Joe Rogan Experience #1707 - Kyle Dunnigan & Kurt Metzger
Episode Stats
Length
3 hours and 20 minutes
Words per Minute
193.60963
Summary
Comedian Kyle Dunningham joins Joe Rogan on the pod to talk about his new show, "The Fresh Prez," and what it's like to be a stand-up comedian in the late 90s and early 2000s. They also talk about how they met, how they got into comedy, and how much they're making now that they're both in their 20s. They also discuss how much money they were making at the time of this recording, and why they decided to get married. And they talk about what it was like growing up in the 80s and 90s as a kid in New York and how they ended up doing standup comedy. And they get into some of their favorite memories of each other. Joe also talks about how much he used to make as a standup comedian and how he's now making $100,000 a year, which is a lot more than he was making a few years ago. This episode was brought to you by VaynerSpeaks, a production of Native Creative, a podcast that focuses on Native Creative Podcasts and Native Creative Productions. Logo by Native Creative. Theme by Courtney DeKorte. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Hosted by John Rocha. Used w/ permission from the Native Creative Collective. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever else you re listening to this podcast, and we'll get a shoutout on the next week's episode! Thank you for listening and supporting the podcast! Logo is a big thank you! Joe Rogans is a good friend of mine and I really appreciates your support and I appreciate your support. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. -Joe Rogan is a great human being and I can t wait to see you back in the future with more of his work and I hope you enjoy this podcast and I'm looking forward to seeing you in the next episode of Joe's new show! - Thank you, Joe Rogan - and I'll see you next week! -- thank you, Cheers, Joe Joe ROGAN. XOXO. -- THE JOE ROGANS CHECK OUT THE JOGAN PODCAST AND THE JOBROGAN EPISODES -- CHECK IT OUT! CHEERS!
Transcript
00:00:06.000
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!
00:00:17.000
Some people instinctively are like, we just don't talk about that.
00:00:25.000
He says things to people who are like, oh my god.
00:00:27.000
He said something to a comedian, I would say, but like, oh my god.
00:00:56.000
You two balance each other out in a very odd way.
00:01:01.000
Sometimes it feels like we're inside each other.
00:01:11.000
And, like, the things I have gaps in, he fills up.
00:01:15.000
It does sound sexual, but I'm not being sexual.
00:01:19.000
Yeah, I mean, he's an amazing, like, joke machine, you know?
00:01:27.000
You guys are silently creating the best comedy show on the internet.
00:01:34.000
Your shit that you guys have put out, these face swaps, this fucking, the Fresh Prez, this Joe Biden sitcom, I am astonished it hasn't caught on more than it has.
00:01:45.000
It's caught on a lot, but it should be one of the biggest fucking things in the country.
00:02:00.000
You've been the one that's like, I mean, when you started promoting my stuff like three years ago, I mean, I was nowhere.
00:02:08.000
You look back on your life, I didn't realize how doomed I was until you started supporting me.
00:02:13.000
And then I was like cranking out maybe one a week, one sketch a week.
00:02:19.000
You know, even just to do that, writing sketches, a lot harder to crank out.
00:02:24.000
It's like Kyle Dunnegan 2. No, it's 1. It's 1, dude.
00:02:32.000
He also has my email, and he gets a lot of emails.
00:02:38.000
He used to forward me stuff, and it's been like a year and a half.
00:02:41.000
And I'm sure he's just like, I'm not doing this anymore.
00:02:45.000
There was an original Joe Rogan who was a real estate salesman.
00:03:00.000
I had KyleDunningham.com and then someone bought it because I dropped the ball.
00:03:15.000
But I have Kyle Dunnigan, comedy.com, which I don't like to say, like, comedy.
00:03:29.000
I used to have it, and then I just didn't pay, you know, way back when I had it.
00:03:36.000
It was taken by a guy, Kurt Metzger, gay-friendly realtor.
00:03:45.000
Well, I guess if you want to sell real estate in West Hollywood, like in a very specific five block area.
00:04:26.000
But my nephew said putting a number is really dorky.
00:04:31.000
Is the guy who has Kyle Dunnigan, does he use it?
00:04:46.000
They take your blue check if they don't agree with you.
00:04:52.000
They'll take your blue check mark if you say objectionable things.
00:04:58.000
I thought the point of it was to keep people from pretending to be you.
00:05:21.000
And all those tweets are like, he'll be like, hey, the Broncos are doing pretty good.
00:05:24.000
And then the commenter's like, murderer, murderer, murderer.
00:05:32.000
Like, you're killing it, OJ. That's what people write.
00:05:41.000
Well, when you get away with double murder, you want to stay on the DL when you make videos.
00:05:56.000
Hey, there's no reason to lose your temper when you get in a fight.
00:06:03.000
I remember I was with my girlfriend at the time.
00:06:05.000
It was 1990, I guess it was like three or four.
00:06:15.000
And we were sitting there holding hands, waiting for the verdict.
00:06:26.000
I thought you were going to say you started cheering so loud you knocked over some...
00:06:37.000
What's wrong with the volume, OJ? He's giving, like, commentary on football.
00:07:17.000
When you're not locked in, yeah, you can't do it.
00:07:25.000
You know, a lot of people, like killers, have podcasts and stuff now.
00:07:36.000
I don't think I could watch a mob movie again, like when they make a new one, and have the same...
00:07:41.000
Because you can watch these guys tell the story and it's so much better.
00:07:47.000
Michael Franchese and Sammy the Bull Gravano and a few of those mob guys.
00:07:52.000
Yeah, and they get in fights, like mob podcast fights.
00:08:01.000
They all argue about shit like you couldn't care less about.
00:08:15.000
There's a lot of them, but his is the best one.
00:08:22.000
It's kind of crazy that a guy who's murdered nine people can just have a podcast.
00:08:27.000
Don't you think he probably thinks of it like if you were talking to a soldier?
00:08:34.000
We didn't talk their kills, but he probably thinks of it that way.
00:08:43.000
But a lot of these guys, I'm not saying him because I don't know, but a lot of them, you know, they are self-serving when they tell their stories.
00:09:03.000
He gets out of jail, and then he's selling ecstasy.
00:09:15.000
Arrested for XT. I don't know if he went back in jail.
00:09:31.000
Dude, I love a lot of them where they're, like, the more, like, this movie probably is letting you know not to get involved.
00:09:41.000
One guy is saying that, like, I'm trying to explain this is not a glorifying life, and he's selling a bat.
00:09:52.000
This is the bat that I used to kill four guys in the social club.
00:09:55.000
The whole story is him hitting people with bats, and he has merch bats.
00:10:05.000
How many these mob guys have social media profiles?
00:10:12.000
All the stories are interesting, and it's stuff that you've seen for years.
00:10:16.000
History Channel has all these documentaries about mafia stuff, and none of them are as good as piecing it together from five different guys who were there.
00:10:28.000
That's the difference, is you're getting the real fucking story, you know?
00:10:36.000
I haven't had a drink since I got COVID. Was that right?
00:10:41.000
I was going to take the whole month off, but in your honor, I'll have a little sippy poo.
00:10:56.000
But yeah, I want to just make sure everyone knows.
00:11:01.000
Oh, I'll tell you what you have to watch if you watch a podcast is him talking about Steven Seagal.
00:11:19.000
I was dying when he was telling this story about how Steven Seagal, his whole career...
00:11:23.000
All the good ones, I think, were mob-funded movies.
00:11:31.000
He wanted to go to Tibet and meditate, I don't know.
00:11:33.000
And John Gotti's brother was like, let's get his ass making those movies again.
00:11:39.000
And then they started shaking him down to make more movies.
00:12:00.000
There's something suspicious that they all wear sunglasses.
00:12:07.000
Tim Dillon wears aviators, mirrored aviators like a cop in every episode.
00:12:19.000
I didn't touch any other ice, FYI. I was very...
00:12:24.000
You barely got your test results and you're already touching ice?
00:12:32.000
Wait, Joe, is it true that you treated your COVID with horse cum?
00:12:37.000
I mean, if you really love animals like I do, you owe it to yourself.
00:12:47.000
I was told to by a random person I met on the subway.
00:13:08.000
I like a little bit of ice because I don't want to drown out the flavors.
00:13:16.000
Yeah, now I got your hands on my ice because I took your glass.
00:13:34.000
I hope this is like a clip on YouTube, or a getting ice clip.
00:13:46.000
I want to toast, also make very clear that Kirk gets a lot of credit because he, in his career, hasn't gotten much credit for a lot of things.
00:14:09.000
And then a Writers Guild Award, which apparently is a good award.
00:14:19.000
We also get help from Jessica Montes and John Bush, also help with our stuff.
00:14:32.000
We were running for this sketch show, and it was Kurt's idea for this very funny song, which was, Girl, You Don't Need Makeup.
00:14:39.000
But it ended up like, maybe you should wear makeup, you know?
00:14:41.000
And I was like, oh, I want to write the music for that, you know, because I like to write music.
00:14:46.000
It was Kurt's total idea, and some writers added some stuff, but it was Kurt's idea.
00:14:55.000
So anyway, the Emmy Comedy Central, for some reason, The way the Emmy's set up, it goes to the producer and the writer of the music.
00:15:04.000
So I got the Emmy, and Kurt, who should have also got an Emmy, was totally blocked out of it.
00:15:10.000
The executive producer ended up giving him an Emmy.
00:15:19.000
It's like, if I give you an Oscar, does that count?
00:15:25.000
There was a reason for why, and I couldn't even understand it.
00:15:35.000
It was something about not incentivizing Swear to God incentivizing creative talent, but yeah, but then people are just gonna try to write songs to get it Something was probably with paying for if there's you know, I don't know I That business has to die.
00:15:53.000
I don't understand of the business Yeah, it really made no sense.
00:15:57.000
It's a blue vein corruption machine Yeah, and I there's also a Every other year they do the best original music on the Emmys.
00:16:07.000
But this year it was on FXX. So it was like a taped...
00:16:11.000
What is FXX? It's like bad FX. It's like these shows aren't good.
00:16:18.000
It's Vin Diesel's FX. Remember he's in XXX? That's XXX. All Vin Diesel.
00:16:25.000
And I very much was like, Kurt Metzger should be up here.
00:16:45.000
That's the Emmy story that he should have gotten, that he did not get.
00:16:53.000
At the time, I did, but I was like, but what are you, like...
00:17:07.000
If you're a writer and you're in the business and you're trying to get sitcom gigs and any kind of television gig or movie gig, having an Emmy is valuable.
00:17:16.000
And if he cried now a little bit, that'd be good.
00:17:21.000
That was what you thought my crying triggers would be?
00:17:28.000
A long time ago I remember talking to Louie and he was really funny and I really didn't give a shit.
00:17:36.000
That stuff doesn't necessarily lead to anything.
00:17:40.000
But what helps you a lot more is if you're clicked up with the right people.
00:17:48.000
I don't know if you know they're mostly casting the writing rooms now, so you got to be already in with like grandfathered in right old white guys Or you're not you know, I mean like there's no you couldn't be I wouldn't know how you'd be like a new Guy trying to get into it.
00:18:05.000
You mean yeah, like some diversity You would have to be like really high in like an improv scene probably Probably like a rich kid So are they, like, particularly casting things just based on diversity now?
00:18:34.000
These active producers were like, do you know any black writers?
00:18:41.000
They have to hire one because they don't want the press of, look at this writer's room.
00:18:48.000
By the way, they also don't really want black writers.
00:18:51.000
They want somebody black who also is like our sort.
00:19:12.000
The diversity push is not going to be like, ooh, more Chappelle's.
00:19:25.000
You have to say, like, they got coffee, and they talked to us.
00:19:30.000
And then they came in, and then they was terrible.
00:19:37.000
Imagine being two people not being able to do the job of one person.
00:19:44.000
If your pronouns are they, them, do you say their job still?
00:19:55.000
Do you have they apostrophe R-E when it's they're going to be there shortly?
00:20:00.000
Because I would never say, you know, here going to be there shortly, like he, like you.
00:20:13.000
He apostrophe R-E. Kurt has a lot of more info on this topic than I do.
00:20:22.000
Well, they fucked up three times in like two days.
00:20:27.000
They sent an email to all the executives that they shouldn't have said.
00:20:33.000
I don't know exactly what it was, but it was something that they didn't want the executives to know about.
00:20:50.000
When they get a gig like that, because of the fact that they're looking for diversity, and they know about that fact, oftentimes they realize, like, hey, these motherfuckers are over the rail here.
00:21:01.000
But the thing is, if you get hired for that reason...
00:21:05.000
A friend of mine would say on the channel, like, if you're hired for that reason, because you're they, well, they then did their job.
00:21:15.000
I shouldn't ever be fired if that's the reason you hired me.
00:21:18.000
Imagine this conversation if someone didn't know what the fuck we're talking about and it was like 10 years ago.
00:21:23.000
But 10 years ago, you'd be like, what the fuck are these idiots saying?
00:21:29.000
It's hard to learn it, but I find it helps if I go on TikTok and someone with clown hair Condescendingly tells it to me.
00:21:37.000
They always be like, oh my god, it's so simple.
00:21:43.000
Well, dude, have you ever gone on Libs of TikTok?
00:21:47.000
Libs of TikTok on Twitter is one of the greatest fucking accounts of all time.
00:21:52.000
They scour all these really super crazy liberal TikTok pages.
00:22:00.000
I mean, it's definitely the result of liberal parenting.
00:22:06.000
It might be like hardcore Christian parenting that forces them to be regressive.
00:22:14.000
It's like, are they all from Portland and Seattle?
00:22:19.000
Well, up there, it's like accepted and encouraged.
00:22:22.000
No, a friend of mine's from there that used to work on my podcast when I was in my old space doing it, and he's from there, and he's like, yeah, all the parents, that's like your kids in Little League, but they're like gender-bending.
00:22:38.000
Have you seen the girl who has a bunch of bracelets and her gender changes on the hour?
00:22:43.000
And she lets you know by her bracelets what her gender is.
00:22:46.000
In a condescending way, she lets you know, like, figure it out.
00:22:56.000
That's the out-of-line thing is the part of, like, now this may change in an hour.
00:23:00.000
That one you're talking about specifically, it may change during the next hour.
00:23:05.000
Years ago, I was listening to a Radiolab podcast about this person who was gender fluid and they were treating it like it's the rarest ailment of all time.
00:23:16.000
And this was only like maybe five or six years ago.
00:23:20.000
I remember driving on the way to work listening to this person and they were like, okay, now I'm Sam.
00:23:35.000
But they were trying to take it seriously, and they were trying to explain, like, imagine being this person that has this issue.
00:23:44.000
All I'm hearing is this, like, super needy weirdo who is just making up the fact that they become a boy or a girl randomly back and forth throughout the day, and we're just taking it seriously.
00:23:55.000
Like, this person should have a really difficult job.
00:23:59.000
What they really need is something that's, like, hard to do, where they have to think about it and concentrate, although very highly competitive.
00:24:07.000
No, so that they don't fill their life up with this bullshit.
00:24:13.000
All day long, you're going back and forth from being a male and a female.
00:24:21.000
What's the thing that makes you a woman if you're nice?
00:24:31.000
It's one thing if you're trans, so you feel like a woman.
00:24:38.000
If you're going back and forth all day long, this is indulgent.
00:24:49.000
Imagine me saying this and there's someone out there that really does go back and forth.
00:24:55.000
I just feel like if that's happening, You can't be on Twitter like, acting like this is, hey Twitter world, I'm a girl now.
00:25:06.000
Imagine if he did, he was like, there's only one way to get out of this.
00:25:11.000
That's how she got out of killing that person with her car.
00:25:27.000
I wonder what would happen now, because there it was very new, if that car crashed.
00:25:36.000
She slammed into the first and then slammed into the second.
00:25:45.000
Yeah, he's gone, so you don't have to worry about it.
00:25:54.000
Well, running from the paparazzi, I think, was the story, wasn't it?
00:26:09.000
Trying to catch up with paparazzi is what happens.
00:26:12.000
It was like they stopped and she wasn't looking.
00:26:15.000
They were going after Drake and they said, let me get in on this.
00:26:21.000
Yeah, the car crash, I had never seen it until he showed it to me.
00:26:25.000
What's crazy is like a month later, she's on ESPN winning Athlete of the Year.
00:26:31.000
Well, it was Athlete of the Year, and then some magazine gave her Woman of the Year.
00:26:38.000
I mean, Chappelle has a fucking brilliant bit about that.
00:26:43.000
I don't want to give it up because it's going to be on a special.
00:26:52.000
Douglas Murray, who's this British intellectual, genius guy, he said every civilization that's falling apart in the dying days of civilization, they become obsessed with gender.
00:27:05.000
They become obsessed with gender swapping and men dressing up like women and women dressing up like men.
00:27:18.000
I believe what he said was it has something to do with excess and indulgence and too much prosperity and that people just start looking for conflicts that don't exist.
00:27:28.000
They start looking for just weird ways to be non-conformist, weird ways to get attention.
00:27:34.000
Yeah, that makes sense because it's a sign of a really good society.
00:27:39.000
You have so much time to even worry about exactly how you feel hour to hour.
00:27:45.000
Yeah, but on the other hand, throughout history, people have felt trans.
00:27:49.000
People have felt like they're in the wrong body.
00:27:56.000
When a bunch of people are chasing that trend is what he means?
00:28:00.000
Well, it's when society embraces that trend to the point where it becomes something to strive for.
00:28:05.000
Like, if you do that and you lean towards that, you will get an immense amount of positive attention publicly.
00:28:15.000
When I graduated, I was probably 95, but that was when the tunnel and the limelight and all those clubs were in New York.
00:28:21.000
And I remember the change from where people throwing around the F word of gay to where it was cool.
00:28:29.000
And people that were not at all gay were faking it because they go to these clubs.
00:28:41.000
He's on an episode of the Club Kid episode of Donahue.
00:28:47.000
Yeah, and he ended up dying of like a speedball or something.
00:28:52.000
And it was like a party thing where it was, you know, the people were like, you're not a lesbian.
00:28:57.000
I just remember that shift where it was like hip.
00:29:01.000
Yeah, but that's because there was like a club scene that was making it cool.
00:29:04.000
You know, I don't know how, I'm assuming around the rest of the country it wasn't necessarily like that.
00:29:07.000
Well, it's interesting how people will follow trends, even if those trends look ridiculous.
00:29:13.000
Rob Halford, lead singer of Judas Priest, who's a fucking animal, right?
00:29:17.000
Amazing singer, just a fucking incredible rock star, gay as fuck.
00:29:22.000
And Rob Halford convinced all these guys that were into metal back then to dress up like a guy would go to a leather bar.
00:29:30.000
So, like, his style of, like, leather hats and open leather vests with no shirt on and leather pants, like, these guys all started dressing.
00:29:39.000
Straight guys started dressing like gay guys who'd go to leather bars.
00:29:58.000
We have to just, to be a society, we have to have groups.
00:30:06.000
But then, what's happening now, it's like everyone's getting their very, very specific thing they feel.
00:30:12.000
And we need to, like, have some folder where we put a bunch.
00:30:20.000
I don't know how many boxes there needs to be, but there seems like we're getting to a point, like this woman who every hour changes her gender.
00:30:27.000
That seems like you've got to jump into one of the boxes.
00:30:36.000
Assuming she doesn't get surgery, I imagine that's a phase.
00:30:40.000
Yeah, but the girl will watch him with the bracelets.
00:30:46.000
Yeah, like, I don't see that one getting into the real world now.
00:30:50.000
I didn't see a lot of other shit getting into the real world, so I could be wrong.
00:30:53.000
She's going to be a Fox News mother when she's 50. Yeah?
00:30:57.000
Yeah, because that's like a following of a band.
00:31:04.000
She's like, everybody was trying to be hardcore.
00:31:13.000
You know, like punk was in when I was in high school.
00:31:17.000
You're a part of the new wave of kids coming up.
00:31:26.000
I think it was just look, like be part of a scene and look cool.
00:31:33.000
But the other thing is, the people that do it, they'll oftentimes discriminate against people who assume traditional gender roles.
00:31:44.000
In the real world, like you were talking about the they that screwed up.
00:31:50.000
Like, I'm curious, like, from that, that's the height of ridiculous, but it's like kids on TikTok.
00:31:54.000
In the real world, what's the level of, what level of ridiculous actually comes out, you know?
00:32:06.000
Because that seems like it'll be a real phased out trend with the bracelet girl.
00:32:12.000
Because if corporations continue to gravitate towards wokeness, That might be something that like helps you in the corporate world.
00:32:25.000
People were making fun of they's and them's just five, six years ago.
00:32:31.000
And now it's like people have that in their pronouns in their bio on their Twitter page.
00:33:00.000
This is the most probably Americans have ever studied pronouns.
00:33:08.000
Yeah, what if there's a university course you could take on gender pronouns?
00:33:15.000
It's literally like 20 different ways you can say ZZER. I'm not even sure what ZZER is, but I saw the list.
00:33:24.000
The crazy thing is it's compelled in a lot of places.
00:33:42.000
Card grew up in scope during the protest movements of 2020. These days, many of its more than two million pages are...
00:33:50.000
This is an article from the New York Times talking about neo-pronouns.
00:34:24.000
One in five Americans have non-binary pronouns?
00:34:29.000
Well, you know someone if you follow libs of TikTok.
00:34:35.000
Yeah, I don't know anyone that has a they-them, but I'm a 54-year-old man.
00:34:54.000
I'm not quite sure how to explain that to anybody.
00:34:57.000
A neopronoun can also be a so-called noun self pronoun in which a pre-existing word is drafted into use as a pronoun.
00:35:24.000
That word, looking at that word looks so crazy.
00:35:30.000
I know, but when you see noun self, you're like, what in the fuck are we doing?
00:35:36.000
So your pronouns can be bun, bun self, and kitten, kitten self.
00:35:54.000
Or even just common slang like in it, in its, in itself.
00:35:58.000
Well, my in itself says, so hey, are you going to take in itself to the movies tonight?
00:36:10.000
They need to work in a coal mine making the metal that you need for cell phones.
00:36:14.000
You need to work right next to the African kids that are digging Coltrane out of a fucking mountain.
00:36:26.000
They need to be in West Virginia in the middle of a fucking coal mine hanging out with those meth heads.
00:36:32.000
Some of this could be a troll, but that's kind of fun that they mention that.
00:36:39.000
For those unfamiliar with the culture surrounding neopronouns right now, it's likely impossible to distinguish between what's playful, what's deeply meaningful, and what's people being mean.
00:37:03.000
It's people looking to be special when they don't have anything that separates them from the herd.
00:37:08.000
You know, there's nothing about you that's special, so you decide you're a kitten self.
00:37:13.000
I think, Joe, your clown makeup is where you have the chance to...
00:37:21.000
Well, you were telling me about this fucking clown.
00:37:25.000
You were telling me where we were having espresso.
00:37:27.000
Yeah, we were having espresso talking about the great French clowns.
00:37:33.000
The guy who's the number one clown in the world.
00:37:42.000
He's such a master clown, he no longer needs a nose.
00:37:45.000
Do you slowly take away, like your shoes get shorter as you get better?
00:37:56.000
But it's very like Montreal, I mean, wait, I don't remember his name.
00:38:17.000
I know how to turn it off because it happens a lot.
00:38:36.000
There's a BBC thing of, like, the master of clowns.
00:38:43.000
Now, see how they have the nose hung around their neck like a medallion?
00:38:48.000
Oh, Jesus Christ, look at these fucking people.
00:38:54.000
Someone should do a documentary on what takes place.
00:39:08.000
It's a really delicate balance, but I am a really delicate guy.
00:39:16.000
He's taught some of the world's top performers, including Emma Thompson, even Sacha Baron Cohen.
00:39:25.000
He himself is someone who is very entertaining as a teacher.
00:39:32.000
So he entertains us for the full five hours each day of the workshop.
00:39:45.000
Can you show me a video of him doing clown stuff?
00:39:49.000
You drop pencil, you go to pick it up, but you kick it forward, then you pick up the pencil.
00:40:23.000
There's one called The Master of Clowns, or The Clown Master, and it's better because it shows the people getting torn down.
00:40:33.000
They just finished their presentation and he's like Gordon Ramsay trashing their...
00:40:42.000
I see people use it as memes when you put bread by your head and you have to say they're an idiot sandwich.
00:40:51.000
He'd put bread on this chick's head and he goes, what are you?
00:41:01.000
It's the only way to get attention, though, if you're going to do one of those shows.
00:41:09.000
Yeah, why did Ellen get such a hard time for her Simon Cowell?
00:41:18.000
It's like when you're pretending to be a nice person and then offstage you're horrible to the people that work for you.
00:41:36.000
He kind of takes on a role at the center of the audience and gives them a voice.
00:41:41.000
So if there's a tiny bit of laughter, he won't say, oh, it's all right.
00:42:01.000
Have you ever felt guilty about something that you've said to someone?
00:42:06.000
If you want to discover your clown, you have to hear the audience and when they laugh, it's me.
00:42:14.000
When they don't laugh, your clown is not close to your body.
00:42:19.000
I need to see this guy do clown stuff because right now I'm just hearing clown theory from him.
00:42:26.000
It's like someone teaching a stand-up comedy class and you don't see their set, which is like often the case.
00:42:35.000
Many times, not all the time, many times they are run by the worst fucking comics that have ever lived.
00:42:55.000
Every like 90s stand-up thing I would see, Comedy Central, I would see him pop up.
00:43:00.000
When you say it, it's funny because I'm sure he showed his set to the class a lot.
00:43:05.000
I'm sure there's also people showing their set, like, this is how you do it.
00:43:09.000
It's like when you date an actress and she shows you her reel.
00:43:21.000
But it's much better than if you're over a friend's house and it's a guy and he shows you his reel.
00:43:38.000
Dude, I knew a guy that would bring girls home, this was years ago, and his room was right by the living room, so they'd go in his room, and you would hear first his reel.
00:43:55.000
And she'd be like, oh my god, you were on Law& Order for real?
00:44:01.000
No, there's nothing like that on the real thing.
00:44:03.000
It's just funny to hear, like, that's such a, it's such an actors and such.
00:44:07.000
Yeah, like, you know, I guess I've never dated an actress now, but I think about it.
00:44:11.000
Well, it's such a mentally ill profession because you go in there, right?
00:44:15.000
If they weren't mentally ill when they started acting, they become mentally ill through this whole audition process.
00:44:22.000
Because you're insecure, you're trying, am I going to make it?
00:44:34.000
And you leave and you're like, I want to kill myself.
00:44:37.000
And then you just want to do drugs or have sex or do something to try to distract yourself and drown out the pain.
00:44:43.000
And then next thing you know, you're doing it again.
00:44:47.000
And you're not selling like a t-shirt, you're selling yourself.
00:44:54.000
Yeah, but why, like in high school, the theater kids, I remember not even understand until later, like how much they were like, debauched.
00:45:03.000
They were all fucking earlier than any, than the kids from the bad neighborhood, you know what I mean?
00:45:25.000
But we had one black girl in the school, and they cast her as a munchkin.
00:45:42.000
They actually had the woman who did it on Broadway, who did the music on Broadway.
00:45:45.000
Their director came to our school for a day because our director knew this lady.
00:45:51.000
She was like, come on, ease on down, ease on down.
00:46:31.000
The editing work, I need editing help, but most of my time I'm editing.
00:46:40.000
Do you know how to use the computers and everything?
00:47:02.000
And then, like, now my sleep is so fucked up because...
00:47:16.000
I went to a sleep doctor and it was helpful, but the actual cure for sleep is so annoying.
00:47:21.000
It takes about a week, but it really works if you're having trouble sleeping.
00:47:24.000
You have to get up out of bed if you can't sleep immediately.
00:47:29.000
And then when your head starts bobbing, you get back into bed.
00:47:32.000
And after about a week, your brain goes, okay, we hit this bed, we sleep.
00:47:37.000
It's really annoying, because for a week you don't sleep much at all.
00:47:39.000
Tim Dillon told me he quit drinking coffee and it fucking completely cured all of his sleep problems.
00:48:10.000
Do you know that guy, do you see that, the guy that he got like, it's always like a head injury.
00:48:17.000
You get hit by lightning and you can read minds.
00:48:19.000
Some guy hit his head on a pool or something and then he started playing keyboards.
00:48:23.000
So he just sees black and white boxes and he only gets like a third of what's like, it's like almost too, yeah, like the stuff's all there and too much of it's coming in at once and he has to The guy from Oasis got hit in the head with a hammer.
00:48:51.000
You have a tiny chance of getting hit in the head and having some kind of superpower.
00:48:59.000
There's a disease that I... Wouldn't be bad to have.
00:49:02.000
Normally a disease you don't want, but this disease I found, it's not bad.
00:49:06.000
It's called Williams, and this side effect is you're friendly.
00:49:12.000
There's a video of this girl, and she's just like, hugs are the best!
00:49:15.000
And her sisters have to be like, no, you can't hug strangers.
00:49:22.000
Especially during a pandemic, that's not a good...
00:49:27.000
But there's a guy, a really annoying guy, interviewing her, and he's like, I like when you smile.
00:49:37.000
Does that make you feel good, that I feel good?
00:50:04.000
Williams Syndrome is a developmental disorder that affects many parts of the body.
00:50:07.000
This condition is characterized by mild to moderate intellectual disability or learning problems, unique personality characteristics, distinctive facial features, and heart and blood vessels.
00:50:23.000
It was a YouTube video, Williams Syndrome, side effect friendliness.
00:50:32.000
If you know all the facts, it'll fuck up your comedy.
00:50:35.000
Would you like a job reporting at Rolling Stone on the health beat?
00:50:44.000
And by the way, if people don't know that that's complete bullshit, they're not going to know.
00:50:48.000
Because that is so bald-faced lie that the people that are like, no, yeah, watch Colbert and are like, oh, it's a horse dewormer.
00:50:57.000
There's nothing you're going to ever tell them.
00:51:02.000
So if you're not a person who looks into these stories, the narrative is ivermectin is a horse dewormer.
00:51:08.000
And Rolling Stone actually printed a story that said that there was a hospital that had so many cases of overdose of horse dewormer that gunshot wound victims Had to wait.
00:51:36.000
Not only that, you can't find any in the whole country.
00:51:42.000
Not only that, the doctor that was in that story hadn't worked in that emergency room for months.
00:51:51.000
Rolling Stone did no research and just printed it.
00:51:56.000
And then all these other lefties started tweeting.
00:52:06.000
Journalism has become so clickbait-driven that this was a great story, you know, and it was right after I said that I had taken ivermectin, which I also said I had taken monoclonal antibodies, by the way, which is Regeneron, which Fauci has said keeps 85% of the people who take it out of the hospital.
00:52:28.000
Meanwhile, Ivermectin, there's multiple randomized controlled studies on this stuff.
00:52:35.000
The guy got a Nobel Prize and invented it because it's one of the most important drugs in human history.
00:52:39.000
It's one of the World Health Organization's essential medicines.
00:52:43.000
And the idea that they're just defaming this drug and defaming me by saying that it's horse dewormer is hilarious.
00:53:04.000
And Jimmy put up that World Health Organization, just the information about the drug with no comment.
00:53:09.000
So this guy, oh, we're into horse dewormers now, right?
00:53:13.000
And some woman tweets, like, my family lives in a third world country.
00:53:16.000
And, you know, they're not just giving the vaccine away to people who can't afford it in other countries.
00:53:23.000
She says, it saved my family's life, the ones that took it.
00:53:26.000
So this fucking piece of shit digs into her history, like her personal history, and finds she had a DUI. This is what he uses his journalistic...
00:53:36.000
She had a DUI 10 years ago, and he posts that and goes, oh, I really want to know what you think.
00:53:45.000
And basically Doxter, that was his response to someone whose third world parents are, family is safe from the drug.
00:53:52.000
That's so, like the DUI thing is so crazy to me, because I thought it was going to be, he just said something stupid.
00:54:00.000
Well, this is these ideologically driven ideas.
00:54:06.000
Like, you're either on our side or you're on the enemy's side.
00:54:13.000
By the way, I listed off a bunch of medications that I took.
00:54:16.000
And the reason why I did is because I wanted people to know what I took because I felt great.
00:54:36.000
And then Wednesday, when I put the video out, I felt pretty fucking good.
00:54:39.000
I mean, I was out walking around in my backyard, having a good time outside, playing with the dog.
00:54:44.000
Like, I didn't feel 100%, but I felt pretty fucking good.
00:54:47.000
And that's when I put the video out, because I had to say, Chappelle and I weren't doing that arena that weekend.
00:54:53.000
I had to cancel it, and this is why, because I got COVID. But I wanted to let everybody know all the different stuff that I took.
00:55:03.000
I've encouraged all my overweight friends to get vaccinated, at least most of them.
00:55:18.000
And there was a mistake, and they said, the way the CDC has it, you have to actually go to the hospital.
00:55:24.000
And I said, I can't do that right now, but I'll be back in two weeks.
00:55:29.000
And so then, in between that two weeks' time, the Johnson& Johnson vaccine, which is the one that the UFC had allocated, got pulled because people were getting blood clots.
00:55:39.000
And so then I started looking into it, and then two people that I know had severe side effects of getting vaccinated.
00:55:49.000
If you look at the numbers, like the people that have adverse side effects versus the people that don't, it's not even 1%.
00:55:55.000
It's a very small percentage of people that have adverse side effects.
00:55:59.000
Well, if you're in that percentage of the people where it's adverse, because I have it, I didn't, I was like, I don't care, I'll just take a chance.
00:56:07.000
But if you're the kind of person that does, and I know people that, I told you my one friend, Steve Bryan, he had COVID, then he got the vaccine later, like after he's over it, and then he got Delta and had to be hospitalized, and the doctor's like, you know how rare this is?
00:56:39.000
That video you put out, I saw one where they put a filter on making you look more sick.
00:57:02.000
Horse dewormer is really effective, ultimately, because you're, like, way better.
00:57:09.000
I was literally testing negative two days after that.
00:57:13.000
So at that time, maybe they didn't think I was good.
00:57:16.000
Like, I saw some vice story that said I was unconvincing, saying that I felt good.
00:57:27.000
It's all bullshit because it's like they've decided that I'm against their ideology and their ideologies.
00:57:36.000
You know, I don't think there's anything wrong with understanding all of the treatments that are available on top of being vaccinated.
00:57:44.000
Even if you are vaccinated, you should probably seek out aggressive treatment if you get sick.
00:57:51.000
I have friends that are vaccinated that immediately upon finding out they had COVID, because now I know 14 people who are vaccinated who also got COVID after they were vaccinated.
00:58:01.000
But I have friends that immediately sought out the same kind of treatment that I did.
00:58:07.000
They got on a bunch of different things that I got onto.
00:58:12.000
There's a whole frontline critical COVID care group on Twitter and they detail all the randomized control studies that have been done on ivermectin and the fact that it has been used for RNA viruses throughout the history of its use.
00:58:31.000
It's been around forever, and this drug has a long history of use on Zika virus, on dengue fever, and yellow fever.
00:58:55.000
But it's also, and this is not a conspiracy theory, it's a generic drug, meaning it's been around for so long, anyone can make it.
00:59:11.000
The thing is, what I said was not, hey, you don't need a vaccine, just take this stuff.
00:59:22.000
All I said was what I took and that I felt great.
00:59:26.000
Is there any, and this is a real question, is there any news source that's, besides the Al Jazeera News Network, that's like legit where you really get good news?
00:59:38.000
I would have said The Intercept back when Glenn Greenwald was with them.
00:59:43.000
I think you have to go on Substack, and I think there's independent video people.
00:59:48.000
That I follow, that I know, like Jimmy Dore, who's super legit.
00:59:53.000
But Jimmy I love, but I just mean as a journalist.
00:59:56.000
Matt Taibbi is literally as good as it gets as a journalist.
01:00:04.000
Rising, that show Rising, the new people on it.
01:00:06.000
And then the people that left, Crystal and Sagar, who now have their show Breaking Points, which is fantastic.
01:00:15.000
They are so honest and so legit, and there's never a slant, or they don't omit things because it doesn't align with their ideology.
01:00:23.000
Also, she's very left-wing, he's right-wing, and the two of them complement each other perfectly.
01:00:42.000
I was very gravely disappointed watching him do that, Kyle Kalinske.
01:00:47.000
That bullshit the Young Turks tried to do with Jimmy with...
01:00:53.000
Yeah, but he was working with Young Turks at the time.
01:00:56.000
Kyle Kalinske was never working with Young Turks?
01:00:58.000
His channel had something to do with them at the point when...
01:01:00.000
You don't remember the whole Jimmy controversy with Anna Kasparian?
01:01:05.000
Are you sure that Kyle Kalinske had something to do with the Young Turks?
01:01:08.000
He's been independent, I think, the entire time.
01:01:13.000
I was under the impression it was like he was part of something with them because of the way he was deferring to it.
01:01:20.000
But it was like a real punk move, I thought, how he handled it.
01:01:27.000
So Jimmy, that chick from the Young Turks, the I'm better than you chick.
01:01:36.000
You've never seen the famous clip of her going, I'm better than you!
01:01:48.000
I've had nothing but good experiences with her, I should say.
01:01:50.000
I've had her on the podcast before, I've been on her show.
01:01:59.000
No, they've moved because they've got money now, so they're moving center.
01:02:03.000
You know, Cenk doesn't like unions, and they're so left, but he's not into it.
01:02:08.000
Well, they just got a big cash influx from Katzenberg, whatever that group is.
01:02:16.000
Yeah, right, because you want to be friends with people, right?
01:02:19.000
This guy, Josh Zepp, did defend me when Senk was going in on me.
01:02:28.000
She lied about Aaron Mate, who's a very good reporter.
01:02:33.000
She said he's a Russian agent and all this nonsense, because he reports on Syria.
01:02:39.000
So Jimmy's talking about it on his show, and she sends him a little blackmail thing.
01:02:48.000
And it was a threat, like, you're going to stop talking.
01:02:53.000
Well, he had said something about her dressing inappropriately.
01:02:57.000
He made a joke about her dressing inappropriately in the workplace.
01:03:01.000
I mean, imagine a man wearing his Daisy Dukes and hanging his balls out of the side.
01:03:07.000
And a female makes a joke, like, hey, nice news attire, dude.
01:03:18.000
On the other hand, do you give a fuck if a girl wears a skirt and, like, has her legs showing at a...
01:03:27.000
The whole point is, she didn't do anything other than, like...
01:03:31.000
Look, if somebody exposes themselves in front of a room of people, it is uncomfortable to not...
01:03:36.000
As a comedian, it's odd to be, like, not saying...
01:03:41.000
The message above the blackmail message is, hey, you're doing great.
01:03:46.000
The whole point is, all of this was to just distract from the Aaron Maté thing, which they've never taken back, calling him a Russian agent.
01:03:54.000
You're not supposed to use that stuff as a ploy.
01:04:02.000
All these political people think that's the way you operate.
01:04:05.000
You're like, oh, I have this story I can use if I ever need it.
01:04:10.000
And then the fact that he just went out and just said it.
01:04:24.000
It's like if I heard someone said that, I'd punch him in the notes.
01:04:27.000
Just some dumb shit that he looked like he didn't want to say, by the way.
01:04:30.000
But he has to because he has a relationship that he's got to pay fealty to first.
01:04:41.000
I don't have a thing where, you know, it's like Stern versus O&A feelings.
01:04:45.000
People develop these opinions about things and then, you know...
01:04:54.000
The whole thing is weird, because it's weird to accuse someone of something like that just because they're criticizing you about a particular— Well, if this person's a danger, and you've been cool with them up until they call you out for a thing you did lie about, now suddenly you're like, oh,
01:05:14.000
Well, it's definitely like a card that you had.
01:05:30.000
I just thought, like, you guys know something I don't know, and then I felt jealous and I wanted to jump in.
01:05:38.000
I didn't know Kyle had anything to do with any of this stuff.
01:05:40.000
It just looked like, alright, you see, you gotta, like, not...
01:05:43.000
I like the way you can't help but say the thing.
01:05:49.000
Where I'm like, like, there's no way you think that Jimmy should be punching the nose.
01:06:00.000
Well, can you imagine if someone was in a workplace environment, and there was a girl with like a super, super short skirt, and then you were like, nice, appropriate workplace environment, and then you walked up to that guy and gave him a concussion.
01:06:15.000
Just punched him in the face, his nose explodes.
01:06:23.000
You could tell he's not a puncher-in-the-nose guy.
01:06:30.000
It sounded like me as a kid in Jehovah's Witness Kingdom Hall...
01:06:34.000
Saying the thing I know the adults want to hear from my like well, that's very good Kurt you said the thing like a thing that right I know this that's what it came off like well You've said this multiple times because you did grow up in a cult because you did grow up in Jehovah's Witnesses that you Recognize this sort of behavior in a lot of this woke bullshit that it is just like a call not just that I mean that's the obvious kind of thing but There's a thing of don't harm the organization.
01:07:01.000
This is across everything, not just religion or whatever, that don't harm the organization.
01:07:06.000
Maybe you know a fact, but if it harms the overall organization, we don't want to let that get out.
01:07:19.000
That's the kind of shit they say about the guy because he let those Hillary emails out.
01:07:25.000
He didn't say she took horse dewormer or something.
01:07:27.000
He put out real factual information, but they feel like it cost her in the election, and you're supposed to hide the truth because our team might not win, right?
01:07:35.000
And you're supposed to just think like that if you want to be part of the team.
01:07:38.000
Have you ever seen the video of the Young Turks watching the election?
01:07:49.000
We're going to have our first woman president, Hillary Clinton.
01:08:01.000
That was like the year that any idiot could have told you that she wasn't going to win?
01:08:05.000
In 2016, there's a lot of people thought that she was going to win.
01:08:11.000
I mean, all of the news organizations were projecting that Hillary Clinton was going to win.
01:08:15.000
Yeah, because they're completely out of touch with anything anyone thinks or feels.
01:08:18.000
I agree, but still, the narrative was out there that she was going to win.
01:08:22.000
And then when you're in these thought bubbles, like Los Angeles, which is like, there's so many people in LA that are just completely subscribed to the Democratic Party.
01:08:35.000
Blue, no matter who, and that's just how you are.
01:08:42.000
And if you look at the policies, because of this lack of competition, because of this lack of diversity of thought, the state has sunk.
01:09:01.000
You see the thing that came out where Rose McGowan, I guess Gavin Newsom's wife called her and asked her, what does she want to not talk about Weinstein?
01:09:13.000
Oh, Rose McGowan is such a loose cannon, that's great.
01:09:17.000
That's the funniest thing, because she was in the beginning, when she saw Me Too going back, she didn't hold back saying...
01:09:26.000
Thank God California banned plastic straws, and it's this homeless encampment, this fucking giant garbage dump.
01:09:37.000
And when that guy was mayor of San Francisco, he sucked too.
01:09:39.000
That's when I first heard of him, was seeing how bad San Francisco it got.
01:09:44.000
He was gifted a three and a half million dollar house.
01:09:47.000
And it was like gifted to him as a part of an LLC that he became a part of.
01:09:52.000
And then he took a mortgage on his house for like two plus million.
01:09:56.000
And so they literally gave him millions of dollars.
01:10:00.000
And it's like somehow or another some very bizarre legal loophole where you're the governor of California and they can give you millions of dollars.
01:10:09.000
And then right in front of everybody's face, they gift you a house.
01:10:12.000
No, well, you're definitely not obligated to do anything that you wouldn't do.
01:10:24.000
Recently, I paid $400,000 for a Hunter Biden painting, so I understand...
01:10:32.000
Dude, there's this couple that's getting divorced, and they have $600 million worth of art.
01:10:39.000
It is the biggest single art collection that's ever going up for auction.
01:10:43.000
And there's one painting that they have on the wall that is a 2007 painting by some person I've never heard of.
01:10:50.000
I obviously don't know much about modern art in particular.
01:11:10.000
It says, Cy Twombie's untitled work from 2007 has an estimate of $40 to $60 million, courtesy of Sotheby's.
01:11:20.000
$40 to $60 million is an insane house on a massive piece of land.
01:11:26.000
Are they able to say, like, what about that is good?
01:11:33.000
Like, for $40- $60 million, you should have a fucking insane house, a private jet, a Ferrari, a Mercedes, a crazy game room, full bar, movie theater.
01:11:46.000
I would have just a shitty house and that painting.
01:11:49.000
Nothing else would be nice, and I'd just have that.
01:11:57.000
I just want to concentrate on the other one, Jimmy.
01:12:26.000
I know why it's good, because it's a huge canvas.
01:12:32.000
There's zero sense to that being worth 40 to 60 million dollars.
01:12:36.000
I don't give a fuck where he's from, where he went to school, who he mentored under.
01:12:44.000
I could see it being worth 35 million, but I agree with you.
01:12:49.000
Steve Martin would be able to tell you if it's good or not.
01:12:57.000
This is only worth what people are willing to pay for it.
01:12:59.000
And I guess some people are willing to pay for it because this gentleman, Ty Twombie, is apparently a very famous artist.
01:13:13.000
I 100% can make that, and I'm not a good painter.
01:13:15.000
Well, you know, you ever see that documentary about the guy duplicating Vermeer paintings?
01:13:22.000
Like, being a counterfeiter must be so easy now.
01:13:32.000
This painting was sold, someone bought it from a fucking yard sale or something ridiculous like that, or a pawn shop.
01:13:40.000
For a ridiculously small amount of money, like a thousand bucks or something like that.
01:13:45.000
And then they realized that there was layers of paint on top of this painting and that they sent it to this art restorer.
01:13:55.000
And I don't understand the process of restoring truly ancient paintings.
01:13:59.000
But apparently it's a painstaking process that took, I want to say it took a decade.
01:14:06.000
And during this decade, this person worked on it full-time, every day, all day.
01:14:11.000
And they took layer upon layer of this old paint off very, very slowly.
01:14:20.000
Turns out, they think it was initially a Leonardo da Vinci.
01:14:33.000
So who painted over a Leonardo Di Finci painting?
01:14:35.000
Find the original, if you could find the original.
01:14:41.000
When they did a scan of the painting, they believe that there's multiple years and multiple layers of the painting, so they think that Some of the painting might have been Leonardo da Vinci, but then some of the painting might have been someone else copying da Vinci or someone else painting on it at a later date.
01:15:01.000
Whether it was da Vinci or not that did that, it's debatable.
01:15:16.000
I think it's like the most expensive painting of all time.
01:15:19.000
And now it's like sitting on his yacht somewhere.
01:15:22.000
I mean, that does look like a multiple gender portrait of someone.
01:15:25.000
They wanted to put it in the Louvre, but he wanted it to be next to Mona Lisa and say it was the male Mona Lisa and they refused because they said it's under controversy.
01:15:36.000
See if you can find the original Salvador Monday, the original, what it originally looked like.
01:15:42.000
My mother filled my room with clown paintings of a child.
01:15:48.000
Is that the craziest thing about Alvador Mundi original?
01:15:51.000
There was one painting where I was a clown reading the Wall Street Journal crying like it had bad stocks.
01:16:16.000
Wait, so had someone painted a beard on it and they just removed the beard?
01:16:28.000
And see what the original Paint oh, I think that's it right there the one that's all scratched up and fucked up there I think that's what it originally looked like.
01:16:38.000
Oh, yeah, so it took ten years for this person to go over it and I don't know the process and I'm not exactly sure how the fuck they do it.
01:16:50.000
Because if it's like scratched and there's paint missing and stuff, do they replace the paint?
01:16:59.000
That looks bad if they're trying to make it look like that.
01:17:18.000
I think there's more than one Salvador Monday, but this painting is super controversial, and they don't know exactly...
01:17:30.000
They don't know exactly if Leonardo da Vinci actually even painted it.
01:17:33.000
They think he did, or at least he painted some of it, but, you know, it's hard.
01:17:38.000
How many other painters were there around the time of da Vinci that were, like, just, you know...
01:17:44.000
Like, do they hang out in a circle and then somebody's like, oh, I'm going to paint over his...
01:17:49.000
Like, he's so funny that other people sound just like him.
01:17:58.000
And then in LA, a bunch of people copied Norm MacDonald.
01:18:04.000
Because we, dude, Attell, we all tried to be like Attell.
01:18:18.000
They would wear similar baseball hats and similar clothes.
01:18:22.000
They would dress like a kid who just got off a baseball team.
01:18:28.000
When I got out of here, there was a lot of sound effects.
01:18:32.000
You really saw a lot of good, like, Police Academy guy?
01:18:39.000
You ever see him do A Whole Lotta Love with just his mouth?
01:18:56.000
I think, safely say, greatest sound effects artist comedian of all time.
01:19:00.000
Dude, when I was a kid, that was a thing that every, you know, like movies, people, police academy too.
01:20:52.000
Do you remember that guy, Rozelle, that beatbox guy?
01:20:56.000
I did a comedy show when I started where he was like the opening.
01:21:05.000
Beatboxing was a big deal for a while, where dudes would slap their chest and have all kinds of weird sounds.
01:21:11.000
I've never seen that, though, where somebody made that kind of guitar noise.
01:21:18.000
Same thing you'd have for a guitar for distortion.
01:21:23.000
And so he can adjust the distortion with the pedal?
01:21:26.000
If he was doing a wah-wah pedal, yeah, that's what that's for.
01:21:29.000
But yeah, he just had a click-on, click-off stomp.
01:21:36.000
But yeah, but that's the point about the Salvador Monday.
01:21:39.000
Like, maybe it was a guy who just copied Leonardo da Vinci, like that guy who was the counterfeiter.
01:21:46.000
Who would make, not just Vermeer, I mean, there was one guy who would do all sorts of, like he did a Picasso, he did like multiple different great artists.
01:21:56.000
Yeah, but it's fucking, it's such a weird, like the whole art thing is such a bizarre status thing.
01:22:02.000
I was at an agent's house once in Aspen, this amazing house, and I was over this guy's house, like, wow, this house is crazy, like, how much the agents make?
01:22:11.000
All this thing is like, this guy's robbing people.
01:22:13.000
And I'm in his house, and I see this thing that's framed, and it's like this big, and it's like, Tissue paper and like color and I go, I go, is this like something his kid made?
01:22:29.000
I remember going, what the fuck are you talking about?
01:22:32.000
Dude, you know, a buddy of mine, a buddy of mine is, a lot of these guys, my 11 year old can fuck that up.
01:22:42.000
Dude, my friends and artists who started out, you know, a lot of them started as graffiti people.
01:22:47.000
Like in New York, like Basquiat was one of those graffiti people that became an owner.
01:22:51.000
So my buddies, I didn't realize how much his stuff went for He offered me a painting, and I just wanted one, and I was like, I think it was worth like 30 grand when I looked up.
01:23:05.000
I mean, he's a really good artist, but I was shocked at what the art world...
01:23:09.000
Look at this one, Jamie, that I just sent you, and tell me how much you think this one's worth.
01:23:18.000
Let's see if Kurt and I can see who's better at guessing.
01:23:22.000
That's very good under boob drawing there and some good hip action.
01:23:27.000
That looks like an art school sketch pad from Art Institute where I went to school.
01:23:52.000
And that's an 11-year-old girl who drew that off the top of her head.
01:23:56.000
That's why I knew it wasn't going to be worth a lot of money.
01:23:58.000
But it's still, even that kind of sketch with the right artist is probably worth a preposterous amount of money.
01:24:04.000
She's 11. She might have been 10 when she made that.
01:24:12.000
But imagine, imagine that you, like, that splatter, show that other image before, which is probably worth like 50 million bucks.
01:24:45.000
I bet you his name has a lot, because first of all, that's a very good name, Cy Twombly.
01:24:52.000
This has been explained to me by friends that are artists.
01:24:56.000
When you bring your stuff to a gallery, and then a big-time collector buys it, Someone who comes in and goes, I want this, is amazing.
01:25:11.000
And then this one person who's in the know decides that it's good.
01:25:17.000
And then other people start buying your stuff, too.
01:25:19.000
And then it becomes more valuable because you only have so many pieces.
01:25:24.000
And if they're big pieces, like big, huge pieces, even though it looks like dog shit, it's worth even more.
01:25:30.000
It's like, that's why that piece is worth $40 to $60 million.
01:25:35.000
It's spawned a lot of people in LA to be, or probably other places too, where I know a couple of artists, but they have no training.
01:25:43.000
They just scribble like that, but they're not going to be a...
01:25:56.000
If it's a Kurt Metzger, people are going to go, fuck.
01:26:09.000
It's got to be the last thing you buy with all your money.
01:26:12.000
Once you have your stuff, then you go, I have so much money left.
01:26:15.000
There's people that are like these hedge fund fucks that are worth just billions and billions of dollars of nonsense money.
01:26:21.000
They're moving money around and they're making money, moving money.
01:26:25.000
And don't they have like a place, some airport where it's all...
01:26:32.000
You know, what's the time travel movie that- Born in America?
01:26:36.000
They rob that vault where they keep really expensive kind of paintings like Saudi princes keep.
01:26:46.000
But in Tenet, I think that was a real place they were, where rich people keep their art.
01:26:51.000
Well, I imagine you have to keep everything, like, climate controlled.
01:27:08.000
I'm sure his yacht is fucking insane and probably...
01:27:15.000
Yeah, I mean, if he's putting that $450 million painting on his yacht, I'm sure he's got his fucking...
01:27:21.000
I mean, like, let's find out what his yacht looks like.
01:27:23.000
Like, his yacht is probably worth a billion dollars.
01:27:27.000
When you're dealing with these royals, especially the oil family royals, they have trillions of dollars.
01:27:33.000
This idea that Bezos is the richest guy in the world is a joke.
01:27:37.000
Because he's the richest public guy in the world.
01:27:42.000
These oil oligarchs, like, they don't have to tell.
01:27:51.000
Okay, so you know that they don't have like a sewage system, so they have these trucks that have to carry all the shit out of those buildings.
01:27:58.000
Yeah, there's a line of trucks carrying the sewage out.
01:28:03.000
The reason you have skyscrapers is because there's no more space around, so you build up.
01:28:09.000
For that building, that big one, there's a line of trucks that takes- Saudi Prince's yacht and the half-a-billion-dollar painting.
01:28:15.000
That is also the guy that was accused of killing- Right.
01:28:21.000
He's also building a future city on some part of Saudi Arabia that's like underground.
01:28:31.000
No, not even a mansion, like multiple mansions on the water.
01:28:37.000
Well, maybe if Jamal Khashoggi was cooler, he could have hung out on that boat instead of being dismembered.
01:28:52.000
They sold everything together, it looks like, at least according to that.
01:28:56.000
That yacht had the Salvador Mundi painting in it.
01:29:20.000
No, the painting was auctioned at Christie's for $450 million.
01:29:24.000
The yacht is where he keeps it, but the yacht is a completely separate thing.
01:29:28.000
If a yacht came with that painting, that's pretty good.
01:29:30.000
But I think the yacht is probably cheaper than the painting.
01:29:36.000
The yacht is worth less than the fucking painting.
01:29:40.000
Wait, look, Bill Gates leases it for $5 million a week.
01:29:51.000
If I had all that money, I wonder what I would do with my time.
01:29:54.000
Because I feel like a lot of what I do, I'm motivated to get more money.
01:30:04.000
Can you imagine you're paying $20 million a month just to lease a boat?
01:30:19.000
Eventually whore is a complimentary like at a casino when you spend a lot of money.
01:30:25.000
But I mean that kind of money, what does it come with?
01:30:28.000
What do you get for 20 million dollars a month?
01:30:32.000
People who will never tell your dirty secrets of the shit you do on that.
01:30:36.000
I'm amazed at how many dirty secrets they tell about Gates.
01:30:45.000
They're saying he's trying to bang people at work, like...
01:30:47.000
Can you imagine getting hit on by Bill Gates, what that would be like?
01:30:53.000
What about you getting hit on by Bill Gates, a little tiny guy trying to fuck you?
01:30:56.000
I could not in good conscience turn down Bill Gates.
01:31:15.000
It's good to have access to all the vaccines in advance.
01:31:24.000
You can try out whatever vaccine you want, dude.
01:31:28.000
Well, because you see Bill Gates, like, I guess he tried to downplay his hanging out with Epstein, but Melinda Gates blew that shit up.
01:31:37.000
Well, supposedly when he was getting divorced, that's his refuge, just to go hang out with Epstein.
01:31:47.000
I thought she filed once, like, the reality of his relationship with Epstein came out.
01:32:01.000
I don't know if it's based on that, but it's in that same timeline.
01:32:02.000
I'm sure a bunch of people hung out with Epstein and were into of age...
01:32:11.000
They were also interested in hanging out with all the people that were hanging out with Epstein.
01:32:17.000
Well, he's like brilliant scientists, and then also heads of state, and also former presidents, and then also celebrities.
01:32:26.000
Like, it was a very strange crew that he put together.
01:32:29.000
Like, you can't necessarily say, until he got arrested, you can't say that all those people knew what was going on.
01:32:38.000
They could have been invited to a party with this scientist and that scientist and this professor.
01:32:51.000
Did they all go because they wanted to have sex with 17-year-old girls?
01:32:55.000
Or did they all go because they wanted to be around all these brilliant people and have this party?
01:32:59.000
I'm sure it starts out being around these brilliant people, and then you loosen up, and then you have sex.
01:33:05.000
You get a couple of glasses of buffalo tracing you, and the next thing you know, you're like, how old is she really?
01:33:12.000
Dude, you know, I love the classic Alex Jones video where he goes to Bohemian Grove.
01:33:20.000
Yeah, so that's where like the George H.W. Bushes have to go to do coke and fuck whores.
01:33:26.000
They have to be in like a robe ceremony because they know no one will tell.
01:33:30.000
Well, even weirder than that, the way Nixon described it.
01:33:33.000
Pull up a quote, Nixon's quote on Bohemian Grove.
01:33:39.000
Like these guys were doing a bunch of gay stuff.
01:33:43.000
Wasn't that he was famous for not fucking around like that?
01:33:49.000
He was a very fucking buttoned up, very repressed guy.
01:33:55.000
But then if you're a boomer, like Clinton, so the old folks go to the Bohemian Grove and the boomers go to Epstein Island and you don't understand our...
01:34:04.000
I had this explained to me by a brilliant person who is one of the smartest people I know.
01:34:10.000
And the way he described it to me, he said, there are people that have achieved an immense level of financial success and public success, and they have no way to acquire the experiences that they desire.
01:34:24.000
And that's where a person like Epstein would come in.
01:34:26.000
You could just fuck whores and do coke wherever the fuck you want.
01:34:29.000
You have to be in a group of other guys like you.
01:34:34.000
If you're Bill Clinton, who are you going to bang?
01:34:41.000
They have to really be able to keep their mouth shut.
01:34:44.000
Or he has to know a guy who knows people that can keep their mouth shut.
01:35:16.000
So it says homosexuality, dope, immorality, general.
01:35:20.000
Those are the enemies of strong societies, Nixon said.
01:35:29.000
The Bohemian Grove, which I attend from time to time...
01:35:32.000
It's the most faggy goddamn thing you could ever imagine with that San Francisco crowd.
01:35:38.000
I don't even want to shake hands with anybody from San Francisco.
01:35:42.000
Decorators, they've got to do something, but goddamn, we don't have to glorify it.
01:35:50.000
Oh, I thought he wanted to tape everything he was saying.
01:35:55.000
Is this from the classic Nixon tapes, or is this something else?
01:35:59.000
Because the Nixon tapes, he, as far as I know, I thought he was the guy that was like, this is history.
01:36:05.000
Look, the origin is a 1971 Nixon tape, but it sounds so bad.
01:36:09.000
That's what's so baffling about the Nixon tapes.
01:36:14.000
Like, you barely can understand what the fuck he was saying.
01:36:16.000
Well, it's 1970. I thought it was, like, recorded, like...
01:36:20.000
Dude, there's a quote where he's talking about Donald Rumsfeld that I heard they used to play on like Imus' show, and it's him trashing Donald Rumsfeld.
01:36:32.000
I try to find it online, but Nixon's trashing him to somebody.
01:36:36.000
It's kind of crazy if you imagine becoming that like public.
01:36:40.000
President Nixon and Bob Halderman discussed Donald Rumsfeld.
01:36:42.000
Maybe that's what it is, and I'm remembering it better than it is.
01:36:56.000
Especially, you've got to imagine when Clinton was on the come-up, right?
01:37:00.000
He's the governor of Arkansas in the 80s, or whatever it was, and then he becomes president in the 90s.
01:37:09.000
So you're doing wild shit, and people are just covering everything up.
01:37:11.000
You're trying to bang state troopers, and you're pulling your dick out in meetings, and you're like, hey, I'm the fucking mayor.
01:37:18.000
That whole rockstar thing is the basis of a lot of anger now.
01:37:23.000
Is that like everybody worships me and just throws pussy at me and that's what I get.
01:37:27.000
Well, like JFK. JFK was famous for being this rabid pussy monger.
01:37:39.000
And he talks about having a picture of JFK that he keeps to never be fooled again by his smooth talking.
01:37:50.000
Because JFK was like another kind of Obama guy where it's like a smooth young guy.
01:37:54.000
And United States of Amnesia is great because Gord Vidal saying stuff that applies now 100% because everybody forgets the stuff that just happened.
01:38:07.000
It's so bizarre to hear him talk about stuff from the 60s that now you're like, wow, he really called it in a lot of ways.
01:38:14.000
Did you ever see that documentary with Gore Vidal and William...
01:38:22.000
The battle of in the closet versus not in the closet.
01:38:28.000
You think William F. Buckley was in the closet?
01:38:29.000
I mean, just watching him I think he is, but Chris Hitchens said a thing about how William F. Buckley, he kind of hinted at it slyly because he was like, you know, we would do things like, hey, you want to get a drink?
01:38:40.000
And he always seemed like he had to go off to do another thing.
01:38:46.000
But the impression he gives off is two queens going at each other.
01:38:58.000
And I didn't know that Gore Vidal lived in the Amalfi Coast, which is pretty fucking incredible.
01:39:09.000
My family, during the pandemic, before the pandemic rather, we used to go there every year.
01:39:15.000
Do you know stuff about FDR? Best of Enemies, yeah, that's it.
01:39:19.000
So this is like debates that they aired on television during the 60s.
01:39:26.000
And, you know, I mean, you could never have this today.
01:39:34.000
But that kind of shit, you can only find on podcasts now.
01:39:53.000
It's the Nixon and, at the same time, it was like three days of debates.
01:39:58.000
A three-day interview, which they would never do.
01:40:00.000
By a guy who was like the Chris Hardwick of his day, who cracked Nixon.
01:40:03.000
Where Nixon goes, if the president does it, it's not a crime.
01:40:10.000
Yeah, today, I mean, look at what Biden did going through running for president.
01:40:17.000
He never did any long-form interviews, never did any long-form discussions.
01:40:28.000
The fact that he did that, he has this, I got hairy legs!
01:40:38.000
Because anything but Trump, what I like is, Because that's where like Me Too kind of went down the tubes was, especially was with Tara Reid accusing him.
01:40:48.000
And like nobody, everybody like didn't believe her except I guess me and Kamala Harris.
01:41:02.000
So he, I mean he looks like he doesn't remember anything that he did.
01:41:08.000
I mean, you know, he's had like major brain surgery.
01:41:18.000
Well, that's how you get into your brain otherwise.
01:41:42.000
During this time as a senator, he required surgery for not one but two brain aneurysms.
01:41:47.000
The first aneurysm had ruptured, putting him in a life-or-death situation.
01:41:51.000
Doctors saved his life, and the recovery from his brain surgeries is simply astonishing.
01:41:55.000
His ability to succeed at the highest levels...
01:42:02.000
At that time as a senator, he didn't seem as...
01:42:05.000
I remember him always being thought of as a goofball.
01:42:12.000
Never underestimate Joe Biden's ability to fuck things up.
01:42:16.000
Obama would be like, oh, Uncle Joe just says things.
01:42:22.000
He does seem like he changed, though, because he used to do that like, come on, man, but now it's just a lot of like, come on.
01:42:33.000
He's like, well, I'm not supposed to talk to anybody.
01:42:35.000
Remember, they go, well, I'll take a few questions here.
01:42:37.000
I'm not supposed to, but I'll take a few questions.
01:42:44.000
And then that Jen Psaki lady just gets more and more bitter and more aggressive.
01:42:55.000
You gotta just sit there and basically lie to the press.
01:42:58.000
Well, not only that, you're constantly in conflict with these people that are throwing these questions at you.
01:43:09.000
Will she be on Dancing with the Stars when this is all?
01:43:18.000
It's almost like usually, please, I'm a person.
01:43:32.000
It's about when King George, I think they think he had pyphoria or something where your pee turns blue and you're demented.
01:43:39.000
Yeah, so he went crazy and then went back to normal, historically.
01:43:44.000
It's like Joe Biden got better from an aneurysm.
01:43:47.000
Or Reagan, supposedly Reagan was senile the whole second term.
01:43:54.000
Right when he got out of office, his wife told us a story about he came home from...
01:43:57.000
He would go to an office and not really do work, but he came back with his hand wet.
01:44:01.000
And he had this little White House from the fish tank.
01:44:10.000
So he reached in and grabbed the little fake White House from the fish tank?
01:44:12.000
He came home and showed his wife and said, this has something to do with me.
01:44:20.000
I heard from the same place about that disease that makes you friendly.
01:44:40.000
It's interesting because during his first term, he said, he was very lucid.
01:44:48.000
He said some quotes that to this day, people still pull up.
01:44:53.000
His terrifying things is, what can your government do for you?
01:44:59.000
The government needs to get the fuck out of your way.
01:45:02.000
And then the one speech that he gave in front of the United Nations, which is like all the UFO conspiracy theory people always pull up.
01:45:09.000
It's Reagan talking in front of the United Nations about how quickly we would put aside our differences if we're faced with a threat.
01:45:29.000
Don't you want Biden somewhere inside a sea with a second term just to see what happens?
01:45:38.000
I feel like the only way people are gonna really truly understand how fucked up things have gotten is if there's consequences.
01:45:45.000
And right now, I don't feel like there's real legitimate consequences for how bad the administration is.
01:45:59.000
And then the Afghanistan situation, and then what's going on with China.
01:46:12.000
A huge amount of money going to electric vehicles.
01:46:16.000
But they've knocked out Tesla because they don't have unions.
01:46:20.000
And they're giving $4,500 discount if you have a union.
01:46:23.000
That's why he didn't invite Tesla to the White House because he wanted...
01:46:31.000
Do Tesla employees say they should have a union?
01:46:38.000
Because I'm not inherently for, but it seems like if a union has to form, it's because the company fucked up.
01:46:45.000
I'm torn on it because I think unions are very important in certain situations, but I also think, wouldn't it be great if you didn't give your dues to anybody and the company just treated you really well?
01:46:54.000
And I think one of the things that was highlighted about Tesla, because someone fucked up and said something stupid about calling him a modern-day robber baron because of how much money he makes off of the stock, And they said, you don't understand that all Tesla employees are compensated with stock.
01:47:21.000
And it's like, he actually is hurting employees.
01:47:36.000
They knock Tesla so hard and unnecessarily, and they're, you know, Ford and GM are their, they need Ford and GM to survive, and they're gonna go bankrupt, I think.
01:47:47.000
No, they're gonna have great, they have great cars, too.
01:47:50.000
I just drove a Cadillac this week and we rented it.
01:47:53.000
You don't think that electric vehicles are gonna take over?
01:47:56.000
Yeah, but they're gonna have electric cars, too.
01:47:58.000
But they didn't transition, like, when they should've.
01:48:01.000
No, they're behind in AI. In AI, they're far behind.
01:48:06.000
Tesla's self-driving AI is the most amazing thing.
01:48:09.000
But Porsche has arguably a superior electric car.
01:48:17.000
If you talk to guys like Matt Farah from The Smoking Tire, who's like a legitimate car expert, he said it's like literally one of the greatest cars he's ever driven in his life.
01:48:27.000
The acceleration mirrors like the Tesla acceleration, except the new one, the Tesla Plaid is just off the charts fast.
01:48:56.000
Yeah, like people say, yeah, you said that because he gave you one.
01:48:59.000
He gives away his patents too, which open source patents.
01:49:03.000
I mean, he's really trying to help and I just, I hate when they say it.
01:49:06.000
You can't be without criticism when you're that big.
01:49:11.000
Wasn't Hyperloop not a good idea that was never going to work?
01:49:22.000
I thought that was a tunnel that didn't get made.
01:49:27.000
Here's what I thought the criticism of him is he promises the world and is like, well, it's not going to be that fast.
01:49:34.000
His car goes 1.9 seconds, 0 to 60. It's insane how fast it is.
01:49:38.000
I'm like, well, he made this car that's a clearly good car, but...
01:49:43.000
Have you seen the latest AI driving demonstration?
01:49:59.000
That UBI that Andrew Yang used to talk about, that I was like, I don't know if that could work.
01:50:04.000
I think that all these guys know the future as robots do everything.
01:50:07.000
And that's the pittance that is going to be left over.
01:50:12.000
And I think of it like an old man where I'm like, you can't just give people income, but they know what's coming.
01:50:21.000
They just had an AI day and it's just going to be soulmate.
01:50:28.000
That's their computer that learns constantly based on the input that it gets from the AI from driving.
01:50:35.000
So once that's up and running, self-driving will be solved probably really quickly after that.
01:50:47.000
I want a blunt because I don't know how to smoke a cigar.
01:50:51.000
I got a joint right here, so we don't have to go anywhere.
01:50:56.000
Plus also, and I'll stop talking about this, but they also investigate every car crash.
01:51:02.000
And they talk about fires where there's so many more fires with combustion engines.
01:51:15.000
I imagine Kyle's house sliding down the hill that it's on.
01:51:20.000
His house is going to slide down a hill, and then his car is going to be plugged into the house and slide down with the house.
01:51:32.000
I just think that people are hypercritical, and I think what that guy's done is nothing short of amazing.
01:51:38.000
I mean, without him, electric cars would be a decade behind.
01:51:52.000
Like, a genuinely interesting, fascinating human being who's nice.
01:51:56.000
He might be the greatest go-down, like, years later.
01:52:00.000
Once we get, like, going to Mars, he's gonna be...
01:52:03.000
If he ends up keeping his pee in jars, we'll know he was a great man.
01:52:12.000
What do you mean about keeping the pee in jars?
01:52:27.000
I thought that fell apart because it wasn't possible.
01:52:34.000
What's to stop someone from just laying rocks in front of the train?
01:53:04.000
Probably 570 miles an hour is the same as the flight.
01:53:08.000
Well, how many homeless people can you fit on it to ship out of Vegas into LA? That's the question.
01:53:13.000
You know, someone was explaining to me what's going on at the border, and I was like, there's no way this is real.
01:53:21.000
Like, the people, when they come in, illegals, they get processed, and then they just send them on buses to various parts of the country.
01:53:30.000
Like, they don't send them back across the border.
01:53:35.000
I don't want to say anybody's name, but is this true?
01:53:43.000
I mean, I'm saying sort of rhetorically, but is that true?
01:53:48.000
Would you be shocked if when illegal aliens cross the border from Mexico that they just put them on buses and send them around the country?
01:53:59.000
Depend on that labor, like people that they can...
01:54:05.000
It's also the lack of voter ID. They don't want you to have voter ID. Why would you need ID to vote?
01:54:13.000
Those are the people that you're going to vote for.
01:54:15.000
And if you're an illegal immigrant, like almost university, unless you're coming from Cuba, which they oftentimes vote Republican...
01:54:30.000
Even though they're not U.S. citizens, if there's no voter ID, it gets slippery.
01:54:36.000
Why can't the government, I don't know why I'm asking you, like, you know, but, like, okay, voter ID is a problem.
01:54:42.000
Why doesn't every state have to provide you with an ID to vote?
01:54:46.000
Because you only need an ID to get a vaccination or to use your vaccination to get into a restaurant.
01:54:52.000
You don't need it for voting because it's racist.
01:54:56.000
I get the game of who's going to vote for me, but it seems like an easy...
01:55:01.000
I didn't understand why they couldn't just go to companies and be like, okay, who's here legally?
01:55:10.000
Well, I saw one time an interview with a guy, and it was somewhere in Arizona, and they did do that.
01:55:15.000
They were like, we'll just go to the companies and like, let's see who's legal.
01:55:23.000
Do you ever see a documentary, A Day With No Mexicans?
01:55:31.000
I don't know if you know, America, our Herbalife empire will fall apart within five minutes if we do not have illegal immigrants.
01:55:41.000
Los Angeles, the backbone is Mexican immigrants.
01:55:50.000
I mean, it's a sign of what we were talking about before.
01:55:52.000
Things are going very well financially for this country.
01:55:56.000
For people to be able to have all this free time.
01:55:58.000
Well, also, the fucking, this bizarre, the myth of the lazy Mexican.
01:56:12.000
I've heard of that, but I've never seen it, and I've never seen anybody in practice.
01:56:16.000
Like, I've heard somebody say that as like an old-timey insult, but...
01:56:21.000
Okay, yeah, now it's totally the opposite, I think.
01:56:31.000
I mean, they come over here because they want a better life, and once they get here, they're fucking pumped.
01:56:36.000
Yeah, I mean, Home Depot, it's like, that's such a fucking hard thing to do.
01:56:39.000
You go there and you're waiting to try to do some really tough job.
01:56:49.000
My dad was an architect, so I did a lot of labor.
01:57:06.000
Yeah, so I was always around construction sites.
01:57:09.000
That's where I did all my summer jobs when I was in high school.
01:57:26.000
You know, union's a much better construction job.
01:57:29.000
But private, it would be me I was at Art Institute at the time, and then a guy that worked at the gas station, usually, who had a metal plate in his head, and the dude hired me and him.
01:57:38.000
Yeah, and the two of them were like, hey, college, get this bucket!
01:57:43.000
Dude, I went to the Art Institute for two years.
01:57:51.000
It wasn't from NOM. He just wanted it in there?
01:57:54.000
No, it's just like, dude, you know what South Jersey is like?
01:58:06.000
It's like there's all bears down there, like near Rutgers.
01:58:10.000
There's more black bears per capita in the state of New Jersey than any other state in the country.
01:58:17.000
And then most recently, the governor who took over after Christie campaigned.
01:58:22.000
It's one of his campaign promises to stop the bear hunts because people were hunting bears.
01:58:29.000
But the problem is it's not from a biological, wildlife biology management perspective, it's not smart because there's no threat to the bear population.
01:58:40.000
So the bear population has exploded since this dipshit has been Yeah, that's the same with deer.
01:58:47.000
There's actually a hunting season that you want it because you don't want them on the highway.
01:58:51.000
If you don't have that, then you have to hire snipers.
01:58:57.000
I was luckily in a big fucking car with a huge deer.
01:59:08.000
I was coming home once from a gig that I did in upstate New York, and I was living in New York, and I was coming down, I forget what road it is, like some two-lane highway, and I had to drive like 30 miles an hour because there were so many fucking deer.
01:59:22.000
And they freeze if you catch them in the lights.
01:59:25.000
They'll just run right in front of your car, man.
01:59:39.000
I felt bad because I knew it was going to go die somewhere else.
01:59:50.000
I think I look ridiculous smoking this, but I don't really care.
02:00:06.000
Not only does he have a $300 million yacht, but it's got a $450 million painting in it.
02:00:19.000
I know a bunch of, like, Dubai people, but it's so rich there that the license, the vanity plates, like, whoever has the number one, that's the top.
02:00:28.000
Yeah, like, there's nothing else to spend your money on except having the number one license plate.
02:00:33.000
So if you're, like, number six, like, you're really...
02:00:38.000
Do you know about Saudi summers in Los Angeles?
02:00:41.000
Well, Saudi Arabia is so hot in the summer that Los Angeles in the summer is a relief.
02:00:47.000
So a lot of them would come from Saudi Arabia to Los Angeles for relief in the summer, like really, really wealthy folks.
02:00:54.000
And they would ship over their Lamborghinis and Ferraris and these crazy half-million-dollar sports cars with these Saudi Arabia license plates.
02:01:06.000
But they would be like consulate or whatever right on it, and they would just drive around and race down the street in Beverly Hills.
02:01:13.000
That's a time-honored tradition of car hijinks with Saudi...
02:01:17.000
Remember Roy DeMeo, the famous, like, guy that was like a...
02:01:21.000
Yeah, yeah, yeah, from Murder Machine, that book.
02:01:25.000
By the way, I got a lot of this from the Sammy the Bull podcast.
02:01:28.000
But yeah, it would make a great horror movie because he has stories about meeting that guy where the guy's bragging about just killing people just to kill them at this bar he has.
02:01:39.000
Yeah, he had a bar and then he would kill people upstairs.
02:01:44.000
But it sounds like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but with Mafia.
02:01:54.000
But it's amazing because he was like one of those guys, it's like that much of a psycho, but he's like a great dad.
02:01:59.000
Like his son has no complaints about his dad whatsoever.
02:02:09.000
Yeah, if you read the- That movie sucks because it makes it look like- But he loves his family.
02:02:17.000
I mean, it's not pleasant to be around someone who kills like that.
02:02:21.000
Except Roy DeMeo, who was a great dad by all accounts.
02:02:27.000
Kurt and I need advertisers for our YouTube channel.
02:02:29.000
Anybody listening there, you want to advertise on our YouTube channel?
02:02:37.000
E-Forms has really stepped up, and it saved us.
02:02:48.000
Actually, in the Star Trek, I did it as just Ben turns to the camera.
02:03:09.000
I was twisting off the top of a Coke can, and I woke up, I was twisting my own neck.
02:03:13.000
So I go to the doctor, and they took x-rays, and the doctor comes...
02:03:17.000
You know, they got an x-ray on the wall, and he's rubbing his chin, which is like...
02:03:22.000
International sign of like something I don't understand what I'm looking at.
02:03:30.000
And they're both looking and like, and I go, I think I'm dying.
02:03:34.000
And he goes, you have the neck of a seven foot man.
02:03:41.000
Anyway, I'm able to put my larynx way down and make like I can change my voice a lot because my neck is so long.
02:04:03.000
Because they can reach the higher fruit on the tree.
02:04:24.000
I used to live in an equestrian community and these women that would have horses were all built the same way.
02:04:35.000
I nodded like I was on board, but I... Not anymore.
02:04:44.000
They've given up on everything but just coming while they're riding a horse.
02:04:48.000
Because there's something about riding a horse that makes...
02:04:50.000
Some women can have orgasm when they ride the horse.
02:04:54.000
Yeah, that's part of what the whole horse thing is.
02:05:00.000
Wait a minute, because you know how it was illegal for women to ride horses?
02:05:12.000
Yeah, she's, like, literally rubbing her clit on this saddle.
02:05:17.000
I mean, I remember, like, girls in my middle school, like, 12 years old, and they had all pictures of horses in their lockers.
02:05:30.000
If you've got a big dog, and then it's in the bed, then you know the girls that have dog boyfriends, and they lay with it, and you're laying there, and the dog's got his balls in there.
02:05:40.000
If it's a big dog, or a Rottweiler or something, he's a little handsome, twice the size of you.
02:05:47.000
Humans, and it's always got a little jizz in the tip of it if he's not fixed.
02:05:53.000
So anyway, yeah, I did this one girl, the dog wanted to murder me.
02:05:57.000
Every time I came over, I was like, and she was so tiny, she couldn't really handle it.
02:06:10.000
She was so little she couldn't really handle it.
02:06:11.000
Did you ever wake up in the bed and you thought you were spooning her, but it was the dog?
02:06:19.000
Do you remember the lady in Connecticut that slept with her chimp and gave it Xanax?
02:06:25.000
Slept in the bed with a chimp that was the one that killed her friend or ripped her friend's face off.
02:06:30.000
Yeah, she gave the chimp Xanax and then her friend came over and her friend apparently was cock-blocking and the chimp's like, I'm gonna take care of this bitch.
02:06:42.000
Which is benzodiazepine, which is one of the hardest fucking things for a human being to kick.
02:06:47.000
There's two things that kill you when you kick them, benzos and alcohol.
02:06:56.000
The chimp's laying around with her with a fucking diaper on.
02:06:59.000
It was a 200-pound chimp because it was kind of overfed.
02:07:05.000
And when her friend came over, she tore her friend apart.
02:07:40.000
They'll grab your hand and bite your fingers off.
02:07:43.000
I'm trying to think of what I'd rather have bitten off.
02:07:52.000
Anyway, I don't want to talk about my body anymore, but like...
02:07:55.000
Why do you have to talk about your body so much on this?
02:08:10.000
And the doctor took an x-ray and she said, you have no fat on your feet and that's why you're in pain.
02:08:32.000
You used to go to the doctor, they have an answer.
02:08:35.000
She's like, go about your life as you get more and more in pain.
02:08:50.000
My feet have killed me since I've been 25 years old.
02:08:58.000
When I was a kid, my dad would be like, make sure you take care of your feet.
02:09:03.000
Yeah, that was him saying, I see what your feet are doing.
02:09:06.000
Have you tried standing on a pole like a fucking parakeet?
02:09:25.000
That's like a wide rubber thing to do with exercises.
02:09:28.000
But she was like, there's nothing you can do about it.
02:09:34.000
But if you strengthen your foot, like there's a lot of specialists online that talk about foot strength.
02:09:40.000
And in fact, there's this guy, his name is Nick Kurson.
02:09:42.000
He's a very famous strength and conditioning coach.
02:09:46.000
And one of the things that he says that 90% of all athletes have in common is that they have poor foot strength.
02:09:52.000
And he said it's the one thing that he works on with all of his athletes, his foot strength, because it's so neglected.
02:09:57.000
So they do a lot of plyometrics, a lot of jumps, a lot of jumping side to side, a lot of ladder drills.
02:10:04.000
They lay this rope ladder on the ground, and you step in the ladder, out of the ladder, in the ladder, like that.
02:10:09.000
Those kind of things and then jumping rope can strengthen your feet.
02:10:16.000
I guarantee you most doctors have no fucking idea how to make your body stronger.
02:10:22.000
They know you have a problem and they go, you got a problem.
02:10:25.000
The idea that you could try some radical physical therapy, some strength and conditioning routines that are actually going to strengthen the muscles and tendons of your feet, but that's 100% possible.
02:10:40.000
You, I feel like, have consistently worked out your whole life, right?
02:10:47.000
And I have this thing that I used to do where I would just go to the gym because I read if you do something for 21 days, it'll be a habit.
02:11:00.000
But after a while, it became a habit, and I would start to work out.
02:11:04.000
So you just decided, don't put any pressure on yourself.
02:11:06.000
Just go, and just do a little something, and that's better than nothing.
02:11:12.000
But anyway, now I just go, and it stopped working, and now I just go to the gym, and I pick up something heavy, and I leave.
02:11:18.000
Look, guys, is it obvious that just evolutionarily speaking, Kyle is meant to stand in one spot...
02:11:28.000
No, Bob into a glass of water, like this, with a top hat.
02:11:41.000
Just let your head take you, the gravity, and back up again.
02:11:46.000
I have the legs of a 12-year-old girl and the neck of a 7-foot man.
02:11:56.000
I literally do this on YouTube all day, and I don't do anything else.
02:12:13.000
Why does that have, like, lures in the left-hand corner?
02:12:27.000
You know those metal balls around the strings that people have in their office?
02:12:38.000
I'm just saying that people have it on their desks.
02:12:44.000
It's a weird thing to have on your desk, but a lot of people would have those where you let one metal ball go.
02:12:53.000
I used to stare at, like, I had some Asperger-y things when I was younger.
02:12:56.000
I used to stare at a kite until I'd pee my pants.
02:13:03.000
Yeah, I would take it, and they'd be like, to get away from me, they'd be like, let's see if it's there in the morning.
02:13:08.000
But I just would pee my pants and stare at a kite.
02:13:11.000
Back when I was younger, they did test you, you know?
02:13:15.000
Well, sometimes those things can be a strength, because you can concentrate on things for long periods of time.
02:13:25.000
I don't think you put that out if you're healthy.
02:13:35.000
Like that astronaut lady that went to fuck up her husband's boyfriend.
02:13:44.000
I think maybe the guy was married, and she went to get the guy's wife, but she drove through many states through the night, took fucking amphetamines and wore a diaper.
02:13:56.000
And then, like, Mace the lady, when the lady tried to roll her window down, she maced her.
02:14:01.000
Lisa Nowak, the astronaut, drove 900 miles to attack her ex's girlfriend.
02:14:12.000
Her actions inspired the 2019 movie Lucy in the Sky.
02:14:30.000
I'm afraid to leave, though, because you guys want to talk about my body.
02:14:48.000
Yeah, there's notable actors and whatnot in it.
02:14:59.000
Well, see, here's the thing, and no one wants to admit this, but that lady, that crazy astronaut lady who did that was probably amazing in the sack.
02:15:11.000
The kind of person that's willing to drive 900 miles wearing a diaper to confront her exes.
02:15:33.000
The greatest lover of all time was Michael Phelps, the Olympic swimmer.
02:15:40.000
He's so tall and such an athlete, he probably has a giant hog, right?
02:15:44.000
He seems like one of those guys that would have just a hammer.
02:15:52.000
A tells joke about him that he's the obvious product of a dolphin rape.
02:16:15.000
You remember when someone outed him at a party for smoking a bong?
02:16:27.000
And you're like, yeah, yeah, but what about the pot?
02:16:29.000
The only thing I could compare it to is the ivermectin misinformation.
02:16:34.000
Well, the person who did it, like, first of all, they were probably just clout chasing, right?
02:16:46.000
But, okay, I guess there was Twitter back then.
02:16:49.000
It was also Britney Spears thought, because Britney Spears...
02:16:55.000
Do you think she will fall to the Taliban now that her father is pulled out of the...
02:17:04.000
If that was Lil Wayne, and Lil Wayne was going crazy, spending all his money, and putting diamonds in his forehead, was that Lil Vert?
02:17:13.000
What do you mean, put diamonds in his forehead?
02:17:15.000
Dude had a giant diamond inserted into his forehead, and then someone stole it.
02:17:20.000
Yeah, someone grabbed it, ripped it out of his head.
02:17:26.000
There's a new rapper that has gold chains surgically implanted into his head.
02:17:34.000
And someone stole it and pulled it out of his fucking head.
02:17:37.000
Like Thanos, they pulled the thing out of his fucking head.
02:17:39.000
So this guy has these gold chains inserted into his head?
02:18:24.000
Look, he's got the neck thing where his neck is going to grow.
02:18:33.000
It's actually very regal to have a long neck, by the way.
02:18:41.000
He underwent surgery in April, allowing him to hang dozens of chains from his head.
02:18:47.000
I had it as a hook that's implanted in my head, and that hook has hooks, so they're all hooked in my skull under my skin, he said in a viral clip.
02:18:56.000
This is my hair, golden hair, the first rapper to have gold hair implanted in human history.
02:19:04.000
The word hair and a hook is said so many times.
02:19:08.000
Jamie, please see if there's like detailed images that depict the surgery and the subsequent bleeding.
02:19:29.000
40 million dollars stupid fucking painting is a waste of money.
02:19:32.000
If you had gold chains implanted into your head, how fucking cool would that look?
02:19:39.000
I'm thinking of doing something radical like that.
02:19:59.000
I don't know what I searched for on Instagram, right?
02:20:02.000
But you know how you search something and then the algorithm shows you all these things now?
02:20:05.000
Maybe I clicked on one that I saw in the search, just taking a shit one day, bored.
02:20:09.000
But there is a whole movement of guys gluing wigs to their head.
02:20:19.000
Like, ball guys, it's like, all the ones that I get are from other countries.
02:20:23.000
I don't know, but they show a guy, like, looking like this, like, mm-hmm.
02:20:27.000
And then the guy, like, squirts the glue on the head and puts his crazy wig, and then the guy's like, ah!
02:20:42.000
I'm gonna send this to Jamie because I don't know.
02:20:45.000
You know how you get on an algorithm and then the algorithm just sends you, bam, immediately I get to one.
02:20:51.000
It's pretty great because YouTube does that too where you just...
02:21:10.000
But this, for whatever reason, I don't know what country it is.
02:21:19.000
And then this guy comes along and glues down this.
02:21:48.000
But the thing is, I feel like it would look good for a day.
02:21:54.000
How heavy would your head be with chains on it?
02:22:02.000
Because you remember where he came from, right?
02:22:07.000
Yeah, before all that, he was a guy who was going bald in Burger King commercials.
02:22:11.000
It was like copying the success of The Office, and it would be like, I thought I told you a Whopper.
02:22:26.000
Dude, and I asked him point blank, because I would be like, what do you do to hold your hair?
02:22:36.000
So that's right when I was at that hair loss, I asked him, what does he do to hold his hair in?
02:22:45.000
Loose lips sink ships, and you got loose lips, pal.
02:22:51.000
To have Joel McHale hair, I would feel it was my duty to do that.
02:23:06.000
It looked like a feral cat was at a football game and got stuck on a rafter and was like hanging.
02:23:21.000
No, it is a good angle because underneath it you see how they catch it.
02:23:29.000
But watch how the cat drops and they catch him with a flag.
02:23:39.000
I just imagine people going, should we bring our cat to the football game?
02:23:44.000
Imagine the cat freaking the fuck out, all these people screaming.
02:23:59.000
When you guys sit down to write, what is the process?
02:24:02.000
I'll tell ya, because I think we do a very, our process is better than how they do it with other shows, because, you know, you'll write a script, and then they'll lock in the script, and you're in a room, and they'll go shoot it, and you're locked into that script, basically.
02:24:17.000
But what we'll do is, like, we'll have an idea, and I'll shoot, like, a real rough, and we'll look at it.
02:24:24.000
Because once you perform it, it changes a lot of the time.
02:24:26.000
So it's painstaking, but we'll reshoot things a few times to get it right.
02:24:32.000
Which you can't do when you're doing expensive.
02:24:37.000
Do you have a premise that you guys discuss together?
02:24:48.000
I mean, Kurt's also a friend of mine, and it's just so fun to cry laugh writing sometimes.
02:24:55.000
Stuff that sometimes doesn't make the stuff we're doing, but once we get on something, we'll...
02:25:01.000
I remember when you guys were gonna do a show for Comedy Central, and I was happy and sad at the same time.
02:25:09.000
I was happy for you, but I was like, they're gonna fuck it up.
02:25:12.000
And then when they wouldn't do the Caitlyn Jenner fucking Donald Trump one, when you showed it to me, I remember we were in the green room of the main room in the Comedy Store, and you showed me the video on your phone.
02:25:36.000
You couldn't have Caitlyn Jenner and Donald Trump.
02:25:38.000
You had to already have been South Park for 20 years.
02:25:42.000
They're just so scared of anything controversial, which is one of the core tenets of comedy.
02:25:59.000
I am glad, too, in a way that it didn't get picked up.
02:26:06.000
Really, I'm repeating what you're saying, but you want to be on some kind of edge in order to have a really big laugh a lot of times.
02:26:14.000
And we're not trying to be offensive to anybody.
02:26:17.000
I don't want to hurt any of these feelings, but it's...
02:26:20.000
You're just going for the most funny thing to say.
02:26:24.000
Give people a belly laugh is the greatest thing.
02:26:25.000
You're getting the biggest laughs you can out of those such as.
02:26:29.000
Kyle doesn't know anything about fucking politics.
02:26:33.000
It's like if some kid you knew had a playset of cool toys to play with, because he does all these voices.
02:26:44.000
You know, there's no reason Ben Shapiro would be with Joe Biden as his butler.
02:26:51.000
So, you know, like, you don't really have to be political to like it.
02:27:05.000
When Trump was president, I really got a lot of hate, but I just tried to- Stormy!
02:27:16.000
Trump is great because the image that you use for the face swap is Trump at his most fucked up.
02:27:24.000
I was saved by, I was actually in a writer's room and I was miserable.
02:27:29.000
I shouldn't complain, but I just wanted to perform.
02:27:31.000
And so I started doing face swaps of the writers in the room.
02:27:36.000
And then when I found the Trump one, I did an impression of him for years, but I looked the opposite of him.
02:27:42.000
Like every feature of my face is different than Trump's.
02:27:53.000
And the thing about your face swap as opposed to the face swap that like Dr. Fakenstein and those...
02:28:03.000
Like, that was also a problem with the Comedy Central thing.
02:28:05.000
It's like, it was so good, it lost some of the hilarity.
02:28:18.000
Did you ever see the Will Ferrell where he's Bush for one night only?
02:28:23.000
It's like a one-man show where he's George Bush.
02:28:32.000
When you have it, it looks perfect, like the digital fake.
02:28:35.000
It draws attention to how much you're not really...
02:28:40.000
The caricature one makes it funny because it's like, it does something.
02:28:48.000
Like South Park is so, it's so not a human being.
02:28:53.000
It's so obviously not a human being that Kenny can die every week and no one cares.
02:28:57.000
It's not uncanny like, what do they call it, the uncanny valley?
02:29:01.000
Yours are so obviously fake that it's fucking, it's It's perfect.
02:29:06.000
It's my favorite thing to watch, and I'm not bullshitting.
02:29:13.000
When you have a new video out, I fucking share it with everybody.
02:29:26.000
How'd you come up with Caddy when he throws his glasses down?
02:29:28.000
I was actually in my car with Annie, and I was like, that's so bad.
02:29:40.000
Yeah, and pussies, I remember Kurt coming up to me and being like, oh, I could add to that pussies thing.
02:29:48.000
And I really at first was like, there's no way Kurt can play, like, a soft man.
02:29:54.000
But he does an amazing, soft, it's actually disgusting.
02:30:02.000
Yeah, and pussies, he has such a knowledge of that culture and the words.
02:30:17.000
Do you remember that video where these men are apologizing to women?
02:30:24.000
And then Will Smith, or Will Ferrell rather, made a mockery of it.
02:30:37.000
You know, to women for all the bad men throughout history.
02:30:42.000
There's a gamer, there's a bunch of gamers apologizing to it.
02:30:48.000
This is, no, no, but this is the Will Ferrell one.
02:30:51.000
Try to find the original one, because the original one is so gross.
02:31:06.000
Yeah, the original video is these guys that just decided they're going to get some social clout by apologizing for all the bad men ever.
02:31:14.000
And all you think of when you watch these guys is like, these guys are secret creeps.
02:31:21.000
You're assuming, for sure, that women don't like them.
02:31:39.000
You're in a Jamie Kilstein at his height of that relationship You had Jamie on, right?
02:31:45.000
Where he talks about his trying to please somebody that doesn't love it.
02:31:49.000
It's the saddest fucking thing you've ever seen.
02:31:54.000
There's a little bit of a flogging aspect to it.
02:32:23.000
I'll bet Conscious Men was actually like a woman trafficking organization that was like luring in.
02:32:42.000
That original video is gone now, so I'm trying to find someone that has re-uploaded it by searching for Conscious Men, because that's their group.
02:33:33.000
We want to apologize and make amends for those actions today so that we can move forward together into a new era of co-creation.
02:33:53.000
I know that we all have access to a full spectrum.
02:33:58.000
I also have a growing awareness of a dimension beyond all dualities.
02:34:13.000
I know that in order to truly honor you as a multi-dimensional woman, I must stand fully present with myself and own the gifts I have to show.
02:34:21.000
That's the guy with the buffalo helmet on who broke into the Capitol.
02:34:38.000
They have worshipping the divinity expressed in the masculine and the feminine energies.
02:34:43.000
As men, our relationship to the feminine is often been unconscious.
02:34:48.000
I feel sorrow that women and feminine energy have for so long been subjugated and oppressed.
02:34:54.000
Throughout history, men have raped and abused you.
02:35:11.000
Those guys were like, I know how to solve this.
02:35:14.000
I think they probably thought they'd get some...
02:35:17.000
They definitely did, and they probably got together and go, guys, this is the one.
02:35:35.000
I should say he clapped back at Will, because that's the thing they say.
02:35:42.000
By the way, that's the one appropriation that's totally cool, taking all black transgender things.
02:35:50.000
See if you can find the Will Ferrell one, play the Will Ferrell one, because the Will Ferrell one was genius.
02:35:53.000
But yeah, again, they would never do that today.
02:36:01.000
There's something else going on with all of them.
02:36:11.000
Dear woman, we stand before you today as men committed to becoming more conscious in every way.
02:36:18.000
We feel deep love, great respect, and a growing sense of worship for the gifts of the feminine.
02:36:26.000
We also feel deep sorrow about the destructive actions of the unconscious masculine in the past and present.
02:36:32.000
We want to apologize and make amends for those actions in order to bring forth a new era of co-creation with you.
02:36:40.000
As I become more conscious, I grow more aware of the play of masculine and feminine history within you and in all of life.
02:36:57.000
I commit to owning and stewarding a masculinity that honors and celebrates us as equals.
02:37:03.000
We can create great miracles together by nurturing each other in a conscious way.
02:37:12.000
By the way, none of us would dare do this joke now.
02:37:23.000
Not one of them would be in a thing like that now.
02:37:27.000
Imagine how much has changed since social media and the advent of the social justice warrior.
02:37:36.000
But they have had a significant impact just out of straight fear.
02:37:45.000
I mean, Bill Burr's still out there swinging for the fastest.
02:37:49.000
You know, they won like Foghorn Leghorn won in those Looney Tunes where he'd fight with the other chicken for that big glasses chicken.
02:38:00.000
Burr was on stage last night in Madison Square Garden, and he does this bit.
02:38:04.000
He's doing this bit about how women should get paid less for sports because less people pay to see them.
02:38:10.000
And Segura told me that some woman freaked out like, and he said the way he described it, it was like an animal had gotten a hold of her.
02:38:18.000
She was screaming and wailing at him, just screaming at the top of her lungs.
02:38:27.000
But it's like he's setting up a bit and she will not allow it.
02:38:36.000
I had a joke where I said I'm against gay marriage.
02:38:45.000
It's just the hook of the beginning is I'm against it.
02:38:52.000
She grabs another table and The guy's drink and throws it on me.
02:38:58.000
And they're going to throw it out like, wait, wait, why did she do that?
02:39:02.000
She didn't need to hear anything more than that.
02:39:05.000
Well, the people have conflated jokes and bits with your actual thoughts and feelings on things.
02:39:14.000
It's like when you go to see a Quentin Tarantino movie, Brad Pitt's not really smashing a woman's face off the mantelpiece.
02:39:23.000
And with jokes, you're obviously, I can't believe I have to explain this, you're obviously setting something up.
02:39:32.000
I was at the store, and I used to have this bit about, there was a guy who broke into the White House.
02:39:36.000
And when he broke into the White House, there was a woman guarding the front door of the White House with no gun.
02:39:40.000
One lady at the door, by herself, unlocked door, no gun.
02:39:48.000
So during this bit, I say that, you know, people say that women can do everything men can do, right?
02:39:57.000
And then she fucking screamed, bullshit, fuck you!
02:40:09.000
I go, you know, this whole thing about, like, I say, if Shaquille O'Neal is guarding the White House, I'm like, I'm not getting in.
02:40:20.000
Like, if the White House, or I say, if the White House is experiencing a Shaq attack and I'm guarding the White House, I go, yeah.
02:40:27.000
Because I met Shaquille O'Neal, and his dick is where my face is.
02:40:30.000
I keep trying to explain to this lady while I'm doing the bit.
02:40:34.000
And she keeps chiming, and eventually they kick her out.
02:40:44.000
Listen, if you're already a Mancurian candidate, Mancurian candidate programmed, Whatever the word is, you already hit the code word.
02:40:55.000
She was like a studio exec, and she was drunk in the first row.
02:41:03.000
That's every job at the club, if you're the bouncer or the bartender, is dealing with drunks.
02:41:09.000
That's the main industry of stand-up, is just dealing with drunks.
02:41:13.000
Well, some of them, but this desire to jump in in the middle of a bit if you don't like the setup.
02:41:23.000
The whole idea is, how is this woman going to be able to...
02:41:27.000
If Mike Tyson is trying to break into the White House, you need multiple male armed guards to stop that from happening.
02:41:36.000
And some fucking crazy dude ran all the way across the lawn.
02:41:40.000
Apparently, the guy that has the dog wasn't paying attention.
02:41:42.000
He took his headset off because there's people with dogs.
02:41:46.000
They're supposed to let them loose if someone...
02:41:50.000
And the whole bit is about how this guy is running, probably on a suicide run.
02:41:54.000
Because this guy had been arrested just outside the White House with, like, guns and a hatchet and, like, a trunk filled with ammo.
02:42:09.000
So I tried to set this bid up saying that, look, I've met Shaquille O'Neal and his dick is where my face is.
02:42:17.000
I'm like, if I'm guarding the White House and the White House is experiencing a Shaq attack, we're fucked.
02:42:24.000
Could you at least stop his dick, the part that is eye-level?
02:42:34.000
Like, the idea that a woman, a frail woman, should be able to guard the White House without a gun is preposterous.
02:42:44.000
But the idea that these people sit there and wait for you to say something that may or may not be a green light that they can step in and correct you on.
02:42:56.000
I think it benefits us a little bit, because not many people can do, definitely not networks.
02:43:04.000
All in the Family was a good example of, Archie Bunker was the idiot.
02:43:09.000
And you have a nuanced humor, and people laughed at him, and it kind of eased racial tension, because everyone's like, the whole country's laughing, this idiot racist.
02:43:16.000
And you can't do that anymore, because people, like you're saying, can't get through the front, can't go any layer deeper than...
02:43:27.000
Do you remember his story getting fired off of Archie's Place?
02:43:32.000
It was when Archie, Edith was dead, and he had like an...
02:43:36.000
Was the actress still alive and didn't want to do it?
02:43:49.000
Yeah, so I guess Bruce stepped on Carol O'Connor's lines.
02:43:59.000
But his manager didn't have the heart to tell him.
02:44:09.000
And he's like, got the crafty getting a bagel or something.
02:44:18.000
So he brings a phone with a super long cord and walks it up to him.
02:44:23.000
Everybody's just staring at him, and he has to answer the phone, and his manager's like, listen, I meant to tell you that you're fired from this show.
02:44:33.000
It was like four auditions to get this, it was like a part, it was six episodes on some NBC show.
02:44:39.000
And so I go in there, and right before the big table read, they have a table read for the network, you know, and I sit down and go, you have some new lines.
02:44:46.000
And I'm like, fuck, because I cannot read cold.
02:44:53.000
Dyslexia, you could go into making great sketches or be Sammy the Bull.
02:45:02.000
Dude, it looks like a lot of the mafia was a program for young Italians with dyslexia.
02:45:13.000
And everyone's getting, like, killer laughs, you know?
02:45:15.000
And it gets to me, and I'm like, the store is closing at...
02:45:26.000
I got, I left and I was like, oh, that didn't go well.
02:45:29.000
But I came back the next day and the casting director like stopped me.
02:45:45.000
The thing is, you can't tell them, hey, I need time to go over this.
02:45:53.000
When I was younger, they didn't really test for...
02:45:56.000
You were just a dumb person if you couldn't read fast.
02:46:01.000
The machine would project on the wall sentences at a certain speed.
02:46:06.000
And I had to drive an hour and a half to go to this.
02:46:08.000
None, and she was like, tested me on level one, and she saw I was upset, and she goes, by the end of the summer, you'll be on level 10. So the whole summer I worked and drove there, and then we did the test at the end of the summer, and I was on level one.
02:46:24.000
And her faith in God, like, you just saw it fall off her, she just patted me on the back, and she was like, bye.
02:46:44.000
And she'd be like, try to look at chunks at a time.
02:46:50.000
You know who really got the word out about dyslexia, by the way?
02:47:05.000
All I got is D-O! You have so many impressions.
02:47:26.000
I think Bill Maher's rants on his show are fucking...
02:47:32.000
Like some of the more recent ones, attacking woke culture and all the bullshit involved.
02:47:38.000
I want to apologize to Bill Maher because that's the first sketch we really buckled down together with and we have been being gangbanged by a lot of celebrities and that's not right.
02:48:03.000
Okay, so Kyle, that's the first thing that I worked on.
02:48:08.000
Because all of Kyle's anger comes out through sketch and dance and music.
02:48:16.000
I did tap with my mother when I was 12. Yeah, it's dance, too.
02:48:20.000
And so the thing that's funny is, his idea was like, I want Bill Maher to get gangbanged.
02:48:26.000
No, I was upset because he was like, his impression's terrible.
02:48:36.000
And he was like, if you play that, I'm leaving.
02:48:52.000
I was thinking, since I love dinosaurs, perhaps I could...
02:49:05.000
This is going exactly where you think it's going, so please feel free to stop watching.
02:49:34.000
Now, why don't you grab a foot, and you and Jeff try to split me in two, okay?
02:49:47.000
Next time, put lube on your penises before you jam them in a virgin asshole.
02:49:58.000
Well, I don't understand why he didn't think that that sounded like him.
02:50:04.000
And I don't know of anybody else who does a Bill Maher impression.
02:50:08.000
I think if someone even does a bad impression, you have to pretend you like it as a general rule.
02:50:19.000
I want to apologize for all the things I said about you in the past.
02:50:42.000
That's why I started doing an impression of him.
02:50:48.000
Did you- He pretended he didn't know me on your podcast.
02:50:56.000
I was dating Sarah Silverman at the time, and he was really inviting Sarah, so I get that I'm a barnacle and he doesn't want me there.
02:51:03.000
Was that when he was doing his New Year's show?
02:51:06.000
I ran into Moshe and Natasha at the resort in Maui.
02:51:12.000
I just happened to be there while they were there.
02:51:17.000
Isn't Moshe the most surprised hairy guy that you ever met?
02:51:21.000
Like, you're like, wow, I never thought he'd be that hairy of a guy.
02:51:25.000
Yeah, we're in the plane, and he was a little rude to me, but I kind of get it, you know, he doesn't really want me there.
02:51:35.000
Yeah, and then we get there, and we had a couple of dinners, and then we're on the beach, and, you know, I started to, you know, take note of his voice, and I started to impression on him.
02:51:47.000
Some impressions, Kyle does this thing that's incredible, where there's certain impressions that he just naturally absorbs them.
02:51:55.000
Well, this guy, Scott, you ever see Scott Rouse, the body language channel where he reads people's body language?
02:52:15.000
They break down criminal interviews when they interview murderers.
02:52:23.000
He goes, first they get a base, this is what I've gathered, they get a baseline of the person talking.
02:52:29.000
But just, you know, the way you shift eyes or whatever, voice changes, blink rate, there's a lot of different things.
02:52:37.000
But anyway, he's written books about it, he's an expert.
02:52:44.000
Yeah, if someone does an impression, you have to pretend you like it.
02:52:47.000
I worked with him on impressions, but there's some where he just, like, picks them up and he just starts doing them.
02:52:55.000
We had him, like, twice on the after-party part of the show.
02:52:59.000
Do you find that when you hear someone talk, like, there's certain voices where you know you can do it?
02:53:04.000
Yeah, there's some voices that I sort of pick up in my ear easier.
02:53:07.000
People talk in like four or five note ranges, and some of them are just out of my range.
02:53:12.000
But I used to do them when I was a kid to get attention from girls.
02:53:14.000
I did Michael Jackson when he was really popular, and this girl wrote, I love Michael Jackson on her shoe, and I kind of was like, we're dating, I think, because she would come to me to do Michael Jackson.
02:53:25.000
And then she scribbled it off one day and I was devastated.
02:53:29.000
But then I got like, I don't know, I got a chip on my shoulder.
02:53:33.000
I was voted a class clown and I kind of saw that I was like a monkey for people in my school.
02:53:39.000
I remember I went to the cool kids table and they were like, do something funny, then you can sit down, do an impression.
02:53:44.000
And I got in my head like, I don't do impressions.
02:53:49.000
I'm just starting to because of the YouTube stuff and everything.
02:53:54.000
But I stopped doing impressions for like 20, like 30 years.
02:53:58.000
All the time I did my teachers and then I just got like a, not a conscious choice, but a little bit like, no, I don't do that.
02:54:06.000
But wait, add to that, his mother filled his room with clowns.
02:54:11.000
I had a clown phone that would just be like, ha ha, and laugh.
02:54:16.000
He lived like the Joker's lair from the 60s Batman as a child that his mother gave him.
02:54:32.000
I didn't want to hurt my mother's feelings and say, I don't like clowns.
02:54:36.000
I still struggle telling people what I really want.
02:54:43.000
One of the clowns had a hat that said, I love girls on it.
02:54:46.000
And I think my family was like, does he like girls?
02:54:52.000
That's the gayest thing anyone's ever had on their bed.
02:54:55.000
But they found, like, girl clippings under my bed one day.
02:54:59.000
I remember we were working together at the store.
02:55:02.000
You know, I had, like, clipped out stuff from my, but very light, like, underwear ads.
02:55:07.000
I thought you meant, like, hair and toenails and stuff.
02:55:19.000
I remember we were working at the store, and you were supposed to go on before me.
02:55:24.000
But they said, he's got a band, and he's got screens, and it takes 20 minutes to set up.
02:55:32.000
I go, well, how's he going to do that and go on before me if he's doing a 15-minute set?
02:55:36.000
And they were like, yeah, okay, we'll put him on after you.
02:55:47.000
But that was the first time I did it, which was a huge mistake.
02:55:49.000
I think it was the biggest bomb ever in the history of the Comedy Store, by the way.
02:56:03.000
First of all, it took 20 minutes after you left.
02:56:23.000
They wouldn't let me put it on the stage beforehand, which I get.
02:56:25.000
There was a piano, and they were like, no, we don't want that on the stage.
02:56:34.000
We had originally set it up on the stage, but it was too much.
02:56:38.000
They said it was going to take you 20 minutes to set everything up.
02:56:52.000
I jerry-rigged my phone onto this thing around my neck and I connected it to a projector.
02:56:57.000
And then I had written some songs and then I was trying to do it, but I was in front of the projector.
02:57:09.000
But to do that at a 15-minute set at the store seems so insane.
02:57:14.000
It's like, you know how they can transmute other matter into gold now, but it's just too much energy, so it's not worth it?
02:57:23.000
Yeah, like you could, but it would be a ridiculous amount of power.
02:57:27.000
Yeah, you could do it, but it's not worth it on any...
02:57:29.000
They've had some breakthrough with that, by the way, recently.
02:57:38.000
If they did that, they'd probably do the same things they did with diamonds.
02:57:40.000
They would just haul all the diamonds off until...
02:57:44.000
You know, apparently diamonds are not valuable anymore.
02:57:54.000
We should double-check this, make sure this is true.
02:57:56.000
But as time went on, the innovation in mining...
02:58:01.000
And then the amount of diamonds they were able to discover far eclipsed the supplies that had been previously available.
02:58:08.000
So diamonds, which were like this incredibly rare, precious thing, are not that rare.
02:58:25.000
Because I've got to get the face swaps on my tour.
02:58:40.000
So I didn't know about his Instagram, but Annie showed it to me.
02:58:44.000
So I was like, dude, whatever deal you got, just don't do it.
02:58:47.000
That's when he was doing the Comedy Central pilot.
02:58:49.000
It's like a year later, the Bill Maher thing, like, I don't know, inspired him, and then that's when we started making stuff together.
02:58:57.000
I couldn't believe how funny that is, those face swaps.
02:59:02.000
Well, the Caitlyn Jenner one, when you had the whole family, and they're like, yum yum, yum yum.
02:59:13.000
But Chloe actually made a video doing one of my videos.
02:59:26.000
That's when I first learned of the term vocal fry was from you.
02:59:38.000
And by the way, it's feminist, so before you say something...
02:59:53.000
All she had to do was put on a turtleneck and talk in a low voice.
03:00:05.000
She was the, literally, at the time, I think people have eclipsed her, but she was the richest ever self-made woman billionaire.
03:00:19.000
Where people base their health choices on this examination that they would do with a drop of blood.
03:00:32.000
Do you think she thought she could catch up and make it work?
03:00:38.000
Edison would do that where you get investors and you can't quite do it yet.
03:00:46.000
Could be she'd figured out, you know, like, there was, like, maybe some aspects of it that were legit.
03:00:56.000
When they said that about, what's that, like, game that famously came out and sucked, and they're like, oh, Bioware's the company.
03:01:10.000
I think it's hard to compare that level of fraud to someone who literally made thousands of people's lives and put them in deep danger.
03:01:20.000
That's the level of crime, but it's the same kind of thing of like, yeah, magic.
03:01:25.000
The anxiety of watching Fyre Fest, you're like, dude, just stop it.
03:01:28.000
Do you understand, by the way, the entire Afghanistan war was basically a Fyre Fest, but of the Pentagon.
03:01:40.000
You're like, no, it's totally gonna be awesome.
03:01:44.000
You know, her latest thing is like, her latest Hail Mary is like, the man was abusive, and that's why she did it.
03:01:55.000
Sonny guy, Sonny Balwani, the guy that she did it with, he was abusive, and that's what's forced her to lie.
03:02:00.000
When you hear the people that were working there that uncovered it, and they're like, hey, this shit doesn't work.
03:02:05.000
A guy killed- somebody killed themselves because his life was fucked up from trying to expose what was going on.
03:02:14.000
Yeah, get Elizabeth- there was one- there was a speech that she gave at like some women's conference, and that's when I knew she was full of shit.
03:02:22.000
When I listened to her speech, I was like, this is not a smart person.
03:02:34.000
She was like, I'm just so happy to be here and accept this for all the amazing women who are out there doing just amazing things.
03:02:55.000
Sometimes people are awkward, but you can see the brilliance through their awkwardness.
03:03:05.000
Unless I'm missing something, And then I started, like, digging into it.
03:03:09.000
And then, literally, like, months later, the exposure happened.
03:03:15.000
She had a few sentences she kept repeating, like, you don't have to say goodbye too soon.
03:03:19.000
She had some script she would repeat in every interview.
03:03:25.000
She gave some speech at this woman's conference thing.
03:03:29.000
And I remember listening to her, because they were talking...
03:03:35.000
Well, she definitely faked her deep voice, but like Google her speech at women's conference thing, some women in business speech.
03:03:58.000
The leading cause of the suffering associated with saying goodbye...
03:04:08.000
The right to protect the health and well-being of every person and of those we love.
03:04:20.000
It's a right defined in the universal declaration on human rights and our work and my life's work is in being able to engage people in that right.
03:04:36.000
We believe that the challenges of health care can be solved by the individual and if we can begin To engage the individual, we can begin to change outcomes.
03:04:54.000
The thing is, you can be a full-on bullshitter and become a super successful politician.
03:05:02.000
That speech sounded like she should have went, Sandeem is high school football.
03:05:10.000
She was doing a speech in front of her class and she did no prep and so she just decided to bolster her way through it.
03:05:17.000
The most amazing thing about this book is the way it's written.
03:05:28.000
Oh, well, dude, her real voice apparently was nothing like that.
03:05:32.000
I can't do it because she's making her voice low and her voice is too high.
03:05:46.000
But the thing is, once you know that it was all fraud and you listen to that speech, it takes on a whole different feel.
03:05:56.000
How would anyone not notice that that's a fake voice?
03:06:02.000
One of the ways she got ratted out was the people she went to college with.
03:06:06.000
They're like, hey, hey, hey, that bitch doesn't talk like that.
03:06:10.000
That level of, I guess it's sociopath, where you think you can get away with something.
03:06:15.000
Like, I don't think I can get away with anything.
03:06:17.000
But imagine how far she got and when she was, like, literally worth billions of dollars.
03:06:25.000
At that point, she was probably like, well, this is a fucking, this is a layup.
03:06:34.000
That somebody just keeps getting donor money All these things that's a mystery, like nobody likes this.
03:06:45.000
Well, she'd do a thing where she had the little Edison machine and she'd prick your finger and then they'd send the real blood somewhere else and take them for a tour and then come back.
03:06:54.000
Listen, you should have taken the UBI when you had a chance.
03:07:09.000
Like I'm going to sue CNN. I think it's around $100 million.
03:07:21.000
That's like one quarter of a painting she gave away.
03:07:26.000
I mean, I have always felt, especially like writing for things, like, you know, you serve at the pleasure of like a minor noble.
03:07:33.000
You know, like old-time, you know, like old-time, you have like a benefactor that's like, oh, the duke of something supports my...
03:07:40.000
That's how all these jobs have felt the whole time I've done that.
03:07:46.000
You'd be like, oh, I'm serving the duke of something, right?
03:07:49.000
You know, like, depending on the level of famousness.
03:07:53.000
It feels like that exact same, like there's like patrons.
03:07:55.000
So all these things now are like competing like rich patrons and it governs everything.
03:08:02.000
That's what I was talking about with Young Turks before.
03:08:11.000
It's like a completely innovative Rupert Murdoch who sunk a $125 million.
03:08:22.000
The company's largest individual investor, though his name did not appear in the documents.
03:08:25.000
He sold back his shares for $1 in early 2017. Holy fuck.
03:08:34.000
The Cox family, members of the South African Oppenheimer family, Walmart founder Sam Walton invested $150 million.
03:08:45.000
I bet Rupert Murdoch's face was extra droopy that day.
03:08:51.000
It looked even meltier than usual when he found out.
03:08:55.000
They all thought, like, the story was so great, right?
03:08:58.000
You get this lady, she dresses like, I mean, she even, like, ripped off Steve Jobs' attire.
03:09:03.000
And the whole presentation and pulling something out of her pocket.
03:09:10.000
That thing, was it called a nanoteater or something?
03:09:13.000
The nanoteater will allow us to save lives at Walgreens across America.
03:09:18.000
It'll allow us to change the way medicine interfaces with souls.
03:09:24.000
See, that sounds Clinton-y, how you're doing it.
03:09:26.000
We're all doing it terrible, but that's all right.
03:09:34.000
It's that accent from Rio, me and Michelle's high school wedding.
03:09:52.000
Because I called him with it because I'm watching it.
03:09:55.000
So he's like, you know, he sounds like a surfer.
03:10:16.000
The health and well-being of every person and of those we love.
03:10:37.000
We need to have tests for great big fat people.
03:10:41.000
Yeah, I can't do it because you have to have a girl's voice to go low at that high.
03:10:52.000
Dude, this Star Trek thing, the cast is all white because if Kyle played anyone else...
03:11:08.000
Dude, we went through to have the president of China in the Fresh Pres.
03:11:18.000
Because how do I do a Chinese, I can't do a Chinese guy?
03:11:30.000
And then we had a Chinese comic that, you know Feng Chao?
03:12:21.000
I don't know where I found that, but it is mixing my face.
03:12:31.000
Me, it's weird, but I have like three different apps that I use.
03:12:35.000
You look like one of the hotter brothers of Kim Jong-un in that one.
03:12:46.000
There was like, CBS was making a big deal out of one of those networks.
03:12:49.000
Dude, that would be great if he became the new.
03:12:53.000
Yeah, like him holding, he comes out holding his old belt.
03:13:04.000
It's CBS. And people are like, hey, CBS, what the fuck are you doing?
03:13:07.000
Dude, he should hold, hey, remember me, Kim from North Korea?
03:13:23.000
You ever talk to Michael Malice about North Korea stuff?
03:13:32.000
Well, he says a lot of stuff about it because he's right about people making it kind of a joke and take it like...
03:13:40.000
I forget her name, but she's a defector from North Korea.
03:13:46.000
So, I saw somebody write that like, oh, she's saying stuff that's not true because other defectors say, like, contradict what she says.
03:13:54.000
And he knew, which I wouldn't even thought of, is a bunch of these people, it's like people that defect from Scientology but don't talk about it, you know, because they'll come and get you.
03:14:03.000
Chances are they could hurt someone back home or something.
03:14:06.000
So they go, no, no, what she's saying is not true.
03:14:14.000
Some of them are in South Korea, and they'll come get you.
03:14:17.000
So the other defectors have to say that that's not true.
03:14:20.000
Yeah, you might defect it and still be under the thumb of, you know...
03:14:25.000
I didn't even think of that, but he just knows a lot about the topic.
03:14:36.000
He's so funny at poking holes in people's theories.
03:14:45.000
Ben Shapiro's like a funny comedian now, because he's like, you know...
03:14:53.000
Him talking about the TikTok culture is really funny.
03:14:56.000
Here's the funniest thing of coming up with Ben Shapiro shit is, it's like...
03:15:00.000
He has things where I'm like, shut up, Benjamin.
03:15:20.000
Well, he was supposed to be here the week I got the Rona.
03:15:30.000
Our flight attendant was the oldest man I've ever seen in my life.
03:15:34.000
It looked like from the Adams family he was like a lurch kind of guy.
03:15:50.000
Yeah, so he's called himself a stewardess out of the window.
03:15:54.000
And then I was having trouble with my Wi-Fi, and I was like, I should not ask this guy, but I was curious.
03:15:59.000
Dude, he was shaped like in the Monty Python meaning of life, when they have the weird...
03:16:12.000
Yeah, when they have the fish intermission, it doesn't make sense, and it's like a bent-over guy with one long arm, that's what the guy looks like.
03:16:19.000
When I asked about the Wi-Fi, he goes, does anybody know how the Wi-Fi...
03:16:22.000
He yells it to the first-class crew, and that guy was like, click this, and I clicked it, and I go, it still doesn't work, and he goes, good, thank you.
03:16:28.000
He looked like the guy from Phantasm, but not as spry.
03:16:36.000
Kurt and I, we aren't used to being treated well.
03:16:47.000
It's a good thing you had some water next to it.
03:17:00.000
And by the way, we're going to shut the door in like 24 hours.
03:17:06.000
So you have 24 hours to contact you to be an investor.
03:17:11.000
Listen, and we welcome if you're like a spray for your penis or something or...
03:17:21.000
We actually did sell a lot of blowjob machines.
03:17:25.000
It's called Autoblow, and the guy doesn't have a lot of money.
03:17:57.000
That's where I like people going, because that's where we can actually make some money.
03:18:00.000
That's what I was trying to get you to tell people.
03:18:05.000
Enjoy unlimited blowjobs from our advanced blowjob machines.
03:18:09.000
Oh my god, they're going to love the year of talking about them.
03:18:23.000
It's as mind-blowing as old people see an Elvis the first time on TV. We do it on Pussy.
03:18:33.000
And Metzger, tell everybody how to get ahold of you.
03:18:48.000
That's like hundreds of milligrams of THC. Really?
03:18:59.000
It's incredible because he went through the entire joint.
03:19:12.000
When Kurt comes over, we get him like food and stuff.
03:19:13.000
And then one time he came over with a bag and I go, hey, can I have some of that as a joke?
03:19:31.000
And my podcast, Can't Get Right, on Gas Digital.
03:19:36.000
And is that, like, do you have to subscribe to Gas Digital?
03:19:40.000
Yeah, but it comes out on, uh, it's on YouTube.
03:19:43.000
And we do a weekly podcast on the YouTube channel, too.
03:19:48.000
So we do a live show, which is now Kyle Dunningan's show.
03:19:51.000
Now, the live sketch show, we have to film little clips so I could change in a different outfit, but you can't tell that it's pre-taped some of it.
03:20:03.000
You pre-record some of it and then do a transition, and then if he's going to be Biden, he's got to spray just the top of his head and put the hat on.
03:20:23.000
Listen, what I said at the beginning, I stand by.
03:20:25.000
I genuinely think you guys have, like, legitimately one of the funniest shows of all time.