Comedian Joe Rogan is back after a long break. He talks about how he's feeling the effects of not being able to perform, how he feels about comedy clubs in general, and what he's looking forward to in the near future. Also, he talks about why he shaved his head in support of a friend who has cancer and why he thinks it's a good idea to shave your head in honor of someone you care about. And he asks a question about the future of stand-up comedy clubs and what it's like to be a comedian in New York City now that there are so many options for people who don't want to go out and do standup anymore. Joe also talks about what it was like growing up in a Jewish household and how he dealt with the trauma of growing up with a Jewish father and a Jewish mother, and how that affected his comedy career. Finally, he asks the question, what's the worst thing a comedian can do after a break from comedy? and the answer is, nothing! at least he knows what to do now that he doesn't have to go to work in a bar anymore, which is a good thing, because comedy clubs are running out of money and people aren't going to be able to afford what they used to do it the old fashioned way. This episode was produced and edited by David Fincher and Sarah Abdurrahman. The opinions expressed in this episode are our own opinions and not those of our own. We do not own the rights to any of the music used in the songs used in this podcast. . We are not affiliated with any of these songs used or produced by any of them. or any of our songs used without permission. Thank you for any credit given or provided by our patrons. , and we do not claim any other credit for any other source of funding or credit given to the other artists unless otherwise expressed in the song was given to us by a third party. If you'd like to support us, we'd really appreciate the support we've gotten so far, we really appreciate it. Thank you very much, really really appreciate your support and appreciate the love and support we have received from the music provided by you. and we really do appreciate it, it really means a lot, it's very much appreciates it. We really appreciate you, really means it, really helps us, really deeply.
00:01:28.000And the room is just, it's just, they're not seating the room like the way comedy is supposed to be seated, which is everyone bunched together as close to the stage as possible.
00:02:13.000I don't want to walk around with a clicker and start counting heads, but it was a lot of folks in there.
00:02:18.000No, I did one gig like that in St. Louis that I felt like...
00:02:22.000Okay, I don't I don't feel good about this.
00:02:24.000I did it because I Wanted I was far enough from everyone to feel good about it But I felt bad that maybe the audience Got there and was like we were sold a different Yeah idea of what this would be because we get in there and we're seated a little bit too close But wise guys in Salt Lake they did it really like if I felt good about being there I didn't feel like anyone was gonna get sick.
00:04:27.000There's no reason for me to go back there.
00:04:30.000I've been considering going back just because you don't want to abandon this city that you like so much and people that are staying there are saying, like, everyone left.
00:05:42.000Because that's the thing about living in New York is that you have a shitty small apartment because you're just out doing stuff all the time.
00:06:10.000There was a bunch of podcasts that I've done about apocalyptic disasters and downfall of civilizations and the Mayans and the Egyptians and asteroid impacts.
00:07:38.000I think if there was an island that had chimps that were figuring out dynamite, we'd keep a close eye on them.
00:07:46.000If there's a bunch of advanced chim- Right now, we have primates, lower primates.
00:07:53.000We have monkeys, we have chimps, we have gorillas, and then we have humans.
00:07:57.000There's nothing in between that used to be there, right?
00:07:59.000But what if we found an island, and it did have Australopithecus, and maybe they had spears, or maybe they had some primitive weapons, and we were keeping an eye on them, and someone had figured out dynamite.
00:08:14.000They would be studying them so closely.
00:08:16.000But they wouldn't stop them in their tracks?
00:08:24.000They're just going to watch us destroy ourselves before they even...
00:08:26.000No, I think nuclear weapons is where they stepped in.
00:08:30.000And if you pay attention to the timeline of UFOlogy, when you look at the UFO history of sightings and of, like, the really big sightings, all of them came post the Manhattan Project.
00:09:13.000I don't think they're terribly concerned about us seeing them, but I don't think they visit that often.
00:09:19.000I was just reading about this scientific research.
00:09:23.000It was Forest Galante had this scientific research where they found this mouse that they thought had been extinct since 1968. It's this weird sort of kangaroo-like tiny rodent.
00:09:35.000It has like kangaroo legs and it bounces around.
00:09:38.000And, you know, this is something that people will go and they'll study.
00:09:43.000But they didn't find it since 1968. So how many people are studying it?
00:10:02.000So it says, imagine a creature the size of a rat related to an elephant with the legs of a kangaroo that's been lost to science since 1968. That's the Somali Senji, an adorable elephant shrew recently discovered in...
00:10:21.000Researchers from Duke Lemur Center Association, Djibouti, Nature and the Cal Academy found that the Somali Senji not only still exists, but appears to be doing well, with population numbers appearing to be quite high.
00:10:36.000My point is, how many people were looking for that thing?
00:11:02.000We have the ability to destroy all life on the planet.
00:11:05.000Like, if Russia shot at us and we shot at them and then China jumped in and said, fuck it, it's over, and everybody just started pressing the nuke buttons, this whole planet would be wiped out of life.
00:11:42.000And one of the big holes is the size of the human brain.
00:11:45.000The human brain doubled over a period of two million years, which is apparently, if you talk to biologists, the biggest mystery in the entire fossil record.
00:11:57.000Crazy thing that an organ doubles in size over a period of two million years But it's the very organ that came up with the idea of evolution in the first place It's the it's the organ that thinks is the organ that recognizes consciousness It's the organ that recognizes creativity and allows people to invent things and and you know and Innovation and all the different things that are responsible for all the crazy The crazy technology that separates human beings from all the other animals all comes from this one thing,
00:12:34.000There's all these theories about, well, maybe it was psychedelic drugs, like that was Terence McKenna's theory, that it was the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms.
00:12:44.000And then it's other people's theory that it was, well, we figured out fire, we started cooking our food, so we had more access to nutrients, and then hunting made people more clever, and so the more clever ones survived, and the ones that had the larger brain size, that mutation was favored,
00:13:01.000and natural selection favored larger brains, and then we started...
00:13:04.000Another theory is that we're manipulated.
00:13:08.000Another theory is that these aliens came here Eons ago and they found these primitive primates and they started genetically manipulating them and they created human beings now what makes it interesting to me is That human beings are so different everywhere so different We're we're like dogs In that all dogs can fuck each other and make baby dogs.
00:14:30.000Someone very possibly could have done something to human beings which changed us from these lower hominids and turned us into a bunch of different versions of what we call human beings.
00:14:49.000Like, do you know that most hybrids, like even bass, like there's bass where like a largemouth bass will breed with a smallmouth bass and they'll make this hybrid.
00:17:12.000Like, if you looked at certain people, you would assume that they're, like...
00:17:16.000If you looked at Yao Ming, the giant tall dude, and you looked at a small man from Ecuador, you would assume there's no way that's the same species.
00:17:26.000If you were from another planet and you had no idea what a human is, you'd be like, oh, this is a different thing.
00:18:03.000You know, and then also, you know, obviously people, their bodies adapted to, like, people that are really white.
00:18:10.000Well, the reason why they're white is because people originated in Africa, made their way to places where there's no sun, and so their body developed this sort of, like a solar panel for vitamin D. That's why people are so white.
00:18:25.000This is one of the reasons why African-Americans have a real issue with vitamin D. Because if you live in a place like, say, Seattle or New York City where there's not a lot of sun, African-Americans, their bodies are designed to protect themselves from the sun, which is why they have so much melanin.
00:18:40.000But it makes it harder to absorb vitamin D, particularly when you're wearing all these clothes and it's cold out and it's cloudy.
00:18:46.000So it's incredibly important for them to supplement with vitamin D when they're in these climates where it's very cloudy.
00:18:53.000Now, how do you get your D? I take it.
00:19:19.000Most of these vitamins, they're fat-soluble.
00:19:24.000Some of them are water-soluble, but they digest better with food because that's really normally where you're getting them other than D, which is where you get from the sun.
00:19:33.000But Dr. Rhonda Patrick, she explained it to me in a really interesting way.
00:19:52.000So they were saying that there's all these studies that correlated with this.
00:19:56.000They're saying that out of people that were in the ICU for COVID, more than 80% of them in multiple studies had insufficient levels of vitamin D and only 4% had sufficient levels.
00:20:10.000Yeah, vitamin D, zinc, and vitamin C, they're saying, are the three most significant vitamins for dealing with COVID. Are you scared of getting it, giving it?
00:21:13.000I saw pictures and I was like, oh, man.
00:21:14.000Yeah, it was like Whitney and Annie Letterman and Bill Burr and Jay Leno was there and Paul Rodriguez and we were all just laughing and talking shit.
00:22:30.000Give people the option to go out if they want to go out.
00:22:32.000This idea that they're just going to tell us what's best for us, but they're not telling us what's best for us, because they're not telling us all the shit that we were just talking about with vitamins.
00:23:18.000There's another correlation study between vitamin D and COVID and how vitamin D, the actual mechanisms of how vitamin D protects you and it protects your immune system from COVID. Yeah.
00:23:27.000Vitamin D, Zinc, C, but you should take all those things.
00:24:50.000I mean, that's why I'm sitting here right now is because I was having a very tough time and I tweeted something Kind of crazy that I wanted to shave my head because I really do like I just feel like something Something needs to change.
00:25:07.000I don't know why I'm compelled my hair has been falling out I think just from stress and I'm just like I'm tired of pulling chunks of hair out It's just it's distressing really that you're losing that much hair I mean, well, I've just started only washing my hair once a week.
00:25:20.000So when I do wash it, it's like so much comes out.
00:25:22.000Because it's been a week of just no strands coming out.
00:25:45.000Just kind of want to put out a tweet that just sometimes when I'm feeling depressed, I just need to let people know or just kind of synthesize my feelings through that way.
00:25:55.000And I don't do it to like make anyone concerned about me, but really meant a lot to me that you reached out to me and I was completely taken aback by it that you you sensed my dilemma.
00:28:05.000And yeah, and it's weird to just hang out with my nieces and nephews, and they're like three and one, and we have to wear a mask around them, and they can't even see your smile, you can't touch them.
00:28:44.000But you worry that between the time you got tested and the time you're seeing that person, you might have gone to the gas station and touched a nozzle.
00:29:34.000Do you think that's what they're doing?
00:29:35.000Yeah, they want to prove that they're not falling for it, and they're better than you, and it's so deliberate, and it makes me sick, and it's hard because I want to shoot them a dirty look, but they can't really see how much I hate them on my face because it's covered by a mask!
00:29:51.000So I really try to squib my eyes just like, you motherfucker.
00:30:15.000Everyone, I'm staying in Marina del Rey, everyone walking outside is wearing a mask, which I think is a little much just like walking down the sidewalk.
00:30:23.000You don't need it when it's sunny out.
00:30:35.000I don't know, but Brett Weinstein, who's a biologist, sent me this paper where they showed that it dies instantly or almost instantly when it's in contact with Fake sunlight, like ultraviolet light, and also actual sunlight.
00:30:52.000So when you're in sunlight, if you're outside, that's why closing the beach is so fucking stupid.
00:31:34.000That's just like spewing droplets everywhere.
00:31:36.000If you don't have a mask on and you're screaming and other people are screaming, and then there's people yelling at each other so they're in each other's faces.
00:31:43.000There's like very little chance you're not going to get some spread if you've got what, you know, I forget, was it Ben Shapiro said?
00:31:51.000It was like having a music festival in every city for three weeks in a row.
00:31:57.000It's like you constantly had protests.
00:31:59.000So if you have that many people, it's not a coincidence that it spiked right afterwards, but nobody wants to say it because nobody wants to be insensitive.
00:33:07.000According to Michael Yeo's doctor, he told him, if I put you on a respirator, you're going to die because your body's going to stop working.
00:33:51.000There's so many things that we thought in the beginning that aren't...
00:33:54.000But the mask thing, it's like, I don't care if you're sitting at my gate and you don't believe in masks and you think we're all so crazy and we're all just sheep wearing masks...
00:34:38.000And I mean, and I just think the peer pressure, have you, I've, early when this was happening, I was like getting invited to like, Social distance barbecues and things like that when they were like just trying it out and going over to these things and under the understanding that we're all going to stay six feet apart and wear masks and then you get there and people are hugging and people are close and you just kind of feel peer pressured into doing it.
00:35:01.000Well, people go back to the normal patterns.
00:35:03.000Normal patterns is, especially when people are drinking.
00:36:07.000If you just had, like, a giant, you know, a line where everybody's spread out by six feet, you test them, all on the line, you know, you write your name down, or you have to register, maybe the show's at eight, you have to show up at seven and get tested,
00:38:33.000It really helped me, though, reading those stand-up, kind of transcribed stand-up books when I first started stand-up to, like, read jokes and, like, learn the craft of writing a joke and the consolidation of words.
00:38:44.000Like, I turned to those books where, like, people would just take stand-up and write it down.
00:38:49.000But, yeah, beyond that, from a comedian, I think they...
00:39:39.000Who I became as a stand-up started out just like trying to copy people and just trying to figure out how do you do this and watching it so much and ending up sounding like a mixture of all the people that I loved so much.
00:40:09.000I mean, you're just a mixture of everyone that you love and then eventually you Gain some autonomy and you figure out stuff that works for you and who is truly you.
00:40:18.000But even my own personality before I did stand-up is all based upon me ripping off the popular girls the way they talked and the way they acted.
00:42:13.000See, I have young guys coming after me and I feel like they're using me so that they can just like somehow have a story about like fucking an older woman.
00:42:46.000I don't know, because I just don't look at myself that way.
00:42:50.000There are certain times where I do feel really sexy and I can feel that way, but generally when someone's into me, I go, what's going on here?
00:43:38.000Honestly, someone wrote me that today, a guy that has been interested in me and asking me out a ton, and he just wrote me today like, hey, I heard you're going to be on Rogan.
00:43:48.000If there's any chance you could get an autograph from him, that would be so cool.
00:44:08.000So you worry that they look at you as being someone who's got a high profile and maybe if they connect themselves to you, it can help their life in some way.
00:44:17.000They'll get to fuck other girls in their social circle because they said they fucked a girl that was on Celebrity Game Night playing badminton with Bob Saget.
00:46:15.000I wanted to take a picture with you just because I think you're awesome.
00:46:18.000I just wanted to document the fact that I know you.
00:46:20.000There was this guy on a plane a couple weeks ago and I met him at my gate and usually when I fly I just like put on my headphones and like sleep mask and I just try to stay.
00:47:53.000I said, there was like some, I don't know, there was a gate announcement that was kind of funny and I just like muttered something to myself like making fun of the woman talking, trying to get this guy to like laugh or just spark up a conversation.
00:48:05.000And he was just like, hey, I'm a big fan.
00:49:44.000And then finally, I'm like, we need to switch this to, like, a flirty kind of—we need to talk about dating or something to get us in that kind of vein of conversation.
00:49:53.000And I said something like, so have you been dating during COVID? And this is two and a half hours into the flight.
00:49:57.000And he's like, oh, well, I have a girlfriend who I live with.
00:50:01.000And I was just—I almost started crying because— Not because I was like, oh, this guy, I thought I was going to be with him, but because I just could have been sleeping that entire time.
00:52:59.000Yeah, I've only really had one actual relationship, and we got back together back and forth for like five or six years, broke up and got back together, broke up and got back together,
00:53:15.000and then we haven't been together for over three years now, but we slept together for a while even after that, but we haven't slept together for a year and some change.
00:53:26.000And oddly enough, he just moved back to St. Louis, too.
00:53:30.000We both met in New York City, and he's living with his parents, too.
00:54:33.000Well, that's better than the opposite.
00:54:35.000The opposite is never thinking you're ever going to be in a relationship, and every guy you talk to never imagining that it's ever going to go anywhere.
00:55:44.000He was a producer, a behind-the-scenes producer.
00:55:48.000We met on a show that I had on MTV, and then we created a show together on Comedy Central, and then that show got canceled, and then we got canceled, and now he's on the radio in St. Louis.
00:57:02.000If you are walking by a girl and her friends, and she used you for sex, and she tells her friends, yeah, I fucked that guy just for the sex.
00:57:14.000He's not going to feel bad, but if a girl walks by and a guy's hanging out with his friends, and is like, yeah, I just use her for sex, she's going to be like, ugh.
00:58:08.000If you like them more than they like you, then you get upset.
00:58:12.000Like, a lot of times people, when they get rejected by someone, they feel pain.
00:58:17.000They feel pain of either being rejected or neglected, and then they associate that pain with something negative that the person has done, even if they haven't really done anything negative.
00:58:25.000And then they get angry at that person.
01:02:57.000My mom thinks I'm a catch or you know some part of his personality is based on a food he loves just anything kind of deplorable like that or like I love to get lost in a good book or just something just shut up I love I want to I want to cook for you whenever a guy writes that I'm just like oh you're poor I get I mean like you take me to a restaurant I don't want to watch you cook Let's just go sit down and I don't want to watch you have to,
01:03:26.000like, just because you got, you know, one of those meal kit delivery services, I have to sit and watch you chop cilantro and talk about your connection with your nephew that I'm never going to remember because we're never going to see each other again.
01:04:11.000I want a guy who I already know and I can hang around with and then develop a crush on and then I decide when we're going to take it to the next level.
01:04:22.000I want to be the one to be like, okay, now we can, even though I tend to like it when guys make the first move and kind of are a little bit aggressive.
01:04:30.000So you don't know what the fuck you want.
01:05:52.000Whatever it is you're doing to yourself But I mean I just made the mistake of getting him off one time when he was texting like he always texts me at like 3 a.m And it's just like how are you feeling like just checking in on my well-being in the middle of the night and um It's nice.
01:06:10.000I really do think he cares about me, but there's some kind of weird...
01:07:02.000Because he texts me and then he wants to like have sex and I'm just, it takes me a little bit of time to get like really horny for someone.
01:09:54.000And then there's also this book is talking about porn addicts and gambling addicts.
01:10:01.000And then it's really all the same thing.
01:10:03.000It's like your body and your brain gets fixated on particular activities and those particular activities occupy your mind so much and then it becomes a detriment to your life.
01:10:15.000And it's with video games, it's with sex, it's with porn, it's with gambling, it's with drugs.
01:10:21.000And they used to think that they're different things.
01:10:25.000And obviously drugs have physical consequences, like heroin and alcohol.
01:10:30.000Alcohol is one of the worst to get off of.
01:10:32.000Because when you get off of alcohol, people who are legitimate alcoholics, they can die if they go cult Amy Winehouse.
01:11:34.000I just think that that gets swept under the table so much, eating disorders, when really that is...
01:11:41.000And you know, COVID is killing a lot of people with eating disorders too, people that on the other side of that, food addicts who can't stop eating and obesity.
01:11:51.000It makes you so much more susceptible to COVID. I only know that because I've dabbled in all of those things before and it's terrible.
01:12:02.000I'm a definite addict and I gotta watch it.
01:12:05.000But the sex addict thing, I just think that's one that's unchecked for so many people and so acceptable.
01:12:13.000Porn addiction, I can't get off without watching porn.
01:12:17.000You can't get off at all without watching porn?
01:13:03.000I mean, I got a threat on a DM from just some fucking troll a while back that was like, if I put out a hit on the dark web for you to be gang raped and paid the guys $100,000 to do it, I could make that happen,
01:13:18.000and you know someone would accept that.
01:13:20.000And I was like, joke's on you that that's my fantasy.
01:14:57.000Is no one else scared of that when they come?
01:15:01.000I don't think I've never shit everywhere we're saying something that you regret or like just do it I don't know having a Kramer moment when I'm just kidding no just I'm terrified of what might happen that's why I only have sex with people that I like trust so much so that if I shit on them they wouldn't I know that that guy wouldn't hate me right and like wouldn't tell people And that's why you're willing to let them tie you up.
01:16:05.000I've talked about this in my special, but I thought after talking about it in my special and saying, can I please get a respectful gangbang?
01:16:11.000Porn would listen and heed my request and make her gangbang when they're proud of her for her tenacity and her strength during this really arduous journey.
01:16:34.000I watch porn with half the screen covered up because I don't like what they do to her head, but I like what they're doing to the rest of her.
01:16:43.000They're so mean, choking her, doing a fish hook.
01:16:47.000I don't like any of that, but I like the idea of gangbangs.
01:16:50.000I like the idea of a girl being used and taken advantage of.
01:16:55.000And I do feel guilty about all this because I'm a feminist.
01:16:58.000Obviously I love women and I want us to feel empowered and I'm so sad for these women.
01:17:42.000You know, you go from just like slight bondage where a girl's tied up and a guy's maybe like doing some stuff to her with a wand and like fingering her and choking her a little bit and then it's just like seven guys riding pig on a girl's head and making her oink.
01:19:05.000There's like this academy that these girls go to where they learn to be sluts.
01:19:12.000And they have to like graduate and there's like five days where they go to the school and they're tied up and they're just like fucked by a bunch of people and they're made to like plank and get fucked at the same time as they're planking and it's just like they get they just they have to do what you say when someone tells you you have to do something you have to be like oh I guess I have to do it it's not my fault that I'm a whore and they I just like that that's what I'm into Because I think I have so much guilt associated with wanting to be sexual or wanting to feel sexual that if someone's making
01:19:42.000me do it, then suddenly it's not my fault.
01:19:44.000So do you think that's why you like bondage and gangbanks because it's out of the person's control?
01:21:19.000Although, there are some times that I... There are some times that...
01:21:25.000You know, in some of these porns where the guy is like, I'm not attracted to him, and I wouldn't want his dick inside me, but I definitely like when they treat you like a car they're working on, and they just use tools on you, and there's no dicks involved.
01:23:04.000So I went a really long time without it.
01:23:08.000During the quarantine and then I haven't hooked up with I haven't had sex since for you know a year and a half at this point and I've hooked up a couple times in that in that time with guys but I've always stopped it before I've even had like been even close.
01:23:28.000I just knew I wasn't gonna come so I was just like just let's stop.
01:23:31.000When you were talking about like gang bangs and stuff, your hands, you had like a death grip on your knuckles and you're like bringing your hands back and forth.
01:29:56.000There's a drug called Re-Equip and GlaxoSmithKline wound up paying this guy somewhere in the equivalent of like $600,000 because he was a straight heterosexual man with no problems with gambling and he had Parkinson's.
01:30:13.000And he got on this re-equipped drug and he became a gay sex and gambling addict.
01:31:18.000Didier Jambard, 52, of Nantes, France, sued the pharmaceutical giant GlaxoSmithKline in 2011, claiming the drug re-equip caused him to lose 82,000 euros gambling on the internet.
01:31:32.000He said he also became addicted to gay sex and risky sexual encounters.
01:31:36.000He said he was raped after starting the drug in 2003 and attempted suicide eight times.
01:32:57.000And if I'm going to start gambling out of nowhere, but it's totally it's scary.
01:33:02.000These drugs, I mean that I'm trying to get on a new antidepressant because I'm just been so just I'm tired of having these low lows that just don't aren't necessary and are just scary sometimes because the things I think.
01:33:16.000And the things I... I just have these thoughts that come in that can't stop and they just can't work.
01:33:32.000How long have you been on antidepressants?
01:33:34.000I mean, I was on them for years and years.
01:33:36.000Ever since I was like, I got anorexic when I was like 18. And then I was so depressed from that because it just like starts eating your brain that I got on stuff.
01:33:46.000And then ever since then, I've been I've struggled with depression.
01:33:48.000I think even before then, I was a really depressed kid.
01:33:51.000I look at pictures and I'm just like staring despondently into a corner, like on holidays.
01:33:57.000And so Now I'm looking into maybe having ADHD because it's often misdiagnosed in women because women don't really have the hyperactivity part of it and it just makes us kind of depressed and have low self-esteem and messy and all the things that I am.
01:34:14.000Do you worry though about like messing with your brain chemistry with these drugs that like maybe they don't have the right stuff that they're giving you and it might be causing other problems or exacerbating the current ones?
01:34:27.000No, because I've been off them for a while now.
01:34:48.000I just get, all of a sudden, I just get these fucking thoughts that come in and then I'm depressed for like four days so badly that I just, I could file for disability as a comedian because I cannot be funny.
01:35:30.000No, I've been in a good place since Saturday.
01:35:32.000I woke up on Saturday and I snapped out of it.
01:35:34.000But, you know, when I sent out that tweet, the tweet that led to me even being here was because I was just suffering for like four or five days with like really bad depression where, you know, I called Gary Goleman.
01:36:55.000Well, I'm going to talk to him about it too, but it's so funny because when I'm in it, I'm so in it, and then when I'm out of it, I just forget that it can get that bad, and I don't even think about it.
01:41:10.000How about the one kid who was a football player who lost his – basically his life fell apart, fell out of school, everything just – it can happen.
01:41:20.000We fucking set up a local area network in the back and we have all these computers back there that we set up and I had to stop playing them.
01:41:27.000Because we would be in here and I would be playing five, six hours a day after podcasts.
01:46:46.000I eat elk meat and all this healthy food, and it's like your body...
01:46:52.000If your body's in tune and your body's healthy and your immune system is strong, that's the whole point of having a strong immune system.
01:47:00.000It's supposed to be able to fight things off.
01:47:02.000And I haven't gotten like a real cold in years because I take care of myself and I do a good job.
01:47:09.000But if I was working on a television show and I was not getting good sleep or I was traveling a lot and I was not getting good sleep and that's when it can hit you.
01:47:40.000With his family, kids in the car, screaming, yelling, and then he hangs out with his wife's family in Vegas and then flies back the same day.
01:47:48.000So two in front, which is four hours there, four hours back, then auditions the next day and auditions the day after that.
01:47:54.000So he's practicing for auditions, getting ready, stressed out, then it hits him.
01:51:01.000And it's a three-dimensional game, right?
01:51:03.000So you're running down these hallways, and people are shooting rockets at you, and you're jumping up off these things, and you're running through the water, and people are chasing you.
01:52:37.000So in 30 seconds, you know you're sprinting for 30 seconds, and then you're doing it at a slower pace for the next 30 seconds, and then you're sprinting again, and there's a red light, and then there's a yellow light.
01:52:50.000And a red light is when it's time to stop, the yellow light is when you calm, and then a blue light is go.
01:53:03.000Very regimented, you know exactly when you're done, So when I'm doing, especially rounds in the bag, you can only do it so much because your body breaks down.
01:53:12.000Because during the blue time, it's just chaos.
01:55:35.000Like, I have to be talking to someone about my—I have to have it kind of mirrored back to me, my emotions, so that I have license to cry.
01:55:43.000But it's not something that comes naturally to people, but I think it's important to do.
01:55:48.000I cried on the podcast just real recently.
01:55:51.000Yeah, there was a guy on, Josh Dubin, he's a lawyer, and they were talking about the Innocence Project.
01:55:57.000He works with the Innocence Project, and they got this poor man who is an immigrant.
01:56:03.000I believe he's from Guatemala who was unjustly accused of murder and they got him out and they were just going through the whole story about how the prosecutors were trying to keep him in jail even though he knew he was innocent and they finally got him released and they're talking about this thing and I just started crying.
01:56:19.000This poor guy is thinking about this guy who makes his way to America to try to do better for himself and it winds up getting caught up in this fake murder accusation and yeah.
01:56:59.000I felt so inappropriate doing it, but I was like, this is so hot that you are opening up and you are emoting and that I don't have to deal with these feelings in another way, which is you being mad at me or you bottling up your anger.
01:57:11.000These feelings have to come out somewhere.
01:57:13.000It just was so erotic to me to see a guy so vulnerable, so sensitive.
01:57:18.000I think it's very weak of people to be afraid of feelings.
01:57:30.000There's something wrong with being weak.
01:57:32.000There's something wrong with shirking your responsibility or not doing the things that you know you're supposed to do because you want to cry and wallow away all your day and feel sorry for yourself.
01:58:15.000That allows you to feel those feelings, to say, you know what, I had a shitty childhood, or I had a shitty mom, and I got a fucked up deal.
01:58:26.000That guy from Guatemala that came here, he should feel sorry for himself.
01:58:40.000And I definitely think that he should feel happy that he's been released and that these wonderful people worked really hard to get him out.
01:58:47.000And then I also think he should feel some anger that these motherfuckers wanted to keep him in jail when they knew he was innocent.
01:58:53.000I mean, I think there's nothing wrong with all those things.
02:00:32.000But if you always, because I think I'm just speaking more to myself because I've had to actually seek out therapists who teach me how to feel sorry for myself because so much of me is like, what are you complaining about?
02:01:07.000Will you feel that you needed more support back then when you didn't get it and you were scared and you didn't know any different because you were a little girl?
02:01:15.000They take me back there and they go...
02:01:37.000But once they do that, is there a build-up afterwards, like a build-back-up, where they're like, okay, now that you've acknowledged the fact that you're validated or you have valid feelings and that there's a reason why you felt fucked over, there's a reason why you felt abandoned, now that you've,
02:01:52.000like, let's look at positive aspects of Nikki Glaser.
02:04:53.000And that I have to have those thoughts, and I think those thoughts are right, and I know that I'm not ever going to act on those thoughts, but it sucks that I even have to have them.
02:05:01.000Is there a correlation, though, between how well your life is going, like when your life is going great, and how good you feel?
02:05:48.000And it doesn't, and you look at your life and you look at everything that's going on and you just, it doesn't make sense why you feel so sad or why you feel like such a fraud or why you feel like you should kill yourself.
02:06:34.000Usually that's what I'm feeling pretty good That's what I'm feeling the best is after I've done that I don't have that depression that people have of like regret I mean I'm disgusted about talking about all these things that I'm into when and I and and Honestly, I only masturbate once every two weeks.
02:06:49.000So this isn't like an addiction for me It's just but when it comes on a freight train.
02:06:54.000Yeah when I open my laptop It's time to go.
02:08:52.000But the guy with the balls up his ass, apparently he lets guys fuck him in the ass with his balls in his ass and his favorite thing is fucking guys while he has his own balls in his ass.
02:11:00.000And then all of a sudden the internet came along and online porn and bandwidth just kicked up to the point where you could actually stream it.
02:11:16.000So flashy, like everything was like gold chains and he had a fucking silver tooth and he was doing coke all the time and always had girls over his place.
02:11:25.000He was just making so much money and it was from selling porn.
02:11:29.000But it was not, the girls weren't making that money.
02:11:31.000There's like, I mean there's been a few girls I'm sure that have made a lot of money in porn, but it's real rare.
02:11:52.000These girls, they find these girls, they post ads on Craigslist, and they find girls that are fresh out of high school that just want to get out of their small town, and they're promised to make a thousand bucks a day.
02:12:02.000You know, if you do like six shoots, maybe.
02:12:05.000And they burn out within like four months and they shoot all these videos that are up forever.
02:12:18.000They get too much use down there and they have to go to the doctor and they have different...
02:12:24.000Abrasions and certain things and that's how they get...
02:12:26.000Then they're doing really fetishy type stuff where there's one girl that is in it that has to do with a brutal session, which King.com has a lot of brutal videos, which I hate that word in porn because that's usually like...
02:12:38.000You just see girls that you're like, oh, she could not have left that shoot feeling empowered about herself no matter what.
02:12:45.000I mean, it's just so sad what they say and do to these girls.
02:12:49.000And in that movie, there was one girl that was like...
02:12:52.000Yeah, I went to a brutal session today and I had to...
02:12:56.000And you could just see like the life lost in her eyes.
02:13:44.000But it's also the way people look at you forever.
02:13:47.000If you have a sexual relationship with a person and someone does crazy shit to you, that's just what you wanted and you both did it and that's okay.
02:13:59.000Maybe people will laugh, but they don't have to see it all the time, right?
02:14:02.000The thing about porn with a woman is...
02:14:05.000If a woman does some crazy gangbang or something like that, that's always going to be there.
02:14:09.000And some guy is like, hey, that girl that you're going to marry, check out this link.
02:14:14.000And someone sends you this link and you go, oh my god.
02:14:17.000And you see her as if she's right there right now doing this.
02:15:01.000Although, you know, I relate to some of these porn actresses just in the sense that I've said things and done things on stage or like that.
02:15:11.000I'm like, oh, no, that's always going to.
02:15:13.000I mean, like even today, I mean, someone's going to my husband someday might watch this.
02:16:17.000It's a weird thing because even just regular porn, just regular sex, it's strange that we all want to have sex, but no one wants to see the person that they have sex with having sex with someone else on film.
02:16:42.000It would be interesting to hear, I mean, how boyfriends of people who have done porn, I mean, I think some guys can just handle it, and they can be okay with it.
02:17:12.000I really love hearing about ex-girlfriends or even, you know, I hate to even say this because it just sounds...
02:17:22.000It's ridiculous, and maybe I'm not into it anymore, but the last time I had a boyfriend years and years ago, I wanted him to go have sex with other girls and tell me about it.
02:19:16.000How did you guys resolve the conversation?
02:19:20.000Well, he was the one that told me that I need to go see a therapist that helps me feel my feelings.
02:19:25.000I found my therapist because Dr. Drew was like, you need to go to an emotionally focused therapist because you don't feel your feelings and you need to find someone who really mimics your feelings back to you.
02:22:03.000Before we have hung out, and we really only hung out on the podcast, which is like a real hang.
02:22:09.000I mean, this is no different than if we were alone together and just hanging out as comics.
02:22:14.000But yeah, I just felt like, my God, you showed me a part of myself that I was maybe denying because I just picture myself like, I'm such a cool chick.
02:25:24.000If they get rid of Ellen because she's so mean, and they bring in Nikki Glaser, and you have to pretend you give a fuck about dancing for all these people.
02:29:05.000It's also a tyranny of being the one person who's in charge of this whole empire and all these people, hundreds of people work around and are like, Ellen, can I get your tea?