The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1685

00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:05.000 Train by day.

00:00:07.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.

00:00:08.000 All day.

00:00:14.000 Alright, we're back after a brief hiate.

00:00:15.000 We had a little fuck up here, but we're back.

00:00:17.000 Cheers again.

00:00:18.000 Yeah, cheers.

00:00:18.000 So we were saying that, I was saying that this is Stan Hope's move, drinking Bud Light, and you were saying that you like drinking Bud Light because you could drink more, and then I said Stan Hope switched to cocktails.

00:00:28.000 All this happened, we had to fuck up with the recording.

00:00:31.000 But you said you lived with Stan Hope.

00:00:33.000 I did.

00:00:34.000 At the fucking Neverland Ranch?

00:00:36.000 Yes.

00:00:36.000 It was crazy.

00:00:37.000 Yeah, what's he doing out there?

00:00:39.000 What do you think?

00:00:40.000 Yeah.

00:00:41.000 Just being bombed and having random strangers show up at his house?

00:00:45.000 Yeah, he doesn't care.

00:00:45.000 I mean, he's still, he's so funny.

00:00:48.000 But, yeah, every once in a while he'd get a little nasty.

00:00:51.000 Yeah?

00:00:52.000 He'd turn on me.

00:00:53.000 He'd turn on you?

00:00:53.000 Yeah, I'd say every...

00:00:54.000 I mean, it was like a month, and I can drink, but I can't...

00:00:59.000 So you lived with them for a whole month?

00:01:00.000 Yeah, I stayed in the guest house.

00:01:02.000 What is that place like, that Bisbee, Arizona?

00:01:04.000 It's a cool town.

00:01:05.000 It's really cool.

00:01:06.000 Yeah, it's like an old mining town.

00:01:09.000 So every house is like an old mine shack.

00:01:11.000 It's crazy.

00:01:12.000 And most of the people there, what do they do?

00:01:15.000 I think when the mines closed, because it was an old copper mine, And they all, like hippies from California moved in there.

00:01:23.000 So it's like a real RT town.

00:01:25.000 Is he like the mayor of the town?

00:01:27.000 Yeah, pretty much.

00:01:28.000 Yeah.

00:01:29.000 Although I think all he does is, I could be wrong.

00:01:31.000 Maybe his routine changed during COVID. In fact, I know it did.

00:01:35.000 But they...

00:01:36.000 Yeah, that was it.

00:01:42.000 He would just go to the grocery store and come back.

00:01:44.000 That was his...

00:01:45.000 That's it?

00:01:46.000 That's it.

00:01:48.000 That's it?

00:01:48.000 That's it.

00:01:49.000 Just make sure he's got enough money in the bank?

00:01:51.000 Yeah, talk shit, do podcasts.

00:01:53.000 Wow.

00:01:54.000 Yeah.

00:01:55.000 Yeah.

00:01:55.000 It was fun.

00:01:56.000 But yeah, like I said, every once in a while he'd get a couple drinks and be like, look at you.

00:02:01.000 He'd be hanging out and out of nowhere he'd be like, you're fat.

00:02:03.000 I'd be like, alright man, what the fuck, dude?

00:02:07.000 That's the hard booze.

00:02:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:02:09.000 That's hard booze thinking.

00:02:10.000 People that just drink Bud Lights, they probably don't get that nasty.

00:02:14.000 It's a slow trickle.

00:02:15.000 No.

00:02:15.000 Yeah, this is my dad.

00:02:17.000 Dad just drinks these all night.

00:02:19.000 It's not the best flavor.

00:02:20.000 It's crazy.

00:02:21.000 Couple BLs, dude?

00:02:23.000 It's okay.

00:02:25.000 It'd probably be real good with like crabs.

00:02:28.000 Yeah.

00:02:28.000 You know, like some seafood and like a nice light beer.

00:02:31.000 Drinking outside, it's perfect.

00:02:33.000 Yeah, real cold.

00:02:33.000 Yeah, you can't drink like craft or like IPAs outside.

00:02:37.000 Yeah, you can.

00:02:37.000 I don't like it.

00:02:38.000 I do.

00:02:39.000 What the fuck's your problem?

00:02:40.000 I like dark beer.

00:02:42.000 I do.

00:02:43.000 Yeah, I like stouts.

00:02:43.000 Well, you work out.

00:02:44.000 You're in shape and shit.

00:02:45.000 Yeah, but that's not why I like it.

00:02:46.000 Yeah, I know, but if I start crushing IPAs, I'll get hammered.

00:02:50.000 Balloon.

00:02:51.000 Yeah, it's good times.

00:02:52.000 I'll be huge.

00:02:52.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:02:54.000 If I drink 12 IPAs a night instead of Bud Lights, it'd be a disaster.

00:02:58.000 That's true.

00:02:58.000 But you wouldn't need 12. You'd need five, and you'd have the same effect.

00:03:03.000 Yeah, but that's why I try not to drink liquor ever.

00:03:06.000 I'm trying not to get fucking hammered at these places.

00:03:09.000 You're just trying to keep a steady buzz.

00:03:10.000 Yeah, because I'll get drunk.

00:03:11.000 I had a bad habit of getting hammered at clubs and talking shit.

00:03:15.000 That sounds like a normal comedian.

00:03:17.000 Yeah, it sounds like everyone.

00:03:18.000 But then the anxiety the next day, all that.

00:03:21.000 What did I say to this person?

00:03:22.000 That is the worst!

00:03:24.000 That's the worst feeling when you're all drunk together and you're like, did I say something stupid?

00:03:28.000 He said, I say wild shit.

00:03:29.000 And you know people said stupid shit to you, so you're like, man, was I that guy too?

00:03:33.000 Yeah.

00:03:34.000 Yeah, you were.

00:03:36.000 Definitely.

00:03:37.000 At the cellar now, it's like we're all having conversations about race and shit like that.

00:03:42.000 And you might get hammered?

00:03:43.000 I might get hammered and be like, would you guys shut up?

00:03:46.000 Just wake up the next day like, oh, fuck.

00:03:48.000 There is nothing worse than comedians that are virtue signaling.

00:03:53.000 Like, around other comedians and trying to establish a way that we should all communicate.

00:03:57.000 And you're like...

00:03:59.000 Yeah.

00:04:00.000 What the fuck are you saying?

00:04:01.000 Are you pretending this is real?

00:04:02.000 Are you pretending this is real?

00:04:04.000 I thought we were all in on this.

00:04:04.000 Yeah, we're all in on this.

00:04:05.000 We're all good people talking mad shit.

00:04:08.000 There's no bad people here.

00:04:10.000 Just because someone says something ridiculous to make other people laugh, like, yeah, that's what they're doing.

00:04:14.000 Yeah.

00:04:15.000 We know the game.

00:04:16.000 Yeah.

00:04:17.000 It's like, they're opportunists.

00:04:20.000 They find a way to claim the moral high ground, to be upset at everybody else.

00:04:27.000 But if you're a comedian and you do that, you're a traitor.

00:04:30.000 You know what's going on.

00:04:31.000 You know that these guys are just talking shit.

00:04:34.000 And talking shit is a real thing.

00:04:36.000 It's a thing.

00:04:37.000 It's like, here's my real statement.

00:04:39.000 Here's how I really feel about things.

00:04:41.000 Here's honesty.

00:04:42.000 Here's me, you know, just being vulnerable and truthful.

00:04:45.000 And then, here's me talking shit.

00:04:47.000 It's shit.

00:04:48.000 It is literally shit.

00:04:50.000 It's not real.

00:04:51.000 No, we're saying ridiculous things to make each other laugh.

00:04:56.000 I'm gonna get fucked up on this.

00:04:57.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:04:58.000 Good.

00:04:59.000 Let's start talking shit by the end of this.

00:05:01.000 Six or seven of these, and we'll have a good buzz going.

00:05:05.000 Yeah, man.

00:05:06.000 It might grow on me.

00:05:07.000 It's not bad.

00:05:08.000 I get the idea, though.

00:05:09.000 You know, that's one of the things that I've been reading about lately.

00:05:12.000 I'm actually rereading this book by Brian Murarescu.

00:05:17.000 It's called The Immortality Key.

00:05:20.000 It's all about ancient Greece and how they used to take wine, and they had wine laced with all these psychedelic chemicals, and that's, you know, the whole Eleusinian mysteries.

00:05:30.000 But back then, everybody used to drink all day.

00:05:35.000 The alcohol was terrible.

00:05:36.000 The wine had 3% alcohol.

00:05:38.000 The booze had 3%.

00:05:40.000 Beer was 3%.

00:05:41.000 They didn't know how to make strong shit like they know how to make today.

00:05:45.000 And everybody was drunk all the time.

00:05:48.000 Yeah, what else are you going to do?

00:05:49.000 Yeah.

00:05:50.000 Sitting around, waiting to get fucking killed by barbarians?

00:05:54.000 You better get hammered.

00:05:55.000 The barbarians are on mushrooms.

00:05:57.000 Yeah, they were.

00:05:58.000 That was the thing.

00:05:59.000 Like, the Vikings, they were all on mushrooms.

00:06:01.000 Were they?

00:06:01.000 Yeah, they would do mushrooms and go berserking.

00:06:04.000 Yeah, they would do some bad things.

00:06:06.000 I can't imagine doing those things on mushrooms.

00:06:08.000 Yeah, but if you lived back then, you could.

00:06:10.000 True.

00:06:11.000 If, like, that was a normal part of everyday life, was cutting people apart, you'd probably want to be on mushrooms.

00:06:15.000 Yeah, I'd take mushrooms and giggle.

00:06:17.000 Yeah, probably.

00:06:18.000 You guys would take it and...

00:06:19.000 But they might have giggled, too.

00:06:20.000 I bet they were giggling.

00:06:22.000 Yeah, I would imagine.

00:06:24.000 We're lucky.

00:06:25.000 But that's why people complain today, you know, because it's pretty easy.

00:06:29.000 So the things that people complain about, they're relatively mild in comparison to the historical record of how fucked up life was.

00:06:37.000 Yeah.

00:06:38.000 Yeah, it was terrible.

00:06:39.000 Did you buy that shirt on purpose?

00:06:40.000 Yeah.

00:06:41.000 Really?

00:06:42.000 Yes.

00:06:42.000 So you saw that in the store and you're like, this is the one.

00:06:44.000 I saw this shirt and I was like, that's the drip.

00:06:45.000 That's it.

00:06:46.000 This is the drip.

00:06:49.000 Gym shorts and a Walmart polo.

00:06:52.000 Do you play golf?

00:06:53.000 No.

00:06:53.000 Good for you.

00:06:54.000 I go drink.

00:06:54.000 I watch my friends play golf.

00:06:57.000 I'll go on the cart.

00:06:58.000 It's fun.

00:06:58.000 Do you have a shirt like that?

00:06:59.000 Do you have golf shirts that you wear?

00:07:00.000 I do, but not like that.

00:07:02.000 They're not as fly as this?

00:07:04.000 Is that what you're saying?

00:07:06.000 Tiger Woods collection.

00:07:07.000 I was with Ari at the house and I was like, I look like a dickhead, right?

00:07:10.000 He was like, no, you look fine.

00:07:13.000 Is Ari staying at Tim's too?

00:07:14.000 Oh no.

00:07:15.000 It's just me and Ari.

00:07:16.000 It's just me and that fucking guy.

00:07:18.000 Took his dick out already.

00:07:19.000 Of course he did.

00:07:20.000 Which is fine.

00:07:21.000 Taking your dick out with other people around is funny.

00:07:24.000 But just with one dude.

00:07:25.000 But it's just me and him.

00:07:26.000 And I was like, dude, who's this joke for, bro?

00:07:28.000 It's just you and me.

00:07:29.000 It was great.

00:07:30.000 Plus, I guarantee you Tim's got cameras everywhere.

00:07:32.000 Oh, definitely.

00:07:33.000 Recording everything.

00:07:34.000 He's probably watching like, yes.

00:07:35.000 Take it out.

00:07:36.000 Let's go.

00:07:38.000 Let's go.

00:07:38.000 So we were out.

00:07:39.000 Me and Ari were swimming.

00:07:41.000 And I was like, I bet you I can swim underwater the length of the pool.

00:07:44.000 And he was like, I bet you can't.

00:07:45.000 So I did it.

00:07:46.000 And then when I got, I was like out of breath, got to the other side, I was like, came out and his dick was out.

00:07:51.000 He was standing outside of the pool.

00:07:53.000 I was like, God damn it.

00:07:54.000 I was like tired.

00:07:58.000 He's a wild motherfucker.

00:07:59.000 That dude lived most of the pandemic in South America.

00:08:03.000 Yeah.

00:08:03.000 Just moved to South America for a while.

00:08:05.000 Didn't know anybody down there.

00:08:06.000 Got an Airbnb.

00:08:07.000 Started doing yoga up there.

00:08:09.000 Yeah.

00:08:09.000 Yeah, he's great.

00:08:10.000 Well, he's all about that.

00:08:11.000 Me and him, we don't share a lot in common.

00:08:14.000 He was walking around.

00:08:15.000 He's like, we should go hiking.

00:08:16.000 We should do this.

00:08:16.000 I was like, dude, shut up.

00:08:18.000 Let's watch SportsCenter and drink.

00:08:20.000 So yeah, he was trying to get me to go down there with him.

00:08:23.000 He's big on new experiences, like hiking type things, going places and traveling.

00:08:28.000 I don't like it.

00:08:29.000 Well, he got real big on travel a few years back where he took like three solid months off where he didn't do any comedy.

00:08:38.000 He left his laptop at home.

00:08:41.000 I think he brought a flip phone, and he just traveled.

00:08:45.000 And no one can get in touch with him.

00:08:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:08:48.000 Didn't he go to China?

00:08:49.000 Yeah, he went all over the place.

00:08:51.000 He went all through Asia, stayed in hostels.

00:08:54.000 Like, okay.

00:08:54.000 Yeah, he likes that.

00:08:55.000 He asked me to go to Bonnaroo with him this year.

00:08:58.000 I was like, dude, I'm not going to a fucking...

00:08:59.000 It's gonna be 95 degrees with just hippies and tents.

00:09:02.000 Where's Bonnaroo?

00:09:03.000 I think Tennessee.

00:09:05.000 Right?

00:09:07.000 That's his vibe.

00:09:08.000 I don't like that.

00:09:08.000 I'm not going to a fucking tent.

00:09:10.000 Yeah, he likes taking Molly and hanging out with weirdos.

00:09:13.000 I like taking Molly.

00:09:14.000 And hanging out with weirdos?

00:09:15.000 Yeah, I don't like the weirdos.

00:09:17.000 In fact, I take Molly, I want to be alone.

00:09:19.000 Yeah.

00:09:20.000 But yeah.

00:09:22.000 He's living the life of a free man.

00:09:25.000 I don't think I know anybody that values freedom like Ari does.

00:09:31.000 Because he values freedom from everything.

00:09:35.000 Freedom from the best job in the world.

00:09:37.000 Even though stand-up's the best job in the world, he'll take months off of his schedule.

00:09:42.000 I'm not doing anything.

00:09:43.000 I'm not doing any podcasts.

00:09:44.000 I'm not doing anything.

00:09:44.000 I'm just going to wander around.

00:09:46.000 With nobody.

00:09:47.000 By himself.

00:09:47.000 Yeah.

00:09:48.000 It's impressive.

00:09:49.000 I don't have that.

00:09:50.000 It's a weird instinct.

00:09:52.000 Well, I think it's from when he was a kid, leaving the whole Jewish thing.

00:09:58.000 He's probably accustomed to losing his entire community.

00:10:03.000 For people who don't know, he lived, what is it?

00:10:06.000 It's not a kibbutz, right?

00:10:08.000 Is that what it was?

00:10:09.000 He lived somewhere in Israel where they read the Talmud like 12 hours a day.

00:10:13.000 Yeah.

00:10:14.000 And they did chores and he was in like a religious retreat.

00:10:17.000 They're Amish.

00:10:17.000 Yeah, basically.

00:10:18.000 Yeah.

00:10:19.000 Jewish Amish.

00:10:20.000 And then they realized, or he realized like, fuck this.

00:10:23.000 Like, what am I doing?

00:10:24.000 This is bullshit.

00:10:25.000 Yeah, the strength that that takes to be like.

00:10:26.000 Oh my God.

00:10:27.000 What the fuck are we doing?

00:10:28.000 Yeah.

00:10:28.000 He just takes massive balls.

00:10:30.000 Yeah.

00:10:30.000 He has those, too.

00:10:32.000 Mm-hmm.

00:10:32.000 Just saw them.

00:10:33.000 Legitimately.

00:10:34.000 Yeah.

00:10:34.000 They're, like, shockingly low hanging.

00:10:38.000 What's going on there?

00:10:40.000 Yeah.

00:10:41.000 The shirt's good, though.

00:10:43.000 Yours?

00:10:44.000 Yeah, this is good.

00:10:44.000 Okay, I'm fine with it.

00:10:45.000 This is good stuff.

00:10:45.000 I'd wear it for a goof.

00:10:47.000 Yeah.

00:10:48.000 I could wear that shirt.

00:10:49.000 You should.

00:10:50.000 Yeah.

00:10:50.000 Start wearing golf stuff.

00:10:51.000 Yeah, why not?

00:10:53.000 People would think, oh, I told you he was a Republican.

00:10:55.000 Oh, yeah, true, true.

00:10:56.000 Would it match that hat you like?

00:10:57.000 Which hat?

00:10:58.000 The golf hat.

00:10:59.000 Which one?

00:10:59.000 The one that Bill Burr made fun of you for.

00:11:01.000 Oh, my Little Rascal's hat.

00:11:02.000 It's a golf hat.

00:11:03.000 Is that what it is?

00:11:04.000 Yeah.

00:11:04.000 It's a paperboy hat.

00:11:05.000 Yeah.

00:11:05.000 It's a golf hat.

00:11:06.000 Payne Stewart, he used to wear it all the time.

00:11:07.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:08.000 Okay.

00:11:09.000 Yeah, a Jeff cap, right?

00:11:11.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:11:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:13.000 My dad wears those.

00:11:14.000 I like those.

00:11:14.000 It's pretty funny.

00:11:15.000 Yeah.

00:11:15.000 Those are my favorite hats.

00:11:17.000 So we all have weird tastes.

00:11:19.000 I don't know.

00:11:19.000 I like them.

00:11:20.000 They look good on my fat, round head.

00:11:22.000 Do they?

00:11:23.000 Yeah, if I had one here, I'd put it on so you could see.

00:11:25.000 He'd be like, nice.

00:11:26.000 Yeah, I'd have to be like, well, of course I would.

00:11:29.000 I'm not going to be like, you look like a fucking idiot.

00:11:33.000 I'm nervous, dude.

00:11:34.000 Of course I'll be like, yeah, everything you do is great.

00:11:35.000 Well, we need more of these.

00:11:36.000 Cheers.

00:11:36.000 Yeah, true.

00:11:37.000 Cheers, man.

00:11:37.000 Couple more of these.

00:11:39.000 So, are you still living in New York?

00:11:42.000 I am.

00:11:43.000 You like it out there?

00:11:44.000 I mean, the only thing I like is doing stand-up, so...

00:11:47.000 Yeah.

00:11:48.000 That's the only thing I do.

00:11:49.000 Yeah.

00:11:50.000 I just hang out, Uber to the club.

00:11:52.000 You had some funny shit last night, man.

00:11:54.000 Oh, thank you very much.

00:11:54.000 That was a lot of fun.

00:11:55.000 Thank you.

00:11:56.000 These two nights have been really fun.

00:11:57.000 Yeah, they've been awesome, man.

00:11:58.000 You too.

00:11:58.000 I've been...

00:11:59.000 It's good.

00:12:00.000 You're still out there swinging like that?

00:12:01.000 Yeah, you gotta swing.

00:12:02.000 Bro, I was standing in the back with Ari and you started going and I was looking at him like...

00:12:07.000 Joe's gonna get in trouble?

00:12:09.000 Yeah, you get in trouble.

00:12:10.000 Yeah, of course.

00:12:10.000 Yeah, I mean, some people are gonna get mad, but it's comedy, you know?

00:12:13.000 The people that aren't mad are having a great time.

00:12:16.000 I mean, we saw, we just did two nights in a row.

00:12:20.000 Everybody's having a great time.

00:12:21.000 And these shows at Vulcan that we've been doing on Tuesday and Wednesday nights, they sell out, like, instantly.

00:12:26.000 Yeah.

00:12:26.000 And it's fun.

00:12:27.000 It's awesome in there.

00:12:28.000 Everybody's enthusiastic.

00:12:29.000 Great crowds.

00:12:30.000 Austin's amazing.

00:12:31.000 I fucking love it here.

00:12:32.000 Austin's cool.

00:12:34.000 The area around there, I don't like it.

00:12:36.000 It's a little sketchy.

00:12:37.000 A lot of homeless.

00:12:37.000 Yeah.

00:12:38.000 Well, it's not well regulated.

00:12:41.000 No.

00:12:42.000 And these knuckleheads decided to defund the police.

00:12:44.000 It's a super unwise move.

00:12:47.000 It gets weird down there.

00:12:50.000 Yeah, it's like Bonnaroo out there, dude.

00:12:51.000 It was just intense and on drugs.

00:12:53.000 Yeah, but you know what?

00:12:55.000 Relatively speaking, it's exciting.

00:12:58.000 Yeah, you got a fucking driver and a bodyguard, dude.

00:13:02.000 And you do karate.

00:13:03.000 Yeah, it's fun.

00:13:04.000 I'm walking around just like, dude, I'm gonna get fucked up here.

00:13:07.000 Don't walk around.

00:13:07.000 You gotta walk around.

00:13:09.000 Get from the parking lot into the structure, and then from the structure to the parking lot, and then we vacate the area.

00:13:14.000 That's what you do.

00:13:16.000 Yeah, you secure the perimeter of the area with security.

00:13:18.000 Yeah, I like doing comedy in fucking Fallujah.

00:13:22.000 What the fuck, dude?

00:13:26.000 It is fun.

00:13:27.000 It is fun.

00:13:28.000 It is.

00:13:29.000 Until it's not.

00:13:29.000 Until it's not, yes.

00:13:31.000 One day, somebody's not going to have fun.

00:13:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:33.000 But that's part of what the fun is.

00:13:35.000 True.

00:13:35.000 You cannot have light without dark.

00:13:37.000 You cannot have sunshine without rain.

00:13:40.000 If you have sunshine all the time, you have California, and everybody's fucked up.

00:13:43.000 They don't know what to do.

00:13:44.000 Because they're baffled.

00:13:46.000 It's like someone who stays up for five days in a row.

00:13:48.000 You lose the cycle.

00:13:50.000 There's no cycle.

00:13:50.000 So you get confused.

00:13:51.000 You need a little winter.

00:13:53.000 You need a little sun.

00:13:54.000 You need a little cold.

00:13:55.000 You need a little bit of everything.

00:13:57.000 You can't just only eat cake, you fuck.

00:14:00.000 You can't just eat cake.

00:14:01.000 That's what California people are doing.

00:14:03.000 They're just eating cake.

00:14:04.000 Even California now, they're recognizing, like, Los Angeles is hitting a massive crime wave.

00:14:09.000 Like, fucking crime is everywhere.

00:14:11.000 I know so many friends who their apartment's been broken into, their car's been broken into, they've been robbed.

00:14:17.000 So many people are getting robbed there.

00:14:18.000 It's just a totally different situation.

00:14:21.000 And, you know, that makes it more dangerous, but it also makes it more fun.

00:14:25.000 A little more fun.

00:14:27.000 Yeah.

00:14:27.000 Philly's doing that, too.

00:14:29.000 Like Burr was saying when he did Saturday Night Live, and when he did that sketch, or that opening monologue, rather, and he talked about, what's his name, that got punched, the little dude?

00:14:38.000 Yeah, yeah, the guy from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

00:14:41.000 What the fuck's his name?

00:14:42.000 Rick Moranis.

00:14:43.000 They punched Rick Moranis.

00:14:45.000 He goes, New York's back, baby!

00:14:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:14:49.000 That was a rough one, dude.

00:14:51.000 Rick took one on the chin.

00:14:52.000 Yeah, he, out of nowhere, for no reason.

00:14:54.000 Someone just sucker punched him.

00:14:55.000 But that's what happens when you have all this...

00:14:57.000 You shouldn't have shrunk those fucking kids.

00:14:58.000 That's probably that homeless guy.

00:14:59.000 I probably saw that.

00:15:00.000 Maybe.

00:15:01.000 You got mad.

00:15:02.000 I don't like people playing with my kids.

00:15:03.000 Right.

00:15:04.000 Probably.

00:15:05.000 It's all this crazy rhetoric.

00:15:08.000 White people are terrible rhetoric.

00:15:10.000 A lot of just run up to random whiteys and punch them.

00:15:14.000 Yeah.

00:15:15.000 That's good, though.

00:15:15.000 Keeps our head on a swivel a little.

00:15:17.000 Maybe.

00:15:17.000 It's time for the whiteys to start.

00:15:19.000 When you're 60 years old and you don't know karate, and you're Rick Moranis, it's probably not the best.

00:15:24.000 It's getting leveled.

00:15:25.000 Yeah, and that guy's not going to recover from that well.

00:15:28.000 No.

00:15:29.000 You know?

00:15:31.000 He's not Mark Hunt.

00:15:32.000 Yeah, he'll bounce back.

00:15:35.000 Rick's tough, dude.

00:15:36.000 What do you know about Rick?

00:15:37.000 I don't know anything about Rick.

00:15:38.000 He's got a chin.

00:15:39.000 I'm just taking a guess.

00:15:40.000 I don't think so.

00:15:41.000 He went down pretty quick.

00:15:42.000 It was a sneak shot, dude.

00:15:43.000 It was a sneak shot.

00:15:44.000 That's true.

00:15:46.000 Yeah.

00:15:46.000 You can see his instincts kick in a little.

00:15:48.000 Really?

00:15:48.000 You think so?

00:15:49.000 A little covering up?

00:15:50.000 Yeah, if you watch it close, you'll see Rick.

00:15:51.000 I thought that was like a seizure.

00:15:53.000 No, he definitely did not.

00:15:54.000 He did not react at all.

00:15:56.000 He got leveled.

00:15:58.000 A day later, he was like, what happened?

00:16:01.000 Yeah.

00:16:02.000 Tim told me, Dylan told me that he was in Times Square and he felt like he was being hunted.

00:16:07.000 He's like, dude, it's so dangerous there now.

00:16:10.000 It used to be so easy to walk, and now you walk into the streets, you feel like a victim.

00:16:14.000 Yeah.

00:16:15.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:16:17.000 But I just moved there.

00:16:18.000 I moved there like a year before COVID started.

00:16:21.000 Oh, really?

00:16:22.000 Yeah.

00:16:22.000 From where?

00:16:23.000 Philly.

00:16:23.000 Oh, that's where you're from?

00:16:24.000 Yeah.

00:16:25.000 No, I'm from Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania.

00:16:27.000 Where'd you start doing stand-up?

00:16:29.000 The first open mics I did were at the Harrisburg Comedy Zone.

00:16:32.000 My parents used to live in Harrisburg.

00:16:34.000 What?

00:16:34.000 Yeah.

00:16:35.000 Yeah, that's where I started.

00:16:36.000 Nice.

00:16:37.000 Yeah, they moved to Harrisburg for a while.

00:16:38.000 They lived in Harrisburg, and they lived somewhere else out there.

00:16:42.000 There was another, like, real rural area of Pennsylvania.

00:16:45.000 I'm like, people who think of Pennsylvania, they think of Philly.

00:16:49.000 You know, you think of Pennsylvania, you think of Pittsburgh, you think Philly, you think cities.

00:16:53.000 You're out there, you just smell cow shit, and you see deer everywhere.

00:16:56.000 Lancaster, PA, a lot of Amish.

00:16:59.000 Mechanicsburgs.

00:17:00.000 It was white trash.

00:17:01.000 It's getting a little more...

00:17:02.000 It's getting gentrified.

00:17:04.000 Is it?

00:17:04.000 Yeah.

00:17:05.000 Well, people are spreading out.

00:17:07.000 I think that's one thing that happened with COVID. People are moving out of cities in a lot of places.

00:17:12.000 There's still plenty of people in cities, obviously.

00:17:14.000 But a lot of folks are like, do I need to do this?

00:17:17.000 I can work from home.

00:17:18.000 Yeah.

00:17:19.000 Yeah, that'd be nice.

00:17:20.000 I think that's the plan, eventually.

00:17:22.000 For you?

00:17:22.000 Like, to get good enough at stand-up to do, like, what Nate Borgazzi's doing, just living in fucking Tennessee.

00:17:28.000 Nashville.

00:17:28.000 Just traveling, yeah.

00:17:29.000 Or you could live out here.

00:17:30.000 This is the move.

00:17:31.000 I don't know, man.

00:17:32.000 You don't like it out here?

00:17:33.000 No, I like it.

00:17:34.000 It's fine.

00:17:35.000 I like the Northeast.

00:17:36.000 Yeah.

00:17:37.000 I do.

00:17:37.000 I get it.

00:17:38.000 And I just got in at the cellar and all that, so.

00:17:40.000 Yeah.

00:17:41.000 I want to do that for a while.

00:17:42.000 Well, you could always just travel around, too.

00:17:45.000 You could always just get a condo.

00:17:49.000 Guys like Tim that have places out here that you could stay at, I would buy a comedy condo, but I do not trust comedians.

00:17:56.000 For the club, I would have a condo out here where comics could stay, but they'll ruin it.

00:18:01.000 They will ruin it.

00:18:02.000 They'll punch a hole in the wall and piss on it and then show me a video.

00:18:06.000 I'm like, what are you doing?

00:18:07.000 Come on, man, you're rich.

00:18:09.000 Come on, dude!

00:18:10.000 The fuck was funny!

00:18:11.000 I swear to God, before I came here, me and Ari were talking about that.

00:18:13.000 It was funny!

00:18:14.000 We're staying at Tim's place.

00:18:15.000 We should just fucking destroy this house.

00:18:17.000 That's what I'm saying!

00:18:18.000 And if it's mine, they probably will.

00:18:20.000 Yeah.

00:18:21.000 Yeah.

00:18:21.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:18:22.000 I would never do that.

00:18:22.000 I know you wouldn't.

00:18:24.000 Not to you.

00:18:24.000 But some guys would.

00:18:25.000 Some guys might.

00:18:26.000 Yeah, some guys for sure will.

00:18:27.000 But they don't know you know fucking karate, dude.

00:18:28.000 They know.

00:18:28.000 Fuck them up.

00:18:29.000 They don't care.

00:18:30.000 Just a leg kick?

00:18:31.000 And then they'll be happy.

00:18:32.000 They'll sue you.

00:18:33.000 And then they'll make even more money.

00:18:34.000 True.

00:18:34.000 I dare you to fucking leg kick me.

00:18:36.000 Like, all I did was make a video of pissing in a hole in his wall.

00:18:39.000 Whatever.

00:18:40.000 What's this guy's problem?

00:18:41.000 Tell me he hasn't done that before?

00:18:43.000 You ever piss in a hole in the wall?

00:18:45.000 If I had a hole in someone's wall and I was drunk and it was funny and somebody had a camera, I'd probably do it.

00:18:50.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:18:50.000 Yeah.

00:18:52.000 You know, because you think you're never going to get that piss out of the wall.

00:18:55.000 Yeah.

00:18:56.000 I had a friend that did that.

00:18:57.000 He was at a house party and he got in a fight.

00:18:59.000 And then he went and punched a hole in the wall and threw up in it.

00:19:04.000 John Nunn, what up, bro?

00:19:05.000 I think he's trying to have a career right now.

00:19:08.000 What's he having a career in?

00:19:09.000 I think actually film.

00:19:11.000 He does.

00:19:12.000 He can only help.

00:19:13.000 Yeah, he'll be fine.

00:19:15.000 But that was a good story.

00:19:15.000 I think he got stabbed, too, at this party.

00:19:17.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:19:18.000 That's a real party.

00:19:19.000 Yeah, he had a party.

00:19:20.000 Punching a hole in the wall after losing a fight and throwing up in it.

00:19:23.000 Have you ever been in a party where a full melee brawl breaks out?

00:19:27.000 Like a bunch of- yeah, yeah in college.

00:19:30.000 I was in one- just when I graduated high school.

00:19:33.000 There was a kid who was- I think he was from Iran and his family had a lot of money and they had a mansion in Beacon Hill.

00:19:42.000 I think it was in Beacon Hill.

00:19:43.000 I'm trying to remember.

00:19:45.000 I don't know.

00:19:46.000 But it was somewhere in the Newton, Massachusetts area where they have like a lot of money.

00:19:50.000 And this kid just invited everybody over to his house.

00:19:54.000 So all these people that he didn't know.

00:19:56.000 Hundreds of kids were at this guy's party.

00:19:58.000 And this girl, I still to this day can't remember what she did.

00:20:03.000 She either threw a drink in a guy's face or she hit him.

00:20:06.000 I can't remember what happened.

00:20:07.000 But I was there when the first spark started the fire.

00:20:11.000 I remember exactly where I was.

00:20:13.000 There was like a staircase.

00:20:20.000 I think she threw a drink at him.

00:20:22.000 And this dude just fucking uncorks a picture-perfect right hand in her face.

00:20:28.000 A lady?

00:20:29.000 Bam!

00:20:30.000 Her head snaps back.

00:20:32.000 She goes out.

00:20:33.000 She falls back.

00:20:34.000 And then madness.

00:20:36.000 And then madness.

00:20:37.000 And then there's fucking people jumping on people and smashing things and throwing people over stairs.

00:20:43.000 And I'm like fucking ducking and I make my way out.

00:20:47.000 There's piles of people.

00:20:48.000 I'm looking for my friends.

00:20:49.000 It was wild.

00:20:51.000 Well, it was pre-Twitter.

00:20:51.000 That's how they handled this.

00:20:52.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:20:53.000 It was like the 80s.

00:20:55.000 It was wild.

00:20:56.000 I'll never forget it.

00:20:58.000 It was just like, all of a sudden, you could feel it in the air.

00:21:00.000 People were just looking to punch people.

00:21:02.000 It's like something happens to people when there's a mob mentality thing.

00:21:06.000 People were just looking to punch people.

00:21:08.000 You could tell.

00:21:08.000 People didn't even know anybody.

00:21:10.000 They were just looking at you like, maybe I'll punch you.

00:21:12.000 You're like, hey!

00:21:13.000 I'm trying to get out of here.

00:21:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:21:14.000 It's like, whose side are you on?

00:21:15.000 Yeah, no sides.

00:21:17.000 Get me the fuck out of here.

00:21:18.000 I snuck through it without getting hit, and I got outside, and friends of mine were, like, in piles.

00:21:23.000 These piles of people fighting random piles of other people.

00:21:26.000 The last one, it was in high school, we got in a group fight.

00:21:28.000 I went to the Catholic high school, the public high school.

00:21:31.000 We decided to meet to fight, and I guess half their guys didn't show up to the fight, so me and, yeah, we just jumped to them.

00:21:39.000 How many kids?

00:21:40.000 How many?

00:21:40.000 It was probably like, we were probably about 20 to 30 deep.

00:21:44.000 They were probably like 10. We just beat the fuck out of these kids.

00:21:48.000 My one friend Bison, dude, he was like...

00:21:51.000 You have a friend named Bison?

00:21:52.000 Yeah, it's his nickname.

00:21:53.000 He's going to be very happy when he hears this.

00:21:54.000 He was a big guy.

00:21:55.000 He was way out of high school.

00:21:56.000 He was like 24. He showed up.

00:21:58.000 Oh no!

00:21:59.000 He was huge.

00:22:00.000 He started doing wrestling moves to these kids.

00:22:03.000 Oh no!

00:22:03.000 He had a kid in a lion tamer.

00:22:04.000 Put him in the walls of Jericho.

00:22:06.000 Jesus Christ.

00:22:08.000 Kid was crying.

00:22:08.000 Jesus Christ.

00:22:09.000 It was wonderful, yeah.

00:22:10.000 That's child abuse.

00:22:11.000 That was, yeah.

00:22:12.000 He should face charges.

00:22:13.000 He should face charges.

00:22:14.000 Something.

00:22:14.000 Someone should call his mom, at least.

00:22:16.000 Yeah, but it was funny, because a lot of the kids who were afraid to fight, that were with us, my friends, were kind of hiding.

00:22:22.000 It was at night, so they were hiding in the dark.

00:22:24.000 And then once one kid from the other school went down, they'd all swarm and start kicking him in the face and shit.

00:22:29.000 Jesus Christ.

00:22:31.000 My mentality is real.

00:22:33.000 That's the walls of Jericho.

00:22:33.000 Yes, that's what happened.

00:22:34.000 That's what he meant.

00:22:34.000 Now imagine a 25-year-old man who was like 350 pounds.

00:22:40.000 So a MMA fighter used the walls of Jericho to win a match?

00:22:43.000 That's Chris Jericho.

00:22:44.000 That's his name.

00:22:44.000 Right, right, right.

00:22:45.000 But what MMA fighter used that to win a match?

00:22:48.000 Oh, no, no.

00:22:48.000 In his fight.

00:22:49.000 No, no, no.

00:22:50.000 See, it says MMA fighter.

00:22:52.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:22:52.000 I didn't see that.

00:22:53.000 That's what you're seeing.

00:22:53.000 Yeah.

00:22:54.000 Jamie.

00:22:54.000 Jamie's blind.

00:22:55.000 I wasn't looking at the screen.

00:22:55.000 Who the fuck used that in a fight?

00:22:58.000 If you used that in a...

00:22:59.000 Oh, my God.

00:22:59.000 It really did.

00:23:01.000 Look at this.

00:23:02.000 Whoa.

00:23:04.000 Oh my god.

00:23:05.000 That works, man.

00:23:07.000 That's tremendous pressure on your back.

00:23:09.000 That's crazy.

00:23:10.000 Yeah, I saw it happen to a guy.

00:23:10.000 He cried.

00:23:12.000 So they're calling it a Boston Crab?

00:23:13.000 Is that a Boston Crab?

00:23:15.000 Dude, you're tagged in that.

00:23:17.000 I know.

00:23:17.000 I asked for a long time ago.

00:23:19.000 That's hilarious.

00:23:19.000 Look, it says Jamie Vernon.

00:23:22.000 197 weeks ago.

00:23:24.000 Wow.

00:23:24.000 Look at that.

00:23:25.000 That seems like it would hurt.

00:23:27.000 Like, legit work.

00:23:28.000 And once someone has your legs in that position and they've got their center of gravity over your lower back, you're not really getting out of that.

00:23:36.000 I don't see how to get out of that.

00:23:38.000 Like, if you get to that position right there, you're kind of fucked.

00:23:41.000 Every single younger brother on earth has had that happen to them.

00:23:45.000 It's like you shouldn't ever get to that spot, but if someone does get you to that spot, I'm trying to think of how you would get out of that.

00:23:53.000 I don't think there's a clear way out of that.

00:23:56.000 Because the way your body is bent, like you would have to figure out a way to rotate, but you're not going to rotate with full hold of your legs like that, and then someone leaning on your back, and you're trying to turn, you're fucked.

00:24:07.000 Yeah.

00:24:08.000 That might be like the ultimate finishing move.

00:24:11.000 It's just pain though.

00:24:12.000 Yeah.

00:24:13.000 The thing about that, it's like, it's not going to take you out.

00:24:15.000 That?

00:24:15.000 It's just going to hurt.

00:24:16.000 That could fuck your spine up, right?

00:24:18.000 No, I don't think so.

00:24:20.000 I think it just puts your spine in a very bad position where it hurts a lot.

00:24:23.000 Yeah.

00:24:24.000 Here it is.

00:24:24.000 Is this the same fight or a different one?

00:24:26.000 I think it's the same thing because it just was like a cleaner video of it.

00:24:31.000 Oh yeah.

00:24:34.000 Nope.

00:24:34.000 Different guy.

00:24:35.000 Different guy.

00:24:36.000 This is another guy doing it.

00:24:37.000 Sure.

00:24:38.000 I think so, because he stuck his tongue out.

00:24:40.000 I think that guy did it, too.

00:24:41.000 Oh, really?

00:24:42.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:24:43.000 You're right.

00:24:43.000 Look at the shorts.

00:24:44.000 Same color shorts.

00:24:45.000 Yep, that's him.

00:24:47.000 They just didn't have the full video.

00:24:49.000 That's crazy that he did that.

00:24:50.000 Because once you get into that position, like when someone has both of your legs tucked under the arms like that, I don't know what you're going to be able to do.

00:25:00.000 You know what this is?

00:25:01.000 This is a guy who's way better.

00:25:02.000 The guy in the blue, he's way better, and the other guy's already done.

00:25:06.000 Yeah, he did a wrestling move to him.

00:25:07.000 He decides to have some fun.

00:25:11.000 He's tapping.

00:25:12.000 That's crazy.

00:25:13.000 Yeah, you have to tap from that.

00:25:14.000 The key is to never let yourself get into that position.

00:25:18.000 Shout out to that fella, whoever he is.

00:25:20.000 Yeah, he should have not gotten in the ring.

00:25:22.000 John O'Mears.

00:25:24.000 John O'Mears?

00:25:25.000 John O-J-O-N-N-O is his first name.

00:25:27.000 John O'Mears.

00:25:27.000 Jono Mears.

00:25:29.000 Yeah.

00:25:30.000 Congratulations, Jono.

00:25:31.000 So that's a Boston Crab, or is that the Walls of Jericho?

00:25:34.000 What's the difference?

00:25:35.000 I think both.

00:25:35.000 I think it's Chris Jericho doing it makes it the Walls of Jericho, otherwise it's a Boston Crab.

00:25:39.000 Oh, yeah.

00:25:39.000 Makes sense.

00:25:40.000 Shout out to the other guy, too.

00:25:41.000 Congratulations on reliving the worst thing that's ever happened to you on a gigantic platform.

00:25:47.000 It's not the worst way to get tapped.

00:25:49.000 What?

00:25:49.000 Yeah.

00:25:50.000 No.

00:25:51.000 There's worse ways, for sure.

00:25:53.000 Wrist walks.

00:25:55.000 Oh, yeah.

00:25:56.000 People get so sad and someone catches them from the wrist lock.

00:25:58.000 Jesus Christ.

00:26:00.000 A wrist lock in an MMA fight is a very embarrassing moment.

00:26:03.000 Really?

00:26:03.000 Yeah.

00:26:03.000 It's embarrassing.

00:26:04.000 Because it hurts like hell.

00:26:05.000 Like, you will tap.

00:26:06.000 But, like, in jujitsu, it's, like, the most embarrassing way to get tapped.

00:26:10.000 If somebody gets you in a wrist lock.

00:26:12.000 Really?

00:26:12.000 Yeah.

00:26:13.000 I thought the most embarrassing is getting tapped by like a girl, right?

00:26:16.000 That happens.

00:26:17.000 And that happens to everybody that does jiu-jitsu.

00:26:19.000 Yep, 100%.

00:26:20.000 Yeah.

00:26:21.000 They always show up early and they're like, I'll be pretty good at this.

00:26:24.000 And then they pair you up with a girl.

00:26:26.000 Then all of a sudden she's fucking behind your back, chucking the shit out of you.

00:26:29.000 Yeah, you're like, I thought I'd be into this.

00:26:32.000 It's humiliating.

00:26:32.000 When you find out a woman can kill you, it's very sad.

00:26:35.000 A woman who weighs less than you, who's weaker than you, but she can kill you?

00:26:39.000 Yeah.

00:26:40.000 Easily?

00:26:40.000 I don't want to find out.

00:26:41.000 Multiple times?

00:26:42.000 Yeah.

00:26:42.000 Like, Duncan.

00:26:43.000 I got Duncan a year of jiu-jitsu once for Christmas, and he went to classes, and he was doing it with his girl, and she was new.

00:26:51.000 She wasn't even an expert.

00:26:53.000 Oh, they were starting together.

00:26:55.000 They're both starting together and she was strangling him.

00:26:58.000 And I was like, oh, Duncan, we got to work on this.

00:27:00.000 No.

00:27:01.000 No, just get out of the sport.

00:27:03.000 It's not for you.

00:27:03.000 He's like, dude, she just killed me.

00:27:07.000 Yeah, you got to go home.

00:27:08.000 Yeah.

00:27:09.000 He eventually decided it was not for him.

00:27:12.000 He could have stuck with it, though.

00:27:14.000 He would have figured it out.

00:27:15.000 And then one day beat a girl?

00:27:16.000 No, beat guys.

00:27:18.000 He moved from girls to guys.

00:27:21.000 I guess.

00:27:21.000 Look, I don't do that stuff.

00:27:23.000 When I started, there was very few women doing it.

00:27:26.000 Very few.

00:27:26.000 It was really rare.

00:27:28.000 I remember football when I was a kid.

00:27:29.000 When we were very young, there'd be girls.

00:27:32.000 Wow.

00:27:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:33.000 That's wild.

00:27:33.000 I remember that, yeah.

00:27:34.000 Those girls are wild.

00:27:35.000 They were.

00:27:36.000 Any girl willing to play tackle football with boys?

00:27:39.000 Yeah.

00:27:40.000 Holy shit.

00:27:41.000 And then once, you know, then we all hit puberty and they couldn't.

00:27:43.000 Yeah.

00:27:44.000 They couldn't play, but there was some.

00:27:45.000 There was some lingering around.

00:27:47.000 Some giant lesbians.

00:27:49.000 Did you see that giant transgender woman that's playing rugby in Australia?

00:27:54.000 No.

00:27:54.000 She probably rules.

00:27:55.000 Yeah, she's the king.

00:27:57.000 She's the king.

00:27:58.000 She's the king.

00:27:59.000 She's a 250 pound man.

00:28:01.000 She's trucking people?

00:28:01.000 She's Samoan?

00:28:02.000 No, she's a white guy.

00:28:04.000 Oh, man.

00:28:04.000 She's a white guy.

00:28:06.000 Thank you.

00:28:08.000 You ever seen it?

00:28:09.000 Show the video.

00:28:10.000 The video is hilarious.

00:28:11.000 They're always so funny.

00:28:13.000 I don't even know if this person's undergone any transition because we've gotten to this super preposterous point where you can just say you're a woman.

00:28:19.000 You don't have to do anything.

00:28:20.000 Like, there's a thing about a woman getting arrested for child molestation.

00:28:24.000 Yeah.

00:28:25.000 And I'll send the video because I'm going to send you this, Jamie.

00:28:29.000 That's what teachers should do.

00:28:31.000 But no, no, no.

00:28:31.000 You have to see this because this woman has a beard.

00:28:36.000 Yeah, look at this.

00:28:36.000 Shit, dude.

00:28:37.000 Look at that.

00:28:38.000 Come on, look at the size of that male human being who is playing rugby against women.

00:28:46.000 I mean, hilarious, right?

00:28:47.000 Great tits, though.

00:28:48.000 Yeah, really good tits.

00:28:49.000 They did good there.

00:28:50.000 Brand new.

00:28:51.000 Ah, some nice tits you've got.

00:28:53.000 Yeah, I'm going to send you this, Jamie.

00:28:55.000 Hold on a second.

00:28:59.000 Damn, look at the mitts on that.

00:29:05.000 So, I just sent it to you, Jamie.

00:29:09.000 Yeah, that's a large person to be playing rugby against women.

00:29:12.000 And I would say that that was probably an unfair decision.

00:29:17.000 But who am I? I'll tell you what.

00:29:20.000 Woman charged after allegedly sexually assaulting boy six in Toronto Park.

00:29:26.000 Woman with stubble.

00:29:30.000 A crew cut.

00:29:31.000 The most manly face.

00:29:33.000 Like a square jaw.

00:29:34.000 That's a fucking male human being.

00:29:36.000 His name is Ruby.

00:29:38.000 Ruby Eby.

00:29:40.000 Okay.

00:29:41.000 It's a woman.

00:29:42.000 But look at the title.

00:29:44.000 The title says woman.

00:29:45.000 Yeah.

00:29:46.000 Shouldn't they at least say woman with a penis?

00:29:50.000 Who also has a stubble, also has a beard.

00:29:54.000 They don't even say anything about the person being transgender.

00:29:57.000 It's so hilarious.

00:29:58.000 We've gone through the looking glass where everything's nuts.

00:30:01.000 She is charged with sexual interference with a person under the age of 16 and sexual assault.

00:30:08.000 Is there any small chance that they just accidentally put the wrong picture up in the article?

00:30:14.000 What do you think?

00:30:15.000 Probably not, but it's happened before, and they're just like, oops, we put the wrong...

00:30:20.000 What, are you working for the Toronto government?

00:30:22.000 No, I'm just asking.

00:30:24.000 I'm just asking.

00:30:25.000 What's the matter with you?

00:30:26.000 Just asking.

00:30:26.000 What is the matter with you?

00:30:27.000 You don't support the six-year-old boy?

00:30:30.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:30:30.000 What the fuck, man?

00:30:31.000 Yeah, bro, you are a pro-molester.

00:30:35.000 The teachers should do that.

00:30:37.000 The male teachers that get in trouble for hooking up with kids.

00:30:40.000 They should be like, I actually identify as a woman.

00:30:42.000 Yeah, you get a way lighter sentence.

00:30:43.000 Yeah.

00:30:45.000 Women who molest boys, everybody's like, hmm, what's a woman?

00:30:48.000 I retract.

00:30:49.000 I've now Googled the name.

00:30:50.000 I see it everywhere.

00:30:51.000 I was just checking.

00:30:53.000 That looks, if I had a bet, guy or girl, I mean, I'm leaning heavily towards God.

00:31:00.000 On that woman?

00:31:00.000 On Ruby?

00:31:01.000 Yeah, on Ruby, the guy, the girl, the woman.

00:31:03.000 I'm gonna take her word for it.

00:31:04.000 Wow, you're amazing.

00:31:06.000 You're so open-minded.

00:31:07.000 I don't care what she's done in the past.

00:31:09.000 Yeah, right?

00:31:10.000 Like, why should we judge?

00:31:11.000 Walk a mile in her shoes.

00:31:13.000 That's another thing they're trying to do now.

00:31:14.000 They're trying to say that that's a sexual orientation and that being a pedophile is actually a sexual orientation.

00:31:21.000 Technically it is.

00:31:22.000 Technically it is that.

00:31:24.000 It's just a bad one.

00:31:25.000 It's the worst one.

00:31:26.000 It's the worst one you can do.

00:31:27.000 Yeah.

00:31:29.000 We talked about it recently.

00:31:31.000 I saw a professor talking about how a woman, or a man rather, could have a sexual consenting relationship with a 13-year-old.

00:31:42.000 And I was like, what in the fuck are you saying?

00:31:45.000 Maybe he's a viking.

00:31:46.000 Maybe it's a guy with no kids.

00:31:47.000 How about that?

00:31:47.000 Yeah, yeah, probably.

00:31:48.000 Yeah, because you have no kids, you think stupid shit because you think it makes you sound progressive.

00:31:53.000 Yeah.

00:31:55.000 That's a tough one to get to through being progressive.

00:31:58.000 It's a tough one.

00:32:00.000 Yeah.

00:32:00.000 I don't know, man.

00:32:01.000 People can make some fucking weird mental leaps in gymnastics.

00:32:05.000 They can justify some wacky shit.

00:32:09.000 There's also people that are just a real contrarian.

00:32:11.000 They just want things to be okay, even if they're not okay, so they'll argue for it as an intellectual exercise.

00:32:17.000 You know?

00:32:18.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:32:19.000 They do.

00:32:19.000 It's fucking strange.

00:32:21.000 That'd be a tough one to present, though.

00:32:23.000 Be like, no, this is how I feel.

00:32:24.000 I think pedophiles...

00:32:26.000 You would say that, but we are so through the looking glass with so many things that really are preposterous that I'm not sure if that's the case anymore.

00:32:35.000 You know, like the idea that you can't be racist if you're a person of color.

00:32:39.000 It's not possible.

00:32:40.000 Because race has something to do with power.

00:32:43.000 Like, okay.

00:32:44.000 That's not true.

00:32:46.000 That's not true.

00:32:47.000 Of course.

00:32:48.000 Yeah, we know that.

00:32:49.000 We know it's not true.

00:32:50.000 We've literally seen it and experienced it.

00:32:52.000 They know it's not true too, but they're counting on the fact that the people that say this, first of all, they're all people of color, so they're in a protected class, or they're white people who feel extra guilty, so they want you to feel bad.

00:33:05.000 And so they want to show you that they're on the side, the good side.

00:33:08.000 They're on the side of the people that are anti-racist.

00:33:11.000 The thing about the white people...

00:33:13.000 Or the people of color can't be racist is because, like, you call a white person, like, yeah, whatever, cracker.

00:33:18.000 We're like, yeah, whatever.

00:33:19.000 But they found a loophole, and it's to call us racist.

00:33:23.000 That one hurts.

00:33:24.000 That does hurt.

00:33:24.000 That's like our N-word.

00:33:25.000 That is.

00:33:26.000 Someone's like, you're racist.

00:33:27.000 What did you say about me?

00:33:28.000 It's even worse because it makes you feel guilty.

00:33:31.000 Sure.

00:33:31.000 Because if someone calls you a bad word, like a negative stereotype about your race, they're the piece of shit, not you.

00:33:38.000 But if someone calls you a racist, now you have to defend yourself against being a piece of shit.

00:33:43.000 Yeah, it's tough.

00:33:44.000 I've been there.

00:33:45.000 It's a tough one to defend against.

00:33:46.000 What was your experience like with the whole SNL debacle thing?

00:33:50.000 What was that like?

00:33:53.000 It's very, very crazy.

00:33:54.000 I don't know.

00:33:55.000 It's tough to...

00:33:56.000 There's not many people that you can even talk to about it.

00:34:00.000 Because it fucks you up a little.

00:34:02.000 It makes you not trust people and shit for a while.

00:34:07.000 Like in what way?

00:34:08.000 I don't know.

00:34:09.000 I don't know how to explain it.

00:34:11.000 But back to the experience of it was like...

00:34:16.000 It was kind of surreal.

00:34:17.000 I was one of the first people to get canceled or however you want to say it.

00:34:22.000 Consequences?

00:34:23.000 However you want to say it.

00:34:24.000 It doesn't matter what we call it.

00:34:26.000 It is what it is.

00:34:27.000 I was one of the first people to go from...

00:34:30.000 I was poor.

00:34:33.000 I was not famous at all.

00:34:34.000 I was poor.

00:34:36.000 And then I got canceled immediately.

00:34:38.000 It was a very different experience.

00:34:41.000 You didn't get famous and then get canceled.

00:34:44.000 You got canceled on the way.

00:34:46.000 I got canceled immediately.

00:34:47.000 Yeah.

00:34:47.000 They literally were like, how about this guy?

00:34:49.000 And everyone was like, no.

00:34:51.000 So you got cast on SNL. Yes.

00:34:53.000 And then what happened?

00:34:57.000 So I found out I was getting on SNL the day before they announced it.

00:35:01.000 They got a call.

00:35:02.000 They're like, hey, we want to put you on the cast.

00:35:04.000 The whole time I was...

00:35:06.000 We'll start from the top.

00:35:09.000 My agents and all those people, they were like, do you want to send a packet in for SNL? And I was like, no.

00:35:17.000 I'm not going to be a writer.

00:35:19.000 I won't work on that show.

00:35:21.000 And then I guess they saw me at JFL and Comedy Central thing, and they were like, we like him, we want him to audition.

00:35:27.000 He can come straight in to audition.

00:35:29.000 So I went straight to the main stage for the audition.

00:35:32.000 And the whole time leading up to it, I was like, I'm never going to get this.

00:35:35.000 I don't care.

00:35:36.000 I want to do stand-up.

00:35:38.000 I kind of hated SNL at that point.

00:35:40.000 Because every sketch was like...

00:35:43.000 You know, you know what it is.

00:35:44.000 Yeah.

00:35:45.000 And then I was like, I'll never fit in there.

00:35:48.000 And then when you go to audition, it's just, you just wait your turn in a green room and they keep you there extra long for like two or three hours to like make you nervous.

00:35:58.000 Really?

00:35:58.000 But I knew I was certain I was never going to get it.

00:36:01.000 And I really wasn't nervous.

00:36:02.000 I was in there fucking dipping, hanging out.

00:36:05.000 And then they were like, all right, it's your turn to go.

00:36:08.000 But that's when the nerves hit.

00:36:09.000 You walk in and you see the main stage.

00:36:11.000 Because that's what you audition on.

00:36:13.000 It's like the stage.

00:36:14.000 And it's a totally empty studio.

00:36:16.000 The whole room's empty except for a table of writers and producers and Lorne Michaels.

00:36:21.000 And then you go on and they're like, three, two, go do five minutes.

00:36:25.000 Wow.

00:36:26.000 In front of just a camera.

00:36:27.000 And are you doing stand-up?

00:36:28.000 I did stand-up.

00:36:29.000 Wow.

00:36:30.000 I did five minutes of stand-up.

00:36:31.000 That's all.

00:36:32.000 And then I ran into Michael Che that night.

00:36:37.000 And I was like, I was so nervous.

00:36:38.000 Like, I was so nervous when I was auditioning that I had to, like, hold the mic against my chin because my hand was fucking shaking.

00:36:43.000 It was crazy.

00:36:44.000 There's no one in the room.

00:36:45.000 You just have to do stand-up for five minutes to no one.

00:36:48.000 That's so weird.

00:36:49.000 It was so weird.

00:36:50.000 And you're not supposed to look at or acknowledge the table of writers and producers or whatever.

00:36:54.000 They have rules?

00:36:56.000 They have rules that your agents tell you.

00:37:00.000 They never told you any rules.

00:37:01.000 So your agent says, do not look at the writers.

00:37:04.000 Yeah, they're like, don't even acknowledge them.

00:37:05.000 Pretend the room's full.

00:37:06.000 Just go.

00:37:07.000 And everybody was like, they're never going to laugh.

00:37:09.000 The table, Lauren, all them, they're not going to laugh.

00:37:12.000 First thing I said, they all started laughing.

00:37:13.000 And I was like, I was supposed to not acknowledge them.

00:37:16.000 But, you know, I was doing stand-up.

00:37:17.000 Do you remember what you said?

00:37:20.000 No, I don't.

00:37:22.000 Genuinely.

00:37:22.000 You just did a bit.

00:37:24.000 Yeah, I was nervous.

00:37:27.000 But as soon as they started laughing, I was like...

00:37:29.000 And then went back to...

00:37:30.000 You know what I mean?

00:37:30.000 I was looking at them.

00:37:31.000 I could see they were laughing.

00:37:33.000 I was told the whole time, no one's gonna laugh.

00:37:35.000 They were laughing.

00:37:36.000 I was like, oh, fuck.

00:37:37.000 I did pretty good.

00:37:38.000 Ran into Che that night.

00:37:39.000 I was like, ah, I sucked.

00:37:40.000 I was nervous.

00:37:41.000 He was like, no, you were...

00:37:42.000 That was good.

00:37:44.000 Then...

00:37:45.000 A couple days later, you get a call back, and you go into the office, and you meet everybody, and you walk around and talk to everybody.

00:37:50.000 And the people I was with that were also doing that, then you go into Lorne Michaels' office to meet him.

00:37:57.000 So the three people I was with, they all went in slowly, met him, left.

00:38:02.000 One guy didn't even get invited in.

00:38:04.000 They just sent him home, which is fucked up.

00:38:06.000 They invited him to the call back, and then were like, no, never mind.

00:38:09.000 Wow.

00:38:10.000 And then they kept me there for an extra hour by myself.

00:38:15.000 And I was just sitting there like, oh fuck, I got this.

00:38:17.000 I can't believe I got this.

00:38:20.000 I wasn't even excited.

00:38:21.000 I was just like, this is wild.

00:38:23.000 This is fucking nuts.

00:38:25.000 And then I go in and meet with Lauren and he's the man.

00:38:28.000 He's a nice guy.

00:38:30.000 And he was like, I'm going to use you, but I don't know how.

00:38:34.000 And like all that shit.

00:38:35.000 And then time passes and I figured they were going to ask me to be a writer.

00:38:39.000 Because that's usually how it goes.

00:38:41.000 Usually you work on the show to experience what the show's like.

00:38:45.000 But...

00:38:46.000 I don't know.

00:38:47.000 I didn't want to be a writer.

00:38:48.000 By all accounts, that place is a den of thieves.

00:38:51.000 Everybody, yeah.

00:38:52.000 A den of thieves.

00:38:53.000 You hear Jim Brewer's account of the climate in that place, and it's horrific.

00:38:59.000 They're all stealing from writers.

00:39:01.000 They're stealing from performers.

00:39:03.000 If you're a writer and you submit your packages, the higher-up writers will steal your shit, according to Brewer.

00:39:09.000 Yeah.

00:39:10.000 If you submit a package, they own that package, even if they don't hire you.

00:39:14.000 I know that.

00:39:15.000 So if you have some great premises, they decide they're just going to take your premises and not hire you, they own all those bits?

00:39:21.000 Yeah.

00:39:22.000 It's crazy.

00:39:23.000 I mean, yeah, I don't care about writing.

00:39:26.000 I didn't want to be a writer.

00:39:27.000 Right, of course.

00:39:28.000 So I was like, even if they offer me the writing thing, I was like, I don't want to take it.

00:39:33.000 I think I would have at the time.

00:39:34.000 But anyway, they asked me to go straight to cast.

00:39:38.000 So I was like, yeah, I'll definitely do that.

00:39:41.000 Lauren calls, says, hey, we want to use you on the show.

00:39:45.000 We're going to announce it tomorrow.

00:39:47.000 He was like, do you have anything you want us to check out?

00:39:51.000 They have people that vet you, but they're not used to people having podcasts.

00:39:56.000 Right.

00:39:56.000 So they'd have to go through hundreds of hours of shit.

00:39:57.000 They'd go through your Facebook, your Instagram, your Twitter.

00:40:00.000 I was just like, I'll just delete all that shit.

00:40:02.000 I don't care.

00:40:03.000 Delete it all.

00:40:04.000 Right.

00:40:05.000 But I was like, I also have a podcast.

00:40:06.000 And they're like, yeah, what's that?

00:40:07.000 And I was like, I don't know.

00:40:08.000 I say like gay and retard a lot.

00:40:11.000 They were like, oh, that's fine.

00:40:13.000 Don't worry about it.

00:40:14.000 So I was like, all right, we'll see.

00:40:16.000 And so the day they announced it, It was cool.

00:40:21.000 It was very cool.

00:40:22.000 You hear from everybody you've ever grown up with.

00:40:24.000 They're all like, holy shit.

00:40:25.000 I can't believe you're on this.

00:40:27.000 So that lasted for about three hours before an article came out.

00:40:31.000 That was like, here's what this guy says.

00:40:34.000 There's a clip of me saying something.

00:40:36.000 You know, unsavory stuff.

00:40:39.000 Yeah.

00:40:40.000 Talking shit.

00:40:41.000 It was the one podcast we ever filmed.

00:40:45.000 That's the one they used.

00:40:47.000 And it just happened.

00:40:49.000 And it was funny too, because people were like, man, they really had to dig to find this.

00:40:52.000 I was like, that's probably like three minutes in.

00:40:55.000 We had one podcast online and it was three minutes in.

00:40:58.000 Well, it's what we were saying earlier.

00:41:00.000 That's what podcasts are.

00:41:02.000 And that's what comics do a lot.

00:41:03.000 We talk shit.

00:41:04.000 It doesn't mean you really mean those things.

00:41:06.000 But the idea today is that talking shit is not real.

00:41:09.000 They want to take...

00:41:11.000 Out of context phrases and sentences that you've used and put them in quotes and make you look like a monster.

00:41:18.000 Yeah.

00:41:19.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:41:20.000 It was only one article that came out?

00:41:22.000 No, there was a...

00:41:23.000 Quite a few?

00:41:24.000 So many articles.

00:41:25.000 I was...

00:41:25.000 I think I was number one on Twitter for like three straight days.

00:41:28.000 Wow.

00:41:28.000 Of just getting fucking eviscerated.

00:41:30.000 Did you read it all?

00:41:31.000 Oh, I read all of it.

00:41:32.000 Oh, no.

00:41:33.000 Yeah, everybody was like, stop reading comments.

00:41:34.000 I still read comments.

00:41:35.000 Do you?

00:41:35.000 I read every comment.

00:41:36.000 Why?

00:41:36.000 I don't know.

00:41:38.000 Oh.

00:41:38.000 It's fucked up.

00:41:39.000 And it's crazy, too, because I'll read like 90 good ones and then one bad one.

00:41:43.000 The one bad one will fuck you up.

00:41:45.000 Just depends which one it is.

00:41:46.000 Right.

00:41:47.000 You know?

00:41:47.000 I'll get called like...

00:41:49.000 You know, fat retard constantly.

00:41:51.000 I'll be like, yeah, whatever.

00:41:52.000 I can walk through that, no problem.

00:41:54.000 But then there'll be one that's like, he's nervous.

00:41:57.000 Like, something where they get you.

00:41:59.000 Where they know you.

00:42:00.000 Yeah.

00:42:01.000 Like, he laughs at his own jokes on every podcast.

00:42:03.000 It's like, Do I? Shit.

00:42:06.000 Right.

00:42:07.000 Anyway, so I get...

00:42:09.000 All that stuff comes out, and it was funny.

00:42:13.000 This is funny.

00:42:13.000 I went into Lorne Michaels' office, and he was talking, and I was convinced I was getting fired.

00:42:19.000 Like, I knew I was getting fired.

00:42:21.000 Because if they didn't get me on that, there's so much more.

00:42:24.000 So much worse.

00:42:28.000 So he was talking to me and he was like, no, we think we can...

00:42:31.000 He's like, if we just get you to the first episode, people will see you're not a piece of shit person.

00:42:37.000 Just talk.

00:42:38.000 And I was like, whatever.

00:42:40.000 If I get fired here, whatever, I'll just go do Joe Rogan next week and I'll be fine.

00:42:48.000 Anyway, I thought that was funny.

00:42:49.000 No?

00:42:50.000 What?

00:42:51.000 Is that what you thought?

00:42:53.000 I literally thought that.

00:42:54.000 Oh, okay.

00:42:55.000 Yeah, I thought it would be funny.

00:42:56.000 Well, it could have been funny.

00:42:58.000 Yeah.

00:42:58.000 I was booked up, though.

00:42:59.000 No, it was fine.

00:43:00.000 It was just funny to truly...

00:43:02.000 That was a conversation I actually had.

00:43:05.000 Really?

00:43:05.000 In Lorne Michaels' office in the middle of that.

00:43:08.000 That's hilarious.

00:43:09.000 I was in pure fucking panic.

00:43:12.000 Terror?

00:43:12.000 Yeah.

00:43:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:15.000 But...

00:43:15.000 Because I remember somebody contacted me to have you on, and I was like, I don't have any room.

00:43:21.000 I could do an emergency podcast, but I'm like, let me let this dude ride this out, and then we'll do one eventually.

00:43:27.000 Truly...

00:43:28.000 Glad that that did not happen.

00:43:30.000 Because I would have come in emotional.

00:43:32.000 I would have come in like guns blazing.

00:43:33.000 What happened to me isn't fair.

00:43:34.000 Right.

00:43:35.000 And I never felt that way.

00:43:37.000 Like the whole time I was like, I kind of get it.

00:43:38.000 When someone gets really canceled, you need perspective.

00:43:41.000 Yeah.

00:43:42.000 You know what it's like?

00:43:43.000 It's like you need that venom to work its way through your system.

00:43:46.000 And then you develop a certain amount of immunity to the actual moment.

00:43:50.000 Yeah.

00:43:52.000 Absolutely.

00:43:53.000 Yeah.

00:43:53.000 Yeah, it ended up being a good thing.

00:43:55.000 So when Lauren pulls you in the office and says, we just have to get you to the stage, we just have to get you to an episode, then what happens?

00:44:02.000 It just kept steamrolling.

00:44:04.000 It didn't dissipate at all.

00:44:06.000 It kept being like, no, you guys need to fire him.

00:44:09.000 And I get it.

00:44:10.000 Because that's where the fun is.

00:44:12.000 The fun in going after someone is not going after someone and then no consequences.

00:44:17.000 That makes them sad.

00:44:19.000 Yeah.

00:44:19.000 What makes them happy is to then get you fired.

00:44:22.000 Yeah.

00:44:23.000 And that's, yeah, they did.

00:44:24.000 They did a good job.

00:44:25.000 Yeah, good job, everybody.

00:44:27.000 Yeah, and it's fine.

00:44:28.000 Look, the whole time...

00:44:29.000 Dude, here's why it's fine.

00:44:30.000 Your sketches that you're doing...

00:44:32.000 What is it, Gillian Keeves?

00:44:33.000 Yeah.

00:44:34.000 Those are the best fucking comedy sketches that are on the internet right now.

00:44:38.000 Thank you.

00:44:38.000 I'm not bullshitting.

00:44:39.000 The only thing that's at the same level is Kyle Dunnigan's shit.

00:44:42.000 Oh, man.

00:44:43.000 Kyle Dunnigan, the shit that he's doing.

00:44:45.000 Oh, my God, dude.

00:44:45.000 He's got a massive advantage with that face swap, though.

00:44:48.000 And he's so good at fucking impressions.

00:44:50.000 He's amazing.

00:44:51.000 Have you seen the new thing that Dunnigan is doing?

00:44:56.000 He does a Fresh Prince takeoff with Biden.

00:44:59.000 What is it called?

00:45:00.000 Yeah.

00:45:01.000 Fresh Prince of D.C. Yeah.

00:45:02.000 Something like that.

00:45:03.000 Fresh Prez.

00:45:04.000 Yeah.

00:45:05.000 Dude, it's tear-jerking.

00:45:08.000 Who's Bill Maher?

00:45:09.000 Oh my god, it's incredible.

00:45:10.000 New rule.

00:45:11.000 Yeah.

00:45:11.000 It just, oh my god.

00:45:12.000 And there's something about it that it's almost got like a South Park-esque quality to it because it looks so fake, but it's obvious.

00:45:20.000 It's like these things.

00:45:23.000 Like, look how bad these look.

00:45:24.000 Look at the little tiny hand he holds up for Bill Maher.

00:45:27.000 Like, the face swap thing is amazing.

00:45:30.000 It really is amazing because he's like, look at AOC! Because it looks so fake.

00:45:37.000 Like, you would never believe that that's the real person.

00:45:39.000 So it's comedic.

00:45:41.000 But it's also...

00:45:44.000 The material is brilliant, and you can get away with so much in someone else's voice when everybody knows it's not really that person.

00:45:51.000 It's really one of the most genius platforms ever created.

00:45:54.000 And he's the master.

00:45:55.000 Him and Kurt Metzger, they're incredible.

00:45:59.000 It's the best shit.

00:46:01.000 Kurt's like one of my favorite But the shit you're doing is right up there with that.

00:46:05.000 It's really fucking funny, man.

00:46:07.000 It's really funny, and it's like something you would never be able to do on SNL. The stuff you guys are doing.

00:46:12.000 How are you financing this stuff?

00:46:15.000 I financed half, and then we had a production company that financed half.

00:46:20.000 The Trump one was amazing.

00:46:22.000 The Trump speed dating.

00:46:25.000 Yeah, it's John McKeever.

00:46:27.000 He's Keeves.

00:46:28.000 He's incredible.

00:46:30.000 Writer, director.

00:46:31.000 He writes all these edits and makes them.

00:46:34.000 They're really good, man.

00:46:35.000 They're really good.

00:46:36.000 Damn, I spazzed on that SNL story.

00:46:38.000 No, you didn't at all.

00:46:40.000 How do you spazz?

00:46:40.000 It felt like it came out bad.

00:46:42.000 No, no, no.

00:46:42.000 Look, it's an awkward story.

00:46:44.000 It is.

00:46:46.000 Here's what's uncomfortable about it, is I don't want to sound like...

00:46:49.000 It's weird for me to rail against cancel culture.

00:46:52.000 Because I was a victim of it, for lack of a better word.

00:46:56.000 You know what I mean?

00:46:56.000 Why is it weird for you to rail against it?

00:46:58.000 I don't know.

00:46:59.000 I just...

00:47:00.000 It makes me...

00:47:00.000 It seems defensive?

00:47:01.000 Yeah.

00:47:02.000 Yeah, I'd rather just be like, look, if people bring up cancel culture, I'm just like...

00:47:06.000 Honestly, I really believe it's better for you in the long run.

00:47:10.000 I really do.

00:47:10.000 You're a brilliant comedian, and I think your sketches are incredible, and I think it's better that you not get attached to something that's ultimately corrupting.

00:47:17.000 And I don't want to be on the other side of it, where it's like, I'm a free speech guy.

00:47:22.000 I'm a fucking...

00:47:23.000 It's like, dude, I don't want to be involved in any of this.

00:47:25.000 I just want to do comedy.

00:47:26.000 The free speech thing should be...

00:47:28.000 It should just be uniform.

00:47:31.000 Everyone who's involved in creative endeavors should understand context and nuance.

00:47:36.000 Yeah.

00:47:36.000 And when they don't, they're either being disingenuous or they're stupid.

00:47:41.000 It's one of two things.

00:47:42.000 Either you don't agree with someone talking shit, which is fine.

00:47:46.000 Maybe you don't like talking shit because you're a more serious person.

00:47:49.000 Yeah.

00:47:49.000 In which case comedy is the right venue for you.

00:47:52.000 But you should, it's not the right, right?

00:47:54.000 But you should also understand, you know what people are doing.

00:47:58.000 And if you don't know what people are doing, you're either an idiot or you're an asshole.

00:48:02.000 You're either purposely trying to ignore subtlety and nuance and the fact that there's context to what people are doing and joking around.

00:48:13.000 Joking around is a real thing.

00:48:15.000 And how come you can joke around about...

00:48:17.000 All sorts of stuff, but you can't joke around about race?

00:48:20.000 Like, why not?

00:48:21.000 How come?

00:48:22.000 Why does that make you bad?

00:48:23.000 You can joke around about women.

00:48:25.000 You can joke around about men.

00:48:26.000 You can joke around about your dick.

00:48:27.000 You can joke around about anal sex.

00:48:30.000 You can joke around about drugs.

00:48:31.000 You can't joke around about race.

00:48:33.000 That's nonsense.

00:48:34.000 We're just so oversensitive and we're so worried about being called out for stuff.

00:48:38.000 That's why everybody's so scary.

00:48:41.000 Yeah.

00:48:41.000 Yeah, people get very afraid of getting called out.

00:48:44.000 And very afraid of not calling out someone else because then silence is violence.

00:48:49.000 True.

00:48:50.000 True.

00:48:51.000 You just gotta take a second.

00:48:52.000 Like, don't get caught up in it.

00:48:54.000 Like, uh...

00:48:55.000 Like, if I see other people fuck up and say something crazy, even still, my first reaction is like, whoa, what the fuck were they thinking?

00:49:02.000 Right.

00:49:02.000 And then 20 minutes, 30 minutes later, I'll be like, alright, he was fucking around.

00:49:05.000 I get it.

00:49:05.000 Yeah.

00:49:06.000 But there's still that instinct.

00:49:07.000 And then, especially if you just see a clip, And it's wild.

00:49:11.000 Right.

00:49:12.000 You're gonna be like, what the fuck was that?

00:49:14.000 Like the Tony Hinchcliffe thing.

00:49:15.000 Tony, Ari, all of us.

00:49:17.000 Yeah.

00:49:18.000 And every time you see it, the first...

00:49:20.000 Tony's a perfect example.

00:49:21.000 First time I saw it, I was like, whoa, what the fuck?

00:49:25.000 But then you see the whole video...

00:49:27.000 And you go, oh, I see what he's doing.

00:49:28.000 Then you realize that guy opened for Tony.

00:49:30.000 And you're like, oh.

00:49:32.000 And he did kill Tony multiple times.

00:49:35.000 You're like, oh, they're friends.

00:49:36.000 That's just how people do it.

00:49:38.000 But people outside of our world don't understand.

00:49:42.000 If someone, you know, if you introduce someone...

00:49:46.000 And they go on stage, and they say, thank you!

00:49:49.000 Give it up for Shane, that fucking loser, that fat drunk.

00:49:53.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck, dude?

00:49:54.000 And you're like, hey, bro, what the fuck?

00:49:56.000 That's what people do.

00:49:57.000 That's what we do as comics.

00:49:59.000 And we fuck around.

00:50:01.000 It's talking shit.

00:50:02.000 And that's what Tony was doing.

00:50:04.000 And it was real clear, if you saw his whole set, that not only was he fucking around, but it actually worked.

00:50:09.000 Like, he got laughs.

00:50:10.000 And it got laughs because the guy's whole set before him was...

00:50:15.000 Talking about white people being mean to Asians.

00:50:18.000 Yes.

00:50:18.000 And he had this whole pandering thing who was like, what I would really ask is, please stop being mean to us.

00:50:23.000 You know, I'm paraphrasing.

00:50:24.000 Sure.

00:50:24.000 Whatever it was.

00:50:25.000 And then Tony goes on right afterwards and says that horrible shit.

00:50:27.000 He says the worst things he could.

00:50:28.000 And it's funny.

00:50:29.000 Yes.

00:50:29.000 That's why people laughed.

00:50:31.000 That's it.

00:50:31.000 It's not like a racist convention at Vulcan Gas Company.

00:50:35.000 Yeah, it's true.

00:50:36.000 I mean, that's all it is.

00:50:38.000 It's comedy.

00:50:39.000 It was comedy.

00:50:39.000 Yeah, and maybe it's not your kind of comedy.

00:50:41.000 That's okay, too.

00:50:42.000 But don't pretend this is real thoughts.

00:50:44.000 That's ridiculous.

00:50:45.000 This is the thing about joking around.

00:50:48.000 It's like it can be weaponized.

00:50:50.000 It can be weaponized against you.

00:50:52.000 I had people coming to shows, recording my sets, and then typing them out as if they were real.

00:50:59.000 Yeah, well, I do that bit.

00:51:00.000 I don't know if you saw it.

00:51:01.000 The bit that I do about what happened when I endorsed Bernie Sanders where people were taking small pieces of stand-up bits and taking them out of context and using them to show what a piece of shit I am.

00:51:15.000 It's like, here's a joke.

00:51:16.000 Clearly, and if you type out someone's stand-up or a podcast...

00:51:21.000 Especially a segment of it.

00:51:23.000 Just take the worst parts, you know?

00:51:25.000 Yeah.

00:51:25.000 Yeah, it's...

00:51:27.000 It's intentional.

00:51:29.000 They're trying to get clicks.

00:51:30.000 I don't even think half of them care.

00:51:32.000 They're cunts.

00:51:32.000 They care.

00:51:33.000 They're all cunts.

00:51:34.000 Anybody who's doing that's a cunt.

00:51:35.000 Yeah.

00:51:36.000 They know what they're doing.

00:51:37.000 Oh, they do.

00:51:37.000 They're taking things out of context.

00:51:39.000 But I don't think, what I meant to say, they don't care.

00:51:41.000 It's deceptive.

00:51:41.000 I meant to say they're not hurt by it.

00:51:43.000 They're literally just like, look at this.

00:51:44.000 Look at this.

00:51:45.000 Oh, yeah.

00:51:45.000 Here's wild shit.

00:51:46.000 No, they're not hurt by what you're saying.

00:51:49.000 No, they know what they're doing.

00:51:50.000 What they're doing is they're intentionally taking something out of context, and they're trying to make it something that it's not.

00:51:56.000 There's a lot of range when people are saying things.

00:52:02.000 They don't necessarily...

00:52:04.000 They're not trying to offend.

00:52:06.000 When you're saying something in the context of comedy...

00:52:08.000 What type of comedian would ever try to offend?

00:52:11.000 What really would be like, alright, I'm going to go out there tonight and really say the worst thing I can think of to these people.

00:52:16.000 A guy who's going to fail.

00:52:17.000 I don't fucking like him.

00:52:17.000 Of failure.

00:52:18.000 Yeah.

00:52:19.000 Those comics that fail.

00:52:20.000 Well, Patrice always had the very best line about all this stuff.

00:52:23.000 He said, if you think something is really funny or if you think something is offensive, it comes from the same place.

00:52:29.000 A guy's just trying to have a bit work on stage and get laughs.

00:52:33.000 That's what they're doing.

00:52:34.000 And you never...

00:52:35.000 For people who don't know, when we create stand-up, we really don't know if something's gonna be funny.

00:52:39.000 There's many times where you have an idea and you're like, fuck, I hope this works.

00:52:43.000 Yeah.

00:52:43.000 And you go up there and you swim.

00:52:44.000 And every now and then it does.

00:52:47.000 Yeah.

00:52:47.000 And when it doesn't work, you gotta go...

00:52:50.000 If you say something fucked up and it doesn't work, you gotta be like, alright, my bad.

00:52:54.000 Yeah.

00:52:54.000 Everybody.

00:52:55.000 I've many times said, well, that's the last time I'll ever say that one again.

00:52:58.000 Yeah, of course.

00:52:58.000 And then you say it tomorrow.

00:52:59.000 Yeah.

00:52:59.000 You're like, alright, this crowd likes it, you motherfuckers.

00:53:02.000 I knew last night was fucking pussies.

00:53:04.000 So, they don't fire you at first, but then it keeps piling on.

00:53:08.000 Yeah, it just, it was only like four days.

00:53:11.000 But the whole time I knew I was getting fucking crushed.

00:53:14.000 Oh, and they make you, you have to put out a statement.

00:53:17.000 So they were like, and this was like within hours.

00:53:20.000 Who makes you?

00:53:21.000 SNL? NBC asked me to put out a statement.

00:53:24.000 And the statement they send you is just fucking crazy.

00:53:26.000 They wrote a statement for you?

00:53:27.000 They were like, here's what you got to say.

00:53:29.000 It was inexcusable.

00:53:30.000 You got to say all this stuff.

00:53:32.000 Wow.

00:53:32.000 And I was just like.

00:53:33.000 Did you write it?

00:53:34.000 Did you put it out?

00:53:34.000 No, my statement was bad though.

00:53:36.000 What'd you say?

00:53:37.000 Sorry.

00:53:37.000 Let me give you some context here.

00:53:40.000 Hold on.

00:53:42.000 One more.

00:53:44.000 One more.

00:53:44.000 I'm going to have four more after that.

00:53:46.000 Said I was going to do your podcast joke.

00:53:49.000 Oh, sorry about that.

00:53:50.000 God damn, dude.

00:53:51.000 That thing's been in my head for fucking five minutes or however long it's been.

00:53:55.000 You know what's saving Private Ryan when he gets the ringing in his ears?

00:53:58.000 Sorry.

00:53:58.000 I thought there was more to it.

00:53:59.000 I was just letting it hang there in the air.

00:54:01.000 Dude, I felt my face go flush.

00:54:03.000 I was like, oh fuck, I blew it.

00:54:05.000 Dude, go back and watch the tape on that.

00:54:07.000 That's going to be rough.

00:54:09.000 Well, I'm sorry I didn't give you enough.

00:54:10.000 I was just hanging there.

00:54:12.000 It was just funny how confident I was at the time of just like...

00:54:15.000 I don't give a fuck, man.

00:54:17.000 I'll go do Joe Rogan.

00:54:18.000 The call never came in.

00:54:19.000 I was like, fuck.

00:54:20.000 I'm fucked.

00:54:22.000 I was doing podcasts for a while being like, Rogan, help!

00:54:25.000 Were you really?

00:54:26.000 Damn, that's one thing about me not paying attention to anything.

00:54:28.000 That shit doesn't get back to me.

00:54:30.000 I was just joking, obviously.

00:54:31.000 I never felt like I was entitled to anything like that.

00:54:34.000 But it was fun to go on podcasts and be like, St. Rogi's, help, dude.

00:54:37.000 We pray to St. Rogi's, dude.

00:54:39.000 Descend and save me.

00:54:40.000 You gotta kind of just go through these things, you know?

00:54:43.000 I agree.

00:54:44.000 In the end, one of the things that you and I have been talking about is that it made you stronger.

00:54:48.000 It really did, right?

00:54:50.000 Definitely.

00:54:51.000 Made you stand up stronger.

00:54:52.000 Absolutely.

00:54:53.000 Like when people hear you, and I heard it last night, when they introduce you, and Tuesday night too, people go shithouse.

00:55:00.000 They get nuts.

00:55:00.000 They're happier there.

00:55:02.000 But for a while, what happens the first, like...

00:55:06.000 I was in New York, too, so people are very uptight.

00:55:10.000 And you go on stage, and then it's just in your head.

00:55:13.000 You see people whisper to each other, and you're like, he's telling her who I am.

00:55:18.000 She's gonna be...

00:55:19.000 Everything you see.

00:55:21.000 And you see the girl's face change, like, oh, racist.

00:55:24.000 I was having dreams about fucking comments.

00:55:27.000 I was having, like, dude, it was...

00:55:29.000 It was crazy.

00:55:29.000 I'd have a dream about comments or tweets about the worst secrets in my entire life being out there.

00:55:37.000 Wow.

00:55:37.000 Because that's what happens.

00:55:38.000 People post pictures of your family house.

00:55:40.000 People are getting death threats.

00:55:43.000 My family's getting letters from fucking dudes.

00:55:46.000 It's like, we're going to kill you.

00:55:48.000 And my family has no idea what this is.

00:55:51.000 Right, right, right.

00:55:52.000 We're getting death threats.

00:55:53.000 I was like, death threats are nothing.

00:55:54.000 Don't worry.

00:55:54.000 You're going to be fine.

00:55:56.000 They're just in Mechanicsburg.

00:55:58.000 Right.

00:55:59.000 Chillin'.

00:55:59.000 Fuck.

00:56:01.000 Wow.

00:56:01.000 And this was the first thing they were, like, proud of.

00:56:04.000 You know, my parents, they don't know shit.

00:56:05.000 I'm like, I got JFL. They're like, what the fuck's that?

00:56:07.000 Right.

00:56:08.000 I got this.

00:56:09.000 And they're like, but then when you say, like, I'm on SNL, they're like, finally we can be proud of this loser.

00:56:17.000 And then, like, four days later, the whole world's like, your son's a racist piece of shit.

00:56:21.000 Oh my god.

00:56:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:56:23.000 Oh my god.

00:56:24.000 That's who I felt bad for.

00:56:25.000 So...

00:56:28.000 It lasts for four days.

00:56:29.000 Four days.

00:56:30.000 You put out the statement.

00:56:31.000 What does the statement say, roughly?

00:56:32.000 All right.

00:56:33.000 So, they send you, they're like, hey, you need to apologize right now.

00:56:36.000 You need to apologize.

00:56:38.000 And I was like, can I just not apologize, please?

00:56:40.000 Like, that's how this gets passed.

00:56:42.000 If we say nothing.

00:56:44.000 If we start interacting with this at all, I'm fucked.

00:56:46.000 I'm dead.

00:56:48.000 So I didn't know an NBC producer was on this group text I was in.

00:56:54.000 I just got it from an agent that was like, you need to apologize.

00:56:57.000 I was like, fuck them.

00:56:58.000 I'm not fucking apologizing.

00:57:00.000 I had no idea NBC was in the group text.

00:57:02.000 So it made me look like I was a baller, but as soon as I was like, oh, fuck.

00:57:07.000 I'm looking at my phone like, fuck, fuck, fuck, dude.

00:57:09.000 I mean, it's pure panic.

00:57:12.000 It's pure panic.

00:57:13.000 And this, again, I'm going from zero, like no one knows who I am at all, to like the whole world is, I mean, it's crazy.

00:57:20.000 Yeah.

00:57:21.000 And then, so they asked me to put out a statement.

00:57:23.000 I'm like, fuck no, I can't do that.

00:57:25.000 It was a ridiculous statement.

00:57:27.000 Inexcusable, growth, all that shit.

00:57:29.000 Yeah.

00:57:30.000 That's just wild.

00:57:31.000 Yeah.

00:57:33.000 And I talked to some comedians, and they were like, how are you going to do stand-up again if you say this?

00:57:39.000 Like, how are you going to be able to go do comedy having just said everything I said was inexcusable?

00:57:46.000 From now on, everything you said is, you know what I mean?

00:57:49.000 It's just disgusting.

00:57:50.000 Everything you've done, you regret, and it's disgusting.

00:57:53.000 And then I talked to Lorne.

00:57:55.000 Lorne called, and he was like, Just give me something.

00:58:00.000 Give me anything.

00:58:01.000 Because I told him I couldn't do that.

00:58:02.000 I was like, I can't do the sorry, inexcusable thing.

00:58:04.000 And he was like, just give me something.

00:58:06.000 But I need it in the next 10 minutes.

00:58:08.000 Whoa.

00:58:09.000 So I had fucking 10 minutes to write this thing.

00:58:11.000 Oh my god.

00:58:12.000 So I'm sitting there.

00:58:13.000 I mean, it's raining out.

00:58:13.000 I was at the stand in New York.

00:58:15.000 I was trying to do stand-up.

00:58:18.000 So I go in and he's like...

00:58:19.000 Or my manager was like...

00:58:22.000 Just say you're a comedian that pushes boundaries.

00:58:25.000 So my first thing I'd tweet out was like, I'm a comedian that pushes boundaries.

00:58:30.000 Fuck, that's so lame, dude.

00:58:31.000 God damn it, I blew it.

00:58:34.000 But yeah, I was like, sorry to anybody that's actually offended.

00:58:36.000 That was never my thing.

00:58:38.000 Because I didn't think anyone was actually offended.

00:58:41.000 They probably really weren't.

00:58:42.000 Almost no one.

00:58:43.000 Well, there is a few...

00:58:44.000 Of course there are people that saw it that were like, this bums me out that this word's getting thrown around.

00:58:49.000 Yeah.

00:58:49.000 You know?

00:58:49.000 And I get that.

00:58:50.000 And I am sorry for that.

00:58:52.000 Yeah.

00:58:52.000 No, I believe you are.

00:58:54.000 Yeah.

00:58:54.000 Because that's not the way you meant to do it in the context.

00:58:58.000 Yeah.

00:58:59.000 Again, it's a thing that people do.

00:59:00.000 They're just talking shit.

00:59:02.000 It's not real.

00:59:03.000 It's like you're saying something inappropriate on purpose.

00:59:07.000 Yeah.

00:59:07.000 And the only way you can do that is if the other person knows you're not racist.

00:59:12.000 Yeah.

00:59:12.000 That's why it works.

00:59:14.000 It works because you're saying something that's ridiculous.

00:59:16.000 I'm like, what the fuck are you saying?

00:59:17.000 We're doing a podcast for 500 people.

00:59:20.000 Yeah.

00:59:20.000 That's how many people are listening to this thing.

00:59:22.000 Yeah.

00:59:23.000 Me and my friend Matt McCusker, what up, bro?

00:59:27.000 What up, bro?

00:59:27.000 I can't believe it took this long to shout him out.

00:59:30.000 You would like Matt.

00:59:31.000 I'm sure.

00:59:32.000 You guys are the same guy.

00:59:34.000 Really?

00:59:34.000 Yes.

00:59:35.000 Everything you've said to me this week, I've heard from Matt.

00:59:39.000 Like, dude, every single thing.

00:59:41.000 Really?

00:59:41.000 Yeah, you're like, you know humans were supposed to be like this?

00:59:43.000 Like, you know we're supposed to be out gathering?

00:59:46.000 Like, all that shit.

00:59:46.000 That's fine.

00:59:47.000 Matt.

00:59:50.000 What the fuck was I saying?

00:59:52.000 Who cares?

00:59:53.000 You were at your statement.

00:59:55.000 Oh, yeah.

00:59:56.000 Ten minutes.

00:59:56.000 Statement.

00:59:57.000 I had ten minutes.

00:59:58.000 I put this thing together.

01:00:01.000 It's okay, but it's one of those things where it's like you're caught up in this moment of like, this is huge, you're emotional.

01:00:07.000 And in a couple of years, like, you know, you're going to be embarrassed.

01:00:11.000 Don't ever apologize.

01:00:12.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:00:14.000 You can apologize for hurting people's feelings.

01:00:16.000 For hurting people's feelings, certainly.

01:00:17.000 You can still apologize for things you said.

01:00:20.000 Don't issue a statement.

01:00:20.000 Yeah.

01:00:21.000 The problem was those statements are so grandiose, too.

01:00:23.000 It's like, people, like, when Jimmy Kimmel made a statement about doing blackface in the 90s, it's like, oh, Jimmy.

01:00:30.000 Yeah.

01:00:31.000 Everybody knows.

01:00:31.000 They know that you were just doing Karl Malone.

01:00:34.000 They know you're not racist.

01:00:36.000 You're appeasing to the worst humans.

01:00:39.000 Yeah.

01:00:39.000 That's the problem is the people that want you to apologize for that stuff, they're all sanctimonious shitheads who are just trying to take people down.

01:00:50.000 They're not really thinking you're a bad person.

01:00:53.000 No reasonable human being thinks Jimmy Kimmel's a bad person or a racist.

01:00:58.000 That's ridiculous.

01:00:59.000 They're looking for targets.

01:01:01.000 They got a bag of rocks and they're looking at windows.

01:01:05.000 That's what it is.

01:01:07.000 And yeah, it's fun.

01:01:08.000 Yeah, it's fun.

01:01:08.000 It's fun to watch someone get fucking crushed.

01:01:10.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:11.000 That's what people like.

01:01:12.000 I like watching car accidents.

01:01:14.000 Yeah, all the time.

01:01:15.000 I watch, yeah, the worst things possible.

01:01:17.000 I watch that.

01:01:18.000 And on Twitter, even today, even after it happened to me, I'll see it happening to someone else and be like...

01:01:26.000 It's crazy.

01:01:26.000 It is, but, you know, we're talking about Tony.

01:01:29.000 When Tony goes on stage now, I'm telling you the round of applause this fucking guy gets is like double what used to happen.

01:01:37.000 They cheer.

01:01:38.000 It's fans reassuring you.

01:01:40.000 Yes.

01:01:40.000 We like you.

01:01:41.000 We know what you did wasn't, that wasn't you.

01:01:44.000 Right.

01:01:44.000 Like, we know that.

01:01:45.000 You know, we know it's just, you're just doing comedy.

01:01:47.000 You're fucking around, and it mightn't, Might have been the wrong thing to say at the time, but he probably had about five seconds to think about what he was going to say as he was walking to the stage and said, I'm going to light these people up.

01:01:58.000 I like to think about Tony right before he went on looking at someone like, watch this.

01:02:05.000 It ruined his life!

01:02:07.000 Ruining his life for a full week.

01:02:10.000 Yeah.

01:02:10.000 Mine was for a couple months.

01:02:14.000 I got fucking drilled by that.

01:02:17.000 But...

01:02:18.000 Yeah, it's a very surreal thing.

01:02:21.000 How long before you went on stage again?

01:02:23.000 I went on stage that night.

01:02:24.000 I did shows at The Stand.

01:02:26.000 Wow.

01:02:26.000 Yeah.

01:02:27.000 Because that was the only place that I wouldn't have been freaking out.

01:02:31.000 Right, right.

01:02:32.000 Like, it was at a comedy club.

01:02:33.000 Right.

01:02:34.000 Like, I didn't want to go home and sit in my apartment alone.

01:02:37.000 Oh, yeah.

01:02:38.000 It would have been crazy.

01:02:39.000 That's crazy.

01:02:39.000 What was it like the moment you went on stage?

01:02:41.000 Like, knowing all this shit is happening to you?

01:02:43.000 The place went crazy.

01:02:44.000 Really?

01:02:44.000 Yeah.

01:02:45.000 Isn't that wild?

01:02:46.000 Well, it was the biggest story at the time.

01:02:49.000 So everyone in the room was like...

01:02:50.000 It was my first...

01:02:51.000 It was the only time I've ever experienced what it must be like to be famous and do stand-up as like a drop-in.

01:02:58.000 And then after time...

01:02:59.000 It's funny because after time everybody forgets what happened.

01:03:02.000 Yeah.

01:03:02.000 Did you address it?

01:03:03.000 Yeah.

01:03:04.000 That's all I talked about.

01:03:05.000 I mean, it was happening.

01:03:06.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:03:07.000 While I was on stage.

01:03:09.000 Fuck.

01:03:09.000 Yeah.

01:03:10.000 And it happened...

01:03:11.000 It was fun.

01:03:11.000 And it lasted for months?

01:03:13.000 Yeah.

01:03:13.000 How long before they fired you?

01:03:14.000 How many days was it?

01:03:15.000 Four, maybe.

01:03:17.000 And so, what was the decision?

01:03:18.000 How did they explain it?

01:03:21.000 Uh, I knew it was...

01:03:22.000 I was the one that was like, you guys are gonna fire me.

01:03:25.000 Like, it's okay.

01:03:26.000 I get it.

01:03:27.000 I wasn't even like, fuck them.

01:03:29.000 I should have my job.

01:03:30.000 I was like, I get it.

01:03:31.000 I said something fucked up.

01:03:32.000 This is a corporation.

01:03:35.000 It's SNL. You can't...

01:03:36.000 Yeah.

01:03:37.000 I understand.

01:03:37.000 Now, if it wasn't me, I'd probably be defending me.

01:03:40.000 Of course.

01:03:41.000 But because it was me, I was like, I said it.

01:03:43.000 Whatever.

01:03:45.000 Keep making your fucking show.

01:03:47.000 Yeah.

01:03:48.000 I don't know.

01:03:49.000 I don't know how to...

01:03:51.000 Describe it.

01:03:52.000 It's weird.

01:03:53.000 It's weird defending yourself.

01:03:55.000 I don't know.

01:03:56.000 Maybe I gotta improve my self-worth.

01:03:59.000 No.

01:04:01.000 You know, I think ultimately...

01:04:03.000 Look, life is filled with these weird trials and moments of revelation and ways you understand things.

01:04:12.000 And the best way to understand consequences is to really have a moment...

01:04:18.000 Where the walls come tumbling down.

01:04:20.000 And when you come out on the other end and you don't think you're ever going to.

01:04:24.000 Because there had to be times where you didn't think you were going to come out on the other end.

01:04:27.000 But when you do, there's a feeling of levity.

01:04:31.000 It's lifted off of you.

01:04:32.000 For sure.

01:04:33.000 For sure, yeah.

01:04:35.000 It's also the embracing of the importance of stand-up comedy.

01:04:40.000 The real, raw, nightclub stand-up.

01:04:44.000 Oh, that was the best.

01:04:44.000 There's been two times I've loved stand-up comedy.

01:04:49.000 One was I went through a breakup after a long time, and I was fucking devastated.

01:04:53.000 I dated this girl for like six years, and then I went and did stand-up that night and almost cried.

01:04:58.000 Wow.

01:04:58.000 Just because it was the first time I was happy after going through a breakup, and I was like, damn, I love this.

01:05:03.000 Same thing with that.

01:05:05.000 While you're getting fucking crushed by everybody, you can go out and do stand-up and people are like, you guys like me.

01:05:12.000 Everyone else hates me.

01:05:13.000 It's a wild art form, man.

01:05:15.000 It's fun.

01:05:15.000 It's so fun just to watch still.

01:05:18.000 I've been doing it for more than 30 years and someone goes up and kills.

01:05:21.000 I have a great time.

01:05:22.000 I'm loving it.

01:05:24.000 Yeah, there's nothing better.

01:05:25.000 It's the best thing to watch.

01:05:26.000 There's nothing better than someone killing.

01:05:28.000 No, there's nothing better.

01:05:29.000 Nothing better when you don't know their material, too.

01:05:32.000 Never seen them before, and they're just lighting a room on fire with really interesting shit.

01:05:36.000 Yeah.

01:05:37.000 Yeah, it's better, man.

01:05:40.000 It is, because if you're contained inside that Saturday Night Live structure, no disrespect to anybody that is, but you're not as free.

01:05:48.000 You're going to be more reserved.

01:05:50.000 You're going to hold back.

01:05:51.000 Definitely.

01:05:52.000 Yeah, there's that, for sure.

01:05:54.000 I think I would have done well, though.

01:05:56.000 On the show?

01:05:57.000 You would have killed it.

01:05:58.000 I think that's what bothers me the most, because people like to...

01:06:00.000 Here's one thing that I notice, that people that do the canceling, or attack people on Twitter, or however you fucking want to call it, they like to vindicate themselves by being like, no one gets canceled.

01:06:12.000 They love saying that.

01:06:14.000 What does that mean?

01:06:15.000 They're always like, cancel culture's not real.

01:06:17.000 It's like...

01:06:19.000 Of course it's real.

01:06:20.000 I mean, I lost my job.

01:06:22.000 Yeah, what does that mean?

01:06:23.000 But they like to be like, nah, you're doing better now.

01:06:28.000 He's better now.

01:06:29.000 It's like, you're the one who got me...

01:06:30.000 You can't fuck someone over like that and then be like, nah, you're fine.

01:06:34.000 Well, it's like a real big brother thing.

01:06:36.000 You ever like...

01:06:36.000 Yeah.

01:06:37.000 You know?

01:06:37.000 Stop crying.

01:06:38.000 You're fine.

01:06:39.000 Yeah.

01:06:41.000 And they like to say, like, SNL couldn't have used me or wouldn't have used me.

01:06:44.000 They would have been like, ah, he would have been a waste on there anyway.

01:06:47.000 It's like, I think I could have been good.

01:06:48.000 You would have been great.

01:06:49.000 But you would have never had the kind of freedom that you are doing your sketch show now.

01:06:54.000 That you have, rather.

01:06:54.000 For sure.

01:06:55.000 Your sketch show now is wild and raw.

01:06:58.000 And that fucking OnlyFans dad that you sent me today?

01:07:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:07:01.000 Holy shit, dude.

01:07:03.000 I mean, imagine you would not be able to do that anywhere.

01:07:06.000 Yeah.

01:07:07.000 And it's better than anything SNL's doing.

01:07:10.000 That's a fact.

01:07:11.000 It's better.

01:07:12.000 It's better for me.

01:07:13.000 What I like, people like different shit, right?

01:07:16.000 You ever get on a Sibian?

01:07:17.000 Not yet.

01:07:18.000 Those things hurt.

01:07:18.000 I'm sure.

01:07:19.000 It fucked my groin muscles.

01:07:21.000 Really?

01:07:21.000 Yeah.

01:07:22.000 That was like a hard one to film.

01:07:24.000 How do you film it?

01:07:25.000 I just had to sit on that thing.

01:07:27.000 And hold your legs together?

01:07:28.000 I was straddling it.

01:07:30.000 Was your cock and balls really out?

01:07:31.000 No.

01:07:31.000 No, but I was in a flesh-colored speedo.

01:07:38.000 There's all these girls around, dude.

01:07:39.000 I'm not...

01:07:41.000 It looks terrible, dude.

01:07:43.000 And you know, you're nervous when you're filming stuff.

01:07:45.000 Oh, yeah.

01:07:45.000 So I had like the smallest dick possible.

01:07:48.000 Of course.

01:07:49.000 Like that, sticking out forward.

01:07:50.000 Don't even look at it.

01:07:51.000 You might be able to see it through there.

01:07:54.000 Yeah.

01:07:55.000 But that was, yeah, the whole thing was cool.

01:07:57.000 Filming all that stuff.

01:07:58.000 It's a great premise, too.

01:07:59.000 That OnlyFans thing is wild.

01:08:02.000 I mean, I know a girl who makes $100,000 a month showing her feet.

01:08:08.000 Nice.

01:08:08.000 Like, what?

01:08:10.000 Yeah, she works for a buddy of mine.

01:08:13.000 She works on his podcast.

01:08:15.000 Yeah, she just shows feet.

01:08:17.000 $100,000 a month?

01:08:18.000 Yeah.

01:08:20.000 Yeah, what?

01:08:22.000 Right.

01:08:23.000 How horny are these guys?

01:08:24.000 They're so horny.

01:08:25.000 But it's not just that they're horny.

01:08:28.000 They're fans of this one person because they've seen her before, and so they want to jerk off to her feet.

01:08:35.000 And it's just her feet.

01:08:36.000 Yeah.

01:08:37.000 I don't know.

01:08:38.000 I haven't subscribed, but that's what I understand.

01:08:40.000 It's just her feet.

01:08:41.000 Yeah.

01:08:42.000 I mean, probably her in her underwear and her feet, you know, those kind of things.

01:08:48.000 If, like, the Pamela Anderson-Tommy Lee thing launched on OnlyFans, how that would have gone down?

01:08:53.000 Right.

01:08:53.000 And if they just started just banging on OnlyFans, just releasing videos?

01:08:57.000 Yeah.

01:08:58.000 A lot of girls got into OnlyFans during...

01:09:01.000 Well, it's a great way to make money, but the problem is you get addicted to that money.

01:09:04.000 If you're making $100,000 a month, and then you go, you know what, I really want a family someday, and I've got to stop showing my cooter, and then you get off of it, and you realize you've got a $4,000 a month condo, and you're like, what am I doing here?

01:09:19.000 Yeah, I've got to show my pussy again.

01:09:20.000 Yeah, I've got to show my pussy to pay for this fucking Lexus I bought.

01:09:24.000 It gets weird, because you can get imprisoned by bills or your lifestyle, and if you have that kind of lifestyle, it's super hard for someone to give up that kind of money, because that's way more than porn money.

01:09:37.000 Porn stars, unless you're top of the food chain porn gal, you're not making that kind of loot.

01:09:43.000 Yeah, porn stars are pretty exploited.

01:09:45.000 Well, they're doing OnlyFans now, too.

01:09:47.000 Good for them.

01:09:48.000 That's actually nice.

01:09:49.000 That's good.

01:09:50.000 Well, they're not just exploited.

01:09:51.000 They're in a weird situation now where no one buys DVDs anymore, right?

01:09:56.000 So that was where they made the most money.

01:09:57.000 One of my neighbors back when I lived in California was a guy that I did jujitsu with.

01:10:01.000 He was like two houses down from me.

01:10:03.000 He was a big porn producer.

01:10:04.000 He was a crazy dude.

01:10:06.000 Really crazy guy.

01:10:07.000 He's always coked up.

01:10:09.000 He was doing great.

01:10:13.000 Balling, making videos.

01:10:15.000 And he would tell me, like, the real money's in producing.

01:10:18.000 And then the fucking internet comes along and just pulled the rug out from underneath that business.

01:10:26.000 Then everybody was just getting porn for free.

01:10:29.000 And so they went from making millions and millions of dollars every year to nothing.

01:10:35.000 Boom.

01:10:36.000 He lost his house.

01:10:37.000 What'd they do?

01:10:38.000 His house got repossessed.

01:10:40.000 Really?

01:10:40.000 Yep.

01:10:41.000 Yeah, he lost his house.

01:10:44.000 He moved out of the neighborhood.

01:10:46.000 They eventually foreclosed on his house.

01:10:49.000 And, yeah, it just was a wave of things falling apart.

01:10:53.000 And, I mean, I think the only people that can make any money are the girls.

01:10:58.000 The guys make very little money.

01:11:00.000 Oh, the actors?

01:11:02.000 The male actors?

01:11:02.000 Yeah, the male actors.

01:11:04.000 The male actors.

01:11:05.000 The thespians?

01:11:05.000 Yes.

01:11:06.000 Those guys, they can't make much money at all.

01:11:08.000 It's hard.

01:11:09.000 Unless they're very...

01:11:10.000 Yeah, of course.

01:11:10.000 ...very industrious and they figure out some sort of subscription-only panel.

01:11:14.000 They only fuck all the hottest girls, right?

01:11:16.000 Yeah.

01:11:19.000 I'd love to add to this.

01:11:21.000 It's a weird world because a lot of people beat off, but a lot of people like to lie about it.

01:11:29.000 Yeah.

01:11:29.000 It's a weird world.

01:11:30.000 I've been up here.

01:11:31.000 Before Ari got here, I was just up in Tim's mansion in the hills alone, just beating off up in the mountains.

01:11:37.000 Nice.

01:11:38.000 It's good.

01:11:39.000 Beating off's good.

01:11:40.000 I'm glad we can do it.

01:11:41.000 Beating off up in the hills.

01:11:42.000 Changes people's feelings about things.

01:11:45.000 You beat off, it relaxes you.

01:11:46.000 Dude, I'll start DMing or texting girls or something.

01:11:49.000 Just one beat off.

01:11:50.000 What am I doing?

01:11:51.000 What the fuck am I doing?

01:11:53.000 I used to have a whole bit about jerk off first, then think about keys to life.

01:11:57.000 If you're thinking about doing something, just jerk off and then look at it.

01:12:00.000 Because a lot of times your perspective is marred by this desire to breed.

01:12:05.000 Yeah.

01:12:05.000 And you don't really like the person that you're going to call.

01:12:09.000 Yeah.

01:12:09.000 You're not really socially compatible with them, but you want to fuck them.

01:12:13.000 Yeah.

01:12:14.000 And then you jerk off and you go, oh.

01:12:17.000 Like, if a guy jerks off, the bit was basically that if a guy jerks off and still calls you, he fucking loves you.

01:12:23.000 Yeah.

01:12:24.000 Like, that's real.

01:12:26.000 Loves you.

01:12:27.000 Yeah.

01:12:28.000 Not just the opportunity to...

01:12:29.000 Not coming.

01:12:30.000 Yeah.

01:12:31.000 It's so embarrassing.

01:12:33.000 When you're a young man and you don't understand it, like I remember being like 18 and 19 being so confused because I was like, I was really into a girl and then I'd have an orgasm and I was really not into her.

01:12:44.000 Yeah.

01:12:45.000 Like really quickly.

01:12:46.000 And some girls would think that like, oh, he's an asshole.

01:12:51.000 He tricked me into thinking he liked me.

01:12:52.000 Like, no, I tricked me too.

01:12:54.000 No, yeah, I loved you.

01:12:55.000 I fucking love you so much.

01:12:58.000 Please leave.

01:12:59.000 Please.

01:13:00.000 I need to be alone.

01:13:01.000 I bet they feel the same way, too.

01:13:02.000 No, I think they're...

01:13:03.000 Oh, yeah, maybe.

01:13:04.000 After they...

01:13:05.000 Yeah.

01:13:05.000 They're probably like, what am I doing?

01:13:07.000 What the fuck?

01:13:07.000 This guy's sticking in me.

01:13:10.000 With that shirt?

01:13:12.000 That guy fuck me?

01:13:15.000 No, they like...

01:13:16.000 Once you come, they're like...

01:13:19.000 Stay, stay, stay.

01:13:20.000 Some of them are.

01:13:21.000 Yeah.

01:13:21.000 Because they want you to raise the children with them.

01:13:23.000 Yeah.

01:13:24.000 It's like, it's weird primal instincts, man.

01:13:26.000 Yeah, of course it is.

01:13:27.000 It's everything.

01:13:27.000 Everything is that.

01:13:28.000 Yeah.

01:13:29.000 So this, um, so back to the SNL thing.

01:13:32.000 Yeah, back to SNL. We talked to come.

01:13:33.000 They, so the, the, the, the hits keep coming.

01:13:37.000 They keep coming after you.

01:13:38.000 It's like four days in, right?

01:13:41.000 And how long in, when do you decide, like, when do you give up?

01:13:46.000 I gave up the first night.

01:13:48.000 Oh.

01:13:49.000 The very first night.

01:13:50.000 Like, the first article, it was funny, the first article came out that said I used the C word.

01:13:55.000 Right.

01:13:56.000 My agent calls me, and is like, did you say that?

01:13:59.000 This word?

01:14:00.000 And I was like, I would never say that.

01:14:02.000 I would literally, I was like, that's not in, I don't say that shit.

01:14:06.000 She was like, here's the video clip.

01:14:07.000 I was like...

01:14:08.000 They're like, alright, looks like I said it.

01:14:11.000 Oh, that was UTA. Shout out UTA. They dropped me.

01:14:15.000 They kept Jussie Smollett.

01:14:17.000 Dropped me.

01:14:17.000 Did they really?

01:14:18.000 They kept Jussie Smollett as long as they could.

01:14:20.000 Still?

01:14:20.000 I don't know if they still have him.

01:14:22.000 Wow.

01:14:24.000 Dropped me for maybe joking.

01:14:27.000 Jussie Smollett, or Jesse Smollett, as Dave Chappelle calls him.

01:14:30.000 Juicy.

01:14:31.000 Juicy, that's right.

01:14:32.000 He was really good in that Alien movie.

01:14:33.000 Was he?

01:14:34.000 Alien Covenant.

01:14:35.000 Yeah.

01:14:36.000 Doesn't mean he's not a great actor.

01:14:38.000 He's not a great actor.

01:14:39.000 How about that?

01:14:40.000 Is he not?

01:14:41.000 No.

01:14:41.000 He was okay in that movie.

01:14:43.000 He must have been a terrible actor when those fucking cops showed up.

01:14:45.000 Kind of joking around.

01:14:45.000 Oh, yeah.

01:14:46.000 I'm sure.

01:14:47.000 I'm sure with his fucking- He's like, what happened?

01:14:49.000 Put a noose still around his neck holding a Subway sandwich.

01:14:51.000 Yeah.

01:14:51.000 It's one of the dumbest plots of all time.

01:14:53.000 It is up there.

01:14:54.000 And that Chappelle bit is fucking magic.

01:14:56.000 It's magic.

01:14:57.000 It's so funny.

01:14:58.000 It's magic.

01:14:58.000 And the way he spells, like, pronounces his name wrong.

01:15:01.000 Yeah.

01:15:02.000 That French actor.

01:15:04.000 Juicy.

01:15:09.000 Yeah, he's incredible.

01:15:13.000 Nah, I just wanted to shout out UTA. Yeah, listen man, all those structures, all those things, they can do you good.

01:15:20.000 Don't get me wrong, but they're basically like bridges that'll fall apart in the middle of your journey across the river.

01:15:26.000 You can't count on them.

01:15:29.000 No, they turn on you instantly.

01:15:30.000 The moment they have to, they'll turn on you.

01:15:33.000 And they will.

01:15:34.000 That's okay, though.

01:15:35.000 As long as comedy doesn't.

01:15:36.000 You know, comedy is the only thing that we can all count on.

01:15:40.000 Comedians and audience members that love comedy.

01:15:43.000 And there's a lot of people outside of that world that will try to change the true meaning of what you're saying and try to pretend that you're being serious and try to pretend that you're a bad person or to try to pretend that it doesn't matter.

01:15:55.000 And you should never be able to say those things again.

01:15:58.000 You're a racist or a sexist or a homophobe or this or that.

01:16:01.000 And like...

01:16:02.000 You guys can all eat shit.

01:16:04.000 You can all eat shit.

01:16:05.000 Because you know what you're doing, and it doesn't work anymore.

01:16:08.000 The thing about this whole climate, this oversensitive climate, is that people are fed up with it.

01:16:14.000 And so there's a massive rebound when someone gets through on the other end.

01:16:18.000 Yeah.

01:16:19.000 Yeah, people are definitely...

01:16:20.000 Everybody's tired of it.

01:16:21.000 It's every day.

01:16:22.000 Yeah.

01:16:22.000 It's every day.

01:16:23.000 But there's still people that that is their currency.

01:16:26.000 That's what they trade in.

01:16:27.000 So they're still trying to cancel people all the time.

01:16:29.000 And with a lot of it, and one of the things that Tim said, and then I became friends with Tim after he wrote something really...

01:16:36.000 Insightful about comics that were coming out against Louie and he said one thing that they have in common is they're all really mediocre and They love the fact that this brilliant guy is being taken out So it moves them up the ladder and they're they're trying to gain social clout by attacking him 100% true and the Louie thing was everybody knew that Everybody knew that story about Louie in comedy.

01:17:01.000 Oh, yeah.

01:17:02.000 Before that had dropped.

01:17:03.000 Yeah, I knew about it.

01:17:04.000 Before the news broke.

01:17:05.000 I knew about it.

01:17:05.000 I was an open-miker in Philly.

01:17:07.000 Well, I knew that he used to ask Sarah Silverman, and he would jerk off, and she would say yes.

01:17:12.000 Yes.

01:17:12.000 And he would jerk off, and they would laugh about it.

01:17:13.000 We heard the stories, and then, so everybody knew it.

01:17:16.000 Again, I knew it.

01:17:17.000 I was an open-miker in Philly.

01:17:19.000 I'd heard about it.

01:17:20.000 I didn't know it.

01:17:21.000 You know what I mean?

01:17:21.000 And then, as soon as it becomes in the news, now every comedian wants to speak out against it.

01:17:27.000 It's like, where were you when you heard about it?

01:17:29.000 I heard about it.

01:17:30.000 Right.

01:17:31.000 Well, they were scared when Louie was on top that if they came after him, then everybody else would take out them to try to make Louie happy if Louie didn't get taken out.

01:17:43.000 But once it was clear that Louie was hit and wounded...

01:17:47.000 You ever see what happens with buffaloes when they get attacked by a lion?

01:17:52.000 It's really interesting.

01:17:53.000 Yeah.

01:17:54.000 I've watched.

01:17:55.000 There's a video of these water buffaloes get attacked by a lion, and one water buffalo gets attacked and finally manages to get free of these lions.

01:18:03.000 They're fighting off these lions, finally manages to get free, and as he's moving around, another water buffalo comes along and slams into him and knocks him over, and then the lions get him.

01:18:13.000 And I'm like, that is comedy.

01:18:15.000 That's nature.

01:18:16.000 That's humans.

01:18:18.000 That's just biology.

01:18:19.000 When someone senses weakness, the really shitty people amongst them, those people attack.

01:18:28.000 It's pretty funny that Buffalo did that.

01:18:30.000 Yeah.

01:18:31.000 It's funny.

01:18:32.000 The video's funny.

01:18:32.000 Because you watch him like, look at that cunt.

01:18:34.000 He's going to get out of this?

01:18:36.000 Oh, man.

01:18:36.000 And then his friend comes along and rams into him and knocks him over.

01:18:39.000 I watch those videos.

01:18:41.000 I mean, just stand up for yourselves, water buffaloes.

01:18:44.000 They try.

01:18:45.000 Everyone's horns.

01:18:46.000 I know, but there's so many of them.

01:18:48.000 Yeah.

01:18:49.000 There's a place in Africa.

01:18:51.000 There's an amazing documentary called Relentless Enemies.

01:18:54.000 And in this documentary, there's a strange part of Africa where the river shifted.

01:19:00.000 And when the river shifted, these lions and these water buffalo got stranded on an island.

01:19:06.000 And it's a large island, but it's only filled with water buffalo and lions.

01:19:12.000 And so because the lions can only hunt buffalo...

01:19:17.000 They all grew bigger.

01:19:18.000 So they have enormous lions.

01:19:20.000 Like the female lions are as big as a male lion everywhere else.

01:19:24.000 And they look cartoonish.

01:19:26.000 Like they have giant muscles, like the Hulk.

01:19:28.000 It's crazy.

01:19:29.000 Because all the ones that survive are ones that figure out how to attack lions.

01:19:33.000 Pull up a picture of these fucking lions.

01:19:37.000 Remember that documentary, Relentless Enemies?

01:19:39.000 Oh, there's the Kroger one.

01:19:41.000 Yeah.

01:19:41.000 Oh, is this the one where the buffalo escapes?

01:19:44.000 This is where the boys finally unite.

01:19:47.000 Yeah.

01:19:48.000 This is where they unite and try to take out the lions.

01:19:50.000 This is great.

01:19:50.000 They start fucking them up.

01:19:51.000 Yeah.

01:19:52.000 Well, lions are so much smaller than a buffalo.

01:19:55.000 Yeah.

01:19:55.000 And once they start attacking the lions, it's like, ah, it's kind of sad now.

01:19:59.000 Not really.

01:20:00.000 It's how it goes.

01:20:03.000 This is how it goes.

01:20:04.000 See if you can find that relentless enemy's lions.

01:20:08.000 So it's just a weird genetic aberration.

01:20:12.000 Like, natural selection has taken place and these lions have gotten way bigger.

01:20:16.000 But the thing is, the female ones have these fucking enormous muscles, man.

01:20:22.000 Like, there it is.

01:20:24.000 The 2006 full moon.

01:20:25.000 I love jacked women.

01:20:26.000 Yeah.

01:20:27.000 There's Relentless Enemies, full video.

01:20:36.000 Just give me some images of the jacked female lions.

01:20:41.000 Anyway, that's the idea.

01:20:43.000 It's a great documentary.

01:20:44.000 If you're into it, go check it out.

01:20:49.000 They look normal there.

01:20:51.000 There's pictures of them where they look fucking super...

01:20:53.000 Those are young ones though, that's why.

01:20:55.000 Anyway.

01:20:57.000 You get it.

01:20:58.000 So, when do they give up and when do they fire you?

01:21:05.000 I don't know.

01:21:06.000 It was probably like four days in.

01:21:07.000 I met with the people at NBC, like the head of NBC, all those people.

01:21:12.000 You're at like a giant marble table at the top of a skyscraper.

01:21:17.000 And they're like, what'd you say?

01:21:18.000 Come on, guys.

01:21:21.000 You had to meet with the people at NBC? Yeah, met with NBC. In person.

01:21:24.000 Met with people from SNL. What did they say to you?

01:21:28.000 I hardly remember.

01:21:29.000 It was such like, it was for real, it was like I blacked it out.

01:21:32.000 Like it was that fucking like...

01:21:34.000 Traumatic?

01:21:35.000 Maybe traumatic, definitely traumatic, but like...

01:21:38.000 Surreal?

01:21:38.000 It was so surreal.

01:21:40.000 Like it was totally, I detached and I was like, no, I don't care.

01:21:43.000 I kept being like, I don't care.

01:21:44.000 And everyone would be like, are you alright?

01:21:46.000 Like, are you okay?

01:21:46.000 I was like, yeah, I'm fine.

01:21:48.000 You know what I mean?

01:21:49.000 Right, right, right.

01:21:49.000 Because you don't want to be like, no, I'm not okay.

01:21:52.000 I said bad words and everyone's mad.

01:21:55.000 No, you gotta just be like, no, I don't give a fuck, dude.

01:22:01.000 Yeah, finally get the call that's like, nah, we're gonna...

01:22:05.000 They offered me, I could resign.

01:22:09.000 And I was like, no, you guys have to fire me.

01:22:11.000 Like, this has to be on you guys.

01:22:14.000 Yeah.

01:22:15.000 And they did.

01:22:16.000 They're like, alright, yeah, you're fired.

01:22:18.000 What did they say in their statement?

01:22:20.000 And then they were like, we're gonna release a statement, you release a tweet.

01:22:24.000 It's all planned.

01:22:25.000 In fact, since my thing, I've seen people issue the apology NBC gave me.

01:22:34.000 Verbatim.

01:22:34.000 Just about verbatim.

01:22:37.000 It's all fake.

01:22:38.000 The entire thing's fake.

01:22:39.000 The people that are outraged are not serious.

01:22:41.000 The people that are sorry are not serious.

01:22:45.000 Basically, everybody that has said sorry has been like, yeah, I'm very sorry.

01:22:49.000 Fuck them motherfuckers.

01:22:51.000 And that's how it goes.

01:22:52.000 Yeah.

01:22:53.000 And the whole time, no one cares.

01:22:54.000 No one cares.

01:22:57.000 It's a weird dance, isn't it?

01:22:58.000 It's a very, very weird dance.

01:23:01.000 Especially over comedy.

01:23:02.000 That's the thing we're worried about?

01:23:03.000 Right.

01:23:05.000 Well, it's podcast is what it is.

01:23:07.000 That's the thing that can get you in the most trouble.

01:23:09.000 Yeah.

01:23:10.000 It's because it's so free-flowing, and when you're doing it alongside another comedian, you're just trying to make each other laugh.

01:23:18.000 And one of the best ways to make a comic laugh is to say some shit you're not supposed to say.

01:23:23.000 Yeah.

01:23:24.000 But we know.

01:23:25.000 It's the funniest.

01:23:26.000 It's the only way to make a comic laugh.

01:23:28.000 Yeah.

01:23:28.000 Just about.

01:23:30.000 It's one of the ways.

01:23:31.000 Yeah.

01:23:32.000 You know?

01:23:33.000 Yeah.

01:23:33.000 Say something fucked up.

01:23:34.000 You're like, huh?

01:23:38.000 Yeah.

01:23:38.000 So they eventually released a statement.

01:23:42.000 You know, these things he said did not align.

01:23:45.000 Yeah, we can't.

01:23:46.000 Yeah.

01:23:47.000 He's out of here.

01:23:48.000 Yeah.

01:23:48.000 And then...

01:23:49.000 Did you ever have any contact with Lauren afterwards or anyone?

01:23:51.000 Yeah.

01:23:52.000 I still talk to Lauren sometimes.

01:23:54.000 What does he say?

01:23:57.000 Hey.

01:23:57.000 You ever send him some new sketches?

01:23:59.000 Yeah, he's seen all this.

01:24:00.000 What does he say?

01:24:01.000 He likes them.

01:24:01.000 Does he say they're better than anything we do?

01:24:03.000 No.

01:24:03.000 Because they are.

01:24:04.000 No, no, no, no.

01:24:05.000 No?

01:24:05.000 No, he's been cool.

01:24:06.000 He was nice.

01:24:08.000 You know, but it's...

01:24:10.000 Yeah, he was nice.

01:24:12.000 I didn't take any of it too personally.

01:24:14.000 Of course, he has to do it.

01:24:15.000 Yeah, I knew he had to do it.

01:24:16.000 I knew it wasn't up to him.

01:24:18.000 I know it wasn't up to him, and everybody's like, yeah, it was.

01:24:21.000 It's like, no, dude, this was money.

01:24:22.000 If he doesn't, they'll come for him.

01:24:23.000 Yeah, I get it.

01:24:26.000 Yeah, they'll come for him.

01:24:28.000 Yeah, and that's it.

01:24:29.000 I don't know.

01:24:30.000 I thought I'd be more capable of discussing it, but...

01:24:34.000 Yeah.

01:24:35.000 I don't know.

01:24:35.000 It's uncomfortable.

01:24:36.000 Yeah.

01:24:36.000 It's like I don't...

01:24:37.000 I'm not too worried about it anymore.

01:24:40.000 I don't like...

01:24:41.000 I don't like...

01:24:43.000 I don't know.

01:24:44.000 Yeah.

01:24:46.000 Does that make sense?

01:24:47.000 No, it does make sense.

01:24:48.000 It's, you know...

01:24:51.000 Like, I don't want to be a victim.

01:24:52.000 I want to be a comedian.

01:24:54.000 So I don't want to come on and do stuff where I'm like, yeah, and then it was unfair how I was treated.

01:24:58.000 It's like, no, I get it.

01:24:59.000 I understand why I was treated that way.

01:25:02.000 I said wild shit.

01:25:03.000 I'm going to keep saying wild shit.

01:25:06.000 Nowadays, there's no chance I'm going to work at NBC. So those are the rules now.

01:25:10.000 If I want to argue why we made these rules, that's different.

01:25:15.000 But I understand the rules.

01:25:17.000 And I don't...

01:25:18.000 I wasn't...

01:25:20.000 Abiding by those rules.

01:25:21.000 I have zero desire to do a television show now, but I've been offered multiple ones over the last couple of years.

01:25:29.000 Last few years.

01:25:31.000 And the first thing that I think of is like, I don't want to defend any of the shit that I said in like 2009 or whatever.

01:25:38.000 I'm not interested in doing that.

01:25:40.000 It's like...

01:25:42.000 If you know what I'm doing, then good.

01:25:45.000 And if you don't know what I'm doing and you see it and you're not offended, all I can say is, that's not what I meant.

01:25:51.000 I'm just fucking around and don't listen.

01:25:53.000 You don't have to listen.

01:25:54.000 There's a lot of things to listen to.

01:25:55.000 There's literally a million podcasts now.

01:25:58.000 There's a million.

01:25:59.000 You don't have to listen to mine.

01:26:00.000 Go listen to women talk about murders.

01:26:03.000 There's a lot of that.

01:26:04.000 And be like, oh, this is good.

01:26:06.000 Now, those guys saying bad things, that's bad.

01:26:09.000 Not this entertainment value, murder, rape, suicide I'm listening to.

01:26:13.000 Chicks love those true crime shows.

01:26:15.000 They love them.

01:26:16.000 It's so weird.

01:26:17.000 My oldest daughter's really into them.

01:26:18.000 I'm like, why do you watch that?

01:26:20.000 Doesn't that disturb you?

01:26:22.000 They like it.

01:26:22.000 Yeah, I don't like them.

01:26:24.000 I try to watch the Night Stalker, that Netflix series.

01:26:27.000 You didn't like that one?

01:26:28.000 No.

01:26:29.000 Makes me very uncomfortable.

01:26:31.000 I don't like it at all.

01:26:31.000 Did you?

01:26:32.000 There were some funny parts in that.

01:26:33.000 Really?

01:26:34.000 What was funny?

01:26:35.000 Dude, you fucking...

01:26:36.000 See, this is Bud Light number four.

01:26:38.000 Here it comes, dude.

01:26:40.000 Now, there was one part where they listed, in the Night Stalker, they listed all his victims.

01:26:45.000 And two of them were sisters.

01:26:48.000 That he got with, like, a hammer.

01:26:50.000 And they were, like, 88 years old.

01:26:54.000 Now, obviously, there's nothing funny about it.

01:26:55.000 It's just funny that that's the wildest shit I've ever heard.

01:26:58.000 Yeah, there's nothing funny about that, but it's crazy.

01:27:01.000 Just two old ladies like, who's at the door?

01:27:04.000 He's telling an old lady with a hammer.

01:27:04.000 And he's like, it's me, the fucking devil.

01:27:08.000 See, I hear stuff like that and I just want to find that guy.

01:27:12.000 That's my feeling.

01:27:13.000 His ending was funny.

01:27:14.000 He went to like a Mexican neighborhood and they all started beating the shit out of him and turned him in.

01:27:19.000 Yeah, but they didn't kill him.

01:27:23.000 Is he dead now?

01:27:24.000 Yeah, he died in prison.

01:27:25.000 Oh, yeah.

01:27:26.000 Oh, that was the worst part of the documentary.

01:27:28.000 Yeah.

01:27:28.000 At the end, it's like, yeah, he died.

01:27:30.000 He had a long life and died of cancer.

01:27:32.000 Yeah, I think he died of cancer.

01:27:33.000 Yeah.

01:27:34.000 Yeah.

01:27:36.000 Well, he was broken, you know?

01:27:38.000 There's a lot of broken people out there.

01:27:40.000 Definitely.

01:27:41.000 The crazy thing is things like the Zodiac Killer.

01:27:44.000 Like guys who get away with it.

01:27:46.000 Yeah.

01:27:46.000 Like leave notes and get away.

01:27:48.000 I think there was a new breakthrough very recently on the Zodiac Killer.

01:27:52.000 They think they know who it is now.

01:27:54.000 But they've done that like 10 times.

01:27:56.000 They think they know who it is.

01:27:57.000 Yeah.

01:27:57.000 Wasn't it Ted Cruz's dad?

01:27:59.000 Ah!

01:28:00.000 Wasn't it Ted Cruz?

01:28:01.000 That was...

01:28:03.000 That was what Trump was saying.

01:28:04.000 I think it was Ted Cruz.

01:28:05.000 Didn't Trump say his dad killed Kennedy or something?

01:28:08.000 He's ruthless.

01:28:09.000 And then Ted Cruz is out there fucking carrying water for him after that.

01:28:14.000 He's like, I was about to do a Trump reference.

01:28:17.000 Go ahead.

01:28:18.000 I'm flailing.

01:28:19.000 Go ahead.

01:28:20.000 Don't be scared.

01:28:22.000 Yeah.

01:28:23.000 So when did it relax for you where you felt everything's okay again?

01:28:31.000 I mean, it was like five or six months after I got, like, canceled, COVID started.

01:28:37.000 So that's kind of when everything...

01:28:39.000 I mean, everything shut down, so it was like...

01:28:41.000 That helped Ari as well.

01:28:42.000 We got bigger fish to fry right now.

01:28:44.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:28:46.000 So that was it.

01:28:47.000 It just sucked, like...

01:28:49.000 It was kind of inconvenient timing for me because I would have liked to have kept going.

01:28:53.000 You know what I mean?

01:28:54.000 Like, not stop at all.

01:28:55.000 But then it did look like I got canceled and stopped.

01:28:58.000 Because of COVID. You know, I couldn't...

01:29:01.000 Are you still doing a podcast?

01:29:02.000 Yeah.

01:29:03.000 Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.

01:29:04.000 And how many people listen to it now?

01:29:07.000 I don't know.

01:29:08.000 We're usually top 100. Oh yeah, now?

01:29:11.000 Yeah.

01:29:11.000 Patreon went up.

01:29:12.000 Donate to the Patreon, dude.

01:29:14.000 Support the cause.

01:29:14.000 Yeah, how do we get to that?

01:29:16.000 Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast Patreon.

01:29:19.000 Google it.

01:29:20.000 How many downloads are you guys getting on a regular basis?

01:29:23.000 I'm not sure.

01:29:24.000 You don't pay attention?

01:29:25.000 I don't look that up.

01:29:25.000 Really?

01:29:25.000 Good.

01:29:26.000 Good for you.

01:29:26.000 No.

01:29:26.000 That's smart.

01:29:28.000 Yeah, I didn't know until it was too late.

01:29:30.000 Oh really?

01:29:31.000 I wasn't paying attention until it got really big.

01:29:32.000 And I was like, oh no.

01:29:34.000 Yeah, now you gotta worry about what you say.

01:29:38.000 Not worry about it, but you know what I mean.

01:29:40.000 You gotta be like, I'm joking.

01:29:42.000 This isn't real.

01:29:45.000 You also have to establish a relationship with your audience where they understand who you are.

01:29:51.000 And they know that even if you say wild shit, you're saying wild shit because you're being silly.

01:29:55.000 Yeah, but I think it gets so big that you lose the relationship with people.

01:30:02.000 Yeah, but then I'm saying outsiders will jump in and be like, what did he say?

01:30:06.000 That's okay.

01:30:07.000 You know?

01:30:07.000 That's okay.

01:30:09.000 It's worth it.

01:30:10.000 It's all worth it.

01:30:11.000 To be able to have something, like for me, to be able to have something where you can talk I would do this podcast exactly this way if I was just starting out and no one knew who I was and there was just a hundred people listening.

01:30:26.000 I would do it exactly the same way.

01:30:28.000 And it can be done that way, but you gotta take your lumps.

01:30:33.000 They'll come for you.

01:30:34.000 And when they come for you, you just gotta go...

01:30:37.000 Yeah, you gotta be like, this is crazy, huh?

01:30:39.000 Yeah, I just keep going.

01:30:41.000 Dude, I was taking the fucking subway home while getting canceled.

01:30:45.000 I would go to 30 Rock and meet with Lorne, and they're like, we're going to be all right, like all that.

01:30:51.000 Then I would get on the train home, and everybody, it was number one on Twitter, so people were just looking at me just sitting there like...

01:30:59.000 I literally watched people go like this.

01:31:03.000 Like just staring at me, and I'd be sitting there going...

01:31:06.000 The second eyes.

01:31:06.000 I'd go like this.

01:31:08.000 And what did they say?

01:31:09.000 It's me.

01:31:10.000 Did you have conversations with people about it?

01:31:11.000 I've had a couple.

01:31:12.000 Yeah, I had a couple.

01:31:12.000 And everyone was like, yo.

01:31:14.000 Every normal person is like, yo, this is crazy.

01:31:17.000 Yeah.

01:31:17.000 Well, people understand people inherently.

01:31:20.000 But when people try to pretend they don't and try to reduce you to the worst thing you've ever said, and this is you.

01:31:27.000 This is evidence of you.

01:31:29.000 They're all failures.

01:31:30.000 That's the crazy thing.

01:31:31.000 The people that want to do that, most of them...

01:31:35.000 They want to be a comic or they were a failed performer.

01:31:38.000 They're either a failed comic or a failed writer.

01:31:41.000 There's something wrong.

01:31:42.000 Most critics are critics because they don't have anything to contribute.

01:31:48.000 Do you think Stephen King wants to be a critic?

01:31:51.000 Do great writers want to be critics?

01:31:54.000 No, they want to be writers.

01:31:55.000 They want to put out art.

01:31:57.000 They want to explore the boundaries of their creativity and their discipline to bring that creativity into a tangible form where other people can absorb it and appreciate it and enjoy it.

01:32:07.000 And if you can't do that, you criticize.

01:32:10.000 And that's actually a good point because before, so like while I was an open-miker in Philly, I was criticizing because I wasn't creating anything good.

01:32:19.000 So I would sit there, I'd be like, this person sucks, this comic sucks, fuck them, fuck that.

01:32:25.000 And then you start to get good at stand-up.

01:32:28.000 You start to fucking meet these people that you just shit on.

01:32:31.000 And you're like, what the fuck was I doing?

01:32:33.000 Why the fuck was I... So it's almost the same thing where like...

01:32:37.000 While you're in that little incubation period of being an open mind, I was miserable.

01:32:41.000 I was like, fuck these people.

01:32:42.000 That person sucks.

01:32:43.000 They suck.

01:32:44.000 Everybody sucks.

01:32:46.000 I'm good.

01:32:47.000 That thing.

01:32:47.000 I had the exact same experiences when I was coming up because I was super hypercritical of other people.

01:32:55.000 Yeah.

01:32:55.000 But it was because I wasn't doing well.

01:32:57.000 Exactly.

01:32:57.000 Yeah.

01:32:58.000 And I remember I had a bit about Jenny McCarthy.

01:33:02.000 And then I met her and she was so nice.

01:33:04.000 Oh, what a bummer that is, isn't it?

01:33:05.000 I had to drop the bit.

01:33:07.000 Holy fuck.

01:33:07.000 It was just a bit.

01:33:08.000 I mean, it wasn't the meanest bit in the world.

01:33:10.000 It was a bit about her.

01:33:11.000 I read that she was getting her breast implants removed.

01:33:14.000 And I go, that's like Tiger Woods chopping his fucking arms off.

01:33:17.000 I go, put him back in and make him bigger and no talking.

01:33:21.000 I go, you're not famous because you're...

01:33:24.000 What, are you going to go do Shakespeare in the Park now?

01:33:26.000 I go, you're hot!

01:33:27.000 You think we like your mind?

01:33:29.000 But it was just mean.

01:33:30.000 And then I met her and she's so friendly.

01:33:33.000 And I was like, fuck!

01:33:34.000 It happened to me like crazy.

01:33:36.000 Every comedian, I'd be like, this person's special.

01:33:39.000 Sucks.

01:33:39.000 And then I'd meet them.

01:33:40.000 And then I'd see them do stand-up and be like, fuck!

01:33:42.000 Fuck, they're so much better than me.

01:33:44.000 They're so good.

01:33:45.000 You know what I mean?

01:33:46.000 The thing about specials is everyone's special is 60% to 70% less funny than how they actually are live.

01:33:53.000 There's no way around that because the experience of being there live is magic.

01:33:58.000 And I say this as an audience member.

01:34:00.000 I watched Chappelle this week.

01:34:02.000 We did these two shows in Vegas.

01:34:04.000 And Chappelle has this bit.

01:34:05.000 I don't want to give it away because it's so good.

01:34:07.000 But there's this bit about the Me Too movement.

01:34:09.000 It had me crying.

01:34:12.000 Tears are rolling down my eyes.

01:34:13.000 I'm holding my sides.

01:34:15.000 If you see this live, it's so good.

01:34:18.000 And I was like, there's a special thing in the air when you see a comic live.

01:34:23.000 And you get a lot of that through a special.

01:34:26.000 Like I said, 60 to 70%.

01:34:27.000 You don't get 100%.

01:34:29.000 No.

01:34:29.000 You don't get 100%.

01:34:30.000 No.

01:34:31.000 And you're also tense when you're doing a special.

01:34:33.000 Especially like...

01:34:35.000 You did this special this past weekend.

01:34:37.000 This past weekend, yeah.

01:34:38.000 And I was super bummed out when I heard that you only got to film one night.

01:34:42.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:34:42.000 Because I like two nights.

01:34:44.000 I do two nights and I do four shows.

01:34:46.000 Because that way I'm loose.

01:34:47.000 Because I know I have four shows to get it out.

01:34:50.000 One of these will work.

01:34:50.000 One of these are going to be great.

01:34:51.000 But you also feel better on the first show.

01:34:54.000 Like my last special that I did, that I filmed in Boston, most of it was from the first show.

01:34:58.000 The reason why I did a couple of extra bits in other shows that I figured out a way to sandwich in, I was like, ah, I forgot to do this on that first show.

01:35:07.000 That's the only reason why I put anything in from other shows.

01:35:09.000 Because the first show I was super loose, because I knew I had four shows.

01:35:14.000 But some of my specials before that, I only had two shows.

01:35:16.000 And you go out there for those two-show specials, you're like, boy.

01:35:19.000 I got lucky.

01:35:20.000 Saturday early, I did well.

01:35:22.000 If I hadn't, Saturday late show sucked.

01:35:25.000 If those had reversed, like if my first show sucked, I would have just been on stage just like, what the fuck?

01:35:33.000 One of my biggest specials I did was in 2014 for Comedy Central, and a lady heckled me during my first set.

01:35:41.000 God, I would have lost my life.

01:35:42.000 I'd be like, you bitch, I'll fucking kill you.

01:35:43.000 It was such a dumb heckle, too.

01:35:45.000 She's like, prove it.

01:35:46.000 And I was like, oh my God.

01:35:48.000 She also didn't understand what I was doing.

01:35:52.000 The bit was about the guy that broke into the White House.

01:35:56.000 I remember that bit.

01:35:57.000 No, that wasn't a bit.

01:35:57.000 That was the second special.

01:35:58.000 It was another bit.

01:35:59.000 Because that was my 2016 special.

01:36:03.000 That was triggered.

01:36:04.000 But whatever the bit was.

01:36:06.000 It was a setup, and it eventually made men look really stupid.

01:36:10.000 But the beginning was like, hey, where you going with this?

01:36:13.000 Exactly.

01:36:14.000 It happened to me this weekend.

01:36:17.000 I was doing a Trump joke, and I started the Trump joke, and she was like, we hate Trump here.

01:36:21.000 I was like, do you hear what I'm saying?

01:36:24.000 Do you think I'm going to do a special where I go on stage and I'm like, I loved our last president.

01:36:29.000 Like, what type of psycho would that, you know?

01:36:32.000 Right, it's not funny.

01:36:33.000 I'm not gonna go on stage and be like, I support the government.

01:36:35.000 Right, just let the bit play out, stupid.

01:36:37.000 Listen to me.

01:36:38.000 Yeah, but people are just wanting their voice to be heard, and they're not taking into consideration that you're filming something, you know?

01:36:43.000 Yeah.

01:36:44.000 And if you are, they want to be the one who gets it on recording.

01:36:47.000 Yeah, as if we're gonna keep it.

01:36:49.000 Yeah.

01:36:53.000 You live, you learn.

01:36:54.000 Yeah.

01:36:54.000 Yeah, but filming specials is a fucking harrowing experience because...

01:36:58.000 It was the only one I did.

01:36:59.000 I got done and sat in Tim's house by my...

01:37:02.000 All my friends went back to Philly in New York.

01:37:05.000 I stayed in Tim's house by myself for like two days.

01:37:07.000 I was like, damn, I'm sad.

01:37:09.000 Why are you sad?

01:37:10.000 It's like a depressing feeling.

01:37:11.000 I don't know.

01:37:11.000 I never filmed a special.

01:37:12.000 Oh, this is your first special?

01:37:13.000 That was the only thing I've ever filmed.

01:37:14.000 How long have you been doing stand-up now?

01:37:16.000 It's like 10 years, 8 years.

01:37:18.000 That's around the time to do it.

01:37:19.000 Yeah.

01:37:21.000 It's an uncomfortable feeling when you're done.

01:37:23.000 Could I have done better?

01:37:25.000 Stuff like that.

01:37:27.000 Are you happy with it?

01:37:28.000 I don't know.

01:37:28.000 I haven't seen it.

01:37:29.000 I probably won't like it.

01:37:32.000 If you had a chance to do it again, you know like Whitney was about to do a special and We were hanging out in the parking lot at the Comedy Store and she was like, you know, I'm pretty I'm confident and everything in this but you know Like what do you think and I said, you know what I think?

01:37:48.000 I think you got some amazing premises.

01:37:50.000 You're a fucking hilarious comedian and Every special that I've ever done There's always like six months before the special comes out or five months and during that time I'm still doing some of that old material and it gets better.

01:38:05.000 And I'm like fuck if I just waited three more months.

01:38:08.000 I go I think you should just wait a little because I see some of these bits you're thinking them out while you're doing them.

01:38:13.000 They're not like They're not just drilled into your DNA yet.

01:38:19.000 And sometimes bits do get...

01:38:20.000 They have a time, like a wine or a whiskey or something like that.

01:38:24.000 There's a time where it's, take it out of the barrel.

01:38:26.000 It's ready.

01:38:27.000 But if you take it out of the barrel early, they seem clunky.

01:38:31.000 I remember Louis was doing a special every year.

01:38:33.000 And I think even he realized this is not the way to do it.

01:38:37.000 They're not ready after a year.

01:38:39.000 But two years seems to be the number.

01:38:41.000 And maybe three.

01:38:43.000 Maybe three is even better.

01:38:44.000 It's tough to tell.

01:38:45.000 I don't know.

01:38:46.000 I'll see how mine...

01:38:47.000 I don't know if it was good.

01:38:49.000 I think it was good.

01:38:51.000 Yeah.

01:38:52.000 I thought it was.

01:38:53.000 It's always good to just get one out there anyway.

01:38:55.000 Yeah, and I'm doing it.

01:38:56.000 It'll probably be on YouTube.

01:38:58.000 I'll just make it myself.

01:38:59.000 Look at what Norman's doing.

01:39:00.000 Norman's fucking killed it.

01:39:02.000 Schultz killed it on YouTube.

01:39:04.000 Yeah, man.

01:39:04.000 YouTube made him.

01:39:06.000 It really did.

01:39:07.000 You know?

01:39:07.000 I mean, his special murdered on YouTube.

01:39:10.000 Schultz helped with Gillian Keeves.

01:39:11.000 Did he?

01:39:12.000 He was like a big influence, like talking to the people I was trying to make it with.

01:39:16.000 Like, yes, do it.

01:39:18.000 Because a lot of people are very like...

01:39:21.000 You don't wanna risk losing money.

01:39:24.000 It's like, if we just put our money together and make something really good, it'll pay off.

01:39:27.000 Right.

01:39:28.000 Maybe not right now, but in five years.

01:39:29.000 Yes.

01:39:30.000 It'll work.

01:39:31.000 Right.

01:39:32.000 Yeah.

01:39:32.000 And they needed to hear it from somebody who actually had that happen.

01:39:36.000 Well, he's one of the most industrious of all the young comics.

01:39:40.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:39:40.000 Absolutely.

01:39:40.000 In my opinion, he's like the best guy that took advantage of the pandemic, too, because he put out those- Yeah, him and Tim.

01:39:48.000 Him and Tim were- Yeah.

01:39:50.000 Tim's amazing, too.

01:39:51.000 Both of them.

01:39:51.000 But what he did with those sideways videos, like, turn your phone sideways, and then these wild rants, where it's like, punchline, punchline, punchline, bang, bang, bang, which is very different than his actual stand-up.

01:40:02.000 You know, where his stand-up is like, he'll hold a laugh, he'll work the room, he'll fuck around a little, he's super loose and relaxed.

01:40:09.000 But these things, he had figured out a very specific rhythm that's applicable for watching it on Instagram.

01:40:17.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:40:17.000 Genius.

01:40:19.000 One of the best.

01:40:20.000 He is.

01:40:20.000 And he's a great dude.

01:40:22.000 Great guy.

01:40:22.000 He's the man.

01:40:23.000 Great guy.

01:40:23.000 Nice guy.

01:40:24.000 All these guys are great.

01:40:25.000 Yes.

01:40:25.000 That's what's funny about it.

01:40:26.000 Yeah.

01:40:27.000 Like, you're great.

01:40:29.000 I was excited.

01:40:30.000 I was like, you know, when you meet someone famous, every once in a while they suck.

01:40:35.000 Yeah.

01:40:35.000 You were great.

01:40:37.000 Thanks.

01:40:37.000 Anyway, that's cool.

01:40:38.000 I tried to be a nice guy.

01:40:39.000 You were.

01:40:40.000 It was crazy.

01:40:41.000 You were one of the nicers.

01:40:43.000 Well, you're worried that wasn't going to be nice?

01:40:45.000 Sometimes.

01:40:46.000 Sometimes you can be crazy.

01:40:48.000 Oh, yeah.

01:40:49.000 You get to your level, people lose their fucking minds.

01:40:52.000 Yeah.

01:40:52.000 It's hard.

01:40:53.000 It's the RPMs.

01:40:54.000 It's like your hull can't take the RPMs.

01:40:56.000 It's crazy.

01:40:57.000 I mean, we went to that bar.

01:40:58.000 It filled up after like 45 minutes.

01:41:01.000 That must be crazy.

01:41:02.000 Yeah.

01:41:02.000 What was weird is like people tell people that you're somewhere.

01:41:05.000 We went to see...

01:41:06.000 What's the truth?

01:41:08.000 Never...

01:41:08.000 Nether...

01:41:09.000 Netherland?

01:41:10.000 Fuck, dude.

01:41:11.000 What are they called?

01:41:12.000 Nether Hour.

01:41:12.000 Yeah.

01:41:13.000 Nether Hour.

01:41:13.000 Really talented guys.

01:41:15.000 Yeah.

01:41:15.000 And so I called Tony.

01:41:18.000 I'm like, where you at?

01:41:19.000 And he's like, we're seeing our friend's band.

01:41:22.000 They're playing at this little bar in the east side.

01:41:25.000 No one's there.

01:41:26.000 Come on down.

01:41:27.000 So we go, fuck it.

01:41:28.000 Let's go.

01:41:28.000 So we all get in the SUV. We all head on down.

01:41:31.000 We get dropped off.

01:41:33.000 We hop out.

01:41:33.000 We go in there.

01:41:34.000 There's like 20 people in the whole place.

01:41:37.000 Max.

01:41:37.000 Within 40 minutes, there's 300 people there.

01:41:41.000 And everyone's staring at you, and they all got their phones out.

01:41:44.000 I'm like, oh, Christ.

01:41:45.000 Yeah, man.

01:41:45.000 It was weird.

01:41:46.000 And we were a little fucked up.

01:41:48.000 We were lit.

01:41:50.000 Yeah, we were fucked up.

01:41:50.000 We were lit.

01:41:51.000 The next day.

01:41:52.000 I kind of looked around.

01:41:52.000 I was like, holy shit, this place is full.

01:41:54.000 I had a pounding headache.

01:41:55.000 We just kept doing whiskey.

01:41:57.000 There was a lot of whiskey flowing around.

01:41:58.000 But I was having a good time, man.

01:41:59.000 It was fun.

01:42:00.000 It was great to meet you.

01:42:01.000 I was like, we got this ball rolling.

01:42:03.000 We're having fun.

01:42:04.000 Let's go out.

01:42:05.000 Let's go see a band.

01:42:05.000 Let's go get some food.

01:42:06.000 Let's fuck around.

01:42:07.000 It's fun watching you.

01:42:08.000 Yeah, it's fun to watch it.

01:42:10.000 It's fun to watch famous people live.

01:42:13.000 What's weird about it?

01:42:18.000 You go out, and that happens.

01:42:21.000 Like, it's just weird to see, like, you have like 45 minutes to be like, alright, I'm normal for 45 minutes out at this bar.

01:42:27.000 And then it's ruined.

01:42:28.000 You know what I mean?

01:42:29.000 It got ruined.

01:42:31.000 That's what I mean.

01:42:32.000 So there's like a small window.

01:42:33.000 People kept coming in, like, we gotta get out of here.

01:42:35.000 Can I get a picture with you?

01:42:36.000 I was just like, goddammit, dude, get out of here.

01:42:39.000 That's when it gets weird, when you can't have conversations, when everybody just wants to take a picture.

01:42:43.000 That's what I meant by like it's fun.

01:42:44.000 It's fun to watch a famous person be able to live like a human for 45 minutes.

01:42:49.000 Yeah.

01:42:50.000 Like an empty bar, we're all just friends drinking.

01:42:52.000 You could do it.

01:42:53.000 You just gotta move around a lot.

01:42:55.000 You just gotta stay at a bar for like 20 minutes and just go.

01:42:58.000 One of the only times I met Pete Davidson, he brought that, it fucked me up.

01:43:02.000 We were like, we were kind of smoking.

01:43:04.000 And he was like, yeah, being famous is cool.

01:43:07.000 I can't go outside anymore.

01:43:09.000 And I was just like, holy shit, dude.

01:43:12.000 That's crazy.

01:43:13.000 Like, you can't go outside.

01:43:14.000 You can.

01:43:15.000 You can go outside.

01:43:16.000 I go everywhere.

01:43:17.000 Yeah.

01:43:18.000 I just say hi.

01:43:19.000 Most people are nice.

01:43:21.000 I mean, I don't even just mean most.

01:43:23.000 I mean, like, almost all.

01:43:25.000 Occasionally, I'll get someone who gets weird with me, but it's really, really, really rare.

01:43:29.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:43:29.000 Most people are super friendly.

01:43:31.000 What do they get weird with you on?

01:43:33.000 These are schizophrenics, you know?

01:43:36.000 Like, I need to talk to you about some things.

01:43:38.000 I'm getting these really important messages that I have to deliver to you.

01:43:41.000 I get some schizophrenic DMs.

01:43:42.000 I get those.

01:43:43.000 There was a schizophrenic the other night at Vulcan.

01:43:45.000 Grabbed me by my shoulders, wanted to talk to me.

01:43:47.000 Like, really important.

01:43:48.000 I was getting off.

01:43:49.000 I need to talk to you about some things.

01:43:50.000 Yeah.

01:43:52.000 You should have been like, what?

01:43:54.000 Nope.

01:43:54.000 Tell me.

01:43:55.000 Can't help them.

01:43:56.000 There's a lot of nutty people out there.

01:43:57.000 I mean, they say that 1% of all people are schizophrenics, right?

01:44:02.000 That's a lot.

01:44:03.000 That's a lot.

01:44:04.000 So if you have 300 million people in this country, you have 3 million schizophrenics.

01:44:10.000 That's a lot of people.

01:44:12.000 They're out there.

01:44:12.000 They're having fun, though.

01:44:13.000 There was a guy yesterday, breaking scooters.

01:44:15.000 You know those...

01:44:16.000 Did you see that guy, Jamie?

01:44:18.000 He was breaking...

01:44:19.000 That's an honest day's work.

01:44:21.000 Yeah, he was slamming scooters and talking to himself.

01:44:24.000 I told you motherfuckers!

01:44:25.000 Now fuck that shit!

01:44:26.000 Now fuck that shit!

01:44:28.000 He was walking around after he body slammed these scooters.

01:44:32.000 At least the schizophrenics do what they're talking about.

01:44:35.000 Yeah.

01:44:35.000 You know what I mean?

01:44:36.000 Well, you know, it is.

01:44:38.000 It's just like...

01:44:39.000 He's having fun.

01:44:40.000 I think he wasn't having fun.

01:44:42.000 Give me one of those.

01:44:43.000 Thank you.

01:44:46.000 I used to...

01:44:47.000 I'm a Bud Light drinker, kids.

01:44:48.000 Yeah.

01:44:49.000 I used to work, I worked for the state, for Pennsylvania, for a little, and I would have to go around and go to like, I would investigate like state-run like homes, and a lot of them were like schizophrenic houses.

01:45:03.000 Oh no.

01:45:03.000 So you'd go in and just be, dude, something happens to schizophrenic people, they get very fat.

01:45:08.000 Really?

01:45:08.000 They all wear like, dude, every schizophrenic house I went to was like dudes in fucking full sweatsuits, chain-smoking cigarettes, just like screaming at a lady.

01:45:18.000 It was great.

01:45:19.000 Just imagine a house of Tim Dillon's.

01:45:20.000 They're like, where'd you put my fucking...

01:45:22.000 Just going nuts.

01:45:24.000 Tim's mom is schizophrenic.

01:45:26.000 He talks about it on stage.

01:45:28.000 It's fucking hilarious.

01:45:29.000 It's funny.

01:45:30.000 Yeah.

01:45:31.000 I wonder if he worries it's going to come for him.

01:45:35.000 What?

01:45:36.000 Well, as you get more and more famous, he's handling fame very well because it hit him.

01:45:41.000 He's got that crazy internet fame where it hit him over the last, I will say, three or four years.

01:45:47.000 It's ramped up pretty significantly.

01:45:52.000 You know, but he's handling it really well.

01:45:55.000 And he's getting funnier, which is amazing, because he's always been funny.

01:45:59.000 And there's no one better at those just random rants about everything and anything that's going on in life.

01:46:06.000 Did you see what happened with some car thing?

01:46:08.000 Some car rental place didn't honor his reservation?

01:46:11.000 No.

01:46:11.000 So he said they're all pedophiles, and the guy likes to fuck kids, and he's like...

01:46:17.000 What are we talking about?

01:46:18.000 He might get schizophrenic.

01:46:20.000 Oh, he's out there.

01:46:20.000 He's there, dude.

01:46:21.000 He's not schizophrenic.

01:46:23.000 He's doing comedy.

01:46:23.000 Of course, but I'm saying that's literally what you just said was the most schizophrenic thing I've ever heard.

01:46:28.000 Or?

01:46:29.000 I went to war with the fucking Enterprise and called them all pedophiles.

01:46:33.000 It was an Enterprise.

01:46:34.000 It was a small luxury rental car company.

01:46:37.000 I wonder if he still got it up on his Twitter.

01:46:39.000 They made him pull it down.

01:46:41.000 It's still up there?

01:46:42.000 Wow.

01:46:43.000 Every once in a while, Tim will do something that reminds you that he is gay.

01:46:47.000 Every once in a while?

01:46:48.000 Like what?

01:46:49.000 Like...

01:46:49.000 Alright, we're back, folks.

01:46:51.000 Young Jamie went wacky and he started spazzing out and started doing karate underneath the table and kicked some wires.

01:46:56.000 Jamie fucking freaked out and fucked up.

01:46:58.000 I was in such a good flow there.

01:47:00.000 You were so good.

01:47:01.000 That was crazy.

01:47:02.000 That's what people say when you come do this podcast.

01:47:04.000 They're like, first couple minutes you'll be nervous and then you just develop a flow.

01:47:07.000 Is that what they say?

01:47:08.000 And I think I did that nicely.

01:47:09.000 Who said that?

01:47:09.000 Norman?

01:47:10.000 Norman.

01:47:10.000 Start being gay!

01:47:12.000 Yeah, comedy.

01:47:13.000 Hey, comedy.

01:47:13.000 I'm gay.

01:47:14.000 No, I... I'll be alright.

01:47:17.000 Yeah.

01:47:17.000 Well, you're how many Bud Lights in now?

01:47:19.000 Five?

01:47:19.000 This is five.

01:47:20.000 That's a normal amount.

01:47:21.000 This is about where I take control.

01:47:23.000 Oh.

01:47:24.000 Tell me what.

01:47:24.000 Tell me what to say.

01:47:25.000 What are we talking about?

01:47:28.000 The anxiety over the shit I've said on this podcast already.

01:47:33.000 Really?

01:47:33.000 Yeah.

01:47:34.000 You haven't said anything bad.

01:47:35.000 I know.

01:47:35.000 Trust me.

01:47:36.000 Just stay off Twitter.

01:47:37.000 You've got to stop reading comments.

01:47:38.000 For sure.

01:47:39.000 You think you're going to get to a point one day where that'll be untenable and you're going to have to just not read it?

01:47:44.000 I'm getting better.

01:47:46.000 It comes and goes.

01:47:47.000 Like, I'll be like, I won't read Reddit or Twitter or all that shit.

01:47:51.000 I read Reddit.

01:47:52.000 Reddit's wild.

01:47:53.000 Reddit's wild.

01:47:53.000 Those fucking people are wild.

01:47:55.000 Well, that's the thing, because Reddit is wild.

01:47:57.000 And it's funny, though.

01:47:58.000 Yeah.

01:47:58.000 When it's not me, it's hilarious.

01:48:00.000 Well, Reddit is filled with some of the most intelligent commenters on the internet.

01:48:06.000 Yeah.

01:48:06.000 And psychopaths.

01:48:08.000 And idiots.

01:48:10.000 All mixed in together.

01:48:11.000 Yeah.

01:48:12.000 But it's very self-regulated.

01:48:13.000 But...

01:48:14.000 The thing that bums me out about Reddit is Reddit is generally uncensored, right?

01:48:19.000 Generally.

01:48:21.000 But they took out the Donald when they had that...

01:48:24.000 The Donald was great.

01:48:26.000 Yeah.

01:48:28.000 They took it out.

01:48:29.000 I think people were really concerned with...

01:48:31.000 There's a thing that was happening...

01:48:33.000 During the alt-right movement of like 2015-ish, somewhere around there, where people were realizing there's a lot of attention that can be gathered up by joining that movement and attacking the libs and calling them pussies and saying we're going to punch them in the face and all that kind of shit.

01:48:54.000 And it became like Pepe the Frog.

01:48:57.000 Pepe the Frog was funny?

01:48:58.000 Yeah.

01:48:59.000 It was funny.

01:49:00.000 It was funny.

01:49:01.000 I know it was funny.

01:49:01.000 It was funny.

01:49:02.000 Yeah.

01:49:02.000 It's still funny to me.

01:49:04.000 It's still pretty funny.

01:49:05.000 I mean, you know, Pepe the Frog all of a sudden had a Nazi outfit on, and you're like, hey!

01:49:10.000 Yeah, come on, man.

01:49:11.000 But that doesn't mean Pepe's a Nazi.

01:49:13.000 Like, the whole feels good, man, was funny.

01:49:15.000 And it was like when someone was saying something mean, you know, you'd have the Pepe the Frog crying.

01:49:21.000 Feels bad, man.

01:49:22.000 Yeah.

01:49:22.000 Like, it's funny.

01:49:24.000 But somehow or another, I got connected to...

01:49:27.000 White supremacy and all this...

01:49:29.000 That's because they're saying the worst things you can say through...

01:49:32.000 They were anonymous.

01:49:33.000 Yeah.

01:49:35.000 So...

01:49:36.000 Some people were.

01:49:37.000 It's the worst thing you could say.

01:49:38.000 Some people were.

01:49:39.000 Yeah.

01:49:39.000 And then some people were using it the right way.

01:49:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:49:42.000 Yeah.

01:49:43.000 It's, uh...

01:49:44.000 I mean, I'm a big proponent of free speech, but I'm also...

01:49:49.000 I understand that, you know, things can get out of hand with these communities.

01:49:54.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:49:54.000 They did.

01:49:54.000 A couple of times.

01:49:55.000 Yeah.

01:49:57.000 But, do you ever see the thing with Kekistan and Shia LaBeouf?

01:50:02.000 Yes!

01:50:03.000 Oh my god, dude.

01:50:04.000 We talked about it on the podcast.

01:50:05.000 That was like the beginning of it, where it was like...

01:50:08.000 We played the Radiolab podcast.

01:50:11.000 It was a Radiolab podcast.

01:50:12.000 It was brilliant.

01:50:13.000 And Radiolab took it down.

01:50:15.000 They gave in to the pressure.

01:50:17.000 And the podcast was about how brilliant these people were.

01:50:20.000 How they found it.

01:50:20.000 Yes.

01:50:21.000 They found the flag, and they went, fuck Shia LaBeou.

01:50:23.000 They were looking at the stars and flight paths.

01:50:25.000 They were like, this bird calls.

01:50:27.000 And they drove around honking the horn to try to triangulate the location so you could hear the horn honking online.

01:50:35.000 And that was funny.

01:50:36.000 It was amazing.

01:50:37.000 There's no denying that that was funny.

01:50:40.000 Editorial update.

01:50:41.000 Radiolab has decided to take down this episode.

01:50:43.000 Some listeners called us out, saying that telling the Capture the Flag story in the way that we did, we essentially condoned some pretty despicable ideology and behavior.

01:50:52.000 Do you think we just essentially condoned that?

01:50:54.000 Yes, we did.

01:50:55.000 I condoned that.

01:50:56.000 To all listeners who felt that way and to everyone else, please know that we hear you and that we take these criticisms to heart.

01:51:03.000 I feel awful that the things we said could be interpreted that way.

01:51:07.000 That's on us.

01:51:09.000 It was certainly not our intention and we apologize.

01:51:16.000 Come on.

01:51:17.000 Nonsense.

01:51:17.000 You're reporting on a fascinating thing that happened on the internet where a pretty preposterous actor who's really ridiculous, he will not divide us!

01:51:26.000 He will not divide us!

01:51:27.000 Yeah, he's freaking out.

01:51:27.000 Yeah, and he puts up this flag and they found the flag.

01:51:33.000 They found the camera.

01:51:35.000 That's just what the internet does.

01:51:36.000 Yeah.

01:51:37.000 It's beautiful in that way.

01:51:39.000 Yeah.

01:51:40.000 And what they said, they didn't condone anything.

01:51:42.000 They're reporting on people smart enough to figure out where the location of this thing is based on the goddamn stars in the sky.

01:51:50.000 Yeah.

01:51:51.000 And tracking flights and seeing it.

01:51:52.000 I mean, for those of you who don't remember this, yeah, there was just one part Shia moved his flag to just in the middle of Tennessee with like an upward camera angle at a flag.

01:52:03.000 And they just looked at the sky in the background and figured it out.

01:52:05.000 What did the flag say on it?

01:52:07.000 I think he will not divide us.

01:52:08.000 Yeah.

01:52:09.000 That was it.

01:52:10.000 He will not divide us.

01:52:11.000 This is the flag.

01:52:13.000 And then it was funny because they were all like weaponizing autism.

01:52:16.000 That's what they were saying they were doing.

01:52:17.000 They were like, he has no idea the power of autism.

01:52:20.000 Just guys, autistic dudes in their basement like...

01:52:24.000 It was fun.

01:52:25.000 They were having fun.

01:52:26.000 But I can't believe that Radiolab is owned by a corporation.

01:52:29.000 That's what it is.

01:52:31.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:52:32.000 Again, back to the SNL thing, that's exactly what it was.

01:52:34.000 The whole time I was like, I get it.

01:52:36.000 I'm going to get fired.

01:52:37.000 Yeah.

01:52:38.000 I know I am.

01:52:39.000 Yeah.

01:52:39.000 I know the rules.

01:52:41.000 When did it feel like the storm's passed?

01:52:46.000 I would say...

01:52:47.000 Right before this podcast gets released.

01:52:50.000 God damn it.

01:52:51.000 Yeah, this one...

01:52:53.000 Well, the problem is now I have to pick a side.

01:52:57.000 So me coming on here and being like, I understand why I got fired.

01:53:00.000 It's fine.

01:53:01.000 People are going to be like, fucking pussy.

01:53:03.000 No.

01:53:05.000 That's just how I feel.

01:53:06.000 That's their business model.

01:53:07.000 I understand their business.

01:53:08.000 It doesn't mean it's not gay.

01:53:11.000 But, you know.

01:53:13.000 Now you're getting double canceled by the gays.

01:53:15.000 The gays are going to be like, we liked him up until that moment.

01:53:18.000 That's the weirdest gay voice ever.

01:53:20.000 I mean, what was that?

01:53:20.000 It was like a grandma.

01:53:21.000 We liked him.

01:53:22.000 You used a white voice.

01:53:23.000 Shane's a good old man.

01:53:25.000 He's a good fella.

01:53:26.000 Oh, what's that, a cock?

01:53:28.000 Put that away before someone gets hurt.

01:53:30.000 This is a neighborhood.

01:53:31.000 Get those cocks out of here.

01:53:34.000 Comedy's incompatible with the corporate environment.

01:53:36.000 It just is.

01:53:36.000 Yeah, of course.

01:53:37.000 Always has been.

01:53:37.000 Of course.

01:53:38.000 That's why I was saying that one of the best things about all these things is you appreciate comedy.

01:53:45.000 You appreciate stand-up.

01:53:46.000 You appreciate what it takes to do stand-up.

01:53:48.000 It's a fucking wild art form.

01:53:50.000 Yeah.

01:53:52.000 Yeah, I like it.

01:53:54.000 There's not that many of us.

01:53:57.000 No, there's not.

01:53:59.000 No, there's more neurosurgeons than there are stand-ups.

01:54:06.000 Is that true?

01:54:06.000 That can't be true.

01:54:07.000 Guarantee it's true.

01:54:08.000 Well, what do you mean?

01:54:09.000 Yeah.

01:54:11.000 Guarantee it's true.

01:54:11.000 People with stand-ups in their Twitter bio?

01:54:13.000 No.

01:54:14.000 No, not those people.

01:54:15.000 There's a lot of people that claim to be stand-ups, but someone pay to see you.

01:54:19.000 Someone willing to pay to see you.

01:54:20.000 It takes a while to get there.

01:54:22.000 It's like you were saying that you're 10 years in, you're doing your first special.

01:54:25.000 I'm like, that's about right.

01:54:27.000 Because it really is a 10-year journey, and only if you work hard.

01:54:32.000 The people that sort of dabble in it, like that is one of the saddest things when you see like an open miker who you've seen for 12, 13 years and they're still an open miker.

01:54:42.000 Yeah.

01:54:42.000 And they're still struggling and bombing and they kind of go on stage once a week or something like that.

01:54:48.000 Yeah.

01:54:49.000 Tell you what, when you get canceled, those are the guys coming out of the woodworks.

01:54:53.000 They're coming out just being like, that motherfucker was mean to me at a bar once, and here's a three-paragraph thing.

01:54:59.000 He's like, I forgot about you.

01:55:00.000 What are you doing?

01:55:01.000 Yeah, well, you deserve to be mean to.

01:55:04.000 Definitely.

01:55:05.000 Yeah, there were guys that were like, he told me to quit comedy.

01:55:08.000 It's like, yeah, I was hammered.

01:55:09.000 You just bombed again.

01:55:11.000 I saw you bomb a thousand times.

01:55:13.000 Finally I was like, I wasn't mean about it.

01:55:16.000 There's some people that like, you want to tell them like, you're probably good at something.

01:55:21.000 This isn't the thing.

01:55:22.000 I had a club owner tell me that once.

01:55:25.000 Really?

01:55:25.000 First time, first club weekend I ever had.

01:55:28.000 So I was doing open mics in Harrisburg.

01:55:31.000 I had been doing open mics for about three months.

01:55:34.000 There was a local guy, he was doing a, he was doing a weekend in Pittsburgh.

01:55:39.000 At a Pittsburgh Funny Bone, I think?

01:55:41.000 In Mars, PA. So he was like, he asked the club, he was like, are there any good open micers that I can bring to open?

01:55:47.000 They suggested me.

01:55:49.000 He gave me the weekend.

01:55:50.000 I drive out there.

01:55:51.000 I invited my friends.

01:55:52.000 Because I was like, yo, we got a hotel room, dude.

01:55:54.000 We're doing it.

01:55:55.000 I brought like three of my friends from home.

01:55:57.000 We drive out there.

01:55:58.000 It was right when Four Loko came out.

01:56:01.000 Remember those drinks?

01:56:03.000 We were playing fucking drinking games all day with four locos.

01:56:07.000 Dude, I'd never done a weekend in my life.

01:56:09.000 I'd never done a club in my life.

01:56:11.000 I show up to this thing hammered.

01:56:14.000 The owner's like, our feature bailed.

01:56:18.000 How long can you do?

01:56:19.000 And I was like...

01:56:22.000 He was like, can you do 20?

01:56:23.000 And I was like, yeah.

01:56:25.000 I had three.

01:56:27.000 Obviously I had zero, but hostable three.

01:56:31.000 So I go on in this tiny hotel banquet room, just blacked out, doing 20 minutes of just...

01:56:37.000 I did so badly.

01:56:40.000 That there was a guy in the front row.

01:56:42.000 I'll never forget this.

01:56:43.000 He was wearing one of those throwback Pittsburgh Penguins jerseys.

01:56:46.000 Sitting like this the whole show.

01:56:47.000 And then finally, like 10 minutes into my set, he looked at his friends and was like, that one wasn't bad.

01:56:53.000 As soon as I... For some reason, nothing clicked that I was bombing.

01:56:57.000 I was so new.

01:56:57.000 I was like, I don't know what this is.

01:57:00.000 Finally, when somebody halfway through my set was like, yeah, that one was alright.

01:57:04.000 I was like, holy shit, how bad am I doing, dude?

01:57:07.000 Get off stage, the fucking club owner's like...

01:57:11.000 This is when I was in college.

01:57:12.000 He was like, what are you studying in school?

01:57:14.000 And I was like, history.

01:57:15.000 And he was like, you want to be a teacher?

01:57:17.000 And I was like, yeah.

01:57:18.000 He was like, you should be a teacher.

01:57:19.000 There's a lot of good things he tried to pursue.

01:57:22.000 Steer you away.

01:57:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:57:23.000 It was pretty funny.

01:57:24.000 Well, it's hard to tell when someone's young and drunk and bombing.

01:57:27.000 I should have never been up there.

01:57:28.000 Yeah.

01:57:30.000 Yeah, it happens.

01:57:31.000 I mean, it was his fault.

01:57:33.000 Because he asked you to do 20. Yeah.

01:57:35.000 What a stupid...

01:57:36.000 Well, I mean, that's how you end up running a hotel comedy club in Mars, PA. Well, you never know, too, though.

01:57:41.000 You could have actually had 20, right?

01:57:44.000 He didn't know.

01:57:45.000 Yeah, true.

01:57:46.000 Like, if he said, can you do 20, and you said, yeah, and you went up there and kind of were funny for 20. True.

01:57:51.000 True.

01:57:52.000 Yeah.

01:57:53.000 And you weren't blacked out doing Four Locals all the way.

01:57:55.000 Well, I wasn't black...

01:57:56.000 Yeah.

01:57:56.000 I did tell the story wrong.

01:57:58.000 The first night, I wasn't that bad.

01:58:01.000 The second night, there was a wedding at the hotel.

01:58:05.000 And me and my friends were like, let's crash a wedding.

01:58:07.000 It was like when wedding crashers came out.

01:58:09.000 We were like, yo, let's crash your wedding, dude.

01:58:11.000 So you just showed up at the wedding at the hotel?

01:58:12.000 We went to the Salvation Army around the corner and bought a bunch of suits.

01:58:16.000 Went to this wedding at the hotel.

01:58:18.000 Oh my god.

01:58:19.000 We're in there.

01:58:20.000 We're all hammered.

01:58:21.000 We've been drinking at the indoor pool.

01:58:23.000 We were drinking Four Locos at the indoor pool all day in Pittsburgh, just getting fucking hammered.

01:58:27.000 We go to this wedding.

01:58:29.000 We were literally taking a picture with the bride, and she was like, wait a second, who are you guys?

01:58:34.000 And then the groom tried to fight us.

01:58:37.000 They get mad.

01:58:37.000 If you crash a wedding, people don't like it.

01:58:40.000 So they were all trying to fight us, and then I had to leave to go do this show, and I bombed.

01:58:44.000 In the hotel lobby.

01:58:45.000 My fucking face was everywhere in the hotel.

01:58:48.000 The groomsmen showed up to the bar that I was performing at.

01:58:51.000 And they were like, there's that motherfucker.

01:58:53.000 While you were on stage?

01:58:54.000 After the show.

01:58:54.000 They were like, this guy's a piece of shit.

01:58:56.000 And the club owner was like, yeah, this guy is a piece of shit, dude.

01:58:58.000 This guy sucks.

01:58:59.000 Oh my god.

01:58:59.000 Yeah.

01:59:00.000 It was the first weekend I ever did.

01:59:03.000 Wasn't good.

01:59:04.000 Yeah, but they're never good.

01:59:06.000 First weekends were always a disaster.

01:59:08.000 That was about as bad as it could get.

01:59:11.000 Not as bad as it could get, but yeah.

01:59:13.000 How long had you been doing comedy at that point?

01:59:15.000 Maybe four months.

01:59:17.000 And this is once a week, maybe, at best.

01:59:20.000 I had zero, dude.

01:59:21.000 I had zero.

01:59:23.000 When did it start rolling for you?

01:59:25.000 I moved to Philly.

01:59:27.000 So I lived in central Pennsylvania and I was like kind of dabbling in it.

01:59:31.000 But there's only so much you can do.

01:59:33.000 What gave you the confidence or what made you think that you could go to Philly and make it?

01:59:39.000 I did McGoobie's, you know McGoobie's Joke House?

01:59:42.000 I won their New Comedian of the Year in 2014. And then I was like alright I can do this and then I moved to Philly.

01:59:50.000 Because Baltimore was kind of the closest city from Harrisburg.

01:59:55.000 So I'd go down to Baltimore to do stand-up, go to Philly to do stand-up.

01:59:59.000 And yeah, then I moved to Philly.

02:00:01.000 And I moved to Philly with the sole intent of doing stand-up.

02:00:08.000 I didn't move there.

02:00:09.000 I moved there with no job, none of that.

02:00:11.000 Had you graduated from college?

02:00:12.000 I did.

02:00:13.000 So you had a degree?

02:00:14.000 I had a degree in history.

02:00:15.000 Right.

02:00:16.000 Good luck with that.

02:00:16.000 Useless, yeah.

02:00:17.000 Unless you want to be a teacher.

02:00:19.000 So you just decided, I'm going to go for it.

02:00:22.000 Did you give yourself a certain amount of time?

02:00:24.000 No.

02:00:25.000 I got fired from that state job that I was doing, which was fine.

02:00:29.000 I was literally going to like...

02:00:33.000 Investigating children's crimes at state-run children's houses.

02:00:39.000 It was the most depressing job possible.

02:00:42.000 Crimes against children?

02:00:43.000 Any time an orderly would subdue a child, you'd have to go investigate it.

02:00:48.000 But then there was obviously constant abuse.

02:00:53.000 It was rough.

02:00:55.000 But anyway, it was good for stand-up.

02:00:57.000 Damn.

02:01:01.000 Yeah, moved to Philly.

02:01:03.000 Did that.

02:01:04.000 And then finally moved to New York.

02:01:05.000 Did you have a day job?

02:01:06.000 What were you doing?

02:01:07.000 I worked at a garage in Philly.

02:01:11.000 I didn't work on the cars.

02:01:12.000 I just worked to the front desk.

02:01:15.000 I had no fucking idea.

02:01:16.000 I sold cars after college.

02:01:18.000 I sold Hondas.

02:01:20.000 I have no idea how cars work at all.

02:01:22.000 Worked at a car garage.

02:01:24.000 People would be like, what's wrong with my car?

02:01:25.000 I'd be like, fucking...

02:01:27.000 You know, the thing.

02:01:28.000 Rotor.

02:01:29.000 And so what clubs are you getting up in Philly?

02:01:32.000 Helium?

02:01:33.000 Helium?

02:01:33.000 Yeah, it's a great room.

02:01:35.000 Helium's the best.

02:01:36.000 Helium, Mark Rospin's opening up a spot out here.

02:01:38.000 I heard.

02:01:39.000 Yeah.

02:01:40.000 What do you think?

02:01:40.000 You gotta fuck him up for that.

02:01:41.000 No, I'm excited.

02:01:43.000 Keep coming.

02:01:44.000 Bring them all in.

02:01:45.000 When I lived in Boston, there was five clubs on one block.

02:01:49.000 It's possible.

02:01:50.000 Yeah.

02:01:50.000 All you have to do is just have enough talent, and there's enough talent here already.

02:01:54.000 And more are coming.

02:01:57.000 This is a real unusual place, and I think it could be better.

02:02:02.000 I think this could be the hub of stand-up in the country.

02:02:05.000 I think it's totally possible.

02:02:06.000 And it could be separate, as I was saying before we started.

02:02:08.000 Separate from any other showbiz institutions that are more hesitant to take risks, right?

02:02:19.000 Like television and film.

02:02:21.000 This is connected by...

02:02:24.000 It is now a mainstream network of podcasts.

02:02:29.000 Cuz if you thought about like what mainstream mass media is podcasts were never thought of in that light because It's just even this room.

02:02:37.000 It's like just fucking two of us and Jamie You know it's like you would think that for something to reach millions and millions of people it has to be There's got to be more folks here.

02:02:46.000 Of course.

02:02:46.000 But that's not true anymore.

02:02:48.000 And because Segura's here now, and he's brought his podcast, and his wife is here, who's brilliant.

02:02:54.000 Christina Pazizka, she's hilarious.

02:02:56.000 You know, Giannis Papas is splitting his time here.

02:02:58.000 Tim is splitting his time here.

02:03:00.000 I know, Giannis is coming down.

02:03:01.000 He was here two weeks ago doing shows with us.

02:03:03.000 Brian Simpson, he's been coming down here.

02:03:06.000 Fahim's been coming down here.

02:03:08.000 There's so many comics down here now.

02:03:10.000 Yeah.

02:03:10.000 And Tony's here.

02:03:11.000 It's just like, this is a good talent pool here.

02:03:14.000 Certainly.

02:03:14.000 And there's a real enthusiastic group of up-and-comers.

02:03:18.000 Real enthusiastic.

02:03:19.000 Yeah, they moved.

02:03:21.000 Yeah.

02:03:21.000 A lot of them, there's some up-and-comers that came from LA and New York and all that.

02:03:25.000 Yeah.

02:03:26.000 I would have had the club up already.

02:03:29.000 The goal was to be up by July 4th, but we ran into some wild shit that I'll have to talk about eventually.

02:03:34.000 Yeah.

02:03:34.000 But it was a disaster.

02:03:36.000 That's alright.

02:03:37.000 Take your time.

02:03:38.000 Yeah.

02:03:38.000 Get it out.

02:03:39.000 It's all good.

02:03:40.000 I mean, younger comics should.

02:03:42.000 It is a good opportunity.

02:03:44.000 Like, if you want to move to New York or L.A. Good luck.

02:03:49.000 There's gatekeepers.

02:03:50.000 Yeah.

02:03:50.000 Right here, there's...

02:03:51.000 It's pretty good.

02:03:52.000 Here, there's escorts.

02:03:53.000 They'll help you in.

02:03:54.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:03:55.000 Because, like, that's what needs to happen.

02:03:57.000 I mean, there's a lot of these comics, like Genevieve, who went on the shows with us before.

02:04:01.000 Yeah.

02:04:01.000 David Lucas was on the shows with us.

02:04:03.000 Like, we'll help you.

02:04:05.000 Yeah.

02:04:05.000 The whole idea of comedy is, like, a lot of comics just need a little help.

02:04:10.000 They just need a little encouragement.

02:04:14.000 Camaraderie.

02:04:14.000 They need to know they're loved and accepted and they've got a place.

02:04:17.000 They've got a home.

02:04:18.000 And that's what I'm trying to do out here.

02:04:20.000 It's a good thing to do.

02:04:21.000 Yeah, I think so.

02:04:22.000 It's something I can do and it's not something a lot of people can do.

02:04:25.000 Buy a club.

02:04:26.000 Yeah, you're one of the few people that can.

02:04:28.000 And run a club with the expressed idea, intention, the expressed intention of just keeping it open.

02:04:37.000 I'm not using it as a money-making venture.

02:04:39.000 I'm just trying to keep it open.

02:04:41.000 That'll be sick.

02:04:42.000 And you'll know, obviously, what a good club should look like, so the room will be good.

02:04:46.000 Yeah.

02:04:47.000 Yeah.

02:04:48.000 I'm excited.

02:04:49.000 Yeah, that'll be sick.

02:04:49.000 Yeah, I can't wait till people start filming specials at my club.

02:04:52.000 That's gonna be exciting.

02:04:53.000 That'll be sick.

02:04:54.000 I'm gonna make that available too.

02:04:55.000 Yeah.

02:04:56.000 I just want it to be a super comfortable environment for everybody.

02:05:00.000 And also a place where you could do wild shit.

02:05:03.000 You know?

02:05:04.000 That's what I want.

02:05:05.000 That's why we all get into this.

02:05:06.000 Listen, man, I would be no one without Mitzi Shore.

02:05:10.000 And Mitzi Shore was a wild lady.

02:05:12.000 She was a wild lady.

02:05:14.000 If you want to talk about all of the people in stand-up comedy that are important, she is the most important person ever in stand-up comedy that's not a comedian.

02:05:24.000 She's number one.

02:05:26.000 Because all the other ones, whether it's Richard Pryor, or Eddie Murphy, or Dave Chappelle, or George Carlin, or Lenny Bruce, or Kinison, they're all comics.

02:05:36.000 Bill Hicks, comic.

02:05:38.000 She's non-comic.

02:05:40.000 She's a non-comedian who is one of the most important people in the history of the art form.

02:05:45.000 Because when she ran the Comedy Store, her whole thing was, yeah, the inmates are running the S.I.R., She thought it was funny that the comics were running things.

02:05:55.000 She thought it was funny that the comics would do wild shit.

02:05:58.000 She thought it was funny that they would say crazy shit.

02:06:01.000 When people would call in or they would send in complaint letters, especially if they got kicked out from heckling, that was a lot.

02:06:09.000 They would say, your comedians were rude to me.

02:06:12.000 She would read them and laugh.

02:06:14.000 That's funny.

02:06:15.000 They don't do that anymore.

02:06:16.000 She didn't give a fuck.

02:06:17.000 It was just her.

02:06:18.000 She was so eccentric.

02:06:19.000 Would you get...

02:06:23.000 Christians coming at you.

02:06:24.000 That's what everybody always tries to make the comparison.

02:06:26.000 The cancel culture now is the left.

02:06:29.000 Two decades ago, it was the right.

02:06:31.000 The Christians being like, you can't talk about sex.

02:06:33.000 You can't do that.

02:06:34.000 I never really had that.

02:06:35.000 I mean, I had a little bit where people would send letters and stuff.

02:06:38.000 It feels easier to dismiss the right.

02:06:40.000 Yeah.

02:06:41.000 You know what I mean?

02:06:42.000 They're less aggressive in their desire to stop you from doing your job.

02:06:47.000 They might not want people to go to see you, or they might not want their friends to see you, but I don't think they're trying to get you fired the way the left is now.

02:07:00.000 You know what the thing is going on with the left is, a lot of it is, They're being bullies.

02:07:07.000 And a lot of the people that are progressive, that are really open-minded, and unfortunately, there's a lot of people on the left that were bullied by assholes when they were young.

02:07:19.000 Of course.

02:07:20.000 So now they have this- I was a bully.

02:07:22.000 They have resentment.

02:07:23.000 Were you?

02:07:23.000 A serious bully?

02:07:24.000 Not like a mean one, no.

02:07:26.000 They have a serious resentment, and they want to go after the people that they think of the- Nerd rage.

02:07:32.000 Yeah.

02:07:32.000 Nerd rage, which is the most dangerous rage.

02:07:34.000 That is real.

02:07:35.000 Nerd rage is the meanest, saddest rage.

02:07:39.000 Yeah.

02:07:39.000 And they have it.

02:07:40.000 That is it.

02:07:41.000 What did you say?

02:07:42.000 Yeah.

02:07:43.000 And it's also people that they don't have a lot of love in their life.

02:07:47.000 If they do have love, it's like very conditional and it's very precarious.

02:07:53.000 Obviously, I'm making mass generalizations about huge swaths of people, but it's a personality trait that they have.

02:08:01.000 There's a thing that leads people to want to be completely uncompassionate And attack people relentlessly and try to get them fired.

02:08:09.000 Most of those people have experienced deep pain in their life.

02:08:13.000 It's that old expression, hurt people hurt people.

02:08:16.000 And that's what it is.

02:08:17.000 That's the reason why the cancel culture coming from the left is so vicious.

02:08:21.000 And the most vicious shit is coming from transgender people or gay people.

02:08:26.000 Yeah, they're all fired up.

02:08:27.000 What are they fired up about?

02:08:28.000 They've been bullied.

02:08:29.000 They've been bullied.

02:08:30.000 They're angry.

02:08:31.000 They've been picked on.

02:08:32.000 So that when something happens, they come for you.

02:08:38.000 I don't know.

02:08:38.000 The one thing I will say, like, we touched on a little bit about, like, when I was an open miker in Philly, like, I was talking shit, dude.

02:08:45.000 I was, like, mean.

02:08:47.000 Yeah.

02:08:47.000 You know what I mean?

02:08:48.000 Yeah.

02:08:49.000 And that's where I think a lot of these people that are, like, these former comedians or comedians that are, like, no, fuck them, fuck this.

02:08:57.000 I think they have that, and I've been there.

02:08:59.000 You know what I mean?

02:09:00.000 Like, I've been in that where it's, like, I'm not doing shit.

02:09:03.000 Yeah.

02:09:03.000 So I'm just sitting around like, oh, you think they're good?

02:09:05.000 They suck, actually.

02:09:07.000 Yeah.

02:09:08.000 It's just bitter.

02:09:09.000 Even established comedians.

02:09:10.000 A lot of them, dude.

02:09:11.000 A lot of things you'll see in established comedians is, if you go to see them live, like I've seen some of these established comedians on the road, and you gotta have Phil Friday night.

02:09:20.000 Yeah.

02:09:20.000 Because even though they're established, they're not selling tickets.

02:09:23.000 There's people that you know, even from television shows, that have been on sitcoms and stuff, they're not selling tickets on the road.

02:09:29.000 Yeah, imagine being like, I want to see that guy who scolds people on fucking Twitter.

02:09:33.000 Right.

02:09:34.000 Let's go see what he has to say.

02:09:35.000 Can you imagine just listening to like a frumpy white dude giving you fucking a lecture about how to be a good person?

02:09:42.000 It's exhausting.

02:09:43.000 I've had some of those fuckheads on my show before.

02:09:46.000 Yeah.

02:09:46.000 You get into these conversations when you realize like they're not thinking deeply or honestly about things at all.

02:09:53.000 No.

02:09:53.000 They're just subscribing to this pattern of thinking and behavior.

02:09:57.000 Yeah.

02:09:57.000 That they think is gonna get them, you know...

02:10:00.000 And it's hard.

02:10:00.000 It is hard to be honest.

02:10:02.000 It is hard.

02:10:03.000 It's very hard.

02:10:03.000 Yeah, it's hard.

02:10:04.000 Like, I'm struggling with it.

02:10:05.000 I'm struggling with it during this.

02:10:07.000 Yeah.

02:10:08.000 You know?

02:10:08.000 Yeah, I get it.

02:10:09.000 Because I've felt the fucking...

02:10:10.000 I have personally experienced what it's like...

02:10:14.000 When you try to be honest, and you get fucking just back.

02:10:18.000 People are like, what'd you fucking say?

02:10:19.000 Yep.

02:10:20.000 They come for you.

02:10:20.000 Yeah.

02:10:21.000 Yeah.

02:10:21.000 And it does fuck you.

02:10:22.000 That's the one thing about cancel culture that does fuck you up.

02:10:26.000 All those comments, they do fuck you up.

02:10:29.000 Yeah.

02:10:30.000 People want to be loved and accepted.

02:10:32.000 Yeah.

02:10:33.000 And even the people are like, I don't give a fuck, dude.

02:10:35.000 I'm a rebel.

02:10:36.000 They're wrong.

02:10:37.000 That's nonsense.

02:10:37.000 They're not telling the truth.

02:10:38.000 Yeah.

02:10:38.000 I've...

02:10:40.000 I have experienced it.

02:10:41.000 I've seen people who have experienced it.

02:10:43.000 I'm friends with them.

02:10:44.000 It does hurt.

02:10:46.000 It does hurt.

02:10:46.000 It is bad.

02:10:47.000 Yeah.

02:10:48.000 It's a bad thing to do to someone.

02:10:49.000 Yeah.

02:10:50.000 Yeah.

02:10:50.000 It is.

02:10:51.000 Especially when you know...

02:10:52.000 You know, everybody's been fucking so mean to me.

02:10:55.000 I'm one bloodline away from being like, Joe, thank you so much for having me.

02:10:59.000 Let's bust out the whiskey.

02:11:00.000 Let's see if we can get you to cry.

02:11:01.000 I'll take a shot.

02:11:03.000 Mm-hmm.

02:11:04.000 Okay.

02:11:06.000 Oh, we got some right here.

02:11:08.000 You're an animal.

02:11:09.000 Come on, bro.

02:11:10.000 Joey fucking rug.

02:11:13.000 Give me that there.

02:11:15.000 All right, take it easy, dude.

02:11:17.000 Come on, bro.

02:11:18.000 I am going to cry.

02:11:19.000 Not here for a long time.

02:11:20.000 I'm going to cry, dude.

02:11:22.000 Yo, YOLO? I'm going to cry on the podcast.

02:11:29.000 Damn!

02:11:31.000 That's what's up.

02:11:32.000 You know what the fuck is now, dude?

02:11:34.000 Those motherfuckers.

02:11:35.000 Fucking Laura Michaels isn't even American!

02:11:38.000 Dude, those guys will fucking talk shit on me.

02:11:41.000 Yeah, it'll all be water under the bridge.

02:11:43.000 It's actually already, right?

02:11:45.000 It really is.

02:11:46.000 I mean, no matter what I do, there's always a couple people that are gonna be like, see, I knew he was a Nazi, or like, whatever.

02:11:53.000 Yeah, those people can all eat shit, and they're all crying themselves to sleep every night.

02:11:57.000 Yeah, I mean...

02:11:58.000 They're not happy.

02:11:59.000 When people are just attacking people randomly and trying to exaggerate who that person is so that they can make them more cancelable, those are not happy people.

02:12:08.000 And I think...

02:12:10.000 Part of it is, I don't think you were here when I was telling you this story to some friends the other night that there's this guy that I'm friends with online and he runs a, I don't even know what he looks like, he runs a philosophy page and he's a really fucking smart dude and he'll send me some things sometimes about a podcast and they're like super insightful.

02:12:34.000 He's one of the rare people that I contact online that I actually listen to what he says.

02:12:40.000 And he said, you're going to have a problem with what you're doing with other people because you have a walled garden.

02:12:48.000 And he goes, and you're very close to your friends and you're very supportive of all your friends.

02:12:52.000 Yeah, we talked about this.

02:12:53.000 And people on the outside, they don't like the fact that they can't get in, and it makes them angry.

02:13:00.000 So they want to attack that walled garden.

02:13:02.000 Of course.

02:13:02.000 They want to attack these close friendships.

02:13:04.000 Because comics in general, you know, we're all...

02:13:10.000 Insecure to a certain extent, but also desiring of love and attention.

02:13:14.000 That's why we go on stage in the first place.

02:13:16.000 And we see a whole group of people that seem to be having this amazing party that you can't get into, and they're all supporting each other.

02:13:22.000 It's rare for comedy.

02:13:23.000 It's a rare thing for comedy to have this real love and acceptance amongst people that also do what we do.

02:13:30.000 But the people on the outside, man, even people that are successful, They're resentful.

02:13:36.000 It bothers them.

02:13:37.000 To be an island, to be one person alone, even if you're doing well, out there floating around.

02:13:44.000 The only people that like you are your fans.

02:13:46.000 Yeah, that's tough.

02:13:47.000 Other comics don't like you.

02:13:48.000 You don't have real comic friends.

02:13:50.000 Comics without comic friends, bro, that's a shit life.

02:13:53.000 Dude, if you...

02:13:55.000 If you didn't have your comic friends, like if you just tried to go out and what happened the other night happened and you were just by yourself, that shit would stink.

02:14:02.000 It'd be weird.

02:14:03.000 It's like every time you went out there was just a crowd.

02:14:05.000 It'd be really weird.

02:14:06.000 And you're not there with your friends fucking around being like, this is weird, right?

02:14:09.000 Yeah.

02:14:09.000 You're just by yourself like, this is fucking weird.

02:14:11.000 Or if I let it change me and all of a sudden I thought that I deserved all that, that it was normal.

02:14:17.000 You know, like, yeah, this is what people feel about me, man.

02:14:20.000 I'm affecting people, changing culture.

02:14:22.000 Yeah.

02:14:23.000 That's a slippery fucking place too.

02:14:27.000 That's a gross drug to be on, you know?

02:14:29.000 And people get on that drug too.

02:14:32.000 You know?

02:14:33.000 Yeah.

02:14:34.000 Comics without comic friends, that's a terrible life.

02:14:38.000 Because you've got to think, they're the only people that are going to understand you.

02:14:42.000 And if you have a job that you do, and you don't have the love of your peers, you don't have the love of other people that do the job you do, they don't feel like you have their back.

02:14:53.000 They feel like you're a traitor, or you're not helping, or you're not supportive.

02:15:00.000 Yeah, but that walled garden thing, that's very, very true.

02:15:03.000 Very true.

02:15:04.000 Especially with you and your guys.

02:15:05.000 That happened.

02:15:06.000 Oh, yeah.

02:15:07.000 I've seen it.

02:15:07.000 Yeah, I was probably doing a podcast and feeling like, fucking, all those guys fucking suck, dude.

02:15:12.000 Like, dude, 100%.

02:15:14.000 100% that happened.

02:15:16.000 Yeah, I'm sure.

02:15:17.000 And that's, yeah, that's...

02:15:20.000 And that's real and that makes sense.

02:15:21.000 It does make sense.

02:15:22.000 It makes sense.

02:15:23.000 And that's, again, that's why, like, if a comedian talks shit on me, which a lot of them did, a lot of them very publicly shit on me, I didn't really respond and go after them because it's like, I've been there.

02:15:34.000 Yeah.

02:15:35.000 I know exactly where you're at.

02:15:36.000 Yeah.

02:15:37.000 Where it's like, I'm going to take advantage of this moment because I'm...

02:15:41.000 Nobody good shit on me.

02:15:43.000 Not once.

02:15:44.000 Not once.

02:15:44.000 Of course.

02:15:45.000 And I met you, Louis, Chappelle, Burr, everybody.

02:15:49.000 You guys were all fucking cool.

02:15:51.000 Burr was my favorite one.

02:15:53.000 Everybody else had advice and talked.

02:15:56.000 Burr followed me at the stand.

02:15:59.000 And he watched some of my set and he was just like, ah, you're funny, you're gonna be fine.

02:16:02.000 Just walked right past me.

02:16:03.000 That's perfect.

02:16:04.000 That's his outlook on everything.

02:16:06.000 Burr is an interesting cat because he's not on really social media at all.

02:16:10.000 No, good for him.

02:16:10.000 Yeah, he doesn't really pay attention.

02:16:12.000 He's smart about it.

02:16:13.000 You know, he'll post things every now and then, but he's not reading things.

02:16:16.000 Yeah, he's posting like, he's like, the Bruins.

02:16:18.000 That's it.

02:16:18.000 That's who he is.

02:16:20.000 He's remarkable in his ability to maintain who he is in spite of this massive amount of fame that he's achieved.

02:16:29.000 Yeah.

02:16:30.000 It's really incredible.

02:16:30.000 That was like the first podcast I listened to was Bill Burr's.

02:16:34.000 And it's just, it hasn't changed.

02:16:36.000 Well, his podcast is like Tim's in a way that he's got that muscle where he can just rant.

02:16:41.000 Fucking crazy.

02:16:42.000 With no one on for hours.

02:16:43.000 You ever try to do that?

02:16:44.000 I've done a few podcasts solo.

02:16:46.000 It's not my thing.

02:16:48.000 It's hard.

02:16:49.000 I could do it with just me and Jamie.

02:16:50.000 It was just me and Jamie.

02:16:52.000 See, the way Tim Dillon does it.

02:16:53.000 It was just you and Jamie.

02:16:54.000 Like, Jamie, put this on.

02:16:55.000 Yeah.

02:16:55.000 Yo, look at that.

02:16:57.000 Exactly.

02:16:57.000 Jamie, don't...

02:16:58.000 I'd talk shit.

02:16:59.000 We'd be fucking with each other.

02:17:00.000 But like...

02:17:02.000 That's one of the things that Tim has a massive advantage.

02:17:05.000 He has his producer, Ben.

02:17:07.000 So Ben is sitting there laughing at everything he says, so he's got this one in-the-house crowd.

02:17:15.000 Which is important, because if you're doing it by yourself, you're like, is what I'm saying funny?

02:17:19.000 Right.

02:17:20.000 But that's the thing about Bill.

02:17:21.000 He's not worried about whether or not he's saying something funny or not.

02:17:24.000 He doesn't give a fuck.

02:17:25.000 Yeah, but he makes himself laugh.

02:17:26.000 Yeah.

02:17:27.000 Which is very funny.

02:17:28.000 He'll be like, I thought of this fucking guy.

02:17:29.000 Yeah.

02:17:30.000 Yeah.

02:17:31.000 It's incredible.

02:17:32.000 Yeah.

02:17:32.000 No, he's a gem.

02:17:33.000 That was maybe the worst Bill Burr impression.

02:17:34.000 It's not a good one.

02:17:35.000 It's not great.

02:17:36.000 But he's a gem.

02:17:37.000 He's a real gem.

02:17:38.000 I fucking killed myself, dude.

02:17:38.000 I fucked up.

02:17:42.000 Five, six drinks.

02:17:43.000 I fucking blew it, dude.

02:17:45.000 This is my big opportunity.

02:17:46.000 Have some more whiskey.

02:17:46.000 You'll be fine.

02:17:48.000 Yeah, I'll get confident.

02:17:49.000 It's the last thing this podcast needs.

02:17:51.000 You're not confident yet?

02:17:53.000 You should be confident.

02:17:53.000 I'm getting there.

02:17:54.000 I'm pretty good right now.

02:17:55.000 You should be.

02:17:56.000 You should be confident.

02:17:56.000 I really do want to...

02:17:59.000 I mean, that part, that SNL part was great.

02:18:02.000 There's one moment where I was like...

02:18:04.000 And then I was like, I'll just go on Joe Rogan.

02:18:06.000 And you're like, what?

02:18:08.000 I was waiting for more.

02:18:09.000 I know, I know, I know.

02:18:11.000 I should have helped you there.

02:18:12.000 Dude, you should have seen my face just like...

02:18:17.000 That was my failure as much as yours.

02:18:19.000 I thought about having you on, and I thought about me even rescheduling people, but I was like, this guy's just got to go through this.

02:18:26.000 And I also thought that perspective that you achieve through time is valuable for something like this.

02:18:33.000 You don't want to catch it on the wave.

02:18:36.000 It would have been worse than this.

02:18:40.000 It would have been me on there just like...

02:18:43.000 What happened?

02:18:44.000 Everybody's mean?

02:18:46.000 Everyone's so fucking mean.

02:18:47.000 Fuck Chrissy Teigen, that bitch.

02:18:49.000 Did she go after you?

02:18:51.000 Of course she did.

02:18:52.000 Now she's getting canceled and I'm sitting there like...

02:18:53.000 She's not just getting canceled.

02:18:55.000 She might be...

02:18:56.000 She's going through a mental breakdown.

02:18:57.000 She might be irrefutably...

02:19:01.000 What's the word?

02:19:02.000 Irreparably?

02:19:03.000 No, that's not a word.

02:19:04.000 Irreparably.

02:19:04.000 That's the word I was working for.

02:19:06.000 That's three Bud Lights and two shots of whiskey, folks.

02:19:10.000 Yes.

02:19:11.000 St. Rogie's has descended, dude.

02:19:14.000 She seems like a legitimately mentally ill person.

02:19:18.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:19:19.000 She was a model, and now she's fat.

02:19:21.000 She's fat?

02:19:22.000 No, she's not fat.

02:19:23.000 I'm fat.

02:19:23.000 She's chubby.

02:19:25.000 Wasn't she a Victoria senior?

02:19:27.000 Well, if you're fat, you can call her chubby.

02:19:28.000 True.

02:19:29.000 I don't know anything about her.

02:19:31.000 I know he's a musician.

02:19:32.000 This is how out of the loop I am?

02:19:34.000 I find out about good music from my kids.

02:19:37.000 Yeah.

02:19:38.000 But not really.

02:19:39.000 I think she was a Victoria's Secret model.

02:19:43.000 Yeah?

02:19:43.000 Toss that up.

02:19:44.000 Yes, dude.

02:19:44.000 That's her?

02:19:45.000 Okay.

02:19:47.000 And then she started dating or married John Legend, who's a hot guy.

02:19:53.000 Is he?

02:19:54.000 Yeah, he's a hot guy.

02:19:55.000 In what way?

02:19:56.000 He's just a good singer.

02:19:58.000 Also, yeah, he's good.

02:20:01.000 I don't know any of his songs.

02:20:02.000 I shouldn't be speaking on these people.

02:20:04.000 Yeah, you should.

02:20:04.000 That's the best time to talk.

02:20:07.000 60% of my diet is old hip-hop and classic rock.

02:20:12.000 That's 60% of my diet when it comes to music.

02:20:14.000 That is literally the only music there is.

02:20:17.000 Yeah, I love old school Gangstar, like Eric B and Rakim, EPMD. I love listening to shit like that.

02:20:30.000 You know what's funny, though, is when you get canceled or whatever, you get out of nowhere, there's celebrities.

02:20:37.000 Because I was fans of these people, and they just fucking crushed me.

02:20:41.000 Who crushed you?

02:20:42.000 Uh...

02:20:44.000 Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wrote an article on CNN. He was like, this motherfucker stinks.

02:20:51.000 Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?

02:20:52.000 The all-time leading scorer.

02:20:53.000 Oh my god.

02:20:55.000 I saw that.

02:20:56.000 He was in a movie with Bruce Lee.

02:20:58.000 Yeah, Kareem.

02:20:59.000 Shit on me.

02:21:00.000 Oh, Kareem.

02:21:02.000 Kaleb Kweli, he's a good rapper.

02:21:05.000 They talked about it a lot.

02:21:06.000 I worked with him this weekend.

02:21:07.000 I like Kaleb Kweli.

02:21:08.000 He went after you?

02:21:10.000 He's got a lady on his podcast that hates me.

02:21:13.000 But that happens.

02:21:15.000 He's a brilliant guy.

02:21:16.000 Yeah, he's awesome.

02:21:17.000 Tlaib is brilliant.

02:21:18.000 He really is.

02:21:18.000 He's a really good person.

02:21:20.000 When you meet him, hang out with him, he's a great guy.

02:21:22.000 And he did these shows with us this weekend.

02:21:24.000 He rapped.

02:21:25.000 It was part of the show.

02:21:26.000 And he was a surprise musical guest.

02:21:29.000 So Friday night, DJ Trauma does the set, and then people don't even know Tlaib's going on.

02:21:37.000 And then he goes on, and the place went shithouse.

02:21:39.000 Yeah, he's crushed.

02:21:40.000 It was just funny sitting back and getting crushed by people that I was like, damn, I was a fan.

02:21:45.000 Who else crushed you?

02:21:50.000 Well, think of someone.

02:21:51.000 They did.

02:21:52.000 Really?

02:21:52.000 Name one person that tweets.

02:21:54.000 They did.

02:21:56.000 I don't really pay attention to Twitter.

02:21:59.000 Comedically, yeah, there was a couple in comedy.

02:22:00.000 My diet of Twitter is about 10 to 15 minutes a day, and I'm always like, what am I doing?

02:22:06.000 And then I shut it off.

02:22:07.000 Yeah.

02:22:08.000 I'll read something and then I'll read somebody saying some wild shit and I'm like, alright, I gotta get the fuck off of you.

02:22:14.000 Yeah.

02:22:14.000 I want to take those people and put them on a podcast alone.

02:22:18.000 Yeah.

02:22:19.000 And just go over your thought process.

02:22:21.000 You know, like, what are you doing?

02:22:22.000 And what do you think when you release it?

02:22:24.000 Do you ever feel bad?

02:22:25.000 Like, once you say something, like, hurtful and attacking people.

02:22:27.000 Yeah, that was another thing.

02:22:28.000 I feel horrible after everything I say.

02:22:31.000 Everything I do and say, I'm like, who the fuck am I? Why would I say this?

02:22:36.000 And then, that was one thing, and this was a real weird moment of clarity I had while I was getting cancelled by these people that have always gone after me.

02:22:45.000 In Philly, the alt scene, we always had a problem, which was weird.

02:22:50.000 They're nerds.

02:22:51.000 They are.

02:22:51.000 They're fucking nerds.

02:22:52.000 I played football.

02:22:53.000 They hated me.

02:22:55.000 And then...

02:22:57.000 I was like laying in bed at night like really thinking about what I had said, why people were upset about it, and I was just like, I don't think they're doing this.

02:23:07.000 I genuinely was laying there.

02:23:08.000 I was like, I don't think they're laying in their bed.

02:23:10.000 Like, maybe I'm being mean to Shane.

02:23:13.000 Right.

02:23:13.000 Meanwhile, I was laying up at night like, maybe I fucked up.

02:23:16.000 Maybe these people, you know what I mean?

02:23:18.000 And that gave me some assurance of like, at least I'm second-guessing myself.

02:23:23.000 I don't think these people are second-guessing themselves at all.

02:23:25.000 They will if they have to.

02:23:26.000 And that's the thing.

02:23:27.000 You know, do you know Jamie Kilstein?

02:23:29.000 Yeah.

02:23:30.000 You know the story with him?

02:23:32.000 I've told this story a hundred times.

02:23:33.000 Yeah, I've talked to Jamie a lot.

02:23:34.000 Jamie was a super social justice warrior.

02:23:37.000 Yeah.

02:23:37.000 And he had, like, feminists on his...

02:23:40.000 Like, instead of his...

02:23:41.000 Back then, you didn't have pronouns on your Twitter bio.

02:23:44.000 Yeah, you had male feminists.

02:23:44.000 Nobody had pronouns.

02:23:45.000 They didn't have pronouns.

02:23:47.000 True.

02:23:47.000 That's new.

02:23:48.000 It's within the last two years.

02:23:49.000 How good is a he-him on a dude?

02:23:52.000 It's amazing.

02:23:53.000 It's like, what are you doing?

02:23:53.000 I'm gonna start putting that on my shit.

02:23:55.000 He, him.

02:23:56.000 If someone does that seriously, unironically, I'm like, okay.

02:24:01.000 My favorite is like, she, they.

02:24:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:24:04.000 Oh, you're mixing it up?

02:24:06.000 You're making me comply?

02:24:07.000 I have to say they if I don't say they.

02:24:09.000 If I don't say her, I'm a piece of shit, but I can say she.

02:24:13.000 What?

02:24:13.000 I'm going to say Marina Franklin.

02:24:15.000 You know Marina Franklin?

02:24:16.000 No.

02:24:17.000 New York comedian.

02:24:17.000 She's great.

02:24:18.000 She has a joke about it.

02:24:19.000 I'm going to ruin her joke.

02:24:20.000 She has a joke about it.

02:24:22.000 She's like, the they-them thing?

02:24:23.000 She's a black lady, so she's like, this makes me feel like a fucking slave.

02:24:28.000 She's like, they's going to be mad.

02:24:33.000 It's so funny.

02:24:34.000 That's perfect.

02:24:35.000 It's like, what, them?

02:24:36.000 Them down by the river.

02:24:38.000 Ah, that's hilarious.

02:24:40.000 That's very good.

02:24:41.000 That's very good.

02:24:42.000 Yeah.

02:24:43.000 It's just a way for people to be special.

02:24:47.000 They don't have to put in any extra effort.

02:24:49.000 But it's also a way, legitimately, For certain people that don't feel like they fit in to any gender, to try to have a path carved out.

02:24:59.000 If you say someone's he, him, there's certain people that don't feel like a he or a him.

02:25:05.000 They feel fucked up.

02:25:07.000 There's a fucking crazy spectrum of human beings in males and in females.

02:25:13.000 And some people, they don't want to play the game.

02:25:15.000 They're either asexual or they don't care.

02:25:18.000 They don't feel like they fit into gender norms.

02:25:20.000 Listen, when I joke around about shit, I still get it.

02:25:23.000 Oh, for sure.

02:25:24.000 I still get it.

02:25:25.000 For sure.

02:25:25.000 I couldn't imagine what it's like to be a biological male who doesn't identify with being a male, who doesn't want to be thought of as a female, and you just want to be they-them.

02:25:36.000 Can you just leave me the fuck alone?

02:25:37.000 I don't want to be a part of your reindeer games.

02:25:39.000 Yeah, but then they're on fucking Twitter.

02:25:41.000 Well, okay.

02:25:42.000 But sometimes it's not even them.

02:25:45.000 It's like other people that want to reinforce them that are the most annoying.

02:25:48.000 Of course.

02:25:49.000 Because they're just doing it for brownie points.

02:25:51.000 Of course.

02:25:51.000 Yeah.

02:25:53.000 But I get it.

02:25:55.000 Even though making fun of it, I get it.

02:25:57.000 I get it.

02:25:58.000 But I make fun of everything.

02:25:59.000 I make fun of my own children.

02:26:01.000 I get it.

02:26:02.000 I get it.

02:26:03.000 But if you tell me I can't make fun of things, or I'm a racist, or a sexist, or a homophobe, or a transphobe, I say fuck you.

02:26:11.000 Because I know what you're doing.

02:26:12.000 Yeah, fuck you.

02:26:13.000 Of course.

02:26:13.000 That's not real.

02:26:14.000 That's not real.

02:26:15.000 I make fun of everything, including myself.

02:26:18.000 I love me.

02:26:19.000 And I make fun of me.

02:26:21.000 So what?

02:26:22.000 So what are you saying?

02:26:22.000 I can't make fun of you if I love you?

02:26:24.000 I can't make fun of you, or I'm some sort of a person who's in some way demeaning or marginalizing you?

02:26:34.000 That's not true.

02:26:35.000 I'm making fun of life itself.

02:26:37.000 Life itself is a big, messy soup of crazy shit, especially being a person.

02:26:43.000 We've got billionaires flying into space for no apparent reason.

02:26:48.000 I like it, dude.

02:26:49.000 The billionaire space race.

02:26:50.000 I like it.

02:26:51.000 One's gonna die.

02:26:52.000 Yeah, it's gonna be wild.

02:26:53.000 One's gonna blow the fuck up.

02:26:55.000 50,000 feet in the sky on the way up to space.

02:26:59.000 Their wives just sitting there watching them take off like, please be a challenger.

02:27:02.000 Yeah, they're just thinking...

02:27:03.000 Give me this money, dude.

02:27:05.000 Challenger off right now, dude.

02:27:07.000 Yeah.

02:27:08.000 Right.

02:27:09.000 It's wild.

02:27:10.000 It's a weird way to die.

02:27:12.000 What, in space?

02:27:13.000 Experimental spacecraft.

02:27:14.000 That's a good way to go.

02:27:16.000 That's a fucking good way to go, dude.

02:27:18.000 I'll have a heart attack in a hotel at the Albany Funny Bones.

02:27:22.000 Some dude's gonna launch into space and be like, oh shit!

02:27:26.000 When a comic dies on the road, for us, it's a little bit like he went out on his shield.

02:27:31.000 It's a Viking funeral, dude.

02:27:32.000 You died in Rochester?

02:27:35.000 Yeah.

02:27:36.000 I think George Carlin died in Vegas at a hotel room where he's performing.

02:27:41.000 See if that's true.

02:27:41.000 I believe that's true.

02:27:43.000 That's still a little too glamorous.

02:27:44.000 I'd like to die...

02:27:46.000 The places he was performing were not that glamorous.

02:27:48.000 I hope I'm in Flint.

02:27:49.000 He was like at the Stardust and shit.

02:27:51.000 Oh, really?

02:27:51.000 One of those places.

02:27:53.000 There's something about like the New Orleans, the Orleans.

02:27:56.000 Yeah.

02:27:56.000 So he was at a hospital in LA. Alright.

02:27:59.000 Well, they probably...

02:28:00.000 The legend was so much better!

02:28:02.000 Where was he when he got before the hospital?

02:28:05.000 I said heart failure at a hospital, so...

02:28:08.000 Did he have a heart failure?

02:28:10.000 Find out if the weekend before that he was working.

02:28:14.000 How about the guys that die on stage?

02:28:16.000 You ever see those?

02:28:17.000 I was admitted earlier in the afternoon with chest pains.

02:28:19.000 Shut up.

02:28:21.000 Damn, the lore was always that he died on the road.

02:28:24.000 Like people say, you know he died in Vegas?

02:28:26.000 He was working that weekend.

02:28:27.000 He never stopped working.

02:28:29.000 He was George Carlin.

02:28:30.000 He had money in the bank.

02:28:31.000 He could've quit.

02:28:33.000 I hope I'm bombing.

02:28:34.000 I hope a lady says something.

02:28:35.000 I'm like, what'd you say, you bitch?

02:28:37.000 You just fucking grabbed your chest.

02:28:39.000 You got me!

02:28:41.000 That was a good heckle.

02:28:43.000 Just fucking died.

02:28:47.000 Man, I should have showed up fucked up.

02:28:49.000 No, we're fine, dude.

02:28:51.000 One week after his last performance in Vegas.

02:28:54.000 Alright, there you go.

02:28:55.000 I'll take it as a win.

02:28:56.000 That is a win.

02:28:57.000 That's a win.

02:28:57.000 He had one week to sit on that and be like, that show sucked.

02:29:01.000 He just feels his heart twitching every now and then.

02:29:05.000 I bet before your heart gives out, it probably gives you a few warning shots.

02:29:08.000 I bet it gives you a warning.

02:29:09.000 And like any man, you're going to be like, I'm not going to the fucking doctors.

02:29:13.000 Do you know when you're poor and you have a car and you're starting it and it goes...

02:29:17.000 Yes.

02:29:20.000 Yes.

02:29:22.000 And you know one day that it's just going to be click, click, click, click, click.

02:29:26.000 Click, click, click, click, click.

02:29:28.000 Yeah.

02:29:29.000 Yeah, definitely everybody's heart.

02:29:32.000 But, like, how else do you want to die?

02:29:34.000 I mean, maybe it would be nice to die around your family, but wouldn't that be very traumatic for them?

02:29:39.000 It's traumatic for them no matter what if you die.

02:29:43.000 But you want to be in the room?

02:29:45.000 I hope I spontaneously combust.

02:29:48.000 I hope it's a Thanksgiving dinner and I'm just like, hey, would you pass me that?

02:29:51.000 And I just burst into flames.

02:29:52.000 I was as close to my grandfather as anybody in my family.

02:29:55.000 And when he died, I remember there was part of me that was, we knew he wasn't doing well.

02:30:04.000 So it was part of me that was relieved that he wasn't in pain anymore.

02:30:08.000 But there was part of me that was, I don't want to be there.

02:30:13.000 I don't want to be there when that happens.

02:30:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:30:15.000 I watched my grandpa die.

02:30:16.000 I was in the room, and he started, like, he was laying there, and he just started, like, and they had to, like, shove a tube down his throat, and they pushed me out of the room.

02:30:26.000 Yeah.

02:30:26.000 And it was just like...

02:30:27.000 Well, it's like they know it's over, right?

02:30:29.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:30:29.000 And so they have to do whatever they can to prolong life.

02:30:31.000 Isn't that fascinating, like, how we feel about life?

02:30:34.000 Like, even if a guy's 136 years old, if he's in the hospital...

02:30:38.000 But you know what I'm saying?

02:30:40.000 Even if he's done it all, if he's in the hospital twitching, they'll get clear, clear!

02:30:46.000 Give him heroin.

02:30:48.000 Give him something wild.

02:30:50.000 Give him some heroin.

02:30:51.000 Give him a drip.

02:30:53.000 Let him do it himself.

02:30:55.000 My friend Spud, shout out Spud, shout out Billy.

02:30:59.000 Shout out to Spud.

02:31:01.000 He took Molly with me for the first time and he was like, my mom died of cancer.

02:31:06.000 I watched her get put on every drug imaginable.

02:31:11.000 He's like, bro, if they would have just gave her fucking Molly or like gave her like a one of these drugs to just, you know what I mean?

02:31:19.000 Mm-hmm.

02:31:20.000 Yeah, give her something that makes her feel really good before she goes.

02:31:23.000 Oh, you'd like this.

02:31:24.000 That night, the night we were talking about that, me and Spud, we took a couple hits of Molly, and then I ate...

02:31:32.000 See, I'd always done mushrooms, but I always did, like, a little bit.

02:31:37.000 Like, enough that, like, you'd get giggly.

02:31:40.000 It felt like weed, almost.

02:31:41.000 Right, right, right.

02:31:42.000 It felt like weed without the anxiety.

02:31:44.000 And then one night, I must have eaten, like...

02:31:47.000 7 grams.

02:31:49.000 I mean, bro.

02:31:51.000 I never did that.

02:31:53.000 It was my friend Matt's bachelor party.

02:31:55.000 We're outside.

02:31:57.000 We're at this fire.

02:31:58.000 All of a sudden, I blacked it.

02:32:00.000 Dude, I couldn't see.

02:32:01.000 I went, like, blind.

02:32:02.000 I was sitting there, I was like, I was like, yo, guys, I'm blind.

02:32:05.000 And they're like, you're alright, you're alright.

02:32:07.000 You're not supposed to do seven grams with a bunch of people around.

02:32:09.000 You were on Molly, too?

02:32:10.000 I did do a little Molly.

02:32:12.000 So you started on that.

02:32:13.000 Started on Molly.

02:32:14.000 That seems like that's a little more, too, right?

02:32:17.000 Instead of Jamie.

02:32:18.000 It was a lot.

02:32:19.000 It's like, you're precursor to that.

02:32:21.000 I haven't done drugs since.

02:32:23.000 It was that extreme.

02:32:24.000 Yeah, you're 100% right.

02:32:25.000 But it's funny the way you're describing it.

02:32:27.000 You're being, like, cautious.

02:32:28.000 Like, I was saying, That's such a crazy idea!

02:32:33.000 First of all, it's a crazy idea to do molly and mushrooms together.

02:32:37.000 Look, it was the molly.

02:32:39.000 The molly took over, somebody dropped a big ziplock bag of fucking mushrooms.

02:32:45.000 And I was just sitting there munching as many as I could.

02:32:49.000 To the point where I was having trouble swallowing them.

02:32:52.000 Dangerous.

02:32:53.000 Is it?

02:32:54.000 No.

02:32:54.000 You never really die.

02:32:57.000 But I did die.

02:32:59.000 McKenna thought there was a time...

02:33:01.000 I did die.

02:33:01.000 McKenna did...

02:33:02.000 I think he did some sort of an MAO inhibitor with mushrooms.

02:33:08.000 And it was one of the few times...

02:33:09.000 I've listened to a lot of Terrence McKenna lectures.

02:33:12.000 Really interesting.

02:33:13.000 Not really...

02:33:13.000 There weren't lectures.

02:33:15.000 It was like he gave these talks that he would do in front of a couple hundred people who travel around the country and do these.

02:33:20.000 And he gave one of them about some combination of drugs.

02:33:24.000 I'm not completely sure I remember, but I think it was an MAO inhibitor and a large dose of mushrooms together.

02:33:31.000 And he said that he could feel like his thought process, his ability to think was getting erased.

02:33:39.000 Like lines of code getting erased.

02:33:44.000 Yeah, that his ability to process thoughts and the ability to communicate was like he could watch it get erased and he was like genuinely concerned that he was never gonna come back from it.

02:33:54.000 I'm paraphrasing it.

02:33:55.000 I haven't heard that in maybe ten years.

02:33:59.000 The mushrooms thing?

02:34:00.000 Conversation, but...

02:34:01.000 Everybody talks.

02:34:01.000 My friend Matt McCusker, he's all about the mushrooms.

02:34:05.000 Shout out to Matt.

02:34:05.000 Matt, the shaman.

02:34:07.000 Matt McCusker.

02:34:08.000 He's always talking about how it's like a religious ego death.

02:34:12.000 Like he talks about the ego death.

02:34:13.000 And I'm more of a Bud Light guy.

02:34:16.000 You know, I'm like, dude, fuck, what are you talking about?

02:34:18.000 I took that amount of mushrooms fully...

02:34:22.000 Dude, I had a vision of...

02:34:25.000 I kept dying, going to heaven, seeing my dad, who's still alive...

02:34:32.000 I would be in heaven with my dad, and then I'd get brought back to life with a paramedic shining lights into my eyes like I was overdosing.

02:34:39.000 It was crazy.

02:34:41.000 I thought you'd be fired up.

02:34:43.000 Wasn't it wild?

02:34:43.000 That's pretty wild.

02:34:44.000 Wasn't it wild for you?

02:34:46.000 It is.

02:34:47.000 No, I'm trying to absorb it.

02:34:48.000 Wasn't my story wild for you?

02:34:49.000 It is.

02:34:50.000 I'm trying to absorb it.

02:34:51.000 And it was so vivid.

02:34:53.000 I stopped doing drugs.

02:34:55.000 I was like, that was an overdose.

02:34:57.000 That was an overdose that I would have had if I kept doing drugs.

02:35:01.000 I just...

02:35:02.000 I don't know.

02:35:03.000 One of the things that I think about with psychedelics is how much of the way you think normally plays a part in what you see.

02:35:11.000 And if that's the case...

02:35:12.000 But if that's the case, what is happening?

02:35:15.000 Like, what is happening?

02:35:16.000 Is it that your anxiety and your fear and all your ego is interfering with your imagination and creating these nightmare scenarios that aren't real?

02:35:29.000 Or...

02:35:30.000 Is it that the way you think about life and the way you behave and the way you treat people changes the world itself and it changes your world and it's represented in the psychedelic world that when you embrace a certain mindset and go into these psychedelic experiences and release yourself and allow whatever it is,

02:35:54.000 the DMT or the mushrooms or whatever it is to take a hold of you and take you on a journey.

02:35:59.000 Then those journeys are generally positive.

02:36:02.000 It was extremely negative.

02:36:05.000 Yeah, I wonder what that is.

02:36:07.000 Afterwards, it was great.

02:36:08.000 I woke up the next day like, bro, I gotta change a lot of things.

02:36:13.000 Right.

02:36:15.000 So that's the thing about negative ones.

02:36:17.000 They're not really negative.

02:36:18.000 No, it's just hard while you're in it.

02:36:20.000 It's just a hard lesson.

02:36:22.000 It's a hard lesson.

02:36:23.000 I think when people struggle with psychedelic experiences, or if people have legitimate mental illnesses that do psychedelics, that's never a good idea.

02:36:32.000 You know, people that are hanging on by a thread already and they eat seven bags of mushrooms.

02:36:38.000 Bro, I was staring at people.

02:36:41.000 We were outside by a campfire and I was literally, I'd be like staring at someone and they'd be like, what are you looking at?

02:36:48.000 Because their face would change.

02:36:50.000 They'd have like three heads.

02:36:51.000 I'd be like, dude, are you okay?

02:36:52.000 So that makes me think, like, what is that?

02:36:54.000 You know what's weird is we all kind of see the same things.

02:36:57.000 That's a problem.

02:36:58.000 It's like, you ever have sleep paralysis?

02:37:00.000 No, I haven't.

02:37:01.000 I had sleep paralysis one night.

02:37:04.000 And it was at the foot of my bed.

02:37:08.000 You've heard of sleep paralysis, right?

02:37:09.000 Yeah, yeah, for sure.

02:37:09.000 The foot of my bed, there's a long, spindly, shadowy figure just standing there.

02:37:15.000 And it was fully real.

02:37:16.000 It was real.

02:37:17.000 And it walked along the side of my bed, like, reaching its hand out at my face.

02:37:22.000 And I woke up, tried to fight it.

02:37:25.000 I thought it was so real that I thought it was like an intruder.

02:37:28.000 You know what I mean?

02:37:29.000 There was no part of me that was like, this is a demon.

02:37:31.000 I wonder what that is.

02:37:33.000 And then, months later, I found out about sleep paralysis.

02:37:38.000 I had never heard of it.

02:37:40.000 Googled it, and there was an image of exactly what I dreamed on the internet.

02:37:46.000 Like, I saw it.

02:37:47.000 Whoa.

02:37:47.000 And I was like, it gave me fucking chills.

02:37:49.000 Like, it's common.

02:37:51.000 And everybody sees the same thing.

02:37:53.000 Whoa!

02:37:54.000 It's crazy.

02:37:55.000 But that's what I'm saying.

02:37:56.000 What if it's real?

02:37:56.000 That goes to the mushrooms thing with the ego death or whatever all those dumb fucking hippies want to call it.

02:38:02.000 I did experience it.

02:38:04.000 Even though I'm like, ah, these fucking dumb hippies.

02:38:06.000 I literally experienced an ego death.

02:38:09.000 One of the weirdest experiences I've ever had is with 5-MeO-DMT, which is a different kind of dimethyltryptamine.

02:38:16.000 I think it has a different molecule attached to it or something.

02:38:20.000 And there's no visuals.

02:38:22.000 With regular DMT, it's like these wild, fractal, psychedelic...

02:38:27.000 Looks like a video game.

02:38:28.000 Yes, and super luminous, and then you have entities that are communicating with you, and these wild things.

02:38:34.000 I'm sorry to cut you off.

02:38:35.000 What are the entities saying?

02:38:37.000 I had a bunch of jokers the last time I did it.

02:38:39.000 Give me the finger.

02:38:39.000 They were all jesters, like with the bells.

02:38:41.000 Really?

02:38:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:38:42.000 And they're like this.

02:38:44.000 Oh no!

02:38:45.000 And it made me realize instantly, because my first thought was like, hey, fuck you!

02:38:49.000 Hey, fuck you guys!

02:38:50.000 My first instinct, like, it was all laid out in front of me.

02:38:56.000 They were saying, you take yourself too seriously.

02:38:58.000 Really?

02:38:59.000 Yeah, and I was like, oh, you're right.

02:39:01.000 Damn, I wish everybody got to see you get that high.

02:39:03.000 Get that high and be like, hey!

02:39:05.000 Fuck you!

02:39:06.000 But it was a real lesson because it's true, and it changed the way...

02:39:09.000 I mean, this was just a few years ago, the last time I did it.

02:39:11.000 I think it was two and a half-ish, three-ish years ago.

02:39:16.000 And I still think of that as, like, that made me a markably more relaxed person from that moment on.

02:39:22.000 Because I was realizing, like, there's this tension when you're worried about what people think about you, and there's, like, a If you take yourself too seriously, you don't want people to talk about you a certain way.

02:39:33.000 And whatever it was, I'm doing this experience, and I'm also in the DMT world, and there's these guys going like this.

02:39:41.000 Fuck you!

02:39:42.000 And I'm like, what?

02:39:44.000 And then I'm like, oh.

02:39:45.000 And I go like this, like, oh, I get it.

02:39:47.000 It was instantly apparent.

02:39:50.000 Because you're managing a certain level of fame, and sometimes your ego gets in the way, or your perceptions are off and you're not willing to readjust, whatever it was.

02:39:59.000 But these jesters giving me the finger, I realized exactly what it was about.

02:40:05.000 You take yourself too seriously.

02:40:06.000 I go, oh.

02:40:07.000 And then I had to examine it really briefly.

02:40:10.000 I'm like, you're right, you're right, you're right.

02:40:12.000 And they all started nodding like that.

02:40:14.000 Wow.

02:40:15.000 And then they went away.

02:40:16.000 And then they went away and it became this beautiful journey.

02:40:19.000 But it was an opportunity for me to have a bad trip.

02:40:22.000 Because, not really, not terrible.

02:40:24.000 It wasn't like demonic shit I was seeing.

02:40:26.000 I was just seeing, fuck you.

02:40:29.000 They were all giving me the finger.

02:40:31.000 I was like, oh my god, there's so many of you.

02:40:33.000 It was like fractal.

02:40:34.000 There was like, who knows how many?

02:40:37.000 There's no way I could count them.

02:40:39.000 But there was, like, a massive number of jesters giving me the finger.

02:40:43.000 And it let me know, like, that shouldn't bother you at all.

02:40:46.000 That shouldn't bother you.

02:40:47.000 You should embrace that.

02:40:48.000 You have two ways to look at that.

02:40:50.000 You could look at that, and you could be bothered by it, and you could look at that and think, that's hilarious.

02:40:53.000 If it's true.

02:40:54.000 The only reason why you'd be bothered by it is you're connected to your own self-image, and you're connected to this idea that you want to project out to all the other people.

02:41:02.000 And the jesters were right.

02:41:03.000 I was like, you're right.

02:41:05.000 It's a great lesson.

02:41:06.000 It is.

02:41:07.000 You're right!

02:41:08.000 You got a good point.

02:41:09.000 You're right.

02:41:10.000 I was like, you're right.

02:41:11.000 I don't know what to do, but you're right.

02:41:13.000 This kind of goes back to the cancel thing, but same thing with the mushroom thing I had, where there's that trauma, the jesters, whatever, however you want to describe it, but there's like, you wish you could keep it, because eventually you start to lose it again.

02:41:27.000 You forget that low point where you have that moment of like, This is what I am.

02:41:34.000 Fuck everybody.

02:41:35.000 You know what I mean?

02:41:36.000 That fucking, who gives a fuck attitude?

02:41:38.000 You do lose it.

02:41:39.000 You can.

02:41:40.000 And then you get it back.

02:41:41.000 You gotta reinforce it.

02:41:43.000 Yeah.

02:41:43.000 You know, and that's one of the good things about failure.

02:41:47.000 Like, failure forces you to reassess, and also, you can get too, like, with comedy in particular, because it's so weird.

02:41:55.000 Like, there's no director, there's no producer, it's just you.

02:41:58.000 You're writing it, and then you're producing it.

02:41:59.000 And then you're performing it in front of everybody.

02:42:02.000 And you could get lost in what you're doing.

02:42:05.000 You need a little failure.

02:42:07.000 You need a little slippage.

02:42:09.000 You need a fucked up word.

02:42:11.000 The word comes out wrong.

02:42:12.000 You stumble on your words.

02:42:14.000 Those are good, man.

02:42:15.000 They don't seem like they are at the time, but they really are good because that's the only way you're going to reignite your enthusiasm.

02:42:22.000 Yeah.

02:42:23.000 That's kind of where I'm at.

02:42:25.000 Which is like, I just started doing The Cellar, and everybody there hadn't seen me do stand-up.

02:42:31.000 So then I was able to do my best material, my old material.

02:42:35.000 I was killing it.

02:42:36.000 People were like, damn, this guy's great.

02:42:38.000 And now it's like, do I have anything else?

02:42:41.000 You know what I mean?

02:42:42.000 Yeah.

02:42:42.000 Where it's that moment of like, I gotta start trying to do new at a club that I'm just at.

02:42:49.000 Like, just film that special.

02:42:51.000 You need different places.

02:42:51.000 I gotta do new.

02:42:51.000 Different places for different things, right?

02:42:53.000 Like, if you're just doing arenas, you're not gonna write new material.

02:42:56.000 Sure.

02:42:57.000 You're just not.

02:42:57.000 It's not right.

02:42:58.000 It's just like, it's a detached sort of feeling.

02:43:01.000 Yeah.

02:43:01.000 But there's a thing that's detached about doing a top-level club, like The Cellar.

02:43:05.000 Yeah.

02:43:05.000 The Cellar's, it's an A club.

02:43:07.000 Yeah.

02:43:08.000 It's one of the best clubs in the world, and it's in Manhattan.

02:43:11.000 And everyone knows that Chris Rock goes up there occasionally.

02:43:14.000 Dave Chappelle shows up.

02:43:15.000 It's the best comics in the world.

02:43:17.000 Dave Attell's there all the time.

02:43:18.000 The best comics on earth.

02:43:20.000 So there's a pressure to a place like that that's not necessarily conducive to creativity.

02:43:26.000 It's good to do open mic nights.

02:43:28.000 It's good to do shows where no one knows you're going to be there.

02:43:31.000 It's good to do shows with small amounts of people.

02:43:34.000 You've got to think about it like training.

02:43:36.000 If you were a fighter, you don't just box.

02:43:40.000 You have to do jujitsu.

02:43:41.000 You have to wrestle.

02:43:42.000 You have to go to the strength and conditioning gym.

02:43:44.000 If you don't do those things, you won't get as good as if you did those things.

02:43:48.000 You could be a successful fighter and just work on takedown defense and punching, and you maybe get pretty far with that.

02:43:54.000 But you won't get as far as a guy who learns jujitsu and a guy who has amazing cardio.

02:43:59.000 You need more weapons in your toolbox.

02:44:01.000 And a guy who failed.

02:44:02.000 Yes.

02:44:02.000 Like we just saw.

02:44:04.000 Yes.

02:44:04.000 With Poirier.

02:44:05.000 Yes.

02:44:06.000 Wasn't that cool?

02:44:06.000 It was very cool.

02:44:07.000 But that was an unfortunate ending.

02:44:10.000 Oh, that stunk.

02:44:11.000 Because apparently that was an existing injury.

02:44:13.000 He had that ankle scanned.

02:44:16.000 He had probably kicked someone really hard in training and created a stress fracture.

02:44:20.000 And John Wayne Parr and then Eric Nixick from Extreme Couture, who's one of the top coaches in Vegas, they both put videos up on their Instagram.

02:44:32.000 And when John Wayne Parr noticed that his leg was starting to buckle in a weird way after he threw one leg kick, kicked him in the thigh.

02:44:39.000 Because he apparently had a cracked shin going in there.

02:44:42.000 And it was of concern enough that they went to the doctor and got it scanned.

02:44:48.000 Yeah.

02:44:49.000 So when you see him throw a kick, there's one where he hits the elbow, and then he goes back to sit down, and his leg just gives out on him totally.

02:44:57.000 That leg was already broken.

02:44:59.000 He's probably kicking him with a broken leg.

02:45:01.000 That's what you have to realize.

02:45:02.000 That's what kind of a savage Conor McGregor is.

02:45:04.000 He was kicking him with a broken leg.

02:45:07.000 Man.

02:45:08.000 Because he's a left-hander, right?

02:45:10.000 So his left side is the power side, so his left kick's his big kick.

02:45:14.000 And that was the kick that he was throwing, even though he had a broken shin.

02:45:18.000 Pretty wild.

02:45:19.000 That fucking...

02:45:21.000 I mean, it's insane.

02:45:22.000 It's truly insane.

02:45:23.000 He's wild.

02:45:24.000 That video we were watching of him driving around in a scooter.

02:45:27.000 Yeah.

02:45:28.000 He's so funny.

02:45:28.000 Respect.

02:45:29.000 He's so funny.

02:45:30.000 Nothing but respect for that guy.

02:45:32.000 And people are like, I did not enjoy the way people who are not MMA experts were talking about the conclusion of that fight.

02:45:40.000 And they were saying that Conor is old, Conor's done, he doesn't have the anger anymore or the drive to become a champ anymore.

02:45:50.000 Horse shit.

02:45:51.000 You people don't know anything about MMA. Let me tell you what happened.

02:45:54.000 You got a guy who went out there, guns blazing to give it his all with a pre-existing injury and he got beat by a better man.

02:46:00.000 He got beat by a guy who might have beat him anyway, but took him down.

02:46:07.000 He has a superior ground game.

02:46:09.000 Dustin beat him up.

02:46:10.000 And here's the thing that I was saying going into that fight.

02:46:13.000 Historically, and this is never an indication of what can happen in the future because people can improve, they get better.

02:46:18.000 But historically, Conor's really dangerous in the beginning of a fight.

02:46:22.000 He's not as dangerous as the fight goes on.

02:46:25.000 Dustin Poirier is dangerous for all five rounds.

02:46:28.000 And that's a big factor.

02:46:30.000 He relishes...

02:46:32.000 These combat trench warfare type fights where you're five rounds in with Dan Hooker and he'll win it in the fifth round.

02:46:42.000 That's who Dustin Poirier is.

02:46:44.000 And he's had these five round wars.

02:46:47.000 These wars with Max Holloway and Justin Gaethje.

02:46:52.000 He's had savage fights.

02:46:55.000 We're good to go.

02:47:13.000 If he dominates the first round, he's likely the favorite to win the second round.

02:47:21.000 And then he's even more of a favorite to win the third round.

02:47:24.000 But this is just based on historical moments and fights, what Conor has done, and what Dustin has done.

02:47:30.000 Conor Diaz, too, though.

02:47:33.000 Oh my god, that's next.

02:47:34.000 I remember thinking, yeah, but the second fight...

02:47:36.000 The third one's next, I guarantee you.

02:47:38.000 Yeah, it's gotta be.

02:47:39.000 That's it.

02:47:40.000 It's gotta be.

02:47:40.000 That's the fight.

02:47:41.000 You can't go right back to Dustin.

02:47:42.000 How great is Nate Diaz?

02:47:45.000 If Nate Diaz had fights with no time limit, he'd win them all.

02:47:48.000 He'd be undefeated.

02:47:49.000 That last one!

02:47:51.000 What the fuck?

02:47:52.000 Crazy.

02:47:53.000 I mean, that's my guy.

02:47:54.000 He hurts Leon Edwards in the fifth round.

02:47:56.000 He points at him.

02:47:56.000 Yeah, he's like, I got you.

02:47:58.000 He didn't care about winning.

02:47:59.000 Oh my god, I had an argument with someone.

02:48:01.000 They were like, yeah, he let Leon off the hook.

02:48:04.000 He should have gone after him.

02:48:05.000 I'm like, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

02:48:07.000 He did exactly what you're supposed to do.

02:48:09.000 Leon's not dead.

02:48:11.000 You don't just go after him.

02:48:12.000 You go after him, you run into a straight left.

02:48:14.000 Watch Pat Barry vs.

02:48:16.000 Cech Kongo, okay?

02:48:18.000 Watch Pete Sell vs.

02:48:22.000 Scott Smith.

02:48:23.000 When people go after people recklessly, they get cracked.

02:48:27.000 That just happened to Hardy this last weekend.

02:48:29.000 Well, yes, you're right.

02:48:30.000 He thought Tai Tuivasa was in trouble.

02:48:33.000 He took a misstep and he tried to charge him and he got fucking destroyed.

02:48:35.000 You gotta be super careful when you're going after people you think are hurt.

02:48:39.000 And people who don't know that, they should shut the fuck up.

02:48:42.000 How great is that?

02:48:43.000 How about his fucking...

02:48:45.000 I don't know if it was this one or the last one.

02:48:48.000 His post-fight interview where he was like, yo, house party at my house.

02:48:52.000 Dude, I was watching that.

02:48:54.000 I was like, this is the greatest dude of all time.

02:48:56.000 He's a gangster.

02:48:57.000 Well, that was one thing that really popped up that I was trying to express after the first Conor fight.

02:49:03.000 I was like, you guys have to understand.

02:49:04.000 I know you want to promote this one superstar.

02:49:08.000 You got another superstar.

02:49:09.000 He's a goddamn superstar.

02:49:11.000 When I interviewed him after he chokes out Conor McGregor, he goes, I'm not surprised, motherfuckers.

02:49:16.000 I'm not surprised, bro.

02:49:16.000 So look, I went into that.

02:49:18.000 You asked me because I was wearing a Notre Dame polo or whatever.

02:49:21.000 You're an Irish fan or whatever, and you like Conor McGregor.

02:49:24.000 I love Conor McGregor, but the Nate Diaz, the build-up to the first fight...

02:49:29.000 When Nate Diaz and Conor were doing interviews with each other, I was like, dude, Nate Diaz is the fucking man.

02:49:35.000 Because Conor was getting in everybody's fucking heads, talking all that shit, and then he tried to do it to Nate.

02:49:41.000 It didn't work.

02:49:42.000 There's one interview with CNN Business or some bullshit, where Conor's sitting there and he's like, you're skinny fat, you're like a gazelle, I'm a lion, I'll fucking tear you apart.

02:49:55.000 And Nate just goes...

02:49:56.000 No one even knows what a gazelle is, dude.

02:50:01.000 Immediately, I was like, well, that guy's gonna win, dude.

02:50:05.000 Oh, and in the same interview, Connor was like, ah, probably knock him out in the first round.

02:50:10.000 And he was like, he better.

02:50:12.000 And I was just like, oh.

02:50:14.000 It's the meanest shit talk I've ever heard in my life.

02:50:17.000 I was telling people going into that fight because it was a last minute replacement.

02:50:22.000 Someone got injured.

02:50:24.000 Dude, this interview is incredible.

02:50:28.000 I think it was Rafael Dos Anjos who was a dangerous fight for Conor.

02:50:33.000 He's like, Nate, go get her a coffee.

02:50:36.000 And Conor, did you change your approach once it got named Nate for your fight?

02:50:43.000 The only approach I change is I dug the grave a little bit wider, a little bit longer for Nate's skinny, fat, long body.

02:50:49.000 That's the only difference I made.

02:50:53.000 Nate Connors says this has been the easiest training week of his career.

02:50:58.000 Do you think he's overlooking him?

02:51:00.000 Look at the lineups.

02:51:04.000 He has fought little nobodies.

02:51:07.000 Look at my last 20 fights.

02:51:09.000 Better step it up for this one.

02:51:13.000 Connor, your response to that?

02:51:15.000 His last fight was a decision.

02:51:17.000 I bounce heads off the canvas every time.

02:51:20.000 Against a normal-sized human being.

02:51:24.000 Connor, you said at the press conference last week that you actually like Nick and Nate, as your opinion changed about that now after this week.

02:51:34.000 Eh, no.

02:51:35.000 There's no emotions in it.

02:51:36.000 I have no problem with him.

02:51:37.000 I'm gonna slap the head off him.

02:51:38.000 It's business as usual.

02:51:39.000 I'll pretty him.

02:51:42.000 And, you know, I'll let his gazelle team...

02:51:45.000 You gotta recognize him because he knows what's real.

02:51:47.000 He knows this is the real deal.

02:51:48.000 See, you know.

02:51:49.000 You know it's the real deal.

02:52:06.000 Yeah, he better hope he gets that knockout.

02:52:18.000 Better hope he gets that knockout, otherwise it's gonna be a night for him.

02:52:23.000 And Connor, if you don't get the knockout, is it a night for you?

02:52:27.000 If he's still conscious when he hits the mat, I will crush his hips and pass his guard and mount him and strangle him.

02:52:36.000 I'll strangle him.

02:52:38.000 Like a boa constrictor wrapped around his long frame.

02:52:42.000 A boa constrictor wrapping around a gazelle.

02:52:45.000 You were submitted by lames.

02:52:50.000 Yeah, that was not even that long ago.

02:52:51.000 That was like a week ago.

02:52:56.000 It's coming.

02:52:57.000 It is coming.

02:52:57.000 He goes, no one knows what a gazelle is.

02:52:59.000 This is America.

02:53:02.000 And finally, it was a pound for pound number one at the time.

02:53:04.000 Hold on, rewind that to the gazelle part.

02:53:07.000 It's all good.

02:53:08.000 Are you intimidated at all?

02:53:09.000 There's going to be a massive contingent of Irish fans just like there have been for Conor's last few fights.

02:53:14.000 Are you intimidated at all by that?

02:53:17.000 No, never.

02:53:19.000 I understand him yet, too.

02:53:21.000 I got him out there.

02:53:22.000 He's a fucking gangster.

02:53:24.000 Connor, you mentioned you buried three bodies in Vegas?

02:53:26.000 That's okay.

02:53:27.000 That line when he was like, yeah, I'll probably knock him out in the first round.

02:53:32.000 He's like, he better fucking get that knockout.

02:53:34.000 Can I just say something right now?

02:53:35.000 Right now, they should never do interviews this way.

02:53:38.000 It's the dumbest, most disconnected way.

02:53:41.000 Yeah, they're trying to provoke these guys into it.

02:53:41.000 Well, not only that, there's two guys who, I don't know if they're MMA fans, I don't know how much they know about MMA, and they have written questions on pieces of paper, and they're throwing it out at two guys who are literally about to engage in the most important fight.

02:53:54.000 Ever.

02:53:54.000 Yeah, they're laughing.

02:53:56.000 They're having fun.

02:53:57.000 These guys should be in a room somewhere, together, and they should be a skilled moderator, like a Max Kellerman-type dude, who can talk to those guys.

02:54:06.000 That's what they should have.

02:54:07.000 That's because that was 2015?

02:54:11.000 Somewhere around then?

02:54:13.000 15, 16?

02:54:14.000 Like, that fight really made MMA... It's starting to get to the point where it's treated like the NBA or the NFL. Well, the big thing...

02:54:23.000 Where they start respecting it enough to not have guys on fucking Fox Sports, whatever.

02:54:27.000 What's up, Jamie?

02:54:28.000 I got that little part.

02:54:29.000 Oh, nice.

02:54:29.000 The lamest lineup of training partners I've ever even heard of.

02:54:32.000 I'm just looking at your little frame.

02:54:34.000 Yeah.

02:54:35.000 And it just reminds me of an injured gazelle.

02:54:37.000 Yeah.

02:54:37.000 Strapped up.

02:54:38.000 People don't know what that means.

02:54:40.000 Take a top off.

02:54:40.000 I don't know what that means.

02:54:41.000 This is America.

02:54:42.000 Take a top off.

02:54:44.000 People don't know what that means.

02:54:46.000 Gazelle.

02:54:46.000 Right.

02:54:49.000 Those two guys in suits going...

02:54:52.000 Those guys talking about MMA in that context, they seem so preposterous.

02:54:57.000 With their little scorecards, like reading off the little gotcha questions.

02:55:02.000 That's old media, man.

02:55:04.000 The money interview, the CNN business or whatever that was, there's a lady asking them questions.

02:55:10.000 And it's just...

02:55:12.000 He's like, ah, Nate, we're talking money.

02:55:14.000 Get us some fucking coffee.

02:55:16.000 And Nate's just like, takes some of my coffee.

02:55:18.000 He's like, fuck this.

02:55:20.000 That's funny.

02:55:21.000 And she...

02:55:22.000 Did she know about MMA? No, definitely not.

02:55:24.000 She's talking to Connor and she's like, uh...

02:55:27.000 She's like, what's your plan?

02:55:29.000 He's like, my plan is to make $100 million.

02:55:32.000 And she's like, how are you doing right now?

02:55:35.000 And he goes, I'm steaming right along.

02:55:38.000 Steaming right along.

02:55:40.000 At the time, he was it.

02:55:41.000 Fuck it.

02:55:42.000 I remember him saying, she said, he said he wants to make $100 million.

02:55:47.000 She goes, how are you doing right now?

02:55:49.000 He goes, I'm steaming right along.

02:55:51.000 So I googled his net worth.

02:55:52.000 At the time, it was like, maybe a million.

02:55:55.000 It was just very funny to be like...

02:55:57.000 That's his confidence.

02:55:58.000 And now he is.

02:55:59.000 Now he is there.

02:56:00.000 Five years later.

02:56:01.000 Now he's worth like a half a billion dollars.

02:56:03.000 Now he's, yeah.

02:56:04.000 I knew that guy was special in 2013. I was watching him fight in England.

02:56:10.000 I reached out to him on Twitter.

02:56:12.000 We had a little Twitter back and forth in 2013. I said, I hope to be calling your fights one day in the UFC. That's awesome.

02:56:19.000 Yeah, it's documented somewhere.

02:56:21.000 Him and I going back and forth together.

02:56:23.000 Because I saw him fight online.

02:56:25.000 I was like, this kid is doing...

02:56:27.000 He's moving in a very special way.

02:56:29.000 Actually, you know what?

02:56:30.000 There's a good example of...

02:56:32.000 You know how I was talking about earlier about when you see someone say something fucked up and your instant reaction is just like, fuck them.

02:56:40.000 Right.

02:56:40.000 His post-flight interview.

02:56:42.000 Yeah.

02:56:43.000 That whole thing.

02:56:44.000 It's like, bro, he just shattered his leg.

02:56:48.000 Right.

02:56:49.000 Lost a big rubber match.

02:56:51.000 What would you be saying?

02:56:51.000 Bro, I would be scream crying.

02:56:55.000 I'd be like, you motherfucker!

02:56:57.000 The amount of pain he was in right then, too.

02:56:59.000 He was animalistically angry.

02:57:02.000 You could see him like...

02:57:03.000 And people were like, why'd you interview him?

02:57:06.000 He actually brought me over.

02:57:08.000 He goes, come on over here, let's have a podcast.

02:57:10.000 He didn't fucking break my fucking leg.

02:57:11.000 He said, come on, Joe, let's have a fucking podcast.

02:57:14.000 He asked me to sit down next to him.

02:57:17.000 I was like, how am I going to do this?

02:57:19.000 I feel like I should just get something out of him.

02:57:20.000 No, it was good.

02:57:21.000 Even if you recognize the fact that he's emotionally charged up like that, this is just him expressing himself while he was emotionally charged up.

02:57:31.000 It was truly...

02:57:32.000 He says, me and Rogan, frame this.

02:57:34.000 In the studio.

02:57:35.000 By the way, Connor, I'm framing this in the studio.

02:57:39.000 Dakota Meyer, our friend from the podcast and Great American Hero, he's got a company that does that.

02:57:46.000 Look at that fucking face.

02:57:47.000 We're framing that.

02:57:47.000 That's going to be in the studio.

02:57:49.000 What an animal.

02:57:49.000 There you go, Connor.

02:57:51.000 What a beast.

02:57:52.000 As soon as he said that, I'm like, of course I'm going to frame that.

02:57:56.000 Take that scooter down here, Connor.

02:57:58.000 Come on, man.

02:57:59.000 Let's talk.

02:58:01.000 Let's have some fun.

02:58:02.000 Come, let's do a podcast, Connor.

02:58:05.000 He's a special person.

02:58:06.000 It takes a special person to even want to fight the way he's fighting with a half a billion dollars in the bank.

02:58:13.000 He's probably literally the richest guy that ever really wanted to fight hard.

02:58:19.000 Even Floyd Mayweather, as rich as he is, and he's one of the all-time greats, if not the greatest boxer of all time, he's fighting people that have zero chance of beating him because he's smart.

02:58:30.000 Because he's like, I'm just going to make a lot of money here.

02:58:33.000 Conor is fighting Dustin Poirier.

02:58:35.000 He's fighting Cowboy Cerrone.

02:58:37.000 He's fighting Khabib Nurmagomedov while he's worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

02:58:42.000 How terrifying is that guy's responses to these things?

02:58:44.000 He's my favorite response ever.

02:58:46.000 It is the scariest.

02:58:47.000 There's nothing...

02:58:48.000 When Conor was like, I only count knockouts in my record.

02:58:52.000 And then you just see a reply from...

02:58:54.000 Khabib, it's like, I take people into deep waters and they discover themselves.

02:58:58.000 It's like, dude, what the fuck is this guy talking about?

02:59:02.000 What's scarier than a white Muslim just talking shit, dude?

02:59:05.000 I take people into deep waters and they discover themselves.

02:59:08.000 That should be the name of his book.

02:59:11.000 Dude.

02:59:11.000 That should be the title of his book.

02:59:13.000 His social media.

02:59:14.000 Khabib, today he posted a picture of him with a bunch of figs.

02:59:21.000 This is the scariest guy on earth.

02:59:24.000 He's amazing.

02:59:25.000 Look at him.

02:59:26.000 What is that?

02:59:26.000 Dates.

02:59:27.000 What does it say?

02:59:28.000 This is not even...

02:59:29.000 Oh, all the way from Dubai to USA. Thank you so much, brother.

02:59:32.000 These are my favorite dates.

02:59:35.000 These are my favorite dates.

02:59:35.000 This are my favorite dates.

02:59:38.000 Bro, he smashed everybody.

02:59:40.000 There's never been a guy like him.

02:59:41.000 That guy made it to undefeated as a world champion, and the last guy he beat was what many people thought would be his most dangerous challenge, and he almost had him in the first round and got him in the second round.

02:59:52.000 He's the greatest of all time.

02:59:53.000 That wasn't even close.

02:59:56.000 Poirier came close.

02:59:57.000 Poirier almost got him in a guillotine.

03:00:00.000 He almost got him in a guillotine.

03:00:02.000 It was just like a few adjustments, and maybe if he was less tired.

03:00:08.000 You never know.

03:00:08.000 A human's a human, but really elite grapplers, it's hard to submit them, man.

03:00:15.000 They can get out of stuff better.

03:00:17.000 Good God.

03:00:17.000 That guy's up there fucking wrestling bears in the mountains.

03:00:20.000 When he was a little kid.

03:00:23.000 There was one.

03:00:24.000 I keep bringing up these fucking UFC interviews, but there's one with him, and I think it was Max Holloway.

03:00:31.000 And Khabib's just like, you're American.

03:00:33.000 Don't talk to me about fighting.

03:00:36.000 Wow.

03:00:36.000 And it was just like...

03:00:39.000 Wow.

03:00:39.000 Terrifying, bro.

03:00:40.000 That fight never took place.

03:00:42.000 They pulled Max.

03:00:43.000 Oh, really?

03:00:43.000 Yeah, Max was cutting weight, and the New York Athletic Commission decided he was too skinny.

03:00:49.000 He couldn't make the weight.

03:00:51.000 And he's like, I could have made the weight.

03:00:53.000 He goes, yeah, it would have been hard, but I could have made the weight.

03:00:55.000 They just stepped in and decided, I don't know, man.

03:00:59.000 Of course, that's how fighting goes.

03:01:00.000 Max was, the problem was he's losing a lot of weight over a short amount of time.

03:01:05.000 But when it comes to skill level, Max is at a very, very, very high level.

03:01:10.000 Very high level.

03:01:11.000 And he's also a very good grappler.

03:01:14.000 And he's really good moving.

03:01:15.000 So if he can keep the fight going, the thing about a guy like Max Holloway is he never gets tired.

03:01:21.000 So if he can get you into the third, fourth, and fifth round, if you don't have the cardio to keep up with Max, You're fucked.

03:01:27.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:01:28.000 Because he throws crazy volume.

03:01:30.000 Like, the last fight that he had with Calvin Cater is, like, literally one of the greatest performances I've ever seen inside the Octagon against Calvin, a guy who's, like, really fucking dangerous, man.

03:01:42.000 Like, real scary guy.

03:01:45.000 No one is ever close to as scary as Khabib, though.

03:01:51.000 It's pretty scary.

03:01:52.000 While he was fighting Conor, and he was like, now we talk.

03:01:55.000 Yeah.

03:01:55.000 Come on, we're talking.

03:01:56.000 Holy shit.

03:01:57.000 Let's talk now, while he's punching him in the face.

03:01:59.000 The best thing he said during the lead-up to the Conor fight, he goes, I want to change his face.

03:02:06.000 Think about seeing that.

03:02:08.000 Like, I get upset about comments like, ah, he's not that funny.

03:02:10.000 I'm like, what'd you say?

03:02:12.000 But I'm telling you, man, you don't make...

03:02:15.000 Like, those guys all need each other.

03:02:17.000 As crazy as that sounds.

03:02:18.000 For sure.

03:02:19.000 Like, the sport needs a Khabib.

03:02:20.000 You need a guy who's so ultra-super dominant that he makes everybody else rise up.

03:02:26.000 Yeah.

03:02:26.000 They're all better because of Khabib.

03:02:28.000 Nate, Nate and Conor.

03:02:30.000 Yeah.

03:02:30.000 Nate, Nate's...

03:02:32.000 Even Khabib.

03:02:33.000 Conor needed Khabib.

03:02:34.000 He needed someone who's a no-nonsense guy.

03:02:37.000 Because he's all about all this style and all the fucking expensive watches and driving around on the rolls.

03:02:44.000 Look at us, we're half a billy.

03:02:47.000 Tree men died making this watch.

03:02:49.000 Yeah, exactly.

03:02:51.000 What a truly bad thing to say.

03:02:53.000 But meanwhile, Khabib drives a Toyota truck.

03:02:55.000 Yeah, bro.

03:02:56.000 And he lives in the same house he grew up in.

03:02:58.000 It's like that kind of a person.

03:03:01.000 He's just about hard work.

03:03:03.000 Man.

03:03:03.000 That's a wild picture, man.

03:03:05.000 It's a wild picture.

03:03:06.000 Now we talk.

03:03:08.000 That had to be a bummer getting hit by somebody being like, now you want to talk?

03:03:12.000 It was a wild fight to call, man.

03:03:14.000 Because then the melee broke out after the fight because Khabib wasn't done.

03:03:17.000 People were talking shit on the side of the cage.

03:03:20.000 He jumped all over the cage.

03:03:21.000 That's all.

03:03:21.000 Went after him.

03:03:22.000 That's a wild motherfucker, dude.

03:03:23.000 That's the craziest thing ever.

03:03:24.000 Wild.

03:03:25.000 Having a fight for four rounds with Conor McGregor and then jumping over the cage and fucking up people in the crowd.

03:03:30.000 Yeah.

03:03:32.000 He's not playing.

03:03:34.000 This isn't a game.

03:03:35.000 No, he's not.

03:03:36.000 He's ready to fight to the death.

03:03:37.000 Yeah.

03:03:37.000 There's no business.

03:03:38.000 There was no business.

03:03:39.000 Yeah.

03:03:40.000 It's funny.

03:03:41.000 Don't talk about fights.

03:03:42.000 You live in America.

03:03:43.000 Oh.

03:03:44.000 He was like, what do you know about fighting?

03:03:46.000 You're from America.

03:03:47.000 He's like, I'm from fucking Dagestan.

03:03:49.000 It's true, though.

03:03:50.000 Yeah, of course it is.

03:03:51.000 Hard places create hard people.

03:03:53.000 That's a hard motherfucker.

03:03:56.000 Kind of incredible.

03:03:58.000 People like that are so important.

03:04:00.000 Nace is the best.

03:04:00.000 He's one of the best, for sure.

03:04:02.000 Now, I don't know about the best, like, at it.

03:04:04.000 No, as a character, yeah.

03:04:06.000 Just the best guy possible.

03:04:06.000 One of the best ever.

03:04:07.000 Mm-hmm.

03:04:09.000 But all of them...

03:04:10.000 You know what?

03:04:11.000 This is why I never got into pro wrestling.

03:04:14.000 Like, these guys exist in reality.

03:04:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:04:17.000 Like, they're not scripted.

03:04:18.000 And I know people love pro wrestling, and I get it.

03:04:20.000 And I got into these whole A&E documentaries on pro wrestling recently.

03:04:24.000 Those are good.

03:04:24.000 They were really good.

03:04:25.000 I was like, oh, I get pro wrestling.

03:04:26.000 Yeah.

03:04:27.000 But for me, the real people are the fascinating ones.

03:04:31.000 Like Conor McGregor, that's who he is, man.

03:04:35.000 Dustin Poirier, that's who he is.

03:04:37.000 That's what's fascinating to me.

03:04:39.000 Francis Ngannou, talking about working in the sand mines when he was 10 years old, digging wet sand.

03:04:45.000 What the fuck, man?

03:04:48.000 Can you fucking imagine if you had to fight fucking Francis Ngannou?

03:04:55.000 Just the paralyzing fear you'd have leaving your locker room.

03:04:59.000 You're a firefighter in Cleveland.

03:05:02.000 But he's also the greatest heavyweight of all time.

03:05:04.000 Of course.

03:05:04.000 Francis fought and knocked out the greatest heavyweight of all time in Stipe Miocic.

03:05:09.000 Yeah.

03:05:10.000 It's crazy.

03:05:11.000 Francis is a...

03:05:12.000 He's like when extreme determination meets massive character developed by ruthless path in life meets great technique and discipline and hard work and superior genetics.

03:05:28.000 Like all those things collide to like this perfect specimen of a wrecking machine.

03:05:34.000 Stipe...

03:05:34.000 What happened?

03:05:37.000 I just Googled him to see what was up with it.

03:05:39.000 He's going to be in Jackass 4. Who is?

03:05:42.000 Francis Ngannou.

03:05:43.000 What?

03:05:43.000 I want you to read this quote.

03:05:45.000 Jackass 4 will feature Francis Ngannou in Nutshot scenes.

03:05:48.000 Read his quote.

03:05:49.000 They're going to let someone punch...

03:05:51.000 Francis is going to punch people in the nuts?

03:05:52.000 Yes.

03:05:54.000 No!

03:05:54.000 Oh my god, my balls hurt.

03:05:56.000 That's a crazy thing I've ever seen, man.

03:05:58.000 I had to punch somebody in the nuts.

03:06:02.000 I did it the first time, and they said, listen, man, we know you.

03:06:06.000 People know that you're the hardest puncher in the world.

03:06:08.000 It wasn't hard enough.

03:06:09.000 I was like, are you kidding me?

03:06:11.000 Like, I can hurt this guy.

03:06:13.000 Did he at least have kids or something?

03:06:18.000 Did he at least have kids or something?

03:06:20.000 He's a nice guy!

03:06:21.000 He doesn't want to destroy those nuts.

03:06:23.000 I love the fact that they are like, these dudes are such warriors that they're like, they speak in like, that's like tribal, like, did he extend his legacy yet?

03:06:33.000 Yes!

03:06:33.000 Because I'm about to end it.

03:06:34.000 Exactly!

03:06:35.000 Well, also, he's well aware of what he can do to pulverize those nuts.

03:06:40.000 Dude, that, yeah.

03:06:41.000 If he uppercuts you in the nuts, that's a wrap, kids.

03:06:43.000 If a girl, if a kid hits you in the balls.

03:06:45.000 It's not good.

03:06:45.000 You get socked by a kid?

03:06:46.000 I know a couple guys who lost a ball from sparring.

03:06:52.000 Like they didn't have a cup on or did something stupid.

03:06:54.000 One of the guys was fighting in the UFC. He got kicked in the nuts in a sparring session.

03:06:59.000 He didn't bother putting his cup on, thought he was sparring light, ruptured his testicle, lost it.

03:07:05.000 Now he's got one nut.

03:07:06.000 You've ruptured it?

03:07:07.000 Yep.

03:07:08.000 Got kicked to the part where it got pulverized.

03:07:11.000 And these are, you know, 170-pound men.

03:07:13.000 I don't know about the fucking, the strength of a testicle.

03:07:17.000 Does it get larger when you get bigger?

03:07:19.000 I don't...

03:07:20.000 But if a guy's a 170-pound man and he can crush your nuts, what does a 270-pound man do?

03:07:26.000 And a 270-pound man is the most terrifying puncher, or one of, since...

03:07:32.000 You know, in the history of the sport.

03:07:34.000 The only other guy as terrifying as him is Derrick Lewis, who they were supposed to fight, but now it looks like Derrick Lewis is going to fight Cyril Ghosn.

03:07:44.000 God.

03:07:45.000 For the interim title.

03:07:45.000 If they made Derrick Lewis, it's almost like they shouldn't have heavyweights.

03:07:49.000 Why's that?

03:07:50.000 It's so bad.

03:07:51.000 If they hit you?

03:07:52.000 Dude, it's so bad.

03:07:54.000 Like, Derrick Lewis versus Ngannou?

03:07:56.000 Yeah, it's gonna be wild.

03:07:57.000 That's bad.

03:07:58.000 We shouldn't do it.

03:08:00.000 It's like Russell Peters' dad would say, somebody's gonna get hurt real bad.

03:08:03.000 Somebody, one of those dudes is leaving bad.

03:08:06.000 But the first fight was they were both very hesitant to pull the trigger.

03:08:10.000 Yeah, because somebody's gonna die.

03:08:11.000 The repercussions are so extreme.

03:08:13.000 Because both guys have, like, super legit one-punch knockout power.

03:08:17.000 They need to let that fucking Matinho guy fight Ngannou.

03:08:20.000 Who's that?

03:08:20.000 The dude who was just swallowing everything O'Malley had?

03:08:23.000 Oh!

03:08:24.000 Chris Moutinho?

03:08:25.000 Yeah.

03:08:26.000 That kid.

03:08:27.000 That's a tough fucking kid, man.

03:08:29.000 That was crazy.

03:08:29.000 That's a tough, tough, tough kid.

03:08:31.000 That was fucking crazy.

03:08:32.000 Swallowed everything and was talking shit.

03:08:34.000 He's just getting popped, dude.

03:08:35.000 And O'Malley is a...

03:08:37.000 Sniper.

03:08:38.000 You know, O'Malley had, I believe, I don't want to misquote this, but I believe he broke two records in that fight, or came close to one record of the, over a three-round fight, the highest percentage of accuracy.

03:08:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:08:51.000 Every jab.

03:08:52.000 Yeah, I think it was in the 80% range.

03:08:56.000 Somewhere in 80% of all the shots he threw landed.

03:08:59.000 And I think he landed the most amount of strikes, which is crazy too.

03:09:03.000 That Moutinho kid, Chris Moutinho is a monster.

03:09:06.000 He's a monster.

03:09:07.000 You can't keep doing that.

03:09:09.000 No.

03:09:10.000 No, you can't.

03:09:13.000 That was it.

03:09:14.000 You were good for one on that one.

03:09:16.000 Look, he's a legend now, no matter what.

03:09:18.000 If he retired for the rest of his life, that kid's a legend.

03:09:20.000 I was really shocked they stopped that fight.

03:09:23.000 I didn't know what to say.

03:09:24.000 Ah, it was 30 seconds.

03:09:25.000 Yeah, I think it was less.

03:09:26.000 I think it was in the 20s.

03:09:28.000 But the thing is, Herb Dean is the best.

03:09:31.000 Like, if he stops a fight, I go, man, maybe he's seeing some shit I'm not seeing.

03:09:35.000 I think he knew O'Malley had to finish him for O'Malley's sake.

03:09:41.000 Like, Sean O'Malley was gonna go for the kill.

03:09:44.000 Oh, yeah.

03:09:45.000 And it was like, we don't even need to waste our fucking time on this.

03:09:47.000 I understand he went the distance, but, like, we don't need this certainly vicious knockout that is coming.

03:09:54.000 I think you're probably absolutely right.

03:09:56.000 Especially a guy like Herb who's like super considerate and really he's about protecting fighters that aren't defending themselves.

03:10:06.000 He has hands up but the thing is like O'Malley was just sliding those punches straight through those gloves, around those gloves.

03:10:15.000 He was landing head kicks, body kicks.

03:10:17.000 He was going like this.

03:10:18.000 He was dribbling.

03:10:19.000 He was pretending he was dribbling.

03:10:20.000 He was fucking around.

03:10:20.000 He was like, yo, this fight's for the Phoenix Suns.

03:10:23.000 He's amazing.

03:10:24.000 These guys are...

03:10:25.000 I love him.

03:10:26.000 Still, again, Nate Diaz, dude.

03:10:29.000 Best post-fight interview.

03:10:30.000 Oh, yeah.

03:10:31.000 I'm not surprised, motherfuckers.

03:10:32.000 I'm not surprised, motherfuckers.

03:10:33.000 It's the coolest thing you could ever hear.

03:10:36.000 Ever.

03:10:37.000 Especially after you beat the guy who was favored.

03:10:40.000 The guy.

03:10:40.000 Beat the guy.

03:10:41.000 You're bloodied.

03:10:42.000 Yeah.

03:10:44.000 Nate Diaz, you just shocked the world.

03:10:46.000 I'm not surprised, motherfucker.

03:10:48.000 It's like, dude.

03:10:50.000 How about fucking house party at my house, though?

03:10:52.000 I know.

03:10:53.000 No, he's real.

03:10:54.000 He's a guy who's never changed who he is.

03:10:56.000 You know, him and his brother are both like, wow, fitness for that.

03:10:59.000 His brother just signed to fight.

03:11:01.000 Who'd he sign to fight?

03:11:02.000 Robbie Lawler.

03:11:03.000 Robbie Lawler.

03:11:04.000 That's right.

03:11:05.000 Where at?

03:11:07.000 I don't know.

03:11:09.000 What day is that?

03:11:11.000 September?

03:11:12.000 I'm sorry, 266. September 4th.

03:11:16.000 Yeah, I don't think I'm going to be there for that one, unfortunately.

03:11:20.000 I watched Nate Diaz, Nick Diaz Brothers compilations on YouTube.

03:11:25.000 Yeah, they're amazing characters.

03:11:28.000 And they're the real deal.

03:11:29.000 Those guys do a lot of triathlons.

03:11:31.000 It's one of the reasons why they're so durable.

03:11:33.000 They're always in insane shape.

03:11:35.000 They don't get tired like everybody else gets tired.

03:11:37.000 They have insane endurance.

03:11:39.000 Like Nick, he swam back from alcohol.

03:11:44.000 This is like from the last time I talked about this was like four or five years ago.

03:11:48.000 But he swam from Alcatraz five times.

03:11:54.000 He might have done it more since then.

03:11:55.000 Because I said two once, he goes, no, five times now.

03:11:58.000 I was like, five times?

03:12:00.000 September 25th, actually.

03:12:02.000 September 25th, yeah.

03:12:03.000 I'm out of town that weekend, unfortunately.

03:12:05.000 Look at that fight.

03:12:07.000 That's a wild fight, man.

03:12:08.000 It's a five-rounder, I believe.

03:12:11.000 And he hasn't fought.

03:12:12.000 I mean, when was the last time Nick fought?

03:12:15.000 I want to say it's Anderson Silva.

03:12:17.000 That fight where he pretended to lie down.

03:12:19.000 Yeah, he kept lying down.

03:12:20.000 Yeah.

03:12:24.000 It's going to be wild.

03:12:28.000 Let's wrap this up, Shane.

03:12:29.000 Yeah, man.

03:12:30.000 I think we did more than three hours, right?

03:12:33.000 Nice.

03:12:34.000 Picked it up there.

03:12:35.000 I got my flow there.

03:12:36.000 We got a little flow.

03:12:37.000 Yeah, got a nice flow.

03:12:38.000 Tell everybody how to get a hold of you on social media.

03:12:41.000 It's at Shane M. Gillis, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, and Gillian Keeves on YouTube.

03:12:48.000 Check it out.

03:12:48.000 Gillian Caves on YouTube, legitimately the best guest show out there.

03:12:52.000 It's fucking awesome.

03:12:52.000 Thanks a lot.

03:12:53.000 It's really good.

03:12:53.000 You go for it.

03:12:54.000 It's really exciting.

03:12:56.000 I'm excited to have people here and watch it.

03:12:59.000 All right.

03:12:59.000 Bye, you fucks.

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 21, 2021

Joe Rogan Experience #1685 - Shane Gillis

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