Joe Rogan Experience #1632 - Tom Segura
Episode Stats
Length
3 hours and 43 minutes
Words per Minute
188.88739
Summary
Comedian and stand-up comic Joe Rogan joins Jemele to discuss his new gig in Miami, how he got started in comedy, and what it's like to be a Latinx comedian in the South Beach area of Miami. He also talks about what it s like to perform in Spanish in South Beach, and why he thinks it s one of the most culturally diverse cities in the country. Joe also gives us some tips on how to get a good night out in Miami and why it s a great place to do standup comedy. And, of course, we talk about how much he's been drinking and how much money he's making on the road. It's a great episode, and you should definitely check it out! Thanks to our sponsor, Caff Monster Energy Drink, and thanks to everyone who has been supporting the show and the work of our sponsors, Joe Rogans Experience! Thank you so much for being awesome, Joe! Cheers, Joe and Jemele! XOXO Check it out, and spread the word to your friends and family about this episode of the pod! -JOE ROGAN PODCAST! Logo by Courtney DeKorte Music by Zapsplat and the rest of the crew at The New Studio Crew Logo and sound design by Jeff Kaale ( ) is a production of Gimlet Media . All rights reserved -Joe Rogan Experience is a proud sponsor of the podcast by the New Studio (and the new studio in Miami Beach, FLORENCE, Florida & the new New Studio in LA, Florida, and New York City, NY - is a wonderful place to live in the Miami, FL! and we are looking forward to seeing you, coming to Miami, Miami, and we're going to see you in Miami in the future, too! . . . and we hope you like it, so much more in the next week. -The New Studio, New York, NYC, LA, and LA, New Jersey, and Miami, NY, and Boston, MA in the coming months, and more! -Josie, NYC - - Miami, PA - and much more! (featuring a little more! ) -and much more!! -and we hope that you have a great time in Miami next week!
Transcript
00:00:06.000
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
00:00:33.000
It looks cool, but it might not be the right spot for it.
00:00:38.000
Me and then a big neon thing of my name right behind me.
00:00:45.000
I looked at the image on the screen and I was like, oh, that's not what I was hoping.
00:00:51.000
It's a cool sign, but I just don't know if it's the right background.
00:00:59.000
Have you seen the shooting stars across the ceiling?
00:01:06.000
You know when all your moves, it still feels like you're in the same kind of space.
00:01:13.000
But when, you know, like your second old LA studio?
00:01:19.000
When you moved it to your newer LA studio, it's like the duplicate room, right?
00:01:39.000
So that's what you're doing right now, a Spanish tour?
00:01:46.000
And when you go to Miami, you can do both, right?
00:01:48.000
I mean, you could do them in all the cities I was in Texas in.
00:01:52.000
Diaz used to do that in Miami, and he was unfollowable.
00:02:01.000
Because he would do, like, stand-up, and then he would have punchlines in Spanish.
00:02:06.000
And you would see people falling out of their fucking chairs.
00:02:09.000
I saw him in Miami do a set last year, the night that he dosed me.
00:02:35.000
Like, 12 years ago at the old Coconut Grove Club, and I used the Spanish that I had.
00:02:43.000
Like, not even planning on it, but once you're in that room, oh my god.
00:02:49.000
Yeah, if you think, what is the percentage of people that are from Spanish-speaking countries that live in Miami?
00:02:56.000
You can walk down Ocean Boulevard or Collins Ave.
00:03:01.000
Just go on a 20 minute walk and not hear English.
00:03:04.000
And you will hear Spanish, Portuguese, German, Italian.
00:03:10.000
Man, super, super, like, diverse, multicultural area.
00:03:17.000
It almost seems like you need a passport to get there.
00:03:19.000
You can walk into places in Miami and be like, excuse me.
00:03:34.000
And then you have tons of French-speaking people in Miami, too.
00:03:50.000
He moved because he was like, you know, let me just try it.
00:04:03.000
Christina's dad had a condo there when we first got together.
00:04:13.000
You feel like you're in the Bahamas or something.
00:04:15.000
Well, Schultz has been there the entire winter.
00:04:25.000
He's got the hat now and an open shirt and all the pictures.
00:04:30.000
Yeah, and he's already got COVID, so, you know.
00:04:33.000
Yeah, he's got the antibodies, so he's just roaming around.
00:04:41.000
You know, I've been, you know this, I've been a huge LA advocate defender for years.
00:04:47.000
People talk shit about it, I'm like, fuck you, man.
00:04:51.000
But I do feel like it was, the whole thing was horribly managed.
00:05:08.000
And so, like, you know, I mean, we looked around, we started talking about it.
00:05:13.000
It's like, I mean, your spouse is like, yes, I want to do it.
00:05:19.000
I was like, I guess we're definitely doing this, you know?
00:05:21.000
Because I didn't think I could ever get her to...
00:05:23.000
I would throw this around sometimes, like the idea.
00:05:29.000
You know, because her family comes from communist countries, this idea of socialism is so appalling to her.
00:05:37.000
Marxism and socialism, when she hears that kind of...
00:05:39.000
Even though it's this minor, just woke version of it, she's like, you fucking idiots.
00:05:50.000
Anybody that's been from any communist country, they get furious.
00:05:57.000
That's why so many people in Miami were Trump supporters.
00:06:02.000
And they were very smart, that campaign, with targeting them.
00:06:09.000
Like, if you just want to study the marketing and running a campaign, they targeted Latin American people in a really smart way, the Trump campaign did.
00:06:18.000
Because they were like, you know that bullshit that you left?
00:06:37.000
People that would never think about moving to Florida were like, Florida's on the table.
00:06:44.000
Florida's always been a destination for New Yorkers, but it was definitely in another gear this year.
00:06:48.000
Do you see what New York's doing now with taxes?
00:06:51.000
They just proposed a new tax on anybody who makes more than a million dollars a year?
00:07:05.000
The thing is, man, I like LA. I like parts of LA. Like aspects of LA. But it is a weird place right now.
00:07:13.000
I don't see how anybody could say that it isn't.
00:07:16.000
For someone who's lived there like two decades.
00:07:26.000
And then also, how are you going to bring all those businesses back?
00:07:30.000
Like, all those places that are boarded up, what's it gonna take to bring it back to what it was?
00:07:40.000
With, um, that have been, like, I've been driving by some of them, you know, for a year.
00:07:45.000
And there's garbage, and there's garbage on freeways.
00:07:50.000
Like, whatever freeway you're connecting to, you know, you're going five, one, ten, like, you just see trash everywhere.
00:07:59.000
Well, they used to use prisoners to clean that shit up.
00:08:02.000
You know, that was one of the things that Artie Lang had to do.
00:08:08.000
I know I've seen other celebrities do trash pickup.
00:08:18.000
But it gives you time to contemplate what you fucked up on.
00:08:27.000
I haven't seen any hide nor hair of Artie through the whole pandemic.
00:08:38.000
Remember we were on our little text thread and I said, hey, has anybody heard anything from Artie?
00:08:51.000
Hopefully, but I would think a guy like that...
00:08:54.000
You know, you don't realize how much like doing stand-up is a part of who you are as a person.
00:09:04.000
You guys actually probably are the best example of taking you and Schultz.
00:09:08.000
Schultz did an amazing job with his Instagram and then turned it into a Netflix special.
00:09:12.000
But what you guys have been doing with your live shows is an amazing example of saying, okay, what can we do different?
00:09:19.000
How do we just do something that a fucking network would never let us do?
00:09:27.000
It's really been incredible, the response from fans who are supporting it.
00:09:34.000
It makes me realize how we're living in this shift right now in the entertainment business.
00:09:43.000
We've known that creators can take control and create things, but now you realize that that paywall can be controlled by creators.
00:09:54.000
You know, like when paywalls first started, you go like, oh, like Netflix, or you try to read an article sometimes, like from one of the big publishers, right?
00:10:03.000
That is going to be the norm across the board for entertainment, I think, for the next foreseeable future.
00:10:10.000
And people are going to be able to do things like we're doing And have way, like, way more control.
00:10:18.000
Like, what we're doing is, you know, we have this fan base that loves what we do, and we're just taking it on the live shows to another level.
00:10:30.000
We hired, like, this crazy, the best makeup artist that did prosthetics and made Christina look like a real whore.
00:10:40.000
And then we can do these uncensored clips, which you can't do on really any other platform.
00:10:45.000
And we control it, and it's part of the ticket.
00:10:48.000
It's like, we're going to do X, Y, Z, and we're going to try to deliver on all these things.
00:10:54.000
We've had Marcus King Band was on the last one.
00:11:03.000
So I saw that clip, and I didn't know that that was Christina.
00:11:05.000
They put a prosthetic nose on her, lips on her.
00:11:10.000
Go ahead and watch YMH Live 4 now at livestream.ymh.
00:11:14.000
That's crazy, because now I get it that it's her, but when I first saw it, I was like, who is that?
00:11:25.000
And he was like, oh, when I saw it, I was like, oh, is Tom's wife cool with this?
00:11:31.000
And I was like, yeah, yeah, she's real cool with it.
00:11:33.000
So all the tattoos on the fake tits and all that stuff is fake.
00:11:40.000
We got, like, one of the top, top makeup artists in Hollywood.
00:11:44.000
And that's, like, part of, like, what we're doing with those is we go, like, we got to make it.
00:11:48.000
You always have to raise the bar and, like, make the value there.
00:11:51.000
Now, when you plan these out, like, how long in advance?
00:11:56.000
Yeah, sometimes we're doing another one coming up and then we'll take like a month or two down.
00:12:01.000
Sometimes I go back and forth between Two Bears with Bert and YMH. You do a live one of those too?
00:12:07.000
Yeah, like the New Year's one where we showed my fun accident.
00:12:31.000
So we brought in an animal person that put snakes and spiders and shit on.
00:12:42.000
And so when you plan out, you plan out the whole format?
00:12:46.000
So the latest one that we did was, I think, the tightest show that we've done, where we go, we're going to do a solo segment, we're going to shoot sketches, we're going to have a musical guest, and then we end on what we call the heavy segment, which is shit that, like, the videos I text you and stuff.
00:13:02.000
And then we, you know, we tried to push the envelope on those.
00:13:07.000
But then what comes is like, you know, when we first did that heavy segment, it was like all shit, just like people shitting in each other's mouths.
00:13:13.000
And then you go like, hey, you can't just keep shitting on people.
00:13:22.000
Dude, like one of my producers was like, you know, I cried last night prepping this clip.
00:13:28.000
He looks, and the fans become associate producers.
00:13:36.000
And then I go, I just don't want to see I don't want to play murders and stuff, you know, because there's so many videos for that.
00:13:43.000
And then my producer was like, oh, okay, that'll cross out a whole category of videos.
00:13:49.000
People will send in, you know, just because it's the internet.
00:14:02.000
Like, there was a lady masturbating with a butcher knife, you know.
00:14:35.000
It could have been a fake knife, but it didn't look like it was.
00:14:39.000
Yeah, and see, this is the reaction that people want when they're watching it at home.
00:14:43.000
Because we also encourage people to record themselves watching that segment.
00:14:54.000
The Two Girls, One Cup was like, that was where all that stuff came from.
00:14:58.000
And then there's one with me and Red Band where we watched the BME Pain Olympics.
00:15:03.000
I've heard that, yeah, that was, was that early 2000s?
00:15:07.000
Yeah, it's all like dudes cutting their balls off and opening their sack up and pulling their nuts out.
00:15:16.000
This dude had like split the tip of his dick in half and had like a bar in there and like rope wrapped around.
00:15:35.000
But he was like, he was so calm and was like, you know, just injecting it.
00:15:44.000
And this dude was with dirty hands and just like putting pliers and shit in his eye.
00:15:52.000
There's so many of those videos, but I don't like pursue those anymore.
00:15:56.000
The only way those stumble across me is like when I talk to you.
00:15:59.000
Well, you know, I only sent, like, when we get ready for a show, you ask me, like, we prep for, like, over a month to do one of these.
00:16:07.000
And for those crazy clips, I ask them not to show me, like, in detail.
00:16:12.000
Like, sometimes they'll show me a few frames or what's kind of happening, because I want to be able to react to it, you know, first time on camera.
00:16:19.000
And then afterwards, if something was really crazy, I'll be like, give me that so that I can send it to people.
00:16:28.000
So when you decided to start doing this, what was the initial plan?
00:16:34.000
The plan came from the fact that, I mean, honestly, it really happened a total accident.
00:16:39.000
It was during the pandemic and touring stopped, which, like you were saying, it affected us all differently.
00:16:47.000
Forget how much you are used to doing stand-up all the time.
00:16:56.000
It's a required part of your day almost, right?
00:17:00.000
So it had been a few months, and the idea came.
00:17:06.000
Because people were doing live or streaming ticketed stand-up shows.
00:17:14.000
Yeah, I saw people that were good comics that did that.
00:17:18.000
I mean, you couldn't even, you couldn't talk me into it.
00:17:20.000
I was like, there's no way I'm doing that, man.
00:17:33.000
And I was thinking about, we've done live podcasts, in other words, at a venue, right?
00:17:38.000
And I was like, yeah, but that has the element of the audience.
00:17:48.000
The first thing we thought of is that we do a clip show every week.
00:17:53.000
Where we play audio-video clips, and you go, but we have restrictions.
00:17:57.000
Like, there's sometimes we play a video that we see in our studio, but we can't show you, like, on YouTube.
00:18:03.000
So the whole thing is, like, oh, we could find one of these platforms that will let us do uncensored clips.
00:18:12.000
That'd be really fun to be able to actually show them.
00:18:14.000
And then the idea came, well, we should do sketches.
00:18:17.000
Like, we should do stuff to raise the value of the whole ticket.
00:18:21.000
And so now you guys actually sit down, you have meetings, you produce it.
00:18:25.000
I had to hire more producers, digital content guys, a development guy.
00:18:29.000
And the goal is that we are gearing towards shooting a feature.
00:18:41.000
And when you have this feature, will you release it on this platform the same way?
00:18:46.000
I think the idea would be to release it on the platform first, and then since we'll own it, you know, we could then license it or distribute it through a bigger company to a larger platform.
00:19:03.000
I mean, the thing that we're writing is, it is pretty crazy, but it's not showing, like, wild internet shit.
00:19:11.000
It's all, you know, it's scripted, so we're shooting it ourselves.
00:19:14.000
So, like, think of it as, you know, you go to the movie, you see a Tarantino movie, you see wild violence, you can still show it, right?
00:19:22.000
But it would be more along those lines, where it's scripted and it's shot that way, but we're not showing real crazy shit.
00:19:28.000
So you'll show some wild shit, but it'll be fake.
00:19:32.000
I wrote these two things that we're going to shoot that are pretty fucking insane, and that I already had a casting director go, I can't send this to an actor.
00:19:51.000
Well, I mean, there's so much going on, but I'd love to get the ball rolling over the summer, you know?
00:19:59.000
I love when people take these weird moments where you don't know what to do and you figure it out.
00:20:10.000
It's the coolest thing that's come over the last...
00:20:21.000
I knew it was going to happen because I go, like, this is what I would do too.
00:20:25.000
All these comics that did their own specials and released them.
00:20:29.000
I was like, oh, this is the smartest thing they can do.
00:20:35.000
And you don't have to worry about being censored.
00:20:40.000
You saw Schultz did it, Mark Norman, Giannis, all those guys putting the special out.
00:20:46.000
And you see the view counts go crazy, and then they're just releasing their own specials.
00:20:54.000
Now you're controlling the content, and like I said, you're in control of the paywall, which is something that really didn't exist before.
00:21:06.000
I think you're going to see that explode to the point where in the next few years, people will be choosing, like, because you see everyone jumping into streaming, right?
00:21:15.000
It's like Netflix and there was Hulu and Prime and now there's Paramount and Warner.
00:21:19.000
I mean, that's just going to keep growing, man.
00:21:21.000
So it's going to be like people are going to be choosing where to spend their money on that the same way...
00:21:26.000
When we only had cable, and you could choose, like, are you a basic cable person?
00:21:32.000
It's going to be the exact same thing, but selective.
00:21:37.000
I'm sure you'll see bundles where some of these companies will pair together.
00:21:40.000
Well, if you sign up for this thing, you can get these three bundles together.
00:21:43.000
That's how entertainment's going to go, at least for the foreseeable future.
00:21:46.000
And then there's going to be independent creators like yourself that just have your own little website, and all of it gets done through you, so you're not splitting it with anybody.
00:21:54.000
And I think there's going to be a lot more of us.
00:21:57.000
And then you'll see consumers go, well, I'm definitely going to have my Netflix and my Hulu.
00:22:03.000
But then there's going to be people who go, no, I prefer YMH and this other sports thing, and that's where I spend my money.
00:22:15.000
Well, I keep hearing this rumor that Apple's going to try to do that with podcasts.
00:22:18.000
They're going to try to have some sort of a streaming service.
00:22:24.000
But here's what would be interesting if they decide, and I think this is also a rumor, that they were going to make it so that downloads only count if you specifically download it, not if you subscribe.
00:22:43.000
Because there is maybe 20 podcasts that I subscribe to that I never listen to.
00:22:49.000
So they're getting downloaded into your phone and they count as a download, but I don't listen to them.
00:22:54.000
And so in that case, that wouldn't be a download because you didn't...
00:23:00.000
So you'd have to go to it and purposely say, oh, the new, you know, whatever, two bears, one cave.
00:23:21.000
At Spotify, we get it by streams, so I know exactly how many people stream things, which is different.
00:23:28.000
But it doesn't show anywhere, which is weird too.
00:23:39.000
It's about how many people are actually listening.
00:23:42.000
Yeah, because that number is different, like you said, from subscribing to actually listening.
00:23:46.000
It's weird, you know, because you've got to think of how many people have these crazy inflated numbers.
00:23:53.000
Well, there was an issue when podcasts first started coming along where someone would download a podcast, Or they'd start listening to it, and they'd shut her off and start listening to it again, and it would count as a second download.
00:24:06.000
And they were doing it three, four, five times.
00:24:08.000
I remember that big shift that everybody who podcasts know about when you saw numbers go like a fifth of what they were for a month.
00:24:17.000
Yeah, they thought they had some crazy, huge, successful show, and then it got adjusted.
00:24:30.000
Yeah, I was like, yeah, these numbers are this.
00:24:35.000
I was like, oh, I can just tell by your voice that something's off.
00:24:40.000
And they were like, just, you know, that just doesn't seem right.
00:24:43.000
And then they were telling me, and all these other people are saying these things, and it doesn't seem right either.
00:24:48.000
And they said, because we know what that looks like when that's a real number.
00:24:52.000
In terms of the impact of the ads and stuff like that.
00:25:12.000
Big time, for like a month period where everyone was like, I guess my whole audience went away.
00:25:16.000
It went completely down, and then it kind of bounced out.
00:25:20.000
The most fucked up number is the amount of actual podcasts now.
00:25:29.000
So obviously we're dealing with the entire world, but I think it's more than a million just English speaking.
00:25:38.000
So which is, in America, you know, one out of every 320 people have a podcast?
00:25:45.000
This research podcast, hosting.org, as of April 2021, there are 1.9 million podcasts.
00:25:58.000
It says there's over 47 million episodes to choose from.
00:26:03.000
So when people tell me they're going to start a podcast today, I'm like, maybe.
00:26:10.000
I still think, because people ask me sometimes, and I might be wrong about this, but I still think that, well, what is the angle?
00:26:18.000
Because if it's just sitting around and shooting the shit, that could work.
00:26:27.000
So it's like, if you're studying it, you go, well, you know, like...
00:26:35.000
It's like a specific, and that's what I kind of think, like, for somebody who's starting new, I'm like, pick something.
00:26:40.000
You know, like, pick a world or something, or like, just some target way of doing it so that it's unique.
00:26:46.000
Because if you're just like, well, it's me and my friend, Kevin.
00:26:51.000
The number of podcasts with substantial followings, though, still remains, like, pretty small.
00:26:59.000
It's got to be, I mean, it's got to be pretty small, man.
00:27:02.000
Well, there's so many people that only do it occasionally, too.
00:27:17.000
Well, there's only a few people that do it, like you, or like I do, or you just really just do it all the time.
00:27:28.000
Well, this is the thing we were talking about earlier, like, that when I started, I experienced as well, when I got a studio, an actual studio, where people were like, why are you doing this?
00:27:44.000
It's like if you had a show that had a million views.
00:27:47.000
Yeah, you're going to sit in your car and do it?
00:27:48.000
Yeah, so when I started doing that, and I was like, because there's a lot of people listening, like, how many?
00:27:53.000
And you would tell people, they're like, wait, what?
00:27:55.000
And that's when, like, when people started finding out the numbers of people that were actually listening to podcasts, that's when it started getting weird.
00:28:02.000
People were like, how many downloads do you have?
00:28:04.000
A lot of people, they just obviously will see a YouTube view count.
00:28:09.000
And you're like, yeah, yeah, that's who's watching, man.
00:28:10.000
There's a whole other segment of this audience that just listens.
00:28:16.000
A giant amount of people that just listen in their cars.
00:28:21.000
Because if it's not just doing what we're doing, just sitting around shooting the shit, what is it going to be?
00:28:27.000
The thing is that I love about what we're doing with the streaming thing and all this is that what you can do now is just whatever you can imagine.
00:28:40.000
You really can just make any kind of fucking show you want.
00:28:45.000
We all just used to go, do you grant me permission?
00:28:50.000
And you had to talk to these people that were so arrogant.
00:28:54.000
And they all knew what was funny and what was good and how to do it.
00:28:57.000
And they would tell you how to do it differently.
00:29:00.000
Do you remember the last time, or did you pitch shows?
00:29:12.000
I did one a couple years ago with a great group of people pitching with me, like writers and producers, where the executive...
00:29:23.000
Like, rested his hand on his face for the whole thing.
00:29:36.000
Imagine him on the set like this, when you hit your punchlines.
00:29:45.000
We had notes for this last pilot we did where I was like, this is the single worst note.
00:29:51.000
I mean, they killed all the comedy, and they killed the logic.
00:29:57.000
There was something about a watch, I remember, that they were like, well, who would have, like, a nice watch?
00:30:05.000
Like, they're like, yeah, but that's too nice of a watch, like, for the thing.
00:30:15.000
And they're like, they would say, aren't you supposed to take that out?
00:30:21.000
So they wanted you to take a scene out because someone had a watch?
00:30:28.000
And they were like, yeah, people won't relate to it.
00:30:35.000
A lot of people know that there are nice watch, and they were just like, but it was like, that was their contribution.
00:30:40.000
Like, that was the contribution from the executive.
00:30:43.000
Well, there's a thing about a lot of those sitcoms where they're always trying to bring it down to the everyman level.
00:30:55.000
And I was like, Let's King of Queens it a little bit.
00:30:57.000
And it wasn't like some fucking, you know, $100,000.
00:31:02.000
And they were like, nah, no, it's got to be like a $50 watch.
00:31:16.000
Those kind of conversations are so frustrating.
00:31:19.000
But it's only necessary if you need someone to take your thing and then put it on their network.
00:31:24.000
And when they do that, they're going to fuck it up anyway because there's going to be a bunch of commercials in between it.
00:31:28.000
You're only going to have seven minute segments and then you're going to cut to several minutes of commercials and then come back.
00:31:33.000
That's why, you know, you have a 30 minute show.
00:31:52.000
And then they have to water down whatever you're doing so that the advertisers are cool with it.
00:31:59.000
Now that we do what we do, it's like the idea of...
00:32:03.000
Going there, and especially like that type of thing, like sitcom notes, like real network sitcom notes, I'd be like, I'd jump off this bridge right now, man.
00:32:14.000
I've been offered things, and I just say that those days are gone.
00:32:25.000
There's got to be a time where you go, I need to just concentrate on what I'm doing.
00:32:31.000
I think that's when things thrive the most, when you focus on the few things that you really like.
00:32:36.000
I feel like the good thing about podcasts is I can do that and still do stand-up like no problem at all.
00:32:41.000
Doing the two of them is no problem at all because podcasts, and in fact, I think it stimulates your brain because you're having interesting conversations with really smart people or funny idiots.
00:33:02.000
And then it doesn't take away from your time to do stand-up.
00:33:09.000
If you're a comedian and you're living right now and you get to do what we do, like podcasts and stand-up, it is a dream.
00:33:21.000
No, it's an awesome gig, but I mean, how many fucking guys didn't have one coming into the pandemic?
00:33:26.000
And then all of a sudden the revenue was just...
00:33:31.000
Like, honestly, I mean, I really counted my blessings, you know, that we had the podcast.
00:33:58.000
I think the Zooming thing works for a one-on-one conversation.
00:34:03.000
It's better in person, but it can work on Zoom.
00:34:06.000
But for, like, your mom's house or something, I was like, yeah, I don't want to have someone Zooming in to be a guest.
00:34:14.000
Because then, like, they're there, and we're showing them something, and, like, it just doesn't.
00:34:19.000
We did it with no guests for two years one time.
00:34:23.000
Yeah, because the show was growing, and I had this...
00:34:27.000
This thought where I was like, you know, if we can build a fan base that comes not for the guest, isn't guest-reliant, that would be a great thing.
00:34:45.000
Yeah, but those two guys can really fucking talk by themselves.
00:34:52.000
I tried that once, and I was like, that's not me.
00:34:55.000
Well, Tim has Ben, his producer, and so he does all this.
00:35:12.000
He can record it in his underwear in a hotel room somewhere.
00:35:22.000
It's not like what most people see, where most people go like, oh yeah, because I've seen his specials, and he's great.
00:35:38.000
I've sat with him on a panel in front of like a crowd and he's just talking and it sounds like bits, but they're not.
00:35:47.000
I remember I had Al Madrigal to my left and I was like, what in the fuck?
00:35:56.000
That muscle is so strong from doing that podcast that way.
00:36:02.000
And your point, his podcast translates to the stage.
00:36:09.000
Because he has ideas that he fleshes out on the podcast.
00:36:14.000
And then the next thing you know, it's on stage and it's polished and he shortens it up and tightens it up and adds to it.
00:36:20.000
It's like it's his farm league for his stand-up.
00:36:23.000
Well, that's what Stan Hope said he was doing with his podcast.
00:36:25.000
He was using it like an open mic and he was fleshing out ideas on his podcast because Stan Hope lives in the middle of fucking nowhere.
00:36:50.000
I've seen Bill backstage and he's like, is this funny?
00:36:53.000
And then he goes out there and you're like, have you been doing that for six months?
00:37:03.000
Just like any other kind of thing where you just regularly do an activity.
00:37:12.000
So it gets you better at having conversations with people.
00:37:23.000
And you get better at it when you do it more often.
00:37:26.000
But you don't think of just being able to rant as being a skill.
00:37:30.000
And then you can look at your own act as a comic and go like, oh, that was a rant bit.
00:37:35.000
If you don't do them a lot, you're like, that's a ranty bit.
00:37:39.000
But you see that if you exercise that muscle a lot, you can get good at that, at flexing that rant muscle.
00:37:49.000
I mean, we're talking about just talking to people.
00:37:51.000
One of the weirdest things has been getting in contact with people that haven't gone out and haven't been around people during the entire pandemic.
00:38:01.000
I had Adam Eget on the podcast before he started venturing out, and he had been locked in his home for months by himself, single, right?
00:38:09.000
And he was just pale and weirded out by everything.
00:38:18.000
How many people are like that that are in this country right now that have just like this weird mental health moment?
00:38:24.000
Dude, you know, I thought about this when I was like in the hospital and then in recovery.
00:38:30.000
And I know it's not as extreme as what I'm going to compare it to.
00:38:35.000
But it made me think a lot about the effects of isolation.
00:38:39.000
Because I was basically in a room, one of two rooms, for three weeks.
00:38:46.000
And my communication with people would be short, you know?
00:38:50.000
Someone checks on you, check your vitals and leaves.
00:39:00.000
Like, I mean, I'd have my phone, TV, you know, like...
00:39:04.000
And the TV is like in the hospital, so what kind of channel is that?
00:39:10.000
You're like, how many fucking Korean channels are here in LA? So, like, they have like a bank of channels for each language, so you're like, there's like six channels in Farsi, and then six in Korean, you know?
00:39:30.000
So we were shooting content for our live show, which was a New Year's Eve live.
00:39:35.000
We had done one before where we played tennis and we had just goofy shit and was fucking around and we shot some sketches and stuff.
00:39:52.000
We'll lower the rim and raise it and see who can dunk on the highest rim.
00:39:57.000
And that'll be part of the competition, you know?
00:40:03.000
This was the video you just put out where they were doing before that.
00:40:30.000
So right there, they're all like, oh, and Burt's like, holy shit, because he couldn't do it.
00:40:42.000
And then right after this, one of those guys goes, I think you can go a little higher.
00:40:49.000
And I was like, I remember I felt the adrenaline.
00:40:54.000
And you're like, you feel like your throat kind of tighten up.
00:41:07.000
I was like, it was clean, but I was like, I can't go that much higher.
00:41:11.000
And just on the push off, push off on the left foot, my left patellar tendon snapped.
00:41:21.000
I mean, eventually when I talked to the doctor about it, he was like, this probably would have happened like doing something else.
00:41:31.000
He said it was such a strange place for the tear to take place.
00:41:39.000
First he goes, it took a tremendous amount of force to do what you did.
00:41:54.000
He goes, well, normally these patellar tendons snap in, like, one of two places.
00:41:59.000
And, like, you're snapped in a place that it rarely happens in.
00:42:02.000
Like, it's not at one of the attachment points.
00:42:07.000
He's like, it's very strange the way it snapped.
00:42:09.000
So, didn't you do, like, deadlifts or something the day before that?
00:42:16.000
Were you sore when you went to the dunking thing?
00:42:19.000
I was doing 255 sets of 12. Okay, so not really heavy weight.
00:42:23.000
Not crazy weight and, like, I mean, not super light, but, like, you know, being able to...
00:42:35.000
Someone reminded me of this afterwards at my office.
00:42:38.000
That I do remember they were betting whether I could do nine feet at the office.
00:42:43.000
Some people were like, yes, no, and I jumped in my office in jeans and a t-shirt and touched the ceiling there, and I was like, that felt funny.
00:42:54.000
Here's the thing about tendons and ligaments, especially ligaments, when they snap, they don't hurt.
00:43:07.000
I don't know if I would have felt pain if it wasn't for landing on my arm and snapping my humerus in half.
00:43:20.000
And then when Bert takes it, pulls it, why did he do that?
00:43:36.000
Some people would argue that it could be exacerbated by being moved, but some people would say that it didn't.
00:43:53.000
And then, you know that I did something pretty crazy.
00:44:01.000
And as soon as I got to that hospital, I looked around.
00:44:22.000
You know when you have intense experiences, your memory's so sharp from it?
00:44:35.000
I remember that Scott was in the bed next to me.
00:44:46.000
And then they did a horrible job wrapping this arm in like a makeshift kind of splint brace, you know?
00:45:03.000
And then they're like, well you need to have surgery.
00:45:06.000
So I called my primary physician and I was like, who should operate on me?
00:45:11.000
And he's like, dude, the two people I would send you to are out of town right now.
00:45:18.000
So the emergency room doctor there is like, I'll set you up with this person that can do surgery tomorrow.
00:45:33.000
They're like, your leg and your arm are like completely non-working.
00:45:42.000
So Lindsey, who works with me, who was there filming, I get in his car.
00:46:15.000
So I just go home with a broken in half arm and a leg that doesn't work.
00:46:26.000
So I went home, and Bert and Leanne had helped set up this area in our house because Christina was beside herself, so overwhelmed.
00:46:39.000
And I got on the couch, and I slept on the couch.
00:46:46.000
I was like, find me one of the fucking wheelchair drivers that takes people around.
00:46:51.000
He found a guy that for $50 picked us up in a 30-year-old van and a 50-year-old wheelchair.
00:47:04.000
He, you know, I do, I tell him this, that I'm always like, you know, I'll roll solo.
00:47:10.000
Like, I'll be like, I'll go by myself to things.
00:47:13.000
I grabbed him, I was like, don't you fucking leave me in this family.
00:47:18.000
Oh my god, how old was the guy driving the car?
00:47:24.000
His hair was so long that when he pushed me in the wheelchair, his hair would be on my back and my neck.
00:47:30.000
But I was in so much pain that I was just grinding my teeth.
00:47:36.000
He takes me to an orthopedic surgeon, to this office.
00:47:41.000
And when I wheel into the office, that guy goes, what the fuck are you doing here, man?
00:47:46.000
He goes, you need to go to the hospital right now.
00:47:52.000
He goes, I just saw the x-rays from last night.
00:47:55.000
He goes, I mean, just go right now immediately to the emergency room.
00:48:00.000
He tells me, you know, this is going to be easy to fix.
00:48:07.000
And it'll suck for a bit to wait and everything, but just go.
00:48:11.000
So then I go to Cedars in LA and then, you know, you have to wait and we get into like the fast track and Bert, you know, is with me.
00:48:20.000
And then eventually I get into a room later that day and then two days later I have surgery.
00:48:30.000
So what do they do with you for those two days?
00:48:32.000
It was like, I mean, they were pumping me full of drugs.
00:48:35.000
They rewrapped my arm, so they had to take off the old wrap, the shitty wrap.
00:48:47.000
And then they operated, and then a couple days later I go to a recovery place, like a rehab recovery place, for two weeks.
00:49:01.000
The two days of waiting was just because they needed operating room time?
00:49:08.000
I ended up getting one of the best trauma surgeons.
00:49:14.000
This is one of the most sought after trauma surgeons, so I'm so lucky to get him.
00:49:19.000
And I tell him, he's like, tell me what happened.
00:49:21.000
I tell him, and I tell him I left that hospital.
00:49:24.000
He goes, that is crazy, but that's one of the smartest things you've ever done.
00:49:30.000
He was like, that was really, really smart of you to do.
00:49:34.000
Yeah, he goes, you know, because it was basically like, these two operations are major operations.
00:50:13.000
And I still have, like, radial nerve damage, you know?
00:50:18.000
So it's going to take, like, they said up to 16, 18 months.
00:50:25.000
Like, I couldn't pull my wrist up like this before.
00:50:28.000
If I raised my hand, it would just go like that.
00:50:34.000
And I can grip things, but I can't use my extenders.
00:50:51.000
Yeah, because I'm lifting weights like four or five days a week, but it's all light.
00:50:55.000
And I just got permission to do, for like months, it was 15 pounds.
00:51:01.000
He was like, you can only lift 15 pounds in this arm.
00:51:03.000
And then he gave me permission to go up, so I did 20. And if I did rows, I can do like 25, 30. But everything here atrophied, you know?
00:51:11.000
Like, the whole rotator cuff area, much, much weaker.
00:51:19.000
That's not heavy, but then it feels heavy, you know?
00:51:24.000
Like, I can do seated squats holding weight here, but I can't, like, put, you know, weight on my back.
00:51:32.000
But, you know, you do it, like, little by little, and you see the little changes.
00:51:41.000
Yeah, but, like, when this thing was in a straight brace for six weeks, when that thing came off, I mean, you look at my quad, it was just, like...
00:51:50.000
And you put it next to the other one, and you're like, oh my god.
00:51:58.000
I got lucky, and I didn't have any meniscus damage on my right side.
00:52:02.000
So when I did that one, and that was one that I didn't even know it was bad.
00:52:06.000
I was doing jujitsu, and I was in my friend Will's guard, and I was passing his guard, but my leg was sideways, and he extended what's called a lockdown.
00:52:18.000
And basically what it's like is like, you know, your leg wants to go like this, like your arm.
00:52:25.000
It's like he straightened it out, but he straightened it out like up.
00:52:29.000
So it just popped and it just completely snapped like a carrot.
00:52:43.000
And then I moved around a little and I felt it.
00:52:58.000
But then I was home moving some stuff in my office and it just went bloop.
00:53:06.000
And then I'd already done that with my left knee.
00:53:21.000
That was crazy because that one was a cadaver graft.
00:53:29.000
Whereas my left side, they use a patella tendon graft where they take a slice of your patella tendon with a piece of your shin bone and a piece of your patella kneecap.
00:53:38.000
And then they open you up like a fish and screw it and And that's your new ACL. And then your body re-proliferates, those tendons, the blood flow and everything starts getting, and it takes a long time.
00:53:50.000
It took about a year for this one to feel mostly normal.
00:53:56.000
The right knee, rather, I went to a party with just a brace on, like, a couple weeks later.
00:54:12.000
But the thing was, like, my active rehab, I went into rehabilitation right away because I knew that your knee gets real tight and that you have to make sure that you go through the full range of motion as quickly as possible.
00:54:24.000
So I was doing bodyweight squats in a steam shower, like, right away.
00:54:30.000
Because I knew I could hold myself up with my left leg, mostly, and put some strain on it.
00:54:35.000
But what I was basically doing, though, was forcing my knees to bend deep.
00:54:42.000
He goes, if you can take the pain, you can do it.
00:54:44.000
He goes, just don't lift weights and don't put strain on it and hold on to something so you're okay.
00:54:55.000
Which is probably not wise, now that I know what happens.
00:55:02.000
So it's like it takes a long time for those cells.
00:55:06.000
Because what I had is a cadaver Achilles tendon.
00:55:09.000
They take Achilles tendon out of a dead guy, which is a bigger, fatter ligament.
00:55:13.000
And it said it's 150% stronger than your regular ACL. Sure.
00:55:19.000
And then they stick it in there, and then your body re-proliferates it with your own tissue.
00:55:23.000
So it sort of acts as a scaffolding for your body to eventually re-take it over.
00:55:33.000
They told me, they're like, this patellar tendon, they're like, that is a fucked up one.
00:55:42.000
I mean, it's like a peg for the time that it's in the straight...
00:55:47.000
And then when you get the straight brace off, you bend it like minimally to start, you know?
00:55:52.000
Do you think that you blew it out when you did that thing where you were jumping up in your office?
00:56:09.000
And we, you know, I was running around and shooting, jumping, like, normal basketball.
00:56:20.000
You know, the whole thing is that the experience becomes, like, so intense.
00:56:24.000
And I don't think, like, I can communicate it to people Fully who haven't either experienced it or the only people who like totally get it, like the intensity of the experience and how it affects you are the PTs.
00:56:38.000
They work with, you know, orthopedic injuries every day.
00:56:41.000
Like they know that it affects you like physically, mentally, and emotionally.
00:56:46.000
Yeah, so you have a full year and a half really before your left eye is right.
00:56:50.000
I mean, they told me that, you know, they're like that leg, they go consider that a year.
00:56:54.000
Like a year before it's what you were used to before.
00:56:57.000
The arm, it's like, they go, they've seen the nerve stuff, because your nerve regenerates at one millimeter a day.
00:57:06.000
So I don't have a damn, I don't have like a cut nerve, but they're like, one millimeter a day is, you know, it's really, really small.
00:57:13.000
So they're like, yeah, we've seen people recover in four months from their radial nerve stuff, and then we've seen people take like 18 months.
00:57:22.000
Now, did you look into peptides or anything else?
00:57:42.000
And, you know, the truth is, I don't know what effect the peptides have.
00:57:48.000
And I religiously, like, I follow that schedule.
00:57:51.000
But to me, it all feels like part of kind of the ritual of rehab.
00:57:55.000
So, like, it's dieting, it's exercise, peptide, like, all that is part of the recovery.
00:58:02.000
And are you doing the rehab through a physical therapist?
00:58:07.000
We were at three days a week, then we went down to two, and then like now, I don't really need, I don't need rehab anymore on my leg.
00:58:15.000
I mean, I need to work out and get it stronger, which I do, but I don't need her to rehab it.
00:58:22.000
But she's been doing some of my, like, shoulder arm stuff, working on this.
00:58:29.000
But the leg is pretty much like, just get it stronger now.
00:58:31.000
Yeah, you just look normal when you're walking around.
00:58:43.000
Dude, they take that tendon and basically drill the hole back into your patella and extend the tendon and drill it back into the patella at the top, where it connects to your patella.
00:58:59.000
So it's real tender there for the first couple months.
00:59:12.000
I put on a sleeve when I do cardio or any type of weight stuff.
00:59:19.000
And cardio, you're talking like bike or something?
00:59:22.000
So I do like 45 to 60 minutes on the elliptical.
00:59:33.000
Sometimes I'll grab weights and pull it up and you'll just feel like a weird shooting pain, you know?
00:59:57.000
But these are fighters, so they're probably getting their arm kicked and shit.
01:00:04.000
They basically just take a tube and move it and put it somewhere, like attach it to another part, that in a certain percentage of cases, the tube on its own goes back to where it was and reattaches it.
01:00:20.000
He goes, I didn't believe it when I was in med school until I saw it in practice.
01:00:26.000
The actual tube that we surgically put somewhere else reattaches itself to where it was.
01:00:46.000
Have you ever seen neurons in a lab seek each other out?
01:00:54.000
It's a time-lapse video of these neurons that are in a Petri dish, and they just start seeking each other out, and then they make connections with each other.
01:01:16.000
Look at how these things move towards each other.
01:01:22.000
And looking at that made me think about skills.
01:01:25.000
It made me think about someone, say, that plays a piano or something like that.
01:01:35.000
There's no way you can move the way a talented pianist has these things in their hands.
01:01:46.000
That and I just, I kept walking by my kid doing his piano lesson.
01:02:02.000
You know the best part is that she was like, what do you want to play?
01:02:05.000
I was like, are we going to go through, like, this is C major.
01:02:08.000
Like, you know, I figured we'd start like that.
01:02:09.000
And she was like, no, just tell me the music you want to play.
01:02:14.000
But the funny thing is, like, you're talking about that.
01:02:34.000
I was like, I can't believe you can just do that.
01:02:37.000
Yeah, there's things that, like, that's why I never understand when people say I'm bored.
01:02:42.000
Like, there's so many things I wish I could do.
01:02:46.000
I can't go down, like, a guitar playing rabbit hole.
01:02:54.000
And I'll sing some cringey song and everybody will get mad at me.
01:03:02.000
Well, that's the other thing about musicians, too.
01:03:07.000
Like, you remember the movie, not that I don't now, but when I was coming up as a comic, I remember watching that movie Mo' Betta Blues.
01:03:14.000
And Denzel Washington's girlfriends were all trying to fuck him, and he's like, no, no, no, I gotta practice.
01:03:19.000
And I'm like, man, I wish I had that kind of...
01:03:28.000
Where you're like, I'm listening to my set right now and I need to make notes.
01:03:35.000
Comics, we're just not, in general, not that disciplined about preparation.
01:03:42.000
And there also is, like, there's, like, almost a need to have a certain level of laziness, fuck-offness.
01:03:59.000
But there's also these moments that he creates on stage you're not going to create by fabricating each line individually.
01:04:07.000
There's other people that are better joke writers, but there's not a person who's funnier.
01:04:12.000
Right, or like a more captivating, engaging storyteller.
01:04:16.000
When the moment hits, like when the moment's there, and he captures it, ba-binga!
01:04:21.000
You know, it's like he's got that thing, and I don't think you get that thing if you're like...
01:04:26.000
He did that set that I told you about, like in Miami, on a thousand milligrams.
01:04:48.000
We were on a plane once and he had a panic attack.
01:04:51.000
And then when he came out of it, he told me, he goes, Joe Rogan, I was having a panic attack.
01:04:58.000
If you're gonna walk on ice, you might as well dance.
01:05:00.000
He takes two more and throws them down his throat.
01:05:08.000
I mean, see, I thought that he didn't get them.
01:05:13.000
And he was like, no, I had three on the flight.
01:05:14.000
Like, you had three panic attacks on the flight?
01:05:16.000
And then we got off and he was like, let's smoke this joint.
01:05:23.000
I remember one time I gave you a breast strip on a flight.
01:05:50.000
He's just not a problem, not a care in the world.
01:05:59.000
Yeah, I mean, I've been eating edibles every fucking day for a year.
01:06:04.000
Save for two weeks when I was eating oxys and having Dilaudid shot in my neck.
01:06:08.000
So you're doing them at night before you go to bed?
01:06:10.000
And I got to tell you, after a year, a low dose still gets me going.
01:06:17.000
I mean, I'm literally eating them all the time, and I don't feel a big increase in tolerance.
01:06:26.000
Maybe it's because you're doing a low dose, like 10s and 20s.
01:06:30.000
But I've gone deeper and fucking geeked the fuck out, man.
01:06:34.000
Like, I've been like, ah, I'm gonna drink 50 tonight.
01:06:39.000
The most often I was doing edibles was when I was doing Fear Factor.
01:06:44.000
Because I would take these pot lollipops, and the whole crew knew, like, when I was taking pot, well, if I have a lollipop in my mouth, they knew I was getting fucked up.
01:06:53.000
Because it was the only way I could be interested in what was happening.
01:07:02.000
Like sometimes you would do a set, like they would set up a stunt and someone would come in and they would do it, whatever it was, and then they had to reset for the next person and it was several hours.
01:07:14.000
So we would be there for like, you know, 10 hours for three or four people.
01:07:28.000
And one, you'd be just like on the verge of entering into the nearby dimension.
01:07:42.000
And I took one and got on the BART. And we were all together.
01:07:45.000
We were staying in Oakland and filming in Oakland, staying in San Francisco, I think.
01:08:08.000
And I had this distinct impression that people that I was talking to, that I was looking at a two-dimensional cutout, like a two-dimensional projection of what I normally saw, but then I could see their soul,
01:08:28.000
And then eventually sliding back into their two-dimensional frame.
01:08:32.000
I could see part of them that was not always visible.
01:08:45.000
And they're like, because we're under the ocean.
01:08:50.000
So here I am with all these two-dimensional creatures with their souls peeking at me from the sides.
01:08:57.000
And then my ears are popping because we're under the ocean.
01:09:03.000
And I'm like, this is a place where there's earthquakes.
01:09:09.000
And you can't get those thoughts out of your head.
01:09:11.000
Those thoughts are starting to go in your head like we're under the ocean right now.
01:09:16.000
Speaking of a city that's super fucked, San Francisco, I have friends that have moved out of there.
01:09:23.000
Elon told me that 12 of his friends have been assaulted and robbed.
01:09:28.000
Tech people just wandering around San Francisco.
01:09:41.000
They said that contrary to popular belief, suicides are actually down.
01:09:50.000
Because I know they're up in LA. I know they were up at least from an anecdotal standpoint by this one guy who's Swartzen's friend who's a sheriff.
01:10:01.000
There was a news piece last night that adolescent suicides are up.
01:10:05.000
That's a big issue with a friend of mine who lives in Vegas.
01:10:09.000
Their high school reopened in person because so many kids were killing themselves.
01:10:18.000
So I don't know, when I read something about suicides being lower, I'm like, how is that?
01:10:25.000
The insider, the rate of U.S. suicides dropped sharply during the pandemic, the largest decline in four years.
01:10:34.000
Yeah, I would think the opposite would for sure be true.
01:10:40.000
Can you pull that article back up so I can read some of it?
01:10:46.000
Because the problem is, like, who the fuck's writing this, you know?
01:10:49.000
Rates of suicide dropped in 2020, reaching a new low point for the first time since 2015. Early government data...
01:10:57.000
Shows that 2020 suicides fell almost 6% compared to the year before.
01:11:04.000
It's unclear why suicides were less common in a pandemic year, but explain...
01:11:09.000
Experts believe that the early days of COVID-19 brought out a sense of solidarity, the fuck out of here, akin to what we see during a war or a hurricane.
01:11:17.000
Yeah, the early days, that shit went away after a few months.
01:11:22.000
Have you ever read how many gun suicides there are?
01:11:31.000
Yeah, yeah, so when they say, like, gun deaths, they don't always break that down.
01:11:35.000
It's like, if the number's like 30-some thousand, there'll be like 12,000 gun suicides.
01:11:47.000
Yeah, it's like when someone hangs himself, that's when you're like...
01:11:50.000
You know, a kid I went to college with, his uncle shot himself with a shotgun and didn't die.
01:12:08.000
And he was like, yeah, he's definitely affected by it, but didn't die.
01:12:17.000
Did you hear about that Ohio State player that got shot in the face before the season started and played like two weeks later?
01:12:23.000
I just saw two crazy football stories that Travis Rudolph, who was like, man, this FSU player, who he went viral a few years ago, this photo of him having lunch with an autistic kid when he visited a high school.
01:12:37.000
He just murdered a couple people and shot like four other people.
01:12:40.000
And this other player, I think he played at South Carolina for the 49ers, he killed like five people yesterday.
01:12:51.000
I think the five people were like his family members too, right?
01:12:54.000
Yeah, but I mean, that's fucking, yeah, separate stories.
01:12:57.000
But like, they both happen like the same day or a day apart.
01:13:05.000
That is one of the weirdest things that happens to people because it changes who you are.
01:13:14.000
Like some people, like for fighters, for instance, like George St. Pierre was here the other day.
01:13:23.000
He's speaking a different language too, by the way, right?
01:13:26.000
But he's talking to you perfect in English about his life.
01:13:34.000
Like, maybe he'll have the effects of CTE later in his life, but hopefully they'll have some sort of therapies that'll prevent that.
01:13:41.000
But in terms of, like, every day-to-day, the guy's super friendly, real happy, real healthy in terms of, like, he's constantly exercising and training, and he looks great.
01:13:58.000
I was reading about this one guy who fought in the UFC in the early 2000s and was never really a contender.
01:14:08.000
I think maybe he had like four or five fights in the UFC and he's fucked.
01:14:13.000
He doesn't know what he's doing in the middle of doing it.
01:14:24.000
There can be a guy that played 15 seasons and is fine, and you're like, you're okay.
01:14:31.000
Yeah, 10, 11 seasons as a fullback or bashing heads every play, and the guy's like, Fine.
01:14:37.000
And then a guy who played three seasons whose car keys, not knowing where he's going, it's not consistent, you know?
01:14:50.000
It's really, I mean, head trauma is really fucking scary.
01:14:53.000
It's one of the things that happens to football players, in particular it seems to happen, but I'm sure it happens to fighters too, is they get really violent.
01:15:02.000
Not just violent like a regular, you know, it's a fucking violent sport.
01:15:06.000
Neil Brennan had a great bit about that, when a football player would beat somebody's ass outside of football.
01:15:12.000
He's like, oh, so he just did football where you're not supposed to do football.
01:15:41.000
Francis Ngannou is 265, built like a superhero.
01:15:46.000
There's guys that are 100 pounds larger than him playing in the NFL. Oh yeah.
01:15:58.000
And that 350 pound dude squats 650 and benches 500 and they just fucking inject him with fucking, you know, horse cum.
01:16:10.000
Horse cum every day and they're like, kill dude, kill that guy.
01:16:16.000
And they give him like a $58 million contract and the guy's like, Fuck yeah, I'll do this.
01:16:37.000
He's got a big fight coming up soon against Tai Tuivasa, who's a badass dude from...
01:16:52.000
But I want to say Australia for a reason, but I don't think I'm right.
01:17:13.000
And Greg Hardy is, like, he's got power, and he's a super athlete.
01:17:22.000
Like, you know, he's at the top of the weight class, so he's weighing in about 265. Yeah.
01:17:28.000
Real knockout power, and just sort of learning how to fight.
01:17:34.000
Oh, he was dominant for a minute in the NFL. Like, dominant.
01:17:39.000
He fought this guy, Alexander Volkov, who was a champion of Bellator, who's this really tall beast of a fighter, like really good fucking guy.
01:17:48.000
He just stopped Aleister over him, and Greg Hardy went the distance.
01:17:54.000
I mean, you know better than anyone, but that transition does not always make sense.
01:18:01.000
He fought this one guy, and he got taken down and dominated on the ground.
01:18:14.000
And he got taken down and smashed on the ground.
01:18:17.000
But I just don't think you could have all the skills in that shorter period of time.
01:18:23.000
And a guy like him probably had some experience punching mitts or hitting the heavy bag or something like that before he became a fighter.
01:18:34.000
A big guy who's a good athlete, straightforward stuff like how to throw punches and how to move your head and keep your hands up when you punch.
01:18:42.000
The mechanics of that are so different than grappling.
01:18:53.000
And when this happens, you have to have this encyclopedia of information just to figure out how to be safe on the bottom.
01:19:07.000
And that's when you see the lifelong training where it becomes, you know, the kid's been wrestling since he was like eight or something.
01:19:15.000
You can't jump in at 30 and start having that same type of awareness.
01:19:23.000
And that's the thing you see in MMA. These guys are like these elite, top of the food chain wrestlers.
01:19:33.000
I mean, the power of the punching is its own thing.
01:19:37.000
You see who prefers a stand-up game, but once it goes to the ground, you're like, oh man, this is a whole other beast.
01:19:44.000
Incorporating the two things is what makes it amazing, but...
01:19:48.000
Yeah, I feel like a guy like Hardy would probably thrive more in the stand-up aspect of it, right?
01:20:00.000
If you're used to fucking people up in football, fucking people up with your hands and your feet is just a new way to fuck people up.
01:20:14.000
And also, they're running at each other, which is so counterintuitive for a fighter.
01:20:19.000
You want to get the fuck away from someone when they're doing something like that.
01:20:24.000
I think I've said this to you before, but every time I watch a knockout, And then they land the one extra punch.
01:20:34.000
When the guy's out, and the guy's in the moment of a fight, but he just drops one more hammer on an unconscious person.
01:20:46.000
I mean, Stipe was out cold, and Francis just comes down from death from above.
01:20:56.000
It was one of those things where after the first moments of the first round, you're like, oh, Stipe's in trouble.
01:21:04.000
Yeah, he was in trouble because Francis was really calm and he was pacing himself.
01:21:09.000
And he had Kamaru Usman, who's the welterweight champion, in his corner saying, Stay calm, calm, calm.
01:21:17.000
And so that was their whole key to not just implementing the game plan as far as tactics, because they had that down too.
01:21:28.000
Everything was great, but also they had this idea of keeping him calm.
01:21:35.000
For him to be calm, yeah, that's what he had to concentrate on.
01:21:39.000
But when he was doing that, DC said it best, he was like, calm Francis is fucking scary.
01:21:49.000
For MMA, because there's a weight limit, there's a 265 pound weight limit for the heavyweight division, which doesn't make any sense.
01:22:01.000
No one's ever fought in it in the UFC. It doesn't exist.
01:22:09.000
If you looked at the lab of nature, in terms of if you want to be a 265-pound athlete, it's perfect because he's not too bulky.
01:22:17.000
He's not like a short, stocky guy, like a 6-foot, 265-pound guy.
01:22:25.000
So he's got all these long, he's really muscular, but he's rangy.
01:22:29.000
And he's losing a little bit of weight to get down to 265. So he really weighs like 275. Oh my god.
01:22:40.000
Like, Stipe was already fucked after the first round.
01:22:42.000
He was rattled, and then he'd get caught with a jab in the second round and dropped.
01:22:47.000
And then Stipe tried to fire back at Francis, and then he ran into that left hook.
01:22:53.000
Oh my god, I just saw a highlight that you called of, I think it was Evans, where they punch at the same time, Rashad Evans.
01:23:03.000
And Chuck's is like right here, like about to connect.
01:23:17.000
Chuck was still this, like, super dangerous knockout puncher.
01:23:21.000
He knew that Chuck had, like, this tendency to keep his chin straight up.
01:23:26.000
For most of his early career was so tough that he would literally invite guys to punch him.
01:23:36.000
But once the firefight started happening, he would rely on his chin because his chin was granite.
01:23:42.000
Guys would catch him and he would just fucking boom!
01:23:45.000
I remember going to one fight one time where it was Cowboy versus...
01:23:53.000
Yeah, but whoever he was fighting, who was a fucking animal, was just teeing off on him.
01:23:59.000
And I was like, how is this guy still standing?
01:24:18.000
They were trading punches, but I was like, how are their brains still operating?
01:24:24.000
Big Country has one of the craziest chins of all time.
01:24:27.000
I have a photo memory of that playing in my head where I was like, how's he not knocked out?
01:24:33.000
Yeah, Big Country, he could take a shot like no one else.
01:24:37.000
Up until a certain amount of time in his career, then eventually everybody starts, your chin just falls apart.
01:24:47.000
And you know, he's a really elite black belt on the ground.
01:25:05.000
Yeah, he was a really well-respected black belt.
01:25:09.000
Just big, country-strong, stocky, but very smart in terms of technique and strategy.
01:25:18.000
But then when he got into MMA, he became a brawler.
01:25:29.000
And they can just fucking swing, and then if you get hit, you're fucked.
01:25:39.000
It depends on whether or not the UFC makes this Jon Jones fight happen.
01:25:54.000
I liked his strategy for being like, give me the fucking money.
01:26:04.000
See, if you look at what the potential is, I think the potential is the biggest fight of all time.
01:26:11.000
So if they limited his amount that he could earn, not based on the potential of the fight, I don't think that's a good deal for him.
01:26:22.000
And he kind of feels like that his whole career.
01:26:25.000
He's basically gotten good paydays, but they could have been better.
01:26:48.000
So he's 33. He'll probably be 34 by the time the fight happens.
01:26:52.000
If everything goes according to plan, this should be...
01:27:13.000
I just think it's the biggest fight in the history of the sport.
01:27:17.000
Because you've got the greatest light heavyweight of all time.
01:27:19.000
Arguably the greatest mixed martial artist fighter of all time.
01:27:25.000
Undefeated streak that I've been on this one division where I've dominated every fucking person.
01:27:38.000
The Dominic Reyes fight was a very close fight.
01:27:40.000
Didn't he have a close one with the Swede, too?
01:27:44.000
Gustafsson, that was early on, though, and he dominated him in the rematch.
01:27:49.000
That was a fight he literally didn't train for.
01:27:51.000
You just gotta think John was just such a partier and so crazy and so wild.
01:28:15.000
Opens up the fight with a flying knee to the face.
01:28:24.000
You're going to be trying to be defensively responsible.
01:28:33.000
Just beat the shit out of him and eventually stopped him and became the youngest UFC champion of all time.
01:28:40.000
And no doubt, unquestionably, the greatest light heavyweight of all time, and arguably the greatest overall mixed martial arts fighter of all time.
01:28:53.000
Anderson Silva, when he was in his prime, was a good argument for the GOAT. But it's like, if you just look at the overall body of work, what John has accomplished...
01:29:06.000
It's by disqualification in a fight that he was absolutely dominating.
01:29:13.000
Khabib, but Khabib ended much fewer title defenses.
01:29:22.000
But arguably a more dominant career in retrospect because he never really lost...
01:29:31.000
I mean, maybe a couple of rounds you could give to other guys, but there weren't, like, rounds where he's getting his ass kicked.
01:29:39.000
There was rounds where maybe he coasted, or maybe he, you know, fought technically and maybe came up short.
01:29:46.000
But he didn't say, like, that round he got his ass kicked.
01:29:56.000
There's a few guys that made the decision, but you look at what he's done as a champion, he's incredibly dominant.
01:30:08.000
That guy drives a Toyota truck, and he lives in the same house.
01:30:17.000
When he won, they had a video footage of the street when he beat Conor.
01:30:24.000
And people were going nuts, honking their horns.
01:30:39.000
I mean, he could be the president of Dagestan if you wanted to.
01:30:47.000
So he's the only other guy that's currently active that is in...
01:30:52.000
See, the problem with the greatest of all time, it's like, well...
01:30:55.000
George St. Pierre said the greatest of all time is Horace Gracie.
01:30:57.000
He only points to the fact that, look, if you look at what that guy did when he did it and what impact it had on the sport, I think he's the greatest of all time.
01:31:06.000
Because nobody else even knew what the fuck was going on back then when it came to ground fighting.
01:31:11.000
And this guy comes out of nowhere, out of Rio de Janeiro, and submits the fuck out of every living human.
01:31:17.000
That whole goat thing, though, it is always subjective.
01:31:21.000
And the truth is, no matter how much you cite stats or anything, if two people in their prime never face each other, you really just don't know.
01:31:32.000
The most probably popular goat argument is Jordan and LeBron, you know?
01:31:37.000
And, yeah, everyone's going to have their opinion.
01:31:42.000
Probably first in their prime is who you're always going to be drawn towards.
01:32:03.000
That was the thing about Anderson Silva that I'm talking about.
01:32:06.000
Because Anderson, people remember him towards the end of his career when he lost a lot of fights.
01:32:18.000
You see him lose up until the time he gets knocked out by Uriah Hall and then retires or gets kicked out of the UFC. I don't know what...
01:32:25.000
I should say released by the UFC. So now he's going to fight Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. in a boxing match.
01:32:37.000
Yeah, that boxing thing really has become, you know, I guess people see the paydays, obviously, and there is always a thrill to see people throw punches at each other.
01:32:51.000
It's like a foot race, where you're like, let's see who's faster.
01:32:56.000
You want to race down the street, see who runs faster?
01:33:03.000
Seeing that Robinson-Jake Paul thing, it was so clear that Jake had trained and boxed more.
01:33:13.000
Like, when you're seeing the two of them, and that Nate was, like, super nervous and just running in, and you go, like, oh, this is a lack of experience with boxing, and he's not a boxer.
01:33:24.000
I don't know how many of those types of things people will want to see.
01:33:30.000
There will always be some draw to be like, I want to see someone get punched.
01:33:38.000
You definitely would, but these guys, they've figured out something really brilliant.
01:33:51.000
Talks a lot of shit, gets a lot of people angry, gets a lot of people to hate him, and then does these big-ass pay-per-views.
01:33:59.000
That's like borrowing, honestly, from the pro wrestling world, right?
01:34:03.000
Like, you ain't shit, and I could fucking kill you any time.
01:34:10.000
And the next thing you know, people are paying shit tons of money to watch him knock out a basketball player that had no business doing that.
01:34:16.000
Yeah, and honestly, you know who's always good at being that villain, too, was Floyd.
01:34:26.000
Well, that's part of his thing is getting people mad at him.
01:34:30.000
And then there's people that love it and some people that hate it, but they're all tuning in.
01:34:35.000
If you go back and watch the early days of Floyd's career when he was Pretty Boy Floyd, he was a knockout artist.
01:34:43.000
And then as he got older and more skillful, then he became Money Mayweather.
01:34:47.000
And when he became Money Mayweather, he's winning these fights, quite a few of them by decision.
01:34:51.000
But when he's doing that, the way he's getting people hyped up is by talking a lot of shit and getting them to hate him.
01:35:01.000
Because he's the most defensively sound boxer of all time.
01:35:10.000
You see him today, like, guy's got no problem talking.
01:35:19.000
Not that Conor McGregor didn't test him, but it's like, come on, man.
01:35:22.000
You got a guy with zero professional fights taking on literally the greatest boxer of all time.
01:35:36.000
And you look at, like, one thing you would never tell anybody to do in boxing is, like, box with your lead hand down by your waist.
01:35:47.000
You have to be so skilled to do the way he did it.
01:35:52.000
You would definitely not teach them that as a beginning move.
01:36:04.000
Yeah, boxing is not a thing that I would ever encourage anybody to do because if you don't do it right as you're learning, you're gonna get fucked.
01:36:21.000
It was just enough to let me know that I don't want to do it again, you know?
01:36:25.000
I mean, it was actually, I can't say it was a bad experience.
01:36:28.000
But, you know, I mean, I got in some shots, I took some, and I was like, you know, I don't need to do this.
01:37:09.000
Like, he told me he would train for a special, like he was training for a fight.
01:37:14.000
Yeah, he would just be putting in miles and just constantly working out.
01:37:19.000
Also, the balance out, the overeating and all the fucking standard comedian shit.
01:37:30.000
Yeah, we're talking about a long time ago that he was doing this.
01:37:50.000
Yeah, I think this is like from 2008. This is, I think, from when he was telling me he was sparring.
01:37:55.000
So yeah, he's in there like really duking it up.
01:38:01.000
That's hilarious that some guy put on a SpongeBob SquarePants costume on to beat him up.
01:38:08.000
I was talking about how, you know, all dudes think that there's the four things that they think they can do that they are probably not even marginally good at.
01:38:31.000
And then you have experiences like the sparring.
01:38:33.000
And you're like, oh, this is not what I thought it was.
01:38:40.000
Driving is a fun one to experience that I didn't know how skilled drivers are until I did a private track experience.
01:38:51.000
And I was like, oh, I don't know what I'm doing.
01:38:56.000
And then having these great pro instructors, you're like, oh, these guys really know how to push this machine.
01:39:06.000
If you've driven on public roads your whole life, you're like, I'm a good driver.
01:39:26.000
They go around corners sideways, and they're controlling the slide.
01:39:32.000
I've been in a car with Matt where he's like, I've got to turn all this traction and fucking stability off.
01:39:37.000
Yeah, I'm like, I'll go flying off this fucking cliff, man.
01:39:45.000
There's an intuitive part of it, and there's your natural skills, but once you have a pro driver show you what's up, it's like, oh my god.
01:39:53.000
Same thing, people are like, my friend's funny, and you're like, just hold on a second.
01:39:57.000
And then the fighting, and then the fucking thing, who knows?
01:40:01.000
When you ever hear somebody brag that they're good at sex, I'm like, okay, cool, man.
01:40:09.000
A lot of guys pretend they're good at basketball, and it turns out they're not.
01:40:18.000
But isn't that one, like, that basketball is a macho thing?
01:40:21.000
The funniest thing is that guys with, like, decent skills will think they're other level.
01:40:30.000
But with basketball, people will think they're pretty nice on their local public park that you can play in the NBA. You have no idea how unbelievable NBA players are.
01:40:44.000
These are the best 400 basketball players in the world.
01:41:00.000
He's a really big white guy, three-point shooter.
01:41:04.000
People would make fun of him because he's a typical player.
01:41:13.000
And this high school kid, who was a big high school kid, tells him that he can beat him.
01:42:10.000
Do you remember that time that Jordan did that when he was retired to an active player?
01:42:28.000
And it was a guy on the Bulls who was like, he was like, you know, Mike, whatever, I could take him or I could be a one-on-one.
01:42:44.000
Have you heard the Kevin Garnett, JR Ryder one?
01:42:51.000
Where Kevin Garnett was a rookie, and JR Ryder is guarding Jordan, and I think they're playing in...
01:43:01.000
Yeah, it's in Chicago, and Garnett and Ryder are having a good game, and it's like third quarter, and Garnett says he just starts to feel himself.
01:43:15.000
Like, nah, he ain't shit, but like, you know, we're taking it to Mike.
01:43:19.000
And J.R. Ryder was like, man, I told him, like, we don't do that shit, man.
01:43:25.000
And then he said that in the fourth quarter, he was like, I gotta guard him.
01:43:35.000
And then Jordan went into the fourth quarter with like, he had 18 points, and he finished with 40. Like, in the fourth quarter, he just was like, fuck you.
01:43:43.000
And then he goes, yeah, he didn't know any better, man.
01:43:46.000
He didn't know that we don't talk to Mike like that.
01:43:56.000
That's the thing, the stories are all pretty similar.
01:44:00.000
There's one moment where things were cool, and then he turned into a psychopath on the basketball court.
01:44:17.000
You don't get to be a Michael Jordan by being a so-so competitor.
01:44:22.000
That's that moment at the end of that documentary where he's like, he breaks down crying.
01:44:27.000
Where he's like, if you don't want to be like that, get the fuck out of here, basically.
01:44:31.000
He's like, how many rings do you fucking have, you know?
01:44:41.000
There was that Phil Jackson quote where people always ask him about Jordan and Kobe, you know, because he coached both.
01:44:49.000
And he goes, Kobe had to beat you at basketball and Jordan had to beat you at everything.
01:45:01.000
Even in that last dance thing, which was phenomenal, when he went to the front of the plane, on the team plane, and one of the guys that doesn't play much, he was playing for money, and he was like, what are you doing?
01:45:18.000
He's like, because you'll know that I have your money in my pocket.
01:45:31.000
He used to run a celebrity pool tournament in Chicago.
01:45:40.000
But he would play pool in like this We're good to go.
01:46:02.000
Every time I hear a good story about him talking shit, because they said it's just phenomenal.
01:46:08.000
That Muggsy Bogues he guard, when they, shoot the ball, you fucking midget, the Muggsy Bogues.
01:46:23.000
You have to be like, to achieve that level, to be like those multiple championships in the sports, you're not a normal guy.
01:46:32.000
I forget who was talking about it, but they played in that pool tournament with him, and they said that they beat him, and he wouldn't talk to them for weeks.
01:46:39.000
He just wouldn't talk to you, just angry at you, just couldn't wait to play you again.
01:46:51.000
See, he's dressed normal in that one, or dressed more casual.
01:46:56.000
That was back before they figured out stretch jeans.
01:47:02.000
He is the richest man with the weirdest wardrobe.
01:47:06.000
Have you ever seen What the Fuck is Mike Wearing?
01:47:17.000
Because everyone's like, wait, don't you have money?
01:47:19.000
I think that's the same day right here, that outfit.
01:48:17.000
The shoe industry for basketball players is enormous, right?
01:48:42.000
His royalties per year, for a guy who's not playing for Air Jordan stuff, it's like $60 to $100 million a year just on...
01:48:56.000
When you're a guy like that, who's not even playing the game anymore, and you're making $100 million a year, like, what are you spending on?
01:49:01.000
I mean, he bought a fucking NBA team, and then he, like, builds golf courses, like, for fun.
01:49:07.000
Like, he just, you know, he has resorts and shit now.
01:49:15.000
Wouldn't you get bored after a while doing shit like that?
01:49:17.000
Well, you see that, like, everybody usually, like, at that level does, like, kind of the same.
01:49:34.000
I guess the thing to do, it seems like, is at least invest in things that are of interest to you, which seems like what he did, you know?
01:49:47.000
He does, and I heard that what he'll do is, like, if we were all on the golf course together, he'll bet with each of us differently based on what he knows what kind of money we have.
01:49:58.000
Like, he'd be like, I'll bet you $100 a hole, you $1,000, and you $10,000 a hole.
01:50:02.000
So everybody has different bets going with him of different amounts.
01:50:09.000
Like when the round is over, he's like, you owe me $70,000.
01:50:16.000
But didn't he have an issue where he didn't pay his gambling debt?
01:50:20.000
There's a guy who did an article for GQ or something like that.
01:50:24.000
There's articles and there's books written about it.
01:50:27.000
There was always that theory that when he was playing baseball that it was an under-the-table suspension by the NBA for his gambling.
01:50:44.000
People were like, how does the fucking greatest...
01:50:47.000
Basketball player ever just be like, I'm gonna go play baseball.
01:50:50.000
Because there was the truth, like, there was the story, of course, that his dad had been murdered and how it affected him, and they had their bond over baseball, but a lot of people said that it was him serving a kind of quiet suspension, you know?
01:51:10.000
Right, but it was one baseball season, I think, yeah.
01:51:18.000
Yeah, it was part of the movie was him being on the baseball team.
01:51:26.000
I mean, in that doc they show you, that coach was like, man, for a guy who had been playing basketball, he was pretty fucking good at baseball, man.
01:51:36.000
The first time, first season playing minor league baseball, he was not bad.
01:51:43.000
And he probably would have eventually gotten to a real...
01:51:48.000
I mean, incredible speed, obviously, athleticism.
01:51:57.000
Because he couldn't go right straight into the Major League Baseball.
01:52:02.000
You still needed to work out the skill sets of playing Major League Baseball.
01:52:07.000
He played a little bit when he was younger, right?
01:52:10.000
I know he played as like a kid and in high school and everything.
01:52:16.000
He was obsessed with baseball and golf outside of basketball.
01:52:20.000
Because other than Japan and a couple other countries, it's really not universally adopted.
01:52:25.000
The place that loves baseball is Latin America.
01:52:35.000
I mean, part of it is you start, you go like, you know, the stick and the ball thing, like poor.
01:52:44.000
And also I think some of these places where people, you know, these communities really know each other.
01:52:50.000
Like I did this, these Spanish shows, brought a Puerto Rican comic, and like a whole bunch of Puerto Ricans flew in to watch her do a set, you know?
01:53:05.000
And I think when people in the Caribbean saw Dominican or Cuban players really making it to the big time, it just made it so much bigger in those communities.
01:53:17.000
Because you see them really succeeding at a huge level.
01:53:24.000
Yeah, and there's so many different places, like Dominican Republic, Cuba.
01:53:35.000
It's interesting, it's like that feeds into the American scene, right?
01:53:38.000
Do they have their own major league teams down there?
01:53:42.000
I know that the Dominicans, baseball is huge in the Dominican Republic, but they're all playing to get to the majors.
01:53:50.000
But as far as other countries in Europe, it never caught on.
01:54:01.000
Maybe it's having a few big stars or something.
01:54:14.000
Because in the Philippines, the United States had military bases in the Philippines, and then they brought pool to the Philippines, and the Filipino players became literally the best pool players on Earth.
01:54:28.000
Yeah, I mean, at this point in the game, there's quite a few European players that are really good, and quite a few American players that are really good.
01:54:35.000
But if you ask people pretty universally, you know, you say Michael Jordan is thought of as the greatest...
01:54:42.000
Efren Reyes, who's a Filipino, is pretty widely recognized as the greatest pool player of all time.
01:54:53.000
Basically, it's a similar thing to a Jordan-type argument.
01:54:58.000
Have you watched, man, that Netflix docuseries F1, Drive to Survive?
01:55:05.000
That's one of the best docuseries I've ever seen.
01:55:08.000
There's three seasons where they follow a season of Formula One.
01:55:12.000
And I go into this being like a car enthusiast.
01:55:16.000
But I never followed professional racing of any of them, you know?
01:55:25.000
It's cut and shot in a way that you emotionally invest in people and storylines.
01:55:33.000
You'll see a driver who is on the outs with his team.
01:55:38.000
It's documentary style, but they do it so well that you get emotionally hooked to the story.
01:55:44.000
And at the same time that you're emotionally hooked to like, oh, is this guy going to make the cut?
01:55:51.000
He leaves this team and goes to the other team.
01:55:57.000
At the end of the first episode, you're like, I guess I'm a big fucking Formula One fan.
01:56:03.000
Which, like, the way they cut it, you know, a normal race is like 90 minutes, but in the episode, it might be cut down to, like, three minutes, but it's the most dramatic parts of the race.
01:56:17.000
It's the best version of that type of show that I've ever seen.
01:56:22.000
It's called Formula One Drive to Survive, or F1 Drive to Survive, and it's on Netflix.
01:56:28.000
It has that feel where you're like, this feels like...
01:56:32.000
This was almost designed to get people into the sport, but not in a blatant way.
01:56:41.000
You feel like you're watching something that is just taking place, but at the end of it, you're like, I want to see a race now.
01:57:17.000
But going back to the skill of driving, Jesus Christ, man.
01:57:30.000
Have you ever seen the difference between a GT3 car completing the same circuit and in a Formula 1 car?
01:57:38.000
It's on YouTube and it essentially shows the exact same path being taken by a GT3 car.
01:58:05.000
You know, it's like it's a sophisticated sound.
01:58:07.000
There's a sound that comes from like a rumbling V8, which I'm a meathead, right?
01:58:14.000
But then there's a sound that comes from like a Porsche when it's at like 8,000 RPMs.
01:58:31.000
Those naturally aspirated cars, like, up to, like, 458. That 458?
01:58:38.000
See if you can find a video of exhaust note of Ferrari 458. Oh, it sings, man.
01:58:50.000
Yeah, they're probably staring at someone's ass.
01:59:34.000
But, you know, I understand that they wanted to move to turbos to make them faster and shit like that, but...
01:59:42.000
And apparently those are, like, on high demand now, even more so than 488s, because people want that sound.
01:59:48.000
And the feel, the instantaneous feel of the naturally aspirated engine.
02:00:01.000
You know, I know you have a lot of nice cars, Tommy, and you like the nice cars, but you think, there's another step.
02:00:23.000
Yeah, it's like, fuck, I have a red Ferrari, bitch.
02:00:25.000
Yeah, Greg Fitzsimmons had a great bit I saw him do about guys in a Ferrari.
02:00:31.000
He says something like, I'm paraphrasing, but he's like, I'm at a stoplight.
02:00:35.000
He's like, guys in a Ferrari, they look straight fucking ahead.
02:01:08.000
This is their highest performance production model ever.
02:01:19.000
It looks like it's from another planet, doesn't it?
02:01:29.000
That is a move if you go, oh, I drive this around.
02:01:34.000
You know, it's like if you were a single guy, you're sending a very clear signal.
02:01:51.000
There is that thing, I think, with loving cars where there's cars where you go, oh, I could pull up to a fucking store, a convenience store, in a certain car.
02:02:06.000
And then if I pulled up in that, I would feel ridiculous.
02:02:15.000
I feel like the Porsche thing, I just don't feel like those are as ridiculous.
02:02:23.000
They're kind of ridiculous, but there's another step above Porsche.
02:02:33.000
I mean, the new Roma is like their, you know, like their...
02:02:43.000
That's the A12. Yeah, no, that's after the 488. You're deep in this.
02:02:49.000
Yeah, the 812 is the front engine with the V12. This is their...
02:02:54.000
Oh, so it's like a 911. Yeah, this is kind of, you know...
02:03:01.000
People say the front end looks like an Aston Martin.
02:03:21.000
They make great food, and they make beautiful things, but they're just not...
02:03:25.000
Well, look at that fucking navigation screen, too.
02:03:33.000
They always sounded terrible, and no one cared.
02:03:36.000
The other thing about Ferraris is nobody fixes them up.
02:03:40.000
Nobody takes a Ferrari and customizes it, like Shark Works or that kind of thing.
02:03:45.000
Sure, people do now, but it's not a normal industry.
02:03:49.000
For Porsche, for the beginning of time, there's been an outlaw Porsche industry.
02:03:57.000
Take people like Shark Works, or what was the other company?
02:04:02.000
The company that you were telling me about that puts a 4.5 liter engine in a Boxster.
02:04:09.000
Dude, they do it in the 718. The Cayman and the Boxster.
02:04:17.000
Yeah, I gotta give them a shout out because that is unbelievable.
02:04:21.000
Yeah, and it's such a sick car already because it goes against a lot of what the trends are with modern cars.
02:04:51.000
Probably right around 3,000 or something, yeah.
02:05:02.000
Yeah, they're dusting some poor guy in a GT3 RS. Pretty wild.
02:05:08.000
There's a thing about the Cayman where they always held it back.
02:05:12.000
Porsche did a weird thing where they made the best design.
02:05:20.000
Meet the shop building the 560 horsepower, 4.5 liter Cayman GT4 that Porsche won.
02:05:32.000
But the thing is, Porsche could have done that.
02:05:35.000
Porsche had to make sure that all the 911 owners didn't get pissed.
02:05:44.000
I mean, they basically built this mid-engine mini 911 that people were like, oh, this thing handles insanely well.
02:05:56.000
And then they were like, we just want a little more juice in this thing.
02:06:02.000
They held it back, but then companies like this are like, oh, we'll give you...
02:06:10.000
Every car that I take to the dealership now, they're like, you know there's no warranty on this anymore, right?
02:06:27.000
And it's the only one of those kind of cars you can get that's an actual manual transmission.
02:06:35.000
They didn't offer it before in the PDK, and they do now.
02:06:45.000
The American cars, like the GT500, the Shelby GT500, no more stick.
02:06:54.000
And all the Ferrari Lambos that we all were blown away by as kids, those were all sticks.
02:07:26.000
And then I found a guy who was like, teach manual.
02:07:34.000
And I just, you know, I did like a couple hours.
02:07:38.000
Just so that when it arrived, I would have some idea what I was doing.
02:07:41.000
And then I just drove my M2 out at Willow Springs a couple weeks ago.
02:07:49.000
600. Well, that's a tiny little car too, right?
02:07:55.000
What do you think is bigger, that M2 or like an older, like a 2000 M3? Like a E46? What is bigger?
02:08:06.000
I would think that the, well if it's an older M, I think the M2 would be a little bit smaller, I think.
02:08:16.000
It does handle well, but my favorite are those Caymans.
02:08:28.000
I had a 981 GTS, and I sold it, and I missed it right away.
02:08:36.000
And within a couple weeks, I was like, I fucked up.
02:08:47.000
I was telling Richard yesterday, he was like, what's it like?
02:08:52.000
You feel like you're driving a go-kart, you know?
02:08:56.000
Super low to the ground, really connected, really raw feeling, and so incredibly balanced.
02:09:02.000
It was like the most fun canyon car, you know, in L.A., taking those canyons.
02:09:07.000
Like, late at night, leaving the Comedy Store, go up there.
02:09:22.000
I've driven a few Teslas, and I got to drive a couple Taycans, the Porsche electric cars.
02:09:31.000
I drove the 4S, my dad got a 4S, and then I drove the Turbo S, like their fastest one.
02:09:38.000
At the Porsche driving experience, and the guy was like, pin your head back, bro.
02:09:44.000
Like, pin your head back when you do launch control in this thing.
02:09:56.000
I mean, that's like 0 to 60 in like 2.5 or 2.5.
02:10:24.000
They're calling themselves Tesla's competitor, but it's like a luxury EV. 1,000 horsepower.
02:10:29.000
1,000 horsepower, 500-mile batteries that they're claiming.
02:10:34.000
So they aren't out yet, but they have started showing production as far as I know.
02:10:41.000
Yeah, like, people have been wondering, like, is this vaporware or whatever?
02:10:51.000
Did you ever think about that a guy that rich and powerful, how crazy it is that his phone got hacked?
02:11:06.000
It's the Pegasus software, and it was used by MBS, Saudi Arabia.
02:11:18.000
He clicked on it and downloaded it into his phone.
02:11:21.000
It's all detailed in the movie, The Dissident, Brian Fogel's documentary.
02:11:25.000
Like, doesn't part of you go, it's crazy that something that simple happens to that status person?
02:11:35.000
Yeah, yeah, because in my mind I was like, wouldn't he have a phone that we don't have access to?
02:11:40.000
Yeah, some type of security that we don't even know about?
02:11:48.000
Now I'm sure he's very aware of what could go wrong if you say the wrong thing on a text message.
02:12:01.000
It's an encrypted, peer-to-peer encrypted messaging app.
02:12:04.000
So it's like yours is encrypted coming to me, mine's encrypted coming to you.
02:12:23.000
I downloaded it, and I used it with one or two other people.
02:12:36.000
Signal, you also make phone calls, encrypted phone calls.
02:12:40.000
It's interesting because people are realizing that, like, hey, these big tech companies, like, their access to your stuff through applications, like even iMessage, which is more secure than Android Messages, because Android Messages are what they call SMS,
02:12:55.000
and iMessages is its own thing, and what it does is it goes through a server, and that way it can be on your phone, and you can also get those messages on your iPad or your laptop if you use Apple for those things.
02:13:14.000
Whereas Signal is just on your phone and it goes to your phone and my phone and it doesn't go through anybody else.
02:13:27.000
So important messages, anything, whether it's like financial, anything, you should probably do it through that.
02:13:41.000
There's this one dude that I know is a tech guy who's a very wealthy coder guy, and we were talking about something, and I said, I'll send you this link.
02:13:53.000
He didn't want me to send him a fucked up video on his regular phone.
02:14:00.000
Well, yeah, I mean, you kind of get the sense that you hear about things being leaked.
02:14:09.000
Yeah, yeah, but that was because of Jamal Khashoggi, who was a reporter for the Washington Post, who they wound up murdering.
02:14:23.000
In the documentary, where they explain exactly what- Yeah, because he goes to the Saudi consulate or the embassy in Turkey, right, in Istanbul, and then they fly in a team and fuck him up.
02:14:33.000
Yeah, they knew he was coming, and there's an audio recording, apparently, of it, and it's heavy-duty shit, man.
02:14:48.000
You know, and then- I watched his other one, too, the one from a couple years ago.
02:14:54.000
He was on recently, a couple months ago, talking about The Dissident.
02:14:58.000
He couldn't get anyone to stream The Dissident.
02:15:02.000
All these other streaming services wouldn't take it.
02:15:20.000
And then Jeff Bezos' Amazon is not streaming it.
02:15:40.000
I mean, didn't he lock a bunch of his family members up?
02:15:46.000
And he's, like, supposedly the most progressive of those guys.
02:15:49.000
Because he's in, like, Women Can Drive and all that shit.
02:15:52.000
Yeah, and he's, like, American educated, right?
02:15:55.000
And, yeah, he's, like, the forward thinker, but still ruthless.
02:16:02.000
Imagine you probably have to be ruthless to maintain power in a different environment.
02:16:09.000
You can't have progressive policies and be in the Mongol Empire in 1400 or whatever.
02:16:21.000
And living in a country like that, that's got to affect your mentality.
02:16:27.000
When you know that the people on top will not so quietly handle you and anyone else who gets too far out of line.
02:17:02.000
But that Jack Ma guy, he's one of the best examples.
02:17:32.000
Definitely vanished, and they started taking apart his company.
02:17:36.000
When you think about China, the sheer magnitude of it, and the fact that there's no...
02:17:41.000
There's not open internet or anything like that over there.
02:17:46.000
Huge, and so many people, so many fucking people.
02:17:51.000
You ever see the list of the population by city, and you realize that there's, unless you're well-versed in it, you're like, I've never heard of 10 of these cities, and they each have over 25 million people in them?
02:18:05.000
That's how many people live in China, that there's cities that I'm like, I've never heard that said before, and that has 25 million people living there.
02:18:13.000
Ari's stories about going over there are fucking wild.
02:18:16.000
He said on the mainland that people would just be taking shits in the street and just pull their pants down.
02:18:24.000
In the mall, there's signs that are like, don't shit here.
02:18:27.000
Because people that are from the rural parts are so accustomed to that that they'll go into a shopping center and just take a shit on the floor and keep walking.
02:18:39.000
And so the signs are like, and you can see those signs, they're all over.
02:18:44.000
What do you think the thought process is there?
02:18:46.000
They're like, well, I always shit, you know, and walk when I'm home, I guess.
02:19:05.000
Chinese visitors welcome Disneyland to town by defecating in the bushes.
02:19:12.000
Disneyland Shanghai, just so you don't think it's an American.
02:19:14.000
Is that someone shitting on the concrete right there?
02:19:22.000
I think there's someone hanging out in the park.
02:19:29.000
Disneyland Shanghai readies to open next month.
02:19:32.000
The infrastructure and smaller aspects of the resort have been coming online over the past few weeks.
02:19:36.000
The brand new metro station opened up late April.
02:20:13.000
Children relieving themselves in public has long been an issue for the rapidly urbanizing Chinese.
02:20:18.000
Many rural Chinese still use crotchless pants and no diapers on their children.
02:20:34.000
I like how they're doing that, softening it up.
02:20:44.000
Are you worried about China taking over the world?
02:20:49.000
I've definitely thought about the fact that there's something about China where you feel like it's just a couple incidents away from something really significant happening.
02:21:05.000
You think about our debt and just a conflict away.
02:21:08.000
Not only that- Just agreement away from something really bad that could happen.
02:21:15.000
And also how much real estate is owned by China here?
02:21:19.000
Chinese state and citizens own more of New York than Americans do.
02:21:29.000
New York with the new tax laws, they're so fucked.
02:21:36.000
Don't they know that people are already thinking about moving and are already moving?
02:21:45.000
That's the thing is the pandemic gave you, in a way, types of clarity.
02:21:50.000
Because we sat in it for a while, it really made you think about, why am I here?
02:22:03.000
Whenever we would go on the road, I'd be like, I could live here.
02:22:05.000
Oh, I ask myself that every time I'm in a city.
02:22:11.000
I was always like, I kind of think I should, but you know what?
02:22:14.000
The podcast and the store and everything keeps me there.
02:22:19.000
It took something like the pandemic to make me go, that's it.
02:22:24.000
And then coming here and seeing how they handled it, As opposed to seeing how it was handled in LA, and then also the lower population number.
02:22:32.000
And the thing about, you know, people always, like, really, they latch on to the tax conversation of it.
02:22:38.000
And I always think that, think about, like, I've never been somebody who's opposed to paying whatever taxes are, right?
02:22:45.000
But when you pay, like, a certain tax, like California, the equation that you ask yourself is, does paying this...
02:22:56.000
I'm not opposed to paying it, but do I feel like I'm happy to pay it because I live in this fucking paradise?
02:23:03.000
And that's the thing that you end up going like, oh no, I don't feel like the equation makes sense.
02:23:09.000
I don't see the result of it here, where I go, I'll tell you why taxes are so high here, because it's fucking awesome.
02:23:19.000
I remember being in Amsterdam Like a year and a half ago and being like, I don't care if they take 80%.
02:23:30.000
You just walk around and you go, take whatever you want.
02:23:37.000
It's like the amount of money that they're getting and the amount of incompetence that they're displaying.
02:23:42.000
You're like, I don't know if I can pay that here.
02:23:46.000
Nobody wants to be the mayor of L.A. Most successful businessmen don't want to be the mayor of L.A. So you've got to get a guy like Garcetti to be the mayor of L.A. It's a tricky job, you know?
02:24:00.000
Because when you're doing great, nobody knows where the fuck you are.
02:24:02.000
And as soon as something like the pandemic hits and you're the one who's deciding what should be closed or not closed, you're fucked.
02:24:09.000
I mean, that's a tough job to manage Los Angeles.
02:24:14.000
But it's interesting, like, political pieces that get moved around.
02:24:17.000
Like, Garcetti, after Biden got elected, for literally, I mean, like, weeks and weeks, people were camping out on his lawn protesting him, making sure that he didn't get an appointment to the Biden administration.
02:24:35.000
There were marches to his house of, like, 30,000 people or something one time.
02:24:43.000
And so he's got all these armed guards waiting outside his house to keep people from storming the gates and pulling them out of bed.
02:24:52.000
But what's crazy is, like, what did he do to them?
02:24:57.000
Other than shut down everything, which he did, what did he do that's so horrendous?
02:25:02.000
And what they were mad at was what he didn't do.
02:25:05.000
They were like, you didn't do this well enough.
02:25:08.000
You didn't take care of the homeless people enough.
02:25:14.000
What were their specific reasons for doing that to him?
02:25:18.000
The homeless situation is out of control in Los Angeles.
02:25:21.000
The crazy thing is people support it staying the way it is.
02:25:26.000
There's a considerable group of people that think the unhoused should be allowed to camp out in Echo Park.
02:25:35.000
It just feels like it's completely lawless and without any regulation.
02:25:51.000
It's also there's no real solution, and it's never been navigated in our time.
02:25:55.000
So in our lifetime, there's never been a time where there was hundreds of tents all over Los Angeles, thousands of tents.
02:26:01.000
At this point, they're somewhere in the neighborhood of 80,000-plus.
02:26:07.000
It might be 100 in Los Angeles, homeless people.
02:26:11.000
You get to a certain number, it's like you've never had to deal with this before.
02:26:15.000
Did you see that piece on Netflix about the Cecil Hotel?
02:26:23.000
I started it and I didn't, I don't know, I just didn't get into it.
02:26:27.000
It's kind of a trick because the girl, spoiler alert, the girl who they're looking for, they think was murdered, actually was off her meds and wound up opening, they believe, this is what happened, they believe she opened the water tanks on the roof and climbed in and drowned.
02:26:58.000
There was a bunch of murders there or something?
02:27:06.000
So the Cecil Hotel, and one of the couples that was on the documentary is pretty funny.
02:27:10.000
So we found it online, and look, the Cecil Hotel.
02:27:22.000
Downtown can sound like it must be really nice.
02:27:30.000
I remember when I lived in L.A. for just a couple years and kind of starting to understand how the city works, people would come in, friends would be like, I want to go downtown.
02:27:45.000
I mean, there's parts of that south kind of area that they built up real nice, kind of like around near the Staples Center and stuff, where the condos exploded in price.
02:27:55.000
But there's parts of downtown LA that are fucking really rough.
02:28:00.000
I think before the pandemic, it was starting to come up.
02:28:03.000
They were starting to try to figure out how to deal with all the poorer spots, because every time they would sort of gentrify an area, they would make a shitload of money on these condos.
02:28:12.000
And people, I think, liked the idea of living, air quotes, downtown.
02:28:20.000
What was interesting about this documentary, this Netflix thing on the Cecil Hotel, was not even necessarily this one case that they were highlighting.
02:28:28.000
But it was what happened with Skid Row in the first place.
02:28:32.000
Skid Row, which I first discovered, or I first experienced, I should say, when I was filming Fear Factor.
02:28:38.000
Because we were filming Fear Factor downtown a lot.
02:28:40.000
Because a lot of these buildings that we would use were abandoned buildings.
02:28:43.000
So we would be able to put scaffolding on the roof and dangle people off the roof.
02:28:50.000
Fucking knock on wood, we never killed anybody on that show.
02:28:57.000
The last season because they're like, NBC's back, or Fear Pacture's back on NBC, bigger and better than ever.
02:29:06.000
That was when the Come Drinking episode got us kicked off the air.
02:29:16.000
They played horseshoes to see how much Donkey Kong...
02:29:55.000
Yeah, see that guy's drinking piss and then the guy next to him is drinking jizz.
02:30:15.000
Dude, I remember like being in high school and you talking to friends and they're like, yeah, just, you know, just kind of rub one out here and then like in the bathroom or something and then I'm like, what do you mean?
02:30:36.000
Yeah, and they're like, I don't know, it's like fucking just wipe it down with a sock.
02:30:59.000
Sometimes like 17. So 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Is that how you got your wife?
02:31:10.000
I mean, every girl that I slept with was like, this is so much cum, dude.
02:31:19.000
You know, Bert's here and it's like, no, no, I shoot the bigger lungs!
02:31:26.000
We came on each other's faces and he's like, that's way more good.
02:31:32.000
And I used to, like, shoot it into, like, the boxers I was wearing and then I would just be soaked.
02:31:42.000
And your mother pills him out like, what the fuck?
02:31:56.000
And what happened is, I think it got leaked on TMZ or something like that.
02:32:02.000
And then once people realized it, they actually did pull the episode, but then canceled the show.
02:32:15.000
Have you seen, because I've been big on a few things, that F1 show.
02:32:26.000
That is a series on Amazon Prime that's eight episodes of Reportedly, the budget was $160 million.
02:32:37.000
It's shot in Calabria, Italy, Monterey, Mexico, New Orleans, Senegal, and Morocco.
02:32:49.000
And this story It has the Calabrian mob, the cartel in Mexico, and then a shipping broker in New Orleans.
02:32:59.000
And it's like each time you're focused in one area, they have their own storyline characters that is like unbelievable and incredible set pieces and action sequences.
02:33:47.000
Yes, some of it's in Italian, some of it's in Spanish, some of it's in English.
02:33:55.000
If we don't continue to broker cocaine, this company ceases to access.
02:34:03.000
My brother will personally escort the load from start to finish.
02:34:20.000
It's one of the most incredible things I've seen.
02:34:22.000
That theme song is the first thing I learned on piano.
02:34:41.000
I know, and this thing actually came out, I think it came out right before the pandemic.
02:34:47.000
It first aired in Italy in February of 2020. That's a month before.
02:34:51.000
And then I think, you know, with everything happening, it kind of got lost.
02:34:55.000
Yeah, and I have that thing, too, where I have that thing.
02:35:00.000
I've noticed it's happened to me before, where I'll just go to Netflix, and then I'll be like, is there something here that I want to watch or not?
02:35:09.000
You're like, oh, yeah, there's these other streaming platforms, and they each have incredible libraries now.
02:35:15.000
Well, I found out about Amazon Prime because of Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, which I really got into.
02:35:21.000
I never saw that, but I heard a wonderful thing.
02:35:23.000
I really liked the first two seasons, and then I think I lost it, whatever it is, for whatever reason.
02:35:34.000
I was watching Handmaid's Tale, which was so dramatic, and they would do...
02:35:39.000
Dark episodes where you're like, Jesus Christ, that is so fucking so dark.
02:35:43.000
And then they would have a little bit of an uplifting one, and you'd be like, alright, I'm back.
02:35:47.000
And I watched, I think, two seasons of that, and then I just kind of fell out of it.
02:35:51.000
I watched one episode, and I'm like, check, please.
02:35:58.000
Fake, heavy shit in my life, especially during the pandemic.
02:36:05.000
I watched all the Adam, up until Uncut Gems, which is fucking crazy.
02:36:18.000
Well, that's definitely not a Sandler movie, though, right?
02:36:22.000
Like, he's in it, but, like, not a happy Madison production, for sure.
02:36:30.000
There's another one called The Expanse that I started watching recently on Amazon.
02:36:42.000
It's really good in the special effects and the way it's put together.
02:36:45.000
It's like about a bunch of miners that live in the future and space.
02:37:04.000
Yeah, I really liked it, but I didn't love the third act as much.
02:37:11.000
It's fucking coursing through my veins all the time.
02:37:18.000
And just the concept, and I love revenge stories, because revenge, real, true revenge is justified, right?
02:37:24.000
So it's like somebody did something, and they deserve what they're getting.
02:37:29.000
And I felt that story building towards, and they were seeing it, that she was going to get hers.
02:37:36.000
Obviously you can ultimately say that she did, but the way...
02:37:40.000
Yeah, and the way that it was happening, I was like, oh, this is about to get so fucking good.
02:37:50.000
When she was like, you have no idea what's about to fucking happen.
02:37:53.000
I was like, now all hell is going to break loose.
02:37:56.000
And it kind of did, but not to the extent that I was hoping for it.
02:38:02.000
I haven't seen it yet, but it's one of the top movies on iTunes.
02:38:05.000
It's about a woman who pretends to be incapacitated.
02:38:24.000
I don't want to give anything away, but it's really good.
02:38:42.000
Somebody's dignity and their children or their parents or something.
02:38:56.000
I mean, that's why I think some people connected with that, right?
02:39:00.000
Because in the beginning of the movie, you don't have any idea who this guy is.
02:39:03.000
You think he's just this handsome Keanu Reeves who lost his wife.
02:39:10.000
And then when the Russian mobsters kill his dog and steal his car, it's like, oh, boy.
02:39:14.000
And then you're like, it's so funny how connected we are and how much we love our dogs, you know, especially in this country.
02:39:19.000
But you're like, yeah, dude, kill like 100 people.
02:39:24.000
And then the other DiCaprio one, that's a great, that's revenge.
02:39:41.000
I think it's out now, but it's a revenge story with Jason Statham in LA. Let me see this.
02:39:52.000
It seems like he took a job guarding money trucks so he could kill everyone.
02:39:59.000
Looking for the guy who killed his son or something.
02:40:10.000
No, what he does so well, I think he does two things so well.
02:40:16.000
Is that everything's stylized in a very cool way, you know?
02:40:20.000
Like, every shot feels like a cool fucking, like, cinematography is awesome.
02:40:26.000
And then he writes, like, aggressive, funny dialogue well.
02:40:35.000
Like, the way that he writes like a gangster or like a bad guy talking shit just sounds cool.
02:40:41.000
He writes dialogue cool for people where you want to hear them keep speaking.
02:40:56.000
Not that it's a disrespect to have a black belt from a guy who's unknown, but to get a black belt from either Hickson, Hickson Gracie's, that's probably the biggest one, or Henzo Gracie.
02:41:18.000
Yeah, because I wasn't training as much as I should have been.
02:41:21.000
Yeah, because busy, you know, constantly doing things.
02:41:30.000
One day, I just got, you know, they made an announcement.
02:41:34.000
Eddie Bravo made an announcement, gave me my black belt.
02:41:39.000
You know, one day, showed up at training, and now I got a black belt.
02:41:48.000
Because there's not that many out there, you know?
02:41:51.000
To be able to do it while you're doing other stuff, you know, it's not like I was a young man who was just only trying to pursue jujitsu.
02:42:00.000
Like, I got my black belt in Taekwondo after, like, Two years.
02:42:07.000
Dude, I wasn't that far from a black belt in Taekwondo as a kid.
02:42:24.000
The thing is, like, you do teach children that in achieving new ranks, like, it's goal setting, and you get rewarded for it, and it really does pump you up.
02:42:39.000
Like, it was really good for me to, like, just, I don't think I was particularly great, but I'm saying it was really good for confidence and, like, yeah, it was great activity, man.
02:42:48.000
My instructor would not let people get black belts when they were kids.
02:42:55.000
And he also made me fight men when I was a kid.
02:42:59.000
Like when I was 15, I fought in the men's division.
02:43:10.000
Okay, so like when I was 16, 17, I was fighting grown ass men with beards and shit.
02:43:16.000
That's gotta be, is that intimidating as shit when you start?
02:43:30.000
It was the only thing in my whole life up until that moment where I didn't feel like a loser.
02:43:39.000
So, to have this outlet, the first outlet ever in my life where I was not just getting positive feedback, but...
02:43:55.000
And that's the thing about, as a, especially, I mean, I can't speak for a young lady, but as a young man, I feel like that's something that every young man, you know, really strives for.
02:44:05.000
Like, who am I? What am I? I mean, I really latched on to, like, my identity being a football player.
02:44:18.000
I mean, I really thought, like, if you were like, tell me about yourself, you'd be like, I play football.
02:44:25.000
It's a cool thing to say, but also, like, it makes you feel like I'm part of, like, I have an identity.
02:44:29.000
And, like, I think that fighting is probably similar to that, where you go, like, this is who I am.
02:44:49.000
The thing that fucked it up for me was really trying other martial arts.
02:44:58.000
When I started kickboxing, I was boxing these guys and getting lit up.
02:45:07.000
I was teaching at Nautilus Plus in Revere, Massachusetts.
02:45:14.000
And they had this separate big room of the gym that they didn't have anything going on in, because it was a big-ass gym.
02:45:21.000
And my instructor decided to run classes out of there, and he asked me if I wanted to take it over as like a satellite school.
02:45:34.000
So here I am teaching, and then I ran into this guy, Joe Lake, who was a boxing coach and a longshoreman, this really big Big, fucking tough Irish guy.
02:45:45.000
He had his finger bitten off in a street fight, so he took his toe.
02:45:48.000
They took his toe off and put it where his finger used to be.
02:45:53.000
Yeah, and curved it permanently so he could always throw punches because otherwise if it was straight, it's not going to fit in a glove and he wouldn't be able to bend it.
02:46:03.000
So when you'd shake his hand, his hand always had like this weird little toe that was touching you from his...
02:46:23.000
And he goes, I want to fucking learn how to do that.
02:46:34.000
And then immediately from working out with him, I started realizing, I'm like, oh, shit.
02:46:43.000
And then he started bringing in professional boxers for me to spar with and amateur boxers.
02:46:51.000
I was, like, realizing two things I was realizing at the same time.
02:46:55.000
That this idea of me being this elite martial artist.
02:47:02.000
And then I got, once I became a kickboxer, then I felt more confident that I could use it.
02:47:09.000
But it took like a couple of years of learning.
02:47:11.000
But then I sort of started getting brain damage.
02:47:19.000
And I was sparring with guys who were better than me, so I was getting hit a lot.
02:47:22.000
With boxing only, and I was getting a lot of headaches.
02:47:27.000
I very distinctly remember one really hard sparring session that I had with this dude.
02:47:32.000
And I was laying in bed and my head was just throbbing, just bang, bang, bang.
02:47:39.000
Like with every heartbeat, you know, pulse that was going through my body, my head would have a new throb.
02:47:45.000
And I was poor and I was living in this really shitty apartment and I had no future.
02:47:59.000
I was teaching Taekwondo, kickboxing, getting ready to do some kickboxing fights.
02:48:04.000
I wound up having like three kickboxing fights and realizing that there's no future.
02:48:11.000
I couldn't take Taekwondo seriously anymore as a competitor because I knew how easy it was for these guys to corner me And if I didn't kick their head off, if I didn't hurt them really bad with a kick, they would corner me and just beat me up with punches.
02:48:32.000
And then eventually I got better with my hands so I could protect myself more.
02:48:37.000
And that was an even bigger problem, because then I had all these ideas about, well, at least I'll kick the shit out of you if you want to kickbox with me.
02:48:44.000
And then I found guys that were literally traveling to Thailand that were living in this part of Massachusetts.
02:48:55.000
And they were traveling over to Thailand and fighting in Thailand.
02:48:58.000
Coming home with these gnarly scars, man, because they were getting cut open with elbows, and they were doing a lot of leg kicks.
02:49:04.000
And then I realized, like, oh, my God, it's so easy to kick someone in the legs.
02:49:11.000
Because in Taekwondo, you couldn't kick the legs.
02:49:17.000
Not that it's not a good martial art to learn how to kick, because all the stuff that I did back then, I still do.
02:49:24.000
But it wasn't, as itself, it wasn't a good enough martial art.
02:49:29.000
And my fucking head was throbbing all the time.
02:49:31.000
I feel like a lot of people probably experienced what you did and didn't go, I should stop doing this.
02:49:37.000
Yeah, but the good thing about not having a dad growing up, not having a stepdad, but not knowing my dad, is I never really thought anybody was going to rescue me.
02:49:47.000
I had no confidence at all that it was going to be okay.
02:49:52.000
So me lying there in bed, I'll never forget that thing.
02:50:00.000
And I still didn't stop until I got TKO'd in my last fight.
02:50:10.000
I had these fights, kickboxing fights I had after I'd already started doing stand-up.
02:50:18.000
It was kind of a shitty thing to say, but I realized he was right.
02:50:22.000
We were both open micers, and we were both about six months in.
02:50:28.000
And we were just talking about comedy or something like that.
02:50:31.000
And I don't remember the context of it, but I remember him saying to me, and we weren't in an argument or anything, which is, you know, I didn't get mad at him either.
02:50:39.000
But he just goes, yeah, he goes, you started out pretty good.
02:50:42.000
He goes, but then it seems like you just like kind of fizzled out and you haven't really gotten any better.
02:50:50.000
You know when someone says something and you don't even go, fuck you, man?
02:51:03.000
And then I was thinking about what I'm doing with my life.
02:51:14.000
If I'm going to be a comedian, I have to just...
02:51:15.000
And so when I had my last fight, one of the first things I did was when I came back and I knew I was going to fight again, I quit teaching.
02:51:26.000
Or my instructor, rather, was like, what are you doing?
02:51:30.000
I quit teaching at BU. I had a teaching job at BU. I taught accredited course.
02:51:36.000
It was like you get pass-fail-A. It counted for your GPA. For Taekwondo?
02:51:50.000
I would come and work out, but I was like, no more teaching.
02:51:53.000
Because it was too much of a distraction and also it was dangerous.
02:51:56.000
It was both, but I was realizing that I had to be all in as a comic.
02:52:00.000
And the only way I was going to be all in as a comic, even though I was terrible, right?
02:52:04.000
Six months in or whatever I was, I wasn't good.
02:52:13.000
I had a post-production job that paid well for my age and had extra, what's it called?
02:52:25.000
So you can make pretty good money and you're in LA trying to survive.
02:52:29.000
You know, making, I don't know, I think my rate was like $1,500 a week plus overtime.
02:52:37.000
And we just started a new show, like in post, and I got a manager, and like the next day he was like, he's like, I got you an audition, you have an audition for this, it was an Eddie Murphy movie, right?
02:53:04.000
He was like, wow, we just started this new post job.
02:53:07.000
So this is gonna run for, let's say, four months or something.
02:53:10.000
And he just gave me this great rate and everything.
02:53:33.000
I mean, I'll try to get you some more stuff, but this is our first day.
02:53:47.000
I started in April of 2002, so this is my 19-year anniversary.
02:53:55.000
And then I quit that job in 2006. I met you in 2007. Yeah, that's when we were doing the tour.
02:54:16.000
We each know a number of people who you go like, yeah, dude, make the leap.
02:54:22.000
But we also know a bunch of people that you should probably get out of the water.
02:54:27.000
It's like that George St. Pierre thing about fighters.
02:54:30.000
Remember he's at the gym and he's like, but they'll get mad at me.
02:54:35.000
There's people who you go like, you really should think about something.
02:54:39.000
It's such a narrow window that you have to have the right personality.
02:54:49.000
And as a fighter, I think it's probably even narrower.
02:54:57.000
Because you can make it as a professional comedian and do well as a middle act, and you can work a little...
02:55:07.000
It's essentially professional comedians, but they don't have a big following.
02:55:12.000
But they're competent, and they can do the job.
02:55:15.000
Like, you hire them, they'll do 20 minutes, they'll kill.
02:55:26.000
And if you're somebody who a bunch of people have gotten beat up, basically, like, oh, yeah, he's fought all these top contenders and never beat one?
02:55:45.000
Yep, and you're getting hit more than you're hitting.
02:55:51.000
We know guys as comics that are doing okay that have been doing okay for 10 years.
02:56:01.000
If you're doing okay 10 years later, you're fucked.
02:56:05.000
You probably got vision problems, brain damage problems, joint problems, back problems.
02:56:13.000
I've talked to a few fighters that are a little older now, and when you start talking to someone, you're like, fuck.
02:56:21.000
I'm seeing the brain damage right in front of me.
02:56:24.000
You see it, and then you see them a couple years later, and it's way worse.
02:56:29.000
And one of the things that happens is all their words sort of jumble together.
02:56:49.000
And it just, it gets worse, and it gets worse, and then they keep fighting, and it gets worse.
02:56:52.000
And then one day, you know, they're, you know, they have to do some sort of therapy.
02:57:02.000
And, you know, a lot of these guys are severely depressed, too, because...
02:57:06.000
If you're not supplementing your hormones, most likely just due to getting hit in the head a bunch of times, your endocrine system shuts down.
02:57:17.000
That's a real problem with football players, a real problem with soldiers.
02:57:21.000
A lot of soldiers, especially door breachers, they stand back, boom!
02:57:26.000
That impact of that is just rattling your dome.
02:57:30.000
And over and over and over again, a lot of these guys wind up needing testosterone therapy.
02:57:35.000
Great things that Dr. Mark Gordon has done with his Warrior Angel Foundation is provide these people medical relief, and he's done a lot of it for free.
02:57:48.000
And with Andrew Marr, they've been on the podcast a couple times.
02:57:52.000
They set up this foundation, this Warrior Angels Foundation, to take care of these guys.
02:57:56.000
And one of the big things is their hormones are all gone.
02:58:02.000
Like we were talking last night about This boxer that I know who fought a bunch of wars in the early 2000s and now he's zero testosterone.
02:58:21.000
Your pituitary gland is like this little tiny thing in there and you get rattled a few times and it just stops working right.
02:58:29.000
I did a podcast with a guy who played in the NFL who I played against in high school.
02:58:37.000
And I told him, I was like, because my football memories stop there.
02:58:46.000
I was like, you know, hitting you is so clear to me.
02:58:51.000
I still remember how different it was than hitting other people, you know?
02:58:57.000
Because it felt like a fucking bank vault door slammed into you, you know?
02:59:02.000
I mean, he played on a shitty team, and so we always beat them, but he would always have the craziest game.
02:59:17.000
And even if you were in the backfield and you tackled him, you were like, fuck me, man.
02:59:25.000
He went on to play 10 seasons in the NFL. Imagine if you're a guy that's built like that and you don't want to do that, but that's the best avenue for you to make money because you're just built like a gorilla.
02:59:41.000
There's only a percentage that go, I love this more than anything.
02:59:46.000
Like, this is the thing that I'm going to make a living doing.
02:59:49.000
And also, I'm going to make a crazy living at 22, which is so crazy.
02:59:56.000
For that now, as you're an older, more mature guy, you go like, can you imagine handing me a check at 22 for like 19 million dollars?
03:00:08.000
If I got a check for $1,900 when I was 22, I was like, oh my god, I'm rich!
03:00:12.000
I remember being in my 20s being like, these guys just, why are you spending all that money?
03:00:28.000
From doing this podcast, talking to a lot of people like Demi Lovato or Miley Cyrus or any of these people that...
03:00:37.000
Not just super famous, but super famous with their kids.
03:00:40.000
Demi Lovato was on Barney the Dinosaur when she was seven.
03:00:45.000
And that's a crazy thing to do to your children.
03:00:51.000
You can't imagine what it's like to be a normal person because you've never been a normal person and you can never be a normal person.
03:00:59.000
Your developmental cycle you went through while being stupendously famous.
03:01:12.000
She was talking about what a cunt she was when she was a kid, because her parents would tell her, like, you're grounded.
03:01:28.000
She's aware that it's kind of crazy, and now she's trying to sort it all out and figure out who she is.
03:01:33.000
I can't imagine taking either one of my sons and being like, you have an audition.
03:01:43.000
They're in their 40s and they're just starting to become famous.
03:01:54.000
They always want to talk about people that are attacking them.
03:02:01.000
People that get completely wrapped up in that world where it's just the trappings of fame.
03:02:08.000
Some of those people, maybe all of those people, just they don't have enough stuff that grounds them.
03:02:14.000
When you realize how lucky we are to have families and real friends, that shit really fucking contributes to a quality of life.
03:02:23.000
And also, some of those guys, and whatever, girls too, but I'm just saying guys I know, Where you're like, you do a really bad job of surrounding yourself with the wrong people, man.
03:02:37.000
They don't see that their surroundings are negative.
03:02:44.000
One of the things that happens with a lot of those guys that we're talking about is that they want to be, air quotes, the man.
03:02:51.000
So what happens is they surround themselves with people who are kind of like sycophants.
03:02:59.000
One of the things that I think has always been cool about our group of friends is that we're all peers.
03:03:06.000
Everyone, whether it's Bert, you, Ari, Diaz, everyone's doing great.
03:03:19.000
And if we do shows together, we're really kind of doing it because it's fun to do together.
03:03:27.000
They bring these people that are subpar with them everywhere they go.
03:03:32.000
I learned that firsthand, going on tour with you, with Russell Peters, even with Jay Moore, where it's like, you guys would bring people, and you're like, I hope you kill.
03:03:47.000
And then you go, oh, and then the show is over, and people go like, that was a front-to-back killer show.
03:03:54.000
And then I always remembered that, that you want the show to be awesome.
03:03:59.000
Yeah, I learned that from, well, I kind of figured it out from shame.
03:04:05.000
I wanted people to bomb, and then I was just embarrassed with myself that I wanted people to bomb.
03:04:11.000
And that wasn't even when I was going on the road.
03:04:12.000
That was when I was in Boston, and I was in my 20s.
03:04:20.000
And then I realized, why are you even doing this?
03:04:23.000
You got into comedy because you love comedy, and now you want to be the only one who does comedy good?
03:04:32.000
And then I sort of equated it to martial arts, whereas...
03:04:35.000
With martial arts, you must have good training partners.
03:04:39.000
You have to have, especially when you're mirroring yourself on these other people that you're training with, the higher level of gyms or schools always produce the higher level of competitors consistently because these people always saw these killers in the gym and they go,
03:05:01.000
Whereas if you were at a school where you were the top dog and everybody you were sparring against was a scrub, you had this distorted perception of what you could do.
03:05:14.000
Because you have to have a real understanding of timing, like how fast someone is and how hard someone can hit and what's dangerous and what's not.
03:05:20.000
And some guys just didn't have that because they were in...
03:05:25.000
I had that in martial arts, but now I didn't want that in comedy.
03:05:31.000
And so shame made me recognize, like, this is terrible.
03:05:37.000
And then you realize all these years later that, like, the best nights at the store or even on the road were the nights where, like, somebody created that wave and then everybody rode it.
03:05:55.000
Like, when Diaz, before Diaz really became, you know, air quotes, Joey Diaz, like, everybody knows him now.
03:06:01.000
When I was working with him in the late 90s, nobody wanted to follow Diaz.
03:06:07.000
But I knew that that would be probably the best way to get really tight as a comedian was to always do shows with him because he would kill so fucking hard.
03:06:18.000
If you were laughing, if you enjoyed it, you would ride the wave.
03:06:22.000
But if you were nervous, then you would eat shit.
03:06:30.000
If you're nervous about the guy in front of you and you get worked up about...
03:06:39.000
And then if you're enjoying it, you really do ride it.
03:06:44.000
I've had some terrible moments where I ate shit, and it was always because I was thinking more about eating shit than I was about enjoying this person's act and laughing and going out and having...
03:06:56.000
Because if someone's really funny, you're laughing before you go on stage.
03:07:04.000
I talked to Shea Wiggum about this, that the best acting, he said, comes from...
03:07:16.000
And I was like, oh, with stand-up, that's true, too.
03:07:23.000
You don't want to be too loose where you're not even thinking about what's going on.
03:07:26.000
But you want to have it in your mind, but you don't want to be...
03:07:29.000
You want to feel like, alright man, this is going to be...
03:07:32.000
But you're locked into what you're going to do.
03:07:41.000
I think my best sets have come with that kind of mentality.
03:07:47.000
I'm pretty loose, but I'm dialed into what I'm doing.
03:07:49.000
And I'm coming off of maybe last weekend I did six, seven shows, and then I've done four this week, and I'm dialed in, and I'm loose.
03:08:03.000
I mean, I've never been much of a runner, really.
03:08:08.000
I always imagine that, like, it's the same kind of thing.
03:08:11.000
Like, if you're gonna run marathons, you gotta run all the fucking time to be able to do a three-minute marathon.
03:08:17.000
So I think that's sort of the same thing with stand-up.
03:08:19.000
You've got to do a lot of stand-up to get loose at stand-up.
03:08:23.000
So I just had my first back-to-back weekend a couple weeks ago in a year and a half.
03:08:34.000
And then by the fifth show in Omaha, I was like, this feels like 2019. Yeah, you're back.
03:08:46.000
And I'm supposed to, I mean, if everything continues to improve, inshallah, then I'll announce big dates later in the year.
03:09:03.000
They're like, most of the clubs I've been doing are like three-quarters capacity.
03:09:10.000
It's the most fucking fun time I've had in a while, man.
03:09:16.000
It's so cool that you could do that, that you have that capacity, that you could not just speak Spanish, but you could do stand-up in Spanish.
03:09:22.000
I mean, it's taken a lot of work, a lot more work than I thought.
03:09:27.000
Some, like right now I'm doing probably 45 minutes in Spanish, and in English I'm doing like 60, and some of it's stuff that I didn't do in specials,
03:09:42.000
some of it's brand new stuff translated, and some of it's older stuff that I've never flushed out, and I'm doing it in Spanish, so it's like a mix of everything.
03:09:51.000
It's not the exact set I'm doing in English, But, like, the crowds have that feel.
03:09:56.000
You know when you go abroad, like you go to Australia, and it's hard to explain, like, to articulate that you feel their appreciation that you came that far?
03:10:11.000
I was like, every time I go, it's hard to explain.
03:10:15.000
But you feel like they're going, like, thank you for coming this far.
03:10:19.000
The Spanish shows, I'm doing it to obviously, like, these...
03:10:22.000
Latino audiences and it's like the same kind of feeling.
03:10:26.000
They so appreciate that you're doing it for them in Spanish.
03:10:42.000
I mean, let's see, well, Richard Villa, who was opening the show, he's done it.
03:10:53.000
And I brought Christina Sanchez, so the two of them opened the show.
03:11:01.000
Like, Felipe Esparza did English and Spanish special.
03:11:16.000
You know who's fucking super, like speaking of this kind of thing, is Eddie Izzard.
03:11:40.000
I did Eddie's show when she was running, I don't know how many marathons back to back.
03:11:52.000
For the second time, because I remember when that was a few years ago.
03:11:55.000
I didn't even understand that somebody could do that.
03:11:57.000
But not only that, how about do it without training?
03:12:09.000
I think you just say Eddie's brain, because when I say her brain, because Eddie still likes girls.
03:12:24.000
When you're that funny, when you're that talented and that driven, nobody gives a shit.
03:13:04.000
It's a weird thing to do all these goddamn marathons.
03:13:12.000
And, you know, it's obviously amazing when anyone does it, like Cam does it, and Goggins, and you're like, what the fuck?
03:13:21.000
But at least those guys live that insane lifestyle.
03:13:43.000
He runs so much, but his belly just keeps getting bigger.
03:13:51.000
Well, I mean, like, you know, he is working out.
03:13:59.000
But that video of you guys when you were playing basketball and you see his pregnant belly?
03:14:06.000
Well, one of, because I remember we were talking about it, and he said that...
03:14:12.000
The hair doesn't grow in between those two zones.
03:14:24.000
Yeah, he just, you know, it's wine on the treadmill, wine at night, bottles of wine.
03:14:34.000
And he'll eat, like, he is like a fucking dog, where if you're like, here's a treat, you know?
03:14:44.000
We were podcasting a couple weeks ago, and in the middle of it, I just hand him a chocolate that's wrapped up.
03:15:00.000
Like, he just got so distracted by the treat, you know?
03:15:05.000
Like, if you bring any treat, pizza, anything in the room, his brain just switches.
03:15:12.000
What drives me crazy is he's on high blood pressure medication.
03:15:18.000
And he just was like, well, I'm on the medication.
03:15:21.000
Might as well just keep doing exactly what I'm doing.
03:15:26.000
I talked to someone last night who, I'll just spare them, but who's older than us, and he's like, you know, I haven't been to the doctor in 35 years.
03:15:38.000
And I go, you said that like it's cool, like you're bragging about it, man.
03:15:46.000
But I was like, you know that's not a great thing.
03:15:50.000
And I go, you're not worried about this X, Y, and Z? He's like, oh yeah, my brother-in-law's got colon cancer.
03:16:10.000
Yeah, he ran a marathon, and when he was running a marathon, blood was squirting out of his asshole while he was running the marathon.
03:16:18.000
Like, he'd stop, drop his pants, take his shit in the woods, leave a big puddle of blood, keep running.
03:16:49.000
I had beet juice one time, and I was like, I have stomach cancer.
03:16:57.000
And those people who do that are, you know, it's like a denial avoidance thing.
03:17:02.000
Like, if I don't go, I won't know that anything's bad.
03:17:06.000
And I'm sure it's related to some childhood trauma.
03:17:28.000
And then he, you know, like I'll be like, we were having a meeting.
03:17:40.000
And then I asked him, what's it like when you do shit?
03:17:45.000
He's like, it is fucking, he's like, rail thin.
03:17:49.000
Yeah, he's like, it's like six flushes, and like, you know, he's like, the fucking whole apartment stinks.
03:17:59.000
I think it was on your podcast he told those nasty stories.
03:18:15.000
And I pulled Brian aside and I was like, hey man, this is really, really terrifying.
03:18:27.000
And I walk on stage and I get back and Ari's like, are you worried about my asshole?
03:18:30.000
And I go, yeah, I've never seen anything like that, man.
03:18:35.000
I mean, it was like prolapsed, hanging out of him.
03:18:38.000
I go, he goes, I just put like a tissue in there.
03:18:40.000
And I was like, I mean, this is some shit that I've never heard of, seen, experienced, and how are you not worried?
03:19:03.000
It didn't look like any asshole I'd seen before, and I'd seen a few.
03:19:14.000
I mean, it looked like someone had put a vacuum to his asshole, sucked it out, and was like, check this out.
03:19:28.000
Speaking of prolapsed assholes, that was one of the videos that you sent me that I was like, what in the fuck am I looking at?
03:19:35.000
One of the videos that they- You wrote back to me, you go, do you play this on your show?
03:19:54.000
And then this guy is rubbing their two assholes together.
03:19:58.000
So this guy had these two dudes' butts left to right.
03:20:05.000
And then he pulls out and their insides come out with them.
03:20:09.000
And one guy, you were saying, the doctor who saw the video said he's- Our doctor friend was like, that guy's 15 minutes from being dead.
03:20:19.000
He was like, that guy could be dead for sure in a few minutes.
03:20:30.000
All the things we've talked about on this podcast?
03:20:33.000
I'm going to get in trouble later for looking this shit up.
03:20:40.000
You know they hear that Zuckerberg got busted using Signal?
03:20:58.000
Are you going to really report that you died from...
03:21:03.000
We should probably know how many people died doing BMX jumps, how many people died fisting.
03:21:24.000
That we know about, it's got to be, it's definitely triple digits.
03:21:33.000
Because it definitely happens more than is reported.
03:21:50.000
Look, whatever Google search you have, I'm responsible for it.
03:21:53.000
I'm with the DuckDuckGo now, so I'm trying to think really hard, how would you find this answer?
03:22:05.000
Maybe we have less suicides because more people were dying fisting.
03:22:09.000
What if the word instead of fisting is just like anal trauma deaths, you know?
03:22:29.000
Are you sure you don't want to say car-related deaths?
03:22:41.000
I didn't find anything on the web for how many people die from fisting every year.
03:22:56.000
I mean, I have one report of a vaginal fisting as a cause of death.
03:23:03.000
I mean, it's just like in a journal, on a medical journal, where they actually wrote the whole report about how it happened.
03:23:14.000
I went and watched a bunch of surgeries one day, and they were all vaginal dick surgeries.
03:23:31.000
I went to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, and my uncle, who was a urologist, sent me up with the urology department there.
03:23:39.000
I saw 13 operations, and the first one at like 7 or 8 a.m.
03:23:47.000
I just see this lady's legs, you know, spread wide open and this just old loose puss, you know, and the guy, he goes, uh, hey man, don't say anything about, you know, what's down there because she's awake.
03:23:59.000
And then he went in there and he was like, oh my God.
03:24:03.000
And he had found, like, a softball-sized cyst in there.
03:24:11.000
We need to document this for, you know, journals and stuff.
03:24:15.000
So they brought in another crew with cameras, took pictures of it, measuring it.
03:24:23.000
And then they punctured it and it was just like oozing and I was like...
03:24:42.000
Softball side cyst in the cooch when you're 80 years old.
03:24:56.000
Like, a lot of them, they're like, oh, just up your body.
03:24:58.000
It was like, yeah, we're just gonna keep a fatty deposit right here.
03:25:16.000
I will go on her page once every couple of weeks or so and just get lost for like 15 minutes.
03:25:27.000
And some of those like cysts, you're like, what?
03:25:30.000
And you ever see the guy, like you know you're saying like 10 years I shit blood?
03:25:35.000
And there'll be like a growth on someone's- Yeah.
03:25:38.000
And you're like, is there a football under your shoulder or something?
03:25:40.000
And then he's like, I'm getting it removed today.
03:25:44.000
Well, how about those dudes whose balls grow up the size of, you know, like literally like a wrecking ball?
03:25:50.000
Like one giant ball of whatever the fuck it is.
03:25:53.000
Hanging between your legs, stretching your sack skin out.
03:25:57.000
And then they just eventually have to deal with it.
03:26:06.000
If you have like a hundred pound scrotum, you're like, well, you know.
03:26:10.000
I put it on a shopping cart and I just kind of walk around.
03:26:14.000
You have to put it on some sort of a wheelie thing.
03:26:17.000
But I don't think you have a sound mind if you're like, that's the solution.
03:26:21.000
Maybe you're just scared to get your balls cut.
03:26:25.000
I don't think anything could function normally.
03:26:31.000
If you're shooting 17 shots, that guy's like a fucking Uzi.
03:26:46.000
You know, the baby on the fountain, the cherub with the water.
03:27:03.000
Isn't it weird that YouTube will show the sack skin, but you can't show cock?
03:27:11.000
Like, look, I'm looking at this guy's giant sack, and I can't see his pecker.
03:27:39.000
But, I mean, they can't offer him anything, didn't they?
03:27:43.000
I thought when I was going to get to end this video, it was going to be like he had surgery, but...
03:27:48.000
If you've got a choice, what are you going to do?
03:27:51.000
You want to be the guy with the biggest balls on TV? Come on, we're on TV. You know that guy in Mexico who had the world's biggest dick?
03:27:57.000
But it was, it's really, his penis was inside a growth.
03:28:03.000
So in other words, it looks like an elephant trunk.
03:28:06.000
And they're like, oh, when they did the CAT scan, they're like, no, here's his penis.
03:28:10.000
And this is like a, I mean, I'm, you know, not medically getting it right, but it's like a growth of skin over it.
03:28:16.000
And they were like, oh, we can actually reduce this and give you, like, you know, quote, a normal penis?
03:28:29.000
I was sorry, but they, uh, Jamie's so scared to Google these things.
03:28:35.000
Oh, man who had 132 pounds scrotum removed is finally optimistic about the future as he prepares to have more surgery.
03:28:44.000
Yeah, but look, he was removed for free but was still not happy.
03:28:48.000
He said his one-inch penis left him with no chance of finding love.
03:28:52.000
I'd say your ball bag was kind of preventing it too.
03:28:56.000
Imagine you have a huge set of balls and a tiny, tiny, tiny dick.
03:29:17.000
Yeah, that Mexican dude, he's Mexican with the penis.
03:29:24.000
And the doctor was like, well, you know, for free.
03:29:30.000
His thing was not, it wasn't, it was preventing him from doing anything.
03:29:36.000
But it was a growth over his penis, and he didn't...
03:29:48.000
Mexican man thought to have the world's biggest penis.
03:29:50.000
He's accused of exaggerating, as scan shows it's actually only six inches long.
03:30:09.000
A radiologist said that Mr. Cabrera's penis is actually only six inches long.
03:30:24.000
How come it doesn't say that, that it's a growth?
03:30:28.000
So they thought he was carrying something as he went through the airport, remember?
03:30:35.000
But that thing doesn't get hard or anything, man, you know?
03:30:50.000
He'd rather have a penis bigger than the rest of the people.
03:31:00.000
In Latin culture, whoever has the biggest penis is more macho.
03:31:04.000
It's something that makes him different to the rest of the people and makes him feel special.
03:31:13.000
I am famous because I have the biggest penis in the world.
03:31:20.000
The sheer size of Mr. Cabrera's penis causes him a number of health problems, including frequent urinary tract infections because not all his urine escapes his lengthy foreskin.
03:31:31.000
He keeps his colossal member wrapped in bandages to escape chafing.
03:31:36.000
He's also unable to sleep chest down and has to put his penis on its own pillow to escape discomfort during the night.
03:31:44.000
An active sex life is off limits to him as his penis is too much girth to have intercourse.
03:31:54.000
Some people ask if I put on condoms on it, and the answer is I cannot.
03:31:58.000
I can never penetrate anyone because it's too thick.
03:32:09.000
No, but the article is like, his penis is inside that growth.
03:32:15.000
It says, I would like to be a porn star, and I think I'd make a lot of money over there, and when people are not like over here, they are more liberal, and they don't care about what I have in my pants.
03:32:32.000
So he wants to go to the U.S. and spend the rest of his life over there with his giant dick.
03:32:40.000
I don't feel sad because I know in the U.S. there is a lot of women.
03:32:48.000
He can find someone that can accommodate that thing.
03:33:00.000
But did he make that growth from getting his dick stretched?
03:33:04.000
I just know that I watched that doc and they were like, yeah dude, you can have a normal life.
03:33:13.000
He's 54 now and when he was a teenager he started wrapping weights around his penis to make it longer.
03:33:23.000
This practice would place tension on the skin and it got even tears in it.
03:33:28.000
His body would naturally repair the small cuts.
03:33:40.000
I mean, I didn't go to the website and order it or anything.
03:33:43.000
But I've seen these little things where they strap things to your dick to stretch it out.
03:33:48.000
And you can put weights on it, and guys weight their dicks down.
03:33:52.000
Dudes get dick injections to, like, thicken it up.
03:34:07.000
But this is all the kind of stuff that you would have on your mom's house lives.
03:34:16.000
That double fisting video is, I think, in the first one.
03:34:33.000
So the whole program consists of a bunch of different things.
03:34:41.000
And so has it evolved over the time that you've been doing that?
03:34:46.000
I mean, it had a great, like, it had an opening, cold open sketch where I, you know, she was in that, we went to a plastic surgeon and I was like, you need to help me out with this.
03:34:57.000
So we had like a setup of Cold open, and then when you cut to the live feed, she had all the work done, like the prosthetics and the tattoos, you know?
03:35:06.000
And then we had, like, you know, other segments.
03:35:09.000
There was, like, this guy that she had found on TikTok that became, like, somebody that we would play clips of, and she went on, like, a date with him, and we shot that.
03:35:19.000
And so that became, like, a sketch on the show.
03:35:21.000
So people who are, like, into, like, the YMH world...
03:35:25.000
I think if you're like a super fan of it, you know, it's entertaining.
03:35:28.000
And then Marcus King Band did a set, so we had that shot.
03:35:35.000
He's a guitar singer, you know, rock star, man, in Nashville.
03:35:38.000
And I actually did Conan with him a few years ago, and he's got a baby face.
03:35:45.000
And I think he wasn't, like, maybe he was 18 or something.
03:35:53.000
One of those people, when you hear him sing, you're like, that voice was put in you.
03:35:58.000
That's not like, oh, I'm training to sing like this.
03:36:11.000
And then that was part of the YMH Live episode.
03:36:14.000
And then we had Chris DiStefano came on, who was hilarious.
03:36:19.000
And then we eventually got to the heavy segment, which was like the closer.
03:36:25.000
So it was like three and a half hours live streaming show.
03:36:28.000
And so you bring in guys like Chris DiStefano and different comics?
03:36:32.000
And one of the earlier ones, my parents Zoomed in, and my mom was trashed.
03:36:41.000
Dude, when you recorded your mom farting, Oh, yeah.
03:36:50.000
Because when I recorded it, I recorded it, and there's that moment where she sees me in her eyes, but she's like, you aren't like my son anymore.
03:37:00.000
And I had it, and the next day I was like, I have to be able to share this video.
03:37:07.000
And she was like, you'll never be my son if you do that.
03:37:16.000
She's like, I want two first-class tickets to Las Vegas.
03:37:58.000
So, you just randomly caught her farting like that?
03:38:18.000
I remember, you know, that's the magic of these, having that icon, the camera icon, is that I had said something to her.
03:38:27.000
I bet you can't fart right now, like, just randomly.
03:38:30.000
And I just happened to put my hand, I was like, oh, here's my phone.
03:38:32.000
And I just hit camera, and she turned and, like, braced the counter.
03:38:45.000
So how much do you think it wound up costing you?
03:38:50.000
I mean, there was plane tickets, hotel, gambling money, luggage.
03:38:55.000
And then, like, I bought her, like, nice luggage.
03:39:03.000
I'm like, I just bought you fucking five new bags.
03:39:05.000
She's like, yeah, but I don't have the backpack in the strip.
03:39:07.000
So, I mean, probably like $8,000 or something, you know, something like that.
03:39:15.000
And then people were like, we want to hear her fart more.
03:39:17.000
So I think they set up fartmistress.com as a site to just plead with her to fart more.
03:39:24.000
And they were saying they were going to make contributions.
03:39:29.000
They were like, let's get basically a fundraiser.
03:39:35.000
Please encourage Tom's mom to make a fart with us.
03:39:41.000
The farting thing, there's a whole fetish group.
03:39:46.000
We talked about it, and we had people wrote in, and they said the theme we saw the most...
03:39:53.000
In that, the turn on these guys said was the pretty girl doing the dirty, stinky thing.
03:40:07.000
You're saying she's so beautiful and she's doing this nasty thing.
03:40:17.000
All those, I think, come from childhood, right?
03:40:19.000
Yeah, because some guys like girls to fart on them.
03:40:30.000
Shit, like, all the kinks, I kind of go like...
03:40:33.000
Even if it doesn't turn me on, I go, oh, I see...
03:40:36.000
When you see, like, people turned on by shit, I'm like, yeah, you lost me, man.
03:40:45.000
There was always this rumor, this famous Hollywood star, who shall remain unnamed, who liked women to do...
03:40:52.000
What do they call it when the girl shits on a glass table?
03:40:59.000
Hot Carl was without the table, but there's levels of it.
03:41:02.000
Yeah, but there's a thing, like fishbowl or something like that, I forget what it's called, where someone lies on the table, underneath the table, glass table, and they look up and their thing is like watching the girl's asshole open up and just drop a stinky shit right on the table.
03:41:17.000
I mean, I can get why you'd watch that, but it doesn't get my dick hard.
03:41:37.000
A buddy of mine told me he went over to his girl's house.
03:41:40.000
And he went to her bathroom and she had a floater.
03:41:42.000
And he said he just completely lost interest in having sex with her.
03:42:06.000
Are you worried that you're going to run out of videos?
03:42:14.000
You go, you always want to change kind of the theme.
03:42:21.000
That's why we try to raise the entire production value.
03:42:27.000
That was probably a 30 minute thing in a three and a half hour thing.
03:42:32.000
What happens is the people who are getting these YMH lives, they go, let's see what you got on the heavy segment.
03:42:45.000
Like, we're going to shoot it, not stream it live, shoot it and cut it and release it, but we're doing it in front of a live audience, and that'll come out in May.
03:42:58.000
I think we'll probably take June down and then maybe do one in July.
03:43:03.000
Well, when you do one out here, can I sit on the couch?
03:43:29.000
And we've got to talk all those other losers into moving here, too.
03:43:36.000
Well, I can't wait to bring you to what we're going to build.