illuminati.

01:07:41.000 Oh, that's funny.

01:07:43.000 What's up, everyone?

01:07:45.000 Yeah, it's true.

01:07:46.000 My parents got coronavirus.

01:07:48.000 Crazy.

01:07:49.000 They're both down in Australia right now because my dad was shooting a movie down there.

01:07:54.000 But I just got off the phone with them.

01:07:55.000 But the Instagram comments are fine.

01:07:58.000 They're not even that sick.

01:07:59.000 They're not worried about it.

01:08:00.000 They're not tripping, but they're going through the necessary health precautions, obviously.

01:08:04.000 But I don't think it's anything to be too worried about.

01:08:07.000 I appreciate everyone's concern.

01:08:09.000 Sorry, this is not the one where he talks about the Illuminati.

01:08:12.000 Hey guys, I'm really stressed out right now.

01:08:16.000 It's been coming to my attention that a lot of Trump supporters have been figuring out the truth about me and my family, you know, being in the, you know what I'm talking about, and I don't know what to do right now because everything's starting to come to light.

01:08:29.000 I mean, these extremely reliable websites like 4chan, 8chan have been exposing shit, and it's like if somebody wrote it on the internet, you know it must be true, and it is true, so it's like I don't know how this is going to affect our whole New World agenda.

01:08:43.000 Ever since the Simpsons predicted my dad being the spokesperson for the coronavirus, even though they didn't predict anything, it's just been troublesome, to say the least.

01:08:56.000 I guess I'm just going to have to work extra hard at my human sacrifices.

01:08:59.000 I'm late for one right now, and I'm a little hungry, so I might eat someone's pinnacle.

01:09:04.000 Yeah.

01:09:06.000 Why does he have that all-seeing eye tattooed in the middle of his chest?

01:09:10.000 He has a lot of tattoos.

01:09:11.000 It's a weird choice.

01:09:12.000 What do you got there, Tommy?

01:09:13.000 I was looking at...

01:09:14.000 I pulled up...

01:09:17.000 Hanks' comments.

01:09:19.000 They're so outrageous.

01:09:22.000 What started it off?

01:09:24.000 It's this whole concept that any A-list Hollywood type, I don't know what the origin is of that, but if it's Spielberg, Hanks, Cruz, any of those big-time names, they're like, you're part of the pedophile ring.

01:09:37.000 Because that's how they get to be huge.

01:09:39.000 You have to be a part of the pedophile ring for them to let you become a big movie star?

01:09:43.000 I think so.

01:09:45.000 Oh, it's so exhausting.

01:09:46.000 Yeah.

01:09:47.000 It's so exhausting, these fucking people.

01:09:49.000 It's exhausting.

01:09:51.000 Again, we need a disease that kills morons.

01:09:53.000 This could be it.

01:09:54.000 I don't think it is.

01:09:56.000 No.

01:09:57.000 Yeah.

01:09:58.000 What if they're invulnerable?

01:09:59.000 What if it's like a disease that literally lowers the mean IQ of the world?

01:10:04.000 Like if you're really smart, you just wind up dying.

01:10:07.000 Oh my god.

01:10:09.000 Well, this is a weird disease, too, because my friend, Dr. Peter Atiyah, he said there's some speculation that it might be related to genetics and blood type, people that are more vulnerable to it.

01:10:24.000 Right.

01:10:24.000 Isn't it O type?

01:10:25.000 O positive seems to be the least vulnerable, and A seems to be the most vulnerable.

01:10:29.000 Interesting.

01:10:29.000 I don't even know the blood type.

01:10:31.000 You should know.

01:10:32.000 I don't.

01:10:34.000 I should text my doctor.

01:10:36.000 You should.

01:10:37.000 Find out, bro, if you're vulnerable.

01:10:39.000 And then don't let Bert sneeze on you.

01:10:42.000 He's going to survive everything.

01:10:44.000 Everything.

01:10:44.000 He'll be fine.

01:10:45.000 I know.

01:10:46.000 At the end of it all?

01:10:47.000 He'll be like 85. I really do hope that this is a wake-up call for him and he gets off those fucking medications.

01:10:52.000 We talked about it yesterday.

01:10:54.000 Yeah?

01:10:54.000 Getting off blood pressure medication and all that shit.

01:10:57.000 Doesn't he need it?

01:10:58.000 No, he's fat.

01:10:59.000 He just needs to stop being fat.

01:11:01.000 If he stopped drinking so much, he wouldn't need blood pressure medication.

01:11:05.000 He's fucking boozing every night.

01:11:07.000 If he just took three months off and exercised and ate well and didn't drink bullshit and didn't eat sugar, I guarantee you he wouldn't need any of that.

01:11:16.000 Well, the benefit of this is that where he really goes the hardest is on the road.

01:11:21.000 Yes.

01:11:22.000 The road really fucks with him.

01:11:23.000 We talked about that yesterday.

01:11:24.000 I asked him if he was a prisoner to this sort of image that he's created, and he's like, kind of, yeah.

01:11:30.000 Definitely.

01:11:31.000 Yeah, I mean, that party animal image is, it's unsustainable.

01:11:37.000 It's also, he doesn't, you know, he has that personality where he doesn't want to let somebody down.

01:11:40.000 So if somebody, even if he's done for the night, he's like, all right, I'm definitely going in.

01:11:45.000 Yeah.

01:11:45.000 And somebody's like, hey, man, one more shot.

01:11:47.000 One more shot.

01:11:48.000 He's going to go.

01:11:49.000 Okay, let's do it.

01:11:50.000 Come on.

01:11:51.000 He's going to do it.

01:11:53.000 Were you a Hunter S. Thompson fan at all?

01:11:55.000 No, I never really got into it, was exposed to it that much.

01:11:59.000 I'm a big fan of his.

01:12:01.000 And when he died, one of the saddest things was watching the interviews before he died because he was a heavy boozer, drug user.

01:12:10.000 Yeah, I know that.

01:12:11.000 Deep into his 60s, right?

01:12:13.000 Yeah.

01:12:13.000 How old was he when he died?

01:12:15.000 He was in his 70s when he died, I think.

01:12:16.000 Was he 70s?

01:12:17.000 How old was Hunter S. Thompson when he died?

01:12:20.000 What are you doing?

01:12:21.000 I finally just found that link.

01:12:23.000 Oh, the guy's original dick?

01:12:24.000 It took me to a fucking...

01:12:26.000 I'm deep on the internet right now.

01:12:27.000 Oh.

01:12:28.000 Do you want to see where I'm at?

01:12:29.000 Well, let's just show the dick.

01:12:30.000 Let's see the original dick.

01:12:31.000 He's like, it's deep on it.

01:12:34.000 It's huge.

01:12:34.000 It's a different picture.

01:12:37.000 But that's a different picture.

01:12:39.000 It's the same photo shoot.

01:12:40.000 Right, but where's the actual photo?

01:12:43.000 Whoa.

01:12:44.000 See, that's what I'm saying.

01:12:45.000 Hold on.

01:12:45.000 I got into a weird part.

01:12:46.000 Is he eating someone's ass?

01:12:47.000 I got into a weird part of the internet, man.

01:12:49.000 Scroll down.

01:12:51.000 Keep scrolling.

01:12:53.000 I think it's a different guy.

01:12:57.000 This is a know your meme thing.

01:12:59.000 Guy's a giant dick there, dude.

01:13:01.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

01:13:02.000 Look at the size of his hog.

01:13:03.000 It's not the same one though.

01:13:05.000 Well, that's a weird angle right there.

01:13:06.000 Anyway, you could make that bigger so we can...

01:13:09.000 We need to analyze it.

01:13:10.000 It's still a giant hog, bro.

01:13:12.000 Looks like it's not a small dick.

01:13:13.000 I think you're wrong, Jamie.

01:13:14.000 I think it's the same hog.

01:13:17.000 Hot and beefy Muscle Bear.

01:13:19.000 Oh, Muscle Bear.

01:13:21.000 So he was doing that kind of porn.

01:13:23.000 Yeah.

01:13:23.000 Oh.

01:13:24.000 Okay.

01:13:25.000 I think he's doing, looks like he's doing solo shots, you know.

01:13:29.000 Okay.

01:13:30.000 Just take pictures of me.

01:13:30.000 I need some money.

01:13:31.000 Just take pictures of me beaten off.

01:13:32.000 Yeah.

01:13:33.000 There's a lot of money in that.

01:13:34.000 Maybe.

01:13:35.000 I don't know.

01:13:37.000 Sardin' OnlyFans, Jamie.

01:13:38.000 What were we just talking about before that?

01:13:42.000 We were talking about Burt and partying and...

01:13:48.000 Fuck.

01:13:49.000 Onto the road, not being on the road.

01:13:51.000 Yeah, we passed that though.

01:13:53.000 We're talking about new stuff.

01:13:56.000 People at home are screaming.

01:13:59.000 We're not even high.

01:14:00.000 How about that?

01:14:00.000 I know.

01:14:01.000 I'm not even high and my memory sucks.

01:14:03.000 Being a prisoner though to that...

01:14:06.000 Oh, Hunter S. Thompson.

01:14:07.000 Hunter S. Thompson, sorry.

01:14:08.000 When he was...

01:14:09.000 Oh, how old was he when he died?

01:14:10.000 That's the question.

01:14:12.000 When he died, you barely could understand a word he was saying.

01:14:16.000 Because he was so...

01:14:17.000 He would just stumble all of his words in together.

01:14:21.000 67. That's incredible.

01:14:23.000 I think I remember that.

01:14:25.000 Didn't he kill himself after a football game?

01:14:27.000 No, he killed himself because the NFL was over.

01:14:29.000 Well, there was no NFL. After the Super Bowl or something, right?

01:14:33.000 He got in an argument with his wife.

01:14:34.000 He shot at her with a pellet gun and then went inside and blew his brains out.

01:14:41.000 Something along those lines.

01:14:44.000 But when he died, before he died, he would go on Conan and take Conan with him in the backyard.

01:14:52.000 I don't know if you've ever seen those videos.

01:14:54.000 He had this house in Woody Creek, which is outside of Aspen, and he would shoot guns out there and had Conan come and visit him, and you could barely understand a word he was saying.

01:15:05.000 He was so fucked up.

01:15:08.000 It's like his ability to express himself was just gone.

01:15:13.000 It was just all the words blurred and mumbled together.

01:15:17.000 You think Bert's in danger of that kind of thing?

01:15:19.000 Sure.

01:15:20.000 20 years from now?

01:15:21.000 If he keeps going hard in the paint every night?

01:15:24.000 I mean, when Hunter was in his 40s, he was fine.

01:15:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:15:27.000 When Hunter was in his 40s is when he was running for sheriff, I think.

01:15:31.000 I think.

01:15:32.000 Maybe it was his 30s.

01:15:35.000 I don't know.

01:15:36.000 It's just that life of boozing is so unsustainable.

01:15:41.000 Yeah.

01:15:41.000 The pot smoking thing is so sustainable.

01:15:44.000 It's so shocking.

01:15:45.000 Like, you talk to Tommy Chong.

01:15:47.000 He's fine.

01:15:49.000 He's like 80 years old.

01:15:51.000 He's been smoking pot his whole life.

01:15:53.000 He can talk to you fine.

01:15:54.000 Yeah.

01:15:55.000 But the booze will wear on you.

01:15:57.000 Booze crushes you.

01:15:58.000 That's true.

01:15:59.000 What was the other author?

01:16:00.000 That guy really got fucked up.

01:16:01.000 Bukowski?

01:16:02.000 Yeah.

01:16:03.000 Man.

01:16:04.000 How did he die?

01:16:06.000 Was it alcoholism?

01:16:09.000 No way.

01:16:10.000 Did he kill himself?

01:16:11.000 I don't know.

01:16:13.000 I forget.

01:16:14.000 But I remember he looked like fucking shit.

01:16:16.000 He looked like hell.

01:16:17.000 Yeah.

01:16:17.000 Remember Mickey Rourke played him in that movie Barfly?

01:16:20.000 Uh-uh.

01:16:21.000 You don't remember?

01:16:21.000 No.

01:16:22.000 Yeah, Mickey Rourke and Faye Dunaway.

01:16:24.000 I just remember...

01:16:27.000 Leukemia.

01:16:27.000 Oh, leukemia.

01:16:28.000 Yeah, probably related to alcohol, for sure.

01:16:29.000 But when he, I remember the footage of when the documentary crew was in his house, Bukowski, he's like, you fucking cunt.

01:16:37.000 Yeah.

01:16:38.000 He kicks her.

01:16:38.000 Oh, he kicked the girl?

01:16:39.000 Yeah.

01:16:39.000 He's like, whoa.

01:16:40.000 That's how they rocked it all day long.

01:16:43.000 That was the way they lived.

01:16:44.000 Yeah.

01:16:46.000 Yeah, that white trash, romanticized white trash, boozy life.

01:16:51.000 It's very strange because he was a brilliant poet.

01:16:53.000 Yeah.

01:16:53.000 He would write interesting shit and you'd go, wow.

01:16:57.000 That book, Post Office?

01:16:59.000 That's fantastic.

01:17:00.000 Yeah.

01:17:01.000 Yeah.

01:17:02.000 He did a lot of great stuff, great short pieces.

01:17:04.000 Yeah.

01:17:05.000 But, you know, his life was just gross.

01:17:09.000 Yeah, dude, yeah.

01:17:11.000 It was Hollywood gross.

01:17:13.000 You know?

01:17:14.000 Like living in Hollywood, just going to the bars, drinking...

01:17:17.000 Bars, bars, bars, yeah.

01:17:19.000 Smoking and talking slow.

01:17:20.000 Oh, man.

01:17:21.000 I know.

01:17:22.000 I can't imagine...

01:17:22.000 I mean, thinking about it makes me feel sick.

01:17:25.000 Like, to be in bars, just drinking and smoking all day.

01:17:28.000 All day.

01:17:28.000 Yeah.

01:17:29.000 Just going to bars and talking shit.

01:17:32.000 Yeah.

01:17:33.000 Like, there's some funny videos of him reading...

01:17:38.000 Reading his stories, like doing public readings, and people are interrupting him.

01:17:42.000 He's threatening to stab them.

01:17:44.000 Yeah.

01:17:45.000 It's just so fucked up.

01:17:46.000 Yeah.

01:17:47.000 Ugh.

01:17:48.000 Yeah, he was a wild dude.

01:17:50.000 Yeah.

01:17:51.000 Yeah.

01:17:52.000 Yeah, I mean, but that was part of his appeal.

01:17:54.000 Part of his appeal was that, here's this guy, it's like, he's not trying to be commercially successful, he's not trying to buy a mansion and have a big yard on the fence.

01:18:04.000 He's just living in some shitty apartment, drinking heavily, and just cranking out work.

01:18:12.000 I remember reading his stuff for the first time and just being like, I didn't know anybody wrote like this.

01:18:16.000 Yeah.

01:18:16.000 Because of how, like, he would be so vulgar in it, too, you know?

01:18:19.000 Yeah, I know.

01:18:20.000 Yeah.

01:18:20.000 I really liked it.

01:18:21.000 Yeah, a lot of people did.

01:18:23.000 You should see Barfly.

01:18:25.000 Yeah, I should.

01:18:26.000 It's weird.

01:18:27.000 Mickey Rourke plays it.

01:18:28.000 He does a weird take on him, too.

01:18:30.000 A toast to all my friends.

01:18:32.000 He's always getting in fights.

01:18:34.000 He's, like, at this bar getting fucked up and getting in fights, getting his ass kicked.

01:18:39.000 Yeah.

01:18:40.000 But it's just this agreement that everyone has.

01:18:46.000 Like, everyone's fucked up.

01:18:47.000 And you're all just gonna meet together at this place and be fucked up together.

01:18:51.000 Yeah.

01:18:52.000 And live your fucked up lives all drunk.

01:18:55.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.

01:18:56.000 It's not for me.

01:18:57.000 But I enjoy watching it.

01:18:59.000 Do you have moments with Burt where you're alone with him off-camera, where you try to talk some sense into him?

01:19:07.000 About, like, his crazy lifestyle stuff?

01:19:09.000 About the booze.

01:19:10.000 Yeah.

01:19:10.000 Yeah, sure.

01:19:11.000 Yeah, I've talked to him before about it.

01:19:12.000 I mean, you know, the thing about him is that he's so, like, high-functioning, and he is the perfect person He has the perfect defense of, like, I'm fine, because he can do so much,

01:19:30.000 and he's not sleeping in.

01:19:33.000 He's getting up with the kids for school.

01:19:36.000 He's going on tour.

01:19:37.000 Joey says he goes back to bed.

01:19:39.000 Does he?

01:19:39.000 Yeah.

01:19:40.000 I don't know that.

01:19:40.000 He goes back to bed.

01:19:41.000 He's drinking at 11. He goes back to bed.

01:19:46.000 That's what Joey said.

01:19:47.000 I go, really?

01:19:47.000 He goes, yeah.

01:19:48.000 Tells you he gets up with the kids.

01:19:49.000 That motherfucker sleeps till two in the afternoon.

01:19:51.000 Really?

01:19:52.000 He goes right back to bed.

01:19:53.000 Joey told me the other day.

01:19:54.000 He goes, I got two fucked up the other day.

01:19:56.000 Too fucked up?

01:19:57.000 Yeah.

01:19:57.000 He's like, even me.

01:19:59.000 I go, what happened?

01:20:00.000 He's like, I fight some 400 milligram thing.

01:20:03.000 I fell asleep.

01:20:04.000 Phyconin?

01:20:05.000 No, no, no.

01:20:05.000 400, like, milligrams of THC. Oh, oh, oh.

01:20:07.000 And he goes, he's like, Tom Segura.

01:20:09.000 He always says, you know, your full fucking name.

01:20:11.000 Tom Segura, I had M&Ms in my teeth on the sleep apnea machine.

01:20:15.000 He was like, it was bad.

01:20:16.000 My wife saw me and she was like, what are you doing?

01:20:18.000 He goes, what do you prefer?

01:20:19.000 That I do this or I'm out there robbing people?

01:20:22.000 He gives you some fucked up options.

01:20:24.000 Yeah, and she was like, good point.

01:20:26.000 That's not a good point.

01:20:27.000 No.

01:20:28.000 Those aren't the two options you have.

01:20:31.000 If anybody, if I had a magic wand and one person to fix their lifestyle, it would be Joey.

01:20:36.000 It would be clean up his diet.

01:20:39.000 Yeah.

01:20:40.000 That's got to be as unhealthy as Bert, if not more.

01:20:43.000 Yeah.

01:20:44.000 He's so big.

01:20:46.000 And, you know, he's 60 years old almost.

01:20:49.000 You can't last being that big.

01:20:52.000 But he's already in a much better place than he was 10 years prior, right?

01:20:57.000 Yes.

01:20:57.000 But, well, no.

01:20:58.000 10 years ago, he lost a shitload of weight.

01:21:01.000 There was one point in time where he lost like 80 pounds.

01:21:04.000 Yeah.

01:21:04.000 Remember?

01:21:05.000 He said, my head looked too big.

01:21:07.000 That was like his reasoning.

01:21:09.000 I gotta gain weight again?

01:21:10.000 Reasoning for gaining weight.

01:21:12.000 But he can do it.

01:21:13.000 Yeah.

01:21:14.000 Like Red Band did that too.

01:21:15.000 Red Band got really skinny.

01:21:17.000 Red Band got down like 160. He did.

01:21:19.000 Remember that?

01:21:20.000 Yes.

01:21:21.000 And then I went a long time without seeing him.

01:21:23.000 And then I saw him again and he put on a bunch.

01:21:26.000 We're all capable of it.

01:21:28.000 I go up and down all the time.

01:21:30.000 For me, you can always tell if I'm gaining weight, it's not exercise for me.

01:21:36.000 It's that I started eating sugar again.

01:21:38.000 I worked out like crazy last year.

01:21:42.000 There was points where I was working out, like, out of 75 days, I'd work out, like, 62 of them, you know?

01:21:49.000 Wow.

01:21:49.000 But I was not dropping weight.

01:21:51.000 Because you were eating.

01:21:52.000 I was eating, yeah.

01:21:52.000 Yeah, you want a reward for all that hard working out and eat a piece of cake.

01:21:56.000 Yeah, and then I also...

01:21:58.000 Sometimes it's not even the cake, it's like...

01:22:01.000 You'll see somebody who works out a lot and eats a large, balanced diet, and I'll be like, well, I want to do that.

01:22:08.000 You know what you should do?

01:22:09.000 Eat nothing but duck eggs for a whole month.

01:22:12.000 You lose so much weight.

01:22:13.000 Gooey jizz in my mouth.

01:22:14.000 You lose so much weight.

01:22:17.000 I have to eliminate.

01:22:18.000 This is the noise you make when you eat a duck egg.

01:22:21.000 Ugh.

01:22:24.000 You're really going to cripple the duck egg industry with this one.

01:22:27.000 They can suck my dick.

01:22:28.000 All those duck egg-selling assholes.

01:22:30.000 I'm going to stick to chicken eggs.

01:22:33.000 They're better.

01:22:34.000 They're better.

01:22:35.000 Duck eggs are okay.

01:22:36.000 Maybe people are into them.

01:22:37.000 Maybe I cooked them wrong.

01:22:38.000 I'm sorry, duck egg people.

01:22:39.000 Yeah, you're going to get some messages about that.

01:22:42.000 But I have to do the protein-fat thing.

01:22:45.000 I have to.

01:22:45.000 It's the only way that I'll not blow up.

01:22:48.000 Did you quit the carnivore diet?

01:22:50.000 Yeah.

01:22:50.000 How long did you last?

01:22:51.000 I did it hardcore for about a month, and then I did- How long before the diarrhea went away?

01:22:56.000 It was about 10 days.

01:22:58.000 I got a text from you, this diarrhea is astonishing.

01:23:00.000 It was.

01:23:01.000 It was.

01:23:04.000 Great name for diarrhea.

01:23:05.000 Astonishing.

01:23:06.000 I have photos in my phone that I saved.

01:23:08.000 Because I'm like, this is crazy.

01:23:09.000 I have ink.

01:23:10.000 There's black ink.

01:23:11.000 The other real special diarrhea that I had was when...

01:23:15.000 So I went from just doing that hardcore to having some greens, but meat, meat, fat, and then some greens.

01:23:23.000 That was fine.

01:23:24.000 It was when that first day of like, ah, fuck it, gonna have some pasta and a donut today.

01:23:29.000 And then it was like...

01:23:30.000 Like just immediate crazy shits.

01:23:33.000 Crazy shits.

01:23:35.000 Your body's like, make up your mind.

01:23:38.000 I'm here to punish you.

01:23:39.000 I had to hold on to the side of the seat.

01:23:41.000 Launch.

01:23:42.000 Like Rocket Man.

01:23:44.000 Really, really extraordinary.

01:23:46.000 Yeah.

01:23:49.000 Yeah, there's a volume that's astonishing, right?

01:23:52.000 It's like the amount that comes out.

01:23:54.000 I don't even think I ate that much.

01:23:55.000 You would know, too.

01:23:57.000 You had this warning.

01:23:58.000 Your stomach does things that tells you, like, you're going to want to sit down for this one.

01:24:03.000 Yeah, there's little explosions, like, pop, pop, pop.

01:24:06.000 Yeah.

01:24:07.000 And when you feel the liquid, you feel water in your gut.

01:24:10.000 I think I strengthened my asshole muscles though.

01:24:13.000 That's good.

01:24:14.000 Because I was clamping them down so often where I was like, yikes!

01:24:18.000 And then I barely made it to the toilet.

01:24:20.000 That is, yeah.

01:24:21.000 I just never saw it coming because most of what I was eating before was kind of carnivoresque.

01:24:28.000 And then I would have like a little bit of vegetables or some pasta or something like that.

01:24:33.000 But I lost 12 pounds in a month.

01:24:35.000 In a month?

01:24:36.000 Yeah.

01:24:36.000 And got shredded pretty easy.

01:24:37.000 And I kept most of it off.

01:24:39.000 Yeah.

01:24:39.000 I think I gained maybe three or four because I went back to eating pasta and bread.

01:24:45.000 And during this quarantine, I'm not on any diet.

01:24:49.000 I'm just...

01:24:49.000 Because my concern is...

01:24:52.000 Just, I mean, what if it's hard to get food?

01:24:55.000 Yeah.

01:24:55.000 You know, I want to make sure that I'm just eating food.

01:24:57.000 Yeah.

01:24:58.000 I'm not thinking about the way I look.

01:25:00.000 I don't think diet is a real big concern.

01:25:02.000 I mean, you know, I'm not trying to, like, go off the rails, but it's like...

01:25:05.000 Yeah.

01:25:06.000 I lost 10 in that month.

01:25:08.000 Oh, that's pretty good.

01:25:09.000 Yeah.

01:25:11.000 Yeah, if you just cut out the sugar.

01:25:13.000 You just feel so much better, too.

01:25:32.000 I know.

01:25:34.000 There's a thing that I get when I'll eat carnivore where I'll have a big steak, right?

01:25:38.000 So I'll eat a steak and then I'm done.

01:25:41.000 I'm done eating.

01:25:42.000 Unless I want a cookie.

01:25:44.000 Then I can have more room.

01:25:46.000 I've got more room for that cookie.

01:25:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:25:48.000 Or pasta.

01:25:49.000 I've got more room for that pasta.

01:25:50.000 It's incredible on the carnivore thing the amount that I can eat and not feel like that stuff feeling at all.

01:25:58.000 At all.

01:25:59.000 Like a 22 ounce fucking t-bone.

01:26:01.000 And you feel fine.

01:26:03.000 I feel fine.

01:26:03.000 And you don't feel wrecked.

01:26:04.000 No.

01:26:05.000 Yeah.

01:26:05.000 It's the best feeling after food because you don't feel like you fucked up.

01:26:11.000 Yeah.

01:26:12.000 You feel like you have all your mental capacity.

01:26:14.000 You have full mental capabilities.

01:26:17.000 You can think and talk.

01:26:19.000 When I eat a big bowl, like if I eat lasagna or something like that, I'm not talking to nobody about nothing.

01:26:24.000 No.

01:26:24.000 If you talk to me, I don't know what I'm saying.

01:26:27.000 I'm just going, what?

01:26:28.000 Yeah.

01:26:28.000 What are we talking about?

01:26:29.000 Brain shuts down.

01:26:30.000 And I start to go like, those types of burps.

01:26:35.000 The gut starts to push out more.

01:26:37.000 And then I'll start ripping crazy farts.

01:26:40.000 Yeah.

01:26:40.000 Like, I farted last...

01:26:42.000 Christina made this pasta dish, and last night I farted so crazy, she goes, do you even respect me anymore?

01:26:47.000 I was like, yeah, but I mean, this is what's going on right now.

01:26:50.000 This happens.

01:26:51.000 This is marriage.

01:26:54.000 Do your kids understand farts yet?

01:26:56.000 Oh, yeah.

01:26:57.000 Well, like, my oldest will be like, you're a fart.

01:27:02.000 How old is he now?

01:27:03.000 He's four, and he loves them.

01:27:05.000 He talks about them, and he even has that thing that, like...

01:27:10.000 Like, the almost implied shame.

01:27:12.000 Like, did you just fart?

01:27:13.000 He's like, no, I didn't fart.

01:27:14.000 You fart.

01:27:14.000 Like, he knows that, like, you know what I mean?

01:27:17.000 Like, you don't want to be...

01:27:18.000 Right, the farter.

01:27:19.000 Yeah.

01:27:19.000 And then my youngest is, what, 20 months.

01:27:22.000 You fart.

01:27:23.000 He's like...

01:27:23.000 He just, like, nods and smiles.

01:27:26.000 He thinks it's great.

01:27:27.000 He thinks it's great.

01:27:28.000 Farts are always gonna be funny with some kids.

01:27:31.000 Yeah.

01:27:31.000 Just one of those things.

01:27:32.000 Two little boys, man.

01:27:33.000 They just, they love it.

01:27:34.000 Yeah.

01:27:35.000 Yeah, you got little savages.

01:27:36.000 I do.

01:27:37.000 My oldest is like, he called me a little fuck the other day.

01:27:39.000 Whoa.

01:27:40.000 Yeah.

01:27:40.000 Whoa.

01:27:41.000 And threw little in there.

01:27:42.000 He goes, you little fuck.

01:27:43.000 And I was like, hey!

01:27:45.000 What?

01:27:46.000 Over what?

01:27:48.000 It was like, hey, no, you can't have that right now.

01:27:51.000 He was like, oh.

01:27:51.000 He's like, little fuck.

01:27:52.000 I go, what was that?

01:27:53.000 He goes, you little fuck.

01:27:54.000 I go, no.

01:27:55.000 I go, you don't do that.

01:27:57.000 You don't do that.

01:27:58.000 But daddy, you do that for a living.

01:28:00.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:28:01.000 And he goes, well, you're a jerk.

01:28:02.000 And I go, you don't call me that either.

01:28:04.000 Where are you getting this?

01:28:05.000 Yeah.

01:28:05.000 Call me a fuck.

01:28:07.000 You little fuck.

01:28:09.000 When are you going to let him watch you on television?

01:28:12.000 You know, I've tried to do it for a moment to see, like, what his interest is.

01:28:16.000 I'll be like, hey, check this.

01:28:17.000 Who's this?

01:28:18.000 And it'll be like me.

01:28:19.000 And I'll show it to him.

01:28:20.000 And he's like, yeah, anyway.

01:28:21.000 And he just immediately turns away.

01:28:23.000 He doesn't give a fuck.

01:28:23.000 No, he's like, put the fucking Paw Patrol back on.

01:28:28.000 Yeah.

01:28:28.000 I know they don't care.

01:28:29.000 It's you.

01:28:30.000 You're right here right in front of me.

01:28:31.000 What do I give a shit if you're on the phone?

01:28:33.000 Yeah, doesn't care.

01:28:34.000 One day he's gonna appreciate it.

01:28:35.000 One day.

01:28:36.000 Are your kids into it yet?

01:28:37.000 They get weirded out, but...

01:28:40.000 Have they seen people approach you?

01:28:41.000 They do not like that.

01:28:42.000 Yeah.

01:28:42.000 They do not like that.

01:28:43.000 Yeah.

01:28:44.000 My littlest especially does not like that.

01:28:48.000 Because people don't pay attention to her.

01:28:49.000 They just start talking to me, and if she's talking to me, people interrupt her to talk to me, and it gets her really angry.

01:28:56.000 She'll pull on me.

01:28:58.000 That makes sense.

01:28:58.000 It does.

01:28:59.000 It makes sense.

01:29:00.000 My oldest saw somebody talking to me, and they walked away.

01:29:04.000 I could tell he wanted to be like, what was that all about?

01:29:06.000 Do you know that guy?

01:29:07.000 Yeah.

01:29:08.000 My kids always say that.

01:29:10.000 Do you know him?

01:29:10.000 I'm like, no.

01:29:12.000 But he comes up to you like he knows you.

01:29:14.000 I go, yeah.

01:29:16.000 It took them a while to figure out.

01:29:18.000 They've never seen me perform, but one time we were all in Irvine together, and I was doing the improv, and I snuck them backstage.

01:29:27.000 I'm like, you want to see what the crowd looks like?

01:29:29.000 And then they peeked behind the counter, and they're like, oh my god, there's so many people.

01:29:33.000 I'm like, yeah.

01:29:34.000 And this is only a comedy club.

01:29:36.000 This isn't even a theater, and it's not even an arena.

01:29:39.000 It's crazy.

01:29:40.000 I want them to come to an arena one day just to see how bonkers that is.

01:29:44.000 You have to.

01:29:45.000 Because it's so bonkers.

01:29:46.000 Of course.

01:29:47.000 It's going to blow their minds.

01:29:48.000 They'd be like, wait a minute, wait a minute.

01:29:50.000 They're here for you?

01:29:51.000 But who knows if that'll ever happen again?

01:29:54.000 I know.

01:29:55.000 Who knows?

01:29:57.000 No one saw this coming.

01:29:59.000 I mean, people that put on concerts and No, yeah.

01:30:05.000 Sporting events and...

01:30:06.000 Entertainment has completely shifted.

01:30:10.000 Other than this kind of shit.

01:30:11.000 Yeah, this is it.

01:30:12.000 This is it.

01:30:12.000 Yeah, this is it.

01:30:13.000 Yeah, somebody was, you know, I saw these ideas because people were, you know, doing virtual performance, you know, whatever.

01:30:19.000 You can go live and play a guitar or sing and they're like, people are like, you should do like virtual comedy shows.

01:30:25.000 I'm like...

01:30:26.000 You have to have the live audience.

01:30:28.000 What's that dude's name that did that one comedy special?

01:30:31.000 Gerard Carmichael filmed it.

01:30:33.000 I don't know his name.

01:30:34.000 I don't know his name, but I know you're talking...

01:30:36.000 That was the no audience comedy special.

01:30:38.000 It's a strange concept.

01:30:39.000 Terrible idea.

01:30:40.000 Yeah, I don't...

01:30:41.000 Yeah, when Gerard was telling me, I was like, what?

01:30:44.000 Yeah.

01:30:44.000 Like, what are you going to do?

01:30:45.000 I think the idea of the audience has played out.

01:30:48.000 The audience?

01:30:50.000 Is that what I said?

01:30:50.000 You mean the most important part of a comedy show?

01:30:53.000 The fact there's people there to laugh?

01:30:55.000 Gets it unusual.

01:30:56.000 So you know that it's funny?

01:30:57.000 I'm like, alright.

01:30:58.000 I think they took a swing.

01:30:59.000 Yeah.

01:31:00.000 It didn't work out.

01:31:01.000 I mean, I guess, you know, I respect taking high risk, you know.

01:31:05.000 That's a dumb risk, though.

01:31:07.000 Yeah.

01:31:07.000 That's like, I'm going to swim, but with no water.

01:31:09.000 What do you think of that, bro?

01:31:10.000 I'm going to swim in the bottom of the pool.

01:31:11.000 I'm just going to see who can just do swimming motions.

01:31:14.000 Yeah.

01:31:15.000 See how fast I can get across the pool.

01:31:17.000 It is strange.

01:31:18.000 I mean, like, that's one that I never thought somebody would try to do.

01:31:22.000 I never thought HBO would go, great idea!

01:31:24.000 HBO signs off on a lot of outrageous ideas.

01:31:28.000 I don't think they know what they're doing.

01:31:29.000 I mean, they made Game of Thrones, so they're probably like, well, we know it.

01:31:33.000 We got it.

01:31:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:31:34.000 We're the shit.

01:31:35.000 Well, they hit a home run for sure.

01:31:38.000 Every cycle of shows, they always have one that goes, oh my god.

01:31:42.000 Did you watch The Outsider?

01:31:45.000 No.

01:31:46.000 That's great.

01:31:46.000 I watched McMillions.

01:31:47.000 That was fantastic.

01:31:48.000 I didn't see that.

01:31:49.000 Oh, that's the McDonald's one?

01:31:50.000 Mm-hmm.

01:31:50.000 Is that HBO as well?

01:31:51.000 It's HBO, yeah.

01:31:52.000 Good?

01:31:52.000 My cousin made that.

01:31:53.000 It's great.

01:31:54.000 Really?

01:31:54.000 Your cousin made it?

01:31:55.000 Cousin made it.

01:31:55.000 No shit.

01:31:56.000 Yeah, it's fantastic.

01:31:58.000 It is such a cool fucking story.

01:32:00.000 The whole scope of that scam is...

01:32:03.000 It will fucking blow your mind.

01:32:05.000 What is the scam?

01:32:06.000 So it was a lottery thing or something like that?

01:32:09.000 So you obviously remember the Monopoly game that you would play, right?

01:32:13.000 I don't.

01:32:14.000 Oh yeah, you're kind of healthy.

01:32:17.000 I don't eat that shit.

01:32:18.000 But it was humongous.

01:32:21.000 So what happened was they would do it like maybe like twice a year where they would go...

01:32:27.000 The Monopoly McDonald's game.

01:32:29.000 What happened is you go to McDonald's and you would buy a Happy Meal or Big Mac and on like the fries and the drink would be like a peel off thing and you could win prizes.

01:32:41.000 So you pull off It's something as small as you want free fries.

01:32:48.000 So you could be like, hey, I won another order of fries or a Coke or a jet ski or a car.

01:32:54.000 And then there were cash prizes, million-dollar prizes.

01:32:57.000 So by playing the game, which was essentially buy something, buy a meal, and it would drive up sales, obviously, right?

01:33:05.000 Sales would go way up because people wanted to win these prizes.

01:33:08.000 Well, everybody that won For this, I want to say, I forget now, but like 15 year period or something, they were all in on a scam.

01:33:20.000 They were all fake winners.

01:33:22.000 A guy was stealing pieces and giving them to people connected to him.

01:33:31.000 It was all a lie.

01:33:33.000 Nobody was legitimately winning.

01:33:34.000 How did he do that?

01:33:35.000 That's the whole, that's the series, man.

01:33:38.000 And it's fucking fascinating.

01:33:41.000 At one point, this guy's giving it to people he knows.

01:33:49.000 They're talking about it in the series, like people connected to them.

01:33:52.000 They're like, after a while, it's weird that 10 winners have won in this 300-mile radius, and eight of them are Italian.

01:33:59.000 We're like, we've got to branch out a little bit here, because no one's tipped off yet because the guy was Italian.

01:34:04.000 He was going to friends and family.

01:34:07.000 Yeah, it was really fucking crazy.

01:34:10.000 It's amazing they kept their mouth shut.

01:34:12.000 They kept their mouth shut, and they would have gotten away with it.

01:34:15.000 I mean, they were getting away with it.

01:34:16.000 It was just...

01:34:18.000 It was...

01:34:18.000 They got tipped off.

01:34:20.000 FBI got tipped off.

01:34:21.000 And then this whole investigation...

01:34:23.000 That's what the series...

01:34:24.000 It's a six-part series.

01:34:26.000 That's what it reveals is just the scale and the scope of this incredible scam.

01:34:32.000 It was a scam, man.

01:34:33.000 Did this guy work for McDonald's?

01:34:36.000 No.

01:34:38.000 There's all these different characters in it, but...

01:34:42.000 Basically, McDonald's had to hire a company that would oversee the game, like the security of the game.

01:34:49.000 And they would also have to hire another company to print, you know, like the game pieces and all that.

01:34:56.000 And within those companies, the corruption lied.

01:34:59.000 McDonald's didn't know.

01:35:00.000 Wow.

01:35:02.000 But the story is fascinating.

01:35:03.000 And the characters are outrageous, too.

01:35:06.000 I mean, the Columbo family is part of it.

01:35:08.000 You know, the crime family.

01:35:10.000 I gotta watch it.

01:35:10.000 It's good, man.

01:35:11.000 It's really good.

01:35:13.000 There's so many of those multi-series or multi-show documentaries now that are fascinating.

01:35:19.000 Oh, yeah.

01:35:20.000 Like Wild Wild Country, like that kind of shit, where you're just like, what?

01:35:23.000 And when these networks get behind something like that, like this Tiger King thing too, you're like, man, you know, that's why you need that platform, right?

01:35:33.000 Like an HBO or Netflix to be like, tell us the whole story.

01:35:36.000 Show it.

01:35:37.000 It's fucking awesome.

01:35:38.000 Yeah, or Wild Country, right?

01:35:40.000 Wild Country, yeah.

01:35:40.000 You need something that's going to play out for five or six episodes.

01:35:44.000 Have to.

01:35:45.000 Or three episodes in, you're like, how the fuck did I not know about this?

01:35:50.000 What was that one?

01:35:51.000 Do you remember the one a couple years ago?

01:35:53.000 Was it The Staircase?

01:35:54.000 Something like that?

01:35:55.000 Yeah, I never saw that one.

01:35:57.000 That was fucking good, too.

01:35:58.000 Was someone killed his ex-wife or something like that?

01:36:01.000 Yes.

01:36:01.000 Yes, dude.

01:36:02.000 And you just cannot believe some of the twists and turns of something like this.

01:36:07.000 It just...

01:36:07.000 And then there was like...

01:36:08.000 Part of that...

01:36:09.000 I mean, I'm jumping around on it.

01:36:11.000 The owl theory where they're like, maybe an owl came and attacked her.

01:36:14.000 What?

01:36:15.000 Yes, dude.

01:36:16.000 An owl?

01:36:17.000 Yes.

01:36:17.000 And they were like, there were owls in that area.

01:36:19.000 It could have happened.

01:36:20.000 Like, people have all these conspiracy theories about it.

01:36:24.000 It's amazing.

01:36:25.000 What's amazing is how many people got away with crimes before, like, DNA evidence.

01:36:30.000 Do you ever think about how easy it probably was for people 25 years ago?

01:36:35.000 If you were a sociopath?

01:36:36.000 Oh.

01:36:36.000 Yeah.

01:36:37.000 Yeah.

01:36:38.000 Just travel around whacking people.

01:36:40.000 No cameras, no DNA. Yeah.

01:36:43.000 I mean, what's the big one that we just, the Golden State Killer?

01:36:49.000 Well, that was the one that Patton Oswalt's wife was working on.

01:36:52.000 Yes, she was writing that book.

01:36:53.000 What are you playing over there?

01:36:55.000 Oh, is it playing sound?

01:36:56.000 Yeah.

01:36:56.000 Oh, sorry.

01:36:58.000 What is that?

01:36:58.000 I was looking at the video, that Robert Durst guy, he's on trial right now.

01:37:02.000 That was the other one.

01:37:03.000 That fucking series was fantastic.

01:37:05.000 What's that guy's name?

01:37:06.000 His name's Robert Durst.

01:37:07.000 I don't remember what the show was called.

01:37:07.000 No, but what was the show called?

01:37:08.000 I don't remember.

01:37:09.000 That's where I got that song.

01:37:11.000 Yeah, Blood.

01:37:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:37:13.000 I remember that we were doing a gig, and I was like, check out this song.

01:37:18.000 That's where I got that song, the Bad Blood type.

01:37:21.000 The Jinx.

01:37:22.000 The Jinx.

01:37:23.000 Did you watch it?

01:37:23.000 Nope.

01:37:24.000 Fucking excellent.

01:37:25.000 Yeah, I read the story, but I didn't watch it.

01:37:27.000 It's really good, and it's super creepy.

01:37:30.000 Like, you're following along, and then in the final episode, he's doing his weird fucking...

01:37:35.000 He has black eyes, you know?

01:37:37.000 Like, there's no color.

01:37:38.000 They're black.

01:37:39.000 And he gets up to use the restroom, and the mic's still hot, and he's talking to himself in the restroom.

01:37:47.000 You see, like, the camera's, like, locked off, filming a wall.

01:37:50.000 And he's like, yeah, I killed them all.

01:37:53.000 I don't realize I killed them all.

01:37:54.000 It's a fucking weird moment, man.

01:37:56.000 Why does he have such black eyes?

01:37:58.000 What's that about?

01:37:59.000 I don't know, man.

01:38:01.000 So this trial's going on right now?

01:38:04.000 It might be on hold because of the virus, but yeah, it just started earlier this month, like two weeks ago.

01:38:09.000 That's another really cool series.

01:38:12.000 How crazy is the Harvey Weinstein?

01:38:15.000 Test it, I know.

01:38:16.000 That's going to kill him, right?

01:38:18.000 I think so.

01:38:18.000 I mean, we don't know, but...

01:38:21.000 He really looked like...

01:38:22.000 I mean, he always looked like shit, but he looked like particularly a hot bag of shit.

01:38:28.000 For the trial.

01:38:29.000 Oh, my God.

01:38:30.000 And for the sentencing?

01:38:31.000 When he came in with the walker and everything?

01:38:33.000 Like, what the fuck?

01:38:34.000 Do you think that that was a scam?

01:38:35.000 That he was trying to pretend that he was more hurt than he was?

01:38:38.000 Probably.

01:38:38.000 Probably, right?

01:38:39.000 I mean, he was a movie producer, so he knows...

01:38:41.000 Right.

01:38:42.000 How to play it up.

01:38:43.000 Yeah.

01:38:43.000 But he did look like shit.

01:38:44.000 He really did.

01:38:45.000 In a way that you can't fake.

01:38:47.000 Like, his face was hanging off.

01:38:48.000 He looked fat.

01:38:49.000 He did look like he was, I don't know, needing that support almost of that.

01:38:55.000 I mean, the guy was walking upright a few months ago, it seemed like.

01:38:59.000 I know.

01:39:00.000 Well, also the stress of that life.

01:39:04.000 Of having the weight of his past come tumbling down on him.

01:39:09.000 Imagine going up to Harvey Weinstein four years ago and go, dude, I want to show you what the future looks like for you.

01:39:16.000 He'd be like, get the fuck out of here.

01:39:17.000 That's never going to happen.

01:39:19.000 Never.

01:39:19.000 Never, man.

01:39:21.000 Four years later.

01:39:22.000 Imagine going up to Cosby and telling him that.

01:39:25.000 I know.

01:39:25.000 You're the most beloved person.

01:39:28.000 Father figure in this country.

01:39:30.000 Yeah.

01:39:31.000 I mean, just before that, like just before things went sideways, he wouldn't have fucking been like, what are you talking about?

01:39:38.000 Yeah, I almost think that his story is less shocking, the result.

01:39:49.000 The Harvey Weinstein thing, I guess I didn't know he was a piece of shit.

01:39:54.000 I had no idea, but I knew that Cosby was.

01:39:57.000 We had all kind of heard that Cosby was a piece of shit.

01:39:59.000 I didn't know anything about Harvey Weinstein.

01:40:01.000 I just knew he made movies.

01:40:03.000 Yeah, I guess so.

01:40:04.000 With Cosby, I always knew he was a womanizer.

01:40:06.000 I didn't know there was like...

01:40:07.000 You know, date rape, any of those.

01:40:10.000 Oh, I had heard that.

01:40:11.000 You'd heard that?

01:40:11.000 I didn't know any of that.

01:40:12.000 I heard that on the set of news radio.

01:40:13.000 Wow.

01:40:14.000 In the 90s, I had heard that he was drugging women.

01:40:16.000 Well, that's when he was probably pretty active with it, you know?

01:40:19.000 Well, it was, I think, when was the Cosby show on the air?

01:40:22.000 In the late 80s, early 90s, I think.

01:40:25.000 So it was probably just getting done.

01:40:27.000 Yeah.

01:40:28.000 I was on, news radio was 94. And I remember like, what?

01:40:32.000 He drugs people.

01:40:33.000 I think Candy Alexander's one.

01:40:34.000 So they were talking.

01:40:35.000 I mean, there's probably people on set that had experienced it.

01:40:39.000 Maybe.

01:40:39.000 Yeah, could be.

01:40:42.000 Harvey I didn't know anything about.

01:40:44.000 The Harvey thing, I just thought he was just a big, fat, ugly movie producer.

01:40:49.000 I didn't know anything.

01:40:50.000 And also, I think when that story first broke, there was some idea.

01:40:56.000 It was kind of implied this guy was a gross show-me-your-tits kind of guy.

01:41:02.000 As the story details came out, you're like, no, this dude's like a full-blown...

01:41:08.000 Like rapist that you would read about in a newspaper.

01:41:12.000 You know what I mean?

01:41:12.000 Like he actually pushed women down.

01:41:15.000 Held them down and fucked them.

01:41:17.000 Yeah.

01:41:17.000 He's a real fucking animal.

01:41:20.000 And then he was like, what?

01:41:21.000 What's the problem?

01:41:22.000 I mean, fully shameless, completely disassociates with what he did.

01:41:25.000 I think he was living this crazy life.

01:41:29.000 Where he could get away with anything, like a king.

01:41:32.000 I mean, we've talked about this before, that behavior of kings, like gluttonous power behavior, where they just yell at everyone and off with their head and bring her over here.

01:41:46.000 Just like that?

01:41:46.000 Yeah, that kind of shit.

01:41:47.000 Well, when you also let his story reveal the scope of payroll, he had like Photojournalists, editors, I think law enforcement, all types of people on what mafia kind of shit does, you know?

01:42:02.000 Like, I pay you to fucking watch out for my bad deeds.

01:42:06.000 Yes.

01:42:06.000 So he really was doing...

01:42:08.000 Well, even more disgusting, it was in his contract.

01:42:11.000 Like, if you have one sexual harassment claim, it'll cost you this much.

01:42:15.000 If you have two, you have to pay us this much.

01:42:18.000 Like, it was written into his contract.

01:42:21.000 Jesus, man.

01:42:22.000 So they knew.

01:42:23.000 They knew.

01:42:24.000 How come nobody else gets in trouble for that?

01:42:27.000 Yeah.

01:42:28.000 I don't know.

01:42:30.000 Yeah.

01:42:32.000 I mean, what do they know?

01:42:36.000 That's the question.

01:42:36.000 Is he in a jail hospital?

01:42:39.000 He's in Rikers, son.

01:42:40.000 But in their medic unit?

01:42:42.000 I think so.

01:42:42.000 Oh, fuck.

01:42:44.000 You think that's top-tier quality there?

01:42:46.000 Top-tier.

01:42:47.000 Top of the food chain.

01:42:48.000 Goddamn.

01:42:48.000 They have a bunch of corona cases right now at Rikers.

01:42:51.000 It's a big issue.

01:42:52.000 Of course.

01:42:53.000 You have no windows.

01:42:54.000 They're letting a bunch of people out right now that have probation violations or something like that.

01:42:59.000 Oh, let them spread it.

01:42:59.000 Good move.

01:43:00.000 That's the next thought.

01:43:02.000 Hilarious.

01:43:02.000 Yeah.

01:43:02.000 Let him out.

01:43:03.000 Yeah.

01:43:04.000 Unless you're letting him out into a furnace.

01:43:10.000 Fuck.

01:43:11.000 I mean, that shit, if it did that to that Olympic swimmer, that 31-year-old guy, if it wrecked him, what is it going to do to Harvey Weinstein?

01:43:18.000 Oh, my God.

01:43:18.000 No, he's not.

01:43:20.000 Oh, this is what I want to talk to you about.

01:43:21.000 The fucking comments of people mad at you because you're doing shows in Spanish are hilarious.

01:43:27.000 I get a bunch of emails.

01:43:29.000 Hilarious how mad people get.

01:43:31.000 Well, the funny thing is, like, so for people that don't know, like, I just, I got a deal.

01:43:39.000 With Netflix where they were like, do an English special and then a Spanish special.

01:43:44.000 And they actually offered me to, they were like, you can just translate that special and shoot it.

01:43:48.000 And I was like, that's kind of boring.

01:43:50.000 So I'll try to, you know, work on some new stuff for the Latin audience and translate like a few bits.

01:43:57.000 And then, in order to shoot it, I just go, I just need a bunch of reps, like you would in English.

01:44:02.000 So I just need shows in Spanish.

01:44:04.000 So I started doing that, you know?

01:44:06.000 Are you fully fluent?

01:44:08.000 Like, you could have conversations with people, there's no hitch?

01:44:11.000 Just like you could have a conversation with me?

01:44:13.000 Yeah, I can have a conversation with anybody in Spanish.

01:44:15.000 And you've been like that your whole life?

01:44:17.000 There's, like, times where the level of fluency goes higher, like, especially if I'm immersed, like, living in...

01:44:25.000 Right.

01:44:25.000 Because I'm like, who do you practice with?

01:44:27.000 Yeah, I mean, there's definitely...

01:44:29.000 I have my hiccups in that, like, I might grammatically say something incorrectly.

01:44:33.000 They'll definitely know what I'm saying.

01:44:35.000 And then that's one of the things I work on, is that I record these, I send them to a Spanish tutor.

01:44:41.000 I go...

01:44:41.000 Really?

01:44:41.000 Yeah, I go, did I say anything incorrect in this?

01:44:43.000 A Spanish tutor.

01:44:44.000 She's like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

01:44:46.000 She goes, I'm not going to comment on your material.

01:44:52.000 She goes, it's not what I'm used to, but I'll help you with the grammatical things.

01:44:57.000 So she'll be like, you should have said la mano instead of el mano.

01:45:01.000 Okay.

01:45:02.000 So we work on things like that.

01:45:04.000 Make sure you say it correctly.

01:45:06.000 Because the main thing is I don't want someone to be distracted because they're like, that sounded funny.

01:45:09.000 Right.

01:45:10.000 Of course.

01:45:10.000 Broken English.

01:45:11.000 I guess, you know, I don't know.

01:45:12.000 Fluency level is probably like eight or nine or something.

01:45:15.000 Wow.

01:45:16.000 But I mean, you know, it gets better the more I work on it.

01:45:19.000 And it gets worse the longer I leave it.

01:45:21.000 So that's why I started doing the podcast in Spanish.

01:45:23.000 That's why I've been doing these shows.

01:45:26.000 And all I did was I would announce, hey, I'm going to do a Spanish show.

01:45:31.000 I did one in Oxnard.

01:45:33.000 I did one in Ontario.

01:45:35.000 I had these Texas ones booked for April.

01:45:38.000 We're one night in Houston, Dallas, Austin, and San Antonio.

01:45:43.000 And when I posted them, people were like, hey, these shows are in Spanish.

01:45:47.000 I go, that's what it says on the marquee, on the ticket.

01:45:51.000 This show is in Spanish.

01:45:52.000 And they're like, yeah.

01:45:53.000 I can't fucking understand it, though, because I don't speak Spanish.

01:45:56.000 I'm like, I know.

01:45:57.000 This is for somebody else.

01:45:58.000 And they're like, but why don't you add a show in English?

01:46:02.000 And you're trying to go like, well...

01:46:05.000 I will do that show in English later, like when the English hour is ready because I'm just releasing a special, so I got to build a new hour before I come to Houston and show it, you know?

01:46:15.000 And they're like, yeah, but you should just do it.

01:46:17.000 You should just do it while you're here.

01:46:19.000 And I'm like, yeah, but that's not, you know, and then, I don't know, I just, but people have been like, you're a fucking idiot for doing this Spanish show.

01:46:28.000 Why?

01:46:28.000 You put it on your Instagram, right?

01:46:30.000 I put screen grabs of the...

01:46:32.000 Yeah.

01:46:32.000 I left their handles out.

01:46:34.000 Yeah, I read a few of them.

01:46:36.000 Jesus Christ.

01:46:36.000 I got more.

01:46:37.000 I got more.

01:46:38.000 I bet you do.

01:46:38.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:46:39.000 And people are like...

01:46:40.000 And then I have the ones that are like, I bought the ticket and I didn't realize that this was Spanish and I would like a refund.

01:46:47.000 And I'm like, don't talk to me about it.

01:46:49.000 They go, first of all, On the site.

01:46:52.000 It's called Tom Segura en Español.

01:46:56.000 And that's what it says.

01:46:57.000 And then it's like, if you speak English, this is not the show for you.

01:47:03.000 And they're like, I didn't look at it.

01:47:05.000 I'm like, what do you want me to do, man?

01:47:08.000 Sell your tickets on Craigslist.

01:47:10.000 Yeah.

01:47:10.000 So, yeah.

01:47:11.000 People got fired up at me for not adding the English show.

01:47:15.000 Imagine if you were responsible for returning all your tickets.

01:47:18.000 Like, you'd...

01:47:19.000 Never be able to do anything.

01:47:20.000 Do you get messages like that?

01:47:22.000 I don't know.

01:47:22.000 I want to exchange this ticket.

01:47:24.000 I don't know what kind of messages I get.

01:47:27.000 I don't know.

01:47:28.000 I'm so much happier that I don't know.

01:47:32.000 I'll tell you this.

01:47:32.000 My special came out today.

01:47:34.000 I have not gone to look at I read some good reviews.

01:47:38.000 Yeah?

01:47:38.000 Yeah, of your shit.

01:47:39.000 Okay, cool.

01:47:40.000 I haven't even checked it out.

01:47:41.000 Yeah, I read a couple good reviews, and I think one of them was Washington Post.

01:47:46.000 Oh.

01:47:46.000 It's great.

01:47:47.000 That's cool.

01:47:48.000 Yeah, I'm happy.

01:47:49.000 But, yeah, don't read anything.

01:47:51.000 I don't get into it.

01:47:52.000 I do remember on the last tour, you know, especially on the bus, you're just sitting there, you read everything, reading.

01:47:58.000 People are like, I bought tickets, Friday show, I'd rather come to Saturday show.

01:48:04.000 Let me call my mom.

01:48:05.000 She'll handle it.

01:48:06.000 At the Chicago Theater?

01:48:09.000 Okay.

01:48:09.000 Dude, hit them up.

01:48:11.000 What am I going to do?

01:48:12.000 They're like, you can figure this out for me.

01:48:14.000 Okay.

01:48:14.000 You have plenty of time to make these 20-minute phone calls to reroute tickets.

01:48:19.000 I need Steve to get the Saturday tickets.

01:48:22.000 Yeah.

01:48:23.000 No, it is, but you post and walk away, right?

01:48:27.000 Yes.

01:48:28.000 I don't read shit.

01:48:29.000 It's the way to do it.

01:48:29.000 I've been doing that for a long time now.

01:48:31.000 It's amazing.

01:48:32.000 It changes everything.

01:48:33.000 If you have discipline, you have to have the discipline to not read your comments.

01:48:36.000 Yeah.

01:48:37.000 You know, because I know people that read them and they go crazy and they respond to them and argue with them.

01:48:42.000 That's the problem, too, is that you not only have to avoid reading, if you are reading, you have to not engage in the back and forth.

01:48:52.000 No, you can't.

01:48:53.000 You can't.

01:48:53.000 Because a lot of people are just trying to get your attention, and then a lot of people are also crazy.

01:48:57.000 Yeah.

01:48:58.000 If you're writing to me, you're talking to the void.

01:49:01.000 Yeah.

01:49:01.000 I'm not reading anything.

01:49:03.000 It's just better that way, man.

01:49:05.000 Yeah.

01:49:05.000 It's better for you mentally, for sure.

01:49:06.000 For sure.

01:49:07.000 Yeah.

01:49:08.000 Yeah.

01:49:09.000 It's just, you only have so much time.

01:49:13.000 And you can get trapped reading stuff about you and go, what?

01:49:18.000 Who said that?

01:49:19.000 Why are they saying that?

01:49:21.000 Like, you know if you fucked up.

01:49:23.000 You know if you said something stupid.

01:49:25.000 What are you going to do?

01:49:26.000 Just try to do your best.

01:49:27.000 Yeah.

01:49:28.000 You know, especially like what we do.

01:49:30.000 And especially if we're doing shows or podcasts or anything like that where you're getting high and you're talking crazy and you're trying to be funny and sometimes you swing and miss and sometimes you hit a home run.

01:49:43.000 You never know.

01:49:44.000 But if you delve into the comments and start reading all the things that people say about you and tailoring your act towards...

01:49:53.000 You're tailoring your podcast or the way you're talking based on the kind of people that are willing to leave comments in the first place.

01:50:01.000 Right.

01:50:01.000 And you're also catering it to the loudest voice.

01:50:04.000 You're just saying like, oh, you're loud?

01:50:05.000 Exactly.

01:50:06.000 Okay.

01:50:07.000 That is the number one problem with social media.

01:50:09.000 That's what I've tried to explain to people that, like, read social media and talk about Twitter and Instagram, and they're like, well, there's so many right-wing Trump supporters that this, there's so many left-wing Bernie supporters to do that, and the Bernie bros, and the this and the that.

01:50:23.000 No, that's not true.

01:50:25.000 What's true is, on the fringes of the left and the right, you have losers that spend all their time Calling people out and talking shit online and I've studied these people.

01:50:38.000 I've studied these people for years because I've been fascinated by people that engage in these Twitter beefs with people and so I have a few of them bookmarked and I go to check them and some of them I would bookmark and I'm like this guy has done nothing but talk shit online for 12 hours.

01:50:55.000 It's crazy.

01:50:55.000 And there's a lot of them like that.

01:50:57.000 There's a lot in the most virtuous, the ones who are trying to get the most reactions, and they're calling out celebrities for this, calling out people for that.

01:51:05.000 There's just so much of that online.

01:51:08.000 It reminds me of something.

01:51:10.000 You know, some things someone says just stick with you sometimes.

01:51:13.000 Yes.

01:51:13.000 You know, like, and you just, I don't know.

01:51:16.000 You can't explain why, but you go, like, it just sticks with me.

01:51:19.000 I remember one time talking to a guy who goes, you know, there's a lot of unstable people out there.

01:51:26.000 And I hear his voice all the time, like, about this type of, like, yeah, there's a lot of unstable people.

01:51:33.000 A lot of unstable people that also have access to a phone.

01:51:36.000 Yeah.

01:51:37.000 And then they just start running off to the races.

01:51:39.000 Going crazy with it.

01:51:40.000 Yeah.

01:51:41.000 There's a lot of that, but there's also, you know, there's a lot of nonsense on both sides.

01:51:46.000 Just the social media, just the wanting people to like you.

01:51:51.000 Like, did you see that Imagine song that all those knuckleheads got together and sang?

01:51:55.000 Imagine There's No Heaven?

01:51:57.000 This is not the time when everyone's Grammy's dying, you fucking idiot, to sing Imagine There's No Heaven.

01:52:03.000 And there's this...

01:52:05.000 You feel like they did something significant.

01:52:09.000 She's so happy.

01:52:10.000 Gal Gadot, whatever the fuck her name is, Wonder Woman.

01:52:13.000 She's got this beautiful smile on her face and so happy to sing that.

01:52:17.000 Thank you.

01:52:17.000 Just like she's...

01:52:20.000 Seducing you.

01:52:21.000 Yeah.

01:52:21.000 I lost my job at the meatpacking plant, but Gal Gadot sang Imagine.

01:52:25.000 And it's a terrible version.

01:52:26.000 You guys suck at singing.

01:52:27.000 Yeah.

01:52:28.000 Why are you even singing publicly?

01:52:29.000 I didn't even post, but I tried to do one where I... First of all, I tried to do that, where I go, Imagine.

01:52:35.000 I just started laughing hysterically.

01:52:37.000 So then I did one where I go, I want to connect with all you guys, so let's just jerk off together.

01:52:41.000 And I just...

01:52:43.000 Reaching in there.

01:52:44.000 Then I go, I'm not used to this hand.

01:52:46.000 This hand.

01:52:47.000 Just try to connect with all my fans, but...

01:52:49.000 It's such a dumb move.

01:52:51.000 To...

01:52:52.000 I don't know.

01:52:52.000 I can't believe how many people...

01:52:53.000 I mean, I guess that she must have reached out to them.

01:52:55.000 Send me a...

01:52:55.000 You singing a line.

01:52:57.000 And they want to be like tight where they're like, sure, Wonder Woman.

01:52:59.000 Yeah.

01:52:59.000 I'll do it.

01:53:01.000 Imagine all the...

01:53:03.000 Yeah, like, okay.

01:53:08.000 Okay.

01:53:08.000 I couldn't keep it.

01:53:09.000 I tried to do it.

01:53:10.000 Stay off, fuck.

01:53:11.000 Stay offline, you fuck.

01:53:13.000 Get off your phone.

01:53:14.000 Did you have a video you made?

01:53:16.000 Yeah, I tried to do it.

01:53:18.000 Because I wanted all of us to mock it.

01:53:22.000 I think I have it.

01:53:23.000 I think some comics did something like that.

01:53:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:53:27.000 Didn't they?

01:53:27.000 Yeah, they did.

01:53:31.000 I couldn't even say it.

01:53:35.000 I saw Eric Andre and them slob on my knob.

01:53:38.000 That's what they did, right?

01:53:39.000 Did they?

01:53:40.000 Yeah, they did a parody of it.

01:53:44.000 It was great.

01:53:44.000 The weird thing is, you know, people are sitting around going, oh, people think I'm cool if I do this.

01:53:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:53:52.000 Instead of just capturing a genuine moment in your life, which is really hard to do on social media anyway, because you feel like a fucking dork.

01:54:00.000 You know what's a weird feeling, though?

01:54:02.000 Imagine you had worked with Gal, right?

01:54:05.000 I thought about this, too.

01:54:07.000 We're in a movie or something with her.

01:54:09.000 And then she hits you up.

01:54:10.000 Hey, I'm trying to do this.

01:54:12.000 And you have that moment of pause.

01:54:13.000 Especially as a comic, because you have so much self-awareness.

01:54:16.000 Where you're like, oh, that's going to be lame as shit.

01:54:18.000 And then you have to figure out a tactful no.

01:54:21.000 I would ghost her.

01:54:21.000 Just don't respond.

01:54:23.000 100%.

01:54:25.000 First of all, I could give two fucks whether or not I'm ever in a movie again, ever.

01:54:29.000 I know!

01:54:29.000 And another two fucks whether or not I talk to her.

01:54:32.000 So I'd be like, ghost!

01:54:34.000 At first you'd be like, what's up?

01:54:35.000 And she's like, will you sing a line from Imagine and send it to her?

01:54:39.000 If I'm friends with her, like if I've had conversations with her, I would have to say, listen.

01:54:45.000 You're awesome.

01:54:46.000 I think you're great.

01:54:47.000 But that is a ridiculous idea.

01:54:49.000 It's so lacking in self-awareness and so ridiculous.

01:54:52.000 Let me tell you what I would do, even if I wasn't a comic, if I saw someone do that, I'd be like, what in the fuck do you think you're accomplishing with this?

01:55:03.000 I felt so much better today seeing celebrities sing Imagine.

01:55:07.000 It made it better.

01:55:08.000 This pandemic was not really that bad.

01:55:12.000 Grammy died choking on her own vomit, but I feel like the world's better because Gal Gadot is so pretty.

01:55:19.000 Gal Gadot.

01:55:20.000 And she started it off.

01:55:21.000 Imagine there's no heaven.

01:55:25.000 And then at the end, she did a really sincere look into the camera like, look what I did for you.

01:55:31.000 Did she?

01:55:32.000 I mean, yeah, that's how it ends.

01:55:33.000 I didn't get to it.

01:55:34.000 She's like, hmm, I feel connected to you.

01:55:36.000 Yeah, there's some people, man, that get real self-indulgent and self-righteous with that fucking social media.

01:55:44.000 It's exposed a lot of celebrities for being real dorks.

01:55:48.000 Yeah.

01:55:48.000 Yeah, of course.

01:55:49.000 You know?

01:55:50.000 They should be exposed for that.

01:55:51.000 But they never got a chance to be exposed before.

01:55:53.000 They would go on The Tonight Show.

01:55:54.000 They'd do these things.

01:55:55.000 They'd do these interviews.

01:55:56.000 Everything was real fluff.

01:55:58.000 Yeah.

01:55:58.000 But you could just leave them alone with a phone.

01:56:00.000 Or you get great stuff.

01:56:02.000 Did you see Tom Hanks' wife singing along to Naughty by Nature?

01:56:05.000 I was really surprised.

01:56:07.000 It was awesome.

01:56:08.000 Yeah.

01:56:08.000 It was good though.

01:56:09.000 It was fun.

01:56:11.000 Exceptionally good.

01:56:12.000 Exceptionally good.

01:56:13.000 Yeah.

01:56:13.000 No makeup.

01:56:14.000 She's having fun.

01:56:16.000 Hip hop hooray.

01:56:17.000 And here's the thing.

01:56:18.000 That cadence and that rhyme pattern of that song, it's not easy to mimic.

01:56:23.000 No!

01:56:24.000 It's not easy to mimic.

01:56:25.000 No, she did a good job, but it's also so obvious that she wasn't trying to be anything other than have fun.

01:56:33.000 Yeah.

01:56:34.000 Well, when you're drinking children's blood every night for dinner, you have fun, you know?

01:56:37.000 Is that what they do?

01:56:38.000 Well, I think so.

01:56:39.000 I don't know.

01:56:39.000 I just read the comments, man.

01:56:40.000 I thought they just fucked those kids.

01:56:41.000 I don't know.

01:56:42.000 Are you sure?

01:56:43.000 It helps you keep your rhythm going.

01:56:45.000 Mmm.

01:56:46.000 Yeah, no, she was just having fun.

01:56:49.000 That's revealed that she's super cool.

01:56:51.000 Yeah, with no makeup, right?

01:56:53.000 She's not trying to get dolled up.

01:56:55.000 No.

01:56:56.000 Like, there's these people that are, some people are doing these, like, quarantined, like, day five, here we are, day five, and it's, like, so contrived.

01:57:03.000 Super contrived.

01:57:04.000 I guess they want to connect with people, and they want to talk to people, but, oh, I mean, what are we doing?

01:57:11.000 Yeah.

01:57:12.000 I mean, are we doing that?

01:57:13.000 What are we doing?

01:57:13.000 Yeah, we are.

01:57:14.000 We are.

01:57:17.000 But we're having a conversation.

01:57:18.000 We would have this conversation if there was no microphone.

01:57:22.000 Yeah.

01:57:22.000 We'd probably talk a lot more shit about people.

01:57:24.000 Yeah, I mean, that's always a big component of a good time.

01:57:29.000 It's fun.

01:57:30.000 Talking shit's fun.

01:57:31.000 I keep thinking about that meet we had in fucking Vegas, man.

01:57:35.000 Oh, so good.

01:57:36.000 Yeah, Bizarre Meats.

01:57:38.000 Yeah, fantastic.

01:57:40.000 It used to be the SLS, and now what is it?

01:57:43.000 I forget.

01:57:43.000 They changed the name, though.

01:57:45.000 Remember that?

01:57:46.000 Yeah.

01:57:47.000 Sands or something?

01:57:48.000 Yeah, switch back to what it was.

01:57:49.000 What was it?

01:57:50.000 Sahara?

01:57:51.000 Sahara.

01:57:51.000 I think it's the Sahara.

01:57:53.000 Whatever it is, the fucking, that bizarre meats place, god damn is that good.

01:57:57.000 Woo!

01:57:58.000 That was delicious.

01:57:58.000 Jose Andres, man.

01:57:59.000 Yeah.

01:58:00.000 You gotta have him on.

01:58:01.000 I would love to.

01:58:02.000 He's a fucking dope guy.

01:58:03.000 Yeah, I've seen him on Bourdain's show.

01:58:04.000 Yeah.

01:58:05.000 Yeah, that place was phenomenal.

01:58:07.000 I love how they cook over wood, too.

01:58:09.000 You walk by and you see the hardwood coals and the grill grates, and they know what the fuck they're doing.

01:58:15.000 They told us it would take an hour to cook the steak.

01:58:17.000 Remember that?

01:58:17.000 Yeah.

01:58:18.000 We're like, an hour?

01:58:19.000 Yeah.

01:58:19.000 They're like, yeah, an hour.

01:58:21.000 And the steaks are huge.

01:58:23.000 So just order one steak.

01:58:24.000 I was like, really?

01:58:25.000 Yeah, one three-pound steak.

01:58:27.000 Like, okay.

01:58:27.000 It was amazing, dude.

01:58:28.000 We ordered two, though.

01:58:29.000 Amazing.

01:58:30.000 Goddamn, it was good.

01:58:31.000 Yeah.

01:58:32.000 What a fun weekend.

01:58:33.000 Just randomly we happened to be in Vegas at the same time.

01:58:36.000 So cool.

01:58:37.000 Yeah, that's cool when something like that happens.

01:58:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:58:39.000 I was bummed.

01:58:40.000 We had to leave before the last three fights.

01:58:43.000 Dude, you missed the Wei Li-Zhang, Joanna Yun-Jacek fight, which is one of the greatest fights in the history of the sport.

01:58:49.000 I saw you saying, and you keep thinking about it.

01:58:51.000 Dude, all day.

01:58:52.000 I'd just be, for days, for days, I'd be in my car.

01:58:56.000 They fucking battled, huh?

01:58:57.000 As close as a fight could ever get.

01:58:59.000 A lot of people thought Joanna won.

01:59:01.000 A lot of people thought Wei Li won.

01:59:03.000 But it was amazing.

01:59:04.000 It was amazing.

01:59:05.000 It was a fucking war.

01:59:07.000 Really came down like you could have judged it either way?

01:59:09.000 Yeah.

01:59:10.000 Yeah, you could have.

01:59:11.000 Yeah.

01:59:11.000 Yeah, it wasn't...

01:59:12.000 I mean, they gave it to Wei Li.

01:59:13.000 It was a split decision, but it was...

01:59:16.000 Ioana's head.

01:59:17.000 It was so close.

01:59:18.000 Her forehead.

01:59:19.000 Ridiculous.

01:59:20.000 And never even responded to it.

01:59:23.000 Didn't react to it.

01:59:24.000 Just threw bombs.

01:59:25.000 And we missed that knockout where you guys were like...

01:59:30.000 Where you memed out, you and DC. Which one?

01:59:33.000 There was a knockout, like third to last fight.

01:59:35.000 Big ass knockout.

01:59:37.000 You know what I'm talking about?

01:59:39.000 Yes.

01:59:40.000 It was just after...

01:59:42.000 Yes, yes.

01:59:44.000 Benil, Dariush, and...

01:59:49.000 God damn it.

01:59:50.000 Yeah, I think we missed three.

01:59:51.000 Jakar close.

01:59:52.000 It was a crazy battle.

01:59:53.000 And Jakar...

01:59:55.000 Hit him with a right.

01:59:56.000 Yeah, Jakar had Benil Darius in real trouble.

01:59:59.000 And then Benil Darius came back and knocked him out.

02:00:02.000 Yeah, there it is.

02:00:03.000 There it is.

02:00:05.000 Oh, that left hand!

02:00:08.000 Benil was really rocked.

02:00:11.000 And Drakkar, he only has one loss in his whole career.

02:00:14.000 And it was a close loss.

02:00:17.000 There he goes.

02:00:18.000 We're going crazy.

02:00:19.000 There's Jamie, too.

02:00:22.000 Jamie in the background there.

02:00:24.000 Yeah, that was bonkers.

02:00:26.000 I was right next to him.

02:00:26.000 That must have been the next fight.

02:00:29.000 Yeah, it was the next fight.

02:00:30.000 You missed it.

02:00:31.000 Missed that.

02:00:31.000 And then we missed the main event, too.

02:00:33.000 Well, you had a show to do.

02:00:34.000 Yeah, I had a show.

02:00:35.000 Your boy Josh Potter?

02:00:36.000 Yeah.

02:00:36.000 He's hilarious.

02:00:37.000 He is.

02:00:37.000 He's really funny, man.

02:00:39.000 He's really funny.

02:00:39.000 That was my first time seeing him.

02:00:40.000 He's really funny.

02:00:41.000 Good guy, too.

02:00:42.000 I like hanging out with him.

02:00:43.000 He's fun.

02:00:43.000 Yeah, man.

02:00:44.000 Buffalo's finest.

02:00:44.000 I love watching new comics, new comedy.

02:00:48.000 Yeah.

02:00:48.000 I love watching a new comic that I've never seen their act before.

02:00:51.000 Yeah.

02:00:52.000 And you get to see them.

02:00:52.000 And he seems like a guy who's been doing it about 10 years.

02:00:55.000 Uh-huh.

02:00:55.000 Is it about 10 years now?

02:00:56.000 Yeah.

02:00:57.000 That's a fully formed comedian, you know?

02:00:59.000 It is.

02:01:00.000 He's a fully formed comedian.

02:01:01.000 Great guy.

02:01:02.000 Great guy.

02:01:02.000 And he's headlining now.

02:01:05.000 He's starting to headline.

02:01:05.000 That's great.

02:01:06.000 He deserves it.

02:01:07.000 He's really good.

02:01:08.000 I was impressed.

02:01:09.000 Yeah, I've been taking him on the road for a few years now, and he just gets better and better, and he has, man, he has a couple bits that really floor me.

02:01:18.000 He's super.

02:01:19.000 He's really good.

02:01:20.000 You can't even give away the premises.

02:01:22.000 No, you can't.

02:01:22.000 You can't.

02:01:23.000 I do love, I mean, I'll say the one premise is like the way he wants to die.

02:01:28.000 Really funny, man.

02:01:29.000 No, he's really good.

02:01:30.000 It was cool to hang with him, too.

02:01:32.000 You know, it's just...

02:01:33.000 Hanging with comics is the best, dude.

02:01:35.000 It's the best.

02:01:36.000 It's the best.

02:01:36.000 It's the most fun.

02:01:37.000 I mean, if we hadn't seen you guys, we would have just hung out with each other all weekend.

02:01:41.000 Yeah.

02:01:42.000 And then you're like, oh, there's more comics here.

02:01:43.000 Let's go hang out with them.

02:01:44.000 Yeah.

02:01:44.000 So it's always...

02:01:45.000 And they get to eat, chill.

02:01:47.000 Yeah.

02:01:48.000 But it was the beginning of the coronavirus thing.

02:01:50.000 We were a little weirded out.

02:01:52.000 Bro, I also think about...

02:01:54.000 So my manager was in town.

02:01:56.000 He had friends in town.

02:01:57.000 So after one of the shows...

02:01:59.000 I want to say it was the second night.

02:02:02.000 We also went to a cigar bar.

02:02:04.000 You start thinking about all the contacts.

02:02:06.000 Yeah, and casinos, too.

02:02:08.000 Casinos are just fucking...

02:02:09.000 That's another thing.

02:02:11.000 Dude, Las Vegas is shut down.

02:02:12.000 It's so wild to think about how those casinos are just packed people.

02:02:18.000 How about all those people that count on that?

02:02:20.000 Yeah, the dealers, the people that clean the place.

02:02:23.000 Waitresses.

02:02:24.000 Yeah, everybody.

02:02:25.000 Everyone.

02:02:25.000 Done.

02:02:26.000 Everything shut down for how long?

02:02:27.000 How long do they plan on shutting Vegas down for?

02:02:29.000 They announced, like, last week they said they would reopen casinos May 16th.

02:02:35.000 Wow.

02:02:37.000 Then today, earlier today, Trump was like, there's no way this is going past Easter or something.

02:02:42.000 Like, he wants to get it ripping and roaring again.

02:02:44.000 He's not basing anything that he's saying, though, on science or on viruses.

02:02:50.000 No, of course not.

02:02:51.000 Yeah.

02:02:52.000 Yeah, he should shut the fuck up.

02:02:54.000 He's going on a hunch.

02:02:55.000 Well, he wants everything to bounce back because he wants the economy to bounce back.

02:02:58.000 Of course.

02:02:59.000 The governor of Texas had a take on it, too.

02:03:02.000 He's like, I would rather put myself in danger and I'm in a high-risk group of catching this disease and have the economy come back.

02:03:10.000 Okay.

02:03:12.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.

02:03:13.000 I don't know.

02:03:14.000 I don't know when I... You know, it's like I had a take on it before.

02:03:18.000 When I'd see Idris Elba, I'm like, he looks great.

02:03:21.000 Those NBA players, they look great.

02:03:22.000 All these people look great.

02:03:23.000 Tom Hanks is recovering.

02:03:24.000 Maybe it's just like the flu.

02:03:26.000 But then you read that 31-year-old Olympic swimmer, and you go, oh, that guy's 31, and he's a stud.

02:03:33.000 He's an Olympian.

02:03:34.000 Yes, literally an Olympian.

02:03:36.000 A gold medalist, by the way.

02:03:38.000 He's a fucking stud, right?

02:03:40.000 And he said it was the worst virus he ever experienced in his life.

02:03:42.000 And then Michael Yeo.

02:03:44.000 Michael Yeo getting really sick.

02:03:46.000 And there was two college basketball players who died.

02:03:49.000 They died?

02:03:50.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:03:51.000 Not college basketball players now, but they played college in the 90s.

02:03:56.000 And they died.

02:03:57.000 And they both died, yeah.

02:03:58.000 It was on my Apple News Feed this morning.

02:04:02.000 The thing about this virus, too, is that there's this uncertainty about when things will change, when the curve will flatten, when the economy...

02:04:10.000 But we also don't understand the virus yet.

02:04:12.000 Right.

02:04:12.000 Exactly.

02:04:13.000 That's the part that's really alarming.

02:04:15.000 That's the weird thing is some people just experience no symptoms and it just goes through their system and they don't ever get it.

02:04:21.000 And then the other thing was, someone was telling me, I forget who it was, I attributed to Dr. Peter Atiyah yesterday, but I think I'm wrong.

02:04:28.000 Someone was saying one of the odd things seems to...

02:04:31.000 It might be Sam Harris.

02:04:32.000 Someone was saying one of the odd things seems to be that the more contact people have with the virus, the worse it gets.

02:04:40.000 So some doctors...

02:04:42.000 Oh, like medical professionals?

02:04:44.000 Yeah, medical professionals.

02:04:45.000 Yeah.

02:04:46.000 Yeah, it's very strange.

02:04:47.000 Did you see the NBA player today?

02:04:49.000 Said he lost his sense of smell.

02:04:50.000 Yeah, that's another thing.

02:04:52.000 That's one of the things that Peter Atiyah said.

02:04:54.000 Smell and taste are going away.

02:04:56.000 Yeah, it's very weird that people lose their sense of smell.

02:05:00.000 Very weird.

02:05:01.000 It's spooky.

02:05:03.000 Yeah.

02:05:04.000 Because it's like a...

02:05:06.000 Well, it's also, there's these crazy conspiracy theories that Wuhan is like some place where they have some weaponized virus lab, and so that they're worried that one of the things that makes this so scary is that it could have snuck out of this fucking lab.

02:05:24.000 But apparently they've traced it to a very specific type of animal.

02:05:29.000 I thought that this thing always transfers.

02:05:31.000 I think Moshe told me this, that birds need a pig.

02:05:36.000 A pig is the perfect conduit of transferring.

02:05:39.000 The bird disease won't come straight to a person.

02:05:43.000 It needs to go to a pig and the pig can infect people.

02:05:46.000 What about avian flu?

02:05:47.000 I don't know.

02:05:48.000 Avian flu came from birds.

02:05:49.000 These are bats, and I think bats gave it to pangolins.

02:05:53.000 Do you know what a fucking pangolin is?

02:05:56.000 Whitney was telling me this, that a pangolin is like the most...

02:05:59.000 What is the word you would use where someone is...

02:06:09.000 Transferring animals.

02:06:10.000 I'm fucking slow today, man.

02:06:11.000 My brain's slow today.

02:06:12.000 I don't know what's going on.

02:06:14.000 The most exploited animal in the world.

02:06:19.000 You know what a pangolin is?

02:06:20.000 Uh-uh.

02:06:21.000 Some weird fucking...

02:06:22.000 Pangolin?

02:06:23.000 Pangolin, I think it is.

02:06:24.000 Never heard of that.

02:06:25.000 Yeah.

02:06:27.000 There it is.

02:06:27.000 That fucking thing.

02:06:28.000 Look it up there.

02:06:29.000 Look at the screen.

02:06:30.000 Look.

02:06:32.000 That.

02:06:33.000 That thing.

02:06:34.000 That's called a pangolin?

02:06:36.000 Pangolin.

02:06:37.000 Yeah.

02:06:38.000 That is the most exploited animal in the world.

02:06:40.000 And they eat them in China.

02:06:42.000 And so this fucking thing is where China has laws to stop pangolin trafficking.

02:06:51.000 That thing looks freaky, man.

02:06:52.000 Yeah, they have laws that they're imposing now to stop the sale of wild animals.

02:06:57.000 You can't sell wild animals in the United States.

02:07:01.000 Well, you can sell wild fish, but you can't sell wild animals in the United States.

02:07:05.000 That's one of the weird things about fish.

02:07:08.000 What about those exotic people in that documentary?

02:07:11.000 Aren't those wild animals?

02:07:13.000 I mean, for food.

02:07:15.000 Oh, oh, oh, okay, okay.

02:07:16.000 I mean, for food.

02:07:17.000 Okay.

02:07:17.000 You can't, like, even in this country.

02:07:19.000 This is the most trafficked animal?

02:07:21.000 Yeah.

02:07:23.000 Adorable pangolin is the most trafficked animal in the world.

02:07:26.000 How is that possible?

02:07:27.000 Ask Whitney Cummings.

02:07:28.000 She's the one who told me, and it seems to be true.

02:07:31.000 Yeah, it's in the New York Post as well.

02:07:48.000 In April of 2019, Singapore seized a world record 25.6 tons of pangolin scales worth 76.5 million from an estimated 38,000 of the creatures.

02:08:02.000 In December, the scales from some 50,000 African pangolins were seized by Chinese authorities.

02:08:08.000 This is wild.

02:08:08.000 What do they do for it?

02:08:09.000 I don't know.

02:08:34.000 So it's like tiger...

02:08:39.000 Teeth and fucking rhino horn and shit.

02:08:43.000 There's so much of that shit.

02:08:44.000 I was talking to a Chinese guy about that, and I was saying, do they know that rhino horn doesn't work and that they could get Viagra?

02:08:53.000 To make your dick hard, Viagra definitely works.

02:08:56.000 He goes, oh, it's not even that.

02:08:57.000 He goes, a lot of it is a status thing.

02:09:00.000 It's like, so if you are a really wealthy Chinese businessman and you're into this kind of stuff, you want to show that you skirt the laws of animal trafficking.

02:09:10.000 Like shark fin soup, right?

02:09:12.000 Apparently that tastes good.

02:09:13.000 But I'm saying, isn't that something where there's some type of prohibition restriction against it?

02:09:17.000 And then they're like, yeah, but I'm the man.

02:09:20.000 Yeah.

02:09:20.000 Let's get some.

02:09:21.000 I don't know what kind of restrictions they have about that in China, but across the world, rhinos.

02:09:28.000 That's terrible.

02:09:29.000 But they want that tea that they make out of rhino horn because it just makes them like, come, let's discuss business over rhino tea.

02:09:37.000 Ugh.

02:09:37.000 Yeah.

02:09:38.000 I mean, yeah, I get why that happens, but I don't want any.

02:09:41.000 Well, China's so weird, right?

02:09:42.000 Because it's a weird combination of capitalism and communism.

02:09:47.000 And not just communism, but a military, a communist dictatorship.

02:09:52.000 Well, it's interesting, you know, speaking of like the virus, the way...

02:09:56.000 The way China locked down Wuhan, when they decided to, there's no fucking around.

02:10:02.000 Yeah, no fucking around.

02:10:03.000 It's 11 million people in that city.

02:10:04.000 Went through the streets spraying some disinfectant.

02:10:08.000 They sent 40,000 workers to Wuhan to be like, handle this.

02:10:13.000 Lock it down, clean it up.

02:10:14.000 Yeah?

02:10:15.000 Just boom, in one city.

02:10:17.000 What's it like now?

02:10:19.000 Well, here's the thing.

02:10:21.000 You can never trust what the state media says, but they were saying that all their new cases are inbound.

02:10:29.000 So it's travelers coming in.

02:10:31.000 Oh, how convenient.

02:10:32.000 It's all these fucking Italians.

02:10:34.000 Yeah.

02:10:35.000 Coming over here for shark's fin soup and rhino tea.

02:10:38.000 Fucking pasta virus.

02:10:40.000 Cunts.

02:10:40.000 Yeah.

02:10:41.000 It's the rigatoni virus now.

02:10:42.000 It is.

02:10:43.000 You guys did it.

02:10:44.000 Well, they're saying that America could be the next epicenter.

02:10:47.000 Yeah, well, New York has more than 5% of the world's cases right now.

02:10:51.000 Does it really?

02:10:52.000 Yeah.

02:10:52.000 It's growing, too.

02:10:53.000 Well, New York has 25,000 cases as of this morning.

02:10:57.000 That's 5% of the world's cases?

02:10:58.000 That's what the news was last night.

02:11:00.000 They say that for every one person that tests positive, 10 of them have not even been tested that have it.

02:11:06.000 Yeah, there's for sure way more cases.

02:11:09.000 Yeah, because it's impossible to get a test.

02:11:10.000 You can't test them, yeah.

02:11:11.000 Try getting a test right now in LA. LA started a website yesterday with all the information how to get a test.

02:11:18.000 And they're like, first of all, meet this criteria.

02:11:20.000 Are you over 65?

02:11:23.000 Is that really part of it?

02:11:24.000 Yeah.

02:11:25.000 Jesus.

02:11:26.000 Do you have these symptoms?

02:11:28.000 Yeah, you can't even order one online.

02:11:31.000 If you could get a test going right now, it'd be a great business.

02:11:34.000 It would be.

02:11:35.000 Jeff Bezos.

02:11:36.000 And it would be a great way to figure out...

02:11:39.000 Who needs to really be staying home?

02:11:41.000 Did you see the story of the senators that were in a closed door meeting in January about coronavirus and they just dumped all their stock?

02:11:48.000 Yeah.

02:11:49.000 Burr and Loeffler, whatever her name is.

02:11:52.000 Yeah.

02:11:53.000 They're like, that's not what happened.

02:11:54.000 Dude, you had...

02:11:55.000 That is the definition of insider trading.

02:11:58.000 That's what they prosecute.

02:12:00.000 But what's happening to them?

02:12:01.000 Nothing.

02:12:02.000 Nothing.

02:12:03.000 Yeah.

02:12:04.000 What's up, Jamie?

02:12:05.000 Stuff's happening, I guess.

02:12:07.000 It just isn't happening immediately.

02:12:08.000 Yeah.

02:12:08.000 What is happening?

02:12:09.000 The SEC said that they might be looking into it.

02:12:11.000 Oh, they might.

02:12:11.000 Well, I'm trying to get this.

02:12:12.000 I might be looking into that murder.

02:12:14.000 I might be.

02:12:15.000 He's the chairman of the Intelligence Committee.

02:12:17.000 Yeah.

02:12:18.000 Yeah.

02:12:18.000 And dumped all stock.

02:12:19.000 Yep.

02:12:20.000 Oh, they issued a sharp warning.

02:12:21.000 Oh, a sharp warning.

02:12:23.000 Stop.

02:12:24.000 Don't do that again.

02:12:25.000 What are you supposed to do if you know that you're going to lose all that money?

02:12:28.000 That's a good question.

02:12:29.000 I think if you have that type of intel, you...

02:12:33.000 You're not allowed to profit?

02:12:35.000 Well, you're not allowed to use that intelligence that's not open to the public.

02:12:38.000 So I think you have to wait until it goes public.

02:12:41.000 You know what I mean?

02:12:41.000 Like, once that goes public, then you can act on it.

02:12:44.000 Otherwise— Well, the virus is already public.

02:12:46.000 The virus is public, but I think the— Scale?

02:12:50.000 Yeah.

02:12:50.000 The magnitude of the impact?

02:12:52.000 Yeah.

02:12:53.000 Estimate what's going to happen once it hits stateside.

02:12:54.000 When a closed-door meeting is like, hey, shit's about to go down.

02:12:58.000 And then you go, call my broker.

02:12:59.000 Hey, man.

02:13:00.000 It really is a movie.

02:13:01.000 Yeah.

02:13:02.000 I mean, it really is some kind of crazy virus thriller.

02:13:04.000 It is.

02:13:04.000 It is, dude.

02:13:05.000 This is...

02:13:06.000 I mean, like, I said it to...

02:13:08.000 We don't have anybody we can call and be like, do you remember when this happened in your life?

02:13:11.000 No.

02:13:12.000 Nobody does.

02:13:13.000 Nobody does.

02:13:13.000 Yeah.

02:13:14.000 Nobody does.

02:13:15.000 Bert was saying that he thinks that in 2009 he had H1N1. It made sense.

02:13:20.000 He said he was so sick.

02:13:23.000 He said he'd never been more sick in his life.

02:13:25.000 He said he couldn't get comfortable.

02:13:26.000 He couldn't breathe.

02:13:27.000 He was in constant pain.

02:13:28.000 Oh, and somebody he knew had actually verified the DNA. Yeah?

02:13:31.000 Yeah.

02:13:32.000 And that killed a lot of fucking people.

02:13:34.000 Much more lethal.

02:13:35.000 Yeah.

02:13:36.000 Much more.

02:13:36.000 Isn't it interesting?

02:13:37.000 How did they lock that down?

02:13:39.000 I don't know.

02:13:39.000 It never spread, really.

02:13:40.000 I think it's because you got it, and if you were contagious, you knew it.

02:13:45.000 Yeah.

02:13:46.000 This is highly contagious.

02:13:47.000 Yeah.

02:13:48.000 And again, the big problem is we don't know how many people have it.

02:13:52.000 And then you have these asymptomatic people.

02:13:54.000 How many people died from H1N1 in 2009?

02:14:00.000 50,000 in America?

02:14:01.000 That's a lot of people.

02:14:02.000 That's not that much.

02:14:03.000 No, but I'm saying that we would have known about, right?

02:14:05.000 Sorry.

02:14:07.000 Hold on.

02:14:08.000 Well, the thing about the flu every year can kill as many as 90,000 people in America alone.

02:14:13.000 A lot, yeah.

02:14:14.000 Yeah.

02:14:15.000 And we never talk about it, ever.

02:14:16.000 No.

02:14:17.000 This says 2009 flu pandemic killed 18,000 people.

02:14:22.000 I don't know where it's pulling that info from.

02:14:25.000 Go ahead, go ahead, P. Yeah, I think the biggest that I remember reading was 91,000 one year.

02:14:32.000 One year, 91,000 people died from the flu.

02:14:36.000 I'm not sure if that's the United States or North America.

02:14:43.000 The whole thing is kind of crazy.

02:14:45.000 It's interesting that Ron Paul was calling this a hoax before.

02:14:49.000 He was saying, you know, just a hundred people have died in America and they're using this to take away your civil liberties.

02:14:56.000 And then his son got it.

02:14:58.000 I thought his son got it.

02:14:59.000 His son did get it.

02:15:00.000 His son did get it afterwards.

02:15:02.000 And then Nancy Pelosi's daughter tweeted that Ron Paul's neighbor was right.

02:15:12.000 The neighbor that attacked him?

02:15:13.000 Like, what?

02:15:14.000 He has also an underlying issue from that attack.

02:15:17.000 Yeah, he's got a piece of his lung removed.

02:15:19.000 Right, yeah.

02:15:19.000 The guy tackled him, broke five of his ribs, and they had to remove a piece of his lung.

02:15:24.000 And so Nancy Pelosi's daughter says that the neighbor was right.

02:15:28.000 Like, what does that mean?

02:15:29.000 The neighbor's right?

02:15:31.000 Because the guy got sick?

02:15:33.000 The neighbor's right to attack him?

02:15:35.000 Like...

02:15:35.000 Two days ago, his Twitter account, probably his team, tweeted out that he was feeling fine, was asymptomatic, and was not aware of any direct contact with anyone that had it.

02:15:44.000 Wow.

02:15:44.000 I guess they don't know how he got it.

02:15:45.000 So he hasn't, and he's just...

02:15:47.000 How do they test these people?

02:15:49.000 They're testing these people.

02:15:51.000 You know, when you hear about these people getting tested, and they don't even have any symptoms.

02:15:55.000 Like, how are they getting tested, and why are they getting tested when some people are really sick?

02:16:00.000 I've been questioning that too.

02:16:01.000 I think there's a way you can get a private doctor that maybe can get access to a test.

02:16:06.000 A private doctor?

02:16:07.000 That you can pay extra money to get a hold of a test.

02:16:10.000 Really?

02:16:11.000 I think.

02:16:12.000 I don't know.

02:16:12.000 And I don't know if that's the difference between people just showing up at a doctor and just saying, hey, I think I'm sick.

02:16:17.000 Can you please find a test for me?

02:16:18.000 And they're like, I don't know where you want us to find one.

02:16:20.000 We don't have access to that.

02:16:21.000 We're busy.

02:16:23.000 Versus, I don't know.

02:16:24.000 That's what I'm just guessing.

02:16:25.000 The weirdest thing about it to me is the asymptomatic aspect of it, that some people don't experience anything, and other people get really fucking sick.

02:16:34.000 It's almost like if you wanted a disease that spreads, you have it, I mean, have that.

02:16:40.000 Have one where like 50% of the people don't even feel anything, and they just spread it to 50 more people, or 100 more people, or thousands more people.

02:16:50.000 It's weird, man.

02:16:51.000 It just doesn't make sense like a normal thing makes sense.

02:16:55.000 You know, because we haven't experienced this one particular virus before.

02:16:58.000 We really don't know anything about how it's going to end, where it's going to go.

02:17:04.000 And then there's the possibility that it could morph.

02:17:08.000 And that it could, you know, be more contagious or more deadly or more this or more that.

02:17:15.000 Apparently some people who have tested positive for it though are contributing and they're extracting antibodies from these people, people that have gotten over it.

02:17:27.000 But it's still going to be the estimations are six months to a year before they come up with a vaccine.

02:17:32.000 I've only seen rumblings of the false positives online.

02:17:35.000 And it doesn't bubble up too much.

02:17:37.000 I think that happens all the time.

02:17:39.000 False positives with all kinds of diseases.

02:17:42.000 What do you got there, fella?

02:17:43.000 Hand sanitizer?

02:17:44.000 Of course.

02:17:45.000 Yes.

02:17:46.000 Everything.

02:17:47.000 Spray it.

02:17:48.000 Spray it, baby.

02:17:49.000 The pharmacist told me the other day that, I don't know, this is bullshit, but the pharmacist told me that it's not effective unless you have it actually dry on your hand.

02:17:58.000 Like, when people go like that, he's like, you've got to actually have that alcohol dry.

02:18:02.000 A pharmacist told you this?

02:18:04.000 Mm-hmm.

02:18:05.000 He said people, I mean, I don't know, you know, I don't know if he's some fucking lunatic, but that's what he said.

02:18:10.000 Makes sense.

02:18:11.000 Yeah, he's like, it's not, he goes, people like put it on and then just, he's like, no, no, you got to actually rub it all the way in.

02:18:17.000 What is life going to be like when this is done?

02:18:19.000 That's just going to be weird.

02:18:21.000 What is life going to be like?

02:18:22.000 Are we going to be paranoid now?

02:18:24.000 Someone, Weird Al Yankovic tweeted, everyone is Howie Mandel now.

02:18:29.000 I mean, that's not...

02:18:30.000 This is gonna...

02:18:32.000 I do think it's gonna spur this whole generation of super germaphobes like that.

02:18:36.000 Oh, yeah.

02:18:37.000 Especially like a kid.

02:18:38.000 I was thinking about, you know, I said, my kids are too young to recognize what's going on.

02:18:42.000 They don't know what's going on.

02:18:43.000 But any kid that's, you know...

02:18:46.000 Their grandma dies?

02:18:47.000 Yeah.

02:18:48.000 Or just is like, I would say between ages six and...

02:18:53.000 That childlike, you know, growing up age and you go like schools, I'm not going to school anymore, things are shut down, we can't go to restaurants, don't go to movies, everything's different.

02:19:02.000 A lot of those kids are going to grow up super anxious and weirded out by this.

02:19:06.000 Yeah, scared to travel.

02:19:07.000 Yeah.

02:19:08.000 Yeah.

02:19:09.000 Like traveling.

02:19:10.000 Dude, I think I personally never hesitate about any germ stuff.

02:19:14.000 I'm not built like that.

02:19:15.000 But I have thought about getting back on fucking planes.

02:19:19.000 I'm like, God damn.

02:19:20.000 Recirculated air.

02:19:22.000 Nothing you can do about it.

02:19:23.000 Nothing you can do, man.

02:19:25.000 What are those anti-vax people going to do?

02:19:28.000 What are they going to do?

02:19:30.000 Because they don't even want to take a vaccine.

02:19:32.000 What if they come up with a vaccine for this shit?

02:19:34.000 Anti-vax people are the dumbest of all.

02:19:36.000 They're so fucking stupid.

02:19:38.000 Do you have Eddie's number?

02:19:39.000 Do you want me to text him?

02:19:40.000 Is he one of those two?

02:19:41.000 I know he's like, it's so stupid.

02:19:43.000 I mean, that's really idiotic.

02:19:44.000 It's moronic.

02:19:45.000 Yeah, people get mad at you for suggesting that there's something wrong with being an anti-vaxxer.

02:19:51.000 Stupid.

02:19:51.000 You're dumb.

02:19:52.000 I mean, just look at the research.

02:19:55.000 The evidence is all there.

02:19:57.000 It saves lives.

02:19:57.000 The research is all brought to you by the mainstream media.

02:20:00.000 Don't you understand how it works?

02:20:02.000 Sorry.

02:20:02.000 Yeah, why don't you go call Tom Hanks?

02:20:04.000 Yeah.

02:20:05.000 Show up at one of those meetings.

02:20:07.000 I bet he believes in vaccinations.

02:20:09.000 I bet he does now.

02:20:12.000 What do they do?

02:20:13.000 What does an anti-vax person do about coronavirus?

02:20:17.000 If they come out and they go, we have the vaccination now?

02:20:20.000 Yeah.

02:20:21.000 I mean, I don't know, pin them down, fucking jab it in their neck.

02:20:26.000 It's totalitarian.

02:20:28.000 Big fan.

02:20:29.000 Well, one of the things that Putin is doing...

02:20:33.000 Go to Roy Jones Jr.'s Instagram page, because Roy Jones Jr. is a...

02:20:36.000 I don't know if you know this?

02:20:37.000 Big Putin fan?

02:20:38.000 Big Putin fan.

02:20:39.000 I did not know that.

02:20:40.000 Actually has a Russia passport.

02:20:42.000 What?

02:20:43.000 Yes.

02:20:43.000 Did I hear this?

02:20:44.000 He's a Russian citizen.

02:20:46.000 Yes.

02:20:46.000 Roy Jones Jr.?

02:20:47.000 Roy Jones Jr. Must have got some of that sweet, sweet, sweet Russian...

02:20:53.000 I bet it's so good.

02:20:54.000 I bet it's the best.

02:20:55.000 I bet what they honeypot you with is just the best.

02:20:58.000 I bet it's like a fist.

02:21:00.000 You're like, Jesus.

02:21:02.000 What am I looking for?

02:21:03.000 Roy Jones Jr. Instagram page.

02:21:05.000 Oh, Instagram.

02:21:06.000 Sorry.

02:21:06.000 I thought it was Twitter.

02:21:07.000 No, Instagram.

02:21:08.000 And his Instagram page is...

02:21:09.000 Pensacola, Florida.

02:21:10.000 One of the greatest boxers of all time.

02:21:12.000 Oh, man.

02:21:14.000 Not really well read in terms of totalitarian governments and the consequences of...

02:21:22.000 What makes you say that?

02:21:23.000 This.

02:21:24.000 Oh.

02:21:24.000 They're threatening to lock people.

02:21:26.000 Here it goes.

02:21:27.000 You have to choose between staying home for 15 days or prison for five years.

02:21:31.000 And then Roy Jones writes, simple, crisp, and clear, and that's how you fix stuff.

02:21:36.000 Give options.

02:21:36.000 A or B. Simple.

02:21:38.000 Gotta love it.

02:21:40.000 Um...

02:21:42.000 I don't know if you gotta love that.

02:21:45.000 That's...

02:21:46.000 Yeah.

02:21:47.000 Five years in prison!

02:21:49.000 Is that how they're handling it there?

02:21:50.000 I don't know.

02:21:51.000 It might be bullshit.

02:21:52.000 It might just be a meme.

02:21:53.000 Yeah.

02:21:53.000 But I think he's just pro-Putin.

02:21:55.000 Yeah.

02:21:55.000 Putin hooks him up.

02:21:56.000 Yeah.

02:21:57.000 It's always pictures of him hanging out with Putin.

02:21:59.000 Putin comes to his fights.

02:22:01.000 Like Seagal, man.

02:22:01.000 When he was fighting over there.

02:22:02.000 Seagal's the baby.

02:22:03.000 He likes Seagal over there, too?

02:22:04.000 Oh, yeah.

02:22:04.000 Oh, that's right.

02:22:05.000 They're buddies.

02:22:06.000 That whole region loves Seagal.

02:22:08.000 He loves them back.

02:22:09.000 That's so weird.

02:22:10.000 I think he's got a Russian citizenship as well.

02:22:13.000 I think he does too, yeah.

02:22:14.000 So strange.

02:22:15.000 He had an SEC violation recently.

02:22:18.000 For insider trading?

02:22:20.000 He didn't disclose that somebody that he was endorsing.

02:22:24.000 Yeah, he didn't disclose that they were compensating him.

02:22:28.000 And I guess that's an SEC violation.

02:22:30.000 So let me ask you this.

02:22:32.000 While you're on this, where we're all on this hiatus, how are you practicing your Spanish?

02:22:37.000 Are you just practicing it by doing your podcasts?

02:22:40.000 Yeah, doing the podcast, talking to people.

02:22:42.000 The best thing you can do, I mean, I try to do it, the podcast, I try to do it once every couple weeks.

02:22:49.000 The best thing to do if you're ever trying to get better at any language is immersion, and it's forcing yourself to have conversations.

02:22:56.000 You have to talk.

02:22:58.000 It doesn't even matter if you're new at it or you're pretty fluent at it.

02:23:03.000 You have to talk.

02:23:04.000 So do you call your mom and have conversations with her?

02:23:06.000 My mom, my cousins, the tutor, friends.

02:23:10.000 Richard Villa is a comedian, a friend of mine, speaks fluent Spanish.

02:23:15.000 Francisco Ramos, Jose Trejo.

02:23:20.000 Fabricio Cabano, Francisco Ramos, Jesus.

02:23:23.000 Yeah, those guys, all fluent speakers.

02:23:26.000 Yeah, any conversation you can have is going to help you, you know, Maintain it or get better at it.

02:23:32.000 So when you get back on the road, is the number one priority the Spanish special?

02:23:39.000 Like, get the Spanish special rolling, or is it just get your feet back under you?

02:23:43.000 I think it's get the...

02:23:44.000 Yeah.

02:23:44.000 Because, I mean, I was at...

02:23:45.000 That last show I did, March 11th, was 20 minutes of new English material for, like, you know, my stand-up.

02:23:54.000 Right.

02:23:54.000 And so I was, like, feeling pretty good about that, that I had, like, 20 new...

02:23:58.000 You know, and you...

02:23:59.000 And so I was going to go into like a bunch of work.

02:24:01.000 I feel like I would have had 10 more by now.

02:24:04.000 By now, yeah.

02:24:05.000 10 a month is doable.

02:24:06.000 It's doable if you're working.

02:24:08.000 So yeah, I mean, I've been balancing both.

02:24:11.000 I did that 20 new while I was working on the Spanish stuff.

02:24:14.000 So it's going to be to go try to get back to both, man.

02:24:18.000 Just doing the Spanish stuff and getting my regular English set.

02:24:23.000 Isn't it going to be weird to do set the first time?

02:24:25.000 It's going to be real weird.

02:24:26.000 Strange.

02:24:26.000 It's also, it seems to me, that we have this idea that things can't change, so we have to go back to the way they were.

02:24:33.000 Right.

02:24:33.000 We have to.

02:24:34.000 It's going to be that way again.

02:24:36.000 We're all comedy junkies, right?

02:24:40.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:24:41.000 I mean, that's a...

02:24:43.000 I mean, I've said this many times before, but it's true.

02:24:45.000 I feel bad for people who've never killed.

02:24:47.000 They don't know what that feels like.

02:24:48.000 Right.

02:24:49.000 They don't know what it feels like.

02:24:50.000 I thought for a second, like, you meant killed a person.

02:24:51.000 No, no.

02:24:52.000 Oh, I was like, whoa.

02:24:53.000 On stage.

02:24:53.000 I mean, on stage.

02:24:54.000 No, no, I know, I know.

02:24:55.000 I was like...

02:24:55.000 I feel bad for someone who's never rocked a house.

02:24:59.000 Yeah.

02:24:59.000 Like, you don't know what that's like to crush...

02:25:01.000 I think, too, the perspective changes for them.

02:25:04.000 You ever have a friend watch from the wings?

02:25:07.000 Yes.

02:25:08.000 It always feels different.

02:25:10.000 They're like, that's what you fucking feel up there?

02:25:12.000 Yeah.

02:25:13.000 Because they get to actually sense that happening.

02:25:15.000 Yeah.

02:25:16.000 You know, now I'm remembering.

02:25:18.000 When I came to see you, I was so exhausted that I fell asleep in your dressing room.

02:25:24.000 I'm like, man, I'm not doing so good.

02:25:25.000 And then I was thinking about this coronavirus shit.

02:25:27.000 I'm like, I better get back to the hotel.

02:25:28.000 And I crashed so hard.

02:25:30.000 I slept for like 10 hours that night.

02:25:32.000 That's not normal for you, right?

02:25:33.000 No, it's so weird.

02:25:35.000 I was watching.

02:25:36.000 I was like, God damn, I got to sit down.

02:25:37.000 And I went to your dressing room for a second.

02:25:39.000 I took a leak.

02:25:40.000 Sat down on the couch.

02:25:42.000 And I was nodding out.

02:25:43.000 I was hanging out with Jamie.

02:25:44.000 And I was like, I think I need to go back to the room.

02:25:47.000 Yeah.

02:25:47.000 I'm like, I'm hurting.

02:25:48.000 Maybe I was fighting something off.

02:25:50.000 Maybe, man.

02:25:51.000 Maybe.

02:25:52.000 But that's going to be everybody from now to the end.

02:25:54.000 I think I might have had it for a day or two.

02:25:56.000 Yeah.

02:25:57.000 But my immune system's amazing and I shuck it off.

02:26:00.000 Yeah.

02:26:01.000 It's so weird that some people get it and some people don't.

02:26:05.000 There's nothing like this.

02:26:06.000 There's nothing like this, man.

02:26:09.000 Well, so I guess we just keep doing this.

02:26:12.000 We just keep doing podcasts.

02:26:13.000 I'm really pumping them out.

02:26:14.000 As long as we keep our social distancing and wash our hands and stuff.

02:26:18.000 And I'm not touching my face at all.

02:26:20.000 No.

02:26:21.000 I don't think.

02:26:22.000 It's one of those things that you just...

02:26:25.000 You start doing it, you don't even realize you're doing it.

02:26:27.000 Even on those announcements, the doctors...

02:26:30.000 The lady licked her finger!

02:26:31.000 Licked her finger, and the other guy scratched his face.

02:26:34.000 I mean, they're all touching their face.

02:26:36.000 But when she licked her finger right after she said it, it's like, what are you doing?

02:26:39.000 You maniac.

02:26:40.000 Yeah, of course.

02:26:42.000 When was that, when she licked her finger?

02:26:44.000 It was about 10 days ago.

02:26:47.000 It was only 10 days ago?

02:26:48.000 When she did that?

02:26:49.000 Yeah, that was about 10 days ago.

02:26:50.000 What is today?

02:26:50.000 The 24th.

02:26:52.000 Yeah.

02:26:53.000 Yeah.

02:26:56.000 I don't know.

02:26:57.000 What's that?

02:26:57.000 Three weeks ago.

02:26:58.000 When she did that?

02:26:59.000 Yeah.

02:27:00.000 Wow.

02:27:00.000 Whoa.

02:27:01.000 I was way off.

02:27:02.000 Time's moving fast.

02:27:03.000 Time is moving fast.

02:27:05.000 Yeah.

02:27:05.000 You can go...

02:27:06.000 The other thing that's strange is that you consume the media, you know, like the news of it and, oh my God, what's going on?

02:27:13.000 And then you can walk down a street or drive down the street and forget.

02:27:17.000 You know what I mean?

02:27:17.000 Yeah.

02:27:18.000 Like, there's this sense of, you know...

02:27:21.000 So I talked to another cousin of mine, a doctor, and she's like, oh, I don't turn any of it on.

02:27:29.000 I just get it out of my mind.

02:27:32.000 I already know what's happening, so I just choose not to be bombarded by it.

02:27:37.000 Yeah, you can be bombarded.

02:27:39.000 You know, and it also shifts your view of the world, so it can heighten your anxiety and your paranoia.

02:27:45.000 People who are anxious already, people who already have anxiety issues, they must be a fucking wreck right now.

02:27:51.000 Absolutely.

02:27:51.000 Because they're like, oh my god, I was right, the world is ending.

02:27:55.000 There's a mandatory lockdown across the entire country, except Montana.

02:27:59.000 It's weird to have this going on, honestly, and promote a special.

02:28:06.000 I know.

02:28:07.000 But there's so many people at home.

02:28:09.000 There's so many people at home.

02:28:10.000 I mean, look, I understand the whole marketing of it and how that works, but you're just like, you know, you're on these calls and they're like, tell us about your new special.

02:28:18.000 Isn't it crazy there's a pandemic?

02:28:20.000 So when did you guys shoot it?

02:28:21.000 I'm like, um, yeah.

02:28:22.000 What do you mean by ball hogs?

02:28:25.000 And why do you have all those Pornhub girls that are saying ball hog?

02:28:30.000 Yeah.

02:28:30.000 Did you get those girls to say that, or are they already saying ball hog?

02:28:33.000 They're already saying it.

02:28:34.000 Are you talking about my stories?

02:28:35.000 Yeah.

02:28:36.000 Yeah, they were already...

02:28:37.000 That's where I got the title.

02:28:39.000 Uh-huh.

02:28:40.000 So I was on the road.

02:28:41.000 I was J-ing my D. Woo!

02:28:43.000 And I saw a nice lady...

02:28:49.000 Doing really extensive stuff to this guy's balls.

02:28:52.000 And I was like, I wonder if there's a whole sub-genre dedicated to this, you know?

02:28:55.000 So I typed it in, and they're like, you might enjoy ball hogs.

02:29:00.000 So in that feature, these ladies, they introduce themselves, and they go, and I'm a ball hog.

02:29:07.000 So they all do it, and they really work on guys' balls, like hardcore, really intense.

02:29:12.000 And so in the special, I at one point just referenced, not that film, but I just tell people that their mothers are ball hogs.

02:29:25.000 And then I think, you're really good at this, by the way, picking titles.

02:29:29.000 I think it's one of the hardest things, you know?

02:29:31.000 You're doing your edit and you just want your show together.

02:29:33.000 And they're like, what are you going to call it?

02:29:34.000 And you're like, I don't fucking know.

02:29:35.000 Live from here.

02:29:36.000 It's just the worst.

02:29:38.000 But you've had good ones.

02:29:40.000 But anyways, I was going back and forth with different titles, and it was suggested, actually.

02:29:45.000 Josh, my manager, he was like, what about ball?

02:29:47.000 And I just smiled ear to ear, and I was like, yes!

02:29:50.000 So it was settled at that point.

02:29:52.000 What was your tour named?

02:29:54.000 Take It Down.

02:29:55.000 Oh, yeah.

02:29:56.000 You can't call it Take It Down.

02:29:57.000 You can't call it Take It Down.

02:29:58.000 No, I mean, you could, but...

02:29:59.000 No, no, you can't.

02:30:01.000 Ball Hog's better.

02:30:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:30:03.000 It's funny when you call a tour one thing and then you call a special.

02:30:06.000 I know.

02:30:07.000 And people are like, you should call it Take It Down.

02:30:08.000 I'm like, yeah, but they don't want it to be called Take It Down.

02:30:11.000 Yeah.

02:30:11.000 Netflix isn't like, it'd be great if you call this Take It Down.

02:30:15.000 Ball Hog's perfect.

02:30:16.000 Yeah.

02:30:17.000 And plus it has that other meaning too.

02:30:19.000 Yeah.

02:30:19.000 Selfish sharing.

02:30:21.000 Yeah.

02:30:22.000 Yeah.

02:30:23.000 It has a couple layers to it.

02:30:24.000 Yeah.

02:30:25.000 Yeah, naming it.

02:30:27.000 Don't you get that feeling, too, when it's over that's just like, I just needed another couple months?

02:30:31.000 Always.

02:30:32.000 Always.

02:30:33.000 Dude, so we shot at Austin City Limits.

02:30:36.000 Great place.

02:30:37.000 Beautiful, amazing venue.

02:30:39.000 The next day, I had to move venues, because we would have shot the next day as well.

02:30:45.000 The next day, we stayed in Austin, and we did two more shows at the Paramount.

02:30:50.000 So if we had had the opportunity, I just would have stayed and done, because you guys started doing, I love it, the four-show tape.

02:30:58.000 I would have done it.

02:30:59.000 I would have done it.

02:31:00.000 You just didn't have the venue.

02:31:02.000 So we can't do it.

02:31:03.000 So you just did one night, two shows?

02:31:05.000 One night, two shows, and the next night switched to a venue.

02:31:08.000 But the next night you feel even looser.

02:31:10.000 That's what I'm saying, yeah, so I forgot my train of thought.

02:31:12.000 The next night, you have the relief of, like, I shot it, and then, like, this joke, taking it here.

02:31:19.000 You're like, I wish there was a way you could make yourself do that.

02:31:22.000 I know.

02:31:23.000 Well, the way you can is by doing four shows.

02:31:25.000 That changed everything for me.

02:31:27.000 When I started doing four shows, it made all shows be like a show.

02:31:32.000 And like when I did Boston, when I did Strange Times, the first show was where most of this shit came from.

02:31:39.000 I only had a couple of bits that I didn't do earlier that I did, that I had to sandwich in there.

02:31:44.000 But most of the set was from the first show because I was so loose.

02:31:47.000 Dude, the next night I added...

02:31:49.000 A line to one of the table-setting jokes, and it just fucking crushed so hard that I took it out of the special.

02:32:02.000 I took the joke out of the special.

02:32:03.000 I go, I gotta keep this joke.

02:32:06.000 I was like, I can use it again.

02:32:10.000 Well, that's good that you can do that.

02:32:11.000 That's good.

02:32:12.000 I had to trim down too.

02:32:14.000 Otherwise it would fucking haunt you.

02:32:17.000 It makes you hate yourself.

02:32:18.000 You should almost tape twice.

02:32:20.000 Tape and then tape again in four months.

02:32:22.000 I know.

02:32:22.000 It would change everything.

02:32:24.000 Tape again in a month.

02:32:26.000 A month.

02:32:26.000 A month's enough time.

02:32:28.000 Yes.

02:32:29.000 Yeah.

02:32:29.000 Film and then film again in a month.

02:32:31.000 And then watch that in between?

02:32:32.000 Yeah.

02:32:32.000 Just be such a gangster that you're going to pay double taping money.

02:32:37.000 You don't give a fuck.

02:32:38.000 You don't give a fuck.

02:32:39.000 Especially today with all this fucking quarantine money.

02:32:42.000 Oh my god.

02:32:44.000 If Netflix paid you per view, you'd be cashing in right now, son.

02:32:49.000 I know.

02:32:50.000 And then what'll happen is I'll go to negotiate next time and I'll be like, these views were pretty...

02:32:53.000 They'll be like, that wasn't real.

02:32:54.000 That was quarantine views.

02:32:56.000 Quarantine views.

02:32:56.000 You're a Corona comic.

02:32:58.000 A Corona comic!

02:32:59.000 Yeah, there's a...

02:33:00.000 They're throttling internet now.

02:33:02.000 Yeah.

02:33:03.000 Because so many people are online.

02:33:05.000 Yeah.

02:33:05.000 They're really concerned about New York City.

02:33:08.000 Because New York City hasn't even hit its peak yet.

02:33:10.000 They think the peak is within two to three weeks.

02:33:13.000 So the cases you're experiencing now, that's not even peak.

02:33:16.000 So in two to three weeks, there's going to be even more people at home taxing the structure of all the services, whether it's electricity, whether it's internet, everything.

02:33:29.000 All the underlying things that you use and you take for granted.

02:33:34.000 Never max capacity at this show.

02:33:36.000 Right.

02:33:36.000 Never.

02:33:37.000 That's with cell phones.

02:33:39.000 Whenever there's an emergency, you can't make a phone call because everyone's on their phone.

02:33:42.000 And then you realize, what are you selling?

02:33:44.000 You're selling phones where everybody can use the phone, but you can't all use the phone at once.

02:33:49.000 You're planning.

02:33:50.000 The way your structure is set up, it's only set up for a certain amount of people using it at the same time, even though you sold 300 million cell phones.

02:34:01.000 Yeah.

02:34:01.000 You can't really use them all at once.

02:34:03.000 Well, it's busy right now, man.

02:34:05.000 Your infrastructure sucks.

02:34:05.000 Yeah, that's true.

02:34:06.000 That's true.

02:34:07.000 They sell whack-ass fucking half-baked infrastructure.

02:34:10.000 Yeah.

02:34:11.000 Yeah, and you don't realize it until something like this happens.

02:34:14.000 You're like, oh, there's not room for all of us?

02:34:17.000 Yeah.

02:34:19.000 Well, the last apocalypse you and I experienced, we went to a nice hotel.

02:34:22.000 That's right.

02:34:23.000 During the fire, and we stayed in the same hotel.

02:34:25.000 I know.

02:34:25.000 Let's leave together.

02:34:28.000 I'll leave together with you.

02:34:29.000 Where do you want to go?

02:34:30.000 We gotta go somewhere...

02:34:32.000 Colorado.

02:34:33.000 Get a ranch.

02:34:34.000 Colorado would be dope.

02:34:35.000 What about somewhere really hot?

02:34:37.000 Hot?

02:34:37.000 Hot.

02:34:38.000 Is it hot?

02:34:39.000 I think so.

02:34:40.000 Arizona?

02:34:41.000 I know there's a theory in it, but the viruses thrive more in the cold setting.

02:34:48.000 Hmm.

02:34:48.000 Yeah, that is a theory.

02:34:50.000 I don't know if it's factual.

02:34:52.000 Hmm.

02:34:53.000 I think the virus just needs hosts.

02:34:55.000 What about like Fiji?

02:34:57.000 You know what I mean?

02:34:58.000 Yeah, but then they fucking steal your money.

02:35:00.000 What do you mean?

02:35:01.000 Go to some weird, whack-ass foreign government.

02:35:03.000 You can't keep your money over there.

02:35:05.000 Bet there's no corona in Papua New Guinea right now.

02:35:07.000 You don't think so?

02:35:08.000 Because they're all eating brains.

02:35:09.000 Dude.

02:35:10.000 They're eating cannibals.

02:35:11.000 They were telling, one of the guys told me he had a, when I was in Australia like a month ago, or two months ago, he goes, I was working there on some construction thing, and he goes, you don't leave the area that they tell you, because, you know, things get crazy and lawless.

02:35:27.000 If you venture out, somebody, you know, could fuck you up.

02:35:32.000 No one will ever know.

02:35:33.000 Have you ever heard of the semen warriors from Papua New Guinea?

02:35:36.000 Mm-mm.

02:35:38.000 Prepare yourself for this story.

02:35:40.000 There's a tribe where when boys are young, they take them out of the tribe and they teach them that in order for them to fully grow, they must ingest semen.

02:35:52.000 Anally and through the mouth.

02:35:54.000 And so they fuck these boys and make these boys suck dick all their life.

02:36:00.000 Until they grow full, you know, full size.

02:36:03.000 And then they turn around and do it to young boys.

02:36:06.000 Pass the gift on to somebody else?

02:36:07.000 Yeah.

02:36:07.000 The semen warriors of Papua New Guinea.

02:36:10.000 Semen?

02:36:10.000 Semen.

02:36:11.000 Come.

02:36:11.000 Yeah.

02:36:12.000 And they have these names like Anal Father and Anal Son and yeah.

02:36:17.000 And the way they refer to it.

02:36:19.000 But it's like some pedo.

02:36:21.000 Like at one point in time, started this out and was like, in order for you to grow, you've got to suck my cock.

02:36:26.000 And I was like, well, I want to be big and strong.

02:36:28.000 I definitely want to grow.

02:36:29.000 Yeah.

02:36:29.000 Literally, there's a whole tribe that operates under that principle.

02:36:34.000 All right.

02:36:34.000 And people have visited them.

02:36:35.000 I think they're cannibals as well.

02:36:37.000 There's a lot of cannibalism going on down there.

02:36:39.000 That's a nice ribbon on the day.

02:36:41.000 You know that, what is it called, Krutzfeldt-Jakob disease?

02:36:47.000 Same thing as mad cow.

02:36:49.000 Is that from eating too much jizz?

02:36:50.000 It's a prion disease.

02:36:53.000 Prions are, it's a type of...

02:37:00.000 It's a type of encephalopathy.

02:37:04.000 It's not like a virus and it's not bacteria.

02:37:07.000 It's in its own category.

02:37:08.000 But it's a disease that affects cannibals.

02:37:15.000 And the way they got it to cows is, and I might be if you're a biologist, I'm so sorry I'm fucking this up.

02:37:20.000 I know I am.

02:37:21.000 Cows got it from them serving cows cow brains.

02:37:25.000 Jesus.

02:37:26.000 So mad cow disease, the origin of that was they would grind up these cows and the parts they didn't use and feed it to cows because it's protein.

02:37:34.000 Well, you would give these cows this cannibal disease that also exists in Papua New Guinea in these cannibals.

02:37:40.000 Oh my God.

02:37:41.000 So these cannibals get this disease, and these prions, they can survive thousands of degrees in temperature for hours.

02:37:51.000 They've done experiments on people, human beings that had mad cow disease, and the instruments they used to operate on them.

02:37:59.000 They ran them through these sterilization cycles two, three times.

02:38:03.000 And the prions are still alive.

02:38:05.000 What?

02:38:06.000 Yeah.

02:38:06.000 Yeah, they're literally almost impossible to kill.

02:38:09.000 And there's a version of it that is making its way through deer populations right now.

02:38:14.000 It's called chronic wasting disease.

02:38:15.000 Chronic wasting disease is also a prion disease, and it has not made the jump yet from deer to people.

02:38:21.000 Does that mean that's from eating deer?

02:38:23.000 Or...

02:38:24.000 No, they don't know what caused that prion disease, but it is a prion disease.

02:38:28.000 They don't think it's necessarily from deer eating deer.

02:38:31.000 What was the tribe that was in the news, like, I want to say in the last 12, 16 months, where they have no contact?

02:38:39.000 North Sentinel Island.

02:38:41.000 Yes.

02:38:41.000 I have a whole bit about that.

02:38:42.000 Have you seen my bit?

02:38:43.000 No.

02:38:44.000 And this is like the guy who was like, I'm here.

02:38:46.000 Save you.

02:38:47.000 They lit him up.

02:38:48.000 And then in the Indian, is it the Indian government?

02:38:50.000 It's like, we don't fuck with them.

02:38:52.000 It's in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

02:38:53.000 Yeah.

02:38:54.000 Yeah, there's a few places like that.

02:38:56.000 Real, uncontacted tribes.

02:38:58.000 And another one is, there's a couple of them still left in the Amazon.

02:39:01.000 And the problem with the ones in the Amazon is these people have land and they try to protect these people because the land is valuable.

02:39:08.000 And so then people from these either mining companies or oil companies, they'll go in and kill these people.

02:39:16.000 Fuck.

02:39:16.000 Yeah, because they're like, fuck you.

02:39:18.000 We're taking your land.

02:39:19.000 There's a real issue with that in the Amazon where they'll go and assassinate these tribes.

02:39:23.000 What's the Sentinel tribe?

02:39:24.000 What's it called?

02:39:24.000 North Sentinel Island.

02:39:25.000 North Sentinel Island.

02:39:26.000 Yeah.

02:39:27.000 Middle of the Indian Ocean.

02:39:28.000 Direct descendants of people who left Africa 60,000 years ago.

02:39:31.000 Holy shit.

02:39:32.000 Yeah.

02:39:33.000 Yeah, that's one of the most uncontacted places.

02:39:37.000 But they've all been contacted.

02:39:38.000 Everyone's been slightly contacted, at least historically.

02:39:42.000 But that one is a particularly weird one.

02:39:44.000 I don't think they're cannibals, but they might be.

02:39:47.000 But the ones in New Guinea are.

02:39:49.000 Yeah.

02:39:50.000 You should Google semen warriors of Papua New Guinea.

02:39:53.000 That's going to be what I read about tonight.

02:39:56.000 Yeah.

02:39:56.000 All right.

02:39:57.000 Ball Hog, it's on Netflix right now.

02:39:59.000 Go get it.

02:40:00.000 It's fucking awesome.

02:40:01.000 I didn't see the special, but I definitely saw you murder with that material.

02:40:05.000 Thanks, man.

02:40:05.000 It was great to see.

02:40:06.000 Thanks for having me, man.

02:40:07.000 My pleasure, my brother.

02:40:08.000 Always.

02:40:09.000 Let's get through this together.

02:40:10.000 Let's do it.

02:40:10.000 If we have to move together, let's figure out a spot.

02:40:11.000 Let's figure out a spot right now.

02:40:12.000 I'm down, dude.

02:40:13.000 All right.

02:40:13.000 I like to get the fuck out of here.

02:40:15.000 I'll do it.

02:40:15.000 If we have a spot and we just find a cool spot, we can get a bunch of cool people to move up there with us.

02:40:20.000 And then, you know...

02:40:21.000 Maybe Burr could fly us, you know?

02:40:23.000 I don't want to get a helicopter.

02:40:25.000 Alright, fuck him.

02:40:26.000 No, not after that.

02:40:26.000 Who flies planes?

02:40:27.000 Yeah.

02:40:28.000 Somebody.

02:40:29.000 Lil Duval.

02:40:30.000 Lil Duval?

02:40:31.000 He flies planes.

02:40:32.000 He does?

02:40:33.000 He's got two planes.

02:40:34.000 Lil Duval flies planes.

02:40:35.000 That guy's the shit.

02:40:36.000 I love that guy.

02:40:37.000 His Instagram?

02:40:38.000 Follow Lil Duval on Instagram.

02:40:40.000 He's got one of the best Instagram accounts on the planet Earth and he updates it all day long.

02:40:44.000 It's like all he does is just talk shit on Instagram.

02:40:47.000 He's hilarious.

02:40:50.000 Alright.

02:40:50.000 Ball Hog.

02:40:51.000 Go watch it, you fucks.

02:40:52.000 Why are you even listening to this anymore?

02:40:53.000 You should be watching Ball Hog.

02:40:54.000 Thank you.

02:40:55.000 Bye!

02:40:55.000 Bye, everybody.

02:40:56.000 Bye!

02:40:58.000 Thanks, man.

02:40:59.000 My pleasure.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 25, 2020

Joe Rogan Experience #1447 - Tom Segura

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