Joe and Allie talk about their recent trip to the ER, how to get an STD test, and what it's like to be a kid in your late 20s and early 30s. Also, Allie gets sick, and Joe finds out that he has an STD. Joe also talks about how he thinks kids should stop being kids when he gets off his parents' insurance in September, and why he doesn't want to be an adult until he's 30. Allie talks about getting sick and how she's trying to figure out if she has chlamydia or something else. Joe talks about his fear of getting an STD, and how he found out he has coochididiosis, which is a new STD that he didn't even know he had until a few weeks ago. And they talk about when they first met and how they met, and then Allie tells the story of how she found out she had an STD and how it turned out she didn't have it at all. They also talk about how they got sick. and how to deal with it. It's a good ol' ol' day in the life of an adult in their 30s and 40s. This episode was brought to you by The Joe Rogan Experience, a podcast by day, by night, all day. Check it out! Thank you for listening to Joe's podcast, Joe! . Thanks for listening and supporting the pod! , Allie . . . Joe Rogans and Joe's new book, The Joe's New Book, The Other People's New York Times, , and much more! Joe's Podcast by Nightlife is out now! Check out his new book on amazon.co/thejoejoesjoe to buy a copy of the book, to help raise money for Joe's book, "Joe Rogan's New Year's Day and more in the next episode of the podcast coming out soon! to be released on the podcast, coming out in March by the end of the month! by Joe s new book "The Joe's Oldest Brother's New Years Eve by Allie's new novel, "The Realest Thing" by Joe s New Year s Day by his good friend, and the book "Joe's New Day's Day"
00:00:32.000I think kids should stop when I'm off my parents' insurance in September.
00:00:38.000Then you'll call me an adult and I'll break my arm and I'll be like, Joe, can you help?
00:00:43.000I remember when I was a kid, I would hear, when I was a kid, when I was in my 20s, I would hear men that were in their late 30s and 40s calling their significant other their girlfriend.
00:00:53.000And I was like, that's a 39-year-old woman.
00:02:54.000So I thought I didn't have it, but there was part of me that was like, this could be it, but I tested negative.
00:02:58.000Why did that particular testing center have a lot of false negatives?
00:03:02.000Because the guy who created, it's called Curative Corps, and the guy who started it, I guess, was like a tech dude in SF, and when COVID hit, he's like, here's a money opportunity for me.
00:03:14.000I'll just get a bunch of tests, make them happen quickly, and so he did that, and he made it happen, but there were a lot of false negatives reported.
00:03:35.000And that's the thing is I was, like, trying to, obviously when I got sick, I'm like, there's a chance that it could be COVID, so I'm not going to, like, be raging or anything when I'm not feeling good.
00:03:45.000And so I just laid low, but that would be such a fear for me, is, like, going over to see my parents.
00:03:51.000Because there's this weird thing where, like, young people my age and, like, boomers my parents' age, they both kind of don't give a fuck about COVID, some of them.
00:03:58.000My parents care, but they're like, my sister, oh, she doesn't want me talking about it.
00:04:52.000But I mean, if you're living with your parents, and you're just out there getting buck wild, and you're 21 years old, When so many people were moving back in with their parents during this time because they're not making money.
00:06:13.000In least three cases, a person with no apparent motive and no history of violence brutally murdered a spouse or close friend in the wee hours after taking more than the recommended dose of Zolpidem?
00:06:29.000I typed in Ambien murders and this is what I got led to.
00:06:32.000Zolpidem, along with other psychotropic medications.
00:06:36.000Yeah, that's the thing with a lot of that stuff, is if you combine them together, like maybe you could combine it together and you'd have no problem, but maybe if Jamie combined it together, he'd have a wildly different reaction and start merking people.
00:07:00.000Well, it's funny because last time I was on your podcast, I was talking about how I like a lanky, skinny boy who needs me to snuggle for body heat.
00:07:07.000You know, that's my kind, like a breakable boy.
00:08:00.000Okay, so here's the thing I didn't know.
00:08:02.000So my mom allocated, like, a certain amount of money for me and my two sisters for when we get married, like, you know, X amount of dollars for a wedding dress, you know?
00:08:14.000And last year, I think, like, 2020, when I did my 2019 taxes or 2020 taxes or something, I didn't realize with comedy you're supposed to be...
00:08:22.000I've always been, like, a W-2 employee.
00:08:24.000I've worked at food restaurants, like, whatever.
00:10:57.000I don't know, just like booking my own flights to get to shows or like promoting my own shows and ticket sales and I don't know, just all these like weird things that come up along the way.
00:11:09.000Like when I came to Texas, I'm like, am I supposed to rent a car?
00:11:16.000Because you were going with other people before.
00:11:18.000Before, yeah, I'd go with Santino on the road, Tony, and so I just had to show up, be on time, bring a suitcase, have some underwear to change into.
00:11:27.000You know, that's pretty much all I had to do.
00:11:29.000And now I'm the dude trying to figure out all the plans.
00:16:09.000And they have all these, there's like a blue one, that's psycho, I haven't tried that, but it's almost like a Frito, like a corn chip, but it's rolled up.
00:16:19.000It's a little roll, and then they have hot dust all over it.
00:19:48.000Well, it's embarrassing because he lives in a cul-de-sac, so if he were to ever see me, he'd know that I was only there to stop by his place.
00:19:54.000I thought you were going to say he lives in a cult.
00:20:04.000When I first got a car, I had a Jeep Grand Cherokee, and now I've upgraded to a Kia Sportage 2018. Yeah, I don't want to flex too much on this podcast.
00:20:17.000When I used to go back to high school, like to where I went to high school with, I felt like a fucking tremendous loser, like always.
00:20:23.000Just being around it brought back the exact feelings that I felt like when I was in high school.
00:20:29.000I sat in the bathroom at lunch in high school and it wasn't like it was this weird thing where I just felt different than everyone.
00:20:39.000I mean I'm sure I had like the moments of like everyone hates me they said this but I wasn't like bullied in any way but I just was like I was friends with everyone but I didn't feel like I had a place.
00:20:49.000You know, I think a lot of people feel that way.
00:20:52.000I think more people feel that way than feel like they have a place.
00:20:55.000It's just this transitionary period when you're a teenager where everything feels off.
00:21:00.000Well and it's like in high school everyone kind of has their groups like there's you know the jocks and the pretty girls and the athletes whatever and I just never felt like I really fit into a group and so I would just sit alone in the bathroom and I don't know it's so weird looking back and then how miserable I was in high school I was like so depressed.
00:21:23.000Yeah, my friends from high school all went to the other school on the other side of town.
00:22:01.000She said guess guess who sings this and I was like obviously a young lady with a beautiful voice that came from angels and she was like it's a dude who now looks like a lady.
00:22:13.000Well, he has similar characteristics to older ladies in that he's working his face up.
00:22:19.000I think I read something, though, that he has.
00:22:22.000Jamie, you know what I'm about to say.
00:25:00.000I'll take getting thrown money at, but...
00:25:02.000I think men just try to find a way to criticize a girl, to put her on her heels, so that, like, you get a little defensive, and so you're not, you know, you feel uncomfortable.
00:25:12.000So he probably feels uncomfortable, so he wants you to feel uncomfortable.
00:25:15.000So he says something like that, like, why don't you dress nicer?
00:25:19.000And you're like, oh, why don't I dress nicer?
00:25:21.000I don't give a fuck about what people say about how I dress.
00:26:28.000That objectified is a weird thing because it's like this pejorative that always gets used and I'm not always sure if it's the accurate thing to say because for sure men do objectify women sometimes.
00:26:39.000Like some men look at a woman like, I just want to dig it in a hole.
00:26:42.000Well, that's what my messages are for sure.
00:26:53.000Don't you think, though, that's, like, really dumb magic tricks?
00:26:56.000Like, like, ooh, let me see if I can trick you.
00:26:58.000You know, like, you're going to have, like, really sophisticated con artists like Bernie Madoff, and then you're going to have really bad magicians, right, that are doing obvious tricks.
00:27:08.000And it's like good comedy versus bad comedy.
00:27:11.000It's like a terrible movie versus a fucking amazing movie.
00:27:16.000And what you're getting in those DMs is just the hit version, like hit on you version of like a really shitty song or a really shitty story that someone wrote.
00:30:48.000Not common, but common enough where there's multiple examples of it where guys have enormous beach ball-sized testicles and they can barely get around.
00:31:20.000Yeah, and they have to cover, he has to cover his balls with like a tarp and like while he was eating his balls were out and on YouTube apparently because it's like not sexy at all, you're allowed to show that guy's balls.
00:31:31.000Well, they probably don't even register his balls for YouTube.
00:31:34.000Like whoever has to scan the videos is like who's to say what this is.
00:31:36.000It's like a medical condition more than his balls.
00:31:38.000Whereas like if Jamie had his balls out of his pants.
00:33:23.000And I just, yeah, when I have a plate in front of me, there's no part of my brain that goes, you've had enough, you don't need to finish all of this.
00:33:30.000Of course you got the baggy clothes too, so don't worry about it.
00:34:07.000There was one story about this, I think it was a lady, who had melted into the couch, like the fibers of her body had intertwined with the couch because she hadn't gotten off the couch in so long.
00:34:21.000And I don't know how she shit and pissed, but it probably wasn't nice.
00:34:25.000I know, at the beginning of COVID, I was like, I'm more worried about getting bed sores than COVID. I'm just lounging.
00:34:34.000Yeah, when I was at my mom's house, I was hoping that it would be done sooner, so I was like, I'll just pretend I'm at Coachella.
00:34:43.000I was tanning in the backyard, listening to EDM music, going crazy, and then once I realized that it was going to be longer, I was like, I've got to get out of this lady's house.
00:34:53.000Yeah, a lot of people thought it was going to be a two-week deal.
00:34:58.000We're just going to close everything down for two weeks.
00:35:00.000Meanwhile, California, a year later, Yeah, I mean, if we were, if the U.S. was smaller, like a place like New Zealand, that could have, you know, been helpful, but we're just too big.
00:35:11.000Well, it's not just that it's smaller.
00:37:02.000There's a company that upgrades them, and that's what I did.
00:37:04.000I bought one that's from, I bought it like a year ago, from 2016, and they put a new processor in it, they put a new solid state hard drive in it, and it has the 2015 keyboard.
00:37:14.000I don't know why these dummies just keep making these things that are shit to type on, and then they appeal to creative people.
00:41:00.000And I enjoyed it, but then I get self-conscious because I'm like, if dudes look at this, they're going to think I'm like dirty or like manly or something.
00:41:09.000Right, but a guy with armpit hair, no problem at all.
00:43:12.000And these girls were working with this very closely to paint these watches and they would lick the brush and dip it in there so they're getting this stuff and their tongues would rot off.
00:44:56.000Because it just shows you that this guy who was a loyal Marine and a soldier and who had...
00:45:03.000You know, been to war and had realized later in his life that he had risked his life for bankers and to make industry available in certain countries and that he had been lied to.
00:45:15.000And he wrote a book called War is Just a Racket.
00:45:18.000And it's an amazing book because if you look at what he wrote in 19...
00:45:23.000I want to say it's 37. When did that come out?
00:45:27.00035. 35. If you look at what he wrote in 1935, it's applicable today all around the world.
00:45:34.000Like what this guy was trying to expose about the real motivations, why politicians lead soldiers into war.
00:45:42.000Very little of it is about your safety and your health.
00:45:45.000I mean, occasionally it is, like World War II, which is kind of ironic, because World War II is right after he wrote this, whereas a war where we actually really did need to stop Hitler.
00:45:54.000But this guy wrote this book, and it just shows how many military actions are not just unnecessary, but deceptive.
00:46:19.000And as he was an old man, he was like, Jesus Christ, what have I done?
00:46:23.000That's crazy to do something thinking that...
00:46:26.000What's really crazy is that no one else did it and that he was really like the first person to publish something that became, you know, a popular piece of work where the average person like myself or you who doesn't really know that much about war could read about it and go,
00:46:44.000Like, this is what was really going on.
00:46:46.000That they were just making things safe for bankers, or they're clearing, you know, a way to get to natural resources.
00:46:52.000I think that's why there's so much, like, distrust in government and stuff now, because there's so many things that we realize later on, like, why was that so necessary?
00:47:01.000Well, not only that, I mean, you're seeing it with this administration where they're doing the same things that Trump was doing.
00:47:25.000And then Ted Cruz went down there to try to film it, and they were asking him to stop filming, like, this Biden employee's like, stop filming, stop filming, sir, please, have some respect.
00:47:33.000He's like, this is, like, you can't just make rules, like, that we can't film now.
00:47:38.000And that's how you're going to stop people from talking about this, that nothing's changed.
00:47:42.000Because they were pretending that Trump was doing this, and that it was all Trump's fault.
00:48:55.000He goes, the bottom of Mexico, those other South American countries, they're trying to get into Mexico, and the Mexicans don't want them coming into Mexico.
00:49:02.000And then you got Mexicans that are trying to get into America, and there's Americans that don't want them in America.
00:49:25.000Well, I just feel like it becomes too, like, sided.
00:49:30.000Like, we're, it's scary to talk about politics, because it can become so, like, if you say one thing that's not with, you know, some sort of, like, if it's not in an infographic on Instagram, then it's wrong, and it's all very, like, this way or that way.
00:49:45.000So I try and stay somewhat informed, but...
00:49:49.000It just feels very exhausting nowadays.
00:49:51.000What do you mean by if it's on an infograph?
00:49:54.000Like, I'm on very, like, super hyper woke Instagram, you know?
00:50:33.000To people who don't think the way you think.
00:50:34.000So you have like a lot of really aggressive, shitty guys that jump on the woke movement and use it as an excuse to vent out their cuntiness on other people.
00:50:48.000They usually have terrible relationships.
00:50:51.000They're like really volatile, angry people.
00:50:54.000And they found the wokeness as like a path to righteousness.
00:50:59.000This is the way they can feel good about screaming at people.
00:51:03.000So they'll scream about people and call them racist or homophobic or transphobic or whatever it is, whatever phobia or ist they can figure out a way to call you.
00:51:38.000It comes along and then there's a lot of good intentions.
00:51:41.000There's a lot of good thoughts behind it, but then a bunch of assholes adopt it.
00:51:45.000And those assholes use it for their own betterment.
00:51:49.000Yeah, and it's a lot of like a different end of the same token where it's like it's kind of the same rhetoric and way of going about things as people who are on the complete opposite end of the spectrum who are very hateful.
00:52:03.000It's funny because they're preaching acceptance and then canceling people for anything they can think of.
00:52:14.000Which is scary because I want to be a good person and then it's like hard because I'm like am I being the right kind of good person for these people?
00:52:24.000Well you are for now but the problem is five years from now it could be radically different.
00:52:29.000And then you can get cancelled for some shit you said now when it was acceptable.
00:52:33.000Look, we all are kind of following a hive mind, right?
00:52:37.000And there's extremes on the right and there's extremes on the left.
00:52:40.000But when you get to the really radical, shitty people on the right or the really radical, shitty people on the left, what they share in common is their adherence to a pattern.
00:52:51.000And the pattern doesn't have to be logical, it's just very tribal.
00:52:54.000Like, whoever's on that other side is a piece of shit.
00:52:57.000And, you know, they'll find reasons why that person's a piece of shit.
00:53:02.000Whether it's a person who's a left-wing person, that lefty, communist, Marxist, socialist piece of shit, they want to fucking ruin this country in this...
00:53:54.000It's a weird time because of the social media movement, because so many people are communicating online, these weird little clips of text, weird little blurbs, and they're just waiting to see how people respond to those blurbs.
00:54:10.000So it's like the shittiest way of communicating is not just...
00:54:54.000Everything can be very black and white and there's no room for gray area of like, yeah, I mean this, this is what I'm saying, I mean it, but I mean it in the context of this.
00:55:06.000Everything can be taken out of context, which is, you know, hard and...
00:55:13.000And people hold you to your words and what you say and don't let you form new opinions or beliefs based on what you've learned later on.
00:55:22.000Because they're not trying to find out what you really think.
00:57:30.000It's fun out here, because you'll just see the most random group of people hanging out.
00:57:36.000It feels like what we were just talking about.
00:57:38.000It's a very social town, and everyone's kind of buddies with each other, and there's a feeling that you're home, even if you've never been here.
01:04:27.000I've seen some crazy pictures online, too, of what happens when someone hits a car with a deer, where the deer goes through the windshield and the inside of the car is just a Jackson Pollock splatter painting of guts and blood.
01:04:43.000Because when they hit the car, their body's falling apart and they go through the windshield and everything just bursts.
01:04:49.000And the inside of the car was just all guts and meat.
01:15:34.000Because she's fucking 10. Do you get nervous?
01:15:37.000I watched this YouTube documentary called The Dangers of Social Media 2.0.
01:15:45.000And the way that kind of like pornographic images are being shown to our kids, even if you have like parental controls, it shows up in weird ways and kind of subtly.
01:17:27.000Yeah, and I grew up having access to the internet, and I kind of have a vague memory of high-speed dial-up internet, the noise that it made.
01:17:40.000But then, even for me, it was so quick into online stuff and being connected into the internet, but it's so much faster now, like babies with iPads and stuff.
01:17:54.000Yeah, well, if you leave your kid alone with an iPad that has an internet connection and a Google account, especially if there's a couple of them together, they're always like, you know what I found?
01:18:04.000And then next thing you know, the kids are looking at some fucking snuff film.
01:18:29.000So much, and you don't even really realize it.
01:18:33.000Well, I mean, there's always, like, some guy that you hear of that's got, like, people locked up in his basement and he's had them down there for ten years and they finally get out.
01:18:42.000You know, how many stories of those have you heard?
01:18:44.000And they always have, like, a spouse, a partner.
01:18:46.000I'm like, how do you guys find that you have that in common?
01:19:01.000And now, like it was saying in the documentary, because at the time my parents grew up, it became dangerous to be outside because people would get kidnapped or, you know, you just hear of all these horror stories of kids being out, hitchhiking, whatever.
01:19:14.000And so a lot of parents don't want their kids being out, but crime has gone down in that way so much since then.
01:19:20.000Because people aren't hitchhiking, right.
01:19:21.000Yeah, and so now kids are just inside on their phones because they don't play outside as much.
01:19:26.000Yeah, I've heard some horror stories about Uber, though.
01:19:28.000About girls, you know, getting attacked by their Uber drivers.
01:19:32.000I've been in some creepy Ubers where I start recording on my phone the audio because I'm like, I don't know how this is going to play out.
01:19:40.000I remember one time I was in the back of this dude's Uber in Hollywood and he was just saying like, I don't even remember what it was, but it was so creepy.
01:19:48.000And I think women have like this radar like within them, you know, when you can just tell something's off.
01:19:56.000A guy could be totally normal, but there's just something in you that's like, I'm getting a weird vibe.
01:20:02.000And he was just saying things, and I was like, oh, I'm sorry, I don't want to talk, and just asking me weird questions.
01:20:07.000It was a long time ago, but I remember hitting record on my phone because I'm like, this guy's in full control right now, unless I jump out the back.
01:20:32.000He's doing Airbnbs and stuff now, but...
01:20:34.000Yeah, there's a lot of people that do that That uber thing where they're driving people around all day long and you know like that's their social interaction is interacting with people and Some people just want to ride and then all sudden you're realizing like you're paying for the most uncomfortable Conversation you could ever have yeah,
01:20:54.000you're like oh great now I have to and then you know sometimes you get in a car and someone you know Trump got a real bad rap like oh no And you realize you're going to listen to this QAnon guy who's driving you around.
01:21:20.000But what if you're with your friend and you guys are, you know, you've got plans, you've got something important to talk about, and this guy starts yapping at you.
01:23:01.000I remember when I first got to do a show with you, it was obviously a big deal to me, so I'm telling my aunt, I'm like, I get to do a show with Joe Rogan.
01:23:36.000Because some people are having really bad reactions when they get the vaccination and they've had COVID, especially the second vaccination, because it's just an overwhelming experience for your body to be battling it out like that.
01:23:49.000I don't know why, but see if you can Google that.
01:25:15.000That they put a fence around the church, and then these people tried to go to the church anywhere and wear no masks, and then something like 200 cops were at the church.
01:26:02.000Well, their response to that wasn't, oh my god.
01:26:05.000People don't want to be treated this way.
01:26:07.000They don't want to be yelled at like they're criminals just because they're at church because I guess they have some regulations about church in Canada, particularly in this area.
01:26:17.000I think it's Canada universally because there's some anti-lockdown riots that were going on last night in Montreal.
01:26:24.000So this church, the next step was these cops show up in full riot gear and some of them had gas masks because they were going to pepper spray people at a fucking church because these people were openly celebrating and I guess they weren't wearing masks or they weren't following whatever national protocols they have.
01:27:18.000Yeah, well, there's something wrong with the volume or the sound on that particular copy of the video, but the other one was a little clearer.
01:27:25.000But then, yesterday, it escalated in a huge way.
01:27:31.000I don't know if it's the same church, but there was this church where...
01:27:35.000This huge group of armed police showed up with bulletproof vests, black suits, the whole deal.
01:28:25.000They put a fence around the church to keep people from going in, and people apparently were trying to go through the fence to get to the church, and then the cops just decided to enforce things.
01:28:35.000That's why you can't just tell people what to do.
01:28:39.000You can't just decide to take away people's freedom, because this is where it goes.
01:28:43.000You'll start thinking, well, we're just trying to protect people.
01:28:48.000But then you've got to reinforce those laws.
01:29:12.000So they want freedom to practice their religion.
01:29:14.000And these cops are following some fucking crazy law that they have up in Canada or some crazy orders that someone's given them to show up, 200 of them, and shut a church service down.
01:29:28.000You know, and you could say, oh, you know, they're spreading the disease.
01:29:31.000At a certain point in time, you've got to let people be people.
01:30:26.000And the cops, they develop this us versus them mentality.
01:30:31.000And that's why these cops would show up and act like what they're doing is not some horrific crime against justice and sanity, where they show up, 200 of them, armed to a fucking church.
01:30:53.000And that's also why a lot of these really weak people, like what's scary is not that they have a different sensibility than people that are like that 21-year-old kid that got his dad sick, and the reckless people that aren't thinking things through.
01:31:09.000The real problem is That you're enforcing your way of living on other people.
01:35:43.000And it's hard because it's one of those things when you're losing weight and trying to get healthier and all of that.
01:35:48.000It's a slow process and so you don't get to see it in yourself because you see yourself every day so it doesn't feel like you're making progress so it's so easy to get discouraged and be like, this isn't helping.
01:36:22.000There's programs you can follow online that are free that can help you lose weight.
01:36:26.000There's all sorts of diets and ways to, like, count your calories and look at your expenditure and how much energy you're putting out, what you really need.
01:36:34.000And what she did was just, like, cut out flour and sugar and just that alone.
01:38:52.000Sometimes if I'm like really stressing, but it's something that I would like to do more consistently because it's not like, I feel like breathing exercises or meditation, like it's helpful if you do it every once in a while, but it's most effective if you're doing it like in a regular practice.
01:39:25.000Well, it just makes it more difficult, too, the breathing exercises.
01:39:29.000But if I do it right, I can get into this kind of crazy trance where I don't realize how much time has passed because all I'm thinking about is the breathing.
01:39:37.000So all I'm thinking about is big, long, deep breath in, big, long, deep breath out.
01:39:42.000And I read this book called Breathe by James Nestor.
01:39:48.000Interesting, interesting book on the history of Breathing exercises.
01:39:52.000Then I had him on the podcast and talked to him about it.
01:39:55.000It was a bunch of different styles of breath exercises and all the different benefits and where these things have emanated from.
01:40:04.000But all these different things that people have shown that they can do with their body from breathing exercises massively boost your immune system.
01:40:12.000Have you done, like, a breathwork class before?
01:44:13.000And then that feels like it goes on forever.
01:44:16.000But it's figuring out the ways and the tools of getting out of that.
01:44:20.000It's like, okay, well, maybe I can review my set earlier in the day and kind of just have a good day and put that to the side so I'm not hyper-focused on that and overthinking the material and letting it become rigid or something.
01:44:35.000So just kind of figuring out what works best for me and what makes me the most loose but polished at the same time.
01:44:43.000Because sometimes I'll be on stage and I'm like, am I doing a guided meditation right now?
01:44:48.000I feel like I'm listening to myself speak and that's the dangerous area for me is when I'm not present and in the moment of that because I was overthinking my entire set the whole day out of nerves or fear.
01:44:59.000And the audience can recognize that too.
01:45:07.000It's a strange art form, and no one really can tell you what to do.
01:45:12.000They can kind of tell you, I like how you did it last time, or most of the time when you do this, it's like that, but this time you did it this way, and it's better.
01:45:22.000But, you know, the way you do it is going to be different than the way Santino does it, or different than the way Diaz does it.
01:45:28.000Everybody's got a, you know, Ali Wong's got her own thing.
01:46:09.000Like, I did this bit the other day that just, I came up with it basically over the last, like, Couple of days and it was the first time I'd ever done it on stage and it crushed.
01:48:18.000Yeah, but it was so interesting because she was in the crowd of all these stars from that time, like Leo DiCaprio, young Leo in these videos.
01:51:39.000I was like 12. Is that really what happened?
01:51:43.000Yeah, so I had a contract that would like, you know, expired and then they wanted to renew it, but in a different way and sign on to Ryan's production company.
01:52:31.000No, but I'm so grateful because, I mean, I don't know if anything would have come of that or anything, but I'm glad I got to eat lunch in the bathroom alone in high school and have all of those...
01:52:46.000Isn't that funny that at the time you think of them as being the worst thing ever and then later on you realize there's kind of a gift in some of that weird angst?
01:52:55.000Especially as an artist, as someone who creates things, to be able to pull from those uncomfortable moments.
01:53:01.000I was just looking over one of my like earliest sets like one of my first things that I typed up for my first open mic and it was so sad everything ends like my punchline for every joke is like that's because I'm pathetic that's because I'm a loser and I was like what a dark place to be in or that's like my best punchline for a joke well when you started doing kill tony how long have you been doing comedy I think I was maybe like a year in,
01:53:39.000Because I had gotten kicked out for not being of age.
01:53:42.000And so once I was back in, then I started doing it.
01:53:45.000But I think it had been like maybe a year into stand-up.
01:53:48.000The Comedy Store is a place where you can only perform if you're 21, but when I was a kid, you could perform when you were 18, but you couldn't drink until you're 21. I didn't know, though.
01:53:59.000I didn't perform until I was 21, because I thought you had to wait.
01:54:02.000So I waited until just a little bit after my birthday.
01:56:07.000So it's like, it's everyone who doesn't have a job is signing up for this open mic.
01:56:11.000And then you're signing up for the next week, right?
01:56:14.000Which starts at like 6pm or something like that, maybe 5pm.
01:56:18.000But you're not signing up for the same week, right?
01:56:19.000No, you're signing up for the following week.
01:56:21.000So the first time I got there just to sign up to perform the following week, I got there like an hour early and there were already 16 people in line and they only take like the first 15. Really?
01:56:31.000So then the next time I got there, I got there like three hours early, packed a lunch just in case.
01:57:18.000And then when I was in high school, I would go to the Laugh Factory all the time and I looked up to D'Elia and I would watch him perform all the time.
01:57:26.000And I remember I was going there so often that Dom Herrera was like, are you stalking me?
01:57:31.000While he's on stage, he's like, are you stalking me?
01:57:33.000And I was like, I just want to be you, Dom.
01:59:44.000But they're not going to do it anymore, apparently.
01:59:45.000I think people were upset about that because they made it seem like they were done with it, but I believe they are still producing a show but on a different network.
02:02:02.000But right now, I'm busy trying to get the club up and running.
02:02:06.000And once the club gets up and running, once all the pieces are in place, you know, it's quite a project, the idea of starting a comedy club.
02:02:53.000Yeah, because some incorrect information is leaked out, but there's a confidentiality agreement in place until everything's Mom's the word.
02:03:05.000It's so crazy that you're doing this and to get to see it all unfold and looking back five years from now and seeing what comes.
02:03:20.000Yeah, I think it can be awesome because the goal is to do it the right way and just to make it an awesome place for people to work and an awesome place for people to see comedy.
02:03:30.000So make it as fun and as comfortable for the comics as possible, as welcoming to the comics as possible.
02:03:37.000You know, I want to set up a restaurant there so people can, like comics can eat there too.
02:04:27.000I mean, I don't want to take too long, but I want to do it right.
02:04:32.000That's as much time as it takes to do it right.
02:04:34.000But I just want to get it going, you know?
02:04:37.000I just feel like I've just stopped and thought about all the things that I loved about the store and all the things I loved about other places and all the things that I wish that comedy clubs had.
02:06:44.000Yeah, so there's places, there's things about the store that I thought were perfect, and there's things that the store, like, this needs to be fixed.
02:07:05.000Once you find that in a club, it's like you have better sets because you feel comfortable, you're relaxed, you know the people there, you know how you're going to be treated when you get there.
02:07:16.000And then you can just be let loose on stage.
02:07:18.000There's nothing to think about in terms of like...
02:08:30.000And because of COVID, everything was kind of forced to happen, you know, especially with Los Angeles still hasn't opened up comedy clubs, which is fucking crazy.
02:08:39.000I don't know what's going to happen June 15th, but apparently they're going to open up a lot of things.
02:09:40.000That's why I'm like, oh, I think it's 20% because one time I read that it was and then it's going to be like 75%.
02:09:45.000Imagine if the comedy store opened up and 200 armed cops were there like that, like that church.
02:09:51.000That's the kind of shit you're dealing with with government.
02:09:53.000Government is supposed to be people that are working for the community.
02:09:58.000They're supposed to be working for people.
02:10:00.000As soon as shit like that happens with that church, you realize like, oh, this is what happens when people think they're just allowed to tell people what to do and other people have to listen and it's mindless and the compliance is mindless.
02:11:36.000The cynical perspective is that it becomes an incremental power grab.
02:11:42.000So, like, there's a lot of things that happened after 9-11 where the government stepped in and started doing a lot of shit that they were never doing before.
02:11:52.000Like the NSA wiretapping, where there's just...
02:12:11.000There's a lot of shit going on that they...
02:12:15.000It allows them to do a lot of things without needing warrants, without needing a lot of what they normally would have used before September 11th.
02:12:25.000But because of the Patriot Act, then the Patriot Act II, they were allowed to do all this shit.
02:12:29.000And the justification was, hey, we don't ever want a terrorist attack like that to happen again.
02:12:36.000And then the TSA is telling you, you know, you have to take your fucking shoes off because some dude tried to blow his shoes up.
02:12:42.000And, you know, everyone's getting constantly checked and frisked and let me look in your bag and...
02:12:49.000It's, yeah, I was watching the Snowden movie that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in, and I was always kind of the person who's like, who cares if the government's looking at my phone?
02:13:44.000Because they haven't thought it through.
02:13:45.000And that's what people do when they have power over people.
02:13:48.000Did you see that cop that pulled over an officer in the army, a guy who was a lieutenant?
02:13:57.000And was yelling at him, the guy was nothing but polite, wound up macing them, wound up macing him, macing the officer, pulled him out of the car, assaulted him, like fucking manhandled him for nothing, did nothing, maced his dog, his fucking dog got maced, and then had to let him go,
02:14:16.000But just imagine that this is happening where people aren't getting filmed, All across the country for years and years and years and years and years.
02:16:42.000I looked up afterwards how much of what they put in the movie is true or based off of fact.
02:16:46.000It seems like almost all of the movie is based off of fact.
02:16:51.000It's about the Rampart division, right?
02:16:53.000I didn't want to spoil this thing, but that's where there's a line, apparently, according to the movie, that's drawn where there was a cop that could have said...
02:17:03.000This is what it really is, but they went with the Rampart thing anyway, which buried all of this other information and evidence and all sorts of stuff.
02:20:20.000The 7-5 is a great insight into how it goes wrong with cops.
02:20:25.000Because this guy, Mike Dowd, who's sort of the main protagonist, he's a bad guy.
02:20:33.000It's like he becomes a bad guy almost right away.
02:20:37.000And then it gets worse and worse and worse as the story goes on.
02:20:40.000As he gets deeper and deeper involved in corruption, next thing you know, he's like, he's...
02:20:45.000He's selling drugs, he's robbing drug dealers, and it's madness driving a Corvette to work, and everybody's like, where the fuck are you getting this money?
02:20:52.000They were just living like crazy people, doing coke on the job, and they're cops.
02:22:37.000Also did this great documentary on steroids and baseball with A-Rod called Screwball, where he used little kids to play the roles of the steroid dealer and the baseball player.
02:22:49.000Used little kids, and the little kids would lip-sync what these guys actually had said in real life.
02:22:56.000It's a creative and interesting way to make a documentary, but he's like child actors, like a child actor to pretend he's A-Rod, a child actor to pretend he's a steroid doctor.
02:26:01.000They've always done things to try to force people into wars and to force people to be compliant.
02:26:07.000I mean, Operation Northwoods in the 1960s, they were going to blow up jet airliners and blame it on the Cubans and force us into war with Cuba.
02:26:16.000That's, you know, Hitler burned the Reichstag.
02:26:48.000It's written by someone from the government, like a congressman.
02:26:51.000Almost the same book written like 60 years later, a little bit longer, talking about how the media doesn't talk about conspiracies because it's all a conspiracy.
02:26:59.000What do you think they're going to write about this Jeffrey Epstein shit?
02:27:03.000You want to talk about one of the craziest conspiracies of our time?
02:27:07.000I mean this one reads like a fucking movie.
02:27:10.000You got a guy who's supposedly a billionaire that is probably working for some intelligence agencies, maybe foreign intelligence agencies.
02:27:18.000He flies wealthy people, famous people, scientists, technological people.
02:27:27.000He flies them all to the island where they may or may not have fucked underage girls that they set up with cameras.
02:27:34.000So they filmed heads of state, billionaires, all these people on an island.
02:29:37.000You probably can't believe these girls are even talking to them, even if they don't do anything with them.
02:29:42.000They're taking pictures with them, these girls are hugging them, and they want to go back again.
02:29:46.000And they're getting free food and a free plane ride, and then they're getting grants, right?
02:29:50.000So they're getting money to do these things.
02:29:52.000I was talking to a scientist about it, and he goes, it wasn't even a lot of money.
02:29:55.000He goes, give them like, you know, a million dollars for this thing, a million dollars to that thing, to this guy that's supposed to be worth a billion dollars.
02:30:01.000For him, it's probably a pretty easy investment to get close to these people and to bring them to these parties and take photos with them, always taking photos of people.
02:30:10.000It's dark because if you want to believe the people that were told to give him a slap on the wrist the first time, what they had said was that he was above their pay grade and that he was someone that was protected.
02:31:01.000They've known the real Ghislaine all her life, not the fictional, one-dimensional character created by the media.
02:31:08.000It says this website was popped up to counter some toilet-flushing smears about her, where she's not flushing her toilet or something like that at her gender jail cell.
02:31:19.000So she decided that's how she's going to protest, by not flushing?
02:31:22.000That's part, I mean, maybe the media's putting that out about her, so it makes her seem...
02:31:26.000They probably broke her toilet, and then they're like, this dirty bitch doesn't even flush her toilet.
02:31:31.000Probably took the plunger out, the whole thing.
02:31:33.000I love that they're outraged about the toilet comment, but her being, you know, an apprentice to sex trafficking.
02:31:39.000They're like, we can let that slide, but if she's clogging the toilets, we need to clear her name.
02:31:44.000If they have the kind of power and the kind of influence that you would imagine they have, because you have all these people that are on that fly list, Bill Clinton flew, I think, 26, 28 times, which is kind of crazy.
02:32:04.000I mean, have you ever flown with your mom 28 times?
02:32:58.000But this is, like, it's bigger than that because, like, he got all these celebrities to come and hang with him.
02:33:05.000Like, the people on the list that flew with him, it's pretty substantial.
02:33:10.000It's probably to even it out, even out the guest book, make it look a little more normal.
02:33:14.000No, I think it's to make it more attractive to all these other people.
02:33:17.000I feel like it probably had an interest in science, legitimately, but then on top of that, you can learn a lot about things if you compromise scientists.
02:33:29.000I mean, you get the most intelligent people in the world, and you compromise them, and you have access to all kinds of crazy shit.
02:37:33.000Bill Gates buys a big farm on shopping, or buys big on farmland shopping spree, and then says Ted Turner is ranked third, Jeff Bezos is 25th, and Gates is in the 49th spot by rising.
02:40:52.000How did you know it was a ring-tailed cat?
02:40:55.000Well, someone who works for me recognized it, and then we started Googling it, and that's the little guy who, or that's the kind of little guy, or little girl, is in our neighborhood.
02:41:09.000Are they friendly, or will they like...
02:43:33.000The people that are evil, the way they're evil is believable.
02:43:37.000It's an amazing movie, if I remember correctly.
02:43:41.000I haven't seen it in a decade, but I remember loving it.
02:43:44.000It was almost like Clint Eastwood, as he got older and became a more respected actor and also then became a director, had decided, you know what, I'm going to clean this up.
02:43:57.000I'm going to make a movie that's a realistic Western.
02:45:21.000If you talk to someone who grew up in a third world country, if you talk to someone who grew up in extreme poverty or in a war zone, their idea of this would be, it would be nothing.
02:45:30.000Like, I had a friend, my friend Shuki, he was my kickboxing coach back in the day, and he was from Israel.
02:45:36.000You're like, you're sucking on that thing again.
02:48:32.000I think it would be great if we never had to be hard.
02:48:34.000But the problem is adversity for a lot of people today is overwhelming.
02:48:40.000And the overwhelming adversity of the past year has broken a lot of people.
02:48:44.000There's a lot of people that I can't talk to anymore.
02:48:46.000Because the way they handled COVID and the way they would scream at people on Twitter and the way they would act in real life, I'm like, bro, you've got to get your shit together.
02:48:54.000I know it's hard to see it because I feel like it brought out so many like neuroses in people that was kind of always there but this like really brought it to the forefront and it's hard to see them have such a you know mentally difficult response to it.
02:51:07.000Well, the Stipe Miocic-Francis and Ghanu fight, which was a couple weeks ago, that was weird because they started to let a lot of celebrities in there.
02:53:31.000If you look at all the people that I have, like Duncan and Diaz and Ari and Segura, all the guys that I started taking on the road with me, I have a good eye for when...
02:53:44.000You don't know if someone's going to make it.
02:53:55.000And the difference between someone who's got something and someone who's selling out a comedy club every weekend is just time and focus and sometimes a little boost.
02:54:06.000Like someone else coming along going, I think you're good.
02:54:54.000Being someone who's funny who's been doing it a year and someone who's funny that is headlining and killing it on the road and has got a Netflix special is just time.
02:58:28.000It's a wild way to do it, but you only get to do that once.
02:58:33.000There's no time in your life where you get to go from going to a club to going on stage in front of 1,300 people to going on stage in front of whatever it was, 11,000 people.
02:59:35.000You know, like, I'll have bad sets, and it's like, that's all part of it, you know, growing and building and getting better, and the bad sets, they hurt.
02:59:44.000They feel bad, and it can hurt your confidence, but then you have to remember, like, it's not always, you're gonna grow from this, and...
03:00:39.000Like, I knew if you can just do what you just did in front of 1,300 people, you could do it in front of 10,000 or 11,000 or whatever it was.
03:00:49.000But I would have said, dude, you're only going to get a chance to bomb one time like that in front of an arena when you really shouldn't have been doing it yet.
03:02:01.000I didn't do an arena until I was like 25 years into comedy, you know?
03:02:08.000And that's the scary thing is, like, as cool as it is, and being as somewhat newer into stand-up, you know, it's scary to say I've done an arena, but, like, I'm still really working hard on,
03:02:27.000Like, I did an arena before I even headlined, and it's like, you know, I hope people don't think that because I've had these cool experiences that I'm like a...
03:02:36.000Well, you're still out there grinding.
03:02:38.000I think that's really, that's very important.
03:02:57.000The first time I saw Laura, she was on stage, Burt and I had come from the main room, we had a couple drinks in the back bar, and they were walking by the OR, and we said, let's just go see who's on stage.
03:03:07.000And Burt and I sat in the back, and Laura fucking killed.
03:03:24.000And it's like, that's where comedy comes alive.
03:03:29.000It comes alive in all these different venues.
03:03:32.000In a big crowd where you get a packed spot in the main room, or a little shitty show where it's like, you know, there's 13 people left in the audience and you go up and you just, you catch a vibe.
03:03:49.000Like doing the 13 or the 13 audience member room and the 10,000 person arena like both like you can learn from any set that you have and no set is necessarily better than the other but I'll tell you an arena feels good.
03:04:20.000But I'm so grateful because it's so cool to to not just to do the arena but to see but to see someone like you who takes someone like me who had only been doing stand-up at that time for like four five years To see the way that you treat me and your feature act and the things that we get to do,
03:04:42.000that's so fun to witness because I want to one day have my own arena shows.
03:04:50.000That's my dream is to be able to be in that position to fly someone out first class for the first time and You know, get a big steak before the show or after the show and like, you know, all of those things that's just so special about comedy because like,
03:05:36.000Did you ever think your stand-up would be at the place where it's at when you started in terms of, not in terms of success, but in terms of material?
03:06:51.000I was so cooked because I was doing stand-up and I was doing Fear Factor constantly and then Doug and I did the man show for a couple years in there too and I was just and I was I was not saying no to anything.
03:07:02.000I was saying yes to every fucking show that came along so I was fried.
03:07:05.000But I feel like also that experience Fear Factor and everything from that probably even if you weren't doing stand-up as much like allowed you to figure out yourself in a different way outside of stand-up.
03:08:00.000You know, it's great to have the money and it's great to have the freedom.
03:08:04.000And that freedom is very valuable because the freedom to not worry about, not make decisions based on money is And to not protect, you know, like worry about what you say.
03:08:15.000I don't want to piss people off and not get a gig or not get a this.