The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1448

00:00:03.000 And we're live, Joey Diaz.

00:00:06.000 My brother.

00:00:07.000 How you feeling?

00:00:08.000 Like a new fucking man, rested.

00:00:10.000 I know, rested, right?

00:00:11.000 Rested, very rested.

00:00:13.000 I looked at this as a reset button.

00:00:17.000 As soon as I came back from Vegas, I knew what time it was.

00:00:21.000 February 29th was at 50% capacity.

00:00:25.000 Yeah, we were there a week later.

00:00:26.000 We were there when Tommy was at the Mirage, and the UFC had their Vegas, the Las Vegas card.

00:00:34.000 It was a ghost town.

00:00:37.000 Not even half full.

00:00:38.000 I mean, a week after you, you were at 50% capacity.

00:00:41.000 You were probably dropping less than that.

00:00:42.000 30. It was at 30. But the UFC was packed.

00:00:45.000 It was packed.

00:00:46.000 And then I came to the Comedy Store March 2nd, and that's when I could smell it in the fucking air.

00:00:53.000 When I went into the green room, bro, and I saw all those people in the green room, I basically had a fucking panic attack.

00:01:00.000 Yeah, and I went right to the door.

00:01:01.000 There's a street door in the back of the Eddie Murphy door.

00:01:05.000 If he comes back, that's what we'll call it, the Eddie Murphy door.

00:01:08.000 Because how else is he going to get in and out of there?

00:01:10.000 There's no other way.

00:01:10.000 Yeah, they're going to have to have guards to get him in.

00:01:12.000 So I went to the Eddie Murphy door, and I stayed there.

00:01:16.000 And you could just see people in the audience like nothing was going on.

00:01:19.000 And I just got shattered.

00:01:21.000 I was shattered by Saturday.

00:01:23.000 And remember, I was supposed to be in New York for St. Paddy's Day and the Monday before.

00:01:29.000 I was supposed to be in New York the 16th and the 17th with a show at Nyack.

00:01:33.000 On the 12th.

00:01:34.000 And I saw it happening.

00:01:36.000 I went to a doctor for a shot on my knee to get the gel for the arthritis.

00:01:41.000 And he said, you might have a weird reaction to it.

00:01:43.000 And sure enough, Tuesday, I went to boxing class.

00:01:45.000 And the guy goes, dog, your leg is bruised.

00:01:48.000 So I had a little bruising on my leg.

00:01:50.000 And I got home.

00:01:51.000 And that night on the news, it had hit New Rochelle.

00:01:55.000 And I go, wait a second.

00:01:56.000 New Rochelle and Nyack, they're like fucking neighbors.

00:02:01.000 You know, my memory might not serve me right, but in my mind, that's all clustered.

00:02:06.000 It's all pretty on top of everything.

00:02:08.000 So I sent a picture of my knee to the producers, and I said, I'm not coming in.

00:02:13.000 Because they wanted me to come in Thursday for wardrobe.

00:02:16.000 And then I was just going to sit in my hotel room for two days.

00:02:18.000 You know, go to Jersey and eat shit like that.

00:02:20.000 So even during all this, they were still planning on filming?

00:02:23.000 And this is for the Sopranos movie?

00:02:26.000 So we were gonna do a couple of shoots, reshoots.

00:02:29.000 No, not reshoots, extra scenes.

00:02:31.000 So that Tuesday when I got home, New Rochelle had busted.

00:02:34.000 I sent them a picture of my knee and said, I'm not getting on a plane till Friday.

00:02:38.000 I want the swelling to go down.

00:02:40.000 But it doesn't take a fucking...

00:02:41.000 I got a GED. And when I was in New York City in May, I went by the garden to eat lunch.

00:02:47.000 I wanted to get out of my hotel room, and I went to the garden.

00:02:51.000 On the side, you could sit there at 12 o'clock, and they have everything.

00:02:54.000 Steak sandwiches, whatever you want.

00:02:56.000 Pretty fucking good, too.

00:02:57.000 Trucks?

00:02:58.000 No.

00:02:59.000 They have a building that has foods inside, and they have some trucks, and you could sit outside.

00:03:03.000 Fucking beautiful.

00:03:03.000 But while I was sitting there, it was a Tuesday.

00:03:06.000 I was off from shooting, and I remember calling my wife and specifically saying, I like it here and everything, but if Godzilla comes out of the Hudson River, where are all these people going to go?

00:03:20.000 Yeah.

00:03:20.000 If you sit in New York City in Manhattan, like on the 50s, and just sit there at a cafe, you could estimate, I mean, it's like maybe 10,000 for every 10 minutes that you sit there, people that walk by you.

00:03:35.000 We don't have that foot traffic in LA like there's in New York.

00:03:40.000 There's a little bit of foot traffic downtown, but Sunset Strip, that ship sailed.

00:03:45.000 You don't see people walking around the Sunset Strip, Hollywood Boulevard, but not to the dense, you know, not to the numbers of New York.

00:03:54.000 So it was a no-fucking-brain.

00:03:55.000 This is a GED here.

00:03:57.000 This is me sitting there going, this is going to happen.

00:03:59.000 I just kept cutting it down.

00:04:02.000 And my biggest fear...

00:04:04.000 Was going to the East Coast and getting stuck.

00:04:09.000 It could happen.

00:04:10.000 I would have had to buy a truck, a Cadillac, and drove back.

00:04:12.000 I was already prepared.

00:04:14.000 I was like, I'm going to buy a truck and drive back.

00:04:16.000 Do you think you could do that drive?

00:04:17.000 That's a long-ass fucking drive.

00:04:18.000 I could do that.

00:04:18.000 I've done that drive 20 times.

00:04:20.000 What is it, five days?

00:04:21.000 Five days.

00:04:22.000 Four days.

00:04:24.000 Four days, you've got to do, like, what, 16 hours a day?

00:04:27.000 Yeah.

00:04:29.000 It's hard to stay awake.

00:04:30.000 I did Colorado, New Jersey, like the back of my hand.

00:04:33.000 How far is that?

00:04:34.000 In the early 80s, three.

00:04:35.000 What is it from here to Colorado, like here to Denver?

00:04:38.000 I think 16. 16?

00:04:40.000 Here to Utah, Salt Lake is 10?

00:04:43.000 10. That's a good one.

00:04:45.000 Did you do that one?

00:04:46.000 That's a good escape.

00:04:47.000 Have you done that track?

00:04:48.000 No, I have not.

00:04:49.000 But I've done Vegas multiple times, right?

00:04:51.000 Vegas is about four and a half.

00:04:52.000 Four and a half, yeah.

00:04:53.000 And then you go another six-ish, somewhere in that range.

00:04:56.000 You get to Salt Lake, depending on traffic.

00:04:58.000 Salt Lake, you go to Salt Lake City at five in the afternoon, like, oh, fuck, rush hour.

00:05:03.000 Hey, where's the cars?

00:05:05.000 Just fly by.

00:05:06.000 There's no one there.

00:05:07.000 Just fly by.

00:05:07.000 There's nobody there.

00:05:08.000 There's nobody there.

00:05:08.000 And now, it took me 10 minutes to get here.

00:05:10.000 We thought, I thought Salt Lake City was like millions.

00:05:13.000 I thought it was like millions of people.

00:05:14.000 It's not millions.

00:05:15.000 What did we figure it out, Jamie?

00:05:17.000 It's like a couple hundred thousand.

00:05:19.000 What a cool fucking place.

00:05:21.000 I love it.

00:05:22.000 I love Salt Lake City.

00:05:23.000 It's so underrated.

00:05:24.000 The Mormons put a stink on it.

00:05:26.000 Nobody knows dick about dick.

00:05:28.000 They got reefer, bongs, grenades.

00:05:30.000 They got everything.

00:05:30.000 Great Mexican food.

00:05:31.000 Great food.

00:05:32.000 Did you go to that one famous Mexican joint, something lizard?

00:05:36.000 I was walking around and some guy goes, Joey Dears, I got the perfect spot for you.

00:05:40.000 He seemed cool.

00:05:41.000 He drove me to a Mexican joint.

00:05:43.000 What is that?

00:05:43.000 There's a one famous Mexican spot in...

00:05:46.000 Did you get the number?

00:05:48.000 It says estimated is 200k, but the metro area is 1.2 million, so I don't know.

00:05:54.000 Yeah, that goes all the way out to the mountains.

00:05:57.000 1.2 million.

00:05:58.000 That's nothing.

00:05:59.000 Yeah, that's nothing.

00:06:01.000 200,000 in the city.

00:06:02.000 When you see those pop, when people are like dancing, then I started hearing that we're going to cancel Coachella.

00:06:08.000 And I'm like, then I gotta cancel Coachella.

00:06:10.000 They're too fucking greedy to cancel Coachella.

00:06:13.000 Dog, old people.

00:06:14.000 That's what some palms bring us.

00:06:15.000 Well, once they canceled South by Southwest, I was like, ooh.

00:06:19.000 I'm like, whoa, this is crazy.

00:06:20.000 The store was planning on keeping the OR open, and they canceled my show in the main room, and they offered me a spot in the OR. I was like, I don't think we should be doing shows.

00:06:30.000 This seems like it's getting real.

00:06:34.000 Because if you make a mistake, and there's a 14-day period where all these people can get infected, who the fuck knows who gets infected during those 14 days?

00:06:44.000 Because we didn't know what it was yet.

00:06:46.000 It's still, we don't know what it is.

00:06:48.000 It's still strange because so many people, Idris Elba apparently is asymptomatic.

00:06:53.000 He's not showing any symptoms and he has asthma.

00:06:55.000 And I was reading something, find out if this is true, that somewhere in the neighborhood of 60% of the people are asymptomatic.

00:07:05.000 And I wonder if that means they never show symptoms, or I wonder if that means they're asymptomatic for a certain period of time, so 60% of the people infected are asymptomatic, but a certain percentage of those people ultimately get the cold, or get the cough and all the terrible symptoms.

00:07:24.000 The fever.

00:07:27.000 Listen, you know a lot of people, and I know a lot of people, and nobody's called me yet.

00:07:34.000 That has it?

00:07:34.000 I have.

00:07:35.000 Michael Yeo.

00:07:36.000 Michael Yeo was almost dead.

00:07:37.000 Michael Yeo went to New York City, did Gotham.

00:07:40.000 He came back, he got real sick.

00:07:42.000 No!

00:07:42.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:07:43.000 He got pneumonia.

00:07:45.000 And the COVID-19 at the same time.

00:07:48.000 So he got coronavirus and pneumonia.

00:07:51.000 And he said, now six days ago, I talked to him two days ago, he said, four days before that, he thought he was going to die.

00:07:58.000 He said, I couldn't breathe.

00:07:59.000 Pneumonia and this coronavirus.

00:08:01.000 I think this motherfucker, it plays with you.

00:08:06.000 If you don't have it, if you don't get it, you can kind of like, oh, this is no big deal.

00:08:11.000 But if you do get it, it fucking grabs you.

00:08:15.000 Like Jamie knows a girl who's 21 who lost her sense of smell and taste.

00:08:19.000 And it just, it wrecks people.

00:08:21.000 We were Googling a story about this Olympic swimmer from South Africa, 31, stud athlete.

00:08:28.000 Olympic swimmer.

00:08:29.000 He said this virus fucked him up.

00:08:31.000 He said it was the worst thing he's ever experienced.

00:08:33.000 So it's weird.

00:08:34.000 It almost plays with our mind.

00:08:37.000 It makes some people seem like they're immune, and some people are fine, and maybe it's you.

00:08:43.000 Take a chance.

00:08:44.000 Go outside.

00:08:46.000 Take a chance.

00:08:47.000 Go to a restaurant.

00:08:48.000 Take a chance.

00:08:49.000 Go to the beach.

00:08:50.000 Let's go to the beach.

00:08:51.000 What's the worst thing that can happen?

00:08:52.000 Fuck it.

00:08:52.000 Eat it.

00:08:52.000 Crack those assholes.

00:08:54.000 Go deep.

00:08:54.000 Fuck it.

00:08:55.000 And then boom, a bunch of people in your family get it, and then boom, your grandma dies.

00:08:59.000 Look at Italy.

00:09:00.000 Do you know what happened in Italy?

00:09:02.000 Look at Italy.

00:09:02.000 They just went out.

00:09:03.000 They all lived together.

00:09:04.000 Yep.

00:09:05.000 Yep.

00:09:06.000 Yep.

00:09:06.000 They all lived together.

00:09:07.000 And they hang together.

00:09:08.000 Nothing wrong with that.

00:09:09.000 That's how people are where I came from.

00:09:10.000 They're supposed to be like that.

00:09:11.000 There's a basement.

00:09:12.000 Your grandmother and grandfather live in a basement.

00:09:14.000 Your parents live on the second floor.

00:09:15.000 And you live on the third floor.

00:09:17.000 Boom.

00:09:17.000 We hang out together.

00:09:18.000 The Futsco family.

00:09:19.000 God bless them.

00:09:20.000 From Freehold, New Jersey.

00:09:22.000 They lost four people.

00:09:24.000 From a family reunion, they went to like a...

00:09:26.000 Oh yeah, I saw that.

00:09:27.000 And I saw that one.

00:09:28.000 I saw the one that the guy had the 40th birthday party and they all got on planes afterward and went off to different parts of the country.

00:09:36.000 Family from New Jersey was not very old either.

00:09:38.000 No!

00:09:39.000 The youngest one that died I think was 55. I think it's somewhere in that range.

00:09:44.000 Do I have the mask on?

00:09:46.000 Am I jumping up and down at Ralph's buying groceries?

00:09:49.000 No.

00:09:51.000 I went to one boxing class after that thing was announced.

00:09:55.000 And I was like, you know what?

00:09:56.000 This is too personal.

00:09:58.000 We gotta give it a chance.

00:09:59.000 I got a bag at the house.

00:10:01.000 I got kettle bags at the house.

00:10:03.000 Everything could be done out of my house.

00:10:05.000 Yeah, if you're a person and you want to work out, There's so many YouTube videos of just bodyweight workouts.

00:10:10.000 You can get a fucking amazing workout with nothing.

00:10:12.000 You don't need any equipment.

00:10:13.000 You just do burpees and push-ups and bodyweight squats and lunges.

00:10:17.000 There's plenty of working out to do, folks, and it's free.

00:10:20.000 It's a beautiful thing about YouTube.

00:10:22.000 There's so many really good fitness instructors that just put their stuff out there for free because they want people to follow them.

00:10:28.000 And, you know, you can get a ton of great body weight workouts.

00:10:31.000 You don't need nothing.

00:10:32.000 And if you need weights, folks, you can pick shit up around your house and you can do a great workout with.

00:10:37.000 I'm sure you got a can of paint somewhere that probably weighs 15 pounds.

00:10:40.000 You know, people have things laying around.

00:10:42.000 You know what I started doing?

00:10:44.000 What?

00:10:45.000 Because it was fucking with me.

00:10:46.000 Meditate.

00:10:48.000 I had to go back to meditating.

00:10:50.000 What do you do?

00:10:51.000 What kind of meditating are you doing?

00:10:52.000 So what I do is I hit the bag.

00:10:54.000 I broke my workout.

00:10:56.000 Because now you can't do that long workout now.

00:10:58.000 Because what are you going to do for the other day, for the restoration day, the recovery day?

00:11:02.000 Right.

00:11:02.000 So there's no recovery in my world.

00:11:04.000 Just easy workouts every day.

00:11:06.000 15 minutes.

00:11:06.000 Yeah, nice.

00:11:07.000 Hitting the bag.

00:11:08.000 Hitting the bag is very essential during this time.

00:11:11.000 Hitting the bag is very essential.

00:11:12.000 Get the ya-ya's out.

00:11:13.000 Get the ya-ya's out.

00:11:15.000 You're punching.

00:11:16.000 You look at anything.

00:11:17.000 Benefits over 40 for boxing.

00:11:19.000 Benefits over 50. The number one benefit is stress.

00:11:22.000 You know, for a couple days there, dog, I was getting scared.

00:11:26.000 I wasn't, I'm not scared of it, but I respect it.

00:11:30.000 There's a big difference.

00:11:31.000 I respect what's going on.

00:11:33.000 Something's going on.

00:11:34.000 I'm not a fucking scientist.

00:11:35.000 Have you ever been hearing an earthquake?

00:11:37.000 Yes.

00:11:37.000 For me, it's the same feeling, but more magnified.

00:11:41.000 It's like, okay, this is alright, but what is it like if it gets worse?

00:11:46.000 Right.

00:11:46.000 Are you scared of earthquakes?

00:11:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:11:48.000 Where were you in July?

00:11:49.000 I was on fucking stage!

00:11:51.000 We were home.

00:11:52.000 I didn't even feel it.

00:11:53.000 I didn't even feel it.

00:11:54.000 I was on a stage in Huntington Beach, and the room shook, and I just kept going.

00:12:00.000 I just kept going.

00:12:01.000 Fuck it, if a beam falls and hits me, this is it.

00:12:04.000 But you felt it while you were on stage?

00:12:05.000 Did you talk about it?

00:12:06.000 Yes, I couldn't let them get scared.

00:12:07.000 Oh.

00:12:08.000 I could not let them get scared, because now you lose the audience.

00:12:10.000 I had 250 people in there.

00:12:12.000 I know.

00:12:12.000 So I could not let them get scared.

00:12:14.000 How far into your act were you?

00:12:15.000 22 minutes.

00:12:16.000 It was brilliant.

00:12:17.000 It was perfect.

00:12:18.000 I was just thinking about the other day.

00:12:20.000 That was one of my best times I had the last year doing stand-up.

00:12:24.000 Right in the middle.

00:12:24.000 I'm on stage and I had to calm them down, so I just went into a rant so they didn't get scared.

00:12:33.000 Yeah, my last show I did was like a Tuesday or a Wednesday at the Improv.

00:12:37.000 I forget.

00:12:38.000 Maybe a Wednesday.

00:12:39.000 Did one show, 8 p.m.

00:12:41.000 show.

00:12:41.000 Great.

00:12:42.000 Fun time.

00:12:43.000 But I was like, I think this is it.

00:12:44.000 This is the last show for a long time.

00:12:46.000 I didn't want somebody to say they went to the Improv.

00:12:49.000 Right.

00:12:50.000 I didn't want somebody to say that they got sick.

00:12:54.000 You'll never shake that.

00:12:56.000 The thing is you'll never know.

00:12:57.000 There's no way anybody could dial it into one person where you got it from.

00:13:01.000 That's the weird thing is we're constantly interacting with people and touching surfaces.

00:13:05.000 And according to these cruise liners that they're testing where these people were sick, even people that are asymptomatic, it shows the virus stays on surfaces for as much as 17 days.

00:13:17.000 That's a new discovery.

00:13:18.000 They thought it was three days before that.

00:13:20.000 Now they're realizing, even in asymptomatic people, people that don't...

00:13:28.000 It's weird.

00:13:29.000 It's a fucking weird virus, man.

00:13:31.000 It's real weird.

00:13:32.000 Real weird.

00:13:35.000 My friend Dr. Peter Atiyah was saying that most people, 55 and under, they seem to just get a cold.

00:13:42.000 I mean, they're fine.

00:13:43.000 They feel like shit for a while, but they get over it.

00:13:46.000 He said, but then there's this 28-year-old fitness instructor that one of his friends is treating.

00:13:51.000 Who's a doctor, and this guy's on a ventilator.

00:13:53.000 He's a fitness instructor.

00:13:55.000 And they're like, there could be genetic conditions, predispositions, and then also it might be vaping.

00:14:02.000 They're thinking that vaping might have something to do with damaging some people's lungs, or cigarette smoking.

00:14:08.000 Cigarette smoking's a bad one.

00:14:10.000 And they think that that might have contributed to a lot of deaths in Italy and in China.

00:14:14.000 They smoke over there, Jack.

00:14:15.000 Yep, in China and in Italy, they smoke.

00:14:17.000 They outsmoke us, and they have less cancer in China.

00:14:22.000 See, the thing is, are we sure they have less cancer?

00:14:25.000 When they say they have deaths, like how many deaths they have out of China, do you believe those numbers?

00:14:30.000 I don't trust a fucking word of it.

00:14:31.000 They're trying to say that this is an American disease.

00:14:36.000 There's some propaganda network from China that's, I don't know what's connected to the government or what, or maybe it's people just fucking around.

00:14:42.000 Maybe it's people trying to be funny.

00:14:44.000 But they're putting out that this is a man-made disease that was spread in China by the United States government.

00:14:53.000 So who the fuck are you trusting?

00:14:55.000 I'm not trusting.

00:14:56.000 I trust Italy when it comes to the numbers because I think they're being pretty honest about what a disaster it is.

00:15:01.000 But China's trying to make it seem like everything's bouncing back now.

00:15:04.000 I don't buy it.

00:15:06.000 They opened up the movie theaters.

00:15:07.000 In China?

00:15:08.000 Yeah.

00:15:10.000 You might just go to the fucking movies, watch a nightmare movie, watch a horror movie while you're in this fucking theater just wondering if everything you touch is eventually gonna kill you?

00:15:21.000 Fuck.

00:15:24.000 Apparently, they were saying also that it has something to do with blood type, and they don't know why, but a lot of the fatalities were blood type A. They seem to be vulnerable, or maybe it's just a coincidence.

00:15:34.000 They don't have enough data yet, especially here, like reliable data that we can trust here in America.

00:15:40.000 They don't have enough yet.

00:15:44.000 So when I think about it, what gets me is that same feeling like an earthquake.

00:15:48.000 Once an earthquake hits, you're like, oh, all right.

00:15:52.000 Well, we're okay right now, but now we know that this can happen.

00:15:56.000 The first one I ever experienced, it was the first year here.

00:15:59.000 I had an apartment in North Hollywood.

00:16:02.000 It was a thin place.

00:16:03.000 You could hear the next door neighbor.

00:16:05.000 She would get phone calls.

00:16:06.000 I would hear her answering machine go off, because this is the 90s.

00:16:10.000 And I would hear the person talking on her answering machine.

00:16:12.000 I could hear every conversation she had, like it was through a towel.

00:16:17.000 That's how thin it was.

00:16:18.000 It was a shitty apartment.

00:16:19.000 But when the earthquake hit, the apartment just went like this.

00:16:22.000 And I remember thinking, this is like when you're a kid and you're playing in a refrigerator box.

00:16:28.000 Remember those refrigerator boxes?

00:16:29.000 We would get them on the street, and we would all climb in them and fuck around, but they were flimsy.

00:16:33.000 I'm like, this house felt like a refrigerator box.

00:16:36.000 It just started moving like this.

00:16:37.000 And it wasn't even a big earthquake.

00:16:39.000 It was like a 5-something, like a 5-5 or something like that.

00:16:42.000 It wasn't a huge one.

00:16:43.000 They say it was an aftershock from Northridge.

00:16:46.000 I just started doing this.

00:16:48.000 It's moving back and forth and I was like, whoa!

00:16:51.000 I didn't think it was gonna be like that.

00:16:53.000 I thought the ground would shake.

00:16:54.000 I thought it'd be like you feel your feet moving.

00:16:57.000 It's not.

00:16:58.000 Everything just goes left and right.

00:17:00.000 Everything just shifts.

00:17:01.000 Like the ground is made out of like it's sand or something.

00:17:05.000 Like instantly it just becomes pliable.

00:17:07.000 It's weird.

00:17:08.000 I saw the cat drinking water.

00:17:11.000 And all of a sudden, I saw the cat in the air and the bowl in the air.

00:17:15.000 That's how much of a dip it made.

00:17:18.000 Jesus.

00:17:18.000 I heard it, looked.

00:17:20.000 Like, you know, you're on the computer and something, and I looked, and I saw the cat drinking water.

00:17:26.000 And all of a sudden, I saw the cat in the air, and when he landed, he took off.

00:17:30.000 And they're supposed to feel something before the earthquake.

00:17:32.000 I think dogs do better than cats.

00:17:34.000 I think those indoor cats are done.

00:17:38.000 They're done.

00:17:38.000 Once you bring them indoors, a mouse runs by them, they're like, I'm done.

00:17:43.000 But I don't think so, because my cats are alive and kicking at midnight.

00:17:46.000 No, they still have fun.

00:17:48.000 They're like Judas Priest.

00:17:49.000 How many do you have now?

00:17:50.000 Three.

00:17:50.000 You only have three?

00:17:51.000 That's crazy.

00:17:53.000 You were up to 11 at one point.

00:17:54.000 Nine, 10. You had nine?

00:17:56.000 I think you had 11. You probably forgot.

00:17:59.000 I had so many of them outside.

00:18:00.000 I was feeding.

00:18:01.000 I had so many of them.

00:18:02.000 Oh, that's right.

00:18:03.000 You had a bunch of feral ones that lived in the yard, too.

00:18:05.000 Marc Maron has that kind of setup, too.

00:18:07.000 Yeah.

00:18:07.000 Or at least he used to at his old place.

00:18:09.000 It is fucking crazy.

00:18:10.000 I'm down to three.

00:18:12.000 I'm down to three girls.

00:18:14.000 All the boys punched a ticket.

00:18:17.000 My favorite one died three months ago.

00:18:19.000 A little boy now.

00:18:22.000 I'm down to girls.

00:18:23.000 I don't know what I'm gonna do with my next move is.

00:18:25.000 I'm waiting to see what the smoke clears.

00:18:27.000 Maybe get a German Shepherd.

00:18:28.000 I don't know.

00:18:29.000 We should all get out of here.

00:18:32.000 No shit.

00:18:33.000 Legitimately.

00:18:33.000 No shit.

00:18:34.000 We should get out of here.

00:18:35.000 No shit.

00:18:35.000 This should be our wake-up call.

00:18:36.000 We should all just pack up and go to Denver.

00:18:39.000 This is a big wake-up call for a lot of people.

00:18:41.000 This is going to be a big wake-up call for a lot of people.

00:18:42.000 You know, there's a lot of places like Loveland, hour outside of Denver, you know what I mean?

00:18:48.000 Evergreen, 30 minutes outside of Denver.

00:18:49.000 You know what?

00:18:50.000 What happened to Montana?

00:18:51.000 What happened to Montana?

00:18:52.000 You ever hear anything about Montana?

00:18:53.000 No, but here's the thing.

00:18:54.000 Denver's got comedy.

00:18:56.000 Utah's got comedy.

00:18:57.000 You know what?

00:18:57.000 Why don't we just open up a club in Montana and Billings...

00:19:01.000 We could do it.

00:19:02.000 That could be done.

00:19:03.000 Everybody's opening up a club in St. Louis.

00:19:04.000 Everybody's opening up a club here.

00:19:06.000 Imagine if we did if we opened up a club.

00:19:08.000 You go to war to war with everybody else.

00:19:10.000 Comedy, school, and fucking Billings, Montana.

00:19:13.000 If we just decided to do that...

00:19:14.000 When was the last time you were in Montana?

00:19:16.000 Oh, six months ago or so?

00:19:18.000 What did you think?

00:19:19.000 I love it there.

00:19:20.000 I love Bozeman.

00:19:21.000 What are we waiting for?

00:19:23.000 The winter's a motherfucker, though, son.

00:19:25.000 That winter's real, and there's grizzly bears in the woods.

00:19:27.000 Look who we're living through now.

00:19:28.000 What does it make you realize that we can do anything?

00:19:30.000 It's better.

00:19:30.000 See, this makes you realize, look, after every earthquake...

00:19:34.000 A certain amount of, there's a certain percentage of Californians that wake up and say, I'm not going through that again.

00:19:39.000 Right.

00:19:39.000 They get up and leave.

00:19:40.000 There's certain Californians that go like me, that go, oh shit, you gotta get a generator for my fat sleep apnea machine.

00:19:48.000 And every time you go to the supermarket, buy two of something.

00:19:52.000 Buy two cans of cream corn.

00:19:53.000 Buy two cans of this.

00:19:54.000 You go in my fucking garage, I'm good.

00:19:57.000 Yeah, you gotta have dried stuff.

00:19:58.000 I'm good.

00:19:59.000 I'm good.

00:20:00.000 You know why?

00:20:00.000 Because I'm a child of the 60s.

00:20:03.000 When I was growing up, every building you moved into had a fallout shelter, you dumb fucks.

00:20:07.000 Oh, yeah, we forgot about those.

00:20:08.000 Nobody remembers the fucking fallout shelter.

00:20:10.000 And they had Tang and fucking TV dinners down there.

00:20:13.000 And every once in a while, your building would run a fucking thing.

00:20:16.000 The Russians are coming.

00:20:17.000 The Russians are coming.

00:20:18.000 And you'd have to run to the basement and close the door, and they had like a vent.

00:20:22.000 And in grammar schools, you had to go down to the basement, and they'd give you like the fucking tang juice and all that shit.

00:20:28.000 I forgot about fallout shelters were an East Coast thing, right?

00:20:31.000 Fuck yeah!

00:20:31.000 Nobody remembers the fallout shelter.

00:20:33.000 So I've always lived like it's the fallout shelter.

00:20:36.000 I always had a back situation.

00:20:38.000 I got weed till fucking Tundu's there.

00:20:41.000 Your family came over here when?

00:20:43.000 66. But they had been over here already dabbling.

00:20:46.000 They had been over here since the 50s, fucking around numbers, whatever the fuck my mom was doing, whatever the fuck my dad was doing.

00:20:55.000 So they were already hip.

00:20:57.000 They made it official in 66. So when I was being raised here, my first couple of years in this country, we were living under fear.

00:21:07.000 Vietnam was going on.

00:21:09.000 They had just killed Kennedy, and now they just killed—because I was alive and kicking when Sihon Sihon killed Robert Kennedy.

00:21:17.000 So it was a different time then.

00:21:18.000 We were living in a little fear.

00:21:21.000 Cubans had pointed missiles at us.

00:21:23.000 Us and the Russians weren't that fucking cool.

00:21:26.000 So that's why the fallout shelter was big.

00:21:28.000 Just in case they threw a bomb at us, we'd go downstairs to a basement and live and stuff like that.

00:21:33.000 So I think...

00:21:34.000 What fucked with me was the Yoel Romero fight.

00:21:38.000 The night of the Yoel Romero fight, I was invited to a friend's house to watch the fight.

00:21:43.000 And I pretty much had a nervous breakdown from the fear of leaving the house.

00:21:48.000 Really?

00:21:48.000 Because of the...

00:21:50.000 Because of the virus?

00:21:51.000 Yeah.

00:21:52.000 Really?

00:21:52.000 Nervous breakdowns.

00:21:54.000 You didn't want to go to your friend's house?

00:21:55.000 Best guy in the world.

00:21:56.000 But you were like, I gotta stay home.

00:21:58.000 Four people.

00:21:59.000 You never know.

00:22:00.000 I asked him if they were cool.

00:22:01.000 He goes, yeah.

00:22:03.000 I go, nobody's been to China.

00:22:06.000 Nobody's been...

00:22:06.000 No, because that's the problem.

00:22:08.000 See, I knew it was going to affect...

00:22:09.000 Look, the skier that went skiing in New Rochelle, the Jewish guy that went to the synagogue, well, the two dudes he went skiing with, I mean, Encino, in critical condition, well, they were.

00:22:20.000 He went in a group.

00:22:22.000 Then he went to the synagogue in New Rochelle and spread it all around.

00:22:26.000 He should be the most popular guy in the neighborhood today.

00:22:29.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:22:29.000 That guy, like, nobody wants to talk to him tonight.

00:22:31.000 So he brought it there from Italy.

00:22:33.000 He went skiing in Italy.

00:22:34.000 He couldn't go to fucking Riverton, Wyoming, or fucking Utah, or fucking Aspen.

00:22:39.000 He had to go to Italy, like a big shot.

00:22:41.000 Well, he probably planned a trip to Italy long beforehand.

00:22:43.000 I don't give a fuck!

00:22:44.000 Go to Aspen, you fuck!

00:22:46.000 Go to Riverton, Wyoming.

00:22:47.000 That's the best.

00:22:48.000 Right, but he wanted to eat pasta in Italy and go skiing.

00:22:50.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:22:50.000 They got pasta in fucking Utah.

00:22:52.000 But before this...

00:22:53.000 That shit drives me fucking crazy.

00:22:55.000 What drives you crazy?

00:22:56.000 That shit.

00:22:57.000 Well, you can't go to Ajax.

00:23:00.000 You can't go to Ajax?

00:23:01.000 Nobody wants to ski Ajax.

00:23:02.000 You can't go to Ajax.

00:23:03.000 You gotta go all the way to fucking Italy to go skiing, cocksucker.

00:23:07.000 Well, maybe he wanted to go skiing as well as go to Italy.

00:23:11.000 Leave me alone.

00:23:12.000 You know that shit bothers me as it is.

00:23:14.000 He took people down.

00:23:16.000 Joe, you don't have a passport.

00:23:18.000 You can't leave.

00:23:19.000 Let me tell you something.

00:23:19.000 Going to Italy is awesome.

00:23:20.000 I know it is.

00:23:21.000 I didn't say that, but he had to go ski.

00:23:23.000 He went to a ski trip in Italy.

00:23:24.000 Right, but also in Italy.

00:23:27.000 So you could eat pasta and see the sights.

00:23:30.000 You could eat pasta in Aspen.

00:23:32.000 And you could see the sights in Aspen.

00:23:34.000 Okay.

00:23:35.000 Do you see what I'm saying?

00:23:36.000 If everybody goes to Aspen, we're fucked.

00:23:37.000 No, Aspen, you break it up.

00:23:39.000 There was apparently a guy from Aspen that had it too.

00:23:41.000 You like it in Utah.

00:23:42.000 You like skiing in Utah.

00:23:44.000 I don't like skiing.

00:23:45.000 Oh no, you don't like skiing.

00:23:46.000 No, I only ski because my family likes it.

00:23:48.000 But they enjoy Utah, Aspen.

00:23:50.000 They like all those places.

00:23:52.000 We've been to Aspen.

00:23:53.000 Aspen's beautiful.

00:23:54.000 I love it.

00:23:54.000 Did you come back with the fucking, did you come back with the hiv?

00:23:57.000 No, but there was a guy that went there from Australia who had it, who apparently knew he had it, and he refused to self-quarantine.

00:24:04.000 He went to restaurants, he rode the bus, he went skiing.

00:24:07.000 Throw him under the fucking jail.

00:24:09.000 Yeah.

00:24:10.000 Throw him on...

00:24:11.000 See, that's the other thing about the store that shocked me that night.

00:24:15.000 Tuesdays to Thursdays...

00:24:16.000 Packed.

00:24:17.000 Packed with people visiting.

00:24:19.000 Yep, from overseas.

00:24:20.000 From other countries.

00:24:21.000 Yeah.

00:24:21.000 So that started giving me the willies that night.

00:24:24.000 When they canceled the store, I was happy.

00:24:27.000 I'm just worried about the wait staff.

00:24:29.000 You know what?

00:24:30.000 Like, we've been rock and rolling the last ten.

00:24:31.000 They've been rock and rolling the last ten.

00:24:34.000 Well, they're putting together some sort of fund.

00:24:36.000 I hope they do it quickly.

00:24:37.000 And we're all going to be able to donate.

00:24:39.000 And I think they want to have some stream shows, too.

00:24:41.000 But...

00:24:43.000 I don't think that's the way to do it.

00:24:44.000 I mean, if they do do it and they have a bunch of people almost like podcast style, maybe that would work and have like a telethon, raise money for the staff.

00:24:52.000 Well, I'll tell you what.

00:24:53.000 I thought about the stream thing.

00:24:55.000 I like doing the stream thing.

00:24:57.000 But a podcast, not stand-up.

00:24:58.000 I thought, but then I saw this week with John whatever on HBO. John Oliver?

00:25:05.000 John Oliver, and last week he didn't have an audience.

00:25:08.000 Not good?

00:25:09.000 No, why not?

00:25:10.000 Well, when no one's laughing at your monologue.

00:25:12.000 Yeah, you need that energy.

00:25:13.000 Yeah, they were doing live shows from the Laugh Factory yesterday.

00:25:15.000 Was it yesterday?

00:25:16.000 And it was no audience.

00:25:19.000 And I was watching Jay Moore on stage for a couple minutes before I had a panic attack and I had to shut it off.

00:25:23.000 No, it's just no good.

00:25:24.000 It's just no good.

00:25:25.000 It's drained.

00:25:26.000 It really doesn't work.

00:25:27.000 It doesn't work.

00:25:28.000 I wanted it to work.

00:25:29.000 It's weird.

00:25:29.000 And I thought that I could do it for people just to break the monotony.

00:25:33.000 You know?

00:25:34.000 It's like watching someone with no voice sing in the shower.

00:25:37.000 Yeah.

00:25:37.000 No, no, no.

00:25:38.000 Leave me the fuck alone.

00:25:39.000 It's just too strange.

00:25:41.000 How bored are we?

00:25:42.000 How bored do you want to go?

00:25:43.000 Like at 10 o'clock are you like, I'm fucking done.

00:25:46.000 At night?

00:25:46.000 Yeah.

00:25:47.000 No.

00:25:47.000 I'm not bored.

00:25:48.000 My wife goes to bed.

00:25:50.000 The baby goes to bed.

00:25:51.000 We have her on a home school schedule.

00:25:53.000 They have an 11 o'clock, 10 o'clock video conference and an 11 o'clock Then we do math, we take a breather, and she hits the mitts too.

00:26:03.000 Everybody gotta hit the mitts at the house.

00:26:04.000 We gotta get that stress out, you know what I'm saying?

00:26:06.000 Good move, good move.

00:26:07.000 And everybody's on a schedule.

00:26:09.000 But at night, like, this is the first...

00:26:11.000 I have not been out of the house in 21 nights.

00:26:16.000 What, what, the 25th?

00:26:18.000 Today's the 25th, right?

00:26:19.000 Yeah, 23 nights.

00:26:20.000 So, at 11 o'clock, I got a little bored.

00:26:22.000 Thank God, I'm...

00:26:23.000 The edibles started not working.

00:26:26.000 Because you've been too exposed to them?

00:26:29.000 Yeah, I've just been popping...

00:26:30.000 Built up a tolerance?

00:26:31.000 I've been popping two, threes, you know.

00:26:33.000 Yeah.

00:26:34.000 I've been eating them so much.

00:26:36.000 Like, the first week of the week before St. Patty's, I was under so much personal stress.

00:26:43.000 Like, I was so fearful of that plane ride to New York that I was getting fucking gazilled.

00:26:50.000 I wasn't even getting stoned.

00:26:51.000 Imagine if you took that flight.

00:26:52.000 You would have probably caught it.

00:26:54.000 I mean, that whole New York area, there's a real good chance you would catch it there.

00:26:59.000 I had a JetBlue by myself cabin.

00:27:01.000 I had it all planned out, but the more I thought about it, I'm like, I don't know, guys.

00:27:06.000 I don't want to be in a hotel.

00:27:07.000 I know how the food service industry works.

00:27:11.000 But it was that very weekend that Yo got it?

00:27:14.000 That very weekend that you went?

00:27:16.000 Yeah, that was the heat of it.

00:27:17.000 That was the fucking heat of it.

00:27:19.000 And it's still just climbing.

00:27:22.000 Well, they said it's two weeks it's going to reach its apex, but they have an astounding number of cases.

00:27:30.000 They do, however, test more than California, so they're more accurate in terms of their numbers.

00:27:35.000 There's more testing being done in New York City, I think by threefold, than California.

00:27:40.000 It's crazy, man.

00:27:41.000 This is a whole new time, and I really hope it's a wake-up call for us.

00:27:46.000 It is a wake-up call.

00:27:47.000 Doug, listen.

00:27:49.000 As jokey as this may sound or whatever, I've always had a faith.

00:27:55.000 My faith got me to where I am today.

00:27:57.000 A faith in what?

00:27:58.000 On a higher power.

00:27:59.000 Let's call it a higher power.

00:28:01.000 I always had a faith in a higher power.

00:28:04.000 And if anybody knows about karma, it's me.

00:28:07.000 I'm the fucking poster boy for karma.

00:28:09.000 I know all about it.

00:28:11.000 For me, this is like...

00:28:14.000 Higher power letting us know, like, it's a reset button.

00:28:19.000 Take a look around.

00:28:20.000 You guys have gotten caught up in selfies.

00:28:23.000 Yeah.

00:28:25.000 Like, you've gotten caught up in selfies.

00:28:26.000 You know, you go see a fucking concert, it's $250 and $60 to park.

00:28:34.000 You know, you go to a movie theater, you walk out, an American family can't go to a sporting event no more.

00:28:40.000 The normal American family cannot go to a sporting event no more.

00:28:44.000 We got a little out of control, Joe.

00:28:46.000 We can't move in apartments no more.

00:28:49.000 $1,500 for a studio.

00:28:51.000 We just got greedy, man.

00:28:53.000 The greed's been too much.

00:28:55.000 You know, I gotta feel bad for Disney losing $6 million.

00:28:58.000 Suck my dick.

00:28:59.000 You were charging $140 a day, cocksucker.

00:29:03.000 140 a day.

00:29:04.000 I think that's the least of our problem.

00:29:06.000 No.

00:29:06.000 I think the big problem is people think this is all, this life, the way we're living is going to be permanent.

00:29:11.000 No, no, no.

00:29:11.000 It's changing for a reason.

00:29:13.000 Yeah.

00:29:13.000 It's changing for a reason.

00:29:14.000 We were getting fucking greedy.

00:29:15.000 But there's definitely that.

00:29:16.000 And we were getting a little overzealous.

00:29:18.000 But we're soft.

00:29:19.000 We're soft.

00:29:20.000 That's the big one.

00:29:21.000 And especially we're soft right here because we don't have to deal with weather.

00:29:24.000 Right here, we don't have to deal with nothing.

00:29:26.000 You go outside every day.

00:29:27.000 You can sleep outside.

00:29:28.000 It's a great place to be homeless.

00:29:30.000 All you need is a sleeping bag.

00:29:31.000 Get under an overpass.

00:29:32.000 If it does rain, it only rains 10 days a year, you'll be fine.

00:29:35.000 You know, this is a great place because of that.

00:29:38.000 But because of that also, we're not humbled enough.

00:29:42.000 You know?

00:29:42.000 The places where people get humbled are the places where people have to deal with direct nature.

00:29:46.000 Snowy places.

00:29:47.000 Real cold places.

00:29:49.000 Like, if you go to any place that's near an ocean, that's a little slap in the face.

00:29:53.000 Like, wake up, bitch.

00:29:54.000 Take a look at that.

00:29:55.000 You ain't shit.

00:29:56.000 Mountains are another one.

00:29:57.000 Same thing.

00:29:58.000 Like, you could die up there, stupid.

00:29:59.000 There's bears up there.

00:30:00.000 There's mountain lions up there.

00:30:01.000 They're fucking killing deer with their face.

00:30:03.000 You don't think they'll fuck you up, too?

00:30:05.000 Go hike.

00:30:06.000 Go hike and get lost, hippie.

00:30:08.000 You know, like, it's a wake-up call, those places.

00:30:11.000 And I think this is a wake-up call for the whole country, the whole world.

00:30:14.000 It's a wake-up call.

00:30:15.000 We're vulnerable.

00:30:16.000 And it's also a wake-up call.

00:30:17.000 I mean, I can't say this to enough people.

00:30:19.000 Take care of your health.

00:30:21.000 Please.

00:30:22.000 It is the one defense for this that seems to be agreed upon by almost everyone, is that if you have a strong immune system, you have a better chance to get through any sickness.

00:30:33.000 And you can do something to strengthen your immune system.

00:30:36.000 Your immune system is something you can work on.

00:30:38.000 You can work on it by cleaning up your diet.

00:30:40.000 You can work on it with regular exercise.

00:30:42.000 You can work on it with regular sleep.

00:30:43.000 All those things have a real big impact on your immune system.

00:30:47.000 Also, vitamins.

00:30:49.000 Supplement with vitamins.

00:30:50.000 Eat a healthy diet.

00:30:52.000 Get some exercise.

00:30:53.000 And if you can, get in a fucking sauna every day.

00:30:56.000 Tremendous for your body producing heat shock proteins or your body reducing inflammation, alleviating stress.

00:31:02.000 It's great for your cardiovascular system.

00:31:05.000 It's just great for you.

00:31:06.000 There's a bunch of different things you can do.

00:31:08.000 You can use this as like, okay, I'm alive.

00:31:11.000 Now this is a wake-up call.

00:31:12.000 I'm so glad this didn't happen to me.

00:31:14.000 I didn't get wrecked by this.

00:31:16.000 I'm gonna get my life in order, and it can be done.

00:31:18.000 It's something that everyone can do, and this is the time to do it.

00:31:21.000 This is a good time to do it.

00:31:23.000 If you're surviving and you're getting through this, this is a good time to get your health in line.

00:31:27.000 What you don't know, a lot of people don't know about me, is I was a sickly kid.

00:31:31.000 Really?

00:31:32.000 Really bad.

00:31:33.000 I never believed that.

00:31:34.000 From the age of four to six, because of my dad dying and my mind going somewhere, my immune system fell apart.

00:31:43.000 It was respiratory.

00:31:45.000 I always got colds, always shots, you know, vaccines.

00:31:51.000 I knew the people by first name at the hospital, at Roosevelt Hospital in New York.

00:31:55.000 I mean, it was real with me.

00:31:57.000 When I was sick something, and I also have asthma.

00:32:00.000 Do you really?

00:32:01.000 Which went untreated.

00:32:02.000 Like I just said...

00:32:03.000 You have asthma still?

00:32:04.000 Like my mother said, it's for faggots.

00:32:07.000 Don't worry about it.

00:32:08.000 You don't need it.

00:32:08.000 You have asthma right now?

00:32:10.000 I outgrew it.

00:32:11.000 My daughter has it though.

00:32:12.000 Really?

00:32:13.000 She has it.

00:32:13.000 And now I see it in her and I go...

00:32:15.000 Does she have an inhaler?

00:32:16.000 Yeah, she has a little inhaler.

00:32:17.000 And you don't use an inhaler at all anymore?

00:32:19.000 No.

00:32:20.000 Did you ever?

00:32:21.000 For like a week.

00:32:22.000 Then my mother goes, get rid of that.

00:32:24.000 You live in New York City.

00:32:26.000 You don't want to get smacked, do you?

00:32:27.000 Wow, your mother's hard.

00:32:28.000 So I grew up with this fucking thing.

00:32:32.000 And then when I was 16, I got put in the hospital for 13 days for a lung infection from Paraquat.

00:32:39.000 So ever since then, I'm not supposed to smoke.

00:32:42.000 I'm never supposed to smoke.

00:32:44.000 When I started smoking, I would get sick for days afterwards.

00:32:49.000 I had to jump a hurdle to smoke pot.

00:32:51.000 But when you were smoking cigarettes, what about that?

00:32:54.000 Let's not even talk about that.

00:32:56.000 Let's talk about the hurdles I had smoking reefer early on.

00:32:59.000 I would smoke reefer and it would be an event.

00:33:02.000 I would have to take three or four days off.

00:33:04.000 It would crush me for that long.

00:33:06.000 Really?

00:33:07.000 Then once I built the tolerance to that, then I started having to build the tolerance of who I smoke dope with.

00:33:15.000 Like, if I smoked dope with me, you, and Jamie, and somebody else the next day, I'd have a temperature.

00:33:20.000 You'd get sick from someone.

00:33:22.000 Yeah, 13, 14. So by the age of 15, I already knew how to keep my shit.

00:33:27.000 Like, if I smoked with you and Jamie every day, that's who I smoked with.

00:33:31.000 Once somebody else comes into that circle, I would get sick.

00:33:34.000 So I had to knock that out.

00:33:36.000 So I had to be very aware at a young age of who I smoked with.

00:33:40.000 I got sick a lot when I was competing.

00:34:00.000 You know, and you wind up fighting sick.

00:34:01.000 I fought sick in Anaheim.

00:34:03.000 I flew out to California to fight in the Nationals.

00:34:05.000 I fought sick.

00:34:06.000 I had three fights sick.

00:34:07.000 Did we figure out what the percentage?

00:34:11.000 I found something that said that was an estimation that was close to 60%.

00:34:15.000 Of asymptomatic?

00:34:17.000 Well, I think as time goes on, they're getting a better picture of it.

00:34:22.000 Take care of your immune system, kids.

00:34:24.000 I've been drinking a shitload of water, too.

00:34:26.000 Oh, my God.

00:34:27.000 I'm peeing like crazy.

00:34:29.000 Kombucha.

00:34:30.000 CBD oil.

00:34:31.000 CBD oil, for sure.

00:34:33.000 I took some pet CBD oil accidentally.

00:34:37.000 I wasn't paying attention.

00:34:38.000 I went to the cabinet to get them some CBD oil.

00:34:41.000 I'm like, man, this is tasty.

00:34:42.000 What is this?

00:34:43.000 It's like peanut butter CBD oil.

00:34:45.000 And I have three droppers full.

00:34:47.000 And then I looked on it and said PET. And I'm like, damn.

00:34:50.000 I hope I'm going to be okay.

00:34:52.000 I don't know what the difference is between CBDMD's PET formula and their regular formula, but I had three full droppers of their peanut butter PET formula.

00:35:03.000 It was quite delicious.

00:35:05.000 It was pretty good.

00:35:06.000 You take a lot.

00:35:07.000 I take enough supplements.

00:35:09.000 Vitamins, KTPF. I take a lot of things.

00:35:12.000 You know, like I said, I've cut down the reefer a little bit throughout this.

00:35:17.000 I was going like through a half ounce maybe a week.

00:35:22.000 Joints and bong hits.

00:35:23.000 Now I'm down to like an eighth a week.

00:35:26.000 I've got fucking a couple ounces at the house.

00:35:29.000 Go off edibles.

00:35:32.000 I'm enjoying the time, just the relaxing time of no pressure of things to do, you know, no shows to go to, stay home every night, hang out with the girls.

00:35:43.000 I'm enjoying it.

00:35:44.000 I don't watch the news.

00:35:45.000 Yeah.

00:35:45.000 That's what was fucking with me the first week until I had that little nervous breakdown on the 7th.

00:35:51.000 That was really fucking with me.

00:35:53.000 And then I said, that's it.

00:35:54.000 I went back to my roots.

00:35:56.000 I went back to Boulder.

00:35:58.000 I took it back to the Roper Institute, bitch.

00:36:01.000 And I took it back to the meditation.

00:36:03.000 So what I would do is I'd hit the bag, 15, and then to come down, I'd stretch and just do yoga poses and breathe.

00:36:11.000 And then end with like a long fucking meditation.

00:36:15.000 Get some vitamin D. I do everything outside in the back of the house.

00:36:20.000 I got a little backyard hidden.

00:36:22.000 I think that hitting the bag is a kind of meditation.

00:36:25.000 Yes.

00:36:26.000 I really do.

00:36:26.000 Yes.

00:36:27.000 I think if you really can just concentrate on your breath.

00:36:30.000 I just focus on my breathing.

00:36:31.000 That's what I do.

00:36:31.000 I focus on my breathing.

00:36:33.000 And I do three minutes, 30 seconds off.

00:36:35.000 I do try to do five sets of that.

00:36:38.000 But then after that the stretch has really helped me.

00:36:41.000 Oh yeah.

00:36:42.000 Now I have no cryotherapy, I got no acupuncture, none of those things.

00:36:46.000 Is cryo closed?

00:36:47.000 Cryo's closed.

00:36:49.000 Yeah.

00:36:50.000 I stayed away for the last two weeks.

00:36:52.000 I did a little Novathor, which is the red lights, until about 10 days ago.

00:36:58.000 Yeah.

00:36:59.000 And then this started getting a little serious, and I go, you know what?

00:37:03.000 Let's start just cutting down on this whole thing.

00:37:06.000 And then last weekend, I see what was going on at the parks and shit.

00:37:10.000 There's a park close to my house.

00:37:11.000 I said, let me go over there and make a few calls.

00:37:14.000 I'm like, this is crazy down here.

00:37:15.000 Look at these people.

00:37:17.000 They're on top of each other.

00:37:19.000 And if I'm running behind you, that makes no sense.

00:37:22.000 They're all running the same way.

00:37:25.000 Are you running right into it?

00:37:26.000 You're running right into it.

00:37:28.000 And I got a GED. Joe, this is what kills me.

00:37:31.000 I got a GED and I'm sitting there watching these fucking morons run behind each other.

00:37:36.000 You know, like, yeah, all of a sudden you're fucking Rocky.

00:37:40.000 But you're sucking that guy's breath in.

00:37:42.000 And the chick behind you is sucking her breath in.

00:37:45.000 Oh my god.

00:37:45.000 And the chick behind you.

00:37:47.000 And they all run in the same direction 10 feet away from each other.

00:37:51.000 Like a race.

00:37:52.000 A race would be a great way to get sick.

00:37:54.000 Oh, the cops tell them to get out of the park?

00:37:56.000 The cops are pulling in the park going, listen, what are we doing here?

00:38:00.000 But you can be by yourself, right?

00:38:02.000 I saw some people hitting the pads at the park where someone was holding pads for somebody.

00:38:08.000 You can do that.

00:38:09.000 You got some space away from each other.

00:38:11.000 You can get a little workout in.

00:38:12.000 But there's always going to be that dude that's going to come up to you.

00:38:14.000 Yeah.

00:38:15.000 There's always that dude.

00:38:16.000 Hey, man, aren't you worried about the coronavirus?

00:38:18.000 I have to take the racehorse out early.

00:38:21.000 My daughter's a racehorse.

00:38:23.000 So at 845, I give my wife a break, and I just take her for a little stroll.

00:38:28.000 Just to wear out a little bit?

00:38:29.000 Just to wear out a little bit.

00:38:30.000 We play badminton, whatever the fuck that is.

00:38:33.000 The tennis with the fly.

00:38:35.000 I throw wiffle balls at her.

00:38:37.000 I was telling the lead the other day, in the heat of all this, I'm there at 9.15 for a reason.

00:38:43.000 They got the playground sealed off, and then they got a huge fucking park.

00:38:49.000 And for some reason, everybody who had a walk had a walk in between me and my daughter.

00:38:54.000 Talking about a second person, I had to say something.

00:38:56.000 Really?

00:38:58.000 Really?

00:38:59.000 You can't walk around.

00:39:00.000 You gotta walk in between.

00:39:02.000 People can't have enough.

00:39:04.000 They test your fucking wits.

00:39:06.000 Well, they don't change their behavior.

00:39:08.000 The best was the guy that watched me playing with my daughter.

00:39:12.000 And I could see him out of the corner of my eye, Joe Rogan.

00:39:16.000 I could see him whispering to the wife some stupid shit.

00:39:20.000 And what does he do?

00:39:22.000 He starts walking towards me.

00:39:24.000 And I'm not even paying attention to him, but I am.

00:39:27.000 I'm watching him through his fucking vision.

00:39:30.000 I'm watching him.

00:39:31.000 I'm playing with my daughter, throwing the woofer ball.

00:39:34.000 And he's walking towards me.

00:39:36.000 Finally had a stop.

00:39:37.000 And he goes, hi, I just wanted to shake.

00:39:40.000 I go, stop!

00:39:42.000 He just looked at me and I felt terrible for him.

00:39:45.000 But this is what's actually going on.

00:39:47.000 They still want to shake your hand.

00:39:49.000 Yeah, people try to shake your hand still.

00:39:50.000 They still want to shake your hand.

00:39:52.000 I'm like, it's not going to happen.

00:39:53.000 Stop!

00:39:54.000 Right there.

00:39:55.000 I go, hit me on Twitter and I'll hit you back.

00:39:57.000 But that's it.

00:39:58.000 I don't wanna hug.

00:40:00.000 I don't wanna know nobody.

00:40:01.000 Nothing you gotta tell me I wanna hear.

00:40:03.000 Unless you're showing in here with a fucking envelope, which I don't see you have.

00:40:07.000 Don't come close to me at all.

00:40:09.000 People, they're not changing their behavior that much.

00:40:12.000 No, they're not changing their behavior.

00:40:13.000 There's a number of people, right?

00:40:14.000 So some people are paying attention to everything, some people are over-cautious.

00:40:18.000 I went to the fucking supermarket, this lady had goggles on, and she had, I mean, not goggles, but big Jackie Onassis, dark sunglasses, a fucking face mask with these giant gloves on, and she's walking away from everybody, like everyone's a bomb.

00:40:30.000 And she's doing her grocery shop.

00:40:32.000 I'm like, okay, well, you've gone too far.

00:40:34.000 This is a little ridiculous.

00:40:35.000 And then I'm looking at other people that are acting like there's nothing wrong, and they try to shake your hand.

00:40:40.000 And then there's people that are paying attention too much, so they've become paranoid, and they're not even living their life.

00:40:45.000 And then there's other people that aren't paying attention at all.

00:40:47.000 They're barely paying attention.

00:40:48.000 I'm in the middle.

00:40:50.000 I know I have to live my life.

00:40:52.000 That means I don't have to go to 7-Eleven for nothing.

00:40:55.000 Yeah.

00:40:55.000 7-Eleven is filthy.

00:40:57.000 I don't have to go in there for nothing.

00:40:59.000 Okay?

00:41:00.000 Nothing.

00:41:01.000 I got rolling papers and everything in my house.

00:41:03.000 Lighters.

00:41:03.000 I got lighters till the next millennium.

00:41:05.000 I can light myself up 10 times with the lighters I got.

00:41:09.000 I'm not putting myself in a bad position.

00:41:12.000 You know, you've been quarantined.

00:41:13.000 Jamie's been quarantined.

00:41:14.000 Jamie, I didn't go to...

00:41:16.000 You know, there's some idiots that tonight there'll be a concert.

00:41:18.000 They'll go.

00:41:19.000 Where?

00:41:19.000 No, if I tell you that tonight there's a concert, they'll go.

00:41:22.000 If it was.

00:41:23.000 Well, Liberty University is letting students back in today.

00:41:27.000 Jesus is going to look out for them.

00:41:29.000 Yeah.

00:41:30.000 There was an article on CNN. They were showing Liberty University opening up its doors again to students.

00:41:37.000 Like, this just started, you fucks.

00:41:39.000 You can't just, you know...

00:41:41.000 Where do you think we are right now?

00:41:43.000 Beginning.

00:41:44.000 You really think we're in the beginning?

00:41:45.000 Yes.

00:41:46.000 You don't think we're good till mid-May?

00:41:48.000 Listen, it keeps accelerating every day.

00:41:50.000 If it's accelerating every day, that means it's at the beginning.

00:41:53.000 Every day there's more cases.

00:41:55.000 Every day there's more people getting sick.

00:41:57.000 Now, didn't he say yesterday, and don't quote me on this, he's talking about Easter.

00:42:00.000 Yeah, because it's a very special day to him.

00:42:03.000 See?

00:42:04.000 He said it's a special day.

00:42:09.000 This virus doesn't give a fuck what day you think Jesus came out of the ground.

00:42:14.000 This virus doesn't give a fuck.

00:42:15.000 And if you don't respect it, people are gonna die.

00:42:18.000 And there's people like the lieutenant governor, I think, who he is of Texas, who is like, we should take a risk with older people just to get the economy back in line.

00:42:28.000 People are like, whoa!

00:42:31.000 What are you saying?

00:42:32.000 You think we should get the economy back in line, and by doing the economy, some old people are going to have to die.

00:42:38.000 You're ready to sacrifice people for money.

00:42:42.000 Yeah, older people would rather die than let COVID-19 harm U.S. economy, Texas officials said.

00:42:49.000 Older people would rather die.

00:42:50.000 This is what he says.

00:42:51.000 Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick.

00:42:53.000 Okay.

00:42:55.000 Yeah, and you know, he's saying that he's in that high-risk category himself because he's 70. You know, these politicians are terrified.

00:43:04.000 That this is going to lead to an economic disaster and their name's going to be stuck on it.

00:43:09.000 I think they were terrified at first that they had to act, they had to close things down, but they didn't have a plan.

00:43:16.000 And now they realize, oh my god, this might have to stay locked down for a long time.

00:43:20.000 What happens to the economy?

00:43:21.000 Yeah, you didn't have a plan.

00:43:22.000 No one had a plan.

00:43:23.000 So they locked everything down and now they're like, listen, this could last a long time.

00:43:27.000 We've got to start the rumblings now of getting this ball rolling again.

00:43:32.000 Because if this goes six, seven months, and no one's working, no one can go outside their house for six, seven months, this is crazy.

00:43:39.000 We won't have any money, and China's going to take over.

00:43:42.000 Tucker Carlson had this whole piece he did that I saw that was actually pretty accurate, where he was talking about what could be possible.

00:43:51.000 He was talking about how the NBA... Did you see that whole segment where the NBA, they had said something about China, and then you see all these people that were praising China and saying positive things about China?

00:44:05.000 What was the reason behind that, Jamie?

00:44:08.000 You're an NBA guy.

00:44:13.000 GM for the Houston Rockets tweeted, like, support for Hong Kong.

00:44:18.000 That's right.

00:44:19.000 That's right.

00:44:19.000 It was support for Hong Kong, and then China got pissed at that, and so then they started tweeting nice things about China, and they started...

00:44:28.000 Well, at the time that that happened, there was, like, NBA teams in China doing games, and they'd just come back, and then they started asking all of them what they thought about this, and then, like, LeBron started supporting China, I think, and then everyone jumped on them, and, like...

00:44:42.000 Money over people, I think.

00:44:45.000 Well, you mean that they face consequences for supporting Hong Kong.

00:44:50.000 Yeah.

00:44:50.000 Well, what Tucker Carlson was saying in this piece was that imagine if that's the whole country.

00:44:56.000 Understand that if China's the ruler of the world, if China becomes the ruler of the world, not the United States because of something like this.

00:45:05.000 This is all really possible.

00:45:08.000 The idea that the United States is the ruler of the world, so it has to stay the ruler of the world forever.

00:45:13.000 No, natural disasters, disease, fucking asteroid impact, there's a bunch of different things that could shift the balance of power in the world.

00:45:22.000 Rome used to run everything, right?

00:45:26.000 Europe, England, the UK. England used to run half the fucking planet.

00:45:31.000 There's a lot of different countries that were on top of the world that are no longer on top of the world.

00:45:37.000 And we would be in a real sticky situation if we had to live under the same military dictatorship that China does.

00:45:44.000 And the idea that we would never have to live under that.

00:45:47.000 We can't.

00:45:48.000 We're America.

00:45:48.000 Well, that's ridiculous because we're human beings and other human beings are stuck in a circumstance where they're living under a military dictatorship.

00:45:55.000 So there's no difference between them and us other than culture and the place where they live.

00:46:00.000 That shifts.

00:46:01.000 Things change.

00:46:03.000 With natural disaster, with disease, with failure of the economy, with war, with all these different factors, things change, and our perception, much like our perception of our society itself, it's always going to be like this, and all of a sudden this disease comes along and shuts everything down.

00:46:18.000 You're like, whoa, that's a fucking wake-up call.

00:46:20.000 You need to recognize that this is kind of fragile.

00:46:23.000 Well, the whole system is fragile.

00:46:25.000 If those things happen, natural disaster, disease, war, anything catastrophic happens, the balance of power completely shifts.

00:46:34.000 And who knows whose control the survivors are under?

00:46:37.000 Who knows?

00:46:38.000 Who knows how this works out?

00:46:40.000 This is all real touch and go right now.

00:46:43.000 This is real touch and go.

00:46:45.000 This is uncharted territory where we have slipped into a place where no one's working and everyone's scared and the president wants to go back to work on Easter because it's a special day to him.

00:46:57.000 And Joe Biden can't talk.

00:46:59.000 The guy who's running for fucking president for the Democrats can't talk.

00:47:03.000 Did you see the latest shit?

00:47:05.000 Tim Dillon sent me two videos.

00:47:07.000 He's like, what the fuck is going on?

00:47:08.000 Like he's in a cognitive decline.

00:47:12.000 Governor of New York.

00:47:13.000 Cuomo.

00:47:14.000 Put him in.

00:47:15.000 Put him in, coach.

00:47:15.000 Put him in.

00:47:16.000 You want a guy to run for president that makes sense?

00:47:20.000 You want a guy who's an intelligent guy, who's a strong leader, who's got a lot of experience?

00:47:24.000 He's impressed the fuck out of me the last two weeks.

00:47:27.000 He's impressed the fuck out of me, too.

00:47:28.000 And when he's like, fuck, opening up human lives count more than money.

00:47:33.000 He's impressed me.

00:47:34.000 I'll tell you who else has impressed me.

00:47:35.000 I don't know.

00:47:35.000 See, you can't say nothing because you're always going to be wrong.

00:47:39.000 There's always a knock.

00:47:40.000 Well, Joey, you're wrong, because he's declined the Women's Abortion Act.

00:47:46.000 There's always something.

00:47:47.000 That's true.

00:47:48.000 That's the argument they had about him.

00:47:50.000 I don't even know what it is.

00:47:51.000 I don't even know, and I tell you, it's always something.

00:47:53.000 I don't even know what the issue is.

00:47:54.000 The issue is late-term abortions.

00:47:56.000 He apparently voted for...

00:47:58.000 I know there's always something.

00:48:00.000 And I was just making a joke, but I know there's always something.

00:48:02.000 You were actually right.

00:48:03.000 Tucker Carlson actually brought that up.

00:48:05.000 The other guy that's doing a good job that I see that he's communicating is Governor Newsom.

00:48:09.000 Yes.

00:48:10.000 He's doing a great job.

00:48:11.000 I don't know what his politics are.

00:48:12.000 I don't know if he's a Democratic or Republican.

00:48:14.000 I just know he's stepping up and he's fighting for these people and he's making some smart choices.

00:48:19.000 And you know what?

00:48:20.000 I don't know.

00:48:21.000 Are you a fucking scientist, Joe Rogan?

00:48:23.000 Let me check.

00:48:24.000 Are you a scientist?

00:48:25.000 No, me neither.

00:48:26.000 Go fuck ourselves.

00:48:27.000 Until that time, I don't know.

00:48:28.000 I do know one scientist.

00:48:30.000 And she's telling me to stay the fuck home and mind my business.

00:48:33.000 I do know three, four people who work in emergency rooms that have told me it's not a fucking pretty place.

00:48:40.000 My brother's a cop in a hospital, and he says that it's a fucking nightmare, that you have to sort them out, A and B, and B is if you have kidney-itis, and A is if you have corona.

00:48:56.000 They say it's a fucking nightmare.

00:48:58.000 Right, because you gotta think the same amount of people are still getting injured and sick from other stuff.

00:49:03.000 So Mercy's coming in, Hope is coming in, they're not corona ships.

00:49:07.000 They don't want no corona people down there.

00:49:09.000 They just want fucking, you know, they're bringing in a ship with a thousand beds.

00:49:14.000 There's fucking these goddamn cruise ships.

00:49:18.000 You want to talk about a petri dish.

00:49:21.000 Stuck on a metal craft in the middle of the ocean, breathing recirculated air with a bunch of people partying.

00:49:31.000 For three or four or five days.

00:49:33.000 And around you is the ocean, and if you fall in, you're dead, because they don't scoop anybody out.

00:49:38.000 When do they ever turn the ship around and scoop somebody out when they fall overboard?

00:49:41.000 Did you ever go on those cruise ships?

00:49:42.000 No!

00:49:43.000 No chance.

00:49:44.000 For comics, it was always a death sentence.

00:49:46.000 I made a mistake.

00:49:47.000 No.

00:49:48.000 When I was 21 with a chick, I went on the cruise ship, the one that used to go around Manhattan.

00:49:55.000 So you leave at 6 o'clock and you're back at 6 in the morning.

00:49:59.000 And they take you out far enough so you can gamble, play blackjack.

00:50:03.000 I did that one one time.

00:50:06.000 Nice, but I knew I wasn't going to do it again.

00:50:10.000 Got out of my system.

00:50:12.000 I don't want to go on a fucking cruise ship.

00:50:14.000 And as a comic, you hate to say this as a comedian, Amongst us, it's a death sentence.

00:50:24.000 For me, they have additional work.

00:50:27.000 I do gotta say though, the fucking Impractical Jokers, those guys did a tour on a bus, I mean on a boat, apparently everybody loved it.

00:50:35.000 So it's like if you get your fans in there, a rare thing.

00:50:40.000 Yeah, there's people that could pull that off.

00:50:42.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:50:43.000 Well, Alonzo goes on jazz tours.

00:50:46.000 He does jazz cruises.

00:50:48.000 You know, Alonzo Bowden is a serious jazz fan.

00:50:52.000 Loves jazz music.

00:50:53.000 Loves it.

00:50:54.000 I spoke to him yesterday.

00:50:55.000 Good dude.

00:50:55.000 I love him to death.

00:50:56.000 Good dude.

00:50:56.000 He's always been the best.

00:50:58.000 And a Clippers fan.

00:51:00.000 Before anybody even talked about the Clippers.

00:51:02.000 And rides a motorcycle everywhere.

00:51:04.000 Yeah, that motherfucker.

00:51:05.000 A badass bike, too.

00:51:06.000 Yeah, he's got a bunch of bikes.

00:51:07.000 Or he's had a bunch of bikes.

00:51:09.000 The one BMW's got a badass bike.

00:51:11.000 But he was a Clippers fan when they were 0-92.

00:51:14.000 He was down there by himself with Costello Alonzo.

00:51:18.000 Now he's living like a doctor.

00:51:20.000 He's fucking yelling.

00:51:21.000 Soon as they got Kwame, I was happy just for Alonzo.

00:51:26.000 That's how much I love Alonzo.

00:51:28.000 I was happy just for Alonzo.

00:51:30.000 Everybody loves Alonzo.

00:51:32.000 Everybody.

00:51:34.000 Nobody has a beef with Alonzo.

00:51:35.000 Nobody.

00:51:36.000 Why would you?

00:51:37.000 First of all, he'll break you in half.

00:51:39.000 He's giant.

00:51:39.000 His fucking hands are ginormous.

00:51:42.000 And he's the sweetheart.

00:51:43.000 He's the sweetheart.

00:51:44.000 He doesn't even know he could break your back.

00:51:46.000 You'd never know that he's six foot four, 250 pounds, solid muscle, whatever the fuck he is.

00:51:52.000 He's a tank of a man.

00:51:54.000 But he's hilarious, too.

00:51:57.000 He's a dude that's got great points.

00:52:00.000 Here's one of his lines.

00:52:02.000 He goes, not every Trump supporter is racist, but every racist is a Trump supporter.

00:52:11.000 There's not a whole lot of racists voting for Biden.

00:52:14.000 I mean, maybe a few.

00:52:16.000 They can't let that guy run for president.

00:52:18.000 They have to put a stop to that.

00:52:19.000 He's done.

00:52:19.000 You have to see these recent videos.

00:52:21.000 I'm sending it to you.

00:52:22.000 Have you seen it, Jamie?

00:52:23.000 And then you fucking killed Bernie Sanders.

00:52:26.000 You basically killed Bernie Sanders.

00:52:28.000 Hey, they killed him.

00:52:29.000 I'm reading something the other night.

00:52:30.000 He used me.

00:52:31.000 That Porter, you put the kiss of death on him, cocksucker.

00:52:34.000 He was doing just fine.

00:52:36.000 Oh my God, Julia, the Puerto Rican chick that won't shut up, Ocasio.

00:52:41.000 Oh, Alexander Ocasio-Cortez.

00:52:43.000 Yeah, she won't shut the fuck up.

00:52:44.000 She's a Puerto Rican chick.

00:52:46.000 She's 28 years old.

00:52:47.000 She won't shut the fuck up.

00:52:49.000 Rags to riches Congresswoman.

00:52:50.000 And she's like, fuck, and I won't talk to him because Joe Rogan backed him.

00:52:55.000 Well, it's not that I backed him.

00:52:58.000 It's that they used a video of me to support their campaign to say that I endorsed him.

00:53:05.000 And then they took a bunch of my bits, and they took a bunch of things we said on the podcast, high as fuck, out of context, and made it look like I was some right-wing monster.

00:53:15.000 Make them like I'm some sort of homophobe.

00:53:18.000 And then they use the transphobe thing from the lady that used to be a man.

00:53:23.000 If you don't know the story, used to be a man for 30 years, became a woman for two, and then started beating the fuck out of women without telling them that her whole life she had been a man up until recently.

00:53:34.000 She just thought it was a medical condition that she didn't have to reveal.

00:53:38.000 And I got mad.

00:53:39.000 It's domestic violence.

00:53:40.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:53:42.000 It should be criminal to not tell somebody.

00:53:45.000 I mean, the idea that you're the same thing as a biological woman is just not fact.

00:53:50.000 It's not scientific fact.

00:53:51.000 And yeah, I said a bunch of horrible shit about her.

00:53:55.000 Not even horrible shit.

00:53:56.000 I just said mean things.

00:53:58.000 That she's a man.

00:53:59.000 Like you're a man.

00:54:00.000 You can't just go fighting.

00:54:01.000 You said the truth, though.

00:54:03.000 Yes, that's what I did.

00:54:03.000 I said the truth.

00:54:04.000 When you say the truth, you're not going to have a lot of friends.

00:54:06.000 But here's the thing.

00:54:07.000 I'm a guy that I support bull riding, okay?

00:54:10.000 I support if you're a woman and you want to fight a man, I support it.

00:54:14.000 But you got to let that person know that you're a man.

00:54:19.000 If you used to be a man, you've got to let them know.

00:54:21.000 If a woman wants to fight a biological man right now, a guy with his balls, and she wants to do it, and he wants to do it, and they sign off on it, you could skydive.

00:54:30.000 Why can't you do that?

00:54:31.000 They're both the same weight.

00:54:33.000 Go ahead.

00:54:34.000 I don't think you should.

00:54:35.000 If you're my friend, if you were a woman and you're my friend, I'd be like, there's too many physical advantages.

00:54:40.000 It's too dangerous.

00:54:41.000 All they have to do is hit you once.

00:54:42.000 They don't have to be as skillful as you.

00:54:44.000 If they clip you, you're fucked.

00:54:46.000 And that's the truth.

00:54:47.000 That's what happens.

00:54:48.000 I mean, it's a giant advantage.

00:54:50.000 It doesn't mean the woman can't win because Jermaine Duran to me Actually had a kickboxing fight with a man and knocked him the fuck out.

00:54:57.000 That lady's a beast.

00:54:58.000 The Iron Lady from Holland, she's a beast.

00:55:01.000 But she's a former UFC featherweight fucking champion of the world.

00:55:05.000 I mean, she's an animal, that lady.

00:55:07.000 And had a real close fight with Amanda Nunes recently for the bantamweight title.

00:55:11.000 She's one of the best fighters on earth.

00:55:14.000 And she beat a man and knocked him out.

00:55:16.000 But you shouldn't...

00:55:17.000 Fight a man if you don't know it's a man.

00:55:19.000 That's rude.

00:55:20.000 And if you didn't know that someone used to be a man, that's rude, too.

00:55:23.000 So they tried to pretend that I'm not this transphobic crusader.

00:55:28.000 I love all people.

00:55:29.000 I literally love all people.

00:55:31.000 I don't care what you are, whether you're gay or straight or Asian or black or white or...

00:55:36.000 I don't care.

00:55:37.000 I don't care.

00:55:38.000 I just...

00:55:39.000 If you're nice, I'm nice to you.

00:55:41.000 I'm 100% open to everybody.

00:55:44.000 But I'm not gonna bullshit.

00:55:46.000 You can't fight women if you used to be a man and not tell them.

00:55:50.000 It's so ridiculous that that's even a debatable subject.

00:55:54.000 Like, I had a bit about it where I said, never do I think as a society we could get to a point where someone would say, hey man, I don't think it's cool if you get your dick removed and then beat the fuck out of chicks.

00:56:04.000 And people would be like, you're out of line.

00:56:08.000 That's where it got.

00:56:10.000 That's where it got.

00:56:11.000 We got so overly progressive in the fight to do the right thing.

00:56:16.000 We gotta write that script about a guy who falls in love with a girl.

00:56:20.000 It turns out that she's a man?

00:56:21.000 Yeah, like right before at the wedding, she tells her, you know, my name was Hugo.

00:56:27.000 What would you do if she's really hot?

00:56:30.000 You're still into her.

00:56:31.000 Do you really care?

00:56:33.000 Good question.

00:56:34.000 Some people don't care.

00:56:35.000 Some people are like, I don't give a fuck.

00:56:37.000 I'm ride or die with you, Hugo.

00:56:40.000 When you're alone with her in public.

00:56:44.000 Yeah, man.

00:56:45.000 It's in the fight to do the right thing.

00:56:48.000 And that's what's going on with progressives when they get overly progressive.

00:56:51.000 They think they're fighting to do the right thing.

00:56:54.000 But you have to be able to call out shit that's wrong on your side.

00:56:57.000 And this is one of the problems that the Democratic Party is having right now with this Joe Biden guy.

00:57:02.000 You guys gotta be able to call it out.

00:57:04.000 You can't let this slide because everybody else sees it.

00:57:07.000 And Trump is going to eat him alive.

00:57:10.000 He's gonna eat that guy alive.

00:57:11.000 The guy can barely remember what he's talking about while he's talking.

00:57:14.000 Do you know which one it was?

00:57:15.000 Because there's a few videos going around.

00:57:16.000 There's a few of them.

00:57:18.000 Play any of them.

00:57:19.000 They're all crazy.

00:57:20.000 Every video of him recently talking, he's stumbling through shit.

00:57:24.000 He forgets what he's talking about.

00:57:26.000 We should be making those masks.

00:57:27.000 We should be moving on those ventilators.

00:57:29.000 We can do that.

00:57:31.000 Why doesn't he just act like a president?

00:57:35.000 That's a stupid way to say it, I guess.

00:57:37.000 You know, Donald Trump was asked on...

00:57:38.000 Sorry.

00:57:42.000 Yeah, he's done.

00:57:44.000 No, no, I... Probably best I don't.

00:57:46.000 He's like Junior Soprano before he shot...

00:57:49.000 Yeah.

00:57:49.000 Look at him.

00:57:51.000 That's not even the worst example.

00:57:54.000 That's just an example.

00:57:56.000 The one down there, when he's talking to that lady, I think that one was a struggle too.

00:58:01.000 That was a struggle fest.

00:58:02.000 ...period for keeping businesses shut and people at home.

00:58:06.000 Are you at all concerned, as Trump said, that we cannot let the cure be worse than the problem itself?

00:58:13.000 We have to take care of the cure.

00:58:15.000 That will make the problem worse no matter what.

00:58:18.000 No matter what.

00:58:19.000 We know what has to be done.

00:58:21.000 We know you have to...

00:58:22.000 Reassess the recommended period.

00:58:25.000 Yeah, see, he doesn't know what he's talking about when he's talking.

00:58:28.000 And this is not...

00:58:29.000 I'm looking at this like a medical condition.

00:58:33.000 I'm looking at this like, okay, when I'm calling a fight and I see a guy limping...

00:58:37.000 And I'm like, I think he hurt his knee.

00:58:39.000 Like, Tiago Santos against Jon Jones.

00:58:40.000 I think he hurt his knee there.

00:58:42.000 I think there's something going on with his knee.

00:58:43.000 Like, that's what I'm looking at this.

00:58:44.000 I'm looking at this like this is a medical issue.

00:58:47.000 That's not a normal way to communicate, unless he's high as fuck.

00:58:50.000 Because if I was high, I'd be like, I don't know what I said to this lady.

00:58:55.000 You could be in the middle of one of those interviews, blasted on edibles, going, what are we even talking about?

00:59:01.000 I don't think that's what it is.

00:59:02.000 He's fucking tired.

00:59:03.000 He's old.

00:59:04.000 He's very old.

00:59:05.000 And I think he can't...

00:59:06.000 He doesn't look good either, and they got makeup on him.

00:59:09.000 Yeah, he doesn't look good.

00:59:09.000 His skin is all pulled tight like a lizard.

00:59:12.000 He's got the formaldehyde in him already.

00:59:15.000 He looks like he's got the formaldehyde in him already.

00:59:17.000 It's not good.

00:59:18.000 They're gonna just press a button.

00:59:19.000 Governor Cuomo.

00:59:21.000 Governor Cuomo right be the answer.

00:59:22.000 That's the answer.

00:59:23.000 I love his behavior.

00:59:24.000 I love his attitude so far.

00:59:26.000 And he's been honest.

00:59:27.000 And I'm telling you, unless you're a fucking idiot, just go to any street corner in New York, you know, look at fucking footage from July.

00:59:36.000 It's too many people.

00:59:38.000 It's too many people.

00:59:39.000 It's too many people stacked on top of each other.

00:59:41.000 I couldn't even think about getting on a ferry and going to eat at Rudy's.

00:59:45.000 Like, I was staying somewhere on Park Avenue, and I'm like, so I gotta get into an Uber, which I fucking filthy in New York.

00:59:53.000 Okay?

00:59:53.000 When you walk into an Uber, people are sitting in cars with the windows shut, breathing whatever he's breathing.

01:00:00.000 Yep.

01:00:01.000 I open up the car and the guy's like, you gonna get in?

01:00:03.000 Yeah, give it a minute.

01:00:04.000 And then I would take my handy wipe out and lower the window and close the fucking door before I got in.

01:00:10.000 When I get on the ferry, I stand outside.

01:00:12.000 I don't sit in there.

01:00:13.000 I breathe that Hudson River air.

01:00:15.000 That's good for you.

01:00:16.000 That's as good as it's going to get.

01:00:18.000 Disinfected.

01:00:18.000 All those bodies and shit floating in there.

01:00:21.000 That fucking Malukia dust in there and pollution, whatever the fuck is in there.

01:00:26.000 But I knew.

01:00:27.000 Look, within weeks, Teaneck, right?

01:00:29.000 Teaneck was the one that got contaminated.

01:00:31.000 Did they?

01:00:32.000 Fort Lee got it.

01:00:34.000 You know, that's all my fucking neighborhood.

01:00:36.000 I don't think nobody...

01:00:38.000 Oh, Hoboken.

01:00:38.000 Hoboken was really bad.

01:00:40.000 Hoboken got it bad?

01:00:41.000 Hoboken, the cops had to go in there and fucking, like, Hoboken was like a party.

01:00:45.000 Like, Hoboken didn't give a fuck!

01:00:48.000 Like, they were fucking just having orgies in Hoboken.

01:00:51.000 Gino told me, you gotta see it!

01:00:52.000 Really?

01:00:53.000 So they finally had to go down and they closed Hoboken.

01:00:56.000 Like, you weren't allowed to go into Hoboken.

01:00:58.000 Only people who lived in Hoboken could party in Hoboken.

01:01:02.000 Then they just had to fucking shut it down.

01:01:06.000 Somebody had a meme on their page.

01:01:09.000 It might have been Donnell.

01:01:11.000 I forget who it was.

01:01:13.000 No, it might have been Snoop.

01:01:14.000 I don't remember who it was.

01:01:15.000 But anyway, they had a meme on their page that said, you're telling people you're going to put them in jail if they go out after 8 p.m., but you're letting people out of jail early because they got the coronavirus.

01:01:28.000 And there's someone going, hmm.

01:01:30.000 Like, what?

01:01:31.000 Like, what the fuck?

01:01:32.000 What are you saying?

01:01:34.000 Are you gonna lock people up, but you're letting people out?

01:01:36.000 First off, if you looked at this whole thing, There's been some weird people who got tests.

01:01:42.000 They got tests?

01:01:43.000 Like, they got tested.

01:01:45.000 Like, there's been some weird people.

01:01:46.000 Like who?

01:01:47.000 Like, even Izbin Abbas, whatever his fucking name is.

01:01:49.000 Who?

01:01:51.000 Izbin Abbas, whatever his fucking name is.

01:01:53.000 Idris Elba.

01:01:54.000 Yeah, the black dude that got shot.

01:01:56.000 Well, he lives in England, and he got tested because he was in contact with other people that had it.

01:02:00.000 You know, why the fuck did Harvey get a test?

01:02:03.000 Because he's in Rikers, and Rikers has a massive outbreak.

01:02:06.000 No shit.

01:02:07.000 Yeah, he's in Rikers.

01:02:08.000 He's in maximum security.

01:02:10.000 Well, he's in Buffalo now.

01:02:11.000 Oh, did they move him to that because of the corona?

01:02:14.000 He's in a hospital up in Buffalo.

01:02:15.000 He's fucked.

01:02:16.000 He's fucked.

01:02:17.000 He probably has no will to live, you know?

01:02:21.000 I mean, he probably doesn't have a will to get through this.

01:02:23.000 I mean, I don't know what kind of medical treatment they're gonna give him, but this could do him in easily.

01:02:28.000 It's running rampant.

01:02:29.000 He's so sick already.

01:02:31.000 You look at the guy, he can barely walk.

01:02:33.000 His health is deteriorating.

01:02:34.000 Oh, the stress in this trial killed him.

01:02:37.000 Crushed him.

01:02:37.000 Took 20 years off his life instantly.

01:02:40.000 This is just a death sentence.

01:02:42.000 I was just saying, we were talking about this yesterday.

01:02:45.000 Imagine if you came up to him four years ago and said, I want to show you your future.

01:02:49.000 Dying in a bed in prison for things you've already done.

01:02:52.000 Right now.

01:02:53.000 You're walking around, toast to the town, getting in limos, climbing out.

01:02:57.000 People are waving to you and cheering.

01:02:59.000 You're getting interviewed on the carpet.

01:03:01.000 Everyone shouts you out.

01:03:03.000 I just want to thank Harvey Weinstein for his amazing, amazing company and the movies you put together that allowed me to shine.

01:03:11.000 Yeah.

01:03:11.000 How many people?

01:03:12.000 Have you seen all the people that praised him?

01:03:15.000 And then four years later, imagine that.

01:03:17.000 The things he's already done.

01:03:19.000 He'd already done them at that point.

01:03:20.000 And they knew while they were praising him.

01:03:22.000 I wonder what they knew.

01:03:23.000 They knew.

01:03:24.000 They knew something.

01:03:25.000 They knew he was a scumbag.

01:03:25.000 They knew something.

01:03:26.000 They knew.

01:03:27.000 They all knew, though.

01:03:28.000 You gotta assume they all knew.

01:03:30.000 So what the fuck?

01:03:31.000 Yeah.

01:03:32.000 They went back.

01:03:32.000 They knocked on doors.

01:03:33.000 Wait a second.

01:03:34.000 So I rape you?

01:03:36.000 You gonna go to that party?

01:03:39.000 What do you mean?

01:03:39.000 So I raped you at a party.

01:03:41.000 Now the next year there's going to be another Cannes Festival.

01:03:44.000 And you're going to show up again?

01:03:46.000 A lot of them did because they wanted to work.

01:03:48.000 See, the thing about Harvey is apparently, this is Whitney Cummings' take on it, she said he would actually give them the things he would tell them he would give them.

01:03:57.000 So he'd say, hey, you suck my dick, I'm going to make you a star.

01:04:00.000 And he would actually do it.

01:04:02.000 He would actually put them in these movies.

01:04:04.000 He would give them so they were happy.

01:04:06.000 So they would get all this treatment, and then they had to spend some alone time with him every now and then.

01:04:11.000 So they would send him emails, lovey-dovey emails.

01:04:14.000 But really, they hated him.

01:04:16.000 And that's when all this came out.

01:04:17.000 He didn't even see it coming because he thought that they loved him.

01:04:20.000 He thought that they would send him these emails.

01:04:23.000 So he sent the emails to the press like, look, look at all these emails.

01:04:26.000 These girls love me.

01:04:29.000 Even though he had done scumbag shit to them.

01:04:33.000 It's just he had it set up where this was how you got by.

01:04:37.000 This is how you made movies.

01:04:39.000 This is how you want to be famous.

01:04:40.000 This is how you get famous.

01:04:42.000 I can help you get famous.

01:04:43.000 You got to help me get rid of some cum.

01:04:46.000 Who do you think sucked his dick?

01:04:48.000 Everyone.

01:04:48.000 I think everyone did.

01:04:49.000 All the guys, too.

01:04:51.000 Really?

01:04:51.000 Every guy.

01:04:52.000 Come on.

01:04:54.000 You think Brad Pitt was sniffing his nutsack?

01:04:56.000 No, I think Brad Pitt threatened him because he made Gwyneth Paltrow feel real uncomfortable, apparently.

01:05:02.000 Oh, I don't know, man.

01:05:03.000 One of the people said the producer did not have symptoms and was under close observation.

01:05:07.000 It was not clear why he had been tested.

01:05:09.000 I'm telling you, there's a lot of shit that don't sound right to me.

01:05:14.000 Listen, Invicts are the last people they care about.

01:05:18.000 The only problem you have with those things is that you could really sue the state.

01:05:23.000 I got locked up when HIV was starting to get popular, 87, 88. So as soon as I got to my destination, they had already built an HIV unit that was a fucking state-of-the-art facility.

01:05:37.000 Everybody else lived like a fucking Momo.

01:05:40.000 The HIV guys lived like kings.

01:05:43.000 Microwave ovens, TVs, colored...

01:05:47.000 Really?

01:05:47.000 Yeah.

01:05:47.000 They let them get microwaves?

01:05:48.000 Oh, they had everything in there.

01:05:50.000 How come?

01:05:50.000 Their own refrigerator.

01:05:52.000 Because they didn't want their food.

01:05:54.000 They didn't really know the extent of the HIV. So they had their own thing.

01:06:01.000 They had their own cook that came in and cooked for the six guys in that unit.

01:06:05.000 So you never...

01:06:06.000 I don't understand.

01:06:08.000 That must have contributed so much to homophobia.

01:06:10.000 But, okay, so, when you...

01:06:13.000 Not in jail.

01:06:13.000 I mean, in the world, you know, during the AIDS crisis?

01:06:16.000 What do you mean?

01:06:17.000 Homophobia in the world during the AIDS crisis, when AIDS was out, when it was a big deal.

01:06:22.000 I mean, I was almost too young to remember it, because I was like 21 when it was happening.

01:06:26.000 I was still a kid.

01:06:27.000 But I mean, the people that were already inclined towards hating gay people, and then there's a disease that everyone's terrified of that you get through sex that could kill you, and it affects gay people disproportionately.

01:06:42.000 83, 82, those are tough years, you know.

01:06:48.000 They even made a phenomenal movie about it called And The Band Played On with Richard Gere and a bunch of great actors.

01:06:57.000 Richard Gere played the guy that...

01:07:02.000 The guy that's a choreographer that did a bunch of plays.

01:07:05.000 I can't remember his name.

01:07:06.000 Oh, yeah.

01:07:07.000 But he played him in a weird manner.

01:07:10.000 And everybody in that movie was a movie star.

01:07:13.000 It was a phenomenal movie about HIV. HIV really started with a stewardess, a male stewardess that would take flights from France or Italy or England.

01:07:24.000 One of those.

01:07:25.000 Don't quote me, but let's just go with France to New York.

01:07:29.000 And when he would come to New York he would fuck somebody from the plane, then go to Studio 54 and get his dick sucked, and then go right back to England.

01:07:38.000 And he kept doing that.

01:07:40.000 It was all sex with the same stewardess.

01:07:42.000 Really?

01:07:42.000 If you watch that and the band played on, people forget about that.

01:07:46.000 I was going to put that out in this week.

01:07:47.000 I never saw it.

01:07:48.000 For one of my weekly movies.

01:07:50.000 Excuse me, Jamie.

01:07:51.000 If you can see if there's a trailer for it or something.

01:07:54.000 And the band played on.

01:07:55.000 We can't play the trailer?

01:07:56.000 No, no, no.

01:07:57.000 But they'll tell you who's in it.

01:07:58.000 Oh.

01:07:58.000 And you're going to go, damn!

01:08:00.000 How the fuck did they even see that?

01:08:02.000 Everybody's in it.

01:08:03.000 Like, it was such a...

01:08:05.000 It was such a...

01:08:08.000 Well, just go to the movie.

01:08:10.000 Don't go for a YouTube.

01:08:12.000 Don't go to a trailer.

01:08:13.000 Just go to the movie on IMDB and you'll be able to see.

01:08:14.000 Look at Richard Gere how good looking he was.

01:08:16.000 He was beautiful.

01:08:16.000 He was still flinging dick.

01:08:18.000 He was a beautiful man.

01:08:19.000 And these guys were all gay.

01:08:20.000 And he's going to interview gay dudes that got it.

01:08:23.000 And they're telling him, man, it started with a spot on my hand and This is a phenomenal, phenomenal movie if you've never seen it.

01:08:32.000 So there's the starring...

01:08:34.000 There's the cast.

01:08:36.000 Matthew Modine from Vision Quest.

01:08:38.000 Alan Alda.

01:08:39.000 Alan Alda.

01:08:39.000 Matthew Modine.

01:08:41.000 Natalie Bay.

01:08:42.000 Christian...

01:08:43.000 I mean, fuck it.

01:08:44.000 Phil Collins.

01:08:46.000 Alex Courtney.

01:08:48.000 David Dukes.

01:08:49.000 Richard Gere.

01:08:51.000 There's somebody else in this movie.

01:08:53.000 That was back in the day when rock stars.

01:08:55.000 Angelica Houston was great.

01:08:56.000 Glenn Healy was great in this.

01:08:58.000 See, they're all doctors.

01:08:59.000 Yes, Richard Gere was a choreographer.

01:09:02.000 It doesn't say which choreographer.

01:09:04.000 It doesn't say.

01:09:04.000 But it's supposed to be somebody who was very big at that time.

01:09:09.000 Who's it supposed to be based on, Jamie?

01:09:12.000 He's on the movie posters and shit.

01:09:15.000 The actual choreographer?

01:09:16.000 The real one that it's based on?

01:09:17.000 Richard Gere is.

01:09:18.000 Right, but find out who it was supposed to be based on.

01:09:21.000 Phil Collins was in that movie.

01:09:23.000 It's interesting, like, rock stars used to be, they used to do movies back then.

01:09:28.000 Remember, Gene Simmons did a few movies.

01:09:30.000 He was phenomenal.

01:09:32.000 Gene Simmons did a movie called, with the dude from, oh my god.

01:09:36.000 When the guy put the bomb in his mouth?

01:09:38.000 Oh!

01:09:39.000 Rutger Hauer.

01:09:40.000 Rutger Hauer.

01:09:40.000 That's right.

01:09:42.000 Wanted, dead or alive, cocksucker.

01:09:45.000 Gene Simmons did that one.

01:09:46.000 He was a bad guy.

01:09:47.000 Where Gene Simmons was brilliant was on Miami Vice when he played the coke dealer on the fucking boat in the pilot for the second season.

01:09:57.000 He was phenomenal.

01:09:58.000 He played an Arab.

01:09:59.000 He always played an Arab.

01:10:01.000 They made him take a suntan.

01:10:02.000 They told him, Gene, go be an Arab.

01:10:04.000 And he would fucking get a suntan.

01:10:07.000 In Wanted Dead or Alive, he was an Arab terrorist.

01:10:09.000 And in Miami Vice, he was...

01:10:12.000 Like an international Arab arms dealer, and he hooks up Crockett and Tubbs.

01:10:17.000 He did a ton of work.

01:10:18.000 And Phil Collins did a good Miami Vice, too, with Kira Sedgwick, who is what's-his-name's-wife now.

01:10:26.000 He did a tremendous episode.

01:10:27.000 Kevin Bacon, right?

01:10:28.000 Yeah, she's married to Kevin Bacon.

01:10:30.000 There's a lot of great movies from that era.

01:10:34.000 I've been putting them out, G. That's it.

01:10:36.000 It started, like, March 4th for me, by mistake.

01:10:40.000 At about 11 o'clock, I caught on, because my wife changed something at the house, so they threw a different epic out of some package, and at 11 o'clock, Death Wish was starting.

01:10:51.000 And I watched it from the beginning, and now I know why rape and all that shit is disturbing to me.

01:10:56.000 It's that movie.

01:10:57.000 Oh, right.

01:10:58.000 I remember that.

01:10:58.000 The rapes in that movie, as a little kid, fucked my shit up.

01:11:01.000 Wasn't Jeff Goldblum one of the rapers?

01:11:03.000 Yes, and one of the one was two.

01:11:06.000 That rape scene in that movie fucked me up, so I started watching my mom a lot more.

01:11:10.000 I'm like, that's what rape is?

01:11:12.000 That's fucking nasty.

01:11:13.000 Those movies got campy.

01:11:15.000 Like, the Death Wish movie started out, the real first one was really kind of disturbing and scary.

01:11:20.000 Very disturbing.

01:11:21.000 And you were with Bronson.

01:11:22.000 You were like, go get him.

01:11:23.000 Oh, no, no.

01:11:24.000 You were with Bronson, and at that time, New York had had the vigilante, the Jewish guy, Berkowitz, the one that got on the train and shot the two black teens because he felt intimidated by them.

01:11:38.000 He shot one in the back.

01:11:39.000 Right.

01:11:39.000 New York was kind of in a fucking little bit of an uproar.

01:11:43.000 I don't know if Death Wish was first or that movie was first, but Death Wish is fucking...

01:11:49.000 The rape scene is so fucking disturbing, you want to cry.

01:11:54.000 And as a kid, I remember thinking about my mother at the bar.

01:11:57.000 Like, this could happen to my mother?

01:11:59.000 Oh, this could never fucking happen.

01:12:03.000 Yes, it is Jeff Goldblum.

01:12:04.000 You're absolutely right.

01:12:05.000 Yeah, he was real scary in it, too.

01:12:08.000 He was real creepy.

01:12:09.000 Yeah, this is horrible shit, man.

01:12:12.000 This has happened to people before.

01:12:13.000 That's real.

01:12:15.000 Charles Bronson was a bad motherfucker in that movie, too.

01:12:17.000 He had those shark eyes.

01:12:20.000 Dog, he went to Arizona to try to relax after his wife died or his wife was a vegetable.

01:12:26.000 And that dude gave him a gun, took him to the gun range.

01:12:29.000 And that's when it was all fucking over.

01:12:33.000 He just went out at night looking for motherfuckers to shoot.

01:12:39.000 I got a good movie that people forgot about.

01:12:41.000 Which one?

01:12:41.000 Southern Comfort.

01:12:42.000 How good is it?

01:12:43.000 It's a real good movie.

01:12:44.000 Remember that movie?

01:12:45.000 No.

01:12:46.000 A bunch of guys are doing, they're in the swamp.

01:12:48.000 I think it was Louisiana.

01:12:50.000 And they're like National Guard guys.

01:12:52.000 They think they're being cute.

01:12:53.000 And they run into these backwoods swamp people that live back there.

01:12:58.000 And they wind up getting those Creole, those French dudes that speak French.

01:13:03.000 Is this it?

01:13:04.000 Oh, yeah, man.

01:13:05.000 So they run into these communities of people that live deep, I guess like Cajun people?

01:13:13.000 Am I saying that right?

01:13:14.000 Is that wrong?

01:13:15.000 Is that what it is?

01:13:16.000 And they get fucked up.

01:13:19.000 And they get sucked into these guys' world.

01:13:23.000 They think they're being cute.

01:13:24.000 And they shoot at someone or something.

01:13:27.000 I forget how it happens.

01:13:29.000 But they wind up getting fucked up by these guys.

01:13:32.000 And it's scary.

01:13:34.000 I haven't seen it in a long time.

01:13:36.000 I enjoyed the shit out of it when it came out, though.

01:13:39.000 81. Freshman in high school.

01:13:45.000 It's a good fucking movie.

01:13:46.000 You know, I remember this movie.

01:13:47.000 Yeah.

01:13:48.000 I remember this movie.

01:13:49.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:13:50.000 Booth.

01:13:51.000 What's his name again?

01:13:52.000 Booth.

01:13:53.000 What's his first name?

01:13:54.000 I forget.

01:13:54.000 He also played...

01:13:56.000 T.K. Kirkland's in that movie?

01:13:58.000 He could be.

01:13:59.000 The stand-up.

01:14:00.000 Yes, he could be.

01:14:01.000 He was in a lot of movies, man.

01:14:02.000 Yes, he was.

01:14:03.000 He was in John Carpenter's The Thing.

01:14:06.000 Yeah.

01:14:06.000 Remember that?

01:14:07.000 T.K. Kirkland was in a lot of fucking movies.

01:14:10.000 See the, um, what's the cast, Jamie?

01:14:14.000 Travis Booth?

01:14:15.000 Is that his name?

01:14:15.000 No.

01:14:16.000 Is that right?

01:14:18.000 I am...

01:14:20.000 Yeah, it's, uh...

01:14:22.000 He played the dude in Jonestown.

01:14:26.000 Oh, yes, that's right.

01:14:29.000 That's right, he did.

01:14:30.000 Powers Booth.

01:14:30.000 Powers Booth, that's right.

01:14:32.000 Keith Carradine, that's right.

01:14:34.000 Who else is in there?

01:14:37.000 Can you show me the...

01:14:38.000 Is T.K. Carter, not Kirkland.

01:14:41.000 T.K. Carter.

01:14:42.000 Sorry, T.K. Kirkland.

01:14:43.000 I fucked up.

01:14:45.000 I blame the weed!

01:14:47.000 T.K. Carter used to be around the store.

01:14:50.000 Used to be around the store.

01:14:51.000 Great guy.

01:14:52.000 Yeah, he was a great guy.

01:14:54.000 Damn, I haven't seen him in forever.

01:14:56.000 Right?

01:14:57.000 He was always doing...

01:14:59.000 He was doing movies while he was doing stand-up and then wind up just doing these big-ass movies.

01:15:06.000 When he was in The Thing, I remember, what year was The Thing?

01:15:10.000 82. So, he was in The Thing when I was in high school.

01:15:16.000 Crazy.

01:15:16.000 So, by the time I came out here...

01:15:19.000 And saw him at the store.

01:15:20.000 It's like six years later.

01:15:21.000 Yeah, it was crazy.

01:15:22.000 When I saw him at the store, I couldn't believe it was...

01:15:24.000 No, more than that, 82. So, 10, 12 years later.

01:15:27.000 12 years later, I was out here.

01:15:29.000 So, it was 12 years after that.

01:15:31.000 Southern Comfort.

01:15:33.000 It's a good movie.

01:15:35.000 But one of my all-time favorite movies, all-time favorite that nobody talks about, is a movie called 29th Street.

01:15:42.000 What's that?

01:15:43.000 It's a movie about a guy named Joe Pesch, and you know who he is.

01:15:47.000 He's the guy in real life, in real life, Joe Pesch was the dude in Beverly Hills Cop.

01:15:55.000 He was like the token Italian for a long time.

01:15:58.000 Oh, that guy.

01:15:59.000 No, that's Lampaglia.

01:16:03.000 That's Joe Pesch.

01:16:05.000 This movie is a fucking phenomenal movie.

01:16:10.000 Really?

01:16:11.000 Oh my god!

01:16:12.000 This is Danny Aiello's best fucking movie.

01:16:15.000 If you got daddy issues, you do not watch this movie.

01:16:19.000 So Joe Pesch in real life.

01:16:23.000 The brother sold this movie as a script.

01:16:26.000 He's great friends with Sylvester Stallone.

01:16:29.000 Stallone puts him in all his movies now.

01:16:31.000 He's always old in all of Sylvester Stallone's movies.

01:16:35.000 But this guy's name...

01:16:36.000 In fact, that black dude...

01:16:38.000 So when I came to the store, this was one of my favorite movies of all time.

01:16:43.000 It's a movie about a guy who hits a lottery ticket in New York City.

01:16:49.000 He wins the New York State lottery ticket, the first lottery ticket of all time.

01:16:53.000 It's a true story.

01:16:54.000 That actor in real life won that guy on the left.

01:16:59.000 Right there.

01:16:59.000 He's the one that's, hey Vinny, today's your lucky day.

01:17:03.000 My name is Carmine Fucko.

01:17:07.000 He's also, what do you think I stole that line from?

01:17:10.000 Who do you think you're dealing with, Joey Bananas?

01:17:12.000 That's from Beverly Hills Cop.

01:17:14.000 He's the one that's selling Eddie Murphy the shit.

01:17:18.000 And in the beginning of Beverly Hills Cop, he's the guy that has the truck that Eddie Murphy's going to rob.

01:17:24.000 He's had great scenes.

01:17:26.000 He had that one with Beverly Hills.

01:17:28.000 And then he was in Midnight Run when they made De Niro go look for the guy.

01:17:34.000 The guy that they made go look for De Niro is sitting with an Italian guy that's handcuffed.

01:17:39.000 Who's in Midnight Run again?

01:17:40.000 Midnight Run is De Niro and the guy that...

01:17:44.000 With the bad hair piece.

01:17:45.000 Fucking great movie.

01:17:46.000 Dennis Farina.

01:17:48.000 Just an Academy Award.

01:17:50.000 One of De Niro's best movies because he had to do comedy.

01:17:54.000 That guy.

01:17:55.000 Charles Grodin.

01:17:56.000 Oh!

01:17:56.000 This is a classic movie.

01:17:58.000 Dennis Farina is the best gangster in the world.

01:18:01.000 Oh, that's right.

01:18:02.000 And De Niro's a bounty hunter.

01:18:04.000 He has to go capture him.

01:18:05.000 But there's a dude in this.

01:18:07.000 The dude that they hire, they look for De Niro.

01:18:10.000 Whatever happened to that Charles Grodin guy?

01:18:12.000 He's still looking for O.J.'s killer.

01:18:15.000 He's still looking for whoever killed Nicole.

01:18:17.000 That's who he's looking for.

01:18:18.000 He's still mad at O.J. They finally threw him off TV. The wig company wouldn't sponsor him no more.

01:18:26.000 Didn't he have a late night show?

01:18:27.000 He had something.

01:18:29.000 He had something.

01:18:30.000 They did the Bomb Word movies.

01:18:32.000 But back to 29th Street.

01:18:35.000 When I first moved to L.A., the black dude from 29th Street came into the store one night.

01:18:43.000 And I thought I was on a soccer stick.

01:18:44.000 Who is it?

01:18:45.000 Whoever played, he's a drill sergeant in that movie.

01:18:48.000 He played Anthony.

01:18:51.000 Frank Pesce wasn't in real life.

01:18:53.000 When he sold the script, it was a beautiful script.

01:18:56.000 But somewhere along the line, somebody had to sit him down and go look it, bro.

01:19:00.000 We love your story.

01:19:01.000 We're going to shoot it.

01:19:03.000 You're not going to play you.

01:19:07.000 Imagine that.

01:19:08.000 So they had Anthony Lompaglia, who was already a star in his own way.

01:19:12.000 He's Australian, Anthony Lompaglia.

01:19:14.000 Is he really?

01:19:15.000 Yeah, he's Australian.

01:19:17.000 That's amazing.

01:19:18.000 Yeah.

01:19:18.000 He's Australian.

01:19:19.000 They're so good at doing our accent.

01:19:21.000 Yeah, he's tremendous.

01:19:21.000 And they do a great New York accent.

01:19:23.000 So they let him be the lead.

01:19:26.000 Danny Aiello played the father.

01:19:27.000 He played the brother.

01:19:29.000 They still let him be in the movie.

01:19:30.000 He had a great role.

01:19:32.000 He had a great role.

01:19:33.000 The Italian woman that's in every movie played the mom.

01:19:37.000 I don't even know what the point of the fucking story is.

01:19:39.000 It's just a great movie.

01:19:43.000 What the fuck was the point of all this shit?

01:19:45.000 I'm getting like Joe Biden.

01:19:46.000 Midnight Run, 29th Street.

01:19:48.000 29th Street's a great movie.

01:19:51.000 Oh, so I would see all these guys at the store.

01:19:53.000 Guess who else is on 29th Street?

01:19:55.000 Who?

01:19:57.000 Vinnie Curdo.

01:19:57.000 No shit.

01:19:58.000 Yeah, he's in the scene with Paulie Walnuts in The Soprano.

01:20:03.000 And one time, he's gotta come in and go...

01:20:05.000 Have we ever told the Vinnie Curdo story?

01:20:08.000 I don't know.

01:20:08.000 Vinnie Curdo was that close to having his life movie made with Robert De Niro and Mark Wahlberg.

01:20:16.000 Did we talk about that?

01:20:17.000 And he also was going to fight fucking your boy at one time.

01:20:21.000 Who?

01:20:21.000 He was scheduled to fight your boy.

01:20:23.000 Who's my boy?

01:20:24.000 The guy from Boston.

01:20:25.000 The black dude with the shaved head from Boston.

01:20:27.000 Marvin Hagler?

01:20:28.000 Yeah.

01:20:28.000 That's right, yeah.

01:20:29.000 Yeah, Vinnie Curdo was a fucking animal when he was fighting.

01:20:32.000 He was an animal.

01:20:34.000 Then I saw Vinnie Curdo's in it.

01:20:36.000 Vinnie Curdo shows up at the store.

01:20:38.000 And then there's somebody else who's in it.

01:20:40.000 Look at him hanging out with Sam Kinison.

01:20:42.000 I met Vinnie right when, well before, but right when all that shit was going down, I went to his apartment.

01:20:50.000 And he was showing me the script and telling me what was happening.

01:20:53.000 That's Marky Wahlberg.

01:20:54.000 That's who he was going to hire.

01:20:55.000 That's who was going to play.

01:20:56.000 And then the funding fell apart.

01:20:57.000 Like last minute the funding fell apart and the movie deteriorated.

01:21:00.000 But it was a good movie.

01:21:01.000 And it's based on his life.

01:21:03.000 And it's based on his life.

01:21:03.000 And it's a fucked up story.

01:21:05.000 And he was willing to say who he is and how he became who he is.

01:21:11.000 He was a tough motherfucker, though.

01:21:13.000 That guy was a tough fighter.

01:21:14.000 Very tough guy.

01:21:15.000 I read his other script.

01:21:18.000 And it's better than that one.

01:21:20.000 His script was good.

01:21:21.000 It was a very good script.

01:21:22.000 Bro, the other one he wrote about when he had to go hide out in Canada.

01:21:26.000 So he couldn't go to any training gyms.

01:21:30.000 Really?

01:21:31.000 Because everybody knew where he was looking, that they were all looking in boxing gyms.

01:21:35.000 Wow.

01:21:35.000 So instead of hitting the bag, he decided to run up a hill in Canada.

01:21:39.000 It was very hard to run up this hill, so every day he would run up the hill.

01:21:44.000 And finally there was a kid in the block, and he had some type of muscular dystrophy, and the kid always said, I'd like to walk up that hill.

01:21:52.000 So then he said, listen, before you die, we're going to walk up the hill one time.

01:21:57.000 And they walked up the hill on the way back.

01:21:59.000 The kid died.

01:22:01.000 And he wrote it into a fucking screenplay.

01:22:04.000 Wow.

01:22:04.000 Vinny's got some stories.

01:22:06.000 He's got some stories.

01:22:07.000 Vinny's got, and he forgets them.

01:22:09.000 He forgets them.

01:22:10.000 I mean, how many fights did he have?

01:22:12.000 The other night, I gotta tell you, it's another Academy Award winner that I forgot about.

01:22:17.000 That I'm gonna be honest with everybody right here, I refuse to watch it.

01:22:21.000 When it came out for years, I refused to watch it.

01:22:24.000 And after I did, I'm happy I did.

01:22:27.000 Harlem Nights is so fucking good.

01:22:31.000 Harlem Nights is such a fucking black experience that it is a masterpiece.

01:22:38.000 I mean, I've been watching a lot of shit lately.

01:22:40.000 I haven't seen that in forever.

01:22:41.000 What year was that?

01:22:42.000 I remember seeing it when it came out.

01:22:44.000 That movie is so...

01:22:47.000 Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy.

01:22:49.000 Oh my god.

01:22:50.000 And fucking the other fucking guy, too.

01:22:53.000 Red Fox.

01:22:55.000 Oh my God, this is such a good movie!

01:22:58.000 Look at that picture.

01:22:59.000 I refuse to go see this movie.

01:23:01.000 I'm like, this is just black exploitation.

01:23:03.000 It is so fucking brilliant, this movie.

01:23:06.000 Have you seen Dolomite?

01:23:08.000 Yes.

01:23:08.000 I haven't seen it, the new Dolomite.

01:23:09.000 I heard it's amazing.

01:23:10.000 I think it's amazing.

01:23:11.000 I heard it's amazing.

01:23:12.000 I think he did a great job.

01:23:15.000 He says one line in that movie, I'll tell you, that I love.

01:23:18.000 I fell in love.

01:23:19.000 It is coming out of my eyes.

01:23:21.000 He's an open-miker, man.

01:23:23.000 And he's fucking dying to make it.

01:23:25.000 And you know how we are.

01:23:27.000 And one of us comes up to you like, Joe, I got an idea.

01:23:30.000 You know, like he said, I got an idea, man.

01:23:33.000 I think I'm going to do this.

01:23:34.000 And the other comedian was like, man, you're just a bum.

01:23:38.000 And you know, like when you're at that, when you're an open mic and you really can't, and he was walking away and he said something to somebody, he goes, it's going to be all right.

01:23:48.000 And Eddie Murphy goes, nah, it ain't, man.

01:23:50.000 There's nothing worse than having something to sell and nobody to sell it to.

01:23:54.000 And it made me feel like an open mic.

01:23:56.000 Because that's what you feel like when you're an open mic.

01:23:59.000 Yeah, you got something to sell.

01:24:01.000 But nobody to sell it to.

01:24:02.000 Do you remember that feeling when you'd watch someone on stage and the crowd was packed and you just wished you could get up there?

01:24:08.000 God, I wish I could get up there right now.

01:24:10.000 And that's what I'm trying to do right now.

01:24:12.000 I'm trying to re-fall in love with stand-up.

01:24:15.000 During the break?

01:24:16.000 Yeah.

01:24:17.000 I even wrote the story out of how I was lost and my ex-wife fucking forced my hand and drove me to the comedy works in Denver.

01:24:28.000 And now I got off stage and I was like, this is it.

01:24:32.000 And I'm like, but the only obstacle I have is a wife and a kid.

01:24:35.000 How am I going to do comedy with a wife and a kid?

01:24:39.000 We just bought a condo.

01:24:41.000 How old were you?

01:24:42.000 $28.

01:24:45.000 It stole my soul.

01:24:48.000 I didn't want to go to work no more.

01:24:50.000 Nothing else mattered.

01:24:52.000 The only thing I loved as much as doing comedy was cocaine.

01:24:56.000 I didn't like nothing else.

01:24:58.000 I just liked cocaine and stand-up comedy.

01:25:01.000 And I couldn't figure out how to do them and make a living and pay for a family.

01:25:05.000 Then she came home after three months and she didn't want to be married no more.

01:25:09.000 And part of me was 80% relieved and the other 20 I wanted to be a father and the whole thing.

01:25:14.000 But it's the truth.

01:25:15.000 I fell in love with it.

01:25:16.000 It fucking just stole my soul.

01:25:19.000 Like, I did everything I had.

01:25:21.000 I watched every tape.

01:25:23.000 I studied Carlin.

01:25:24.000 I studied the shit out of Pryor.

01:25:27.000 I studied the fuck out of Dice.

01:25:30.000 I studied the fuck out of Bill Hicks.

01:25:32.000 You know, I love Bill Hicks.

01:25:35.000 You know, I watched...

01:25:36.000 Today, before I came up here, I was in a rabbit hole.

01:25:39.000 Because I took my daughter for a walk, and I sat down for a minute to get them a drink, to send some emails.

01:25:44.000 And Rodney Dangerfield was on The Tonight Show, the week before Easy Money.

01:25:49.000 And he said that...

01:25:53.000 He said a joke on The Tonight Show and I was laughing.

01:25:55.000 I thought it was funny.

01:25:57.000 He says he drinks so much that he pissed on olives.

01:26:03.000 And the other night, that was on the other night.

01:26:05.000 Caddyshack.

01:26:06.000 Oh, man.

01:26:06.000 From the beginning was on.

01:26:08.000 I watched that for a little while.

01:26:09.000 Oh, that's a great movie.

01:26:10.000 So, like, this vacation, whatever the fuck is going on, it hasn't been rough on me at all.

01:26:16.000 The first week was rough on me before St. Paddy's Day.

01:26:20.000 When I thought I had a flight to New York was rough on me.

01:26:23.000 I already had a plan already in mind.

01:26:26.000 I'm coming back from New York and I'm just staying at home.

01:26:30.000 I'm hiding like a motherfucker.

01:26:31.000 That was my plan.

01:26:33.000 For how long?

01:26:34.000 I do not know, Joe.

01:26:36.000 If he says the 18th, I'm not still going on 420. I have a 420 show.

01:26:41.000 Yeah, I have a 420 show in Vancouver.

01:26:43.000 But it's on the 18th or 420?

01:26:45.000 420. Monday night in Vancouver.

01:26:47.000 You were going on a Monday?

01:26:47.000 Yeah.

01:26:48.000 That's not happening.

01:26:50.000 I don't see how it can happen unless they come up with some sort of cure in 10 days.

01:26:57.000 I mean, it's the 25th.

01:26:59.000 Unless somewhere around the first week of April they have a cure, that's not going to happen.

01:27:05.000 I mean, there's some hope to some treatments that they're coming up with.

01:27:10.000 There's no cure right now.

01:27:11.000 There's no vaccine.

01:27:12.000 It's not even close.

01:27:13.000 The vaccine is a year away plus.

01:27:15.000 How big is this place that you're doing?

01:27:17.000 I'm doing an arena.

01:27:19.000 How do you feel doing it?

01:27:22.000 I don't want to put anybody at risk.

01:27:24.000 Okay.

01:27:25.000 If people can go to the show and have a good time and not be at risk, I would love to do it.

01:27:30.000 It's so weird, man.

01:27:31.000 If the flu was going around, I know this is worse than the flu, but if the flu was going around, we wouldn't think twice of doing a show.

01:27:39.000 That's what's so weird about this.

01:27:41.000 It's like it is absolutely more deadly than the flu.

01:27:44.000 Don't misread what I'm saying.

01:27:47.000 But it's just so crazy how different our approach is to this as approach to anything else that winds up killing people.

01:27:55.000 You know, we've all known people that have died from a disease.

01:27:58.000 Diseases, they kill people all the time.

01:28:01.000 But we've never been in a situation where everybody's scared of one disease.

01:28:05.000 It's so strange, man.

01:28:07.000 It's so strange.

01:28:09.000 And I don't think I can be able to get past that and just do a show right now.

01:28:13.000 I'm 90% sure they're going to cancel it.

01:28:16.000 I mean, the stuff that they're coming up with for treatment, one of them is a malarial disease, an old malaria disease.

01:28:22.000 There's some other different treatments that hold hope.

01:28:26.000 But there's so many people, man, that could get infected if you've got a show of 12,000, 13,000 people, whatever it is.

01:28:33.000 How the fuck are you going to make sure those people are okay?

01:28:36.000 Is it your responsibility?

01:28:38.000 Do you say, come at your own risk?

01:28:40.000 You know, I mean, what if you get it when you're there?

01:28:42.000 Like, what are we doing?

01:28:43.000 What are we doing?

01:28:44.000 You know, I mean...

01:28:46.000 The whole thing's crazy.

01:28:48.000 I think it's going to be a long time before we feel comfortable doing shows again.

01:28:51.000 It's going to be strange at first, you know?

01:28:53.000 But I also think when the dust settles, it will settle, hopefully, unless this is the first thing that falls and then all those other things fall into place that we talked about, like natural disasters.

01:29:05.000 We're going to appreciate peace.

01:29:08.000 We're going to appreciate freedom.

01:29:09.000 You're going to appreciate being to roam around, do whatever you want, go out at 3 o'clock at night.

01:29:13.000 You're going to appreciate it.

01:29:15.000 You're going to appreciate being able to go to a diner and have breakfast with your friend at 2 o'clock in the morning and laugh.

01:29:21.000 You're going to appreciate it.

01:29:22.000 Cars on the street.

01:29:23.000 Everybody acting normal.

01:29:24.000 It's going to mean more to you now.

01:29:25.000 It's like the sun after a rainy day.

01:29:28.000 It means more.

01:29:28.000 It feels better.

01:29:30.000 It has more of an impact.

01:29:31.000 And I think we've gone through a long stretch in this country where everything was static, everything was doing fairly well, we were on an upward trend, no real tragedy nationally that changed the way we live our life other than September 11th.

01:29:47.000 So we got like September 11th and then all these years of war of course, crime of course, but we're basically business as usual for most folks.

01:29:56.000 Not anymore.

01:29:56.000 This is a wake-up call.

01:29:58.000 This is a wake-up call that you have a finite amount of time in this life.

01:30:02.000 And this life, the way you're experiencing it right now, this is just how it is right now.

01:30:07.000 There's a million different factors that are in play constantly.

01:30:10.000 And you've been real lucky that you've had this stretch of peace and harmony.

01:30:14.000 But that shit could change at any moment.

01:30:16.000 It really could.

01:30:17.000 And we gotta use this time to be nicer to each other.

01:30:20.000 We gotta use this time to realize that we got a little confused.

01:30:25.000 We got crazy.

01:30:26.000 You know, everybody's just trying to acquire things and everybody's trying to, you know, move their way up the corporate ladder.

01:30:32.000 Like, hey...

01:30:33.000 There's a fucking end to this ride, okay?

01:30:36.000 This ride comes to a stop someday, and it doesn't matter how much shit you've acquired, it doesn't matter how far you got up this ladder, what position of prominence you have in the community, and how you're respected by the business world, nobody gives a fuck when you're dead.

01:30:52.000 You're gonna die.

01:30:54.000 We're together right now experiencing this thing in this really distracted way.

01:31:00.000 The thing comes into focus when you're forced into a situation like we are now, where you're literally nervous about your survival.

01:31:08.000 Then the thing comes into focus.

01:31:11.000 And to me, my gratitude has come into focus.

01:31:15.000 My gratitude towards my friends, my gratitude towards my family, my gratitude towards...

01:31:19.000 Look, we're very fortunate that we're not living check to check.

01:31:23.000 Many of us have been in the comedy community.

01:31:26.000 Many of us are now.

01:31:29.000 There's a lot of guys listening to this right now that we're hoping for these weekends coming up so they could pay their rent.

01:31:33.000 This is uncharted territory for those folks and all of us that are Experiencing this, but the people that are going check to check, they're the ones who are really getting hit.

01:31:41.000 I want them to also know that you cannot stress over this enough that your stress makes you get sick also.

01:31:49.000 Yeah, it weakens your immune system.

01:31:50.000 We are working, you know, and I know 50% of people are being honest.

01:31:56.000 You know, my friend said that they yanked them the other day for the cable bill in the middle of all this.

01:32:02.000 You know, cable doesn't give a fuck.

01:32:05.000 So they shut his cable off?

01:32:06.000 They called him and told him they were shutting his cable off.

01:32:08.000 He goes, I had the money.

01:32:09.000 I didn't have no problem with it.

01:32:10.000 My wife just forgot to pay her.

01:32:12.000 So they're just jumping on people right away.

01:32:14.000 Yeah, they're jumping on you right away.

01:32:16.000 Yeah, they don't want it to stack up.

01:32:17.000 I don't know how landlord's going to be.

01:32:19.000 I had another friend who said, this is really funny, who got divorced 10 years ago.

01:32:27.000 Close to 11 years ago, there was a dispute with one of the credit cards during the divorce.

01:32:33.000 They yanked it two weeks ago out of his account, out of his savings account.

01:32:37.000 They got a judgment.

01:32:39.000 $4,200 on an old credit card.

01:32:41.000 Wow.

01:32:42.000 Like, they're coming out of the fucking woodwork.

01:32:45.000 Yeah, chasing down cold cases.

01:32:47.000 Cold cases and shit like that.

01:32:48.000 Yeah, they realize a big...

01:32:49.000 So be careful, whatever money you have, if you didn't pay your student loan, they might yank it now.

01:32:56.000 Just yank it from you.

01:32:58.000 Yeah.

01:32:58.000 And say, we had to do this.

01:33:00.000 Right.

01:33:01.000 So be very fucking careful.

01:33:03.000 You're right.

01:33:04.000 You know.

01:33:05.000 Right, and you think about it that way?

01:33:07.000 Like, who knows what the fuck they're going to do now.

01:33:08.000 You know, they're telling you on TV, yeah, that this landlord isn't going to care.

01:33:13.000 First off, listen, if you can't do business, I can't take your rent money, but who am I going to put in there anyway?

01:33:19.000 Who called you this morning and said that we're going to look for a location for a business?

01:33:25.000 If you have two brains in your head, you're not doing anything right now.

01:33:28.000 No.

01:33:28.000 You're not buying a house unless this is your business.

01:33:31.000 Like, unless you drop and buy houses for a living, you know what I'm saying?

01:33:35.000 You're not going house hunting right now.

01:33:37.000 Even if you do, you'd be like, let's hold on here.

01:33:41.000 Yeah, let's hold on.

01:33:42.000 Nobody knows nothing.

01:33:43.000 For the next six or seven weeks, you don't know dick.

01:33:46.000 I never even thought about the China thing.

01:33:49.000 I didn't read that article, but that was even enlightening.

01:33:51.000 But you don't know dick.

01:33:53.000 Mind your business.

01:33:54.000 I don't have to fly nowhere.

01:33:56.000 Do you understand me?

01:33:57.000 Yeah.

01:33:58.000 I don't have to go anywhere.

01:33:59.000 I got Brea the first week of June.

01:34:02.000 I got Indianapolis and Cleveland somewhere in there in June.

01:34:07.000 That's it.

01:34:08.000 I got nothing in July.

01:34:09.000 July 31st, I got Las Vegas.

01:34:11.000 Who knows what's going to happen there.

01:34:14.000 And August 1st, I'm in San Diego.

01:34:18.000 Who knows if any of those dates could come up.

01:34:22.000 And I'm being smart about this.

01:34:24.000 Listen, so what you mean to tell me is that Motley Crue, who was supposed to start a huge tour in August, Guns N' Roses, who was supposed to start a massive tour I mean,

01:34:41.000 when Live Nation thinks about giving that Motley Crue money back, they have a heart attack.

01:34:45.000 They have a heart attack.

01:34:47.000 They're like, no, we're holding on to this, you know, because it's August.

01:34:51.000 I talked to Salami.

01:34:52.000 He talks to what's his name?

01:34:54.000 Ricky.

01:34:54.000 I think it's August that they go on tour.

01:34:57.000 So what are you telling me, that right after people are allowed to go out, people are going to start Going out and spending money right away?

01:35:04.000 I don't think so, guy.

01:35:06.000 I don't think so.

01:35:07.000 They're evaluating.

01:35:08.000 Every day we're not at work, every week that we lose the weakness, that $1 check is basically going to get people groceries.

01:35:19.000 I think that right now, like, we're real touch and go, but so is the rest of the world, right?

01:35:26.000 China's touch and go.

01:35:28.000 Everywhere's touch and go.

01:35:31.000 Italy's certainly touch and go.

01:35:32.000 They've still got their streets locked down.

01:35:35.000 They're out there singing at night.

01:35:37.000 They don't give a fuck.

01:35:37.000 Some of them, yeah.

01:35:38.000 Those Italians are singing like motherfuckers.

01:35:40.000 Then New York's gotta act like gay people.

01:35:42.000 They gotta fucking sing Yellow Submarine.

01:35:44.000 Sing War Pigs, bitch!

01:35:46.000 This is New York.

01:35:47.000 This is the boogie down Bronx.

01:35:49.000 What are you singing Yellow Submarine for and shit?

01:35:52.000 Fucking Yellow Submarine.

01:35:55.000 Yeah.

01:35:57.000 You know what's killing me the most about this?

01:35:59.000 There's one thing about not wanting to go out and do comedy.

01:36:02.000 There's another thing that you can't go out and do comedy.

01:36:05.000 Right.

01:36:06.000 Okay?

01:36:06.000 I'm the Captain Kirk of the Enterprise.

01:36:08.000 You know what, man?

01:36:09.000 I gotta get out of the house every three nights.

01:36:12.000 If not, somebody's gonna get stabbed.

01:36:14.000 You know that.

01:36:15.000 Even a belly room show.

01:36:17.000 I don't give a fuck.

01:36:17.000 There's always something for us to do.

01:36:20.000 You know?

01:36:21.000 How long do you think it's gonna be, if you had a guess?

01:36:28.000 Honest, honest, honest, honest by what I'm seeing today, by what I watched in the news last night, I think for me to go back on stage, it'll be May 1st.

01:36:44.000 And I don't know when I'll be on another plane again.

01:36:47.000 Dum-dum-dum.

01:36:50.000 Yeah.

01:36:54.000 It's all guesswork right now.

01:36:56.000 We really have no idea.

01:36:59.000 We don't know nothing.

01:37:00.000 We don't know nothing.

01:37:01.000 How has your focus been on writing?

01:37:04.000 Have you been focused enough to really write the best stuff you've been writing?

01:37:08.000 Right now?

01:37:08.000 No.

01:37:08.000 Yeah, no.

01:37:09.000 Okay.

01:37:09.000 I haven't written it all.

01:37:10.000 Okay.

01:37:11.000 I haven't written it all while this is going on.

01:37:13.000 I'm waiting.

01:37:13.000 I've tried.

01:37:14.000 I've tried to write.

01:37:15.000 I've written jokes that, like, you know, the funny thing was, like, last week, they had that poor little white kid that had the rosy cheeks.

01:37:22.000 Mm-hmm.

01:37:23.000 And he's like, you could tell that dude never got a D in his life.

01:37:26.000 You see that video?

01:37:27.000 This is our turn in Florida.

01:37:31.000 I had to write about shit like that.

01:37:34.000 Everybody's mad at that kid.

01:37:35.000 Joe, that's me.

01:37:37.000 That was me in 1981. That's every 18-year-old.

01:37:40.000 Yeah.

01:37:40.000 Can you imagine coming up to me in 81 and going, there's a coronavirus.

01:37:44.000 I would have snorted the coronavirus.

01:37:45.000 You'd be like, Joe, we're here to party.

01:37:46.000 Give me a line of that coronavirus.

01:37:48.000 Watch.

01:37:49.000 Nothing happens to you.

01:37:50.000 Give me two lines.

01:37:51.000 I guarantee you.

01:37:55.000 So it's all different.

01:37:56.000 That could have been us.

01:37:57.000 That kid was as dumb as a fucking stump.

01:38:00.000 Did you see that boy?

01:38:01.000 His parents must be like, Jesus, we fucked up with that dummy.

01:38:05.000 Well, him and the other kids they interviewed, too.

01:38:07.000 All the same thing.

01:38:09.000 This one girl was like, is it my birthday?

01:38:11.000 Turn up?

01:38:12.000 Oh, my God.

01:38:13.000 There was like 20 little chicks doing that fucking hanky breaky heart dance.

01:38:18.000 Oh, my God.

01:38:18.000 Did you see them?

01:38:19.000 All 20 of those girls just spinning into each other one's breath?

01:38:23.000 Oh, I was fucking dying.

01:38:25.000 That's hilarious.

01:38:26.000 The achy breaky heart dance.

01:38:28.000 Yeah, whatever.

01:38:29.000 I don't know what the answer is.

01:38:30.000 Don't quote me.

01:38:31.000 Fly dancing.

01:38:33.000 Something I haven't done since like the fifth grade type shit.

01:38:37.000 Goddamn.

01:38:38.000 So I don't know what the fuck's going on.

01:38:41.000 You're always going to have that with kids though.

01:38:43.000 Kids are going to fuck.

01:38:45.000 They're 18 years old.

01:38:46.000 They're going to fuck.

01:38:48.000 They're going out.

01:38:49.000 They have a couple drinks in them.

01:38:51.000 They got plastic cups.

01:38:52.000 They're gonna fuck.

01:38:53.000 What about the dude who took his mistress to Italy?

01:38:56.000 And he got the fucking herp when he was over there.

01:38:58.000 They both came back, and so now they're both busted, disgrusted, and you'll never be trusted.

01:39:04.000 He took his mistress to fucking Italy to do something.

01:39:08.000 And they both got the corona?

01:39:09.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:10.000 And they got detained over there?

01:39:12.000 Somewhere.

01:39:12.000 Something happened.

01:39:13.000 So the cat's out of the bag.

01:39:15.000 Mama filed for fucking divorce.

01:39:17.000 She's got nowhere to spend the money, fucking Manhattan shut down.

01:39:22.000 Yeah, there's nowhere to go in the world.

01:39:24.000 Like, the UFC's talking about putting on a fight on April 18th.

01:39:30.000 You know, I don't know how they're gonna do that.

01:39:33.000 I don't know if they're gonna be able to do that in the United States.

01:39:35.000 They're talking about doing it in a place with less than 10 people, and then, you know, just an open arena.

01:39:42.000 I guess someone's gonna commentate it.

01:39:45.000 It's not gonna be me.

01:39:47.000 And they're gonna be duking it out like in an empty place.

01:39:52.000 And they're gonna try to do that on the 18th.

01:39:54.000 They did it for the last card in Brazil because it was ordered by the government.

01:39:58.000 The government ordered all large gatherings to break up when they started seeing the cases of corona rising in Brazil.

01:40:04.000 So they had to do the Brazil card Indoors, no people.

01:40:09.000 Weird.

01:40:10.000 But they're gonna plan Khabib and Tony this way.

01:40:12.000 They're gonna plan it.

01:40:13.000 So it doesn't even have to be a big place.

01:40:15.000 They could do it at like a film studio.

01:40:19.000 Legitimately, they could set this up in a film studio somewhere.

01:40:24.000 I mean, they could...

01:40:25.000 Tyler Perry's got a place in Florida.

01:40:27.000 They go down to Florida, rent one of Tyler Perry's gigantic film studios, set up a...

01:40:34.000 I mean, we did it in...

01:40:35.000 When we did Fight for the Troops, when they did...

01:40:38.000 Yeah, in San Diego.

01:40:39.000 Yeah, San Diego and several other places in Austin as well.

01:40:43.000 Whenever we did it, there was a few...

01:40:45.000 No, North Carolina.

01:40:46.000 There's a few different ones that we did.

01:40:48.000 They just would use an airplane hangar.

01:40:50.000 And the troops would be there.

01:40:52.000 The whole audience was the troops in their uniforms.

01:40:55.000 And they would set up this octagon in an airplane hangar.

01:40:59.000 And it was pretty powerful.

01:41:01.000 It's different.

01:41:02.000 Different.

01:41:03.000 Real different.

01:41:04.000 Different kind of show.

01:41:06.000 But they could do that.

01:41:07.000 They could do that in a studio or just a large warehouse.

01:41:11.000 UFC could do it.

01:41:12.000 Set up some lights.

01:41:13.000 Have some crazy high-speed hookup to the internet.

01:41:16.000 Let's party.

01:41:17.000 They see notes.

01:41:19.000 Getting uploaded and we're watching it from here.

01:41:21.000 I mean, they could definitely do that.

01:41:23.000 The UFC has the capability of doing that.

01:41:25.000 The thing is, how are they going to make sure that nobody has it?

01:41:28.000 You know, you're going to have to test everybody.

01:41:30.000 And if someone has it, do you let them fight?

01:41:32.000 Like, what if they have it in their, like, Idris Elba?

01:41:35.000 They have no symptoms, but they got the corona.

01:41:37.000 Like, what if Khabib has the corona?

01:41:39.000 Or what if Tony has the corona?

01:41:40.000 Does Khabib even fight him?

01:41:43.000 This fight is so fucking cursed.

01:41:45.000 This fight is so cursed?

01:41:46.000 And I gotta be honest with you.

01:41:47.000 I gotta be honest with you.

01:41:49.000 I already...

01:41:50.000 That's one of the first things I thought of.

01:41:53.000 When they started talking.

01:41:54.000 And then they started talking about the NBA getting cancelled.

01:41:56.000 Like, oh.

01:41:57.000 Oh, no, the fight.

01:41:58.000 That goes Khabib again.

01:41:59.000 Well, this is how Dana feels.

01:42:01.000 This is why Dana's trying so hard to make it happen, even if there's only 10 people in the room.

01:42:05.000 At first, for a couple days, I was mad at Dana.

01:42:07.000 I'm like, fucking Dana.

01:42:08.000 I go, you know what?

01:42:09.000 This fight has to happen.

01:42:10.000 I don't care if this happens by itself in a fucking airport in Havana, Cuba.

01:42:17.000 I don't give a fuck, but this fight has to get over with.

01:42:19.000 We've waited so long.

01:42:20.000 How many cancellations?

01:42:22.000 Three?

01:42:22.000 Quite a few.

01:42:24.000 Three.

01:42:24.000 Four?

01:42:24.000 This is the fourth time to do it?

01:42:26.000 Three or four.

01:42:26.000 I think this is the fourth time to do it.

01:42:28.000 Hospital visits, broken knee...

01:42:30.000 Yeah.

01:42:31.000 Anxiety attacks.

01:42:32.000 This might be the fifth.

01:42:33.000 This might be the fifth.

01:42:34.000 No.

01:42:35.000 I think so.

01:42:36.000 Yeah, this fight is fucking cursed.

01:42:37.000 Google it.

01:42:38.000 How many times has Tony versus Khabib been canceled?

01:42:42.000 I'm going to say, I think this is the fifth time.

01:42:46.000 It's many times, though.

01:42:48.000 And it's the best fight.

01:42:49.000 Maybe ever.

01:42:51.000 That's the first thing.

01:42:52.000 Then they kept giving you notes.

01:42:54.000 First the NBA, then the Nets tested positive.

01:42:58.000 Then the fucking city of New York went under.

01:43:00.000 And I'm like, oh no, everything's pointing in the wrong direction.

01:43:04.000 I go, but they'll have Vegas.

01:43:06.000 Then Vegas said, they're not fucking meeting until after March 25th.

01:43:09.000 Is this the fifth?

01:43:09.000 It's the fifth time.

01:43:11.000 Fifth fucking time.

01:43:12.000 Come on, guys.

01:43:14.000 This has to happen.

01:43:15.000 It is the fight.

01:43:16.000 I don't care about any other fight on the card.

01:43:18.000 Just pay them, Dana.

01:43:19.000 Just pay them.

01:43:20.000 Just one fight.

01:43:21.000 Just pay them.

01:43:21.000 One fight.

01:43:22.000 I'll pay the pay-per-view.

01:43:23.000 No warm-ups.

01:43:23.000 I'll pay the 69.50 pay-per-view just to see Khabib and get it over with.

01:43:27.000 Could you imagine?

01:43:28.000 That's it.

01:43:29.000 Nobody else has to fight.

01:43:30.000 $69 pay-per-view for one fight.

01:43:32.000 One, two, three trainers in each corner.

01:43:36.000 Everybody's testing.

01:43:37.000 Yeah.

01:43:38.000 One guy and where are you going to put the fucking judges?

01:43:43.000 They watch from home.

01:43:46.000 Listen, they're terrible when they're there.

01:43:47.000 They're terrible when they're there.

01:43:49.000 So they can't watch from home.

01:43:51.000 It's not going to help them being there.

01:43:53.000 Oftentimes, honestly, you get a better view of what's going on when you're watching at home.

01:43:58.000 Especially if you have headphones on.

01:44:00.000 When I watch with headphones, because I'm watching...

01:44:02.000 When I look down at the screen, sometimes when I'm watching fights, I have to.

01:44:06.000 Sometimes I get a better view.

01:44:07.000 I can't see what the fuck is going on.

01:44:08.000 There's pillars in front of me, and guys are grappling, and I don't know if someone's trying to get a submission or what's happening.

01:44:13.000 Sometimes guys tap, and I didn't even see it.

01:44:15.000 I was like, what did he do?

01:44:16.000 I have to break it down.

01:44:17.000 Then I have to look at it on the screen.

01:44:19.000 When you watch it at home, oftentimes you really have a better view of it.

01:44:23.000 But it's not as crazy.

01:44:25.000 So we don't need them there within social distancing.

01:44:29.000 We could put them in a fucking booth.

01:44:31.000 The judges can all come right here.

01:44:33.000 I'm going to look over their shoulder.

01:44:34.000 Come right here.

01:44:36.000 And then, so all we need is the three guys in the corner, the two fighters, the ref.

01:44:41.000 Bruce Buffer.

01:44:43.000 Test Bruce Buffer.

01:44:44.000 Bruce Buffer, he could do a long distance, too.

01:44:46.000 No, no, no, no.

01:44:47.000 He's going to do it with a gas mask on.

01:44:49.000 Bruce Buffer's going to be in there, red face with a fucking scuba helmet on.

01:44:56.000 It's time!

01:44:57.000 Big ol' fuckin' scuba helmet.

01:44:59.000 Does it have to be pay-per-view, do you think?

01:45:01.000 Because there's no competition for it.

01:45:03.000 Yes.

01:45:03.000 Of course it does.

01:45:04.000 There's literally no competition.

01:45:05.000 What are you, a communist?

01:45:06.000 No, I'm saying there's...

01:45:06.000 Who's a socialist trying to get fuckin' free shows?

01:45:08.000 At the same time you're talking about passing out stimulus checks, how are you gonna ask...

01:45:11.000 No, the UFC wants money, sir.

01:45:13.000 I know.

01:45:13.000 How are you gonna get people to pay for it?

01:45:15.000 You're gonna get plenty of people.

01:45:16.000 Like I said, you know what?

01:45:17.000 Same.

01:45:19.000 Jamie wants everything to be for free now.

01:45:20.000 You gotta be a douche.

01:45:23.000 Somebody fucking loses here.

01:45:25.000 So you gotta be a douchebag.

01:45:27.000 Somebody loses how?

01:45:28.000 Because how am I gonna put all...

01:45:29.000 There's three or four prelims.

01:45:33.000 Five prelims, and then four fights before that.

01:45:37.000 So I'm talking 10 fights, I'm talking 20 people, three per whatever, they're trainers.

01:45:44.000 That's a lot of people, Joe, in one fucking place of winner.

01:45:48.000 So it can't.

01:45:49.000 We gotta eliminate the early prelims and just do the main card.

01:45:55.000 They could do that, but they also would have to test everybody.

01:45:58.000 Everybody cannot share a space either.

01:46:01.000 I cannot be in this room with your Romero over there throwing sidekicks because he's about to fight.

01:46:06.000 But if everybody's tested and everyone's negative, then who gives a shit?

01:46:12.000 That should be the only thing.

01:46:13.000 If you're tested and you're negative, you should be able to wander around.

01:46:17.000 I think this motherfucker's a creepy motherfucker.

01:46:20.000 The virus?

01:46:21.000 Yeah.

01:46:21.000 I think you're right.

01:46:22.000 I think that we're going to find out more.

01:46:24.000 I think there could be a 21-day something.

01:46:28.000 I'm waiting to hear about it.

01:46:29.000 What about the people who got stuck at Texas Airport last week?

01:46:32.000 Four hours for luggage when they came back internationally.

01:46:36.000 Yes.

01:46:36.000 Not one of them has tested positive.

01:46:38.000 How come they're not suing Dulles Airport?

01:46:40.000 That's not just Texas.

01:46:42.000 That was O'Hara, too.

01:46:43.000 O'Hara last week.

01:46:44.000 Nobody's testing positive and waiting on a line for eight hours.

01:46:48.000 But if you go on Twitter, everybody who's dying is from functions of the coronavirus.

01:46:53.000 Right, and you had to go on that line.

01:46:55.000 Results of the coronavirus.

01:46:56.000 You had to go on that line.

01:46:57.000 So I gotta see how long this could really stay.

01:47:01.000 Two weeks ago they were saying the air droplets stay in the air for fucking three hours.

01:47:07.000 Now they're saying something fucking different.

01:47:09.000 I don't think they have a lot of reliable information yet.

01:47:12.000 They have some, they know what it is.

01:47:17.000 Fuck it.

01:47:17.000 You gotta be ready.

01:47:18.000 Have you seen the coronavirus song?

01:47:21.000 The rap song?

01:47:22.000 No.

01:47:22.000 I got it on my Instagram page.

01:47:23.000 You haven't seen it?

01:47:24.000 No.

01:47:25.000 It's fucking great.

01:47:27.000 These guys, it's really catchy.

01:47:30.000 I start singing it throughout the day sometimes.

01:47:32.000 I'm driving around.

01:47:33.000 Why don't you sing it for me a couple of times?

01:47:35.000 No, I'll play it for you.

01:47:36.000 I have to play it.

01:47:37.000 Can't even play it now.

01:47:38.000 I don't want to get a copyright strike.

01:47:40.000 We'll play it afterwards.

01:47:42.000 This is the world we're living in.

01:47:43.000 I think people are less worried about bullshit right now.

01:47:47.000 More worried about real things.

01:47:49.000 I think in that sense.

01:47:50.000 Some of my favorite people that I've ever met are people from Israel.

01:47:54.000 Something about them.

01:47:55.000 They're like carefree.

01:47:56.000 My friend Shuki, he was a kickboxing trainer in Tarzana at a Majiro gym in Tarzana.

01:48:01.000 I used to go down and train with him there.

01:48:03.000 And he was from Israel.

01:48:05.000 And I went to eat dinner at his house once.

01:48:08.000 He invited me over to his house with his family.

01:48:09.000 And they're playing bongo drums and dancing and shit.

01:48:12.000 They were having so much fun.

01:48:14.000 They were so happy.

01:48:15.000 And I said, tell me this.

01:48:16.000 I go, why are Israelis so, like, carefree?

01:48:20.000 He goes, because every day over there you can die.

01:48:23.000 Every day over there you can die.

01:48:24.000 He goes, any day something can happen.

01:48:26.000 And he goes, everybody just, while you're alive, you want to party.

01:48:29.000 Party, party, have fun, have fun.

01:48:31.000 Have a good time.

01:48:33.000 And I was like, wow.

01:48:35.000 That's it.

01:48:36.000 They have a heightened sense of appreciation of life.

01:48:40.000 Like my friends, all my Jewish friends that would go over there for whatever religious thing, they would talk about how hot the Israeli chicks were.

01:48:47.000 Like the chicks in Israel.

01:48:49.000 They're wild.

01:48:50.000 Wild.

01:48:50.000 And they all have to go to the army.

01:48:53.000 It's a party over there.

01:48:54.000 You know that, right?

01:48:54.000 Yeah.

01:48:55.000 It's a party.

01:48:55.000 You ever see the episode when Bourdain was there?

01:48:58.000 They were launching missiles and shit in Tel Aviv or somewhere?

01:49:01.000 Oh, yes.

01:49:02.000 He was stuck.

01:49:03.000 That was the old show.

01:49:04.000 They got stuck there while fucking missiles were flying through the air.

01:49:09.000 They were like, what the fuck is that?

01:49:10.000 That's right.

01:49:11.000 That's right.

01:49:12.000 Yeah.

01:49:13.000 Yeah.

01:49:15.000 We were looking for trouble.

01:49:18.000 Instead of trouble being here, our life was so soft, we were looking for trouble where it didn't exist.

01:49:24.000 We were trying to create problems where they weren't real.

01:49:28.000 We were getting outraged about things that really didn't matter.

01:49:32.000 And now we see what matters.

01:49:34.000 So now that focus has to be on real survival things and health and community and taking care of each other and looking out for the people that don't have any money right now.

01:49:43.000 Because they're not lazy, they just got fucked.

01:49:45.000 You know, we've got to look out for each other, right?

01:49:47.000 All those things are coming into focus now instead of the nonsense that people have been focused.

01:49:50.000 What are you eating there?

01:49:51.000 What is that?

01:49:52.000 Unedible.

01:49:52.000 Oh, okay.

01:49:53.000 I thought it was aspirin.

01:49:55.000 Or ibuprofen.

01:49:56.000 I was going to say, don't take that shit.

01:49:57.000 Why not?

01:49:58.000 Shouldn't take that shit right now.

01:50:00.000 Ibuprofen is a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory and it can do damage to your gut bacteria.

01:50:05.000 Apparently it can fuck with your immune system a little bit.

01:50:07.000 What's ibuprofen?

01:50:09.000 Advil, stuff like that.

01:50:10.000 It's good if you're, you know, you need it if you're injured, right?

01:50:14.000 But it has an effect on your gut biome and it causes inflammation on some people.

01:50:20.000 Cam Haynes was on that shit every day.

01:50:21.000 He was taking 800 milligrams every day and he was in all this pain.

01:50:25.000 And I sent him this Rhonda Patrick thing where she was talking about the dangers of ibuprofen and taking large doses of it, particularly all the time.

01:50:35.000 And so he gets off of it.

01:50:36.000 He's like, fuck.

01:50:37.000 There's a danger of stroke.

01:50:38.000 See if you can find the dangers of taking too much ibuprofen.

01:50:42.000 Because there's a lot of people that really get into that ibuprofen shit.

01:50:45.000 I take a baby aspirin at night.

01:50:46.000 That's fine.

01:50:47.000 That's it.

01:50:48.000 At night, I take it.

01:50:49.000 Before I go to bed.

01:50:51.000 So I'll be protected between 5.30 and 12, which is the highest rate of having heart issues.

01:50:57.000 Ibuprofen is very different than aspirin.

01:51:00.000 But leave and all that stuff, I'm not big on that.

01:51:02.000 Unless I absolutely, positively have to take something.

01:51:07.000 I don't get that many headaches like that.

01:51:09.000 So you know Cam runs like fucking 20 miles a day.

01:51:12.000 FDA strengthens warnings that non-steroidal anti-inflammatories increase heart attack and stroke risk.

01:51:17.000 Yeah.

01:51:18.000 So which one are they?

01:51:19.000 That's like Advil.

01:51:21.000 It's non-steroidal anti-inflammatories.

01:51:23.000 There's a bunch of different ones.

01:51:25.000 Motrin, Advil, Naproxen, Aleve, Ibuprofen.

01:51:30.000 Yeah, that's Ibuprofen and Naproxen.

01:51:33.000 So two different types of non-steroidal anti-inflammatories, Ibuprofen and Naproxen.

01:51:37.000 They're both available over the counter.

01:51:40.000 And he said it's important to be aware of the ibuprofen warnings and naproxen warnings and take steps to limit the risk.

01:51:46.000 So Cam was on 800 milligrams of this shit a day.

01:51:48.000 He's in pain all the time because he runs so much.

01:51:51.000 Gets off of it and the pain goes away.

01:51:54.000 So he's taking something for pain and it's causing him to be in pain all the time.

01:51:58.000 Because it's causing all this inflammation, because his gut is reacting to this fucking chemical he keeps dumping in there, and it's a vicious cycle.

01:52:06.000 Because you've got all this inflammation, and that's what's causing you to take the shit, and the shit is giving you the inflammation.

01:52:12.000 And he's thinking the inflammation is coming from his running.

01:52:16.000 So he gets off of it.

01:52:17.000 No more pain.

01:52:18.000 Like, what?

01:52:21.000 God damn.

01:52:22.000 We're so ignorant.

01:52:24.000 I mean, this is a guy who's an elite athlete.

01:52:27.000 I mean, he's a guy who runs ultra marathons.

01:52:29.000 He's run as much as 240 miles in one race, right?

01:52:33.000 And he didn't know.

01:52:34.000 Like, how many regular folks know that this stuff is bad for you?

01:52:38.000 How many regular folks take unnecessary medication that could be beneficial to you if you have a real issue, but you take it all the time, you take it too much, and actually causes problems?

01:52:47.000 This is a wake-up call for people when it comes to your health.

01:52:50.000 A wake-up call for taking care of your meat vehicle.

01:52:54.000 Take care of your body.

01:52:56.000 You gotta take care of your body.

01:52:57.000 This is one that if you're fortunate and you have a strong immune system, you can mitigate some of the effects of it.

01:53:05.000 And that's the case with the common cold, it's the case with the flu, it's the case with a lot of different things.

01:53:10.000 If you're healthier, you have a better chance of coming out of it on the other end.

01:53:15.000 You know, I've never gotten a flu shot.

01:53:17.000 Never?

01:53:18.000 Never.

01:53:18.000 Really?

01:53:19.000 Because I don't like needles.

01:53:21.000 So I just found out recently that I could take it through my nose.

01:53:26.000 You could spray it.

01:53:26.000 It doesn't work as good on older people, though.

01:53:28.000 It doesn't?

01:53:29.000 No, we asked Dr. Osterholm about that.

01:53:31.000 I'm going to be as honest as I can with you.

01:53:32.000 I've never taken a flu.

01:53:32.000 Anything that has needles involved, you could tell.

01:53:35.000 I would love to do heroin once in a while.

01:53:38.000 But to get really high, it involves a needle.

01:53:40.000 And that's where you throw me the fuck out.

01:53:43.000 That's where the party ends for me.

01:53:44.000 Once you say needle, that's where it ends for me.

01:53:47.000 So, done.

01:53:49.000 Yeah.

01:53:52.000 You got a great joke about that.

01:53:54.000 I don't want to say it right now.

01:53:55.000 What's that?

01:53:56.000 About not needing a flu shot.

01:53:58.000 Oh, no, no, no.

01:54:00.000 But it really is the truth that I've just, I think the immune system, we've flown so much.

01:54:09.000 We have flown so much that that builds a different type of immune system.

01:54:15.000 Well, how about all those shows we did like at the Chicago Theater and giant places where we took pictures with people after the show, hundreds of people?

01:54:21.000 You know, I just did the Treasure Island, sold it out and took pictures with everybody after the show.

01:54:26.000 That's a lot of people.

01:54:27.000 And I went back up to my room and took a tremendous hot, hot, boiling shower.

01:54:32.000 You know, the last time I was at the store, I always take a shower before I go to the store.

01:54:38.000 The last time on April 2nd was probably the first time in years I took a shower that night.

01:54:44.000 That's how disturbed I was.

01:54:46.000 Like, I was fucking really disturbed from that last time I was at the store.

01:54:51.000 Because I thought everybody else was going to be social distancing.

01:54:56.000 More people grabbed me that night than ever before.

01:54:59.000 And every time they grabbed me or somebody came up to me and talked to me, my skin would crawl.

01:55:04.000 And I'm like, I'm not coming down here for a while.

01:55:06.000 Yeah, there's no social distancing at the store.

01:55:08.000 No.

01:55:09.000 So that's why I was...

01:55:11.000 I was like, man, this is my fucking spot.

01:55:14.000 But now we're learning how to live without, which is crazy.

01:55:18.000 You learn how to live without.

01:55:19.000 And that helps sometimes.

01:55:21.000 Like I said, not doing comedy, like giving it a breather, or not being able to do comedy are two different fucking things.

01:55:29.000 Yeah.

01:55:29.000 I can't wait to get on stage.

01:55:31.000 I have a ton to say.

01:55:33.000 You know, we all do.

01:55:34.000 The last fucking four weeks we've made ourselves laugh and now we lose our fucking minds.

01:55:40.000 Yeah, one of the reasons why I haven't written anything is because I'm just enjoying the relaxing.

01:55:44.000 Me too.

01:55:45.000 It's been too long.

01:55:46.000 We've been doing this too long.

01:55:47.000 And the last run, this last nine years has been a run.

01:55:52.000 It's a podcast.

01:55:53.000 Well, once you started really kicking ass on the road, too.

01:55:56.000 Yeah.

01:55:57.000 You really picked up your pace.

01:55:58.000 You gotta.

01:55:59.000 You gotta.

01:56:00.000 Gotta make hay while the sun's shining, as they say.

01:56:02.000 No, but you gotta write.

01:56:04.000 As a comic, you gotta write.

01:56:05.000 Well, I felt like with this, I wanted to think about it.

01:56:09.000 I love one thing that Max Holloway always says.

01:56:14.000 He says, it is what it is.

01:56:16.000 And it's a simple philosophy.

01:56:19.000 It is what it is.

01:56:20.000 But it's also a good way of looking at things.

01:56:22.000 It's like, what are you going to do?

01:56:23.000 Are you going to freak out?

01:56:24.000 It's not going to change it.

01:56:25.000 It is what it is.

01:56:26.000 And this is what it is right now.

01:56:29.000 It is what it is.

01:56:30.000 We're inside all day.

01:56:31.000 You know, if we go outside, we go outside for a hike.

01:56:33.000 There's no people there.

01:56:34.000 You know, come here, stay away from everybody.

01:56:38.000 No hugging, no kissing.

01:56:40.000 Everybody just distance.

01:56:42.000 And we do our social distancing.

01:56:44.000 And we wait it out.

01:56:45.000 And this is life right now.

01:56:47.000 We're still lucky.

01:56:48.000 We're still not...

01:56:49.000 Look, Justin Wren comes here a couple times a year after he gets back from the Congo.

01:56:54.000 Okay?

01:56:55.000 And Justin goes over to the Congo.

01:56:57.000 He sleeps in a grass hut.

01:56:59.000 And he's come back with so many different fucking diseases.

01:57:03.000 He's got malaria three times.

01:57:04.000 Now he has some new parasite that they haven't identified.

01:57:08.000 They don't know what it is.

01:57:10.000 He's worried it's in his brain because he's having some shakes and some chills and some issues that lead him to think that it's connected to whatever the fuck this parasite is.

01:57:21.000 So they keep running tests on him.

01:57:22.000 They have these top virologists that are examining him.

01:57:27.000 But he's deep, deep, deep, deep, deep in the Congo.

01:57:29.000 So who knows what the fuck's in there?

01:57:31.000 There might be some new shit in there.

01:57:32.000 He might literally have some new shit in his body right now.

01:57:36.000 And, you know, this guy keeps going back.

01:57:39.000 He goes back because he's compelled.

01:57:41.000 He's...

01:57:43.000 His mission in life is to improve the lives of all these people that he met there.

01:57:48.000 It's changed his perspective, you know?

01:57:51.000 He's an amazing, amazing person.

01:57:54.000 And he's constantly doing that.

01:57:56.000 Like, that guy is so happy and so friendly, and I think one of the reasons why is because of his perspective.

01:58:01.000 Like, he knows what it's like.

01:58:04.000 Where these people live.

01:58:05.000 He visits them.

01:58:07.000 He stays with them for months at a time.

01:58:08.000 He knows what it's like.

01:58:09.000 And he knows how lucky we are over here.

01:58:11.000 We're lucky as fuck.

01:58:12.000 So if right now we can't do stand-up, you and I are extremely fortunate we have podcasts.

01:58:18.000 So you could just do your podcast instead of, what do you do, two days a week?

01:58:22.000 Do it three.

01:58:23.000 Do it three.

01:58:24.000 You'll be fine.

01:58:25.000 You'll give plenty of chances to rant and rave.

01:58:28.000 Only have people over that you trust.

01:58:30.000 You know, no one's sick.

01:58:31.000 Don't touch anybody.

01:58:32.000 Wipe everything down.

01:58:33.000 Wash your hands.

01:58:34.000 Take a lot of vitamin C. Eat healthy.

01:58:37.000 Take all your vitamins.

01:58:39.000 Make sure you get good rest.

01:58:40.000 Get in a sauna if you can.

01:58:42.000 Please get in a sauna.

01:58:44.000 They have them.

01:58:46.000 I mean, I don't know if they have them at gyms.

01:58:48.000 Fuck, you can't go to gym right now.

01:58:49.000 You can't do dick.

01:58:50.000 Nobody's got a fucking sauna.

01:58:51.000 Well, get in the hot tub then.

01:58:53.000 Nobody knows where to fucking go to a sauna.

01:58:55.000 Everybody has a sauna.

01:58:56.000 If you have one, you're lucky as fuck.

01:58:57.000 I wish I could do a thousand things.

01:59:00.000 But you can't.

01:59:01.000 They were also saying one good thing, just elevate your body temperature.

01:59:05.000 Just elevate your body temperature by working out and breaking a really good sweat.

01:59:09.000 That actually has a good effect on your immune system as well.

01:59:13.000 Even if you exercise in a hot room, you kick up your immune system.

01:59:17.000 You don't have to do anything crazy.

01:59:19.000 But what you're doing is you're introducing those cytokines, those heat shock proteins.

01:59:24.000 Just wear a bunch of layers and get a decent workout in.

01:59:27.000 Really get hot and sweaty.

01:59:29.000 It's good for you.

01:59:30.000 All that stuff's good for you.

01:59:31.000 If you look at the first thing after benefits of working out, it's always lowering your stress.

01:59:43.000 Working on your blood pressure.

01:59:45.000 Yeah.

01:59:46.000 This is the opposite.

01:59:48.000 The times right now are debilitating.

01:59:53.000 If I had the ability to go to acupuncture right now, I know he'd tell me, like, all this shit is low.

01:59:59.000 They make you grab the thing.

02:00:01.000 All this shit is low?

02:00:02.000 Like, all your chakras are blocked, like shit like that.

02:00:06.000 All that shit is probably running low.

02:00:08.000 Like, you need help with your immune system.

02:00:10.000 Yeah.

02:00:11.000 Even though you haven't been doing much.

02:00:13.000 Because just the subconscious thoughts that we have now.

02:00:19.000 You know, we start to sit, this shit goes deep into your subconscious.

02:00:23.000 That's what happened to me.

02:00:24.000 That's why I had my little nervous breakdown on the night that Romero fought.

02:00:30.000 So tell me, you were kind of getting into it.

02:00:33.000 Your friend invites you over to his house to watch the fights, and you're like, I can't.

02:00:37.000 And you had a breakdown?

02:00:38.000 He invited me over, like, Wednesday.

02:00:40.000 And I'm like, absolutely.

02:00:42.000 If not, I'm just gonna sit here at home and watch him by myself.

02:00:46.000 Like I always do.

02:00:47.000 Or, I'll go to Brent's house.

02:00:50.000 All right, you know, Brett.

02:00:52.000 Yeah.

02:00:52.000 John Jock.

02:00:53.000 Right.

02:00:54.000 Go to Brett's.

02:00:56.000 That night, he called me like on Wednesday.

02:00:58.000 He goes, what are you doing Saturday?

02:00:59.000 I'm getting a catered.

02:01:01.000 A couple people coming over.

02:01:02.000 I'd love for you to come over.

02:01:03.000 He broke his leg skin.

02:01:05.000 Oh, no.

02:01:06.000 So I haven't seen him.

02:01:07.000 When did he break his leg skin?

02:01:09.000 Three months ago.

02:01:11.000 Surgery, the whole fucking thing.

02:01:13.000 Oh, no.

02:01:14.000 Fucking metal in his leg.

02:01:16.000 Oh, no.

02:01:17.000 My main dog, so before I went to his house.

02:01:20.000 Is he on crutches still?

02:01:21.000 Yeah, he just got off maybe a week ago.

02:01:23.000 Oh, what a time to have just got off of a fucking surgery.

02:01:27.000 When this shit is going down?

02:01:28.000 Yeah, he beat the surgery curve like by three weeks, four weeks.

02:01:32.000 Oh my god.

02:01:34.000 Imagine.

02:01:35.000 I'm okay all day.

02:01:36.000 I'm with the family.

02:01:38.000 Fucking six o'clock comes.

02:01:40.000 I gotta jump in the shower.

02:01:42.000 It's basically where he lives.

02:01:44.000 Jump over Laurel Canyon, make a right.

02:01:46.000 Go a mile past the comedy store.

02:01:48.000 That's it.

02:01:50.000 For some reason, man, I went in the shower and in the shower.

02:01:53.000 I just started getting on a regular heartbeat.

02:01:58.000 I came out.

02:01:59.000 I took a little anxiety medication, got dressed.

02:02:03.000 What are you taking?

02:02:04.000 They give me a.25, whatever.

02:02:07.000 I don't take them.

02:02:08.000 What is it?

02:02:09.000 Like Stenazole, whatever the fuck they call it.

02:02:13.000 Xanax, whatever.

02:02:14.000 Take Xanax?

02:02:15.000 It's a football.

02:02:15.000 It's the baby one.

02:02:17.000 It's not the sticks the junkies take.

02:02:19.000 It's the little fucking footballs, you know?

02:02:22.000 So you got a little anxiety, so you took a Xanax.

02:02:25.000 How often do you take those things?

02:02:26.000 I take them.

02:02:28.000 Most of the time, between you and me, I wash them.

02:02:31.000 My wife washes them because I put them in my drug pocket.

02:02:35.000 I take them down to the store.

02:02:36.000 And you forget they're in there?

02:02:37.000 And I forget they're in there and I throw them in the hamper.

02:02:40.000 So between you and me, I wash more of them than I eat.

02:02:44.000 And I only get like, he gives me, if I ask him, he'll give them to me.

02:02:48.000 I ask him for like maybe two prescriptions a year.

02:02:52.000 So you just keep them around, just in case?

02:02:54.000 I just keep them around.

02:02:54.000 What does it do?

02:02:55.000 I've never done it.

02:02:56.000 Just in case I get that Morgan Murphy freak out.

02:02:59.000 Morgan Murphy freak out?

02:03:00.000 What's her name?

02:03:01.000 Morgan Murphy, yeah.

02:03:02.000 Yeah, one night I had a follower at the store.

02:03:05.000 I don't know what it was.

02:03:06.000 I fucking walked up the stairs and my anxiety lit up.

02:03:10.000 Really?

02:03:10.000 I almost passed out, but I went up there and destroyed the room.

02:03:14.000 I came out of a fog at the 13-minute mark.

02:03:17.000 I didn't know what had come out of my mouth.

02:03:19.000 I didn't know what I had said.

02:03:21.000 Anxiety had just took over.

02:03:22.000 And you were on the Xanax or the anxiety?

02:03:24.000 No, no, no.

02:03:25.000 Just anxiety itself.

02:03:25.000 I went up there and I just got this weird anxiety.

02:03:29.000 And I remember reaching over to Paulie Shorten going, Go up there for me.

02:03:33.000 I can't do it right now.

02:03:34.000 He goes, what are you talking about, buddy?

02:03:37.000 You have to go up next.

02:03:38.000 And I'm like, fuck you.

02:03:39.000 And I got so fucking mad, I went up there and leveled it.

02:03:43.000 But I was in a coma.

02:03:45.000 I was in a coma.

02:03:46.000 Were you high?

02:03:48.000 No.

02:03:49.000 No.

02:03:50.000 My body was so...

02:03:51.000 I had so much anxiety.

02:03:54.000 It was just...

02:03:54.000 I was just spewing.

02:03:56.000 I was like Roseanne Barr at night.

02:03:58.000 I was just saying shit, Doug.

02:04:00.000 I was just talking.

02:04:03.000 I remember when I got off the stage, Paulie Short told me, you should get anxiety a lot more often.

02:04:09.000 Because that was fucking phenomenal.

02:04:12.000 I just worked myself up.

02:04:14.000 And I worked myself up that much that night.

02:04:18.000 I wanted to see Yo Romero.

02:04:20.000 I definitely wanted to see Joanna against Ching, whatever.

02:04:25.000 Wiley Zhang.

02:04:26.000 I wanted to see her.

02:04:28.000 And all of a sudden, Joe Rogan, I was getting a stroke.

02:04:34.000 I was going to take mushrooms and not eat them, but I was going to take mushrooms with me and my jacket.

02:04:40.000 How long you know me?

02:04:42.000 20 years.

02:04:43.000 I'm not scared of nothing.

02:04:45.000 I went in the car, pulled the car out of the driveway, went like six steps, stopped the car, and then sat there for 10 minutes deciding whether I should take the mushrooms.

02:04:56.000 I'm gonna get stopped by the cops.

02:04:58.000 I had no edibles in me, no nothing.

02:05:00.000 There was no reason for this paranoia.

02:05:02.000 It was just my mind playing tricks on me.

02:05:04.000 I started walking in and out of the house.

02:05:07.000 In and out of the house like I was about to have a stroke.

02:05:10.000 I couldn't control myself.

02:05:12.000 Should I take the keys?

02:05:13.000 I know I forgot something.

02:05:15.000 You weren't I? No.

02:05:17.000 Let me go get the fucking Xanax just in case I get a fucking...

02:05:20.000 Should I bring an edible?

02:05:22.000 No, I won't bring an edible.

02:05:23.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:05:24.000 Let me go back inside and get an edible.

02:05:26.000 That was my acting.

02:05:28.000 I'm not going to wear this shirt.

02:05:30.000 I should wear a different shirt.

02:05:31.000 Let me wear this shirt.

02:05:32.000 I just went through this whole fucking...

02:05:35.000 And I finally said, stop.

02:05:37.000 Joe Dears, get your shit together, cocksucker.

02:05:40.000 This is when I turned Joe Dears.

02:05:41.000 Let's go.

02:05:42.000 Let's go, motherfucker.

02:05:44.000 We're going to go.

02:05:45.000 Let's go.

02:05:45.000 Come on.

02:05:46.000 What are you, a fucking pussy?

02:05:47.000 What are you, a fucking pussy?

02:05:49.000 I got in that car and I did like 90 down Laurel Canyon.

02:05:52.000 I went over there.

02:05:53.000 He had some YU beef for me with some lobster mashed potatoes and shit.

02:05:58.000 And we just watched the fight.

02:05:59.000 We had a great time.

02:06:00.000 There was a dude there who was turning me on to medical shit, telling me to fucking inhale silver.

02:06:06.000 Oh, boy.

02:06:07.000 And it'll block the fucking...

02:06:08.000 Yeah, I don't think that's...

02:06:09.000 It'll block the fucking thing in your lungs.

02:06:12.000 Coronavirus.

02:06:12.000 The coronavirus.

02:06:13.000 Yeah.

02:06:14.000 It was great.

02:06:15.000 But you know what?

02:06:16.000 That night I realized I was just having a fucking...

02:06:20.000 This can't happen no more.

02:06:22.000 That's the type of shit I like to avoid.

02:06:24.000 I don't like that.

02:06:25.000 It's like the first time I got high, I took an edible and went to jiu-jitsu, and somebody mounted me.

02:06:30.000 Time out.

02:06:31.000 Get off.

02:06:32.000 Get off.

02:06:32.000 Please, get off.

02:06:34.000 Please, you gotta get off me.

02:06:35.000 I know.

02:06:36.000 I can't.

02:06:36.000 Please, please, get off me.

02:06:38.000 Please.

02:06:39.000 I had to go outside, take my gi off, and take my dick out, and pee in the street as cars went by.

02:06:45.000 That's how bad...

02:06:46.000 When I got anxiety, I had to pee.

02:06:48.000 Really?

02:06:49.000 When I get anxiety, yeah, I gotta pee right away.

02:06:51.000 So like when I go lift on Mondays and Thursdays, I go lift with a trainer.

02:06:55.000 When she puts 400 on the squat machine and I gotta fucking squat, as soon as I put the back, I gotta go pee.

02:07:02.000 She's like, where you going?

02:07:04.000 I go, bro, my body just went into shock.

02:07:06.000 My body just went into shock.

02:07:08.000 That's how you can tell.

02:07:09.000 And when I gotta go, I gotta go.

02:07:11.000 My first three months of jiu-jitsu, I learned the hard way.

02:07:14.000 Never take an edible.

02:07:16.000 No bueno.

02:07:18.000 Don't be taking an edible at 10 in the morning and going to jiu-jitsu at 6. It comes back.

02:07:23.000 Even if it's gone, it revisits you.

02:07:25.000 The first time somebody threw a mount on me, dog...

02:07:31.000 I had one of those heavy judo gis on.

02:07:34.000 I didn't even know of a lightweight gis yet.

02:07:37.000 Oh my god, Joe Rogan.

02:07:38.000 I had to call a timeout.

02:07:40.000 Like it was over.

02:07:41.000 I had to run outside, take my G off, my gi top off, and just take my dick out and piss.

02:07:48.000 Cars are going by Burbank Boulevard.

02:07:50.000 I'm just peeing.

02:07:51.000 I don't give a fuck about the cops.

02:07:52.000 I tell them the truth.

02:07:54.000 I get these huge anxiety surges.

02:07:58.000 Yeah.

02:07:58.000 When I work out heavy, like heavy weights, I gotta go to the bathroom before, and before I get in my car, I gotta take a long piss.

02:08:06.000 Does the medication help you?

02:08:10.000 When you take a Xanax?

02:08:12.000 Not if you don't take it.

02:08:13.000 I got shit to do in the daytime, dog.

02:08:15.000 I got no time for a fucking Xanax.

02:08:17.000 I don't know what kind of...

02:08:18.000 Well, what does it do?

02:08:19.000 That's what I'm asking.

02:08:19.000 Well, I'll tell you what happens with Xanax.

02:08:21.000 I know for a fucking fact that nobody can tell me.

02:08:24.000 When I first got into comedy, how I... Joey D is the secrets of comedy.

02:08:29.000 You ready?

02:08:30.000 Okay.

02:08:30.000 When I got into comedy, all these jerk-offs, you gotta bring five people to a fucking show.

02:08:36.000 I'm not asking nobody to come to a show.

02:08:38.000 I just wait for Joe Rogan to call me and ask me who wants weed.

02:08:41.000 You want weed?

02:08:42.000 Meet me at the comedy club.

02:08:43.000 I gotta meet you at the comedy club.

02:08:44.000 Don't worry about it.

02:08:45.000 Just meet me there.

02:08:46.000 Next thing you know, I got you paying, Ted, at the door.

02:08:49.000 So I got into selling Xanax.

02:08:51.000 There was a crazy guy in Boulder who had just gotten out of prison for murder and his wife, I don't know, they were getting Xanaxes from a pharmacy.

02:08:59.000 So I was getting Valiums, the Vs.

02:09:03.000 The one with the Vs, you don't know anything about that world.

02:09:06.000 Ten milligrams.

02:09:08.000 You could sell those for two bucks a piece.

02:09:10.000 He was giving them to me for like a quarter.

02:09:13.000 So when I first was an open miker, I was a Zadix salesman.

02:09:17.000 But it always, because I got into a contest.

02:09:20.000 So for me to win the contest, I had to have people there.

02:09:24.000 So they would say, hey, when can we buy some Xanax?

02:09:26.000 You got to meet me at the broker.

02:09:27.000 So all of them would come up to me and go, what the fuck's wrong with you?

02:09:31.000 I just paid $10 to get in there.

02:09:32.000 You got to take that off the price of the pills.

02:09:34.000 Don't worry about it.

02:09:34.000 I got you covered.

02:09:36.000 I had such a high profit margin.

02:09:38.000 It didn't really matter.

02:09:39.000 So I would sell Xanax to people in the hundreds, twenties, tens.

02:09:44.000 Cokeheads loved those things.

02:09:46.000 So what was that?

02:09:47.000 I was a coke head.

02:09:48.000 I could eat ten of those.

02:09:49.000 What does it do?

02:09:51.000 Knocks you the fuck out.

02:09:53.000 Like how?

02:09:54.000 Like you're gonna pass out.

02:09:55.000 You could die like that.

02:09:56.000 When people OD, that's what they eat.

02:09:59.000 Fucking Xanax.

02:10:00.000 I thought it just relaxes you.

02:10:03.000 It relaxes you, but if you eat 50 of them, you're gonna die.

02:10:05.000 And I was eating 50 of them.

02:10:06.000 You were eating 50 in a day?

02:10:08.000 Dog, I ate 30 of them in three days in Beaumont.

02:10:10.000 It took me five days to recover.

02:10:12.000 I told you, I OD'd in Beaumont, Texas in 2005. Wow.

02:10:18.000 From eating 30 10-milligram Valium.

02:10:21.000 Jesus, that's a lot.

02:10:22.000 The problem with that shit in me is, you ready?

02:10:26.000 This is what I realized 20, 30 years.

02:10:29.000 When I was in Open Micah, I was selling them.

02:10:31.000 I was dating a chick that didn't get high.

02:10:36.000 So for me to be around, I would pop those anti-bars and I would be high.

02:10:41.000 That would be good enough for me.

02:10:42.000 So I was used to popping like six of them.

02:10:45.000 I had my tolerance up there fucking high.

02:10:48.000 And why did you like it?

02:10:50.000 Because I would drink with them.

02:10:51.000 I would drink like one or two drinks.

02:10:53.000 You feel tremendous.

02:10:55.000 That's it.

02:10:55.000 Just one or two.

02:10:56.000 Like how do you feel?

02:10:57.000 Like fucked up.

02:10:59.000 Fucked up.

02:11:00.000 Two drinks and a couple Xanny bars, you get fucked up.

02:11:04.000 This is before the Xanny bars.

02:11:06.000 You're not supposed to drink on them, right?

02:11:08.000 No!

02:11:10.000 No!

02:11:12.000 But I would get fucked up and then I'd do comedy and eat two Valiums and drink with the waitresses.

02:11:19.000 I was an open mic, a guy.

02:11:21.000 Right.

02:11:22.000 But the point to my story is that if you eat 10 milligrams of a Valium, Five of it.

02:11:28.000 Your body utilizes five of it.

02:11:30.000 The other five go into your fat and your body holds on to it until it uses it again.

02:11:34.000 Is this science?

02:11:35.000 Yeah.

02:11:35.000 What am I talking about here?

02:11:38.000 You forget who you're dealing with here.

02:11:40.000 So what happens is when you eat that shit, So every time I would get high, I'd fucking nod.

02:11:49.000 The Xanax would come out of your fat.

02:11:50.000 It would agitate the fat and fucking...

02:11:53.000 It would agitate the Xanax out of my fat.

02:11:56.000 If you jogged, would you get high?

02:11:57.000 Oh, fuck yeah!

02:11:58.000 As your body starts eating up and sweating?

02:11:59.000 Dog, I've been off of coke for 12 years.

02:12:01.000 At the seven year mark, I'd be working out from time to time and I'd bump into a coke rock that just went through my system and I'd get all paranoid and creepy for a minute.

02:12:10.000 Like, I was still digesting shit throughout the years, but I believe that those bars and all those little zanny things stick into your fat, and then they get me tired the next day.

02:12:22.000 Yeah.

02:12:23.000 They'll get me tired now.

02:12:24.000 Like, if I eat six of them, I'll get tired.

02:12:27.000 I only eat one of them.

02:12:29.000 I eat one of them.

02:12:30.000 Sometimes I get really high anxiety before I'm about to go up, and I'll eat another one once I get down there.

02:12:36.000 But then I won't eat them for four days.

02:12:39.000 I don't need them until...

02:12:41.000 And then sometimes I remember to take it out and put them back in the thing.

02:12:47.000 Sometimes I just throw them in the hamper and my wife washes them.

02:12:51.000 One of my friends who takes them says that when you get off of them...

02:12:54.000 Very highly addictive.

02:12:56.000 Well, he also said that when you get off of them, it heightens your anxiety.

02:12:59.000 It's like a rubber band effect.

02:13:01.000 That's what he was saying for him personally.

02:13:03.000 I'm going to tell you what I just realized.

02:13:04.000 What?

02:13:05.000 These fucking things.

02:13:07.000 These things are the worst things I ever did.

02:13:09.000 The ear things?

02:13:10.000 This is the worst thing I ever did.

02:13:11.000 Why?

02:13:12.000 Because my hearing was better before I got these.

02:13:15.000 Really?

02:13:16.000 You told me something once, that when you're doing the jack...

02:13:21.000 When you're doing the babanya to get you stronger, that your nutsack disappears.

02:13:25.000 So when you go off the babanya, now you're fucking...

02:13:30.000 If you're doing steroids, your body's endocrine system shuts down so it no longer produces testosterone.

02:13:34.000 Is that true?

02:13:35.000 Yes.

02:13:35.000 So your balls shrink?

02:13:36.000 Is that true?

02:13:37.000 No.

02:13:38.000 The balls don't really shrink.

02:13:39.000 Okay, so...

02:13:39.000 But they don't work anymore.

02:13:41.000 They're not putting in any work.

02:13:42.000 I feel with this.

02:13:43.000 Ever since I got these hearing aids to clarify my hearing, it's made my hearing weaker.

02:13:50.000 It doesn't make my hearing work anymore.

02:13:53.000 Is it true or is it making you aware of the fact that your hearing was going bad?

02:13:58.000 No, my hearing was not going bad, Joe Rogan.

02:14:00.000 I was hearing things out of place.

02:14:04.000 I was hearing the wrong things.

02:14:06.000 If I went to dinner with Joe Rogan, it was fine.

02:14:09.000 If you and I had a conversation, if you brought your wife, I'm gonna have a hard time in the restaurant.

02:14:13.000 You wouldn't hear?

02:14:14.000 I wouldn't hear none of you's.

02:14:16.000 I would just hear Jamie's table on the other side of the room.

02:14:20.000 I could hear his conversation more than yours.

02:14:23.000 Really?

02:14:24.000 And I could hear the silverware hit the table, and I could hear the dishwasher washing dishes, and every time his fork would hit, The fucking thing.

02:14:34.000 I hear that shit.

02:14:35.000 Every time I have four kids at a restaurant, I would be...

02:14:38.000 Every time I was at a restaurant, if it was me and you, we're having a good time.

02:14:43.000 But once you throw Ari and Duncan in the mix, I'm just basically yesing you to death.

02:14:47.000 Really?

02:14:48.000 Yes.

02:14:48.000 That's how bad it was.

02:14:49.000 Well, what is that called?

02:14:51.000 Is there a name for it?

02:14:52.000 There's a couple different names for it.

02:14:55.000 And then somebody told me they kind of had it.

02:14:59.000 I go, why do you wear those?

02:15:01.000 And they're like, I don't know, for years.

02:15:03.000 I went to concerts and then it got to the point where I heard too many things.

02:15:07.000 I just needed to narrow it down.

02:15:10.000 So I finally figured out with these, I don't have them on loud.

02:15:13.000 I have them on low.

02:15:14.000 Because if not, you hear fucking everything.

02:15:17.000 Like I was getting high and fucking hearing everything.

02:15:20.000 You get high, you fucking hear everything.

02:15:24.000 They have these new AirPods now.

02:15:28.000 They have sound deadening.

02:15:30.000 So they sit in your...

02:15:34.000 Noise cancelling.

02:15:35.000 So you put them in and you can either turn noise cancelling on or you can turn them into transparency mode.

02:15:40.000 In transparency mode, the microphone actually picks up the stuff that's outside.

02:15:44.000 Have you tried that yet, Jamie?

02:15:46.000 Yeah.

02:15:47.000 So it makes things sound louder than they are.

02:15:50.000 Like you can hear things better.

02:15:53.000 In a way.

02:15:55.000 It seems to me.

02:15:56.000 I mean, I don't have any hearing issues.

02:15:58.000 To people that maybe don't have hearing issues or whatever, it might make it sound better, yeah.

02:16:01.000 Yeah, I don't have any hearing issues.

02:16:03.000 But when I put those things on, I can hear things louder.

02:16:05.000 I can hear stuff further away.

02:16:07.000 It's like, ooh.

02:16:08.000 I don't think I can hear them talking if it wasn't for me wearing those things.

02:16:11.000 Noise cancellation works.

02:16:13.000 There's microphones on the outside that flip the frequency, and it cancels it out.

02:16:18.000 Oh, that's how it works.

02:16:19.000 And so by not flipping it over, it's just adding to it.

02:16:22.000 Hmm.

02:16:24.000 What is the number?

02:16:25.000 Is it like one and a half times louder than it normally would be?

02:16:28.000 Is there a number?

02:16:29.000 Well, when you add three dB, which is not a lot, that doubles sound.

02:16:33.000 That's like, the intensity of the sound is more, it's double the, it's really hard, it's like a math equation with sound.

02:16:42.000 It's interesting because that's one area where Apple has just stolen the show when it comes to Apple versus Android.

02:16:50.000 Like, phones are pretty comparable.

02:16:52.000 I haven't tried them, but I've heard that Samsung maybe has a pair that are close to it.

02:16:58.000 Or people like them also.

02:16:59.000 They're very good, but they don't have the sound cancelling.

02:17:02.000 They don't have noise cancelling.

02:17:03.000 And the Apple ones, I think the sound quality has been reviewed as being better too.

02:17:10.000 They just, they have, they figured out how to make it, like you just open it up, right?

02:17:14.000 You pull it out of your pocket, you open it up, it asks you if you want to connect, you press a button, boom, it connects, stick it in your ear, and you hear perfect.

02:17:21.000 And for me, it's so much better than a hands-free system when you're driving in the car.

02:17:26.000 I just have it in my ear, and I double tap on that.

02:17:29.000 Instead of it going through the whole car and hearing it in the speakers and everything, I just hear it in my ear like I would a normal, normal conversation I would have with AirPods on.

02:17:37.000 There's another level you could probably get into that I don't think you have in-ear monitors, which I know Burt has.

02:17:41.000 I think Tom and Christina use.

02:17:43.000 I have those at the UFC. When I go into the Octagon and I'm doing an interview, I have an in-ear monitor in.

02:17:49.000 You can get really good ones for music.

02:17:50.000 They have like eight different speakers in that little tiny thing.

02:17:53.000 Yeah.

02:17:54.000 Well, I have a pair of Shure headphones.

02:17:57.000 They work on my laptop.

02:17:58.000 They don't work on iPhones anymore, obviously, but they have drivers in them.

02:18:02.000 And they're like this clear coating over silver cord.

02:18:06.000 They're like pretty high-end.

02:18:07.000 Fuck, they sound good.

02:18:09.000 But, you know, for the little ones you carry in your pocket, like AirPods, that's a goddamn genius invention.

02:18:17.000 Those are way more easily replaceable for $250 than the $3,000 or whatever.

02:18:21.000 Yeah, easily replaceable and they just work so well.

02:18:24.000 They work great.

02:18:25.000 Which of these?

02:18:26.000 AirPods.

02:18:27.000 AirPods.

02:18:28.000 Yeah, there's little things.

02:18:29.000 There's two kinds.

02:18:30.000 There's the kind that are noise-canceling and then the other kind.

02:18:33.000 Most of the time, I actually have both, but most of the time I use the regular one because it sits in my ear better.

02:18:38.000 The noise canceling, I feel like I've got to jam it in there a little bit.

02:18:42.000 But it's great.

02:18:44.000 You can talk to people while you're driving.

02:18:45.000 It doesn't have to go through the system in your car.

02:18:48.000 You know, if you have a Bluetooth setup.

02:18:52.000 You don't have to hear it in the speakers.

02:18:53.000 Yeah, you don't hear it in the speakers.

02:18:54.000 It'll hear your music.

02:18:55.000 Exactly.

02:18:55.000 Or it doesn't block your music.

02:18:57.000 You can still hear the music on the radio.

02:18:58.000 You know, you said something to me, and I realized, like, that's something that I do, and when I do it, I probably have some of my best results, is you were saying a couple years ago you stopped listening to music driving to the store.

02:19:11.000 Absolutely.

02:19:12.000 Yeah.

02:19:13.000 Absolutely.

02:19:14.000 My car that I have, some of my favorite sets, after I drive there, is a car that doesn't even have a radio.

02:19:22.000 That little Porsche that I have, the red one, because it's so, it's old, and it's like real loud, and it's fucking...

02:19:27.000 It's real mechanical, and I'm just, I'm so engaged with it, but that I went, by the time I get to the comedy store, my brain is firing, right?

02:19:36.000 I've been doing something with it.

02:19:38.000 I'm not just pressing autopilot and just sitting back and relaxing on my way to the store and riding on this fucking cloud like the Tesla.

02:19:46.000 With that little Porsche, it's like you're...

02:19:48.000 You hear all the gears.

02:19:49.000 You feel it when you're shifting gears.

02:19:51.000 It's like you're engaged.

02:19:53.000 No music.

02:19:54.000 When you get there, your brain is fired.

02:19:56.000 And you can think about stuff while you're driving there.

02:20:00.000 I like listening to sets.

02:20:02.000 I listen to a lot of my sets.

02:20:03.000 But I also like...

02:20:05.000 I like doing that before shows.

02:20:06.000 I like driving to a show and listening to a set.

02:20:09.000 But I also like sometimes not listening to shit.

02:20:11.000 Just letting my brain get into a good, creative place.

02:20:14.000 Just go over the bits.

02:20:15.000 Go over what I like about them, what I don't like about them.

02:20:18.000 Just make myself concentrate on them with no paper, no nothing.

02:20:21.000 Just driving and concentrating on the bit.

02:20:24.000 I wanted...

02:20:25.000 I heard years ago that...

02:20:27.000 I don't know how true it is.

02:20:28.000 You know, in fucking actors, you hear all this fucking malachy.

02:20:32.000 But I heard that Denzel would sit in a room once a day and go through all his emotions until he drove himself to tears just to check himself for the day.

02:20:43.000 Wow.

02:20:44.000 And I said, how can I do that as a stand-up?

02:20:48.000 I don't need to fucking cry.

02:20:50.000 I'm not in the business to make people cry, so I don't need to cry.

02:20:55.000 I just need to be the best me.

02:20:57.000 Do you know that I went to Anthony Robbins, right?

02:20:59.000 You know I'm a big Anthony Robbins fan.

02:21:01.000 You know that, right?

02:21:02.000 You do know that.

02:21:03.000 You have talked about Anthony Robbins before.

02:21:05.000 I do believe in a lot of what he's saying.

02:21:08.000 Yes.

02:21:08.000 I think that a little bit, you know, I mean, dog, when I went to see him, I was a burglar.

02:21:13.000 I ended up a kidnapper.

02:21:14.000 Something happened, he got through to me.

02:21:16.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:21:17.000 He made me fucking, he works.

02:21:19.000 This shit works.

02:21:19.000 He took it to another level.

02:21:20.000 I took it to another level.

02:21:21.000 So I ain't mad at Anthony Robbins.

02:21:24.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:21:24.000 I got caught.

02:21:25.000 I fucked up.

02:21:26.000 Anthony was on the right pace.

02:21:28.000 I used to listen to his cassette tapes.

02:21:30.000 I really do believe stimulus take you there, something that you do to take you to that mind.

02:21:36.000 Okay?

02:21:37.000 He believes that there's something that we do.

02:21:40.000 You can put yourself in the state.

02:21:42.000 You can put yourself in that state.

02:21:43.000 I really believe there's something to that.

02:21:46.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:21:47.000 The reason why sometimes you're calling me and you're like, Joey, what are you doing?

02:21:51.000 I'm not being honest with you.

02:21:53.000 I'm telling you I'm writing or whatever.

02:21:55.000 I'm watching Paparazzi.

02:21:58.000 I'm watching the most obscure people who are performers.

02:22:02.000 Why wouldn't you tell me that?

02:22:03.000 Why are you lying to me?

02:22:04.000 Because, not you, but a lot of times my wife would go, you know, what are you doing in there?

02:22:08.000 I'm writing.

02:22:08.000 I'm not writing.

02:22:09.000 I'm watching B.B. King live from Africa.

02:22:11.000 But you are writing, in a way.

02:22:12.000 I'm watching B.B. King live from Africa.

02:22:15.000 And I'm watching B.B. go into a place that I could only dream into going.

02:22:20.000 But I've probably been in my 28 years of doing comedy, I've been in there 200 times.

02:22:26.000 I want to learn how to get there more.

02:22:29.000 So I believe that on the way down to the store, Some mornings I do it.

02:22:35.000 Just drive without the car on and think of a specific time in my life.

02:22:41.000 Bad or good, break down the situation and see what happens.

02:22:45.000 I'm not breaking open a scab and I'm not going to see a psychotherapist.

02:22:49.000 I just want to see how I feel about that situation today.

02:22:52.000 You know, I always do that.

02:22:55.000 Reflecting.

02:22:56.000 It's time alone, right?

02:22:57.000 Right now I'm thinking a lot about falling in love with comedy.

02:23:02.000 The shit I did, Stan Hope, coming over to my house as a feature act first.

02:23:08.000 And I was an MC at The Broker on Tuesday nights, 1991. Stan Hope comes as a feature.

02:23:17.000 If anybody ever did that run, you knew that the Tribble Run started Tuesday in Boulder, and Wednesday you had Off, and then Thursday you had Craig, Colorado.

02:23:27.000 I was divorced, but I had a condo.

02:23:29.000 I had a two-and-a-half-bedroom condo.

02:23:31.000 If the comic was cool on Tuesday night, I'd invite him to sleep over so he wouldn't have to pay for a hotel.

02:23:39.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:23:40.000 If not, he would have had to pay.

02:23:41.000 He only made $75.

02:23:42.000 Now you've got to pay $48 for a hotel.

02:23:45.000 Crazy.

02:23:45.000 So if the comic was cool on Tuesday night, I'd say, hey, man.

02:23:49.000 If you want to spend the night tomorrow, give me a call.

02:23:52.000 Tonight you got the hotel here.

02:23:54.000 But if you don't want to drive to Craig, spend the night.

02:23:57.000 First time Stanhope came, he was a fucking feature actor.

02:24:02.000 The second time that motherfucker came, he stayed at my house.

02:24:06.000 I walked him to his car and brought him like food down.

02:24:09.000 He had an apartment.

02:24:10.000 He had like a one-bedroom apartment in his car.

02:24:13.000 And I'll never forget saying, what the fuck is this?

02:24:16.000 And he's like, I'm homeless, but this is what you got to do if you want to.

02:24:20.000 Because he was a real road dog.

02:24:21.000 Yeah, he lived out of his car.

02:24:23.000 He just became a real road dog.

02:24:24.000 Yeah.

02:24:24.000 So I took his fucking advice, you know?

02:24:27.000 I fucking, in June of 95, I said, I'm getting a car.

02:24:30.000 I hung the stick in the back just like him.

02:24:33.000 I had a Frisbee in there, a basketball.

02:24:36.000 I had everything you could have in there.

02:24:38.000 Remember those things that you put in your radiator, the metal?

02:24:41.000 And if your radiator blew, you can fix your radiator on the spot.

02:24:44.000 You can seal it up.

02:24:45.000 Yeah.

02:24:46.000 Oh, when you're broke, that shit for a dollar.

02:24:48.000 Fix a flat, too.

02:24:49.000 Fix a flat.

02:24:50.000 Oh, my God.

02:24:51.000 Living out of your car on the road is a character builder.

02:24:54.000 It's a what?

02:24:55.000 Character builder.

02:24:56.000 Oh, my God.

02:24:56.000 Every comic that I know that ever did that, they're some of my favorite people.

02:24:59.000 They've gone through some shit, you know?

02:25:02.000 Road gigs, man.

02:25:04.000 People that did road gigs, that's a different world, man.

02:25:06.000 I remember when I was doing road gigs, sometimes the booking agent, particularly if I was a middle act, they would bring in a headliner from New York, and a lot of times with these guys, they were club guys.

02:25:19.000 Like, God, I forget the guy's name, but he was an old club act who worked around New York City.

02:25:27.000 He never really did the road, just did New York City, and he and I did a gig together in Burlington, Vermont.

02:25:33.000 And you can see this is like a rare thing for the guy.

02:25:34.000 The guy didn't have a car because he lived in New York and didn't know how he was going to get around.

02:25:38.000 He had to have someone drive him up from the city, wanted to get a ride with me.

02:25:42.000 I was like, man, I'm not giving anybody a ride to Vermont that I don't know.

02:25:47.000 Like, that's just too weird, you know?

02:25:49.000 This gig doesn't pay that much anyway.

02:25:51.000 But those guys that didn't do the road when they did, man, they were like a fish out of water.

02:25:56.000 They had like New York City jokes.

02:25:58.000 Nobody gives a fuck about New York City when they're in Burlington, Vermont.

02:26:02.000 Oh, they go right to the old reliable.

02:26:04.000 So what do you do for a living?

02:26:05.000 A little bit of that, yeah.

02:26:07.000 What do you do for a living?

02:26:07.000 I'm not talking to an electrician.

02:26:09.000 You like being an electrician?

02:26:10.000 What does she do?

02:26:11.000 There were so many comics, though, in New York that they would work the crowd because the crowds were on top of you.

02:26:16.000 The crowds are on top of you in New York.

02:26:18.000 You know, the stages were so small because real estate was so precious that the club was stuffed.

02:26:23.000 People would be stuffed into some of those places, like Stand Up New York.

02:26:26.000 Remember how small that stage was?

02:26:28.000 Or Boston Comedy?

02:26:30.000 You alright with the ear?

02:26:31.000 Yeah.

02:26:32.000 Is that thing fucking with you?

02:26:33.000 No, it just gets itchy.

02:26:34.000 Oh.

02:26:35.000 I remember fucking New York Comedy Club was on 74th Street.

02:26:40.000 I don't remember.

02:26:41.000 Yeah, 74th on the west side.

02:26:45.000 Sussman used to live close to there.

02:26:47.000 We saw him one time.

02:26:50.000 But that room was small and it had like a little stairway on top of it.

02:26:55.000 It had like a staircase that was right on top of it.

02:26:59.000 That was Stand Up New York, the old one.

02:27:03.000 I used to be a New York Comedy Club guy in 91. That's who took me in in 93. I forget what his name is.

02:27:11.000 He was very decent to me.

02:27:13.000 That's how I ended up meeting Mikey Buschetti, who is now Artie Lang's...

02:27:18.000 Hey, how's Artie doing?

02:27:20.000 Is he doing alright?

02:27:21.000 I checked his...

02:27:22.000 You said he was suffering from anxiety.

02:27:25.000 Anxiety, yeah.

02:27:26.000 When I went to New York, I was scheduled to do his podcast that Wednesday and he cancelled.

02:27:31.000 So obviously he's still struggling with it.

02:27:34.000 He's not using.

02:27:34.000 He's not using, no.

02:27:36.000 He did a podcast with me at the Legion of Skanks place and it was amazing.

02:27:42.000 He was great.

02:27:43.000 It was great to see him sober and so alert, present, so there and so honest and fucking hilarious.

02:27:51.000 He's like as funny as he's ever been.

02:27:53.000 Fucked up nose, laughing about it.

02:27:55.000 Doesn't give a fuck.

02:27:56.000 Talking about what he did.

02:27:58.000 He snorted glass.

02:27:59.000 Snorted glass.

02:28:01.000 His girl broke up these pills with a fucking salt shaker and cracked it and got glass and he snorted glass and his nose was bleeding.

02:28:11.000 And he also got knocked out by a guy who he owed money to.

02:28:16.000 The guy who he owed money to hired some kid to collect, and the guy punched him in the nose and smashed his nose in.

02:28:22.000 So he had a double whammy happen.

02:28:24.000 Two things at the same time.

02:28:24.000 Smoking, snorting glass.

02:28:27.000 Dude, he was so funny.

02:28:29.000 He was so funny, and he was so alert.

02:28:32.000 It was great.

02:28:33.000 It was like the Artie I knew years ago, but even better.

02:28:36.000 I don't think I've ever known Artie sober.

02:28:38.000 You know the circle of...

02:28:40.000 There's a circle.

02:28:43.000 It's a spiraling out of control.

02:28:44.000 You get involved.

02:28:48.000 When you're going through it, you're not seeing it.

02:28:51.000 Once you've done it and you have the balls and you look back, they're all hilarious.

02:28:57.000 I went through it.

02:28:58.000 They're all hilarious.

02:28:59.000 You just keep getting in trouble.

02:29:02.000 Isn't it funny though that that's a human pattern?

02:29:04.000 It's a funny pattern that so many humans fall into.

02:29:09.000 He got caught with heroin on Route 86. He got caught in his garage.

02:29:14.000 The cops came down.

02:29:16.000 It's things that would never, ever happen under regular circumstances.

02:29:23.000 But the funk of the drug...

02:29:26.000 It just hits you at one time where...

02:29:29.000 Remember, everything...

02:29:31.000 Listen, nobody drives to an open mic with a Lamborghini.

02:29:34.000 You know?

02:29:35.000 Right?

02:29:36.000 You never see nobody pull up to an open mic with a Lamborghini.

02:29:40.000 Nobody does cocaine or heroin the second time because they had a bad time doing it.

02:29:45.000 You do have a really good time at first.

02:29:48.000 Or it seems like you're having a good time.

02:29:51.000 Your body left an opening somewhere.

02:29:54.000 Just how your immune system could let in coronavirus.

02:29:59.000 Sometimes your soul just has a weakness somewhere.

02:30:02.000 And that's when the coke or the heroin comes in.

02:30:05.000 I know in his mind right now, he's like, fucking heroin?

02:30:09.000 Really?

02:30:10.000 Right.

02:30:11.000 How crazy was I caught up in this shit?

02:30:13.000 So then he went down this fucking just hole, you know?

02:30:19.000 And that's what rehabs do.

02:30:21.000 They catch you.

02:30:22.000 They slow you up.

02:30:23.000 They try to identify the problem with him.

02:30:27.000 Was it his father?

02:30:29.000 Or was it the firing of, you know, The radio guy?

02:30:36.000 No, he had problems way before that.

02:30:38.000 He had problems when he was on MADtv.

02:30:40.000 So what set him off, you know?

02:30:43.000 That's what the rehab does, you know?

02:30:45.000 That's what sets you the fuck off.

02:30:48.000 And you gotta get yourself away from that.

02:30:50.000 I found out what set me off over the years.

02:30:53.000 You know, there was a time that I could sit here for hours with you.

02:30:56.000 Talk, I'm out on bail.

02:30:59.000 And I'm fucking out on bail, kidnapping.

02:31:01.000 Out on bail for second-degree kidnapping, second-degree assault, you know.

02:31:06.000 I got the work strong at me.

02:31:09.000 And I'm fucking going in to see us every day and clipping ten Bruce Springsteen double-set CDs born in the USA. They're going for $80, whatever they were going for, $40.

02:31:22.000 I'm getting $22 apiece.

02:31:25.000 I'm taking $2 a day.

02:31:26.000 I'm walking with a small $220.

02:31:28.000 I got $100 for Coke, $50 for weed, and $50 for lunch.

02:31:32.000 That was it.

02:31:33.000 I still remember, like, doing this for a month.

02:31:38.000 Like, just, like, my addiction had me on this schedule that I wasn't going to work when I'm hot on bail.

02:31:45.000 I'm just going to go to C.S. Roebuck every day.

02:31:48.000 And Rob, born by the USA. They even had him right by the door.

02:31:52.000 I didn't even have to do much work.

02:31:54.000 I just had to walk in, walk in to see his.

02:31:57.000 Made believe I was looking for a hammer.

02:31:59.000 And then on the way out, I just take four of them, put them in my shirt, and walk out.

02:32:03.000 One day, Joe Rogan, I pick up like ten of them.

02:32:06.000 Because instead of four, why am I going to take four?

02:32:09.000 It's like the guy says in Narco.

02:32:11.000 You're going to move a kilo?

02:32:12.000 You might as well move two.

02:32:14.000 You're going to move two?

02:32:15.000 You might as well move five.

02:32:16.000 You're going to move five?

02:32:18.000 You might as well do ten.

02:32:19.000 What's the difference?

02:32:21.000 So instead of taking four boxes, I started taking like tens.

02:32:25.000 Like I would walk out of there, Joe Rogan, like a CD fucking thing.

02:32:29.000 And one day I walk out of there and I hear a guy go, hey you, stop right there.

02:32:33.000 And I'm like...

02:32:34.000 What are you talking about?

02:32:35.000 He's like, come back with those CDs.

02:32:37.000 They're chasing me in Boulder.

02:32:40.000 In the parking lot of Crossroads Mall, here I am getting chased.

02:32:44.000 One security guard in a car and the other guy on foot.

02:32:48.000 I could beat them both up.

02:32:51.000 Like, I could beat them, fuck both of them.

02:32:54.000 But I just can't have no problems.

02:32:56.000 So what am I doing?

02:32:57.000 I'm whipping CDs at them as I'm running.

02:33:00.000 And the guy's like, hey, stop that!

02:33:02.000 And I finally click them.

02:33:05.000 What made me think I was going to get away?

02:33:08.000 And then I run up.

02:33:09.000 I had them.

02:33:10.000 And I run up to the top of the road as I'm about to hit 28th Street.

02:33:14.000 Boulder police is coming right at me.

02:33:16.000 And I had to stop and give them a fake name and fucking...

02:33:20.000 You know, here I am out on fucking bail.

02:33:23.000 Why am I robbing fucking seats?

02:33:26.000 Why?

02:33:27.000 Were you addicted to it, to the thrill?

02:33:29.000 I was addicted to snorting coke and getting my dick sucked.

02:33:32.000 But do you think there was a little bit of an addiction to the thrill of stealing too?

02:33:34.000 Oh, I loved all that shit.

02:33:36.000 Because you loved all that, doing that shit later on with like lighters and shit.

02:33:39.000 Oh, I love all that shit.

02:33:41.000 If I'm not in trouble for something, listen, I just smoked three joints for you here.

02:33:45.000 Do I look high to you?

02:33:47.000 No, you look fine.

02:33:48.000 Don't do nothing no more.

02:33:50.000 Well, it gets you to a good place.

02:33:52.000 But the reefer lets me know I'm still, nothing has changed about me.

02:33:56.000 I could be an AA right now and be clean and sober.

02:33:59.000 I don't do enough to warrant being fucking unsober.

02:34:03.000 This just lets me know I'm okay.

02:34:06.000 It's like a teddy bear.

02:34:07.000 It's like when people suck their thumb.

02:34:09.000 That's all this is for me, Ree, for now.

02:34:11.000 It doesn't really get me blasted no more.

02:34:13.000 I just told you, listen, I'll give you one of these capsules.

02:34:17.000 You won't see daylight till tomorrow, okay?

02:34:20.000 The THC capsules?

02:34:21.000 Oh, these things right here are the strongest things in the market.

02:34:24.000 What's in there?

02:34:25.000 AEB is fucking hash oil, a little bit of oxygen, and 100 milligrams of THC. How many are you taking?

02:34:33.000 I can pop two in the afternoon, 200 milligrams, then take another 200 tonight.

02:34:38.000 Phew!

02:34:39.000 And I'll be okay.

02:34:40.000 No, I got this new thing called Quick Z. Quick Z. Quick Z. What is that?

02:34:46.000 It's a little two-ounce container.

02:34:49.000 If you want to sleep, you come see me.

02:34:52.000 Quick Z. Quick Z. What's in it?

02:34:55.000 Melatonin, like triple.

02:34:57.000 Anything that puts you to sleep naturally, they've put it in there.

02:35:01.000 Plus 100 milligrams of either sativa, indica, or hybrid marijuana.

02:35:08.000 Whoa.

02:35:09.000 And you drink it, dog.

02:35:10.000 The first night I drank it, I found myself...

02:35:13.000 Usually I fall asleep like you do, like this.

02:35:16.000 Like you're reading the computer and you're like this.

02:35:19.000 Yeah.

02:35:20.000 All right, that's one way.

02:35:22.000 That's A. B is this one.

02:35:26.000 I'm away from the computer.

02:35:28.000 Right.

02:35:28.000 I actually back away and just go.

02:35:30.000 And then slump.

02:35:31.000 Slump.

02:35:31.000 Have you done that one, Joe?

02:35:33.000 I'm sure I've done that one.

02:35:34.000 Yes, you have.

02:35:36.000 Last week, no, two weeks ago, I got so fucked up because I thought I was going to go to New York and die from the Corolla.

02:35:42.000 But I actually drank that shit.

02:35:44.000 I ate two pills.

02:35:45.000 Oh, my God.

02:35:46.000 I ate two of these first.

02:35:48.000 Nothing happened.

02:35:49.000 Like, I'm like, fuck.

02:35:51.000 Nothing's happened.

02:35:51.000 And then I drank the fucking liquid.

02:35:54.000 And something started to happen, but it wasn't going fast enough.

02:35:57.000 It was like 10, 15. I wanted to go to bed, so I popped two more of these.

02:36:02.000 Oh my god.

02:36:03.000 They all hit me at once like a Larry Holmes fucking left hook.

02:36:08.000 That night, I woke up on the floor.

02:36:10.000 I fell off the chair, and the heater woke me up.

02:36:14.000 I have a heater in my office.

02:36:15.000 My back was on fire.

02:36:17.000 I woke up.

02:36:18.000 I'm like, why am I on fire here?

02:36:20.000 I woke up dog in a trance.

02:36:23.000 I went into the kitchen.

02:36:24.000 I opened up the refrigerator, and I pulled out a half a pound of deluxe cheese that she had just bought, an American cheese.

02:36:33.000 And I took a pack of saltine crackers, because in my mind, I'm not eating bread.

02:36:37.000 I'm OK. I'm not eating bread.

02:36:39.000 I'm ahead of this motherfucker.

02:36:41.000 You're eating crackers?

02:36:42.000 Doc, I ate the whole half a pound of deluxe ham.

02:36:45.000 Wow.

02:36:46.000 And the whole thing of American cheese sliced in with crackers.

02:36:51.000 And I just went to bed.

02:36:52.000 I woke up the next morning.

02:36:53.000 I took off my mask.

02:36:55.000 There was a big chunk of American cheese in the sleep apnea mask.

02:36:58.000 Didn't you have M&Ms in your mask once, too?

02:37:00.000 Oh, my God.

02:37:01.000 I was like, what the fuck did I eat last night?

02:37:04.000 I fucking went out.

02:37:05.000 My wife's like, Joey, I have a pound of ham.

02:37:07.000 I just bought that.

02:37:09.000 What were you thinking?

02:37:10.000 I go, what was I thinking?

02:37:11.000 You have no idea what I was going through last night, you fuck.

02:37:14.000 I didn't get into bed till four in the morning.

02:37:17.000 I went to bed at 4 and I woke up at 3.30 and was like, what the fuck happened?

02:37:25.000 I must have went down at a quarter to 11. I probably was in this position for an hour and then I just fell off the fucking stool and just laid on the floor.

02:37:37.000 Nobody saw me.

02:37:38.000 That's how drilled I got.

02:37:39.000 I think that was the Wednesday.

02:37:42.000 Yeah, that was the 10th.

02:37:44.000 I don't like to smoke and go to sleep.

02:37:46.000 I don't like to eat it and go to sleep.

02:37:48.000 I just like to go to sleep when I go to sleep.

02:37:50.000 But when I get high, like if I get high before bed, I have to get out of bed.

02:37:55.000 I gotta grab the computer.

02:37:56.000 Because that's when my best ideas come.

02:37:58.000 Really?

02:37:58.000 Yeah, my best ideas come like the first hour after getting high.

02:38:02.000 Like the rush.

02:38:03.000 There's like a rush that happens.

02:38:04.000 A rush of wild thoughts that happens for like the first 40 minutes to an hour right after you're high.

02:38:10.000 It's like, that's when they're popping, they're just popping into your head and they're like, come on, man, let's dance.

02:38:14.000 Like, you gotta get up.

02:38:15.000 You can't just try to sleep on that.

02:38:17.000 Like, when those little moments hit, I start getting ideas.

02:38:19.000 Like, oh, okay.

02:38:21.000 This is a time.

02:38:23.000 You gotta write.

02:38:24.000 Because, you know, how many times do you just go through your day and don't have any interesting ideas?

02:38:29.000 And then all of a sudden, you get high and they come out of nowhere.

02:38:32.000 It's like the most underappreciated engine for ideas ever is getting high.

02:38:37.000 It's funny how when I get home at night, I always think of something between the two stages.

02:38:44.000 Something always happens between the main room and the original room and vice versa.

02:38:48.000 And something always happens how I could do something a little better than what just happened.

02:38:53.000 So when I get home, yeah, I do take a piss, I wash my hands, I... That's the best time to write.

02:38:59.000 I got my THC tea going.

02:39:01.000 I got my little three-milligram Cicomo tea with the CBNs and shit.

02:39:06.000 They have little breath mints now.

02:39:08.000 They're five-milligram breath mints.

02:39:10.000 Oh, they'll fuck you up.

02:39:11.000 Trust me.

02:39:13.000 How did you eat?

02:39:14.000 Oh, my God.

02:39:15.000 They're called Sleep.

02:39:17.000 The product is by Cicomo.

02:39:20.000 And the tea I drink is called Tranquil.

02:39:24.000 And it's...

02:39:25.000 Every time I got a chamomile and the yorba root.

02:39:29.000 Oh yeah, yorba mate?

02:39:30.000 Yorba mate.

02:39:32.000 Yorba mate is a stimulant.

02:39:33.000 Well then it's the cousin.

02:39:34.000 It makes you go to sleep.

02:39:36.000 Whatever it is.

02:39:37.000 Yorba somebody.

02:39:38.000 And then you have 3 milligrams of THC, 10 milligrams of CBN, and like all those other things that put you to sleep.

02:39:48.000 Rosemary.

02:39:49.000 They got everything.

02:39:50.000 No melatonin.

02:39:53.000 But they're fucking pills.

02:39:55.000 It's like a container, not like Tic Tacs.

02:39:57.000 Like a little tin.

02:39:58.000 Like a tin.

02:39:59.000 Of little tiny breath mints.

02:40:00.000 Oh, Lordy!

02:40:02.000 You better be careful with those babies.

02:40:05.000 How many did you take?

02:40:06.000 Two or three.

02:40:07.000 That's it?

02:40:07.000 Yeah, but I also had like 300 milligrams of fucking these in me.

02:40:10.000 Oh, I think it's the other things.

02:40:12.000 No, no, no, no, no.

02:40:14.000 I went to Las Vegas.

02:40:18.000 The last road gig I did was Las Vegas and I went with those.

02:40:23.000 They worked.

02:40:25.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:40:27.000 It's not the THC that kills you.

02:40:29.000 It's the CBN. Jamie, can we find out what CBN is?

02:40:33.000 I don't know.

02:40:34.000 I've never heard of that.

02:40:36.000 There's multiple terpenes.

02:40:38.000 Right.

02:40:38.000 It's one of the dirty cousins to CBD. What is a terpene officially?

02:40:43.000 One of the things in it.

02:40:46.000 I don't know how to explain that, but like...

02:40:49.000 Cannabinoid?

02:40:50.000 Was it terpene?

02:40:50.000 I think that's like what a better...

02:40:52.000 It's a great word.

02:40:54.000 When you could use the term confidently.

02:40:55.000 Whenever you could say terpene confidently.

02:40:59.000 Cannabinoid and all that shit.

02:41:01.000 Terpenes are what you smell.

02:41:04.000 Large, diverse class of organic compounds produced by plants, insects, strong odor, may protect the plants.

02:41:13.000 So it's just a component of the plant.

02:41:15.000 Right, yeah.

02:41:16.000 Interesting.

02:41:16.000 So CBN is like that here.

02:41:20.000 Here it is.

02:41:21.000 I mean, it says it's good for the same stuff CBD is.

02:41:23.000 So CBN study benefits include pain relief, anti-insomnia, promote growth of bone cells, antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-convulsive, and appetite stimulant.

02:41:34.000 Very interesting.

02:41:35.000 So it sounds real similar to just THC or CBD. So just another cannabinoid?

02:41:44.000 Is that what it is?

02:41:45.000 Yeah, there's some new ones they're finding out too.

02:41:47.000 Like I've gotten THCA, which is not psychoactive.

02:41:51.000 And there's some other new ones.

02:41:54.000 The science is getting awesome right now.

02:41:57.000 It's great for you.

02:41:59.000 CBD is fucking great for you.

02:42:02.000 It really is.

02:42:02.000 It's great for you.

02:42:03.000 It really is.

02:42:04.000 I feel the difference.

02:42:05.000 And I don't see any downside.

02:42:07.000 I'm not seeing it.

02:42:08.000 I'm looking for it.

02:42:10.000 Right?

02:42:10.000 I'm trying to find out, is there something this stuff does to you?

02:42:12.000 Like, see, just Google, what are the negative effects of CBD? I've never heard of any.

02:42:19.000 Have you?

02:42:20.000 I haven't looked for them, though.

02:42:21.000 I'll tell you what.

02:42:22.000 I've been using CBD cream.

02:42:24.000 Oh, it's amazing.

02:42:25.000 Instead of cream.

02:42:26.000 Yeah.

02:42:26.000 Just on my legs.

02:42:27.000 Yeah.

02:42:28.000 I went to Vegas and I had it and my skin got dry.

02:42:30.000 I went somewhere and I was like, let me start using this.

02:42:33.000 I'm done.

02:42:35.000 Side effects include nausea, fatigue, and irritability.

02:42:38.000 Nah, I doubt it.

02:42:40.000 I think you're just talking to pussies.

02:42:44.000 Yeah, I blame it on that CBD, man.

02:42:47.000 It made me have fatigue.

02:42:49.000 I was irritable because of CBD. Yeah, but you know what?

02:42:54.000 You should have a little fatigue at night.

02:42:57.000 If you take, like, more than a thousand milligrams of CBD at night when you get home, if you work out, if you legitimately have an injury, like, I know it rests the fuck out of me at night.

02:43:11.000 Like, I like all that shit.

02:43:13.000 I'd rather take that shit than hit opioids, like at this point in my life.

02:43:18.000 All that Xanax, Ambien, the Ambien makes you do crazy shit, and the Xanax makes you get addicted and makes you say crazy shit, too.

02:43:29.000 It makes you say, do dumb shit at night and make crazy shit, too.

02:43:34.000 You know what?

02:43:35.000 With these, every once in a while I go off the deep end, I'll make a Race is common or something late at night, but I can live with that.

02:43:42.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:43:43.000 I can live with that.

02:43:45.000 Ambien doesn't...

02:43:46.000 You don't really sleep, though.

02:43:47.000 It just kind of puts you away for a little bit.

02:43:50.000 You don't go through a full sleep cycle, right?

02:43:52.000 Who was telling me...

02:43:53.000 Is that true?

02:43:53.000 You don't go through a full...

02:43:54.000 See what...

02:43:55.000 I want to make sure I'm getting this right.

02:43:57.000 Ambien doesn't allow you to go through a full REM sleep cycle.

02:44:00.000 Really?

02:44:01.000 I don't think so.

02:44:02.000 I think it's a different cycle.

02:44:04.000 Because when we had Matthew Walker, the sleep expert, when he was doing a very informative podcast.

02:44:10.000 The best.

02:44:11.000 And the one, listen, let me tell you something.

02:44:13.000 Your podcast from Monday the 9th of March or the 8th of March, that was the best podcast of the year.

02:44:22.000 Which one?

02:44:22.000 That's the one about, that one broke down the coronavirus.

02:44:25.000 Oh, that's this guy.

02:44:26.000 Monday.

02:44:26.000 Osterholm.

02:44:27.000 Osterholm, that was the best.

02:44:28.000 That's the one that put the fear of God into me.

02:44:31.000 That's the one that opened my eyes a little bit more why people were reacting to where they were.

02:44:37.000 Yeah.

02:44:39.000 Yeah, that was a wake-up call.

02:44:42.000 Wake-up call.

02:44:43.000 Big wake-up call.

02:44:44.000 What do we got?

02:44:46.000 Hard to find because I would also imagine that any negative effects would be zapped by the pill industry online to Google it.

02:44:54.000 Somebody says maybe at high dosages it might affect it but the very first thing I said it says effects of zolpidem which is Ambien had no effects on REM sleep.

02:45:04.000 Really?

02:45:06.000 Interesting.

02:45:07.000 That's not what Matthew Walker was saying.

02:45:09.000 No, I know that for a fact.

02:45:11.000 You don't go as deep as you're supposed to.

02:45:14.000 That you think you're supposed to go there, but you don't go as deep as you do.

02:45:18.000 Why don't we Google, does Ambien affect, do you get real sleep on Ambien?

02:45:22.000 How about that?

02:45:24.000 I mean, that's...

02:45:25.000 I have to dig through, like...

02:45:27.000 What would you like me to look, I guess?

02:45:29.000 That's a good question.

02:45:29.000 The very first things that come up are just, like, blogs about AMBN and, like, yes, I get sleep.

02:45:34.000 This is the very first thing.

02:45:35.000 I have to go through 12 pages, probably, of results.

02:45:38.000 Yeah, we'd have to figure it out.

02:45:40.000 You know what?

02:45:40.000 I need to talk to...

02:45:42.000 Well, I know that Matthew Walker was talking about the negative effects of it, but I need to talk to someone else and get, like, the...

02:45:51.000 Get the rap down.

02:45:53.000 Or just listen to what he said about it and just get the rap down.

02:45:56.000 Because I know there's something to it where it doesn't totally...

02:46:00.000 It's not the same as just sleeping eight hours without it.

02:46:03.000 You know, the same amount of recovery or something.

02:46:05.000 It just seems like any time you can take something, it just knocks you out.

02:46:09.000 Like...

02:46:10.000 A chemical just put you out.

02:46:13.000 It can't be good.

02:46:14.000 It can't be good for there's a chemical you take that crashes you.

02:46:18.000 That's not good.

02:46:19.000 You're going to recover once you crash, but you've done something very strange.

02:46:24.000 You've taken something that shuts you off.

02:46:26.000 Just to me, when I'm up, I'm up.

02:46:32.000 Am I up?

02:46:33.000 Oh, okay.

02:46:34.000 Well, I'll get up.

02:46:34.000 And then when I'm tired, I'll lay down.

02:46:36.000 I'm not taking anything.

02:46:38.000 And people are like, well, I need it for work.

02:46:40.000 Okay.

02:46:41.000 I get it.

02:46:43.000 You need it.

02:46:44.000 It just seems to me that if you want to be healthier, taking something that just makes you go to sleep is not the answer.

02:46:52.000 Yeah, it's one thing if it's a natural alternative that just relaxes you in a lap, but something that knocks you the fuck out and when you wake up you're in a gunfight with the cops.

02:47:01.000 Because that's what Ambien does.

02:47:03.000 Kevin James woke up in the middle.

02:47:05.000 I talked about it on one of my specials.

02:47:06.000 He made a fucking turkey.

02:47:08.000 Went to the grocery store.

02:47:10.000 He made food.

02:47:11.000 And people came home and they're like, what the fuck?

02:47:14.000 He's like, someone broke into the house.

02:47:17.000 He went to the supermarket and bought food and made a meal.

02:47:22.000 And he thought that someone broke into his house and cooked.

02:47:26.000 You know how scary that is?

02:47:29.000 Dude, people are in the middle of a drive on the highway.

02:47:32.000 They wake up.

02:47:33.000 They have no idea how they got there.

02:47:35.000 They have no idea.

02:47:37.000 Some people, when they're on Ambien, they just Ambien walk.

02:47:40.000 They do all kinds of wacky shit.

02:47:43.000 I think people have committed murders when they're on Ambien.

02:47:47.000 I think there was a guy...

02:47:48.000 See if that's true.

02:47:50.000 So, Matthew Walker says that you're not getting the restorative benefits of sleep from it.

02:47:56.000 Yeah, there you go.

02:47:58.000 You're not getting true sleep.

02:48:00.000 They switch off the top of your cortex, the top of your brain, you explain in your magazine, and put you in a state of unconsciousness.

02:48:06.000 That's not sleep, that's cryogenics.

02:48:08.000 According to Walker, the sleeping pill of sleep does not have the same restorative powers.

02:48:12.000 There you go.

02:48:13.000 From immune boosting to emotional resilience.

02:48:15.000 So, of course, the other stuff that you read was SHILLS by the pill industry trying to fill up the Google search.

02:48:23.000 Folks, stay up.

02:48:24.000 When you're tired, go to bed.

02:48:26.000 My advice to you.

02:48:28.000 That's all you could do.

02:48:29.000 You know when they didn't need sleeping pills?

02:48:31.000 Back in the fucking pioneer days.

02:48:33.000 You take a wagon across the country and fight off Indians all day.

02:48:36.000 You could just go to sleep, man.

02:48:38.000 You could just sleep.

02:48:39.000 You're tired.

02:48:40.000 Dig ditches all day.

02:48:41.000 You're exhausted.

02:48:42.000 I've always used Reefer to sleep early on.

02:48:45.000 Pull this thing into you.

02:48:46.000 I've always used Reefer to sleep, A. And B, I've always used Reefer to slow me down a little bit.

02:48:53.000 I know for a fact...

02:48:55.000 It always slowed me down.

02:48:57.000 My mind has always been fucked up like that.

02:49:02.000 They should have treated it with something early on.

02:49:06.000 They didn't catch it.

02:49:07.000 They didn't know it existed.

02:49:09.000 Now I know how to calm myself down.

02:49:11.000 Self-medicate.

02:49:13.000 I know how to smoke the reefer.

02:49:15.000 I really dig the meditation the last two weeks.

02:49:19.000 I saw where it took me from, where I was at, to where it took me from.

02:49:24.000 It helped me do the main thing, which is accept.

02:49:28.000 Acceptance is the main thing in this whole thing that's going on right now.

02:49:32.000 Once you accept it, you'll lose 30 pounds of weight.

02:49:36.000 You're going to live 20 more years.

02:49:39.000 Accepting this, that you didn't fuck up and nobody around you fucked up.

02:49:43.000 You didn't fuck up, Joe.

02:49:45.000 This is just, didn't fuck up because I shot somebody at the store or I acted bad at the store.

02:49:50.000 This has nothing to do with us.

02:49:51.000 You know, this is something from life.

02:49:54.000 We will all bounce back from this.

02:49:57.000 Might be a year.

02:49:58.000 Might take two.

02:49:59.000 Might take six months.

02:50:01.000 You don't know what's going to happen.

02:50:02.000 I know that it's going to change people's lives for the better.

02:50:05.000 People are going to go, you know what?

02:50:08.000 I didn't want to work in a fucking office anyway.

02:50:11.000 You know what?

02:50:12.000 This is going to make people think from outside the box, which is something they needed.

02:50:17.000 So there's both negative and positive from this whole situation.

02:50:21.000 How it works for you is up to you.

02:50:24.000 How it works for you, it's all gonna be up to you, G. Well, every time there's a moment of adversity, you can recover from that adversity.

02:50:34.000 If you can recover from that adversity, you have an opportunity to grow.

02:50:37.000 It's always there.

02:50:38.000 What was the quote that Rafael Lovato quoted that inside every seed of adversity is a seed of an equivalent benefit?

02:50:52.000 Who is that?

02:50:53.000 Think and Grow Rich?

02:50:54.000 What is that guy's name again?

02:50:58.000 God damn it.

02:50:59.000 This weed in your memory.

02:51:02.000 I'm not being 50 fucking.

02:51:04.000 Yes, Napoleon Hill's book.

02:51:06.000 Very interesting book.

02:51:08.000 Raphael Lovato Jr., he loves that book.

02:51:10.000 That book to him is like, that's like his, one of his motivational books.

02:51:18.000 Joey Diaz, let's wrap this up.

02:51:20.000 We're three hours in.

02:51:21.000 It's always great to see you.

02:51:22.000 I'm glad we got a chance to do this.

02:51:24.000 Jamie, great to see you, brother.

02:51:25.000 I know Jamie's dying.

02:51:27.000 There's no sports.

02:51:28.000 I've been thinking about him a lot lately.

02:51:30.000 What are they doing?

02:51:31.000 Are they going to just put everything aside for a little bit?

02:51:33.000 People are betting on the weather right now.

02:51:36.000 NASCAR is doing a virtual league this weekend.

02:51:39.000 They're starting up with some past drivers and whatnot.

02:51:42.000 Oh my god, virtually.

02:51:42.000 Right now everything is on hold.

02:51:44.000 Oh my god.

02:51:46.000 You know what I was thinking of doing like some old, oh my god, I watched something really good the other night.

02:51:51.000 What?

02:51:52.000 Fucking UFC Unleashed came through for Uncle Joey.

02:51:55.000 They showed all three Chuck Randy fights.

02:51:59.000 Right back to another.

02:52:01.000 Very interesting.

02:52:02.000 Wow.

02:52:02.000 You know, Chuck going in there, not training, taking a light, getting fucking lit.

02:52:08.000 Yeah, Randy took him down.

02:52:09.000 He fucking mounted him and shit.

02:52:10.000 Stopped him.

02:52:11.000 And then him coming back, catching him with that shirt right, and then him coming back again.

02:52:16.000 That's been great.

02:52:17.000 I wish you could narrate him.

02:52:19.000 Like, the other day I was like, why can't he fucking...

02:52:22.000 I should call him.

02:52:25.000 We should go up there and do it.

02:52:26.000 You know when you and Eddie get together and do that?

02:52:28.000 Because even though...

02:52:30.000 Fight companion.

02:52:30.000 That's great.

02:52:31.000 Right now to get, like, old fights and put them up and go.

02:52:33.000 It's not a bad idea.

02:52:34.000 No, my God!

02:52:35.000 This is the time to do it!

02:52:36.000 We should have a fight companion for old pride fights.

02:52:39.000 Like, get some of the pride grand prix cards.

02:52:40.000 Yeah, because I have no knowledge on them.

02:52:42.000 That's what we should do.

02:52:43.000 Like, I love to go get schooled on...

02:52:47.000 Overeem in the beginning.

02:52:49.000 The Japanese guy?

02:52:51.000 Which one?

02:52:52.000 The one that you- Sakuraba?

02:52:54.000 Sakuraba.

02:52:54.000 And then O'Gara Brothers over there.

02:52:57.000 That's the education I need next.

02:52:59.000 Yeah, that's a great idea.

02:53:00.000 A fight companion with some of those great old Pride cards?

02:53:04.000 Yeah, we'll pick out a card.

02:53:06.000 Pride Dynamite or some shit.

02:53:07.000 There's so many ones.

02:53:08.000 Like put together a card of just like top 10 fights.

02:53:12.000 Oh yeah, we could totally do that.

02:53:13.000 But the best way I think would be if we put it together where they could sync it up like the dark side of the moon and then watch the whole card with us.

02:53:21.000 So we're going to press play right now.

02:53:23.000 It's starting.

02:53:24.000 Here's the first round in three, two, you know, like that.

02:53:27.000 Just like we do with a regular fight.

02:53:28.000 So they could be synced up so they're watching it with us.

02:53:32.000 Yeah, UFC came through last week.

02:53:34.000 It's a great idea.

02:53:35.000 Diaz, they had McGregor.

02:53:37.000 They had everybody on, both fights.

02:53:39.000 They ended up with Khabib, Diaz.

02:53:43.000 Didn't ESPN have something like 11 hours of fights?

02:53:45.000 Yes, yes.

02:53:46.000 They ended up with Khabib, Conor McGregor.

02:53:47.000 Here's the thing about UFC fights, for some strange reason, and I'm not sure why, they're as entertaining to watch the second time as anything I've ever seen ever.

02:53:58.000 Anything I've ever watched.

02:53:59.000 I still have Diaz-McGregor on my pay-per-view.

02:54:02.000 And Khabib McGregor.

02:54:04.000 Dude, I've watched Zhang Weili and Ioannion Jacek.

02:54:08.000 I've watched that five times.

02:54:09.000 No, you haven't.

02:54:10.000 Yes, I have.

02:54:11.000 I've watched it on my TV at home.

02:54:12.000 Fuck you.

02:54:13.000 That's like watching Uncut Gems.

02:54:15.000 It's so good.

02:54:15.000 And even better.

02:54:16.000 That was so good.

02:54:17.000 That was so nerve-wracking.

02:54:19.000 That fight was so crazy.

02:54:20.000 I watched that fight a gang of times.

02:54:22.000 I watched the Stylebender-Yoel Romero fight at least two times.

02:54:27.000 I watched John Jones-Tiago Alves.

02:54:30.000 I watched that...

02:54:31.000 I mean, Tiago...

02:54:33.000 Tiago...

02:54:34.000 Paulo, whatever.

02:54:36.000 No, no, no, no.

02:54:37.000 Tiago Santos.

02:54:38.000 Jesus Christ.

02:54:39.000 Tiago Alves is a welterweight.

02:54:42.000 Weed!

02:54:42.000 I blame the weed!

02:54:44.000 But I watched that a bunch of times.

02:54:45.000 I watched the Dominic Reyes fight a bunch of times.

02:54:47.000 I watched that fight at least four or five times.

02:54:50.000 I watched that fight with a fine-tooth comb, and I don't know.

02:54:53.000 I still can't call it.

02:54:55.000 Anybody who says that this guy won or that guy won in that fight, that's open to interpretation.

02:54:59.000 That third round is open to interpretation.

02:55:02.000 No question, Dominic Reyes won the first two.

02:55:05.000 No question, Jon Jones won the last two.

02:55:07.000 It's that third round.

02:55:09.000 That third round, I was like, oof.

02:55:12.000 Can we make it even?

02:55:13.000 That seemed like, you know, it's hard to say.

02:55:16.000 That's a hard to say round.

02:55:18.000 I kind of lean towards maybe Dominic Reyes did enough to win that round, because I think he landed more volume in that round.

02:55:24.000 But John controlled the center of the octagon.

02:55:26.000 John was starting to put pressure on him.

02:55:29.000 John was starting to catch him.

02:55:31.000 Especially towards the end of the round, which I always, for whatever reason, score higher.

02:55:35.000 The end of the round to me is like, this is when shit's starting to change.

02:55:38.000 And then one person might have got a relief from the bell, or the other person was gaining an advantage.

02:55:43.000 That's what it seemed like at the end of round three.

02:55:45.000 It seemed like John was starting to gain an advantage.

02:55:46.000 I haven't watched it again.

02:55:49.000 It's good.

02:55:50.000 It's a good fight, man.

02:55:51.000 Dominic Reyes is a bad motherfucker.

02:55:53.000 He put on a show.

02:55:55.000 You think about what he did and how calm he stayed in front of the GOAT. The guy was beating everybody.

02:56:00.000 Jon Jones has beaten everybody.

02:56:02.000 And Dominic Reyes put it to him.

02:56:05.000 Got it so close that there's a real argument that he might have done enough to win the decision.

02:56:11.000 I don't necessarily agree with that argument.

02:56:13.000 I think I almost kind of agree with a draw, if people saw the draw.

02:56:18.000 I could almost see that third round being a draw.

02:56:20.000 But I like John winning because John was stronger in the fourth and fifth rounds.

02:56:26.000 I think it means more.

02:56:27.000 I think it should mean more.

02:56:28.000 I know it doesn't, but it should.

02:56:30.000 It's like the fight was going his way.

02:56:32.000 He was starting to take over.

02:56:34.000 That's what you want to see.

02:56:36.000 You want to see the guy who was trying to chase the other guy down and beat on him at the end of the fight.

02:56:41.000 Who's doing that at the end of the fight?

02:56:43.000 Well, the end of the fight was Jon Jones.

02:56:44.000 But still, impressive.

02:56:48.000 But you gotta think, the Thiago Silva, not Thiago Silva, Thiago Santos fight, Jesus Christ.

02:56:54.000 Thiago Silva was another bad motherfucker from Brazil.

02:56:56.000 But the Thiago Santos fight was a split decision.

02:56:59.000 People forget that.

02:57:00.000 I mean, I don't necessarily agree that there was a split decision.

02:57:03.000 I thought John won.

02:57:04.000 But it was close enough that one judge disagreed.

02:57:08.000 You know, one judge, incompetent or competent, you beat a judge, gave it to Thiago Santos.

02:57:14.000 And, you know, Tiago Santos put on a hell of a show.

02:57:16.000 It was an amazing fight.

02:57:18.000 But, you know, John's still the greatest of all time.

02:57:22.000 If you look at all the guys that he'd beaten, Anthony Smith, OSP, Leota Machida, Rashad Evans, just go down the line, Rampage Jackson, just go down the line, Vitor Belfort, just go on the line, everybody, John beats everybody, Daniel Cormier twice, stopped him the second time.

02:57:37.000 John beats everybody.

02:57:38.000 John beats everybody.

02:57:41.000 So for Dominic Reyes to put on a show like that?

02:57:44.000 See, this is why this coronavirus is so fucked up for MMA. A, that people can catch it and get sick, and their loved ones can catch it and get sick, of course.

02:57:54.000 But B, goddamn, there's some good fights that need to be made.

02:57:58.000 And how are they going to make them?

02:57:59.000 What are they going to do?

02:58:00.000 Tyson Fury, they're pushing Tyson Fury and Wilder 3. They're pushing it back.

02:58:06.000 They have to.

02:58:07.000 They don't know what to do.

02:58:08.000 I think they're going to try to push it back to July or something, right?

02:58:10.000 The fall?

02:58:11.000 That's right, it was in July.

02:58:13.000 That's right.

02:58:13.000 I was going to Vegas in July.

02:58:18.000 There's a fight in Vegas in July.

02:58:20.000 I'm supposed to be at the Park Theater.

02:58:23.000 Where?

02:58:23.000 In July, in Vegas.

02:58:25.000 You are?

02:58:25.000 The day before the fight, yeah.

02:58:28.000 The one that's next to the MGM? I'm at that place.

02:58:30.000 That place where they do the weigh-ins?

02:58:33.000 Who knows if I'll be able to even do that?

02:58:35.000 I don't know.

02:58:36.000 I mean, Max Holloway said it best.

02:58:39.000 It is what it is.

02:58:42.000 Let's get the fuck out of here.

02:58:43.000 He's right.

02:58:43.000 It is what it is.

02:58:44.000 Hey, we love you people.

02:58:45.000 I love you guys.

02:58:46.000 We do.

02:58:46.000 Thank you for tuning in.

02:58:47.000 I feel like one of the cool things about this, about being able to do podcasts this week with Bird and Tom and you, it's like...

02:58:54.000 Our community is still together.

02:58:56.000 We're still together.

02:58:58.000 We're still having fun together, and we want you guys to be connected to that.

02:59:03.000 That helps.

02:59:04.000 I mean, even if it's just an e-community or it's just a virtual community, it's still all of us that kind of vibe on these conversations and have a good time together, we're all in it together, including people listening.

02:59:19.000 You know, this is a weird thing that we're doing.

02:59:21.000 And we're not going to stop because of this virus.

02:59:24.000 If we have to do it from our house, if it gets so crazy they keep me in the house, we're going to do it.

02:59:29.000 We'll hook it up with some sort of cameras.

02:59:31.000 We'll make it happen.

02:59:32.000 We're going to make it happen.

02:59:33.000 We're here for you.

02:59:34.000 We got you, cocksuckers.

02:59:36.000 We got you.

02:59:36.000 Stay black.

02:59:37.000 We love you.

02:59:37.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 26, 2020

Joe Rogan Experience #1448 - Joey Diaz

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