The Joe Rogan Experience - May 26, 2020


Joe Rogan Experience #1481 - Adam Eget


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 40 minutes

Words per Minute

191.5043

Word Count

30,829

Sentence Count

3,547

Misogynist Sentences

87

Hate Speech Sentences

40


Summary

In this episode, the brother and sister duo of the are joined by their good friend Adam to talk about baseball, women in movies, and the new Terminator movie Terminator: Dark Fate. Also, we talk about Michael Bisping vs. Conor Conor McGregor and why the UFC is the best thing since sliced and dice. Also, the boys talk about the new Star Wars movie Star Wars: The Rise of the Machines and why it s better than all the other movies in the franchise. We also talk about our favorite women in the entertainment industry and why they re better than the rest of the women in Hollywood. Don t miss it! The Podcast is brought to you by SeatGeek and Caff Monster Mashup. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe, rate, and review on iTunes, and tell a friend about what you think of the podcast. Thank you for listening and supporting the podcast! Cheers, Egotistical Egotism, Ego, and Egophoria! - The Ego Gang. P.S. Please don t forget to rate, review, and spread the word to your friends about this podcast. It helps us out there! :) and we'll be looking out for the next episode next week! . Egoophoria.co/EgoPhoria. - Egotophoria , Egotoria, the Egotocracy, the best podcast of the week. . Egotography, the worst podcast in the world! Egotocris, the , the Ego Phobia, the EGOOD EGOphoria, is a new podcast, the most EGOZY, the only podcast about it's best podcast, and we're going to make it better than any other podcast you'll be the best in the country in the next week or the most authentic, and it's going to give you the best of the best, and they'll know who you'll hear about it all of that. EGOHORIEST podcast you can find the best EGOJUY, right? EBOY, EGOZZY, THE EGOY, WE'LL BE THE BEST THAN THAT'S THE MOST ENGOTIC, THE BEST, the MOST REALEST THAN THE BEST!


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Duh!
00:00:01.000 Duh!
00:00:02.000 Duh!
00:00:04.000 Adam, motherfucking egot.
00:00:06.000 How are you, buddy?
00:00:06.000 How are you, brother?
00:00:07.000 Good to see you, my friend.
00:00:07.000 Good to see you.
00:00:08.000 Thanks for having me on.
00:00:09.000 Please.
00:00:10.000 I'm excited to see you.
00:00:12.000 Dude, I haven't seen anybody.
00:00:14.000 I know.
00:00:14.000 It's like you're a long-lost friend.
00:00:16.000 It feels that way.
00:00:17.000 Yeah.
00:00:17.000 But it also feels like you're literally the only person I've seen.
00:00:22.000 Oh, you haven't left the house?
00:00:23.000 Not much.
00:00:23.000 I go out on daily walks.
00:00:25.000 Oh, no.
00:00:26.000 That's not good for the mental health.
00:00:28.000 It's not good at all.
00:00:29.000 How are you feeling?
00:00:30.000 You all right?
00:00:30.000 Yeah, I'm okay.
00:00:31.000 I'm watching a lot of Korean baseball.
00:00:35.000 Why Korean baseball?
00:00:36.000 Because it's the only live sport available.
00:00:38.000 Oh, they're playing in Korea already.
00:00:39.000 Oh, it's wild.
00:00:40.000 The stadiums are empty, but they have cardboard cutouts.
00:00:44.000 Oh, no, they don't.
00:00:45.000 They have cheerleaders with masks and DJs.
00:00:48.000 It's hilarious.
00:00:48.000 Oh, wow.
00:00:49.000 But it's great.
00:00:50.000 It's fun.
00:00:51.000 That's so weird.
00:00:52.000 Yeah.
00:00:52.000 So they use cardboard cutouts in the audience?
00:00:54.000 Yeah.
00:00:55.000 Just in like the front where the cameras are behind home plate.
00:00:58.000 Oh, that's too strange.
00:01:00.000 Oh, it's hilarious.
00:01:00.000 I think I saw that in a movie once.
00:01:02.000 There was a baseball movie and you could clearly see that there was cutouts.
00:01:06.000 Because have you ever seen what happens when they take old movies and then they port them over to like Blu-ray?
00:01:11.000 No.
00:01:12.000 Ugh.
00:01:13.000 One of the best example is Aliens, the second...
00:01:17.000 That's my favorite action movie of all time.
00:01:19.000 It's a great fucking movie.
00:01:21.000 I don't think it's as good a horror movie as the original one.
00:01:24.000 No, it's not a horror movie.
00:01:25.000 Because the first one's a horror movie.
00:01:26.000 Yeah, it's James Cameron.
00:01:27.000 It's just fucking guns blazing.
00:01:29.000 It doesn't stop.
00:01:30.000 It never stops.
00:01:30.000 It's the most adrenaline-fueled movie I've ever seen from beginning in.
00:01:34.000 It just keeps progressively getting more intense and more intense.
00:01:37.000 And you know what's great about those movies?
00:01:40.000 The hero is a woman and no one gives a fuck because they're so good.
00:01:44.000 There's no like, oh yeah, it's a diverse movie.
00:01:48.000 Exactly.
00:01:48.000 It's amazing for women.
00:01:50.000 It's not Captain Marvel.
00:01:51.000 It's a big moment for women.
00:01:51.000 No.
00:01:52.000 Yeah.
00:01:52.000 No, it's just Sigourney Weaver being a fucking badass fighting the most evil monster movies have ever created.
00:02:00.000 Yep.
00:02:00.000 Fuck yeah.
00:02:02.000 That's the best.
00:02:03.000 Yeah, I love that kind of gender equality.
00:02:07.000 When it's just equal because it's awesome and nobody even brings it up.
00:02:12.000 Exactly.
00:02:12.000 Linda Hamilton in Trominator 2. It's like, are you fucking kidding me?
00:02:16.000 You don't need to bring it up.
00:02:17.000 She's doing the chin up.
00:02:19.000 You see her fucking back.
00:02:21.000 Just intense.
00:02:22.000 She's like, I'm gonna fucking kill you.
00:02:25.000 It's amazing.
00:02:27.000 Do you watch Ozark?
00:02:30.000 No.
00:02:31.000 I watched the first four episodes and then I didn't get back into Ozark.
00:02:35.000 The two scariest bitches are women.
00:02:38.000 The two scariest ladies in the show.
00:02:40.000 The two scariest people in the show are two women.
00:02:43.000 Not Laura Linney.
00:02:44.000 No.
00:02:45.000 No, but she's fucking great, too.
00:02:46.000 She's great in everything she's done.
00:02:48.000 She's kind of scary, too.
00:02:48.000 Oh, is she?
00:02:48.000 She's kind of scary, too.
00:02:49.000 The decisions they're willing to make.
00:02:52.000 That's funny.
00:02:52.000 Here's Linda Hamilton doing shit up fucking rough.
00:02:54.000 This is pre-CrossFit, bitches.
00:02:57.000 There was no CrossFit back then.
00:02:58.000 She was a goddamn pioneer.
00:03:00.000 She's like, I'm not gonna fucking die.
00:03:03.000 In the first one, I had a huge crush on her, and in the second one, she terrified me.
00:03:08.000 She was so fucking awesome.
00:03:09.000 She's fierce.
00:03:10.000 Well, she became more fierce, right?
00:03:12.000 She adapted to the world of the Terminators, which doesn't seem that far off from where we're at right now.
00:03:17.000 Not at all.
00:03:18.000 We're like closing in on Terminator time.
00:03:20.000 Oh, definitely.
00:03:20.000 Dude, there's a fucking article I was reading today about a bionic eye that will be available in five years that will be superior to a biological eye.
00:03:30.000 That's insane.
00:03:31.000 Insane.
00:03:32.000 Within five years.
00:03:33.000 And I was going to send it to Michael Bisping.
00:03:36.000 Yeah, that's like, how do they even make Black Mirror anymore?
00:03:40.000 We're already surpassed it.
00:03:41.000 That's what the Black Mirror guy said.
00:03:43.000 He's like, I'm not even doing the season.
00:03:44.000 I can't do it.
00:03:45.000 The world's too absurd.
00:03:46.000 Yeah.
00:03:47.000 But my friend Michael Bisping, he's a former UFC middleweight champion.
00:03:50.000 Yeah, he's from like Manchester or something?
00:03:51.000 Yes, exactly.
00:03:52.000 His one eye is super fucked up.
00:03:55.000 He's had several detached retinas to the point where it's basically blind.
00:04:00.000 He barely can see anything out of one eye.
00:04:02.000 From fighting?
00:04:03.000 Mm-hmm, from fighting.
00:04:03.000 He's a beast.
00:04:04.000 Yeah.
00:04:04.000 Bionic eye could offer perfect sight, night vision, within five years.
00:04:09.000 Motherfucker!
00:04:10.000 That's crazy.
00:04:11.000 This is how they're going to get us, man.
00:04:13.000 Between Elon Musk and these eyeball people, you're going to be half human.
00:04:17.000 Half human in five years.
00:04:19.000 This is five years, because five fucking years from now, they're going to have a human eye that you could...
00:04:24.000 Like, if you lose your eye, like Dan Crenshaw, he's going to be the first president with a bionic eye.
00:04:31.000 He's going to have a bionic eye.
00:04:32.000 He's going to have a fucking artificial...
00:04:34.000 Super high.
00:04:34.000 That's insane.
00:04:35.000 Wait, what happened with the cardboard cutouts?
00:04:37.000 You said when they transferred to Blu-ray.
00:04:39.000 Yeah, that's marijuana talking for you.
00:04:42.000 We went from Korean baseball to Bionic Eye in like two minutes.
00:04:47.000 So this is the cutouts.
00:04:49.000 They're showing us the cutouts in Korean baseball.
00:04:51.000 Oh wait, in soccer they got in trouble because they used the sex dolls.
00:04:55.000 Oh, that's not good.
00:04:58.000 First of all, if this is in America, everybody would be triggered, because it's all white, lettering on red.
00:05:05.000 Like, no!
00:05:06.000 MAGA! They're MAGA-ing!
00:05:08.000 Oh yeah, robot drummers.
00:05:09.000 It's intense.
00:05:10.000 It's wild.
00:05:10.000 It's like the XFL, but baseball in Korea.
00:05:14.000 Seems very strange.
00:05:15.000 It's hilarious.
00:05:15.000 So anyway, I watched Aliens on Blu-ray, and it's so terrible.
00:05:22.000 Why?
00:05:22.000 Not the movie itself, but there's one scene where the spaceship is in the foreground and in the background is supposed to be like, you know, some space type shit.
00:05:32.000 Sure.
00:05:33.000 It looks so bad because it was just a painting.
00:05:36.000 Right, it's a matte painting.
00:05:37.000 Yeah, and because the way they were focusing, you barely could see it, so it was fine in the film when he was watching it in low def on his monitors.
00:05:45.000 He's like, perfect, looks great.
00:05:46.000 But in high def it looks so fake.
00:05:48.000 That makes so much sense.
00:05:49.000 They created it based on the technology available at the time.
00:05:53.000 Yeah, you shouldn't watch those movies enhanced.
00:05:56.000 They should just keep them at the original resolution.
00:05:59.000 It's really kind of stupid to do that because there's stuff they made decisions, man.
00:06:04.000 Back when special effects weren't the same thing.
00:06:06.000 They made decisions.
00:06:08.000 Exactly.
00:06:08.000 And they were good decisions.
00:06:10.000 Yeah, it's hard to watch some of those in high def.
00:06:12.000 You're like ruining the movie.
00:06:14.000 Yeah, it takes you out of the whole thing.
00:06:15.000 Yeah, it does.
00:06:17.000 Also, there's something about when they colorize Gone with the Wind stuff.
00:06:21.000 Like, hey.
00:06:22.000 What are you doing?
00:06:23.000 You're not supposed to do that.
00:06:24.000 I know.
00:06:25.000 You don't have to.
00:06:25.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous.
00:06:26.000 Like, colorize Schindler's List.
00:06:28.000 It's like, what are you doing?
00:06:29.000 Yeah, it's like you forgot what color a dress is.
00:06:32.000 You forgot what a red dress looks like.
00:06:33.000 Bitch, I know what a dress looks like.
00:06:35.000 This is a time capsule.
00:06:37.000 Right?
00:06:38.000 That movie's a time capsule.
00:06:39.000 Exactly.
00:06:41.000 Twilight Zone.
00:06:42.000 Twilight Zone's my favorite television show of all time.
00:06:44.000 I've seen every episode at least five times.
00:06:47.000 I would agree with you, and specifically because of the fact that it came first, but I put Black Mirror in that league.
00:06:56.000 Black Mirror was so good.
00:06:58.000 It's so good.
00:06:58.000 Do you have a favorite Black Mirror episode?
00:07:00.000 Yes.
00:07:01.000 The one that you and I watched when we were getting NAD'd, the museum.
00:07:06.000 Black Mirror.
00:07:06.000 Black Museum.
00:07:07.000 Oh, that was a fucking...
00:07:08.000 That was horrific.
00:07:09.000 Terrifying.
00:07:10.000 Goddamn, that was good.
00:07:11.000 So good.
00:07:12.000 That and Crocodile.
00:07:13.000 Crocodile was very underrated.
00:07:15.000 Very underrated.
00:07:15.000 That was a great one.
00:07:16.000 Very terrifying.
00:07:17.000 Terrifying.
00:07:17.000 Because you could see, like, a good person making these choices, and these choices accelerate to the point where...
00:07:22.000 She was great.
00:07:23.000 Woo!
00:07:23.000 Yeah.
00:07:24.000 That's such a good show.
00:07:25.000 Yeah, that was a great one.
00:07:26.000 I loved the Star Trek one.
00:07:28.000 I know it was very popular, but that one was so well done.
00:07:31.000 Very good.
00:07:32.000 Very creepy, man.
00:07:33.000 Very possible, right?
00:07:35.000 All of it.
00:07:36.000 Look at the Trump one.
00:07:37.000 There's so many.
00:07:38.000 It was a bad episode, but it came true, basically.
00:07:42.000 I didn't see the Trump one.
00:07:44.000 It was like Waldo.
00:07:45.000 It was like this puppet.
00:07:46.000 It was like this mascot who became president.
00:07:51.000 And he was just saying all this outlandish shit.
00:07:53.000 I haven't seen them all.
00:07:54.000 I haven't seen them.
00:07:56.000 The problem is he said outlandish shit over the course of X amount of years.
00:08:02.000 And if you dissect it, it's like he's just spouting it out all day long.
00:08:06.000 The way they do it is they take you out of context and then they change what you are, right?
00:08:11.000 Because if you're a guy like Trump who does say ridiculous shit sometimes, particularly before he was ever president, but a lot of people do.
00:08:18.000 It's called talking shit, and it's what a lot of people do, right?
00:08:22.000 But you can't do that if you ever plan on being president.
00:08:24.000 But if you just take all of those talking shit moments and condense them together and go, This is him!
00:08:29.000 You're like, oh my god, this is a monster.
00:08:32.000 But nobody's like that all day.
00:08:34.000 People fascinate.
00:08:36.000 They vary.
00:08:36.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:08:38.000 There is someone, you know, sometimes the internet really does some great work.
00:08:42.000 And yesterday I saw somebody splice together that great soundbite of him suggesting that they inject humans with Clorox.
00:08:50.000 Yeah.
00:08:53.000 I'm not a scientist, but maybe we do that.
00:08:55.000 And then there's this great clip with Jim Downey and Billy Madison.
00:08:59.000 I don't know if you remember that movie real well.
00:09:00.000 I saw that really recently.
00:09:01.000 So funny.
00:09:02.000 So he's talking all this shit about maybe we can inject it into people.
00:09:05.000 I'm not a scientist, but I don't know, maybe something there.
00:09:08.000 And then it cuts to Jim Downey and he's like...
00:09:11.000 He's like, nowhere in your incoherent ramblings have you said anything that makes any sort of sense.
00:09:18.000 Everyone in this room is now infinitely dumber for having listened to it.
00:09:23.000 I award you no points.
00:09:24.000 And may God have mercy on your soul.
00:09:27.000 It was well done.
00:09:29.000 Beautiful videos that people will post up as a response to things and it's just like you can't say shit when someone says that.
00:09:35.000 They had a great one with Hannah Gadsby cut with like audience.
00:09:39.000 I guess I shouldn't talk about that.
00:09:41.000 Oh, I know what you're talking about.
00:09:43.000 The Apollo.
00:09:44.000 Night at the Apollo.
00:09:45.000 Yeah.
00:09:46.000 Whoops.
00:09:46.000 Yeah.
00:09:47.000 That one.
00:09:47.000 That's crazy.
00:09:48.000 Yeah.
00:09:49.000 That video is hilarious.
00:09:50.000 Ah, I miss the comedy store.
00:09:50.000 The internet's undefeated.
00:09:52.000 Yeah, man, I miss the Comedy Store, too.
00:09:54.000 For people who don't know, like, who's this Adam guy?
00:09:56.000 You are the man who got me to come back to the Comedy Store.
00:09:59.000 You came to the improv.
00:10:00.000 I mean, I appreciate that.
00:10:01.000 It's true.
00:10:01.000 It was my number one goal.
00:10:03.000 There was two things that happened.
00:10:05.000 The first one was you coming to the improv and talking to me and explaining to me things are different and all the old people.
00:10:12.000 We know each other for a long time.
00:10:14.000 Well, we knew each other from Tempe.
00:10:15.000 Yeah, and then the second thing that got me to do it was Ari, when Ari was having his special there.
00:10:21.000 Dude, that was the hardest I ever worked, to get them to greenlight that special.
00:10:26.000 It was so important to me, because we love Ari to death.
00:10:30.000 Ari is, to me, I mean, I've known Ari since he was a doorman at the Comedy Store.
00:10:35.000 We became friends when he was a doorman.
00:10:38.000 He was just starting out.
00:10:40.000 And to see him go from being a doorman to filming his special at the Comedy Store, I was like, I have to be there.
00:10:48.000 Even if I have to swallow my pride, I have to be there.
00:10:51.000 So he was filming on a Wednesday, so I went on Tuesday just so it wouldn't shock my system and I could just appreciate his filming.
00:10:58.000 Nice.
00:10:59.000 So I came down Tuesday, and it was Roast Battle.
00:11:01.000 And I was like, holy shit.
00:11:03.000 And Jeff Ross gave me this crazy introduction at Roast Battle.
00:11:07.000 That was the first time I was at the Comedy Store in seven years.
00:11:11.000 And then I was seeing how creative everybody was.
00:11:15.000 The Roast Battle thing was so...
00:11:17.000 So different.
00:11:18.000 Because it's obviously like jokes that these guys had to write about each other.
00:11:23.000 Yeah.
00:11:24.000 So it's like it forces you into writing jokes.
00:11:26.000 It takes away the one thing that fucks most comedians is that they don't write.
00:11:31.000 So when you're forced into a battle, like you're going to have to do battle next Tuesday with this girl, and this girl's vicious, like you've got to come up with some mean shit to say about her and it better be really funny.
00:11:40.000 And she's writing some mean shit about you.
00:11:42.000 Yeah, you already know that she's going to have some shit for you.
00:11:45.000 It's not my style.
00:11:46.000 I don't do comedy like that.
00:11:47.000 It's a different muscle.
00:11:48.000 Yeah, it's just a different...
00:11:49.000 I'm too mean in real life.
00:11:51.000 I don't want to turn that on for comedy.
00:11:54.000 I don't like that part of me.
00:11:55.000 I like to keep that part locked away.
00:11:57.000 When people get real mean and nasty with each other, I'm like, Jesus!
00:12:02.000 It makes me uncomfortable but laugh at the same time.
00:12:04.000 But I don't have that thing in me.
00:12:07.000 I'm not interested in that.
00:12:08.000 But that style is...
00:12:11.000 Even though it's brutal, everyone agrees.
00:12:13.000 Everyone knows what they're doing to each other.
00:12:15.000 And then I love how Brian has everybody hug it out.
00:12:18.000 It's great.
00:12:19.000 It's amazing.
00:12:19.000 It is great.
00:12:20.000 He's the perfect host for it, too.
00:12:23.000 He's so friendly.
00:12:25.000 He's just so likable.
00:12:26.000 He's charismatic.
00:12:28.000 He is the perfect host for that.
00:12:30.000 Yeah, and it's just like the whole thing.
00:12:32.000 When I was there, I was like, man, this is just so different.
00:12:36.000 It's a wildly different club.
00:12:37.000 When the old talent coordinator left, it was like...
00:12:42.000 It was just a complete 180. Everything just started.
00:12:45.000 You were the catalyst for the truly great years that we were able to experience before this pandemic.
00:12:53.000 But you could see everything starting to shift a little bit with Roast Battle.
00:13:02.000 And then when Tommy left, it was like the floodgates opened.
00:13:05.000 We were able to get rid of some of the old blood and some of the people that were weighing the lineups down.
00:13:11.000 But you coming back was everything.
00:13:13.000 I mean, that was so baffling to me when I first came to the Comedy Store about 10 years ago, because I remember hearing about the Mencia beef and everything, and then I'm like, what happened?
00:13:24.000 And when I heard about what happened, I was like...
00:13:28.000 How is this allowed?
00:13:29.000 How did this happen?
00:13:30.000 So I knew when I took over, I was like, I don't care what I have to do.
00:13:34.000 And, like, you made the decision all on your own.
00:13:36.000 All I did was say, hey, give it a shot.
00:13:38.000 You know, come down at least just to visit.
00:13:40.000 It seemed like a different world back then.
00:13:44.000 You know, just a different world.
00:13:45.000 And then, you know, after the old guard was kicked out, it was like an exorcism.
00:13:50.000 Like, the moment I came back to the place, I was like, this is a different place.
00:13:53.000 It's not even the old Comedy Store, because in the 70 years, it had kind of gone through a new rebirth.
00:13:59.000 You know, I think that place goes through cycles.
00:14:01.000 When I came there in the 90s, it was dog shit.
00:14:04.000 It was terrible.
00:14:05.000 Tell me about it.
00:14:06.000 What was it like?
00:14:07.000 Oh my god, it was terrible.
00:14:08.000 It was terrible, except for when the greats would show up.
00:14:11.000 Like every now and then, Martin Lawrence would show up.
00:14:14.000 Every now and then, Damon Wayans would show up.
00:14:16.000 In their prime.
00:14:17.000 Yeah, in their prime.
00:14:19.000 Murderers.
00:14:19.000 Dude, I've never bombed harder in my life than following Marlon.
00:14:24.000 Excuse me, following Martin or following Damon.
00:14:28.000 Following either one of them.
00:14:29.000 Or Marlon.
00:14:31.000 Shit.
00:14:31.000 Or Tommy Davidson back then.
00:14:33.000 Oh, he was great.
00:14:34.000 Oh my god, dude.
00:14:36.000 Dude, Tommy Davidson used to murder.
00:14:38.000 Everybody murdered!
00:14:39.000 But there was only like a few, and they wouldn't come that often.
00:14:42.000 So it was like, when Martin would come, the main room would be flooded with people just Pauling out into the hallways like people forgot how big Martin Lawrence was in those days This is the leather jumpsuit days sure the you so crazy days,
00:14:57.000 bro He was on top of the world.
00:14:59.000 Yeah, he was king of the world for sure He was on top of the world like people forgot they forgot how hard he murdered too.
00:15:04.000 He was so good The hardest decision I ever had to make was one day Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock showed up at the same exact time and they both wanted to go up and I had to decide Who is gonna go on?
00:15:16.000 That was a tough one How long ago was this?
00:15:20.000 This was about a year ago.
00:15:22.000 Yeah.
00:15:23.000 A year and a half ago.
00:15:24.000 That's a hard one, you know?
00:15:25.000 Yeah.
00:15:26.000 But they should work that out.
00:15:27.000 Yeah, right?
00:15:28.000 That shouldn't be me.
00:15:29.000 That's too hard for you.
00:15:30.000 If there's two of them, I would go ahead, man.
00:15:33.000 I'll go after you.
00:15:34.000 How long are you going to do?
00:15:34.000 Exactly.
00:15:35.000 Yeah.
00:15:35.000 I don't want any beef.
00:15:37.000 And with those two guys, they're both legends.
00:15:40.000 They're both legends.
00:15:41.000 When I used to follow Martin Lawrence, man, I developed...
00:15:46.000 Like this ability to accept the fact that I was gonna eat shit and Not be so scared because I had gotten beaten down a bunch of times by those crowds and that was the brilliance of Mitzi She knew that you know, it was a tough spot She'd just put me on after Martin Lawrence every time,
00:16:05.000 dude.
00:16:05.000 If she was on the line, it'd be like Martin Lawrence, he'd do 45 minutes, and then it'd be Joe Rogan.
00:16:10.000 I'm like, death!
00:16:11.000 You ever seen that video online where there's these Nigerian guys, or these African guys, rather, and it's at a funeral, and when the music starts playing, they go to these guys, and then there's a guy getting knocked out, and then when the guy gets knocked out, you go back to the guys dancing with the coffin.
00:16:28.000 It's a funny meme in MMA circles.
00:16:30.000 You know what I'm talking about?
00:16:31.000 I just saw it.
00:16:33.000 I think Donald Trump's account posted it with a clip of Biden saying that stuff to Charlemagne.
00:16:38.000 Oh, no.
00:16:39.000 There's the Biden account going into the coffin.
00:16:41.000 Oh, please, please see if you can find that.
00:16:43.000 Please see if you can find that.
00:16:45.000 Who posted it?
00:16:46.000 Donald Trump himself?
00:16:47.000 I think it was on Donald Trump's Snapchat.
00:16:49.000 So whoever's controlling that, I don't think he's running his own.
00:16:51.000 So that's you in the coffin every time you had to do a set after Mark.
00:16:55.000 I would eat shit.
00:16:55.000 I would eat shit.
00:16:56.000 And everybody would leave.
00:16:57.000 I love that about Mitzi, that she would do that.
00:17:00.000 And if you ever once said anything about having to do it, she would put you on ten times more right after the same spot.
00:17:06.000 Oh, she'd put you on at one in the morning.
00:17:08.000 She'd be like, oh, you don't want that spot?
00:17:09.000 Okay, I'll put you on at one in the morning, you fuck.
00:17:12.000 And she would yell at you, too.
00:17:13.000 And people that have beef, she would always put you one after the other.
00:17:16.000 Or people that were dating and break up.
00:17:19.000 I love that about her.
00:17:21.000 Fucking love that.
00:17:22.000 What a legend.
00:17:23.000 That's how you treat it as a real gem, because that's where you would get that real workout in, is the emotional pangs.
00:17:30.000 But it's also like, as a comic, you've got to learn how to come out of the gate.
00:17:34.000 When people don't know who you are, and you have a lot to prove, and you're going on after someone who is a legend.
00:17:39.000 So it's like, you have to develop that ability to follow those folks, because in a normal club, you would get a chance, right?
00:17:46.000 You'd go on stage, you'd be easy.
00:17:47.000 No one killed before you.
00:17:49.000 You just easy.
00:17:49.000 You stroll out there.
00:17:50.000 How's everybody doing?
00:17:51.000 Right.
00:17:52.000 Good looking crowd.
00:17:53.000 Let me tell you something about my day.
00:17:54.000 And you can kind of go into it.
00:17:56.000 Like, you know, ease into it.
00:17:57.000 But after Martin Lawrence crushes, bro, you got to come with some strong shit.
00:18:01.000 Right out of the gate.
00:18:02.000 There's only like 25 people going to stay no matter what you do.
00:18:05.000 Exactly.
00:18:06.000 No matter what you do.
00:18:07.000 I would watch masses of people just...
00:18:09.000 Lift off their chairs and leave the room.
00:18:12.000 No one stayed.
00:18:13.000 Yeah, and I'll bet 50% of your set is just resetting the room.
00:18:17.000 I mean, how do you even...
00:18:18.000 Good God, the first five minutes is...
00:18:20.000 You learn how to eat shit.
00:18:21.000 This is Donald Trump.
00:18:22.000 This is actually Donald Trump's Snapchat, and he put this...
00:18:25.000 These guys right here, and it comes with this fucking music.
00:18:31.000 There's so many knockouts.
00:18:33.000 Here it is.
00:18:34.000 You got more questions, but I tell you, if you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black.
00:18:42.000 And it's them carrying a coffin.
00:18:44.000 This is Biden for president on the coffin.
00:18:47.000 The president tweeted that.
00:18:49.000 Yes, of course he did.
00:18:51.000 Look, dude, he knows how to use the internet, man, and his son knows how to use the internet.
00:18:55.000 Donald Trump Jr., they use him for all the wild shit.
00:18:58.000 When they need to post something really wild, they go to Don Jr.'s Instagram.
00:19:03.000 That's fucking great.
00:19:04.000 Listen, man, they're playing dirty, everybody's playing dirty.
00:19:07.000 Yeah.
00:19:08.000 The world's playing dirty.
00:19:09.000 Different world.
00:19:09.000 They're all pretending you're someone who not, lying about this.
00:19:12.000 No one's gonna be honest.
00:19:14.000 It's just about creating impressions and memes and getting these short attention span motherfuckers to hold on to a narrative as hard as possible.
00:19:23.000 Russia!
00:19:24.000 Russia game!
00:19:24.000 Russia!
00:19:25.000 Whatever it is.
00:19:27.000 Ask people, they're upset, they don't even know what happened.
00:19:30.000 That's 90% of the people out there, man.
00:19:32.000 We live in the...
00:19:33.000 And now it's going to be even weirder because everybody's going to be so stressed out because the economy's in this shit.
00:19:38.000 Yeah.
00:19:38.000 And it's not going to get out of there any quick, anytime soon.
00:19:42.000 It's going to take some time.
00:19:43.000 What's going to happen?
00:19:44.000 I mean, this is going to be class war.
00:19:46.000 Because the people that can afford to stay home...
00:19:48.000 Mm-hmm.
00:19:49.000 They want everyone to go out and get the economy going.
00:19:54.000 They're super rich.
00:19:55.000 They don't give a fuck about people dying.
00:19:57.000 They can stay in their mansions.
00:19:58.000 There's that aspect of it.
00:20:01.000 Those are the ones that I don't think are looking at it correctly in terms of the actual danger of the virus.
00:20:07.000 But then there's other people that are like, hey, I don't want to lose my business.
00:20:10.000 Why don't you restart the economy so I can take a chance?
00:20:13.000 I'd rather take a fucking chance.
00:20:14.000 I'm losing everything.
00:20:15.000 I'm 99.999999% sure I'm going to fucking survive this.
00:20:20.000 I'm going to know it's coming.
00:20:21.000 I'm going to take a lot of vitamins.
00:20:23.000 Let me do what I have to do.
00:20:26.000 Let's quarantine the people that are in danger.
00:20:28.000 Let's quarantine old people.
00:20:29.000 Let's keep them away until it goes away.
00:20:31.000 Let's quarantine sick people.
00:20:33.000 This is what we need to do.
00:20:35.000 This is what needs to be done.
00:20:36.000 Not lock the whole fucking country down.
00:20:38.000 Once they do that, man, they don't want to undo that.
00:20:41.000 I don't know when reason left the world, but in so many different aspects of the world.
00:20:45.000 Is that what it was?
00:20:46.000 Twitter?
00:20:46.000 I mean, there's just no reason almost anywhere.
00:20:50.000 Well, I think the reason is to save lives.
00:20:52.000 It just doesn't make sense.
00:20:53.000 It doesn't work right.
00:20:54.000 Because you're losing lives with everything.
00:20:57.000 Dude, there's an article that I was reading in the Washington Examiner.
00:21:02.000 One of those is a weird newspaper.
00:21:05.000 And it's one of those ones like, what is the bias of the Washington Examiner?
00:21:13.000 But it's basically saying that there's more people dead from suicide in Northern California than there were from coronavirus deaths.
00:21:22.000 During the lockdown.
00:21:24.000 Because people are fully in despair.
00:21:27.000 They're losing everything.
00:21:27.000 They're going bankrupt.
00:21:28.000 And they don't see any way out of it.
00:21:30.000 Well, if it wasn't for Korean baseball I would be fucking blowing my fucking head off.
00:21:35.000 I've watched so many movies.
00:21:38.000 I've watched everything.
00:21:40.000 Just everything?
00:21:41.000 Everything.
00:21:42.000 Not really everything.
00:21:43.000 I still haven't seen the new Adam Sandler movie, the Diamond movie.
00:21:46.000 It's supposed to be Uncut Gems.
00:21:47.000 Oh, that was my favorite.
00:21:49.000 That and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood were my two favorites that year.
00:21:52.000 I have two young girls, and I can't really watch fucked up movies with them.
00:21:57.000 Sure.
00:21:59.000 I got yelled at for watching Alien with one of them.
00:22:01.000 The first or second?
00:22:02.000 The first one.
00:22:04.000 Well, yeah, maybe.
00:22:07.000 Maybe the first.
00:22:08.000 I was like, come on.
00:22:12.000 I'd watch it.
00:22:14.000 My mother had me watch those movies when I was really little.
00:22:17.000 She watched scary movies with me.
00:22:19.000 The first scary movie I ever saw was The Shining.
00:22:23.000 So it is a true statistic.
00:22:24.000 Bay Area doctors seeing more suicides during coronavirus stay-at-home order.
00:22:28.000 It's at one hospital, though.
00:22:29.000 Oh.
00:22:30.000 So they reported it and said it's the whole area.
00:22:33.000 See?
00:22:33.000 Good for you, Jamie.
00:22:34.000 That's real news.
00:22:35.000 That's real news, folks.
00:22:37.000 That's how you're supposed to do it.
00:22:38.000 You're not supposed to lie and read the statistic all fucked up.
00:22:42.000 Right.
00:22:43.000 You know?
00:22:45.000 Sometimes people do things like that and you're like, oh, you can't do that.
00:22:50.000 I just saw...
00:22:51.000 I feel like maybe it was something you said.
00:22:56.000 Ah, fuck, I can't remember.
00:22:58.000 There's no weed in this?
00:22:59.000 No, zero.
00:23:00.000 This is just 25 milligrams of CBD and some delicious Kill Cliff mango goodness.
00:23:05.000 Well, then I'm just fucktarded.
00:23:08.000 It happens, bro.
00:23:10.000 When do you think we'll be able to start up shows again?
00:23:12.000 I'm really hoping in July.
00:23:14.000 Jesus Christ, July.
00:23:15.000 I feel like I know, but realistically, I think July.
00:23:19.000 What would you think about opening up a comedy store in Austin, Texas?
00:23:23.000 I mean, that would do really well.
00:23:26.000 I think it would do really well.
00:23:26.000 I think it really would.
00:23:28.000 The conversations I've been having on the phone lately?
00:23:32.000 I did reconnaissance this weekend.
00:23:34.000 Did you?
00:23:34.000 I flew to Texas.
00:23:35.000 Oh, shit.
00:23:36.000 Yeah.
00:23:37.000 Do you know Charlie?
00:23:39.000 Do you know the guy who runs South by Southwest Comedy Division?
00:23:46.000 He'd be a good guy to talk to, probably.
00:23:49.000 Well, I would just talk to comedians.
00:23:50.000 That's great.
00:23:51.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't need to talk to anybody but the comics.
00:23:55.000 I just feel like...
00:23:57.000 There's a lot of people in Austin.
00:23:59.000 There's a million people.
00:24:00.000 They have two good comedy clubs right now.
00:24:02.000 Cap City's a great room.
00:24:04.000 And then they have the Velveeta room, which I've never done, but I hear really good things about.
00:24:09.000 And I don't know if they have anything else.
00:24:11.000 I think that's it.
00:24:13.000 I've been to South by Southwest a couple different times for Comedy Week, and it's just been insane.
00:24:18.000 It's a great town.
00:24:19.000 Yeah.
00:24:20.000 I just think there's a real problem with, first of all, the volume of humans here is unmanageable.
00:24:26.000 And there's a real problem with the government telling us what to do here.
00:24:30.000 There's things that don't make sense.
00:24:31.000 And here's the best example.
00:24:33.000 They recently decided to open it back up for movies.
00:24:36.000 For movies and television production.
00:24:38.000 Oh, okay.
00:24:39.000 But not for churches.
00:24:42.000 What?
00:24:44.000 Wait a minute, what are you saying?
00:24:48.000 How about give a church 25% capacity, just like you would other businesses?
00:24:53.000 That makes sense, and that's what we were talking about.
00:24:54.000 Some reason, balance.
00:24:56.000 Have more than one service in the day.
00:24:58.000 You don't have to just...
00:25:00.000 It doesn't make sense if some things can do their job, and you call them essential businesses, and some can't.
00:25:08.000 If you're saying that film production is okay...
00:25:13.000 Here's a weird one.
00:25:14.000 You can't have Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, but liquor stores are essential businesses.
00:25:19.000 That's insane.
00:25:20.000 It's so fucked up.
00:25:21.000 That's fucking crazy.
00:25:22.000 It's so fucked up.
00:25:23.000 Adam Curry told me that.
00:25:24.000 And when I read it, I was like, oh no.
00:25:28.000 And there's logic to the essential business part of the liquor store thing.
00:25:31.000 Because look, man, people are freaked out.
00:25:34.000 They need something to calm them down.
00:25:35.000 If they can't get any booze at all, shit could get really bad.
00:25:38.000 And the hospitals need the beds.
00:25:40.000 So when people detox off alcohol, it's very dangerous.
00:25:43.000 That's actually how Amy Winehouse died.
00:25:45.000 She died from detoxing from alcohol.
00:25:47.000 It's a hard fucking fall, too.
00:25:50.000 So they need the hospital beds.
00:25:51.000 They can't have people detoxing while everybody's dying of COVID. Makes sense to me.
00:25:56.000 They deemed it an essential business, but...
00:25:58.000 Fucking Alcoholics Anonymous, man.
00:26:00.000 You gotta keep that open.
00:26:01.000 I do an Alcoholics Anonymous Zoom call once a week, and most of them are fucking terrible, man.
00:26:11.000 You gotta be in person with people.
00:26:13.000 That doesn't make sense.
00:26:14.000 That could really help.
00:26:15.000 The same as my kids are going to Zoom school.
00:26:18.000 You gotta be in person.
00:26:20.000 It's not the way to do it.
00:26:22.000 You gotta be in person with people.
00:26:23.000 I'm telling you it's the fucking worst.
00:26:25.000 Have you seen some of the stand-up zooms?
00:26:27.000 Fuck them.
00:26:28.000 That is ridiculous.
00:26:30.000 That's like pretending you're in a swimming race in your living room.
00:26:33.000 I'm swimming.
00:26:34.000 Look, I'm on the floor.
00:26:36.000 I'm swimming.
00:26:37.000 But you're not swimming.
00:26:39.000 You're not doing comedy.
00:26:41.000 You're fucking doing something weird, man, because you wish you could do comedy.
00:26:45.000 It's so bad.
00:26:46.000 It's so painful to watch.
00:26:47.000 Timing is everything, and it kills the timing.
00:26:50.000 You have no energy, no audience reaction.
00:26:53.000 It's not stand-up.
00:26:55.000 No, it's not stand-up.
00:26:56.000 Phoenix is holding shows again.
00:26:59.000 Wow!
00:26:59.000 Phoenix has full nightclubs again.
00:27:01.000 Jesus!
00:27:02.000 Yeah, Floyd Mayweather was spotted at this Phoenix nightclub.
00:27:06.000 No masks on in the whole place, bumper to bumper with people.
00:27:10.000 Really?
00:27:10.000 Again, balance.
00:27:11.000 I feel like maybe...
00:27:13.000 Let them do it.
00:27:13.000 Let them do it.
00:27:14.000 That's what I say.
00:27:15.000 Let them do it.
00:27:16.000 Listen, man, this is not what we thought it was going to be.
00:27:18.000 It's not killing people at the rate we thought it was going to.
00:27:20.000 We would have never signed up for this if we thought it was really going to kill 0.1% of the population that catch it.
00:27:26.000 And you realize how many people catch it and don't even know they had it.
00:27:30.000 And then you look at the average age that people are dying from.
00:27:32.000 It's literally older than the average age people die.
00:27:35.000 Oh, well then, what the fuck?
00:27:36.000 The whole thing makes no sense.
00:27:37.000 No.
00:27:37.000 This is not something you should shut the economy down for.
00:27:40.000 We thought it was.
00:27:40.000 We thought it was going to be a terrible thing that was going to wreck havoc.
00:27:43.000 And they'll point out individual cases of people that are really young or healthy and something goes wrong with them.
00:27:50.000 100%.
00:27:50.000 Yeah, that's terrible.
00:27:51.000 But we should just be careful.
00:27:54.000 Doesn't mean we should keep everything shut down.
00:27:56.000 It's rare that these people exist.
00:27:58.000 These young people that get sick that you hear about, it's not normal.
00:28:02.000 Why aren't we reassessing the situation then?
00:28:05.000 I don't know, man.
00:28:06.000 Are they going to see how these other cities that have opened up do and how that goes and then reevaluate?
00:28:13.000 This is a very conservative state in that regard.
00:28:14.000 It means very liberal, but it's very conservative in the regard of how they're approaching this thing.
00:28:19.000 They're doing it very slowly and very deliberately.
00:28:23.000 You know, I don't agree with it.
00:28:25.000 I just think at a certain point in time, you have to adjust.
00:28:28.000 It is not what we thought it was going to be.
00:28:30.000 We thought there were going to be hundreds of thousands of people dead.
00:28:32.000 In this state, there's only 2,000 people dead.
00:28:35.000 But people are dying from all kinds of shit all the time.
00:28:38.000 We can't just focus on one thing.
00:28:40.000 Of course.
00:28:41.000 While this is happening, people are dying in this state of tuberculosis, lung cancer, liver cancer.
00:28:46.000 They're dying.
00:28:48.000 So do you think this is a political thing?
00:28:50.000 I don't know, man.
00:28:51.000 To try and keep the economy shitting?
00:28:52.000 No, I don't think so.
00:28:53.000 I don't think that.
00:28:54.000 I've heard that crazy conspiracy theory.
00:28:56.000 I don't think that.
00:28:56.000 I think it's a matter of, first of all, there's a lot of people that are legitimately scared.
00:29:00.000 Yeah.
00:29:01.000 I mean, I talk to kids' parents that don't want the kids going back to school in September.
00:29:07.000 These people are legitimately scared.
00:29:08.000 They think it's going to get worse.
00:29:09.000 Oh, my God.
00:29:10.000 If I had kids at home, fucking open it up.
00:29:13.000 Open the fucking schools immediately.
00:29:15.000 For children, it's very rare that it's fatal.
00:29:18.000 Very rare that it's fatal.
00:29:19.000 But the flu is far more fatal.
00:29:21.000 The flu is far more fatal for children.
00:29:24.000 And during flu season, we willingly let kids go to school and we don't even think about it.
00:29:28.000 Yeah, right.
00:29:29.000 Yeah, you have to think about it.
00:29:30.000 If you're really worried about children, the flu is far more deadly.
00:29:33.000 Now, this is not dismissing the deadliness of this disease.
00:29:36.000 This is a terrible disease.
00:29:38.000 Michael Yeo got it and he almost died.
00:29:39.000 But a lot of things happened to Michael Yeo.
00:29:42.000 He flew all the way to fucking New York with no sleep.
00:29:45.000 He did radio.
00:29:46.000 He did all those kinds of shit.
00:29:47.000 He did shows there.
00:29:48.000 No sleep.
00:29:48.000 Flies back and then drives from his house to Vegas and then back with his family in the same day.
00:29:55.000 Then he has two days of auditions.
00:29:57.000 Plus, he's vitamin D deficient.
00:29:59.000 Oh, well there you go.
00:30:00.000 I was thinking all this.
00:30:00.000 I was like, well, Michael Yeo is a strong guy.
00:30:02.000 He's healthy and vibrant.
00:30:05.000 Like if that guy got sick from it, oh my god, this is scary.
00:30:08.000 No vitamin D. Vitamin D deficiency is something that exists in like 70% of the population.
00:30:14.000 70% of the people in this country are vitamin D deficient.
00:30:18.000 First thing I did when I saw that we were going to be quarantined, I ordered a shit ton of vitamin D online.
00:30:24.000 So I'd take some every day.
00:30:26.000 I'd try and go out in the sun every day because, yeah, I don't want this fucking thing.
00:30:30.000 I think I had it.
00:30:31.000 I think I had it in January.
00:30:32.000 Everybody thinks they had it.
00:30:33.000 I really did.
00:30:34.000 I've never had a cough like this in my life where I was wheezing.
00:30:37.000 I could barely breathe.
00:30:38.000 And the doctors were baffled.
00:30:40.000 They took chest x-rays, had it for three weeks.
00:30:43.000 But who fucking knows?
00:30:44.000 You might have had it.
00:30:45.000 I thought I had it too.
00:30:45.000 I'll get an antibody test and figure it out.
00:30:47.000 I thought I had it and didn't even feel it.
00:30:49.000 That makes sense.
00:30:50.000 If there's anybody I could think of that would have it and not be able to feel it, it would be you for sure.
00:30:54.000 No, I'm pretty sensitive to that kind of shit.
00:30:56.000 Congrats, by the way, on fucking Spotify.
00:30:59.000 Thank you.
00:30:59.000 Holy shit.
00:31:01.000 I know.
00:31:01.000 Crazy, right?
00:31:01.000 So well deserved, man.
00:31:03.000 Thank you.
00:31:03.000 God damn.
00:31:04.000 Very nice of you.
00:31:07.000 Sorry, I didn't want to forget.
00:31:08.000 No worries.
00:31:08.000 I didn't want to fucking forget...
00:31:10.000 Yeah, dude, I've been ultra paying attention to my health while this is all going on.
00:31:14.000 That's one thing that's helped a lot.
00:31:16.000 Like, while this is going on...
00:31:17.000 You're always paying attention to my health.
00:31:18.000 Yeah, but really.
00:31:19.000 Like, I'm in the sauna every day.
00:31:20.000 25 minutes every day.
00:31:22.000 No excuses.
00:31:23.000 Like, super regular workout routine.
00:31:25.000 Super regular with my vitamins.
00:31:27.000 Super regular with everything.
00:31:28.000 Just being really on the ball.
00:31:30.000 Because it made me...
00:31:33.000 You can't take your health for granted.
00:31:35.000 And that's a simple statement that sort of just bounces around a room like a beach ball doesn't mean anything.
00:31:42.000 This puts it in perspective.
00:31:43.000 Yes!
00:31:44.000 This puts it in perspective.
00:31:45.000 There's no doubt about it.
00:31:46.000 And in the beginning, people were less cunty, too.
00:31:48.000 I don't know if you noticed.
00:31:49.000 Yeah.
00:31:50.000 Because they were really worried they were going to die.
00:31:51.000 Yeah.
00:31:51.000 And so things meant something.
00:31:53.000 You know what it reminded me of?
00:31:54.000 It was like the week after 9-11.
00:31:57.000 Everyone was real friendly with each other, super neighborly, and now it's like I go out in traffic, people are cutting each other off.
00:32:04.000 But it's worse than 9-11 because after 9-11 people went back to normal.
00:32:09.000 Now they're going to go back from all this niceness.
00:32:12.000 They're going to go back to being a cunt and there's no work.
00:32:15.000 And then they're angry.
00:32:17.000 And you were saying something important earlier.
00:32:19.000 You said we could fall into some sort of a class warfare type situation.
00:32:23.000 Yeah, it is terrifying.
00:32:25.000 And I don't think it had to be this way.
00:32:28.000 And I don't think it has to stay this way.
00:32:29.000 And they're talking about not even opening up L.A. until July 4th, 4th of July weekend.
00:32:34.000 Like, hey man, like, why?
00:32:36.000 This is so arbitrary.
00:32:39.000 And there's no talk whatsoever about strengthening your immune system.
00:32:42.000 None.
00:32:42.000 Yeah, what the fuck?
00:32:44.000 Like, the most important things are just falling by the waist.
00:32:46.000 Like, I don't understand that.
00:32:47.000 It's poor government.
00:32:48.000 It's just poor leadership.
00:32:49.000 It's poor leadership.
00:32:50.000 That's what it is.
00:32:52.000 It's leading, only looking at one perspective, and that's the perspective that enhances fear.
00:32:57.000 This is, wear a mask, wear your gloves, use hand sanitizer, don't touch anything, stay apart from each other.
00:33:04.000 And then the other perspective is get out in the sun, get your vitamin D, drink lots of water, stop drinking soda, check your vitamin levels if you can, but give yourself X amount of vitamin C a day, X amount of D, take zinc.
00:33:17.000 Zinc has been shown to have a very positive effect on people with high zinc levels or sufficient zinc levels that have this virus also have a much better outcome.
00:33:26.000 That's all I take every morning.
00:33:27.000 I take one zinc, one vitamin D, and two airborns.
00:33:30.000 But you won't hear any of this shit.
00:33:32.000 No.
00:33:32.000 That's what's so crazy.
00:33:33.000 I had to look it up.
00:33:34.000 I mean, people fucking, they should be, yeah, they should be pumping this into our fucking bloodstream via the news, but it's all bullshit.
00:33:41.000 It's all bullshit.
00:33:42.000 When Rhonda Patrick was talking about the vitamin D levels in people that are in ICU, it's like, if you were a scientist, you'd be like, hold on, we found it.
00:33:49.000 Yeah.
00:33:50.000 What?
00:33:50.000 Wait a minute.
00:33:51.000 86% of the people in the ICU are deficient in vitamin D, and then 4% have sufficient levels of vitamin D? 4%.
00:34:00.000 That's insane.
00:34:02.000 It's 80-something percent versus 4%.
00:34:04.000 You're like, holy fuck!
00:34:07.000 Holy fuck!
00:34:08.000 I don't understand where the last...
00:34:09.000 Dude, it makes zero sense.
00:34:11.000 It makes zero sense.
00:34:13.000 I wish that we could open the store tomorrow.
00:34:16.000 Yes.
00:34:17.000 Like, we should be able to open the original room at, start out at 25% capacity, you know?
00:34:23.000 Yeah, well just, what does it usually fit?
00:34:26.000 150 people?
00:34:27.000 150 about, yeah.
00:34:28.000 Just 75 people, you folks.
00:34:31.000 Yeah, we can space it out.
00:34:32.000 How about just get everybody to sign a waiver?
00:34:34.000 Right.
00:34:34.000 Just sign a fucking waiver.
00:34:36.000 Let's do this.
00:34:37.000 And if you have a sick mom at home or if you have someone vulnerable at home, don't go out to these places.
00:34:43.000 You're the one who should make the sacrifice.
00:34:45.000 Shouldn't be the whole world sacrificing.
00:34:47.000 Exactly, but we can't rely on these fucking assholes.
00:34:49.000 So can you take a temp?
00:34:52.000 Yes, they did it in the restaurant I went to in Texas.
00:34:55.000 I went to a real restaurant.
00:34:56.000 So we'll just get one of those fucking forehead temps.
00:34:57.000 Shout out to the Lonesome Dove.
00:34:59.000 I ate at this Lonesome Dove restaurant in Austin.
00:35:02.000 They take a fucking thermostat, they put it to your forehead, and they read, you're like, you're all good.
00:35:07.000 And then you write on this thing, have you been in contact with anybody who has COVID? Have you had a fever?
00:35:13.000 Have you had any cold-like symptoms?
00:35:15.000 And as long as you're clear on all that stuff...
00:35:18.000 We should be doing that and call it a day.
00:35:20.000 They wear a mask, they stay away from you, I mean, mostly, except when they're taking your meal or dropping off your meal.
00:35:26.000 Because we've already gone over the game plan ad nauseum.
00:35:29.000 We know exactly how we're going to do it, you know, how to have access to the bathrooms, social distancing in the room, where the comics can enter the stage so they're not fucking in the thick of it.
00:35:43.000 We're ready to go.
00:35:44.000 All we need is the green light.
00:35:46.000 I don't know.
00:35:46.000 The problem is they're never going to want to give that green light.
00:35:49.000 I mean, they're going to have to give.
00:35:51.000 I really feel like early July, we'll get a percentage green light for one of the rooms.
00:35:58.000 I really think so.
00:35:59.000 They're going to let you have half the belly room.
00:36:01.000 No.
00:36:02.000 I'll take whatever.
00:36:04.000 I know.
00:36:05.000 I'll take it, too.
00:36:06.000 Goddamn.
00:36:06.000 I never thought I'd miss that place that much.
00:36:09.000 Yeah.
00:36:09.000 Dude, I miss it bad.
00:36:10.000 It got to a point where I'm like, I just want to fucking hide there because everybody wants something and I didn't have shit to give them.
00:36:18.000 Right, right.
00:36:19.000 You know?
00:36:19.000 Yeah.
00:36:20.000 And that's a weird position as a talent coordinator for a comedy club where all the best comedians go to.
00:36:27.000 Yeah.
00:36:27.000 So it's like everyone who's in town, whether it's Chappelle or Bill Burr or whoever, they're all there.
00:36:32.000 They're all there.
00:36:33.000 So there's no spots.
00:36:33.000 And then there's you and Joey Diaz and, you know, everybody else and Whitney Cummings and all the A-plus level comics are there every single night when they're in town.
00:36:44.000 And they're in town.
00:36:46.000 And then that leaves you, you know, and then from 11 to 12, that's all the Andrew Santino's and the Eric Griffin's and the Fahim Anwar's and all these other beasts that aren't filling fucking arenas, but they're the next ones up, you know?
00:37:02.000 So if you're some new guy or gal who's coming up the line...
00:37:05.000 Yeah, that leaves like five spots a night at the end of the lineup.
00:37:08.000 And you've got 250 comics calling in every week just that fit into that paradigm.
00:37:14.000 So it's like, sorry, you know, it's nothing personal.
00:37:17.000 Yeah, there's no club like it.
00:37:20.000 No club ever been like it either, where there's no shortage of people in the audience.
00:37:25.000 I mean, those years from when I came back to when the pandemic hit were the craziest years I've ever seen in stand-up comedy at that place.
00:37:34.000 By far, like a whole new dimension, like a whole world had shifted.
00:37:40.000 It's been so fucking cool to watch, you know, and to see that shift.
00:37:46.000 There's some comics that are coming up right now.
00:37:48.000 Some of the ones that I passed in the last year or two, I'm so excited about.
00:37:52.000 Like this guy, Brian Simpson, you've got to...
00:37:56.000 Nick, when we reopen again, I'm telling you, this guy's a beast.
00:38:00.000 Segura, he opens up for Segura now.
00:38:03.000 He's fantastic.
00:38:04.000 Lara Bites, who you know, is fantastic.
00:38:07.000 Lara's hilarious.
00:38:08.000 She's hilarious.
00:38:10.000 Kreischer and I were in the back of the room watching her on stage.
00:38:13.000 It was like the end of the night.
00:38:15.000 There's maybe like...
00:38:17.000 20 people or something in the crowd and more people were in the crowd by the end of her set than were there in the beginning because people were coming in because she was slaying.
00:38:26.000 That's so cool.
00:38:26.000 Dude, she was killing us.
00:38:28.000 Yeah.
00:38:28.000 We had been around all night.
00:38:30.000 We've been hanging there all night.
00:38:31.000 It was late, man.
00:38:32.000 Those are always the best sets.
00:38:34.000 Holtzman closing out the main room when it's like nine people in the audience and 20 comics in the back of the room.
00:38:41.000 Well, that's where Kinison used to do his spots.
00:38:43.000 I mean, they used to say, like, people would come to see him.
00:38:48.000 They would start showing up at 12 o'clock.
00:38:50.000 Yeah.
00:38:50.000 And that's where I would put Brody.
00:38:52.000 Yeah.
00:38:52.000 Yeah.
00:38:53.000 Yeah.
00:38:54.000 My trunk is still filled with all of his shit.
00:38:57.000 Really?
00:38:57.000 What do you got?
00:38:58.000 I had to clean out his whole apartment.
00:39:00.000 Do you have his kettlebell?
00:39:01.000 I might.
00:39:02.000 You want it?
00:39:03.000 Yeah.
00:39:03.000 Alright, if I have the kettlebell, I definitely have some drumsticks.
00:39:06.000 Whatever you want.
00:39:06.000 We'll go out there afterwards.
00:39:07.000 We'll have a Brody garage sale.
00:39:09.000 We worked together in Tempe, and he was doing cleans and presses in the parking lot.
00:39:13.000 Staying fit!
00:39:14.000 I remember that.
00:39:15.000 That's when he used to do it, but he's like, you might remember me from the made-for-TV Vlade Divac movie.
00:39:21.000 Yes!
00:39:22.000 He was the best.
00:39:24.000 Push!
00:39:24.000 Positive!
00:39:25.000 You know, we went to Little League together.
00:39:27.000 Did you really?
00:39:28.000 I grew up in Tarzana.
00:39:29.000 He grew up in Tarzana.
00:39:31.000 Wow.
00:39:31.000 And he was one of the older students.
00:39:33.000 But yeah, Joe Torre, little baseball camp.
00:39:35.000 Wow.
00:39:36.000 Yeah.
00:39:36.000 I miss that motherfucker every day.
00:39:38.000 I miss that motherfucker, too.
00:39:40.000 He was another thing about that place.
00:39:43.000 Like, the special quality of that place.
00:39:45.000 Like...
00:39:46.000 You weren't going to run into Brody Stevens in any other walk of life.
00:39:50.000 You had to meet that kind of comedy, especially to get to know him like the way we got to know Brody.
00:39:56.000 Yeah, you take it for granted, you know?
00:39:58.000 Yeah.
00:39:59.000 I really do.
00:40:00.000 Well, you really do.
00:40:00.000 And you really know you do now.
00:40:02.000 Like, I kind of knew I took it for granted, too.
00:40:03.000 I'd leave that place some nights, and I'd be like, how lucky are we that we have this place now?
00:40:08.000 Because this place never existed.
00:40:09.000 And for me, it was like, you know, we're talking about the pandemic and coming back from the pandemic.
00:40:15.000 For me, it was like...
00:40:17.000 When I was gone and then I came back, it made me realize, like, oh, this is a very valuable thing for your comedy.
00:40:25.000 Like, you can't just go to, like, random comedy clubs and just jump in and do sets.
00:40:30.000 Like, having a home base and having a home base filled with, like, Jezelnik and all these fucking assassins, it's like you'd just be around murderers just all day long slaying.
00:40:40.000 And it just makes everybody's level higher.
00:40:43.000 I felt like the level of comedy that I was experiencing there was higher than I'd ever seen it before.
00:40:49.000 Like, you know, there was always the murderers like Martin Lawrence and Damon Wayans, but there was a lot of bullshit in there.
00:40:55.000 A lot of fuckin' bodaks and a lot of dudes who were doing literally the same act, no bullshit, for 25 years.
00:41:02.000 I know I had to get rid of a lot of them.
00:41:03.000 Dude, it was weird.
00:41:05.000 Like, you would see a guy, and then you'd not see him for 10, 15 years, and you'd see the same act in the same order verbatim with old, like, Ronald Reagan as president references and shit, and like, whoa!
00:41:16.000 So that was when I came here in 94. There was a lot of that going on.
00:41:20.000 I believe it.
00:41:21.000 I believe it.
00:41:23.000 Nothing, murderers, and then nothing, and then the occasional murder.
00:41:27.000 But it was like, you get one murder a night, maybe.
00:41:29.000 It wasn't nothing like now.
00:41:31.000 I mean, I'm so fortunate to have the people calling in every week that they could call in, because from 9 o'clock to literally 1215, it's just wall-to-wall killers.
00:41:42.000 Yeah, we need to get the president involved in this.
00:41:45.000 Tell him that he'll get the support of all the comedians if he just has a federal mandate to open up all comedy clubs.
00:41:51.000 We need it.
00:41:52.000 It's an essential business.
00:41:53.000 It really is, though.
00:41:54.000 It is an essential business.
00:41:55.000 That's going to do wonders for everybody's mental health, for sure.
00:41:59.000 It will, and for all the mental patients that do stand-up.
00:42:02.000 I mean, what are they doing right now?
00:42:03.000 They're bouncing off the walls.
00:42:04.000 All these fucking people, they're losing their minds so hard they're doing Zoom comedy.
00:42:08.000 Somebody talked them into it.
00:42:09.000 I'm in my studio apartment.
00:42:10.000 I'm Jack Torrance over there.
00:42:12.000 That's like my little Overlook Hotel.
00:42:14.000 I don't think that's good for you.
00:42:16.000 No.
00:42:16.000 You're a very social guy.
00:42:17.000 I don't think that's a good thing to be locked up like that for two months at a time.
00:42:21.000 Right.
00:42:22.000 Yeah, I can't wait to get out.
00:42:23.000 Just take a chance with a bug.
00:42:24.000 Just go wander around.
00:42:26.000 Go to the beach, lick some faces.
00:42:27.000 You know, I... Go to the beach.
00:42:31.000 Hold some hands.
00:42:32.000 I've been talking to Norm McDonald a lot lately.
00:42:35.000 I think we're going to start the podcast up again.
00:42:38.000 So thank God for that.
00:42:40.000 Just get tested.
00:42:41.000 You can bring him in here and get tested too.
00:42:44.000 Yeah.
00:42:45.000 You know what?
00:42:46.000 I think we would kill for you to be the first guest.
00:42:49.000 I would love to do it.
00:42:50.000 I'm 100% in.
00:42:51.000 Oh, thank God.
00:42:53.000 Yeah, we have some good guests lined up.
00:42:54.000 So now we're just going to figure it out.
00:42:56.000 Yeah, so you're all set to get tested today, too.
00:42:58.000 Oh, perfect.
00:42:59.000 I know you don't have it because you haven't gone anywhere.
00:43:01.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:43:02.000 When you sit in your house like that for all those days at a time, that's got to be so depressing.
00:43:10.000 It's not great.
00:43:12.000 It's not great.
00:43:13.000 It's really not.
00:43:14.000 Yeah, my depression and anxiety is through the fucking roof.
00:43:17.000 Do you do any kind of exercise video or something?
00:43:21.000 Yeah, I got a rowing machine, so I do a lot of rowing, and then I go on a long walk.
00:43:26.000 I go on like a five-mile walk every day.
00:43:28.000 Oh, that's very good.
00:43:29.000 But that's it, yeah.
00:43:30.000 But you're by yourself most of the time.
00:43:31.000 But I'm by myself in my apartment.
00:43:33.000 Yeah, shit, that ain't good.
00:43:34.000 Being by yourself that often is not good.
00:43:36.000 No, it certainly isn't.
00:43:37.000 All the single people.
00:43:38.000 This is a fucking weird one for single people.
00:43:40.000 Well, it's kind of choose your poison.
00:43:42.000 I don't know how I feel like I would fucking want to kill somebody if I was stuck in a single room.
00:43:47.000 Yeah, that could happen for sure.
00:43:48.000 Oh, absolutely.
00:43:49.000 Yeah, that could happen for sure.
00:43:51.000 It either brings you closer together or it drifts you further apart.
00:43:54.000 Those are the two possibilities.
00:43:56.000 Yeah, if you have a strong foundation, you truly like each other.
00:43:58.000 You know what I mean?
00:43:59.000 You get to know each other better.
00:44:00.000 You've already accepted each other for everything, warts and all.
00:44:02.000 And also you both realize, like you're saying, you appreciate the store.
00:44:07.000 You also appreciate your family.
00:44:09.000 You appreciate your friends.
00:44:09.000 I appreciate my friends and my family and just everybody in my life way more now than I guess I do.
00:44:18.000 I guess I always appreciated them, but there's like another 10% bump in all that stuff when the pandemic was happening.
00:44:25.000 Because one started happening in the beginning, I was like genuinely scared.
00:44:29.000 I was genuinely thinking this could be something that kills 10% of the people I know.
00:44:33.000 I was genuinely thinking like, oh my god, this could be way worse.
00:44:36.000 China could be lying about how bad it is.
00:44:38.000 It could be way worse.
00:44:39.000 I remember talking to you about it right when you were in that state of mind.
00:44:42.000 And it was terrifying.
00:44:44.000 But what made me, it made me think in that state of mind, like I'm so thankful that I have such an amazing group of friends, so thankful that I have an amazing family, so thankful that I have friends that I love, that we can fuck with each other and talk shit to each other.
00:44:59.000 You know, it's like...
00:45:00.000 Some of the greatest joys of my day, I'm in a group thread with a bunch of comics.
00:45:06.000 And those are my favorite moments of the day.
00:45:09.000 Just cracking each other up and talking shit.
00:45:12.000 I'm in this thread with Whitney and Nick Swartzen and Delia.
00:45:15.000 It's the most ridiculous thread.
00:45:16.000 It's been going on for years, man.
00:45:18.000 For years.
00:45:19.000 I call it the bitch group.
00:45:21.000 Just bitching about shit.
00:45:22.000 It's really funny.
00:45:23.000 I'm in a great one with Spade and Whitney.
00:45:26.000 It's just the best.
00:45:27.000 He's just in a bunch of group texts.
00:45:29.000 All day long, talking shit.
00:45:31.000 It's funny, man.
00:45:32.000 It's so fun.
00:45:33.000 I love her with all of my heart.
00:45:34.000 She's a great human being.
00:45:36.000 She really is a special one.
00:45:38.000 Very, very unique.
00:45:38.000 Swords in two.
00:45:39.000 Oh, yeah.
00:45:40.000 He's amazing.
00:45:41.000 Yeah.
00:45:41.000 And Deli, too.
00:45:42.000 We're so lucky.
00:45:43.000 Yeah.
00:45:43.000 We're very, very, very lucky.
00:45:45.000 There's just a bunch of people that we know that are just some of the most fun people to be around.
00:45:50.000 Yeah.
00:45:50.000 And Arya Shafir.
00:45:51.000 Yeah.
00:45:52.000 That fucking maniac.
00:45:52.000 No, I meant...
00:45:57.000 You know, Jerry Sloan just died.
00:45:58.000 Hopefully he learned his lesson and keeps his fucking mouth shut this time.
00:46:02.000 You know Jerry Sloan?
00:46:02.000 No, who's Jerry Sloan?
00:46:03.000 The coach of the Utah Jazz.
00:46:05.000 Don't even mention it to R. He probably doesn't know yet.
00:46:08.000 He knows now.
00:46:09.000 That sort of a prank, the idea of that prank, it's like, okay.
00:46:14.000 He can't help himself.
00:46:15.000 He's just fully committed to being the wrestling heel.
00:46:17.000 Exactly.
00:46:18.000 All the time.
00:46:19.000 He loves it.
00:46:19.000 Dude, I was reading that wrestling might go under.
00:46:22.000 No.
00:46:22.000 How?
00:46:23.000 They're saying that wrestling is, they're firing wrestlers.
00:46:26.000 I know they got rid of Cain Velasquez, and he only did like one match with them.
00:46:30.000 They're releasing a bunch of people off their roster, and they're hurting apparently, because they're not getting any live gait.
00:46:35.000 You gotta think, pro wrestling, when they tour around the country, I mean, they're doing hundreds of shows in these giant places.
00:46:44.000 Imagine the amount of money just from the live gate of all these places and then merch, all that different stuff.
00:46:50.000 All that stuff's cut off.
00:46:51.000 So they have the same amount of expenses, but then through no fault of their own, boom!
00:46:56.000 Profits stop.
00:46:57.000 I'm genuinely ignorant about so many things in this world, except for maybe music, movies, and comedy.
00:47:03.000 But here's what I don't understand.
00:47:06.000 They've made a shit ton of money, haven't they?
00:47:08.000 Yeah, but they've been ballin'.
00:47:10.000 They're not saving?
00:47:11.000 What are they, a Boy Scout?
00:47:13.000 I thought Vince McMahon was like a...
00:47:14.000 Vince McMahon?
00:47:14.000 Oh, yeah.
00:47:15.000 He's on Juice and he's 90. He's the guy who started the XFL. Do you think he's saving money?
00:47:18.000 Yeah, no.
00:47:19.000 Come on, man.
00:47:19.000 I just watched the 30 for 30 on the XFL. It was great.
00:47:22.000 That guy's doing squats and shooting fucking steroids and making billions of dollars.
00:47:28.000 He doesn't have any time for this nonsense.
00:47:29.000 Yeah, I guess that's true.
00:47:30.000 Come on, man.
00:47:31.000 He's an animal.
00:47:32.000 He's not saving any money.
00:47:34.000 That guy probably has 50 bucks in the backyard.
00:47:38.000 He probably spends everything he makes, probably makes a hundred million dollars a year, spends it all, like, it's going out of style.
00:47:44.000 He's a fucking animal.
00:47:46.000 And you look at his business, though, like, you've got, I believe, the way they have, you would be able to know this, the app, their app, you get everything through the app, right?
00:47:57.000 Yeah, the WWE Network, I think is what's Right, so when you sign up, you pay a monthly fee, and you get all the events.
00:48:02.000 There's no pay-per-view, right?
00:48:03.000 Right.
00:48:03.000 Whereas the UFC, not the case.
00:48:06.000 The UFC, like, if you get ESPN +, you gotta pay for ESPN +, but when, like, Conor McGregor fights or Jon Jones fights, you gotta pay for that.
00:48:14.000 Yeah, I found out the hardware about, what was that, like, three weeks ago.
00:48:19.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:48:20.000 Yeah, that's just how it is, man.
00:48:23.000 That's just how it is.
00:48:25.000 And they don't have the same model.
00:48:28.000 And a lot of people, like WWE used to have that model.
00:48:32.000 They used to have, you'd pay for pay-per-views.
00:48:34.000 They have their regular shows and they have the big time pay-per-views.
00:48:37.000 Yeah, I remember that with like SummerSlam and even the WWF days.
00:48:42.000 Yeah, they used to advertise those all the time on cable.
00:48:45.000 If you could imagine, though, if like Tuesday night, Rochester knew you or Conor McGregor would just fight a championship fight and then you see him again on Saturday.
00:48:55.000 That's a good point.
00:48:56.000 You heard what Ronda Rousey said about that.
00:48:58.000 She was like, you fucking dorks.
00:49:00.000 Listen, this is fake fighting and they do it 200 times a year.
00:49:04.000 She goes, you know what happened?
00:49:05.000 If you fought 200 times a year, you'd be dead.
00:49:08.000 Even though she's a star in the WWE, at the end of the day, she was like the original, great, famous women's mixed martial arts fighter.
00:49:18.000 She's not taking your nonsense.
00:49:20.000 She's not listening to any of that stupid shit.
00:49:22.000 Shut the fuck up.
00:49:24.000 You know?
00:49:25.000 I mean, she got knocked out by Cyborg and Amanda Nunes, or not Cyborg, by Amanda Nunes and Holly Holm, back to back.
00:49:32.000 The idea that she's going to listen to some fucking...
00:49:36.000 Wrestling dork, give her a shit.
00:49:39.000 That business though, what I was going to say is I think because of the app, the WWE, because of the app, the way they have it set up, they don't have the live gate anymore.
00:49:49.000 So all that money from those, they do these giant arenas, they're selling out like crazy all over the country, 200 plus a year.
00:49:57.000 All that money's gone.
00:49:59.000 They can't just hit the fucking pause button?
00:50:01.000 No, Vince McMahon's got pills, son.
00:50:03.000 He's got 80 jets and fucking 100 houses.
00:50:09.000 He's got no time!
00:50:12.000 He's just...
00:50:13.000 I don't know.
00:50:13.000 I don't know what they do.
00:50:14.000 I mean, I think when the business drops, you gotta act accordingly, I guess.
00:50:17.000 Maybe when the business comes back, they'll rehire people.
00:50:21.000 It's a hard time for everybody, man.
00:50:23.000 But the people that I feel the most for are people who are dying and people who lost people.
00:50:30.000 But next, people who are losing their business and their families falling apart because of this.
00:50:34.000 And they're through no fault of their own.
00:50:35.000 Yeah, and then the employees that are just forced to go out of work.
00:50:39.000 And how do they have to go in food?
00:50:41.000 Like, I don't understand how they're supposed to just quarantine for months with no money.
00:50:46.000 And again, no talk at all.
00:50:48.000 $1,200.
00:50:48.000 And no talk at all about taking care of your health.
00:50:51.000 No talk.
00:50:52.000 That's just shocking.
00:50:53.000 No talk.
00:50:54.000 Nothing.
00:50:54.000 Yeah, that should be number one, two, and three on the list.
00:50:57.000 Yeah.
00:50:57.000 I mean, it's fucking...
00:50:58.000 It's crazy.
00:50:59.000 What is going on?
00:51:00.000 I wonder if other countries...
00:51:03.000 I'd be fascinated to see how they're handling this in other countries on their news over there.
00:51:08.000 Well, some countries aren't handling it badly at all.
00:51:11.000 Some countries are, like Germany had a crazy low death rate.
00:51:14.000 Right.
00:51:14.000 There's a bunch of countries that have really low death rates.
00:51:17.000 I wonder if they're focused on that.
00:51:17.000 I wonder if on their news programs, they're focused on, here's what you need to do to protect yourself.
00:51:21.000 Take a lot of vitamin D. Take this.
00:51:23.000 Do this.
00:51:24.000 Get in the sun.
00:51:25.000 Yeah.
00:51:26.000 I think it's probably their healthcare system, and it's probably their diet.
00:51:30.000 You know, there's a real issue in this country with sugar, and that's a giant part of what's happening here.
00:51:36.000 When you talk about people that are getting diabetes and, you know, people that are overweight, those are two big factors in this disease.
00:51:44.000 Right.
00:51:44.000 And they're both connected, not the genetic form of diabetes, but type 2 is connected to sugar consumption.
00:51:50.000 Right.
00:51:50.000 It's directly connected to your diet.
00:51:53.000 Ask Dean Del Rey.
00:51:54.000 Dean Del Rey had fucking diabetes because he was eating sugar all day.
00:51:58.000 Yeah, he was doing Jamba Juice once a day.
00:52:00.000 Yeah, he was eating candy.
00:52:02.000 He realized it when they gave him that wake-up call, that diabetes wake-up call.
00:52:06.000 That's a fucking hell of a wake-up call.
00:52:08.000 But now you look at him, he's healthy and fit.
00:52:10.000 He looks better than he ever has.
00:52:12.000 He lost a ton of weight, and he said he feels so good.
00:52:14.000 He looks killer.
00:52:15.000 He looks great.
00:52:17.000 And now, like his Instagram posts, you'll see quite a few of them.
00:52:22.000 Every now and then, he'll talk about sugar and what he used to look like.
00:52:25.000 He'll put up Fat Dean pictures.
00:52:27.000 Yeah, I love that.
00:52:28.000 Yeah, like Fat Dean Tuesday.
00:52:28.000 Dude, I got Fat Adam.
00:52:29.000 I got Fatim photos.
00:52:30.000 Oh, no.
00:52:31.000 That's right.
00:52:31.000 You showed me those.
00:52:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:52:32.000 Those are solid.
00:52:33.000 I didn't know you then.
00:52:35.000 No, I was chubby at the improv.
00:52:38.000 When was that?
00:52:39.000 I'm not judging.
00:52:39.000 I'm not judging.
00:52:40.000 I didn't even notice.
00:52:43.000 No, you probably did know me when I was Fathom.
00:52:46.000 Those were good days.
00:52:48.000 Maybe a little bit, but I let it go.
00:52:50.000 Yeah, good.
00:52:50.000 Thank you.
00:52:50.000 I appreciate that.
00:52:51.000 But Dean, he's a perfect example.
00:52:53.000 I mean, he had all sorts of health problems because of that sugar consumption.
00:52:56.000 Look, there's Fat Dean with his name.
00:52:58.000 He got his name on the store at the wall.
00:53:00.000 I remember that.
00:53:02.000 Look at that.
00:53:03.000 Fat Dean Tuesday.
00:53:03.000 He did.
00:53:04.000 He looks like Bobby Hill.
00:53:05.000 He used to do a bit about that.
00:53:07.000 Wow.
00:53:08.000 That's crazy how fat he was.
00:53:09.000 God damn.
00:53:11.000 And now he's healthy and young.
00:53:12.000 Yeah, sugar's a killer, man.
00:53:13.000 He's going back in time.
00:53:14.000 It's a killer.
00:53:15.000 He's getting younger.
00:53:16.000 He looks younger.
00:53:17.000 He does look way younger now.
00:53:18.000 Way younger.
00:53:19.000 He looks healthier.
00:53:19.000 He looks so much better.
00:53:21.000 That's my problem.
00:53:22.000 I eat too much ice cream.
00:53:24.000 Again, we're not hearing any of this stuff from people.
00:53:26.000 We're not hearing any of this stuff from Fauci or all these health experts.
00:53:31.000 We're not hearing any of it.
00:53:32.000 No.
00:53:33.000 It's crazy.
00:53:34.000 We're just hearing, inject yourself with fucking Clorox.
00:53:36.000 And if you talk to people like, well, you don't want to shame people for, you know, for having a poor diet or for being overweight, like...
00:53:43.000 Do you care if people die or not?
00:53:45.000 What do you care about?
00:53:47.000 Is it hurting people's feelings or saving their lives?
00:53:50.000 Everything's asked backwards now.
00:53:52.000 Everyone's too sensitive.
00:53:53.000 They're worried about people's feelings too much.
00:53:56.000 It's going to be real weird when we come back to doing comedy and you hear all the COVID jokes.
00:54:00.000 It's going to be the audience going to be exhausted.
00:54:02.000 That's going to be the new airplane food.
00:54:04.000 I'm avoiding them.
00:54:05.000 I'm not writing anything about them.
00:54:06.000 Who's going to build the wall?
00:54:08.000 It's going to be the new fucking...
00:54:09.000 Exactly.
00:54:10.000 We get it.
00:54:11.000 Exactly.
00:54:16.000 Wait, fuck.
00:54:18.000 You're sure there's no weed in this?
00:54:20.000 100%.
00:54:20.000 You probably got contact tied just from being in the room with me.
00:54:24.000 No, there was something specific I was going to ask you.
00:54:27.000 You had like 30 days?
00:54:29.000 How many days?
00:54:29.000 90 days off?
00:54:30.000 90 days.
00:54:31.000 Yeah, I got sober on March 1st.
00:54:33.000 You can't be in a room with someone like me when I'm smoking weed.
00:54:36.000 That's what I was going to ask you.
00:54:37.000 Do you think...
00:54:38.000 It's probably catching you.
00:54:40.000 No, no, I don't think so.
00:54:41.000 Do you think that...
00:54:42.000 Social distance from weed smoke.
00:54:44.000 Do you think all the PC bullshit and the social justice warrior shit is going to be tempered after we...
00:54:52.000 No.
00:54:53.000 No, I think it was tempered because of the real danger.
00:54:56.000 I think the real threat and the real fear tempered it.
00:54:58.000 And now that that's gone away, the real fear is going to give way to a new level of anger because of this level of despair people are going to be experiencing financially over the next few months.
00:55:09.000 So there's going to be a heightened...
00:55:11.000 It's almost going to have a slingshot effect.
00:55:14.000 People got less cunty and they're gonna get more cunty and more self-righteous.
00:55:20.000 More self-righteous, more people chastising, criticizing people.
00:55:25.000 And on Twitter you really see it because people are literally forced to be at home.
00:55:29.000 So if you're forced to be at home and you don't have the discipline to stay off Twitter and you happen to comment something and someone comments on your comment and then you start talking shit to each other, that's your day.
00:55:38.000 Not only is that your day, but you're going to be crazy.
00:55:41.000 You're going to be thinking about it in the middle of the night.
00:55:43.000 What the fuck did they write?
00:55:43.000 You get up to pee.
00:55:44.000 I'm not going to check my phone.
00:55:45.000 Let me check my phone.
00:55:46.000 Fuck!
00:55:46.000 And they said something that's pretty good.
00:55:48.000 And you're like, God damn it.
00:55:49.000 Now I've got to come up with something to say back.
00:55:50.000 So you start Googling statistics.
00:55:53.000 Yeah, man.
00:55:54.000 I mean, this is what a lot of people are doing.
00:55:55.000 It's making people sicker and sicker.
00:55:57.000 I have almost completely avoided Twitter.
00:56:00.000 Other than I'll check my DMs occasionally.
00:56:03.000 And occasionally I'll check what other people have posted that I'm friends with or that I follow.
00:56:08.000 Check a little bit, but I might give it five minutes a day.
00:56:12.000 I deleted my Twitter icon about a year ago, and then I just reinstalled it maybe about a week or two ago.
00:56:19.000 And I'm already starting to see, like, what am I doing?
00:56:22.000 Why am I even looking?
00:56:23.000 It's just getting me pissed off.
00:56:25.000 It's just too many people are angry.
00:56:27.000 Yeah.
00:56:28.000 It's just too many.
00:56:28.000 About nonsense.
00:56:30.000 Well, maybe to them it's important.
00:56:33.000 Right?
00:56:34.000 It's like when you post it, it's important.
00:56:36.000 But when you're dealing with whatever the fuck it is, 100 million people that are on Twitter or more, probably more, that are posting on a regular basis, and then most of what they want to say is angry.
00:56:49.000 Most of what they want to say is negative.
00:56:51.000 Most of it is complaining.
00:56:53.000 It might be like 60% complaining.
00:56:54.000 Yeah.
00:56:56.000 When you tune into that, you're getting all the problems of all these people.
00:57:01.000 It's just too many people.
00:57:02.000 You're supposed to deal with the problems of the people that are around you.
00:57:05.000 So if there's like 10 people around you and Tommy's got a problem, what's wrong with Tommy?
00:57:09.000 Let's go talk to Tommy.
00:57:10.000 It's not supposed to be 10 million people, and then there's hundreds of thousands of Tommy's just flooding your feed with bullshit.
00:57:19.000 Nonsense.
00:57:20.000 My fucking girl's lying about this, and they say we can't vote in November.
00:57:24.000 Fuck that!
00:57:24.000 I say we sue!
00:57:26.000 Whoa!
00:57:27.000 All this craziness.
00:57:28.000 And it's like you just deal with the worst aspects of everyone's day or everyone's thoughts or everyone's opinions.
00:57:35.000 You're just dealing with all this negativity.
00:57:37.000 And it's so rare.
00:57:38.000 And it's really very much appreciated when you do find it.
00:57:42.000 Like a really well-structured conversation or disagreement about something where people don't get shitty at all.
00:57:47.000 It's like, wow, that's beautiful.
00:57:48.000 That's pleasant to see.
00:57:49.000 Or there's people that want to dox people because they don't like this politician that they support, or they want you to not have to wear a mask.
00:57:58.000 People want to dox you.
00:57:59.000 There's so many people that are so fucking angry and weird online, and then you add this pandemic to it, and you just got this boiling pot of shitty thinking.
00:58:11.000 And anger.
00:58:12.000 And meanness.
00:58:14.000 Just mean.
00:58:15.000 Yeah, there's a lot of that.
00:58:16.000 Where's the love?
00:58:17.000 Where's the love?
00:58:18.000 Where's the camaraderie?
00:58:19.000 Where's the hugs?
00:58:20.000 Isn't that the best part of your day?
00:58:21.000 Wouldn't you rather be friends with people?
00:58:23.000 Like, I know you can have disagreements and not be shitty.
00:58:26.000 It's possible.
00:58:28.000 And that's what I loved about the comedy stores.
00:58:29.000 People that, you know, didn't disagree, but they fucking, you know, they're still the camaraderie, and they're, at the end of the day, they're in the same boat.
00:58:39.000 Like, they love each other.
00:58:39.000 Pretty much.
00:58:40.000 Yeah.
00:58:41.000 There's a lack of conservative comedians, I would say, if there's anything that's odd.
00:58:47.000 Yeah, that is.
00:58:48.000 I think that's very true.
00:58:50.000 There's a few, you know, that you know of, but it's pretty rare.
00:58:55.000 I think there's probably more than we know that they're just not on stage.
00:59:00.000 They're avoiding it.
00:59:02.000 Maybe.
00:59:02.000 Yeah, maybe.
00:59:03.000 In acting, it's like fucking 99% or something.
00:59:07.000 Exactly.
00:59:07.000 It's crazy.
00:59:08.000 Yeah.
00:59:08.000 Which makes me think that can't be real.
00:59:10.000 It makes me think that it's probably a lot of it is people shaping their opinions so that they're more accepted and loved by the community that they've chosen to try to excel in.
00:59:21.000 Definitely.
00:59:21.000 All business decisions.
00:59:22.000 Exactly.
00:59:23.000 I remember I had this conversation with this dude once.
00:59:24.000 I was on a TV set when I first started acting.
00:59:27.000 In news radio?
00:59:28.000 Yeah.
00:59:28.000 No, before that.
00:59:29.000 Hardball.
00:59:30.000 Oh, okay.
00:59:31.000 Yeah.
00:59:31.000 This is early in my acting career.
00:59:34.000 Okay.
00:59:34.000 I was quite crazy.
00:59:37.000 And I was talking to this dude about a movie.
00:59:42.000 Actually, it might have been news radio days.
00:59:44.000 Because I think that's when this movie came out.
00:59:46.000 It was As Good As It Gets.
00:59:48.000 Sure.
00:59:49.000 With Jack Nicholson?
00:59:50.000 Which I thought was the most fucking depressing movie.
00:59:52.000 I'm like, here's this lady, and she's so nice, and she keeps accepting this guy for fucking up over and over again.
01:00:01.000 And then the end, the solution, is he takes a pill, and the pill keeps him from being an asshole?
01:00:08.000 Like, what?
01:00:09.000 There's no pill for that!
01:00:11.000 Like, that's so crazy.
01:00:12.000 He's an asshole.
01:00:12.000 Yeah, he was a major asshole.
01:00:13.000 He's a fucking asshole.
01:00:15.000 And we're supposed to say, oh, no, no, no, he just needed a pill.
01:00:18.000 See, once he gets this non-asshole medium inside of his body, it cancels out all the assholishness, and he's actually a good guy.
01:00:26.000 So she found a good guy.
01:00:28.000 No, this poor lady was a single mom who was living with this fucking mean piece of shit.
01:00:35.000 And a pill fixed it.
01:00:36.000 And I was like, that movie depressed the fuck out of me.
01:00:37.000 And I was talking to this actor, and he goes, actually, I think he had a lot to offer her.
01:00:44.000 I go, what?
01:00:45.000 Because it was a popular movie.
01:00:47.000 I go, it was a terrible movie.
01:00:50.000 I go, if that lady was your sister, wouldn't you want to grab her and go, Helen, come on, you're awesome.
01:00:55.000 This guy's a dickhead.
01:00:56.000 This guy's so mean.
01:00:57.000 He's always mean.
01:00:58.000 He says racist shit.
01:00:59.000 He's mean.
01:01:00.000 He's cracking jokes.
01:01:01.000 He was yelling at people.
01:01:03.000 He did a lot of weird shit, right?
01:01:06.000 He was a writer, right?
01:01:07.000 They said, how do you write women so well?
01:01:09.000 I think of a regular woman, and they take away reason and accountability.
01:01:13.000 Well, it's not just that.
01:01:14.000 No, he was misogynist.
01:01:16.000 He was an asshole.
01:01:17.000 Always a dick.
01:01:18.000 But there was no nice.
01:01:20.000 No, he had no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
01:01:23.000 He had crippling OCD. I haven't seen it in many years.
01:01:27.000 Didn't make any sense.
01:01:27.000 Didn't make any sense.
01:01:28.000 I'm like, oh, it was depressing.
01:01:29.000 Look, it's a work of art, right?
01:01:31.000 It doesn't have to be warm and fuzzy.
01:01:33.000 But it made me feel bad.
01:01:34.000 But he was like sticking up for the relationship.
01:01:37.000 I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?
01:01:40.000 Yeah, that's insane.
01:01:41.000 But I realized in the middle of the conversation, I'm like, oh, people do shit like that because they think they're supposed to like a movie.
01:01:46.000 So they say shit.
01:01:48.000 Of course that's what he was doing.
01:01:49.000 Oh, it was 100%.
01:01:50.000 Yes, definitely.
01:01:51.000 Because I was, look, I was dumb.
01:01:54.000 I mean, I'm dumb now, but back then I was like four years removed from fighting.
01:01:59.000 If you're fucking dumb now, then I'm fucked!
01:02:02.000 I was much dumber than them, but my instincts were always to challenge people on things.
01:02:08.000 Like, what?
01:02:08.000 What are you saying?
01:02:09.000 I wanted to find out why he could ever possibly think that that was a good idea for that lady to date that fucking asshole, that mean guy who just needed a pill.
01:02:19.000 That's so crazy!
01:02:20.000 That's the craziest movie!
01:02:22.000 I remember that.
01:02:23.000 I remember when the English patient came out and everybody was all over, was like, this is the best thing ever.
01:02:28.000 And I was like, that movie fucking sucked.
01:02:30.000 But I wouldn't...
01:02:30.000 Today, if it came out today, I would have no problem being like, no, you're wrong.
01:02:35.000 That movie bored the shit out of me.
01:02:37.000 It was weird.
01:02:37.000 But my point was not that, you know, it was a good movie or a bad movie.
01:02:42.000 He was sticking up for the relationship to...
01:02:44.000 He was just...
01:02:45.000 This is what my point was.
01:02:46.000 I could tell he wasn't really saying it because he thought it.
01:02:50.000 Thought it.
01:02:50.000 He was saying it because he thought it was the thing that he should say.
01:02:53.000 And in talking to this guy, I found this, like, it was like one of those fake houses where they film a TV show where there's nothing behind it.
01:03:02.000 It's propped up on sticks.
01:03:04.000 And I'm looking at this guy, and it's like I look behind the sign.
01:03:07.000 I was like, you're a fake personality.
01:03:09.000 You don't even have a real personality.
01:03:11.000 Like, who are you?
01:03:13.000 Like, you're a fucking weirdo.
01:03:14.000 And this is one way you could tell these people.
01:03:18.000 They would always say, good to see you.
01:03:21.000 Even if they just met you.
01:03:22.000 They'd say, good to see you.
01:03:23.000 It was like you're in a cult.
01:03:26.000 Like, you're saying the things that everyone says.
01:03:28.000 And blessed be with you.
01:03:29.000 And blessed be with you, brother.
01:03:31.000 Like, you pass each other in the hallway.
01:03:32.000 Good to see you.
01:03:33.000 Good to see you.
01:03:34.000 And everybody was full of shit.
01:03:35.000 Like, this is the most disingenuous good to see you.
01:03:39.000 Instead of saying, hey, what's up?
01:03:41.000 That's such a perfect analogy.
01:03:43.000 That is, because I was in a cult, I know what it's like to fucking experience that.
01:03:47.000 Yes, that's why I'm bringing this up.
01:03:49.000 I want to get to that.
01:03:50.000 I know your cult story.
01:03:52.000 So that is 99% of the industry, man.
01:03:54.000 That's why it's such a sad place.
01:03:56.000 Yeah.
01:03:57.000 That's why it's so sad.
01:03:58.000 So lonely.
01:03:59.000 And you get all that attention.
01:04:01.000 And believe me, that's what I wanted.
01:04:02.000 That's why I came here.
01:04:03.000 I mean, I just figured out along the way what was wrong.
01:04:08.000 I figured out along the way, like, oh, this is a bad motivation.
01:04:11.000 This is not a good motivation.
01:04:13.000 Like, but the best, this is not going to fix you.
01:04:15.000 You have to fix you.
01:04:16.000 And then...
01:04:17.000 Treat what you're doing as an art form and enjoy it.
01:04:21.000 Instead of treat what you're doing as a method of extracting attention.
01:04:26.000 Because that's the difference between someone who's an artist, like Gary Clark Jr., versus someone who's just doing a lot of...
01:04:35.000 Dumb shit to try to get attention and doesn't really have any thought to it.
01:04:40.000 I know exactly what you mean.
01:04:41.000 And there were a lot of comics that were like that at the Comedy Store that were doing it just to get women and they didn't have any real love for the art form.
01:04:49.000 They just wanted to be famous.
01:04:51.000 They weren't working on their craft.
01:04:52.000 They had the same set like you talked about earlier that they've been doing for a decade.
01:04:56.000 And they were just doing it to try and get women, to try and get money.
01:05:00.000 They wanted to get famous.
01:05:01.000 Yeah.
01:05:02.000 It's just you got to somewhere along the line fix what's wrong with you.
01:05:07.000 And you can do that and keep growing as a person and keep just fixing what's wrong with you and concentrate on positive things.
01:05:17.000 That are about this thing.
01:05:19.000 There's a way to be healthy and still approach it.
01:05:21.000 And the way to be healthy and approach it is to approach it as an art form.
01:05:24.000 Don't approach it as a method for getting you attention.
01:05:26.000 And the problem is it's like set up to chase the attention.
01:05:29.000 It's set up to chase the sitcom role or the record that you put out or whatever the big thing is, the movie that you get into, the big thing that's supposed to elevate you and define you.
01:05:42.000 And instead of that, I think if you can, as you're evolving as an artist, reach a point where you're just trying to do your best work.
01:05:52.000 And that must feel so fucking good to reach that point.
01:05:56.000 You're never really there.
01:05:58.000 To be adjacent at least.
01:06:01.000 You're chasing it always.
01:06:03.000 You're running right alongside it, but you can never jump on its back.
01:06:06.000 If you're adjacent to that.
01:06:08.000 You just keep trying.
01:06:09.000 It's really a numbers thing in a lot of ways and an attention thing and a focus thing.
01:06:14.000 People want to say it's a talent thing.
01:06:16.000 Talent is a weird thing.
01:06:19.000 For stand-up, you've developed a personality long before you ever thought that it was an asset in a career.
01:06:25.000 Joey Diaz was just a personality.
01:06:28.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:06:30.000 But if you are a regular guy who works In an accounting office.
01:06:36.000 Can you imagine Joey Diaz at an accounting office?
01:06:38.000 No, impossible.
01:06:39.000 But if you're like a real calm guy who's like, I've always enjoyed stand-up comedy, I want to give it a try.
01:06:43.000 And you go to like these open mic nights and the weeknets, and you meet that savage.
01:06:48.000 You're like, oh my god, that guy's a real person?
01:06:50.000 Like, this guy exists too?
01:06:52.000 Like, I gotta quit now!
01:06:55.000 That's a different...
01:06:57.000 That advantage.
01:06:58.000 He's done some cross-training.
01:07:00.000 Like getting arrested and kidnapping people and all the coke he did.
01:07:05.000 Solid cross-training.
01:07:07.000 Comedy cross-training.
01:07:09.000 Joey Diaz, he'll have such a massive advantage over any normie.
01:07:14.000 Even if a normie's got really good jokes, he's just...
01:07:18.000 Joey's lived in it.
01:07:19.000 That personality element is something you can't teach.
01:07:22.000 You've got to figure that one out.
01:07:24.000 I think that's one of the most important things in stand-up is authenticity.
01:07:28.000 To me, I feel like that's a huge thing.
01:07:30.000 Yeah.
01:07:31.000 I feel like it's hypnotism.
01:07:33.000 I really do.
01:07:34.000 I could see that.
01:07:35.000 Yeah, I've always had this idea before I was ever hypnotized.
01:07:39.000 Then my friend Vinnie Shorman, he's a hypnotist.
01:07:41.000 He hypnotizes fighters and he hypnotizes people and gets them to work on their game plan, their mindset, and it's a very strange state.
01:07:47.000 Fascinating.
01:07:47.000 I did it once.
01:07:48.000 Very strange state.
01:07:49.000 Very strange.
01:07:50.000 Wow.
01:07:50.000 Yeah, you're there.
01:07:51.000 You're aware that it's happening.
01:07:52.000 It's not like...
01:07:55.000 I've seen hypnotism shows.
01:07:57.000 There was a guy in Rhode Island named Frank Santos.
01:08:01.000 He was a comedy hypnotist, and he would do these gigs in Boston.
01:08:03.000 He was amazing.
01:08:04.000 Yeah, we had a couple that came through Tempe every year.
01:08:06.000 Yeah, some of them are good, right?
01:08:08.000 Yeah, sure.
01:08:08.000 Some of those guys, and there's a certain level of dummy.
01:08:16.000 That dummy will be convinced he's in Game of Thrones riding a dragon.
01:08:20.000 There's a certain level of dummy.
01:08:22.000 And it really, look, for me as a person who's met people like John Carmack, who is the lead programmer of id games, who created Doom and Quake.
01:08:33.000 Oh, yeah, sure.
01:08:34.000 Super, super genius.
01:08:37.000 Elon, of course.
01:08:38.000 Meeting someone like him.
01:08:39.000 Super, super genius.
01:08:40.000 And then knowing how dumb some of my friends are.
01:08:42.000 And I'm like, hmm.
01:08:43.000 And I'm dumb, too.
01:08:44.000 But it's like, I'm around him, and I'm like, okay, there's...
01:08:47.000 I don't think...
01:08:48.000 I wonder, what is life like to that guy?
01:08:50.000 I guarantee you he's not looking at shit the way I'm looking at it.
01:08:53.000 You know, he's looking at...
01:08:54.000 He's got something...
01:08:55.000 It's like you're looking into the Matrix.
01:08:56.000 Yeah.
01:08:56.000 And I think there's levels lower than us.
01:08:59.000 And you get to this level where you can talk a guy into thinking he's having sex...
01:09:04.000 With Christy Teigen.
01:09:06.000 He'll really believe that him and Kim Kardashian are having sex.
01:09:10.000 You can convince those people.
01:09:13.000 And they even come in their pants.
01:09:15.000 This guy, Frank Santos, used to make guys nuts in their pants.
01:09:17.000 Shut the fuck up!
01:09:18.000 No, no, no.
01:09:18.000 100%, dude.
01:09:19.000 What are you talking about?
01:09:20.000 Get out!
01:09:20.000 Back then it was Madonna.
01:09:22.000 I'm not kidding, man.
01:09:23.000 First of all, the guy was a wizard.
01:09:25.000 What's his number?
01:09:26.000 Well, he's dead, unfortunately.
01:09:28.000 Rest his soul.
01:09:29.000 But his son is doing stand-up, and his son is doing hypnotism shows.
01:09:33.000 His son has the same name.
01:09:34.000 But anyway, he would have this show weekly at Stitches.
01:09:39.000 Stitches was a big comedy club in Boston.
01:09:41.000 And all the comics, like Fitzsimmons and me, we would go to the back of the room and watch the Frank Santos show all the time.
01:09:47.000 I was dating a waitress there at the time.
01:09:50.000 So I'd be there all the time.
01:09:51.000 So even if I didn't have a set, we'd come down and watch Frank Santos show because it was so ridiculous.
01:09:56.000 Those were always my favorite shows to watch too, except for obviously the greatest comics that would come through.
01:10:01.000 But yeah, those were always a fun show.
01:10:02.000 They were ridiculous.
01:10:03.000 When he gets people to do things and tells them, you're on a bus, and the bus is about to go off the cliff and into the ocean, and you don't know how to swim, people would be screaming.
01:10:13.000 The midnight ones where it was the dirty one, they would always do the dirty show.
01:10:17.000 One time I saw, it was a couple, and this guy, he convinced this girl she was in a porno.
01:10:21.000 And they gave her a banana, and she started deep-throating the banana, and the whole crowd was going insane.
01:10:27.000 And then they got in, like, he, like, Sadly, he beat her up in the parking lot.
01:10:32.000 What?
01:10:33.000 Yeah, it wasn't a great ending.
01:10:35.000 Really?
01:10:36.000 Yeah, but those shows were always wild.
01:10:37.000 The guy?
01:10:38.000 Not the hypnotist, her boyfriend.
01:10:40.000 Oh, the boyfriend, because he was in the audience?
01:10:41.000 Oh, no.
01:10:42.000 Yeah, because he was with her.
01:10:43.000 Oh, no.
01:10:44.000 So it wasn't his fault, but that was the last time we did the Midnight Hypnita show.
01:10:51.000 But what you do on here...
01:10:53.000 You can't get mad at a woman for expressing her inner and holiness.
01:10:55.000 Yeah, of course not.
01:10:56.000 You just gotta respect it, who she really is.
01:11:00.000 You do hypnosis here, with this.
01:11:03.000 I was terrified.
01:11:04.000 I was really nervous coming in here.
01:11:07.000 I've been thinking about it ever since you invited me.
01:11:09.000 I'm like, I'm gonna puke all over the studio.
01:11:13.000 I lost so much sleep over it.
01:11:19.000 I've seen it with Stern and now with you.
01:11:23.000 I don't know what it is.
01:11:24.000 You do hypnosis almost.
01:11:26.000 You put everyone at ease.
01:11:27.000 No, Adam, we're actually friends.
01:11:29.000 I know that, I know that, but...
01:11:31.000 If we were at dinner, we would talk like this.
01:11:33.000 Yeah, but you have a large audience, like, it's different, man.
01:11:37.000 Yeah, but you gotta not think about that.
01:11:38.000 Alright, yeah, fair enough.
01:11:39.000 That's the thing, if you think about that, that fucks your head up.
01:11:41.000 Right, right, right, right.
01:11:42.000 Don't think about that.
01:11:43.000 Okay.
01:11:44.000 Just think about the fact that this is how we would talk, no matter what.
01:11:47.000 This is true.
01:11:48.000 Right, if we were hanging out in the back bar, the comedy store, and you and me just hanging out in the back there, we would talk just like this.
01:11:53.000 Thank God for Eric creating that back bar.
01:11:56.000 Amazing.
01:11:56.000 You know, that back bar is the best part of the comedy club.
01:11:59.000 It's amazing and it has the bar that's actually from Mitzi Shore's house.
01:12:02.000 I love that.
01:12:03.000 How cool is that?
01:12:04.000 It's crazy.
01:12:05.000 Yeah, that bar's perfect.
01:12:07.000 It's my one little place to go for solace.
01:12:10.000 Yeah, it's a sweet spot when it doesn't get overrun.
01:12:13.000 Sometimes it gets overrun.
01:12:14.000 I bring that up on a weekly basis.
01:12:17.000 That'll be number one on the agenda once we reopen.
01:12:20.000 People get back there, they're not even comedians.
01:12:21.000 I know, it's a nightmare.
01:12:22.000 What is happening here?
01:12:23.000 What is this?
01:12:24.000 I almost prefer them to the open micers.
01:12:27.000 Yeah, well...
01:12:28.000 Because then they're like asking, bugging people to be on their podcast.
01:12:32.000 Exactly.
01:12:33.000 The open micers are tricky because, you know, they all, me included, like I said about Ari, we all started as open micers.
01:12:41.000 Ari is basically, I think, just starting to do sets, like paid sets probably when he got here.
01:12:47.000 I wonder when he first started getting paid.
01:12:49.000 But I started taking him on the road with me.
01:12:53.000 2004?
01:12:54.000 5?
01:12:55.000 Something like that.
01:12:55.000 It was a couple years into his career.
01:12:58.000 And he was, you know, coming up from being a door guy to getting fairly regular spots.
01:13:03.000 And he just kept getting better and working at it.
01:13:07.000 So that day that he was doing his specials, like, I have to be there.
01:13:11.000 I have to.
01:13:12.000 I have to.
01:13:13.000 Right.
01:13:14.000 I'm like, even if I have to fight.
01:13:16.000 Like, all of my horrible instincts to run away and fucking...
01:13:23.000 Just...
01:13:23.000 I had to.
01:13:24.000 Thank God you fucking did.
01:13:26.000 And thank God they allowed him to film that special in the O.R. Thank God.
01:13:30.000 Because at first, it took a lot of...
01:13:34.000 Took a lot of convincing.
01:13:36.000 I mean, how important that was.
01:13:37.000 When I pulled into the parking lot that Tuesday night, the night before a special, I was nervous.
01:13:41.000 Like, nervous to be driving in the back parking lot.
01:13:44.000 Yeah, you took seven years off.
01:13:45.000 I know, it was weird.
01:13:46.000 It's like going back to your old high school or something.
01:13:50.000 I don't know.
01:13:51.000 I can't imagine what that was like.
01:13:53.000 Going back home from a long, long time away.
01:13:57.000 What?
01:13:59.000 Dude, it's contact high.
01:14:01.000 You can't be in this room.
01:14:02.000 You're 90 days.
01:14:03.000 It's like if you hadn't returned home for many years.
01:14:09.000 Yeah.
01:14:10.000 Seeing your old family.
01:14:13.000 I'm worried that we're going to lose clubs.
01:14:16.000 I'm worried we're going to lose restaurants.
01:14:17.000 I'm worried we're going to lose clubs.
01:14:19.000 I'm worried we're going to lose everything.
01:14:22.000 Yeah, it's terrifying.
01:14:23.000 I try not to think about it.
01:14:26.000 But I think the commie store is going to...
01:14:28.000 Thank God.
01:14:29.000 I think the commie store will be okay.
01:14:34.000 I don't know, man.
01:14:35.000 I just don't fucking know.
01:14:36.000 Yeah, I don't know either.
01:14:37.000 If they don't let us back in soon.
01:14:39.000 Because it's not even June.
01:14:40.000 You know, they're talking about July 4th.
01:14:41.000 Like, what?
01:14:42.000 What is going to happen over the next month?
01:14:44.000 I don't know.
01:14:45.000 Yeah, we got to open.
01:14:48.000 I can't.
01:14:48.000 I can't anymore.
01:14:51.000 I'm nervous about the way it's going to reboot.
01:14:55.000 Like, what's going to happen?
01:14:56.000 What's it going to be like?
01:14:59.000 You mean in terms of the capacity?
01:15:01.000 In terms of what?
01:15:02.000 What's going to...
01:15:02.000 Society.
01:15:03.000 What's society going to be like?
01:15:04.000 Oh, yeah, just society.
01:15:05.000 Oh, I don't fucking know.
01:15:06.000 Like, it's...
01:15:06.000 The streets are so empty right now.
01:15:08.000 They're ominous.
01:15:10.000 And there's this, like, ominous feeling when you're driving around of, like, this is just the beginnings of a volcano.
01:15:16.000 What's wrong?
01:15:17.000 That's what it feels like.
01:15:18.000 Look, eventually it seems like they're going to have a vaccine for sure.
01:15:22.000 I know nothing's definite.
01:15:24.000 What are you, doctor?
01:15:25.000 No, I don't know.
01:15:26.000 It sounds like they've had some progress.
01:15:30.000 Yeah, maybe.
01:15:31.000 Okay.
01:15:32.000 I don't know.
01:15:33.000 I mean, if it was ready, they would give it to us, right?
01:15:35.000 No, yeah.
01:15:36.000 It's definitely not ready.
01:15:37.000 And there's talk about it.
01:15:39.000 There's also talk about something...
01:15:41.000 Find out what the fuck an mRNA virus is.
01:15:45.000 We were talking about this with Pac-Man, right?
01:15:46.000 Oh, fuck me.
01:15:47.000 Do I even want to know?
01:15:48.000 This is a new kind of a...
01:15:49.000 Not virus, excuse me.
01:15:51.000 Vaccine.
01:15:52.000 Oh, okay.
01:15:52.000 mRNA vaccine.
01:15:55.000 So this is some shit that Alex Jones told me about.
01:15:58.000 And he said it's something that we all have to be very concerned with.
01:16:02.000 I just googled it.
01:16:03.000 So it's something that it's a vaccine that's going to be able to...
01:16:09.000 It uses your own body to create proteins, right?
01:16:14.000 Isn't that how it works?
01:16:16.000 Something along those lines.
01:16:17.000 I know I'm butchering this, but instead of having a...
01:16:20.000 Here, does it say?
01:16:23.000 Okay, scientists produce a synthetic version of the mRNA that a virus uses to build its infectious proteins.
01:16:30.000 Click on that.
01:16:33.000 Yeah, see, I'm clearly butchering it, but the idea of it is that it makes your body produce something that protects you from the virus.
01:16:45.000 Maybe it turns us all into fucking spider-man.
01:16:49.000 Right?
01:16:49.000 I'm in.
01:16:50.000 I mean, yeah, I'm fucking in.
01:16:51.000 When does one of these things not kill us but turn us into gods?
01:16:55.000 It turns us into superheroes.
01:16:56.000 When do we get to be Dr. Manhattan?
01:16:58.000 Exactly!
01:16:59.000 I love how you obviously want to be Dr. Manhattan.
01:17:02.000 Fuck yeah!
01:17:02.000 I just want to be fucking spider-man.
01:17:02.000 I want to live on Mars and not give a fuck and travel through the universe and have no emotions and be blue and jacked.
01:17:10.000 Because out of all the superheroes, that's the one that you would resemble the most currently.
01:17:15.000 Well, he's the only superhero if you're going to be a superhero.
01:17:18.000 Everyone else is basically like a person with some extra things they do.
01:17:23.000 He's a god.
01:17:24.000 Dr. Manhattan is like one level below a god.
01:17:27.000 Who was fucking Galactica?
01:17:29.000 What was Galactica or Galacticus?
01:17:31.000 I don't know, man.
01:17:32.000 He was like a planet.
01:17:33.000 I don't fucking know.
01:17:35.000 All those superhero movies man, people who don't enjoy those superhero movies lose my number.
01:17:42.000 Yeah, how could you be that sad?
01:17:44.000 I don't love all of them, but most of them.
01:17:46.000 There's a lot of good ones, man.
01:17:48.000 Yeah, they're fun.
01:17:48.000 Here's Galactus.
01:17:50.000 Galactus.
01:17:51.000 Galactus.
01:17:53.000 Originally Galan before its transformation.
01:17:55.000 Oh, you had a transformation and turned into something.
01:17:57.000 A single survivor of the universe preceding the Big Bang of the main universe of the Marvel Comics universe.
01:18:04.000 What?
01:18:09.000 With these traits and his appointment of powerful beings as his heralds, formerly the Silver Surfer.
01:18:16.000 Oh, he used to run the Silver Surfer.
01:18:19.000 That's right.
01:18:20.000 Okay.
01:18:20.000 That's right.
01:18:21.000 I just remember him being a Bigfoot.
01:18:22.000 Look, he's holding a fucking planet.
01:18:24.000 He's going to be the next guy that they fight when they probably start up the movies.
01:18:28.000 Oh, no.
01:18:28.000 No way, really?
01:18:29.000 I'm making a guess by itself because it sounds like he's got Thanos power.
01:18:32.000 Bro, they should bring back the Silver Surfer, man.
01:18:34.000 I fucking loved the Silver Surfer when I was a kid.
01:18:36.000 Dude, Silver Surfer was badass.
01:18:36.000 They did it once, but it was kind of weird.
01:18:39.000 And Fantastic Four.
01:18:39.000 Those weren't great.
01:18:41.000 There was one Silver Surfer movie, though, wasn't there?
01:18:44.000 Was there a Silver Surfer movie?
01:18:46.000 I thought it was the Fantastic Four.
01:18:47.000 I think it was a Fantastic Four Silver Surfer.
01:18:50.000 I think there was an actual Silver Surfer.
01:18:52.000 The Rise of the Silver Surfer.
01:18:53.000 Fantastic Four, 2007. Oh, so it was a specific episode of The Fantastic Four, The Rise of the Silver Surfer.
01:19:00.000 Yeah, it was a sequel to that first with Chris Evans when he was in Captain America.
01:19:03.000 He was in The Fantastic Four.
01:19:05.000 Oh, shit.
01:19:05.000 They got to keep everybody together, can't they?
01:19:08.000 The Silver Surfer have his own shit?
01:19:11.000 Can't let the Silver Surfer have some fun.
01:19:13.000 Michael Chiklis was the thing.
01:19:15.000 See, but see, there's four.
01:19:17.000 Four people.
01:19:17.000 Silver Surfer's five, motherfucker.
01:19:19.000 Give him his own show.
01:19:20.000 Yeah.
01:19:20.000 Silver Surfer was so dope.
01:19:22.000 Oh, he was dope as fuck.
01:19:23.000 Yeah.
01:19:23.000 Yeah, Michael Chiklis.
01:19:24.000 Is that Captain America?
01:19:25.000 Yeah, he was in this.
01:19:26.000 What was he?
01:19:27.000 What was he?
01:19:28.000 Is he Flame?
01:19:28.000 Oh, he's the Flame.
01:19:29.000 Yeah, he's one of the four guys.
01:19:30.000 Oh, shit.
01:19:31.000 Who the fuck is Mr. Fantastic?
01:19:33.000 Michael Chiklis was a good thing, too.
01:19:35.000 You ever watch that cop show that guy was in?
01:19:38.000 No, no.
01:19:39.000 The one afterwards.
01:19:40.000 The Shield?
01:19:41.000 The Shield.
01:19:42.000 The Shield was great.
01:19:43.000 The Shield was excellent.
01:19:44.000 That was an excellent cop show.
01:19:46.000 That was a really good cop show.
01:19:48.000 Like, really good.
01:19:49.000 I think it was...
01:19:51.000 Complicated and...
01:19:52.000 Burr Kreischer's not an episode of that.
01:19:53.000 Is he?
01:19:54.000 Oh, no way.
01:19:55.000 He's jerking off on people?
01:19:56.000 Of course he is.
01:19:57.000 Alright, good for him.
01:19:57.000 That sounds right.
01:19:58.000 Sounds like what he'd get arrested for.
01:20:01.000 Yeah, those movies are fun, man.
01:20:03.000 Like, now more than ever, when shit gets really hard, that's when people want escapism.
01:20:09.000 That's when something like a comic book movie is the most fun.
01:20:12.000 I went through and I just started watching all the ones I missed because I missed a few.
01:20:15.000 Bert Kreischer in The Shield.
01:20:16.000 Here it is.
01:20:16.000 Oh, no way!
01:20:17.000 Look, he's beaten up in the alleyway.
01:20:19.000 Oh, fucking Bert!
01:20:23.000 And they're gonna arrest him for that?
01:20:24.000 Yeah.
01:20:25.000 No!
01:20:25.000 Was he beating off in someone's window?
01:20:27.000 He's peeping Tom like that.
01:20:28.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:20:30.000 Is that a funny thing that they get you for?
01:20:32.000 Oh, they gotta cuff him out there?
01:20:33.000 He gives up so easy, too.
01:20:34.000 Look how easy he gave up.
01:20:36.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:20:37.000 Didn't even try to punch that cop.
01:20:38.000 One cop.
01:20:39.000 So disrespectful.
01:20:40.000 That's outstanding.
01:20:41.000 I love it.
01:20:43.000 Silly Bert.
01:20:44.000 Is that who he was looking at?
01:20:45.000 That guy fucking?
01:20:46.000 I guess.
01:20:46.000 I don't know.
01:20:47.000 Hello.
01:20:47.000 Oh, maybe both of them.
01:20:49.000 Why are you going to make him stick around?
01:20:51.000 They're going to make him address her with his hands cuffed behind his back?
01:20:55.000 And look, they don't even put their clothes on.
01:20:57.000 They're like, we're going to go back to fucking real quick, so what do you have to do here?
01:21:01.000 Look at her.
01:21:02.000 She doesn't even have clothes on.
01:21:03.000 Like a TV show.
01:21:04.000 It's hilarious.
01:21:05.000 But can you imagine like you have to answer the door so quickly you can't even put your clothes on?
01:21:09.000 You just hold a t-shirt over your tits?
01:21:12.000 Super normal.
01:21:13.000 Everybody does that when there's a whole group of people outside your door.
01:21:16.000 Yeah, never in my life.
01:21:17.000 You say, hold on, I need to get dressed.
01:21:18.000 Exactly.
01:21:19.000 Then you can fucking get dressed.
01:21:20.000 That lady's an animal.
01:21:21.000 See her?
01:21:22.000 She's got a towel.
01:21:23.000 She doesn't even want to tie it on.
01:21:25.000 She's like, I'm going to let this go because I'm going to fuck soon.
01:21:28.000 Right?
01:21:29.000 That's what she looked like.
01:21:30.000 You've got to go down at the station.
01:21:31.000 You've got to put your clothes on.
01:21:32.000 She's not going anywhere.
01:21:33.000 She doesn't have time for that shit.
01:21:35.000 She's not going to press charges.
01:21:36.000 No.
01:21:37.000 You could see it in her eyes.
01:21:38.000 Get out of here, you creep.
01:21:41.000 That's a weird one, though, right?
01:21:43.000 Like, peeping into people's windows is illegal.
01:21:46.000 But they're glass.
01:21:48.000 Yeah.
01:21:49.000 That's true.
01:21:50.000 They are transparent.
01:21:51.000 You look right in there.
01:21:51.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:21:52.000 Seems weird.
01:21:53.000 Bert took it a little too far, maybe.
01:21:55.000 For sure, he was beaten off.
01:21:56.000 Yeah.
01:21:57.000 But, like, if you have a window that's facing an alley and someone walks in that alley and they stare in your window, who's the asshole?
01:22:04.000 Yeah, that's a good point.
01:22:05.000 I think there's a time limit, maybe.
01:22:07.000 Right?
01:22:07.000 Yeah.
01:22:08.000 You should count ten Mississippi.
01:22:10.000 You don't even get the fuck out of there.
01:22:12.000 Probably five Mississippi.
01:22:13.000 Weird in those people out.
01:22:14.000 Yeah, what Rear Window is, that movie, the Hitchcock movie.
01:22:18.000 Yeah, it was a fucking great movie.
01:22:19.000 Yeah, God.
01:22:21.000 Oh, yeah.
01:22:21.000 That's right.
01:22:22.000 He spent the whole fucking movie staring into that guy's apartment with binoculars across the way.
01:22:27.000 I barely remember that one.
01:22:29.000 It's way before my time.
01:22:31.000 You know what I barely remembered?
01:22:32.000 I think.
01:22:34.000 I barely remembered.
01:22:34.000 I watched a little bit of it recently.
01:22:36.000 It's Psycho.
01:22:37.000 It's great.
01:22:38.000 I mean, the beginning is great, especially.
01:22:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:22:41.000 That's all I watched.
01:22:42.000 I just watched the shower scene.
01:22:44.000 Fair enough.
01:22:45.000 When he puts the wig on, stabs a chick.
01:22:48.000 Spoiler alert.
01:22:49.000 It's from 1940. But it's um, it's so, whatever, is that what it was?
01:22:55.000 I think so.
01:22:56.000 Whatever it was, it was such an, it was so different than any movie you'd ever see today.
01:23:02.000 Yeah.
01:23:02.000 It's like it was so, just the pacing and the suspense.
01:23:06.000 Love it.
01:23:07.000 It was just different.
01:23:08.000 I used to watch all the old, like, it's like Twilight Zone or the old Hitchcock, Alfred Hitchcock Presents around the same time.
01:23:17.000 I remember this one.
01:23:18.000 He actually, with Janet Leigh, he made sure that it was ice cold water so that the scream, like he would turn it to make sure that the water was ice cold right when she was getting stabbed.
01:23:30.000 So those screams are like actual fucking primal screams.
01:23:33.000 Oh, wow.
01:23:36.000 That sounds very Hitchcockian.
01:23:38.000 But dude, this was such a crazy thing.
01:23:40.000 A naked lady washing herself off.
01:23:44.000 Look at her in ecstasy.
01:23:45.000 This was like erotica.
01:23:47.000 Yeah, and then there's two different shots.
01:23:51.000 This is why it's so scary.
01:23:53.000 Groundbreaking.
01:23:54.000 Because you're in love with her.
01:23:55.000 You're like, I wish I was there to wash your hair.
01:23:57.000 Like, oh fuck.
01:23:58.000 Yeah, you know what I mean?
01:23:59.000 Like, if you're a guy and you're sad, this...
01:24:05.000 Just insane.
01:24:06.000 Oh, this is so crazy.
01:24:08.000 Oh, and then that shot.
01:24:09.000 Yeah, you like see her.
01:24:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:24:12.000 This was such a crazy movie.
01:24:14.000 This scene was so insane.
01:24:17.000 Whoa.
01:24:18.000 Oh, it's so insane, dude.
01:24:20.000 Ugh.
01:24:21.000 Wow, yeah, it still holds up like a motherfucker.
01:24:23.000 Yeah, it holds up.
01:24:24.000 It's masterful in that you don't see anything gory, but you're still horrified and flinching while it's happening.
01:24:31.000 Yeah, like Reservoir Dogs when Mr. Blonde cuts off the cop's ear.
01:24:36.000 Yeah, but even more fucked up because you were in love with her and you were just going to wash her hair.
01:24:40.000 It's 1960. Yeah, you didn't want to wash her hair.
01:24:43.000 You wanted to wash her hair.
01:24:44.000 You wanted to help her.
01:24:44.000 You guys are saying this holds up.
01:24:46.000 When I saw The Exorcist in the theater when they re-released it after the 25th anniversary, me and my friends were hilariously laughing at some of the scenes because people had built it up so long our whole lives.
01:24:58.000 Oh, yeah.
01:24:58.000 It was the scariest thing ever.
01:24:59.000 And she's running down the stairs backwards and she pees on herself.
01:25:02.000 We just thought it was...
01:25:04.000 Hilarious.
01:25:05.000 I mean, we've seen Scream.
01:25:08.000 Those aren't scary either, but that's what our generation's scary movies were.
01:25:12.000 It was just wild how funny this stuff was.
01:25:15.000 I remember that the first one I ever saw as a kid was The Shining, and that still holds up.
01:25:20.000 That still holds up.
01:25:22.000 That's an interesting one, right?
01:25:23.000 Because Stephen King didn't like it.
01:25:26.000 Yeah, that makes sense because it is wildly different from...
01:25:29.000 It's a huge departure from the novel.
01:25:32.000 So I can imagine if you're an artist and then someone takes your artwork and they completely change it in many different ways.
01:25:40.000 They changed it a bunch of ways, but they kept it a bunch of ways, too.
01:25:43.000 It became like a collaboration between him and Kubrick because it was clearly his original idea.
01:25:48.000 But he wanted, I believe, Stephen King wanted that character to go crazy.
01:25:55.000 He didn't want him to have this fucking edge, like, right from the beginning.
01:25:59.000 Like, Jack Nicholson had an edge, like, right from the beginning and then became insane.
01:26:05.000 And then, you know, became...
01:26:07.000 Well, I know what it's like, yeah, to be an alcoholic who just stopped drinking.
01:26:10.000 And I think you have that edge almost from the get-go.
01:26:13.000 Yeah.
01:26:14.000 A little bit.
01:26:14.000 But, I mean, Jack's Jack.
01:26:16.000 That movie was so good.
01:26:18.000 It was top 10 all-time fave for me.
01:26:21.000 That's what's crazy.
01:26:22.000 It's like someone needed to tell Stephen King, like, I know it wasn't the same thing, but goddamn it was good.
01:26:28.000 It was so good.
01:26:29.000 Dude, when those little girls are in the hallway and the fucking blood's coming out of the elevator, holy shit, that's a good movie.
01:26:36.000 So many great moments.
01:26:38.000 I love it.
01:26:39.000 And back then when it came out, like people don't understand.
01:26:42.000 Like The Shining is like, what is that?
01:26:45.000 82 or something like that?
01:26:46.000 1980, I think.
01:26:47.000 Is it?
01:26:47.000 I think so.
01:26:48.000 Is that what it is?
01:26:49.000 Yeah.
01:26:50.000 So 1980. People, you've got to understand.
01:26:53.000 We're talking about a whole different world.
01:26:55.000 Yeah.
01:26:55.000 There's no special effects.
01:26:57.000 If there are there, they're not very good.
01:26:59.000 They're all like clunky.
01:27:00.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:27:01.000 Empire Strikes Back.
01:27:02.000 Yeah.
01:27:03.000 But that's it.
01:27:04.000 It's clunky.
01:27:05.000 Yeah.
01:27:05.000 The special effects are clunky.
01:27:07.000 I guess Empire Strikes Back is pretty fucking dope.
01:27:09.000 And then Alien was 79. That's right.
01:27:11.000 All right.
01:27:12.000 But that's it.
01:27:12.000 My argument's falling apart.
01:27:13.000 Blade Runner was 82. So there's really not much else, though.
01:27:17.000 There is a lot of clunky.
01:27:18.000 So they did this movie with just all of the different crazy moments, like that bathroom moment with the axe coming through the door.
01:27:31.000 There were so many of those moments.
01:27:32.000 The moment with the old lady.
01:27:33.000 Because Kubrick was a fucking master at Creating suspense and and using the sets and the color contrast like just the the the color patterns are Unsettling and the fact that he used those twins weren't exactly they weren't twins There were just little differences that makes it unsettling.
01:27:52.000 There's so many different ways Do you know he used to do complex mathematics for fun?
01:27:57.000 That's how what a genius.
01:27:58.000 He was a trippy dude by far I think the greatest director of all time Well, he definitely is one of them, and one of the most unique ones.
01:28:08.000 You know, there's a crazy conspiracy theory connected to the shining and the moon landing.
01:28:13.000 Yeah, I heard about the moon landing.
01:28:14.000 Yeah, it's all about the number on the door is the exact same amount of thousands of miles.
01:28:19.000 It's 237, and it's 237,000 miles away.
01:28:22.000 I heard that.
01:28:23.000 By the way, it varies.
01:28:24.000 See, that's the problem with that argument, is that the distance between the Earth and the moon is not constant.
01:28:30.000 I think it moves a little bit.
01:28:32.000 So I think it goes as far as 265,000 feet out, or miles, rather.
01:28:38.000 265,000 miles out, and it goes to 237. But I think it varies.
01:28:44.000 I think it goes like this.
01:28:45.000 I think it has like an elliptical orbit around the Earth a little bit.
01:28:48.000 Maybe I made that up.
01:28:49.000 Is that true?
01:28:51.000 Sounds accurate.
01:28:54.000 Sorry, I was in the middle of reading the 237 stuff.
01:28:56.000 Yeah, I heard it was also possibly about Native Americans, how the hotel was built on an ancient Indian burial ground, and even Shelley Duvall sort of looked Native American.
01:29:06.000 You could hear Native American music playing in the opening credits.
01:29:10.000 I wouldn't be surprised if there was many layers to it.
01:29:12.000 Yeah, he's just a brilliant man.
01:29:14.000 He was a brilliant, brilliant man.
01:29:15.000 The little kid did have an Apollo 11 sweatshirt on.
01:29:18.000 Yeah, that's true.
01:29:18.000 He did have an Apollo 11. I mean, that's pretty on the nose.
01:29:22.000 I just remember in the back room, in the stock room, there was like a can of a product with a giant, it was like Geronimo's head on there.
01:29:31.000 I'm sure.
01:29:32.000 Dude, there's so much to that.
01:29:33.000 There's probably many layers.
01:29:34.000 I mean, Kubrick is not going to operate on one layer.
01:29:36.000 No.
01:29:37.000 He's probably going to have a bunch of weird shit in there.
01:29:39.000 I mean, look at 2001. What a mindfuck.
01:29:42.000 Oh, my God.
01:29:42.000 What a mindfuck.
01:29:43.000 Well, there was so much of his work.
01:29:45.000 You know, and he's the guy that the conspiracy theorists, when they get the most crazy, when they really want to dive into who did it, they think it was all Kubrick.
01:29:55.000 Kubrick literally filmed the fake moon landing, uploaded it to the American TV satellites.
01:30:02.000 If anyone could do it, it'd be him.
01:30:04.000 He'd be the guy I would get to do it.
01:30:06.000 Can you imagine if that was really what happened in all these years?
01:30:11.000 I remember hearing all the fucking conspiracy theorists about the Illuminati killing him because he made...
01:30:17.000 Yeah.
01:30:18.000 Well, they were worried he was going to open his fucking mouth.
01:30:20.000 Tell about the moon landing.
01:30:22.000 Oh, no.
01:30:23.000 That's what it was.
01:30:24.000 No, because he made fucking eyes wide shut.
01:30:27.000 That too.
01:30:28.000 That was his last one.
01:30:29.000 They're like, enough.
01:30:29.000 This guy's getting too close.
01:30:31.000 Because I think he died like a week after that movie came out.
01:30:34.000 Of course he did.
01:30:35.000 That's fucked up.
01:30:36.000 That's how they roll.
01:30:37.000 People used to think nobody really rolled that way until this Jeffrey Epstein shit.
01:30:44.000 And they're like, oh, what?
01:30:45.000 It's shocking.
01:30:46.000 This is the first really, truly eye-opening one like this.
01:30:49.000 Yes.
01:30:49.000 Well, that's an Alex Jones one, too.
01:30:51.000 Alex Jones was talking about that way before anybody was.
01:30:54.000 He called it way before, and he said, there's this service, and they take these elites, and they bring them to this place, and they have sex with underage girls.
01:31:01.000 Fuck.
01:31:01.000 And everybody was like, no fucking way.
01:31:03.000 That sounds like science fiction.
01:31:05.000 And then you realize, like...
01:31:06.000 Oh, this is 100% true, and nobody was talking about it.
01:31:11.000 100% true.
01:31:12.000 That's crazy.
01:31:14.000 It's insane.
01:31:15.000 It's insane.
01:31:16.000 It's so weird.
01:31:17.000 And then the guy gets suicided.
01:31:18.000 The guy's in jail, going to trial, and they're like, well, Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide.
01:31:23.000 And they're like, we're all somewhere in the 1940s again.
01:31:27.000 Breaking news!
01:31:28.000 That's just in.
01:31:29.000 Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide today.
01:31:33.000 100% convinced it was not fishy business.
01:31:37.000 I remember Diaz telling me in the parking lot like a week before that happened, he's like, this guy's not going to try it.
01:31:43.000 They're killing this fucking guy.
01:31:44.000 Authorities do not suspect foul play.
01:31:48.000 Jeffrey Epstein, Filthy Rich, what is that?
01:31:50.000 New documentary?
01:31:51.000 It comes out the 27th.
01:31:53.000 It's based off of James Patterson's book, which came out a couple years ago.
01:31:56.000 That's going to get a lot of views.
01:31:58.000 I've been into these Jack Carr books.
01:32:02.000 Have you ever read any Jack Carr shit?
01:32:06.000 Jack Carr has...
01:32:08.000 Three books, and he's working on his fourth one now, and it's all about, it's like, they're thrillers, but like, there's espionage and political shit going on in there, and the main protagonist- Clancy?
01:32:21.000 I don't know, I've never read Clancy, but the main guy is a Navy SEAL, and there's all this crazy shit that happens in all these stories, but in a lot of them, you go, wow, like, I used to think that something like this is preposterous, that people are just making up this idea that people would conspire to do evil,
01:32:43.000 creepy shit all over the world and do it to make money and sacrifice people's lives.
01:32:47.000 But as I've gotten older, I'm like, oh, that's probably way closer to what's really going on.
01:32:52.000 Probably.
01:32:53.000 Like that's probably way closer.
01:32:55.000 Yep.
01:32:56.000 It probably is like that when the guy like Epstein gets arrested and then gets suicided and then everybody's like, well, too bad.
01:33:03.000 Guess he's dead.
01:33:07.000 There's no Senate hearings.
01:33:10.000 They're not standing in front of the TV every day going, what happened?
01:33:14.000 One of the most important witnesses ever.
01:33:17.000 How could the cameras not be working?
01:33:19.000 You didn't check?
01:33:19.000 I love that.
01:33:20.000 Tim Dillon did that.
01:33:21.000 Oh, he's so good at that shit.
01:33:23.000 Oh, Tim Dillon's amazing.
01:33:24.000 He's my favorite.
01:33:25.000 He's, uh, out of all the young, wild guys coming up, he's the most wild.
01:33:31.000 Definitely.
01:33:31.000 He's the most wild.
01:33:32.000 And consistently brilliant.
01:33:34.000 Yeah.
01:33:34.000 He's fucking funny as shit.
01:33:36.000 Yeah, Schultz is very wild, too.
01:33:38.000 He's great.
01:33:38.000 Andrew Schultz, very wild, too.
01:33:39.000 He impresses me.
01:33:40.000 He goes for it.
01:33:41.000 He goes for it.
01:33:42.000 I wish he lived in LA. He takes some risky turns.
01:33:44.000 He takes some risky turns.
01:33:45.000 Yeah, he sure does.
01:33:46.000 Tim Dillon does too.
01:33:47.000 That fucking Meghan McCain thing is the single greatest impression I've ever seen.
01:33:52.000 Ever.
01:33:53.000 You want to fuck these kids though?
01:33:56.000 Apparently she blocked him, which made it even better.
01:33:59.000 I love the way he says, what's her name?
01:34:02.000 Ocasio Cortez.
01:34:03.000 Oh, now he's dressed as a coronavirus.
01:34:06.000 Oh, this was good.
01:34:06.000 Did you hear he did a rant about cruise ships on this podcast?
01:34:10.000 That was great.
01:34:11.000 He did another great rant today or yesterday, a fucking solid one.
01:34:16.000 Every time there's something going on with cruise ships, I send it to him now.
01:34:19.000 We have this back and forth on just cruise ship shit.
01:34:22.000 I still say the most dangerous comic right now who will say whatever the fuck he wants is still Holtzman.
01:34:28.000 Oh, yeah.
01:34:29.000 That guy has balls.
01:34:31.000 He's always been buck wild.
01:34:32.000 I always quote Holtzman's thing about there was a lady who drowned her kids back in the day.
01:34:37.000 Yeah, I remember that.
01:34:38.000 And he goes, ladies and gentlemen...
01:34:41.000 I heard those are bad kids.
01:34:42.000 I mean, he's doing this like a week after.
01:34:44.000 This fucking lady drowned her baby.
01:34:46.000 He's like, they sat that close to the TV! They didn't put away their blocks!
01:34:51.000 Those kids will not be missed!
01:34:53.000 They spilt their milk!
01:34:59.000 We were like, oh no.
01:35:01.000 After 9-11, Mitzi went and put him up.
01:35:03.000 Oh, I mean...
01:35:04.000 He's like, you can't come up yet!
01:35:06.000 Let me up, Mitzi!
01:35:08.000 He's like, no!
01:35:09.000 He was so funny at Mitzi's memorial.
01:35:11.000 He would just say the most fucking horrible shit and then list off a bunch of random tour dates.
01:35:17.000 He's like, August 3rd, August 4th, I'll be at the Yuck Yucks in Montreal.
01:35:21.000 Have you seen his Instagram?
01:35:24.000 Thank God it's Wednesday.
01:35:27.000 I'm here at the In-N-Out Burger.
01:35:29.000 Thank God it's Wednesday.
01:35:31.000 He does some sketch with some lady at a Thai food place near his house.
01:35:35.000 Oh, so funny.
01:35:35.000 You seen that?
01:35:36.000 Yeah, that's the best.
01:35:36.000 And she's singing in Vietnamese and he's like interpreting or something.
01:35:44.000 He's a staple.
01:35:45.000 He's a wild man.
01:35:46.000 He's a staple.
01:35:46.000 Yeah, he really is.
01:35:47.000 And he's a guy that wouldn't exist any other place.
01:35:50.000 There's something about the crazy darkness of the store that helps a guy like that.
01:35:54.000 We're putting him a lot in the documentary, so hopefully we get a lot of eyes on him.
01:36:00.000 I'm really excited about that.
01:36:01.000 I've always said the way to do a special with him is just to film him for like a month.
01:36:05.000 Oh, yeah.
01:36:06.000 Let him do all of his sets for like a month and piece it together.
01:36:09.000 We let him go for an hour, and we got a lot of good material with Holtzman.
01:36:15.000 There's a thing where it's the end of the night, you did your show, and then you're leaving the back bar, and you gotta go take a leak, and you go take a leak, and then you hear, What the fuck did I just say to you?
01:36:27.000 And you're like, oh my god, Holtzman's in...
01:36:30.000 You walk in there, there's like eight other people.
01:36:32.000 You sit down.
01:36:34.000 Holtzman embarrassed at the end of the night.
01:36:36.000 It's a staple.
01:36:37.000 Microphone always in the stand.
01:36:39.000 Ugh, so funny.
01:36:40.000 Oh my god, and he's always...
01:36:42.000 He's very Dangerfield, very Rodney.
01:36:46.000 Well, his look, too, is very old-timey.
01:36:48.000 Like, he's from another era.
01:36:49.000 Tucked-in shirt.
01:36:51.000 And he behaves like that too, like these fucking kids today.
01:36:57.000 I love it.
01:36:58.000 Yeah, there's nothing better than late night at the store.
01:37:00.000 Don Barris, Holtzman, used to be Brody.
01:37:03.000 You know what I always say about that place?
01:37:07.000 I think there's a real argument for objects collecting energy.
01:37:13.000 Put on your woo-woo.
01:37:14.000 Hold on your crystals because we're gonna talk sister.
01:37:17.000 I think there's some real power in objects and I think when you're around objects and you have fun, like if you are in that room, that comedy store, that room is like an encasing.
01:37:34.000 It's like a vessel.
01:37:35.000 Yeah, and there's an encasing of these moments.
01:37:39.000 There's something in the walls.
01:37:42.000 Like, there's so many laughs have been had in that room.
01:37:44.000 There's something in the wall.
01:37:45.000 Yeah, I remember closing up.
01:37:46.000 Part of it's psychological that you're thinking about it.
01:37:48.000 Here I am.
01:37:49.000 I'm thinking about, you know, this is...
01:37:50.000 But part of it's the seasoning.
01:37:53.000 It's like a frying pan that you've used a bunch of times.
01:37:55.000 It's like there's seasoning in that place.
01:37:57.000 I've never seen...
01:37:58.000 That's a perfect way to describe it, seasoning.
01:38:00.000 I've never seen any ghosts.
01:38:02.000 I'm very skeptical of that kind of thing.
01:38:03.000 Super skeptical.
01:38:04.000 But I'm telling you, I would close up that club by myself every night at 3 or 4 in the morning.
01:38:11.000 For five years and I didn't feel great about closing up by myself at night.
01:38:17.000 Like going up to the belly room and shutting up all the fucking lights?
01:38:20.000 Yes.
01:38:20.000 Fuck that shit.
01:38:21.000 That's the room.
01:38:22.000 Very Outlook Hotel.
01:38:23.000 It's like the Overlook Hotel.
01:38:24.000 It's like The Shining.
01:38:25.000 The belly room for me is the one that freaks me out.
01:38:28.000 And also it's because it's connected to all these corridors.
01:38:31.000 Yeah.
01:38:31.000 It's like this room there.
01:38:32.000 And the mirrors and shit.
01:38:33.000 And you go upstairs there.
01:38:35.000 Yeah.
01:38:35.000 And then over there is the little green room.
01:38:37.000 It's like everything's dark.
01:38:37.000 It's like a haunted house.
01:38:38.000 What's going to jump out at you?
01:38:39.000 Right, right, right.
01:38:39.000 And then over there's a stairway to get downstairs into the hallway.
01:38:42.000 Yeah.
01:38:43.000 And then there's the doorway to the outside.
01:38:45.000 Sometimes that would slam.
01:38:46.000 Yeah.
01:38:47.000 So many different entrances and exits.
01:38:49.000 I feel like, I don't know how many people have been killed in that building.
01:38:52.000 I don't know how many people have been killed in that building.
01:38:54.000 Many.
01:38:54.000 But I think they killed a fuckload of them in that room upstairs.
01:38:57.000 Yeah, I'll bet.
01:38:58.000 That room upstairs is the one that gets me.
01:39:01.000 I think they did the murder probably in the basement, no?
01:39:04.000 I guess that makes sense.
01:39:06.000 Yeah, that would make sense.
01:39:07.000 I heard that as well about the basement.
01:39:10.000 Yeah.
01:39:10.000 But that room gives me the creeps.
01:39:13.000 The basement gives me the creeps a little bit, too.
01:39:15.000 It used to before they fucking converted it into a podcast studio.
01:39:19.000 Now it gives you more of the creeps.
01:39:21.000 I did Argus' show down there.
01:39:23.000 Super creeps.
01:39:25.000 No, that was fun.
01:39:25.000 There you will about Argus, man.
01:39:26.000 I love that guy.
01:39:27.000 He always kills.
01:39:29.000 He's constantly writing new material.
01:39:31.000 It's always solid.
01:39:34.000 He's fucking good.
01:39:35.000 He's very good.
01:39:36.000 And I also like his style with the dark room, the spotlight.
01:39:40.000 We did spots together, which I'm usually not in the same time as him, like right before him or after him.
01:39:47.000 But we did them back-to-back once, and I was like, Damn, it's really good material.
01:39:52.000 It's tight.
01:39:53.000 And a lot of it is like things that are happening right now.
01:39:57.000 Like things that are current in the news.
01:40:00.000 And he had great bits on them.
01:40:01.000 He's great.
01:40:02.000 Like a really, really sharp writer.
01:40:03.000 He's perfect to go up right there.
01:40:05.000 Second on the line.
01:40:07.000 Yeah, he gets everything popping.
01:40:08.000 Except the tone for the rest of the night.
01:40:09.000 I just love the fact that he loves it so much.
01:40:11.000 Yeah, he fucking can't get enough of it.
01:40:13.000 He's been doing it forever.
01:40:15.000 45 years.
01:40:16.000 But he still loves it.
01:40:17.000 Yeah.
01:40:18.000 You ever see him jogging?
01:40:20.000 Yes, I have.
01:40:21.000 Super addicted to jogging.
01:40:22.000 He can't get enough of that either.
01:40:23.000 Yeah, seven miles a day, twice a day, I heard.
01:40:26.000 I don't know if that's...
01:40:27.000 That's insane.
01:40:28.000 I saw him one time outside at a grocery store.
01:40:31.000 It's like seeing your teacher out of school.
01:40:34.000 It was off-putting.
01:40:35.000 And he jogs into Hollywood, which is even weirder.
01:40:37.000 Yeah.
01:40:38.000 You know?
01:40:39.000 I mean, he's like, fuck a gym.
01:40:40.000 I'm just going to use the road.
01:40:43.000 There's something about those people, right?
01:40:45.000 When you're in your neighborhood and someone just is using your neighborhood like a gym.
01:40:49.000 Yeah.
01:40:49.000 It's like, there's something weird about that.
01:40:51.000 Shouldn't you go run where people run?
01:40:53.000 Like, why are you running where people drive?
01:40:54.000 Yeah.
01:40:55.000 But it's a thing that people do, man.
01:40:57.000 Drown?
01:40:58.000 I don't know.
01:40:58.000 Like in New York City, there's always people that are using the city as their gym.
01:41:02.000 Yeah.
01:41:03.000 They're just running.
01:41:04.000 Like, everybody else is walking, and these people are exercising.
01:41:07.000 Yeah.
01:41:07.000 You know, it's fucking weird.
01:41:09.000 Argus even has a bit about that.
01:41:11.000 Does he?
01:41:12.000 Yeah, he says, you see a guy on a bicycle in LA, that guy's working out.
01:41:16.000 You see a guy on a bicycle in Dallas, Texas, he's got DUI. It's true.
01:41:23.000 It's a pretty good Argus impression, too.
01:41:25.000 It's okay.
01:41:26.000 It's not bad.
01:41:26.000 This is a little bit of slang, too.
01:41:29.000 Where's he from?
01:41:30.000 Oklahoma.
01:41:31.000 Oh, there you go.
01:41:33.000 Yeah.
01:41:34.000 I've heard some great Argus stories over the years.
01:41:36.000 Like, you know, just him and all the history with Mitzi and the Shores.
01:41:40.000 Yeah.
01:41:41.000 Love Argus.
01:41:42.000 We all love Argus.
01:41:43.000 No, it's a great place, man.
01:41:45.000 Argus's a great guy.
01:41:46.000 It's a great place.
01:41:46.000 There's so many good people there.
01:41:48.000 Yeah.
01:41:49.000 Just when?
01:41:51.000 When?
01:41:51.000 I say July.
01:41:52.000 I think July.
01:41:53.000 What do we do if this fuck says no?
01:41:55.000 What if he says January 1st?
01:41:59.000 I think we all move to Austin.
01:42:02.000 We all become Trump fans.
01:42:04.000 We gotta get the president involved.
01:42:06.000 Kiss his ass.
01:42:08.000 We all fucking shoot up.
01:42:10.000 We all shoot up with some fucking Lysol and walk down to Austin.
01:42:15.000 We don't require much, Mr. Trump.
01:42:17.000 Just open the fucking comedy store, please.
01:42:20.000 Open the store, please.
01:42:21.000 Just do what you gotta do.
01:42:22.000 Open comedy clubs up.
01:42:24.000 You got our support.
01:42:26.000 Why isn't it an essential business?
01:42:29.000 It seems like it should be.
01:42:30.000 It's certainly more essential than some of the other fucking businesses.
01:42:34.000 Think about how much different is the contact, the close proximity to contact that you get if you were in a comedy show versus if you were in line at a store and you're handing a cashier your money and they're giving you money back and you're looking at it,
01:42:50.000 you're touching hands.
01:42:51.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:42:52.000 Yeah, you're face to face.
01:42:54.000 Yeah, the guy who's bagging your shit.
01:42:56.000 He's bagging it inches from you.
01:42:59.000 He's putting it in the thing.
01:43:00.000 He hands it to you.
01:43:00.000 Thank you.
01:43:00.000 You pass by someone here.
01:43:02.000 You pass by someone there as you're leaving.
01:43:04.000 You're doing that shit all the time.
01:43:06.000 Seems pretty simple to me.
01:43:07.000 You take the forehead temperature, make sure everybody enforce the masks.
01:43:12.000 Separate by table, you know, take out half the fucking tables and call it a day.
01:43:18.000 Here's what's crazy.
01:43:18.000 People don't even want you talking about this, Adam.
01:43:21.000 I know.
01:43:22.000 This is what's weird about it.
01:43:23.000 They get mad if you talk about it.
01:43:24.000 If you even come up with solutions.
01:43:25.000 If you even have a perspective other than what's going on right now exactly.
01:43:32.000 That's not good.
01:43:33.000 No, it's not great.
01:43:34.000 That's not good.
01:43:36.000 No one knows what the fuck is the right thing to do here, right?
01:43:40.000 Yeah.
01:43:41.000 Look, as much as I love Korean baseball, I want to go to work.
01:43:44.000 I want to go back to work.
01:43:45.000 Exactly.
01:43:46.000 Fuck this.
01:43:46.000 I'm sick of it, man.
01:43:48.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:43:49.000 Come on, Garcetti.
01:43:52.000 Hear us.
01:43:53.000 Hear us.
01:43:53.000 Hear us, Eric.
01:43:55.000 Just keep...
01:43:56.000 If people want to be quarantined, let them be quarantined.
01:44:00.000 But don't make everybody be quarantined.
01:44:02.000 Yeah, no more mandated.
01:44:03.000 You've got to destroy everything everybody's worked for in terms of their businesses.
01:44:07.000 That's hard.
01:44:08.000 And I mean, honestly, that is heartbreaking.
01:44:10.000 It is heartbreaking.
01:44:11.000 And every day that it goes on, it gets more and more severe.
01:44:14.000 I'm more for safety and health and all that shit.
01:44:17.000 But I think just like everything else in the world, we need balance.
01:44:20.000 We need to really think about this and come up with some solutions and not just say no.
01:44:25.000 I don't like the narrative, particularly in this case, because it's not what we thought it was going to be in terms of the fatality rate.
01:44:31.000 I don't like the narrative that you're protecting people.
01:44:36.000 That you have to listen to them because it's protecting other people.
01:44:39.000 I don't like that narrative.
01:44:40.000 I don't think there's only one way to protect people.
01:44:43.000 Another way to protect people would be isolate those people.
01:44:46.000 And don't pretend that you can't do that.
01:44:48.000 Because if you can shut down the whole world, you can isolate the vulnerable.
01:44:51.000 You can't.
01:44:52.000 You did a monumental thing already.
01:44:54.000 The most monumental thing really ever.
01:44:56.000 Told people to stop working and they did.
01:44:59.000 Most of the world stopped working for a couple months.
01:45:01.000 It's pretty crazy.
01:45:01.000 Pretty wild.
01:45:02.000 But then you're saying you can do that, but you can't figure out how to isolate We're good to go.
01:45:27.000 Like, educate people.
01:45:29.000 Educate people, and if they do do it anyway, that fucking piece of shit, they were probably gonna put people in danger in some other way.
01:45:35.000 They're probably drunk driving their mom.
01:45:36.000 You know, it's probably an asshole.
01:45:38.000 It's like, you gotta be cognizant of the vulnerable people for sure, but you also have to give people the opportunity To earn a living.
01:45:48.000 To not be homeless and fucking hungry.
01:45:50.000 If they're willing to risk being sick, you've got to give them the opportunity to do that.
01:45:54.000 I'm all for that.
01:45:55.000 And you've got to give them the education to help them get over that cold, to help them keep that virus from getting to them with all the precautions that everybody's using every day anyway.
01:46:03.000 Yeah, the structure to make sure that they're as safe as possible.
01:46:07.000 Exactly.
01:46:07.000 Yeah, that's it.
01:46:08.000 But people don't even like that you're talking about it.
01:46:10.000 Oh my god, that's insane.
01:46:12.000 They're angry.
01:46:13.000 They're so angry at them.
01:46:14.000 Me personally, specifically?
01:46:16.000 Yeah, you right now, because you already talked about it.
01:46:18.000 You talked about it with me.
01:46:19.000 You definitely got a secondhand high.
01:46:21.000 I probably did.
01:46:22.000 Yeah, you did.
01:46:23.000 How do you know?
01:46:25.000 I could tell.
01:46:26.000 You got just a touch.
01:46:28.000 Just a touch.
01:46:30.000 It's the perfect amount.
01:46:31.000 Yeah, like if you're an alcoholic and you hang out with people who drink, it doesn't do a goddamn thing for you.
01:46:35.000 No, nothing.
01:46:36.000 Nothing at all.
01:46:36.000 But if you're a smoker and you decide to take a little time off and you're around people that smoke weed, you catch a breeze.
01:46:45.000 I remember I did a show with Tripoli in Toronto.
01:46:49.000 They have this underground Tripoli.
01:46:52.000 That's all I got.
01:46:54.000 Lizard people!
01:46:56.000 We did the show at that underground place in Toronto that's all weed.
01:47:03.000 Do you know about that place?
01:47:04.000 It's the most preposterous show you've ever done in your life.
01:47:08.000 You're just hotboxing the fuck out of everybody.
01:47:13.000 They had bongs on the table.
01:47:14.000 It was insane.
01:47:16.000 I was just looking out at a cloud.
01:47:20.000 There was a cloud in front of you.
01:47:22.000 You could barely see.
01:47:23.000 With the spotlight and then all the smoke in the room, you barely saw what was going on.
01:47:27.000 And you were so high.
01:47:28.000 There was no air.
01:47:29.000 It was all weed.
01:47:30.000 There was no air left.
01:47:31.000 The candles were running on weed smoke.
01:47:34.000 There was no air in the room.
01:47:35.000 Fuck that.
01:47:36.000 It was all just weed smoke.
01:47:38.000 So Tripoli didn't even smoke anything, but 10 minutes into his act, he forgot where he was.
01:47:43.000 Of course he did.
01:47:44.000 He was on another planet.
01:47:48.000 Yeah, that's a problem with Texas.
01:47:49.000 They don't let you have the weed.
01:47:50.000 Oh.
01:47:51.000 Oh, really?
01:47:52.000 In Austin?
01:47:53.000 I think you have to.
01:47:53.000 Statewide thing?
01:47:56.000 What is the – do you have to have AIDS? They have some CBD laws, I think.
01:48:02.000 Yeah, they let you have CBD, right?
01:48:04.000 I just was Googling earlier.
01:48:05.000 They have some talk of potentially passing laws for recovery from lost money, legalizing it.
01:48:13.000 What I've found out of doing my Texas studies, because I have been doing research, is Austin in particular is a very interesting combination of liberal folks and conservative folks.
01:48:27.000 Like red Texas, and then blue Austin, and then a lot of blue stuff.
01:48:33.000 That's going on, and then the governor doesn't want them to do certain things, and the governor doesn't want them shutting down construction sites, but the city of Austin is more blue.
01:48:43.000 Yeah, it's like the black sheep kid.
01:48:45.000 Austin police will stop arrest tickets in most low-level marijuana cases after unanimous city council vote.
01:48:55.000 What does that mean, though?
01:48:56.000 Maybe we'll let you go.
01:48:58.000 Most.
01:48:59.000 We'll let it go.
01:49:00.000 Most low-level cases.
01:49:02.000 Most of them.
01:49:02.000 Most of them.
01:49:03.000 What kind of a law is that?
01:49:06.000 How do you have that even open to interpretation?
01:49:08.000 Most.
01:49:09.000 Do you let people go if they only have a joint?
01:49:11.000 Most of the time.
01:49:13.000 Sometimes.
01:49:14.000 I fuck them.
01:49:16.000 What does that mean?
01:49:18.000 Most.
01:49:19.000 Just let them go.
01:49:20.000 Say it's just weed, you fucks.
01:49:23.000 Jesus.
01:49:24.000 I love Austin.
01:49:25.000 But the problem is you don't get a place as fiercely independent as Texas, as buck wild as Texas without all that other stuff, too.
01:49:34.000 Austin, it's like the artist colony of Texas.
01:49:37.000 But the people that are right-wing Texas think Austin's gonna fuck it up for everybody.
01:49:44.000 The mayor's fucking up.
01:49:45.000 It's interesting.
01:49:47.000 It's interesting to see the little battle that's going on because people want to keep it the way it is.
01:49:52.000 They know it's special.
01:49:53.000 And they're worried that the liberals are going to fuck it up and the liberals are worried that the Trumpers are going to fuck it up.
01:49:58.000 Right, and isn't Austin's thing, isn't their motto, keep Austin weird?
01:50:02.000 No, that's only losers who sell t-shirts at the airport.
01:50:05.000 Well, that's all I really hang out with when I go to Austin.
01:50:08.000 I just hang out at the airport.
01:50:10.000 Those keep something weird.
01:50:12.000 They're the grossest of all t-shirts.
01:50:15.000 I couldn't agree more.
01:50:15.000 They're the baby on board of t-shirts.
01:50:18.000 You know?
01:50:20.000 Fuck out of here with that.
01:50:22.000 So ridiculous.
01:50:27.000 Keep Austin weird.
01:50:29.000 Shut up.
01:50:31.000 You're not weird.
01:50:31.000 It has a TM at the bottom of it.
01:50:33.000 It's the last thing.
01:50:34.000 You're giving Austin a bad name.
01:50:36.000 No, Austin's great.
01:50:37.000 That t-shirt sucks.
01:50:37.000 No, I'm saying that the Keep Austin weird people are giving Austin a bad name.
01:50:40.000 Oh, okay.
01:50:40.000 I thought you were accusing me.
01:50:41.000 I got defensive.
01:50:41.000 No, not at all.
01:50:43.000 Damn.
01:50:44.000 So, oh, we didn't even talk about your cult, dude.
01:50:46.000 Oh, all right.
01:50:46.000 Yeah.
01:50:47.000 Yeah, we forgot.
01:50:47.000 We have time?
01:50:48.000 Fuck yeah.
01:50:49.000 All right, good.
01:50:49.000 We have plenty of time.
01:50:50.000 I don't even know where to fucking begin.
01:50:53.000 So...
01:50:55.000 When did you first become part of the cult?
01:50:58.000 So I got sent away to this cult.
01:51:00.000 It was like a cult boarding school.
01:51:02.000 How old were you?
01:51:03.000 I was 14. I just turned 14 in 1994. Did your parents know what was going on or did they think?
01:51:09.000 No, they had no idea.
01:51:11.000 What did they think it was?
01:51:12.000 They heard it was a place for troubled kids to get some help.
01:51:17.000 And then...
01:51:18.000 Yeah, they had no idea it was a cult.
01:51:20.000 Wow.
01:51:21.000 No idea.
01:51:22.000 So what was it?
01:51:23.000 Does it have a name?
01:51:25.000 Yeah, it's called CEDU. It's C-E-D-U. And they called it that because you could see yourself how you want to be, and then you'd do something about it.
01:51:37.000 Damn, that sounds like something that Tony Robbins would say.
01:51:42.000 I think it was created originally from something called Synanon, which I think is more well-known.
01:51:49.000 That sounds like some cheesy, not Tony Robbins, but like a low-level, online, motivational guy?
01:51:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:51:57.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:51:58.000 What you do is see, and then do.
01:52:01.000 Sounds so simple, and it is for you.
01:52:03.000 You're gonna see what you don't like, and you're gonna do something about it.
01:52:07.000 Everybody's like, oh my god.
01:52:09.000 Thanks for being here at the Hilton in Alhambra.
01:52:12.000 So this is pre-internet.
01:52:13.000 You're 14 years old.
01:52:15.000 Yeah.
01:52:16.000 1993. I was a big cutter.
01:52:19.000 I was living in Tarzana.
01:52:20.000 I grew up in Tarzana.
01:52:22.000 Big cutter.
01:52:23.000 What was that about?
01:52:24.000 I don't know.
01:52:26.000 Were your friends doing it?
01:52:27.000 No, no.
01:52:28.000 I was doing it.
01:52:29.000 My dad left, and then I started cutting.
01:52:33.000 And then I was getting into fights at school, and I was punching holes in my wall.
01:52:38.000 I was an angry kid, and so it was sort of an outlet, I guess.
01:52:41.000 And then they kept sending me up to the Northridge psych ward.
01:52:46.000 So I got sent away up to Northridge in the youth psych ward.
01:52:51.000 What did they say about you?
01:52:54.000 I don't remember specifically what they said.
01:52:58.000 I think they just told my parents.
01:52:59.000 They didn't tell me anything.
01:53:01.000 I think they told my parents probably.
01:53:03.000 And your parents didn't let you have a sit down with you and say, hey, psycho.
01:53:06.000 After the third time.
01:53:09.000 Look what the doctor says.
01:53:10.000 My mom didn't know what to do with me, but after the third time I got sent up to the psych ward, they said, if you do this one more time, anything else, we're going to have to send you away somewhere more serious, probably.
01:53:23.000 Whoa.
01:53:24.000 And so, I did it again, and then we took a tour up to, they said we were just going to go up to take a tour of this school that I could be sent away to.
01:53:33.000 That was it.
01:53:33.000 They said, if you do it one more time, we're going up and we're going to tour this school.
01:53:37.000 And if you do this one more time, then we're going to bring you back here and drop you off.
01:53:40.000 You're going to stay there.
01:53:42.000 And so we went up to the San Bernardino Mountains and we got out of the car.
01:53:47.000 I toured the campus.
01:53:48.000 It was a beautiful campus.
01:53:50.000 It was like this giant cabin up near Lake Arrowhead.
01:53:54.000 And it used to be owned by the Houstons, you know, Walter and Angelica and John Houston.
01:54:03.000 And they were telling me, you know, just about the school and stuff and all the rules.
01:54:08.000 There were a lot of rules.
01:54:09.000 They called them agreements.
01:54:10.000 And then my parents, I came back and went and talked to my parents and they told me that I was staying there.
01:54:17.000 And I just said, well, fuck you.
01:54:19.000 And then I left and...
01:54:21.000 And they strip-searched me, and that was it.
01:54:26.000 Then I went into what they call a rap, and raps are intense.
01:54:29.000 So the rap was this three-hour-long, kind of like a group therapy session, but everyone is just sort of...
01:54:39.000 Oh my god, it was so bizarre.
01:54:41.000 So I had only been at the school two hours.
01:54:44.000 I'd just been strip searched and I'd been put into one of these three-hour wraps and the girl next to me was like rocking back and forth on the chair, sort of like sobbing quietly.
01:54:56.000 And then the kid next to me got up, walked across the room and switched seats with someone because you weren't allowed to talk to someone next to you.
01:55:03.000 You had to be across the room.
01:55:05.000 And that kid started screaming at the kid right next to me over here.
01:55:08.000 And then this one just started screaming at the floor and started screaming at the floor like, I hate you mom, I hate you dad.
01:55:18.000 And then someone started putting all this Kleenex, all these tissues, and I'm like, why are they putting all these fucking tissues here?
01:55:25.000 And then you just see all this snot and spit and mucus empty out of this girl's body.
01:55:32.000 Because she's just screaming and like blood vessels are popping and she's crying and screaming and it was the most disgusting thing you've ever seen.
01:55:41.000 And I was like, oh my god, I'm going to be here for two and a half years and this is going to happen three times a week.
01:55:49.000 There was a lot of sleep deprivation.
01:55:53.000 What did your parents think it was?
01:55:55.000 They were told by the counselors at the psych ward that it was like a place for troubled kids when you didn't know what else to do with them.
01:56:05.000 So the psych ward was in on it?
01:56:07.000 Yeah.
01:56:09.000 Yeah, it's weird.
01:56:10.000 Do you think they were fooled?
01:56:13.000 Or do you think that they knew what was going on?
01:56:16.000 I think that maybe they were fooled.
01:56:18.000 I think they were probably fooled.
01:56:20.000 I don't think anybody really knew.
01:56:21.000 This is pre-internet, right?
01:56:22.000 Yeah, this is all pre-internet.
01:56:24.000 It'd probably be easier to fool people because you can't do a wiki on them.
01:56:25.000 Yeah.
01:56:26.000 I mean, the government finally shut them down.
01:56:29.000 So they were accredited, though, or something.
01:56:32.000 Yeah, I think so.
01:56:33.000 I mean, they were approved by.
01:56:34.000 Yeah.
01:56:35.000 It had been, you know, around...
01:56:37.000 CEDA was there for, I think, since the 70s, I want to say.
01:56:40.000 Jesus Christ.
01:56:40.000 Maybe even earlier.
01:56:41.000 Maybe the late 60s.
01:56:42.000 That's the scary ones.
01:56:44.000 Yeah.
01:56:44.000 The ones with legs.
01:56:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:56:47.000 You know?
01:56:47.000 But it was a really weird mix of students.
01:56:50.000 It was like, I think Paris Hilton went there at one point, and then there was like, just a lot of kids there on court orders, and there was, you know, it was just a real mix, weird mix of people.
01:57:01.000 Wow.
01:57:01.000 But they had these 24-hour, what they called profites, and they were all named after a different chapter of the book called The Prophet by Khalil Gibran.
01:57:10.000 Dude, I have to pee so bad.
01:57:12.000 I'm going to stop you right here because I can't.
01:57:14.000 I was like, I'm going to hang on to this.
01:57:16.000 I'll be fine.
01:57:17.000 But I drank three cups of coffee before I got here.
01:57:20.000 Hopefully.
01:57:20.000 I'm sorry.
01:57:21.000 We'll be right back, folks.
01:57:22.000 Okay.
01:57:22.000 Sorry.
01:57:23.000 We're back.
01:57:24.000 You were saying something about the Prophet based on the Khalil Gibran.
01:57:28.000 How do you say that?
01:57:28.000 Khalil Gibran.
01:57:29.000 Gibran.
01:57:30.000 Yeah.
01:57:30.000 It was...
01:57:32.000 They have these things called profites.
01:57:35.000 So you go through the program with a peer group.
01:57:38.000 So everybody that was enrolled at the same time as you in the same like two months, you go through these almost like these rites of passages called profites and there were these 24-hour long workshops.
01:57:50.000 I think?
01:58:09.000 And what was odd is that all the staff members were, there were a lot of, there were like two or three staff members who were the counselors at the school.
01:58:18.000 They had no real credentials.
01:58:20.000 They weren't like therapists, but they acted as therapists.
01:58:23.000 But they all had fucked up lives too.
01:58:26.000 Of course.
01:58:28.000 And so some of them, like there were people that really got off on the power, like many cult leaders do.
01:58:33.000 And then there were some that were former students there that were sent away for being bad kids.
01:58:39.000 So there were staff members like...
01:58:41.000 Confessing to...
01:58:43.000 I heard one guy said, claimed that he set a homeless guy on fire.
01:58:47.000 Another one would strangle cats.
01:58:50.000 And they're like, these are the fucking people that are teaching us?
01:58:54.000 You had to fall asleep around a dude who used to strangle cats?
01:58:56.000 No, you couldn't fall asleep in the proffeets.
01:58:59.000 Oh, right.
01:59:00.000 I mean, eventually.
01:59:01.000 I mean, I think they lived off campus.
01:59:05.000 Fuck, man.
01:59:06.000 That sounds insane.
01:59:08.000 Yeah, it was pretty wild.
01:59:09.000 They all have that element in them.
01:59:10.000 That's a Scientology element too, right?
01:59:12.000 And then also Catholicism.
01:59:14.000 You have to confess.
01:59:15.000 Right.
01:59:16.000 There's a thing that Scientology does where they go over all sorts of aspects of your life and they save that.
01:59:24.000 Yeah, I save that in the monster.
01:59:25.000 They save all those recordings.
01:59:26.000 And then when you want to talk shit, they're like, oh, well, you thinking about leaving?
01:59:30.000 How fascinating.
01:59:32.000 Yeah.
01:59:32.000 We're going to tell everybody about that thing that you do with clowns.
01:59:35.000 I wonder why they would do it here then, because we had no power to, like, we're all underage.
01:59:41.000 Well, that's a different organization.
01:59:44.000 What they're doing is probably getting power over you.
01:59:48.000 I mean, it seems like that's what those things are always about.
01:59:50.000 They're always about power, and it's usually the main dude's banging everybody's wife.
01:59:54.000 Right.
01:59:56.000 They get a lot of money.
01:59:57.000 The teachers, there were teachers that were for sure banging the students.
02:00:00.000 There's no doubt about it.
02:00:02.000 Look, if a guy can lie about what he does for a living and get laid, they'll do it.
02:00:09.000 There's a certain percentage of guys that will do it.
02:00:12.000 If they can lie and control people, they'll do that too.
02:00:17.000 Like, it's just different levels of douchebaggery.
02:00:20.000 Right.
02:00:20.000 Do you get to that cult leader level?
02:00:23.000 This is like the big boss.
02:00:24.000 Yeah, it's just like everything else, man.
02:00:26.000 Yeah, right.
02:00:26.000 Okay.
02:00:27.000 It's like levels, there's levels of where people can, you know, they can control people in the strangest ways and get people, like the Hale-Bopp comet people.
02:00:38.000 Oh, yeah, exactly.
02:00:39.000 They cut their balls off.
02:00:40.000 That was a big part of it, like releasing yourself from your sexuality.
02:00:41.000 I don't remember that part of the fucking story.
02:00:43.000 Yeah.
02:00:44.000 Holy shit.
02:00:45.000 Yeah, the main guy cut his balls off and he encouraged others to cut their balls off as well to free themselves from the confines of sexual lust.
02:00:53.000 Fuck.
02:00:54.000 Yeah.
02:00:54.000 Do you remember that guy?
02:00:56.000 Remember what he looked like?
02:00:57.000 I remember exactly what he looked like.
02:00:58.000 He almost looked like Mr. Magoo without the glasses.
02:01:01.000 Yeah, there he is.
02:01:02.000 Oh, Magoo, you've done it again.
02:01:04.000 So you don't have to have a good hustle to start a cult.
02:01:09.000 That's not a good hustle.
02:01:10.000 That's a terrible hustle.
02:01:11.000 But you need to have a hustle that works good on dumb people.
02:01:15.000 And that's the difference.
02:01:17.000 Just like the guy when Frank Santos used to do his hypnotism acts as stitches, there was a guy that would come in his pants.
02:01:24.000 He would do different things different times.
02:01:27.000 He'd make things up.
02:01:28.000 He had a bunch of different things he would do.
02:01:29.000 But I remember one of them, he's like, this was when Madonna was hot.
02:01:33.000 He was telling this guy that he's having sex with Madonna.
02:01:37.000 It might have been Janet Jackson, someone like that.
02:01:39.000 Someone very popular at the time.
02:01:40.000 Someone hot and popular.
02:01:41.000 And then he's like, you're gonna, oh my goodness, you're gonna pop.
02:01:45.000 And the kid's like, oh, the kid comes.
02:01:48.000 And you're like, I don't believe this!
02:01:50.000 We're all looking at each other, and Greg was like, for sure he came.
02:01:52.000 I'm like, for sure!
02:01:53.000 That guy just came!
02:01:55.000 That guy came, and he looks all embarrassed, and he's looking around, confused.
02:01:58.000 He's not a good actor, he's just a moron.
02:02:01.000 There's certain things that some guys can do to really dumb people where they can sink into their brain.
02:02:08.000 But stand-up is similar to that, but not, not, not really.
02:02:13.000 It's similar to hypnosis.
02:02:14.000 That kind of hypnosis is weird hypnosis.
02:02:16.000 It only works on really moronic people.
02:02:18.000 Very susceptible.
02:02:19.000 Yeah, just vulnerable people, man.
02:02:21.000 Maybe it might not even be dumb.
02:02:23.000 It might be just you got programmed poorly.
02:02:26.000 I know a lady who's Mormon.
02:02:29.000 Her whole life's Mormon.
02:02:30.000 And one of the things she said that was kind of shocking.
02:02:32.000 She was like, I'm more, because she left that religion, and she's like, but I'm very susceptible to bullshit.
02:02:40.000 Like, I'm very susceptible to gurus and cults.
02:02:43.000 It's like, there's a part, when you develop your whole life, 35, 45 years of thinking a certain way, and then all of a sudden, it's shut off.
02:02:52.000 And you're like, okay, all that stuff that you believe, that was all bullshit.
02:02:55.000 So don't go there anymore.
02:02:56.000 Now, good luck.
02:02:57.000 You're like, oh, who's got the answer?
02:03:01.000 Those are the ones ripe for the picking.
02:03:04.000 So it might not even be dumb.
02:03:07.000 They're lost.
02:03:08.000 They need some direction.
02:03:10.000 Yeah, something.
02:03:12.000 Programmed poorly.
02:03:13.000 Yeah.
02:03:14.000 Well, I wasn't...
02:03:16.000 I don't think I was...
02:03:17.000 There he is!
02:03:17.000 There's Frank Sanos!
02:03:18.000 Oh, wow!
02:03:19.000 This is when he...
02:03:19.000 This is the comedy connection.
02:03:21.000 This is when they moved to Out of Stitches.
02:03:23.000 This is the larger room that was in Faneuil Hall.
02:03:25.000 He did a little bit.
02:03:26.000 A little bit.
02:03:27.000 See, do you got any volume on this?
02:03:30.000 He's making them all think they just watched a sad movie in this clip.
02:03:33.000 Yeah, see, they're all crying.
02:03:34.000 Oh, no!
02:03:45.000 These people are all freaking out.
02:03:47.000 These people are all freaking out.
02:03:53.000 Dude, you had to see it in real life.
02:03:55.000 This is not doing it justice.
02:03:56.000 No, it's just like the guy...
02:03:57.000 Who was it?
02:03:57.000 There was certain people that would be faking it.
02:03:59.000 Flip orally.
02:03:59.000 He could tell when you're faking it.
02:04:01.000 He would walk up to you and go, come on, man.
02:04:02.000 You're not under.
02:04:03.000 Get out of here.
02:04:03.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:04:03.000 And he kicked those guys out.
02:04:04.000 I love that.
02:04:05.000 There was other guys that just hook, line, and sinker.
02:04:08.000 Yeah.
02:04:08.000 They believe they were...
02:04:09.000 They want it.
02:04:09.000 Yeah, they believe they were having sex with a mermaid or something.
02:04:12.000 They believe they were in a sword fight.
02:04:14.000 It's just...
02:04:15.000 That's so fascinating to me.
02:04:16.000 Yeah, it is.
02:04:17.000 And that's who gets caught into the Hale-Bopp comment.
02:04:20.000 Gets their balls cut off.
02:04:21.000 Their dick balls.
02:04:22.000 Yeah, I don't think they cut it down.
02:04:24.000 Fair enough.
02:04:24.000 Either way, it's pretty intense.
02:04:26.000 It's an intense commitment to your fake god.
02:04:30.000 I went along with it because I didn't want to extend my sentence.
02:04:33.000 If you got in trouble and you didn't play along and you didn't follow the rules, then you add six months to your sentence and you drop a peer group.
02:04:40.000 But you didn't know going in that it was a cult.
02:04:43.000 No.
02:04:44.000 When do you think you figured it out?
02:04:45.000 Until like a fucking two years after I had graduated.
02:04:53.000 Oh my god.
02:04:56.000 So two years after it's all over, you're sitting around going, hey!
02:05:01.000 I think I started talking to someone like, didn't you think that was a little weird when they did this or this or that?
02:05:08.000 And I was like...
02:05:09.000 Why don't you mention it?
02:05:12.000 Wait a minute.
02:05:13.000 Yeah, we had to do 14 days through Joshua Tree, which was beautiful, which was great.
02:05:18.000 But then a four-day solo where they give you like a bag of trail mix and some water and a whistle.
02:05:26.000 And they say, all right, we'll come back in four days.
02:05:27.000 But as a 14-year-old, it's like, what the fuck?
02:05:30.000 What the fuck?
02:05:31.000 Yeah, it was intense.
02:05:32.000 That's crazy.
02:05:33.000 Where was it?
02:05:33.000 Where are the woods?
02:05:35.000 In Joshua Tree.
02:05:37.000 That's a fucking sketchy area.
02:05:39.000 Yeah.
02:05:39.000 14 years old?
02:05:40.000 In the desert, yeah.
02:05:41.000 That's crazy.
02:05:42.000 Yeah.
02:05:42.000 Where were you supposed to get your water?
02:05:44.000 You had a big bag of water.
02:05:45.000 A big bag of water for four days?
02:05:47.000 Yeah, a bag of water for four days.
02:05:48.000 How big is this bag?
02:05:51.000 I don't know.
02:05:52.000 You have your own bag?
02:05:53.000 Yeah.
02:05:54.000 Yeah, you were alone.
02:05:55.000 They give you an area about half the size of this room, this studio.
02:05:59.000 What?
02:06:00.000 And they say, all right, we'll come get you in four days.
02:06:02.000 Here's four granola bars, a bag of trail mix, and a bag of water, and a whistle in case you get bit by a rattlesnake or some shit.
02:06:10.000 Oh my god.
02:06:11.000 And so where are they when this is happening?
02:06:13.000 They're nowhere near you?
02:06:14.000 They said they were around, and I think they monitor you.
02:06:18.000 So they probably saw a lot of beating off.
02:06:22.000 14 years old.
02:06:23.000 I think I spent most of my days.
02:06:25.000 If I was a 14-year-old and I came up with a cult, that would be one of the rules.
02:06:29.000 What was the rule?
02:06:30.000 No beating off?
02:06:30.000 No, no, no.
02:06:31.000 I'd be like, you're going to all be by yourself for four days.
02:06:35.000 You get four granola bars and a bag of water.
02:06:38.000 Like, it sounds like something a 14-year-old would come up with as far as the rules.
02:06:41.000 It sounds like an episode of fucking Fear Factor.
02:06:43.000 And here's a whistle if you get bit by a rattler.
02:06:45.000 I'll be over the top of the hill.
02:06:47.000 You won't see me, but I'll be able to hear you.
02:06:50.000 That sounds like a 14-year-old.
02:06:52.000 I'll never forget, too, when we came out, they told us Kurt Cobain had just killed himself.
02:06:57.000 So was 94. But I remember if you get in trouble, they put you on something called a full-time.
02:07:05.000 And that was never fun because it was like...
02:07:11.000 The amount of time of the full-time was in attorney.
02:07:14.000 So it was based on the staff member.
02:07:16.000 It was either you ran away or you had sex with another student.
02:07:20.000 That happened?
02:07:22.000 Kids are banging.
02:07:23.000 Not me.
02:07:23.000 In between snotty screams.
02:07:26.000 Yeah, a lot of primal scream therapy.
02:07:29.000 Bro, that sounds so cool.
02:07:30.000 But on a full-time, you wake up and you have to try and dig out a stump that's been there since the 70s.
02:07:36.000 No one was ever going to fucking take it out.
02:07:38.000 The biggest stump you've ever fucking seen.
02:07:40.000 I remember when I got enrolled, the first thing I saw was a kid and a pickaxe.
02:07:44.000 And I'm like, what the fuck?
02:07:45.000 That's why they have dynamite.
02:07:47.000 Yeah.
02:07:47.000 You're supposed to dynamite those things.
02:07:49.000 Yeah, right.
02:07:49.000 Well, they used it for full times.
02:07:51.000 But you're not allowed to laugh or sing or no human contact.
02:07:54.000 You can't talk to anybody for three weeks.
02:07:57.000 Oh, my God.
02:07:58.000 They're mindfucking you.
02:07:58.000 That's how long I was.
02:07:59.000 Yeah, they mindfucked you.
02:08:00.000 There was something called smushing where everybody...
02:08:03.000 It was like you walk into this giant house every night and everyone is telling each other their life stories.
02:08:10.000 Yeah.
02:08:10.000 But it looked like...
02:08:11.000 You remember Jonestown when the 909 people had just drank the Kool-Aid?
02:08:17.000 Yes.
02:08:17.000 And it was just body on top of body?
02:08:19.000 That's what it looked like.
02:08:19.000 Everyone's just cuddling with each other.
02:08:21.000 Oh, my God.
02:08:22.000 And it's like all the staff members are fucking rubbing hair of the girls.
02:08:25.000 Jesus Christ.
02:08:27.000 You're like, this seems highly inappropriate with 13-year-old girls' head in their lap.
02:08:32.000 Oh, God.
02:08:33.000 Yeah, it was fucking, it was trippy.
02:08:36.000 But yeah, my buddy, our buddy, Jeff Garland, put me in touch with this fantastic writer who writes a lot of episodes of Better Call Saul, and we're almost done with our pilot.
02:08:46.000 We're gonna pitch it in about a month.
02:08:52.000 That's one that's going to be fascinating to see how they play that narrative out.
02:08:57.000 Whether they will show that kind of shit, like a 13-year-old girl in a guy's lap, that seems like you can't even do that.
02:09:06.000 We'll see.
02:09:06.000 You can't even do that in fiction, you know what I mean?
02:09:08.000 You'd have to imply it.
02:09:10.000 That's a good point.
02:09:11.000 Well, the problem is it really happened, right?
02:09:16.000 So it's not like it's fiction.
02:09:18.000 So if you were creating this kind of fiction, you're putting it out, people would be like, what?
02:09:21.000 You sick fuck?
02:09:22.000 Why did you even think of that?
02:09:24.000 But you're not doing that.
02:09:25.000 That's true.
02:09:26.000 Yeah, you're relaying some crazy shit that you actually experienced.
02:09:30.000 And how many years are you there for?
02:09:31.000 Almost three.
02:09:32.000 Wow.
02:09:33.000 Yeah.
02:09:33.000 Some of the exercises were crazy.
02:09:36.000 They did this one called Lifeboat, where they choose two students.
02:09:39.000 I was one of the students they chose.
02:09:41.000 And you're on a chair and you can only save two people and all your best friends and shit are sobbing and they're like, please pick me.
02:09:50.000 And you have to look each person in the eye and tell them why they die.
02:09:54.000 What the fuck?
02:09:56.000 And then everyone had to write their own eulogy.
02:09:59.000 Fucking weird.
02:10:00.000 A girl slit her own throat.
02:10:02.000 Oh, Jesus!
02:10:04.000 And another kid jumped off a cliff.
02:10:07.000 See, this is where I'm with the FBI. This is where I take their side.
02:10:11.000 I'm like, I get it.
02:10:12.000 I know why you have to investigate these people.
02:10:15.000 I understand why you're so wary of people starting cults.
02:10:19.000 Because I was saying this to my friend.
02:10:20.000 I'm like, how come no one has ever started a good cult?
02:10:24.000 Bridget Phetasy and I were talking about this the other day.
02:10:26.000 I said we should just call it the cult, like an homage to the band.
02:10:29.000 What about The Squad?
02:10:30.000 But it's not a cult.
02:10:32.000 I'm just kidding.
02:10:32.000 But I'm saying a real cult.
02:10:34.000 No one can start a good one.
02:10:36.000 Like a real solid one with good morals.
02:10:41.000 They're always the same.
02:10:43.000 I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you're onto something.
02:10:45.000 I think I'm onto something.
02:10:46.000 This is why the FBI is forced to jump in.
02:10:48.000 Because it's almost like a thing that's 99% done by assholes.
02:10:52.000 Right.
02:10:53.000 But 1%, I'm looking for that needle in a haystack.
02:10:55.000 I'm looking for that piece of gold in the pile of shit.
02:10:57.000 I know it's in there.
02:10:59.000 One of those cults is someone who really just has good intentions.
02:11:02.000 Yeah.
02:11:02.000 Do you know who Alex Gray is?
02:11:04.000 Oh, yes.
02:11:05.000 I love fucking Alex Gray.
02:11:06.000 He does a lot of psychedelics.
02:11:08.000 He might be one.
02:11:09.000 He is actually a guy.
02:11:10.000 You're absolutely right.
02:11:11.000 He's the real deal, because he actually started a religion, and the religion is based on art.
02:11:14.000 It's not based on profit, and he's building the most insane, beautiful, artistic structure.
02:11:20.000 I love his shit.
02:11:21.000 The thing that they're building to do their worship in, I mean, I don't know what you'd call it, a cathedral?
02:11:26.000 Does he call it a cathedral?
02:11:27.000 What does he call it?
02:11:30.000 Chapel?
02:11:30.000 Chapel of Sacred Marriage, right?
02:11:32.000 Isn't that what he calls it?
02:11:33.000 I heard about this fucking thing.
02:11:34.000 No, I think that's what he called the place in New York.
02:11:38.000 I think he calls this something different.
02:11:41.000 But you've seen it, right?
02:11:42.000 Have you seen the images?
02:11:43.000 I have one art book.
02:11:46.000 I think it's in there, maybe.
02:11:48.000 No, I don't think so.
02:11:49.000 But some of the images from his art are in the cathedral.
02:11:54.000 The whole thing is like this gigantic work of art.
02:11:58.000 I don't know if they're 3D printing the outside or...
02:12:01.000 Cosm is the chapter of Sacred Mirrors, and then Entheon is that place.
02:12:05.000 That's right.
02:12:06.000 Entheon is the place up in upstate New York.
02:12:09.000 I think Duncan said he was there.
02:12:10.000 He belongs there.
02:12:11.000 He's gonna move there.
02:12:12.000 That makes sense.
02:12:13.000 That checks out.
02:12:14.000 Yeah, totally.
02:12:15.000 Duncan could start a good cult.
02:12:16.000 That's what it looks like on the outside.
02:12:18.000 That's stunning.
02:12:19.000 Dude, it's dope.
02:12:20.000 It's basically his art, but his art in a building.
02:12:24.000 Like, he made a building Out of his art.
02:12:27.000 That's cool.
02:12:28.000 It's crazy.
02:12:28.000 This seems like it would be in, like, Sedona or something.
02:12:30.000 No, man.
02:12:30.000 It's in upstate New York?
02:12:31.000 Yeah, and they're, like, good tax payers and shit.
02:12:34.000 And it's a real religion.
02:12:36.000 So I think they have...
02:12:37.000 Actually, they're not good taxpayers.
02:12:39.000 They have tax-exempt status.
02:12:41.000 I think that's the whole deal.
02:12:42.000 Oh, shit!
02:12:43.000 Good for them!
02:12:44.000 That's what I'm saying.
02:12:45.000 I think they're a real religion.
02:12:46.000 Yeah, there it is.
02:12:47.000 But he's a guy that I believe.
02:12:49.000 Yeah, he seems like a good dude.
02:12:51.000 Oh, he's not trying to take everybody's money and bang everybody's wife.
02:12:56.000 He's really just this guy.
02:12:57.000 He's a really sweetheart guy and an amazing artist.
02:13:00.000 There are people like that.
02:13:01.000 You know him and Ram Dass.
02:13:03.000 Yeah, Ram Dass is a great example.
02:13:05.000 There's people that really do exist or did exist that really are pure.
02:13:09.000 That's really what they want to do.
02:13:10.000 I don't know if this guy started out that way.
02:13:12.000 Who knows?
02:13:13.000 It's one out of a hundred.
02:13:14.000 Yeah, one out of a hundred.
02:13:16.000 One in a hundred.
02:13:18.000 Most of them get to that spot and they just, you know.
02:13:21.000 It's like when they get into it in the first place, are they doing it because it's been done to them?
02:13:29.000 Like some of them, clearly, right?
02:13:30.000 Some of them seem like they were a victim of it.
02:13:32.000 The staff members, for sure.
02:13:33.000 That's why I know the one who set the homeless guy on fire.
02:13:37.000 I know for sure that's why he did it.
02:13:39.000 He got put through this bullshit.
02:13:41.000 He was going to inflict it on somebody else.
02:13:43.000 Bro!
02:13:43.000 What the fuck?
02:13:44.000 Garbage.
02:13:45.000 Garbage people.
02:13:47.000 And then the craziest thing was maybe about seven or eight years after I graduated, a lot of kids would split.
02:13:53.000 I split.
02:13:53.000 You run away.
02:13:54.000 But then you get caught or you come back to the school once you find out your parents aren't going to take you out.
02:14:00.000 But a lot of kids never came back.
02:14:02.000 And that was just the fact to the kids.
02:14:05.000 We don't know what the fuck happened to them.
02:14:07.000 They would always tell us that the parents pulled them out of the school.
02:14:11.000 Some of the kids that ran away and never came back.
02:14:13.000 But it was on the side of this giant, almost like a cliff, this backside of a mountain.
02:14:18.000 And some kids would walk down into town through the road.
02:14:21.000 And some kids, they said, would run away and go down the backside of the mountain.
02:14:26.000 And they said some kids died going down the backside.
02:14:29.000 Some kids got kidnapped.
02:14:31.000 Who fucking knows?
02:14:32.000 But I found out about seven or eight years after the club was closed, they found out that there was actually a serial killer that was working at the school.
02:14:41.000 He was like...
02:14:43.000 Like the night janitor kind of guy.
02:14:46.000 And confessed to murdering like a handful of kids that we thought ran away.
02:14:52.000 And he got caught for something else and then confessed to all these murders he had committed over the last decade.
02:14:58.000 And four of them were kids while he was working up at the campus.
02:15:02.000 Holy shit.
02:15:04.000 Crazy.
02:15:04.000 And that was while I was there.
02:15:06.000 Yeah.
02:15:07.000 Bonkers.
02:15:08.000 Fuck.
02:15:09.000 Pretty wild.
02:15:10.000 So it took you a few years.
02:15:13.000 Was it a relationship that you were in where a girl was explaining to you?
02:15:18.000 No, it was while I was talking to former students.
02:15:21.000 Oh.
02:15:22.000 And then it started opening my eyes, and I was like, oh, yeah.
02:15:25.000 So it wasn't talking to someone who wasn't in it.
02:15:28.000 Right.
02:15:28.000 It was talking to someone who was in it.
02:15:30.000 Yeah.
02:15:30.000 So together you were like going, hey, I've talked to some other people.
02:15:33.000 Yeah.
02:15:34.000 Exactly.
02:15:34.000 That's not what 14-year-olds do.
02:15:36.000 Right.
02:15:37.000 Fuck, man.
02:15:39.000 And then when Facebook...
02:15:40.000 It was even longer than that because I think then when Facebook came out...
02:15:44.000 Then it was like there were all these groups, and everyone's like, yeah, we were in a cult.
02:15:48.000 There was a lot of them, I think, in the 60s and the 70s.
02:15:51.000 Yeah.
02:15:52.000 I think there was a lot of them where there was a lot of people that were experimenting with different lifestyles, and they're experimenting with drugs, and then there was a lot of people.
02:16:00.000 Whenever you do drugs around people, there's always people that have answers.
02:16:03.000 Right, right.
02:16:05.000 Annoying people that have answers.
02:16:06.000 I'm one of those people.
02:16:07.000 Well, it's like Charles Manson.
02:16:08.000 That's what he did, right?
02:16:09.000 He gave everybody acid, sure.
02:16:11.000 New true crime podcast, The Lost Kids, exposes the twisted, troubled teen industry.
02:16:17.000 Oh.
02:16:18.000 Oh, wow.
02:16:19.000 Wow.
02:16:19.000 Look at that.
02:16:20.000 Just came out.
02:16:21.000 Wow.
02:16:22.000 Holy shit.
02:16:23.000 What kind of timing is this, Adam?
02:16:24.000 Look at that.
02:16:25.000 I got to reach out.
02:16:26.000 The new podcast investigates missing teen Daniel Yuen, I think.
02:16:30.000 How do you say that, you think?
02:16:32.000 Yuen?
02:16:33.000 I don't know.
02:16:34.000 When?
02:16:34.000 When?
02:16:35.000 Yeah, maybe when.
02:16:36.000 When?
02:16:37.000 Sorry, Daniel.
02:16:38.000 Sorry, Daniel.
02:16:39.000 In the controversial Sea-Doo schools.
02:16:43.000 Interesting.
02:16:44.000 Six episodes.
02:16:44.000 Wow.
02:16:44.000 Wow, fascinating.
02:16:45.000 I'll definitely be checking that out.
02:16:47.000 Yeah, man, there was a whole time where people were, you know, regularly getting together groups of people and getting them to do things and telling them things and telling them, you know, got to drink the Kool-Aid and telling them, you got to come with me, we got to...
02:17:03.000 Kill that pregnant lady and write pig on the wall.
02:17:05.000 All that shit came out of cults.
02:17:07.000 All of it.
02:17:08.000 And the Manson one, Fitzsimmons turned me on to this guy that wrote the book.
02:17:16.000 Yes.
02:17:16.000 Yeah.
02:17:17.000 Dude, have you heard of it?
02:17:19.000 I love Fitzsimmons.
02:17:19.000 I've heard all about this guy.
02:17:21.000 The guy's name is Tom O'Neill and his book is called...
02:17:23.000 Chaos.
02:17:25.000 It says Chaos...
02:17:27.000 Oh, that's for sure.
02:17:28.000 Charles Manson and the CIA's mind control experiment.
02:17:32.000 Charles Manson and the CIA and the secret history of the 60s.
02:17:34.000 Yeah, Norm wanted to interview him on our podcast for a long time.
02:17:38.000 He's amazing.
02:17:39.000 You should have him on because he lived it for 20 fucking years.
02:17:42.000 So he can talk to you about it in a depth without even looking at notes, man.
02:17:48.000 He knows everything about the Manson case.
02:17:51.000 It was his life for 20 fucking years.
02:17:53.000 Dude, it's crazy.
02:17:55.000 The book's amazing.
02:17:57.000 It was all...
02:17:57.000 The CIA was giving them acid.
02:18:00.000 Wow.
02:18:00.000 Manson, they kept releasing from jail.
02:18:02.000 He kept violating parole.
02:18:03.000 They'd let him go.
02:18:04.000 They let him go.
02:18:05.000 They knew he was doing crazy shit.
02:18:06.000 Let him go.
02:18:06.000 Let him go.
02:18:07.000 They wanted him to get these hippies to do fucked up things because it would disgrace the anti-war movement and it would get people to be against hippies.
02:18:15.000 Right.
02:18:16.000 So he literally, like, let...
02:18:18.000 Charles Manson, have carte blanche, and they think even experimented on him with acid while he was in jail.
02:18:23.000 That's fucking crazy.
02:18:24.000 And then when he was out of jail, there was a fucking clinic, a free clinic in Haight-Ashbury that operated until Tom's book came out.
02:18:32.000 It had been in operation for 30 or 40 fucking years.
02:18:36.000 No, more.
02:18:37.000 It was like 50 years from the 60s.
02:18:39.000 Tom's book comes out, and they close it.
02:18:43.000 They closed down this free clinic a couple of months after his book comes out, showing that that free clinic was being used in the 1960s by the CIA to dose up hippies and follow them around and do studies on them, and then dose up Johns in whorehouses.
02:18:58.000 They set up fake whorehouses with two-way mirrors and let these guys take acid.
02:19:03.000 They thought they were getting a drink and they were going to have sex with a prostitute, and they would pour acid into their mouth and follow them and fucking run studies on them.
02:19:11.000 Crazy!
02:19:12.000 Oh, that was real!
02:19:13.000 It's called Operation Midnight Climax.
02:19:15.000 A real thing that happened.
02:19:16.000 That's fucking awesome.
02:19:17.000 Bro, this Tom O'Neill book blows the lid off of it.
02:19:20.000 You're like, this is insane.
02:19:22.000 It's insane.
02:19:23.000 That's wild.
02:19:24.000 And Fitz Timmons told me about it.
02:19:25.000 Fitz Timmons doesn't recommend anybody.
02:19:26.000 But he just goes, you have to get this guy on your podcast.
02:19:29.000 He goes, it's right up your alley and it's fucking crazy.
02:19:32.000 And when you hear the whole story, you're like, oh my god, of course.
02:19:36.000 Like, holy shit.
02:19:37.000 Of course.
02:19:38.000 That's fucking bonkers.
02:19:41.000 They fucking experience.
02:19:42.000 Here's the thing I was going to talk about.
02:19:43.000 I watched over this past weekend the entire Netflix special on the Unabomber.
02:19:49.000 There's a four-part special on the Unabomber.
02:19:51.000 And it mentions a lot of fucked up things about the Unabomber.
02:19:55.000 I don't want to spoiler alert anybody, but one thing it kind of leaves out was that he was a part, and I'm pretty sure this has been documented, of the CIA, LSD, Harvard drug studies.
02:20:06.000 Really?
02:20:07.000 Yeah.
02:20:08.000 He was a part of some sort of psychological study in Harvard for three years.
02:20:12.000 By the way, he graduated from school early, so he was at Harvard when he was 17. A 17-year-old kid, they're putting him through this psychological study where they humiliate you.
02:20:23.000 And break down your ideas and call you a fool, and there's recordings of it, of him talking to an adult, 17 year old kid talking to an adult who's just openly mocking him and his ideas and shitting on him, and they think they gave these kids- They created the fucking Unabomber.
02:20:36.000 They think they gave these kids acid too.
02:20:38.000 Wow.
02:20:40.000 For what purpose?
02:20:42.000 Because they were being sadistic.
02:20:45.000 It was just like a cult.
02:20:46.000 You give people too much power, they do whatever the fuck they want.
02:20:49.000 In this case, he gave people too much power and they said, you know what?
02:20:51.000 Let's find out what acid does do to people.
02:20:53.000 Let's find out what happens when you humiliate a kid and break them down and give them acid.
02:20:57.000 Let's try.
02:20:57.000 And so they would just ruin people's lives.
02:20:59.000 And they did it to a ton of people, man.
02:21:01.000 That's so fucking...
02:21:02.000 Yeah, dude, they just experimented.
02:21:03.000 They didn't know what acid really was.
02:21:05.000 They weren't exactly sure what it would do or what it could do.
02:21:07.000 They thought it was going to be a true serum, then it turns out it's not that.
02:21:10.000 Like, what is it?
02:21:11.000 So they did all kinds of experiments with people.
02:21:13.000 And the best way to do them initially was get volunteers.
02:21:16.000 But after the volunteers...
02:21:17.000 Yeah.
02:21:27.000 Yeah.
02:21:34.000 Oh, that's a good point.
02:21:36.000 Yeah, bro.
02:21:37.000 It's bonkers.
02:21:38.000 So what was crazy is they didn't mention none of that in the Kaczynski Netflix thing.
02:21:44.000 And I thought that was fascinating because there was another documentary called The Net.
02:21:50.000 I believe it was a German documentary.
02:21:52.000 It's in subtitles, and it was explaining that as well.
02:21:56.000 But it was going into depth more about the LSD studies that they did on them.
02:22:01.000 People were just starting to understand.
02:22:03.000 There really was a time where they were experimenting on people.
02:22:09.000 That's a real thing.
02:22:10.000 Fuck.
02:22:11.000 I mean, it was going on for a while.
02:22:13.000 They were taking people and running experiments on innocent people.
02:22:17.000 That's crazy.
02:22:18.000 This is a part of our history 50 years ago.
02:22:21.000 The only studies I've seen is like the famous videos like when they give it to like a housewife.
02:22:25.000 There's all this stuff called MKUltra and MKUltra was a real project where they were really experimenting on people to find out what would happen to them.
02:22:33.000 Fuck.
02:22:36.000 There's people that are experts on how to extract information out of people.
02:22:41.000 How do you think they get to be those experts?
02:22:44.000 What do they do?
02:22:44.000 Well, they experiment.
02:22:45.000 What are they experimenting on?
02:22:47.000 Probably prisoners.
02:22:48.000 They probably do it with prisoners.
02:22:49.000 That's what they did with Charles Manson.
02:22:50.000 They experimented on him with acid.
02:22:52.000 And they taught him how to manipulate others with acid.
02:22:55.000 How to use acid to break down societal norms and break down all the structure they had in terms of what was okay and not okay in relationships and their relationship to society, how society was fucking them over.
02:23:07.000 He would force them to have orgies and go, you're going to have sex with her and he's going to have sex with him and put everybody together.
02:23:14.000 Straight, all acid, all fucked up and literally he would pretend to take acid and then like guide them and guide their thoughts and program them and he did it every night and everybody was like, well, where'd he get the acid?
02:23:27.000 Where's he getting all that acid?
02:23:28.000 He's getting it from the fucking government.
02:23:30.000 Wow.
02:23:31.000 Dude.
02:23:31.000 That's fucking bonkers.
02:23:34.000 Dude.
02:23:34.000 Dude.
02:23:34.000 I gotta read this fucking book.
02:23:36.000 And he was emboldened.
02:23:37.000 First of all, he was a fucking psychopath with a terrible childhood.
02:23:40.000 His childhood was just destroyed by the time he was a grown man.
02:23:44.000 Lived half of his life in federal institutions.
02:23:47.000 Half of his life.
02:23:48.000 From the time he got out before Helter Skelter, half of his life he had been in federal prison.
02:23:53.000 Jesus.
02:23:54.000 Crazy.
02:23:55.000 He spent almost his entire life in prison.
02:23:57.000 And most likely, they're pretty sure they were involved in acid studies during that time, at least towards the end before they released him.
02:24:04.000 Fuck.
02:24:05.000 So they release him, and he's been in jail a ton of times for everything, fucking stealing cars, all kinds of shit.
02:24:09.000 Right.
02:24:09.000 And they release him, and he's just getting away with things.
02:24:12.000 Like when he does things, like they think he murdered a guy, they think he murdered a guy at the ranch, the guy disappeared, and he confessed to it later.
02:24:18.000 Just never found that guy.
02:24:20.000 And then he talks these kids into killing people.
02:24:23.000 Talks these kids into stabbing people and robbing people.
02:24:27.000 Bro, I mean, and he keeps getting out.
02:24:30.000 They arrest him for stuff, and they keep letting him go.
02:24:33.000 And no one could understand it.
02:24:35.000 Dude, it's nuts.
02:24:37.000 When you read the book, I listen to the audiobook.
02:24:42.000 I hardly ever read anymore.
02:24:44.000 But when you listen to the story, at the end of it, you're like, whoa, well that makes sense.
02:24:50.000 That's what they were probably doing back then.
02:24:52.000 They probably did stuff like that back then.
02:24:54.000 And he connects it to Sirhan Sirhan, the guy who killed Robert F. Kennedy.
02:24:59.000 He connects it to Jack Ruby, the guy who shot Lee Harvey Oswald.
02:25:02.000 What?
02:25:03.000 Yep, Jack Ruby after this one doctor.
02:25:06.000 This Dr. Jolly, this famous LSD doctor from that clinic, went to visit Lee Harvey Oswald, excuse me, went to visit Jack Ruby after he shot Lee Harvey Oswald.
02:25:16.000 When he leaves, Jack Ruby's crawling off the ceiling, screaming and yelling.
02:25:20.000 He's delusional, demented.
02:25:22.000 He thinks that there's a new Holocaust happening right now and they're lighting Jewish babies on fire in the street.
02:25:28.000 He loses his mind, completely loses his mind after this guy visits him, after this LSD doctor who worked with Manson.
02:25:37.000 Dude.
02:25:38.000 That's crazy.
02:25:39.000 It's the craziest book.
02:25:40.000 You need that book in your life.
02:25:42.000 I can't wait to read it.
02:25:42.000 What's it called?
02:25:43.000 Chaos.
02:25:43.000 Chaos.
02:25:43.000 I think back in the 50s and 60s, they just tried things.
02:25:48.000 That's a great way to look at it.
02:25:49.000 Yeah, sure.
02:25:50.000 Just try some shit.
02:25:51.000 They just tried things.
02:25:52.000 They're like, let's see what happens when we do this.
02:25:54.000 Did you see anything about Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski and LSD experiments at Harvard?
02:26:02.000 He...
02:26:03.000 Digging through, there's a book that came out called...
02:26:08.000 Harvard and the Unabomber...
02:26:13.000 Digging through here, it doesn't specifically say that those tests had LSD in them, but they were psychological tests that happened at Harvard to undergraduate students in the late 60s, or maybe even...
02:26:25.000 Yeah, they brushed over it in the documentary, the Netflix thing, about how they would use drugs on patients.
02:26:33.000 But they were talking about a variety of methods, and they sort of glossed over the fact, and drugs.
02:26:38.000 But LSD was a critical part of that.
02:26:41.000 Because if they dosed them up all the time, they could just rewire them.
02:26:45.000 Right.
02:26:45.000 Like you could rewire someone's brain.
02:26:47.000 Yeah, you're just starting from scratch, kind of.
02:26:48.000 Bro, the book will blow your mind.
02:26:50.000 Yeah, it already has.
02:26:51.000 And as it gets further along, it builds.
02:26:53.000 I mean, it's a masterpiece.
02:26:54.000 The guy did it over 20 years.
02:26:56.000 Fuck.
02:26:56.000 He literally gave up his life searching this thing and then gave birth to this 20-year-old baby.
02:27:02.000 It's amazing.
02:27:03.000 I can't wait to see this fucking baby.
02:27:05.000 But I think, like, when I'm watching the Unabomber thing, and I'm thinking, how many people like that aren't murderous, but lost their fucking mind?
02:27:14.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:27:14.000 Because of some crazy experiments.
02:27:16.000 Oh.
02:27:16.000 Because of someone doing something like that back in the 60s.
02:27:19.000 That's fucking crazy.
02:27:21.000 But how is that different than a cult?
02:27:24.000 I mean, it's different in that...
02:27:27.000 I guess it's different in that they're not taking you to a place, but it's not in terms of one person with an extraordinary amount of power is using and abusing that power in a way that no one would ever consent to, and they don't understand it.
02:27:40.000 They can't understand it, because in your case, when you're 14, you're a fucking little kid.
02:27:46.000 In this case, when you're on acid, they're doctoring your neurochemistry.
02:27:51.000 They're changing the way your fucking brain interfaces with reality and then programming you, talking to you.
02:27:57.000 Anybody who doesn't think that that is insane, and when you find out that that actually went on, like, whoa, has anybody been held accountable for that?
02:28:06.000 What happened there?
02:28:08.000 People still deny it to this day, apparently.
02:28:11.000 But there's been some Freedom of Information Act documents and some other documents they found that were in CIA storage that confirmed the existence of this program and some of the things that they were trying to do.
02:28:23.000 That's so fucking fascinating.
02:28:26.000 And they shut it all down.
02:28:26.000 Once this one guy who was running it died, they're like, that's it.
02:28:30.000 Wrap it up.
02:28:31.000 We're out.
02:28:31.000 Can you imagine coming on board, the CIA, like a year later, not having any idea and everybody's mad?
02:28:38.000 Like, what?
02:28:39.000 I'm here to, I'm looking for terrorists.
02:28:40.000 The fuck you talking about, acid and hookers?
02:28:43.000 Like, what?
02:28:44.000 Who is doing what?
02:28:45.000 Sign me up.
02:28:46.000 There's no documentation of that, like readily available to new recruits.
02:28:51.000 They don't tell you.
02:28:52.000 You know, you sign up for the CIA, you think you're a good guy who's here to save the world from bad people.
02:28:57.000 Right.
02:28:57.000 And meanwhile, you're coming in right on the heels of the regime that was literally operating whorehouses with two-way mirrors, dosing plumbers up with acid.
02:29:06.000 That's fucking crazy.
02:29:08.000 Poor guys.
02:29:09.000 Can you imagine?
02:29:11.000 Just going to have some sex, pay someone to touch your body.
02:29:18.000 They give you acid?
02:29:19.000 They bill Cosby you with some fucking acid and then study you.
02:29:22.000 And that's the government.
02:29:23.000 And your taxes are all paying for that.
02:29:26.000 Whoa.
02:29:28.000 That's cult shit.
02:29:29.000 But that's what people do, man, if they have that kind of power.
02:29:33.000 If you give people just...
02:29:36.000 First of all, also, if you give people that are in the position of any government agency or a police officer that's seen a lot of violence, they've seen a lot of crazy shit, they've seen the worst side of people, and then you give them this super secret power where no one can know what they're doing,
02:29:55.000 and they can literally ghost people, they can make people vanish.
02:29:58.000 You can just shoot somebody in the head and throw them in the ocean.
02:30:01.000 No one's gonna say anything.
02:30:02.000 Everybody's on your side.
02:30:03.000 You're one of the good guys.
02:30:05.000 Ugh.
02:30:06.000 People would just do stuff like that.
02:30:08.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:30:08.000 They need to be held accountable.
02:30:10.000 Definitely.
02:30:10.000 That's what the rules are for.
02:30:11.000 The rules are to keep people from being people.
02:30:13.000 Yeah, accountability is very important.
02:30:15.000 It's paramount.
02:30:15.000 You've got to keep people from giving in to the primal people nature.
02:30:20.000 I like the primal people nature.
02:30:22.000 Seems like that's what those cults are, man.
02:30:24.000 It's like there's a combination of stupid, uninformed narcissism and that weird primal nature to tell people what to do.
02:30:32.000 And you bang it all together with some delusional person with some good vocabulary and some wild stories of what's waiting for them after the Hale-Bopp comet passes overhead and you cut your balls off.
02:30:45.000 It's fucked up.
02:30:46.000 Yeah, it's all fucked up.
02:30:48.000 How did it affect, once you got out and you realized you were out and you talked to all the other people that were out too and you all realized that you were out, how did it affect, did you have to like remap those years in your head?
02:31:00.000 Did you have to kind of think about What life is really like?
02:31:04.000 It was interesting, because I got out when I was 16, so I had to go out.
02:31:08.000 As soon as I got out, I had two more years of high school.
02:31:11.000 So I got thrown down the street at Taft.
02:31:13.000 I went to Taft High School in Woodland Hills.
02:31:16.000 And then, yeah, did a couple more years there.
02:31:19.000 But it was tough to get re-acclimated.
02:31:22.000 And then, yeah, I didn't know.
02:31:24.000 I had to retrain my brain.
02:31:26.000 Like, I felt like I knew...
02:31:30.000 It was almost like I knew what they were trying to do.
02:31:33.000 I almost felt like I was being brainwashed and we were taught to self-police each other.
02:31:39.000 So it's like North Korea style.
02:31:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:31:43.000 Otherwise, you know, they would put you on a full-time and you'd have to fucking dig out a stump for three weeks.
02:31:48.000 So when you say we were forced to self-police each other, were you forced to self-police yourself or other guys?
02:31:53.000 Ourselves and others.
02:31:54.000 Yeah, you'd have to write a dirt list every week, which is basically every rule.
02:32:00.000 Here's another way the government's fucking kind of culty.
02:32:03.000 They were doing that in LA. They were asking people to find people who weren't social distancing.
02:32:08.000 Yeah, and report them and then report businesses that were operating during quarantine.
02:32:14.000 You get a reward.
02:32:14.000 Call this hotline.
02:32:16.000 Call this number.
02:32:17.000 Be a rat.
02:32:17.000 Be a bitch.
02:32:18.000 Yeah, be a bitch.
02:32:19.000 There should be a number.
02:32:21.000 1-800-BE-A-BITCH. But when they call those numbers, they should have your phone number, and then when you go to vote, they should go, oh, look.
02:32:28.000 Turns out you're a bitch.
02:32:30.000 Look what you did, stupid.
02:32:32.000 This guy was barbecuing in his backyard without a mask on.
02:32:35.000 You called the fucking feds.
02:32:37.000 You creeps.
02:32:39.000 People are so crazy.
02:32:41.000 They're so absolute and so angry.
02:32:44.000 Yeah, that's insane.
02:32:46.000 Yeah, I don't know man, and then I got out.
02:32:53.000 How do you recover?
02:32:54.000 How do you go, hey, this is all bullshit?
02:32:56.000 I think it took some time.
02:32:58.000 It took years, but I was one of the lucky ones.
02:33:02.000 I was like, you know what?
02:33:03.000 I did it.
02:33:03.000 I took the positives.
02:33:05.000 I was like, you know what?
02:33:06.000 It wasn't all bad.
02:33:07.000 I learned some tools.
02:33:09.000 And if I didn't go through that, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
02:33:13.000 And I'm not the worst fucking guy in the world.
02:33:16.000 So...
02:33:17.000 I made it out.
02:33:18.000 I survived.
02:33:19.000 Fuck it, right?
02:33:20.000 There were a lot of people that wouldn't let go.
02:33:23.000 They would just hold on.
02:33:24.000 And to this very day, they hold on so tight to this bitterness and this anger.
02:33:28.000 And they can't sleep at night.
02:33:30.000 And all they think about is what they went through.
02:33:32.000 They lost three years of their life.
02:33:34.000 I do hate that.
02:33:35.000 I do bummed out that I missed out those three years of junior high.
02:33:39.000 Not if this script gets sold.
02:33:41.000 Yeah, that's true.
02:33:42.000 Come on, man.
02:33:43.000 That's true.
02:33:44.000 That's earned character.
02:33:46.000 Exactly.
02:33:46.000 That's like, you know, we're talking about with Joey Diaz.
02:33:49.000 Like, you earned this.
02:33:50.000 I totally, not only do I not regret it, there's many, many, many days, more days than not, that I wish I could go back and do it all over again.
02:33:58.000 I swear to God.
02:33:59.000 Why?
02:34:00.000 I don't know.
02:34:01.000 There was camaraderie.
02:34:04.000 There was something about it.
02:34:10.000 I had all that other bullshit to worry about, but I didn't have to worry about a roof over my head, job, all the other bullshit that you have to worry about as an adult.
02:34:20.000 They say that about prison.
02:34:20.000 Yeah, I'm sure.
02:34:20.000 You get institutionalized.
02:34:22.000 Exactly.
02:34:22.000 I heard stories...
02:34:24.000 About people, even in the Holocaust, because you know what they, and you know what the reason, I think it's a very small percentage of people that would have wanted to go back to that.
02:34:34.000 But they said it's because they felt alive.
02:34:37.000 A lot of people said that about war in general.
02:34:40.000 During war, they feel like the stakes are so high and everything's turned up to 11. You know, I think that's what we're talking about when we're talking about the pandemic, the early days of the pandemic.
02:34:51.000 I felt like this is going to be good for people.
02:34:53.000 It's going to be a little bit of a lesson, but I'm much more cynical now.
02:34:56.000 Yes.
02:34:56.000 Because now I see that this is...
02:34:58.000 Everyone's going to survive, but they're going to be broke.
02:35:00.000 And they're going to be...
02:35:01.000 I mean, it's going to harden people's differences instead of force people to abandon a lot of the foolish stuff and concentrate on what's important, keeping our loved ones and our family alive, keeping each other alive and doing the right thing and protecting ourselves from this invasion of demons,
02:35:18.000 invisible demons that can kill your grandpa.
02:35:20.000 Yeah.
02:35:21.000 But then when we realized it wasn't that...
02:35:23.000 Then everybody sort of settled into this boredom.
02:35:26.000 Everybody settled into like watching TV all day and eating too much.
02:35:29.000 And then the shit talking on Twitter got to the point where I'm like, I don't even want to read you guys anymore.
02:35:34.000 Everyone's so angry.
02:35:36.000 There's so much anger.
02:35:39.000 And until things bounce back to a steady place, I don't think that's going to resolve itself.
02:35:44.000 Well, it's a very divisive issue, you know.
02:35:47.000 But I do hope that some of us, the wise amongst us, some of us that like to think about things are going to look at this and go, Maybe my priorities were out of whack.
02:35:59.000 Yeah.
02:35:59.000 Maybe I was working too much.
02:36:01.000 Maybe I should have just tried to enjoy life and had more adventures and just appreciated people and just more dinners with wine, you know, laughing and hugging each other and just more having fun because there's so much of...
02:36:16.000 So much of life is really horseshit.
02:36:19.000 Yep.
02:36:19.000 Really, like, it's hard to...
02:36:22.000 It's hard to recognize it when it's right in front of you and it demands your attention.
02:36:26.000 I know.
02:36:27.000 But it's not the same thing as losing your life.
02:36:30.000 And when that virus came along, like post 9-11, everybody kind of became nicer for a little bit.
02:36:36.000 Yep.
02:36:37.000 I'm hoping that more of us than not will be able to recapture that.
02:36:41.000 I hope so.
02:36:42.000 Just hold on to what...
02:36:45.000 Is actually important.
02:36:46.000 And I hope that's sooner rather than later.
02:36:48.000 I also hope that people that have been thinking about doing something, but they've been held back by this idea that you're going to play it safe, you realize there's no safe.
02:36:55.000 Yeah.
02:36:56.000 So good.
02:36:57.000 So write that book.
02:36:58.000 Start stand-up.
02:36:59.000 Make that album.
02:37:00.000 Fucking start sculpting.
02:37:02.000 Whatever the fuck you're thinking about doing, man, just go and do it.
02:37:05.000 Go and do it.
02:37:06.000 Get out there, man.
02:37:07.000 I want to kidnap a bunch of people and give them acid.
02:37:11.000 I think that's been done.
02:37:12.000 All right, sorry.
02:37:13.000 Turns out terrible.
02:37:17.000 Shit.
02:37:19.000 When are you going to do your thing with Norm again?
02:37:20.000 You going to start soon?
02:37:21.000 Yeah, we've been planning for a while now, so now we're just going to...
02:37:25.000 We just need to put all the nuts and bolts into place and then get a studio, get a camera, and just do it.
02:37:33.000 But you're going to be the first guest.
02:37:34.000 I'm in.
02:37:34.000 All right, good.
02:37:35.000 So just tell me when so I can plan ahead.
02:37:38.000 We're shooting the first one in the fall.
02:37:40.000 Oh, okay.
02:37:40.000 So you're going to plan it out.
02:37:42.000 You're going to map it out in advance.
02:37:43.000 Nice.
02:37:43.000 I can't wait.
02:37:44.000 Dude, I'm in.
02:37:46.000 Listen, I love Norm to pieces.
02:37:47.000 He's one of my all-time favorite human beings that have ever lived.
02:37:50.000 I have a great story about Norm, me and him on a plane.
02:37:55.000 Randomly.
02:37:55.000 This is crazy, but true.
02:37:56.000 Randomly.
02:37:57.000 Twice, I sat next to him on planes.
02:37:59.000 Just randomly.
02:38:00.000 Oh, wow.
02:38:00.000 Yeah, totally randomly.
02:38:01.000 Like, what's up, Norm?
02:38:02.000 What's up, Norm?
02:38:03.000 Like, crazy.
02:38:04.000 This is happening again?
02:38:05.000 And both times, it was a blast.
02:38:06.000 But one time, we're flying back, and he's like, yeah, I used to smoke.
02:38:11.000 And I had to give it up.
02:38:12.000 It's fucking terrible for you.
02:38:14.000 Sometimes I miss it, but glad I quit.
02:38:17.000 I'm like, how long has it been?
02:38:18.000 He's telling me all these months.
02:38:19.000 He stopped smoking, this and that.
02:38:21.000 We're talking.
02:38:21.000 As soon as he lands, he walks right into the fucking store, buys a carton of cigarettes, and he's opening this cigarette.
02:38:27.000 He's lighting it before he gets out the door.
02:38:30.000 And I go, what are you doing?
02:38:31.000 He goes, oh, that talk about smoking.
02:38:32.000 I had to have one.
02:38:38.000 And the flight from, I forget where we even were.
02:38:41.000 Two times.
02:38:42.000 Both times were just like the best flights.
02:38:45.000 Just like having an audience of one next to one of the greatest comics ever and just be able to talk shit.
02:38:50.000 Yeah, he's probably, you know, he's probably like in my top three favorite stand-up comics of all time.
02:38:56.000 And great guy.
02:38:57.000 He's a great guy.
02:38:59.000 The two greatest people in my life in comedy have been Norm and Spade.
02:39:04.000 They've just been so good to me, and I love them both, and they're both equally hilarious in different ways.
02:39:08.000 But Norm, I'll never forget how quick he was and good he was at hosting that podcast.
02:39:14.000 We had Larry King on one time, and Larry was like, Norm, I don't think they're going to give you a show.
02:39:20.000 Because he was just fucking outlandish, saying the most crazy fucking shit to Larry King.
02:39:26.000 And Larry's like, you know what, Norm?
02:39:27.000 He's like 50 years in the radio business.
02:39:29.000 The one thing I learned is I rarely talk.
02:39:32.000 I always listen.
02:39:34.000 That's why I always learn from the guests because I'm always listening.
02:39:37.000 And Norm goes, can I interrupt you there?
02:39:44.000 So I can't wait to come back with this podcast.
02:39:48.000 Norm is the hidden king of the internet.
02:39:50.000 If he decided to have a podcast, it would be the biggest podcast of all time.
02:39:54.000 If he just did it on a regular basis.
02:39:56.000 I know.
02:39:56.000 We just need to get motivated.
02:39:58.000 He's buck wild, dude.
02:39:59.000 He is.
02:39:59.000 And he's always been.
02:40:01.000 Always.
02:40:01.000 There's whatever the filter, it doesn't even screw in his head.
02:40:05.000 No.
02:40:05.000 There's no filter.
02:40:06.000 There was never a place for it.
02:40:08.000 He's with Charles Manson a comedy.
02:40:10.000 No, he loves Manson.
02:40:12.000 Does he really?
02:40:13.000 Yeah, we'll definitely get O'Neal on.
02:40:15.000 No way!
02:40:15.000 He's a Manson fiend?
02:40:17.000 Huge.
02:40:17.000 How much does he know about the case?
02:40:18.000 I think he knows.
02:40:19.000 I'm sure he's read the book several times.
02:40:21.000 You think he's read that book?
02:40:22.000 That chaos book?
02:40:22.000 Okay.
02:40:23.000 Yeah, good.
02:40:23.000 I need to talk to him about it.
02:40:24.000 Yeah, you have to.
02:40:25.000 Well, listen, brother.
02:40:27.000 Dude, I can't thank you enough.
02:40:28.000 Always good to see you.
02:40:28.000 Always good to see you.
02:40:29.000 But we gotta do this in the VIP bar.
02:40:31.000 Yes.
02:40:32.000 Next time I see you, I hope we're at the Comedy Store and the shows.
02:40:35.000 Tell everybody your Instagram so they can tell you.
02:40:37.000 Oh, at AdamEbay.
02:40:38.000 Send me a lot of dick pics.
02:40:39.000 Yes, send me all the dick pics.
02:40:41.000 At AdamEbay.
02:40:42.000 On Twitter and Instagram?
02:40:44.000 Or just Instagram?
02:40:45.000 Twitter, at AdamEgott.
02:40:47.000 Instagram, at AdamEbay.
02:40:49.000 All right, brother.
02:40:50.000 Thank you.
02:40:50.000 That was fun.
02:40:51.000 God bless you.
02:40:51.000 Thank you so much.
02:40:52.000 Thank you.
02:40:52.000 Praise Odin to you all.
02:40:53.000 Yes.
02:40:53.000 Bye.
02:40:54.000 Hail Bob.
02:40:55.000 Dude, thank you so much.
02:40:57.000 I was fucking terrified.
02:40:58.000 I hope I didn't...