The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1758

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!

00:00:13.000 Cheers, sir.

00:00:14.000 Dude, yeah.

00:00:14.000 Happy New Year.

00:00:14.000 Happy New Year to you, too.

00:00:15.000 It was very nice to officially meet you.

00:00:17.000 Yeah, it sounds cool.

00:00:20.000 I follow you on the Instagram, watch your posts all the time.

00:00:23.000 Oh, yeah, yeah?

00:00:23.000 Okay, good.

00:00:24.000 I follow you, too.

00:00:25.000 You're having a good time?

00:00:26.000 Yes.

00:00:28.000 I've been doing these little, what do you call it?

00:00:31.000 We kind of reenact a scene for movies and it's been really fun.

00:00:35.000 It's hard because you have to know the scene really well.

00:00:38.000 So I've done like the planes, trains and all, you know, my fucking car, my fucking...

00:00:42.000 So it's been fun.

00:00:44.000 It's a new little gig.

00:00:46.000 But yeah, I try to keep it fun, Instagram.

00:00:47.000 No, you definitely do.

00:00:48.000 And you're obviously, you've done a lot of radio because you have one ear on, one ear off.

00:00:53.000 Jim Norton always does that.

00:00:54.000 That or I'm just retarded.

00:00:54.000 No, I do this in person.

00:00:55.000 Jim Norton does that too?

00:00:56.000 Yeah, a lot of people do that and have done a lot of radio.

00:00:59.000 Yeah, I've done a lot.

00:01:00.000 Yeah, a little bit of, yeah, a little, exactly.

00:01:03.000 I don't understand that.

00:01:03.000 Because you're looking at me like, put your headset on, right?

00:01:07.000 Yeah, we've been doing comedy for so fucking long and that we've never met.

00:01:10.000 It's kind of funny.

00:01:11.000 That is bizarre.

00:01:12.000 I mean, you've been doing it, um...

00:01:14.000 30 plus years?

00:01:15.000 Yeah, same.

00:01:15.000 I started in 1985. Yeah, I started in 88, so I had to reach out.

00:01:19.000 All right, I got my three.

00:01:21.000 I'm the veteran here.

00:01:22.000 Fuck.

00:01:23.000 You're a funny guy, man, and you at least used to take a lot of shit.

00:01:27.000 And I never understood it.

00:01:30.000 I don't either.

00:01:31.000 I never have understood that.

00:01:33.000 But it's mellowed out a little bit.

00:01:34.000 It's kind of like, you know, you've done it so long.

00:01:36.000 You're kind of like, okay, you can go to the barbecue now.

00:01:38.000 You're part of the club.

00:01:40.000 But for years and years, I mean, from the very, very beginning, which is kind of funny, you being a comic, but I started in Florida.

00:01:47.000 One thing everybody worried about was, you know, thiever.

00:01:51.000 You don't want to steal.

00:01:52.000 He stole his act.

00:01:53.000 So I thought, you know, not only did I do my thing just because I wanted to do props, but I thought, wow, no one's going to hate me because I'm doing...

00:02:01.000 I'm not doing anyone's—I mean, I'm stealing Crimewatch signs and shit and lugging them around the country.

00:02:07.000 So if anything, they would say, you know, okay, he's not funny, or at least he's original, but he's not funny.

00:02:13.000 But they would say, oh, no, he's—you know, everything.

00:02:16.000 I just got—I would get shit for—like, I was the shit—I was just feeling the punchline.

00:02:20.000 Yeah, you were a whipping boy.

00:02:23.000 Yeah.

00:02:23.000 You know what it's like?

00:02:24.000 It's like Nickelback.

00:02:26.000 For whatever, Nickelback takes so much shit.

00:02:29.000 It's like someone decides that that's a good punchline, you know, whether it's Carrot Top or Nickelback.

00:02:33.000 And I've seen Nickelback, and they put on a pretty amazing show.

00:02:36.000 They've got some good songs, man.

00:02:37.000 And they do.

00:02:38.000 They're pop songs, yeah, but so fucking what?

00:02:41.000 It's like they're not...

00:02:42.000 It wasn't hurting anybody.

00:02:43.000 It was, you know, so let's say I would do a show and we have a, you know, nice crowd.

00:02:46.000 It was great.

00:02:47.000 It's a standing ovation.

00:02:48.000 We get on the bus and we're driving to wherever next gig and we're all watching, you know, the TV and then boom, there's a caretop rip.

00:02:55.000 And I'd be like, you know, what the fuck?

00:02:57.000 We just did a great show.

00:02:59.000 We had a whole bunch of people laughing.

00:03:01.000 Yeah.

00:03:01.000 So this one guy is telling me, you know, that I said, whatever, you know, I've always been Yeah.

00:03:24.000 That negated every asshole that said I sucked.

00:03:28.000 George Carlin thought I was funny.

00:03:29.000 No, you are funny, man.

00:03:31.000 You have a good show.

00:03:33.000 I think most humans want everyone to love them, right?

00:03:38.000 But as comics, we're even more sensitive.

00:03:41.000 I want not only to have fans...

00:03:44.000 But I want my peers to like me as well, so it's weird.

00:03:47.000 And then people say, well, who gives a shit of, you know, you have fans that love you, who cares about your peers?

00:03:53.000 I'm like, well, you kind of want other comics to go, hey, man, I dig your style, you know?

00:03:57.000 No, for sure.

00:03:58.000 That's the thing.

00:03:59.000 If you're rejected by your peers, even if the rest of the world loves you, but comics hate you, it's horrible.

00:04:05.000 Like I said, I've done it so long, I guess they're finally like, ah, fuck it, he can stay, I guess.

00:04:10.000 Well, I think, first of all, you own the genre now.

00:04:14.000 There used to be, like when I started in 88, there used to be prop comics.

00:04:18.000 Yeah.

00:04:19.000 You became so successful as a prop comic that you own the genre.

00:04:23.000 Like, there's no prop comics anymore, man.

00:04:25.000 I think, I know, I don't think anyone wants to be one.

00:04:28.000 That's what I think.

00:04:29.000 They're like, fuck that, I'm not going down that path.

00:04:31.000 I'm going to take over all the abuse that I took.

00:04:33.000 I'd tell them, don't do it!

00:04:36.000 But we had, though, like you said, Rip Taylor or Gallagher.

00:04:40.000 And by the way, Gallagher was very much of an influence on me when I started doing Comedy Night.

00:04:46.000 And I would get...

00:04:51.000 Well, I should just say...

00:04:53.000 One day Gallagher meets me for lunch and Gallagher's listening.

00:04:58.000 So he's yelling at me and screaming in front of everybody in front of the valet.

00:05:03.000 And he says, I stole his act.

00:05:05.000 And I was like, Gallagher.

00:05:06.000 He meets you for lunch to yell at you?

00:05:07.000 Yeah, well, I think we've made up since, I think.

00:05:10.000 He came to the show and told me how to redo it.

00:05:12.000 But I know he did.

00:05:14.000 I've heard him on Stern, dude.

00:05:16.000 He sounds fucking crazy.

00:05:18.000 Get rid of that.

00:05:18.000 And, you know, stop doing props.

00:05:20.000 So...

00:05:23.000 Yeah, but the thing that I thought was kind of funny, because in my defense of Gallagher, I used to always say, it's not the watermelon.

00:05:32.000 He's a really brilliant comic.

00:05:35.000 I mean, you go back and listen to his writing.

00:05:37.000 It was great, but all people knew was him jumping on a big couch and hitting a watermelon.

00:05:42.000 But I would always say, no, that guy's a genius.

00:05:45.000 And so then he meets me and he tells me, you know what, you stole my act and you stole the stupid stuff.

00:05:52.000 First, I didn't steal anything.

00:05:54.000 He says, hey, the stupid stuff.

00:05:55.000 Why didn't you steal the smart stuff, the words, the stuff that's actually clever?

00:05:58.000 Why would you steal?

00:05:58.000 I said, but I didn't steal.

00:06:00.000 It's my stupid stuff.

00:06:01.000 What was he saying you stole?

00:06:03.000 My whole act.

00:06:03.000 He said, you know, just maybe the genre, I guess, because if you break down Gallagher prop stuff, it was always a pun.

00:06:10.000 It was a shoehorn.

00:06:11.000 It was like Rip Taylor, kind of like a, hey, it's a butterfly.

00:06:14.000 It's butter with wings.

00:06:16.000 And mine was like, no, it's a Crimewatch sign.

00:06:18.000 It was more of an invention.

00:06:22.000 Prop.

00:06:23.000 So he thought that by, you know, you holding up two things and saying it's a this and a that, like he used to do that?

00:06:30.000 See, and I never did that.

00:06:31.000 That's what was funny.

00:06:32.000 We never, I've never, my style of prop comedy is kind of an interesting, it's like an inventive, if you go back and find any prop, there's always a twist to it.

00:06:41.000 So it's not just me holding up a, it's not a word, play word.

00:06:44.000 Like the WID. Yeah, the WID. I've got my tubes tied, and it's just tubes all together.

00:06:50.000 So Moran's trying to think of what I would have, like a microphone from Mick Jagger that has an oxygen thing in it.

00:06:57.000 So it's something that's more into it.

00:07:00.000 Anyway, it's just a different...

00:07:01.000 I get it.

00:07:02.000 It's jokey, but it's also...

00:07:04.000 Yeah, and when I did The Family Guy, they called and said, you know, we got the thing all ready, and they sent me the script.

00:07:11.000 And I was like...

00:07:13.000 So the joke is, it's a seesaw, right?

00:07:15.000 So I'm like, so its prop is a saw with glasses on it, right?

00:07:19.000 And that's kind of not what I do, right?

00:07:22.000 And so I was like, oh man, this is, I don't like this.

00:07:25.000 If we change it to something that I do, and the guy, what's his, what's that?

00:07:31.000 McFarlane says, dude, no, this is, people, it's fucking great.

00:07:35.000 And I said, I don't know, but it's a seesaw, it's really stupid.

00:07:39.000 And he says, I wrote it.

00:07:40.000 I said, no.

00:07:41.000 It's not that stupid then.

00:07:42.000 I said, no, I just want to do, can I do one of my props?

00:07:45.000 He said, well, two things wrong.

00:07:47.000 We already have the animation done.

00:07:50.000 Right.

00:07:50.000 And secondly, everyone loves it.

00:07:52.000 And if you want to do it, we'll just get someone else to do the voice.

00:07:55.000 It's fine.

00:07:56.000 I said, no, no, I want to do it.

00:07:58.000 If we can't, fuck it.

00:07:59.000 So I did it, and I still to this day get people to go, dude, see-saw.

00:08:03.000 So they were right.

00:08:06.000 I just was like, damn it, I want it to be a little more whatever.

00:08:10.000 I get it.

00:08:11.000 Well, also, you've got to be a little defensive after all the years of people shitting on you.

00:08:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:18.000 True.

00:08:19.000 What is it like having a Vegas residency?

00:08:21.000 Because I've always thought about that, like...

00:08:24.000 There's people that I think did it where maybe they probably shouldn't have done it, and then there's people like you that you seem to be having a good time doing it, and then you still do occasional shows in other spots.

00:08:35.000 Yeah, I love it.

00:08:37.000 I mean, I was telling you guys out front there a bit ago that in the beginning I was very reluctant because I was my road guy, and so I would do the road and live on a tour bus and that, and then they offered the gig, and I was like, eh.

00:08:48.000 So I started doing just a couple weeks.

00:08:52.000 Which now they call residencies.

00:08:54.000 Residencies, you know, you live there.

00:08:56.000 It's residency.

00:08:57.000 But now you have a weekend.

00:08:59.000 Now they're doing a residency.

00:09:01.000 So I said, I'll do two weeks at a time.

00:09:03.000 And it was kind of rough.

00:09:05.000 Vegas is a different beast.

00:09:07.000 I just wasn't ready for people sitting in, you know, like booths and eating, you know, like dinner show, eating and kind of getting slouched.

00:09:16.000 And I was like, I'm used to people like, you know.

00:09:19.000 Psyched for the show.

00:09:20.000 Right.

00:09:21.000 Yeah, they're coming out to see you.

00:09:22.000 George Carlin would tell me, he says, you know, you couldn't get into it.

00:09:25.000 Oh, so fuck it, I'm going to go see Carlin kind of thing.

00:09:27.000 So as I've gotten more fans, I think I'm getting more of my audience.

00:09:31.000 But back then, there was just people that were, you know, going by a buffet, going, hey, get a Carrot Top ticket and whatever, check it out.

00:09:36.000 How long have you been doing it now in Vegas?

00:09:38.000 16 at the Luxor and then 10 at the MGM. 26 years?

00:09:44.000 And then at Bally's once.

00:09:45.000 One year, I mean, sorry.

00:09:46.000 Wow!

00:09:48.000 So you've been in Vegas.

00:09:50.000 Penn and Teller and I have been going back and forth on who's been the longest.

00:09:53.000 And I said, well, I do all the work.

00:09:55.000 You have fucking Teller, right?

00:09:57.000 So I win by default.

00:10:00.000 Well, you know...

00:10:01.000 And Teller doesn't do shit.

00:10:02.000 He just stands there.

00:10:02.000 Penn and Teller, they're very unique people.

00:10:06.000 Absolutely.

00:10:07.000 Very, very unique.

00:10:07.000 You know, Penn is a super interesting guy.

00:10:10.000 And you really wouldn't think that he would fit in in Vegas.

00:10:13.000 Penn?

00:10:14.000 Yeah.

00:10:15.000 He barely fits.

00:10:16.000 He's 6'9".

00:10:16.000 He's a giant dude, yeah.

00:10:17.000 But he seems like he belongs somewhere else.

00:10:19.000 Yeah.

00:10:20.000 But, so, 26 fucking years doing a residency, that's a long-ass time, man.

00:10:26.000 It is a long time.

00:10:27.000 Have you always done some road work while you're doing that?

00:10:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:31.000 We just did a last, two weeks ago, we did a whole bunch of Kansas City and Detroit and Chicago and Minneapolis.

00:10:36.000 What do you like doing?

00:10:38.000 Do you like doing, like, weekends?

00:10:40.000 I like both.

00:10:41.000 I like the Vegas show.

00:10:43.000 You know, it's kind of, you're there every night, you get to go home.

00:10:46.000 But the road shows are, you kind of feel like a rock, you know, I took my opener with me to say, dude, this is, you know, it's like, you feel like, you know, you're in show business.

00:10:54.000 You know, sometimes you forget, oh yeah, I'm in show business there.

00:10:56.000 But you're on the road, right?

00:10:58.000 And you got people out by the bus, and there's things, and there's energy, and there's, you know, that kind of stuff.

00:11:02.000 Yeah.

00:11:03.000 Yeah, the Vegas residency has got to be good for your health, though.

00:11:07.000 Because you're not fucking flying all the time.

00:11:11.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:11:11.000 So there's a lot of ups for it, too.

00:11:14.000 And it seems to be easier to kind of throw in new jokes every night because you're not...

00:11:17.000 You know, I can come in and rehearse and...

00:11:21.000 Just try it.

00:11:21.000 If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

00:11:23.000 Yeah, have you had, like, most comics, they'll go places and work out.

00:11:26.000 Like, you'll go to, like, a small club and fuck around.

00:11:29.000 Yeah, no.

00:11:29.000 See, I haven't done that.

00:11:30.000 I haven't done that, honestly.

00:11:32.000 And people always say, have you ever...

00:11:33.000 I say, no, I work out every night at the fucking Luxor.

00:11:36.000 So why about I fly to L.A. and try shit out at the improv?

00:11:38.000 You know what I mean?

00:11:39.000 Right.

00:11:39.000 Well, how many nights a week are you working?

00:11:41.000 I gotta lug it there, so, you know.

00:11:42.000 Yeah, that's the difference with you.

00:11:43.000 Yeah, I mean, that's what was funny.

00:11:45.000 Like, going back all these years, I had to, like, drug all that shit everywhere.

00:11:48.000 How much shit do you have?

00:11:50.000 Oh, a lot.

00:11:51.000 It used to be, when we did the roadshows, it was a whole semi.

00:11:56.000 A whole semi?

00:11:57.000 Yeah, we had ramps and risers and pyro, and it was like, it was a big show, and people would say like, and the people that would come there to unload the truck to set up the show for that day, let's say we're here in Austin, they'd be like, all this shit for fucking, for one guy?

00:12:10.000 And I said, it takes a lot of shit to make me funny.

00:12:13.000 I need all this shit, trust me.

00:12:15.000 I need my props and my trunks and my lights and my snow machines.

00:12:19.000 Yeah, no, I get it.

00:12:20.000 I did that way back.

00:12:21.000 The very first club I did, they were like livid with me because I had like, and I had to do it all by myself.

00:12:26.000 Back then I made, my dad was a scientist, so he made this like pedal, foot pedal, and I could hit first button, did a strobe light, and the second one was a snow machine, and the third one was something, and a sound effect or something.

00:12:38.000 And a club owner came up between two shows and says, was there a fucking snow machine in the middle of the show?

00:12:44.000 I was like, yeah.

00:12:45.000 Why?

00:12:46.000 I said, didn't you see the show?

00:12:47.000 It made sense.

00:12:48.000 I ate a peppermint patty.

00:12:49.000 I said, what was it like?

00:12:51.000 And snow came to his.

00:12:52.000 Whatever the joke was.

00:12:54.000 And the club owner got mad.

00:12:55.000 He didn't get mad.

00:12:56.000 He was just like, I've never seen someone in a leaf blower because I did it like a hurricane bit and turned into a Michael Jackson bit.

00:13:02.000 And he would say, I've never seen someone bring a leaf blower in to do a show.

00:13:06.000 Well, now you have.

00:13:07.000 I said, now you have.

00:13:09.000 And then he said, I love that.

00:13:10.000 Well, that's good.

00:13:11.000 So, like, when you go on the road now, do you bring a semi as well?

00:13:16.000 It's still a big truck, but it's not a full-on, because we took a lot of the stuff.

00:13:20.000 It was literally like setting up Aerosmith.

00:13:23.000 And when you're in Vegas at the Luxor, is everything set up for you so you can just kind of plug and play?

00:13:27.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:28.000 That's nice.

00:13:29.000 How many nights a week are you there?

00:13:30.000 Six.

00:13:30.000 Six nights.

00:13:32.000 Wow.

00:13:33.000 Yeah.

00:13:33.000 It's not bad though.

00:13:34.000 I do like six nights a week.

00:13:36.000 I take a day off on Sunday and then I do like on average three or four weeks and then I go to Florida.

00:13:41.000 Oh, so you do like a few weeks on and do you partially live in Florida?

00:13:45.000 Yeah.

00:13:45.000 I have a house in Orlando so I kind of go back and forth.

00:13:47.000 What makes you go to Orlando?

00:13:49.000 Why'd you pick that?

00:13:50.000 There's just a house there that my key fits into.

00:13:56.000 I'm gonna go here again.

00:13:57.000 But why Florida?

00:13:58.000 That's why I was born and raised, so I found a house there and I just kept it.

00:14:05.000 Believe it or not, most of my family lives now in Vegas, but my father lived in Florida.

00:14:10.000 He worked at NASA Space Center.

00:14:13.000 A lot of fucking people moved to Vegas this year.

00:14:16.000 I have quite a few friends that moved there that either...

00:14:20.000 You know, they were either thinking about Arizona, Texas, Nashville, or Vegas.

00:14:24.000 Yeah, so those are the big...

00:14:25.000 Nashville's another one.

00:14:27.000 And even Austin, right?

00:14:28.000 It's growing like crazy.

00:14:29.000 Yeah, Austin's bananas right now.

00:14:31.000 My niece goes here.

00:14:32.000 She's...

00:14:33.000 Yeah, I have like 10 of my friends moved here.

00:14:37.000 But it's...

00:14:39.000 It's better, you know?

00:14:40.000 I mean, California is just too fucked right now, and so it was one of those things where...

00:14:45.000 Yeah, I lived there for a bit near Malibu, and I, you know, I was not...

00:14:51.000 Once I got the Vegas thing, I just kind of got out of there.

00:14:53.000 Well, I loved it before the shit hit the fan.

00:14:56.000 Yeah.

00:14:56.000 Because the comedy store was there, all my friends were there, but when we realized that the government can stop you from working, that...

00:15:04.000 And not just for two weeks, but for fucking almost two years.

00:15:07.000 It was so long before they allowed indoor shows again.

00:15:11.000 I was like, these people are out of their fucking minds.

00:15:13.000 You've got to let people make their own choices.

00:15:15.000 Also, this is a respiratory virus.

00:15:16.000 You're not stopping shit, as you can see.

00:15:19.000 Yeah.

00:15:21.000 Yep, it's very true.

00:15:23.000 I was talking to the girl out there about when we first got back.

00:15:28.000 We had the very first show back in Vegas, and it was one of those things where we want you back.

00:15:36.000 And I said, who else is coming back?

00:15:37.000 They said, nobody, just you.

00:15:38.000 And I said, what?

00:15:39.000 You were the first show back?

00:15:40.000 First one.

00:15:41.000 But I think it's because I was the only guy on stage.

00:15:43.000 So all the shows with all the dancers and things, and even with, you know, other people.

00:15:48.000 So I was the only one.

00:15:49.000 Panatella didn't want to do it.

00:15:50.000 And, you know, Criss Angel didn't want to do it.

00:15:52.000 No one wanted to go back.

00:15:53.000 And I was dying to go back.

00:15:55.000 I was, you know, a year of sitting in—I mean, it's nice sitting in my boat in Florida, but— At the same time, you're like, I'm losing my sense of purpose.

00:16:02.000 Like, what the fuck?

00:16:03.000 I gotta perform again, you know?

00:16:05.000 Yeah.

00:16:06.000 So, yeah, I went back, and then, but the weird part, they put us in this 2,200-seat theater.

00:16:13.000 It was the old Criss Angel Theater when he played there, and it was only 100 people allowed.

00:16:17.000 So you had 200 seats.

00:16:18.000 2,200 theater and 100 people?

00:16:20.000 Yeah, 100 people, and distanced.

00:16:23.000 Yeah.

00:16:24.000 And a 40-foot moat.

00:16:26.000 What?

00:16:27.000 40 feet between you and them?

00:16:29.000 I used to make a joke.

00:16:32.000 I'd say, in fact, Gallag would do horrible in here and he wouldn't hit anybody.

00:16:36.000 40 feet is so far.

00:16:38.000 I know.

00:16:39.000 It was really weird.

00:16:42.000 I gotta be honest.

00:16:43.000 And my guys would be at the end and say, you know, it really wasn't that bad considering in their masks.

00:16:49.000 So you can't, it's muffled.

00:16:51.000 But it wasn't, I don't know, it was better than just not doing a show.

00:16:54.000 Yeah.

00:16:55.000 But there were nights you're like, wow, this is not, I don't want to do this.

00:17:01.000 And then it's slowly, slowly bigger and bigger.

00:17:04.000 Now we're back in our original theater.

00:17:06.000 Yeah.

00:17:07.000 I did one show in July of 2020. I did one weekend at the Houston Improv.

00:17:12.000 They're still allowing people to do shows.

00:17:14.000 And this was obviously pre-vaccines, pre-everything.

00:17:17.000 And, you know, it was still a little sketchy.

00:17:19.000 And I did the show and then we had a great time and I thought, God damn it, I'm going to go on the road again.

00:17:24.000 And then I got really high.

00:17:25.000 And then I thought, what if I get COVID and I give it to someone and they die?

00:17:30.000 That's what I thought.

00:17:32.000 And I said, okay, I can't do this.

00:17:34.000 It was just too weird back then.

00:17:36.000 There was no real treatment for it.

00:17:38.000 No one knew what was going on.

00:17:40.000 It was a little scary.

00:17:40.000 People didn't have any idea what was happening.

00:17:42.000 People were just dying.

00:17:44.000 So I took a long time off, and then I came back.

00:17:49.000 Right.

00:17:55.000 Right.

00:18:05.000 We're good to go.

00:18:22.000 I guess we started doing it in November of 2020. I remember seeing on your Instagram that you guys were going to do it.

00:18:28.000 Yeah.

00:18:28.000 And I remember people asking me, hey, you want to do some drive-in theater?

00:18:31.000 Yeah.

00:18:32.000 What the fuck?

00:18:34.000 That was Burt Kreischer's idea.

00:18:35.000 I know, but what's your thought on this?

00:18:37.000 So you're on stage.

00:18:38.000 Well, Burt invented it.

00:18:39.000 You're on stage and the people are sitting in their cars?

00:18:41.000 So you can't hear them.

00:18:42.000 Yeah, but they honk and stuff.

00:18:44.000 Well, see, it's perfect for birth.

00:18:45.000 Oh, really?

00:18:45.000 So honk, honk.

00:18:46.000 I did get a prop killed honk.

00:18:48.000 Yeah.

00:18:48.000 And it really killed honk.

00:18:49.000 Yeah, it's like they laugh and you hear them honk.

00:18:52.000 What if you don't hear any horns?

00:18:53.000 You're like, fuck, I'm bombing.

00:18:54.000 Yeah, you're bombing.

00:18:54.000 There's no horns.

00:18:55.000 See, I'm terrified of that.

00:18:57.000 It's not ideal, but it's better than anything.

00:19:01.000 Right.

00:19:01.000 And Burt invented it, so it was his idea.

00:19:06.000 So for him, it was like a chance to be on the road again.

00:19:09.000 I guess it seems more for music.

00:19:12.000 Yeah.

00:19:13.000 Than comedy.

00:19:14.000 I can't, you know, I don't know.

00:19:15.000 Yeah, it makes sense.

00:19:16.000 But even music, you want to see people dancing around, rocking out.

00:19:19.000 You see the car, you know.

00:19:21.000 If the car comes rocking, he'll come knocking.

00:19:23.000 And having a good time in that car.

00:19:24.000 Yeah, if it's a van.

00:19:25.000 You know, Dave and I, we did shows together back in doing colleges.

00:19:31.000 Oh, in the NACA days?

00:19:32.000 Yeah, NACA days.

00:19:33.000 Oh, wow.

00:19:34.000 And this is a great, every time I see Dave, he always says the same thing.

00:19:38.000 He says, man, that, so I'll tell you what happened.

00:19:41.000 So we played some, it was like Kansas or Iowa, some more Midwest town.

00:19:47.000 And we did the show.

00:19:48.000 And then afterwards, you know, we're young then.

00:19:50.000 He says, let's go get a drink.

00:19:51.000 So we go get a drink.

00:19:52.000 And we have all these college kids.

00:19:54.000 And finally, we're like, let's just go back to the hotel, like a little La Quinta, which is Spanish behind Denny's, by the way.

00:20:01.000 So La Quinta.

00:20:02.000 And this was before we had cell phones.

00:20:04.000 I said, hey, let's exchange numbers.

00:20:06.000 And he says, yeah, man, let's do that.

00:20:07.000 So he leans over the counter and grabs a pen out and writes his number down.

00:20:13.000 And this guy comes out and says, did you just take money out of the cash register?

00:20:18.000 And we're like, what?

00:20:20.000 And he's like, did you just steal money out of the cash register?

00:20:23.000 And we're like...

00:20:25.000 We looked at each other.

00:20:26.000 I'm like, no, we just...

00:20:27.000 Dave's like, I just grabbed a pen to exchange the numbers, man.

00:20:30.000 Take it easy.

00:20:31.000 I said, we're the comedians, you know, playing in town.

00:20:34.000 He's like, I'm calling the cops.

00:20:36.000 And I said to Dave...

00:20:37.000 No, Dave says, call the cops.

00:20:38.000 And I said, is that camera work?

00:20:40.000 And he says, what?

00:20:41.000 The one right there?

00:20:42.000 And he goes...

00:20:43.000 He says, yep.

00:20:44.000 I said, well, we're going to find out then.

00:20:46.000 I said, make sure that you got the footage of that because we grabbed a pen.

00:20:49.000 We didn't grab cash out of the register.

00:20:52.000 And sure enough, he's like, you boys better get on.

00:20:56.000 We're like, we just wanted to exchange numbers.

00:21:00.000 Weird, right?

00:21:01.000 I thought we took money out of the register.

00:21:03.000 Well, you know, some people live in a world of shit, you know, and you just dipped your toes into their world.

00:21:10.000 Yeah, we're like, well, we didn't take money, dude.

00:21:12.000 That's, yeah.

00:21:13.000 We should have.

00:21:14.000 That's pretty sad.

00:21:16.000 We were, you know, we were broke comics.

00:21:18.000 We should have actually taken money out of the register.

00:21:21.000 Those college gigs were always weird, man.

00:21:23.000 Yeah.

00:21:24.000 You'd travel to strange universities that would have comics come.

00:21:28.000 Yeah, yep.

00:21:29.000 I used to do all that for years.

00:21:31.000 I did a...

00:21:32.000 Goodness.

00:21:33.000 I'd do the morning in a cafeteria.

00:21:36.000 Uh-huh.

00:21:37.000 Literally.

00:21:37.000 Yeah, I did those.

00:21:38.000 Right?

00:21:39.000 Standing on a cafeteria table.

00:21:41.000 Yes, literally.

00:21:42.000 And then there was only one time in my entire career, and I mean full-on career, That I refused to go on, and it was an ACCA gig, and they had a thing in a breezeway, right?

00:21:57.000 Literally like a box.

00:21:59.000 So my trunk didn't even fit on the box.

00:22:00.000 It wasn't even a stage, right?

00:22:02.000 Like the size of this table?

00:22:03.000 Smaller than this, so yeah, it was like a crate.

00:22:06.000 And so I said, you know, my guy that helped me set up back then said, he'd come, you know, get in the car.

00:22:11.000 He's like, you're not going to like this one, you know.

00:22:14.000 I said, how bad?

00:22:15.000 I said, dude, it's in a fucking breezeway.

00:22:18.000 And I was like, what?

00:22:18.000 It's in a breezeway.

00:22:19.000 And I was like, I don't know if that makes sense.

00:22:21.000 What do you mean breezeway?

00:22:22.000 And he's like, it's like a box, like a milk carton thing.

00:22:26.000 And there's a microphone thing.

00:22:28.000 And then, yeah.

00:22:29.000 And this is when I used to have a, you know, I had to have a harness I made that would hold my, Big Mike, like this.

00:22:36.000 She said, I'm going to stand there in the middle of a fucking breezeway.

00:22:39.000 My kids are going to class.

00:22:41.000 No, seriously.

00:22:42.000 And I'm like, I ain't doing it, right?

00:22:44.000 So I said, fuck that.

00:22:45.000 No.

00:22:45.000 So we got in the van and drove to the next gig, which is, you know, probably six hours away.

00:22:50.000 And it was in a big theater.

00:22:52.000 You know, it's weird that you do one in the cafeteria and then an hour later you're in a big theater.

00:22:57.000 So my phone's blowing up.

00:22:59.000 I call my office and they're like, you can't just cancel a show.

00:23:04.000 And I said, yeah, I can.

00:23:07.000 I'm not going to do it, right?

00:23:08.000 Well, where are you?

00:23:09.000 I said, we're two hours out.

00:23:11.000 We're fucking, we're not going.

00:23:12.000 So it turns out that college and that gig and that breezeway, that guy was the president of NACA that booked me for that.

00:23:23.000 The president of NACA. Well, he's an asshole.

00:23:25.000 He is an asshole, but I'm saying, oh shit, of all people that I did that to, it was the president of NACA. Yeah, but that guy shouldn't be the president.

00:23:32.000 If he's the guy that's making those kind of decisions, that's disrespectful to the performers.

00:23:36.000 Agreed.

00:23:37.000 But I remember thinking, great, now I'm going to get blacklisted on the NACA conventions.

00:23:42.000 Did you?

00:23:43.000 No, because I think I was kind of done with the colleges.

00:23:46.000 No, it was a year early on.

00:23:47.000 I didn't get blacklisted.

00:23:48.000 No.

00:23:49.000 I went on and I kept getting books, but...

00:23:52.000 I know a lot of comics that refuse to do colleges now.

00:23:55.000 Well, now I wouldn't.

00:23:55.000 They're just too ridiculous.

00:23:57.000 No, I wouldn't.

00:23:57.000 I don't think I would do a college now.

00:23:59.000 No.

00:24:00.000 I lived on those for so many years.

00:24:01.000 And it's not against the person, but the colleges, it's just, I think, like you just said, it's probably, I don't know, the audiences that, I mean, half my act you can't do.

00:24:11.000 Like, I go back and look at stuff that I did on The Tonight Show, Regis and Kathie Lee, I still do it in my show, because fuck it, I just do what I do.

00:24:22.000 I just, you know, and people, they ooh, and I go, there's worse shit coming, take it easy.

00:24:27.000 But I would have like a, you know, a mousetrap to catch gay mice.

00:24:30.000 It was a little mousetrap with a mirror ball on it, and it would spin.

00:24:34.000 It'd fucking kill, right?

00:24:35.000 And even Gary Shanling, I do this, Gary Shanling is watching me, and he came over and said...

00:24:41.000 That was great, the fucking gay mousetrap thing, right?

00:24:44.000 And so you look at it now, but that was on network television, like 8, 9 o'clock in the morning.

00:24:49.000 And I could do that.

00:24:50.000 I had a plate for bulimics.

00:24:52.000 It was a toilet seat with a plate built into it so you could eat and throw up.

00:24:55.000 It was all this shit, but you think about it now, and they'd be like, oh, God, you can't do that.

00:24:59.000 Are you crazy?

00:25:00.000 Well, you can.

00:25:01.000 You just have to take some heat.

00:25:04.000 But the thing is about colleges, it's like they will instantaneously become activists and try to shut you down.

00:25:11.000 That's what I mean.

00:25:14.000 My show's so silly.

00:25:16.000 It's a silly show.

00:25:17.000 Gay Mice Trap is a funny thing.

00:25:20.000 Why is it even negative?

00:25:21.000 It's not negative.

00:25:23.000 Because someone's going to say, oh no, you're picking on the...

00:25:26.000 No, not picking on anybody.

00:25:28.000 Of course you're not.

00:25:29.000 Thank you.

00:25:29.000 It's just the fact that, you know, if you joke around about a subject, then it becomes hateful now.

00:25:36.000 Like, we've entered into this new area where even touching on a subject, you become like, you're hateful.

00:25:43.000 Just joking around about something, you're hateful.

00:25:46.000 Yeah, it's unreal.

00:25:48.000 It's stupid.

00:25:48.000 Well, even like with Dave, when all that went down, you know this probably more than I know, but they didn't show a lot of the people that were pro for him.

00:25:57.000 They kept showing the people that are against it.

00:25:59.000 Here's the thing they didn't do with Dave.

00:26:01.000 They didn't quote any of the material.

00:26:03.000 If you notice it, they kept saying it's transphobic, it's transphobic, but it's one of the very rare times where someone's being accused of something, but there's not a specific thing that they point to where they say that this is egregious, this is transphobic.

00:26:16.000 It's not transphobic.

00:26:18.000 It's essentially like it's a long love letter to a friend of his that killed herself.

00:26:24.000 I mean, that's really what that part of it is.

00:26:27.000 And he's saying that a lot of it is because this woman who he was friends with got dragged online and attacked in DMs and stuff by other people that were in the trans community that said that she shouldn't stand up for Dave Chappelle and she wound up killing herself.

00:26:45.000 This was...

00:26:45.000 It's not a transphobic bit.

00:26:47.000 It's not.

00:26:48.000 It's like him trying to...

00:26:51.000 You know, if you're going to give it any criticism at all, I think you could say that he talks about trans people a lot.

00:26:58.000 I mean, it's been a major subject matter for him for the last couple specials.

00:27:02.000 Yeah, I remember the last couple specials he was talking about that.

00:27:04.000 But I think that's because...

00:27:07.000 Look, he's the most beloved comedian of our time.

00:27:09.000 He's one of the greatest comedians of all time, if not the greatest.

00:27:12.000 And if you look at his career, this is really the first time he's ever been attacked about things.

00:27:19.000 And so this is his response to it.

00:27:22.000 It's unusual for him, so I think he just wants to get his point across as clearly as possible, and then he'll move on to other subject matters.

00:27:29.000 So he's devoted a lot of time to it.

00:27:32.000 When they say it's transphobic, they're not being accurate.

00:27:35.000 They're just looking at if he's covering the subject matter at all and he's doing it with humor, all of a sudden you can label it transphobic.

00:27:42.000 Yeah.

00:27:43.000 It's interesting.

00:27:44.000 It's not right.

00:27:45.000 It's not accurate.

00:27:46.000 No, it's definitely not right.

00:27:48.000 And it's not fair.

00:27:50.000 And like you said, it's weird being such a beloved guy for so long and then you find all these people that want to come out and not love him.

00:27:58.000 I think a lot of it is just...

00:28:00.000 It's a tension.

00:28:01.000 Would you imagine George Carlin, you know how many specials he used to do?

00:28:05.000 One every fucking week, he'd have another hour special, which was always amazing to me.

00:28:09.000 Talk about a guy that can write jokes.

00:28:11.000 No, he's one of the greatest writers ever.

00:28:13.000 How many specials?

00:28:14.000 My God, right?

00:28:15.000 So imagine him right now.

00:28:18.000 I would love to see a George Carlin special now.

00:28:22.000 Wouldn't that be...

00:28:23.000 Great.

00:28:23.000 Like, what would he talk about?

00:28:25.000 I know, but I'm saying, because he didn't give him shit.

00:28:28.000 He would open his show with, like, the most disgusting thing and just...

00:28:32.000 Lean into it.

00:28:34.000 Oh, good.

00:28:34.000 And people would walk, like, 30 people in a second would walk out.

00:28:38.000 Did you see the Patton Oswalt thing that happened yesterday?

00:28:41.000 No, I love Patton Oswalt.

00:28:42.000 I love Patton too.

00:28:43.000 Oh, what happened?

00:28:45.000 Patton's a very kind, very sensitive guy.

00:28:48.000 And Patton apparently was in town with Dave, and Dave texted him, like, hey, do you want to come do a set at my show?

00:28:55.000 And Patton went to Dave's show.

00:28:56.000 Dave was doing an arena, and Patton was doing another show in town.

00:28:59.000 So Patton came to Dave's show, and they had a good time together, and Patton took a couple pictures with him and Dave and put it up on Instagram.

00:29:07.000 And then, apparently, a bunch of people were saying, you know, how could you hang out with that transphobe, this and that, blah, blah, blah.

00:29:13.000 And so the next post, he makes this long apology.

00:29:18.000 He writes, like, a fucking essay on how he feels about trans people.

00:29:24.000 Oh, there he is.

00:29:25.000 And, you know, the real fuck-up, I mean, listen, again, I love Patton.

00:29:30.000 I love him to death.

00:29:32.000 He's a really, really sweet guy, which is why he did this in the first place.

00:29:35.000 But one of the things that he said is he disagrees, 100% disagree, about transgender rights and representation with Dave.

00:29:42.000 That's not true.

00:29:44.000 I think he said that to placate the mob.

00:29:47.000 But Dave does not have any problem whatsoever with transgender rights and representation.

00:29:53.000 That's not right.

00:29:54.000 He's just saying that because they were attacking him saying that Dave is transphobic.

00:29:58.000 He's not.

00:29:59.000 He's not.

00:30:01.000 I mean, I know him very well.

00:30:02.000 He's a fucking fantastic person.

00:30:04.000 That's not him.

00:30:06.000 He's just making jokes about stuff.

00:30:09.000 And it's like, you can't read all those goddamn comments.

00:30:14.000 Most of the comments are super, super positive.

00:30:16.000 Most of them.

00:30:17.000 But if you have a thousand people that are commenting on something, you're going to have ten that are just angry, negative, shitty people.

00:30:25.000 And those are the ones...

00:30:26.000 My audience, basically.

00:30:27.000 Thank you.

00:30:28.000 My crowds.

00:30:29.000 If you're a sensitive person, those are the ones that are going to stand out.

00:30:32.000 And you're going to go, oh my god, what have I done?

00:30:34.000 So he started deleting posts, and then apparently there was a bunch of shit posters and TERFs and all kinds of other stuff.

00:30:41.000 TERF's a great name.

00:30:43.000 It is.

00:30:44.000 You want some real whiskey?

00:30:46.000 What do you mean real whiskey?

00:30:47.000 Was that Trace?

00:30:48.000 Buffalo Trace.

00:30:49.000 Trace Atkins?

00:30:50.000 Buffalo Trace Atkins.

00:30:52.000 That's real shit.

00:30:53.000 It's America right there.

00:30:54.000 That's America before it was America.

00:30:56.000 Right?

00:30:56.000 Yeah.

00:30:57.000 Thank you.

00:31:00.000 You're definitely doing better than me.

00:31:02.000 Look at his, look at mine.

00:31:03.000 Hmm.

00:31:06.000 Well, there's nothing wrong with clown.

00:31:07.000 That's what I can afford.

00:31:08.000 You stole it from a hotel bar.

00:31:09.000 Stop lying.

00:31:10.000 From your hotel bar.

00:31:11.000 It's not my hotel.

00:31:13.000 It's just where we put you up.

00:31:15.000 Well, we'll pay for that.

00:31:16.000 I stole it.

00:31:16.000 Feel free.

00:31:17.000 I hope so.

00:31:17.000 Take them all.

00:31:18.000 Come on.

00:31:18.000 Fill your pillowcase up.

00:31:23.000 Yeah, hotel bars are very strange.

00:31:25.000 It's like they just assume you're a drunk.

00:31:27.000 Yeah.

00:31:27.000 Well, there's some now on the road where they're weighted, which is kind of funny, right?

00:31:32.000 Oh, right.

00:31:32.000 You pick it up and you get...

00:31:33.000 Yeah, once you move it...

00:31:35.000 Yeah.

00:31:35.000 You can't even change your mind.

00:31:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:31:37.000 You can't go, what is that?

00:31:38.000 Oh, it's crum...

00:31:39.000 Oh, I don't want...

00:31:39.000 You get charged for it already.

00:31:40.000 Yeah, so not...

00:31:41.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:31:43.000 Let me try your Buffalo Trace Atkins.

00:31:46.000 Hmm.

00:31:46.000 Better, right?

00:31:47.000 Very nice.

00:31:48.000 Better, right?

00:31:49.000 Burns a little bit.

00:31:50.000 A little better, right?

00:31:51.000 No, a lot better.

00:31:52.000 But better.

00:31:52.000 Okay, I know.

00:31:54.000 I can't say it's...

00:31:55.000 The Crown's nice people, too.

00:31:58.000 No, there's nothing wrong with Crown.

00:31:59.000 No, this is great.

00:32:00.000 I'm just joking.

00:32:01.000 This is great.

00:32:02.000 I just love...

00:32:03.000 Well, Crown gives me free booze, so I gotta be careful.

00:32:05.000 Oh, do they?

00:32:05.000 Well, yeah, they used to.

00:32:07.000 Oh, you have to deal with them?

00:32:08.000 Until today?

00:32:09.000 Until now.

00:32:09.000 I fucked it up for them?

00:32:11.000 I think we got a bottle of Crown over there, don't we?

00:32:13.000 No, I'm fine.

00:32:13.000 This is actually...

00:32:14.000 No, this is good.

00:32:15.000 This is good.

00:32:15.000 Didn't someone give us a bottle of Crown?

00:32:16.000 I'm just not allowed to say better because they give me Crown.

00:32:18.000 Well, I'll say it.

00:32:18.000 I usually go in the audience and give out shots of Crown.

00:32:21.000 Oh, really?

00:32:22.000 I used to before the COVID thing, so I'd go out in the audience and polish off a bottle.

00:32:26.000 How scared are you about COVID now?

00:32:27.000 Did you travel here?

00:32:28.000 Did you get nervous?

00:32:29.000 No.

00:32:29.000 No?

00:32:30.000 But, I mean, I've been one of those guys from the very beginning, and God forbid I do ever get it because I don't walk in fear.

00:32:37.000 I just do my thing, and I'm in front of people every day.

00:32:41.000 But I do get tested a lot.

00:32:42.000 I know you exercise a lot.

00:32:44.000 You used to be giant.

00:32:45.000 I know.

00:32:46.000 I know.

00:32:47.000 You used to be giant, man.

00:32:47.000 I was 40 pounds bigger than I am.

00:32:49.000 Oh my god.

00:32:50.000 Literally.

00:32:51.000 What made you get so jacked?

00:32:52.000 I got the flu and then I didn't know.

00:32:54.000 You got me jacked?

00:32:56.000 Yeah.

00:32:57.000 Well, I'll tell you what I did.

00:32:59.000 When I got that permanent gig, I had nothing to do all day in Vegas, literally.

00:33:03.000 So you just started getting pumped.

00:33:03.000 So I started just going to the gym every day.

00:33:05.000 I'd go three hours a day, literally.

00:33:07.000 Three hours of lifting?

00:33:08.000 Well, this is, again, 15 years ago.

00:33:11.000 Right.

00:33:11.000 And I just was huge.

00:33:14.000 And one day I went to my warehouse to do something.

00:33:16.000 It was a picture of something.

00:33:19.000 And I was like, what the fuck?

00:33:21.000 I was like 190. I'm like 140. Wow.

00:33:27.000 This is my original fighting weight right now.

00:33:30.000 140 is my fight.

00:33:32.000 That's what you feel?

00:33:33.000 Yeah, this is where I grew up, born and raised 135, 140 my whole life, and then I went to like 185. People were like, what the fuck?

00:33:39.000 Did you have a lot of joint pain all the time?

00:33:41.000 Yeah, everything.

00:33:42.000 I was always injured.

00:33:43.000 I was always hurt.

00:33:43.000 It didn't look good on stage.

00:33:45.000 It was just weird.

00:33:46.000 It was like, you know, people are like, what the fuck happened at Karenton?

00:33:49.000 They've always said that.

00:33:50.000 Pfft!

00:33:50.000 But that is a thing, though, when you get really jacked on stage, it becomes a distraction.

00:33:55.000 It did.

00:33:56.000 Gene Simmons, of all people, came and says, does being so muscular take away from the stage?

00:34:02.000 That's the worst Gene Simmons impression ever.

00:34:05.000 All of a sudden Gene Simmons became like an Englishman from the 80s.

00:34:08.000 Excuse me.

00:34:09.000 Got a job, it's Gene.

00:34:10.000 Pardon me.

00:34:11.000 So I got Gene really good one time, so this is great.

00:34:14.000 So he comes backstage, he comes backstage, and he says to me, what do you do?

00:34:20.000 To make money besides this.

00:34:24.000 And I said, what the fuck are you talking about?

00:34:25.000 Nothing.

00:34:25.000 He said, you don't have anything that gives you money.

00:34:28.000 I said, I don't know.

00:34:30.000 I do comedy six nights a week.

00:34:31.000 But you don't have another investment of some sort, yes?

00:34:33.000 He's trying to offer you some prostitution.

00:34:35.000 Well, no.

00:34:35.000 Yeah.

00:34:38.000 Real weird.

00:34:40.000 And Gene, listen, I'm seeing somebody, okay?

00:34:44.000 Let me try on your platforms.

00:34:45.000 No, so I... Just let me slip into him.

00:34:49.000 I want teeth on my shoes.

00:34:50.000 But he says to me, and this is great because I'm being really serious with him, right?

00:34:55.000 So I said, no, but I did one thing a long time ago.

00:34:59.000 I wrote a jingle...

00:35:03.000 He goes, what's the jingle?

00:35:04.000 And I said, it's by Menon.

00:35:06.000 And he says, I'm not following you.

00:35:08.000 I said, remember the commercial by Menon?

00:35:10.000 And he goes, that was you.

00:35:13.000 And I said, yeah.

00:35:13.000 He says, get the fuck out.

00:35:15.000 I said, no.

00:35:16.000 I said, my friend has an organ in my garage.

00:35:19.000 He had left there and we were out fucking around.

00:35:21.000 And that by Menon thing had a campaign that said come up with a jingle.

00:35:26.000 So we came up with it.

00:35:28.000 It wasn't even funny.

00:35:29.000 It was just by Menon.

00:35:30.000 And we sent it to the Menon, whatever.

00:35:33.000 Was it Under or whatever the fuck?

00:35:34.000 Yep.

00:35:35.000 And he says, wait a second.

00:35:38.000 You're making this up.

00:35:39.000 I said, no.

00:35:40.000 He said, how much did they pay you for that?

00:35:41.000 I said, I still get money for it.

00:35:43.000 I said, it was amazing, but it was just kind of a fluke.

00:35:45.000 I said, we tried to come up with other things.

00:35:47.000 And he's looking at me like, that is just unremarkable.

00:35:51.000 And I said, yes.

00:35:52.000 This impression of Jitsun is so bad.

00:35:56.000 And then he said, I said, and see, that's great.

00:35:58.000 And I said, anything else?

00:35:59.000 I said, well, I came up with, now with Retson.

00:36:02.000 And he says, what are you talking about?

00:36:04.000 I said, with Retson, remember the certs?

00:36:05.000 And he goes, you're fucking me.

00:36:07.000 I said, yeah.

00:36:07.000 He goes, but the Menon thing?

00:36:08.000 I said, no, it's all bullshit.

00:36:09.000 He lost his, he lost his shit.

00:36:12.000 He's like, God damn it, I sat there for 20 minutes believing you came up with by Menon and Retson.

00:36:18.000 I said, no, I never, but I got him good on his show because I did, I did the, when he had it at his house that, that, uh, Oh, the reality show he had?

00:36:27.000 Yeah.

00:36:27.000 Family Jewels?

00:36:28.000 I first met him.

00:36:29.000 Family Jewels.

00:36:30.000 And I go and he says, my impression, you want to see my warehouse?

00:36:37.000 And I said, sure.

00:36:37.000 So he takes me to this huge wing of his house.

00:36:41.000 I mean, literally, it's probably the size of...

00:36:43.000 Walmart.

00:36:44.000 It's full.

00:36:44.000 He says to me, I've got everything.

00:36:46.000 Ask.

00:36:47.000 I said, well, of course you have a kiss condom.

00:36:49.000 I mean, he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:51.000 Kiss coffins.

00:36:52.000 We've kissed everything, you know.

00:36:53.000 And I said, we're live.

00:36:58.000 They're filming me with him.

00:36:59.000 And I said, towards the end, he said, well, thank you for dropping by.

00:37:03.000 And I said, I don't want to, this is going to come across completely fucking wrong.

00:37:09.000 I said, don't take this the wrong way.

00:37:10.000 And he says, what?

00:37:12.000 I said, you're going to take this the wrong way.

00:37:13.000 He says, what?

00:37:14.000 I said, I've never heard of your band.

00:37:17.000 I said, you must have done well, but I've never heard of KISS. And he says...

00:37:22.000 It's like a really weird...

00:37:24.000 He goes, you've never heard of Kiss.

00:37:26.000 I said, no, I see.

00:37:27.000 I knew you'd take it the wrong way.

00:37:28.000 I said, I just...

00:37:29.000 I mean, look at all this.

00:37:30.000 Holy fuck, I've never heard of Kiss.

00:37:32.000 How long have you guys been in a band?

00:37:34.000 And he looked at me like...

00:37:36.000 He's gonna fucking kill me.

00:37:38.000 And I said, I know Hanson.

00:37:40.000 I know Hanson.

00:37:42.000 This is when they were hitting it big, you know?

00:37:45.000 I said, I know Hanson, right?

00:37:47.000 And he goes, you're fucking me.

00:37:48.000 I said, no, I don't.

00:37:49.000 I've never heard of Kiss.

00:37:51.000 And I finally said, I'm fucking with you, come on!

00:37:53.000 And then I got him again.

00:37:54.000 And he was serious?

00:37:58.000 He really believed you?

00:38:00.000 Oh yeah, no.

00:38:01.000 He was like, someone had to have heard of Kiss, yes?

00:38:03.000 This fucking accent!

00:38:05.000 The thing about Hollywood people is there are people who will pretend they don't know who you are, even if they do.

00:38:11.000 Right, right, right, right.

00:38:11.000 I had that with Nicole Kidman.

00:38:13.000 Did she really?

00:38:14.000 I actually put it on my show.

00:38:16.000 It's a clip of her going, who's Carrot Top?

00:38:18.000 Well, she's from Australia.

00:38:20.000 But I met her three times with her husband, so he's like, hey, how you doing, buddy?

00:38:24.000 Hey, Carrot Top.

00:38:24.000 And then I went over to her and she was like...

00:38:27.000 Do you think she did that on purpose?

00:38:29.000 I don't know, but she did it like three times, so I just put a clip of her on the red carpet going, who's Carrot Top?

00:38:37.000 People do that, though.

00:38:38.000 It's like a clout thing.

00:38:40.000 They knocked you down.

00:38:42.000 Al Franken, I did comic relief with him, right?

00:38:48.000 Everybody was there.

00:38:49.000 Rob Williams and Whippy Goldberg.

00:38:51.000 So Al Franken and I are back in the wings there waiting to go on and he couldn't have been nicer.

00:38:55.000 He was like, wow, I love your act.

00:38:58.000 I love, you know.

00:39:00.000 And I was like, that's cool.

00:39:02.000 So I go to Gary Shandling's funeral.

00:39:04.000 In L.A., and again, everybody was there.

00:39:07.000 I mean, you talk about, my God, everyone in show business was at Gary Fanley's.

00:39:12.000 So I see Senator then, right, Al Franken.

00:39:17.000 I make my way over to him.

00:39:18.000 I said, hey, Al, it's been a while, and, you know, wow, you're a senator now.

00:39:22.000 Fuck, I mean, from comedian to senator or whatever I made.

00:39:25.000 And he goes, he looked at me, he says, I'm sorry, we know each other?

00:39:28.000 I said, it's Carrot Top.

00:39:30.000 He's like, sorry?

00:39:31.000 I said, Carrot Top.

00:39:32.000 And he goes...

00:39:34.000 I'm sorry, I don't know.

00:39:35.000 I said, you don't know Carrot Top?

00:39:36.000 And he goes, I don't know.

00:39:38.000 I said, you don't know who Carrot Top is?

00:39:40.000 It was the weirdest thing, because I'm standing there with the best of, I mean, I think I was standing there with, from Defending Your Life, Albert Brooks, right?

00:39:50.000 And he just says that, and I look over at Albert Brooks, and he says, he's just being a cunt.

00:39:56.000 I said, I think so, or maybe he just doesn't remember meeting me.

00:40:01.000 Maybe when he became a senator.

00:40:02.000 He says, no, you're in comedy.

00:40:03.000 He knows who you are.

00:40:04.000 He's just being an...

00:40:04.000 And then I said, well, you know, you fucked with me one time.

00:40:06.000 And he said...

00:40:07.000 Albert Brooks fucked with you?

00:40:09.000 Yeah.

00:40:09.000 That's an honor.

00:40:10.000 Well, it is.

00:40:10.000 On the Tonight Show.

00:40:12.000 Right?

00:40:12.000 Yeah, it is an honor.

00:40:13.000 It is, right?

00:40:14.000 No, seriously.

00:40:14.000 The fact that he said Carrot Top, maybe.

00:40:17.000 So he was on the Tonight Show with, I think, Johnny.

00:40:20.000 And he said...

00:40:21.000 He used to do these spinning...

00:40:25.000 When he does...

00:40:25.000 He, believe it or not, used to do props.

00:40:27.000 Oh, really?

00:40:28.000 Albert Brooks did?

00:40:29.000 Well, back in the...

00:40:30.000 He did a skin tonight with spinning plates.

00:40:32.000 And so he sits down and he starts saying, you know, I feel...

00:40:36.000 It's like I'm here.

00:40:38.000 He said, you know, I feel bad for someone like Caratop.

00:40:40.000 If American Airlines lost his luggage, he wouldn't have an act.

00:40:44.000 Everybody laughs.

00:40:45.000 And I'm thinking, well, not only is that accurate, but it's just a dig at me because it's like if the Rolling Stones luggage was lost, they wouldn't put on a show.

00:40:54.000 Right.

00:40:54.000 So it's like my, it's my shit.

00:40:56.000 Well, there's a thing.

00:40:58.000 I told that.

00:40:58.000 He goes, I'm sorry.

00:40:59.000 I hurt your feelings.

00:41:01.000 Just trying to be funny.

00:41:02.000 You know, whatever's out there, you take a swing at it.

00:41:05.000 But there's a thing that...

00:41:07.000 For whatever reason, if you need something on stage, like if you're a guitar comic.

00:41:11.000 There was always a thing about guitar comics.

00:41:13.000 Like, Mitzi Shore used to get mad at guitar comics.

00:41:16.000 She'd go, you're not gonna go on stage with the guitar tonight.

00:41:20.000 She would tell guys.

00:41:22.000 And then they would go on stage with no guitar and bomb.

00:41:25.000 Because, like, you know, that's your comfort.

00:41:28.000 That's your thing.

00:41:29.000 If they told me I couldn't bring my walker with a dildo on it, I would not...

00:41:34.000 I would not go on.

00:41:36.000 But it's one of those things.

00:41:37.000 You'll see in March with your kids.

00:41:38.000 I will.

00:41:39.000 I'm coming.

00:41:39.000 That's like, this is your act, man.

00:41:42.000 Your fucking act is your act.

00:41:43.000 You bring stuff.

00:41:44.000 But this purest thing of comedy has always bothered me.

00:41:48.000 I don't know why.

00:41:49.000 It's just like, I don't care if you sing.

00:41:52.000 I don't care if you have props.

00:41:54.000 I don't care.

00:41:56.000 Why does that affect me?

00:41:57.000 I don't understand that whole concept, just in a broad sense of the idea of, let's just say, music.

00:42:02.000 So if you're in your car and you're listening to music, and if you hit the country station, and you go, oh, country, and then you have rock, and then you have jazz, and you have this, and you have hard rock, you have metal, There's choices there.

00:42:15.000 So it's kind of fun.

00:42:16.000 Yeah.

00:42:17.000 When I was on the road, I was listening to country music for two hours, and I'm like, you know, now I want some Metallica.

00:42:21.000 Yeah, mix it up.

00:42:22.000 So, same with comedy.

00:42:23.000 Exactly.

00:42:23.000 Why can't you have a Dennis Miller, and you can have a Joe Rogan, you can have a Carrot Top, and you can have Gallagher, and you can have Bill Maher do politics, and you can have, right?

00:42:32.000 People need to, like, just let other people have different tastes.

00:42:35.000 We do anyhow, exactly.

00:42:37.000 So people that don't want to go to a Carrot Top show, don't go.

00:42:39.000 Right.

00:42:40.000 You don't have to go.

00:42:41.000 Like, that thing drives me crazy.

00:42:43.000 I do have to go to the character show.

00:42:45.000 You have to.

00:42:46.000 Six days a week.

00:42:47.000 But there's this thing, it's like, come on, folks.

00:42:49.000 There's lots of stuff to be upset about.

00:42:52.000 Like, being upset about different tastes other than yours.

00:42:55.000 You know, like, look, my kids love, I love my kids, but they love music that I fucking hate.

00:43:01.000 They want to listen to, like, mumble rap in the car.

00:43:04.000 I'm like, shut that shit off!

00:43:06.000 Not all mumble rap is bad.

00:43:07.000 But, I mean, some of the stuff...

00:43:08.000 It's not even mumble rap, I should say.

00:43:10.000 It's like, whatever it is.

00:43:11.000 I'm an old man.

00:43:12.000 Yeah, that's why I sold my kids.

00:43:14.000 I got rid of them.

00:43:15.000 Oh, you got rid of them.

00:43:16.000 How much did you get?

00:43:17.000 Not much.

00:43:18.000 I should have left it for a while.

00:43:20.000 It's a market thing.

00:43:21.000 It's like Bitcoin.

00:43:22.000 You don't want to get out early.

00:43:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:25.000 It's a long haul thing.

00:43:27.000 My Elvis shirt, I gotta find you one of these.

00:43:30.000 Yeah, dude, I have an obsession with Elvis during that time period.

00:43:35.000 The drug days.

00:43:36.000 Well, it's the pill days, and one of the reasons why I have this obsession is because it's a fame thing.

00:43:41.000 I'm sure you can relate to this.

00:43:43.000 Fame is a fucking strange drug in and of itself.

00:43:46.000 And I believe that Elvis was the first guy to take a heroic dose of fame.

00:43:51.000 You know, like Hicks always used to talk about, or Terrence McKenna, and then Hicks used to quote it, but heroic doses of mushrooms.

00:43:58.000 There's a heroic dose of fame, like what Michael Jackson took.

00:44:02.000 He took the most heroic dose of fame.

00:44:04.000 But you're right.

00:44:04.000 Elvis might have been the first one.

00:44:06.000 I mean, there were some other guys, but you're right.

00:44:09.000 Yes.

00:44:09.000 Where he really was beyond superstar.

00:44:12.000 It's not good for you.

00:44:14.000 There's a great, I wouldn't say great, well, this is a documentary, or it might have been a two-part thing on HBO, I think it is, or Netflix.

00:44:21.000 Do you smoke weed, Carrot Top?

00:44:22.000 I will with you.

00:44:23.000 Okay.

00:44:25.000 I have bad lungs, but I'll smoke.

00:44:27.000 Great, this is when the whole podcast goes to shit.

00:44:30.000 Carrot Top gets high.

00:44:31.000 I heard this is good for your lungs.

00:44:31.000 Is it?

00:44:32.000 Yeah, I heard it's good.

00:44:33.000 I don't have any sponsors that might get set if I... Crown and weed goes together, great.

00:44:40.000 That's what I heard.

00:44:41.000 So, um, I haven't been high in fucking 20 years.

00:44:44.000 Well, good.

00:44:45.000 I don't do drugs.

00:44:45.000 Well, let's just keep it right there.

00:44:47.000 But I gotta remind you to tell my Hicks story, and then also, Elvis, so, um, there's a documentary, and there's a really touching, sad scene that you just brought up to me in the documentary.

00:44:56.000 He goes on stage, and this is right, with his really big, bloated days.

00:44:59.000 Yeah.

00:45:00.000 Those are my favorite days.

00:45:01.000 And there's, uh, well, it's gonna say, he's sweating, and he's overweight.

00:45:04.000 Still killing it.

00:45:05.000 And they're interviewing him, and they say, uh, do you, um...

00:45:10.000 You don't look good or something.

00:45:12.000 They really honestly say this, like the reporter says, you look like shit.

00:45:16.000 And he says, I'm sorry.

00:45:20.000 And they're like, yeah, you just, you know, what happened?

00:45:24.000 And you see it.

00:45:25.000 You see his face.

00:45:25.000 And he literally takes a moment.

00:45:27.000 He says, I'm sorry.

00:45:28.000 I don't live up to what you wanted me to look like.

00:45:31.000 I'm doing my best.

00:45:32.000 And then he just kind of walks off like in tears.

00:45:35.000 Really?

00:45:35.000 Yeah.

00:45:36.000 Let's find that.

00:45:37.000 Yeah, I think it's in the Elvis – it's a two-hour or two-part thing.

00:45:45.000 So Bill Hicks, this is – But before we get to Bill Hicks, it's like no one was like that before him.

00:45:52.000 There was no kind of star of that magnitude.

00:45:55.000 It didn't exist.

00:45:56.000 Yeah.

00:45:58.000 Literally.

00:45:58.000 And like Michael Jackson took over...

00:46:00.000 There was always stars, right?

00:46:01.000 There was always, you know, there was Little Richard and Chubby Checker, and there was always, like, Buddy Holly.

00:46:07.000 There was stars.

00:46:08.000 But not at that...

00:46:09.000 No.

00:46:09.000 It was a different kind of star.

00:46:11.000 Agreed.

00:46:11.000 I'll say that to people.

00:46:12.000 They go, wow, you recognize that.

00:46:14.000 I said, I'm recognizable in a lineup.

00:46:16.000 I'm not, like, a famous person.

00:46:18.000 They go, uh...

00:46:20.000 Like somebody last night said, you're red, right?

00:46:23.000 You're red.

00:46:24.000 Red.

00:46:24.000 I said, yes, red.

00:46:25.000 Orange, you know.

00:46:27.000 You're the red guy.

00:46:28.000 Red top?

00:46:29.000 Yes, red top.

00:46:31.000 That's probably better.

00:46:33.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:46:34.000 It's sustainable.

00:46:34.000 I mean, you make a good living.

00:46:36.000 You have a lot of people who love you.

00:46:37.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:46:38.000 You're better off that way than getting into that.

00:46:41.000 Elvis definitely had a hard...

00:46:42.000 I mean, and people always say, well, come on.

00:46:44.000 How hard is it being...

00:46:45.000 Would it be that famous?

00:46:46.000 Fuck, who knows?

00:46:47.000 No one understands it.

00:46:48.000 There's no one who understands it other than the people that get there.

00:46:51.000 It's not possible.

00:46:52.000 It's not possible to understand it.

00:46:54.000 You could take a guess and you could say, oh, but he has so much money.

00:46:57.000 Let me tell you something about money, kids.

00:46:59.000 Once you get past a certain amount, it doesn't feel like anything different.

00:47:02.000 Like, I had an apartment once.

00:47:05.000 When I first moved to Hollywood, and I just got on television, and I was on news radio, and I was on the sitcom, and I got this nice place, and it had a loft, and I had a pool table, and I was like, look at this apartment.

00:47:17.000 I would walk in the apartment, and I'd go, fuck, this is my apartment?

00:47:20.000 This is crazy!

00:47:21.000 And I would look around at it, and I'd go, this is, I can't believe I actually live here!

00:47:26.000 And then I got accustomed to it.

00:47:27.000 And then I realized one day, I was like sitting on the floor, and I was like, oh, this is how everything is.

00:47:33.000 Like once you get used to it, then it's just a house.

00:47:36.000 Right.

00:47:37.000 Like your house, it's like all your house needs to do is be comfortable and safe and you need to have like a nice place to go to bed, a nice place to fix your meals and whatever else you're into.

00:47:47.000 After you get past that, it's just a house.

00:47:49.000 Yeah.

00:47:50.000 And, you know, Brian Cowan said this to me once, and it's like one of the smartest things anybody ever said to me.

00:47:54.000 He said, all you want as far as money, you want to have enough money so you can go to dinner and not worry about what things cost.

00:48:01.000 And, like, that's a brilliant thing to say because he's, like, simple in that regard.

00:48:06.000 Like, that's what he, you know...

00:48:08.000 I don't have any, besides my cock ring, I don't have any jewelry, no jewelry on.

00:48:14.000 People always say to me, too, like, you're dressed like a homeless guy.

00:48:17.000 Any day could be, so why don't you just be ready for it, have the clothes for it.

00:48:20.000 By the way, that's great weed.

00:48:21.000 That's not bad, right?

00:48:22.000 I only took one, like, you saw, right?

00:48:24.000 One little hit.

00:48:25.000 Like, one little, I wouldn't even know.

00:48:28.000 There's like three Joe Rogans here in front of me.

00:48:31.000 Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

00:48:33.000 So I tell you my Bill Hicks, only because this is, it started out where another, you know, people were ripping on me.

00:48:40.000 You know the Bill Hicks bit?

00:48:41.000 Which one is it?

00:48:41.000 The one about you?

00:48:42.000 Yeah, that's what I was going to tell you first.

00:48:43.000 So Bill Hicks says they're draining lakes and putting in bleachers to see Caratop.

00:48:47.000 Yeah.

00:48:49.000 Which is a great line.

00:48:51.000 That's a great line.

00:48:52.000 It is a great line.

00:48:54.000 And here I am, fucking 20 people, and they're draining lakes and putting in bleachers to see fucking carrot toppings.

00:48:59.000 So I'm thinking, you know, I'm just thinking, oh, another hater, right?

00:49:03.000 So I'm, you know, I'm playing in West Palm Beach at the Comedy Corner, which was the club when I started.

00:49:10.000 It was like I went there to audition, and all of a sudden I'm headlining this club, and Colleen McGar was dating Bill Hicks at the time.

00:49:18.000 Yes.

00:49:18.000 And so he was sick.

00:49:21.000 That was when he had cancer?

00:49:22.000 Yeah.

00:49:22.000 And so I, all I said to her was, she said something about, I didn't know he was even there.

00:49:31.000 I just knew she was dating him, and I said, it was like between shows, and I said, could you just pass on to Bill Hicks that, you know, I hope I didn't, he doesn't hate me.

00:49:41.000 And, because she said, it's such a great show.

00:49:44.000 And I said, yeah, tell Bill, if you call him later, tell him that I hope he doesn't hate me, and I just, you know, but I'm a huge fan.

00:49:51.000 And the year I won Best Comedian of the Year, he was in the running.

00:49:56.000 So it was like, I almost was like, The fact that I won pissed everybody off because you got Bill Hicks.

00:50:04.000 What was the award?

00:50:05.000 American Comedy Awards?

00:50:07.000 Yeah, Don Marrera, Bill Hicks, me, and two others.

00:50:10.000 I forget now, but I remember those two.

00:50:13.000 And what's her name from Atlanta, the tall blonde?

00:50:18.000 She brings me up.

00:50:19.000 She says, the winner is Carrot Top.

00:50:21.000 And I go up and it's, well, she's kind of like, you know, Brett Butler.

00:50:25.000 And so I go up and I accept it.

00:50:28.000 And it was almost like I wish I hadn't won because it was like, you know, I wanted Bill Hicks to win.

00:50:34.000 Yeah.

00:50:36.000 So anyway, I set up my show for the second show, and Colleen says, come with me real quick.

00:50:44.000 I want to tell you something.

00:50:45.000 So she walks me in the hallway, and who's standing in front of me?

00:50:49.000 Bill Hicks.

00:50:50.000 And it was like maybe a couple weeks before he had passed, and he was really sick.

00:50:57.000 And I remember really thin, and he had – like it was just weird.

00:51:03.000 With distended bellies?

00:51:05.000 Yeah, and just, I mean, green, and it was just, and it just, but it's Bill Hicks, and I was like, and he says to me, I don't fucking hate you, dude.

00:51:14.000 And I said, oh, God, she must have gone and told him, and he's staying at the house behind the condo where the club is.

00:51:20.000 And I said, oh, I want you to come down here, you know, you shouldn't be getting out of bed to come say that.

00:51:27.000 He says, no, I wanted to come clear the fucking thing.

00:51:29.000 You and I, we're cool.

00:51:31.000 You do what you do and you do fucking do it, man.

00:51:33.000 You kill it.

00:51:33.000 You hear me?

00:51:34.000 You keep doing what you do.

00:51:35.000 And he gave me a hug and then I went and I had probably the best show I ever had because, you know, Bill Hicks gave me the blessings.

00:51:41.000 Oh, that's nice.

00:51:43.000 That's nice.

00:51:44.000 That's what the world needs, man.

00:51:45.000 The world needs communication.

00:51:47.000 What a sweet that was.

00:51:48.000 He didn't have to come down and say hi to me.

00:51:50.000 He's a comic and he's like, you know what?

00:51:52.000 I was just making fun of you.

00:51:57.000 I don't hate you.

00:51:59.000 Well, you know what?

00:52:00.000 There's people that...

00:52:04.000 They don't mean harm.

00:52:06.000 They just mean to get laughs, and they're saying something that's funny.

00:52:10.000 And look, I have good friends that do it to me all the time.

00:52:14.000 Tim Dillon mocks me fucking almost every day.

00:52:18.000 I think the problem is this happens outside, away from each other, and you don't talk about it, or you're not together.

00:52:28.000 This is the problem with society.

00:52:31.000 There's a comparison that can be made to the problem we have in society.

00:52:39.000 People are communicating with each other on social media.

00:52:43.000 Instead of communicating with each other, they're communicating at or about each other.

00:52:48.000 How about when you text somebody and it goes through, because we're comics and so, like, sarcasm doesn't fly in text.

00:52:54.000 All the time.

00:52:54.000 How great is that?

00:52:55.000 I'll say something like, I thought you'd never leave, and then he's like, dude, what?

00:52:58.000 I'm like, I'm kidding.

00:52:59.000 Like, it was a joke.

00:53:00.000 Like, I'm just kidding with you.

00:53:01.000 You know.

00:53:01.000 I have a few groups of friends who say horrible things to each other all the time.

00:53:05.000 But they get it.

00:53:06.000 We love each other.

00:53:06.000 Right.

00:53:07.000 But as long as they get it.

00:53:08.000 You send a text to someone and they don't get it, then you're like, fuck, I was, no, it was a joke.

00:53:13.000 Yes, exactly.

00:53:14.000 But it's, you know, a lot is a lot.

00:53:16.000 I mean, you have to look at things.

00:53:17.000 You can have, like, the least charitable interpretation of something, and it's always going to cause a problem.

00:53:22.000 But I think part of the problem is that people don't spend enough time one-on-one talking.

00:53:27.000 You know, I mean, even that back in the day before social media, that was always an issue if you heard someone said something about you.

00:53:33.000 You know, like someone said to someone else and then someone else comes to you, hey man, fucking Bob was talking some shit about you.

00:53:39.000 And then you go to Bob and Bob's like, that's not what I meant.

00:53:42.000 It's like, I was fucking upset because my girlfriend broke up with me or my car broke down or whatever.

00:53:47.000 You know, it's like communication one-on-one is the only way that human beings are really supposed to be talking to each other.

00:53:53.000 And all that other stuff is just a mess.

00:53:55.000 And all this interpretation.

00:53:57.000 And then what I do is talk shit on podcasts for hours and hours of time.

00:54:03.000 I forget what I'm saying.

00:54:04.000 And then someone will say something, 10 years ago, you said this.

00:54:07.000 That's not really what I said.

00:54:09.000 You've got to listen to the whole thing.

00:54:11.000 Take it out of context.

00:54:12.000 Yeah, I don't hate you.

00:54:13.000 I'm not mad at you.

00:54:14.000 Come on, man.

00:54:16.000 We're friends.

00:54:16.000 You said that about Florida.

00:54:18.000 You said they should build a wall around it.

00:54:19.000 Yes.

00:54:19.000 So they just saw it off and sell it to the Russians.

00:54:22.000 I love Florida.

00:54:23.000 I love Florida because it's wild.

00:54:24.000 My fucking sister lives there.

00:54:27.000 My sister lives there.

00:54:29.000 I love Florida.

00:54:30.000 Florida is a wild-ass place.

00:54:31.000 It is fun.

00:54:32.000 And I love how Florida responded to the pandemic.

00:54:35.000 A lot of people think it's irresponsible, but I don't.

00:54:37.000 But it's not, though.

00:54:38.000 And if you look at the numbers in Florida, they're the lowest.

00:54:41.000 Well, not anymore.

00:54:42.000 Not right now.

00:54:43.000 I mean, an hour ago.

00:54:44.000 Well, here's the thing.

00:54:45.000 I saw a lot of these politicians that were shitting on Florida because of the number of cases that Florida had.

00:54:51.000 And what they didn't realize is that New York City has tens of thousands more than Florida or New York.

00:54:58.000 Which is mostly New York City.

00:54:59.000 But there's nothing wrong with Florida.

00:55:02.000 But there is something wrong with wanting everyone to behave and think the way you do.

00:55:07.000 And if Florida, what they did, if you look at it in terms of the economic cost, if you look at it in terms of loss of life, and if you look at it in terms of cases, you can make a really good argument that they did the right thing.

00:55:20.000 As Gene Stim would say, it was a pretty good run there, kid.

00:55:23.000 Pretty good run.

00:55:24.000 Now you got a new impression.

00:55:26.000 That's not even the one I did earlier.

00:55:28.000 It's a pretty good run.

00:55:29.000 I think Gene Simmons talks like this.

00:55:32.000 If I wanted to tell you how Gene talks, it's more like this.

00:55:35.000 What is mine?

00:55:36.000 Mine is like...

00:55:36.000 Yours is terrible.

00:55:37.000 It's terrible.

00:55:38.000 I didn't want to shit on you by doing mine.

00:55:40.000 I was trying to do a Ringo star impression, and the guy's like, what the hell?

00:55:43.000 I did a New Year's show once at the Improv, and Gene Simmons and his whole family came to see you, and I was fucking legitimately starstruck.

00:55:51.000 I was like, ah, shit.

00:55:52.000 There's only been a couple of times in my life where I've been, like, full-on starstruck.

00:55:56.000 I was going to say, yeah, who did that one?

00:55:58.000 Willie D from the Ghetto Boys, full-on starstruck.

00:56:01.000 Because I was a giant Ghetto Boys fan when I was a kid.

00:56:05.000 If I'm sure if I'll ever meet Ice-T, I'll be full-on starstruck.

00:56:08.000 Ice Cube.

00:56:09.000 Ice-T, I think, lives in Vegas.

00:56:12.000 Does he?

00:56:13.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:56:15.000 He did, because I would go to, like, Vons, and they'd say, hey, you just missed Ice-T. And I'm like, oh, crap.

00:56:20.000 Well, Ice-T can live wherever the fuck he wants.

00:56:21.000 And Flava Flav lives in Vegas, of course.

00:56:22.000 He's been on that Dick Wolf show for like 100 years.

00:56:25.000 He's probably got a fucking billion dollars in the bank.

00:56:28.000 Like, Ice-T's been on Law& Order for, I want to say, 25 years.

00:56:32.000 Yeah, yeah, at least.

00:56:33.000 You know?

00:56:33.000 And that's like syndication money.

00:56:35.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:56:35.000 So you know all this stuff.

00:56:37.000 I need a syndication money.

00:56:39.000 Those are those shows that air around the world, too.

00:56:42.000 Yeah.

00:56:42.000 You know?

00:56:43.000 That's a lot of money.

00:56:44.000 They make a lot of money.

00:56:45.000 I had Queen came to the show.

00:56:46.000 That was pretty.

00:56:47.000 Wow.

00:56:48.000 Really?

00:56:49.000 Yeah, that's the only full-on Starstruck where, like, weird...

00:56:54.000 The full ban?

00:56:56.000 Not Freddy.

00:56:57.000 It was after Freddy died?

00:56:58.000 Yeah, it was...

00:56:59.000 When did Freddy die?

00:57:00.000 I want to say he died in the 90s.

00:57:02.000 It was the 90s?

00:57:03.000 Am I right?

00:57:05.000 I should know that.

00:57:06.000 I'm a huge Queen fan.

00:57:10.000 91. You want to talk about a rare talent?

00:57:18.000 Oh, no.

00:57:19.000 There's no front man, I don't think.

00:57:22.000 If you go back and watch those things, holy shit.

00:57:24.000 Well, he was just different than all of them.

00:57:27.000 He was so good.

00:57:31.000 He would just work that crowd.

00:57:33.000 I think about that almost every night when I go on stage.

00:57:35.000 You've got to give it every fucking cent.

00:57:38.000 You leave exhausted.

00:57:40.000 But Queen came.

00:57:41.000 It was weird.

00:57:45.000 Roger Taylor was coming to the show.

00:57:46.000 The first time it was Roger Taylor.

00:57:48.000 I said, Roger Taylor.

00:57:51.000 Roger Taylor I know is like the drummer from Queen.

00:57:53.000 He's fucking not coming to my show.

00:57:55.000 And they said, yeah, he's coming to your show.

00:57:59.000 Well, it was funny.

00:58:00.000 They told me after.

00:58:02.000 So I didn't know he was out there.

00:58:06.000 So after, they said, Roger Taylor wants to come back and say hi.

00:58:09.000 So anyway, he comes back and he's like, he was just hoping my Roger Taylor impression is going to make me say something.

00:58:16.000 But he's like, Scott, Scott, Scott, that was just, that was unbelievable, yeah?

00:58:21.000 I mean, just, what the...

00:58:22.000 So, you know, so nice he says something to me, like, you know, take a picture of my crew and me and all that, and I said, you know, I'm actually going to go to London with my girlfriend.

00:58:32.000 This was years ago.

00:58:35.000 And...

00:58:35.000 He said, oh, you must stay at the house, yeah?

00:58:37.000 And I'm like, you know how people do.

00:58:38.000 Of course, you're not going to do that.

00:58:40.000 Right.

00:58:40.000 So then I'll say, he's my number, Scott, you know, give me a call.

00:58:42.000 So I literally were going to London, so I just said, hey, listen, we'll meet for a drink.

00:58:46.000 He said, no, no, I insist you must stay at the house.

00:58:48.000 I said, no, we're not going to stay at the house.

00:58:49.000 We're going to get a hotel, but we'd like to meet you for a drink at least.

00:58:53.000 So we go to Stonehenge, and my girlfriend is like on her deathbed.

00:58:57.000 I mean, literally just like, I don't know if she was just that sick or didn't want to look at rocks.

00:59:00.000 She's like, I'm with her.

00:59:01.000 I'm like, you know what?

00:59:01.000 I don't feel so good either.

00:59:02.000 It's fucking Stonehenge.

00:59:03.000 It doesn't make any sense to me.

00:59:05.000 So we said, I've got to go to Roger's now.

00:59:08.000 So I call him and I said, hey, you know, we're out.

00:59:10.000 He's like, 30 minutes.

00:59:11.000 We're in Surrey, yeah?

00:59:12.000 So we're not going to one of your stupid friend's house.

00:59:15.000 I have to go back to go to sleep.

00:59:16.000 I'm dying.

00:59:17.000 And so I said, we have to go.

00:59:18.000 It's Roger fucking Taylor, right?

00:59:20.000 So this whole thing, she has no clue in her brain.

00:59:22.000 She has no clue.

00:59:23.000 Like, doesn't grasp it.

00:59:24.000 Isn't it funny that back then, too, if you were sick, you would go visit people still?

00:59:29.000 Right.

00:59:29.000 And no one would freak out?

00:59:31.000 True.

00:59:32.000 We brought in all this illness.

00:59:34.000 It's fine.

00:59:35.000 I had to just stay in the car.

00:59:36.000 Just stay in the fucking car.

00:59:37.000 So we get there and you're right.

00:59:39.000 You're right.

00:59:40.000 That's really weird.

00:59:41.000 It's crazy.

00:59:41.000 So we get there and it's not only a castle, it's a castle, it's like Downton Abbey.

00:59:46.000 It's fucking crazy, right?

00:59:47.000 So my girlfriend's looking at me like, Who is it?

00:59:51.000 It's fucking Queen.

00:59:52.000 It's like Stone's queen.

00:59:54.000 Well, she knew Queen was, but she didn't grasp its queen.

00:59:57.000 It's like we will, you know.

00:59:58.000 But it's everything.

00:59:59.000 It's like they're billionaires.

01:00:01.000 She doesn't understand this.

01:00:02.000 And this beautiful, beautiful, beautiful countryside house.

01:00:04.000 And like I said, castle.

01:00:06.000 So anyway, they give her tea.

01:00:08.000 Here's where it gets good.

01:00:09.000 So she looks at me like, we really have to go.

01:00:11.000 And it was just unbelievable.

01:00:14.000 We're in his house.

01:00:14.000 And then Roger says...

01:00:16.000 Scott, it's in my studio.

01:00:19.000 And I just know, I look over to her, she's gonna be like, it'll fucking kill you, right?

01:00:23.000 And I say, we gotta go to see the studio.

01:00:26.000 So they take us upstairs, and we walk by all this, you know, Queen records, gold shit records, the whole fucking house, just records and records.

01:00:35.000 And I said, oh wow, Killers Live.

01:00:37.000 That was my favorite album.

01:00:40.000 Go up in the studio.

01:00:41.000 Every drum set.

01:00:42.000 I'm not making this up.

01:00:44.000 And set up from that album.

01:00:48.000 That was from Live Aid.

01:00:50.000 And I'm losing my shit, right?

01:00:52.000 And my girlfriend says, wow, you really like drums.

01:00:57.000 On my life, God strike me dead.

01:00:58.000 If she was sitting right here, she goes, I don't know.

01:01:01.000 And I literally was like losing my shit, right?

01:01:03.000 So I look back, and Roger's like, I'm sorry, what?

01:01:05.000 I said, she likes your drums.

01:01:06.000 Because he's deaf from playing drums all these years, thank God.

01:01:09.000 Since then, I've told him, by the way, she said, you must like drums.

01:01:12.000 But it was one of the...

01:01:14.000 And so anyway, they meet us at the hotel bar that night.

01:01:17.000 And what does he bring for a guest?

01:01:19.000 He was there for my birthday.

01:01:21.000 What do you think he brings me to the bar?

01:01:24.000 Drumsticks?

01:01:25.000 No, that fucking Killers Queen gold album.

01:01:27.000 No!

01:01:28.000 How cool is he?

01:01:29.000 No way!

01:01:30.000 And I went, oh no, Roger, I can't accept this.

01:01:33.000 And he says, well, this fuck you must.

01:01:35.000 I go, no, I can't.

01:01:36.000 And I said, yeah, like, yeah, well, I have a hundred more of these, right?

01:01:39.000 And he's like, no, I'm not taking this one.

01:01:41.000 It was like presented to Roger Taylor.

01:01:44.000 So I took it.

01:01:45.000 Wow.

01:01:46.000 I had to take it.

01:01:47.000 Wow.

01:01:48.000 That was maybe the coolest.

01:01:50.000 And since then they've come, like Brian May and them have come to, they've all come through and they can't be nicer and sweeter and bigger fans like, you know, Brian May is just like, because it's weird coming from like someone, they're beyond,

01:02:05.000 you know, fucking magical rock stars.

01:02:09.000 Yeah.

01:02:09.000 They think what we do is like, you know, like how the fuck do you tell a joke?

01:02:13.000 Like they don't get it.

01:02:13.000 So it's cool.

01:02:14.000 Well, it's for regular people.

01:02:16.000 It's like everything else, though, right?

01:02:18.000 I mean, I can kind of imagine what it would be like playing drums in front of a large audience if I started playing drums and then started playing drums in a local band, started doing gigs, and then eventually moved up.

01:02:31.000 Same, same.

01:02:31.000 It's like everything.

01:02:32.000 It's like everything.

01:02:33.000 Incremental.

01:02:34.000 You'll be a lawyer being a rocket scientist, being strapped in the shuttle.

01:02:37.000 What the fuck?

01:02:37.000 They rehearsed.

01:02:39.000 They practiced.

01:02:40.000 Well, that's why it's fascinating to watch people do something that you don't do at all.

01:02:43.000 That's one of the reasons why I love music.

01:02:45.000 I love watching musicians because I can't play anything.

01:02:49.000 Same.

01:02:50.000 Yeah, so it's fascinating.

01:02:51.000 I like when I used to go to the launches and I'd see these astronauts and they'd take you into the, because my dad worked there, they'd take you into the cockpit and shit.

01:02:58.000 Yeah.

01:02:58.000 And you sit in these, and you're like, there's 5,000 switches and you're like, do they know?

01:03:04.000 And they go, yeah, they know what every switch does.

01:03:06.000 I'm like, Yeah.

01:03:08.000 Not that one.

01:03:11.000 But it's like everything in life, right?

01:03:13.000 Especially when you take it to the first extreme.

01:03:16.000 It's like there's levels and levels to everything.

01:03:20.000 It's one of the things that's most fascinating about being a person is like you can pick a path.

01:03:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:03:25.000 And get into whatever it is that you really love too.

01:03:28.000 I always tell young kids, you know, pick something you want.

01:03:30.000 I hate when people come and say, I want to be famous.

01:03:32.000 Like, what does that mean?

01:03:32.000 You want to be famous?

01:03:33.000 You want to do something that you enjoy.

01:03:36.000 Right?

01:03:37.000 Yeah.

01:03:37.000 Your passion.

01:03:38.000 Your money will follow.

01:03:40.000 Maybe.

01:03:42.000 True.

01:03:44.000 I don't know what it is.

01:03:46.000 But it's not...

01:03:47.000 Forget that.

01:03:47.000 Forget money.

01:03:48.000 Maybe.

01:03:49.000 No, but I mean...

01:03:51.000 You might starve to death.

01:03:52.000 Yes, you might.

01:03:52.000 You might just really...

01:03:53.000 But you might starve to death doing something you enjoy.

01:03:57.000 Because you want to go to a job that you hate going to every day.

01:04:00.000 What the fuck?

01:04:00.000 Why do it?

01:04:00.000 It's like telling the antelopes, when you see the lion, run.

01:04:04.000 Right.

01:04:05.000 And you'll be okay.

01:04:06.000 Well, maybe.

01:04:08.000 Maybe you'll be the one that they eat and that everybody else will be okay.

01:04:13.000 I mean, that's the reality of life.

01:04:15.000 It's not guaranteed.

01:04:17.000 And there's a lot of people that follow their dreams and they wind up broken, man.

01:04:22.000 Yeah.

01:04:22.000 I mean, I've known that.

01:04:24.000 I'm sure you know that in comedy.

01:04:25.000 I mean, how many guys do you know that you started out with that kind of had potential?

01:04:29.000 Yeah, oh, a lot.

01:04:30.000 Well, there's a lot of funnier guys than me.

01:04:32.000 I got very lucky, and the timing of when everything hit and what I did, you know what I mean?

01:04:38.000 Like, I couldn't imagine if I was starting now where I don't even know if there's any comedy shows on TV anymore.

01:04:43.000 I mean...

01:04:44.000 Like, well, I mean, it's like Netflix.

01:04:47.000 It's like Netflix is basically it.

01:04:49.000 That's it.

01:04:50.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:04:50.000 So if Netflix isn't going to do it, I used to be able to do Comic Street 5 in Evening at the Improv and The Tonight Show and Conan and all those shows.

01:05:00.000 Right.

01:05:00.000 The late night shows, that's where you got your...

01:05:03.000 Do they still have unknown comics on, like the Tonight Show?

01:05:06.000 I don't think any late night show puts on comics anymore.

01:05:10.000 Really?

01:05:11.000 Unless you're selling a book or doing something.

01:05:13.000 I used to do the Tonight Show every month.

01:05:17.000 I would call Jay.

01:05:19.000 What's that?

01:05:21.000 That's my impression.

01:05:22.000 That's better than Gene Simmons.

01:05:24.000 That's crazy.

01:05:25.000 That makes more sense than Gene Simmons.

01:05:29.000 So I used to do that show all the time.

01:05:31.000 In fact, one time we were doing it, and I remember I had to go back and do a show in Vegas.

01:05:36.000 So I did the show.

01:05:37.000 I think it was like – it might have even been like New Year's Eve.

01:05:40.000 And he says – I said, I got to go back to Vegas.

01:05:43.000 He goes, I'm going back to Vegas tonight, too.

01:05:44.000 And I said, oh, are you in Southwest?

01:05:46.000 He goes, yeah, yeah, I'm in Southwest.

01:05:48.000 I said – I literally had my ticket.

01:05:51.000 He said, no, do you want to go with me in my jet?

01:05:54.000 And I said, uh, when?

01:05:57.000 He goes, right after the show.

01:05:58.000 I have a show.

01:05:59.000 I have a family.

01:05:59.000 So let's go together.

01:06:01.000 So me and my assistant and Jay get on the jet, his jet, and we're flying into Vegas.

01:06:08.000 And I'm thinking, this is one of those moments you just kind of like take, he's dead asleep, mouth wide of it.

01:06:12.000 I'm thinking the whole time, I'm so, I don't want to throw a peanut in his mouth.

01:06:15.000 You know what I mean?

01:06:15.000 It's just like Jay Leno.

01:06:16.000 His head is this big, right?

01:06:17.000 Just a big, big head.

01:06:19.000 And you're just like, I'm staring at him and he has like, he has a thing, like carrot top written on his, in his briefcase.

01:06:26.000 Cause I guess it was something about- He had a folder?

01:06:28.000 Yeah, folder.

01:06:29.000 It said carrot top on it, but I guess it was just to, I don't know, to remind him that I'm on the jet with him or whatever.

01:06:34.000 I don't know.

01:06:34.000 It just said carrot top.

01:06:35.000 But I'm looking at my assistant, and look, I said, this is a moment we just take in.

01:06:38.000 We're on a private jet with fucking Jay Leno.

01:06:40.000 He's passed out, and it's really bad weather.

01:06:44.000 We're bouncing around, like, so bad, right?

01:06:46.000 And it's getting really bad, so I'm holding on to the things, like, oh, fuck, I really don't like this.

01:06:53.000 And we hit some really bad air pockets, and he's just, and he's literally just, eh, that's crazy.

01:07:00.000 And he's having a dream.

01:07:02.000 So he wakes up, he looks over, and I'm like, oh, God.

01:07:06.000 He's like, you okay?

01:07:07.000 I said, no, I'm really not, Jay.

01:07:09.000 This is, fuck, if I, he goes, you think, though.

01:07:12.000 He says, if we go down and we die, the newspaper's gonna say, Jay Leno dies with two unknowns.

01:07:19.000 I'm like, well, you know, fucker, I was just on your show.

01:07:21.000 I'm known.

01:07:22.000 Yeah.

01:07:22.000 He really said that?

01:07:23.000 Yeah.

01:07:23.000 How rude.

01:07:24.000 Yeah, rude.

01:07:25.000 That's a little fucking...

01:07:26.000 No, he was just being cock-waved.

01:07:27.000 Cock-waved on you.

01:07:30.000 Jay Leno goes down with two unknowns.

01:07:31.000 Two unknowns.

01:07:32.000 How rude.

01:07:33.000 I think I said something like, well, I could have done Letterman.

01:07:35.000 I would have been known, but I did your show instead.

01:07:40.000 Jay Leno is so much better on his car show than anything else he's ever done.

01:07:44.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:07:45.000 Other than stand-up.

01:07:45.000 I asked to be on, because I've done the show with him some time, I said, can I be on the car show?

01:07:49.000 Yeah.

01:07:51.000 I didn't even like cars.

01:07:52.000 I said, I don't have to like cars.

01:07:54.000 I can still be on your show and make it, well, just let me be on your show.

01:07:57.000 What kind of car do you have?

01:07:58.000 I said, I just have one.

01:08:00.000 He's like, one?

01:08:01.000 I said, yeah, I have a G-Wagon.

01:08:03.000 That's all I got.

01:08:03.000 He's like, well, that's not...

01:08:06.000 I said, no, I'll be in one of the...

01:08:07.000 I'll come out of the trunk with my props.

01:08:09.000 It'll make it funny.

01:08:11.000 We have to know a little bit about a car.

01:08:12.000 I know a little bit about a car.

01:08:13.000 I mean, I know the hood is there.

01:08:16.000 It'd be fun.

01:08:17.000 He's like, yeah, yeah, I really want...

01:08:19.000 It's not that kind of show.

01:08:21.000 It's the kind of show for someone who's obsessed with cars.

01:08:24.000 Like, I'm a car freak.

01:08:26.000 So for me, it's like...

01:08:27.000 Okay, so you probably...

01:08:28.000 Yeah.

01:08:29.000 I'm not a car freak.

01:08:30.000 It's like if I had you on an...

01:08:31.000 I mean, I like cars.

01:08:32.000 If I had you on an MMA show.

01:08:33.000 Do you know anything about UFC? Yeah.

01:08:36.000 A lot?

01:08:37.000 Well, I know, I know, I know, I know, what's his, right, Dana?

01:08:41.000 Oh, that guy.

01:08:42.000 You see what I'm saying?

01:08:43.000 Like, if I had an MMA show and I wanted to talk about possible matchups and I had you on, you really wouldn't know.

01:08:49.000 I would say that guy.

01:08:51.000 He looks mean.

01:08:51.000 That guy looks scary.

01:08:53.000 Yeah, hook him up.

01:08:54.000 Well, I went to a match, this is funny, in Vegas, and this is not a joke, so I go to this, they put me right in the front of the chain, right?

01:09:03.000 Yeah, the cage.

01:09:04.000 Cage.

01:09:04.000 That would have been horrible on your show.

01:09:07.000 A thing where the contest takes place.

01:09:09.000 The thing where the, oh, the cage, right.

01:09:10.000 So you know a lot about this, right?

01:09:11.000 I know enough.

01:09:12.000 So I'm right there, and this guy's getting, I mean, badly beaten.

01:09:17.000 He couldn't get up, and the guy's just...

01:09:19.000 And I'm right this close to, like, holding onto the fence, and his face is like, bam, bam, bam, right?

01:09:25.000 And he literally is getting...

01:09:27.000 And he opens his eyes, he goes, Carrot Top!

01:09:30.000 Really?

01:09:31.000 Oh, my God.

01:09:32.000 I go, get up, because I can't...

01:09:34.000 Yeah, it's just a great scene.

01:09:38.000 Carrot Top!

01:09:40.000 I said, get up!

01:09:41.000 He's like, I can't!

01:09:42.000 And I kept saying, don't hurt my friend!

01:09:43.000 Hey!

01:09:45.000 That's called a lack of focus.

01:09:46.000 He's really supposed to be paying attention on the task at hand.

01:09:49.000 Well, that's what made me laugh, because he just recognized he's the only other task.

01:09:52.000 That's the guy who pursued his dream, and maybe, you know, maybe he's one of them antelopes.

01:09:57.000 Yeah, maybe.

01:09:58.000 Maybe he's one of them antelopes with a limp.

01:10:01.000 That's just part of...

01:10:02.000 That's great, though.

01:10:03.000 For me.

01:10:03.000 I was like, dude.

01:10:04.000 Yeah, fun for you.

01:10:06.000 I was on the other side of the fence.

01:10:07.000 Yeah.

01:10:07.000 But then I kept telling the other guy, just leave him alone.

01:10:09.000 He's my friend.

01:10:10.000 He knows me.

01:10:11.000 I don't think you listened, right?

01:10:12.000 I know.

01:10:12.000 Yeah, it doesn't work that way.

01:10:14.000 No.

01:10:14.000 So people that have never been to it live before are stunned.

01:10:18.000 The energy and also the fact it's so different when there's no commentary because you're kind of like watching it play out in your head and you hear, what is he doing?

01:10:26.000 Right.

01:10:26.000 Who's winning?

01:10:27.000 You hear like stuff like that from people in the audience.

01:10:30.000 Yeah, you're definitely right though.

01:10:30.000 You'd have to have commentary.

01:10:31.000 Well, not necessarily, because like some fights, you just see what's happening.

01:10:35.000 You know what's going on.

01:10:36.000 You just hear the pounding.

01:10:37.000 Yeah, you see people getting fucked up.

01:10:38.000 Just that sound.

01:10:39.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:10:42.000 There's a lot of that.

01:10:43.000 It's like that with NASCAR, too.

01:10:45.000 I got in with NASCAR when I was doing some AT&T commercial shit back in the day.

01:10:50.000 And so they said, you got to go to a Paladega or whatever, Daytona thing.

01:10:55.000 So I said, okay.

01:10:55.000 I grew up in Florida, but never been to a race.

01:10:57.000 And you go to that and you're like, holy shit.

01:11:00.000 Not just that, but it's like so smart.

01:11:03.000 It's like, you know, people make fun of NASCARs like they're dumb.

01:11:06.000 They're idiots.

01:11:07.000 Not only do they all come in their private jets, but the calculations and the people and the number crunching and the shit happening during the whole race, it's unbelievable.

01:11:15.000 I take a quarter pressure, quarter thing and then pull that down and crank one.

01:11:20.000 It's like...

01:11:21.000 You just leave there going, fuck, these guys are brilliant.

01:11:24.000 Yeah, there's a lot of engineering involved, right?

01:11:26.000 Engineering.

01:11:26.000 There's a lot of money involved.

01:11:27.000 Whenever there's a lot of money, those pit crews.

01:11:30.000 Yeah, their brain.

01:11:31.000 But it's funny how people think of NASCAR as dumb, and then you look and you're like, this is completely smart.

01:11:37.000 It is, but the thing that drives people nuts is that it's a circle.

01:11:42.000 That's true.

01:11:43.000 Just going around.

01:11:44.000 I used to be one of my jokes in my show, I said, Danica Patrick, she had her blinker on the whole time.

01:11:47.000 It was some stupid joke.

01:11:49.000 I think she had her blinker on the whole time.

01:11:51.000 Well, they should make half the cars go the other way.

01:11:53.000 That would be fun.

01:11:54.000 That would be fun.

01:11:59.000 Jesus Christ, that would be wild.

01:12:00.000 You might have just created a new sport.

01:12:02.000 That would be fun, right?

01:12:03.000 Fuck yeah.

01:12:04.000 Half the cars start up that way, and then they go, and go!

01:12:07.000 They would have to make the cars much more protected, but if they did that...

01:12:11.000 Well, you just make them like a ramp, and that way if they did hit it, they just fly.

01:12:14.000 That was one of my first props I ever rode.

01:12:16.000 Dennis Miller, by the way.

01:12:18.000 Can I tell you my Dennis Miller thing?

01:12:19.000 No.

01:12:19.000 Okay.

01:12:20.000 Please.

01:12:22.000 So I was performing it.

01:12:23.000 This is one of my, it goes back to like weird shit.

01:12:26.000 So I was performing, I only had like 15 minutes, maybe tops, one trunk of stuff.

01:12:34.000 And that's how I actually, funny enough, I used to say, God, if I just build more shit, I could do more time.

01:12:41.000 So if I have more shit, I could headline it.

01:12:43.000 So I had like one trunk.

01:12:44.000 It was like maybe, you know, 20 props, five were good.

01:12:47.000 I just spread it out and tried to get there.

01:12:49.000 So they called me literally like four in the afternoon.

01:12:53.000 I'm in Charlotte.

01:12:53.000 And they said, do you want to open for Dennis Miller at Wake Forest University?

01:12:57.000 And I said, when?

01:12:58.000 They said, tonight.

01:12:58.000 I said, tonight?

01:12:59.000 Fuck, it's four in the afternoon.

01:13:01.000 How am I going to get to Wake?

01:13:02.000 So, you know, three hours, you can drive there and you can open.

01:13:06.000 So I said, fuck yeah, right?

01:13:08.000 It's my first big...

01:13:09.000 So I take my little prop.

01:13:10.000 What year is this?

01:13:11.000 Hmm.

01:13:13.000 90 or 89?

01:13:14.000 80-something?

01:13:16.000 Maybe somewhere like that.

01:13:18.000 And so, I get there and...

01:13:21.000 It's a huge auditorium.

01:13:23.000 It's their homecoming.

01:13:24.000 It's fucking right.

01:13:25.000 It's like a 4,000-seat arena.

01:13:28.000 And I remember the Braves were playing in the World Series against somebody.

01:13:34.000 And he's a big Pittsburgh.

01:13:36.000 And the only reason I know this is because Dennis Miller is a big Pittsburgh Pirate fan.

01:13:38.000 So I get there, and I'm just beyond nervous.

01:13:43.000 I set my little trunk up in the packed crowd.

01:13:46.000 And the guy sends me out, and he says, do 15 minutes.

01:13:52.000 I said, I don't know if I have 15. I'll do what I can do.

01:13:56.000 The crowd was so good, right?

01:13:58.000 So I go out and I'm just doing like my Wendy's, all my fucking shit that was, you know.

01:14:04.000 And I, like three jokes in.

01:14:05.000 One was a car.

01:14:06.000 I said, they should make a car built like a ramp.

01:14:08.000 So if you have a collision, you just jump over it, right?

01:14:10.000 And it kills.

01:14:11.000 And then I pick up my paper cups and string with the call waiting in it.

01:14:15.000 Oh, that was the closer.

01:14:17.000 So I waited for that.

01:14:17.000 So I look over and I see, oh, fuck, there's Dennis Miller standing with the guy that booked me, right?

01:14:26.000 And Dennis Miller's just standing there watching.

01:14:29.000 I remember he's just being really short kind of guy.

01:14:32.000 And the guy was going like, you know, And I've only done, like, three jokes.

01:14:39.000 Oh, Dennis wants you to get off stage?

01:14:41.000 I guess.

01:14:42.000 So I look over, and then I look over again, and then I do it on the joke, and then I look, and the guy's like, just, like, wrap it up, right?

01:14:48.000 And I'm like, I've only done not even five minutes.

01:14:53.000 So I do my closer, my big, big paper cups and string.

01:14:57.000 Yeah, here's one for the new call waiting, and then conference calling, and da-da-da-da.

01:15:01.000 I'm not even done with it.

01:15:02.000 He walks out, and he says, leave your shit.

01:15:07.000 Because I was going to get it out of the way for him.

01:15:09.000 Right.

01:15:10.000 And I said, okay.

01:15:12.000 And then he didn't say anything.

01:15:13.000 And then I went up into the rafters of the theater and watched him perform.

01:15:19.000 And afterwards, anyway, he left, right?

01:15:23.000 And so then he said something like he picked up the car with the ramp and he looked at it and he went...

01:15:33.000 And threw it, but they tossed it.

01:15:36.000 And the whole crowd was like, what the fuck, right?

01:15:39.000 Because they loved me.

01:15:40.000 I was just young.

01:15:41.000 They were like, they loved me.

01:15:42.000 I was doing so well.

01:15:43.000 And they could tell that he just made fun of me and defaced my thing.

01:15:47.000 And it went like, ooh.

01:15:48.000 He's like, take it easy.

01:15:50.000 They call me Topper.

01:15:52.000 He says, Topper is funny, right?

01:15:55.000 Show's over.

01:15:56.000 I go to him.

01:15:57.000 He already left.

01:15:58.000 He didn't want to say hi.

01:15:59.000 I said, okay.

01:16:00.000 So then for five years at least, he'd make fun of me on his show.

01:16:04.000 Any show he did, he would make fun of me, like in a bad right.

01:16:07.000 And then one day, Margaret Cho is on like an election night thing they used to do with Dennis Miller.

01:16:15.000 And he says something about Kyrton.

01:16:16.000 And she says, why do you have...

01:16:19.000 Kerry Topps is a sweet guy.

01:16:20.000 Why do you hate him so much?

01:16:22.000 And he says, I'll tell you why.

01:16:24.000 And he says, he opened for me, and he's had the school wrong, Notre Dame or something.

01:16:29.000 And he did, you know, 35 minutes.

01:16:32.000 He was supposed to do 10. He did 35 minutes, and he doesn't know how to watch his time, and he needs to learn that and da-da-da-da-da this, right?

01:16:40.000 I'm like, well, wait a minute.

01:16:42.000 So all these shows go by.

01:16:44.000 I'm in a hotel in L.A. Doors open.

01:16:47.000 I said, Dennis.

01:16:49.000 And he goes, Topper.

01:16:51.000 I said, we have to clear something up.

01:16:54.000 He says, what's that?

01:16:55.000 I said, not only is your story not holding, no, no, you went long.

01:17:00.000 And I said, wait.

01:17:02.000 I said, I couldn't have gone long because I only had five fucking minutes.

01:17:05.000 So I didn't go long.

01:17:07.000 I said, let's just clear the air.

01:17:08.000 I didn't go long.

01:17:09.000 I couldn't have gone long.

01:17:10.000 There was no possibility I could go long.

01:17:12.000 And, you know, that's the story.

01:17:15.000 And he's like, yeah, well, whatever.

01:17:18.000 Bolts off.

01:17:19.000 I'm like, that went well.

01:17:21.000 And then I'm with David Spade one night.

01:17:23.000 And I said, David Spade, I said, hey, could you, could you, like, help me clear the air with fucking Dennis Miller?

01:17:30.000 What happened?

01:17:30.000 I said, so I tell him the story.

01:17:31.000 He goes, no, he went long.

01:17:32.000 I said, I couldn't go.

01:17:34.000 To this day, I couldn't go.

01:17:35.000 I didn't go long.

01:17:36.000 So anyway, finally he's like, whatever.

01:17:39.000 Just, you know what, let it go, dude.

01:17:40.000 I'm like, again, I want him to like me.

01:17:43.000 I want him to be my friend.

01:17:44.000 Yeah, of course.

01:17:44.000 So then it was an all-star basketball game in Vegas.

01:17:48.000 And I go in and everyone's like, all the ESPN people were, you know, there.

01:17:53.000 And I sit down and who's sitting right behind me?

01:17:56.000 Dennis Bell.

01:17:56.000 Yeah.

01:17:57.000 So I look back and I go, Dennis.

01:17:59.000 And he goes, yeah, I said, you, I said, um...

01:18:03.000 Something about, well, I got one seat better than you, or something about my hair blocking.

01:18:07.000 You won't be able to see the game because of my stupid hair or something.

01:18:11.000 Probably really ruined your night.

01:18:13.000 He says, you know what's really going to ruin my night?

01:18:15.000 And I said, what?

01:18:16.000 He says, my son wants to meet you.

01:18:20.000 He was so mad.

01:18:21.000 My son loves you.

01:18:22.000 I said, oh my God, that must really burn your...

01:18:24.000 I really hate that.

01:18:25.000 And he goes, yeah, he's your bigot.

01:18:27.000 He loves Karen Topper.

01:18:28.000 I said, see, tell your dad that I'm okay.

01:18:31.000 That's hilarious.

01:18:32.000 Yeah, so now I think we've become good friends.

01:18:34.000 It was just, again, communication and misunderstanding.

01:18:38.000 I wouldn't have done that.

01:18:40.000 Well, it's also people get real tense before they go on stage, and if they feel like you're doing something that they don't like, some comics get upset.

01:18:46.000 I hope he didn't have a car with a ramp.

01:18:48.000 No, I don't think he did.

01:18:50.000 He's doing my joke!

01:18:51.000 I have a car with a ramp!

01:18:52.000 It's all one of those things, it's like, who booked that?

01:18:56.000 Why would you take a guy who's got these witty one-liners and put them with a guy who's a prop act?

01:19:01.000 It's like, they don't necessarily jive.

01:19:03.000 Well, actually, it would have jive pretty good, because it was so different.

01:19:06.000 Actually, the crowd was going...

01:19:07.000 But that's not always good.

01:19:08.000 Oh, well, true.

01:19:09.000 Like, different's not always good.

01:19:10.000 Well, that's true.

01:19:10.000 I had a guy with some dog thing happen before my show.

01:19:14.000 A dog thing?

01:19:14.000 It was a guy, they sent a thing, and I said, oh, that'd be kind of funny.

01:19:18.000 It's like dogs doing, like, whatever.

01:19:20.000 And that might be cute for my show, and it was just horrendous.

01:19:23.000 So you had an act with dogs?

01:19:25.000 It was like a dog that, yeah, did this whatever.

01:19:26.000 Oh, the dog performed with him?

01:19:29.000 Yeah, something like that.

01:19:30.000 I forget now, it's been too long ago.

01:19:31.000 But the only funniest, funniest pet one I've ever seen.

01:19:35.000 I think his name is Bruce Block.

01:19:37.000 He opened for Amazing Jonathan one night.

01:19:39.000 And this is brilliant shit.

01:19:41.000 I don't know why I didn't think of this.

01:19:42.000 So there's a little carpet stage, right?

01:19:45.000 Just enough for like your dog.

01:19:47.000 Just enough for a little dog.

01:19:49.000 And there's a microphone, just like this.

01:19:52.000 There's a stage, a little microphone.

01:19:54.000 And they said, please, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, whatever the fuck, Muffy so-and-so.

01:20:00.000 And the little fucking rabbit, this is great, walks up on the thing and grabs the mic like this.

01:20:07.000 The dog grabs the mic?

01:20:09.000 No, the bunny.

01:20:09.000 Oh, the bunny?

01:20:10.000 It's a bunny.

01:20:11.000 It was a bunny.

01:20:12.000 It's not a dog.

01:20:13.000 No, that was different.

01:20:14.000 This is an amazing dog.

01:20:15.000 I wish I'd hired you.

01:20:16.000 It's that fucking weed.

01:20:18.000 I would have hired this guy.

01:20:20.000 It was so fucking good though, right?

01:20:22.000 So this little bunny rabbit comes up and he grabs it like this and he says, what's up motherfuckers, right?

01:20:30.000 So what the guy did, he's got a little feeder in it.

01:20:34.000 Right.

01:20:35.000 And he's trained, of course, to hold like this.

01:20:37.000 But then when he'd feed it, he would go like that.

01:20:40.000 And he'd say, hey, motherfuckers.

01:20:43.000 So the carrot was eating food.

01:20:45.000 Yeah, it was 20 minutes of this rabbit telling really funny, dirty jokes.

01:20:51.000 And the way he would mannerism with the mic, he's like, yeah, look at these fucking cocksuckers over here.

01:20:57.000 That's hilarious.

01:20:58.000 Yeah, it was great.

01:20:58.000 It was brilliant.

01:20:59.000 That's brilliant.

01:21:00.000 It was brilliant.

01:21:01.000 I remember the whole time, not I'm crying.

01:21:02.000 I'm like, why did I not think of that?

01:21:04.000 God damn it.

01:21:04.000 That is a great idea.

01:21:06.000 And if you get that rabbit to really keep eating...

01:21:08.000 I think it was Bruce Block, I think his name was.

01:21:10.000 If you get the rabbit to keep eating and you had some good, solid jokes...

01:21:13.000 Oh yeah, he could do anything.

01:21:14.000 That's a great idea.

01:21:15.000 No, it's great.

01:21:16.000 I think Bruce is down there doing the voice.

01:21:20.000 Like, hey, look at this lady over here.

01:21:23.000 I met Dennis Miller.

01:21:24.000 The first time I met Dennis Miller, I was at one of those...

01:21:26.000 Have you ever done one of those television things where you do like a block of press and they have like...

01:21:34.000 It's been so long, I forget what they call them, but whenever you...

01:21:37.000 Yeah, press...

01:21:38.000 Yeah, junket thing.

01:21:40.000 So there'd be like a bunch of stars from a bunch of different NBC shows and what have you.

01:21:45.000 And so I'm peeing.

01:21:48.000 And Dennis pulls up beside me and he goes, hey, Joey, you got yourself a hit over there, huh?

01:21:54.000 And I look over and I said, yeah, it's doing pretty good.

01:21:57.000 He says, yeah, that fear factor, doing pretty fucking good, pal.

01:22:00.000 Congratulations.

01:22:01.000 I go, oh, okay.

01:22:03.000 It's just weird when you're talking to somebody for the very first time and you have your dick in your hand and they're standing like a foot away from you and they're like, hi.

01:22:10.000 We have something in common.

01:22:11.000 We have something very similar.

01:22:12.000 I'm not making this up.

01:22:13.000 Bill Maher, if he was sitting right here, he'd remember this.

01:22:15.000 So I had never met Bill Maher.

01:22:16.000 He was at the American Comedy Awards.

01:22:18.000 And it might have been the night that I won.

01:22:19.000 So I go into the bathroom.

01:22:22.000 I didn't know he was in there.

01:22:23.000 And first of all, before I even do, Bill Maher was peeing next to me.

01:22:27.000 Next to me was Casey Kasem.

01:22:30.000 Oh, wow.

01:22:31.000 And next to Casey Kasem, this is not a joke, you can't make this shit up, right, was Larry King.

01:22:35.000 So when I walk into the bathroom, I see, not a joke, Tree icons!

01:22:42.000 No, I see...

01:22:43.000 No, he had his pants all the way down.

01:22:46.000 Which one?

01:22:46.000 Casey?

01:22:46.000 No.

01:22:47.000 Bill?

01:22:48.000 No.

01:22:49.000 Larry King.

01:22:50.000 That seems like something you did.

01:22:50.000 And I walked in, I remember thinking, I saw...

01:22:52.000 No, seriously, but you think, well, when he gets his...

01:22:54.000 But he had...

01:22:54.000 It's just like, who does that?

01:22:56.000 I like that.

01:22:56.000 Who does that?

01:22:57.000 I'm going to do that from now on.

01:22:59.000 Yeah, fuck it.

01:23:01.000 All the way down.

01:23:02.000 And so that caught my eye.

01:23:03.000 I was like, what the fuck?

01:23:04.000 And then I see Casey Kasem.

01:23:05.000 He's really short.

01:23:06.000 And then Bill Maher.

01:23:07.000 So I literally come like a horse into my stall, and I look over, and I see Casey Kasem.

01:23:13.000 And I look over at Bill Maher.

01:23:15.000 All he said was, I said, nice cock.

01:23:18.000 And he's like, what the?

01:23:20.000 And Bill, you know, Bill, he just loses his shit, right?

01:23:23.000 He's laughing so hard.

01:23:25.000 And then case to case, I'm like, what the fuck is going on in this bathroom, right?

01:23:29.000 And I said, comedy words, anyhow.

01:23:31.000 So I go back to my table, and Bill Maher's table's a couple over from mine.

01:23:36.000 He's got like 20 people, literally, at his table.

01:23:38.000 And he's telling his whole table, and they're all looking over at me.

01:23:43.000 And he's like, come here.

01:23:45.000 And I'm like, fuck!

01:23:46.000 So I go over and I go, hey, and he says, tell him what, I said, you already told him what I did.

01:23:50.000 And he's like, that was fucking funny and very risky.

01:23:53.000 I said, I didn't know what to say to you.

01:23:55.000 I'm a big fan, so I figured, hey, nice cock.

01:23:57.000 And it's really not, but I just wanted to get on your show.

01:24:01.000 And he says, you want to be on my show?

01:24:02.000 And I said, yeah.

01:24:03.000 He says, literally, call me tomorrow if you were available this weekend, literally that week.

01:24:10.000 And I was on the show like three days later.

01:24:12.000 Because I said he had a nice cock.

01:24:13.000 That's nice.

01:24:14.000 Just politically incorrect days?

01:24:15.000 Yeah, politically incorrect, yeah.

01:24:17.000 That was a fascinating situation.

01:24:19.000 You talk about someone getting canceled from a show that was probably the best thing that could ever happen.

01:24:24.000 This was during the Iraq War, and he was talking about...

01:24:30.000 I think what he said was something...

01:24:34.000 I don't want to fuck it up, but who's a coward?

01:24:37.000 The people who flew the planes in the building or the people who dropped bombs from a distance or something?

01:24:42.000 Something along those lines, and people got very, very, very upset, and then they wound up pulling the show.

01:24:47.000 And then he went over to HBO, and it became an infinitely better version of the show.

01:24:54.000 He's one of the best people of our era of pushing back against the most extreme, ridiculous, leftist, sort of censoring views.

01:25:05.000 And he's kind of all over the place, too.

01:25:07.000 Cancer culture thing.

01:25:08.000 He's kind of all over the place with...

01:25:09.000 Well, he's very liberal, but he's an old-school liberal, as in I am.

01:25:14.000 There's a thing, there's a difference between liberals that are just like, they think of themselves as open-minded people that realize that not everybody starts off at the same starting point.

01:25:26.000 So this idea of pull yourself up by your own bootstrings is pretty ridiculous.

01:25:30.000 That's me.

01:25:31.000 That's what I think.

01:25:32.000 And that we all need some social programs.

01:25:36.000 The world needs them.

01:25:38.000 When I was a kid, I was on welfare.

01:25:40.000 My parents were on welfare.

01:25:41.000 We had food stamps.

01:25:42.000 I remember that very clearly.

01:25:44.000 And so the idea that everybody should just figure it out on their own.

01:25:47.000 No, man.

01:25:49.000 If we're a community, we're supposed to be helping each other.

01:25:52.000 And there's a certain amount of social programs that benefit society.

01:25:56.000 But he's also a guy who realizes that there's a certain amount of pushback against certain aspects of our society that become almost like cult-like.

01:26:06.000 And they don't make sense.

01:26:08.000 And things get preposterous and ridiculous and they go too far with things.

01:26:11.000 And that's where Bill stands.

01:26:14.000 He's more of an old-school, like, being a liberal from 20 years ago was very different than being a liberal of today, or a leftist of today.

01:26:22.000 Like, people today are, like, leaning so far towards socialism and Marxism that it's like, I don't know if they're doing it because they've thought it through, if they're doing it because this is the ideology of the moment, of the youth, and they think they're gonna reshape society.

01:26:37.000 And change things, which is like every young group thinks they're going to do that.

01:26:40.000 Every new group of people.

01:26:42.000 But Bill, in my opinion, is one of the very best of our current crop of people that's got a voice that speaks out against that stuff.

01:26:50.000 He's brilliant, actually.

01:26:52.000 He is.

01:26:52.000 And his show's brilliant.

01:26:53.000 Whoever's writing those things is brilliant.

01:26:55.000 I know one of the...

01:26:56.000 Scott.

01:26:58.000 Someone, yeah.

01:26:59.000 I've known him for years.

01:27:00.000 He's been with him day one.

01:27:03.000 A whole bunch of writers.

01:27:05.000 It's a very good show.

01:27:06.000 His main guy is great.

01:27:08.000 It's complicated.

01:27:10.000 I feel like that show would even be better if it was a long-format show on the internet with no censor.

01:27:16.000 You drink whatever you want, buddy.

01:27:18.000 There's nothing wrong with Crown.

01:27:20.000 I was just joking about that.

01:27:21.000 My first beer I ever had, my dad worked back at Space Center, went to a launch, and I was like 12. We'd go to see a shuttle launch.

01:27:33.000 100, you know, Florida, 100 degrees out, and I'm sitting there.

01:27:37.000 I say, can we get like a hot dog on a Coke or something?

01:27:40.000 My dad's like, what do you want?

01:27:41.000 I said, I don't know, Coke and a hot dog.

01:27:44.000 He says, the line for Coke and hot dog was like 70 deep, and the line for a beer was like two.

01:27:51.000 So my dad looks at me and says, you're drinking a fucking beer.

01:27:54.000 laughter And I said, a beer?

01:27:56.000 I'm 12. He goes, just don't tell your mom.

01:27:57.000 I said, okay.

01:27:58.000 So I saw like three launches that day.

01:28:00.000 I got home.

01:28:01.000 My mom was like, how was the launch?

01:28:02.000 It was like three rockets.

01:28:03.000 She's like, what's wrong with you?

01:28:04.000 I said, no, I had beer.

01:28:05.000 You gave him a beer.

01:28:07.000 Yeah.

01:28:07.000 That's funny.

01:28:08.000 Isn't that funny?

01:28:08.000 Because that's my dad's logic.

01:28:10.000 He's like, I'm not waiting in the fucking line.

01:28:11.000 You're getting a beer.

01:28:12.000 When you saw the launch, did you wonder if it was going to blow up?

01:28:15.000 Well, this is prior to the blowing up one.

01:28:17.000 The Challenger one?

01:28:18.000 Yeah.

01:28:18.000 But I was, of course, my dad knew everybody on that one.

01:28:22.000 Oh, did he really?

01:28:23.000 Yeah.

01:28:23.000 I was in college at the time, and I was driving like a courier van.

01:28:27.000 And I remember, you know, the news came on, and I was like, what the?

01:28:31.000 It was on the talk radio I used to listen to.

01:28:34.000 Before we had cell phones, I pulled over and found a pay phone, and I called my dad, and he was like, just, you know, at the space center and just losing his mind.

01:28:43.000 He's like, yeah, yeah, it just happened.

01:28:46.000 I was at this girl I was dating.

01:28:48.000 We kind of stopped dating.

01:28:50.000 We kind of broken up and she moved to another part of the state and I went to visit her there.

01:28:55.000 And I think she had gone to school.

01:28:59.000 I think I had graduated from high school and she was still a senior.

01:29:01.000 I think that's what was happening.

01:29:02.000 So she had gone to school and I was staying at her house still.

01:29:05.000 And I watched TV and I didn't see the actual bomb, the actual Challenger blow up.

01:29:12.000 I saw a replay of it.

01:29:14.000 They were playing the replay on TV. So I turned on TV and I was like, holy fuck.

01:29:18.000 I think, I don't know if she was there or not.

01:29:20.000 It's hard to remember.

01:29:20.000 It was so long ago.

01:29:21.000 But I never forget, like, seeing it and trying to figure out what was happening.

01:29:27.000 What's going on with that?

01:29:28.000 Imagine people there watching too.

01:29:30.000 It didn't make sense.

01:29:30.000 When there's a tragedy and you get to watch, like, you see a video of it, like, is this real?

01:29:35.000 Like, am I watching something that's real?

01:29:36.000 Did this really happen?

01:29:38.000 It was, like, now you see, like, fucking Jeff Bezos is going flying around.

01:29:43.000 Like, what is he doing?

01:29:44.000 Richard Branson, they're all going into space.

01:29:46.000 Like, hey, guys, guys, guys.

01:29:48.000 My neighbors are on one of those flights coming up with Branson, I think.

01:29:51.000 So many people are giving Jeff Bezos shit because he was at a party for New Year's.

01:29:56.000 It was a disco party, and they're shitting all over the way he was dressed.

01:30:00.000 I think he looks great, okay?

01:30:02.000 A lot of you people are fucking haters.

01:30:04.000 They're haters because they're saying...

01:30:06.000 What did he look like?

01:30:07.000 Well, here's the thing.

01:30:09.000 There's a video.

01:30:10.000 I'd like you to find this video before you show me what he looked like.

01:30:12.000 There's a video from Jeff Bezos.

01:30:17.000 He's driving a Honda, and he's being interviewed.

01:30:21.000 By this guy and he's worth at the time he was Amazon was just taking off and he was worth Approximately eight billion dollars and so the guy says to him.

01:30:30.000 Yeah, this is it play this 1999 play this somewhere in the vicinity of nine or ten billion dollars today I Only say that because I've got a follow-up question.

01:30:41.000 Okay.

01:30:42.000 What's with the Honda?

01:30:45.000 This is a perfectly good car.

01:30:48.000 Okay, now...

01:30:49.000 That's good.

01:30:49.000 This is 1999, okay?

01:30:51.000 So here we are 20, almost 22 years later.

01:30:55.000 Look at him.

01:30:56.000 What's wrong with that?

01:30:57.000 First of all, he's fucking jacked.

01:30:59.000 I was going to say, he's ripped.

01:31:00.000 He's got a beautiful girl in him.

01:31:01.000 She's hot as fuck.

01:31:02.000 She's hot as the sun.

01:31:03.000 Looks like he's packing some heat.

01:31:04.000 He's jacked.

01:31:05.000 He's jacked and he's dressed for a disco party.

01:31:08.000 So he had a disco party at his house.

01:31:09.000 So what's wrong with that?

01:31:11.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

01:31:12.000 But that is a full transformation.

01:31:14.000 But see that's another thing of people, why people just being mean?

01:31:16.000 Well it's just because he's now worth a hundred and eighty million billion dollars.

01:31:21.000 He's worth like, I think it's between him and Elon, they go back and forth as who's the richest person in the world.

01:31:27.000 Look at him.

01:31:27.000 He's jacked!

01:31:29.000 Jacked!

01:31:30.000 Look at him!

01:31:31.000 That's that same dorky guy in the Honda and now he probably...

01:31:33.000 Oh wow, you're right.

01:31:34.000 Wow.

01:31:35.000 Yeah, he's Carrot Top in the fucking late 80s or whatever it was.

01:31:39.000 What year was it when he got really jacked?

01:31:41.000 Oh, it was more than that.

01:31:42.000 It was like in the 2000s somewhere.

01:31:44.000 But yeah, it lasted for a small bit.

01:31:47.000 He's riding that testosterone replacement therapy ride and he's in full effect.

01:31:53.000 But why?

01:31:54.000 Who cares?

01:31:56.000 I never understood that.

01:31:57.000 Who cares?

01:31:58.000 If he was a rapper, Right, right, right.

01:32:23.000 He's killing it.

01:32:24.000 Yeah.

01:32:24.000 The guy's killing it.

01:32:25.000 Nothing wrong with it.

01:32:26.000 Looks great.

01:32:27.000 Yeah.

01:32:28.000 You go back to that guy in the Honda.

01:32:30.000 Yeah, this is a perfectly good car!

01:32:32.000 It's a great car.

01:32:33.000 You go back to that guy in a 1999 Honda, and then, you know, who knows, what does Jeff Bezos drive today?

01:32:41.000 I mean, he's probably got some fucking exotic handmade shit.

01:32:45.000 Yeah, probably.

01:32:46.000 They fly in from overseas.

01:32:47.000 They chrome, like Justin Bieber had a chrome.

01:32:50.000 He's probably balling out of control.

01:32:52.000 Completely out of control.

01:32:54.000 Why not?

01:32:54.000 It's good for him.

01:32:55.000 Well, why not?

01:32:56.000 But the point is, it's like...

01:33:00.000 Jeff Bezos is successful.

01:33:03.000 Why shouldn't he be jacked with a super hot girlfriend dressing like a pimp?

01:33:08.000 He's got a really nasty Bugatti.

01:33:11.000 Let me see the fucking Bugatti!

01:33:13.000 Let's see the goddamn Bugatti!

01:33:15.000 I like it!

01:33:17.000 I like it, Jeff!

01:33:19.000 I like the new you!

01:33:21.000 This is how I feel.

01:33:22.000 That's a great Jesus.

01:33:24.000 Look at that.

01:33:25.000 That's like a $5 million car.

01:33:28.000 I was trying to find a picture of him in it so I could know for sure.

01:33:31.000 I think they're worth like $5 million.

01:33:33.000 They're preposterous cars.

01:33:35.000 That's Jeff Bezos' Bugatti.

01:33:38.000 Woo!

01:33:39.000 Look at that.

01:33:40.000 Why not?

01:33:40.000 I remember doing a Tonight Show with Jay.

01:33:42.000 He always had all those cars.

01:33:44.000 And one day I went out, you know, that parking spot he had right there in the front.

01:33:50.000 He said, it was a bike, but it had a jet engine on it.

01:33:54.000 Oh, yeah, I've seen that.

01:33:55.000 I thought it was a joke.

01:33:56.000 Yeah.

01:33:56.000 So I look, I'm standing there looking at him.

01:33:58.000 I'm like, what the fuck?

01:33:59.000 And Jay comes out.

01:34:00.000 I said, is that...

01:34:01.000 Is that...

01:34:03.000 Is that like a jet bike?

01:34:05.000 And he goes, yeah, that's a jet bike.

01:34:07.000 I said, well, how fast does this go?

01:34:08.000 He goes, it's the fastest it was.

01:34:10.000 And I said, well, how fast have you had it?

01:34:13.000 And he's like, yeah, like 180. I'm like, 180. You know, of course, from L.A. to Vegas, probably in that stretch.

01:34:19.000 But I'm like, when else can you go like on a jet?

01:34:23.000 Why do you need a jet bike to go like through L.A.? Like how would you just have so much money?

01:34:27.000 I'm just going to get a jet bike.

01:34:29.000 Well, he's just fascinated by cars.

01:34:31.000 Oh, no, he's great.

01:34:32.000 And then I asked him to bring in, which makes me think of the story of the cars.

01:34:35.000 I asked him, his assistant, Helga, I said, could Jay bring in the Ford GT? Because I saw that he had it.

01:34:44.000 On something.

01:34:45.000 And she said, yeah.

01:34:47.000 So pull up, nice enough.

01:34:49.000 He drove it in just for me to look at it.

01:34:51.000 And he says to me, do you want it for what you want to see?

01:34:55.000 I said, yeah.

01:34:56.000 I love this car.

01:34:57.000 And he goes, you know, I have a McLaren.

01:34:59.000 I could have brought that.

01:35:00.000 I said, I don't want the McLaren.

01:35:01.000 I want the Ford GT. And he's like, the McLaren is way better.

01:35:05.000 He was shocked that's the one I wanted to see.

01:35:07.000 I have way better car.

01:35:09.000 And I've seen the fire truck.

01:35:10.000 Imagine Jay Leonard driving down the fucking 405 with his fucking fire truck.

01:35:13.000 Which he does.

01:35:14.000 Was it the older Ford GT? Yeah, it was the Ford GT, yeah.

01:35:18.000 2005-ish?

01:35:20.000 Yeah, probably, yeah.

01:35:21.000 With this double blue stripe on it.

01:35:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:35:23.000 White with double blue stripes.

01:35:24.000 It was fucking good.

01:35:25.000 What is that?

01:35:26.000 What is that one?

01:35:26.000 Lamborghini?

01:35:27.000 Ven-nen-no.

01:35:28.000 Ven-nen-no-no-no-no.

01:35:30.000 It's the most expensive car he has.

01:35:40.000 I love the fact he goes from the fucking Honda to that.

01:35:43.000 Yeah, to that.

01:35:44.000 He might have a big pickup truck, too.

01:35:47.000 To fully jacked man with a smoking hot girlfriend on a yacht.

01:35:51.000 That's the cheapest car he has apparently.

01:35:52.000 That's the cheapest car.

01:35:53.000 That's the cheapest car.

01:35:54.000 It's only a million dollars.

01:35:54.000 Wait, what is it going backwards?

01:35:55.000 It's like Southwest.

01:35:56.000 What is it?

01:35:57.000 Ferrari Pinaferina Sergio.

01:36:00.000 It's a three million dollar car.

01:36:00.000 Doesn't it look like it's going backwards?

01:36:02.000 It does look like it's going backwards.

01:36:04.000 Yeah, it does.

01:36:04.000 It's weird looking.

01:36:06.000 It's cool.

01:36:06.000 It is cool.

01:36:07.000 I love it.

01:36:08.000 I've never even seen that before.

01:36:09.000 Where's the windshield?

01:36:10.000 I would actually drive it backwards just to fuck with people.

01:36:12.000 It seems like it doesn't have a windshield.

01:36:15.000 Yeah, it doesn't have a windshield.

01:36:16.000 Do you have to wear goggles?

01:36:17.000 What if you get hit in the face with a squirrel?

01:36:20.000 That doesn't have a windshield.

01:36:22.000 That has no windshield.

01:36:24.000 Like, oh my god.

01:36:26.000 Hey, I'm in the car with him!

01:36:28.000 Wait a minute!

01:36:29.000 Jeff Bezos and Carrot Top!

01:36:31.000 But why would you buy a car with no windshield?

01:36:34.000 That's just silly.

01:36:35.000 Well, he has no hair.

01:36:36.000 He's fine, you know.

01:36:37.000 Yeah, but your face.

01:36:38.000 It's a mess.

01:36:38.000 If you fly into a flock of birds, you're a dead man.

01:36:41.000 No.

01:36:42.000 Like, just a bug.

01:36:43.000 I like this.

01:36:44.000 He's too rich.

01:36:44.000 He doesn't need a fucking windshield.

01:36:46.000 But if you're going 180 miles an hour and you hit a bug, is that what it means?

01:36:49.000 Maybe it's removable.

01:36:50.000 Oh, maybe you can...

01:36:50.000 Oh, removable.

01:36:52.000 What?

01:36:52.000 Really?

01:36:53.000 Maybe.

01:36:53.000 No.

01:36:54.000 I think the top one's a concept.

01:36:56.000 I don't think it's real.

01:36:59.000 That's what it is.

01:37:00.000 They just took the picture of the concept car.

01:37:03.000 They do stuff like that.

01:37:04.000 I have muscle cars and sometimes when they build them, they don't put side mirrors on them.

01:37:10.000 And they want to keep no side mirrors on it.

01:37:12.000 And I'm like, hey guys, I need side mirrors.

01:37:14.000 I drive these things.

01:37:15.000 But these guys who make custom cars, they don't want to put side mirrors.

01:37:19.000 They want to keep it sleek.

01:37:22.000 Look up Joe Rogan's 1969 Nova.

01:37:26.000 My friend Steve Stroop is building me a 1969 Nova.

01:37:30.000 Look, when I was in high school, man, I was obsessed with cars, and I was obsessed with muscle cars.

01:37:35.000 And at the time, that's what it looked like in the rough, but there's newer images of it where it's like finished, where you can see the shine.

01:37:43.000 That's just the bare metal.

01:37:45.000 It was released recently.

01:37:48.000 Keep scrolling.

01:37:49.000 Right there, right there.

01:37:50.000 Were you clicking on that there?

01:37:51.000 Right there.

01:37:52.000 So that is what it looks like now.

01:37:54.000 Oh, wow.

01:37:54.000 So that's like, but see look, no side mirrors.

01:37:56.000 And that's my buddy Steve.

01:37:57.000 Oh, right, right.

01:37:57.000 The cursor is over my buddy Steve Stroop, who's a masterful car designer.

01:38:02.000 You're right though, no side mirrors, but you're right.

01:38:03.000 Because it would keep it more, that's a beautiful car.

01:38:05.000 It's beautiful.

01:38:06.000 I love those.

01:38:07.000 That's a beautiful car.

01:38:08.000 Oh my God, I love those 1960s muscle cars.

01:38:10.000 Yeah, those kind of cars are cool.

01:38:11.000 I always wanted to find a Ford or a Chevy truck.

01:38:14.000 Oh, dude, I can find you one.

01:38:16.000 I know people, yeah.

01:38:17.000 With the big round back mirror or window in it.

01:38:20.000 Uh-huh.

01:38:21.000 Dude, whatever you- A burnt orange.

01:38:23.000 Oh, yeah.

01:38:23.000 Like a really burnt orange.

01:38:24.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:38:25.000 Dude, you know what you should get?

01:38:26.000 You should get an Icon Thriftmaster.

01:38:29.000 Do you know what that is?

01:38:30.000 Nope.

01:38:31.000 Well, you need to check out this.

01:38:32.000 Find it!

01:38:33.000 My friend, Jonathan Ward.

01:38:35.000 Jonathan Ward, he runs Icon.

01:38:38.000 Oh, that's what I'm saying.

01:38:40.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:38:41.000 That's so weird.

01:38:42.000 Yeah, is that Ward's Thriftmaster?

01:38:43.000 That's almost exactly what I'm talking about.

01:38:45.000 I even did the same damn color.

01:38:46.000 That's a 48. That's not Jonathan's.

01:38:48.000 That's a 1948 Chevy.

01:38:50.000 That's a gorgeous, gorgeous car, though.

01:38:52.000 Oh, that's for sale.

01:38:53.000 That's at Vanguard Motor Sales.

01:38:55.000 There's a site called VanguardMotorsales.com.

01:38:59.000 I think it's VanguardMotors.com.

01:39:00.000 But they specialize in a lot of these really cool old...

01:39:04.000 Go to VanguardMotors.com.

01:39:06.000 Just go there.

01:39:07.000 They probably have a car like this for sale there because that came from Vanguard.

01:39:15.000 I visit their website all the time just to see what kind of shit they have.

01:39:19.000 And if you like scroll into their inventory, just click current inventory.

01:39:23.000 Yeah.

01:39:23.000 The older, yeah, see?

01:39:25.000 Oh, wow, jeez.

01:39:25.000 So you go really old, they have like a 1941 Willys.

01:39:28.000 But if you scroll down, scroll down a little, they have those pickup trucks.

01:39:31.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, they do.

01:39:32.000 Look at that.

01:39:32.000 55 Ford.

01:39:33.000 Look at that black one in the middle.

01:39:34.000 Oh, shit.

01:39:36.000 Look at that thing.

01:39:37.000 Oh, and that's a Restomod, too.

01:39:39.000 So it's got a modern Coyote engine, so it's got a modern Ford engine, which is what I love.

01:39:43.000 I love when they take an old car, but they put new shit in it.

01:39:46.000 Oh, they have a few.

01:39:47.000 They have four different Restomods that are from the 50s.

01:39:50.000 Look at that F100 pickup truck, the green one.

01:39:53.000 Holy shit, that's badass.

01:39:56.000 God damn.

01:39:57.000 And look at the red one in the middle.

01:39:58.000 That's another Rustomar Supercharged 350. But yeah, this is my style of car.

01:40:04.000 But I agree with you.

01:40:05.000 If you're going to do a car, the muscle cars are beautiful.

01:40:08.000 Oh my God.

01:40:08.000 Look at that Ford Bronco.

01:40:10.000 Oh my God, it's beautiful.

01:40:13.000 OJ's right underneath it.

01:40:14.000 No, it's a different car.

01:40:15.000 He lives in Vegas.

01:40:16.000 I see OJ all the time, by the way.

01:40:17.000 Do you really?

01:40:17.000 Yeah.

01:40:18.000 What is that like?

01:40:19.000 Hey, scroll up a little bit.

01:40:20.000 Scroll up a little bit.

01:40:20.000 I'll tell you my OJ story.

01:40:21.000 Scroll up.

01:40:21.000 Go left.

01:40:22.000 That green Rustomar.

01:40:23.000 Click on that.

01:40:25.000 Oh wow, that's a great color too.

01:40:28.000 That gets my dick hard.

01:40:28.000 Look at that green.

01:40:29.000 Look at that fucking card.

01:40:31.000 That made my dick hard.

01:40:32.000 God damn, that's beautiful.

01:40:33.000 Oh my god, that's gorgeous.

01:40:35.000 That is a fucking gorgeous card.

01:40:38.000 1967. That's beautiful.

01:40:40.000 The green on that is nice.

01:40:41.000 Oh my god, that's so beautiful.

01:40:43.000 I love that kind of card.

01:40:45.000 Where is this one out of, this place?

01:40:46.000 I don't know where they are.

01:40:48.000 I want to say they might be in Detroit.

01:40:51.000 I'm not sure.

01:40:52.000 Beautiful.

01:40:53.000 Michigan, yeah.

01:40:54.000 They're in Michigan.

01:40:55.000 But like, look at that fucking car, man.

01:40:59.000 That's what I like.

01:41:00.000 I like these when they take an old car, but they put all new underpinnings.

01:41:04.000 Everything.

01:41:05.000 That makes me excited.

01:41:06.000 That's why they call that not even restoring.

01:41:08.000 They call it brand new.

01:41:09.000 Yeah, they call them Restomods.

01:41:11.000 That's what my 69 Nova is.

01:41:13.000 That's beautiful.

01:41:14.000 It's a 69 Nova on the outside, but Steve took the fenders of a 1969 Camaro because they're wider, and he fused those to the body of the 69. Yes, that's what I like.

01:41:26.000 But anyway, go to Icon Thriftmaster.

01:41:29.000 So the reason why I'm saying Icon is because what Jonathan Ward does, he takes it like many, many, many levels past where a normal person would take it.

01:41:38.000 And he does these incredible cars where it's like incredible engineering.

01:41:44.000 He works on these things for fucking years before any car ever gets made.

01:41:48.000 And he's designed these Thriftmasters and they're fucking drop-dead gorgeous.

01:41:54.000 Like you see them...

01:41:55.000 I've seen a bunch of them.

01:41:57.000 Look at that.

01:41:58.000 That's one that's kind of cool, but he's got ones that are like matte black.

01:42:04.000 Oh, look at that silver one.

01:42:07.000 But these things drive fantastic.

01:42:10.000 I mean, they're really cool.

01:42:12.000 Go to that black one on the far...

01:42:14.000 Ooh, look at that one.

01:42:15.000 Look at that matte black one.

01:42:16.000 I mean, come on, son.

01:42:18.000 Sylvester Stone would drive that in a fucking action movie.

01:42:21.000 Yeah.

01:42:22.000 They're gorgeous cars, and they're meticulously done.

01:42:25.000 And Jonathan is just a stickler for design and detail, and he just loves things like that.

01:42:33.000 Look at that.

01:42:33.000 They're all beautiful.

01:42:33.000 Yeah.

01:42:34.000 There's something about those old cars.

01:42:36.000 That's why I want an old truck.

01:42:38.000 You can get one, right?

01:42:38.000 So I can put my little prop trunk in the back and head to the Improv and Would you?

01:42:42.000 Yeah, do a guest set.

01:42:44.000 Pull up in that.

01:42:45.000 Do you have a guest spot set?

01:42:47.000 Yeah, it's funny you say that.

01:42:49.000 I used to make a joke years ago.

01:42:50.000 I'd have a little miniature trunk that would have like 10 small props.

01:42:55.000 So if I wanted to do a guest set, I could just pop in and just walk in with it.

01:42:58.000 Do you ever do that?

01:42:58.000 No, I should, because it'd be funny, I think.

01:43:00.000 Well, Vegas has a real comedy scene now.

01:43:02.000 You could stop in somewhere.

01:43:04.000 Well, I would probably go to, like, do one of the...

01:43:06.000 Right.

01:43:06.000 Do, like, go to the...

01:43:07.000 The Improv or something.

01:43:08.000 ...and the Improv and Bud Friedman tell me to get my shit out of the hallway.

01:43:10.000 The Monocle?

01:43:11.000 I'll be sitting there, yeah.

01:43:12.000 Do you...

01:43:13.000 Have you gone to any of those local Vegas clubs?

01:43:16.000 Because Vegas has a lot of clubs now.

01:43:17.000 Yeah, Brad Garrett's a good friend of mine.

01:43:18.000 He's got a brand new club.

01:43:19.000 It's gorgeous.

01:43:20.000 I mean, like, they spend a shit ton of money on it.

01:43:22.000 Is it a new one or the one that's in the MGM? No, it's brand new in the MGM. Just opened last week.

01:43:26.000 Oh, no shit.

01:43:26.000 Yeah.

01:43:26.000 Well, the other one that existed, Dom Herrera loves that place, the last one.

01:43:31.000 Oh, the last one he had?

01:43:32.000 The last one he had in the MGM. No, it was a great club, but now Brad just made a whole new MGM. Is it in the same location?

01:43:40.000 It's in the same hotel.

01:43:41.000 No, it's in the better location.

01:43:43.000 It's where the mall shops are.

01:43:45.000 It used to be buried down the...

01:43:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:43:47.000 Now it's up in the top.

01:43:48.000 That was kind of what's cool about it.

01:43:49.000 You had to go downstairs in the basement.

01:43:50.000 Yeah, I agreed.

01:43:51.000 But I haven't been to the new one, but I hear it.

01:43:53.000 Brad, of course, is a sweetheart.

01:43:56.000 He's a great guy.

01:43:56.000 He came to my show on my anniversary a couple weeks ago, and it was great.

01:44:01.000 I middled for Brad Garrett in, like, the fucking early 90s.

01:44:05.000 I middled for Brad Garrett, like, 91 or 92, before Everybody Loves Raymond.

01:44:08.000 Yeah.

01:44:09.000 Way back in the day.

01:44:10.000 He's a giant dude.

01:44:11.000 Oh no, he's great.

01:44:12.000 I had to rip it the same thing.

01:44:14.000 I went into the audience and I said, you want to be announced or not?

01:44:17.000 But I said, fucking, you can't not announce him.

01:44:19.000 He's 6'7", or whatever the fuck he's sitting in the thing, in a little seat.

01:44:23.000 And he talks like this.

01:44:25.000 Can you do a Brad Garrett impression?

01:44:30.000 Nah, at least I could.

01:44:31.000 I should.

01:44:32.000 I can do a Gilbert Goffrey.

01:44:33.000 What are these people?

01:44:34.000 That's pretty good.

01:44:35.000 That's not bad.

01:44:36.000 That's not bad.

01:44:37.000 Brad Garrett!

01:44:39.000 Yeah, so Brad, in the audience, I said, Brad Garrett, everybody's going crazy.

01:44:43.000 Everybody loves Raymond.

01:44:45.000 They really don't love Brad, but everyone still loves you.

01:44:47.000 He couldn't have been nicer.

01:44:49.000 He hung around three hours after the show in our little after-party.

01:44:54.000 Everybody does love Ray Romano.

01:44:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:44:57.000 I love Ray Romano, but everybody loves Brad, too.

01:45:00.000 Oh, no.

01:45:01.000 Brad's very well beloved.

01:45:02.000 Absolutely.

01:45:03.000 So the new place is in the MGM, but is it where all the shops are?

01:45:07.000 Yeah.

01:45:07.000 Is that where it's at?

01:45:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:45:08.000 It's up in the upper right.

01:45:11.000 Nice.

01:45:12.000 Yeah.

01:45:12.000 And what is that, like 300-seater, like the other one?

01:45:15.000 I have not been to it.

01:45:16.000 Oh, this is the new one?

01:45:16.000 Oh, that looks great.

01:45:18.000 Yeah, it's what's on their site.

01:45:19.000 That's great.

01:45:20.000 That was a perfect classic comedy club shape.

01:45:23.000 Now, let me ask you this.

01:45:23.000 Are you allowed to work anywhere you want?

01:45:26.000 Like, can you go to another place and do a guest spot?

01:45:29.000 Or do you have an exclusive deal?

01:45:30.000 I think for a guest spot, I'm okay.

01:45:31.000 You know, they have that stupid law, whatever, like, what's it called?

01:45:34.000 TMZ, what's it called?

01:45:36.000 Whatever that stands for, the miles.

01:45:38.000 TMZ? TMZ stands for something mile zone.

01:45:42.000 So you can't perform, you probably know this.

01:45:44.000 10 mile zone?

01:45:45.000 10 mile zone or something, right.

01:45:48.000 If I just wanted to go over to Brad's and do a little thing, which probably would be the best thing for me to do.

01:45:53.000 So you could do a show in Reno if you wanted to?

01:45:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:45:57.000 I couldn't do one somewhere else in Vegas, probably.

01:46:00.000 I've never worked Reno.

01:46:01.000 Have you ever worked Reno?

01:46:02.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:46:03.000 Reno's actually a really fun...

01:46:05.000 Relaxed.

01:46:08.000 Oh yeah, just blue-collar, fun, rowdy, drunk crowds.

01:46:12.000 Yeah, we have really good shows in Reno.

01:46:14.000 In fact, one time we were talking about shooting a special or something, I thought Reno would be a good spot.

01:46:18.000 It's not a bad spot.

01:46:20.000 It's so different than Vegas, though, because Vegas is so uptight, and Reno's a little more loose.

01:46:26.000 I was just watching a video, see if you can find this online, from 19...

01:46:32.000 I want to say it's like, the early 1900s, Jack Johnson defended his heavyweight title, I think it was against Jim Jeffries, and it was in Reno.

01:46:43.000 And I was watching this video.

01:46:44.000 1890?

01:46:44.000 No, 1900s.

01:46:46.000 Early 1900s, yeah.

01:46:48.000 That's when we started comedy.

01:46:50.000 A little bit later.

01:46:52.000 We started a little bit later.

01:46:53.000 It feels like the 1900s.

01:46:54.000 It was wild because they built an arena, an outdoor arena in Reno for this fight.

01:47:00.000 It was 110 degrees outside and they had a 45 round fight.

01:47:05.000 Oh, Jesus!

01:47:07.000 Yeah.

01:47:07.000 Dude, it's wild.

01:47:08.000 But here's what's wild.

01:47:08.000 Look at all these guys with hats.

01:47:10.000 Yeah.

01:47:11.000 Everybody wore hats.

01:47:12.000 Everybody did.

01:47:13.000 Everyone.

01:47:13.000 Everyone had a hat.

01:47:14.000 First of all, it's all men.

01:47:15.000 If you look around, you don't see any women.

01:47:17.000 It's all men with hats.

01:47:19.000 It's weird.

01:47:20.000 How weird is this?

01:47:21.000 This is 1910 in Reno, Nevada.

01:47:23.000 And everyone had a fucking hat.

01:47:25.000 They all had a hat.

01:47:26.000 Miles around to watch Jack Johnson fight Jim Jeffries.

01:47:31.000 Jim Jeffries, he went into training camp for six months for this fight because he had taken many years off of fighting and he had ballooned up to over 300 pounds.

01:47:40.000 And he lost 100 pounds to get down to fighting weight.

01:47:44.000 Wilford Brimley is there, too.

01:47:45.000 No, that's John L. Sullivan, you son of a bitch.

01:47:47.000 How dare you.

01:47:48.000 Wilford Brimley.

01:47:49.000 And so he lost 100 pounds to get down to weight.

01:47:53.000 Wow.

01:47:54.000 And it took him six months to do so.

01:47:56.000 That's him right there.

01:47:57.000 So that's him fit and in shape.

01:47:58.000 So he used to be the heavyweight champ, and he was a real stud back in the day.

01:48:02.000 But by this time, he was like 37 years old.

01:48:05.000 Is he still fighting?

01:48:06.000 No, he's doing commentary now.

01:48:08.000 He had taken six whole years off of fighting and lost a ton of weight and got in shape.

01:48:18.000 Did he win?

01:48:18.000 No, Jack Johnson fucked him up.

01:48:20.000 Jack Johnson was the man back then.

01:48:21.000 So my question is, just you brought that up, look at that, the sea of hats.

01:48:26.000 So my question is, what comes to my brain is when and why do we don't wear that hat anymore?

01:48:33.000 Why don't we wear hats anymore?

01:48:34.000 It's a good question because back then, if you had a hat business, you're like, bro, I'm fucking killing it.

01:48:39.000 Everyone's always going to have hats.

01:48:41.000 What's with the hats?

01:48:42.000 When do we just go, we don't wear hats anymore?

01:48:44.000 Those hats are the blockbuster video of headwear.

01:48:47.000 It's like they just went away.

01:48:48.000 Yeah, it's so bizarre.

01:48:50.000 They probably back then couldn't imagine a world where men didn't wear hats.

01:48:53.000 Yeah, they all wore hats.

01:48:55.000 Like the jackets and coats and hats and ties.

01:48:56.000 And they were saying in the video when I was watching it that front row tickets were going for over $100.

01:49:03.000 $100 a ticket back then.

01:49:05.000 Like, what is...

01:49:06.000 Okay, just Google that.

01:49:08.000 What was $100 in 1910 and 2022 money?

01:49:12.000 I'm going to say...

01:49:13.000 Let's take a guess.

01:49:14.000 I'm going to say $3,000.

01:49:17.000 Yeah, something like that maybe.

01:49:18.000 $3,000.

01:49:19.000 That's for a $100 equivalent then?

01:49:20.000 Yeah, I want to say it's $3,000.

01:49:23.000 What is it, Jamie?

01:49:25.000 $29.25.

01:49:27.000 I was going to say $29.95.

01:49:29.000 You should have.

01:49:30.000 You would have looked smarter.

01:49:32.000 But I mean, $3,000 for a front row ticket.

01:49:36.000 By the way, that was a pretty phenomenal guess.

01:49:38.000 Pretty good guess.

01:49:39.000 You're off like $4.

01:49:40.000 Yeah.

01:49:41.000 Well, they estimated something at the time the video was made.

01:49:45.000 They said it was like $1,000.

01:49:47.000 But at the time the video was made, I think it was Jim Jacobs was doing the commentary for the video.

01:49:54.000 And I think that was in the 80s that he was doing that.

01:49:58.000 So I just put it forward.

01:50:00.000 And so it's probably about $3,000.

01:50:01.000 That's a pretty good guess.

01:50:02.000 Fucking inflation.

01:50:03.000 That's the problem.

01:50:04.000 Nothing's worth anything anymore.

01:50:06.000 It's crazy.

01:50:07.000 I was reading that the amount of money that they print every day because of COVID and the economy's crashing and all that shit, it's some staggering amount every second.

01:50:21.000 Like hundreds of thousands of dollars.

01:50:23.000 Oh, that we print every day?

01:50:24.000 And $100 bills are printed every second.

01:50:27.000 Isn't that crazy?

01:50:28.000 It's throwing money.

01:50:29.000 I know.

01:50:29.000 Do you understand the economy or do you just know how much you get paid?

01:50:32.000 Nice.

01:50:32.000 Here it is.

01:50:33.000 A little bit of the economy.

01:50:33.000 I don't know it.

01:50:35.000 Okay.

01:50:35.000 How much I get paid.

01:50:36.000 I do, I do, I do, you know.

01:50:37.000 How much money is printed each day?

01:50:38.000 The Bureau of Engraving and Printing produces 38 million notes a day with a face value of approximately $541 million.

01:50:48.000 Alright, so my question to you is how long has this been going on?

01:50:52.000 I don't know.

01:50:53.000 We've always been overprinting money, I'm assuming, right?

01:50:57.000 All of a sudden, just now we're going to start doing this shit.

01:51:00.000 Isn't it funny how important that is and how little most of us know about how it all works?

01:51:04.000 Yeah.

01:51:05.000 I just go, yeah, my paycheck?

01:51:07.000 Yeah, right.

01:51:07.000 Can I pay my bills?

01:51:08.000 Yeah, you know, like you negotiate a certain amount, you get the check, and you can pay your rent and all that jazz.

01:51:13.000 I really don't go, holy shit, that, yeah.

01:51:15.000 But if you did sit around and think about it, I've had people explain it to me, explain finances to me, and explain the economy to me, and it's...

01:51:24.000 Mind-boggling and complicated.

01:51:25.000 That's why I'm a comedian.

01:51:26.000 I don't know that stuff.

01:51:27.000 No, seriously.

01:51:28.000 Yeah.

01:51:28.000 I can have someone sit right now and explain the economy.

01:51:31.000 There was a couple guys in your podcast that were explaining that.

01:51:34.000 They're not funny, though.

01:51:35.000 No.

01:51:36.000 You talk to guys who explain the economy.

01:51:39.000 Yeah, you're like, they're a hoot.

01:51:41.000 You should hang out with them.

01:51:42.000 They're fun.

01:51:43.000 They're about as funny as coroners.

01:51:44.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:51:44.000 And they're both equally solemn because they're just like, oh, this is over.

01:51:49.000 Yeah, what we do here.

01:51:50.000 Yeah.

01:51:50.000 That's my Gene Simmons doing it.

01:51:52.000 This is Gene Simmons.

01:51:54.000 You don't even know how to do Gene Simmons, Carrot Top.

01:51:57.000 You're right, I don't.

01:51:58.000 Now that you're doing it right, I can't do it.

01:52:02.000 I suck at impressions.

01:52:04.000 I can't do very many impressions, but I can do a few.

01:52:06.000 Like Clinton, I can do...

01:52:07.000 Everybody can do Clinton.

01:52:09.000 That's easy.

01:52:11.000 Huge.

01:52:11.000 That's all I can do, though.

01:52:12.000 Just that word, huge.

01:52:13.000 There's a guy who does Trump, and if you close your eyes...

01:52:16.000 You're like fucking crazy.

01:52:17.000 It's amazing.

01:52:18.000 Trump's a good one, because he's got so many mannerisms.

01:52:20.000 He's got so many...

01:52:23.000 I do a bit in the show where I go, one thing I liked about when he would do speeches and stuff, he would always announce people in the audience that were out there.

01:52:32.000 It's always an interesting reaction when people like it.

01:52:35.000 I said, do you remember him going like, Sally, where's Sally?

01:52:38.000 Sally, great lady, where's Sally at?

01:52:42.000 Jimbo.

01:52:43.000 Great guy.

01:52:45.000 He knows how to wear a crowd.

01:52:47.000 But it's interesting how crowds, some nights they laugh, some nights they just go, they do that, they're kind of like, are we allowed to laugh at this?

01:52:53.000 No one knows what to do anymore.

01:52:55.000 Yeah.

01:52:56.000 If you can laugh, it's okay.

01:52:58.000 Do you pay attention to politics at all, or just for jokes?

01:53:02.000 Mostly just jokes.

01:53:03.000 I mean, I try to stay in tune, in a sense.

01:53:06.000 I mean, I watch news, and I try to stay on top of it, but mostly for material.

01:53:10.000 I try not to get too crazy into it, because no one cares.

01:53:13.000 It's not good for your head.

01:53:14.000 Well, yeah, no one really, you know, when they come to my show, they're not expecting me to do it.

01:53:17.000 They want to see a walker with a dildo on it.

01:53:19.000 Right.

01:53:20.000 You got to see them.

01:53:21.000 They care, but they just don't care at that moment.

01:53:23.000 Right, right, right.

01:53:24.000 They're like, I want to hear you talk about, yeah.

01:53:27.000 Yeah.

01:53:28.000 It's a fine line.

01:53:30.000 Like, people who just do political commentary, or political comedy, rather, it's like, oof.

01:53:35.000 Well, yeah, like, you just see a, yeah.

01:53:37.000 I mean, even like a, well, although Bill Morrow, going back to Bill, I saw the special he did.

01:53:42.000 Goddamn, that was an hour of, it was pretty fucking funny.

01:53:45.000 Last special?

01:53:46.000 Yeah, it was pretty funny.

01:53:47.000 A lot of politics talk?

01:53:49.000 It was all politics talk.

01:53:50.000 But it was well done.

01:53:52.000 And what's his name too?

01:53:53.000 Black, Lewis Black.

01:53:54.000 Lewis Black, yeah.

01:53:55.000 Fucking great.

01:53:56.000 He starts going on about the scientist thing when he goes, people, we paid these millions of dollars for people to do one thing, then research, development,

01:54:11.000 or whatever, and I hope I'm doing it better, Lewis Black.

01:54:14.000 And he says, and they get the thing, and they get the information, and they get it all together, and they gather up, And they give it to us!

01:54:20.000 And then we get it and we go, eh, I'm not buying it.

01:54:24.000 This is their only job.

01:54:26.000 This is what they do is they get their information and they give it to us.

01:54:30.000 Lewis Black's brilliant.

01:54:31.000 I saw him literally at a comedy club in Vegas before he blew up.

01:54:37.000 And I'm sitting in the back of the room losing my mind.

01:54:39.000 I'm like, this guy is brilliant.

01:54:42.000 And there was like 20 people in there.

01:54:44.000 And then he started doing his specials and doing the thing on Comedy Central, John Stewart, back in black with him.

01:54:52.000 And I remember thinking, I was that night, why is this guy not...

01:54:58.000 Why is he not...

01:54:59.000 Huge.

01:54:59.000 Right.

01:55:00.000 Yeah.

01:55:01.000 Fucking brilliant.

01:55:02.000 Well, he is now.

01:55:04.000 It's one of those things.

01:55:04.000 Yeah, no, no.

01:55:05.000 He's...

01:55:06.000 There's so many comics like that.

01:55:07.000 You just like, you know...

01:55:08.000 Yeah.

01:55:09.000 There's just...

01:55:10.000 Which is great, again, about styles.

01:55:11.000 It's fun to watch different styles.

01:55:13.000 Like Jack...

01:55:13.000 Or Jack Black.

01:55:14.000 Or Jack Black.

01:55:15.000 Louis Black.

01:55:16.000 Or, you know...

01:55:18.000 Do you ever go to a show?

01:55:19.000 Do you ever, like, go and sit down and watch a comedy show?

01:55:21.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:55:22.000 I used to more then now.

01:55:23.000 When I lived in L.A., I'd always go back and sit in the back of the room and watch a comedy show.

01:55:28.000 Well, when you're doing your show six nights a week, how do you have time for anything?

01:55:32.000 That's just it.

01:55:33.000 What time does your show start?

01:55:34.000 It starts at 8. Oh, okay.

01:55:36.000 So, yeah, you're in the middle of everything.

01:55:37.000 It's done by 8.05.

01:55:38.000 Yeah, thank you.

01:55:39.000 Tight five, and then Dennis Miller chooses you going long.

01:55:43.000 Yeah, it's hard.

01:55:44.000 It's hard to do anything else.

01:55:45.000 It is.

01:55:45.000 That's the hard thing.

01:55:46.000 And people always say, if it shows, I said, no, I, you know, and I, when I get one night off, you know, it's like...

01:55:52.000 One, it's a Sunday.

01:55:53.000 There is going to be a show that I can go to.

01:55:56.000 Yeah.

01:55:57.000 Do you experience Vegas nightlife?

01:55:59.000 People that live in Vegas never go to this trip, right?

01:56:02.000 I don't normally.

01:56:04.000 Unless you want to...

01:56:05.000 I don't normally.

01:56:07.000 Unless you want to go to...

01:56:10.000 The show...

01:56:10.000 It causes me to drink and smoke more than...

01:56:13.000 This show?

01:56:13.000 Yeah.

01:56:14.000 You getting nervous?

01:56:14.000 This show?

01:56:15.000 No, I'm having a great time.

01:56:18.000 Yeah.

01:56:19.000 But, like, my friends that live in Vegas, they never go to the Strip unless they want to go to a restaurant or something.

01:56:26.000 Right, yeah.

01:56:26.000 I mean, it's tough, though.

01:56:27.000 But, I mean, if there's something like...

01:56:30.000 The last comic, I think I went and saw Chris Rock, and, you know, I went to the whole Nine Yards, you know, waited in line, turned in my cell phone, been a baggie and all that, and...

01:56:42.000 Where was that at?

01:56:43.000 It was at the...

01:56:45.000 Good question.

01:56:47.000 I've known Chris for...

01:56:48.000 Funny fucking guy.

01:56:50.000 That guy is right.

01:56:51.000 One of the greats.

01:56:52.000 I always used to give him grief.

01:56:55.000 Again, I've been lucky with certain comics that you think would not like me that actually do like me.

01:56:59.000 So Chris was always a big fan.

01:57:02.000 And I said, you know what's great about you?

01:57:03.000 You tell every joke twice.

01:57:05.000 So really, an hour special is a half hour because he always says, these people are great...

01:57:10.000 People are crazy!

01:57:11.000 And then he'd say, people are fucking crazy!

01:57:13.000 He would say the same line.

01:57:14.000 So I'd say, really, you only have a half hour if you take them.

01:57:17.000 And he would go, he's like, yeah, thanks, Scott.

01:57:20.000 But no, it was a great show.

01:57:22.000 And I remember watching it just thinking, he's a true pro, like fucking the writing and the delivery and just everything.

01:57:31.000 Just like from the beginning to the end, it's like fucking great.

01:57:34.000 Yeah, he takes a very different professional approach.

01:57:37.000 He has guys he works with where he pays them to watch his set and then they go over the material afterwards.

01:57:43.000 Yeah, I've never done that.

01:57:44.000 I should do that.

01:57:45.000 It's brilliant.

01:57:45.000 I should do that.

01:57:46.000 It's a smart idea because he has access to all these brilliant comedian minds and then they'll say, when you're doing that, here's what I've thought.

01:57:53.000 Right.

01:57:54.000 And they'll be like, hmm, take it into consideration.

01:57:56.000 So you have...

01:57:56.000 It's like you're putting together a show.

01:57:58.000 Sure, sure.

01:57:59.000 Like if you were putting together like a sitcom, you would have a bunch of writers and sit around and spitball.

01:58:04.000 And so he'll do his stuff and then he'll have like a couple of guys will come.

01:58:08.000 He used to do that when he was preparing for like the Oscars.

01:58:11.000 Right.

01:58:12.000 Come to the comedy store and he would bring a couple guys to watch him and then they would go over the material afterwards and try to tighten it up.

01:58:18.000 That's what I need.

01:58:19.000 It's good to have different ideas.

01:58:20.000 No, it is great.

01:58:20.000 That's probably why it works so well.

01:58:22.000 It's also because he's putting that much more time into it.

01:58:25.000 Sometimes it's just a matter of how much more time are you putting into the material.

01:58:29.000 Because so many comics, they get their act, and then they just fuck off for the whole day, and then they look at their notes briefly before they go on stage, and then they go up.

01:58:38.000 But if you're working on it like that, where you have a group of guys, and you're saying, hey, that bit about the pot and the kettle and all that jazz, and write that, and what about the bit about the parking ramp?

01:58:49.000 And, you know, you just go over the material and just that much more focus, that much more time.

01:58:55.000 He's a guy who took, I think Chris took like 10 years off of stand-up.

01:59:00.000 I think he took a long time.

01:59:01.000 He did take a break.

01:59:04.000 He did take a break.

01:59:05.000 He was doing a lot of movies.

01:59:06.000 He was still working, movies and stuff, but he took a long-ass time from stand-up.

01:59:11.000 Yeah.

01:59:13.000 Yeah.

01:59:14.000 And I think that probably just shows you how great he is because he can take that much time off and come right back and be just as sharp.

01:59:18.000 Yeah.

01:59:19.000 I mean, I'm sure it took him a couple of...

01:59:20.000 I feel like that was a week...

01:59:21.000 And I'm not making this up.

01:59:22.000 Like a week off?

01:59:23.000 Whatever.

01:59:24.000 But like if I get...

01:59:26.000 I remember the only time I ever had two weeks off when we went to London.

01:59:30.000 It was...

01:59:30.000 It's always a week.

01:59:32.000 But I come back from a week, I'm like...

01:59:33.000 Like I kind of get a little...

01:59:35.000 Right.

01:59:36.000 But it comes right back, but it's usually like, it's always the second show I fuck up.

01:59:39.000 I come back and I nail the first one, and the second night, I'm like, what?

01:59:42.000 Yeah, cocky.

01:59:43.000 Second one, you're cocky.

01:59:44.000 But you think you already did the one, that should be fine.

01:59:46.000 Well, the first one, you're nervous.

01:59:48.000 Right, right.

01:59:48.000 And then you settle in, and then you fuck it up.

01:59:51.000 Yeah.

01:59:52.000 The second one, you get a little...

01:59:54.000 But I like writing.

01:59:55.000 I like, because people say, you know, when do you put in a joke?

02:00:00.000 Any second you think of it, you do it, right?

02:00:03.000 I don't sit down and...

02:00:04.000 I'm not a sit-down, write guy.

02:00:07.000 So what do you do?

02:00:07.000 You just, like, come up with an idea during the day and then jot it down?

02:00:11.000 Yeah, or at night, right.

02:00:11.000 But, like, you know, friends of ours, like Tom Green, we'll call him, he's like, what are you doing?

02:00:18.000 Or even his Instagram, he's like, I'm going to sit down and I'm going to write some jokes for a couple hours.

02:00:23.000 And I'm like, wow, in my 30s, I've never sat down with a pad of paper and a thing and said...

02:00:30.000 Let's write some jokes.

02:00:31.000 And just never.

02:00:32.000 I'd just be on a plane and go, ah, you've got to actively keep your mask up while you're eating a drink.

02:00:38.000 Something.

02:00:38.000 And then that night, boom, I'll do it.

02:00:41.000 And then if it works, it works.

02:00:42.000 It doesn't work.

02:00:43.000 It doesn't work.

02:00:44.000 Do you refine stuff, or do you feel like...

02:00:47.000 Oh, absolutely, yeah.

02:00:48.000 But it's always raw, and then it turns into, like, a whole...

02:00:50.000 Then you...

02:00:51.000 I mean, my crew, because I work...

02:00:53.000 But my crew say, wow, that bit's really coming together nicely.

02:00:58.000 But it takes a few times to work it out.

02:01:01.000 Like, I still don't sit down and write it out.

02:01:03.000 Like, Larry Miller used to write commas.

02:01:06.000 Yeah.

02:01:07.000 Oh, that's funny.

02:01:07.000 Oh, yeah.

02:01:08.000 Dashes and commas.

02:01:09.000 Yeah.

02:01:10.000 I was in a movie with him, and...

02:01:15.000 He gave me some great advice.

02:01:16.000 It's funny.

02:01:16.000 He's such a funny guy.

02:01:18.000 And I had been filming a couple days and he was the main guy in the movies, like the bad guy that's taking over the company.

02:01:25.000 And I'm doing the scene with him and I'm used to working theaters, you know, so I'm doing everything big, like, you know, like, but when you're in a movie, it's, you know, this, not this, right?

02:01:37.000 So I don't know this.

02:01:38.000 I've never been in a fucking movie.

02:01:39.000 I think I'm nailing it.

02:01:41.000 So we go to the dailies in the trailer and they start watching the dailies and there's one scene where Larry Miller literally just goes like that.

02:01:50.000 Just his eyebrows went up anyway.

02:01:53.000 And everybody fucking lost their shit, right?

02:01:55.000 And I look back and I said, I did all that.

02:01:57.000 No one, not always laughed or did any reaction to any of my scenes, but that one fucking scene.

02:02:03.000 So I said, why was that?

02:02:05.000 And he said, I'm going to give you some advice.

02:02:07.000 He says, you're used to working in theaters.

02:02:10.000 And back then I was doing all these big theaters.

02:02:12.000 And he said, you're in a movie.

02:02:13.000 It's got to be so small.

02:02:14.000 Work small.

02:02:15.000 And it was weird.

02:02:17.000 That day after I did that, I started doing little things as opposed to big things.

02:02:21.000 And it was amazing how different he made it for me.

02:02:24.000 But that first couple days, I think they even used any of that footage.

02:02:27.000 It was so bad.

02:02:28.000 Was that the first movie you did?

02:02:30.000 Ever.

02:02:30.000 And a star in it.

02:02:31.000 And have you ever done any since?

02:02:33.000 I did.

02:02:34.000 Yeah, I've done some smaller parts.

02:02:35.000 I didn't have a main role.

02:02:37.000 I just was telling people yesterday, I was on a Betty White and I did a Dennis the Menace movie.

02:02:43.000 And I was telling the crowd that I said, you know, I had the pleasure.

02:02:47.000 You know, it's funny about comedy too.

02:02:48.000 No matter what you say, they all think it's a joke.

02:02:51.000 And even if you say, you know, the night my dad died, I came and said, this is a weird night.

02:02:56.000 You know, my father passed away today, so it was just kind of an emotional night.

02:03:00.000 And everybody laughed.

02:03:02.000 And I remember coming off stage, and I was like, what the fuck?

02:03:06.000 Why do they think that's funny, though?

02:03:07.000 I think anything you say, or maybe it's just because it's me, they don't...

02:03:11.000 So the other night on stage, I said, you know, Betty White passed away, and everybody was like, oh, and they clapped.

02:03:16.000 And I said, Betty White and I did a film together, Dennis the Menace, and they all didn't believe it kind of thing.

02:03:22.000 I'm like, no, I did.

02:03:24.000 And then I told the story.

02:03:25.000 I was on the Tonight Show, and Betty White was on the show with me.

02:03:30.000 And this was maybe six, seven years ago.

02:03:33.000 And she was getting her makeup put on.

02:03:36.000 And I walked in, and I said, Hi, Betty.

02:03:39.000 I don't want to bother you.

02:03:40.000 I just wanted to say hi.

02:03:41.000 And she goes, Hi.

02:03:43.000 And she says...

02:03:47.000 I said, I'm on the show with you tonight.

02:03:48.000 I just wanted to say hi.

02:03:49.000 And she goes, oh, what do you do?

02:03:51.000 And I said, I'm a singer.

02:03:53.000 I'm a rapper.

02:03:53.000 And she goes, oh, I can't wait to see you, right?

02:03:57.000 I said, do you remember working on a movie with me?

02:04:00.000 And she said, oh, I feel so bad.

02:04:02.000 I'm sorry I don't.

02:04:04.000 And I said, oh, well, we did a movie with Dennis the Menace.

02:04:06.000 It was you and Don Rickles and me and a whole bunch of people.

02:04:10.000 And she goes, there was a movie about Dennis the Menace.

02:04:14.000 Oh, my God.

02:04:14.000 Yeah, you were in it.

02:04:15.000 I were in it.

02:04:17.000 But it was really cute because she didn't know not only who I was, do you remember filming with me?

02:04:23.000 But you don't have any movies you must have done?

02:04:24.000 Oh, no, I know.

02:04:25.000 And that's why I said, okay, well, you know, but no, it's sweet, but she didn't know there was a movie.

02:04:30.000 That's kind of funny.

02:04:32.000 Now, Rickles...

02:04:33.000 Better, this is great.

02:04:34.000 Oh, you met Rickles.

02:04:34.000 Oh, wait, no, I was in a movie with him.

02:04:35.000 That's right.

02:04:36.000 So, there's two Rickles things, real quickly.

02:04:38.000 So, I'm doing the Dennis the Menace, and there's a scene where I, I don't know, I'm dressed like an Indian.

02:04:43.000 I was all these, it was Bill Murray's brother, Brian Dole Murray and me, And I'm doing like this.

02:04:51.000 Every scene I'm a different character.

02:04:53.000 I was like an Indian.

02:04:55.000 I was an old guy and all these makeup things.

02:04:58.000 So most of the time I'd spend on the makeup trailer.

02:05:01.000 So it's a scene where I'm an Indian guy like, you know, we got to figure it out because we're trying to, you know, trick this Don Rickles that I'm, you know, whatever.

02:05:11.000 I have this root that we're trying to sell.

02:05:13.000 And so anyway, I did the scene cut and something didn't work.

02:05:18.000 The machine or something I was supposed to hold up didn't work.

02:05:20.000 So I said, fuck, that was a great scene too.

02:05:23.000 Fuck, that was a great take.

02:05:26.000 And Rickles comes over to me and says...

02:05:29.000 Give me a second.

02:05:29.000 I said, what?

02:05:31.000 Seriously, he walked me out and he said, don't ever curse on a movie set.

02:05:37.000 And I said, I'm sorry.

02:05:38.000 And he says, I love you and you're a good kid.

02:05:42.000 Just never curse on a – and I said, that's great advice.

02:05:46.000 I just – it slipped me.

02:05:48.000 Cut to the next scene.

02:05:50.000 No, literally.

02:05:51.000 No, we go to the thing and the next scene and he's ad-libbing with the entire crew.

02:05:57.000 But he's saying, oh, we got the Mexican here.

02:05:58.000 Yeah, the hubcaps are going on there.

02:06:00.000 Black guy, hold your wallet.

02:06:02.000 He was doing all this like racial, bad...

02:06:05.000 Like, worse than me saying fuck.

02:06:07.000 Right.

02:06:07.000 And I remember thinking, this is amazing.

02:06:10.000 Like, I got in trouble for saying fuck.

02:06:12.000 Oh, so he was serious.

02:06:13.000 He was, yeah.

02:06:14.000 I thought he was going to do the next scene and start swearing like crazy.

02:06:17.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

02:06:17.000 He never, no.

02:06:18.000 And then I saw him years ago, right before he died, literally, which is going to be weird again, there's like that, what do you call that Kevin Bacon separation thing?

02:06:26.000 Yeah.

02:06:26.000 I'm in some restaurant in L.A. Well, all the to-dos are there.

02:06:30.000 I mean, literally, there's like a guy from Motley Crue is there with Nikki Sixx.

02:06:34.000 Larry King.

02:06:36.000 Mrs. Brady, like, is the weirdest people in there, right?

02:06:40.000 I'm having dinner, and my agent says to me, I'm having dinner with him, and he says, you should go say hi to Don Rickles.

02:06:46.000 And I said, fuck, where's Don?

02:06:48.000 He says, right over there.

02:06:49.000 And I said, it was like 10 people.

02:06:51.000 Oh, God damn it.

02:06:53.000 I mean, you know, I'm kind of, believe it or not, in person, I'm kind of a shy, I don't want to walk in front of a fucking tent in there, you know, approaching him all night probably.

02:07:00.000 So I said, Don, hey Don, Carrot Top, and he looks at me, he says, He goes, really?

02:07:07.000 And I said, yeah.

02:07:08.000 He says, like I didn't see you coming from whatever, from Van Nuys?

02:07:11.000 And I said, yeah, I don't want to bother you.

02:07:12.000 He goes, well, that's too late.

02:07:13.000 You've already bothered me.

02:07:14.000 Now what?

02:07:14.000 And I said, I just wanted to say, do you remember working in the movie with me?

02:07:19.000 And he says, I've tried to forget everything we've ever done together.

02:07:22.000 Seriously, like not even missing a beat.

02:07:26.000 I've tried to forget everything we've ever done together.

02:07:28.000 Now this?

02:07:28.000 And I go, I'm sorry.

02:07:29.000 Have a good night.

02:07:29.000 Well, it's too late now.

02:07:30.000 You've already ruined my dinner and my appetite.

02:07:32.000 Everyone say hi to Karatsov.

02:07:33.000 And they'll go, hi.

02:07:34.000 And he's like, no.

02:07:35.000 And I tried to buy his dinner, but the other guy said, no, no.

02:07:38.000 I insist you can't.

02:07:39.000 Did you ever see the video of him and Frank Sinatra on Johnny Carson?

02:07:44.000 Oh, the bad one he said.

02:07:44.000 Where he was talking about the dinner?

02:07:46.000 Yeah.

02:07:47.000 Yeah.

02:07:47.000 See if you can find that.

02:07:49.000 Oh, it's classic.

02:07:51.000 It's classic.

02:07:52.000 Don Rickles.

02:07:56.000 He was eating dinner, and Don Rickles came over, and he, well, let's see if we can find the video, because it's very funny.

02:08:02.000 It's Frank Sinatra.

02:08:04.000 When you're in a romantic mood, and you're trying to make out, whose records do you put on?

02:08:11.000 That's funny.

02:08:12.000 What kind of music do you put on?

02:08:13.000 Look at the way he dressed back then.

02:08:14.000 Jesus Christ.

02:08:15.000 Look at that outfit.

02:08:17.000 I've spent a lot of nice evenings listening to your music, and I just wonder, I wonder who Frank listens to.

02:08:22.000 Do I play Jerry Fail or someone else?

02:08:30.000 Interesting concept.

02:08:31.000 Yes, it is.

02:08:31.000 But I can answer that by telling you that in those lovely moments, I play Daphnis and Chloe, or the Sunken Cathedral, the Engulfed Cathedral, all that kind of classy jazz.

02:08:43.000 I don't fool around with all that other stuff.

02:08:47.000 Hey, look, I know you're going to do another number with the band, because I know you've got a recording session tonight, and really, I'm going to have...

02:08:58.000 Just the way he would look at it.

02:09:00.000 Look how funny he is.

02:09:01.000 Look at him.

02:09:02.000 Yeah, he's just, right?

02:09:10.000 Genius, right?

02:09:11.000 Well, all geniuses, right?

02:09:13.000 Yeah, all of them.

02:09:14.000 Yeah, timing.

02:09:15.000 It's timing.

02:09:16.000 Just even look at his face.

02:09:17.000 Look at him.

02:09:18.000 Look at him.

02:09:19.000 Why don't you guys get with the band?

02:09:20.000 Why don't you guys get with the band?

02:09:22.000 Hey, Frank, it's good to see you.

02:09:24.000 I just was hanging around in the hall and they said, Frank Sinatra's here.

02:09:28.000 I've never met him, you know.

02:09:31.000 And I get the chills.

02:09:32.000 You'll excuse us, won't you?

02:09:33.000 Certainly, certainly.

02:09:35.000 Marco Mangonanzo was hurt.

02:09:40.000 Marco Mangonanzo, Fambino Bombazzo, two bullets in the head Thursday.

02:09:49.000 It was like an inside joke that Frank Sinatra was connected to the mob.

02:09:54.000 Not so inside either.

02:09:55.000 Everybody knew it.

02:09:56.000 Look at their boots.

02:09:59.000 Is the truck loaded?

02:10:01.000 Look at their boots.

02:10:02.000 Guido says hi.

02:10:03.000 He hasn't had a chance to talk to you.

02:10:05.000 And from Jersey City, your good friend Bubani Mbazzo.

02:10:11.000 What's his alias?

02:10:12.000 What's his alias?

02:10:14.000 He started his car with your album on, and now he's a highway.

02:10:24.000 Oh, that's funny.

02:10:25.000 But I tell you, I'm a Jew and you're an Italian, and here we have what?

02:10:31.000 And this is a great Irishman.

02:10:32.000 This is America.

02:10:33.000 Look how these microphones, right?

02:10:35.000 Yeah.

02:10:35.000 You see it hanging into the frame.

02:10:37.000 Oh, right.

02:10:38.000 Yeah.

02:10:39.000 Do you really know Frank?

02:10:40.000 And I want you to know, Frank, I worship you and I love you.

02:10:43.000 I really mean this, because since I'm a kid, I used to blow in girls' ears and hear you go, and do it my way.

02:10:52.000 I need a girl so bad.

02:10:56.000 I love my wife, but she's ill.

02:11:00.000 I love my wife, but she's ill.

02:11:02.000 This is a different world back then.

02:11:04.000 Yeah, the microphone.

02:11:15.000 And Barbara, his wife, is going, Frank, will you get a minute?

02:11:20.000 God bless you.

02:11:21.000 He just got my...

02:11:21.000 Hey, all the good things.

02:11:23.000 This is the most exciting night in the years that I've known Johnny Carson.

02:11:26.000 He started me on this show.

02:11:27.000 This is the most exciting night and I... So help me.

02:11:31.000 It's a great night.

02:11:32.000 He was even nervous because he came to me and said...

02:11:33.000 And I said...

02:11:37.000 You are a powerhouse and Frank, I love you.

02:11:47.000 Kissed right on the lips.

02:11:49.000 Again!

02:11:50.000 Jesus Christ!

02:11:51.000 Now get off me!

02:11:55.000 1976. Here it is.

02:11:58.000 Here's the story.

02:11:58.000 You may have known or heard about this.

02:12:00.000 It was a true story.

02:12:01.000 This was a long time ago, long before Don got married.

02:12:04.000 I was eating dinner in a restaurant in New York, and, uh...

02:12:09.000 I was sitting with some friends and he came over to the table and he said, Frank, do me a favor with you.

02:12:13.000 He said, I'm sitting with a very pretty girl and I'm trying to make out, you know.

02:12:18.000 And he said, I told her I know you and she really doesn't believe me.

02:12:20.000 Would you stop by the table?

02:12:21.000 I said, all right.

02:12:22.000 I was just about finished.

02:12:23.000 I was down to the expresso.

02:12:24.000 And finally he went back and I walked by the table and I said, how are you, Don?

02:12:28.000 Nice to see you.

02:12:29.000 He said, can't you see I'm eating, Frank?

02:12:34.000 And I went for the whole thing.

02:12:36.000 I stood with my mouth open.

02:12:39.000 How great is that?

02:12:41.000 It's pretty great, but YouTube fucks it up with those big screens in the bottom.

02:12:45.000 Like, you can watch this, or you can watch that, or...

02:12:48.000 Yeah.

02:12:48.000 Do you know the Billy Crystal one?

02:12:49.000 Which one?

02:12:50.000 It's pretty great.

02:12:51.000 Another one with Don Rickles?

02:12:52.000 No.

02:12:53.000 So, Billy Crystal...

02:12:53.000 I'm gonna mess this up.

02:12:56.000 Billy Crystal...

02:12:56.000 By the way, I was kind of...

02:13:00.000 I didn't grow up with Billy Crystal, and I didn't really...

02:13:02.000 And I went and saw him in Broadway when he did that 48 Sundays or 52 Sundays with his father, or whatever it's called, 54 Sundays.

02:13:11.000 What was it?

02:13:12.000 Well, it was on Broadway, but it was the most remarkable thing I've ever sat through in my life.

02:13:18.000 I mean, you laugh, you cry, and then you're laughing again, and then you're crying really hard.

02:13:21.000 And he couldn't have been nicer and took a picture of me after on the set, and anyway...

02:13:29.000 Big, huge Billy Crystal fan.

02:13:30.000 So anyway, I go back and I watch one of his, very similar to that.

02:13:35.000 So he said Red Foxx was going to play in Las Vegas.

02:13:39.000 And so he flew from LA to Vegas just to see Red Foxx.

02:13:43.000 It was like at midnight at the, you know, whatever, Stardust or whatever hotel was at the time.

02:13:47.000 And of course, he'll tell the story better, but he says, so I get on the plane, I go there, and I look and I say, oh shit, it's at midnight, so I have to set my alarm and take a nap.

02:13:57.000 So he sets his alarm for like 11.30, gets up, goes down, gets dressed, goes down to the club, walks into the comedy club where Fox was going to play.

02:14:05.000 And there's like four people.

02:14:07.000 So Billy's looking around.

02:14:08.000 He's like, wow, this is going to be weird.

02:14:11.000 And they say, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Red Fox.

02:14:14.000 And they play the...

02:14:15.000 Right, the music from the thing.

02:14:19.000 And he walks up and grabs the mic and he goes, fuck this shit.

02:14:22.000 And they play...

02:14:23.000 They walk him up.

02:14:25.000 And he's like, I flew all the way.

02:14:26.000 Billy, of course, does it way better...

02:14:30.000 But how great is that?

02:14:31.000 He walked, fuck this shit, threw the mic down, and he was like, well, I flew all the way here, and it couldn't happen.

02:14:38.000 I get it from Red Fox's perspective, but fuck.

02:14:42.000 It wasn't in a breezeway.

02:14:43.000 Can you imagine having the opportunity to see Red Fox live?

02:14:46.000 I think that's why Billy did that.

02:14:49.000 Yeah, and no one was there.

02:14:49.000 He was like, I gotta go watch this.

02:14:52.000 That's the days before social media.

02:14:53.000 You couldn't get anybody to come see a show.

02:14:56.000 They didn't know they were going to go see a legend.

02:14:58.000 Right.

02:14:58.000 You know?

02:14:59.000 But yeah, funny.

02:15:01.000 Red Foxx had a comedy club in LA, apparently, at one point in time.

02:15:04.000 Yeah, Richard Pryor used to play there, and there's some cassettes that I bought at a truck stop one day.

02:15:09.000 I love Richard Pryor, too, and Red Foxx.

02:15:11.000 There was shows that were recorded at Red Foxx's comedy club, and you can get them.

02:15:18.000 They're on YouTube, I believe.

02:15:20.000 Some of them are, at least.

02:15:22.000 And these recordings, they're really interesting because it's not...

02:15:26.000 It's not like the most produced recordings, but you hear glasses clink and you hear ice cubes and stuff, and Richard Pryor is fucking around.

02:15:34.000 Isn't that great?

02:15:35.000 Oh, it's amazing.

02:15:36.000 It's amazing.

02:15:38.000 He's riffing and ad-libbing on stage.

02:15:43.000 One of the funniest guys I think we ever had.

02:15:45.000 I mean, honestly.

02:15:46.000 Oh, yeah.

02:15:47.000 Groundbreaking, right?

02:15:48.000 Yeah.

02:15:49.000 He's certainly an argument as the GOAT. It's hard to say, like, who's the greatest because you have to always go back to, like, Lenny Bruce started it.

02:15:57.000 If it wasn't for Lenny Bruce, who knows where the art form of stand-up comedy would be today?

02:16:02.000 He broke all the rules, yep.

02:16:03.000 He was the first that does comedy the way we do comedy.

02:16:06.000 Like, we just talk about things and say what's on your mind, talk about social issues.

02:16:12.000 But Richard Pryor was the first to talk, like, personally about himself and make it vulnerable and really funny and really honest.

02:16:21.000 There's a scene out of the...

02:16:22.000 True.

02:16:23.000 There's a scene out of...

02:16:24.000 And I've been saying this for probably, like, two weeks now when I flew last...

02:16:29.000 My iPad, I'm the worst at technology.

02:16:32.000 I'm an old fuck.

02:16:32.000 I don't know how to download shit.

02:16:34.000 I don't know how to get on a plane.

02:16:36.000 I don't know how to get on their thing to watch movies.

02:16:39.000 So I have two movies on my iPad that I watched.

02:16:42.000 Well, one is a Queen documentary that I watched.

02:16:45.000 And then there's one Richard Pryor.

02:16:49.000 But it's an old movie.

02:16:52.000 California Suite.

02:16:53.000 California Suite.

02:16:54.000 And there's a scene you should watch with Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby that from the beginning to the end, it's like five...

02:17:03.000 Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby?

02:17:04.000 No, no.

02:17:06.000 Sorry.

02:17:06.000 Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor.

02:17:09.000 Oh, okay.

02:17:09.000 And the scene is fucking great.

02:17:11.000 Their car breaks down.

02:17:13.000 They got their wives with him.

02:17:14.000 And from the beginning to the end, he's like, he slams the hood.

02:17:19.000 He says, didn't the man just say, don't slam the hood?

02:17:23.000 Not a bad Cosby.

02:17:24.000 It's not good.

02:17:27.000 It's right up there with Eugene Simmons.

02:17:28.000 Did the man just say nothing in the mood?

02:17:31.000 And he says, if you can find, I'm telling you, it's brilliant, not only just the writing of it, Timing.

02:17:41.000 It's timing and how they fucking, and I think the movie's okay, but I mean, you go back and you're watching, it's like, God damn, it's funny, but now the key's in the car.

02:17:48.000 Who locked the keys?

02:17:49.000 They go, I know, I didn't lock the keys in the car.

02:17:51.000 The guy said, now the keys are in the car.

02:17:53.000 Well, how are we going to get the keys?

02:17:54.000 And it just goes, and then all of a sudden you're driving, there's a big hole in the thing.

02:17:57.000 He's like, I'm not paying for the fucking, it's just, it's great for me.

02:18:00.000 You think you could find that one?

02:18:01.000 California Suite, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby.

02:18:04.000 How long is it?

02:18:06.000 Not long.

02:18:07.000 Why, you running out of time?

02:18:08.000 No.

02:18:08.000 You got dinner plans?

02:18:09.000 No, just...

02:18:10.000 I don't know if this is the right scene.

02:18:12.000 No, that's not the right one, yeah.

02:18:13.000 It's on the highway.

02:18:14.000 Put the highway.

02:18:14.000 But this is the movie.

02:18:15.000 Wow, what year was that?

02:18:17.000 78. 78. Yeah, highway one.

02:18:19.000 Although every scene they do together is great, but the highway one, for some reason, makes me laugh because it just starts right from the beginning.

02:18:27.000 It's not too long.

02:18:27.000 It's like two minutes.

02:18:28.000 Oh, fine.

02:18:28.000 I don't know.

02:18:29.000 Sorry.

02:18:29.000 It's like two minutes long.

02:18:31.000 It's not long.

02:18:31.000 But it's a great...

02:18:32.000 I don't know.

02:18:32.000 You look back and you think, God damn it, how funny they were.

02:18:36.000 Well, you also have to think, if it's 1978, right?

02:18:39.000 Like, how long have they been doing comedy movies?

02:18:42.000 Like, what was the first comedy movie?

02:18:44.000 Was it like...

02:18:45.000 Oh, you mean for them?

02:18:45.000 For anybody.

02:18:48.000 That's a great question.

02:18:49.000 What was it?

02:18:49.000 Because if you think comedy movies, they really...

02:18:54.000 I mean, was it Laurel and Hardy?

02:18:56.000 Was it the Marx Brothers?

02:18:57.000 Yeah.

02:18:57.000 What year do you think the Marx Brothers were?

02:19:00.000 I have all the Marx Brothers tapes.

02:19:02.000 I love the Marx Brothers, yeah.

02:19:04.000 That's what, 30s?

02:19:06.000 Yeah, 30s.

02:19:07.000 Buck Soup is 33. 33, yeah, dang.

02:19:09.000 So that is only like 45 years after kind of the earliest.

02:19:14.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:19:16.000 Buster Keaton, I guess, was probably earlier than that, right?

02:19:19.000 Yeah.

02:19:19.000 Buster Keaton was wild because he did all his own stunts.

02:19:23.000 Michael, he was Batman, right?

02:19:24.000 That's Michael Keaton.

02:19:25.000 No, that's Michael Keaton.

02:19:26.000 You son of a bitch.

02:19:28.000 Buster Keaton.

02:19:29.000 I have a Michael Keaton story when I hear it.

02:19:30.000 It's great.

02:19:31.000 Okay.

02:19:33.000 This is great about this.

02:19:35.000 Honestly, so this is not a joke.

02:19:36.000 So I go to a U2 concert in Vegas, right?

02:19:39.000 And everyone, it's a stadium, right?

02:19:41.000 They put all these celebrities in this little fucking pit.

02:19:44.000 So everyone's screaming.

02:19:46.000 It was like Sigourney, all these people, it's weird.

02:19:48.000 It's like 20 years ago.

02:19:50.000 Everyone's like, character, right?

02:19:52.000 And I'm saying hi to everybody, and I look next to me, and it's Michael Keaton.

02:19:57.000 And he's not only baffled, but he just doesn't understand who I am, what the fuck, because, you know, everyone in Vegas is, character?

02:20:07.000 No idea.

02:20:08.000 So I'm a risk taker, right?

02:20:10.000 We're a young comic, and he looks over at me, and he says...

02:20:14.000 Who the fuck are you?

02:20:16.000 And I grabbed his shirt and said, I'm Batman.

02:20:18.000 No, he was not happy.

02:20:20.000 And the guy from R.E.M., Michael Stipe, fucking lost his shit.

02:20:26.000 He's like, God damn it, dude.

02:20:28.000 That was fucking great.

02:20:29.000 He said, you saw that?

02:20:29.000 I said, I don't think he was happy.

02:20:30.000 Fuck him, man.

02:20:31.000 I went, I'm Batman.

02:20:34.000 He set me up perfectly.

02:20:35.000 Who are you?

02:20:36.000 Oh, here we go.

02:20:37.000 All right, this is a funny scene.

02:20:38.000 I think you're going to...

02:20:39.000 Just watch the beats.

02:20:44.000 1978. This is such a great scene.

02:20:45.000 Well, that's just fine.

02:20:46.000 Unless you're making a pot of tea, I think we're in big trouble.

02:20:49.000 I didn't build a car.

02:20:50.000 I just sold it.

02:20:50.000 I actually don't think we can play this whole thing.

02:20:53.000 Okay.

02:20:53.000 Because of...

02:20:54.000 We're just waiting to...

02:20:56.000 Slam the HUD! I looked at the gauge more and I looked at the road.

02:20:59.000 I ran off the road.

02:21:00.000 I did not run off the gauge.

02:21:01.000 If you looked at the gauge, it wouldn't have overheated.

02:21:04.000 Looking at the gays real good, stops it from overheating?

02:21:06.000 No, but you've got to speak up.

02:21:09.000 You've got to say, hey, the gays says we're overheating.

02:21:11.000 This is not the kind of news that you keep to yourself.

02:21:14.000 No, I hate rental cars.

02:21:14.000 Why don't we just leave it here?

02:21:16.000 At least get to the hood part.

02:21:17.000 I hate rental cars.

02:21:23.000 Oh, God.

02:21:24.000 Did the man just say he didn't slam the hood?

02:21:26.000 What's the matter with the doors?

02:21:28.000 Didn't the man say not to slam the hood down?

02:21:31.000 Didn't the man say the doors sometimes lock when you slam the hood down?

02:21:36.000 Did the man say I would burn my hand?

02:21:38.000 The car's got the keys.

02:21:42.000 Why didn't you take the keys?

02:21:44.000 I only went from my seat to the hood.

02:21:46.000 I thought it would be safe.

02:21:47.000 If you're on this side, stand over there.

02:21:48.000 What fool closed the window?

02:21:50.000 That food closed the windows.

02:21:52.000 Even with my eyes on the gauge, I saw that food close the windows.

02:21:55.000 The air conditioning doesn't work with open windows.

02:21:58.000 Well, now the car doesn't work with closed windows, does it, food?

02:22:03.000 Smile, everybody!

02:22:04.000 We're in Los Angeles!

02:22:08.000 Different time I wonder I wonder I wonder to like you said that like With with movies and comedy and all that you have to really think it's like they were best friends Yeah, they were they just they wouldn't even like it was ad-lib was perfect It was a different time in about like what's funny and what's not to like things were funny people were more innocent then than they were now Well,

02:22:33.000 remember Eddie Murphy's special when he said about Bill Cosby calling it, remember?

02:22:37.000 Yes.

02:22:37.000 Right?

02:22:38.000 Yeah.

02:22:38.000 Well, he's working with the original potty mouth guy.

02:22:43.000 Well, yeah, I mean, he's the guy he called.

02:22:45.000 That's who Eddie Murphy called.

02:22:47.000 No, he called and he said, did the people laugh?

02:22:49.000 Did you get paid?

02:22:52.000 Have a coconut smile and shut the fuck up.

02:22:54.000 Well, it's funny because that's similar to Don Rickles telling you not to swear.

02:22:58.000 Yeah, it was really weird.

02:23:00.000 Well, people, like, Bill Cosby was a stickler for that, too.

02:23:02.000 People thought that there was, like, rules that everyone had to observe.

02:23:06.000 Because at one point in time, if you had to work, you really did have to observe those rules.

02:23:10.000 Like, you couldn't swear.

02:23:12.000 You know, when Don Rickles was telling you this, I mean, he's talking about, like, life in the 60s.

02:23:17.000 In the 50s, you know?

02:23:18.000 And I think he really didn't curse.

02:23:20.000 Yeah, I thought you were thinking the story was going to go where he went on an F-bomb rage after.

02:23:24.000 But no, he was serious.

02:23:25.000 And then he went on to this whole different thing that was so inappropriate.

02:23:28.000 Well, it's so weird that back then, swear words were so meaningful.

02:23:34.000 They had so much impact.

02:23:35.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:23:36.000 I mean, today, it's just a commonplace thing for someone to say, fuck.

02:23:40.000 And most shows have swear words in them.

02:23:43.000 Yeah.

02:23:44.000 Especially nowadays, right.

02:23:45.000 Even network television is kind of like...

02:23:48.000 Yeah, because of cable and because of the internet and Netflix and all that jazz.

02:23:53.000 But back then, if you wanted to work on television, you had to be fucking clean.

02:23:57.000 Do you remember in the 80s?

02:23:59.000 People would tell you, hey, you got to work clean.

02:24:01.000 Yeah, cruise ship clean, that kind of stuff.

02:24:03.000 It'll fuck up your act.

02:24:03.000 State fairs.

02:24:04.000 Fuck up your career.

02:24:05.000 Yeah, and I used to do an hour shows in front of state fairs with kids of all ages.

02:24:11.000 It was a comedy club way back in the South when I worked.

02:24:14.000 I thought that was pretty funny.

02:24:16.000 The club owner said to me, I did the first night, and the next night I came in to set up, and he says, maybe you've heard this term, but he says, Could you maybe pull the fucks a bit?

02:24:30.000 I said, what do you mean?

02:24:31.000 Pull them.

02:24:32.000 Like, say, uh-huh.

02:24:34.000 But not, say, fuck, but don't, I'm not making, I said, what do you mean?

02:24:37.000 He's like, just like, pull them a little bit.

02:24:39.000 Just saying, fuck, just kind of like- The owner's telling you this?

02:24:42.000 Yeah.

02:24:42.000 And I remember thinking, how do you pull your fuck?

02:24:45.000 Get the fuck out of here, like that.

02:24:49.000 But some jokes you need, that's the whole joke where you say fuck, right?

02:24:53.000 You've got to say fuck, but it's not funny.

02:24:54.000 Right, yeah.

02:24:55.000 Not every joke needs a fuck, but there's some you've got to say fuck.

02:24:58.000 Yeah, like you lock your keys in the car.

02:25:01.000 Yeah.

02:25:01.000 Fuck!

02:25:02.000 Yeah.

02:25:02.000 You can't say...

02:25:03.000 Well, didn't the man say not to slam the wood?

02:25:07.000 Yeah.

02:25:07.000 No, you gotta say the word you mean.

02:25:10.000 Yeah.

02:25:12.000 Well, this is Scott.

02:25:13.000 That was a good time, man.

02:25:14.000 I'm glad we got to meet.

02:25:15.000 Thank you.

02:25:16.000 Glad we got to hang out.

02:25:16.000 Yeah, thanks for listening to all my stupid shit.

02:25:18.000 It was a lot of fun.

02:25:19.000 It was.

02:25:19.000 We went through five bottles of booze.

02:25:22.000 We had a good time.

02:25:23.000 A couple cigars, half a joint.

02:25:24.000 If people want to see you in Vegas, what's the best way they can buy tickets?

02:25:28.000 Probably Luxor, I think.

02:25:31.000 Or CarrotTop.com.

02:25:32.000 Okay, so you can buy tickets.

02:25:33.000 I think you can.

02:25:35.000 I've never...

02:25:36.000 I don't know.

02:25:36.000 I think so.

02:25:37.000 But yeah, Luxor, every night...

02:25:40.000 Every night except Sunday.

02:25:41.000 Oh, there we go.

02:25:42.000 Look at you, fella.

02:25:43.000 Look at that.

02:25:44.000 Your hair changes color sometimes.

02:25:46.000 It does.

02:25:47.000 Well, that's just, yeah.

02:25:48.000 I put some green and some purple and pink in there for the New Year's Eve.

02:25:51.000 Carrattop.com.

02:25:52.000 Yeah, Carrattop.com.

02:25:53.000 Buy Vegas tickets.

02:25:53.000 There you go.

02:25:54.000 So six nights a week, most weeks.

02:25:56.000 Yeah, we take off a little bit here and there, but we're there for most of the year.

02:26:00.000 And if someone wants to see you when you're on the road, all that schedule's up on Carrattop.

02:26:03.000 Yeah, we'll be on there as well.

02:26:04.000 Yeah, we're going to be in a whole bunch of places coming up.

02:26:07.000 Okay, so Carrot Top.com and then Instagram.

02:26:10.000 Are you on Twitter, too?

02:26:12.000 Yep, Twitter.

02:26:12.000 Twitter.

02:26:13.000 Carrot Top.

02:26:14.000 I think they're all Carrot Top, I think.

02:26:16.000 Well, thanks, brother.

02:26:16.000 Thank you, buddy.

02:26:17.000 It was very, very good to meet you.

02:26:18.000 It was a lot of fun.

02:26:19.000 It was.

02:26:20.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - January 04, 2022

Joe Rogan Experience #1758 - Carrot Top

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