The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1764 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!

00:00:11.000 Hey, we're up and running to the cuddle party.

00:00:14.000 Hey, comedy.

00:00:19.000 There we go, Gil!

00:00:20.000 So what are we calling this?

00:00:21.000 Are we calling this Protect Our Parks?

00:00:23.000 I think it's Protect Our Parks.

00:00:24.000 We need a better name.

00:00:25.000 We didn't do a good job protecting the last one.

00:00:27.000 What happened to the park?

00:00:27.000 It's gone.

00:00:29.000 50 acres, just a dirt pile now.

00:00:31.000 That is so crazy that they allowed them to do that.

00:00:34.000 They just totally did that.

00:00:36.000 You know nobody in the city voted for that.

00:00:38.000 Not a single person!

00:00:41.000 Fucking evil, man.

00:00:42.000 It's evil.

00:00:43.000 There's definitely a prison in there or high-rises in no time.

00:00:46.000 What is the general consensus about the new mayor of New York?

00:00:49.000 Oh, it's bad already.

00:00:50.000 I saw people get mad at him.

00:00:51.000 I think it seems nice.

00:00:52.000 I saw people get mad at him and he says, we have to protect the low-wage employees.

00:00:55.000 Because he's like, the people at Dunkin' Donuts.

00:00:57.000 And he goes, they're not educated.

00:00:58.000 They're not smart enough to be in a corner office.

00:01:00.000 And everyone's like, what?

00:01:01.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:01:03.000 His point was protect them.

00:01:04.000 But the way he said it, people were like, what's that supposed to mean?

00:01:06.000 You've got to protect these morons.

00:01:08.000 But he's hired his brother, and he gave him like half a mil.

00:01:11.000 $250,000.

00:01:12.000 There you go.

00:01:13.000 His last job, I think, was parking cars.

00:01:15.000 Oh, really?

00:01:16.000 How much did he get for that?

00:01:17.000 Just whatever you can clear out of the middle?

00:01:20.000 That's a nice thing, though.

00:01:21.000 That's what you want in your leader.

00:01:23.000 Somebody who's willing to hook his brother up.

00:01:25.000 I don't want a guy who wouldn't hook his brother up.

00:01:27.000 Right, I don't want a guy who shits on his brother.

00:01:29.000 That's what they said about Cuomo.

00:01:30.000 They're like, why'd you hook your brother up?

00:01:31.000 What?

00:01:32.000 It's his brother!

00:01:32.000 What are you talking about?

00:01:34.000 I think it's the way he did it, though, right?

00:01:36.000 Wasn't the Cuomo thing?

00:01:37.000 Too Italian.

00:01:37.000 He was using his influence to, like, gather information about his accusers.

00:01:44.000 Mmm, that's a good bro.

00:01:45.000 That's a good bro.

00:01:46.000 You're supposed to do that.

00:01:47.000 You're just supposed to shut the fuck up about it and not put it on Gmail.

00:01:50.000 Yeah.

00:01:50.000 Ooh, you gotta go Yahoo, baby.

00:01:52.000 Everything on Gmail is now up for everybody.

00:01:54.000 Signal.

00:01:54.000 Go to Signal.

00:01:55.000 What's Signal?

00:01:55.000 That's what the drug dealers use.

00:01:57.000 No, fucking insurrectionists.

00:01:59.000 Oh, everybody.

00:02:01.000 Disappearing messages.

00:02:02.000 To the one year.

00:02:03.000 To the one-year anniversary of the greatest upset.

00:02:08.000 It was the greatest upset in sports.

00:02:10.000 Nobody saw it coming.

00:02:12.000 They just did throw in Buster Douglas as the greatest upset.

00:02:15.000 A couple of them climbed that wall pretty good.

00:02:17.000 I mean, it was impressive.

00:02:18.000 They were out of shape.

00:02:19.000 Those were the feds.

00:02:20.000 Yeah.

00:02:21.000 Oh.

00:02:21.000 The ones that scaled it were the feds.

00:02:22.000 Did you fucking see the thing where Ted Cruz is grilling that lady from the FBI and he asked her, the whole, runs the gamut of, were federal agents involved in any violence?

00:02:32.000 We can't answer that.

00:02:33.000 Were federal agents involved in inciting violence or trying to court?

00:02:39.000 We can't answer that.

00:02:40.000 Yeah.

00:02:41.000 You should always ask a follow-up question, like, is Coke the same as Sprite?

00:02:45.000 And I'll be like, no.

00:02:46.000 Okay, that's your baseline.

00:02:47.000 Right.

00:02:48.000 So then, we can't answer this.

00:02:51.000 What does that mean?

00:02:52.000 We can't answer this.

00:02:55.000 Oh, God.

00:02:55.000 Who knows?

00:02:56.000 We have a fucking distinct lack of marijuana in this room.

00:02:59.000 Uh-oh.

00:03:00.000 We've made an error.

00:03:01.000 I'll be right back.

00:03:03.000 Talk amongst yourselves.

00:03:04.000 Oh, you got some?

00:03:04.000 Hey!

00:03:05.000 Whoa!

00:03:07.000 I got hit hard by that.

00:03:09.000 That one hurt.

00:03:10.000 He sucker punched me with that.

00:03:12.000 I'll be right back.

00:03:12.000 Talk amongst yourself.

00:03:14.000 The park went down.

00:03:16.000 Ari's a real dickhead.

00:03:17.000 I don't even watch the news.

00:03:18.000 I haven't seen any news stories since Larry Nassar.

00:03:21.000 You don't watch it.

00:03:22.000 It's so smart not to.

00:03:23.000 Sorry, NASA wasn't great.

00:03:25.000 I mean, that was the peak.

00:03:25.000 I got out.

00:03:26.000 You saw NASA and you were like, I'm done.

00:03:27.000 This is good.

00:03:28.000 I got enough.

00:03:29.000 What's the news?

00:03:30.000 There's nothing for me there.

00:03:33.000 Somehow it involved Me Too and sports.

00:03:35.000 It's a good combo.

00:03:35.000 That's true.

00:03:36.000 That should be a sport.

00:03:38.000 Me Too.

00:03:39.000 Yeah, the Me Too Olympics.

00:03:41.000 Let's call...

00:03:42.000 What's that?

00:03:43.000 University?

00:03:44.000 Penn State?

00:03:45.000 They're doing good.

00:03:47.000 Was it Penn State with Sandusky?

00:03:48.000 Yeah, it's Sandusky.

00:03:49.000 Penn State, yeah.

00:03:50.000 They really let that other guy go, huh?

00:03:51.000 The dead one?

00:03:52.000 Jopa.

00:03:53.000 Jopa.

00:03:54.000 You knew something!

00:03:55.000 He died on the spot.

00:03:57.000 He got lung cancer and died right away.

00:04:00.000 What?

00:04:01.000 From misery.

00:04:02.000 From grief.

00:04:03.000 Yeah, he checked out.

00:04:03.000 I think it's a Dave Attell joke.

00:04:05.000 He's like, but were they playing better?

00:04:08.000 Something like that.

00:04:09.000 They really did have a good defense.

00:04:10.000 I love Sandusky.

00:04:11.000 He had a...

00:04:11.000 Not in the shower.

00:04:12.000 In his backyard faced a kindergarten or something like that, or a playground, and he's like, I just like to go out there and watch the kids afterwards.

00:04:17.000 I'm like, wait, don't do that.

00:04:18.000 He goes, why?

00:04:19.000 You're like, what?

00:04:20.000 This pod is so much better without Rogan.

00:04:22.000 Oh, man.

00:04:24.000 Joking!

00:04:25.000 Joking!

00:04:27.000 All right, put it away.

00:04:29.000 Get the weed.

00:04:31.000 He dosed you.

00:04:32.000 We were just talking about Sandusky.

00:04:34.000 Yeah, remember him?

00:04:35.000 Oh, yeah.

00:04:36.000 He was good.

00:04:37.000 Is he in jail?

00:04:38.000 I think he's dead.

00:04:39.000 No, Paterno's dead.

00:04:41.000 He's in jail.

00:04:42.000 I thought he died in jail or something.

00:04:44.000 He got asked to be transferred to a juvenile facility.

00:04:47.000 He identifies as a kid.

00:04:50.000 Well, they're doing that now with male prisoners who are transgender.

00:04:54.000 They're putting them in female prisons.

00:04:56.000 And a lot of them are, like, guilty of sexual assault, and they're putting them in prison with females.

00:05:00.000 And all they gotta do is say, hey, say you're a chick.

00:05:04.000 It's a smart move.

00:05:04.000 I mean, why wouldn't you do that?

00:05:05.000 Well, one guy did, and then immediately upon release started identifying as a man again.

00:05:10.000 Damn.

00:05:10.000 Like, literally identify as a woman.

00:05:12.000 You gotta give that guy some respect.

00:05:13.000 Yeah, respect.

00:05:14.000 Well, he gamed the system.

00:05:15.000 But the system is really fucking stupid.

00:05:17.000 Yikes.

00:05:18.000 It's such a dumb...

00:05:18.000 It's like, what a dumb thing this identity politics has given us.

00:05:22.000 This ability for a sexual offender to just change their gender by saying, I identify with a woman.

00:05:29.000 You keep your dick.

00:05:30.000 You don't have to get an operation.

00:05:31.000 You don't have to get hormone treatments.

00:05:33.000 There should be some sort of test, like becoming a citizen.

00:05:36.000 Should be a test.

00:05:36.000 You have to know some stuff about womanhood.

00:05:38.000 Some menstruation stuff.

00:05:39.000 Golden Girls.

00:05:40.000 Name a purse.

00:05:41.000 Name three purses.

00:05:43.000 Yes.

00:05:44.000 One Sex and the City character.

00:05:46.000 Manolo something.

00:05:47.000 Which one of the Sex and the City was a slut?

00:05:49.000 Kim Cattrall.

00:05:50.000 Kim Cattrall was the real slut.

00:05:51.000 Yeah, you gotta be able to say that.

00:05:52.000 Oh, right, right, right, right, right.

00:05:54.000 Samantha.

00:05:55.000 Were they all sluts?

00:05:55.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:05:57.000 They were all pretty slutty.

00:05:58.000 No, one was like very...

00:05:59.000 How come she wasn't in the new one?

00:06:01.000 Because she's got some fucking...

00:06:03.000 Because women hate women?

00:06:04.000 Integrity.

00:06:05.000 Is that what it is?

00:06:05.000 No, she goes, we did it.

00:06:08.000 They were fighting or something.

00:06:09.000 No, she was like, we did it.

00:06:11.000 We had a whole run.

00:06:12.000 Why are we revisiting this?

00:06:13.000 Have you seen the new season?

00:06:15.000 Pretty wild.

00:06:16.000 Yo, you see the stand-up scene in it?

00:06:18.000 No.

00:06:19.000 You gotta see it.

00:06:19.000 It's horrific.

00:06:20.000 It's like 10 minutes long.

00:06:22.000 Is Sex and the City a stand-up now?

00:06:24.000 There's a stand-up.

00:06:25.000 They go see a show.

00:06:26.000 She's trans.

00:06:27.000 Yeah, they see a trans woman do stand-up.

00:06:29.000 Oh, Christ.

00:06:29.000 No, I don't know if she's trans.

00:06:31.000 She's genderless.

00:06:32.000 Oh, non-binary, really?

00:06:33.000 Oh, she doesn't even exist.

00:06:35.000 What prison do they go to?

00:06:37.000 So why are you saying she?

00:06:38.000 True.

00:06:39.000 You say zay, you piece of shit.

00:06:40.000 Alright, I apologize.

00:06:41.000 The fuck is wrong with you?

00:06:42.000 You're in trouble.

00:06:43.000 You gotta learn the new rules, bro.

00:06:45.000 If you want to operate in today's society, what, are you scared of weed?

00:06:48.000 I hate weed, dude.

00:06:48.000 It's for genderless people.

00:06:51.000 I'm straight as hell, dude.

00:06:54.000 Oh, I better not.

00:06:56.000 Did you do it?

00:06:57.000 No, I can't.

00:06:58.000 I'll just hug my knees and mumble.

00:07:01.000 Well, could you please do that?

00:07:02.000 That would make me happy.

00:07:02.000 That would be pretty cool.

00:07:03.000 No, no, I can't.

00:07:04.000 Maybe later on.

00:07:04.000 We'll wear off in an hour.

00:07:05.000 It'd be fun to watch you.

00:07:06.000 It's not pretty.

00:07:07.000 We'll wear off in four hours.

00:07:08.000 It's just me and you, Ari.

00:07:09.000 These pussies.

00:07:11.000 Man, I already got the Glenlivet cooking.

00:07:13.000 This is good stuff, right?

00:07:14.000 Glenlivet 18 is not bad.

00:07:14.000 18 years old.

00:07:15.000 Not bad.

00:07:16.000 So, save our parks or cuddle party?

00:07:18.000 What's the consensus?

00:07:19.000 What else can we name?

00:07:20.000 We can branch out a little bit.

00:07:21.000 Four cunts.

00:07:22.000 That's not bad.

00:07:23.000 The four cunts of the apocalypse.

00:07:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:27.000 That's a good name for sex in the city.

00:07:28.000 Let's see.

00:07:30.000 Toxic non-gender specific.

00:07:32.000 Yeah.

00:07:33.000 Humans.

00:07:34.000 Non-binary.

00:07:37.000 Asexual.

00:07:38.000 Queefs.

00:07:39.000 Queefs, yeah.

00:07:40.000 I vote no name.

00:07:42.000 Queefer Sutherland.

00:07:43.000 You have what?

00:07:44.000 No name.

00:07:45.000 No name?

00:07:45.000 Like Prince?

00:07:46.000 We can't code name.

00:07:47.000 No names for us?

00:07:48.000 Okay.

00:07:48.000 Well, you know what we could do?

00:07:50.000 We could just internally call ourselves different things.

00:07:52.000 We could secretly call ourselves fun things.

00:07:54.000 All the time.

00:07:55.000 Absolutely.

00:07:56.000 Like our text message thread is now protect our parks.

00:07:59.000 Which I'm strongly opposed to.

00:08:00.000 He's not going to be on this show.

00:08:01.000 I'm strongly opposed to that.

00:08:02.000 Started with Ari's idea, which I like the best, is cuddle party.

00:08:06.000 Because you want to call, like, the cancel crew or something.

00:08:09.000 I'm like, man, it's too leaning into it.

00:08:10.000 I think it's like, I got a big dick.

00:08:12.000 You want to call, I got a big dick.

00:08:14.000 Look at my chest.

00:08:15.000 Tony, we go with the Klan.

00:08:17.000 The Klan?

00:08:18.000 Yeah.

00:08:18.000 How about guys?

00:08:19.000 Guys Klan.

00:08:21.000 Yeah.

00:08:21.000 Guys Klan.

00:08:22.000 Just guys.

00:08:23.000 Four rebels.

00:08:23.000 Four guys in a Klan.

00:08:24.000 But spelled with a K. Mmm.

00:08:25.000 Mmm.

00:08:27.000 Yeah.

00:08:27.000 Shut up.

00:08:28.000 The Dude Clucks clan.

00:08:30.000 Interesting.

00:08:31.000 Dude Cucks.

00:08:33.000 Cucks.

00:08:33.000 Dude Cucks.

00:08:34.000 Yeah.

00:08:35.000 Cucks.

00:08:35.000 Cuckerberg.

00:08:36.000 Yeah.

00:08:37.000 Cucks is good.

00:08:38.000 You guys are dorks.

00:08:39.000 Four Woke Cucks.

00:08:41.000 Yeah.

00:08:41.000 Four Woke Cucks.

00:08:42.000 Alright, we're getting somewhere.

00:08:43.000 The Mighty Cucks.

00:08:44.000 The Mighty Cucks.

00:08:46.000 Oh yeah, the Anaheim Mighty Cucks.

00:08:48.000 That's right.

00:08:48.000 Yeah.

00:08:49.000 Was that the first time a sports team was ever named after a movie?

00:08:51.000 I think so.

00:08:52.000 The raptors also was right around then.

00:08:54.000 It was around Jurassic Park, you're right.

00:08:56.000 Was it really?

00:08:56.000 Yeah.

00:08:57.000 Do you know that raptors, those raptors are really little?

00:08:59.000 They're not big like that.

00:09:01.000 Really?

00:09:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:09:01.000 Apparently Steven Spielberg was consulting with a dinosaur expert and he found out how little the raptors were and he's like, that's not going to work.

00:09:08.000 We need them to be big.

00:09:10.000 So he made them like seven feet tall.

00:09:12.000 But real raptors are like 24 inches tall.

00:09:14.000 They're like tiny little things.

00:09:15.000 Make sure that's true.

00:09:19.000 I don't think they're very big.

00:09:20.000 They're very ferocious.

00:09:21.000 They can open doors.

00:09:23.000 Two feet tall.

00:09:25.000 Clever girl.

00:09:25.000 Yeah, that's good.

00:09:26.000 I saw that in the theater.

00:09:27.000 It scared the shit out of me.

00:09:28.000 I was 10 years old.

00:09:28.000 What a good movie that was.

00:09:29.000 Great movie.

00:09:29.000 In the theater, when you saw the first dinosaur, it's like, what?

00:09:32.000 Unreal.

00:09:33.000 When the T-Rex comes over the fence, when you see the goat is missing and the T-Rex comes over the fence.

00:09:37.000 I was sad about that goat.

00:09:40.000 That fucking sound.

00:09:42.000 That's how they feed Kirstie Alley.

00:09:45.000 That's a crazy reference.

00:09:50.000 Veronica's Closet?

00:09:52.000 She was a big target for a while.

00:09:53.000 She came away and people were like, I'm a big target.

00:09:59.000 Who's the new fat person to make fun of?

00:10:01.000 See, that's how big they were.

00:10:02.000 They were little.

00:10:03.000 I gotta up my references.

00:10:04.000 The real recent velociraptors are so big in Jurassic Park.

00:10:07.000 Yeah, it's just because Steven Spielberg.

00:10:09.000 You go Lizzo.

00:10:10.000 Oh, there you go.

00:10:11.000 She was always that.

00:10:13.000 You need someone who wasn't fat and that became.

00:10:15.000 Well, you know what's funny is when they're fat, and then they lose weight, and then everybody gets mad at them, like Adele.

00:10:20.000 Yeah, that is weird.

00:10:22.000 The big girls are mad.

00:10:23.000 You are our hero.

00:10:24.000 Yeah, you are us, and now you're not.

00:10:26.000 You're another hot girl.

00:10:27.000 Why did you put that burger down?

00:10:29.000 You fucking bitch.

00:10:31.000 Cuck Liddell?

00:10:34.000 I've been sitting on that for 20 minutes.

00:10:38.000 It's a funny thing when people do better with their life and the people that love them don't go, that's awesome!

00:10:45.000 I'm gonna do that too.

00:10:46.000 Look, she can do it.

00:10:47.000 If Adele can do it, I can do it too.

00:10:48.000 I'll be honest, I don't like it.

00:10:50.000 I don't like it one bit.

00:10:51.000 Why?

00:10:52.000 When I see somebody start dressing cool and being handsome.

00:10:55.000 You can't relate to them?

00:10:56.000 No, I don't like that.

00:10:57.000 Oh, if they used to be fat, then they start slimming down.

00:11:00.000 That's what happens.

00:11:01.000 When you're fat and you lose weight, you start dressing cool.

00:11:03.000 That's true.

00:11:04.000 Because you can finally wear clothes.

00:11:05.000 You don't have to wear a hoodie every day.

00:11:07.000 Who's done that?

00:11:08.000 Give me an example.

00:11:10.000 Not Seth Rogen, the other one.

00:11:11.000 In that clan, in that group.

00:11:13.000 Jonah Hill!

00:11:13.000 Jonah Hill.

00:11:14.000 He's never been hot, though.

00:11:15.000 Well, he's more like a surfer now, but he's jacked now.

00:11:18.000 Is he?

00:11:18.000 Jonah Hill's in great shape.

00:11:19.000 What?

00:11:20.000 That guy fluctuates like a motherfucker.

00:11:22.000 He's like Oprah.

00:11:23.000 He's the white Oprah.

00:11:24.000 Well, you know what?

00:11:24.000 I mean, he was dealing with a lot of what he thought was body issues, and just dealing with being big and didn't like it and felt embarrassed, and then finally fucking did something about it.

00:11:35.000 And he dealt with it for a long-ass time.

00:11:37.000 Lost some weight, gained it back, but now he looks great.

00:11:41.000 It was great, right?

00:11:42.000 I thought Big was beautiful.

00:11:43.000 I'm not saying he was chunky, but he posted something to stop talking.

00:11:47.000 He looks like hell.

00:11:48.000 He looks homeless.

00:11:50.000 I know you mean well, but I kindly ask you not comment on my body, good or bad.

00:11:56.000 You skipped heart emoji.

00:11:58.000 I was trying not to throw up.

00:12:00.000 I want to politely let you know it's not helpful and it doesn't feel good.

00:12:07.000 Much respect.

00:12:08.000 Shane, can you read that?

00:12:08.000 I want to hear that in your voice.

00:12:09.000 That's what I said.

00:12:10.000 Dude, this is all you need to see.

00:12:12.000 Next time.

00:12:13.000 Can you read this?

00:12:14.000 Don't comment on Shane's body, heart, good or bad.

00:12:17.000 Shane wants to politely let you know.

00:12:18.000 This is a big text.

00:12:19.000 You ever see his cell phone?

00:12:20.000 He's got the giant letters because he can't read.

00:12:22.000 He had his eyeballs.

00:12:22.000 He got him a cricket.

00:12:24.000 Do you have readers yet?

00:12:25.000 I thought you got your eyeballs fixed.

00:12:26.000 I did.

00:12:27.000 I had LASIK. Oh, you did?

00:12:28.000 Yeah, it's wearing off.

00:12:29.000 What?

00:12:31.000 It's wearing off.

00:12:31.000 Yeah, I feel it wearing off.

00:12:33.000 What do you mean it's wearing off?

00:12:34.000 LASIK wears off?

00:12:35.000 I didn't know.

00:12:36.000 What about the cane?

00:12:37.000 Still got the cane?

00:12:37.000 I'm hoping you can do it again.

00:12:40.000 You were going to go for a second.

00:12:41.000 By the way, that was the first shot.

00:12:43.000 You heard it.

00:12:43.000 What?

00:12:44.000 I thought you did it.

00:12:45.000 You did it.

00:12:45.000 No, no, no.

00:12:46.000 You said, Shane, could you read that?

00:12:47.000 I just asked you legitimately if you could read that or not.

00:12:49.000 No, that was the first shot.

00:12:51.000 I think you're a little drunk and a little lippy.

00:12:54.000 I'm sober as a bird, Joe.

00:12:55.000 This is what he said.

00:12:56.000 He said, could you read it in your voice?

00:12:57.000 Yeah.

00:12:58.000 He wanted me to read, stop talking about my body.

00:13:01.000 He was taking a shot.

00:13:02.000 I see.

00:13:03.000 You might be right.

00:13:03.000 I'm totally right.

00:13:04.000 Drastically disagree with what you're saying.

00:13:06.000 You might be right.

00:13:07.000 Guys, you're fat, you're old, can we get along?

00:13:09.000 No, the effects of LASIK do not wear off.

00:13:11.000 However, certain normal aging changes inside the eye over time may affect your refractive stability.

00:13:18.000 For example, if your eyes had been corrected for distance when you're younger, when you get into your early or mid-40s, something called prespoise.

00:13:30.000 Presbyopia will occur.

00:13:31.000 So you're fucked.

00:13:32.000 You got presbyopia.

00:13:33.000 And now we're doing your early 40s.

00:13:34.000 You can't read anymore.

00:13:35.000 Why?

00:13:36.000 Can't you do it again?

00:13:37.000 Presbyopia?

00:13:38.000 You don't want to do that again.

00:13:39.000 Do you want to go in there again?

00:13:39.000 You got a laser in your eye?

00:13:41.000 They cut the layer off your eyeball, and then they just go...

00:13:43.000 Wow.

00:13:44.000 Lasers, and then you can't look at it.

00:13:45.000 You have to look straight forward.

00:13:46.000 It's this far away from your eye, and if you start moving around, he's like, stop, stop moving!

00:13:49.000 Stop moving!

00:13:50.000 It'll burn your retina off.

00:13:51.000 Yeah.

00:13:52.000 Well, they're about to start new therapies that involve bacteria.

00:13:56.000 They involve bacteria and injections into your eyeballs.

00:14:00.000 And these injections of bacteria...

00:14:02.000 Andrew Huberman told me about this.

00:14:06.000 He's good.

00:14:07.000 He's brilliant.

00:14:07.000 And he was saying that they're essentially...

00:14:10.000 They believe they're going to be able to reverse the ocular degeneration that comes with aging.

00:14:17.000 And they think they're gonna be able to do it for people that have, like, serious eyeball injuries, too.

00:14:20.000 Like, maybe, like, Michael Bisping can get hooked up.

00:14:22.000 When is that gonna start?

00:14:23.000 I don't know.

00:14:23.000 They're doing trials right now, but they're having very favorable results.

00:14:28.000 You ever gotten a jizz in your eye?

00:14:31.000 More than I can count, my friend.

00:14:33.000 More than I can count.

00:14:34.000 I can see you're being facetious, but it stings.

00:14:37.000 You never hit your own eye?

00:14:39.000 You never got your own jizz?

00:14:40.000 I'm sure I have, but it's probably been when I was younger.

00:14:42.000 I don't remember.

00:14:43.000 In the eyeball.

00:14:44.000 Yeah, I was laying on my back and it came straight up.

00:14:46.000 Right in the mud.

00:14:47.000 God, man, the girl I was with really got a kick out of it.

00:14:49.000 It happened to me recently.

00:14:50.000 She laughed all night.

00:14:51.000 It happened to me recently.

00:14:52.000 I stared right down the barrel of it for some reason.

00:14:55.000 Yeah.

00:14:56.000 It fucking drilled me.

00:14:57.000 It gets you.

00:14:58.000 What were you expecting?

00:14:59.000 Suicide by gay love.

00:15:01.000 That's what got Crenshaw's eye.

00:15:03.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:04.000 That's not true.

00:15:04.000 It was in Afghanistan.

00:15:06.000 Heartless.

00:15:06.000 I mean, you gotta jerk off out there.

00:15:08.000 Heartless and inaccurate.

00:15:10.000 It happened in Afghanistan.

00:15:12.000 That's a good name.

00:15:12.000 We could be Al-Gaeda.

00:15:14.000 Al-Gaeda's not bad.

00:15:16.000 Or Al-Gaeda.

00:15:17.000 Al-Gaeda.

00:15:18.000 That'll be quickly turned into Al-Gaeda.

00:15:19.000 Well, that was the point, yeah.

00:15:21.000 Yeah, I like it.

00:15:23.000 Al-Gaeda?

00:15:24.000 I like Al-Gaeda.

00:15:26.000 I like Al-Gaeda.

00:15:27.000 See you later, Al-Gaeda.

00:15:31.000 I'm having too much fun already.

00:15:32.000 So wait, did Saladin came in Crenshaw's eye?

00:15:35.000 No, he came in his own eye, I'm saying.

00:15:37.000 No.

00:15:38.000 He was in the huts, you get bored.

00:15:39.000 I heard that, I read that in Jezebel.

00:15:42.000 That's what he did.

00:15:43.000 Yeah.

00:15:44.000 Wait, so they held him down and he did it himself?

00:15:47.000 No, he was just jerking it to kill time in the desert.

00:15:50.000 And he hit himself in the eye.

00:15:51.000 Hit himself in the eye, boom.

00:15:51.000 Then he had to be like, oh shit, one of them got me, guys.

00:15:54.000 There's no doctor out there, so he had to lose the eye.

00:15:56.000 He was waiting, he was bored before beheading.

00:15:58.000 What's legitimately the worst injury you've ever heard someone jerking off sustained?

00:16:04.000 Some people have broken their dick, but that's from girls riding on it.

00:16:07.000 Yeah, you can bend your dong.

00:16:09.000 I think Knoxville's dick is broken.

00:16:11.000 You were telling us last night.

00:16:12.000 Yeah, he broke his dick on a stunt.

00:16:14.000 With a rocket?

00:16:14.000 Yeah, give it a goog, JMO! I got no dick, man!

00:16:19.000 For a guy with no dick, he's pretty upbeat.

00:16:21.000 Do you like fish dicks?

00:16:22.000 Come on, leave me alone.

00:16:24.000 I got no dick, man.

00:16:24.000 I hurt my dick.

00:16:27.000 Oh, that was rough.

00:16:29.000 Season three looks great.

00:16:30.000 Johnny Knoxville, How I Broke My Pace.

00:16:32.000 There you go!

00:16:33.000 Wow.

00:16:34.000 Dude, he came through my college filming Dukes of Hazzard.

00:16:36.000 He fucked every gal.

00:16:38.000 There was a chlamydia strain all over LSU. Look at this.

00:16:42.000 I have a big scar running here to here, he says, innocuously pointing an index finger between his legs up to his crotch, where he famously tore his urethra in 2007 while paying tribute to stunt god Evel Knievel.

00:16:55.000 You know, I never even thought to look at the scar until six weeks ago.

00:16:59.000 I found a stand-up mirror, I got out of the shower, and check out the scar, and it's a terrible angle to look at yourself in.

00:17:05.000 Damn.

00:17:06.000 Wow.

00:17:06.000 Is he okay now, though?

00:17:07.000 No.

00:17:08.000 I think he's got the pump like Larry Flint.

00:17:11.000 He says, um...

00:17:13.000 What does it say here?

00:17:15.000 Can you read that, Ari?

00:17:16.000 He's been fielding questions.

00:17:18.000 Fave of crotch shot.

00:17:19.000 So he says he broke his dick, but did they fix it?

00:17:21.000 Maybe they fixed his dick.

00:17:22.000 I'm hoping they fixed his dick.

00:17:23.000 I don't know, but his hair is white now.

00:17:26.000 It's like a dog's chew toy down there now, he said.

00:17:29.000 It looks like a sock that's lost its elasticity.

00:17:32.000 Oh my god.

00:17:33.000 It left him using a catheter twice a day.

00:17:36.000 There you go.

00:17:36.000 It looks like a sock that lost its elasticity.

00:17:39.000 Damn.

00:17:39.000 This is a bummer.

00:17:40.000 Yeah.

00:17:41.000 I think that they're saying that they left him using a catheter twice a day back then.

00:17:45.000 Does that mean now?

00:17:45.000 I hope he's okay now.

00:17:46.000 No.

00:17:47.000 Call in, Knoxville.

00:17:48.000 Oh, no, hold on.

00:17:49.000 Let's go back up.

00:17:49.000 It says years after the incident that sent him to surgery and left him using a catheter twice a day.

00:17:55.000 I think they mean during the recovery part.

00:17:58.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:59.000 Okay, he must be all right then.

00:18:00.000 God, I hope so.

00:18:02.000 It's a good conversation starter when hitting on a girl.

00:18:04.000 You know, my dick used to be broken, and now it works.

00:18:07.000 It's revived.

00:18:08.000 Yeah.

00:18:09.000 But it'd be suspect, like a house with a fucked up foundation.

00:18:14.000 You know, if a house got a big crack in the foundation, like, no, we brought guys.

00:18:17.000 They said it's fine.

00:18:18.000 Don't you want to buy it?

00:18:19.000 He's like, no, I'm not buying this fucking house.

00:18:21.000 What's up with that foundation?

00:18:22.000 Yep.

00:18:23.000 What if the earth moves?

00:18:24.000 What's going to happen with Tim Dillon's house?

00:18:26.000 Is that up for sale, or does he still own that?

00:18:28.000 Well, he's looking at another one out here right now.

00:18:31.000 Come on.

00:18:31.000 He's just breading your butter.

00:18:34.000 He's buttering your bread with that.

00:18:35.000 No, he's smart.

00:18:36.000 He's investing money.

00:18:37.000 The real estate business out here is fantastic.

00:18:39.000 But why'd he leave?

00:18:39.000 Save one, get another one.

00:18:41.000 Ah, okay.

00:18:42.000 You know?

00:18:42.000 Keep one.

00:18:43.000 Sell it.

00:18:44.000 Sell the second one.

00:18:45.000 Gotta have one for the twinks.

00:18:47.000 Yeah, one for the twinks.

00:18:48.000 I got the underside.

00:18:49.000 The underside of my dong got sliced once.

00:18:51.000 What?

00:18:52.000 Yeah.

00:18:53.000 What happened?

00:18:54.000 Yeah, I was going from behind on a lady.

00:18:57.000 And she was touching herself also because I wasn't helping.

00:19:00.000 She's an experienced whore.

00:19:01.000 And my dong fell out and connected on a fingernail when I went forward again.

00:19:07.000 And it hurt, but you know, I was making whoopee.

00:19:11.000 So I kept trying to go, and she was like, no, I could feel like I got skin on that.

00:19:18.000 And I was like, no, I'm fine.

00:19:20.000 I pulled out and looked at it, opened my hand, and it was just gushing.

00:19:25.000 It was over.

00:19:25.000 Ran to the bathroom.

00:19:27.000 That's how you get AIDS. It's blood.

00:19:29.000 No, but she's got to bleed in your blood.

00:19:32.000 Your body doesn't accept blood like that.

00:19:34.000 It generally pumps out.

00:19:36.000 Is that an interesting story?

00:19:37.000 If she's menstruating, that's blood on blood there.

00:19:39.000 Yeah, but it's not getting in your body.

00:19:41.000 They think that one of the ways that people initially got HIV, and this is very controversial, but they think there was You know, bushmeat is a thing in Africa where they'll essentially shoot and kill anything and sell it as meat because food scares.

00:19:55.000 So they'll occasionally do that to chimpanzees.

00:19:58.000 They'll shoot chimps and sell chimp meat and eat chimps.

00:20:01.000 It's like the Wuhan bat.

00:20:03.000 And they think that through cutting a monkey or a gorilla or some chimp, some sort of primate, they got the blood on the knife and cut their finger.

00:20:13.000 I think this is just speculation.

00:20:15.000 I don't think they necessarily have a patient zero in AIDS. I'm sticking with Fucker the Monkey.

00:20:21.000 Yeah, that's better story.

00:20:23.000 Remember Chappelle's bit on that?

00:20:25.000 Rip your dick off like a celery stalk!

00:20:27.000 You know how hard it'd be to fuck a monkey?

00:20:30.000 It would be pretty hard.

00:20:32.000 It's just as funny as...

00:20:34.000 It's funnier than eating a bat, but eating a bat's very funny.

00:20:37.000 Well, they have them in soup.

00:20:39.000 They eat tons of bat.

00:20:40.000 It's wild.

00:20:41.000 It's wild to see.

00:20:42.000 Like a bat floating around in a soup.

00:20:44.000 Yikes.

00:20:45.000 Yikes.

00:20:45.000 Like a drowning moth.

00:20:47.000 Hey man, when you're fucking hungry, you'll eat a lot of things.

00:20:49.000 That's true.

00:20:49.000 And then on top of that, if you're culturally accustomed to certain things, they don't become weird.

00:20:55.000 No, no.

00:20:55.000 Like oysters.

00:20:56.000 Oysters are fucking gross to a lot of people.

00:20:58.000 That's a good point.

00:20:58.000 But for us, we're like, ah, slurp.

00:21:00.000 Yeah, I don't like that.

00:21:01.000 This fucking snot blowout.

00:21:02.000 I don't like oysters.

00:21:04.000 Oh, they got the heads.

00:21:07.000 You know, there's little dog heads in there.

00:21:08.000 That looks better than oysters, I'll tell you that.

00:21:10.000 Oh, I love oysters.

00:21:11.000 I do too.

00:21:12.000 But is that the ribs of the bat?

00:21:14.000 What is that?

00:21:15.000 Oh, that's like eels.

00:21:16.000 That's an eel thing.

00:21:17.000 Octopus and shit.

00:21:18.000 That's not bad.

00:21:20.000 Octopus is delicious, but...

00:21:21.000 Bat soup.

00:21:21.000 Ah, I don't like that shit.

00:21:23.000 Octopus are fucking smart.

00:21:24.000 It's kind of weird to eat them.

00:21:26.000 They are smart.

00:21:27.000 You see that Octopus Teacher documentary?

00:21:29.000 Yeah.

00:21:29.000 Pretty great.

00:21:30.000 That guy that clearly wanted to fuck that octopus.

00:21:31.000 He falls in love with the octopus.

00:21:33.000 Yeah, he was trying to fuck that octopus.

00:21:35.000 He lost his family over it, didn't he?

00:21:37.000 Wasn't he swimming every day trying to fuck an octopus?

00:21:39.000 Octopussy.

00:21:40.000 You know, John Lilly had a whole program doing dolphin research.

00:21:47.000 They were trying to teach dolphins how to talk, and the dolphins kept getting distracted because they were horny.

00:21:54.000 So this lady would just jerk off the dolphins to participate in the study.

00:21:58.000 What?

00:21:59.000 And they found out about it.

00:22:00.000 They're like, that's a wrap for your study.

00:22:02.000 You can't be jerking people off.

00:22:03.000 I feel like it's a win for the dolphins.

00:22:05.000 Dude, there's a guy who was fucking dolphins.

00:22:06.000 The dolphin who loved me.

00:22:07.000 NASA-funded project that went wrong.

00:22:10.000 Margaret Lovat in the 1960s was part of a NASA-funded project to communicate with dolphins.

00:22:15.000 Soon she was living with Peter 24 hours a day in a converted house.

00:22:19.000 So the house was waist-high in water.

00:22:22.000 Christopher Riley reports an experiment that went tragically wrong.

00:22:26.000 Tragic because he got to come.

00:22:27.000 No, he got to come.

00:22:28.000 And they killed the project because they found out she was jerking off the dolphin.

00:22:33.000 Dolphins are crazy horny.

00:22:35.000 They should have killed the dolphins.

00:22:36.000 They'll spread it to the rest of the population if they get out.

00:22:40.000 Finger that blowhole.

00:22:41.000 Here's one.

00:22:41.000 I watched a video a guy was going out and fucking a dolphin.

00:22:44.000 He was fucking a dolphin?

00:22:45.000 He said he was going into the ocean and fucking dolphins.

00:22:47.000 Wow.

00:22:48.000 Well, dolphins definitely fuck you.

00:22:50.000 They've tried to fuck people before.

00:22:51.000 They try to drown men.

00:22:52.000 If you're with a hot chick, they'll grab you by the bathing suit and drag you down.

00:22:56.000 Oh my God.

00:22:57.000 Is that real?

00:22:58.000 Yeah.

00:22:58.000 That's what happened to Natalie Wood.

00:22:59.000 What?

00:23:00.000 One of the Lakers, something happened to him too.

00:23:02.000 She just went off.

00:23:03.000 One of the Lakers?

00:23:04.000 A dolphin tried to drag him down to the girl?

00:23:06.000 Yeah, I think he was dating Iggy Azalea.

00:23:07.000 Was the woman white and was the dolphin racist?

00:23:10.000 Whatever Iggy Azalea is.

00:23:11.000 I think it's Izzy.

00:23:12.000 Which is it?

00:23:12.000 No, it's Izzy.

00:23:13.000 It's Iggy.

00:23:14.000 Not Flipper.

00:23:15.000 Iggy Pop.

00:23:19.000 Nick Young, the Dolphin tried to kill me.

00:23:21.000 Whoa!

00:23:21.000 I already heard of this when I read that story.

00:23:23.000 He strolled into the Lakers locker room on Tuesday at the Staples Center a little more than an hour before tip-off.

00:23:29.000 Their 106-96 loss to Denver Nuggets.

00:23:33.000 He said, where does it say?

00:23:35.000 He said he's scared of Dolphins.

00:23:36.000 He goes, he was playing with everybody else, doing what Dolphins do.

00:23:39.000 The act, act, and all that.

00:23:41.000 Young said...

00:23:44.000 He said it was my time to ride the dolphin.

00:23:46.000 For some reason, he took me all the way to the bottom.

00:23:48.000 He was trying to drown me.

00:23:49.000 But I saw it happening.

00:23:50.000 I jumped out of the water and took off the little life vest and threw off my little water shoes and stayed outside.

00:23:55.000 That's a little dramatic.

00:23:56.000 I think this guy just couldn't swim.

00:23:58.000 That's a little dramatic because they have, like killer whales have tried to drown people and when they get stuck in those fucking sea world type places, they'll grab a trainer and drag them and pin them to the bottom of the tank.

00:24:12.000 He was a little friendly, kissing her and stuff.

00:24:14.000 He was trying to take my woman.

00:24:17.000 Maybe he was.

00:24:18.000 Blackfish?

00:24:18.000 I think I heard it before I saw this.

00:24:20.000 Blackfish Group?

00:24:21.000 That's us?

00:24:22.000 No, no.

00:24:22.000 I'm saying that's a movie.

00:24:23.000 Blackfish.

00:24:24.000 It's a movie about orcas.

00:24:25.000 Swaggy P? What about this?

00:24:26.000 Bush Meat Boys.

00:24:27.000 The Bush Meat Boys?

00:24:28.000 It's got a good ring to it.

00:24:29.000 Yeah, and we could take a field trip and go out and get some.

00:24:32.000 Go get AIDS. Start a new AIDS. You know David Cho, the artist?

00:24:37.000 Yeah.

00:24:37.000 Yeah, David Cho went to, with the Hadza.

00:24:41.000 Where was that part?

00:24:42.000 It was Tanzania?

00:24:43.000 I think it was Tanzania.

00:24:44.000 He went and hunted baboons.

00:24:47.000 They eat baboons.

00:24:48.000 And he goes, it's fucked up.

00:24:50.000 He goes, because when the baboon gets hit with the arrow, he grabs it like a person.

00:24:53.000 Oh, yeah.

00:24:54.000 He's like, oh!

00:24:54.000 They're fucking terrifying.

00:24:55.000 He goes, it's really fucked up.

00:24:57.000 They dress like a baboon?

00:24:59.000 So this is Cho.

00:24:59.000 No, I don't know what they're doing.

00:25:01.000 Is it a GoPro and a dog?

00:25:02.000 He's got dogs chasing the baboons.

00:25:04.000 Look at that guy.

00:25:05.000 I would never want to do this.

00:25:06.000 So these folks, they eat everything, right?

00:25:09.000 But they have less game in the area where they live.

00:25:13.000 They never used to be there before, so they find themselves eating a lot of primates.

00:25:17.000 Man, that guy's living, huh?

00:25:18.000 David Chow is so fucking interesting.

00:25:21.000 Because the guy's worth a stupid amount of money.

00:25:25.000 Is he?

00:25:26.000 Oh, yeah.

00:25:26.000 From what?

00:25:26.000 Art?

00:25:27.000 Was it Facebook or Google?

00:25:28.000 Facebook.

00:25:29.000 Facebook.

00:25:29.000 Oh, he invested?

00:25:30.000 No, he painted...

00:25:32.000 He painted their lobby and they gave him Facebook stock and it turned out to be worth a fucking kajillion dollars.

00:25:38.000 In lieu of money.

00:25:40.000 But meanwhile, he's the kind of guy that is that rich and goes and hangs out with the Hanza and lives with them and hunts with them.

00:25:47.000 I love it.

00:25:48.000 Is he the guy in the Bourdain doc?

00:25:50.000 Yes.

00:25:51.000 Yes.

00:25:51.000 Oh, you know, you hate that guy.

00:25:53.000 I didn't like him.

00:25:54.000 Painting over the mural?

00:25:55.000 I don't like anybody that's artsy.

00:25:57.000 He's artsy.

00:25:58.000 He's very good, man.

00:25:59.000 Artsy Shafir.

00:26:00.000 Why'd you tell me, dude?

00:26:02.000 Cho's gonna watch this and be pissed.

00:26:03.000 He's gonna watch him be pissed.

00:26:04.000 I hate him, too.

00:26:04.000 I'm with you.

00:26:05.000 Well, that was him.

00:26:06.000 If you guys knew him, you'd love him.

00:26:08.000 I love Cho.

00:26:08.000 I love him.

00:26:09.000 How dare you.

00:26:10.000 Joe Rogan.

00:26:11.000 No, I watched his, he had a show on Vice, I think?

00:26:15.000 Yes.

00:26:16.000 And some of it bothered me.

00:26:17.000 He did Vice Guide to Travel when he went to Africa looking for a dinosaur.

00:26:21.000 Because there's reports.

00:26:22.000 Those are extinct.

00:26:23.000 There's reports of sightings of, I think it's a plesiosaur.

00:26:28.000 Or maybe a brontosaur that's in some part of the Congo.

00:26:31.000 And so he literally went looking through the Congo to try to find a dinosaur.

00:26:36.000 But I think he was like fucking 20 years old when he did that.

00:26:39.000 Was nobody fucking him?

00:26:41.000 A lot of people fucked him.

00:26:42.000 A lot of people fucked him.

00:26:43.000 Dude, the guy's wild.

00:26:44.000 David's wild.

00:26:45.000 He's just very open about his psychology, which I don't like.

00:26:49.000 You think he's got a hot to go?

00:26:50.000 Yeah, he's like, the reason I fuck so much is because my childhood was this.

00:26:53.000 I don't know.

00:26:54.000 You don't like to hear that?

00:26:54.000 You just want him to keep fucking?

00:26:55.000 How about you just say, I like pussy.

00:26:57.000 You don't have to pretend to be this guy.

00:27:01.000 He's expressive.

00:27:01.000 He's an artist.

00:27:02.000 I know he is.

00:27:03.000 You don't get it, you Bud Light drinking son of a bitch.

00:27:06.000 But like nobody's asking.

00:27:07.000 I don't know what to tell you about this.

00:27:07.000 He's all American.

00:27:09.000 Also, it doesn't look good you hating an Asian.

00:27:11.000 I know, that's why I'm trying to backpedal on this one.

00:27:15.000 Bring it back.

00:27:16.000 Bring it back.

00:27:17.000 You know, you cut your dick.

00:27:18.000 I cut my sack open on a fence.

00:27:20.000 Saw my ball.

00:27:21.000 Oh, no.

00:27:23.000 Oh, my God.

00:27:23.000 You saw your ball?

00:27:24.000 In college.

00:27:25.000 Got really drunk at a party.

00:27:27.000 Started making out with this girl on the couch.

00:27:28.000 Her boyfriend sees me.

00:27:30.000 He's like, we're going outside.

00:27:31.000 I was like, all right, let's do it.

00:27:33.000 And then he's like, Bobby, Jimmy, Mike, all these guys came out of the woodwork.

00:27:37.000 So I was alone.

00:27:38.000 So I just jumped this fence, straddled it, couldn't make it all the way over.

00:27:42.000 I fell over the other side.

00:27:43.000 I was hanging by my jeans.

00:27:45.000 The jeans ripped.

00:27:45.000 They're all laughing.

00:27:46.000 Ran home.

00:27:47.000 Passed out.

00:27:48.000 Woke up.

00:27:48.000 Sack was torn.

00:27:49.000 Blood everywhere.

00:27:50.000 Had to get it stitched up.

00:27:52.000 What?

00:27:53.000 Yeah, I had to wear a jockstrap for a month.

00:27:55.000 And then I had to get the stitches removed!

00:27:57.000 That guy owned you, dude.

00:27:58.000 He really did.

00:27:59.000 It was bad.

00:28:00.000 No, no, no.

00:28:01.000 No?

00:28:01.000 You won that.

00:28:04.000 I had to start wearing a cup in jujitsu because someone was passing my guard and he slammed his knee into my dick.

00:28:11.000 And it hurt like hell at the time, but I thought it was okay.

00:28:15.000 And then I went into the locker room and my jockstrap was filled with blood.

00:28:18.000 So blood had been coming out of the tip of my dick while I was training.

00:28:22.000 So I was training and...

00:28:23.000 Because you just get so used to getting banged up, right?

00:28:25.000 So then I go home and I'm trying to think, okay, do I go straight to the doctor?

00:28:30.000 Or do I treat it like a bloody nose?

00:28:32.000 Because if it was a bloody nose, I would just go, what are they going to do?

00:28:36.000 Yeah, but I've heard of bloody noses.

00:28:38.000 Well, now you've heard of a bloody dick.

00:28:40.000 So what did I do?

00:28:41.000 Well, I went home and I jerked off.

00:28:42.000 I wanted to make sure it still works.

00:28:44.000 The New York Post is going to be all over this.

00:28:46.000 As long as it still works.

00:28:48.000 Well, that's what I did.

00:28:49.000 I wanted to see if it worked.

00:28:49.000 You're getting medical advice from a guy who said, jerk off.

00:28:52.000 Yeah, jerk off if your dick is bleeding.

00:28:54.000 But it was bleeding from the inside.

00:28:55.000 So I was like, well, what are they going to do to fix it?

00:28:57.000 They're not going to put a bandage on the inside.

00:28:58.000 How'd the wack off go?

00:28:59.000 It was fine.

00:29:00.000 Did it hurt?

00:29:01.000 It looked like a chicken fetus.

00:29:03.000 You ever get an egg that has a baby chick inside of it?

00:29:06.000 That's what my jizz looked like.

00:29:08.000 It was just red and white.

00:29:09.000 It was chaos.

00:29:10.000 It was basically like a little chicken abortion.

00:29:15.000 But it worked.

00:29:16.000 And so I was like, okay, we'll try again tomorrow.

00:29:18.000 So I tried again tomorrow, and there was a little less blood the second day.

00:29:22.000 Very little blood the second day.

00:29:23.000 It was still a little pink, but it wasn't scary.

00:29:26.000 The first day was like, woo.

00:29:27.000 Seeing my jockstrap filled with blood, I was like, yikes.

00:29:29.000 But if that was my nose, I would just stuff some tissue up it and keep moving.

00:29:34.000 You can't stuff tissue paper up your bottle.

00:29:36.000 What are they going to do?

00:29:37.000 I'm like, what is it?

00:29:38.000 I looked at it.

00:29:39.000 There's no cut.

00:29:40.000 I'm like, so something inside broke a little bit.

00:29:42.000 Put it on a splinter.

00:29:43.000 And it's fine now.

00:29:44.000 You're all good.

00:29:45.000 It's all good.

00:29:46.000 I made kids with it.

00:29:47.000 But I was thinking that, like, something happened, like, during the slam, like any other kind of trauma.

00:29:52.000 Like, you know, you get a cut in your face or something.

00:29:54.000 What do you do?

00:29:55.000 You just let it heal.

00:29:55.000 Yeah.

00:29:56.000 Yeah, your dick got smushed.

00:29:58.000 Blood out of your dick.

00:29:59.000 Me cocked smushed.

00:30:00.000 Mm-hmm.

00:30:01.000 But that was my response.

00:30:03.000 That's how dumb I am.

00:30:04.000 My response was to see if I could jerk off.

00:30:06.000 Well, it kind of worked.

00:30:08.000 It works.

00:30:08.000 Yeah, you got it out.

00:30:09.000 I did the same with the slice stone.

00:30:11.000 Did you?

00:30:12.000 I was like, what am I going to now whack off?

00:30:13.000 You just jerk off around it.

00:30:15.000 You know, you just hit the tip.

00:30:16.000 Yeah.

00:30:17.000 Don't mess with the hammer.

00:30:18.000 That's what I did with the jockstrap, you know?

00:30:20.000 You still got a whack.

00:30:21.000 Did you have to, when you got it stitched up, did you have to wear anything there, like a diaper or something?

00:30:28.000 Well, first of all, I stuck a needle in my sack to Novocain.

00:30:31.000 That was a nightmare.

00:30:31.000 Seeing a giant needle go in your sack is pretty eye-opening.

00:30:35.000 And then I watched him stitch it.

00:30:36.000 We're talking about, you know, hey, how about those tigers?

00:30:40.000 And then I had to wear a jockstrap for a month and then go get them taken out.

00:30:44.000 Wow.

00:30:45.000 Brutal.

00:30:45.000 College, man.

00:30:47.000 Did you ever run into that guy again?

00:30:49.000 No, no, never.

00:30:50.000 Really?

00:30:50.000 Thank God.

00:30:51.000 Never?

00:30:51.000 Eh, it was a big school.

00:30:52.000 You think he ever watches you on Netflix and goes, ah, that fucking guy, I saw his raw nut.

00:30:57.000 That guy fucked my wife.

00:30:58.000 Probably.

00:30:58.000 It was all a blur.

00:30:59.000 They ended up working out.

00:31:00.000 Imagine if it worked out with them, and they got back together because of your trauma.

00:31:04.000 Hey, there you go.

00:31:05.000 And then they start dating.

00:31:06.000 You guys having sex when they walked in?

00:31:07.000 Just a mate got on a couch.

00:31:08.000 But really, like, going at it.

00:31:10.000 I had a handful of boob and everything.

00:31:12.000 She probably told him, and that's why he came over.

00:31:14.000 It was one of those girls.

00:31:14.000 Come over at 634. One of them drama queens.

00:31:17.000 Yeah, it got ugly.

00:31:18.000 There was a lot of fighting in college.

00:31:19.000 College was scary.

00:31:21.000 So was high school.

00:31:21.000 Yeah.

00:31:22.000 High school boys, once they develop strength and their fucking frontal lobe hasn't really developed yet, they're very dangerous.

00:31:28.000 College didn't have to live at home too, so it was like living really like adults with just morons.

00:31:33.000 Morons.

00:31:34.000 Ari, did you go to Jew high school?

00:31:36.000 I did go to Jew high school.

00:31:37.000 What happened there?

00:31:37.000 A lot of fights or a lot of litigation?

00:31:39.000 We'd have like...

00:31:40.000 We'd have like...

00:31:43.000 A lot of threats.

00:31:44.000 A lot of do you know who my dad is, for sure.

00:31:47.000 Litigation!

00:31:48.000 A lot of litigation.

00:31:49.000 Ah, litigation!

00:31:50.000 I never got physical much.

00:31:51.000 I bet the weather was good at that school.

00:31:52.000 What?

00:31:53.000 Oh my god, litigation.

00:31:54.000 You learn how to control the weather in third period.

00:31:58.000 Yeah, what'd you guys learn in there?

00:31:59.000 All sorts of stuff.

00:32:00.000 Learn how to control the weather.

00:32:02.000 The 9-11 plans.

00:32:03.000 You guys planned it.

00:32:04.000 Yeah.

00:32:06.000 The 9-11 plans.

00:32:07.000 You don't want to turn a suit back.

00:32:09.000 Hey, Shane, tell everybody what we were talking about before this, because I can't believe that this happened.

00:32:14.000 But his video got pulled off of YouTube because he simply said that when he had COVID, he just drank beer.

00:32:21.000 I said that the way I beat COVID was I just drank beer.

00:32:25.000 That's all I was doing.

00:32:26.000 That's all he said.

00:32:27.000 And it worked, and I was healed.

00:32:29.000 Yeah, funny.

00:32:30.000 And I was just explaining exactly what happened.

00:32:33.000 And the episode got taken down from Matt and Shane's secret podcast.

00:32:37.000 Oh, the whole episode got taken down.

00:32:38.000 Imagine how fucking insane that is.

00:32:41.000 Like six months later.

00:32:42.000 That's so silly, yeah.

00:32:44.000 Imagine how insane that is.

00:32:45.000 They're going through old podcasts.

00:32:47.000 They really are, which is crazy.

00:32:49.000 Giannis Papas just got hit with one from six months ago, he told me.

00:32:51.000 They gave him a strike.

00:32:52.000 He can't post to his account right now.

00:32:54.000 Oh, I'm going to lose all sorts of stuff.

00:32:55.000 I know.

00:32:56.000 It's just like, what are you doing?

00:32:57.000 Why?

00:32:58.000 What's the point?

00:33:01.000 You're looking at what these guys are saying.

00:33:02.000 This is fun.

00:33:04.000 No one's getting hurt from any of this.

00:33:06.000 If anybody's getting...

00:33:07.000 This is the whole thing.

00:33:08.000 It's like you're not supposed to have COVID misinformation or anything that doesn't go along with the lines.

00:33:15.000 You're giving some instructions, but that's not what you're doing.

00:33:16.000 You're talking shit.

00:33:17.000 If anybody was like, well, I was going to get vaccinated, but then I saw...

00:33:24.000 And he drank beer, so I'm like, I'm gonna fucking drink beer too, bro.

00:33:28.000 Is that a real thing?

00:33:31.000 Well, I got lucky.

00:33:31.000 It was nothing.

00:33:32.000 I got COVID and it was nothing, so I just drank beer.

00:33:35.000 Imagine that that's enough.

00:33:37.000 Are these woke kids that are doing this, or is this an algorithm?

00:33:41.000 Is this AI? But they go further and further.

00:33:44.000 Any touch of it is a problem.

00:33:46.000 That's all he did.

00:33:46.000 He told the truth about exactly what happened.

00:33:48.000 He said I got vaccinated, and yeah.

00:33:50.000 I admitted to being gay.

00:33:51.000 But silencing it kind of brings more attention to it, I think.

00:33:54.000 Now we're all talking about it.

00:33:56.000 Well, it should.

00:33:56.000 Because that's the only way to combat it.

00:33:58.000 Because otherwise, then they get control of the narrative completely.

00:34:00.000 And then no one can say anything that's even remotely dangerous.

00:34:03.000 I think it's just AIs.

00:34:04.000 I think it's just AIs that are operating too far on the straight up what they think is misinformation.

00:34:09.000 Here's why you're wrong.

00:34:10.000 Here's why you're wrong.

00:34:11.000 Because it stands up to appeal.

00:34:13.000 They appeal it.

00:34:14.000 I know, but everything I've ever tried to appeal, they go, nah.

00:34:16.000 Which means no one's even looking at it.

00:34:18.000 They're just going, no, no, no, no.

00:34:19.000 We've appealed things, and they've come through.

00:34:21.000 They look at your stuff more than most people's stuff.

00:34:23.000 I think it's all, who's your fucking person, right?

00:34:26.000 If there's a thousand people that do this, or a million people that do this, they're all subjective.

00:34:30.000 They all have their individual ideas about things, about what's acceptable and what's not.

00:34:34.000 I mean, I'm sure they have guidelines, but there's clearly some wiggle room.

00:34:37.000 Yeah, if you can get someone to actually look at it.

00:34:40.000 When you get like a...

00:34:41.000 When Kill Tony gets strikes because you can't explain it to someone, when I get a bullying charge for Betty White, it's like, no one's looking at this.

00:34:49.000 You bullied Betty White.

00:34:49.000 What happened to Betty White?

00:34:50.000 You bullied Betty White.

00:34:50.000 You bullied her to death.

00:34:51.000 She's gone, man.

00:34:53.000 She's out of the Golden Girls reunion.

00:34:55.000 She died.

00:34:56.000 She probably got the booster and died.

00:34:57.000 Afghanistan?

00:34:58.000 Yeah.

00:34:59.000 Imagine the booster takes you out at 99. Like, you can't even say it.

00:35:02.000 Being 99 years old and being like, I bet I gotta get this booster.

00:35:05.000 Yeah.

00:35:06.000 She was like, but I need to deal with the devil.

00:35:08.000 99 Betty White.

00:35:10.000 This podcast is down now.

00:35:11.000 Yeah, this podcast is down for that.

00:35:13.000 Just for that last 30 seconds.

00:35:14.000 It's not on YouTube.

00:35:15.000 If you're 99 and listening to Spotify, get the booster.

00:35:19.000 But any 99-year-old who knows how to use Spotify is doing pretty good.

00:35:23.000 Yeah, they're rare.

00:35:25.000 Imagine just picking up the internet when you're 70. Yeah, right?

00:35:29.000 What is this world?

00:35:30.000 70 and all of a sudden you're in chat rooms talking shit.

00:35:33.000 Getting laid.

00:35:34.000 70, you're sharing memes.

00:35:36.000 Do you think it's like a Vietnam Vets chat room?

00:35:38.000 Right, right.

00:35:39.000 Just at each other's throats.

00:35:40.000 You got a Reddit thread.

00:35:41.000 In 70, you start a Twitch channel, start talking shit while you're playing video games.

00:35:44.000 Well, they are Twitching.

00:35:46.000 106-year-old Philadelphia woman is a big fan of Big Macs.

00:35:49.000 This is more hurtful to people's health than saying, like, maybe the Vax is dangerous.

00:35:54.000 That should be medical misinformation.

00:35:57.000 It should be like, crush Big Macs.

00:35:58.000 She said it kept six.

00:35:59.000 She said it kept her free of disease.

00:36:01.000 That's back when Big Mac started when they were made with actual meat.

00:36:04.000 She credits junk food for her long life.

00:36:06.000 Her granddaughter said that maybe her lengthy lifespan has to do with the nine gin-soaked raisins she ate every day too.

00:36:14.000 Gin-soaked raisins?

00:36:15.000 Queen Elizabeth said the same thing.

00:36:16.000 What kind of a weirdo lady is this?

00:36:18.000 It says not eating junk food.

00:36:21.000 What's that, James?

00:36:22.000 It says not eating junk food.

00:36:23.000 Oh, not eating junk food, but she eats burgers.

00:36:25.000 I know, that's right.

00:36:26.000 What the fuck does that mean?

00:36:27.000 She's a liar.

00:36:28.000 She's got dementia.

00:36:29.000 That's what kept her alive, dementia.

00:36:31.000 But who the fuck is like, is that a thing, the vodka-soaked raisins or something like that?

00:36:38.000 Is that a real thing?

00:36:38.000 Queen Elizabeth drinks a couple gin and tonics a day, says that's her thing.

00:36:42.000 But gin-soaked raisins.

00:36:43.000 Gin-soaked raisins?

00:36:44.000 That seems so crazy.

00:36:45.000 Yeah, that's so specific.

00:36:46.000 Maybe that's the trick.

00:36:47.000 Look at that.

00:36:48.000 105-year-old Englishman had a whiskey in his tea every morning.

00:36:51.000 See?

00:36:51.000 See, this is the thing.

00:36:52.000 If you're one of those guys that's like, you know what, I'm just going to stay alcohol-free.

00:36:56.000 Cheers, gentlemen.

00:36:57.000 I'm going to stay alcohol-free.

00:36:58.000 I get my blood work done.

00:36:59.000 Even when I drink a little bit, I'm okay.

00:37:02.000 You just got to take care of yourself.

00:37:03.000 Yeah, moderation.

00:37:04.000 Yeah, moderation.

00:37:05.000 And take care of yourself.

00:37:06.000 Exercise, moderation, diet.

00:37:08.000 But check out your liver.

00:37:10.000 Hey, Jamie, those last two pictures, those last two people, stories, the old people, how many of them are dead now?

00:37:17.000 How old is this article?

00:37:19.000 This was today.

00:37:19.000 The 106-year-old lady was today.

00:37:22.000 Scroll down with that 117-year-old lady.

00:37:24.000 Is that a real person?

00:37:27.000 117-year-old French nun whose secret is red wine and a 100-year-old San Francisco woman who is fond of non-traditional bedtime snack of one beer and three potato chips.

00:37:38.000 It's all booze.

00:37:39.000 She sucks.

00:37:40.000 This is funny.

00:37:44.000 We get happy when we hear about someone who lives a long life like that.

00:37:49.000 Like, wow.

00:37:49.000 But if you had to live their life, you'd be like, take me.

00:37:53.000 She survived COVID? Without her eyes.

00:37:55.000 She survived COVID? She also hates Jews.

00:37:58.000 Oh my god, she survived COVID. Oh, look at those eyes!

00:38:01.000 She's possessed!

00:38:02.000 She's possessed!

00:38:03.000 She just can't see.

00:38:03.000 You guys are assholes.

00:38:05.000 Oh, really?

00:38:05.000 That's you in ten years.

00:38:07.000 Look at that nose, that's about right.

00:38:09.000 For real, that's not far.

00:38:11.000 You have Lasix that's gonna wear off.

00:38:13.000 That's the one thing where nature tries to keep you from fucking old people.

00:38:16.000 As they get older, their nose grows bigger and their ears grow bigger.

00:38:19.000 Yep.

00:38:19.000 They're like two things that no one's gonna like bigger.

00:38:21.000 Let's make them grow.

00:38:22.000 Your balls get longer.

00:38:23.000 Look at those earlobes.

00:38:26.000 She got jizz in the eye.

00:38:27.000 She's a nun.

00:38:28.000 Wow.

00:38:29.000 All these pictures, she looks like she's coming.

00:38:32.000 Somebody's wiping that ass.

00:38:33.000 For every happy ending story with these old people, somebody's wiping her ass.

00:38:35.000 Jesus wipes her ass.

00:38:38.000 There's going to come a point in time where they're going to be able to reverse aging.

00:38:42.000 It's not far off.

00:38:43.000 David Sinclair, this guy from Harvard, who's been on my podcast a few times, they're working on it, and they've got to the point where they can pull it back a little.

00:38:50.000 He's 52, he looks like he's 40, and I'm not exaggerating.

00:38:53.000 Go backwards instead of forwards?

00:38:54.000 Yes.

00:38:55.000 He's essentially 10 years younger than his biological age.

00:38:58.000 If you need a test group, I'll be your test group.

00:39:00.000 You're too old.

00:39:00.000 Start with my hair.

00:39:01.000 When's your birthday?

00:39:02.000 It's coming up, right?

00:39:03.000 February 12th, yeah.

00:39:04.000 His physical age, his biological age is 10 years older than his actual age.

00:39:10.000 No, his biological age is 10 years younger than his calendar age.

00:39:14.000 It's good for Jared Fogle.

00:39:16.000 Get them young.

00:39:18.000 Not that young.

00:39:19.000 But imagine if you got to the point where you could go back to maturity, back to like 21, 25 years old.

00:39:24.000 Because I think they're going to be able to do that.

00:39:25.000 But with old people, they're still going to have long ears.

00:39:28.000 So people are going to know.

00:39:30.000 Would you do something?

00:39:32.000 Would you be like, nothing, I'm fucking, you know, it's my first time around.

00:39:35.000 Because we would probably get mad if like 400-year-old people were fucking 30-year-olds.

00:39:39.000 Because 30-year-olds are so dumb.

00:39:41.000 They're so easy to trick.

00:39:42.000 At 30, they're a tenth of you.

00:39:44.000 That's right.

00:39:45.000 Try getting a 400-year-old lady to join your cult.

00:39:47.000 Good luck.

00:39:48.000 We can't have this many people.

00:39:49.000 I don't like it.

00:39:50.000 No, we'll have to murder some people.

00:39:51.000 We've got to all die.

00:39:52.000 If people start living forever, we have to murder some people to clear it out.

00:39:54.000 When you get to a certain age, are you think you're going to want to cash in your chips?

00:40:00.000 No, I want to keep going if I can reverse.

00:40:02.000 I'm going to die before it's even...

00:40:04.000 Yeah, you'll die.

00:40:05.000 Of heart disease.

00:40:06.000 You might not make it until 2025. That's fine.

00:40:09.000 You're happy with that?

00:40:10.000 You got a good special.

00:40:12.000 What year do you want to go?

00:40:13.000 How old do you know?

00:40:15.000 34. What do you like to get to?

00:40:19.000 85. I'll get to 60. But when you're 59, you're going to want to go to 80. Of course.

00:40:24.000 When you're 116, you're going to go to 170. She's like, I read about this shit that brings you back.

00:40:31.000 Call it that.

00:40:32.000 She's just dreaming one day.

00:40:34.000 This can't be real.

00:40:35.000 I'm looking at the oldest people, you know?

00:40:37.000 It says this guy's 146. Look at that mole right in the center.

00:40:41.000 How come it can't be real?

00:40:43.000 Another black guy.

00:40:44.000 He's lying.

00:40:45.000 Who believes this guy?

00:40:46.000 Those eyes are dead.

00:40:47.000 They don't work anymore.

00:40:49.000 He's a full mummy.

00:40:49.000 I had a dog that had that when he died.

00:40:51.000 Wow, he looks like he opened the Ark of the Covenant's cataracts.

00:40:55.000 This is a shitty country that needs this for publicity.

00:40:58.000 Click on that link so we can read it.

00:40:59.000 I think that might be real.

00:41:01.000 See, here's the thing, man.

00:41:02.000 If somebody can live to be 20, then it's not outside of possibilities that someone can live to be 20 years old.

00:41:10.000 1870. 1870. 1870. Are you kidding me?

00:41:13.000 That's not real.

00:41:14.000 That's before electricity.

00:41:15.000 That's Flavor Flav.

00:41:17.000 Well, how do you know it's not real, though?

00:41:18.000 It could be a tortoise.

00:41:19.000 He does look like a tortoise.

00:41:20.000 He claims to be the oldest person that ever lived and celebrated, but maybe he's right.

00:41:28.000 They said it's accurate.

00:41:30.000 The Indonesian records office.

00:41:32.000 They found a coconut that it was scrolled into.

00:41:37.000 Right.

00:41:38.000 It was right after Krakatoa.

00:41:39.000 You don't even know anything about that.

00:41:41.000 Look at his face.

00:41:42.000 That's the Super Walkino, right?

00:41:44.000 That is tough.

00:41:45.000 Is Krakatoa the Super Walkino?

00:41:47.000 Yes.

00:41:48.000 Thank you.

00:41:49.000 He began preparing to die 24 years ago.

00:41:51.000 Wow.

00:41:52.000 Oh, he did die.

00:41:53.000 He's dead now.

00:41:54.000 Yeah, this is a couple years old.

00:41:55.000 Look at that.

00:41:56.000 That's crazy.

00:41:57.000 Wow, gross.

00:41:58.000 The thing about when they get that old, you don't really know if they really...

00:42:02.000 He still had hair, too.

00:42:04.000 Is Krakatoa the one where it brought the entire human population down to like 7,000 people?

00:42:09.000 That was COVID. No.

00:42:10.000 Which one was that?

00:42:11.000 Toba.

00:42:12.000 Toba?

00:42:12.000 Yeah.

00:42:13.000 Is that Indonesia?

00:42:14.000 What was it?

00:42:15.000 What was Toba?

00:42:18.000 Krakatoa was recent in Indian history.

00:42:21.000 Krakatoa was 1883 though.

00:42:22.000 I got it.

00:42:23.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:42:24.000 He was alive for Krakatoa.

00:42:26.000 That's not real.

00:42:26.000 Damn.

00:42:27.000 There was an Indonesian one that was real recently.

00:42:30.000 Wasn't there an Indonesian volcano that was real recent?

00:42:33.000 Not catastrophic, but I think there was a volcanic eruption real recently.

00:42:37.000 What about Wise Krakatoa?

00:42:41.000 I really want to name this group.

00:42:43.000 Wise Krakatoa is pretty good.

00:42:44.000 I'm going to get a couple of drinks.

00:42:45.000 I like your ideas here.

00:42:50.000 That's the other thing about the internet.

00:42:51.000 Instagram, I say fatty to people and they keep deleting it.

00:42:54.000 Can't even say fatty now.

00:42:55.000 Because they call it bullying.

00:42:56.000 They call it bullying.

00:42:57.000 I think it's bullying.

00:42:58.000 I'm telling you, when I said I'm going to invade Burt Kreischer's home family, and they were like, nah, that's where it started.

00:43:04.000 Wait, you're going to what?

00:43:04.000 Invade his family if you didn't give me my records back.

00:43:06.000 What are you going to do?

00:43:07.000 And they took you off.

00:43:08.000 They were like, yeah.

00:43:09.000 How are you going to invade the family?

00:43:11.000 Oh, I get stinking there late at night.

00:43:13.000 And do what to his family?

00:43:14.000 He's got dogs.

00:43:15.000 Just keep them doing what they're doing already.

00:43:16.000 He's got big dogs.

00:43:17.000 Bird has mastiffs.

00:43:19.000 Yeah, that's pretty scary.

00:43:20.000 Bro, if you got bit by a mastiff, do you have any idea what that would do to your tissue?

00:43:24.000 And those dogs do not like you guys.

00:43:26.000 What is you guys?

00:43:28.000 You're thinking about German Shepherds.

00:43:29.000 Hebes.

00:43:30.000 All dogs, dude.

00:43:30.000 That's why they go to heaven.

00:43:33.000 Because I hate Jews?

00:43:34.000 Because they're doing Jesus' work.

00:43:35.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:43:37.000 Because you've had too many wafers.

00:43:38.000 This song's gonna happen.

00:43:39.000 It's not gonna be started on German Shepherds.

00:43:41.000 Yeah, do they?

00:43:42.000 Oh, well not the gay ones.

00:43:44.000 The gay dogs?

00:43:45.000 If you're out there listening and you're going to get a German Shepherd as a pet, you better be willing to work with that dog.

00:43:51.000 You've got to exercise that dog.

00:43:52.000 Take it on runs, do things with it.

00:43:54.000 You can't just leave a dog like that in the yard.

00:43:55.000 They'll go crazy.

00:43:56.000 And we know you're not willing to do that work.

00:43:58.000 Get a little poodle, bitch.

00:44:01.000 Now, Michael Vick worked those boys.

00:44:02.000 Did he?

00:44:03.000 He worked the hell out of those dogs.

00:44:05.000 The dogs were probably having a little bit of fun.

00:44:07.000 His dog record was like 86 and 14. His record was good?

00:44:12.000 He was like great.

00:44:13.000 You know what's fucked?

00:44:15.000 He's in the Hall of Fame of dogfighting.

00:44:16.000 I gotta get some new references.

00:44:17.000 There's a silent group of people that are involved in dogfights.

00:44:22.000 That have been involved in dogfights for a long time.

00:44:25.000 And that sort of exposed what that whole community is all about.

00:44:30.000 Because there's a lot of dogfighting going on in parts of this country.

00:44:34.000 There's a guy that I knew.

00:44:36.000 I know him.

00:44:37.000 But he, at one point in time, used to fight dogs.

00:44:39.000 And he lived in...

00:44:42.000 Somewhere in the South.

00:44:43.000 I forget which state.

00:44:44.000 And he had these dogs that were on chains.

00:44:47.000 And the chains would go out to a small dog house.

00:44:51.000 And the chains were far enough so that each dog couldn't get at the other dog.

00:44:54.000 And that's how he kept them.

00:44:57.000 He just kept them in his yard and he put them on heavy chains so they worked out and they walked around with these heavy chains on.

00:45:03.000 And he would have them on dog treadmills.

00:45:05.000 They have dog treadmills for pit bulls.

00:45:07.000 Jesus Christ.

00:45:08.000 They get him in shape.

00:45:09.000 And then they have, they name the dog after the bloodline.

00:45:14.000 So it's a champion's bloodline.

00:45:16.000 So if there's this one dog that was killing all these other dogs, they would name him.

00:45:20.000 So it's like, you know, if you had a name, like if you were Bucky, and, you know, it'd be like Bucky's son or, you know, grandson of grand champion this.

00:45:31.000 And they have this, like, Sort of underground community.

00:45:35.000 And when Michael Vick got busted, it sort of exposed that to a lot of people that, you know, especially a lot of people that are urban folks that don't know anybody who would even be involved in dog fighting.

00:45:46.000 That could be the name of our group.

00:45:47.000 Urban folks.

00:45:48.000 I like that.

00:45:49.000 I like that.

00:45:50.000 If you're living in a big city, you probably don't get to see too many dog fights.

00:45:54.000 But if you're in rural parts of the South, it's a big money thing.

00:45:58.000 It's like, I had a gardener who was in a chicken fighting.

00:46:01.000 I talked about this.

00:46:02.000 Yeah.

00:46:03.000 They fight roosters.

00:46:04.000 I went to one of those.

00:46:05.000 It's wild.

00:46:05.000 Vicious.

00:46:06.000 Vicious.

00:46:07.000 I went and won Puerto Rico.

00:46:08.000 It's in a pit.

00:46:09.000 You're all standing there with money, shaking.

00:46:10.000 Woo-hoo!

00:46:11.000 For them, it's a part of their culture.

00:46:13.000 And he said, and then, you know, the winner gets to make soup out of the loser.

00:46:17.000 Ooh.

00:46:18.000 Wow.

00:46:18.000 So if your bird wins, even once your bird wins, your bird's going to get fucked up.

00:46:22.000 It's probably going to get sliced up pretty good.

00:46:23.000 Yeah.

00:46:24.000 Oh, yeah.

00:46:24.000 They take the one that died and they'll fucking cook them in a nice soup.

00:46:28.000 They heal up if they're still, like, okay.

00:46:31.000 They sew them up.

00:46:32.000 Yeah.

00:46:33.000 That chicken's a little raptor.

00:46:35.000 That's what that is.

00:46:36.000 Oh, yeah.

00:46:37.000 Isn't that weird to think of?

00:46:38.000 That's not that much smaller than what a real raptor was.

00:46:40.000 It is funny.

00:46:40.000 If the urban folks that were fighting the dogs would just dress like a matador, all the honkies would be okay with it.

00:46:47.000 Interesting.

00:46:48.000 If they were just wearing some dumb, goofy...

00:46:51.000 Have they had some traditional outfit?

00:46:53.000 Yeah, then we'd be like, well then it's okay if they're stabbing a bull with a sword over it.

00:46:57.000 Well, they're trying to get rid of that.

00:46:58.000 Bullfighting at least, though, has a chance to kill you.

00:47:00.000 Have you been?

00:47:01.000 No.

00:47:01.000 I didn't get to go.

00:47:02.000 But they stab it with like eight spears.

00:47:04.000 It just keeps going.

00:47:05.000 Yeah, they keep stabbing.

00:47:06.000 And they tie the sack up.

00:47:06.000 Well, don't they stab them before they let them out?

00:47:07.000 Yeah, they cut them quite a bit before.

00:47:09.000 Yeah, they don't just let them out fresh.

00:47:11.000 I think they tie the sack.

00:47:12.000 That's how they get them angry.

00:47:13.000 That's the bull riding.

00:47:15.000 Oh, that's riding, sorry.

00:47:16.000 The wildest shit is those dudes who stand there and wait for the bulls to charge them and they flip.

00:47:20.000 Rodeo clowns?

00:47:21.000 What?

00:47:21.000 They jump up in the air and flip over the bulls.

00:47:22.000 I've never seen that.

00:47:23.000 Rodeo clowns?

00:47:24.000 No, no, no, they're not rodeo clowns.

00:47:25.000 It's like a type of bullfighting, but they literally are acrobats who leap over the bulls as they charge.

00:47:31.000 What?

00:47:32.000 So the bulls charge them and they do flips.

00:47:34.000 They're their own, like, cape?

00:47:35.000 Well, they don't do the cape.

00:47:36.000 They just jump through the air and do backflips over bulls.

00:47:40.000 But the thing is, they don't always do it right.

00:47:42.000 And every now and then the bull wins.

00:47:43.000 It looks like a car wreck.

00:47:44.000 And that's what's exciting.

00:47:45.000 You gotta have that.

00:47:45.000 You gotta have that danger.

00:47:46.000 Oh, yeah.

00:47:47.000 You know those, like, when people wear those bubble suits and run at each other?

00:47:51.000 Here it is.

00:47:51.000 Watch this.

00:47:51.000 What?

00:47:52.000 Whoa.

00:47:54.000 Look at this guy.

00:47:54.000 Whoa, it's like a limbo.

00:47:55.000 Oh, he got clipped there.

00:48:00.000 Oh my god!

00:48:02.000 The leaping of the bulls.

00:48:03.000 Yeah, so this guy's doing a front flip.

00:48:05.000 Oh, he's putting his head right in the way, too.

00:48:06.000 That's a fair fight.

00:48:07.000 No weapons.

00:48:08.000 That's a very fair fight.

00:48:09.000 This is better than...

00:48:11.000 That guy's wild, man.

00:48:12.000 That is a wild dude.

00:48:14.000 Wow.

00:48:15.000 And he has to really be careful, because that thing goes in his lungs.

00:48:18.000 He's trying to spear him.

00:48:19.000 The bull is trying to murder him.

00:48:21.000 Yeah.

00:48:21.000 100%.

00:48:21.000 Look at that flip.

00:48:22.000 How do you practice this?

00:48:23.000 Bro, that flip is wild.

00:48:23.000 You practice with a poodle first?

00:48:25.000 Oh, you get points depending on how close you are.

00:48:28.000 They have a technique to lean backwards like that.

00:48:30.000 Yeah, he says, I don't see the bull as my enemy, more like my friend.

00:48:32.000 Like, bitch, why?

00:48:33.000 No, no.

00:48:35.000 This is humane.

00:48:37.000 Yeah.

00:48:38.000 Oh, it's the most humane.

00:48:39.000 Oh, so they have a team with points.

00:48:41.000 I still like stabbing it.

00:48:42.000 They score points.

00:48:43.000 Look at these guys.

00:48:44.000 They're on the same team.

00:48:45.000 What about the guys who get in that clear bubble ball?

00:48:48.000 That's what I was saying.

00:48:49.000 Oh, they're great.

00:48:50.000 Did you watch it or are you just cutting me off?

00:48:52.000 No, I have watched it.

00:48:53.000 They're amazing.

00:48:53.000 You know what's stunning is the sheer amount...

00:48:56.000 You know those bubbles you run into each other with?

00:48:57.000 Oh, yeah.

00:48:58.000 And they get bulls to run into them.

00:48:59.000 What?

00:49:00.000 What's crazy is the distance they travel when a bull hits them.

00:49:04.000 Pull it up!

00:49:05.000 They really fly.

00:49:06.000 They go like if you kicked it.

00:49:09.000 I want to go to see one of these live now.

00:49:11.000 I don't know how you don't fuck your legs up.

00:49:12.000 Those are smaller ones.

00:49:14.000 Those are smaller ones.

00:49:15.000 I've seen bigger ones.

00:49:16.000 Those are fucking dangerous because your knees can get torn apart.

00:49:19.000 And they get stomped on, too.

00:49:22.000 Get me out, get me out.

00:49:24.000 Your legs are totally out.

00:49:26.000 That's terrible.

00:49:27.000 If they stomped on your knee, you're done.

00:49:29.000 You're done forever.

00:49:30.000 You're done forever.

00:49:31.000 Look at this guy trying to run away.

00:49:32.000 He's a little wobbly.

00:49:34.000 He's like, you got me on that.

00:49:35.000 You got me, Bill.

00:49:36.000 Meanwhile, he's keeping that bubble on, even though he can't run with it on.

00:49:39.000 Wow.

00:49:40.000 This is so dumb, man.

00:49:42.000 With COVID, we're going to be wearing these.

00:49:43.000 Oh, my God.

00:49:45.000 And that thing took him right...

00:49:48.000 That's great.

00:49:49.000 We've got to go to one of these live.

00:49:50.000 That was right at where the bottom is.

00:49:52.000 He's coming right back.

00:49:52.000 Press play.

00:49:53.000 It's appalling.

00:49:54.000 He's not wearing a mask.

00:49:56.000 This is so...

00:49:57.000 He's going to give that poor Bill COVID. Wow.

00:50:02.000 This is great.

00:50:03.000 These guys are living.

00:50:03.000 This is the Jackass thing.

00:50:05.000 No, this is like the Special Olympics.

00:50:07.000 This is Jackass did this.

00:50:08.000 Oh, they did?

00:50:09.000 This is like the Special Olympics.

00:50:10.000 Bro, this is so dumb.

00:50:11.000 Oh my God, it's so dumb.

00:50:13.000 Oh!

00:50:14.000 Man, that's terrifying.

00:50:17.000 Oh my god!

00:50:19.000 Who thought of this?

00:50:22.000 Jackass did that in their movie and they all got paid a lot.

00:50:26.000 Those guys are doing it for drink tickets.

00:50:28.000 Yeah, right.

00:50:31.000 I had this dude on Fear Factor that was a bull rider and his shoulder was completely destroyed.

00:50:38.000 He had scars all over his shoulder from just getting ripped.

00:50:43.000 Trying to hang on, or falling to the ground, one or the other.

00:50:46.000 I don't know which arm it was that was fucked, but he was like, yeah, I can't do anything.

00:50:51.000 If I lift my arm, I'll find it.

00:50:52.000 It pops out.

00:50:53.000 Was it worth it?

00:50:54.000 I don't know.

00:50:55.000 I mean, there's a whole culture behind that.

00:50:58.000 Those bull riders are a different kind of human.

00:51:01.000 We'd go to the rodeo when I was a kid.

00:51:03.000 What is this?

00:51:04.000 Oh, this is one of the classics.

00:51:06.000 Jackass 3. The bull...

00:51:08.000 Once he makes them.

00:51:09.000 His dick was still working there.

00:51:11.000 I love how he stands in, though.

00:51:13.000 Oh, Margera!

00:51:15.000 Oh my god, that's so crazy.

00:51:17.000 This guy's got balls!

00:51:17.000 Balls of steel, literally.

00:51:19.000 He's the man.

00:51:21.000 Oh, the bull's getting ready.

00:51:22.000 That could be considered blackface now, by the way.

00:51:26.000 Oh my god.

00:51:27.000 He's standing in.

00:51:28.000 He's standing in while this bull is...

00:51:30.000 Steve-O's nervous.

00:51:33.000 The bull doesn't seem to know what to do.

00:51:36.000 It gets confused when it sees the wall.

00:51:38.000 They only see red, right?

00:51:40.000 Oh, I don't know if that's real.

00:51:41.000 Oh.

00:51:42.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:51:43.000 Alright, that wasn't so bad.

00:51:43.000 That was a good move.

00:51:45.000 You don't want to fall from fighting in the air.

00:51:47.000 He could be paralyzed from that.

00:51:49.000 He's alright.

00:51:49.000 Look at him.

00:51:49.000 He's got a target on his back.

00:51:52.000 Dude, you know...

00:51:53.000 It does little touches for Jackass.

00:51:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:51:55.000 They're the greatest franchise in history.

00:51:57.000 I didn't realize how good they were until I went to Europe and everybody there loved them.

00:52:01.000 Oh, they're great.

00:52:02.000 And I was like, yeah, that makes sense.

00:52:03.000 Oh, so you need other people to love something for you to love it?

00:52:05.000 No, no, no.

00:52:06.000 Do you see what the fuck he just said?

00:52:07.000 Oh, my God.

00:52:07.000 Now you're turning on me, dude?

00:52:08.000 I thought this was guys' clan.

00:52:10.000 It's the Bushmeat boys.

00:52:11.000 I thought this was fucking dudes' clan or whatever.

00:52:15.000 The Bushmeat boys.

00:52:17.000 I thought it was Bushmeat boys, dude.

00:52:18.000 We don't joke about each other.

00:52:20.000 How much of a nightmare was Fear Factor to do?

00:52:24.000 Well, we did a bull riding thing once, and during the bull riding, there's only two times in the history of the show where I told them, don't do it.

00:52:30.000 I said, don't do this.

00:52:32.000 Don't do it.

00:52:33.000 And that was a big one.

00:52:34.000 They go, well, this guy was a stunt guy.

00:52:36.000 Those stunt guys, they're different humans.

00:52:39.000 They're so used to getting hurt.

00:52:41.000 They're so used to just being brave and taking wild chances.

00:52:45.000 The stunt guy literally said this to me.

00:52:46.000 He goes, ah, don't worry about it, boo.

00:52:48.000 Those are stunt bulls.

00:52:49.000 I go, stunt bulls?

00:52:50.000 I go, does that bull know he's a stunt bull?

00:52:52.000 I bet he thinks he's a fucking bull.

00:52:54.000 What are you talking about, man?

00:52:55.000 It's a stunt bull.

00:52:56.000 This thing was like 2,000 pounds, and it's in the cage.

00:52:59.000 Bang, bang!

00:53:00.000 And they strapped a 98 pound girl to that thing.

00:53:03.000 And I was like, you guys are out of your fucking mind.

00:53:05.000 They strapped a lady to a rodeo?

00:53:07.000 Guys, you have to understand, this show wasn't being done before this.

00:53:11.000 So it was like brand new that they would put people up for anything on TV. I know, but a woman on there is crazy.

00:53:16.000 It was nuts.

00:53:17.000 We always had women on the show doing wild shit, but this lady almost got kicked in the face.

00:53:22.000 She goes flying in the air, and as she's flying in the air, the bull kicks back.

00:53:27.000 And as the bull kicks back, this is her.

00:53:29.000 And as the bull kicks back, she almost got jacked.

00:53:32.000 She's tiny.

00:53:34.000 She's tiny.

00:53:35.000 But watch when she gets thrown off.

00:53:37.000 Look at that.

00:53:38.000 And she lands completely flat on her back.

00:53:41.000 Her back's fucked.

00:53:42.000 Her wind's gone.

00:53:43.000 Wind is gone.

00:53:43.000 Yeah, so she lands.

00:53:44.000 Look how far she lands.

00:53:46.000 And she almost gets kicked in the face.

00:53:48.000 It kicked her up!

00:53:49.000 Oh my god, she flopped like a doll.

00:53:51.000 It kind of did hit the back of her head, right?

00:53:53.000 And she landed completely flat on her back.

00:53:56.000 By the way, if she landed on her head, this could have been a horrific injury.

00:53:59.000 She's laughing?

00:54:00.000 That's how Betty White went.

00:54:01.000 But that was just dumb luck that she landed on her back.

00:54:04.000 And this is what I said.

00:54:05.000 I said to the guys afterwards, I said, we rolled the dice.

00:54:08.000 Yeah.

00:54:08.000 That's me.

00:54:09.000 Look at all cute.

00:54:09.000 She's pretty hot.

00:54:10.000 So are you, by the way.

00:54:11.000 I was sweet back then.

00:54:12.000 But this whole show was like, they kept ramping it up over and over and over again.

00:54:16.000 So it was two times.

00:54:17.000 The second time, they made people drink jizz.

00:54:20.000 And that was the time the show got canceled.

00:54:22.000 No way.

00:54:23.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:54:23.000 They played horseshoes.

00:54:25.000 And even if you got a ring, if you ring it with the horseshoe, you still had to drink jizz.

00:54:30.000 What?

00:54:30.000 You just had to drink less jizz.

00:54:31.000 Because they kept ramping it up.

00:54:33.000 I feel like females have the advantage there, because they've eaten jizz before.

00:54:35.000 Well, you are a homophobic piece of shit.

00:54:38.000 Or N-gays.

00:54:39.000 Gays and women have the answer.

00:54:40.000 There's some gay guys in my family, dude.

00:54:42.000 So look at this.

00:54:43.000 This never aired in America?

00:54:45.000 That sucks for you.

00:54:45.000 It's never aired in America, but it did air overseas.

00:54:48.000 I think it aired in Holland.

00:54:49.000 Is it human jizz?

00:54:50.000 No, it's donkey.

00:54:51.000 Oh, that tastes good.

00:54:53.000 It's donkey jizz and donkey piss.

00:54:55.000 Oh, come on.

00:54:55.000 So they were twins.

00:54:56.000 Wait, I didn't know it was a black donkey.

00:54:59.000 Can I say this?

00:54:59.000 Was this your idea?

00:55:00.000 Was it kind of hot to watch those girls drink some jizz?

00:55:02.000 No, it was not hot.

00:55:03.000 Come on, John.

00:55:03.000 Wait, now we gotta watch to see if it's hot.

00:55:05.000 No, no.

00:55:06.000 This is not hot already.

00:55:07.000 These girls are pretty.

00:55:08.000 It's not hot at all.

00:55:08.000 They're drinking piss and jizz.

00:55:10.000 I want the jizz.

00:55:10.000 R. Kelly.

00:55:11.000 Would you drink the piss or the jizz?

00:55:13.000 I would drink the jizz.

00:55:15.000 What?

00:55:16.000 The girl drinking the piss got through it first.

00:55:17.000 Are you kidding me?

00:55:17.000 You gotta drink piss, dude.

00:55:19.000 What are you, a fucking gay dude?

00:55:21.000 This is supposed to be drunk.

00:55:24.000 What are you, a fucking gay dude?

00:55:26.000 How many edibles are you on here?

00:55:27.000 Oh, I was high as fuck.

00:55:29.000 I was high for every episode after episode four.

00:55:33.000 They each get one?

00:55:33.000 Have you guys tasted piss?

00:55:34.000 You order the jizz.

00:55:35.000 I'll order the piss.

00:55:36.000 It's hard to keep down.

00:55:37.000 I like how they're plugging the nose.

00:55:38.000 That's hilarious.

00:55:39.000 I've had piss before.

00:55:40.000 The texture of jizz?

00:55:41.000 Not just the texture of jizz, it's the texture of a quart of jizz.

00:55:44.000 That guy downed it.

00:55:46.000 He should throw up on his brother.

00:55:47.000 I'm going to throw up right here.

00:55:50.000 I want to get to these two.

00:55:51.000 I'd like to see them.

00:55:52.000 I hope they spilled some on their chin.

00:55:55.000 That was nice of NBC to have barf buckets ready.

00:55:57.000 Right away.

00:55:58.000 Oh, it's a big part of the show.

00:55:58.000 This was NBC? Yeah, baby.

00:56:00.000 These fuckers fired me?

00:56:01.000 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:56:02.000 Trust me.

00:56:03.000 They were doing this?

00:56:04.000 This never aired.

00:56:05.000 But the point is, this did get the green light from the executives.

00:56:08.000 Oh, yeah, look at her mascara running.

00:56:09.000 Oh, I've seen that porn.

00:56:10.000 How dare you?

00:56:12.000 Dude, this is brutal.

00:56:13.000 It's brutal.

00:56:13.000 So this is a real show.

00:56:15.000 And it was on actual TV. This is hot.

00:56:19.000 Right there.

00:56:20.000 This is hot.

00:56:21.000 Look, it's coming.

00:56:22.000 It's dripping cum off her shit.

00:56:24.000 Oh, God.

00:56:24.000 On television.

00:56:25.000 The 90s, baby.

00:56:27.000 On TV. No, this wasn't the 90s.

00:56:28.000 2001. 2011. Wow.

00:56:31.000 2010. Listen to me.

00:56:33.000 This is when Fear Factor came back.

00:56:36.000 We came back for like six episodes and then it got cancelled.

00:56:39.000 Look at the other girl.

00:56:40.000 Game recognizes game.

00:56:41.000 She's like, lady.

00:56:42.000 Nice.

00:56:43.000 Nice chain wallet, nerd.

00:56:45.000 You had a chain wallet?

00:56:46.000 It was a nice one.

00:56:48.000 That donkey's having a good time.

00:56:50.000 Look at that chain wallet.

00:56:51.000 Look at that chain.

00:56:52.000 Show it, Jamie.

00:56:55.000 That sucks, dude.

00:56:56.000 No, man.

00:56:56.000 It's comfortable.

00:56:57.000 That's when Big Jay thought you were alive.

00:57:02.000 If I wanted to kill somebody with a chain, I have one handy.

00:57:05.000 That's true.

00:57:06.000 I mean, being high for that must have been fucking insane.

00:57:09.000 It was high.

00:57:09.000 Every show was high.

00:57:10.000 If you were high watching it.

00:57:11.000 It was always insane.

00:57:12.000 Because when I did it, I was bored for like the first four episodes.

00:57:15.000 I was like, oh my god, what have I signed up for?

00:57:18.000 And I thought, oh, this is going to get canceled.

00:57:20.000 This is so crazy.

00:57:21.000 But when you're high, then it becomes so preposterous.

00:57:25.000 And everything was preposterous.

00:57:27.000 And then also I felt a lot of empathy towards the people.

00:57:30.000 When I was high, I wanted them to do well.

00:57:33.000 It helped me coach them.

00:57:35.000 Did you root for them?

00:57:36.000 No, it did.

00:57:37.000 It helped me coach them.

00:57:37.000 It helped me pump people up.

00:57:39.000 Because there's some times where you can change a person.

00:57:42.000 Like when they're about to do something, you can pump them up.

00:57:46.000 Right.

00:57:46.000 You really can.

00:57:47.000 Especially if it's not something that's going to kill them.

00:57:50.000 Like, just go, listen, you know, you can fucking do it.

00:57:53.000 And then just that vote of confidence and just giving them a perspective, just force yourself to do it.

00:57:58.000 Just decide that this is what you're going to do.

00:58:00.000 Don't give yourself an out.

00:58:01.000 Don't give yourself any options.

00:58:03.000 Just do it.

00:58:04.000 And you can do it.

00:58:04.000 I know you can do it.

00:58:05.000 And you'll feel better about yourself.

00:58:06.000 If you quit right now, you're gonna feel like a bitch for the rest of your life.

00:58:09.000 And then it's donkey jizz.

00:58:10.000 And then donkey jizz.

00:58:11.000 You talked him into something terrible.

00:58:12.000 This is what casting couch is.

00:58:14.000 Come on.

00:58:14.000 Just get done with it.

00:58:15.000 Well, the problem was everybody had to do these stunts.

00:58:20.000 And only one person would wind up winning the money.

00:58:23.000 In this case, twins would wind up winning the money.

00:58:25.000 So they did it for nothing.

00:58:25.000 Yeah, two people.

00:58:26.000 Two guys.

00:58:29.000 I don't remember.

00:58:31.000 They should win.

00:58:31.000 I hope they won, dude.

00:58:32.000 I hope those twins are doing well.

00:58:34.000 Just because of the jizz?

00:58:35.000 Where are they now?

00:58:35.000 I love those girls.

00:58:36.000 They've got more jizz in their stomach than Rod Stewart.

00:58:39.000 Remember that rumor?

00:58:40.000 Oh, yeah.

00:58:41.000 He had to get his stomach pumped.

00:58:42.000 I heard John Bon Jovi.

00:58:42.000 They did that about Lil' Kim, too.

00:58:44.000 That's right.

00:58:44.000 They lied about my sweet Lil' Kim.

00:58:46.000 The Richard Gere gerbil one was the biggest one.

00:58:48.000 That's the all-time favorite.

00:58:50.000 That's the rumor of all time.

00:58:51.000 That one spread, like, wild.

00:58:53.000 Wow, it was viral before viral.

00:58:55.000 I grew up in Boston.

00:58:56.000 Eddie Bravo grew up out here in California.

00:58:58.000 We both heard about it at the same time.

00:58:59.000 New Orleans, we heard it.

00:59:00.000 I mean, it made it through the country.

00:59:01.000 It's still going.

00:59:02.000 It's real.

00:59:03.000 It's in Malaysia right now, at least.

00:59:06.000 That guy heard it.

00:59:08.000 146-year-old heard it.

00:59:09.000 You know what I think it is?

00:59:10.000 He started it.

00:59:10.000 This is just a theory, but he was in Scientology for a while.

00:59:15.000 And when he left, they were like, yeah?

00:59:18.000 Oh, really?

00:59:19.000 No, no, but that doesn't mean it's fake.

00:59:21.000 That's the reason it came out.

00:59:22.000 Could be.

00:59:22.000 Because they released it, but it was real.

00:59:25.000 I think it's more like they were shaming him.

00:59:28.000 It might have been gerbil fetuses or something, but it happened.

00:59:31.000 They must declaw it, because of the anal cavity.

00:59:34.000 Guys have definitely done it, and they probably did it after hearing that rumor.

00:59:38.000 That was probably the first guy to do it.

00:59:40.000 Yeah.

00:59:40.000 Your stuff went in like a bulletproof condom.

00:59:44.000 You see the South Park with him getting lost in there?

00:59:46.000 Yeah, Lemmy Winks.

00:59:47.000 Was it Mr. Slave?

00:59:48.000 Lemmy Winks gets stuck in Mr. Slave.

00:59:51.000 You know what sucks though?

00:59:52.000 Being the type of guy that that rumor would stick to.

00:59:55.000 Like Richard Gere.

00:59:56.000 As soon as it came out, somebody being like, yeah, that's something you would do.

01:00:00.000 Hold on.

01:00:01.000 But it was such a weird, specific choice that you believed it.

01:00:03.000 It was so specific that I believe it.

01:00:06.000 Yeah.

01:00:06.000 After the Gigolo movie and an officer and a gentleman, too many women wanted to fuck him.

01:00:12.000 True.

01:00:12.000 Everybody was happy to fuck him.

01:00:13.000 He got bored.

01:00:14.000 He got bored.

01:00:15.000 Cindy Crawford.

01:00:15.000 No.

01:00:16.000 I'm not saying he really did it.

01:00:18.000 I'm saying the rumor.

01:00:18.000 The jealous dolphins grabbing him, dragging him down because he was hot.

01:00:21.000 I'm saying he did it.

01:00:21.000 That's all the guys.

01:00:22.000 That's because you're a jealous dolphin.

01:00:23.000 He did it out of boredom.

01:00:24.000 I'm jealous of the gerbil.

01:00:26.000 Richard Gere was hot.

01:00:28.000 Richard Gere was on it.

01:00:28.000 Do you guys remember when he tried to go on stage in Madison Square Garden after 9-11 and say, we all just need to give love and express love?

01:00:35.000 No.

01:00:35.000 Richard Gere?

01:00:36.000 Oh my god, he got booed.

01:00:37.000 What?

01:00:37.000 He got booed so hard.

01:00:39.000 He tried to give his Buddhist philosophy to a bloodthirsty group of revenge-hungry New Yorkers.

01:00:48.000 The ones who were just beating up Indian people at the time.

01:00:50.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:00:51.000 They didn't even know what Sikh is.

01:00:52.000 Those were the days.

01:00:53.000 Yeah.

01:00:54.000 I got a couple turbans.

01:00:55.000 I mean, it sucks because technically he was right.

01:00:57.000 We all need to give love.

01:00:59.000 That gerbil fucker went out there with a very nice peaceful message.

01:01:04.000 Yeah, love.

01:01:05.000 And those dumb wops and Jews from New York couldn't handle it.

01:01:08.000 What about the Irish?

01:01:09.000 We all do that stuff.

01:01:10.000 We're not worried about it.

01:01:11.000 And the blacks.

01:01:12.000 The Irish don't complain about those things.

01:01:13.000 No, no, no.

01:01:14.000 A few woke Irish guys who write poetry.

01:01:17.000 That's true.

01:01:18.000 James Joyce.

01:01:19.000 Yeah, they drink.

01:01:20.000 Oscar Wilde, yeah.

01:01:22.000 The other guy.

01:01:22.000 What do you mean they drink and pretend they're deep?

01:01:24.000 Some of them, not Oscar Wilde, but some Irish people are annoying.

01:01:27.000 Are you allowed to say Up The Raw on Spotify?

01:01:30.000 I'm 25% Irish.

01:01:32.000 I'm 25% annoying.

01:01:33.000 Which might explain, some have attributed to Stallone.

01:01:37.000 Okay, Gere was originally cast in The Lords of Flatbush, but he and Stallone didn't get along.

01:01:42.000 Shocker.

01:01:43.000 So Stallone had Gere fired.

01:01:45.000 Ha ha!

01:01:45.000 In the years since, Gere and Stallone's grudge Yeah.

01:02:04.000 Yeah.

01:02:05.000 Yeah.

01:02:08.000 He even thinks I'm the individual responsible for the gerbil rumor.

01:02:11.000 Not true, but that's the rumor.

01:02:14.000 He brought up a purpose to keep it going.

01:02:16.000 I gotta probably put a gerbil in his ass or something.

01:02:19.000 Are we talking about Sylvester?

01:02:21.000 Yeah.

01:02:21.000 It was basically...

01:02:23.000 Yeah.

01:02:24.000 Type of fruitcake.

01:02:25.000 Speaking of donkeys, I... Oh, they talk about Unliving Color?

01:02:29.000 I used to...

01:02:29.000 1992 sketch.

01:02:31.000 I used to love this sketch.

01:02:32.000 So when did that rumor start?

01:02:33.000 What year do you think that gerbil rumor started?

01:02:35.000 Late 80s.

01:02:35.000 Is that an article about the gerbil rumor?

01:02:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:38.000 It's all about it.

01:02:39.000 Maxim Magazine!

01:02:41.000 What is it?

01:02:43.000 Melm?

01:02:44.000 Melm Magazine?

01:02:45.000 Never heard of it.

01:02:46.000 No, I haven't either.

01:02:47.000 Hey, Kennison.

01:02:47.000 Sam Kennison talking about it.

01:02:48.000 Did he talk about it?

01:02:49.000 Let me hear this.

01:02:49.000 Let me hear Kennison talk about it.

01:02:51.000 That's really old.

01:02:53.000 Has everybody heard this shit about Richard Gere?

01:02:58.000 Dude, that's fucking intense, man.

01:03:00.000 How many people have heard about Richard Gere having a gerbil in his ass?

01:03:04.000 Uh-oh.

01:03:06.000 I swear to God, it's maybe a rumor.

01:03:09.000 I hope it's a rumor.

01:03:11.000 I was in Miami last night.

01:03:13.000 The fucking crowd there went nuts.

01:03:15.000 Like, well, shit, everybody in the country knows, supposedly, because I don't want to get in trouble.

01:03:20.000 Ooh!

01:03:21.000 But, supposedly, supposedly, I guess he was in the hospital.

01:03:28.000 Mark, you would probably know, but is this for real?

01:03:30.000 You're a doctor in L.A. It is for real?

01:03:32.000 He had a gerbil in his fucking ass?

01:03:35.000 Corroborated.

01:03:35.000 Two of them?

01:03:41.000 I can't believe it.

01:03:42.000 How good can this fucking feel?

01:03:45.000 Man, I have been drunk, folks.

01:03:47.000 I have been drunk and coked up and fucked up to where I have pissed in my suitcase thinking it was the toilet.

01:03:53.000 To where I lifted the lid of my suitcase and just fucking pissed.

01:03:58.000 Soaked down a $500 fucking red satin robe.

01:04:02.000 Half a suitcase full of my fucking piss.

01:04:05.000 You know, it never occurred to me to put a rodent in my fucking intestinal tract.

01:04:10.000 This was late-term Kennesaw.

01:04:14.000 Yeah, you can see his droopy eyes already.

01:04:16.000 That's not a guy who pays attention behind the wheel.

01:04:18.000 Well, this is the other thing.

01:04:19.000 I think someone hit him.

01:04:21.000 Yeah.

01:04:22.000 I think the problem is he was...

01:04:24.000 Was that over the line, dude?

01:04:25.000 Could you just stop being this guy?

01:04:27.000 What are you talking about?

01:04:28.000 Who's this guy?

01:04:28.000 I thought we were just busting balls.

01:04:30.000 He's the edgelord.

01:04:32.000 Yeah, you ever sit back and say, what am I doing?

01:04:34.000 Yeah, maybe you're right.

01:04:35.000 Maybe it's time to change.

01:04:36.000 Take it easy, dude.

01:04:36.000 Kinison is the best example that I can, for comics, of like a guy who is awesome and then was like a parody of himself really quickly.

01:04:45.000 Like within just a few years.

01:04:46.000 One special.

01:04:47.000 Yeah, one special.

01:04:49.000 One special special is fucking fantastic, though.

01:04:51.000 That was when he was young and wild and nobody had seen anything like him.

01:04:54.000 But then the partying and all that stuff after that, it became like a caricature.

01:04:58.000 Yeah.

01:04:59.000 I hope I do well and then fall apart, like, violently.

01:05:04.000 You should.

01:05:05.000 You will.

01:05:05.000 You're on track.

01:05:06.000 It's gonna happen.

01:05:07.000 It'd be good though, right?

01:05:08.000 Bad, bad, bad.

01:05:08.000 Those are legends, dude.

01:05:10.000 Those are the legends.

01:05:11.000 You die by 27, you can't do any wrong.

01:05:12.000 You didn't get a chance yet.

01:05:13.000 Also, you think I want to be fucking having a family and being gay and shit like that?

01:05:16.000 Nah.

01:05:17.000 You want a family.

01:05:18.000 It's a bad company.

01:05:19.000 Let's shotgun these.

01:05:20.000 I'm just Josh.

01:05:20.000 Let's shotgun these.

01:05:21.000 I'm Josh, and I've been saying, Jamie, please do me a kindness and get rid of all the times I've said homophobic stuff.

01:05:26.000 No, that's the whole pod.

01:05:28.000 How are you going to do that?

01:05:29.000 How are you going to do that?

01:05:30.000 Jamie, best judgment.

01:05:31.000 Jamie, could you do me a kindness?

01:05:33.000 Edit out a lot of the homophobic stuff.

01:05:34.000 Are you going to change your whole brand here?

01:05:36.000 Why don't you edit me out of this entire episode?

01:05:39.000 Blame it on Bud Light.

01:05:41.000 Maybe you get a sponsorship.

01:05:42.000 Bud Light will not sponsor me.

01:05:43.000 I've never reached out to them, but these cockcups should be all over you.

01:05:47.000 They better hurry up or I'm going to switch to Natty Light.

01:05:49.000 Nah, you're talking.

01:05:51.000 Natty Light will do it.

01:05:51.000 Natty Light's desperate as hell.

01:05:53.000 I think Budweiser owns them.

01:05:54.000 Bud Light's going to pay me.

01:05:56.000 Hey, let's shotgun this.

01:05:58.000 Do you know how to do it?

01:05:59.000 Yeah, I know how to shotgun it.

01:06:00.000 Do you support ice?

01:06:01.000 You got a knife?

01:06:01.000 Yeah, I love ice.

01:06:03.000 There's an arrowhead you can use.

01:06:05.000 Yeah, yo, shotgun and fucking Bud Light with an arrowhead.

01:06:08.000 Yeah, let's do that.

01:06:09.000 Oooh, I like it.

01:06:11.000 You can't use that arrowhead.

01:06:12.000 Why?

01:06:13.000 This is why they built it!

01:06:14.000 No, no, this is a real Native American arrowhead.

01:06:17.000 What do you think they'd want it used for?

01:06:18.000 Bro, if you broke this arrowhead, imagine if it survived 500 years in the ground.

01:06:23.000 Dude, that's the height they're gonna achieve!

01:06:26.000 Shotgunning a beer on Joe Rogan?

01:06:27.000 Shotgunning a beer on the JREs?

01:06:29.000 That's on them!

01:06:29.000 How are they going to kill the white man if the king walked with a beer?

01:06:33.000 You're denying them.

01:06:34.000 Hold on.

01:06:34.000 I would use my dick before I'd use it.

01:06:37.000 Wait, where'd you get that arrowhead?

01:06:38.000 Somebody gave it to me.

01:06:39.000 It's fake.

01:06:40.000 How do you know it's real?

01:06:41.000 Because I got it checked out.

01:06:42.000 Shut the fuck up.

01:06:42.000 He got it authenticated.

01:06:45.000 You guys are party poopers.

01:06:47.000 You want some of this?

01:06:48.000 Where'd you find it?

01:06:49.000 No, no, no!

01:06:49.000 Wait, wait, wait!

01:06:50.000 I like crapping a little so it doesn't...

01:06:52.000 Oh, I don't have a knife.

01:06:53.000 Okay, okay.

01:06:54.000 Alright, here we go.

01:06:57.000 Oh, Bushmeat Boys!

01:06:59.000 That's what I was trying to avoid.

01:07:00.000 Ugh.

01:07:01.000 Alright.

01:07:03.000 There we go.

01:07:04.000 Alright.

01:07:05.000 Twelve years sober down the drain.

01:07:06.000 Can you get a shot of beer?

01:07:07.000 I have.

01:07:08.000 It's time.

01:07:09.000 It's time.

01:07:11.000 I'm going to rip off the edge.

01:07:12.000 I don't really particularly like that kind of beer.

01:07:14.000 Very exciting.

01:07:15.000 It's not really about that.

01:07:18.000 What's it about?

01:07:19.000 It's about camaraderie and guys having fun.

01:07:22.000 Jamie, you gotta get one, dude.

01:07:24.000 Yeah, Jamie!

01:07:25.000 He's got a fucking control panel back there.

01:07:27.000 Imagine if it kills the show because of you, you fucking cunt.

01:07:31.000 This is Ari's choice.

01:07:32.000 I didn't want to do this.

01:07:33.000 Wait, I'm doing one?

01:07:34.000 Yeah, you're doing one.

01:07:35.000 I don't even drink.

01:07:35.000 Hold on, hold on.

01:07:37.000 You don't drink anymore?

01:07:38.000 Nah.

01:07:39.000 Yeah, he quite a while ago.

01:07:40.000 You gotta drink booze right there.

01:07:41.000 I just gave him more booze.

01:07:41.000 Oh, weird.

01:07:42.000 Why?

01:07:43.000 Joking.

01:07:43.000 Ready?

01:07:44.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:07:46.000 Wait, how does this work again?

01:07:47.000 It's been a while.

01:07:47.000 James wants one?

01:07:48.000 Yeah, James wants one.

01:07:49.000 Will you give me one?

01:07:50.000 Can I have one, please?

01:07:51.000 Yeah.

01:07:52.000 So you crack the top and...

01:07:53.000 This whole damn studio's gonna smell like Bud Light.

01:07:55.000 Don't do anything.

01:07:56.000 Oh, he already blew it.

01:07:57.000 Mine's already falling apart.

01:07:58.000 No, it's fine.

01:07:59.000 Let's do it.

01:07:59.000 Ready?

01:07:59.000 Did you already crack it?

01:08:00.000 Hold on, give me a second.

01:08:01.000 These things are cold, dude.

01:08:01.000 This carpet's getting ruined.

01:08:02.000 This is going to go to heart.

01:08:03.000 Wait, so what are you doing?

01:08:04.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:08:05.000 What are you doing?

01:08:07.000 Peter North, that's hilarious, right?

01:08:18.000 It hurts because it's cold.

01:08:20.000 It's so cold.

01:08:23.000 That was refreshing.

01:08:24.000 It is refreshing, is it not?

01:08:26.000 Yeah, it's like the ice bath of beer.

01:08:30.000 Yeah.

01:08:30.000 It's like, you do it, it's not comfortable, you do it, but it's over.

01:08:33.000 You just took a whole beer right there.

01:08:35.000 We're one ahead.

01:08:36.000 It really works.

01:08:38.000 It goes down.

01:08:39.000 Yeah.

01:08:40.000 Shotgun, bro.

01:08:41.000 Yeah.

01:08:42.000 That's crazy.

01:08:43.000 That is medical misinformation, though, if we're talking about telling the public to shotgun beers.

01:08:47.000 What do you mean?

01:08:48.000 How's that misinformation?

01:08:50.000 We're not saying it's good for you.

01:08:51.000 We showed how fucking awesome we are.

01:08:57.000 I got CVS vitamin D and I drank a little bit of beer and then I ate a lot of chicken wings.

01:09:05.000 Zinc.

01:09:05.000 I posted that I followed Joe Rogan's strict advice to be super racist.

01:09:12.000 I started with Eskimos and moved on.

01:09:15.000 Are you racist to Eskimos?

01:09:16.000 No, not at all.

01:09:17.000 He's known for it.

01:09:18.000 It was called an Ari Shafir tweet.

01:09:20.000 You don't like Eskimos?

01:09:23.000 I love him.

01:09:24.000 What is it you don't like about him?

01:09:25.000 Raw blubber.

01:09:26.000 It's something about it, man.

01:09:27.000 You don't like him.

01:09:28.000 And they ship those fucking geezers out on ice floats.

01:09:31.000 Is that right?

01:09:31.000 The old guy?

01:09:32.000 I don't lie.

01:09:33.000 You ever seen Bourdain's show where he went to visit this tribe that was, I guess it was a tribe of Inuit?

01:09:40.000 What do you call them?

01:09:41.000 A group?

01:09:41.000 A family?

01:09:42.000 Finish it, Mark.

01:09:42.000 Don't throw up, you sissy.

01:09:44.000 And they were eating raw seal.

01:09:46.000 They were all eating raw seal.

01:09:48.000 He's still drinking.

01:09:48.000 Mark is such a...

01:09:49.000 Pop the tops!

01:09:50.000 I think I did it wrong.

01:09:53.000 He just tried to drink it without popping the top.

01:09:56.000 I popped the top.

01:09:56.000 Why are you being a sissy now?

01:09:57.000 I think I popped it enough.

01:09:59.000 No, you don't drink this sideways.

01:10:01.000 You don't lip it, either.

01:10:02.000 Oh, my God.

01:10:03.000 I've been lip it.

01:10:05.000 I've been fluting it.

01:10:06.000 It's got to be one big thing.

01:10:08.000 I'll do it again later.

01:10:09.000 I'll get it right.

01:10:09.000 Give him another one to redeem himself.

01:10:11.000 Give me ten minutes, you queefs.

01:10:13.000 Yeah, let's wait it out.

01:10:15.000 What the heck, Joe?

01:10:16.000 You know, I saw a donkey show in Mexico.

01:10:18.000 Did you?

01:10:18.000 Yeah, speaking of donkeys.

01:10:20.000 It wasn't good.

01:10:21.000 I thought those were fake.

01:10:23.000 No, I saw it.

01:10:25.000 I went to Mexico with a bunch of guys.

01:10:27.000 The guy goes, you want to see a donkey show?

01:10:28.000 We took a walk for like a half hour.

01:10:30.000 And then we went to a barn.

01:10:31.000 There's a circle of dudes.

01:10:34.000 A hot girl comes out, dances.

01:10:36.000 They bring a donkey out.

01:10:36.000 He's missing patches of fur, the whole thing.

01:10:38.000 They flip the donkey over.

01:10:40.000 She blows it.

01:10:41.000 Gives the donkey a boner.

01:10:43.000 She was pretty hot.

01:10:44.000 And then she sits on it.

01:10:45.000 She's probably a young girl.

01:10:46.000 I had to walk away.

01:10:47.000 Oh, she sits on it?

01:10:48.000 Yeah.

01:10:48.000 Wait, what?

01:10:49.000 Huge donkey donk, by the way.

01:10:51.000 How far did she get?

01:10:53.000 Probably eight inches.

01:10:54.000 How much did you come?

01:10:55.000 A lot.

01:10:56.000 You didn't whack?

01:10:58.000 I couldn't.

01:10:58.000 It was too sad.

01:10:59.000 Were dudes whacking?

01:11:00.000 Did you whack for later?

01:11:01.000 They weren't whacking, but you could tell they were retaining for later.

01:11:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:11:06.000 Did you walk to it later?

01:11:07.000 Yeah.

01:11:08.000 Are you allowed to bring your phone?

01:11:10.000 No, this is 90s.

01:11:12.000 Where was it?

01:11:13.000 Mexico?

01:11:13.000 Yeah.

01:11:14.000 Which part?

01:11:14.000 Outside of Boys Town.

01:11:17.000 Where's that?

01:11:18.000 Matamora?

01:11:19.000 Where's that?

01:11:20.000 This could be called Boys Town.

01:11:22.000 Oh, yeah.

01:11:23.000 That's not bad.

01:11:23.000 Isn't that what happened in the Franklin scandal?

01:11:25.000 Where's Matamora?

01:11:26.000 Donkey's show every night.

01:11:27.000 Look at this.

01:11:28.000 Wow.

01:11:28.000 It didn't look like that.

01:11:29.000 It says donkey's show with an apostrophe before the S. That means this show belongs to the donkeys.

01:11:34.000 It's possessive.

01:11:35.000 It's his show.

01:11:36.000 It's like Ari's show.

01:11:38.000 Ari's show.

01:11:38.000 Jimmy Donkey runs this show every Saturday.

01:11:40.000 Ari's show every night.

01:11:42.000 Coronavirus.

01:11:42.000 It's Ari's show, everybody.

01:11:44.000 A lot of chicken fucking at my show.

01:11:45.000 Covered in beer here.

01:11:46.000 Yeah, you get a little covered in beard.

01:11:48.000 Next thing you know, you stink like beer.

01:11:51.000 Remember funneling?

01:11:52.000 That was big.

01:11:53.000 Funneling's great.

01:11:54.000 It's a version of this.

01:11:54.000 It works.

01:11:55.000 Funneling's better than shotgunning.

01:11:56.000 I don't like shotgunning that much.

01:11:57.000 Well, we used to do that with weed in the early days of the podcast.

01:12:00.000 We'd do that volcano.

01:12:01.000 Remember that?

01:12:02.000 That's too much.

01:12:03.000 Too much.

01:12:04.000 Too much.

01:12:04.000 That's half the podcast we did.

01:12:05.000 We were destroyed.

01:12:06.000 Destroyed.

01:12:07.000 I don't know how this caught on when it was unlistenable for four years.

01:12:11.000 What are the odds?

01:12:13.000 Imagine if we were like halfway deep into a bag, a volcano bag, and I said, bro, one day, this is going to be the most listened to thing on the earth.

01:12:21.000 You'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about?

01:12:24.000 Yeah.

01:12:25.000 Delusional.

01:12:26.000 And one day?

01:12:27.000 That's why I don't really love weed.

01:12:29.000 When I started, it was always college, and we were always just crushing gravity bonks.

01:12:33.000 You just didn't get high with Joey Diaz.

01:12:35.000 If you got high with Joey Diaz, you would appreciate it.

01:12:38.000 That sounds scary.

01:12:39.000 Oh my god, it's the best.

01:12:40.000 It's too much.

01:12:41.000 Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

01:12:43.000 But I like other drugs.

01:12:45.000 Other drugs are great.

01:12:46.000 And then weed.

01:12:48.000 Stanhope's the same way.

01:12:49.000 A lot of you like long day drinkers.

01:12:51.000 You guys don't like the weed.

01:12:52.000 Because it makes you think about all the things that are going wrong in your body.

01:12:55.000 Why am I drinking in the first place?

01:12:56.000 Why are you taking shots at me in Stanhope?

01:12:58.000 Because you're a big target.

01:12:59.000 You both have gross bodies.

01:13:04.000 I don't know.

01:13:04.000 Isn't that what happens?

01:13:06.000 What?

01:13:06.000 You start thinking, I do.

01:13:07.000 No, I'm not like, oh man, I've been drinking.

01:13:10.000 Well, now I would, because I have been drinking.

01:13:11.000 Now I have been drinking too much.

01:13:13.000 Let's find out.

01:13:14.000 But I didn't like weed before.

01:13:16.000 Same.

01:13:18.000 I smoked in like 5th or 6th grade.

01:13:20.000 He's going to go yak.

01:13:21.000 What?

01:13:22.000 It brings out the evil in it.

01:13:24.000 It's just like, you think about negative, it's all bad.

01:13:26.000 No, I'm not thinking about, I'm not even getting introspective.

01:13:28.000 I'll just get high and be like, dude, I'm gonna have to give my dad's eulogy someday.

01:13:32.000 Yeah, that's introspective.

01:13:33.000 Just always, always.

01:13:34.000 I'll blow my weed right at you from now on.

01:13:36.000 I'll take it.

01:13:37.000 Contact high.

01:13:38.000 I mean, once I get, dude, look at my BLs blocking your fucking negative energy.

01:13:43.000 My BLs.

01:13:43.000 These are my crystals.

01:13:44.000 My BLs.

01:13:45.000 My crystals.

01:13:47.000 Look at my beautiful crystals.

01:13:51.000 Weed looks fun.

01:13:52.000 You know, I see it.

01:13:53.000 I'm like, man, you guys look cool smoking it.

01:13:55.000 You guys wake up and smoke it.

01:13:56.000 You're tolerant super high.

01:13:58.000 I know.

01:13:58.000 Every time I do it, I regret it right away.

01:13:59.000 And then they criticize guys like me drinking Bud Light.

01:14:02.000 When I first started taking Ari, they all get high and act superior.

01:14:07.000 When I first started taking Ari on the road with me, I'd get them...

01:14:11.000 Ridiculously hot.

01:14:11.000 Too hot.

01:14:12.000 Like, can't handle the show.

01:14:13.000 But that's not fun.

01:14:14.000 That's funny.

01:14:15.000 It was fun for him.

01:14:16.000 It was fun for him.

01:14:17.000 It was great.

01:14:18.000 Watching me just stare at a crowd and be like, what are we even doing here?

01:14:21.000 No, no, no.

01:14:21.000 You eventually figured out how to be relaxed and do comedy high.

01:14:24.000 Eventually.

01:14:24.000 Eventually, but those shows were fun.

01:14:25.000 It just took time.

01:14:26.000 It just took a little time.

01:14:28.000 Yeah.

01:14:28.000 You just had to work it out.

01:14:29.000 You gotta get your tolerance up.

01:14:30.000 Yeah, you get your tolerance up.

01:14:32.000 But also it was like that thing about the shows where it's just experimental.

01:14:36.000 Like, go have fun.

01:14:36.000 You're supposed to have fun.

01:14:38.000 Be silly.

01:14:38.000 You got great jokes.

01:14:39.000 It was the best where you're like, I'm gonna get too high.

01:14:41.000 You're like, you don't work this club.

01:14:43.000 This is like a massive club.

01:14:45.000 You wouldn't for me.

01:14:47.000 Don't worry about it.

01:14:47.000 So I don't care.

01:14:48.000 So go for it.

01:14:49.000 Well, I just wanted you to not be nervous.

01:14:51.000 I go, you can never get fired.

01:14:53.000 That's what I said to you.

01:14:54.000 I go, you'll never, you can never get fired.

01:14:56.000 You don't have to worry.

01:14:57.000 I go, you're gonna, we're gonna be working together.

01:14:59.000 Like, it doesn't matter.

01:15:00.000 This is just fun.

01:15:01.000 Let's have fun.

01:15:02.000 One time I did, I did like 46 at the, at the, um, Denver.

01:15:07.000 I was like, oh my God, Red Band showed me.

01:15:08.000 I was like, no, I did like 30. He goes, no, I'll show you on the tape.

01:15:19.000 I was there when you got the light.

01:15:34.000 You got the light at 10, you were on until at least 18. I got the light right out.

01:15:46.000 We're at 17, what should I do?

01:15:48.000 What?

01:15:49.000 The Asian Kid?

01:15:53.000 How do you not know when you're doubling your time?

01:15:55.000 Well, first of all, we started drinking at noon.

01:15:58.000 That's a good point.

01:15:59.000 Do you set that digital watch?

01:16:00.000 Do you have a stopwatch on that, bitch?

01:16:02.000 I don't know how I did that, and I don't know how to take it off.

01:16:05.000 Timex, $10.

01:16:06.000 Oh, get another watch, bitch.

01:16:09.000 You want to give me an Omega?

01:16:10.000 Yeah, will you buy us nice things?

01:16:11.000 I love that Omega.

01:16:12.000 Do you?

01:16:13.000 Best looking watch on the planet.

01:16:14.000 Will you buy us nice things?

01:16:15.000 Can I have some nice things?

01:16:16.000 Yeah, what do you want?

01:16:17.000 Cool watches.

01:16:18.000 I'll give you a watch.

01:16:19.000 Better girlfriends.

01:16:21.000 No.

01:16:21.000 I can't buy you people, but I'll buy you a watch.

01:16:23.000 A cigar necklace.

01:16:24.000 What kind of watches do you like?

01:16:25.000 Bud Light watch.

01:16:27.000 I like...

01:16:28.000 They're like Omegas?

01:16:29.000 They're my favorite.

01:16:30.000 Those are my favorite, too.

01:16:31.000 The Moon Man or whatever it is.

01:16:33.000 Yeah, I love that.

01:16:33.000 Speedmaster.

01:16:34.000 That ain't you, dude.

01:16:35.000 Yeah, Speedmaster's a perfect watch for a first watch.

01:16:37.000 Norman, you can like a watch.

01:16:38.000 Shane, that's not your thing.

01:16:39.000 It's a great watch.

01:16:41.000 I'll never wear it.

01:16:42.000 You can't pull it off.

01:16:42.000 That Speedmaster is a watch that they literally wore in the Apollo program.

01:16:48.000 It's a good-looking watch.

01:16:49.000 It's outdated.

01:16:50.000 Because it winds.

01:16:51.000 They exploded.

01:16:52.000 It's a fucking great watch.

01:16:53.000 It's basically bulletproof.

01:16:55.000 Such a good watch.

01:16:57.000 It's a beautiful watch.

01:16:58.000 Apollo Theater.

01:16:59.000 No, iPhone's better for telling the time if it's on.

01:17:02.000 But if you're a man who wants to wear a bracelet, it's an excuse.

01:17:05.000 You know what I like?

01:17:05.000 A little phone.

01:17:06.000 It's not a man who wears bracelets, Ari.

01:17:08.000 More of a phone guy.

01:17:08.000 It's an appreciator of engineering.

01:17:11.000 Like, this is a Seiko.

01:17:14.000 This watch is like, there's little gears in there that are keeping it running.

01:17:18.000 Like, I'm not winding it.

01:17:20.000 It's just the movement of my arm.

01:17:22.000 It's cool, but we're still wearing a bracelet to show that.

01:17:24.000 No, it's a fucking dive watch, bitch.

01:17:26.000 I can find out what time it is if I'm underwater.

01:17:29.000 You're a scuba dude.

01:17:30.000 That's what everyone says about you.

01:17:32.000 Joe left the right and the left.

01:17:33.000 He's into scuba now.

01:17:35.000 I was never on the right.

01:17:39.000 You're fucking leaning into the narrative.

01:17:42.000 I was never on the right, Ari.

01:17:43.000 You're a right-wing guy.

01:17:44.000 Ari's a piece of shit.

01:17:48.000 This is the watch that Captain Willard wore in Apocalypse Now.

01:17:52.000 They wore that when they invaded Iraq.

01:17:54.000 That's the one that Martin Sheen wore in that movie.

01:17:58.000 Alright, that's neat.

01:17:59.000 Bro, what the fuck are you talking about?

01:18:01.000 Dope as fuck.

01:18:02.000 I checked the time.

01:18:03.000 I said it was neat.

01:18:04.000 I timed my sauna sessions with it.

01:18:06.000 See, I take this and I rotate it and I'll make it to 20 minutes.

01:18:09.000 You can't use a phone in a sauna.

01:18:11.000 Are you nuts?

01:18:12.000 No, I'm talking about regular life.

01:18:14.000 It's better.

01:18:14.000 You can leave it in your pocket.

01:18:15.000 You look at it less.

01:18:17.000 You actually look.

01:18:18.000 Yeah, I love the watch.

01:18:19.000 Well, I'm asking genuinely.

01:18:22.000 I like watches because I like engineering.

01:18:24.000 I'm into things that people build.

01:18:26.000 Because I think about how they built it.

01:18:28.000 I think about, like, if I look at an automatic watch, I think, like, how many fucking people are involved in this?

01:18:32.000 Figuring out how to make all these gears work so perfectly that each movement is one second exactly.

01:18:38.000 And if they're off, like, three seconds a month, it's a lot.

01:18:44.000 These are crazy precise, and they're these weird machines that operate on the movement of your body.

01:18:51.000 I'm fascinated by them.

01:18:52.000 You can also find them in every classroom in America.

01:18:55.000 Yeah, you can, but you can't find this kind.

01:18:57.000 This exact.

01:18:57.000 No, no, no.

01:18:58.000 The kind you can find are the ones that have batteries, which is actually better.

01:19:03.000 Why are you criticizing watches?

01:19:05.000 You were too.

01:19:05.000 We were on the same side on this.

01:19:07.000 No, no, no.

01:19:07.000 We were on the same side on this.

01:19:09.000 Batteries are fucking...

01:19:10.000 Batteries are better.

01:19:13.000 Batteries are more accurate.

01:19:14.000 Because he's killing it right now with this watch speech.

01:19:16.000 I mean, he makes a good argument.

01:19:17.000 And your arguments stick.

01:19:18.000 You're a fucking kite flyer.

01:19:19.000 You go where the winds go.

01:19:20.000 You're a kite flyer!

01:19:22.000 You're a kite flyer!

01:19:24.000 I've never heard that.

01:19:24.000 You think that's funny, dude?

01:19:25.000 It's a great statement.

01:19:26.000 Is that a Jewish letter?

01:19:27.000 I'm not saying it's true.

01:19:29.000 I don't think it's true.

01:19:30.000 I don't agree with him.

01:19:31.000 But that's a great fucking pejorative.

01:19:34.000 What's a kite flyer?

01:19:34.000 He fucking goes where the winds go.

01:19:36.000 He fucking changes his opinion.

01:19:37.000 Whatever the fucking winds blow.

01:19:38.000 How good is that?

01:19:39.000 That's good.

01:19:40.000 That's good.

01:19:41.000 Where have you heard that?

01:19:42.000 I made it up right now!

01:19:43.000 Really?

01:19:44.000 Because this kite flyer was so obvious about it.

01:19:45.000 Did you make it up?

01:19:46.000 He's partially responsible for fucking shifting In a moment's notice.

01:19:50.000 Ari, you've peaked as a person.

01:19:54.000 That's the best thing you've ever said in your life.

01:19:55.000 If you really just invented that right now, kite flyer, that's amazing.

01:19:59.000 He's gonna lie and say he invented it.

01:20:01.000 He is a liar.

01:20:02.000 There's zero chance you invented that.

01:20:04.000 Tell me, I don't know.

01:20:06.000 I know how embarrassing it'll be if I'm wrong.

01:20:08.000 You are wrong.

01:20:09.000 You are wrong.

01:20:10.000 You're a kite flyer.

01:20:11.000 You're a kite flyer.

01:20:12.000 You would know.

01:20:15.000 Roll it out.

01:20:16.000 Roll it out.

01:20:17.000 I'm trying to.

01:20:17.000 Look it up.

01:20:18.000 Oh, on your knees is how you should apologize to me.

01:20:19.000 Whoa.

01:20:20.000 What are you talking about?

01:20:21.000 Whoa.

01:20:21.000 You're wrong.

01:20:22.000 Kaepernick.

01:20:22.000 Whoa.

01:20:23.000 I knew this was going to happen, dude.

01:20:24.000 I knew you could shotgun one beer and fall apart.

01:20:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:20:27.000 Like a coward.

01:20:27.000 Well, he's old.

01:20:28.000 Third hamburgers are on you tonight.

01:20:30.000 What does that mean?

01:20:31.000 What does that mean?

01:20:31.000 Is that another bad turn?

01:20:33.000 Third hamburgers are on you tonight?

01:20:35.000 Third hamburgers are on you?

01:20:36.000 What does that mean?

01:20:36.000 It means he eats three hamburgers.

01:20:38.000 Who eats three hamburgers?

01:20:39.000 It was a poor attempt at a joke about my physique.

01:20:42.000 Fair enough.

01:20:43.000 How many meals did you eat on the flight?

01:20:44.000 Oh!

01:20:45.000 I had one meal on the floor.

01:20:46.000 I had two.

01:20:47.000 And then I went to the show.

01:20:49.000 Oh, you had two.

01:20:50.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:20:50.000 I take it back.

01:20:51.000 I was wrong on that one.

01:20:52.000 You are making fun of his gluttony for eating three delicious hamburgers?

01:20:56.000 Are you talking about Golden Tiger Burgers?

01:20:58.000 I ate three and a chicken sandwich.

01:21:03.000 You're obese.

01:21:04.000 I am obese technically.

01:21:06.000 I know that being like somewhat skinny is like one of the only good features you have in your entire life.

01:21:13.000 Look up Kite Flyer.

01:21:15.000 He's tall.

01:21:16.000 When Ari got into that Sober October thing...

01:21:18.000 Have you seen him lately?

01:21:19.000 I've got a lot of back hair.

01:21:21.000 Kite flying!

01:21:21.000 Hold on.

01:21:22.000 Meaning of kite flying.

01:21:24.000 Yeah, we know that part.

01:21:25.000 The act of trying to find out what people's opinions about something new will be by informally spreading news of it.

01:21:31.000 Yeah, you didn't invent this dude.

01:21:31.000 Google's already all over this.

01:21:32.000 No, that ain't at all what I said.

01:21:33.000 That's not at all what I said.

01:21:35.000 You just didn't understand the saying.

01:21:37.000 It says kite flying.

01:21:38.000 Yeah, that ain't anything.

01:21:40.000 Of course, Joe.

01:21:41.000 He knew about that.

01:21:42.000 Just stay on my side of the house.

01:21:44.000 Watch yourself, you fucking kite flyer.

01:21:45.000 This is definitely different, because Ari's kite flyer is way better than the Wikipedia kite flyer.

01:21:51.000 The Oxford Dictionary kite flyer sucks.

01:21:53.000 We can't let him...

01:21:54.000 Hold on a second.

01:21:55.000 It says the act of kite flying is the act of trying to find out what people's opinions about something new will be by informally spreading news of it.

01:22:03.000 Exactly.

01:22:03.000 So he didn't know the saying he tried to use.

01:22:05.000 No, no, no.

01:22:05.000 He made his own saying.

01:22:07.000 I made it up.

01:22:07.000 You don't understand the arguments because you're from central nowhere.

01:22:12.000 You can't say Ari's dumb.

01:22:13.000 No, Jew school is very good.

01:22:15.000 That's crazy.

01:22:16.000 You can say you don't like his nose.

01:22:17.000 How was Jew school?

01:22:19.000 You can say you wish he didn't dye his hair blonde.

01:22:21.000 Did the Jews get mad at you?

01:22:24.000 Sometimes.

01:22:25.000 Later.

01:22:25.000 Yeah.

01:22:26.000 I got called a piece of shit.

01:22:28.000 By who?

01:22:29.000 By the rabbi?

01:22:30.000 Some lady from an audience.

01:22:31.000 She waited outside and I passed by.

01:22:33.000 Ian Finance told me she was mad.

01:22:35.000 I didn't know who it was.

01:22:37.000 I passed by outside and she goes, you're a piece of shit.

01:22:40.000 For what?

01:22:41.000 Holocaust joke.

01:22:43.000 But you were in it.

01:22:44.000 Yeah.

01:22:45.000 What's funny about the Holocaust, dude?

01:22:47.000 Tell me.

01:22:47.000 Enlighten me.

01:22:48.000 What?

01:22:49.000 What's funny about that type of thing?

01:22:50.000 They all wear the same outfits?

01:22:53.000 Got a lot of shoes out of it.

01:22:55.000 It's like, oh man, you're wearing that today too?

01:22:57.000 You're wearing burlap again today?

01:22:59.000 Is that the joke?

01:23:00.000 Yeah.

01:23:01.000 Did you guys ever see that?

01:23:02.000 I was trying to pretend that wasn't funny and be like, oh, same outfit?

01:23:08.000 That's a good joke.

01:23:11.000 Just every day coming out and being like, ah, we're wearing the same thing again.

01:23:15.000 I was going to wear gray.

01:23:16.000 No, you're blue today.

01:23:17.000 Did you guys ever see that documentary called Dr. Death?

01:23:21.000 No.

01:23:22.000 Wait a minute.

01:23:22.000 It's a documentary about the guy...

01:23:24.000 Kevorkian?

01:23:24.000 No, no, no.

01:23:25.000 He was a guy who made devices for death sentences.

01:23:31.000 And so these execution devices this guy made, he got hired by these people.

01:23:37.000 I think there were these...

01:23:39.000 I think they were Holocaust deniers.

01:23:41.000 And I think they hired him to go examine some of the gas chambers where they had killed the Jews.

01:23:51.000 I'm hard.

01:23:52.000 He gave an opinion that ultimately turned out to be very incorrect.

01:23:58.000 He gave an opinion that was either misinformed or something, but then he was ostracized.

01:24:04.000 Because he denied?

01:24:06.000 He essentially, it's not, I don't think he ever made a statement saying the Holocaust didn't happen.

01:24:13.000 But what he did do is say that this one particular area where they were showing him was not, as they described it, like a place where they executed people.

01:24:21.000 And he was wrong.

01:24:24.000 So it showed he wasn't an expert.

01:24:26.000 I don't know, but I remember it's a crazy thing because that's one of those things where if you're even examining the Holocaust, you're already in this shaky...

01:24:43.000 6 million people killed.

01:24:47.000 It's so radioactive.

01:24:49.000 You get anywhere close to the Holocaust, it's so radioactive that anything...

01:24:53.000 It wasn't a great time.

01:24:55.000 No.

01:24:55.000 It's one of the worst times in human history ever.

01:24:59.000 But the point is, if this guy had any sense, he would never have gone there.

01:25:06.000 He would have been like, what are you asking me to prove?

01:25:09.000 Are you asking me to prove people didn't die?

01:25:12.000 They know the people.

01:25:15.000 How many people do you think died?

01:25:18.000 That's what a lot of them say.

01:25:20.000 It was like 200,000.

01:25:22.000 Or 20,000?

01:25:23.000 I forget what they say.

01:25:24.000 What do the Holocaust deniers say?

01:25:25.000 They say some people die, but it was far exaggerated.

01:25:27.000 What is harder, scientifically, to be?

01:25:30.000 To ignore?

01:25:32.000 Holocaust denier or flat earther?

01:25:34.000 Holocaust denier.

01:25:35.000 It's easier?

01:25:36.000 Yeah.

01:25:38.000 The Holocaust denier, it's so crazy.

01:25:41.000 No, the flat earther is easier to deal with because it's just something's wrong.

01:25:44.000 Like this is like hitting the wrong...

01:25:46.000 Well, flat earther because you could be like, I've never seen the earth curve.

01:25:48.000 I don't know.

01:25:49.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:25:50.000 We're on the same page.

01:25:51.000 I'm saying flat earther is easier to understand.

01:25:54.000 The Holocaust denier is like, why?

01:25:57.000 Here's the thing.

01:25:57.000 Yeah, you have to ignore a lot of pictures.

01:25:59.000 Do you think no Jews died?

01:26:01.000 I don't think they think that.

01:26:02.000 Okay.

01:26:03.000 A couple did.

01:26:03.000 Do you think a hundred?

01:26:05.000 Like, you tell me what you think it is, and then I'm like, why are you even thinking about this?

01:26:10.000 There's photographs of giant piles.

01:26:14.000 Piles of bodies.

01:26:15.000 But even if it's what they say, it was like 20,000.

01:26:18.000 Maybe they say 200. But let's say they said it was 20,000.

01:26:20.000 It's still like...

01:26:21.000 That's like a really bad...

01:26:23.000 You shouldn't round up 20,000 people and kill them.

01:26:26.000 And just because...

01:26:27.000 It's still pretty bad.

01:26:28.000 It's not great.

01:26:29.000 That's the crazy thing.

01:26:29.000 It's just because of their religion.

01:26:30.000 That's what's even crazier.

01:26:31.000 Well, they're annoying.

01:26:32.000 If they can figure out how to...

01:26:36.000 Did you ever have one?

01:26:38.000 If you ever figure out how to other people, you can figure out how to other people, how astounding evil things can get done.

01:26:45.000 But that's a lot of work, putting all those people on trains.

01:26:48.000 That's impressive.

01:26:49.000 Are we denying?

01:26:50.000 Yeah.

01:26:51.000 I went to the bathroom.

01:26:53.000 Are we starting a little denial?

01:26:54.000 We're talking about how impressive it is.

01:26:56.000 How impressive the Holocaust was?

01:26:59.000 Which way does the racists go?

01:27:01.000 It was impressive or it didn't happen?

01:27:04.000 Which way does a real racist go in the Holocaust?

01:27:07.000 That's a good question.

01:27:10.000 Hitler fanboys.

01:27:12.000 Yeah.

01:27:12.000 Or Hitler deniers.

01:27:13.000 You're a Hitler denier.

01:27:14.000 You're less racist if you're a denier.

01:27:16.000 You're right.

01:27:17.000 Yeah, I agree.

01:27:18.000 Right.

01:27:18.000 Because you're just like, it didn't happen.

01:27:19.000 I don't want to believe that.

01:27:20.000 You think Hitler wasn't that good at killing people.

01:27:22.000 Yeah, he was great.

01:27:24.000 You can't deny it.

01:27:26.000 You can't deny it.

01:27:26.000 Top five.

01:27:27.000 No matter what.

01:27:28.000 No one talks about the blacks, the retards, and the gays.

01:27:32.000 Oh, sorry.

01:27:33.000 A lot of Hitler's were black, the retarded people.

01:27:35.000 Oh, that they killed.

01:27:36.000 The gays.

01:27:36.000 They killed a lot of other groups.

01:27:39.000 They were pretty inclusive.

01:27:41.000 No way.

01:27:43.000 Gypsies, gay people, Catholics.

01:27:45.000 No way Catholics.

01:27:46.000 Germans killed the priests?

01:27:48.000 Yeah, bro.

01:27:49.000 Why?

01:27:49.000 Because they were Catholics?

01:27:50.000 Catholics are good.

01:27:51.000 Catholics are good boys.

01:27:52.000 No.

01:27:53.000 And the Nazis were bad guys.

01:27:55.000 They saw us being good, me and my people, and they were like, we can't have you being good like this.

01:28:00.000 I don't think they grounded up the Catholics.

01:28:01.000 What are you talking about?

01:28:02.000 What the fuck are you talking about?

01:28:03.000 History Gillis 101. They never touched the Catholics.

01:28:06.000 You guys want to talk history?

01:28:07.000 You know what's the creepiest thing about the Nazis?

01:28:10.000 Thousand clergy, bro.

01:28:12.000 What, is that not high enough?

01:28:14.000 Yeah, you got a lot of child rapists off the streets.

01:28:18.000 See, that's a nasty thing for you to say.

01:28:20.000 You're right.

01:28:20.000 I go negative too often.

01:28:22.000 You're saying a thousand dudes who died in the Holocaust were child rapists?

01:28:25.000 Yes.

01:28:26.000 That number was high.

01:28:27.000 Probably only 800 of them were like that.

01:28:30.000 How many million people died in the Holocaust?

01:28:32.000 What's the number?

01:28:32.000 Six.

01:28:33.000 Oh, total people.

01:28:34.000 Six million Jews.

01:28:36.000 Way more for everybody else.

01:28:38.000 Russians and everybody.

01:28:39.000 Russians, gypsies.

01:28:40.000 You don't know anything that even happened.

01:28:41.000 Russians died in the war.

01:28:43.000 Russians died in the war.

01:28:43.000 How many Russians died in the war?

01:28:45.000 Didn't they?

01:28:45.000 Yes.

01:28:46.000 For sure.

01:28:47.000 How many Russians?

01:28:49.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:28:51.000 If you include civilians, it's outrageous.

01:28:54.000 It's like 30 to 40 million.

01:28:56.000 Russians?

01:28:56.000 No.

01:28:57.000 That's too high.

01:28:59.000 Shane would know.

01:29:00.000 It's like 20. 20 million?

01:29:02.000 He wouldn't know.

01:29:02.000 That's just during World War II. I'll get right here.

01:29:05.000 Soviet civilians, around 7 million.

01:29:07.000 Wow, look at the numbers.

01:29:09.000 No, it's all the number of deaths.

01:29:10.000 Jews, 6 million.

01:29:12.000 Soviet civilians, 7 million.

01:29:16.000 Soviet prisoners in war, 3 million, so now we're at 10. Jehovah's Witness had 1900, getting on the board.

01:29:21.000 Non-Jewish Polish citizens, 1.8 million.

01:29:25.000 Serbs, 312. People with disabilities living in institutions, up to 250,000.

01:29:31.000 Homos, 70,000.

01:29:33.000 No, homos are hundreds.

01:29:35.000 70,000.

01:29:36.000 Repeat criminal offenders and so-called associals.

01:29:40.000 What does that mean?

01:29:41.000 70,000 people.

01:29:42.000 So they killed 70,000 repeat offenders.

01:29:45.000 What if you were a Jewish gay?

01:29:47.000 Tough time to be alive.

01:29:49.000 Well, you were going either way.

01:29:50.000 You were going either way.

01:29:51.000 But you'd have to add, like, how do you want to go in?

01:29:54.000 What should you write on your thing?

01:29:56.000 Dude, that wasn't even 100 years ago.

01:29:58.000 That wasn't even 100 years ago.

01:30:00.000 People were bat-shit mad.

01:30:03.000 Yeah.

01:30:04.000 And killing people over religion and killing people in enormous numbers and trying to take over continents and storming into fucking new boundaries and killing people and people are hiding people in their basements.

01:30:16.000 That shit was 80 years ago.

01:30:18.000 Post-electricity.

01:30:18.000 How wild is that?

01:30:20.000 Shut the fuck up.

01:30:21.000 Well, it's just impressive that Hitler could have that much of an impact.

01:30:24.000 Yeah.

01:30:25.000 You gotta keep an eye on Stalin, dude.

01:30:28.000 Mao too.

01:30:30.000 But where else did they go?

01:30:32.000 Mao killed his own.

01:30:33.000 You're talking about you've got to cross borders to do it?

01:30:36.000 That's impressive.

01:30:37.000 There's a story, I forget who tells it, who told it that I read or listened to it.

01:30:42.000 They were talking about when Hitler was going to talk to Mussolini, and Mussolini apparently wanted to get out of the war, and Hitler, he was exhausted from the campaign.

01:30:52.000 So they shot him up with testosterone and cocaine.

01:30:56.000 Hitler?

01:30:56.000 Yeah.

01:30:57.000 Wow.

01:30:58.000 And he went running up to Mussolini, and he wouldn't shut the fuck up.

01:31:03.000 They injected cocaine into him, apparently.

01:31:05.000 This might not be real.

01:31:07.000 Yeah, there's all those rumors about that.

01:31:09.000 But that he talked, like, fucking ranted at him for five hours, and Mussolini's like, I'm...

01:31:13.000 These fucking cokeheads.

01:31:14.000 Okay, I don't know what people are trying to make.

01:31:16.000 We've all had that talk where you're like, we're not going to open a bar, man.

01:31:20.000 Dude, he's just sitting with you like...

01:31:21.000 I'm telling you, these fucking Jews, dude.

01:31:25.000 Where's the pussy around here?

01:31:26.000 Do you think that one of the things that was epic about those times was not just how insane it was with the World War, with literally the world's at war, but this is the first time a guy who's as fucking psychotic as Hitler has a microphone.

01:31:42.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:44.000 Thank God I didn't have a podcast.

01:31:45.000 There was no microphone before then.

01:31:47.000 So there was no broadcast.

01:31:48.000 So you couldn't do a thing where you would have 50,000 people in a square and you're like, And the whole place was like, It's a wild...

01:32:01.000 The microphone changed everything.

01:32:02.000 He would have been on an apple cart in the square.

01:32:05.000 Right.

01:32:06.000 Even though it's psycho.

01:32:07.000 Like fucking the Thomas Jefferson days.

01:32:10.000 You know, the Lincoln days.

01:32:11.000 True.

01:32:11.000 When they would stand out there and talk to people for five hours.

01:32:14.000 Yeah.

01:32:14.000 Right.

01:32:14.000 This is the first psychotic dictator that has a microphone.

01:32:19.000 It's a good point.

01:32:20.000 I mean, think about when you were with a heckler.

01:32:21.000 You have the mic.

01:32:22.000 You have so much advantage.

01:32:24.000 They were also...

01:32:24.000 Germans was up at the half.

01:32:27.000 What does that mean?

01:32:27.000 They were winning.

01:32:29.000 It's a sports game.

01:32:30.000 And then it turned around.

01:32:32.000 But he had to see a moment where he's like, I got this.

01:32:34.000 This is all going according to plan.

01:32:36.000 Take that, take that.

01:32:37.000 We're good.

01:32:38.000 He got greedy.

01:32:39.000 Also, micropenis.

01:32:41.000 That plays in.

01:32:42.000 That does play in.

01:32:43.000 I heard he had a huge dick.

01:32:45.000 Really?

01:32:47.000 I've heard micropenis.

01:32:48.000 It's a weird thing to focus on.

01:32:50.000 Well, it's a motivator.

01:32:51.000 It's like Kevin Hart.

01:32:52.000 If he was 6'2", he wouldn't be this hustly.

01:32:55.000 Guys with small dicks do work hard.

01:32:57.000 Oh, they work hard.

01:32:58.000 They gotta do it.

01:33:00.000 What is the Russian guy?

01:33:02.000 The Russian guy that fucked everybody?

01:33:03.000 Putin.

01:33:04.000 The giant dick.

01:33:05.000 You're thinking of...

01:33:07.000 Rasputin.

01:33:08.000 Rasputin.

01:33:08.000 Really?

01:33:10.000 He had a huge dog.

01:33:10.000 I wish you hadn't done that, dude.

01:33:11.000 I was gonna get it.

01:33:12.000 Yeah, I had it, Jamie!

01:33:13.000 Son of a bitch!

01:33:14.000 Jamie thinks he's better than everybody.

01:33:18.000 But Rasputin had a giant hog, and they actually pickled it.

01:33:21.000 So it's in formaldehyde.

01:33:23.000 You can see it?

01:33:24.000 You can see his hog.

01:33:25.000 That's it right there.

01:33:27.000 Weird shape.

01:33:27.000 By the way, that's his hog, Wimp.

01:33:30.000 Big dick energy.

01:33:31.000 Imagine how big that hog is.

01:33:33.000 It looks like a thumb, for real.

01:33:35.000 Upside down.

01:33:35.000 Oh no, it's way bigger than a thumb, bro.

01:33:37.000 That's your whole arm.

01:33:39.000 That is a root.

01:33:41.000 Even the foreskin couldn't keep up.

01:33:43.000 It's a turnip.

01:33:45.000 That does look like a root.

01:33:46.000 I think those were non-GMO dicks.

01:33:52.000 They were different back then.

01:33:53.000 Pickled 12 inches, it says.

01:33:55.000 12 inches soft.

01:33:57.000 12 inches soft.

01:33:58.000 If you have a dick that good, of course you can predict the future.

01:34:01.000 Big dick energy.

01:34:02.000 That guy was fucking everybody, and they had to kill him.

01:34:04.000 Do you think they could have juiced it up before they stuck it in there?

01:34:06.000 He was a giant dick freak.

01:34:08.000 Rasputin was Pete Davidson, and everyone was like, why is this guy fucking everything?

01:34:12.000 Exactly.

01:34:13.000 Somebody was like, I'm the czar, dude.

01:34:15.000 Pete Davidson with a John Holmes dick.

01:34:17.000 Who's Rasputin?

01:34:19.000 He's a Russian guy who seduced the wives of these guys.

01:34:30.000 Russia's greatest love machine.

01:34:32.000 According to a 1978 song by Eurodisco group Bonnie M. That one woman claimed to have such an intense orgasm that she fainted.

01:34:42.000 He's a giant hog.

01:34:43.000 This is the number one dance hit of all time.

01:34:46.000 What they're talking about right now.

01:34:47.000 The question is, does the mystical genitalia of the scandalous holy man simply exist in legend, or is it really still hanging around?

01:34:56.000 Well, we got the proof!

01:34:56.000 He was like a priest, Tsar, Nicholas brought him in.

01:35:00.000 There's a hog.

01:35:00.000 You know, I think it's like swollen with water because it's been sitting in there for a while.

01:35:03.000 Well, 12 inches swollen.

01:35:05.000 Stop complimenting yourself.

01:35:07.000 You could leave your dick in a jar for a million years.

01:35:09.000 It's soft, but it's engorged with water.

01:35:12.000 His dick has a knuckle.

01:35:14.000 It did some work to it.

01:35:15.000 Even the force has given up.

01:35:17.000 It's like, I can't make it to the end.

01:35:18.000 Hold on.

01:35:21.000 Jamie might be right.

01:35:23.000 What?

01:35:23.000 Yeah, it's a gorge.

01:35:24.000 No, no, no.

01:35:25.000 I think there's a stick in there.

01:35:26.000 That's a wart.

01:35:28.000 They cut a wart out.

01:35:29.000 Oh, you're right.

01:35:30.000 I think there might be a stick in there that's keeping it stretched out.

01:35:33.000 See, if you look at the tip of it, it looks like it's filled with something.

01:35:37.000 Like they stuck a fucking Sharpie in there or something.

01:35:41.000 Well, I think on his deathbed he's like, put a stick in my dick, will you?

01:35:43.000 That's what it looks like.

01:35:46.000 That's why the head looks so...

01:35:47.000 How do you get people to go to that museum?

01:35:49.000 Fluff me up before I die.

01:35:51.000 Well, you shouldn't go to that museum now unless you're in the neighborhood.

01:35:55.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:35:57.000 Hold on, I got a good one.

01:35:58.000 Shane's got one.

01:35:59.000 They're going to preserve mine in a shot glass.

01:36:02.000 Yeah.

01:36:04.000 God, you guys kept yapping.

01:36:06.000 I'm out here with gold.

01:36:08.000 There we go.

01:36:12.000 I'm out here with gold, dude.

01:36:14.000 That's what every man's afraid of, like a hypnotic mysticism type thing.

01:36:18.000 Tricking all your dumb wives.

01:36:19.000 Giant hog.

01:36:20.000 Because deep down we all know our women are dumb as hell.

01:36:23.000 And just any old fucking moron off the street can trick him.

01:36:27.000 Especially with a huge dog.

01:36:29.000 Yeah, especially if he's got like beads in his beard.

01:36:31.000 A robe with stars on it.

01:36:32.000 He's got like some Lou Albano shit type going on.

01:36:35.000 Nah, I hate a guy with beads.

01:36:36.000 And your dumb girl.

01:36:37.000 Beads in your beard.

01:36:38.000 It's like you pretend to know a lot about astrology.

01:36:41.000 You've got beads in your beard.

01:36:43.000 I can't talk to you.

01:36:44.000 I'm with the guys who killed Rasputin.

01:36:46.000 This gets weird.

01:36:46.000 Hell yeah.

01:36:46.000 This gets very weird right here.

01:36:48.000 What's weird?

01:36:49.000 Read it.

01:36:50.000 Legend says the 1920s Rasputin's daughter Maria, then a circus performer, who later tamed lions with the Hagenbeck-Wallace Circus, discovered a group of women in Paris that had been venerating her father's penis.

01:37:04.000 What does that mean?

01:37:05.000 Hold on, we gotta look at that word.

01:37:06.000 What is venerating?

01:37:07.000 No one knows what that word is.

01:37:08.000 Bragging about?

01:37:09.000 Talking about?

01:37:09.000 You don't know what venerating means?

01:37:10.000 Stop saying it before looking.

01:37:12.000 What is it?

01:37:12.000 What does venerating mean?

01:37:13.000 It means like praising.

01:37:15.000 What are you, a fool?

01:37:16.000 Did they teach you nothing at Jew high school?

01:37:19.000 It's to regard with reverential respect or admiring deference.

01:37:23.000 He was right.

01:37:23.000 Yes, he's right.

01:37:24.000 I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong.

01:37:25.000 An icon or a relic.

01:37:26.000 I do that.

01:37:26.000 Okay.

01:37:27.000 Venerating her father's penis.

01:37:29.000 They believed it could bestow fertility.

01:37:32.000 And they even handed out small pieces of it to those in need.

01:37:37.000 Like a relic.

01:37:38.000 Women who needed fertility would get a small piece of her dad's hog.

01:37:42.000 This is all crap.

01:37:43.000 I heard you can get a piece of his dick now for $99 million.

01:37:46.000 It's all not true.

01:37:47.000 It's like Bitcoin.

01:37:48.000 That's what Bitcoin is.

01:37:49.000 I heard you get a free cup of rhino horn tea.

01:37:53.000 Oh, the Asians.

01:37:55.000 A lot of people have that thing with rhino horns.

01:37:58.000 Grind it up.

01:37:59.000 Because it's not even good, but the idea is that rhinos are so close to being extinct that if you're one of those motherfuckers drinking rhino tea, you're living on top of the world.

01:38:09.000 I don't like that.

01:38:10.000 It's prestigious.

01:38:10.000 Are you hanging out with those people?

01:38:11.000 It's an Asia thing.

01:38:13.000 Actually, now I like it.

01:38:15.000 In some parts of Asia, it's only the creepiest of the creepy people.

01:38:22.000 It's not a normal thing.

01:38:23.000 You don't see black guys doing that stuff.

01:38:24.000 There was a place somewhere, I think it was in China, where this guy wrote this story about going to this place, and it's like an exotic thing that only happens once a year, but they serve them endangered species.

01:38:37.000 So they sit down, and protected species, I should say.

01:38:41.000 So you sit down, you can eat like lion, you can eat a gorilla.

01:38:45.000 Dodo burger.

01:38:45.000 Yeah, wild shit.

01:38:47.000 I forget where I read it.

01:38:48.000 It's the Squid Games people.

01:38:50.000 The problem is if you read something like that, it might just be some asshole journalist who thinks he's cute, who's going to make up some story about, like, how much documentation do you have to have about an anonymous place in China where they're serving guerrilla?

01:39:03.000 You can't trust anything you read.

01:39:05.000 No.

01:39:06.000 It's hard.

01:39:06.000 Right now?

01:39:07.000 Pretty much zero.

01:39:07.000 That's disinformation.

01:39:08.000 You hear that, Gupta?

01:39:11.000 It's hard.

01:39:12.000 You're not allowed to claim disinformation.

01:39:13.000 It's hard to know.

01:39:14.000 Oh.

01:39:15.000 You can only be accused of disinformation.

01:39:17.000 I thought it was misinformation.

01:39:18.000 Well, we're finding out now that all that shit that people got kicked off of YouTube for, the fucking CDC says now.

01:39:24.000 Isn't that weird?

01:39:25.000 It keeps flipping.

01:39:26.000 Well, it's going to keep flipping until the truth comes out.

01:39:29.000 There's a lot of what people already knew, like people that are experts in certain aspects, like that it's not dangerous for kids, or that a lot of the people that are getting it really badly are obese.

01:39:39.000 Everybody knew this.

01:39:40.000 But if you said it, For a while, it was a real fucking problem.

01:39:44.000 Like, you'd get eliminated and removed from platforms.

01:39:47.000 Now, all of a sudden, Jake Tapper can say it.

01:39:49.000 They can say, you know, how many people were hospitalized with COVID or because of COVID. Like, if you went into the fucking hospital and you had a broken leg, what are they saying?

01:40:00.000 Are you saying you're in the hospital because you have COVID? Or did you break your leg?

01:40:04.000 Can I just ask to make sure I know the right numbers?

01:40:06.000 Well, it's like they're starting to come clean on that now.

01:40:10.000 But they never seem to go, hey, we were wrong about that.

01:40:13.000 Sorry, everybody.

01:40:14.000 Yeah, they just move past it.

01:40:15.000 Yeah, they just keep going.

01:40:15.000 Well, that's what I do.

01:40:16.000 What are you talking about?

01:40:18.000 In their defense, the science changes.

01:40:20.000 The science changes, but just say the science changes.

01:40:22.000 Yeah, but just go, okay, hey, turns out we were wrong, everybody.

01:40:23.000 I said that earlier.

01:40:24.000 Take your tweet down, at least.

01:40:26.000 They're not allowed to question the science, and that's where things become a problem.

01:40:30.000 That's weird.

01:40:31.000 Like, the science changes, but sometimes some scientists have already anticipated that it's going to change.

01:40:37.000 They're like, this is new stuff.

01:40:38.000 But if you say it too soon, people get mad at you instead of just examining it.

01:40:42.000 Joe, can I stop you there?

01:40:43.000 I trust the science, dude.

01:40:44.000 Me too.

01:40:44.000 Shut up.

01:40:45.000 I do.

01:40:46.000 You're pissing me off with this stuff.

01:40:48.000 I do.

01:40:49.000 You're fucking pissing me off.

01:40:50.000 Uh-oh.

01:40:51.000 Are you serious?

01:40:52.000 I love it.

01:40:53.000 I'm getting nicotine.

01:40:55.000 Ew, what is those?

01:40:56.000 Patches?

01:40:56.000 I trust the science, too.

01:40:58.000 Do you want a cigar?

01:41:01.000 No.

01:41:02.000 No?

01:41:02.000 You don't like cigars?

01:41:03.000 You want one?

01:41:03.000 Ari wants one.

01:41:04.000 Yeah, if you guys do them.

01:41:05.000 Stop pretending you like cigars.

01:41:07.000 Come on, I love cigars.

01:41:07.000 Oh yeah, he does like cigars.

01:41:08.000 I love them.

01:41:09.000 He loves them.

01:41:09.000 Yeah, sorry I accused you of faking.

01:41:11.000 Ari and I have been smoking cigars for decades, son.

01:41:13.000 Anybody want one?

01:41:15.000 Alright, you talked me into it.

01:41:16.000 What are we getting?

01:41:17.000 These JRE cigars.

01:41:19.000 But Joe, I am serious.

01:41:20.000 Stop goofing off and joking about this type of COVID stuff.

01:41:23.000 Can you snip that?

01:41:24.000 It pisses me off.

01:41:27.000 Dr. Fauci.

01:41:27.000 Want me to do it for you?

01:41:28.000 If you're listening.

01:41:29.000 Yeah, I'm on Team Shane.

01:41:31.000 Dr. Fauci.

01:41:32.000 Dr. Fauci.

01:41:33.000 I'm fucking trying to hang out, dude.

01:41:36.000 There you go.

01:41:37.000 This is the best one.

01:41:38.000 It puts like a slice in it.

01:41:39.000 Oh, I like those.

01:41:40.000 That's my favorite.

01:41:41.000 I like those.

01:41:41.000 Labia.

01:41:42.000 I don't want a cigar yet.

01:41:44.000 So many fucking good cigars.

01:41:46.000 So we got a show tonight, huh?

01:41:48.000 Who's your guys' favorite?

01:41:49.000 How about last night?

01:41:50.000 That was great.

01:41:51.000 Hans Kim, Tom Segura, Ari Shafir, Mark Norman, Shane Gillis, Tony Hinchcliffe.

01:41:58.000 Talking about today, best lineup in the world that day.

01:42:01.000 100%.

01:42:02.000 Tom Segura.

01:42:04.000 Could've used some diversity.

01:42:05.000 We got a...

01:42:07.000 Hans?

01:42:09.000 I'm technically a Jew.

01:42:10.000 Tom's a fucking Mexican.

01:42:11.000 I'm technically a Jew.

01:42:12.000 Good point.

01:42:14.000 Not according to them.

01:42:15.000 They don't claim you.

01:42:17.000 They don't like you after you abandon them.

01:42:19.000 I have to take off.

01:42:20.000 I do not talk much to my old friends.

01:42:23.000 Oh, really?

01:42:23.000 It has put it straight in our relationships.

01:42:25.000 What are they doing?

01:42:25.000 Is it an issue?

01:42:26.000 Eating at one of very few places to eat.

01:42:28.000 That white one is a lighter tube.

01:42:32.000 What are they up to?

01:42:33.000 You know what?

01:42:33.000 I gotta fill that one.

01:42:34.000 Scheming.

01:42:36.000 Plotting.

01:42:36.000 Scheming.

01:42:37.000 Plotting.

01:42:37.000 Plotting the next big win.

01:42:39.000 Don't be hatin' that they're makin' that money.

01:42:41.000 This is what no one can say about Jews.

01:42:44.000 Here's a big thing about Jews.

01:42:45.000 Love it.

01:42:46.000 How many fucking people that are Jewish have won the Nobel Prize?

01:42:49.000 I mean, it's astonishing.

01:42:51.000 Massive amount.

01:42:52.000 Percentage-wise?

01:42:52.000 Yeah.

01:42:53.000 If you're looking at a characteristic...

01:42:57.000 Who's giving out the prize, dude?

01:42:59.000 Who's voting for the new...

01:43:00.000 That's what you never forget.

01:43:02.000 It's a good point.

01:43:03.000 It's a good point.

01:43:03.000 There's no Jews left in Norway.

01:43:05.000 It's just Jews voting.

01:43:06.000 They're like, you know who's the best?

01:43:07.000 Us, again.

01:43:09.000 Wow.

01:43:09.000 That's the best Jewish place ever.

01:43:15.000 Oh my god, it's us again!

01:43:17.000 Wow!

01:43:22.000 You've, like, combined Woody Allen with, like, some sitcom star.

01:43:26.000 I'm trying to figure out who it is.

01:43:27.000 You couldn't help but make it, like, a little more redneck.

01:43:29.000 And the Nobel Prize!

01:43:32.000 The Nobel Prize for best guy goes to us again.

01:43:36.000 We have one of those massive amounts.

01:43:37.000 That's fucking dead on, though.

01:43:39.000 That's gonna be an issue.

01:43:42.000 There we go.

01:43:44.000 Thank you.

01:43:45.000 You're welcome.

01:43:46.000 All right.

01:43:47.000 Well, I feel left out, dude.

01:43:48.000 You guys waited until I packed one of these fucking tight-ass sins.

01:43:51.000 No, that's good.

01:43:51.000 Do both at once.

01:43:53.000 No, it's too much nicotine.

01:43:54.000 My heart is close to exploding.

01:43:58.000 My heart is on the brink.

01:44:03.000 Nicotine, I don't believe, is bad for you.

01:44:05.000 It's bad for your heart, certainly.

01:44:07.000 Nicotine is?

01:44:07.000 Yeah.

01:44:08.000 You know, we started Googling this once and we stopped.

01:44:13.000 Good for your alertness.

01:44:13.000 It's like that nicotine is a supplement.

01:44:17.000 I thought it was like a medication for your heart.

01:44:21.000 No?

01:44:22.000 No, it's definitely bad.

01:44:22.000 If you're a big fat guy, you shouldn't be crushing it.

01:44:25.000 Yeah, it dilates blood vessels or something like that.

01:44:27.000 You're a big guy?

01:44:27.000 I'm trying to tell you, it's a supplement, bro.

01:44:28.000 You're doing great.

01:44:29.000 Thank you, dude.

01:44:30.000 Here it says, Nicotine's a dangerous and highly addictive chemical.

01:44:33.000 Dangerous!

01:44:33.000 It can cause an increase in blood pressure, heart rate, flow of blood to the heart, and narrowing of the arteries, vessels that carry blood.

01:44:40.000 Ay-yi-yi!

01:44:41.000 Nicotine may also contribute to the hardening of arterial walls, which in turn may lead to a fucking heart attack.

01:44:46.000 What happens- What do chicken wings do?

01:44:48.000 What do chicken wings do?

01:44:49.000 They give you a heart attack.

01:44:50.000 They also do heart attacks?

01:44:51.000 Okay, will you just look up...

01:44:54.000 It's nicotine.

01:44:55.000 I know, I know, I know.

01:44:56.000 Oh.

01:44:57.000 Will you look up...

01:44:59.000 How about this?

01:45:00.000 Not nootropic.

01:45:01.000 Just look up medicinal benefits of nicotine, please.

01:45:04.000 How about this?

01:45:04.000 Nicotine.

01:45:06.000 Nicotine.

01:45:07.000 All right, all right.

01:45:08.000 So here we go.

01:45:08.000 Let's put some letters in there.

01:45:09.000 Okay, here we go.

01:45:10.000 When chronically taken, nicotine may result in positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, reduction of body weight, enhancement of performance, and protection against Parkinson's disease, Tourette's disease, Alzheimer's disease, ulcerative colitis,

01:45:27.000 and sleep apnea.

01:45:28.000 Those are not benefits.

01:45:31.000 What are those?

01:45:32.000 I don't know, but it says benefits, but they're not.

01:45:35.000 Enhancement of performance and protection against Parkinson's, Tourette's, Alzheimer's.

01:45:41.000 Yeah.

01:45:42.000 Protection against.

01:45:43.000 I just want positive reinforcement.

01:45:47.000 Jamie's like, it gives you Parkinson's wig.

01:45:49.000 No, that's not what it does.

01:45:50.000 What's negative reinforcement?

01:45:51.000 Jamie, you must feel like a fucking idiot.

01:45:57.000 Some kind of clown.

01:45:58.000 You're not going to be on the show anymore.

01:45:59.000 No, Jamie.

01:46:02.000 You are right.

01:46:03.000 What does that mean?

01:46:04.000 Did I just get fired by Shane?

01:46:06.000 Weird.

01:46:07.000 Jamie, what does that mean?

01:46:08.000 Positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement.

01:46:11.000 What the fuck does that mean?

01:46:12.000 Reduction of body weight isn't good if you're skinny.

01:46:15.000 But both those things together, like look at that, it may result in positive or negative.

01:46:20.000 This is crazy.

01:46:21.000 Why are you attributing it to the nicotine?

01:46:22.000 Yeah.

01:46:22.000 If it could do either or.

01:46:24.000 It could be horrible or amazing.

01:46:27.000 That's like weed.

01:46:27.000 Weed gives some of you guys positive reno.

01:46:30.000 That's a good point.

01:46:31.000 That's a good point.

01:46:32.000 Are we talking about nicotine now?

01:46:34.000 Can I just say that you owe me an apology for the years that you screamed at me for smoking cigarettes and I see you smoking a fucking cigarette?

01:46:43.000 I smoke a cigarette before a show all the time.

01:46:45.000 That was a couple though.

01:46:46.000 You had a couple.

01:46:47.000 You gotta add that to like, hey, sorry about those years where I fucking- Get them, Ari!

01:46:50.000 Get them, Ari!

01:46:51.000 It's time for you to bulldog.

01:46:53.000 The problem is- Get in there, Jewface!

01:46:54.000 The problem is, as I smoke this cigar filled with nicotine, I'm not addicted like you.

01:46:59.000 Oh, come on!

01:47:01.000 Oh, shit!

01:47:02.000 You're too smart for this.

01:47:03.000 You're too smart.

01:47:04.000 Why are you smoking?

01:47:05.000 And you're a fucking smoker.

01:47:07.000 Only for four shows?

01:47:09.000 How many times do you do shows?

01:47:10.000 Every day?

01:47:11.000 No, not every day.

01:47:12.000 He does 20 shows a day now.

01:47:13.000 I like to smoke two cigarettes before a show.

01:47:19.000 It's nice.

01:47:19.000 It gives you a wild head rush.

01:47:21.000 You know what cigarettes have?

01:47:23.000 You would like these.

01:47:23.000 Like as a strategy.

01:47:25.000 You would like those?

01:47:25.000 Cigarettes have a lot of...

01:47:27.000 Fuck it energy to them.

01:47:29.000 There's something about the...

01:47:31.000 And I don't think you should smoke cigarettes, kids.

01:47:33.000 But there's something about the act of cigarettes that to me is like...

01:47:36.000 Pregnant women, smoke away.

01:47:37.000 It's similar to the act of drinking a shot of whiskey.

01:47:41.000 It's like, jeez, are you starting a forest fire?

01:47:43.000 What the fuck are you doing over there?

01:47:44.000 What the fuck, dude?

01:47:45.000 What are you doing?

01:47:48.000 Ari's pretending he's good at cigars, and it bothers me.

01:47:51.000 I know how to smoke.

01:47:52.000 Well, he hangs out with Bobby Kelly.

01:47:54.000 The thing is, there's shots of whiskey, shots of tequila, those types of things, even a cigarette.

01:48:02.000 They have a lot of fuck it energy.

01:48:03.000 It's like, let's go.

01:48:05.000 Yeah, dude, cigarettes are awesome.

01:48:06.000 That's what I was trying to tell you all along.

01:48:08.000 You were doing them all day, every day.

01:48:09.000 They're awesome!

01:48:11.000 Oscom.

01:48:13.000 Good name for the group.

01:48:15.000 Oscom.

01:48:17.000 Auschwitz.

01:48:18.000 We can't name the group, dude.

01:48:20.000 We're going to get it.

01:48:21.000 Naming the group is gay.

01:48:23.000 Shane's against nickname.

01:48:26.000 How about we call ourselves Amazon Prime?

01:48:28.000 Amazon Prime's a great nickname.

01:48:30.000 Good name for a transformer.

01:48:31.000 Amazon Prime is good.

01:48:33.000 How about...

01:48:36.000 How about Bezos' new look, huh?

01:48:37.000 He looks hot.

01:48:38.000 He's hot.

01:48:39.000 People are mad that Bezos is out having fun.

01:48:41.000 He's having fun.

01:48:42.000 Isn't that funny?

01:48:42.000 What are you supposed to do when you have 183 billion?

01:48:45.000 Well, he dresses like Pitbull.

01:48:47.000 I like that.

01:48:47.000 That was a party.

01:48:48.000 He was at a disco party.

01:48:49.000 Oh, it was?

01:48:50.000 Yeah, it was a costume party.

01:48:51.000 It was funny.

01:48:52.000 Somebody, I think, tweeted it.

01:48:53.000 It was like, here's the two richest guys on earth, and it was just Elon Musk tweeting memes that are fucking stupid.

01:48:59.000 And then Bezos hammered You expect to be a world leader.

01:49:05.000 They're just fucking 38-year-olds with cash.

01:49:07.000 Live it up.

01:49:07.000 You got the money.

01:49:07.000 Yeah, I have like 40 bucks and I'm getting fucked up.

01:49:10.000 Hell yeah.

01:49:12.000 Wouldn't you be disappointed if he didn't live that way?

01:49:14.000 Yeah.

01:49:15.000 If he didn't have this lady friend that's as hot as the sun?

01:49:19.000 You want him going to church?

01:49:20.000 Actually, she was fair to Midland, I'll be honest.

01:49:22.000 He's got $3 million cars.

01:49:23.000 I was doing better than Bezos when it came to Snizz.

01:49:25.000 I think it was worth the half a billion dollars to get rid of him.

01:49:27.000 This is what he wants.

01:49:29.000 He wants a super hot lady that's his age.

01:49:32.000 Oh my god.

01:49:33.000 See, when you're as old as he is, this is as old as I am.

01:49:35.000 I'll never be as old as him.

01:49:36.000 You're gonna die before that time.

01:49:38.000 Who is Lauren Sanchez?

01:49:39.000 That's his wife.

01:49:40.000 Or his new girlfriend or whatever.

01:49:41.000 Dan, Bezos is yoked.

01:49:43.000 He looks great.

01:49:44.000 He looks like Joe Rogan.

01:49:45.000 He does.

01:49:46.000 He's got that one vein that goes all the way down like the fucking Andy's.

01:49:49.000 Yeah, he's jacked.

01:49:50.000 He kind of looks like the guy from, uh, is it Robert Blake?

01:49:54.000 Jeff Bezos, listen to me.

01:49:55.000 You gotta learn jujitsu.

01:49:56.000 The jinx.

01:49:57.000 That's your next thing.

01:49:58.000 I know you don't have a job anymore.

01:49:59.000 You quit.

01:50:00.000 He quit?

01:50:01.000 Yeah, he's quit.

01:50:02.000 He's fucking hanging out and balling.

01:50:03.000 He's like, I'm just enjoying this now.

01:50:04.000 With 183 billion dollars.

01:50:05.000 Wait, wait, wait.

01:50:06.000 He got out.

01:50:07.000 He stopped being the CEO. Oh, well then let him do whatever.

01:50:10.000 I'm sure he wants.

01:50:11.000 He's living life.

01:50:12.000 Exactly.

01:50:12.000 Haters.

01:50:13.000 He probably still has a lot of stuff that he does.

01:50:15.000 I thought he was controlling the global slave factory.

01:50:18.000 See, it's a disco party.

01:50:19.000 Look, everybody's dressed in silver.

01:50:20.000 That's Apple.

01:50:21.000 They're all silly.

01:50:22.000 Oh my god.

01:50:23.000 Gonzalez?

01:50:25.000 He's balling out of control.

01:50:26.000 That was a fun party I heard.

01:50:27.000 Free suicide?

01:50:28.000 A lot of people at that party.

01:50:29.000 He's balling out of control.

01:50:31.000 Good for him.

01:50:31.000 Yeah, good for him!

01:50:33.000 Why can't you say good for him?

01:50:34.000 What's he supposed to be doing?

01:50:35.000 Why does everybody gotta be a hater?

01:50:36.000 Yeah, what else is he gonna do?

01:50:38.000 Exactly!

01:50:38.000 That shirt is awesome, that jacket's awesome.

01:50:41.000 Amazing.

01:50:42.000 But people want you when you're that far ahead of the game, like the game of like, how rich can you get?

01:50:48.000 Most people are fucking barely paying their bills.

01:50:51.000 Alright.

01:50:52.000 What's that?

01:50:53.000 How old do you think you're gonna be when your body stops working?

01:50:58.000 Fuck, dude.

01:50:59.000 I think 55 in those last five years.

01:51:01.000 I don't think the body's going to give out.

01:51:02.000 He'll get into drunk driving.

01:51:04.000 I don't drink and drive.

01:51:06.000 Come on.

01:51:06.000 You drove me here.

01:51:08.000 Guys, I can turn this ship around whenever I want.

01:51:12.000 That's what drunks always...

01:51:13.000 My dad said that before he hit my mom.

01:51:16.000 It was funny.

01:51:17.000 Jesus Christ.

01:51:18.000 I know.

01:51:19.000 Did he?

01:51:20.000 Yeah.

01:51:20.000 Whoa.

01:51:21.000 No.

01:51:22.000 That should be the JRA clip this week.

01:51:25.000 Yeah, pull the picture of my mama with the black eye.

01:51:27.000 Oh boy.

01:51:28.000 What the fuck, Mark?

01:51:29.000 Just find a regular picture of your mom and edit in a black eye.

01:51:31.000 Yeah, there you go.

01:51:31.000 Find a good one.

01:51:32.000 Flattering pose.

01:51:33.000 Pull up Rihanna.

01:51:34.000 The question was, when do you think my body's gonna shut down?

01:51:36.000 Yes.

01:51:37.000 It's coming.

01:51:37.000 It's shortly.

01:51:38.000 No.

01:51:39.000 No, it's happening now.

01:51:39.000 I can feel it.

01:51:40.000 When I wake up.

01:51:41.000 Oh, that's not good.

01:51:42.000 I thought we were joking around here.

01:51:43.000 Well, no, it's not a funny joke, dude.

01:51:45.000 I didn't know you were hurting.

01:51:46.000 Yeah, dude.

01:51:47.000 You wake up, you're like, where the fuck am I? Well, maybe it cooled on the crystals.

01:51:50.000 No, I like these.

01:51:53.000 Oh, the one thing I like?

01:51:55.000 You like comedy.

01:51:56.000 You like your lady?

01:51:58.000 Come on, buddy.

01:51:59.000 No, I'm joshing around, dude.

01:52:00.000 I can turn this around whenever I feel like it.

01:52:01.000 I don't know.

01:52:03.000 You think I'm gone?

01:52:03.000 I'm worried about it.

01:52:04.000 I don't think you can turn it around.

01:52:05.000 You're worried about it?

01:52:06.000 No, you're not turning it around.

01:52:06.000 You're staying that way forever.

01:52:08.000 Why are you guys worried about it?

01:52:09.000 I'm not worried about it.

01:52:09.000 I'm seeing you shirtless.

01:52:11.000 I worry about people.

01:52:12.000 I saw you guys shirtless, dude.

01:52:13.000 I wasn't saying anything.

01:52:15.000 It wasn't great.

01:52:16.000 I'm 20 pounds overweight right now.

01:52:17.000 It's bad, dude.

01:52:18.000 You're not 20 pounds.

01:52:19.000 I'll be down to that in one month.

01:52:20.000 You look like a hairless cat.

01:52:26.000 You ever see one of those cats?

01:52:27.000 That's exactly what Ari looks like.

01:52:29.000 And you were wearing underwear?

01:52:30.000 You were wearing skivvies only?

01:52:32.000 Pull up the picture of the cat, the hairless cat.

01:52:34.000 The face looks just like Ari.

01:52:36.000 It's insane.

01:52:36.000 Look at that!

01:52:37.000 That is Ari!

01:52:39.000 That's insane!

01:52:41.000 That looks like Ari after a shower.

01:52:43.000 Look at the face.

01:52:44.000 Those are weird cats.

01:52:46.000 That is an anti-Semitic cat.

01:52:47.000 Look at that!

01:52:48.000 Anti-Semitic.

01:52:48.000 It's completely Semitic.

01:52:50.000 Oh, you're right.

01:52:51.000 That cat.

01:52:52.000 I was an anti-Semitic.

01:52:54.000 It's fucking...

01:52:55.000 Those cats are like, my food's too dry.

01:52:57.000 Right, right.

01:52:58.000 This soup is lukewarm.

01:53:00.000 What do you think is about- I've been eating 70% of it, I realize.

01:53:03.000 Is this whole milk?

01:53:04.000 Why was Egypt so into cats?

01:53:06.000 Oh, they worship him.

01:53:07.000 They were really into cats.

01:53:09.000 Weird one to be into.

01:53:10.000 I prefer cow over cat.

01:53:12.000 The Indians made sense.

01:53:15.000 Big fucking sturdy instrument.

01:53:16.000 Well, not only that, the Indian origins of it they think has to do with psychedelic mushrooms.

01:53:23.000 Because they looked at a cat, they stared right at their pet, and they're like, what the fuck?

01:53:26.000 Oh, that's Indian.

01:53:27.000 Cows.

01:53:28.000 Indian cows.

01:53:29.000 Psychedelic mushrooms.

01:53:31.000 No, the speculation was that the idea was that at one point in time they realized that these mushrooms are coming from cow shit, and so those cows they thought of as sacred, and so you don't eat them.

01:53:43.000 Because they brought the thunder.

01:53:45.000 Exactly.

01:53:45.000 This is all speculative, because no one knows exactly what the origin, like when they decided not to eat cows.

01:53:50.000 But it totally makes sense.

01:53:52.000 It does.

01:53:52.000 If you have a religion that has something...

01:53:55.000 There's parts of...

01:53:58.000 Like the Hindu scriptures where you go back and they're trying to figure out what they were talking about, what they were taking, what drugs they were taking.

01:54:07.000 They don't know what they were taking.

01:54:09.000 They were taking something and they named them.

01:54:10.000 I forget what they named them.

01:54:12.000 When I was in college, I worshipped hogs.

01:54:16.000 A lot of drinking.

01:54:21.000 You don't like hogs anymore?

01:54:23.000 I try to grow out of it, you know?

01:54:24.000 I have a little self-esteem.

01:54:27.000 Man, how nice was a good hog?

01:54:28.000 Bring home a nice hog.

01:54:31.000 Nice hog.

01:54:32.000 We're doing this.

01:54:34.000 Tough to catch when they...

01:54:35.000 They love to slop.

01:54:38.000 Bringing home the bacon.

01:54:41.000 After a bar.

01:54:42.000 Good times.

01:54:44.000 Oh, man.

01:54:44.000 How bad was that, though?

01:54:45.000 When the lights turn on and you're just like, there she is.

01:54:48.000 There's my queen.

01:54:49.000 You roll over, you're still on her.

01:54:52.000 Ugh.

01:54:53.000 Yeah, that morning was rough.

01:54:55.000 That morning is like, why would I do that?

01:54:56.000 It was a wake-up call.

01:54:58.000 Good times.

01:54:59.000 The smell was different.

01:55:00.000 Yes!

01:55:01.000 A little stickier.

01:55:02.000 Yeah, a little stickier.

01:55:03.000 You're talking about fat ladies' vaginas smell different?

01:55:06.000 Just hogs.

01:55:07.000 Just something beneath your level.

01:55:08.000 More of the folds.

01:55:10.000 You wake up smelling mistake.

01:55:10.000 You wake up and you say, I'm above this.

01:55:12.000 Yeah.

01:55:13.000 You've made an error.

01:55:14.000 Oof.

01:55:15.000 No, I like those girls.

01:55:16.000 I do, too.

01:55:17.000 They're nice.

01:55:17.000 They're generous.

01:55:18.000 They're having fun.

01:55:18.000 You ever have someone show up, like, meet, and then when you meet, you're like, damn it.

01:55:23.000 This is not nearly what I was expecting.

01:55:25.000 That's all online dating.

01:55:27.000 There's no way to get out of it, though.

01:55:29.000 You have to go through with it.

01:55:30.000 But I'm that guy.

01:55:31.000 I'm the guy who does it.

01:55:32.000 I find the pictures where I look good, and then I show up, and I'm like...

01:55:35.000 Yeah, you're the fat chick.

01:55:36.000 Find the pictures you look good.

01:55:38.000 The angles.

01:55:41.000 Wearing a suit and tie at your brother's wedding.

01:55:44.000 I'm fat in a sweatsuit.

01:55:47.000 You gotta do that with your short guy.

01:55:49.000 If you're under six foot, I feel like you gotta get on a box.

01:55:53.000 All your celebrities are like, here's me with Tom Cruise!

01:55:56.000 I had one with me when I was on the dating apps.

01:55:58.000 It was me and Conan.

01:55:59.000 I looked like Brad Williams.

01:56:01.000 Brutal.

01:56:01.000 In your dating app picture, you're like, Conan is 6'7".

01:56:04.000 Yeah.

01:56:04.000 Have you ever seen that picture of the rocks standing next to these basketball players?

01:56:08.000 Yeah.

01:56:08.000 He goes, now I know what it looks like to be Kevin Hart.

01:56:10.000 It feels like to be Kevin Hart.

01:56:12.000 Yeah.

01:56:12.000 There's some giant humans out there.

01:56:14.000 Every time I've stood next to Shaq, I'm like, What?

01:56:17.000 Shaq is a weird one.

01:56:18.000 Yao Ming.

01:56:19.000 Look at that picture.

01:56:22.000 So Shaq is one of the guys.

01:56:24.000 There's Yao.

01:56:25.000 So it's Shaq and who's the...

01:56:26.000 Is it Charles Barkley?

01:56:27.000 There's four of them looking at evolution.

01:56:29.000 Look at that.

01:56:30.000 Whoa.

01:56:31.000 I'm telling you, dude, I've been around the Rockies enormous.

01:56:34.000 Look at that.

01:56:35.000 That's an evolution picture.

01:56:35.000 Look at the size difference.

01:56:36.000 Whoa!

01:56:37.000 One, two, three, four.

01:56:38.000 And Yao Ming is giant.

01:56:39.000 Look at the size of Yao Ming.

01:56:40.000 Giant.

01:56:40.000 They got the two tallest people in China to fuck.

01:56:42.000 Is that what they did?

01:56:43.000 On purpose?

01:56:44.000 True story.

01:56:45.000 And did they feed them anything special?

01:56:48.000 They feed them like, you know, goose liver.

01:56:52.000 Goose liver.

01:56:53.000 Goose liver is probably really good for you.

01:56:54.000 Pate.

01:56:55.000 Yeah.

01:56:56.000 No, liver is like one of the best things you can eat.

01:56:58.000 That's true.

01:56:58.000 Full of protein and vitamin A. There's a lot of stuff in there.

01:57:02.000 I think there's creatine in there, too.

01:57:04.000 Damn!

01:57:05.000 I might just bulk.

01:57:06.000 I might start crushing creatine.

01:57:08.000 But you won't be funny if you're buff.

01:57:10.000 No, he'll be great.

01:57:12.000 He'll be better.

01:57:12.000 He'll be like a football player and funny.

01:57:15.000 You don't see a lot of that.

01:57:16.000 Nope.

01:57:17.000 Gronk's not funny.

01:57:18.000 Gronk's not funny.

01:57:19.000 In fact, they keep trotting him out in every commercial.

01:57:21.000 I know.

01:57:22.000 In every commercial he's like, hey, I'm retarded.

01:57:24.000 Right.

01:57:25.000 He's just a frat dude.

01:57:26.000 This is kind of sad.

01:57:27.000 He's just a frat dude.

01:57:28.000 When I saw Nick DiPaolo in the 80s.

01:57:32.000 Nick DiPaolo in the 80s, 88, 89. Nick DiPaolo was a fucking hunk and he was built like a football player and he was hilarious.

01:57:38.000 He played college ball.

01:57:39.000 He was a hot man.

01:57:40.000 He was a big fucker.

01:57:40.000 He played Maine.

01:57:41.000 He was a sexy guinea.

01:57:42.000 Yeah, when I first met him, he was a big fucker, and he was really funny.

01:57:46.000 And I remember thinking, like, oh, you could be funny and still be jacked.

01:57:50.000 I think if you're stylish, it's lame.

01:57:53.000 He was pretty stylish.

01:57:54.000 Was he?

01:57:54.000 Stylish is lame.

01:57:55.000 Italians can get away with it, because it borders gay.

01:57:58.000 I think black guys can be stylish.

01:58:01.000 Black guys can be stylish.

01:58:03.000 Black guys can be stylish.

01:58:05.000 What's the overlap with Italians and gay?

01:58:06.000 I don't know, but there's this thing where you can be super into your looks as an Italian.

01:58:11.000 Sebastian could go either way.

01:58:13.000 Good point, good point.

01:58:14.000 He's clearly heterosexual, but he's also color-coordinated.

01:58:19.000 So Italian that he's like, oh, this could be gay.

01:58:22.000 Groomed.

01:58:23.000 Not a hair out of place.

01:58:24.000 He's kind of a metro.

01:58:25.000 He's got a good show, a cooking show.

01:58:27.000 It's funny.

01:58:28.000 Oh, really?

01:58:28.000 Yeah, he's got a funny show.

01:58:29.000 I forget what it's called.

01:58:31.000 What's Sebastian's cooking show?

01:58:33.000 Plug.

01:58:34.000 Shane and I were talking about this today, that Sebastian, back in the days before he was famous.

01:58:38.000 If you get high and sit in the back of the OR, and no one's around, so you're just like, no conversation.

01:58:43.000 It's like he was one of the best high watchers.

01:58:47.000 Really?

01:58:47.000 Yeah.

01:58:48.000 Oh, there he is.

01:58:48.000 Look at that gay guy.

01:58:49.000 Sebastian brings his signature comedy to the kitchen.

01:58:51.000 What is this on?

01:58:52.000 Well Done.

01:58:53.000 It's called Well Done.

01:58:54.000 Is it on the Food Network?

01:58:55.000 Oh, good title.

01:58:56.000 It says Discovery Plus.

01:58:57.000 Discovery Plus.

01:58:58.000 Wow, there's so many channels now.

01:59:00.000 Not doing great.

01:59:00.000 He really loves cooking.

01:59:02.000 So it's something fun for him.

01:59:04.000 There you go.

01:59:05.000 It's not work.

01:59:06.000 No, but he knows what he's doing.

01:59:07.000 Wops love cooking, dude.

01:59:08.000 They do.

01:59:09.000 They love cooking.

01:59:10.000 That's another thing.

01:59:10.000 Gays and Wops.

01:59:12.000 Both love it.

01:59:13.000 Bro, I'm right here.

01:59:13.000 Doing lady work.

01:59:14.000 I'm right here, Ari.

01:59:16.000 Cooking is lady work.

01:59:17.000 I always forget.

01:59:18.000 Fuck.

01:59:19.000 You're a wop, Joe.

01:59:20.000 Mostly wop.

01:59:21.000 What's the other part?

01:59:22.000 Irish?

01:59:22.000 Irish.

01:59:23.000 Yeah.

01:59:23.000 Classic.

01:59:24.000 You're funny.

01:59:25.000 That's very American.

01:59:26.000 Neither one of those are a privileged white.

01:59:29.000 Nope.

01:59:29.000 Irish are the N-words of Europe.

01:59:31.000 Yeah.

01:59:32.000 Well, my grandparents, when they came over here, it was funny.

01:59:34.000 At one point in time, the way some people looked at Mexican people, that's the way people looked at Italian people.

01:59:40.000 You got that right.

01:59:41.000 The people that were just coming in here.

01:59:42.000 And those are the ones throughout history.

01:59:44.000 Whether it was the Jews at one point in time, they're usually like...

01:59:48.000 The fighters, like boxers.

01:59:49.000 Like Slapsy Maxi Rosenblum.

01:59:51.000 There was like a bunch of famous Jewish...

01:59:55.000 That's a guy.

01:59:56.000 That was a real guy.

01:59:56.000 What's his name?

01:59:57.000 Slapsy Maxi.

01:59:58.000 He was like a real legit boxer.

02:00:01.000 There was quite a few Jewish boxers back in the day.

02:00:03.000 We were the good boxers.

02:00:04.000 Very good boxers.

02:00:05.000 We were street.

02:00:05.000 And then Italians.

02:00:06.000 And then there was a lot of Puerto Ricans.

02:00:08.000 And then, well, it was always African Americans, especially from the Jack Johnson days.

02:00:15.000 If you ever watch the Jack Johnson days, those are wild fights.

02:00:19.000 Because all the white people want him to lose, and he's better than all the white people, so he's knocking them out.

02:00:22.000 And he was fucking white chicks.

02:00:26.000 Fucking white chicks, and they would have race wars over his fights.

02:00:28.000 The German could not possibly lose to the black.

02:00:31.000 Bro, he fucked everybody up.

02:00:32.000 Jack Johnson fucked.

02:00:33.000 And they think that even when he lost, when he eventually lost the title, he might have taken a dive.

02:00:37.000 Because you see when he goes down, he's kind of holding his head up.

02:00:41.000 It looks like he's kind of relaxing.

02:00:42.000 Yeah.

02:00:43.000 He's like, I'm done with this.

02:00:44.000 Or you got paid.

02:00:45.000 Who was the guy who Cinderella, man?

02:00:47.000 Max Melling?

02:00:48.000 No.

02:00:49.000 No, that was the other guy.

02:00:51.000 Max Melling was the guy that Joe Louis fought.

02:00:53.000 He was German.

02:00:54.000 And he won the first one.

02:00:56.000 Yeah, he knocked out Joe Louis in the first fight, and then Joe Louis annihilated him in the second fight.

02:01:00.000 And it was like one of those things where it was like United States...

02:01:03.000 World War II. Yeah, World War II. It was our patriotism on the line, and Joe Louis was the best of the best of America, and he fucked Max Smelling up, and it was a big moral victory for us.

02:01:13.000 And black people.

02:01:14.000 Also black versus German, yeah.

02:01:16.000 Joe Louis was so crisp.

02:01:18.000 But you know back then a heavyweight champion was only like 190 pounds?

02:01:22.000 Rocky Marciano.

02:01:23.000 Rocky Marciano I think was 185 pounds.

02:01:27.000 Wow.

02:01:27.000 That's why Tyson Fury might be.

02:01:29.000 The best ever.

02:01:30.000 He might be.

02:01:31.000 What?

02:01:31.000 If you matched him up, if we had a time capsule type thing.

02:01:35.000 Dude, he's 6'9".

02:01:35.000 He's gigantic.

02:01:36.000 The big white guy?

02:01:37.000 Yes.

02:01:37.000 He's 6'9".

02:01:38.000 He might be the greatest ever.

02:01:40.000 The guy who licked the guy?

02:01:41.000 What's that?

02:01:42.000 He licked the guy, right?

02:01:42.000 Yes.

02:01:43.000 Yeah, that guy.

02:01:44.000 He's fun.

02:01:44.000 When do you lick him?

02:01:45.000 The way he was beating up Deontay Wilder in the rematch.

02:01:48.000 He licked his blood.

02:01:49.000 So they had one fight.

02:01:50.000 The fight went to a 12-round draw.

02:01:53.000 Hey, but this is the middle of the fight.

02:01:55.000 The fight was still going on.

02:01:56.000 He licked him.

02:01:57.000 He was fucking him up.

02:01:58.000 This fight was the second fight.

02:02:00.000 So the first fight, it was a draw.

02:02:02.000 And Tyson Fury knocked him out in, look at this.

02:02:06.000 There it is!

02:02:06.000 The second fight.

02:02:08.000 Oh, gross!

02:02:09.000 He's more having fun, I think, than everything.

02:02:11.000 That guy eats out a girl in a period.

02:02:12.000 I don't think he actually licked him.

02:02:13.000 For sure he does.

02:02:14.000 But I don't think he actually licked him.

02:02:16.000 He just did a little tongue wiggle.

02:02:18.000 Did it touch?

02:02:19.000 No, that's a touch.

02:02:20.000 That's a touch.

02:02:21.000 That's a touch.

02:02:23.000 That's a touch.

02:02:23.000 It's hard to say.

02:02:25.000 Hard to say.

02:02:26.000 We've got to ask Deontay.

02:02:27.000 Hard to say.

02:02:27.000 You might get in trouble for that.

02:02:28.000 It might be like sexual assault.

02:02:30.000 Probably, but he won't.

02:02:31.000 If a guy does that in a fight, if a guy kisses a guy in a fight, is that legal?

02:02:34.000 If you lose a fight, you can't be like, I was also sexually assaulted.

02:02:40.000 That's an even bigger loss.

02:02:42.000 What if a guy, I want to know this for true, because I don't know if it's true.

02:02:46.000 I'm a professional commentator.

02:02:48.000 Can a guy get on top of a guy, get him in a triangle and kiss him?

02:02:53.000 That's assault.

02:02:54.000 If you did that, you would win.

02:02:56.000 But if you held him, if you had like his arms completely octopused up, like you've got his arms trapped to your leg, you're mounting him.

02:03:02.000 He's yours.

02:03:03.000 His arms are trapped and you decide you're gonna kiss him.

02:03:05.000 That would be demeaning.

02:03:06.000 Yeah, but he signed up for it.

02:03:07.000 No, he didn't sign up for that.

02:03:08.000 Yeah, but you signed up for like whatever happens, happens.

02:03:11.000 It's me and you.

02:03:11.000 But it's not in the rule book.

02:03:12.000 I wonder if there's a rule.

02:03:13.000 I don't know if it is.

02:03:14.000 It's not in the rule book.

02:03:15.000 You can kiss.

02:03:15.000 I bet one of those refs would dive in.

02:03:17.000 You know how the UFC did it?

02:03:18.000 Dive in.

02:03:19.000 They would explode.

02:03:20.000 They'd launch themselves.

02:03:22.000 We promise nothing gay.

02:03:24.000 Just guys wrestling.

02:03:26.000 Has there been a gay fighter?

02:03:27.000 Oh yeah, for sure.

02:03:29.000 Statistically, I mean.

02:03:30.000 Well, there's one guy, yeah, one guy actually had done gay porn.

02:03:33.000 Also a lot of the female division.

02:03:36.000 Well, that's clear.

02:03:36.000 A lot of the females.

02:03:37.000 Come on, I've seen those.

02:03:39.000 It goes without saying.

02:03:41.000 You know, Mike Tyson said Jack Dempsey was his favorite.

02:03:45.000 Jack Dempsey was awesome.

02:03:46.000 Again, like 190. Irish?

02:03:49.000 Yeah, I don't think...

02:03:50.000 How big was Jack Dempsey?

02:03:51.000 He might have been lighter than that.

02:03:53.000 I do not think he was that.

02:03:55.000 I'm bigger than 190 right now.

02:03:56.000 No one was doing steroids back then.

02:03:57.000 Right.

02:03:57.000 No one was eating the wheat we're eating now.

02:04:01.000 No one had corn syrup and all that bullshit that we're eating.

02:04:03.000 They were just eating steaks and salads and stuff.

02:04:06.000 Yeah, and drinking a lot.

02:04:08.000 Sure.

02:04:09.000 Especially...

02:04:09.000 Jack Dempsey had a great look.

02:04:12.000 Great look.

02:04:12.000 He just had a look of someone who was going to fuck you up.

02:04:14.000 Yeah.

02:04:15.000 You know, like an old-school guy who probably worked on a railroad somewhere.

02:04:18.000 Yeah.

02:04:18.000 Exactly.

02:04:19.000 It's crazy.

02:04:20.000 Those guys got on a train, they'd go to St. Louis, beat someone up.

02:04:23.000 187. There he is!

02:04:25.000 He's middleweight, right?

02:04:25.000 6'1", 187. He'd cut to 185. Well, middleweight in the UFC. Yeah, that would be in the UFC. But in boxing, that would be cruiserate.

02:04:33.000 Kid Blackie.

02:04:34.000 Really?

02:04:34.000 No, Jack.

02:04:36.000 Oh, yeah.

02:04:36.000 Kid Blackie.

02:04:37.000 Oh, wow.

02:04:38.000 Why?

02:04:38.000 I wonder what that means.

02:04:39.000 Because he knocked people out of blackjacks?

02:04:41.000 He had black hair.

02:04:43.000 He had black hair.

02:04:44.000 Will you pull up a video on Jack Dempsey?

02:04:48.000 William Harrison, Jack Dempsey.

02:04:50.000 He was a ruthless fuck, man.

02:04:53.000 Raging Bull guy.

02:04:53.000 What was his name?

02:04:55.000 Raging Bull guy.

02:04:56.000 Jake LaMotta.

02:04:57.000 LaMotta.

02:04:57.000 Yeah.

02:04:58.000 He said his dad in the Bronx used to throw pennies at the kids and they would fight and whoever won got all the pennies.

02:05:03.000 So this guy was like, you know, this is in the days when everybody wore hats.

02:05:08.000 Look at all those guys wearing hats.

02:05:10.000 What year are we talking?

02:05:11.000 It's also a colorized video, so it's interesting.

02:05:13.000 Yeah, I don't like that.

02:05:14.000 I don't like those colorized videos.

02:05:15.000 That looks amazing, though.

02:05:16.000 It does, but...

02:05:17.000 No, that looks bad.

02:05:18.000 You know it's bullshit.

02:05:19.000 Like, that's what I want.

02:05:19.000 I want to see that old shit, that black and white shit.

02:05:21.000 I think that...

02:05:22.000 Yeah, they don't need to colorize this.

02:05:25.000 The black guy beat him up, I think.

02:05:26.000 Yeah, this is fine.

02:05:27.000 Jack Dempsey fucked a lot of people up, dude.

02:05:30.000 Look at that.

02:05:31.000 What was he, 6'2"?

02:05:32.000 6'1".

02:05:33.000 Wow.

02:05:34.000 6'1", 187, and he was the heavyweight champion of the world.

02:05:36.000 That was tall back then, I think.

02:05:38.000 Well, the weight, too.

02:05:39.000 The weight is the big thing.

02:05:41.000 Oh!

02:05:42.000 He fucked a lot of people up, man.

02:05:44.000 Were the rules different?

02:05:45.000 Yeah, he had smaller gloves.

02:05:47.000 Look how small these gloves are.

02:05:48.000 These are like little bag gloves.

02:05:49.000 They really popped them.

02:05:50.000 Oh, yeah.

02:05:51.000 Man.

02:05:51.000 Look at all those old men with those stupid delivery man hats.

02:05:55.000 This guy pulling them off.

02:05:56.000 Jack Dempsey was a fucking animal.

02:05:58.000 And Mike Tyson patterned a lot of his attitude about fighting from Jack Dempsey.

02:06:03.000 And a lot of other people.

02:06:04.000 Mike said that this is the guy who inspired him the most.

02:06:07.000 Yeah.

02:06:07.000 But, you know, he was inspired by Sonny Liston.

02:06:11.000 Oh, nice one.

02:06:13.000 As the ref's backing him up.

02:06:14.000 Look, he's a handsome guy.

02:06:16.000 He is.

02:06:16.000 Great head of hair.

02:06:17.000 Brett Ernst.

02:06:18.000 If you could go back in time and have a conversation with one of these guys and they had no idea that you lived in 2022. The N-word would be flying.

02:06:25.000 Flying.

02:06:27.000 Could you imagine going back and talking to a guy from like 1920?

02:06:31.000 Tough to communicate with.

02:06:32.000 That would be fun.

02:06:33.000 It would be strange, man.

02:06:34.000 The printing press is going to ruin our ideas on life.

02:06:37.000 I think that was a lot earlier, Ari.

02:06:39.000 Your histories.

02:06:40.000 Shane, tell them.

02:06:41.000 He's like, how about cars?

02:06:42.000 Gutenberg?

02:06:43.000 That was one of you guys.

02:06:44.000 Shane's always surprised.

02:06:45.000 Mass media?

02:06:47.000 That was you guys.

02:06:47.000 Yeah, the beginner of media.

02:06:49.000 If you could go back and talk to a guy from 1920, that would be like talking to someone who's in a dream.

02:06:57.000 If you know about 2022, just imagine if you know what's going to happen in 2022, and then all of a sudden you're sitting in a bar with some guy in the 1920s.

02:07:07.000 Who's just sitting there, nursing his beer, like, everyone's smoking indoors, no one knows anything about what the future's gonna hold.

02:07:16.000 Yeah.

02:07:16.000 And you could sit down with this guy like, you don't have no idea what's gonna happen.

02:07:19.000 No idea.

02:07:20.000 None.

02:07:20.000 You don't have a fucking clue about World War II, you don't have a fucking clue about cars, you don't have a fucking clue about planes, phones.

02:07:27.000 In baseball, they will cheat, and no one will care.

02:07:31.000 Yeah.

02:07:32.000 Is that real?

02:07:33.000 You wouldn't be allowed in the bar.

02:07:34.000 Yeah, the Astros.

02:07:35.000 I guess the Irish need not apply.

02:07:36.000 What happened?

02:07:36.000 White Sox.

02:07:37.000 White Sox, but people cared back then.

02:07:39.000 When did the Astros cheat?

02:07:40.000 Oh.

02:07:41.000 When they won the fucking title.

02:07:42.000 They fucking won the World Series.

02:07:43.000 That's why this dude on your podcast sat with an asterisk, a Houston asterisk hat.

02:07:46.000 How did they cheat?

02:07:47.000 They read signs, they start beating the fucking back of a trash can.

02:07:51.000 There was a rumor that they had a fucking Morse code ticker taped to their thigh.

02:07:58.000 That would be like one fastball, breaking ball.

02:08:03.000 How do they know?

02:08:04.000 The catcher?

02:08:05.000 You can put somebody in center field that reads the catcher's signals.

02:08:09.000 They beat a drum to let you know.

02:08:11.000 A couple pitchers were like, hey, something's up.

02:08:13.000 Let me tell you my next five pitches.

02:08:15.000 So the catcher decides, or the catcher suggests.

02:08:19.000 Yeah, he suggests it.

02:08:20.000 The catcher reads what the pitcher says.

02:08:21.000 What he's thinking.

02:08:22.000 He's like, are you thinking basketball?

02:08:23.000 He's like, yeah.

02:08:23.000 He goes, no.

02:08:24.000 No.

02:08:25.000 And they got caught.

02:08:26.000 This was our year.

02:08:28.000 Can I see that again?

02:08:29.000 This was the year that Brody died, that we were supposed to win the title.

02:08:32.000 You like the Yankees?

02:08:32.000 And this was our year, and they robbed it, and they sent Brody Stevens to hell.

02:08:37.000 That's kite flying, dude.

02:08:38.000 You're a Yankees fan?

02:08:39.000 Been a Yankees fan.

02:08:39.000 Aren't you from Maryland?

02:08:41.000 Jews, New York.

02:08:43.000 That's where we're from.

02:08:44.000 Okay, back it up.

02:08:45.000 The broadcast feed doesn't matter.

02:08:47.000 It's this part that's coming up where you can hear from inside.

02:08:49.000 So I think it's where you can hear the things.

02:08:52.000 Oh, okay.

02:08:53.000 Oh, you can see it?

02:08:54.000 Look at the picture.

02:08:58.000 Off speed.

02:08:59.000 Oh, it's hitting the trash can or whatever?

02:09:01.000 Yeah, so there's lots of ways they would give signals.

02:09:04.000 He's telling them what pitch is exactly coming.

02:09:05.000 This is the champ in the seventh game of the fucking game.

02:09:08.000 There is a part of baseball that's cool, which is like old school cheating like banging a trash can is kind of okay.

02:09:14.000 For real?

02:09:15.000 Is that legal?

02:09:16.000 Yeah, I mean, it kind of makes the game cool.

02:09:17.000 It signals.

02:09:18.000 Like, watch out.

02:09:19.000 Because they talk like this over their mouth because people, like, they're reading their lips.

02:09:22.000 But then they got beat every game.

02:09:24.000 Every game the next season, every pitcher fucking beamed every player.

02:09:28.000 This guy was running home after a home run near the end of the game, and he was telling his teammates to not.

02:09:32.000 Oh, yeah, he was saying, there's no clicker on me.

02:09:33.000 That was it.

02:09:34.000 He supposedly had a clicker on him.

02:09:35.000 He was like, don't mob me.

02:09:36.000 He's like, don't touch my shirt.

02:09:37.000 Don't touch my shirt.

02:09:39.000 That's what they were saying was going on here.

02:09:40.000 Twelve hundred retweets.

02:09:41.000 You know.

02:09:43.000 It's also allegedly.

02:09:45.000 He's covering it up.

02:09:45.000 So he's worried they're going to grab him and open up there and you see a buzzer.

02:09:49.000 Whoa!

02:09:50.000 But what was also cool is then they would hit home runs the next season and rip their shirt and be like, that was me.

02:09:56.000 Yeah, you weren't like a non-MLB player.

02:09:59.000 You just were fucking stealing pitches in massive moments.

02:10:02.000 Yeah, it was cool.

02:10:02.000 They might as well have just got caught and everyone's doing it.

02:10:04.000 Dude, Rob Lowe was on this podcast wearing a Houston Asterix hat.

02:10:08.000 Astroids.

02:10:08.000 No, it's Astros.

02:10:10.000 He wears a Houston Asterix hat.

02:10:12.000 Whoa, really?

02:10:12.000 Oh, Asterix.

02:10:14.000 Yeah, like they won, but that should not have been a win.

02:10:16.000 Oh!

02:10:17.000 Damn!

02:10:18.000 Did you know this, Mark Norman?

02:10:19.000 I did not.

02:10:20.000 I'm learning.

02:10:21.000 I thought Rob Lowe was gay.

02:10:22.000 Right there.

02:10:23.000 Look at that hat.

02:10:23.000 That's Asterix.

02:10:24.000 That's a huge Asterix hat.

02:10:26.000 Wow.

02:10:28.000 He's even hotter now.

02:10:29.000 He's hotter now.

02:10:30.000 He's a fucking gay man.

02:10:31.000 And that wasn't easy.

02:10:32.000 He was already hot.

02:10:33.000 You like Rob Lowe.

02:10:34.000 Handsome.

02:10:35.000 We got any more BLs?

02:10:36.000 There's a cooler down next to you.

02:10:39.000 Any more Glenlivet's out?

02:10:42.000 We got this, though.

02:10:44.000 I'll take a little Macal.

02:10:46.000 Thank you, sir.

02:10:47.000 What, are there beers in there?

02:10:48.000 We're gonna polish off two bottles and a case.

02:10:50.000 No, these bottles are already half done.

02:10:52.000 Oh, I was trying to sound cool for the audience.

02:10:54.000 Friends forever, that's adorable.

02:10:57.000 Is there any ice left in that?

02:10:59.000 That's a non-Photoshop picture.

02:11:01.000 Just the two of them hanging out.

02:11:03.000 That's wild.

02:11:04.000 They were buddies, dude.

02:11:05.000 Hell yeah.

02:11:06.000 Friends forever.

02:11:07.000 You know Trump didn't even fucking bang any of the kids.

02:11:10.000 He went and hung out with the staff.

02:11:11.000 What a pussy.

02:11:12.000 Is that what you heard?

02:11:14.000 Oh yeah.

02:11:14.000 Was that on Gab?

02:11:15.000 It's true.

02:11:17.000 I don't know where I heard that.

02:11:18.000 Are you going to get his son on the pod, Junior?

02:11:21.000 I don't know.

02:11:22.000 Norton used to love him.

02:11:23.000 Norton used to hang out with him.

02:11:24.000 Norton?

02:11:25.000 Yeah.

02:11:25.000 Really?

02:11:26.000 Yeah, he's friends with John Dudley.

02:11:29.000 I don't know what that is.

02:11:30.000 My buddy, the Archer.

02:11:32.000 Ah.

02:11:34.000 Good show, Archer.

02:11:35.000 He's going ONA a lot, right?

02:11:35.000 He used to be.

02:11:36.000 Did he?

02:11:37.000 Mark.

02:11:37.000 Back when ONA was ONA. He had like one beer.

02:11:40.000 I've had three scotches.

02:11:42.000 Do you think ONA could be replicated?

02:11:44.000 You could do another.

02:11:45.000 Please give him another scotch.

02:11:46.000 Do you think they could ever replicate ONA again?

02:11:48.000 No.

02:11:49.000 I think it's got to be a podcast, though.

02:11:51.000 That's the only way.

02:11:51.000 We have to be a podcast.

02:11:53.000 And we have.

02:11:53.000 Your mom's house does more than what they do.

02:11:55.000 But I'm not saying that.

02:11:56.000 I'm like, could those guys get together again?

02:11:58.000 Could ONA ever get together again?

02:12:00.000 I would love to see it.

02:12:01.000 Here's the question.

02:12:02.000 Is it late night?

02:12:03.000 Is it too late for ONA to get back together?

02:12:05.000 No, listen to me.

02:12:06.000 Opie, Anthony, and Jim Norton, if they got back together right now...

02:12:11.000 It wouldn't be the same.

02:12:12.000 Shut the fuck up.

02:12:13.000 It would not be the same.

02:12:14.000 You know it.

02:12:14.000 It wouldn't be the same.

02:12:15.000 It doesn't have to be the same.

02:12:16.000 It would be sensational.

02:12:17.000 They'd fight on camera.

02:12:19.000 That'd be fun.

02:12:20.000 Yeah, that'd be something.

02:12:21.000 And fights was always good.

02:12:22.000 I think it would work out.

02:12:24.000 Thank you.

02:12:25.000 You know what I was thinking today, which would be sad?

02:12:27.000 That would be interesting.

02:12:28.000 Dude, it would be a hit.

02:12:29.000 Could they get back together?

02:12:30.000 Sure.

02:12:31.000 It would be O and A have to resolve it.

02:12:33.000 Listen.

02:12:33.000 Nothing.

02:12:34.000 I wasn't thinking about anything, by the way.

02:12:35.000 Listen, wouldn't we go visit them?

02:12:38.000 Wouldn't we go on that show?

02:12:39.000 Wouldn't we go on that show?

02:12:40.000 Wouldn't everybody start going on that show again?

02:12:42.000 Yeah.

02:12:43.000 Everybody would go on that show again.

02:12:44.000 You wouldn't even be invited, dude.

02:12:47.000 That's a good point.

02:12:48.000 Don't even start pondering.

02:12:50.000 I would like to see other comics on there.

02:12:52.000 It was a fun show to listen to.

02:12:53.000 Because he was a jerk.

02:12:54.000 Because he's mean.

02:12:55.000 He's mean.

02:12:56.000 He's cranky because he has his Snickers.

02:12:58.000 Rewind the tape.

02:13:00.000 Alright, that's good.

02:13:01.000 That's good.

02:13:02.000 Alright, alright, alright.

02:13:04.000 Try to remember that.

02:13:05.000 Okay.

02:13:06.000 We're gonna start getting you back into this.

02:13:07.000 Getting back into the comedy.

02:13:08.000 The swing of things.

02:13:09.000 Shut up.

02:13:10.000 Because right now you stink.

02:13:11.000 Wait, you do comedy?

02:13:13.000 You stink.

02:13:16.000 He was good in the Catskills.

02:13:20.000 Killing it.

02:13:23.000 Shacky Shaffir, my uncle.

02:13:26.000 That you should do a history of comedy in the Shaffir family.

02:13:29.000 All me through the years.

02:13:30.000 Shacky Shaffir.

02:13:34.000 Bro, that would be fucking hilarious.

02:13:36.000 That could be really funny.

02:13:38.000 You have a guy on the Mayflower.

02:13:39.000 Roosevelt just died.

02:13:41.000 That guy was a piece of shit, am I right?

02:13:42.000 A bunch of people like, boo!

02:13:47.000 Could you imagine what it would be like to be in a comic in the 50s?

02:13:50.000 It's so easy.

02:13:51.000 Everything is open game.

02:13:52.000 You're just like, hey, that's a good joke.

02:13:54.000 Thank you.

02:13:54.000 Men and women are different.

02:13:55.000 Well, this guy's a genius.

02:13:57.000 They are!

02:13:57.000 I've never thought about it!

02:13:58.000 They're different!

02:13:59.000 Right.

02:14:00.000 Black people are late.

02:14:01.000 Oh my god!

02:14:02.000 This is cutting edge!

02:14:02.000 Holy shit, they are late!

02:14:04.000 Yeah!

02:14:04.000 Have you guys seen Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?

02:14:06.000 Yeah, first season and a half.

02:14:08.000 It was cool, but they spoke to it fast.

02:14:10.000 It was real fucking theater-y.

02:14:12.000 Well, I felt like it was really good, but the second season I kind of lost interest for some reason.

02:14:17.000 You just can't do stand-up on TV. You can't do it.

02:14:20.000 It just never works.

02:14:21.000 Listen, that's close to it.

02:14:23.000 The stand-up sucks.

02:14:24.000 The stand-up sucked on Seinfeld.

02:14:25.000 Well, that was real stand-up.

02:14:28.000 You can do real stand-up.

02:14:32.000 I'm telling you, Maisel is better than like Punchline.

02:14:36.000 It's like as close as you can get as to someone doing stand-up.

02:14:39.000 You have to suspend disbelief.

02:14:41.000 Speaking from the heart.

02:14:42.000 They always do that.

02:14:43.000 I'm going to forget all the preparation that goes into stand-up.

02:14:46.000 And I'm just going to speak from the heart.

02:14:47.000 That's what makes us have a hard time.

02:14:49.000 Miss Maisel going up and going, you know what?

02:14:51.000 Can I just talk about my fucking asshole husband?

02:14:53.000 And everyone thinks it's that easy.

02:14:55.000 I know.

02:14:56.000 It sometimes is though.

02:14:59.000 Like for some people.

02:15:00.000 Like a Joey Diaz character.

02:15:01.000 Like Joey Diaz can go on stage and you could have said something to him right before he went on stage.

02:15:07.000 And he'll go on stage mad at you and shit all over that thing and murder.

02:15:12.000 I mean murder.

02:15:14.000 I've seen him do it.

02:15:15.000 I've seen him go on stage with something that literally just happened.

02:15:18.000 He trained a lot, though, to be able to do that.

02:15:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:15:21.000 No, no doubt.

02:15:22.000 But Joey in the parking lot could always do that.

02:15:25.000 Joey in the parking lot could always make everybody laugh.

02:15:29.000 Like, back when Joey wasn't doing that good on stage, because there was a period, I don't know how long it was, you'd have to ask him.

02:15:36.000 You don't always have to be doing great on stage.

02:15:40.000 There was a period where Joey couldn't figure it out.

02:15:44.000 He didn't have the right confidence or something on stage, but then he got it, and when he got it, he was a monster.

02:15:53.000 It was instantaneous, man.

02:15:56.000 I've never seen anybody go from bombing a lot to murdering every time.

02:16:01.000 It wasn't just that he would do well, he would kill on a level that you couldn't breathe.

02:16:05.000 Holy shit.

02:16:06.000 Yeah.

02:16:06.000 Holy shit.

02:16:07.000 I've never seen him on stage once.

02:16:09.000 Oh my god.

02:16:10.000 Dude, there was moments where, in the early 2000s, he was so funny that you would go, what am I doing?

02:16:19.000 How am I doing this?

02:16:20.000 So different than him.

02:16:22.000 Really?

02:16:23.000 He was an animal.

02:16:23.000 It was never captured on film, the best moments.

02:16:26.000 But it's universal.

02:16:27.000 You've asked all of us.

02:16:29.000 All of us that were around the store at that time, like, who's the funniest guy you've ever seen?

02:16:33.000 You're like, Joey Diaz.

02:16:34.000 He's the funniest guy I've ever seen.

02:16:37.000 He would hit these notes that would, like, I've seen people murder.

02:16:41.000 I've seen, like, Louis murder, and Chris Rock murder, and Chappelle murder, and Holtzman murder, and I've seen everybody murder.

02:16:49.000 Bill Burr murder.

02:16:50.000 I've seen all these people murder.

02:16:51.000 He just keeps murdering.

02:16:52.000 He murdered to the point where, like, you were just like, what?

02:16:54.000 Where are we?

02:16:56.000 Like you hit some new level of air.

02:16:59.000 Long extended, like, can't breathe moments.

02:17:00.000 He would host at the store for open mic night in Potluck, and he would be, like, he would have, like, the list of who's next, and he would be like, I can't even tell it.

02:17:08.000 He would just be like this, but then he would be looking at the list and, like, still talking, and he would be going like this with his Coke hand.

02:17:13.000 Like this.

02:17:14.000 He goes, next up!

02:17:16.000 Yo, fuck it!

02:17:17.000 And then he would go off on somebody and he goes, next up!

02:17:19.000 Machinowitz!

02:17:20.000 Machinowitz!

02:17:20.000 He would mispronounce somebody's name and then that was it.

02:17:23.000 It was the moment, the Joey sets with the best sets were the moment where he knew his friends were there.

02:17:28.000 Like if he knew we were hanging out in the back of the room and he knew the crowd knew who he was, he would go on stage like a gunslinger.

02:17:35.000 And we would all, I'm telling you man, like we lined up back there a hundred times to watch him.

02:17:40.000 Yeah, you watch him late night.

02:17:41.000 High late night, he was great.

02:17:43.000 Yeah, he was always great.

02:17:45.000 But there was just moments where he...

02:17:47.000 He felt the groove.

02:17:49.000 He just rode the fucking wave.

02:17:51.000 Yeah.

02:17:52.000 And it's almost like the people that were there those nights, they saw it.

02:17:55.000 They got it.

02:17:56.000 They know what you're talking about.

02:17:57.000 The people that have seen Joey murder, they know it.

02:17:59.000 But for the rest of the public, we've got to figure out a way to get that down.

02:18:03.000 Because he's not doing stand-up right now.

02:18:04.000 Well, podcast is a good thing for him.

02:18:06.000 Oh, yeah.

02:18:07.000 Podcasts are great for him, but stand-up is better.

02:18:10.000 He's a great stand-up.

02:18:12.000 And he has some fucking points, too, that sneak up on you.

02:18:16.000 He's also a master of, like...

02:18:19.000 One of the best storyteller comics of all time.

02:18:21.000 Of all time.

02:18:22.000 Somebody should film him secretly so you can capture that moment.

02:18:25.000 He's not doing stand-up right now.

02:18:27.000 That's the problem.

02:18:28.000 Actually, no.

02:18:29.000 No one film him secretly.

02:18:30.000 Well, don't put out all of it.

02:18:31.000 Just saying, if there's a hot moment.

02:18:33.000 Joey's a master of economy of words.

02:18:35.000 He makes you realize the quicker you can get to a punchline, the less people are going to figure out where you're going with it.

02:18:41.000 He sneaks up on you and hits you with it, and you're like, bah!

02:18:44.000 And then, for me, it made me think, oh, I should do more of that.

02:18:47.000 Like, that's a strategy.

02:18:48.000 Like, to get your jokes down to the bare minimum of the amount of words you need to say.

02:18:54.000 Because sometimes you don't think about that.

02:18:56.000 But then you watch a guy like Joey, and, like, it has...

02:18:58.000 They're all funny bits.

02:19:00.000 He's performing them fantastic, but they're also...

02:19:03.000 The economy of words is amazing.

02:19:04.000 Doesn't think twice about saying the worst things.

02:19:07.000 Like, he's so casual about drug use on stage.

02:19:10.000 It's just almost like, you've all...

02:19:11.000 Like, dunk coke off a stripper's tit.

02:19:13.000 It's almost like he skips past that to get to the next thing.

02:19:16.000 Remember that bit he used to do about lighting some stripper's wig on fire?

02:19:19.000 Was it a hooker?

02:19:20.000 A hooker's wig.

02:19:21.000 Lighting a hooker's wig on fire.

02:19:23.000 It's like...

02:19:24.000 His bits were so crazy.

02:19:27.000 I hate those guys with spiky hair.

02:19:28.000 They look like they're giving you a blowjob and you pull them up and they're like, I'll just do it myself.

02:19:35.000 He just had so many bits.

02:19:36.000 They were so crazy.

02:19:38.000 It was all bits about doing coke and staring out the window with your cat.

02:19:46.000 You and the cat are paranoid.

02:19:48.000 It was...

02:19:50.000 And he just doesn't do it?

02:19:51.000 He just stopped doing it.

02:19:53.000 He moved to Jersey.

02:19:55.000 He never comes to New York.

02:19:56.000 No, never.

02:19:56.000 When I heard he was moving to Jersey, I was like, this will be sick.

02:19:58.000 It's a bit of a haul.

02:19:59.000 I thought I was going to see him all the time.

02:20:00.000 He's older.

02:20:01.000 He's excited.

02:20:02.000 He's got a successful podcast and a family, and I think he's enjoying just being in New Jersey and just relaxing.

02:20:07.000 I heard he was doing the Stress Factory, like popping in.

02:20:09.000 He did a little bit, but he hasn't in a while.

02:20:12.000 Last time I talked to him, when we were down there, we had dinner with him, and he said he hadn't done it in a while.

02:20:17.000 He loves it.

02:20:18.000 Dude, I was like, maybe we could talk this guy into moving to Texas.

02:20:21.000 But then when we went down there, I'm like, oh my god, he's the king of New Jersey.

02:20:24.000 He loves it.

02:20:24.000 He's the king.

02:20:25.000 He goes to family-style barbecues.

02:20:27.000 Yeah, dude, he's the king.

02:20:28.000 I'm telling you, when you see how you go to a restaurant with Diaz, you're like, oh, okay.

02:20:32.000 Yeah, he's never leaving.

02:20:33.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:20:34.000 He's still alive.

02:20:34.000 I'm fine.

02:20:36.000 That was always a thing.

02:20:38.000 Every time somebody died, you're like, Joey Diaz is still alive and so-and-so died.

02:20:41.000 You guys have stronger genes than you.

02:20:43.000 Hey, Artie Lang's done, man.

02:20:44.000 You saw the antibodies?

02:20:46.000 Yeah, well, Artie Lang's been clean for a long time now, right?

02:20:49.000 Well, he's been saying that for years.

02:20:51.000 You don't believe him?

02:20:52.000 Nah.

02:20:52.000 Yeah, he was doing a lot of Bud Lights.

02:20:54.000 He was doing it for a little while.

02:20:56.000 He was a Bud Lighter.

02:20:56.000 A lot of Calzone.

02:20:57.000 That was his issue.

02:20:58.000 But he's been sober for a while, right?

02:21:00.000 That's what he tells you.

02:21:01.000 I think he is.

02:21:02.000 I bought Coke off him last week.

02:21:06.000 Artie's selling now.

02:21:08.000 He's full on dealing.

02:21:09.000 He paid for his nose job.

02:21:11.000 He had to go resort to selling Coke.

02:21:13.000 He might be the funniest guy in conversation I've ever met.

02:21:16.000 Just hanging out with him.

02:21:16.000 Oh, he's one of the funniest guys in conversation.

02:21:19.000 He's another guy that everybody loves.

02:21:20.000 You know what's nice about him?

02:21:22.000 He gives it up, too.

02:21:23.000 He does!

02:21:24.000 I remember the first time I did Anthony Cumia's show.

02:21:30.000 He was on it.

02:21:31.000 It was him and Artie.

02:21:33.000 And I said something funny, and I was brand new, so people were like, shut the fuck up.

02:21:37.000 But he was the one guy that leaned back in his chair and was like...

02:21:40.000 Good job.

02:21:41.000 That was funny.

02:21:42.000 Yeah.

02:21:42.000 And everybody else in the room just kept talking.

02:21:45.000 Yep.

02:21:45.000 Because when you're the new guy, they're like, who gives a fuck what you have to say?

02:21:48.000 Of course.

02:21:48.000 Don't you hate that?

02:21:49.000 Yeah.

02:21:49.000 That was a long time in New York.

02:21:51.000 The order of hierarchy.

02:21:51.000 It's also, it's so dumb.

02:21:52.000 It's like, I have a good joke.

02:21:53.000 It's so dumb.

02:21:54.000 Yeah, somebody said something funny, but he was the only guy that was like, that was good.

02:21:58.000 And he was the funniest guy in the room.

02:22:01.000 He was the funniest guy in the room.

02:22:03.000 The funniest guys are always the most secure.

02:22:06.000 It's always the unfunny guy who's a dick and won't give it up.

02:22:09.000 You say that, but there's a lot of funny guys that are super selfish, too.

02:22:13.000 True, true, true.

02:22:14.000 It's weird, man.

02:22:15.000 Some good comics that have no comic friends.

02:22:18.000 They're like, what the fuck is- What happened to you?

02:22:20.000 What's going on with you, man?

02:22:21.000 What are you even doing out there by yourself?

02:22:23.000 Right.

02:22:24.000 Dude, we were filming.

02:22:24.000 This is not happening.

02:22:25.000 Artie was supposed to do it.

02:22:26.000 And I put him on last, on the order.

02:22:27.000 And this manager agent comes up and says, hey, can you go on first instead?

02:22:30.000 I'm like, uh, sure, but he's like the biggest name.

02:22:33.000 Yeah.

02:22:34.000 And they're like, well, he's asleep.

02:22:36.000 So I'm like, I'll get him up first.

02:22:38.000 Absolutely.

02:22:39.000 And then he killed!

02:22:40.000 Yeah, he did.

02:22:41.000 Wow.

02:22:43.000 Wow.

02:22:43.000 He was tweeting.

02:22:45.000 He told me years ago that celebrities would pay him to tweet for them.

02:22:50.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:22:51.000 So he'd be tweeting for Kim Kardashian.

02:22:52.000 He'd be like, you're a comedian.

02:22:53.000 I need to be clever.

02:22:54.000 He'd be like, I did another heroin bump.

02:22:57.000 Kim Kardashian's like, what the fuck?

02:23:00.000 That's hilarious.

02:23:01.000 I was on MADtv with him in like 1996. Wow.

02:23:06.000 You were on MADtv?

02:23:07.000 Yeah, he played just a sketch where I met Callan.

02:23:10.000 I didn't know you were on that.

02:23:11.000 Yeah, I was a host of MADtv.

02:23:13.000 They had hosts?

02:23:15.000 No, it was just one episode.

02:23:16.000 Kind of like an SNL host?

02:23:17.000 Yeah, same thing.

02:23:19.000 Shamers always more of a MADtv guy.

02:23:21.000 I like MADtv better.

02:23:22.000 This is me and him.

02:23:23.000 Whoa!

02:23:27.000 Damn, Joe.

02:23:28.000 When you see it in black and white, it looks like it's so old.

02:23:34.000 He looks like Gleason.

02:23:35.000 Yeah.

02:23:35.000 This sketch is about golf, and Joe's like, can we change you to box so you're going to show off my physique?

02:23:38.000 Now, he would say, that's not true.

02:23:40.000 How dare you?

02:23:41.000 Did you get sucked that night?

02:23:42.000 Made me feel uncomfortable about being shredded.

02:23:44.000 Did you cut weight?

02:23:44.000 Joe, did you get sucked that night?

02:23:48.000 From a gal?

02:23:49.000 Yeah.

02:23:49.000 I think I had a lady friend at the time.

02:23:51.000 Did she suck you?

02:23:52.000 Hopefully.

02:23:53.000 Hopefully.

02:23:54.000 You look good as hell in that, dude.

02:23:55.000 You ever get sucked?

02:23:56.000 You should get sucked a lot.

02:23:57.000 Looking like that, that's a guy who should get sucked.

02:23:59.000 If the world is fair.

02:24:00.000 But, um, we became friends, like, right away.

02:24:03.000 He was always the coolest fucking guy.

02:24:05.000 Like, he was always, like, from jump.

02:24:07.000 From meeting him.

02:24:08.000 Like, when I hung out with Callan and him on the set of that show, like, you know, you got, like, these actor-y types, and they're uncomfortable.

02:24:15.000 They're awkward.

02:24:16.000 Callan types.

02:24:17.000 I didn't want to say his name.

02:24:18.000 But then there was me and Artie, and we're just fucking palling around like comics.

02:24:24.000 When you run into a real comic on a set, it's so fun, so nice.

02:24:29.000 I think he was a pool hustler for a while.

02:24:32.000 Oh, yeah.

02:24:32.000 No, he can play pool.

02:24:33.000 I met him at Down and Dirty with Jim Norton, who was in the back.

02:24:36.000 Never met him before.

02:24:37.000 And he was just in the green room.

02:24:39.000 He's just story after story.

02:24:41.000 He's like, oh, who is this guy?

02:24:42.000 And he never runs out of stories.

02:24:43.000 That's the thing.

02:24:44.000 Only the coolest people do heroin.

02:24:46.000 Yeah, true.

02:24:48.000 Dorks don't do heroin.

02:24:49.000 You're absolutely right.

02:24:49.000 I think a lot of dorks do heroin.

02:24:51.000 I think this is incorrect, and this is going to get us kicked off of YouTube.

02:24:54.000 CDC. C.D.C., are you listening?

02:24:57.000 He can play some pool.

02:24:58.000 Yeah, he can play some pool.

02:25:00.000 I played pool with him.

02:25:01.000 I was like, dude, you actually know how to play.

02:25:03.000 He moves the ball around really good.

02:25:04.000 He would be a dock worker if not for a sense of humor.

02:25:06.000 I think he did work on a dock.

02:25:08.000 I think he did.

02:25:09.000 I think he was like a longshoreman, wasn't he?

02:25:10.000 Yeah.

02:25:11.000 What?

02:25:12.000 He's the real deal.

02:25:13.000 He is a man of the people.

02:25:14.000 Hey, you're a longshoreman today, you fucking suburban cunt.

02:25:18.000 They just don't work.

02:25:19.000 Hey, the Suburban Cunts.

02:25:21.000 Yeah, that's pretty good.

02:25:23.000 Suburban Cunts.

02:25:24.000 I'm not urban folks like you guys.

02:25:26.000 It's a better name for the Real Housewives.

02:25:27.000 Suburban Cunts.

02:25:28.000 Suburban Cunts is perfect.

02:25:30.000 I do live in the city.

02:25:32.000 I'm urban.

02:25:33.000 You live in the city?

02:25:34.000 I live in Manhattan, in the city.

02:25:36.000 Queens is where I live.

02:25:38.000 Is that the real city city?

02:25:40.000 Nothing open.

02:25:41.000 Nothing but fucking immigrants and me.

02:25:43.000 That's what I like.

02:25:44.000 Shane wants to be angry all the time.

02:25:46.000 He just sits in his poor circle.

02:25:47.000 No, I like the immigrants.

02:25:49.000 They ruined the neighborhood I just got to.

02:25:50.000 It's the most diverse place in the country.

02:25:52.000 Queens are the best.

02:25:52.000 Do you like it because they're the most raw, they're newly arrived in America, they've got hopes and dreams, they haven't turned into yuppies.

02:26:00.000 They're not pretentious.

02:26:03.000 Intentious, right.

02:26:03.000 I do not want to see, every time I see a white person in New York, I don't like them.

02:26:07.000 We went to Washington Square Park when they started.

02:26:09.000 I see them, I'm like, why are you here, you fucking loser?

02:26:12.000 No immigrant is a he, him.

02:26:14.000 No.

02:26:14.000 Every immigrant's there like, I'm trying to sell.

02:26:17.000 We're trying to sell some shit.

02:26:18.000 I got fish to haul.

02:26:19.000 If you see people with their pronouns in their bio, just block them.

02:26:22.000 Just like, you're not going to be great for my life.

02:26:24.000 I just have to not.

02:26:25.000 Well, they're mean.

02:26:26.000 That's a good way to exit out.

02:26:28.000 That's a good way to exit out of that.

02:26:29.000 Just get, go, stop, stop.

02:26:31.000 And I don't mean if it's like she, her, or he, him.

02:26:34.000 Even if you're trans and you're he, her, or she, him.

02:26:37.000 I'm talking about those they, them motherfuckers.

02:26:39.000 Right.

02:26:39.000 Like, no.

02:26:40.000 For me, it depends.

02:26:43.000 If they're actually a they-them, if you see them and you're like, damn, that's something different.

02:26:48.000 If it's me being like, by the way, I'm fucking he-him.

02:26:53.000 Here's the one that drives me crazy.

02:26:56.000 The he-they.

02:26:58.000 That's more interesting.

02:27:00.000 I say anyone who lists their pronouns at all.

02:27:03.000 Get out of here.

02:27:04.000 Get out of here.

02:27:04.000 Maybe He-Man was ahead of his time.

02:27:06.000 We're not even talking about that.

02:27:07.000 He-Man.

02:27:08.000 The cartoon knew what he was doing.

02:27:09.000 He slash man.

02:27:10.000 He slash man.

02:27:11.000 If you get fat enough, you gotta start going by they.

02:27:16.000 Oh, you plural now, motherfucker.

02:27:18.000 There's two of you.

02:27:19.000 Them.

02:27:20.000 You just said that so we wouldn't say that about you.

02:27:21.000 What?

02:27:23.000 I knew you couldn't get to that joke.

02:27:24.000 I was about to get to it.

02:27:25.000 You literally couldn't get to that joke.

02:27:28.000 Do you think they think they're showing solidarity to people that are struggling with their trans identity when they're putting he, him in their pronoun and they have a fucking beard?

02:27:40.000 Right.

02:27:40.000 You know, if it's a guy with a beard and he writes he, him in his bio, what's he doing there?

02:27:44.000 Is he showing solidarity?

02:27:46.000 No, he's trying to make it about him.

02:27:47.000 Oh.

02:27:47.000 He's trying to make it about he, him.

02:27:49.000 Narcissism.

02:27:49.000 Is it possible he's just a really nice guy?

02:27:52.000 Is that possible?

02:27:52.000 It's possible.

02:27:53.000 There's a couple of those.

02:27:54.000 There's a couple of nice guys.

02:27:55.000 They're out there, but the other ones are ruining it.

02:27:57.000 But most of them aren't.

02:27:58.000 It's the active ones online.

02:27:59.000 Well, this is the problem with identity politics, right?

02:28:02.000 Anything with identity.

02:28:03.000 People vary so much inside every fucking group.

02:28:06.000 The idea of lumping everybody together in terms of right, left, black, white, Asian, this, that.

02:28:11.000 Stop.

02:28:12.000 It's true.

02:28:13.000 So much variety in humans.

02:28:14.000 It's weird.

02:28:15.000 We're so fluid on gender, but we're so...

02:28:17.000 Hard up on everything else.

02:28:18.000 Are you black?

02:28:19.000 Are you a man?

02:28:20.000 Are you a right?

02:28:21.000 Are you a left?

02:28:23.000 No one's accepting transracial.

02:28:25.000 Transracial is just not going to fucking make it.

02:28:27.000 I don't think any of us are in a position to talk about that.

02:28:32.000 Can you give me that black lighter?

02:28:33.000 And get some more ice, will you?

02:28:35.000 Can I get that lighter?

02:28:36.000 Thank you.

02:28:37.000 I think we have ice.

02:28:39.000 No, we have plenty.

02:28:39.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

02:28:40.000 I mean, water.

02:28:41.000 Like a Poland.

02:28:42.000 Water.

02:28:43.000 Oh, you want water?

02:28:44.000 We have water.

02:28:44.000 We have a whole bucket of water.

02:28:45.000 I got a cigar.

02:28:46.000 I got a whiskey.

02:28:47.000 Does that metal thing have water in it?

02:28:49.000 I drank it.

02:28:50.000 Oh, here.

02:28:51.000 I'll give you some more.

02:28:51.000 Oh, thank you.

02:28:53.000 I didn't know you had a spare agua.

02:28:55.000 There's a whole pitcher here, buddy.

02:28:57.000 Isn't it crazy?

02:28:58.000 Mexico, you can't drink the water?

02:28:59.000 It's like, come on.

02:29:00.000 What are we doing here?

02:29:01.000 What's crazy is they can.

02:29:02.000 Oh, is that right?

02:29:03.000 Oh, well, then they're doing it right.

02:29:05.000 We just don't have the gut flora for it.

02:29:07.000 We've been too coddled.

02:29:08.000 Yeah, we have bitch-ass water.

02:29:10.000 That's why they don't get COVID. Uh, they have ivermectin.

02:29:13.000 Oh, really?

02:29:14.000 Mexico does?

02:29:15.000 Mexico, yeah.

02:29:15.000 I took it.

02:29:16.000 Yeah.

02:29:17.000 Really?

02:29:17.000 It's medical disinformation.

02:29:18.000 No negative side effects.

02:29:19.000 I just want to state for the record, neither Ari Shafir nor myself are doctors.

02:29:23.000 I'm not a doctor.

02:29:24.000 Well, you're Jewish.

02:29:25.000 But I could play one on TV if I was a better actor.

02:29:27.000 Your name could be Dr. Shafir.

02:29:29.000 Easily.

02:29:29.000 That sounds like a doc.

02:29:30.000 I think a lot of people are vaccinated in Mexico, too, though.

02:29:33.000 There you go.

02:29:34.000 I think, um, I don't know, what is, uh, what's the rate of vaccination for COVID in Mexico?

02:29:39.000 See, here's the thing, you couldn't even have this conversation on YouTube.

02:29:42.000 Weird.

02:29:42.000 If we had this conversation on YouTube, people would be freaking out.

02:29:45.000 We're just people sitting around talking.

02:29:46.000 Yeah, we want to know about our Mexican brethren.

02:29:48.000 Yeah, this is what it's like when people sit around talking.

02:29:50.000 They talk about all kinds of stuff.

02:29:51.000 To say you can't talk about all kinds of stuff because people are listening.

02:29:54.000 Do you feel at the end of COVID? Do you feel that at all?

02:29:57.000 Yes, 100%.

02:29:58.000 It feels like it.

02:29:59.000 Because this one is not so bad for a lot of people.

02:30:01.000 See, look at that.

02:30:01.000 Mexico's got 149 million people vaccinated.

02:30:04.000 56%.

02:30:04.000 Where do you get 56%?

02:30:07.000 The percentage.

02:30:08.000 People.

02:30:09.000 People fully vaccinated is 72 million.

02:30:11.000 So percentage of fully vaccinated?

02:30:13.000 Oh, fully vaccinated.

02:30:14.000 I'm looking at percentage versus a million.

02:30:15.000 56, that's great.

02:30:16.000 I thought it was 72%.

02:30:17.000 So 72 million is pretty fucking good, and 56% is pretty fucking good.

02:30:21.000 I hear Mexico City is awesome.

02:30:23.000 I've never been.

02:30:23.000 It just went on Thanksgiving.

02:30:25.000 Yeah?

02:30:25.000 Amazing.

02:30:26.000 Really?

02:30:27.000 So cool.

02:30:27.000 So much art, so much food.

02:30:29.000 The tacos everywhere.

02:30:30.000 Really?

02:30:31.000 Oh, they're so fucking good.

02:30:33.000 Are they Mexican-Mexican?

02:30:34.000 Or Spaniard-Mexican?

02:30:36.000 No, I'm Mexican-Mexican, but they do have that upscale, like, we're better than you, Spaniard.

02:30:40.000 Oh, really?

02:30:41.000 That's fun.

02:30:42.000 The traffic there is insanity.

02:30:44.000 Like, when you go through an intersection, people are going left and right.

02:30:48.000 You've been, when'd you go?

02:30:48.000 Yeah, I was there for the UFC a couple times.

02:30:51.000 The people, they know how to do it, though.

02:30:54.000 That's normal.

02:30:55.000 They just merge.

02:30:58.000 People are like, the red light is a suggestion.

02:31:01.000 Maybe you should stop, but whatever.

02:31:04.000 And people are just jamming up fucking lanes.

02:31:06.000 It's wild.

02:31:07.000 It's wild to watch.

02:31:08.000 Yeah, I went to Italy with my lady and I had to drive, and it's a different world.

02:31:12.000 Those cul-de-sacs?

02:31:13.000 Those turny things?

02:31:14.000 They go opposite sides in Italy?

02:31:15.000 Roundabouts.

02:31:16.000 Look at this.

02:31:16.000 No, it's the same side.

02:31:17.000 At 390 cities in 48 countries studied, Mexico City has the most traffic congestion in the world.

02:31:23.000 Hey, there you go.

02:31:23.000 Wow.

02:31:24.000 Number one, Mexico City.

02:31:26.000 It's massive, too, so you can't get across town.

02:31:28.000 Look at that.

02:31:28.000 Drivers in the Mexicans spend an average of 66% of their time stuck in traffic.

02:31:33.000 Wow.

02:31:33.000 Holy shit.

02:31:35.000 Go for it.

02:31:35.000 So those people, like, there's no need to have a fast car in Mexico.

02:31:39.000 Where are you going?

02:31:40.000 LA. US. LA. We've been there.

02:31:43.000 LA traffic.

02:31:44.000 Everybody has to go fairly slow.

02:31:47.000 That's one thing that happens when you go to certain places, like certain parts of the world.

02:31:52.000 You see all these economy cars.

02:31:54.000 Everyone has an economy car and you go, whoa.

02:31:57.000 And then you realize, oh, the way we live is weird.

02:32:00.000 The luxury of just getting to where you're going?

02:32:02.000 Well, not just that.

02:32:03.000 People have big-ass trucks and shit.

02:32:05.000 SUVs and pickup trucks and fucking sports cars.

02:32:09.000 There's economy cars, too.

02:32:12.000 But if you drive through Dallas or New York City, you see a lot of fucking Mercedes-Benz.

02:32:19.000 A lot of expensive cars.

02:32:19.000 Yeah, you go to L.A., they have expensive cars.

02:32:21.000 A lot of expensive cars.

02:32:22.000 L.A. has the show.

02:32:24.000 Yeah.

02:32:24.000 It's, like, overwhelming.

02:32:25.000 Like, the amount is almost, like, half the cars on the road.

02:32:28.000 It's kind of annoying.

02:32:29.000 Yeah.

02:32:29.000 In New York, you gotta have a beat-up-able car.

02:32:31.000 But if you look at, like...

02:32:32.000 Got a nice Chevy Cruze, dude.

02:32:34.000 If you look at, like, India...

02:32:35.000 Shout-out to the Chevy Cruze.

02:32:36.000 Chevy Cruze?

02:32:38.000 What's the electric one?

02:32:39.000 The Volt?

02:32:40.000 The Volt.

02:32:41.000 Good name.

02:32:42.000 Yeah.

02:32:43.000 Let's you know what it is right away.

02:32:44.000 Those hybrid ones are the way to go, right?

02:32:46.000 Those Priuses, if you want to get like the best gas mileage, don't they have like 80 miles?

02:32:50.000 Electric is the best, right?

02:32:51.000 Leaf?

02:32:52.000 Yeah, but Prius is like a hybrid.

02:32:53.000 I think it has a stupid fucking miles per gallon.

02:32:57.000 I think it's really crazy.

02:32:59.000 Isn't it, Jamie?

02:33:00.000 Doesn't a Prius get like 60 miles to the gallon or something nutty?

02:33:04.000 Probably higher than that.

02:33:06.000 Yeah, 60's insane.

02:33:08.000 60's insane.

02:33:09.000 It's so much better than it was.

02:33:10.000 I'm going to get a Honda Accord if shit keeps going well.

02:33:14.000 That's great.

02:33:14.000 I got something like that.

02:33:16.000 If everybody goes well, a new one?

02:33:18.000 If things continue to go well for me, I'm going to get a Honda Accord.

02:33:22.000 That's splurging.

02:33:22.000 Those are new cars.

02:33:23.000 Yeah.

02:33:24.000 I love Hondas.

02:33:25.000 His dad, before he died, was like, son, one day I want you to have.

02:33:27.000 My dad's alive, dude.

02:33:29.000 Congratulations, dude.

02:33:31.000 Sorry I'm not 90. My dad's alive.

02:33:34.000 My dad's alive.

02:33:36.000 My dad's 38. My dad didn't die in the Titanic.

02:33:40.000 Ha ha ha ha!

02:33:42.000 Ha ha ha!

02:33:45.000 Your dad was the iceberg.

02:33:46.000 The iceberg was Jewish.

02:33:50.000 So wait, do you think Epstein and Clinton were friends or something?

02:33:54.000 I don't.

02:33:55.000 This artist made it.

02:33:56.000 I don't know.

02:33:56.000 That's fucked up, dude.

02:33:57.000 Well, I only flew with him 26 times.

02:33:59.000 It was only 26 times.

02:34:02.000 He was a good man.

02:34:04.000 I'm mischaracterizing him.

02:34:05.000 He's got a love of science.

02:34:07.000 Clinton seems like a fun guy, yeah.

02:34:09.000 I love the picture of both Clintons and Trump hanging out.

02:34:13.000 How about fucking Ghislaine at their wedding?

02:34:16.000 You gotta get Ghislaine on.

02:34:19.000 She's in the mistrial.

02:34:20.000 Right after the mistrial.

02:34:21.000 She is?

02:34:21.000 Yeah, she's in jail.

02:34:22.000 She's innocent.

02:34:23.000 They're letting her off.

02:34:24.000 Do you think so?

02:34:25.000 Yeah, because those two guys was like...

02:34:27.000 Do you think they engineered it?

02:34:29.000 It's possible.

02:34:30.000 Yo, for real though, I know we're not supposed to joke about child trafficking and stuff, but that's a good side.

02:34:36.000 That's a good bottom bitch.

02:34:38.000 Just laying down.

02:34:40.000 Imagine that was your lady.

02:34:41.000 Like, yo, we need to secure some young chicks.

02:34:43.000 And your girlfriend being like, okay...

02:34:45.000 Do you think that's what it was, that she was a girlfriend, or did they have some weird friendship?

02:34:50.000 Were they both?

02:34:51.000 I think both.

02:34:52.000 They were buddies.

02:34:53.000 I mean, they were best friends.

02:34:54.000 I'd love to marry my best friend the way Epstein did.

02:34:57.000 They were married.

02:34:58.000 Whatever.

02:35:00.000 What a crazy, crazy story.

02:35:03.000 He had a wild ride.

02:35:04.000 That there's a guy who's some sort of intelligence operative, whether it's for another country or what, and he's getting together with people and compromising them.

02:35:14.000 He's blackmailing everybody.

02:35:15.000 Yeah.

02:35:15.000 And then there's people giving him money that they can't explain.

02:35:21.000 Exorbitant amounts of money.

02:35:22.000 Get that golden retriever.

02:35:23.000 Joe, is that your dog?

02:35:25.000 Your dog's been pictured with them?

02:35:27.000 Shut the fuck up!

02:35:28.000 Shut the fuck up!

02:35:29.000 What's your dog say?

02:35:30.000 That's not, Marshall.

02:35:31.000 Marshall's been pictured with Epstein.

02:35:33.000 I think that's one of those Irish setters.

02:35:35.000 That's Betty White.

02:35:36.000 That's the queen.

02:35:37.000 Oh, that's the queen, and that's Epstein.

02:35:40.000 Her cabin.

02:35:41.000 He was staying at her cabin.

02:35:43.000 Wow, that's dark.

02:35:45.000 Yeah.

02:35:46.000 But they don't know who he was working for, what organization he was working for.

02:35:51.000 It was the Mossad, dude.

02:35:53.000 They think.

02:35:53.000 Really?

02:35:54.000 Obviously the Mossad.

02:35:55.000 But wasn't he American?

02:35:57.000 He was American, right?

02:35:58.000 He had a bunch of passports, though.

02:36:00.000 Jeffrey Epstein.

02:36:02.000 The Jews had a good run.

02:36:03.000 You think Jeffrey Epstein is Mossad?

02:36:05.000 Do I think?

02:36:06.000 That was the rumor.

02:36:08.000 I'll tell you what, dude.

02:36:08.000 I don't know a lot.

02:36:10.000 And who came to the island?

02:36:11.000 Israel?

02:36:12.000 Well, they don't know where he got all his money from.

02:36:14.000 It's like real sketchy weird.

02:36:17.000 I donated.

02:36:22.000 Imagine you're a billionaire and this guy's like, yo, you want to come hang out on my island?

02:36:26.000 How's he saying it?

02:36:26.000 What's he wearing?

02:36:27.000 What's he wearing?

02:36:28.000 What's he wearing?

02:36:29.000 He's dressed like an apple.

02:36:31.000 Yo, you want to come hang out at my house?

02:36:33.000 Yeah, they would get famous people to go to their house.

02:36:36.000 That was the thing.

02:36:37.000 They had quite a guest list.

02:36:38.000 Chelsea Handler was on the plane.

02:36:40.000 Michelle Wolf.

02:36:41.000 The plane.

02:36:42.000 She's on the list.

02:36:43.000 Is she on the list?

02:36:44.000 I think.

02:36:44.000 She's on a couple lists.

02:36:48.000 She's innocent.

02:36:49.000 Schindler's list.

02:36:50.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:36:52.000 Hey, we're not making jokes like that.

02:36:54.000 Oh, sorry.

02:36:55.000 I forgot.

02:36:56.000 Here it is.

02:36:57.000 The mysterious foreign passport found in Jeffrey Epstein's mansion was used to enter at least four countries in the 1980s, prosecutors say.

02:37:04.000 Wow.

02:37:05.000 Enter four countries.

02:37:06.000 He had a foreign passport found inside a safe.

02:37:09.000 I'll tell you what, I don't like this guy at all.

02:37:11.000 He seems bad.

02:37:12.000 If I ever had a chance to punch him.

02:37:15.000 Did you ever see the video where Bill Gates is talking about him?

02:37:17.000 No, what's he saying?

02:37:18.000 He's dead now, so there's that.

02:37:21.000 He's basically letting out that almost he's happy that the guy's dead.

02:37:26.000 Of course.

02:37:28.000 You hung out with him, didn't you?

02:37:29.000 And he's like, well, he's dead now, so I guess next question.

02:37:32.000 Well, he said more than that.

02:37:34.000 Dead men tell no tales.

02:37:58.000 Is that Jen Psaki?

02:38:06.000 You know, I had dinners with him.

02:38:09.000 I regret doing that.

02:38:11.000 He had relationships with people he said, you know, would give to global health, which is an interest I have.

02:38:20.000 You know, not nearly enough philanthropy goes in that direction.

02:38:24.000 You know, those meetings were a mistake.

02:38:27.000 They didn't result in...

02:38:29.000 Look at his face.

02:38:30.000 ...what he purported, and I cut them off.

02:38:32.000 You know, that goes back a long time ago now.

02:38:36.000 So there's nothing new on that.

02:38:38.000 No, nothing new there.

02:38:40.000 ...to meet with him over several years.

02:38:44.000 And that, in other words, a number of meetings.

02:38:48.000 What did you do when you found out about his background?

02:38:52.000 Well...

02:38:54.000 You know, I've said I regretted having those dinners.

02:38:58.000 And there's nothing, absolutely nothing new on that.

02:39:01.000 Is there a lesson for you, for anyone else looking at this?

02:39:06.000 He's listening to his publisher.

02:39:07.000 Well, he's dead.

02:39:08.000 So, you know, in general you always have to be careful.

02:39:14.000 A lot of uhs.

02:39:15.000 Well, he's dead.

02:39:16.000 Ari talked over it.

02:39:18.000 You can hear it.

02:39:19.000 I heard it.

02:39:20.000 Ari breathed over it.

02:39:21.000 He talked over it.

02:39:23.000 You were trying to shush you to an important part.

02:39:25.000 He keeps pausing during the questions, looking at his publicist, telling him what to say.

02:39:29.000 I don't know if he's looking at his publicist, but he's definitely nervous.

02:39:32.000 Jamie, are you working the audio to eliminate Ari's breathing in the mic?

02:39:35.000 You should take it out.

02:39:36.000 Do your best.

02:39:36.000 Please keep it in.

02:39:37.000 Fair enough.

02:39:39.000 But what a fucking crazy thing to say, right?

02:39:41.000 Put more homophobia on, Shane.

02:39:43.000 Yeah, he's dead.

02:39:43.000 Isn't that a crazy thing to say?

02:39:44.000 Yeah.

02:39:44.000 So there's a lesson there?

02:39:45.000 Were there any lessons?

02:39:46.000 He's like, well, he died.

02:39:47.000 Yeah.

02:39:48.000 Well, he's dead now.

02:39:49.000 He looked pretty shook up over that.

02:39:51.000 Bro.

02:39:51.000 Yeah, he's like, PBS is talking shit.

02:39:54.000 There's nothing new here.

02:39:55.000 Imagine if you go on PBS and they start fucking hitting you with questions.

02:39:59.000 You're like, what the fuck are you doing, PBS? Public broadcasting?

02:40:02.000 Blow me.

02:40:02.000 You losers?

02:40:03.000 Yeah.

02:40:04.000 What's next?

02:40:04.000 I have the Xbox.

02:40:07.000 Did he do that?

02:40:08.000 Yeah, Microsoft.

02:40:09.000 What did she ask him directly?

02:40:11.000 Is there anything else to say?

02:40:13.000 I don't...

02:40:13.000 Is there anything to learn from these mistakes or something like that?

02:40:17.000 He's dead now.

02:40:20.000 Just laying his Epstein's Xbox.

02:40:23.000 It's very...

02:40:27.000 How good was that, though, when they just killed Epstein?

02:40:29.000 Well, what's crazy is that security cameras went off and the whole country just had to sit there like, yeah, I guess.

02:40:37.000 She had some bombs on her.

02:40:39.000 Damn, she was cute.

02:40:40.000 Great bombs.

02:40:40.000 She was cute.

02:40:41.000 Jamie, bring up Maxwell's giant hits.

02:40:44.000 So her father is some sort of an intelligence agent.

02:40:48.000 Right?

02:40:48.000 No, he was a media guy, I think.

02:40:50.000 A mogul.

02:40:51.000 Something.

02:40:51.000 Yeah.

02:40:52.000 Something.

02:40:52.000 Ooh, look at her bikini.

02:40:54.000 Oh, look at that.

02:40:54.000 The foot and the cans there.

02:40:56.000 Yeah, I'd like to see the cans.

02:40:58.000 Cans.

02:40:58.000 Film festival.

02:41:01.000 Will you pull up her father?

02:41:03.000 She's got like Pelosi knobs.

02:41:04.000 I'll pull up her tits.

02:41:05.000 Yeah, you're doing this wrong, dude.

02:41:07.000 Nobody's looking at her father.

02:41:08.000 No, don't bring up his father's big old dog.

02:41:11.000 The murky life and death of Robert Maxwell.

02:41:15.000 Hey, he's a cool dude.

02:41:16.000 Look at that.

02:41:17.000 Yeah, she was pretty there.

02:41:19.000 Yeah.

02:41:20.000 What was the story with this dude, Jamie?

02:41:22.000 The main part that sticks out, other than his whole history, he was a big media mogul in Europe, and he was found naked in the Mediterranean or something like that.

02:41:35.000 Mediterranean?

02:41:35.000 Look at him down there in the bottom corner, but the left of the bottom corner where he's dressed up in his fucking Secret Society outfit.

02:41:41.000 With Elizabeth Taylor.

02:41:44.000 Wow!

02:41:45.000 She was something.

02:41:47.000 And the boat was named after Ghislaine, too.

02:41:49.000 I don't think that matters a ton.

02:41:50.000 The boat was named after her?

02:41:52.000 Wow.

02:41:53.000 What is that name?

02:41:54.000 Ghislaine.

02:41:55.000 The SS Rape?

02:41:55.000 I think you said Ghislaine.

02:41:58.000 What language is that?

02:41:59.000 They would say Ghislaine and spell it like that.

02:42:02.000 I believe.

02:42:03.000 Ghislaine.

02:42:04.000 But here's the craziest shit about all this, man.

02:42:06.000 It's like, this sounded like the most ridiculous conspiracy just years ago.

02:42:11.000 If you went 10 years ago and talked to someone and said, hey, there's an island, and they take really famous people and scientists, and they compromise them with young girls.

02:42:20.000 What?

02:42:21.000 Compromise them?

02:42:21.000 Yeah.

02:42:22.000 So they can have it?

02:42:22.000 They videotape them, and then they have this blackmail money, and then people are going to have to resign because they donated money to this guy and gave money to this guy.

02:42:31.000 Like, CEOs have resigned because they had written $150 million checks they couldn't account for.

02:42:37.000 It didn't make any sense.

02:42:38.000 It's a pretty good scheme.

02:42:39.000 It's wild.

02:42:39.000 It's a very simple scheme.

02:42:41.000 You're like, yo, what's one thing no one can resist?

02:42:44.000 17-year-old girls on an island.

02:42:46.000 Especially if you don't know they're 17. Like, if you think they're 19. And then you film them.

02:42:51.000 And then they tell you.

02:42:52.000 And then you say, hey, by the way, that kid was fucking 15 years old, you freak.

02:42:56.000 You better donate.

02:42:57.000 Or they say that you have the girl say it to you after you've already had sex, and you see them react to it, because they might say, it's okay, it's cool, and then they have that.

02:43:07.000 Like, who the fuck knows?

02:43:07.000 But the fact is, oh, that's the other thing, that his temple was designed to look like the Israeli flag.

02:43:14.000 Temple?

02:43:15.000 Nice, dude.

02:43:16.000 Fucking Jews all the way.

02:43:17.000 Look at that part out.

02:43:19.000 Look at that temple.

02:43:20.000 That was like the mosque and the jelly flag.

02:43:22.000 You see the owl up there?

02:43:23.000 That was uh...

02:43:24.000 Moloch.

02:43:26.000 Moloch.

02:43:27.000 What's Moloch?

02:43:28.000 Moloch the Owl God.

02:43:29.000 Whoa.

02:43:30.000 That's Bohemian Grove shit.

02:43:31.000 For real?

02:43:32.000 Have you guys ever looked into the Franklin scandal?

02:43:35.000 No.

02:43:35.000 What's that?

02:43:36.000 Benjamin?

02:43:36.000 Yeah.

02:43:37.000 Benjamin with Franklin.

02:43:38.000 I'm only on like chapter two.

02:43:39.000 Ben Franklin?

02:43:40.000 Al Franken?

02:43:41.000 No, Nebraska.

02:43:42.000 What did Al Franken do to you?

02:43:44.000 Al Franken?

02:43:45.000 He went too long on his show.

02:43:47.000 He bumped me and did an hour.

02:43:51.000 He wouldn't get off.

02:43:53.000 Franklin scandal, what is it?

02:43:54.000 I don't know enough about it because I'm not done with it.

02:43:56.000 I just started.

02:43:57.000 Ben?

02:43:58.000 Tim Dillon's an expert on this.

02:43:59.000 Tim Dillon's all about it.

02:44:01.000 Nick Mullins all about it.

02:44:02.000 They know all about it.

02:44:03.000 And I talk to them and I'm dumb.

02:44:05.000 And those guys are smart and they tell me about it.

02:44:07.000 Report back.

02:44:08.000 I'm trying my best.

02:44:10.000 But it's just a real thing that happened.

02:44:13.000 Ooh, Omaha!

02:44:15.000 I'll be there in two weeks.

02:44:16.000 Funny bone.

02:44:17.000 The second you read about this, you're like, oh shit, this is real.

02:44:20.000 Who's the richest guy in Nebraska?

02:44:21.000 Israel.

02:44:24.000 But then I was just looking into Pizzagate.

02:44:27.000 Yeah, you were.

02:44:28.000 That was a fun one.

02:44:31.000 Has it been debunked?

02:44:32.000 Yeah, I think a lot.

02:44:33.000 Could somebody just debunk it?

02:44:34.000 Well, the Comet Pizza, there's no basement.

02:44:36.000 That's what they say.

02:44:37.000 They love to say there's no basement.

02:44:39.000 There's no basement?

02:44:40.000 No.

02:44:41.000 There's no basement.

02:44:42.000 They love saying there's no basement.

02:44:44.000 My favorite of that is the guy who went in there to handle business with a shotgun.

02:44:47.000 No, I believe he had an AR. He went down and he was like, I'm going to free those kids out of that basement.

02:44:52.000 And he was doing the right thing based on what he believed.

02:44:54.000 They're holding kids in there for sex trafficking.

02:44:56.000 Yeah, it's one of those things where it's like abortion, like when people protest abortion.

02:45:00.000 You're doing the right thing.

02:45:01.000 And he's like, well, if you think they are killing kids, you should be like, hey, they're killing kids.

02:45:06.000 But the Comet Pizza, the ping pong thing?

02:45:10.000 What was the ping pong thing?

02:45:11.000 What's that?

02:45:11.000 They say there's no basement.

02:45:13.000 I think the guy's been on interviews being in our basement.

02:45:17.000 Oh, really?

02:45:18.000 I could be wrong.

02:45:19.000 Let's find that out.

02:45:20.000 Is there a basement at Comet Pizza?

02:45:22.000 Look, dude, on behalf of my buddies, I would just like somebody to debunk Pizzagate.

02:45:26.000 That's all I would like.

02:45:27.000 Well, that's one thing about QAnon is they hate pedophilia.

02:45:31.000 Everybody gives them shit, but at least they're trying to stop that.

02:45:33.000 The problem with QAnon is I wonder how much of it...

02:45:39.000 How much of that shit where people are getting manipulated like that is being done with you and I? This is wild.

02:45:46.000 Jamie, delete everything I just said.

02:45:49.000 What does it say?

02:45:49.000 A lot of the messages about the far-right conspiracy theory are coming from Germany.

02:45:53.000 So that's what I'm saying.

02:45:55.000 Well, that's a problem.

02:45:55.000 I wonder how much...

02:45:57.000 I've had these conversations with people that know about these troll farms and how prevalent they are and how much they get into our social media and affect conversations.

02:46:08.000 What's a troll farm?

02:46:09.000 Dude, listen to this.

02:46:09.000 They found 19 out of 20 top Christian sites on Facebook were run by a company that's designed to start arguments online.

02:46:17.000 And they were in Macedonia.

02:46:19.000 So it's a troll farm.

02:46:20.000 So they're pretending that they're for Jesus, but they're really just trying to get people...

02:46:26.000 No, no, no.

02:46:27.000 This is a job that's from the government.

02:46:30.000 So the government is hiring people to set up thousands of cell phones where they're all plugged.

02:46:35.000 Have you ever seen it?

02:46:36.000 It's a wild thing to see.

02:46:38.000 Like, they've taken photos of these troll farms.

02:46:40.000 They have all these phones connected to this long rack of tables.

02:46:47.000 And these guys are moving along this and they're shitposting.

02:46:52.000 They're gonna give me heat.

02:46:53.000 Look at that lady.

02:46:53.000 She's wearing a coat inside and gloves.

02:46:56.000 Look at that one.

02:46:56.000 They're gonna heat the place.

02:46:58.000 So what they're doing is, their job is to talk shit.

02:47:02.000 So they go online and they'll talk shit about Christians, or they'll talk shit about Muslims.

02:47:06.000 So you get people arguing?

02:47:07.000 They get people arguing.

02:47:08.000 They say extreme things, they have like crosses in their fucking avatars, but it's all fake.

02:47:13.000 They got on, they would literally organize Facebook, Facebook organize events like Black Lives Matter vs.

02:47:21.000 Guys Who Love America rallies.

02:47:24.000 And they would put them at the same place.

02:47:25.000 Well, they put a pro-Muslim rally across the street from a Texas separatist rally.

02:47:32.000 They created both rallies.

02:47:34.000 They organized the whole thing.

02:47:36.000 This is a fake account.

02:47:37.000 We are troll farmers.

02:47:39.000 This is a fake account.

02:47:40.000 My baby daddy ain't shit.

02:47:42.000 It's a fake account.

02:47:43.000 You will hear abusive and or narcissistic men bash on mom and claim parental alienation, yet you never hear them tell people that it was their choice to abandon their children.

02:47:52.000 So they're just trying to start fights.

02:47:54.000 I follow this guy.

02:47:55.000 But listen, look at that post.

02:47:58.000 That's a post where it's like, hey, you should take care of your children.

02:48:01.000 This guy's an asshole.

02:48:03.000 What are they doing?

02:48:04.000 All they're doing is trying to start a fight.

02:48:06.000 Yeah, and those go to the top of the galgo.

02:48:08.000 And then people comment on that, and they're involved in the fight.

02:48:11.000 They got two million followers, basically.

02:48:12.000 This is wild.

02:48:13.000 This is wild.

02:48:14.000 Kevin Hart meme.

02:48:15.000 That is wild.

02:48:16.000 That's you.

02:48:16.000 What's the click on the Kevin Hart meme?

02:48:18.000 It's a screenshot, but it says, face I'm making my baby, my deadbeat.

02:48:23.000 Dad celebrates Father's Day or something.

02:48:25.000 I showed you guys this the other day.

02:48:28.000 There's a meme template site.

02:48:31.000 You can pay like five bucks a month and it will just start generating AI memes and you can just pick the best ones out of that.

02:48:36.000 Wait, so what's the benefit of creating the fights?

02:48:39.000 Who's paying for that?

02:48:40.000 Russia is.

02:48:41.000 To get us fighting with each other?

02:48:43.000 Yes.

02:48:44.000 The idea is...

02:48:45.000 I had HR McMaster.

02:48:48.000 What was his gig?

02:48:51.000 Secretary of Defense?

02:48:52.000 National Security Advisor.

02:48:53.000 We met out in the hallway.

02:48:54.000 Yeah, I just shook his hand.

02:48:55.000 I also went to West Point.

02:48:57.000 I let him know I was a bit of a West Pointer myself.

02:48:59.000 Terrible shirt.

02:49:00.000 Amazing guy.

02:49:01.000 Yeah, he looked like a tablecloth.

02:49:02.000 But he was discussing how they don't give a fuck who wins the election.

02:49:05.000 They just want us to fight.

02:49:07.000 Why?

02:49:08.000 If Clinton won, the narrative was Clinton stole it from Trump.

02:49:12.000 Everybody's going to get mad.

02:49:12.000 If Trump won, they changed the narrative to he would have won the popular vote, but Clinton stole the popular vote.

02:49:18.000 What's the appeal?

02:49:19.000 To get people to have no faith in our system.

02:49:23.000 If we're all over the place, we can't be focused on one enemy or anything.

02:49:27.000 Exactly.

02:49:27.000 So they're dividing us.

02:49:29.000 Look, China is united under the CCP. Russia is united under Putin.

02:49:36.000 That's the guy running shit, and then Xi Jinping is rolling shit over there.

02:49:40.000 The Troll Farm page also combined to form the largest Christian American page on Facebook, 20 times larger than the next largest.

02:49:48.000 What?

02:49:48.000 20 times?

02:49:49.000 Reaching 75 million US users monthly, 95% of whom had never followed any of the pages.

02:49:56.000 So these fucking people have enormous success with this shit.

02:50:01.000 An African American page.

02:50:02.000 The largest African American page on Facebook.

02:50:04.000 Three times larger than the next largest, reaching 30 million users monthly, 85% of whom had never followed any of the pages.

02:50:12.000 Any of what pages?

02:50:13.000 Any of the pages that are following them.

02:50:14.000 It's like they're unique pages.

02:50:16.000 They're not connected.

02:50:17.000 The fifth largest women They're not subscribing to a whole, I think, they're not subscribing to a block of things.

02:50:25.000 They just pick that, because it's the most successful of the Christian pages, or the most successful of the African American pages.

02:50:30.000 So they're getting all the news from this Christian site, from this African American site, from this women's page.

02:50:35.000 Yeah, well a lot of people are getting all their, that's their community.

02:50:38.000 And the community is literally set up by a troll farm.

02:50:41.000 To get them angry about whatever.

02:50:43.000 Yeah, about everything.

02:50:44.000 I mean, there's like fucking, there's southern separatists.

02:50:47.000 Like, keep Confederate statues.

02:50:50.000 And then people weigh in on these fake things.

02:50:51.000 Like, well, yeah, they have some good points.

02:50:52.000 Like, they're not they.

02:50:53.000 There's no they.

02:50:54.000 They're just trying to get people fighting about shit.

02:50:56.000 We could be getting tricked by this shit, but it could also be the same thing about, like, when they got us into Iraq and they were like, they hate our freedom.

02:51:03.000 It's exactly the same thing.

02:51:04.000 It's like, wait, does Russia just want us to fight?

02:51:07.000 Maybe Russia doesn't give a fuck.

02:51:08.000 No, no, no, no, no.

02:51:09.000 They definitely want us to, and this is well documented.

02:51:12.000 This is not like there's a few instances.

02:51:14.000 They know the agency.

02:51:15.000 It's called the Internet Research Agency.

02:51:17.000 It's in Russia.

02:51:17.000 People have worked there and left.

02:51:19.000 They've taken photographs.

02:51:20.000 They've had detailed discussions of it.

02:51:22.000 But the thing is, they can do it because you don't know if it's them or if it's a real person.

02:51:27.000 Right.

02:51:27.000 It doesn't matter if you know that they're real.

02:51:29.000 You have to actually research every account instead of just reading it moving on.

02:51:33.000 How the fuck could you know?

02:51:34.000 You're not going to do that.

02:51:34.000 Well played, Russia.

02:51:35.000 But if you ever see people saying horrible shit and then you check their link and it's like they have one follower or zero followers, it's either a person's burner account or it might be a troll.

02:51:46.000 Damn.

02:51:47.000 And they're getting people riled up over shit they normally wouldn't even weigh in on.

02:51:51.000 19. And then we stew over it all day.

02:51:53.000 I read that shit and I'm like, ah.

02:51:53.000 Oh, everyone's talking about this.

02:51:54.000 Like, who's the everyone?

02:51:55.000 It's everyone commenting on no one.

02:51:57.000 Right.

02:51:57.000 19 of the top 20 Christian sites on Facebook.

02:52:01.000 Wow.

02:52:02.000 Man.

02:52:02.000 Run by troll farms.

02:52:03.000 So they're literally engineering arguments.

02:52:06.000 When those, what's it called, guys, came on here?

02:52:10.000 What's it called, guys?

02:52:11.000 What's that, Jamie?

02:52:11.000 That's the 19 of the 20. They're right here.

02:52:14.000 So all of these are fake.

02:52:19.000 Guideposts is legit.

02:52:21.000 All those other ones are run by Troll Farms.

02:52:24.000 Look at this.

02:52:25.000 Guideposts.

02:52:25.000 Look at this image.

02:52:27.000 Look at all those ones that are run by troll farms.

02:52:30.000 Be happy and enjoy life.

02:52:32.000 Jesus is my lord.

02:52:33.000 You can.

02:52:33.000 Speak loudly.

02:52:34.000 It's all just programming.

02:52:36.000 They're just finding these people.

02:52:37.000 Light a candle for a lost one.

02:52:40.000 A lost loved one.

02:52:41.000 Well played, Richo.

02:52:43.000 Well played.

02:52:43.000 This is wild.

02:52:44.000 Yeah, but maybe they're just trying to get clicks.

02:52:47.000 My Baby Daddy Ain't Shit is number one.

02:52:49.000 Look at that.

02:52:50.000 That's theirs.

02:52:51.000 My Baby Daddy Ain't Shit is theirs.

02:52:53.000 Essence is real.

02:52:53.000 And it's a troll farm.

02:52:54.000 That's number two.

02:52:55.000 That's real.

02:52:56.000 Essence, The Root, Source Magazine.

02:52:59.000 But isn't that wild?

02:53:00.000 My Baby Daddy Ain't Shit is number one.

02:53:02.000 You gotta hand it to them.

02:53:03.000 We're getting all the lingo right.

02:53:04.000 Yeah.

02:53:05.000 They do their research.

02:53:06.000 Good marketing.

02:53:07.000 There's trolls that I know I follow on Instagram, but they post good stuff.

02:53:10.000 Well, Nick Mullins was one of the best of all time.

02:53:12.000 Nicole Mullins.

02:53:13.000 What's that?

02:53:14.000 Nicole Mullins.

02:53:15.000 What happened?

02:53:16.000 It was just writing as a mommy blogger for a while.

02:53:19.000 It was Nick Mullen.

02:53:21.000 It would get people angry at him, but it was just like, you're not mommying, right?

02:53:24.000 She was a little bit more Republican.

02:53:26.000 It was great.

02:53:27.000 It was amazing.

02:53:29.000 You've got to get that in while you can, because mind reading is around the corner.

02:53:33.000 We're about 50 days away from mind reading.

02:53:36.000 That's not good.

02:53:37.000 I won't be allowed in the playground.

02:53:38.000 100% can happen.

02:53:40.000 They're going to introduce some sort of a thing that they put in your head, like Elon Musk wants to do Neuralink.

02:53:45.000 Fuck mirror.

02:53:46.000 They're gonna do something along those, they're gonna do it, because it's gonna make it better.

02:53:49.000 Like, you got your eyeballs lasered, they're gonna have some new thing when they inject some bacteria into it, and they're gonna go, you know, this is good, but wouldn't you rather see through buildings?

02:53:57.000 And they're gonna do something to your fucking head, and you're gonna be able to instantly access the fucking blueprints for the building.

02:54:04.000 You'll know as you're, you'll see it in AR. You'll fall behind if you don't have it.

02:54:07.000 It'll show you upstairs what doors lock, what doors open, where's the bathroom?

02:54:12.000 I like the faith you have in humanity.

02:54:14.000 You're gonna see wire forms of humans walking back and forth.

02:54:17.000 That would ruin comedy.

02:54:18.000 You go to the show, they know where the punchline's going.

02:54:20.000 We'll find new comedy.

02:54:21.000 We'll find psychedelic comedy.

02:54:22.000 It'll be only for people who trip.

02:54:26.000 Unplug comedy.

02:54:27.000 Yeah, man.

02:54:28.000 When's the last time you guys tripped?

02:54:30.000 It's been a while for me.

02:54:31.000 Why?

02:54:32.000 I guess you're busy.

02:54:33.000 Too busy.

02:54:34.000 So you don't think that people are going to be able to figure out something that does that?

02:54:39.000 Or you think we're going to kill ourselves?

02:54:41.000 You don't think so?

02:54:42.000 I agree.

02:54:43.000 It goes fast.

02:54:44.000 What do you think happens?

02:54:45.000 A hot war?

02:54:46.000 Or do you think...

02:54:47.000 A hot war.

02:54:47.000 What's a hot war?

02:54:48.000 What's that?

02:54:49.000 It's a real war.

02:54:50.000 Real war.

02:54:50.000 China or Russia.

02:54:52.000 Like a hot war.

02:54:53.000 Like with guns.

02:54:54.000 Oh, like Cold War.

02:54:54.000 No, no, it'd be with nuclear weapons.

02:54:56.000 Yeah, we're not going to do it.

02:54:58.000 I hope not.

02:54:59.000 That would be a real bummer.

02:55:00.000 Mutually assured destruction is scary, but there's some people that are old that are president.

02:55:05.000 Ari.

02:55:05.000 I mean, if you have the ability, come on, for real.

02:55:09.000 If you have the ability, I mean, how much power does the president really have?

02:55:13.000 Like if Biden wakes up and cleans his face and goes, I think I need to bomb somebody.

02:55:23.000 He can't do it, right?

02:55:25.000 So how many people have to be there to say yes?

02:55:28.000 Like how many people are involved in like Hiroshima and Nagasaki?

02:55:31.000 How many people made those decisions?

02:55:32.000 Good question.

02:55:33.000 20 at least?

02:55:34.000 Yeah, it was a small amount.

02:55:35.000 That was a secret.

02:55:37.000 Yeah, the pilot had to say yes or no.

02:55:40.000 Imagine how bad that would fuck with you for the rest of your life.

02:55:44.000 Oppenheimer said he was ruined, mentally, after the bomb.

02:55:47.000 Really?

02:55:47.000 Because he invented it.

02:55:48.000 You know the name of that plane?

02:55:53.000 Presidential decision-making atomic bomb in 1945 the decision to use the bomb lay ultimately in the hands of President Truman So it was just well do we do it mr. Truman and he goes let's fucking do it That saved lives but the guy who pressed that button and let that fucker go Yeah.

02:56:17.000 Heavy.

02:56:17.000 And he watched it?

02:56:18.000 Yeah.

02:56:19.000 Because he was in a goddamn plane.

02:56:20.000 He had to do a fucking Yui.

02:56:22.000 He had to go up and over to get away from the blast.

02:56:25.000 And that's those bullshit planes.

02:56:28.000 Yeah.

02:56:28.000 Those propeller-ass planes.

02:56:30.000 The Enola Gay.

02:56:31.000 Look at that thing.

02:56:31.000 Hey, the Enola Gays.

02:56:33.000 Yeah.

02:56:35.000 Enola.

02:56:35.000 Hold on.

02:56:36.000 One thing I was thinking.

02:56:37.000 Go ahead.

02:56:38.000 Can you imagine being alive when there was never anything like that before?

02:56:42.000 And if you've got to think about when this happened, was it 1947 when we dropped the bombs?

02:56:46.000 How many people on that plane?

02:56:47.000 I thought it was like two people and that's it.

02:56:49.000 No, they backed it in.

02:56:50.000 But here's the thing, man.

02:56:51.000 Flying was like 40 years old.

02:56:55.000 Flying was younger than you, Ari.

02:56:57.000 Wow.

02:57:02.000 What are you, 47?

02:57:07.000 So if you think about when they first figured out how to fly versus when they dropped a bone out of it.

02:57:13.000 How much time do you think they, let's just guess right here.

02:57:16.000 How much time do you think they spent from the time they invented the plane until they dropped a bomb out of it?

02:57:20.000 From North Carolina.

02:57:21.000 20 years.

02:57:22.000 Atomic bomb.

02:57:23.000 20 years.

02:57:23.000 No, more, more.

02:57:25.000 When was Kitty Hawk?

02:57:26.000 What was North Carolina?

02:57:27.000 I'm trying to think.

02:57:28.000 That was probably the Wright Brothers.

02:57:30.000 The Wright Brothers.

02:57:31.000 Yeah.

02:57:31.000 No, no, no.

02:57:32.000 It was 18. It was after the turn of the century.

02:57:34.000 It was film, right?

02:57:35.000 Because they filmed it.

02:57:38.000 I'm going to say 12. Give it a go.

02:57:40.000 1912. Shane acts like he knows for sure.

02:57:43.000 I'm close.

02:57:43.000 Give me a guess.

02:57:45.000 What's the date you say?

02:57:46.000 By the time they dropped a bomb at him?

02:57:47.000 No, the first plane.

02:57:49.000 Kitty Hawk.

02:57:50.000 I think that was probably like 08. I'm gonna go 09. I said 012. 1895. Oh, you're an animal.

02:57:57.000 Okay, let's see what we got.

02:57:58.000 No, it was like 5. 2003. Sorry, what?

02:58:00.000 1903. Jesus Christ.

02:58:02.000 1903. Okay.

02:58:03.000 Not bad.

02:58:04.000 Not bad.

02:58:05.000 They were dropping bombs in World War I. That's what I know.

02:58:08.000 10 years later, they were up in the fucking plane dropping shit out.

02:58:11.000 Right, you're right.

02:58:11.000 10 years.

02:58:12.000 You're right.

02:58:13.000 What do you mean 10 years?

02:58:14.000 No, 10 years for the first dropping bombs.

02:58:15.000 They were dropping grenades.

02:58:17.000 Actual bombs.

02:58:17.000 They were dropping spikes in World War I. It's only 40 years.

02:58:22.000 They got up there like, what should we throw?

02:58:23.000 Why not drop a brick?

02:58:24.000 But how wild is that?

02:58:25.000 Only 40 years and they're dropping nuclear bombs out of a plane.

02:58:28.000 That's how we operate, baby.

02:58:30.000 That is fucking wild.

02:58:31.000 We get it moving.

02:58:32.000 No planes at all and then nuclear bombs.

02:58:34.000 I figured I'd make a trapdoor at the bottom right away.

02:58:37.000 Are they going to make planes electric?

02:58:39.000 Yeah, right?

02:58:40.000 What are they waiting for on that after 10 years?

02:58:41.000 No, they do.

02:58:42.000 They have a company that's making them.

02:58:44.000 They think they can fly hundreds of miles.

02:58:46.000 Let's get those Delta prices down.

02:58:47.000 Yeah, it'd be nice.

02:58:49.000 Some of them think they can make it to a couple thousand miles eventually.

02:58:53.000 Ooh.

02:58:54.000 Well, we haven't had a hot war between two top GDP countries since the nuke.

02:59:01.000 Look at that statistic.

02:59:03.000 1913 is the first time they dropped bombs.

02:59:05.000 Wow.

02:59:06.000 Damn, that was quick.

02:59:08.000 That ain't shit.

02:59:08.000 They got it in.

02:59:10.000 But because of the nuke, world leaders are like, we don't need hot wars.

02:59:16.000 That was eight years.

02:59:16.000 Look at that plane that they did it with.

02:59:19.000 Go back so you can see the plane they did it with.

02:59:22.000 That's not it.

02:59:22.000 That's not it?

02:59:23.000 Fuck no.

02:59:24.000 What's the plane?

02:59:26.000 I was trying to start a look because it says it's an aerial bomb.

02:59:28.000 Like a biplane?

02:59:29.000 And so they have other bombs that they were using back then.

02:59:32.000 Guys, that voice you're hearing is Jamie Vernon.

02:59:34.000 He's a popular part of this podcast.

02:59:36.000 The guy who drove these planes were just ballsy as hell to be up there like that.

02:59:40.000 How about standing on one of them?

02:59:42.000 They didn't have a fucking mask on.

02:59:45.000 I mean, they didn't have anything over their head.

02:59:46.000 That's a scarf.

02:59:47.000 Awfully cold.

02:59:48.000 They got a scarf and that's it.

02:59:50.000 Isn't that wild?

02:59:51.000 Dude, they were out there exposed.

02:59:52.000 And now we have women pilots.

02:59:55.000 It wasn't even in commercials.

02:59:59.000 It wasn't even under glass.

03:00:01.000 Yeah, it was just out.

03:00:02.000 Their face was out there in the wind.

03:00:04.000 It's like paper.

03:00:05.000 Look at that wing.

03:00:05.000 That looks like a bird.

03:00:07.000 It does.

03:00:08.000 Look at that.

03:00:09.000 They're trying to mimic it off a bird, so they assume it lasts longer.

03:00:12.000 Look at that, the wops.

03:00:13.000 Bicycle tires.

03:00:14.000 The wops did it first.

03:00:14.000 Really?

03:00:15.000 How many of those dudes died because they flew into birds?

03:00:18.000 Oh, a couple.

03:00:19.000 Ow!

03:00:19.000 See how slow they were?

03:00:21.000 Sully.

03:00:21.000 Sully barely got out.

03:00:23.000 Look at them holding a bomb in the bottom middle.

03:00:25.000 Hold him on the drop with his hands.

03:00:27.000 That's crazy.

03:00:29.000 Damn.

03:00:29.000 They had a bucket of bombs.

03:00:31.000 Literally like railroad spikes.

03:00:33.000 They would just drop them in the trenches.

03:00:35.000 Yeah, why not?

03:00:36.000 They'll kill you.

03:00:36.000 They did wild shit.

03:00:37.000 Just to drop them on people?

03:00:38.000 Yeah.

03:00:38.000 Oh my god.

03:00:39.000 That would kill one guy, though.

03:00:40.000 Oh, for sure.

03:00:41.000 You gotta drop it on a house.

03:00:42.000 Going fast.

03:00:44.000 They bombed, like, the Italian naval fleet.

03:00:48.000 With, like, cannonballs?

03:00:49.000 It was just an Air Force blew up a naval fleet.

03:00:52.000 Did you see that picture I put on my Instagram of the Battle of Waterloo with the guy who got hit in the chest with a cannonball?

03:00:59.000 No, pull it up.

03:01:00.000 Was it a hole through his chest?

03:01:01.000 It's just the armor that he had on in the Battle of Waterloo.

03:01:05.000 I found I had a fucking bullet on my Instagram.

03:01:08.000 To the fucking right titty.

03:01:10.000 Through him?

03:01:11.000 Oh yeah, right through his whole body.

03:01:13.000 Oh my god.

03:01:14.000 It's like a hole.

03:01:17.000 Like the size of a fucking bowling ball through homeboy's chest.

03:01:21.000 Oh no!

03:01:23.000 Damn!

03:01:24.000 So he's wearing this thing that can stop arrows, and he gets hit in the fucking chest with a bowling ball.

03:01:29.000 Well, no, they weren't worried about arrows at fucking Waterloo.

03:01:31.000 Why was he wearing that?

03:01:33.000 Yeah, you're right.

03:01:33.000 1815, they had muskets, right?

03:01:35.000 Why was he wearing that?

03:01:36.000 Yeah, Waterloo was, I mean, that was insane.

03:01:39.000 But the cannonball was obviously the big move.

03:01:41.000 Why was he wearing that?

03:01:42.000 Because there was, like, a lot of shit that could protect you from.

03:01:44.000 Beautiful armor.

03:01:45.000 Yeah.

03:01:46.000 That would have helped with bullets.

03:01:47.000 From a distance?

03:01:48.000 Yeah, from a distance.

03:01:49.000 Those bullets, you know, they weren't that fast.

03:01:51.000 Waterloo.

03:01:52.000 Yo, you ever see that insane guy start ranting?

03:01:55.000 Steve Spiros?

03:01:57.000 Jamie, the gang's gonna want to see this.

03:01:59.000 Is that a photo?

03:02:00.000 Let me see a drawing.

03:02:02.000 1815. Oh, wow.

03:02:03.000 Damn.

03:02:06.000 They just would shoot cannonballs into people.

03:02:09.000 Yeah, they would.

03:02:11.000 Cannons, what a wild weapon.

03:02:13.000 I know.

03:02:13.000 You've got a giant metal thing that you're going to pull around, you've got to get a horse to pull it, and you get into position, you're basically lighting a bomb, and it launches a ball of lead through people.

03:02:25.000 It didn't blow up the ball.

03:02:26.000 Yeah, it did.

03:02:26.000 It just hits hard.

03:02:28.000 Yeah, they figured that out.

03:02:29.000 They blew it up?

03:02:30.000 Yeah, and then if you got close, they would make it canister shot, which was basically a giant shotgun.

03:02:36.000 Wow.

03:02:36.000 With lead balls that were like golf balls.

03:02:38.000 Oh my god.

03:02:39.000 Fucking 15 pounds.

03:02:41.000 You can't believe how heavy it is.

03:02:43.000 Yeah.

03:02:43.000 Just 100 golf balls would explode out.

03:02:45.000 Oh my god.

03:02:46.000 And that was technology back then.

03:02:48.000 That was high end.

03:02:49.000 Still is.

03:02:50.000 That's a Claymore now.

03:02:51.000 Oh really?

03:02:52.000 That's what they use.

03:02:53.000 They don't know what a Claymore is.

03:02:54.000 Listen, Dan Carlin's Hardcore History was talking about how the Mongols would light dead bodies on fire and launch them on catapults onto thatched roofs.

03:03:01.000 Damn!

03:03:02.000 So the light people's house on fire was a flaming dead guy.

03:03:05.000 If somebody had disease in your camp...

03:03:11.000 The catapult's insane.

03:03:11.000 Alright, we would launch you, dude.

03:03:13.000 Oh, yeah.

03:03:13.000 Look at this.

03:03:14.000 Look at this question.

03:03:15.000 I'm like, guys, can we talk?

03:03:16.000 Nah, you're right.

03:03:16.000 The trebuchet.

03:03:18.000 They would just stand there back then to show their courage.

03:03:20.000 I know.

03:03:20.000 How dumb is that?

03:03:21.000 All I think is back then, how many people were just shitting themselves?

03:03:24.000 How many people were like, I don't want to be here, this sucks, but I gotta do it.

03:03:26.000 You had to do it.

03:03:27.000 Everybody.

03:03:28.000 Everybody.

03:03:29.000 Look at that image.

03:03:29.000 Pull that image back again.

03:03:30.000 Look at that.

03:03:31.000 Blue apart those legs.

03:03:31.000 That's from the Patriot.

03:03:32.000 That's from the movie.

03:03:33.000 That's right.

03:03:34.000 Of course it's from a movie, dude.

03:03:36.000 Oh, fuck that.

03:03:37.000 Good point.

03:03:38.000 No, this is real.

03:03:39.000 No, this is real.

03:03:39.000 This is somebody from the Revolutionary War.

03:03:41.000 They filmed this.

03:03:42.000 You had to stand still.

03:03:43.000 Look, they shot at each other, and everybody had to stand still, and they all got shot.

03:03:46.000 It's the dumbest way to fight ever.

03:03:47.000 Next up?

03:03:48.000 Yeah.

03:03:48.000 Well, it was just the technology out-advanced the style.

03:03:51.000 Run at them.

03:03:52.000 But what would happen if you bailed?

03:03:53.000 Like, I gotta go.

03:03:54.000 That's Red Badge of Courage.

03:03:56.000 Is that what that is?

03:03:56.000 That's all.

03:03:57.000 That's what that's about.

03:03:57.000 I gotta watch that.

03:03:58.000 I've never seen it.

03:03:58.000 Well, you gotta read it.

03:03:59.000 Watch that head.

03:04:00.000 Watch that head come off.

03:04:01.000 I'll watch it.

03:04:03.000 Oh my God.

03:04:04.000 Whatever happened to Heath?

03:04:05.000 He passed away.

03:04:07.000 What?

03:04:07.000 He was just a Batman.

03:04:08.000 He was a hunk.

03:04:10.000 No, Heath was the Joker and he died of a drug overdose.

03:04:13.000 Whoa.

03:04:14.000 He died a long time ago.

03:04:15.000 Probably got the booster.

03:04:17.000 What?

03:04:18.000 He did take the booster.

03:04:19.000 He took too many boosters.

03:04:21.000 A lot of boosters.

03:04:23.000 He was a fucking amazing joker, huh?

03:04:28.000 What a way to go.

03:04:29.000 I think he was the best one.

03:04:32.000 You don't think Joaquin Phoenix is the best one?

03:04:34.000 Nah, he got too introspective and emotional.

03:04:37.000 When did you start supporting communism?

03:04:38.000 When did I start supporting communism?

03:04:40.000 Oh, that's the new Riddler?

03:04:42.000 I saw someone said it's one of Kanye's fall lineup.

03:04:45.000 Looks like Antifa.

03:04:52.000 He looks like a lesbian, but he's good.

03:04:55.000 But it's very Watchmen-y looking, isn't it?

03:04:58.000 It's too dark now.

03:04:59.000 It's the Zodiac Killer.

03:05:00.000 He looks exactly like the Zodiac Killer.

03:05:02.000 But in this new world, they don't have superpowers.

03:05:04.000 No, it's the Penguin.

03:05:05.000 Penguin?

03:05:06.000 I forget who they are.

03:05:07.000 It's Colin Farrell?

03:05:08.000 Yeah, it's Colin Farrell.

03:05:09.000 What?

03:05:09.000 Oh, with some crazy suit on?

03:05:11.000 From SNL? Looks like Weinstein.

03:05:14.000 Kind of.

03:05:15.000 Colin Farrell rules.

03:05:15.000 Cool jacket.

03:05:16.000 He's a hunk.

03:05:17.000 He is a hunk, dude.

03:05:19.000 Irish hunk.

03:05:20.000 Those are rare.

03:05:20.000 You guys are ugly.

03:05:21.000 I watched The Watchmen again the other night.

03:05:25.000 I've seen them.

03:05:26.000 What the fuck is your problem?

03:05:27.000 Yeah.

03:05:28.000 Have you guys seen The Watchmen?

03:05:29.000 I can't get into it.

03:05:30.000 What was the last time you watched it?

03:05:31.000 I read it.

03:05:32.000 I've seen it probably three or four times.

03:05:35.000 As have I. I'm a fan.

03:05:37.000 I watched it again the other night, like a couple weeks ago.

03:05:40.000 I was like, they couldn't make this movie today.

03:05:42.000 Really?

03:05:42.000 Why not?

03:05:42.000 Oh, it's so wild.

03:05:43.000 It's crazy.

03:05:44.000 There's a lot of racism in there.

03:05:46.000 What?

03:05:47.000 There's all kinds of stuff.

03:05:48.000 There's murder.

03:05:48.000 That was a comic book.

03:05:49.000 The good guys are murderers.

03:05:51.000 There's a real comic book.

03:05:51.000 The rapists.

03:05:52.000 What?

03:05:53.000 It's a crazy movie.

03:05:54.000 I watched it.

03:05:54.000 I was like, whoo.

03:05:55.000 Like, the scene with the pregnant lady, like, I don't want to give up anything.

03:05:58.000 Like, holy fuck, man.

03:06:00.000 Miscarriage?

03:06:01.000 No, no.

03:06:02.000 No.

03:06:02.000 Or when Rorschach finds the fucking kids.

03:06:05.000 Oh, my God.

03:06:05.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

03:06:06.000 I can't wait.

03:06:07.000 That sounds awesome.

03:06:08.000 There's so many scenes in that movie, like, what the fuck?

03:06:10.000 Rorschach is the best.

03:06:11.000 Like, everybody is so flawed, and Dr. Manhattan is the shit.

03:06:14.000 And he's so autistic.

03:06:15.000 They're like, can you just be chill?

03:06:17.000 And his penis is reasonable.

03:06:19.000 It's a hell of a dong.

03:06:20.000 Oh, they show it?

03:06:21.000 But his body's perfect.

03:06:22.000 Reasonable for his size.

03:06:23.000 Yeah.

03:06:23.000 He could have easily made himself a hanger.

03:06:26.000 He could if he wanted.

03:06:28.000 He was appropriate.

03:06:29.000 Doctor Manhattan should get some credit for having an appropriate penis.

03:06:32.000 You remember that one scene where there was eight of them pleasing the girl and he was over doing physics?

03:06:37.000 He's like, I thought you liked this.

03:06:38.000 Wait, is that him?

03:06:39.000 Yeah, he gave himself that eight pack.

03:06:40.000 Looks like Mr. Freeze.

03:06:41.000 Oh, he looked amazing.

03:06:42.000 But he was like a CGI guy.

03:06:45.000 He didn't seem like a real person.

03:06:47.000 There was some sort of a radiation experiment and he was killed and then his body recomposed and it recomposed his Dr. Manhattan.

03:06:56.000 It's amazing.

03:06:58.000 That's the other Dr. Manhattan on the TV show.

03:07:00.000 Did you see the new Watchmen on HBO? That's what I'm saying.

03:07:03.000 That guy right there.

03:07:04.000 It's okay, but that guy seems like a human.

03:07:06.000 Yeah, he does.

03:07:07.000 He's in the blue man.

03:07:09.000 He's choosing to make himself a human.

03:07:10.000 Dr. Manhattan glows.

03:07:12.000 Look at the one to the left of that.

03:07:13.000 Now click on that link.

03:07:14.000 Why could he get rid of the blue?

03:07:15.000 See, that's Dr. Manhattan.

03:07:16.000 He's also supposed to be preposterously shredded.

03:07:19.000 Show it from the comic book, though.

03:07:21.000 Show it from the original.

03:07:22.000 Looks like that.

03:07:23.000 Oh, is that the comic book?

03:07:25.000 Where's this proportional penis I've been hearing about?

03:07:26.000 No, but see if you can find it in the comic book.

03:07:29.000 Trying to look.

03:07:29.000 I think that's it from the comic book there in the lower left-hand corner.

03:07:32.000 I see a black guy.

03:07:34.000 Let's see if they show more.

03:07:35.000 Yeah, he was super...

03:07:37.000 Yeah, right there, the middle, right there.

03:07:38.000 Click on that.

03:07:39.000 Yeah, so he's super jacked.

03:07:40.000 Super jacked and tall.

03:07:41.000 Oh, he's not a jack-blowing.

03:07:42.000 And he...

03:07:43.000 Well, that's true.

03:07:45.000 But I guess they probably...

03:07:46.000 The only real superhero in Watchmen.

03:07:48.000 Everyone else is just playing a superhero.

03:07:49.000 Oh, really?

03:07:50.000 Yeah.

03:07:51.000 The rest had no powers.

03:07:52.000 That's true.

03:07:53.000 That's a good point.

03:07:54.000 Yeah.

03:07:54.000 But no, that guy in the right, the far right, the gold hat, he can move real quick.

03:07:59.000 Oh, the smart guy?

03:08:00.000 Yeah.

03:08:01.000 And they all have like, they're very fast.

03:08:03.000 A lot of these guys move really fast.

03:08:05.000 Move fast?

03:08:06.000 Come on.

03:08:06.000 Yeah, like preposterously fast.

03:08:08.000 So do Filipinos.

03:08:09.000 They're just willing to take a punch and punch back.

03:08:11.000 Is that it?

03:08:11.000 They have no mercy.

03:08:13.000 It's really, really ridiculous.

03:08:15.000 There's only, you got one superhero.

03:08:17.000 It's like the Avengers.

03:08:18.000 Yeah, one superhero.

03:08:19.000 If the Avengers of everybody was Hawkeye.

03:08:20.000 It was real.

03:08:21.000 This is 59?

03:08:22.000 That old?

03:08:23.000 No, no, no.

03:08:24.000 That's when the comic book started out.

03:08:25.000 Really?

03:08:26.000 What?

03:08:27.000 Yeah.

03:08:28.000 It's an old ass comic book, man.

03:08:29.000 But it's so dark.

03:08:30.000 It's so dark.

03:08:31.000 Yeah, but I think it's the movie adaptation that's so dark.

03:08:34.000 No, no, I just read it a couple years ago.

03:08:36.000 It's dark.

03:08:37.000 It's like one of the guys, like, I was in Vietnam, I was raping people.

03:08:41.000 Oh, 86, sorry.

03:08:42.000 Why'd I get 59?

03:08:44.000 Because that's when the nuclear accident happened in the comic book.

03:08:49.000 Got it, got it.

03:08:50.000 So 86. Might as well be 59. The 80s are fucked up.

03:08:54.000 The 80s are the most fucked up.

03:08:55.000 Remember Robocop?

03:08:56.000 I was in high school.

03:08:57.000 Robocop is fucking dark.

03:08:58.000 It is dark.

03:08:59.000 I just rewatched it.

03:09:00.000 It's brutal.

03:09:01.000 Let's see what happens.

03:09:01.000 Not one black guy was killed.

03:09:03.000 Ah.

03:09:04.000 Really?

03:09:04.000 Total Recall?

03:09:05.000 Total Recall was fucked up.

03:09:07.000 Total Recall was crazy.

03:09:08.000 Three tits.

03:09:09.000 Yeah.

03:09:10.000 Three tits was great.

03:09:11.000 What would you guys do with three tits?

03:09:12.000 Would you suck them?

03:09:13.000 I'd lick them all.

03:09:14.000 You would lick all the tits?

03:09:17.000 Monday, Wednesday, Friday, break.

03:09:20.000 Monday, Wednesday, Friday, break.

03:09:22.000 That'd be fun if one was whole skim and almond.

03:09:27.000 Soy!

03:09:28.000 That's better.

03:09:29.000 Now, I wanted to show you guys a video of this guy, Spaz, and it's a very old video, but it's a classic.

03:09:33.000 It's kind of like the video you sent in the group text about the lady that was like, Motherfucker!

03:09:38.000 Oh, that crazy...

03:09:38.000 That lady rules?

03:09:40.000 Hold on, you're going to love this guy.

03:09:41.000 You have to have seen it.

03:09:42.000 How funny was that lady?

03:09:43.000 Steve Spiros.

03:09:45.000 This is a classic internet video.

03:09:47.000 They're just like, Hey, we're here for this week in fashion.

03:09:50.000 What's your name?

03:09:51.000 And he just goes...

03:09:52.000 It's incredible.

03:09:53.000 Who's Spiros?

03:09:54.000 That's his name, dude.

03:09:56.000 Steve Spiros?

03:09:57.000 Easy going?

03:09:58.000 I don't know that.

03:09:59.000 What are you saying?

03:10:00.000 It's coming.

03:10:00.000 No, I'm speaking a lot of gibberish.

03:10:02.000 You're going to explain.

03:10:02.000 Do you have a stroke?

03:10:03.000 JMO? No, no, no.

03:10:04.000 I'm trying to find the right video.

03:10:05.000 You better make this hole.

03:10:07.000 That's a lot of memes about this guy.

03:10:08.000 Steve Spiros is king.

03:10:09.000 Is he the one that's like, nobody stop me?

03:10:11.000 Yes.

03:10:11.000 With the sticks?

03:10:12.000 That guy's great.

03:10:13.000 He has two sticks.

03:10:14.000 Waterloo.

03:10:15.000 This guy?

03:10:15.000 No.

03:10:16.000 This is crazy.

03:10:18.000 You can't get the right one, dude.

03:10:19.000 Uh-oh.

03:10:20.000 What's happening?

03:10:20.000 Why are you on Twitter?

03:10:21.000 Why are you on Twitter?

03:10:22.000 It's linking to his account.

03:10:23.000 Steve Spiro's easygoing?

03:10:25.000 Easygoing.

03:10:25.000 Steve Spiro's easygoing.

03:10:27.000 J-Mode didn't sign up for this.

03:10:28.000 No, Steve Spiro's easygoing.

03:10:30.000 This is Ole Miss, dude.

03:10:30.000 This is Ole Miss football.

03:10:31.000 What is it?

03:10:32.000 No, Steve Spiro's easygoing.

03:10:34.000 I wanted to show you guys a funny video.

03:10:35.000 No, no.

03:10:36.000 Hey, I love a funny video.

03:10:38.000 Oh, this is a classic.

03:10:41.000 Did his old one get cancelled?

03:10:45.000 What's your name?

03:10:47.000 My name?

03:10:48.000 Oh, let me tell you my name.

03:10:50.000 I'm confused because, you know, like we're supposed to believe in the ministry, right?

03:10:57.000 So is the church and state supposed to be separate?

03:11:01.000 I'm confused because I never went to school.

03:11:04.000 Right?

03:11:05.000 Is a confused person get a resolution?

03:11:08.000 I don't understand.

03:11:10.000 You see, when you go like that, Right?

03:11:13.000 You have a cross, two sticks, right?

03:11:15.000 And that's how I felt when I was in Waterloo.

03:11:19.000 Because when I walked in Waterloo and smiled at people, they treated me like a vampire.

03:11:26.000 They used the cross and they went like this by not smiling at me.

03:11:32.000 In Toronto, hey, hi guys, you know me, Steve Spiros, easy going?

03:11:37.000 Those who know me, I'm a nobody.

03:11:40.000 You understand, and you can't kill a person with no body.

03:11:45.000 So, why am I afraid?

03:11:47.000 I'm not afraid.

03:11:49.000 I'm afraid of the boogeyman.

03:11:51.000 Who's the boogeyman?

03:11:52.000 You figure it out.

03:11:55.000 Does this guy have more than one video, or just this one?

03:11:58.000 And I'm going to wear my sunglasses that night.

03:12:00.000 You know why?

03:12:01.000 Because women show their tits.

03:12:04.000 Half short skirts and then they feel violated when I look at them.

03:12:09.000 Why?

03:12:10.000 Because I have sunglasses on and I'm weird.

03:12:15.000 I'm from Humberside.

03:12:17.000 I'm sorry if I made a fool of Humberside, but all those people who called me a sleepwalker, I woke up.

03:12:25.000 Now I'm going back to sleep because I can be committed in an isolation room because I'm going to go back to the ministry and allow them to perceive me as I am a fuck-up!

03:12:37.000 This guy will be doing stand-up in a week.

03:12:39.000 Hey, Toronto the good.

03:12:41.000 Look at this square.

03:12:43.000 It was a shithole when I worked here.

03:12:45.000 Now it looks like New York Manhattan.

03:12:50.000 You can't take your eyes off them.

03:12:54.000 Look at the black lady staring at them.

03:12:57.000 Why?

03:12:57.000 I don't know.

03:12:59.000 Maybe it's the church.

03:13:01.000 Talk to the Pope.

03:13:02.000 He knows everything.

03:13:03.000 I had it.

03:13:04.000 I'm gonna die.

03:13:05.000 How can you die?

03:13:08.000 Oh, wait a second.

03:13:10.000 I'm gonna be crucified, right?

03:13:16.000 Whoa!

03:13:16.000 I'm not gonna raise my voice.

03:13:18.000 What the fuck?

03:13:20.000 I just wanted you guys to take a look at that.

03:13:22.000 Man, I didn't see that coming.

03:13:23.000 What the fuck?

03:13:25.000 That's a real joke.

03:13:26.000 I'm not gonna raise my voice.

03:13:28.000 I can't stop saying it.

03:13:29.000 I'm going back to Waterloo.

03:13:31.000 Waterloo.

03:13:33.000 No idea what he was talking about.

03:13:35.000 That guy could be the new Catch Me Outside girl.

03:13:38.000 Someone just has to find him.

03:13:39.000 That was just 10 years ago.

03:13:41.000 He should be on your mom's house.

03:13:42.000 That lady was in the pocket as an interviewer, letting him make a fool of himself, holding him for so long.

03:13:47.000 Good for her.

03:13:48.000 She was amazing.

03:13:48.000 Well, at first he sounded like he knew what he was talking about.

03:13:50.000 She was like, what's your name?

03:13:51.000 And he's like, what's my name?

03:13:53.000 And then he just went, and then it took a second to be like, oh shit, this guy's out of his fucking mind.

03:13:58.000 She never falters with that mug.

03:13:59.000 She looks at the camera like, yo.

03:14:02.000 She's a solid pro.

03:14:04.000 She kept it together.

03:14:05.000 This place looks like New York Manhattan.

03:14:11.000 That's the best.

03:14:13.000 He just looks so annoying.

03:14:14.000 If you saw that guy on the street, he'd be like, that's an upstanding citizen.

03:14:17.000 I'm not even thinking twice.

03:14:18.000 Yeah, you would never think he's insane.

03:14:19.000 But he's fired up because girls are showing their tits.

03:14:21.000 I wonder what ever happened to him.

03:14:22.000 But then if you look at him, they're mad at me because I'm weird.

03:14:27.000 That's why I wear sunglasses.

03:14:30.000 Yeah.

03:14:31.000 It's got to be a bummer, dude, just walking around in sunglasses, staring at ladies' tits.

03:14:36.000 They get mad.

03:14:37.000 Ah, they don't know.

03:14:39.000 Sunglasses are the pervs like chief.

03:14:43.000 The three of us were walking today when we went on that path.

03:14:47.000 You know what I like about Austin is there's hot men jogging on that river path.

03:14:51.000 Sorry.

03:14:52.000 And then I'm walking by with my fat tits.

03:14:55.000 We went into the Vulcan last night.

03:14:57.000 A chick gave Shane the eyes.

03:14:59.000 Yeah, that's right.

03:15:00.000 And then today we were walking.

03:15:01.000 It was insane.

03:15:02.000 Insane.

03:15:03.000 Neither of us, for sure, Shane.

03:15:06.000 Then today, some dude staring at Shane the same way.

03:15:09.000 Same way.

03:15:10.000 You got Austin hots.

03:15:11.000 Yeah.

03:15:12.000 Well, you look like you're on the football team or something.

03:15:15.000 The girl in the alley that we saw, that was great.

03:15:17.000 I even looked at you guys like, did you see that?

03:15:19.000 He looks like a pit master.

03:15:21.000 Yeah.

03:15:22.000 That's right.

03:15:23.000 He has the best baby back ribs.

03:15:24.000 He can change a tire quick, right?

03:15:26.000 You go to Shane for baby back ribs.

03:15:27.000 You should have seen the way this lady...

03:15:30.000 I caught it.

03:15:31.000 It was so obvious I looked at you guys like...

03:15:34.000 What's happening here?

03:15:35.000 Was that at you guys?

03:15:36.000 No, it was not.

03:15:38.000 I think she was like, don't hurt me.

03:15:40.000 I think she was trying to avoid the old alley rape.

03:15:43.000 It might have been like she was like, there's the guy, that's the first one.

03:15:46.000 Keep my eye on him.

03:15:47.000 Right.

03:15:47.000 He's the fattest.

03:15:49.000 He's going to lose his mind.

03:15:50.000 Right, right.

03:15:51.000 Maybe she had a craving for corned beef and cabbage.

03:15:53.000 She's like, this motherfucker know how to get something.

03:15:55.000 There you go.

03:15:56.000 I just have to have the courage to ask him.

03:15:57.000 Guys, you're lucky I'm not as rude to you as you are to me.

03:16:01.000 And I want you to count your blessings right now.

03:16:06.000 Alright.

03:16:06.000 That's the Bud Light talking.

03:16:08.000 Damn, look at that pile of jewels over there.

03:16:09.000 This is nothing.

03:16:11.000 This podcast should be called the 10 Bud Light podcast.

03:16:16.000 And as soon as he gets to 10, which he is right now, I got it.

03:16:21.000 BL... M's.

03:16:24.000 Those lights matter?

03:16:27.000 BLM's.

03:16:27.000 Bud Light Men.

03:16:29.000 Bud Light Men.

03:16:31.000 BLM's.

03:16:32.000 But wait, in the car you guys said you guys were going to drink with me today.

03:16:35.000 I'm drinking.

03:16:36.000 You've been drinking.

03:16:37.000 You've been doing nothing, dude.

03:16:38.000 I had a couple scotches here.

03:16:40.000 Two scotches, four beers.

03:16:42.000 Come on, man.

03:16:42.000 He's one of those guys that doesn't think you're as drunk as him.

03:16:45.000 You guys gotta be fucking drunker.

03:16:47.000 They got high.

03:16:48.000 Why aren't you drunker?

03:16:49.000 I don't talk about you like that.

03:16:51.000 You guys are high.

03:16:51.000 Yeah, we're both high.

03:16:52.000 True, true!

03:16:53.000 That's a good point that this guy's negating.

03:16:55.000 He's done other stuff.

03:16:56.000 You think I go to the bathroom not for coke?

03:17:00.000 Ari and I are way more confused than you.

03:17:02.000 What are you guys confused about?

03:17:03.000 Far more.

03:17:06.000 Yeah, we got belliterated.

03:17:08.000 How many did I take?

03:17:09.000 I took at least four hits.

03:17:10.000 We took a lot of hits.

03:17:12.000 That's crazy.

03:17:13.000 They're high on their minds.

03:17:15.000 He thought I was Brennan Schaub.

03:17:16.000 That weed is...

03:17:17.000 Oh yeah, I thought you were going to...

03:17:20.000 Oh, you're still into it.

03:17:22.000 I'm waiting.

03:17:23.000 We think we can take you.

03:17:25.000 No, that's not the plan.

03:17:26.000 Three of us.

03:17:26.000 That's not the plan.

03:17:27.000 All three?

03:17:27.000 Maybe.

03:17:28.000 I saw those leg kicks he posted.

03:17:30.000 You think all three of us?

03:17:32.000 Maybe Jamie might need to help.

03:17:33.000 It depends on how close you are to me.

03:17:35.000 It depends if you're waiting for it or not.

03:17:37.000 Yeah.

03:17:38.000 Well, I'll tell you what the plan was.

03:17:39.000 Three of you jumped me at the same time.

03:17:41.000 There's still hope!

03:17:42.000 There's not hope.

03:17:43.000 You already fucking said it.

03:17:44.000 No, no, no, no.

03:17:45.000 You're blowing it.

03:17:46.000 No, you blew it.

03:17:47.000 You said it.

03:17:48.000 You can't.

03:17:48.000 There's no fucking sneak attack if you're like, hey.

03:17:51.000 You know what's really sad?

03:17:52.000 There's people alive that all four of us plus Jamie would be fucked.

03:17:57.000 Yeah.

03:17:58.000 We could not take them?

03:17:59.000 No, if the mountain was in the room with us, the mountain from Game of Thrones.

03:18:02.000 You don't think we could all take them?

03:18:03.000 No.

03:18:03.000 No, no, no.

03:18:05.000 You don't think, even if we knew we were going to lose a couple of us, we couldn't take them?

03:18:08.000 Nope.

03:18:08.000 I don't know.

03:18:09.000 Bullshit, we could.

03:18:09.000 I think once he crushes Norman's head, just like he did that guy with the spear.

03:18:13.000 We get scared.

03:18:14.000 That bisexual guy, remember that guy?

03:18:16.000 Yeah.

03:18:16.000 He grabs his eyeballs.

03:18:18.000 Yeah.

03:18:19.000 Once he does that to Norman, we're like, oh no, this is real.

03:18:23.000 We would have to have the rage in us or something.

03:18:25.000 No.

03:18:26.000 All five of us couldn't take Judy Gold.

03:18:30.000 She got me.

03:18:31.000 Oh, that's right.

03:18:33.000 One-on-one, she got me.

03:18:34.000 She's the mountain.

03:18:36.000 Shall we wrap this bitch up?

03:18:38.000 Should we do dates?

03:18:39.000 What should we do?

03:18:39.000 Let everybody know.

03:18:42.000 Do you want to pee?

03:18:44.000 Look at him lower his neck like a fucking brown belt.

03:18:47.000 You said you were going to do it.

03:18:49.000 I did.

03:18:49.000 Good luck.

03:18:50.000 I got the neck.

03:18:51.000 Get in there.

03:18:52.000 You put the chin down quick.

03:18:54.000 That was good instincts.

03:18:55.000 He knew right away.

03:18:55.000 He didn't even pick his arms up.

03:18:56.000 This is enough for you to stop eating.

03:18:58.000 Do you know how many times I've been choked?

03:19:00.000 Damn.

03:19:01.000 The joke was going to be we were obviously going to hang you out to dry.

03:19:05.000 I figured that.

03:19:07.000 It's not a good place to fight.

03:19:08.000 There's a lot of cords.

03:19:09.000 I thought you were going to throw me on the table or something.

03:19:12.000 That would have been better video.

03:19:13.000 Why?

03:19:14.000 I wasn't concerned.

03:19:16.000 He didn't even move his hands.

03:19:18.000 Touche.

03:19:18.000 He was in a casual pose with his hands the entire time.

03:19:20.000 It was a light grip.

03:19:22.000 You knew you were safe.

03:19:23.000 It depends on who's grabbing your neck.

03:19:25.000 That's the guy.

03:19:25.000 Dude, shut your fat.

03:19:27.000 Look at that belly.

03:19:27.000 Shut your mouth hole.

03:19:29.000 What are you talking about?

03:19:29.000 He's 8,000 pounds.

03:19:30.000 Looks like Shane from the neck down.

03:19:31.000 He does.

03:19:32.000 That guy probably weighs 500 pounds.

03:19:34.000 That guy's got a Rasputin.

03:19:35.000 I wonder what he really is.

03:19:36.000 He's lost a lot of weight because he's shredded now.

03:19:39.000 He got down because he's going to box this guy, Eddie Hall.

03:19:42.000 And they have this big boxing match they've been playing for a long time.

03:19:45.000 So along the way, he's lost a shit ton of weight and he took up boxing.

03:19:49.000 But go to that picture of him.

03:19:51.000 Damn!

03:19:51.000 Yeah.

03:19:52.000 Look at what he looks like now.

03:19:53.000 No, I couldn't take him there.

03:19:53.000 The fat one I could take.

03:19:55.000 Bro, you're not taking...

03:19:55.000 You could definitely take him.

03:19:56.000 Thank you.

03:19:57.000 Yeah.

03:19:58.000 You would lose to everybody.

03:19:59.000 Thank you for your first statement.

03:20:02.000 You would literally lose to everybody we know.

03:20:05.000 You don't think I use my intelligence to fight these fights?

03:20:06.000 You're not that smart.

03:20:08.000 Jake Paul could beat him.

03:20:09.000 You're dumber than you think.

03:20:11.000 You don't have any idea how big this guy is.

03:20:13.000 He's so big.

03:20:14.000 6'8"?

03:20:14.000 What are we talking?

03:20:15.000 No, I think he's 7 feet tall.

03:20:16.000 Really?

03:20:17.000 How tall is he, Jamie?

03:20:19.000 Let's see how tall is the mountain.

03:20:21.000 Look at this lady!

03:20:21.000 She's little!

03:20:22.000 That's his girlfriend.

03:20:23.000 What?

03:20:24.000 I think he's bigger than 6'5".

03:20:28.000 Really?

03:20:28.000 I think he's like 6'10 or something crazy.

03:20:30.000 Holy shit!

03:20:31.000 He should be called the mountain.

03:20:33.000 Yeah, I think he's something crazy.

03:20:34.000 13 cans tall.

03:20:36.000 I don't know what that means.

03:20:38.000 What is this height?

03:20:39.000 Those are big cans, too.

03:20:40.000 Those are 16 ounces.

03:20:41.000 Tall boys.

03:20:43.000 What?

03:20:43.000 We lost the TV. He was sparring with McGregor, and it was insane.

03:20:48.000 Really?

03:20:48.000 Just like as a joke, but they were sparring.

03:20:50.000 He didn't know what to do.

03:20:51.000 I'd love to see that.

03:20:51.000 And it literally looked like a child.

03:20:53.000 Six foot nine.

03:20:54.000 Six nine!

03:20:55.000 So he's basically the same side as Tyson Fury.

03:20:58.000 That's how tall Tyson Fury is.

03:20:59.000 And what's funny is Tyson Fury would maul that dude.

03:21:03.000 You think?

03:21:04.000 If they boxed.

03:21:05.000 A thousand percent.

03:21:06.000 Tyson Fury would destroy that guy.

03:21:08.000 But he could pick him up and put him in a headlock.

03:21:09.000 Listen, if Tyson Fury lost that fight, you would go to Tyson Fury and go, you owe me money, motherfucker.

03:21:14.000 Oh, there they are.

03:21:15.000 Yeah, look at the size of him.

03:21:16.000 You'd go, you threw that fight, bitch.

03:21:19.000 Isn't that funny?

03:21:20.000 Tyson Fury's body is so funny.

03:21:22.000 Why doesn't he make an effort?

03:21:24.000 He's the greatest fighter of all time.

03:21:27.000 I don't trust it.

03:21:28.000 Look at those love handles.

03:21:29.000 He's doing good.

03:21:30.000 In argument to be one of the greatest heavyweights of all time.

03:21:32.000 Is that right?

03:21:33.000 Yeah, in the argument.

03:21:34.000 A honky.

03:21:34.000 That was him when he was really fat, though, before he got back in shape.

03:21:37.000 Gross.

03:21:38.000 Because he got to over 300 pounds.

03:21:40.000 He got super fat.

03:21:40.000 You know what I don't like is your disdain for overweight people.

03:21:43.000 They should die.

03:21:45.000 Really?

03:21:45.000 Yeah, they're going to get COVID. The baddest guy that's ever lived, he's got a dad bod.

03:21:51.000 I mean, even when he's in the ring in full perfect shape, like he's right there, I mean, that's not the best body.

03:21:59.000 That's better than he looks in the ring.

03:22:01.000 In the ring, he spills out of his trunks.

03:22:03.000 It depends on what fight, but yeah, in some of the fights.

03:22:06.000 Where's Tyson Fury from?

03:22:08.000 England.

03:22:08.000 He's the Gypsy King.

03:22:11.000 He's the fucking man.

03:22:13.000 England, huh?

03:22:14.000 He's the man.

03:22:14.000 That guy is so good.

03:22:16.000 When he figured out Deontay Wilder in the last round of the first fight, and then he continued that strategy into the second fight, just annihilated him, and then he said he was going to do it.

03:22:25.000 He said he was going to stop him and knock him out.

03:22:27.000 Everybody's like, there's no way you're going to knock him out.

03:22:29.000 He's only 33 years old.

03:22:30.000 You know what's funny?

03:22:32.000 There was a video of Tyson Fury singing to...

03:22:35.000 His girlfriend or his wife.

03:22:37.000 Oh, dude, at the end of every funny karaoke, he sings so long that the crowd's like, alright, wrap it up.

03:22:43.000 After he fucks people.

03:22:44.000 Walking in Vegas.

03:22:48.000 Billy McCusker, what up?

03:22:49.000 But there's a video of him singing with his kids, and he's singing Notorious B.I.G., and he's like, if you don't know, now you know, and he says it.

03:22:58.000 Oh, wow.

03:22:59.000 But then Twitter got a hold of it, and everybody that was black on Twitter was like, look, we sent our best guy at him.

03:23:06.000 He's allowed to say it.

03:23:08.000 He's so unusual because he's literally from a band of travelers.

03:23:17.000 He really is a gypsy.

03:23:19.000 His father was a fucking bare knuckle boxer.

03:23:22.000 His father's a giant gorilla too.

03:23:25.000 They're both giant dudes.

03:23:27.000 His dad's not 6'9", but he might be 6'4", 6'5".

03:23:30.000 Huge guy.

03:23:32.000 The whole family is just giant.

03:23:33.000 So they grew up scrappy.

03:23:35.000 It's a part of their culture.

03:23:38.000 Really?

03:23:39.000 Bare knuckle.

03:23:39.000 There's a whole world in England that's bare knuckle boxing gypsies.

03:23:43.000 I mean, you ever see Snatch?

03:23:45.000 Yeah, except it's real.

03:23:46.000 Except they're monsters.

03:23:48.000 It's not Brad Pitt's shredded ass.

03:23:50.000 There's plenty of videos online of travelers having boxing matches.

03:23:53.000 Really?

03:23:56.000 He's a fucking bag of shite.

03:23:57.000 Mark Norman doesn't have a fucking chance with me.

03:23:59.000 Mark Norman.

03:24:00.000 I'll knuckle him up inside a horn round.

03:24:02.000 How good is Brad Pitt in Snatch?

03:24:04.000 Amazing.

03:24:05.000 If you get punched once bare knuckle, you're fucked.

03:24:08.000 No, not necessarily.

03:24:10.000 It depends on where you hit a guy.

03:24:11.000 Have you been in a fight?

03:24:13.000 We'll see.

03:24:14.000 Damn.

03:24:15.000 If you get hit on the forehead, it depends on who punches you.

03:24:19.000 For being too jacked.

03:24:20.000 A lot of guys, when they punch you bare knuckle on the forehead, they break their fucking hands.

03:24:24.000 Oh yeah, like that movie.

03:24:25.000 Happens all the time, man.

03:24:27.000 What's this?

03:24:27.000 This movie is incredible.

03:24:30.000 Oh, that's the guy.

03:24:31.000 That guy was like the world champion.

03:24:35.000 So this movie is about...

03:24:37.000 I hate this man.

03:24:38.000 I hate this man.

03:24:39.000 It's two families that hate each other?

03:24:41.000 Yeah.

03:24:42.000 There's a rivalry.

03:24:43.000 Yeah.

03:24:44.000 Wow.

03:24:45.000 It's like town.

03:24:46.000 You gotta hear something.

03:24:50.000 Until one man gives up.

03:24:53.000 And they would fight in the streets.

03:25:00.000 So there's all these videos these guys made, like challenge videos.

03:25:11.000 Leave me alone and let me get on with my life.

03:25:14.000 Leave me alone.

03:25:15.000 I'm done with this fight and...

03:25:17.000 Irish travelers?

03:25:20.000 Yeah, well, you know, you have to have kind of a different style to be a bare-knuckle guy.

03:25:25.000 And you have to be huge, apparently.

03:25:26.000 A lot of these guys are big as fuck.

03:25:28.000 That guy's old.

03:25:29.000 Yep.

03:25:30.000 When's this coming out?

03:25:31.000 Bumfights.

03:25:32.000 Bumfights.

03:25:33.000 Oh, really?

03:25:33.000 I'd love to see this.

03:25:34.000 You gotta watch it.

03:25:35.000 They interview the guys in the trailers.

03:25:37.000 It's fucking hilarious.

03:25:38.000 They all live in caravans.

03:25:39.000 Whoa!

03:25:39.000 And that's how they want to live, too.

03:25:41.000 But they're so big.

03:25:42.000 How do they fit?

03:25:43.000 They barely fit.

03:25:45.000 He's a legend.

03:25:46.000 There's two stories out here.

03:25:48.000 There's two stories out here.

03:25:51.000 He does heavy training.

03:25:52.000 Look at him.

03:25:53.000 That's not real.

03:25:54.000 Is that fake, Jamie?

03:25:57.000 That was fake as shit.

03:25:59.000 Oh, the weights, you mean?

03:26:00.000 Yeah.

03:26:01.000 It's like 50 pounds.

03:26:02.000 Two stones and two stones.

03:26:03.000 What is he saying it weighs?

03:26:05.000 One stone, what is it, 13?

03:26:06.000 Yeah.

03:26:07.000 What's he saying it weighs?

03:26:08.000 25 pounds, I guess.

03:26:09.000 Maybe it's...

03:26:13.000 It's just funny listening to these guys talk.

03:26:16.000 These are real people.

03:26:18.000 Smoking cigarettes.

03:26:19.000 Smoking cigarettes.

03:26:32.000 That's a fight.

03:26:37.000 That's what I call a fight.

03:26:39.000 That's what I could do.

03:26:40.000 Break a man up.

03:26:44.000 That's a crazy way to live your life, man.

03:26:46.000 Living out of a trailer, beating the fuck out of dudes, bare knuckle.

03:26:50.000 But it's a real thing.

03:26:51.000 Those are real people.

03:26:52.000 All we got is like Honey Boo Boo.

03:26:54.000 Here's a girl.

03:26:55.000 They're so angry.

03:27:04.000 See if you can find where Tyson Fury came from, because his group was this tight.

03:27:09.000 They'd all be defeated by an 80 degree die.

03:27:13.000 He'd be defeated by what?

03:27:15.000 One sunny day.

03:27:16.000 One sunny day we'd take him out.

03:27:18.000 That's hilarious.

03:27:19.000 Damn.

03:27:20.000 It's cool that he exists.

03:27:21.000 Well, it's a wild culture.

03:27:23.000 But they make some great fucking boxers.

03:27:25.000 There's a few good kickboxers that come from there, too.

03:27:27.000 Really?

03:27:28.000 Yeah.

03:27:29.000 So they must watch Sights and Fury and go nuts.

03:27:30.000 Oh, fuck yeah.

03:27:31.000 Literally, his belt says Gypsy King.

03:27:34.000 Really?

03:27:34.000 Yeah, he's the king.

03:27:36.000 Does he still fight Gypsy or no?

03:27:38.000 What?

03:27:39.000 No chance.

03:27:39.000 Does he still fight the gypsy fights?

03:27:41.000 No.

03:27:41.000 Dude, he fights for a hundred million dollars in fights.

03:27:43.000 He fights for a hundred million dollars in fights.

03:27:45.000 He's the heavyweight champion of the world.

03:27:46.000 Yep, not everywhere.

03:27:47.000 Shut your fucking mouth.

03:27:49.000 That was him when he was young and handsome.

03:27:52.000 Whoa!

03:27:53.000 He was handsome.

03:27:54.000 Some kids walk in the gym and they're like, not obviously really.

03:27:56.000 And I've always been like...

03:28:03.000 Well, I thank Mick for that, but I'm here to back him up.

03:28:09.000 And if I don't, then there's a big problem.

03:28:13.000 I've got all the ability and all this.

03:28:14.000 Tyson had a little podcast.

03:28:15.000 He was laying on a couch just talking some shit.

03:28:19.000 About who?

03:28:20.000 He was like, I don't care.

03:28:22.000 Well, that must be fun.

03:28:24.000 I think it's a little bit against your people, you guys.

03:28:26.000 Well, he's literally the baddest man on earth.

03:28:29.000 It's not a heavyweight UFC fighter.

03:28:31.000 It just shows that the poorest fucks are the best fighters.

03:28:34.000 Not the poorest, but the most oppressed.

03:28:36.000 The writers.

03:28:37.000 But it's part of their culture to fight.

03:28:40.000 It's a normal thing.

03:28:41.000 It's like they relish the opportunity, and it's a great way for men to prove their manhood, and they're fucking good at it.

03:28:48.000 What if you grow up there and you just want to be a graphic designer?

03:28:50.000 Tough shit, fuckface.

03:28:52.000 Nobody wants to design their album cover.

03:28:58.000 Right, I just like fashion.

03:29:01.000 It's a fucked up way to make a living, getting punched in the face with bare knuckles.

03:29:05.000 Yeah.

03:29:05.000 Okay, what about a hug?

03:29:07.000 Alright, the Blowjob Boys.

03:29:09.000 Hey!

03:29:11.000 BJB. Four queefs.

03:29:13.000 BLMs.

03:29:14.000 Alright.

03:29:15.000 What's that, Jamie?

03:29:17.000 What time's the show?

03:29:18.000 We've got a show in an hour.

03:29:20.000 Does anybody want to smell some smelling salts?

03:29:22.000 I forgot to last time.

03:29:24.000 I gotta wake up.

03:29:26.000 Guys, Cleveland sold out this weekend.

03:29:28.000 Why are you promoting gigs for smelling salts in the middle of the show, you fuck?

03:29:32.000 No, because this is going to make a video, you fucking idiot, and that video is going to be everywhere.

03:29:38.000 It's not Cleveland this weekend when this video goes around.

03:29:41.000 How excited were you for Cleveland sold out?

03:29:42.000 Cleveland will be done.

03:29:44.000 My ex had a real stank, tangy veg.

03:29:47.000 I bet I can take this.

03:29:48.000 No, no, no.

03:29:49.000 You cannot take this.

03:29:50.000 Smelling salts?

03:29:50.000 We'll go with Norman because he's cocky.

03:29:52.000 There's our archphere.com.

03:29:53.000 I'll save him for...

03:29:54.000 Okay, save him for later.

03:29:56.000 Ready?

03:29:56.000 Now what is this, powders?

03:29:57.000 I gotta open it up, too.

03:29:58.000 No, it's like a crystal.

03:29:59.000 You gotta open it up.

03:30:00.000 Open it up, but don't throw it at me or anything.

03:30:02.000 I won't throw it.

03:30:03.000 When the smell hits you like a fucking freight train.

03:30:06.000 Watch this.

03:30:09.000 No way.

03:30:10.000 No way.

03:30:12.000 Wait, you don't take an individual?

03:30:14.000 No, no, no.

03:30:14.000 Like a freight train.

03:30:16.000 What?

03:30:16.000 No way.

03:30:17.000 What are these used for?

03:30:19.000 Give it to Shane.

03:30:20.000 Waking people up when they're knocked out.

03:30:22.000 Waking people up when they're knocked out.

03:30:24.000 No, no, but this specific one is for weightlifting.

03:30:26.000 It smells like my ex.

03:30:30.000 Powerlifting.

03:30:30.000 You don't take anything out.

03:30:32.000 Just take a sniff.

03:30:33.000 Just take a sniff.

03:30:34.000 Go ahead.

03:30:34.000 Ready?

03:30:35.000 Three, two, one.

03:30:39.000 You got too deep.

03:30:40.000 You went too deep.

03:30:41.000 Look at the hit!

03:30:43.000 Holy hell.

03:30:45.000 Look at the hit!

03:30:46.000 Bro, you blew your neck out.

03:30:48.000 There at the back of my head.

03:30:49.000 You pulled a muscle.

03:30:50.000 You blew your fucking neck out.

03:30:51.000 My nose bleeding?

03:30:52.000 Have you done this before?

03:30:53.000 Oh, yeah.

03:30:53.000 I did it with Theo.

03:30:55.000 Holy dick.

03:30:56.000 Me and Theo did it the first time.

03:30:59.000 Bigger nose!

03:31:00.000 Bigger nose!

03:31:02.000 Stronger...

03:31:02.000 Olfactory senses.

03:31:04.000 I bet Ari's like a bloodhound.

03:31:07.000 I bet he smells us different.

03:31:09.000 I'm tearing up.

03:31:09.000 Do you smell us different than we smell you, do you think?

03:31:11.000 What the hell?

03:31:12.000 And I eat ass.

03:31:14.000 But the way he did that, I'm like, who the fuck?

03:31:18.000 How can he do that?

03:31:19.000 Where's the top?

03:31:20.000 I don't know.

03:31:21.000 Bring that over here.

03:31:22.000 Give it to daddy.

03:31:24.000 I'm snotting.

03:31:25.000 Oh my god.

03:31:26.000 I didn't hate it.

03:31:27.000 It stings so bad.

03:31:28.000 I watched you guys do it.

03:31:29.000 I've only done this a couple of times before, but I remember what it's like.

03:31:33.000 Let's see if I've minimized it in my mind.

03:31:36.000 I went too close to the bottle, I think.

03:31:38.000 Go close.

03:31:40.000 You gotta take a big hit.

03:31:41.000 You didn't get in there.

03:31:42.000 I took a big old hit.

03:31:45.000 You look like you watched my special on Netflix.

03:31:50.000 I was ready for it this time.

03:31:53.000 I wouldn't mind taking another hit, dude.

03:31:56.000 I like that.

03:31:56.000 It wakes you up.

03:31:57.000 I feel cleared out.

03:31:59.000 Oh, shit.

03:31:59.000 I had COVID before that.

03:32:01.000 Oh, my God.

03:32:02.000 It killed it.

03:32:02.000 It's so surprising.

03:32:03.000 Yeah.

03:32:04.000 Right?

03:32:04.000 I didn't think it was like that.

03:32:06.000 It burns.

03:32:06.000 It's piercing.

03:32:07.000 Oh, my ears popped.

03:32:08.000 It still hurts.

03:32:10.000 It's very shocking.

03:32:12.000 Even though I know it, I've done it already, and you have to keep it in this plastic bag.

03:32:16.000 Shout out to, how do you say his name, Jamie?

03:32:18.000 The Devil.

03:32:19.000 Yeah, right?

03:32:21.000 Holy hell.

03:32:24.000 He's a power-lifted dude who, this is his product, and it's called Ah, right?

03:32:30.000 It's called Ah!

03:32:32.000 That's what you do.

03:32:34.000 You never hear about smelling pepper.

03:32:37.000 Bro, this stuff is...

03:32:38.000 It wakes you right the fuck up.

03:32:40.000 Damn.

03:32:40.000 I get a shot after that.

03:32:42.000 Gentlemen, we have a show tonight.

03:32:44.000 How exciting.

03:32:44.000 Great job, guys.

03:32:45.000 I can't go on after that.

03:32:46.000 How exciting.

03:32:47.000 Let's go do stand-up comedy.

03:32:48.000 Come on, let's have some fun.

03:32:48.000 Hammered.

03:32:49.000 I think Shane Gillis is going to be really funny tonight.

03:32:51.000 I bet you I am.

03:32:53.000 Finally.

03:32:53.000 I have a feeling he's going to be angry.

03:32:55.000 Alright, we did it.

03:32:56.000 Cuddle party, protect our parks.

03:32:58.000 Come on.

03:32:59.000 Vote online.

03:33:00.000 BLM. Tweet to Shane because he reads everything.

03:33:03.000 You guys remember him?

03:33:04.000 What were the good ones?

03:33:05.000 Cuddle party.

03:33:07.000 Guy clan.

03:33:08.000 Forkweeps.

03:33:09.000 Yeah.

03:33:10.000 Guy clucks.

03:33:10.000 The meat crew.

03:33:12.000 Oh, Bushmeat Boys.

03:33:14.000 Bushmeat Boys is pretty good.

03:33:16.000 Bushmeat Boys is good, but now we're just naming a podcast.

03:33:18.000 Should we name it like it's a podcast?

03:33:20.000 Well, we're doing a podcast, essentially.

03:33:22.000 It seems like when we did the first one, it was so fun to do that we're like, we need to do this more often.

03:33:28.000 Just get hammered, smoke some joints and some cigars.

03:33:31.000 I'm not drunk at all.

03:33:33.000 Yeah, okay.

03:33:33.000 Same.

03:33:34.000 Too sober as a bird.

03:33:35.000 I can drive.

03:33:37.000 We don't need to name it.

03:33:38.000 We don't need to name it, dude.

03:33:40.000 Naming stuff's fucking corny.

03:33:41.000 Let the internet name us.

03:33:43.000 Definitely not.

03:33:47.000 We'll just call it episode two.

03:33:49.000 We'll see you in three months.

03:33:52.000 We'll be back.

03:33:52.000 Anybody else got anything to promote?

03:33:55.000 Phoenix, Denver.

03:33:58.000 Cleveland, Phoenix.

03:34:00.000 Vancouver coming.

03:34:01.000 What are you doing in Phoenix?

03:34:03.000 Phoenix is doing the stand-up live.

03:34:05.000 Nice.

03:34:06.000 That's a big room.

03:34:06.000 That's a great room.

03:34:07.000 Fun one.

03:34:07.000 That's a great room.

03:34:09.000 You and Wise Guys at Salt Lake?

03:34:11.000 Sold out.

03:34:12.000 Me and Norman are doing that together.

03:34:14.000 Hell yeah.

03:34:15.000 Comedy.

03:34:16.000 Already in March.

03:34:16.000 You sold out, you fucking piece of shit.

03:34:18.000 How about you add another show?

03:34:19.000 We are going to add another one.

03:34:21.000 They're trying to add a show.

03:34:22.000 We're thinking about another one.

03:34:24.000 An early one.

03:34:25.000 A 331. Oh yeah, our tickets are already sold out.

03:34:28.000 Shane and I are going to be at the Irvine Improv.

03:34:32.000 The day before the UFC, which is what, February 21st?

03:34:36.000 I thought it was January.

03:34:38.000 Whatever it is.

03:34:39.000 Who's fighting?

03:34:40.000 Anybody fun?

03:34:41.000 Whoa!

03:34:43.000 Isn't that like next week?

03:34:44.000 The Gypsy Queen.

03:34:45.000 Hey, I'll be at the Des Moines, Syracuse, Sacramento, Kansas City, Omaha, Columbus, Fort Wayne, La Jolla, Tampa.

03:34:53.000 Fort Wayne's a new club.

03:34:55.000 I've been counting down.

03:34:57.000 Summit.

03:34:58.000 Tuesdays are stories.

03:34:59.000 We might be drunk.

03:35:00.000 Out to lunch.

03:35:02.000 On YouTube.

03:35:02.000 That's Francis Ngannou and Cyril Ghosn, too.

03:35:05.000 Oh, he's good.

03:35:06.000 They better watch out.

03:35:07.000 I might get in there and knock one of those guys off.

03:35:10.000 Black on black cry.

03:35:11.000 That signifies that he's had the 10 jewels.

03:35:14.000 The 10 crystals have made it into his system.

03:35:16.000 He thinks he can fight Francis Ngannou.

03:35:18.000 10 jewels pop.

03:35:18.000 Alright, who's this?

03:35:19.000 This is Shane.

03:35:19.000 This is me.

03:35:20.000 January 13th, Tacoma Comedy Club.

03:35:22.000 I heard that place is the shit.

03:35:24.000 Tacoma's great.

03:35:24.000 Good room.

03:35:24.000 That's through the 15th.

03:35:26.000 And then Comedy Connection, boom!

03:35:28.000 The Volk.

03:35:30.000 Used to be a bank.

03:35:31.000 You know that?

03:35:32.000 Used to be a bank.

03:35:34.000 Wise guys.

03:35:35.000 Look at you guys.

03:35:35.000 Killing it.

03:35:36.000 The best clubs.

03:35:36.000 Levity Live.

03:35:37.000 That's a great place.

03:35:39.000 West Nyack?

03:35:40.000 That's a fucking fun gig.

03:35:41.000 I used to do that gig.

03:35:42.000 Shut the fuck up.

03:35:45.000 We're going to 6th Street tonight.

03:35:47.000 Hell yeah!

03:35:48.000 Good night, everybody.

03:35:48.000 See you soon.

The Joe Rogan Experience - January 14, 2022

Joe Rogan Experience #1764 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand

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