Tony Hinchcliffe is one of the hottest up and coming stand-up comics in the world. You might know him from the Kill Tony Podcast or numerous other things. He's a standup comic, writer, podcaster, and podcaster. He also happens to be one of my good friends. We talk about a lot of stuff, including his standup routine, how he got into standup comedy, and how he's going to do it at a comedy show in Austin, TX. We also talk about how he s going to be doing standup at the Dave Chappelle Comedy Festival, and what it s like to be a comedian in the big city of Austin, Texas. We also get into some current events, including the latest in the NFL, the NBA, and the NFL Playoffs. And of course, we talk about golf and golfers breaking their bones and other sports injuries. We finish up the episode by talking about the NFL draft and what s going on in the NBA and NHL. Thank you so much for listening to Kill Tony and The Joe Rogan Experience. It means a lot to us and we hope you enjoy this episode. Thank you for being a part of this community and supporting this podcast. We appreciate you. -Jon Sorrentino and the support we've gotten so far. XOXO -Jon and the crew at Kill Tony. Jon and the rest of the KillTony Crew. Cheers, Tony and the team at The KillTony Podcast Jon & the rest at KillTony and the guys at The R&B Project. . . . Jon is a good friend of the show and we appreciate all the love and support we get from the support from you all the way through the support and the love you're showing us. Joe and all the support you're giving us. We really appreciate all of the support that we've been getting. and we really appreciate it. The support we're doing this. Love ya, Jon and his support us, thank you, Jon is amazing. -- Thank you Jon and all of your support is so much, Thank you, bye bye, bye. <3 -KILLTON -JONY AND THE KIDDY -TODAY! -SALUTE! Thankyou, JONY, JOSY AND KELLY & KAYLEE -PODCASTING AND GABE
00:04:33.000But if you're young and you're healthy and you take care of yourself, and then the deaths are much lower than they've been before because they know how to treat it better.
00:04:50.000But you can do that and still open up businesses, and you've got to give people the opportunity to do what they want to do.
00:04:55.000You've got to give people the chance to make up their own mind, make up their own decisions, and for whatever reason, LA does not want to do that.
00:06:35.000I mean, this is a part of their fucking culture.
00:06:36.000And they're trying to erase it with wokeness.
00:06:41.000I wonder, I think there's probably a bunch of factors, but some of them is that a lot of Latino folks tend to live with their families.
00:06:49.000They tend to have a lot of people under one roof.
00:06:52.000And then on top of that, I would imagine it's a vitamin D thing as well because...
00:06:57.000Folks with darker skin, just in general, are more protected from sunlight.
00:07:04.000They're more protected from the dangers of sunlight because of melanin.
00:07:07.000But because of that, it's more difficult for their body to produce vitamin D. My friend Moshe, when he was a doctor in New York, he said that they would do tests on black folks there, and they would have undetectable levels of vitamin D. He said some of them,
00:07:24.000like, literally, you couldn't detect the level.
00:07:27.000You know, he's telling these people, like, you have to take vitamin D. It's, like, it's very important because, look, it's fantastic to have dark skin if you live in Africa.
00:07:35.000It protects you from, you know, you and I would be fucked.
00:07:53.000But, you know, dark folks have no problem with it.
00:07:57.000I mean, their body's protected because of the melanin.
00:08:01.000But that melanin also prevents you from absorbing vitamin D at the same rate.
00:08:06.000Like, when you see a really white guy, like from Scotland or something like that, the reason why they're so fucking pale is that over generation after generation, their bodies have evolved to be like a fucking, like a solar panel for vitamin D. Right.
00:08:29.000So for Latino folks, you know, tend to be on the darker side.
00:08:33.000It's probably like for white folks, it's a real issue, particularly for white folks who don't go outside.
00:08:39.000But for Latino folks, it's probably a big issue.
00:08:42.000But it's just funny to me because no one's talking to them directly.
00:08:46.000When the Governor Newsom gives his briefings and all this, and even that, I feel like that's the first article I've ever seen about anything.
00:08:55.000And there it is, almost probably recent.
00:08:57.000But it's been this way the entire time.
00:09:00.000Those numbers, the percentage of the people that have gotten it in LA, those numbers are also the ones that they know for sure are Latino or Latina or Latinx or whatever.
00:09:49.000Do you remember when you were starting out, when you were an open-miker, and you'd go to a show, like an open-mic night, and hoping you'd get up, and maybe you couldn't, and you'd see people get up, and some of them would do well, and some of them wouldn't, and you'd be sitting there just dying to get up.
00:13:54.000He kept going, because he was sitting next to me when I was doing it, and I just kept making fun of him, making fun of his place, making fun of him.
00:14:00.000And he goes, get off me, man, get off me.
00:14:12.000There's those bonds, man, that you have with people like that, especially people like that, that you remember being in line with, that you know didn't have a car for years.
00:15:07.000But those two guys, and I'm sure you had this probably when you started, it's like, those were the two guys that Would kill the next day with new stuff that they didn't have the day before.
00:15:19.000We all knew what each other was writing and working on and everything because we were all so different.
00:15:24.000And we would see each other because we were stuck performing in front of each other.
00:15:40.000Well, sometimes the thing that makes them brilliant is they're brilliant because they have amazing amounts of enthusiasm about something that's new.
00:15:49.000And so then that something that's new is not new anymore.
00:15:53.000Then it's something they've become accustomed to.
00:17:04.000But most of us, when you find something that you start getting some success at, especially something like stand-up comedy that's so difficult to get good at, that once you start getting good at it, you just say, this is what I do.
00:19:17.000And what's funny is that the few times that I've worked with him, or like when he did Kill Tony once in New York as a surprise guest, which was so awesome, and on the TV tapings for shows that I wrote on that he was on, He comes in at 2 and you're sort of concerned.
00:22:12.000Yeah, like, I'm finally coming out of the basement for the first time.
00:22:16.000But in his defense, that is what they would ask you to do.
00:22:20.000They would make you do something like that if you want to work at CNN. Like, if you want to work...
00:22:23.000Forget CNN. If you want to work on a television show and they know that this is an opportunity to film you coming out of the basement, they go, come on, Chris.
00:25:06.000My plan was to come here in January or February.
00:25:09.000And then when I was here visiting a few weeks ago, a month ago or whatever, was when on the last day before we left they said they're going to re-lock down.
00:26:01.000I don't know, but I'd love to see that bubble percentage in grocery stores from people that have stayed confined and only done the absolute right thing, the necessities.
00:26:10.000I think the people that are getting in grocery stores are the people that work in grocery stores.
00:26:14.000I think that's, if I had to guess, I don't have to guess.
00:26:18.000But if I'm gonna guess, that's what I would imagine.
00:26:20.000I'd imagine it's the people that work there.
00:31:24.000You have to get someone who's going to show you the stuff to do and make you do the work.
00:31:28.000I know you think you do the work on your own, but you don't do the work on your own compared to if you had Tony Meathead reaching over, showing you how to get big.
00:35:25.000The doctors that I know that work in hormone replacement, they're all in their 60s, and they look like they're in their 40s, and they're jacked.
00:35:34.000They're all really fit, really strong guys, and they explain, this is what you do.
00:35:44.000You find out what your levels are right now.
00:35:48.000First thing they do is adjust your nutrition.
00:35:51.000They want to make sure that you're eating healthy food because eating a lot of sugar and eating a lot of processed food and eating a lot of heavy carbohydrate like bread and pot and that kind of shit, that can really fuck with your hormones.
00:36:04.000It can really crash your whole system.
00:36:06.000Like your insulin resistance, there's a lot of problems with eating a lot of bad food.
00:36:12.000So if they adjust your food and give you like, you know, you start eating salmon and salads and, you know, taking your essential fatty acids, supplementing with fish oil, eating red meat like grass-fed beef, that kind of stuff.
00:37:20.000Because when you measure your sleep, it holds you accountable, right?
00:37:23.000So I look at my sleep in the morning, like I look at how much I got and how much I recovered on my Whoop app, and it's like, it's right there.
00:38:44.000So, after that, then they would start recommending, once they knew where you're at, then they start recommending different ways to optimize you.
00:38:54.000There's something called Samorlin, and that it is a...
00:39:00.000I don't know exactly what kind of chemical it is, but it increases your body's natural ability to produce human growth hormone.
00:39:09.000And then there are certain amino acids you take before you go to bed that also optimize your growth hormone production when you're sleeping.
00:39:15.000It's a multi-step process before you get to bioreplaceable hormones.
00:39:49.000I think, for you, the most important thing legitimately is getting someone to show you how to work out correctly, and you're gonna be sore as fuck.
00:41:05.000They're treating everybody like you're not allowed to make your own decisions, including business owners that have spent a ton of money opening up these outdoor cafes and outdoor restaurants.
00:41:12.000And then they don't even supply any science.
00:44:09.000He would hang out with people at the bar, at his bar, until, you know, 1, 2, 3 a.m., and he would start making the sauce and stuff at 5 or 6. He would sleep for a couple few hours and then start another day.
00:45:27.000Everything was closed, closed, closed, closed, closed.
00:45:29.000It was like a Wednesday at 9. It was a long shot.
00:45:33.000We drove by this one place and we ended up...
00:45:35.000The kid who worked there was the grandson, the grandfather's the owner, the grandma's inside, answering the phone, unloading wine or whatever.
00:45:43.000Like, you would see her if you used the restroom.
00:45:58.000And I know for a fact, even though he didn't say it, that they weren't...
00:46:01.000They just weren't having a good year, to say the least.
00:46:07.000And it's just frightening to think that all these places with all these good people in LA aren't going to have a chance at opening up after they spend money on the heat lamps, after they completely reorganize their entire structure.
00:46:20.000Has there been any big cities that decided to try to stay open most of the pandemic?
00:46:49.000Well, I think Miami, I think Florida as a whole, the governor of Florida has basically said, listen, the cure can't be worse than the disease.
00:47:12.000There is an issue, though, that a lot of people who disagree with him being able to do this and opening things up, they're financially capable of surviving a year or even longer without work.
00:47:26.000And many of them are actually in the middle of work.
00:47:36.000But what I want to say is that it's really difficult to even imagine.
00:47:43.000And this is coming from someone who doesn't have to imagine, so I know how ridiculous this sounds.
00:47:46.000But it's difficult to imagine the mindset of someone who's losing everything if you're not losing anything.
00:47:54.000If your life is basically the same, and this is the problem with some of the politicians, they didn't get punished financially for their city shutting down.
00:48:02.000They didn't get punished financially for 40% of the businesses going under.
00:48:07.000I mean, sure, it's going to be tough for them to get re-elected, but they can say, listen, we were in a pandemic.
00:48:23.000They don't act the way a person would act if their entire life's work was on the line, like your dad and his restaurant.
00:48:32.000They don't act like that person where they find a way to keep things open and keep things reasonably safe.
00:48:38.000Where they find a way, look, there's a better solution here.
00:48:42.000What we gotta do is keep people healthier, and that'll lower the numbers of cases, and that'll also lower the severity of cases, and that'll allow us to open places up to a reasonable extent.
00:50:45.000Maybe you did construction for 15 years and saved up half your pay and put it all away with this dream of one day opening up this amazing gym and making your living off your own business you created yourself in the community that you live in.
00:50:59.000No, the government knows better than you, and they get to decide whether or not you can work.
00:51:05.000They get to decide whether or not you take chances, whether or not you feel like you've adequately protected yourself from the virus, whether you test enough.
00:52:16.000But the thing's crazy, and I'm telling you, this re-lockdown, wait till we see the mental health effect of this, because I'm telling you, being out there, it's much worse than the original lockdown.
00:53:27.000Those mayors, they love shutting off people's water and power and flexing their muscle and telling people you can't get together to have a party.
00:54:06.000You know, instead of writing on shows and this and that, I'm like, well, one thing that nobody will ever be able to take away is live shows.
00:54:13.000So double down on stand-up, double down on live podcasting.
00:54:28.000This is the most socially distanced, and it's fun, and it's relaxing, and it's cool, and gone.
00:54:35.000There's a real danger in telling people to stay home that you know better than them.
00:54:42.000It's observable that the people telling you a large number of them are not doing what they're telling you to do.
00:54:49.000It's very bad for the fabric of society.
00:54:53.000It's going to increase the amount of violent crime.
00:54:56.000It's going to increase the amount of theft.
00:54:58.000It's going to increase lawlessness because they don't believe in the system.
00:55:01.000And there's going to be more and more people that are financially fucked.
00:55:05.000And those are the kind of people that take risks.
00:55:07.000Those are the kind of people that maybe would never do anything criminal or are trying to go on the straight and narrow, but they have to feed their fucking kids.
00:55:17.000And this is where these politicians that keep getting these steady paychecks, but keep making these decisions, they are making horrible mistakes.
01:00:33.000I swear to God, one of my favorite highlights of that night, it's funny because I didn't even know that, but one of the highlights of that night to me was when he brought you up, he came back up the stairs to the green room area because I was in the hallway half anyway,
01:00:50.000and he gave me one of those big hugs where his hands slap against my back so hard that you could tell he couldn't even control it.
01:01:02.000This wise grown man could not contain his excitement for something that he hadn't done in months.
01:05:18.000The hardest part is not being able to hang out with people who genuinely don't give a fuck and will say the most rude and ridiculous thing to you with a giant smile on their face and then you'll laugh at that and fall to the ground.
01:05:30.000They could have said the worst shit about you and you'll fall down laughing like...
01:05:35.000I mean, the conversations that we've had after shows, like on the road, just laughing and just having a good, like everywhere we went, we were home.
01:06:47.000And it's fun because none of my non-comedian friends almost ever, you know, try to make fun of me or shoot down a thought or anything like that.
01:08:15.000Like, if you do that, like, when you, me and you are in a car together, we're driving, dude, one of the funniest bits in your fucking act right now is something you said when you and I were on the road, we were driving to Fresno.
01:09:07.000Like something just appears out of nowhere that you had before or that you didn't have before, but then all of a sudden you have a new way of thinking about a subject, a new angle on something.
01:10:05.000Then sometimes it's because it comes after a bit that's something, or maybe if you reposition it to the beginning or the end, and all these, there's so many adjustments that are possible, and sometimes you just end up...
01:10:17.000I've had abandoned bits that were at one time killing, and then they stopped working.
01:10:22.000Like, they just, either I lost interest in it, or it didn't make as much sense with the rest of my act, or there's a problem if you have, like, two different takes on the same subject, and one of them was,
01:10:37.000like, the original take, and you were kind of married to it, and then the other one's better.
01:10:41.000And then you have the two of them together, but then the original one starts to suck, because it's connected to the second one, to the more powerful one.
01:12:14.000And why do they seem like they know him anyway?
01:12:17.000It's fun to get to watch that, but it's also so sad to know that, oh my god, this guy would be having the time of his life if they would just let these people on the other side of that wall.
01:12:30.000The difference between doing it in a window and outside...
01:12:35.000With that huge disconnect and one speaker coming from the corner, it's like...
01:12:39.000It's also, you're doing it through an aquarium window.
01:17:23.000Those guys, especially Jon Oliver, if you're going to do a show on HBO, one of those opinion shows, You've got a serious left-wing bend almost always, right?
01:18:53.000Wasn't there a senator that said something really crazy the other day, like, Chinese people have been stealing and lying for the last 5,000 years, like something like crazy over the top.
01:27:31.000If you and I sat down, polished off a bottle of whiskey, and then I tried to do jujitsu, I would be sloppy and slow, and I'd probably miss things.
01:27:39.000If I had to operate a drone or something, I'd probably have it crash into a tree.
01:27:51.000You just get weirded out and freaked out.
01:27:53.000But your ability to move is no different.
01:27:56.000Some people think it's enhanced because you're more sensitive.
01:28:01.000I know a lot of people who like to smoke pot and lift weights.
01:28:04.000Because they feel it in their muscle tissue.
01:28:07.000They feel what's moving and what they're working on.
01:28:11.000They can really tune in to the specific body part and how to do it right and how they're really hitting it perfectly and what happens when they hit it wrong.
01:28:18.000100% with golf you have to remember like 25 things at once.
01:28:22.000With your head, with your arms, with your hips, with your shoulders.
01:28:25.000And marijuana is unbelievable with that.
01:28:28.000You might be talking to squirrels in your golf cart in between shots, but like, you know, putting it all together...
01:28:35.000The drive is a very coordinated movement.
01:28:39.000It's really interesting to watch people do it, especially because I don't know how to do it.
01:28:43.000I get to watch it purely without thinking about how I would do it.
01:32:15.000I forget what the governing body of the league was, but there was like a number, like you're a 70, this guy's an 80, and so if he's an 80, he has to give you a ball or something like that, or has to give you one or two games on the wire or something like that.
01:32:28.000But once you get to the professional level, there's no like some guys are this handicap, other guys are that handicap.
01:32:35.000Like golf is so specific because you're playing your game.
01:38:30.000The graphic novels were very different because then the graphic novels, it was very dark and very, like, really cool, really well-drawn and, like, heavy-duty shit.
01:43:27.000This portrayal and the celebration of attacking the wealthy and killing the elite and killing the government and when he shot that dude in the head right on that television show.
01:44:12.000Then once the pandemic came and then the looting started and then all the craziness, I remember having a conversation with my family where we were like, let's get the fuck out of here.
01:44:23.000And everybody was like, you're just talking.
01:46:03.000I had a weird conversation with someone about that.
01:46:05.000They're like, do you think that depression is something that people can fix on their own without medication?
01:46:15.000And I said, I think there's a lot of cases where people could probably fix their depression.
01:46:21.000But depression is one of those weird things where we don't look specifically at the disease itself or what it is itself, whatever you want to call it, the condition itself.
01:46:38.000Because it's a feeling, a malady of the mind, and because it's an illness of the mind, we hold the person who has that illness responsible for it somewhat.
01:47:55.000He didn't like what he was doing, so he lost weight, started drinking water, started walking around the block and jogging, started entering marathons.
01:48:53.000It's almost never going to happen when you do that.
01:48:56.000A person needs to, there has to be, it's almost like they're trapped in a tunnel, or a cave rather, and they're trying to figure out a way out, and they find this little pop fucking hole of sunlight coming through.
01:50:29.000You know, you're Tony in relationship to your life, to the people that you love, to what you're doing for a living, what your commute is like, how much money you're making, what kind of stress are you under, what kind of friends do you have,
01:50:46.000what good experiences have you had, what bad experiences have you had, what trauma have you had, what injuries have you suffered?
01:53:45.000The tennis thing apparently was ridiculous.
01:53:46.000I didn't see it, but Bert, according to Tom, Tom took all these classes to learn how to play tennis and everything, and he talked to his coach right before they played, and the coach said, the only thing that would fuck you over is if he has, like, a world-class serve.
01:54:01.000And it's like, he probably doesn't have a world-class serve.
01:54:36.000Yeah, I guess Burt's good at golf, too, from what I understand.
01:54:39.000We're supposed to do this big golf tournament coming up.
01:54:42.000His coach specifically said, unless he's one of those John Daly types, he's not really athletic, but he's just fucking really good at things.
01:54:49.000He goes, oh, he's exactly one of those John Daly types.
01:57:12.000There was a talk about doing some sort of weight lifting competition, but I was telling them, I go, okay, but you gotta understand that we are old fucks.
01:57:21.000And the idea of lifting the most weight, this is not working out.
02:00:09.000But my point is, if we decided to do that as a competition, if everyone was honest about how much they can actually weigh a lift, and we tried to do that as a competition, there's a huge likelihood someone's going to blow a knee out.
02:02:08.000We did a podcast and after the podcast he went and used the studio gym and he was trained at fucking 90% of his max heart rate on the rowing machine.
02:03:00.000If you watch a fun movie, I watched so many movies during that Sober October challenge, because I just put my elliptical in front of the TV, and I had the Apple TV, and I just started watching movies.
02:03:10.000I watched, like, I don't know how many movies.
02:03:28.000No, it's John Wick 1, the original, the OG. He goes to the Red Circle Bar, and there's this Russian bathhouse in the basement, and he gets in there and fucking, spoiler alert, kills everybody.
02:04:35.000Looks over at the guy he's supposed to kill, that guy, shoots the guard, points the gun at him, doesn't shoot him, and kills the other guy in front of him.
02:07:07.000The noises in this, the sound, the music.
02:07:11.000I think there's like three, four, five different songs that happen during this insane stuff.
02:07:16.000And you know, I read that they had to make it black and white, this part, so that it could stay rated R and not NC-17 because there's so much blood during this part.
02:07:27.000They should release a director's cut where it's red and white.
02:09:11.000You make the rules if you're making the movie, right?
02:09:15.000You make a movie, you can have all sorts of ridiculous things happen.
02:09:18.000You can have people with a time machine that bring people back from the dead that you thought were dead.
02:09:22.000I saw yesterday, Christopher Nolan was a little upset that all these people that have movies that they've made, I guess they're already done, but they went in making them with the intentions of them being in the theater, and now he's mad that Warner Brothers or HBO Max is going to put them all out online.
02:09:54.000If you're watching it on TV and you're at home and the sound's not good, it's not the full experience that the person created when they made the movie, but you kind of know that.
02:10:04.000But I really like seeing movies in the theater with the sound.
02:14:04.000To where there's a little thing there, a little ledge, and you can, with your putter, lift it up, and there's a bottom of the cup that lifts up as well, and your ball just rolls out to you.
02:14:44.000On the contrary, they say things that, they yell things over each other's shoulders again and again in a loud volume.
02:14:52.000Over and over and over and over and over again.
02:15:05.000However, once we do that, once we have 60,000 people in downtown LA, once you have all these people, if you let people make that choice, everybody there knows this is a COVID pandemic.
02:15:18.000Everybody there made a choice that is more important to them to protest than it is to really keep it safe and keep away from crowds.
02:16:20.000How are these people going to pay their rent?
02:16:22.000Who are we to tell 20 million people you can't go to work?
02:16:26.000I was thinking the other day that they should give a fat stimulus check to the people that have serious pre-existing conditions that are affected by this and everyone else.
02:19:33.000Which, by the way, makes it impossible to golf.
02:19:37.000I'm sure this week there was thousands of groups of guys, probably different races and everything, showing up saying, hey, we're all roommates.
02:19:46.000Yeah, we're all brothers and sisters under God.
02:19:49.000But that's what they said, is you can golf with people that you live with, which is, again, that doesn't make sense.
02:20:02.000I feel like this is all shit that makes sense if you're talking about it in March.
02:20:09.000But when we're all the way here in December of the following year...
02:20:15.000I mean, the same year, but I mean, we're like almost 2021. And there's things we could work out that we could handle better.
02:20:24.000They have to take into consideration the consequences of stopping things, not just of stopping you from doing things, and the negative that comes from you doing these things.
02:20:32.000You have to take into consideration what happens when you stop those things.
02:20:37.000Where do those people get the food from?
02:20:39.000Where do those people get the money from?
02:20:41.000How many people are involved in this business?
02:20:43.000How many people are supported by this one restaurant?
02:20:46.000All their food, all their home, their housing, everything they buy, vacations they go, all from this one restaurant.
02:25:47.000All these people that worked in restaurants, the few people on a staff that were lucky enough to get shifts on the limited basis of everything, limited tables, limited business, are now not working.
02:27:33.000And the other person that's telling them they can't work has no financial repercussions at all.
02:27:41.000And is working while telling them to not work.
02:27:44.000Is working while telling them to not work and in many cases even going on vacations and doing things, going to restaurants while telling people to never go out.
02:28:13.000And so these people that you thought were buffoons But they didn't affect your life directly, now have radically affected millions of people's lives directly with their incompetence and their lack of sight, their lack of foresight,
02:28:28.000their lack of vision, their lack of understanding.
02:28:52.000And if you were an accountant, if you wanted to bring them to court, you would go, we're going to just show you the impact of these decisions.
02:28:59.000And you'd map it out as a case against their decision.
02:29:02.000Like, look at the impact of these decisions.
02:31:45.000Yeah, we realized with this whole pandemic thing how powerful, I think a lot of people realize how powerful governors actually are, state to state to state.
02:31:53.000And it made me wish, this time made me wish, that California had Schwarzenegger now.
02:31:59.000I would have loved to have seen how he handled this whole thing.
02:32:02.000Maybe we can start a campaign to bring him back.
02:34:31.000Yeah, he was the governor in the 80s, and then he was the governor again recently, before Gavin Newsom.
02:34:37.000Correct, until 2019. I'm on the Wikipedia for it, which is probably not the best place to find the law, but it's not listed on here.
02:34:45.000How many terms did he do back in the Disney?
02:34:49.000So, the most you can do at once, for sure, is just like the president, where you can do eight years consecutive, like two back-to-back terms.
02:35:47.000If that happened today, would anybody even bat an eye?
02:35:51.000I mean, honestly, didn't the Obama administration spy on the Trump administration?
02:35:56.000I would say yes, but taking their side of it, they had a reason to do it because they were told you need to check into this for all these reasons.
02:36:06.000So they didn't just say, hey, he's my opponent, let's go fucking look.
02:38:54.000Either it doesn't make sense or it does make sense.
02:38:58.000So if I make fun of Barack Obama the way I make fun of Joe Biden, it wouldn't work.
02:39:03.000If I said to you, I think Obama is like going with a bad flashlight on a long walk in the woods, you'd be like, that doesn't make any sense.
02:39:13.000But when I say it about Biden, that it's like taking a flashlight with a bad battery and going for a long walk in the woods, you're like, yeah, it is.
02:43:24.000I was once almost positive that there was one of those, and it turns out that I found out the next day, it wasn't a spaceship, but that a father and a son in the distance were playing with two lightsabers.
02:45:59.000I once googled because I assumed other people would have seen it at some point because it wasn't that far from our campsite in Jumbo Rock, I think it was, in Joshua Tree.
02:46:10.000So I googled Joshua Tree Evergreen Out of Rock or something like that.
02:46:15.000Did you ever go to the rainwood, the redwood forest rather?
02:46:47.000Somebody was like, I think we can get a fucking car through there.
02:46:49.000And the other one was like, let's do it.
02:46:51.000So they literally cut a hole in this life form.
02:46:55.000And they left just enough to keep it alive, but it has this massive scar, and these little primates get in their metal boxes and roll through the hole.
02:48:15.000Depends on what the photograph is you want to consider a photograph, but they've been able to copy stuff with light and shit like that on like 10 for a little while.
02:48:24.000Not 200 years, but longer than you might think.
02:48:27.000It's cut in 1881. That was when it was cut?
02:49:14.000See if my Instagram back in the dizay.
02:49:18.000You know someone's gonna make a meme because of this with the big black guy with his dick hanging out and there's gonna be a car driving through the bottom of it.
02:49:26.000It's almost 200 years for the first photograph.
02:49:57.000Yeah, the menu, first of all, the camera's incredible, but the customization, the menu, is pretty...
02:50:04.000Samsung does a really good job with that, giving you not just really good cameras, but a bunch of different ways you can fuck around with your camera, like built into the camera app.
02:53:07.000Because it just goes to show you that no matter what, there's someone out there that's going to call you an idiot.
02:53:14.000Think about all the great things that Bill Gates has done in terms of charitable foundations and all the money they donated to try to help poor people.
02:53:25.000They've done a lot of really good things.
02:53:26.000But then a crazy rumor, a fake thing online would be about he's a pedophile or that he wants to kill children or he wants to microchip you.
02:54:09.000You're physically allowed to, and it's in the long run.
02:54:13.000Look, it's not good for anybody who lost loved ones, and it's not good for anybody who lost businesses, but in the long run, for us, As comedians and as people that are kind of in custody of an art form.
02:54:26.000That the custody should lie in the people who make the art form.
02:54:30.000In the Dave Chappelle's, in the Bill Burr's, in the Tony Hinchcliffe's, in the Joey Diaz's, in the...
02:54:36.000All the people that make the art form are the ones that you want to be in control of the art form.
02:54:54.000I don't mean that in a bad way, but I mean like in terms of you're going to sell yourself for a television show, you're going to sell yourself for a movie.
02:56:36.000You know, it'd be 100% pro-comic, 100% encouraging people to do it, have open mic nights with not a single consideration of the fact you're not going to make as much money as you would on a night without an open mic night.
02:56:51.000Because everybody said the reason why, like, if you go on the road, some clubs don't have open mic nights.
02:57:53.000I mean, even the improv and things like that, like I said, when we were doing them, we were standing outside at 4 to do the open mic at 6. It wasn't a real show.
02:58:02.000There couldn't even be an audience to come in if they wanted to.
02:59:01.000I was telling my friend the other day because we were walking by...
02:59:08.000We were walking by this horrible location, La Brea and Santa Monica, where I first lived when I was a comedian.
02:59:17.000And my buddy, Matt Edgar, and I would go to that Starbucks, horrible location, and we did all the worst comedy writing you can ever imagine.
02:59:24.000And I was telling her that we did everything completely backwards.
02:59:32.000We were literally going, well, what do people think is funny?
03:00:19.000Maybe you get a little bitty laugh and then the next show it's like a little better and then you bomb the next show after that like, no!
03:00:27.000You come off stage embarrassed, just feeling terrible about yourself, and the worst is when you bomb and then someone goes on after you and kills, and lets you know it's not the room, it's you.
03:00:39.000I think maybe I told you this story before, but one of my first gigs on the road was opening up for Sam Tripoli, and halfway up on the trip, we were going to Modesto, and halfway up, and by the way, I'm intimidated at this time by Sam.
03:04:30.000You can tell people principles of comedy.
03:04:33.000You can sort of teach them a little bit about economy of words and how to conceal a punchline, how to set things up and make it not so obvious when the punchline rolls around.
03:04:43.000How to squeeze the most out of a premise, but don't beat it into the ground.
03:04:48.000There's little subtle things you learn over time.
03:04:50.000But what makes you funny versus what makes another person funny, Sebastian funny?
03:08:22.000Pretty sad to know that it's not open.
03:08:26.000You know, watch that and see the incredible history of it and know that if that documentary came out while it was open, that place would be sold out for a year.
03:13:23.000As soon as we were shut down, she's like, and I was like, and then they go to management, and then you know there's a squabble, and like there was a few of those at the store before they found the right mixture.
03:13:33.000You know, like, what did she say to you?
03:20:09.000You ever seen these videos of the food surgeon where he's literally taking surgical tools and taking candy and cutting it apart like it's a surgery?
03:21:21.000Has anybody ever figured out the proper tool for taking organic peanut butter and getting that shitty oil off the top of it and getting it into the peanut?
03:24:09.000I know that we'll hang out again no matter what.
03:24:12.000But most people that do this show, I'll bet you, I'll bet you, like, maybe 15 to 20% of all of your hours of show, the guest has had to pee.
03:24:25.000It's almost like hot ones, but it's like for peeing.
03:24:31.000Because I realized during the Ross Perot part of this, I was really, and it happened last time I did it too, it's really hard to focus on anything.
03:24:43.000And before this show, also, for the listeners, you have to factor in, you know you're going to talk with Joe Rogan, so you drink water, and you drink coffee, and you want to get in the right mind space, and then...
03:24:55.000Whiskey comes into the mix out of nowhere at one in the afternoon and your body tries to flush itself.
03:25:18.000I heard a ringing in my ears at the end of it.
03:25:22.000You got to a point where it's like, oh no.
03:25:25.000There was a part where I was gonna bail out, but you were talking about something interesting, and I did the two-handed headphone grab, where you grab each ear for a second, but then I'm like, no.
03:26:00.000I think it depends on how much I pee through the day.
03:26:02.000Like, the real problem is if I drink too much after a workout, like a lot of times I'll have a hard workout and then I'll drink like a couple of liters of water, and then I gotta pee for hours, like every hour, like every hour for hours.
03:26:14.000So I might get here only an hour after I've done working out, and even though I haven't had much to drink during the show, I gotta pee again.
03:28:04.000And when the clubs start opening and we get the scene happening out here, man, I think we could do some big shit.
03:28:10.000And I think a big part of that is going to be Kill Tony.
03:28:13.000And the reason why I think it is because I think Kill Tony is the best show that's ever existed in terms of putting potential talent into a compromising situation.
03:28:25.000We're doing one minute You get your name drawn out of a hat.
03:28:29.000You have no idea you're gonna go on stage until you're on stage.
03:28:31.000You have professionals judging your act and mocking you.
03:28:34.000You got Jeremiah in the crew and everybody's shenanigans and craziness.
03:28:47.000It's amazing for comics that get a chance to go up In that wild environment, and also it creates a community.
03:28:55.000It creates a community of fans, and it created a community of people that do the show, and have been on the show, and the regulars of the show, and then they get a chance to be on other little shows.
03:29:04.000It gives them a little bit of momentum.
03:29:46.000The people that do pretend you don't, they're doing a terrible disservice.
03:29:50.000The people that are comics that pretend that someone really means something when they're saying something ridiculous, you're doing a terrible disservice to hilarious shit.