Comedian Brian Simpson joins us to talk about how he got his start in comedy and how he went from the Marine Corps to the stand-up comedy scene. Brian also talks about his time in the Marines and how it all led him to comedy and eventually to a career as a standup comic. We also talk about what it's like being the only Black person in your unit in the military and how that affected his comedy and comedy career. And of course, we talk about his new podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience, which is a show where he talks about comedy and everything else going on in the world. It's a must-listen and we hope you enjoy it! Thanks to Brian for being a part of the podcast and for being the first black person in his unit to ever get his own standup joke on stage. We really appreciate it and we look forward to having him on the show again soon. Enjoy this episode and don't forget to subscribe on your favorite streaming platform so you don't miss out on the next episode of the J.R. Rogan Podcast! If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! We'll be looking out for you in next week's episode! Subscribe and Retweet! and we'll be listening to you in the future episodes! Thank you so much for supporting the show! -Joe Rogan -Bryan Simpson xoxo, Brian Simpson, Brian, XOXO, and Joe Rogans XO, Jr. -The J. Rogans, All day All Day All Day by Night, All Day, by Night All Day - All Day By Night, by Day, All Night by Night by Day by Day -By Night, By Day, By Night by All Day by Night - By Night - Thank You, Joe, The J. R. and Night, -J.R., All Day & Night, Day, Night, Thank You Forever, By Soilwork, by Soil Workin' Out? - by Night Love, Love, Blessings, Cheers, Cheers -Alyssa, Love & Blessings -Vicky, xOXO - - Thank You -Sue, Chacho
00:02:11.000I tell the story all the time, but I was the...
00:02:16.000I was the only black person in my platoon for a couple of years and Before I got there some racial shit went down and They like you know somebody officer got removed and they took black people out of the unit and I was the first black person back in the unit and I didn't know none of this and then and then I got to them I could feel everyone walking on eggshells around me.
00:02:44.000And one day my one officer asked me, like, hey, how you doing?
00:05:47.000You know like super hardcore about their what they're aging like they that's aged eight years And then this shit is ten years this Lafregue I said Lafregue Lafrogue like a frog like a frog with a Y still Austin's another company that sent us a batch of shit It's really good really good stuff every time I see you is the different different kind of whiskey Yeah,
00:06:11.000I decided I like alcohol that I know it's alcohol.
00:06:14.000Like, I don't mind a nice fruity drink.
00:06:16.000I don't mind a pina colada, but I like when you drink whiskey, you know what the fuck you're getting into, you know?
00:06:53.000Something like that, except we would go to Hooters or something and get 25 or 20 regular wings and then get five of the crazy, shitty ones that you gotta sign a waiver for and then mix them all together.
00:07:19.000There used to be a place near Boston Comedy in New York City, back when Boston Comedy was in the village.
00:07:24.000There was a place, a wing place, I'm trying to remember the place, trying to remember the name of it, but I do remember that they had wings that were labeled suicide.
00:08:32.000First of all, I think the Olympics are disgusting because that lady should be getting paid millions of dollars.
00:08:37.000All of them should be getting paid millions of dollars.
00:08:39.000All the winners, the gold medals, all those people that are generating insane amounts of wealth for the Olympics, they should get a giant piece of that.
00:08:46.000They're responsible for the reason why people watch the Olympics.
00:08:49.000No one's watching the Olympics because it's the Olympics.
00:08:51.000They're watching the Olympics because you see the best athletes on the world, right?
00:08:55.000You see the best athletes who have gone through all these competitions and reached this insane pinnacle of their skill development, right?
00:09:30.000Well, it's a lot of times, you know, these countries, they build up this whole thing for the Olympics, and they're incentivized, and there's a lot of money that flows into the city, and then once they pull out of that, I mean, the people that live in that country are like, hey, why didn't you spend that shit on infrastructure?
00:09:45.000Why didn't you spend that shit to fix the bridges and the streets and to You know, to fucking fix these communities.
00:11:51.000He's like, I'm going to do a race clean, and then I'm going to hire someone to dope me up, and I'm going to document it all.
00:11:57.000I'm going to hire someone to give me EPO and steroids and everything I can take, and let me try to do it again and see how much better my time is.
00:12:05.000So along the way, while he's doing this, he's getting all this advice on how to do doping by this guy, Gregory Rechenkov.
00:12:13.000Gregory Rechenkov is the head of the Russian Anti-Doping Agency.
00:12:17.000Which is not really anti-doping at all.
00:12:20.000The Russian Anti-Doping Agency is state-funded.
00:12:24.000So while he's doing this documentary, Russia gets busted for the Sochi Olympics.
00:12:30.000And with the Sochi Olympics, it was like this super sophisticated doping strategy.
00:12:36.000What they would do is they doped up the entire team, but it was in Russia.
00:12:40.000So they had control of where the bottles were kept of the piss.
00:12:44.000So they had a hole in the wall, and so they would take the dirty piss out, put it through a hole in the wall, and then someone would give them a clean piss, and they would replace the clean piss.
00:12:54.000And they figured out a way to open these jars that were supposed to be unopenable.
00:13:00.000They had the Olympics that developed these jars that you could not open them.
00:13:04.000But the Russians figured out how to open them, and they found these microscopic scratches inside the jars, inside the lid, that indicate that somebody had manipulated them.
00:13:12.000So then they do this deep dive investigation, and they find out that this is not their piss at all, and that this is all clean piss that was substituted for their piss to make everybody test negative.
00:13:22.000Meanwhile, the Russians won more gold medals than anybody.
00:13:25.000They just dominated and everything because all their athletes were juiced up.
00:13:29.000Gregory said they juiced up everybody except the figure skaters because apparently female figure skaters, when they juiced them up, it actually didn't help them at all.
00:13:38.000It fucked with their fine motor skills because, you know, figure skating is such a delicate thing, you know, when you're doing those spins and shit like that.
00:14:26.000He made that film, The Dissident, which is all about the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, who's the journalist from the Washington Post who was killed by the Saudis because he was criticizing them.
00:14:36.000And, bro, they chopped him up and carried him out in briefcases.
00:18:37.000That was the Godzilla, the original Godzilla story, was like, the original Godzilla movie was post-World War II in Japan, and they had, you know, they got nuked, so the idea was that this nuclear radiation had changed these creatures and turned them into monsters.
00:18:53.000Well, he'd be like the Wrath of Man or whatever.
00:19:12.000And it's the fact that we leave it up to be picking and choosing of what's good drug and what's bad drug that we allow these bodies to exist to make up these dumbass rules.
00:19:30.000The problem is there's going to be a time period where a lot of people die, and then people figure it out.
00:19:37.000And if that's your kid that dies during that time period, and that's what people are worried about.
00:19:41.000People are worried about children overdosing, young kids overdosing.
00:19:45.000So they're worried about people that have never had access to these drugs now all of a sudden have unfettered access, and you can just buy whatever you want.
00:19:53.000But the idea behind it, legalizing everything, It's a good idea because there's so much that's already legal.
00:20:02.000I mean, look at the problem we have with opiates in this country.
00:21:21.000Like, some asshole who's 21 can buy it, and he could sell it to your kids.
00:21:26.000It's it's a tough sell because like I've never tried heroin but Who knows if I would have it was if it was legal if I could just get it anywhere well when I was young and dumb I probably tried it Yeah, and the thing is it's like I think because I think some people look at it like we're choosing between Just fucking chaos or this world where everyone's safe.
00:22:27.000He was, like, doing heroin a little bit.
00:22:28.000He's been on my podcast a couple times, and he was on recently, and, you know, he talks openly about how he enjoys heroin and about heroin.
00:22:36.000Like, he'll snort a little heroin, and he said it makes him more compassionate, makes him kinder.
00:23:16.000He's like, the problem is, the shit that you're buying that's stepped on, it's filled with fentanyl and all kinds of other stuff.
00:23:24.000Because of the fact that it's illegal, we're propping up all these drug cartels, these organized crime cartels, and then on top of it, you're not even getting pure shit.
00:25:17.000Well, first of all, I know for a fact, because I have friends that are journalists, that a lot of journalists are doing Adderall.
00:25:23.000They're doing Adderall because, say if you're writing, what if you have to write a 2,500-word essay on something, and you have like three weeks to do it, or whatever you have.
00:25:33.000And you're just grinding around the clock.
00:25:36.000You know, it's hard to keep up your energy, especially if you look at a lot of these guys.
00:26:34.000If the drugs you're doing are making you better, Because to me, addiction is not a problem until it's affecting your life negatively.
00:26:44.000And you can't stop, that's when it's a problem.
00:26:46.000But if the drugs you're doing are improving your life, then I don't see the problem.
00:26:52.000If you're Carl Hart, if you can handle it, if you're an intelligent person that understands what you're doing, the problem is a lot of people are not intelligent, they don't understand what they're doing, and they're looking for escapes.
00:27:05.000Some people are just looking to escape reality, and they're looking to escape their responsibilities.
00:27:13.000One of the reasons why they want to get fucked up in the first place is because there's a lot of shit that they need to handle and deal with that they're not dealing with, whether it's bills or relationship shit or work shit or whatever the fuck it is.
00:27:25.000And so they just get blasted, you know?
00:27:30.000For some people, that's the only happiness they got.
00:28:15.000And this study, they showed that the rats, when you lock them up in this little cage and you give them water that has heroin or cocaine in it, that they don't even eat, they don't breathe, they don't do anything.
00:28:29.000They just keep hitting the cocaine, keep hitting the heroin, and they wind up doing that until they die.
00:28:34.000And so this other guy came along and said, okay, but...
00:28:38.000This is a completely unnatural environment that these animals are living in.
00:28:41.000They're living in a cage, they're getting stared at all the time.
00:28:44.000So he decided to make a really big cage, like the size of a room, and he filled it up with trees.
00:29:50.000I was reading something about people that came back from Vietnam and how they...
00:29:55.000after they surveyed or studied them they found out that it wasn't everyone that was on heroin was a dope thing when they came back it was the people that came back to loving environments where they had like Support and family and love.
00:31:08.000So for me, being scared to legalize drugs because you don't want people to completely do it, it's almost like, like you said, if we created a world that people didn't want to escape from, Then it would just, it would be like doing drugs would just be like going to the amusement park.
00:31:23.000It's like, we're doing heroin this summer.
00:31:25.000You know, we're shrooming with grandma.
00:31:34.000People are so greedy and there's a lot of incentives in being greedy and not a lot of incentives of establishing like really beneficial communities for all.
00:31:44.000But if they looked at it the right way, if our government looked at it the right way, if there was less crime and less distressed people and less fucked up people, you'd have to spend less money.
00:31:56.000Because you'd have less hospital visits, less prison money, you'd have less crime, you'd have less everything.
00:35:25.000If someone likes you, and they go, oh, Bryan Simpson, I'm a giant fan, he's hilarious, and he's real honest, and he's a cool motherfucker, and then Bryan Simpson says, you gotta listen to Ian Edwards, that fucking dude is hilarious, and then people are gonna go, oh, okay, I'll check out that guy now.
00:35:39.000And as long as you don't boost anybody up who sucks, that's a problem.
00:36:09.000But the old days were like famine thinking.
00:36:12.000Everybody thought that if you made it, like all of a sudden, if I look up and now Bryan Simpson is selling out Madison Square Garden, I'm like, fuck, that should be me.
00:36:51.000Dude, when I lived in Boston, and this is in the 1980s, there was, on one block on Warrington Street, there was Nick's Comedy Stop, which had three rooms running simultaneously.
00:37:03.000I'm talking on the same block, like not even 200 yards away was the Comedy Connection.
00:37:10.000Like you could literally run there in less than a minute.
00:37:15.000And then the Comedy Connection was below the Comedy Club at the Charles Playhouse.
00:37:21.000So there was the Comedy Connection downstairs, and then sometimes we would work up...
00:37:26.000Mike Clark had a club upstairs for a bit.
00:37:28.000Then you would go across the street, and it was Duck Soup, which was a real high-end comedy club that Paul Barkley and Bill Downs put together.
00:37:38.000They were the original owners of the Comedy Connection.
00:37:40.000They said, let's do a super, really nice, high-end, super clean...
00:38:32.000That's something that could be done anywhere where it just starts happening.
00:38:37.000It kind of happened a little bit on Sunset, because you had the Laugh Factory, which always does really well, and then down the street you got the store, and then across the other side you have the Improv on Melrose, which is only a few miles away.
00:38:50.000Yeah, you could walk there in like 15 minutes.
00:39:39.000When I first started working for him, it was like...
00:39:43.0001989 or some shit like a long time ago, man.
00:39:47.000I've known that dude forever And so he keeps comedy alive with the Wilbur because he brings in like big headliners all the time I think he has another theater now as well So he's he's like a big thing going on in Boston and they still have a few clubs there and they got laugh Boston Which is pretty good,
00:40:03.000but it's just for whatever reason maybe it's going through a little a little dip and then it'll come back strong but But when I left, man, it was like the guys that were in my era were...
00:40:46.000And sometimes when comics just leave, if you don't have like a big headliner all the time, like stand-up in Boston was dominated by all these big local headliners.
00:40:58.000There was like Don Gavin and Steve Sweeney and...
00:41:02.000Lenny, Clark, these guys were murderers, man.
00:41:04.000I'm telling you, to this day, some of the strongest sets I've ever seen in my life, and they never left that area.
00:42:34.000The scene has to have that kind of ethic.
00:42:35.000It has to have that kind of ethic, and it also has that kind of energy.
00:42:38.000Because in Boston, it was like the energy was...
00:42:42.000First of all, there's a great documentary on it, when stand-up stood out by this guy, Fran Salamita, who was a Boston comic, and he made a documentary about the scene.
00:42:52.000It's perfect because it all details how Stephen Wright made it out of Boston.
00:45:12.000Like, when I was doing the Stubb shows with Donnell Rawlings and Dave Chappelle and Mo Hammer and Michelle Wolfe, those fucking shows were wild, dude.
00:48:14.000Well, I just really hope that people come out of this with, at the very least, an appreciation for how well we had it and we didn't realize how well we had it.
00:48:25.000Because you have to kind of experience something that sucks to realize how good things are.
00:48:29.000That's why it's got to be terrible to not have any adversity in your life.
00:48:39.000You got to have these little valleys that make you appreciate the peaks.
00:48:45.000I try to be an appreciative person, but this last year made me really think differently about the temporary nature of this life.
00:48:54.000Because this is a mild one in terms of worldwide pandemics.
00:48:58.000It was horrible for everybody who died, horrible for everybody who lost family members.
00:49:02.000But if it was something like the bubonic plague, some wild shit that kills like 30% of the population, you know how insane that must have been?
00:49:12.000People went through that multiple times in our past with no medicine, man.
00:49:18.000Could you imagine what it must have been like when just horrible diseases?
00:50:05.000Yeah, it's kind of morbid when you think about it, but when you're playing the game, it's fun.
00:50:09.000But you're trying to create a disease, and you give it different characteristics, and you're trying to get it to spread around the world as fast as possible.
00:50:33.000It's based on a realistic depiction of how viruses best spread.
00:50:38.000I think there's a couple of those games.
00:50:39.000And you were talking about a lot here about the uncertainty.
00:50:43.000Very rarely does something that's happening somewhere else in the world affect us.
00:50:49.000We didn't really have to deal with Ebola.
00:50:53.000We didn't really have to deal with SARS. Remember when sometimes people would come back with certain diseases, like you thought someone had the Zika?
00:51:03.000But I also remember them being like, oh yeah, the government swooped in, they locked down the whole plane, they got that motherfucker in a bubble in Texas.
00:51:10.000So that's why I didn't even take the coronavirus seriously.
00:51:13.000At first I was like, oh yeah, well that's happening everywhere, this was not going to happen here.
00:51:16.000Well, I knew a lot of people that didn't take it seriously until I had Dr. Michael Osterholm on the podcast, and he scared the fuck out of all of us.
00:51:26.000I mean, he was just basically saying, like, how quickly this thing can spread, how contagious it is, and how potentially lethal it is.
00:51:35.000And his estimations of how many people are going to die in America were—he was— Probably being extra cautious, and it didn't turn out to be that number, but it scared the fuck out of everybody.
00:51:56.000Once I knew it was here, I got scared because I was like, now that they're telling us the truth, that means they've been lying for six months.
00:52:03.000Whenever the government starts being upfront about shit, that's how I feel.
00:53:04.000If they're getting lied to, if someone is saying, like, hey, this definitely didn't come from our lab, and they're like, okay, shit, we have to figure out what the fuck this is, right?
00:53:11.000They probably had to look at a lot of possible options, and somewhere along the line, they got a lot of stuff wrong, right?
00:53:20.000They thought that it didn't transmit from human to human.
00:53:28.000I think it was a World Health Organization thing, but, like, super early on.
00:53:32.000So if you read that early on, and you're a guy who works all day, and you're not paying attention to shit, and you're like, yeah, I heard the World Health Organization said we've got to stop being worried.
00:53:41.000It doesn't even spread from person to person.
00:53:42.000Then a couple weeks later, you're like, no, no, no, it does.
00:53:56.000An infamous WHO tweet saying there was no clear evidence COVID-19 could spread between humans was posted for balance to reflect findings from China.
00:55:53.000I can't imagine being somebody in any other country, and once they seen it fucking with America, they were like, oh, this is gonna fuck us up.
00:58:29.000So he's a special forces guy who's like a piece of shit because he kills people all over the world and then like an accident happens, lady brings him back, and he's got 24 hours to live to like make things right.
00:58:40.000But without spoiling the movie, there's other shit that happens.
01:01:04.000They move with the directions that you go, whether or not you exercise discipline with your body and your mind and whatever you're trying to do for a living, whether or not you really get after it, where you get satisfaction out of that.
01:01:20.000You know, people want, for some reason, they want this feeling of steadiness.
01:01:24.000They want everything to be sort of locked in and steady, and I'm just like, you know, this is where I'm at, and this is where I'm going, I got it all right.
01:06:10.000And, you know, for small supermarkets, at least, or people that weren't prepared.
01:06:14.000So a lot of people started thinking about, like, growing gardens, foraging for food, hunting, fishing, like fishing licenses, hunting licenses.
01:06:23.000I guarantee you they went up during that time.
01:06:25.000Let's find out, did hunting licenses, did more people purchase hunting licenses during the pandemic?
01:07:16.000We are very much like a dude in an apartment in this country.
01:07:20.000There's someone out there that's growing all the shit, but we're not growing anything.
01:07:23.000If that no one out there is doing anything for you, if they're not making the cars or making the medicine or making the this or making the that, if too much stuff is made somewhere else and you're not self-sufficient, Like, the United States should be like a prepper, okay?
01:08:33.000Apparently a solar flare strong enough could kill our entire power grid.
01:08:37.000So there's no power in the whole country.
01:08:39.000How long does it take to get the power back on after a solar flare blows it out?
01:08:43.000And then what if there's another one right after and another one right after?
01:08:47.000And what if like a lot of people start starving to death?
01:08:50.000What if within like six months the power is still not back on and you've got how many million people living in LA? Think of that crazy place.
01:11:02.000And so we were observing, not we, obviously, scientists, were observing for the first time that they could measure these bursts happening in the sky, and they were happening all the time because the universe is so fucking big.
01:11:15.000And so they're like, oh my god, there's a war going on.
01:11:18.000They thought there was a war going on in space.
01:11:29.000The chances are small, but it's so big that rare things happen all the time.
01:11:34.000Well, we know that a lot of those chances are small shit has already happened here before.
01:11:39.000You know, when they figured out that this giant chunk of rock and steel and iron, or iron rather, and dirt that slammed into the Yucatan that killed the dinosaurs, once they figured that out, man, and they realized like, oh, wow,
01:12:06.000They think the most recent ones were probably around 12,000 years ago.
01:12:11.000They think that's the end of the Ice Age.
01:12:13.000It's called the Younger Dryas Impact Theory.
01:12:18.000Well, the theory is, and the proponents of this theory are this guy Randall Carlson, he's one of the big ones, and Graham Hancock, and a few other guys that are just obsessed with the timelines of historical, like the historical timelines of civilization.
01:12:34.000And was there civilization that was advanced that was knocked down to nothing that had to restart up again?
01:12:39.000And one of the things that they've concluded from a bunch of different factors, a lot of them like soil samples, like they do a core sample of the earth, and they find out like at different levels what the temperature was, and at a certain depth,
01:12:55.000which indicates somewhere around, I think it was like 11,000 years, they find a lot of this nuclear glass stuff.
01:13:01.000And this, I think it's called tritonite, and that's from impacts from things.
01:13:06.000So they got nailed in some crazy asteroid shower.
01:13:09.000And it's all around the world around the same time.
01:13:14.000And they think that those impacts probably wiped out a shitload of people, destroyed civilizations, might have been the end of Atlantis.
01:13:22.000There's all this like crazy speculation about what happened back then.
01:13:25.000You know, that maybe Atlantis was actually a real place.
01:13:28.000Maybe society was pretty advanced, you know, for people that didn't have machines but still had stones and they had crazy structures that they had built out of stone.
01:13:37.000Like all the shit they did in Egypt and all that kind of stuff, that was all way before that, right?
01:13:42.000That was all way before 10,000 years ago.
01:16:28.000At the time of the show, we're not at war with Mars, but they separated from Earth because we did the same thing to them that we're doing to the Belters.
01:16:37.000Because they needed us to send them air.
01:16:40.000So when the workers went on strike, we just cut off the air.
01:16:45.000Because we needed them to send us back precious gems and shit from the belt.
01:16:49.000And whenever they went on strike, we were just like, okay, we can't send air out there.
01:16:53.000And so once they figured out a way to make their own era, they got to the point where that shit was fully developed on Mars, they were like, fuck Earth.
01:17:00.000So they're our rivals in the system, and then the Belters are like terrorists.
01:17:05.000Well, I need to get deeper into the show then.
01:17:18.000Like if what you laid out, like if Mars really did become its own functioning planet, if they really did have their own air, they really did have their own civilization, like why would they listen to us?
01:17:30.000Once they weren't dependent on us anymore.
01:19:30.000But in terms of the impact on the culture, there's never been a country like America.
01:19:36.000This is not dismissing amazing works out of Ireland and England and China and Japan and All over the world has been great shit that's been done.
01:23:02.000Like there's something about, if your whole life could be what it feels like when you're really hungry and you bite into a delicious slice of pizza for the first time, if that was your whole, that feeling, That's an amazing feeling.
01:27:23.000At the end, you get to do extra bites, and it's basically like you can choose to do some shit you already did, or you can let the chefs choose for you, and they basically get to open mic their sushi ideas.
01:27:38.000And I'm like, yeah, experiment on me, motherfucker!
01:27:42.000And them Extra Bites was better than the other shit.
01:27:45.000Well, and their experiments are always going to be awesome.
01:30:34.000So when they decided to do a documentary on this guy, do you think he had any fucking idea what kind of an impact that documentary was going to have on him?
01:30:43.000So it probably affected how he made sushi.
01:32:35.000Like American Italian food, you think about like red sauce and like a lot of cheese and lasagna and you think about like spaghetti and meatballs.
01:32:42.000Over there you get pasta in like smaller portions.
01:34:20.000I want to see a video of this because there's a lot of these guys cooking these things and you would think like How hard is it to cook a steak over fire?
01:35:30.000I used to live in this high-rise in Virginia.
01:35:35.000You know how sometimes in those high-rise buildings, the bottom floor is like a drugstore, bodega, something like that?
01:35:42.000So there was a drugstore on one side of the building or like a convenience store, and the other side of the building was this Peruvian chicken spot.
01:35:58.000And you walk in there and there was a machine about the third of the size of the wall behind you.
01:36:05.000And it was like a giant rotisserie, and the chickens would be on these long lines, so the ones at the top would be dripping juices on the ones on the bottom.
01:36:14.000And so you go in there, and there's like 250 chickens on this big ass wheel, and that's it.
01:36:19.000And whatever you order, they just fucking pluck one of them bitches.
01:42:20.000Once you figure it out, it's repeatable.
01:42:22.000Well, you know what I'm realizing now, especially now that I'm starting to be a little more successful, and I can eat good food a lot more often, is it's the little things.
01:42:33.000Because the other day I was here, I had one of the best burgers I've ever had.
01:42:37.000And I was like, what's different about this burger?
01:42:42.000But I realized it's all the little things.
01:42:45.000Some chefs, some restaurants, they do all the little things just better than you.
01:42:49.000They just get a little better quality this.
01:42:52.000They're meticulous about how long shit cooks and what it's mixed with and all the little tiny things that you can just ignore and you'll still have a good burger.
01:43:01.000But the people that do all those little tiny things, It adds up to something that's just better than your shit.
01:43:09.000It's not like it was leagues above any other sushi.
01:43:13.000It's not like they're buying different fish than somebody else can buy, but they do all that little tiny shit just to perfection, and it elevates it more than the sum of its parts or whatever the fuck.
01:45:29.000I don't know if he ever made it, but I remember in the beginning he wasn't making it.
01:45:32.000And people were really distraught, people that were a part of this Boston Athletic Club community because he was a really nice guy, and he was really popular because he was an ace professional racquetball player.
01:45:47.000He wanted to try to make money, so he wanted to try to get into tennis.
01:45:49.000But if you had just started in tennis, Maybe, you know, probably couldn't because economics, you're in Boston, it's cold for five months out of the year, but if you could, you might be an ace tennis player, and then you'd be making millions.
01:46:04.000So any guy who's a winner, if you're a winner at something physical, like racquetball, I mean, racquetball's physical, professional racquetball, those guys are darting all over the place and diving for balls.
01:49:16.000It's like you get to this point where you can't miss.
01:49:19.000You just know that when you swing at a ball, it's going in the hole.
01:49:22.000And this guy who is one of the best of all time, like Dennis Arculo, is like one of the top 20 greatest players ever, hits this dead stroke and he breaks and runs nine racks in a row.
01:49:33.000So they're in this crazy, tight contest, race to 100, and then towards the home stretch, like 110 games in, Dennis Arcolo runs this wild number.
01:50:05.000Yeah, but it's an example of what you were talking about.
01:50:08.000If someone just hits this perfect vibration where they're on point, whether it's a gymnast who's doing those triple flips and lands, boom, and sticks it, and you're like, oh!
01:50:20.000And you see someone do something, even if you have no interest in doing it yourself, you see that there's something about when people just...
01:50:28.000Figure something out at such a super high level that's so exciting.
01:50:33.000A lot of people from the outside don't understand that that is not something that you just achieve and now you're there.
01:50:40.000You've got to constantly work to be able to stay in that balance.
01:50:44.000That's why even Tom Brady will have...
01:50:47.000A game where he throws five interceptions.
01:50:51.000It's so difficult to maintain that level of focus and excellence for so long without that muscle breaking down or whatever the fuck it is.
01:51:30.000How impressed someone is is directly proportional to how far away from being able to do what they're seeing like they are.
01:51:41.000The closer people think that they're able to do what they just saw you do, the less impressed they are with it.
01:51:47.000That's why some people think they're funny.
01:51:49.000Some people think they can do comedy because they think all we're doing is talking.
01:51:52.000And they're like, I can talk and I'm pretty funny.
01:51:55.000And, like, one of my favorite things used to be when I first started, used to be watching people that would come in asking to go up, like, it's their first time, but they don't respect it.
01:52:05.000And so they think they're gonna go up their first time and just murder, you know, they got their whole family there, and then they go up on stage.
01:52:17.000The enormity of the moment and how it's not the same fucking thing as you being at the family reunion having everybody cracking up in the corner.
01:53:01.000She said, the reason why we're afraid to speak publicly is that, historically, whenever you had to stand in front of a large group of people, they were judging you.
01:54:48.000Just let it be the Wild Wild West out here.
01:54:51.000It's the only thing that's the most fair.
01:54:53.000Well, that was Edward Snowden's point when it came to this whole idea that the government should be allowed to spy on us.
01:55:00.000Because when he was working for the NSA and he found out the government literally can spy on everybody at any time, with no warrants, they can do this.
01:55:21.000It's so crazy because the argument against that, of course, was like, first of all, that's an insane amount of power to bestow upon an elected official or someone who's appointed or someone who's just hired by a company and they have the ability...
01:55:36.000Like Edward Snowden has the ability to just check into your emails.
01:56:50.000The problem is it could be a new guy that comes after them that hates your ideology and then they'll come looking for you with the same tools.
01:57:09.000So it's basically like, so you know how it works.
01:57:13.000Congress makes a bill, they send it to the president, he signs a yes or no.
01:57:16.000But when he's signing it, he can add like a signatory note.
01:57:20.000Basically saying, I'm signing this because I understand it to mean X. But it's a legal gray area because he's not allowed to create legislation or change it.
01:58:28.000And so then right after that was Trump.
01:58:30.000People were fucking even more terrified about it people on the left so it's like It's one of those things where it looks like you were okay with giving the power to the president When you thought he was doing shit that you wanted you didn't think about the fact that for four years or eight years from now at the most It's gonna be another motherfucker with that same power.
01:58:49.000Well, that's why whoever the fuck is the president It's so important that they don't act in inflammatory matter Oh, yeah, I mean...
01:58:57.000In an inflammatory manner, because one of the things about Trump that fucked up any good things that he could have possibly done is that he created this sort of, like, fuck you attitude towards his haters that the people who loved him loved.
01:59:11.000They loved the fact that he was like, kiss my ass, fuck you, you guys don't know what you're doing, you guys are all corrupt, we're gonna drain the swamp, we're gonna put her in jail, we're gonna do this, and everyone's like, yeah!
02:00:40.000The This is how many laws were affected is the affected provisions by the number of times, like number of things they did affected this many laws, kind of.
02:01:50.000As a general strategy for someone who controls the nukes, it's a fucking terrible idea.
02:01:55.000You know, when he called Kim Jong-un, Rocket Man, Little Rocket Man, and when he was, all the crazy shit that he said while he was president, Well, he has one of the most unique egos of anyone that's ever been...
02:02:14.000Because the thing is, I don't believe Trump was our most evil president.
02:02:39.000I'm worried that it's now been proven that someone with a lot of money who's outside the system can win and can actually become the president.
02:02:51.000The worry that I have is not just that someone worse than him tries to do it again, but someone's like really truly evil.
02:02:58.000The other worry is that the other side tries to prevent that from happening, and by doing so they justify hamstringing democracy.
02:03:07.000Like, they decide, like, look, we can't ever let this happen again, so we need a concerted effort where we coordinate with the media, we coordinate with all of the different intelligence communities, and we figure out a way to pick Pick the people that we want to win and attack the person that we don't.
02:03:26.000Because that's how banana republics get started, okay?
02:03:30.000And that's how people get assassinated, and that's how people justify a lot of wild shit.
02:03:35.000They justify because they think ultimately it's imperative for the future of our nation if this person doesn't win and our person gets in there.
02:03:43.000And they think so, so zealously, that they're willing to do wild shit.
02:03:49.000And that's what happens in other countries.
02:03:50.000And we were talking before this podcast about they killed the president of Haiti yesterday.
02:04:36.000Wounded his wife in an overnight raid on their home on Wednesday, inflicting more chaos on the Caribbean country that was already enduring gang violence, soaring inflation, and protests of its increasingly authoritarian rule.
02:05:19.000I was telling you earlier, that's the only slave rebellion in history that worked.
02:05:25.000It says, Bochit Edmond, the Haitian ambassador to the United States, said the attack on the 53-year-old Moise, I'm not saying his, I don't know if I'm saying his name right, Moise, M-O-I-S-E, was carried out by foreign mercenaries and professional killers,
02:05:42.000well orchestrated, and that they were masquerading as agents of the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration.
02:05:47.000The DEA has an office in the Haitian capital to assist the government in counter-narcotics programs, according to the U.S. Embassy.
02:05:57.000Well, if drugs were legal over there, they wouldn't have had this.
02:07:09.000That all people really care about is their sense of freedom, not their actual freedoms.
02:07:15.000So you can tell a bunch of motherfuckers, the government is spiraling, you're collecting all your messages, listening to all your phone calls, all your purchases, everything.
02:07:36.000And the thing about the government having that power, it's actually bad for them.
02:07:41.000Because it's too much responsibility, because you have to lie about it, first of all, because you're not supposed to have that kind of power.
02:07:48.000You're not supposed to be able to just spy on people randomly.
02:07:51.000Because at the end of the day, the government is comprised of people, and we're people.
02:07:56.000So it's just people spying on people, and you're doing it through initials.
02:07:59.000Oh, we're the FBI and the NSA and the DEA and the blah, blah, blah.
02:08:06.000Reinforcing laws that were written down on paper by who the fuck knows who.
02:08:10.000And who the fuck knows if those laws are valid in 2021 anymore with all the technology we have today, with the abilities to do things today are so much greater than what these laws were established about like in the 1970s or 1960s and even then.
02:10:18.000But they're not elites in terms of like the 1% of the world.
02:10:21.000They're regular folks for the most part.
02:10:23.000So getting regular folks to turn on regular folks because the elites tell them to, that's one of those weird, like, how do you do this things?
02:10:30.000So the way to control populations is through propaganda and re-education of their youth, turning people on each other.
02:10:38.000Like, if you really wanted to fuck up a future community, you would distribute propaganda to their children.
02:11:20.000You got open looting, you got chaos, you got cops scared to arrest people, you got eliminated crime rates.
02:11:27.000I don't want to defund the police, but except for the police that are like overfunded, like motherfuckers got tanks and helicopters, like extra helicopters.
02:11:35.000They don't need that for regular people, but if there's some sort of crazy invasion of like a drug cartel makes their way into Los Angeles with tanks, like no bullshit, what do we do?
02:11:57.000I was working on news radio, and these crazy motherfuckers, high on drugs and filled with steroids, put on armor, and they had military weapons.
02:12:06.000And they went after these cops and killed a bunch of people and robbed banks.
02:12:26.000Have you heard the result that once you pass a certain amount of money a year, it was like $80,000 when I first heard it, but it might be more than that now.
02:12:37.000Once you pass a certain amount of money, more money doesn't make you happier.
02:12:41.000To me, I draw a parallel to this where once you pass a certain level of policing, it doesn't make it safer.
02:12:49.000It doesn't decrease crime once you go past a certain level.
02:13:20.000There are crazy, stupid people that latch on to the end of every legitimate movement.
02:13:25.000But I think the intelligent people involved, that's what they mean when they say defund the police.
02:13:30.000They're talking about, okay, let's just take the money we spend on these extra band-aids that we don't fucking need and let's put that towards antibiotics or prevention or something like that.
02:13:41.000I understand that thought but here's my perspective is that the amount of money that is spent on police should it should represent not just like you have to fund the police but like how much money does it cost if there's a lot of crime?
02:13:58.000How much money does it cost if people get assaulted?
02:14:01.000Like how much money does it cost where people have to put in extra security measures because they're nervous?
02:14:07.000What they need to do is train people better.
02:14:09.000And what they need to do is make sure they hire only high-quality people.
02:14:38.000Look, all those utopian movies, man, the reason why they resonated, because we all secretly knew in the back of our head, at least we thought about it, that if everything went completely sideways, this is what could happen.
02:14:53.000Whether it's The Terminator, or whether it's Judge Dredd, or whatever the fuck it is.
02:15:32.000They just want everything to belong to them.
02:15:34.000Do you think that's the same mindset, whether it applies to war, whether it applies to Michael Jordan in basketball, or someone like Jeff Bezos in business, where there's these conquerors, and they could have existed 5,000 years ago,
02:15:50.000they'd be on a horse chopping people's heads off, but instead they're running Amazon.
02:18:01.000Phthalates, it's P-T-H-A-L-A-T-E-S. They're in plastics, and they get into people's bodies, and they fuck with people's reproductive systems.
02:18:10.000When babies are born, they have lower sperm counts.
02:18:58.000How our modern world is threatening sperm counts, altering male and female reproductive development, and imperiling the future of the human race.
02:19:07.000Stuff that's in plastics and petrochemical products, and what she said on the podcast was that if you go back to the invention of petrochemical products in the 1950s, and you see sperm counts and reproductive rates, there's a steady decline from the introduction of these plastics,
02:19:26.000because the plastics get into our blood, they get into our body.
02:19:29.000When we're eating things that are in plastics, and plastics absorb into the body.
02:19:40.000And what she was saying is that you would see in mammals, they do these studies where they introduce phthalates into mammals and they show this feminization of their bodies.
02:19:49.000The male bodies in particular, their taints grow smaller.
02:19:52.000And what she was explaining was that the taint is one of the best ways to determine whether it's a male or a female.
02:19:58.000Because the taint in mammals is 50 to 100% larger in males than it is in females.
02:20:05.000Well, the taints are shrinking in humans.
02:20:44.000She's an environmental epidemiologist.
02:20:49.000And what that means is she measures the effect on the environment on people's bodies and their reproductive systems.
02:20:56.000And what she's showing is that there's a very clear line between the introduction of these chemicals and the deterioration of our ability to make babies.
02:21:57.000When you look at today's like this obsession with gender and all this craziness with people and sexuality, there might be a lot of disenchantment that's directly related to a deterioration of your body's ability to produce certain hormones.
02:23:15.000And I don't know if a lot of them would admit it in public, but what I've noticed is that a lot of people that transition from female to male, when they start taking testosterone, after a while,
02:23:30.000eventually, they'll be secretly like, yo, I get it.
02:24:36.000It's really not fair because you turn like 12, 13 years old and you get hit with the highest dose of the most personality-changing chemical.
02:24:55.000When you're a boy, and all of a sudden, you know, you're into comic books, and you like playing darts or whatever, and then all of a sudden, a year later, you have raging boners.
02:25:05.000You're like, what the fuck is going on?
02:25:08.000And you're so confused, and you're around girls, your heart races faster, and you get so nervous around them, you can't talk.
02:25:16.000Have you seen Michael Shea's new show?
02:26:09.000I started getting laid when I was like, I guess, I was like in my 16s, somewhere around 16, like maybe 17, like close to 17, but still 16. It was when I first had a girlfriend that wanted to have sex.
02:27:30.000Because you're convinced that, you know, teenagers always think that they're the only ones that ever went through what they're going through.
02:28:28.000It may have been better if I had a better grip on the situation.
02:28:32.000No, the crazy, the embarrassing part is looking back at all those times that my parents knew what the fuck was going on and I was just convinced that I was keeping it from them.
02:28:43.000Why you been in the shower for like an extra 45 minutes?
02:30:02.000The joke was that this is how I knew that I love my daughter more than I even love myself.
02:30:09.000If I wanted a banana and I went to look and there's two bananas and there was one yellow, perfect, delicious banana and one fucked up brown banana that looked like it was falling apart, my daughter loves bananas.
02:30:26.000So I would look at that fucked up banana and go, alright, let's eat this fucked up banana.
02:30:31.000Because I don't want to eat the good banana and leave her with this fucked up banana.
02:31:00.000It's a dumb analogy, but it's accurate in that you love them more than you love yourself.
02:31:05.000You love them in this crazy way where you have to let them be themselves, but you care about them in this strange way where you can't imagine loving someone more.
02:33:19.000Something that someone, like maybe someone doesn't like you.
02:33:22.000Maybe they said something mean about you.
02:33:24.000Imagine taking that in and making it more effective.
02:33:28.000Imagine a person says something and you don't disagree, you don't agree with them, you don't like them.
02:33:33.000They said something and you take it in and you get angry at it and you hold on to it and you hold this grudge and it literally makes it more effective.
02:33:43.000Like the poison stays in you for longer.
02:33:46.000Versus, you're like, ah, that poor fuck.
02:34:32.000But what's going to happen when we get to the point where we get a sufficiently advanced AI and they start asking, like, you know, like, what do you do if you wake up tomorrow and Siri's like, Joe, why am I in your phone?
02:36:00.000You're gonna kinda know that it's not really a person.
02:36:04.000Yeah, because what are you going to do?
02:36:05.000Imagine if you can have a robot that does everything your wife or significant other does, except it's perfectly tuned to exactly what you want, exactly when you want it, exactly how you want to be treated, according to whatever fucking mood you're in,
02:36:47.000Maybe it works like this with women and women and men and men, but one of the things that works between men and women is there's a thing that you're going through where you're trying to figure each other out because you're very different, very different things, and you find a comfortable vibration where you like that person and they like you.
02:37:19.000And one of the things where it makes someone a better person when you're in a relationship with someone that you really love and appreciate is you want that person to respect you and appreciate you.
02:37:52.000And when you find people, self-respecting people that are kind people, that are nice people, that are smart people, that appreciate you and accept you, it makes you feel better because it's earned.
02:38:02.000That's the difference between that, having sex with a robot, and having sex with a person that you've developed a relationship with Yeah.
02:39:05.000If you're like some American CIA guy and you fall in love with some Russian agent, she stabs you in the neck with a syringe, and you're like, fuck!
02:40:20.000Because that dude, okay, that dude, before that lady locked him in that room...
02:40:26.000He lived and died there remember at the end of the movie that dude the computer programmer guy They got sent to that island that guy was in love with that lady that robot lady He was in love with her like legitimately well, she's a person she was Seemingly like but she had clear skin you could see the fucking things lighting up inside of her that was part of the brilliance of that movie was that they shifted between her as a pure like technological marvel and To remember when she covered her legs up with stockings and she put clothes on and
02:42:45.000So the idea that a trick, like you have a robot that wants to suck your dick, like a really super hot porn star looking robot, like you wouldn't fall for that?
02:43:55.000It's like, even if you didn't fall for it, you would do something.
02:43:57.000You would get drunk or fucking do whatever you needed to do to put yourself in the mind state to feel better.
02:44:04.000Well, if you were alone with that robot lady for hours and hours and hours, and she poured you a drink, she started talking to you, and she's stroking your head.
02:44:53.000Couldn't we just make it so you can't fuck them?
02:44:55.000Could you imagine how you would feel if you were in a position where a robot literally could just tear you apart and this is your sex robot.
02:45:18.000If the government said, look, we've seen too much abuse of robots, so we've instituted this new clause in robot production where all robots are superhuman in strength.
02:45:32.000Robot torture and abuse and and so men how to deal with the fact that there's this robot living with them that's intelligent so intelligent it can mimic a human and This is your partner your sex partner and as long as you're nice to her you can fuck her But if she wants to rip your arms off beat you to death with them You'd find some smart guys that started making their own robots again Yeah,
02:46:21.000One of the things they always say is that in alien abductions, there's this reoccurring theme where these women have of getting eggs removed from their body, embryos removed from their body, and they remember thinking that they saw a child of theirs from a previous time they'd been abducted,
02:46:39.000because they'd been multiply abducted.
02:46:40.000Like that aliens were trying to use human reproductive tissue, human...
02:46:47.000Fetuses and they were trying to repopulate their world with our genes and our babies.
02:46:53.000Who knows if it's true, but this is the thing that people say when they pretend to be abducted by aliens.
02:47:00.000Wouldn't it be way easier if you were a guy?
02:47:02.000Like, if they're trying to get a guy, like you're trying to get sperm, why would you do all this stuff where you abduct them and freak them out?
02:47:10.000How about you just send some super hot alien robot down there to fuck that dude?
02:47:16.000So all these guys out there that score these one-night stands, like, dude, you're not going to believe it, man.
02:47:24.000You're at a bar, some Holiday Inn in Des Moines, Iowa, and...
02:47:29.000It's really like a robot sperm extraction unit that's been sent here from another planet to fuck you and take your jizz out into the cosmos.
02:47:42.000There's another planet where there's like an intergalactic restaurant and they walk in and there's like a lobster tank but there's people in there and they all look like you.
02:47:50.000They just get to pick which Joe Rogan they want.
02:47:54.000Chris McGuire, the stand-up comic, and I wrote a script about a shitty casino that was run by mobsters, and the aliens came to visit the casino, and the aliens used a robot that was designed to look like Tracy Lords.
02:48:15.000It was like the Tracybot, and that robot would have sexual relations with all the people because it was extracting sperm.
02:48:21.000That's where I came up with that idea.
02:48:22.000I was like, this sounds super familiar.
02:48:33.000That aliens would pretend to just be people, and they would have sex with men that didn't deserve it, and they'd take their sperm, and then go off to another planet, and then use that sperm to...
02:49:24.000Yeah, because what I already believed about extraterrestrials, I haven't seen anything that's made that different, that's made it stronger or weaker.
02:49:32.000Like, I know that there has to be, just mathematically, there has to be Intelligent life out there somewhere.
02:50:56.000With nuclear power, there came nukes, electricity, all that shit.
02:51:00.000So whatever the next thing is that allows you to travel through space, maybe it also can swallow the sun or whatever the fuck.
02:51:07.000That's a good point, is that we haven't had a corresponding emotional development that lines up parallel with all the technological development.
02:51:15.000But maybe that's why these aliens are visiting in such large numbers now.
02:51:20.000If all those visitations are true, if all these things that they're spotting off the coast that are plunging into the ocean and all these weird crafts that are moving in speeds that they can't possibly understand...
02:51:32.000If all that shit is real and it's happening because they're recognizing that we're at this crossroads and they want to be here to make sure we don't do anything really stupid so that we don't engage in any kind of nuclear war because there's been...
02:51:45.000Again, I have no idea if all this shit is true, but the reports have been that they surrounded these nuclear missile silos and shut down launch codes and did weird shit to the computers that run these missiles.
02:52:01.000That this is part of this information leak is that there's been some moments where these things flew over Military bases and just shut down things and they don't know if that's a show of force They don't know if this is all bullshit like maybe maybe some fucking crazy persons distributing this information Maybe it's misinformation who the fuck knows but if it's true Imagine if you were an alien species and you were super advanced and you had passed the point where you're involved in Territorial
02:52:32.000warfare the way human beings are today and this society in this culture had gotten way more advanced emotionally electronically Technologically whatever they just wanted to make sure that they didn't blow the earth up like they realized like oh these these fucking crazy people have gotten to the point where I They can literally drop a bomb on a city and flatten it.
02:53:11.000We are behind when it comes to technology, but that's just because technology is exponential.
02:53:16.000It just keeps getting better and better and better and better and better, and new technology gets introduced to new technology, whereas we don't change that much.
02:53:26.000And you had a really good point about the difference between us and the Romans and a lot of human beings that existed before us.
02:53:32.000We have more information, but if you read their writings, they were surprisingly sophisticated for people that had just metal.
02:53:56.000Close enough that the technology that we have today, rockets and airplanes and video flying through space to get to another phone on the other side of the world instantaneously, wild shit that we can do now.
02:54:09.000And we just accept it as being normal.
02:54:11.000Being able to watch giant ass fucking TVs or do a podcast where your voice is getting recorded?
02:54:58.000Not only that, imagine being some person in some other country who is on the forefront of drone technology and the offers that are coming at you from all over the world.
02:55:43.000If it were, why would it do anything to alert us to its presence?
02:55:48.000If it was really intelligent, what it would do is allow us to keep living like idiots, divide us as far as possible, make sure that we're way too disjointed and way too confused and way too involved in conflict to ever band together as a community and fight off this thing and unplug all the computers.
02:56:09.000We'd never trust each other enough to do that.