In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience, Joe talks about his recent encounter with a homeless person, and how he managed to get into trouble with the law while out and about in the streets of Austin, Texas, Texas. Joe also talks about how he almost got into a fight with a man on a BMX-style bike, and the time he was accosted by two men who wanted to buy drugs from him. And then he talks about a recent encounter he had with a racist white guy on a bike that almost caused him to be kicked off the street by a group of other black people, and why he decided to move into the streets to escape them. And then, he tells a story about a woman who offered him a ride home from a night out in the middle of the night, and what he did to make sure he didn't get into any trouble with anyone else. It's a good one, and it's a funny one, so don't miss it! Thanks to our sponsor, Droga5, for sponsoring this episode. We hope you enjoy it, and if you like it, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and tell a friend about it. We'd love to hear your thoughts on it. and we'll try to make it even better next week. Thanks again for supporting the show. -Joe Rogan Podcast -Jon Sorrentino The Joe Rogans Podcast by day, by night, All day, All Day All Night All Day by Night Podcast by Night, all day all day by Night and Day, by Night all day, and by Night by Day and Night by Night - by Night. Thank you for listening to this podcast, Jon Rogan, Jon, and Night and Night, and all day and Night all by Day, and Thank You for listening, and Good to have a good night! -A Good Night, Gotta Have It All Day, Good Night. - Thank You, Jon & Night, Thank You. -Jon and Rebecca Jon and Rebecca, Thank you, Jon and Brett, and God Bless You, Blessings, and Much Love, Bless, and Blessings & Blessings Blessings and Good Blessings. -Amen and Night Night Night, -Vibes, XOXOXO, Cheers, Cheers and Good Night - Kristy, Thank You... -JOE
00:01:45.000Well, unhoused people that seem, you know, unwell, and they're kind of everywhere, which evidently they just passed a law, but it hasn't been enforced.
00:03:02.000Although I have been doing mixed martial arts, but we can get to that later.
00:03:06.000So I was walking up the street, and I'm like, all right, so far, so good.
00:03:09.000And then I started to get closer, and I saw these two guys walking towards me, and they seemed like ne'er-do-wells.
00:03:17.000Just, you know, by the way they were presenting themselves.
00:03:20.000And then there was a guy on a bicycle, like a BMX-style bike, who kind of was with them and then rode ahead and kind of did like a loop behind me.
00:03:29.000So then I was like, all right, this feels unsafe.
00:03:32.000So I kind of just moved to the street, like off the sidewalk, but still right next to the sidewalk.
00:03:38.000And then the two guys, as they passed, were like, look at this motherfucker, this racist-ass motherfucker moving into the street, this white guy this.
00:04:03.000So I stepped off the sidewalk, and he kind of called that out, and then as we passed each other, I could still hear him kind of like mumbling.
00:04:11.000They seemed like they were fucked up, but...
00:04:13.000So they were still kind of mumbling, and then I came to the intersection, which is where I guess that homeless shelter is, and there was like 40 homeless people, not like sleeping in tents on the sidewalk, but like fighting, yelling, bottle smashing.
00:04:28.000And I was just like, I don't feel like walking through that.
00:04:46.000So then I was like, I'll cross 7th back over there and just start walking back to my hotel so I don't have to walk through whatever this scene is.
00:04:52.000And then as I was walking back that way, they were a little ways ahead of me, and for whatever reason, they decided to cross back across the street.
00:07:43.000Did you see that there's a new video of a lady cop beating the shit out of a bunch of people in a bar?
00:07:49.000This lady cop, roundhouse kicks this guy and then this lady punches her from the side and she fucking lines up like a karate punch and straight blasts her in the face.
00:07:58.000The lady's at the bar all fucked up, but it's crazy.
00:08:01.000It's like she's got her hair in a ponytail and shit and she's out there doing karate on people.
00:08:06.000Well, I mean, I've said this for years.
00:08:11.000You can't just get in fights with people because now so many people train in mixed martial arts and all this shit, including myself, but I suck and I'm a cunt.
00:08:21.000Yeah, so it's like I've met people, there's comics that I know that just look like nerdy guys and they're like jujitsu blue belts or brown, whatever.
00:11:41.000There's a few guys like that that are really good athletes that start off in other sports and then they make their way into MMA. Well, I was a cross-country star in high school, so I think that might kind of translate into...
00:13:04.000I have no idea, but it seems like they're just doing natural pull-ups and shit.
00:13:09.000If you could get a guy from, like, the rings, like a guy who does that kind of shit, and then teach him how to strangle people, like, look at these motherfuckers.
00:16:29.000The last time I went, I was barbecued.
00:16:31.000And when you are there in this sort of very surreal, fantastic theater environment with sounds and lights and everything, and you see the athleticism that these people have, and then you hear the amazing songs, you kind of forget how good Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds is.
00:16:49.000You forget how good some of their fucking songs are, and then you see it with this.
00:19:30.000There's only there's at least one that's available on YouTube that you could listen to and you hear the guy sing and you're like oh my god like this was someone who didn't make this choice for himself someone whoever it was gave him off to whoever who castrated him as a young boy before his testosterone hit and he's got this strange voice and this voice was something that they cultivated And that they would specifically choose boys who
00:26:54.000Yeah, the thing about pills is I think you can take the same amount you took the night before, but your body just reacts differently the next night.
00:27:23.000This is like years, like 03. I was going to the New York Film Academy because I wanted to be an actor for a minute.
00:27:29.000And I saw him at a bar or a restaurant and I was hammered and I walked up to him and he was like with this woman and I just walked up and I said, the only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone when you're uncool, which is a line from Almost Famous.
00:27:45.000And then he looked at me and went, Yeah.
00:27:48.000And you could tell he just wasn't half in it.
00:27:50.000And so I felt awkward because somehow I thought he was going to be like, oh my god, that fucking movie, amazing, sit down.
00:28:22.000I really thought, I mean, I was 21 and drunk and thought, man, when I say this line, he's going to like, shit, this is going to be something.
00:28:29.000Because you wanted to be an actor, so you probably delivered it with like...
00:28:33.000That might have been the end of my experience of like, that's no good, I can't do that.
00:28:39.000What kind of acting did you want to do?
00:28:40.000I guess, I mean, I still like the idea of doing like, I was always obsessed with movies and wanted to, I really wanted to be a filmmaker.
00:28:48.000I wanted to be like Martin Scorsese or Woody Allen professionally.
00:28:54.000We were talking today, or yesterday rather, with Russell Peters about when was the last time you saw a good comedy movie and can you make a good comedy movie anymore?
00:29:02.000Or have they made it so dangerous in terms of being cancelled that comedy movies are no longer something you can do?
00:29:11.000There's a movie called, I think it's called The Overnighters.
00:30:40.000But don't you find there's never been, maybe I'm wrong, I feel like, maybe I'm such a comedy cunt that I'm like, don't you feel like there's never been a ton of great comedy films?
00:30:51.000I feel like there's like a few a decade.
00:31:29.000Like, if you try to watch Step Brother today...
00:31:31.000Fucking rock-solid funny movie man really funny right I was crying like crying laughing there's some really funny moments in that movie We like I forgot how good this is when he rubs his balls over the dudes drum set right like there's so many of these moments where you're like this is So crazy.
00:31:48.000But it feels like now people are getting more comedy from podcasts and stand-up than movies because it's making, like I watched the Oscars and they didn't even make a joke.
00:31:58.000There was like zero jokes because everybody's so afraid to be funny.
00:32:22.000Well, when Kevin Hart didn't do it because they wanted him to apologize for jokes that were homophobic for many years ago, and he said, look, I'm not going to do this.
00:32:33.000I've already apologized for those jokes.
00:33:06.000I was listening to a podcast the other day that I love that's sort of like a mental health podcast and this lady was telling the host who's like a straight white guy he was like I'm learning about privilege and he was saying even my self-deprecating humor is a little bit offensive because I think?
00:33:53.000It keeps going further and further and further down the line.
00:33:56.000And if you get to the point where you capitulate, where you agree to all these demands, it will eventually get to straight white men are not allowed to talk.
00:35:14.000If you're a human being, you should be able to express yourself.
00:35:16.000You shouldn't have to take into account all the other people that are either not heard or not expressing themselves currently or not in the same whatever category.
00:36:18.000Some people tell you the term Eskimo is offensive, but then in some parts of the world, some parts of this, I think in Alaska, they actually call themselves Eskimos.
00:37:48.000They'll do it with helicopters, they'll fly over with planes, and they'll get a...
00:37:54.000Assessment of like, say of like mountain goats.
00:37:56.000Like, okay, we counted 200 mountain goats in this particular mountain range and we've decided that we can give out 10 tags with an estimate of a 50% success rate, which is usually pretty high.
00:38:11.000So if we lose five animals, they're going to have a bunch of babies, and some of those babies will be gone.
00:40:24.000And then a lot of the tribes, like, they don't even want to recognize that there is a Canada or a United States.
00:40:30.000Like, some of the Lakota tribes, they went up to Canada to avoid being captured by the federal government when they were, like, when they were rounding up tribes and putting them in reservations.
00:40:43.000They went up to Canada for a while, but they were freezing to death, and they came back.
00:40:53.000It's one of the books on Native Americans that I've read that describes this journey where they had gone up to Canada to try to avoid being...
00:41:05.000In their lifetime, it went from this way of life where you're Roaming the plains, hunting and fishing and living off the land to all of a sudden the white man shows up and by the time you're an old man, your whole village is now locked up in a reservation and you're forced to go to schools and they cut your hair and it's like...
00:41:26.000Like, huge destruction of their identity and their, you know, the way they felt about each other's self-esteem.
00:41:34.000And they talk about all these problems that these Native American tribes went through with their, like, massive substance abuse because of severe depression, because their way of life had been taken from them.
00:41:45.000That's also the origin of the Ghost Dance.
00:41:48.000The Ghost Dance was a dance that they did where they were trying to summon something to kill off the white people.
00:41:58.000Because these people were destroying their way of life and they felt like if they just called upon whatever they were trying to summon, they could do something to bring back their way of life.
00:42:29.000So is it fair then that they can get some extra fish because of all this, or at some point we should be like, all right, we had enough fish?
00:42:37.000I don't know if fair is a good word, but it is fucked up beyond belief.
00:42:40.000If you go and go to a Native American reservation, you see the bleak poverty and the amount of people that are addicted to drugs and alcohol and how sad and depressed it is.
00:42:51.000There's some great books that people have written about life on the reservation.
00:43:51.000The book investigates a series of murders of wealthy Osage people that took place in Osage County, Oklahoma in the early 1920s after big oil deposits were discovered beneath their land.
00:44:03.000After the Osage were awarded rights and courts to the profits made from oil deposits found on their land, the Osage people prepare for receiving the wealth to which they are legally entitled from sales of their oil deposits.
00:44:18.000However, a long and complex process of custodianship is imposed upon the distribution of the process from the sales being made for very high profits and very few, if any, Osage people see any of this money.
00:44:33.000Still, the legal owners of the land for profit, which is in...
00:44:39.000The elements hostile to the Osage people then decide that they could greatly simplify their profit-mongering of the oil profits by eliminating those who they consider to be operating as the middleman before they can abscond with the oil profits.
00:44:55.000The Osage are viewed as the middleman and a complex plot is hatched to put into place to eliminate the Osage people Inheriting this wealth from oil profits on a one-by-one basis by any means possible.
00:45:10.000Officially, the count of the murdered, full-blood, wealthy Osage reaches at least 20. But Grand suspects that hundreds more may have been killed because of their ties to oil.
00:45:36.000I assume Bill Hale will be DiCaprio, maybe?
00:45:40.000William King Hale, or Bill Hale, was an American cattleman and convicted murderer.
00:45:46.000Hale was a prominent figure on the Osage Indian Reservation in what was then the Indian Territory where he built the noted Hale Ranch and made a fortune raising cattle.
00:47:29.000Seems like 60s everything was like psychedelic and wild and Hendrix and Zeppelin and then the 70s it kind of got strange for a decade and still really great and great movies and great films and then towards the end of it kind of got super weird in the 80s and the 80s was like everyone was on coke.
00:55:55.000No one's got a mask on, they're all wandering around.
00:55:57.000There was a New York Times article that said that there's never been one single recorded case of anyone getting coronavirus from being outside.
00:56:23.000Under 10% of transmissions happen outdoors, but the real number is like.01%, so it's a misleading stat to say under 10%, whereas it is under 10%, but it's under 1%.
00:57:14.000That benchmark seems to be a huge exaggeration, Dr. Mujsevic, a virologist at the University of St. Andrews.
00:57:25.000In truth, the share of transmission that has occurred outdoors seems to be below 1% and maybe below 0.1%.
00:57:33.000Multiple epidemiologists told me the rare outdoor transmission that has happened almost all seems to have involved crowded places or closed conversation.
00:57:55.000Jaws, another great movie from the 70s.
00:58:55.000Well, I was out there, and then we were hiking in Mount Hood, and there was an older couple that had stopped on the mountain, and as I was passing them, the guy was like, oh, sorry.
00:59:18.000Reading the articles like we're outside in the middle of the woods.
00:59:21.000You're well Some people don't have a chance right like how many fucking articles can you read?
00:59:26.000You know if you're out there living your life and you're working all day and you have a family and what have you like Do you really have the time to read these fucking articles and try to keep up with what's the latest?
00:59:36.000Well, I guess, but not that specific article, but I feel like we've known for a while that outdoor transmission.
00:59:41.000But also, you know, you're making me feel like a jerk now.
01:01:43.000I always say, I was talking to Brian Regan, I'm really name dropping here, but I was hanging out with Brian Regan, and we were talking about our fake jobs on the road, and I said, I always say I'm visiting, my friend just had a baby, that's why I'm in town, if a cab driver asked me.
01:02:00.000And it always worked, and nobody ever questioned it, but then Regan was like, what?
01:02:04.000He's like, who gets on a plane to go visit their friend's baby?
01:02:08.000And then Regan goes into his Regan voice, and he's like, my friend had a baby in St. Louis, and next week my friend had a baby in Kansas City.
01:02:15.000He's done the whole thing shitting on me.
01:02:16.000But he was telling a story where him and his brother golfed, and it was just the two of them, and they put him with another pair.
01:04:19.000Yeah, if you're young and you're starting out, you can see somebody and it'll really throw a fucking monkey wrench into your idea of what's funny.
01:04:26.000Yeah, it's like, oh, this is a better class.
01:04:29.000And someone has to be like, no, no, he's just like the best guy you're seeing.
01:07:47.000I've been in your front bushes since 10 a.m., I have mad panics if I have to take a shit and someone's got the light and you don't know what to do.
01:07:55.000Like, if you've got to do an hour and you have to take a shit, and then I'm giving them the light, like, oh no.
01:09:17.000It's funny you say that because Ari's a friend of yours and a good friend of mine and I send him my shits all the time and Bob Kelly I'll send my shits to.
01:09:25.000There's certain people that it's fun and you do it and then they send me theirs and I want to throw up.
01:09:31.000Do you think regular folks do that or it's only comedians?
01:09:33.000No, and I have an anecdote about that.
01:12:29.000And these giant shit logs just washed up on the shore, and you had to try to figure out a way to get them down in there while you're dry heaving.
01:18:15.000So that when we encounter the things that they just have no problem whatsoever processing, we're like on the bowl all day.
01:18:21.000Yeah, a friend of mine was talking, this doctor, and he said, even if you didn't drink the water, just like the food, there's just different types of bacteria that we're just not used to, even if you're just eating the regular or whatever.
01:18:37.000You know, you get so much bacteria just from touching things and then touching your mouth or touching your food and then it gets in your mouth.
01:21:08.000But, no, I feel good, but in my mind, like, I've read articles that the vaccines are miraculous and amazing and all this shit, so I'm like, I'm not...
01:21:27.000No, you should definitely take vitamins because there have been a lot of what they call breakthrough cases of people that are vaccinated and still get sick, although the CDC doesn't count those.
01:21:37.000They're only counting people that are hospitalized or dead after breakthrough cases.
01:21:42.000Because the whole idea behind being vaccinated is it's supposed to prevent you not necessarily 100% from getting sick, But definitely help if, you know, keep you from getting really sick.
01:21:55.000So their idea is like there's going to be some breakthrough cases depending upon your immune system, how you take care of yourself, vitamins, whether you're run down, all the above.
01:24:16.000A man and a woman, they got out and then they were wandering around and they got them like a half hour later.
01:24:22.000But they had this elaborate way of getting out where they listened to the keypad, you know, and they figured out what the number sequence was to unlock the door.
01:24:37.000But like, should someone who's that clever be locked in a fucking house?
01:24:41.000And should you have the ability to tell them they can't go anywhere?
01:24:43.000Because the idea is, like, if you really want them to be under 24-hour care and supervision and, you know, locked down like that where they can't go anywhere...
01:24:53.000Shouldn't the idea be that they're compromised?
01:26:54.000An elderly couple in Tennessee briefly escaped from a secure memory care unit at an assisted living facility earlier this year after cracking the code for the electronic door according to a report on the incident.
01:27:07.000The unnamed couple have dementia and Alzheimer's disease respectively.
01:27:12.000They successfully figured out the door code and walked out of the facility in Lebanon, Tennessee.
01:27:17.000They were found by a stranger about 30 minutes later and returned to the home.
01:27:20.000They were not harmed during the short excursion which occurred on March 2nd.
01:27:24.000The man later explained that he had previously worked with Morse code in the military Use that experience to decipher the code to open the door and leave, according to the report from the Tennessee Board for Licensing Healthcare Facilities.
01:27:37.000The facility in question has been fined $2,000 following the incident and has changed all the codes for its exits.
01:27:43.000How the fuck are they supposed to know that this guy's going to figure out the code by listening?
01:28:18.000She plays such a good psycho, but it's about a lady who scams people into these old folks' care facilities and has them locked and then profits off of them, and she has this huge roster of people that she's collecting money off of that she locks in these old folks' homes and then Once she gets them in there,
01:28:35.000she takes all their possessions and auctions them off.
01:28:54.000Do you think that is going to go away, this people are mad thing?
01:28:57.000Because it seems like people got more mad over the last year, and I attributed a lot of it to being locked down, not being able to go outside, not having their job anymore, not having the regular life that we're accustomed to.
01:29:16.000I think a lot of this stuff has always been going on.
01:29:18.000It's just social media, you hear about it more.
01:29:20.000Because you always hear these stories in the 70s or whatever, where the switchboard was lighting up and they got 300,000 calls, but you only hear, we got 300,000 calls.
01:30:12.000I forget the stat, and maybe it's look-up-able, but, like, Twitter, like, 88% of the country is not on Twitter, and then 90% of people on Twitter don't even tweet.
01:31:25.000To me, for a while, it felt like it was mostly jokes, and now it feels like a very toxic...
01:31:30.000Yeah, it was mostly jokes with us, with our immediate group, but then something happened during the lockdown with a lot of comics that aren't working.
01:31:38.000They weren't working before very much, and then it all got shut off, and then when certain people started working again, they were bitching about those people working.
01:31:46.000And you couldn't tell if they were really legitimately concerned those people were out there super spreading or whether they were just upset that these people were working and they weren't.
01:31:55.000You know, it's like probably a little bit of both in some cases, but it just got to be like not fun.
01:32:07.000This is talked about so much, but there's a lot of stuff in comedy where people are angry, tweeting about things, and it's gotten really serious.
01:32:19.000Again, it all comes back to movies and Scorsese, but there's the great scene in Casino where Pesci's talking about how De Niro takes gambling so serious, and he's like...
01:32:28.000He's like, a million times I had to say, we're supposed to be robbing this place, you dumb motherfucker, whatever.
01:33:11.000And it's weird, and that's another reason to stay off social media as much as possible, because I see people that I love in person, and they're so fun or funny or just good people.
01:33:20.000And then I'll read what they're writing and I'm like, oh my god, this is appalling.
01:37:28.000Duncan Trussell's really into Jack Kornfield.
01:37:30.000Yeah, Duncan Trussell's somebody that people tweet all the time, like, you guys should know each other, because we're always talking about the same kind of shit.
01:40:09.000I remember the first time I went to New Orleans, when you're just walking on the street and you see everybody just drinking, open, carrying their booze, just walking on the street.
01:40:18.000You just walk down the street with beverages.
01:40:21.000Yeah, that's a town I never went to when I was drinking, and I'm kind of grateful.
01:42:02.000I still have, the only times I feel like drinking and not legitimately, but when I see someone like leave like half a beer, I'm like, what are you, what?
01:42:16.000I smoked weed, but I was never a weed guy, because I got anxious and I hated myself.
01:42:21.000I feel like I missed this new thing of like, this weed is for when you're visiting your grandmother, and this weed is for fucking, you're under the stock.
01:44:31.000I mean, I feel that way going back to MMA, like, my trainer will show me how to do a leg kick, and he's just showing me, and I'm like, ah, that sucked.
01:44:39.000And he's just going like, this is what you should do, and he lands it.
01:44:42.000Yeah, and I'm like, that's like the worst thing I've ever experienced.
01:44:45.000That's why when I watch MMA now, which I'm new to watching the sport, I'm like, I don't understand.
01:44:50.000I ask him, like, how does that not end the fucking fight when one of those leg kicks?
01:44:55.000But I guess it's just pain and you deal with it or fight through it, whatever, I guess, whatever the fuck, adrenaline, dopamines of running, whatever.
01:45:04.000In adults, a minimum toxic dose of acetaminophen is a single ingestion of 7.5 to 10 grams.
01:45:13.000Acute ingestion of 150 milligrams per kilogram or 12 grams of acetaminophen in adults is considered a toxic dose and carries a high risk of liver damage.
01:45:30.000And one is usually around 200 to 400. There may be some that you can get that are 600 or 800, I think, but usually it's 200 to 400, I think, from my memory.
01:46:35.000I heard the story, my favorite fucking story ever is, I think Rob Reiner told it in that HBO doc where Andre would have these crazy farts and he had a fart that was 17 seconds long, which is the funniest thing I've ever heard.
01:46:47.000Like if you, I've tried to like time like a like that was like one and a half seconds and he farted for 17 straight seconds and Rob Reiner goes- Look at that, look at that.
01:46:57.000Look at that fucking beer can in his hand.
01:48:10.000I've been getting, like, I'm not a wrestling fan, but I was huge into it from, like, 88 to 92 when I was a kid, when you're supposed to be into it.
01:48:42.000I want to know everything about all that shit.
01:48:43.000Well, what I'm always fascinated by is their tolerance for pain.
01:48:48.000Knowing the kind of pain that I'm in just from regular working out and what those guys are.
01:48:55.000Jiu-jitsu is easy compared to pro wrestling because pro wrestling they're fucking lifting each other and slamming each other and they're doing it on the road multiple nights a week.
01:49:06.000So they're on the road like hundreds of days a year they're performing and they're throwing each other and slamming each other and they're always in agony.
01:49:14.000And when The Undertaker was on, he was talking about the fucking fractures of the eye socket that he suffered.
01:49:21.000Both of his eye sockets, his orbitals were fractured where they had to go in and go behind the eyeball and patch the bone.
01:49:31.000And put, like, fucking braces so his eyeball doesn't fall into his brain.
01:51:49.000Well, you know, a lot of these dudes also, you've got to realize, like, they're getting concussions all the time.
01:51:54.000And when you get hit and you get a concussion, it's easier for you to get knocked out afterwards, like for, you know, a period of time, whether it's months or weeks.
01:52:03.000After you get knocked out, it's really easy to get knocked out again.
01:52:06.000We've had that happen with guys in the UFC that fought.
01:52:11.000And got knocked out, and it looks crazy.
01:52:13.000Like, it looks like it doesn't make any sense.
01:52:15.000Like, how'd they get knocked out so easy?
01:52:16.000And it was because they had get knocked out in training.
01:52:25.000Travis Luder guy was on the podcast recently with Kevin Holland, who's a...
01:52:30.000He won the Ultimate Fighter, like super legit jiu-jitsu badass.
01:52:35.000And he hit this guy with a punch, and it was a decent punch, but he caught him at the very end of the punch, and Marvin Eastman just went out cold.
02:01:12.000Norman and I were just talking about that because he went and did a big L.A. podcast tour, and we're all like, I got six spots at the cellar.
02:02:43.000It's weird because we talk about it's a hard time for comedy because of the PC and all that stuff, but it's also an amazing time to do comedy where all these people are making tons of money on YouTube and Patreon and all that shit.
02:04:05.000Girl or a guy or gay or straight it didn't matter it's like you're in the tribe of comedy and That tribe is a fun tribe if we look out for each other and we have this feeling that we look out for each other I Agree completely and that's what throws me off when comics are trashing other comics publicly.
02:04:25.000I just don't I'm not Into that it's it's not wise But I get it.
02:05:20.000And I've thought this since I was like a teenager doing comedy is that we all deal with so much fucking bullshit and clubs trying to fuck us and the industry starts off.
02:07:58.000Like, try to make a bit out of something that happened in real time, like off the cuff, and then you're like, oh, that was such a big laugh.
02:10:17.000I heard him say one time, or read, that he's like, most of his jokes come from a very childlike approach.
02:10:24.000Like, I think the example he used of, like, the 7-Eleven, or whatever, open 24 hours a day, and he went there and they were closed, and they said, not in a row.
02:10:34.000Which is childlike, because an adult thinks 24 hours is a day, but a kid doesn't know what 24 hours is a day, so the idea of them being closed is, well, it's not 24 hours in a row.
02:10:46.000Or the idea of, like, he had the bit about, I got out of the airplane, I forgot to take the seatbelt off, so I'm dragging the plane behind me.
02:14:53.000Like, too many, like, really nutty people would wait around to talk to you, and you'd be like, this could be a problem.
02:15:00.000Yeah, well, that part is more anxiety-inducing than the show.
02:15:04.000People are always like, do you get nervous before a show?
02:15:06.000I'm like, no, I get nervous talking to people after because you feel like you're going to disappoint them, and you're like, I never know what to say, and I just keep going, thank you, oh, fuck, and I always feel like they're just going, ah, this guy sucks.
02:16:20.000I have it a lot where, you know, Mark and I do a podcast together, so I'll go to a town after he was there, and they're like, do you want to run to the open mic?
02:16:26.000Mark came, and I was like, no, I'm going home.
02:16:28.000I want to go watch the fucking Sox game and go to bed.
02:16:31.000So he would do a set and then run to an open mic as well?
02:16:48.000He'll go afterwards and party with everybody.
02:16:50.000He'll tell people where he's going, and they'll all meet him there, and they'll all have their shirts off, and they'll sweat on each other.
02:18:58.000But he probably uses a fucking tape recorder.
02:19:00.000It's literally, I mean, I haven't seen him in probably 10 or 15 years, but he would have like a Walkman with like the metal fucking thing listening to it.
02:19:06.000And, um, no, he's like, I have a great Mike Donovan story, you know, he's a nutty guy, and, um, just brilliantly funny, but I was doing a gig at BC High, and it was like, I think it was like the sons and fathers, it was a fathers and sons thing, it was like 500 people,
02:19:22.000and all the priests and everything, and it was in this huge gymnasium, and I got there early with a comic named Jim Colliden, who's a funny guy, too, probably started after you were there, but...
02:19:32.000We were, like, killing time, because, like, we're starting late, and we walked to the other side of the basketball court.
02:19:37.000It was, like, divided, and there was these kids playing full-court basketball, and we're like, oh, we'll sit here and watch these kids play basketball, whatever, we're just killing time.
02:19:44.000And we're watching for a little bit, and we realize Donovan is on the court with the kids.
02:19:48.000He's got, like, slacks and a fucking collared shirt, and he's running the floor playing full-court basketball, like...
02:19:54.000Posting these kids up, and we're like, what the fuck?
02:19:57.000And he comes up after, and he's all sweaty and disheveled, and he's like, these fucking kids are calling me old school.
02:21:25.000But if you, like, go through your set and you eliminate all the unnecessary...
02:21:30.000Because it's really like a way of saying, uh...
02:21:32.000Like, this guy, he's got a, but he doesn't sound as good as this fucking guy, he's got a fucking thing, and as long as you do it, like, Bird does it occasionally, but he sprinkles it in there, like, he's a master of knowing when to say fuck,
02:21:49.000and when not to, and when it, like, you could see his anger and his angst ramping up with the use of the word.
02:22:23.000That's what's interesting to me about a lot of comics now, that From starting in Boston, I did all these VFWs and the Knights of Columbus and fundraised firehouses, and you couldn't fuck around.
02:22:37.000You had to have jokes fast, or they were going to be like, hey, what is this?
02:22:41.000So those guys would just murder, and sometimes I'm worried that there's not as much value on killing, because coming up in Boston, you had to kill.
02:24:43.000I feel like, too, and I don't know if this is elsewhere.
02:24:46.000I only grew up in one place, but when I was growing up in Massachusetts, the only thing people valued was either being funny or being tough.
02:25:12.000Yeah, that was the only thing valued, and I still, like...
02:25:15.000I still feel that, like all the people I know, like the funniest people I know are still like my best buddy Derek and my uncle Brian are just like pure fun.
02:25:24.000I'm like these guys are funnier than any comics I know and they're just whatever, you know, a merchant marine and a carpenter.
02:25:31.000The funniest guy I knew was a guy named Dave Dolan, who was my boss.
02:25:34.000He was a private investigator, and I worked for him when I was an open-miker when I was just starting out.
02:25:40.000He needed a driver because he lost his license from DUI, and he put an ad out in the newspaper for a private investigator's assistant.
02:25:49.000So I was like, oh, I'm going to be a fucking private eye assistant.
02:25:53.000That's a good gig to do when you're doing stand-up.
02:25:55.000Because it was mostly during the day, but it was really, he just needed a driver.
02:26:00.000He just needed someone with a valid driver's license.
02:26:01.000But he was hilarious and happened to be, just coincidentally, cousins to Bill Downs, who's one of the owners of the Comedy Connection.
02:27:13.000And I had stacks of papers everywhere with footprints on them in my car because you'd be driving with a piece of paper going, all right, this is it.
02:27:20.000And you'd have to pull over and use a phone somewhere.
02:27:22.000Yeah, I had a box filled with those legal notebook papers, which like, oh, this fucking, the 99 in Saugus.
02:31:43.000I had hair back then, so I looked nice.
02:31:45.000You know, with a nice shirt on and nice pants, and I'm Nervous like real nervous and Jim was destroying and I was supposed to 45 minutes and I wound up doing like 35 and I just ate dick I bombed so hard and I remember afterwards thinking like and I was living my grandfather at the time it was it was an interesting time in my life because I had just moved to New York,
02:32:07.000but I couldn't afford an apartment, so I was staying with my grandfather, who lived in Newark, and my grandmother, it was a rough situation.
02:32:14.000My grandmother had an aneurysm, and they gave her 78 hours to live.
02:32:56.000At a certain point in your life, your health could fail you, and you could find yourself in this situation, and you've got to make the right decisions.
02:33:34.000Like, the next-door neighbor was a drug dealer, and he had an Audi, like a nice Audi in the driveway, and the cops at the DEA or whoever had fucking broken down his door and arrested him.
02:33:46.000Because the neighborhood at one point in time was this all-Italian neighborhood, and in the 1960s, they did this thing called blockbusting.
02:33:53.000Where they would move into these neighborhoods like real estate agents would get people scared and tell them the property values are going down because black people are moving in a neighborhood.
02:34:06.000And so he was like one of the last Italian families in this neighborhood.
02:34:10.000And the neighborhood had gotten like more and more crime ridden as they had kind of deteriorated the community by like forcing people to sell low and cheap and people got scared and and then crime kept going and Newark just sort of deteriorated like because it was like Italian immigrants than other immigrants and then by the time I got there which was like 92 93 just was not a good place to be and then you know Being with my grandparents
02:34:40.000and seeing my grandmother dying like that and then bombing and eating shit But it really made me work harder because I really realized that night I'm like you can never bomb like that again Like you have to you if you want a career in comedy like it's almost going away It's like slipping away like that can't happen Because I had a lot of stuff in my act was just nonsense.
02:37:04.000If you're booking a show on the road, you don't want to structure it so that this guy who goes on before you does musical numbers and impressions and backflips and like, hey, this is not a good fit.
02:37:14.000But when you're starting out, you don't get to choose.
02:38:20.000A lot of older guys just never thought to keep writing, which is interesting to me, because the reason I... Write and I feel like I'm pretty prolific.
02:38:30.000It's just because I'm tired of saying the shit.
02:39:40.000I mean, that's scary to me, the idea of like, I have nothing else.
02:39:44.000I mean, right now my act is all dick and shit jokes because pandemic, it's like, that's all I was doing was shitting and trying to have sex with my wife.
02:39:53.000But I think a lot of times you end up talking about the same shit.
02:39:58.000It's like, all right, here's my sex jokes and here's my anxiety jokes and here's a couple of stories of things that happen.
02:40:31.000No, it's hard to, yeah, no, it's hard and I understand why a lot of comics end up getting writing jobs or just doing podcasts because it's, the hardest thing to do is come up with good material.
02:40:42.000Yeah, well, there's also, there's nerves, right, and the nerves of continuing to perform at a high level.
02:40:51.000I've heard that about athletes too, that some athletes, it's not that their body stops working, it's that they don't have the desire anymore.
02:41:02.000They're not as enthusiastic about it, so they don't have the same intensity that they had when they were younger, and so it just sort of fades off.
02:41:10.000Yeah, I mean, so many artists are like that.
02:41:12.000I mean, we're talking about Scorsese, like, he's one of the few that still is great, but, like, artists of all kinds, musicians, too.
02:41:20.000It's like the Stones albums in the last 20 years are not, it's not Let It Bleed, you know?
02:43:53.000And then you're in your own head, which is weird.
02:43:56.000Yeah, no, I'm like a guy that's like, I'm sorry, I'm like, it's almost always the audience because I'm saying the exact fucking shit I said on the early show.
02:44:04.000It's like, you want to just play a recording of like, look how much they're enjoying it.
02:44:08.000But I forget, I think Jake Johansson said that, he's like, we always as comics compare the joke to the best audience ever.
02:44:15.000And you forget it's a different group of individuals in a different situation because you're like, no, this joke kills.
02:44:20.000And you're like, well, these are different people in a different scenario.
02:45:02.000Yes, that's why I like albums better than specials, because when you watch a special, it is like you're watching a show.
02:45:07.000You're watching people watch a show, whereas at least audio, you can kind of close your eyes and it feels like you're there.
02:45:13.000Well, the feeling of being in a room and someone doing anything, whether it's Cirque du Soleil or Cirque du Soleil, when you're there live and they're doing backflips and everything, it feels amazing.
02:45:59.000You've got to get your ear close so you get the full effect.
02:46:01.000That's the great thing about comedy is you really do have to be there for it to properly be enjoyed.
02:46:07.000Yeah, and it's always going to be, and I think for good reason, it's always going to be like One of the least respected art forms, but one of the most appreciated when you're there.
02:46:19.000Like our art form is not really thought of like the way someone composes a symphony or someone makes a great film.
02:46:26.000It's never going to be thought of that way, but yet people are always going to love to go see it.
02:46:30.000But the cultural perception, the audience's perception, the people's perception of like what comedy is, ah, a bunch of fucking jackasses say stupid shit and talk about their dick.