The Joe Rogan Experience - December 22, 2021


Joe Rogan Experience #1750 - Ari Shaffir & Tony Hinchcliffe


Episode Stats

Length

3 hours

Words per Minute

203.95233

Word Count

36,810

Sentence Count

4,305

Misogynist Sentences

161


Summary

In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience, the guys talk about the NFT's, weed, scotch, and whiskey. They also talk about a bunch of other stuff that's not related to the podcast. Joe Rogans Experience is a podcast hosted by the legendary comedian, stand-up comic, and podcaster, about the intersection of comedy, music, and pop culture. It's a fun, honest, and unfiltered look at what's going on in the world around us, and what we should be doing to make the most of it. Enjoy, and don't forget to subscribe on your favorite streaming platform so you never miss an episode! Cheers, Cheers! -Joe Rogan and Company Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Cover art by Cody Johnston. Art by Jeff Kaale. The opinions stated here are our own, not those of our companies, unless otherwise stated. We do not own the rights to any music used in this episode. All credit given to any other artists, websites or products mentioned in the show. This episode was produced and produced by our patrons. Thank you so much for all the support and support. - Thank you to my good friend, Josh Barnett. Josh Barnett for being a great human being and being a good human being. Thanks to all the people who helped make this podcast possible. I hope you enjoy this podcast and all the best podcast you can be a good listen. XOXOoo Podcast. -- Thank you, Josh Rogan, Jeff, for making this podcast, Josh, for being an amazing human being, and for being here, and I appreciate you, thank you for being kind and supporting us all the time, and thank you, for your support, you're a good friend and giving us the support, and thanks for listening, and we appreciate you all the love and support, etc, and good vibes, bye, bye. -- -JOE ROGAN PODCAST, JOGAN Podcast, JOB, JOE JORGS, JOSEPH, RODAN, and JOBY, JORDAN, RYAN, AND THEMSELVES, and much more! -- JOBAN. JOBODY, BABY.


Transcript

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
00:00:12.000 That is the digital art of an NFT. What it is, is this guy Beeple.
00:00:17.000 Do you know who Beeple is?
00:00:18.000 No.
00:00:19.000 Beeple is the king of the NFTs.
00:00:21.000 He's a digital artist, and he was on the podcast, and he does a piece of digital art every single day, and he has for 12 years.
00:00:28.000 You've never seen his stuff?
00:00:29.000 Mm-mm.
00:00:29.000 Oh, my God.
00:00:30.000 It's incredible.
00:00:31.000 But it's that kind of absurdist stuff, like that's a giant Elon Musk with Dogecoin.
00:00:37.000 Is that the guy that does the cool thing that had Hillary Clinton's head on a moving robot?
00:00:42.000 Yes.
00:00:42.000 Oh yeah, I love that stuff.
00:00:44.000 Yes, that's him.
00:00:45.000 All of his stuff is real absurd and wild.
00:00:48.000 Love it.
00:00:48.000 Yeah, it's awesome stuff.
00:00:49.000 And that's Beeple.
00:00:51.000 That's all of his stuff.
00:00:51.000 That's cool.
00:00:52.000 Is that a Burning Man thing?
00:00:54.000 Bottom right?
00:00:55.000 Oh, that's digital art?
00:00:55.000 Yeah.
00:00:56.000 Yes.
00:00:57.000 No, it's not Burning Man.
00:00:57.000 Damn, interesting.
00:00:58.000 Yeah, he does all these, like, very strange, but it's really funny.
00:01:02.000 People, like, try to find the hidden meaning.
00:01:03.000 Well, what he's trying to say is, he goes, I don't know what the fuck I'm saying.
00:01:06.000 Dude, I love when an artist has to try to sell their work, and they try to make it up, but it's like, the reality is I like flowers.
00:01:11.000 Well, he's not interested.
00:01:12.000 Look at that one.
00:01:13.000 The missile with the big cock.
00:01:15.000 Love it.
00:01:15.000 He doesn't, none of his stuff.
00:01:18.000 He's the most unpretentious guy ever.
00:01:20.000 He's not pretentious at all.
00:01:21.000 It was the first weed I smoked in over a week.
00:01:22.000 This is tobacco.
00:01:23.000 We're in Texas, you son of a bitch.
00:01:25.000 Oh.
00:01:29.000 Really strong tobacco.
00:01:31.000 How come you're not smoking weed?
00:01:32.000 I was in San Diego.
00:01:34.000 I was in Dominican Republic.
00:01:35.000 Oh, that's right.
00:01:36.000 We good?
00:01:37.000 Want more?
00:01:39.000 Cheers, gentlemen.
00:01:42.000 Cheers.
00:01:43.000 It's a long life.
00:01:43.000 And fortitude.
00:01:45.000 Boners.
00:01:45.000 Good times.
00:01:48.000 Mmm.
00:01:49.000 That's good shit, right?
00:01:50.000 Yeah.
00:01:50.000 That's old stuff.
00:01:51.000 Good scotch.
00:01:53.000 It's interesting.
00:01:53.000 I think I prefer, like, American whiskey.
00:01:56.000 I prefer, like, Buffalo Trey-style whiskey.
00:01:59.000 But that's still good.
00:02:00.000 It's interesting.
00:02:00.000 It's a different flavor.
00:02:02.000 Is this Speyside Highland?
00:02:05.000 I don't know.
00:02:05.000 Interesting.
00:02:05.000 I just had Jeff go out and get some old.
00:02:08.000 I like the Petey kind, too.
00:02:09.000 Really?
00:02:09.000 Yeah.
00:02:10.000 That's my favorite.
00:02:10.000 Next time I'm here, I'm bringing you some.
00:02:11.000 What's the best stuff?
00:02:12.000 What's the best Petey kind?
00:02:13.000 My favorite?
00:02:14.000 Yeah.
00:02:15.000 Kowalile.
00:02:16.000 Ooh.
00:02:17.000 Some Scottish shit?
00:02:18.000 It's like Kowalile, but yeah.
00:02:20.000 Kowalile.
00:02:20.000 It's my favorite.
00:02:21.000 I love it.
00:02:22.000 You don't find it everywhere.
00:02:24.000 The 10 or the 12, I forget.
00:02:26.000 12. I'll bring you some next time.
00:02:28.000 You know who makes a damn good whiskey?
00:02:30.000 Josh Barnett.
00:02:31.000 Josh Barnett has his own War Master whiskey.
00:02:34.000 It's fucking good.
00:02:35.000 Josh Barnett is a genius.
00:02:37.000 He's a very intelligent guy.
00:02:38.000 And he's a connoisseur of great things.
00:02:41.000 Like, he's really into things.
00:02:42.000 And if he does something, he's gonna do it the right way.
00:02:45.000 Like, 100%.
00:02:45.000 He never does a bullshit thing.
00:02:47.000 And he's got this War Master whiskey.
00:02:50.000 I think it's like, I forget the brand he's working with.
00:02:53.000 Warbringer.
00:02:54.000 Warbringer.
00:02:55.000 And his is called the War Master.
00:02:56.000 And I'm telling you, it's fucking good.
00:02:59.000 I wish I had the bottle here.
00:03:01.000 I mean, he gave it to me and I tried it out.
00:03:03.000 I was like, whoa.
00:03:04.000 I go, dude, this is some fucking great whiskey.
00:03:06.000 I love these promos.
00:03:07.000 Like he's in there in the factory fucking lugging bags every day.
00:03:10.000 No, no, no, no.
00:03:10.000 You don't know.
00:03:11.000 He does.
00:03:11.000 He goes down there.
00:03:12.000 Really?
00:03:13.000 Yeah, he goes down there.
00:03:14.000 Look, he's involved in every step of the way.
00:03:16.000 Why did he stab that barrel?
00:03:17.000 Because he's an animal.
00:03:19.000 He's Josh Barnett.
00:03:21.000 He's the youngest ever UFC heavyweight champion.
00:03:24.000 The youngest ever.
00:03:26.000 No one has beat his record.
00:03:27.000 He won the UFC heavyweight title, I think he was 24 years old.
00:03:31.000 Wow.
00:03:32.000 And then he left, right?
00:03:33.000 Well, he went on to do a bunch of other organizations.
00:03:37.000 And then came back eventually.
00:03:38.000 And he came back to the UFC eventually.
00:03:40.000 He's, uh, Josh Barnett's a fucking renaissance fan.
00:03:43.000 He made a special appearance on the pro wrestling event that we did at the Comedy Store.
00:03:47.000 Oh, really?
00:03:47.000 He smacked the hell out of Johnny Skortis' chest.
00:03:51.000 Oh, no.
00:03:51.000 That is not what you want.
00:03:53.000 You could have heard it from fucking La Cienega.
00:03:57.000 Did Skortis sell it?
00:03:58.000 Oh, he sold it so good.
00:03:59.000 He did a few steps like he was fine, and then he just, like, died.
00:04:05.000 So good.
00:04:06.000 I love Josh Barnett.
00:04:07.000 He's so interesting.
00:04:08.000 And he's a great example of someone that I could say.
00:04:11.000 If someone had these preconceived notions about what a cage fighter's like, and you think they're all brutes and they're all dumb people, sit down with Josh Barnett.
00:04:21.000 He's a world-class cage fighter, has been for many, many years.
00:04:25.000 He's an elite, high-level grappler.
00:04:29.000 And he's a brilliant guy.
00:04:30.000 Class act, gets it, doesn't seem like he's brain damaged.
00:04:33.000 It's amazing when someone surprises you.
00:04:35.000 There's plenty of meatheads, but there's also some interesting ones.
00:04:38.000 Oh, there's a lot of them.
00:04:39.000 There's a lot of them.
00:04:40.000 It's a hard thing to do, man.
00:04:42.000 It's a hard thing to do, to be able to do that for a living.
00:04:45.000 I talked to Keith Jardine.
00:04:47.000 The first time I talked to Keith Jardine, he looks scary.
00:04:50.000 Totally scary.
00:04:51.000 Fucked up ears.
00:04:52.000 Yeah.
00:04:53.000 And it was like, excuse me, it was new to the UFC, like first or second or third one.
00:04:56.000 And so I thought I was in the way constantly.
00:04:59.000 Excuse me.
00:04:59.000 And then I moved.
00:05:00.000 He's like, no, excuse me.
00:05:00.000 And he's looking at me.
00:05:01.000 He's like, uh, what?
00:05:02.000 He goes, I heard you like J.D. Salinger.
00:05:05.000 I'm like, oh, yeah.
00:05:08.000 I'm just reading this now.
00:05:09.000 It's quite good.
00:05:10.000 That's awesome.
00:05:11.000 Yeah.
00:05:12.000 He's one of the owners of Cayman Coffee.
00:05:14.000 Oh yeah.
00:05:15.000 Him and Tate.
00:05:17.000 And there's another woman as well.
00:05:19.000 Oh god, I forget her name.
00:05:20.000 Lacey Mackie.
00:05:21.000 What's that?
00:05:22.000 Lacey.
00:05:22.000 That's right, Lacey.
00:05:23.000 And they have the best cold brew.
00:05:26.000 The cold brews as shit.
00:05:28.000 You ever have their cold brew?
00:05:28.000 Nitro.
00:05:29.000 Yeah.
00:05:30.000 It's good stuff.
00:05:31.000 But Keith's super smart.
00:05:33.000 There's a lot of those guys, man.
00:05:35.000 A lot of fucking smart people in the UFC. It's shocking, you know, because it's such a crazy thing.
00:05:40.000 I mean, you're putting your brain in danger.
00:05:42.000 But a lot of people that excel at it.
00:05:45.000 Carlos Condit, very smart guy.
00:05:47.000 Very smart guy.
00:05:48.000 You run for governor?
00:05:49.000 Or mayor?
00:05:49.000 No, his dad was a governor or something like that.
00:05:52.000 Maybe that's it.
00:05:52.000 Dad was a mayor or a governor?
00:05:53.000 He was some politician.
00:05:54.000 What was he?
00:05:55.000 He wasn't the one who had the chick disappear and then got...
00:05:58.000 I don't think so.
00:06:00.000 Let's not even spread that rumor, son of a bitch.
00:06:02.000 No, who was that, though?
00:06:03.000 Which one is that?
00:06:04.000 There was some chick disappeared, and his staff just disappeared, and they were all sort of investigating him until some other story came up and just buried him.
00:06:10.000 Any memory of this?
00:06:11.000 Oh, I know what you're talking about.
00:06:11.000 This is 9-11.
00:06:13.000 9-11, let this guy go.
00:06:14.000 Gary, the guy's name was- Gary Condit.
00:06:16.000 That's right.
00:06:17.000 Gary Condit.
00:06:18.000 And there was a girl that he was apparently having an affair with or supposedly having an affair with.
00:06:24.000 Living his life.
00:06:25.000 And she got murdered in a park.
00:06:28.000 Yeah.
00:06:28.000 Like right after the affair was exposed.
00:06:31.000 And then 9-11 happened.
00:06:33.000 And so because 9-11 happened, everybody sort of forgot about it.
00:06:37.000 Because it was so crazy.
00:06:38.000 That's right.
00:06:39.000 Chandra Levy.
00:06:39.000 Oh, Chandra Levy.
00:06:41.000 She would have been like the next Lewinsky.
00:06:43.000 It's those things like, the thing is about Washington, D.C., you have to think, there are real murders there.
00:06:51.000 Like that is an absolutely dangerous city.
00:06:55.000 Would you not?
00:06:56.000 Oh, you're talking about actual murders.
00:06:57.000 But I'm saying, imagine though, if it wasn't the case, if he didn't have her whacked, if he just had an affair with her, and the affair got exposed, and then she just randomly got murdered.
00:07:07.000 And he's like, oh no.
00:07:09.000 They're going to think that's me.
00:07:10.000 100%.
00:07:11.000 I'm not saying that that's the case.
00:07:13.000 I'm just saying, could you imagine if that did happen?
00:07:15.000 Because that's always the wonder.
00:07:17.000 When something coincidentally happens, that's always the wonder.
00:07:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:21.000 Was it a coincidence?
00:07:23.000 Was it a murder?
00:07:26.000 Hillary Clinton says coincidence.
00:07:28.000 We were just watching this.
00:07:30.000 We were rather reading this statistic the other day about how many women listen to those true crime shows.
00:07:37.000 They're like 73% women or something.
00:07:40.000 Yeah, they love it.
00:07:40.000 They love it.
00:07:41.000 Crazy.
00:07:42.000 I heard something that it's making women a little bit fearful of doing things in the world because they're constantly...
00:07:48.000 Anyone who's walking behind them now because of those are like, shit, shit, that guy's up to something.
00:07:51.000 Right.
00:07:52.000 And they can't just be anymore.
00:07:54.000 Right.
00:07:55.000 You got to get off those chicks.
00:07:58.000 Well, I think that people are getting influenced by anything that gives them anxiety, whether it's anxiety about serial killers or anxiety about diseases or war with Russia or war with China.
00:08:10.000 We're all ramped up on all sides.
00:08:13.000 Everyone is freaking out.
00:08:14.000 And for what?
00:08:15.000 For shit you can't control, almost always, doesn't it concern you, and you're just feeling fear over nothing.
00:08:22.000 It's interesting, right?
00:08:23.000 Because it's always been the way people have operated.
00:08:25.000 They always get together in a patch of land, and they choose a leader, and then they fuck everybody else!
00:08:31.000 This is it!
00:08:31.000 This is us!
00:08:32.000 This patch!
00:08:33.000 We are the fucking shit!
00:08:34.000 Patch 72!
00:08:35.000 It's kind of funny, man.
00:08:37.000 It's like, what everyone would really be afraid of is if all of the people woke up and said, hey, we don't even really need a government.
00:08:46.000 If we just stop invading each other and we equally distribute all of the natural resources, instead of hoarding it, we treat it as one community.
00:08:58.000 One community, the community is planet Earth.
00:09:00.000 So if people need food in Africa, that's our community.
00:09:03.000 If people need gas in Argentina, that's our community.
00:09:06.000 And we all work together.
00:09:08.000 And there's no presidents.
00:09:11.000 Why won't that happen?
00:09:12.000 Well, because people always want to take over.
00:09:13.000 Dude, even to the poor people here, if you're like, yeah, everyone should split it up evenly.
00:09:17.000 That means with the whole world.
00:09:18.000 Even the poor people here would be like, oh, no, let's not do that.
00:09:21.000 We're so funny the way we have narratives from movies and from fiction, and we try to shoehorn them into real life.
00:09:28.000 And one of them is politicians aren't corrupt, and politicians are looking out for your best interest.
00:09:34.000 Yeah, no way.
00:09:35.000 If you see that in a movie, you're like, oh, that makes sense.
00:09:38.000 So in real life, if I say to you, do you think that some politicians are corrupt?
00:09:43.000 And you're like, yeah, definitely.
00:09:44.000 Do you think that politics in general is kind of tainted by influence and money?
00:09:48.000 Be like, oh, yeah, yeah, fuck yeah, for sure.
00:09:50.000 And you go, okay, was that happening right now?
00:09:51.000 No, I think right now I'm just doing a real good job.
00:09:54.000 It's every other five-year period.
00:09:56.000 I don't think this guy's ties to the pharmaceutical companies are a big problem at all.
00:09:59.000 They've been talking about it for 200 years.
00:10:01.000 Bro.
00:10:02.000 The fucking government's always ripping people off.
00:10:04.000 And suddenly now, you're right.
00:10:05.000 They were like, no, not these people.
00:10:06.000 Did you see Nancy Pelosi defend insider trading?
00:10:09.000 I was just about to ask you.
00:10:10.000 What'd you say?
00:10:11.000 I don't know, guys.
00:10:12.000 I'm doing great at it.
00:10:13.000 You guys should try it.
00:10:14.000 A bunch of people were freaking out about it.
00:10:16.000 I think it was Crystal and Sager.
00:10:18.000 I didn't watch it, but I did see the headline.
00:10:21.000 That she apparently...
00:10:23.000 Oh, it's incredible.
00:10:24.000 You have to watch it.
00:10:25.000 She's just bypassing all the laws to make hella cash!
00:10:27.000 She looks so guilty.
00:10:28.000 It's like when they tell Robert Durst that they know that he did it and he starts burping and shit.
00:10:35.000 Just deflect.
00:10:36.000 Think about how much money she's worth.
00:10:38.000 She makes how much a year?
00:10:41.000 How much does she make a year?
00:10:42.000 She just funnels it to her husband and be like, no, he made the money.
00:10:44.000 Not me, technically.
00:10:46.000 How much money does she make a year?
00:10:48.000 From being a congresswoman or overall?
00:10:50.000 Stuff she's getting now or stuff she's putting away somewhere where no one can see it?
00:10:53.000 She's the Speaker of the House, right?
00:10:55.000 Oh, you mean salary?
00:10:56.000 Probably like a $200,000 job, right?
00:10:58.000 She's a big wig.
00:10:59.000 $600,000.
00:11:00.000 Just on Speaker of the House money, you're saying?
00:11:01.000 No, it can't be $600,000.
00:11:02.000 No, I don't think it's that money.
00:11:03.000 Fauci's the highest paid government employee.
00:11:05.000 $223,000.
00:11:06.000 $223,000.
00:11:07.000 $223,000.
00:11:07.000 And Fauci is slightly less than a half a million dollars.
00:11:11.000 Wow.
00:11:12.000 Yeah, they gotta make their money on the side.
00:11:14.000 But Fauci's like the highest paid government employee.
00:11:16.000 I think Fauci might even be...
00:11:18.000 More than the president?
00:11:20.000 No, I think the president makes a little more than that.
00:11:22.000 The president makes 400 grand.
00:11:24.000 They've got to start paying them or they get better people.
00:11:27.000 They make their money when they get out.
00:11:30.000 What it is, it's like an investment.
00:11:33.000 If you get out, you will have money for speaking engagements with all the companies that you helped, all the companies that you like, hey, I like you, I like you, let's hang out, let's party.
00:11:43.000 They're like, hey, Mike, Mike, the former president, we'd love to have you come speak at our conference and we're willing to pay you a half a million dollars.
00:11:51.000 So there's these weird bribes.
00:11:53.000 Yeah.
00:11:54.000 When?
00:11:54.000 But I'm in office right now.
00:11:55.000 Right after you get out.
00:11:56.000 It's not that.
00:11:57.000 It's kind of genius.
00:11:59.000 It's a genius con game.
00:12:00.000 What it is, it's like a virus finds its way through the system.
00:12:03.000 And they never tell on each other.
00:12:04.000 The left and the right side, just like, no, no, we're all in that game.
00:12:07.000 Yeah, that's the game of making big money after you quit.
00:12:10.000 And then you can also sell books.
00:12:11.000 If you're a president and you write a book, that book is selling.
00:12:14.000 For sure.
00:12:15.000 Do you remember when the UFC paid eight and eight?
00:12:18.000 They paid $8,000 to lose a fight, another $8,000 to win.
00:12:21.000 I think there's still times.
00:12:22.000 What is the entry-level fight pay?
00:12:27.000 It can't still be $8,000.
00:12:28.000 Might be $10,000 and $10,000.
00:12:30.000 Regardless, do you remember when that happened?
00:12:33.000 What did the fighters then do?
00:12:35.000 Did they accept just that salary?
00:12:37.000 Right.
00:12:37.000 Or they went out and got it another way?
00:12:39.000 That's what the fucking Congress is doing.
00:12:41.000 They're just getting paid.
00:12:43.000 Well, sort of.
00:12:44.000 Except the Congress people in doing that, they're playing a game that's illegal to play if you're not...
00:12:49.000 Like, if you know...
00:12:51.000 That's how they put Martha Stewart away, isn't it?
00:12:54.000 What?
00:12:54.000 Wasn't it insider trading?
00:12:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:12:56.000 Yeah, so what is insider trading?
00:12:58.000 It's like you know something, and because you know something, you can't make a move on the market because you have inside information?
00:13:05.000 Is that exactly what it is?
00:13:06.000 Dude, I told everybody, yes, that's exactly right.
00:13:09.000 Because you're on the know, so of course you would buy all the stocks and rig the system.
00:13:12.000 Is that the most tempting, like, illegal thing to do ever?
00:13:17.000 If you fucking know something's about to happen, let's hear what she says.
00:13:25.000 She looks like a vampire.
00:13:27.000 Yeah, she's always looked that way too.
00:13:30.000 Hold on, I can't hear the question.
00:13:51.000 No, I don't know to the second one.
00:13:56.000 Pause, pause, pause, pause.
00:13:58.000 Hold on.
00:13:59.000 You can tell when she goes to her drink, she's like, oh, I'm going to be talking for a while.
00:14:01.000 Right now, I knew this was going to come up.
00:14:03.000 Let's sip a water from a professional speaker who's definitely hydrated enough for the day.
00:14:08.000 She starts shaking.
00:14:09.000 It's like right there, like, oh boy.
00:14:10.000 Okay.
00:14:10.000 Let me hear this.
00:14:11.000 Give me some volume.
00:14:12.000 Okay, go ahead.
00:14:14.000 And the tea flick.
00:14:20.000 No, I don't know to the second one.
00:14:24.000 What?
00:14:25.000 We have a responsibility to report on the stock, but I'm not familiar with that five-month review.
00:14:34.000 But if people aren't reporting, they should be.
00:14:40.000 Because this is a free market and people...
00:14:42.000 We are a free market economy.
00:14:45.000 They should be able to participate in that.
00:14:49.000 She's telling why her husband should be able to invest in stuff that she knows about.
00:14:52.000 Have you ever seen a person look more nervous?
00:14:54.000 Yeah.
00:14:55.000 It was the long sip, the gulp, afterwards, and the immediate shake.
00:15:00.000 Go back to like minute, like second, ten.
00:15:02.000 As soon as he starts.
00:15:03.000 She also licks her teeth before taking the sip.
00:15:09.000 Okay, let me see this.
00:15:10.000 I'm wondering if you have any reaction to that?
00:15:12.000 And secondly, should members of Congress and their houses be banned from trading individual stocks while serving in Congress?
00:15:19.000 No, no to the second one.
00:15:22.000 We have a responsibility to report on the stock, but I'm not familiar with that five-month review.
00:15:31.000 But if people aren't reporting, they should be.
00:15:34.000 Look at her eyes.
00:15:37.000 Because this is a free market and people...
00:15:40.000 We're a free market economy that should be able to participate in that.
00:15:44.000 She already thinks what she's doing is completely right.
00:15:47.000 She's like, no, this is how we make cash.
00:15:49.000 I don't think so.
00:15:49.000 No way.
00:15:50.000 We're doing it.
00:15:50.000 I think that's why she gave such a simplistic answer.
00:15:53.000 She's giving this very simplistic, almost vague answer.
00:15:58.000 Because should you be allowed...
00:16:00.000 To participate in the stock market when you're influencing the direction of the stock, or when you know which direction something's going to go in, or when you're going to pass a law to benefit these businesses that's going to force the stock to go up.
00:16:13.000 And you know that, so you invest a shit ton of money before it happens.
00:16:17.000 That seems...
00:16:19.000 No one else is allowed to do that.
00:16:20.000 That seems like it's a problem.
00:16:22.000 Now, why is that not a problem?
00:16:24.000 Because we're fucking co-opted.
00:16:26.000 Because I would also abuse it.
00:16:28.000 It's like the coach of a team.
00:16:30.000 Of course they would.
00:16:31.000 What I was saying earlier, it's like the most tempting thing to do in a league.
00:16:34.000 You wouldn't do it.
00:16:35.000 The rest of us would do it.
00:16:36.000 Like we found out Pete Rose was betting on and against his teams when he was playing for the team.
00:16:41.000 That's sort of the same thing.
00:16:42.000 Well, the against for sure is.
00:16:44.000 The against is the problem.
00:16:44.000 The against is the problem.
00:16:45.000 If you're betting on your team, I don't give a fuck.
00:16:48.000 I'm like, good, you should bet on your team.
00:16:50.000 When I hear like a fighter bets like a million dollars in like some sort of a side bet on himself, I'm like, fucking yeah, why not, man?
00:16:56.000 If he really thinks he can win that much, who gives a shit?
00:16:59.000 Makes it more exciting.
00:17:00.000 The only problem with Pete Rose betting on his team is when we finally made it It was like he would throw in closers for no reason, wasting them for the next game.
00:17:09.000 So he'd finish off a six-run lead.
00:17:10.000 He was like, let fucking Mariano finish it out anyway.
00:17:13.000 People were like, oh, that's weird.
00:17:14.000 Interesting.
00:17:15.000 So he made decisions that weren't wise.
00:17:17.000 Yeah.
00:17:17.000 To ensure one win over the others.
00:17:20.000 Right.
00:17:20.000 If you were just being a manager.
00:17:22.000 But I don't know.
00:17:23.000 Is that Monday morning quarterbacking, though?
00:17:25.000 Borderline.
00:17:26.000 Yeah, you're right.
00:17:28.000 I'm all down for people betting on themselves.
00:17:30.000 But when you bet against yourself, that means you're going to not play hard because you want to win money.
00:17:35.000 You're going to do things on accident that are on purpose.
00:17:38.000 You're going to fuck up on purpose.
00:17:41.000 You can't do that.
00:17:42.000 That's illegal.
00:17:43.000 That should be illegal.
00:17:43.000 But that's so different.
00:17:45.000 That's like, you know, you've got to think of all the other people that are gambling, too.
00:17:50.000 You know, you're fucking over a lot of people.
00:17:52.000 Like, if all the people think that you're going to win, and you're like, for sure I'm not going to win.
00:17:58.000 Everyone I know, don't think I'm going to win because for sure I'm not.
00:18:01.000 But how much can a baseball player or a coach really influence how a game goes?
00:18:06.000 They can definitely have a big impact on it.
00:18:09.000 Percentages.
00:18:10.000 Percentages.
00:18:10.000 Baseball less than most, right?
00:18:12.000 I don't know, man.
00:18:13.000 I don't know enough about it, but I would imagine if you were a coach and you have a roster of someone who's in the Yankees, pretty much they're all superstars, right?
00:18:21.000 I mean, if you get that far with the athletes of today, if you have whatever you have, 10, 15 players, I gotta think those guys are all animals.
00:18:30.000 You don't get to be a major league player unless you're a top flight athlete.
00:18:36.000 It's too lucrative of a job.
00:18:38.000 Too many guys want it.
00:18:40.000 So how much influence can a manager have?
00:18:44.000 How much do you think?
00:18:46.000 50%?
00:18:46.000 40%?
00:18:47.000 30%?
00:18:48.000 Football the most, would you say?
00:18:50.000 Yeah.
00:18:51.000 Baseball some, you're setting up a lineup, but if one guy's like, hey, I feel a little tight, instead of going like, alright, we'll want it, he's like, let's sit you out today.
00:18:57.000 You can also, they signal to the third base coach straight to the player to take a pitch, fucking, you know.
00:19:04.000 So you do that a little more.
00:19:05.000 Yeah, definitely.
00:19:06.000 It's not the only game you're gambling on.
00:19:08.000 It's over a season, you'll help them win a lot.
00:19:09.000 You know what's interesting?
00:19:10.000 It's like fighting has always been thought of as a sport where people throw fights.
00:19:15.000 It's always been an issue.
00:19:17.000 You know, that was always the thing that haunted Sonny Liston in the second fight he had with Muhammad Ali.
00:19:22.000 Because Muhammad Ali dropped him with this like Real short right hand and a lot of people they call it the phantom punch, but it definitely was a punch.
00:19:30.000 Like you see Liston's head sink in like a guy will sometimes when they get KO'd.
00:19:36.000 You definitely see it.
00:19:37.000 There's a thing that happens when a guy gets hit on a jaw where you see the way his head sort of sinks in and Liston's head definitely sinks in, which means that Ali connected.
00:19:45.000 But the acting after he went down was so ridiculous.
00:19:49.000 Like you could tell he wasn't really trying to get up.
00:19:52.000 He was like pretending he was trying to get up.
00:19:53.000 It was acting.
00:19:55.000 So it's like he definitely got hit with a punch, but in my opinion, he stayed down.
00:19:59.000 And I think there was probably a bet.
00:20:03.000 Because Liston was deep ties to the mob, wound up being a doorman at mob-owned casinos, and died on drugs.
00:20:12.000 It's a really sad story.
00:20:14.000 But at one point in time, Sonny Liston was like the scariest guy on the fucking planet until Ali beat him.
00:20:19.000 And then Ali, when he was fighting him a second time, he hit him with just one punch.
00:20:23.000 Watch it.
00:20:24.000 Let's play it.
00:20:25.000 So he's moving and he had just lit listing up in the first fight.
00:20:30.000 Look at this.
00:20:31.000 Right here.
00:20:31.000 Bam!
00:20:31.000 See that?
00:20:32.000 That's a real punch.
00:20:34.000 Back that up again.
00:20:35.000 People say that's a phantom punch.
00:20:36.000 No fucking way.
00:20:37.000 That's a real punch.
00:20:38.000 You can see it.
00:20:39.000 Watch.
00:20:39.000 Look at this.
00:20:40.000 Right hand over the top.
00:20:41.000 Boom!
00:20:41.000 See that?
00:20:42.000 Perfect.
00:20:42.000 Perfect punch.
00:20:43.000 On the jaw.
00:20:44.000 But now here's where it gets weird.
00:20:45.000 Watch it again.
00:20:46.000 One more time.
00:20:46.000 So if you see Ali moving, I mean, Ali was a master.
00:20:50.000 Look at that timing.
00:20:52.000 Who the fuck else could do that in the heavyweight division before him?
00:20:55.000 He's got his opponent coming in and he's counter-punching.
00:20:58.000 But the way he did this is fucking beautiful, man.
00:21:02.000 If you can appreciate how hard it is to do that, the way he did that to Sonny...
00:21:07.000 No, no, no.
00:21:07.000 Play it back.
00:21:08.000 Hold on.
00:21:08.000 That was just showing the punch.
00:21:09.000 That wasn't showing afterwards.
00:21:10.000 We need to see afterwards.
00:21:11.000 Because afterwards is when he's laying down and he's pretending he can't get up.
00:21:15.000 Maybe he couldn't get up.
00:21:17.000 But for me, I'm like, I don't know about this.
00:21:21.000 Like, I'm looking at him.
00:21:23.000 You see that?
00:21:24.000 Like, that seemed like acting.
00:21:27.000 Like, for sure he got hit.
00:21:29.000 But there's just something about it that just doesn't sit right with me.
00:21:36.000 It didn't seem like a guy normally looks.
00:21:39.000 Wait, they didn't do the count?
00:21:39.000 No, the referee was trying to figure out what the fuck's happened and whether or not he stopped it.
00:21:43.000 He said the corner said it was 10 seconds, but he didn't count them.
00:21:46.000 They just did it from the corner back then?
00:21:48.000 I don't know.
00:21:49.000 This is very confusing.
00:21:50.000 I forgot that that whole thing had happened after that.
00:21:54.000 He did get up.
00:21:55.000 That Ali went after him again.
00:21:56.000 And Ali went after him again.
00:21:57.000 When the fighter goes down and the ref has trouble getting the guy to the neutral corner, the timekeeper is supposed to count.
00:22:03.000 Yeah, but they're not supposed to go resume fighting again.
00:22:05.000 So that's why it's confusing.
00:22:06.000 I think he goes over.
00:22:08.000 He's going over to literally hear from the timekeeper that it was 10 seconds.
00:22:13.000 I thought you got to count it out loud to give the guy a chance to get up if he wants to get up at 8. But look, Liston starts moving towards Ali, and Ali wrecks him.
00:22:19.000 And Liston doesn't fire at Ali at all.
00:22:24.000 There's something about it, man.
00:22:26.000 But the thing about it, the thing that makes me feel weird is watching him get up.
00:22:31.000 Do the part where you're watching him get up again.
00:22:34.000 See, I know this is a real punch.
00:22:36.000 Bam!
00:22:37.000 Look at it.
00:22:37.000 It's a beautiful punch.
00:22:38.000 But now watch this.
00:22:41.000 There's something about him laying there with his arms over his head and he's rolling around.
00:22:45.000 Now watch this.
00:22:48.000 Falls back down, that part right there?
00:22:50.000 I'm not buying that part right there.
00:22:52.000 Yeah, your hands don't naturally go that way above your head.
00:22:55.000 That's where I'm not buying it, where it goes all the way to his back again.
00:22:58.000 But it could be.
00:23:00.000 It could be.
00:23:01.000 Because he did get punched.
00:23:03.000 And he did get punched by one of the greatest fighters in the history of fighting.
00:23:07.000 It could be, but it's something about it.
00:23:10.000 It feels fishy.
00:23:11.000 And then the rumor was that he took a dive.
00:23:14.000 And so all the people that had bet on Liston, oh my god, it became chaos.
00:23:18.000 That's like the only reason they lost.
00:23:20.000 And he also developed a reputation as a guy who threw a fight.
00:23:26.000 Because they called it the Phantom Punch.
00:23:28.000 But it wasn't a Phantom Punch.
00:23:29.000 It's a good fucking punch.
00:23:30.000 But it's like, there's something funky going on, and people know when something funky's going on.
00:23:35.000 Like, if you watch when George Foreman fought Floyd Patterson.
00:23:41.000 Watch that fight.
00:23:42.000 There's not a question in the world what the fuck happened.
00:23:45.000 George Foreman went out and destroyed Floyd Patterson.
00:23:48.000 Nobody thought, Floyd Patterson took a fucking dive.
00:23:50.000 Because you can tell the difference.
00:23:52.000 You can see the difference.
00:23:54.000 The thing is, you don't always see the difference.
00:23:56.000 If they're good.
00:23:57.000 There's moments where a guy cracks a guy and it doesn't even make sense.
00:24:01.000 Maybe the guy has a previous injury.
00:24:03.000 Maybe he got knocked out in training and he got hit and knocked out way too easy.
00:24:07.000 But you see things that don't seem real sometimes, but they definitely are.
00:24:12.000 Like dehydrated?
00:24:13.000 There was a guy named Marvin Eastman.
00:24:15.000 Marvin Eastman was a tank.
00:24:16.000 Oh my god.
00:24:17.000 Just a fucking specimen.
00:24:19.000 And he fought Travis Luter.
00:24:21.000 And he fought Travis Luter.
00:24:22.000 And Travis Luter knocked him out with a punch.
00:24:24.000 But when you watch the knockout, it almost kind of doesn't make sense.
00:24:27.000 Like he hit him.
00:24:28.000 He hit him for sure.
00:24:30.000 He hit him clean.
00:24:31.000 But the way he hit him, he just went completely unconscious, like instantly.
00:24:36.000 And it turned out the word was that he had gotten knocked out in training, which happens all the time.
00:24:41.000 I think he was sparring Tito Ortiz was the rumor.
00:24:44.000 I'm sorry if I got this wrong.
00:24:45.000 But if you watch the fight and you watch the KO, you're like, wow, that's weird.
00:24:51.000 It's not that Travis can't punch.
00:24:52.000 He definitely can punch.
00:24:53.000 It's just the way it happened.
00:24:55.000 Show that fight.
00:24:56.000 There's things that look odd.
00:24:58.000 And you go, well, is that odd because it's just some weird moment where a guy had been injured already?
00:25:06.000 Yeah, I never thought Connor punching out Aldo seemed like it was that vicious a punch.
00:25:11.000 Oh my god, that was perfect.
00:25:12.000 But it didn't seem like brutal strength.
00:25:15.000 When someone's coming in, it just doesn't get any better than that.
00:25:20.000 Which is what's interesting about that.
00:25:21.000 Muhammad Ali takes two big steps back and he's bringing him in and then he counter punches.
00:25:26.000 So he's bringing him in sort of double.
00:25:27.000 Not only that, he's bringing him in like this.
00:25:30.000 He's got his hand like this and he goes around his hand.
00:25:34.000 And he punches him in the chin.
00:25:35.000 He's moving around and as Liston comes at him, he brings his hand up and around Liston's hand before Liston can even withdraw his hand and cover and cracks him on the chin.
00:25:45.000 It was a beautiful punch.
00:25:46.000 Yeah.
00:25:47.000 Connor Aldo, same thing.
00:25:49.000 It's like right to left, just straight across while he's coming forward.
00:25:54.000 Makes his head spin.
00:25:55.000 The fact that Aldo was so hell-bent on destroying Connor.
00:25:59.000 He just was hell-bent.
00:26:00.000 And Connor took advantage of that.
00:26:02.000 It was immediate.
00:26:03.000 Remember that?
00:26:03.000 It was like, here we go, big fight.
00:26:04.000 And they were like, what?
00:26:05.000 It's over immediately?
00:26:06.000 Smart.
00:26:07.000 It's like when Nate slaps somebody and then...
00:26:09.000 It was genius.
00:26:10.000 But this was a powerful punch.
00:26:12.000 Look at that.
00:26:13.000 Boom!
00:26:13.000 Bang!
00:26:14.000 Bang!
00:26:14.000 First of all, you've got to realize it's perfectly placed.
00:26:17.000 The accuracy is impeccable.
00:26:20.000 Second of all, some people can just crack.
00:26:23.000 And if you look at Conor's build, there's a lot of guys built like that that can fucking crack.
00:26:29.000 I want to see it in slow motion still.
00:26:30.000 He's got real wide shoulders.
00:26:32.000 He's real fast.
00:26:34.000 And he's got big hands.
00:26:35.000 Like all those things together.
00:26:37.000 He's just got that freakish punch.
00:26:40.000 There's just people that just have that kind of punch, man.
00:26:43.000 Oh.
00:26:44.000 I mean, that's just genius.
00:26:46.000 Left foot gets hit afterwards, too.
00:26:47.000 Yeah, he had a little bit of a cut over his right eyebrow.
00:26:50.000 From that punch?
00:26:50.000 Mm-hmm.
00:26:51.000 From Aldo's one hook.
00:26:53.000 Fall down punch?
00:26:53.000 Look how genius this is.
00:26:54.000 Look at this.
00:26:54.000 Bam!
00:26:55.000 That's so genius.
00:26:58.000 You know what's even more genius?
00:27:01.000 He worked on the exact thing and he mimicked what he was going to do in the green room.
00:27:06.000 There's video of him.
00:27:07.000 Of who?
00:27:08.000 Connor.
00:27:08.000 Connor pretending to be Aldo and then him showing what he's going to do in counter.
00:27:14.000 He does the exact move in the green room, in the dressing room, knowing that that's going to be the fight.
00:27:21.000 Reminds me of Masvidal Askren.
00:27:23.000 Right, exactly.
00:27:24.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:27:24.000 Same thing.
00:27:25.000 He practiced that step off to the side.
00:27:28.000 It was a great one.
00:27:30.000 I mean, it really is when you factor in that it gave his career a total.
00:27:34.000 Look on the left.
00:27:35.000 That's Conor pretending to be Aldo, and this is him.
00:27:37.000 Bam.
00:27:38.000 Look, see?
00:27:39.000 He's literally saying how it's going to go down.
00:27:41.000 He's walking how Aldo does, and boom.
00:27:44.000 I want to see both sides now.
00:27:45.000 Wait, let me see.
00:27:45.000 Okay.
00:27:46.000 Look at this.
00:27:48.000 I mean, it's literally what he did.
00:27:50.000 He practiced it.
00:27:52.000 He predicted it was happening.
00:27:55.000 He knew Aldo's movements.
00:27:56.000 He had it timed down, and he's like much more light on the foot, and as Aldo moves forward, he times it perfectly.
00:28:03.000 Bam!
00:28:03.000 Look at that.
00:28:04.000 Yeah, with the right?
00:28:05.000 Dude, that left hand is a missile too.
00:28:08.000 Damn.
00:28:09.000 That left hand's a missile.
00:28:12.000 He's one of the most spectacular punchers in the history of the sport.
00:28:16.000 He has some punch KO victories.
00:28:18.000 Who?
00:28:19.000 Conor.
00:28:20.000 His one when he beat Eddie Alvarez.
00:28:22.000 Show that.
00:28:23.000 You want to see fucking genius striking with the hands?
00:28:27.000 It's genius shit.
00:28:28.000 Like, you can see, Eddie Alvarez just got bewildered by it.
00:28:31.000 I mean, the combinations he hit him with, while just subtly avoiding Alvarez's punches, genius shit.
00:28:40.000 Genius.
00:28:42.000 Dude, I used to love rooting against him.
00:28:45.000 He was such a good heel, too.
00:28:47.000 Yeah, totally.
00:28:47.000 He used to cheer for Diaz.
00:28:48.000 Oh, totally.
00:28:49.000 Fuck that guy!
00:28:49.000 He's the best heel ever.
00:28:50.000 He got everybody into it.
00:28:52.000 Yeah, he's the best heel ever.
00:28:54.000 Fuck.
00:28:57.000 We were like, fuck, I hope you got your comeuppance.
00:29:00.000 He just never would.
00:29:01.000 Dude, I'm telling you, when you watch this combination, it's fucking, watch the, it's, look at the sidekick to the body.
00:29:07.000 I mean, he's hitting him with all kinds of shit, and he's so light on his feet.
00:29:11.000 Like, this is prime Conor, in my opinion.
00:29:13.000 Just so light on his feet.
00:29:14.000 Look at these combinations.
00:29:16.000 Watch this.
00:29:17.000 Just getting just out of the way.
00:29:20.000 Like, Eddie can't touch him.
00:29:21.000 He hit him there, though.
00:29:23.000 But it's Conor just looking for the opening.
00:29:28.000 Boom!
00:29:29.000 Clips him.
00:29:30.000 That's one.
00:29:30.000 Clips him.
00:29:31.000 Knees of the body.
00:29:33.000 You know, people get all wrapped up in all the personality and the flash and the money and all the Rolls Royces and everything.
00:29:39.000 That motherfucker could fight!
00:29:41.000 He could fight!
00:29:44.000 And guys have beat them, but you gotta be like an elite of the elite.
00:29:48.000 You gotta be like a Khabib or a Poirier.
00:29:51.000 You gotta be top of the food chain to beat them.
00:30:00.000 Go towards the end of this.
00:30:02.000 I just wanted the final combo.
00:30:06.000 This is what I wanted.
00:30:10.000 Because the finish of this fight is legendary.
00:30:14.000 It's like in highlight reels all over the place.
00:30:15.000 Look at this.
00:30:16.000 Look at that combo.
00:30:19.000 Look at that combo.
00:30:20.000 Show me that again.
00:30:21.000 Watch this.
00:30:22.000 Look at this.
00:30:22.000 He just slides in on him.
00:30:26.000 Boom, boom, boom.
00:30:27.000 I mean, come on, man.
00:30:29.000 She slides just out of the way of the punch.
00:30:31.000 Lands.
00:30:32.000 Four, five ruthless punches.
00:30:35.000 Perfectly placed.
00:30:36.000 Let me see it one more time.
00:30:37.000 Look at this.
00:30:39.000 Look at this.
00:30:40.000 It actually touches his chin.
00:30:41.000 He doesn't even flinch.
00:30:42.000 One, two.
00:30:44.000 Three.
00:30:45.000 The accuracy.
00:30:46.000 Full punches.
00:30:47.000 Four.
00:30:48.000 And just swarms on them.
00:30:49.000 And perfect placement, right?
00:30:51.000 There's no extra wind-up that would have made a miss.
00:30:54.000 Look at this.
00:30:55.000 Bing, bing, bing, bang.
00:30:58.000 Look at me.
00:30:59.000 That's fucking...
00:31:00.000 That's amazing.
00:31:01.000 Oh my god.
00:31:01.000 He goes from fine to cut up.
00:31:02.000 Bro, that's an amazing combination.
00:31:04.000 That's an amazing combination.
00:31:06.000 What happened to him?
00:31:08.000 Got fucking fights, man.
00:31:11.000 Fights happened to him.
00:31:12.000 And then also a shit ton of money.
00:31:14.000 And then also some time out of the game while he was doing the Floyd Mayweather thing.
00:31:18.000 He trained for quite a while for Floyd Mayweather, which he was, I'm sure, just doing boxing.
00:31:22.000 If you're going to train for a giant $100 million fight, you're most likely not going to do any MMA sparring or anything.
00:31:31.000 He probably just did that for a while.
00:31:33.000 And then you get that money.
00:31:34.000 What's that Marvin Hagler quote about it's hard to get up at 5 in the morning and go running when you're sleeping in silk sheets?
00:31:41.000 I think that's him now.
00:31:43.000 He's super jacked.
00:31:46.000 USADA's got to take it.
00:31:48.000 Wait, that's Connor?
00:31:50.000 Right now?
00:31:52.000 Oh, dude, he looks like he's about to go WWF. Yeah, he looks like a bodybuilder from the 70s.
00:31:57.000 It's a weird picture, honestly.
00:31:59.000 I mean, he's definitely jacked, but it looks to me like he's in the middle of lifting.
00:32:03.000 And if you see a guy's body in the middle of lifting, it's a little deceptive.
00:32:10.000 See, that's what he looks like now.
00:32:12.000 He's still jacked.
00:32:13.000 He still looks great.
00:32:15.000 But when you lift weights, like as you do it, like those bodybuilders that go on stage before those big Mr. Olympio things, they all get pumped.
00:32:25.000 Olympioid.
00:32:26.000 That's a great term for it.
00:32:28.000 Look at him.
00:32:29.000 He looks good though.
00:32:30.000 Whoa.
00:32:30.000 He looks so old now.
00:32:32.000 He looks different.
00:32:33.000 Yeah.
00:32:33.000 He's got that crazy beard.
00:32:34.000 That beard's crazy.
00:32:36.000 But he looks fit.
00:32:37.000 Is he tucking up his shorts to let his dick come out?
00:32:38.000 He's got a hog, I bet.
00:32:39.000 I bet.
00:32:40.000 I bet he's got a hog.
00:32:41.000 Why are you talking about shorts?
00:32:42.000 He looks like he's walking around on that shin.
00:32:44.000 I wonder what percentage healed it is.
00:32:47.000 You've got to feel like if a bone breaks in half like that, and then you get a metal plate to hold it in place, and all these screws and shit, that's got to take a while.
00:32:56.000 Tiger Woods is back.
00:32:57.000 He's hitting golf balls again.
00:32:58.000 He just posted on Instagram him smashing the ball.
00:33:01.000 I heard.
00:33:03.000 He talked about how his leg almost got amputated.
00:33:06.000 Amputated.
00:33:06.000 What happened to him?
00:33:08.000 A car accident.
00:33:09.000 A massive car accident.
00:33:12.000 Didn't he go off a cliff or some shit?
00:33:14.000 Yes.
00:33:15.000 What?
00:33:15.000 Not really like a cliff cliff, but like a...
00:33:17.000 What?
00:33:18.000 Yeah.
00:33:19.000 Like a...
00:33:20.000 What's that called?
00:33:21.000 Like a ravine.
00:33:22.000 Ditch.
00:33:22.000 When was this?
00:33:23.000 How long ago was this?
00:33:25.000 February?
00:33:26.000 Yeah.
00:33:26.000 Oh.
00:33:27.000 Serious accident.
00:33:28.000 Whoa.
00:33:29.000 Yeah.
00:33:29.000 Like there's this car at the bottom of this ditch.
00:33:31.000 Yeah.
00:33:32.000 Damn!
00:33:33.000 Yeah.
00:33:34.000 And he almost lost his legs?
00:33:35.000 Yeah.
00:33:35.000 And the bottom left one was for the cheating.
00:33:38.000 Yeah, the bottom left one's the cheating one, yeah.
00:33:41.000 That was different.
00:33:41.000 Different kind of accident.
00:33:43.000 Yeah.
00:33:43.000 Different kind of accident.
00:33:44.000 Which one cost him more?
00:33:45.000 This accident, they think, was a result of him actually just losing control of the vehicle.
00:33:51.000 Maybe he was going too fast.
00:33:53.000 Is that what they think?
00:33:55.000 Was he with anybody?
00:33:56.000 It seems like he lost consciousness is the overall report that I think I read.
00:34:00.000 There was no skid marks.
00:34:03.000 He could have been tired.
00:34:04.000 He could have had low blood sugar.
00:34:05.000 He just golfed in Florida.
00:34:06.000 It was hot.
00:34:07.000 Oh, no.
00:34:09.000 Damn.
00:34:09.000 Oh, no.
00:34:10.000 What does he say?
00:34:10.000 I heard after a concussion you can lose like a minute or two of your memory.
00:34:14.000 Or like right before something happens.
00:34:15.000 You don't have it anymore.
00:34:17.000 Huh.
00:34:19.000 Well, if he actually fell asleep at the wheel, like, oh, fuck.
00:34:25.000 That can happen to people, man, though.
00:34:27.000 That's unfortunate.
00:34:28.000 Like, fainting's a real thing.
00:34:29.000 You think you're trying to commit suicide?
00:34:30.000 Not high enough.
00:34:31.000 No.
00:34:31.000 Not high enough.
00:34:33.000 No.
00:34:34.000 Guys like that don't try to kill themselves.
00:34:36.000 They just do better.
00:34:37.000 They come back and say, fuck you.
00:34:38.000 They show you.
00:34:39.000 They win everything.
00:34:40.000 And I think that's what he's going to do.
00:34:41.000 He's not going to do it.
00:34:42.000 And it's going to be crazy.
00:34:43.000 He's already said, I'm not.
00:34:44.000 Yeah, that's what he says.
00:34:45.000 He also said that after the...
00:34:47.000 Everything.
00:34:48.000 He's been through everything, and this freak keeps coming back.
00:34:50.000 My buddy Kyle Kalinske is a serious Tiger Woods fan, and he sent me these stats.
00:34:56.000 He goes, look at this.
00:34:57.000 Look at the winning stats.
00:34:59.000 Have you seen the winning stats?
00:35:00.000 I mean, it depends on which stat you want to look at.
00:35:02.000 I'll show you the thing that he sent me because it's just so crazy.
00:35:07.000 He was unstoppable.
00:35:08.000 I used to have a bet him against the field in every major, and I was behind at some point, and I was ahead, but it was anybody's game.
00:35:15.000 Him or everybody else combined.
00:35:17.000 On any given day.
00:35:19.000 Remember when you thought there was no way he wouldn't break Nicholas's record?
00:35:22.000 Like he was done.
00:35:24.000 Not only was he beating people, but the way the golf scores he was beating people, it would be the equivalent if a basketball team won like 500 to 45. He could moonwalk the entire back nine.
00:35:38.000 It was so far ahead.
00:35:39.000 Alright, here it is.
00:35:39.000 I found it, Jamie.
00:35:40.000 I'm going to send it to you right now.
00:35:42.000 You watch that crazy documentary HBO made about him?
00:35:45.000 No.
00:35:45.000 Well, jeez Louise.
00:35:47.000 First, it's a two-part documentary.
00:35:49.000 The first part, they just talk about what a freak he is and how great he is and how much better than everybody that's ever done it he is and how he changed the game forever.
00:35:55.000 And the second one just talks about how he loves pussy.
00:35:59.000 I mean, he just can't get enough.
00:36:01.000 Look at that win percentage.
00:36:04.000 Of what?
00:36:06.000 Highest percentage?
00:36:07.000 Isn't that insane?
00:36:08.000 Wait, he won every five?
00:36:11.000 Look how much better he is than everybody.
00:36:13.000 God damn!
00:36:14.000 He's so much better than everybody.
00:36:16.000 That is proof, right?
00:36:19.000 If there's ever a proof of who's the best.
00:36:22.000 That's proof.
00:36:23.000 Yeah.
00:36:24.000 That's the best proof you're ever going to see.
00:36:26.000 Oh, 1983 to 2021. How wild is that?
00:36:28.000 What was Nicholas' winning record in Palmer's?
00:36:30.000 I don't know.
00:36:31.000 Let me check.
00:36:33.000 Interesting.
00:36:34.000 You could be fairly out of shape and win at that.
00:36:37.000 He made people care about golf.
00:36:39.000 Nobody cared about it besides golfers before.
00:36:42.000 But he was never out of shape.
00:36:43.000 He was like the first guy that I remember seeing where I looked at him like, well, that guy could probably do any sport.
00:36:51.000 Well...
00:36:51.000 Are there other guys like that?
00:36:53.000 He wasn't Big Big.
00:36:53.000 I don't follow the game.
00:36:55.000 So if someone makes it onto TV, it's usually like Jack Nicklaus.
00:36:58.000 It's extremely mental.
00:37:00.000 It's a ridiculously mental game.
00:37:02.000 Like John Daly is, you know, a big guy, drinks, has fun, smokes cigarettes, drinks Diet Coke while playing, and he, you know...
00:37:12.000 So Tiger has the most wins by far.
00:37:15.000 Wow.
00:37:16.000 By almost 20. But Ben Hogan has 64. He's tied with Sam Snead.
00:37:21.000 The wins aren't in order.
00:37:22.000 It's a win percentage.
00:37:23.000 Oh, okay.
00:37:25.000 But Hogan's still pretty good, man.
00:37:28.000 Look at that.
00:37:29.000 Hogan won 21% of the time.
00:37:31.000 Damn.
00:37:32.000 But these are all-time greats ever.
00:37:33.000 Oh, all-time greats.
00:37:35.000 I obviously have never played golf, but all my friends who play golf and pool all say golf is harder.
00:37:42.000 Really?
00:37:43.000 Yeah, golf is way harder.
00:37:45.000 Oh, it's crazy.
00:37:46.000 You're playing against so many other people.
00:37:48.000 And so many different things.
00:37:50.000 The elements, sand, wind, grass.
00:37:53.000 You have to factor in this feel thing.
00:37:56.000 I see when these guys are making these shots, and they're sitting there on their knees and trying to figure out which way the ground rolls, and they have to figure that out and time it perfectly.
00:38:06.000 Why is that so satisfying?
00:38:08.000 Someone was trying to bring that up, whether that was a hunting thing.
00:38:11.000 Who brought that up?
00:38:12.000 I can tell you.
00:38:13.000 It's like a hike, but you have something to do.
00:38:17.000 Yeah, but someone was saying there's something about the accuracy.
00:38:20.000 We are obsessed with accuracy.
00:38:23.000 We're obsessed with getting a ball into a net, or a ball into a hole, or an arrow into the center of the target.
00:38:29.000 We're obsessed with accuracy.
00:38:30.000 And they think it has something to do with hunting.
00:38:32.000 I like it.
00:38:33.000 That makes sense.
00:38:34.000 It totally does, right?
00:38:35.000 Envisioning hitting a target and then hitting it and you feed your family.
00:38:38.000 That makes sense.
00:38:39.000 Totally makes sense.
00:38:40.000 Yeah.
00:38:40.000 Why else would we be so invested in someone who could throw a ball over a plate?
00:38:46.000 Knock down some pins.
00:38:47.000 Knock down some pheasants or whatever.
00:38:49.000 Wow, I never thought of it that way.
00:38:51.000 That makes total sense.
00:38:52.000 Yeah.
00:38:52.000 They think that's one of the factors that led to us becoming people, from lower hominids to people.
00:38:58.000 They think the throwing arm was one of the major factors.
00:39:00.000 They're always trying to pin it on one thing, like the mushroom people want to think it's one thing, and the meat people want to think it's like cooking meat over fire, but I have a feeling it was all those things.
00:39:09.000 I think it was a bunch of shit together that turned us into people, but one of them, they think for sure, was we figured out our ability to throw things.
00:39:16.000 Do you ever throw things?
00:39:17.000 I can't even picture you.
00:39:19.000 I can picture you kicking, but I can't picture you throwing anything.
00:39:22.000 No, I mean, I never was like a pitcher or anything.
00:39:24.000 You shoot like paper balls into trash cans sometimes?
00:39:27.000 Yeah.
00:39:27.000 Kobe.
00:39:28.000 Yeah, but I'm not good.
00:39:30.000 Like, I lose at horse to my kids.
00:39:33.000 I play basketball.
00:39:34.000 I lose a horse to my kids with an 11-year-old sticks in my face, like, ha-ha!
00:39:39.000 I'm like, shit!
00:39:40.000 Wow.
00:39:41.000 It's fun, though.
00:39:42.000 That's hilarious.
00:39:43.000 I'm terrible at basketball.
00:39:44.000 Yeah.
00:39:45.000 But I don't practice it.
00:39:46.000 If I play basketball three times a year.
00:39:48.000 But the thing is, they don't like to play with me after an hour and a half, because then I start to get a feel for it.
00:39:53.000 Now I know where that ball is.
00:39:57.000 Adjustments have It's been made.
00:39:58.000 And they start finding out where that hole is.
00:40:00.000 They're like, alright, second half.
00:40:01.000 We'll see.
00:40:02.000 We'll see what happens.
00:40:03.000 I do that with my wrist.
00:40:04.000 It seems to be more accurate.
00:40:06.000 But imagine doing that and then moving and someone's trying to block you and then you're shooting at the same time.
00:40:12.000 Jesus Christ.
00:40:14.000 But we're obsessed with that.
00:40:16.000 Golf scene's impossible.
00:40:17.000 When you break it down, there's a small ball there.
00:40:19.000 I'm going to take a stick.
00:40:21.000 No.
00:40:22.000 Zero chance to ever make that.
00:40:24.000 Crazy.
00:40:24.000 What a wacky game.
00:40:26.000 And you also, you know, the more you find out about it, the crazier it gets, because you have to do your backswing, and then everything falls into motion.
00:40:35.000 It's not even like you're hitting the ball with a stick.
00:40:37.000 Your hips are turning first, your arms are coming second, your wrists are coming third.
00:40:42.000 You have to remember to follow through.
00:40:44.000 You have to keep your head exactly where it was when you started, or else you're going to hit below the ball or above the ball, which is a freaking embarrassing nightmare.
00:40:53.000 It's like when you mess up a break shot on pool, right?
00:40:56.000 That can happen.
00:40:57.000 Yeah, and it can be completely embarrassing.
00:40:59.000 There's so many funny golf Instagram pages and stuff.
00:41:03.000 They're the best.
00:41:04.000 They really are, and you can almost guarantee that...
00:41:07.000 Everyone's a hit.
00:41:09.000 What is this?
00:41:10.000 Michael Jordan talking about.
00:41:11.000 For a competitive person like me, this is what keeps me sane, you know, because when I walk away from the game of basketball, you know, that was enough to keep my competitive juices working.
00:41:21.000 Absolutely.
00:41:22.000 Now when I don't have that game, this game, and it even drives me crazy then.
00:41:27.000 Now I go fishing in between my golf because I got to show patience in fishing that's going to be relative to golf.
00:41:36.000 So he just plays golf like that's his life now.
00:41:41.000 That's what he loves.
00:41:42.000 That's his competitive life.
00:41:42.000 Are you texting people while the show's going?
00:41:43.000 I'm sending this to Jamie.
00:41:45.000 Son of a bitch, he's texting.
00:41:46.000 He's been on that phone for five minutes.
00:41:48.000 I'm finally going to check his Instagram likes.
00:41:50.000 Did Instagram ban you?
00:41:51.000 Instagram did ban me.
00:41:53.000 What the fuck, man?
00:41:54.000 Hate speech.
00:41:55.000 Too much hate speech, they said.
00:41:57.000 They're changing what hate speech is.
00:42:00.000 Tell everybody what happened.
00:42:02.000 One of them was my tour posters.
00:42:06.000 I let my fans do.
00:42:07.000 Rename my tour, if it makes me laugh.
00:42:09.000 Genius, by the way.
00:42:10.000 Yeah, it's really- Rules are rules.
00:42:12.000 Bet's a bet.
00:42:12.000 It's a great idea.
00:42:13.000 Thanks.
00:42:14.000 You post them, and they're funny, and you allow people to get their name out there, like people do graphic art.
00:42:19.000 One of them was the Wrong Side of History tour.
00:42:22.000 Great, okay.
00:42:22.000 I can name it.
00:42:23.000 That's a good, solid tour name.
00:42:24.000 The next one was the Hitler Gave Me Gonorrhea tour.
00:42:28.000 And it's just a picture of Hitler with his hand over me.
00:42:30.000 Was that a problem?
00:42:31.000 They had a problem with that one?
00:42:32.000 Hate speech!
00:42:32.000 Wait a minute.
00:42:33.000 They're both hate speech?
00:42:34.000 That was hate speech.
00:42:35.000 The first one was too?
00:42:36.000 The first one was not hate speech.
00:42:37.000 The first one was okay.
00:42:37.000 But that one was hate speech.
00:42:39.000 Hate speech.
00:42:39.000 They don't like Hitler.
00:42:41.000 They don't like mentions of Hitler.
00:42:42.000 But if you're a Jew, shouldn't you get a pass?
00:42:45.000 Joe, you're asking a great question.
00:42:46.000 I think you should.
00:42:48.000 I think you should get a pass.
00:42:49.000 It's like if I make Guinea jokes, if I make jokes about Italian people, I get a pass on that.
00:42:54.000 Those are my people.
00:42:55.000 I think also, even if you're not, if you said, Hitler gave me gonorrhea, you're clearly the shit-on person in that joke.
00:43:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:43:02.000 No matter what you are.
00:43:04.000 Yeah, it's funny.
00:43:04.000 You could be a German and it would still apply.
00:43:06.000 Yeah, Hitler gave me gonorrhea is a funny thing to say.
00:43:09.000 I'm not saying the Holocaust was good?
00:43:10.000 No, exactly.
00:43:12.000 And you're not saying that you gave Hitler gonorrhea.
00:43:14.000 You're not saying that you performed a sexual act on him.
00:43:16.000 I'm the one who got gonorrhea.
00:43:17.000 I'll do you one better.
00:43:18.000 He's not even saying Hitler gave me gonorrhea.
00:43:21.000 He's saying it's funny to say Hitler gave me gonorrhea.
00:43:24.000 That's the second level of it.
00:43:25.000 I'm forced to say this bad thing.
00:43:28.000 Don't you understand that this is just fun and this is not a real thing?
00:43:32.000 You can't say this is hate speech.
00:43:34.000 This is a silly nonsense thing to say.
00:43:36.000 It has nothing to do with hate.
00:43:38.000 It's not true.
00:43:39.000 It's funny to name your tour after this ridiculous thing.
00:43:41.000 Exactly.
00:43:42.000 Now I have to.
00:43:43.000 So the idea that everyone would think, oh, that's your tour name now?
00:43:46.000 Calling that hate speech is so uncreative.
00:43:49.000 It's so...
00:43:49.000 I don't even know what the rules are anymore!
00:43:51.000 I'm right on the line.
00:43:52.000 I'm right about to be there.
00:43:53.000 You feel it.
00:43:54.000 You got some warnings.
00:43:55.000 Oh, big, big warnings.
00:43:56.000 They're literally like, this is your last.
00:43:58.000 But not my main account, but the Kill Tony account.
00:44:01.000 Literally only because of the word kill.
00:44:03.000 Because it says Kill Tony.
00:44:05.000 And you can't reach anybody.
00:44:06.000 You'll be like, hey, just mark this as safe, please.
00:44:08.000 The name of the show.
00:44:11.000 Of a comedy show.
00:44:13.000 Because there might be a Tony out there that feels like they're threatened.
00:44:17.000 Wow.
00:44:18.000 Yeah.
00:44:19.000 Wow.
00:44:20.000 Someone's saying that doctors are leaving cards.
00:44:24.000 There was some example of a card on the desk saying you can opt out if you don't want to be weighed.
00:44:30.000 Weighed?
00:44:31.000 What do you mean?
00:44:31.000 If you have to get weighed at the doctor's office, they weigh you.
00:44:35.000 Oh my god.
00:44:35.000 You can opt out if you're embarrassed about it?
00:44:37.000 Yeah.
00:44:38.000 Oh.
00:44:39.000 My.
00:44:40.000 God.
00:44:41.000 Imagine a doctor is going to do an exam on you.
00:44:43.000 One of the most important things.
00:44:44.000 Your weight?
00:44:45.000 Yeah.
00:44:46.000 Whether or not you're obese.
00:44:47.000 I mean, they should tell you.
00:44:49.000 They're in charge of your health.
00:44:51.000 They really should.
00:44:51.000 Is it privileged that you get to go in there and, like, that's your moment?
00:44:54.000 Like, no, I get to see exactly what I weigh.
00:44:56.000 I'm always like, sweet.
00:44:57.000 For the next, like, few weeks, I can tell people precisely.
00:45:00.000 Yeah, you move that little scale, you get it right on there.
00:45:01.000 The real one, there's no, like, this might be off.
00:45:03.000 Yeah, it's like you're in wrestling class.
00:45:05.000 Yeah.
00:45:05.000 Yeah, there's no fucking reason why that.
00:45:08.000 You would ever stop doing that.
00:45:10.000 You have to weigh people.
00:45:11.000 Yeah.
00:45:12.000 What the fuck are you talking about?
00:45:13.000 I don't know.
00:45:13.000 That's how you know progress.
00:45:14.000 Yeah.
00:45:15.000 Like if someone's on a diet and they're cleaning up their life and they're getting healthy, what's one of the best indicators?
00:45:19.000 You can weigh them.
00:45:20.000 I mean, you shouldn't be obsessed on any one thing.
00:45:22.000 Yeah, you should just try to be healthy.
00:45:24.000 But if you used to be 500 pounds and now you're 400 pounds, that's a good thing.
00:45:28.000 And vice versa means something you should concentrate on.
00:45:31.000 Yeah.
00:45:31.000 Wait.
00:45:32.000 Kill.
00:45:32.000 Every time.
00:45:33.000 Kill.
00:45:33.000 Yeah.
00:45:34.000 Kill Tony.
00:45:34.000 Just calling it the name is a problem.
00:45:36.000 And they're going to ban the thing.
00:45:37.000 You're going to have to call it KT. K-Tony.
00:45:39.000 Basically, yeah.
00:45:39.000 Those are the adjustments that we have to make to the post.
00:45:42.000 The KC show.
00:45:44.000 That sounds so much lamer.
00:45:46.000 Oh, my God.
00:45:46.000 That sounds like morning radio.
00:45:48.000 We're so lost.
00:45:49.000 One thing we've realized is that if you just turn the eye into an exclamation point or like little dumb things that is just, you have to show some effort, I guess.
00:46:00.000 Yeah.
00:46:01.000 It's weird and creepy.
00:46:03.000 Sigh.
00:46:03.000 It's an effort to be like, no one who follows you or sees this is going to get it wrong.
00:46:08.000 Right.
00:46:08.000 And that's another thing, is these people are following you.
00:46:11.000 So it's like, you should be entrusted with whatever, you could lose followers.
00:46:16.000 That should be the punishment.
00:46:18.000 That's what I always thought when I posted my, first time I got banned, posted a dump.
00:46:22.000 And they're like, you're gone.
00:46:24.000 And I'm like, let them unfollow me.
00:46:26.000 They're doing it in droves.
00:46:27.000 Let them do it.
00:46:28.000 It's disgusting.
00:46:29.000 But don't take me away from the people who are like, I don't mind.
00:46:32.000 Well, the problem is you could show up in their algorithm.
00:46:34.000 I'm still just a dump.
00:46:35.000 And then you get suggested.
00:46:36.000 Now you love dumps.
00:46:38.000 Now you're just getting dump pictures?
00:46:39.000 Do you ever look into when you're searching and you just find things?
00:46:45.000 There should be a way to mark, yeah, there should be a way to mark, say, this is only for people on my feed.
00:46:49.000 This one's not, this one's sensitive.
00:46:51.000 That's good.
00:46:51.000 Yeah.
00:46:52.000 Yeah, that would be a good way.
00:46:53.000 Don't let it out.
00:46:54.000 That would be a good way to do it.
00:46:55.000 You ever see one of those, like, bomb videos going off and it's always, like, blurry?
00:46:58.000 And you're like, hey, careful.
00:47:00.000 And so you click on it.
00:47:01.000 Have those, let me set it.
00:47:03.000 Yes.
00:47:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:47:04.000 Or animal attack videos or some shit.
00:47:06.000 With my new fucking account.
00:47:07.000 How do you promote your thing without a fucking thing?
00:47:09.000 It's hard.
00:47:10.000 It's hard.
00:47:12.000 You gotta stop showing your shit, son.
00:47:14.000 That wasn't this time.
00:47:16.000 Yeah.
00:47:18.000 And then there was a Jesus fucking Christ door and it was a picture of me fucking me.
00:47:22.000 And they're like, yeah.
00:47:24.000 But no nudity.
00:47:27.000 It's just, you know, don't put them in the suggestion column.
00:47:31.000 Yeah, yeah, help us out.
00:47:32.000 You know, like suggested for you or whatever it is.
00:47:34.000 Do you know what I'm talking about?
00:47:35.000 But then again, if the people are into that type of thing, why can't they get it?
00:47:38.000 Why can't they get it?
00:47:39.000 It's not hurting anybody.
00:47:40.000 Why can't they get that?
00:47:40.000 Why is one sense of humor better or different than another?
00:47:43.000 It's not even a right-wing, left-wing thing.
00:47:45.000 I think there's certain people where if they had to look at your shit, it would not be a pleasant experience.
00:47:50.000 That's fair.
00:47:51.000 Let's move on past the shit.
00:47:52.000 Because I admit some fault in that one.
00:47:53.000 It was a particularly bloody shit.
00:47:55.000 It wasn't just a normal shit.
00:47:57.000 Oh, it was?
00:47:57.000 Oh, yeah.
00:47:58.000 It was like gummy-like.
00:47:59.000 Ari has bloody shits.
00:48:00.000 Yeah.
00:48:00.000 It was bad.
00:48:01.000 I'll find it for you later.
00:48:02.000 It was bad.
00:48:03.000 Like, it doesn't make sense.
00:48:05.000 Yeah.
00:48:07.000 Yeah, there should be a...
00:48:09.000 I don't know why they don't, right?
00:48:10.000 Is it a financial decision?
00:48:12.000 Is it a social engineering decision?
00:48:15.000 They want everyone to be the same.
00:48:16.000 They want one fucking...
00:48:17.000 Everyone the same so they can market the same to everyone with the least amount of effort.
00:48:20.000 Let us...
00:48:20.000 We're all different.
00:48:21.000 Let us have our different experiences.
00:48:23.000 But here's another thing that we have to make a concession about, or at least talk about.
00:48:30.000 It's like, who's responsible for when you hear about kids getting fucked up from social media, like particularly girls...
00:48:38.000 This shouldn't be on there!
00:48:39.000 ...how it fucks up their stuff, but they're gonna be.
00:48:40.000 Everybody's on there.
00:48:41.000 They're all gonna be on it.
00:48:43.000 Like, who's responsible?
00:48:44.000 And what do they do to stop things that could possibly bite them in the ass?
00:48:49.000 Like, are they making decisions that are financial decisions?
00:48:52.000 Like, are they looking at people putting up fucked up things like that and go, hey, we could get sued, or we can get taken down, or people could write articles about how we won't...
00:49:01.000 And then our stock could drop.
00:49:04.000 I mean, is that what they're doing?
00:49:05.000 Some of it, because it's not one person.
00:49:07.000 It's a conglomerate of people who just want dividends.
00:49:09.000 That's why there's always forest fires here, because PG&E is like, eh, we've got to give shareholder dividends.
00:49:13.000 So, same thing here.
00:49:14.000 They won't do it.
00:49:15.000 But the reality is, if they know they're leading people to suicide, shut the whole thing down.
00:49:20.000 Until you figure out how to do it without that.
00:49:22.000 I have a friend who works for a big media company, and we were having this conversation, and she was saying that a lot of the people that work there also consider themselves activists.
00:49:31.000 Because they're doing social change.
00:49:32.000 That's what they think.
00:49:33.000 They're concentrating on their own good.
00:49:34.000 Yeah, they're not just thinking about their job.
00:49:38.000 They're thinking about the fact that they could enact change in the world.
00:49:42.000 You're making people upset about things all over the country and the world to do nothing.
00:49:47.000 You're just filling us up with anxiety and fear.
00:49:49.000 You're right.
00:49:50.000 For nothing.
00:49:50.000 You're not an activist.
00:49:51.000 You're ruining everybody's life.
00:49:53.000 You understand why, if everybody accepts that definition, they actually think they are because they get involved in social issues and they spread emails and they have meetings.
00:50:01.000 I get it, but you're doing it wrong.
00:50:03.000 You're doing it wrong.
00:50:05.000 Well, everyone's less happy.
00:50:07.000 Everybody out there is less happy.
00:50:09.000 And everybody feels it.
00:50:10.000 They're doing it wrong.
00:50:11.000 Make them do it right so we're not all fucking hating our brothers.
00:50:14.000 It's dumb.
00:50:15.000 It's clearly fucking us all up.
00:50:17.000 It is, but it's interesting.
00:50:18.000 Everybody's at each other's throats.
00:50:19.000 It's terrible, and they're doing it.
00:50:21.000 Stop it!
00:50:22.000 You can't do that shit!
00:50:24.000 None of us signed up for that.
00:50:25.000 It's bullshit.
00:50:26.000 We all feel less happy.
00:50:28.000 All of us.
00:50:29.000 Tell me I'm wrong.
00:50:30.000 From 10 years ago to now.
00:50:31.000 What do you suggest?
00:50:32.000 I'm saying they're hurting all of us and we didn't give them permission to do that!
00:50:35.000 In what way?
00:50:36.000 We're in there hating each other.
00:50:38.000 The way we turn against our neighbors now.
00:50:40.000 That's all new.
00:50:40.000 The way we're like, I don't talk to my mom anywhere because she voted this way.
00:50:43.000 That's crazy!
00:50:44.000 That was never a thing.
00:50:45.000 They're doing that to us!
00:50:47.000 And we signed up under the idea that we're sharing pictures of our fucking food and then they turned each other on each other!
00:50:52.000 It's awful!
00:50:53.000 You eat your bloody shit?
00:50:56.000 We never signed up for this.
00:50:57.000 I know you can't exist without Facebook.
00:50:59.000 You can't be a mom without that.
00:51:01.000 What do you think they're doing?
00:51:02.000 We're unable to stop.
00:51:04.000 We're unable to stop.
00:51:05.000 So if you just put all chemicals in all food without labeling it and be like, well, they keep eating it.
00:51:09.000 It's like, yeah, you're putting additives in there.
00:51:10.000 You have to warn us on things like that.
00:51:12.000 They're testing us.
00:51:13.000 They're putting us forth the stuff that makes us angry on purpose.
00:51:17.000 Everybody knows that.
00:51:18.000 They make you see the stuff that makes you angry.
00:51:20.000 So then you're living in a world where you're constantly angry.
00:51:23.000 You, by your own admission...
00:51:25.000 Change your algorithm by looking at puppies.
00:51:27.000 For a moment, because they also tell you, hey, just so you know, two years ago, you also looked at this thing.
00:51:31.000 So we're going to send you a few reminders there until you get sucked back in on it.
00:51:35.000 Until you get sucked back in on hate?
00:51:36.000 Whatever it is that gets you in there all the time, and mostly, it's fucking anxiety and fear.
00:51:43.000 I mean, tell me if I'm wrong.
00:51:44.000 Tell me you don't feel the same way over how you were a while ago.
00:51:47.000 You're 100% right.
00:51:48.000 We're all doing better.
00:51:49.000 You're 100% right, but here's my question.
00:51:51.000 Is it us?
00:51:52.000 Are we doing it to ourselves?
00:51:53.000 Is this a natural function of being a person with too much access to information and you only concentrate on the bad stuff?
00:51:59.000 Because you get all the news.
00:52:01.000 You get the whole planet's news.
00:52:02.000 But you ever like somebody's picture and then suddenly you start seeing all their pictures way, way more?
00:52:07.000 They're like, oh, he shows interest in this.
00:52:09.000 Let's put it forth to him more.
00:52:11.000 It's the stuff that you're against.
00:52:12.000 It's the stuff that you're like, oh, I hate that guy.
00:52:14.000 He got his.
00:52:15.000 They're going to put that more towards us.
00:52:17.000 So that's your world.
00:52:18.000 But it's also because that's what we concentrate on.
00:52:21.000 People in New York are fucking hating each other.
00:52:23.000 Yeah, I was going to say, maybe they can measure if you're lingering on something.
00:52:24.000 I know, I know.
00:52:24.000 Well, fuck that was humans.
00:52:25.000 And they're using that to make us all less happy.
00:52:28.000 Right, but it's our own will.
00:52:29.000 Like, if we have will...
00:52:31.000 Then the will is we have to collectively agree to stop communicating like that.
00:52:35.000 Sure.
00:52:36.000 I think they should.
00:52:37.000 But in the meantime, they're making sure you see – remember when Fox News and MSNBC said one-third anti-news and two-thirds pro-news and pro-war and then the other way for the other network?
00:52:46.000 Just to push people slightly into thinking the war is good or bad.
00:52:50.000 Right.
00:52:50.000 Right?
00:52:51.000 They're not showing us everything all at once.
00:52:54.000 It used to be you would just see your feed.
00:52:56.000 If you post it, I saw your thing.
00:52:57.000 If you post it 10 times, I see your 10 things in a row.
00:52:59.000 Now they don't show everybody everything.
00:53:01.000 And they're mostly showing you the stuff they know is gonna make you mad.
00:53:06.000 Jealousy about your friends doing shit.
00:53:08.000 Other people looking better than you.
00:53:10.000 So when these girls are looking online, they're seeing these girls that look hotter than them.
00:53:13.000 They're more showing them that than the normal pictures, which is just them sitting down with their brother.
00:53:18.000 Right, but Ari, it's because that's what people engage with.
00:53:21.000 It's not that they're trying to get you mad.
00:53:23.000 And they're taking advantage of it.
00:53:24.000 I agree.
00:53:25.000 They know they're doing it now.
00:53:26.000 Before Philip Morris knew about the cancer, they weren't doing anything wrong.
00:53:30.000 Once they knew about the cancer, and then they covered it up, at that point, you're killing people.
00:53:34.000 You're doing terrible things.
00:53:36.000 You're taking away our happiness.
00:53:38.000 Okay, so do you suggest— It's nuts!
00:53:40.000 In New York, they're looking—they were all on the same liberal side, and everyone's looking for an enemy all the time.
00:53:44.000 It's like what you said about those girls who watch the fucking crime shows.
00:53:47.000 They think crime's all around them, and they're only showing us the fucking horrible things.
00:53:51.000 Way more percentage.
00:53:53.000 This is the CEO of Instagram and what they said in a Senate subcommittee.
00:53:56.000 About my banning?
00:53:57.000 Okay, it says, we want people to have meaningful control over their experience.
00:54:02.000 We've been experimenting with favorites, a way for you to decide whose posts you want to see higher up, and we're working on another option to see posts from people you follow in chronological order that don't take photos of their shit.
00:54:17.000 No.
00:54:18.000 No, they left that part out.
00:54:19.000 And we're working on another option.
00:54:20.000 I had a chance to talk about this briefly today.
00:54:22.000 It's important to me that people have meaningful control over their experience, and I believe a place where you can see everything from the accounts you follow in chronological order is an important thing.
00:54:32.000 Yeah, that's good.
00:54:34.000 Yeah.
00:54:34.000 And that's how it used to be.
00:54:35.000 That's how it used to be.
00:54:36.000 Now they'll put something two days ago.
00:54:39.000 You know what I mean?
00:54:40.000 Two days ago?
00:54:41.000 Is something that will pop up?
00:54:42.000 And I'm like, oh.
00:54:45.000 All they're trying to do is encourage engagement, right?
00:54:47.000 Is it bad because it makes you more addicted?
00:54:50.000 What's bad about it?
00:54:51.000 Listen, if their engagement is like, hey, this is a great service.
00:54:53.000 Come on all you want.
00:54:54.000 It's Netflix or if it's Spotify even or something like that.
00:54:57.000 It's like, do you like this service?
00:54:58.000 Well, it's here for you.
00:55:00.000 Use it as much as you want.
00:55:01.000 Use it more.
00:55:01.000 Fine.
00:55:02.000 But if they're pushing you to do stuff that's damaging to you in order to get that, then it's like, no, no.
00:55:06.000 Now it's not fine.
00:55:07.000 Now it's not just a better product that we're going for.
00:55:09.000 Right.
00:55:10.000 Now you're fucking experimenting to sell ads.
00:55:15.000 There's one thing if you can trick somebody eating food that's not healthy for them by a good commercial, but it's another thing.
00:55:22.000 They're addicted.
00:55:22.000 You can't be a mother now without going on a mommy blog, without going on a mommy group to help raise your kid right.
00:55:29.000 I bet Duncan's wife doesn't.
00:55:30.000 If you're not talking to your friends now online, you have to be to keep up as a parent.
00:55:35.000 Maybe that's true.
00:55:36.000 I bet Duncan's mom keeps it together.
00:55:38.000 I bet she's on there.
00:55:40.000 It's not just that good stuff.
00:55:41.000 I bet she is.
00:55:42.000 I bet she's mommy blogging.
00:55:43.000 The mommy blogging part's good.
00:55:45.000 They still do good stuff.
00:55:47.000 I have a question, though.
00:55:48.000 What?
00:55:48.000 If they put out an Instagram 2 and said, like, we're going to make some new changes to this new app, do you think people would all migrate to the new app or just stay on the thing they've been using the whole time?
00:55:57.000 They have to make it, like, not there anymore.
00:56:00.000 Delete it.
00:56:01.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:56:01.000 Say you have a year to switch over or whatever.
00:56:03.000 Six months.
00:56:04.000 Like, a video game can put out a new...
00:56:06.000 Like, people are addicted to the games, but the game dies until they put out a new version of it.
00:56:11.000 But you have to go buy the new version.
00:56:12.000 Everybody has to buy it again to get re-addicted.
00:56:15.000 They can't really put out new versions of these apps that everybody's addicted to.
00:56:18.000 They kind of just have to keep changing it while it's there, while people are still using it.
00:56:23.000 Yeah.
00:56:25.000 Or the business dies.
00:56:26.000 That idea could be smart, though, having a two, and if you sign up for two, everybody that signs up for Instagram two, that already followed you on Instagram one, just following you on Instagram two, or you could select starting from scratch, perhaps.
00:56:41.000 Maybe they could give you an option.
00:56:44.000 Yeah.
00:56:46.000 The likes ended up, that's what makes everybody commit suicide, is not getting enough, comparing yourself to other people.
00:56:51.000 I also have a little bit of a conspiracy.
00:56:52.000 But let me ask you this.
00:56:53.000 Let's say I give Ari the reins to take over a social media platform.
00:56:58.000 What do you do different?
00:56:59.000 Do you get rid of all the algorithms?
00:57:01.000 Get rid of the algorithms.
00:57:02.000 I hate being treated like a fucking wallet.
00:57:04.000 We all sort of hate saying something out loud, nice cigar, and then I know I'm going to get ads now for cigars.
00:57:11.000 That's all fine, I guess.
00:57:12.000 It's just for advertising, but you're not changing my mood to do it.
00:57:17.000 Yeah, you want to hear something even weirder?
00:57:20.000 Blair White told me that she had an app on her phone.
00:57:25.000 Was it TikTok?
00:57:27.000 I think it was TikTok.
00:57:29.000 So she met this girl at the gym.
00:57:32.000 They were talking at the gym.
00:57:34.000 They didn't exchange phone numbers.
00:57:36.000 They didn't exchange texts.
00:57:37.000 Then all of a sudden, that girl showed up in her feed.
00:57:40.000 And she said that girl had like 200 followers or something.
00:57:44.000 They know you probably have proximity.
00:57:46.000 That doesn't surprise me at all.
00:57:47.000 If your location's on, they know.
00:57:49.000 I read something wild about how this works.
00:57:51.000 Your phone, it's like a number.
00:57:54.000 It doesn't know who you are, but it knows this number you're attached to.
00:57:57.000 They can get the data from where your phone is at certain times.
00:58:01.000 So they assume where you're at from 1 to 4 a.m.
00:58:03.000 is probably at home.
00:58:05.000 So they find when you're at a place the most at 1 to 4 a.m.
00:58:08.000 and can find out exactly where you live.
00:58:10.000 So then they know who you are based on other data.
00:58:12.000 And they know how to send you ads there for a sleep number mattress then.
00:58:15.000 Which is like bad but not terrible because it's not doing anything to you.
00:58:18.000 It's just treating you like a wallet you didn't sign up for.
00:58:20.000 But that's another level when it introduces you to someone that your phone was near.
00:58:23.000 Yeah.
00:58:24.000 For sure.
00:58:24.000 That's so creepy.
00:58:26.000 You go to someone's profile, and then within a day, you're getting a text, hey, how you been, man?
00:58:30.000 Just thought about you.
00:58:31.000 Yeah, bro.
00:58:31.000 Our phones are talking to each other.
00:58:33.000 Oh, yeah.
00:58:34.000 I mean, this is what's happening.
00:58:35.000 Yeah.
00:58:36.000 There's artificial intelligence involved, for sure.
00:58:39.000 But I want to go back to this question.
00:58:40.000 What else would you do differently?
00:58:42.000 So you would get rid of the algorithms, and I do think, as much as I like to think that the algorithms can be, you could have willpower, and just only look at interesting things, and you get only interesting things in your feed.
00:58:55.000 I also know that there's a lot of people that are susceptible to a lot of weird shit in life like that.
00:59:05.000 Remember when they said you couldn't market cigarettes to minors anymore?
00:59:08.000 They stopped Joe Camel, who I know I resemble.
00:59:14.000 But they were like, hey, that's not fair.
00:59:16.000 The defense started up and you're going to dick them forever.
00:59:18.000 That's not fair.
00:59:18.000 But here's the thing.
00:59:20.000 Here's some issues, like teenage girls.
00:59:23.000 They have a lot of body image issues that come off of these Instagram pages.
00:59:29.000 So what would be the solution to that?
00:59:32.000 You can't stop them from posting their pictures, right?
00:59:36.000 And then girls are always going to compare.
00:59:38.000 And that's the thing about body types and especially with young girls, a lot of it is just a wild genetic roll of the dice.
00:59:46.000 You got lucky and you got this amazing body.
00:59:48.000 That does happen.
00:59:50.000 And for some girls, it's infuriating and it makes them so jealous and it fills them with anxiety and also gives them weird feelings about their own body.
00:59:57.000 And you're supposed to leave that at school and then not think about it while you're at home after that for the next 16 hours.
01:00:02.000 No, now it's constantly.
01:00:03.000 Then there's the bullying.
01:00:04.000 They bully each other.
01:00:06.000 So, like, they'll pile onto one girl or another girl, and they'll go after each other, and they'll, you know, shame each other.
01:00:11.000 Girls are exceptional bullying.
01:00:13.000 Way better than us.
01:00:14.000 Yeah.
01:00:14.000 So, like, if that doesn't stop, the emotional bullying, stop when you get, at least the guys, like, I can't beat you up online, but, like, the girls can do exactly what they do online for 16 hours a day.
01:00:24.000 But this is the problem with social media and children.
01:00:27.000 It's like children are not designed for that.
01:00:28.000 You're designed to learn how to communicate and make friends with a group of people that are around you.
01:00:33.000 But then when you're sniping at each other late at night with like these evil text messages.
01:00:39.000 Yeah.
01:00:39.000 Group text messages.
01:00:40.000 Do you let your kids have them?
01:00:44.000 Yeah, it's a conversation we should have privately.
01:00:46.000 I honestly, I'm not a parent.
01:00:48.000 I'll tell you how I regulate it, but I do.
01:00:51.000 I talk to my siblings.
01:00:52.000 I talk to cousins.
01:00:53.000 I don't have kids.
01:00:54.000 I think you're crazy if you let anyone under 18 have one of those.
01:00:57.000 I think it's nuts to let them have access to that.
01:01:00.000 There's two arguments.
01:01:02.000 Yes, it's definitely dangerous.
01:01:05.000 And two, if they don't do it and all their friends do it, they feel like a fucking outcast and a weirdo.
01:01:10.000 Yeah, I guess so.
01:01:11.000 And it's going to get into their lives anyway.
01:01:14.000 So what do you think we should suggest?
01:01:16.000 Start talking to each other.
01:01:18.000 Get all the parents in a class to be like, guys, we've got to get them off.
01:01:20.000 You've all seen it.
01:01:22.000 What?
01:01:22.000 You also got to talk to the kids, too.
01:01:24.000 You can't keep them in the dark.
01:01:25.000 You got to talk to them about what's happening.
01:01:29.000 Tell them, show them their studies and stuff.
01:01:31.000 Kids are smart now.
01:01:32.000 Way smarter than we were.
01:01:34.000 I played a documentary for them.
01:01:35.000 I played that Social Dilemma documentary.
01:01:39.000 For who?
01:01:39.000 For your kids?
01:01:40.000 For my kids.
01:01:40.000 I mean, it's pretty obvious after you see it.
01:01:42.000 They put it in real terms.
01:01:43.000 Yeah, it shows you what's going on.
01:01:45.000 It makes you think what the negative aspects of this are.
01:01:50.000 You delete an app, and then it's back on, and suddenly you're like, I don't know when it got back on.
01:01:55.000 Really?
01:01:56.000 Yeah, people say that all the time.
01:01:58.000 I deleted Instagram, and then it's like, oh, I guess I have it again.
01:02:00.000 I'm not saying they put it back on.
01:02:01.000 They just started doing it because they got bored.
01:02:03.000 What do you mean?
01:02:03.000 Your phone came back on?
01:02:04.000 What are you saying?
01:02:04.000 No, you take Instagram off your phone, so you don't fucking think about it all the time.
01:02:08.000 And then people are like, two months later, I guess I'm back on all the time.
01:02:11.000 Oh, and then they just put it back on.
01:02:11.000 Yeah.
01:02:12.000 Yeah.
01:02:15.000 Here's the other thing.
01:02:16.000 You're in a fucking car and you're a passenger and you're driving somewhere and no one's talking.
01:02:22.000 It's nice to look at it.
01:02:23.000 Yeah, sure.
01:02:24.000 Absolutely.
01:02:24.000 It is that too.
01:02:26.000 It's just every time I check in on the cultural conversation, people are more off the rails.
01:02:30.000 I have a little bit of a conspiracy theory that the push by media...
01:02:35.000 Because I found it weird that media was covering that Instagram's causing mental health issues.
01:02:40.000 And I thought to myself, Facebook owns Instagram.
01:02:44.000 And if they make it look like Instagram's the naughty one that the kids shouldn't be on, and Facebook always plays to a little bit of an older crowd, it's an older app, right?
01:02:53.000 Then it makes it look like Facebook is the lesser of two evils.
01:02:56.000 But meanwhile, they own everything.
01:02:58.000 It's just the same company.
01:02:58.000 So by making Instagram look, well, you could be on Facebook as long as you want, but Instagram only an hour a day.
01:03:04.000 You sound like a conspiracy theorist.
01:03:05.000 I mean, I'm just keeping an eye on it.
01:03:08.000 I don't know, but they're not doing it right.
01:03:09.000 There needs to be some sort of regulation or something.
01:03:13.000 I don't know.
01:03:14.000 I don't know why he would let you have kids.
01:03:17.000 I see what you're saying.
01:03:19.000 I think we're moving in a general direction of connectivity that's going to be very uncomfortable.
01:03:26.000 And I don't think it's avoidable.
01:03:27.000 I think at this point we've passed any markers that would indicate to me that we have any indication that people are interested in slowing down.
01:03:38.000 That people are interested in reversing course.
01:03:40.000 Small groups of people.
01:03:42.000 It's almost like we're sliding towards the edge of a cliff.
01:03:45.000 And small groups of people are like, you know, I think I'm going to get off the raft and I'm going to go over here and I'm going to just plant tomatoes.
01:03:52.000 I'm not going to ride this thing off the rails.
01:03:54.000 But a lot of people are just going to ride it right off the cliff.
01:03:57.000 Most people are just going to ride it right off the cliff.
01:03:59.000 Yeah, and the people that leave are like, why aren't you guys all getting off?
01:04:02.000 Yeah.
01:04:05.000 It's bad.
01:04:07.000 It favors a world where you just speak a response without thinking.
01:04:11.000 It's like, come on, come on, you read the headline.
01:04:12.000 Weigh in.
01:04:13.000 So all conversation is almost meaningless.
01:04:17.000 It doesn't favor what you want to teach your children.
01:04:19.000 Think about stuff.
01:04:21.000 Make an informed decision.
01:04:22.000 Now it's like, I read this, here's my reaction.
01:04:24.000 It's a lot of virtue signaling.
01:04:25.000 One thing that I noticed during the chaos that I went through a few months ago is that the tweet that happened, there was more quote tweets than retweets.
01:04:36.000 So everybody's taking this thing that looks bad and giving their opinion on it.
01:04:41.000 I can't believe anything like this.
01:04:42.000 There's no excuse in the world.
01:04:45.000 And the ones everybody sees more, the negative ones.
01:04:47.000 So you see like, oh, I guess everybody hates- I should do it too.
01:04:49.000 If I don't say anything, they're going to think that I find this acceptable.
01:04:53.000 Yeah.
01:04:53.000 And then you're seeing everybody think somebody's terrible or the president's terrible or whatever's terrible.
01:04:58.000 We've been given this extraordinary ability to communicate with each other without any understanding of what the effects of it are and how to use it correctly, how to manage it.
01:05:08.000 None.
01:05:08.000 I mean, other classes on- Like, what's the best way to communicate with people online where you can teach people?
01:05:15.000 What's the best way to interact?
01:05:17.000 That should be, actually.
01:05:17.000 In schools.
01:05:18.000 If that's the way it's gonna be, you gotta teach them how to operate online.
01:05:20.000 Deal with the anxiety of someone criticizing you online or the anxiety of someone embarrassing you online.
01:05:25.000 Because there's certain things that happen to kids like that that I think are fucking devastating.
01:05:29.000 My concern is that this is a cliff that we're flying on, but it's not just this part of it.
01:05:35.000 It's the nature of technology getting intertwined in your life in an inescapable manner, and it's happening.
01:05:45.000 It's happening to the point where we're going to be reliant completely on some kind of technology, and it's one step towards us integrating.
01:05:54.000 Biology and electronics, there's going to be a complete symbiosis.
01:06:00.000 That's going to happen in our lifetime.
01:06:02.000 And the problem with that, obviously, is it's terrible.
01:06:05.000 You know how you're a different person in front of different people?
01:06:07.000 Yeah.
01:06:08.000 So the way we talk to each other is different than...
01:06:10.000 Yeah, that's the most fun thing about having a comedian friend.
01:06:13.000 Exactly.
01:06:13.000 You look around like, damn, I'm glad nobody heard that.
01:06:15.000 I ran into Ari today at the coffee shop that I go to every day here in Austin, coincidentally.
01:06:21.000 And I'm like, hey, dude, you know, this is what it would be like if we ran into each other.
01:06:24.000 If you lived here in Austin, and without any hesitation, he just tapped me right in the dick and balls.
01:06:30.000 Doubled him over.
01:06:32.000 And I immediately flopped down.
01:06:35.000 I immediately flopped down and sat next to him and noticed, you know, other people are looking like, wow, whatever that just was.
01:06:42.000 To us, completely natural.
01:06:43.000 I'm like, so what do you want?
01:06:44.000 You want a coffee or something?
01:06:45.000 Yeah, you're like, you're right to do it.
01:06:47.000 I left myself open to it.
01:06:49.000 I think that shitposting and all the mean stuff that people do online is almost inevitable with the human animal.
01:06:56.000 We're some kind of wild primate, right?
01:06:58.000 We're just a higher level of primate.
01:07:00.000 But I also think, unlike all the other animals, we can sort through things and see a problem and offer a solution.
01:07:06.000 And I think a solution that can be offered, you're not gonna stop people from using social media, you're not gonna stop people from using phones, but you can tell them how to do it.
01:07:13.000 You can tell people, like, look, The way people communicate online in such a mean, nasty way that you wouldn't do in person, that is a weakness.
01:07:21.000 It's a weakness.
01:07:22.000 It doesn't mean what you think it means.
01:07:24.000 It doesn't mean what they're saying.
01:07:25.000 But it's a weakness.
01:07:26.000 If you're doing that, that's a weakness.
01:07:28.000 Yeah.
01:07:29.000 And that's not how human beings are supposed to communicate with each other.
01:07:31.000 It's a base.
01:07:33.000 It's a real quick-to-do thing.
01:07:38.000 A lot of the mean things that people say, I bet if you gave them time to think about it, they probably wouldn't say it.
01:07:44.000 Right.
01:07:44.000 It's like, do you really mean that?
01:07:46.000 Do you really mean that?
01:07:47.000 But in those impulsive moments where they just want to say something mean and nasty.
01:07:50.000 And that's what it favors.
01:07:51.000 The quickest response.
01:07:52.000 So that's the nastiest, like...
01:07:53.000 But it's also us.
01:07:55.000 It's us being able to communicate without the normal boundaries of, like, the social intimacy of being so close that you can hear somebody.
01:08:01.000 If you're talking to somebody, you're supposed to be able to hear them talking to you back.
01:08:05.000 So you're not allowed to have this, like, hey, this is just for some people.
01:08:08.000 You have to have real integrity to take the behavior that you only exhibit when people are around you and extend that to your digital life.
01:08:18.000 And most people don't do that.
01:08:20.000 Most people, they'll act like a real piece of shit in their digital life if you know that no one knows it's you.
01:08:26.000 Yeah, absolutely.
01:08:27.000 You know, like people love to do that and troll and make comments.
01:08:31.000 And they also expose you to stuff that you would never, like the people mad at Chappelle's like, you don't even supposed to see this.
01:08:36.000 You guys are never the audience.
01:08:37.000 You weren't even supposed to be presented this in front of you.
01:08:39.000 There's definitely people that get mad and they have a point.
01:08:42.000 They're only giving it to you because they know you're going to hate it.
01:08:44.000 It's people that never would have saw it otherwise and they can't fathom what comedy is.
01:08:49.000 That's not true.
01:08:50.000 He's one of the greatest comedians of all time.
01:08:51.000 I know, but those people were just not comedy.
01:08:53.000 You don't think trans people want to watch comedy?
01:08:53.000 Not trans people, those people that got mad.
01:08:55.000 The wokesters?
01:08:56.000 Yeah, the people that got mad.
01:08:57.000 Those specifically were never supposed to be the audience.
01:09:01.000 They were like, you guys are never going to get it.
01:09:02.000 Get out of here.
01:09:04.000 Stumbling on it themselves is different than being told by your own people that this is bad.
01:09:09.000 Someone messed up.
01:09:10.000 Oh, you're gonna hate this.
01:09:10.000 Yeah.
01:09:11.000 Like, that's your introduction for me?
01:09:12.000 Oh, it's not like, hey, it's a very funny comic.
01:09:14.000 Please welcome one of the greats.
01:09:15.000 Not that, just, you're gonna hate this.
01:09:17.000 What I was gonna say is there's definitely people that are gonna be upset, whether they're right or wrong.
01:09:21.000 Yeah.
01:09:21.000 And they wanna have a conversation with it, that's great.
01:09:23.000 But there's also people that take advantage of a moment, and they're grifters.
01:09:27.000 And those people take advantage of the moment, they expand on whatever he said and make it sound way worse than it really was.
01:09:33.000 It was really kind of almost like a love letter to his friend who died.
01:09:37.000 You know, was it historically accurate?
01:09:42.000 He's trying to make it funny.
01:09:43.000 Right, yeah.
01:09:43.000 Tell him jokes.
01:09:45.000 Obviously.
01:09:45.000 Also, he's an artist and can do whatever the fuck he wants.
01:09:47.000 Yeah, and I'm sure, you know, I mean, it's funny.
01:09:51.000 It's a funny fucking story.
01:09:52.000 It's not transphobic.
01:09:53.000 It's not.
01:09:54.000 So if you say, like, having a conversation about someone, that's a phobia of that person?
01:10:00.000 Like, are we going to do that with everything or are we just going to do that with some things?
01:10:04.000 You know, are we going to do that with all genders and all races and all...
01:10:07.000 Is everything going to be off limits to talk about it?
01:10:10.000 So what is Off Limits?
01:10:12.000 What stuff?
01:10:13.000 What stuff specifically?
01:10:13.000 Nothing.
01:10:14.000 Except the artist to figure out what he wants to talk about.
01:10:16.000 You can just not like it.
01:10:17.000 You can be like, I didn't like this version or whatever.
01:10:19.000 Here's the thing about this Chappelle special.
01:10:21.000 They don't really generally talk about what he actually said.
01:10:24.000 No.
01:10:24.000 They're not quoting anything.
01:10:26.000 They're quoting their memories of a headline that they already heard.
01:10:31.000 They've never even seen it.
01:10:32.000 Calling it transphobic, but there's not like a bit that gets singled out where people say, oh, that line.
01:10:38.000 And most of that would be out of context anyway, but there's not a bit.
01:10:42.000 Like, do you remember when Sam Kinison, there was a lot of controversy with Kinison when he was coming up, and Dice Clay in particular.
01:10:51.000 Like, and Dice Clay got banned off of...
01:10:55.000 SNL. SNL. MTV. MTV, that's right.
01:10:58.000 Because didn't he do, like, period jokes or something?
01:11:01.000 Pope.
01:11:02.000 The Pope?
01:11:03.000 No, no, no, no, no.
01:11:04.000 Sorry, that was Sinead O'Connor did the Pope, and they didn't want her on.
01:11:07.000 Dice was, like, something terrible.
01:11:08.000 Yeah.
01:11:09.000 Something awesome.
01:11:10.000 They banned him for life.
01:11:12.000 Yeah, off MTV. I think he cursed.
01:11:14.000 I think he cursed.
01:11:15.000 No, because you could curse on MTV back then, right?
01:11:16.000 No.
01:11:17.000 It was like, what did...
01:11:18.000 Fucking Rolling Stone.
01:11:19.000 Andrew Dice Clay banned for life.
01:11:22.000 1989. 1989. Okay, this is...
01:11:27.000 I was a year into comedy.
01:11:29.000 I had a point, but I've lost my point.
01:11:31.000 He went ahead and debuted two of his famous Dirty Nursery Rhymes.
01:11:34.000 Oh!
01:11:35.000 Including, Rockin' My Baby on the Treetop and Your Mother's a Whore, I Ain't Your Pop.
01:11:39.000 And said two of George Carlin's seven dirty words you can never say on television for good measure.
01:11:44.000 Oh, he went in with a fucking plan to piss these people off.
01:11:47.000 Of course.
01:11:47.000 Nice!
01:11:48.000 He's Dice Clay.
01:11:49.000 Let me ask you a question, though.
01:11:50.000 That Chappelle thing.
01:11:52.000 All those people thinking at Chappelle.
01:11:53.000 Yeah.
01:11:53.000 Why do you think you heard so much about a tiny, tiny amount of people who were saying that?
01:12:00.000 Because it's an interesting conversation to everybody else.
01:12:02.000 It's gossip.
01:12:03.000 It's almost nobody, and you hear tons about it.
01:12:05.000 Yeah, but it's the most famous comic on the planet.
01:12:08.000 Yeah.
01:12:08.000 It's a red-hot social issue that's in the news every day, and there's a conflict.
01:12:12.000 And so you're more interested in that than the 99% of people.
01:12:15.000 You hear more about that than 99% of people who go like, yep, another great fucking funny special.
01:12:20.000 You don't hear that.
01:12:21.000 They push this shit in front of you instead of that shit.
01:12:23.000 So now you're thinking there's this attack going on.
01:12:26.000 And then everyone's weighing in and everyone starts to feel something about something.
01:12:30.000 That's the shit that should be illegal.
01:12:33.000 Everything you see is curated to make you the maddest.
01:12:36.000 I see that Chappelle shit too and I'm like, what the fuck?
01:12:39.000 And I'm like, they got me again.
01:12:40.000 I shouldn't even know they're mad.
01:12:42.000 But they're doing things that'll get people to pay attention, right?
01:12:45.000 They're writing articles that'll get people to pay attention.
01:12:48.000 Their outrage is directed at getting people to pay attention because that's where the money is.
01:12:51.000 The more people read the article, the more money it generates.
01:12:56.000 Gia Tolentano wrote Jezebel and she said people used to get mad at me for the articles I wrote not knowing I was instructed by my editor to write articles that would make people upset.
01:13:06.000 See, I would have issue with that.
01:13:08.000 This is why.
01:13:09.000 If you have a name, your name's Ari Shafir, and you write an article, and that article pisses me the fuck off, and then I read an article about you later, and this article is different.
01:13:18.000 This article is just you being you.
01:13:20.000 Like, you should almost do it under a different name.
01:13:23.000 Or, like, there's a bubble of everything you do.
01:13:26.000 Well, if you, I mean, if you're gonna be, if it's just a little art project, because that's what it is.
01:13:30.000 Well, like if Woody Allen plays music, like he does, a separate thing from his normal thing, he could still go by Woody Allen.
01:13:35.000 No, no, no.
01:13:37.000 This is totally different.
01:13:39.000 If it's something that you don't want your reputation associated with in an opinion, then maybe use a pen name.
01:13:45.000 Oh, okay.
01:13:45.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:13:46.000 Totally.
01:13:46.000 Sure, sure, sure.
01:13:47.000 You should be allowed to be yourself somehow.
01:13:49.000 Well, yeah, but if you're being told, I want you to piss people off, but that's not what you would want to do.
01:13:56.000 So when you're writing it, you're not really writing it as you.
01:13:58.000 You're writing it as a job.
01:14:00.000 You're looking at it as a thing.
01:14:02.000 You're going to pretend you're a dick about something.
01:14:04.000 You're going to pretend you're outraged about something.
01:14:06.000 You're going to piss people off.
01:14:07.000 You're going to say something a little over-the-edge outrageous.
01:14:10.000 Or just tell me about something outrageous someone else did.
01:14:12.000 You're reporting these stories like, oh, so-and-so is the worst.
01:14:14.000 Not just did something a little wrong.
01:14:16.000 So-and-so is the worst.
01:14:17.000 Because it's getting you mad.
01:14:17.000 It's getting you mad.
01:14:18.000 Isn't he terrible?
01:14:19.000 Here's what else he did, Brad.
01:14:20.000 Instead of like...
01:14:21.000 You know, the New York Times story, leaving out all the consensual stuff.
01:14:23.000 If you are a person who's a writer, and you have a name, like if your name's Ari Shaffir, and I know that when I read an Ari Shaffir column, I'm going to get his thoughts and his feelings.
01:14:36.000 But if you're bullshitting because your editor told you to, because you're being paid to, you should probably have an extra name from that.
01:14:42.000 Yeah, it's bullshit.
01:14:43.000 It's not real journalism or anything, but like...
01:14:46.000 Yeah, it's gross.
01:14:47.000 Is it journalism?
01:14:48.000 It's editorialism, right?
01:14:49.000 Yeah, probably.
01:14:51.000 Journalism is stories.
01:14:53.000 Part of it is their take on things.
01:14:55.000 But also, so those negative ones are what you and me are going to end up seeing more of.
01:15:01.000 So that we just get a version of the world that everybody's hateful and angry at each other.
01:15:06.000 You ever get mad at a comic?
01:15:07.000 You're like, what?
01:15:07.000 They took that stance online?
01:15:10.000 And then you go like, I haven't seen any of their joke jokes, though, in a long time.
01:15:15.000 So why are they showing me this one?
01:15:16.000 Because they're like, oh, that one pissed off Tony.
01:15:18.000 Let me show it to Ari and Jill.
01:15:19.000 I bet they'll be pissed off with it, too.
01:15:21.000 Yeah, there's definitely that, but there's also the network of people that you follow.
01:15:24.000 They'll start sharing things, and then you'll start finding things.
01:15:27.000 We gravitate towards disaster.
01:15:29.000 Towards the negative, for sure.
01:15:30.000 Yeah, look at this.
01:15:31.000 Do you believe this person said this?
01:15:32.000 It is true.
01:15:33.000 It gets pushed forward.
01:15:34.000 We live in that world now.
01:15:35.000 And lingering over something feels like it would be more of a negative thing sometimes than a positive thing, right?
01:15:41.000 You know what I mean?
01:15:42.000 Because you're staring at something Dumbfounded, like if a comedian who I'm not that close with says something stupid in some weird political take, I do find myself reading it like 15 times.
01:15:54.000 I try to find it now by going, hey, that's a comedian.
01:15:58.000 I'm sure I can find something funny.
01:15:59.000 What were they meaning?
01:16:01.000 Maybe they weren't being...
01:16:02.000 Although the social stuff is like...
01:16:04.000 I mean, it really is a little weird, though.
01:16:05.000 You know both LA and New York.
01:16:07.000 I mean, you can admit, it is sort of crazier than ever what's going on out there, especially with the comedians.
01:16:13.000 Yeah.
01:16:13.000 It's like, what are you doing here?
01:16:15.000 What are you weighing in on something?
01:16:16.000 You're a fucking top-shelf writer in the world, and you're weighing in seriously on a subject?
01:16:21.000 It's been freaking me out for a while.
01:16:23.000 Well, they feel like it's part of the job of having these conversations with the people in your tribe to let everybody know you should keep working with me because I am on the right page.
01:16:37.000 I am there with you and I am a proponent of social justice.
01:16:41.000 Every agency in Hollywood sent letters to their fucking clients saying, hey, after George Floyd, we here at CAA, we here at William Morris, we here at ITM, we stand for social justice, that's why we've always had fucking black clients and shit like that.
01:16:54.000 You should know that if you're with us, you're on the right side of history.
01:16:57.000 They all fucking did that.
01:16:59.000 Because you have to at that moment go, oh, not me though, right?
01:17:02.000 Well, there was a fucking fever pitch in the air.
01:17:05.000 God!
01:17:05.000 And so everybody does that every once in a while.
01:17:07.000 You fall prey to it online and you post a tirade.
01:17:10.000 You ever see a multi-part tweet?
01:17:12.000 Yeah.
01:17:12.000 You're like, I can't get this all in.
01:17:14.000 Like, don't say it at all!
01:17:15.000 You know what we have to take into consideration?
01:17:16.000 We're really fortunate that we have podcasts.
01:17:19.000 Because in a podcast, you can express yourself in the exact way you would in any other way.
01:17:25.000 In real life.
01:17:25.000 Still, it's rushed.
01:17:26.000 Yeah, you're right.
01:17:27.000 But still, it's rushed.
01:17:28.000 You ever see podcast clips where it's like six of the same story?
01:17:32.000 So-and-so and so-and-so were fighting.
01:17:33.000 And then you see, like, Schultz and Dylan and Godfrey and, like, a bunch of others.
01:17:36.000 Like, oh, you all have a reaction to this.
01:17:38.000 Because they're all trying to, like...
01:17:39.000 Let me get our reaction quick.
01:17:40.000 Nobody stops and thinks about it.
01:17:42.000 You know, Henry Rollins...
01:17:43.000 Yeah, but it's things to talk about.
01:17:44.000 Yeah, I know.
01:17:44.000 But you know what Henry Rollins said, like, he takes six months before he starts writing about stuff?
01:17:48.000 He lets it set in his mind.
01:17:49.000 Right, right, right.
01:17:50.000 Valuing the opposite of that.
01:17:52.000 If you have a fucking, I don't know, Houston fucking whatever take now, it's like, now?
01:17:57.000 Who cares?
01:17:58.000 Right.
01:17:58.000 He's like, well, I've had a month to think it out.
01:18:00.000 And you're like, nah, nobody cares anymore.
01:18:02.000 It values the quick response.
01:18:04.000 And that's the world we're in now.
01:18:05.000 That's what's getting to us all the time.
01:18:07.000 Quick response.
01:18:08.000 Don't take time.
01:18:09.000 Something about...
01:18:10.000 Blech.
01:18:10.000 For some reason I'm wired that if you do it live or with friends or in front of a live audience, it's the opposite.
01:18:16.000 Because when we were at Skankfest when Astroworld happened, we were in this city that it happened in.
01:18:21.000 I was still in bed with one eye open reading about this tragedy that happened in the city that I'm in, realizing that it's a comedy festival and I have a show at noon.
01:18:31.000 And I am first.
01:18:33.000 Literally.
01:18:33.000 You got the first crack at it?
01:18:35.000 Oh yeah, they're waiting for you.
01:18:36.000 And so I was working out these...
01:18:39.000 Astroworld jokes.
01:18:40.000 By 4 p.m., it's solid.
01:18:43.000 See, that right there is the difference between a comedian and a regular person.
01:18:47.000 And that's one of the reasons why people hate us.
01:18:49.000 I hate us.
01:18:50.000 And to everyone at Skankfest, they're like, yes!
01:18:52.000 I thought we did it!
01:18:53.000 And they show it to people out of there, and they're like, too soon.
01:18:55.000 I'm like, yeah, for you!
01:18:56.000 It's not for you!
01:18:57.000 I do know my audience!
01:18:58.000 It ain't you!
01:18:59.000 Meanwhile, there at Skankfest, it is...
01:19:02.000 What are the odds of the tragedies down the street?
01:19:06.000 It's incredible.
01:19:06.000 It's like the lottery.
01:19:08.000 They felt so blessed because it's like, yeah, we are the people that laugh at tragedies, but joke about tragedies.
01:19:16.000 Jamar was like, what's wrong with you guys that we haven't had one death here?
01:19:19.000 Taylor whatever, Swift dude, whatever, show us up.
01:19:23.000 Taylor Swift dude.
01:19:24.000 Whatever his name is.
01:19:25.000 What's his name?
01:19:28.000 Travis Scott, yeah.
01:19:30.000 This is the worst take on Astroworld the world has ever known, for sure.
01:19:36.000 It was a tragedy.
01:19:37.000 How many people died?
01:19:38.000 Nobody we know is the answer.
01:19:39.000 What if they were?
01:19:41.000 We would have heard by now.
01:19:42.000 How many people died?
01:19:45.000 Died.
01:19:46.000 You can't do that.
01:19:47.000 We're having a good time.
01:19:48.000 We're gonna put water on this fire right now.
01:19:54.000 Ten.
01:19:55.000 Ten people died.
01:19:56.000 I got double digits.
01:19:57.000 That's not bad.
01:19:58.000 That's a ruckus.
01:19:59.000 That guy brings the vibe.
01:20:01.000 Yeah, that is truly a ruckus.
01:20:03.000 Drinks in the air, liquid spraying everywhere.
01:20:07.000 So what was the cause?
01:20:08.000 Did people get trampled?
01:20:10.000 Did people get pushed to the ground?
01:20:12.000 People were being dosed, they said, also?
01:20:14.000 Was there a bunch of stuff they were saying?
01:20:15.000 This is Jamie's specialty.
01:20:18.000 That was a lot, yeah.
01:20:18.000 That was a crazy rumor that someone was running around injecting people with drugs.
01:20:22.000 Wow.
01:20:23.000 Yeah, I heard that.
01:20:24.000 But I was like, what did that have to do with the trampling?
01:20:26.000 The rumor went far because I think the sheriffs actually reported that their security guard had to get an arc in.
01:20:34.000 Right, that he got a shot in the neck.
01:20:36.000 But the security guard, when they asked him, they said, actually, I got punched or something like that.
01:20:40.000 Oh, interesting.
01:20:41.000 I do know security guards often say when they're at festivals that somebody dosed them so they can get off work and they get to go join the concert.
01:20:48.000 Interesting.
01:20:49.000 Yeah.
01:20:49.000 Hey, man, somebody sprayed acid on me.
01:20:51.000 I'm sorry, but let me see how I feel in 20 minutes just so you know.
01:20:54.000 And it's like, hey, get out of here.
01:20:56.000 Work tomorrow.
01:20:57.000 Security guard is a weird job because you're not a cop.
01:21:00.000 But you want to be one.
01:21:01.000 You kind of want to be one.
01:21:02.000 And a lot of them act like that.
01:21:06.000 That's why I first understood the relationship that cops have often to other people.
01:21:12.000 Is that there's an us versus them thing.
01:21:14.000 Because the security guards all bonded together.
01:21:16.000 Because occasionally there were fights.
01:21:18.000 And occasionally things were physical.
01:21:20.000 Like real physical.
01:21:21.000 I watched quite a few.
01:21:23.000 Where?
01:21:23.000 UFC? Great Woods.
01:21:25.000 When I was a security guard.
01:21:26.000 I was a security guard for a few years.
01:21:29.000 At a mall?
01:21:29.000 At a performing arts center.
01:21:30.000 At a mall.
01:21:30.000 I don't know.
01:21:31.000 What's happened?
01:21:32.000 It was a concert center.
01:21:33.000 Oh, okay.
01:21:34.000 They hired all these black belts from my Taekwondo school.
01:21:37.000 So the security was like four or five black belts from my Taekwondo school, and then all these real professional security guys.
01:21:44.000 Is that Joe Rogan running after hundreds of people?
01:21:46.000 I didn't chase after anybody.
01:21:48.000 Disaster world.
01:21:49.000 Disaster world, people piling out.
01:21:50.000 Oh, my God.
01:21:51.000 This was earlier in the day.
01:21:52.000 This happened in multiple places.
01:21:54.000 Oh, my God.
01:21:55.000 The fence just crashes.
01:21:56.000 People are getting trampled.
01:21:58.000 Oh, my God.
01:21:59.000 This is hard.
01:21:59.000 And no one knows in the back that they're pushing onto people.
01:22:01.000 Dude, this is horrible.
01:22:02.000 This is horrible.
01:22:03.000 This led to like later in the night that there was too many people there.
01:22:06.000 Not enough people to like crowd control.
01:22:09.000 Oh my god.
01:22:10.000 Oh my god.
01:22:11.000 This is terrible.
01:22:12.000 But this was just like earlier in it.
01:22:12.000 Oh my god.
01:22:13.000 People are just running over people.
01:22:15.000 They can't get up.
01:22:16.000 Fuck.
01:22:17.000 So what we used to do is we had to stop people from bringing in liquor.
01:22:21.000 So one of the things that we did was as we were waiting for people to come in, we would have to check their bags and they all were trying to stow away liquor.
01:22:30.000 So we'd find like bottles of expensive wine, we had to take it all.
01:22:33.000 So we had barrels of booze.
01:22:35.000 I'm not kidding.
01:22:36.000 To go home with?
01:22:37.000 Like yeah, we all split it up.
01:22:39.000 All the security people, they gave it to us.
01:22:40.000 So you had like barrels of wine coolers and shit.
01:22:44.000 You know, who's that one guy, that famous singer?
01:22:49.000 Dave Matthews.
01:22:50.000 Bald head, but all the women love him.
01:22:55.000 Older guy, goddammit.
01:22:57.000 Did you just call out my name?
01:23:01.000 Neil Simon?
01:23:01.000 What the fuck is...
01:23:02.000 No.
01:23:02.000 No, John Denver.
01:23:03.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:23:05.000 Goddammit.
01:23:06.000 Oh, James.
01:23:07.000 James Taylor.
01:23:08.000 James Taylor.
01:23:09.000 James Taylor.
01:23:10.000 Yes.
01:23:14.000 So he would play and girls would bring wine.
01:23:19.000 They would all bring wine and everything.
01:23:20.000 We'd steal their wine.
01:23:21.000 You can't take this in 1930. Sorry.
01:23:24.000 Sorry, you're not supposed to bring it.
01:23:25.000 And so they could either go home or they could give up the wine.
01:23:30.000 And then we'd have bottles.
01:23:32.000 Just giant dumpsters of these fucking booze.
01:23:34.000 Imagine how boring it is watching James Taylor live sober.
01:23:37.000 Yeah.
01:23:39.000 They're like, oh, I brought in just wine!
01:23:41.000 The other thing we used to have to do is we'd have to make sure that things didn't go haywire, and that's the day I quit.
01:23:46.000 The day I quit, there was a concert, a Neil Young concert, and they started fires.
01:23:51.000 And so there was a whole lawn area, and it was kind of cold out, so these people just decided to start fires.
01:23:57.000 And they were throwing, like, you know, they had, like, boxes and stuff, and throwing, they had gasoline.
01:24:02.000 It was wild.
01:24:03.000 There was fires.
01:24:04.000 So they stopped the concert.
01:24:06.000 They stopped the concert.
01:24:08.000 And there was like physical fist fights and I always carried a hoodie because I had my big security shirt on.
01:24:13.000 But as soon as shit went down, I'm like zipped up that hoodie.
01:24:16.000 I'm getting the fuck out of here.
01:24:18.000 Gone.
01:24:18.000 I'm not putting out literal fires.
01:24:19.000 I'm not getting any street fights with you fucking for $20 an hour or whatever I'm getting.
01:24:23.000 I'm going to fight some drugged up Neil Young fan who's got a fucking motorcycle jacket on.
01:24:28.000 Nah, who's got a knife.
01:24:29.000 No thanks.
01:24:30.000 What are we doing here?
01:24:31.000 I'm not doing this.
01:24:32.000 He's not going to go at you by the rules of jujitsu.
01:24:33.000 Yeah, I'm not a cop.
01:24:34.000 I was like, I'm just supposed to steal people's booze.
01:24:38.000 Dude, I was hanging out in Bonnaroo with one of the security guards for comedy and the promoter, Sam, and we were just like, oh, where can we get some Molly this hour?
01:24:46.000 He goes, oh, I'll see the security guards.
01:24:48.000 It was just like, go stock up on these drugs and go have a fucking great time.
01:24:52.000 It's awesome.
01:24:53.000 Security guards at those places probably all sell drugs.
01:24:55.000 Oh!
01:24:57.000 I'm off.
01:24:58.000 I'm going to turn a profit.
01:24:59.000 Everybody sells drugs at those things.
01:25:01.000 I mean, like, I feel like that would be wasted, you know, money if you didn't do it.
01:25:05.000 Like, if anybody would sell drugs, like, especially good drugs.
01:25:10.000 You ever get to take something taken to TSA? Something TSA and they're like, hey, we gotta take this knife.
01:25:15.000 And you're like, hey, it's a good one.
01:25:16.000 Can you please, like, use it?
01:25:17.000 I get it.
01:25:18.000 You have to take it.
01:25:18.000 But, like, I want you to use it.
01:25:19.000 Like, it's a good thing.
01:25:20.000 Yeah, it depends on who's taking that knife, though.
01:25:22.000 You might look at one guy like, bitch, you're never going to use this.
01:25:25.000 Send it to my house.
01:25:26.000 Come on, give it to the other one.
01:25:28.000 I'm going to take a later flight.
01:25:29.000 Give me my fucking knife back.
01:25:33.000 Dude, one time me and Soder were going into, I think, Outside Lands, and he had these, just came from Denver, had these joints that were shaped like cigarettes with the brown tips in the bottom, so it looked like, I mean, it's just, and he puts it in a cigarette case, four joints.
01:25:45.000 Nice.
01:25:46.000 Perfect.
01:25:47.000 Yeah.
01:25:48.000 Go in there, take your keys or whatever, and he goes, oh, no, you can't bring cigarettes in here.
01:25:52.000 And he's like, what?
01:25:53.000 And then I was like, right behind him, long security line.
01:25:56.000 Hmm.
01:25:56.000 And I was like, well, can we just smoke one before we go in?
01:25:59.000 And the guy's like, you have to wait in line again.
01:26:00.000 I'm like, fucking shit.
01:26:02.000 And Soda just gave up.
01:26:04.000 He was like, fine, no, I don't need the cigarettes.
01:26:05.000 How come you can't smoke cigarettes there?
01:26:07.000 I guess it was a no cigarette rule there.
01:26:09.000 Oh.
01:26:09.000 It's outdoor though, right?
01:26:11.000 Throws it in the garbage.
01:26:12.000 And I'm like, motherfucker.
01:26:13.000 And then he's searching me.
01:26:15.000 And I'm like, whatever.
01:26:15.000 I don't have anything.
01:26:17.000 We came right from Montreal.
01:26:18.000 He stopped by his house.
01:26:19.000 And then he's like, go ahead.
01:26:20.000 And I just walked by the trash can and just shoved my hand in it.
01:26:24.000 Picked up the fucking cigarettes.
01:26:26.000 I was like, make a fucking move.
01:26:27.000 He's not going to kick me out.
01:26:28.000 He'll tell me to.
01:26:29.000 And then Dan's like, go, [...
01:26:30.000 And it was so perfect.
01:26:32.000 He saw it.
01:26:33.000 He was too far away.
01:26:34.000 And he was like, I was starting to hope you would.
01:26:36.000 And then right when he passed it, he's like, the guy wasn't looking anymore.
01:26:39.000 Ari, what's a clutch move?
01:26:40.000 One of my greatest.
01:26:42.000 One of my greatest.
01:26:42.000 Clutch move.
01:26:43.000 Saved it.
01:26:44.000 We both cried.
01:26:44.000 Very clutch.
01:26:47.000 I'm sure the word probably got out and people snuck stuff in somewhere.
01:26:51.000 Yeah, you do it in your shoe.
01:26:52.000 You tape it right next to your dick.
01:26:53.000 Bottom of your shoe.
01:26:54.000 Tape it on your dick.
01:26:54.000 You just got saran wrap.
01:26:56.000 You wrap your dick with the joints.
01:26:57.000 That sheath underwear is actually quite good at smuggling joints in because it's got a ball pouch.
01:27:02.000 So you keep it in there and it won't fall through.
01:27:04.000 Boxers are the worst.
01:27:05.000 Sheath underwear is the best.
01:27:07.000 It really is.
01:27:08.000 It has a pocket there.
01:27:09.000 How many joints do you think you could wrap around your dick and then saran wrap it before it didn't feel like a dick anymore?
01:27:17.000 Before people don't believe you.
01:27:19.000 That's not even, no way is that guy's that dick.
01:27:21.000 Before TSA Pre is like, no, no, no, no, no.
01:27:24.000 What's going on here?
01:27:25.000 You start walking with your hands out.
01:27:26.000 Nothing, that's my dick!
01:27:28.000 Yeah.
01:27:28.000 Ari, you have giant balls.
01:27:30.000 I do have bad balls.
01:27:31.000 Does anybody ever like, do you have anything in your balls?
01:27:33.000 Like, come on, sir, there's clearly something here.
01:27:35.000 It's obviously not just you.
01:27:37.000 What if you just explain that it's a splint to help enlarge your penis and that you wear it 24 hours a day and you have to?
01:27:43.000 Or the process has to start over.
01:27:44.000 Don't do this to me, dude.
01:27:45.000 Don't do this to me.
01:27:46.000 It's just a splint.
01:27:47.000 It's a penis splint if you ever look at it online.
01:27:50.000 Penis splint, they stretch your penis out, sir.
01:27:53.000 Nobody wants to Google that.
01:27:54.000 No one's doing it in front of you.
01:27:56.000 Dudes do that, though.
01:27:57.000 There's dudes that stretch their dick out.
01:27:59.000 They literally grab the tip of their dick and a device and pull on it.
01:28:04.000 Or they put weights on their dick.
01:28:05.000 To over time stretch it out?
01:28:07.000 Yes, to over time.
01:28:08.000 No, that doesn't work.
01:28:09.000 Well, if you go to Africa and you see those naked ladies and you see how their boobs are flapping and hanging low like that, that's what happens when things get pulled on, when gravity pulls on it.
01:28:18.000 That's why girls wear bras.
01:28:20.000 You get it?
01:28:20.000 That's why Ari's balls sag.
01:28:22.000 They have been sinking lower and lower.
01:28:24.000 He doesn't have the proper underwear to support his shit.
01:28:28.000 So gravity keeps pulling on it.
01:28:30.000 Gravity can do that to your dick too, apparently.
01:28:32.000 I don't know about that.
01:28:33.000 Why would your dick not go all down also?
01:28:36.000 I am not bullshitting.
01:28:37.000 There are guys who have apparatuses strapped to their dick and they crank on it and it lengthens their dick.
01:28:43.000 Is your dick bigger now than when you were like 16, 17?
01:28:46.000 When you were fully grown?
01:28:48.000 Good question.
01:28:49.000 Mine is.
01:28:50.000 Over time, maybe it does.
01:28:52.000 Maybe it does.
01:28:52.000 All that pulling on it.
01:28:53.000 You're always pulling on the fucking thing.
01:28:55.000 Yeah.
01:28:56.000 Something about blood flow there.
01:28:58.000 Yeah, but also, what if you can increase the size of it by pulling on it?
01:29:03.000 But that doesn't change the amount of muscle and tendon on the inside and the tubes.
01:29:07.000 You got a muscle in your dick?
01:29:08.000 True.
01:29:09.000 I get what you're saying.
01:29:10.000 But what about those necks?
01:29:11.000 It's the Karens who stretched our necks.
01:29:12.000 Could you imagine if there was a dick machine at Gold's Gym?
01:29:15.000 There was a machine, you shove your dick in, you just fucking lift weights with your cock.
01:29:20.000 The line's just out the door.
01:29:22.000 Hey dude, wipe it down before the sky.
01:29:25.000 Can we please get more than one of these machines?
01:29:27.000 That would be like the real question.
01:29:29.000 Are you so vain you use the dick machine?
01:29:32.000 Everyone is.
01:29:33.000 Everyone's going to use the dick machine.
01:29:35.000 I wouldn't.
01:29:35.000 I wouldn't.
01:29:36.000 Well, there's no line right now.
01:29:37.000 They just put in a new one.
01:29:37.000 Like, what is a machine that girls always use at the gym?
01:29:41.000 Oh, that donkey kick one, for sure.
01:29:43.000 When they have their butt up in the air and they throw kicks backwards.
01:29:47.000 You know, you push against a weight thing.
01:29:49.000 You ever seen that?
01:29:49.000 Talking to the wrong guy.
01:29:50.000 You know, they do this kind of shit.
01:29:52.000 To get their butts going?
01:29:53.000 Yeah, girls love that one, right?
01:29:56.000 That's when girls do.
01:29:57.000 The last time I was at a gym was Sober October, three years ago.
01:30:00.000 Dude, you got ripped.
01:30:02.000 You should have kept it going.
01:30:03.000 I was hoping you were going to keep it going.
01:30:04.000 It was a lot of work.
01:30:05.000 Yeah, it's a lot of work.
01:30:07.000 It's called life.
01:30:09.000 What a good answer.
01:30:10.000 What?
01:30:11.000 Yeah.
01:30:11.000 Exactly.
01:30:12.000 I thought we talked you into a lifetime of fitness after that, but nope.
01:30:15.000 Right back to slovenly ways.
01:30:17.000 Maybe it was a moment of like, maybe I should do that and just like, done.
01:30:20.000 No way.
01:30:22.000 So much easier to not do it.
01:30:24.000 I get it.
01:30:24.000 It was funny though, because you were so competitive.
01:30:26.000 You were so into it while it was happening.
01:30:27.000 Yeah.
01:30:30.000 You are very formidable.
01:30:32.000 You put in some good time.
01:30:33.000 I pushed you a little.
01:30:34.000 Put in some good numbers.
01:30:35.000 Yeah.
01:30:36.000 I would do it at night when everybody was asleep and they'd wake up to me fucking laughing.
01:30:40.000 Anxiety.
01:30:40.000 Look at this.
01:30:41.000 Penis stretcher.
01:30:42.000 See?
01:30:42.000 Top four.
01:30:44.000 Four of the best ten penis extender stretchers.
01:30:46.000 Can I break in right now?
01:30:47.000 That photo on the left?
01:30:49.000 See that bottom left?
01:30:50.000 The cartoon?
01:30:51.000 I got flagged for sexuality.
01:30:53.000 Wow.
01:30:53.000 Something like that.
01:30:54.000 A cartoon.
01:30:55.000 Look what this says.
01:30:56.000 4 out of 10 best penis extender stretchers that impressed me as a user.
01:31:01.000 This is a guy that definitely used a pen name.
01:31:05.000 It says Irvine Weekly.
01:31:07.000 So that's like that Irvine newspaper?
01:31:10.000 Oh my god.
01:31:12.000 That's hilarious.
01:31:14.000 The Irvine Weekly is out there stretching dicks.
01:31:18.000 How to find the best device for yourself.
01:31:20.000 Brand partner content.
01:31:21.000 That's a key one.
01:31:24.000 Finding the best penis extender can feel like navigating a puzzling maze.
01:31:30.000 Don't say it like it's a given article.
01:31:33.000 No, none of us have thought about this before.
01:31:36.000 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
01:31:39.000 What'd you say?
01:31:40.000 What'd you say?
01:31:41.000 In this penis extender review, you'll find a personal testimonial based on many years of experience using different penis enlargement devices.
01:31:52.000 This guy's a pervert.
01:31:54.000 Oh, wow.
01:31:55.000 Many years of experimenting on dick pulling?
01:31:58.000 How dare he?
01:32:00.000 How dare he write this article and just subtly throw that in there?
01:32:05.000 What if you found once one worked, wouldn't that be it?
01:32:08.000 That would be it.
01:32:09.000 I got one.
01:32:10.000 I'm seeing marketed improvement in my dick size with this product.
01:32:15.000 Why would I ever take a second without using it?
01:32:17.000 He's like, no, no, no.
01:32:18.000 Now we need a girth machine.
01:32:20.000 Oh, the Deluxe is $3.49.
01:32:22.000 Jamie, buy five.
01:32:23.000 Can you please get one?
01:32:24.000 Can you please get one at half?
01:32:25.000 Please get Quick Extender Pro prices and find out the updated prices.
01:32:31.000 And maybe there's a coupon code on there.
01:32:35.000 This one's the only FDA-approved one.
01:32:37.000 Oh, the FDA got involved.
01:32:38.000 They must be making money.
01:32:39.000 They're making money on dick size.
01:32:43.000 The FDA approved this and not the vaccine.
01:32:46.000 Remember when Viagra first came out?
01:32:50.000 It rocked the fucking country.
01:32:52.000 Changed the world.
01:32:54.000 Would you trust a German penis extender, Ari?
01:32:57.000 I would if they didn't know it was going to me.
01:32:59.000 Look, is that thing to cup the balls?
01:33:00.000 What's the thing in the bottom?
01:33:01.000 Is that the gripper?
01:33:02.000 That's a speculum.
01:33:03.000 There's so much metal there.
01:33:05.000 That's bothering me.
01:33:06.000 Oh, and then you slowly pull it out?
01:33:07.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:33:09.000 That metal plus dick equals ouch.
01:33:13.000 No reason to have that metal.
01:33:14.000 It looks like trappy places.
01:33:16.000 A girl finds that.
01:33:20.000 A new girlfriend finds that in a cabinet somewhere like, what is this?
01:33:24.000 Oh, that's a soupster.
01:33:28.000 Go back right there.
01:33:28.000 That's how it works.
01:33:29.000 Look, that thing grabs the balls.
01:33:32.000 And push it away.
01:33:33.000 That's gonna extend your balls, though!
01:33:35.000 No, everything.
01:33:36.000 Everything gets stretched out.
01:33:37.000 Dude, you pump it up like a fucking barber chair.
01:33:39.000 Ooh.
01:33:40.000 You push down on it.
01:33:43.000 Whoa!
01:33:44.000 Look at that one.
01:33:45.000 Yikes.
01:33:45.000 What the fuck?
01:33:47.000 Yeah, it's...
01:33:49.000 New Year's Eve noisemaker right there.
01:33:50.000 It's like a milking device.
01:33:51.000 It is a milking device.
01:33:52.000 Jamie, can you order five of those for the next time I'm here?
01:33:53.000 Milking dicks.
01:33:55.000 Getting your dick to grow.
01:33:56.000 Shane and Mark.
01:33:59.000 We're going to have a time in our lifetime where this, like, GigaChad, this thing...
01:34:03.000 Drawbacks!
01:34:03.000 Oh, drawbacks.
01:34:04.000 I waited too long for the results.
01:34:05.000 Sorry, this is just for this particular one.
01:34:07.000 Oh.
01:34:08.000 Yeah, never mind.
01:34:08.000 What is this guy saying, though?
01:34:10.000 It took me a pretty long time to figure out how to create a vacuum.
01:34:13.000 The Velocium Fort version is incredibly comfortable.
01:34:16.000 But such stretching of the penis with the help of a strap.
01:34:20.000 Which created tension in the structure, failed to achieve significant results.
01:34:24.000 Like, what a weird way to talk about stretching your dick.
01:34:26.000 Also, the next one's incredible.
01:34:28.000 I found the Phyllosyn Forte Plus construction somewhat uncomfortable and even unsafe if your penis is more than six inches wide.
01:34:34.000 It's like, dude, if your penis is more than six inches wide, what are you doing stretching it out?
01:34:38.000 You already won.
01:34:39.000 I think you did it, dude.
01:34:40.000 Imagine if there's a group of guys out there with dicks just like those crazy stripper ladies with like triple F tits.
01:34:46.000 They just can't stop getting their boobs done bigger.
01:34:51.000 If there's guys like that with dicks.
01:34:52.000 Yeah, just constantly.
01:34:55.000 You can safely use it while sleeping.
01:34:56.000 You can safely use it while sleeping.
01:34:57.000 What?
01:34:57.000 You're gonna sleep with a robot blowing you?
01:35:00.000 That's terrible.
01:35:01.000 This is awful.
01:35:04.000 This is the future.
01:35:05.000 This is our future.
01:35:07.000 Oh my god.
01:35:08.000 That looks like it makes a noise if you squeeze the little...
01:35:11.000 It looks like one of those dipper things, the birds that dip down and drink for the cup.
01:35:16.000 You should just Google, do you cum when you use your penis extender?
01:35:20.000 You should Google, how often do you cum when you...
01:35:22.000 Am I the only one that...
01:35:24.000 Google that phrase.
01:35:26.000 Let's see what happens.
01:35:31.000 This has got to be a bunch of guys on a forum dedicated to, well, the penis extender that makes you cum the hardest.
01:35:38.000 Somebody from the industry leader is going to reach out to you.
01:35:42.000 The industry leader in penis extenders.
01:35:45.000 Which one got FDA approved?
01:35:46.000 If there was something that could make your dick grow like that, my goodness.
01:35:50.000 How would we not know about it?
01:35:52.000 Well, I remember that joke that I used to do about if dick pills were real, it'd take about 30 seconds after the event before the first guy died of an overdose.
01:36:00.000 Just fill it up on it.
01:36:02.000 No one's going to just take one.
01:36:04.000 You go, how many give me a stroke?
01:36:06.000 How many?
01:36:06.000 I'm going to take one less than that.
01:36:08.000 And then half less than one.
01:36:09.000 Fuck out of here.
01:36:10.000 Guys carrying around their dick with shopping carts.
01:36:12.000 Yeah, the women evolved because the guy's dicks got so big, women's vaginas had to grow accordingly because guys wouldn't stop growing their dicks.
01:36:20.000 Which one was that?
01:36:21.000 That was Shady Happy Jihad.
01:36:23.000 I said that guys with big dicks in shopping carts would chase women up to the top of cliffs and they would leap off the cliff like flying squirrel pussy people.
01:36:33.000 Because their vaginas would be so big from the giant thing.
01:36:36.000 Evolution!
01:36:37.000 This is basic science.
01:36:42.000 I mean, there's like weird Rolls of the dice in the world, but one of the weirdest rolls of the dice in the world for a guy is your dick size.
01:36:54.000 You can just have a tiny dick and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.
01:36:57.000 You know guys that are concerned about the smallness of their dick?
01:37:00.000 Like overly concerned?
01:37:01.000 They talk about it more than anybody?
01:37:03.000 Yeah.
01:37:04.000 It's weird.
01:37:05.000 Yeah.
01:37:05.000 It's weird.
01:37:06.000 It's a weird comedy thing, right?
01:37:08.000 There used to be a comedian, I'm not going to name his name, but he would close by saying, my name's, thanks so much, that's my time, I'm blah blah blah, I have a big dick.
01:37:15.000 That's right.
01:37:15.000 And I always thought to myself, he must have the smallest dick.
01:37:19.000 He must have a small dick.
01:37:20.000 Or he has a big dick and he's advertising out there.
01:37:23.000 That's right.
01:37:24.000 I got a big dick.
01:37:25.000 Look, we have an answer.
01:37:26.000 And listen to how it's read.
01:37:27.000 Once again, oh, can I have an orgasm while using a penis pump?
01:37:31.000 Once again, this will depend on the person!
01:37:34.000 Exclamation point.
01:37:35.000 Why is there an exclamation point?
01:37:37.000 What the fuck are you doing?
01:37:38.000 Are you a cheerleader?
01:37:40.000 He's answering his own questions emphatically.
01:37:41.000 You will certainly be able to have an orgasm once the penis pump has been removed, although it may take longer than usual due to your increased stamina.
01:37:50.000 Sure.
01:37:51.000 You get stamina with the penis pump too?
01:37:53.000 They were able to cum while their penis pump is still in the tubes simply from the intense sucking, in quotes, sensation which they experience.
01:38:03.000 Whether or not you'll be able to do this depends on how pleasurable you find the experience of using the pump.
01:38:08.000 So go ahead and give it a try!
01:38:10.000 Should we do like a sober October thing and we all try to see which one of the three of us can extend our penises the most?
01:38:16.000 Oh my god, imagine if one of us ripped our dicks and we had to go to the emergency room.
01:38:20.000 Oh my god, that'd be great.
01:38:21.000 That'd be great.
01:38:22.000 Next week.
01:38:23.000 These are grown adults.
01:38:25.000 These are grown adults.
01:38:26.000 Take them off Spotify.
01:38:28.000 Take that down.
01:38:30.000 Hey, what ever happened to that walkout on Spotify, young fucking employees?
01:38:33.000 Did you go back to work?
01:38:35.000 Fucking idiots.
01:38:36.000 I mean, if you're coming from the sucking of your penis enlarger, then you have bigger problems than your small penis.
01:38:43.000 Well, no.
01:38:43.000 What if you just say, okay, before I use this penis enlarger, I'm not even going to look at my dick for like six weeks.
01:38:50.000 Yeah.
01:38:50.000 I'm not going to beat off at all.
01:38:52.000 I'm just going to pee and go to sleep and wash it when I have to and be honest about it.
01:38:57.000 No grabbing it and holding on to it.
01:38:59.000 Before.
01:39:00.000 Before, and then use the penis pump.
01:39:02.000 You'd want to measure in your icebox the first time.
01:39:05.000 Why would you do that?
01:39:06.000 If you didn't jerk off at all, or no sex, no jerking off for like six weeks, and then use the penis pump, you'd probably be so horny.
01:39:12.000 Oh, you'd blow a crazy load in there.
01:39:14.000 Yeah, maybe then you'd come.
01:39:14.000 Six weeks, I mean, Jesus.
01:39:16.000 You put on your pants, and you're gonna look at me weird.
01:39:19.000 You ever see how when animals fuck, dude?
01:39:20.000 Animals fuck like this, ready?
01:39:22.000 And that's it.
01:39:23.000 And it's over.
01:39:24.000 That's how they do it.
01:39:25.000 We take our time.
01:39:27.000 We have lovemaking.
01:39:28.000 It's sensual.
01:39:29.000 We take in.
01:39:30.000 We enjoy it.
01:39:32.000 Animals are trying not to get eaten.
01:39:34.000 They just dive on each other, fuck real quick, and run from the top of the trees, right?
01:39:38.000 When you see monkeys fuck, they're not taking a lot of time.
01:39:41.000 They're not making love.
01:39:43.000 They're not sticking a thumb in the butt.
01:39:45.000 And they're not...
01:39:46.000 There's no foreplay.
01:39:47.000 I think monkeys and chimps are the only ones who do it for fun, though.
01:39:50.000 Is he a monkey spitting another monkey's mouth?
01:39:55.000 What did we just witness?
01:39:57.000 They're mimicking the humans.
01:39:58.000 They're evolving.
01:40:00.000 She smacks him in the face.
01:40:02.000 He smiles while he's fucking her.
01:40:05.000 That's one of these.
01:40:07.000 To me, the most disturbing thing in nature is when chimps eat monkeys.
01:40:11.000 That's the most disturbing.
01:40:13.000 Out of all the things I've ever seen in nature documentaries, I get all of them.
01:40:16.000 I get a lion killing a gazelle.
01:40:18.000 It all makes sense.
01:40:19.000 When the crocodile takes out the wildebeest, it makes sense.
01:40:22.000 Yeah.
01:40:22.000 But when you see a chimp eating a monkey- Because they look too related.
01:40:26.000 Why?
01:40:26.000 They look so related.
01:40:28.000 They don't just look related.
01:40:29.000 They look like they know that that little monkey's screaming and looking at him, trying to push him away, and they're eating him alive.
01:40:36.000 They eat him alive.
01:40:37.000 Why?
01:40:38.000 They don't give a fuck.
01:40:39.000 They don't give a fuck that the monkey's screaming.
01:40:41.000 They got him.
01:40:42.000 They got him, so they're going to eat him.
01:40:43.000 Wow.
01:40:44.000 Why?
01:40:45.000 Just because they're food or because they're too close?
01:40:48.000 David Attenborough, I believe, was the first guy to catch that on film.
01:40:52.000 I think so.
01:40:53.000 See if that's true.
01:40:55.000 Back then, they used to think of chimps as being...
01:40:58.000 When we thought of chimps, we always thought of them as they eat fruit, they eat a banana, they swing around.
01:41:04.000 We never thought of them as being relentlessly violent.
01:41:08.000 Drive limousines.
01:41:09.000 When you were kids, you never thought of a chip.
01:41:10.000 Yeah, you'd picture little bananas and stuff, like peeling a banana.
01:41:13.000 There were people's sidekicks on TV shows, right?
01:41:15.000 Yeah.
01:41:16.000 There was a show called BJ and the Bear.
01:41:18.000 And the Bear was this.
01:41:19.000 Chim see baby monkeys brains first, a clue to human evolution.
01:41:23.000 Oh, God.
01:41:23.000 Wait, is that a baby?
01:41:24.000 Is that a new one?
01:41:25.000 Look at that they're eating the baby monkey brain first.
01:41:28.000 Oh my god.
01:41:28.000 Oh my god.
01:41:29.000 He goes right for the head to eat the brain.
01:41:31.000 He looks so casual.
01:41:32.000 He's having such a good time.
01:41:33.000 So casual.
01:41:34.000 Just ripping it apart.
01:41:35.000 And the strength those things have is just preposterous.
01:41:38.000 The strength the chimp has, we want to think it's like relative to like their size.
01:41:43.000 What's happening here?
01:41:44.000 What's happening here?
01:41:44.000 Who's doing what?
01:41:45.000 He's catching a baby monkey.
01:41:47.000 And what's the other monkey?
01:41:48.000 What's the one on the left?
01:41:49.000 Is that his mom or something?
01:41:49.000 Running away.
01:41:50.000 That's the mom running away.
01:41:51.000 Oh, it's like, sorry.
01:41:52.000 Does she have any more on her back?
01:41:54.000 No.
01:41:55.000 She's just running away, man.
01:41:56.000 She'll get killed.
01:41:57.000 Look at the shape of her body.
01:42:00.000 I think that's her other foot, bro.
01:42:02.000 You got that thing in the way.
01:42:04.000 What happened?
01:42:04.000 Yeah, I think that's her other foot, isn't it?
01:42:06.000 What is that?
01:42:06.000 Yeah, it's her foot backwards.
01:42:07.000 It's like she just leapt.
01:42:09.000 Yeah, she's in the middle of a full leap.
01:42:10.000 That's what it is.
01:42:11.000 What the fuck, man?
01:42:12.000 That is so wild.
01:42:13.000 Chimpanzee captures...
01:42:15.000 A chimpanzee captured a young colobus monkey during a hunt.
01:42:18.000 Damn.
01:42:19.000 Yeah, it's always those colobus monkeys that you see the videos of.
01:42:22.000 Is that squirrel monkeys?
01:42:23.000 I don't know.
01:42:24.000 Those are so cute.
01:42:25.000 They're cute little monkeys.
01:42:26.000 And these chimps, they do it intelligently.
01:42:27.000 They corral them.
01:42:28.000 Like, they have them on the ground, and they run down on the ground, like, making a lot of noise.
01:42:32.000 And the other ones get up in the trees, and they, like, funnel them together.
01:42:36.000 And then they attack them.
01:42:37.000 They get them into, like, these...
01:42:38.000 And they'll for sure get one.
01:42:39.000 Sometimes they throw them to the ground.
01:42:41.000 Is this David Attenborough?
01:42:42.000 Young David.
01:42:43.000 Yeah.
01:42:44.000 So this, I believe this was, if I want to say, I want to say this was in the 90s.
01:42:49.000 He's in there with them?
01:42:50.000 Yeah, yeah, he's in there with them.
01:42:52.000 David Attenborough is the most beloved person in the world.
01:42:55.000 So he films these chimps and he's, you know, getting a chance to see them behave and act in the wild in a way that very few people ever do and photograph with beautiful cameras.
01:43:06.000 So here he is.
01:43:06.000 He got a chimp and he's like, they're just eating it alive.
01:43:09.000 You seen it screaming?
01:43:10.000 And so he's like, ow, ow.
01:43:11.000 Back up so you see it screaming.
01:43:12.000 Like, look at it.
01:43:14.000 Oh, it looks like a person.
01:43:23.000 Oh, one of the bats eating it.
01:43:26.000 Oh.
01:43:29.000 Wow.
01:43:34.000 So all these chimps are excited that they caught a monkey.
01:43:37.000 Oh, it's dead, it's dead.
01:43:38.000 No, it's not quite.
01:43:39.000 Yes, it is.
01:43:39.000 It's dead now.
01:43:40.000 It's an organ.
01:43:41.000 By the time it's finally dead, but they're just eating it guts first.
01:43:44.000 Like, look at this.
01:43:47.000 And now they got another one.
01:43:48.000 They got a piece there of it.
01:43:50.000 Bro.
01:43:52.000 Bro.
01:43:54.000 That's us.
01:43:55.000 See?
01:43:55.000 This is the thing.
01:43:56.000 We came from that.
01:43:58.000 Yeah, so you can't let them have social media.
01:43:59.000 They'll be even worse to each other.
01:44:02.000 Dude, Nature's Metal just posted one of a grizzly bear killing a brown bear cub, chasing it down, and there's blood all over them just to have more mates.
01:44:11.000 Nature's so hard.
01:44:12.000 Well, it's not just that.
01:44:13.000 It's food.
01:44:13.000 They come out of the dens hungry.
01:44:17.000 And apparently they're pretty sure that some bears at least go looking for cubs as a food source.
01:44:23.000 So it's not just about breeding, it's just about eating cubs.
01:44:26.000 And then maybe also about forcing the female into estrus because she doesn't have to take care of the baby.
01:44:31.000 To get back in.
01:44:32.000 Yeah, and the females, that's what Nature's Middle said.
01:44:34.000 It'll make the women go like, I'm just going to kill my son, but I need a fuck.
01:44:37.000 But bears are different in that they eat them.
01:44:40.000 They're looking to eat.
01:44:41.000 Like a lion kills cubs.
01:44:43.000 The lion's probably not going to eat the cubs, I don't think.
01:44:45.000 Yeah.
01:44:46.000 Okay.
01:44:47.000 At first I was like, oh, they're playing.
01:44:48.000 Oh, this is awful.
01:44:51.000 This is awful.
01:44:53.000 Kill the cubs.
01:44:55.000 Oh, my God.
01:44:57.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:44:58.000 It's just a rug now.
01:44:59.000 It's so ruthless and he eats it.
01:45:01.000 Look at him.
01:45:02.000 He's eating it.
01:45:02.000 Just tearing it apart and eating it.
01:45:05.000 It's weird how we are taught as kids that these animals are cute.
01:45:10.000 Like Winnie the Pooh is a fucking bear and he walks around with a shirt on.
01:45:13.000 Don't go anywhere near that thing in real life.
01:45:15.000 And no pants.
01:45:16.000 And oh, they like honey and oh, the Lion King.
01:45:18.000 Oh, lions are cool.
01:45:19.000 What is that?
01:45:20.000 Someone got bit.
01:45:20.000 Damn, dude.
01:45:21.000 Someone got bit by another bear.
01:45:23.000 I think he's been using the penis extender.
01:45:25.000 That's a black bear.
01:45:26.000 That's a black bear and he probably got attacked by a- what does it say there?
01:45:29.000 Oh, it's a Finnish brown bear, torn up by a rival bear.
01:45:33.000 Yeah.
01:45:34.000 Oh, it looks like a black bear and while the color might look very similar to one, Finland doesn't have black bears.
01:45:41.000 Interesting.
01:45:42.000 Even if they did, color and size can be misleading and not a reliable identifying features when trying to distinguish between a brown bear and a black bear.
01:45:51.000 This bear has a shoulder hump, a distinct brown bear feature.
01:45:54.000 Ah, interesting.
01:45:55.000 They get warned all the time on Instagram, too.
01:45:58.000 Nature's metal.
01:45:59.000 But it's like, yeah, by design.
01:46:01.000 No one's seeing this.
01:46:03.000 Can I get access to this information?
01:46:05.000 Remember when all this was supposed to Arab Spring and change the world?
01:46:09.000 Say whatever.
01:46:10.000 Sow dissent.
01:46:11.000 Do it.
01:46:12.000 Also, that's life.
01:46:13.000 That's real life.
01:46:15.000 That's educational.
01:46:16.000 We shouldn't be shielded from that part of nature.
01:46:19.000 We can't have this distorted perception of what nature is.
01:46:21.000 I mean, if you like cute things, you're just like, ooh, am I following that?
01:46:24.000 The thing that gets me about the bears is I kind of think that's how it has to be.
01:46:28.000 Because if you think about it, if bears could just breed like crazy and spread out all throughout the land, they would eat everything.
01:46:36.000 They're fucking huge.
01:46:37.000 If they just didn't have any competition at all and they didn't kill and eat each other, There are probably so many of them.
01:46:44.000 Because what's going to stop a bear?
01:46:45.000 All they have to do is catch things and eat things.
01:46:47.000 They're really good at it.
01:46:49.000 You can't fight back.
01:46:50.000 They catch moose.
01:46:52.000 They eat moose.
01:46:52.000 Damn.
01:46:53.000 They catch them.
01:46:54.000 They run up to them, they grab them, and they eat them.
01:46:56.000 They eat whatever the fuck they want.
01:46:57.000 So if there was an overwhelming number of bears, nature would be all out of balance.
01:47:02.000 So nature made the bears eat the bears.
01:47:05.000 That's what's so crazy.
01:47:06.000 There's a wild, beautiful balance to the whole thing.
01:47:10.000 And if you don't see those nature is metal type videos, then you don't see the whole thing.
01:47:16.000 We look at it as cruelty because we don't want that to happen to our loved ones or to our pets or to anything that's cute.
01:47:23.000 We don't want that to happen.
01:47:24.000 But then we'll buy a chicken sandwich.
01:47:27.000 We'll go to Chick-fil-A and get a spicy chicken.
01:47:30.000 It's delicious.
01:47:31.000 I don't want to see it.
01:47:33.000 That's all.
01:47:33.000 But yeah, exactly.
01:47:35.000 If every animal in the world, if we had UFC 1 or UFC 2, if we did it bracket style, and every animal in the world had to fight, who do you have winning everything in the end?
01:47:47.000 Tigers.
01:47:47.000 Tiger?
01:47:48.000 Beats a grizzly bear?
01:47:50.000 Wait, hold on, we're not talking about fish, because then it's home court advantage.
01:47:53.000 Like a whale and a tiger could never, depends where it is, unless it's on land.
01:47:58.000 And the orca would fuck up the shark.
01:48:01.000 Yeah.
01:48:01.000 Yeah, it's a big cat.
01:48:04.000 Tiger over bear?
01:48:05.000 Yeah, big cats.
01:48:06.000 And a tiger over a lion?
01:48:08.000 Yeah.
01:48:08.000 Oh, interesting.
01:48:09.000 Yeah, bigger.
01:48:09.000 They're bigger.
01:48:10.000 A lot bigger.
01:48:11.000 Yeah, a large male tiger.
01:48:12.000 That wasn't talked to us either.
01:48:13.000 Let's see what a large male tiger is.
01:48:15.000 King of the jungle.
01:48:15.000 I want to say a large male tiger borders on like 1,100, 1,200 pounds.
01:48:20.000 I don't think a large lion does.
01:48:22.000 I think a large lion is like 800, 900 pounds.
01:48:25.000 Maybe even smaller.
01:48:26.000 Those ones you used to show us about the guys riding on the elephant and the lion knows the food is all the way up there.
01:48:32.000 Oh my god, it's tiger.
01:48:32.000 Tiger just jumps up over.
01:48:33.000 Tiger knows the man is up on top of the elephant.
01:48:35.000 So it leaps and tore the guy's arm apart.
01:48:38.000 The guy lost use of his arm, I believe.
01:48:40.000 Wow.
01:48:41.000 Because the thing just slashed his fucking arm open.
01:48:43.000 I mean, they have razor blades for claws that are used to take out axis deer.
01:48:47.000 Life getting worse, you're a fucking elephant herder in India.
01:48:50.000 And then it fucking just gets suddenly way worse.
01:48:52.000 I think they were probably hunters.
01:48:54.000 So the cat size.
01:48:55.000 Tigers are heavier, weighing up to 800 pounds.
01:48:58.000 The lion's 550. So yeah, tigers are bigger.
01:49:00.000 But the two cats aren't so different in size.
01:49:02.000 Here their profiles are superimposed.
01:49:04.000 Oh, interesting.
01:49:05.000 So they're similar size with the tigers, that much heavier, which must be muscles.
01:49:10.000 Yeah.
01:49:10.000 Hold on.
01:49:11.000 Go back up there.
01:49:12.000 You might remember from high school health cuts that muscle weighs more than fat, which helped explain the tiger's extra pounds.
01:49:18.000 So it seems a tiger would have a physical advantage over the lion.
01:49:21.000 Have they ever fought?
01:49:22.000 For sure.
01:49:23.000 For sure.
01:49:24.000 For sure people have done that.
01:49:27.000 In 2011, a tiger killed a lion with a single paw swipe, the Conor McGregor of the Ankara Zoo interview.
01:49:34.000 Wow.
01:49:35.000 It was a phantom punch.
01:49:36.000 Killed a lion with a single paw swipe.
01:49:37.000 With a gap in the fence.
01:49:39.000 The tiger apparently found a gap in the fence and made its way to the lion's enclosure.
01:49:42.000 When they met, the tiger severed the lion's jugular vein in just one stroke.
01:49:47.000 Wow.
01:49:48.000 Oh my god.
01:49:48.000 Oh my god.
01:49:49.000 Oh my god.
01:49:51.000 Well, hold on.
01:49:52.000 What I've seen from tigers, they seem to be more aggressive.
01:49:55.000 They go for the throat.
01:49:56.000 They go for the kill.
01:49:57.000 Whereas lions are more, I'll just pound you and play with you.
01:50:01.000 Yeah.
01:50:01.000 Because they're like kittens.
01:50:02.000 Yeah, it's like the difference between a wolf and like my dog Marshall.
01:50:09.000 It's just, tigers are the kings.
01:50:11.000 That's the real king of the jungle.
01:50:12.000 It's not a lion.
01:50:14.000 And they're pissed.
01:50:15.000 Lions live in the savannas anyway, by the way, don't they?
01:50:17.000 Do they live in the jungle?
01:50:18.000 They call him the king of the jungle.
01:50:19.000 They do call him the king of the jungle.
01:50:20.000 Are they actually in the jungle?
01:50:22.000 Ask Joe Rogan about those.
01:50:23.000 I feel like lions are like, they're a grasslands animal, right?
01:50:28.000 Lions don't actually live in the jungle.
01:50:29.000 Thank you!
01:50:31.000 Their real habitat is the open savanna, where they can hunt mammals such as gazelles, antelopes, and zebra.
01:50:36.000 They may also cooperate to catch larger mammals such as buffalo, giraffes, and even crocodiles.
01:50:42.000 Yeah, so that's a bullshit name.
01:50:44.000 The tiger is the king of the jungle, and they live in the fucking jungle.
01:50:47.000 That's a really interesting fun fact.
01:50:48.000 Tiger is the king of the jungle.
01:50:49.000 Yeah.
01:50:49.000 That's like, I've never heard that before.
01:50:51.000 Oh, man.
01:50:52.000 The tiger is the king of the jungle.
01:50:53.000 There's one documentary, if you're into lions, you have to watch.
01:50:56.000 It's called Relentless Enemies, and it's about a particular group of lions that got trapped on an island with one food source.
01:51:03.000 That food source was buffalo, what they call Black Death.
01:51:07.000 These wild Big fucking massive buffalo.
01:51:10.000 So all the lions grew.
01:51:12.000 So the female lions on this one island are as big as male lions everywhere else.
01:51:17.000 And they're jacked.
01:51:19.000 They look like superheroes.
01:51:20.000 So it's the only way they could evolve to kill the buffalo.
01:51:21.000 They had to evolve to kill the buffalo.
01:51:23.000 So they're all super jacked.
01:51:24.000 And they're all eating buffalo.
01:51:26.000 So they're eating like the most dense protein meat in enormous quantities.
01:51:31.000 Because you kill one, it's like 1,800 pounds or something like that.
01:51:34.000 So these lions, when you look at them, they look off.
01:51:37.000 They look like a lion from a movie.
01:51:39.000 Like, what the fuck is going on here?
01:51:40.000 Because the females are fucking chocked.
01:51:42.000 The females look like Cyborg if she was a lion.
01:51:44.000 Just running around fucking chocked.
01:51:47.000 Just angry.
01:51:48.000 It's a wild documentary, man.
01:51:50.000 It shows you evolution.
01:51:51.000 It shows you natural selection.
01:51:52.000 What's it called?
01:51:53.000 Relentless Enemies.
01:51:54.000 See if you can find a little clip of it, we can see what the female lions looked like.
01:51:58.000 Because female lions are usually sleek.
01:52:00.000 Because they have to run down these gazelles and stuff and catch them and they're very clever.
01:52:05.000 They work together.
01:52:06.000 Look at the size of that girl!
01:52:09.000 Bro!
01:52:10.000 Look at her muscles!
01:52:11.000 Look at her fucking muscles!
01:52:13.000 She's super jacked!
01:52:15.000 So these lions in there.
01:52:17.000 It's a really good documentary too because it's explained.
01:52:19.000 Look at that picture right there.
01:52:20.000 That's a great picture.
01:52:21.000 The one your cursor's on, Jamie?
01:52:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:52:24.000 Because you get a sense.
01:52:25.000 Make that bigger.
01:52:26.000 Look how fucking determined he is.
01:52:29.000 Oh my god.
01:52:29.000 That's a girl.
01:52:30.000 The fucking physical, the muscle in that thing.
01:52:33.000 I jumped a little early, but still made the grab.
01:52:36.000 The whole thing is just get a hold of the back legs.
01:52:38.000 That's what they want.
01:52:39.000 They just want the back legs.
01:52:40.000 They want the back legs to trip you, and then they, you know, tear you apart.
01:52:45.000 Oh, yeah, they fight back hard.
01:52:46.000 They're the most dangerous animal to hunt in Africa, apparently.
01:52:49.000 Because they come at you.
01:52:50.000 Because they come at you.
01:52:51.000 That's why they call them Black Death.
01:52:52.000 Wow.
01:52:53.000 Yeah, they fuck people up, man.
01:52:55.000 Look at those fucking cool horns he has.
01:52:58.000 Yeah.
01:52:58.000 Africa has some awesome shit there, man.
01:53:01.000 They keep going after each other.
01:53:02.000 Gotcha!
01:53:04.000 Those cats are incredible.
01:53:07.000 It's incredible, but it's incredible that this only happened...
01:53:11.000 God, I want to say it was like a hundred years ago.
01:53:13.000 See if it says, like, when the river changed.
01:53:16.000 Yeah, something happened.
01:53:17.000 There was probably like some rain event or something like that, and the river changed courses.
01:53:22.000 It changed its route, and it made this one area an island, and they got stuck there.
01:53:28.000 And so they all just figured out how to kill buffaloes.
01:53:30.000 Like, only buffalo.
01:53:32.000 Damn.
01:53:34.000 I went to Galapagos, that's all I talked about in the evolution.
01:53:37.000 Oh my god.
01:53:37.000 Because swimming in iguanas, so the only ones that knew how to swim made it over here.
01:53:41.000 They made it with the other ones who knew how to swim over here.
01:53:44.000 The freaks in the iguana world.
01:53:47.000 And then all those freaks started mating and now they all swim.
01:53:50.000 Only there.
01:53:52.000 For sure, though, the Romans must have brought lions and tigers to fight to the death, right?
01:53:57.000 Yeah.
01:53:58.000 For sure.
01:53:59.000 They'd be crazy not to.
01:54:00.000 Why would you not?
01:54:00.000 Yeah.
01:54:01.000 I mean, that'd be like Mike Tyson, Lennox Lewis in their prime.
01:54:04.000 Yeah.
01:54:04.000 Why would you not?
01:54:05.000 You want to see the best of the best.
01:54:07.000 You want to see the best of the animal world.
01:54:09.000 We want to see the best of the best of the human world.
01:54:11.000 Yeah.
01:54:11.000 Right?
01:54:11.000 For sure.
01:54:12.000 One drunken night talking.
01:54:13.000 Like, who would win against a tiger versus a lion?
01:54:15.000 You're like, oh!
01:54:16.000 Right.
01:54:16.000 We've always wanted to see who's the best.
01:54:18.000 When you watch a UFC, you want to see who is the fucking best.
01:54:21.000 Who's the best?
01:54:22.000 For sure we feel like that with animals.
01:54:24.000 I mean, think about rooster fights.
01:54:26.000 People have rooster fights.
01:54:27.000 They want to see whose rooster fucks up the other rooster.
01:54:29.000 And they also want to see an upset.
01:54:31.000 Imagine if a rooster killed a lion.
01:54:34.000 It would be very interesting to see an upset.
01:54:35.000 In a stunning, just accurate rooster pecking at its head.
01:54:38.000 You see a snake swallowing something way bigger than him.
01:54:41.000 You're like, noister.
01:54:42.000 Yeah.
01:54:43.000 That's another thing I got banned for on Instagram, they told me.
01:54:45.000 What?
01:54:45.000 I did an episode of Skeptis Hank with this guy who used to do rooster fights.
01:54:49.000 Went to one as a kid in Puerto Rico.
01:54:51.000 Just the title of the thing.
01:54:53.000 Rooster fight got you banned?
01:54:54.000 Night of the cockfights or whatever, and they were promoting animal harm.
01:54:58.000 Oh, God.
01:54:59.000 Jeez.
01:55:00.000 Oh, boy.
01:55:02.000 My old gardener used to do it.
01:55:05.000 Cockfighting.
01:55:05.000 Yeah, my old Gardner was in two.
01:55:07.000 Bad.
01:55:07.000 I went to one and...
01:55:08.000 Yeah.
01:55:09.000 He was the thing, like, man, he lived in, like, there's parts of L.A. where you go there, and it's Mexico.
01:55:14.000 I mean, they're all Mexican immigrants, and they're all speaking Spanish, and there's fucking roosters everywhere, man.
01:55:21.000 It was crazy.
01:55:22.000 He had, I'm not bullshitting, like, a whole setup in his backyard where he had a ring, Where the roosters could fight in the ring.
01:55:30.000 I did not see the fights.
01:55:31.000 I saw him.
01:55:32.000 He got some roosters together for me to show me how they do it.
01:55:35.000 I didn't see where they're all throwing money down and betting.
01:55:38.000 I have a fucking false memory of going by once and not going in.
01:55:43.000 I feel like I remember you telling me that I went but I didn't want to go in.
01:55:46.000 Yeah, it's a weird memory.
01:55:48.000 That was the early days of my weed smoking too.
01:55:51.000 You can't trust anything.
01:55:52.000 I oftentimes went over the edge.
01:55:54.000 I did not know how to balance out my weed.
01:55:58.000 I would think things in LA just get way too paranoid.
01:56:01.000 I probably did not want to go there.
01:56:02.000 Oh, more than a thousand cockfighting birds seized in LA Raid.
01:56:06.000 Well, thank God you're doing that and not stopping all those smashing grabs.
01:56:09.000 This was three years ago.
01:56:11.000 Whatever.
01:56:12.000 Come on, Jamie.
01:56:14.000 Fucking with my jokes.
01:56:15.000 Dude, I went to two of them in East Timor.
01:56:17.000 I went to one and they went back.
01:56:18.000 Oh, really?
01:56:18.000 It's so fun.
01:56:20.000 They're all screaming out, holding up dollars.
01:56:21.000 Who wants to bet?
01:56:22.000 Who wants to bet?
01:56:23.000 I got white.
01:56:23.000 I got red.
01:56:24.000 And then you're just like, all right, let's go.
01:56:26.000 And then they just like, they kind of toss at each other a little bit just to hold them.
01:56:30.000 And then they get them riled up like, who the fuck is this coming at me?
01:56:32.000 And then they let them go.
01:56:33.000 They tie a razor blade to one claw.
01:56:36.000 And then they fly each other and put the claws out and go like this.
01:56:39.000 And they don't even know.
01:56:41.000 They've got a fucking slasher on their hand now.
01:56:43.000 And they're cutting each other up.
01:56:44.000 But you don't even feel it.
01:56:45.000 And so the next one's like, all right, let's go again, let's go again.
01:56:47.000 And one of them will just suddenly go like, oh my.
01:56:49.000 Let's go.
01:56:50.000 And it'll just fall over.
01:56:51.000 It'll just bleed out.
01:56:52.000 Wow.
01:56:53.000 And they're like, it's over.
01:56:56.000 And everyone changes money.
01:56:57.000 It's so fun.
01:56:58.000 Doesn't look brutal.
01:56:59.000 Sometimes you barely see blood.
01:57:00.000 The thing is, it's weird.
01:57:02.000 Like, why doesn't that bother me?
01:57:05.000 Why doesn't it?
01:57:05.000 It bothers some people.
01:57:06.000 But here's my thing.
01:57:07.000 If it was dogs, it would bother me.
01:57:09.000 Yeah.
01:57:10.000 Sure.
01:57:11.000 I don't want that.
01:57:13.000 I don't want to even see that.
01:57:14.000 Yeah.
01:57:15.000 I love dogs.
01:57:16.000 But I do know that some of those dogs that were raised to do that, like pit bulls, they're the best dogs.
01:57:22.000 Some of the best dogs.
01:57:23.000 The breeds.
01:57:23.000 They are so loyal and so sweet and they love people.
01:57:28.000 They do it because they almost fight because they want people's approval.
01:57:32.000 They're trained to.
01:57:33.000 They're engineered to.
01:57:35.000 It's a strange dog.
01:57:36.000 They're super intelligent, man.
01:57:38.000 Pitbulls are really intelligent.
01:57:40.000 They connect with you.
01:57:42.000 They connect with you like they're your buddy in a weird way.
01:57:45.000 It's an intensity that you don't get from a lot of other dogs.
01:57:48.000 They look you in the eye and their head is the same size as yours.
01:57:51.000 Yeah.
01:57:51.000 And they're just like...
01:57:52.000 And they're fucking sweet, man.
01:57:54.000 Like a good one that's raised well, that's, you know, you have it since it was a puppy.
01:57:58.000 They're so sweet to people.
01:57:59.000 You just got to exercise it.
01:58:00.000 Their reputation's back.
01:58:02.000 The reputation is there for a reason.
01:58:04.000 No one's scared of pipples anymore.
01:58:04.000 Oh, yes, they are.
01:58:05.000 They should be, man.
01:58:06.000 They should be.
01:58:07.000 They're an aggressive dog.
01:58:08.000 If someone does a bad job training them, and, you know, and they're accustomed to getting into fights, they can be real dangerous.
01:58:13.000 Or if someone in their bloodline right above...
01:58:15.000 It was like that.
01:58:16.000 A rescued attack dog.
01:58:18.000 Even if it's just in their next generation up.
01:58:21.000 Some hate kids.
01:58:23.000 Some absolutely hate other dogs.
01:58:26.000 Some hate postal people.
01:58:29.000 They have no problem squabbling.
01:58:31.000 That's the problem.
01:58:32.000 They'll fight in the middle of nowhere.
01:58:33.000 What?
01:58:33.000 What, bitch?
01:58:34.000 And they'll just fucking knock over garbage cans and start going to war.
01:58:37.000 They're ready to fight at a drop of a hat.
01:58:39.000 And they're engineered that way.
01:58:41.000 My dog is, we didn't teach her to, but is predisposed to just any chick and half the dudes on the street just going up to them and wagging her tail and then licking their hand.
01:58:49.000 Everyone thinks they're special.
01:58:50.000 I'm like, she never does that for anybody.
01:58:54.000 Just everybody.
01:58:56.000 What was my point about that, about dogs?
01:58:58.000 That they're great.
01:58:59.000 Oh, no, no, I know.
01:59:00.000 You eat a rooster.
01:59:01.000 You don't mind a rooster.
01:59:02.000 Yeah, you don't want to see a dog fight.
01:59:04.000 But it's weird.
01:59:06.000 If a fish kills a fish, it doesn't bother me at all.
01:59:09.000 Not at all.
01:59:09.000 If I see a monkey get eaten by a chimp, it freaks me out.
01:59:13.000 Yeah.
01:59:14.000 It looks too human-like.
01:59:15.000 Yeah, we have favorites in the animal kingdom.
01:59:18.000 And a little monkey, a cute little monkey getting eaten alive by a chip.
01:59:22.000 What is cow versus chicken?
01:59:24.000 Those are the two most common.
01:59:25.000 Who would you rather see get killed?
01:59:27.000 Who would you rather...
01:59:28.000 The chicken doesn't bother me at all.
01:59:30.000 Me too.
01:59:31.000 I'd rather see a chicken.
01:59:32.000 I've been around chickens, and they're little dinosaurs, man.
01:59:35.000 They peck at your kids.
01:59:36.000 Like my daughter, she was two years old.
01:59:38.000 It was pecking at her feet.
01:59:39.000 And my wife was like, I think it thinks her feet is food.
01:59:41.000 I go, no, it's trying to eat her.
01:59:43.000 It's trying to eat it.
01:59:44.000 This is a little dinosaur.
01:59:47.000 It's taking a chance to see if it can eat you.
01:59:50.000 And if it can't eat you, it's going to try to eat a bug or a fucking mouse.
01:59:53.000 When I saw them with a mouse for the first time, I was like, this is the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life.
01:59:57.000 They're more aggressive than any cat, more aggressive.
01:59:59.000 They just chase after that fucking mouse that they can't believe it's in there, and they're tearing it out of each other's mouths.
02:00:04.000 Like a room full of cats would be way more civilized if one of them caught a mouse than a room full of chickens.
02:00:10.000 Chickens are wild.
02:00:11.000 So that one, if they die, they don't give a fuck about you.
02:00:14.000 But a dog gives a fuck about you.
02:00:16.000 And a cow kind of can give a fuck about you.
02:00:19.000 Like when you see people have pet cows and they have pet deer and shit, and the deer come right up to them and they eat out of their hands.
02:00:25.000 A chicken never does that.
02:00:27.000 Like, they don't have a connection with you.
02:00:29.000 Like, maybe they'll let you pick them up, but like, it's a robot.
02:00:33.000 It's a little, a meat robot.
02:00:35.000 A little They're just a little meat robot.
02:00:40.000 They're trying to eat worms and shit.
02:00:43.000 That's what they're doing.
02:00:44.000 They're fucking each other up, and they peck at each other and shit.
02:00:46.000 Oh, a sick chicken will get pecked to death by the other ones.
02:00:48.000 It's called a pecking order.
02:00:50.000 They peck at each other, though.
02:00:51.000 That's what the pecking order's all about.
02:00:53.000 They have to establish who's the big bitch.
02:00:55.000 And the big bitch runs around, fucks up all the other chickens.
02:00:57.000 Did not know that.
02:00:58.000 Yeah, dude, it's a weird world.
02:01:00.000 Look at them fucking roosters.
02:01:02.000 And that's no razors.
02:01:03.000 No, there is a razor.
02:01:04.000 I see one's taped up.
02:01:06.000 No, maybe not.
02:01:06.000 No, no razors.
02:01:07.000 That's just a feather, I think.
02:01:08.000 Yeah, so now imagine a razor on the end of one of their claws and they're coming right trying to like slash them.
02:01:14.000 Boom.
02:01:15.000 It's weird.
02:01:16.000 I mean, they're beautiful though.
02:01:17.000 It's not like that.
02:01:18.000 I don't think they're great looking.
02:01:19.000 No razors on these.
02:01:20.000 They're tied together on this one.
02:01:21.000 Oh yeah, they tied their feet together.
02:01:22.000 Oh my god.
02:01:23.000 They're just letting them fuck each other up.
02:01:26.000 That's even more ruthless.
02:01:28.000 I saw a foot on the ground.
02:01:30.000 Just a chicken foot with a razor attached to it, just on the ground.
02:01:33.000 So do you think that should be legal?
02:01:34.000 Yeah.
02:01:35.000 Do whatever you want.
02:01:37.000 The fuck do I care?
02:01:39.000 I don't know, it's your chicken.
02:01:40.000 For real, no, for real.
02:01:42.000 Like, is it okay?
02:01:43.000 Yeah.
02:01:44.000 It's not in this country, but in other countries, it's like- I have no problem with it.
02:01:48.000 Tony Hinchcliffe.
02:01:50.000 I have no problem.
02:01:51.000 You can have two betta fish and not that...
02:01:52.000 That's not...
02:01:53.000 I get why you wouldn't, right?
02:01:54.000 But to me, it's not over that long.
02:01:55.000 Oh, look at that razor they put on.
02:01:56.000 The Futumanu.
02:01:57.000 Oh, my God.
02:01:58.000 Look at the size of that thing.
02:01:59.000 God, it's so sharp.
02:02:00.000 Dude, I saw this guy.
02:02:01.000 They have a booklet.
02:02:02.000 Remember those old CD cases?
02:02:03.000 They have a booklet of razors.
02:02:04.000 And these guys, they're about to fight their razors.
02:02:06.000 Look through them and go, no, this one.
02:02:07.000 This guy pulled one out.
02:02:09.000 Goes like this with a razor.
02:02:10.000 Just not the sharp side on the side.
02:02:11.000 It goes, This one.
02:02:14.000 And it's so fucking frightening.
02:02:16.000 And he cuts his own tongue?
02:02:17.000 No, he just, on the side, just slides it.
02:02:19.000 Oh, my God.
02:02:20.000 He licked it?
02:02:21.000 Mm-hmm.
02:02:21.000 Oh, Jesus.
02:02:22.000 They're wild.
02:02:24.000 Oh, my God.
02:02:25.000 They're fun.
02:02:26.000 Yeah, you'd be okay with it, right?
02:02:27.000 Oh, yeah.
02:02:28.000 Yeah.
02:02:29.000 I don't think it's a good place for me to go at this stage of my career.
02:02:32.000 Into a cockfight promotion trying to get legalized here?
02:02:35.000 Well, I just don't think that that's the place where I should be hanging around.
02:02:39.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:02:40.000 It's not going to be the...
02:02:40.000 Doesn't seem like I'm going to have the best conversations.
02:02:45.000 If you're willing to take that chance.
02:02:48.000 So when I went to my gardener's place, he had this whole setup.
02:02:52.000 They had the whole ring and everything.
02:02:53.000 It was in the backyard.
02:02:55.000 It was either his house or his friend's house we went to that had the ring.
02:02:58.000 But anyway, he had all these chicken cages and shit.
02:03:02.000 And everybody had chickens.
02:03:03.000 You could hear them in the background.
02:03:04.000 You could hear them across the street.
02:03:07.000 You could hear them.
02:03:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:03:10.000 Everywhere.
02:03:11.000 Like the whole neighborhood.
02:03:13.000 It was interesting, man.
02:03:15.000 They're fine with it?
02:03:16.000 They're not there going, what the fuck?
02:03:18.000 This one had 7,000 birds taken from it in 2017. Val Verde, illegal cockfighting bus, largest in U.S. history, 2017. I was like, who cares?
02:03:29.000 Let him do it.
02:03:29.000 I just don't see the problem with it.
02:03:31.000 The Humane Society cares.
02:03:34.000 It's not unusual to hear birds start to vomit or regurgitate blood.
02:03:37.000 Yeah, but don't go, Eric Sackett.
02:03:39.000 Where's the line outside of Kentucky Fried Chicken?
02:03:42.000 It's like, what do you think?
02:03:43.000 I ain't losing any blood in that?
02:03:44.000 But at least then we're using it for a good thing, which is food.
02:03:47.000 You're allowed to use animals for food, not for pleasure.
02:03:49.000 They eat the rooster.
02:03:50.000 The winner gets to eat the rooster of the loser.
02:03:52.000 That's how it is.
02:03:53.000 They go home with them.
02:03:54.000 Do they?
02:03:54.000 Yeah.
02:03:55.000 For real.
02:03:55.000 That's one of your rewards is you get to go home with a loser.
02:03:58.000 I think the rooster, though, would be tough to eat.
02:04:01.000 I think they'd probably be like real sinewy.
02:04:03.000 I saw a guy in that country eating parrots.
02:04:04.000 I think they're going to take a chance on a rooster.
02:04:06.000 He ate parrots?
02:04:07.000 Yeah.
02:04:08.000 Really?
02:04:08.000 I saw him looking up in the trees, and I'm like, what are you doing?
02:04:11.000 He was looking for parrots.
02:04:12.000 I'm like, why?
02:04:13.000 I'm like, to kill them.
02:04:14.000 I'm like, what?
02:04:15.000 He goes, yeah, I eat them.
02:04:15.000 I'm like, have you gotten any?
02:04:16.000 He lifts up his shirt, four dead parrots hanging off his belt.
02:04:19.000 Wow.
02:04:19.000 I mean, they can't be good.
02:04:21.000 Anything that we don't eat can't be good.
02:04:23.000 You remember the one time that we had- So arrogant.
02:04:26.000 Yeah.
02:04:28.000 We would eat it instantly.
02:04:29.000 Yeah, we're the real kings of the jungle.
02:04:32.000 Remember that time we had...
02:04:33.000 We don't even live in the jungle.
02:04:34.000 We're like the lions.
02:04:35.000 We're fakers.
02:04:37.000 What's the unicorn of the sea?
02:04:40.000 Norwalk.
02:04:41.000 A norwalk?
02:04:41.000 Yeah, remember that time we ate that?
02:04:44.000 Where?
02:04:44.000 In Iceland or something?
02:04:45.000 No, no, no.
02:04:46.000 Someone gave us...
02:04:47.000 It was an indigenous guy in Canada.
02:04:50.000 If you're an indigenous guy in Canada, you're allowed to hunt a norwalk.
02:04:54.000 And it's kind of creepy.
02:04:56.000 Wow.
02:04:57.000 So we sat down at this restaurant.
02:04:59.000 We should probably not say the restaurant.
02:05:00.000 And the guy said, I'm going to bring you something over that's going to freak you out.
02:05:05.000 I was like, try this.
02:05:07.000 This is Norwal.
02:05:08.000 And we're like, what?
02:05:09.000 And by the way, not worth it.
02:05:12.000 Really?
02:05:12.000 It was one of the best meals of my life.
02:05:15.000 However...
02:05:15.000 The meal was amazing, but the Norwal...
02:05:17.000 It started, and I almost think that they gave it to us first to make everything else taste a thousand times better.
02:05:24.000 I don't think they gave it to us first.
02:05:25.000 It was in the middle of stuff.
02:05:27.000 He gave us a bunch of stuff.
02:05:28.000 It wasn't good.
02:05:29.000 No, it wasn't good.
02:05:30.000 Bland?
02:05:31.000 Blubbery?
02:05:31.000 What was it?
02:05:31.000 One of those things where you're like, okay, this is an odd thing.
02:05:34.000 Like, why does one eat this?
02:05:36.000 And I don't think you're allowed to sell it either.
02:05:38.000 I think it's one of those things where someone can serve it to you.
02:05:40.000 And if you're a native, you're allowed to hunt them.
02:05:43.000 You know, they call them First Peoples, I think.
02:05:46.000 Yeah.
02:05:47.000 Is that what they...
02:05:48.000 Maybe.
02:05:48.000 What is the...
02:05:51.000 Whatever.
02:05:51.000 What is their term for Native American in Canada?
02:05:56.000 The flavor.
02:05:57.000 Indigenous?
02:05:57.000 It was like a homeless guy's foot.
02:05:59.000 I want to say it's like First People.
02:06:00.000 This is calling it Inuit raw meat and fish.
02:06:03.000 No, no, no.
02:06:04.000 But I'm asking for the thing about people that live in Canada.
02:06:09.000 First Nations.
02:06:09.000 First Nations.
02:06:09.000 That's it.
02:06:10.000 First Nations.
02:06:10.000 So First Nations people, they can, you know, if they lived in that area where they traditionally hunted whales.
02:06:15.000 They're still allowed.
02:06:17.000 Yeah, I think you can hunt a lot of stuff that we can't hunt, like seals.
02:06:20.000 Cool.
02:06:21.000 I saw this Alaska show, and there was a husband and wife team.
02:06:25.000 You can't tell me who to root for.
02:06:26.000 And the wife had to shoot the seal when they were going to eat a seal.
02:06:31.000 The wife had to shoot it.
02:06:32.000 Really?
02:06:32.000 Yeah, she was Eskimo.
02:06:35.000 Oh, she had to be the one pulling the trigger.
02:06:37.000 She had to be the one pulling the trigger.
02:06:38.000 Wow.
02:06:38.000 Yeah, he couldn't pull the trigger.
02:06:39.000 He's not allowed to shoot it.
02:06:42.000 What is that?
02:06:43.000 Which is kind of wild.
02:06:44.000 That's the meat.
02:06:45.000 Wow.
02:06:46.000 How interesting looking.
02:06:47.000 Harvested by Inuit family near Yellowknife, Northwest Territories.
02:06:51.000 I always see Yellowknife when you go to the airport in Canada and you see, like, taking off your Yellowknife.
02:06:55.000 It's like, who the fuck goes to Yellowknife?
02:06:57.000 Where is that place?
02:06:58.000 Has anyone ever done a show in Yellowknife?
02:07:00.000 I don't know.
02:07:01.000 I bet there's a lot of hunting up there.
02:07:04.000 Canadians hunt their ass off.
02:07:07.000 That's the meat.
02:07:08.000 Yep.
02:07:09.000 That's what it looked like.
02:07:10.000 Pass.
02:07:11.000 Plus the guilt.
02:07:12.000 You never get rid of the guilt.
02:07:14.000 You ate a whale.
02:07:15.000 You guys forgot about it till now.
02:07:17.000 Is that the cutest thing you've ever eaten?
02:07:21.000 I eat puffin.
02:07:24.000 In Iceland, I think, or Norway.
02:07:26.000 What was that like?
02:07:27.000 Good, fatty, and then orca, I think.
02:07:30.000 What?
02:07:30.000 Some sort of whale.
02:07:31.000 Whale burgers in Norway.
02:07:34.000 You ate a whale burger?
02:07:35.000 Yeah.
02:07:36.000 Jesus Christ, you criminal.
02:07:37.000 It might have been orca, but it was whale burgers.
02:07:38.000 It's totally illegal.
02:07:39.000 They have a lot of them.
02:07:40.000 They have a lot of whales?
02:07:40.000 No shortage.
02:07:41.000 No shortage out there.
02:07:42.000 Oh, this is a troll.
02:07:42.000 He's trolling us.
02:07:43.000 No, no, no.
02:07:43.000 For real.
02:07:44.000 You're allowed to eat them.
02:07:44.000 They serve in a restaurant.
02:07:45.000 It's on the menu.
02:07:46.000 I smelled it.
02:07:47.000 Jamie, this is the best thing about being a troll.
02:07:49.000 Sometimes you're telling the truth and people won't believe you.
02:07:52.000 Whale burger sounds weird.
02:07:54.000 It was okay.
02:07:55.000 You sure this wasn't a wall burger?
02:07:58.000 Is it a chain?
02:07:59.000 Yeah, Marky Mark's place.
02:08:00.000 Yeah, maybe.
02:08:03.000 Yeah, people used to hunt whales all the time.
02:08:06.000 Look at that thing.
02:08:09.000 Whale burger with fur lobster.
02:08:10.000 That's crazy.
02:08:11.000 Vegas.
02:08:12.000 Oh, it's happening in Vegas.
02:08:13.000 What?
02:08:15.000 No, that's just a burger.
02:08:16.000 They're calling it a whale.
02:08:17.000 That's just a bacon cheeseburger, bro.
02:08:19.000 No, $100 whale burger with fried lobster, wagyu, and beef.
02:08:23.000 That whale burger?
02:08:24.000 That is not whale.
02:08:26.000 Well, why would you call it a whale burger?
02:08:27.000 A whale of a burger?
02:08:28.000 It says Vegas.
02:08:29.000 So?
02:08:30.000 It's Vegas.
02:08:30.000 Click on that.
02:08:31.000 Where's the whale?
02:08:32.000 This place is also in Pasadena.
02:08:33.000 The 50-50 is the ground beef bacon burger they make.
02:08:37.000 Right, but why are they calling it a 100% whale burger?
02:08:39.000 It might be the size of the whale.
02:08:41.000 Click on it or something.
02:08:42.000 Yeah, it's the size of the burger.
02:08:43.000 They're just calling it a whale.
02:08:44.000 Yeah, it's the size of the burger.
02:08:45.000 Yeah, look, it's just a cheeseburger, then it's got bacon.
02:08:48.000 What else is on it?
02:08:49.000 Lobster?
02:08:50.000 Oh, it's right there.
02:08:51.000 What's that top thing on it?
02:08:53.000 Wagyu beef.
02:08:53.000 That's bacon.
02:08:54.000 Lobster.
02:08:54.000 Lobster.
02:08:55.000 Is it?
02:08:55.000 Oh, the top top thing.
02:08:57.000 Yeah, the top top thing.
02:08:58.000 One pound of Wagyu beef.
02:09:00.000 Right.
02:09:00.000 Gold dust of billionaire's bacon.
02:09:02.000 America's doomed.
02:09:03.000 Fried lobster tail.
02:09:04.000 That's it.
02:09:05.000 So that white stuff is the lobster tail.
02:09:06.000 Look up Norway whale burger.
02:09:08.000 Okay, but that's better.
02:09:09.000 That is better.
02:09:10.000 That's great.
02:09:11.000 I mean, always order that one, but for one time, order the other one.
02:09:14.000 There also is comedy in Yellowknife.
02:09:17.000 Yellowknife?
02:09:18.000 Oh, really?
02:09:18.000 There's a lot of comedy shows.
02:09:19.000 I don't know how big it was, but there's comedy shows.
02:09:21.000 I might have been there once, man.
02:09:23.000 I never went with you.
02:09:24.000 Maybe.
02:09:25.000 Where's that one place we performed in that hockey arena that one time?
02:09:28.000 Oh, that was fun.
02:09:29.000 Saskatoon?
02:09:30.000 I forget.
02:09:31.000 Did we do that?
02:09:32.000 Did you do that with us?
02:09:32.000 It was Brian Callen.
02:09:34.000 Callen did?
02:09:34.000 The hockey rink?
02:09:35.000 Yeah, that one was the worst sound ever.
02:09:38.000 Norway's whale meat industry has gone to the dogs.
02:09:41.000 What?
02:09:42.000 I don't know.
02:09:42.000 What does that mean?
02:09:43.000 What does it got, like, hay on it and shit?
02:09:45.000 What the fuck's going on there?
02:09:46.000 Seasoning.
02:09:47.000 Weird.
02:09:48.000 That's not seasoning, is it?
02:09:49.000 Just dirt.
02:09:50.000 That looks like grass.
02:09:51.000 Just fucking hay.
02:09:52.000 Yeah.
02:09:53.000 That's like someone dropped it before they took the photo and they were too lazy to pick all the hay off of it.
02:09:58.000 That's whale meat?
02:10:00.000 No.
02:10:00.000 Is that real?
02:10:02.000 Where can I eat whale meat in Norway?
02:10:04.000 Imagine if you're one of those creeps that just wants to eat things that are exotic or endangered.
02:10:09.000 There's a whole group of people that do that.
02:10:10.000 Do you know that?
02:10:11.000 I'm one of them.
02:10:11.000 I just don't enter it.
02:10:13.000 There was a guy who told me he had to go to a foreign country.
02:10:15.000 I don't want to say which one because I don't know.
02:10:17.000 Where something's legal?
02:10:19.000 Well, you could do whatever you want there.
02:10:20.000 It's not a matter of whether or not it's legal.
02:10:23.000 He'd get away with it.
02:10:24.000 And there was a menu.
02:10:25.000 And all these very wealthy people would go to this place.
02:10:28.000 And they would have this annual dinner where they would cook things like tiger and chimpanzee and wild shit.
02:10:36.000 They'd cook all illegal stuff.
02:10:37.000 All stuff that you can't buy anywhere else.
02:10:40.000 Things like rhino.
02:10:41.000 They would serve rhino.
02:10:42.000 Wow.
02:10:43.000 Yeah.
02:10:43.000 My buddy ate monkey meat.
02:10:46.000 I don't know if it was India or China.
02:10:47.000 I feel like it was China.
02:10:48.000 Monkey meat?
02:10:49.000 They take monkey brain.
02:10:51.000 They take the monkey and tie him down live.
02:10:53.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
02:10:54.000 Shoot him so they fucking get paralyzed still.
02:10:56.000 Your friend at the Temple of Doom?
02:10:58.000 That's what it felt like.
02:10:59.000 And they cut their fucking head open while they're still alive and everyone eats out of the brain.
02:11:03.000 What?
02:11:03.000 Yeah.
02:11:04.000 That's real?
02:11:06.000 Oh my god.
02:11:08.000 Oh my god.
02:11:09.000 Look at that block.
02:11:10.000 It says fiction.
02:11:12.000 Oh, the monkey brain scene in Faces of Death.
02:11:15.000 That's what that was.
02:11:17.000 So your friend actually saw this happen?
02:11:19.000 Yeah.
02:11:20.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
02:11:23.000 Go back one, Jamie.
02:11:24.000 Where were you just before?
02:11:25.000 I was looking at a different image.
02:11:28.000 Look at the pile of brains in the corner.
02:11:30.000 The lower left hand corner.
02:11:31.000 They're frying them up?
02:11:33.000 Is that a pile of monkey brains?
02:11:36.000 Goddamn.
02:11:37.000 Depends how big that pot is.
02:11:38.000 Nine weird and interesting foods you'll find in China.
02:11:42.000 Are they really eating monkey brains?
02:11:46.000 Yeah.
02:11:46.000 But wouldn't you think that that would be dangerous?
02:11:48.000 Monkey brains.
02:11:49.000 Oh my god, that's a bowl of monkey brains.
02:11:52.000 Monkey brains is a dish consisting of, at least partially, the brains of some species of monkey or ape.
02:11:58.000 However, this is a very rare dish that is considered extremely cruel by the vast majority of the Chinese.
02:12:03.000 Someone sounds woke.
02:12:05.000 Monkey brains have traditionally been eaten in parts of China and Southeast Asia because people believe they will be imbued with ancient wisdom.
02:12:14.000 When I actually talked to a guy in each team where he goes, we ate him as a kid and now nobody kind of eats him anymore.
02:12:20.000 No more monkey brains.
02:12:21.000 Yeah.
02:12:22.000 Studies are out or whatever.
02:12:24.000 David Cho, you know, the artist, he went with the Hadza, he went hunting, and they hunted baboons.
02:12:30.000 And they hunt and kill baboons, because apparently the area that they're at, where they hunt at, has been so cleared out of animals that they've taken to, like, they primarily hunt these primates, and they hunt fucking baboons.
02:12:45.000 Guns?
02:12:45.000 Bows and arrows.
02:12:46.000 Whoa.
02:12:46.000 He says it's wild.
02:12:48.000 He said when the baboon got hit with the arrow, he grabs it, like, Like a person.
02:12:52.000 I was trying to pull it out of him.
02:12:57.000 Baboons are a weird thing.
02:12:59.000 If a monkey fucked a dog, right?
02:13:02.000 They have these long faces and giant ass fucking teeth.
02:13:06.000 And baboons will steal people's babies.
02:13:08.000 What's the one that ate those people's eyeballs out?
02:13:11.000 Chimps.
02:13:12.000 They're all fucking stay away.
02:13:13.000 But baboons, they'll steal your baby and eat it for sure.
02:13:16.000 Chimps will too.
02:13:18.000 Yeah.
02:13:21.000 Can you imagine losing your baby to a fucking chimp?
02:13:23.000 Oh my god.
02:13:24.000 Or seeing it about to get on there and you're like, that moment.
02:13:26.000 And they wouldn't even eat it out of your view.
02:13:28.000 Mm-mm.
02:13:28.000 They would just huddle up and just hunch over it in the middle of the park and you'd be screaming while the scene eats your kid head first.
02:13:36.000 Whoa.
02:13:37.000 Yeah.
02:13:37.000 And then if you fucking run up on them, they'll either beat the shit out of you or they'll just climb a tree and eat your kid in the tree.
02:13:46.000 That would be a tough one to fucking deal with.
02:13:48.000 That's a therapy moment for sure.
02:13:50.000 Nature's so ruthless, man.
02:13:52.000 Imagine what they would be saying about us if they could talk.
02:13:55.000 Like, these assholes.
02:13:57.000 They just shoot people for purses.
02:13:59.000 Yeah.
02:14:00.000 They eat everything that they wear.
02:14:02.000 Just for the shoes.
02:14:03.000 They already have shoes on.
02:14:04.000 Why would you shoot that guy for shoes?
02:14:06.000 Yeah, I just got new ostrich cowboy boots.
02:14:08.000 I'm not wearing them right now, but I gotta tell you, I never knew it would happen, but ostrich, it's fun to wear.
02:14:15.000 Ostrich is a weird animal too.
02:14:17.000 Ostrich is good, those burgers.
02:14:20.000 They're mean little fuckers.
02:14:21.000 They'll peck at you.
02:14:22.000 Smash at you with your neck.
02:14:23.000 They can kick the shit out of you too.
02:14:25.000 Those big ass legs, they'll fuck you up.
02:14:27.000 That's why I wear them as boots is because I was trying to help the environment or something like that.
02:14:32.000 Yeah, man.
02:14:35.000 You bailed on that.
02:14:39.000 Oh no.
02:14:40.000 Look at that thing.
02:14:42.000 Yep.
02:14:43.000 Wow.
02:14:44.000 What a mean face.
02:14:45.000 God damn.
02:14:46.000 Right?
02:14:46.000 If you saw that, like if you went to sleep and you woke up and that was looking at you like, ah!
02:14:50.000 That was cute.
02:14:52.000 No, that one's about to eat you.
02:14:54.000 No, the one...
02:14:55.000 The one in the lower corner?
02:14:56.000 Yeah.
02:14:57.000 Yeah, that one right there.
02:14:58.000 No, the one that you would just...
02:14:59.000 No, no, the one that you would just...
02:15:00.000 Yeah, that one.
02:15:01.000 That one's right about to bite your fucking nose off.
02:15:04.000 It looks cute for half a second.
02:15:06.000 Yeah, I was gonna say, it looks like it smoked one of those snoop blunts we had last night.
02:15:09.000 It looks like one of those birds from Madagascar.
02:15:12.000 If an ostrich attacks you, how do you think you respond?
02:15:15.000 Look at that thing.
02:15:17.000 That's so mean.
02:15:18.000 Look at the eyes on that thing.
02:15:19.000 That thing doesn't give a fuck about you.
02:15:22.000 Right?
02:15:23.000 Look at his eyes.
02:15:24.000 If an ostrich goes after you, what do you think your move is, Ari?
02:15:28.000 I guess there's an ancient part you say in Hebrew, hero Israel, I am the Lord, I am God.
02:15:32.000 And if you say that, you go straight to heaven.
02:15:34.000 Oh, you have to say that while the ostrich is kicking you to death?
02:15:36.000 Yeah, right before.
02:15:36.000 Yeah, say it quick.
02:15:38.000 You're gone.
02:15:38.000 Tony, you're a wrestler.
02:15:39.000 Yeah.
02:15:40.000 How would you, if an ostrich comes at you?
02:15:43.000 How tall of an ostrich?
02:15:45.000 Taller than you.
02:15:46.000 Taller than me?
02:15:46.000 Well, their neck will be taller than you, but their body won't be.
02:15:49.000 The thing you have to worry about is the legs.
02:15:51.000 I'm gonna keep my hands up and I'm gonna shoot low, double leg takedown, drive through, yep, drive through, it's sort of Khabib, put my legs under his, get full mount, and then beat the shit out of it.
02:16:03.000 That would be my approach.
02:16:04.000 So you would beat the shit out of it with you?
02:16:07.000 What?
02:16:07.000 Oh my god, the guy's riding an ostrich.
02:16:10.000 Tony, I want you to reconsider.
02:16:11.000 Yeah, no.
02:16:13.000 Now that I'm seeing what it's shaking.
02:16:15.000 Go back to that image.
02:16:15.000 Actually, no.
02:16:16.000 That guy looks like he is the ostrich.
02:16:18.000 Like his legs are the ostrich's.
02:16:20.000 Jamie, go to the one in the middle up there with the red.
02:16:24.000 Yeah, look at the legs on that.
02:16:25.000 They're racing them.
02:16:25.000 Jamie, you ain't doing jack shit to those legs.
02:16:28.000 Tony said it.
02:16:29.000 Don't put me on that argument.
02:16:30.000 Alright, I'm changing my mind.
02:16:32.000 I'm going to go full...
02:16:32.000 Tony, excuse me.
02:16:33.000 I'm going to go under.
02:16:36.000 I'm going to get under and fucking choke it.
02:16:39.000 I'm going to jump up like Oliveira.
02:16:41.000 I'm going to get full jump on and choke up.
02:16:47.000 So you're going to take its back.
02:16:48.000 It's going to bite you from behind.
02:16:49.000 You're going to get a choke.
02:16:49.000 He's got so much neck, he's going to still bite you.
02:16:51.000 He's got so much neck, he's in trouble, dude.
02:16:55.000 He's in big trouble.
02:16:56.000 The question is, can you choke that?
02:16:58.000 It almost looks like it's like a palm tree or something.
02:17:00.000 I think I would be inclined to not rear naked choke, but instead to Kimura his neck.
02:17:06.000 This is what I think I'm doing.
02:17:08.000 I take the back, and then I wrap my arm around his neck thusly, and get in here, and I connect it to my forearm.
02:17:16.000 So I have one hand on the base of his neck, I have my full arm wrapped around his forearm, and I figure out a way to snap his fucking neck.
02:17:25.000 That's what I think.
02:17:26.000 And I don't think I can, because honestly it's hard to strangle a chicken.
02:17:30.000 Look at that thing fucking that dude up.
02:17:32.000 Oh, he's trying to wrangle it.
02:17:34.000 It's got to fuck it.
02:17:35.000 Oh my god.
02:17:35.000 I don't know.
02:17:35.000 That thing's beating his ass.
02:17:37.000 He's got a rope around her?
02:17:39.000 Oh, now they all turn to the guy.
02:17:40.000 Tony, that thing is going to beat your ass.
02:17:42.000 I don't think so.
02:17:43.000 This is what you said about David Lucas a couple weeks ago.
02:17:46.000 Let's leave poor David Lucas out of this.
02:17:48.000 We can't do that to him on this podcast.
02:17:50.000 Yes, we can.
02:17:50.000 It's too sad.
02:17:51.000 He wanted it.
02:17:52.000 David Lucas fell apart, wrestling Tony.
02:17:55.000 David Lucas is 300 pounds.
02:17:57.000 Tony weighs 48 pounds.
02:17:59.000 And Tony Hinchcliffe out-wrestled David Lucas.
02:18:03.000 Hey buddy, this is a good idea.
02:18:04.000 Oh, this guy climbed the fence.
02:18:07.000 What does he think he's gonna do?
02:18:08.000 Just push it around?
02:18:09.000 Now he knows he's kinda fucked.
02:18:11.000 Yeah.
02:18:11.000 He's just trying to move away.
02:18:13.000 And the officer's like, not today, bitch.
02:18:15.000 Not today.
02:18:16.000 How does it approach?
02:18:17.000 Does it bite?
02:18:18.000 What's it gonna do?
02:18:19.000 Does it bite?
02:18:20.000 He's like, come on, dude.
02:18:20.000 Come on, just walk away, please.
02:18:22.000 Please walk away.
02:18:23.000 Oh, my God.
02:18:24.000 Kicks.
02:18:25.000 Kicking.
02:18:25.000 They probably got claws, too, right?
02:18:26.000 Yeah.
02:18:27.000 He's gonna fucking get one.
02:18:28.000 They can scratch you up.
02:18:28.000 He's gonna get one.
02:18:29.000 Uh-oh.
02:18:29.000 Ron.
02:18:30.000 You're not gonna get over, dude.
02:18:31.000 Oh, shit.
02:18:33.000 Yeah, but you're getting over because it's just going to peck at you.
02:18:35.000 You don't want to get caught on that fence.
02:18:37.000 They don't have much force on their beak.
02:18:38.000 You've got to worry about their legs.
02:18:39.000 Fucking idiot.
02:18:40.000 Cool guy.
02:18:42.000 Jackass is out in February.
02:18:43.000 I guarantee he's going to pay to see you do comedy.
02:18:47.000 That's one of your fucking core audience members.
02:18:52.000 He'd be like, fuck them, dude.
02:18:53.000 I loved your tweets.
02:18:57.000 I was his gang friends front row.
02:18:59.000 I was the guy who asked you to pee on me.
02:19:10.000 Fucking dorks.
02:19:11.000 Please follow at R.I.P. Ari Shaffir.
02:19:14.000 That's aggressive.
02:19:15.000 Oh, you hit it with a ruler?
02:19:17.000 Is that a stick?
02:19:17.000 This is a wiki how on how to survive.
02:19:18.000 How to survive.
02:19:20.000 Hard.
02:19:20.000 Hit it in the neck.
02:19:21.000 Swing away.
02:19:22.000 Is that what you're supposed to do?
02:19:23.000 I mean...
02:19:24.000 Yeah, you gotta KO him.
02:19:25.000 Or, Kimora the neck.
02:19:27.000 I think I could Kimora that neck.
02:19:28.000 Find a video of someone comoring the neck, please.
02:19:30.000 I think I could...
02:19:31.000 Oh!
02:19:31.000 Go for the legs.
02:19:32.000 Oh, go for the legs.
02:19:32.000 I like that idea, too.
02:19:33.000 Star Wars-like.
02:19:34.000 Good luck.
02:19:35.000 Yeah.
02:19:36.000 Good luck.
02:19:37.000 You're not going to hurt that thing.
02:19:38.000 When you're 100 meters away, hide.
02:19:40.000 That's smart.
02:19:41.000 That's what I do.
02:19:42.000 For sure.
02:19:43.000 Three ways to survive an ostrich encounter or attack.
02:19:46.000 Okay.
02:19:47.000 I think you need a knife.
02:19:50.000 Alright, you're fighting it.
02:19:51.000 Use a long weapon.
02:19:53.000 Use your penis extender.
02:19:55.000 If you dive in with a knife, you're cutting the neck first, right?
02:19:58.000 You want to cut right where the dark...
02:20:01.000 But also, counterpoint, don't you want to go to the body where you know you'd be more likely to hit it?
02:20:05.000 If you had a gun and need to use it, aim for the ostrich's main body to better ensure hitting your target.
02:20:10.000 Boom.
02:20:11.000 Although they will be attacking with their legs and or beak, their legs and neck are very thin and easy to miss.
02:20:17.000 Wow.
02:20:18.000 Ostriches can kick hard enough to kill a lion, that said.
02:20:21.000 What?
02:20:22.000 Yeah, I've heard that.
02:20:23.000 What?
02:20:24.000 Where?
02:20:24.000 Right in the second sound.
02:20:27.000 Oh no.
02:20:28.000 Keep out of reach of the legs as you can, since ostriches can kick hard enough to kill a lion.
02:20:33.000 This is a rough episode for lions here today.
02:20:36.000 You gotta be fucking getting me.
02:20:38.000 Fucking big chickens now?
02:20:39.000 We had such an elevated opinion of them.
02:20:42.000 Yeah.
02:20:43.000 Dashed after today's.
02:20:44.000 You know what my favorite lion story was?
02:20:46.000 Remember when Cecil the lion got killed by that guy?
02:20:48.000 This is one of the first things that make me understand internet rage.
02:20:50.000 And then they found out, after Cecil, that Cecil's brother, Jericho, might have already gotten shot as well, and they were so sad.
02:21:01.000 And then they came out with a news story that said, good news, the lion that got shot was not Jericho, so it wasn't Cecil's brother.
02:21:08.000 As if they're naming these fucking lions and making them...
02:21:11.000 As if they have any memory of like, yeah, me and my brother play ball every Thursday.
02:21:14.000 Characters in a movie.
02:21:15.000 Like one lion has more power over the other lion in our hearts.
02:21:18.000 It's still a dead lion, but it's like, we don't have a name.
02:21:19.000 It's fine.
02:21:20.000 We don't have a name.
02:21:21.000 People are so fucking funny.
02:21:22.000 Dive into a thorn bush.
02:21:23.000 Opt for getting pricked by thorns instead of being disemboweled by the ostrich's razor-sharp talons.
02:21:30.000 Never gonna happen.
02:21:31.000 If no other hiding spots are available, jump straight into a thorn bush.
02:21:34.000 Wait for the ostrich to leave before climbing out.
02:21:37.000 Well, obviously on the last part.
02:21:39.000 Expect the ostrich to refrain from picking its head after you in order to protect its large eyes.
02:21:45.000 Okay.
02:21:46.000 Oh my god.
02:21:48.000 Lie on the ground.
02:21:50.000 Resist the urge to run for cover or elevation if it's too far away.
02:21:53.000 Instead, play dead.
02:21:55.000 This is why you need a knife.
02:21:56.000 You need a knife and a good rear naked choke.
02:22:00.000 Has anybody ever taken the back of an ostrich?
02:22:02.000 What happened to JustMeet.com when you need it?
02:22:06.000 Yeah, people are now telling me because I'm an old man that LiveLeak is no longer around.
02:22:11.000 Stop saying it's not around anymore.
02:22:13.000 Is that true?
02:22:14.000 I don't know.
02:22:15.000 LiveLeak was the last place to put videos where they're like, you do whatever you want here.
02:22:18.000 Yeah, anything.
02:22:20.000 Worldstar?
02:22:21.000 We did that back.
02:22:23.000 Is Worldstar still buck wild?
02:22:25.000 Yeah, still crazy.
02:22:26.000 They did shut down the main McDonald's from Worldstar right near the Comedy Cellar.
02:22:31.000 Worldstar shut it down?
02:22:32.000 No.
02:22:32.000 McDonald's shut it down.
02:22:33.000 Why?
02:22:34.000 I think too many bad videos.
02:22:36.000 Really?
02:22:36.000 Yeah.
02:22:36.000 It was like every Saturday there was like five Worldstar videos there.
02:22:39.000 Wow.
02:22:40.000 People got turnt up.
02:22:43.000 That's a problem with social media too.
02:22:45.000 People want to do things like stunts so people will see them.
02:22:49.000 So they'll do wild stunts.
02:22:51.000 That happened by the cellar?
02:22:53.000 Yeah.
02:22:53.000 That's the kind of stuff that happens on 6th Street all the time.
02:22:58.000 Geography comic.
02:22:59.000 Taking over the reins from Brody as the geography comic.
02:23:02.000 Yes!
02:23:03.000 6th Street.
02:23:04.000 818. Enjoy it.
02:23:05.000 Red River.
02:23:09.000 I should wrap this up because it's boring.
02:23:11.000 It was a fun fucking stopover.
02:23:16.000 Glad I ran into you last night.
02:23:17.000 That was fun.
02:23:18.000 Yeah.
02:23:18.000 The show was already over.
02:23:19.000 I was like, ah, fuck.
02:23:20.000 I came over here.
02:23:21.000 Timing.
02:23:21.000 Missed them.
02:23:22.000 Perfect.
02:23:22.000 The show was over and everybody was hanging out in the green room for another hour.
02:23:25.000 Yeah.
02:23:27.000 So you are headed to San Antonio?
02:23:29.000 San Antonio now.
02:23:31.000 Yeah.
02:23:31.000 I'll be in- What are you doing?
02:23:32.000 What is it called?
02:23:33.000 The club called?
02:23:33.000 LOL. LOL San Antonio.
02:23:37.000 What else are you doing?
02:23:40.000 Let's see.
02:23:41.000 I got Cleveland and Phoenix in January.
02:23:43.000 I got Denver and maybe Vancouver in February.
02:23:46.000 Is it arithegreat.com still?
02:23:47.000 arithegreat.com, arithegreat.com, yeah.
02:23:49.000 Why don't you make ari the great your new Twitter handle?
02:23:52.000 Maybe.
02:23:53.000 That's not a bad idea.
02:23:53.000 Not Twitter.
02:23:54.000 I'm done with Twitter.
02:23:55.000 Instagram.
02:23:55.000 Come on, man.
02:23:56.000 Try to get it canceled 100 times.
02:23:57.000 That's cool.
02:23:58.000 Okay, all your shit is up on your website.
02:24:01.000 arithegreat.com.
02:24:02.000 That should be your Twitter handle.
02:24:04.000 Or try a new Instagram.
02:24:05.000 Maybe we can get people to go there.
02:24:07.000 I'll try arithegreat.com.
02:24:08.000 How many followers did you have?
02:24:10.000 $450,000.
02:24:11.000 Well, you're never going to get those back.
02:24:14.000 I just fucking lost like a third of my salary for the year.
02:24:17.000 There's no way to promote shit.
02:24:19.000 Do you think your agency will, maybe they can make an exception where they let you go this time?
02:24:26.000 Maybe.
02:24:26.000 They said they just went on Christmas break, so I was like, there's not even anyone to contact until January.
02:24:30.000 So in January they'll contact people?
02:24:32.000 And then maybe, who knows?
02:24:34.000 Fuck!
02:24:35.000 Whatever.
02:24:36.000 You're better off for it.
02:24:37.000 I wish there was a place where you could go that's not censored like that.
02:24:40.000 You could just do whatever you want.
02:24:41.000 Yeah.
02:24:42.000 Or it should be a setting you should set if you want to avoid all this stuff.
02:24:46.000 But isn't it funny that the way they've set it up now, whether it's by accident or whether it's by design, is everywhere you go that's not Twitter, it gets immediately co-opted by right-wing people.
02:24:59.000 Because they don't have a place to go where they can get buck wild.
02:25:01.000 Oh, right.
02:25:09.000 You know?
02:25:11.000 Yeah.
02:25:14.000 What was it?
02:25:14.000 They banned the car racing term?
02:25:17.000 Because that newscaster misunderstood.
02:25:20.000 What car racing term is that?
02:25:21.000 They were all screaming, what?
02:25:22.000 Russell Brandon?
02:25:23.000 No, let's go Brandon.
02:25:24.000 Let's go Brandon, yeah.
02:25:25.000 Because they're all saying, fuck Joe Biden.
02:25:27.000 And the old, really nice guy, broadcaster, was interviewing him.
02:25:30.000 He was like, oh, they're saying, let's go Brandon.
02:25:32.000 I think it was a girl.
02:25:32.000 Oh, really?
02:25:33.000 Wasn't it a girl that was interviewing?
02:25:34.000 Yeah, it was a girl.
02:25:35.000 She just didn't know?
02:25:35.000 No.
02:25:36.000 Dude, she was trying to pretend.
02:25:38.000 They were saying, fuck Joe Biden.
02:25:40.000 Fuck.
02:25:41.000 Does that sound like...
02:25:42.000 She's like, they're saying, let's go Brandon.
02:25:44.000 Like, I think she was trying to cover.
02:25:45.000 And then everyone started co-opting.
02:25:47.000 It was like, hey, that's my way of saying, fuck Joe Biden.
02:25:49.000 We all know the code.
02:25:49.000 And then Twitter was like, nah, not even that.
02:25:51.000 Unless she had earphones on.
02:25:53.000 I want to see it.
02:25:54.000 She had, like, monitors in her ear and couldn't hear that good.
02:25:58.000 Maybe it was an honest mistake.
02:26:01.000 Let's hear it.
02:26:03.000 Win.
02:26:03.000 Didn't look too rusty on those burnouts, Brandon.
02:26:06.000 Must be practicing somewhere.
02:26:09.000 Yeah, I mean, y'all could ask, like, my neighbors back at Coastal Carolina that, uh, I did plenty of burnouts, uh, to practice for this moment.
02:26:16.000 Um, oh, my God, this is a dream come true!
02:26:19.000 Wow, Talladega a winner in the next...
02:26:22.000 Oh, my God, Dad, we did it!
02:26:24.000 Let's go!
02:26:27.000 You told me before this race that if you were to win, it would be incredible.
02:26:31.000 How does the reality of this moment live up to the dream?
02:26:34.000 Oh my god, this is just...
02:26:36.000 Everything we've hoped and dreamed for.
02:26:39.000 I can't wait for it.
02:26:40.000 Everything I've ever wanted to do is take the trophy home to mom and dad.
02:26:45.000 I'm so happy.
02:26:46.000 Oh, my God.
02:26:47.000 Thank you so much, Larry's Lemonade.
02:26:49.000 Thank you so much, Trade the Chain.
02:26:51.000 Thank you so much, Jabs Construction.
02:26:53.000 Thank you, Mid-Atlantic.
02:26:54.000 Thank you to all of our partners.
02:26:56.000 There it is.
02:26:56.000 Oh, my God.
02:26:57.000 It's just such an unbelievable moment.
02:27:01.000 Brandon, you also told me, as you can hear the chants from the crowd, Let's go, Brandon.
02:27:09.000 Brandon, you told me you were going to kind of hang back those first two stages and just watch and learn.
02:27:14.000 What did you learn that helped you there in those closing laps?
02:27:17.000 Oh, my God.
02:27:18.000 It was learning how each line didn't stay to one, and everything shifted top to bottom so much that it was kind of like, okay, let's just stay patient.
02:27:28.000 That's the most absurd video.
02:27:30.000 He's just answering these questions if they're not screaming, fuck Joe Biden in the background.
02:27:35.000 He's lost in it.
02:27:36.000 He was just talking about the lines he was cutting as he was racing.
02:27:39.000 And then the right wing people said, let's just use that as code.
02:27:42.000 And they started going, let's go Brandon, as their way of saying, you know what I'm actually saying.
02:27:46.000 And Twitter's like, nah, I know what you're doing.
02:27:48.000 You can't say, that's all banned.
02:27:50.000 Is Twitter banning let's go Brandon?
02:27:52.000 Didn't they take it down?
02:27:54.000 I heard that.
02:27:54.000 Why don't you post Let's Go, Brandon?
02:27:56.000 We'll sit and watch like this.
02:27:57.000 Watch it.
02:27:57.000 It should blow up.
02:27:59.000 Well, right from what I understand, they just said that if you tweet that you can spread COVID with the vaccine, which is a fact that everyone admits and knows, they can ban you for that too.
02:28:10.000 I think happened yesterday with people.
02:28:14.000 Yeah, I don't know what that is.
02:28:16.000 I did read that, but I didn't look into it, so I don't want to jump to conclusions, because oftentimes people look into something and then sort of exaggerate what it actually said.
02:28:23.000 But what they were trying to say is they'll punish people who post that you can spread COVID while vaccinated, which you definitely can.
02:28:33.000 Because they're saying that slows down the vaccination rate, so like, well, aside, like, you can't know this truth.
02:28:38.000 Yeah, I think that's more likely what they're trying to say.
02:28:41.000 No, Facebook isn't changing policies to ban the school brand.
02:28:43.000 Oh, so Facebook's not doing that?
02:28:45.000 We're talking about Twitter, though, Jeremy.
02:28:46.000 I know, but this is the only thing that came up that said no one was being banned.
02:28:49.000 No one is?
02:28:50.000 Debunked.
02:28:51.000 So Facebook won't either?
02:28:52.000 Yeah.
02:28:53.000 So good.
02:28:53.000 Well, this is bad.
02:28:54.000 Well, that's good.
02:28:55.000 No, you know how I know, because I saw someone's post the other day on Twitter, and it said, let's go, Brandon.
02:29:00.000 They probably won't let the hashtag go anymore.
02:29:01.000 They stopped certain hashtags.
02:29:03.000 Because it overwhelms.
02:29:03.000 They stopped all the Justin Bieber hashtags.
02:29:05.000 They were just like, it's all the hashtags.
02:29:07.000 We're not doing it.
02:29:07.000 You know, hashtag fuck you is banned from Instagram.
02:29:11.000 Really?
02:29:12.000 Yeah, I tried to write hashtag fuck you.
02:29:13.000 Oh, wow.
02:29:14.000 And what happened?
02:29:15.000 What came up?
02:29:16.000 Wouldn't do it.
02:29:17.000 Wouldn't do it.
02:29:18.000 And then I made a post about how hashtag fuck you is banned.
02:29:22.000 Because it was about the single bullet theory.
02:29:24.000 I was making a post about...
02:29:26.000 It's because I was having a conversation with someone on the JFK assassination.
02:29:30.000 And I wrote hashtag fuck you at the end of it.
02:29:32.000 Because they declined to release all the documents.
02:29:35.000 You know, they had a chance to release documents from 1963 about Kennedy's assassination.
02:29:40.000 And they decided to not release them to the general public.
02:29:43.000 Like, why?
02:29:45.000 Why?
02:29:45.000 Why won't you tell us what the fuck happened from 1963?
02:29:48.000 Do you have evidence that would piss everybody off?
02:29:50.000 Like, what is it?
02:29:52.000 Hashtag fuck you is a way to express yourself.
02:29:54.000 I posted about the single bullet theory, about how stupid the theory is.
02:29:58.000 They found this bullet in Connelly's gurney that went through two guys, just mysteriously wound up in a semi-pristine state on a gurney just by accident.
02:30:07.000 Get the fuck out of here.
02:30:10.000 It's such an offensively stupid That's a single bullet theory.
02:30:15.000 And they only did it because they had to.
02:30:17.000 They sold to everybody.
02:30:18.000 They did.
02:30:18.000 They sold to everybody.
02:30:19.000 That's a part of the Oliver Stone documentary, the new documentary on JFK. It's heavy, man.
02:30:24.000 It's really interesting.
02:30:25.000 That same shit, they're like, no, what do you mean?
02:30:27.000 And it's like, obviously, it's the same thing with Nancy Pelosi.
02:30:30.000 He's like, no, I don't share that information with my husband.
02:30:31.000 Why would I? He just happened to make a lot of money in this thing, the only thing I knew about.
02:30:34.000 We should totally be allowed to participate.
02:30:36.000 Dude, I made so many people mad when your deal came up, your Spotify deal.
02:30:41.000 And I was like, yeah, you told me about it before it went public.
02:30:44.000 And I put like 10, 20 grand into the stock market.
02:30:48.000 And I skirted by it.
02:30:50.000 People were like, that's clear insider trading!
02:30:52.000 Reported, reported.
02:30:53.000 That's hilarious.
02:30:55.000 So that would be insider trading.
02:30:57.000 For sure.
02:30:57.000 Isn't that wild?
02:30:58.000 Yeah.
02:30:59.000 For sure.
02:31:00.000 Using information.
02:31:01.000 Like, I know what players hurt.
02:31:02.000 Oh, let me bet against that team.
02:31:03.000 What if I gambled on Spotify?
02:31:06.000 Would that be insider information if I'm a part of it?
02:31:08.000 If it's about me?
02:31:09.000 You had to get stock options, right?
02:31:10.000 I know!
02:31:11.000 I think you were supposed to wait for the announcement so it's fair for everyone.
02:31:14.000 I think that's the thing.
02:31:14.000 That's the rule?
02:31:15.000 Yeah, it's got to be fair.
02:31:15.000 That makes sense.
02:31:16.000 So if I started negotiating with them like six months ago and then I started buying stock, what about that?
02:31:22.000 That's the thing.
02:31:23.000 So you'd have to wait for the announcement to buy it.
02:31:26.000 I believe.
02:31:27.000 See, that brings me back to the Pete Rose thing.
02:31:29.000 I think it's okay to bet on yourself.
02:31:31.000 Yeah, I think so too.
02:31:32.000 Like, I'm going to increase the stock at this place.
02:31:34.000 Yeah.
02:31:35.000 But I could see how that would be, that's insider trading.
02:31:39.000 But when I uploaded my podcast to Spotify, like, it didn't do anything to the stocks.
02:31:44.000 No.
02:31:44.000 So if I was like, I'm going to bet on myself to change the stock, even if I told them, they'd be like, no, that's not insider trading.
02:31:50.000 You're just guessing if you're going to do that.
02:31:51.000 Same as you.
02:31:53.000 Yeah.
02:31:54.000 Not really.
02:31:55.000 You knew who would help them?
02:31:56.000 Yeah, that was the whole plan.
02:31:58.000 That's probably why they gave you a bunch of money.
02:31:59.000 That's why they gave me the money.
02:32:00.000 They don't like me.
02:32:03.000 They don't care.
02:32:04.000 You mean it's all about business?
02:32:05.000 The head guy likes me.
02:32:06.000 I like him too.
02:32:07.000 He's great.
02:32:09.000 Yeah, it's business, man.
02:32:10.000 But this is the only time where the left is actively calling for people to be removed because they're saying things you don't like.
02:32:17.000 It is wild.
02:32:19.000 It's like, it's not for you then.
02:32:21.000 Can't I just talk to my friends?
02:32:22.000 Well, there's some people that think you shouldn't be allowed to say things they disagree with.
02:32:26.000 And it's a thing that they say without thinking too deeply about it, and they say because other people around them say it as well.
02:32:33.000 And that's one of the reasons why people are so excited about deplatforming, because with some people, it works.
02:32:39.000 Cool, they're gone now.
02:32:40.000 Yeah, like Milo.
02:32:41.000 Milo's a great example.
02:32:43.000 They removed him from the conversation.
02:32:44.000 He was always in the conversation.
02:32:46.000 He was always saying outrageous things.
02:32:47.000 He wasn't going to anyone's account and spamming it or anything like that.
02:32:50.000 He was just saying shit on his own.
02:32:52.000 He just happened to be right wing.
02:32:53.000 And they didn't like it.
02:32:54.000 And they didn't like that he was right wing and that he was a gay guy.
02:32:58.000 Because then you give a little bit of leeway.
02:33:00.000 He was one of the first ones that were like, can we turn into gay?
02:33:02.000 And then it was like, yeah, finally yes.
02:33:05.000 If you were an unscrupulous politician, if you were an unscrupulous politician, do you think that you would pretend to be gay so that you could fit right into the woke moment and perhaps maybe even be president?
02:33:17.000 The only question I have is what do you mean by unscrupulous?
02:33:19.000 For sure I would do that.
02:33:20.000 Would you do it to be mayor?
02:33:22.000 Yeah, if it's all retarded anyway, then like, yeah, I'm gonna fucking join in.
02:33:25.000 I'll be like, I'll use it.
02:33:26.000 But I mean, it's, if you were- Yes, mayor, senator, anything, of course, of course.
02:33:30.000 Oh, you're saying only mayor.
02:33:32.000 In this day, well, yeah, only mayor.
02:33:33.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:33:34.000 What if it's like mayor of like a small town?
02:33:36.000 If I want the office, yes, for sure.
02:33:39.000 Why not?
02:33:40.000 If it doesn't matter, we judge people based on who they are, not their fucking...
02:33:43.000 That's not true.
02:33:44.000 Then I'll say I'm this.
02:33:45.000 That's not true.
02:33:46.000 A lot of people lie people.
02:33:47.000 The three of us.
02:33:48.000 We do.
02:33:49.000 We're like, I don't care, so I'm like, what does it matter?
02:33:50.000 But my point is, there's some social clout to being a part, like if you want like...
02:33:56.000 Villagrosa changed his name.
02:33:57.000 Same shit, right?
02:33:58.000 Yes.
02:33:59.000 It's like you're using...
02:33:59.000 Theismann changed his name to get a fucking Heismann.
02:34:01.000 Well, Villa La Grossa was Villar, right?
02:34:04.000 And then he married a lady, and they combined their two names, and that was Villa La Grossa.
02:34:08.000 Ah, that's not as bad.
02:34:09.000 Same with Beto O'Rourke.
02:34:11.000 What was he?
02:34:13.000 Uh, his name's not Beto.
02:34:15.000 It's like Robert or something, right?
02:34:16.000 Well, the craziest one is Bill de Blasio, the mayor of New York City.
02:34:21.000 That's not his name.
02:34:22.000 What is his name?
02:34:22.000 Oh, it's like Wilhelm or something like that.
02:34:24.000 What is his name?
02:34:25.000 Hmm.
02:34:27.000 It's a crazy name.
02:34:28.000 Yeah, you said it last time I was here.
02:34:29.000 I remember.
02:34:30.000 Yeah, it's a crazy name.
02:34:30.000 And you go, what?
02:34:31.000 Yeah, Beto made his Beto so that the Mexican people in Texas would vote for him.
02:34:36.000 Really?
02:34:36.000 Yeah.
02:34:36.000 Is Beto?
02:34:37.000 What does that mean?
02:34:38.000 O'Rourke is Irish.
02:34:39.000 Beto is...
02:34:40.000 Warren Wilheim Jr. Wilheim.
02:34:43.000 Wow.
02:34:44.000 Bill de Blasio, Warren Wilheim Jr. What?
02:34:46.000 Sounds like a guy at the Nuremberg trial.
02:34:48.000 He changed everything about his name.
02:34:49.000 Sure does.
02:34:49.000 Hate speech.
02:34:50.000 He changed everything about his name.
02:34:52.000 Wow.
02:34:52.000 Like, everything.
02:34:54.000 I'm just Bill de Blasio.
02:34:57.000 Yeah.
02:34:58.000 There was a while, I bet, where if you had a name like that, it could be a problem, right?
02:35:03.000 Like during the post-World War II times, when people still had a fear of Nazis.
02:35:09.000 Yeah, Wilhelm Noeck.
02:35:10.000 Yeah, that's a heavy German name.
02:35:13.000 Yeah.
02:35:14.000 We changed our name after the war.
02:35:15.000 It's very German-sounding.
02:35:16.000 What it used to be.
02:35:16.000 Spitzer.
02:35:17.000 Ooh.
02:35:18.000 You ever thought about going back to that just to fuck up your career?
02:35:20.000 Not bad.
02:35:21.000 Not bad.
02:35:21.000 I am prone to doing things like that.
02:35:24.000 You had a German-sounding last name?
02:35:26.000 Yeah.
02:35:26.000 Wow.
02:35:27.000 Wow.
02:35:28.000 That's wild.
02:35:29.000 Yeah.
02:35:29.000 A lot of Italians did that.
02:35:31.000 They shortened their names.
02:35:32.000 They made it more digestible.
02:35:34.000 A lot of people did that.
02:35:34.000 I didn't think they thought it was a big deal to switch your name around a little bit.
02:35:38.000 What was your name?
02:35:39.000 Spitzer?
02:35:39.000 Spitzer, yeah.
02:35:41.000 Spitzer?
02:35:41.000 Spitzer.
02:35:42.000 Always took you as more of a shwallower.
02:35:46.000 He can't help himself.
02:35:47.000 I didn't see it coming that time either.
02:35:49.000 You never see it coming.
02:35:50.000 I do see it a lot.
02:35:50.000 The kid's an ace.
02:35:52.000 Aldo.
02:35:53.000 Aldo to my Connor.
02:35:56.000 Yeah, but changing your whole name like that, that's wild.
02:36:00.000 Yeah.
02:36:01.000 I mean, just like, and you're saying, oh yeah, the system is this dumb, and I'm going to join in with it, that I'll change my name.
02:36:06.000 It has anything to do with my policies.
02:36:08.000 Well, names could be an impediment, right?
02:36:10.000 If you have a funky name.
02:36:12.000 It would be Goldberg.
02:36:13.000 Oh, that's a good name.
02:36:14.000 Yeah, that's a good name.
02:36:15.000 We should change it to that.
02:36:15.000 That ain't a Goldberg.
02:36:16.000 What?
02:36:17.000 Tony Hinchcliffe's a horrible name.
02:36:19.000 No.
02:36:19.000 Yeah.
02:36:19.000 That's a real name?
02:36:20.000 Yeah, it's a fit in Hollywood back then.
02:36:22.000 Oh, come on.
02:36:23.000 What's her real name?
02:36:24.000 I don't know.
02:36:25.000 Fucking...
02:36:26.000 That's wild.
02:36:27.000 Is that cultural appropriation?
02:36:29.000 Karen Johnson.
02:36:30.000 Oh, no way!
02:36:32.000 She's a Karen?
02:36:32.000 She's a Karen!
02:36:33.000 Oh, my God!
02:36:34.000 Oh, my God!
02:36:35.000 She's the number one black Karen!
02:36:37.000 Oh, my God!
02:36:40.000 Holy shit.
02:36:41.000 Oh, my God!
02:36:43.000 Wow.
02:36:44.000 Whoopi Goldberg.
02:36:45.000 And she was getting into what run profession?
02:36:48.000 It was probably Mitzi that made her do it, too.
02:36:51.000 Oh, it could be.
02:36:51.000 You're right.
02:36:52.000 I'll bet you anything.
02:36:53.000 You should say you're Whoopi.
02:36:55.000 Wow.
02:36:56.000 Mitzi used to do that to everybody, right?
02:36:57.000 Yeah.
02:36:58.000 But did she have that kind of influence on Whoopi's career?
02:37:01.000 Early on.
02:37:02.000 She doesn't open mic or she gets her two years into comedy.
02:37:04.000 She's like, I'll take your word for it.
02:37:05.000 I don't know.
02:37:05.000 Yeah.
02:37:06.000 Dave Tyree, remember?
02:37:07.000 He was Dave Tyre, but no one could pronounce it.
02:37:09.000 Really?
02:37:09.000 One E at the end, so people kept saying Tyre, so he was like, let me just throw another E so you can pronounce it right.
02:37:13.000 Oh, wow.
02:37:16.000 Love that old guy.
02:37:16.000 What happened to him?
02:37:17.000 I don't know.
02:37:19.000 I remember when Jamie Masada used to give guys advice.
02:37:22.000 She told my friend he should be Generation X guy.
02:37:25.000 You should be Generation X guy, buddy.
02:37:28.000 This is you when you go on stage.
02:37:30.000 This is you now.
02:37:31.000 You're doing it.
02:37:32.000 You're doing it.
02:37:32.000 You know what he told me in my first year?
02:37:34.000 I loved it.
02:37:35.000 What?
02:37:35.000 You ready for this shit?
02:37:36.000 He said I should start dressing like a cowboy and wear a cowboy hat.
02:37:40.000 What?
02:37:41.000 I swear to God.
02:37:41.000 So you could be like Woody from Toy Story.
02:37:43.000 And I spent the first 14 years of my career thinking it's the stupidest shit I ever heard in the last year living it up.
02:37:50.000 Thanks, James.
02:37:53.000 A lot of times, I mean, he's got to get some good advice out there.
02:37:57.000 Like, has he ever given anybody good advice that they went with and turned out to be a good move?
02:38:02.000 I never heard of one.
02:38:03.000 It has to be.
02:38:04.000 When you're around comedy that much.
02:38:05.000 Mitzi gave me tons of good advice.
02:38:07.000 What did she say to you that was good advice?
02:38:08.000 To hype her when I was an open-miker.
02:38:11.000 It's like you shouldn't hype yourself up that much.
02:38:14.000 Stop doing open mics.
02:38:15.000 You're getting bad habits.
02:38:17.000 We were just talking about this last night.
02:38:19.000 They're great, but at some point it's like I'm only entertaining the most jaded people in the world.
02:38:24.000 Right.
02:38:24.000 Yeah.
02:38:25.000 Well, there's also a bit of a defense mechanism where you'll say things just to make the comics laugh, like inside jokes.
02:38:30.000 Exactly, because that is your audience.
02:38:31.000 I had a real in-depth talk last night to one of my favorite young comedians about that, because he's a hustler, but he's hustling the wrong direction.
02:38:41.000 We were talking about how occasionally he finds himself in front of two people in the audience, and they're both comics.
02:38:47.000 And then you train that way, the way you clearly come out of the Boston bar scene.
02:38:52.000 It's like, they're coming out of that, you gotta get away from it.
02:38:54.000 But I was like, well, why am I supposed to get up?
02:38:55.000 That's the only place I get up.
02:38:57.000 And you take a few months of less spots, and then your body will make you find the good spots.
02:39:01.000 It's amazing that an art form that is so well-regarded, where people love to go see it, and whenever a big comic has a special, it's always a big deal, and yet there's no real structure on how someone develops.
02:39:17.000 We were talking the other day on the road about how when I found out that open mics were free and that you could just go sign up and get better and you didn't have to pay anything.
02:39:28.000 It didn't make any sense comparing it to college, comparing it to Anything.
02:39:33.000 Yeah.
02:39:34.000 You could get better at something for free.
02:39:36.000 Yeah.
02:39:37.000 Anyway, if you're on Comic and listening, I don't remember what I said anymore, but there's a video online of me talking about pretty much one and two year comics, giving advice.
02:39:45.000 I would think some of it would still hold up.
02:39:46.000 I don't remember anymore.
02:39:47.000 Yeah, you did that in Tempe, right?
02:39:48.000 No, at the Comedy Store.
02:39:49.000 You did it at Tempe, too, though.
02:39:50.000 You did it maybe non-filmed.
02:39:52.000 You did it a couple of places.
02:39:53.000 Maybe a class came by and said, do you want to talk to them?
02:39:54.000 Yeah.
02:39:55.000 I was like, okay.
02:39:55.000 What you did was you said you were going to...
02:39:57.000 You did it a couple of times, and I thought it was really smart because you basically answered, like, how do you get a manager?
02:40:02.000 How do you go on the road?
02:40:03.000 It's so unclear when you start.
02:40:05.000 You're like, I don't know about any of this.
02:40:07.000 Well, I was thinking that, like, everybody does it very differently.
02:40:10.000 You can't teach a person who does it, say, like Judah Freelander style, to start doing it like William Montgomery, right?
02:40:17.000 They both have totally different styles, and one's an absurdist in one way, and one's an absurdist in another way.
02:40:23.000 But there's some, like, universal truths.
02:40:26.000 So that's what you tell them.
02:40:27.000 It's like, develop whatever jokes you want, but hey, these are your friends.
02:40:30.000 Don't forget to make friends with your friends.
02:40:32.000 They'll help you out.
02:40:33.000 Shit like that.
02:40:34.000 Yeah, how to do your taxes and to duck stuff.
02:40:37.000 There's way more of that friend stuff now than there ever has been before.
02:40:40.000 Everybody was rivals back then.
02:40:42.000 Yeah, now it's great.
02:40:43.000 Now it's way better.
02:40:45.000 We're not trying to get any roles for the most part.
02:40:48.000 So it's just like, hey, do you want to come to my podcast?
02:40:50.000 I'll promote you and you'll get better off and then my podcast will be better because you're here.
02:40:54.000 I feel like this is genuinely the only time where a large group of comics are completely independent.
02:40:59.000 Independent.
02:41:00.000 How great is this?
02:41:01.000 Completely independent and mainstream at the same time.
02:41:03.000 So mainstream in the numbers that they hit, but like Tom Segura and Christina Pazitsky, I did your mom's house live, and I was like, this is crazy!
02:41:14.000 Like, this is the craziest thing anyone's doing on the internet.
02:41:16.000 They do a pay-per-view.
02:41:18.000 The things you see are fucking horrific, and disgusting, and insane, and hilarious, and the two of them are hilarious.
02:41:26.000 And I go, this is a genius thing to do.
02:41:29.000 You find videos that literally you can't get anywhere else.
02:41:33.000 Like, if you get...
02:41:34.000 Couldn't put up on any platform.
02:41:35.000 No chance.
02:41:36.000 Has to be pay-per-view.
02:41:37.000 What a smart, great idea.
02:41:38.000 Has to be pay-per-view.
02:41:39.000 And you watch, and you're like, what in the fuck?
02:41:40.000 A guy stuck a peg in his ass and they played carnival style ring toss onto the fucking peg.
02:41:45.000 That's nothing.
02:41:46.000 Shit eating is what gets me.
02:41:48.000 When people start eating shit, I just...
02:41:50.000 I had to turn away three or four times.
02:41:54.000 Oh my god, that's great.
02:41:55.000 Watching the live thing.
02:41:56.000 I can't watch people eat shit.
02:41:58.000 I don't know why.
02:41:59.000 Just for one other thing, Baby Bird was close to that.
02:42:02.000 Baby Bird was close.
02:42:03.000 Everyone eating their own vomit.
02:42:05.000 Yeah.
02:42:05.000 Really?
02:42:06.000 In a small room.
02:42:07.000 That was king of radio series.
02:42:09.000 It was a guy vomiting in a guy's mouth.
02:42:10.000 By the end.
02:42:11.000 First it started vomiting, gross, gross, gross.
02:42:13.000 Then somebody vomited into his Froot Loops and ate up his Froot Loops.
02:42:16.000 Yeah, with vomit in it.
02:42:17.000 But then the vomiting all over his mouth at the end.
02:42:20.000 When Pat Fumunaki vomited gallons of gallons of gallons of eggnog in this guy's face and mouth.
02:42:28.000 You've never seen it?
02:42:29.000 No.
02:42:31.000 Who's in the room?
02:42:32.000 It's me, Joe Rogan, Bill Burr, Voss, I think?
02:42:34.000 Yeah.
02:42:35.000 And Opie and Anthony and Norton.
02:42:37.000 Yeah.
02:42:38.000 It was an epic crowd of people.
02:42:40.000 And this kid, Pat Duffy, who's a fucking savage.
02:42:42.000 Savage.
02:42:43.000 Savage.
02:42:44.000 Legend.
02:42:45.000 He would eat dog shit that he found on the ground that was dried up for a joke.
02:42:48.000 So here is Pat Fumunaku at the end of the eggnog challenge.
02:42:51.000 He's done.
02:42:52.000 And he's eating like quarts.
02:42:54.000 The guy in the bottom was like, if you give me a job as an intern, I'm a racist.
02:42:59.000 Pat, how are you?
02:43:00.000 So, he's lying there with his...
02:43:03.000 This is my idea, by the way.
02:43:05.000 When I was hosting Fear Factor, I was like, how about this?
02:43:08.000 We have this guy lean his head off the edge of the garbage can, and Paffermunaki throws up in his mouth.
02:43:15.000 He's diabetic, Paffermunaki.
02:43:16.000 Just drank a hundred cups of eggnog.
02:43:19.000 So he has to throw it up or he'll die.
02:43:26.000 It's so crazy, dude.
02:43:28.000 And he's an enormous fella.
02:43:30.000 So Pat is standing over him.
02:43:33.000 74. 74 shots of eggnog.
02:43:35.000 He's getting another one.
02:43:36.000 And he's about to bust.
02:43:37.000 So he fills up again.
02:43:39.000 These are the good old days.
02:43:40.000 By the way, this show, doing this show, was one of the main reasons why I wound up doing stand-up.
02:43:47.000 This was FM, too.
02:43:49.000 Excuse me.
02:43:49.000 These were the good radio shows.
02:43:52.000 This was FM. This wasn't even the serious part.
02:43:54.000 I think you're right.
02:43:55.000 Okay, here it goes.
02:43:57.000 No, no, no, no.
02:43:57.000 You ain't seen shit.
02:43:58.000 That's just the first burst.
02:44:00.000 He's got eight or nine more rounds in him.
02:44:03.000 Waiting for this?
02:44:05.000 No, no, no.
02:44:06.000 It gets worse.
02:44:07.000 It gets worse.
02:44:07.000 It's cartoon.
02:44:09.000 It's cartoonish.
02:44:10.000 Wow!
02:44:11.000 It's cartoonish.
02:44:14.000 The visceral sounds.
02:44:15.000 It's like a champion's ace.
02:44:18.000 And the final burst.
02:44:21.000 One more!
02:44:24.000 One more?
02:44:25.000 I think he's got one more in him.
02:44:26.000 Oh, he's covered!
02:44:28.000 I think he's got one more in him.
02:44:29.000 He looks like a mummy.
02:44:31.000 He thought it was done!
02:44:33.000 It's impossible!
02:44:34.000 It's impossible!
02:44:35.000 It's impossible!
02:44:37.000 It's impossible.
02:44:39.000 He might have one more!
02:44:41.000 No way!
02:44:43.000 No way!
02:44:44.000 Oh my gosh!
02:44:46.000 Now, who named it a baby bird?
02:44:48.000 You got credit for it and said that wasn't me.
02:44:51.000 It might have been Burr.
02:44:53.000 It sounds like a Burr thing.
02:44:56.000 It might have been Voss.
02:44:58.000 We can't top that.
02:45:00.000 You can find that.
02:45:01.000 It's still available on YouTube for some strange reason.
02:45:03.000 They took it down that night?
02:45:04.000 It's not on YouTube, actually.
02:45:05.000 There's a version of it, but that's not the one I'm flying from.
02:45:08.000 Look at the phone quality of that.
02:45:10.000 Yeah.
02:45:11.000 Whose phone was it?
02:45:13.000 It's a fucking flip phone.
02:45:14.000 Whoever it was, I don't know.
02:45:15.000 Who was filming it?
02:45:16.000 Was it me?
02:45:16.000 Maybe them.
02:45:16.000 Might have been you.
02:45:17.000 You probably had the best technology then.
02:45:19.000 Actually, it looks like it's on a tripod or something.
02:45:21.000 No.
02:45:22.000 It's pretty still.
02:45:23.000 Yeah.
02:45:23.000 It's not moving at all.
02:45:24.000 You're right, it is.
02:45:25.000 That's how long ago it was.
02:45:27.000 It could have been a webcam.
02:45:28.000 It might have been a webcam.
02:45:29.000 They had to bring it in for this.
02:45:30.000 There was multiple versions.
02:45:31.000 Oh, this is a PalTalk Cap version.
02:45:34.000 Oh, PalTalk.
02:45:35.000 Remember PalTalk?
02:45:36.000 PalTalk was the thing that only those guys used back then for the radio show.
02:45:40.000 They were the kings.
02:45:41.000 And they did it because you had to use Windows, too.
02:45:44.000 I remember that.
02:45:44.000 You couldn't get it on a Mac.
02:45:46.000 Wow.
02:45:47.000 But there's versions of it from someone's phone, too.
02:45:50.000 Yeah.
02:45:51.000 That's why there's a couple different...
02:45:53.000 So there's this one, too.
02:45:54.000 But it was, like, not playing.
02:45:55.000 It was showing more of it.
02:45:57.000 And maybe this is...
02:45:58.000 Clear.
02:45:59.000 But it keeps stopping the video.
02:46:00.000 Like, it picks up.
02:46:02.000 Yeah, see, this is a different angle.
02:46:04.000 They cut it.
02:46:04.000 Ew.
02:46:04.000 Ew.
02:46:05.000 Come on.
02:46:06.000 Ugh.
02:46:06.000 He opened his mouth.
02:46:08.000 Yeah, this might be me.
02:46:09.000 Ugh.
02:46:10.000 I'm pretty sure I had a video of it back then.
02:46:13.000 And I think I had...
02:46:14.000 Oh, my God.
02:46:17.000 Okay.
02:46:18.000 Okay.
02:46:19.000 Oh, my God.
02:46:20.000 Okay.
02:46:21.000 Yeah, because that looked better than the PalTalk version, which is like a webcam.
02:46:26.000 Webcams back then were pretty shit.
02:46:28.000 Wow.
02:46:29.000 When was that?
02:46:30.000 I don't know.
02:46:31.000 2006. Oh shit, sorry.
02:46:33.000 I was going to guess.
02:46:34.000 Yeah, it said from the side.
02:46:34.000 I was going to say 2005. God, that was fucking great.
02:46:38.000 I really felt like I was a belonging comic being there.
02:46:41.000 What a fucking fun time.
02:46:43.000 Well, that's one of the things that Opie and Anthony gave you.
02:46:46.000 Gave all of us.
02:46:47.000 You felt like you were in Third Angle.
02:46:50.000 Third Angle.
02:46:50.000 There's a Pruder film.
02:46:53.000 It's the grassy doll shot.
02:46:55.000 It seems like...
02:46:57.000 When you would get on that show and you would all bust balls, and Patrice was there, and Voss was there, and all these guys were there, and you would always generally have like four or five guys in a room.
02:47:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:47:07.000 And we learned to do podcasts.
02:47:10.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:47:11.000 Wow.
02:47:11.000 That's the start of a podcast with comics.
02:47:13.000 Everyone's joking around.
02:47:14.000 And then when Anthony started doing his own shit from his basement and started streaming it, I remember thinking, oh, now I can do that.
02:47:24.000 How'd you do that?
02:47:25.000 He was doing karaoke while holding a machine gun.
02:47:29.000 So he's holding a machine gun and he's singing karaoke.
02:47:32.000 Yeah.
02:47:33.000 And he's got a green screen.
02:47:34.000 So he's like on a penthouse apartment in New York City.
02:47:37.000 There's an American flag behind him.
02:47:38.000 You could do all kinds of wild shit if you have a green screen.
02:47:41.000 What's that?
02:47:41.000 Fourth angle.
02:47:42.000 Enough, you son of a bitch.
02:47:44.000 It is on YouTube.
02:47:46.000 It is on YouTube.
02:47:46.000 Jamie's going to come out with one that has a camera in the guy's mouth.
02:47:51.000 Can you see if you can find Anthony Cumia live from the compound?
02:47:56.000 See if any of that's available online.
02:47:58.000 So Anthony had this thing.
02:48:00.000 He set up a full professional thing for a goof.
02:48:03.000 Because Anthony is like a single guy, no kids, tons of loot.
02:48:06.000 Tons of loot, and he's wild.
02:48:08.000 He's a fun dude.
02:48:09.000 So he wanted to just get hammered all the time.
02:48:13.000 He had a keg with Guinness in it and shit.
02:48:15.000 His pad was great.
02:48:17.000 Crazy!
02:48:17.000 It was a good party pad.
02:48:18.000 He was a wild man because he was a really wealthy older bachelor who was a beloved radio host and in his spare time would do his own show.
02:48:26.000 And this own show that he did, he went out, man.
02:48:29.000 I mean, he got fucking like real broadcast desks and real microphones.
02:48:34.000 It was the first guy that ever did this.
02:48:36.000 This is his green screen in his fucking house doing live from the compound.
02:48:41.000 Crazy gun guy.
02:48:43.000 They don't even know who it is.
02:48:44.000 He's that gun on his leg?
02:48:46.000 That's for real.
02:48:47.000 Like, that's not a prop.
02:48:48.000 And the machine gun is?
02:48:49.000 He would walk around with a gun on him all over his...
02:48:52.000 Like, if someone broke into his house, he was ready.
02:48:55.000 He was like, oh, thank you.
02:48:55.000 He was ready.
02:48:57.000 He's one of those guys.
02:48:58.000 There's also this one, which is Live Carry.
02:49:00.000 That's Pat.
02:49:01.000 What year is this?
02:49:03.000 2011. Yeah, the one before it was 2010, it said.
02:49:06.000 So he was doing this for a while.
02:49:08.000 Yeah, I think he started in like 2007 or 2008, if I remember correctly.
02:49:13.000 And I think there was a problem with either XM or Sirius, whichever one, didn't want him doing it.
02:49:20.000 And he's like, look, all this does is bring more people to the show.
02:49:24.000 Yep.
02:49:24.000 And they had an issue with him broadcasting on another platform.
02:49:28.000 But it was totally for free.
02:49:29.000 What year was it?
02:49:30.000 Did it say?
02:49:32.000 Yeah, they were like, you're going to watch this instead of the other ones.
02:49:34.000 He's like, they're going to do both.
02:49:36.000 Yeah, so these are just a few videos.
02:49:37.000 I mean, he was doing it all the time.
02:49:39.000 What you're seeing is just like what somebody uploaded somewhere.
02:49:42.000 Goddamn.
02:49:43.000 Is it Kunia's channel?
02:49:44.000 Jesus!
02:49:45.000 Look at his guy!
02:49:45.000 Oh my god!
02:49:47.000 Sniper?
02:49:47.000 It's a ridiculous crazy gun guy karaoke.
02:49:51.000 Let me hear what this is.
02:49:55.000 Oh, this is his.
02:49:56.000 Yeah, so he's gonna sing?
02:50:01.000 Why he's holding a giant gun?
02:50:14.000 So I saw him doing this, and me and Red Band were like, hey man, we can do this.
02:50:21.000 And then we said, let's just start streaming something on Ustream.
02:50:24.000 But I guarantee you, he was a giant factor in me deciding to do a podcast.
02:50:31.000 Wow.
02:50:32.000 Because I realized you don't have to have a studio.
02:50:35.000 You don't have to be on Sirius.
02:50:36.000 Because we all wanted to do radio.
02:50:38.000 We don't want to wake up.
02:50:39.000 We don't have to have these dumb rules.
02:50:40.000 And I went to Adam Carolla's place, but Adam Carolla had a real professional setup.
02:50:44.000 Adam Carolla had a garage that he used to keep his cars in.
02:50:47.000 And Adam was the first rich guy to get into podcasting, right?
02:50:51.000 Yeah, he got thrown off the radio.
02:50:53.000 Yeah, and he was doing really well on the radio.
02:50:55.000 They changed format, and they said, you're all done, but you can still maintain your contract.
02:50:59.000 They went to Spanish, but you can't do any of the radio.
02:51:03.000 But he did the internet.
02:51:04.000 Right.
02:51:04.000 So he did it on the internet, and it was a loophole.
02:51:07.000 So he did his show, and I remember doing it at his place, thinking, wow, this is, like, unattainable.
02:51:12.000 Like, how would I get a building?
02:51:14.000 How would I get all these employees?
02:51:16.000 And I remember thinking, what is all these fucking people running the cameras and shit?
02:51:19.000 God, it's so many.
02:51:20.000 And I remember thinking, this is so much, like, God, I wish I could do this.
02:51:23.000 And then I saw Anthony, I'm like, oh, I could do that.
02:51:26.000 Right.
02:51:27.000 Very few just turn it on, turn it on.
02:51:28.000 Yeah, but even what he did, like what Anthony did, he had like a professional desk setup and like those big-ass broadcast cameras and he knew how to like, and he had employees, he had people working for him and shit.
02:51:39.000 You had Redband.
02:51:39.000 Yeah.
02:51:40.000 Figure it out.
02:51:41.000 Well, we figured it out.
02:51:42.000 Well, you know what we figured out?
02:51:44.000 Like in the beginning was just simple, webcam.
02:51:46.000 And then add a few things.
02:51:48.000 Okay, now do another webcam and this one you can split angles.
02:51:51.000 So there's like one half of the screen is you, one half of the screen is me.
02:51:54.000 It was a good example of how you just try something and it's like, you don't have to get it right.
02:51:58.000 Just start.
02:51:58.000 Just start.
02:51:59.000 You know?
02:52:00.000 It was Justin TV and just like, figure it out.
02:52:03.000 If I had an executive and I said, I need an investor in my project.
02:52:06.000 Well, what is it?
02:52:07.000 Well, come on over.
02:52:07.000 I'll show you what we're doing.
02:52:08.000 No way.
02:52:09.000 Get the fuck out of here.
02:52:10.000 You guys are getting way too high.
02:52:12.000 You forget what you're talking about.
02:52:13.000 When did you make your first dollar in it?
02:52:15.000 Besides ticket sales.
02:52:16.000 Years in.
02:52:16.000 Years and years.
02:52:17.000 Yeah, years in.
02:52:18.000 But I didn't even think about it that way.
02:52:19.000 Yeah, no, it was just fun.
02:52:20.000 It was fun.
02:52:21.000 And then when I got people like Graham Hancock on, I realized I can talk to really interesting people.
02:52:26.000 Wow.
02:52:27.000 And then I met Aubrey for the Fleshlight, and that became our big sponsor.
02:52:30.000 Fleshlight, that's right.
02:52:31.000 Aubrey, was that Fleshlight?
02:52:33.000 Yeah, he was the head guy over at Fleshlight.
02:52:35.000 And then on his stuff?
02:52:36.000 Oh, interesting.
02:52:38.000 That was back when he was Chris.
02:52:38.000 Adam and Eve was a big one at first.
02:52:40.000 No, Fleshlight was your first one.
02:52:42.000 100%.
02:52:43.000 That was my first sponsor.
02:52:45.000 And only for a long time.
02:52:46.000 Yeah, because nobody else wanted to be on it.
02:52:47.000 We gave these horrendous fleshlight ads.
02:52:50.000 These ads were just so repulsive.
02:52:52.000 They were so graphic and funny.
02:52:55.000 And then we gave people free fleshlights if they were a guest.
02:52:58.000 A lot of people didn't want them.
02:52:59.000 I never took one.
02:53:01.000 I was afraid of the road.
02:53:04.000 The road, just you with this flashlight.
02:53:05.000 It was not going to be good.
02:53:06.000 Fucking it all the time.
02:53:07.000 They go through your bag at TSA. What's this?
02:53:10.000 I'll show you.
02:53:11.000 It's kind of funny where podcasts came from and what it is now.
02:53:15.000 A little more professional now.
02:53:16.000 Well, that's also, it's still like a big business, but we still do it kind of the same way we did it when we did it back then.
02:53:24.000 It's not much difference.
02:53:25.000 You act like how you would act if we were all hanging out.
02:53:28.000 Yeah.
02:53:28.000 You know?
02:53:29.000 If we were all hanging out acting stupid, this is exactly how we would talk.
02:53:32.000 Yeah.
02:53:33.000 But now a lot of people listen.
02:53:36.000 That's the difference.
02:53:37.000 I still try to do it from weird places.
02:53:39.000 I know you do.
02:53:40.000 I love it.
02:53:41.000 It's so fun.
02:53:42.000 You like to do them in other countries and shit.
02:53:44.000 Do them on lawn chairs.
02:53:45.000 On top of the Great Wall of China.
02:53:47.000 I was like, let me record a podcast up here.
02:53:48.000 It's a good move.
02:53:48.000 We did one in a car like nine years ago, me, you, and Matt Edgar.
02:53:52.000 To try to drive it.
02:53:54.000 Did we do one out in Joshua Tree?
02:53:56.000 On our way there, or?
02:53:58.000 Car ones are great.
02:53:59.000 Me and Norman do a few of those.
02:54:03.000 I've done, I think, one from a car, but we did a bunch from a plane.
02:54:07.000 Me and you.
02:54:08.000 We had a joint cost.
02:54:09.000 Tony and I as well.
02:54:10.000 We did a plane.
02:54:10.000 I think we did like four on planes.
02:54:12.000 I think I did one with Tommy on a plane once, too.
02:54:15.000 Me, you, and Dana White.
02:54:16.000 Oh, that's right.
02:54:18.000 Flying back from Australia, right?
02:54:19.000 Yeah, we did one in Australia.
02:54:21.000 It was such a long flight.
02:54:22.000 I just killed two hours.
02:54:23.000 You could write a book on that flight.
02:54:24.000 You can't even go over there now.
02:54:26.000 Wow, yeah.
02:54:27.000 If you go over there, I think you have to quarantine for a long time.
02:54:29.000 And if you're not vaccinated, they won't even let you in.
02:54:32.000 It's a wrap, kids!
02:54:33.000 One more date.
02:54:34.000 Me and Jay Oakerson and Bobby Kelly are doing two shows in Michigan, Grand Rapids and Detroit.
02:54:41.000 Presale starts January 5th at noon.
02:54:43.000 Use promo code ROGAN to get in the presale.
02:54:46.000 Is that AriTheGreat.com for that?
02:54:48.000 Yeah, AriTheGreat.com for that.
02:54:49.000 Tony Hinchcliffe, Kill Tonys, every Monday.
02:54:52.000 Best live comedy show in the country.
02:54:53.000 Best live comedy show in the country.
02:54:54.000 And I'm going back on tour, too.
02:54:55.000 It's funny you mention Michigan.
02:54:56.000 I'm doing a couple cities there, and Phoenix, and Philadelphia, Miami.
02:55:02.000 I just announced it.
02:55:03.000 It's all at TonyHinchcliffe.com.
02:55:05.000 So fun to be back on the road in front of a live audience.
02:55:08.000 It is.
02:55:08.000 And now that you've already caught the cooties, you have bulletproof immunity.
02:55:11.000 It's so hard for me not to be a full Republican on it.
02:55:13.000 Oh, I should say this again while I'm still talking about this because it's come up multiple times.
02:55:17.000 I'm going to say it again.
02:55:18.000 I've talked to more than one person who said they got COVID twice.
02:55:21.000 And I know Dr. Peter McCullough, who was on the podcast the other day, said you can't get it twice because it's 90% similar to the original SARS. And the original SARS, people have long-lasting immunity.
02:55:31.000 You mean the original COVID? Nope, SARS. SARS-CoV-2 is this.
02:55:36.000 The original SARS. So many people test positive twice.
02:55:39.000 Yeah, so this guy said on the podcast, he said you can't get it again, but I know multiple people who said they've got it again, including Mo Amer, Steve Simone.
02:55:50.000 One of Tom Segura's relatives got it twice.
02:55:53.000 Simone for sure.
02:55:55.000 Simone thinks he got it twice.
02:55:56.000 Wasn't the doctor talking specifically about Omicron?
02:55:59.000 No, no.
02:56:00.000 He was talking about COVID. He was saying that COVID-19 was 90% similar to SARS and that when people got over SARS from 18 years ago, they still have immunity, they test for it today.
02:56:11.000 Might be that it's not impossible to get it, but it's way, way, way harder for you to get it.
02:56:17.000 I haven't heard anybody get it bad the second time.
02:56:19.000 Right.
02:56:20.000 Mo Hammer barely got anything the second time he got it.
02:56:22.000 But the thing is, if you had it a second time, you might be able to give it to somebody who doesn't have the immunity, and they might get fucked up.
02:56:28.000 It's all confusing.
02:56:30.000 So, my point is, this guy saying that you can't get it twice, I don't know if that's correct.
02:56:35.000 Since the last time I was here, I had COVID. I don't know what does what, but just in the interest of being open, whatever, I immediately took Based on my weight, 18 milligrams of ivermectin, like as soon as I got it.
02:56:49.000 I was also vaccinated.
02:56:51.000 So these are two things.
02:56:53.000 And then another one, I took those monoclonal drips that are available everywhere in Florida.
02:56:56.000 They're begging people to come get it.
02:56:57.000 If you're exposed to COVID, like Simone was, they're like, you can get it.
02:57:01.000 He tested negative.
02:57:02.000 Like, you can go get that too.
02:57:03.000 And they're just like, they're there in Florida for everybody.
02:57:05.000 And they fucking, I don't know, whatever.
02:57:08.000 But Simone was saying goodbye to his mom.
02:57:11.000 What do you want me to tell your grandkids when they come?
02:57:13.000 You're not going to be around.
02:57:14.000 She was dying.
02:57:16.000 And then the monoclonal stuff in August got around.
02:57:19.000 She took that and it turned her around.
02:57:21.000 Yeah, it's better if you take it early.
02:57:23.000 Right away, yeah.
02:57:24.000 It was a long road back, but...
02:57:26.000 It's better if you take it early, but there's been, you know, stories about people who take it many days into it and still have good results, but either way, it's an effective treatment that people need to know about, because even if you're vaccinated, this shouldn't be a vaccine, unvaccinated, like, fuck you, I'm not going to listen to you because you're not vaccinated.
02:57:42.000 Just listen about medicine to these people that take it and find substantial benefits from it.
02:57:50.000 It works.
02:57:50.000 It works in everybody that I know that's taken it.
02:57:54.000 I tested negative in three days from testing positive.
02:57:57.000 I took the monoclonal drips the second day.
02:57:59.000 So two days after that, I was testing negative for COVID. Everything's got so political that anything that you say that's anything other than the vaccine, people literally don't want to hear it, especially people that are pro-vaccine.
02:58:09.000 They just don't want to hear it.
02:58:10.000 But if these things, they don't hurt you if you take them, right?
02:58:13.000 No, they don't.
02:58:14.000 So even if it's not that, go ahead and get it.
02:58:16.000 I mean, maybe they hurt some people.
02:58:18.000 I mean, I think if you give enough people a thing, some people are going to get fucked up by it.
02:58:23.000 Just because of biodiversity.
02:58:25.000 Right.
02:58:25.000 Just because so many people...
02:58:26.000 People are so different.
02:58:28.000 Yeah.
02:58:28.000 There's not one...
02:58:29.000 I mean, maybe there's like one medicine, maybe there's a few...
02:58:32.000 But people die from aspirin, man.
02:58:34.000 People are allergic to fucking peanuts.
02:58:36.000 A lot of people are allergic to peanuts.
02:58:38.000 Yeah.
02:58:40.000 Meanwhile, peanut butter and jelly is like the lunch bag sandwich.
02:58:45.000 I am self-destructive and it's one o'clock in the morning.
02:58:49.000 I come home from a comedy show and I'm self-destructive.
02:58:51.000 I will have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a big glass of milk.
02:58:54.000 Joey Rose's, Joe DeRosa's new sandwich place, has a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
02:58:58.000 Hold on.
02:58:59.000 Joe DeRosa has a sandwich place?
02:59:00.000 Yeah, in like a Lower East Side.
02:59:02.000 What?
02:59:03.000 Joey Rose's just opened it up.
02:59:04.000 What's he doing?
02:59:06.000 Sandwich and bar.
02:59:07.000 Sandwich place and bar.
02:59:07.000 No shit!
02:59:08.000 Good for him.
02:59:09.000 He did it, he bought it.
02:59:10.000 He just opened it.
02:59:11.000 Wow!
02:59:12.000 It's great.
02:59:13.000 And that peanut butter and jelly sandwich is my favorite, but he's an artist with the sandwiches.
02:59:17.000 Really?
02:59:17.000 Oh yeah, they're so fucking high tech.
02:59:18.000 Joe DeRose is a sandwich artist.
02:59:20.000 Yeah.
02:59:20.000 Is he getting bigger because he works there?
02:59:23.000 It just opened.
02:59:24.000 I assume he will.
02:59:26.000 He's been drinking heavily for fucking 25 years, though.
02:59:28.000 If I opened a sandwich drop, that would be a real problem.
02:59:31.000 Yeah.
02:59:31.000 I'd get fat so quick.
02:59:33.000 Look at that!
02:59:35.000 Joey Roses.
02:59:37.000 Wow.
02:59:38.000 Good for him.
02:59:39.000 Peanut butter, grape jelly, ruffled potato chips.
02:59:42.000 How big is this place?
02:59:43.000 It's a cool bar to hang out in.
02:59:45.000 Probably like 30, 40 people could be there, 50. Nice.
02:59:48.000 Look at that.
02:59:49.000 Is he still doing a lot of stand-up?
02:59:50.000 Yeah.
02:59:51.000 How does he juggle the two of them?
02:59:53.000 Look at that!
02:59:55.000 Joey Rose's.
02:59:56.000 He's got a fucking cool place.
02:59:58.000 It's a cool bar.
02:59:58.000 It's a cool bar to hang out in.
03:00:00.000 Wow!
03:00:00.000 Look at that.
03:00:01.000 A bar and sandwiches.
03:00:03.000 What a great idea.
03:00:05.000 Good for him.
03:00:06.000 Oh yeah.
03:00:07.000 Hell yeah.
03:00:08.000 He's a good dude too.
03:00:09.000 Great dude.
03:00:09.000 Don't try to win the offer shots.
03:00:11.000 Say no.
03:00:12.000 Oh, why?
03:00:12.000 He gets fucked up?
03:00:13.000 Yeah.
03:00:14.000 And then he's like, come on, pussy, take it.
03:00:15.000 And then fucking an hour later, he's throwing up.
03:00:17.000 And it's like, fuck you.
03:00:18.000 That old trick.
03:00:20.000 I know myself by now.
03:00:22.000 A shot?
03:00:23.000 What's that?
03:00:24.000 It's like, I know where I am.
03:00:26.000 Okay.
03:00:26.000 All right.
03:00:27.000 Let's wrap this up.
03:00:28.000 Goodbye, everybody.
03:00:29.000 Bye, everybody.