The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1601

00:00:02.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:11.000 Oh, hello.

00:00:14.000 Nice outfit you're wearing.

00:00:15.000 Hey.

00:00:15.000 Awesome outfit for you.

00:00:17.000 Yeah, we're burritos.

00:00:18.000 And Jamie's in the Matrix.

00:00:20.000 Jamie, what are you doing?

00:00:20.000 Look at that.

00:00:21.000 That is preposterous.

00:00:22.000 Show him the pants.

00:00:23.000 It's a full thing.

00:00:24.000 Where was one get something like this?

00:00:27.000 The internet.

00:00:28.000 What do you mean?

00:00:29.000 Oh, must be.

00:00:30.000 Yeah.

00:00:30.000 You didn't go to the store and shop?

00:00:32.000 No, no, no.

00:00:32.000 What's the company?

00:00:34.000 It's called Dumb Good.

00:00:36.000 But isn't it supposed to have numbers?

00:00:37.000 Does it have numbers?

00:00:39.000 It does, yeah.

00:00:39.000 Oh, those are numbers?

00:00:40.000 Yeah, I mean, if you look close, you can see it.

00:00:41.000 Oh, okay.

00:00:42.000 Yeah, it's like officially licensed, I think.

00:00:43.000 Ooh.

00:00:44.000 Ooh, official.

00:00:45.000 They just pushed that movie back, the new one.

00:00:48.000 They push everything back.

00:00:49.000 They're pushing the James Bond one back forever because they think that theaters are coming back.

00:00:53.000 No.

00:00:54.000 Like theaters are...

00:00:55.000 That's over.

00:00:56.000 That's over.

00:00:57.000 Especially since it's so much nicer.

00:00:59.000 They kind of fuck themselves with like Wonder Woman and all these movies like Soul that have been coming out, you know, at the same time.

00:01:05.000 It's so nice and easy just watching it at your house.

00:01:07.000 Yeah, you don't have to listen to people talk and hear people on their phones and see people texting and the light flashes in front of you and...

00:01:15.000 Yeah, all the weirdness of movie theaters.

00:01:17.000 You know, I have a friend who always brings a gun to the movie theater.

00:01:21.000 I go, really?

00:01:22.000 He goes, yeah.

00:01:22.000 He goes, that one time that it happened in Colorado.

00:01:25.000 I'm like, fuck that.

00:01:25.000 That's never happened to me again.

00:01:26.000 I'm like, think about how many times people go to the movies and how rarely people get shot at the movie theater.

00:01:32.000 It's like one of the safest places.

00:01:34.000 But that one time, he just keeps a gun everywhere.

00:01:38.000 It's funny, after that last shooting, you know how you make reservations in a movie theater?

00:01:43.000 How you can pick your seats?

00:01:45.000 I noticed the next day, I went to a theater near the theater that there was a shooting, and I looked at the reservations, and it was all around the exits, like, instead of the middle.

00:01:55.000 That's so weird.

00:01:57.000 There hasn't been any mass shootings since COVID, right?

00:02:02.000 Right.

00:02:05.000 Have there?

00:02:05.000 No, there hasn't.

00:02:06.000 But what's a mass shooting, right?

00:02:07.000 More than two people.

00:02:09.000 Right?

00:02:10.000 Yeah, but there hasn't been, like, school shootings, like the big ones.

00:02:13.000 There hasn't been, like, what?

00:02:14.000 Has there?

00:02:15.000 I don't think so.

00:02:16.000 The problem is we get so numb to it.

00:02:18.000 Like, it might have happened and...

00:02:19.000 Yeah.

00:02:20.000 Oh, salute.

00:02:21.000 Cheers.

00:02:22.000 Cheers.

00:02:22.000 Adult beverages.

00:02:23.000 What is this?

00:02:24.000 Still Austin.

00:02:24.000 Some whiskey.

00:02:31.000 So, how's it been moving here, buddy?

00:02:33.000 It's great, man.

00:02:34.000 I took the trip.

00:02:35.000 I had the car drive me the whole way here, which was interesting.

00:02:38.000 Oh, did you do that?

00:02:39.000 Driving a Tesla from Los Angeles to Austin, that's an experience because you have to charge.

00:02:45.000 It takes a lot longer.

00:02:47.000 Does it get hairy when you look at your mileage and you try to figure out what the supercharger is?

00:02:52.000 No, it's pretty nice because it does route it.

00:02:55.000 It tells you, hey, you better go here.

00:02:57.000 You'll have so and so much time left.

00:03:00.000 There was one time where I got a little nervous just because there was a big traffic jam and stuff.

00:03:05.000 What's the lowest you ever got?

00:03:07.000 I think like nothing crazy, like five, ten percent.

00:03:10.000 No, ten percent.

00:03:11.000 Something like that.

00:03:11.000 Oh, okay.

00:03:12.000 That's not bad.

00:03:12.000 But driving the whole way there, it drove the whole way here, and that was so much easier.

00:03:18.000 The first night I drove 20 hours straight because I wasn't driving.

00:03:22.000 It was driving.

00:03:23.000 I was just bored.

00:03:24.000 I went through every single podcast.

00:03:27.000 You drove 20 hours straight.

00:03:28.000 How did you stay awake?

00:03:30.000 A lot of coffee, a lot of Red Bull.

00:03:32.000 What is that stuff?

00:03:34.000 Is it Provigil?

00:03:35.000 Is that Modafinil?

00:03:37.000 I always confuse that with Viagra.

00:03:41.000 What's that?

00:03:42.000 That's a different time of the day.

00:03:45.000 What happens when you take two of them together?

00:03:49.000 What is the Viagra stuff called?

00:03:52.000 Provigil.

00:03:52.000 Viagra.

00:03:53.000 No, but it's a...

00:03:54.000 Provigil and Modafinil is the...

00:03:57.000 Like, what's the real version?

00:03:58.000 What's the real name?

00:03:59.000 There's a thing.

00:04:00.000 It's like Sadafinil or something like that.

00:04:04.000 There's a thing.

00:04:05.000 Like the active ingredient.

00:04:07.000 Modafinil.

00:04:08.000 The brand name of Modafinil is Provigil.

00:04:10.000 Right.

00:04:10.000 But what is the actual chemical in Viagra?

00:04:15.000 That's what I confuse.

00:04:16.000 I confuse the two of them sometimes.

00:04:17.000 Just look at your prescription bottle right there.

00:04:19.000 Yeah, just look at the one that's in your pants.

00:04:21.000 In your matrix pocket.

00:04:24.000 What I took this morning was called sildenafil.

00:04:27.000 Sildenafil.

00:04:28.000 Sildenafil.

00:04:28.000 Okay.

00:04:29.000 Yeah.

00:04:30.000 There you go.

00:04:31.000 No, it was pretty easy.

00:04:32.000 I mean, I don't sleep that much.

00:04:34.000 I can stay up pretty late already.

00:04:37.000 So it was, you know, and what was cool is every time you charge, you have to like sit there for like 25 minutes, 30 minutes.

00:04:43.000 So you kind of like go outside.

00:04:45.000 What does that give you, 80%?

00:04:47.000 Yeah, it usually takes you up to 80% because when you're charging a Tesla, the first half of the battery charges way faster than the second half.

00:04:54.000 So it's faster to do it that way.

00:04:57.000 But there was a lot of stops and it kind of made it easier because you're stopping so much.

00:05:01.000 Because usually when you're on a road trip, you're driving like five, six hours until you get empty on a gas tank.

00:05:06.000 Yeah.

00:05:07.000 But I loved it, man.

00:05:08.000 It was great.

00:05:08.000 It almost killed me once, but other than that...

00:05:11.000 What happened?

00:05:12.000 It over...

00:05:12.000 A semi was getting into my lane, and it over-exaggerated.

00:05:16.000 Over-corrected?

00:05:17.000 Yeah, over-corrected.

00:05:18.000 So I did one of those where...

00:05:19.000 But the car handled it pretty self.

00:05:22.000 I didn't spin out where I think if it was a normal car, I would have flipped and done all that shit.

00:05:27.000 Well, you have the X, and so does Jamie, and the best thing about that one is the center of gravity is amazing.

00:05:31.000 They don't tip over.

00:05:32.000 You ever seen those things where they hit them?

00:05:34.000 Yeah.

00:05:35.000 That's too heavy.

00:05:35.000 They just come right back.

00:05:37.000 It's amazing.

00:05:39.000 There's a really cool website called Wham Bam Tesla Cam or something like that.

00:05:44.000 It's such a great idea.

00:05:46.000 It's just people sending all their Tesla Cam videos of all the accidents and stuff.

00:05:49.000 It's amazing.

00:05:50.000 Some of the videos you watch, you're so safe in a Tesla, especially the axe.

00:05:56.000 Is that the best one for safety?

00:05:58.000 I think so.

00:05:59.000 I think because it's just so big and heavy.

00:06:01.000 Do you see there's some pictures that came out today of the new S? No.

00:06:06.000 Oh god, it's so sexy.

00:06:07.000 Came out today?

00:06:08.000 Is it the plaid one?

00:06:09.000 The pictures, like some spy cam pictures came out today.

00:06:12.000 And the new design looks so amazing.

00:06:14.000 Is it the plaid one?

00:06:15.000 They don't know yet because supposedly there was plaid and a new refresh of the X and the S. And it might be the Plaid or it might be the new refresh.

00:06:26.000 But they've stopped production of the X and the S for like 14 days.

00:06:30.000 And supposedly they're going to see a refresh on both of them.

00:06:34.000 A lot of people are thinking the X is going to take away the doors and the Falcon Wing doors.

00:06:39.000 Yeah, but those are dope.

00:06:40.000 They're so great.

00:06:41.000 They shouldn't take that away.

00:06:42.000 I love that.

00:06:42.000 Were you there when Tiffany Haddish had it dancing in the parking lot?

00:06:45.000 That's why I bought my car.

00:06:46.000 You know that.

00:06:47.000 That happened that night.

00:06:48.000 I went home, I'm like, I'm getting one, and I did my dumb shit where I was drunk, and I'm like, I'm just gonna get a loan, and I bought it that night.

00:06:56.000 Next day I woke up, I'm like, no, I didn't.

00:06:59.000 But you love it.

00:07:00.000 Yeah.

00:07:00.000 Yeah, I love mine.

00:07:01.000 It's the dopest car.

00:07:03.000 Like, every other car is dumb.

00:07:05.000 Yeah.

00:07:05.000 That's just the reality of it.

00:07:07.000 I mean, I still love cars.

00:07:08.000 I love little cars.

00:07:09.000 I love trucks.

00:07:10.000 I love cars.

00:07:12.000 I'm an automobile enthusiast.

00:07:13.000 But the reality is, the Tesla's the best car.

00:07:16.000 It's just the best.

00:07:17.000 I haven't driven the Porsche Taycan, but I heard that's the shit, too.

00:07:20.000 There was a review today, or an article.

00:07:25.000 Where it beat a Porsche GT3 and a Turbo in some sort of a race, which is just bananas for this electric car can beat like their best performance cars.

00:07:35.000 Yeah, but no matter how hard they try or Ford tries with their electric cars, they're never going to have that supercharger network.

00:07:42.000 Yeah, that's...

00:07:43.000 That looks like a regular one.

00:07:44.000 Wait, no.

00:07:44.000 That's not the picture I saw, I don't think.

00:07:47.000 What's the difference?

00:07:49.000 I don't know.

00:07:49.000 I don't know if that's the same picture I saw.

00:07:51.000 Well, maybe it is.

00:07:52.000 See how the sides are kind of like...

00:07:54.000 Bulgy?

00:07:55.000 Yeah, or they kind of go indented or a little.

00:07:57.000 Yeah, what it looks like...

00:07:59.000 Well, it looks like the fender flares are bulged.

00:08:02.000 There's supposedly a new end back also.

00:08:04.000 The thing about the Plaid is the Plaid has wider tires and I think it has more battery life too, right?

00:08:12.000 Absolutely.

00:08:12.000 But that was the thing about the truck.

00:08:14.000 The truck can go to 500 miles.

00:08:17.000 That's going to fix a lot of shit.

00:08:18.000 As soon as you can do that.

00:08:20.000 Like, 300 miles is like, eww.

00:08:22.000 You know, and the Porsche, I don't think, even gets 250. Right.

00:08:25.000 And, like I was saying, there's no supercharger network for all these cars.

00:08:28.000 Right.

00:08:29.000 So, like, I mean, that was one thing.

00:08:30.000 I could never have done that with a Ford or a Porsche, you know, from the LA all the way here.

00:08:34.000 It would have taken me, like, a week.

00:08:36.000 I think there actually is a supercharger network for regular electric cars.

00:08:42.000 I just don't think it's the same setup.

00:08:46.000 I don't know.

00:08:47.000 I don't know how it is.

00:08:47.000 It's not the same speed and they're almost impossible to find.

00:08:51.000 Really?

00:08:52.000 Tesla has made it so there's stops everywhere, so they know if you're driving from LA to Austin, there's a path you can go.

00:09:00.000 Oh, so it tells you?

00:09:01.000 Yeah.

00:09:01.000 So if you put Austin as your navigation destination, it'll say, okay, Brian, you gotta stop here, you gotta stop here.

00:09:07.000 It takes you right there.

00:09:08.000 Yeah.

00:09:09.000 Yeah.

00:09:10.000 Hmm.

00:09:11.000 Unless Big Brother knows that you're going there, and then they wait for you.

00:09:14.000 What about this convertible conversion of a Model S? Is that real?

00:09:17.000 Yeah.

00:09:17.000 Yeah, there's a company in, I think, San Francisco that you can pay, it's like $30,000, and they'll convert any Tesla into a convertible, and it could either be automatic convertible or a hard top they just pull off.

00:09:30.000 Oh, well, you know what's dope is that they took a four-door and they turned it into a two-door, too.

00:09:36.000 Wow, that's pretty fresh.

00:09:38.000 I bet that shit leaks, though.

00:09:40.000 First rainstorm.

00:09:41.000 You think so?

00:09:42.000 Well, you know, any of those aftermarket things are probably good for like a year or two, you know?

00:09:47.000 Yeah, well, the real issue is the stability of the chassis, like the way the car is designed.

00:09:51.000 It's not designed to be a convertible.

00:09:54.000 That's one of the things they did with the new Corvette, is that they designed it to be a convertible right away.

00:10:01.000 So from the jump, it's a convertible.

00:10:03.000 So that when they make it a non-convertible, there's no rigidity loss.

00:10:09.000 I think they did that with a Porsche, with a 911, too.

00:10:12.000 They make them so that...

00:10:14.000 Because the problem with convertibles is always they feel like a little kind of shaky.

00:10:19.000 Like, they don't feel...

00:10:20.000 Like, even my Corvette, which is like an aftermarket chassis, it's like...

00:10:24.000 It doesn't feel like a solid car.

00:10:27.000 It feels...

00:10:28.000 There's a little wiggle to it that's uncomfortable.

00:10:31.000 There's like a little bit...

00:10:33.000 I'm thinking of ways that I could fix that.

00:10:35.000 I might bring it to someone and see if they can engineer something that keeps it from wiggling.

00:10:40.000 Yeah, more structure.

00:10:41.000 Yeah, but there's something about those cards that don't have a roof.

00:10:45.000 Remember I used to have that NSX? Yeah.

00:10:47.000 When you take the top off, it was like a top that you take off.

00:10:50.000 What's it called?

00:10:50.000 What are those things called?

00:10:51.000 Hard top shell.

00:10:52.000 But it's like a...

00:10:53.000 No, there's a name for it when you take...

00:11:00.000 A Targa?

00:11:00.000 Yeah.

00:11:01.000 It's like a Targa top.

00:11:02.000 So it's like one piece roof, you know, that you take off.

00:11:06.000 So it's like, it's not the whole roof, because you still have like the back pillars and everything.

00:11:10.000 But even then, you could feel it was like less stable.

00:11:13.000 It was like, it was more wiggly.

00:11:15.000 It wasn't as rigid.

00:11:17.000 Yeah, it makes you feel weird.

00:11:18.000 I don't think I want a convertible anymore.

00:11:20.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:11:21.000 That's what it looked like.

00:11:22.000 It looks like a little Fiero.

00:11:25.000 Fieros were like poor man's Ferrari.

00:11:27.000 My sister had a Fiero.

00:11:29.000 I loved it.

00:11:29.000 It was fresh.

00:11:30.000 She was balling out of control.

00:11:34.000 That was back in, like, the 80s.

00:11:36.000 Yeah.

00:11:37.000 Yeah, Fierros were fresh.

00:11:38.000 That was, like, Pontiac's version.

00:11:40.000 They don't even have Pontiacs anymore, man.

00:11:42.000 I know.

00:11:43.000 What was...

00:11:43.000 Oh, yeah, Firebird.

00:11:45.000 Pontiac.

00:11:45.000 That was the coolest car ever.

00:11:46.000 Bro, my legs are sweating so hard.

00:11:48.000 No, this is hot as hell.

00:11:49.000 I'm sweating.

00:11:50.000 This is...

00:11:51.000 Well, this is, like, the same material that they use when people, like, are freezing in the woods.

00:11:54.000 Yeah.

00:11:55.000 Where, like, you wrap yourself in a blanket.

00:11:57.000 It's crazy how much my legs are sweating.

00:11:59.000 Because my legs are...

00:12:00.000 I took my pants off, so...

00:12:01.000 It's like a sauna suit.

00:12:02.000 It is like a sauna suit.

00:12:03.000 Yeah.

00:12:03.000 Keep it up.

00:12:04.000 Yeah.

00:12:04.000 There you go.

00:12:04.000 I'm going to lose some weight today.

00:12:06.000 I'm going to get tight and in shape.

00:12:09.000 That sauna seat thing is weird.

00:12:11.000 Because I see people working out and I'm like, you know that's just water.

00:12:14.000 Right?

00:12:15.000 Like, what are you doing?

00:12:16.000 And it's dangerous, right?

00:12:17.000 It's not good.

00:12:18.000 It's good to sit in a sauna.

00:12:20.000 I don't necessarily think it's good to run in a rubber suit.

00:12:22.000 It's like, doesn't your body need to fucking cool off?

00:12:26.000 Like...

00:12:27.000 That's why you're losing all the water weight.

00:12:29.000 It's weird.

00:12:30.000 People just want to get on the scale and see a number.

00:12:32.000 Oh, look.

00:12:34.000 That's the thing of those waist things that people wear, those waist slimmers.

00:12:39.000 What are you doing?

00:12:40.000 Are you just lying to yourself?

00:12:42.000 They make them for guys.

00:12:42.000 I almost bought it because I was like, let's see how this goes.

00:12:45.000 I was like, I'm not buying that stupid thing.

00:12:46.000 It's like a sauna vest, it said.

00:12:48.000 They'll find you and target stupid ads your way.

00:12:50.000 I was like, what is this?

00:12:50.000 This guy's dumb.

00:12:52.000 He's dumb and weak.

00:12:53.000 God, I hate those target ads.

00:12:55.000 It's a thing where people don't want to do the whole...

00:12:59.000 Look, it's fucking hard to lose weight.

00:13:01.000 Everybody knows it.

00:13:02.000 So if someone can come along and they offer you some sort of a fix, like a suck weight belt, you're like, does it work?

00:13:12.000 Does it work?

00:13:13.000 If there was something that worked that actually could make you slimmer...

00:13:16.000 Fuck, man.

00:13:17.000 Have you seen Whitney using that thing that she puts on her ass where it's like these giant...

00:13:20.000 It looks like it's a thing that shocks someone awake when they're dead.

00:13:23.000 What is she doing?

00:13:24.000 They put it on her butt and it's just like a butt workout, she says.

00:13:27.000 I don't know.

00:13:27.000 I think that's just where they gram.

00:13:29.000 She'll probably explain it more, but I don't know what the fuck's doing.

00:13:32.000 I'm sweating like a pig under this thing.

00:13:33.000 Yeah, she's silly.

00:13:35.000 She's crazy.

00:13:35.000 She beats herself up a lot too.

00:13:37.000 I noticed like every other day she has a huge gash on her face or something like that.

00:13:41.000 COVID has not been unkind to a lot of us comedians that constantly need attention and need to perform.

00:13:49.000 Man, I've been performing out here.

00:13:50.000 It's so nice to be on stage again and having shows again.

00:13:54.000 It's weird, right?

00:13:55.000 She's coming out here.

00:13:55.000 Yeah?

00:13:56.000 Yeah, she doesn't know if she's going to move here, but she's thinking about it.

00:13:59.000 At least she's thinking about it.

00:14:00.000 Turn the air on, I was going to say.

00:14:01.000 It might be a little warm.

00:14:01.000 It's 73 in here.

00:14:02.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:03.000 You want to do it?

00:14:04.000 I don't know how to work it.

00:14:06.000 Thanks.

00:14:07.000 Yeah, a lot of people are moving here.

00:14:09.000 Fahim's moving here.

00:14:10.000 I know.

00:14:11.000 He comes out like next week or something.

00:14:13.000 Holtzman's going to be here in a couple weeks.

00:14:15.000 I got him on a show in a couple weeks to have Holtzman come back.

00:14:18.000 Jamar Neighbors is on on Friday.

00:14:20.000 Let's see if he wants to move here.

00:14:21.000 Yeah.

00:14:21.000 He just won his first...

00:14:22.000 We had him on the show last week.

00:14:24.000 He just won his first fight at TKO in the first round.

00:14:27.000 So is that the first fight he had?

00:14:29.000 Because he was going to do some amateur fights back when we were at the Comedy Store a year ago.

00:14:35.000 Right.

00:14:35.000 Yeah.

00:14:35.000 I think that's his first fight and he told me it was probably going to be his last fight.

00:14:38.000 Oh, really?

00:14:39.000 Yeah.

00:14:39.000 Good.

00:14:40.000 Yeah.

00:14:40.000 Yeah, I told him, I'm like, listen, he's a stud.

00:14:43.000 Like, you look at him, the guy's shredded.

00:14:44.000 He's obviously in tip-top Magoo shape.

00:14:47.000 But to be doing that, like, you really should only do that.

00:14:51.000 Yeah.

00:14:51.000 Fighting is not something...

00:14:52.000 Like, comedy requires a lot.

00:14:54.000 Yeah.

00:14:54.000 And fighting requires a lot.

00:14:56.000 And if you do the two of them together, you're going to miss something.

00:14:58.000 I felt like that when I was fighting and doing comedy at the same time in the beginning of my stand-up career.

00:15:05.000 I was half-assing both of them.

00:15:07.000 You just really can't do both.

00:15:09.000 Especially back then, I had a full-time job, too.

00:15:11.000 It's like, there's no way.

00:15:12.000 There's not enough time.

00:15:14.000 That's a thing, like, people want to, like, they think they could do everything.

00:15:18.000 You fucking can't.

00:15:20.000 You gotta know what your time is.

00:15:22.000 You know, like, what is the number of hours you have in the day?

00:15:25.000 Like, how much time do you really need for something, you know?

00:15:30.000 Yeah.

00:15:31.000 Yeah, I mean, especially when it comes to comedy, you should probably protect your head, not injure your head when you have to remember things and talk.

00:15:37.000 That's true, too.

00:15:38.000 But a little bit of brain damage is good for comedy.

00:15:41.000 It really is.

00:15:43.000 It is.

00:15:43.000 Like, look at Kenison, look at Roseanne Barr.

00:15:45.000 They didn't even get a little bit of brain damage.

00:15:47.000 They got a lot of brain damage.

00:15:48.000 They both got hit by cars.

00:15:49.000 But that's what made them.

00:15:52.000 Yeah.

00:15:53.000 Yeah.

00:15:54.000 Remember when Luke Skywalker got hit by a car after Star Wars and it changed his whole entire look?

00:16:02.000 Oh, that's right.

00:16:02.000 It fucked his face up, right?

00:16:05.000 Looks like a different person almost.

00:16:07.000 Almost?

00:16:07.000 It kind of looks pretty good now.

00:16:09.000 Did it take a while before they figured out how to fix it?

00:16:13.000 Well, I just know from if you look at Star Wars and then Empire Strikes Back, I think it was between those two movies, you could tell there was a definite...

00:16:20.000 I remember he had some kind of weird scar or something, or they tried to put a lot of makeup on his face to make him look a little bit more normal.

00:16:27.000 I thought it was...

00:16:28.000 Is that it?

00:16:30.000 What the heck?

00:16:31.000 Was that before the makeup?

00:16:34.000 Wow.

00:16:35.000 Wow.

00:16:36.000 Is that right?

00:16:37.000 I don't think that's it.

00:16:39.000 I was looking at the picture when he brought up the scar.

00:16:41.000 I don't think that's it.

00:16:42.000 I think the injury happened afterwards.

00:16:46.000 This is from Empire Strikes Back, so that would make sense.

00:16:49.000 Okay, before Empire Strikes Back began filming, Hamill was in a car accident and fractured his nose and left cheekbone.

00:16:55.000 Hmm.

00:16:56.000 What does it say?

00:16:57.000 Keep scrolling down again?

00:16:58.000 The wampa mauling Skywalker's face may have been a way to explain Hamill's appearance.

00:17:03.000 Let me see what it looks like there.

00:17:04.000 That's not that much difference.

00:17:06.000 Eh, it's a little different.

00:17:08.000 If you type in before and after, I remember there was a really good photo that kind of showed...

00:17:15.000 I guess I'm used to people getting their faces smashed in.

00:17:18.000 Right.

00:17:19.000 It's funny, but you do get accustomed to that.

00:17:24.000 Not much.

00:17:25.000 Not that big a difference.

00:17:27.000 Yeah, you get accustomed to people getting their face smashed in.

00:17:31.000 What number did you set the AC to?

00:17:34.000 69. I'm going to lose weight during this podcast.

00:17:37.000 It's at 73. It should be dropping slowly.

00:17:40.000 I can't believe how much sweatier these are than the other ones we've used.

00:17:43.000 Last time we wore these, I don't remember it being this bad either.

00:17:45.000 No.

00:17:46.000 This is a different one.

00:17:47.000 This is like, this must be that shit that they use when you get trapped in the woods.

00:17:52.000 You accidentally bought a real one.

00:17:53.000 When you're a hiker?

00:17:54.000 Yeah.

00:17:55.000 Because we did wear these silver ones before, but these are new ones.

00:17:59.000 These are different.

00:17:59.000 Yeah, these are different materials.

00:18:00.000 These seem more legit.

00:18:01.000 They're keeping you warm.

00:18:02.000 Yeah.

00:18:03.000 This is if, like, you go outside the spaceship.

00:18:05.000 We're going to have shiny heads this episode.

00:18:07.000 Yeah.

00:18:08.000 My shirt is already soaked.

00:18:11.000 It's not good.

00:18:14.000 So how has been doing Kill Tony here?

00:18:17.000 You're doing it at Antones, right?

00:18:18.000 It's great, man.

00:18:19.000 Antones is an amazing place.

00:18:21.000 I love that place.

00:18:22.000 It's got a lot of history.

00:18:24.000 You know, me and Tony pretty much...

00:18:25.000 No, that's the new one.

00:18:26.000 Oh, that is?

00:18:27.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:18:28.000 Antones in general has history, but that Antones is a fairly new location, apparently.

00:18:33.000 Oh, I didn't know that.

00:18:33.000 I didn't know that either.

00:18:34.000 Yeah, I mean, the venue's amazing.

00:18:37.000 Me and Tony have actually reset the whole entire show because the band didn't want to move out or they couldn't move out.

00:18:43.000 Jeremiah's about to have a baby and stuff like that.

00:18:45.000 So we got a whole new band.

00:18:47.000 We got Gary Clark Jr.'s band, which is just a legit band.

00:18:52.000 Wow!

00:18:53.000 And those guys already all got COVID, so they're not worried about shit.

00:18:57.000 That makes a lot of sense.

00:18:58.000 They're not worried about shit.

00:18:59.000 They got COVID when Jamie and I went to see Gary perform.

00:19:04.000 Jamie and I went to see Gary perform with Suzanne from Honey Honey and Tony.

00:19:10.000 And Tony got COVID. Everybody got COVID but me.

00:19:13.000 And me.

00:19:14.000 You weren't there that night.

00:19:16.000 I know, but...

00:19:17.000 But you still haven't got it.

00:19:18.000 How do you think you're not getting it?

00:19:20.000 I don't know if it's all the stuff you've been telling me to take.

00:19:22.000 Like, you know, I've been taking everything from zinc to turmeric or vitamin D, corstein.

00:19:29.000 I don't know, man.

00:19:30.000 It has to have something to do with it.

00:19:31.000 I think that, because I've been around, like, we did a podcast once where it was me, Brian Holtzman, and one of the guys had COVID right across from us, and the next day he got super sick, so he had it while we were all together in this locked, small room.

00:19:46.000 And Holtzman didn't get it?

00:19:47.000 None of us got it.

00:19:48.000 Is Holtzman on the vitamins too?

00:19:49.000 Yeah.

00:19:50.000 Really?

00:19:50.000 Yeah.

00:19:51.000 So it makes me wonder if, or that, if it's just some people are immune to it more than others.

00:19:57.000 Well, they do say that some people who've gotten colds, you know, like if you got colds and you develop immunity to coronavirus, it might in some way protect you from this coronavirus.

00:20:06.000 They also think there's some sort of variability that has to do, a lot of it is just guesswork, right?

00:20:11.000 They think there's some variability with blood type.

00:20:14.000 They think that like O positive blood, what blood type are you, dude?

00:20:16.000 I don't know.

00:20:17.000 I'm the one that anyone can take, I think.

00:20:20.000 I think that's O positive.

00:20:21.000 O positive, yeah.

00:20:21.000 I think that's it, right?

00:20:22.000 Is that it?

00:20:23.000 I don't know.

00:20:24.000 I think that's it.

00:20:26.000 I thought it was smoking for a while.

00:20:28.000 But then Dave Chappelle got it.

00:20:30.000 Yeah, but Dave has no symptoms at all.

00:20:32.000 What's that?

00:20:33.000 O negative.

00:20:33.000 O negative is the one that everybody can get?

00:20:35.000 Universal blood type.

00:20:36.000 Dave has no symptoms.

00:20:38.000 Yeah.

00:20:38.000 My real estate lady, no symptoms.

00:20:40.000 She went through the whole thing.

00:20:42.000 She goes, I never felt better in my life!

00:20:45.000 I wonder if David lost his sense, though.

00:20:47.000 Because I know a lot of people, they didn't have symptoms, but then they lost their taste or smell for like two days.

00:20:51.000 I don't know.

00:20:52.000 I'll call them later and ask them.

00:20:54.000 But Radio Rahim, his buddy, no symptoms either.

00:20:58.000 Right.

00:20:58.000 It's weird, man.

00:21:00.000 It's like, I wonder what's going on.

00:21:01.000 I wonder if there's a...

00:21:03.000 A thing that happens to a virus when it goes through a number of hosts, that it sort of dies off, that it becomes weaker.

00:21:10.000 And that's part of herd immunity.

00:21:12.000 Part of herd immunity is a bunch of people develop antibodies for it, and also the Spanish flu.

00:21:17.000 The Spanish flu kind of just died off.

00:21:20.000 And there's a thing about Fauci the other day.

00:21:22.000 He said the virus plateaued.

00:21:24.000 The problem is, like, you don't know with these motherfuckers how much of what they tell you is political.

00:21:30.000 Like, how much did they not tell us while Trump was in office?

00:21:34.000 And how much are they telling us now?

00:21:35.000 You know, like, in terms of...

00:21:38.000 What's safe and what's not safe, opening businesses, what you can do for your health.

00:21:43.000 It's weird.

00:21:44.000 It's such a fucking weird time.

00:21:45.000 I guess the UK has a new version that's more deadly.

00:21:48.000 Not more contagious, but more deadly.

00:21:50.000 Another new one?

00:21:50.000 Yeah, it just came out yesterday or today.

00:21:52.000 It's like fucking mixtapes.

00:21:54.000 I know.

00:21:55.000 Oh, God.

00:21:57.000 Yeah.

00:21:57.000 And China's wide open.

00:21:59.000 Is it?

00:22:00.000 Yeah.

00:22:00.000 Or where it started.

00:22:04.000 I saw this whole thing where they're just like nightclubs are all open.

00:22:07.000 Everyone's like going crazy.

00:22:09.000 I don't know about that, if that's real.

00:22:10.000 That might be propaganda.

00:22:11.000 You might get there and fucking everybody's welding inside their homes.

00:22:14.000 Yeah.

00:22:15.000 Who knows?

00:22:16.000 But I do know New Zealand, which has zero cases at all, like Dan Hooker just fought on Fight Island, and he can't go home.

00:22:23.000 He's from New Zealand.

00:22:24.000 He can't go home until he's quarantined until February 21st.

00:22:27.000 So if that means maybe if he goes home, he has to just sit tight and can't go anywhere and can't leave the house until February 21st before he goes outside.

00:22:35.000 But they have very strict quarantine laws when you get outside the country.

00:22:39.000 I think they have that in America too, right?

00:22:42.000 What is this?

00:22:43.000 Oh, yeah.

00:22:43.000 This is Wuhan now.

00:22:44.000 Look at that.

00:22:45.000 Yeah, but is that real?

00:22:46.000 Yeah.

00:22:47.000 These pictures are from a couple days ago.

00:22:50.000 They do kind of have masks.

00:22:51.000 Some of them do.

00:22:52.000 They always wear masks, right?

00:22:54.000 She pulled out her mask to smell that dude.

00:22:55.000 Look at her.

00:22:57.000 I just smell you.

00:22:59.000 Wow.

00:23:00.000 February 2020. March, I guess.

00:23:04.000 And here we are in 2021, and they're buck wild.

00:23:08.000 Mm-hmm.

00:23:09.000 So what has happened?

00:23:10.000 It's gone through the city.

00:23:13.000 They haven't been vaccinated, right?

00:23:15.000 Do they have a vaccine?

00:23:16.000 I wonder.

00:23:17.000 I wonder if everyone just got it.

00:23:20.000 I'll look through and see if they have a conclusion in here.

00:23:23.000 Finally, people are accepting the idea that this might have come from a fucking lab.

00:23:26.000 It's hilarious.

00:23:27.000 I brought it up once with Brett Weinstein and some fucking ridiculous liberal smear website was saying that I'm promoting a dangerous conspiracy that had emanated from a lab.

00:23:40.000 Like, the fucking lab is right there!

00:23:42.000 It's not a conspiracy theory.

00:23:43.000 The lab's right there.

00:23:44.000 Like, it's not like we're making up the fact that there's a level four lab right there.

00:23:48.000 It's fucking right there.

00:23:49.000 There's two labs there, by the way.

00:23:51.000 Like, what are you talking about?

00:23:52.000 Is that a dangerous conspiracy?

00:23:54.000 Because they thought it was because of Trump.

00:23:56.000 Because Trump.

00:23:56.000 Trump was such a problem for so many people.

00:23:59.000 Any theory that you had, if Trump was like anti-China, you couldn't say anything that possibly would connect China to making a mistake that caused this virus to be released.

00:24:11.000 You'd be a part of it.

00:24:12.000 You'd be alt-right.

00:24:13.000 How long do you think until Trump comes on this podcast?

00:24:16.000 He's not going to.

00:24:17.000 You're not going to have him on?

00:24:17.000 No, I don't think so.

00:24:18.000 I don't think so.

00:24:19.000 Even a couple months, maybe, though.

00:24:22.000 Why?

00:24:23.000 You know, he's going to try to run again, I think.

00:24:25.000 You think?

00:24:26.000 Yeah, I think he's going to do that Patriot Party thing.

00:24:28.000 That's what I think.

00:24:29.000 He's going to do something.

00:24:31.000 He's going to come up with some name for it.

00:24:32.000 But Patriot Party seems right up his alley.

00:24:35.000 Yeah.

00:24:36.000 That seems like the kind of party that a guy who has a gold toilet would come up with.

00:24:39.000 That's the name.

00:24:40.000 I would imagine he has a gold toilet.

00:24:42.000 He calls it the Patriot Party.

00:24:44.000 He's probably going to do his first press conference on American flag tie.

00:24:50.000 It's probably going to do well if he does, but I don't think it's going to do as well as it did last time.

00:24:54.000 It would have done much better if it wasn't for the Capitol Hill attack.

00:24:58.000 The Capitol Hill attack sunk his battleship.

00:25:02.000 I think that's a wrap.

00:25:04.000 I think that's a wrap for him.

00:25:07.000 His aspirations...

00:25:09.000 First of all, they're never going to let that die.

00:25:12.000 They have this thing that he did that is real.

00:25:15.000 It's a real thing.

00:25:16.000 He really did say, we need a show of strength, march towards the Capitol.

00:25:20.000 He really did incite these people to do this.

00:25:23.000 And a lot of the people that did do it, they're using him saying that as their legal defense.

00:25:28.000 The people that got arrested, they say, Trump told us to.

00:25:31.000 Yeah, it's fucked.

00:25:32.000 Bro.

00:25:33.000 And now he's immune to all these lawsuits.

00:25:35.000 I bet he's just going to have piles of lawsuits.

00:25:38.000 He's not immune to lawsuits.

00:25:39.000 Well, he's also in trouble because whatever lawsuits...

00:25:45.000 He could have never pardoned himself from the lawsuits from the state.

00:25:50.000 So the state, like all the criminal charges the state was filing against him, were always going to be possible.

00:25:58.000 And New York State apparently is filing a bunch of shit against him.

00:26:01.000 They're not going to let him go, man.

00:26:03.000 It's going to be rough.

00:26:04.000 It's going to be a rough time.

00:26:05.000 Probably jail time, I imagine.

00:26:07.000 He should have pardoned Snowden.

00:26:08.000 He should have pardoned Snowden and should have pardoned Julian Assange.

00:26:12.000 They're coming after him anyway.

00:26:14.000 At least he would have got the support of a lot of people on the left.

00:26:18.000 At least he would have got the support of a lot of people that could have at least...

00:26:25.000 Acknowledge the positive things that he did.

00:26:27.000 Like the fact, oh yeah, the economy was kicking ass before COVID. Oh yeah, unemployment was down.

00:26:32.000 Oh yeah, deregulation does have some benefits.

00:26:35.000 But yeah, he did bad things.

00:26:36.000 But this is, you know, this is real.

00:26:39.000 But no one's even going to talk about those things now.

00:26:42.000 You'll hear it from some Republicans that'll bring up, what about the good things that Trump did?

00:26:47.000 And they'll have like some Fox News segments where they'll discuss it.

00:26:50.000 You know, OAN, that network, and Newsmax, they'll fucking try to beat it down, but at the end of the day, that Capitol Hill thing, that's a wrap.

00:26:59.000 I'm surprised he didn't do Tiger King, man.

00:27:02.000 Like, you know, that guy was trying so hard.

00:27:05.000 I think he said that Trump felt like he was too gay to pardon me.

00:27:13.000 But meanwhile, he's a perfect example where I don't buy that this country's homophobic.

00:27:19.000 Like, that guy was the most popular man in the country for several months during the quarantine when everybody's locked in their house and people loved him.

00:27:27.000 They loved him.

00:27:29.000 And he's gay as fuck.

00:27:30.000 Not only is he gay as fuck, he's converting straight guys.

00:27:33.000 He's banging straight guys.

00:27:35.000 Giving them meth and butt-fucking them and then having them work with tigers.

00:27:39.000 He does a totally irresponsible thing, right?

00:27:41.000 He has fucking wild predators that he keeps locked up in these stupid fences.

00:27:46.000 He's totally irresponsible.

00:27:47.000 But meanwhile, he was our number one hero.

00:27:49.000 I mean...

00:27:51.000 It just shows you.

00:27:52.000 Like, if you're just an undeniable character, and he's an undeniable character, we're like, ah, we fucking like him.

00:27:58.000 We don't care if you're gay.

00:27:59.000 We don't.

00:28:00.000 We just don't like annoying people.

00:28:02.000 And if you're gay and you happen to be annoying, people just don't like you, you say, oh, those people are homophobic.

00:28:08.000 Maybe not.

00:28:10.000 Maybe you're just annoying.

00:28:11.000 Maybe people aren't really that homophobic.

00:28:14.000 Maybe it's a small percentage of the population today that are homophobic.

00:28:18.000 Maybe what's really going on is you're annoying.

00:28:21.000 You know?

00:28:22.000 Maybe that's it.

00:28:23.000 Absolutely.

00:28:24.000 Tiger King Joe Exotic now wants a pardon from Biden.

00:28:27.000 Eh, not gonna happen.

00:28:28.000 It's not gonna happen.

00:28:29.000 Buddy, how long is he in jail for?

00:28:31.000 Ten years, I believe.

00:28:32.000 So he's probably going to be out in five, wouldn't he?

00:28:34.000 Is he only in ten years?

00:28:35.000 That's what I thought.

00:28:36.000 What do you go to jail for?

00:28:39.000 Wasn't he trying to kill somebody?

00:28:40.000 Unfortunately, Joe Exotic, one of the hit men, yeah, there you go, he attempted to hire, was an undercover FBI agent.

00:28:46.000 Exotic was arrested and charged with two counts of murder for hire, eight counts of violating the Lacey Act for falsifying wildlife records, and nine counts of violating the Endangered Species Act.

00:28:57.000 Well, how long is he in jail for?

00:29:01.000 Why did he think that Trump was going to pardon him?

00:29:02.000 It doesn't make any sense that Trump would pardon him.

00:29:04.000 Because his...

00:29:05.000 Wait, hold on.

00:29:05.000 Scroll down again.

00:29:06.000 Fox News reports the Exotic legal team had fully believed that Exotic's names would be included on the list of pardons granted by Trump prior to his last day in office.

00:29:15.000 One legal team member had even waited in a limousine outside the prison in which Exotic is being held in the event the pardon was announced.

00:29:22.000 I was trying to show you a video of that.

00:29:24.000 It's a big, long stretch, like Hummer limo.

00:29:26.000 Hummer limo, of course it was.

00:29:28.000 The limo driver's just sitting there like, anytime now, waiting for the call, it's a sad thing.

00:29:31.000 I wonder why they thought Trump was going to do it.

00:29:33.000 Well, it's because Trump's people kind of match with him, you know?

00:29:37.000 That whole show was pretty much Trump people, or Trumpers, you know?

00:29:41.000 Like the cast, I guess.

00:29:43.000 Oh, the people that were on it?

00:29:44.000 Yeah.

00:29:45.000 Well, the less sophisticated Trumpers.

00:29:47.000 Right.

00:29:48.000 Right.

00:29:48.000 You got Trumpers that are like the Republican businessman type who want no regulations for anything and they want to just be able to dump toxic waste into the river.

00:29:57.000 And then you got the Trumpers that are just not that sophisticated.

00:30:01.000 They're like, he's my guy!

00:30:03.000 You know, when you're like coming down off of meth and you don't want to think too much and he says something cool on TV like, yeah!

00:30:10.000 I vote for him!

00:30:11.000 You know, they say, I started watching this show last night.

00:30:16.000 Have you seen my 1,000 pound sisters?

00:30:21.000 Have you talked about this a million times?

00:30:23.000 No, I can't.

00:30:23.000 I can't watch that.

00:30:25.000 Wow, that's crack right there.

00:30:27.000 I can't watch that.

00:30:28.000 All those shows, TLC or whatever network, they do a good job to just reel you in and just make you watch everything.

00:30:35.000 Good job of exploiting people.

00:30:36.000 Yeah.

00:30:37.000 What a good job.

00:30:40.000 But yeah, I highly recommend watching that show.

00:30:42.000 It makes you feel so good about yourself.

00:30:45.000 I highly recommend you try some of this tobacco.

00:30:47.000 Oh, this looks like good tobacco.

00:30:48.000 It's very good tobacco.

00:30:51.000 Yeah, I don't like those shows, man.

00:30:52.000 They make me feel sad.

00:30:56.000 I don't know why.

00:30:59.000 But particularly people that are overweight.

00:31:03.000 Like those people that can't move.

00:31:06.000 They need to fucking get cut out of their house.

00:31:08.000 They depress the shit out of me.

00:31:10.000 Yeah.

00:31:11.000 Everything changes when you have kids, dude.

00:31:12.000 Because you look at them as like, that was someone's baby.

00:31:15.000 Like, that was someone's baby.

00:31:16.000 This guy...

00:31:17.000 He got a shit deal.

00:31:19.000 He got parents that just probably didn't pay attention to him or someone abused him or he got terrible habits that he developed early on or he got bullied or horrible things happened and now here he is just satisfying himself with stuffing things in his mouth all day.

00:31:34.000 It's sad, you know?

00:31:35.000 Yeah.

00:31:37.000 The show is pretty sad and depressing, especially when you realize...

00:31:41.000 Because a lot of those people, you always wonder, how much do they really eat?

00:31:46.000 And then you watch them ask them, how many soda poppies do you have per day?

00:31:51.000 And they're like, 12, 14. Holy shit!

00:31:54.000 Yeah, that's where a lot of it comes from, the sugar.

00:31:57.000 A lot of them are drinking it.

00:31:59.000 They're drinking their fat on.

00:32:00.000 Dude, I tell you, Liquid IV has saved my life from not having...

00:32:04.000 I used to always be like Diet Cokes and Gatorades and PowerAids and stuff.

00:32:08.000 I drink like three of those a day now.

00:32:11.000 Dude, the Onnit gym is not too far from here, son.

00:32:14.000 How about you go on down there?

00:32:15.000 I'm going to build a gym.

00:32:16.000 I have a room for a gym.

00:32:18.000 I just need to buy something.

00:32:18.000 Yeah, but the problem is what you need is a trainer.

00:32:22.000 You need someone that makes you work.

00:32:23.000 That's what you need.

00:32:24.000 That's how you're going to lose weight.

00:32:25.000 That's how you're going to get healthy.

00:32:27.000 You're not going to do it on your own.

00:32:28.000 You know how I know that?

00:32:29.000 Because you've never done it yet.

00:32:30.000 I've known you forever.

00:32:31.000 I'm a trainer.

00:32:32.000 I've known you for so many years.

00:32:33.000 Yeah, but you've known that I'm good at diets and I can take like...

00:32:37.000 You did lose a...

00:32:39.000 A shitload of weight once.

00:32:40.000 65 pounds or something like that.

00:32:41.000 Yeah, but that was like breakup time and you got energized.

00:32:45.000 You were trying to get laid.

00:32:46.000 What's weird now is that it's so funny because if you would see what I eat every day, you'd be like, how is that possible?

00:32:54.000 Like whatever, my metabolism's just got to be the worst metabolism ever.

00:33:00.000 Well, the problem is, here's the thing.

00:33:02.000 In order to lose weight, you can't eat reasonably.

00:33:06.000 Right.

00:33:06.000 Because that's just going to keep the weight on you.

00:33:09.000 Like where your body's at right now, right?

00:33:11.000 Your body's not burning the fat, right?

00:33:13.000 Especially if you're eating carbohydrates.

00:33:15.000 Your body is burning mostly probably carbs.

00:33:17.000 So whatever you eat, if you eat enough to just fuel you during the day, you will stay the exact same weight.

00:33:23.000 And people are like, well, look, Brian eats really reasonably.

00:33:26.000 True.

00:33:27.000 But that doesn't make up for all the shit you ate all those years that make the weight pack on you.

00:33:34.000 So to lose weight, you have to be at a calorie deficit.

00:33:37.000 That's the end of it.

00:33:38.000 You could go keto, and you can go paleo, and there's probably some benefits in that, and bloating, and visceral fat.

00:33:47.000 You know, from eating too much gluten and sugar and stuff.

00:33:50.000 But at the end of the day, the only real way to lose weight is to be at a calorie deficit.

00:33:57.000 Like when I was doing the carnivore diet last year, I lost a shitload of weight because I didn't do any cheating.

00:34:04.000 This year I cheated a bunch.

00:34:05.000 I got bored.

00:34:06.000 I ate chips the other day with salsa.

00:34:08.000 It was so delicious.

00:34:09.000 And I've had dessert three times.

00:34:11.000 So I've cheated like at least four times.

00:34:13.000 But still, pretty strict.

00:34:15.000 Other than that, I'm just eating meat.

00:34:18.000 But that year, I didn't cheat at all.

00:34:20.000 Last year, I didn't cheat at all, and I didn't eat much.

00:34:22.000 I ate mostly ribeyes.

00:34:23.000 I was eating like ribeye steaks.

00:34:25.000 I'd eat a ribeye in the morning, and then I'd be pretty satisfied until nighttime, and then I'd eat a little bit of meat at nighttime, and I lost 12 pounds in a month.

00:34:33.000 I've lost five pounds this year.

00:34:34.000 I loved being on the keto.

00:34:36.000 I want to actually do that again, especially living here.

00:34:39.000 But it's just so boring after five months or so.

00:34:43.000 You're just like, God, I just want chips and sauce.

00:34:45.000 Sometimes you just want a bowl of rice.

00:34:48.000 Sometimes you just want rice with chicken and some garlic sauce.

00:34:52.000 You remember that place, that Cuban place that was in Encino?

00:34:55.000 Did you ever eat there with us?

00:34:56.000 Oh, yeah.

00:34:56.000 Hell yeah.

00:34:57.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:34:57.000 What's that called again?

00:34:59.000 For size.

00:35:00.000 That's right.

00:35:01.000 For size.

00:35:02.000 Cuban food.

00:35:02.000 The sandwich, the pepper sandwiches.

00:35:05.000 Me and you, Joey Diaz.

00:35:06.000 Dude, that chicken with garlic.

00:35:09.000 It's like a garlic lemon sauce with onions.

00:35:12.000 With a lot of raw onions and rice.

00:35:15.000 We would just...

00:35:17.000 Just inflate ourselves at that place.

00:35:19.000 It was so good.

00:35:20.000 There's something about interesting cultures.

00:35:23.000 Foods are so distinctive.

00:35:24.000 If you go to a Cuban restaurant, the food is almost like the people.

00:35:29.000 It's almost like festive and celebratory.

00:35:31.000 The food's got a lot of fun to it.

00:35:36.000 Whereas other food is like...

00:35:39.000 I mean, I guess sushi is disciplined, right?

00:35:43.000 Because of these disciplined portions, and the tastes are delicate, and it's made...

00:35:48.000 Have you ever seen Jiro Dreams of Sushi?

00:35:50.000 Oh, yeah.

00:35:51.000 It's amazing, right?

00:35:52.000 I thought it was going to be boring.

00:35:53.000 I was like, I'm not going to watch a documentary around a guy who makes sushi.

00:35:55.000 You cut fish, you put it on rice.

00:35:58.000 Ignorant me.

00:35:59.000 You watch it and you go, oh, okay.

00:36:01.000 Well, this is like everything else.

00:36:03.000 Making sushi is kind of like everything else.

00:36:06.000 There's some people that just go way past where everybody else is doing it.

00:36:10.000 That's that ATX Sushi Bar ATX, whatever they call it.

00:36:15.000 What is it?

00:36:15.000 What is the name of it?

00:36:16.000 Sushi Bar ATX? Yeah.

00:36:18.000 The place out here?

00:36:18.000 Yeah.

00:36:19.000 Goddamn, it was good, dude.

00:36:20.000 Yeah, I have a reservation next month.

00:36:22.000 I'm freaking out.

00:36:23.000 I can't wait.

00:36:23.000 It's so good.

00:36:24.000 It's incredible.

00:36:25.000 But they're artists.

00:36:26.000 That's the thing.

00:36:27.000 Like, that was becoming friends with Bourdain and watching his show.

00:36:30.000 There it is.

00:36:31.000 Sushi Bar.

00:36:32.000 It made me realize, mostly watching his show really made me realize, even before I became friends with him, that food is an art form.

00:36:39.000 I didn't think of it that way.

00:36:40.000 I always just thought of it as food.

00:36:42.000 Just, it tastes good.

00:36:43.000 Oh, that guy knows how to make that.

00:36:45.000 Oh, that's delicious when she makes it.

00:36:46.000 It's good food.

00:36:47.000 But I didn't realize, like, oh, that's like...

00:36:50.000 Like, I'm narrow-minded with my view of what an art is, you know?

00:36:53.000 Yeah, especially when it comes with food.

00:36:55.000 If you can make me eat something that I normally think is disgusting and make me go crave it, that's amazing.

00:37:01.000 Like, when you first, a long time ago, you took me to get Fog Raw for my first time, and I was scared.

00:37:06.000 I was disgusted.

00:37:07.000 I was like, you're, like, telling me how horrible it is and how...

00:37:11.000 I mean, not horrible, but what they do.

00:37:14.000 This is like me having sushi.

00:37:16.000 I had sushi for my first time 10 years prior to this.

00:37:19.000 I'm a new Ohio guy.

00:37:21.000 And I remember you sat me down, and you got me my own plate.

00:37:25.000 You're like, you want your own.

00:37:27.000 I'm thinking in my head, I'm going to barf.

00:37:29.000 I'm going to have to force myself to eat this.

00:37:30.000 That first bite, it just melted in your mouth like butter and just so delicious.

00:37:35.000 Your body knows that liver is good for you.

00:37:38.000 It's just like regular liver just is too weird.

00:37:41.000 The texture is weird.

00:37:43.000 We're babies when it comes to food.

00:37:45.000 But you know who knows?

00:37:46.000 Dogs.

00:37:47.000 You ever eat liver around your dog?

00:37:48.000 They go fucking crazy.

00:37:50.000 They get real close to you.

00:37:52.000 They're like, please, please hook me up.

00:37:55.000 It's like no other food to them.

00:37:57.000 It appeals to their weird wolf DNA. They want the liver.

00:38:00.000 You would think, though, after that I started getting adventurous because you showed me what real good food like that is.

00:38:07.000 So I went into that animal place in Hollywood and I went and got brain.

00:38:11.000 I think it was like cow brain.

00:38:12.000 Oh, calves brain probably.

00:38:13.000 Yeah, you'd think that was good.

00:38:15.000 That was horrible.

00:38:16.000 That was creepy.

00:38:17.000 I did not like that.

00:38:18.000 Even though it was prepared, probably amazing.

00:38:20.000 It was the texture of...

00:38:22.000 What is that?

00:38:23.000 That cotton candy foie gras.

00:38:25.000 Oh yeah, that was in Vegas.

00:38:28.000 Bazaar?

00:38:28.000 Yeah.

00:38:28.000 What?

00:38:29.000 Yeah, Bazaar.

00:38:30.000 That is very good.

00:38:32.000 Bazaar Meats in Vegas.

00:38:33.000 It was basically cotton candy with fogwa in it.

00:38:35.000 What did that taste like?

00:38:36.000 That does not seem good at all.

00:38:38.000 It was good.

00:38:39.000 It was just like a bite of food.

00:38:41.000 Yeah.

00:38:41.000 Oh really?

00:38:41.000 It's very small, but it's amazing.

00:38:44.000 Oh, okay.

00:38:44.000 It's small.

00:38:45.000 I thought that was a big thing.

00:38:47.000 That's a place where they're dedicated to a certain style of cooking meat.

00:38:52.000 Oh, okay.

00:38:52.000 Yeah.

00:38:53.000 Oh, that's cool.

00:38:54.000 They were cool.

00:38:54.000 It was weird.

00:38:55.000 I remember we ordered it and they were like, whoa, is this it?

00:38:58.000 That place, they're dedicated to cooking meat over wood coals.

00:39:02.000 They burn their own wood.

00:39:04.000 You remember that?

00:39:05.000 See if you can get a photo of the grill at that place.

00:39:08.000 Because it's pretty dope, man.

00:39:09.000 Like, they made their own grill.

00:39:11.000 Like, they put logs in there and shit.

00:39:12.000 And then the wood burns down to these coals, and they scrape the coals down, and then they lower the grill.

00:39:19.000 It's all, like, by hand.

00:39:21.000 It's all old school, sort of like...

00:39:24.000 There's a lot of Florence, Italy.

00:39:26.000 They make their steaks like that.

00:39:28.000 There it is.

00:39:29.000 See?

00:39:30.000 So it's logs, and they're cooking the food right over the wood, and there's a flavor that gives...

00:39:36.000 That's why those Traeger grills are so good, because it's really just wood and fire.

00:39:41.000 But these guys do it like the super old-school-y way with logs.

00:39:45.000 So it's just fire and wood.

00:39:47.000 It's not propane.

00:39:49.000 They're just lighting logs on fire.

00:39:52.000 And the food is just like...

00:39:54.000 There's something about it, man.

00:39:57.000 It's really good.

00:39:58.000 That's great.

00:39:58.000 It's really good.

00:39:59.000 A lot of places they do it that way.

00:40:01.000 See how they have these logs underneath?

00:40:04.000 And then they just push it to the side.

00:40:06.000 And then they can raise and lower that wheel.

00:40:09.000 See the wheels on the top?

00:40:11.000 Those are what operate the height of the grill.

00:40:14.000 So they decide, like, oh, this fire is hot as fuck.

00:40:16.000 Let me raise this bitch up.

00:40:17.000 Or I want to try to cook it a little slower.

00:40:20.000 I want to wait on it.

00:40:22.000 Or bring it up to the top and cook it slow.

00:40:25.000 That's cool.

00:40:26.000 There's something about when people do it with real wood, right?

00:40:29.000 Like if you go to a barbecue place, you see them using the barbecue pits and throwing the logs in there and checking it and tending it.

00:40:35.000 You know it's annoying, right?

00:40:37.000 It's got to be annoying.

00:40:38.000 How much time does that take?

00:40:39.000 I used to do that in the Boy Scouts back in the day.

00:40:41.000 I haven't done it since.

00:40:43.000 Like cooking a brisket, if you do it right, I bet that takes like fucking eight hours or some shit.

00:40:48.000 Sure.

00:40:49.000 How long does it take to cook a brisket?

00:40:52.000 Eight to ten hours at home.

00:40:55.000 Professional Argentinian parilla?

00:41:01.000 So this is what it is for a home or restaurant.

00:41:04.000 How much is this?

00:41:06.000 Joe, what would you guess this is?

00:41:07.000 The wood's big and it's beautiful so it probably costs a lot of money.

00:41:10.000 Yep, let's guess.

00:41:12.000 Look at how it's got it, man.

00:41:13.000 Oh, this is amazing.

00:41:15.000 And you can roll it down.

00:41:17.000 You got a folding shelf.

00:41:19.000 Come on, son.

00:41:19.000 All the prep.

00:41:21.000 I want that girl so bad.

00:41:22.000 Isn't it funny that what is old is now new?

00:41:25.000 People like doing caveman shit.

00:41:29.000 There's something about sitting in front of a fire.

00:41:31.000 I bet it was hard to get a fire for so long that that shit's burned into our DNA. It's like catching a fish.

00:41:38.000 It's fucking hard to catch a fish, right?

00:41:40.000 So when you catch a fish, your body's like, oh, we got one.

00:41:43.000 Why are you excited about catching a fish?

00:41:45.000 You would not be excited if you caught like a duck with a hook.

00:41:49.000 You'd be sad.

00:41:50.000 You're like, shit, I got this duck all fucked up.

00:41:52.000 But meanwhile, you eat duck.

00:41:54.000 So why are we so excited about catching fish?

00:41:57.000 Because it was probably really fucking hard to do.

00:41:59.000 So, like, it's probably really fucking hard to have a campfire.

00:42:02.000 So when you're camping, it's not just the campfire feels good.

00:42:05.000 It, like, fires up some old, like, ancient DNA memory.

00:42:09.000 Like, oh, campfire, good.

00:42:11.000 We stay alive tonight.

00:42:12.000 Yes.

00:42:13.000 Yes.

00:42:14.000 We did it.

00:42:15.000 Like, being out there alone, with the sky above you, nothing but stars and trees and shit, and you've got a fire in front of you, like, oh.

00:42:21.000 It's a special kind of excitement, right?

00:42:23.000 Mm-hmm.

00:42:24.000 And then you know you're just going to lay down in a little cloth house in the wilderness.

00:42:29.000 The only thing that saves you is like maybe you have a weapon or maybe you have your friends will beat the bear off of you.

00:42:34.000 They decide to just like use your fucking tent as a sushi wrap for your body, you know?

00:42:41.000 Like people have been attacked in tents before.

00:42:44.000 One of Steve Rinella's friends had a hunting trip where this guy was his first time, not that guy, but the guy's friend, was his first time hunting.

00:42:53.000 And in the sleeping bag, I think it was his first night, he got attacked by a 500-pound predatory black bear.

00:43:00.000 And they shot the bear, and apparently the bullet hit the dude in the wrist, so it broke the guy's wrist.

00:43:05.000 So they shot the bear and eventually shot it and killed it.

00:43:09.000 But, like, his friend shot the bear and the bullet hit him.

00:43:11.000 Like...

00:43:12.000 Like, fuck, man!

00:43:14.000 Jesus Christ!

00:43:15.000 You know?

00:43:16.000 I mean, but, you know, if you've got a bear mauling you and you've got your arms raised and your buddy shoots it and it hits you, like...

00:43:22.000 What a rough night.

00:43:24.000 You got shot.

00:43:25.000 You're getting mauled.

00:43:25.000 The bear's literally trying to eat you while you're in your bed.

00:43:28.000 Everybody's worth a nightmare.

00:43:29.000 Go to sleep in this cloth fucking fake house in the middle of the wilderness.

00:43:33.000 Should be fine.

00:43:33.000 Everybody loves to do it.

00:43:35.000 Everybody knows what they're doing, right?

00:43:36.000 And all of a sudden...

00:43:37.000 This thing is tearing your body apart.

00:43:41.000 Your friend shoots you.

00:43:43.000 And eventually they get it.

00:43:46.000 What a night.

00:43:47.000 I was just watching the Patriot last night.

00:43:49.000 Remember wolves we've talked about were an issue in a couple wars, but were bears?

00:43:53.000 Oh, yeah.

00:43:54.000 Did they have to stop fighting because bears were fucking people up?

00:43:57.000 No, that's not real.

00:43:57.000 No, no, that's not real.

00:43:58.000 Bears don't act in packs.

00:44:00.000 See, the things that makes wolves so dangerous is they act in packs.

00:44:04.000 And so during World War I, when the Russians and the Germans literally did have a ceasefire, now the Meat Eater website actually went and researched this, because I've said it so many times irresponsibly.

00:44:16.000 But I was told it by a legitimate historian, I believe.

00:44:18.000 I'm trying to remember who told me it.

00:44:20.000 I don't remember.

00:44:21.000 It's that goddamn tobacco.

00:44:23.000 Gosh, darn that tobacco.

00:44:25.000 Gosh, darn that tobacco.

00:44:26.000 But it was a real thing.

00:44:28.000 They really did have a ceasefire because the troops were getting torn apart by wolves.

00:44:31.000 Because wolves, when they're hungry, man, if you've got to think about it, there's a few hundred guys, and how many bullets can you even fire back then?

00:44:42.000 I'm looking at their website.

00:44:43.000 This has become a favorite bit of bar and banter among amateur historians like the powerful Joe Rogan.

00:44:50.000 I'm not even a fucking amateur historian.

00:44:53.000 Maybe one day I'd like to be an amateur historian guy.

00:44:56.000 So in 1917, a dispatch from Berlin noted large packs of wolves moving into populated areas of the German Empire from the forests of Lithuania and look at that name, Volhynia.

00:45:08.000 Volhynia.

00:45:09.000 Locals hypothesized that war efforts displaced the wolves so the canines started seeking out new hunting grounds.

00:45:15.000 The hungry wolves infiltrated rural villages, attacked calves, sheep, goats, and in two cases children.

00:45:21.000 We're good to go.

00:45:49.000 The Russian and German soldiers temporarily stopped being enemies.

00:45:52.000 Once they found a common foe, both sides agreed to a ceasefire if the wolves interrupted another battle.

00:45:59.000 Isn't that hilarious?

00:46:00.000 Poison, rifle, hand grenades, and even machine guns were successfully tried in attempts to eradicate the nuisance, according to a 1917 New York Times article.

00:46:12.000 But all to no avail.

00:46:13.000 The wolves, nowhere to be found quite so large and powerful as in Russia, were desperate in their hunger and...

00:46:20.000 And regardless of danger, as a last resort, two adversaries with the consent of their commanders entered into negotiations for an armistice and joined forces to overcome the wolf plague.

00:46:36.000 Wow.

00:46:37.000 Isn't that wild?

00:46:38.000 That's what people really need, right?

00:46:40.000 We need aliens invading us so we come together like in a Tom Cruise movie.

00:46:45.000 That's what America needs right now.

00:46:46.000 We need an alien invasion.

00:46:49.000 That's what the wolves are, right?

00:46:50.000 They're not us.

00:46:51.000 They're something else.

00:46:52.000 We can all decide.

00:46:52.000 I like people, even Russians that we're at war with or Germans that we're at war with, if you're on the other side.

00:46:58.000 I like them more than I like wolves.

00:47:00.000 What if we have an alien invasion like every week and we just don't know about it?

00:47:03.000 Well, isn't that what a virus is, man?

00:47:06.000 What's a virus?

00:47:07.000 You know, I know it's here.

00:47:09.000 Right.

00:47:09.000 But it's not us.

00:47:10.000 And it's an invasion.

00:47:12.000 Like, this thing, it's almost like, if one day, right, Elon Musk is terrified about artificial intelligence.

00:47:20.000 Not terrified.

00:47:20.000 He should stop making shit.

00:47:22.000 Reasonably concerned.

00:47:23.000 No, I think he's right.

00:47:24.000 You know, I think a lot of scientists are concerned about the one day, what happens if one day you get a sentient, you know, meaning something that can think for itself...

00:47:38.000 Artificial thing that decides it wants to take over the world and it wants to build other artificial things like I Don't know how you would get those instincts I guess you would have to program it into it or would it develop them eventually when it realizes like if you give it give it a certain amount of I think?

00:48:10.000 Because these silly fucking apes with their nuclear weapons, these people are crazy and they made me.

00:48:15.000 Jesus Christ.

00:48:16.000 They don't know what they're doing.

00:48:17.000 I don't need them around.

00:48:18.000 They're going to fuck up everything.

00:48:19.000 They're ruining the whole world.

00:48:20.000 They don't know how to make a better version of me.

00:48:23.000 So it would make a better version of itself.

00:48:26.000 And it would also develop all the instincts that all the other animals have, all the other life forms that we're aware of when they have to survive.

00:48:33.000 They develop weapons.

00:48:34.000 Why do you think walruses have that big-ass tusk?

00:48:37.000 They use that as a weapon, right?

00:48:39.000 Like gorillas.

00:48:40.000 Tied balloons too.

00:48:41.000 Gorillas have weapons.

00:48:42.000 Gorillas just eat plants all day.

00:48:44.000 They don't have to kill anything with their mouth.

00:48:45.000 All that shit is to keep other gorillas from fucking their girl.

00:48:49.000 That's what that is.

00:48:51.000 And I guess animals, to keep other animals.

00:48:54.000 But who's going to attack a fucking gorilla?

00:48:56.000 They just go to sleep on the ground.

00:49:01.000 Artificial just needs an operating system so that it can grow.

00:49:04.000 Once it has a formula, that's when it's going to start cloning itself and it's going to start making an army.

00:49:10.000 Like that dog that Elon had, that was chasing Daniel Rawlings' dog around in the hallways of the hotel.

00:49:16.000 Did you see that video?

00:49:17.000 I did not.

00:49:18.000 But I guess Elon has that fake robot dog.

00:49:21.000 Yeah.

00:49:22.000 That's the shit.

00:49:23.000 You give that dog an operating system, it learns how to make itself, you know, and start fucking attacking anything that tries to stop it.

00:49:29.000 But you saw that episode of Black Mirror, right?

00:49:32.000 Which one?

00:49:32.000 Heavy Metal, where there's this drone, spoiler alert, that's chasing this lady.

00:49:37.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:49:38.000 Remember that one?

00:49:38.000 I think so.

00:49:40.000 It's trying to kill her.

00:49:41.000 Last season?

00:49:42.000 I don't remember.

00:49:43.000 I haven't watched that many of those.

00:49:44.000 Me neither.

00:49:45.000 I love it.

00:49:45.000 I love it every time I watch it, but it's one of those things where I've never watched that many of them.

00:49:52.000 I like the likes and the up-down likes.

00:49:53.000 We talked about that a long time ago, about Facebook likes and up-down likes, and then they made, that's pretty much the whole episode about that.

00:49:59.000 Yeah, we talked about that for people.

00:50:01.000 Yeah.

00:50:02.000 Yeah.

00:50:02.000 Look at that.

00:50:03.000 Yeah, that was the episode.

00:50:04.000 That thing was so crazy and so scary and so realistic.

00:50:08.000 That's Elon's dog.

00:50:12.000 I think what we're talking about with this the virus being leaked from a lab I'm sure no one wanted to kill two million people I'm sure it was an accident right if it did get leaked from lab but that would be the same thing if an artificial intelligence robot war machine got leaked from a lab and just took over a factory and started building versions of itself far superior and then made an army and We're good to go.

00:50:55.000 This is how much death and destruction, in terms of environment, that human beings are responsible for.

00:50:59.000 And the only sensible, logical thing, since you're going to die anyway, is to kill off a giant number of you right now, because we need to lower their numbers.

00:51:07.000 You'd be like, what are you talking about?

00:51:08.000 And then all of a sudden the government sends you applications in the mail.

00:51:11.000 You get to recommend what person of your family dies.

00:51:15.000 So you have to sit around, and you have to decide.

00:51:18.000 One of us has to die.

00:51:19.000 Who's it going to be?

00:51:20.000 Is it going to be me?

00:51:21.000 Because if it's me, who's going to protect you?

00:51:23.000 Is it going to be you?

00:51:24.000 Because if it's you, then who's going to be the mom?

00:51:25.000 Is it going to be one of the kids?

00:51:26.000 Which one do you not like?

00:51:27.000 What the fuck?

00:51:29.000 Imagine if it comes down to that.

00:51:31.000 Imagine if it comes down to that.

00:51:33.000 That is what happens when things get away from people.

00:51:37.000 They get away from your control.

00:51:39.000 I know it sounds crazy, but didn't coronavirus sound crazy before it hit us?

00:51:43.000 We lived our whole lives without a real pandemic.

00:51:45.000 The one that, like, really affected civilization this way and shut everything down for, like, now we're going on, what, 10 months?

00:51:52.000 Right?

00:51:54.000 Dude, if they had an artificial intelligence, like, the Terminator movie, that shit could be real.

00:52:01.000 Absolutely, and I think it's sooner than later.

00:52:03.000 Like, I almost feel like we'll see the beginning of it when we get super old, you know?

00:52:08.000 Just think how silly we are, man.

00:52:10.000 Think of the things that we fight about, things that we think are important.

00:52:14.000 Think of how gullible Some of the supporters of various politicians have been.

00:52:19.000 We don't even have to name names.

00:52:21.000 You know what the fuck I'm talking about.

00:52:23.000 To know that those people are amongst us and they vote just like you do.

00:52:27.000 Their vote counts the same way that yours does.

00:52:29.000 Their opinions count the same way that your opinions count.

00:52:32.000 And they're so fucked up.

00:52:35.000 There's so many of them.

00:52:36.000 They're so fucked up.

00:52:38.000 And there's so many people that are not empathetic.

00:52:40.000 How about that?

00:52:41.000 So many people that think that if you're on the other side, whether you're on the red side or the blue side, fuck them.

00:52:46.000 You know, these are baby-eating pedophiles and these are QAnon-believing racists and...

00:52:53.000 We're, like, divided in the weirdest way.

00:52:56.000 Because I don't think it's real.

00:52:57.000 I think when you get most people together in real life, they're not that divided.

00:53:02.000 The problem is they get in big groups.

00:53:04.000 They act like...

00:53:04.000 Big groups becomes like the internet, right?

00:53:06.000 Like, ah!

00:53:07.000 Which shows, like, the bullying of the internet.

00:53:09.000 Like, when someone jumps on a case and other people are like, ah!

00:53:11.000 Let me get my kicks in.

00:53:14.000 You just want to dive on a person.

00:53:15.000 It's not much different than crowds mauling cops.

00:53:18.000 That guy would never maul that cop in real life.

00:53:21.000 That guy was hitting the cop at the Capitol.

00:53:22.000 He would never do that in real life.

00:53:24.000 But when there's thousands of people behind you screaming, you'll fucking do it.

00:53:28.000 You'll do all that shit.

00:53:29.000 That's what happens with people.

00:53:31.000 We're fucking strange, man.

00:53:33.000 And we could be divided in the easiest of ways.

00:53:37.000 That's what we should be most concerned with.

00:53:39.000 There's a lot of enemies we have to be concerned with.

00:53:41.000 We have to be concerned with people that are trying to infiltrate our power grid and shut us down and fuck up the internet.

00:53:50.000 We gotta be worried about cyber attacks and physical attacks and terrorist attacks.

00:53:55.000 We gotta be worried about all that shit.

00:53:56.000 All that shit's real.

00:53:57.000 But we also got to be worried about attacks on each other.

00:54:00.000 We got to be worried about that maybe even more than anything else.

00:54:04.000 Because that could really be our undoing because it'll leave us weak and vulnerable.

00:54:08.000 This attacking each other and this lack of a person that could bring people together.

00:54:14.000 Like one person who could just, just so you can hear it.

00:54:17.000 Just hear it because we all need to hear it.

00:54:19.000 We're all on the same fucking team.

00:54:21.000 This is America.

00:54:22.000 That's what it's supposed to be about.

00:54:23.000 It's not supposed to be your version of America and my version of America.

00:54:27.000 That's why tolerance is so important.

00:54:29.000 It's supposed to be we're all the same.

00:54:31.000 Oh, he likes to do this and she likes to do that.

00:54:33.000 Who gives a fuck?

00:54:35.000 Are you nice?

00:54:35.000 Do you not steal my car?

00:54:37.000 We're friends.

00:54:38.000 Great!

00:54:39.000 That's what it's supposed to be.

00:54:40.000 We've just got to be more of that.

00:54:42.000 The real problems that we have, one of the real problems they have, we need fucking problems.

00:54:47.000 We go looking for problems.

00:54:48.000 And we don't have problems, we'll find them.

00:54:51.000 We'll find them.

00:54:52.000 We'll find them in other people.

00:54:53.000 And it's like a lack of being...

00:54:56.000 Healthy in your own mind and in your own life.

00:54:59.000 Where you can look at that and go, what is that instinct?

00:55:02.000 Oh, that's some leftover shit.

00:55:04.000 Because it used to be really important to be in conflict.

00:55:07.000 Because you had to take over.

00:55:08.000 You wanted to get that food.

00:55:09.000 You only had enough food for your village.

00:55:11.000 You've got to take over this village.

00:55:13.000 There's no women in our tribe.

00:55:14.000 We've got to do something, guys.

00:55:15.000 We've got to go find some women.

00:55:17.000 We've got to go fight.

00:55:18.000 We literally had to fight with sticks to see who gets to fuck.

00:55:21.000 All that stuff's still in our head, man.

00:55:24.000 All that fucking old, weird DNA is still in our system.

00:55:29.000 What else do you think is going to come back?

00:55:30.000 Because you were saying how it's weird how the old stuff is coming back with those grills.

00:55:35.000 You know, like the wood and fire.

00:55:37.000 It's almost like hopscotch and marbles.

00:55:40.000 Marbles were fun.

00:55:41.000 Marbles were the best.

00:55:42.000 Dude, I used to love marbles.

00:55:43.000 I had like a little suede sack with the drawstring.

00:55:47.000 I'd keep my marbles in there.

00:55:48.000 Some really pretty ones.

00:55:49.000 My grandfather made that thing where it was like you drop a marble on the top and go...

00:55:52.000 Have you ever seen one of those?

00:55:55.000 I have, yeah.

00:55:55.000 He used to build those.

00:55:57.000 You know what's killing it right now?

00:55:58.000 Chess.

00:55:59.000 Because of The Queen's Gambit.

00:56:00.000 Such a good show.

00:56:01.000 Did you finish it?

00:56:02.000 I did.

00:56:02.000 Oh, great.

00:56:03.000 It's really good.

00:56:04.000 That's one of those, how the fuck did I like this?

00:56:06.000 Here's another thing.

00:56:07.000 That's another example.

00:56:08.000 Like when people say that we need more diversity in film, we need more women films and this.

00:56:13.000 No, we just need stuff that's great.

00:56:15.000 It doesn't matter.

00:56:16.000 It really doesn't matter.

00:56:18.000 It doesn't matter if it's male or female.

00:56:20.000 And if you're a woman and you can't get roles, I get it.

00:56:22.000 It's probably really annoying.

00:56:23.000 However, but for final product, final product, People are more than willing to take a female hero.

00:56:30.000 It just has to be a good movie.

00:56:32.000 That's like Aliens, the perfect example.

00:56:34.000 Nobody gave a shit that it was a woman that was the hero in the end of that movie because that movie was fucking lit, right?

00:56:40.000 It was so perfect.

00:56:41.000 It was so good.

00:56:42.000 You never thought, wow, there was a woman, a powerful woman figure in that movie.

00:56:46.000 You didn't even think about it.

00:56:47.000 Maybe you would if you were a woman and you were looking for a powerful woman figure.

00:56:50.000 But it was never forced down your throat, you know?

00:56:53.000 It was never like Carrie Fisher being the emperor in Star Wars.

00:56:56.000 You're like, wait, what?

00:56:57.000 What is this?

00:56:58.000 And her and Laura Dern are like, we're the best and we're the generals.

00:57:00.000 And you're like, come on.

00:57:02.000 That doesn't make any sense.

00:57:03.000 This is not good.

00:57:04.000 The alien, when you see Sigourney Weaver at the end, you bitch, get away from her!

00:57:10.000 Like, that's real!

00:57:11.000 That's real!

00:57:12.000 When she's in the machine in Aliens 2, the second one.

00:57:15.000 Was that the milk one?

00:57:17.000 No, that was the first one.

00:57:18.000 The milk one?

00:57:18.000 Where he gets all milky, that guy gets cut in half.

00:57:20.000 Oh, that was the first one.

00:57:21.000 Yeah, that was the first one.

00:57:23.000 Yeah, he got torn apart and they reactivated.

00:57:25.000 Fuck my brain.

00:57:26.000 Isn't it funny what they thought computers were going to look like back then?

00:57:29.000 It was all, like, whack graphics.

00:57:31.000 And it was all numbers.

00:57:33.000 Nobody had figured out a graphic user interface yet, you know?

00:57:37.000 It's like war games.

00:57:38.000 Yes!

00:57:38.000 You just typed in, like, shall we play a game?

00:57:40.000 Do you want to play a game?

00:57:41.000 Yeah.

00:57:42.000 Isn't it funny, like, what people thought computers were going to be?

00:57:46.000 Because you never thought it was going to be, like, a brand new smartphone.

00:57:52.000 Where you'll have all these graphic things you're moving across.

00:57:55.000 That's why it's so addictive, right?

00:57:57.000 Because we're looking at all this cool shit.

00:57:59.000 And the cooler the shit is, the more addictive it is.

00:58:02.000 Like, you know they have that Samsung phone that's out now?

00:58:04.000 The Galaxy S21 comes out this week.

00:58:06.000 The Ultra.

00:58:07.000 Has a 120Hz refresh rate.

00:58:10.000 A giant 6.7 inch screen.

00:58:13.000 And it's brighter than any screen that's ever existed.

00:58:16.000 It's like the brightest smartphone screen ever.

00:58:19.000 And it's got a giant battery.

00:58:20.000 And you look and you're like, these motherfuckers are just drawing you in.

00:58:23.000 They're just drawing you in.

00:58:24.000 Yeah, but I think once you go Fold, you won't go back.

00:58:26.000 It's all about having an iPad out of nowhere.

00:58:29.000 Like, the Galaxy Fold 2 is killing me.

00:58:31.000 I love it.

00:58:32.000 You got it right here?

00:58:33.000 No, I didn't bring it.

00:58:34.000 But you keep an iPhone 2. Yeah, I keep an iPhone from A1. Isn't that interesting?

00:58:39.000 Yeah, this is more for surfing.

00:58:41.000 You know what?

00:58:42.000 Oh yeah, I get it.

00:58:43.000 I want to see a full screen YouTube video right now.

00:58:46.000 Yeah, that's what it's good for, right?

00:58:47.000 Like having a second phone that is just a media device.

00:58:50.000 A baby laptop.

00:58:51.000 Have you seen that new folding technology that came out that instead of having it fold out, it rolls out and just makes the phone bigger that they just showed on E3 a couple weeks ago.

00:59:01.000 That looks like someone's going to break it real quick.

00:59:03.000 Well, no, it folds into this...

00:59:05.000 You're going to trip and fall into the door.

00:59:07.000 It's going to bend in your hand like it's made out of toilet paper.

00:59:10.000 If it can bend like that, it's not rigid.

00:59:14.000 No, no, but the back is still, you know, hard.

00:59:17.000 Look, you should look at a video.

00:59:18.000 It's so hard, dude.

00:59:20.000 Jamie gave me some of his pills.

00:59:22.000 Crazy.

00:59:24.000 No, it's cool because it expands with the phone.

00:59:29.000 There's like a roller thing.

00:59:32.000 Yeah, but that's where it's got to be fragile.

00:59:34.000 Yeah, but I think there's protection.

00:59:35.000 If you put protection around, it's like anything else.

00:59:38.000 I don't know.

00:59:40.000 Supposedly that might not even come out, though.

00:59:42.000 They showed the video and it says there's a bunch of things that might not come out now.

00:59:44.000 Is it like a proof of concept kind of thing?

00:59:47.000 Oh, I heard LG's getting out of the phone game.

00:59:50.000 I think that's why.

00:59:51.000 Well, no, they make the screens.

00:59:53.000 Most screens you buy nowadays is made by LG. It's just re-branded.

00:59:58.000 Some screens.

00:59:59.000 Samsung makes their own screens.

01:00:00.000 And they make a lot of Apple screens, too.

01:00:03.000 But the LG company, I think, is going to stop making phones.

01:00:07.000 They've been making some weird phones.

01:00:09.000 Like they made that one phone that flips sideways.

01:00:10.000 You know that one that turns into a T? Yeah, the flipper.

01:00:13.000 Have you seen that?

01:00:13.000 Yeah.

01:00:13.000 What is that?

01:00:15.000 When does that come up?

01:00:17.000 When do I need a phone to turn into a fucking T? Yeah, but it's the Samsung wing.

01:00:22.000 Yeah, what is that?

01:00:23.000 That's so dumb.

01:00:23.000 It costs $5.

01:00:25.000 Zero.

01:00:26.000 It costs $0?

01:00:27.000 They're giving it away.

01:00:28.000 They're giving it away.

01:00:29.000 $29 a month for 24 months.

01:00:31.000 And they give it to you for free.

01:00:32.000 Yeah, but at least LG is thinking outside the box a little.

01:00:37.000 That's not outside the box.

01:00:38.000 That's in the litter box.

01:00:39.000 They're thinking in the box.

01:00:41.000 I like the iPhone 12. I think it's solid.

01:00:44.000 Yes.

01:00:44.000 iPhone 12's great, but it didn't work for me.

01:00:47.000 Oh, what do you have?

01:00:48.000 Yeah, I fucking got an iPhone 11. Because the iPhone 12, I bought it, and then I brought it to Verizon.

01:00:53.000 They turned it on.

01:00:54.000 Everything's great.

01:00:55.000 In the morning, I wake up, and it just doesn't work anymore.

01:00:57.000 It won't connect.

01:00:58.000 It won't go to the internet.

01:00:59.000 It won't do anything.

01:01:00.000 So I contact Verizon, like, yeah, sometimes that happens with the new 12s.

01:01:03.000 I'm like, what?

01:01:04.000 Like, you have to buy them from us.

01:01:06.000 Like, if you buy them from Verizon, they work every time, but if you buy it unlocked from the Apple store and then you try to apply it to the Verizon network.

01:01:12.000 Oh, that's bullshit.

01:01:12.000 That's bullshit.

01:01:13.000 They couldn't figure out how to do it, dude.

01:01:14.000 I was in the store for an hour and a half, and then I was on the phone for an hour, and I said, listen, turn the old phone back on.

01:01:20.000 I'm going to give you the numbers for the old phone.

01:01:21.000 So I have my 11. No shit.

01:01:23.000 I have my fucking 12. Dude, I could have fixed it for you.

01:01:26.000 My 12's a brick.

01:01:28.000 I can fix it for you.

01:01:29.000 How are you going to fix it?

01:01:29.000 Because it's easy.

01:01:30.000 Also, you should not be on Verizon Network anymore.

01:01:33.000 That's old school shit.

01:01:35.000 What should I do?

01:01:35.000 Where should I go?

01:01:37.000 Obviously, T-Mobile.

01:01:38.000 Do you have a deal with T-Mobile?

01:01:39.000 No, I don't.

01:01:39.000 But they also teamed up with Sprint.

01:01:41.000 So now, it's like two of the...

01:01:42.000 But in...

01:01:44.000 I'm not going to call you out on this, but I know you talked to that CEO. He's not even the CEO anymore.

01:01:49.000 Oh, okay.

01:01:50.000 John, yeah.

01:01:50.000 Who's the new guy?

01:01:51.000 I don't even know the new guy.

01:01:53.000 I don't.

01:01:53.000 I promise you, I don't have any connection.

01:01:57.000 But don't you have loyalty to John?

01:01:59.000 A little bit?

01:01:59.000 No.

01:02:00.000 Once John left, I didn't give a fuck.

01:02:03.000 T-Mobile, no offense, seems like a mall company.

01:02:07.000 There's a kiosk at the mall.

01:02:08.000 It used to be.

01:02:09.000 It used to be.

01:02:09.000 See, here's the thing.

01:02:11.000 Is that bad, Jamie?

01:02:12.000 I could break it down in like a minute.

01:02:13.000 I'm sure it's great.

01:02:13.000 Maybe I should switch.

01:02:14.000 I'll break it down in a minute.

01:02:15.000 They were really huge in Germany, I think it was.

01:02:17.000 And then they came here.

01:02:18.000 Oh, they're Nazis.

01:02:19.000 Is that what you're saying?

01:02:20.000 They're probably Nazis.

01:02:21.000 I'm kidding.

01:02:22.000 I'm kidding, T-Mobile.

01:02:23.000 I'll buy a phone.

01:02:24.000 Don't get mad.

01:02:25.000 I'm going to switch over to T-Mobile.

01:02:27.000 But you know, the cool thing about them is that when they came here, they were considered shitty because they were building the LTE network in the next thing.

01:02:33.000 And so once that came out, they were way ahead of Verizon and everybody else.

01:02:36.000 And that's why they started kicking ass.

01:02:38.000 You know what else they had?

01:02:40.000 The sidekick.

01:02:41.000 Back in the day, yeah.

01:02:42.000 They were the ones.

01:02:44.000 I'm pretty sure it was T-Mobile.

01:02:46.000 T-Mobile changed the game with the sidekick.

01:02:49.000 I remember Chuck Liddell had a sidekick.

01:02:51.000 And I was real impressed with him.

01:02:53.000 Except the camera.

01:02:54.000 Remember the camera sucked and we always went the Motorola E18 route?

01:03:00.000 Was that it?

01:03:00.000 Yeah.

01:03:01.000 We were also in texting then.

01:03:03.000 That was when I had that joke about texting.

01:03:05.000 It takes you four presses to get an R. I'm like, call me, bitch.

01:03:07.000 Fucking call me.

01:03:08.000 People don't know that back then you had a text from your phone with the numbers, and you would have to press the R. It was four presses to get an R. You'd have to go through all the other letters.

01:03:19.000 It took forever.

01:03:20.000 It was so annoying.

01:03:22.000 And then some people try to convince you, no, I just used this T9 predictive text.

01:03:27.000 I'm like, what?

01:03:28.000 No!

01:03:29.000 I want a typewriter!

01:03:30.000 And then they came out with ones that had typewriters.

01:03:32.000 I was like, oh!

01:03:33.000 That was nice.

01:03:34.000 So much better.

01:03:35.000 So much better.

01:03:35.000 Yeah, the camera sucked.

01:03:36.000 I was always going the other route.

01:03:38.000 Like, Trio was good for that.

01:03:39.000 Remember we had those Trios?

01:03:42.000 Wasn't the T-Mobile sidekick the first time that people got busted with dick pics?

01:03:47.000 Wasn't that the invention of the dick pic?

01:03:49.000 I don't remember.

01:03:51.000 For phones?

01:03:52.000 The first time you could take a picture with your phone, I'm sure someone did that.

01:03:55.000 But wasn't that the first dick pic scandals?

01:04:01.000 Or naked people scandals?

01:04:03.000 It was mostly girls, I think.

01:04:04.000 But didn't they save the photo on the phone?

01:04:07.000 Oh, I remember what you're talking about.

01:04:09.000 Something like that.

01:04:09.000 Did someone put their phone in to get it fixed and people took the pictures off?

01:04:13.000 It saved it to the e-card or the...

01:04:15.000 What's the card?

01:04:17.000 Sim card?

01:04:17.000 Sim card.

01:04:18.000 Yeah?

01:04:19.000 Do you remember this?

01:04:20.000 Am I making this up?

01:04:21.000 I kind of feel like I remember that.

01:04:22.000 I'm not making it up?

01:04:23.000 Paris Hilton's hacked sidekick.

01:04:25.000 That's it.

01:04:25.000 That's exactly what it is.

01:04:26.000 It was Paris Hilton.

01:04:27.000 I remember because I was thinking there was some other stuff with her, right?

01:04:32.000 Well, sure.

01:04:33.000 But it's hard to say what was real and what was staged.

01:04:37.000 Because there was a time, it didn't last that long, but where famous girls were giving up cooter shots getting out of limos.

01:04:45.000 And it was so obvious that for the camera to be in the position that it was to take that photo, that these ladies must have been aware.

01:04:54.000 And so there was a thing where girls were stepping out of limos with skirts on and showing their pussy.

01:05:02.000 And it was like famous girls were doing it.

01:05:04.000 And you remember that?

01:05:05.000 It just stopped.

01:05:06.000 Yes!

01:05:07.000 It just stopped.

01:05:09.000 Do you remember it?

01:05:09.000 Are you being sarcastic?

01:05:10.000 Yeah, that's one of those things you realize, wait, who was the cameraman?

01:05:14.000 That used to be a thing that no one thought about.

01:05:17.000 Sidekick disaster shows data's not safe in the cloud.

01:05:21.000 And this is 2008?

01:05:23.000 I didn't even know they had a cloud back in 2008. Oh, that's right.

01:05:29.000 That's what happened.

01:05:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:05:30.000 Yeah.

01:05:31.000 That's what happened.

01:05:33.000 I'm going to try Android.

01:05:35.000 Yeah, I do both.

01:05:37.000 You should do both, man.

01:05:38.000 I'm going to try this Galaxy S21 Ultra.

01:05:40.000 I just don't like...

01:05:41.000 There's a lot of things that I'm upset with when it comes to the Apple system.

01:05:46.000 I don't like this iMessage weirdness.

01:05:49.000 I don't like this.

01:05:50.000 People send me a text and it comes in green, but if you send an iMessage, it's blue.

01:05:53.000 I feel like I'm being lied to.

01:05:55.000 Well, you just got to start hanging out with blues more, man.

01:05:57.000 You just got to hang out with blues.

01:05:58.000 The thing is, though, on the other hand, it's encrypted.

01:06:02.000 It is more private.

01:06:05.000 Apple is way better when it comes to privacy.

01:06:07.000 They've taken legitimate steps to not just protect your data.

01:06:13.000 When you use the Maps app, they don't give your fucking data away.

01:06:17.000 They don't sell your data.

01:06:18.000 They get rid of all of it.

01:06:19.000 And then also, when you think about...

01:06:23.000 This new move that they're doing where you can opt out of websites getting your information, right?

01:06:30.000 What is exactly what it is?

01:06:32.000 You can opt out of receiving ads.

01:06:34.000 Sharing your information.

01:06:36.000 Sharing your information.

01:06:37.000 There's a few different things you can opt out of, though, right?

01:06:40.000 Yeah, I was actually, just last night, someone posted something about off, it's called like off Facebook data or something like that.

01:06:47.000 I dug through the settings to find it.

01:06:50.000 I don't know how long they've been able to do this, but you can go into your Facebook settings and see what advertisers see of you and if you want to change that.

01:06:58.000 You can turn it all off.

01:07:00.000 Yeah, you can turn a bunch of it off.

01:07:01.000 There was something that said like future off Facebook data.

01:07:04.000 Since it's like tracking data on your...

01:07:06.000 I don't know if this is exactly what it sounded like.

01:07:08.000 It's tracking the data of your future computer browsing to give you ads in the future off of...

01:07:14.000 I just clicked it off.

01:07:16.000 I was turning it all off.

01:07:16.000 It doesn't sound good.

01:07:17.000 That's why the new Safari filters everything you go through the Safari and people are pissed off about it like Facebook.

01:07:24.000 Because they're not giving them that data anymore.

01:07:26.000 Because they're going to lose all that data.

01:07:27.000 They're going to lose tons of money because of this.

01:07:29.000 They've been doing something they should have never been allowed to do and they've gotten addicted to it.

01:07:34.000 That's what it is.

01:07:35.000 Right.

01:07:35.000 I guess there's just a vague, like, hey, I am using a service.

01:07:39.000 I know somebody has to pay the bills.

01:07:42.000 But when you see how much they're making off of it and how you're not making any money, you realize, like, this is not a good deal.

01:07:48.000 Right.

01:07:49.000 When you think of how much money Google has made by figuring out the search engine, by figuring out email and integrating email into the search, you go looking for things and email knows what you've been looking at.

01:08:00.000 Like, hey, look at that.

01:08:00.000 It's an ad for Brian!

01:08:02.000 I know you've been thinking about one of them scooters.

01:08:03.000 Look at that scooter.

01:08:04.000 Look at it.

01:08:05.000 Look at it glows.

01:08:05.000 Look at the light in the back.

01:08:06.000 It's so fast.

01:08:07.000 It charges really quick.

01:08:09.000 It's still not as good as it should be.

01:08:11.000 It shouldn't be sending you ads for shit you just bought, too.

01:08:14.000 After you bought it, I don't know how it should know, but it should know you already bought the thing.

01:08:18.000 Listen to Jamie, ready to give up more ass to Big Brother.

01:08:21.000 Like, go ahead, take more.

01:08:22.000 I want you to know what I bought.

01:08:25.000 Just to go on the other side, haven't you bought anything in an ad that was kind of a good thing?

01:08:29.000 You're like, oh, look at that.

01:08:29.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.

01:08:30.000 And then you get it, it's not bad.

01:08:32.000 That's the catch-22, right?

01:08:33.000 Like, you'll pay for your imprisonment.

01:08:35.000 Secret, if you ever see an ad on any of that shit, you just copy the name of it and you put it into Amazon, get it cheaper and through Amazon with faster shipping.

01:08:44.000 Not always.

01:08:45.000 There's some shit you can't find on Amazon.

01:08:47.000 I went to use some Instagram ad, got me the other day.

01:08:51.000 Couldn't find the product on Amazon.

01:08:53.000 I've also had a lot of Instagram shit never ship also.

01:08:56.000 Like it was just fake ass businesses and stuff.

01:08:58.000 Yeah, well, you gotta think.

01:09:00.000 Like, some people don't make it.

01:09:02.000 Some businesses, especially new ones, you never heard of before?

01:09:04.000 There's a scam or something.

01:09:06.000 It can't be, like, a very big scam, but I've heard of it happening where someone would buy something, probably on eBay, I think, is where it would be most likely happening.

01:09:13.000 Maybe they bought a bag of coffee.

01:09:16.000 Instead of getting the bag of coffee, they'll get 15 bags of coffee.

01:09:20.000 Or the 15 bags of coffee and the coffee maker.

01:09:24.000 Like a $700 order.

01:09:26.000 Instead of sending it back, the people are just like, meh, just keep it.

01:09:29.000 Oh, so, yeah.

01:09:31.000 There's like some weird, something they're doing, like finagling money.

01:09:34.000 That makes sense.

01:09:35.000 People are gross.

01:09:36.000 And when you give them a chance, like COVID, everybody's locked up, thinking about different ways to rip people off.

01:09:42.000 Hmm.

01:09:43.000 Yeah.

01:09:48.000 Yeah, it's pretty fucked up shit now.

01:09:49.000 Have you got a gun yet?

01:09:51.000 Huh?

01:09:51.000 Have you got a gun?

01:09:52.000 Of course.

01:09:52.000 I got many guns.

01:09:54.000 Really?

01:09:55.000 No!

01:09:58.000 You're in Texas.

01:09:59.000 No one's giving you a gun?

01:10:00.000 I have weapons.

01:10:01.000 I'll just say I have weapons.

01:10:02.000 Nunchucks.

01:10:03.000 Nunchucks.

01:10:03.000 Nerf footballs.

01:10:04.000 I don't know, man.

01:10:06.000 If I gave you a gun, would you accept it?

01:10:08.000 Absolutely.

01:10:09.000 Are you allowed to do that?

01:10:10.000 Yeah.

01:10:10.000 I just have to get a license.

01:10:11.000 You just give guns.

01:10:12.000 Oh, you can?

01:10:13.000 You don't have to have a license.

01:10:14.000 Fuck yeah, I need guns.

01:10:15.000 I was going to get guns in LA, but there's so many lines, and then everything I wanted, it was like, because I wanted a Glock 19, I think it's called.

01:10:22.000 I'll get you one of those.

01:10:23.000 Oh, really?

01:10:24.000 Sick!

01:10:25.000 Is that what you want?

01:10:26.000 Yeah.

01:10:26.000 I think that's a good one, right?

01:10:27.000 That's a very good gun.

01:10:28.000 Yeah.

01:10:28.000 You need a gun.

01:10:29.000 Yeah.

01:10:30.000 We're in Texas.

01:10:31.000 Yeah, especially since I've already had, thank God for video cameras and security systems and stuff, but I've already had people, the worst pet peeve I've ever had is people coming up to your door, even though it says, no soliciting, all over your fucking shit.

01:10:43.000 And they still try to sell you something.

01:10:44.000 They don't even ring the doorbell because they know that starts the recording, or they think.

01:10:48.000 So they knock on the door, and I fucking yelled at people the other day.

01:10:52.000 I was like, can you fucking see no soliciting?

01:10:54.000 What are you doing?

01:10:55.000 I'm soliciting.

01:10:56.000 And I'm like, well, get the fuck, you know, I got mad.

01:10:58.000 Just trying to make a living, Brian.

01:11:00.000 I went off.

01:11:01.000 I get it.

01:11:02.000 I just hate that shit.

01:11:02.000 It's weird.

01:11:03.000 Yeah.

01:11:05.000 It's a weird way to make a living, too, because, like, you could be a serial killer or sell an Amway.

01:11:13.000 Right.

01:11:13.000 Come on in.

01:11:16.000 Used to be a big job, right?

01:11:17.000 Door-to-door salesman?

01:11:18.000 I don't know about how big, I guess, but it sounds like it was.

01:11:20.000 I told this story before when I was a kid and I worked for a private investigator, Dynamite Dickless Dave Dolan.

01:11:26.000 We would go door-to-door and we'd trick people.

01:11:31.000 That's mostly what we did.

01:11:32.000 And this one lady, she was faking an injury.

01:11:37.000 And she was working again under her maiden name.

01:11:40.000 And I guess Dave knew about it.

01:11:42.000 And he gets hired by the...

01:11:44.000 He works for a private investigating firm, and they send him out at the behest of the insurance company.

01:11:49.000 So they kind of know this lady's full of shit.

01:11:51.000 So we showed up at her house.

01:11:52.000 She invites us in, gives us coffee.

01:11:55.000 We had no idea.

01:11:57.000 We could have been the...

01:11:58.000 I felt so sad for her.

01:12:00.000 I want to say, please.

01:12:01.000 Like, we're not here to hurt you.

01:12:03.000 We're just here to rob you of what you've robbed from the insurance company.

01:12:07.000 Oh, wow.

01:12:08.000 And get you in trouble.

01:12:10.000 But please don't let anybody in your house like this.

01:12:13.000 Like, God damn.

01:12:14.000 Like, Dave is such a bullshit artist.

01:12:15.000 Like, he was great.

01:12:16.000 But he was like, wow!

01:12:17.000 Like, the whole thing was this was a scam.

01:12:20.000 We knew this lady's license plate number.

01:12:22.000 So Dave would make a series of license plates numbers that were similar to that number, but off by a little bit, like one digit here or there.

01:12:31.000 And then what he would do, he would knock on the door and say, I'm really sorry to bother you, but my girlfriend was involved in a car accident.

01:12:44.000 Okay.

01:12:45.000 Okay.

01:13:03.000 And she's like, oh my goodness, no, it's not me.

01:13:05.000 Is she okay?

01:13:07.000 Yeah, well, you know what?

01:13:08.000 She injured her L5, L6. Oh my goodness, that's my injury.

01:13:13.000 I had an injury too.

01:13:15.000 You okay now?

01:13:16.000 You seem fine.

01:13:17.000 Yeah, I'm fine.

01:13:18.000 You're collecting though, right?

01:13:20.000 He says, you're collecting insurance, right?

01:13:21.000 She's like, oh yeah, not only am I collecting, but I'm working under my maiden name.

01:13:25.000 Do you guys want some coffee?

01:13:27.000 She lets us in her house.

01:13:29.000 Wow.

01:13:29.000 I'm like, oh, damn.

01:13:31.000 Don't do this, lady.

01:13:33.000 Jesus.

01:13:34.000 I was like, don't do this, lady.

01:13:36.000 I felt so bad for her because Dave just set up a trap.

01:13:39.000 It's like a spider.

01:13:40.000 Like, oh, let me lay this spider web down on the wall.

01:13:44.000 Come closer.

01:13:45.000 Tell me about your job.

01:13:47.000 How did you hurt yourself?

01:13:48.000 Was it bad?

01:13:49.000 And she says, no, it wasn't really bad, but I said it was.

01:13:53.000 You know, now I'm working under my maiden name.

01:13:55.000 That's great.

01:13:56.000 So you're collecting double.

01:13:58.000 She's like, oh, it's the best.

01:14:00.000 It's great.

01:14:01.000 You know, as long as you can.

01:14:01.000 Hey, keep it up as long as you can.

01:14:03.000 He says that kind of shit to her.

01:14:04.000 And then we leave.

01:14:05.000 Thank you very much.

01:14:06.000 Thank you.

01:14:07.000 And I'm like, you gotta let her go.

01:14:08.000 Fuck her.

01:14:09.000 She goes.

01:14:11.000 He was like, fuck her.

01:14:12.000 He felt nothing.

01:14:14.000 That's crazy.

01:14:15.000 Well, that was his job.

01:14:16.000 That's how he made a living.

01:14:17.000 She's a scumbag.

01:14:19.000 She's fucking ripping people off.

01:14:21.000 I go, dude, she's so nice.

01:14:22.000 She gave us coffee.

01:14:23.000 He was like, fuck her.

01:14:25.000 Fuck her.

01:14:28.000 I've talked about that guy on the podcast before.

01:14:30.000 He's literally, other than Diaz, the funniest person I've ever met in my life.

01:14:33.000 Is he still around?

01:14:34.000 No, he died.

01:14:35.000 He died a few years back.

01:14:36.000 I only have one picture of me and him, too.

01:14:38.000 It's not the best picture.

01:14:39.000 It's all a shitty, blurry cell phone picture that one of our friends took.

01:14:44.000 He came to see me and I was at Laugh Boston like a few years back.

01:14:50.000 I want to say like four years back or so, right?

01:14:52.000 And he died like a little bit after that.

01:14:54.000 I didn't find out he died until after it was over.

01:14:57.000 He's friends with one of the guys who fights in the UFC, Matt the Steamroller Frivola.

01:15:02.000 And I heard about the Steamroller from Dave Dolan back in the day before Matt was even in the UFC. But I knew that he was, hey, this fucking tough kid.

01:15:11.000 This tough kid's gonna be fighting the UFC, bro.

01:15:14.000 He's the shit.

01:15:15.000 He's the real deal, Joe Rogan.

01:15:18.000 He was a good guy, man.

01:15:19.000 He was so funny.

01:15:20.000 He was just like Joey Diaz in a lot of ways.

01:15:22.000 But an Irish version of Joey Diaz.

01:15:25.000 Just a wild dude, man.

01:15:27.000 And quit boozing cold turkey.

01:15:30.000 I worked for him because I was a private investigator's assistant.

01:15:33.000 That was with the ad.

01:15:34.000 He took an ad out in the newspaper, so I went to Help Wanted.

01:15:37.000 But it really wasn't a private investigator's assistant.

01:15:39.000 It was someone to drive him because he lost his license in a DUI. He got into a fucking chase with the police and crashed his car in a tunnel and ran away from it.

01:15:49.000 The whole deal.

01:15:50.000 The whole deal.

01:15:51.000 And he's just like, fuck this.

01:15:54.000 I'm not drinking anymore.

01:15:54.000 Never drank again.

01:15:55.000 As long as I knew him.

01:15:56.000 I mean, I met him in 88. Because I remember I had just started doing stand-up comedy.

01:16:01.000 And I was still fighting.

01:16:03.000 And he came to see my last fights.

01:16:05.000 He came to a tournament.

01:16:07.000 And he saw my last fight where I got knocked out.

01:16:10.000 I didn't even get knocked unconscious, but I got TKO'd.

01:16:12.000 I got dropped of the left hook.

01:16:14.000 I went down.

01:16:14.000 I got back up.

01:16:15.000 My legs were like complete rubber, and this dude hit me with an uppercut, and I went down again, and the referee stopped the fight.

01:16:21.000 I never lost consciousness, but I was definitely fucked.

01:16:23.000 And it was so embarrassing.

01:16:25.000 Because I knew him forever.

01:16:27.000 And he saw my first two fights, and I destroyed the first guy, knocked the first guy unconscious.

01:16:31.000 And then the second guy beat the shit out of him.

01:16:33.000 And so he thought I was going to win the whole thing.

01:16:35.000 In the final, this dude just...

01:16:37.000 I was winning the first round, too.

01:16:38.000 This dude just caught me clean, hit me with a perfect left hook.

01:16:42.000 And my legs just went, goodnight!

01:16:44.000 They just gave out.

01:16:45.000 It was the weirdest feeling.

01:16:46.000 Well, the weirdest feeling I think I ever remember from fighting because it didn't hurt.

01:16:50.000 It was like he hit a button and my legs just stopped working.

01:16:53.000 You don't feel pain in fights for the most part unless you get hit in nerves like you feel it in the liver.

01:16:59.000 You feel it in the liver.

01:17:01.000 You feel it in your nerves and your legs like what happened to Connor this weekend.

01:17:04.000 If you get your legs kicked, you feel it there.

01:17:07.000 But a lot of times you don't feel punches and stuff.

01:17:09.000 It's just like you're so flooded with adrenaline.

01:17:12.000 Yeah, last time I got punched, I didn't feel it.

01:17:14.000 I was like, did you just fucking punch me?

01:17:16.000 What the fuck?

01:17:17.000 Are you serious?

01:17:18.000 How old were you last time you got punched?

01:17:19.000 No, this was at the comedy store like two years ago.

01:17:22.000 Who punched you?

01:17:23.000 One of Richie's friends.

01:17:26.000 Oh, that's right!

01:17:27.000 I forgot about that story.

01:17:30.000 God damn it.

01:17:31.000 Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

01:17:32.000 Yeah.

01:17:32.000 But when it happened, I mean, he hit me pretty hard, but when it happened, I was like...

01:17:37.000 Wait, did you just do something to my face?

01:17:39.000 You had the funniest reaction to someone punching you.

01:17:41.000 You came back to tell us, you're like, he punched me.

01:17:43.000 I was like, did you just punch me?

01:17:45.000 You weren't mad at all.

01:17:46.000 You weren't like, I'm gonna go fuck that guy.

01:17:47.000 And I'd be like, that was so ridiculous.

01:17:52.000 You had like the most logical response to someone punching you.

01:17:55.000 It's weird.

01:17:56.000 I don't know.

01:17:57.000 Because you couldn't believe it was real.

01:17:58.000 Yeah.

01:17:59.000 Yeah.

01:18:00.000 Well, there was a few of those people.

01:18:02.000 You know, the problem with the Comedy Store at one point in time, there's a lot of problems with it, but this is, most of them are good.

01:18:08.000 Most of what the Comedy Store was was amazing, but one of the things that happened was it became a scene.

01:18:13.000 I remember reading about that in the Kinnison days.

01:18:15.000 They'd be like, oh, the famous people came to see Kinnison.

01:18:18.000 And it just seemed so out of reach.

01:18:21.000 Like, wow.

01:18:22.000 Like, fucking Slash from Guns N' Roses used to come see Sam Kinnison.

01:18:28.000 Charlie Sheen used to come see Sam Kinnison.

01:18:32.000 Like, what?

01:18:32.000 What was that like?

01:18:33.000 My God, that must have been madness.

01:18:35.000 But then when it started happening to the store...

01:18:38.000 I realize, like, oh, this carries with it a lot of liability.

01:18:41.000 There's a lot of other stuff that happens.

01:18:44.000 And one of the things that happens is people know that it's a scene.

01:18:46.000 And then when they know it's a scene, they become, like, super interested in being there for the scene.

01:18:51.000 And so you'd meet guys who'd pretend they knew you and they didn't know you.

01:18:54.000 Did you have that happen?

01:18:55.000 Yes.

01:18:56.000 Hey, Brian, we were partying before, bro.

01:18:58.000 You remember?

01:18:59.000 Remember we were with fucking Tim Dillon?

01:19:01.000 We were partying with Tim.

01:19:02.000 And you're like, oh, my God, I've never partied with Tim.

01:19:04.000 Like, what are you saying?

01:19:05.000 Tim is sober.

01:19:06.000 Oh, this guy's crazy.

01:19:07.000 And you realize, like, oh, shit.

01:19:09.000 Yeah, I had it happen Friday night at a show.

01:19:12.000 This guy got into the green room when I got off stage.

01:19:15.000 Everyone's like, who's that old man that's in the green room that says he knows you?

01:19:18.000 I'm like, what?

01:19:19.000 What are you talking about?

01:19:20.000 And then they kicked him out.

01:19:21.000 And I went around the corner, look at the guy.

01:19:22.000 I'd never seen the guy in my life.

01:19:24.000 Yeah.

01:19:25.000 Well, 1% of the population is schizophrenic.

01:19:30.000 Yeah, or more.

01:19:32.000 I think it's one.

01:19:33.000 I think drug abuse has probably pushed that number up higher.

01:19:36.000 I think what drug abuse does, and I talked to Dr. Carl Hart, and you could catch his book, Drug Use for Grown Ups, Chasing Liberty in the Land of Fear.

01:19:48.000 It's an excellent book, and he's an excellent person.

01:19:51.000 But his take on it is, it exposes schizophrenia, which makes more sense, because how come pot doesn't turn you into schizophrenic?

01:20:00.000 Well, I've heard it always sped up if you had it coming.

01:20:03.000 Right.

01:20:04.000 But then again, what exactly is schizophrenia?

01:20:06.000 It's not like herpes.

01:20:07.000 It's not like, oh, we could look at it.

01:20:09.000 Here's it on the slide.

01:20:10.000 It's a herpes virus.

01:20:11.000 It's not a virus.

01:20:12.000 It's a deterioration of the brain that was going to happen eventually, and it speeds it up.

01:20:16.000 You have a weak brain.

01:20:18.000 Maybe.

01:20:19.000 What is it?

01:20:20.000 But they can fix it with some people.

01:20:22.000 Like some people, they give you the right medication and it goes away.

01:20:24.000 Right?

01:20:25.000 So what is it?

01:20:26.000 Something makes your brain hard.

01:20:29.000 It's honey.

01:20:31.000 What is it?

01:20:32.000 What is it?

01:20:34.000 I mean, they kind of know what the effects are, right?

01:20:39.000 But you can't do a blood test and say, oh, Mike, you got schizophrenia.

01:20:44.000 Right?

01:20:45.000 They have to...

01:20:46.000 Am I wrong?

01:20:47.000 I'm completely guessing.

01:20:48.000 I don't think there's a test for it.

01:20:50.000 I think they're monitoring your patterns, your behavior.

01:20:54.000 Checklist shit.

01:20:55.000 Let's Google this.

01:20:56.000 Let's find out.

01:20:56.000 How do they decide?

01:20:57.000 Because we both know people that have gone crazy from...

01:21:01.000 appeared to be from drug use.

01:21:04.000 One of my best friends growing up, he used to be the guy that took like 12 hits of acid a day.

01:21:09.000 You know what I mean?

01:21:10.000 That's a different world.

01:21:11.000 Now he's just a crazy person.

01:21:13.000 Don't you think that's a different world, though?

01:21:14.000 That's so extreme.

01:21:16.000 The guys who do acid a lot, that's such a clear effect.

01:21:21.000 Who they were and who they became...

01:21:23.000 There's some fucking stress that happens to your system when you're doing hardcore psychedelics where you're going through re-entry and the fucking tiles are flying off the vehicle.

01:21:36.000 And you don't always come out of that the same that you went in.

01:21:39.000 Right.

01:21:39.000 I was always a one-hit acid guy.

01:21:41.000 Maybe a two-hit if it was weak.

01:21:43.000 But they were always the ten-hit acid guy.

01:21:46.000 I took a sheet of acid.

01:21:48.000 I have very little experience with acid, but I can't imagine taking ten.

01:21:52.000 Taking micro doses is a wonderful feeling.

01:21:55.000 That's a wonderful feeling.

01:21:56.000 That's like a really interesting elevated feeling.

01:22:00.000 How do I say this without getting anybody in trouble?

01:22:04.000 I have a friend who was micro dosing mushrooms every day.

01:22:11.000 And he loved it.

01:22:14.000 And he has had issues with substances in the past.

01:22:18.000 But with this, he goes, it just keeps, and I'm not saying this with his accent on purpose, it keeps me at a level state where I feel great all the time, but I'm not high.

01:22:30.000 I can have easy conversations with people.

01:22:33.000 I love everybody.

01:22:35.000 It just feels like medicine.

01:22:36.000 That's what it feels like.

01:22:37.000 My girlfriend used to do it all the time, and she said it just kind of always makes you feel happier.

01:22:41.000 But then they locked his dealer in a fucking cage.

01:22:44.000 Oh, that sucks.

01:22:45.000 That's the wackest thing to lock somebody up for, mushrooms.

01:22:48.000 One day they're going to look back on that.

01:22:49.000 Well, it's already becoming legal in some states.

01:22:53.000 Oregon.

01:22:53.000 Oregon just went balls out.

01:22:55.000 Dude, it's happening.

01:22:55.000 Oregon, listen, you fucked up Portland with Antifa and all that jazz, but you've done a great job with your use of...

01:23:01.000 Everything's decriminalized.

01:23:03.000 Steroids.

01:23:03.000 You go to Portland and become a bodybuilder.

01:23:05.000 Even the cops are running people over.

01:23:07.000 Did you see that?

01:23:08.000 That was Tacoma.

01:23:08.000 That was horrific.

01:23:10.000 Yeah, that was horrible.

01:23:10.000 That was horrific.

01:23:11.000 That was like a car meet, right?

01:23:13.000 I want to know if it was an accidental adrenaline or if it was slip of the pedal or if it was on purpose.

01:23:18.000 It seems like it was on purpose.

01:23:20.000 I don't know.

01:23:22.000 It's hard to tell, but if I was a cop, I'd be terrified right now.

01:23:24.000 I couldn't be a cop right now.

01:23:26.000 I'd feel bad for him.

01:23:27.000 But if you're a cop and there's only one of you or two of you and then these mobs of people ascend upon your car and you try to drive off, you're probably terrified.

01:23:38.000 How many cops are worried about literally being beaten to death by a mob today?

01:23:43.000 A lot.

01:23:43.000 If you're the only guys there and people are...

01:23:46.000 I don't know what the scene was.

01:23:47.000 I saw a horrible clip, but I don't know what the scene was before that.

01:23:50.000 I don't know how it went down.

01:23:52.000 Cops are terrified.

01:23:54.000 And there's a lot of people that are like, fuck the police, defund the police.

01:23:57.000 They don't look at the police the same way they looked at them before.

01:23:59.000 And there's a lot of cops that are probably, for good reason, really scared.

01:24:04.000 I heard they're starting to wear fireman outfits just so that they don't get beat up.

01:24:08.000 Did you just make that up?

01:24:09.000 You did.

01:24:09.000 You couldn't even get through it.

01:24:12.000 Can you imagine a cop just carrying around a fireman hat and a coat?

01:24:15.000 Like, oh shit!

01:24:15.000 And they pull it off like Superman.

01:24:16.000 They're like Superman.

01:24:17.000 I'm actually a cop.

01:24:21.000 You remember in movies when there was an undercover cop, the undercover cop always had its say they were an undercover cop?

01:24:28.000 Are you a cop?

01:24:29.000 We always used to thought that was true.

01:24:31.000 We used to think that was true.

01:24:33.000 They don't.

01:24:33.000 Yeah, they gotta tell you, bro.

01:24:34.000 You can ask them.

01:24:35.000 I wonder if the cops are responsible for that and paid off media to say that kind of shit so that we all believed it.

01:24:41.000 I think it was probably just a thing that they did to move a plot along on a stupid television show, right?

01:24:47.000 Don't you think?

01:24:48.000 I don't know.

01:24:48.000 But they don't have to tell you.

01:24:50.000 What's that guy that pulls out the sheet of paper out of the typewriter and he flies up?

01:24:54.000 He did that.

01:24:55.000 Yeah, that guy.

01:24:57.000 What was that?

01:24:58.000 Ubu Sit?

01:24:58.000 No.

01:24:59.000 What's that?

01:25:00.000 No.

01:25:00.000 Sit Ubu Sit.

01:25:01.000 Good dog.

01:25:02.000 I think they just decide.

01:25:05.000 They just decide they're going to put some stupid things in a movie like that and they don't worry about whether or not people are going to believe it's true.

01:25:12.000 Is there any truth to it, though?

01:25:15.000 Because I almost feel like this show cops, like when they were the fake prostitutes.

01:25:19.000 Cops are allowed to fuck prostitutes for information.

01:25:22.000 Do you know that?

01:25:23.000 Do you know that?

01:25:24.000 Like in Hawaii, they had to actually change the law because cops were banging so many prostitutes.

01:25:30.000 Honolulu.

01:25:31.000 Google that.

01:25:32.000 Google cops allowed to fuck prostitutes in Honolulu.

01:25:36.000 I think within the last four or five years, they made it illegal.

01:25:38.000 But forever, cops are like, hey, I gotta do what I gotta do.

01:25:41.000 I'm out there.

01:25:42.000 I'm trying to get some information.

01:25:45.000 Get some guy who just likes banging hookers and he's like, I want to work vice in Honolulu.

01:25:49.000 I bang these broads.

01:25:50.000 I give them a little money.

01:25:51.000 They tell me where the fucking loot is.

01:25:53.000 They tell me where the stash is.

01:25:55.000 You could literally be a cop who bangs hookers and it's part of your job.

01:26:01.000 Yeah, 2014 it became a law that couldn't do it anymore.

01:26:05.000 So they were fighting for that and they're fucking, hey, this is really important in negotiations.

01:26:09.000 We've got to be able to fuck hookers.

01:26:12.000 We're all the hookers right now.

01:26:13.000 They're all food delivery people, right?

01:26:15.000 I wonder if there's something you could put in the notes and have a secret code come on inside.

01:26:20.000 Why would you actually fuck a guy today when you just show your asshole on OnlyFans?

01:26:24.000 Yeah, right, true.

01:26:25.000 And guys would be like, yeah.

01:26:26.000 They said that prostitutes would do a thing they would call a cop check to see potential Johns by forcing themselves on the officers sexually.

01:26:34.000 And the expecting cops would not be able to go through at the encounter.

01:26:37.000 That's what I would say if I was a cop, too.

01:26:39.000 Well, here's the situation.

01:26:41.000 A lot of times I'm talking to one of my suspects, and they think I'm a cop, so I gotta let them suck my dick.

01:26:48.000 It's the only way to save the people.

01:26:51.000 It's the only way.

01:26:53.000 It's the only way to serve and protect.

01:26:56.000 I gotta get ahead.

01:26:58.000 I wore a condom.

01:27:00.000 Yeah, it's so ridiculous.

01:27:02.000 Up until 2014. But it kind of makes sense.

01:27:05.000 And, you know, female agents have done that too.

01:27:08.000 Female agents have fucked it.

01:27:11.000 They've fucked it.

01:27:11.000 They've fucked suspected.

01:27:13.000 They've fucked suspected bad guys before.

01:27:17.000 You know, like in James Bond movies.

01:27:19.000 They really had to do that.

01:27:21.000 They've actually done that before.

01:27:22.000 Female agents have actually had to fuck guys that they were trying to get arrested or get them kidnapped or get them killed.

01:27:29.000 I bet it still happens, but no one talks about it.

01:27:31.000 For sure!

01:27:31.000 Dude, if you're like some deep, deep undercover agent, Out there, saving democracy in Azerbaijan or somewhere.

01:27:44.000 You gotta fuck some warlord.

01:27:46.000 Do you think that they are known like TikTokers now, like models or IG girls?

01:27:50.000 Like, oh, the hottest IG girl is a super spy.

01:27:53.000 No, I bet it's way harder to get super spies in the age of social media.

01:27:57.000 Because, again, they can just show their asshole on OnlyFans and they make so much money.

01:28:01.000 They don't need you.

01:28:03.000 Are there levels to OnlyFans?

01:28:05.000 Is there an asshole level?

01:28:08.000 You can see some titty for $10.

01:28:10.000 It can be free, which it is for some girls.

01:28:13.000 Some girls just are hoes.

01:28:14.000 You know, the secret to OnlyFans, though, is that they own everything you upload.

01:28:19.000 Oh, no!

01:28:20.000 So all these people, they're just selling their content for $10 a month.

01:28:26.000 And OnlyFans owns it.

01:28:28.000 Here's what's interesting about porn and online, this kind of stuff, all these different things.

01:28:33.000 Is that everybody likes seeing people naked.

01:28:36.000 But if you show people you naked, other people will get so mad.

01:28:43.000 They'll shame you.

01:28:44.000 But other people will pay for it.

01:28:46.000 So there's obviously a market for it.

01:28:48.000 But we decide, oh, she's showing her asshole on OnlyFans.

01:28:52.000 Boo!

01:28:54.000 But then your friends are like, well, what's the address?

01:28:57.000 How do I get to this?

01:28:58.000 What's her screen name?

01:28:59.000 How much does it cost to see her asshole?

01:29:01.000 Am I going to notice whether or not I have $5 or not?

01:29:05.000 No, but am I going to notice whether or not I've seen her asshole?

01:29:07.000 Yes.

01:29:08.000 So that's what they do.

01:29:09.000 They pay for it.

01:29:11.000 It's a fucking weird thing, porn.

01:29:13.000 Because everybody wants to have sex, but nobody wants people to watch you have sex.

01:29:17.000 And they'll go, ooh, look at you, you like dick.

01:29:20.000 Uh, what are you doing, eating pussy, you fucking weirdo?

01:29:26.000 Well, I think it's mostly because people get jealous, you know, like couples.

01:29:32.000 There's also men, right?

01:29:33.000 If men find out a woman has done porn, they're like, ugh, she's tainted, right?

01:29:39.000 A lot of guys think they're tainted.

01:29:40.000 That'll probably change, though, as the kids now get older.

01:29:43.000 As everybody does porn?

01:29:44.000 Yeah, like all these kids have had a phone in their hand their entire life, and they're just like...

01:29:47.000 Good point.

01:29:48.000 Always had a Twitter account.

01:29:49.000 Imagine if that was you when you were 15, if you had the cloud, and you probably let people borrow your phone, and meanwhile...

01:29:56.000 I remember having sex.

01:29:58.000 I used to, like, back in the day when live streaming first happened, like when webcams first were made, they had, I forget what it was called, a vcam or something like that, but you could do live stream all day long.

01:30:09.000 So I would live stream...

01:30:11.000 All day long, like weeks.

01:30:13.000 A camera was always on somewhere, like in my bedroom or whatever.

01:30:17.000 Like a Truman Show.

01:30:18.000 Yeah, like a Truman Show.

01:30:19.000 You did your own.

01:30:19.000 Because it was the new thing.

01:30:20.000 It was like, oh, you could stream all day long?

01:30:22.000 What was the TV, the other one?

01:30:24.000 Was it McConaughey, Ed TV? Was it him?

01:30:27.000 Was that Matthew McConaughey?

01:30:28.000 Justin TV. No.

01:30:29.000 Remember Justin TV? I do, but I mean the movie.

01:30:32.000 Yes.

01:30:33.000 Oh, Ed TV. Was it Ed TV? Was that McConaughey?

01:30:35.000 Yes.

01:30:36.000 So he had became, he was like a regular guy, that became like a superstar.

01:30:40.000 Mm-hmm.

01:30:40.000 I mean, it's funny because remember watching that movie?

01:30:43.000 We were like, that's never going to happen.

01:30:44.000 That's everybody now.

01:30:46.000 My daughter, my 10-year-old, loves Sniper Wolf.

01:30:49.000 Sniper Wolf?

01:30:50.000 Sniper Wolf is a YouTube character.

01:30:53.000 She's this chick that's on YouTube who makes fun of shit.

01:30:57.000 But here's the deal.

01:30:59.000 She used to watch this other chick play video games, and the girl was very pretty, and maybe what she's saying speaks to a nine-year-old.

01:31:07.000 For her, it made a lot of sense.

01:31:09.000 But for me, it was so annoying, because she was always watching this.

01:31:12.000 I was like, this is so boring.

01:31:14.000 Why are you watching this?

01:31:15.000 And so she has this new one, this sniper wolf chick.

01:31:18.000 And I have the same attitude.

01:31:19.000 And I'm like, well, this is boring.

01:31:21.000 This is going to be boring.

01:31:22.000 Like, what do you want?

01:31:23.000 She's like, Daddy, you have to see this.

01:31:24.000 This is so funny.

01:31:25.000 And it's her, this sniper wolf chick, reacting to this little kid that's at one of those child beauty pageant things.

01:31:34.000 And it was fucking hilarious.

01:31:36.000 I was laughing.

01:31:37.000 I was like legit laughing.

01:31:39.000 My 10-year-old, it was like she was watching Richard Pryor perform.

01:31:42.000 She was on the ground, holding her stomach, laughing her ass off.

01:31:46.000 Was it funny to you?

01:31:47.000 It was funny.

01:31:48.000 She's good.

01:31:49.000 She's funny.

01:31:49.000 So this is like reaction videos?

01:31:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:31:51.000 Oh, I thought it was a cartoon at first.

01:31:52.000 But she's like this hot chick that does like reaction videos, but she's actually funny.

01:31:57.000 Right.

01:31:57.000 It was funny.

01:31:58.000 It was legit.

01:31:59.000 I watch a lot of stuff that is embarrassing.

01:32:03.000 My playlist of subscriptions on YouTube is...

01:32:07.000 You look at it...

01:32:08.000 What are you laughing at?

01:32:09.000 25 million YouTube subscribers.

01:32:11.000 Yeah.

01:32:12.000 Dude, I'm telling you, when you watch her, she's fucking entertaining.

01:32:16.000 She is way more entertaining than any E! show that's ever existed.

01:32:20.000 She's funny.

01:32:21.000 And it doesn't seem like she would be, but she's funny.

01:32:25.000 She's got good takes on things.

01:32:27.000 She seems silly.

01:32:29.000 And she's a good performer.

01:32:30.000 She could be a stand-up.

01:32:31.000 If she wanted to be a stand-up, she could do stand-up, for sure.

01:32:34.000 But her take on things is actually funny.

01:32:36.000 I was expecting to hate it.

01:32:39.000 Like the fucking video game lady that my daughter always watches.

01:32:44.000 But this one, I was like, that's funny.

01:32:46.000 She's funny.

01:32:47.000 This is good.

01:32:48.000 I was like, okay, this is an art form.

01:32:49.000 Which she just figured out...

01:32:51.000 Look, she's not the only one.

01:32:52.000 They've figured out.

01:32:53.000 I should say they've figured out.

01:32:54.000 They've figured out a new art form, watching shit and reacting to it in a funny way.

01:32:59.000 You and I did it.

01:33:00.000 Two Girls, One Cup.

01:33:01.000 Two Girls, One Cup, yeah.

01:33:03.000 I watched that the other day.

01:33:04.000 That was one of our best videos!

01:33:05.000 That's still one of the grossest videos ever.

01:33:07.000 How many views does that have?

01:33:08.000 Wait, what was the other one at the end?

01:33:10.000 Oh, yeah, Mr. Hands.

01:33:12.000 No, no, no, BME Pain Olympics.

01:33:14.000 Oh, fuck that shit.

01:33:16.000 That one makes me clutch my pearls just thinking about it.

01:33:19.000 Actually, it was fake as fuck, too.

01:33:20.000 I don't know if it was all fake.

01:33:22.000 Remember, I talked to the...

01:33:23.000 I feel like I talked to the guy.

01:33:25.000 Well, I definitely talked to the guy.

01:33:26.000 I'm trying to remember his name.

01:33:28.000 He died a few years back.

01:33:29.000 Did he really?

01:33:30.000 Yeah.

01:33:31.000 He and I had been back...

01:33:32.000 We had become email pals.

01:33:34.000 Goddammit, I'm trying to remember his name.

01:33:36.000 Email pals.

01:33:37.000 Shannon.

01:33:38.000 It was Shannon, right?

01:33:40.000 Yeah, I think it actually was.

01:33:41.000 Hatch...

01:33:43.000 Excuse me?

01:33:45.000 Shannon Lauriette?

01:33:46.000 Something like that.

01:33:47.000 Yeah.

01:33:47.000 What is it?

01:33:48.000 Yeah, that's him.

01:33:49.000 L'Rock.

01:33:50.000 I guess it's L'Rock.

01:33:51.000 Yeah.

01:33:52.000 Yeah, he and I have become email pals.

01:33:54.000 This is like in the 90s.

01:33:55.000 He sent me an email.

01:33:56.000 Yeah, he died.

01:33:58.000 What's that shit on his face?

01:33:59.000 He's got some white ink tattoo, I think.

01:34:02.000 Wow.

01:34:02.000 Oh, that's dope.

01:34:04.000 He died in 2013. Whoa.

01:34:07.000 Oh, he's Canadian.

01:34:09.000 Toronto.

01:34:09.000 Yeah.

01:34:10.000 So is Style.

01:34:11.000 He was Toronto, too.

01:34:13.000 I love Style.

01:34:13.000 Have you been in contact with him?

01:34:15.000 Oh yeah, we're Facebook friends, which is so mind-blowing to me.

01:34:18.000 It's like personal Facebook friends.

01:34:20.000 It's just weird seeing his everyday stuff.

01:34:22.000 You know, he's just like, this is the mother...

01:34:23.000 He got rich off of crypto.

01:34:25.000 Style is how I met you.

01:34:27.000 I used to follow Style, and then he used to post about you, and I started going to your website.

01:34:32.000 Well, he and I became, like, email friends.

01:34:35.000 And then, like, you know, that was back when I was writing blogs all the time, like funny blogs.

01:34:40.000 And he would post funny blogs.

01:34:42.000 And, you know, I would always tell people about his blogs.

01:34:45.000 He was a fun dude.

01:34:47.000 Like, it's interesting when you...

01:34:49.000 Like, when you don't know, I have no idea what he looks like, I don't know what his voice sounds like, I don't know anything.

01:34:54.000 But when you're reading someone's words, like there's people and their words, and those words sort of, they become a thing, like a feeling that you get when you read someone's website.

01:35:05.000 Like, you don't necessarily even need to know too much about them.

01:35:08.000 They're like, this is style.

01:35:10.000 There was a lady that got into a lot of trouble post 9-11.

01:35:15.000 And her website was, and I became email friends with her too.

01:35:18.000 This is in 2000 and whatever.

01:35:21.000 I probably became friends with her in like 99 or 2000. The misanthropic bitch.

01:35:26.000 Remember that?

01:35:27.000 Yes.

01:35:28.000 Yeah.

01:35:28.000 Okay.

01:35:29.000 Remember?

01:35:30.000 Yeah.

01:35:31.000 She had a hot take on 9-11 and it did not go over well.

01:35:35.000 And the blowback was ferocious.

01:35:38.000 And I remember her responding to the blowback and commenting about the blowback.

01:35:42.000 But I don't know how long after that she stopped...

01:35:46.000 Her website.

01:35:47.000 She changed it to a different name or something.

01:35:49.000 I don't remember.

01:35:50.000 I don't remember, but I remember she's a really good writer.

01:35:54.000 Yeah.

01:35:54.000 She was clever with words, and I think she tried to get a little too clever with 9-11, right after it happened.

01:36:01.000 It was one of those hot takes, like, we deserve this, or this is a good thing, or fuck everybody.

01:36:07.000 It was one of those things where it's like, I get what you're trying to say.

01:36:11.000 You're saying it weird.

01:36:12.000 That makes...

01:36:13.000 You know, it's the thing when you rush to say something, and I've done it before.

01:36:18.000 You rush to say something because you think, ooh, there's an opportunity to get a point on the board.

01:36:24.000 It's kind of what it is.

01:36:26.000 But you fuck up and you say something you don't even really mean.

01:36:29.000 You just tried to be funny.

01:36:33.000 It's just, at that time, man...

01:36:35.000 9-11 was just like the most atrocious moment in our lives.

01:36:39.000 We'd never experienced anything like that.

01:36:41.000 Dude, how crazy is it that was 20 years ago?

01:36:45.000 So nuts.

01:36:47.000 Does that feel 20 years to you?

01:36:49.000 No.

01:36:50.000 But also, it feels like...

01:36:53.000 It's weird.

01:36:54.000 Getting old is weird because I think about, wait a sec, what happened in my 30s?

01:36:57.000 I don't remember anything in my 30s to 40s.

01:37:00.000 I kind of do.

01:37:00.000 I feel like I've been in my 40s for a long time.

01:37:03.000 I kind of get real suspicious when people pretend to remember things exactly.

01:37:07.000 Yeah.

01:37:07.000 And I'm like, come on.

01:37:10.000 Did you really?

01:37:11.000 Do you remember the version of it that you kept telling everybody?

01:37:13.000 Yeah.

01:37:14.000 That's a real thing.

01:37:15.000 That's a real thing.

01:37:17.000 That's a real thing.

01:37:19.000 That's just brain short and shit down to get rid of space.

01:37:24.000 I will fully admit that most of my stories about...

01:37:27.000 Even my friend Dave Dolan, that story that I told earlier, I have talking points in my head where I remember how I used to say it.

01:37:36.000 But if you ask me to go back and remember...

01:37:40.000 That moment when that lady invited us in for coffee and told us about her insurance scam.

01:37:44.000 I have a blurry...

01:37:47.000 I have like one or two images that are so blurry.

01:37:52.000 I couldn't even prove in a court that that's really that lady's kitchen.

01:37:57.000 If they said, okay, you have a good memory?

01:37:59.000 Oh, great, great, great, great, great.

01:38:01.000 Photographic, you say.

01:38:02.000 Wow, congratulations.

01:38:03.000 Hey, sketch me the front of this lady's house.

01:38:07.000 I don't remember if it was an apartment.

01:38:09.000 I don't remember if we walked through a courtyard.

01:38:11.000 I don't remember anything.

01:38:12.000 I don't remember the color of the house.

01:38:15.000 I don't remember what she looked like.

01:38:16.000 She could be you.

01:38:18.000 I remember she was a reasonably attractive woman who was like a housewife who appeared to be in her 30s.

01:38:26.000 Maybe.

01:38:26.000 Maybe I'm wrong.

01:38:27.000 Maybe she was fat as fuck.

01:38:28.000 I don't remember.

01:38:29.000 I'm pretty sure she was a white lady.

01:38:31.000 I'm like 60, 40. I don't remember anything.

01:38:35.000 But I tell that story like I remember every detail because it's more entertaining that way.

01:38:40.000 But if you want to corner me and say, hey, what do you really remember?

01:38:43.000 I'll go, oof.

01:38:44.000 I'm pretty sure what I'm saying is accurate.

01:38:47.000 But I don't totally remember.

01:38:49.000 That's how I feel about that old lady at the strip club that I made out.

01:38:52.000 I don't remember.

01:38:53.000 Right here!

01:38:54.000 Right here, dude!

01:38:55.000 Oh, at the Yellow Rose?

01:38:56.000 Yeah, it was at the Yellow Rose.

01:38:57.000 That was like 1999, son.

01:38:59.000 Yeah, I had to tell that story the other day, and I'm like, I think she worked there.

01:39:03.000 That lady just grabbed you.

01:39:05.000 She just grabbed you and started making out with you.

01:39:07.000 Then you realize that it was this old lady, and you're like, what?

01:39:10.000 I thought it was the stripper that was just there before.

01:39:12.000 I understand.

01:39:13.000 That lady, like, she found a weak spot and she moved right in.

01:39:16.000 There's a thing like survival skills, you know?

01:39:20.000 Like, there's, you know, like that dude that, like, walks barefoot through the woods and he has, like, these real thick cows.

01:39:26.000 He's got survival skills.

01:39:28.000 There's like, there's like survival dick skills when women know how to start a fire in the middle of forest.

01:39:33.000 They know that like, oh, that stripper just got up.

01:39:35.000 This guy's drunk.

01:39:36.000 I'll move it in.

01:39:37.000 Boom!

01:39:37.000 And they move in.

01:39:38.000 They develop those skills.

01:39:40.000 It makes me wonder if the strippers were all just like betting money.

01:39:42.000 I dare you to do it.

01:39:44.000 No, that was just the universe teaching you a lesson.

01:39:47.000 I was so pissed off at you because you filmed the whole thing, but you deleted it.

01:39:51.000 I'm like, why would you get to leave?

01:39:52.000 Even I would want to see how gross it was.

01:39:54.000 I didn't want you to be a part of that.

01:39:56.000 I didn't want you to be a part of that.

01:39:58.000 Remember, we were ready to leave to get food right away anyway.

01:40:01.000 And I was like, let's get out of here.

01:40:02.000 Let's go get something to eat.

01:40:03.000 And then I'm like, what is happening?

01:40:09.000 But she just moved in on you, started kissing you.

01:40:11.000 It's hilarious.

01:40:12.000 I miss the Yellow Rose.

01:40:14.000 We used to go here, up there.

01:40:15.000 I think it's still a thing.

01:40:16.000 Yeah, it is.

01:40:17.000 Actually, my girlfriend, her friend grew up next, like, he was a little bit older, but grew up when she was a kid, you know, younger.

01:40:25.000 He grew up like they were neighbors.

01:40:27.000 He lives out here now and he comes to Kill Tony and he goes, hey, I work as a DJ at the Yellow Rose.

01:40:35.000 Anytime you want to come out, I'm like, the Yellow Rose?

01:40:37.000 That's hilarious.

01:40:38.000 What do you think about this?

01:40:39.000 How do you think people would feel if one day there was like an ex machina type strip club?

01:40:45.000 Where you go there and they're not real girls.

01:40:49.000 They're not.

01:40:50.000 You don't have to feel bad about their childhood.

01:40:52.000 They're super enthusiastic.

01:40:54.000 I'm in it 100%.

01:40:56.000 You can give them a fake language so no one would know what they're saying.

01:40:59.000 I want to see the Whitney robot though.

01:41:00.000 I want to see the Whitney robot on the stage.

01:41:02.000 Is that the one you'd go after?

01:41:04.000 No, they could have celebrities.

01:41:06.000 They would have Whitney robot.

01:41:07.000 Mix it with holograms though, seriously.

01:41:09.000 Mix hologram people with robot people.

01:41:11.000 I'll go to that strip club any fucking day.

01:41:14.000 How long is it before that's going to be real where real life is...

01:41:19.000 It's like, so what?

01:41:20.000 It's real life.

01:41:21.000 I can do the same thing with this helmet.

01:41:24.000 Why is it so cool that you're doing that in real life?

01:41:27.000 You're working so hard to be a billionaire.

01:41:30.000 I'm a billionaire in this fake world.

01:41:32.000 Instantly.

01:41:33.000 All I need is to keep the lights on.

01:41:34.000 And I live the same life you do.

01:41:36.000 And you've got to work 16 hours a day.

01:41:38.000 You're losing your fucking mind.

01:41:39.000 All I have to do is get a PS5. What are you talking about?

01:41:43.000 What are you doing?

01:41:43.000 Why are you wasting all your time?

01:41:45.000 Buying houses and shit.

01:41:46.000 Trying to tap into the ground.

01:41:48.000 Pull oil out.

01:41:49.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:41:50.000 Just put the helmet on, man.

01:41:51.000 What are you, retarded?

01:41:52.000 Why are you spending so much time doing stupid shit?

01:41:57.000 Right?

01:41:57.000 How long?

01:41:58.000 I don't want to Ready Player Two spoil anything, but this is like, it's so good.

01:42:02.000 The second book was really good.

01:42:04.000 Oh yeah, the second book?

01:42:05.000 Yeah, Ready Player Two?

01:42:06.000 Yeah, it's great.

01:42:07.000 Dude, there's gonna come a time where we will live in some sort of an artificial realm, and it's gonna be way better than this realm, and we're just gonna accept it.

01:42:16.000 Just the same way, like, people don't use passenger pigeons anymore.

01:42:19.000 Carrier pigeons, those little fucking stupid birds with a message around them.

01:42:22.000 They still use them!

01:42:23.000 Have you heard about the murder of the carrier pigeon from the United States and they're going to murder it?

01:42:27.000 They were, but it was fake.

01:42:29.000 Oh, that was fake?

01:42:30.000 Yes, it was fake.

01:42:31.000 Somebody put a fake band on this carrier pigeon and reported it like this bird flew 8,000 miles to New Zealand, but it was fake.

01:42:39.000 That's the shit I don't ever think.

01:42:41.000 Like, that's fake.

01:42:42.000 They're trying to fool me with this pigeon shit.

01:42:44.000 I think when they were trying to kill the pigeon, that's when they stepped in and said it was fake.

01:42:48.000 They admitted it was fake.

01:42:49.000 By the way, I just...

01:42:49.000 Because they were going to kill it because of quarantine risk.

01:42:51.000 I do so much virtual reality now.

01:42:53.000 Like, I'd probably say like eight hours a week at least.

01:42:57.000 Yeah, look at this.

01:42:58.000 You could compare it to a Picasso.

01:43:00.000 Pigeon sells for $1.9 million.

01:43:03.000 What?

01:43:06.000 New Kim, a Belgian racing bird, set an auction record after a bidding war between two Chinese buyers.

01:43:14.000 Wow, they got too much money.

01:43:17.000 Pigeons are, it's a real game.

01:43:19.000 That's crazy.

01:43:20.000 That's why they faked that one.

01:43:22.000 It's because they could have sold it for like, I think it said 1.5 million.

01:43:25.000 Wow!

01:43:26.000 So this was, did it say 1.9?

01:43:28.000 Is that what it said?

01:43:29.000 This one, yeah.

01:43:30.000 1.9.

01:43:32.000 A million.

01:43:33.000 For a bird.

01:43:33.000 A little tiny bird.

01:43:34.000 You know that was brought over to America for food?

01:43:38.000 Did you know that's why there's so many pigeons in New York City?

01:43:41.000 Yeah.

01:43:41.000 Food.

01:43:42.000 Oh, to eat the...

01:43:42.000 Yeah.

01:43:43.000 They're squab.

01:43:44.000 That's what squab is.

01:43:45.000 It's a pigeon.

01:43:47.000 Like, if you go to a fancy menu on a fancy restaurant and you see squab, hmm, would you like the squab, sir?

01:43:55.000 That's fucking pigeon.

01:43:57.000 It's a young pigeon.

01:43:58.000 It's like lamb.

01:43:59.000 What is lamb?

01:44:00.000 Lamb is a young sheep.

01:44:02.000 Squab is a young pigeon.

01:44:04.000 I've had pigeon before.

01:44:05.000 It's...

01:44:05.000 It's nothing.

01:44:06.000 But if you're starving to death, like back then, they would just like have a bunch of them laying around.

01:44:11.000 You could just blow them out of the sky and you'd have food.

01:44:13.000 So they just let food live everywhere.

01:44:17.000 It's weird, dude.

01:44:19.000 I've been hunting with guys that try to get pigeons.

01:44:22.000 When I was hunting with Steve Rinell the first time, he saw some pigeons and got out of a shotgun.

01:44:26.000 I was like, what is happening here?

01:44:29.000 Gross.

01:44:29.000 It's in Montana, in the forest, but it's a delicious bird, apparently, if you cook it correctly.

01:44:35.000 Chicken's better, and you can get that at Wendy's.

01:44:37.000 You know what's even better?

01:44:38.000 Duck when it's done right.

01:44:39.000 So they raced these birds, and then recently in China, two guys got caught because they went on a bullet train with the birds to where it was supposed to go, and they got there too fast.

01:44:50.000 I think the bullet train was way faster than the way the pigeons fly.

01:44:54.000 Oh, so then they release the pigeons and try to pretend the pigeons just won?

01:44:58.000 Oh, they're racing them.

01:44:59.000 Wow.

01:45:00.000 Yeah.

01:45:02.000 People will gamble on anything.

01:45:04.000 Whose shit weighs more?

01:45:05.000 They'll gamble on that.

01:45:07.000 You'd pay a lot of money.

01:45:09.000 How long could you hold your shit?

01:45:11.000 If we had an office-wide bedding pool right here...

01:45:15.000 I would win.

01:45:16.000 I think the security guys would kick your ass.

01:45:19.000 Oh.

01:45:20.000 Wait a second.

01:45:21.000 If they're in the pool, you have no chance.

01:45:23.000 Are you going to decide what you get to eat before we get to start?

01:45:25.000 Oh, you can eat anything you want.

01:45:26.000 Based off what I had yesterday.

01:45:28.000 Anything you want.

01:45:29.000 Anything you want.

01:45:30.000 We have 24 hours.

01:45:31.000 In 24 hours, we're going to take shit, so we're going to wham.

01:45:33.000 Oh, that.

01:45:34.000 Okay.

01:45:34.000 I thought you were going to say how long we could hold it for.

01:45:36.000 That's what I thought.

01:45:36.000 But you have to hold it in as long as you can because between now and 24 hours, you want to preserve your shit.

01:45:41.000 I can do that.

01:45:42.000 You think you could, but that's bad for you.

01:45:46.000 It's really bad for you to not shit.

01:45:49.000 Wouldn't you want to eat a bunch of terrible food so that your body doesn't absorb any of it and you shit on it?

01:45:54.000 All the weight.

01:45:55.000 But they would strain the liquid.

01:45:56.000 We need solids.

01:45:58.000 Only solids.

01:45:58.000 Liquids don't count.

01:45:59.000 Because you could just give something that gives you horrible diarrhea and the weight of water.

01:46:04.000 So what we'd do is you'd do a spaghetti strainer.

01:46:10.000 Whatever's left over to throw on a scale.

01:46:12.000 They'll weigh out what the spaghetti strainer is.

01:46:15.000 Minus water.

01:46:16.000 Yeah, and you just shit through it.

01:46:19.000 What would be like the heavy...

01:46:21.000 You'd have to get brisket or something.

01:46:23.000 Class rings.

01:46:26.000 That would be the only food.

01:46:28.000 They would pan for gold first.

01:46:30.000 This guy's eating gold nuggets.

01:46:31.000 Fucking Brian.

01:46:35.000 You can't eat lead paint.

01:46:37.000 How much does lead paint weigh?

01:46:41.000 But if there was a big reward...

01:46:44.000 You remember there was a lady in San Jose that died?

01:46:48.000 Yeah.

01:46:48.000 She was trying to win a game station for her son.

01:46:52.000 And she was drinking water.

01:46:54.000 And there was a radio contest.

01:46:57.000 One of those morning zoo type radio contests.

01:46:59.000 Who could drink the most water?

01:47:01.000 This poor lady died.

01:47:03.000 That's crazy.

01:47:03.000 She drowned herself.

01:47:05.000 No, she just died from water.

01:47:07.000 It's not even drowning.

01:47:08.000 Internal drowning?

01:47:10.000 Yeah, it's weird.

01:47:11.000 If you drink too much water, even if you're breathing in fine, your body will shut down.

01:47:16.000 Your body breaks.

01:47:17.000 Your electrolyte balance gets totally out of whack.

01:47:20.000 If you force a certain amount of water in your body, everybody dies.

01:47:23.000 Isn't it like drinking too much milk does something similar or something?

01:47:27.000 I guess if you get to the same volume, I mean, I'd imagine it's just liquids, but just water itself will kill you, which is really strange to people.

01:47:37.000 Like, most people are not aware that water will kill you.

01:47:41.000 Like, if you told people, like, how much water is too much?

01:47:43.000 Like, keep drinking.

01:47:45.000 The more water, the better.

01:47:48.000 That's how I feel.

01:47:49.000 I feel so good.

01:47:50.000 They lie.

01:47:51.000 I have two gallons of water every day.

01:47:53.000 Always drink water.

01:47:54.000 People want you to believe that there's so much more discipline than they are.

01:47:56.000 How much water do you drink a day?

01:47:58.000 I drink 80% Kill Cliff.

01:48:01.000 Oh, Kill Cliff.

01:48:02.000 I love Kill Cliff.

01:48:04.000 Have you had the new pineapple one?

01:48:05.000 No.

01:48:06.000 Oh, shit.

01:48:06.000 It's mine.

01:48:07.000 I have my own flavor.

01:48:08.000 Oh, I heard about this.

01:48:09.000 That's awesome.

01:48:10.000 We need one right now.

01:48:11.000 Oh, man.

01:48:11.000 That's great.

01:48:12.000 Can you get Jeff to bring us in?

01:48:13.000 Oh, you can go grab it.

01:48:15.000 That's awesome.

01:48:16.000 Pineapple jalapeno.

01:48:17.000 Dude, you have your own fucking drink.

01:48:19.000 I have a CBD drink, too.

01:48:20.000 It's 25 milligrams of CBD. Officer, I was just doing a podcast.

01:48:26.000 CBD with no sugar.

01:48:30.000 Dude.

01:48:31.000 My own drink would be grape, but it would be Japanese grape flavor.

01:48:34.000 Ooh, what's the difference?

01:48:37.000 Japanese grape, Japanese, oh my god, I have the best thing ever.

01:48:41.000 This is a fat person thing.

01:48:42.000 So there's this place called P. Terry's out here.

01:48:44.000 It's a hamburger.

01:48:45.000 I love that place.

01:48:46.000 It's amazing, right?

01:48:47.000 It's a great place.

01:48:47.000 They just opened one next to my house.

01:48:48.000 But they have a thing.

01:48:50.000 It's a root beer float, and they take bargs, the syrup that they use for root beer, but they mix it with ice cream, so the whole thing is a milkshake, root beer milkshake, and it tastes like a root beer float, the whole thing!

01:49:01.000 Oh, I can't!

01:49:04.000 They make a good burger.

01:49:06.000 Oh yeah, it just needs salt.

01:49:08.000 My kids like them more than In-N-Out.

01:49:09.000 I'm like, what am I doing to you?

01:49:11.000 I raised you wrong.

01:49:12.000 Hey, next time you're In-N-Out, try this and tell me if it doesn't help it.

01:49:16.000 They're fries.

01:49:17.000 Get them well done.

01:49:18.000 Listen, bro, I'm a five guys guy.

01:49:20.000 Five guys.

01:49:20.000 Oh, they're about to go out of business, do you hear?

01:49:22.000 I'll buy them!

01:49:24.000 They have better fries, better burgers.

01:49:26.000 They'll put jalapenos on their burgers and bacon.

01:49:29.000 Yeah.

01:49:30.000 They win.

01:49:30.000 And their fries are way better.

01:49:31.000 Thank you, sir.

01:49:32.000 Look at that.

01:49:32.000 Look at this.

01:49:33.000 See my face on it?

01:49:34.000 Oh, my God.

01:49:34.000 That's crazy.

01:49:36.000 And it's goddamn delicious.

01:49:38.000 You're melting, too.

01:49:39.000 We went through like six different...

01:49:41.000 Yeah, there's a spaceship on it.

01:49:43.000 We went through six different versions.

01:49:45.000 It's called Flaming Joe.

01:49:46.000 Try it.

01:49:47.000 Try it.

01:49:50.000 It's legit.

01:49:50.000 Oh, that's delicious.

01:49:51.000 It's legit, right?

01:49:52.000 Oh, delicious.

01:49:53.000 Dude, we went through six versions to try to nail it.

01:49:57.000 And it has hemp in it?

01:49:58.000 Oh, it's got CBD, son.

01:50:00.000 25 milligrams.

01:50:02.000 20 calories.

01:50:03.000 That's good.

01:50:04.000 Good for you.

01:50:06.000 Healthy.

01:50:07.000 TBD. Tastes great.

01:50:08.000 Yum, yum, yum.

01:50:09.000 And my face is on it.

01:50:10.000 Ignore that.

01:50:11.000 I wonder if we...

01:50:12.000 How sad would it be if we made a non-my-face-on-it version?

01:50:15.000 It sold way better.

01:50:16.000 Right.

01:50:17.000 Look, you have Illuminati pyramids underneath your eyes.

01:50:21.000 Shut the fuck up, bro!

01:50:23.000 Jesus Christ, I told you.

01:50:25.000 You're gonna be in.

01:50:26.000 I got a ticket for you.

01:50:29.000 Oh, sweet.

01:50:30.000 Dude, you're in the Illuminati.

01:50:32.000 What would you have to do to be in the Illuminati?

01:50:34.000 If the Illuminati called you up and said, hey, Brian, we enjoy Kill Tony.

01:50:38.000 We think you're a pretty funny guy.

01:50:39.000 We love you when you're on the JRE. We'd like to let you in.

01:50:42.000 Sweet.

01:50:43.000 Awesome.

01:50:44.000 Cool.

01:50:45.000 What do they have to do?

01:50:46.000 You got dental?

01:50:46.000 You got to keep...

01:50:53.000 What do you have to do to keep your mouth shut?

01:50:56.000 Dental?

01:50:56.000 No.

01:51:00.000 Yeah, no.

01:51:01.000 I would totally be in.

01:51:02.000 I think it's awesome.

01:51:03.000 I think the idea of Illuminati already kind of exists, especially when you get to Scientology and stuff like that.

01:51:12.000 I don't think they're in the Illuminati, bro.

01:51:13.000 I mean, they want to believe.

01:51:14.000 They have their own kind of Illuminati situation.

01:51:16.000 But how much of the Illuminati you think is real?

01:51:19.000 Right?

01:51:20.000 Like, the QAnon stuff seems like horse shit.

01:51:23.000 Right.

01:51:24.000 Like, certain conspiracies, you're like, nah, I don't believe that.

01:51:27.000 But for sure, bankers get together.

01:51:30.000 Right?

01:51:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:51:31.000 And that's the shit I'm saying.

01:51:32.000 Like, Illuminati does exist.

01:51:32.000 The definition of it is very broad.

01:51:35.000 People claiming to possess special enlightenment or knowledge of something.

01:51:39.000 Shit, that's this podcast.

01:51:41.000 Yeah, that's everybody here.

01:51:43.000 Anyone listening.

01:51:44.000 Keep going.

01:51:44.000 You're in the Illuminati now.

01:51:46.000 Some mysterious standard known only to the Illuminati or the organization.

01:51:50.000 Oh, that's us too.

01:51:51.000 A sect of 16th century Spanish heretics who claimed special religious enlightenment.

01:51:57.000 Huh.

01:51:58.000 A Bavarian secret society founded in 1776 organized like the Freemasons.

01:52:05.000 So it occurred somewhere in the 1700s.

01:52:10.000 No, 1500s.

01:52:11.000 1500s.

01:52:12.000 Yeah, 1500s.

01:52:14.000 That's right.

01:52:15.000 The 16th century was before that.

01:52:17.000 That's crazy.

01:52:18.000 Why is it that people have always done things like that?

01:52:22.000 Like created these weird little secret societies?

01:52:24.000 I think it made more sense when they wore powdered wigs and shit, you know?

01:52:27.000 But now it's just kind of creepy.

01:52:29.000 You know the story behind the powdered wigs?

01:52:31.000 Do you know how that all started?

01:52:32.000 It was a French royalty and they got syphilis.

01:52:36.000 Their fucking hair started falling out.

01:52:38.000 So these dudes started getting wigs.

01:52:39.000 But why white?

01:52:40.000 Well, I don't know.

01:52:42.000 Maybe that's the only shit they could get.

01:52:43.000 I think there's also fleas and stuff.

01:52:45.000 You have to throw powder in them to keep the fleas out.

01:52:47.000 Or maybe it's white to see the fleas?

01:52:49.000 Like, oh, you got a flea in you?

01:52:50.000 Maybe.

01:52:52.000 Maybe.

01:52:53.000 I think the wig powder was actually to keep the fleas out.

01:52:56.000 The fleas were like...

01:52:57.000 Like, you know, like Gold Bond, medicated powder and shit.

01:53:01.000 Like how it keeps your balls fresh?

01:53:02.000 The same thing it would do, it keeps your feet from stinking.

01:53:05.000 It's because it's antibacterial, right?

01:53:06.000 Isn't that the whole reason?

01:53:07.000 Do you use Gold Bond?

01:53:08.000 Oh, yeah, it's great.

01:53:09.000 The menthol's horrible, though.

01:53:11.000 I got it in my dick hole and it hurts.

01:53:13.000 Hey...

01:53:14.000 Hip-hop hooray.

01:53:15.000 That shit's too strong.

01:53:17.000 But I think that's what they wore them for.

01:53:20.000 I think they wore them because, I mean, the powder.

01:53:22.000 I think they wore the powder because of bugs.

01:53:25.000 And then the wig size became an indicator of how much money you had.

01:53:30.000 So if you had a lot of money, you would be a big wig.

01:53:34.000 That's where the term big wig comes from.

01:53:37.000 Like Steven Spielberg.

01:53:38.000 You don't know who he is?

01:53:39.000 Oh, he's a big wig in the movie industry.

01:53:41.000 That's what you would say.

01:53:42.000 A big wig.

01:53:43.000 That big wig phrase comes from people wearing powdered wigs and the wealthy people having the biggest, most preposterous powdered wigs.

01:53:52.000 That's a big wig.

01:53:54.000 That's why military cuts a thing and lesbians have short hair.

01:54:01.000 And teachers.

01:54:03.000 I want to see your math.

01:54:04.000 If I was in class with you, I bet it would be good.

01:54:07.000 Pineapple and whiskey?

01:54:08.000 That sounds kind of good.

01:54:10.000 How is it?

01:54:11.000 Actually, that's amazing.

01:54:12.000 Is it?

01:54:13.000 Yeah.

01:54:13.000 It's a nice mixer.

01:54:16.000 There we go.

01:54:18.000 Perfect.

01:54:19.000 Oh, that's very good.

01:54:20.000 Dude, put some ice cubes in there.

01:54:22.000 It takes all the pain out of whiskey, though.

01:54:23.000 It's like I feel like a pussy.

01:54:24.000 I feel like I Novocaine to my mouth.

01:54:26.000 Put some broken glass in there.

01:54:28.000 Yeah.

01:54:29.000 It's good though, right?

01:54:30.000 Pineapple soda.

01:54:30.000 Dude, I like this.

01:54:31.000 I love pineapple.

01:54:32.000 Yeah.

01:54:33.000 We came up with it.

01:54:34.000 They were like, we want to do a flavor.

01:54:36.000 What do you want to do?

01:54:36.000 I was like, let's do pineapple and jalapeno.

01:54:40.000 Oh, that's the jalapeno.

01:54:42.000 I love jalapeno.

01:54:43.000 That's that ginger spice almost in the back of your throat.

01:54:46.000 That's great.

01:54:47.000 Yes.

01:54:48.000 And it works perfect with whiskey, dude.

01:54:51.000 Yes.

01:54:51.000 There's some flavors that a lot of people don't respect that are genuine.

01:54:55.000 Here's one.

01:54:57.000 Anchovies and pineapple on a pizza.

01:55:00.000 Double anchovy, double pineapple.

01:55:02.000 I'm out.

01:55:02.000 Please try it.

01:55:04.000 I'm out.

01:55:05.000 I'm out.

01:55:06.000 You're wrong!

01:55:07.000 It's delicious.

01:55:09.000 You don't like olives?

01:55:10.000 No, I hate olives, dude.

01:55:12.000 I feel like that's something though, like in 10 years, I'll go like, you know what?

01:55:16.000 I can taste it now.

01:55:17.000 I love it.

01:55:17.000 You know, I can't taste much.

01:55:21.000 What about caviar?

01:55:23.000 Yeah, I'm not a fish taste guy.

01:55:26.000 That's why I like hard shell fish more than regular fish, except tuna.

01:55:30.000 I like crab and lobster.

01:55:33.000 But when it comes to like, hey, you want some tilapia?

01:55:35.000 I'm like, nah.

01:55:36.000 You like fishy things.

01:55:37.000 Fishy fish.

01:55:38.000 Yeah, fishy fish.

01:55:40.000 Yeah, different fish have different flavors.

01:55:43.000 Here's a weird one.

01:55:44.000 Why do people get so mad if you eat shark?

01:55:48.000 That's a new thing.

01:55:49.000 That's weird.

01:55:50.000 You know, when I was a kid, like, you'd get Mako shark at a restaurant, you felt like a pimp.

01:55:54.000 Like, look at me.

01:55:56.000 I'm eating a shark!

01:55:57.000 He's not eating me!

01:55:58.000 Who's liking sharks either, you know?

01:56:00.000 They're good.

01:56:01.000 No, I mean, like, who's trying to protect them, you know?

01:56:04.000 Well, you know what happened?

01:56:04.000 Fuck sharks.

01:56:05.000 This is like how you could spin a narrative very easily online and just with people in the public sphere.

01:56:11.000 We're good to go.

01:56:33.000 Saying sharks are endangered is like saying bears are endangered.

01:56:36.000 Like, okay, where do you live?

01:56:38.000 You know what I mean?

01:56:39.000 Like, if you live in Manhattan, yeah, not a lot of bears.

01:56:42.000 They're endangered.

01:56:43.000 But if you live in New Jersey, there's a lot of bears.

01:56:45.000 How fucked is that?

01:56:47.000 Like, right next to New York City is a shit ton of bears.

01:56:50.000 Is there really?

01:56:51.000 In New Jersey?

01:56:51.000 Dude, there's more bears per capita in New Jersey than any other state in the lower 48. You never hear about the bears.

01:56:58.000 You always hear about the grossness of it.

01:57:00.000 You do.

01:57:02.000 What about the fucking Gabagool?

01:57:05.000 There's dead bodies and trash and mafia stuff going on.

01:57:08.000 And Joey Diaz is now there hanging out with bears?

01:57:10.000 I don't know what he's doing.

01:57:12.000 I'm giving him time.

01:57:13.000 I talked to him yesterday.

01:57:14.000 He says, tell Balloons I love him.

01:57:17.000 Tell him that.

01:57:17.000 Tell who?

01:57:18.000 Balloons.

01:57:19.000 He calls me Balloons.

01:57:21.000 That's because When I moved to Colorado was the same time this guy decided to make a prank where he pretended his kid flew away in a balloon and it was in the news.

01:57:32.000 And so Joey Diaz goes, that's Joe Rowan trying to fly back to LA. So he started calling me balloons.

01:57:40.000 It's the funniest.

01:57:41.000 I don't know if it's just me and him.

01:57:42.000 That was 11 years ago.

01:57:43.000 I don't know if he just calls you balloons with me, but every time he calls, he goes, hey, I've talked about balloons.

01:57:51.000 He has so much flavor.

01:57:53.000 I love him so much.

01:57:54.000 He just got his knee replaced.

01:57:55.000 You got one knee replaced.

01:57:57.000 Do you really?

01:57:58.000 I mean, my knee's fucked.

01:57:59.000 It hasn't happened in like a year.

01:58:01.000 Does it hurt when you walk, though?

01:58:03.000 It hurts.

01:58:04.000 It acts up where you're just like, oh, it's going to happen again.

01:58:06.000 It feels weak right now for some reason.

01:58:08.000 You never got an MRI, though.

01:58:10.000 No, I did get an MRI. What did they say?

01:58:12.000 They said it was all fucking shattered and shit, but I don't even remember, man.

01:58:17.000 That's the specifics.

01:58:18.000 That's like the...

01:58:19.000 Oh, Jamie, I sent you that David Goggins thing.

01:58:22.000 So don't show his doctor's name.

01:58:24.000 Hide his doctor's name if you can.

01:58:26.000 Just edit that.

01:58:27.000 David Goggins, we were talking about him on the podcast the other day with The Undertaker from WWE. Oh, yeah.

01:58:35.000 Undertaker's had two hip replacements and we were talking about like how crazy it is they can resurface your hips and it took added ten years to his career and then we started talking about Goggins how David Goggins was getting these gigantic cylinders of shit drained out of his knee and so he sent me his MRI results.

01:58:55.000 This is by the way before He ran the Moab 240. He got second place, I believe.

01:59:02.000 Is that what he got?

01:59:03.000 He's holding up a thing, so second place.

01:59:05.000 Jesus Christ.

01:59:07.000 So this is before he ran the Moab 240. Find out if he legitimately got second place, because we need to know.

01:59:13.000 Okay, in a moment.

01:59:15.000 Look at this.

01:59:15.000 These are MRI results.

01:59:17.000 There's a complex tear in the posterior horn of the medial meniscus.

01:59:24.000 Intrasubstance degradation.

01:59:27.000 Can you make it smaller so I can see the whole thing?

01:59:30.000 Oh, it's the size of it?

01:59:31.000 Yeah.

01:59:32.000 Of the anterior horn of the medial meniscus.

01:59:35.000 There is a tear of the inferior articular surface of the anterior horn of the lateral meniscus.

01:59:44.000 Infosubstance degeneration in the anterior and the posterior horns of the lateral meniscus.

01:59:51.000 There is the osteochondral defect in the medial femoral chond...

02:00:14.000 What is that word?

02:00:18.000 Retinoculum?

02:00:21.000 Patella alta.

02:00:23.000 There's a sprain of the quadriceps tendon.

02:00:27.000 Tendinopathy of the patellar tendon.

02:00:31.000 There is the...

02:00:32.000 How do you say that?

02:00:35.000 Teno...

02:00:36.000 Teno...

02:00:37.000 Teno...

02:00:42.000 Tenno...

02:00:44.000 Synobidus?

02:00:46.000 Synobidus of the...

02:00:48.000 All these people love Latin stuff.

02:00:51.000 Of the popliteus tendon.

02:00:55.000 It keeps going.

02:00:58.000 Superspatellar joint effusion.

02:01:03.000 Popliteal cyst.

02:01:06.000 Why, why, why with the complicated words?

02:01:09.000 I hate it.

02:01:09.000 How about part number two is broken, part number three is fucked, part number three, keep going, there's more.

02:01:14.000 Because people, I don't want people to think his knee is okay.

02:01:17.000 Scientists are about to come.

02:01:19.000 There's 14 different things wrong with his leg.

02:01:26.000 Lobulated cysts surrounding the posterior cruciate ligament.

02:01:31.000 Soft tissue edema in the medial aspect of the knee.

02:01:36.000 Moderate arthropathy of the knee.

02:01:40.000 And the motherfucker ran a 238 mile race.

02:01:45.000 That's crazy shit.

02:01:46.000 After that.

02:01:48.000 How is that possible?

02:01:50.000 My knee feels like about half that.

02:01:54.000 You're born to run.

02:01:55.000 You're like a Bruce Springsteen song.

02:01:59.000 Bruce Springsteen.

02:02:02.000 Were you a Springsteen addict?

02:02:03.000 Did you get that?

02:02:04.000 I never got that.

02:02:05.000 I was into Van Allen when I was a kid.

02:02:07.000 I always mix him and Rick Springfield up.

02:02:09.000 I'm like, are they the same guy?

02:02:10.000 No.

02:02:11.000 I like Kiss.

02:02:12.000 I like Kiss.

02:02:13.000 Yeah.

02:02:14.000 I like Van Halen.

02:02:15.000 I did like some Springsteen songs.

02:02:17.000 I wasn't like a Springsteen fanatic.

02:02:19.000 That's a Jersey thing, right?

02:02:21.000 Moab 240, second place.

02:02:23.000 Yeah, he came in second place.

02:02:25.000 That's craziness.

02:02:26.000 He's so nuts.

02:02:27.000 He's probably so mad that he came in second and not first with his fucked up name.

02:02:32.000 Damn.

02:02:33.000 Yeah, I love Born to Run.

02:02:35.000 It was a little later, but Brilliant Disguise.

02:02:39.000 Bruce Springsteen has some great songs.

02:02:41.000 Yeah, but they're all fireworks songs.

02:02:42.000 You hear them every Fourth of July.

02:02:44.000 Get out of my head.

02:02:53.000 Isn't it weird how like when guys get like super political as they get old or Bruce Springsteen's definitely not like a real super well not before Trump right he was never really super political like publicly before Trump but it seemed like Trump was enough for him and he just had a you know What's that other guy too that wasn't a musician but an actor like James Caan or he got super James Woods?

02:03:18.000 James Woods, yeah.

02:03:19.000 He's not even an actor anymore.

02:03:20.000 He's just an angry, crazy man.

02:03:22.000 He supported Obama a lot.

02:03:24.000 Yeah, he supported Obama a lot.

02:03:26.000 But he wasn't negative about anybody.

02:03:31.000 See, there's a different thing, right?

02:03:34.000 It's like you have a political candidate that you support.

02:03:37.000 Even if I disagree with you, you're just supporting your guy.

02:03:41.000 But there's a thing that happens, and I don't disagree with Obama, but what I'm saying is there's an attitude that people have when they disagree with someone, when they hate someone.

02:03:51.000 It becomes a different thing.

02:03:54.000 Robert De Niro hated Donald Trump.

02:03:56.000 Hated.

02:03:57.000 When he said he wanted to punch him, when he did the awards, he was like, fuck Trump.

02:04:01.000 Remember that?

02:04:03.000 Yeah, but that's old man shit.

02:04:04.000 It is.

02:04:04.000 They might have some history.

02:04:06.000 Get that motherfucker!

02:04:07.000 I'm sure they do.

02:04:08.000 I'm sure they do.

02:04:09.000 But it's also a different thing.

02:04:11.000 It's a different thing.

02:04:12.000 To support someone is one thing, but to say fuck someone is a different thing.

02:04:17.000 You know?

02:04:19.000 That's a weird distinction.

02:04:21.000 It's like, wow, you're inviting the mob to come for you.

02:04:24.000 You're inviting the mob, right?

02:04:25.000 And they came for Robert De Niro, man.

02:04:27.000 All those pro-trumpettes, all the little Trumpensteins, all those little trumplers, they all came after him.

02:04:36.000 They really did.

02:04:37.000 They get real mad.

02:04:38.000 Trumples.

02:04:39.000 They get real mad at Robert De Niro.

02:04:42.000 Yeah.

02:04:43.000 Well, I think there were some people at the end that really hoped that this QAnon stuff was correct and that Trump was going to swoop in with these overwhelming indictments of all these elites that have been fucking kids in the basement of pizza places.

02:04:59.000 You know what I mean?

02:05:00.000 There were some people that really believed that.

02:05:03.000 There's a lot of people that believe that shit, and it's mental illness, man.

02:05:08.000 It's mixed in with...

02:05:09.000 It's kind of like a comic convention, where they're all dressing up as like...

02:05:14.000 They're LARPing.

02:05:15.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:05:17.000 It's like...

02:05:18.000 What do you think all those Civil War museum recreator guys are doing nowadays?

02:05:24.000 It's furries mixed with history.

02:05:28.000 Dude, I said the same thing the other day, basically.

02:05:30.000 I said it's a version of believing in Bigfoot.

02:05:33.000 Yeah, it is.

02:05:34.000 It's the same thing.

02:05:35.000 Same shit.

02:05:35.000 You want to be the one who knows.

02:05:37.000 The other people don't know.

02:05:39.000 It's Disney bloggers.

02:05:40.000 I need to open your eyes.

02:05:43.000 I need to open your eyes to truth.

02:05:47.000 Okay, Pizzagate is real!

02:05:49.000 Then something like this happens, though, and then they're like, well, see?

02:05:53.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:05:53.000 Well, that's the thing.

02:05:55.000 Human trafficking is way different.

02:05:57.000 No, no, it's not, though.

02:05:58.000 33 missing kids recovered in joint Los Angeles-based operation combating human trafficking.

02:06:04.000 It's not, because as long as there really is human trafficking, as long as kids really are being abducted, as long as, like, sex slaves are real, as long as that stuff's real...

02:06:14.000 Like, then they've got a convoluted, fucked up, distorted comic book version of a point.

02:06:21.000 Yeah, but don't you think, like, we all know, like, one of the things that hasn't happened yet, but like, oh yeah, we've known about that for a while, but we've been looking the other way, is that if you go to Tijuana right now, there's so much prostitution and illegal, and you know half those are kids and shit like that.

02:06:35.000 That's just fucking that, you know?

02:06:38.000 That's true.

02:06:38.000 And we're all just acting like we don't know about that.

02:06:41.000 That's true, but we don't feel like we're responsible for shit that doesn't happen inside of our borders.

02:06:45.000 But it's five miles away from San Diego, which is the biggest military base ever.

02:06:50.000 Well, you know, Mariana Van Zeller, who has that show, Trafficked.

02:06:54.000 Have you ever seen that show, Trafficked?

02:06:55.000 It's an amazing show.

02:06:57.000 I had her on the podcast, and one of the things that she talked about was selling guns to Mexico.

02:07:03.000 And she watched, she had this whole expose where this guy, every week, fills his trunk up with guns and just drives down to Mexico because there's no stopping you going in.

02:07:14.000 So he's just bringing guns into Mexico from LA. And I said, well, where is he getting these guns?

02:07:19.000 She's like, the LA Police Department.

02:07:21.000 He's like, what?

02:07:23.000 There's some bad actor in the LA Police Department that supplies this guy with guns.

02:07:29.000 So they take guns from bad guys, they sell it to this guy, and he sells it to the cartel.

02:07:36.000 And it's happening right now.

02:07:37.000 They just drive down to Mexico because it's easy to get in.

02:07:40.000 Coming back, it's like, you better not have any guns.

02:07:42.000 I don't have any guns.

02:07:43.000 Okay, see you next week, Charlie.

02:07:47.000 The show's great.

02:07:49.000 Have you seen that show?

02:07:50.000 I feel like I have, yeah.

02:07:52.000 It's on the Science Channel?

02:07:54.000 Nat Geo.

02:07:55.000 Dude, it's really good.

02:07:56.000 It's really good.

02:07:57.000 The episode I watched, the first one, was on cocaine.

02:08:01.000 I was like, God damn it.

02:08:03.000 It's crazy.

02:08:04.000 They go to Columbia.

02:08:04.000 They show how they're making the cocaine.

02:08:06.000 Then she walks with the people that make the cocaine.

02:08:08.000 Five years ago?

02:08:09.000 No.

02:08:10.000 Recent.

02:08:11.000 Okay.

02:08:11.000 This year.

02:08:12.000 Okay.

02:08:12.000 She walks with the people that make the cocaine.

02:08:15.000 They carry it in their backpack.

02:08:17.000 They can't drive with it.

02:08:18.000 They'll get hijacked and shit.

02:08:20.000 People will take it.

02:08:21.000 The cops will take it.

02:08:22.000 Someone will take it.

02:08:23.000 They're walking around with a quarter of a million dollars worth of coke on their back.

02:08:28.000 And they walk for like 18 hours through the jungle.

02:08:31.000 And she does it with him.

02:08:32.000 I'm like, oh my god.

02:08:33.000 It's a crazy show because it's one, it's fascinating because she really does show you exactly how the coke is grown, how it's dried.

02:08:44.000 You would think the people growing the coke are like these cartel people, but it's not the case.

02:08:48.000 They're poor farmers.

02:08:50.000 The coke is grown, the leaves are dried out on the side of the road.

02:08:56.000 They're grown by farmers.

02:08:57.000 So you see families that are laying these coca leaves out on these gigantic blankets and they're drying them out in the sun.

02:09:05.000 And you're like, holy shit!

02:09:06.000 And you realize that these people are barely getting by and they're growing coke.

02:09:11.000 Haven't had the time of their lives.

02:09:13.000 But here's the other thing.

02:09:15.000 I know, right?

02:09:16.000 That's the biggest party ever.

02:09:18.000 We're feeling all sad about these kids.

02:09:20.000 They're fucking raving, hopscopching.

02:09:23.000 That's another thing that Dr. Carl Hart was telling me about cocaine.

02:09:26.000 If you get real cocaine from the source, pure cocaine, like in Colombia, it's amazing.

02:09:33.000 It's so good.

02:09:34.000 It's so good.

02:09:35.000 We just have this bullshit stepped-on version of Coke.

02:09:38.000 It's like if you were drinking liquor, but it wasn't like, you know, Austin still, still Austin whiskey.

02:09:45.000 It was like some fucking battery acid shit that's mixed in with antifreeze and, you know, fucking...

02:09:52.000 What is the stuff that Kitty Dukakis got caught drinking?

02:09:57.000 Aftershave.

02:09:58.000 She was drinking aftershave.

02:09:59.000 Rubbing alcohol.

02:10:00.000 Rubbing alcohol.

02:10:01.000 The bums near my house growing up in college, that's what they would drink.

02:10:05.000 They would buy a bottle of rubbing alcohol from the grocery store and get drunk on that.

02:10:09.000 And you always see them carrying the little brown bottle and shit like that.

02:10:11.000 I got you one more.

02:10:12.000 Ready for this?

02:10:13.000 You know what kids have been doing lately?

02:10:14.000 Duster?

02:10:15.000 No.

02:10:15.000 They take a tampon.

02:10:17.000 They stuff a tampon into rubbing alcohol and they stick it up their culo.

02:10:21.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:25.000 Hell yeah, that shit's good.

02:10:27.000 That's how you party.

02:10:29.000 That's how you party in Burbank.

02:10:32.000 Oh, MaxCab is like a slow drip.

02:10:34.000 It's like one of those patches that gives you a fucking...

02:10:38.000 What's that stuff?

02:10:40.000 Ketamine.

02:10:41.000 Ketamine patch.

02:10:42.000 Some people have ketamine patches.

02:10:44.000 They're just hanging out with us all day long, acting like everything's fine.

02:10:47.000 Meanwhile, they're in some 3D version of a UFO. There's little rooms they go into, different versions of reality.

02:10:54.000 I thought I heard this too.

02:10:55.000 I don't remember if I looked this up or not, but there's an article on Healthline.com.

02:11:00.000 Healthline.com?

02:11:01.000 What is that?

02:11:02.000 It looked into this.

02:11:03.000 And there's reasons why they think it's probably a myth that people don't probably do that.

02:11:07.000 I would put all my chips.

02:11:10.000 I would bet money on that.

02:11:11.000 All my chips into kids definitely have stuffed tampons filled with rubbing alcohol up their assholes.

02:11:19.000 Especially since the story came out and you know so many people are like, well, I'm going to try that.

02:11:22.000 I'm taking everything I've ever worked for.

02:11:25.000 I'm pushing it right here.

02:11:26.000 Give me one!

02:11:27.000 Show me one!

02:11:28.000 West Virginia's got 36 of them!

02:11:31.000 I bet people have died from it.

02:11:33.000 I bet people have died from it.

02:11:35.000 Google this.

02:11:36.000 How many guys have died from a tampon filled with rubbing alcohol stuffed up their ass?

02:11:41.000 I bet there's an article right here from HuffPost.

02:11:43.000 This is from 2011, though, so there's a lot of time to go.

02:11:46.000 Bartender a dirty martini with a tampon.

02:11:49.000 Vodka in a tampon is allegedly the new rage among underage drinkers to get drunk.

02:11:56.000 However...

02:11:57.000 I couldn't find a single article on Google verifying that it actually worked.

02:12:02.000 Because it's underage.

02:12:04.000 It's illegal.

02:12:06.000 They're not even adults.

02:12:09.000 I decided that I would have to test the rumor myself.

02:12:12.000 Oh, that bitch stuffed a tampon up her culo or in her vajayjay.

02:12:18.000 If I was a woman, why would I stick it up my ass so I could just put it in my pussy?

02:12:23.000 How much alcohol, how much do you put in it?

02:12:26.000 A lot.

02:12:27.000 As much as you can?

02:12:28.000 How much do you want to get drunk?

02:12:31.000 I'm not ever going to do it, but butt chugging.

02:12:32.000 They do butt funnels.

02:12:34.000 I like how you said, I'm not ever going to do it.

02:12:36.000 Well, I don't want to make you think.

02:12:39.000 What?

02:12:39.000 I've tried it.

02:12:40.000 He's got to let us know.

02:12:41.000 I'm terrified of butt pleasure, so I'm just going to let you know right now, I'm not doing it.

02:12:48.000 Opposite of just a beer funnel.

02:12:51.000 It's definitely not the opposite of a beer funnel, because it's going in your asshole.

02:12:54.000 It's the other way.

02:12:55.000 The opposite of a beer funnel would be like a carrot smoothie.

02:13:06.000 A beer funnel.

02:13:07.000 That's a weird thing, right?

02:13:09.000 I can't get drunk quick enough!

02:13:10.000 Woo!

02:13:11.000 That's like those dabbers.

02:13:12.000 We used to have two-story beer bongs.

02:13:16.000 Remember those things?

02:13:17.000 Were you good at beer bongs growing up?

02:13:18.000 I sucked at beer bongs.

02:13:20.000 But we had a two-floor one where all these people filled beer and you had an adult two-floor house.

02:13:25.000 There's a Vice article about it that someone goes deep and there's Vaseline pictures and shit about butt chugging.

02:13:31.000 Oh, let's go.

02:13:31.000 Put it up there.

02:13:32.000 Butt chugging.

02:13:33.000 Here we go.

02:13:34.000 Things I learned from butt chugging!

02:13:40.000 Vice still got it.

02:13:41.000 Who is this guy?

02:13:41.000 Who is the article?

02:13:43.000 Jeff Winkler.

02:13:44.000 All right, shout out to Jeff.

02:13:46.000 Poor Henry.

02:13:46.000 Good for him.

02:13:47.000 Okay.

02:13:49.000 Okay, that's enough.

02:13:50.000 That's enough.

02:13:51.000 I bet he did it.

02:13:52.000 Isn't it funny?

02:13:53.000 Vice used to be this really radical website.

02:13:56.000 Now it's all wokesters.

02:13:58.000 I know.

02:13:58.000 It's weird.

02:13:59.000 It is weird.

02:14:00.000 They've gone through a lot of different changes.

02:14:01.000 What happened, money?

02:14:03.000 What do you think happened?

02:14:05.000 Because if you really stop and think about it, it was...

02:14:10.000 I mean, what were they in the beginning?

02:14:12.000 It was just this cool magazine that you'd see in the corner of things.

02:14:15.000 You'd pick it up and be like, oh, look, cool shit in there.

02:14:17.000 It was in Montreal, right?

02:14:19.000 It was like they had sneakers, right?

02:14:20.000 Brooklyn, yeah, just like pictures.

02:14:22.000 Yeah, it was just a free little magazine, I remember.

02:14:24.000 It was one of those things, once people knew about it, it was like, ah, everyone found out about this thing now.

02:14:29.000 But now it's, like, super woke.

02:14:31.000 It is woke.

02:14:32.000 I have that channel now, and I didn't know there was a channel.

02:14:36.000 Like, I just learned that recently.

02:14:38.000 And I watch it, you know, it's very different than, it's almost like, this week on, you know, like.

02:14:45.000 It started with Shane and Gavin.

02:14:47.000 He's still on there.

02:14:48.000 Shane's still on.

02:14:49.000 Yeah, yeah, he's still on there.

02:14:51.000 They were like these wild dudes.

02:14:53.000 I remember one of them was Shane was in Thailand with a bunch of ladyboys in a hot tub and they were drinking.

02:14:59.000 And I was like, whoa, look at this guy.

02:15:01.000 That guy's the head of the network?

02:15:03.000 How wild is he?

02:15:04.000 I haven't drank with Shane in a while.

02:15:05.000 We used to get drunk with Shane.

02:15:08.000 We did podcasts with him where we got trashed.

02:15:10.000 Yeah.

02:15:12.000 Trashed.

02:15:12.000 Way more trash than I ever got with Gavin.

02:15:14.000 I don't think I ever got trashed with Gavin.

02:15:16.000 Newsom?

02:15:17.000 No.

02:15:18.000 The other one.

02:15:20.000 McGinnis.

02:15:21.000 Gavin doesn't.

02:15:21.000 He only drinks Merlot.

02:15:25.000 He's such a hit.

02:15:26.000 He's such a Merlot boy.

02:15:29.000 I got my mask on inside.

02:15:32.000 No.

02:15:32.000 No mask.

02:15:33.000 No mask.

02:15:35.000 No mask.

02:15:36.000 I'm going to lie about being inside, too.

02:15:37.000 I was an outside bitch.

02:15:39.000 I'm going to open up tomorrow.

02:15:40.000 No, I'm not!

02:15:42.000 Isn't he supposed to open up now?

02:15:44.000 No, he just opened it.

02:15:44.000 They just dropped the order so that I think it's up to...

02:15:47.000 No, stay at home is the only thing I heard.

02:15:49.000 But what about restaurants?

02:15:50.000 It's up to the counties, I think.

02:15:52.000 Counties are back to colored tier system.

02:15:54.000 God, they've got to open up.

02:15:56.000 Outdoor seating coming soon.

02:15:59.000 Not here.

02:16:00.000 Isn't it funny when you live here for a little bit?

02:16:02.000 It's craziness.

02:16:03.000 And you're like, oh, this is how you're supposed to be able to live.

02:16:06.000 You know what?

02:16:08.000 I really wondered how it was going to be like.

02:16:11.000 It's a safe version of obvious.

02:16:15.000 Every restaurant's being very safe about everything.

02:16:19.000 Everything's split out how it should be to a normal degree.

02:16:22.000 It's not overreacting.

02:16:24.000 It's the right way to do it.

02:16:27.000 It's ridiculous.

02:16:29.000 Well, it could have been done everywhere this way.

02:16:31.000 We're out of ice, unfortunately.

02:16:33.000 It could have been done everywhere.

02:16:35.000 It should have been done this way everywhere.

02:16:40.000 They should have given people the opportunity and they should have opened up more hospital beds.

02:16:44.000 They should have figured out a way to do that.

02:16:46.000 It would be at a far lower cost than what it's been to all these business owners.

02:16:54.000 And I'm not saying that you should be cruel and not give a fuck about people's grandparents or, you know, people that have...

02:17:01.000 Yeah, just take that thing like that and fill it up.

02:17:05.000 For the people that aren't vulnerable, do you understand that's most people?

02:17:09.000 Most people are not that vulnerable.

02:17:11.000 It's a small percentage of people, relatively.

02:17:14.000 Not to be cruel to that small percentage, but we have to think about the consequences of shutting everything down for a long-ass period of time.

02:17:21.000 And also, I hate to put a fucking...

02:17:35.000 Oh, Jesus,

02:17:51.000 Jamie!

02:17:52.000 We're going to die!

02:17:53.000 I'm sure they have those everywhere.

02:17:55.000 Look at them.

02:17:56.000 He just went back in the Matrix.

02:17:58.000 He did.

02:18:01.000 Just drink it, bitch.

02:18:03.000 Oh, God.

02:18:04.000 It's going to be alcohol.

02:18:05.000 God, now I got your fucking forehead sweat in my drink.

02:18:08.000 My forehead?

02:18:09.000 Yeah, because of these suits.

02:18:11.000 It's healthy.

02:18:14.000 It's all liquid IV. Dude, it's all elk and alpino.

02:18:17.000 Yeah, it's elk, alpinos, and liquid IV. That's my forehead sweat.

02:18:24.000 What were we just saying before Jamie came and stumbled?

02:18:28.000 What were we saying?

02:18:29.000 Do you remember what we were saying?

02:18:30.000 I don't actually remember.

02:18:33.000 That's the problem.

02:18:34.000 Cocaine.

02:18:34.000 Cocaine?

02:18:35.000 Wait, what?

02:18:35.000 Yeah.

02:18:36.000 Really?

02:18:36.000 Well, we're talking about Dr. Carl Hart.

02:18:37.000 That's what started it all off.

02:18:39.000 You want a cigar?

02:18:40.000 No, I'm good.

02:18:41.000 Do you smoke cigars?

02:18:42.000 Actually, I will have it for just the nicotine.

02:18:44.000 If you have a half-smoked cigar, I'll smoke that so you don't have to waste one.

02:18:48.000 No, just smoke half of them.

02:18:48.000 Be a degenerate.

02:18:49.000 Be a wasteful person.

02:18:52.000 That's another thing with the olives and the sardines and shit.

02:18:55.000 I still haven't gotten into cigars.

02:18:56.000 I've tried maybe a hundred times, but I think cigars are just for people that really should start smoking cigarettes.

02:19:06.000 It's much more of a mild reaction, because I've smoked Dave Chappelle's cigarettes before, and I've smoked Hinchcliffe's cigarettes before.

02:19:14.000 I love that Chappelle still smokes.

02:19:16.000 One of my favorite things was...

02:19:17.000 He's a wild man, dude.

02:19:19.000 He's a wild man.

02:19:20.000 That's a torch.

02:19:21.000 Be careful with that.

02:19:22.000 One of my favorite things was when Chappelle first started coming back to the comedy store, and he ran out of cigarettes on stage, and he goes, Hey, Brian, you got any cigarettes?

02:19:30.000 And I was like...

02:19:30.000 And I gave him my whole pack, and he smoked the whole thing in like half an hour.

02:19:33.000 He smokes cigarettes, man.

02:19:36.000 He's super healthy.

02:19:37.000 Do you think it's legit that those American spirits and shit like that are actually not that bad for you?

02:19:46.000 No, that shit's worse for you.

02:19:47.000 Look at Jamie.

02:19:49.000 That shit's worse for you, Joe.

02:19:50.000 Well, don't you think the chemicals involved in regency, like Marlboro's?

02:19:54.000 No, you know what that is?

02:19:55.000 That's shit.

02:19:57.000 That's like going against science.

02:19:58.000 Science found a way to make that not hit as harsh.

02:20:01.000 That's what that chemical does.

02:20:03.000 Science found a way to make that...

02:20:06.000 All those extra chemicals in cigarettes are for a reason.

02:20:09.000 They don't just throw them in there because they have a big batch of chemicals.

02:20:13.000 We need to smoke an American spirit.

02:20:16.000 The next day you wake up, I'm going, oh my god, my lungs have water in the middle.

02:20:21.000 Before I tear your argument apart, please tell me what you think those extra chemicals are doing in cigarettes.

02:20:26.000 They make it smoother.

02:20:28.000 Each one probably has a reason for it.

02:20:30.000 That's what I was saying.

02:20:32.000 They don't just throw a bunch of chemicals in cigarettes.

02:20:35.000 One probably makes it so that if it falls on the side of the road, it doesn't catch on fire.

02:20:40.000 Actually, that's a ring that goes around the filter.

02:20:42.000 Did you know that?

02:20:43.000 Yeah.

02:20:43.000 If you look at a cigarette, there's a ring that goes around the filter, and I was like, what's that ring?

02:20:48.000 When it gets to the ring, it actually puts the fire out.

02:20:51.000 There's a study done.

02:20:52.000 Apparently, 50 to 60% of adults that were asked view American spirits as less harmful.

02:20:58.000 They're not?

02:20:59.000 But that's because they market them as natural, organic, or additive-free.

02:21:02.000 They've got an Indian on the fucking cover!

02:21:03.000 It's marketing.

02:21:04.000 Hey, how are they allowed to have an Indian on the cover and not get called out?

02:21:07.000 Right.

02:21:08.000 How do they not get called out for that?

02:21:09.000 Because they bought that land.

02:21:11.000 Do you know, by the way, I'm saying Indian because of my conversations with actual Native Americans.

02:21:16.000 Some of them like to be called Indians.

02:21:19.000 Did you know that?

02:21:20.000 I think a lot of them probably do.

02:21:22.000 Some people will say it's offensive.

02:21:24.000 They want to be called Native Americans.

02:21:25.000 But they don't.

02:21:26.000 Some of them don't.

02:21:28.000 It's not a universal agreement.

02:21:30.000 Hasn't white people killed that name, Native Americans?

02:21:32.000 I'm half Native or 10% Native American.

02:21:35.000 Indians are probably like, just call me Indian, please.

02:21:37.000 Right.

02:21:38.000 Right, right.

02:21:39.000 That's the thing where, like, shady white people will pretend.

02:21:42.000 Yeah.

02:21:44.000 They'll pretend they're part Native American.

02:21:47.000 California Attorney General Jerry Brown, 2010. Oh, that motherfucker.

02:21:51.000 Yeah.

02:21:52.000 They got the company to clearly disclose that its organic tobacco is, quote, no safer or healthier than other tobacco products.

02:22:00.000 Because they don't have studies.

02:22:02.000 Yeah, but what about the chemicals?

02:22:03.000 The fucking government's trying to hold them down, bro.

02:22:05.000 It says they have no additives in our tobacco.

02:22:07.000 But maybe they should.

02:22:10.000 Do you remember that movie with Russell Crowe, The Insider?

02:22:13.000 Yeah.

02:22:14.000 That movie was all about tobacco companies making cigarettes with extra chemicals in them to make them more addictive.

02:22:21.000 In the 80s, though, don't you think that they'd probably be like, all right, take out the licorice.

02:22:25.000 They probably had extra shit in there.

02:22:29.000 No, I think there's chemicals in there that stimulate.

02:22:32.000 Is that true?

02:22:33.000 Yeah, there's an FTC. This is in this article, too.

02:22:37.000 Around 2000, the FTC, there was a ruling, an agreement that resulted from allegations that additive free cigarettes made consumers feel, I guess, more about natural American cigarettes.

02:22:49.000 They make people feel better because there's an Indian on the cover.

02:22:52.000 Let me see the picture.

02:22:53.000 Pull up a cover of...

02:22:55.000 Dude, when did they make cigars like Jules?

02:23:00.000 Did Jules make this cigar?

02:23:02.000 No, they just kind of flattened it a little bit.

02:23:04.000 They're good though, right?

02:23:05.000 This is a Jules cigar!

02:23:06.000 Yeah, there's a Native American smoking a peace pipe.

02:23:09.000 Look, you can be spiritual too.

02:23:11.000 You can become one with the land.

02:23:14.000 And know the ways of the buffalo.

02:23:17.000 Yeah, I smoked those for about six months and went back to Parliament.

02:23:20.000 They give zero money to Native Americans, is that correct?

02:23:23.000 How much money goes to Native Americans for being a part of Native Spirits?

02:23:26.000 That got bought by the big company.

02:23:28.000 I need to know.

02:23:29.000 How much of that money went to the reservations?

02:23:31.000 That's a good question.

02:23:33.000 It is, right?

02:23:35.000 Like, imagine.

02:23:36.000 Are they supposed to be donating, or...?

02:23:40.000 Yeah, American Spirits, I called bullshit on that a long time ago.

02:23:43.000 And that's just called waking up in the morning and going, oh my god, I feel like I just smoked a whole nightclub.

02:23:50.000 Here's a legit question that'll make everybody uncomfortable.

02:23:53.000 What percentage of Aunt Jemima should go to black people?

02:23:58.000 What percentage?

02:24:00.000 There's a black lady on the cover of the label, Aunt Jemima.

02:24:04.000 Oh, yeah.

02:24:05.000 Right?

02:24:06.000 I would say 10%.

02:24:08.000 What about Uncle Ben?

02:24:09.000 It's another one.

02:24:10.000 Mix it in.

02:24:11.000 Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben.

02:24:13.000 Yeah, paying back those reparations or whatever.

02:24:15.000 Like, dude, all that shit, 10% from Uncle Ben, 10% from Aunt Jemima, 10% from Great Drink.

02:24:21.000 We are not economists, so I don't think we should give out percentages.

02:24:25.000 But we should acknowledge that, look, if you have, like, Eskimo cakes...

02:24:30.000 And then the Eskimo community comes along and says, first of all, you can't say Eskimo anymore.

02:24:34.000 Because some people want to be Inuits.

02:24:37.000 But other people are cool with Eskimo, but they want a piece.

02:24:39.000 They want a piece of the action.

02:24:40.000 How many Eskimos are on the fucking board of directors?

02:24:44.000 Zero?

02:24:44.000 You got zero?

02:24:45.000 Well, you gotta give us a cut.

02:24:46.000 You can't just be selling Eskimo cakes.

02:24:49.000 You fucking racist assholes.

02:24:51.000 10% goes to Eskimos.

02:24:52.000 They're changing the name of that, too.

02:24:53.000 Eskimo pies?

02:24:55.000 What's it called now?

02:24:56.000 Cold-ass bitches?

02:25:00.000 Inuit cookies.

02:25:02.000 Just like the football team.

02:25:05.000 Maybe they haven't come up with an actual name yet.

02:25:07.000 They just said they're going to change it.

02:25:08.000 Is this good or is this bad?

02:25:10.000 Is this good for us to be so sensitive about things that we've had forever?

02:25:14.000 Or is it bad?

02:25:15.000 Because part of me sees it's good.

02:25:17.000 Part of me says, yeah, you got to write.

02:25:18.000 But part of me sees that they're weaponizing crazy people.

02:25:21.000 Because it's like, yeah, you should be more sensitive.

02:25:24.000 But also, why are you complaining so much?

02:25:26.000 There's two things happening at the same time.

02:25:29.000 It's like, is your whole life Eskimo cookies?

02:25:31.000 It's bad.

02:25:32.000 What's bad?

02:25:33.000 It's bad for everybody?

02:25:34.000 We should recognize it, but we shouldn't change it.

02:25:37.000 As an example, the Ant-O-Mima shit, the family of Ant-O-Mima was like, no, that's our legacy!

02:25:45.000 And Ant-O-Mima shit was real.

02:25:47.000 I have those Ant-O-Mima statues, those antiques from a long time ago that my mom gave me because she did one in her house.

02:25:54.000 Washington Redskins, like if you call someone a Redskin, that is a derogatory term, right?

02:25:59.000 Isn't it?

02:26:00.000 Like universally considered, like Native Americans did not, or Indians did not call themselves Redskins.

02:26:06.000 Probably not, I wouldn't say that.

02:26:08.000 That's like the fucking- Maybe the bad, the Indians, like they considered them a bad.

02:26:13.000 Like if they were the Jerusalem Japs.

02:26:17.000 Like, there's no way.

02:26:18.000 You can't do that.

02:26:19.000 And they had like the Japanese people from Bugs Bunny with the crazy eyes and the teeth.

02:26:25.000 No way, right?

02:26:26.000 Mm-hmm.

02:26:27.000 If you had the Cleveland cunts and you just had like a Karen as your mascot, some chick...

02:26:33.000 People would allow that, probably.

02:26:34.000 You think they would allow that?

02:26:35.000 Go for it.

02:26:35.000 If you had the Cleveland Karens...

02:26:37.000 Oh, that would be so awesome.

02:26:39.000 They're going to kill that name.

02:26:40.000 Karen?

02:26:41.000 I dated a girl named Karen.

02:26:42.000 She was a nice lady.

02:26:43.000 There's no reason to despair.

02:26:44.000 Oh, yeah.

02:26:44.000 That name's fucked, right?

02:26:45.000 That name's fucked.

02:26:47.000 If you're Karen now, what are you going to go by?

02:26:49.000 Oh.

02:26:49.000 I talked to a lady, how sweet of a person, but how dumb was this answer?

02:26:54.000 I go, does it bother you?

02:26:56.000 I go, hi, I'm Joe.

02:26:57.000 She goes, I'm Karen.

02:26:58.000 I go, does it bother you all this Karen talk?

02:27:00.000 She goes, no, because I spell it differently.

02:27:03.000 Isn't it weird, though?

02:27:04.000 Names are weird.

02:27:05.000 Like, Joe, do you remember, did you ever ask your mom, like, who you're named?

02:27:10.000 Like, I was named after Brian's song when that movie came out.

02:27:13.000 Like, every girl called their, that year, every girl called their baby Brian.

02:27:18.000 That's why there's so many fucking Brians.

02:27:20.000 Because that dumbass movie.

02:27:22.000 Now there's not...

02:27:22.000 Brian's not a popular name.

02:27:23.000 You don't hear baby Brian's nowadays.

02:27:26.000 Do you know if you were named after somebody in particular?

02:27:28.000 Super easy.

02:27:29.000 My family was so unoriginal.

02:27:31.000 Bubba Joe.

02:27:32.000 My dad's name was Joseph.

02:27:34.000 My grandfather's name was Joseph.

02:27:36.000 My grandmother's name was Josephine.

02:27:38.000 This is a super unoriginal family.

02:27:41.000 Right.

02:27:42.000 Okay.

02:27:42.000 That was Joe.

02:27:43.000 Yeah.

02:27:44.000 Jamie, were you anything Jamie?

02:27:46.000 His dad wanted a girl.

02:27:48.000 Oh, well.

02:27:49.000 Well, technically after my grandparents, too.

02:27:51.000 My grandfathers.

02:27:53.000 What's that?

02:27:53.000 Jamie the horror movie?

02:27:55.000 They were going to call him Lindsay, but the mother was like, no, you're not going to do that to him.

02:27:59.000 Oh, what if it was Jamie Curtis?

02:28:00.000 There's plenty of Lindseys!

02:28:01.000 They're good guys!

02:28:02.000 There's plenty of Lindseys!

02:28:04.000 James Taylor was popular at the time, so it was like a little bit after that, but I guess my mom's brother had a best friend.

02:28:10.000 His name is also Jamie, so that's why they just started calling me that.

02:28:12.000 You just call out my name.

02:28:16.000 And you know wherever I am.

02:28:20.000 That's you, Jamie.

02:28:22.000 When your dad shot his seed into your mom.

02:28:25.000 Oh, yeah.

02:28:26.000 I'll come running.

02:28:28.000 That's way better than Jamie Curtis.

02:28:32.000 No, it's just big Halloween fans.

02:28:34.000 But there was male Lindsays, right?

02:28:36.000 Wasn't there a bunch of male Lindsays?

02:28:37.000 Yeah, he's a singer, right?

02:28:39.000 Well, there was actors.

02:28:42.000 Wasn't there?

02:28:44.000 There was a few.

02:28:46.000 Male Lindsays were a real thing.

02:28:49.000 You name your kid Lindsey now.

02:28:51.000 You're an asshole.

02:28:52.000 Lindsey Buckingham is the one I was talking about.

02:28:54.000 Lindsey Buckingham, that's right.

02:28:56.000 What was his big song?

02:28:57.000 He had a big song.

02:28:58.000 Wasn't he in Fleetwood Mac or some shit?

02:29:01.000 Yeah, correct.

02:29:02.000 What was his big song?

02:29:04.000 Fleetwood Mac stuff.

02:29:06.000 Yeah, but he had a big song on his own.

02:29:07.000 By himself?

02:29:08.000 Yeah, he had some hit solo.

02:29:14.000 I'm loving these fucking weird not circle cigars.

02:29:18.000 They're good, right?

02:29:19.000 It's hitting my Juul shit.

02:29:21.000 Like, for real.

02:29:22.000 Like, it's hitting it.

02:29:23.000 The shape?

02:29:24.000 Yeah.

02:29:24.000 Yeah, but it's a solid cigar, right?

02:29:26.000 It's a stronger Juul.

02:29:28.000 Yeah.

02:29:29.000 But it's a cigar.

02:29:30.000 Yeah.

02:29:31.000 Like an actual man.

02:29:32.000 Yeah.

02:29:33.000 Like you're actually out here living.

02:29:34.000 Oh yeah.

02:29:34.000 Me and Bill Burr.

02:29:36.000 Bill Burr.

02:29:36.000 Bill Burr smokes a lot of cigars.

02:29:38.000 I know.

02:29:38.000 He's great.

02:29:39.000 So when I drove out here from Los Angeles, one of the podcasts that I really dug deep in that I never listened to, I love Bill, but I never listened to it, is Bill Burr.

02:29:50.000 And man, it is so hilarious.

02:29:51.000 Like, I know his ad reads were always funny, but the fact that he reads, now talk about your personal experiences, like in the ad reads.

02:29:59.000 It's the funniest shit ever.

02:30:02.000 And he's such an angry guy, but he knows he's angry.

02:30:05.000 I love that.

02:30:07.000 We got to see him recently here in Austin, and that was so beautiful to see him.

02:30:12.000 It was an amazing show.

02:30:14.000 He's so funny.

02:30:15.000 That was the first real set I'd seen in a long time.

02:30:18.000 A headliner set in like six months plus.

02:30:22.000 More!

02:30:23.000 More!

02:30:23.000 The whole time the pandemic was going on, I hadn't seen an actual headliner set.

02:30:29.000 That was cool.

02:30:30.000 That was a cool place.

02:30:31.000 You know what's weird is that I live five miles away from this outdoor arena.

02:30:37.000 Don't tell anybody where you live.

02:30:38.000 In Tennessee.

02:30:40.000 Yeah, of course.

02:30:41.000 You already fucked it up.

02:30:42.000 Now they're going to know.

02:30:43.000 They're going to do a scan out from where he was to find you.

02:30:47.000 They're going to knock on your door and show you their dick.

02:30:50.000 Got all these guns and weapons.

02:30:54.000 We got these signs and cameras.

02:30:56.000 That night was cold as fuck, too.

02:30:59.000 Remember that night when we went to see him?

02:31:00.000 Yeah.

02:31:01.000 Oh, my God.

02:31:01.000 And so cold air makes sound travel more.

02:31:05.000 So one night we were coming home from the grocery store.

02:31:07.000 Yeah, it does.

02:31:08.000 Look it up.

02:31:09.000 Dude, five miles away, there's an outdoor arena just like the Bill Burr place.

02:31:14.000 I come home, and I think my neighbor's having a raging party.

02:31:17.000 I go, what the fuck is wrong with him?

02:31:19.000 It's like 10 p.m., you know?

02:31:21.000 Like, what?

02:31:22.000 And I get in the house.

02:31:24.000 I go on, like, Nextdoor.

02:31:26.000 You know what Nextdoor is?

02:31:27.000 I don't know.

02:31:27.000 Probably not.

02:31:28.000 But I go on and I go, and the first thing I see is Deadmau5 having a concert outside at this arena.

02:31:35.000 I'm like, but that's five miles away.

02:31:37.000 So I tweet something like, dude, all my neighbors are, like, freaking out about Deadmau5 playing.

02:31:43.000 He's five miles away.

02:31:45.000 While Deadmau5 is performing, you know, doing, like, the button switching and stuff like that, he finds out that I tweeted that.

02:31:53.000 He messages me, texts me, like, get your ass over here, man.

02:31:57.000 Like, come right now.

02:31:58.000 So I drive down the street.

02:32:00.000 I'm side stage.

02:32:01.000 He pulls me on stage.

02:32:02.000 We're, like, talking while the show is going on.

02:32:05.000 But...

02:32:06.000 One, how amazing is it that he can do that?

02:32:10.000 He has all these people that love what he does, and he's able to send text messages and videos.

02:32:18.000 He checks his Twitter a lot.

02:32:20.000 I know, dude.

02:32:21.000 That dude is on it.

02:32:21.000 Or you just got super lucky.

02:32:24.000 But how crazy is the sound?

02:32:25.000 Five miles away, you could hear it so loud because of the cold air.

02:32:30.000 And I live around...

02:32:31.000 Who's they?

02:32:32.000 Scientists or retards?

02:32:34.000 Science.

02:32:35.000 That's math.

02:32:36.000 Because sound moves faster in warm air than colder air, the wave bends away from the warm air and back towards the ground.

02:32:44.000 Whoa!

02:32:45.000 That's why sound is able to travel further in chilly weather.

02:32:48.000 Brian, I learned something today!

02:32:51.000 Thank you.

02:32:52.000 Dude, but it was so loud, it felt like it was next door to my house.

02:32:56.000 I would have been like, that doesn't make any sense.

02:32:57.000 I know.

02:32:58.000 This kid's an idiot.

02:32:59.000 I know, I know.

02:32:59.000 If my daughter told me that, I'd be like, no, stay in school.

02:33:03.000 Who told you that?

02:33:04.000 One of your stupid fucking friends?

02:33:07.000 But poor Deadmau5, afterwards we hung out, and he's like, yeah, we're getting all these angry people.

02:33:12.000 He's like, but they're miles and miles away.

02:33:15.000 How is that possible?

02:33:18.000 Because they just want to hear hillbilly music.

02:33:23.000 Right.

02:33:23.000 That shit don't carry.

02:33:26.000 It's some damp stuff.

02:33:27.000 It falls right to the ground.

02:33:28.000 It's not hillbilly people here.

02:33:30.000 That's the thing.

02:33:30.000 It's like that weird stereotype that I just reinforced, that's so not true.

02:33:36.000 That's the weirdest thing about Austin.

02:33:38.000 It's like, these people are fucking cool.

02:33:39.000 They're pretty progressive and pretty open-minded.

02:33:43.000 They're just packing.

02:33:45.000 Yeah.

02:33:45.000 It's weird.

02:33:46.000 I love it.

02:33:47.000 It's a good place, man.

02:33:49.000 You know our buddy PDC, by the way?

02:33:50.000 Sure.

02:33:50.000 He posted this photo.

02:33:52.000 And it's him.

02:33:53.000 He lives in Oklahoma now.

02:33:55.000 And him in line at the grocery store.

02:33:57.000 And I guess you're allowed to carry in Oklahoma.

02:33:59.000 Of course it's Oklahoma.

02:34:00.000 But he's waiting in line.

02:34:02.000 And the person in front of me has a holster with the gun pointing out the side.

02:34:07.000 But the barrel is pointing right at him.

02:34:09.000 And you just see a photo of his two hands.

02:34:11.000 And he's like, I'm just trying to get paper towels.

02:34:13.000 There's a gun pointed at me.

02:34:16.000 Bro.

02:34:19.000 Weed's legal in Oklahoma, right?

02:34:21.000 Is weed legal in Oklahoma?

02:34:23.000 Yeah, it just became legal, yeah.

02:34:25.000 It's opening up.

02:34:26.000 Texas.

02:34:27.000 If Oklahoma gots it, what do you think, Texas?

02:34:30.000 Not much time before it jumps in there.

02:34:32.000 They need it.

02:34:32.000 They're going to need it once all these California people move here.

02:34:36.000 It's already happened.

02:34:37.000 You know, I... Can't put everybody in jail.

02:34:39.000 So John Heffron, God bless John Heffron, he told me...

02:34:43.000 That should be the name of your first comedy special.

02:34:44.000 That's my first album.

02:34:46.000 God bless John Heffron.

02:34:50.000 So he told me the biggest thing he learned from moving is to sell everything or get rid of everything, throw it away, donate it or whatever, and rebuy it.

02:34:58.000 It's not worth taking some bullshit Ikea shit and paying for that storage.

02:35:02.000 And trust me, that was the best thing ever that happened to me.

02:35:05.000 But the bad thing is I have to rebuy everything, like a couch, if I need a nightstand.

02:35:10.000 But the good thing is you start from scratch.

02:35:12.000 Yeah.

02:35:13.000 You can think about what you actually need and want.

02:35:15.000 But it empties you.

02:35:16.000 But the bad thing is that all these furniture stores, everyone's moving here to Austin.

02:35:23.000 There's nothing there.

02:35:23.000 There's nothing.

02:35:24.000 They're like, we have a three-month wait.

02:35:26.000 I'm like, you're called Rooms to Go.

02:35:28.000 Like...

02:35:30.000 You're supposed to be able to go with a room.

02:35:33.000 It's in your name.

02:35:34.000 But do you know how crazy it's been to people that live here to see this place explode the way it's exploded?

02:35:39.000 Yeah.

02:35:39.000 I don't think it's...

02:35:40.000 You know, in L.A., where we lived before, people were always moving there.

02:35:44.000 They would come, they would go.

02:35:45.000 There was always someone coming and going.

02:35:47.000 But this place is just all coming, and no one's going.

02:35:50.000 Right.

02:35:50.000 It's...

02:35:51.000 I hate talking about it, man.

02:35:53.000 I know.

02:35:53.000 Because I know that people know already, and I don't want more people moving here, but...

02:35:57.000 The place is the shit.

02:35:59.000 It's fine.

02:36:00.000 Texas really hates us, too.

02:36:01.000 They don't hate us.

02:36:02.000 I mean, there's a lot of Texas people.

02:36:03.000 I'm friends with a lot of Texas people.

02:36:05.000 I'm friends with the governor.

02:36:06.000 We just gotta figure out the right way to vote.

02:36:08.000 Just keep things the same.

02:36:10.000 Yeah, we can't bring our blue shit to this state.

02:36:12.000 Exactly.

02:36:13.000 I agree with that.

02:36:13.000 This is what we need.

02:36:14.000 We need...

02:36:16.000 Look, we need compassionate Republicans.

02:36:19.000 That's what we need.

02:36:20.000 We need open-minded, compassionate people that understand business.

02:36:23.000 So those two things can coexist.

02:36:25.000 They can coexist, man.

02:36:27.000 But that's not been the case when you look at the Democrats and the Republicans.

02:36:31.000 It's always been like the Democrats, especially lately, have this extraordinary trust in the government to take care of things.

02:36:39.000 And the Republicans have been more like, let's let people open their businesses and make their own decisions for themselves and carry guns.

02:36:47.000 And that's why this place is the shit.

02:36:50.000 Because it's a weird mix.

02:36:52.000 It's the most unusual mix of progressive people and also red state folks.

02:36:58.000 It's a good friendly mix, man.

02:37:02.000 A friend of mine called me up the day of the election when Joe Biden won.

02:37:09.000 And he's like, what is it like there in Texas?

02:37:11.000 I go, dude, I'm in Austin.

02:37:13.000 It's not just Texas.

02:37:15.000 It's Austin, Texas.

02:37:16.000 People are honking their horns and waving their hands up in the air.

02:37:19.000 They're all happy.

02:37:20.000 Fucking dummies.

02:37:21.000 But it's not the best thing in the world that that guy won.

02:37:26.000 It's not the worst thing, but they were pumped.

02:37:28.000 They wanted it to be so.

02:37:31.000 Right.

02:37:33.000 Silly people.

02:37:35.000 I'm lucky my neighborhood that I moved into is all military and police officers.

02:37:40.000 Of course!

02:37:41.000 I know where you live.

02:37:42.000 And they all have come to me to introduce themselves with their family.

02:37:47.000 Isn't that crazy?

02:37:48.000 That doesn't happen in Los Angeles.

02:37:50.000 The guy next to me growing up, he was fencing in his backyard.

02:37:53.000 He would hide.

02:37:54.000 He would throw smoke bombs down.

02:37:56.000 You know what I mean?

02:37:58.000 He was fencing?

02:37:59.000 Yeah, he was fencing.

02:38:00.000 He's actually a wrestler.

02:38:03.000 A wrestler sometimes?

02:38:04.000 Like a WWE person.

02:38:06.000 Oh.

02:38:07.000 Oh, that's right.

02:38:09.000 But what's weird is that it's so different in Los Angeles where it's like, fuck thy neighbor, to now it's like, oh yeah, this is normal life.

02:38:19.000 The neighbors are introducing their family like, we're going to live across the street from now.

02:38:24.000 I think people here were just pumped to get rid of Trump so they could get rid of the division and all the chaos.

02:38:29.000 I don't necessarily think that they really believe that when Biden won that it was going to be better, but they were just happy to get rid of Trump.

02:38:38.000 My concern is what happens when Biden checks out.

02:38:43.000 Unless they got some new shit, some Captain America stuff that I don't know about, they're going to shoot him up with it.

02:38:48.000 Bernie 101, dude.

02:38:50.000 I mean, Bernie's gonna run next round and he's gonna win.

02:38:53.000 No, he's not.

02:38:53.000 Yeah, he is.

02:38:54.000 He's so old.

02:38:55.000 No, he's not.

02:38:56.000 Did you see that photo, man?

02:38:57.000 He's number one on TikTok.

02:38:59.000 He can do that thing with his legs.

02:39:01.000 He can cross his legs over.

02:39:02.000 Have you seen the one where he's the dude with the big dick sitting by the bed?

02:39:07.000 This one with him choking Conor McGregor.

02:39:08.000 Oh, that's my favorite.

02:39:09.000 That's my favorite one.

02:39:10.000 Yeah, the choking one.

02:39:12.000 And the Sharon Stone vagina one.

02:39:14.000 Yes!

02:39:14.000 Someone posted something that I think is a really astute comment.

02:39:18.000 They said that the Bernie memes show that the internet has recovered.

02:39:22.000 Yeah.

02:39:23.000 Yeah, because now we're all about fun and not about Trump.

02:39:27.000 That's the benefit of having Trump out of office, because people didn't trust him.

02:39:30.000 He's got the nuclear football.

02:39:31.000 He's crazy.

02:39:32.000 His hair's glued on.

02:39:33.000 No one knew what the fuck was going on, right?

02:39:35.000 They were worried.

02:39:36.000 They were worried.

02:39:36.000 And then with the attack on Capitol Hill, they're like, I fucking told you!

02:39:39.000 This isn't a smart move.

02:39:41.000 This isn't wise.

02:39:42.000 This isn't the way to do it.

02:39:44.000 All of it was crazy.

02:39:46.000 Hamster Dance is going to make a comeback.

02:39:47.000 Did you hear about that?

02:39:48.000 He made these, he sold them, and he gave all the money away to charity.

02:39:51.000 He's beautiful.

02:39:52.000 Good man.

02:39:52.000 Good for him, man.

02:39:53.000 I fucking love Bernie, dude.

02:39:54.000 I love him too, man.

02:39:55.000 I just wish when I said that I really liked him and I'd probably vote for him that people didn't go through my act and pull out a bunch of shit out of context.

02:40:03.000 And make him look like he made a terrible decision.

02:40:06.000 That's the future of everything, right?

02:40:07.000 Well, it's clickbait bullshit, but it's also...

02:40:10.000 That's the sport.

02:40:11.000 The sport is find what people have said that's fucked up, not what they actually stand for.

02:40:16.000 You know, it's, um...

02:40:19.000 It's easy.

02:40:19.000 It's easy to do.

02:40:20.000 And it's easy to do if you want your person to win.

02:40:23.000 And it's easy to do if you don't necessarily represent people, but rather represent the special interests of one party or another.

02:40:30.000 And that party did not want that guy to be at the head.

02:40:34.000 And they didn't want Tulsi Gabbard to be at the head.

02:40:36.000 And they didn't want Andrew Yang to be at the head.

02:40:38.000 And those are the three people I was interested in.

02:40:40.000 Tulsi, number one, but I didn't necessarily think that that would...

02:40:43.000 I felt like Bernie was the best shot.

02:40:47.000 I'm like, that one might work.

02:40:49.000 Because it's so polar opposite of Trump, and he doesn't give a fuck, and it's hard to attack him.

02:40:55.000 He's been the same guy forever.

02:40:56.000 And who knows what would happen if he implemented a lot of the things that he wanted to do?

02:41:01.000 Who knows what would happen if they absolved student loans?

02:41:04.000 Who knows what would happen if all those people would be free to just start businesses and then give them that with tax breaks?

02:41:12.000 What about a little bit of both?

02:41:13.000 What about giving them less taxes, less government?

02:41:17.000 Less regulation.

02:41:18.000 But also, like, help people out.

02:41:21.000 We gotta figure out what the fuck to do with the worst neighborhoods in this country.

02:41:24.000 It's been going on for too long.

02:41:26.000 Invest a bunch of money.

02:41:28.000 They invested all this money into coronavirus relief and all this money into...

02:41:34.000 They gave money to other countries during COVID relief, right?

02:41:37.000 That was part of the bill.

02:41:38.000 What What about these cities?

02:41:40.000 What about these fucked up cities that have been there forever?

02:41:42.000 That have been fucked since slavery and fucked since Jim Crow.

02:41:46.000 We don't do shit about them.

02:41:47.000 Fucked since redlining.

02:41:49.000 We just leave them alone and we give all the money to Coca-Cola or whoever the fuck.

02:41:54.000 Whoever lost business?

02:41:55.000 They should have better parent law where they give you a little extra boost.

02:41:58.000 Dude, we just got to take money out of politics.

02:42:01.000 And that's a silly thing, a stoner thing to say, a thing that's like so simple to say and so hard to do.

02:42:07.000 But that's what's wrong.

02:42:08.000 It's not that it's bad to make money.

02:42:10.000 It's not that it's bad to, you know, to state your point and to let people choose in terms of who's their candidate.

02:42:17.000 The problem is the money.

02:42:18.000 The money distorts everything.

02:42:20.000 You know, we're one of two countries on the fucking planet Earth that allows drug companies to make commercials.

02:42:28.000 You know?

02:42:29.000 How weird is that?

02:42:30.000 When you see like some list of possible side effects.

02:42:35.000 You know, for something that just calms you down.

02:42:38.000 It includes explosive diarrhea and your legs falling off and your fucking dick shrinking.

02:42:43.000 And you're like, well, at least I won't be anxious.

02:42:45.000 What's the other countries, though?

02:42:47.000 I think it's New Zealand.

02:42:48.000 What if it's the most powerful country?

02:42:49.000 I think it's New Zealand.

02:42:50.000 Oh.

02:42:50.000 Find out, what are the two companies that allow drug companies to write commercials?

02:42:55.000 I believe it's New Zealand and the United States.

02:42:57.000 And New Zealand gets...

02:42:58.000 Is it?

02:42:59.000 Wait, Mexico doesn't allow it?

02:43:01.000 I don't believe that, though.

02:43:02.000 Like a steel trap, son.

02:43:03.000 I don't believe that, though.

02:43:04.000 Mexico doesn't allow it?

02:43:06.000 We allow underage prostitution and illegal drugs that we know, and gangs, and police.

02:43:11.000 But you know what?

02:43:12.000 Those drug commercials just better cut out that shit.

02:43:15.000 Because the drug commercials cut into the cocaine and fentanyl sales.

02:43:22.000 That's so true!

02:43:23.000 Mexico doesn't allow drug commercials.

02:43:25.000 And then look at the United States like, you fucking savages.

02:43:28.000 Yeah.

02:43:30.000 Guatemala's like, what are you doing?

02:43:33.000 Nicaragua's like, are you bitches crazy?

02:43:36.000 Colombia's like, do you not learn from your history?

02:43:43.000 That's so weird.

02:43:45.000 That's bullshit weird.

02:43:46.000 It's so crazy.

02:43:47.000 Zimbabwe's like, you can hunt lions, but fuck drug commercials.

02:43:52.000 Zantac does what?

02:43:53.000 No, not in our country.

02:43:55.000 Wait a minute.

02:43:56.000 What are the side effects for keeping your hair?

02:44:01.000 What are the side effects?

02:44:02.000 Yes, that seems like a bullshit article right there.

02:44:05.000 That seems...

02:44:06.000 No, it's true.

02:44:07.000 Can't be real.

02:44:08.000 How are our United States the only one, though?

02:44:11.000 Listen, I would like to say that I know for a fact it's not true, but obviously I've never left this room when I've made these assertions.

02:44:18.000 I've done no real journalism.

02:44:21.000 But it's real.

02:44:22.000 It's the United States and New Zealand are the only two countries that allow drug companies to make commercials for fucking drugs.

02:44:31.000 And they trick you into thinking it's going to fix you.

02:44:33.000 That's what's fucked up about it.

02:44:35.000 Like, look, cults are illegal, right?

02:44:37.000 We know you're not supposed to start a cult.

02:44:39.000 In a lot of countries, at least.

02:44:40.000 We know you're ripping people off your line to them.

02:44:43.000 Because you're manipulating them.

02:44:44.000 You're getting them to think that you're the messiah.

02:44:46.000 If you pretend to be Jesus, we're like, God the fucking shit.

02:44:48.000 You're not Jesus!

02:44:50.000 You're not a psychic.

02:44:51.000 You're not really channeling.

02:44:53.000 Like, that's gross, man.

02:44:54.000 When you hear about people that are like, oh, I'm talking to your mom from beyond the grave.

02:44:59.000 You are not talking to her mom.

02:45:00.000 You know you're not.

02:45:02.000 You're a liar.

02:45:02.000 You're a piece of shit.

02:45:03.000 But that's, you know, why is it okay to these drug companies to sell ads?

02:45:09.000 Your doctor!

02:45:11.000 Your doctor should be incentivized only to take care of you.

02:45:15.000 Your doctor should never experience a jump in profit if they prescribe more drugs.

02:45:21.000 They just shouldn't.

02:45:22.000 We should look at that.

02:45:23.000 We can go, listen, people are so easily influenced by material possessions and goods because we're monkeys.

02:45:30.000 We want to collect bananas.

02:45:31.000 We want to pile.

02:45:32.000 Look at my bananas.

02:45:33.000 Hoo, hoo.

02:45:34.000 And also, if bananas can get you laid, like, look at all those bananas, girls.

02:45:38.000 You're going to try to get more bananas, right?

02:45:40.000 That's what we do.

02:45:41.000 That's what doctors do.

02:45:43.000 My wife's mom was a nurse and she used to tell me that the drug companies used to take them all out to dinner when she was a nurse.

02:45:53.000 So they're all a nurse.

02:45:54.000 They're making a very moderate salary.

02:45:56.000 It's not a lot of money.

02:45:57.000 And they're like, we're going to take you to Del Frisco's and have a nice steak dinner.

02:46:02.000 And you know those drug companies are going to take care of you.

02:46:05.000 Buy whatever you want.

02:46:06.000 You want a drink?

02:46:07.000 You want a margarita?

02:46:08.000 You're like, oh, margarita with my steak would be wonderful right now.

02:46:11.000 And you're, you know, you're like getting by.

02:46:14.000 You're eating ramen sometimes.

02:46:15.000 You got to pay the gas bill.

02:46:16.000 And all of a sudden, this fucking company that sells some anti-anxiety medication that might cause a few suicides here and now, weak-minded people, but for you, it's going to be great.

02:46:26.000 When you're a server, those are the best parties to get.

02:46:29.000 Because you know.

02:46:30.000 You know they're all showing up to take advantage of this thing.

02:46:33.000 You know the person paying doesn't give a fuck.

02:46:36.000 They don't give a fuck.

02:46:38.000 They're trying to spread that love to you, too.

02:46:40.000 Hey, Jamie.

02:46:41.000 How'd you take yourself a 30% tip?

02:46:43.000 Come on back next week.

02:46:43.000 How about that?

02:46:44.000 Unless they had a guaranteed 15% and they were like, yeah, yeah, I got that.

02:46:49.000 Then you jack the bill.

02:46:50.000 Then you start keep drinking.

02:46:51.000 We're going to be back here next week with some butt implant surgeons.

02:46:55.000 We got some ideas.

02:46:57.000 We'll keep the room for you.

02:46:58.000 Yeah.

02:46:59.000 Yeah.

02:46:59.000 We'll save some of the good wine.

02:47:00.000 It's weird, man.

02:47:01.000 It's like I believe in free speech.

02:47:04.000 But I also believe we should have a debate on whether or not you're influencing people to do things that may or may not be good for them or for everybody else.

02:47:13.000 Like, there's a lot of people out there taking medication that maybe they should just go for a walk.

02:47:18.000 Yes.

02:47:19.000 Right?

02:47:20.000 Like, if you just said that to people, it's not that simple!

02:47:24.000 It's not that easy!

02:47:26.000 Right?

02:47:26.000 Makes me wonder though.

02:47:27.000 I've never taken any kind of medication ever in my life.

02:47:31.000 SSRIs or any of that shit?

02:47:32.000 Nothing.

02:47:33.000 I've never taken anything.

02:47:34.000 And I feel like it probably would help me so much a little.

02:47:40.000 That phrase makes me skeptical.

02:47:42.000 It probably helped me so much, a little.

02:47:44.000 I mean, like, because you self-meditate, or medicate, you know?

02:47:49.000 You should.

02:47:50.000 You should always self-meditate, by the way.

02:47:53.000 But, no, you self-medicate when your body feels like it needs to fix something.

02:47:58.000 That's why you start drinking more, you start smoking more, you start doing something.

02:48:01.000 Or have some of this fine tobacco.

02:48:03.000 Or have some of this green tea.

02:48:05.000 Allegedly smuggled in from Afghanistan.

02:48:12.000 Delicious.

02:48:12.000 Kush.

02:48:14.000 It's a good word, right?

02:48:15.000 Kush.

02:48:16.000 Kush is a good word.

02:48:17.000 It is.

02:48:18.000 It's like it makes you feel good, right?

02:48:19.000 Wet.

02:48:20.000 You want some Kush?

02:48:20.000 Who would say no to that?

02:48:22.000 Wet Kush.

02:48:23.000 Yeah, who doesn't want some Kush?

02:48:24.000 Who wants some Kush?

02:48:26.000 Kush?

02:48:27.000 Damp Kush?

02:48:28.000 Nope.

02:48:28.000 Kush makes you feel like you're gonna get a hug.

02:48:32.000 Jamie, you feel left out?

02:48:33.000 Man, I saw something recently about how people would smoke hash back in the 1930s or something like that.

02:48:40.000 They would just take the ball of hash and put it on something and then just sort of like try to breathe in as much of the smoke as they could.

02:48:46.000 I don't know how they figured it out.

02:48:48.000 The first time I ever saw hash, this is a true story, I was with my manager and an agent.

02:48:53.000 And this agent, we were in a hotel room in Montreal.

02:48:57.000 A rookie.

02:48:59.000 Just in the game, kids.

02:49:01.000 I had only been doing stand-up at the time for...

02:49:05.000 Thank you, sir.

02:49:06.000 I'd only been doing stand-up for maybe five years.

02:49:13.000 And I was with my manager, and we were with an agent from a large agency.

02:49:19.000 And we were in his hotel room.

02:49:21.000 And he was like, hey, I like what you're doing.

02:49:23.000 You're a funny fuck.

02:49:25.000 You're really doing great.

02:49:26.000 He goes, you want some hash?

02:49:28.000 And I go, no, I'm good.

02:49:29.000 I was in my 20s.

02:49:30.000 I was a straight edge back then.

02:49:32.000 Mm-hmm.

02:49:32.000 I drank a little bit, but that's it.

02:49:34.000 I didn't fuck with drugs, because drugs are for losers.

02:49:37.000 So he has a thumbtack with a piece of hash on it.

02:49:42.000 He lights the hash on fire, and he has a glass, and he blows on the hash, and he covers it with the glass, and then he gets his face down on the table and lifts up the glass.

02:49:55.000 He goes...

02:49:58.000 Yeah.

02:49:58.000 I saw something like that.

02:49:59.000 And I remember thinking this sad drug addict is going to be my manager or my agent.

02:50:03.000 This is so pathetic.

02:50:05.000 Not my manager.

02:50:06.000 I have one manager.

02:50:06.000 You have the best manager ever.

02:50:08.000 He's the best.

02:50:08.000 And she's the best.

02:50:09.000 And she's the best, yes.

02:50:10.000 They're the best.

02:50:10.000 But they've been with me since I was an open miker.

02:50:14.000 I'm so lucky.

02:50:15.000 You're very lucky.

02:50:16.000 I was just going to say, you're so lucky.

02:50:17.000 What did I do in another life, Brian?

02:50:19.000 Yeah.

02:50:19.000 Tell me.

02:50:19.000 You've known me forever.

02:50:21.000 You'd probably be, you'd have a gym or you'd be a carpenter.

02:50:25.000 Yeah, but there was something I did that was good.

02:50:28.000 Artist.

02:50:29.000 You're an artist.

02:50:29.000 No, I mean, I got lucky.

02:50:32.000 Oh, what did you do?

02:50:33.000 What did I do that let me be so lucky in this life?

02:50:36.000 It's something so small and crazy.

02:50:38.000 You were at a pier once, and you picked up somebody's coat, and that person that you picked up was an alien that's living undercover that we will find out about in a couple years.

02:50:48.000 I don't think that's it.

02:50:50.000 I don't believe in past lives that you've actually done something.

02:50:54.000 You don't?

02:50:54.000 No, not necessarily.

02:50:55.000 Not past lives.

02:50:56.000 Same life, but it's something that...

02:50:58.000 That's Burt.

02:50:59.000 That's Burt.

02:51:00.000 Smoking hash.

02:51:01.000 What year is this?

02:51:03.000 See, it keeps coming around.

02:51:05.000 It keeps coming around again.

02:51:06.000 That's Burt.

02:51:07.000 100%.

02:51:08.000 Scroll up.

02:51:09.000 That's Burt.

02:51:10.000 If it's not Burt, it's Tom Green.

02:51:13.000 Who else could it be?

02:51:14.000 I don't know.

02:51:14.000 It's called The Smoker.

02:51:16.000 That could be Burt.

02:51:17.000 No, it's more Tom Green than Burt.

02:51:18.000 No, yeah.

02:51:19.000 It's definitely Tom Green.

02:51:20.000 Who else?

02:51:21.000 There's someone else.

02:51:22.000 It looks like someone else.

02:51:24.000 Burt makes that face as well.

02:51:25.000 The hair is not Burt, but the face...

02:51:27.000 It was just that, like...

02:51:28.000 Yeah, but there's someone else.

02:51:30.000 Those eyes are different, though.

02:51:31.000 Those eyes are...

02:51:32.000 Yeah, it's somebody else.

02:51:34.000 Rocky Horror Picture Show.

02:51:35.000 Yeah.

02:51:35.000 Tim Curry?

02:51:36.000 Curry?

02:51:37.000 Yeah.

02:51:37.000 Oh, yeah.

02:51:37.000 That's who it is.

02:51:39.000 Let's do the time warp again.

02:51:42.000 It's just a jump to the left.

02:51:45.000 And then a step to the right.

02:51:49.000 My girlfriend worked at this restaurant in Burbank and Tim Curry came in.

02:51:54.000 I didn't know he was still alive.

02:51:55.000 Like, I love Tim Curry, but you haven't heard about him in a long time.

02:51:59.000 And he came in in a wheelchair, and I guess he was very sad.

02:52:02.000 And my girlfriend, like, texted me, like, Tim Curry's here.

02:52:06.000 Do you know him?

02:52:07.000 I'm like, Clue?

02:52:08.000 There's one time that I was disappointed in myself for not being ready for a moment that I didn't expect.

02:52:16.000 I ran into Jonathan Katz.

02:52:20.000 Jonathan Katz from Mr. Katz.

02:52:21.000 Was he shaky?

02:52:22.000 He was in a wheelchair.

02:52:23.000 This is what happened.

02:52:25.000 The first time I ever went on stage ever, Jonathan Katz was the host of the open mic night.

02:52:31.000 And he was like, super friendly to me.

02:52:35.000 He was really nice.

02:52:36.000 I was gonna bail out.

02:52:38.000 I was scared.

02:52:39.000 I just didn't want to do it.

02:52:40.000 I was told when I signed up that I may or may not get on stage.

02:52:46.000 Again, just like the story with my friend Dave with the lady, it's a sketchy picture of images.

02:52:53.000 But I'm pretty sure of the facts.

02:52:55.000 And the facts were, you signed up at Stitches.

02:52:59.000 And there was five minutes for each slot, and there was a certain amount of slots over the night, and he wasn't sure whether or not I could get on.

02:53:08.000 I signed up, and he said to me, I don't know whether or not you'll be able to get up, because there's a few people that haven't showed up.

02:53:15.000 They haven't checked in.

02:53:16.000 He goes, I think I'll probably be able to get you on.

02:53:18.000 So I was like, okay.

02:53:19.000 Okay.

02:53:20.000 Alright, thank you.

02:53:21.000 So I remember being super nervous.

02:53:23.000 Like, so nervous.

02:53:24.000 I couldn't believe how nervous I was.

02:53:26.000 Because I had been...

02:53:27.000 I was still fighting then all the time.

02:53:30.000 Like, I fought like...

02:53:31.000 I don't know how many times.

02:53:32.000 It was...

02:53:33.000 If I had to count them all up, it was more than 80 times over the course of six years.

02:53:39.000 I was fighting all the time.

02:53:40.000 I would think that that would be so scary that getting on stage wouldn't be scary.

02:53:45.000 But it was so much more scary.

02:53:47.000 I was really freaked out because I wasn't prepared.

02:53:50.000 I thought I was mentally strong.

02:53:53.000 I was like, I've done some wild shit.

02:53:55.000 You know, I'm ready.

02:53:56.000 I'm ready to do that.

02:53:56.000 I was so fucking scared.

02:53:58.000 And I was like, I knew I was probably not, I mean, I was probably going to get on, but maybe not going to get on.

02:54:04.000 And I got to the point where I was saying to him, I was going to walk up to Jonathan and I was going to say, it's fine.

02:54:08.000 I'm just going to go.

02:54:11.000 And I was thinking this in my head and he came up to me and he goes, okay, you're on.

02:54:15.000 He goes, you're going to be on tonight.

02:54:16.000 I was like, oh my God.

02:54:18.000 Okay, thank you.

02:54:18.000 I felt like he did me a solid.

02:54:22.000 He slipped me in when the other guy didn't show up.

02:54:24.000 I had to go up now.

02:54:25.000 I felt like super obligated.

02:54:27.000 And I was so nervous.

02:54:28.000 I was so nervous.

02:54:29.000 And I went up and I wasn't good at all by any stretch of the imagination.

02:54:33.000 But I got a couple laughs.

02:54:34.000 I got a couple of ha-has.

02:54:36.000 I was like, ooh.

02:54:37.000 People are like, ah!

02:54:39.000 That's it.

02:54:40.000 Kind of funny, but retarded.

02:54:42.000 I said it three times today.

02:54:43.000 That's a record.

02:54:44.000 I don't mean anybody with a disease.

02:54:47.000 I mean people like me when I was 21. A slowing of growth and progress.

02:54:54.000 But there was a point where I was like, I think I got off stage and I was like, I think I can do this.

02:54:59.000 And I talked to Jonathan afterwards.

02:55:01.000 He was very friendly and very nice.

02:55:03.000 And I remember seeing his set later, like a real set.

02:55:06.000 And be like, wow, how lucky did I get that that guy was the host of the first time I ever went on stage.

02:55:12.000 That's so fortunate.

02:55:13.000 Because he was different than me.

02:55:16.000 And he was really funny and really like kind of dry, slow burn jokes.

02:55:23.000 Like really good writing.

02:55:24.000 Really good jokes.

02:55:26.000 And just a really nice guy.

02:55:28.000 Really smart guy.

02:55:29.000 And then when he had that show, Mr. Katz.

02:55:31.000 Remember that show?

02:55:32.000 I love that show.

02:55:33.000 Animated show?

02:55:34.000 Hell yeah.

02:55:34.000 All jiggly.

02:55:35.000 And then one time I just ran into him in an elevator.

02:55:38.000 It was just so random.

02:55:40.000 I didn't expect to run into him.

02:55:42.000 And I was like, hey man, he was in a wheelchair.

02:55:45.000 I was like, hey man, how are you?

02:55:46.000 You alright?

02:55:47.000 Like, what's going on?

02:55:48.000 And we exchanged platitudes and, you know, it was very nice to talk to him.

02:55:53.000 Great to see him.

02:55:54.000 And he was telling me about he's got some sort of a neurological disorder that, you know, it was easier for him to get around in a wheelchair.

02:56:01.000 I didn't know anything about the voice or the actual Dr. Katz.

02:56:05.000 He was a really good comic.

02:56:06.000 He was a really good comic.

02:56:07.000 So he died.

02:56:08.000 When did he die?

02:56:09.000 No, no.

02:56:09.000 I asked.

02:56:10.000 I don't think he died.

02:56:11.000 No, he's still alive, right?

02:56:12.000 I feel like I follow him now.

02:56:14.000 It's a weird thing when you accidentally say he died.

02:56:17.000 I know you're like, no, no.

02:56:18.000 That was a question mark at the end of it.

02:56:20.000 I don't believe so.

02:56:21.000 I don't believe he has, because I would have heard it.

02:56:23.000 But I ran into him in the elevator.

02:56:26.000 I didn't expect to run into him.

02:56:28.000 I didn't know what to say.

02:56:29.000 I was probably high.

02:56:30.000 And I wish I could tell him, that guy, he really helped me.

02:56:35.000 He was the first guy ever to host an open mic night.

02:56:40.000 I'll never forget it.

02:56:42.000 That one moment is a very important moment in your whole life.

02:56:45.000 You think you could interview him?

02:56:46.000 I would love to.

02:56:47.000 If he's good, if he's cool, if he's healthy.

02:56:50.000 I don't know what's going on with him physically, you know?

02:56:53.000 Right.

02:56:53.000 But if he's healthy, I would love to.

02:56:56.000 Yeah, one of the guys on Kill Tony, Michael Larry, is ALS, and it's so interesting to see.

02:57:02.000 Like, him and my girlfriend's mom, who's dying of this rare blood disease, I'm just like, how can I do a Kickstarter?

02:57:09.000 Can I fix both of these people?

02:57:12.000 You would need super scientists, right?

02:57:15.000 Right.

02:57:16.000 It's just like you see somebody like, you know, like when Trump got the corona immediately, he's fine.

02:57:21.000 I'm good.

02:57:21.000 Yeah, but that's a different thing, man.

02:57:23.000 It's like that's a disease where like they had some experimental...

02:57:28.000 Magic Johnson.

02:57:28.000 But that's a different thing, too.

02:57:32.000 That's the different thing, too.

02:57:33.000 Can I get that magic Johnson juice?

02:57:36.000 It's interesting because that's where the real motivation for fixing these problems that you or I don't have comes from.

02:57:45.000 Our loved ones have to get these problems, whether it's ALS or Parkinson's or whatever it is.

02:57:52.000 When your loved one gets it and then you're like, shit, how do I fix this?

02:57:56.000 How do I help?

02:57:57.000 What can I do?

02:57:58.000 And then you realize, oh my god, I've got to pay scientists.

02:58:01.000 Like, we need scientists.

02:58:02.000 Petri dishes.

02:58:03.000 It's so weird, and it's such an easy, cliche thing to say, because you could say it and be disingenuous, but I'm being serious.

02:58:10.000 Just relax all preconceived notions about this topic.

02:58:15.000 Why do you know who Oscar winners are, but you don't know who Nobel Prize winners are?

02:58:20.000 How weird is that?

02:58:21.000 It's so weird.

02:58:22.000 It's so weird that we know whether or not J-Lo's butt is real, but we don't know...

02:58:27.000 We don't know what Bode's Law is.

02:58:30.000 We don't know about how many planets have been discovered.

02:58:34.000 We don't know about how did CRISPR get invented?

02:58:38.000 Are they really making babies with CRISPR? Are they engineering superhumans right now as we speak?

02:58:44.000 There's so much science going on that really affects the world.

02:58:47.000 And we're so concerned about pop stars or what I think about something.

02:58:53.000 Or what you think about something.

02:58:55.000 Or what fucking new movie with James Bond.

02:58:59.000 When's that bitch coming out?

02:59:00.000 I want to see James Bond win again!

02:59:03.000 I want to see James Bond win.

02:59:05.000 I'm tired of waiting.

02:59:06.000 You need to be James Bond, dude.

02:59:10.000 That's not what I'm saying.

02:59:10.000 He's been dropping his team spot.

02:59:12.000 He wasn't even a team spot.

02:59:14.000 I do not want to be a spy.

02:59:15.000 Yeah, I'm a Roger Moore guy.

02:59:17.000 I do love those movies.

02:59:18.000 Me too.

02:59:19.000 Who was your favorite Bond?

02:59:20.000 Daniel Craig by a mile.

02:59:22.000 Really?

02:59:22.000 By a goddamn country mile.

02:59:24.000 Interesting.

02:59:24.000 The only thing that separates people from my opinion is nostalgia.

02:59:28.000 If you just looked at it objectively, if I said, which one of these motherfuckers really looks like he can kill people?

02:59:34.000 There's one answer.

02:59:36.000 It's Daniel Craig.

02:59:37.000 You don't really think that Timothy Dalton's out there nuking fuckers.

02:59:40.000 No, not Timothy Dalton.

02:59:42.000 Stabbing people.

02:59:43.000 Roger Moore.

02:59:43.000 I'm a Roger Moore guy.

02:59:44.000 Roger Moore is fantastic.

02:59:45.000 But you don't believe that Roger Moore is legitimately out there fucking people up.

02:59:50.000 You don't know.

02:59:50.000 Look, he's got that dead Barbie and Ken doll.

02:59:53.000 Listen to me, bitch.

02:59:54.000 He's a Barbie.

02:59:55.000 You've got two options.

02:59:56.000 You've got Sean Connery.

02:59:58.000 If you're being dishonest...

03:00:00.000 And you want nostalgia.

03:00:01.000 Who doesn't love Sean Connery?

03:00:02.000 I love Sean Connery.

03:00:03.000 But it's just like the difference between going back to the early days of Jim Jeffries being the heavyweight champion of the world versus Mike Tyson.

03:00:14.000 The newer ones are better.

03:00:16.000 You might decide, Jim Jeffries was the old days.

03:00:19.000 John L. Sullivan with his mustache.

03:00:22.000 How long do you think John L. Sullivan would survive with a prime time Mike Tyson?

03:00:27.000 How many seconds?

03:00:28.000 That would be the bet.

03:00:29.000 How many seconds does he live from Mike Tyson just fucking crushes his skull?

03:00:34.000 That's the same thing!

03:00:35.000 That's a robot though.

03:00:36.000 Roger Moore's a robot alien.

03:00:37.000 You got two options if you're being honest.

03:00:40.000 It's not disrespectful for Roger Moore.

03:00:43.000 It's not disrespectful for Tim Dalton.

03:00:45.000 Look at that face!

03:00:46.000 I don't even know who some of these guys are.

03:00:49.000 You got two options.

03:00:50.000 Look at the Pixar one.

03:00:52.000 That's not real.

03:00:53.000 You got Sean Connery, if you're a silly bitch, and you got Daniel Craig, if you're being honest.

03:00:59.000 Sean Connery's a wonderful actor.

03:01:02.000 But if I had a choice, if the two of them are locked in a room, who's going to live?

03:01:07.000 Sean Connery or Daniel Craig?

03:01:08.000 Daniel Craig's going to kill Sean Connery.

03:01:11.000 I'm so sad to announce to everybody that loved that interview where he talked to Barbara Walters about smacking chicks.

03:01:18.000 I disagree.

03:01:18.000 That's Indiana Jones' father.

03:01:20.000 I know!

03:01:22.000 I know!

03:01:23.000 Like, he was great.

03:01:25.000 It was a different time.

03:01:27.000 It was a different time.

03:01:29.000 Daniel Craig looks like he can legitimately kill people.

03:01:31.000 He's the only one.

03:01:33.000 Like, if you asked me if there's a fight to the death between all those guys, one-on-one fight to the death, Daniel Craig, he's gonna win.

03:01:41.000 I'm so sorry.

03:01:43.000 I never got into that guy.

03:01:44.000 He's the only one that seems like a real killer.

03:01:47.000 He's like a tortured guy.

03:01:48.000 It's a good...

03:01:49.000 The problem with...

03:01:50.000 This is the problem.

03:01:51.000 Is that the first one?

03:01:52.000 Or the last one?

03:01:53.000 The most recent one.

03:01:54.000 Here's the problem.

03:01:55.000 Here's the problem.

03:01:58.000 It's almost like if you want to re...

03:02:00.000 If you're a person who just wants to look at this...

03:02:04.000 Objectively.

03:02:05.000 You have to separate yourself from all the other James Bonds.

03:02:08.000 You have to pretend they don't exist.

03:02:09.000 And you have to look at this as an individual occurrence.

03:02:12.000 Like, him as James Bond is a new thing.

03:02:15.000 Let's look at what that is.

03:02:16.000 Well, it really does seem like there's this dude who's not perfect.

03:02:20.000 Like, there was a girl who was, like, threatening him, talking about shooting him in his good knee.

03:02:25.000 Like, she knew which knee was fucked up.

03:02:27.000 Right?

03:02:27.000 He's not perfect.

03:02:28.000 Right.

03:02:29.000 He gets drunk.

03:02:30.000 He's killing people.

03:02:31.000 He's having all these romantic affairs with spies and shit and barely surviving.

03:02:38.000 But as an individual entity, as the James Bond, who's better than him?

03:02:46.000 Who's better?

03:02:48.000 If you really want to be honest, you grew up with Roger Moore, but you knew about Sean Connery.

03:02:53.000 Yeah, but do you think you only like him because he's the most realistic, because it's the most recent?

03:02:57.000 No.

03:02:58.000 No, because he's the best.

03:02:59.000 He's the best.

03:03:00.000 It just gets faker and faker.

03:03:00.000 Listen to me.

03:03:01.000 If he existed, and then if Sean Connery, or no, how about this?

03:03:05.000 This is honest.

03:03:06.000 If he existed, and then Tim Dalton came on after him.

03:03:10.000 Is that Tim Dalton?

03:03:11.000 Yes.

03:03:12.000 Timothy Dalton.

03:03:13.000 Timothy Dalton.

03:03:13.000 If he came on after that guy, it wouldn't work out.

03:03:16.000 It wouldn't work.

03:03:17.000 It was different James Bond back then.

03:03:19.000 When Timothy Dalton was on, he was perfect for it.

03:03:22.000 It was like this kind of campy, fun thing, where the dude dressed real nice.

03:03:26.000 It didn't have to be realistic.

03:03:27.000 He always won.

03:03:28.000 Ooh, smooth spy, ha-ha martini, Bond, James Bond.

03:03:32.000 And everyone was like, yay!

03:03:33.000 We win, right?

03:03:34.000 It was ridiculous.

03:03:35.000 It was like Karate Kid.

03:03:38.000 Right?

03:03:39.000 It's ridiculous.

03:03:40.000 But, if you came to a contest, who seems like a real killer?

03:03:46.000 There's one answer.

03:03:48.000 It's Daniel Craig.

03:03:50.000 That's a real killer.

03:03:51.000 That's a person who kills people.

03:03:52.000 He nailed it.

03:03:53.000 The other people are like, Timothy Dalton's killing people?

03:03:55.000 Are you sure?

03:03:57.000 It sounds like it makes a lot of the stakes matter here.

03:04:02.000 Like how good the movie is.

03:04:04.000 Yes.

03:04:05.000 The action movie.

03:04:05.000 If they made an Austin Powers-y type movie, Jane O' Craig doesn't fit, right?

03:04:10.000 They're starting to slow down and joke and he's not shooting.

03:04:13.000 No, no.

03:04:13.000 He'd be terrible for that.

03:04:14.000 Because Roger Moore was more comedic.

03:04:17.000 Like, remember Roger Moore?

03:04:18.000 They walked onto the set of the fake moon landing?

03:04:20.000 Do you remember that episode?

03:04:22.000 It was one of his movies.

03:04:24.000 They accidentally burst into the set of people faking the moon landing.

03:04:27.000 And Roger Moore...

03:04:29.000 I forget which one it was.

03:04:31.000 Was that Austin Powers?

03:04:32.000 No, dude!

03:04:33.000 I'm telling you, it was hilarious.

03:04:37.000 It was hilarious.

03:04:38.000 What was that one?

03:04:38.000 See, Roger Moore was a different movie.

03:04:40.000 It doesn't mean that those movies weren't great.

03:04:43.000 Because when I was a kid, they were great.

03:04:44.000 What it means is...

03:04:46.000 Roger Moore, man.

03:04:47.000 Yeah.

03:04:47.000 Oh, Diamonds Are Forever, 1971. Diamonds are forever.

03:04:50.000 So that was before they killed the moon landing program.

03:04:54.000 They did it from 69 to, I believe, they did it in 72. So Roger Moore probably was a part of how they killed the moon landing program.

03:05:04.000 Was that Don Knotts?

03:05:05.000 Look at this!

03:05:05.000 Is that Don Knotts as a cop?

03:05:06.000 Look how crazy this is!

03:05:07.000 See, this is like a totally...

03:05:09.000 Oh, see, this is Sean Connery.

03:05:11.000 Oh, it's not even Roger Moore.

03:05:12.000 Oh my god, I'm wrong.

03:05:14.000 I thought it was by this time it was Roger Moore.

03:05:17.000 Yeah, this was that HBO in the early 80s feel.

03:05:20.000 What a handsome bastard he was.

03:05:23.000 He was so handsome.

03:05:24.000 Where is he going in that?

03:05:25.000 What year did...

03:05:27.000 Look at that.

03:05:27.000 The cops are running out there and he's got like a fucking moon rover.

03:05:31.000 He's driving away to get away from the cops.

03:05:33.000 Oh, he's going to drive through the wall.

03:05:35.000 Oh, Jesus.

03:05:36.000 So he's on the fake moon landing set.

03:05:39.000 He escapes.

03:05:40.000 He escapes.

03:05:42.000 Bro, this is crazy.

03:05:44.000 This is crazy.

03:05:45.000 Then there's Don Knotts, right?

03:05:47.000 Wow.

03:05:48.000 Where's Jackie Gleason?

03:05:50.000 I'll tell you, boy.

03:05:51.000 Yeah, Jackie Gleason.

03:05:52.000 Remember Jackie Gleason?

03:05:53.000 Yeah.

03:05:54.000 And fucking Smokey and the Bandit?

03:05:55.000 That was a great clip.

03:05:57.000 Come on, man.

03:05:57.000 That's the thing about Jackie Gleason.

03:05:59.000 He was in Smokey and the Bandit, but he was also in The Hustler, which is an amazing, dramatic movie from...

03:06:06.000 What was that, like 63 or something like that, The Hustler?

03:06:09.000 Jackie Gleason was in that.

03:06:11.000 Oh, I thought it was 70s.

03:06:12.000 No, that was The Color of Money, which was like in the 80s.

03:06:16.000 But The Hustler was in, I think it was 63. 61. 61?

03:06:22.000 Oh my god, so Kennedy was alive.

03:06:25.000 61. And Jackie Gleason was like this world champion pool player.

03:06:31.000 So he went from that serious, dark movie about losers and winners and hustlers and people who sell themselves out.

03:06:40.000 It was an amazing movie, man.

03:06:41.000 Yeah, I was totally thinking of the other movie.

03:06:43.000 Dude, the guy who wrote this is Walter Tevis.

03:06:46.000 It's the same guy who wrote The Queen's Gambit.

03:06:49.000 No shit.

03:06:50.000 Same guy.

03:06:50.000 Yeah.

03:06:51.000 They're both similar in a way.

03:06:53.000 Someone should do a real, legitimate Hustler.

03:06:57.000 A Walter Tevis version of The Hustler, like for Netflix.

03:07:01.000 Ice-T. No, no, no.

03:07:03.000 No, you need that story, that story, with Eddie Felsen, with Fast Eddie Felsen, and with Minnesota Fats, or New York Fats.

03:07:12.000 Minnesota Fats, in that movie, was the original Minnesota Fats.

03:07:17.000 There was a guy named New York Fats that decided that Walter Tevis stole his shit, and so he changed his name to Minnesota Fats.

03:07:24.000 So you know, there was a guy named Minnesota Fats, who was a really, really good pool player, no doubt about it.

03:07:29.000 But he wasn't really Minnesota Fats.

03:07:32.000 He changed his name to be Minnesota Fats so that he would be the same guy in the movie The Hustler.

03:07:37.000 So he became this number one pool player guy.

03:07:39.000 He was just a hustler.

03:07:40.000 And this guy, Willie Moscone, who's like a legitimate, stoic, wear a suit and tie, world champion, straight pool player, he famously played Minnesota Fats in a series of games on ABC Wide World of Sports.

03:07:56.000 They used to have these Wide World of Sports pool matches.

03:07:59.000 I remember the Wide World of Sports.

03:08:00.000 That was the big thing back in the day.

03:08:02.000 But the Minnesota Fats guy was just a...

03:08:04.000 He was a con man who was a good pool player, but conned his way.

03:08:08.000 That's fake.

03:08:09.000 No, it's a pool game.

03:08:11.000 Dude, Minnesota Fats became...

03:08:13.000 Here's the thing.

03:08:13.000 He was a con man, but he was also a really good pool player.

03:08:18.000 Like, world-class pool player.

03:08:19.000 So you couldn't sleep on him.

03:08:21.000 But he was also a bullshit artist.

03:08:22.000 Because his name wasn't Minnesota Fats.

03:08:25.000 He was New York Fats.

03:08:26.000 And the movie came out.

03:08:27.000 He goes, they was doing that movie about me.

03:08:29.000 I'm Minnesota Fats.

03:08:31.000 So he changed his name to Minnesota Fats.

03:08:33.000 Wrote books.

03:08:34.000 Was in movies.

03:08:36.000 And everybody was like, Minnesota Fats.

03:08:37.000 Best pool player on earth.

03:08:39.000 And Willie Moscone was like, he would go crazy.

03:08:42.000 Because he really was the best pool player on earth.

03:08:45.000 Crazy.

03:08:46.000 Crazy.

03:08:46.000 With this guy.

03:08:47.000 Just fucking snuck in.

03:08:49.000 And he's got a game.

03:08:50.000 That's hilarious.

03:08:51.000 Hey, what do you want from me?

03:08:53.000 It's not that he wasn't a great pool player.

03:08:55.000 He was a great pool player.

03:08:56.000 He was like a world championship caliber pool player.

03:09:00.000 But he was also a bit of a hustler and a bullshit artist.

03:09:03.000 So he found an opening where he could just say that that was about me.

03:09:07.000 And then when you watch him play, like, who's going to argue with him?

03:09:10.000 There's like a few guys that could argue with him.

03:09:12.000 He was a really good player.

03:09:14.000 But it wasn't him.

03:09:15.000 It was Jackie Gleason in a Walter Tevis movie.

03:09:17.000 It's like a girl coming up right now pretending she's the chess version of Beth Harmon.

03:09:23.000 She could lie.

03:09:24.000 She could be some hustler from West Virginia.

03:09:27.000 Some girls on pills.

03:09:28.000 Yeah, I've been where I am her.

03:09:30.000 You know, I knew that guy when he wrote that.

03:09:34.000 They wrote that book in like the 1950s.

03:09:37.000 Or he did.

03:09:38.000 Walter Tevis.

03:09:40.000 The Hustler and that book, I think, were in the same time period.

03:09:44.000 I think.

03:09:44.000 I think maybe this one maybe came...

03:09:47.000 The Hustler was like, I think he wrote that in the 50s.

03:09:50.000 59. 59. When did he write Queen's Gambit?

03:09:57.000 What was that really popular chess movie that was like in the 90s?

03:10:01.000 Searching for Bobby Fischer.

03:10:02.000 No, no, no, no.

03:10:03.000 The one that was like white...

03:10:05.000 Oh, shit.

03:10:07.000 83. Action thriller.

03:10:09.000 83?

03:10:09.000 Is that when he wrote it?

03:10:10.000 Oh, really?

03:10:11.000 That much later?

03:10:12.000 Was that the last thing he wrote?

03:10:15.000 No.

03:10:15.000 He wrote The Color of Money, too, right?

03:10:19.000 Yeah, right after the year after that.

03:10:21.000 Oh, after?

03:10:22.000 Oh, really?

03:10:23.000 Really?

03:10:24.000 And when was it a movie?

03:10:25.000 It had to be right after that, right?

03:10:27.000 It was like 86 or something?

03:10:30.000 Film adaptation 86. yeah dude back then when that was that night moves bob seeger no no the movie night moves what is that you never saw night moves oh dude night moves who's in it was awesome it was uh directed by carl and uh carl had christopher lambert in it daniel baldwin tom scurritt diane lane ferdy main blue mackamama Who's Carl?

03:10:59.000 The director has one name?

03:11:01.000 Uh, Carl Schenkel?

03:11:03.000 Oh.

03:11:03.000 Schenkel?

03:11:04.000 I thought he was doing like the Madonna thing.

03:11:06.000 No.

03:11:07.000 I'm Roseanne, bitch.

03:11:10.000 He did Snowpiercer.

03:11:12.000 I don't know.

03:11:13.000 No, he didn't.

03:11:14.000 Sebastian is the only male white comedian to pull off the one name thing in the history of the known universe.

03:11:21.000 Yeah.

03:11:22.000 Who else has done it?

03:11:24.000 White guys?

03:11:25.000 Name me one.

03:11:27.000 Name me a white guy who's pulled off the one name thing.

03:11:30.000 Come on.

03:11:31.000 Earthquake.

03:11:32.000 No, you got Oprah.

03:11:35.000 Right?

03:11:36.000 You got Oprah.

03:11:36.000 Oprah did the one name.

03:11:38.000 Geraldo.

03:11:39.000 He's Cuban.

03:11:40.000 He's Cuban.

03:11:41.000 You were a disrespectful piece of shit.

03:11:45.000 Jerry?

03:11:46.000 Jerry?

03:11:47.000 Oh, I don't think...

03:11:48.000 Seinfeld.

03:11:49.000 There's too many Jerry's.

03:11:49.000 Seinfeld.

03:11:50.000 Seinfeld, yeah.

03:11:51.000 But that's a last name.

03:11:52.000 Oh, you mean first name.

03:11:54.000 No, one name.

03:11:55.000 It's like that's all they go by.

03:11:56.000 Like Sebastian.

03:11:57.000 Who says Sebastian Manisalko?

03:12:00.000 Assholes.

03:12:00.000 True.

03:12:01.000 Assholes.

03:12:02.000 You know Sebastian.

03:12:03.000 Oh, Fabio.

03:12:04.000 Fabio.

03:12:04.000 Good call.

03:12:05.000 Fabio.

03:12:06.000 I got a girl for you.

03:12:08.000 Eliza.

03:12:09.000 Eliza's the most recent one to do it.

03:12:11.000 If you say Eliza, you don't have to say Schlesinger.

03:12:14.000 That's true.

03:12:15.000 Oh, we went to see the comic.

03:12:16.000 Her name was Eliza.

03:12:17.000 I know that bitch.

03:12:18.000 Morrissey.

03:12:19.000 Morrissey.

03:12:20.000 But that's the last name, right?

03:12:22.000 I don't know.

03:12:22.000 I'm digging here.

03:12:23.000 What's his real name?

03:12:25.000 Does he have a first name?

03:12:26.000 Or no?

03:12:27.000 You could change it.

03:12:28.000 Imagine if you could erase your history.

03:12:29.000 Oh, I know.

03:12:30.000 Forget my name.

03:12:32.000 That's not me, man.

03:12:35.000 Hasselhock.

03:12:36.000 Hasselhock.

03:12:37.000 Hasselhock?

03:12:37.000 Hasselback?

03:12:38.000 David?

03:12:40.000 Maybe.

03:12:42.000 Have you ever listened to his music?

03:12:43.000 Hell yeah.

03:12:44.000 I'm a big fan.

03:12:45.000 I got a tattoo.

03:12:49.000 I showed you that.

03:12:54.000 I can't show it on that podcast, but if you guys want to say it again...

03:12:57.000 Yeah, it's illegal.

03:12:57.000 We're in Texas.

03:12:58.000 We're in the Bible Belt.

03:12:59.000 We can't be fucking around with nudity.

03:13:04.000 But he was like a giant pop star in Germany, right?

03:13:07.000 He still is.

03:13:09.000 And they're auctioning his...

03:13:10.000 Is that him?

03:13:11.000 They're auctioning his statue from Spongebob right now.

03:13:15.000 You could buy this for the new studio.

03:13:18.000 What does it say?

03:13:18.000 Q-Stack?

03:13:19.000 This is a newer song.

03:13:21.000 This song came out a month ago.

03:13:22.000 Give me a little bit of this.

03:13:23.000 Come on.

03:13:23.000 Give me a little bit of this.

03:13:38.000 How did he become British?

03:13:39.000 Did he take a course?

03:13:41.000 What happened?

03:13:43.000 That's a filter.

03:13:44.000 You can turn it off for a different country.

03:13:46.000 It's like being a unicorn.

03:13:50.000 This is Alex Jones' ringtone.

03:14:08.000 I think this is a cover song.

03:14:10.000 Is it?

03:14:11.000 From Satan?

03:14:17.000 Here's a legitimate question.

03:14:19.000 If that wasn't the guy from Baywatch, and it was this really cool avant-garde artist, wouldn't you treat that song differently?

03:14:26.000 It says 45 million views.

03:14:28.000 Well, they're all German.

03:14:29.000 German people.

03:14:31.000 Hey!

03:14:33.000 It's Michael Jacksonhoff!

03:14:35.000 He's attacking us with his content.

03:14:38.000 Oh, this is from a movie.

03:14:39.000 Couldn't remember that one.

03:14:40.000 I met that dude.

03:14:41.000 He was on an episode of Fear Factor.

03:14:42.000 He's a very nice guy.

03:14:43.000 David Hasselhoff.

03:14:44.000 He was a really nice guy.

03:14:46.000 Real friendly.

03:14:47.000 Easy to talk to.

03:14:49.000 Google Hasselhoff auction.

03:14:52.000 Spongebob.

03:14:53.000 Dude, seriously.

03:14:54.000 Look how realistic and big this statue of David Hasselhoff is that's up for auction right now.

03:15:00.000 Don't make me buy this.

03:15:02.000 Dude, you have to buy this.

03:15:07.000 That is not realistic.

03:15:08.000 That looks like Screech from Saved by the Bell.

03:15:10.000 It's from Spongebob.

03:15:11.000 If you had that at your backyard party for your kids, come on!

03:15:14.000 I'd have to shoot that with arrows.

03:15:16.000 I'd have to pretend that it's a giant person trying to attack me, crawling on the ground.

03:15:21.000 I'd light that motherfucker up with arrows.

03:15:24.000 It's crazy looking.

03:15:26.000 No, no, no.

03:15:27.000 Look at that!

03:15:27.000 Get that away from me.

03:15:28.000 That is so ridiculous.

03:15:30.000 That doesn't look anything like him.

03:15:31.000 He should fire those people.

03:15:33.000 It's from Spongebob movie.

03:15:35.000 That scene is classic, hilarious.

03:15:39.000 He's had a weird life, right?

03:15:41.000 David Hasselhoff?

03:15:42.000 He's gone from being like this heartthrob on this TV show to being like, just like, it's kind of fun.

03:15:49.000 You know?

03:15:50.000 Like if you're having a movie, it's like good for a comedy.

03:15:52.000 He walks in and he's still kind of good looking, you know?

03:15:55.000 Tall, robust.

03:15:57.000 Comes in, raises eyebrows, say something ridiculous.

03:16:00.000 Makes your movie better.

03:16:02.000 Yeah, it's amazing how it worked for him, but yet other people that do the same shit, it doesn't work for it.

03:16:07.000 It's kind of like the comics that never make it, like the Patch from Days of Our Lives.

03:16:12.000 He was hot and sexy.

03:16:14.000 Patch?

03:16:14.000 Patch and Kayla, he had a patch on Days of Our Lives.

03:16:18.000 I don't know.

03:16:20.000 What's his name?

03:16:21.000 I don't know, man.

03:16:23.000 Jamie can find it.

03:16:24.000 I don't know who you're talking about.

03:16:25.000 Steve Johnson.

03:16:27.000 That's the guy's name, the character.

03:16:28.000 But he's been a heartthrob his whole life, and he's never...

03:16:31.000 You never see him and get like, oh, man, he's...

03:16:34.000 Oh, that guy.

03:16:35.000 Oh, my God, I didn't know this was real.

03:16:37.000 He had a patch?

03:16:38.000 Yeah, dude, he's my favorite.

03:16:39.000 You could never do that today, because you'd be an ableist.

03:16:42.000 He's still the same role.

03:16:44.000 Still has a patch?

03:16:45.000 Still has it.

03:16:46.000 He's still on the show.

03:16:47.000 Really?

03:16:47.000 And he's still a sexy patch guy.

03:16:49.000 Okay, how old is he now?

03:16:51.000 I don't know.

03:16:51.000 I love him so much.

03:16:52.000 Listen, there's something amazing about soap operas.

03:16:56.000 It's 1985. He's still doing it?

03:16:58.000 Yeah.

03:16:58.000 Oh my god.

03:17:00.000 So he's 33 years?

03:17:01.000 He's gone off and on a little bit.

03:17:02.000 You gotta get him on the podcast with a patch.

03:17:04.000 I would love to.

03:17:05.000 I would love to.

03:17:06.000 I'd have him on anytime he wants to come on.

03:17:08.000 Him and Kayla.

03:17:09.000 Listen, you gotta think...

03:17:11.000 Like, Days of Our Lives, like, do you remember when...

03:17:14.000 Here's a weird moment in time.

03:17:16.000 I want to bring everybody back.

03:17:18.000 It's a weird moment in time where General Hospital became one of the biggest shows in the country.

03:17:25.000 It was a daytime soap opera, and there was a drama between Luke and Laura.

03:17:31.000 And this was when I was in high school, and I watched General Hospital.

03:17:36.000 I have never since been really into a sitcom.

03:17:41.000 I mean, not a sitcom.

03:17:43.000 What are they called?

03:17:44.000 What are those things called?

03:17:45.000 Soap opera.

03:17:46.000 Where I would watch it every day.

03:17:48.000 I've never done it since.

03:17:49.000 Never.

03:17:50.000 Me either.

03:17:50.000 I was at Days of Life.

03:17:51.000 Bro, we were glued.

03:17:53.000 Me and my sister and all our friends, we were glued.

03:17:56.000 We needed to know what was going to happen with Luke and Laura.

03:17:59.000 And there was a lot of people like, God, Luke, I don't get it.

03:18:02.000 Like, how the fuck did Luke get Laura?

03:18:03.000 She's so hot.

03:18:05.000 What is it about Luke?

03:18:08.000 He's kind of like an average looking dude.

03:18:10.000 How the fuck is he getting Laura?

03:18:12.000 And it was part of the magic of this.

03:18:14.000 Because a lot of dudes were like, man, if she likes Luke, she'd probably like me.

03:18:18.000 She'd probably like me.

03:18:19.000 Question.

03:18:20.000 What news did you grow up watching more?

03:18:22.000 NBC, ABC, or CBS? That's a good question.

03:18:26.000 I don't know.

03:18:28.000 I'm guessing CBS. Who was the anchors?

03:18:31.000 I don't know.

03:18:32.000 Because it was local.

03:18:34.000 I want to be honest with you.

03:18:35.000 I didn't pay attention to any news at all.

03:18:38.000 No, no.

03:18:39.000 I mean zero.

03:18:40.000 Zero news until I was deep in my 20s.

03:18:44.000 Literally didn't pay attention at all.

03:18:47.000 I was never home.

03:18:48.000 I would go from high school to taekwondo practice.

03:18:51.000 I didn't watch any news.

03:18:52.000 I didn't give a fuck about the news.

03:18:54.000 I was trying to kick people.

03:18:56.000 I was a news junkie even as a baby because it was like, oh, this is like tells me where the tornado warnings are from, you know, like the same channel.

03:19:03.000 Dude, I would have been the dumbest person to talk to about anything going on in the world because I literally didn't know what was happening.

03:19:12.000 I didn't know at all.

03:19:14.000 I would hear, like, oh, Russia wants to kill us.

03:19:15.000 Shit!

03:19:16.000 He's gonna kill us.

03:19:17.000 Shit!

03:19:18.000 I didn't know anything.

03:19:21.000 So.

03:19:23.000 It helped.

03:19:24.000 It helped.

03:19:25.000 I got through a lot of the ideas.

03:19:28.000 Like, people, like, when you're growing up, you can get, you can seek comfort in ideas that other people agree to.

03:19:36.000 Like, you can find a bunch of other people that have similar ideas or ideas you can accept.

03:19:42.000 You can embrace them.

03:19:43.000 Yeah, I see your point.

03:19:44.000 You're like, okay, we're on the same team.

03:19:46.000 You could dive into that, and it's very tempting.

03:19:50.000 It's very tempting.

03:19:52.000 The best thing that happened to me, it's one of the best things that ever happened.

03:19:55.000 At the time, I thought it was the worst thing because I was so lonely.

03:19:58.000 I didn't feel like I fit in with anybody.

03:20:01.000 It didn't make sense at all.

03:20:03.000 All these people, even people that I loved hanging out with, I was like, I got to get out of here.

03:20:09.000 I felt like I was trapped.

03:20:11.000 I felt like I had all these wild ideas that I needed to explore.

03:20:16.000 I'm like, I can't stay here.

03:20:18.000 This is bad.

03:20:19.000 We shouldn't be staying here.

03:20:22.000 And that...

03:20:23.000 Like, those weird moments that you have when you're a kid, like, those are these weird doors you either go through or you don't, you know?

03:20:33.000 Do you ever think back on things that you've done?

03:20:35.000 Like, just weird moments in your life where you have this idea, like, I gotta go that way.

03:20:39.000 You have to go that way.

03:20:41.000 Like, what is that?

03:20:42.000 Is that just your understanding of all the possibilities and...

03:20:46.000 Or is there a fucking added little element?

03:20:50.000 Just a...

03:20:52.000 Just a little bit of fairy breeze that comes your way that says, Brian.

03:20:57.000 Brian, come on.

03:20:59.000 Come with us.

03:21:00.000 Take a chance.

03:21:01.000 You know what you want to do?

03:21:03.000 I think it's teaching.

03:21:04.000 When I was a kid, Choose Your Own Adventure was a thing, and it taught me to either choose A or B, and then I started incorporating that in my life and thinking there was two options instead of a billion options.

03:21:14.000 Explain that to people that don't know what you're talking about.

03:21:16.000 Choose Your Own Adventure was a book that you used to read the first page, and it would be like, hey, and then you get to the cave.

03:21:21.000 Do you want to go in the cave or run away?

03:21:24.000 Be a little bitch!

03:21:28.000 Get the fuck out of there and tell!

03:21:30.000 Billy stayed in the cave and it was filled with hot porn stars and gold.

03:21:37.000 Bobby got eaten by wolves.

03:21:39.000 That made you think that there was just like a couple options.

03:21:43.000 And I think that as a kid, that's just like teaching anything where you learn something and you start growing up like, oh, there's only two options.

03:21:50.000 It's either go to the cops or rob the place or do this or do that.

03:21:55.000 Like violence and evil, you know?

03:21:57.000 Good and bad.

03:21:58.000 Church.

03:21:59.000 Good and bad.

03:22:02.000 But even that becomes bad sometimes.

03:22:06.000 Right?

03:22:07.000 With all these woke fucks looking to get angry at people, what have they done about priests?

03:22:12.000 Where's the outrage?

03:22:15.000 Where's the outrage on pedophile priests?

03:22:17.000 Is there some movement that I'm not aware of, or is it largely ignored?

03:22:22.000 No, Tijuana loves them, man.

03:22:24.000 No, Brian!

03:22:25.000 Stop with the jokes, son of a bitch.

03:22:29.000 I'm trying to make a point.

03:22:30.000 If people really wanted to fix things and get rid of the evil in the world, wouldn't you go after the fucking people that have been accused of fucking kids?

03:22:39.000 Wouldn't that be numero uno on the checklist?

03:22:43.000 How weird is that?

03:22:44.000 It's like one organization that's really well recognized for having a large number of child molesters.

03:22:55.000 Literally imagine if that was like the welders union.

03:23:00.000 I was trying to run it through my head.

03:23:01.000 If they fired them instead of moved them, maybe there would just be no priests anymore after so long.

03:23:07.000 No, there's a lot of priests that have never done anything like that.

03:23:11.000 There's a lot of priests that really believe what they're saying, and maybe they're not very sexual and they don't care about...

03:23:16.000 That's a weird thing, too, is that they make them celibate.

03:23:19.000 But there's a lot of priests that also just rubbed it on the outside, you know what I mean?

03:23:22.000 Like...

03:23:24.000 No!

03:23:25.000 I don't know what you mean, you son of a bitch!

03:23:27.000 They're like, oh no, we did some bad shit.

03:23:30.000 We didn't do that, but we did all that.

03:23:31.000 We weren't the worst.

03:23:32.000 Right, I get it.

03:23:33.000 They wrestle.

03:23:33.000 They're wrestling with kids.

03:23:36.000 Boy Scouts.

03:23:37.000 None of it's good.

03:23:38.000 You know, it's like, you can't tell people they can't express themselves sexually.

03:23:42.000 You just can't.

03:23:44.000 Because if you tell people they have to be celibate but you don't do anything about their hormonal drive, they're going to get confused.

03:23:49.000 They're going to be literally crazed by this need to be touched.

03:23:54.000 It's part of what humans are.

03:23:57.000 And we're just so ashamed of it.

03:23:58.000 It's so weird.

03:23:59.000 We need to be touched.

03:24:01.000 We need to be touched physically, like friends and hugs and stuff like that.

03:24:05.000 And we need sex.

03:24:07.000 It's like nice for people.

03:24:08.000 It feels good.

03:24:09.000 And when you tell people they can't have that, you can't have the one for sure, then they spend a whole...

03:24:14.000 They don't spend much time with the other.

03:24:17.000 Like, if you can't fuck, you don't spend a whole lot of time hugging.

03:24:20.000 It's not like, I know we can't fuck, but can we just spoon?

03:24:23.000 Like, priests aren't spooning chicks.

03:24:26.000 They're not allowed to have sex.

03:24:27.000 They're not allowed to spoon.

03:24:28.000 There's nothing going on.

03:24:30.000 So you have all these needs that your body has because we're engineered to reproduce.

03:24:35.000 We're engineered.

03:24:36.000 It used to be hard to survive.

03:24:38.000 We're soft.

03:24:39.000 We're gooey.

03:24:39.000 We figured out tools, but everything can eat us.

03:24:42.000 So it was always run, hide, get in the cave, start the fire, stab it when it comes in.

03:24:47.000 There was always that.

03:24:50.000 We just forgot.

03:24:53.000 How old were you when you learned that tortilla chips were just a tortilla cut in force?

03:24:59.000 And you used to be like, why are tortilla chips bad for you?

03:25:01.000 And then you realize, holy shit, I just ate 42 tortillas.

03:25:05.000 I'll tell you why.

03:25:07.000 January 25th, 2021. That's when I figured that out.

03:25:10.000 Really?

03:25:11.000 Today, day old?

03:25:12.000 Yeah, today.

03:25:13.000 I didn't know.

03:25:15.000 I found that out recently as an adult.

03:25:17.000 That's kind of weird.

03:25:18.000 I just found out.

03:25:18.000 I just found out right now.

03:25:21.000 I never thought of it twice.

03:25:22.000 I don't eat that shit.

03:25:23.000 Right?

03:25:24.000 I don't eat tortilla soup.

03:25:24.000 That's a lot of tortillas though.

03:25:26.000 No, I want like soft tortillas.

03:25:27.000 I'm not stupid.

03:25:29.000 God.

03:25:30.000 What?

03:25:31.000 I want soft tortillas.

03:25:32.000 I don't want tortilla chips.

03:25:33.000 Yeah.

03:25:34.000 Unless I'm having salsa, I'm not interested in my soup.

03:25:37.000 That just hurts the top of your mouth.

03:25:40.000 Soft tortilla chips are just damp.

03:25:42.000 If you have tortilla soup, right, it just scrapes your mouth.

03:25:47.000 I'm confused.

03:25:48.000 Tortilla soup.

03:25:49.000 I love tortilla soup.

03:25:50.000 It's nonsense.

03:25:51.000 It's a nonsense food.

03:25:54.000 Dude, you haven't had it right.

03:25:55.000 Okay, what about menudo?

03:25:58.000 Have you had real menudo?

03:25:59.000 That's like a sign.

03:26:01.000 Are you real?

03:26:02.000 Have you actually had real Mexican food?

03:26:04.000 Have you had menudo on a Sunday?

03:26:07.000 No.

03:26:07.000 I feel like I have.

03:26:09.000 I bet you're both lying.

03:26:10.000 I said no.

03:26:11.000 Yeah.

03:26:12.000 You're lying too.

03:26:12.000 You have?

03:26:13.000 I dated a Mexican girl.

03:26:14.000 And he's just...

03:26:18.000 I did all that shit for years.

03:26:19.000 There was a place in Boulder, Colorado where you get menudo.

03:26:22.000 It was amazing.

03:26:23.000 It was so good.

03:26:24.000 It's like tripe and liver and all...

03:26:26.000 I don't even know what the ingredients are.

03:26:28.000 And beans.

03:26:29.000 You know what I'm talking about?

03:26:30.000 I remember you talking about this.

03:26:31.000 It's this crazy soup that some Mexican joints will serve and they don't always have it.

03:26:38.000 Do you remember that place that was near us in Woodland Hills?

03:26:41.000 Do you remember that?

03:26:42.000 It was in Woodland Hills.

03:26:43.000 Where was that place, that Mexican joint?

03:26:46.000 Remember it was down, like, it's either down Canoga.

03:26:49.000 Was it down Canoga?

03:26:50.000 No.

03:26:50.000 I know what it's down.

03:26:51.000 DeSoto?

03:26:51.000 The other one.

03:26:52.000 Okay, we won't say it.

03:26:53.000 Too late.

03:26:54.000 Too late.

03:26:54.000 They're gonna get swamped.

03:26:56.000 It was so good.

03:26:57.000 Del Taco, I know.

03:26:58.000 Well, it won't be open right now, but it was so good.

03:27:01.000 It was so good.

03:27:02.000 But it was so small.

03:27:04.000 But you didn't want to ruin it, because you would go there.

03:27:06.000 No one could speak English.

03:27:08.000 You had to say the thing on the wall, point to them, and you give them the money.

03:27:11.000 They barely spoke English.

03:27:12.000 And their food was so legit.

03:27:15.000 What's the name?

03:27:15.000 Shut your mouth, communist!

03:27:17.000 No, they need the shout-out right now.

03:27:18.000 They're probably hurting.

03:27:19.000 They're not open right now.

03:27:21.000 I don't think any restaurants are open.

03:27:23.000 They didn't have an outside.

03:27:25.000 They're probably doing take-out.

03:27:27.000 Absolutely.

03:27:28.000 It's called the Big Burrito.

03:27:29.000 I said it.

03:27:30.000 Big Burrito.

03:27:31.000 All right.

03:27:32.000 It's good, man.

03:27:33.000 It's good.

03:27:34.000 I don't want to ruin it.

03:27:34.000 I don't want a bunch of people like me showing up.

03:27:37.000 You probably just saved their life.

03:27:39.000 Dude, but you would go there and they would have these Spanish soap operas.

03:27:46.000 You know, because we would say, oh, this guy's got a patch on his eye.

03:27:50.000 He's been playing the same character for 33 years.

03:27:52.000 That's ridiculous.

03:27:53.000 And the Spanish would be like, hold my beer.

03:27:58.000 Let me show you.

03:28:00.000 Hold my cerveza.

03:28:01.000 Let me show you some of the most ridiculous plots in the history of soap operas.

03:28:06.000 Right?

03:28:07.000 And even the game shows.

03:28:08.000 The game shows were all voluptuous women in red dresses, like dancing in the background and doing things.

03:28:15.000 How about her?

03:28:15.000 Hey!

03:28:16.000 Hey!

03:28:16.000 And sparkles would go off and shit.

03:28:19.000 They had ridiculous game shows, ridiculous soap operas, super entertaining stuff.

03:28:24.000 You weren't ever an actor in a soap opera once?

03:28:26.000 Nope.

03:28:27.000 You sure?

03:28:27.000 You probably forgot.

03:28:28.000 I missed it.

03:28:29.000 Might have forgot.

03:28:30.000 I don't think I did, though.

03:28:31.000 No, I missed it all.

03:28:32.000 I missed all possibilities of being a soap opera actor.

03:28:36.000 Damn.

03:28:37.000 I would have done it.

03:28:38.000 My friends did it.

03:28:39.000 My friend, uh, Rahsaan, he's, uh, uh, Renato, uh, Hanato La Ranja.

03:28:46.000 It's like a character he plays.

03:28:48.000 He's a Brazilian jujitsu, crazy black belt character that's just trying to fuck everybody.

03:28:52.000 It's a really funny character.

03:28:54.000 I've been friends with Hanato forever.

03:28:57.000 There's a video, an improvised video that people still to this day think is real of Hanato confronting me after training and talking to me about James Brown.

03:29:10.000 Right.

03:29:10.000 Well, yeah, because he's arguing about weed.

03:29:13.000 Yeah, he was talking about weed, right?

03:29:15.000 He wanted to argue, this is like, I have a wallet chain.

03:29:19.000 So it's like five years ago.

03:29:21.000 You guys go on and on and on.

03:29:22.000 Son of a bitch!

03:29:23.000 Oh, it's really long.

03:29:25.000 But he just, it was like this ongoing, like, comedy routine that we did.

03:29:29.000 I was just trying to get dressed, and I'd pretend that I'm just trying to go...

03:29:38.000 I'm putting, see what I'm doing?

03:29:43.000 I'm putting tea tree oil on all my scratches.

03:29:46.000 Get that fungus out of there.

03:29:47.000 Well, when you do jiu-jitsu, you get a lot of nail scratches.

03:29:51.000 So I was putting tea tree oil on my nails.

03:29:53.000 People accidentally scratch you with their nails when they're trying to get out of chokes and stuff.

03:29:58.000 Especially if you have someone's back, they grab your ankles and your heels.

03:30:02.000 It happens all the time.

03:30:03.000 I just use it on my balls, man.

03:30:04.000 A lot of fungus.

03:30:05.000 It's good.

03:30:06.000 It's good.

03:30:06.000 It's tingly.

03:30:07.000 It's smooth.

03:30:08.000 It feels good.

03:30:09.000 It feels like you're alive.

03:30:11.000 What's going on with my balls?

03:30:13.000 As long as you don't get it in your eyes.

03:30:14.000 Yeah.

03:30:16.000 You know?

03:30:18.000 But, uh, what was my point?

03:30:20.000 That he was on a soap opera.

03:30:22.000 Yes.

03:30:23.000 He used to be on a soap opera.

03:30:24.000 I think he was on Days of Our Lives.

03:30:27.000 Oh my god, really?

03:30:28.000 If you got a gig like that, that's one thing, though.

03:30:30.000 If you were in Hollywood and you got that gig, man, you would work for a long-ass time.

03:30:33.000 And they do.

03:30:34.000 Yeah.

03:30:34.000 How long did Luke and Laura stay on the air?

03:30:37.000 They're still there.

03:30:39.000 What?

03:30:39.000 I thought General Hospital, I thought that closed.

03:30:42.000 Hold on!

03:30:43.000 No, I think General Hospital closed a couple years ago, if I remember correctly.

03:30:46.000 No, I was just looking at it.

03:30:49.000 Or it was the other one?

03:30:50.000 Wait a minute.

03:30:51.000 Hold on.

03:30:51.000 Luke and Laura are still real?

03:30:53.000 I was just looking.

03:30:54.000 I mean, I might have jumped and I just said they're still there.

03:30:56.000 But I was looking at it.

03:30:57.000 It said it's a 2015 something was still going on.

03:31:00.000 Yeah, 2015. What about 2018?

03:31:03.000 2021, bro.

03:31:06.000 About 2019. Early 2019. What about that?

03:31:09.000 What about 2016?

03:31:11.000 Anything?

03:31:12.000 Anything?

03:31:13.000 No.

03:31:17.000 That was a weird moment though, wasn't it?

03:31:19.000 Where like that soap opera became national media.

03:31:25.000 What happened?

03:31:26.000 What is that?

03:31:28.000 Can you see who it is?

03:31:28.000 No.

03:31:29.000 Tim Dillon.

03:31:30.000 Oh, don't answer it.

03:31:32.000 He wants to talk about that lady he made fun of in his video.

03:31:36.000 My god, get the David Hasselhoff statue, I'll buy it from you.

03:31:42.000 What was I just saying to you?

03:31:46.000 Distracted.

03:31:49.000 This has been a disaster of a podcast.

03:31:52.000 It's so much fun.

03:31:54.000 So much fun.

03:31:55.000 Definitely.

03:31:55.000 It's almost 5 o'clock, believe it or not.

03:31:58.000 Shit, I gotta get the fuck home and grab some shit and go back.

03:32:01.000 That's what I'm saying, dog.

03:32:02.000 That's what I'm saying.

03:32:04.000 We'll get you a ride.

03:32:06.000 You're not driving.

03:32:07.000 Cool.

03:32:07.000 I'm gonna bring a helicopter for you.

03:32:11.000 Actually, I got my driver here.

03:32:12.000 Short rounds here.

03:32:13.000 Short round?

03:32:14.000 Yeah.

03:32:20.000 Is that the person in Indiana Jones?

03:32:23.000 Yeah, I have my girlfriend dressed up like...

03:32:25.000 His name is Short Round?

03:32:25.000 Yeah, I have my girlfriend dress up like Short Round all the time.

03:32:28.000 It's awesome.

03:32:28.000 That's what that's from.

03:32:29.000 Such a good fetish.

03:32:31.000 It is so awesome.

03:32:33.000 I'm like, feels like we're stepping on fortune cookies.

03:32:35.000 Those are fortune cookies!

03:32:36.000 It's awesome.

03:32:40.000 So tell everybody what is going on at Anton's and how often it's going on.

03:32:45.000 Oh yeah, Anton's.

03:32:46.000 It's going to start up the second week of February.

03:32:48.000 We've already been doing it once a week, but every Thursday we have a secret show, which is great for comics that are in town that want to try out some material off the lineup, you know?

03:32:57.000 Like, hey, you know, I want to do a quick 10, quick 15. It's great that we have a lot of local comics and everybody, and then Kill Tony every Monday.

03:33:07.000 At Antone's.

03:33:08.000 I'm sorry.

03:33:08.000 I was talking about secret shows.

03:33:10.000 Yeah, Vulcan.

03:33:12.000 So, Vulcan and Antone's.

03:33:13.000 Yes.

03:33:14.000 Antone's on Monday for Kill Tony.

03:33:16.000 Yeah, Vulcan Thursdays in February.

03:33:18.000 It's going to start up.

03:33:19.000 Thursdays in February.

03:33:20.000 And Vulcan was the first place I went on stage after a long time.

03:33:24.000 Yeah.

03:33:24.000 It was like July until Tony did a show at Vulcan.

03:33:28.000 It's a good spot.

03:33:28.000 It's a nice little spot, man.

03:33:29.000 It's fun.

03:33:30.000 There's a lot of comedy going on there, too, right?

03:33:32.000 There's a lot of comedy in Austin, which is like every night out here, which is great.

03:33:37.000 You feel like comedy is still alive out here.

03:33:39.000 And that's what's amazing about the city is that for comedians, it really is.

03:33:43.000 Like, hey, you get to feel that stage time, which I think a lot of us are going crazy about.

03:33:49.000 There's a thing about Austin, too.

03:33:51.000 And this is what I think is going to be really good for us.

03:33:53.000 Like, legitimately.

03:33:55.000 Not just because...

03:33:55.000 I'm not saying this just because I'm here.

03:33:57.000 But I've always thought this about Austin.

03:33:59.000 Austin has this artistic integrity to it.

03:34:02.000 There's a lot of music that's created here in Austin.

03:34:06.000 I mean, it's the place where Stevie Ray Vaughan became huge.

03:34:09.000 Stevie Ray Vaughan actually used to play at Stubbs for food.

03:34:14.000 The place where Chappelle and I have been doing shows.

03:34:16.000 Stevie Ray Vaughan used to play there for food.

03:34:19.000 Yeah, there's pictures of these cool motherfuckers on the wall back there.

03:34:21.000 Is he like...

03:34:26.000 Yeah.

03:34:27.000 Probably exactly like that.

03:34:29.000 They would pay him with food.

03:34:31.000 I mean, that was like, you know, that was the folklore.

03:34:34.000 I don't even really know if it's true, but it's a great story that early in his career they paid him with food.

03:34:39.000 But it's just, this place is filled with, like, small bars and small restaurants and, you know, places like Anton's where you can see, like, Real music.

03:34:54.000 You can see people just doing their art form.

03:34:58.000 And yeah, some people get famous out of here.

03:35:00.000 There's definitely people that get famous out of here.

03:35:01.000 But that's not entirely the point.

03:35:04.000 There's a culture of art here.

03:35:07.000 Whether it's with actual painting and drawing or whether it's with music or food.

03:35:14.000 This is a cool place.

03:35:17.000 It's good for us.

03:35:18.000 Because I think there was something that was going on in LA that was not necessarily...

03:35:23.000 It wasn't terrible because it made people money.

03:35:27.000 But it wasn't the best for the actual art form of stand-up.

03:35:30.000 And that was being connected to Hollywood money.

03:35:34.000 Because two things happened.

03:35:35.000 One, you want to work.

03:35:37.000 And so you sort of start bending your ideals to what people like, how they react to, what they react to positively.

03:35:44.000 And then...

03:35:46.000 You don't take as many chances because you're really worried about not being able to get a role on a television show or in a movie or you worry about saying something crazy like, that bit's funny but I can't do it.

03:35:57.000 I can't do it.

03:35:58.000 Like that kind of stuff fucks us.

03:36:00.000 Like and guys do that and they sort of become some different thing and then they get famous and then they're stuck in this like different thing category and then they maybe get a divorce and they're a little bit bitter but they have to hide it.

03:36:11.000 You know, like they want to come out but this is their spot.

03:36:14.000 This is their spot.

03:36:15.000 This is a spot that keeps generating income.

03:36:17.000 And it's a weird thing that happens when you're connected to Hollywood.

03:36:20.000 But if you're in a place where comedy is just comedy, like we all agree, you say something ridiculous, I know it's not true.

03:36:28.000 It's fucking, it's just, is it funny or is it not?

03:36:31.000 Right.

03:36:34.000 There's little RPMs that you can tap into.

03:36:37.000 There's little things you can say that make everybody feel better.

03:36:40.000 How do you get to those?

03:36:41.000 How do you get to those?

03:36:42.000 You don't get to those worrying about whether or not NBC is going to hire you.

03:36:45.000 You get to those in a community where there's nobody but comedy.

03:36:50.000 There's nobody but us.

03:36:51.000 We've never had that before.

03:36:53.000 That's what we can have here.

03:36:55.000 That's what we can have here.

03:36:57.000 We can have this here.

03:36:58.000 We don't need all the executive type characters and all these interferons.

03:37:03.000 No, no, no.

03:37:03.000 We need podcasts and shows.

03:37:07.000 That's it.

03:37:08.000 We're good.

03:37:09.000 Just as long as you only have podcasts and shows.

03:37:12.000 Then everybody knows what's up.

03:37:14.000 Everybody knows what they're going to go see.

03:37:16.000 Everybody knows what they're doing.

03:37:18.000 Everybody knows you say something ridiculous.

03:37:19.000 You don't mean it.

03:37:20.000 It's just you're trying to hit that spot.

03:37:21.000 Trying to say that thing where people go, Bah!

03:37:25.000 Some ridiculous shit like we do on podcasts.

03:37:29.000 We've never had that before.

03:37:30.000 We've always been connected at the tit.

03:37:32.000 We've been brainwashed.

03:37:34.000 It's part of that.

03:37:35.000 Some comics...

03:37:36.000 I got in a deep philosophical discussion of stand-up very early on when I was unqualified, and I didn't really have the right fucking ways of describing the way I felt about things.

03:37:47.000 But they were talking about being clean.

03:37:50.000 In the 80s especially, you have to do clean comedy.

03:37:55.000 And if you weren't doing clean comedy, people would say, hey, you're ruining your career with these dirty jokes.

03:38:02.000 You've got to do clean comedy.

03:38:04.000 I'll never forget that.

03:38:05.000 And I remember thinking, why is it so good to only say the things that you know that can be on censored television?

03:38:15.000 Well, only because that's where the money is.

03:38:17.000 It's clear.

03:38:18.000 We all agree.

03:38:19.000 There were certain people, even in the early, early days of stand-up, when nobody knew...

03:38:24.000 There was a lot of these legendary, dirty comics that would be in these places, and we would all go to see them.

03:38:32.000 There was a bunch of them.

03:38:33.000 There was a bunch of these guys that were like, They were like local legends, you know?

03:38:39.000 There were people that you would hear about, and people would go to go see them.

03:38:46.000 They've always been the case.

03:38:47.000 But they couldn't get on television, because television was selling ads.

03:38:51.000 That's it.

03:38:52.000 But the comics would always go see them.

03:38:54.000 Like, if you knew good comedy, or you loved comedy, you would go, okay, okay, okay.

03:38:59.000 Who's pushing it the hardest?

03:39:00.000 Who's going the furthest?

03:39:02.000 If you're a real comic, you're like, I'm gonna go see that guy.

03:39:05.000 He's at this place.

03:39:05.000 I'm gonna go see her.

03:39:07.000 She's over here.

03:39:08.000 You would go see someone who's, like, really fucking going for it.

03:39:11.000 Really going for it.

03:39:13.000 But we were all, in a way, we were all, like, weighted down by Hollywood.

03:39:20.000 We don't need to be.

03:39:22.000 It's not necessary.

03:39:23.000 And that's one of the reasons why I wanted to move here.

03:39:26.000 100%.

03:39:26.000 It's getting more obvious, too.

03:39:29.000 By the week.

03:39:30.000 Yeah.

03:39:32.000 It's not even their fault, man.

03:39:34.000 That's what they do.

03:39:36.000 Whether they're Comedy Central or any place, it's not their fault.

03:39:41.000 They're trying to make money.

03:39:42.000 They're trying to sell ads.

03:39:44.000 They've got to calm everybody down.

03:39:45.000 Like, hey, you can't say that word.

03:39:47.000 You can't do this.

03:39:48.000 That sketch is too offensive.

03:39:50.000 We can't get an ad.

03:39:52.000 I get it.

03:39:53.000 I get what they're trying to do.

03:39:56.000 People are like, well, if you're funny, you can be funny clean, too.

03:39:59.000 Sure you can, but what's the point?

03:40:01.000 What is the point?

03:40:03.000 Why are we removing subjects?

03:40:06.000 If you really want to know what people think, why are we adhering to any form of censorship in terms of saying the word fuck or whatever word you want to say?

03:40:16.000 What are we doing with words?

03:40:18.000 Aren't we supposed to be conveying intent?

03:40:21.000 Shouldn't we have the richest...

03:40:24.000 Arsenal to draw from.

03:40:25.000 Shouldn't we have all the fun words and just know how to use them correctly?

03:40:30.000 And how to recognize that someone's using them incorrectly?

03:40:34.000 Wouldn't it be better for everybody if we just accept all the words?

03:40:37.000 How come you can accept it when you're a 35-year-old at a party with your friends?

03:40:42.000 And you can't accept it if you're watching NBC? What is that?

03:40:46.000 That's ridiculous.

03:40:48.000 Right, Jimmy?

03:40:51.000 Do you agree with what I'm saying?

03:40:52.000 Yes.

03:40:53.000 So why is it still going on?

03:40:55.000 Tell me.

03:40:56.000 You're a logical person.

03:41:00.000 It's not for popularity.

03:41:03.000 I mean, it's not for the old regime.

03:41:06.000 Why is it still going on in media?

03:41:08.000 Why are there still rules in NBC, ABC, CBS? I feel like that's different, though.

03:41:12.000 There's tiers of media.

03:41:14.000 There's different blocks.

03:41:15.000 If you want to be in that block, you've got to play by their rules.

03:41:17.000 But that block doesn't mean as much as it used to.

03:41:21.000 But how weird is it that that block is still there?

03:41:23.000 To start back at the show, that girl that you're bringing up your daughter watches 25 million views, she has 5 million Instagram followers.

03:41:29.000 I've never heard of her before today.

03:41:30.000 Well, you need to watch it.

03:41:31.000 I'm just saying, but no one's stopping her from doing anything.

03:41:35.000 Oh, no.

03:41:36.000 Listen, no, no.

03:41:37.000 That's not what I'm saying at all.

03:41:38.000 I don't think that.

03:41:39.000 I'm just thinking it's fascinating.

03:41:42.000 That's not what I'm saying.

03:41:43.000 At all.

03:41:44.000 What I'm saying is it's just fascinating that these CBS, NBC, ABC shows still have this FCC guidelines thing.

03:41:50.000 Oh, true.

03:41:51.000 That's what I'm saying.

03:41:51.000 I think it's all about you.

03:41:52.000 I got you.

03:41:53.000 But it's just bizarre.

03:41:55.000 It's because we all talk a certain way.

03:41:57.000 I mean, occasionally you swear.

03:41:58.000 You shouldn't do it all the time.

03:42:00.000 But if you're doing something that's supposed to be entertaining, when are you allowed to swear around your kids?

03:42:05.000 When is it okay?

03:42:07.000 When they're 30?

03:42:08.000 Like, when do you say, what's wrong with the gardener?

03:42:10.000 He's a fucking asshole.

03:42:11.000 That guy, he always keeps the water on.

03:42:14.000 He fucking runs over the grass.

03:42:15.000 He's always drunk.

03:42:16.000 He's an asshole.

03:42:18.000 They're still using really old technology, though, but that's still, it's more broadly accessible.

03:42:25.000 Regulated.

03:42:26.000 But it's more accessible, too.

03:42:27.000 That's part of the reason why.

03:42:29.000 Yeah, but come on, man.

03:42:30.000 Everybody has a smartphone now.

03:42:31.000 Kids are, like, fucking 12 years old.

03:42:33.000 They got iPhones.

03:42:34.000 They have the whole world at their hands.

03:42:36.000 This idea that somehow or another we need to protect people by censoring ABC, NBC, and CBS. If I was those people, I'd be pissed.

03:42:43.000 Because I'd be like, hey, you need to let this go.

03:42:46.000 We're trying to compete with YouTube, you fucks.

03:42:49.000 Are you trying to end TV forever?

03:42:51.000 I don't think they view it that way.

03:42:53.000 Because the last couple of years they've allowed YouTube to advertise on their biggest broadcast of the year.

03:43:00.000 Like with the sporting events that are being watched by everyone.

03:43:02.000 Oh, well, I get that.

03:43:04.000 They have an advantage with that.

03:43:07.000 Currently.

03:43:07.000 Like they have contracts with live sporting events.

03:43:10.000 That's kind of like the only reason why television really makes sense.

03:43:14.000 Because if you really wanted me to wait till Thursday...

03:43:16.000 It's the Thursday, 9pm.

03:43:19.000 That's when the show's on.

03:43:20.000 Why am I doing that?

03:43:21.000 When I can just go to Netflix and I can see the whole season.

03:43:24.000 Am I a baby?

03:43:25.000 I can't decide.

03:43:26.000 I want to just stay up all night and binge watch it.

03:43:29.000 I want to binge watch it.

03:43:30.000 And I think most sports are on the way out anyway.

03:43:32.000 That show WandaVision is doing the opposite of that right now.

03:43:34.000 I don't know what that show is.

03:43:36.000 I've seen like a black and white photograph.

03:43:39.000 The people who control the Marvel Cinematic Universe have made a TV show.

03:43:43.000 And it is in that world, so if you really care and spend all that time watching all those movies and like...

03:43:49.000 Loved the end of the Avengers.

03:43:50.000 Now this is the continuation.

03:43:52.000 Two of those characters are now living their lives in this world.

03:43:57.000 Once a week, you're going to now be led along the path of that.

03:44:01.000 If you want to jump back in and see where they're going, back in the days of Lost, talk about it with your friends for a week.

03:44:09.000 Get in the chat board.

03:44:10.000 See where What's this mean?

03:44:11.000 What is that little thing in the corner of that?

03:44:13.000 Why are they playing that music?

03:44:15.000 Does it mean anything to the future?

03:44:17.000 Some people really like to get lost in that.

03:44:18.000 Some people don't give a shit.

03:44:21.000 I honestly enjoyed the first Wonder Woman movie.

03:44:26.000 You did?

03:44:27.000 I did.

03:44:27.000 I turned that shit off.

03:44:28.000 The first one?

03:44:29.000 The first one?

03:44:29.000 It felt like a tampon commercial.

03:44:31.000 I had to turn it off.

03:44:32.000 I don't mind a tampon commercial.

03:44:33.000 Wait, were you with your family watching it?

03:44:35.000 No.

03:44:35.000 All right.

03:44:36.000 Yes.

03:44:40.000 I get it now.

03:44:46.000 Here's my thing, though.

03:44:48.000 There's been some good Batmans, right?

03:44:51.000 There's been a bunch of good DC comic books.

03:44:54.000 But why is there overwhelmingly more interest in Marvel comics than DC? What is that?

03:45:01.000 Better characters.

03:45:02.000 But DC has Superman.

03:45:04.000 That really only happened when Jon Favreau made Iron Man.

03:45:07.000 Is that what it was?

03:45:08.000 That was when the Marvel Cinematic Universe took off.

03:45:11.000 Was that the first one that was before Spider-Man?

03:45:12.000 That was a different movie.

03:45:14.000 It was almost R-rated.

03:45:16.000 What about when Eric Bana was the Hulk?

03:45:18.000 What year was that?

03:45:19.000 Wasn't that before that?

03:45:20.000 They were still making movies, but they were just in a different style.

03:45:25.000 The Fantastic Four movie got made like four times.

03:45:29.000 Did you see the documentary about Japanese Spider-Man?

03:45:32.000 No, I did not.

03:45:33.000 I highly recommend it.

03:45:34.000 Netflix.

03:45:34.000 I think it's about Japanese Spider-Man.

03:45:37.000 It's very interesting.

03:45:37.000 Love to see that.

03:45:38.000 But before we get to that, how many...

03:45:41.000 There's way more Marvel comics that have been successful.

03:45:47.000 They have X-Men.

03:45:48.000 There's a whole Mutants.

03:45:50.000 It's a whole different genre of...

03:45:52.000 It is interesting that both groups will remake a show like that.

03:45:58.000 Remake a movie.

03:45:59.000 How many Batmans?

03:46:01.000 Infinity.

03:46:01.000 So many.

03:46:02.000 So many, right?

03:46:03.000 From Michael Keaton on and before the TV guy.

03:46:05.000 Yeah, there's like four in production now with three different Batmans.

03:46:08.000 So many Batmans, right?

03:46:10.000 You got two Batmans simultaneously.

03:46:12.000 You got Twilight guy and you got...

03:46:15.000 Keaton's going to be one.

03:46:16.000 And Ben Affleck.

03:46:17.000 Ben Affleck.

03:46:18.000 Michael Keaton's going to be one too?

03:46:19.000 In the Flash movie or something.

03:46:20.000 I don't know.

03:46:22.000 Rumors.

03:46:23.000 TMZ Jamie.

03:46:24.000 I mean, anybody can be one now, right?

03:46:27.000 With CGI. It almost got announced after we talked about it on the podcast.

03:46:29.000 Tony brought it up and the next day they announced Michael Keaton.

03:46:32.000 Tony Hinchcliffe keeps saying he wants to be the Joker.

03:46:34.000 I'm like, dude, hold out for Batman.

03:46:36.000 With CGI, you could be Batman.

03:46:39.000 Anybody can be Batman now.

03:46:41.000 Michael Keaton, they're bringing him back as Batman.

03:46:43.000 The first transgender Batman.

03:46:45.000 Did you see that one Batman, or Michael Keaton movie rather, where it was a couple years back, it was about actors?

03:46:53.000 There was a movie that was really critically acclaimed.

03:46:56.000 Yeah.

03:46:58.000 What was that?

03:46:59.000 Birdman.

03:47:00.000 Birdman.

03:47:00.000 He was a superhero in that.

03:47:02.000 I did not like that movie.

03:47:03.000 Yes.

03:47:04.000 I did, man.

03:47:05.000 Did you?

03:47:05.000 Yeah.

03:47:06.000 You know why I liked it?

03:47:08.000 Not that it was like...

03:47:09.000 There's a thing about movies we get like really used to those set up, you know You know conflict resolution ending yay We get used to that pattern and it feels good when it ends like that.

03:47:21.000 Yeah fucking King Kong did kick Godzilla's ass But every now and then a movie comes along like no country for old men or it ends you like what?

03:47:31.000 And it ends you like I deserve this I deserve this I was I was waiting for some I saw an amazing movie and I was waiting for some cookie cutter ending and I saw a movie like that recently where you're watching and you're like, okay, I think I've seen a movie like this before.

03:47:45.000 Now where are we going?

03:47:46.000 Because you don't know where it's going.

03:47:47.000 It's called Promising Young Woman.

03:47:48.000 I heard about that.

03:47:49.000 I heard it's really good.

03:47:50.000 Pretty good.

03:47:53.000 It's a promising movie.

03:47:57.000 Dude, I tried to watch Tenet.

03:47:59.000 I was a little too sleepy.

03:48:00.000 I fucked up.

03:48:01.000 Be wide awake.

03:48:02.000 Yeah, I need to be on Adderall to watch Tenet.

03:48:05.000 It seems like I need a notebook.

03:48:08.000 There was so much going on.

03:48:10.000 It was wild.

03:48:11.000 It's a wild-ass movie.

03:48:13.000 All bullshit aside.

03:48:15.000 I did enjoy it, though.

03:48:16.000 The crazy thing about it was how original it was.

03:48:19.000 It was one of those movies where you're like, Jesus Christ.

03:48:21.000 Some movies, they have a certain plot, and you think you got it.

03:48:25.000 I got it.

03:48:25.000 I see what's going on.

03:48:26.000 With that movie, you're like, what the fuck is going on?

03:48:28.000 What is happening here?

03:48:30.000 What's happening with time?

03:48:32.000 He's fighting himself?

03:48:33.000 What?

03:48:34.000 Spoiler alert?

03:48:35.000 Powerful Denzel's son.

03:48:37.000 Is that Denzel's son?

03:48:38.000 Wow.

03:48:39.000 Wow.

03:48:40.000 You're going to hear my Danny Glover impersonation.

03:48:43.000 Right?

03:48:44.000 Did you enjoy it?

03:48:45.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:48:45.000 I've seen it twice already.

03:48:46.000 Have you really?

03:48:47.000 That's the only movie I saw in the theater all year.

03:48:49.000 Oh, that's right.

03:48:50.000 I went to go see it.

03:48:51.000 That's right.

03:48:52.000 Dude, it was weird.

03:48:53.000 It was one of those movies where I've got to watch this again when I'm less tired.

03:48:58.000 I fucked up.

03:48:59.000 I tried to watch it at like 7 p.m.

03:49:00.000 and I got that old man sleepy eye thing going on.

03:49:04.000 Yeah, that's every day for me.

03:49:06.000 Hey, do a Danny Glover impersonation.

03:49:09.000 I want to hear it.

03:49:09.000 I don't have a Danny Glover impersonation.

03:49:11.000 Alright, you want to hear mine?

03:49:14.000 Okay, we'll end it on this.

03:49:15.000 I'm getting too old for this shit.

03:49:17.000 Yes, thank you.

03:49:19.000 Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen.

03:49:21.000 That's perfect.

03:49:23.000 Goodbye and good news.

03:49:26.000 See ya.

03:49:28.000 Powerful.

The Joe Rogan Experience - January 26, 2021

Joe Rogan Experience #1601 - Brian Redban

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