In this episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, the host sits down with stand-up comic Sam Kennison to talk about the one thing he's always wanted a comic to do bad, and why it's the only time he's ever wanted someone to hurt themselves in a way that makes them do something they shouldn't be able to do. Plus, he talks about how he almost killed his own son when he accidentally ran into a table with his car and how it's a good thing he didn't hurt himself in the same way that other people might have hurt themselves. Also, he tells a story about how his son almost hurt himself at the age of 7 when he tripped over a table at a table and almost died from it, and how he handled it in the best way he knew how to handle it, which is by telling his son to run into the table instead of a chair. And, of course, he also tells the story of how he accidentally hurt his son's toe on a chair at a restaurant table, and it's one of the most embarrassing stories he ever told to his son. Joe also talks about the time he almost hurt his baby toe in a restaurant, and the lesson he learned about how to not letting his son run into something he shouldn't hurt his kid at 7 years old. It's a great episode, and you should definitely listen to this one if you haven't already listened to the episode of the show. . -Joe Rogan: Train by Day, by Night, by Day - by Night - All Day, All Day by Night by Night - The Joe's Podcast by Night: Train By Day, Train By Night, Train by Night All Day All Day All Day By Night by Day by Day by Night's Day, By Night - By Day - By Night by Day: By Night: By Day: All Day? Joe Rogans Podcast by Day and Night, All By Night? , All Day all Day, Day, Morning, All Night, By Day? by Night? by Day & Evening, By Morning, by Morning, By Evening? - By Morning: By Evening: By Morning? By Day and Evening? By Morning and Evening, by Evening? by Morning? by Morning & Afternoon, By Evening, By Anytime, By Late, By Sunset, By Sleep, By Afternoon? By Any Time, By Rest, By Bedtime, by Sleep?
00:00:41.000I always remember that place because that was the only time I've ever in life, and I'm ashamed of this, I wanted a comic to do bad.
00:00:50.000And that was the only time I've ever wanted a comic to do bad, because I just started, maybe four months in, and the guy, so you had to go in, you had to sign this open mic list, and it's like 30 people on the list.
00:01:05.000And I'm like number 27, and he's 26. And he's talking to me, he's like, yeah, man, I've been doing stand-up for 25 years, man, it's crazy.
00:01:26.000Because if he's good and he's 26 on this list and I just started and he's been doing it 25 years, I'm like, no, it's going to be a long road for me.
00:02:28.000Like I've seen other people that was terrible that night that was up earlier than him but I was like I just wanted him to be bad to be going right in front of me so I was like oh no I'm in a different ballgame.
00:02:39.000If that's the only time you've ever wanted someone to do bad then you're psychologically well off.
00:02:44.000Yeah that's the only time as a comic as a comic.
00:02:47.000I've wanted my son to run into the table If that counts as...
00:04:44.000I was just trying to figure out the pinky toe thing because I was like, maybe the pinky toe is a little bullshit, but there's a doctor that explains it would be almost impossible to run, walk, or skip without your pinky toe.
00:08:16.000I like them because they're goofy and people made fun of them.
00:08:19.000And then also the idea is if you can get your feet to each toe to move individually, it actually strengthens your feet and it can increase athletic performance.
00:14:01.000His name was Dre as well, but he wore suits everywhere.
00:14:05.000And I told you, I said, hey, man, one of these days, something's going to probably happen, and you have on a suit and dress shoes, and you're probably not going to be able to get to me.
00:15:31.000I remember being in Miami and my daughter was, it was a storm coming and my daughter, my daughter Jaden, she had to be maybe, I'm going to say eight.
00:16:27.000I'm like, yo, we should go to the pool.
00:16:29.000I have one daughter that's a daredevil, and she likes to go a little bit too far out, and I was letting her know, like, you gotta understand tides.
00:16:36.000Like, I know you can swim, but tides are no joke.
00:16:38.000Like, tides suck out people that can swim, and you try to fight against those tides, you can't do shit.
00:16:44.000And she's a little skeptical because she's athletic and she's very pig-headed like her father.
00:16:49.000But then I showed her, there was a dude who was a WWE guy, some jacked wrestler who drowned off of, was it Venice?
00:18:03.000I was hoping, and I don't even go here, I was really hoping that he was not black.
00:18:09.000I'm literally sitting here, it was one of them things like, okay, alright, please let him pull up and he's not a black dude that can't swim, that probably drowned a damn teaspoon in the water.
00:18:22.000Sitting there like, yo, I was like, ah!
00:18:50.000Somebody had a joke about that, that it's just because it's frozen water.
00:18:54.000It's a weird thing that, that's the problem.
00:18:57.000I used to hate that stereotype that black people can't swim, but 75% of all drowners in the United States are Hispanic and African American.
00:23:52.000When you think about the shit decisions so many people make in their lives, so many people are just constantly fucking up with their life, wrecking their life.
00:40:17.000I do it at 3.30, so it fucking sucks, man.
00:40:21.000The one good thing, though, is if you're forced to work and you're forced to come up with things, I bet you come up with more material this way.
00:42:37.000He blew out his Achilles, and now he's got this little Hopalong Cassidy shit going on.
00:42:41.000I think that's the thing that we grew up thinking that men are so tough that we don't go to the hospital.
00:42:47.000I don't think I ever believed that, because when I was a kid, I tipped my little manhood up in my pants and went straight to the hospital.
00:42:58.000Straight, I'm talking about, from that point on, I was like, no, the hospital is the place to be when your little penis skin is all rambled up into your pants.
00:43:09.000I will never understand dudes who don't wear underwear who just go commando.
00:43:34.000I saw his style and the jeans going up like I didn't see on a regular basis still Joey Diaz.
00:43:38.000Joey Diaz would always have jeans on with no drawers, no underwear, and then he would, his jeans never fit because he has this giant belly, so he would shake himself sideways and his jeans would drop.
00:43:51.000I don't know if you've seen Joey Diaz's dick, but it looks like everything else on Joey Diaz.
00:45:20.000It was like a blob of a person over there.
00:45:23.000So I'm like, okay, I'm never going to be like that on this show.
00:45:27.000A year later, I'm literally in there and he's like...
00:45:33.000I eat the edible and I'm sitting there and...
00:45:42.000I thought I was talking pretty regular at first, and then all of a sudden, I noticed that it's like, yo, I don't think I'm speaking correctly.
00:48:04.000He almost had a panic attack, and then two hours later, we're on the way to New York, grabs me by the shoulder, tells me, and then pops two more.
00:53:27.000And we feel like we've been rejected or pushed to the side and then you start, some comics start getting better because they feel like other people are getting other opportunities.
00:53:36.000But sometimes it's not for you in that particular space.
00:53:40.000It's been shows that haven't been for me.
00:53:51.000You have the benefit of becoming successful and then looking back and going, oh, all those things that went wrong, that's probably good.
00:53:57.000Because you develop more character, you understand the business better, and reaching out for someone to help you, it rarely really helps you.
00:54:06.000You think it's going to help you, but it's going to fuck your relationship with that person because you're going to have to pay them back quickly and you're probably not going to be able to.
00:54:14.000And then you're going to know that you had to borrow money from somebody.
00:54:19.000When you know you just did it yourself, it's like you have a piece.
00:55:20.000Well, everybody does as a young man, especially when you're entering into something where it's a long road, and you're seeing these other people get ahead of you, and you're like, fuck!
00:55:29.000Like, when you were saying about being embarrassed, wanting someone to do badly, I remember the exact same feeling.
00:55:35.000I remember feeling like a real bitch, because I wanted people to bomb.
00:59:15.000I live in a place where time and time to develop a show It's multiple places to go.
00:59:24.000Like in chunks of 15. I don't think you can develop an hour show in chunks of 3 and 5. I think you got to do it in chunks of 15 or 20s to actually get it tight.
01:01:00.000It's so many layers to this business, and you want to be in it, you want to be funny, but I think it's not a lot of people that would admit to what we have admitted to of, I was fucking being weak as shit right now.
01:01:18.000And now, I want the strongest people, like somebody hosting or featuring for me, or if I'm on the show with multiple people.
01:01:28.000I'm rooting for everybody to go out and do well.
01:02:09.000And I think a lot of people who host, when I'm dealing with somebody who's hosting, I try to explain to them, hey, how much time are you doing, 10?
01:07:33.000So my middle, the middle is always going to be a ringer.
01:07:37.000It's going to be somebody who's probably headlining somewhere else.
01:07:41.000And now it's not a lot of work for people because like clubs and a lot of GMs have explained to me, like all we need is people who can hit grand slams.
01:07:52.000We ain't got time for the, oh, you can get half the room.
01:08:02.000So, it'll be a person who may have been doing cruise ships or colleges or some other venues where they're headlining, hey, can I come on the road with you?
01:08:12.000Or my friends, if I'm writing something, you know, like to give me a different perspective, I just bring my friends, hey, they gonna watch my set, they gonna, hey man, you should do this.
01:13:04.000He's like, That's jumping in the fucking Benz right now.
01:13:08.000It looked like it got fur on the goddamn inside of it.
01:13:11.000I was like, he's in the Benz with no shirt on, with fucking painted toenails, with no goddamn shoes on, just driving around like, alright man, see you in LA when you come to the podcast.
01:13:22.000I'm like, yo, I said, this is fucking the life.
01:13:27.000I've never been in a car with no shirt on, and I've never been barefooted driving anything.
01:13:46.000And I thought I would get over it like for a day and I'm in Ybor City and you know you walking around there and there's fucking roosters everywhere and little lizards walking around.
01:14:48.000But like, it's like this is what happens when you're hanging with your white friends going to fucking cycle and somebody see you and you're like, yo, Ali lost his truck.
01:14:58.000It was fucking, I was on a fucking bike.
01:15:00.000But the freedom of some people in this comedy, like I think y'all have a different comedy community than the black comedy community.
01:18:07.000She's been responsible for the community in Denver for a long time too because she has a whole tier system of open micers and she brings them on to become hosts and then gets them into the middle slot position and actually develops headliners like local Denver based headliners.
01:18:24.000Which is, that's so important for a community.
01:18:26.000You know, I want to open up a club out here, and one of the things that I want to do, really important, is have open mic nights two nights a week.
01:19:25.000It's like when you mention, when people mention a certain area, because when I was first starting, people told me, you know, you got to go to New York, got to go to LA. I was so anti that.
01:19:37.000I would go to do shows and come back home, but I never wanted to move there to validate that.
01:19:47.000That was one of the things I came into this business.
01:19:50.000I am not moving to either one of these places because I think that's a bunch of bullshit that...
01:19:59.000You got to stay here or you got to be here in order for somebody to see.
01:25:45.000Man, Richard Jenny was a joke-writing savage.
01:25:48.000I mean, I saw him in 1988 when I was first starting, and he was a killer.
01:25:55.000And then I worked at Eastside Comedy Club on Long Island, and all the comedians were depressed.
01:26:00.000Because Richard Jenney had just been there.
01:26:01.000And it was on Sunday that I came down, and the guys that were there on Friday and Saturday would go, dude, he did a different hour every show.
01:26:09.000He did four different hours and fucking destroyed.
01:27:47.000When it comes to stand-up, I sit here and I absorb and I listen because I know when I came into this business, stand-up was like one thing to me.
01:28:03.000And then I started looking at all the...
01:28:07.000Like when people say, what were your influences?
01:29:50.000So, I started putting in these little bits about me growing up or how something happened and People start gravitating towards it like, oh man, what you just said,
01:30:06.000that was, man, I was thinking about it.
01:30:08.000Because I hadn't got that ever when I got off saying, I got you, it was funny.
01:30:13.000But I never had got to the point where somebody said they was thinking about something that I said.
01:30:39.000And you start learning this And I learned this maybe year number 11. So when somebody is in year number 5, year number 3, year number 4, and they already think that they're great, I'm thinking like, well, I got shit that I wrote that I'm still...
01:42:18.000Because, like, as we were talking before about all the different styles and all the different people and the different influences, no one can teach you how to do it.
01:46:23.000The stool hasn't always been in the right spot.
01:46:26.000I've learned that I need this stool to be right here.
01:46:29.000So if I do this lean, I want it to seem seamless.
01:46:33.000I adjust stuff so much on stage without people even paying attention.
01:46:39.000I move a chair way early in my set because I know that eventually I'm going to position and when I walk over here, And I just fall back and I'm right in the chair.
01:46:51.000People are like, how did that chair get there?
01:46:59.000I don't think somebody can teach you that.
01:47:01.000I don't think somebody can teach you how to deal with a heckler.
01:47:05.000I don't think somebody can teach you how to deal with the goddamn...
01:47:08.000Worst thing in the world to me in stand-up, comedy clubs that's listening all over the world, do not put fucking bridesmaid wedding parties anywhere near the front of a stage.
01:50:28.000And I said, working out, and she'd come back, this is what I knew, my sister was trying to intimidate me, she'd come back from like a long run, and she was like, 15 miles!
01:50:39.000I'm like, I can't fucking run 15 seconds, I know I'm not gonna fucking, you just ran fucking 15 miles!
01:50:45.000Like, yo, I'm not fucking with my sister.
01:50:47.000She was dead ass serious, like, yeah, you be in them streets, yeah, I been in the military, I just came from Frisco, I mean, though, she was coming from San Diego, where they was, Yeah.
01:50:58.000My sister was like, yo, I want to whoop your ass.
01:53:29.000And it's almost very intimidating if you was getting into it and dude was like, hey man, I'm gonna let you make it because your neck is way too small.
01:55:06.000My son wears like the little boxer briefs and I think this shit getting too small for him because he comes out and he looks like he's going into one of them bodybuilding contests like he's about to flex.
01:59:13.000If you get up at 8, just get up at 8. And so by the time they got to 8, in reality it was probably like 9 or 10. And then by the time they got to 9, He was up, but then Don King started complaining, and they showed a clock.
02:01:40.000Like, it wasn't just beat him, just smashed him.
02:01:42.000And then everybody's like, oh my god, he might do it.
02:01:45.000And then when he knocked out Michael Moore and became the oldest ever heavyweight champion, people were like, how did this guy, who was 300 plus pounds at 36, hadn't fought for 10 years, everybody was laughing, and now he's one of the most terrifying guys in the world.
02:03:47.000They thought he had such a small chance of winning that Hunter S. Thompson, they flew him to Zaire for the fight and he never left his hotel room.
02:03:55.000He stayed in his hotel and he swam in the pool.
02:05:56.000It was a matter of him finding out your rhythm.
02:05:58.000In the beginning of the fight, he would just move around, move around, move around, just feel you, feel how you move, and then somewhere in the middle of the first round, he would start moving on you.
02:11:04.000And then, you know, you gotta look at Teofimo Lopez after he beat Lomachenko, because everybody thought Lomachenko was pound for pound number one, and Lopez beat him.
02:11:49.000I think so many people on cockfights that they get around the skill of When you see somebody really doing it, like if you're watching Anderson Silva and you're watching what he's doing versus somebody coming in, I'm just finna just maw,
02:15:36.000Even if he has, like, a little trouble in the beginning, like Sugar Shane caught him, but then a little bit later, he's fucking Shane up, and Shane can't do shit to him because he figured out his timing, he figured out where he's safe and where he's not safe, and then he starts imposing his will on him.
02:17:34.000But the difference is Floyd's movement and his skill and his ability to shoulder roll, he was levels above everybody and learned it from the time he was a baby.
02:17:44.000You know, with his Uncle Roger and his dad, his dad who fought Sugar Ray Leonard back when Sugar Ray was in his prime and gave him a good fight.
02:17:51.000There was so much boxing knowledge in his house.
02:19:52.000Trump agenda is one page, and then your agenda is 10 pages, and then the Biden agenda is 200 pages.
02:20:01.000So this right there lets you know that he's read all the agendas, Q. Just know, the man has told you how many goddamn pages this shit is, each one.
02:20:09.000And Q was like, well, you have to read it.
02:21:03.000I am a political person and this is what you don't understand.
02:21:07.000Before you try to give somebody the goddamn agenda for what black people do, you might want to get with all the other people who've been working on things of this nature.
02:21:13.000This is what I'm trying to explain to you.
02:21:15.000I was sitting there like, he dismantled Cube to the point that Cube just had to yell out that he's an artist.
02:21:24.000Don't ask me no fucking more technical questions.
02:21:27.000Why do you think people that are rappers or people that are artists or comics or singers or whatever, actors, why do you think they want to inject themselves into political discussions when they really don't know what the fuck they're talking about and go on all these talk shows, go on CNN? Like, why do you think they do that?
02:21:41.000I think that they have been emboldened and empowered by people who listen to their music or their form of entertainment and I can listen to you And like what you do and still can tell you, I don't think that's complete.
02:21:58.000I don't think that's the whole complete thought.
02:21:59.000But some of these people are enabled by even if they have an incomplete thought, people, did you hear what?
02:22:07.000I watched this thing with Killer Mike.
02:22:13.000I've watched T.I. and Meek Mills and people talk about shit and I'm sitting there like, no, I don't think any of that's complete.
02:22:23.000Killer Mike had this thing where he was supposed to live black all day.
02:22:32.000People was praising this thing and so I went to go watch it.
02:22:38.000And the most disheartening thing about it Was, for me, he has a white rap partner.
02:22:46.000And he met up with him in this other city where he was supposed to do everything that was to the black.
02:25:07.000This is how the white guy that was doing the interview was looking like, since everyone's filming, I'm just going to play along and sit here.
02:25:15.000That's probably a Netflix producer's idea.
02:25:18.000That doesn't seem like it makes a lot of sense.
02:25:25.000I don't understand how he fell into that.
02:25:27.000I think that even with a lot of people, I think Harry Belafonte and all the black renaissance of the civil rights movement where you had Kareem and you had Jim Brown and you had Brother Green and all these people who were actors and athletes,
02:26:38.000So you don't have the right because you moved.
02:26:43.000You haven't been in this position in a long time and nor do you help this position.
02:26:50.000It's like when people got mad at Bill Cosby about, when the black community got mad at him about saying, well, you need to read more and X, Y, and Z. Well, he had the fucking right to say that because he had donated more money to historically black colleges and put more black kids in college and had a show that made black kids go to college with a different world.
02:28:25.000You don't give a shit about these kids learning or these people learning in this country.
02:28:31.000You can't be the most powerful country if you're not the smartest.
02:28:34.000So then when you have a bunch of people that's not smart, you have people that can be fucking duped into anything because they don't become thinkers.
02:29:07.000When I first read about Q and nobody knew who he was, I was like...
02:29:12.000Well, there's a lot of things you just said that I agree with, and I get what you're saying about teachers and curriculums and pay, but how does a teacher get more pay?
02:29:22.000I think it's one of the most underappreciated parts of our lives is the people that teach our children, and it's crazy when you find out how little they make.
02:29:30.000To teach children, which is one of the most important things that our society can ever possibly provide as a service, Is education of the young people.
02:29:41.000Give them a chance to look at things in a way where they're going to see problems before they actually do them, where they're going to look at the world through an understanding of history, understand how we got here, why it works wrong, and what you can do to avoid all the pitfalls that all these other people that have fucked up their lives have fallen into.
02:30:00.000Yeah, I agree with you on all those accounts.
02:30:02.000I think they should be paid more, but I think the curriculum should be way better, too.
02:30:05.000And I don't know why we don't put more emphasis into it.
02:31:42.000Increases everything in this particular country.
02:31:46.000So the reason why politicians don't do that is because the same people who want to speak for the community don't fucking live in the community.
02:36:26.000It's like if there's one thing that we need to take care of for the entire community, it's like when you get sick, you should be taken care of.
02:36:42.000Like, when something bad happens, like a pandemic, and you get an influx of people, 300-400% more than normal, and everything shuts down, they can't do anything, and no one knows what to do.
02:36:50.000Well, you've got an understaff problem.
02:36:52.000You've got an under-hospitalization problem.
02:36:54.000And then I found out that hospitals are mostly private businesses.
02:37:17.000You're not going to the county hospital.
02:37:19.000The hospitals, healthcare, all of that should be covered as a part of being a member in the community, the same way the fire department's covered.
02:39:11.000Maybe the government wouldn't do the best job of that, but the idea is that I feel like, and we're getting into the weeds, but what I feel like is it should be a part of being a citizen.
02:51:14.000Ninety percent of African-American children go to college off of Pell Grants, which is probably about $2.5 billion worth of money that you got rid of, but you gave 250. What?
02:53:13.000Well, don't you think it's to compensate for the fact that they understand and appreciate that America was founded with slavery and it was incredibly unequal from the jump until 1865. And then even after 1865, you got Jim Crow laws.
02:56:26.000They would take Native Americans, they would find them, and they would bring them some gold, and they would say, you have to bring me back more gold, or I'm going to chop your fucking arm off.
02:56:38.000And they would do it in front of everybody.
02:56:40.000Like, okay, you don't bring me any gold?
02:56:49.000There was a missionary that traveled with Columbus and he wrote a journal.
02:56:54.000And in his journal, they talked about taking babies and...
02:56:58.000Bashing their heads on rocks in front of the Native Americans.
02:57:01.000They talked about the horrific shit that they did to these people that they found there.
02:57:05.000Raping and murdering and pillaging and just taking anything they wanted.
02:57:09.000And it's amazing that it took until, what, like 2010 or some shit like that before people go, hey, I've been looking into this Columbus guy and maybe we shouldn't have a fucking holiday about this guy.
02:57:30.000This is like historically documented accounts by eyewitnesses who were there when he pulled up and with the Pinta, the Santa Maria and the whatever the fucking boat and the horrific shit that they did to the people that they found there.
02:58:46.000There's five long paragraphs on here, but the first one is good enough, I think, is...
02:58:50.000Columbus ignored the kings and queens' order that he abstain from doing the inhabitants any injury.
02:58:57.000For example, he created in 1495 the tribute system requiring every person over 14 to provide him with a hawk's bell of gold every three months.
02:59:07.000Those who complied were given a token to wear around their neck.
02:59:10.000Those who didn't comply, as Columbus' son Fernando reported, were punished by having their hands cut off.
02:59:19.000About 10,000 in Haiti and the Dominican Republic were victimized.
02:59:23.000Many of the indigenous people were, while alive, roasted on spits, burned at the stake, and invaders hacked the children into pieces.
02:59:36.000Also, Columbus's men tore the babies from their mother's breast by their feet and dashed their heads against the rocks.
02:59:43.000They splitted the bodies of other babies together with their mothers on the swords.
02:59:50.000As noted by Spanish historian and Catholic priest Bartolome de las Casas who witnessed much of the carnage, that's the guy, Columbus in order to test the sharpness of their blades directed his men to cut off the legs of children who ran from them.
03:00:09.000His crew would pour people full of boiling soap and cause others to be eaten alive by hunting dogs.
03:00:18.000And if Columbus' brigade ran out of meat for their vicious dogs, Arawak babies were killed for dog food.
03:00:27.000You can keep going on and on about that.
03:00:29.000But they knew about this for a long fucking time.
03:01:38.000Shaman in Siberia, it was forbidden for them to practice their shamanic rituals because they were getting people to trip balls and question government and shit.
03:01:46.000So they'd have to come in through the chimney.
03:01:48.000So the shamans Would slide down through the chimney with a sack of mushrooms.
03:02:05.000Why is that a fucking thing for a Christmas tree?
03:02:06.000Because coniferous trees, like pine trees, they have what's called a mycorrhizal relationship with mushrooms, meaning the spores grow under these trees.
03:02:16.000And this one particular mushroom that's connected to Santa Claus is called the Amanita muscaria.
03:02:21.000The Amanita muscaria is a shiny, Red mushroom with white patches on it, and it looks like fucking Santa Claus.
03:02:29.000Santa Claus with his red outfit, with his white cuffs and white puff and sleeves.
03:02:33.000Not only that, they would take these mushrooms that they would pick that grow under the pine tree, and then they would put them on the tree to dry them out.
03:02:42.000That's how they dried these mushrooms out.
03:02:45.000They would hang them from the trees, just like shiny ornaments on trees.
03:02:50.000There's a lot of connections between Santa Claus and these mushrooms and rituals and even Christianity itself.
03:02:59.000There's a book from the 1970s called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross by a guy named John Marco Allegro.
03:03:06.000And John Marco Allegro was a scholar who was hired by The commission that was overseeing the Dead Sea Scrolls translation.
03:03:51.000He determined that the entire Christian religion was a giant misunderstanding.
03:03:56.000And what it really was about was the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals.
03:04:01.000And that they had hid all of these stories, hid them from the Romans in parables.
03:04:08.000And that these stories, like the meaning of like the apple with Adam and Eve, that apple, the way you get the wisdom from, that apple was the mushroom.
03:04:57.000They thought that when it rained, that the mushrooms were like...
03:05:01.000Because, you know, have you ever been outside after the rain?
03:05:04.000Mushrooms that weren't there yesterday are now there, and they're huge.
03:05:08.000Now, if you found those, and you trip balls from eating them, like, every...
03:05:14.000Primate tests things to see if you could eat it because they're hungry They don't know and you'd find those and trip balls and literally get connected to God They were convinced that this was their pathway to holiness their pathway to God was through these mushrooms So they would hide it not tell anybody and try to tell it in stories.
03:05:33.000Oh, wow I'm gonna get this book because you're thinking about thousands of years of stories more than a thousand years before it ever even gets written down a That's the whole thing.
03:05:43.000I think that's the part that people miss.
03:06:16.000Or pick up any other historical figure from 200 years ago and just try writing accurate accounts of what he did and who he was and what he stood for based on what?
03:06:25.000Based on a Roman emperor deciding what gets in and what doesn't get in the book, which is exactly what happened.
03:08:44.000Like, if you Islamic Muslims, the protection of the Prophet Muhammad Ali was Islam was by his uncle, who was not even Muslim, and he never converted.
03:09:09.000Joke that I like telling about the Prophet Muhammad, I'm saying, yo, I think that he had a sense of humor because they was changing things when people were converting to Islam.
03:09:20.000So, okay, everybody's going to pray one direction.
03:09:24.000Then the next day he get a revelation, hey, change the direction of the prayer.
03:09:31.000And everybody who was with them because they was Jews and they was like, okay, we're with you because you're praying this way.
03:09:40.000Then they had these pagan rituals where they would hold their idols because most Muslims pray and they hold their hands right here, but they would hold their idols.
03:09:51.000And I was like, the prophet probably came out and didn't want them holding them idols.
03:11:07.000Well, next time we're going to do this.
03:11:09.000You know, we didn't have it, but people don't accept it.
03:11:12.000They're like, no, it was always this No, it's not that rigid.
03:11:15.000Do you think that people need structure?
03:11:18.000They need things like that to keep society together, especially back in the day before there were books and clearly before there was the internet.
03:11:28.000Like, if you behave this way, these are the rules, dress this way, walk this way, this is how we're gonna keep this fucking place together.
03:11:35.000And if you don't, you're gonna burn in hell.
03:14:35.000Especially if there's no hormone treatment.
03:14:39.000You don't have to have some sort of distinction between how much time you're on hormones or whether or not you go through reassignment surgery or what.
03:14:48.000You can just decide that you're a female and then you could play female whatever.
03:16:12.000But if you're talking to a dude who's got antlers on his head and he's got no shirt on and he believes that the FBI is fucking babies in the basement of Capitol Hill, well, you got a real problem there because you haven't made room for crazy in your ideas.
03:18:13.000And then 320 million people and at least 1% of them are out of their fucking mind.
03:18:17.000So you got 3 million plus people out of their fucking minds and you're trying to govern all of it while balancing the budget and keeping North Korea from blowing up San Francisco.
03:22:14.000There was videos of her before that where she was ranting and raving about the government and everything that's wrong and we got to take this back and that and you hear her talk and rant and rave you're like oh my god she's a crazy person There's a crazy person that's like full-on,
03:22:32.000QAnon, on parlor every day, you know, just constantly buying into theories and conspiracies and chaos, and this poor fucking lady believed all this shit, and she was an Air Force veteran.
03:24:50.000I still, to this day, as I look at it, I'm still confused on how they stormed the Capitol, and then they got in, and they start walking through the ropes, single file line, like, where's the restroom?
03:26:06.000Like, it is, like, once you get there, you be like, okay, cool.
03:26:09.000And you, and you walking around, and you seeing different shit, and then you see one of them fucking walking dead, and it be like, it just be like, on the, like, it just go like, you like, wait a minute, hold on.
03:26:23.000And it's so realistic, because you can look down at your hands and see, it's like, alright, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not ready.
03:28:49.000And it's a weird thing, but I didn't think I was going to like it.
03:28:54.000And, you know, I get into certain things and But I wanted to ask you something, because you just said, how does that feel when your kids don't pay you any attention?
03:29:19.000And one of the things I did, I was talking to this one gentleman, and I came out, and I was saying hi to the other two people that were a part of the meeting, and the other two people were on their phone, just staring at their phone, scrolling.
03:30:12.000And kids don't have the ability to rationalize that because you and I grew up without it.
03:30:17.000And then it came a part of our life later.
03:30:20.000I think the generation that kids are growing up in right now with our kids, this is the first generation...
03:30:26.000Really, that, you know, roughly, that has had no experience outside of the internet.
03:30:32.000Their internet has been there from the moment they were born, so video games, the internet, and then they keep getting better and better and better and better until you'd kind of be crazy to not play Jurassic Park.
03:30:44.000When it gets to where it's so wild, it's so much more fun than anything you could do outside.
03:31:10.000No, like, in my living room, I'm going to go to fucking Paris.
03:31:13.000And I can go to these places on this Oculus, but the thing with my children...
03:31:22.000And the understanding with society, like when you...
03:31:25.000This is, to me, this is the most natural thing to sit across from somebody and have a conversation about an array of topics.
03:31:35.000Whether you know something or you don't know something.
03:31:39.000You sitting there, you listening, you interested, you getting...
03:31:42.000But how many people under the age of 35 have I actually had a conversation with past 10 minutes and it was literally probably about something else.
03:31:55.000Because everybody that's 40 and over know how to actually have a dialogue and can sit at a table.
03:32:02.000I can sit at a table and never pick my phone up.
03:32:05.000I can be in my house and never pick my phone up.
03:37:26.000That was the finger that was under the treadmill.
03:37:29.000So now, if something happens, I just be careful and just take him to the birch room because his mind, my mind would have just been like, yo, my fucking brain could have been hanging out.
03:37:40.000My mind would have been like, stuff it back in there and go take your ass a nap.
03:39:06.000I think that without children, you can understand love, but it's kind of like, I look at it like how my friend broke it down to me about me liking Marvin Gaye.
03:39:24.000He said, let me tell you the difference between, I know you, you know everything about Marvin Gaye.
03:39:30.000The difference is, I was at the concerts.
03:39:34.000I was like, oh shit, that is a big difference.
03:39:36.000Like, you listen to his music, you read shit on him, you watch something.
03:40:53.000Like, I probably had something on my mind, probably thinking about something, but in the type of hug that she gives, you know it's so genuine.
03:42:02.000And then through a bunch of shitty experiences and bad parenting and life throwing curveballs at him and all these different things that went wrong, now you've got this fucked up 43-year-old guy.
03:42:24.000It could be fixed because, you know, when you realize something, you know, I didn't realize why I was having bad relationships until I was like 33 years old.
03:42:34.000I had no fucking clue that I go to prison at 19. I literally, what was my experiences with women prior to 19?
03:42:48.000It's like a bunch of high school shit and just in the street shit and meeting people at random spots.
03:42:57.000So once I go inside, from 19 to 25, I have no relationships with women.
03:43:05.000I don't even know how to communicate like that but through a letter to my mom and my sister.
03:43:10.000So I get out and I'm trying to have relationships with women.
03:43:15.000And I'm coming from a place where my formative years of me actually learning how to be a fucking good adult was based upon you write if you're violent.
03:48:51.000Because people who come see you, they'll come see you again, and they'll come see you again.
03:48:56.000If you put together a good enough show, or you put together a body of work, or they like what you did the first time, they're like, well, I see the development here.
03:49:07.000When I saw him this time, It was like this.
03:49:09.000When I came and saw Joe, did you see Joe do this?
03:49:12.000It's all these different things that lay us, but a lot of comics don't ask themselves, is my show good enough for somebody to pay to see me Or pay to see me again after they did it.
03:49:50.000Like, that's the saddest thing, is when you see a comic, one of the saddest things, when you see a comic that believes they're great and they suck, and you're like, oof.
03:50:01.000And they're like, man, how come I don't get that fucking show?
03:53:27.000I was developing it, and then everything shut down in March.
03:53:31.000But that wasn't the case with the guys before us.
03:53:35.000They didn't have to turn over their material that much, so they didn't write as much.
03:53:38.000They weren't forced to be as prolific as we're forced to be.
03:53:42.000So when I I got that when I went to go look at because I wanted to have the most comedy albums and I probably could by now if I wasn't doing over an hour because I looked at Bill Cosby's and I looked at um um Collins and I looked at Richard Pryor's so Richard Pryor has 13 I think wow but maybe five of them are 35 minutes 37 minutes Did you ever listen to the Red
03:55:03.000But before his actual albums that everybody knows about, there's a bunch of these recordings that were shorter recordings that were all just him fucking around at Red Fox's place.
03:55:13.000I guess they just recorded everything there.
03:55:16.000That's a good way to get a bunch of material out there.
03:55:20.000I think, because when I looked at it, some of his albums, his actual release album was like 37 minutes, 35 minutes.
03:55:55.000So that's like you and I in 2021. Imagine if the first comedy special came out in the year 2000. And here we are in 2021 just trying to do our thing.
03:56:05.000Not exactly sure what's the right way to do it.
03:56:07.000I mean, that's really where it's at, right?
03:56:10.000If you think about it, because Pryor was doing some of his best work in the beginning of the 70s.
03:56:15.000That's 20 years after this shit was invented.
03:56:18.000And before that, what was stand-up comedy?
03:56:23.000Before that, it was a bunch of guys that were told the same jokes, and they would go to the Catskills, and they would just sort of repeat all the same stuff.
03:56:29.000And then there was stuff like what Bill Cosby had done, or stuff like Cheech and Chong had done, which was even different, because they did it with no audience.
04:00:16.000I can't have that one more discussion about goddamn social media stars.
04:00:22.000First of all, ma'am or sir, when you, ma'am or sir, that's a comedian, if you gotta say that you're a fucking internet sensation or internet comedian, that's the whole thing.
04:00:35.000These are things that have came up since I've been.
04:02:09.000If you had an audience, if your audience was built by anything other than doing stand-up and then you bring that audience to a comedy club doesn't make you a stand-up.
04:02:22.000If you go to a crowd, they have no idea who you are, and you can go on stage and make these motherfuckers involuntarily laugh, then you're a stand-up comic.
04:02:32.000The difference between these guys who developed this audience from YouTube and guys like us is we started out in open mic nights.
04:10:59.000I actually didn't know what Ari said at first, but I don't think it was said in a manner where he thought about it.
04:11:10.000I think it was mean-spirited because of the fact that he can't get what he deserved because it's other people that was on the helicopter that didn't get what they deserved.
04:12:13.000I said even if it was my brother and my brother said something fucked up, I would have said, well, my brother said this like this and da-da-da.
04:14:38.000Like, to chime in and just virtue signal and try to get some sort of a reaction from the woke left because you're stepping up and talking about a guy who died with his fucking daughter on a plane because he was taking her to a game because he loved her because he wanted to be a good father and they took other families that were there that were gonna go to the game as well and they all died it's nothing but a tragedy it's not an opportunity for you to show everybody how woke you are But
04:15:08.000for Ari, you have to understand that's what he does when anybody dies.
04:16:15.000I was saying all the time about wild shit.
04:16:18.000I was like, yo, I ain't had shit to do.
04:16:21.000It's a part of the problem being on the internet, man.
04:16:24.000Whenever something happens, you either have to have an opinion about something, or you get attacked for something by people where what they're saying doesn't make sense, and then you have to defend some shit that doesn't make sense, and you're like, what?