The Joe Rogan Experience - July 14, 2020


Joe Rogan Experience #1507 - Bob Saget


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 33 minutes

Words per Minute

189.23627

Word Count

28,991

Sentence Count

3,238

Misogynist Sentences

52

Hate Speech Sentences

46


Summary

In this episode, the boys talk about a variety of topics, including the death of Corona, World War 3, and the end of the world as we know it. They also talk about some of the weirdest things going on in the world today, and how the internet has changed the way we see the world and how we see each other. Also, they talk about the new Star Wars movie and how it's going to affect the future of the NFL and the current state of the NBA. And of course, they answer your burning questions. We hope you enjoy, sit down, and have a nice rest of the day. Cheers, and Happy New Year! -The Guys Who Know Best Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Art: Mackenzie Moore. Editor: Steven Kanter. Cover art by Ian Dorsch. Thank you for the use of our theme song from Fugue, and our ad music from the album "Goodbye" by The Weakerthans. Our ad music is by Fugue. Please rate, review, review and subscribe to our podcast, and tell us what you think of our music, and we'll be sure to send us your thoughts of the music we should use it in the next episode! We'll be looking out for you in the mailbag! next week! Thanks again for all the love and support us on social media! <3 -Maggie, Jack, Jack and Jack, - Jack, Matt, and the crew at the boys at . Jack & the boys @ & the guys at , and the rest at @ . . Thanks for listening to the podcast. Jack and the boys. -the boys at Goodfellas, Jack ( ) Love ya, Jack (and the boys (and , Jack, Jake, and , and Thank You, & Jake, and Jack ( ) and Matt, and Jack at ( ) . & Jack at the Goodfellos . Thank you, Jack is a big thank you so much love, Jack & Jack, and all of the rest of your support is so much more. and thanks for all your support.


Transcript

00:00:02.000 Yeehaw, Bob Saget.
00:00:03.000 How are you, buddy?
00:00:04.000 I am actually excited to be.
00:00:07.000 I'm excited to be anywhere, but I'm especially excited to be talking to you.
00:00:09.000 I'm excited to be talking to you, too.
00:00:11.000 Thank you.
00:00:11.000 And we tested you.
00:00:12.000 You're clean, buddy.
00:00:13.000 I am.
00:00:14.000 You're free and clear of the virus.
00:00:16.000 I usually have, like, Trump had someone take his SAT. I usually have someone take my COVID test for me.
00:00:22.000 Did Trump have someone take his SDT? Is that true?
00:00:24.000 Yeah, it's true.
00:00:25.000 Apparently, but I don't know what's true.
00:00:27.000 Right.
00:00:27.000 What the hell is true anymore?
00:00:29.000 Well, anything before the internet is hard, and even during the internet, it's hard because they splice things up and edit stuff.
00:00:35.000 Oh, it's all soundbites.
00:00:36.000 You could hate anybody or love anybody.
00:00:40.000 I know.
00:00:40.000 You know what's weird, man, is the deep fake stuff.
00:00:45.000 How long do we have before you don't know what you're seeing?
00:00:49.000 How long do we have before we see a world leader declaring war on us and we don't know if it's real?
00:00:57.000 Yeah, correct.
00:00:58.000 How long?
00:00:59.000 I'd say now.
00:01:00.000 I mean, somebody could do it right now.
00:01:02.000 I mean, I don't know, because North Korea could fire a missile and it wouldn't go anywhere, I don't think.
00:01:07.000 I like how they introduced new players.
00:01:09.000 Like, now you have to be worried about the sister.
00:01:11.000 Right.
00:01:12.000 Have you noticed that?
00:01:12.000 Like, the evil sister.
00:01:13.000 And she's thin, so you probably think she's mean.
00:01:15.000 She will be.
00:01:16.000 She's going to be very mad.
00:01:17.000 Oh, yeah.
00:01:18.000 She'll be a Karen.
00:01:19.000 A Karen.
00:01:20.000 Imagine if your fucking kid's named Karen.
00:01:22.000 What a bummer that must be.
00:01:24.000 If you're a nice person named Karen, and then Karen...
00:01:26.000 Well, it's like Corona beer.
00:01:28.000 I mean, I can't believe they had to stop that.
00:01:30.000 That makes me sad.
00:01:31.000 What do you mean?
00:01:31.000 They stopped the name?
00:01:32.000 That's what I'm told.
00:01:33.000 They stopped making it.
00:01:34.000 Now, I don't know if that's true.
00:01:35.000 That's the source I heard, but...
00:01:36.000 I still enjoy a Corona.
00:01:37.000 I'm not a fucking child.
00:01:38.000 I like Corona light.
00:01:40.000 But what am I going to do?
00:01:41.000 And then AIDS candy, that was a smart move.
00:01:44.000 You had to stop that diet candy.
00:01:46.000 Yeah, it makes you lose weight.
00:01:48.000 It's ironically sad.
00:01:50.000 Most people don't even know what we're talking about.
00:01:51.000 It's A-Y-D-S, right?
00:01:53.000 Correct.
00:01:53.000 That's what it's called?
00:01:54.000 Correct.
00:01:54.000 It was a diet candy, like a chocolate.
00:01:57.000 Yeah.
00:01:57.000 That you would eat.
00:01:58.000 I never took it.
00:01:59.000 I mean, it's like the X-Lax for dieting.
00:02:01.000 Oh, is it like a...
00:02:02.000 Well, X-Lax actually helps you diet also.
00:02:04.000 But all it does is just get rid of the food that's in your body.
00:02:07.000 It's not healthy.
00:02:08.000 No.
00:02:09.000 No, I was somewhere once that I was on a modium because I was having a rough day.
00:02:13.000 I don't know what happened.
00:02:14.000 That's another diuretic, right?
00:02:16.000 It's constipator.
00:02:17.000 Yeah.
00:02:17.000 I mean, it solidifies.
00:02:20.000 Appetite suppressant candy.
00:02:21.000 Oh, so it's an appetite suppressant.
00:02:22.000 So it's not a...
00:02:23.000 No.
00:02:24.000 What is ex-lax?
00:02:25.000 Ex-lax makes you...
00:02:26.000 Yeah, it's a laxative.
00:02:27.000 It makes you shit diarrhea.
00:02:29.000 Explosive.
00:02:30.000 Explosively, if you eat the whole box.
00:02:32.000 You could shit yourself to death.
00:02:33.000 You could OD on it.
00:02:34.000 What is barf?
00:02:35.000 What is barf?
00:02:36.000 It's detergent, it said.
00:02:38.000 That's funny.
00:02:39.000 Barfs are detergent?
00:02:40.000 Is that real?
00:02:41.000 They didn't discontinue it because people vomit.
00:02:44.000 Did they find out they really did discontinue Corona beer?
00:02:47.000 That sounds so ridiculous.
00:02:48.000 That's what I heard from somebody.
00:02:50.000 It's a classic.
00:02:50.000 There was also a candy called Anal Warts that they decided to take off the market.
00:02:54.000 Oh.
00:02:55.000 You know, that's the kind of shit that I... Why do I do it?
00:02:58.000 You never went there.
00:03:00.000 You couldn't help yourself.
00:03:01.000 You know what it is?
00:03:02.000 All those years of full house.
00:03:05.000 Production of Corona beer halted.
00:03:12.000 See?
00:03:14.000 And I don't understand why it had to be.
00:03:16.000 Because they're fools.
00:03:18.000 They're just chicken shit.
00:03:20.000 I think so.
00:03:20.000 That doesn't make any sense.
00:03:21.000 Nobody gives a fuck.
00:03:22.000 It doesn't even correlate.
00:03:24.000 It doesn't correlate to me.
00:03:25.000 No, it doesn't.
00:03:26.000 It's not called COVID, by the way.
00:03:28.000 Right.
00:03:29.000 And coronaviruses occur every single year.
00:03:32.000 And now we can't see those ads of cool looking people gorgeously shot at the beach with the lime and the beers right there.
00:03:38.000 Mark Norman had a funny bit about that.
00:03:40.000 He put it on Instagram.
00:03:42.000 It's almost like they already knew.
00:03:43.000 Because they're always someone alone.
00:03:46.000 Yeah.
00:03:46.000 One person in an ice bucket with four beers.
00:03:49.000 Or two people.
00:03:50.000 I don't think it was because of the name Corona.
00:03:53.000 I think it was just because of the lockdown period when people couldn't be at work.
00:03:57.000 Bro, somebody sent me something about Mexico.
00:03:59.000 Holy shit.
00:04:00.000 I had no idea there were that many deaths every day in Mexico.
00:04:03.000 There are so many murders right now in Mexico.
00:04:06.000 Holy fuck.
00:04:07.000 It's crazy.
00:04:07.000 This is a bad week for murder.
00:04:10.000 Yeah, well, it's real bad for Mexico.
00:04:12.000 Mexico, but all over the states, too.
00:04:15.000 It's been like...
00:04:16.000 Crazy in New York City.
00:04:17.000 Well, they told cops that, first of all, cops are retiring left and right in New York, and then they told them they can't restrain people by putting weight on them.
00:04:28.000 They can't put a knee on their back or their neck or any other place, and they can't administer chokeholds.
00:04:34.000 And there's all these jujitsu guys who train cops that are, like Henner Gracie put a video on his Instagram page.
00:04:41.000 He works a lot with cops, Jamie, Henner Gracie, and explaining why this is a terrible idea.
00:04:47.000 Like, you can't control someone any other way, unless you use violence, unless you hit them with things, or you tase them.
00:04:54.000 There used to be the old nut squeeze.
00:04:56.000 Is that effective?
00:04:57.000 Back in the day.
00:04:58.000 Well, you can meet somebody.
00:05:00.000 Yeah, so he's a warning to Mayor de Blasio.
00:05:02.000 But de Blasio is a fool, man.
00:05:05.000 He's a foolish person.
00:05:08.000 Well, we have to have order, but we also have to have peace.
00:05:12.000 I don't know how...
00:05:14.000 We are so fucked up right now.
00:05:17.000 So fucked up.
00:05:18.000 It got so far gone in so many of these precincts and so many of these...
00:05:22.000 Look at this one guy who literally does not know how to grapple, and this cop tries to take him down and...
00:05:31.000 Well, do you think there's adrenaline and Adderall in a person that is that?
00:05:35.000 I think that cop didn't know what the fuck he was doing.
00:05:37.000 This is the thing.
00:05:38.000 These cops don't...
00:05:39.000 They should all be...
00:05:40.000 You know, Andrew Yang said it best.
00:05:43.000 He said every cop should be like a purple belt in jujitsu.
00:05:46.000 He's right.
00:05:47.000 Everyone should know...
00:05:48.000 Or judo or something.
00:05:49.000 They should know how to wrestle, how to defend themselves.
00:05:52.000 And a lot of cops don't know anything.
00:05:54.000 They literally don't know how to defend themselves.
00:05:56.000 So then they're left with weapons.
00:05:58.000 There should also be a psychological training as well.
00:06:01.000 I understood.
00:06:02.000 I heard someone speak.
00:06:03.000 I believe it was...
00:06:05.000 Who's our Carl Sagan?
00:06:07.000 Neil deGrasse Tyson?
00:06:09.000 Lovely guy.
00:06:11.000 Is that what you're talking about?
00:06:12.000 Neil deGrasse Tyson?
00:06:13.000 Yes, thank you.
00:06:14.000 Sorry, I didn't hear the first part.
00:06:15.000 I'm going deaf slowly.
00:06:16.000 Are you?
00:06:17.000 I don't have corona, but the left ear's out.
00:06:19.000 Really?
00:06:19.000 No.
00:06:20.000 I took a DayQuil.
00:06:21.000 Did you...
00:06:22.000 Ever play in a rock band or anything?
00:06:23.000 I have.
00:06:24.000 Really?
00:06:25.000 Well, I can beat.
00:06:27.000 I play guitar.
00:06:28.000 I play guitar.
00:06:29.000 Stamos plays the drums.
00:06:30.000 Yeah, true.
00:06:30.000 You guys get together?
00:06:31.000 We do.
00:06:32.000 Really?
00:06:32.000 He has a band room.
00:06:33.000 We haven't done it in a while because we can't right now.
00:06:36.000 Yeah, you can.
00:06:37.000 Just get tested.
00:06:38.000 Well, you're not going to get Mike Love from the Beach Boys to take COVID, I don't think.
00:06:42.000 No, you won't do it?
00:06:43.000 I love that you gave me one.
00:06:45.000 Not you personally, but I love that I had one just now.
00:06:48.000 Well, I think it's important for everybody to know because you can mindfuck yourself and think you have it.
00:06:53.000 I've mindfucked myself a bunch of times like, am I short of breath?
00:06:56.000 We've all done it.
00:06:57.000 We do it at night.
00:06:58.000 It's a panic attack.
00:06:59.000 And it could be just, I get allergies.
00:07:02.000 And I've also had walking pneumonia because when I'm on the road over the years, you just are on planes or international stuff, and you go, you're heavy breathing.
00:07:09.000 And then I find out, oh, I just did 10 dates in a row.
00:07:12.000 Then I come back and my doctor says, Bob, you have pneumonia.
00:07:14.000 Yeah.
00:07:15.000 Road funk.
00:07:16.000 Right.
00:07:16.000 Yeah.
00:07:17.000 And you don't know what the fuck's coming out of the vents on the planes.
00:07:20.000 Well, it's just being next to people that are farting in your face, too.
00:07:23.000 How about that?
00:07:23.000 Literally.
00:07:23.000 Yeah, literally.
00:07:24.000 Actual shit spray.
00:07:25.000 They freckle you.
00:07:27.000 They walk by when they go to the bathroom.
00:07:29.000 And people don't know what freckling is.
00:07:30.000 I'm not telling you.
00:07:31.000 Yeah.
00:07:32.000 There's a product called Freckled, and they're taking it off the market.
00:07:35.000 I wonder if people are going to go back to no masks in public.
00:07:38.000 I think there's going to be a certain number of people that are just going to keep wearing masks.
00:07:41.000 I think you're right.
00:07:43.000 And when I was in Japan, I didn't understand the mask theory, which was not about...
00:07:50.000 I don't think it was about a contagion type thing.
00:07:52.000 It was about cleanliness.
00:07:53.000 It was about the air quality.
00:07:55.000 I think it's also about being polite.
00:07:57.000 The Japanese culture, if you have sniffles or something like that, you don't want to give it to someone else.
00:08:02.000 They're more thoughtful and considerate.
00:08:04.000 Now that is what we're lacking here.
00:08:06.000 The people that are yelling, I'm not wearing a mask, you're taking away my rights.
00:08:10.000 Did you see that lady in Florida?
00:08:12.000 Yeah.
00:08:12.000 She's giving away a hundred free meals to the people that don't wear masks.
00:08:16.000 Yep.
00:08:17.000 Florida has the fourth number of coronavirus cases on earth.
00:08:22.000 If Florida was a country, it would have the fourth on earth.
00:08:26.000 Yes.
00:08:27.000 Well, they opened it up to prove their point that their Petri dish was impenetrable.
00:08:33.000 Well, they opened it up to Disney World.
00:08:34.000 They did.
00:08:35.000 They opened Disney World.
00:08:36.000 And people love the idea of not waiting in line, so they're willing to die.
00:08:41.000 Get any video of Disney World opening day.
00:08:44.000 I saw this going around on Saturday that there were some influencers that went, because there's a lot of people on YouTube that just go to Disney parks all the time.
00:08:50.000 And they were saying they felt sick, and they just went the next day.
00:08:55.000 And they're like, oh, this is fun, but all of our throats hurt real bad.
00:08:58.000 Oh, my God.
00:08:59.000 I think they all have it.
00:09:00.000 Unless they're faking.
00:09:02.000 They're probably.
00:09:02.000 Well, there's a lot of...
00:09:03.000 And then there's Splash Mountain.
00:09:06.000 I mean, there's things that there's no way droplets don't come out of you and go into the mouth of the person behind.
00:09:11.000 Do you ever see the movie Outbreak years ago with Dustin Hoffman?
00:09:14.000 So there's an amazing shot in the movie.
00:09:16.000 It's a point of view of a phlegm ball.
00:09:18.000 And it literally follows phlegm.
00:09:20.000 A guy laughs.
00:09:21.000 It's a comedy, of course.
00:09:23.000 Laughs.
00:09:23.000 A piece of phlegm comes out of his mouth.
00:09:25.000 They follow point of view.
00:09:26.000 They do CGI, or beginnings of it.
00:09:28.000 And it goes into another person's mouth.
00:09:31.000 And that's how, in a contagion way, that they represented how this thing can travel.
00:09:37.000 And I Wear a Mask was funny when you had Bill Burr on here, who's a mutual friend.
00:09:42.000 People do not understand that I was goading Bill into going on a rant.
00:09:47.000 I was fucking with him.
00:09:48.000 People wrote it out like I really don't wear it.
00:09:50.000 I have a mask in my fucking pocket.
00:09:52.000 I wear one every day.
00:09:54.000 It's funny because everything's out of context.
00:09:57.000 Everything's serious.
00:09:59.000 That's what I'm trying so hard because I'm a newbie at this.
00:10:04.000 I'm on my 33rd episode.
00:10:06.000 You're on the Hebrew calendar.
00:10:07.000 You're 5,748 episodes.
00:10:10.000 You're 10 years of doing something that revolutionized this, okay?
00:10:15.000 So I just started it It was before COVID. I started it because I was doing shows and I'd be in a theater and people would be yelling at each other.
00:10:26.000 And I would go, guys, what are you doing?
00:10:28.000 Or I'd have a bit about prejudice when I was six years old, when there was profiling, when there was segregated bathrooms.
00:10:35.000 And I started talking about it and people would get angry.
00:10:38.000 At you?
00:10:39.000 At the world.
00:10:41.000 One guy yelled, the South will rise again.
00:10:44.000 This is pre-COVID? Pre-COVID. The guy yelled out, the South will rise again.
00:10:48.000 My response was, sir, we're in Boston.
00:10:51.000 I was at the Wilbur.
00:10:52.000 He was serious?
00:10:53.000 He was 100% serious.
00:10:55.000 And then they went to tag him, and I said, no, leave him be.
00:10:58.000 Unless someone continues, I deal with it.
00:11:01.000 We deal with it.
00:11:02.000 The South will rise again.
00:11:03.000 In fucking Boston.
00:11:05.000 They've had a long downtime.
00:11:07.000 You know, I mean, you lost in 1865, you're going to rise again?
00:11:11.000 The other thing is, they're pulling down statues, right?
00:11:15.000 So the statues are like, they're like chocolate Easter eggs, Easter bunnies, the ones that are hollow.
00:11:21.000 So if a statue to me is less than an inch thick of the lining around it and it's hollow inside, I think an inch, it could maybe stay up if it's heavy enough.
00:11:33.000 But if...
00:11:34.000 Ten guys could pull it down with a rope and it's made of aluminum?
00:11:37.000 That's got to come down.
00:11:38.000 That's like a jiffy pop.
00:11:40.000 Here's the thing about these statues.
00:11:42.000 This is one thing that people need to understand.
00:11:44.000 I'm only laughing about it, by the way, because I'm trying to find humor in what's so...
00:11:50.000 Chaos.
00:11:50.000 It's chaos.
00:11:51.000 The dismantling of history.
00:11:53.000 Correct.
00:11:53.000 Some of it should be dismantled.
00:11:55.000 Some of those statues should go.
00:11:58.000 They really shouldn't be there, but they should take them and bring them to some sort of a civil war museum or something like that.
00:12:03.000 But a lot of those statues...
00:12:05.000 Look, there's Genghis Khan museums, right?
00:12:08.000 There's museum pieces on Genghis Khan.
00:12:10.000 He killed 10% of the world's population while he was alive.
00:12:13.000 There's something about those statues, though, that a lot of people don't realize.
00:12:16.000 They were really cheaply made and put up very quickly in response to the civil rights movement.
00:12:22.000 This is what people don't understand.
00:12:24.000 Those aren't like these long-standing homages to these great generals.
00:12:29.000 No, they were in response to the Civil Rights Movement, so they started putting up these Confederate statues.
00:12:35.000 That's why they're made like shit.
00:12:37.000 They're made really quickly.
00:12:39.000 They're shit.
00:12:39.000 Tin foil.
00:12:39.000 They're garbage.
00:12:40.000 We could make them.
00:12:41.000 I bet we could.
00:12:42.000 Pie pans.
00:12:42.000 Yeah, we could.
00:12:43.000 But then you go to Grant, you go to see Grant's tomb or Grant's statue.
00:12:48.000 I mean, it's made of molten lava.
00:12:50.000 Well, they probably want to take his thing down, too.
00:12:53.000 They want to take everything down.
00:12:54.000 Trump said something and everybody thought he was joking.
00:12:57.000 Like, what's next?
00:12:57.000 They're going to take down Lincoln?
00:12:58.000 They're going to take down George Washington?
00:13:00.000 And everybody's like, get the fuck out of here.
00:13:02.000 They're not going to do that.
00:13:03.000 But they are doing that.
00:13:04.000 They are trying to take down George Washington's statues.
00:13:06.000 And people are saying you should get rid of George Washington's statues.
00:13:09.000 Because George Washington owned slaves.
00:13:11.000 And George Washington was a white supremacist.
00:13:13.000 He didn't want to own slaves.
00:13:15.000 He wanted to abolish it from what I've read and from what I understand.
00:13:19.000 It would be so hard to know.
00:13:20.000 It would be so hard to know other than what he wrote and, you know, unless you have a fucking time machine.
00:13:26.000 It would be so hard.
00:13:27.000 You're right.
00:13:27.000 We don't even know what history is right now.
00:13:29.000 Yeah, right.
00:13:30.000 We're being fed.
00:13:31.000 I try to watch all news things or none.
00:13:34.000 I try to watch every single channel because I want to see where the world's at.
00:13:37.000 Well, I think that's the worst way to get news is off television.
00:13:41.000 I think you get so much nonsense and so much posturing and virtue signaling and so much bias.
00:13:48.000 Like, when I watched CNN, I was watching CNN when they were correcting Trump on these things that he says, and it wasn't even news.
00:13:55.000 It was like this weird opinion piece that was on— It's tabloid.
00:14:00.000 Yeah, it is.
00:14:00.000 It's all tabloid.
00:14:01.000 Fox's tabloid— All MSNBC. There's jewels in all of it, though.
00:14:08.000 There's reality in all of it, because you'll get just the right broadcaster, an actual broadcaster and news journalist.
00:14:15.000 You'll get a couple of people that are that on every one of those networks.
00:14:20.000 And then you'll get a guest that feeds the beast.
00:14:23.000 It's become like South Park.
00:14:25.000 And it's going to be offensive to some people, what I'm going to say.
00:14:28.000 It'll be like, we have here the President of the United States, and it's a split screen, and also a midget.
00:14:35.000 And then they'll have, because everyone has a voice.
00:14:37.000 And that's an offensive word, by the way.
00:14:40.000 Midget?
00:14:41.000 President of the United States.
00:14:43.000 He's a comedian, folks.
00:14:46.000 Please don't hit the button.
00:14:48.000 But that's what they would do.
00:14:49.000 Or a man in a hoop skirt.
00:14:51.000 They would do that on South Park constantly.
00:14:54.000 And we've kind of become that.
00:14:56.000 Here's a person that has 10 million people looking at them on whatever site you look at.
00:15:02.000 And then someone who has 5,000 people who has a YouTube page that people go to.
00:15:08.000 But it's just to start.
00:15:10.000 Everybody goes to the news source they want that validates what their opinion is.
00:15:15.000 Or to get angry.
00:15:16.000 My tune in to Fox News just to get angry.
00:15:18.000 Or tune into CNN to get angry if you're on the other side.
00:15:21.000 It's a weird time, man.
00:15:23.000 But it's got to come together.
00:15:25.000 I know that's what you try to do that.
00:15:27.000 I know that that's what...
00:15:28.000 I mean, stand-up is the root of that in a way.
00:15:32.000 Yeah, because you can make fun of ideas that maybe even someone agrees with the idea, but if you mock that idea and it's so funny it gets them to laugh, they have to think about it.
00:15:43.000 How beautiful is that?
00:15:45.000 To be able to do that, and how bad do you want to do it right now?
00:15:49.000 Oh yeah, I'd love to do it right now.
00:15:51.000 I need to do it.
00:15:52.000 I had this bit about Trump, and I had this guy come up to me, he goes, I'll tell you why that joke's good.
00:15:57.000 He goes, I fucking love Trump, and that joke was hilarious.
00:16:01.000 When you can make fun of something that someone loves, and they still think it's funny, then they have to think.
00:16:09.000 There's a skill to that.
00:16:10.000 I try to do that.
00:16:12.000 It's impossible to come up with something that pleases every side and every perspective, but I'm trying.
00:16:18.000 But that's why I end up talking about my dick so much.
00:16:21.000 Because it does lean left.
00:16:23.000 And it's a pleaser.
00:16:24.000 It is a pleaser.
00:16:29.000 I might have to say that again sometime.
00:16:31.000 It's a pleaser.
00:16:32.000 It is.
00:16:33.000 You should sell t-shirts on your website.
00:16:34.000 It's a pleaser.
00:16:36.000 You just got me some merch ideas.
00:16:38.000 That's a good merch idea right there.
00:16:39.000 Yeah, it's impossible to make everybody happy.
00:16:43.000 Here's one thing.
00:16:44.000 Everybody doesn't want to be happy.
00:16:46.000 There's a lot of people that they love being miserable.
00:16:49.000 They like being angry.
00:16:50.000 It's easier to be angry than it is to dig out and wake up positive and go, I'm going to try to write some things today.
00:16:57.000 Not write, I mean, R-I-G-H-T. Make things better in the world by putting out my energy, by trying to...
00:17:05.000 If there could just be a fucking discourse...
00:17:08.000 Yeah.
00:17:09.000 It's just, there's also a problem...
00:17:11.000 With people that don't agree.
00:17:12.000 But there's also a problem that we have timelines.
00:17:15.000 Like, we have a deadline.
00:17:16.000 We have a deadline.
00:17:16.000 Our deadline's November, or the world's gonna fall apart.
00:17:19.000 We gotta get rid of this motherfucker by November, and everybody's clamoring and trying to figure out how to do it, and pretending Joe Biden's brain isn't melting, and everyone's running around trying to put together some sort of a...
00:17:28.000 Well, actually, they got a mic stand, duct tape, and a pipe cleaner.
00:17:31.000 He's gonna be fine.
00:17:32.000 He's gonna be...
00:17:33.000 They're gonna weekend at Bernie's, him, all the way to the fucking cabinet.
00:17:36.000 He's been doing some good, putting out some stuff that's pretty...
00:17:39.000 Where?
00:17:40.000 Online.
00:17:41.000 He's been giving some...
00:17:42.000 Tweeting?
00:17:42.000 No, some videos, speeches, things that are a little bit more promising than some of the other...
00:17:47.000 Again, deep fakes.
00:17:48.000 That's not even him.
00:17:49.000 That's CGI. Is there a guy who does a good Biden impression?
00:17:52.000 I have not heard a good Biden...
00:17:54.000 If we were doing stand-up, there would be a guy who would have...
00:17:58.000 There would be some comic out there.
00:17:59.000 I would think Dana Carvey would be able to do it.
00:18:01.000 He could do anything.
00:18:02.000 Have you had him here?
00:18:03.000 No, I'd love to, though.
00:18:04.000 I love him.
00:18:05.000 I love him so much.
00:18:06.000 He is one of the purest, sweetest people I've ever known.
00:18:12.000 His character of Lorne Michaels was the original Dr. Evil, right?
00:18:17.000 Yes.
00:18:17.000 And Mike Myers sort of?
00:18:18.000 Mike Myers, and they hung out, and it would always be the pinky in the mouth.
00:18:23.000 Yeah.
00:18:25.000 Dana is an original.
00:18:27.000 He's brilliant.
00:18:29.000 Yeah, he's brilliant.
00:18:29.000 We would sit around back when you were, I think you were six, but we would go to Fab's, this Italian restaurant on Van Nuys, and we would be with our wives.
00:18:41.000 He stayed with his wife.
00:18:43.000 My wife and I got divorced, but I have a new wife.
00:18:46.000 Congratulations.
00:18:46.000 Thank you.
00:18:47.000 Van Nuys used to be a hot spot.
00:18:49.000 I was looking at this video.
00:18:50.000 I think it was the LA Times had a photographic essay of Van Nuys Boulevard in the 70s.
00:18:59.000 And it was amazing.
00:19:00.000 It was all these people with bell bottoms and these cool cars.
00:19:03.000 And they used to, on Saturday nights, drive their cars up and down the road.
00:19:07.000 It was fun.
00:19:08.000 Yeah, but it was like a place where people would go to cruise.
00:19:13.000 Yeah.
00:19:13.000 It was boogie nights without the heroin and people getting harmed.
00:19:18.000 Giant prosthetic.
00:19:21.000 Marky Mark prosthetic dicks.
00:19:23.000 So we would sit there and it was right before he got Saturday Night Live.
00:19:26.000 What year was this?
00:19:28.000 86. It was one year before he got that and before I... I had been in a Richard Pryor movie that was the first thing of consequence.
00:19:37.000 What movie was that?
00:19:38.000 Critical Condition.
00:19:39.000 You got to work with Pryor.
00:19:40.000 I got to spend a month with him.
00:19:42.000 And I got to hang out with him because I was one of the hosts at the store for eight years.
00:19:46.000 And you got to work with Pryor when Pryor was Pryor.
00:19:48.000 Well, it was after the fire.
00:19:50.000 But it was still.
00:19:51.000 It was 100% Pryor.
00:19:52.000 Live on the Sunset's trip was after the fire.
00:19:54.000 It was after the fire.
00:19:55.000 That was his best.
00:19:55.000 He did Jojo Dancer.
00:19:57.000 Ah.
00:19:58.000 And Critical Condition was directed by Michael Apt, a great director who did Coal Miner's Daughter, made a lot of important movies.
00:20:05.000 Did the 7 Up series.
00:20:06.000 Do you ever see that?
00:20:07.000 7 Up, 14 Up, 21 Up.
00:20:08.000 Took seven people through their lives from London and followed them every seven years, did a documentary about them.
00:20:16.000 Oh, wow.
00:20:16.000 It's just a real special, brilliant, lovely man.
00:20:19.000 He was head of the Academy for a while.
00:20:22.000 Anyway, so what happened was...
00:20:23.000 But working with Pryor, we were...
00:20:27.000 When you're doing a movie, we were in a shower stall in an old hospital and it was supposed to be Rikers Island or whatever the hell that prison is up there.
00:20:37.000 Is it Rikers?
00:20:38.000 Which one?
00:20:39.000 In New York.
00:20:41.000 I think that's Rikers, right?
00:20:44.000 Yeah.
00:20:45.000 I think that's what it was.
00:20:46.000 It was representing that.
00:20:47.000 But we shot it in High Point, North Carolina with really good actors.
00:20:49.000 Joe Mantegna and Ruben Blades and all these Randall Tex Cobbs.
00:20:54.000 Some really cool.
00:20:54.000 No shit!
00:20:55.000 Cool, weird, eclectic group.
00:20:58.000 I just watched him the other day in Raising Arizona.
00:21:01.000 He's a great actor.
00:21:02.000 That's great, man.
00:21:03.000 That movie was wild.
00:21:05.000 That's one of the best.
00:21:07.000 That low point of view shot in the supermarket.
00:21:10.000 Images in a lot of Coen Brothers movies.
00:21:13.000 They're the best.
00:21:15.000 Come on, man.
00:21:15.000 That's fucking shit.
00:21:16.000 Big Lebowski?
00:21:17.000 Big Lebowski is...
00:21:19.000 My wife, every day, it's like, let's just watch the Big Lebowski.
00:21:23.000 It's fucking classic, man.
00:21:25.000 It's the dude floating in space, man.
00:21:27.000 Sorry, I was interrupting you.
00:21:28.000 Nah.
00:21:28.000 So you're working...
00:21:28.000 Well, that's what I do.
00:21:29.000 With Pryor.
00:21:30.000 So we're in a shower stall and we became friends.
00:21:36.000 We would go to dinner.
00:21:38.000 I was the guy.
00:21:39.000 I'm always wanting to make things better somehow.
00:21:42.000 I was raised that way by my dad and my mom to try to make peace for people.
00:21:46.000 That's the thing.
00:21:48.000 And he liked that I would invite him because people didn't invite him to shit because he was kind of unapproachable to some people.
00:21:54.000 Oh, right.
00:21:55.000 So we would go to dinner, and we would laugh, and I would make him laugh.
00:21:58.000 We had to do one scene, 40 takes, one shot that was a long Steadicam shot.
00:22:03.000 It had a dead body in it that was covered in water.
00:22:06.000 And I was supposed to say something like, oh, the guy was in the drink.
00:22:08.000 We found it.
00:22:09.000 But it was such a fake-looking body.
00:22:11.000 And every time I said this serious line, it was this young doctor, Richard just cracked up.
00:22:16.000 And so he's looking in my face, and there's no bigger honor.
00:22:19.000 Look at you.
00:22:20.000 Look at you, baby-faced motherfucker.
00:22:22.000 Fuck, man.
00:22:22.000 How old were you then?
00:22:25.000 26, 27. Wow.
00:22:29.000 That was a good scene.
00:22:31.000 That's Ruben.
00:22:32.000 Wow.
00:22:33.000 I remember all of this.
00:22:36.000 The fact that he couldn't look in my face and kept laughing and it was a serious scene, do you know what an honor that is?
00:22:44.000 Oh man, that's amazing.
00:22:44.000 So the guy that was an idol.
00:22:46.000 So I'm sitting in the shower with him and he shows me this thing.
00:22:50.000 This is graphic.
00:22:52.000 He shows me this scrubbing brush.
00:22:54.000 And one side's soft and the other side's just bristles.
00:22:56.000 And he says...
00:22:57.000 I don't think he'd mind me telling you this.
00:22:59.000 I always think about when you talk about someone that you love that's deceased, would they be okay with what you're saying?
00:23:05.000 So it's not TMZ garbage.
00:23:07.000 So he would take the hard scrubbing part and he said, this is what they took my skin off with.
00:23:14.000 After the fire, they had to scrub my whole body with this shit.
00:23:18.000 And I just sat there and I remember crying...
00:23:23.000 I think there was the combined empathy.
00:23:26.000 And then I told him of, like, my sister that died, and then he was telling me, you know, you just get close with people.
00:23:33.000 And then one night I didn't invite him to dinner because he'd had a hard day, and he was mad at me the next day.
00:23:39.000 And I was like, oh, my God.
00:23:41.000 So he was enjoying...
00:23:42.000 So I said, but he was in a rough place.
00:23:45.000 He was, you know, he was a complicated human.
00:23:47.000 But I remember saying to him, because when you're acting, you're just, I don't know, I was green.
00:23:53.000 I said, so you're upset with me.
00:23:55.000 I'm so sorry.
00:23:56.000 This means we're friends, right?
00:23:58.000 Because I upset you, right?
00:24:01.000 And then we went to dinner again.
00:24:05.000 He's the classic complicated comedian, right?
00:24:09.000 With the hardest shit.
00:24:11.000 Drug addiction, all the chaos.
00:24:13.000 Growing up in a poor house.
00:24:15.000 Yeah, he grew up in a brothel.
00:24:17.000 That's his headshot on the wall over there.
00:24:21.000 Yeah.
00:24:21.000 Yeah, I mean, he was, I think he was 19. And he was doing the button-down Bill Cosby way of doing stand-up.
00:24:28.000 Yeah.
00:24:29.000 But it's still, when you look at, everybody goes, oh, he went and flipped like George Carlin, and all of a sudden he was a different guy.
00:24:34.000 He was still the same guy.
00:24:36.000 You still saw, even though Cosby, I know, was mad at him because he thought he was lifting some of his stuff, but Cosby would get mad at a lot of people, but he's doing fine now.
00:24:45.000 Yeah.
00:24:46.000 Well, I think everybody starts out in imitation of the people they really love and respect.
00:24:52.000 Who did you start out?
00:24:54.000 Richard Jenny a lot.
00:24:55.000 Yeah.
00:24:57.000 I remember on stage once, I caught myself a year in a comedy.
00:25:03.000 I was like, Jesus Christ, I'm aping his mannerisms.
00:25:08.000 But I don't see that when I see it.
00:25:10.000 No, I got rid of it.
00:25:11.000 I realized it.
00:25:12.000 You know, you become who you are, but in the beginning, you know, I think it's normal.
00:25:17.000 I mean, it happens with bands.
00:25:19.000 You know, look, Stevie Ray Vaughan was deeply influenced by Jimi Hendrix.
00:25:23.000 And then he became Stevie Ray Vaughan, even when he does Voodoo Child.
00:25:28.000 Like, if you listen to Stevie Ray Vaughan's cover of Voodoo Child, it's Stevie Ray Vaughan.
00:25:33.000 It's Voodoo Child, but it's Stevie Ray Vaughan's version.
00:25:37.000 He became his own man.
00:25:38.000 And I think all of us in the beginning got into comedy because we wanted to be some comedian that we really admired.
00:25:46.000 And when I was just starting out, I got a chance to see Rich Jenny a few times.
00:25:52.000 And I remember being baffled by his ability to turn over material.
00:25:56.000 It was stunning, man.
00:25:58.000 It's so prolific.
00:25:59.000 So prolific.
00:26:00.000 You're going to make me cry because I... I was close with him, as close as you could get because he had such mental health issues.
00:26:08.000 I didn't believe he died.
00:26:11.000 And Dave Coulier instant messaged me.
00:26:17.000 That's not how you want to find that out.
00:26:19.000 So I called his number the next morning.
00:26:25.000 And his girlfriend answered and just said, it's true, Bob.
00:26:29.000 And I went, oh, fuck.
00:26:31.000 Because I didn't believe it.
00:26:32.000 I couldn't believe it.
00:26:33.000 I met him a few times.
00:26:36.000 I saw him live a few times in the early days.
00:26:39.000 And then once, you know, this was like when I was an open-miker.
00:26:42.000 I went to see him live at Catch a Rising Star in Cambridge when I was just starting out.
00:26:47.000 And I sat in the front row and he made fun of me.
00:26:48.000 It was great.
00:26:50.000 Because...
00:26:52.000 I had seen him on The Tonight Show.
00:26:53.000 The first time I'd ever seen him was on The Tonight Show.
00:26:55.000 And he did a bunch of appearances on The Tonight Show.
00:26:57.000 And then I'd seen one of his TV specials, one of his hour specials.
00:27:02.000 And then I got a chance to see him several times.
00:27:05.000 And I've told this story.
00:27:06.000 Forgive me if you heard it on the podcast, folks.
00:27:08.000 But we were at Eastside Comedy Club.
00:27:11.000 And...
00:27:13.000 He had just been there and the host was just...
00:27:17.000 I got there like Saturday night after the Late Show and the host was like, he did four different hours.
00:27:23.000 He did two different hours Friday night and two different hours Saturday night and murdered.
00:27:28.000 And they were like, Jesus Christ.
00:27:29.000 And this was me.
00:27:31.000 I was like three years in a comedy.
00:27:32.000 And I remember thinking, God damn, that is so...
00:27:35.000 That was so impossible to even imagine that someone could be that good.
00:27:39.000 Then I got this chance to see him a year later at the Comedy Works in Montreal as a part of the festival, the Just for Laughs festival.
00:27:48.000 He was in that little...
00:27:50.000 Do you ever work at that place, Jimbo's place?
00:27:52.000 No.
00:27:52.000 No?
00:27:53.000 Oh, my God.
00:27:54.000 I did a show there at the Place des Arts for some broadcasted show that I hosted.
00:27:59.000 Jimbo, the guy who owned the club in Montreal, had this little tiny club that was upstairs.
00:28:04.000 He had a great bar downstairs.
00:28:06.000 Wait a minute.
00:28:07.000 Yeah.
00:28:08.000 I did it the night before.
00:28:11.000 That's where you go the night before anything.
00:28:13.000 I did it with Jim Norton and Brewer.
00:28:18.000 Yes, I did it with Brewer too.
00:28:21.000 It was fun as shit.
00:28:22.000 I was going, what the fuck am I doing?
00:28:26.000 You can't always play gigantic...
00:28:28.000 Well, you're taking over the world.
00:28:30.000 I like little places too, man.
00:28:32.000 But you play spaceships now.
00:28:34.000 I play big places, but I still like little places.
00:28:35.000 I admire the fuck out of what you're doing, by the way.
00:28:38.000 Thank you very much.
00:28:39.000 I have to tell you that, because, you know, there's like five people.
00:28:42.000 Kevin Hart thinks he's two of them.
00:28:47.000 But, you know, comedy rock star shit.
00:28:49.000 I subscribe, you know?
00:28:50.000 Well, he's doing it.
00:28:51.000 And you're doing it.
00:28:53.000 And to be on a thing with Chappelle, and to be able to do that, and to be able to go out there, especially where we're at right now, and there's nothing on my nose right now, I'm just telling you the truth from my heart.
00:29:05.000 I do this, I've always done it, but more so now, I'm 64 years old now, even though I look, you know, 63. But what you're able to do, if you can unify people, In a room, or in a dry bed,
00:29:22.000 or at these giant places that you're doing, it is...
00:29:29.000 Absolutely beautiful and especially now Whenever you're able to do those dates that are coming up people will never forget it when we come out of this that's very nice I don't know if we're gonna be able to I've kind of resigned myself to I think we will I'm fine listen like legitimately I'm fine working in comedy clubs for the rest of my life I don't give a fuck I just like doing stand-up and that's one of the things that I've gotten out of this you know I've been doing,
00:29:56.000 the last few years I've been doing arenas, and they're great, but so is the OR at the Comedy Store.
00:30:03.000 Yep.
00:30:03.000 That's great too.
00:30:04.000 I'm fine with that.
00:30:06.000 I don't, I honestly, I just like doing stand-up.
00:30:09.000 If we can never do arenas again, if no one ever, no rock bands, no UFC ever does an arena again, no football games are ever in a sold-out arena, okay.
00:30:20.000 But you can't do UFC in the OR. Well, they're doing UFC with no crowd.
00:30:25.000 That's true.
00:30:25.000 And it's amazing.
00:30:26.000 I love it.
00:30:27.000 I've called two fights now with no audience, and I enjoy it, man.
00:30:33.000 It's great.
00:30:35.000 I'm just happy that the fights are happening.
00:30:38.000 I did shows in Houston a couple weeks ago.
00:30:41.000 Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that.
00:30:43.000 Yeah, me, Tony Hinchcliffe, and Brian Moses.
00:30:46.000 We did the Houston Improv.
00:30:48.000 We had a great time.
00:30:49.000 First of all, It's a great room.
00:30:50.000 It's a great room.
00:30:51.000 I was supposed to go there.
00:30:53.000 I had to not because of what's going on now.
00:30:55.000 Yeah.
00:30:56.000 But you went in.
00:30:56.000 I was like, wow, brave motherfucker.
00:31:00.000 We wanted to.
00:31:01.000 We just wanted to.
00:31:02.000 First of all, I miss doing shows, but I miss hanging out with comics on the road.
00:31:07.000 It's fun.
00:31:09.000 My buddy Mike Young, we always tour together.
00:31:13.000 And it's like with my brother.
00:31:15.000 Yes, it's fun.
00:31:17.000 And that's the big thing.
00:31:19.000 Touring on the road with people you love, it's the best.
00:31:22.000 Because Moses is the best.
00:31:24.000 I love him.
00:31:25.000 I don't know him.
00:31:25.000 And I love Tony.
00:31:26.000 He hosts Rust Battle.
00:31:27.000 Oh, I know.
00:31:28.000 He's great.
00:31:29.000 And Tony is one of my best friends.
00:31:31.000 So it's like, to be with these guys, we were just...
00:31:33.000 From the moment we saw each other, we'd go to restaurants, we'd do shows, it was all smiles and laughs.
00:31:38.000 Like, holy shit, we're doing stand-up again!
00:31:40.000 This is crazy!
00:31:41.000 Moses had done the weekend before, he did...
00:31:46.000 I forget.
00:31:47.000 Oh, he did American Comedy Company in San Diego.
00:31:49.000 He did that place, which apparently was open, and now they're closed again.
00:31:53.000 They closed La Jolla again, too.
00:31:55.000 They were doing the La Jolla store.
00:31:57.000 Sorry to hear that.
00:31:58.000 Well, you know, they've got to take precautions.
00:32:00.000 Listen, man, I was pretty nonchalant about it in terms of not worried, but as more time has gone on in terms of getting sick, my fear is getting somebody else sick.
00:32:12.000 That's number one.
00:32:13.000 Well, that's the key.
00:32:15.000 That's what's fucking lacking.
00:32:17.000 And that's what's lacking from our administration, that there's empathy.
00:32:22.000 We need empathy.
00:32:24.000 Well, we were talking about that earlier.
00:32:25.000 We were talking about Mary Trump's book.
00:32:27.000 I read some passages out of it today.
00:32:29.000 I haven't read the whole book, but I read this long piece on it about Trump's child.
00:32:34.000 Was she close with him when she was young?
00:32:36.000 I don't know, but it's his niece.
00:32:38.000 Her father, rather, was his brother.
00:32:42.000 And you kind of understand.
00:32:44.000 I mean, if she's being honest, and I assume she is, first of all, it's very well written.
00:32:47.000 She's obviously extremely intelligent, like very eloquent.
00:32:51.000 Like the way she's writing it, and I believe she has a background in psychology.
00:32:57.000 And the way she writes it...
00:33:01.000 It's not like a hateful thing.
00:33:04.000 She's basically explaining why he's so fucked up and why he lacks empathy.
00:33:09.000 And what she said was that the father was like a sociopath and the mother was never around and was absent and didn't give him...
00:33:18.000 Any love or attention and only, according to her, used the children to comfort herself instead of being there for them.
00:33:27.000 And that he developed this narcissistic, self-centered personality in response to that.
00:33:32.000 And that his father would, you know, anytime he showed emotions or anytime he showed needs, his father would cast that aside and squash that inside of him.
00:33:42.000 That's very clear.
00:33:43.000 Yeah, so he developed this—that's the thing that's most disturbing about him.
00:33:46.000 When I talk to people that are fans of Trump and they say, why aren't you—like, what do you least like?
00:33:51.000 I go, what I least—first of all, I don't understand the economy.
00:33:55.000 So when people say he's good for the economy, he's good for business, is that short-term?
00:34:00.000 What does that mean long-term?
00:34:02.000 That was pre-COVID. That's all that was.
00:34:05.000 The world's fucked economically post-COVID. He is not the president for where we're at.
00:34:10.000 Right, but the thing that bothers me the most- He could adjust if he would.
00:34:14.000 But he's not capable.
00:34:15.000 The problem is the lack of empathy.
00:34:18.000 When he talked about John McCain, he said, I like soldiers that don't get captured.
00:34:25.000 Remember that?
00:34:26.000 Yeah.
00:34:27.000 That is a crazy thing to say to a guy who's a war hero.
00:34:30.000 I mean, it's funny.
00:34:31.000 You're laughing at it because you're a comic.
00:34:32.000 I'm laughing at it because it's ludicrous.
00:34:35.000 It's ludicrous.
00:34:36.000 I mean, I'm not laughing at it.
00:34:38.000 I mean, it's horrific.
00:34:39.000 I unfortunately will be the first person to laugh at the worst Of course.
00:34:45.000 You're a comic.
00:34:46.000 Right.
00:34:47.000 And then it'll get misquoted and then I'm an asshole.
00:34:49.000 Right.
00:34:50.000 And you've been misquoted lately terribly.
00:34:52.000 There's no way around that.
00:34:54.000 No.
00:34:54.000 Especially in this day and age when they could redefine you with something out of context.
00:34:58.000 But the point is that what they're...
00:35:01.000 What it shows, the lack of empathy is the last thing we need right now.
00:35:05.000 Well, we need empathy.
00:35:07.000 We need someone who can say something that calms people down and brings us together and inspires us, man.
00:35:12.000 People need inspiration and we need to know and understand that we are all in this together and we can go forth and pretend we're not and keep burning buildings and keep going crazy and screaming in the streets for the heads of politicians and kill the cops and all that crazy shit or Or take your mask off,
00:35:29.000 that's my fucking right, and fuck you.
00:35:31.000 He wants love.
00:35:33.000 That's the crazy part.
00:35:35.000 He wants to be loved.
00:35:37.000 He thinks he's Don Rickles.
00:35:39.000 When he puts people down and say, punch him in the mouth and stuff, he's trying to be that guy.
00:35:45.000 I've known people like him who are just assholes.
00:35:48.000 Yeah, but Don Rickles wasn't an asshole.
00:35:50.000 That's why it worked.
00:35:50.000 He was like a dad to me.
00:35:52.000 He was a lovely guy.
00:35:53.000 That's why it worked.
00:35:54.000 When he would shit on you, it's like when guys...
00:35:57.000 No, it's a gift.
00:35:57.000 It's like the Pope.
00:35:58.000 Right, exactly.
00:35:59.000 Like, you know, when guys...
00:36:01.000 Some guys can shit on you and it's...
00:36:03.000 Look, that's the beauty of Roast Battle.
00:36:05.000 Brian Moses' show.
00:36:06.000 The beauty of Roast Battle is these people are shitting on the most embarrassing aspects of each other and they're both laughing at it.
00:36:14.000 And it's great.
00:36:15.000 And that's what Jeff Ross, that's his whole theory, is I only roast the ones I love.
00:36:19.000 Yes.
00:36:20.000 Which comes from the old friars and the old maskers before that.
00:36:24.000 That's Ross's thing.
00:36:25.000 I mean, he loves those.
00:36:26.000 Back in the day, when we were in New York, he was like, I'm going to the friars club.
00:36:30.000 You want to come?
00:36:30.000 I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
00:36:32.000 You're going to hang out with a bunch of old dead men?
00:36:34.000 Like, that's how I looked at it.
00:36:35.000 And how much fun did you have?
00:36:36.000 I didn't go.
00:36:37.000 Oh.
00:36:37.000 But he was always that guy was my point.
00:36:41.000 So you really didn't want to be with a bunch of old dead men.
00:36:44.000 Listen, man, back then in particular, I was crazy.
00:36:48.000 Like, this is me at 24, 25. I had just stopped fighting.
00:36:54.000 I was just no longer competing.
00:36:57.000 So I still had like this maniacal mindset.
00:37:00.000 I was a crazy person.
00:37:02.000 You know, I just wanted to play pool and go stay up all night.
00:37:05.000 Were you singled in?
00:37:07.000 Yes.
00:37:07.000 I didn't want to hang out with a bunch of old dudes.
00:37:09.000 Right.
00:37:09.000 Old dudes and listen to some old jokes and listen to them talk about the Jackie Gleason show.
00:37:13.000 Like, nah.
00:37:14.000 No.
00:37:15.000 Gotta go, bro.
00:37:15.000 He always loved it.
00:37:16.000 I had one fun experience that Jeff took me there for lunch.
00:37:19.000 I go there.
00:37:20.000 This is maybe 15 years ago.
00:37:21.000 I think I was there because I was doing the Jack Black roast, which was at the Hilton.
00:37:27.000 I was the host.
00:37:28.000 I was the...
00:37:30.000 Whatever you call it.
00:37:31.000 The MC? The Roastmaster.
00:37:33.000 Yes.
00:37:34.000 And so Jack is being roasted.
00:37:36.000 It's for charity.
00:37:37.000 And so I go there and I hadn't been in the friars and I sit there and I'm just sitting with Jeff and I get the phone.
00:37:45.000 There's a phone next to me and the phone rings.
00:37:47.000 They go, Mr. Sackett, the phone's for you.
00:37:48.000 And I pick it up and a man goes, look to your left.
00:37:52.000 And I look to my left and it's an old Jewish guy with orange hair and he goes, fuck you.
00:37:59.000 I went, what?
00:38:01.000 Who was it?
00:38:01.000 Red Skelton?
00:38:02.000 I don't know.
00:38:03.000 He looked like Red Buttons.
00:38:05.000 I don't know.
00:38:06.000 And I go, what?
00:38:07.000 Do I know you?
00:38:08.000 He goes, fuck you.
00:38:10.000 Welcome to the Friars.
00:38:11.000 And he hung up.
00:38:12.000 That's hilarious.
00:38:12.000 And that to me was kind of cool.
00:38:17.000 It's probably a COVID Petri dish now.
00:38:19.000 I don't think so.
00:38:20.000 Those guys don't make it.
00:38:21.000 I think it's gone.
00:38:22.000 I think the Friars Club is gone.
00:38:25.000 Now, as a person who appreciates the history of comedy, I kind of wish I went to one of those things just to see what it was like to hang out with those guys.
00:38:32.000 I got to meet Red Skelton once.
00:38:34.000 That was pretty cool.
00:38:35.000 That's really nice.
00:38:36.000 I was at an NBC event back when I was on Fear Factor.
00:38:40.000 But it was cool to meet him.
00:38:43.000 Did you enjoy that show?
00:38:44.000 Yeah.
00:38:45.000 I enjoyed the money.
00:38:47.000 That's all I enjoyed.
00:38:47.000 I enjoyed the people I worked with.
00:38:49.000 They were fun people.
00:38:50.000 What year was that?
00:38:51.000 When did you start?
00:38:52.000 2001 to 2006. I enjoyed some of it.
00:38:59.000 I enjoyed when nice people won.
00:39:01.000 I enjoyed helping people.
00:39:05.000 Overcome like this a situation where they're really nervous and I could coach them and talk them through because it brought me back like I used to I used to teach martial arts and I coach a lot of kids in particular I bring them to tournaments and I would I would train them and then you know like these 14 15 year old kids I take them to tournaments and they'd be fucking panicking and I would talk them through it and I would say you're gonna get through this and you're gonna be a better person because you got through this because it's so scary when you get through something so scary you become stronger and And this is something you
00:39:35.000 just have to go through.
00:39:36.000 And if you just shy away from this, you'll shy away from this your whole life.
00:39:40.000 But you can get through this.
00:39:41.000 Other people have done it, and you can do it too.
00:39:44.000 And I took a lot of that over to Fear Factor.
00:39:47.000 What I loved is those moments where you would see someone overcome, and then they would be so happy.
00:39:54.000 And I'd be so happy, too.
00:39:55.000 I cried a bunch of times.
00:39:57.000 That's why you were so good on it.
00:39:59.000 I was doing the video show, and there were things I was like, well, this isn't my personality.
00:40:04.000 And other times I'd go, okay, people are flying in.
00:40:08.000 They're being flown in to L.A. They made a video of their kid reciting all the presidents when he was two.
00:40:17.000 They're all there.
00:40:18.000 And then I go, and what are you going to do with the $10,000?
00:40:21.000 And the father says, I'm going to make a down payment on our first house.
00:40:26.000 And the guy's like 50 years old.
00:40:27.000 And I'm like...
00:40:30.000 I'm glad I got this job right now.
00:40:32.000 That's when I go.
00:40:33.000 It was worth to see all those people get hit in the nuts for no reason.
00:40:36.000 Yeah, there's moments in these competition shows where you really do feel like the world got a little lighter.
00:40:46.000 People got elevated.
00:40:47.000 When you see someone win, We see people win things.
00:40:51.000 I love watching people do better.
00:40:55.000 I love watching them overcome.
00:40:57.000 I love watching them go through some difficult thing and figure it out and get through it.
00:41:03.000 The feeling of relief and of just watching the adulation and everybody's cheering and they're like, yeah!
00:41:13.000 And the surprise, and yet the producers know they've got something special, but will it deliver?
00:41:18.000 Howie Mandel's a dear friend forever, and he's on America's Got Talent.
00:41:22.000 So here's a show that I always was against competition shows.
00:41:25.000 I wouldn't go on Star Search when I was broke.
00:41:28.000 I just didn't believe in comedians competing against things.
00:41:32.000 And then, did you ever go on any of those competition things?
00:41:35.000 No.
00:41:35.000 No, I didn't.
00:41:36.000 So I'm watching America's Got Talent, and they have...
00:41:39.000 A handicapped person come out who sings just like you've never heard anyone sing so good.
00:41:46.000 And then you see the true joy in the people.
00:41:49.000 It's not just showbiz bullshit selling something.
00:41:52.000 And that's that feeling.
00:41:54.000 You came from something that you never – it's a dream fulfilled.
00:41:58.000 And it's about the human spirit.
00:42:00.000 The human spirit.
00:42:01.000 Yeah, that's real.
00:42:02.000 I mean, it's so fun to be cynical for some people and the shit on that, but some of my favorite moments in life...
00:42:07.000 I used to.
00:42:07.000 I used to be more cynical and shit on it.
00:42:08.000 It's easy to be, especially as a comic when you're struggling, when you're making your way through the...
00:42:14.000 You know, we joke about the worst things.
00:42:18.000 You know, a lot of us are bitter.
00:42:19.000 A lot of us are jealous.
00:42:20.000 I'm not bitter, but I do joke about things I can't...
00:42:23.000 I can't do it.
00:42:24.000 I know.
00:42:25.000 I need two minutes to tee up some horrible joke and then three minutes to get the fuck out of what I just did.
00:42:32.000 And that's going to continue because I can't not say stuff.
00:42:35.000 It is a part of being a person who is a stand-up comedian.
00:42:38.000 You know that there's a thing you're not supposed to say and you're going to say it.
00:42:42.000 And if you do say it, you know I'm going to laugh.
00:42:44.000 And you're going to say it and I'm going to laugh.
00:42:45.000 We're going to go, you motherfucker.
00:42:47.000 I can't believe you said that.
00:42:48.000 I've asked this of many comedian friends and people.
00:42:51.000 When do you think...
00:42:53.000 I mean, is it the teenager in us?
00:42:55.000 Is it that guy that's being told, don't do this?
00:42:58.000 I don't know.
00:42:59.000 Did you lock in at 16, do you feel?
00:43:01.000 I kind of feel sometimes I locked in at 9, because the world hadn't fallen apart for me.
00:43:06.000 I didn't see how fucked up everything was.
00:43:09.000 I mean, you could go deep psychologically with it, but I think at the end of the day, we enjoy, first of all, when comedians are around comedians is when that shit's the worst, right?
00:43:20.000 That's when the most gallows humor.
00:43:23.000 Oh, I try to out-worst everybody.
00:43:25.000 And that's how I made friends.
00:43:27.000 When you take those things out of context in quotes, that's when you're going to get the most in trouble.
00:43:33.000 For a non-comic to understand some of the horrible shit we'll say at Cantor's Deli at 2 o'clock in the morning, and be laughing.
00:43:42.000 Bah!
00:43:43.000 Like, dying, falling under the table, and all we're trying to do is make each other laugh.
00:43:47.000 It's not, we're horrible, mean people, secretly hoping everybody gets cancer.
00:43:52.000 That's not what we're doing.
00:43:53.000 We're just, we're saying inappropriate things because it's fun to do, because I know you're a good guy, and I know you don't mean it.
00:44:00.000 That's the only way it works.
00:44:01.000 It's letting air out of the pressure cooker.
00:44:03.000 Yes.
00:44:04.000 It's stating, that's why people go, how could you do that?
00:44:06.000 It's too soon.
00:44:07.000 You don't do that joke.
00:44:08.000 Sometimes you don't do that joke.
00:44:10.000 Do you know Brian Holtzman?
00:44:13.000 Vaguely, yes.
00:44:13.000 Brian Holtzman is a legend for doing material way too soon that only makes comics laugh, but he'll do it on stage.
00:44:21.000 Do you remember Susan Smith?
00:44:22.000 She's a lady who drowned her children, and at first she said someone stole the car or something like that, and then it turned out...
00:44:27.000 Brian Holtzman's on stage the week that happens, and he goes...
00:44:32.000 I heard those were bad kids.
00:44:33.000 He goes, I heard they sat that close to the TV. They never put away their blocks.
00:44:37.000 They spilt their milk.
00:44:38.000 Those kids will not be missed.
00:44:39.000 And people are like, oh my God.
00:44:41.000 It's the whole they had it coming thing.
00:44:42.000 We were fucking crying.
00:44:44.000 We couldn't believe.
00:44:45.000 And, you know, people would say, oh, these horrible comedians, they love this shock and they're just mean and they just want mean comedy.
00:44:54.000 It's not even that.
00:44:55.000 It's hard to explain to a person that's outside of the business.
00:45:00.000 But to me, if I'm around Jeff Ross, And something like that happens.
00:45:07.000 I expect that he's going to turn to me and say something fucked up.
00:45:11.000 He wants to be the first person to say it.
00:45:13.000 Of course.
00:45:14.000 And I go, Jeff, no.
00:45:15.000 Yes.
00:45:16.000 But I'm saying no with love.
00:45:18.000 Yes, of course.
00:45:19.000 Of course.
00:45:20.000 Kenison, I actually, I'm going to date myself.
00:45:23.000 I don't have to now because I'm married.
00:45:25.000 That's the kind of jokes I shouldn't do.
00:45:26.000 No, that's the one.
00:45:27.000 But I know as I'm saying them, but I still say them.
00:45:29.000 You can't help it.
00:45:30.000 It's a dad joke thing.
00:45:32.000 Bill Burr said to me, he was a guest on my Nubile podcast, and Bill said to me, you know what your act is, Saget?
00:45:41.000 He said, your act is all the lines you couldn't say on Full House, and you just say fuck all around it.
00:45:45.000 That's what your act is.
00:45:47.000 And I went, what?
00:45:48.000 What do you say?
00:45:49.000 And then he pummeled me for 20 minutes and I fucking loved it.
00:45:53.000 And then I attacked him for like 10 minutes.
00:45:55.000 But he's one of the best people.
00:45:59.000 He's one of my favorite people ever.
00:46:00.000 He's one of my favorite people on the earth.
00:46:01.000 He went to my wedding.
00:46:02.000 I just love to wind him up.
00:46:03.000 Oh, fuck!
00:46:06.000 I had nine stories to start, but that's why I'm so happy to be doing this.
00:46:10.000 Thank you.
00:46:10.000 My pleasure.
00:46:11.000 Thank you.
00:46:11.000 I haven't talked to anybody.
00:46:13.000 I know.
00:46:13.000 You've been stuck, right?
00:46:14.000 Well, I had a Zoom last night, the night before, with Norman Lear and a bunch of musician friends.
00:46:21.000 Oh, wow.
00:46:21.000 And we talk about the world, and we talk about what the fuck are we going to do, and...
00:46:27.000 And it's just interesting.
00:46:29.000 And we used to, we would do it in person.
00:46:32.000 We'd all sing songs for four or five hours into the night and have different friends show up.
00:46:36.000 Stamos came.
00:46:37.000 John Mayer came.
00:46:38.000 Dave Kaz always comes to it.
00:46:39.000 And it'd be music.
00:46:41.000 You play, right?
00:46:42.000 No.
00:46:43.000 I thought you were a musician.
00:46:44.000 No, zero musical talent.
00:46:46.000 But you love.
00:46:47.000 I love music.
00:46:48.000 Love it.
00:46:49.000 Yeah, but one of the things I love about music is I don't know how to do anything.
00:46:52.000 I don't know how to...
00:46:53.000 I mean, I love it, but I can just enjoy it.
00:46:55.000 You should start a band, though.
00:46:57.000 Just for the fuck of it.
00:46:58.000 People that know nothing?
00:46:59.000 Yeah.
00:46:59.000 Yeah.
00:46:59.000 Just get, like, three people that can't play.
00:47:01.000 No, I'm a bit too busy.
00:47:03.000 But I do love music.
00:47:05.000 I love it.
00:47:06.000 One of the things I love about it is the fact that I have no skin in the game.
00:47:11.000 It's like I love comedy, but I do it.
00:47:14.000 So when I see someone make a great bit, part of me is like, God, I wish I wrote that.
00:47:18.000 You know what I mean?
00:47:19.000 I don't get jealous, but I go like, fuck.
00:47:22.000 Or I'll see it and go, wait, I did that 20 years ago.
00:47:25.000 Well, there's always that, right?
00:47:27.000 There's always parallel thinking.
00:47:28.000 But the other thing that gets me is, like, if I see someone really kill, I want to go home and write.
00:47:33.000 It's like, I get inspired to create.
00:47:35.000 Whereas music just makes me happy.
00:47:37.000 Like, I've had my friends Honey Honey come in here and play, and Gary Clark Jr.'s been in here.
00:47:43.000 Wow.
00:47:43.000 Everlast is played in here.
00:47:45.000 I have a bunch of people play music in here.
00:47:47.000 And there's something about watching someone do something that you have zero talent in.
00:47:52.000 It's really special.
00:47:53.000 Well, I think comics really do.
00:47:54.000 We want to be musicians.
00:47:56.000 We worship music people.
00:47:58.000 Some, yeah.
00:47:59.000 Some.
00:48:00.000 I mean, yes.
00:48:01.000 Not all of them, obviously.
00:48:03.000 Yeah, I never had any desire to be a musician at all.
00:48:05.000 Zero.
00:48:06.000 Bill Burr plays the drums like a son of a bitch.
00:48:09.000 Well, I was gonna say something about him.
00:48:11.000 I finally did something that actually stayed on topic, I think.
00:48:15.000 He came to my wedding, and then he had to go do a gig.
00:48:19.000 And he does the gig, and his wife stayed, and he comes back in a different outfit, like a pink jacket.
00:48:27.000 He left my wedding and is such a good friend, he came back again, because he was so happy for me, because who the fuck else would want me than my wife?
00:48:37.000 I was there.
00:48:41.000 In Philly, in Camden, at the Tweeter Center, it was called, when we were on the Opie and Anthony virus tour.
00:48:49.000 So it was Tracy Morgan, myself, Louis C.K. Is that the one where Don Marrera got heckled and he went on and he literally attacked the crowd?
00:48:57.000 It made Bill Burr a legend.
00:48:59.000 That was when Bill, I was standing there.
00:49:03.000 He roasted Philadelphia.
00:49:03.000 I was standing there.
00:49:05.000 I was under the fucking monitor right through the curtain that I was going to come out.
00:49:10.000 I had the sweet spot.
00:49:12.000 Bob will do like 25 minutes in the middle because I was just a bitch.
00:49:16.000 And they put me there and it was a sweet spot because you take a lot of bullets coming up with a Philly audience and a Jersey audience.
00:49:23.000 And Bill, I'd known him through clubs, but he got out there and they were booing him.
00:49:31.000 And he's so fucking awesome.
00:49:34.000 The way he's made that whole fucking Boston brilliance.
00:49:40.000 And he just started to pummel them back and said the worst things you can say, every inappropriate thing you could possibly say, calling, talking about their cheesesteaks and the Sixers and just, you know, the thing you saw.
00:49:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:49:53.000 I've seen it.
00:49:53.000 And I watched it and I'm like, this is fucking great.
00:49:57.000 Fuck you and fuck the Liberty Bell.
00:49:59.000 Fuck.
00:50:01.000 It's 15 minutes he did it.
00:50:02.000 And at the end, the boos were as loud as the cheers.
00:50:06.000 I think he got a standing ovation.
00:50:08.000 He didn't see it.
00:50:09.000 He comes off stage like a fighter.
00:50:10.000 He's all sweaty.
00:50:11.000 He said, did you see that?
00:50:12.000 It was fucking horrible.
00:50:14.000 What the fuck was that?
00:50:15.000 I went, Bill, that was great.
00:50:17.000 Are you kidding?
00:50:18.000 That was fucking amazing.
00:50:19.000 No, he killed.
00:50:20.000 And then he still didn't believe me.
00:50:22.000 And then I said, you're going to remember this.
00:50:26.000 You don't know what just happened here.
00:50:28.000 If there's a tape of this, this is going to change.
00:50:31.000 You don't even know.
00:50:32.000 And I bring it up to him and he's like, he doesn't want to talk about it.
00:50:35.000 But it was a defining moment for his everything.
00:50:39.000 Yeah, no, he's that guy that can just take a moment and rant on things.
00:50:45.000 He knows how to rant better than anybody I know, in terms of in the moment, pick things apart, and piece them.
00:50:53.000 That's what his podcast is.
00:50:54.000 One of the brilliant things about his podcast, he does it two times a week, and it's just him.
00:50:59.000 It's just him ranting, which is crazy that he's got that sort of muscle that he can just rant on things by himself.
00:51:08.000 Just starts reading things and getting pissed off about this.
00:51:11.000 You know what?
00:51:11.000 Here's what the fucking problem is.
00:51:13.000 And then he just goes off.
00:51:15.000 And what's amazing is he knows what you know, what I know, that he's not alone.
00:51:23.000 He's talking to all of it.
00:51:25.000 He's ranting to people that love him.
00:51:27.000 He knows they love him.
00:51:28.000 He's comfortable.
00:51:29.000 And he loves people.
00:51:31.000 He's one of the sweetest.
00:51:32.000 He's a great guy.
00:51:34.000 He's a great guy, but I love winding him up.
00:51:36.000 He does something that Chappelle does that I find them both so brave that they know where their A point is and they know where their endgame is.
00:51:48.000 That's really well phrased.
00:51:49.000 But it's like they make a statement, then they dive into a pool with no water in it, you know, metaphorically.
00:51:58.000 They know where their exit is.
00:52:00.000 They know it.
00:52:00.000 And the exit comes out strong.
00:52:02.000 It's amazing.
00:52:03.000 And sometimes it's not quite as close, but then they still know how to fluff the final thing.
00:52:10.000 Well they both know how to take a subject and I mean it's one of the cool things about being at the store is you get to see like the beginnings of those bits that a guy like Chappelle or Burr or anybody will start out and then flesh it through and figure it out and then tighten it up and then by the time they're filming a special so it's a weapon.
00:52:30.000 I gotta go there more.
00:52:32.000 I was starting to come there more.
00:52:33.000 In fact, you were nice enough to bring me up.
00:52:35.000 Oh.
00:52:36.000 Yeah, it's closed.
00:52:36.000 I meant come there more.
00:52:39.000 Disease?
00:52:39.000 A lot of people in the back of that story.
00:52:41.000 I got stories.
00:52:42.000 I bet you did disease stories?
00:52:44.000 No, people are fucking there.
00:52:47.000 Do you think...
00:52:48.000 I got Kennison his first spot at the store.
00:52:51.000 You got him his first spot?
00:52:53.000 Yeah.
00:52:53.000 Like you were there the first time he went on stage?
00:52:55.000 Yeah.
00:52:55.000 I met him in...
00:52:56.000 What year is this?
00:52:57.000 Fuck, long time.
00:52:59.000 I didn't have a gig.
00:53:02.000 83, 84, I don't know.
00:53:04.000 That's crazy because 86, he was famous.
00:53:06.000 Yeah.
00:53:07.000 What happened was this.
00:53:08.000 So he'd already been teed up for Mitzi to watch, but I had set up the...
00:53:13.000 I told her to watch him.
00:53:14.000 I met him in Houston, and he was kicked out of the comedy workshop in Houston because of the shit he would say on stage, because he had been running his, you know, tent show of faith healing with his brother Bill, and they told me some real fucked up stories about shit they would do.
00:53:32.000 It was a bit charlatan and a bit...
00:53:35.000 Trying to help people, but also talking about Jesus quite a bit.
00:53:40.000 And he was cynical about it, but also very confused, very conflicted about it, about what is it.
00:53:49.000 Because he's dying on the ground, supposedly.
00:53:54.000 He looked up at the sky and was talking to God, is what Bill tells us.
00:54:00.000 That's what Carl LeBeau says.
00:54:01.000 Carl LeBeau was there.
00:54:02.000 Carl was there?
00:54:03.000 Yeah, Carl was there when it happened.
00:54:05.000 That's a whole complicated non-story right now.
00:54:10.000 It's a heavy story.
00:54:12.000 It's very fucking heavy.
00:54:13.000 Yeah, their story is very heavy.
00:54:15.000 I was around.
00:54:15.000 I was around for all of it.
00:54:17.000 I was there in the building for those six, seven years.
00:54:20.000 So what happened was...
00:54:23.000 When I met him, you would have had the same response.
00:54:25.000 He goes, they won't let me work here.
00:54:27.000 I met him at the comedy workshop.
00:54:29.000 Meet me at one in the afternoon.
00:54:30.000 He shows me this telephone pole, and he had put a picture of himself on it, and he kept putting up.
00:54:39.000 They kept taking down.
00:54:40.000 He was in the Houston Chronicle, on the front page of the Arts and Entertainment, and he dressed himself, because they banned him from the club, in a diaper and And a crown of thorns and blood coming from the crown of thorns down his face with his eyes rolled back in his head and said that he had been persecuted just like Jesus from playing the comedy workshop.
00:55:02.000 But it's pretty fucking heavy, you know?
00:55:05.000 And he had made it quite a name for himself and had a following there.
00:55:10.000 He went, I don't know what to do, man.
00:55:11.000 I want to come out to LA. And I went, well, I'll I'll help you out.
00:55:15.000 I was planning the laugh stop in Houston.
00:55:18.000 In River Oaks?
00:55:19.000 Yeah.
00:55:19.000 I used to work that place.
00:55:21.000 I liked it.
00:55:21.000 I did a...
00:55:22.000 A guy named Howard?
00:55:25.000 Who was the owner then?
00:55:32.000 I'm trying to remember.
00:55:34.000 Anyway.
00:55:34.000 This is our first dead air.
00:55:35.000 It was great.
00:55:36.000 Yeah, I'm trying to remember.
00:55:38.000 What happened was Sam, I sat next to Mitzi in her booth.
00:55:42.000 He got on stage and he did the whole bit before he had done the Young Comedians show that I was on, Rodney's first Young Comedians show.
00:55:52.000 And it was the whole thing about, you know, the kid in the...
00:55:55.000 whenever they do those World Vision commercials with a starving kid and, you know, it's famous.
00:56:00.000 Yeah.
00:56:00.000 The most famous, one of the most famous things that any comedian's done, which was just a truism.
00:56:06.000 Yeah.
00:56:06.000 Which is the cameraman can give him a sandwich.
00:56:09.000 Starving kid.
00:56:10.000 Get out of the desert!
00:56:11.000 Go to where the food is!
00:56:12.000 That's a bit that I used in a conversation with a guy.
00:56:15.000 It was a weird conversation.
00:56:16.000 There was a guy who wrote a book on comedy.
00:56:18.000 He was teaching a comedy course at a university.
00:56:21.000 And he was sitting here talking to me and he said that the best comedy always punches up.
00:56:29.000 Because there was a time when people really believed that nonsense.
00:56:32.000 Like that there was a formula to comedy and that comedy should always attack the large power structures and that the small people should be, you know, elevated by comedy.
00:56:43.000 So he's sitting here telling me this.
00:56:44.000 I go, that's nonsense.
00:56:45.000 I go, one of the greatest bits of all time is literally about starving children.
00:56:49.000 Yeah.
00:56:50.000 There's no further down that you could punch.
00:56:54.000 One of his other great bits was about dead people getting fucked in the ass.
00:56:58.000 You remember that?
00:56:59.000 The bit about homosexual necrophiliacs who would pay money to be with the freshest male corpse?
00:57:03.000 Those are two bits where you're punching down as low as you can.
00:57:07.000 Someone's dad died and this guy's fucking him.
00:57:10.000 I mean, it doesn't get any...
00:57:12.000 There's no further you can punch down.
00:57:15.000 He was on stage in the main room and he was doing a bit where he says, this is what happened to my marriage.
00:57:21.000 And he would unplug the mic.
00:57:22.000 This is my dick!
00:57:24.000 He did not need a mic to prove the point.
00:57:27.000 But he would lay on the ground with his girth and he would pretend he was having sex with his wife from behind.
00:57:33.000 And he goes, this is what happened to my marriage.
00:57:35.000 And he says, I'm trying to fuck her.
00:57:37.000 And she's like, we gotta fix the fence.
00:57:40.000 And he goes, shut the fuck up!
00:57:41.000 I'm trying to fuck you!
00:57:43.000 This is...
00:57:44.000 It needs a new coat of paint.
00:57:47.000 But we can't, you know, you can't do that now, really.
00:57:52.000 I mean, you could if you were Sam.
00:57:54.000 He could do it again.
00:57:55.000 He could do it.
00:57:55.000 If he was alive now, he could do it.
00:57:57.000 First of all, he was uniquely...
00:58:00.000 He was uniquely qualified for that kind of comedy because he was short, and he was fat, and he was going bald, and he wore a beret.
00:58:07.000 And the long coat, and he was hanging out with all the rock and roll and porn people.
00:58:12.000 The coat, he came on stage like he was a child molester or something.
00:58:15.000 Look at that.
00:58:16.000 Look at that picture.
00:58:18.000 That's him and Bill Hicks.
00:58:20.000 I love Bill.
00:58:21.000 Wow.
00:58:22.000 That's a crazy picture.
00:58:23.000 Bill was the sweetest, most timid guy.
00:58:26.000 Does Bill have his nails done there?
00:58:27.000 He's got nail polish on.
00:58:29.000 What's going on with his tips?
00:58:31.000 Oh, it's the shadows.
00:58:33.000 That was...
00:58:34.000 Sam was a sweetie then.
00:58:35.000 So when you see him then, I mean, when you go on stage, that was part of why it worked, you know?
00:58:43.000 It wasn't like, you know, if he was John Mulaney and he had that act, you know, handsome and slim, that, you know, hard to pull off.
00:58:51.000 Right.
00:58:52.000 You had to look like you got fucked over.
00:58:55.000 He looked like he got fucked over.
00:58:57.000 And he did.
00:58:57.000 And he did.
00:58:58.000 And he did.
00:58:58.000 And he was doing faith healing shows.
00:59:00.000 And they told me a story where he had been...
00:59:04.000 I wasn't going to tell it, but it's fucking weird.
00:59:08.000 So they're healing people.
00:59:10.000 So they're in some godforsaken place.
00:59:13.000 I don't know where.
00:59:15.000 And he goes, come up here and we're going to heal you.
00:59:18.000 And like a seven foot tall guy with drawstring pants...
00:59:23.000 I think?
00:59:44.000 Bill, his brother, will tell you this story.
00:59:46.000 And the guy's pants fall down, and he had the biggest dick in the world.
00:59:51.000 And so his head is gushing blood, and his dick is swinging.
00:59:55.000 And he's going, like young Frankenstein, Peter Boyle.
01:00:01.000 And it's horrifically upsetting.
01:00:04.000 And the way it's been told to me, I don't know if these stories whisper down the lane, is that they went back to the same place after a while.
01:00:12.000 The guy came back.
01:00:14.000 And he had some other mishap.
01:00:16.000 I don't want to say he hit his head again, but he fell.
01:00:20.000 He was the same guy just trying to have a redo to get healed.
01:00:24.000 Oh, God.
01:00:25.000 I mean, I don't know what's more embarrassing.
01:00:27.000 Well, if your head gets split open, but the whole room can see you've got a giant cock, maybe it's a blessing and a curse.
01:00:34.000 I don't know.
01:00:35.000 There's probably a few gals that hit him up after that.
01:00:38.000 But drawstring pants means there's not a lot of cleanliness down in the junk.
01:00:41.000 Well, you could wash them up.
01:00:43.000 Yeah.
01:00:44.000 If you're a gal looking for a big dick, there it is.
01:00:47.000 Or a guy looking for a big dick.
01:00:49.000 Or maybe a guy you can trick into fucking you.
01:00:51.000 That would be the move.
01:00:54.000 You could play like you do with a bat in baseball.
01:00:57.000 It happens to that.
01:01:01.000 It's the top.
01:01:03.000 Make that sound again.
01:01:05.000 I can't roll my R's either.
01:01:07.000 The answer to Kenneth and how quick he popped was after that set, like a week later, Rodney came in to see him.
01:01:14.000 And I'd known Rodney.
01:01:15.000 Rodney liked me.
01:01:16.000 I met him in La Jolla.
01:01:18.000 He came up to me.
01:01:19.000 You're funny, man.
01:01:20.000 You're a Jew.
01:01:20.000 You're never going to be happy.
01:01:21.000 You've got a fast mind.
01:01:22.000 You're all fucked up, man.
01:01:23.000 You're never going to be happy.
01:01:25.000 And he was trying to clean up at La Costa.
01:01:27.000 And he comes in, he goes, I can't do it, man.
01:01:29.000 No booze, no coke, no pot, no pills.
01:01:31.000 I can't do it.
01:01:33.000 And he's with two women.
01:01:34.000 And I hung out with him all weekend.
01:01:38.000 He kept coming to the condo.
01:01:40.000 And he hung out with me.
01:01:41.000 And Kennison, he saw Sam.
01:01:44.000 And I love this guy.
01:01:45.000 So I do the Young Comedian special on HBO. I had a great set right before Sam.
01:01:51.000 I had a 15-minute set.
01:01:52.000 Sam had a 15-minute set.
01:01:54.000 I was in it for three and a half minutes.
01:01:56.000 Sam was in it for 15 minutes because it was a monumental.
01:02:02.000 And then a year later, he was in back to school.
01:02:05.000 So that's why it was a three-year deal with him.
01:02:08.000 That's crazy.
01:02:09.000 And he was a sweetheart.
01:02:10.000 When I was 19, I worked as a security guard at Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts in Mansfield, Massachusetts.
01:02:17.000 And Rodney was there, and he was backstage.
01:02:19.000 And I was like, I didn't get a chance to meet him, but I was backstage.
01:02:23.000 It was like a hallway.
01:02:24.000 It's hard to know if this is a real memory, because when you're 19, your brain is mush.
01:02:29.000 And it was so long ago, and I got hit in the head a lot.
01:02:31.000 But I remember they were talking about how he didn't have any pants on.
01:02:36.000 No, never.
01:02:36.000 And he had a bathrobe.
01:02:38.000 Yeah, balls out.
01:02:39.000 I remember him pacing back and forth and looking down the hallway.
01:02:44.000 I know I definitely saw him at least once, and I definitely saw him on stage with the bathrobe on, but I remember looking down the hallway seeing this guy.
01:02:49.000 I'm like, how crazy?
01:02:51.000 He doesn't have any pants on.
01:02:52.000 He's gonna go on stage.
01:02:54.000 And then him up there just didn't give a fuck.
01:02:57.000 I mean, had no fucks to give.
01:03:00.000 He was a movie star.
01:03:03.000 At 58, by the way, it was Caddyshack.
01:03:05.000 That's how long it took him.
01:03:06.000 He was in his 60s when I saw him and apparently smoked a shitload of pot backstage.
01:03:11.000 And went on stage, sir, my wife.
01:03:14.000 And just murdered.
01:03:16.000 I mean, one punchline after another punchline.
01:03:19.000 And people don't know the story about him.
01:03:21.000 Quit doing comedy for years and became an aluminum siding salesman.
01:03:24.000 He was born Jacob Cohen, changed it to Jack Roy, and then a club owner.
01:03:30.000 Called him Rodney Dangerfield.
01:03:32.000 That's how he was named by a club owner.
01:03:34.000 What club?
01:03:35.000 I don't know.
01:03:36.000 I don't know.
01:03:37.000 But he had a rough go.
01:03:39.000 He had his rough go.
01:03:40.000 The no respect thing was, if you're going to pick a brand, a catchphrase, it wasn't a catchphrase.
01:03:46.000 It was his mantra.
01:03:48.000 Yeah, well, that made him.
01:03:51.000 I got no respect, I'll tell you.
01:03:52.000 No respect at all.
01:03:53.000 I fucking loved him.
01:03:55.000 He would have loved you.
01:03:58.000 Like, loved you.
01:03:59.000 Because of the...
01:04:01.000 He always said, and I've said this before, so I'm sorry if anybody has heard me say this, but he always said...
01:04:08.000 The key man is you just go like a tank.
01:04:10.000 Like a tank.
01:04:11.000 Because nobody wants you to make it.
01:04:12.000 Everybody's trying to stop you.
01:04:13.000 You just go like a tank.
01:04:15.000 Fuck them all.
01:04:15.000 Just go like a tank.
01:04:16.000 Because he had come up.
01:04:18.000 It took him so long to get anywhere.
01:04:21.000 And he would go on Tonight Show.
01:04:22.000 And if you look at any of these clips that they're running all over the internet, it's fucking killer.
01:04:29.000 And Carson's hitting the desk.
01:04:30.000 And it's just real special.
01:04:33.000 Well, he was a special guy.
01:04:34.000 The story was special, too, because it showed that, you know, he was trying to make it, and it fell apart, and then he took a long—didn't he take, like, ten years off?
01:04:44.000 Yeah, aluminum siding was the years of— Many years.
01:04:47.000 Yeah.
01:04:48.000 And then he came back and became the biggest fucking movie star in the world.
01:04:51.000 But it took him to 58, and they put him in Caddyshack, and a lot of the jokes were his.
01:04:57.000 And then a lot of them, I mean, it was Harold Ramis and stuff, so it was the A-team.
01:05:02.000 Genius movie, man.
01:05:04.000 Those movies were so good.
01:05:05.000 Fucking Bill Murray in that.
01:05:06.000 Chevy was great in it.
01:05:07.000 Everybody's great in that movie.
01:05:08.000 Remember when he's in the classroom and Kinison's teaching him?
01:05:11.000 Oh, yeah.
01:05:16.000 Kidison played a fucking off-tilt Vietnam vet who's screaming.
01:05:22.000 He just wrote him into it, too.
01:05:24.000 I was there!
01:05:25.000 That's a great movie back to school.
01:05:26.000 Oh, it's a fucking great movie, man.
01:05:28.000 And Easy Money was really great.
01:05:30.000 Yeah, oh, he had some classics, man.
01:05:32.000 Caddyshack, he had some classics.
01:05:34.000 He was awesome.
01:05:34.000 I officiated his funeral.
01:05:38.000 It was pretty intense to put him away.
01:05:43.000 I was with him in the intensive care.
01:05:51.000 He was in a coma, so I'd go in and talk to him.
01:05:54.000 How old was he when he passed?
01:05:55.000 84. It's amazing.
01:05:57.000 He did all that coke and he made it to 84. He stopped doing coke.
01:06:00.000 He just liked pot.
01:06:01.000 But he did a lot of coke.
01:06:03.000 When did he stop?
01:06:04.000 I think about 10 years before he died.
01:06:07.000 Still amazing.
01:06:08.000 74 years old doing coke.
01:06:09.000 Going, I got another 10 years.
01:06:11.000 I'll tell you what.
01:06:12.000 I can't.
01:06:13.000 How do you stop?
01:06:13.000 No booze, no coke, no pot, no pills.
01:06:16.000 Yeah.
01:06:17.000 I want to go back to something you were talking about.
01:06:18.000 It's a completely off comedy topic, but we'll come back to it.
01:06:22.000 I don't know.
01:06:23.000 It's your show.
01:06:24.000 I don't give a fuck.
01:06:25.000 There's no structure here.
01:06:26.000 Trump's niece, the book.
01:06:28.000 I cut you off.
01:06:28.000 I only read one passage.
01:06:30.000 It was just about empathy.
01:06:32.000 It's just about why, what's wrong with him psychologically.
01:06:37.000 Whenever you see someone that seeks power like that, seeks that kind of adulation, that kind of spotlight, what is causing that?
01:06:49.000 What is that?
01:06:50.000 What makes someone want to be that person?
01:06:53.000 You're fired!
01:06:54.000 You don't see any love out of them, any sweetness.
01:06:58.000 I think as a As a nation, at this time, we need someone who has got a real message, not some bullshit, canned speech that's prepared by a focus group where they figured out all the right beats to hit.
01:07:17.000 But they're not even doing the right beats.
01:07:19.000 I mean, the Mount Rushmore speech could have had five, six minutes in it that could have added some people to it.
01:07:25.000 Well, he's not that guy.
01:07:27.000 Obama was that guy.
01:07:29.000 If Obama was stuck in this situation, I really, truly believe he could have given a speech that made us all feel like we're going to be okay.
01:07:37.000 A hundred percent.
01:07:37.000 A hundred percent.
01:07:38.000 He was an incredibly good cheerleader and empowering.
01:07:44.000 He was.
01:07:44.000 It was also like you knew his story.
01:07:46.000 His story is the opposite of Trump's story.
01:07:49.000 Trump's story is he comes from a rich father.
01:07:52.000 You know, the father gives him money, starts his businesses.
01:07:55.000 He's known for being kind of shady.
01:07:57.000 You know, Obama's the opposite.
01:07:59.000 He comes from a single mom, grows up in Hawaii, you know, is...
01:08:06.000 It's just different.
01:08:07.000 You know that he's gone through some shit to get there and had compassion.
01:08:14.000 Yeah.
01:08:14.000 We need that.
01:08:15.000 We need someone who sees that we're hurting.
01:08:19.000 This nation is fucking hurting, man.
01:08:22.000 You see what we were talking about earlier with the cops and all these murders that are happening in New York City and Chicago's got record murders.
01:08:28.000 Oh, it's horrific.
01:08:29.000 It's crazy.
01:08:30.000 Yesterday was horrific.
01:08:31.000 Every day is horrific.
01:08:33.000 And there's no real hope in sight in terms of the economy because everything's getting more locked down.
01:08:41.000 Like today, what got passed down today in California?
01:08:45.000 They went back to almost stage one.
01:08:48.000 They shut down all the gyms.
01:08:49.000 What did they shut down?
01:08:54.000 Yeah, my yoga teacher's been trying to get me to go to yoga.
01:08:56.000 I'm like, isn't that like a hot room where people breathe heavy?
01:08:58.000 You can do it online.
01:09:00.000 I do it at home, bro.
01:09:02.000 California closed to indoor restaurants, movie theaters, and bars statewide as coronavirus cases rise.
01:09:09.000 So did it say gyms as well?
01:09:13.000 Hair salons, barbershops, fitness centers, worship services.
01:09:17.000 Oh my God.
01:09:18.000 Worship services.
01:09:19.000 So that's churches and synagogues?
01:09:21.000 Yep, everything.
01:09:23.000 Well, it's got...
01:09:25.000 When they suppress it, it works in countries, in places.
01:09:29.000 Well, here's the thing, though.
01:09:29.000 They keep saying, but it's okay to protest.
01:09:32.000 You can't say that.
01:09:33.000 But then they're saying that...
01:09:35.000 Then you hear, and I don't know where I hear it.
01:09:37.000 It might be left information that a lot of protesters...
01:09:43.000 We're protected.
01:09:44.000 Didn't get sick is what I'm hearing.
01:09:45.000 I can't believe that.
01:09:46.000 Does that make any sense?
01:09:47.000 Doesn't make any sense.
01:09:48.000 They don't want to say that these incredibly significant historical protests have created an uptick in the virus that will likely lead to deaths.
01:09:58.000 They don't want to say that.
01:09:59.000 But both those things are true.
01:10:00.000 Those protests are very important.
01:10:02.000 They're important, and they're moving the needle.
01:10:06.000 And life is going to change, so that is a positive for people that have been neglected.
01:10:13.000 For so long.
01:10:14.000 But it's all at once.
01:10:16.000 It's like some fucking supreme weird litmus on the whole universe.
01:10:24.000 It's like it's a sci-fi.
01:10:26.000 I don't think it's over.
01:10:26.000 I think we're going to get hit with a couple more wacky moments.
01:10:29.000 Yeah.
01:10:29.000 Well, the meteor, that's not far.
01:10:31.000 Or a solar flare that takes out the power grid.
01:10:33.000 We just don't want to lose our Wi-Fi.
01:10:35.000 That's all that we can.
01:10:36.000 All the Wi-Fi is first to go.
01:10:37.000 I thought this was germ warfare, is what I thought this was.
01:10:40.000 I didn't think this was...
01:10:41.000 And wet markets are open again, is what I'm hearing.
01:10:44.000 Well, it's not from the wet market.
01:10:45.000 That's what I want to know.
01:10:46.000 Talk to me.
01:10:47.000 All indications seem to point to the fact that this was a virus that had been manipulated.
01:10:52.000 I had Brett Weinstein on my podcast.
01:10:54.000 He's a biologist, and he...
01:10:57.000 In terms that I will not be able to recreate explained all the different factors that when they examine the virus would not be very likely to have happened in nature and certainly not as quickly as they had that the all these different aspects of the virus point to the fact that it had been something that had been manipulated the fact that there was a level 4 lab in Wuhan this is not People love to use the term conspiracy theory,
01:11:22.000 but this level 4 lab where they studied coronaviruses that come from bats is there.
01:11:27.000 It's in Wuhan.
01:11:28.000 And that same lab had been, two years ago, had been in trouble for violating safety protocols.
01:11:36.000 Look, China's...
01:11:38.000 It's not America.
01:11:40.000 It's not the same.
01:11:41.000 And they do things differently over there.
01:11:43.000 They're completely intertwined with their government.
01:11:45.000 They can get away with things that we can't get away with here.
01:11:48.000 And they don't have as strict a protocol when it comes to handling diseases.
01:11:54.000 Well, you know, the word on the street is often that it's wealthy people wanting to have their endangered species fix.
01:12:01.000 That's what you hear.
01:12:02.000 What do you mean?
01:12:03.000 That the wet market bat is like a delicacy, and that's how it got spread.
01:12:07.000 I've not heard that.
01:12:09.000 I don't know if that's true.
01:12:10.000 I don't know where I heard it.
01:12:11.000 I would imagine it would be more like people are starving, and they need to eat whatever they can eat, and they eat bats.
01:12:16.000 See, I always pictured it laid out like lobsters at the farmer's market.
01:12:19.000 That's what I was picturing.
01:12:21.000 That'd probably be safer.
01:12:23.000 It's not what happened.
01:12:24.000 I don't believe that's what happened.
01:12:26.000 And Brett Weinstein's very careful in not saying that this is definitely what happened, but he points to all the factors that lead to this very likely conclusion that this is something that accidentally got out of a lab.
01:12:40.000 There's a reason why it's so contagious, that it spreads so easily, that it takes on so many different forms and has so many different reactions to so many different people.
01:12:47.000 It's almost like we're dealing with a bunch of different diseases.
01:12:50.000 Anytime you mate humanity with an animal, there's a serious problem.
01:12:55.000 I'm not talking sexually.
01:12:57.000 Although, I've seen a couple goats in my life that kind of had a twinkle.
01:13:03.000 You had a smile while you were doing that because you knew you shouldn't have did it and you did it anyway.
01:13:07.000 I couldn't help it.
01:13:09.000 You knew it wasn't even going to work out well.
01:13:12.000 It didn't work out well at all.
01:13:14.000 No, but you're enjoying that.
01:13:16.000 But the other thing is, for the kids out there listening, don't fuck animals.
01:13:20.000 No, don't fuck animals.
01:13:21.000 Is that okay to put that out there?
01:13:22.000 But what if an animal really wants you to fuck it?
01:13:24.000 That's what I was saying.
01:13:25.000 A goat with a gleam in his eye.
01:13:26.000 This is where I double down on not working.
01:13:32.000 What about a small animal?
01:13:35.000 No.
01:13:35.000 That's mean.
01:13:36.000 Fuck something that can kill you.
01:13:38.000 If you're going to have the balls, fuck a bear.
01:13:39.000 Like an elephant?
01:13:40.000 Like a bear?
01:13:40.000 Yeah.
01:13:41.000 Fuck a large predator.
01:13:42.000 Yeah, don't fuck something that you're the bully.
01:13:45.000 Hold that rabbit down and fuck him.
01:13:47.000 Don't do that.
01:13:47.000 So it's the revenant.
01:13:48.000 I mean...
01:13:49.000 Yes.
01:13:49.000 What he did was get inside a bear, literally.
01:13:52.000 Not...
01:13:52.000 Sort of.
01:13:53.000 Yeah, eventually.
01:13:54.000 Right.
01:13:54.000 Took a while.
01:13:55.000 Right.
01:13:56.000 Yeah.
01:13:56.000 I think...
01:13:57.000 This is how I deal with how horrible this is.
01:14:01.000 I go to a place that's fucking asinine.
01:14:04.000 And that's what my dad would do.
01:14:06.000 Just stupid.
01:14:07.000 Just stupid.
01:14:07.000 Because I know that China is completely fucked up with this.
01:14:13.000 And they're apparently out of control.
01:14:16.000 And they don't know how to stop what's happening, is what I'm hearing also.
01:14:21.000 Well, it's doing better than we're doing.
01:14:23.000 China's, they've got it way more under control than we do.
01:14:26.000 How do we know that, though?
01:14:27.000 I don't know.
01:14:28.000 We don't, you know, they lie about everything.
01:14:30.000 The other thing about what's weird is, like, why did it go so badly here?
01:14:36.000 If you look at the UK, the UK is basically that restaurants are open again.
01:14:40.000 New Zealand has zero viruses now.
01:14:43.000 They're back to normal.
01:14:45.000 I mean, they're not letting anybody in, but they're literally back to a no-virus situation.
01:14:50.000 It's like the resistance of the United States is down because so many, not the resistance, but our immune system is down because there's so much hatred.
01:15:00.000 There's so much fucking weird shit.
01:15:03.000 I wonder what would have happened.
01:15:05.000 I mean, it's really crazy that, you know, that expression, the wings of a butterfly could become a hurricane.
01:15:10.000 But what would have happened if that George Floyd thing didn't happen?
01:15:14.000 If that day did not go down that way?
01:15:17.000 If it was just a normal day, if maybe George Floyd just hopped in the patrol car, you know, or maybe didn't give them that counterfeit $20 bill, never got arrested, what the fuck would we be looking at?
01:15:30.000 It's kind of amazing when you really...
01:15:32.000 No, it's a change of history in one moment.
01:15:36.000 In an instant, in an incident between two people.
01:15:42.000 Between one cop and one man, and then the world sees it because one girl, 17-year-old girl filmed it.
01:15:48.000 She puts it up, the whole world sees the horror of that guy leaning on that man's neck with his knee.
01:15:54.000 And other people standing by.
01:15:56.000 And then the world explodes.
01:15:58.000 Or our country explodes.
01:15:59.000 But imagine, where would we be?
01:16:01.000 It'd be really interesting to see two different timelines.
01:16:04.000 You know, see a timeline where that never happens.
01:16:08.000 I think it was bound to happen anyway.
01:16:11.000 We've been, I mean...
01:16:13.000 But that was so egregious.
01:16:14.000 It was so heinous.
01:16:16.000 Oh, that's the point.
01:16:17.000 That led to this explosion.
01:16:20.000 Whereas if there was nothing like that, I mean, because the guy who got shot by those vigilantes was just a couple of weeks before that.
01:16:29.000 Remember in Georgia?
01:16:30.000 I do.
01:16:32.000 If this George Floyd thing that was like teeing the ball up, you know, and then this George Floyd thing happens and boom, the powder keg blows.
01:16:41.000 I think the enough is enough moment happened and everybody's holed up in quarantine and everybody can't pay their rent and nobody can do anything but watch all this bullshit of all this racism and all this all of our bureaucrats spewing a bunch of lies and garbage at everybody.
01:17:01.000 My favorite part of it was the black and white video the actors made to try to fix it.
01:17:04.000 Oh my god.
01:17:07.000 I will no longer stand by.
01:17:09.000 Like, what are you talking about?
01:17:11.000 Imagine?
01:17:12.000 The Imagine video also?
01:17:13.000 No, that was the beginning of the coronavirus.
01:17:15.000 This was after that.
01:17:17.000 These actors hadn't worked in months, and they desperately needed attention, so they all got together and made that stupid fucking video.
01:17:23.000 Do you see what Jim Norton said about the Imagine video?
01:17:25.000 No, what'd he say?
01:17:26.000 He said, when I saw that video, I got all choked up because I tried to hang myself.
01:17:32.000 LAUGHTER It was so embarrassing.
01:17:36.000 Well, you know, there's something great about people that have a heart for it that are well known, whether it be acting or sports or whatever music that people are that look up to those people.
01:17:50.000 But it's saturated when it's just people doing it because they're getting publicity.
01:17:56.000 That's all they're doing.
01:17:57.000 That's why they're doing it.
01:17:58.000 They're doing it because this might be an opportunity to let other people know that they're awesome.
01:18:04.000 That's what they're doing.
01:18:05.000 And that's their fake way of pretending they have a heart.
01:18:08.000 It just doesn't...
01:18:09.000 Look, do you know...
01:18:11.000 I mean...
01:18:12.000 There has to be some heart in there somewhere.
01:18:14.000 Of course!
01:18:14.000 Of course!
01:18:15.000 It's not like they're evil.
01:18:16.000 But that's narcissism.
01:18:18.000 There's a certain amount of narcissism there that's foul.
01:18:22.000 It smells bad.
01:18:23.000 It's like when you open up some leftovers.
01:18:26.000 You're like, oh, I can't eat this.
01:18:29.000 That's what it is.
01:18:29.000 It's got a smell to it.
01:18:31.000 That's 100% right.
01:18:31.000 Yeah, it's the smell of narcissism, the smell of ego, the smell of the preposterous idea that you're going to sing your way out of people dying.
01:18:40.000 And that's what we're living right now.
01:18:42.000 That's what we're listening to right now.
01:18:43.000 When I see Jared Kushner, and I'm sure he's a delightful guy.
01:18:47.000 I bet he's not.
01:18:48.000 No, I was being totally facetious.
01:18:52.000 Me too.
01:18:52.000 Oh, great.
01:18:53.000 I think he's awesome.
01:18:54.000 Oh, I love him.
01:18:55.000 Pinky swear.
01:18:55.000 Yeah.
01:18:57.000 BFF. But what it is about him, he really looks like central casting to play the Nazi in a movie.
01:19:03.000 He so looks like he's going to have that collar on and be so good.
01:19:08.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:19:09.000 Yeah.
01:19:10.000 But apparently he's running the whole show.
01:19:13.000 I don't know.
01:19:13.000 That's crazy.
01:19:14.000 I don't believe.
01:19:15.000 I don't know.
01:19:16.000 What the fuck?
01:19:17.000 I don't know what to believe anywhere.
01:19:20.000 I just want some...
01:19:21.000 Where are we going to get truth?
01:19:22.000 Where are we ever going to get it?
01:19:23.000 Weren't they mad that he was the one saying that the coronavirus was going to be nothing?
01:19:28.000 Yes, he was one of the many, like the bullfrogs in there, Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham.
01:19:34.000 They all look like something out of Dr. Doolittle.
01:19:36.000 You imagine you're the president, and you're like, what's going to happen here?
01:19:40.000 Hey, let me go ask that guy who's married to my daughter.
01:19:43.000 He seems pretty smart.
01:19:46.000 He's married to my daughter.
01:19:47.000 I hired him.
01:19:48.000 My daughter, girlfriend, wife, wannabe.
01:19:51.000 Just imagine that too.
01:19:52.000 Imagine that he hires his family.
01:19:54.000 Well, that's a monarch.
01:19:56.000 I mean, that's a dictatorship and a monarch.
01:19:59.000 But it's just, the only people probably feel that he can trust.
01:20:01.000 But that's because he wants love, and I think they do love him.
01:20:05.000 They must love him.
01:20:07.000 And I've known people that know him, I'm sure you do too, that have said, I worked with him, he was horrible, and I've also talked to people that hung out with him, he was great.
01:20:17.000 Yeah, I've talked to people that know him, that really like him.
01:20:20.000 Yeah, I've heard that too.
01:20:21.000 And then it's a performance.
01:20:22.000 The moment it happens, it's a performance.
01:20:25.000 Well, Ross told me that.
01:20:26.000 Ross told me that he had a good time with them when they were roasting them.
01:20:29.000 And Ross told me that he was telling them, like, listen, when they're making fun of you, you've got to laugh.
01:20:34.000 I think Ross just likes that he liked him.
01:20:38.000 I think you're right!
01:20:42.000 I think you're probably right.
01:20:43.000 All right, buddy.
01:20:44.000 Maybe you're right, buddy.
01:20:46.000 Yeah, maybe.
01:20:47.000 That's a good point.
01:20:49.000 It's a real good point.
01:20:50.000 It's just a sad time and we have to punch through it.
01:20:54.000 The problem also is the nature of this business is that the way politicians are taken apart, their past is taken apart, things are taken out of context, they make these attack pieces, they look into their finances, they look into their past relationships, they try to find every fucking little piece of something that might indicate there's a character flaw.
01:21:14.000 Nobody wants to go through that.
01:21:15.000 So no person who's really like a person that you'd want to be president wants to be president.
01:21:22.000 There's like a few of them.
01:21:23.000 Bernie Sanders.
01:21:25.000 Tulsi Gabbard.
01:21:26.000 There's a few that I looked at and I said, like, Tulsi Gabbard.
01:21:29.000 She's young.
01:21:30.000 I could see her running this country.
01:21:31.000 I really could.
01:21:32.000 And I think she would do an amazing job at it.
01:21:34.000 I think she's a genuinely good person and a real leader.
01:21:37.000 And I think, you know, Bernie has some interesting ideas.
01:21:39.000 And I would love to see what would happen if we went, like, with some of those ideas.
01:21:45.000 Particularly, like, fixing inner cities, man.
01:21:48.000 Doing something to fix these crime-ridden, drug-addled...
01:21:54.000 We're good to go.
01:22:12.000 Mental illness and drug rehabilitation and guidance and if that can happen, how does that happen?
01:22:17.000 How do you send people into the depths of Chicago where a lot of the pandemic of that kind of lack of love and pain...
01:22:27.000 It has to be done locally and it has to be done in each individual place by someone who understands the community.
01:22:32.000 It has to be done locally in each individual city.
01:22:36.000 Each individual city has unique problems.
01:22:38.000 I don't think you could use Baltimore's solution on Detroit.
01:22:42.000 I think you have to have your own solution for each individual place based on people that actually understand how it got to where it is and what could be done.
01:22:51.000 And mayors and their regime need to be heroes.
01:22:54.000 They need to be people.
01:22:54.000 And the other thing is, you were saying, you know, you get looked into every single scrap of your life comes up.
01:23:01.000 You did something wrong.
01:23:02.000 You dated someone wrong.
01:23:03.000 You paid someone.
01:23:04.000 You did something.
01:23:04.000 You did drugs sometime.
01:23:06.000 I think that should be right there when you come out of the gate.
01:23:10.000 When you're up for...
01:23:11.000 Just give the schematic on the person.
01:23:15.000 I want to run for president.
01:23:17.000 Here's all the shit I did.
01:23:19.000 Let's Here's my fucking tax evasion.
01:23:22.000 I didn't know she was 19. I didn't know that her mom was my girlfriend.
01:23:29.000 Shit like that.
01:23:31.000 I never put my finger in that dog.
01:23:33.000 That picture is photoshopped.
01:23:35.000 You couldn't help yourself.
01:23:37.000 I don't know.
01:23:38.000 I mean, that's how diseases start.
01:23:42.000 You put your finger in a dog's butt.
01:23:44.000 No, you just get sick.
01:23:46.000 You don't get a disease.
01:23:47.000 Maybe you don't get sick.
01:23:48.000 I think people out there could give a fuck.
01:23:51.000 You know, people out in the mountains looking at their sister.
01:23:55.000 You know, in that way.
01:23:58.000 This is the kind of person I was when I was 21. So Jay Leno's at the store on my first nights in stand-up.
01:24:04.000 Letterman brings me up.
01:24:05.000 That's my old man stories.
01:24:07.000 Wow.
01:24:08.000 So this is my first night.
01:24:10.000 Mitchie said, you got to quit.
01:24:11.000 I was going to USC. What year are we talking here?
01:24:14.000 78. Mitzi said, I was going to go to USC film school.
01:24:18.000 I got into their grad program because I'd won a student Oscar for a documentary I made about my nephew having his face reconstructed.
01:24:24.000 I was going to go serious filmmaking.
01:24:27.000 And that's what I wanted.
01:24:28.000 And I was also a stand-up since I was 17. So Mitzi said...
01:24:32.000 Now, don't go there.
01:24:33.000 Work here.
01:24:34.000 You work here.
01:24:35.000 You're good.
01:24:36.000 I'll put you in.
01:24:36.000 You work here.
01:24:38.000 And you won't get paid, but work here.
01:24:40.000 I went, okay.
01:24:41.000 Because that night when I moved to L.A. and I quit grad school, like the day I quit USC grad school, I went there for three days.
01:24:52.000 I went up at the store.
01:24:54.000 Letterman brought me up.
01:24:55.000 The lineup was Leno, Michael Keaton, Billy Crystal, Jeff Altman, Argus, Pryor went up later in the evening.
01:25:06.000 It was on one fucking night.
01:25:08.000 That's insane.
01:25:09.000 And you're part of the reason that place came back.
01:25:13.000 You and a bunch of the people that came in, you brought it back.
01:25:18.000 I mean, it was not long ago.
01:25:20.000 That place was gone.
01:25:22.000 Yeah, it wasn't looking good.
01:25:23.000 No.
01:25:24.000 It wasn't looking good.
01:25:24.000 No, you did that.
01:25:27.000 That's the empowerment.
01:25:29.000 That takes a strong thing to go wait.
01:25:32.000 This place is history and I like these rooms.
01:25:37.000 I need to do comedy.
01:25:39.000 I want to know what was your decision-making process and how did you find – because you were already on your way to wherever you wanted to make your playground – Well, I was gone for seven years.
01:25:53.000 I was gone from 2007 to 2014. And that was that Carlos Mencia incident that I had at the store.
01:26:01.000 I got banned.
01:26:02.000 And not even by Mitzi.
01:26:04.000 I got banned by the former management.
01:26:06.000 And there's just some weird shit going on behind the scenes.
01:26:10.000 And they had negotiated something with Mencia.
01:26:12.000 Where were you working out before then?
01:26:14.000 I was at the store.
01:26:15.000 I was at the store from 94 to 2007. I moved to LA in 94. And the first thing I did is go to the store.
01:26:22.000 That was Mecca.
01:26:23.000 When I was in Boston and I was an open-miker, I had heard about the store.
01:26:27.000 In 1988, I started.
01:26:28.000 And that was when Sam Kinison was huge.
01:26:31.000 I literally started comedy dreaming.
01:26:34.000 That's right when I left.
01:26:35.000 So I missed you.
01:26:37.000 I missed you.
01:26:37.000 94. Well, I always wanted to ask you what it was like, because when you did Full House, you basically had to stop doing stand-up, because you were on this squeaky clean...
01:26:47.000 I still did it.
01:26:47.000 You still did it?
01:26:48.000 Yeah, and I started to morph, and I started to get really fucked up on stage.
01:26:57.000 Fucked up how?
01:26:59.000 Fucked up on...
01:27:00.000 I would go, okay, that's what I'm doing during the day.
01:27:04.000 And here's...
01:27:05.000 I know when you did NewsRadio, they wanted you not to do stand-up as much.
01:27:10.000 Is that kind of...
01:27:11.000 No, not really.
01:27:12.000 No.
01:27:13.000 The only thing that ever happened on NewsRadio is one of the producers said, why are you still doing a comedy?
01:27:17.000 You're an actor now.
01:27:18.000 Like, it was as if it was a great thing.
01:27:20.000 And I was horrified.
01:27:21.000 I was like, what?
01:27:22.000 Yeah.
01:27:23.000 Ugh!
01:27:24.000 Like, what?
01:27:24.000 Am I going to stop doing stand-up for this?
01:27:27.000 Ugh!
01:27:27.000 That's because they don't understand.
01:27:29.000 They think a lot of people used and used stand-up to get a show, to get a writing gig, to get something.
01:27:36.000 And I'm like, I can't stop being one.
01:27:38.000 I am one.
01:27:39.000 It's part of my hard drive.
01:27:41.000 Well, it was the most fun, too.
01:27:43.000 They were asking me to do this thing that I was basically...
01:27:45.000 I'd never taken any acting classes.
01:27:48.000 I'd just gotten a development deal from MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour.
01:27:52.000 Right.
01:27:52.000 And they said, do you want to be on a sitcom?
01:27:54.000 I'm like, okay.
01:27:55.000 And so they made me get an acting coach, and I took a few classes, but it was really annoying.
01:27:59.000 And then next thing you know, I'm out here in L.A. on a sitcom.
01:28:03.000 And so when they said, why are you doing stand-up?
01:28:05.000 You're in action now.
01:28:06.000 I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?
01:28:08.000 You've never killed.
01:28:09.000 I'm like, you're saying this because you never killed.
01:28:11.000 They also didn't believe in hyphenates at that point.
01:28:14.000 You can't do three things.
01:28:15.000 You can't do four things.
01:28:16.000 I'm sorry, you can only do one thing.
01:28:18.000 That was also when I started working for the UFC. And when I started working for the UFC, they were acting like I was doing porn.
01:28:25.000 They're like, what are you doing?
01:28:26.000 And I was like, yeah, I'm going to Alabama to do post-fight interviews for a cage-fighting event.
01:28:32.000 And they're like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
01:28:34.000 You can't do that.
01:28:34.000 That's because you're a fucking original.
01:28:36.000 They don't know what that is.
01:28:37.000 Well, it was just no one had done it before.
01:28:39.000 Right.
01:28:39.000 There was no comedian slash cage fighting commentators.
01:28:43.000 Find me another one ever.
01:28:45.000 But it was just one of those things where I was like, I don't care.
01:28:48.000 I'm going to do this because I want to do this.
01:28:50.000 But they were like, you really shouldn't do this.
01:28:52.000 This is probably bad for your career.
01:28:53.000 I'm like, whatever.
01:28:55.000 I don't even know what that means.
01:28:56.000 I'm just going to do what I like to do.
01:28:58.000 Tell me again where you had left off about the Mencia thing with the Carlins.
01:29:03.000 So he had made some sort of sneaky backdoor deal with the store to have them ban me, and he would put his name on the marquee, which he never would do before.
01:29:12.000 Like, he would do spots, they would just show up and bump people.
01:29:14.000 That was his thing.
01:29:15.000 He liked to just show up.
01:29:16.000 And he didn't let them put his name on the marquee and sell tickets with his name, because he would do big venues around town.
01:29:21.000 This was around, you know, the Mind of Mencia days.
01:29:24.000 He was a big star.
01:29:25.000 You know, he was selling out large theaters.
01:29:28.000 He was doing really well.
01:29:30.000 And I wasn't doing as well with stand-up.
01:29:33.000 I was on Fear Factor, and I was doing pretty good with comedy, but I was mostly doing clubs.
01:29:38.000 He was more advanced career-wise, if I'm being honest.
01:29:41.000 And so when they said that to me that I was banned, And I knew it was wrong.
01:29:48.000 I'm like, I know...
01:29:49.000 I go, you guys are...
01:29:50.000 You sell art.
01:29:52.000 You sell art.
01:29:53.000 This is what you sell.
01:29:54.000 Like, you have an art store.
01:29:56.000 It's a spoken art.
01:29:58.000 And you are...
01:29:59.000 You're basically taking the side of someone who's stealing.
01:30:04.000 A vampire.
01:30:05.000 You give a vampire of all the other performers, not just a vampire, but someone who, if you were going on stage, he would go on before you and do your closing bit and then bring you up.
01:30:15.000 There was a lot of dark shit going on.
01:30:17.000 People were scared.
01:30:18.000 They had lights they would flick in the back of the room when he was there to let you know if you were on stage.
01:30:23.000 Guys would just stop doing their act.
01:30:24.000 I wasn't there for any of that.
01:30:26.000 It was not good.
01:30:26.000 It was not good.
01:30:27.000 It was accentuated by his celebrity.
01:30:31.000 When he became famous, it got way worse.
01:30:33.000 But it always existed.
01:30:34.000 He was always a thief.
01:30:36.000 And so I said, okay, I'm not coming back.
01:30:40.000 I'm letting you know.
01:30:41.000 You think this is going to be a two-week deal or something like this?
01:30:43.000 You can go fuck yourself.
01:30:44.000 I'm not coming back.
01:30:45.000 So just make this decision.
01:30:48.000 Understand, this is not a temporary thing where you're going to ban me for a little while.
01:30:53.000 And I'm going back and forth with the manager.
01:30:55.000 I go, don't tell me Mitzi said.
01:30:57.000 Because I was on the phone with Mitzi an hour ago before this.
01:31:00.000 And I told Mitzi what was going on.
01:31:02.000 I told Mitzi that we were going to...
01:31:04.000 Make this video about him stealing material because it was a horrible situation there.
01:31:08.000 And I told her, I'm like, I go, you know, this is just what it is.
01:31:12.000 She goes, all right, just keep away from them.
01:31:14.000 She goes, when you want to go up?
01:31:16.000 And I go, when do you want to put me up?
01:31:17.000 She goes, all right, how about 1030?
01:31:19.000 I go, perfect.
01:31:19.000 I love you.
01:31:20.000 She goes, I love you too.
01:31:21.000 It's the last time I talked to her.
01:31:23.000 Last time I talked to her.
01:31:24.000 And then they call me an hour later and say I'm banned.
01:31:26.000 And I'm like, what are you talking about?
01:31:27.000 I just got off the phone with Mitzi.
01:31:28.000 I go, who's running the fucking store?
01:31:30.000 You're running the store?
01:31:32.000 You're running the store.
01:31:33.000 I work for you?
01:31:34.000 Get the fuck out of here.
01:31:35.000 And so I got furious and I just started working the improv and I did the Ice House and...
01:31:41.000 I just said, okay, this is what I do now.
01:31:43.000 I don't work at the store anymore.
01:31:44.000 And I put the store's phone number on my blog and told everybody the whole story.
01:31:50.000 And I'm like, feel free to call them and let them know how you feel.
01:31:53.000 And it was a ghost town there for years.
01:31:55.000 It became a wreck.
01:31:57.000 Yeah, it did.
01:31:58.000 I crashed that place.
01:31:59.000 Years.
01:32:00.000 So what brought you back?
01:32:02.000 Ari Shaffir was doing his comedy special.
01:32:05.000 He was filming.
01:32:06.000 And Adam Egott.
01:32:07.000 You know, Adam, I'd known Adam.
01:32:09.000 I like Adam.
01:32:09.000 I love Adam.
01:32:10.000 And he was, he'd been on the podcast before, too.
01:32:14.000 I've seen him.
01:32:15.000 Adam was at the Tempe Improv years before that, and I became friends with him when I worked there.
01:32:21.000 And then he came over and started being the talent coordinator at the store, and then he came to visit me at the improv.
01:32:26.000 He said, we'd love to have you at the store.
01:32:27.000 He's like, Tommy doesn't work there anymore.
01:32:29.000 He's gone.
01:32:30.000 It was the manager that I had the issue with.
01:32:31.000 Right.
01:32:32.000 And Mincy had long been just...
01:32:35.000 He had long been...
01:32:37.000 Outcast from the comedy community like that video and the subsequent all these other comedians coming out and telling stories about him Everything fell apart and this is what I told them was gonna happen.
01:32:47.000 I was like this is not it's not gonna go away.
01:32:49.000 This is real.
01:32:51.000 This is not like People make mistakes.
01:32:54.000 They accidentally do someone's bit because they forget it was someone's bit or you come up with the same thing people yeah, there's a lot but There's good people and then there's people that are victimizing people and he was one of those that was victimizing people and with the worst I've ever seen and so this had happened and I knew when Adam came to visit me at the improv I knew Well,
01:33:18.000 I knew Adam was a good guy.
01:33:19.000 And I'd thought about it.
01:33:21.000 But I was like, I can't.
01:33:22.000 I'm not.
01:33:22.000 I can't.
01:33:23.000 I can't go back there.
01:33:24.000 And then Ari was doing his special.
01:33:26.000 And Ari was filming his special in the OR. And Ari was one of my best friends.
01:33:32.000 And I had been friends with Ari from the time that he was a doorman.
01:33:36.000 And I was like he had gone through this journey of being a doorman to I started taking him on the road with me So I take him on the road and we would do all these gigs together and now here he is He's got his own television show and he's doing a fucking Comedy Central special and he's filming it at the store I'm like I gotta be there So I came there on Tuesday night.
01:33:55.000 He was filming on Wednesday.
01:33:56.000 I came there on Tuesday night, and I was there for Roast Battle.
01:34:00.000 And Jeff Ross introduced me to the crowd, and I got to see Roast Battle, and it was wild.
01:34:07.000 Roast Battle was wild.
01:34:08.000 It was so beautiful.
01:34:10.000 It was creative, and it was fun, and it was packed.
01:34:13.000 I was there one night being a judge.
01:34:15.000 Jeff brought me and said, Bob, you've got to come down.
01:34:17.000 You don't know.
01:34:18.000 It was so cool.
01:34:19.000 Yeah, it's wonderful.
01:34:20.000 If it comes back, it still is so cool.
01:34:22.000 It'll come back.
01:34:23.000 And then the next night I came back and I saw Ari.
01:34:27.000 I watched Ari film a special, and then I said, okay, I'm going to start doing shows.
01:34:32.000 And so I think a couple days later, I did my first show back there.
01:34:38.000 And that was it.
01:34:39.000 Then you were there.
01:34:40.000 You were playing almost every night of the week, right?
01:34:42.000 I was there a lot, yeah.
01:34:44.000 Until the lockdown, I was there many days a week.
01:34:47.000 I'm going to come back and do it right and sign up, put my name on the thing.
01:34:50.000 I do drop-ins, but they're five minutes.
01:34:52.000 No, you don't want to drop-in.
01:34:54.000 I don't.
01:34:55.000 I don't.
01:34:55.000 I want to do sets.
01:34:56.000 When I was doing the drop-in, I wasn't sure.
01:35:00.000 I wasn't sure that I wanted to...
01:35:02.000 Go up and be part of a lineup.
01:35:04.000 Is it competitive?
01:35:05.000 Do people take your stuff?
01:35:07.000 Do people...
01:35:08.000 No, there's none of that there now.
01:35:09.000 There's none of that.
01:35:10.000 That was my PTSD from eight years.
01:35:14.000 Right.
01:35:15.000 And I had a love affair with Mitzi.
01:35:17.000 I was like a nephew to her.
01:35:18.000 So I was kind of like family.
01:35:20.000 Even at her funeral, I was like family.
01:35:24.000 Even though I hadn't been around.
01:35:25.000 But there was one time in Vegas...
01:35:28.000 Where I had a weird experience, and I was trying to keep somebody sober, and I had to stay up all night to keep them sober so that she didn't find out.
01:35:38.000 And as a result, I hadn't slept, and I had a week set in Vegas at the Dunes.
01:35:43.000 And then after the set, she came backstage and said, you've lost it.
01:35:46.000 You're not funny anymore.
01:35:48.000 Oh, no.
01:35:49.000 And that was like, you don't say that to a sensitive Jew comic neurotic motherfucker.
01:35:54.000 She didn't give a fuck, though, dude.
01:35:56.000 She had zero filter.
01:35:57.000 No, and you know what happened?
01:36:00.000 It hurt me, and it's just like you teaching martial arts to the kids.
01:36:05.000 It's like, well, I better get fucking funny.
01:36:09.000 I better get funny again.
01:36:11.000 You can't have an excuse.
01:36:14.000 No, there ain't no excuses.
01:36:16.000 And I just worked harder and harder.
01:36:18.000 And now, I mean, I want to do...
01:36:21.000 I might do some drive-ins.
01:36:22.000 I don't know what I'm going to do.
01:36:24.000 But I'm enjoying the podcast thing because I get to...
01:36:27.000 And I call people and talk to them.
01:36:29.000 And that's an interplay with people.
01:36:31.000 You get to fuck around a little.
01:36:32.000 And I have some guests that you've had that I love, people that are friends.
01:36:36.000 But the point is, I'm born this.
01:36:39.000 I'm born to do this.
01:36:41.000 You're born to do this.
01:36:43.000 And she taught me something, and she loved me, and I loved her.
01:36:48.000 But she got really sick, so it was really tragic.
01:36:54.000 Some people hated her, and some people loved her all the way to the end.
01:36:59.000 I loved her.
01:37:00.000 I know.
01:37:01.000 She helped me.
01:37:02.000 Yeah, she helped me too, man.
01:37:05.000 If it wasn't for her...
01:37:07.000 When I became a paid regular, that was like the most important day of my life at that moment.
01:37:11.000 I was like, holy shit, I'm a real comedian.
01:37:13.000 I'm a paid regular at the comedy store.
01:37:15.000 See, I didn't know what that meant.
01:37:16.000 I showed up one night, and then they put on the website, Bob Saget, paid regular.
01:37:20.000 And I wrote to the – emailed – I don't know, I texted somebody, whoever did the thing.
01:37:26.000 I went, you don't have to call me a paid regular.
01:37:28.000 I mean – You know, you can just say I showed up, can't you?
01:37:30.000 He goes, no, no, you don't understand.
01:37:31.000 It's an honor.
01:37:32.000 I'm like, but I don't take the pay.
01:37:34.000 I never take the pay.
01:37:36.000 I'm a paid regular.
01:37:37.000 But I didn't realize it is a rite of passage like a badge of honor.
01:37:42.000 It is just stripes.
01:37:42.000 It was something special.
01:37:43.000 It was something important.
01:37:45.000 When that happened, I was like, oh, my God.
01:37:47.000 Because, like I said, when I started out in 88, the comedy store was Mecca.
01:37:52.000 That was the place.
01:37:53.000 I wanted to be there.
01:37:55.000 That was where Richard Pryor performed.
01:37:56.000 That was where Kinison performed.
01:37:58.000 That was where Hicks performed.
01:37:59.000 I wanted to go there.
01:38:00.000 And when I was there, I was actually there.
01:38:02.000 It was a dark time, man.
01:38:03.000 I was there in 94. It was a shithole.
01:38:05.000 Oh, it was fucking...
01:38:07.000 I went in when it was over.
01:38:08.000 I went in.
01:38:09.000 It was empty.
01:38:10.000 I mean, you know, 20 people...
01:38:12.000 It was socially distanced.
01:38:13.000 Well, it was a bad run for about six years where it wasn't very good from 94 to around 2000. And somewhere around 2000, it started picking up again.
01:38:25.000 Paulie really stepped in and Peter.
01:38:27.000 Peter did a lot, right?
01:38:28.000 Well, it was just better talent started coming around.
01:38:31.000 Right.
01:38:31.000 That's all it was.
01:38:32.000 It's like there was a lot of guys who would...
01:38:34.000 I think there was a wake.
01:38:35.000 This is my own personal theory, and I'm only basing it on the timeline of Kinnison's death.
01:38:41.000 Kinnison left the comedy store somewhere around like 90, and then he died somewhere around like 92, somewhere around there, 93. And then...
01:38:53.000 You know, so many guys had gone off and done sitcoms and like Jim Carrey had gone off and done movies and in Living Color and there wasn't that many people there.
01:39:04.000 And then there was also a lot of really bad talent.
01:39:07.000 There was a lot of guys who were bodacks.
01:39:09.000 That is a fact.
01:39:10.000 There are people that could have been accountants and instead chose comedy as a career and they learned how to walk the stage and they learned how to hold the mic and they learned how to talk to the audience.
01:39:20.000 Right.
01:39:20.000 They're like a plumber.
01:39:21.000 They learn to trade.
01:39:22.000 And they weren't even good at it.
01:39:24.000 They're the plumber you don't want.
01:39:25.000 The plumber that's going to blow your toilet up.
01:39:27.000 Yeah.
01:39:27.000 The plumber puts the wrong gasket and it runs.
01:39:30.000 So I saw a lot of those guys.
01:39:31.000 And it was really disappointing.
01:39:34.000 One of my first nights there, I remember, there was like 15, 20 people in the audience.
01:39:38.000 The acts were terrible.
01:39:40.000 I was like, this is so weird.
01:39:41.000 This is the comedy story?
01:39:42.000 This is awful.
01:39:43.000 That's why I stayed away.
01:39:43.000 Because it made me sad.
01:39:45.000 But then every now and then, like, Martin Lawrence would show up.
01:39:48.000 Every now and then, Damon Wayans would show up.
01:39:50.000 Every now and then, Dom Herrera would show up.
01:39:52.000 Every now and then, someone would show up and crush.
01:39:54.000 I showed up.
01:39:55.000 I wasn't there when you were there.
01:39:56.000 That sucks.
01:39:57.000 I didn't see you there for many, many years.
01:40:00.000 Many years.
01:40:01.000 But that's why I was asking about, like, the Full House days.
01:40:04.000 Was it hard?
01:40:05.000 Oh, that's interesting, because it'll bring...
01:40:07.000 Because you were...
01:40:08.000 You had a dirty act...
01:40:10.000 It wasn't as blue until after, and Full House and the video show were simultaneous, and they were family, you know, 7 o'clock at night on a Sunday, I'm hosting videos.
01:40:21.000 I can't say, here's another fucking video.
01:40:23.000 You know, you can't do that.
01:40:24.000 And I didn't say fuck that much.
01:40:26.000 In fact, a few years ago, Dice called me.
01:40:27.000 He goes, Saget, I gotta tell you something.
01:40:29.000 We gotta see each other.
01:40:30.000 But also, you know what?
01:40:31.000 Man, you stole my shit after Full House ended.
01:40:36.000 You stole my...
01:40:37.000 I said, what did I steal?
01:40:38.000 Well, you didn't used to say fuck as much.
01:40:41.000 I still fucked.
01:40:42.000 Was he joking?
01:40:44.000 Kind of, but not really.
01:40:46.000 But then he wanted to tour with me, so it was kind of like...
01:40:48.000 Dice is always half-pranking you.
01:40:51.000 I love him.
01:40:52.000 He's always half-fucking with you.
01:40:53.000 I started going on the road because of Dice.
01:40:55.000 I was just doing the store, and this is when I was on news radio.
01:40:58.000 And one day, we're in the background, and he goes, Hey, you should go on the road.
01:41:03.000 And I'm like, yeah?
01:41:04.000 And he goes, yeah, you're funny.
01:41:05.000 He goes, you don't want to be fucking beholding these cocksuckers.
01:41:09.000 He goes, these motherfuckers and their movies and their shows.
01:41:12.000 He goes, you go on the road and you make a good living.
01:41:15.000 And I was thinking about it.
01:41:16.000 I was like, why don't I go on the road?
01:41:17.000 So I just started booking gigs.
01:41:18.000 I literally just listened to him.
01:41:20.000 Because first of all, you know, I'm 27 years old.
01:41:22.000 I can't believe Dice is talking to me.
01:41:24.000 And I'm like, I'm talking to Dice.
01:41:25.000 And then he tells me to go on the road.
01:41:27.000 I was like, he's right.
01:41:28.000 Why don't I go on the road?
01:41:29.000 So I started doing gigs here and there.
01:41:32.000 You know?
01:41:33.000 And then when I really started going on the road, like, really, was when I left the store.
01:41:40.000 That 2007 time when I left the store, that's when I started touring.
01:41:44.000 That's when I really started touring.
01:41:46.000 Because I was kind of angry, too.
01:41:48.000 I was like, you know, I put all that time into that place, and I thought what we were doing, like, that Mencia thing, I thought that was, we're doing the right thing.
01:41:57.000 I thought that was a real problem.
01:41:59.000 And so when that was the reaction, I was like, okay.
01:42:02.000 I'm gonna show you motherfuckers.
01:42:03.000 I had this this attitude like I'm gonna show you and Then I did my best work.
01:42:08.000 There's nothing wrong with that.
01:42:10.000 Yeah, that was my best work was after that because I was you know my best my first real big special was 2009 which is two years after that and then You know and I don't have any hate for that dude and I hope he gets better like I hope he's doing great.
01:42:27.000 I really do I think he has learned his lesson.
01:42:31.000 I hope he has.
01:42:32.000 I hope people forgive him, too.
01:42:34.000 I think that's a problem.
01:42:36.000 You know, I think...
01:42:37.000 Many people have had it, you know.
01:42:40.000 Some very famous people have had it.
01:42:41.000 No, I don't mean that.
01:42:43.000 Yeah, many people have had that, like Robin, right?
01:42:45.000 You know, a lot of people had that.
01:42:47.000 And his loss is so...
01:42:49.000 And his talent is so gigantic that he was just a vacuum cleaner of stuff.
01:42:55.000 Robin.
01:42:56.000 Yeah.
01:42:56.000 And I loved him beyond.
01:42:58.000 Yeah, he was.
01:43:00.000 He was a different thing.
01:43:02.000 Yeah, he's from every hundred years of Robin Williams comes here.
01:43:06.000 This is what...
01:43:09.000 You brought up what was going on doing those family shows and then doing stand-up.
01:43:14.000 Richard Jenny comes into play here.
01:43:16.000 It's kind of an interesting thing that you brought him up because he hits me in the solar plexus.
01:43:20.000 I did a special while the two shows were in the top ten.
01:43:24.000 Full House and America's Funniest Home Videos.
01:43:26.000 Those long names to say.
01:43:27.000 They sound like I'm saying porn when I say the names of those shows.
01:43:30.000 That's like dirty to me.
01:43:32.000 Full House.
01:43:32.000 Oh, that's so filthy, Bob.
01:43:34.000 But I love doing family entertainment.
01:43:37.000 That's my...
01:43:39.000 Many different sides.
01:43:41.000 I love doing stuff the whole family can watch together.
01:43:43.000 I don't look at that and go, oh, fuck that.
01:43:46.000 That's bullshit.
01:43:47.000 That's not the cynical guy that can come out and be blue for the sake of blue.
01:43:52.000 I wasn't blue for the sake of blue.
01:43:54.000 I just did what I did.
01:43:56.000 Just like you did what you did.
01:43:58.000 Your UFC stuff.
01:44:00.000 It's like...
01:44:01.000 I wasn't doing anything athletic.
01:44:05.000 But I did an HBO special, and it did well in the ratings or whatever, but it was not good, and I made it so you can't see it.
01:44:15.000 And Richard Jenny loved it.
01:44:17.000 And he would say to me, I loved that special.
01:44:20.000 And I was...
01:44:22.000 I was saying fuck in it, but it was like an hour long and it took a half an hour.
01:44:26.000 It was about me being in a dream, missing my gig.
01:44:30.000 So I was trying to make a film because I wanted to be a filmmaker.
01:44:33.000 And then the next half hour was basically a half hour of stand-up.
01:44:36.000 And I just didn't do any of it right, you know?
01:44:40.000 But there were a couple really funny moments and a couple good bits.
01:44:45.000 And Richard told me he thought it was one of the funniest specials and most invented that he'd ever seen.
01:44:51.000 And I was always thrown by that.
01:44:53.000 And I started to get more like, well, what do I want to do in stand-up?
01:44:58.000 And I was like...
01:45:00.000 I just want to make people laugh.
01:45:02.000 I just want to...
01:45:02.000 And then when the shows ended, I started directing some stuff, and then I did a special called That Ain't Right, and that was the HBO special that upset a lot of people and also put me in Rolling Stone and Newsweek and all these things.
01:45:17.000 That was because it was dirty.
01:45:19.000 It upset people.
01:45:19.000 I said fuck a lot because I was at...
01:45:21.000 But subject matter as well, no?
01:45:23.000 Yeah, a little bit.
01:45:24.000 I used fuck as a verb a few times.
01:45:26.000 I don't...
01:45:28.000 You know, if it's expressive.
01:45:30.000 Right, but it was your...
01:45:32.000 It's what I found funny.
01:45:34.000 It upset people because that's what you had always been doing, but they didn't expect that out of you because they wanted Full House and America's Funniest Home Videos.
01:45:41.000 But who would go to see that?
01:45:42.000 What am I going to do?
01:45:43.000 Hug people and clean?
01:45:44.000 Yeah.
01:45:45.000 Well, they wanted that sort of Howie Mandel thing.
01:45:48.000 But Howie's blue?
01:45:49.000 He is blue sometimes, but not anymore.
01:45:52.000 No, he's still...
01:45:52.000 But he doesn't stand up.
01:45:53.000 I saw him at the Laugh Factory.
01:45:55.000 He was actually talking about the dangers of doing a bit that could get him fired from the show.
01:46:00.000 Oh.
01:46:00.000 He actually talked about that on stage, that if he says anything wrong...
01:46:04.000 I mean, he's on the squeakiest of squeaky family entertainment.
01:46:07.000 You know, he went from deal or no deal to this other thing that he's doing now.
01:46:11.000 What is he?
01:46:11.000 America's Got Talent?
01:46:12.000 Yeah.
01:46:13.000 Yeah.
01:46:14.000 I've been talking to him a lot.
01:46:16.000 He's a great guy.
01:46:17.000 He's a great guy and he's had a lot of mental health issues that he talked about in a book and his OCD is just the outskirts of it.
01:46:24.000 How bad is it now with the fucking coronavirus?
01:46:27.000 He's holding on.
01:46:28.000 A germaphobe.
01:46:29.000 Yeah.
01:46:30.000 To have the whole world.
01:46:30.000 Right till he's so, by the way.
01:46:32.000 Somebody wrote that down.
01:46:33.000 The whole world is Howie Mandel now.
01:46:36.000 Yeah, I said something like he's a prophet.
01:46:38.000 I forget who it was.
01:46:40.000 I forget who wrote.
01:46:41.000 Maybe it was Gaffigan?
01:46:42.000 Someone said that like that.
01:46:44.000 Someone had a quote like that.
01:46:45.000 I love Jim.
01:46:46.000 Yeah, he's great.
01:46:47.000 But anyway, so, you know, I don't know why people think that you're like a character.
01:46:53.000 You play in something.
01:46:54.000 Well, because you played that character for so long, and this was pre-social media, this was pre-podcast.
01:47:02.000 They just associated...
01:47:04.000 Look, Bill Cosby, okay?
01:47:05.000 For the longest time, people thought Bill Cosby was this sweet guy.
01:47:09.000 Bill always was offended that I talked blue on stage, because he said, you don't need it.
01:47:13.000 And when I would see him, I would almost hear Lucky saying, motherfucker, in between...
01:47:19.000 What did Bill Cosby think about Kinison?
01:47:21.000 I want to know that.
01:47:22.000 I would have loved to have seen that.
01:47:23.000 I'm sure he just disapproved anything blue.
01:47:27.000 But the truth is, look what he acted out in his real life.
01:47:30.000 But that's probably why.
01:47:32.000 That is why.
01:47:33.000 That's the boys club that he was in.
01:47:36.000 My boys club, or...
01:47:38.000 I hate to say that because it's so misogynistic.
01:47:40.000 But it was a guy that looks like...
01:47:43.000 I know what I look like.
01:47:44.000 I look like your dentist, your accountant, or somebody...
01:47:47.000 Maybe your gynecologist, if it's a good week.
01:47:50.000 Not yours.
01:47:51.000 But I'll continue, I swear.
01:47:54.000 I just had a moment of doing like 10 of those that go nowhere.
01:47:57.000 But the truth of it is, for me to say that is the joke.
01:48:02.000 And that gets nowhere also.
01:48:05.000 So I have to have content...
01:48:07.000 And the more specials I did and the more I've done stand-up, like I was about to shoot a new one this year.
01:48:13.000 I've got like an hour and a half of stuff.
01:48:15.000 Of course, everybody's going to have 12 minutes of COVID. But I don't know what it's going to be.
01:48:20.000 But it was really...
01:48:22.000 I was about to talk about racial injustice ready to go because I've got all this stuff when I was a kid and segregation and I was living it and didn't understand it when I was six, seven years old in Virginia.
01:48:34.000 So it was like I started to have much more intent in what I want to do right now and make people laugh.
01:48:43.000 I've got to throw a dick joke in just to make myself happy.
01:48:45.000 Well, stand-up comedy is supposed to be here's the world through my eyes.
01:48:48.000 Whenever some other comic comes along and tells you not to do your version of reality, they can go eat shit.
01:48:55.000 And usually there's something wrong with them.
01:48:57.000 And that's obviously the case with Bill Cosby.
01:48:59.000 There's something wrong with him.
01:49:00.000 100%.
01:49:01.000 His need to have everyone deliver this G-rated comedy.
01:49:07.000 He had some dark, dark shit going on in the back of his head.
01:49:11.000 And I fucking looked up to him so much.
01:49:15.000 When I was young, I'd watch him on I Spy with Robert Culp.
01:49:18.000 And you probably didn't watch it back because I'm older.
01:49:21.000 He was so great.
01:49:23.000 And then, you know, he...
01:49:26.000 Got his doctorate after just two years.
01:49:29.000 They gave him a free one at Temple.
01:49:31.000 I went to Temple University also, but I graduated, and I didn't, you know, tranquilize people and ejaculate on them.
01:49:38.000 Congratulations.
01:49:38.000 Thank you for the non-ejaculation clause.
01:49:41.000 But he, you know, you can't preach and then be full of shit.
01:49:46.000 Well, that's what he got away with for his whole life, though, I think.
01:49:49.000 That's how he, like, covered his tracks.
01:49:51.000 Like, nobody would believe it.
01:49:52.000 Who raped you?
01:49:54.000 Bill Cosby?
01:49:55.000 Oh, go on.
01:49:56.000 There's no way.
01:49:57.000 That's what they would think.
01:49:58.000 I know.
01:49:59.000 I guarantee you that was part of what the hustle was.
01:50:01.000 It's like a priest.
01:50:02.000 Like, if no one knew that priests raped kids, and then you came home and said, Mom, the priest raped me, your mom would be like, what the fuck are you talking about?
01:50:10.000 They're the Boy Scouts.
01:50:10.000 Look, I mean, there's a fucking ad right now.
01:50:12.000 Yeah.
01:50:12.000 I can't believe there's an ad.
01:50:14.000 I'm glad there's an ad.
01:50:15.000 What do you mean there's an ad?
01:50:16.000 It's a commercial.
01:50:17.000 If you've been sexually molested by a Scoutmaster.
01:50:20.000 Yeah.
01:50:21.000 So all this shit, that's...
01:50:24.000 That's the cleaning that seems to be happening that's positive.
01:50:27.000 That people are getting called on stuff that's been going on for thousands of years.
01:50:32.000 And in this country for hundreds of years.
01:50:35.000 And terrible, terrible, terrible shit.
01:50:38.000 So that's a good calling out.
01:50:41.000 That's a good...
01:50:43.000 Well, this calling out is one way to look at it, but what's really happening is the lines between reality, truth, information, and people.
01:50:55.000 How accessible is truth?
01:51:00.000 There's way less distance to travel to find out reality than there used to be.
01:51:05.000 And we're remapping our version of the world because of that.
01:51:10.000 And, you know, this is what we're seeing with everything, with police brutality.
01:51:14.000 It's what we're seeing with taxes.
01:51:16.000 It's what we're seeing with government and the environment and, you know, climate change and fill in the blank.
01:51:24.000 Every single problem in the world.
01:51:26.000 The pandemic is just a giant fucking representation of all of it.
01:51:31.000 Well, it's a wake-up call to all of us that there has been way less...
01:51:37.000 Funding and planning and strategy to deal with pandemic viruses than should have ever been put in place.
01:51:43.000 Bill Gates warned us about this in 2015. I know a lot of people think Bill Gates is the devil now for some reason.
01:51:48.000 Have you been paying attention to that?
01:51:50.000 Yeah.
01:51:50.000 They think Bill Gates is like trying to depopulate the world or some shit.
01:51:55.000 I don't know.
01:51:56.000 I don't know whether to get off Facebook, TikTok.
01:51:59.000 I don't know.
01:51:59.000 Get off all of them.
01:52:00.000 There's a guy when they were trying to keep Huntington Beach or Long Beach open.
01:52:04.000 No, it wasn't Long Beach.
01:52:05.000 Was it Huntington Beach?
01:52:07.000 It was Huntington Beach.
01:52:07.000 It's a Republican area, right?
01:52:09.000 So they had all these people in the street.
01:52:11.000 We're not going to wear a mask.
01:52:12.000 We're not going to stay inside.
01:52:13.000 It was the early days of the pandemic.
01:52:15.000 And this guy is going, you know, do not wear a mask.
01:52:18.000 Do not give in.
01:52:19.000 Bill Gates is the devil.
01:52:20.000 Yeah.
01:52:20.000 He's got a fucking bullhorn.
01:52:22.000 He was yelling, this is like pre-George Floyd, all that shit.
01:52:25.000 And I remember that to me topped off the madness of that particular moment.
01:52:30.000 Like Bill Gates the devil.
01:52:32.000 The guy who made Microsoft?
01:52:33.000 The guy who wears sweaters.
01:52:37.000 Yeah.
01:52:38.000 Bill Gates is the devil.
01:52:40.000 That's a funny sound bite.
01:52:41.000 It was crazy to listen to.
01:52:43.000 But so many people do believe that.
01:52:44.000 We're all over the fucking place.
01:52:46.000 People are all over.
01:52:47.000 And it's like one side's over here so liberal that I'm not allowed to say anything.
01:52:53.000 I'm talking about just how, not as a narcissist, but as a human.
01:52:56.000 Artists, how it affects me, how it affects you.
01:52:58.000 And then everybody's over here so far right.
01:53:01.000 It's fundamentalists on both sides.
01:53:03.000 Can't we just cut off the little hands on each side and just have just a – or can't everybody have a – there has to be a dream discourse.
01:53:12.000 It's not going to happen.
01:53:13.000 This is how change happens.
01:53:16.000 You have to have pollers.
01:53:18.000 You have to have polar opposites.
01:53:19.000 Yes.
01:53:20.000 This is just a natural...
01:53:21.000 It's like fundamentalism.
01:53:22.000 And it is.
01:53:23.000 It's the same thing you see on the left as you see on the right.
01:53:26.000 Their ideology varies.
01:53:28.000 But what their goal is is the same.
01:53:30.000 Their goal is compliance.
01:53:31.000 They want you to listen.
01:53:32.000 They want to have power and control.
01:53:34.000 And then there's people that are fairly reasonable that can see other people's perspectives that lean towards the middle.
01:53:40.000 Those are the healthy people.
01:53:41.000 But these people that want you to use 78 different gender pronouns and they only want to give money to...
01:53:48.000 Keep up.
01:53:48.000 I make so many mistakes.
01:53:50.000 It's not mistakes, man.
01:53:51.000 Well, I did a thing in Austin, which we both love, and I did a thing for the Ally Coalition.
01:53:58.000 And it's for the LG... I always fuck it up.
01:54:02.000 It's LGBTQ. But Q is questioning or queer.
01:54:07.000 It changes.
01:54:08.000 Yeah.
01:54:09.000 It's questioning now?
01:54:10.000 Or queer.
01:54:11.000 At that moment it was.
01:54:13.000 And then A now.
01:54:13.000 You know A's in there too?
01:54:14.000 What is that?
01:54:15.000 Asexual.
01:54:16.000 They got thrown in the mix.
01:54:17.000 I'm fine with that.
01:54:18.000 I did a joke at that.
01:54:20.000 They're a gang.
01:54:21.000 I did it for them because they're a wonderful organization that helps a lot of people.
01:54:26.000 And I loved it.
01:54:28.000 And I was with Jay Farrow, who I loved being with.
01:54:32.000 A bunch of comedians were on the thing and I was, I guess, the headliner of the thing that they brought in.
01:54:38.000 This gorgeous structure.
01:54:39.000 I don't know if you've seen it.
01:54:40.000 It looks like the inside of a Mac store, but it's outdoors in Austin.
01:54:43.000 It's like a monolithic looking cool thing.
01:54:47.000 So I made a joke, something about LGB. I did all the letters and then I said, that's my record locator on my flight.
01:54:54.000 And that got an awful quiet response, and I didn't understand it because I'm with them, but I'm not making fun of them.
01:55:05.000 I'm part of them.
01:55:06.000 Maybe the joke just wasn't that good.
01:55:08.000 I think so from your response.
01:55:11.000 It's possible, too.
01:55:12.000 You're carrying it around in your head.
01:55:13.000 But then I did a song about transitioning that I'd written for the event.
01:55:19.000 Transitioning what?
01:55:20.000 To a female?
01:55:21.000 From a male to a female.
01:55:22.000 And me having a relationship.
01:55:24.000 Because I do comedy music in a purest way.
01:55:26.000 Because I love writing songs and singing.
01:55:29.000 And I've always done that in my stand-up.
01:55:31.000 I started as a musical act that we would all ridicule.
01:55:36.000 And I had to pull before I got to the end of it because it was just...
01:55:41.000 It got quieter and I heard crickets and I felt so bad because I was doing it as saying...
01:55:48.000 Hold on, hold on.
01:55:48.000 Stop, stop.
01:55:49.000 Does that do well in clubs, that bit?
01:55:51.000 Yeah, it was killing.
01:55:52.000 I did it on a special.
01:55:53.000 But you're doing it at an LBGTQA positive event?
01:55:58.000 That's because I'm a fucking moron.
01:56:00.000 And I care about people more...
01:56:02.000 I care about all human beings.
01:56:05.000 I don't have a racist bone in my...
01:56:07.000 I don't understand anything.
01:56:09.000 I'm an idiot.
01:56:10.000 I'm a fucking...
01:56:11.000 What?
01:56:11.000 I heard your dick's racist.
01:56:12.000 My dick is so...
01:56:14.000 Don't!
01:56:16.000 Thank you.
01:56:18.000 Thank you.
01:56:19.000 You saved me.
01:56:20.000 You know, my dick spits at racism.
01:56:23.000 But you know that that's not a comedy.
01:56:25.000 Look, I don't do any sort of benefit.
01:56:28.000 And the reason why, I just donate money.
01:56:30.000 I don't do benefits, because it's not a good place for comedy.
01:56:32.000 But my sister died of scleroderma, and I do...
01:56:34.000 But donate money.
01:56:35.000 No, but would you do a tape for my viral event in October of three minutes on tape?
01:56:40.000 I wouldn't do acrobatics.
01:56:42.000 She died, Joe.
01:56:42.000 She died.
01:56:43.000 Listen to me.
01:56:44.000 I wouldn't do acrobatics in a benefit to help people with spina bifida.
01:56:50.000 No, no, but spina bifida is hilarious, by the way.
01:56:52.000 I don't know if you've had it.
01:56:53.000 No.
01:56:53.000 Or people that are crippled.
01:56:56.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:56:58.000 You're doing comedy in an event where people are talking about a serious issue that maybe they've been maligned and misgendered and just fucking disenfranchised their whole life.
01:57:11.000 And then you're on stage telling...
01:57:13.000 You know, a questionable joke that wasn't your best joke, and then a song about transitioning, and you're wondering why they're not laughing.
01:57:21.000 It's not funny to them.
01:57:22.000 Because it's not a comedy show.
01:57:24.000 You're doing comedy at a thing.
01:57:26.000 Why weren't you in my life sooner?
01:57:28.000 Will you manage me?
01:57:29.000 No.
01:57:31.000 I'll be here for advice though if you want to call me up.
01:57:33.000 Here's the thing.
01:57:33.000 The thing I do, I'm part of the Scleroderma Research Foundation because my sister died of this disease.
01:57:38.000 What is this disease?
01:57:39.000 It's a hardening of the skin.
01:57:42.000 Sclero means hardening and derma means skin.
01:57:46.000 And a lot of people have it.
01:57:48.000 Different people.
01:57:49.000 A lot of people.
01:57:49.000 And proportionately hits people of African descent not unlike coronavirus.
01:57:55.000 It hits the lungs.
01:57:57.000 Queen Latifah's mother passed away from it.
01:57:59.000 I know other people who've Had it.
01:58:04.000 And I lost my sister and my dear friend, and the first person to ever do the benefit was Robin Williams.
01:58:09.000 And he did it seven times afterward, and we've raised $53 million.
01:58:13.000 And we're curing people.
01:58:15.000 That's amazing.
01:58:16.000 People are getting into remission.
01:58:18.000 What do they do for the cure?
01:58:20.000 There's new therapies.
01:58:22.000 My sister was mistreated and guinea-pigged.
01:58:25.000 They gave her cortisone and prednisone, which drives you fucking nuts.
01:58:30.000 They just tested stuff.
01:58:32.000 And the rheumatologist that did it to her is no longer alive.
01:58:35.000 And how do you sue somebody that didn't know what he was doing?
01:58:39.000 But now there's centers at Johns Hopkins and at UCSF and Stanford.
01:58:44.000 And they're really new drugs, like really great ones.
01:58:48.000 So it's always been a comedy benefit.
01:58:49.000 And there are people, there are patients there.
01:58:51.000 And I've always had everybody's done it.
01:58:54.000 Chappelle did it for me.
01:58:55.000 In LA at the Beverly Wilshire and I had, it was wonderful.
01:58:58.000 I think it was John Mayer got up on stage and I think it was Ray Romano and I'm wondering if it was Gaffigan.
01:59:08.000 I've had almost every comedian do it but Chappelle made me put on the invite and Dave Chappelle might come.
01:59:15.000 Dave Chappelle says he might come.
01:59:17.000 And he flew himself out and he did the damn thing.
01:59:20.000 And he couldn't do material because we didn't lock up phones.
01:59:22.000 And he did a half hour of being the beautiful person that he is.
01:59:27.000 That's awesome.
01:59:27.000 And so all I was saying was Robin did it seven fucking times.
01:59:32.000 So here's my question.
01:59:35.000 So Richard Jenney, Patrice, Brody.
01:59:40.000 You know, all these people, Sam, Chris Farley, wasn't a stand-up, but why do really, truly funny people have to die?
01:59:52.000 Shouldn't there be some kind of universal law?
01:59:55.000 Mitch Hedberg.
01:59:56.000 Throw him in that mix.
01:59:57.000 Bill Hicks.
01:59:59.000 Well, you know, people die, bro.
02:00:00.000 It's part of life.
02:00:01.000 I know, but the love.
02:00:04.000 When you say Robin Williams to somebody, anybody, they get emotional you know because he he could have never done stand-up and just acted in movies when 9-11 happened um you know about 9-11 right yeah okay uh can't do that you can't do that joke it's not a joke it's just me being an ass Thanks for sitting through this with me.
02:00:32.000 I haven't had my shrink in a while.
02:00:34.000 Do you go to a shrink?
02:00:35.000 No.
02:00:35.000 You're smart as fuck.
02:00:36.000 I go to a sensory deprivation tank.
02:00:39.000 Oh, do you?
02:00:39.000 Yeah.
02:00:41.000 That's cool.
02:00:41.000 Yeah, you get alone with your thoughts for real.
02:00:43.000 I've done it.
02:00:44.000 Have you?
02:00:45.000 Yeah.
02:00:45.000 I got one here.
02:00:46.000 You do?
02:00:47.000 Yeah.
02:00:49.000 It's all salt, and you get it in, you play music?
02:00:52.000 No.
02:00:52.000 Tones of any kind?
02:00:53.000 No.
02:00:54.000 Just your thoughts?
02:00:54.000 Just my thoughts.
02:00:55.000 I just do breathing exercises.
02:00:56.000 I know that you know the readings of Terrence McKenna, because I was a mushroom boy back in the day.
02:01:01.000 I'm good friends with his brother.
02:01:02.000 No shit?
02:01:02.000 Yeah, his brother Dennis is amazing.
02:01:05.000 Holy crap.
02:01:06.000 Yeah.
02:01:07.000 I was going to see him.
02:01:07.000 I had a 420 show in Vancouver.
02:01:09.000 He lives in BC now.
02:01:11.000 He's an expat.
02:01:12.000 He bailed out of this fucking wacky country and went to a just as wacky one.
02:01:17.000 Right?
02:01:18.000 Fuck.
02:01:19.000 But I love Vancouver.
02:01:20.000 I mean, he picked a good spot.
02:01:21.000 I love Vancouver.
02:01:22.000 Let me just finish the Robin thought.
02:01:24.000 Please, go ahead.
02:01:25.000 Yeah, because I apologize.
02:01:27.000 So 9-11 happens and I'm home and I'm alone.
02:01:31.000 My kids, I was divorced.
02:01:33.000 My kids were at their mom's.
02:01:35.000 And all the channels are running the footage for 24 hours.
02:01:40.000 And Fox Television runs Mrs. Doubtfire.
02:01:46.000 And I'm like, what a great fucking thing they did for me and for people.
02:01:51.000 And I know a lot of people that I've talked to over the years that go, yeah, I watched Mrs. Stoutfire that night.
02:01:59.000 They fucking on their network, which was still kind of a new network in a way.
02:02:04.000 They ran it.
02:02:05.000 And it's a story about divorce and what he would do to get back to his kids.
02:02:10.000 And his acting in that is, you know, it's a sweet movie.
02:02:14.000 It's a sweet movie.
02:02:15.000 That's a movie that I gave as an example and someone was saying that trans people are never funny and a straight person in drag is never funny.
02:02:27.000 I go, you can't say it's never funny.
02:02:29.000 And I said, you don't think it's never funny when someone pretends to be a woman?
02:02:33.000 And the guy says, it's never funny.
02:02:35.000 I go, Mrs. Doubtfire.
02:02:37.000 Tootsie.
02:02:38.000 Well, that's a good one, too.
02:02:39.000 But there's a lot of them.
02:02:40.000 Mrs. Doubtfire is a very strong example.
02:02:43.000 It's a sweet movie.
02:02:44.000 But it's not about that.
02:02:46.000 It's about having to do the greatest disguise to be able to see his kids.
02:02:50.000 Yes.
02:02:50.000 But he's still pretending to be a woman, and it's fucking hilarious.
02:02:54.000 Yeah.
02:02:54.000 Yeah.
02:02:55.000 Yeah.
02:02:56.000 Well, he was, all I was saying was if he had never done stand-up, if Robin had just been a great actor, dead poets.
02:03:05.000 Well, look what Eddie Murphy's doing now.
02:03:07.000 I mean, Eddie Murphy was one of the best stand-ups ever.
02:03:09.000 Yeah.
02:03:10.000 Stops.
02:03:10.000 Yeah.
02:03:10.000 And now he just does films.
02:03:13.000 I have a story for you about him that I think you'll dig.
02:03:18.000 So I'm hosting the main room, thinking I'll never get a career.
02:03:21.000 Everybody's off.
02:03:22.000 Everybody's gone.
02:03:23.000 Arsenio's gone.
02:03:25.000 Howie went off.
02:03:25.000 What do you mean you think you never get a career?
02:03:27.000 I was on the road, not making a lot of money.
02:03:31.000 But in the meantime, I would host, for years, the Westwood store, which was no more.
02:03:37.000 Which was fun, actually.
02:03:38.000 So you're really young at this time, then.
02:03:41.000 In my 20s.
02:03:42.000 You were convinced you weren't going to have a career already in your 20s?
02:03:45.000 Yeah.
02:03:45.000 I was depressed all my 20s.
02:03:47.000 All of them.
02:03:48.000 That's crazy.
02:03:49.000 I'd be on a plane and didn't care if it went down.
02:03:52.000 That's how stupid I was.
02:03:53.000 Really?
02:03:54.000 I should have gone to a doctor is what I should have done.
02:03:56.000 Be that depressed.
02:03:58.000 So...
02:04:00.000 I'm there and I'm hosting and Eddie Murphy comes in.
02:04:04.000 And this is not on the bill.
02:04:06.000 He didn't call for a spot.
02:04:07.000 So Eddie comes in and he's working out raw.
02:04:11.000 And I don't know that it's raw.
02:04:13.000 But then he comes out and he's in...
02:04:15.000 I can't remember if it's the blue leather or the red leather suit.
02:04:20.000 But he's in one of them.
02:04:21.000 And he looks like a fucking god.
02:04:23.000 I mean, he looks...
02:04:25.000 I've never seen anyone more beautiful...
02:04:28.000 I look at him and I go, oh my god, look at him.
02:04:31.000 His skin was like butter.
02:04:33.000 I wanted to kiss him.
02:04:34.000 He's still beautiful.
02:04:36.000 He's amazing.
02:04:37.000 He's one of the most...
02:04:38.000 He wanted to be the Beatles of comedy.
02:04:39.000 He is.
02:04:41.000 He is.
02:04:42.000 So I'm the host on a Friday night.
02:04:46.000 And it was...
02:04:47.000 Sam was going to go on later.
02:04:49.000 And he comes out and...
02:04:52.000 The place standing ovation, the walls shake, and he does about 50 minutes on a Friday night.
02:04:59.000 Wow.
02:05:00.000 And I'm watching it, and it's good.
02:05:02.000 And I'm laughing, and I'm seeing it.
02:05:06.000 He's working.
02:05:06.000 He's working it.
02:05:07.000 Yeah.
02:05:07.000 That's why he's there.
02:05:08.000 And he's getting ready for something because he's dressed in his wardrobe for what will be the suit that's going to be the show, the movie.
02:05:16.000 Yeah.
02:05:17.000 And then he finishes, and great applause, standing ovation, but what you would expect.
02:05:27.000 I was there the next – I was there all the time.
02:05:30.000 I lived there, which is why I went away for a long time.
02:05:33.000 Besides work happened.
02:05:34.000 I was on Broadway and whatever the fuck happened.
02:05:36.000 Just on the street, you know.
02:05:38.000 Just begging.
02:05:40.000 But I – But a week later, one week later, the following Friday, he comes out in the other color suit.
02:05:49.000 I don't know if it was blue or red.
02:05:51.000 I have a feeling it was blue that other Friday.
02:05:54.000 One Friday later, and I asked had he gone up at the Improv or Laugh Factory or anywhere, and they said no.
02:06:01.000 He comes up and he does an hour and ten, standing ovation when it starts.
02:06:05.000 I watched how...
02:06:08.000 Great he is with my own eyes, ears, and heart.
02:06:14.000 It was amazing.
02:06:15.000 I never saw anything like it.
02:06:18.000 When he was done, he had crushed it so strong in a way that was so fucking funny.
02:06:27.000 Because it had emotion in it, and it talked about racism, and it talked about just...
02:06:34.000 And it was dirty, and it was great.
02:06:36.000 And literally, the building shook.
02:06:40.000 And that building's got like...
02:06:42.000 Dead mobsters underneath it.
02:06:44.000 That's very solid, that building.
02:06:46.000 There's cement down there.
02:06:47.000 I'm not kidding.
02:06:48.000 I thought it was an earthquake.
02:06:50.000 And it was minutes, minutes of applause.
02:06:54.000 And I come back out on stage, you know, and he's face to face with me.
02:07:00.000 And I go, that was fucking amazing.
02:07:03.000 And he just gave me a...
02:07:05.000 A nod, like, yes, sir.
02:07:07.000 And then he was gone.
02:07:10.000 And he was always very kind to me, too.
02:07:14.000 But I got to see that.
02:07:16.000 I got to see in one week what brilliance it took for him.
02:07:20.000 So what do you think he did?
02:07:21.000 Do you think he just went and reviewed the material?
02:07:24.000 If he didn't perform at all that week...
02:07:26.000 He must have...
02:07:28.000 Not necessarily.
02:07:29.000 No, I think not necessarily is the answer.
02:07:32.000 I think he just did what we do when we're good and went over it and over it and over it.
02:07:39.000 As long as he worked at it.
02:07:41.000 There's no way he didn't work at it.
02:07:42.000 Well, sometimes it's not even that.
02:07:44.000 He didn't just leave it there.
02:07:45.000 But sometimes it's not that.
02:07:46.000 Sometimes it's just inspiration.
02:07:48.000 Sometimes you feel different.
02:07:49.000 Sometimes you just feel better.
02:07:51.000 Like, sometimes you go on stage, you just feel loose.
02:07:54.000 Yeah.
02:07:54.000 You just got an idea of how to do it.
02:07:56.000 You feel physically better, maybe.
02:07:58.000 Like, maybe you're more well-rested.
02:08:00.000 Or maybe he didn't like the set the week before, so he'd been thinking about it for all that time.
02:08:04.000 I could tell he didn't after that first set, because his mind was worrying, like it does when we're trying to work something out.
02:08:12.000 Well, listen, man, that's the weirdest thing about doing a special.
02:08:15.000 You leave that material to the ether.
02:08:18.000 It's gone.
02:08:19.000 And then you start from scratch.
02:08:20.000 You have no weapons.
02:08:21.000 So here you have these people that come to see you.
02:08:23.000 Oh my god, it's Bob Saget.
02:08:24.000 I love Bob Saget.
02:08:25.000 I'm so excited.
02:08:26.000 And you ain't got shit for them.
02:08:28.000 I did that.
02:08:29.000 You're scrambling.
02:08:30.000 I did that after my last special.
02:08:32.000 Look, every time I do a set at the Comedy Store, after my special comes out, I don't have anything.
02:08:38.000 I have a few scraps.
02:08:40.000 I have a few ideas, a few premises.
02:08:43.000 You know, this is the last time I got lucky that I had a couple that I couldn't really do in my last special and I never really fleshed out and I could start with them.
02:08:51.000 I could kind of get going, get a little bit of momentum and then piece together an act.
02:08:55.000 But that desperation is what creates your act.
02:08:59.000 This last, after that happened, and I could feel what was happening in the world in the past, and you could too, for the past Year, year and a half of what we were going toward with Trump at the helm and all of the shit that's been happening and all the people at each other.
02:09:20.000 So it started happening fast where new stuff was coming to me and I was reflective over my life and reflective over...
02:09:28.000 Real things.
02:09:29.000 More real things.
02:09:30.000 Not just a bunch of nonsense.
02:09:32.000 Or just...
02:09:33.000 So you wanted to do more real...
02:09:36.000 Thoughtful storytelling.
02:09:37.000 Thoughtful things that mean something to you rather than just jokes.
02:09:41.000 But I can't help myself, as you can apparently tell, without taking little asides to throw in something that's just like, fucking what?
02:09:50.000 When you say that you want to do this, though, how much time were you working?
02:09:53.000 How much stand-up were you doing?
02:09:55.000 Years.
02:09:55.000 Quite a bit.
02:09:56.000 I've been on the road and I've been wanting to be on the road.
02:09:59.000 More than I've ever wanted to be on the road.
02:10:01.000 Wow.
02:10:02.000 So up until pandemic, I was set to go to Canada and they closed Canada the day before.
02:10:08.000 Actually, they closed it the day after I pulled on Vancouver.
02:10:12.000 So you're basically just touring back and forth and just doing a lot of clubs, getting everything lubed up.
02:10:18.000 A lot of clubs, a bunch of theater runs, little theater runs, not big ones.
02:10:21.000 Getting everything nice and loose.
02:10:23.000 Yeah.
02:10:24.000 And when were you thinking about filming?
02:10:26.000 I was going to go fall this year.
02:10:28.000 Me too.
02:10:29.000 I was already...
02:10:30.000 I know where I'm going to shoot it.
02:10:31.000 I don't even want to say because I have some real cool shit that I want to do that it's part of the place.
02:10:39.000 But it's just...
02:10:41.000 I can't look like it's bad.
02:10:46.000 I can't feel like it's just going to...
02:10:47.000 What we're all going through is just going to make me...
02:10:50.000 It means even more.
02:10:52.000 Everything we're going to get to do when there's a vaccine, when we find out if the vaccine works, we find out what the fuck all this is, when we get to go out and really do a room that's 100% full, and you don't know what's coming with your big dates coming up.
02:11:09.000 I think they're all getting canceled, if I had to guess.
02:11:12.000 I mean, unless something happens between now.
02:11:13.000 I mean, I'm supposed to do Madison Square Garden October 3rd.
02:11:17.000 Have you played there before?
02:11:18.000 Yeah, I've played the smaller room.
02:11:20.000 But I'm doing the big room in Boston Garden back-to-back two weeks in a row.
02:11:24.000 Motherfucker.
02:11:25.000 And I don't know if that's happening.
02:11:27.000 Chappelle and I have a bunch of gigs.
02:11:28.000 I saw.
02:11:29.000 I don't know if that's happening.
02:11:30.000 But you'll just move them.
02:11:31.000 You'll just move them a year, right?
02:11:33.000 Yes, a year.
02:11:35.000 A year's likely, but even then, what kind of a climate are we looking at?
02:11:40.000 What is the world going to be like?
02:11:42.000 That's the least of my concern right now.
02:11:44.000 I mean, doing stand-up is great.
02:11:46.000 I would like to do stand-up again, for sure.
02:11:48.000 Right, it's a selfish concern.
02:11:50.000 Right now, I just want to...
02:11:53.000 Look, if we never do stand-up again, man, life is beautiful.
02:11:56.000 I want to appreciate life.
02:11:58.000 I want to appreciate my friends.
02:11:59.000 I want to appreciate my family.
02:12:01.000 I appreciate being able to do this podcast.
02:12:03.000 This has been one of the nicest things, that there's a place that I can sit and hang out with people and talk and learn.
02:12:10.000 This podcast has made me grow a lot as a human being.
02:12:14.000 It has.
02:12:15.000 A lot.
02:12:16.000 I've listened and watched.
02:12:17.000 It's shifted my perspective.
02:12:19.000 It's made me way more aware of how much responsibility I have doing this thing.
02:12:24.000 When we first started doing this podcast, it was me and Brian Redband and whoever the guest was, Joey Diaz or Eddie Bravo or Ari Shafir, whatever it was, and there would be like a thousand people listening.
02:12:36.000 At the most.
02:12:37.000 A thousand downloads would be crazy.
02:12:39.000 So we got to practice when there was no stakes.
02:12:43.000 And you can still listen to them.
02:12:44.000 Some of them are terrible.
02:12:45.000 And some of them are getting me in trouble now because of some of the ridiculous shit we said.
02:12:48.000 Trying to make each other's laugh.
02:12:50.000 But that led to this.
02:12:55.000 And for whatever reason, we just kept doing it.
02:12:58.000 Or I just kept doing it.
02:12:59.000 It became this.
02:13:00.000 Did you have any vision in your mind that it would be what other people look at as like an empire?
02:13:05.000 No fucking chance.
02:13:07.000 No.
02:13:07.000 You just did it.
02:13:08.000 Just did it.
02:13:09.000 I'm a grinder.
02:13:10.000 I'm a person that I see something and I try to get better at it.
02:13:14.000 And I know that I had a bunch of podcasts that weren't that good.
02:13:17.000 And so I'd go, what was wrong with that one?
02:13:19.000 Well, I talked too much.
02:13:20.000 Or maybe I interrupted too much.
02:13:21.000 Or maybe I didn't have enough to say about the subject.
02:13:24.000 So maybe I should be more prepared.
02:13:26.000 Maybe I should be more focused.
02:13:28.000 And then I'd be like, what's a distraction?
02:13:32.000 Make sure people don't look at their phones.
02:13:33.000 Make sure you're locked in.
02:13:35.000 Be really engaged.
02:13:36.000 Be in the moment in the conversation.
02:13:38.000 Be better at that.
02:13:39.000 And I just kept doing it.
02:13:41.000 That's kind of – you're an influence on me in a huge regard because I didn't come to podcast because every fucking person on the earth, the kid across the street has a podcast.
02:13:53.000 The UPS guy the other day had a podcast.
02:13:56.000 Really?
02:13:56.000 No, but – But it's okay.
02:13:58.000 But I'm like on number 33, and I'm learning very fast because I'm a broadcaster.
02:14:04.000 I know how to do things, but it's not.
02:14:06.000 It's a conversation.
02:14:08.000 That's why I'm so drawn to what you do.
02:14:10.000 There's people listening.
02:14:11.000 This is the most important thing.
02:14:12.000 And they love it, and they need it.
02:14:15.000 But it's also, you have to listen...
02:14:18.000 The way you sound.
02:14:19.000 You have to listen to the way the conversation's going.
02:14:22.000 There has to be something in what you're talking about and the way you're talking that makes people want to listen.
02:14:29.000 I don't know how to teach that.
02:14:33.000 But you get better at it.
02:14:35.000 It's a skill.
02:14:36.000 There's something to it.
02:14:37.000 That's just like everything else, man.
02:14:39.000 It's like, I don't play the piano, but I would imagine it's like playing the piano or learning any other skill.
02:14:44.000 The more time and focus you put into it, the better you get at it.
02:14:49.000 And to me, it's fascinating still to this day.
02:14:52.000 If I get a scientist in here or a researcher or someone who's writing a book on something...
02:14:57.000 Yeah, Elon Musk with a flamethrower.
02:14:59.000 Yeah, it's fascinating.
02:15:02.000 When I'm having those conversations, I'm locked in, man.
02:15:05.000 I love it.
02:15:06.000 I enjoy it.
02:15:07.000 And I never thought I'd be doing this.
02:15:10.000 And this is not a plan.
02:15:12.000 There was no plan to this.
02:15:13.000 Isn't that the best?
02:15:14.000 It's great.
02:15:15.000 I don't know if it's the best, but it's great.
02:15:17.000 Well, it's the best.
02:15:18.000 I'm enjoying it.
02:15:18.000 I think it's the best because it comes from an organic place, and that's why it worked.
02:15:22.000 That's why it works.
02:15:23.000 I mean, that's why it's going to even...
02:15:25.000 I don't know if you read, but you're moving it.
02:15:28.000 I don't know if you read about it.
02:15:30.000 Yeah, that's why I hear some people that work for me that tell me that.
02:15:32.000 Yeah, it's moving somewhere.
02:15:34.000 I can't remember where, but it's moving somewhere big, apparently.
02:15:38.000 You know, and that's a mindfuck, too, because now it's like there's more scrutiny on it, there's more people paying attention and criticism and everything, but it's also, it's like...
02:15:48.000 I just keep doing it.
02:15:50.000 I just keep going.
02:15:51.000 And I just keep focusing on that.
02:15:54.000 And that's the real challenge, right?
02:15:55.000 As it gets bigger, can you keep doing it the way you're doing it?
02:15:59.000 Can you keep getting high and get drunk and have friends here and just talk shit?
02:16:04.000 Yeah.
02:16:04.000 I'm going to see.
02:16:05.000 Until the wheels fall off.
02:16:07.000 They're not going to fall off.
02:16:09.000 Because you're a special guy.
02:16:11.000 I'm just telling you.
02:16:12.000 I'm 64. I could say shit like that.
02:16:15.000 What if when you're 62, they not let you?
02:16:17.000 No, I wasn't allowed.
02:16:19.000 I was talking to Norman Lear the other night.
02:16:21.000 He's going to be 98. How's he doing?
02:16:23.000 He's a fucking genius.
02:16:24.000 On the ball at 98?
02:16:26.000 We had a Zoom with a bunch of music guys, like I said, and he is one of the most beautiful people I will ever know.
02:16:33.000 Which is key to being sharp at 98?
02:16:36.000 He cares about...
02:16:38.000 Humanity.
02:16:39.000 He changed television.
02:16:42.000 He gave us all in the family and Sanford and Son and Good Times and the Jeffersons.
02:16:48.000 Isn't it crazy that none of those shows you could do today?
02:16:51.000 But they're doing them.
02:16:52.000 They are doing the live ones on ABC. Jimmy Kimmel and he are doing those shows.
02:16:56.000 Doing what?
02:16:57.000 All in the Family.
02:16:58.000 What are you talking about?
02:16:59.000 And the Jeffersons have been running new episodes.
02:17:01.000 What?
02:17:02.000 Woody Harrelson's Archie Bunker.
02:17:03.000 Shut the fuck up.
02:17:04.000 And Marissa Tomei is Edith.
02:17:06.000 Shut the fuck up.
02:17:08.000 Sorry, you really need to Google this.
02:17:10.000 Is this actually happening right now?
02:17:11.000 This is gigantic.
02:17:12.000 This happened a couple months ago.
02:17:13.000 What?
02:17:14.000 Yes, before the pandemic.
02:17:16.000 What?
02:17:16.000 This is about as real as it gets.
02:17:18.000 How the fuck am I just hearing this?
02:17:20.000 How can you...
02:17:20.000 I told you something you don't know.
02:17:22.000 Wait a minute.
02:17:22.000 This is Woody Harrelson?
02:17:24.000 That's Woody.
02:17:24.000 And they sing those were the days.
02:17:26.000 As Archie Bunker?
02:17:26.000 Get the fuck out of here.
02:17:28.000 And it's fucking awesome, Joe.
02:17:30.000 It's awesome.
02:17:31.000 Wow!
02:17:32.000 And Norman Lear, and there's Marissa.
02:17:34.000 This is crazy!
02:17:35.000 You have to watch it.
02:17:37.000 It's awesome.
02:17:37.000 I can't believe this is real.
02:17:39.000 No, it's...
02:17:40.000 How do you know about this?
02:17:41.000 Are you joking?
02:17:41.000 No!
02:17:42.000 I didn't know about this.
02:17:43.000 Well, I gave you some...
02:17:44.000 Why didn't you tell me, Jamie?
02:17:46.000 I gave Joe some...
02:17:47.000 I gave Joe intel.
02:17:49.000 Live in front of a studio audience, all in the family.
02:17:52.000 Holy shit!
02:17:52.000 So it's Norman and Kimmel and ABC, and it's fucking...
02:17:57.000 Kimmel's one of the producers?
02:17:58.000 Is that what you're saying?
02:17:58.000 Yeah, they do it together.
02:18:00.000 And it's so special because the stuff is about racism.
02:18:06.000 Because people didn't quite understand.
02:18:08.000 Some people were just loving Archie and not getting the sadness.
02:18:14.000 Wow, and they were all dressed like they're in the 70s.
02:18:16.000 Yeah.
02:18:16.000 So it takes place in the 70s.
02:18:18.000 Look at the collars!
02:18:19.000 Yes.
02:18:21.000 And on the Jeffersons, you had Jamie Foxx.
02:18:24.000 I mean, this is...
02:18:25.000 What?
02:18:26.000 Yes, this is big shit.
02:18:27.000 How the fuck do I not know this?
02:18:28.000 You've got to go and watch it.
02:18:29.000 You've got to look it up.
02:18:30.000 You've got to watch a little bit of it.
02:18:31.000 I'm that old man that doesn't know anything anymore.
02:18:33.000 I'm completely out of the loop.
02:18:35.000 I'm so relevant.
02:18:36.000 You're the relevantest guy I've ever met.
02:18:38.000 No, the most relevant is Norman Lear.
02:18:40.000 So he's 98. Look at this.
02:18:43.000 This is crazy.
02:18:46.000 It's absolutely...
02:18:46.000 Now who's going to do Sanford and Son?
02:18:48.000 I don't know if they're going to do that.
02:18:49.000 Why not?
02:18:50.000 I don't know if you can do Red Fox.
02:18:52.000 D.L. Hughley.
02:18:54.000 He could.
02:18:55.000 There's a few people.
02:18:57.000 I love D.L. I do too.
02:18:59.000 I think he could do it.
02:18:59.000 So he was on stage at Zane.
02:19:01.000 He's in Nashville and he passes out and he's got coronavirus.
02:19:03.000 I know.
02:19:04.000 How good is his tour manager that caught him as he was falling asleep?
02:19:08.000 Yeah.
02:19:08.000 Isn't that amazing?
02:19:09.000 He could have had his head cracked open.
02:19:11.000 Oh, for sure.
02:19:11.000 He was going down.
02:19:12.000 You know what?
02:19:13.000 This is what I was saying about all these comedians that we love.
02:19:16.000 And I'm so fed up with that because I love comedians so much.
02:19:21.000 I don't reach out to DL that often.
02:19:25.000 We see each other once in a while.
02:19:27.000 I started texting him.
02:19:28.000 Are you okay?
02:19:29.000 It's Bob Saget.
02:19:30.000 Please don't think I'm weird.
02:19:31.000 I can't fucking take it anymore.
02:19:33.000 That is you.
02:19:34.000 Please don't think I'm weird.
02:19:36.000 No, he texts me back.
02:19:37.000 He's laughing.
02:19:38.000 He's going, I'm okay.
02:19:40.000 I said, well...
02:19:41.000 I wrote something else.
02:19:43.000 I'm sorry I texted you.
02:19:45.000 Then the next day I called him.
02:19:46.000 I said, what the fuck, man?
02:19:48.000 How sick are you?
02:19:49.000 He goes, I'm okay.
02:19:50.000 I'm okay.
02:19:51.000 He doesn't seem to be that sick.
02:19:53.000 I saw him talking.
02:19:54.000 No, he seems okay.
02:19:55.000 A little bit of a cough.
02:19:56.000 You know, Brian Callen got it.
02:19:58.000 And he's fine now.
02:20:00.000 Well, he has a strong mechanism.
02:20:04.000 His instruments pretty together.
02:20:05.000 Well, he didn't take any medication.
02:20:08.000 Brendan Schaub, his friend, took medication and he was fine in four days and Cal and it took him like 11 or 12. But he's fine now.
02:20:14.000 He said he feels good.
02:20:16.000 I'm concerned with long-term effects from anybody that has this because I was talking to a friend of mine who is a doctor who is saying he's treating a basketball player.
02:20:25.000 Who three months, a guy in his 20s, three months after COVID is still having issues with his endurance.
02:20:31.000 He hasn't gotten his endurance back to where it is.
02:20:33.000 Like his lungs are not working at full capacity.
02:20:36.000 So there's perhaps some damage or something.
02:20:39.000 I've heard from people that are scarring.
02:20:41.000 Yeah, that's fucking terrifying.
02:20:43.000 You know, what is this, Jamie?
02:20:45.000 Scans reveal heart damage in over half of COVID-19 patients in study.
02:20:50.000 Oh, great.
02:20:51.000 Maybe they should go with more patients.
02:20:53.000 There was something else.
02:20:53.000 I could send this to you.
02:20:55.000 There was another...
02:20:55.000 Well, it's not necessary, but it was essentially saying that in the autopsies that they're doing on people who died of COVID, they're finding blood clots in all of their organs and their liver, their lungs, their kidneys, everywhere.
02:21:08.000 Yeah, this is a fucking weird disease, man.
02:21:10.000 And what I've been hearing with the vaccine, they don't know if you get it, if it can keep you safe.
02:21:18.000 They don't know.
02:21:19.000 First of all, they don't know if a vaccine is going to be even possible.
02:21:24.000 Normally, it takes a vaccine upwards of four years to develop, and they're trying to do this and fast-track it.
02:21:30.000 And they're also trying to do something called an mRNA vaccine.
02:21:34.000 It's a different kind of vaccine that doesn't use a live version of the virus, but instead forces your body to create proteins.
02:21:41.000 See if we can pull up what that means.
02:21:43.000 Remember, I'm a moron.
02:21:46.000 So when I say these things, even though I use the right words, I really don't know what the fuck I'm saying.
02:21:50.000 Very important to remember.
02:21:51.000 You're becoming me.
02:21:53.000 MRNA virus.
02:21:56.000 Excuse me.
02:21:57.000 MRNA vaccine.
02:21:57.000 I typed it in, but it's not saying what it is.
02:22:00.000 That's it.
02:22:01.000 We'll never find out.
02:22:01.000 The definition of MRNA vaccine.
02:22:03.000 Messenger RNA. Messenger RNA. See, it does something to the body and forces the body to create proteins that fight off the virus.
02:22:11.000 Another thing that's really important is vitamin D. They are finding, and this is what you were talking about with African Americans having a particular problem with COVID. African Americans have a particular problem with vitamin D as well.
02:22:22.000 Because, of course, with their skin color, their ancestors all came from Africa, where your body had all this melanin to protect itself from constant sunlight.
02:22:31.000 So they didn't have to worry about absorbing so much vitamin D from the sun.
02:22:34.000 Yep.
02:22:34.000 Because they were in the sun all the time.
02:22:36.000 This is the reason why Irish people are so fucking pale.
02:22:38.000 The reason why they're so fucking pale is because where they are, there's no goddamn sun.
02:22:42.000 So their body has to be like a solar panel for vitamin D. Your body produces vitamin D because of sunlight, and it's not just a vitamin.
02:22:49.000 It's actually a hormone.
02:22:51.000 I've really been getting into this lately.
02:22:54.000 Do you take a lot of supplements of vitamin D? Yes.
02:22:57.000 I take 5,000 IUs a day.
02:22:59.000 So I was talking to your guys before I came in here, and they were saying, yes, I've been out in the sunlight, because I've been out, go to the pool, that's like Hawaii for my wife and I, and that's been helpful.
02:23:11.000 It feels good.
02:23:12.000 That's good, but you're also getting a little bit of sun damage there too, right?
02:23:15.000 You've got to be careful about that.
02:23:16.000 Yeah, I put on the shit.
02:23:17.000 But is that protecting you from vitamin D as well?
02:23:19.000 Probably.
02:23:20.000 Probably.
02:23:20.000 What you should do is get blood work done and find out where your vitamin levels are.
02:23:24.000 It's not hard to do.
02:23:24.000 Go to a good doctor.
02:23:25.000 They can do blood work.
02:23:27.000 My wife wanted me to take supplements.
02:23:30.000 Right before I came in here, she said, that's what I've been trying you to take.
02:23:33.000 You don't take vitamins?
02:23:34.000 She said, I do.
02:23:35.000 I do.
02:23:35.000 But I don't take too many.
02:23:38.000 You should take vitamins.
02:23:39.000 You should go to a doctor that really understands this kind of shit and could look at your blood work and say, hey, you need niacin.
02:23:46.000 You need vitamin D. You're low in zinc.
02:23:48.000 And all those things protect you.
02:23:50.000 Is it a normal doctor or is it a person that's...
02:23:53.000 We'll talk afterwards.
02:23:54.000 When you have a body that is deficient in nutrients, that body lacks the strength to prevent illnesses.
02:24:03.000 Part of what your immune system is, is your body has an army that fights off bad diseases.
02:24:11.000 Right.
02:24:12.000 And when your body doesn't have any building blocks, your body doesn't have any nutrients, your body is deficient in all sorts of critical nutrients that it needs for all these different functions, it's not going to do the job.
02:24:25.000 It's real simple.
02:24:26.000 When your body's weak, it's not going to do the job.
02:24:28.000 But fortunately for us, in 2020, you can take supplements.
02:24:33.000 And vitamin D is not expensive, it's not prohibitive, but it has a huge impact.
02:24:37.000 One of the things that they're showing is that, and this is something that Dr. Rhonda Patrick talked about when she was on the podcast, she went over all these different studies that they've done in places where COVID patients were in the ICU. And in one of them, in several, but one of them that I can recall,
02:24:53.000 80 plus percent of the people that were in the ICU for COVID had vitamin D deficiency.
02:24:59.000 Four percent had sufficient levels of vitamin D. And there's multiple studies that point to the exact same thing.
02:25:07.000 It's critical in your body's ability to fight off illness and particularly effective with COVID. So when you're talking about African Americans, one of the things my doctor told me was that when he was doing tests in Manhattan with African Americans, some of them had non-detectable levels of vitamin D. So these are people that,
02:25:27.000 first of all, their ancestors come from a climate where they're supposed to be in the sun all the time.
02:25:30.000 Now they're not, because they're in this northern hemisphere, cloudy, it's in the winter, they're not getting anything in the sun.
02:25:37.000 And they're not taking any vitamins, so they're just not getting it.
02:25:39.000 It makes them particularly susceptible.
02:25:41.000 Another thing that makes people particularly susceptible is obesity.
02:25:44.000 That is, according to my friend who's a doctor in New York, is a huge factor in people that are in the ICU. I've heard that quite a bit.
02:25:51.000 Obesity is a huge factor.
02:25:53.000 Obesity, vitamin D, those are two big ones.
02:25:55.000 Zinc.
02:25:56.000 Zinc does something that stops the virus's ability to get into the body.
02:26:01.000 I don't know how that works, but something about your body's...
02:26:04.000 the virus's ability to...
02:26:08.000 Enter into the body is somehow or another stopped by zinc.
02:26:11.000 I've always had a problem taking too many cell limits.
02:26:14.000 I went on a lot of kicks.
02:26:15.000 I had a couple doctors recommend certain vitamins and D was one of them for sure.
02:26:21.000 Biotin.
02:26:22.000 D's fucking huge, man.
02:26:24.000 Most people are deficient in D. Does it upset your stomach?
02:26:26.000 Because C upsets my stomach.
02:26:28.000 How does it upset your stomach?
02:26:29.000 I don't know.
02:26:30.000 I have an acidic stomach.
02:26:32.000 What are you talking about?
02:26:33.000 It feels like it's burning a hole through it when I take a vitamin C. Do you take it with food?
02:26:37.000 That's what I've done wrong.
02:26:39.000 First of all, you should take most vitamins with food.
02:26:41.000 And then when I fart, it's like a white cloud.
02:26:42.000 A white cloud?
02:26:43.000 Yeah.
02:26:44.000 Are you looking in the mirror while you fart?
02:26:45.000 How do you know it's white?
02:26:46.000 Who doesn't?
02:26:47.000 I mean, you've never looked over and farted in the mirror?
02:26:50.000 I haven't.
02:26:51.000 Over the shoulder?
02:26:52.000 I don't think I have.
02:26:53.000 Maybe we should do a photo session.
02:26:54.000 Maybe not.
02:26:56.000 Let's say not, and not we didn't.
02:26:57.000 You should take vitamins with food.
02:26:59.000 Most vitamins, they get absorbed better with food.
02:27:02.000 You take them before or after?
02:27:03.000 Well...
02:27:05.000 I think the best way to do it is probably in the middle of your meal.
02:27:08.000 Like eat some of your food, take your vitamins.
02:27:10.000 When you're eating elk, which I've seen a lot of photos of, a lot of elk pictures, would you take the D in the middle of four pieces of elk?
02:27:18.000 Yes, I do.
02:27:19.000 Yes, I have a hard time telling people to do what I do in basically everything because they're not going to do what I do.
02:27:24.000 I don't mind it because you're kind of like a perfect human specimen.
02:27:27.000 But they're not going to do it.
02:27:28.000 They're not going to do what I do physically.
02:27:29.000 I might.
02:27:30.000 I take advice.
02:27:31.000 I have a stack of vitamins.
02:27:33.000 It's like this, like a fucking Monopoly board.
02:27:37.000 And I pull those bad boys out when I eat, and I pour four of these, and two of those, and ten of those, and I just eat those.
02:27:44.000 And I eat them with my food.
02:27:45.000 That's what I do.
02:27:46.000 When I'm eating, I'll stop in the middle of the meal, and I go out and I get my box.
02:27:49.000 And I have a box full of fish oil and...
02:27:53.000 Right.
02:27:53.000 Fish oil, right?
02:27:54.000 Yeah.
02:27:55.000 What does it do?
02:27:55.000 This is probably not a good topic, but what does it do to your stool?
02:28:00.000 What happens?
02:28:01.000 I don't know.
02:28:02.000 I always do it.
02:28:02.000 Do you have a nice one?
02:28:03.000 I have regular shit.
02:28:04.000 All right.
02:28:05.000 Is it tapered?
02:28:06.000 Like a fucking hammer, bro.
02:28:08.000 Comes out hard.
02:28:09.000 Residual?
02:28:10.000 It's just shit.
02:28:11.000 It's regular shit.
02:28:12.000 Okay.
02:28:13.000 So it's not in compartments.
02:28:14.000 It doesn't come out all separate like vitamins.
02:28:18.000 You don't shit like 40 vitamins?
02:28:20.000 I don't shit capsules, no.
02:28:22.000 Shit capsules.
02:28:23.000 It doesn't have anything to do with your shit.
02:28:25.000 Your shit comes from food waste.
02:28:30.000 That's what shit is?
02:28:31.000 Yeah.
02:28:32.000 I didn't know that.
02:28:33.000 It's mostly fiber for a lot of people.
02:28:34.000 When you eat meat only, that's what's interesting.
02:28:37.000 Yeah, you were on that.
02:28:39.000 You lost a bunch of weight on that.
02:28:40.000 Yeah, I did.
02:28:42.000 When I did that, I had smaller shits.
02:28:44.000 It was interesting.
02:28:46.000 I was eating a lot of meat, but your body absorbs it.
02:28:50.000 Meat is mostly water, right?
02:28:53.000 So you've got like the tissue and then the water and the amount that you shit is surprisingly small.
02:28:59.000 Whereas when you're eating a lot of salad and you're eating a lot of like celery and fibrous foods, all that stuff, your body doesn't really digest it.
02:29:08.000 But it's good for you, right?
02:29:10.000 I don't know.
02:29:11.000 I don't know.
02:29:12.000 Everybody's saying that we need to have our vegetables right now.
02:29:14.000 Not everybody.
02:29:15.000 Some people are saying you need to have the vegetables, and then there's some people that are on this carnivore diet that say you don't need any vegetables.
02:29:20.000 Well, some people are vegan, like my wife's a pescatarian.
02:29:24.000 She worships fish.
02:29:26.000 And I am on, I'm B-positive blood.
02:29:30.000 My 10-year-old goes, is a humanitarian someone who eats people?
02:29:34.000 I mean, that's going to happen soon.
02:29:37.000 It's already happened.
02:29:38.000 But I mean, I think it's going to become popular.
02:29:41.000 You think so?
02:29:41.000 Yeah.
02:29:42.000 What if lab-created human meat is the best thing to eat at a restaurant?
02:29:46.000 It's like the veal.
02:29:47.000 We have some beautiful lab-created human, lab-created buttocks.
02:29:53.000 You can get it at Umami.
02:29:55.000 They would have that.
02:29:57.000 Umami has people.
02:29:58.000 Can you imagine if you go to a restaurant and they come out and they have one of those fucking Bugs Bunny silver things where they pull the top off of it and it's a dude's butt.
02:30:04.000 It's just a perfect butt like an athlete.
02:30:07.000 I ate the best ass today.
02:30:09.000 And he's like, this.
02:30:10.000 We're going to crockpot this.
02:30:11.000 It's going to be a beautiful, beautiful roast for you.
02:30:15.000 But it's not a part of an actual person.
02:30:18.000 It was all created in a lab.
02:30:19.000 Right.
02:30:19.000 So someone who's always wanted to eat a guy's ass.
02:30:21.000 Simulated.
02:30:22.000 I mean, who doesn't?
02:30:23.000 Pull that top off that and show them.
02:30:25.000 Simulated man-ass.
02:30:27.000 Like if you go to Morton's, they come by with the steak tray.
02:30:30.000 Yeah.
02:30:30.000 And they show you, this is the ribeye.
02:30:32.000 This is a beautiful marble cut.
02:30:34.000 They come by with the man-ass.
02:30:35.000 Five asses.
02:30:37.000 I mean, they're making lab-created meat.
02:30:39.000 Why not make lab-created human meat?
02:30:41.000 Do you eat that stuff?
02:30:42.000 I have never because it's not available, but I would try it.
02:30:45.000 Not man.
02:30:47.000 Oh, that fake shit?
02:30:48.000 Yeah.
02:30:48.000 No.
02:30:48.000 The soybean shit.
02:30:49.000 That stuff's terrible for me.
02:30:50.000 My wife gives it to me.
02:30:51.000 I don't really love it.
02:30:52.000 It's supposed to taste pretty good, but it's not good for you.
02:30:55.000 It's not good for you.
02:30:56.000 If you want to eat vegetarian or vegan, eat vegetables.
02:30:59.000 Eat actual real vegetables.
02:31:01.000 Don't eat some fake beef bullshit.
02:31:03.000 That's not real food.
02:31:05.000 I need my meat.
02:31:07.000 Well, you eat meat then.
02:31:08.000 Yeah.
02:31:09.000 There you go.
02:31:09.000 But it's not supposed to be good for your heart.
02:31:11.000 Says who?
02:31:12.000 Well, people.
02:31:13.000 But have you looked into that?
02:31:15.000 No.
02:31:15.000 Yeah.
02:31:16.000 See, that's the thing that people just keep saying.
02:31:17.000 Yeah, they hear what some guy says.
02:31:19.000 You know what's bad for your heart, man?
02:31:20.000 Sugar.
02:31:21.000 Sugar and refined flour.
02:31:24.000 No, fat's not bad for you.
02:31:25.000 Fat's essential.
02:31:27.000 You need fat.
02:31:28.000 It's actually food for your brain.
02:31:29.000 I thought it's also good.
02:31:30.000 It helps lube up the meat so you can shit better.
02:31:34.000 Perhaps.
02:31:35.000 Listen, we can go down this rabbit hole, but it's already 4 o'clock.
02:31:37.000 It would take a long time for me to explain nutrition to you.
02:31:40.000 It's 4 o'clock?
02:31:40.000 Yes.
02:31:42.000 Motherfucker.
02:31:42.000 Time flies in this room.
02:31:45.000 You're enchanted.
02:31:47.000 How the fuck do you do this?
02:31:50.000 You sit, you talk.
02:31:52.000 Yeah.
02:31:53.000 You have a good time.
02:31:53.000 A couple hours pass by.
02:31:55.000 I love this.
02:31:56.000 It was fun.
02:31:57.000 Glad we did it, Bob.
02:31:58.000 I love it.
02:31:59.000 Tell people about your podcast, how they get it.
02:32:01.000 It's on, you know, it's wherever you get them, right?
02:32:04.000 It's Apple.
02:32:06.000 It's Spotify.
02:32:09.000 It's on ZigZag.
02:32:10.000 Is it on YouTube as well?
02:32:12.000 It is, but I got a brand new YouTube site.
02:32:14.000 I'm a newbie, so it's up there for Zoom videos because I've been talking to people.
02:32:19.000 Beautiful.
02:32:20.000 But I have really good guests.
02:32:22.000 I've been having that, but I call people, too, to see how they're doing.
02:32:25.000 And Instagram?
02:32:27.000 Just Bob Saget?
02:32:28.000 Yeah.
02:32:29.000 Instagram, Twitter.
02:32:30.000 I got TikTok until China pulls it.
02:32:33.000 Don't get off the TikTok.
02:32:34.000 They're watching you ever move.
02:32:35.000 Are they really?
02:32:36.000 Yeah.
02:32:36.000 The Chinese government.
02:32:37.000 They're in your ass right now.
02:32:39.000 Checking you out.
02:32:40.000 Maybe I need that.
02:32:41.000 Maybe you do.
02:32:42.000 But what about, you know, Alexa?
02:32:46.000 Isn't she listening to everything?
02:32:47.000 That bitch is listening to everything.
02:32:48.000 Everything.
02:32:49.000 So is the Apple thing.
02:32:51.000 The Apple home.
02:32:52.000 Those motherfuckers listen to everything, too.
02:32:54.000 Siri.
02:32:54.000 Siri's listening.
02:32:54.000 Siri, that bitch is on.
02:32:55.000 Siri's fucking me every day.
02:32:56.000 She's deep in your shit.
02:32:57.000 Yes, yes.
02:32:58.000 She knows everything.
02:32:59.000 All of them.
02:32:59.000 All of them.
02:33:00.000 Fuck her.
02:33:01.000 Yes.
02:33:02.000 She and Alexa should take a slow boat to shit, though.
02:33:05.000 There you go.
02:33:05.000 Let's end with that.
02:33:06.000 Bob Saget, I love you.
02:33:07.000 I love you, Joe.
02:33:08.000 Thank you, buddy.
02:33:08.000 Thank you.
02:33:09.000 It was a lot of fun.
02:33:09.000 This was great.
02:33:10.000 Goodbye, America and the rest of the world.
02:33:12.000 See ya.