Tony Hinchcliffe joins the boys to talk about California's new restrictions on what you can and can't do in public, and why it's a good thing it's not a big deal. Also, the boys talk about the fact that the grocery store is now open in LA, and how they're not going to be able to go out in public for a while. Also, they discuss the new list of things you're allowed to do outside in California, and what that list might be like in the future, and whether or not you should be allowed to go outside at all. And, of course, there's a special guest appearance from comedian, comedian, stand-up comic, and friend of the show, Jamie Lynn Spears! Thanks to our sponsor, Caff Monster Energy! Caff is a high-octane, high-fibre frappuccino blend that's high in caffeine, high in fat, and high in calories. Caff has been around for a long time, and it's one of the best things I've had in my life. I hope you like it! Can't wait to do it again next week, baby! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Artwork by Jeff Kaale and Matt Knott. Music by Zapsplat and the Vigilante Crew. Thank you for coming up with the music for the intro and outro music by Sideshow from Fugue, and thanks for playing along with us on this episode of the new album "Goodbye" by The Good Fight. and we hope you enjoy the music from The Goodfellows and we really appreciate it. The Good Fellows and our thanks you guys for coming out with us in this episode. -- Thank you so much for being here, we really really appreciate you, we appreciate you. We really appreciate all the love and support us. We appreciate all your support and support you. Thank you, bye. XOXO, bye, bye! -- Cheers, Jonny and the crew at The Good Oloo Crew. -- Jonny & the Good Olio Crew -- Jon and the Badass Crew at the Badger Project. -Jon and the Crew at The Badger. Jon and The Badbois at the Good Ovo Project Jon & the Bad Ovo Crew
00:03:07.000I mean, if it's your cart, is there a logic to that?
00:03:10.000And how is it any different than the cart at the supermarket?
00:03:13.000Like, that motherfucker's getting passed around like a cheap ho!
00:03:17.000I think it's because they have to have people clean it and whatnot, and they don't want to have to have staff on whatever, because they've opened up...
00:03:22.000Right, but they have it at the supermarket.
00:05:37.000Like if a person wants to go outside and they have a shadow boxing routine they do and they like to practice Muay Thai, why can't they go practice Muay Thai?
00:08:30.000Benny Urquidez is like a legendary kickboxer from L.A. And him and his, I believe Blinky Rodriguez is his brother-in-law, but he was another beast.
00:08:41.000He's a guy who knocked out one of the greatest kickboxers of all time.
00:08:44.000Jean-Yves Theriot knocked him out with a left hook.
00:08:47.000I mean, so this was a gym, a legendary gym.
00:08:49.000And I came here, and right when I came here, I started going there, and they had earthquake damage.
00:08:55.000So when it rained, their place got fucked up, like really fucked up, and they had to close down.
00:09:01.000And then he moved to a place in North Hollywood for a while.
00:09:04.000But it just wasn't the same once that legendary gym was gone.
00:09:09.000But those were one of the number one places that I wanted to come to when I came to LA. Has anyone ever claimed Tai Chi or Qigong as any of their UFC skill set?
00:09:54.000One of the first fights ever in the UFC the guy tries to throw this wild spinning elbow just out of nowhere fights Shogun for the title opens up with a flying knee just wild Opens up on a legend Shogun was a legend UFC light heavyweight champion the guy who's knocked out Chuck Liddell but was fucking killing people in pride I mean when we were coming up Mauricio Shogun Hua was a legend Jon Jones fights him Wins the title,
00:10:21.000the youngest guy ever to win a title in the UFC with a flying knee.
00:10:59.000There were these wrestlers, I think they were called the Hurley Twins or something from another school, and these guys were really, really high level, and we were in high school, but they were high level freestyle wrestlers, like they would go to the nationals every year.
00:11:13.000It appeared as though they would dangle guys by an angle and just keep getting points.
00:11:19.000They would release and they would make it look like it was nothing.
00:11:22.000The other guy's wrestling for his life and they would just seamlessly grab their ankle and push them back.
00:11:28.000There's an underappreciated skill level for the real elite of the elite.
00:11:33.000If you watch Jordan Burroughs wrestle, who's currently, right now, today, widely considered to be the best wrestler in the world.
00:11:47.000When you watch him how good he is and how well he moves through these takedowns and transitions and chains takedown attacks together and the power and the drive and the just the fucking explosiveness all of it together the insane desire to compete and win You know,
00:12:19.000I mean, Askren was quite a bit past his wrestling prime.
00:12:24.000I don't think you can be elite at both.
00:12:27.000I think most of these elite wrestlers, who are really, really good wrestlers, once they get into the UFC and they realize how much striking they have to do, how much submissions they have to do, I think most of them would admit that they're probably not getting the same kind of focus on pure wrestling that allows them to stay at their highest level.
00:13:40.000Like now that we know, like all those little schools like the Judo people and the Taekwondo people, they were all like real biased about their own style, like I definitely was.
00:16:25.000You would never call judo a soft martial art, though.
00:16:28.000I mean, maybe it's technically that, but I mean, amongst the circles that I travel in, when you're talking to, and I'm not a judo expert, obviously, but I know a lot of people that are.
00:17:28.000I mean, it's super brilliant and technical, and it's very strategic, and there's all these transitions, and it's very technical in terms of being able to execute a high-level throw on someone who's also an expert in high-level throws.
00:17:42.000It's amazing, but it's also very hard.
00:21:35.000Well, whoever wore jeans on the beach to play volleyball, too.
00:21:38.000Well, also, they slide into the sand and then miraculously, right after they slide into the sand, they are clean and shiny with glistening sweat and no sand on them.
00:24:31.000I don't want it to happen, but if I knew there was a video of Tom Cruise dying because he fell off the side of a plane, how do you not watch that?
00:37:17.000Oh yeah, it's in Illinois, so that's where he's originally from.
00:37:20.000They must have thought it was actually Sebastian Maniscalco, the comedian.
00:37:25.000So the other guy has been captured and faces murder charges under an Illinois statute that allows for such crimes to be leveled against suspects if they take part in a felony offense that leads to another person's death.
00:37:40.000You know, and that's why people have guns.
00:37:42.000You know, and nobody wants to hear that story.
00:37:44.000You don't want to hear that story, because that story's a pro-gun story.
00:37:47.000You know, it's anti-gun because someone tried to rob the guy's house with a gun, but it's pro-gun, and if he didn't have a gun, what would have happened?
00:37:57.000Yeah, it's anti-gun because someone used a gun in a robbery.
00:38:00.000But it's pro, if he didn't have a gun, maybe his family would be dead.
00:38:04.000You have to be able to see both sides.
00:38:06.000Because the gun control argument is such a weird one.
00:38:32.000But it's not like, if it went the other way, you know, if some people got shot to death inside their home, it would be an anti-gun argument.
00:38:41.000Which is interesting because if you have a gun like he did, the people broke into his house and he was able to protect his family.
00:38:48.000That's the best case scenario for gun ownership.
00:38:50.000Well, the best case scenario is never having to use it and the next best is being able to use it to protect your family because that's what it's there for.
00:39:17.000You saw the one with the church where the guy went in for a mass shooting and the guy standing against the back wall of the church had a gun too and just got him right away.
00:39:26.000Yeah, an armed trained man with a gun.
00:41:57.000Do you know when this guy has this show and that guy has that show and the show goes for an hour and they're going to cover these details and show you what went wrong?
00:42:05.000There's so many things that went wrong.
00:42:06.000If you just want to concentrate on things that went wrong, you could do it 24 hours a day and never run out of material.
00:42:13.000But you gotta almost kind of, is that the world?
00:43:38.000Like, that kind of stuff is, if you absorb what's in the media, that kind of stuff will literally change the way you view the world, and that will change the way you act in the world, and that will literally make things suck.
00:43:53.000It'll make things suck more if you go out and only concentrate on things that are terrible.
00:43:59.000Another show that's up there with Ozarks for me now is Succession.
00:44:03.000And that is about a very rich family that owns their own cable news channel.
00:44:28.000They're smashing it all into an hour, even though it keeps running, but like an hour program.
00:44:32.000It's so easy just to decide what you leave out.
00:44:35.000It does so much for something, or a story, or a product, or a stock, or anything that you invest in, or own yourself, or anything like that.
00:47:16.000I'm glad I heard bad reviews before watching this because it really lowered my expectations and I spent the whole time going, this is so great.
00:51:50.000She had a husband that just disappeared, and he conveniently left her the whole business, all the money, all of his documents had been altered previous to his death.
00:52:05.000There's so much of it that you're like, what?
00:53:18.000But I saw an article that just came out yesterday that said that she thinks the zoos shouldn't open because the tigers could give it to each other.
00:53:28.000They don't have a way of distancing the tigers.
00:53:31.000LOL. Do they even know if it goes to tigers?
00:53:50.000Well, I was telling you, Jamie, while we were talking about this before, the different groups of people that, in the weirdest, weirdest way, are asymptomatic.
00:54:02.000That thing that I sent you, did I send that to you, Jamie?
00:54:06.000One of them was about, I think it was a meatpacking plant, and they had some insane number of employees tested positive, all of them asymptomatic.
00:56:01.000Was thinking about this and God forget who I was talking to this about this they were talking about I think was Kyle Kulinski, and we're talking about Your immune system that your immune system when you're in a place like a prison is probably super strong Because there's so many people around you.
00:56:20.000You're always interacting with all this different bacteria whereas if you just like Live by yourself in an apartment like you've quarantined for these five weeks and then you're gonna go back out into the world.
00:56:31.000Your immune system is like your cardiovascular system.
00:57:51.000What's fucked up about prison is, like, I don't think it works.
00:57:54.000You know, it's like, I don't want to compare people to dogs, but I'm gonna.
00:57:59.000We've talked about this before, that, like, if you get a dog, and I've rescued dogs that were just, they were older, and they'd seen too much shit, and by the time you get to them, they're all fucked up.
00:58:08.000You know, they growl at people, they snap at people, like...
00:58:12.000If you've got a rescue dog that wants to bite people, you can't.
00:58:15.000You want a puppy, so that when you raise the puppy, you can teach the puppy that you love it, and this is family, and everybody's cool, and you've got to listen to the rules, though.
00:58:36.000Their life has just been fucked over by people and if you get a like a seven-year-old eight-year-old pound dog that's been abused like oh Fuck that poor dog.
00:58:46.000They don't want and it's almost like with some humans the abuse that life throws at us from the time you're young You're kind of like trying to deal with it as you get older and maybe fix yourself and To try to like balance your own self out,
00:59:02.000but every now and then you'll forget How easy you have it in comparison to some people.
00:59:08.000Like if you see some people's lives where it's just poverty and crime and like fucking everyone around them was either a criminal or on drugs and it's like fucking everywhere you look you see despair.
00:59:24.000For someone to come through that, to have the same expectations as they have someone who came through even like my childhood, which was not that bad.
00:59:32.000My childhood was a little weird, but it wasn't bad.
00:59:34.000No one was, you know, no one was abusive to me.
00:59:38.000When someone's abusive to you and then all of a sudden you find yourself, you're 32 and you're trying to get your shit together, but you just, you have visions of being raped or beaten by your uncles and, you know, whatever the fuck it is that's inside your head that just like all day defines you.
01:00:52.000But with people, the crazy thing is sometimes they can do it.
01:00:56.000Sometimes you can get a guy who's 32, hooked on heroin, and then 10 years later he's running marathons and writing books and super positive, eating healthy, and now he has a family and he's a different person.
01:02:50.000I was going to different ones when this whole thing first started and trying out different things and different combinations of basically remaking each week my mom's meat sauce, which is different than a regular sauce that has meatballs and this and that.
01:03:04.000Anyway, and I kept testing out these different concoctions and one time I nailed it and it really tasted like hers.
01:03:12.000And I went back to that butcher shop and did it again and I said to the guy, I go...
01:03:17.000Yeah, that stuff I made last week came out just like my mom's.
01:05:17.000If the food keeps coming, he's going to keep eating it.
01:05:19.000If it doesn't cost anything, because it's green when you want to go, like when you want to keep it, they come around with these plates full of all this crazy meats and sausages and chicken legs and all this different stuff, and they just keep coming, and you can just take as much as you want, and then when you've got to tap out, you flip your coin over to red.
01:05:35.000He's so cheap, he takes that coin with him.
01:07:29.000If I eat domestic animals, particularly, this is how I like to, a lot of times if I have ribeye with spaghetti, I'll cook the ribeye and get it like, you know, like just about medium rare and then I slice that bitch up and drop it into the tomato sauce.
01:08:38.000And the first thing I knew, literally the first thing that I thought of the second my eyes laid on that picture, I'm like, this is going to be crazy because people are going to say in these comments that she's beautiful.
01:08:51.000And that's going to be hilarious because you're basically saying that she wasn't beautiful before by saying that she's beautiful now in a weird way.
01:12:01.000Do you decide that it's not worth as much to you to worry about what your body looks like and you're more concentrated on maybe art or whatever the fuck else?
01:13:45.000Now, it might not be to you, but that's why the world's beautiful.
01:13:48.000Because we can all have different things we like and different things we don't like.
01:13:52.000But when a giant chunk of people are into this one thing, like nice bodies, it doesn't mean that it's all shallow or terrible or it's somehow or another demeaning to people that don't adhere to those standards.
01:14:19.000They do stuff to make themselves look better.
01:14:21.000The idea that making your body look better is somehow or another, this is a bad standard to adhere to when you take your big body that you're not taking care of and you wrap it up in all these crazy clothes and all these ribbons and bows and you show your bare midriff because you're brave and you got your big old ass and these jeans.
01:14:45.000Honestly, I thought Adele looked a little, I thought she looked cuter, a little bit thicker.
01:14:51.000Now she sort of looks, I mean, granted she looks healthier, but she looks a little bit more just basic, you know what I mean?
01:14:59.000Sort of just like all the other pop stars.
01:15:01.000Well, in every movie where there's a guy who's kind of a fuck-up, who's going to get in trouble, it's a guy who's built like you with a woman who's like 250 pounds, and she tells him what to do.
01:22:35.000If you have an Android phone and you send it through their messages app, you know, their little client that they use to send text messages, you can have it all kinds of colors.
01:22:55.000But Apple keeps you locked into their little system.
01:22:58.000I've updated my Windows PC recently, and they're trying to do something like that.
01:23:02.000I'm not letting my phone and computer buy into it, but it's like, hey, by the way, you know you can connect your phone when you sign in now and have all of this shit here.
01:23:11.000Whenever I think about, I see those messages, I read them back to myself in the same voice as the demon trying to convince Bruce Jenner to be a woman.
01:23:31.000You would know a little bit about this.
01:23:33.000There's something I discovered last night, but there's a new popular game that's out, and the anti-cheat program that runs in the background of your computer goes all the way down to the kernels of your computer, which is something different.
01:24:33.000It was used to track stroke patients and changes in your breathing and lungs or something, and sounds in there that connect to a device, which is your phone, and let you know if something's up.
01:24:42.000What better way to get integrated with the grid than to create a virus that makes you wear a mask, takes away your humanity, can't touch each other, Gotta stay away.
01:26:04.000Not out on the streets, I don't think, but if you're in a trail, you could probably get stopped.
01:26:09.000Find out if that's true because I've been reading all these things that say that there's, you know, we joked around about it before, like if someone passes you when they're running, like how close are they to you?
01:26:16.000But it doesn't seem like there's any sort of science to say that it spreads that way.
01:26:22.000I've read that and didn't think that that was true too, but I texted Brendan Schaub.
01:26:27.000He said he got a ticket for being on that trail.
01:27:42.000Also, Ohio just passed a law they said to change what the Department of Health is doing so that they're superseding the rules in their Congress.
01:28:16.000I know quite a few people that have had it and we're gonna actually have Michael Yo come on next week.
01:28:21.000I'm really interested to talk to him because he had it real bad and he got it from New York and then there's been some speculation that the people who got it from New York they get it from Europe but the people that got it in California a lot of them got it from China which is really interesting because like I wonder if as it went through Europe it got worse.
01:30:01.000The viral load you must take in every day if you live in Manhattan, on the subway, fucking right next to people, breathing in everybody's air, everybody's coughing and it's getting in.
01:30:12.000There's only so much air in that room.
01:30:14.000Even if you talk about, forget about the subway and just talk about the entrance door to either their home or their workplace has hundreds of people, minimum, going through it every single day.
01:30:25.000And those hundreds of people that go through that door every single day, they're on the subway or they're walking by people on the street.
01:31:04.000So one had a patient in France who was infected with COVID-19 back in December, a month before the contagion was thought to have reached Europe.
01:31:13.000Doctors retroactively tested the samples from when the man was admitted to the hospital near Paris on December 27th with a cough, a headache, and a fever.
01:31:25.000It really does feel like more than one disease.
01:31:27.000And apparently there's a strain in India, and there's some concern that even when they come up with a vaccine, this strain in India is going to be immune to it.
01:31:37.000It's not going to work on this strain, because this strain is so different than what's going on right now.
01:32:35.000Like, you would have never believed that.
01:32:36.000And I know there's been more deaths from COVID. But the other thing we were trying to figure out, somebody tweeted that there was, because of the fact that there's so many COVID deaths, that there's actually a decrease in the amount of people that have died from heart disease.
01:32:53.000And they're thinking, how many people are not being counted?
01:32:56.000How many people have died of heart disease?
01:32:59.000Because I think what they're doing is, if you have COVID... You die.
01:33:04.000You died from COVID. They don't investigate to see if there were some other things that might have killed you and COVID just also was there.
01:33:18.000But now they're saying that COVID might even cause heart attacks in people, you know, and that might cause strokes and weird blood clots in people.
01:33:26.000So it's like it's different in different people.
01:34:15.000Yeah, I'm in the middle of this Jack Carter novel that's all about crazy espionage and murder and murder for hire and shit.
01:34:22.000And, you know, of course, instantly, when I see something like this, I go, oh my god, what if they whacked him and they whacked this guy to cover up their tracks?
01:34:31.000They didn't want him to find a cure because they're working on their own cure.
01:35:28.000Imagine if you were on your way to developing a vaccine for something and that vaccine was gonna net your company an estimated 1.9 billion dollars.
01:35:40.000And then this fucking smarty pants dipshit, let's not even say that guy, some guy in Vancouver figures out a way to kill this stuff.
01:35:56.000Gotta get to him before he publishes it.
01:35:58.000Because if he does, if this super smart guy has figured something out about the structure of this virus, and he knows how to fix it, he knows how to fix this problem the world is facing, it's an easy fix.
01:36:49.000And it's all criminal psychology and he talks about how these interrogators and he has great video somehow of these interrogations and how these people break through and he'll stop it and show you like here's what he's doing and here's why and how they get people and why people lie and how they lie and this and that.
01:39:00.000And they kept it completely secret from her and they just brought her down to a break room saying that they had some questions about something.
01:39:07.000Little did she know that the interrogation had begun.
01:40:24.000She's not nervous that she murdered this fucking guy.
01:40:25.000Everything that the person does is showing you what they're hiding.
01:40:31.000Dude, this guy went to clean out his mom's apartment, she died, and he found a freezer, one of those chest freezers, with a dead decomposing body in it.
01:40:43.000So the body had been there, the freezer was, I think it was in the basement.
01:41:17.000He found the body this week in a chest freezer that had been sealed with duct tape.
01:41:22.000Investigators said the body appeared to have been stored for over 10 years.
01:41:26.000Building Superintendent Asamir Basim told the newspaper on Friday's article the body was so decayed that authorities couldn't determine its sex.
01:41:38.000Bastien said they wouldn't let, she wouldn't let them, there it is, the deceased tenant never gave permission for work to be done in the Hamilton Heights apartment.
01:43:25.000It's like when someone does something like that they've never done before, and their son is a professional stand-up, and it was on your son's podcast, in a live audience, which is like every...
01:43:37.000The biggest fear people have is fucking up in front of a large crowd.
01:43:42.000Whitney Cummings told me that that comes from when, in the past, when people were in front of large crowds, usually it's because you're being judged.
01:43:50.000Like you did something wrong and the group is turning on you.
01:44:00.000Like that when we were evolving, you know, as we're going through the civilizations of the past, if it was a group of people that was staring at you and you're around all these people and you're down and they're all up, like, ah, that's fucking terrifying.
01:44:34.000Then the person like, we're going to listen to you because you're exceptional because you have a wonderful voice or you're really good with the musical instrument.
01:45:02.000If people, like, how many people have given speeches at their companies, like, you know, they get together and have a company Christmas party, and someone, unfortunately, leaves a microphone, and a bunch of people are boozing.
01:45:16.000And someone goes up there and just ruins their fucking life.
01:46:05.000If you gave them coke and got them high as fuck, bong hits, and they were saying wacky shit, curled up in the corner, you wouldn't blame them.
01:46:13.000But you got an open bar at your fucking Christmas party, and Mikey gets a little sauced up and says something stupid, and you're mad at him.
01:46:21.000It's so funny to think about how real companies have Christmas parties with alcohol and all that.
01:46:28.000Have you ever been to a comedy store Christmas party?
01:48:06.000Honestly, I was mad at you the first day, because I had a show with you that night.
01:48:11.000We performed the night before, and the next morning I wake up and I see your tweet saying, unfortunately I'm going to cancel my shows tonight at the Comedy Store, right?
01:48:20.000And I'm literally like, come on Joe, you're falling for this fake disease.
01:49:15.000They're allowing 200, then we can do 200. Two hours later, they're like, it's gotta be 100. And I'm like, okay, 100. And then they're like, well, the comedy store is closing indefinitely.
01:51:22.000I think that's another one that the news wants us to think that you can catch it again.
01:51:26.000You might be able to catch it again, but it's like a lot of the most recent things that I've read from health organizations are saying, good news, finally some good news, and you have to look deep to find good news now.
01:51:40.000Like with a shovel to find good news and literally like most of and of course a doctor doctor serious doctor I'll tell you well we really don't know don't know because that's what professional scientists say right until they officially know but right now most professionals are saying you can't get it twice I think in China they've found a small percentage of people that got it twice.
01:52:06.000I don't trust anything coming out of China right now.
01:53:10.000Iran when we killed that Soleimani dude It's almost like as hostile with that all the time and it's a special kind right because we can't even acknowledge How mad we are at them yet until we have our own thing sort of figured out.
01:53:25.000Yeah, we don't know shit yet We don't know where it came from.
01:53:27.000It's almost like when When you're mad at someone, but you don't want to make a big deal of it at the dinner table or something.
01:53:33.000You want to talk to them one-on-one afterwards.
01:53:37.000It's like we can't even acknowledge how mad we are at China for this until we have a vaccine.
01:53:44.000And then we're going to be like, hey, by the way, what the fuck, dude?
01:54:04.000Imagine if it didn't start in the lab and everybody accused it of starting a lab and the people in the lab are like, you fucks, we didn't even do this.
01:57:01.000Like, if bats were good at all, let's face it, we'd be eating them.
01:57:06.000I read a terrible story about these two scientists that had decided they wanted to do some studies on these rats that lived in this very particular cave.
01:57:18.000And they set up these cameras to photograph these rats, these bats rather, that as the sundown would happen, that's when the bats would start flying out of the caves.
01:57:28.000And they were going to be there to capture it.
01:57:29.000Well, what they didn't understand, for whatever fucking reason, is that this is also where the bats defecate.
01:57:37.000So the bats, as they were flying over, covered them with batshit.
01:59:49.000You know, I'm not really that much into comedy movies now that I'm grown up, but one that destroys me at my spinal cord that I don't know when the last time you saw it, but it holds up great.
02:00:25.000And I did Punch-Up recently on a Farrelly Brothers project and I actually was talking with Peter Farrelly and I go, you know, Because it, like, came up.
02:02:14.000Some guy lit a cigarette, smoked it, and then put it out on the floor of the carpet in the comedy store, in the comedy room in the Riviera.
02:02:25.000And I thought Steve Schrepp was going to kill this guy.
02:02:28.000He's screaming at him, pointing at his face.
02:04:32.000If you found out that China was taking people that were sick and dragging them away and they were never heard from again, would you believe that?
02:06:22.000Like, if you let people buy python skin in California, You would actually be contributing to getting rid of the pythons that are filling the whole Everglades as a giant problem in that these pythons, these wacky people in Florida got and then released.
02:06:40.000They've become breeders and they were introduced into this environment that doesn't have any defense mechanisms for them.
02:06:46.000There's nothing that knows what a python is.
02:06:48.000They didn't evolve to get away from pythons or deal with pythons.
02:06:51.000So because of that, everything's getting wiped out.
02:09:19.000Trying to kill them the best way I can.
02:09:20.000You can do it anytime you want on private lands, it says, with landowner permission.
02:09:25.000What's interesting is I think if given enough time, they're gonna kill everything and then they're gonna run out of food and they're gonna die off.
02:09:32.000Or they're gonna start invading their way into cities.
02:09:56.000Imagine you're getting wrapped up by a python, and you see the face coming over your head, and you realize what's going on.
02:10:02.000And it's clamping down on your head, and it detaches its jaw, and it's spreading around you like, oh my god, you can't move your arms, you think your shoulder's broken, you're getting squeezed as it's doing this, and it's got its mouth on your fucking head, and it's slowly starting to take you into its body.
02:10:18.000I get scared of animals that aren't even threatening.
02:10:22.000I get scared of squirrels and whatnot if they look at me the wrong way.
02:10:26.000If they're right next to you in a tree, and some of those things pretend like, because I live right next to a really awesome park, and I run through there almost every day, and some of these squirrels, they're like people squirrels.
02:10:40.000I guess they must get fed a lot or something from humans walking by, and they will pretend like they're going to, like they will just get right up in your face.
02:10:50.000I got scared at my chair in my hallway the other day.
02:10:53.000I thought, this is so stupid, but I was coming out of the bathroom, it was the end of the night, and my chair, I have this one extra chair that sort of moves around the living room.
02:11:04.000Anyway, it ended up across the end of the hallway, and it was just sort of hanging out.
02:11:09.000And for some reason it sort of looked like there was a crazy person smiling.
02:12:12.000They'd go a few feet from him and just start eating their peanut.
02:12:15.000And then other squirrels would come by.
02:12:17.000And they apparently had some sort of a, they've been doing it so often, people know they could just, as long as you're not making much movement, you look safe and hold it out there, they'll come get it from you.
02:12:30.000But, did you see the video of the fucking monkey riding a motorcycle?
02:12:50.000That goes zipping up the street, bails off the motorcycle, and tries to steal a baby.
02:12:56.000My favorite part of it is I watched it like 20 times in a row, and I love how the guy taking the video from his top story apartment is laughing.
02:13:10.000It starts, and you don't see the monkey, and then he sees the monkey on the motorcycle, and he starts laughing, and he's laughing more as it gets closer, and And he even laughs one more beat when the monkey grabs the kid, because he's like, haha, you know, like, he's like,
02:13:26.000Here's the monkey on the motorcycle, bails, grabs the kid, throws the kid to the ground, it's a little baby, and starts dragging him away, tries to steal him, because he wants to eat the baby.
02:13:35.000Yeah, it's like a horror movie at that part.
02:14:12.000I'm saying, imagine what they're like now.
02:14:15.000I was going to say, because did you see that thing about what's going on in Thailand?
02:14:19.000Where there was nobody in the street, so there was just like hordes of monkeys running through the street that are starving, that are used to tourists feeding them.
02:18:45.000On my phone and she basically signaled to me like she pointed at the Wi-Fi signal at the top of my phone and was like pointing at her phone and I'm like all right I'll figure it out but it wasn't an iPhone so I had a lot of trouble and I was touching it more than I wanted to and then I couldn't get on her Wi-Fi and then she pulled out an iPad that wasn't an actual iPad it was another like whatever Motorola brand or whatever you know and I'm there I am touching that I'm like fuck this is not and she was like Yeah.
02:19:27.000And it wasn't even able to get her on the Wi-Fi.
02:19:30.000But I thought to myself when this all came out, I'm like, I probably had it then and just blew through it because I don't really ever get the flu or get sick.
02:19:37.000My body just like gets rid of everything in like a few hours normally.
02:23:35.000Yeah, that's one where I literally thought of you during this last one and I'm like, I know Joe isn't watching this because of basketball, but you would fucking love it.
02:23:45.000Because, especially this last one, their coach, Phil Jackson, and his brain and the way he can motivate people.
02:23:56.000Never out of everything I've ever watched have I paused something and just thought about it for a few minutes and then hit play again and rewind again on a documentary.
02:24:12.000Anyone who's that driven to be such a winner, you stand out amongst winners as being so exceptional.
02:24:19.000Who's the GOAT? Michael Jordan is always the first pick.
02:24:24.000Wonder, like, how would LeBron, how would this, that?
02:24:28.000But everybody always says Michael Jordan.
02:24:30.000Like, to be that much of a super winner, you think about all the people that are playing basketball, all the people that are around him that are world-class athletes, professional athletes, and he stands out amongst them.
02:24:39.000He's so wildly competitive that he will beat you in your own game.
02:26:13.000There's a lot of people that get into pro sports that it's really, in a lot of ways, it moves them away from war in the best way that we know how possible.
02:26:25.000But if we didn't have those, if there was no sports and people just conquered each other, Those would be the kings of the world.
02:26:32.000The football players, that Thor guy who just deadlifted the world record, the Game of Thrones guy.
02:27:32.000I'd like to announce I'll be making a comeback to the ring.
02:27:36.000I'm training to promote a charity that's very close to me.
02:27:40.000Our Unite for Our Fight campaign aims to fill the void the pandemic has created on access to resources our youth needs for emotional development and education.
02:27:51.000Can you imagine if Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield have a third fight when they're in their 50s?
02:28:22.000They just go straight to his shoulder.
02:28:25.000Evander Holyfield was the first guy in modern boxing who employed like a really rigorous weightlifting regime that allowed him to successfully go up.
02:28:39.000Well, Michael Spinks did it too when he beat Larry Holmes, but then he got destroyed by Tyson.
02:28:44.000I mean, he was really a light heavyweight that used his movement to outbox Larry Holmes when Larry Holmes was like sort of getting close to the twilight of his career, but That wasn't the case with Evander.
02:28:57.000He was the cruiserweight champ, and he was like a slim guy when he fought Dwight Mohamed Kawi.
02:29:04.000And then when he went to be a heavyweight, he thickened up, man.
02:29:07.000He bulked up, purposely bulked up, had some amazing strength and conditioning videos that they showed of all the different shit that he was doing, preparing.
02:29:17.000The way the guy worked out was insane.
02:29:19.000It came up in the Jordan documentary too.
02:29:21.000He was like maybe 200 pounds for the first couple years of his career and then bulked up to 215, solid muscle.
02:29:28.000Yeah, I heard it was after playing the Pistons.
02:29:30.000His trainer, he said, would go back after every game and count the number of steps he took with each foot and the direction he was taking so he would know how tired he should be and what he should be doing for him the next day and whatnot.
02:29:53.000He was rarely ever hurt because he knew that people were coming, which was true, to see him play.
02:29:57.000And if he didn't give them that performance, he felt like he was cheating everyone.
02:30:01.000And every time he would play anyone for the first time, he needed to show, like, he could never, ever let anyone ever Make them feel like they got one over on him.
02:30:15.000So not only each game for the audience that are seeing him for the first time in which he needs to dominate, but especially towards his opponent who literally thinks that maybe today will be my lucky day.
02:30:28.000You know, I'm going up against Jordan.
02:30:30.000This is, you know, it's the middle of the season.
02:31:00.000How does a 200 plus pound human fly through the air like that?
02:31:05.000And even towards the end of his career, they just showed one where it's the all-star game.
02:31:11.000So he got to go up against Kobe Bryant for the first time because they're in two different conferences that don't normally play.
02:31:17.000And Kobe's this 18-year-old that just went straight from high school to the NBA, completely dominating his side of things, going up against Jordan for the first time ever.
02:31:28.000And everybody on Kobe's side is saying, you know, Kobe asked us to let him have Jordan, and Jordan's on his side.
02:31:36.000That's what's crazy about this documentary, is that somehow this fucking camera crew, Jordan let them come along in the ride in this green room for all this crazy exclusive content.
02:31:47.000And he's saying to the guys, he goes, you guys all know, this is in the, not the green room, but the locker room before you guys, you guys all know this kid's coming after me, right?
02:31:57.000Like, he's going to want me, so let me have him, blah, blah, blah, blah, because he wants to show the kid.
02:32:01.000And sure enough, even though Kobe's 18 and peak, peak, peak physical condition, Jordan wins the MVP of that All-Star game, crushing it against a young Kobe Bryant.
02:32:15.000He decided in the middle of all that, I'm just going to play baseball.
02:32:18.000I'm just gonna be the best at baseball.
02:32:20.000They go deep into it, which is interesting, how the media and not a social media time period was fucking hammering him because they built him up to be this young guy out of North Carolina, Olympic superstar, Literally scored more points than anybody's ever scored as a rookie in the NBA. All this attention.
02:33:16.000A wild man at the peak of If you think about professional basketball, you watch an NBA game, and all the thought that's involved in which way you're going, and the ability to explode, and then the ability to, in the middle of all that, land a precision shot into a hole.
02:33:33.000There's really not another sport like that.
02:33:35.000I mean, baseball is you're trying to hit something that's coming at you like crazy.
02:34:25.000An insanely disciplined professional basketball player.
02:34:29.000He would get there and practice before everybody, stay after everybody, practice things left and right.
02:34:34.000And when they would have those three-point competitions, remember we would have those all-star three-point competitions, in the locker room he would just be like, which one of you guys is coming in second?
02:38:41.000And people are pointing something out, too.
02:38:43.000This is like a video of a Canadian sheriff discussing it.
02:38:45.000And he said, out of all the shootings that I've ever been a part of where there's illegal activity like that and horrible crimes that are being committed, he goes, it's never with a licensed gun over.
02:40:11.000Or should this be a part of the Bill of Rights, where this is how we are, and this is how this country is established, and this is the things we agree on?
02:40:17.000We don't want to vote on whether or not we have free speech.
02:41:44.000Yeah, but I think that the government could help with that.
02:41:51.000I think before restricting guns, I think they could step in and then maybe run it by some psychiatrists and scientists and whatnot and see what they think about the media part of a crime.
02:42:06.000Because, again, these people want to be legends.
02:42:13.000You know, I watched this Hitler documentary and it talked about how Eva Braun, this applies to what we're talking about, it mentioned Eva Braun didn't have to go to the bunker to die with Hitler.
02:42:27.000And this person said that she did it because she knew that by doing that against Hitler's wishes, That she would inevitably die with Hitler and therefore because she was kept behind the scenes and on the back burner so much become a bigger part of history.
02:42:44.000So she could have decided to live a normal life maybe get prosecuted later or whatever but sort of live or go to prison or whatever or go to the bunker and die with Hitler and be part of history forever and be represented as the woman that was with Hitler.
02:43:02.000Have you ever paid attention to all of the information that's out there about how many Nazis fled Germany and went to South America?
02:43:28.000But what there is evidence is a lot of fucking people that live in South America used to be Nazis including like Kennedy had he was on the show and he was talking about finding these people going into their homes and they have pictures of Of Nazi soldiers,
02:44:13.000This is a Nazi officer and this is your grandpa?
02:44:16.000And then you realize like, oh my God, this community, I mean, they have Oktoberfest there where they're all German and they're all drinking beer and wearing Lederhosen and shit.
02:44:39.000I mean, he was doing things that they didn't expect.
02:44:43.000One of the things that i had read about russia was when they had invaded russia they they knew that they were coming but they they estimated it was going to take a certain amount of time but they didn't think they were going to march 24 hours right they were not going to sleep they didn't take any rest they just took speed so they got there earlier than anybody expected yeah and also all going through france they went through uh They went through the forest instead of the plains.
02:45:10.000They were waiting for them on both sides of the openings.
02:45:15.000And they just fucking took their tanks and went right through.
02:45:19.000Just found a way to trudge through the forest and trees.
02:45:30.000Can you imagine the horror of experiencing that during World War II, where you were getting your newspapers, that's all you're getting for information, right?
02:45:40.000Back then, World War II, I mean, how much stuff was on television?
02:46:46.000To be honest with you, I think the Russians are more scared of us than ever, and they're more scared of us than we are of them, that's for sure.
02:46:53.000And that was released, like, the week or two before the end, when the Russians are literally in Berlin.
02:47:01.000Like, they're coming full of thousands of tanks and all of this, you know, all of this war material.
02:47:09.000They're about to hit the center of Germany.
02:47:13.000And they're still, Germany's playing that on their radios and on their TVs or whatever.
02:48:51.000Like if it breaks out, if war breaks out with China and all of a sudden there's like legitimate attacks on cities, and we're like, holy shit.
02:49:02.000We didn't think that this was a real possibility.
02:49:04.000But all this time, maybe that's why when people like Obama get in office and they have a different perspective on the campaign trail than they do once they actually get in office.
02:49:14.000Maybe they're presented with how many moving pieces are on the table and how all this can go wrong at any time and how...
02:49:21.000This nation is trying to do this to this nation.
02:50:19.000So I think in some ways we might have had it in our head, this is something we're going to do like we did in Desert Storm, just wipe them out real quick and that'll be over.
02:50:41.000Like, is that what the world we're dealing with is?
02:50:43.000Like, we were talking about before when it comes to people.
02:50:47.000There's so many things that's not, there's not one real clear answer of what you do that's going to determine the best future for everybody.
02:50:54.000And you could listen to these experts tell you that you can listen to an expert tells you we don't want to be the policeman of the world.
02:51:00.000We need to get out of everywhere now and concentrate on our own domestic issues and just use policy and diplomacy to deal with the rest of the world.
02:51:09.000There's other people that say they will blow us the fuck up.
02:57:01.000I'm showing them how I go through the process.
02:57:07.000First, I'm reviewing other roasts that I've done and I'm hitting pause and I'm showing them how I came up with that and how to kill your babies and write new stuff right before and this and that and how to change things based on what people are wearing or their appearance.
02:57:32.000And also I'm showing people how to put on their own roast with like their family or co-workers and how to book it and how to get help writing and how to set it up.