The Joe Rogan Experience - July 31, 2020


Joe Rogan Experience #1518 - David Choe


Episode Stats

Length

3 hours and 51 minutes

Words per Minute

184.94962

Word Count

42,822

Sentence Count

4,518

Misogynist Sentences

64

Hate Speech Sentences

157


Summary

Joe Rogan is back on The Joe Rogan Experience! And he's back with a vengeance. Joe talks about his recent trip to the ER, how he feels about being canceled, and what it's like to be a member of the cult "The Pylon." Also, he talks about how he got caught up in the Pylon, and why he doesn't get nervous when he's on the pod. Joe also talks about the time he almost puked on the job and how he almost got into a car accident on the way home from work. And how he's not worried about getting canceled any more, because he's been canceled so many times over the years that he's almost used it as fuel for his Pylon. The Pylon is a group of people who are dedicated to bringing awareness to the problem. They're here to help people who need it, and are willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE on Apple Podcasts and leave us a rating and review on iTunes. We'll be looking out for your favorite podcasters on the next episode of the pod, so we can keep bringing you the best podcasters in the podcast world. Thank you so much for listening and supporting the pod! -Jon Sorrentino and Sarah Abdurrahil - and is a podcast about comedy and stand-up comedy. Please don't forget to rate, review, review and subscribe to our podcast, and tell us what you think of our podcasters are doing right now. and what we're listening to you think we should do in the next pod, and we can do more of what we recommend to you in the future. We're looking out there and what kind of podcasters should be listening to us and what they're doing in the pod we should be doing more of this week's pod? in the coming episodes we should listen to and what you're getting in the most important thing we're doing next week. Thank you, and much more! and thank you for all the love you're doing the most of what you've been listening to this week, and more of your feedback we're getting on this week! --Jon and Sarah is looking forward to hearing from you, so much love and support us on the podcast. -RATE 5 stars and a shout out to you!


Transcript

00:00:05.000 What's up, buddy?
00:00:06.000 If I leave right now, this will be the shortest one you've ever done?
00:00:09.000 Ever now.
00:00:10.000 You don't have to do this.
00:00:11.000 I know you worried you're going to say some crazy shit and you're going to torpedo your life.
00:00:17.000 Now that you're a cult guru with strawberry blonde hair.
00:00:21.000 It's more...
00:00:22.000 Strawberry blonde.
00:00:23.000 Well, it's a home job.
00:00:24.000 It's a do-it-yourself.
00:00:26.000 So it's more...
00:00:26.000 My therapist would always say, lean into discomfort, what you don't like.
00:00:31.000 And I hate gingers.
00:00:32.000 So I said, why don't I just become one?
00:00:35.000 Your therapist says lean into discomfort?
00:00:39.000 Yeah, if there's something that...
00:00:41.000 Like, I'm in a men's group also, and I told them.
00:00:45.000 I said, I'm going to go back on the Joe Rogan experience after four, five, six years.
00:00:50.000 I don't know when the last time I was here.
00:00:51.000 Probably five, right?
00:00:52.000 I don't know.
00:00:53.000 It's been a while.
00:00:55.000 And so they go, lean into the discomfort.
00:00:59.000 Start with what you least want to share.
00:01:02.000 And I go...
00:01:04.000 This is me trying to...
00:01:05.000 They don't know you that well.
00:01:08.000 That's fucking terrible advice for you.
00:01:11.000 So I sit there, I'm driving over here, and I go, okay, start with what I least want to share.
00:01:16.000 I pulled over on Van Nuys Boulevard, and I puked.
00:01:20.000 Really?
00:01:21.000 Yeah, I puked.
00:01:22.000 Wow.
00:01:23.000 I have a...
00:01:23.000 I'm, uh...
00:01:25.000 I don't get nervous.
00:01:26.000 You know, I used to have my own podcasts.
00:01:28.000 I've talked to you a million times.
00:01:29.000 Um...
00:01:32.000 I just had like a visceral response, and I was like...
00:01:34.000 And I just pulled over on Van Nuys, and I think someone took a picture of me, so if you're out there...
00:01:41.000 I don't get nervous.
00:01:42.000 Like, these things, like, I'm able to just almost disassociate.
00:01:46.000 It's like, whatever, and just go into any situation.
00:01:49.000 And I just felt, you know, and I was like, oh, maybe it was the breakfast I had.
00:01:54.000 I had a hard-boiled egg and chia pudding.
00:01:57.000 That's what I had for breakfast.
00:01:58.000 That's it?
00:01:59.000 That's it.
00:02:00.000 And I pull over, and I was like, oh, my God.
00:02:03.000 I'm fucking nervous.
00:02:04.000 I'm just going to puke.
00:02:05.000 I just puke.
00:02:06.000 There's a guy, like, And then I get in the car and I'm like...
00:02:06.000 I look across the street.
00:02:12.000 Do I really want to share with Joe that I tried on like four different outfits last night?
00:02:19.000 Do I want to share with him that I got caught yesterday at...
00:02:23.000 I was eating at...
00:02:24.000 There's a place called Johnny Pastrami's in West Adams that just opened.
00:02:27.000 It's an old restaurant that just reopened.
00:02:29.000 And I know the guy that runs it, Danny.
00:02:32.000 And he said, you know, there's an outdoor...
00:02:35.000 I only eat in outdoor spots right now.
00:02:37.000 And I'm like, what the fuck?
00:02:40.000 I'm so scared I'm going to be cancelled if I talk to Joe.
00:02:42.000 You're going to be fine.
00:02:44.000 We're going to maneuver our way through this.
00:02:46.000 But then I go, I've been cancelled so many times, like I kind of like it.
00:02:49.000 It feels good.
00:02:50.000 You haven't been cancelled since the age of real cancelling though.
00:02:54.000 The age of real cancelling has been since you were on the podcast last.
00:02:57.000 That's when cancelling has kicked up to a new level because now the pylons happen.
00:03:03.000 Right.
00:03:03.000 Before, it was just canceling.
00:03:05.000 You'd get in trouble for things.
00:03:06.000 Someone would write an article.
00:03:07.000 You'd be like, oh my god, what did David do?
00:03:09.000 He's crazy.
00:03:10.000 But now, the pylon, the social media and the effectiveness of the pylon has been established.
00:03:16.000 So now, whenever anything happens to someone, all the pylon people.
00:03:22.000 But I like getting canceled.
00:03:25.000 You enjoy it?
00:03:26.000 Did you see the Michael Jordan documentary?
00:03:28.000 I still haven't seen it.
00:03:29.000 Alright, I'm not gonna ruin it for you, but it's...
00:03:32.000 I heard it's awesome.
00:03:34.000 The actual filmmaking is kind of amateurish, but the subject matter is so dynamic that, like, you're in it.
00:03:39.000 And, like, the guy's a full-on gambling addict, you know?
00:03:42.000 And...
00:03:43.000 It's 12 episodes.
00:03:44.000 It could have probably been like four.
00:03:46.000 And the story's the same.
00:03:48.000 It's just, this guy didn't give me the best seat on the airplane.
00:03:51.000 This guy overlooked me in high school.
00:03:53.000 It's like all these slights and he takes it and he uses it as fuel.
00:03:57.000 And so I sit here and I go, I'm driving to Joe Rogan's right now.
00:04:00.000 I'm scared to be canceled.
00:04:01.000 And I sit here and I go, every fucking horrible thing that's happened in my life.
00:04:06.000 Physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, spiritual abuse, prison, getting my career taken away or this or, you know, anything has always led to bigger and better.
00:04:16.000 So I'm like, kind of like it, you know?
00:04:18.000 That's, yeah, but that's just because you're a real person.
00:04:22.000 Like, you're not full of shit in any way, shape or form.
00:04:25.000 You might be crazy.
00:04:26.000 But you're a lovable crazy.
00:04:29.000 And when people know who you actually are, it's like you have these moments where things are uncomfortable and you're confronted with a bad scene, but then you rise above.
00:04:42.000 Thank you.
00:04:43.000 I appreciate that.
00:04:44.000 What is your threshold with receiving compliments?
00:04:48.000 My threshold?
00:04:49.000 Yeah, what's your comfort level?
00:04:51.000 I haven't seen you in a long time.
00:04:52.000 Yeah, it's been a while.
00:04:54.000 Can I give you five?
00:04:57.000 Okay.
00:04:57.000 Sure.
00:05:00.000 You only look better as you get older.
00:05:03.000 Oh, thank you.
00:05:03.000 You have a beautifully shaped skull.
00:05:06.000 As an artist, as a sculptor, I painted you.
00:05:10.000 I don't like the painting anymore.
00:05:11.000 I think I can do a better one now.
00:05:12.000 It's awesome.
00:05:12.000 It's an awesome painting.
00:05:14.000 I'm like, this guy, like all artists and sculptors out there listening, paint this guy's skull, it's beautiful.
00:05:21.000 You're unbelievably curious, inspirational, you give me hope, you're funny, you're entertaining, and you're a leader.
00:05:32.000 Just talk to all your guys right now, like you're leading this charge to Texas right now.
00:05:37.000 And you're a perfectly imperfect Unrepeatable miracle of the universe.
00:05:46.000 Wow, that's heavy.
00:05:48.000 You're great, man.
00:05:49.000 Well, that's very sweet of you.
00:05:50.000 I appreciate you.
00:05:51.000 Thank you very much, man.
00:05:52.000 That's very nice of you.
00:05:53.000 Yeah, I love, you know, I haven't talked to you in a long time, but I told you, I just...
00:05:59.000 I'm sure a lot of people feel this way.
00:06:01.000 You're just on all the time.
00:06:03.000 You're on YouTube or on a podcast or on someone else's podcast.
00:06:07.000 So I'm like, fuck, I think about you.
00:06:10.000 You're in my head.
00:06:11.000 Can I give you an on-air gift?
00:06:14.000 Sure.
00:06:16.000 While I was trying on all my outfits last night, I was like, I want to see who Joe's talking to.
00:06:21.000 This mic smells like Post Malone.
00:06:25.000 So I was painting last night, and I made you this shirt.
00:06:30.000 Oh my goodness.
00:06:30.000 Because you guys got on a little thing.
00:06:32.000 I didn't listen to the whole episode yet because it's four hours, but you were talking about ghosts at the beach.
00:06:38.000 Ghosts on the beach.
00:06:39.000 So there's ghosts on the beach right there.
00:06:41.000 You made this?
00:06:42.000 Well, I didn't make the...
00:06:43.000 The artwork.
00:06:46.000 You see the ghosts on the front?
00:06:47.000 Yes!
00:06:48.000 It's fucking awesome!
00:06:49.000 You can wear it.
00:06:49.000 You can give it away.
00:06:50.000 Dude, I'm going to wear the shit out of this.
00:06:52.000 Thank you very much, man.
00:06:55.000 That's so cool.
00:06:57.000 You're welcome.
00:06:57.000 That's awesome, man.
00:06:59.000 Ghosts on the beach.
00:07:00.000 Yeah, you never see ghosts on the beach.
00:07:02.000 All the ghost stories are always at night.
00:07:04.000 It's true, right?
00:07:05.000 Yeah.
00:07:05.000 That was a good point.
00:07:07.000 I felt like I made a good point.
00:07:08.000 That was a great point.
00:07:09.000 Because, like, I mean, if ghosts were real, like, if they were really scary, you'd see them in cool times, like, at the pool.
00:07:16.000 You know?
00:07:17.000 In Vegas, drinking, everybody's having fun.
00:07:19.000 Fucking ghost shows up, freaks everybody out.
00:07:21.000 Never.
00:07:23.000 So, I got all the embarrassing stuff out of the way, I think.
00:07:26.000 Oh, no.
00:07:27.000 So, I was at this outdoor restaurant eating at the corner.
00:07:31.000 And not having a full-on panic attack, but I have a nice, beautiful, wonderful, quiet life now.
00:07:38.000 I'm not on the air.
00:07:40.000 I don't do podcasts.
00:07:40.000 I don't do interviews.
00:07:42.000 I'm not...
00:07:42.000 Like, my life is amazing.
00:07:45.000 Like, I completely changed my life since the last time I saw you.
00:07:48.000 And...
00:07:49.000 I go, I do want to talk to Joe, but maybe I'll just talk to you on the phone or go visit you in Texas.
00:07:54.000 Do I need to go on the air?
00:07:56.000 Well, I gave you that option.
00:07:57.000 I was like, you don't have to do this.
00:07:59.000 Right, but I'm a sick person.
00:08:01.000 But you're a fun guy.
00:08:02.000 You're fun.
00:08:03.000 People enjoy listening to you.
00:08:05.000 So I had this sculpture that I made and it was in my car and I just brought it out and I sat next to it and I said, I'm just going to prepare a little bit.
00:08:15.000 So I started preparing for the Joe Rogan experience and I started talking to this sculpture and I'm like looking, I'm like, you know, it's three o'clock.
00:08:22.000 There was no one eating there.
00:08:24.000 And I got caught.
00:08:25.000 I got caught.
00:08:26.000 Caught talking to a sculpture?
00:08:27.000 I got caught talking to a sculpture.
00:08:29.000 I was talking to this thing I made.
00:08:31.000 And it wasn't a friend, but it was a guy I knew.
00:08:33.000 And he's like, Dave?
00:08:35.000 And he comes over and I'm like, oh, fuck, dude!
00:08:37.000 And he's like, shame, red face.
00:08:40.000 I'm like, oh, hey.
00:08:41.000 And he's like, are you talking to a thing right now?
00:08:42.000 And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm going on this thing tomorrow.
00:08:44.000 I just wanted to prepare a little bit.
00:08:46.000 I'm a little bit nervous.
00:08:47.000 I got my nerves.
00:08:48.000 I'm...
00:08:50.000 Because I talked to you, what, Thursday?
00:08:52.000 No, I talked to you a few days ago.
00:08:55.000 And we talked for a while, and I'm like, this guy is a professional talker.
00:09:00.000 He's a commentator.
00:09:01.000 He's a stand-up.
00:09:02.000 He has this podcast that goes on for hours and hours, thousands of hours.
00:09:08.000 It's an art.
00:09:09.000 You're a painter.
00:09:10.000 You're an MMA artist.
00:09:11.000 In my world, I'm also an MMA artist, mixed media artist, right?
00:09:15.000 That's the bisexual of painting.
00:09:17.000 It's like, you use everything.
00:09:19.000 Anything goes.
00:09:21.000 So, I go, this guy is so fucking good at it.
00:09:25.000 Because I got off the phone with you, and I'm like, he's so good at talking.
00:09:29.000 He's so good at talking.
00:09:30.000 It's like when you practice something so much that you don't even know how good you are at it, you know?
00:09:37.000 And...
00:09:39.000 Even your podcast, they go on for a few hours, which is against...
00:09:44.000 Everyone's like, oh, kids, they have no attention span these days.
00:09:47.000 It's like 10 seconds, 15 seconds.
00:09:49.000 It's fucking TikToks or Instagram.
00:09:51.000 And here's this guy.
00:09:52.000 He's talking to Post Malone for four hours and making it seem just seamless and effortless.
00:09:58.000 And that's because you're a master at it.
00:10:01.000 And I go, I'm a...
00:10:05.000 My confidence level, as far as this art form, is low.
00:10:09.000 I don't talk to people anymore.
00:10:10.000 I mean, I talk to my friends, but I don't talk as storytelling or entertainment.
00:10:15.000 My memory's shot to shit.
00:10:17.000 I watched three seasons of Ozark, and I can't even tell you anyone's name.
00:10:21.000 I go, there's Jason Bateman, and there's the kid, and the kid with the drone, and I don't know, the wife.
00:10:27.000 I don't know anyone's names.
00:10:28.000 I can't recall anything.
00:10:32.000 And you have all these scientists that are brilliant, you have comedians, and everyone's like quick-witted, and they're fast, and they're...
00:10:37.000 And I go, I'm dim-witted.
00:10:40.000 I'm like a human soft-serve.
00:10:42.000 I'm like...
00:10:44.000 Are you comparing yourself to the other people?
00:10:46.000 You gotta let that go right now.
00:10:48.000 You are who you are.
00:10:49.000 The other people can't do what you do.
00:10:53.000 That's true.
00:10:54.000 Yeah, your abstract way of thinking, like the way you are as a person, you're so freely yourself, that's what allows you to create such amazing art.
00:11:02.000 You're free.
00:11:04.000 Some people can't be themselves.
00:11:05.000 They're not good at it.
00:11:06.000 You're really good at being David Cho.
00:11:10.000 You're really good at it.
00:11:10.000 Thank you.
00:11:11.000 I'm horrible at taking compliments, by the way, so thank you.
00:11:14.000 It's uncomfortable for everybody, I think, unless you're a real creep.
00:11:16.000 You did it great right now.
00:11:17.000 Just hung in there.
00:11:18.000 You're fucking awesome.
00:11:19.000 That was good.
00:11:19.000 Just hung in there.
00:11:20.000 Could I have done more?
00:11:22.000 Could I have given you, like...
00:11:23.000 No, we're good.
00:11:24.000 We're good.
00:11:25.000 You want to hear something funny?
00:11:26.000 Okay.
00:11:27.000 So the reason why I kind of did that was...
00:11:31.000 I wake up every morning wracked with anxiety and nerves, and it starts immediately.
00:11:36.000 You're a piece of shit, you're no good, people don't like you, this and that.
00:11:40.000 And then, like, what did I say when you showed me my painting from 2018?
00:11:43.000 I immediately have to self-dep, that's not that good, I could do a better one.
00:11:47.000 So, I talk to my therapist about it, I say, I don't have a self, I don't have a high self-opinion of myself, and they go, well, An average human living in society today,
00:12:04.000 from morning till night, will say thousands of horrible things about themselves.
00:12:10.000 Like, I'm not good enough, I'm fat, I'm ugly, this and that.
00:12:10.000 Like, thousands.
00:12:15.000 And for you to say just a few nice things, I'm like, one of those is some fucking Stuart Smalley shit.
00:12:20.000 And I'm good enough.
00:12:21.000 And they go, see, you did it again.
00:12:24.000 You just went right into it.
00:12:25.000 Like, why can't you say you're a good painter?
00:12:28.000 You know you're a good painter.
00:12:29.000 Why can't you say you're...
00:12:31.000 And so they go, give me five right now.
00:12:34.000 Say five fucking things about yourself that...
00:12:34.000 Five what?
00:12:37.000 And I couldn't give them one.
00:12:39.000 I couldn't give them one.
00:12:40.000 And they're like, don't you think that's...
00:12:42.000 Has that always been the case?
00:12:44.000 I think so.
00:12:45.000 I think it's...
00:12:46.000 To go into that kind of self-hatred is...
00:12:50.000 I could sit here and say it's a Korean thing.
00:12:53.000 K-rage.
00:12:54.000 But it's...
00:12:55.000 K-rage.
00:12:57.000 They said, you know, take a stick of deodorant.
00:13:00.000 Go home tonight.
00:13:01.000 And write, I am enough.
00:13:03.000 On your mirror.
00:13:05.000 So you see it every morning.
00:13:07.000 And I go, I'm not doing that.
00:13:08.000 That's so stupid.
00:13:09.000 That's fucking retarded.
00:13:11.000 You're wasting deodorant.
00:13:12.000 They go, you're paying us.
00:13:12.000 Yeah.
00:13:15.000 Just do it.
00:13:15.000 You're here.
00:13:16.000 I'll do it.
00:13:16.000 All right, fine.
00:13:17.000 I go and I write, I am, I misspell it, E-N-U-F-F. I am enough.
00:13:21.000 And then I go next week and they go, so how's it going?
00:13:25.000 You know, brushing your teeth.
00:13:26.000 You look at, I'm enough.
00:13:27.000 I can't see it.
00:13:28.000 They're like, what kind of deodorant did you use?
00:13:29.000 You know, the clear invisible one.
00:13:32.000 No, get the thick, white, chunky, whatever.
00:13:35.000 Yeah, Old Spice.
00:13:38.000 You're a fucking graffiti artist, right?
00:13:41.000 So, okay.
00:13:43.000 And I said, I can do it, but I don't believe it.
00:13:49.000 Because I can sit here and tell you the amount of times in my life that I wasn't enough.
00:13:55.000 Like, I can sit here and go through many, many stories of women dumping me for richer, better looking, more famous, better this, better that.
00:14:05.000 I can tell you of jobs I didn't get.
00:14:07.000 So, I'm not enough.
00:14:09.000 And I'm not, you know, so...
00:14:12.000 And it's this struggle.
00:14:13.000 It's this burning fucking, like the Michael Jordan shit.
00:14:16.000 Like, I gotta fucking...
00:14:17.000 I'm not at war, I'm not...
00:14:19.000 You can't fucking cancel me!
00:14:21.000 I've already cancelled myself.
00:14:23.000 How are you gonna cancel someone who's already cancelled?
00:14:25.000 There's nothing you're gonna say, there's nothing you're gonna fucking do that's gonna outweigh anything I've already said to myself.
00:14:32.000 You go, ah, that guy sucks, he's ugly, he's fat, he's full of shit.
00:14:35.000 I've already said that.
00:14:37.000 You know?
00:14:38.000 Do you think that fuels your art?
00:14:40.000 Do you think there's a benefit?
00:14:42.000 Absolutely!
00:14:42.000 Absolutely!
00:14:43.000 But, you know, there's been that debate forever.
00:14:51.000 How do you create great art?
00:14:53.000 I'm not talking about good art, but, like, the transcendent art.
00:14:56.000 The art that, like, is...
00:14:58.000 You remember it.
00:14:59.000 It'll live on for generations.
00:15:01.000 And it's like, oh, it's like Picasso and Van Gogh and all the comedians that fucking hate their...
00:15:09.000 It wasn't a debate for me.
00:15:11.000 When I look at the art that I enjoy, the comedy that I like, the music that I like, you must fucking suffer.
00:15:18.000 You must suffer.
00:15:19.000 You have to suffer.
00:15:22.000 Comfort is the killer of creativity, that's what I used to say.
00:15:26.000 And, you know, I'm saying it now, but I'd be in a room ranting this.
00:15:32.000 Comfort is the killer of creativity!
00:15:35.000 It's the killer of everything, man.
00:15:36.000 But I'm rich as fuck.
00:15:38.000 I'm very comfortable.
00:15:39.000 But you're comfortable financially, but that's how you keep sharp.
00:15:43.000 You keep sharp by not being comfortable in other ways.
00:15:45.000 So I sit there and I'm going off on this rant.
00:15:48.000 I'm like in a fucking echo chamber.
00:15:49.000 They're like, how long have you been telling this story for?
00:15:51.000 My whole life.
00:15:52.000 It's not a debate for me.
00:15:54.000 Do you know great artists that are comfortable and they're happy and they have loving families?
00:16:01.000 There's always something.
00:16:02.000 There's always something.
00:16:03.000 I think you can have a balance, but you have to have this thing.
00:16:08.000 Whatever that thing is, there's got to be some sort of a struggle.
00:16:10.000 And that was never a debate for me.
00:16:12.000 I go, there has to be that struggle.
00:16:14.000 And they go...
00:16:15.000 But what if you take it away?
00:16:16.000 Like what if you chose happiness over great art?
00:16:18.000 What if you chose...
00:16:20.000 And they go, Dave, for someone who's rebelled and like made your own rules and done everything your own way, it's so weird that you just kind of accept this.
00:16:29.000 They go, can, like what you just said, can great transcendent next level art be created without that thing, without that edge, without, with you pursuing joy and peace and love in your life?
00:16:42.000 And I go, you know what?
00:16:45.000 Never tried it.
00:16:47.000 I never tried it.
00:16:48.000 Why haven't you tried it?
00:16:51.000 What did you just say?
00:16:53.000 I don't know.
00:16:54.000 F-E-P-S-H. Fear, ego, pride, shame, humiliation.
00:17:00.000 That's why you never tried it.
00:17:02.000 Alright.
00:17:03.000 Fuck.
00:17:05.000 And I go, you know what?
00:17:06.000 I'll try it.
00:17:07.000 And today I'm the happiest I've ever been.
00:17:10.000 I think I might be a little bit sick because I'm sitting here.
00:17:14.000 Because I'm like...
00:17:17.000 Why would I risk how awesome my life is right now?
00:17:20.000 Why do you keep saying that?
00:17:21.000 Why do you think that you're going to risk?
00:17:24.000 You're a fun guy to talk to.
00:17:26.000 We're going to have fun.
00:17:27.000 But you associate public speaking and podcasts with causing trouble.
00:17:32.000 Because you were so...
00:17:33.000 For people who don't know, your podcast was legendary for being so ridiculous.
00:17:39.000 Jamie, you guys are moving to Texas, right?
00:17:40.000 Yeah.
00:17:42.000 Will there be any vacation or break between...
00:17:45.000 A little small, but like...
00:17:48.000 I associate...
00:17:49.000 I guess because I tell myself a story.
00:17:54.000 I know a lot of podcasters.
00:17:57.000 I know a lot of comedians.
00:18:00.000 And they don't...
00:18:01.000 Oh, okay.
00:18:02.000 You know what?
00:18:03.000 Fuck that.
00:18:03.000 Forget.
00:18:04.000 I'll use I statements.
00:18:05.000 I had a podcast.
00:18:07.000 And as...
00:18:09.000 You're a buck wild podcast, son.
00:18:11.000 I would listen to your podcast sometimes and I would go, God damn, Dave.
00:18:16.000 Holy shit.
00:18:17.000 And you saying that right now, I get a hit right now.
00:18:19.000 There's a dopamine charge going on.
00:18:21.000 That was fun podcast, man.
00:18:22.000 The great Joe Rogan is telling me my show is buck wild.
00:18:26.000 Well, it's like you.
00:18:28.000 Even the way you describe your own anxiety and self-hatred, it's like there's a freedom to your expression that you would talk about on the podcast.
00:18:37.000 You would say the most embarrassing, humiliating shit, and you would say it freely and openly and then discuss why it's embarrassing and why it's humiliating.
00:18:46.000 And what you did wrong and what was fucked up about it and what you were thinking while you were doing, how you knew it was fucked up.
00:18:52.000 It was like riveting, man.
00:18:54.000 I remember I was parked in my car once and you and us, I forget what you guys were talking about, but I was like, Jesus Christ, I have to see how this plays out.
00:19:01.000 So I'm sitting there.
00:19:03.000 I didn't get out of my car for like five minutes just waiting for this conversation to play out.
00:19:07.000 Wow.
00:19:08.000 Thank you.
00:19:09.000 I mean, I don't even know where you would even listen to it.
00:19:11.000 I have a strong support system of friends and family that care about me.
00:19:16.000 And when I went off the rails and completely lost my mind, they took it off the air, which I went crazy.
00:19:21.000 Like, I don't even...
00:19:22.000 Well, this was back when it was on there.
00:19:24.000 I'm sure it's like on the dark web somewhere.
00:19:26.000 Oh, for sure.
00:19:27.000 Well, we were talking the other day about how you kept recording it.
00:19:30.000 You didn't release any of them.
00:19:31.000 I never stopped.
00:19:32.000 I know, but what I said is, what you should do is, because you were talking about doing it again, and you're like, should I do it again?
00:19:38.000 Like, what the fuck?
00:19:39.000 My life is so good right now, should I do it again?
00:19:41.000 This is why, I'll tell you what I said over the phone, and I'll say it to you in person.
00:19:45.000 You should do it if you want to.
00:19:47.000 And the reason why you should do it if you want to is because the world needs more wild people.
00:19:51.000 The world needs more wild people.
00:19:54.000 People are goddamn scared right now, David.
00:19:57.000 They're scared.
00:19:58.000 There's a bunch of people out there that are terrified to be free.
00:20:01.000 They're terrified to express themselves because they're so worried about being attacked.
00:20:05.000 And that self-limiting and self-censoring is one of the real problems with social media censorship.
00:20:11.000 It's not just that you're censoring people for opinions you don't agree with, but it causes other people to self-censor because they're afraid of being cancelled.
00:20:19.000 I can't control myself.
00:20:20.000 Of course you can't.
00:20:21.000 And this is a fucking...
00:20:22.000 I went on Stern.
00:20:23.000 That was live.
00:20:24.000 Yeah.
00:20:24.000 This isn't live?
00:20:26.000 No.
00:20:26.000 Okay.
00:20:26.000 But you used to be live.
00:20:28.000 Yeah.
00:20:28.000 It's a fucking high-wire act.
00:20:29.000 The live thing is a high-wire act.
00:20:32.000 I'm a severe codependent person.
00:20:36.000 When I go on the Joe Rogan show...
00:20:38.000 Like, I feel like an absolute failure when I leave here if I'm like, I didn't make Joe laugh, I didn't entertain him.
00:20:42.000 You already made me laugh.
00:20:43.000 We can stop it right now.
00:20:44.000 No, but I'm saying, so at that time, we're going back five, six, seven years, I felt I need to one-up myself every time.
00:20:54.000 Like, man, Joe just said, fuck, man, you went to a crazy place with Asa.
00:20:57.000 So I was like, I took my, you ever, do you have a lot of, I know we were talking about Alex Gray, but you have a lot of painters on here?
00:21:06.000 I've had painters on here.
00:21:08.000 I wouldn't say a lot, but...
00:21:09.000 They're horrible speakers.
00:21:10.000 They live up here, so they have a very hard time verbalizing.
00:21:15.000 And I get there sometimes.
00:21:16.000 Well, Alex, he's one of my favorites to have on and to talk to, but he's just so...
00:21:22.000 Deeply embedded in the spirit world.
00:21:24.000 He's got like two feet on earth and the rest of his body is in this dimension of spirits.
00:21:31.000 He's an anomaly, but usually artistic types, painters, artists, they have a very difficult time speaking, which is why they paint.
00:21:38.000 Right.
00:21:39.000 They're internalizing everything.
00:21:40.000 And I got bored of painting.
00:21:44.000 In the same way that when I went to go to the...
00:21:47.000 I'm going to kind of do a weird flex right now, but I went to the Picasso Museum in Spain, and they have all his art displayed by decade.
00:21:57.000 Here's his art from 0 to 10, 10 to 20. If you look at the art that he did by the time he was 15...
00:22:05.000 As an artist that he's bored.
00:22:07.000 He knows how to paint whatever like all his...
00:22:10.000 Realistic stuff.
00:22:11.000 And then you just see him going, I'm bored with that.
00:22:14.000 Let me go cubist.
00:22:15.000 Let me go blue period.
00:22:16.000 Let me...
00:22:17.000 And then at the end, it's just scribbles, right?
00:22:19.000 It's just like, fuck, I'm trying my hardest to get back to drawing like a kid where I don't give a fuck, you know?
00:22:25.000 And people go, I like this stuff.
00:22:27.000 And for me, I'm like, man, I... People, oh man, that guy just got lucky.
00:22:36.000 Everything I come in, I come with like a killer attitude, you know?
00:22:39.000 So when I did Howard Stern, when I did your show, and I just started, I was like a year and a half.
00:22:45.000 I remember I met with Jason Kaplan, the producer of The Stern Show, and he's like, you know, we have a channel here at Sirius.
00:22:51.000 And I'm like...
00:22:53.000 Hold on timeout.
00:22:54.000 I've been podcasting for fucking one year and I'm gonna be on the Howard net like my head was like exploding I'm like so they offered you a show on their channel that we were talking about it And I was like getting pumped up and I was like I fucking knew I was awesome at talking I fucking knew this shit and and I go but what am I what are we doing talking about relationships I'm talking to a porn star.
00:23:15.000 I'm talking to this How do I take it to the next level?
00:23:20.000 How do I, like, when I close my eyes and I hear a podcast, oh, I'm going to interview this interesting person, and can you believe this person, and this shit, and it's facts, interesting things, story, weird anecdote, and I go, talking, talking, fuck!
00:23:32.000 Enough with the fucking talking, like, I'm a fucking artist.
00:23:36.000 I'm a fucking artist, like, I want to bring some shit to this.
00:23:39.000 Well, what does that look like?
00:23:41.000 My guest today is Yellow.
00:23:45.000 What?
00:23:46.000 I'm the color blue.
00:23:47.000 What?
00:23:48.000 What are you talking about, Dave?
00:23:50.000 So I'll tell you.
00:23:51.000 And you fucking tell me here in person whether this shit should come out or not.
00:23:54.000 I feel like I need to get high.
00:23:56.000 Go for it.
00:23:57.000 Just keep going.
00:23:58.000 I go, what is that like for me to meditate, close my eyes, and be the color blue?
00:24:04.000 Not think about the color blue, but be the exact color blue.
00:24:07.000 And my guest today is yellow.
00:24:10.000 Okay?
00:24:10.000 You don't get high, right?
00:24:12.000 I don't get high.
00:24:13.000 I think you'll see why I don't need...
00:24:16.000 I already see it.
00:24:18.000 And then I go, oh fuck.
00:24:22.000 I'll get triggered one day and I'll think of someone who's like my enemy, someone who's coming after me.
00:24:27.000 I'll be like, fuck this guy, fuck.
00:24:29.000 And I'll read all the comments and shit and it's like, Dave Cho is a piece of shit.
00:24:34.000 I'm gonna become my victimizer right now.
00:24:37.000 And the person I'm gonna interview is myself as a kidnap victim.
00:24:43.000 What?
00:24:44.000 So I gag myself.
00:24:46.000 I gag myself and then I become the person who just kidnapped me.
00:24:52.000 And I start screaming, Dave, you're a fucking piece of shit, because you fucking do this, and you steal, and you rip off people, and you're a fucking...
00:24:58.000 And then it sounds like...
00:25:00.000 And I'm not pretending.
00:25:08.000 I'm not pretending.
00:25:10.000 I'm so...
00:25:13.000 You're locked in.
00:25:14.000 I'm like, my only goal right now is to try to convince this guy to let me go.
00:25:14.000 I'm locked in.
00:25:20.000 Like, I'm a kidnap victim right now.
00:25:22.000 Right.
00:25:22.000 And I go, I need to fucking figure out how to, like, hostage negotiate myself out of this.
00:25:27.000 And then I play this guy who's like, my only job right now is to murder you.
00:25:33.000 I want to fucking kill you right now.
00:25:36.000 And my friends come in, open the podcast door.
00:25:39.000 I'm on the floor in the fetal position.
00:25:41.000 And they're like, let's go to dinner.
00:25:42.000 And I'm like, can you guys, you guys want to hear what I just recorded?
00:25:47.000 This should never go out into the world.
00:25:49.000 This should never go out.
00:25:51.000 And I go, hey, I'm not gay.
00:25:54.000 But...
00:25:55.000 What would it be like to just do a podcast with a huge dick in your mouth?
00:25:58.000 So I go on Amazon, I order like a butt plug, and I stick it in my mouth, and for then three hours I go...
00:26:04.000 For three hours you did a podcast with a butt plug in your mouth?
00:26:07.000 Two and a half.
00:26:08.000 Two and a half.
00:26:09.000 What does it sound like?
00:26:11.000 You want me to send it to you?
00:26:12.000 Sure.
00:26:14.000 But why?
00:26:17.000 Wouldn't you just get it after like the first couple of seconds like, oh yeah, this isn't gonna work?
00:26:22.000 Hey, there's a lot of nuance to butt plugs and where it's going to go.
00:26:26.000 Right, there's no standard butt plugs.
00:26:27.000 It's not like Q-tips.
00:26:29.000 I was getting TMJ, my jaw was hurting.
00:26:29.000 It was a huge one.
00:26:31.000 And so I'm listening to this stuff and my friends are like, at this point, there's no difference between you and the homeless guy on the street that's talking to himself, that's having a fight with his boss that fired him 20 years ago.
00:26:45.000 And I go, were you raised religious at all?
00:26:51.000 From the time I was like five till I was around seven, I kicked it.
00:26:57.000 You ever see people talk in tongues?
00:27:01.000 I have never seen that live, but I've seen a lot of videos.
00:27:04.000 It looks like it'd be a good time.
00:27:05.000 So see, you're an adult, so you're like, this would be a good time.
00:27:07.000 As a kid, terrifying.
00:27:09.000 Terrifying, right?
00:27:11.000 So you've seen it.
00:27:11.000 So my mom took me to this church, and I I mean, I'm scarred, you know, like...
00:27:18.000 Is it Pentecostal?
00:27:19.000 It was Baptist.
00:27:20.000 Baptist.
00:27:21.000 So I walk into this room, and I was six, five years old, writhing.
00:27:28.000 And I go, Mom, let's get the fuck out of it.
00:27:36.000 And they're like, these people are touched by God right now.
00:27:39.000 They're talking directly to God.
00:27:41.000 And I go, oh my...
00:27:43.000 And it stayed with me, you know.
00:27:46.000 I started teaching autistic children when I used to live in San Jose art.
00:27:51.000 I tried to help give back to the community, and my friend said, can you start teaching this kid Joseph?
00:27:59.000 And then I led to a network of all these autistic children that needed art lessons.
00:28:03.000 So I meet this kid Steven, and he can't put a sentence together.
00:28:10.000 Hi, Dave.
00:28:11.000 Oh, hey, come on, let's paint today.
00:28:14.000 Fearless.
00:28:16.000 And we go outside on my deck, and we look at the San Jose skyline, right?
00:28:20.000 Photographic memory.
00:28:21.000 Photographic, like...
00:28:22.000 Not to scale, like everything's off proportion, looks very like...
00:28:26.000 I come back, I go, okay, Steven, let's paint.
00:28:30.000 He starts drawing buildings, and I'm like, fuck.
00:28:32.000 And like this, like not looking, just like...
00:28:35.000 And like a...
00:28:36.000 Like some kind of weird...
00:28:38.000 And I go...
00:28:42.000 This fucking guy that can't put a sentence together is a genius.
00:28:46.000 He has a photographic...
00:28:47.000 Something in his brain is tapped into something that I'm not tapped into, and now some words are coming out of his mouth that sound like that fucking tongues kind of stuff.
00:28:56.000 You ever see that Jay-Z documentary where they show him like he never writes anything down?
00:29:03.000 Like it's all in his head?
00:29:03.000 Yeah, I've heard that.
00:29:04.000 And he does like a weird mumbling.
00:29:07.000 Oh, where he's like doing a...
00:29:07.000 He's like...
00:29:09.000 But it sounds like that.
00:29:12.000 So I go, I need to do a podcast about that.
00:29:16.000 So I go in the room and I go, right now, as someone who's never spoken in tongues or not hooked into whatever Jay-Z's hooked into and whatever my friend Steven, I'm going to talk.
00:29:26.000 That one went on for six hours.
00:29:29.000 Six hours of me creating an alien fucking language trying to talk directly to God, and that one 100% my friends go, you cannot put this out!
00:29:39.000 You have a fucking butt plug in your mouth, you're talking in tongues to God, you're kidnapping yourself, and...
00:29:44.000 Hold on, these aren't all the same episode, right?
00:29:46.000 No, no, the many different...
00:29:47.000 But the butt plug, you didn't talk tongues with the butt plug, right?
00:29:49.000 It sounds very similar, those two episodes sound very similar.
00:29:52.000 But the talking tongues, so there was no real words, you just sat down and decided...
00:29:56.000 This is what the butt plug one sounds like.
00:30:01.000 How many hours does it go for?
00:30:03.000 I thought you don't understand why you wouldn't have stopped after the first few seconds.
00:30:11.000 That's a hell of a butt plug.
00:30:13.000 Like a water bottle, an eight ounce...
00:30:15.000 What is it?
00:30:16.000 Eight ounces?
00:30:17.000 16 ounces.
00:30:18.000 Yeah, 8 ounces would be not that big a deal.
00:30:23.000 I get it.
00:30:24.000 So the language thing that you did, did you talk any English or just get in there?
00:30:31.000 My goal was, don't try to, I want this to sound like complete gibberish.
00:30:38.000 Right.
00:30:38.000 So from the moment you started, there was no, like, hello, I'm going to try something right now.
00:30:43.000 No, no, no.
00:30:45.000 You know who did that, man?
00:30:46.000 It was real weird.
00:30:47.000 McKenna used to do that.
00:30:49.000 Terrence McKenna used to do it.
00:30:51.000 I think he did it under the influence of psychedelics.
00:30:54.000 He would talk in, like, these weird, crazy, fake words.
00:30:59.000 What is that called?
00:31:01.000 There's a term for it, not just speaking in tongues.
00:31:04.000 Glossolalia?
00:31:05.000 Is that it?
00:31:05.000 Gibberish.
00:31:05.000 That's what you got.
00:31:06.000 Oh, a scat?
00:31:07.000 It's called glossolalia.
00:31:09.000 Yeah.
00:31:09.000 Oh, is this McKenna?
00:31:10.000 Yeah, play this just so you can listen to some of this.
00:31:21.000 It's language-like activity in the absence of meaning.
00:31:25.000 Oh, he talks about it.
00:31:27.000 Well, I've heard him do it in...
00:31:29.000 There was a song.
00:31:31.000 He did a thing with...
00:31:34.000 You want to try it with me right now?
00:31:36.000 What do you want to do?
00:31:36.000 Sure.
00:31:38.000 Don't use any words that sound like the English language.
00:31:42.000 Just close your eyes and try to think.
00:31:44.000 Why do I have to close my eyes?
00:31:44.000 Just to like, you don't have to close your eyes.
00:31:52.000 Sounds fake.
00:31:57.000 See?
00:31:58.000 We need time.
00:31:59.000 You need time.
00:31:59.000 Need time to work on that.
00:32:01.000 But does anyone need to hear that?
00:32:08.000 See, I need to get on that level.
00:32:14.000 I fucking dare you to do stand-up in that language.
00:32:16.000 No, people pay money.
00:32:18.000 People pay money.
00:32:19.000 I can't do that to them.
00:32:20.000 I'll do it by myself alone, maybe.
00:32:22.000 But that thing, I was just joking around about it.
00:32:27.000 Was it the Post Malone thing?
00:32:29.000 What I was saying, I think that aliens would be so good at language, they would be able to talk to us in a language, and we would understand it.
00:32:38.000 That they would be able to figure out sound to the point where sound could embed information in sound with their super complicated language to the point where they could talk to you and you don't have to understand their language.
00:32:49.000 You don't know by now?
00:32:51.000 Well, what do I not know?
00:32:52.000 You're an alien.
00:32:55.000 Like, the amount you...
00:32:57.000 You don't think there's any part of you, that your fascination with it, that you might be like a sleeper cell?
00:33:04.000 No, I'm serious.
00:33:05.000 Like, what?
00:33:06.000 Come on.
00:33:07.000 I've heard all this, like, simulation theory.
00:33:10.000 What are the chances that this man with this beautifully shaped skull is born on planet Earth?
00:33:17.000 And whatever, there's probably some kind of block that's...
00:33:19.000 But then...
00:33:21.000 You become this person and you use the human voice to connect with sports, science, comedy, and then you amass an audience of hundreds of millions of people and I go,
00:33:38.000 this fucker's an alien.
00:33:40.000 No.
00:33:41.000 There's no way you're an alien?
00:33:42.000 No.
00:33:43.000 I think you're an alien.
00:33:43.000 I'm a moron.
00:33:44.000 Listen to me.
00:33:44.000 Trust me.
00:33:45.000 I just do things a lot.
00:33:47.000 That's what I do.
00:33:48.000 I just do things until I get good at them.
00:33:51.000 Start the church, man.
00:33:52.000 I'll fucking join.
00:33:54.000 Cho Rogan.
00:33:55.000 I don't have any talent at anything.
00:33:57.000 See?
00:33:58.000 You're doing it right now.
00:33:59.000 Other than working hard and getting obsessed with things.
00:34:02.000 That's my number one talent.
00:34:03.000 You're extremely talented.
00:34:05.000 Well, I had physical talent.
00:34:06.000 When I started doing Taekwondo, I had physical advantages that I recognized very early.
00:34:11.000 They're real advantages.
00:34:13.000 Like, some people just have extra speed, they have extra power, they have things that their body can do that's not warranted by the amount of effort they put into it.
00:34:22.000 There's that.
00:34:23.000 But outside of that, everything has just been being obsessed with things.
00:34:26.000 And that's a human characteristic.
00:34:28.000 That's not an alien characteristic.
00:34:32.000 A lot of it is like we have our own struggles, right?
00:34:35.000 Like your struggle is you tell yourself you're not good.
00:34:38.000 I don't tell myself I'm not good, but I'm never fully satisfied with anything.
00:34:44.000 Like anything that I do, personally.
00:34:47.000 Whether it's the way I behave, or the things that I write, or perform, or a podcast, or a stand-up comedy special.
00:34:54.000 So you do the same shit I just did.
00:34:56.000 Yeah, but I don't hate myself.
00:34:57.000 But I'm never happy.
00:34:59.000 I don't hate myself, but I'm never happy.
00:35:01.000 I get to a point where I go, alright, I did my best.
00:35:04.000 I know I put in the effort.
00:35:05.000 I know I researched it.
00:35:07.000 So that's what makes you inhuman.
00:35:09.000 Because most humans do hate themselves.
00:35:10.000 Well, what it is is that...
00:35:11.000 You alien motherfucker.
00:35:12.000 Because of the fact that I'm obsessed with doing better things, I put the work in.
00:35:18.000 And from my own personal experience, when I have had moments of self-hating, it's not like I've just never had any self-hating.
00:35:24.000 It was mostly because I didn't put the work in.
00:35:26.000 You spend a lot of time with this guy.
00:35:27.000 Have you ever seen him do, like, weird bathroom ritual or, like, anything that would be, like, non-human?
00:35:33.000 There's nothing non-human about me, man.
00:35:34.000 Maybe you're a fucking alien, too, Jamie.
00:35:36.000 Jamie's way more of an alien than me.
00:35:38.000 Jamie reads my mind, 100%.
00:35:40.000 Wow.
00:35:40.000 I'm about to say something, and Jamie will just go, and he'll type it up.
00:35:43.000 Did you know Chester from Linkin Park?
00:35:45.000 I did not.
00:35:46.000 I met him once, but I did not know him.
00:35:48.000 So I know Joe Han and his band, the DJ guy.
00:35:52.000 So I went to his house once and he played, I don't know what you call them, scratch tracks or something.
00:35:58.000 And the way I know that they make music is they all live in different cities.
00:36:03.000 So they just like the guitar player will make something and then send it to like Mike Shinoda.
00:36:07.000 And Joe played me an entire album.
00:36:12.000 Where Chester just sings over every track, gibberish.
00:36:15.000 Oh, wow.
00:36:16.000 And it sounded better than any of their music that I've ever heard of.
00:36:19.000 And it was like...
00:36:20.000 Because he's just trying to get the...
00:36:23.000 And it was like scat.
00:36:25.000 I don't know what you call it.
00:36:26.000 Do you know the Black Keys?
00:36:29.000 I've heard their music.
00:36:30.000 I don't know them.
00:36:30.000 Dan Auerbach?
00:36:31.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:36:32.000 He told me he just makes up words.
00:36:34.000 That's fucking awesome.
00:36:35.000 Yeah, he just like...
00:36:37.000 First of all, that guy smokes tons of weed.
00:36:41.000 I mean, just constantly high.
00:36:42.000 He's like, I get high and I just come up with lyrics.
00:36:45.000 I just start singing.
00:36:47.000 And I make up words.
00:36:47.000 I start playing.
00:36:49.000 Wow.
00:36:49.000 You make up words?
00:36:50.000 He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:36:51.000 So that's art.
00:36:53.000 Fuck, yeah, it's art.
00:36:54.000 So you just said something.
00:36:55.000 Black keys are phenomenal.
00:36:56.000 These people are paying money to come see me do comedy, so I'm not going to do my true alien tongue version stand-up set.
00:37:03.000 That's something I would have to practice.
00:37:04.000 See, that's the thing.
00:37:07.000 It would be too indulgent to do it in front of them without any practice.
00:37:10.000 If I knew that there was a way that I could do it, that I could distill it down to an entertaining form, I would definitely do it.
00:37:16.000 So you've done like thousands of these now.
00:37:19.000 You've had every single different kind of profession and weird personality sitting here.
00:37:26.000 And I was getting to the point in my podcast where I was getting pretty big guests, and I was finding myself dissatisfied, but unlike you, hating myself, and becoming very bored.
00:37:38.000 And I said, I'm not good at speaking because I have blind spots.
00:37:43.000 I stutter, I say like a lot, I say um, and I talk over people, and I'm trying to sort of wedge my agenda and try to get my point across.
00:37:52.000 And I go, if my consciousness, my soul...
00:37:57.000 Who's talking in this mic right now is...
00:38:00.000 What is the interview?
00:38:03.000 We want to learn about ourselves through another person.
00:38:05.000 We want to learn, you know?
00:38:07.000 And I go, there's a lot of people living inside me.
00:38:10.000 There's a lot of...
00:38:11.000 I'm like, oh, there's a guy here right now that's fucking puking on Van Nuys Boulevard.
00:38:15.000 And there's another guy that's super confident and cocky.
00:38:18.000 And...
00:38:19.000 You're a collective.
00:38:20.000 There's a short bus in my brain, and the person driving right now, today right now, is a confident, sober, mentally stable.
00:38:28.000 But on that bus, there's a racist Dave, there's a sexist Dave, there's a werewolf Dave, there's a trans Dave, there's a experimental butt plug Dave, there's many Dave's, and it's whatever attention I want to give them.
00:38:44.000 You ever done a psychodrama?
00:38:47.000 Psycho drama?
00:38:48.000 What is that?
00:38:48.000 Yeah.
00:38:50.000 It's like a therapy tool where you're in a room like this with like five other patients and I don't know it could be like up to ten I guess and you identify one of the most traumatic moments of your life and that you can't you're stuck you can't you can't get past I can't get past My parents are divorcing.
00:39:16.000 I can't get past failing at the, you know, national, you know, whatever that moment is.
00:39:21.000 And so then...
00:39:24.000 You keep playing that on a loop in your brain and no matter what you do in life, that's always still going on.
00:39:29.000 And so it's a tool to rewire your brain.
00:39:33.000 So it's like, okay, you're gonna play yourself.
00:39:36.000 How old were you then?
00:39:37.000 16. Okay, so you're Joe Rogan, 16. Who was there?
00:39:41.000 My dad was there, my mom was there, my coach, you know, and then so all the other people play the roles of those things and then you just go through and then what happened?
00:39:50.000 And then this guy punched me.
00:39:51.000 Pause!
00:39:53.000 What are you smelling right now?
00:39:54.000 You go around the room and you just dissect the moment and you're like, so what did you need at that moment?
00:40:01.000 Well, I needed my dad to fucking step up for me.
00:40:04.000 But did he?
00:40:04.000 No.
00:40:05.000 So in this version...
00:40:07.000 Have them come in.
00:40:07.000 So you're rewriting history.
00:40:09.000 And I go home.
00:40:13.000 I've done hundreds of these now.
00:40:14.000 And I go, has anyone ever done a psychodrama with themselves?
00:40:19.000 Right?
00:40:20.000 Because there's many voices on the 101 over here.
00:40:24.000 It's like, Dave, turn the car around.
00:40:28.000 Who's talking right now?
00:40:30.000 Scared, fucking...
00:40:32.000 Confident, Dave.
00:40:33.000 We need you up on the bus.
00:40:34.000 Come to the front.
00:40:35.000 Okay.
00:40:39.000 Hey, um, why the fuck did you stick a Nestle Pure Life water ball in your mouth?
00:40:44.000 Because you wanted to explain to Joe what a butt plug.
00:40:47.000 Did you need to do that?
00:40:49.000 And then, so I do this for a few hours, of course I'm recording, and once again, I'm in a fucking room, talking with a hot mic, Crying.
00:41:00.000 Laughing.
00:41:02.000 Screaming.
00:41:03.000 To myself!
00:41:04.000 This sounds like an awesome ad for a Patreon page.
00:41:06.000 This is what you do.
00:41:07.000 You take those episodes, you start new ones, and you take those crazy ones, and you just put it up only for Patreon members.
00:41:17.000 And just ask them to please not share it unless people are paying.
00:41:20.000 And then use that money for charity.
00:41:21.000 Probably make a million dollars in a week.
00:41:26.000 I don't know.
00:41:27.000 I'm trying to heal myself.
00:41:30.000 We all are.
00:41:31.000 Right.
00:41:32.000 We all are.
00:41:33.000 What you're saying is mirrored in a lot of people.
00:41:37.000 Especially, I'm a different person all the time.
00:41:40.000 I'm a lot of different people.
00:41:43.000 And some of them have their shit together.
00:41:46.000 And those ones guide the other ones away from the fucking rocks.
00:41:50.000 In a fight, flight, or free situation, what are you?
00:41:55.000 Because I'll just tell you, I could give a master class in freezing.
00:41:58.000 If you can get out, you should get out.
00:42:00.000 Always.
00:42:01.000 Flight.
00:42:02.000 Flight is always the best option.
00:42:04.000 I'm a master freezer.
00:42:06.000 You can't freeze.
00:42:08.000 I'm either flight or fight.
00:42:10.000 It's one of two, and you can't take either one of them lightly.
00:42:15.000 If you're flight, you have to know there's a reason to get out.
00:42:19.000 And that reason has to make sense.
00:42:21.000 And you have to be able to assess very quickly whether or not this is even going to work.
00:42:26.000 Are you going to get out of here?
00:42:27.000 Is this going to work?
00:42:28.000 Or am I going to have to fight?
00:42:30.000 And if I'm going to have to fight, I should fight now.
00:42:33.000 And I should be only thinking about that.
00:42:36.000 You can't, if you're gonna fight, you can never think, maybe I shouldn't be doing this.
00:42:40.000 Or maybe I should get out.
00:42:41.000 Maybe I should back off.
00:42:42.000 Maybe I should, I don't know, maybe I fucked up.
00:42:45.000 You can't think that.
00:42:46.000 Once you pull the trigger, you gotta let the wolf out of the cage.
00:42:51.000 Okay, sorry.
00:42:52.000 And if you're gonna run, you gotta run.
00:42:54.000 You can't go, Jesus, am I really running?
00:42:57.000 What am I doing?
00:42:57.000 No, you just gotta go.
00:42:59.000 You gotta get the fuck out of there.
00:43:00.000 You can't worry about your ego.
00:43:02.000 If you can escape, especially violent encounters, if you can escape and your ego is the only thing that gets damaged, congratulations.
00:43:08.000 Your ego, you can get over that.
00:43:10.000 But physical violence is terrifying.
00:43:14.000 So I need your help then.
00:43:15.000 Okay.
00:43:16.000 Okay, I told you the other day, this is pre-quarantine, pre-panda.
00:43:23.000 I'm in the car with my dad, and we were going to our favorite Chinese restaurant in San Gabriel Valley, which by where we live should take 15-20 minutes tops.
00:43:36.000 We live in Los Angeles.
00:43:37.000 I look at the Google Maps, it says an hour and 10 minutes to get there.
00:43:41.000 It's primarily traffic.
00:43:44.000 My dad had a stroke two years ago, so he's got a kind of gimpy leg.
00:43:47.000 He sort of drags his foot, so I'm like his Uber driver now.
00:43:51.000 I take him everywhere.
00:43:52.000 And he's like a typical old Korean guy.
00:43:56.000 He likes to eat close to home, no lines, fast, in and out, done.
00:44:02.000 So we get in the car 5.30, 6 on a weekday night, and it's just traffic bumper to bumper.
00:44:11.000 And he's like, fuck, look at this traffic.
00:44:14.000 And the thing that added to this, which I didn't know, was it was the Academy Awards night.
00:44:19.000 Oh, no.
00:44:20.000 So now it's like, we're not moving.
00:44:22.000 And we're sitting at the light, and my phone starts blowing up.
00:44:26.000 Like, congratulations.
00:44:28.000 Like, fuck, like, all caps.
00:44:31.000 I go, what?
00:44:32.000 What's going on?
00:44:33.000 I look at my phone.
00:44:34.000 My dad's like, hey, don't look at your phone when you're driving.
00:44:36.000 I'm like, we're not going anywhere, bro.
00:44:39.000 Chill the fuck out.
00:44:41.000 And Parasite, the Korean film, had just won Best Film in the American Academy Awards.
00:44:47.000 And all my non-white friends are starting to...
00:44:49.000 Because Asians all know each other, right?
00:44:51.000 We kind of do.
00:44:52.000 But...
00:44:53.000 Congratulations on Parasite!
00:44:55.000 And I go, I had nothing to do with that movie.
00:44:57.000 Whoa, wait a minute.
00:44:58.000 You're getting congratulated because it's Korean?
00:45:00.000 Yeah.
00:45:01.000 They're like, you must be so proud of your people.
00:45:03.000 Like, you did it, man.
00:45:04.000 Let me ask you this.
00:45:05.000 Is that racist?
00:45:07.000 For them to do that?
00:45:08.000 It seems a little racist.
00:45:10.000 It's a racist congratulatory thing.
00:45:13.000 Like if somebody called me up and congratulated me for something Italians did, I'd be like, what?
00:45:20.000 Beautiful meatball.
00:45:21.000 What the fuck is wrong with you?
00:45:21.000 Beautiful meatball.
00:45:22.000 I don't even know that guy.
00:45:24.000 So that's what I'm saying.
00:45:25.000 I'm in the car going, I don't even fucking know that guy.
00:45:28.000 Is it all white people that are calling you congratulating you?
00:45:31.000 One Mexican guy, two white guys.
00:45:33.000 It's three people.
00:45:34.000 Three people and the news just hit.
00:45:37.000 First time in history non-American film wins.
00:45:40.000 You know, it's a big deal.
00:45:42.000 The Koreans are fucking like going crazy in Koreatown.
00:45:46.000 And then my mom who's in another car calls me and she's like, get that guy over to our house for dinner.
00:45:52.000 I want to cook for him.
00:45:53.000 And I go, Mom, you fucking think we all know each other?
00:45:57.000 That's hilarious.
00:45:58.000 You know that fucking guy.
00:45:59.000 You know that guy.
00:46:00.000 That's hilarious.
00:46:01.000 Mom, just because I'm a Korean in the entertainment...
00:46:04.000 I don't know all of them.
00:46:05.000 She's like, you know Steven Yeun.
00:46:07.000 He was in Okja.
00:46:09.000 Okja!
00:46:10.000 He knows Bong Joong.
00:46:11.000 I was like, fuck you, Mom.
00:46:12.000 The fuck off.
00:46:14.000 Your mom's even more racist.
00:46:16.000 But my dad, he likes that shit.
00:46:18.000 He's very prideful.
00:46:19.000 He's a prideful Korean guy.
00:46:21.000 Except he was born in China.
00:46:22.000 Oh, wow.
00:46:23.000 So during the war times, he's Korean, but he was born in China.
00:46:27.000 He was on the run.
00:46:28.000 And when I like to fuck with my dad, I grab him by the neck and I go, Hey, you Chinese motherfucker.
00:46:33.000 You Ching Chong motherfucker.
00:46:35.000 Is it racist?
00:46:36.000 No, I don't think it is.
00:46:36.000 I don't know.
00:46:38.000 I grab my dad by the neck.
00:46:39.000 He's one of the most prideful Korean people.
00:46:42.000 And we're not going anywhere.
00:46:44.000 We're sitting at the lights.
00:46:45.000 And I go, fucking did it, man.
00:46:47.000 What?
00:46:48.000 You know, I'm having a connection with my dad.
00:46:50.000 I go, you Ching Chong Chinese motherfucker came to America in the 70s.
00:46:55.000 He's like, yeah, there was no traffic then.
00:46:57.000 I go, yeah, just let me fucking, let me tell my story.
00:47:02.000 You come here.
00:47:03.000 They try to fucking burn you out of Koreatown.
00:47:06.000 They burn your fucking shop down.
00:47:07.000 They call you chink.
00:47:09.000 They call you fucking gook.
00:47:10.000 You come here with nothing.
00:47:11.000 You're working on an assembly line.
00:47:13.000 You're poor.
00:47:14.000 You raised three boys.
00:47:15.000 You have no fucking money.
00:47:17.000 And look at us now.
00:47:19.000 Parasite, bitch.
00:47:20.000 Fucking parasite.
00:47:22.000 Dave Chang, best fucking chef in America.
00:47:25.000 Roy Choi, fucking K-pop.
00:47:28.000 Dominating.
00:47:29.000 Dominating the fucking...
00:47:31.000 Bobby Lee.
00:47:32.000 Bobby Lee.
00:47:33.000 Steve Lee.
00:47:34.000 Like, we're kimchi on the menu everywhere now.
00:47:37.000 Everywhere.
00:47:38.000 Everywhere.
00:47:38.000 You want some kimchi pizza?
00:47:39.000 You want some fucking...
00:47:40.000 It's probiotic all of a sudden.
00:47:41.000 Probiotic shit up in your gut, you know?
00:47:42.000 Like, everywhere.
00:47:45.000 This tiny fucking country in Korea.
00:47:47.000 You know, my dad's getting pumped up.
00:47:48.000 He's like, yeah.
00:47:49.000 We fucking did it, man.
00:47:51.000 And all the texts are still coming.
00:47:52.000 Yes!
00:47:53.000 There's a racist...
00:47:55.000 What the fuck's the term?
00:47:57.000 It's called a perpetual foreigner.
00:47:59.000 Where it doesn't matter that you...
00:48:01.000 I was born in Los Angeles that you always feel like...
00:48:05.000 A foreigner.
00:48:06.000 Growing up...
00:48:07.000 The message from my parents was, don't piss off the white people.
00:48:10.000 Like, we need to act in a way that's, what's the other one?
00:48:13.000 Model minority.
00:48:15.000 We need to, we can't do anything that, like, upsets them, because we might get sent back on the boat.
00:48:20.000 You know, it's like, you need to act in a certain way, you have to dress a certain way, you have to comb your hair, you have to get a certain kind of job, doctor, lawyer, doctor, lawyer, and you need to act that fucking way, because we don't want to get sent back.
00:48:33.000 And so, yes, yes, Father, yes, Honorable Father.
00:48:37.000 So I'm sitting there and I'm feeling myself.
00:48:39.000 I'm feeling my race.
00:48:40.000 I'm feeling my dad.
00:48:41.000 And I'm like, we fucking did it.
00:48:44.000 Man, everywhere.
00:48:45.000 K-pop, K-food.
00:48:47.000 This tiny fucking country that's been under attack for generations is fucking dominating.
00:48:53.000 Now they'll like us.
00:48:55.000 Now they'll let us into the club.
00:48:57.000 And we haven't moved an inch.
00:49:00.000 We're still sitting in traffic.
00:49:02.000 And he goes...
00:49:04.000 I would trade all of that for us to fucking go home right now or beat this traffic.
00:49:08.000 Alright, whatever.
00:49:10.000 Cut to Academy Awards to...
00:49:13.000 What was that?
00:49:14.000 It was the Academy Awards and then when was the quarantine?
00:49:17.000 Two, three months later?
00:49:19.000 No traffic.
00:49:21.000 No traffic.
00:49:22.000 I can get to the beach in 15 minutes from my house.
00:49:24.000 It used to take an hour and a half.
00:49:26.000 I go, Dad, let's go to the beach.
00:49:27.000 Let's get the fuck out of here.
00:49:29.000 Sitting in the car, and you remember when the quarantine first started?
00:49:34.000 You saw families walking down, like entire families walking the dog, everything was closed, like there was no smog in LA. We fucking drive to the beach.
00:49:45.000 We're almost there, at a red light, and there's a guy walking his dog with his kid, and I get a kind of mad dog kind of vibe, like he's staring at me and our windows are down and I'm, I don't know, I'm always talking really loud to my dad because he's hard of hearing.
00:49:59.000 And the light turns green and he just...
00:50:01.000 With disdain and disgust, he just goes like this.
00:50:05.000 He pulls his eyes back.
00:50:07.000 He made an Asian face.
00:50:09.000 Yeah, he did the...
00:50:10.000 He did that to you and your dad.
00:50:13.000 And I can sit here and call tough guy from the...
00:50:17.000 Fuck that guy.
00:50:17.000 I got a thick skin.
00:50:19.000 And maybe because I was with my dad and I love my dad.
00:50:23.000 And I saw that my dad saw him do that.
00:50:27.000 And I was like...
00:50:29.000 Like, fuck man, like...
00:50:31.000 And I froze.
00:50:42.000 I froze.
00:50:43.000 I was like, my dad is sad.
00:50:45.000 Well, that's wise.
00:50:47.000 That's wise.
00:50:48.000 I mean, he's with his fucking kid and I go...
00:50:50.000 Listen, it doesn't matter.
00:50:51.000 You never know.
00:50:52.000 If you go over and engage some guy in a physical confrontation and he beats you to death, there's no comfort in the fact that his kid was there to watch.
00:51:02.000 You have to really...
00:51:04.000 People are so flippant about engaging in physical violence.
00:51:09.000 It's very fucking dangerous.
00:51:11.000 It's dangerous for everybody.
00:51:13.000 You never know what someone knows.
00:51:15.000 So I snap in those moments.
00:51:17.000 I go to rage.
00:51:20.000 Maybe if I was by myself, maybe I would have been more quick-witted and had a snappy comeback, but...
00:51:26.000 Someone hasn't done that to me the last time someone did this to me.
00:51:30.000 I was probably in a third-world country 15 20 years ago and before that maybe I was a in in grade school and as a 44 year old man who's in a lot of pain that's been working on himself to heal it like hurt me.
00:51:43.000 Well Fuck that guy.
00:51:46.000 Just just get away from him.
00:51:48.000 That's the best.
00:51:48.000 You're not gonna fix him by beating the shit out of him.
00:51:50.000 You're not gonna change anything and The idea that you're going to punish him for that, it's going to make him hate Asian people more.
00:51:57.000 He's just a fucked up dude.
00:51:58.000 A guy who would do that to you for no reason at all, just sees you and wants to hurt you and make you feel bad, that kind of guy is hurting, man.
00:52:05.000 He's probably been abused his whole life.
00:52:08.000 There's probably something real wrong with him.
00:52:10.000 He's probably had a fucked up alcoholic dad or something.
00:52:13.000 Some uncle did something to them.
00:52:15.000 It's always something.
00:52:16.000 People that lash out and try to hurt people randomly for no reason are all in pain.
00:52:21.000 It's that old expression, hurt people, hurt people.
00:52:25.000 Definitely.
00:52:26.000 That's true.
00:52:27.000 And I'm hurt.
00:52:28.000 Yeah.
00:52:29.000 But that's an intelligent thing to do nothing because you're paused.
00:52:35.000 Your pause is wise, because you can call it freezing, but you're stuck in an unwinnable situation.
00:52:40.000 If you go over and beat that guy's ass, like that is violence, it's dangerous, you never know how it's gonna turn out, you never know if he has a gun or a knife or...
00:52:49.000 Fuck.
00:52:50.000 I go darker than that.
00:52:51.000 What if you kill him?
00:52:52.000 I go darker than that.
00:52:53.000 Just beat up his kid in front of him.
00:52:53.000 Fuck him.
00:52:55.000 Oh Jesus.
00:52:55.000 I mean, none of that happened.
00:52:56.000 I don't think he would let you do that.
00:52:58.000 Then he would really kill you.
00:52:59.000 But the idea is that The best thing to do is to get the fuck out of there.
00:53:04.000 So the freezing and trying to figure out what...
00:53:07.000 Because it's a real decision.
00:53:09.000 If you run over to...
00:53:09.000 But if you get the fuck out of there, then that guy hurts you.
00:53:12.000 And then you feel bad and you never feel like you got him back.
00:53:14.000 But growing up in the 80s, I got that all the time.
00:53:17.000 And I built up a thick skin to that.
00:53:19.000 And I was like, I'm going to go to a new black school.
00:53:22.000 I'm going to go to an all-Mexican school.
00:53:23.000 And they're going to make fun of me.
00:53:24.000 They're going to do that.
00:53:25.000 They're going to call me Mr. Miyagi.
00:53:27.000 So I pull into the beach parking lot.
00:53:30.000 And my dad had just already deleted it from he's like, I was like, sorry, dad.
00:53:34.000 And he's like, I'm like, what the fuck am I apologizing?
00:53:36.000 He's like, whatever.
00:53:38.000 And, and, you know, I'm saying it with my whole chest Korean.
00:53:43.000 I was feeling very braggadocious and proud and it all like deflates.
00:53:47.000 And I go, Parasite got us here, and then a virus sends our dick shrivel back into our body.
00:53:53.000 I'm like, oh, fuck, dude.
00:53:55.000 Well, that is a virus, too.
00:53:57.000 That guy is a virus.
00:53:59.000 That guy caught that from somewhere.
00:54:02.000 Well, it's our leadership.
00:54:03.000 If you're a 40-year-old man, and that's who you are, Trump is not going to...
00:54:11.000 No, that guy probably has always been like that, man.
00:54:13.000 But it's like, people are inspiring, right?
00:54:15.000 If you inspire hate, then people become...
00:54:18.000 If they have that in you, it brings it back out.
00:54:20.000 So you think by just him saying that it's a Chinese virus?
00:54:22.000 Dude, when he called it Chinese virus, when he called it Kung Fu and not correcting it, the violence towards Asians...
00:54:29.000 But he didn't call it Kung Fu.
00:54:31.000 If he did, he didn't say it publicly.
00:54:33.000 I don't know if he said that, but there's all those things showing that he crossed it out.
00:54:37.000 China.
00:54:37.000 He says Chinese virus.
00:54:39.000 Chinese virus.
00:54:40.000 Right.
00:54:40.000 A little kid got stabbed at Sam's Club in Texas.
00:54:44.000 An Asian kid.
00:54:46.000 And violence...
00:54:47.000 And you know, it's...
00:54:49.000 Asians don't speak up.
00:54:51.000 We don't ask for help.
00:54:52.000 We fucking store it inside, and then we explode.
00:54:56.000 So a little kid got stabbed.
00:54:58.000 Look it up.
00:54:59.000 No, I believe it.
00:55:00.000 Right.
00:55:01.000 Just because he was Asian?
00:55:03.000 Just because he was Asian.
00:55:04.000 Because of the Chinese flu comment by Trump.
00:55:07.000 They did a thing where they measure it.
00:55:09.000 Every time he calls it Chinese virus, the violence towards Asians goes up in this country.
00:55:13.000 Really?
00:55:14.000 Yeah.
00:55:14.000 It's fucking crazy.
00:55:16.000 Oh, he did say it.
00:55:17.000 Yeah.
00:55:18.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:55:19.000 That's crazy, because remember that lady in the White House was saying, I heard someone in your administration called it the Kung Flu.
00:55:26.000 And he was like, remember, he was like, what?
00:55:29.000 So he was pretending he didn't know, but he had already said it.
00:55:34.000 Unless that was after that.
00:55:35.000 I think this was after that event.
00:55:37.000 This was after that?
00:55:38.000 So he's like, that's a good name, the Kung Flu, I'm going to use it.
00:55:41.000 And this thing where he was saying, people call it lots of names, there's lots of names, right?
00:55:44.000 Coronavirus, right?
00:55:45.000 Kung Flu, yes.
00:55:45.000 Kung Flu, yeah.
00:55:46.000 And he said it a bunch of times.
00:55:47.000 Well, there's been a lot of viruses named after other places like the Spanish flu, which killed a fucking shitload of people.
00:55:52.000 But if someone shows you the stats and they're like, look, you choosing the words you want right now is causing violence towards Asian people in this country.
00:56:01.000 And he's like, yeah, fuck them, you know?
00:56:02.000 I don't think he's that insightful, right?
00:56:05.000 I don't think he's thinking about it.
00:56:06.000 Fuck Trump.
00:56:07.000 Anyone else that's saying that, right?
00:56:09.000 It's like...
00:56:10.000 No, but I'm saying like that maybe someone needs to say it that way because you saying it that way and I didn't know that There was a stat that showed that violence against Asian people went up every time he said it then it makes That first of all,
00:56:26.000 it has a name, right?
00:56:28.000 Yes Coronavirus COVID-19 it has name to call it anything other than that name.
00:56:33.000 It should either be funny or Or descriptive.
00:56:37.000 Now, if he calls it the Wuhan virus, that's really technically where it's from.
00:56:41.000 I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
00:56:43.000 But the problem is actual racism and actual violence.
00:56:47.000 That's the real problem.
00:56:48.000 Now, the other thing is when you're a leader, that's when things get slippery because then you can't just be a regular person.
00:56:54.000 Because if you're a leader, you literally can help other people.
00:56:59.000 Maybe he doesn't even realize it, but you really can change the way people think and behave.
00:57:04.000 When a really powerful person like him, the most powerful in the country, arguably, when he says something That prescribes unity, that promotes the idea of companionship and of friendship and of love and of support and camaraderie,
00:57:21.000 literally can change the way people feel.
00:57:24.000 And also if he says something hateful, it'll change the way people feel.
00:57:28.000 Like we move, whether we like it or not, there's so many of us, there's 300 million in this country plus, and we move to inspirational words or angry words.
00:57:37.000 That's you, man.
00:57:38.000 That's you.
00:57:39.000 You are an inspiration.
00:57:40.000 Like, when you say things like that, people listen.
00:57:43.000 You see how people are.
00:57:44.000 We were joking right now, but if you did start a cult, there'd be fucking millions of people signing up tomorrow, and they would listen to you.
00:57:50.000 And if you said, this is a fucking, fuck these Chinese people, then they'd say, we're with Joe, you know?
00:57:57.000 I don't know.
00:57:58.000 I think most of them would leave me if I said that.
00:58:00.000 There would be smart enough Kanye and Tupac.
00:58:04.000 Come on, Tupac.
00:58:05.000 Stay with us, bro.
00:58:05.000 This Kanye one does not want to stand up.
00:58:07.000 It's so ironic.
00:58:10.000 So this is what I need help with.
00:58:12.000 How fast did I answer the phone when you called me the other day?
00:58:15.000 It was like a normal phone answer.
00:58:18.000 It's like the first...
00:58:19.000 Weren't we texting first?
00:58:20.000 Texting first, but then when you called me, I'm so thirsty that...
00:58:25.000 People assume, right?
00:58:26.000 In our workaholic culture, people assume that you must be really busy.
00:58:30.000 I mean, you actually are busy.
00:58:32.000 I'm not busy.
00:58:33.000 I don't have anything going on.
00:58:36.000 When someone calls me, I make it a game now.
00:58:39.000 Here's another thing I don't want to admit to you.
00:58:41.000 I pulled up right here.
00:58:42.000 I was sitting outside for an hour.
00:58:44.000 I was talking to this homeless guy outside for an hour before I pulled in here.
00:58:50.000 So when someone calls me now, you know, it's cool to let it ring three times.
00:58:54.000 I'm like, boom.
00:58:55.000 I do the same thing.
00:58:56.000 I just answer.
00:58:57.000 So I don't got anything going on.
00:59:00.000 I know in our culture it's really cool to be like, hey bro, what project are you working on?
00:59:03.000 What are you doing?
00:59:04.000 I'm like, nothing.
00:59:05.000 I'm working on myself.
00:59:06.000 That's what I'm working on.
00:59:07.000 That's really cool.
00:59:08.000 Yeah, so I take my dog.
00:59:11.000 I got a rescue from Costa Rica.
00:59:13.000 I love my dog.
00:59:14.000 And I go on walks with my dog now that are so long that my dog looks at me and is like, dude, when the fuck are we going to go back home?
00:59:20.000 And I'm walking and I'm taking in my neighborhood.
00:59:24.000 I'm smelling the petunias.
00:59:26.000 I literally stop to smell the roses.
00:59:28.000 I go, this is my life now.
00:59:29.000 I stop to smell the roses.
00:59:31.000 I walk to this underpass where there's like the entire homeless community.
00:59:36.000 I give them snacks, clean underwear, water.
00:59:39.000 And they see me coming.
00:59:39.000 I just talk to them.
00:59:41.000 They're like, oh, there's that fucking guy that's going to talk to us for like six hours again.
00:59:44.000 I'm really busy today, Dave.
00:59:46.000 Sam, don't we got like a one o'clock brunch?
00:59:49.000 And this is my life now.
00:59:51.000 Not much going on.
00:59:53.000 You got to tell me all this just because you answered the phone quick?
00:59:57.000 That's so crazy.
00:59:58.000 I'm trying to set up how soft I am.
01:00:01.000 That's not soft.
01:00:02.000 I'm not hard.
01:00:03.000 I'm not on it.
01:00:05.000 Let me pause you for a second.
01:00:07.000 Let me help you out here.
01:00:08.000 First of all, if you just sat there and you weren't busy and just stared at your phone and let it ring three times, you'd be a fucking idiot.
01:00:15.000 But people do that.
01:00:17.000 People do that.
01:00:17.000 People are idiots.
01:00:18.000 You should record them.
01:00:20.000 Everyone should have like a secret video of your friends staring at the phone, deciding whether or not to talk to you or whether or not to let it ring three times.
01:00:28.000 You see the phone ring and you pick it up right away.
01:00:30.000 Yeah, if I can.
01:00:31.000 You don't do cool guy like...
01:00:33.000 No!
01:00:34.000 I'm not cool guy.
01:00:35.000 If someone calls me, I'm like, what's up?
01:00:37.000 I miss you.
01:00:38.000 I tell my friends I miss them.
01:00:39.000 I tell them I love them.
01:00:40.000 I'm not cool guy.
01:00:42.000 I answer the phone.
01:00:43.000 I'm thirsty, desperate as fuck.
01:00:45.000 You don't even think it rang.
01:00:45.000 Dude, I'll answer that motherfucker.
01:00:47.000 My game that I play is that.
01:00:49.000 I try to pick it up before it even rings once.
01:00:52.000 It's like, oh shit, this fucker's telepathic.
01:00:55.000 Also, if someone butt dials me, I call him right back.
01:00:57.000 So my point is, I don't got much going on.
01:01:01.000 I'm working on myself.
01:01:03.000 I'm trying to stop and be present and enjoy things.
01:01:06.000 And I'm having a great day.
01:01:08.000 Beautiful.
01:01:09.000 This happened last week, by the way.
01:01:12.000 Walking back home, like I've been gone for like two and a half hour walk.
01:01:16.000 I'm walking back home.
01:01:18.000 Once again, I'm at a red light.
01:01:20.000 Car pulls up.
01:01:21.000 Window comes down.
01:01:23.000 And I'm just sitting there.
01:01:26.000 And I get that feeling that something's about to happen.
01:01:30.000 And the light turns, you know, on the other crossing light turns, it's about to turn red.
01:01:35.000 And he goes, hey, hey, hey.
01:01:37.000 And I look over and he goes, go back to where you come from.
01:01:41.000 What do I got?
01:01:42.000 Seven seconds before, you know, like, I got a few seconds.
01:01:46.000 And I go, once again, this, to go back, this is the second incident since the pandemic started.
01:01:52.000 And I go, I got this!
01:01:53.000 I know this one!
01:01:55.000 People used to say that to me!
01:01:57.000 Fuck!
01:01:58.000 And, like, there's, like, if you, Asian people that are born in America, go back to where you come from.
01:02:06.000 Bellflower?
01:02:06.000 Whittier?
01:02:07.000 Garden Grove?
01:02:08.000 Like, that's...
01:02:10.000 And I froze again.
01:02:12.000 I go, I have this comeback, clap back, whatever.
01:02:17.000 I have that.
01:02:18.000 And I go, Joe will know what to say.
01:02:20.000 He's a comedian.
01:02:21.000 He's on stage with hecklers.
01:02:22.000 The best thing you'd say to someone like that is stare at him.
01:02:25.000 But he's gone already.
01:02:26.000 Who gives a fuck?
01:02:27.000 Let him go.
01:02:28.000 Like Mad Dog stare?
01:02:29.000 No.
01:02:30.000 Empty.
01:02:32.000 Blank.
01:02:33.000 You're a mirror.
01:02:34.000 Doesn't mean anything.
01:02:35.000 Go back to where you come from.
01:02:36.000 The guy's a moron.
01:02:38.000 Again, like why?
01:02:39.000 Why would he yell out at you?
01:02:40.000 You're not in an argument with this person.
01:02:42.000 He's a piece of shit.
01:02:43.000 He sees you on the side of the road and just yells out at you.
01:02:45.000 Again, guarantee you that guy was abused.
01:02:47.000 His life sucks.
01:02:48.000 Go back to where you come from.
01:02:51.000 That's a crazy thing to say to people.
01:02:52.000 And then it's like, what?
01:02:54.000 My mom's pussy?
01:02:55.000 Your mom's pussy?
01:02:56.000 Like, do I go offensive or do I go self-explicating?
01:02:59.000 It's all bullshit.
01:02:59.000 Everybody is from somewhere else.
01:03:01.000 This is the place.
01:03:02.000 Unless you're fucking Cherokee.
01:03:04.000 Unless you're a Native American.
01:03:05.000 So the best comeback for that is just stare down.
01:03:07.000 Just nothing.
01:03:08.000 Just give him nothing.
01:03:10.000 We didn't argue with the guy, then he gets out and beats your ass.
01:03:13.000 He threw my whole fucking day off.
01:03:15.000 I went home, I laid down on my bed, and I was like, Goddamn.
01:03:20.000 That's what he wanted to do, you know.
01:03:22.000 And I go, when was the last time I got that?
01:03:24.000 High school.
01:03:25.000 High school, some Persian kid said, go back to where you come from.
01:03:28.000 So it's twice since the pandemic and all from high school on.
01:03:32.000 Always out of red lights.
01:03:33.000 Maybe I should just run the red.
01:03:36.000 Take a lot of right turns.
01:03:38.000 Maybe we should just roll the windows up and just look straight.
01:03:41.000 There's gonna be shitheads.
01:03:43.000 Look, life is an unfair game.
01:03:46.000 It's unfair.
01:03:47.000 It's unfair with your mind.
01:03:51.000 The idea that everybody has the same mind is ridiculous.
01:03:54.000 I know my mind is dogshit compared to Elon Musk's.
01:03:56.000 I've talked to him.
01:03:58.000 Everybody has different attributes.
01:04:00.000 Everybody has a different environment.
01:04:02.000 Everyone has different family life, genetics, influences, abuse, assaults, different things that have happened to you that have been horrible that you've had to get through, the loss of loved ones, all these different things.
01:04:16.000 They vary so much from person to person.
01:04:18.000 We have a rough idea of what it means if your mom dies when you're five.
01:04:22.000 We have a rough idea.
01:04:23.000 We have a rough idea what it means if you got beat up when you were 13 in front of your girlfriend.
01:04:23.000 Right.
01:04:27.000 We have a rough idea.
01:04:28.000 But we don't know it until we experience it.
01:04:30.000 And everybody experiences a different fucking hand of cards.
01:04:32.000 And then here you find yourself, you know, whatever age you are in life, just still battling demons from your childhood and all fucked up from things that have been happening to you.
01:04:43.000 And you've never had a good path.
01:04:45.000 Your fucking brain doesn't work that good.
01:04:48.000 You've never had a thing that you do that makes you feel special.
01:04:52.000 When you paint and you get rewarded for that painting and people love it, there's a charge, there's a thing.
01:04:59.000 Some people don't have a thing.
01:05:00.000 They ain't got shit.
01:05:01.000 And that kind of person sees you on the side of them at a red light and says, go back to where you come from.
01:05:09.000 And that gets into your head and it fucks you up.
01:05:12.000 That's what they want to do.
01:05:13.000 They want you to feel what they feel.
01:05:15.000 When someone says something hateful, one of the reasons why it works is because you feel their hate.
01:05:21.000 It's like it comes off of them.
01:05:23.000 You get it on your system.
01:05:25.000 And that's one of the ways men intimidate other men.
01:05:28.000 When men are angry and scream at men and get in their face, what they're doing is...
01:05:33.000 They're not just puffing their chest out.
01:05:35.000 They're not just signaling that they're aggressive and violent.
01:05:38.000 They're getting their hate in you.
01:05:39.000 You have to feel it.
01:05:41.000 You feel it like a drug.
01:05:42.000 Like if someone's mad at you, and it's all about how much tolerance you have to that drug of other people's aggression and anger and resentment and jealousy and all the various toxic emotions that people have.
01:05:56.000 I'm sure you've dated crazy women, right?
01:05:59.000 I don't even have to ask.
01:06:00.000 So there's a moment in time when a crazy girl's yelling at you and they're mad at you and like, Jesus Christ, you're making me crazy.
01:06:07.000 It's getting into me.
01:06:08.000 Like, your crazy is on me.
01:06:10.000 It's like, ugh, I gotta get out of here.
01:06:13.000 It's fucking contagious.
01:06:14.000 And like a virus, it can change the way you feel.
01:06:17.000 And if you're in a fucking hive, if you're in just a hot spot of nasty thinking and behavior, you grow up in that.
01:06:27.000 Maybe you have an abusive family.
01:06:28.000 Maybe your dad beats your mom, and your mom beats you, and you beat your brother, and your brother beats your sister, and it's just fucking madness.
01:06:34.000 And then you have neighbors that suck too, and everybody sucks.
01:06:38.000 Man, that's as much of a virus as the flu.
01:06:42.000 It's a mind virus that gets out into the other people that are around you.
01:06:46.000 And you could be real lucky.
01:06:48.000 And you could live in an area of mind nature, a peaceful valley with a beautiful mountain and a creek that goes through it.
01:06:57.000 And that's the community that you're in.
01:06:59.000 You got lucky.
01:07:00.000 You grew up in a wonderful community with fantastic parents and great neighbors and your aunt...
01:07:05.000 Your aunt, your uncle come over, and everybody has good times, and, oh sure, there's a little bit of hardship here and there, but for the most part, people love each other.
01:07:13.000 It's, fuck, it's not fair.
01:07:14.000 It's not fair.
01:07:15.000 When that guy yells out at you like that, man, it's hard to internalize all this in the moment, because you are feeling his hate.
01:07:22.000 Well, I'll tell you what happens.
01:07:24.000 I go, I become jealous of comedians because when I'm at a comedy show and I see hecklers and I'm like, that guy was so quick with that comeback.
01:07:34.000 Yeah, but let me tell you something.
01:07:35.000 I won't do that in real life.
01:07:36.000 Oh.
01:07:37.000 I don't do that in real life.
01:07:38.000 Really?
01:07:39.000 No.
01:07:39.000 Some guy cuts you off.
01:07:40.000 You don't have a fast one ready?
01:07:41.000 No.
01:07:42.000 No.
01:07:44.000 But you know what?
01:07:45.000 So I reflect on it when I go home and I go, what did I say the last time this happened?
01:07:50.000 And then I start laughing because it was high school.
01:07:53.000 A guy said, hey, why don't you go back to, you know, we got in an argument.
01:07:56.000 He goes, hey, why don't you just go back to where you come from?
01:08:00.000 I go home.
01:08:01.000 I'm like, fuck.
01:08:02.000 But it's a learned thing.
01:08:04.000 Years went by.
01:08:06.000 Years went by.
01:08:07.000 The guy was a senior in high school.
01:08:09.000 And I said, I got it.
01:08:10.000 I got it.
01:08:11.000 Complete revenge is the best dish served colder, all that.
01:08:14.000 Like, not for comedy.
01:08:15.000 I see him in class.
01:08:17.000 And I get my balls up and I go, I got it.
01:08:21.000 Completely out of context, four years later, right?
01:08:23.000 Your mom's pussy.
01:08:25.000 The guy's like, what the fuck?
01:08:27.000 That's where I come from.
01:08:28.000 And I just walked away, and I go, that landed so flat.
01:08:32.000 Not really, though.
01:08:34.000 Because think about it, right now we're laughing.
01:08:36.000 Like, it's a slow burn.
01:08:38.000 A joke delivered four years later?
01:08:41.000 Even worse, even worse.
01:08:42.000 A joke delivered four years later and talked about 15 years later.
01:08:46.000 See?
01:08:47.000 See, now it's effective.
01:08:49.000 It's just a real slow bomb.
01:08:52.000 It worked!
01:08:53.000 Whenever I see stuff like that, I go...
01:08:59.000 Because I grew up with it.
01:09:01.000 You know when you're in high school and people go, hey, pick a superpower.
01:09:06.000 Invisibility or flight.
01:09:07.000 I'm already invisible.
01:09:09.000 Being an Asian and growing up in the communities that I grew up with, I was invisible.
01:09:13.000 I don't even have a voice.
01:09:15.000 You might find this hard to believe, but I never talked growing up.
01:09:18.000 I was the kid in the corner, and girls would form groups and talk about which guy they want to fuck, and I wouldn't even be- They're like, Dave's sitting right there, and they're like, yeah, he's not even on the fucking roster.
01:09:30.000 So I go, wait, is this racist?
01:09:34.000 Yeah, but how can I turn this around?
01:09:39.000 What it did for me, the Asian superpower is, If you're not seen and you're not heard and we're seen as non-threatening, I can go anywhere.
01:09:49.000 I can go anywhere and people open up to me.
01:09:53.000 I've been to the Congo, I've been to third-world countries, I've been to every fucking state in America.
01:10:00.000 I might be the most American person.
01:10:01.000 Like, I've been to every fucking state.
01:10:03.000 I've hitchhiked from the time I was 15 to every fucking state, every country, and I've talked and because Would a black guy be able to do that?
01:10:14.000 Would a white guy be able to do that?
01:10:16.000 When people see, oh, that guy's Chinese.
01:10:18.000 He's like Jackie Chan or he's whatever they think.
01:10:21.000 They don't think that I'm going to do anything or say anything or I'm going to pose any threat.
01:10:27.000 So they just open up and they say the most...
01:10:30.000 I don't know like when I started hitchhiking people said no one's gonna pick you up right like 60s 70s everyone hitchhiked and then something weird happened in the 80s.
01:10:39.000 We're like you're gonna get raped kidnapped murdered, you know, but I go I don't think so I think if I put my thumb out and ask for help someone's gonna give it to me and with that I got to see the world for free I got to go everywhere and Much like What happened was I would sit shotgun and I'm getting these free rides and two things would happen either the driver has a long drive and they want someone to talk to or they want me to talk to them and Something would happen and like I'm in the car right now with
01:11:09.000 a complete stranger anything could happen and the first hour is always Small talk.
01:11:15.000 How long you been on the road?
01:11:16.000 What would you do?
01:11:16.000 You know, it's all that kind of stuff Something switches when they know the rides about like I'm about to get out or whatever and I'm never going to see this guy again.
01:11:26.000 I'm never going to see this guy again.
01:11:28.000 So now we've been talking about new sports and weather for an hour.
01:11:31.000 Last 10 minutes, I fucked my sister when I was 12. Whoa!
01:11:36.000 Everything comes out.
01:11:37.000 So I've heard...
01:11:38.000 Think about how many rides.
01:11:40.000 How old was he?
01:11:41.000 He was 12?
01:11:42.000 How old was his sister?
01:11:43.000 I mean, everything.
01:11:43.000 I don't know.
01:11:45.000 Drugs, incest.
01:11:47.000 You know, I killed somebody.
01:11:50.000 Like, murder...
01:11:51.000 A guy told you?
01:11:52.000 Murder confessions.
01:11:53.000 Really?
01:11:54.000 I've heard the most insane...
01:11:56.000 One at a time.
01:11:57.000 Murder confession?
01:11:59.000 I don't know if I shouldn't be telling you.
01:12:01.000 You definitely should be.
01:12:04.000 A guy confessed to me that he was thinking of raping me when I stayed at his house.
01:12:09.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:12:11.000 You stayed at his house?
01:12:12.000 You didn't just hitchhike?
01:12:13.000 You hitchhoused?
01:12:14.000 I was in the Deep South.
01:12:17.000 I was in the Deep South.
01:12:19.000 I was trying to hitchhike from LA to New York City.
01:12:23.000 I was with my friend Brian.
01:12:24.000 Same thing.
01:12:25.000 No one's gonna pick up two fucking dudes.
01:12:28.000 And John Wayne picks us up.
01:12:30.000 Cowboy guy.
01:12:32.000 10 gallon hat.
01:12:34.000 You know.
01:12:35.000 Damn, you boys look hot out there.
01:12:38.000 Get in the car.
01:12:40.000 He's telling us about shrimp po' boys.
01:12:43.000 He works on an offshore oil rig.
01:12:50.000 It's two weeks on, two weeks off, and it's just two weeks off right now.
01:12:55.000 He's like, where are you guys headed?
01:12:56.000 We're trying to get to New York.
01:12:58.000 New York?
01:12:58.000 What do you want to go there for?
01:12:59.000 A bunch of queers out there.
01:13:01.000 We want to check it out.
01:13:03.000 You guys want to stay at my house tonight?
01:13:05.000 This guy looks like grandpa.
01:13:07.000 Just cowboy boots, cowboy hat, Just big gut.
01:13:11.000 He's a dude.
01:13:12.000 Right.
01:13:14.000 I'm young.
01:13:15.000 I'm 17 or 18 at this time.
01:13:18.000 We get to his house in...
01:13:20.000 Fuck.
01:13:23.000 This is what I'm talking about.
01:13:24.000 It's a tiny town in Louisiana.
01:13:27.000 Deep South.
01:13:29.000 We get in his house.
01:13:30.000 Die Hard movie collection.
01:13:32.000 Rambo movie collection.
01:13:33.000 Shotguns.
01:13:34.000 And...
01:13:37.000 Lube.
01:13:37.000 Just a dude.
01:13:39.000 Just a man's man.
01:13:41.000 And his side, and his part-time job is an anesthesiologist.
01:13:47.000 Part-time anesthesiologist.
01:13:49.000 Part-time anesthesiologist.
01:13:50.000 And then part-time offshore oil break.
01:13:54.000 And I'm, you know, this is summertime, deep south, covered with like grease and mosquitoes living outside on the road, hitchhiking.
01:14:03.000 He's like, you guys want to take a shower?
01:14:04.000 I'm like, fuck yeah.
01:14:05.000 I'm the first one in the shower.
01:14:08.000 And then I come out, I got the towel wrapped on.
01:14:11.000 He's like, he made us like a frozen pizza or something.
01:14:14.000 And there's a protest on the television.
01:14:18.000 This is 1993 or 94. There's a protest of something with gay people in San Francisco.
01:14:26.000 And they're protesting.
01:14:28.000 And he's watching it.
01:14:30.000 I'm like, what?
01:14:31.000 He's like, I'm queer.
01:14:32.000 You never see me out there protesting.
01:14:34.000 And I'm like, oh shit.
01:14:36.000 And then my friend Brian, who's covered in grease and dirt, he hasn't showered yet.
01:14:41.000 And I'm like, oh shit.
01:14:42.000 And I started getting my clothes on.
01:14:44.000 And...
01:14:46.000 It's one thing to be gay, and then it's one thing to be picked up by a big gay guy with a cowboy hat who takes you to his house.
01:14:54.000 And here's the thing.
01:14:56.000 I don't want to discourage people from hitchhiking.
01:14:58.000 This is one weird incident that's happened in 15 years of hitchhiking.
01:15:03.000 So he's like, hey, Brian, it's your turn.
01:15:05.000 Why don't you take a shower?
01:15:06.000 No, I'm okay.
01:15:07.000 I'm all right.
01:15:08.000 You're filthy.
01:15:09.000 Why don't you get in there and take a shower?
01:15:10.000 He's like, no, no, I'm all right.
01:15:11.000 I'm okay.
01:15:13.000 And I go, oh, fuck.
01:15:15.000 What do we do?
01:15:16.000 You know, I do a little powwow in the corner.
01:15:18.000 He's like, he's old.
01:15:20.000 We can take him if he tries anything.
01:15:22.000 We're tired.
01:15:23.000 We were fucking so tired.
01:15:24.000 We're like, he looks like he was falling asleep on his couch.
01:15:30.000 And he goes, he's going to go to sleep soon.
01:15:34.000 Let's just fucking stay the night.
01:15:36.000 It's fucking air conditioned in here.
01:15:37.000 And then let's leave first thing in the morning before he wakes up.
01:15:39.000 Like, okay, fuck it.
01:15:40.000 Let's just do it.
01:15:42.000 Alright boys, I'm going to turn in.
01:15:43.000 I'm like, yes.
01:15:44.000 So we take the couch and I go, let's sleep in a formation.
01:15:48.000 And let's take turns.
01:15:50.000 We should have just left.
01:15:53.000 You go, you stay up for an hour and then wake me up.
01:15:55.000 I'll stay up for an hour and then we'll leave crack of dawn.
01:16:01.000 I had a pocket knife.
01:16:02.000 So I slept like this.
01:16:04.000 I took the knife and I put the thing like this.
01:16:07.000 And I slept like that.
01:16:09.000 And I stayed up for the first hour, and I see him walking around his room.
01:16:13.000 The lights are on.
01:16:14.000 And I'm like, this guy's not going to sleep.
01:16:16.000 Midnight, 1 in the morning.
01:16:18.000 I'm like, what the fuck?
01:16:19.000 Why won't this guy go to sleep?
01:16:20.000 Putting his masks on.
01:16:23.000 So I nudge Brian.
01:16:25.000 I go, hey, it's your turn.
01:16:27.000 I'm gonna fucking pass out.
01:16:28.000 He's out cold.
01:16:30.000 I'm like, fuck, dude.
01:16:32.000 Fuck, man.
01:16:34.000 I'm too tired.
01:16:35.000 And I go...
01:16:38.000 Okay, I'm just going to stay up the whole night.
01:16:40.000 So I'm up, eyes are closing, bring him back up again, gripping the knife, and then sometime around 5.30 in the morning or something, my eyes are closed, but you know when you feel someone?
01:16:55.000 So he comes out of his room, and he's standing there, and I could see, and then I go, oh shit, and then I grip the knife, and I go, this is it.
01:17:03.000 This is it.
01:17:03.000 It's going to happen right now.
01:17:06.000 And he just leaves.
01:17:07.000 He goes out the door.
01:17:09.000 And I go, oh, fuck.
01:17:13.000 And then I wake up Brian.
01:17:14.000 I go, Brian, let's get the fuck out of here.
01:17:16.000 He's like, what?
01:17:17.000 What's going on?
01:17:18.000 He's like, dude, he just left.
01:17:19.000 He's like, okay, I'm going to take a shower then.
01:17:21.000 What are you talking about?
01:17:22.000 He's like, if he went to the store or something, he's not going to get some duct tape.
01:17:26.000 Yeah, he's not going to be back for a little.
01:17:27.000 I'll jump in and jump.
01:17:28.000 I go, dude, let's just go right now.
01:17:30.000 I don't know if he was jerking off or what.
01:17:32.000 I had my eyes closed, but he was standing right there.
01:17:34.000 And he's like, I'll be quick.
01:17:35.000 So he runs in, takes a fast shower.
01:17:40.000 We get our clothes on.
01:17:41.000 And just as we're walking out, he's like, hey.
01:17:43.000 He pulls in.
01:17:45.000 You guys leaving without saying bye?
01:17:47.000 I just went to the market to get some eggs for your breakfast, and I'm like, oh, fuck, dude.
01:17:52.000 So I'm like, I have a knife in my hand the whole time.
01:17:55.000 I go, uh, like, it's that thing where I'm a people pleaser.
01:18:00.000 You know, like, I'll even put my own life at risk to, like, this guy went to the store and got eggs for me, you know?
01:18:05.000 Like, uh, yeah, sure, we'll have some eggs.
01:18:08.000 So we go in, and the guy starts talking about His wife, and how he works on this offshore oil rig with a younger dude.
01:18:19.000 It's just two guys running this whole oil rig.
01:18:21.000 And the other guy just talks about how much he hates gay people the whole time.
01:18:26.000 Not knowing that this guy is...
01:18:28.000 Wow.
01:18:29.000 And then he just, like all the other times I've been picked up, he starts opening up about how he was married, he has a bunch of children, and then he figured out he was gay.
01:18:40.000 And then he's like, I could see it.
01:18:43.000 He knows we're on our way out.
01:18:44.000 He's never gonna see us.
01:18:45.000 Let's just fucking let it off.
01:18:47.000 You boys look so cute on the side of the road there last night.
01:18:50.000 And it was like, I was so like...
01:18:52.000 I'm so lonely.
01:18:54.000 I don't get to, you know, you don't know what it's like to be a queer guy in the deep south.
01:19:00.000 And man, when I came out this morning and I saw you guys sleeping together, you guys on the couch, you look so beautiful and perfect.
01:19:08.000 And I'm like, oh my fucking God, dude.
01:19:12.000 And then he says, I thought about just, you know, if you guys wouldn't mind if I just touched you a little bit.
01:19:20.000 And I'm like, what the fuck?
01:19:22.000 And, you know, once again, I froze.
01:19:24.000 I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, cool.
01:19:26.000 Yeah, so I said, yeah, we're gonna leave now.
01:19:29.000 So we just fucking booked it, and then all of his neighbors were black.
01:19:34.000 Like, he lived, like, in a black neighborhood, and, like, the houses are on stilts because of the swampland and whatever.
01:19:40.000 And I don't know if he's done this before, but as we ran out, I heard the kids laughing and they're like, oh, Tom, they're trying to do it again.
01:19:48.000 And I'm like, oh, fuck, this isn't the first time?
01:19:51.000 Oh, of course.
01:19:53.000 Look, man.
01:19:54.000 He probably drives around looking for hitchhikers.
01:19:56.000 I've hitchhiked all over the world.
01:19:58.000 That was the only time.
01:19:59.000 Right.
01:20:00.000 And so I highly recommend it.
01:20:04.000 But, yeah, what I was saying about being invisible is...
01:20:09.000 A lot of times people will do this or say, go back to where you come from because they're like, this fucker is not going to do anything.
01:20:16.000 And that's just not the way the world works.
01:20:21.000 You know, like someone was explaining to me the other day that no one ever wins a war.
01:20:25.000 I go, what are you talking about?
01:20:26.000 We come in, we blow shit up and then we take the...
01:20:28.000 It's like, if you look at Germany and Japan, right?
01:20:34.000 It's two countries that are very small.
01:20:36.000 You look at a globe and you look at how small they are.
01:20:39.000 These are two countries that are very tiny, that have tried to dominate every country around them.
01:20:44.000 And Japan has started, you know, Germany starts every world war, right?
01:20:48.000 And so you're like, oh, but we won those wars.
01:20:52.000 But we drive their cars now.
01:20:53.000 We drive Lexus.
01:20:55.000 They won in the end.
01:20:56.000 And then you think of the soldiers that come home, the PTSD, the drug addiction, the homelessness.
01:21:02.000 It's like, look at our country now.
01:21:04.000 It's like, did we win?
01:21:05.000 You won on the charts.
01:21:08.000 You look at the numbers.
01:21:09.000 We took this town.
01:21:10.000 We did this.
01:21:10.000 We did that.
01:21:11.000 And...
01:21:14.000 When you fuck with people, when you hurt someone, it stays with them forever.
01:21:19.000 Like, it stays with them for a long time.
01:21:21.000 Unless you have tools and different things to, like, work through those things, which I've been working on a lot.
01:21:28.000 But, yeah, being...
01:21:30.000 Oh, fuck, that's sort of racist that...
01:21:33.000 No one really thinks of me as a threat.
01:21:36.000 How can I turn that to an advantage?
01:21:38.000 I'm gonna travel the entire world.
01:21:40.000 I'm gonna train hop, I'm gonna hitchhike.
01:21:43.000 Vice gave me, like one of the first Vice shows was Thumbs Up.
01:21:48.000 Gavin McInnes, Shane Smith, those guys I used to, I've been writing and drawing.
01:21:53.000 That's how I found out about you.
01:21:55.000 Really?
01:21:55.000 Yeah.
01:21:55.000 I found out about you from, well, from two places.
01:21:58.000 One from Bourdain, but two from a video that I watch of you going to the Congo looking for a dinosaur.
01:22:05.000 That was the first thing I ever saw of you.
01:22:07.000 I think that's like, then I talked to Bourdain about you and he was like, you got to talk to this guy.
01:22:12.000 You got to meet him.
01:22:14.000 And when I saw your show, I was like, look at this dude.
01:22:17.000 This is crazy.
01:22:18.000 He's looking for a fucking brontosaurus in the middle of the Congo.
01:22:21.000 In 1994, I was living in Israel in a farm called Ramat HaKovesh, and it was a kibbutz.
01:22:28.000 And to live on the kibbutz, you have to work.
01:22:30.000 And I was the illegal immigrant there, so I have no money.
01:22:35.000 So I'm making enough working on the farm just to live on the farm.
01:22:39.000 And at this point, I'm 18 years old, I've been hitchhiking since I was 15, and I've seen the whole world.
01:22:45.000 I've hitchhiked through Europe, I've hitchhiked through the US back and forth.
01:22:50.000 And I'm bored.
01:22:52.000 I'm like, what, you go to the Eiffel Tower?
01:22:55.000 You take that same...
01:22:56.000 What haven't we done yet?
01:23:00.000 It's all mapped out.
01:23:01.000 We've been to everywhere.
01:23:02.000 We've seen everything.
01:23:03.000 We've done everything.
01:23:04.000 I have a heart of an explorer.
01:23:07.000 I want to find new things, you know?
01:23:09.000 And so I'm living on this kibbutz.
01:23:11.000 Most of the other people there are from Australia and South Africa.
01:23:15.000 And what I love about them is they're so racist that they don't even know they're racist.
01:23:19.000 Like, I'm the only Asian guy there, and they're like, Nintendo!
01:23:22.000 Sega Genesis!
01:23:23.000 I'm like, I got a name!
01:23:24.000 And they're like, no, your name's Nintendo.
01:23:26.000 I'm like, okay.
01:23:27.000 And so, I'm working illegally in a casino, illegally at a wedding catering place, and then working on this farm.
01:23:35.000 So I have three jobs.
01:23:36.000 I'm making like, you know, under the table And there's a library on the farm of books that have been left behind by past travelers.
01:23:45.000 And of course, there's an old, from the 70s or 80s, National Geographic catalog.
01:23:51.000 And I start reading about Mokele Membe.
01:23:54.000 I don't know if that's how you say it, but it's...
01:23:58.000 Scientists, National Geographic people have spotted this fucking brontosaur-like thing in the Congo, and it's still there, and the Congo is still...
01:24:07.000 It's the heart of darkness.
01:24:09.000 I gotta fucking find this thing.
01:24:11.000 I gotta go there.
01:24:13.000 Like, I was...
01:24:14.000 How old were you at the time?
01:24:15.000 I was 18. You decided you were gonna go there?
01:24:17.000 I was like, I have to go there.
01:24:18.000 How old were you when you went?
01:24:19.000 18 years old.
01:24:21.000 No, no, and then Vice...
01:24:22.000 I'll bring it back to how that turned into Vice, but...
01:24:26.000 So I get on a plane, tons of lying and manipulating to get the visa because it wasn't open to tourism, it was only open to business.
01:24:34.000 And so I make up this story that I'm a bodyguard to a toothpaste executive and I work day and night to get a ticket to the Congo.
01:24:44.000 And there's no tickets.
01:24:45.000 It's this airline, Aeroflot.
01:24:46.000 And I'm in Israel, which is close to Africa, but because it's this Russian airline, I get on this flight, it goes to Moscow, and then Malta, and then like six other African countries, and then it lands in Brazzaville.
01:24:58.000 How long?
01:25:00.000 Like three days almost, and like a shaky airplane, you know?
01:25:04.000 And, you know, everyone in there is the ones that got to get out, right?
01:25:09.000 So when they're coming back, they're bringing chickens and goats and all kinds of shit on the plane, and it smells like shit.
01:25:14.000 And I don't know.
01:25:16.000 This is pre-internet, right?
01:25:17.000 I don't have any information on the Congo except for I heard that there's a dinosaur there.
01:25:22.000 What year?
01:25:23.000 94. 94, 95. I lost track of time, but it was right after high school.
01:25:28.000 So 18, 19. So you don't have a cell phone either.
01:25:31.000 No cell phone, nothing.
01:25:33.000 And the second I get off the plane, it smells horrible.
01:25:37.000 Because there's just burning trash everywhere.
01:25:39.000 And it's hot.
01:25:40.000 And it's oppressive.
01:25:42.000 And I go, what the fuck am I doing?
01:25:46.000 Why am I here?
01:25:47.000 And everyone there asked me, what are you doing here?
01:25:49.000 They don't speak English.
01:25:50.000 They speak French.
01:25:51.000 I didn't know that.
01:25:53.000 They're in the middle of a civil war.
01:25:55.000 I think the two factions were called the ninjas and the cobras, like little kids shooting at night.
01:26:01.000 Every third bullet is like a tracer bullet.
01:26:03.000 So it looks like fireworks.
01:26:04.000 I go, what is that?
01:26:05.000 And they're like, oh, they're just shooting into the air.
01:26:08.000 First breakout of Ebola, malaria and People go, why did you do that?
01:26:16.000 It's not normal behavior.
01:26:18.000 And I go, the LA riots happened in 1992. I watched normal civilization, normal civilized manners.
01:26:30.000 You know, this is how people are.
01:26:32.000 You go to a store.
01:26:33.000 I saw that crumble overnight.
01:26:35.000 In one night, it went from, fuck you.
01:26:38.000 Everything, let's burn down.
01:26:40.000 Let's rob, pillage, steal, everything.
01:26:42.000 I go, oh, it could happen that fast.
01:26:44.000 Once again that same kind of oh, I think I'm accepted in this country I think people like me for me and it's like no, we don't want you get the fuck go back to where you come from so I think You know and I could go on and on about all the traumas I've experienced in my life,
01:27:00.000 but I hurt people hurt people I was in a lot of pain.
01:27:02.000 I was like I Didn't like Korean people.
01:27:05.000 I didn't like myself.
01:27:06.000 I didn't like I'd experienced a lot of abuse from black people and I just wanted to...
01:27:13.000 I didn't know anything.
01:27:14.000 There was no internet.
01:27:16.000 I felt like an alien.
01:27:18.000 I'm like, I don't belong anywhere.
01:27:20.000 I just...
01:27:21.000 So I would go Everyone goes, don't go to Bosnia.
01:27:26.000 Don't go to the Congo.
01:27:27.000 Don't go to the Gaza Strip.
01:27:28.000 I'm going to go every fucking place.
01:27:31.000 My life has been very reactionary.
01:27:33.000 My life has been like, you don't tell me what to do.
01:27:36.000 You don't tell me how to podcast.
01:27:38.000 I'm going to stick a butt plug in my...
01:27:39.000 I'm going to do what...
01:27:41.000 I'm in the Congo and...
01:27:48.000 It's in a full-blown war.
01:27:49.000 There's people being—and everyone's like, who are you?
01:27:54.000 Who is this blonde Asian here?
01:27:56.000 Like, I had my hair dyed then, too.
01:27:59.000 And so I could go and tell a million stories about the Congo, but at some point— You were looking for this brontosaurus for real, or you just wanted to go to the Congo as well?
01:28:11.000 I know the kids like to say 100%.
01:28:13.000 I've heard you say it too.
01:28:15.000 Why not 99% just to leave 1% for it down?
01:28:19.000 99% I was there for the dinosaur.
01:28:23.000 I was so young and dumb and stupid and ignorant where I truly, truly thought I was going to find it.
01:28:32.000 I didn't know enough about...
01:28:35.000 Everything made sense to me.
01:28:37.000 Because...
01:28:40.000 Anyone listening to this right now, we're talking about a story from 20 years ago, right?
01:28:44.000 I was a stupid kid.
01:28:46.000 I believed in Santa Claus very late, you know, like I was a bedwetter.
01:28:51.000 I'm fucked up, man.
01:28:53.000 So, when I finally did get to the jungle, I got out of Brazzaville, and I got to this jungle area called Hueso.
01:29:03.000 Then I believed.
01:29:04.000 Because the spiders are this big, and the frogs are this big, and How big are the frogs?
01:29:10.000 Just everything looks insane.
01:29:12.000 The snakes.
01:29:13.000 They got snakes out here this big?
01:29:14.000 It was like, okay, now I believe.
01:29:17.000 Every year, scientists were finding a new species of something that they thought was gone.
01:29:21.000 And I'm like, okay.
01:29:24.000 And then I meet the pygmies.
01:29:27.000 Whoa.
01:29:28.000 And that was...
01:29:30.000 Fuck, I don't know what version of the story I should tell because it gets so dark.
01:29:36.000 I met a German guy named...
01:29:38.000 Fuck, I shouldn't say his name.
01:29:39.000 I met a German guy there who was the same age as me.
01:29:43.000 And he could...
01:29:44.000 This is in the city.
01:29:45.000 And then he could tell that I was lost.
01:29:47.000 I didn't know who this guy was.
01:29:49.000 He was being groomed to be like the next big politician in Frankfurt or something.
01:29:54.000 And so I didn't get this until later.
01:29:54.000 Right.
01:29:56.000 But he was here as his like sex vacation to fuck as many black...
01:30:01.000 He liked black women.
01:30:02.000 So he's going to fuck as many...
01:30:07.000 Curb your language, Dave.
01:30:08.000 To have as many intimate relations with women as possible.
01:30:13.000 Is that better?
01:30:14.000 No.
01:30:17.000 I'm trying to be better for myself.
01:30:18.000 That's what I'm trying to do.
01:30:19.000 The other way was better.
01:30:20.000 You were explaining what it was.
01:30:21.000 It's not a bad thing.
01:30:22.000 That's what he was doing.
01:30:23.000 So I figure out...
01:30:24.000 I get it.
01:30:24.000 So he sees me as another young guy...
01:30:26.000 It's not a bad thing to explain things accurately, you know?
01:30:30.000 You could use other words, though.
01:30:31.000 Yeah, but that's what it is, right?
01:30:33.000 It is what it is, but I... I can come off, I can turn people off when I use that language.
01:30:40.000 Who are these people?
01:30:43.000 People that don't like you?
01:30:45.000 No, no, they're people that...
01:30:46.000 They want Dave, no swear Dave.
01:30:48.000 I came here for G-rated Dave, and I want my money back.
01:30:52.000 I'm not trying to be G-rated, I'm just trying to...
01:30:53.000 PG-13 Dave.
01:30:55.000 That's what I was signing up for.
01:30:57.000 Occasionally, the word shit.
01:30:59.000 PG-13, they have like rules, right?
01:31:01.000 Like two shits.
01:31:02.000 99%.
01:31:03.000 Okay, so I'm with...
01:31:05.000 You thought there was a real dinosaur in there, and when you got there and you saw the big frogs and the big snakes, you're like, maybe it is.
01:31:13.000 Yeah, maybe it is, and what happens is...
01:31:17.000 We go to the last spotting of it, right?
01:31:20.000 And then I meet...
01:31:21.000 Is there any evidence at all?
01:31:23.000 Everyone I talk to?
01:31:25.000 Oh, yeah.
01:31:26.000 Yeah, we've seen it.
01:31:27.000 There's no like, no, that's crazy.
01:31:30.000 Every fucking person I meet is like, oh, yeah, it's in the last...
01:31:33.000 Is it one of those things where, realistically, there's not a whole lot of people looking for it anyway?
01:31:39.000 No, but there are scientists that go out there.
01:31:41.000 And in the meantime, I've never seen anyone murdered before.
01:31:46.000 Until I got here, right?
01:31:47.000 I've been through the LA riots.
01:31:48.000 I've seen things broken and burned down and guns pointed, but I've never seen anyone hung.
01:31:52.000 I've never seen anyone stoned to death.
01:31:54.000 And it's absolute chaos.
01:31:57.000 I'm seeing people murdered.
01:31:59.000 I'm scared for my life.
01:32:00.000 I got attacked one time.
01:32:02.000 So I go, I need to find it.
01:32:04.000 Now I have to find this dinosaur.
01:32:06.000 And I also know that there's a chance that I might never go home again.
01:32:10.000 So I write a letter to my parents.
01:32:12.000 They don't know where I am.
01:32:13.000 They think I'm in Israel on this farm.
01:32:15.000 Like, I didn't tell anybody.
01:32:16.000 So I wrote my parents this long letter of, I love you guys.
01:32:21.000 I'm about to embark on a journey to find a dinosaur.
01:32:25.000 Yeah.
01:32:26.000 And I sent it at the airport before I got on the plane to the jungle.
01:32:30.000 I have no money.
01:32:31.000 I have only one change of clothes.
01:32:32.000 I have fucking blonde hair.
01:32:33.000 And I go into the jungle and we get lost immediately.
01:32:38.000 I'm a fucking city boy.
01:32:39.000 What the hell do I know about the jungle?
01:32:41.000 What do I know about the jungle?
01:32:44.000 Did you have any direction?
01:32:45.000 Nothing.
01:32:46.000 I just knew what...
01:32:48.000 You know what?
01:32:50.000 When I landed in the jungle, there was a guy...
01:32:53.000 That I think I want to say his name is Chris, that was a Peace Corps guy.
01:32:57.000 And he was there to help build welds in this Bantu village.
01:33:01.000 And he said, the place which you guys are looking for, he's like, it's a, you're not going to find a diamond.
01:33:06.000 You know, he was like the reasonable one.
01:33:08.000 And I go, how do I know if you don't try?
01:33:11.000 You know, I still believed.
01:33:12.000 I still wanted to believe.
01:33:14.000 I was willing to risk my life for it.
01:33:18.000 So we get...
01:33:18.000 I haven't fucking told this story in so long.
01:33:20.000 So we get to the jungle and we start walking.
01:33:23.000 There's a minor trail and then it disappears.
01:33:25.000 It's just gone and I'm like, we're fucking lost in the jungle.
01:33:29.000 We're lost in the jungle.
01:33:31.000 So...
01:33:31.000 I'm with this guy that...
01:33:37.000 What we told people, he was here to fuck as many women as possible, but we went with the story of he is the toothpaste executive and I'm his bodyguard.
01:33:45.000 That's a fake bullshit story.
01:33:47.000 As we're lost in the jungle, he starts to think that story is real.
01:33:51.000 Hey, go fetch me a pineapple.
01:33:54.000 I go, dude, I'm not your...
01:33:55.000 He's like, you're not a real executive, bro.
01:33:58.000 And he starts telling me...
01:34:00.000 I'm like, hey, you know that was a fake story, right?
01:34:04.000 And there's no one around.
01:34:07.000 So we get lost for days and he starts to really be like humiliating towards me and right on my nerves and we had rations.
01:34:18.000 We went in with some crackers and some like tuna in a can thing and I go, hey man, we're fucking lost.
01:34:24.000 I don't know how to survive.
01:34:25.000 We need to ration this food out.
01:34:26.000 I come, he ate it all.
01:34:27.000 He ate it all.
01:34:31.000 And now like Have you ever been in that kind of situation where you're like I'm gonna die here like I'm never gonna like hope is gone like I'm in a thick thick Congolese jungle like I don't know how to get out and we've been lost for days like I don't know how to survive I don't fucking know how to like This is it,
01:34:53.000 you know?
01:34:54.000 And on top of it, I have this fucking German asshole who's like talking down to me, making fun of me, and eating my fucking rations.
01:34:54.000 That's insane.
01:35:01.000 Like, I would pump all the fucking water and put the water purification tablets and be like, thanks?
01:35:06.000 And I'm like, dude, what the fuck, man?
01:35:08.000 Like, I did all that work so we could share it, and...
01:35:11.000 So he was just...
01:35:13.000 He was a dick.
01:35:14.000 And so...
01:35:15.000 Man, and you're stuck in the jungle with a dick.
01:35:16.000 You've been in a jungle like that before?
01:35:18.000 No.
01:35:19.000 No.
01:35:19.000 Dude, so we set up a tent.
01:35:20.000 We have one tent.
01:35:21.000 And so we're in close quarters with each other.
01:35:25.000 At night, the moon is like this fucking big.
01:35:28.000 Like it's humongous.
01:35:30.000 And you hear the entire jungle come alive.
01:35:33.000 Like fucking monkeys.
01:35:34.000 And like things are bumping into the tent at night.
01:35:37.000 Like huge insects.
01:35:38.000 And like...
01:35:39.000 And I'm like...
01:35:40.000 I'm gonna die here.
01:35:42.000 I'm gonna die here.
01:35:44.000 So...
01:35:46.000 The few times in my life where I've been in this kind of hopeless situation, the only thing that's going to get me out of it is if I can control my mind.
01:35:54.000 Because I'm falling into despair.
01:35:57.000 And in the daytime, I'm doing stand-up to the trees.
01:36:01.000 Because we're just walking in circles and I'm like, hey, how are you guys doing all tonight?
01:36:04.000 So you don't know where you are?
01:36:06.000 I don't know where I am.
01:36:07.000 I'm talking to the vegetation.
01:36:08.000 Oh my god.
01:36:10.000 And this guy is riding my last nerve, and he's...
01:36:13.000 And so, I could safely say I lost my mind.
01:36:16.000 And so, we're down to our last food, and he did it again.
01:36:23.000 And I said, bro, what the fuck did I tell you?
01:36:26.000 We gotta make this last.
01:36:27.000 I'm starving.
01:36:28.000 You ate the rations that were supposed to...
01:36:30.000 That was it!
01:36:31.000 And he's like, whatever.
01:36:32.000 And he has a more, like, dissociated, like, checked out, like, we'll get out of here somehow.
01:36:39.000 And part of I don't know his coping thing was to like talk down to me or whatever and so that night and We're lost at this point a week and a half.
01:36:48.000 Maybe we haven't you know, I'm fucking 90 pounds.
01:36:51.000 I've lost all this weight I'm gonna kill this guy.
01:36:54.000 I'm gonna murder him.
01:36:55.000 I'm gonna fucking murder him because I Don't like people talking shit to me like that.
01:37:00.000 I don't like I've been a punching bag for this guy for for weeks now and And I'm just gonna fucking kill him.
01:37:06.000 And if I have to eat him to survive, I guess I'll do that.
01:37:10.000 And so he's out cold.
01:37:11.000 He's got fucking crumbs on his face, tuna fucking juice from the food that was supposed to be shared.
01:37:17.000 And I pick up, I go outside the tent and I pick up, I pick up a huge rock, like bigger than this.
01:37:23.000 And I go, I'm gonna fucking kill this guy.
01:37:26.000 I have officially lost my mind.
01:37:29.000 Like I can't, I'm barely gonna survive.
01:37:32.000 I can't do it here with this guy.
01:37:35.000 So he's sound, and I was fucking looking at his face.
01:37:38.000 And I pick up the rock, and I go...
01:37:41.000 Just...
01:37:42.000 I don't even have to apply any pressure.
01:37:44.000 If I just drop it, he's done.
01:37:45.000 Like, he'll be fucking dead.
01:37:49.000 And I go, fuck, is there anything left?
01:37:51.000 Is there any common sense?
01:37:52.000 Is there any light left in my...
01:37:54.000 I gotta fucking kill this guy.
01:38:02.000 He has to go.
01:38:03.000 He has to die.
01:38:06.000 He has to die.
01:38:07.000 He has to fucking die.
01:38:11.000 And then I just, I didn't do it.
01:38:13.000 I'm not a murderer.
01:38:14.000 I can't, like, in the mind.
01:38:18.000 I'll do it.
01:38:18.000 I'll do what?
01:38:20.000 Murder Dave, come to the front.
01:38:22.000 No one's ever gonna know.
01:38:24.000 His family doesn't know he's there.
01:38:26.000 Your family, nobody knows who you are.
01:38:29.000 This guy Chris, the Peace Corps guy, he's not gonna fucking say anything.
01:38:33.000 You can kill him right now.
01:38:35.000 He has a ton of cash that he hasn't been sharing with you.
01:38:38.000 You can get out of here.
01:38:40.000 You can fucking get some of your pride and your ego back.
01:38:43.000 Those fucking guys treating you like a fucking Chinese waiter or something.
01:38:48.000 Do it!
01:38:50.000 No one will ever know.
01:38:52.000 No one will ever fucking find out.
01:38:54.000 You're probably gonna die too.
01:38:57.000 You wanna die like fucking catering to this guy?
01:38:59.000 Just do it.
01:39:01.000 And I'm sitting, no, I don't want to.
01:39:04.000 I'm not a murderer and I didn't kill him.
01:39:07.000 I woke up the next day and I'm just looking at him like, motherfucker, you don't even know.
01:39:11.000 You don't even know what almost happened last night.
01:39:14.000 We're walking around.
01:39:16.000 Hey, what's that?
01:39:17.000 There's a fucking pygmy.
01:39:20.000 Up one of those 200, 100 foot trees, he's just sitting there, chilling.
01:39:24.000 And I go, what is that?
01:39:26.000 Is that a person?
01:39:27.000 Waved at us.
01:39:29.000 200 feet above you.
01:39:30.000 Huge tree, like just, I don't know.
01:39:32.000 That's so high.
01:39:33.000 It's so high.
01:39:34.000 It was so high.
01:39:34.000 Oh my god.
01:39:36.000 How did you spot him?
01:39:37.000 He was like, it was shaking a little.
01:39:42.000 From the place he was, to get in front of us, was seconds.
01:39:46.000 Yeah.
01:39:47.000 It's like, hi!
01:39:48.000 It's like this short.
01:39:49.000 What's this jungle?
01:39:50.000 I mean, when you're in there, do you even see sunlight through it?
01:39:54.000 No.
01:39:54.000 Or is it just...
01:39:55.000 It's so dense.
01:39:56.000 I mean, like, yeah, there's some cracks, but it's...
01:39:58.000 This was also in the National Geographic why the dinosaur would be here.
01:40:03.000 It's because cameras can't see it because it's such a dense, thick forest.
01:40:07.000 And there's things in there that are, like, moving and, you know...
01:40:10.000 Dude, your description sounds terrifying.
01:40:12.000 It's terrifying.
01:40:12.000 Trying to sleep in the tent?
01:40:13.000 Oh, my God.
01:40:14.000 God, dude.
01:40:15.000 I'm freaking out over here.
01:40:17.000 So the guy comes up.
01:40:20.000 He's this short.
01:40:21.000 He's like tiny.
01:40:23.000 He's like, you guys want some honey?
01:40:25.000 What?
01:40:27.000 And this is where my skill as an artist has gotten me out of so many situations, right?
01:40:35.000 Because if you're in jail and you have any kind of skills, singing, dancing, telling jokes, drawing, you're a celebrity.
01:40:41.000 So this guy doesn't speak English.
01:40:43.000 We don't speak whatever language he speaks.
01:40:45.000 So I start drawing stuff like food, like, you know, in the dirt.
01:40:48.000 And he's like, oh, yeah, I got you.
01:40:50.000 And he goes and he brings us some meat that's all charred.
01:40:55.000 And I'm like, I don't know what that is, you know?
01:40:59.000 And I took one bite and it tastes horrible.
01:41:02.000 And I'm like, I'm going to starve to death, but I can't eat that.
01:41:05.000 Wow.
01:41:06.000 And so it was like a movie.
01:41:08.000 He's like, come on, come on.
01:41:09.000 We're walking.
01:41:10.000 And, you know, it's us like stumbling, machete, trying to...
01:41:13.000 He's just like...
01:41:14.000 We get around a corner.
01:41:18.000 Entire village of pygmies.
01:41:19.000 They've never fucking seen an Asian person before.
01:41:22.000 I'm C-3PO and they're the Ewoks from...
01:41:25.000 Blonde, they're coming.
01:41:27.000 They're touching my face.
01:41:28.000 They're like...
01:41:29.000 Yeah, look at...
01:41:30.000 I don't know what the fuck they're saying.
01:41:34.000 The kid keeps doing this thing.
01:41:37.000 I go, what are you saying?
01:41:40.000 There was one older, older guy in the village that I guess spoke a tiny bit of French.
01:41:46.000 So the German guy can translate.
01:41:48.000 He's like, they're saying you come from the stars.
01:41:50.000 Oh my god.
01:41:51.000 That you're coming from the stars.
01:41:52.000 And I'm like, oh my god.
01:41:54.000 That's heavy.
01:41:56.000 So I'm like, we're saved.
01:41:58.000 They bring us some honey.
01:41:59.000 They bring us some fruit.
01:41:59.000 And I'm like, oh god.
01:42:00.000 I'm like just devouring it.
01:42:01.000 They're laughing at us.
01:42:03.000 And, you know, it's like the National Geographic.
01:42:05.000 The women's tits are like down to their ankles.
01:42:08.000 And, um...
01:42:11.000 Fucking guy.
01:42:12.000 He's an alien.
01:42:13.000 He's an alien.
01:42:14.000 I told you.
01:42:15.000 1995. I was 19 years old.
01:42:19.000 Yeah.
01:42:19.000 19 years old.
01:42:20.000 Wow.
01:42:21.000 Yeah.
01:42:21.000 And they put their clothes on for the picture.
01:42:25.000 They were all naked when I got in there.
01:42:26.000 Wow.
01:42:28.000 Look at my Tevas.
01:42:30.000 That's amazing.
01:42:32.000 That picture's amazing.
01:42:34.000 So I... Now, had any of these people seen it?
01:42:37.000 Did you ever describe it to them?
01:42:39.000 Oh, yeah.
01:42:39.000 So I draw the dinosaur.
01:42:40.000 I go, here's the dinosaur.
01:42:43.000 And what were they saying?
01:42:44.000 They go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:42:46.000 There's never like, no.
01:42:47.000 It's always like, okay, there's the dinosaur.
01:42:50.000 And they go, let's go.
01:42:52.000 And they go, it's through wetlands like this.
01:42:57.000 There's going to be leeches.
01:43:00.000 There's a disease called bilharzia, where there's snails under still moving waters, and the second a mammal steps in the water, little fucking parasites shoot off the snail, like heat-seeking missiles, and they go in your dickhole,
01:43:15.000 and then you piss and shit blood till you die.
01:43:17.000 And I'm like, okay...
01:43:21.000 I tap out.
01:43:23.000 So they're explaining all the trek and the way to go find this dinosaur.
01:43:30.000 And I'm like...
01:43:31.000 I went up until the leeches.
01:43:34.000 And then when I came out with the leeches, I go, alright.
01:43:37.000 This is it.
01:43:38.000 I go, can you help us get out of the jungle?
01:43:41.000 And they're like, it took less than a day.
01:43:44.000 That's how close we were to like...
01:43:46.000 Yeah, we were probably fucking walking in circles.
01:43:46.000 Really?
01:43:49.000 So we get out in less than a day.
01:43:52.000 I get back home.
01:43:53.000 I'm 19 years old.
01:43:54.000 I start writing for Vice.
01:43:57.000 I start drawing pictures for them.
01:43:58.000 I do comics.
01:43:59.000 I'm writing.
01:44:01.000 Oh no, I was writing for a magazine called Giant Robot.
01:44:04.000 And Gavin and Shane would read that magazine and they're like, They were ahead of the curve, right?
01:44:09.000 Like when all print magazine existed, they were like, we need to go to digital.
01:44:18.000 You know Vice has always been free.
01:44:21.000 Everyone fiends it.
01:44:22.000 They go to those magazine shops or wherever.
01:44:24.000 Yeah.
01:44:26.000 And they're like, we need to have online presence.
01:44:27.000 The internet was brand new.
01:44:29.000 And they said, Dave, that is the fucking...
01:44:32.000 And I told you, not the PG-13, but that story gets very dark, darker than what I said.
01:44:39.000 And they go, will you go back with a camera and a camera crew?
01:44:43.000 And I said, that was one of the most traumatic...
01:44:47.000 I almost died.
01:44:48.000 I saw people murdered.
01:44:50.000 There was a fucking virus where people were bleeding out of their eyeballs.
01:44:54.000 Okay, I'll go.
01:44:54.000 No.
01:44:57.000 Enough time had passed.
01:44:58.000 It was 10 years later, actually.
01:44:59.000 That was 95, and then it was like 8 or 10 years later.
01:45:07.000 So that was the one that Vice filmed?
01:45:09.000 They're like, can you go back?
01:45:10.000 So that photo for the Mickey Mouse shirt was from the earlier trip?
01:45:12.000 That was from when I went with the film, like just my camera.
01:45:15.000 So I go back, and how did we even get to this?
01:45:19.000 The dinosaur.
01:45:20.000 The dinosaur.
01:45:23.000 They all see the same dinosaur?
01:45:24.000 Oh shit, look at that.
01:45:26.000 There it is.
01:45:27.000 Dude, you're fucking on fire, Jamie.
01:45:29.000 Holy fuck!
01:45:31.000 That one number three?
01:45:31.000 Yeah.
01:45:32.000 Number three is bonkers.
01:45:34.000 What is that?
01:45:35.000 Unless it's a log.
01:45:36.000 Could be a log.
01:45:37.000 So on my second trip back, I met the doctor.
01:45:41.000 There was a doctor that lived in the village close to that river.
01:45:44.000 Look at the track.
01:45:45.000 And he said he'd seen it.
01:45:47.000 Really?
01:45:47.000 And he's like not, you know...
01:45:50.000 I wonder if any real legitimate biologists have looked at those tracks.
01:45:56.000 Maybe they could tell you, by the way, the footprint.
01:45:58.000 They can kind of tell whether things are fake or real or not based on where the weight is distributed.
01:46:05.000 Someone who really understands how these animals would walk.
01:46:08.000 I think it would be really hard to fake dinosaur footprints, right?
01:46:12.000 Because the weight, it would have to have...
01:46:16.000 The description I just read in this said it wasn't that big.
01:46:19.000 I shouldn't say it's not big, but it's like 30 feet, 35 feet.
01:46:22.000 It's pretty big.
01:46:23.000 It's like a big giant elephant size.
01:46:24.000 Think about how big those fucking alligators were that we were just talking about.
01:46:28.000 So it might be a turtle they were seeing.
01:46:30.000 I don't know what they actually found.
01:46:32.000 A turtle?
01:46:33.000 Their dicks were so big.
01:46:35.000 When we went to the river to bathe, they were like, okay, let me just take their clothes off.
01:46:39.000 And I'm like...
01:46:40.000 Oh, I'm gonna keep my clothes on.
01:46:42.000 And I go, they go, I go, dude, I have like a normal penis for, like, I'm proportioned correctly.
01:46:49.000 Like, your shit is down to your knees.
01:46:51.000 And this was back in the city when I got back to Brazzaville and they're like, bro.
01:46:56.000 You know why our dicks are so big?
01:46:58.000 And there's all these naked kids running around.
01:46:58.000 I'm like, why?
01:47:00.000 He's like, because we never wear underwear.
01:47:02.000 And I'm like, what?
01:47:03.000 Like, see the girl whose tits are down to her stomach?
01:47:05.000 Never wear a bra.
01:47:06.000 It's gravity, bro.
01:47:07.000 Everything just droops.
01:47:08.000 I'm like, that's why your dicks are so big?
01:47:10.000 I'm like, I'm still gonna leave my underwear on.
01:47:11.000 Like, this is...
01:47:12.000 Takes too much time!
01:47:13.000 Wait, you've never been to Africa?
01:47:15.000 No, never been to Africa.
01:47:16.000 Dude!
01:47:18.000 I'm begging you.
01:47:19.000 I know you're into the hunting and the bow hunting.
01:47:21.000 Please, like...
01:47:23.000 So when I texted you...
01:47:25.000 It doesn't have to do with anything.
01:47:27.000 Africa, man.
01:47:27.000 Hunting in Africa, you mean?
01:47:29.000 So when I texted you the other day, I saw that the last time I texted you was 2018. I was like, dude, I'm going to Africa.
01:47:36.000 I'll see you when I get back.
01:47:37.000 That's right.
01:47:37.000 Yeah.
01:47:38.000 And...
01:47:39.000 Okay, this is the...
01:47:41.000 Yes.
01:47:41.000 Yeah, you're telling me.
01:47:43.000 Please.
01:47:43.000 This is very heavy.
01:47:44.000 So, there's hunter-gatherer tribes in the Arctic, Papua New Guinea, the Amazon, Africa, but very few.
01:47:54.000 They're almost gone.
01:47:55.000 There's very, very few people that live off the land, and I just...
01:48:01.000 Whenever the podcast went off the air and I ghosted, I just lost my mind.
01:48:06.000 I hit my rock bottom, and...
01:48:09.000 Very similar pattern of what I always do when things get rough is I just go to Africa.
01:48:13.000 I go, it's a weird thing to be Rich or be in a country that's rich or have stuff and as an adult someone has to teach you gratitude.
01:48:26.000 Like I hear you say it all the time.
01:48:27.000 I'm thankful.
01:48:28.000 I'm thankful.
01:48:29.000 I go, but I'm not.
01:48:29.000 I'm grateful.
01:48:31.000 I have everything and yet I fucking complain like crazy.
01:48:34.000 I'm like, I need to get the fuck out of here.
01:48:36.000 I need to go someplace where I can learn humility.
01:48:40.000 I can learn to be grateful.
01:48:42.000 So I get to...
01:48:43.000 I'm traumatized now by the Congo.
01:48:45.000 I didn't even go into my second Congo story when I went with Vice.
01:48:48.000 That was even crazier when the fucking chief tried to kill us.
01:48:52.000 So the Congo is the heart of darkness.
01:48:55.000 I get why those books are written.
01:48:57.000 I get why people have these mind-losing experiences out there.
01:49:01.000 Because it is one of the fucking darkest countries I've ever been.
01:49:04.000 So I don't want to go somewhere different this time.
01:49:07.000 Do you know the European settlers, they tried to live in the Congo for a while?
01:49:11.000 I met one.
01:49:12.000 Did you see the houses that they left behind?
01:49:14.000 Dude, when I got to this Bantu village, and Chuck, his name was Chuck.
01:49:19.000 Chuck, if you're listening, I know it's 20 years ago, long blonde hair, from Oregon, Peace Corps guy.
01:49:24.000 He got malaria while we were there.
01:49:27.000 And he goes, please contact Francois.
01:49:31.000 And I go, who the fuck is Francois?
01:49:33.000 And he goes, he's in the jungle.
01:49:35.000 And this isn't in the Congo village.
01:49:37.000 This is the Bantu village.
01:49:38.000 And he goes, you go down this tree.
01:49:40.000 So he's deep in the...
01:49:42.000 But this is still near a village.
01:49:44.000 It's not, you know...
01:49:45.000 So we go into the jungle, and there's like a giant Victorian French, like, European house in the middle of the fucking jungle.
01:49:55.000 And I'm like, how did this happen?
01:49:57.000 And he's like...
01:49:58.000 So we go in there, and Francois is just like some fucking weird French dude that just said, I'm gonna stay here.
01:50:07.000 He had like 12...
01:50:08.000 Bantu wives there's all these like half black half white babies crawling around and he has a ham radio and he's like what's going on I'm like Chuck is fucking dying can he said to come contact you he's like okay I'll contact the aircraft carrier and they'll send a chopper in for him I was like oh shit,
01:50:26.000 but yeah, that's that's the one time I saw a French Victorian I don't even know how to describe the architecture It was like a beautiful French home in the middle of the fucking Congo jungle Yeah, there was a website dedicated to those people that tried to do that.
01:50:41.000 And it just detailed how it all went terrible for them.
01:50:44.000 The jungle just overcame the house.
01:50:47.000 Like, you can't keep the jungle back.
01:50:48.000 It's too powerful.
01:50:50.000 Everything grows so quickly.
01:50:50.000 There's too much there.
01:50:53.000 It's just fucking...
01:50:54.000 I mean, you'd have grass popping out through the middle of your floorboards and shit.
01:50:59.000 Trees trying to grow through the side of your sewage system.
01:51:02.000 Like, they're just...
01:51:03.000 It's just too much.
01:51:06.000 It's wild.
01:51:06.000 When you just said too much, like, I just thought right now, every time I hit a rock bottom and my life gets too much, I go back to Africa.
01:51:16.000 So when someone says, go back to where you come from, maybe it's Africa.
01:51:19.000 Well, we all do.
01:51:20.000 Right.
01:51:20.000 We all do.
01:51:21.000 So, I look at Tanzania on the map, and it's pretty close to the Congo, and I'm like, fuck, am I ready for that?
01:51:27.000 And I heard from so many people how nice the Tanzanians are.
01:51:31.000 So I went...
01:51:33.000 Life-changing experience.
01:51:34.000 I meet the Hadza, who...
01:51:37.000 You gotta understand, this is how humans have been living for two million years.
01:51:41.000 And the Hadza have been in this area for 50,000 years.
01:51:45.000 And...
01:51:45.000 And...
01:51:47.000 I go...
01:51:50.000 Same thing, they're like, who are...
01:51:52.000 You know, are you tourists?
01:51:52.000 I go, can I just like live with you guys for a little bit?
01:51:55.000 And they're like, they're so nice.
01:51:57.000 They're so welcoming.
01:51:59.000 They don't even...
01:52:01.000 They don't even have the words for violence and hate.
01:52:05.000 They're very present.
01:52:10.000 My life is falling apart.
01:52:13.000 I'm mentally ill.
01:52:16.000 I'm bipolar.
01:52:17.000 I'm manic depressive.
01:52:18.000 I'm addicted to fucking everything.
01:52:20.000 My disease is a disease of more.
01:52:22.000 It's a bottomless pit I can never fill.
01:52:22.000 I need more.
01:52:24.000 I just need to...
01:52:26.000 That's my action.
01:52:26.000 Run away.
01:52:27.000 My action response to everything my whole life is to run away.
01:52:31.000 So I'm in Africa.
01:52:32.000 No one's gonna fucking find me here.
01:52:34.000 And I'm living with this tribe, the Hadza.
01:52:37.000 And they go...
01:52:38.000 So I say living, but it's not really living.
01:52:41.000 Because they're living in a cave.
01:52:42.000 They're hunting.
01:52:43.000 They're gathering.
01:52:45.000 I stayed there for a week doing the fake living.
01:52:48.000 I am in a tent.
01:52:50.000 These guys are carrying all this shit for me, my water, truckloads of water.
01:52:55.000 And in that time, I saw in one week how much trash I leave behind.
01:53:00.000 I don't see it here because it goes in the bin and the trash man comes.
01:53:03.000 In one week, these guys leave zero carbon footprint.
01:53:07.000 They come to a place.
01:53:08.000 They're nomadic.
01:53:09.000 They set up the shop.
01:53:10.000 They hunt.
01:53:11.000 They live.
01:53:11.000 And then they go to the next place.
01:53:13.000 I left a mountain of bottles, toilet paper, Clif Bar wrapper, you know, that's what all I was eating there.
01:53:21.000 And I go, this is sad.
01:53:24.000 One human being left a mountain of trash and I go, what do we do?
01:53:27.000 And they're like, we burn it.
01:53:28.000 We burn trash.
01:53:29.000 And I was like, whoa, environment.
01:53:33.000 And they go, do you want to really live with us?
01:53:36.000 Because one week in any kind of situation like that is, it's just withdrawal, right?
01:53:42.000 I mean, internet withdrawal, phone withdrawal, just comforts of normal Western society.
01:53:50.000 And I go, fuck it.
01:53:51.000 Fuck the tent.
01:53:52.000 I'm going to live with you guys.
01:53:54.000 I'm just going to fuck, you know.
01:53:56.000 So I'm in my fucking underwear.
01:53:58.000 And I'm living on top of a rock in this cave.
01:54:00.000 And the oldest guy in the village...
01:54:03.000 Is, you know, when he starts talking, it's like, I'm in like Lion King, or he's like, when I was young and all, you know, I have a translator with me.
01:54:11.000 He's translating Hadzabe to Swahili, to English.
01:54:15.000 He's like, elephants, lions, hippos, like everywhere.
01:54:20.000 And like, it was like a buffet.
01:54:22.000 We just wake up, we could kill anything.
01:54:25.000 And in my lifetime, that has been gone.
01:54:27.000 It's gone.
01:54:28.000 It's like...
01:54:29.000 There's very few animals left to hunt, and the ones that are endangered, you can't kill them.
01:54:35.000 So life there is very, very hard.
01:54:39.000 And they go, you want to hunt with us?
01:54:41.000 And I'm like, dude, look at my body.
01:54:43.000 Do I look like...
01:54:45.000 And there was like a Catholic priest that set up a mission in that area.
01:54:50.000 And I met him.
01:54:51.000 He's been trying to convert the Hadza to Catholicism for 20 years.
01:54:56.000 And he's like, they use the Bible pages to smoke weed.
01:55:03.000 What do they hunt with?
01:55:04.000 Bow and arrow.
01:55:06.000 Homemade bow and arrow?
01:55:07.000 Homemade bow and arrow, like just...
01:55:10.000 They take this wood and they spent all day making the arrows.
01:55:14.000 Yup.
01:55:15.000 Did they show you?
01:55:16.000 Yeah.
01:55:17.000 They show you how they did all this?
01:55:18.000 I learned how to make it.
01:55:19.000 And then they used their teeth to...
01:55:22.000 I think I know that guy.
01:55:25.000 That might be Rasooli.
01:55:28.000 And then there's a plant that they harvest and they do all the stuff to it.
01:55:36.000 And then that's the poison that they put on the tip of the arrow.
01:55:39.000 And these guys...
01:55:41.000 Yup, there it is.
01:55:44.000 How crazy it is to think that this is how people hunted for the longest time.
01:55:49.000 This was state of the art.
01:55:51.000 I lived like this for fucking months, man.
01:55:53.000 So you did this as well?
01:55:55.000 Dude, so first day of the hunt, they're like...
01:55:58.000 Do they teach you how to shoot a bow first?
01:56:00.000 Dude, my bow shooting is so off.
01:56:02.000 And yeah, so we practice.
01:56:05.000 Had you shot a bow in the past?
01:56:07.000 I've never shot a bow in my life.
01:56:09.000 There's one of these guys...
01:56:12.000 See it?
01:56:12.000 It almost looks like a toy.
01:56:13.000 Like you think it wouldn't work.
01:56:15.000 There's one guy in the village, Shawnee, that's so strong.
01:56:18.000 That he could shoot the arrow through the fucking kudu.
01:56:21.000 And I was like, you're fucking a super...
01:56:24.000 Who's the back muscles in that motherfucker?
01:56:25.000 Oh my god, they're fucking ripped, dude.
01:56:27.000 My god, that guy is jacked.
01:56:28.000 They're ripped, they have six back.
01:56:29.000 So they have really, these are very strong bows.
01:56:32.000 So just pulling them back is probably tremendous, like, back muscle exercise.
01:56:37.000 Everyone knows how to hunt.
01:56:38.000 The kids know how to hunt.
01:56:39.000 What are they using for the feathers at the end of the fletchings?
01:56:41.000 I know that guy.
01:56:43.000 The one that's...
01:56:44.000 Which guy?
01:56:46.000 That guy?
01:56:46.000 Yeah, that guy.
01:56:48.000 Yep.
01:56:49.000 I stayed with that guy.
01:56:51.000 Whoa, really?
01:56:51.000 Yeah.
01:56:52.000 He's older now.
01:56:54.000 See the cuts on his face?
01:56:56.000 Yeah.
01:56:56.000 I have that.
01:56:57.000 They cut my face.
01:56:58.000 Really?
01:56:58.000 Yeah.
01:56:58.000 I asked them to because I like paint.
01:57:01.000 For real?
01:57:01.000 But look at that guy.
01:57:02.000 Where's your cut?
01:57:03.000 It's almost gone now.
01:57:04.000 This was a...
01:57:05.000 Damn, dude.
01:57:07.000 But don't they look like supermodels?
01:57:09.000 Like, they're like really...
01:57:10.000 Powerful genetics.
01:57:11.000 Yeah, I'm like just...
01:57:12.000 And also, you've got to think of the amount of effort.
01:57:15.000 They're doing CrossFit classes every day.
01:57:18.000 Right.
01:57:18.000 I mean, think about just getting by as a hunter-gatherer with the crazy bow that you have to pull back and you're running through the woods all the time.
01:57:25.000 Like, you have to be fit.
01:57:28.000 It's unbelievable.
01:57:29.000 What a crazy way to live.
01:57:31.000 Yeah, look at that.
01:57:34.000 I mean...
01:57:35.000 What are they using for the feathers?
01:57:37.000 For the fletchings?
01:57:38.000 Do you know?
01:57:39.000 Dude, these motherfuckers are so in tune with nature that they'll make a bird sound and they're talking to the bird and the bird will show you where the honey is.
01:57:49.000 What?
01:57:50.000 And then there's a pack of 50 dogs following us and the dogs aren't pets.
01:57:55.000 They're hunting tools.
01:57:56.000 Right?
01:57:57.000 So the dogs are the first line of defense.
01:57:59.000 They sniff it out.
01:58:00.000 And I'm like, this is...
01:58:04.000 This is mental, right?
01:58:05.000 It's like, oh, like, I'm on a fucking insane experience right now.
01:58:09.000 Never did I thought I would just, wait, why am I going home?
01:58:12.000 So if I walk with one of the kids, amazing, it's a clicking language.
01:58:18.000 It's like, like that kind of language.
01:58:20.000 Did you learn any of it?
01:58:22.000 Tiny bit.
01:58:23.000 And of course I did a podcast where I speak.
01:58:30.000 Imagine if they take that out of context.
01:58:32.000 It turns out you're saying some really fucked up shit.
01:58:34.000 I tried.
01:58:35.000 You gotta be careful, right?
01:58:36.000 If you're making up a language, like you might accidentally hit on some real shit there.
01:58:39.000 I tried.
01:58:40.000 I tried.
01:58:41.000 Just say one or two forbidden words.
01:58:43.000 So, if I walk with one of the kids, and it's like him giving me a tour of his house, like, oh, come to Joe's Warehouse, and he's showing me.
01:58:50.000 He's like, grabbing a snake, biting his head off.
01:58:54.000 He's like, you want something?
01:58:56.000 Climbing a tree.
01:58:57.000 He just grabbed a snake and bit its head off?
01:58:59.000 He takes out a slingshot, a pebble this big, bam, hits a fucking bush baby out of the tree, breaks his leg, breaks his legs, puts it here, and he's like, snack for later.
01:59:11.000 Everything is talking, they're...
01:59:13.000 It looks like they're just goofing off and playing, but they have some, what do you call it, microbes and gut biome kind of things in their stomach that no one else on the planet has.
01:59:25.000 So the translator's explaining to me, Canadian scientists come and literally steal their shit.
01:59:32.000 They find them and they steal their shit, and I'm like- Their actual poop.
01:59:36.000 Their actual poop.
01:59:36.000 Just to get their biome.
01:59:37.000 Because there's biomes in there that don't exist anywhere.
01:59:40.000 Secret to a healthier microbiome hidden in the Hadza diet.
01:59:47.000 If you Google steal African shit, I bet you it'll come up.
01:59:51.000 See, look, there it is.
01:59:53.000 So this, see the bees on his fucking head?
01:59:55.000 Yep, they're lighting him up and he's eating the honeycomb anyway.
01:59:58.000 And it does nothing to him.
01:59:59.000 Really?
01:59:59.000 So we go climb, yeah, come on, climb the tree.
02:00:02.000 Guy sticks his fucking hand in the tree, scoops that out, starts eating it like it's a fucking hamburger.
02:00:08.000 Bees, and I'm like, bro, I'm cool.
02:00:11.000 No, no, no, come on, come on.
02:00:12.000 Like, we've been doing, there's a kid doing this, right?
02:00:14.000 Yeah.
02:00:15.000 I go in, one sting, ah!
02:00:17.000 My fucking hand inflates to like a Mickey Mouse like it's just I'm like you've been getting stung since you were a kid so you're like immune to it and They're just doesn't bother them.
02:00:31.000 It doesn't bother them.
02:00:32.000 They're fine with it and their body has also gotten immune to it, right?
02:00:35.000 That's crazy.
02:00:36.000 They're biting that honeycomb like it's a snack and all those bees were on his head his hands and And the thing you never see in all the National Geographics and all the nature documentaries is that.
02:00:49.000 It's always serious.
02:00:50.000 And here's the Hadza warrior.
02:00:52.000 And here's, you know, whatever.
02:00:54.000 These guys crack, you know, they're like, do you want to come with us tomorrow?
02:00:58.000 Like none of your eating Clif bars and hanging back?
02:01:00.000 I'm like, yeah, I'm in.
02:01:02.000 Okay, we leave at first, you know, the second.
02:01:04.000 How are they saying this all to you?
02:01:05.000 I have the translator with me.
02:01:06.000 Oh, okay, okay.
02:01:07.000 He like works with them and the, you know, it's like worst case scenario when they don't do food.
02:01:15.000 This is the sad part.
02:01:16.000 They do the fake show for the tourists.
02:01:19.000 The tourists come in, usually European, and then they put on the fake...
02:01:22.000 It's not fake, it's real, but they dress up and do dances and stuff and they give them money.
02:01:28.000 So I wake up at 5, 5.30.
02:01:31.000 First noise.
02:01:33.000 And then laughter.
02:01:33.000 Boop!
02:01:35.000 I'm like, are these fuckers doing fart jokes at 5 in the morning?
02:01:38.000 And that's the thing that people don't realize is...
02:01:41.000 When you don't have TV, internet, entertainment, and you're just with your family and your homies all day, you're bored as fuck.
02:01:48.000 So they joke morning till night.
02:01:51.000 Like, I don't know what they're saying.
02:01:52.000 Laughter, laughter.
02:01:54.000 Someone cuts a fart, joke.
02:01:55.000 And I'm like, all right, let's go.
02:01:57.000 So you saw the pictures.
02:01:59.000 They're ripped back muscles, six packs.
02:02:02.000 The kids have six packs.
02:02:03.000 I was very out of shape.
02:02:05.000 I'm still out of shape, but I was the most out of shape.
02:02:08.000 And think about waking up at 530 in the morning and the thing that's the final animal that's like kind of left is baboons.
02:02:17.000 They almost call them in that part of Africa like the baboon men because that's what they eat.
02:02:23.000 Tastes horrible to me.
02:02:25.000 Baboons look human.
02:02:27.000 So we're in a cave.
02:02:29.000 Men sleeping on the top, women on the bottom.
02:02:33.000 We wake up, there's another cave, and you see, oh, there's people in that cave.
02:02:37.000 No, they're baboons.
02:02:38.000 And they're pointing at us.
02:02:40.000 They're pointing, they're like, look!
02:02:41.000 They're coming!
02:02:42.000 So I'm like, this shit is crazy.
02:02:44.000 We're hunting baboons.
02:02:45.000 They're like, there's tons of meat on them.
02:02:46.000 It's enough to feed our family.
02:02:48.000 Think about, like, running again.
02:02:52.000 I was pretty fast in high school.
02:02:54.000 I could do the 50 pretty quick.
02:02:56.000 I can't run at top speed for hours.
02:02:59.000 And I got these.
02:03:02.000 I'm drinking water.
02:03:03.000 And in this environment, it's an advantage to have black skin because it's cooling.
02:03:07.000 These guys aren't sweating.
02:03:09.000 I'm like, what's going on?
02:03:10.000 We've been running for five hours.
02:03:12.000 You guys aren't sweating.
02:03:13.000 What the fuck?
02:03:14.000 And they don't get tired.
02:03:15.000 And then they'll just start digging a hole and drink like a handful of brown water.
02:03:19.000 And that's enough for them.
02:03:21.000 And I'm like, dude, what the fuck?
02:03:24.000 Like, I... And they're telling the translator, this motherfucker looks like he's never caught anything in his life.
02:03:29.000 And he's like, he hasn't.
02:03:31.000 And to me, I'm an alien, right?
02:03:34.000 They go, he gets his food from supermarkets.
02:03:36.000 What's that?
02:03:38.000 They hunt the food for him?
02:03:40.000 They cut it up and package it and sell it?
02:03:42.000 Like, they don't believe it.
02:03:44.000 The shit I tell them, they're like, hey, you guys, you look like a fucking supermodel.
02:03:48.000 Can I bring you to America and do a fashion thing and get you guys paid and...
02:03:52.000 Why would we want to go to America?
02:03:54.000 Tell me what you know about America.
02:03:56.000 Isn't that the place where people jump off buildings to kill themselves?
02:04:01.000 Like that concept is so foreign that when someone explained suicide to them, I was like, oh my god, they don't...
02:04:07.000 And in the time that I'm there, Like I said, that first week is withdrawal.
02:04:13.000 I'm like, fuck, where's my phone?
02:04:15.000 And then all of it goes away, right?
02:04:18.000 I'm not thinking about any of my addictions.
02:04:20.000 I'm not thinking about, like, I feel peace.
02:04:24.000 I'm not miserable.
02:04:26.000 My depression goes away.
02:04:28.000 And I go, morning till night.
02:04:32.000 You wake up.
02:04:33.000 You hunt for food.
02:04:34.000 You get home.
02:04:36.000 Celebration.
02:04:36.000 Everyone's happy that the men brought the food back.
02:04:38.000 The women, you know, gathered the berries.
02:04:42.000 We have a big dinner celebration because every meal you got to be grateful for.
02:04:45.000 Dance party by the fire and you're out.
02:04:48.000 Couple fart jokes and you're out.
02:04:49.000 Repeat the next day.
02:04:50.000 There's no time to be like bored and sad and upset and worried about some bullshit.
02:04:57.000 And so I'm trying to keep up with these guys.
02:04:59.000 You know, they're running at top speed.
02:05:02.000 Like, say this is...
02:05:04.000 Say these are the baboons on top of the...
02:05:05.000 They're doing a perimeter.
02:05:07.000 They're doing...
02:05:07.000 Okay, we're gonna come up all the sides.
02:05:09.000 And the dogs are on the forefront, right?
02:05:12.000 They're running faster.
02:05:14.000 There's a guy named Ale Aleane.
02:05:16.000 He's got some dreads.
02:05:17.000 He's the tribe pothead.
02:05:22.000 He's got the Bible.
02:05:23.000 He's rolling joints for everyone.
02:05:25.000 He's about 50 feet behind...
02:05:28.000 You know, he's running at like a...
02:05:29.000 He's not doing this.
02:05:31.000 He's got...
02:05:31.000 He's like...
02:05:33.000 I'm maybe like two, three hundred feet behind this guy.
02:05:38.000 So they're trying to like, you know, come on.
02:05:40.000 So he's running and rolling joints.
02:05:42.000 He's running, rolling joints, and...
02:05:44.000 And had you done any running before this?
02:05:48.000 Not really, man.
02:05:49.000 I don't have endurance.
02:05:49.000 I'm a sprinter.
02:05:51.000 All of a sudden you're doing this for hours?
02:05:52.000 Oh my god.
02:05:52.000 I almost blacked out.
02:05:54.000 How many miles do you think you were running?
02:05:55.000 Dude, because they're like going back and forth.
02:05:59.000 I'm like, dude, I'm just going to chill here.
02:06:01.000 They just run everywhere.
02:06:02.000 Run everywhere.
02:06:03.000 Just running.
02:06:05.000 Some of them have shoes.
02:06:06.000 They make homemade shoes, but some of them don't.
02:06:09.000 It's just barefoot.
02:06:11.000 It's the dry bush, right?
02:06:14.000 So there's plants that have thorns and...
02:06:17.000 It looks like this on them, just like that white scratch.
02:06:20.000 To me, I'm getting cut open.
02:06:21.000 I'm like bleeding everywhere.
02:06:23.000 Ah!
02:06:23.000 Ah!
02:06:24.000 Their skin's tough.
02:06:25.000 And they're just fucking clowning me.
02:06:27.000 They're just accustomed to it.
02:06:27.000 They're clowning me.
02:06:28.000 They're like, bro, how did you ever survive?
02:06:31.000 And I'm like, come on.
02:06:33.000 Come on, guys.
02:06:35.000 I put a GoPro on the dog.
02:06:37.000 So I go back and I watch it.
02:06:40.000 The baboon is like a human.
02:06:42.000 Like it's talking.
02:06:43.000 Get the fuck away from me!
02:06:44.000 The fuck away!
02:06:45.000 The baboon's running, the dog...
02:06:47.000 He's like, fuck you!
02:06:49.000 They hunt him with dogs?
02:06:51.000 He gets hit right here.
02:06:52.000 He's bleeding.
02:06:53.000 So he's leaving a trail of blood.
02:06:55.000 Fucking hypes up the tribe.
02:06:56.000 Let's go!
02:06:56.000 We got him!
02:06:57.000 He's hit!
02:06:58.000 The dog gets his nutsack, rips his fucking dick off.
02:07:01.000 I'm running.
02:07:02.000 The guy holds up his nuts.
02:07:03.000 He's like, look, we got the nuts.
02:07:05.000 And I'm like, why are you showing me that?
02:07:06.000 He's like, we're getting close.
02:07:09.000 They finally fucking hit the guy sort of here.
02:07:13.000 You're saying the guy, too.
02:07:15.000 You're not just saying the baboon.
02:07:18.000 You're saying it hit the guy.
02:07:19.000 It looks human, man.
02:07:20.000 God, it does, right?
02:07:21.000 It looks real close.
02:07:23.000 He backs into a tree.
02:07:24.000 Like a dog human, though.
02:07:25.000 Yeah.
02:07:26.000 And all the dogs.
02:07:27.000 The dogs are dope.
02:07:28.000 I love these dogs so much.
02:07:30.000 They're all hunting dogs, so they all have scars and fucking tails missing.
02:07:35.000 Because the baboons have fangs.
02:07:37.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
02:07:38.000 They pick the dogs up and they rip a chunk off.
02:07:39.000 Oh my god.
02:07:40.000 And these dogs are so hardcore that there's a dog that had one leg missing, there's a dog that you could see his ribs, and they're still down to hunt.
02:07:47.000 Oh my god.
02:07:47.000 Like, they're in the back with me, but they're still like, I want to show value.
02:07:52.000 Because I interviewed each person in the tribe, and I said, what is the happiest day of your life?
02:07:58.000 And they all had the same answer.
02:07:59.000 The day that I hunted the biggest animal, and I got to feed everyone, and I was the hero.
02:08:05.000 And these are all baboons?
02:08:07.000 For how long?
02:08:07.000 How long have they been only hunting baboons?
02:08:09.000 I mean, it's been for a few years now.
02:08:11.000 I mean, they'll hunt anything.
02:08:13.000 They'll kill anything.
02:08:14.000 But there's nothing left but baboons just recently?
02:08:17.000 It's getting to just that and even then.
02:08:20.000 Because this day, that day that I was on my first hunt, because there was many days we hunted where we didn't catch anything.
02:08:25.000 And that's like super downer for them.
02:08:29.000 But this is my first hunt.
02:08:30.000 I had the GoPro.
02:08:31.000 The guy shot.
02:08:33.000 He backs into a tree, like his last stand.
02:08:36.000 And the dogs just start ripping his guts out and start fucking...
02:08:41.000 And I'm watching this and he's like, and it's like he's going, fuck you!
02:08:45.000 Fuck you!
02:08:45.000 And he's just like, he's like picking dogs up, throwing them.
02:08:49.000 Oh my god.
02:08:50.000 And then they just come up and they go right in his chest.
02:08:53.000 He's dead.
02:08:54.000 This is all on GoPro.
02:08:55.000 I wasn't even close.
02:08:56.000 I was like, I was like, wait up guys.
02:09:00.000 Fuck.
02:09:01.000 They tie the foot and the leg and they make a backpack.
02:09:05.000 That's how they carry it.
02:09:06.000 So they caught four that day.
02:09:08.000 So they bring it back to the village.
02:09:10.000 I don't know if you saw in that picture, I brought my top ramen with me.
02:09:13.000 So I was like, they don't waste a part of this thing.
02:09:16.000 The person that killed it gets to eat the dick and the balls.
02:09:19.000 They eat the head.
02:09:20.000 They eat the brains.
02:09:21.000 They turn the fur into like jackets.
02:09:24.000 And they just, they eat the brains.
02:09:27.000 Dude, so at night, I thought dinner time was over.
02:09:32.000 But think about it, how much protein and nutrition is in the brain, right?
02:09:35.000 And it's the final thing, right?
02:09:37.000 They stew the head that's in that pot, and so the brain gets cooked, and then it's like a delicacy at the end.
02:09:44.000 They, like, tap a hole in, and it's, you know, they have black skin.
02:09:48.000 Like, I remember, like, it was fire, it was in the cave, it's nighttime.
02:09:53.000 And I hear...
02:09:54.000 I just hear eating, and I turn my flashlight on, and I see the whole tribe just chowing the brains at the end.
02:10:02.000 They're like, this is our favorite part.
02:10:04.000 Save it for the end?
02:10:05.000 Yeah, and they're just like...
02:10:07.000 So it's all those white brains streaked on their face, and I'm like, yo, you want to get in on this?
02:10:13.000 Give me some of that brain.
02:10:14.000 So I had some brain, and...
02:10:16.000 I ate everything.
02:10:16.000 Did you really?
02:10:17.000 I mean, it's...
02:10:19.000 There it is.
02:10:19.000 Oh my god.
02:10:20.000 Doesn't that look like a person?
02:10:21.000 That's so intense.
02:10:22.000 So once the fur is...
02:10:24.000 I'm not putting that on the screen in just a second.
02:10:25.000 No.
02:10:25.000 Yeah.
02:10:26.000 Good.
02:10:26.000 Thank you.
02:10:26.000 Once the fur...
02:10:29.000 Look.
02:10:29.000 That's so intense.
02:10:30.000 This is fucking...
02:10:31.000 Should you put it on the screen or no?
02:10:32.000 Nah, I don't...
02:10:33.000 Yeah, I don't know.
02:10:33.000 Look, I... You have some trouble?
02:10:35.000 This...
02:10:37.000 Well, let me just say this.
02:10:39.000 That's how hardcore this picture is, right?
02:10:40.000 You can find it.
02:10:41.000 You can find it easily.
02:10:43.000 This is life or death.
02:10:46.000 I get it.
02:10:47.000 I understand.
02:10:49.000 But I'm saying it is intense.
02:10:51.000 And there is a thing about primate brains.
02:10:55.000 Prions.
02:10:55.000 Prion diseases.
02:10:57.000 They find them in cannibals.
02:11:00.000 There's something about eating a human.
02:11:02.000 I'm smoking weed.
02:11:03.000 Humans eating human brains.
02:11:05.000 Oh, so they did get a bird there.
02:11:07.000 Yeah.
02:11:07.000 So sometimes they get birds too.
02:11:09.000 So I am...
02:11:10.000 But they're eating mostly baboons.
02:11:12.000 I tasted it.
02:11:13.000 I wasn't eating it.
02:11:14.000 I'm like, I have a million Clif bars in my backpack.
02:11:17.000 That is so intense.
02:11:19.000 There's the dogs.
02:11:20.000 Seeing that guy carry a baboon on his back like the way you're describing is so intense.
02:11:26.000 They got some sort of an antelope or something there, and then they're drinking out of that water.
02:11:31.000 Smoking weed with the Bible.
02:11:32.000 Dude, look at this fucking guy!
02:11:36.000 So I pass out.
02:11:38.000 There's nothing left in the gas tank.
02:11:39.000 I pass out, and the next day I'm like, okay, I'm becoming a man.
02:11:44.000 Did you eat the actual baboon meat as well?
02:11:47.000 I ate the baboon meat.
02:11:48.000 It's not for me.
02:11:49.000 And I eat everything.
02:11:51.000 What it tastes like.
02:11:54.000 I've never eaten a human, but I'm imagining that's what a human would taste like.
02:11:57.000 It was just, I don't know, gamey?
02:12:01.000 It was strong.
02:12:05.000 Well, you've got to think of the physical strength of those animals and how tough their meat must be.
02:12:10.000 And all the testosterone and everything is being released.
02:12:13.000 It didn't taste good, but they loved it.
02:12:16.000 They're happy.
02:12:18.000 You know Steve Rinella?
02:12:19.000 No.
02:12:20.000 Steve Rinella is the host of the TV show Meat Eater and he went to...
02:12:25.000 I'm trying to remember where it was.
02:12:27.000 Somewhere in South America.
02:12:28.000 And they ate monkeys there.
02:12:30.000 And he had some of it.
02:12:31.000 And he said it was like they smoke it.
02:12:33.000 And then they cook it in like a stew.
02:12:35.000 And it's like smoked turkey.
02:12:36.000 They did that to the head.
02:12:40.000 Yeah, there he is.
02:12:42.000 So they're eating this monkey.
02:12:45.000 They're chewing on it.
02:12:47.000 That's intense, man.
02:12:49.000 Bolivia.
02:12:50.000 That is fucking intense.
02:12:51.000 Like seeing someone chewing on a monkey leg is intense.
02:12:55.000 Yeah.
02:12:55.000 You know?
02:12:56.000 There's just something about it where it's like...
02:12:58.000 That's our cousins.
02:13:00.000 That's next level.
02:13:02.000 I mean, there's something about it.
02:13:03.000 It's like, oof.
02:13:04.000 This is life or death.
02:13:06.000 It's crazy how much we, but we think that way about mammals in general.
02:13:11.000 Because if you get to deer, like people are way sadder when they see a dead deer than if they see a dead fish.
02:13:17.000 There's something about like mammals.
02:13:19.000 Right, right.
02:13:19.000 Like we don't give a fuck about a dead turtle.
02:13:22.000 When they throw that thing on the fire and you see all the fur burn off and he's like in the Christ pose, it looks like human.
02:13:30.000 So the next day I'm like, alright, I'm getting my endurance up and they're like, we think you're more of a gatherer.
02:13:37.000 Why don't you hang back today?
02:13:38.000 Because they were like humoring me.
02:13:40.000 And I was like, okay, okay.
02:13:41.000 And I brought all my art supplies with me.
02:13:43.000 And the kids are like, they use the beeswax and they make little sculptures and they take little, you know.
02:13:49.000 I'm like, these kids are awesome.
02:13:50.000 So I fell in love with the kids.
02:13:52.000 I'm like, I'll adopt all of you.
02:13:54.000 And they're like, we have...
02:13:55.000 Parents.
02:13:57.000 I was like, alright.
02:13:59.000 So I brought all these art supplies with me.
02:14:01.000 I got markers.
02:14:02.000 I got watercolor.
02:14:04.000 And, you know, we're in the desert and it's all brown.
02:14:06.000 I mean, not the desert.
02:14:07.000 We're in the bush.
02:14:08.000 Everything's brown.
02:14:09.000 And so I got all these bright blues and reds and the kids went nuts.
02:14:14.000 Like...
02:14:15.000 When you give kids art supplies like and I'm just watching them like this is fucking amazing and the day just went by I just gave art lessons and like Just someone who's never seen art supplies that must be fucking insane and I'm yeah And I'm asking them like what you know and they're drawing like the hunt they're drawing because they've never seen TV They've never they don't have any of the visual like stuff that we grew up on so everything is pure from that perspective and in my head I'm like I cannot wait to get home and show this to people.
02:14:44.000 And maybe we can do prints and books and sell it and help you guys.
02:14:47.000 And they go, okay.
02:14:48.000 They show, you know, everyone comes back from the hunt.
02:14:50.000 They show and they go, we're on top of this, this cliff, the cave.
02:14:52.000 And they just throw it.
02:14:53.000 Hey, what the fuck you guys doing, man?
02:14:55.000 I was gonna, you know, in my head, it's like, come home, frame it.
02:14:59.000 You know, there's a memory of my time there.
02:15:02.000 They're like, oh, nomadic.
02:15:04.000 You don't guys...
02:15:06.000 We were present.
02:15:07.000 We created it.
02:15:08.000 We lived it.
02:15:09.000 We enjoyed it.
02:15:09.000 Bye-bye.
02:15:10.000 Like, what am I going to walk around with a fucking canvas and paper?
02:15:14.000 And I was like, damn, dude, this shit is...
02:15:17.000 These people are next level.
02:15:18.000 And so...
02:15:19.000 It's a different world.
02:15:21.000 Well, that's why I'm saying, like, I was like, man, now I got this experience.
02:15:26.000 I feel good.
02:15:26.000 I'm going to go home.
02:15:27.000 And I'm like...
02:15:28.000 Why am I going to go home?
02:15:29.000 I'm fucking falling in love with these people.
02:15:31.000 They're showing me how fucked up I am.
02:15:34.000 And so I just stayed there.
02:15:36.000 I just stayed there.
02:15:37.000 For how long?
02:15:38.000 I stayed there for a few months.
02:15:39.000 I bought a huge piece of land.
02:15:40.000 I work with, if anyone that's listening right now is interested, it's Hadza, H-A-D-Z-A dot org.
02:15:47.000 And you can, if you want to sponsor a kid or you want to see how they live.
02:15:53.000 Because this is it.
02:15:55.000 This is the end for them.
02:15:56.000 It might already be the end.
02:15:58.000 I don't know if anyone listening has Tanzania contacts.
02:16:01.000 This way of life is pretty much over.
02:16:04.000 There's less than a thousand Hadza left.
02:16:07.000 Yeah.
02:16:08.000 These are the guys I stayed with.
02:16:10.000 They're fucking amazing.
02:16:16.000 Dude, will you come?
02:16:17.000 Yes.
02:16:18.000 Go to Africa?
02:16:19.000 Is that what you're saying?
02:16:20.000 Yeah.
02:16:20.000 I thought you meant come to like the movie premiere.
02:16:23.000 No, no, dude.
02:16:24.000 Dude.
02:16:25.000 Please, please.
02:16:27.000 Your daughters, your wife will fucking love it.
02:16:30.000 Like you don't.
02:16:31.000 And here's the thing.
02:16:32.000 We could set it up where you don't have to.
02:16:34.000 Like I gave you like the fucking hardcore.
02:16:35.000 The malaria tour.
02:16:37.000 You take malaria pills.
02:16:39.000 You're not going to get malaria.
02:16:40.000 You can't do that for kids, though.
02:16:42.000 Malaria medication is not so good for them.
02:16:44.000 I met a Spanish-German couple there that has a nice bed and breakfast kind of thing.
02:16:50.000 Not in that area, but a little bit away.
02:16:54.000 And the guy raises his kid like at nice private schools in Germany and then on the summer times he comes and the kids in their underwear run around and they hunt with the tribe.
02:17:03.000 Jesus!
02:17:04.000 And I'm like, this is life changing.
02:17:06.000 Your fucking kids will- Look at these kids.
02:17:08.000 Yeah.
02:17:09.000 Look at how- look at- they're all smiling.
02:17:11.000 Having like the fucking time of their life.
02:17:15.000 Look at the dogs.
02:17:17.000 Look at the dogs.
02:17:20.000 Hadza.org.
02:17:21.000 How many baboons do you think you ate while you were there?
02:17:25.000 I'm being honest with you.
02:17:26.000 I just taste it a little bit and then I go in my little cubby hole and eat my Clif Bars.
02:17:32.000 So you only ate their meals.
02:17:34.000 Look at that.
02:17:35.000 I painted the...
02:17:36.000 Oh my god.
02:17:37.000 Seeing them biting a chunk off the baboon's head.
02:17:40.000 Oh Jesus, dude.
02:17:44.000 Yikes.
02:17:44.000 It's crazy to think that the cure to future medicines and shit might be in these guys' shit.
02:17:51.000 Isn't that crazy?
02:17:53.000 Dude, it's fucking insane.
02:17:55.000 We met those scientists that are collecting that data out there.
02:17:59.000 Fuck, I can't remember her name.
02:18:01.000 Well, obviously neither one of us is a biologist, but if you think about it, if you're living in a completely natural way in the middle of I mean, what a crazy biosphere.
02:18:15.000 There's so much life there.
02:18:17.000 There's so much life there.
02:18:20.000 You've got to imagine there's so much bacteria life too, right?
02:18:22.000 And if you survived to 2020, like your ancestors got you to 2020 living like that, you have to be robust.
02:18:30.000 So all those people that do live there, they're probably just a superior version.
02:18:35.000 Any one of those guys could have been a supermodel.
02:18:37.000 Because when they take their shirt off, they're fucking ripped.
02:18:40.000 And the guy, Shawnee, that I said, when he hits a kudu with the arrow, it goes all the way through.
02:18:47.000 And I'm like, the other guys in the tribe, when they hit it, it hits the animal.
02:18:52.000 Look at those guys in the center.
02:18:54.000 That's insane.
02:18:55.000 They're fucking shredded.
02:18:56.000 They look like jiu-jitsu champs.
02:18:57.000 Dude, they're fucking amazing.
02:18:58.000 They do.
02:19:00.000 Those guys, well, you gotta think, man.
02:19:02.000 I mean, the amount of physical activity and exercise, they're probably, their endurance is like never waning.
02:19:08.000 They're constantly doing it.
02:19:09.000 And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking with my western brain, dude, if I take you back, you guys are gonna be the toast of the town fashion models.
02:19:16.000 If someone trains your both thing, like you could be in the Olympics or maybe you could be a fucking baseball player or Well, how about runners from there?
02:19:25.000 There's one part of Africa in particular that's responsible for a tremendous amount of long-distance runners, and they had a Radiolab podcast about it, and they said that it was because of their ability to endure pain that they had a ritual, a coming-of-age ritual,
02:19:42.000 where they would circumcise the men with a dull knife and have them crawl naked through thorns.
02:19:50.000 They did some hardcore shit to these guys when they were young to get them to just be able to endure pain in a way that most people are just incapable of.
02:20:00.000 They've developed a tolerance to pain because some of their rituals...
02:20:03.000 The episode's called Cut and Run.
02:20:05.000 It's really crazy because this guy talks about it, but he also says...
02:20:09.000 Because he had gone through it himself, and he also said he doesn't want to do it to his son.
02:20:14.000 He wouldn't want his son to do that.
02:20:15.000 It's like you don't have to do it.
02:20:16.000 It's too hard.
02:20:17.000 But that...
02:20:18.000 It makes sense, man.
02:20:20.000 It does make sense.
02:20:20.000 It does make total sense.
02:20:21.000 Just because I think...
02:20:22.000 Look, I'm not a long-distance runner, but those people that are, they say it's all about your mind.
02:20:26.000 It's all about being able to endure the pain.
02:20:28.000 And some people can and some people can't.
02:20:30.000 And if you're a person who's grown up dealing with pain, it's a part of your culture.
02:20:34.000 You've got to be hard as fuck to make it in the Congo.
02:20:38.000 Hard as fuck to make it in Tanzania.
02:20:40.000 You've got to be hard as fuck.
02:20:41.000 Those people...
02:20:42.000 You've got to think of all of those different...
02:20:46.000 Obstacles their ancestors have overcome to get them to 2020 living a nomadic life in the jungle.
02:20:54.000 Holy shit, man.
02:20:55.000 I mean, you can't be lazy.
02:20:57.000 You can't be slow.
02:20:58.000 You can't be stupid.
02:20:59.000 You have to be able, and you're taught to be able to maneuver in that world from the time you're a baby.
02:21:05.000 Joe, you can't just read about it.
02:21:07.000 You've got to live it.
02:21:09.000 Is the fear that you might get malaria or something?
02:21:12.000 No, I'm really high.
02:21:13.000 I took a bunch of hits of that blunt during this podcast.
02:21:16.000 You too, Jamie, you fucker.
02:21:17.000 You're coming too.
02:21:18.000 Jamie's not leaving his apartment.
02:21:19.000 You're crazy.
02:21:21.000 I'll make it so it's the best for your family.
02:21:25.000 We'll talk about it after the show.
02:21:28.000 I love it when people bug me about things I say no to.
02:21:31.000 Please keep going.
02:21:33.000 You like bow hunting, man.
02:21:35.000 I'm not going over there.
02:21:36.000 If I did that, I would only go over there.
02:21:39.000 Just observe.
02:21:40.000 Come to observe.
02:21:41.000 If I went to hunt over there, I would do it because that's what I wanted to live off of.
02:21:44.000 I wanted to eat it.
02:21:46.000 I don't think you can bring it back.
02:21:48.000 You can't donate it to tribes.
02:21:51.000 Trust me, we would eat it.
02:21:52.000 It would get eaten.
02:21:53.000 Everything there gets eaten.
02:21:54.000 Yeah, I talked to a dude once who shot an elephant over there.
02:21:57.000 I was like, whoa, like, why?
02:21:59.000 And then he said, well, first of all, the reason why they do it in the first place is because some of these elephants will make their way into towns and start eating in the village and eating all their crops.
02:22:08.000 So they want someone to come and shoot it.
02:22:10.000 And I'm like, oh, man.
02:22:12.000 That's a crazy argument.
02:22:14.000 There's certain animals that I feel way worse when they die.
02:22:18.000 And elephants, there's something about elephants.
02:22:20.000 Elephants are cute.
02:22:21.000 They're not just cute, man.
02:22:23.000 They're dinosaurs.
02:22:24.000 There's something majestic about them.
02:22:26.000 Yeah, they're fucking amazing.
02:22:27.000 They can crush you, and they're genuinely pretty cool.
02:22:30.000 They're so cool, strangers, like regular tourists, are allowed to climb on them in Thailand and ride them through the jungle.
02:22:37.000 You ever meet Michael Jackson?
02:22:40.000 The singer?
02:22:41.000 Yeah.
02:22:41.000 No.
02:22:42.000 So I got to meet him close to before he died and I got to go to Neverland Ranch.
02:22:47.000 Whoa.
02:22:49.000 The mismanagement of the animals there is like the – they were already gone by the time I got there, but where he used to keep the elephants, the bars are like this thick.
02:22:59.000 And the elephants were so like depressed and just from – like they didn't have an actual zookeeper that knew how to handle them, so they would just keep them locked up and like not – The elephants would fucking headbang the bars.
02:23:13.000 These bars are like this thick and they'd be bent like this.
02:23:16.000 I'm like, man, these fucking things are dinosaurs.
02:23:16.000 Oh my god.
02:23:20.000 They're also intelligent.
02:23:22.000 Yeah, they're really smart.
02:23:24.000 They're smart.
02:23:25.000 They're smart.
02:23:26.000 They feel things.
02:23:26.000 They have feelings.
02:23:27.000 Have you ever seen that they taught them to paint?
02:23:30.000 Yeah, I've seen that.
02:23:31.000 That's awesome.
02:23:32.000 How crazy is that?
02:23:33.000 I mean, that thing is painting itself.
02:23:35.000 I love that.
02:23:36.000 Here's my question.
02:23:37.000 Do you think they taught it?
02:23:38.000 We actually talked about this, Jamie, didn't we?
02:23:40.000 Like, do you think they actually taught him to make that shape, or do you think they taught him to paint himself, right?
02:23:48.000 Like, if you could show an elephant, like, this is the shape I want you to make, and it's the shape of an elephant, if you drew it for him, and you said, recreate that, I'll give you fruit.
02:23:57.000 He recreates that, you give him fruit.
02:23:59.000 Right.
02:23:59.000 That's a little different than if he looks at you and starts drawing an image of you.
02:24:05.000 Because we were led to believe that the elephant was thinking of itself and drawing what an elephant looks like.
02:24:10.000 Right.
02:24:11.000 It's just a slightly less impressive thing that it might just be emotion that it's taught to make.
02:24:15.000 But the way you look at it, you go, no, it's too good.
02:24:19.000 It's too good.
02:24:20.000 The elephant has a little talent.
02:24:22.000 I would buy an elephant painting.
02:24:26.000 You should.
02:24:27.000 Just to know that an elephant did it, but I don't want the elephants to have to be forced to work for paintings.
02:24:31.000 Right, right, right.
02:24:32.000 You want the elephant to want to paint it.
02:24:34.000 I'm glad the elephant knows how to paint.
02:24:36.000 We'll just leave these paints here, and if you want to do it...
02:24:38.000 Yes, exactly.
02:24:39.000 Like, if the elephant was living a chill life...
02:24:43.000 I went to an elephant rescue place in Thailand a couple years back.
02:24:46.000 And they rescued these elephants and released them back into the wild successfully.
02:24:52.000 They've done it with several.
02:24:53.000 I think they said seven at the time that I was there.
02:24:56.000 But they basically take elephants from like a circus or a zoo and they rehabilitate them.
02:25:02.000 And they have them out here.
02:25:04.000 There's like piles of sugarcane.
02:25:06.000 You can feed them sugarcane.
02:25:08.000 And this thing is like...
02:25:10.000 It's heads this big.
02:25:10.000 This big.
02:25:11.000 Wow.
02:25:12.000 And I'm petting it, and I'm just feeding it sugarcane.
02:25:14.000 But they're so gentle.
02:25:15.000 Right.
02:25:16.000 They'll let strangers like me, I just met them.
02:25:18.000 But if you wanted to, you're a beer can, man.
02:25:18.000 Right.
02:25:23.000 You just get smushed.
02:25:24.000 Stomp you fucking.
02:25:25.000 Yeah.
02:25:26.000 He'd do whatever he wants to.
02:25:26.000 Piledrive you?
02:25:28.000 He's so big.
02:25:29.000 And then when you feed him, and you wash him, and you hang out with him, and then they'll let you ride him.
02:25:35.000 That's amazing.
02:25:36.000 You develop like a little bond with them.
02:25:39.000 It's interesting, man, because like you're hanging out with this elephant, and you're feeding him, and he goes to you to try to eat, and then you're petting him, and then you could wash him, and he's enjoying it.
02:25:49.000 He's enjoying that you're doing this, and then Then, after all that, then you ride them.
02:25:54.000 I don't like the riding part.
02:25:56.000 If I had to do it all over again, I'd be like, I'm good.
02:25:58.000 I'll meet you guys at the end.
02:25:59.000 I don't want to ride them.
02:26:02.000 But I get that it's fascinating.
02:26:04.000 And they don't give a fuck.
02:26:06.000 Like, you weigh nothing.
02:26:07.000 You're a baseball hat to them.
02:26:09.000 What's the prehistoric...
02:26:10.000 What's the Mastodon?
02:26:12.000 Is that the Snuffleupagus guy from...
02:26:15.000 Oh, well, it's Woolly Mammoth and Mastodon.
02:26:18.000 There's two different ones.
02:26:20.000 Yeah, so when you're in the presence of something so majestic, you're like, you can believe that there's a dinosaur.
02:26:27.000 Oh, 100%.
02:26:28.000 Well, it would be a dinosaur if it didn't exist.
02:26:31.000 Like if an elephant didn't exist and someone talked about it.
02:26:33.000 Giant, giant white teeth that come up into the sky.
02:26:37.000 It's enormous.
02:26:38.000 It's as big as a house.
02:26:40.000 I love the babies.
02:26:40.000 What?
02:26:41.000 It's as big as a house.
02:26:42.000 They're so cute.
02:26:43.000 Yeah, people who, if you didn't know what an elephant was, and someone was describing, if it didn't exist, and someone was describing it to you, and they said it was off in the jungle somewhere, you'd be like, what?
02:26:53.000 What is it?
02:26:54.000 A leftover dinosaur!
02:26:59.000 You know, we were trying to figure out the other day and we forgot to check.
02:27:01.000 How old are crocodiles?
02:27:03.000 We were saying that crocodiles are dinosaurs, but the dinosaurs supposedly were killed off 65 million years ago, right?
02:27:10.000 Are crocodiles something that actually survived before them?
02:27:15.000 How old does it say they are?
02:27:16.000 200 million years old.
02:27:17.000 Holy shit!
02:27:20.000 Those dirty motherfuckers made it through the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs.
02:27:25.000 Those are dinosaurs.
02:27:27.000 They are dinosaurs.
02:27:28.000 Prehistoric.
02:27:28.000 Yeah, if it's 200 million years ago, of course they're dinosaurs.
02:27:34.000 Of course they are, right?
02:27:35.000 Jamie, are there crocodiles that paint?
02:27:39.000 I was looking up, so there's one elephant that, you know, the viral video of it, it's painting in really good detail.
02:27:46.000 Yeah, right?
02:27:48.000 But there's a website that has lots of elephants.
02:27:51.000 It's like the conservationelephantart.com.
02:27:54.000 These paintings are way different.
02:27:56.000 It's like the Picasso of elephants.
02:27:57.000 Is there some cheating going on?
02:27:59.000 That's what I'm saying, right?
02:28:01.000 I was saying maybe he's the Michael Jordan of elephant painters.
02:28:04.000 But there was one or two I was digging through here that was painting flowers with stems and petals and leaves.
02:28:10.000 The rest of this is just like...
02:28:12.000 You should see the video.
02:28:13.000 Play Dave the video because the video is interesting.
02:28:16.000 Sue to the painting elephant.
02:28:18.000 Oh look, he's carrying his supplies.
02:28:19.000 The elephant sets up and look, it does the whole outline itself.
02:28:22.000 No one's guiding it.
02:28:23.000 Great composition.
02:28:24.000 It's not fucking bad.
02:28:26.000 No, it's...
02:28:27.000 Yeah, it gets lots of...
02:28:28.000 Look at that.
02:28:29.000 Good stuff.
02:28:30.000 You're not seeing...
02:28:32.000 You're just seeing the trunk.
02:28:33.000 Is there someone behind it with a stick taped to it, like sort of moving it?
02:28:37.000 I don't think so.
02:28:38.000 I think back here it does show you.
02:28:39.000 Oh, okay.
02:28:40.000 All right, it's zoomed out.
02:28:41.000 Yeah, I don't think so.
02:28:43.000 It's got skills, man.
02:28:44.000 It's got control.
02:28:45.000 Look, it knows how to outline the ear.
02:28:47.000 That makes me feel like it's almost been classically trained, though.
02:28:51.000 Like, look how thick the line is of the ear, and then it sort of tapers off.
02:28:57.000 Speaking of painting, are you painting at all?
02:28:59.000 No.
02:29:00.000 Why don't you paint, man?
02:29:01.000 I never paint.
02:29:02.000 I used to draw a lot.
02:29:04.000 Yeah, but I've never really gotten into painting.
02:29:04.000 I know that.
02:29:06.000 Not that I don't think it's awesome.
02:29:08.000 Look, I come to your place, you have these fucking paintings everywhere.
02:29:12.000 I've seen your tattoos that you like to draw.
02:29:15.000 You like to draw werewolves.
02:29:17.000 You talk all day.
02:29:19.000 Don't you want to do something where you don't have to talk and it's still expressing yourself and you like art?
02:29:24.000 I do sometimes.
02:29:25.000 I still scribble.
02:29:26.000 I draw things sometimes.
02:29:27.000 But mostly my days are busy.
02:29:31.000 This is like the best way to like...
02:29:34.000 I like archery for calming down.
02:29:36.000 Okay.
02:29:37.000 Because that just makes me just focus on a target.
02:29:40.000 It's a very zen thing to do.
02:29:42.000 I'm going to send some art supplies to Texas.
02:29:44.000 You just leave them there.
02:29:45.000 Okay, dude.
02:29:46.000 I'm not going to force you to do it.
02:29:46.000 It's like the elephant.
02:29:48.000 Okay.
02:29:48.000 They're just there, and if you want to, then you do it.
02:29:51.000 Okay.
02:29:53.000 I do love drawing, still, to this day.
02:29:55.000 But I really never got into painting.
02:29:56.000 I've been drawing a lot lately.
02:29:57.000 But I recognize my limitations because whatever particular mental health problems that I have, I get obsessed with things.
02:30:04.000 And I don't have the time to get obsessed with painting.
02:30:08.000 Oh, I see.
02:30:09.000 So if I draw, like I've been drawing since I was a kid, it's not like a new thing.
02:30:14.000 New things are dangerous to me.
02:30:17.000 You sound like me now.
02:30:18.000 It's true.
02:30:19.000 Well, that's why I... I walked away from podcasting.
02:30:24.000 I just...
02:30:25.000 I go, I know what this means to me.
02:30:27.000 I know what kind of person I am.
02:30:29.000 Like, I'm all in.
02:30:31.000 Like, I'll never paint again.
02:30:32.000 Like, this is going to take over my life.
02:30:34.000 And then I remember...
02:30:37.000 I went on the Stern show, same thing, like five, six years ago, and I was, like, I don't even know what I said.
02:30:42.000 I was completely, like, out of my mind.
02:30:45.000 And Scott Rudin's assistant heard it, the Hollywood producer guy, and he heard the show, sent a tape to Scott Rudin.
02:30:52.000 I get a call from Scott Rudin.
02:30:53.000 He's like, I need to turn your life into a television show.
02:30:57.000 I was like, it's too, like, it's unbelievable.
02:31:00.000 Like, I've never heard that, like...
02:31:03.000 You're in the Congo, you're in jail, you're this.
02:31:06.000 We gotta turn this into a show.
02:31:08.000 So I'm...
02:31:11.000 38?
02:31:12.000 I don't know.
02:31:13.000 Something like that.
02:31:14.000 I'm like, fuck.
02:31:15.000 I made it.
02:31:15.000 I'm gonna be famous.
02:31:16.000 I'm gonna be on TV. And I was like, man, I got a fucking podcast that's gonna be huge.
02:31:22.000 I'm gonna be on TV. I'm doing the fucking News for Vice.
02:31:26.000 We just got an Emmy.
02:31:27.000 I'm a painter.
02:31:28.000 I got every fucking thing I do turns to gold.
02:31:31.000 I'm the best.
02:31:32.000 Like, I'm multitasking.
02:31:34.000 I can do it all.
02:31:36.000 And at the time is when I got introduced to Bourdain.
02:31:40.000 And Scott had this deal with HBO. He's like, what kind of show you want?
02:31:46.000 I'm like, I love Curb Your Enthusiasm.
02:31:47.000 I like Eastbound and Down.
02:31:48.000 I like stupid, irreverent comedy.
02:31:50.000 I'm like, make me look like shit.
02:31:52.000 Make me the heel, just fucking clown on me.
02:31:55.000 Make every episode, just whatever story I tell you, do the worst, worst fucking version of it.
02:32:00.000 And they're like, okay, I get the Hollywood lawyers and the fucking thing.
02:32:03.000 And I'm like, mom, I'm going to be on TV. And I'm having lunch at Chateau Marmont.
02:32:08.000 I just met Bourdain.
02:32:10.000 And Chateau Marmont's like the hipster Hollywood thing where even celebrities get left alone.
02:32:16.000 Not Bourdain.
02:32:17.000 In one lunch, and you must get this all the time now.
02:32:22.000 Sorry, I see you guys are having lunch.
02:32:24.000 I just gotta tell you what you mean to me.
02:32:26.000 And he's gracious every time.
02:32:28.000 Thank you, thank you.
02:32:29.000 Can I get a picture?
02:32:30.000 Can you sign my book?
02:32:31.000 Oh, can I get another picture for, you know...
02:32:34.000 Lunch is interrupted.
02:32:35.000 20, 30, 40, I don't know.
02:32:37.000 Every five minutes someone's coming to the table.
02:32:39.000 I know.
02:32:41.000 And I go, is this, how do you get milk?
02:32:45.000 How do you, he's like, everything just takes longer, Dave.
02:32:48.000 Just takes longer now.
02:32:50.000 And I'm like, wait, let me do a quick scan of my life right now.
02:32:54.000 I got lots of women.
02:32:56.000 I can eat at any restaurant.
02:32:58.000 And I have no wants or desires.
02:33:00.000 Everything's handled.
02:33:02.000 And I have just the amount of little bit of fame for my art where no one's bothering me when I walk down the street once in a while.
02:33:09.000 I'm at a supermarket and someone's like, TV, DSA, and that's it.
02:33:13.000 I have it.
02:33:14.000 Why am I... So I walked away from that deal.
02:33:18.000 And at the same time, I've been flirting with it.
02:33:22.000 Bourdain, he wasn't going to do it forever.
02:33:24.000 And he started grooming me, Roy Choi, David Chang to kind of take over for him.
02:33:29.000 He's like, it wasn't like a huge step for me because I've already been doing that and I think that's how we connected.
02:33:35.000 He's like...
02:33:37.000 You know, I have Thumbs Up, which is a travel show where I fuck with people and I go meet people all over the planet.
02:33:42.000 You have millions of people watch your show, 10 people watch your show, but you can do it with like an art twist, you know?
02:33:50.000 And I sat there and I was like, fuck, bro, I don't know if I want your life.
02:33:54.000 I don't know if I want this.
02:33:55.000 I had that moment of clarity and all the chaos of I need another thing in my life to show people that the gambling wasn't a fluke, the art wasn't a fluke, that I'm not just lucky, that I'm talented, that I am enough.
02:34:09.000 The anger is like, oh, I'm gonna be on fucking TV now and I'm gonna fucking kill it.
02:34:13.000 And I was like, My life's pretty dope right now.
02:34:17.000 I don't know.
02:34:18.000 And dope like on the surface, like underneath, you know, I'm just a cauldron of suffering.
02:34:22.000 But I said, I think I'm not going to take this one.
02:34:27.000 And Scott, if you're out there, I'm sorry.
02:34:29.000 Like, we walked away from that project.
02:34:32.000 And then...
02:34:34.000 That's interesting.
02:34:35.000 Just because you saw the...
02:34:38.000 What the repercussions of the fame part.
02:34:40.000 Well, isn't it a Bill Murray quote, I want to be rich and famous, and he goes, why don't you just try the rich first and see if you want to add the famous to it or something like that?
02:34:48.000 It's like, you deal with that now, right?
02:34:51.000 Yeah.
02:34:52.000 Some people see what...
02:34:56.000 What other people have and they wish it was them.
02:34:59.000 I remember being a comic in the beginning, the early days, when I was just coming up and opening for people.
02:35:08.000 I remember seeing people that would be excited to see a comedian.
02:35:11.000 I'd be like, wow, that's fucking crazy.
02:35:15.000 This person I know, people want to meet them.
02:35:18.000 They want to see them.
02:35:18.000 I'm like, man, what do I have to do?
02:35:21.000 There's a part of you at 21 years old.
02:35:23.000 You're like, what the fuck do I have to do to be like that guy?
02:35:26.000 So what is your life like now?
02:35:29.000 The last time I saw you, I mean, you've been famous since I've known you, but it's exploded since then.
02:35:34.000 Can you go to the restaurant?
02:35:35.000 Yeah, I go to restaurants.
02:35:37.000 Most people are nice.
02:35:38.000 Most people are friendly.
02:35:40.000 So how do you deal with the Joe Rogan experience, changed my life?
02:35:43.000 Say what's up, what's up, what's up, nice to meet you.
02:35:45.000 And you just keep walking?
02:35:46.000 Nice to meet you, I gotta get out of here.
02:35:46.000 Keep moving.
02:35:49.000 Fuck.
02:35:50.000 Most people are cool.
02:35:51.000 They just want to say hi.
02:35:53.000 Hi's fine, man.
02:35:54.000 Nothing wrong.
02:35:55.000 I love it.
02:35:56.000 I'm happy.
02:35:56.000 I love that people enjoy it.
02:35:58.000 But it's a mind fuck and you gotta be careful.
02:36:01.000 It is a mindfucking issue.
02:36:02.000 Any mindfuck is...
02:36:03.000 It's like just meeting people that know you and you don't know them.
02:36:06.000 That's not a normal state for human beings.
02:36:09.000 It's weird.
02:36:10.000 No, it's not.
02:36:12.000 Someone said it best once, and I took this on early on, that you have to have a reset.
02:36:21.000 The real problem, sometimes people get upset and they meet too many people.
02:36:25.000 But I'm like, we've got to have a reset.
02:36:26.000 Every person is a new person.
02:36:28.000 This is the first time you've ever met.
02:36:30.000 It's not their fault that you met three people in a row on your way to the bathroom.
02:36:34.000 This is still the first time they're meeting you, but you could get stuck in a spot, too, though.
02:36:38.000 You could go to a bar where everybody's a little drunk, and then you're mobbed, and then people want to take pictures and hug you.
02:36:45.000 Do you think that's going to be more or less in Texas?
02:36:50.000 I don't know, man.
02:36:51.000 I think if I thought like that, I would never do anything.
02:36:55.000 You'd never take any chances, never do anything different.
02:36:58.000 I'm jealous, man.
02:36:59.000 I think I need to get the fuck out of LA, man.
02:37:02.000 I was born and raised here.
02:37:03.000 I'm an Angeleno.
02:37:04.000 I think for everybody, we're all realizing because of this pandemic that there's pros and cons to cities.
02:37:10.000 But when shit gets ugly, there's a lot of cons.
02:37:14.000 There's a lot of cons to being overcrowded.
02:37:17.000 Right.
02:37:18.000 And there's a lot of...
02:37:19.000 I mean...
02:37:20.000 There's also a little bit of a problem with just the sheer amount of people if the virus is spreading, right?
02:37:27.000 Because there's so many of us.
02:37:28.000 We're in the hot spot.
02:37:29.000 We're in the middle of it right now.
02:37:30.000 And there's so many of us, you know?
02:37:30.000 Yeah.
02:37:32.000 Do you see the Herman Cain thing?
02:37:34.000 No.
02:37:35.000 Herman Cain, the guy who ran for president, he just died of coronavirus.
02:37:39.000 And this is after he had went to one of the Trump rallies, one of his campaign rallies, with no mask on.
02:37:47.000 And then I think he was admitted to the hospital 10 days after that, right?
02:37:52.000 Is that what it was?
02:37:56.000 It's a rough way to go, man.
02:37:58.000 Dude, this shit's crazy, man.
02:38:00.000 You know what it's like, dude?
02:38:01.000 It's like 10 different diseases.
02:38:03.000 Like you talk to one person, it seems like no big deal.
02:38:06.000 The other person tells you they're still not well.
02:38:08.000 Four months later, they've got neurological diseases.
02:38:10.000 One person's mom beat it in a day.
02:38:13.000 The other person almost died.
02:38:15.000 Do you remember in the 80s when AIDS, like people didn't understand it yet?
02:38:21.000 Speaking of AIDS, I have to pee so bad.
02:38:23.000 I drank so much water before this.
02:38:25.000 So let's pause.
02:38:26.000 This is not speaking of AIDS. You were making an AIDS joke.
02:38:28.000 I wasn't.
02:38:29.000 I just have to pee.
02:38:29.000 We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
02:38:31.000 I just drank too much water.
02:38:32.000 My apologies.
02:38:33.000 No worries.
02:38:34.000 Welcome to Real Talk with David Cho.
02:38:37.000 I didn't...
02:38:38.000 I didn't...
02:38:40.000 We'll get back to AIDS, but I didn't dye my hair because I'm trying to empathize with gingers or whatever.
02:38:48.000 It's because I'm going bald.
02:38:50.000 And it sucks.
02:38:51.000 I'm 44. I'm a middle-aged man now.
02:38:53.000 I like to think that I'm like a young free spirit, but I'm starting to thin up here.
02:38:58.000 And I go, what are my options right now?
02:38:59.000 Save your head.
02:39:00.000 Shave your head, comb over, man bun, hat, hair plugs, hair transplant, Propecia.
02:39:09.000 Get a wig sewed right into your fucking skull.
02:39:12.000 Dude, I've never thought about it.
02:39:14.000 Just shave your head.
02:39:15.000 I swear to God, I wish when I first started going bald, I would have just shaved my head from the beginning.
02:39:20.000 But my answer to it was, try to dye your hair the same color as your skin so people don't see your bald spot.
02:39:26.000 And then I have a dark week where I'm just like...
02:39:31.000 I'm fat.
02:39:32.000 I couldn't keep up with the tribes, the Hadza tribe.
02:39:35.000 That's so funny.
02:39:36.000 Getting old and well, it's when you go, I haven't seen you in a while.
02:39:40.000 You look fucking great, man.
02:39:41.000 Thank you.
02:39:42.000 Like you're always been in shape, but I've tried trainers before.
02:39:48.000 Like I think I told you last time and thank you for talking me out of becoming a UFC fighter.
02:39:55.000 You know the Korean zombie?
02:39:57.000 And I go, why do they call him that?
02:39:59.000 And it's like, because he can take a punch.
02:40:01.000 That's my special skill.
02:40:03.000 Every fucking fight I've been in my life, and I've lost most of them, I think I told you that, I never tap out.
02:40:09.000 Like, you have to break my arm.
02:40:11.000 I've had my face disfigured.
02:40:14.000 So, I don't know.
02:40:15.000 That was stupid.
02:40:15.000 I'm not going to go into UFC fighting, but...
02:40:18.000 I go, I, when I think of myself as a person, I remember myself being relatively athletic, in shape, and when I go, oh, my hair's going, I'm being fat, I can't run as fast as I can, I go, I need a trainer.
02:40:33.000 I need help.
02:40:34.000 But what kind of trainer do I need?
02:40:36.000 The one like you where they're like, hey, every morning here, it's sort of like sergeant drill style or more, hey, Dave.
02:40:42.000 So I went with both.
02:40:44.000 I went with the hard ass that shows up at my house.
02:40:46.000 Dave, out of bed.
02:40:46.000 I don't give a fuck.
02:40:47.000 Runs me till I puke.
02:40:49.000 How was that one?
02:40:49.000 Lasted a week.
02:40:50.000 Out.
02:40:51.000 Done.
02:40:51.000 How many days a week were you trying to have him on?
02:40:54.000 Three.
02:40:54.000 Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
02:40:55.000 And after Friday, you're like, get the fuck out of here.
02:40:57.000 I just was like, this isn't my style.
02:40:59.000 Like, let me try this, the, like...
02:41:02.000 Soft-spoken.
02:41:03.000 So I got this lady, Claire.
02:41:04.000 Shout out to Claire.
02:41:05.000 And she, she would...
02:41:06.000 I told her, I know myself.
02:41:08.000 I don't like to be uncomfortable.
02:41:10.000 Like, I run from discomfort.
02:41:12.000 Like, I want to get in shape, but if you push me too hard...
02:41:16.000 I'm an artist.
02:41:17.000 I'm a sensitive being.
02:41:18.000 I'm not trying to get into fighting shape.
02:41:21.000 Just get me somewhat relatively healthy.
02:41:24.000 And then I sort of dropped off with that too and then the pandemic didn't help.
02:41:28.000 So I'm sitting here and in my brain I'm like, I have a fucking fire in me.
02:41:33.000 I know I can fucking...
02:41:37.000 I thought when we were starting the hunt with the tribe, I was like, I'm going to keep up with them.
02:41:42.000 And I did in the beginning.
02:41:43.000 I was right in the front with the head guy.
02:41:46.000 We're running.
02:41:47.000 Nona, that's his name.
02:41:49.000 And then I dropped off.
02:41:51.000 Of course you dropped off.
02:41:53.000 If you don't run every day, you're going to drop off.
02:41:55.000 That's just part of being a human.
02:41:58.000 I mean, it doesn't matter.
02:41:59.000 All this fire in your heart shit.
02:42:02.000 Listen, everybody feels that.
02:42:04.000 Like, there's a reality to physical fitness and performance.
02:42:07.000 And the big reality is you've got to put in work and recover.
02:42:11.000 Can I tell you how I feel?
02:42:12.000 It takes forever.
02:42:13.000 Can I tell you how I feel when I listen to the Joe Rogan Experience?
02:42:15.000 Because I leave you on all the time when I'm painting.
02:42:17.000 I was listening to you when I painted the thing of you.
02:42:20.000 I do feel extreme gratitude because I'm like, Even though I've listened to Joe for hundreds of hours now and there's tons of stuff I do disagree with him, thank God he exists.
02:42:31.000 He doesn't have much of an ego.
02:42:34.000 You've always uplifted me, promoted me, all your friends.
02:42:38.000 You have a great sense of humor.
02:42:43.000 Where the fuck was I going with this?
02:42:45.000 I don't know, but you make me uncomfortable.
02:42:47.000 Oh, I love it.
02:42:50.000 Fuck, where was I going with this?
02:42:52.000 This is what I'm talking about with the memory and shit.
02:42:54.000 We're talking about the tribes, and then we're talking about how soft we are, and we're talking about how they have awesome poop, and people are trying to steal that poop.
02:43:06.000 I don't know.
02:43:06.000 Maybe I'll remember it.
02:43:07.000 Isn't that funny that you would think that someone's poop?
02:43:09.000 Like, I know how to become like him.
02:43:11.000 Oh, we were talking about feelings.
02:43:13.000 Oh, feelings.
02:43:14.000 So, I... And you know I love you.
02:43:19.000 I love you, too.
02:43:19.000 Thanks, man.
02:43:20.000 I got really uncomfortable.
02:43:23.000 And you have such fucking powerful people on here that are smart, that are inspiring, that I start to feel self-conscious.
02:43:33.000 And you have like David Goggins on.
02:43:35.000 It's like, dude, this fat guy that just turned his life around.
02:43:38.000 And then I start to really feel less of a man, self-conscious, like a failure.
02:43:45.000 I'm like, fuck, man, if I just...
02:43:48.000 If I just pulled myself up by my bootstraps and I just got...
02:43:52.000 Who's speaking right now?
02:43:54.000 Fuck you, you fucking pussy!
02:43:56.000 The fuck up!
02:43:57.000 Oh shit, okay, okay, and...
02:43:59.000 You know?
02:44:00.000 Which Dave was that?
02:44:01.000 That's the Dave that tells me I'm a pussy.
02:44:03.000 That's Drill Sergeant Dave?
02:44:04.000 Yeah, the Drill Sergeant Dave is...
02:44:06.000 You know, I got diagnosed with severe antisocial personality disorder traits.
02:44:12.000 And I said, what does that mean?
02:44:13.000 Why don't I have the actual disorder?
02:44:15.000 And they're like...
02:44:16.000 Because we've never met anyone that's so fucking hard on themselves.
02:44:20.000 Like, what's the first thought when you meet anybody?
02:44:23.000 Like friend, foe, anyone?
02:44:24.000 It's fuck you.
02:44:25.000 You think that all day.
02:44:26.000 Fuck this guy.
02:44:27.000 Fuck you.
02:44:28.000 Who the fuck?
02:44:28.000 Fuck.
02:44:29.000 But the strange thing about you is you actually have friends and people like you and you have a lot of people that love you and you love a lot of people so we can't diagnose you with the actual disorder but you fucking have a lot of So you would see people and just say, fuck you immediately?
02:44:44.000 That would be your first thought?
02:44:45.000 I have such a...
02:44:46.000 I have such insane abandonment issues.
02:44:49.000 My parents sent me away since I was a kid, so I have a really weird thing with authority or even anyone saying, hey, David, are you open to a suggestion?
02:44:57.000 Yeah, sure.
02:44:58.000 Let me hear it.
02:44:58.000 And the second they open their mouth, I'm like, fuck you.
02:45:01.000 You don't fucking know me.
02:45:02.000 You don't fucking know me.
02:45:03.000 And it's like...
02:45:07.000 So I listen to your show and I'm like, damn, dude, Joe fucking did this.
02:45:07.000 That's so funny.
02:45:12.000 He's got all these inspirational people that turn their life around.
02:45:14.000 Like, why the fuck do I still have a gut?
02:45:16.000 Why can't I? Why am I still depressed?
02:45:20.000 Why am I still addicted to this?
02:45:21.000 Why can't I get off the fucking internet?
02:45:25.000 I was talking to you a little bit about the video game stuff, right?
02:45:28.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:45:29.000 When I was in my mid-20s, People couldn't wait for Warcraft 3 to come out.
02:45:36.000 It was like the new shit coming out.
02:45:38.000 Right.
02:45:38.000 I remember.
02:45:39.000 They're like, it's going to come out.
02:45:40.000 And they delayed it.
02:45:41.000 And it finally came out.
02:45:42.000 And I didn't have any money then.
02:45:44.000 And I got Warcraft 2. And Warcraft 2, the interface for the kids out there listening...
02:45:51.000 It's like god interface.
02:45:52.000 Like you're little peasants and paladins and you're moving them around where Warcraft 3 is more 3D. What the fuck am I explaining video games?
02:45:59.000 And I got on there and because the entire world was waiting for Warcraft 3, no one was playing Warcraft 2. So I was the god of Warcraft 2. You know when you go on online games, you get a game really quick?
02:46:10.000 Uh-huh.
02:46:11.000 This was back in the- this is like 20 years ago.
02:46:13.000 So wait, I'm 24. Yeah, it's like 20 years ago.
02:46:15.000 So I'd get on the game and I'd be waiting.
02:46:18.000 I'd start a map and I'm like, who wants to play?
02:46:20.000 And I'd wait and I have to wait for people to join.
02:46:23.000 My career was just getting started.
02:46:25.000 I was in a wonderful relationship with this woman that I dated for seven years.
02:46:29.000 My life was like on the up and up.
02:46:33.000 And this thing completely took over my life.
02:46:37.000 Have you ever seen this documentary called Web Junkies about the internet problem in China?
02:46:42.000 I haven't seen that, but I'm aware of the problem.
02:46:45.000 It's a documentary from 2014 and it starts with a kid just crying.
02:46:51.000 And they're like, why are you crying?
02:46:53.000 And so China had declared...
02:46:57.000 PC rooms, internet, video game addiction, a national emergency.
02:47:00.000 So they said, it's okay.
02:47:01.000 We set up these centers.
02:47:03.000 And you could either poison or drug your kid and just drop him off there.
02:47:08.000 Or you could lie to him and tell him they're going to a camping trip and then just drop him off there.
02:47:12.000 And then they stay there for 90 days.
02:47:15.000 And it's like a prison.
02:47:16.000 And the start of the movie...
02:47:19.000 Yeah, look at the kid crying.
02:47:20.000 You see that?
02:47:24.000 Wow.
02:47:25.000 So they can't stop playing video games.
02:47:28.000 They can't stop watching porn.
02:47:29.000 They can't function.
02:47:31.000 So this thing, in the movie at some point, I'll spoil it, they escape.
02:47:37.000 Is this a documentary?
02:47:39.000 Yeah, it's a documentary.
02:47:41.000 They escape from the madhouse at one point.
02:47:44.000 Like the kids, you know, they form a plan.
02:47:47.000 And where do they go?
02:47:48.000 They go to the PC room down the street.
02:47:49.000 They just can't help themselves.
02:47:50.000 They can't stop.
02:47:52.000 Wow.
02:47:53.000 It almost looks like an independent film.
02:47:55.000 That's why I asked if it's a documentary.
02:47:56.000 No, it's a documentary.
02:47:57.000 The way they've shot it is very interesting.
02:47:59.000 Because for me, you know me, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't do any of that.
02:48:03.000 But I fucking...
02:48:04.000 I've been to over a thousand AA meetings...
02:48:08.000 And I don't drink.
02:48:09.000 Why do you do that?
02:48:10.000 I'm like, because I can't stop porn.
02:48:13.000 I can't stop video games.
02:48:14.000 I can't stop gambling.
02:48:16.000 And I know that they have meetings for that too, but they're harder to find.
02:48:19.000 They're more shameful.
02:48:20.000 There's less people.
02:48:21.000 And if I go to an AA room and I'm talking and there's a guy speaking about how he got clean from alcohol, I just listen to him and every time he says alcohol, I replace it with porn, video game.
02:48:31.000 And I'm like, and not just that.
02:48:35.000 I'll do that in a last case-ditch scenario.
02:48:38.000 But I'll go to all the meetings.
02:48:40.000 I go to all the fucking meetings.
02:48:42.000 And so I'm sitting on Warcraft 2 and something's missing from my life and my rage and my anger and all my addictions and my mental illnesses are coming out in this Warcraft game.
02:48:55.000 And I find this map that's perfect.
02:48:57.000 It's a small map and it's called Paintball and it's just everyone dies.
02:49:00.000 Everyone has one hit point.
02:49:01.000 So one hit and you're dead so it's more like a chess speedball game.
02:49:06.000 So the games don't last more than 15 minutes.
02:49:08.000 You have one peasant, one paladin, and one wizard.
02:49:12.000 And I killed at that game.
02:49:15.000 I killed every- And within five minutes, you know, like the way it goes, you bring down a blizzard storm and you build a cannon tower or whatever, and you know if you're gonna win.
02:49:25.000 And this is before- Within five minutes?
02:49:26.000 Because it's a fast game.
02:49:27.000 Everything moves fast and you don't have to wait for the wood to chop.
02:49:30.000 It's really fast.
02:49:32.000 I've never fucked with those games.
02:49:34.000 This was before the earpieces.
02:49:37.000 So within five minutes, the game is sort of on auto, so you know who can do the things the fastest.
02:49:42.000 Then I start talking shit.
02:49:43.000 I'm going to skull fuck your parents, you dumb motherfucker.
02:49:46.000 This is a kid.
02:49:48.000 And I'm like, you know the way people talk, all their demons come out.
02:49:52.000 And I'm playing kids, and they're like, what is a skull fuck?
02:49:58.000 I am a horrible person.
02:50:00.000 And then one day, I was the king of this map.
02:50:03.000 Like, in this one area in my life where my art career is kind of going good, but not really, and I don't know how to be in a relationship, and I'm just sort of lost in my mid-twenties, I don't know who the fuck I am, I don't...
02:50:14.000 In this game, I am God.
02:50:16.000 I'm God, like, and I'll go out, and I'll be checked out.
02:50:19.000 I'll be out with my friend.
02:50:20.000 How many hours a day are you playing this game?
02:50:23.000 I'm not gonna lie.
02:50:24.000 It would be like all day.
02:50:25.000 I'd be like, oh, I gotta go work.
02:50:27.000 And so it was the first time in my life...
02:50:28.000 10?
02:50:28.000 10 hours a day?
02:50:29.000 No, no, no.
02:50:30.000 12?
02:50:32.000 16?
02:50:32.000 18 hours, 20 hours a day.
02:50:36.000 So I would play this game and I would lie.
02:50:40.000 I started lying.
02:50:41.000 I started lying to my friends about what I was doing.
02:50:43.000 And when I was out, I'd be checked out.
02:50:45.000 They'd be talking about, hey, this new thing, we're gonna go here.
02:50:47.000 And I'd be like, ice storm.
02:50:49.000 Ice storm.
02:50:50.000 You know?
02:50:51.000 It's like...
02:50:54.000 Dude, you're laughing, and I could laugh with you today because it's fucking 20 years ago, but at the time...
02:50:59.000 I had...
02:51:01.000 I had...
02:51:02.000 I don't want to admit to you that I played the fucking game 20 hours a day.
02:51:06.000 I'd be like, yeah, I played 8 hours a day.
02:51:07.000 Well, no, listen, you know I had a video game addiction.
02:51:10.000 I know.
02:51:11.000 A hardcore one.
02:51:11.000 Right.
02:51:12.000 So I get it.
02:51:13.000 I get it.
02:51:13.000 But see, we're older guys.
02:51:15.000 I meet kids today.
02:51:17.000 I was talking to a kid the other day.
02:51:18.000 He's 20 years old, and he said...
02:51:22.000 He said, I can't get hard, and I'm a virgin.
02:51:25.000 And I said, wait, hold on, back up.
02:51:28.000 Guys like you and me, like older dudes, All have the same story of how we saw our first pornography.
02:51:35.000 It's always print, right?
02:51:37.000 It's always Playboy, Hustler.
02:51:39.000 Exactly.
02:51:39.000 It's always print.
02:51:40.000 It's a naked photo on a piece of paper.
02:51:42.000 Dude, I had a whole bit about how we would find it in the forest.
02:51:45.000 Yeah, it's in the forest.
02:51:47.000 It's in your parents' garage, stepfather's garage.
02:51:50.000 That's our generation.
02:51:51.000 That's what we found.
02:51:51.000 And then the first time you saw porn, how old were you?
02:51:54.000 Like physical porn.
02:51:55.000 Like with the moving?
02:51:56.000 The moving.
02:51:58.000 I was in junior high, so...
02:52:02.000 13?
02:52:02.000 14?
02:52:03.000 I think I was probably around there too.
02:52:04.000 Maybe I was 14. And pixelated, right?
02:52:07.000 It's on the Showtime with the...
02:52:10.000 No, I saw a VHS tape.
02:52:12.000 I saw a VHS tape.
02:52:13.000 That was the first time I ever saw it.
02:52:14.000 My head fucking exploded.
02:52:16.000 I was like, holy shit.
02:52:17.000 Couldn't believe you could see it's crazy because you had never seen anybody fuck before then like you kind of knew what vaginas looked like because of Playboy and breasts look like but there's something about watching people actually have sex you like your whole body take it when you're a 14 year old kid and you see that it's like a drug right like a drug that it's not it's not like a drug it is a drug drug I mean,
02:52:39.000 for the kids out there that...
02:52:40.000 You just don't take it in a pill or a smoke form, but it's a drug.
02:52:43.000 We live in a society today where we have a strip club, a drug dealer, a casino.
02:52:47.000 It's all right here.
02:52:48.000 You don't have to leave.
02:52:49.000 You remember the VHS tapes that were in the...
02:52:51.000 Oh, yeah.
02:52:52.000 So I live in a house, a small house, three brothers, me and my older brother, my younger brother, and...
02:53:01.000 My head exploded because I saw scrambled porn at my friend Alejandro's place.
02:53:04.000 I was like, I think I could see a tit.
02:53:06.000 People don't even know what you're saying when you say scrambled porn.
02:53:09.000 It's like my new paintings.
02:53:11.000 There's like glitched, like you see a tit or whatever, but...
02:53:13.000 It used to be, let's just explain.
02:53:15.000 There used to be, there were certain channels you couldn't get to.
02:53:18.000 And your parents would have to subscribe to Showtime.
02:53:20.000 But you'd take like HBO over an HBO Showtime package.
02:53:25.000 You would decide, well, let's just get HBO. Or we can only afford Cinemax.
02:53:29.000 But there were some of those channels, like they'd call Cinemax Skinemax.
02:53:33.000 Right.
02:53:34.000 Because there's some of those channels.
02:53:35.000 Right, because there was so much.
02:53:36.000 They were like...
02:53:37.000 They were like fake movies with an excuse to show like softcore action.
02:53:41.000 But you didn't see Penetration.
02:53:43.000 No.
02:53:44.000 Like the first time I saw Penetration was when I think I was 14. I don't remember who got the video.
02:53:50.000 But one of my friends got a porn, an actual porn.
02:53:53.000 And we were watching it like in stunned disbelief.
02:53:56.000 Like what in the fuck?
02:53:58.000 Right.
02:53:58.000 And so that what in the fuck?
02:54:00.000 I see the scrambled porn and I can't function as a normal human now.
02:54:05.000 I'm 13, 14 years old.
02:54:07.000 I live in a two-bedroom house with three boys that are all hitting puberty.
02:54:13.000 And I go, I need more.
02:54:16.000 I need more.
02:54:17.000 So I go and wear my dad's trench coat.
02:54:20.000 I walk into an adult bookstore on...
02:54:24.000 La Brea and, like, Highland.
02:54:26.000 And, uh, sorry.
02:54:27.000 Trenchcoat on?
02:54:28.000 Santa Monica.
02:54:29.000 It's where Trejo's Tacos is right now.
02:54:31.000 Because I wanted to look like an adult.
02:54:32.000 You know, I'm like a fucking, like, zitty Asian kid.
02:54:35.000 And I walk in, and you remember, they used to be, like, 40 bucks.
02:54:39.000 And, like, in a carton, they were, like, expensive.
02:54:41.000 Like, the packaging was really big.
02:54:43.000 And I went in there, and I, um...
02:54:47.000 I saw a package, and I remember it perfectly.
02:54:50.000 Up-and-comers, Raylene's first, you know, and I'm touching the box, and it's taped up, and there's a metal detector, and there's cameras, and I go...
02:54:58.000 I lost my mind.
02:55:00.000 I lost my mind.
02:55:01.000 I was like, I have to have it.
02:55:02.000 I don't have 40 bucks.
02:55:03.000 I'm a fucking 13-year-old kid.
02:55:05.000 I use my fingernail to take the tape off.
02:55:07.000 I take the tape out, and the guy sees that I'm...
02:55:09.000 Hey, what's going on there?
02:55:10.000 Fucking jam it under the coat.
02:55:11.000 Book it.
02:55:12.000 I run home.
02:55:14.000 You got away with it?
02:55:15.000 Yeah, I ran all the way.
02:55:17.000 That's when I should have been with the tribe.
02:55:20.000 When you're 13 and horny.
02:55:22.000 13 and horny and I get home.
02:55:25.000 We have VHS and a beta machine because my dad chose wrong and then we had to eventually get the VHS. And my grandmother is watching WWF wrestling.
02:55:35.000 So you got to understand the dynamics of a tiny home.
02:55:40.000 So my grandma, my two brothers, and my parents, and someone is always home.
02:55:47.000 Someone is always home.
02:55:48.000 So this thing's burning a hole in my pocket.
02:55:50.000 I gotta watch it, but when can I watch it?
02:55:52.000 So I finally put a plan together.
02:55:56.000 I go, I'm gonna watch this.
02:55:58.000 And I don't even know how to masturbate.
02:56:00.000 I don't even know what that is.
02:56:01.000 I have no sex education.
02:56:03.000 I go, at dinner time on Wednesday.
02:56:06.000 I'm gonna eat my dinner really quick.
02:56:09.000 Run to the fucking living room, and so it happened.
02:56:14.000 So we're eating dinner, and hey, slow down.
02:56:15.000 Why are you eating dinner so fast?
02:56:16.000 Fucking scoop up the rice, get some kimchi.
02:56:18.000 Okay.
02:56:18.000 Hey, can I be excused?
02:56:19.000 Like, no, we're having family dinner right now.
02:56:21.000 What's going to tell me?
02:56:23.000 No, I'm good.
02:56:24.000 I'm good.
02:56:24.000 I run to the fucking living room, and you can, it's not that far.
02:56:27.000 I don't live in a huge house, so you can still hear the silverware clinking like they're eating.
02:56:33.000 I pull out the, there's like a Disney movie in there, I pull out the VHS, I put in my thing, there's the FBI warning, I'm fast-forwarding, I'm like looking, I'm looking, I'm fast-forwarding, and you hit play and fast-forward, and then I see tits, and it's, and she's wearing jeans, and then, oh my god!
02:56:51.000 No!
02:56:52.000 That's the cover!
02:56:54.000 No!
02:56:55.000 No, Jamie!
02:56:56.000 No.
02:56:57.000 Don't do this to me.
02:56:58.000 I found the actual video, too, if you'd like to see it.
02:57:00.000 No, no, no, no.
02:57:01.000 Time out, time out, time out.
02:57:02.000 This is outrageous, young man.
02:57:04.000 Actually, I don't watch porn anymore, so you're making me relapse right now.
02:57:09.000 Let me see that one more time.
02:57:12.000 So I fast forward to this, and you gotta understand, I had seen print, Playboy, I'd seen...
02:57:19.000 I'd never seen that, the moving and how fucking veiny their dicks are, and...
02:57:24.000 Like, you know, like, I'm like, fuck, man!
02:57:27.000 So I am, everything's dopamine, serotonin, you know, I'm like, my dad can walk in at any second, and I'm like...
02:57:34.000 I'm pressing my dick against the wall.
02:57:36.000 And then I was like, okay.
02:57:38.000 And I'm studying, and I'm like, save this for later.
02:57:41.000 This goes in the spank bank.
02:57:42.000 Okay, this is enough.
02:57:42.000 Save all...
02:57:43.000 One more second.
02:57:44.000 Two more seconds.
02:57:45.000 Okay, delete tape.
02:57:47.000 Put the Disney tape back in.
02:57:48.000 Run back.
02:57:49.000 Hey, why are you breathing hard?
02:57:51.000 Oh, nothing, nothing.
02:57:52.000 And then I get to my room, and I share a bunk bed with my brother.
02:57:57.000 Oh, no.
02:57:58.000 Are you on top or the bottom?
02:57:58.000 And I'm like, I can't.
02:57:59.000 I'm on the bottom.
02:58:00.000 Oh no!
02:58:00.000 Okay.
02:58:01.000 I'm on the bottom.
02:58:02.000 That little fuck could just look down and see you at any moment.
02:58:05.000 So I have...
02:58:06.000 I am full of...
02:58:08.000 There's cum coming out of my eyes.
02:58:10.000 I'm like, I gotta fucking jerk off.
02:58:12.000 Like, I don't even know what...
02:58:13.000 I'm like...
02:58:14.000 So...
02:58:15.000 And I always knew when my brother fell asleep because his breathing slows down.
02:58:19.000 So I'm like sitting there.
02:58:21.000 I'm pressing my dick against the wall.
02:58:22.000 I'm like...
02:58:23.000 And he's like, finally...
02:58:25.000 He finally falls asleep.
02:58:27.000 And I go, okay.
02:58:28.000 I'm going to like hold my whole arm because it's a squeaky, it's like a shitty bunk bed.
02:58:32.000 I'm going to hold my whole arm against my this and jerk off.
02:58:32.000 Oh no.
02:58:37.000 Fuck.
02:58:38.000 Dave, you knew?
02:58:40.000 Okay, whatever.
02:58:41.000 Are you talking to yourself again?
02:58:42.000 I start doing a very gentle, quiet masturbation, but it's still doing it.
02:58:47.000 A light tug with a little bit of squeak.
02:58:50.000 Because I don't want to wake up with my brother.
02:58:51.000 What I want to do is I want to fucking crank it.
02:58:54.000 And then I hear, David, that's my brother.
02:58:57.000 He's like, Why are you shaking the bed so much?
02:59:00.000 I'm like, oh, fuck, man.
02:59:03.000 And now I'm like, god damn, I gotta find a place in my house.
02:59:06.000 Anyways, I could go on and on about- Your brother's a cock blocker.
02:59:09.000 He's a cock blocker.
02:59:11.000 He fucking cocked me, blocked me from myself.
02:59:13.000 So I bring this up because this is- This is what we had to do to bust a nut back in the day.
02:59:21.000 It's not that hard today.
02:59:22.000 It's everywhere.
02:59:23.000 So I meet this 20-year-old kid, and he goes, I'm a virgin?
02:59:28.000 I've heard your story before, because your story is every old guy's story.
02:59:31.000 My story is, my mom was watching me.
02:59:33.000 She left the YouTube video, Baby Shark or some shit up, and she went to the bathroom, and I clicked Pokemon, and then it was Pokemon cosplay triple anal gangbang.
02:59:45.000 And that's the first thing I've ever seen at age four.
02:59:49.000 Whoa!
02:59:50.000 Straight to anal, age four.
02:59:52.000 How is that possible?
02:59:54.000 Dude, if you have an unblocked phone, like, it's very easy.
02:59:59.000 How's a kid gonna get to Pokemon porn?
03:00:00.000 Is it that quick?
03:00:04.000 Jamie?
03:00:04.000 Is this also like back in the day when YouTube used to have it set up?
03:00:11.000 Did they have restrictions back in the day?
03:00:14.000 Because when things first started going up, there was a lot of people sneaking things in that weren't supposed to be on there, and then they would catch them.
03:00:22.000 But they didn't have porn.
03:00:24.000 None of those have had like...
03:00:26.000 I don't think so, but I think people can probably get away.
03:00:28.000 It could probably be up there for like five minutes before it gets taken down or something.
03:00:31.000 You know what's so crazy is that Twitter still has porn.
03:00:34.000 Right.
03:00:34.000 Like hardcore porn.
03:00:35.000 Like if you let your kid look at your phone and they click on Twitter, they could see someone taking the ass.
03:00:41.000 I have a blocked phone.
03:00:43.000 Yeah, that could happen.
03:00:44.000 So this kid's like, that's my story and that's most young people's story now.
03:00:49.000 It isn't they found their dad's Playboy in the forest.
03:00:52.000 They accidentally stumbled upon something online.
03:00:54.000 Or some kid that doesn't...
03:00:55.000 It wasn't an accident.
03:00:56.000 Someone tells them.
03:00:57.000 Some older brother goes, hey.
03:00:58.000 So my first visual...
03:01:01.000 Burned programmed into my young mind isn't a still image with a woman with a huge bush.
03:01:06.000 It's fucking anal penetration.
03:01:09.000 That's my first image and as the addict craves novelty as you get older you need more and more.
03:01:15.000 So by the time I'm 13 I need prolapsed anus stuff.
03:01:19.000 I need transsexual.
03:01:21.000 I need gay sex.
03:01:23.000 So he says, this kid is 20 years old.
03:01:26.000 He's never had sex.
03:01:27.000 He's like a simp, incel, whatever they call him.
03:01:31.000 He uses Viagra to get half hard.
03:01:34.000 He can't even get fully hard.
03:01:35.000 And his life is just scrolling.
03:01:38.000 It's just porn, video games, porn, video games, porn.
03:01:41.000 And it's...
03:01:42.000 We could sit here and we could laugh at it, and I have laughed at it, but that's a problem.
03:01:48.000 That's a problem.
03:01:48.000 So if I take it back to when I'm 24, when the technology was way less, I missed my first deadline.
03:01:55.000 I was late to work.
03:01:56.000 I lost that girlfriend, not just because of that, because of other issues too, but...
03:02:02.000 I didn't get up for one weekend from Friday to Sunday without pissing, drinking water, and at some point, I had found this guy, this arch enemy on this Warcraft game.
03:02:12.000 He'd win one, I'd win one, one more, one more, one more.
03:02:15.000 He'd win one, one more.
03:02:16.000 And the guy was like a British guy who had a wife and kids.
03:02:18.000 He's like, bro, I got a life, dude.
03:02:20.000 And I'm like, fuck you, pussy.
03:02:21.000 We go, we go, we go.
03:02:23.000 Hours.
03:02:24.000 Hours.
03:02:25.000 I'm seeing fucking wizardry in my mind.
03:02:27.000 I'm seeing paladins.
03:02:29.000 I feel like God.
03:02:31.000 When I finally got up, I fucking collapsed.
03:02:33.000 My legs were gone.
03:02:35.000 And then I almost had to call 911 because they just wouldn't work for an hour.
03:02:39.000 And I called my friend who's a doctor and they're like, you're dehydrated.
03:02:42.000 Go drink some water.
03:02:44.000 And if Jamie just Googles Korean video game overdose, it's always a Korean.
03:02:49.000 It's always an Asian.
03:02:50.000 They play video games to death.
03:02:52.000 There's a Korean family.
03:02:54.000 Why do you think that is?
03:02:55.000 The culture there, it's like intense.
03:02:59.000 The addiction that most people, if you play whack-a-mole, you're like, yeah, I used to be addicted to sex, gambling, da-da-da-da-da, and I jump and I jump and I'm addicted to this.
03:03:11.000 The one where you can hide in plain sight where everyone pats you on the back is workaholism, right?
03:03:16.000 I could work all day and night, and in this culture, you get pat on the back.
03:03:21.000 Asian culture is the same, except if you fail, You either kill yourself and you're an absolute disgrace.
03:03:28.000 In Japan, the suicide rate was really high.
03:03:31.000 Now it's in Korea.
03:03:32.000 But your identity is tight.
03:03:35.000 Who are you?
03:03:36.000 Oh, I'm...
03:03:37.000 A podcast around this.
03:03:38.000 You are only what your job is, and if you're not good at it, then what's your drug?
03:03:43.000 Oh, I'm gonna fucking just zone out in this video game PC room.
03:03:48.000 My life's not going well.
03:03:49.000 There's a man and a wife in Korea.
03:03:52.000 I saw this in some documentary that They would keep going to the internet room to play this video game like where you virtually raise like The Sims or something like that that they forgot to feed their own kid and their kid died and they went to jail for it and then when they went out it's like this is a fucking problem.
03:04:08.000 This is like a real problem and We live in a culture where there's things that are accepted addictions, right?
03:04:16.000 If you fucking do opioids and heroin and like...
03:04:19.000 I've been to those rooms, man.
03:04:21.000 I see how they treat people.
03:04:22.000 If you're like a heroin addict, there's a hierarchy.
03:04:24.000 You're a real drug addict.
03:04:26.000 But if you smoke weed, come on, man.
03:04:28.000 You're not going to OD from that.
03:04:30.000 But...
03:04:31.000 If you look at the amount of people that kill themselves now, like it's almost normalized and how many of my friends have done that, how many people that you know that, and especially during this pandemic, the suicide rate's gone up like crazy.
03:04:44.000 That's a fucking real problem, man.
03:04:46.000 And people, when I think of Bourdain and I think of myself and even starting the show off giving you compliments, we live in a culture that doesn't know how to...
03:04:57.000 When people go, don't shoot the messenger.
03:04:59.000 The messenger, people say that because the messenger gets shot.
03:05:02.000 We don't know how to ask for help.
03:05:04.000 We don't know how to receive help.
03:05:05.000 We don't know even how to give help.
03:05:07.000 Like, if I try to help one of my friends who's like addicted to video games and jerking off, get the fuck out of here, Dave.
03:05:12.000 You don't fucking...
03:05:13.000 I'm like, bro, just trying to help.
03:05:15.000 Right?
03:05:16.000 It's very hard to help people.
03:05:17.000 They have to want help.
03:05:19.000 Right.
03:05:19.000 If people don't want help, you're not going to help them.
03:05:21.000 You're going to bully them around.
03:05:22.000 You're going to yell at them.
03:05:23.000 They're going to eventually do what they want to do anyway.
03:05:24.000 Right.
03:05:25.000 But when someone comes to you and says, hey, I need help, that's when things get serious.
03:05:29.000 Because other than that, you're forcing...
03:05:30.000 I have friends that I would like if they did things differently in terms of their health.
03:05:36.000 I can't say anything to them.
03:05:38.000 You just have to accept it.
03:05:40.000 This is what it is.
03:05:42.000 People come up with their own excuses, their own reasons.
03:05:45.000 You brought this up earlier, and I wanted to ask you now.
03:05:48.000 You were talking about...
03:05:50.000 Like physical stuff like you get angry and get anxiety because like you don't you let yourself get overweight like How much does that fuck with you and how much would you give to not have that anymore?
03:06:05.000 Like isn't that wouldn't I mean if there's one major thing that keeps fucking with you over and over again that you could fix I have That's a fixed one.
03:06:15.000 You could fix that one.
03:06:16.000 So I have a disease of more, like I was saying.
03:06:18.000 I have a chasm, a black hole, that it doesn't matter how many women I have sex with, how many porn I've jerked off to, how much money I've gambled and lost and won small fortunes, huge fortunes.
03:06:32.000 I have had an eating disorder, which is like, I thought that was...
03:06:37.000 Girl thing.
03:06:38.000 That's what I thought like I got to When I went to rehab for gambling addiction This is the first rehab I've went to I've been to every fucking rehab mental health wellness center in America now.
03:06:51.000 I Said hey, do you guys deal with process addiction?
03:06:53.000 And the other guy sure come over and when I went there There was only meth heads there.
03:06:58.000 They didn't even know they just wanted my money.
03:07:00.000 Yeah, just come over here and I learned they're like serious gambling addiction Like, one out of four kills themselves.
03:07:09.000 Yeah, it's the reason why there's no balconies in Las Vegas.
03:07:14.000 The only place that has balconies is the Cosmo, I think.
03:07:17.000 And they had, like, two suicides the first month they opened, I think.
03:07:20.000 Because you're...
03:07:24.000 So I'm like, I have things that when I talk about it, it's funny.
03:07:29.000 Can't stop jerking off.
03:07:32.000 I can't stop working.
03:07:33.000 Just fucking got an Emmy working for Vice and I got my podcast and I got this and I got this next project and my next art show is going to make a million dollars.
03:07:41.000 You're addicted to that.
03:07:42.000 There's no end to it.
03:07:45.000 When I watch the Jordan documentary and I meet famous people that have succeeded at the highest levels, I go, how long were you happy for?
03:07:54.000 Maybe a day?
03:07:55.000 Maybe 24 hours?
03:07:56.000 And then what happens the next day?
03:07:58.000 Back to the grind.
03:07:59.000 It's not enough.
03:08:00.000 Got the gold medal, back to the grind, back to the grind.
03:08:03.000 And I go, it's never going to be enough.
03:08:06.000 I'll never have enough Women, money, success.
03:08:11.000 It's this...
03:08:12.000 And I go...
03:08:13.000 I have so many friends who've killed themselves.
03:08:16.000 I have so many...
03:08:17.000 Like, Bourdain asked me for help.
03:08:18.000 He asked me for help.
03:08:20.000 And I'm like, yes!
03:08:21.000 What did he say?
03:08:22.000 He said, I'm fucking miserable.
03:08:24.000 I'm miserable.
03:08:25.000 How do you deal with this?
03:08:26.000 And I was like, I've been waiting for this fucking phone call.
03:08:29.000 How recent or how close to when he died was this?
03:08:29.000 Thank you.
03:08:33.000 It was within the year.
03:08:34.000 It wasn't like right, but...
03:08:36.000 So he said it was miserable and in what way did he describe it?
03:08:39.000 He said, you're successful.
03:08:40.000 I'm successful.
03:08:41.000 Do you find yourself suffering?
03:08:44.000 And I go, absolutely, please.
03:08:45.000 And then I called him and...
03:08:47.000 And I... This is what I mean when I say asking for help and receiving for help.
03:08:53.000 That was a fucking hard...
03:08:55.000 You know people that know Bourdain.
03:08:57.000 I know his friends.
03:08:58.000 I know his manager.
03:08:59.000 You won't find a fucking person that will say a bad thing about him.
03:09:03.000 That guy is a fucking...
03:09:04.000 He's so awesome.
03:09:06.000 He's always looking out for you.
03:09:08.000 He'll show up for you.
03:09:09.000 Whatever you need, he'll take care of you.
03:09:11.000 He's an amazing guy.
03:09:11.000 Very, very interesting guy.
03:09:13.000 Very intense.
03:09:14.000 And so you can't find anyone.
03:09:15.000 But I'm like, you're a fucking asshole, dude.
03:09:17.000 You're an asshole.
03:09:19.000 You murdered yourself.
03:09:21.000 You murdered yourself.
03:09:22.000 You killed someone.
03:09:23.000 That person happened to be you, but you couldn't even show up for yourself.
03:09:26.000 You...
03:09:27.000 Sorry.
03:09:37.000 I'm sorry.
03:09:53.000 I'm sorry, I'm getting real.
03:09:54.000 It's okay, man.
03:09:55.000 Listen.
03:09:57.000 I get it.
03:09:58.000 You love the guy.
03:10:00.000 I loved him, too.
03:10:02.000 It's, um...
03:10:06.000 I've known many people that have killed themselves now.
03:10:10.000 It's a very sad thing that you can never fix.
03:10:16.000 That sadness is always going to be a part of you.
03:10:18.000 You're always going to think, maybe I could have gotten to him, maybe I could have talked to him, maybe if I was there.
03:10:23.000 But that was it.
03:10:24.000 He did it.
03:10:25.000 He reached out.
03:10:26.000 He's like, I relate to you, Dave.
03:10:28.000 I connect with you.
03:10:30.000 And I was like, yes.
03:10:32.000 So what did he wind up doing?
03:10:33.000 I talked to him.
03:10:35.000 I said, hey man, here's all the things I've done.
03:10:37.000 I'm in a really good place now.
03:10:39.000 I can help you.
03:10:40.000 I can refer you to places.
03:10:42.000 I got you.
03:10:43.000 And it was almost like, thank you for caring for me.
03:10:47.000 Thank you.
03:10:47.000 He was severe codependent.
03:10:51.000 He was a people pleaser.
03:10:52.000 He never said no.
03:10:55.000 He's like, I'm going to fucking help everybody except for myself.
03:11:03.000 It's okay, man.
03:11:04.000 I get it.
03:11:09.000 I'm going to help everyone except for myself.
03:11:09.000 So...
03:11:13.000 And I think I make this up in my head.
03:11:18.000 And I've done this too before.
03:11:19.000 I kind of half-ass ask people for help.
03:11:23.000 Oh, Dave, I got resources.
03:11:24.000 And I go, that's enough.
03:11:26.000 Just to know that you cared and that I know that there's places I can go to, that's enough.
03:11:30.000 I don't have to actually...
03:11:32.000 Full stop my life and change until, you know, oh, fuck.
03:11:38.000 So that's what I mean when you say, we don't, as a culture, people don't teach us this shit.
03:11:42.000 People don't teach us how to fucking ask for help and then receive help.
03:11:48.000 I fucking gave you five compliments at the start of the show.
03:11:51.000 I couldn't take a fucking, I couldn't take a compliment, I couldn't say one nice thing about myself five years ago.
03:12:02.000 And if someone tried to say something, hey Dave, you're good, I'd shut them down.
03:12:05.000 Okay, okay.
03:12:07.000 It's like...
03:12:08.000 And I turn everything into a joke, right?
03:12:13.000 Everything, I can't sit here in this discomfort.
03:12:16.000 I don't want to be uncomfortable.
03:12:19.000 So I find this place.
03:12:22.000 I go, I'm fucking ready now.
03:12:24.000 I'm ready.
03:12:26.000 Whatever my best thinking got me here, like whatever, talking to people, sitting around, like...
03:12:33.000 Something's fucked up with me.
03:12:35.000 All the shit that happened in my life, I'm like throwing myself in a fucking jungle.
03:12:42.000 Like I'm going to jail repeatedly.
03:12:44.000 Hold on, hold on.
03:12:45.000 Why are you choosing to look at it in a negative way?
03:12:48.000 In the way you're describing it right there, but something must be fucked up with me.
03:12:51.000 I go to the jungle, I'm doing all this crazy shit.
03:12:54.000 That's one of the things that makes you interesting, is this extreme real curiosity.
03:13:00.000 You have a real curiosity and a willingness to do wild shit like go to the Congo and look for a fucking dinosaur and sleep in a tent where all this shit's crawling around.
03:13:11.000 I'm telling you this story now because I'm alive.
03:13:13.000 I could have easily died there.
03:13:15.000 Multiple times.
03:13:15.000 Yes.
03:13:16.000 And then going back.
03:13:16.000 Yes.
03:13:17.000 Yes.
03:13:18.000 Going back ten years later.
03:13:19.000 I think a film crew is going to make that easier.
03:13:21.000 I get it.
03:13:22.000 The fucking chief's sister had a machete in her mouth and was like, let's kill these fuckers.
03:13:26.000 And I'm like, why am I back here?
03:13:28.000 Why did they want to kill you?
03:13:30.000 Because they thought we were...
03:13:31.000 They wanted money.
03:13:32.000 And we had used all our...
03:13:34.000 We gave them all our money for filming rights.
03:13:36.000 And the sister was like, they have more.
03:13:39.000 Like, he was like the evil warlord of...
03:13:41.000 It wasn't the pygmies.
03:13:44.000 See?
03:13:44.000 No, but still...
03:13:45.000 Look, it's not...
03:13:46.000 You're looking at it, what makes you interesting, you're looking at it as a negative.
03:13:53.000 One of the things that makes you interesting is that you're a wild person who takes chances.
03:13:57.000 That's why I told you you should do a podcast.
03:14:00.000 Look, Joe, I... But Dave, it's not a bad thing.
03:14:03.000 All these things you're saying are not bad things.
03:14:05.000 Can it be both?
03:14:07.000 I don't know, man.
03:14:08.000 I mean, I think...
03:14:09.000 Can I teach you what I learned?
03:14:10.000 Yes.
03:14:13.000 The way I'm talking to you right now is how I talked coming into these loony bins that I've been to.
03:14:20.000 They're like, wow.
03:14:22.000 The way you talk is very black and white.
03:14:24.000 Fuck this.
03:14:25.000 This is bad.
03:14:26.000 This is the fucking bomb.
03:14:27.000 This is the shit.
03:14:28.000 This is lit.
03:14:29.000 This is fucking...
03:14:29.000 This is fire.
03:14:30.000 I don't even know why I said that.
03:14:31.000 I don't talk like that.
03:14:32.000 It's like...
03:14:34.000 I was in the parking lot in Koreatown and I'm like, I'm looking at the next generation of Koreans.
03:14:39.000 They got shit in their face.
03:14:41.000 I watched these two Korean kids talk to each other for 20 minutes and they only said, bruh, lit and fire.
03:14:41.000 They got piercings.
03:14:48.000 And I'm like, what the fuck did you guys just say?
03:14:51.000 Anyways, because of my religious background where it's heaven or hell, God's way or Satan, you kind of look at everything like that.
03:15:01.000 Joe Rogan is the best.
03:15:03.000 That podcast is the worst.
03:15:05.000 So you ask me right now, why do I look at it in this bad way?
03:15:08.000 And I go, can it be both?
03:15:10.000 Because you don't have a gray.
03:15:11.000 There's no 50 shades of gray.
03:15:13.000 It's just black and white.
03:15:14.000 It's only the best and the worst.
03:15:17.000 That's...
03:15:18.000 You feel something if you fucking come off a big win.
03:15:22.000 Yes!
03:15:23.000 I just won a shit ton of money in Vegas.
03:15:25.000 I did this, I did that.
03:15:26.000 Or, if you get cancelled.
03:15:28.000 But in here, in the middle, you feel nothing.
03:15:31.000 So you gotta go for the highs.
03:15:33.000 And usually, you feel more when you lose.
03:15:35.000 So you chase the lose.
03:15:37.000 You don't fucking get it.
03:15:39.000 Dave, you're gonna fuck it.
03:15:40.000 I like losing.
03:15:42.000 You don't fucking get it.
03:15:43.000 I like feeling shit.
03:15:44.000 You almost died in the Congo.
03:15:46.000 Why are you going back?
03:15:47.000 Because maybe they didn't get...
03:15:48.000 You get the thrill out of escaping the jaws of death.
03:15:53.000 There's something severely broken in me that I get a fix.
03:15:57.000 I get a hit.
03:15:58.000 And the thing is, you've heard heroin addicts that say, I get this high now just to feel even.
03:16:05.000 I don't even get high.
03:16:05.000 That's where I was at.
03:16:07.000 I'm fucking playing Angry Birds till my fucking finger is split open.
03:16:11.000 I'm fucking gambling.
03:16:13.000 But you're not saying current tense.
03:16:15.000 No, no, no.
03:16:17.000 I'm telling old stories, right?
03:16:18.000 I understand, but you're saying it now.
03:16:20.000 Right.
03:16:20.000 No, no, no, no.
03:16:22.000 I'm soft serve now.
03:16:23.000 I'm fucking smelling flowers.
03:16:26.000 You channel Dave of old.
03:16:29.000 That's another Dave that's inside of you.
03:16:31.000 Dave of old.
03:16:33.000 Hey, you're driving the bus right now?
03:16:34.000 You want to sit in the back?
03:16:35.000 Or you want to come back?
03:16:37.000 Come on, Dave of old.
03:16:38.000 You know what?
03:16:39.000 Jamie, you into dead air?
03:16:41.000 Can I just do 10 seconds to get back to...
03:16:44.000 Sure.
03:16:57.000 This is the weirdest podcast we've ever done.
03:17:00.000 Thank you.
03:17:00.000 Thank you so much.
03:17:02.000 Because I'm hyped up.
03:17:03.000 You saw that.
03:17:04.000 You saw old Dave come up.
03:17:05.000 And I want to amp it up.
03:17:07.000 I want to keep going high.
03:17:09.000 This is awesome, man.
03:17:10.000 So, I... I can't like you meet people and you're like you're wired this way and You can't teach an old dog new tricks and that's just Joe Rogan that you see today in his 30s and his 40s and 50s It's gonna still be that but a little different version of that when he's 56 and I meet these guys I mean most of these places are very expensive and the people that end up there are It's like everyone has cut them out so they have to be there
03:17:40.000 or they lost their job.
03:17:41.000 So I'm usually the youngest guy there.
03:17:43.000 I'm independently wealthy so I can pay for it.
03:17:45.000 And I'm looking at these guys that have everything.
03:17:49.000 They have all the money, all the fame, everything.
03:17:53.000 And they're successful only in their career.
03:17:55.000 Everything else they're a failure at.
03:17:57.000 Their kids hate them.
03:17:58.000 Their wives hate them.
03:17:59.000 And I go...
03:18:01.000 I gotta fucking...
03:18:05.000 I gotta rewire myself.
03:18:06.000 Like, I can't live like this because you go, why is this good or bad?
03:18:12.000 And I'm like, because I don't care if I live.
03:18:14.000 I'm ready to die.
03:18:16.000 I want to die.
03:18:17.000 Like, I... But wait a minute.
03:18:19.000 But you enjoy life.
03:18:20.000 Today I do.
03:18:22.000 Today I do.
03:18:22.000 Sometimes you don't.
03:18:23.000 In the time that you met me, I really probably didn't enjoy life so much.
03:18:27.000 It's more, everything feels like a chore.
03:18:30.000 Everything feels like I'm underwater.
03:18:32.000 Like now?
03:18:32.000 No, not now.
03:18:33.000 Now everything's good.
03:18:34.000 Now I do, like, so part of that is the thing, leaning into discomfort.
03:18:40.000 But what got you over the hump?
03:18:42.000 Like, there's a lot of people that have experienced what you're describing.
03:18:44.000 So what got you to the point where now it's all flowers and happy?
03:18:49.000 Friends.
03:18:50.000 Friends.
03:18:51.000 That is one of the most underappreciated recipes.
03:18:57.000 You have people that will die for you.
03:18:59.000 I have people that will die for me.
03:19:01.000 That is a fucking rare commodity in this world.
03:19:03.000 And when I say friends, I mean they left me.
03:19:08.000 I thought I was a genius.
03:19:10.000 I was like, whatever the shit you see with Kanye, that's what I thought.
03:19:14.000 I'm like, I'm a genius.
03:19:15.000 And there was the people that were like, you are a genius, Dave.
03:19:18.000 You are great.
03:19:19.000 And I go, you don't get it, dude.
03:19:20.000 I want to fucking die right now.
03:19:22.000 I want a cop to come out and shoot me because I'm fucking his wife right now.
03:19:26.000 That's what I want.
03:19:27.000 That's a fucking crazy story for the podcast, Dave.
03:19:30.000 I'm not living.
03:19:31.000 No one's home.
03:19:32.000 Hello?
03:19:33.000 No one's home.
03:19:34.000 So my friends say, we're done with you.
03:19:37.000 Wait, you're my homies.
03:19:38.000 Down for life, right?
03:19:39.000 Ride or die.
03:19:40.000 We're fucking done with you.
03:19:43.000 Who the fuck are we to you?
03:19:44.000 Who are we to you?
03:19:47.000 I have friends that I've known since I was 8 years old.
03:19:49.000 I'm 44 now.
03:19:50.000 My whole life they go...
03:19:51.000 And so in a moment of clarity, like the same way I didn't fucking kill the German guy, I go, wait.
03:19:56.000 Every person in my life that I chose to have a friendship with is telling me I'm an asshole.
03:20:02.000 That I'm not me anymore.
03:20:04.000 That I'm not making sense.
03:20:06.000 That I need help.
03:20:07.000 And the thing is, I know I need help, but I'm like...
03:20:11.000 Why did I get sent away when I was a kid?
03:20:14.000 There's three boys.
03:20:15.000 Why did I get sent away?
03:20:17.000 Because you are the most well behaved.
03:20:20.000 We didn't have enough money to raise three boys, so we sent you away because you didn't cry, you didn't cause problems.
03:20:26.000 So I'm a kid now.
03:20:27.000 I'm four years old when I get sent away.
03:20:29.000 How long did you get sent away for?
03:20:31.000 For one year to Korea.
03:20:33.000 I don't speak the language, I don't know who these people are, and there was no explanation.
03:20:39.000 I just woke up one day, I'm having the best time with my brothers and they're like, bye!
03:20:43.000 My mom's crying, like, why are you crying, bitch?
03:20:45.000 What the fuck's going on?
03:20:46.000 Bye!
03:20:47.000 I'm all of a sudden in this smelly country, and so I'm like, I'm trash.
03:20:53.000 I'm trash.
03:20:54.000 I'm fucking worthless.
03:20:56.000 You don't give a shit.
03:20:57.000 And nobody explained to you what was happening?
03:20:59.000 Nobody explained.
03:20:59.000 Nobody explained shit.
03:21:01.000 So now I'm wired.
03:21:02.000 When they do explain, oh, when you get sent away, Because you're good.
03:21:09.000 Good behavior is punished.
03:21:12.000 Why didn't my brother get sent away?
03:21:14.000 He was crazy.
03:21:15.000 He was a problem child.
03:21:17.000 He was like Chucky.
03:21:18.000 What did they send you away to do?
03:21:20.000 What did you do when you got to Korea?
03:21:22.000 It was just to live with my uncles and my aunts and just to have other families support me because my parents weren't doing too well financially.
03:21:30.000 So then the whole concept of nice guys finish last, right?
03:21:35.000 So I'm this quiet Asian guy and you could just say whatever you- he's a pushover.
03:21:35.000 Right.
03:21:39.000 You keep getting fucked over.
03:21:40.000 You keep fucked over, fucked over.
03:21:42.000 The guy with the eyes outside the- Then I get out of jail.
03:21:45.000 What do I get?
03:21:45.000 Sold out show in New York City.
03:21:48.000 Dave Cho says whatever the fuck he wants, does whatever.
03:21:51.000 The worst I act...
03:21:52.000 Look at what's happening to Trump right now, Kanye.
03:21:56.000 You act as shitty as you can and you get fucking gap deals and presidencies and you never fucking apologize.
03:22:04.000 You never...
03:22:05.000 Calm down, Dave.
03:22:06.000 Calm down.
03:22:07.000 The Dave of old.
03:22:09.000 So my thinking is...
03:22:12.000 Acting right, acting like the model minority, acting like the good little Asian boy got me nowhere.
03:22:18.000 When I talk a fool, when I do whatever the fuck I want, when I fuck, when I fight, when I gamble, when I act crazy, I get television deals, I get on Howard Stern, I get on fucking Joe Rogan, I get fucking sold-out art shows, women...
03:22:31.000 Okay, let me pause you.
03:22:32.000 Okay.
03:22:32.000 Do you think that you are the victim of the attention that you were getting?
03:22:37.000 Do you think you leaned into it and it became who you decided you were because that was giving you the most love and people got a kick out of the fact that you genuinely didn't give a fuck.
03:22:48.000 So you just leaned into that.
03:22:50.000 So it changed you.
03:22:51.000 Absolutely that, but it's more nuanced than that.
03:22:54.000 It's everything.
03:22:55.000 I'm already mentally unstable.
03:22:57.000 The four-year-old thing, man, that's it.
03:22:59.000 That's the gasoline that was poured all over you.
03:23:05.000 So things don't make sense to me.
03:23:07.000 They can't make sense to you, man.
03:23:08.000 And as an adult, I go, I have wealth.
03:23:11.000 I have money.
03:23:12.000 I know famous people who have wealth.
03:23:15.000 Why?
03:23:16.000 We know the story.
03:23:17.000 Rich, famous, fucking blow your brains out.
03:23:20.000 Hang yourself.
03:23:21.000 We know that story.
03:23:22.000 You're alive right now.
03:23:23.000 It doesn't have to ever go down that way.
03:23:25.000 But the one thing that you've got to know is you can't fix any of the shit that happened to you.
03:23:32.000 That's a real problem.
03:23:34.000 Because the shit that happened to you was titanic.
03:23:37.000 For that to happen to you at four years of age, as you're growing up and developing, to hit a horrible situation like that at four, Through no fault of your own.
03:23:48.000 All of it makes sense.
03:23:50.000 It's what we were talking about, that everybody doesn't starve from the same spot.
03:23:54.000 You know?
03:23:55.000 And it's what makes, unfortunately, it's what makes people so goddamn interesting sometimes too.
03:24:01.000 Whether it's Joey Diaz, or whether it's you, or most of my friends that are really interesting had these fucked up lives that you would never want to wish upon your kids.
03:24:09.000 But see, when you say that, I hear that and I love and respect you.
03:24:14.000 So I go, this is just how I feel.
03:24:17.000 I go, Joe loves me because I'm weird and I'm interesting.
03:24:21.000 And for me...
03:24:21.000 No, no, no.
03:24:22.000 No, I'm saying how I receive it.
03:24:23.000 And I need to stay fucked up to be interesting.
03:24:23.000 I understand that.
03:24:27.000 For me to get help, who can I look to?
03:24:30.000 Who navigated their way out of this jungle?
03:24:33.000 Who did it right?
03:24:34.000 Who can I look up to go, man, that guy was wild, crazy.
03:24:37.000 He did all this crazy shit.
03:24:38.000 He got rich and famous and whatever.
03:24:40.000 And then he sailed half...
03:24:41.000 Like, where can I find that?
03:24:43.000 And I go, no, I just accept...
03:24:46.000 I'm not...
03:24:48.000 Yes, I've had suicidal ideation.
03:24:50.000 Yes, I'm fucking mentally disturbed.
03:24:52.000 Yes, I've had to go to jail and lock myself up many times, but at least I'm rich.
03:24:58.000 Let me stop you again.
03:24:59.000 Here's the thing to concentrate on.
03:25:01.000 What is the goal?
03:25:02.000 If the goal is to be happy, The problem is a lot of people are doing things to be successful because they think becoming successful is what makes you happy.
03:25:11.000 It doesn't always.
03:25:13.000 Sometimes you feel empty and you feel angry that you spend all your time working for something that you don't even appreciate when it's over.
03:25:20.000 But you're on paper, you're successful.
03:25:22.000 That's not really successful.
03:25:23.000 Can I tell you a story of how I got better?
03:25:26.000 Let me hold you on one second.
03:25:28.000 This is what I want to get to.
03:25:29.000 Some people are happy.
03:25:31.000 Right?
03:25:32.000 Can we say that?
03:25:34.000 Do you think there's a percentage of this population that's happy?
03:25:37.000 Some people are happy.
03:25:40.000 Yes, of course.
03:25:40.000 Some people are happy.
03:25:41.000 Okay.
03:25:42.000 There's no characteristics that exclude you from that group.
03:25:46.000 You could also be happy.
03:25:48.000 And I say this to anybody.
03:25:49.000 Anybody who's been happy.
03:25:51.000 But how, Joe?
03:25:53.000 This is what you got to do.
03:25:54.000 Concentrate on what it is, first of all, that makes you happy.
03:25:58.000 And I guarantee you, for a big part of it, for a lot of people, is their physical health.
03:26:01.000 Improve your physical health, you'll improve your enthusiasm, you'll improve your energy, and you'll improve your ability to do other things.
03:26:10.000 You'll be happier.
03:26:12.000 Right.
03:26:13.000 Do what you're doing.
03:26:14.000 You've already gone onto this great path where you've changed basically who you are.
03:26:19.000 You've become like this guy who's more introspective.
03:26:22.000 Can I tell you, just growing up in America, part of being a man, because someone asked me, where's your idea of a man come from?
03:26:30.000 I go from Clint Eastwood watching guy movies growing up, you know, the way Korean men are so macho.
03:26:38.000 And so that's in me.
03:26:40.000 And what is that?
03:26:40.000 Right.
03:26:42.000 What is being a man?
03:26:42.000 It's like, shut the fuck up and handle your business.
03:26:45.000 Don't ask for help.
03:26:46.000 Korean Asians, we don't like asking for help.
03:26:46.000 Yes.
03:26:49.000 We never ask for help.
03:26:51.000 And so when I tell you that I've been to every fucking mental health institution and like there's sick people all over the country and the world...
03:27:00.000 I never saw one fucking Asian guy until I saw one.
03:27:04.000 For fucking five years, I'm going to all these places, and I'm thinking...
03:27:07.000 They just don't ask for help.
03:27:08.000 They don't ask for help.
03:27:09.000 You just suffer silently.
03:27:11.000 There's people listening right now that are suffering...
03:27:14.000 Because you know what they do?
03:27:16.000 The story I've just told you right now, I wasn't able to say that for years because I made trauma a competition.
03:27:22.000 Big fucking deal.
03:27:23.000 You left.
03:27:24.000 Your parents sent you away.
03:27:25.000 You weren't starving in Korea.
03:27:27.000 I'm like, I'm four years old, dude.
03:27:29.000 I don't know where my fucking parents are.
03:27:30.000 Yeah, but your grandpa, he has this big ginseng farm.
03:27:32.000 You're having a nice life out there.
03:27:35.000 Okay, you know what?
03:27:36.000 There's someone else down the street getting fucking molested, getting beaten.
03:27:41.000 Everyone tries to do this, like, hierarchy of, like, I got it this bad.
03:27:45.000 Shut the fuck up.
03:27:45.000 Who are you?
03:27:46.000 And I go, but everyone's pain is maximum to them, right?
03:27:50.000 Everyone's maximum pain is.
03:27:52.000 Right.
03:27:52.000 So when you're getting hurt, when someone's doing this, and to someone, they're like, big deal.
03:27:57.000 That doesn't hurt my feelings.
03:27:58.000 And I go, but to me, it does.
03:28:00.000 I'm not thinking, well, you know, there's people getting killed in the streets right now, so I have no...
03:28:04.000 I'll say that to myself.
03:28:06.000 There's people getting killed in the streets right now.
03:28:08.000 So just because one guy said, go back to where you come from, I have no...
03:28:11.000 I'm going to quiet up.
03:28:12.000 Zip.
03:28:13.000 I'm not going to say anything because what is that?
03:28:15.000 That's a, oh, you hurt me with your words?
03:28:15.000 That's nothing.
03:28:17.000 But I go, but it did.
03:28:19.000 Your words hurt me.
03:28:20.000 And, well, you're not allowed to feel that.
03:28:22.000 And yet I do.
03:28:23.000 I feel shit.
03:28:24.000 And my whole fucking life is reactionary to stop that by building walls and come up with these coping mechanisms.
03:28:31.000 And I go...
03:28:33.000 Teach me.
03:28:34.000 I want to fucking learn.
03:28:35.000 And they go, you're not gonna like it.
03:28:37.000 And you already know, because I already talked about here, step one was I was like, I'll do anything.
03:28:42.000 And they're like, it's not gonna happen overnight.
03:28:44.000 And then someone said, there is something that will happen overnight.
03:28:47.000 I'm like, I'm in.
03:28:47.000 Ayahuasca.
03:28:48.000 I'm an addict.
03:28:49.000 I want it quick.
03:28:51.000 I love you because you do fucking psychedelics.
03:28:54.000 I don't know what kind of person you would be if you didn't.
03:28:57.000 It changed my life.
03:28:58.000 I did ayahuasca when I was 35 years old, so almost nine years ago.
03:29:03.000 It fucking the the trip I had in the jungle in Colombia and they told me this isn't gonna change your life But it'll kick the doors open for you to begin to become a different person and We're sitting here.
03:29:15.000 We're sitting on fucking microphones.
03:29:17.000 There's this and this there's other dimensions.
03:29:19.000 There's shit and it's like I can't I'm I'm telling you I agree with everything you said I when I exercise I feel great when but I there's something I I'm an addict.
03:29:29.000 I'm a fucked up.
03:29:30.000 I can't But teach me I need something besides and this is why I said when I listen to all the motivational stuff and I and I get fired up I go yeah if I just fucking got up and push myself and I go but that's not me I Need something more and I'm gonna fucking be curious.
03:29:48.000 I'm gonna search and so I get to a place where they go Dave you turn everything into a joke you lie a lot right starting with What's an every guy answer to how are you doing?
03:30:04.000 I don't care if your dad just died or you just got a divorce.
03:30:07.000 Okay.
03:30:07.000 Great.
03:30:07.000 Great.
03:30:08.000 Right?
03:30:09.000 Okay is not a feeling.
03:30:10.000 Good is not a feeling.
03:30:11.000 Something horrible.
03:30:12.000 I could have had the worst day right now and if you asked me how are you doing, I'd say, good.
03:30:15.000 I'm okay.
03:30:16.000 And that would be a lie.
03:30:18.000 So I go, what?
03:30:20.000 I'm gonna go to a place in Mississippi.
03:30:22.000 I'm not gonna say the name.
03:30:23.000 I don't know if there's like lawsuit shit, but I went there and it's a mandatory place For crooked judges, Congress, doctors, lawyers, and they have to be there, and they have to relearn,
03:30:40.000 rewire, or else they don't get their licenses back to practice.
03:30:45.000 And I was the only one there by choice.
03:30:48.000 I didn't have to be there.
03:30:50.000 And so I get there, and they go, why are you here?
03:30:51.000 And I go, I can't stop thinking a certain way.
03:30:54.000 I can't stop lying.
03:30:56.000 I can't stop exaggerating.
03:30:57.000 I can't stop storytelling.
03:30:58.000 I can't stop, period.
03:31:01.000 I have uncontrollable behavior.
03:31:03.000 I'm impulsive, and I don't like who I am, and I'm suicidal at times.
03:31:07.000 And they go, we're going to do something here.
03:31:12.000 So they took the yellow stick-it pads, and they wrote...
03:31:18.000 No joking.
03:31:19.000 So they put one on here, and here, and they go, no more joking.
03:31:24.000 And they taught me different ways to, like...
03:31:26.000 That guy sounds like a bummer.
03:31:28.000 Total bummer, and they can act like...
03:31:31.000 No joking?
03:31:31.000 They go, we know that this place that you're at right now is not how the real world exists, but while you're here, and by the way, you can leave at any time, we're gonna ask you to change your behavior.
03:31:44.000 So, what was the problem they had with you joking?
03:31:47.000 That was your defense mechanism for handling anything?
03:31:49.000 Every fucking serious thing?
03:31:50.000 Right.
03:31:51.000 Oh, here's a fucking...
03:31:52.000 I was better at the comeback.
03:31:54.000 Well, I told you before, when I saw you do that thing in LA, that you did at UCLA, I'm like, you could be a comic.
03:31:59.000 You 100% could be a comic.
03:32:01.000 You have a comics mentality, you're fucked up like a comic, you have crazy ideas like a comic, and you're insightful.
03:32:08.000 You're a smart guy.
03:32:09.000 You'd be really good at it.
03:32:11.000 Thank you for saying that.
03:32:13.000 There's comics you meet in life.
03:32:13.000 100%.
03:32:15.000 Obviously, you're a multifaceted guy.
03:32:17.000 You can do a lot of different things.
03:32:18.000 You're a great artist.
03:32:19.000 You can do whatever you want.
03:32:20.000 But there's something about comics that never became comics.
03:32:25.000 There's a lot of them.
03:32:26.000 I worked for one at one point in time.
03:32:28.000 I worked for a private investigator.
03:32:30.000 Dave Dolan, the most fucking hilarious guy I've ever met in my life, totally was a comic, just never did comedy.
03:32:35.000 I met a bunch of guys like that.
03:32:37.000 We're totally comics.
03:32:38.000 They just never found comedy.
03:32:39.000 Like, if they did, they'd be one of us.
03:32:41.000 They'd be hanging out in the back of the comedy store.
03:32:42.000 Can you admit that you can draw, like, relatively good?
03:32:45.000 Yeah, I can draw relatively good.
03:32:46.000 Okay, so you know, through everything else you've achieved in your life, if you practiced, you'd be awesome at it.
03:32:52.000 But you said the same thing.
03:32:54.000 That's funny, Dave.
03:32:55.000 You're going to keep asking me to paint.
03:32:56.000 I'm not going to do it.
03:32:57.000 I know who I am.
03:32:58.000 I get obsessed and whatever.
03:33:00.000 When I walked off the stage at UCLA, I did two hours improv and I invited Harris Whittles, rest in peace, he's not here anymore.
03:33:09.000 I invited comic writers and I said...
03:33:11.000 Shoot me straight.
03:33:12.000 Like, don't do the, like, Dave, you were great.
03:33:14.000 They were like, you fucking killed.
03:33:17.000 You've never done comedy before and you killed for two hours.
03:33:20.000 There's some rusty parts, but if you just kept the reps in, and then similarly, I've always, always wanted to be in a band, right?
03:33:29.000 So MCA from Beastie Boys passes away, and then Money Mark, who's been touring with them for 20 years, is out of work.
03:33:35.000 He's a friend of mine.
03:33:36.000 And I'm like, I've known you for a while.
03:33:38.000 Why don't we fucking make a band?
03:33:40.000 I formed the band Mongchi with Bobby Lee's brother Steve Lee as the singer and Money Mark.
03:33:46.000 We fucking tour the US and we sell out like two small like two, three hundred seater clubs and every fucking high school like rock band fantasy is fulfilled and at our last show I think Bill Burr was there.
03:34:01.000 I'm like we're playing here in Los Globos in Silver Lake And I'm playing to this sold out 200, it's all my friends, my family, there's comedians, there's porn stars, and there's like a super famous, you know, one of the most famous rock band lead singers in the audience,
03:34:16.000 and he's like, can I talk to you after the show?
03:34:18.000 I'm like, yeah.
03:34:19.000 And he's like, I play to like 20, 30,000 seat stadium people now, and what you just took me back to was our first days when we started, I would do anything for that.
03:34:31.000 And I sat there and I was like, wait.
03:34:33.000 Joe Rogan told me, like, I don't think he's bullshitting.
03:34:36.000 He thinks I could really do this comedy thing.
03:34:38.000 I felt like on fire when I was on stage.
03:34:41.000 This guy's telling me if I just keep touring and I keep putting out videos that at some point I'll be selling out 500, 1000 in five years.
03:34:49.000 And I go, I love playing music.
03:34:51.000 I love comedy.
03:34:53.000 And I think I've tasted just enough where I don't want to fuck...
03:34:58.000 These things take time, man, to fucking perfect it and craft it.
03:35:01.000 You've done this for thousands of hours.
03:35:03.000 I said, and this is all after I've done a lot of work on myself, I'm like, I'm going to walk away from this.
03:35:11.000 As someone who doesn't know how to say no, and I have that overachieving attitude, I'm like, why not?
03:35:21.000 Did you have a good time on stage doing that?
03:35:23.000 Yeah, I loved it.
03:35:24.000 Did you love when people laughed?
03:35:25.000 Yeah, it was like a drug.
03:35:26.000 I felt it.
03:35:28.000 Do you want to keep doing that and the torture of coming up with new material and the bands if you don't...
03:35:34.000 I'm like, I know myself well enough now that I'm going to stick to one thing at a time.
03:35:43.000 I'm gonna tell you this story, and I could tell you jail stories, porn stories, I have all these stories, but the fucking weirdest shit that I've ever done in my life was to go to this place, and it's like an intensive outpatient place, so I have an apartment with a roommate.
03:35:57.000 I haven't been a fucking roommate in years.
03:35:59.000 And they go, in the time that you're here, once again, voluntarily, you can leave at any time.
03:36:04.000 We're going to ask you to fucking do everything you say.
03:36:07.000 It's counterintuitive to who you are and the way you're wired.
03:36:10.000 But we're going to ask you to tell the truth.
03:36:13.000 And just fucking, and I go, yeah, sure, I can do that.
03:36:17.000 I don't even, I haven't even checked into my apartment.
03:36:20.000 I'm opening the door.
03:36:21.000 I go in.
03:36:22.000 There is a man that's obesely overweight sitting on a couch in his fucking tidy- He looks like he's naked because his gut is covering his white underwear.
03:36:30.000 And he's watching Walter White.
03:36:31.000 I see Walter White.
03:36:32.000 He's watching Breaking Bad.
03:36:33.000 And he's on the couch like this.
03:36:36.000 Are you my new roommate?
03:36:38.000 Don't tell on me.
03:36:38.000 Don't tell on me.
03:36:40.000 Bro, I don't even fucking know you.
03:36:42.000 Don't tell on you what?
03:36:44.000 I like to do meth and get really fucked up and go to bathhouses and let Mexican guys suck my dick.
03:36:50.000 And I'm like, whoa, shit.
03:36:52.000 And this guy, I don't know where he's from.
03:36:54.000 Specifically?
03:36:56.000 They had to be Mexican.
03:36:57.000 We got into it later.
03:36:58.000 His name was Paco.
03:36:59.000 He's like, Mexican guys.
03:37:00.000 And I take my stomach, and they have to find my dick, and I hit their head with my stomach when I... Whoa.
03:37:05.000 I go, that's a fetish.
03:37:07.000 Right.
03:37:08.000 And I go, this guy sounds like he wants to get caught.
03:37:12.000 I'm like, don't tell on me.
03:37:14.000 And so what do I... I go, yeah, okay, fine, whatever.
03:37:17.000 So the next day, we go into the rooms, and every morning starts with community.
03:37:21.000 We sit in the circle here, and it's like, does anyone have any agenda items they want to put in?
03:37:26.000 And I go, you know what?
03:37:28.000 I got on a fucking plane to come to Mississippi.
03:37:30.000 I paid the money.
03:37:32.000 I raise my hand.
03:37:34.000 Let's call this guy Walter, because I was watching Walter White.
03:37:37.000 That's not his name.
03:37:38.000 I go, Walter was watching Breaking Bad.
03:37:41.000 This guy...
03:37:42.000 What the fuck, Dave?
03:37:44.000 What the fuck's your problem?
03:37:45.000 I thought we were roommates.
03:37:46.000 I thought you were my homie.
03:37:48.000 That's not how he talks.
03:37:49.000 He talks more.
03:37:50.000 What the hell, Dave?
03:37:50.000 Right.
03:37:51.000 What the fuck you doing, man?
03:37:53.000 And I go, I'm here.
03:37:56.000 I'm a fucking rat.
03:37:58.000 I go, this is not how I talk back at home.
03:38:01.000 I don't tell on people.
03:38:02.000 It's like, I don't give a shit.
03:38:03.000 You go, we know, Dave.
03:38:06.000 Just while you're here, we're going to train you and then whatever sticks.
03:38:10.000 We want you to be about your word when you say something.
03:38:12.000 And I go, I don't see how this is helping me.
03:38:15.000 You're severe codependent.
03:38:18.000 You don't know how to show up for yourself.
03:38:20.000 You don't know how to say no.
03:38:21.000 People just take and take.
03:38:23.000 People run over you.
03:38:24.000 We're teaching you how to stand up for yourself.
03:38:26.000 I'm a fucking grown man.
03:38:27.000 I need to learn how to...
03:38:28.000 Yes!
03:38:29.000 Yes!
03:38:30.000 You weren't taught this.
03:38:31.000 You weren't taught this shit.
03:38:33.000 You learned from movies.
03:38:34.000 Your dad, he doesn't speak the language perfectly.
03:38:37.000 You don't have any fucking...
03:38:38.000 No one taught you these simple things.
03:38:40.000 How to show up for yourself.
03:38:41.000 How to stand up for yourself.
03:38:43.000 I go, oh fuck.
03:38:44.000 And this guy's huge.
03:38:45.000 He's like an obese guy.
03:38:48.000 And immediately I have to apologize.
03:38:50.000 Sorry, man.
03:38:51.000 I'm not sorry.
03:38:52.000 That's what I'm here for.
03:38:53.000 But I have to have him like me.
03:38:54.000 So the session, the class ends and I go, sorry, dude.
03:38:57.000 Sorry, Walter.
03:38:57.000 I'm sorry.
03:38:58.000 Why'd you do that, Dave?
03:38:59.000 I thought we were friends.
03:39:00.000 I'm like, dude, I'm here.
03:39:02.000 I'm trying to get better.
03:39:03.000 And I go, I have these things on my legs that say no joking.
03:39:07.000 And I go, oh, I got to crack a joke with this guy.
03:39:09.000 I got to fucking like make him like me again.
03:39:11.000 I go, how do you wipe your ass, dude?
03:39:14.000 I'm like, what are you talking about?
03:39:15.000 Because we have a tiny shower.
03:39:16.000 And he's fucking humongous.
03:39:18.000 He's like morbidly obese.
03:39:20.000 He's like, Dave, man.
03:39:22.000 No one ever asks me questions like this, man.
03:39:25.000 Are you my friend?
03:39:26.000 And this guy is...
03:39:28.000 This guy in his regular life was like a high power something like in government.
03:39:34.000 What?
03:39:35.000 Yeah.
03:39:35.000 Wait a minute.
03:39:37.000 He's doing meth?
03:39:38.000 He's morbidly obese?
03:39:39.000 Yeah.
03:39:40.000 And he has a high power position in government?
03:39:42.000 He's...
03:39:44.000 Let's just say he's a professional.
03:39:45.000 Okay.
03:39:46.000 And so I've never been to a place like this where every person there, no matter what you say, they put you on a lie detector at the end of the week.
03:39:54.000 They go, cool.
03:39:55.000 Cool story.
03:39:56.000 And I'm like, wow.
03:39:58.000 They want to hold you accountable.
03:40:00.000 They really, really want to...
03:40:02.000 You got to be on...
03:40:03.000 So...
03:40:05.000 So I'm like and then so I become friends with this guy over the week and like I'm like okay cool I hope he still likes me and he goes Dave you're not like anyone else here Everyone else here is like some kind of professional and like you got the weird hair you dress like a homeless guy like Are you famous or something?
03:40:22.000 I feel like I've seen you somewhere and I'm like no and I had just taken a class on how to Hold a boundary and stand up for myself.
03:40:29.000 I said Walter While we're here together, I'm going to ask you, just know me as David, your roommate.
03:40:38.000 And if you want to Google me when we leave here, and the thing is, everyone has different privileges.
03:40:43.000 One of his is he doesn't have a phone, so he couldn't look me up or whatever.
03:40:47.000 I'm going to ask you, this is my boundary.
03:40:51.000 Please just know me as your roommate.
03:40:52.000 And if you want to look me up when I leave, you know, it's like, okay, I could do that.
03:40:56.000 I get home that night.
03:40:59.000 I fucking knew I saw you on TV, man.
03:41:01.000 You're the Facebook guy.
03:41:03.000 You're the fuck, you know.
03:41:05.000 So my normal, okay, cool, whatever.
03:41:08.000 I asked you.
03:41:09.000 You didn't do it.
03:41:10.000 And I go to my room.
03:41:13.000 And I'm like, fuck, man, that really chaps my heart.
03:41:16.000 You know, I'm like, I asked you.
03:41:18.000 And then now he has all the questions.
03:41:20.000 Man, you're rich.
03:41:21.000 I read this story about you.
03:41:23.000 Why do you have a fucking roommate?
03:41:25.000 That's part of the thing.
03:41:26.000 I know.
03:41:26.000 That's what I'm saying for him.
03:41:28.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
03:41:28.000 Why don't you have a fucking roommate, man?
03:41:31.000 And I sit in my room and I go, once again, I'm here.
03:41:39.000 Why don't I just experience this fully?
03:41:43.000 So I go out in the other room and I go, hey, Walter.
03:41:46.000 I asked you today not to do that and I'm like kind of shaking because like I don't talk to people this way.
03:41:52.000 I just bury shit.
03:41:54.000 I just like let things go and I get turned into a passive-aggressive person.
03:41:58.000 So I go, tomorrow at community, I'm gonna have to call you.
03:42:02.000 But please, please don't.
03:42:04.000 Please don't do that.
03:42:05.000 Come on.
03:42:05.000 And actually he went to anger first.
03:42:08.000 He's like his build is like this giant guy and he's hitting the table his foot.
03:42:12.000 Dave, what the fuck man?
03:42:13.000 I'm one week away.
03:42:14.000 Don't One week away from what?
03:42:16.000 From getting out.
03:42:17.000 He was almost done.
03:42:18.000 By the way, what does time feel like to you right now?
03:42:21.000 Like, is it going fast or slow?
03:42:23.000 It's regular.
03:42:24.000 Must be slow as fuck in there.
03:42:27.000 Well, the way people are explaining this pandemic or the quarantine, I'm like, this is jail time.
03:42:32.000 Like, when people are, like, waiting for, when am I going to get out?
03:42:35.000 And when do you get out?
03:42:38.000 When you're on good behavior.
03:42:38.000 When does society get out?
03:42:40.000 When you're on good behavior.
03:42:41.000 When you do what you're told.
03:42:42.000 Yeah.
03:42:42.000 And when you're on bad behavior, stay longer.
03:42:44.000 Oh my God, we're going to close the bars down again.
03:42:48.000 So he goes, he starts getting really physically threatening.
03:42:52.000 And part of what I love about wearing masks now is, I don't know what your interaction with your fans and public have been since you've become famous, is people try to break my hand when they shake my hand.
03:43:03.000 Do they really?
03:43:04.000 They try to break my hand or they think they're going to have more impact if they talk close to my face.
03:43:09.000 So they try to crush your fingers?
03:43:10.000 They do this, what's up, man?
03:43:11.000 And then they hold it, and then I, you know, normal, and then they hold on to it, and they do a little squeeze at the end.
03:43:16.000 I go, what the dick flexing shit was that, you know?
03:43:19.000 Weird flex, bro.
03:43:20.000 And so, and then people do the close face talking, and I hate, so this guy's like, you know, he's using his girth to just like, intimidate you.
03:43:29.000 And I'm like, and I'm like, this is during Corona or no?
03:43:32.000 No, this is like years ago.
03:43:35.000 And I say, you know what I would love, Walter?
03:43:39.000 If you told on yourself.
03:43:40.000 If I didn't have to.
03:43:41.000 Because that's one thing you could do.
03:43:44.000 And he gets really angry and then he calms down.
03:43:47.000 And he goes, I'm going to do it, Dave.
03:43:51.000 I'm going to do it.
03:43:51.000 I'm like, yes, fuck yeah.
03:43:53.000 I'm changing as a person.
03:43:55.000 I'm learning skills.
03:43:55.000 I'm learning tools.
03:43:57.000 We go to community the next morning.
03:43:59.000 And I'm waiting.
03:44:01.000 We're going in a circle.
03:44:02.000 And I'm like, fuck dude, do it.
03:44:04.000 I don't want to call you out, bro.
03:44:05.000 And he goes...
03:44:06.000 Yeah, I got something I want to put on the agenda this morning.
03:44:10.000 I had an interaction with one of the other patients here, and we worked it out, and I'm going to take care of it.
03:44:18.000 And I was like, what?
03:44:19.000 What the fuck was that?
03:44:20.000 And I go, hold up, hold up.
03:44:22.000 Hey, Walter fucking, I asked him not to Google me, and the therapists are like, that's a complete violation of the anonymity rights here, and da-da-da-da.
03:44:31.000 And he's like...
03:44:34.000 And now all the information.
03:44:35.000 This is your 12th time fucking violating a patient's...
03:44:39.000 He tried to fuck the roommate that was in the room before me.
03:44:43.000 The guy was sad and he was giving him a hug and he tried to finger his butthole when he was giving him a hug.
03:44:48.000 He doesn't have phone privileges, so he asked another patient, can I use your phone to call my wife?
03:44:54.000 He calls his wife.
03:44:56.000 And then that's what he says.
03:44:58.000 And then he gives the thing back to the phone to the other patient.
03:45:01.000 And then 10 minutes later, he starts getting dick pics from Paco, his Mexican boyfriend, that he only fucks when he's on meth, right?
03:45:07.000 I'm not gay.
03:45:08.000 Only when I'm on meth.
03:45:09.000 And so I'm like, fuck, this guy hates me.
03:45:13.000 But I'm like, no, he's breaking bad.
03:45:16.000 He's out of control.
03:45:17.000 And I go, oh, fuck.
03:45:19.000 And he's not on meth while he's in that house.
03:45:21.000 No, no.
03:45:22.000 Well, I don't know.
03:45:23.000 He might have been.
03:45:24.000 Because he's acting like methed up.
03:45:26.000 So they're like, that was your last strike.
03:45:28.000 You're out of here.
03:45:29.000 And pack your bags and, you know, your wife's gonna pick you up tomorrow morning.
03:45:32.000 And I'm like...
03:45:33.000 So I go...
03:45:34.000 This is me.
03:45:35.000 I'm like, I did the right thing.
03:45:36.000 And I go immediately to shame and guilt.
03:45:39.000 I'm like, fuck.
03:45:39.000 I take the...
03:45:41.000 I become...
03:45:42.000 It's my fault.
03:45:43.000 He's getting kicked out because of me.
03:45:44.000 Like, oh, fuck.
03:45:47.000 And I raise my hand again.
03:45:48.000 I go, I don't feel safe sleeping in that room tonight.
03:45:51.000 Can I... Oh, some other guy's like, yeah, you could crash on our couch.
03:45:54.000 And I go, okay.
03:45:56.000 So I'm like, wow, this is crazy.
03:45:59.000 Like, I'm standing up for myself.
03:46:00.000 I haven't ever done this.
03:46:02.000 I haven't ever spoken this way.
03:46:03.000 And I kind of get what's happening.
03:46:05.000 If I could learn how to speak like this to strangers, maybe I can come home and finally talk to my mom and have a boundary with my parents.
03:46:15.000 Asian parents are fucking boundaryless, you know?
03:46:18.000 So that night, I'm like, fuck, I could get my toothbrush.
03:46:22.000 I get some stuff in the room.
03:46:24.000 And my friend's like, dude, we'll go get it somewhere else.
03:46:28.000 Why are you playing with fire again?
03:46:29.000 I'm like, because I like it when it hurts.
03:46:31.000 And they're like, dude, the guy is totally made up in his mind.
03:46:35.000 He's getting kicked out because of you.
03:46:36.000 I just got to go to my room, and I just got to get my toothbrush and a workbook and something.
03:46:41.000 And they're like, don't do it, don't do it.
03:46:42.000 I'm like, I have to.
03:46:43.000 And it's like, do you?
03:46:44.000 Do you have to?
03:46:46.000 I'm like, okay, maybe I don't have to.
03:46:47.000 So I go up.
03:46:48.000 He's like, I'll just wait here in case something goes bad because that guy can get violent.
03:46:52.000 And I go in the room and he's sitting there and he's like stewing.
03:46:55.000 He's like stewing and he's like watching like the final episode of Breaking Bad.
03:46:59.000 And I'm like, hey, what's up, man?
03:47:01.000 And I'm just like sort of go to my room, get my shit.
03:47:04.000 And then I had to do it.
03:47:06.000 Like I'm almost out the door.
03:47:09.000 And he's like, I was trying to guilt me.
03:47:13.000 I was almost out of here, Dave.
03:47:14.000 You had to do it, huh?
03:47:15.000 And I was like, look, man, I don't know you.
03:47:18.000 We've known each other for like a week.
03:47:19.000 Like, I don't have anything against you.
03:47:21.000 I'm just trying to get better.
03:47:23.000 I'm a sick person.
03:47:24.000 I can say that.
03:47:25.000 I had a hard time saying that.
03:47:27.000 I had no voice.
03:47:27.000 I'm a sick person and I'm willing.
03:47:30.000 I'm fucking helpless right now.
03:47:32.000 I'm desperate.
03:47:33.000 I'm going to do anything right now to fucking get better.
03:47:36.000 So if it means I got a tell on you for Googling me, if I got a tell on you for watching Breaking Bad because you like to do meth and suck Mexican guys' dicks and vice versa.
03:47:46.000 And so I get a little cocky.
03:47:48.000 I get a little...
03:47:48.000 And I go, same thing like the hitchhiking.
03:47:50.000 Like I know I'm never going to see this guy again.
03:47:52.000 I go, hey, Walter.
03:47:54.000 You've told me the whole time we were here, you always gotta end shit with, I'm not gay, but I'm not gay.
03:48:00.000 Did you ever think...
03:48:02.000 That maybe instead of like hiding who you are, finally divorcing your wife and like, you can go to like the gay parade and wear crazy shit and just be out.
03:48:11.000 You don't have to, because his whole thing is I only do it when I'm on meth.
03:48:14.000 You don't have to use, hide behind meth anymore.
03:48:17.000 And he chuckled a little bit and like in my head I'm like, oh cool, I'm like maybe making, maybe some of these words are getting in.
03:48:22.000 And he's like, alright.
03:48:25.000 And so I felt good, like it felt like, so I leave and then I stayed at this place for six more months.
03:48:31.000 And during this time I got to like learn and become like a better version of myself and learn new tools and like even these people forgot how to have fun.
03:48:45.000 They're like lawyers and doctors and it's like entitlement out the roof.
03:48:49.000 They're all the super best at their job.
03:48:52.000 The best lawyer, the best doctor, the best...
03:48:54.000 So they're used to like playing God and saving people's lives and people just catering to them.
03:48:58.000 So they have...
03:48:59.000 They're all Breaking Bad.
03:49:01.000 They're all Walter White's.
03:49:02.000 They just...
03:49:03.000 We're here as adults being trained and I'm like, I'm gonna teach these fuckers how to have fun.
03:49:08.000 So I'm like making little scavenger hunts for them and they like love me.
03:49:13.000 They're like, Dave is the best.
03:49:14.000 He's teaching me how to be a kid again.
03:49:15.000 I'm doing scavenger hunts all across Walmart and Sam's Club.
03:49:19.000 I'm teaching people how to like make sculptures out of aluminum foil left over from lunch.
03:49:23.000 And people, grown people are crying.
03:49:26.000 They're like, Dave, I haven't had this much fun since I was like, my dad beat me into being the best.
03:49:31.000 Da da da da da da da.
03:49:33.000 And so I leave this place and I'm like, I feel good and I get home and I get a text from a number I don't know.
03:49:41.000 This is like six, seven months later and it's a picture of me sleeping in that apartment.
03:49:47.000 The guy fucking took pictures of me while sleeping.
03:49:51.000 Fucking crazy.
03:49:54.000 It is crazy.
03:49:57.000 That's...
03:50:01.000 The methed-up dude took pictures of you while you were sleeping.
03:50:03.000 Yeah.
03:50:04.000 And I remember thinking that night, after hearing the story of how he...
03:50:08.000 I was like, maybe I should lock my door.
03:50:10.000 And I never did.
03:50:10.000 Yeah, for sure you should've.
03:50:11.000 I should've, but...
03:50:12.000 Dave, that's a crazy story.
03:50:14.000 And I wish I could hear more, but it's 4.30.
03:50:16.000 Is it really?
03:50:16.000 It's 4.30.
03:50:17.000 This is a four-hour podcast, right?
03:50:20.000 Ridiculous.
03:50:20.000 Can I please, please invite you to my next show?
03:50:24.000 When is it?
03:50:25.000 So, thank you, by the way.
03:50:27.000 My last show was two years ago.
03:50:28.000 It was the Cho Show, and you reposted the billboard that I put up.
03:50:33.000 And painting for me is...
03:50:35.000 I won't say it's boring, but I just know how to paint now.
03:50:39.000 In the same way you know how to do what you're good at.
03:50:41.000 So...
03:50:44.000 I'm going to create a Cho Rogan experience for you.
03:50:48.000 Oh, Jesus.
03:50:49.000 Can we just not?
03:50:50.000 I really do.
03:50:51.000 I got to go.
03:50:52.000 It's 4.30.
03:50:52.000 It's super late, unfortunately.
03:50:54.000 Okay.
03:50:54.000 Can I just throw out the Hadza thing again?
03:50:57.000 Yeah.
03:50:57.000 Okay.
03:50:58.000 So if anyone's interested in sponsoring a kid or learning more about this culture, please go to Hadza, H-A-D-Z-A dot org.
03:51:05.000 And if you're in LA and you want- Oh, so...
03:51:11.000 Yes, I could talk forever.
03:51:13.000 I have a TV show that I just sold that I don't know the name of, and I don't know when it's going to be out, but just look out for it.
03:51:21.000 We'll check back in with you later on that.
03:51:23.000 Alright.
03:51:24.000 That's it.
03:51:24.000 Thanks.
03:51:25.000 David Chow, ladies and gentlemen.
03:51:26.000 Thank you.
03:51:27.000 Goodbye.
03:51:29.000 Sorry that I just...
03:51:30.000 Fuck, man.
03:51:31.000 No way, man.