Greg and Greg talk about peeing in the bath, egg drop soup floating in the shower, and the horrors of peeing on your pants while showering. Plus, a story about a group of guys in the woods that pee on each other and the horror that is peeing and pooing on someone else's pants. And the weirdest thing, a guy who peed on his pants when he was a kid and it wasn't even his fault. This episode is brought to you by Bathroom Breakout, a podcast about bath toys, shower toys, and other bath toys. To find a list of our sponsors and show-related promo codes, go to gimletail.fm/OurAdvertisers Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The 500 is a production of Native Creative Podcasts. All rights reserved. Used w/ permission from Native Creative Commons and Native Creative. If you like what you hear, please leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and we'll make sure to include it in future episodes. Thank you! Thank you so much for all the support and share the podcast with your friends, family, family and the Native Creative community. We're working on a new ad-free version of this podcast, "Native Creative Podcast" by Native Creative, and we're looking out for your support and support in the future episodes, too! Subscribe, rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast, and review the podcast on Anchor, and send us your thoughts and shout us out! and your thoughts on the podcast reviews and reviews on social media! We'll also be looking out there on the next episode is a big thank you're listening to this podcast! in the next one, too, and your comments are also getting a shoutout on the pod is amazing! -Podcasts! P.S. is going to be out next week! . PODCAST is a new episode is out on Tuesday, February 15th, February 28th, 2019 and the first full episode will be out on Monday, March 5th, 2020, 2020 on the 6/6/19th, so don't forget to subscribe to us on Podchick so don t forget to be sure to check us out on Insta: ,
00:03:23.000We were out in the woods and we were at a fort.
00:03:27.000We had this fort when we were teenagers.
00:03:29.000We were like 13 and we were already drinking and smoking a lot of pot when we were like 13. And we were in this fort and we all got shit-faced and then my friend just pulled his dick out and he started peeing on all of us.
00:03:45.000And I remember having to go home that night.
00:06:36.000The thing that happens with chickens where they'll be convinced that they have laid a viable egg, like they've been bred with, it's kind of sad, really.
00:06:49.000And they pluck all their feathers out and nothing ever happens.
00:06:54.000No egg ever comes and turns into a chick because they're not being impregnated by roosters.
00:06:59.000Which, by the way, I didn't know until I was 40. And I was like, oh yeah, of course, duh.
00:07:04.000I didn't know that until I was 40. Anyway, you have to take them out of the regular population and put them in a smaller coop where they have to sit up on their feet.
00:07:12.000And you do it for a few days and they get over it.
00:07:14.000If you don't, They'll continue to pull their feathers out for like a whole cycle, and they'll do it for like 28, 30 days.
00:10:37.000There's a really, really interesting guy out of Stanford, Professor Robert Sapolsky.
00:10:46.000And we were really fortunate enough to get him to talk on the podcast about a bunch of different things, one of them being parasites that control behavior of certain animals and cats and stuff called toxoplasmosis.
00:10:59.000But another thing is that he studied baboons.
00:11:01.000For like a long time, like years, he studied the same pack.
00:11:04.000He would go back to Africa and study these same baboons over and over again.
00:11:07.000And while he was studying them, there was a case where a really crazy thing had happened where poison food had gotten into the dump.
00:11:15.000And these baboons had eaten the poison food.
00:11:18.000And because the alphas always ate first, they got the poison food and they died off.
00:11:24.000And something like that, I hope I'm not fucking this up, but there was some sort of a shift because of eating poisoned food where the really aggressive males were gone.
00:11:34.000And then the males just started like grooming each other and hanging out.
00:13:00.000Well, we became this new thing because we adapted, right?
00:13:04.000Something happened, there was natural selection, there was random mutations, and then boom, human being in 2020. But that doesn't mean this is the same thing as a human being in 3,020, or 4,020, or 10,020.
00:13:17.000We might be turning into a totally different thing, and it seems like we are to me.
00:13:21.000I mean, if you just look at the difference between, like this, this dope-ass chimpanzee skull that...
00:14:39.000I think they think they did, because I think they think that the larger brain, if I remember correctly, was connected to the mass of the bodies.
00:16:11.000If you think about, you know, God willing, this species goes forward, as far as you say, 10,000.
00:16:18.000I mean, can you imagine in the year 10,000?
00:16:21.000It's almost like when you look at all those movies like E.T. or any of those...
00:16:26.000It's always a bigger head, a smaller body, and big fingers, because it's just a fucking keyboard.
00:16:33.000I mean, you think about it, when E.T. was made, there wasn't even really computers being used on a regular basis at that point, but they sort of figured out that's what it's going to be.
00:16:42.000Do you remember that Matthew Broderick movie, War Games?
00:18:34.000Kay Ivey said during a news conference on Thursday she would not issue a shelter-in-place order that 21 other states have enacted to prevent further spread of COVID-19.
00:20:16.000And it's all about the Comanches and the Comanche Indians.
00:20:20.000The Texas Rangers, which were created to try to combat the Comanches.
00:20:23.000This guy moved to Texas and started reading up on the history of American Indian and settler combat and all the different crazy shit that went on during those days.
00:23:06.000And then you think about these immigrants that are coming to this country.
00:23:08.000It's like, you know, there was a time where we really did honor the idea that if you were a refugee from a war-torn country whose life was in danger, that was a reason to get into this country.
00:23:19.000And it's very hard for them to figure out at the border who's who and who's telling what story.
00:23:25.000But, you know, you go to a lot of places in, you know, El Salvador, Nicaragua.
00:23:31.000I mean, they are literally fleeing for their lives when they leave their towns.
00:25:09.000It's almost like on a micro level, you can look at your own family for a lot of people.
00:25:13.000Like I know with me, it's like I'm on the road more than I probably want to be sometimes because I'm always like, I got a kid in college, I got to save money.
00:25:23.000And now that I'm not working at all for possibly a long fucking time, and comedians, we're going to be one of the last people back in the workforce because it's going to demand that people trust getting back into groups again.
00:25:35.000I refuse to let you call it the workforce, us being a part of the workforce.
00:28:51.000That doesn't seem to be affecting me at all.
00:28:54.000I guess maybe because I've been able to do the podcast still, but also because I'm one of those people that I very highly value recognizing the reality of the moment.
00:29:35.000If this really is this temporary existence, am I doing it in the most pleasurable way, the most enjoyable way, the most fulfilling and loving way?
00:29:46.000Or am I just doing this the way I've been doing it because I'm on this momentum kick of you're constantly doing more and constantly doing bigger places and constantly traveling?
00:30:55.000I always feel like apartments are really lonely, which is a weird feeling, right, to have when you're looking at something that has thousands of people living in one structure or hundreds of people or whatever the number might be.
00:31:06.000But I remember living in apartment buildings.
00:33:52.000There's some rough moments in it where you watch and you go, whoa, you could never do this in 2020. It's one of those movies like if somebody ever goes back on it and looks like, hey, what the fuck?
00:34:02.000But ultimately, in the end, it was like a really positive movie.
00:34:05.000But dude, there are hilarious moments in that movie where I'm like, wow, this is really fucking funny.
00:34:44.000It starts off, you're like, oh, is this going to be good?
00:34:46.000Because, you know, it's 20 years ago or whatever the fuck it was.
00:34:49.000Well, it's like, I don't know, did people watch Laurel and Hardy back then and go like, oh, this is fucking, did it all get dismissed as being too silly?
00:34:57.000It's like, no, those guys now, you know, they accomplished something.
00:40:25.000When you see the character navigate certain perils and bad situations, you're kind of seeing it like, oh, what is her response going to be to this?
00:40:33.000Because you know that she's playing this character.
00:40:58.000There's movies where that, like thriller movies where that happens, where you don't know how someone's going to escape, if they're going to escape, if someone's waiting for them, some shit's about to go down.
00:41:28.000Dude, the way they shot that where you're convinced that she's going to one place and then the FBI is going to another place, and you're convinced the FBI has got the killer.
00:41:41.000And they've got their guns drawn, they storm the house, and in a quick cut, they go from them busting into the house...
00:41:50.000The killer's not in there, to write back to her, and you suddenly realize, oh no, she's about to walk in on the killer.
00:41:57.000That's one of the greatest fucking moments in movie history.
00:48:40.000And that's where they were living when I came to visit them.
00:48:44.000And so people don't realize, like, you go to an Italian restaurant in LA, it's like, there's some really good ones, but it's just, you can go to a fucking, you go to Route 7 in New Jersey and find a little Angelina's fucking restaurant and it'll be the best Italian food you've ever had.
00:48:59.000Yeah, you can get some ridiculous Italian-American food.
00:49:07.000You know, and when you go to Italy, things are, it's just, a lot of the things we associate with Italian food, like the marinara sauce and the meatballs and that kind of stuff, that was more made popular over here.
00:49:21.000Like that style of Italian food, like lasagnas and shit like that, that we consider like Italian food, a lot of that was like made popular over here.
00:49:28.000When you go over there, things are more elegant.
00:49:30.000You know, having like linguine with clams and it's a perfect presentation.
00:49:34.000You're going to these nice restaurants and Even the pizza seems different over there.
00:49:38.000But Italian-Americans, it was a different breed because it was the psychos that wanted to get on boats.
00:50:39.000When you think about how bad life must have sucked in Italy and in Ireland at the time, and in England as well, that people were willing to just hop on a boat and take a risk.
00:51:33.000You know, that was one of the things that Dr. Peter Hotez was on the podcast yesterday.
00:51:39.000He was explaining quarantine, and he was saying that essentially when a boat would come into a harbor, the word quarantine came from 40 days.
00:51:46.000They had to leave these people on the boat for 40 days to make sure they weren't infected with the plague.
00:51:53.000So that's how they handled it back then.
00:53:11.000So this would be, I typed in injections with corpses, nothing quite came up right away, like on wagons, you said, or something like that?
00:53:18.000Yeah, I remember watching, HBO did this special about John Adams in Boston, and there was a scene from it where they were going through town with a wagon with a corpse in it, shooting people.
00:54:43.000Dude, whenever I think about old school doctors, I think about the scene in The Wolfman with Benicio Del Toro, where they were running exams on him in one of those medical theaters.
00:58:02.000It's about this blind woman, and she's going through customs, and somebody like sticks heroin in her luggage, so she brings it home, and now they've got to go and get the heroin from her.
00:58:17.000And so she's blind and she lives alone, and so they sneak into her apartment, and it's all about her trying to defend herself.
01:00:36.000Well, there was another guy that died recently on a bus that they identified as having a completely different coronavirus in China, but he got a virus that specifically hasn't jumped from human to human.
01:08:05.000When I was a teenager, we used to go to this golf course and we would look for golf balls in the woods and then we would sell them back to the pro shop for like 50 cents a ball.
01:08:15.000And then we realized like the ponds, everybody was hitting their fucking balls into the lakes and the ponds and so we would go We'd go in bathing suits and you would step and it would go like up to your knees in silt, just mud.
01:08:28.000And you would feel around with your feet for the balls and you'd reach down and pull them up and you could get dozens of balls just walking around.
01:08:36.000And then we'd get out and we'd have fucking leeches all over our calves.
01:08:41.000And we would just take alcohol, put it on and yank them off.
01:08:45.000And you're a teenager, you don't give a shit.
01:09:47.000They've done these studies on deer and all these different mammals and all these different things, and the populations are Ridiculously reduced.
01:10:23.000And if you made it valuable, you fucking knuckleheads, people would go in there and kill those fucking things and bring the natural ecosystem back into balance.
01:12:58.000And humans have to extract it because it's destroying everything.
01:13:01.000That has crazy consequences that they never know 10, 20 years down the line what it's going to be like after these pythons just completely ruin that entire part of the country.
01:14:04.000It just dislocates its jaw, and this thing is still alive.
01:14:08.000So this poor little alligator is trying to figure out what the fuck is happening, and it's breathing, and this python is slowly swallowing it whole.
01:14:18.000Now imagine what it would do to your little Timmy.
01:14:23.000Imagine if that thing trapped your son, if your son was out there fishing, And all his friends ran away because they were terrified because a 20-foot-long snake is eating their friend.
01:14:35.000Well, we better not make a bag out of it.
01:14:38.000We better not, because pythons are beautiful and we're not speciesists.
01:16:25.000Gruesome footage has been circulating on social media in Indonesia showing the woman's body being recovered intact in front of a large crowd.
01:16:47.000There's certain companies that are reacting to this push against what they call exotics, like crocodile and alligator and python, things like that.
01:16:59.000And so certain companies are no longer making things with exotics to sort of bend to political pressure or pressure by, you know, air quotes, activists.
01:17:16.000I'm not saying you should kill them all.
01:17:17.000You definitely shouldn't kill them all.
01:17:18.000But the idea you shouldn't kill most of the fucking snakes that are invasive species in Florida and sell them and make purses out of them, why?
01:17:26.000Dude, how bad would a python jacket be?
01:18:26.000They go feral all throughout Australia.
01:18:29.000And there's other places they go feral too, but they call them scrub bulls.
01:18:33.000And think about how aggressive bulls are, right?
01:18:37.000That's why it's fun to ride them when people like to grab ahold of them because they're just fucking going crazy and trying to get rid of you and trying to smash you.
01:20:08.000That should be the next show, is like an Anthony Bourdain, but you go to places with invasive animals, kill them, cook them, eat them, wear them.
01:21:44.000And they used to, at one point in time, be domestic, you know, who knows how many years ago.
01:21:47.000And they eventually got out and formed their own little pack, got together, I guess herd, I guess you would call them a herd, got together, did a lot of fucking, and made a bunch of other wild cows.
01:21:58.000Look at that one in the lower left-hand corner, Jamie.
01:27:42.000I saw this little kind of sparrow-looking bird and he was standing like against the side window of a car and he kept launching himself at the side view mirror again and again.
01:30:31.000Imagine if you did that to a guy and you were holding him down with your feet and with your hands you just pulled his head off with your teeth and just chewed through the side of his neck to hold it under his head.
01:30:40.000And that's sitting on some guy's roof.
01:31:16.000And in the driveway, I came home, and there was a possum, a baby possum, on the driveway.
01:31:25.000It was near dead, and there was this giant fucking black crow, and he was pecking at the possum.
01:31:33.000I don't know what human instinct made me jump in there and break it up.
01:31:39.000And so I'm chasing the crow away, and then I tell my son to go get a shoebox inside so I can scoop up the possum, and the crow is not having it.
01:32:45.000If you gave, like, a Muay Thai fighter, like, a guy who could really kick and he kicked a turkey's neck, I think you'd fuck that turkey up.
01:34:36.000A pterodactyl petrosaur from the late Cretaceous of North America.
01:34:41.000Largest known flying animal to have ever lived.
01:34:44.000So that is like probably, they probably named it after Quetzalcoatl, which was the, see if you find that word, Quetzalcoatl, because I think that's what that was.
01:35:30.000Can you imagine if there was ancient human, you know, Neanderthals or whatever, Australopithecus, and you're looking up, you see a 35-foot bird.
01:37:16.000He grabs ahold of this sheep and pulls it off the side of this wall, and as it's going down, the eagle's hanging on, so the eagle hits the ground with it and bounces it, and oh my god, it's fucking madness.
01:39:20.000No, I think about, like, my friend had a parrot when I was a kid.
01:39:25.000Parrot or parakeet, I don't know, birds, but it scared the shit out of me.
01:39:29.000Like, I would reach into the cage just to, like, you know, you try to stick your finger in its belly so it steps on your finger, but it bites you instead.
01:39:35.000And I remember being a full-sized human being scared of this.
01:39:39.000Take that and expand it by a thousand.
01:41:48.000There's a fantastic documentary that BBC put out years ago about the Congo, and the shoebill lives in the Congo, and in the Congo the shoebill eats this fish that comes out of the land and then crawls across the land until it can find another pond and then slides into that pond.
01:42:54.000But because they've been in this, it used to, what they think is, at least parts of the Congo, that, if I don't, I hope I'm not fucking this up, but I believe what it was, was it used to be grasslands.
01:43:07.000And a lot of animals, they were like plains animals, were stuck in the Congo, in the rainforest, and they had to adapt.
01:43:15.000So you'll see these herds of ungulates running through the Congo, like these different kinds of antelopes running through the swampy waters.
01:45:50.000But there's spots in the world where, unfortunately, your civilization really never had a chance to get a foothold because it was always dealing with defense.
01:46:01.000There was not enough time to relax to really build up a good, stout civilization.
01:46:06.000Because everything was just about acquiring food and making sure you don't get eaten by crocodiles.
01:46:55.000And one thing that's happened is there's a giant uptick of people looking into hunting licenses and people watching videos on hunting and how to get started.
01:47:06.000A lot of people that are looking to buy plots of land and raise rabbits for food and raise chickens and raise pigs and there's a lot of videos that are popping up on YouTube now about homesteading where people are like, hey, how do we fucking avoid this?
01:47:18.000You buy a patch of land, you get a few families to chip in, you all build houses on that land or you buy houses that are close enough to each other that you could share land and you fucking grow food.
01:48:29.000But the thing is about rebuilding, we've talked about this, when you rebuild the shelter, the chicken shelter, and put new chickens in there, now you're a target.
01:48:40.000Like, they know where meat is, and they know a bonanza of meat.
01:48:44.000They ate nine chickens in one day, in one sitting.
01:49:08.000It's like if you're going to have coyotes targeting your house, like looking at your house as a source of food, if you're doing that by keeping chickens, you're going to have more coyote interactions.
01:49:21.000And either you're cool with that or you're kind of creeped out by it.
01:50:23.000It's cool to hear them at night, but I don't want them thinking of my animals and my dog or my cat or anything like that as a food source, because that's what they do.
01:50:32.000Sounds like you cared about these chickens.
01:52:05.000Especially the toilet paper thing became totally random.
01:52:08.000It's like one asshole filled up his shopping cart with toilet paper, and then somebody saw him do that, and somebody else saw him do that, and they all just decided it was a panic on toilet paper.
01:54:14.000Well, this article in The Atlantic was really disturbing where they were saying that if the people that are going in to find out if they have COVID, they can't even give them—this was in New York—they couldn't even give them a test because they didn't meet a certain criteria.
01:54:26.000And if they didn't have it before, they definitely have it now.
01:56:35.000And at the same time, Tiger King becomes the number one show in the world.
01:56:41.000At the same time, a documentary on wild tigers that are in captivity at this crazy dude's place, who's married to two other crazy dudes, who's in a battle with this lady who might have fed her ex-husband to tigers.
01:56:54.000Alright, don't tell me I haven't seen it yet.
01:57:11.000Bro, if you have a husband that's a millionaire and you raised tigers and then that guy disappears and no one knows where he is, if that happens, I think people should be suspicious.
02:01:47.000I was talking to him on the phone yesterday, and he's like, he's like, dog, you think you're going to be playing the funny bone in St. Louis?
02:02:46.000This has come up about four different times, and every time, I forget whether or not the statistic is bullshit, but I think they think half of all the people have died ever.
02:03:24.000I don't remember exactly how he initially made his trip over to the Congo, but he fell in love with these pygmy people and started helping them, trying to figure out how to get them wells built and fresh water, because a lot of their problems were these diseases that we're getting from pathogens in the water.
02:03:42.000Because they're just stagnant water, no way to fix it.
02:03:45.000And so he developed this charity, Fight for the Forgotten, and started going back and forth over there.
02:03:50.000But in the meantime, he's gotten malaria three different times.
02:03:54.000One time he got sick and the malaria came back.
02:03:56.000So it was like, it wasn't even, I'm pretty sure he doesn't even think he was reinfected.
02:04:01.000He thinks it rekindled inside of his body when he got sick.
02:04:04.000His immune system was down and there was like a hint of malaria still in his body and it reignited.
02:04:12.000That's what fucked me up too, paying attention to this.
02:04:14.000We have viruses all the time in our body that are just kind of duking it out.
02:04:57.000That's something they've talked about doing, is engineering some new kind of mosquito that doesn't breed, or some mosquito that kills other mosquitoes, or something along those lines.
02:05:09.000They've had a couple of different things that they've tried to figure out how to do.
02:05:12.000But the problem is, once you do that, You know, you let that cat out of the bag.
02:07:23.000But for a long time they couldn't give blood because the idea would be that you still have these prions in your system.
02:07:28.000They took these surgical instruments that they used on patients who died of mad cow disease and they ran these surgical instruments through these sanitization machines.
02:08:20.000Who's a biologist, who's explained, and a wildlife expert, explained all of it to us.
02:08:26.000Like, what it is, how it's happened, how it's spread, it's spreading from deer, and to the end is horrific.
02:08:31.000We watched a video of one of them where they're wasting away and they're spitting...
02:08:35.000So this fluid that's coming out of their body is contaminated and then deer will come along and eat the leaves that have that prion on it and take it in and then it'll get chronic wasting disease and then it'll rot away and it's spitting out the stuff and then other deer eating it.
02:09:04.000But there's a giant difference between something that Idris Elba gets and shows no weaknesses, shows no symptoms rather, or Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson get it and they get over it.
02:09:14.000It's rough, but they get over it and they survive.
02:09:39.000And it's like right now, it's like this like silent thing that they're just keeping an eye on and it's spreading across the country and people don't know.
02:09:45.000Like there's places where people have stopped eating deer meat.
02:09:49.000We have to bring the deer in, like Wisconsin, where my friend Doug lives, where they bring the deer in, they have to test them.
02:09:54.000Before you can eat this deer, you have to test it for CWD. And the thing is, it hasn't made the jump to people, but who's going to take that risk?
02:10:04.000You're going to eat this deer sausage that came from a deer that has CWD, but it's never made the jump to people, so have the sausage.
02:10:16.000Because a lot of times they're positive for like a year.
02:10:18.000So they're running around like looking like a regular deer and you shoot it and you cook it and eat it and you're eating the prions.
02:10:24.000They just don't affect your brain yet.
02:10:27.000About 7,000 to 15,000 animals infected with CWD are eaten each year.
02:10:33.000And that number could rise by 20% annually according to the Alliance for Public Wildlife, which Osterholm cited in his testimony.
02:10:41.000Scientists can't say for sure that CWD will cross over and infect humans, but as time goes on and more infected meat is consumed, the likelihood increases, Osterholm said.
02:10:55.000It's like a throw at the genetic roulette table, he said.
02:13:02.000Okay, yeah total US cases, oh that's what it is.
02:13:07.000There's the one from, death rates range from 3 to 33 percent.
02:13:14.000Swine flu, 12,469 deaths in the United States according to CDC from April 2009 to April 2010. What about the 2017 to 2018 H2N3? That one it says killed, it says killed 61,000 Americans,
02:14:43.000This is something that nobody saw coming.
02:14:45.000It directly affects your respiratory system.
02:14:48.000They said Dr. Hotez yesterday was trying to explain that it was basically five times more deadly than the flu and five times more contagious.
02:15:03.000And they spread it, and then the people that it infects, it infects a lot of people from them, and it is really bad for the people that it's really bad for.
02:16:51.000Although I got a friend who works in an ER in New York who says that originally it was older people and now they're seeing a lot of people in their 20s coming in and not just getting it but dying from it.
02:17:58.000That's what all this gender neutral, gender this, gender that, gender norms, all the battling going on about gender that never existed before.
02:18:06.000It's a slow slide into neutering all the males.
02:18:42.000I was watching this documentary about this lady who converted into a man.
02:18:47.000And she was talking about the difference being once she got testosterone and they started shooting her up with testosterone and her clit started growing.
02:19:38.000And once you got your first sexual experience, once a girl, a cute young girl your age, slides your penis into her mouth, you're like, oh my Jesus, this is better than anything I've ever done by far.
02:19:51.000I'm going to focus solely on this for the next two decades.
02:19:55.000Dude, when your first girlfriend is rubbing your balls while you're ejaculating into her mouth, you're like, what could be better than this?
02:20:01.000You're telling me there's a thing better?
02:24:21.000I've been married since fake tits have been around, so I don't really know what it's like to interact with fake tits.
02:24:28.000But it seems to me that if the vagina and the tits are really the key points for making love, then who cares if the rest of the body is fake?
02:25:54.000And I remember one time, I was over her house, and we'd kind of broken up, and she'd had a party, and she's like, hey, why don't you stick around?
02:25:59.000I was like, nah, I'm going to head out.
02:28:04.000Anyway, she got him to stop drinking for a while, start eating healthy, start exercising, start riding a bike, and she was getting him to do it on a regular basis.
02:31:06.000Listen, you're dealing with a military dictatorship.
02:31:10.000They get to decide when information gets revealed and anything that would show them to have made a mistake or to be liable or to be negligent or incompetent is going to be suppressed.
02:32:19.000Tiger Woods will shoot a great round of 63. So this guy says like 17. I forget what it is, but it's like it entails several holes in one in one round.
02:32:50.000He said he got a 34. A 38 under par, 34. By the way, Lil Duval, who's the best follow on Instagram right now, all day he's been posting about the coronavirus and funny memes and shit.
02:33:02.000But he had one with the king of Thailand.
02:33:06.000The king of Thailand is sequestered in his palace with his 18 girlfriends.
02:34:26.000As he made her his official concubine in ceremony attended by his wife.
02:34:30.000So that was when he made her his official concubine.
02:34:33.000That was one video, but there's another video where he took away the title, which hasn't been bestowed upon someone in a long time, apparently.
02:34:40.000He took it away because she slipped of the tongue.
02:36:56.000Yeah, the Sweden model, there was a curve that they showed week to week where everyone else is kind of like, this is the thing you keep hearing, flatten the curve.
02:37:19.000I don't know if their fatalities are any higher, though.
02:37:24.000We're going to see state by state what happens in this country, because California has been really locked down pretty early and pretty well, and there are a lot of cases in San Francisco, but...
02:38:01.000You're eating out way more than you're eating at home.
02:38:03.000I mean, it's one of the cool things about New York City.
02:38:07.000That's what's going to be weird coming back if people can relax.
02:38:12.000Or if they're just now, are we going to be like this when the flu comes around again?
02:38:15.000Like, what if another pandemic flu that does the kind of damage that that other one that we were talking about, the 2017-2018 flu, are we going to be gun-shy now?
02:38:26.000Oh, I think I watch TV or movies and I literally have a subconscious reaction to people being close to each other.
02:38:34.000That's how internalized it's becoming.
02:38:36.000And that's going to stick around for a while.
02:38:39.000Yeah, like you see a picture of dudes like hugging each other and laughing at a bar.
02:38:42.000You're like, what are you doing so close to each other?
02:39:08.000You know, if the weather comes in and it's warm, which isn't even proven because a lot of warm weather places still have the coronavirus, but if that helps stem it for a while and it goes away within a few months, I think we'll be okay.
02:39:24.000Well, dude, you're welcome to come in here anytime you want.
02:39:27.000While we're down, if you want to do regular podcasts, let's do them all the time.
02:39:33.000Because one of the things that I'm enjoying, for real, enjoying over these last few weeks has been, I did a podcast with Bert, then I did a podcast with Tom, then I did a podcast with Joey, and I'm like, these are my favorite.
02:39:46.000Like, we're all getting to hang out on a regular basis.
02:40:05.000It's like, what's better than that in life?
02:40:08.000The thing that's weird, though, is you can't hug, and you're not even shaking hands, and we're seeing each other, but we're staying all these feet apart from...
02:44:04.000That gives me the most fear of the unknown.
02:44:08.000Because I know that a certain amount of people are going to get sick, and a certain large percentage are going to get better, and unfortunately some people are going to die, and all that's awful.
02:45:21.000And productivity, I can tell you from writing on TV shows over the years, there's been some that I've written from home, you know, where I'm like a consultant that's just handing them it.
02:45:30.000I do so much more work when I have to actually hand it in through an email than when I'm sitting in a writer's room with 12 other people throwing out a line once an hour while I'm eating fucking sushi.
02:45:42.000I mean, I work my ass off when I'm home because I got to justify it.
02:45:50.000I mean, I think a good thing to do right now would be to think about that in terms of creation of material.
02:45:55.000One thing I've been guilty of over the last month, I haven't written jack shit.
02:45:59.000I mean, I have a couple ideas that I wrote down, but I really have been writing when I haven't been doing stand-up.
02:46:04.000And I decided what I wanted to do is I wanted to know what my take on this is.
02:46:09.000And I felt like the best way I could figure out what my take on it is, is just have a natural take on it.
02:46:15.000Like actually go through this and find out what it is first, how long it's gonna last, and what are your thoughts on this?
02:46:25.000And at the beginning I didn't know what my thoughts on it were, because my thoughts on it were stay safe, make sure family stays safe, friends stay safe.
02:46:32.000Do whatever you're supposed to do and let's find out how long it's going to take.
02:47:12.000What kind of drunken Wild West parties are you going to be when people go back to work and start going back to bars and they forgot how to be out at a bar at a nightclub?
02:47:50.000We need to make shit here, but we need to make shit in a way that doesn't destroy the environment.
02:47:56.000And one of the ways they're able to make shit in other countries is they don't have the same regulations, environmental regulations as they do here.
02:48:03.000That's always been the big problem with shipping stuff overseas.
02:48:06.000They also don't have the same regulations.
02:48:08.000Like when the Foxconn scandal came out and they found out there was net Oh, that's right.
02:48:58.000And there's got to be a way to get unions back in place that can guarantee people health coverage and retirement without making the cost of doing business so high that it hurts the industry.
02:49:10.000I don't know jack shit about finances, so I don't know whether or not I should even comment on that.
02:49:14.000But it would be nice if everybody worked it out.
02:49:18.000It would be nice if everybody figured out how to make shit in America, where we don't have to worry about things going down.
02:50:52.000But I think I also read something about Thailand, that we were actually shipping stuff to Thailand right now, and then it was some kind of mix-up, and the government's apologizing about it now.
02:51:05.000Well, China's apparently going to stop, according to my friend Forrest Galante, who's a wildlife biologist.
02:51:10.000China's going to stop the sale of a lot of wildlife now.
02:51:14.000Which is what you got in those wet markets.
02:51:18.000You know, sale of wildlife all packed on top of each other.
02:51:20.000Apparently they're enacting some new regulations to stop that.
02:51:23.000Because they're recognizing, like, hey, this is where diseases come from.
02:51:26.000There's going to be a better way to do this.
02:51:27.000But, I mean, in really impoverished provinces, and you think about the sheer size of China and the sheer numbers of the population, and the fact they've been doing it this way for so long.
02:51:40.000Well, it's factory farming, and so what's happening is these small farmers are being pushed further and further into the wilderness, and so they're basically harvesting animals that aren't normally eaten, and there's a lot of bat shit, and the animals are eating bat shit.
02:51:59.000That sounds like a gas station version of what's really going on.
02:52:01.000Oh, I... Who am I? One of your doctor guests who knows what the fuck they're talking about?
02:52:07.000I think you're right about batshit, though.
02:52:09.000Official asked the Thais for help, only to be informed by the puzzled voices on the other side of the line that a U.S. shipment of the same supplies, the second of two so far, was already on its way to Bangkok.
02:52:21.000So we had a problem with our policy and the way shit was already sent over and someone else was asking for stuff and they didn't know that it was already being sent there, so they put a stop on that.
02:52:30.000Oh, so it was being sent to Bangkok and we turned it around.
02:52:35.000Meanwhile, their king is in Germany, fucking 20 beautiful women.
02:52:39.000Meanwhile, I was watching, there's this guy, do you know who Efren Reyes is?
02:55:00.000Do diamond push-ups, you know, with your hands like this.
02:55:04.000You could do wall presses where, like, you do, you put your feet on the wall and you could do, like, shoulder presses that way where you're pushing things overhead.
02:55:38.000You go down, they're all just all body weight, no added weight at all.
02:55:43.000You go down and as you go down, when your knees go all the way bent, you actually lift your heels up off the ground, you go on the balls of your feet.
02:55:49.000And then you put your hands behind you, and then you stand up like this.
02:55:54.000In the same thing you just keep going over and over and over again and you could do sets of like a hundred So it's really pretty easy for the first 10 and then for the first 15 and 20 and then you go, okay This is gonna be 30 whoo this is some work 50 holy shit.
02:56:10.000I'm halfway there 67 you get to a hundred hindu squats and your thighs are fucking burning burning Yeah.
02:56:55.000Yeah, but like super fit like crazy shape and he was talking about the different things that he would do for wrestling and one of the things was the air squats They would do those kind of Hindu squats very similar kind of squats.
02:57:07.000We do 500 a day Wow, I was like god damn and knowing how hard it is to do a hundred you're doing 500 of those a day That's a punishing workout on your legs.
02:57:54.000Because they just want you to tune into their content, and they'll give you certain exercises you can do, and they'll put them in order, and they're trying to build up their Instagram pages or build up their YouTube pages.
02:58:42.000And then from that, you could do those leg raises where you hang and you bring your feet up and touch the bar and then slowly bring them down and feet up and touch the bar.
02:58:52.000There's a ton of shit you can do from your home.
02:58:55.000You could do, if you want to get in crazy cardio, get these little egg weights, they have a bunch of different sizes, and do rounds of shadowboxing.
02:59:03.000So I have some that are five pounds or five pounds in each hand, and you put on like a timer, and then you just have to shadowbox for three minutes.
02:59:12.000And you're 13 seconds in, you're like, oh, fuck this.
03:00:11.000Yeah, he's been doing it since three o'clock in the morning.
03:00:13.000The idea is it goes all the way through to 24 hours of chin-ups, and I think the number to beat, he's looking to beat like 4,000 something chin-ups.
03:02:52.000You've got to carry heavy shit, but that's the easy part.
03:02:55.000The hard part is, well, not always, because sometimes you're deep, deep in.
03:02:58.000You've got to carry heavy shit for miles and miles.
03:03:00.000But it's also hard just to get to where the elk are.
03:03:03.000They're super athletes, and they just effortlessly bound up the side of a hill in seconds, and it would take you an hour to go to the same place.
03:03:11.000So you have to follow these fuckers, and you have to be fit to do it, and you're at 8,000 feet above sea level, so there's not much air there anyway, and you have to be fit.
03:04:48.000Yeah, I've said it before, but I'll say it one more time.
03:04:50.000If anyone hasn't seen, go and watch the video that was documenting Eddie Izzard's trip around all of UK. He was running a marathon every day.
03:05:03.000He did it for like 20 days or something?
03:08:58.000My fear is that there's going to be so much economic disparity, so many people out of work, so much crime, that there's going to be a bunch of people that don't feel like they're being looked out for, and then there'll be a further divide between the haves and have-nots in this country, which is one of the reasons why I like people like Bernie Sanders,
03:09:17.000whether or not he's right or wrong about whether or not he can enact any of those economic Possibilities that he's talking about, whether or not any of that stuff actually works.
03:09:25.000At least the guy running the show has always been about helping the working people, making sure people have health care, making sure your education is covered.
03:09:35.000Just those thoughts alone, like for the strength of our community and taking into consideration what we're going through right now, when you realize what's actually important.
03:09:44.000What's actually important is that everybody's going to be, you know, whoever's okay, make sure they're okay.
03:10:10.000Maybe we can have a little bit of a shift here in the way we look at each other.
03:10:14.000This is real possible that maybe everybody can do their part.
03:10:18.000And then, you know, the people that are not doing their part, the people that are fucking shitty, when they get served on internet videos, people are enjoying the shit out of it.
03:10:42.000This partisanship, it's so hard to see.
03:10:45.000It probably started with Reagan and it's gone since then where the left and the right are just at each other and there's no one reality anymore.
03:10:52.000And the things that brings people together is a war, a crisis, where suddenly you see that we are all in the same country.
03:11:01.000We're all on the same side, the humane side.
03:11:04.000And hopefully that's what comes out of this.