Joe Rogan Experience #1802 - Protect Our Parks 3
Episode Stats
Length
4 hours and 17 minutes
Words per Minute
204.20319
Hate Speech Sentences
252
Summary
On this episode of the pod, the boys talk about the new parks bill, the recent shooting of a woman in New York City, and aliens. Also, Ben and Jerry's is a communist food, and the boys try to figure out what's going on in the world and why they don't like the way things are going right now. Also, the guys talk about what they would do in a post 9/11 world, and how they would react if they were in charge of the US government. And of course, they talk about aliens. Enjoy the pod and don't forget to subscribe on your favorite streaming platform so you never miss an episode. The boys are back with a brand new episode of The Boys Show! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. All rights reserved. Used by permission. We do not own the rights to any music used in this episode. All credit goes to original artists and music used on the show. Thank you to my good friend, Kevin McLeod for producing this episode and all of our sponsors. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review and a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, we'll be listening to you in the next episode! and we'll get a shoutout on the next one, too! and a shout out on our socials! we're listening to it in the future episodes of the show "The Boys Talkin' about aliens and UFOs. and other stuff like that you like it. Thank you! We'll be looking out for your feedback! Love ya! -Kevin McLeod Kevin McElroy - Thank you so much Kevin McEllay - Kevin McElvay & the boys are looking over this episode, Kevin McKee , and we're looking forward to seeing you, too. -Alyssa, and we hope you enjoy it! -- Thank you for all the love and support you're listening and supporting you, so much love, bye! Kevin, Kevin, Kristy, too much love you, bye, Kevin and your support is so much, thank you, Thank you, Kevin & Yoko Love you, Kristian, and all the best, Krista, too, and bye, bye. :P. Love, Kevin
Transcript
00:00:20.000
So from the time of Protect Our Parks, we officially have lost one park.
00:00:28.000
Everyone says you have a big reach is wrong because you protected O for one parks.
00:00:39.000
I saw signs like, hey, we have to tear down the rest of it too.
00:00:44.000
The thing about New York is they're letting everybody out.
00:00:48.000
He just shot somebody and they let him out with no bail.
00:00:51.000
And everybody's like, what the fuck is going on?
00:01:10.000
People that think that all Asians are responsible for COVID, so you just go up to Asians and punch them.
00:01:16.000
When it gets down to the lowest level reaction to a crisis, I see a lot of people today that are really pissed at Russian people, boycotting Russians.
00:01:35.000
Remember when we made french fries into freedom fries?
00:01:42.000
How about the dummies that pour their vodka down the toilet?
00:01:51.000
I was in Salt Lake when it started and they had like a law, they were like, we're banning Russian vodka.
00:02:07.000
Imagine if you're like some hardcore lefty communist and you sell something and then they say, oh America, America's bombed fucking Yemen.
00:02:17.000
We can't sell American products anymore, so your American products now are useless.
00:02:26.000
I'm Tom's of Maine, I give my head to homeless.
00:03:01.000
It would have to be a joke where, like, you buy ice cream for everybody.
00:03:06.000
Talk to Yoko Smirnoff so he can come up with something for you.
00:03:22.000
I was pressing buttons, but it was changing the color of the UFO. I'm a child.
00:03:35.000
Well, I was obsessed with alien aliens from other planets.
00:03:40.000
I think if Russia starts launching nukes, I think they'll probably show up.
00:03:51.000
They saw it the first time and they were like, well, the Japanese had it coming.
00:03:54.000
I saw the first one go off, and they were like, nice.
00:03:58.000
That's when there was the big uptick in UFO sightings.
00:04:05.000
That's when all the UFO sightings started happening.
00:04:09.000
That's the ones over D.C. All the big UFO sightings happened after the nuclear bombs.
00:04:16.000
The thought in the conspiracy, the crazy people, like who knows what they're really seeing, right?
00:04:22.000
But the thought is that the aliens are coming to observe because they realize we now have nuclear weapons.
00:04:27.000
So they've decided to make a trip to Earth to see what these fucking crazy monkeys with nuclear weapons or territorial, what they're up to.
00:04:35.000
Weren't they having sightings at missile silos and shit?
00:04:39.000
Not just sightings, but they shut down nuclear facilities, like nuclear weapons facilities.
00:04:51.000
I think they're basically letting you know, like, watch what we can do.
00:04:57.000
Yeah, hover over your facility, shut everything down.
00:05:06.000
I mean, there's some things that I've seen, some videos that I've seen that are fucking wild, like the fighter pilot videos where they're watching this thing move at insane rates of speed.
00:05:25.000
I knew you were going to come on here and be a nasty son of a bitch with your fucking bad suit.
00:05:40.000
I can't believe that suit just fits you perfectly, and you found it at a thrift store.
00:05:47.000
It's like the exact size, and you're in odd shape.
00:05:57.000
I tried it off, and I'm like, oh yeah, I gotta do something special for you guys.
00:06:05.000
Right before COVID. I had to bring something to the Comedy Story anniversary.
00:06:32.000
When are you going to stop working for the state?
00:07:09.000
When this infomercial came on, it was, like, exciting.
00:07:31.000
It also includes utility payments, homeowner insurance payments, property taxes.
00:07:57.000
Lampanelli retired from the video that went around of her having a meltdown.
00:08:03.000
Somebody's heckling her and she got real serious.
00:08:12.000
Like, you know, where a comic crosses that line, like, I don't need this!
00:08:23.000
Like, when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock, Chris Rock talked to Will Smith, and then he went back to the script.
00:08:31.000
When he went back to the script, it was like, oh, this is wild, because you're watching one of the best comics in the world.
00:08:43.000
There's no way anyone's just going to transition to the fact that you're doing a documentary.
00:08:51.000
It's like if a waitress drops a tray of drinks and you're like...
00:08:53.000
And then later at the supermarket, I was like, what's wrong with you?
00:08:57.000
I mean, think about him, though, like, getting slapped, and literally no one does anything.
00:09:05.000
I mean, they kind of seep in, too, that's like, hey, you know how you're in Hollywood?
00:09:12.000
Yeah, we don't support you as much as we support them.
00:09:17.000
Lost sheep without a shepherd, like, oh, what is happening here?
00:09:21.000
I would have been sitting there like, yo, holy shit.
00:09:25.000
Well, how about the fact that they gave him a standing ovation later when he went up to talk and he actually accepted an award after assault and he gets a standing ovation.
00:09:35.000
And no one's even going, like, kind of sitting down going, like, what?
00:09:44.000
I think if it wasn't black on black, it would have been different.
00:09:49.000
Oh yeah, if it was like a white guy slapped Chris Rock?
00:09:54.000
What if Chris Pratt went up and slapped Chris Rock?
00:10:01.000
No, it would have to be someone big like Will Smith.
00:10:08.000
No, he's definitely not getting an award later.
00:10:22.000
It would have been different if, first of all, Will Smith's in the front row and there's no stage.
00:10:27.000
If he had to shimmy out of the fifth row, I think it would have been a different dynamic.
00:10:34.000
Even then, everybody would have thought he was doing a bit.
00:10:40.000
When he walked out, Chris Rock was like, oh, here it comes.
00:10:47.000
And when you watch how he hit him, he switched legs.
00:10:50.000
So he threw a punch and actually switched legs.
00:10:52.000
So it was like he was doing a pro wrestling slap.
00:10:57.000
He picked that right leg up, which is what you end up picking up.
00:11:09.000
It'll register that your technique is terrible.
00:11:11.000
When you slap somebody, if you slap someone, it's no different than punching someone.
00:11:17.000
This foot's planted and you fucking turn into it and smack someone.
00:11:20.000
Like when you watch those guys, they stand across the table and they KO each other with the slaps and the powder goes flying.
00:11:30.000
Well, you're getting slapped as full blast, and if someone hits you with the palm of their hand, you can do something with the palm of your hand that you can't do with your knuckles.
00:11:38.000
Like, I could do that and it doesn't hurt at all.
00:11:39.000
But if I did that that hard with my knuckles, it would fucking hurt.
00:11:51.000
His mic is right on his bow tie, too, so it sounds louder.
00:11:58.000
Watch the left leg switches and then the right leg goes forward.
00:12:27.000
Yeah, see, that's where you see the little switch of the legs.
00:12:30.000
But he's hitting them with the tips of the fingers.
00:12:33.000
Kevin Clancy at KFC Radio, he said that that's a Scientology thing.
00:12:38.000
They teach you how to slap to get support for yourself if you're being embarrassed.
00:12:56.000
They teach you how to slap somebody if they give you an offense.
00:13:01.000
Not to punch, because you don't want to get in a physical fight, but to slap.
00:13:14.000
But is this a theory by someone who had this theory before Will Smith smacked Chris Ross?
00:13:21.000
The slap is much less interesting when you realize that Will Smith almost certainly went through the Scientology courses that teach you to unapologetically use slaps and physical force to let a fellow Scientologist know they've done something wrong.
00:13:39.000
Why does that make it much less interesting, Max Burns?
00:13:43.000
There's a Scientology course, I guess you'd call it, that involves slapping, physically humiliating fellow Scientologists in a group setting as a means of exerting superiority.
00:13:58.000
Tom Cruise does a similar thing, but his preferred method is shouting an intense personal intimidation Of movie crews.
00:14:07.000
Scientologists, he feels, aren't fulfilling the KSW ideology, etc.
00:14:13.000
It's rare that you see the physical side of it in so public a form.
00:14:26.000
Let's Google whether Will Smith is actually a Scientist.
00:14:58.000
Willow and Jaden attempted Smith's short-lived school.
00:15:03.000
Widely believed to be a center of Scientology called the New Village Leadership.
00:15:10.000
Everybody there, you should definitely take the word for everything.
00:15:26.000
I just don't feel like I'm good enough, so I had to leave.
00:15:32.000
Will Smith has attempted to combat Scientology claims over the years, making it clear that he and his wife Jada Pinkett are not a part of Scientology.
00:16:07.000
Will Smith is a good guy and he's not a Scientologist.
00:16:15.000
You guys love controlling the narrative, don't you?
00:16:19.000
If your wife, like, openly is in a public, sort of open relationship, you have to be more reserved than a regular guy.
00:16:30.000
You gotta be more, you gotta be like, it is what it is.
00:16:36.000
You can't be like Mr. Snap at the fucking slightest.
00:16:41.000
Because your wife's getting fucked by other people.
00:16:59.000
I think she shaves it so she can't pull it out.
00:17:06.000
Maybe when she beats Will up, you can't grab her hair.
00:17:12.000
I don't think the black ladies like the hair pulling.
00:17:15.000
I've had sex with a couple, and the hair stuff didn't go well.
00:17:27.000
So you tried some white girl shit on a black lady?
00:17:40.000
There's no other- There's gotta be a couple McRishas kicking around.
00:17:44.000
Isn't it funny that there's no other word like a Karen?
00:17:47.000
Like, Karen is like, there's no- I guess it's Chad for white guys, but it doesn't really work.
00:17:57.000
And if your fucking name is Karen, like, you've been Karen your whole life until about six, seven years ago, it all fell apart on you.
00:18:26.000
It's so crazy that the more time goes on, the less I can believe it actually happened.
00:18:36.000
There's all the People magazine, how dare Will Smith do this, you know, violence.
00:18:40.000
And then day two, the publicist took over, and then it's this man fiercely defended his wife.
00:18:45.000
Like, you could just tell the publicist, we've got to spin this somehow.
00:18:47.000
But that's just telling Chris Rock under the bus even more.
00:18:59.000
Because he would have to be sold out now and be at 20% sold before.
00:19:05.000
If he sells 100 tickets a day, now he's selling 400 tickets a day.
00:19:25.000
So the agents get their slimy little paws all over the situation.
00:19:37.000
They said he moved more tickets in a few days after the Oscars than a whole month.
00:19:42.000
Him not saying anything, we all wanted him to say something, but him not saying anything allowed the internet to say, we'll take it over for you, dude.
00:19:52.000
He had that one moment where he was like, ooh, I couldn't.
00:19:55.000
He's like, yeah, right after he got slapped, he's like, it was just a joke.
00:20:01.000
But the way he said it, it's such a crazy meltdown.
00:20:07.000
Like, you see his face when his lips are quivering.
00:20:10.000
Leave my wife's name out of your fucking mouth!
00:20:16.000
And the weird thing, he wasn't even saying, out of your.
00:20:19.000
Like, he's invoking ghetto black culture when he's being violent, because that's what he thinks violence is.
00:20:25.000
He's playing a role of a guy who can just slap people.
00:20:31.000
Things were coming from this marketplace, just so you know.
00:20:39.000
We sold more tickets to Chris Rock overnight than we did in the past month combined.
00:20:42.000
Had increased to 411. That's way more than 40%.
00:20:52.000
So it's not agents that got the greasy hands on it.
00:21:05.000
I mean, right now, I'm doing Vegas soon, so today my tickets went on pre-sale.
00:21:10.000
And I have a pre-sale password, so you have to do all the registering and everything to do all that.
00:21:15.000
But still, people still buy tickets and resell them for shitloads of money.
00:21:25.000
He used to make everybody pay cash, and you had to line up the day of the show.
00:21:29.000
Yeah, you could only buy two tickets at a time.
00:21:36.000
I mean, we and the door guys made a lot of money off that.
00:21:45.000
Because we fucked up when Rob Williams came, we realized we should have.
00:21:48.000
And then we ended up having Louie, like, I got 40 bucks on me.
00:21:50.000
They used to get big tips to give people booths, right?
00:22:00.000
When I was a door guy, it was like, please give me a dollar.
00:22:07.000
Occasionally on weekends, New Year's Eve was good.
00:22:09.000
You can make like a hundred bucks on New Year's Eve.
00:22:11.000
Isn't it funny how the store goes through cycles?
00:22:15.000
When I was back last weekend, man, it felt like a normal weekend at the store.
00:22:34.000
When I came there in 94, there was fucking nobody there.
00:22:40.000
Tuesday night, it'd be like 9 o'clock show by 10.30.
00:22:49.000
It was bad until like 2002. It was starting to get better in the 90s.
00:23:03.000
No, it was rockin', 2004, 2005, yeah, up until 2007, then I got banned, but the real comeback was 2014, when you did your special, and then I came back, and then Diaz came back, and then Duncan and everybody came back,
00:23:23.000
Shortly after, or maybe right before, no, shortly after, eBay took over.
00:23:31.000
Because he came to the improv when I was headlining at the improv.
00:23:34.000
He goes, well, we'd really like to have you back at the store.
00:23:44.000
Tommy was still there when he did my special, wasn't he?
00:23:59.000
Because that's when it was just like, holy shit.
00:24:04.000
We always talked about it when we were doing the podcast from his fucking living room.
00:24:08.000
We'd always talk about crazy stories in the store.
00:24:17.000
We'd have stories of, like, Brett Ernst and stuff, and people are like, who are these mythical, like, people?
00:24:23.000
The same as, like, Louis doing his, like, intro from the cellar.
00:24:26.000
People are like, I guess that's the place to go.
00:24:28.000
You know, but way more so with this, because it's constant stories.
00:24:31.000
Yeah, the thing about the internet is, man, when people find out about a cool place like that, and they go and actually have the experience, and they tell their friends, like, oh my god, we saw this guy and that guy and Sebastian, and fucking...
00:24:42.000
It's just like, it's having a place that you could go where you're gonna have a good time.
00:24:51.000
Hans Kim, Ron White, Mark Norman, Shane Gillis, Tony Hinchcliffe, and me.
00:25:09.000
The Q&A, he'll get fucked up, and people will ask a question, and sometimes it goes well, but every once in a while I'll be like, what kind of question is that, motherfucker?
00:25:41.000
We used to have two speakers, two microphones in the aisles.
00:25:45.000
And at the end of your show, people would come on up and ask questions.
00:25:47.000
And it was just like, 50% of them was like, what did you think of this one fight?
00:25:54.000
The problem with even the stand-up on the spot thing is too many people have their hands up, too many people are yelling, and they're not paying attention.
00:26:00.000
They do a show out here called The Rift, and it's a better setup.
00:26:09.000
On the card, on a card, and then they just peg them to the wheel, and you spin the wheel, and it lands on one, and I've done that before, Creak in the Cave.
00:26:17.000
It's way better because no one's yelling out things in the audience.
00:26:20.000
Like that version of it is the way you should do that kind of an improvisation show.
00:26:25.000
Because you can come up with bits on those shows where you don't ever do material.
00:26:30.000
The problem is that people get too yelly and lift their hands up, and then they're not.
00:26:36.000
Like, I'm in the middle of answering one question, and guys are going, Joe, Joe!
00:26:43.000
You go, guys, the only way this works is you have to wait until I'm done, and I'll say any more questions, and then...
00:26:54.000
It was a fun idea, but the suggestions weren't great.
00:27:00.000
I'll get to talk about that, but this is stupid.
00:27:08.000
You want the audience to come up with the topic, because you'll be stunned occasionally.
00:27:12.000
What you need is you need the audience to come up with a topic and, you know, you go through the cards.
00:27:33.000
I bring the same friend over for Christmas every year, but...
00:27:36.000
Yeah, but I think that that's the best way to do it, is have the audience write a suggestion down on a card, have someone go through the cards, take out the preposterous ones, and then put all the cards in like a wheel.
00:27:51.000
I'm going to have a night like that at the new club.
00:27:56.000
By the way, good questions you can keep for next time.
00:28:00.000
Yeah, if you have a stack of questions, you don't even need the audience.
00:28:14.000
If you do five or six of those Q&As in a row, for me, one of them, like last night I have a gem, and I gotta go over the recordings and listen to it, but there was one where I was in the middle of it, and I was like, holy shit, this is a real premise.
00:28:29.000
And the more you do it, the better at it you get.
00:28:30.000
And then by the fifth night, you're just zinging and zanging.
00:28:34.000
Yeah, I've done it a couple times where I ended strong, like a closer, killed, and then I was like, hey, you know what?
00:28:43.000
It's like, people just yell, do Trump taking a shit?
00:28:49.000
It's better in the check drop section, and then you end with your fucking last bit.
00:28:54.000
You used to do that with the wolf bit, but you save it until after that shit.
00:28:58.000
It's hard to follow a Q&A, because it gets kind of amped up, and then you go back to, like, Uber's weird, and it's kind of a drop.
00:29:04.000
And the problem is people have got their hands up while you're doing Uber's weird.
00:29:16.000
If I could make Matt laugh, I'm like, alright, that's good.
00:29:20.000
I think the best at that, the fucking riff, just riffing, is Tim.
00:29:29.000
Burr's great, but Burr, a lot of times, Burr gets serious about stuff.
00:29:40.000
And part of it is because he has that rant muscle.
00:29:52.000
Even when he gets serious, he's serious for like 10 seconds and then he says something ridiculous.
00:29:58.000
Even if he has to make a serious point that he wants out, he'll stay funny while he's doing it.
00:30:18.000
Yeah, but it's better, because he doesn't chime in much.
00:30:22.000
He's just a one-person fan who's laughing at everything, and then Tim's wearing fucking cop aviators, and he seems like he's high as fuck, but he's sober.
00:30:42.000
I'll tell you, there's something about him that seems gay.
00:30:49.000
Are you sure he does that, or maybe he just fucks their mouths?
00:31:09.000
Apparently, that was the thing during the rock and roll era.
00:31:11.000
They said that Mick Jagger and David Bowie were found in bed together by Mick Jagger's wife.
00:31:43.000
Can you imagine if that's what you're looking forward to all day?
00:32:09.000
Tape his little mouth, tape his little feet, shove him in there and have him wiggle around.
00:32:14.000
The taping part's gotta be kind of adorable, though.
00:32:29.000
You think you shove a habitrail in there first, open it up nice, and then just blow him through?
00:32:34.000
I think you put a treat in there and let him do their job.
00:32:36.000
Your lover gets on the other end like a blow dart.
00:32:41.000
I wonder if it's one of those things you stick a tube in your butt and it goes towards the heat.
00:33:12.000
Oh, these guys don't crack out of each other's ass.
00:33:21.000
I love they always have the fucking hospital band still on.
00:33:35.000
He's digging in that guy's asshole in his face.
00:33:44.000
Look at the guy who's taking the crack in his ass.
00:34:16.000
He's like, because the Coke deal was out of my way and the crack deal was on the way home from the store.
00:34:23.000
He goes, I didn't have to make it left on Schrader.
00:34:25.000
Now that Joey's not doing any hard drugs, that he just smokes weed, he'll talk to you.
00:34:32.000
Oh yeah, but he's not doing whatever he was doing when we were worried.
00:34:38.000
When he disappeared to go meet a guy with a package.
00:34:44.000
There were times where you just wondered, is he going to be alive tomorrow?
00:34:51.000
There were moments where Joey, until his career started going well.
00:34:58.000
And his career started taking off and there was something, something came along with the internet where people started to realize who Joey Diaz was.
00:35:06.000
You're not going to get a Joey Diaz off of fucking Evening at the Improv.
00:35:11.000
Every one of his tape sets was like, what the fuck?
00:35:14.000
This is so much darker and dirtier than anything you've ever seen.
00:35:19.000
Well, when he did This Is Not Happening, that's when you got a chance to see the real him.
00:35:23.000
If Comedy Central had any fucking brains, they'd rehire you and do that show again.
00:35:37.000
Yeah, and he was one of those guys where him taking over Ari's gig was like, okay, No, he called me for permission.
00:36:01.000
The first time I met him, I was with Soder at Sal's house for the Super Bowl thing.
00:36:05.000
And he was there, and he was like, hey, he was the only one.
00:36:11.000
Where he was doing morning radio and he would drive like five hours, do a gig, and then five hours back and do radio in the morning.
00:36:21.000
He's cool because like Andre Agassi, they taught him how to hit hard and they taught him how to aim.
00:36:25.000
Roy Wood came as a fucking killer road comic and then came to New York and he was like, I'm already a destruction guy.
00:36:31.000
And now, let me show you what I can do in New York, too.
00:36:46.000
There was Craig Kilborn before Jon Stewart, and Jon Stewart was better.
00:37:04.000
And then Steve Allen was before, like, in the mix.
00:37:18.000
I was trying to get it back from them, but we could just change it to, like, Shane and I were talking with you the other day.
00:37:30.000
It's like they license a show, so it's a gray area on who has a name.
00:37:34.000
If they were cool, they should fucking just give it to me.
00:37:45.000
One of the best owns ever was when your special was coming out and Stern was shitting on you.
00:37:53.000
You did that video with you standing in front of a billboard on Sunset with your fucking face.
00:38:24.000
He said he loved American Sniper, and I was like, fuck him.
00:38:26.000
Him and Clint Eastwood just stuck each other's wrinkled dicks in their old man camps.
00:38:36.000
He spent a whole half hour talking shit about Ari being a loser, and he's got nothing going on.
00:38:43.000
And then Ari does this brilliant video where he says, it's such an honor that you even know who I am.
00:38:51.000
I know you're older, so go into your, what do you use?
00:39:01.000
He does a video where he searches his own name, and he's like, look, look at all these things.
00:39:08.000
Oh, look, I got a special coming out of Comedy Central this weekend.
00:39:26.000
Because that billboard was right down the street from the store at Pink Dot.
00:39:42.000
Literally, what you don't know is just under my underarm, just over the...
00:39:52.000
To have a billboard on Sunset Boulevard, like when Netflix put out Strange Times, when I did Strange Times, they put out a bunch of billboards.
00:40:01.000
And it was cool, but there was one of them right on Sunset, right near Carney's.
00:40:07.000
I would drive from Sunset just so I could see it.
00:40:10.000
I would drive that way from the 405. I would go from the 405 just so I could see the billboard.
00:40:19.000
We were looking at that like, fuck yeah, Ari's got a billboard on fucking sunset right next to the store.
00:40:30.000
Because also, Comedy Central never took any of us.
00:40:32.000
The store was full of losers, so it was like, having that was like this underdog win.
00:40:43.000
Ari started that fucking thing off in the lab, at the old lab in the improv, the little tiny room.
00:40:48.000
Back when it was a good setup, before they ruined it.
00:40:51.000
Yeah, no bar in there, just a black box theater.
00:40:56.000
The new setup is like, it's too busy, it's like too close to the front door.
00:41:01.000
People going through it to get to the other room.
00:41:03.000
But the old setup was amazing because it was really like a little lap.
00:41:20.000
You know, Damon Wayans has recorded every fucking set he's done since the 90s.
00:41:25.000
He sets up a tripod with an HD. He's got a camera like this.
00:41:39.000
When he came in to work out at the store, he would do this thing where he'd do really boring, hacky material for five minutes until the crowd lost faith in him, and then he would start what he's working on.
00:41:48.000
So you don't give him the fucking freebie as a famous person.
00:41:54.000
Yeah, just to like, okay, you guys are, don't trust me anymore?
00:41:58.000
I definitely saw him fuck, he definitely fucked around a lot, and like let himself get into holes, where he wasn't getting any laughs for a while, and they would dig himself out of holes, and then sometimes just murder, and then come back.
00:42:14.000
He did that show, that ABC show, and I think he made a lot of money, and he got in that whole family comedy situation where you show up, you get those big checks.
00:42:30.000
I think in this day and age, that's why Steve Harvey doesn't do specials.
00:42:35.000
Steve Harvey doesn't do stand-up anymore because he's worried about getting canceled.
00:42:39.000
Yeah, because all these guys had wild material.
00:42:41.000
And then, you know, they have these shows where they're making...
00:42:43.000
Steve Harvey's making a fucking billion dollars a year.
00:43:04.000
Moshe Kasher did it with Natasha and a couple other people.
00:43:08.000
He's like, hey dude, you can get a family, quote unquote, the three of us, Louis, just like dumb shit, and just go in there and just be a family.
00:43:44.000
What makes a person 40% autistic as opposed to a regular person like myself?
00:43:48.000
I think you have a little more emotional intelligence.
00:43:53.000
So what do you do that you go, ha, Sean Dunlap?
00:43:59.000
I'll tell you, here, let me give you two great Norman autism.
00:44:03.000
When we went on that ski trip, we're getting on the lift, he's wearing a fucking Dirk Nowitzki jersey, and this guy, trying to be friendly with his family, while we're about to get on the lift, he's like, oh, I thought Dirk was a lot taller than that.
00:44:17.000
And the lift is just some guy standing there with his family like, who the fuck was that guy?
00:44:28.000
And then we're on the plane on the way here, and he's like, can I get a whiskey?
00:44:39.000
It's funny, but I'm sitting next to her like, what the fuck are you doing?
00:44:44.000
It feels weird to end a sentence, so I need some button.
00:44:55.000
My autism results in me bringing up Joe List on This Is Not Happening, and be like, one of my best friends, and you're like, eh.
00:45:03.000
But I wouldn't say good friend Joe, just because I'm like, why would you include any of that?
00:45:08.000
It's funny, though, for me to be calling you autistic.
00:45:10.000
I was literally playing, like, a Civil War simulator on my laptop.
00:45:25.000
About anybody who's recreating the Civil War, they're not trying to recreate the same ending.
00:45:55.000
It was a union skedaddle they got out of there.
00:45:57.000
That was the one where it was outside of Washington, so a bunch of senators, they thought it was going to be fun.
00:46:02.000
They showed up for picnic baskets, sat on the hill drinking.
00:46:08.000
Didn't they used to watch on the hill in those days?
00:46:10.000
And then it ended up being, that was like, technically, some people say it was like the first modern war, so like they started hitting them with like rifled bullets, and they were like, oh shit, this isn't like what it used to be.
00:46:22.000
No, it just, shit got very serious, artillery was heavy, it was like...
00:46:26.000
And there was just a, yeah, it was a bloodbath.
00:46:30.000
And then the guys retreated through all the picnics.
00:46:33.000
Yeah, like, dudes covered in blood with, like, their arm hanging off.
00:46:36.000
We're running through the picnics, and there's ladies in those dresses.
00:46:40.000
What's crazy about the Civil War is that the border between the North and the South is, like, a literal border.
00:46:49.000
So, how many murders occurred after the Civil War?
00:46:54.000
Murders where the war was over, but people knew that you shot my daddy and you shot my brother.
00:47:24.000
He started something where they dressed up like ghosts or something.
00:47:34.000
1865, right at the end of the Second Civil War.
00:47:56.000
3 million to 6 million peaked in 1924 to 1925. Yeah, they were fired up.
00:48:00.000
In 24 to 25, there were 6 million Klan members?
00:48:23.000
At that point, they were after Catholics and Jews and shit also.
00:48:28.000
Back then, they were like, black people know where their place is, but these Jews are owning properties.
00:48:39.000
About three lights away from letting that one go.
00:48:54.000
What do you think the population of the United States was in 25?
00:49:07.000
Can you imagine if 10% of the people in the United States were in a Klan?
00:49:15.000
I bet it's 100. I bet it's 100. What do you get?
00:49:26.000
I'm going to say 100. I'm going to say 100 million.
00:49:28.000
I think it might be like 30 to 80. We're all going to be fucked.
00:49:35.000
The Native Americans were still alive, that's why.
00:49:38.000
So 6 million out of 115. Yeah, that's about 5%.
00:49:46.000
From 6 million to 8,000, we're doing a good job.
00:49:57.000
He's personally converted over 200 Klan members and neo-Nazis.
00:50:06.000
A blues singer, and he would do these gigs, and he sat down with this guy, and he was having a drink, and the guy was like, I never sat down with a black man and had a drink before.
00:50:25.000
When they ask for your fucking vaccine, be like, oh, wrong court.
00:50:28.000
Daryl becomes friends with this guy, and he converts him.
00:50:32.000
The guy hands him his fucking Grand Wizard outfit.
00:50:37.000
Now that I'm friends with you, I know this is bullshit.
00:50:44.000
By the way, that's exactly the second thing they got Jordan Peterson on.
00:50:51.000
And he was like, no, I'm trying to get him to be cool.
00:50:55.000
Well, he was joking around about the whole frog thing.
00:51:03.000
It's a meaningless symbol that they said, let's just pretend that the right takes it.
00:51:10.000
And now 4chan is sitting back going, it doesn't mean anything!
00:51:19.000
So he tried to kill off the frog, and everybody's like, nah, we're gonna keep him, or we're gonna give him a Nazi hat.
00:51:40.000
And that meme took over during the Trump administration.
00:51:53.000
Do you think Elon Musk brings Milo and Trump back?
00:52:18.000
I liked him when he would go to a college and be like...
00:52:22.000
He's a very smart guy, very articulate guy, very well-read guy who's a provocateur.
00:52:26.000
In real life he is, but his business was made on talking shit and making people upset with him and saying outrageous things and getting a lot of attention.
00:52:35.000
The one clip he had where somebody, he's in this panel, he's young, he's got this blonde, bleached blonde hair, and some lady's like, you're not a woman, you can't talk on women's issues.
00:52:43.000
And then he waits, he waits, and then he talks about men, and she interrupts and goes, hey, Missy?
00:52:47.000
Pretty much goes, we're talking about men right now, so uh-uh, you don't get the voice in here, right?
00:53:02.000
And he was one of the first guys that Twitter banned.
00:53:04.000
And they banned him under this pretense that he was having people...
00:53:08.000
There's people that are going after Leslie Jones.
00:53:11.000
And you see, I tried to press them when they were on the podcast.
00:53:16.000
But they were saying, essentially, that he had more than one account under his name.
00:53:19.000
But he worked for Daily Wire at the time, right?
00:53:29.000
But he, you know, there's probably other employees from that same office that shared that IP address that were also logging on, but they tried to attribute, they were saying that he had multiple accounts.
00:53:42.000
But when I pressed them on the show, they were fucking, they were, like, doing legalese calculations in their head as to what they would say.
00:53:53.000
I wonder why they have to even worry about legal issues.
00:53:57.000
They're getting sued left and right by a bunch of people.
00:54:02.000
Multiple people are in the process of suing them.
00:54:14.000
He should have put her in jail when he said he was gonna.
00:54:20.000
As a non-political guy, that would have been hella fun for me.
00:54:25.000
Suze Hillary Clinton over 2016 Russian collusion allegations.
00:54:30.000
Not only did they start it, but they were actually actively spying on him during the time.
00:54:35.000
And they hired people to infiltrate his servers.
00:54:47.000
Suit alleges racketeering in a conspiracy to commit injurious falsehood, amongst other claims.
00:54:52.000
Clinton representative did not respond to a request for comment.
00:54:58.000
Trump said he was forced to incur expenses in an amount to be determined at trial, but known to be in excess of $24 million.
00:55:06.000
And continuing to accrue in the form of defense costs, legal fees, and related expenses.
00:55:21.000
There's a lot of evidence that they colluded against him.
00:55:26.000
A lot of the shit that he was saying that was a wild conspiracy theory...
00:55:31.000
Turns out there was a kernel of truth in a lot of what he was saying.
00:55:43.000
It used to be almost like the correspondence dinner.
00:55:46.000
It was like right before or after the last debate.
00:55:48.000
Him and Hillary and a bunch of political people had, like, a roast.
00:55:54.000
And one of Trump's jokes was, he's like, it's good to see Hillary.
00:55:57.000
When she walked by my chair, I bumped into her and she said, pardon me.
00:56:18.000
And he's like, yeah, they're going to pretend they like the Catholics, even though they love abortion, like all this shit.
00:56:36.000
Imagine that being that rich with a bow tie and still rocking a comb off.
00:57:17.000
I've become their best friends in many instances.
00:57:21.000
They've asked for my endorsement and they always wanted my money.
00:57:26.000
And even called me really a dear, dear friend, but then suddenly decided when I ran for president as a Republican that I've always been a no-good, rotten, disgusting scoundrel.
00:57:48.000
You know, they say when you do this kind of an event, you always start out with a self-deprecating joke.
00:57:58.000
Some people think this would be tough for me, but the truth is...
00:58:03.000
Why are they dared again if they're supposed to hate each other?
00:58:16.000
In fact, many people tell me that modesty is perhaps my best quality.
00:58:28.000
You know, Cardinal Dolan and I have some things in common.
00:58:31.000
For instance, we run impressive properties on Fifth Avenue.
00:58:38.000
Of course, his is much more impressive than mine.
00:58:42.000
That's because I built mine with my own beautifully formed hands.
00:58:55.000
It's like a bad comedy special, like, get to the first joke!
00:58:59.000
If you fast forward to the end, they are turning on him.
00:59:04.000
Yeah, he's getting laughs, and then towards the end, people get, they're like, oh man, I can't support you.
00:59:21.000
This is the first time ever, ever, that Hillary is sitting down and speaking to major corporate leaders and not getting paid for it.
00:59:50.000
That's one of those videos where like, start at this point.
00:59:59.000
Yeah, it's just funny to see them all, like, him and Hillary and everybody.
01:00:07.000
It's like, these guys and Trump, they all were friends.
01:00:20.000
I mean, they found, when they went to his house, they found rooms.
01:00:28.000
Uh, that Nick Bryant dude I told you about came on ours.
01:00:41.000
I love when Joe calls you on your fax and you're like, I don't know, I kind of know it.
01:00:43.000
But if that's the case, if that's the case, where are the tapes?
01:00:50.000
Dude, alright, here's how it's very clear he's intelligent.
01:00:53.000
He got arrested by the Palm Beach Police Department.
01:01:06.000
They were like, alright, we're not gonna take it to trial.
01:01:08.000
We're gonna take it to a grand jury or whatever that thing is.
01:01:13.000
He got charged with one count and he served 13 months.
01:01:23.000
Was he fucking the kids or just providing the others?
01:01:27.000
Drone footage from when they were raiding his island in the Caribbean.
01:01:38.000
I mean, he allegedly did some crimes in New York.
01:01:42.000
He had a crazy house in New York that somebody gifted him.
01:01:50.000
There was a lot of guys that had to resign because they donated like $150 million to Epstein.
01:01:56.000
And people were like, why'd you give him that much money?
01:02:06.000
But the police in Florida were like, we were told he was intelligent.
01:02:12.000
They had a quote because they were like, how is this happening?
01:02:19.000
Yeah, they were probably like, how do I get in that fucking house?
01:02:37.000
The guy who donated was like, hey, I really love Down's kids.
01:02:47.000
So, like, they're inclusive, but they're still shallow.
01:02:55.000
In the words of David Tell, those titties ain't retarded.
01:03:01.000
There was a guy that I knew that was a counselor.
01:03:07.000
A guy that I knew was a counselor and he worked with mentally challenged people and he said they're always fucking.
01:03:14.000
Because they don't know how they're not supposed to.
01:03:24.000
We've got multiple conversations going simultaneously.
01:03:41.000
I bet some guys would be like, wait, okay, how much downs can I still have a big dick and be functional?
01:03:46.000
Do you think of some chicks who love fucking downs, boys?
01:03:55.000
There's a group of people for everything out there in this world.
01:04:06.000
Spud had- he was buddies with a guy with downs, and he said this dude ripped- they were playing basketball outside, and then he ripped the hoop out of the ground.
01:04:26.000
He's like a football player, but he's challenged.
01:05:09.000
Well, because I've had enough people around me be like, shave that.
01:05:16.000
I'm not getting, like, my girlfriend's like, yeah, you should get rid of it.
01:05:24.000
I wonder how you would look, like, is it good with the chin hair?
01:05:34.000
No, I'm thinking more offensive would be no chin hair at all, just a mustache.
01:05:41.000
That's all I'm seeing because I don't see your chin because of the mic.
01:05:55.000
What's funny is if I shave it, just the mustache, pure John Candy.
01:06:00.000
And what's funny is the last couple, like, anytime I'm talking to, like, agents or whatever about, like, a thing, they're like, I mean, we think you could, you're like, you could be John Goodman, Farley.
01:06:18.000
You could die of an overdose of hamburgers in no time.
01:06:35.000
Has anybody said, well, you know, you got a kind of specific type for casting.
01:06:39.000
Maybe it would be a good idea to not lose weight.
01:06:48.000
He's like, you're losing weight, you're losing rolls.
01:07:05.000
He got tons of rolls, and then he lost 250 pounds.
01:07:11.000
Yeah, well, if you're a big fat guy in movies and then you lose a ton of weight...
01:07:22.000
If you go up or down 20 pounds, your act is different.
01:07:27.000
Cute girls can do a different act than you can do.
01:07:31.000
Silverman can get away with jokes that you and I can't get away with.
01:07:38.000
Although chubby ladies have gotten a little fucking uppity lately.
01:07:44.000
They're all just doing an impression like, I don't give a shit!
01:07:56.000
One more Bud Light, we're gonna review this question.
01:07:59.000
It's like, no, it's like, uh, being fat is the best.
01:08:04.000
It's when a fat girl, like, whoever, Taylor, not Taylor Swift.
01:08:10.000
Adele, or whatever, and they're like, we love you, be whoever you are, and they lose weight, and all these fat chicks are like, fuck you.
01:08:17.000
I mean, obviously they're wrong, but you're feeling betrayed a little bit.
01:08:21.000
I mean, that must have been how the black people felt with Michael Jackson.
01:08:26.000
But then when he went pedophile, they're like, he's white.
01:09:08.000
It's like, you love a lot of things, but what you really love.
01:09:12.000
I would love to piss on a kid, but not in a sexual way.
01:09:18.000
I've peed on a lot of kids, but it was unintentional.
01:09:30.000
Yeah, 14. Do you think the R. Kelly thing was like what we were talking about before with David Bowie and Mick Jagger?
01:09:43.000
He got the allowance to do what he wanted, and then he found out, let me try everything.
01:09:54.000
He was, like, open a closet, there'd be a girl, and they're like...
01:10:03.000
Their parents would try to get them and be like, you need help.
01:10:30.000
I still say, I maintain to this day that Real Talk is one of the greatest music videos the world has ever known.
01:11:04.000
I like how he brings a towel on stage to sweat so much.
01:11:10.000
You can often hand it to someone in the front row and let them wipe off and sweat.
01:11:17.000
That's another thing he does is like the soap opera thing he did.
01:11:26.000
No, Trapped in the Closet was like multiple, multiple songs.
01:11:38.000
It's funny, he's like, before you do Trap in the Closet, I need to see Real Talk.
01:11:43.000
It's him talking to a girl, and she's accusing him of cheating, and he's getting his hair done, and he's smoking cigars, and he's like, what?
01:12:06.000
I think this guy just got crack blown in his ass.
01:12:26.000
We're just gonna roll to them and we're gonna do it.
01:12:28.000
I'm doing this for the fans that I know around the globe that love real talk.
01:12:49.000
Girl, I'm not about to sit up here and argue with you about who's to blame.
01:12:57.000
Only thing I'm trying to establish with you is not who's right or who's wrong.
01:13:09.000
Sitting in VIP, smoking and drinking and kicking it.
01:13:13.000
Tell me, girl, did she say there were other guys there?
01:13:36.000
It's just funny because everybody knows he's lying.
01:13:59.000
You ever see a video of that guy sing to the judge, his apology?
01:14:57.000
There's a crew and camera men and lighting guys here.
01:15:00.000
Imagine the guys who have to record this like, what the fuck is going on?
01:15:57.000
He wipes cherry pie crust off his mouth and says, man, I was paid not to tell you.
01:16:07.000
Midget says, mister, the man that paid me to do this would kill me if I tear.
01:16:13.000
The midget says, God, I think I just shit it on my face.
01:17:17.000
It probably gets uploaded and they take it down.
01:17:24.000
It's awesome that we just assumed that Black Midget was Bushwick.
01:18:06.000
Definitely see midgets when you're on mushrooms.
01:18:20.000
Hey, Rob, if you're listening, I want to go to your house, and I do have my passport and my shots.
01:18:27.000
My favorite line in that song is he goes, Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes.
01:18:35.000
Because you can tell she just said, I'm going to burn your clothes.
01:18:39.000
Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes.
01:18:42.000
This is just real conversations he's had with some chicks.
01:18:44.000
It's so funny to get caught cheating and think you have a good point.
01:18:53.000
How the fuck she know I was with them other girls, man?
01:18:57.000
I might start sing-fighting with my girlfriend.
01:19:06.000
What's amazing is how many years he got away with doing what he was doing.
01:19:10.000
Because all this real talk was after the videotape got released.
01:19:16.000
That's when it was a known thing that he liked to piss on young chicks.
01:19:26.000
He never got edited out of any movies because of pissing on underage chicks.
01:19:36.000
I think they're posting videos of him in jail singing.
01:19:39.000
All the other dudes are like, hell yeah, this is awesome.
01:19:46.000
He's appealing and asking to be sent to Juve Hall.
01:19:51.000
They tried to delay the sentencing just yesterday, and that got denied.
01:20:27.000
I mean, he would just, maybe they must be minors, but I think he was getting girls from, like, Ohio or wherever and bringing them state lines.
01:20:34.000
Prohibits the transport of any woman or girl across state lines for any immoral purpose.
01:20:42.000
Because sodomy is, like, isn't, like, oral sex is illegal in some states.
01:20:48.000
So if a girl comes across a state line to visit you and blow you...
01:20:54.000
Federal charges of child pornography and obstruction of justice.
01:20:59.000
I'm actually with the people that deny this, dude.
01:21:52.000
There is a video going around I sent to Segura last night because it's like his style.
01:22:02.000
You finish that song and go, now go out there and go rape!
01:22:07.000
Go get those white guys in here on DUI. My body is telling me yes.
01:22:13.000
My mind is telling me no, my body is telling me yes.
01:22:19.000
See if there's any other videos of him in jail.
01:22:39.000
Don't you think I got enough bullshit on my mind?
01:23:05.000
When your dad goes to the same prison as R. Kelly.
01:23:13.000
When your dad goes to the same prison as R. Kelly, that is wild.
01:23:25.000
No one's talking about the fact that he's out, right?
01:23:32.000
I think they said the stuff he admitted to was...
01:23:37.000
They promised him they wouldn't prosecute him if he confessed.
01:23:43.000
And they just did it because they didn't want riots in the streets.
01:23:46.000
Supreme Court will not review the decision to overturn Bill Cosby's conviction.
01:23:50.000
Prosecutors had appealed a ruling by the Pennsylvania Supreme Court which had overturned the conviction on due process grounds.
01:24:23.000
If he got let off in the beginning, it would have been fucking murder in the streets.
01:24:33.000
And it's all Cosby Show shit from four years ago.
01:24:41.000
But it's like one minute, 51 seconds, two minutes, 40 seconds.
01:24:44.000
You think NBC would go, no, you don't have the rights to this.
01:25:11.000
The R. Kelly thing, the day he got convicted, his YouTube account got deleted.
01:25:18.000
That's why all these videos aren't there anymore.
01:25:43.000
Don't you think I got enough bullshit on my mind?
01:26:04.000
And he got COVID in jail, they just put a fan in your room.
01:26:07.000
That's a different kind of COVID. Jail COVID. He's probably got it nice.
01:26:15.000
I think they've basically taken all of his money.
01:26:22.000
Disgraced producer Harvey Weinstein caught smuggling milk duds in jail.
01:26:30.000
Look, I think obviously what he did was horrific.
01:26:50.000
There was an innocent misunderstanding, Weinstein said.
01:26:55.000
I've been a model inmate, following the rules and regulations, and I'm sincerely sorry.
01:27:06.000
You know you're in for a long time when you leave off the four.
01:27:13.000
Yeah, he goes, he's like, how long you in here for?
01:27:24.000
He's like, oh, you're in here for another motherfucker?
01:27:32.000
We had a waitress at the stand who used to work at Rockwood Music Hall when we did shows there.
01:27:40.000
And all the waitress was like, we don't want to.
01:27:42.000
And they were like, his money's green just like everybody.
01:27:44.000
And they were like, this is kind of, but we don't want to.
01:27:51.000
Yeah, she was like, why are we all just pretending like Harvey Weinstein's not here?
01:28:03.000
No, I would have said something knowing the camera was on me.
01:28:06.000
Well, do you think he thought that he was going to win the court case?
01:28:09.000
Why didn't he need to, like, flee to Antigua or something?
01:28:20.000
Where do you go if you were that guy and you wanted to bail?
01:28:49.000
Do you think that if something happened to you, you would flee to Israel?
01:29:12.000
The people with cellphones in the village will be like, look at this.
01:29:18.000
We're gonna do Well, you lived in China for a hot minute, didn't you?
01:29:22.000
It's like, yeah, you just go live in a place where they don't know anything about America.
01:29:29.000
Tell a story about when you were in China and some guy chased you out of his house with a baseball bat because you were having relations with his daughter.
01:29:56.000
I was hooking up with some chick in some show outside.
01:30:09.000
So was she saying anything in English to you, or was it just implied?
01:30:12.000
Did you get her age and have to be like Google Translate?
01:30:16.000
We did go through Google Translate a little bit.
01:30:20.000
She spoke a little bit, and then we were there hooking up, and just the door was open.
01:30:27.000
Yeah, it was at a bar and she spoke some English.
01:30:37.000
That's how you know when it comes to just a lady, she didn't even know if your jokes were funny.
01:30:42.000
She just saw you with a light on you and a microphone, and she was like, wow, cool, perfect.
01:30:47.000
I think it was the show that was right over the border from Hong Kong, but I don't remember exactly which one it was.
01:30:58.000
You started screaming and holding a fucking baseball bat.
01:31:25.000
That must have been the loudest fucking thing on earth.
01:31:33.000
So I had to navigate this guy being angry and holding a weapon, and I'm trying to close up.
01:31:48.000
And then as I was running out, I could hear him screaming at the daughter.
01:32:03.000
No, because it was back over the border into Hong Kong.
01:32:47.000
There's a sign in there going, this is not regulated.
01:33:21.000
We learned about your fucking income-making possibilities.
01:33:26.000
They let Americans and Westerners come in to teach them how to make money, and then eventually they're like, we're pretty much closing our borders.
01:33:36.000
So they let them in so that they figure out how to make money off stand-up?
01:33:41.000
And then we learned enough, and it's like, hey, this free speech, get out.
01:34:12.000
It was like three, four comics than me, and I'd probably do like 20 or 30. Locals?
01:34:20.000
And they're like, by the way, guys, we have an open mic every week if you want to come back.
01:34:31.000
Any drug that white people do, they're like, we don't care.
01:34:42.000
It's not a yellow drug, so they just don't care.
01:34:49.000
There was a Bayesian comic who got caught with coke, they stamped her passport, never allowed her to return, sent her on her way.
01:35:04.000
Were any of the guys that you were working with funny?
01:35:12.000
And I think comedy stand-up is kind of new there.
01:35:15.000
Yeah, so you could go in there and you were a god.
01:35:18.000
You're murdering because you had set a punch, set a punch.
01:35:25.000
You were like a black dude playing rock and roll.
01:35:30.000
There was some Australian, some European, a couple American, and some Chinese.
01:35:35.000
So is it a lot of people that are there for jobs or something like that?
01:35:38.000
Yeah, five-year, three-year contracts for banks or schools or whatever.
01:35:41.000
I notice a lot of ugly white guys move to China to get laid.
01:35:50.000
There was a guy, a comic there, who pickpocketed somebody.
01:35:57.000
And they were like, they just made a lineup of like the eight black people in Beijing.
01:36:12.000
Can you imagine getting arrested for robbery in China?
01:36:22.000
Yeah, they probably stripped layers out of his asshole.
01:36:35.000
That's what I forgot about that chick with her fucking dad.
01:36:44.000
Callan told me he went to a restaurant and there was a hole in the floor where he'd go to take a shit.
01:36:53.000
There was a restaurant where pigs were under the shit.
01:36:57.000
And then you go, yeah, and then you order a fucking...
01:37:06.000
There's the other thing that Ari told me about that I couldn't believe was true, but was sewer oil.
01:37:14.000
They would boil raw sewage down and find the oil and strip it out and then resell it to these restaurants.
01:37:22.000
They'd say something like two-thirds of the street noodles are made with sewage oil.
01:37:27.000
I remember walking down an alley, and there was a guy doing dental work in a chair.
01:37:33.000
And then next to it was like a guy getting his hair cut on the street.
01:37:48.000
and just drink it in the street, but you can't get on Google.
01:37:53.000
Yeah, you can't watch videos at Tiananmen Square.
01:38:35.000
So, did you eat any of that food that was made with sewage oil?
01:38:40.000
The food wasn't great, because, you know, Chinese food in America is all sweetened up and salted up.
01:38:48.000
They just cleaver the whole thing into bite-sized pieces, but bones are in the middle of it.
01:39:03.000
It's weird watching how they navigate through groups of people, how they just kind of bump into each other.
01:39:12.000
Even the subway, they just push you in, and they're just like, ugh, in the subway.
01:39:17.000
When I was on a plane, we were going from Taiwan to, I forget, I think we were on the way to Thailand.
01:39:22.000
Yeah, and there was a lot of Chinese people on the plane, and my daughter was waiting in line for the bathroom, and this Chinese lady walks past her like she wasn't even a thing, like bumped her like she was a curtain.
01:39:35.000
My wife got all pissed off, and I go, she's not being rude.
01:39:47.000
She looked at me, and it was one of those things like, this is just how they do it.
01:39:54.000
She's bumping into you because she would bump into me that way, too.
01:39:58.000
On the plane from China or in China, there's always somebody with their carry-on with just a box of a turkey, like a dead turkey.
01:40:05.000
It's always leaking and shit into the fucking cardboard box.
01:40:29.000
And I remember a guy's foot came between the seats.
01:40:35.000
The cool thing, I had heavy edibles the whole way.
01:40:37.000
But then when you landed, you have to go to the bathroom and dump whatever.
01:40:43.000
You dump them in the airport, in the airplane before you go in.
01:40:47.000
I took everything I had left, took those, and then got off the plane.
01:40:50.000
But when you land in China, you're like, oh, I'm fucked.
01:40:52.000
It's all, you know, character, Chinese characters.
01:40:56.000
Isn't there an app where you can hold your phone up and it'll translate?
01:41:04.000
I learned the word for beef, and I was like, I think Ryu or something like that.
01:41:09.000
And they just pointed at a sign like, there's 10 different beef.
01:41:46.000
Yeah, it's a show where it's like this lady and...
01:42:11.000
But I'll tell you, you realize how much you rely on that phone, that GPS, that Uber, when you're like, I'm fucked.
01:42:15.000
The GPS, you can get any public transportation.
01:42:18.000
I know, but it's still like, you know, you look up, you're like, I don't know what the hell these numbers mean or what that means, and you've got to really, like, use your brain again.
01:42:39.000
I was watching this documentary where they were talking about what they do to get harvest organs from prisoners.
01:42:52.000
They suspect that they harvest the organs from prisoners and from people who fucked up.
01:43:02.000
It's probably from some child molester or something.
01:43:08.000
China forcefully harvests organs from detainees.
01:43:14.000
China's organ transplant trade is worth one billion a year, and they forcefully harvest the organs from prisoners.
01:43:36.000
And then the kidney, you get two of those, right?
01:43:51.000
Falun Gong, which means the wheel practice in Chinese, a set of meditation exercises and texts that preach the virtues of truth, benevolence, and forbearance.
01:44:06.000
And those people, they were, oh, the Chinese government banned Falun Gong.
01:44:13.000
And so those people, they were harvesting their organs.
01:44:19.000
Yeah, all that, what's that thing where they show the bodies and set out?
01:44:25.000
That was all like, hey, would nobody give permission for you guys to use this for a traveling show?
01:44:29.000
Not just that, like, they even say, like, that those bodies, like, Google, like, where do the bodies come from?
01:44:37.000
They're all of them, like, unclaimed Chinese bodies.
01:45:07.000
And everybody else is like, yeah, you guys are cool.
01:45:11.000
But they all wind up moving here when shit goes sideways.
01:45:26.000
There's the Romo Room, there's the Creek in the Cave, there's Vulcan.
01:45:30.000
No, I've done the Creek in the Cave, and I've done Vulcan, and Stubbs.
01:46:52.000
Ari, it's time for us to start protecting parks.
01:46:57.000
We should have another wasted opportunity every week.
01:47:00.000
How much work did you put in to try to save that park?
01:47:10.000
Went to Carolyn Rivera's house and fucking put some fucking garbage in our stoop.
01:47:25.000
How many congresspeople do you think are legit not on the take?
01:47:30.000
I talked to a UFC fighter once a long time ago.
01:47:33.000
So, grain of salt, I'm not going to say the name, so it's grain of salt.
01:47:35.000
Was it right after a fight when he was just making stuff up?
01:47:45.000
It's just different levels of whatever steroids.
01:47:51.000
For a while, there was a lot of them that are on PDs.
01:47:53.000
It's either some or too much, but they're all on something.
01:47:58.000
There was guys like BJ Penn that were straight, natural.
01:48:07.000
And you've got to keep up with the competition.
01:48:12.000
When everyone is doing steroids, you do steroids.
01:48:27.000
I saw a fist fight and it was like a white American guy and a Hawaiian guy, like a local Hawaiian guy.
01:48:40.000
But that Hawaiian guy was just like a local dude and he would not go down.
01:48:44.000
The guy was just wailing on him and he wouldn't stop and the cops had to come.
01:48:52.000
When you live on an island and you talk shit, you can't go anywhere.
01:48:57.000
Unless you've been on a fucking plane and fly five hours across the ocean.
01:49:03.000
Remember that big rock we would climb and jump off?
01:49:11.000
I eventually jumped, but then these local guys would do like eight triple Lindy's off and I was like, ah, shit.
01:49:18.000
I would just snork and watch up onto the water and come down through the water.
01:49:28.000
But then I'd go out and see a group of four-year-olds.
01:49:35.000
Yeah, and then there'd be an instructor with...
01:49:48.000
And then I'd be like, I'd fall and lay there, and then a group of, like, six eight-year-olds would go by.
01:50:02.000
Barry, you've broken a couple things and you still ski.
01:50:06.000
He shattered my wrist last time I was there with you two times ago.
01:50:10.000
No, I'm not that good at skiing, but I will go for it.
01:50:12.000
He's not that good, but he'll be like, yeah, let's do a Black Diamond in the Rockies.
01:50:24.000
Well, that's how I lived, and I had a good time, Jason.
01:50:29.000
Do a couple little bunny hills, then go get fucked up at the lodge.
01:50:34.000
When I shattered my wrist when I was there with Norman, me and Brian O'Neill were like, let's see who can get the higher speed, and I was just straight lining, out of control.
01:50:42.000
The surgeon told me I had to be going at least 80. Wow!
01:50:49.000
Wait, you couldn't have been going 80 miles an hour, right?
01:50:55.000
Dude, when I hit that snowboarder, I flew so far before I hit the ground.
01:50:59.000
I don't know if I believe 80 is possible on skis.
01:51:07.000
But we were going straight downhill as hard as I could.
01:51:12.000
What's the fastest speed anybody's ever achieved on skis?
01:51:33.000
It's like the long drivers in golf where they're hitting 430 and you're like, what?
01:51:38.000
I'm going to go with 100. Jamie, what's the fastest?
01:51:46.000
It says they get up to 80, but they can go up to 100. Let's see if there's like a...
01:52:13.000
Later at night, I tried to put the key in the door of the place we were staying.
01:52:20.000
You'd be trying to be like, I'm trying to unlock the door.
01:52:24.000
Get in there and complete real surgery, I don't know.
01:52:38.000
It said they got up to 160, 158. That's 160. This is not a race.
01:52:43.000
They're literally just going straight downhill.
01:52:47.000
I have a scooter, and going 30, you feel like you're in light speed.
01:52:57.000
By the way, there's no other skiers on the slope there, so you don't have anyone to avoid.
01:53:08.000
Well, that makes sense if a girl would be lighter, should go faster.
01:53:50.000
It's a dude trying to take over the girl's downslope record.
01:54:00.000
Last time I cracked my fucking bone on my shin.
01:54:05.000
I remember you told me, you were like, I'm done, I'm out.
01:54:07.000
I was going around this corner and this lady was a beginner and she was out of control and she was like kind of sliding and she couldn't stop and she was just going right into the path and I'm going around the corner and I had to wipe out.
01:54:26.000
Slam into this lady or I could just go around and I know I was going to wipe out.
01:54:29.000
I wiped out and I hit the back of my head hard.
01:54:37.000
Yeah, the top of my shin where the cartilage meets the shin bone, cracked.
01:54:41.000
I knew something was wrong because I was walking but I was like, this feels weird.
01:54:48.000
There was one point I was going around that little curvy part on the bunny hills.
01:54:54.000
Some 10-year-old kid did a ramp and landed right in front of me.
01:55:08.000
I'm just too aware of the consequences of getting a broken joint.
01:55:12.000
The kids are better at that because they're not aware of that.
01:55:40.000
Ian looks like he's wearing a fake nose and glasses.
01:56:13.000
I mean, he showed me the lineup, he showed me the thing, I'm like, this is amazing.
01:56:16.000
It's like Burt constantly comes up with new ideas.
01:56:20.000
He's constantly coming up with new ways to make money.
01:56:24.000
He's doing the Greek, he's doing baseball stadiums, he's doing arenas, and he's doing these crazy markets that you forget about.
01:56:30.000
Yeah, none of us play Greenville, South Carolina.
01:56:46.000
So I got up there and said some inappropriate things.
01:56:54.000
It's a family fun party, but it's still like...
01:56:59.000
Why don't you take it easy on the, like, your sister's doing heroin jokes?
01:57:09.000
Because you're like, yeah, we know Nate as someone who does great on our shows, but his crowd is clean.
01:57:16.000
And so it's like, I mean, even when you try to clean it up, you're over the line for that.
01:57:39.000
I thought I was at Starbucks, the motherfuckers gave me milk.
01:57:42.000
I said I ain't had milk in public in my goddamn life!
01:57:51.000
Why did you come up with Oh Lordy for Nate Pagazzi?
01:58:01.000
Actually, it probably wasn't Burt's crowd necessarily, it was just Abilene, Texas.
01:58:05.000
So I was up there like, you know who's pussies?
01:58:19.000
Yeah, and they were like, we like toss a coin or whatever on who goes first.
01:59:42.000
Cold beers, sunsets, music, and a ton of surprises.
01:59:47.000
Trust me when I say you won't want to miss out.
02:00:05.000
I sent you an image, Jamie, that'll show all the tour dates that he's got.
02:00:11.000
Dude, how about the pop when he takes his shirt off?
02:00:15.000
You know how people, comedians will be like, oh, what's he taking his shirt off?
02:01:02.000
They'll probably appreciate the fuck out of the show.
02:01:08.000
You know what's nice about the minor league baseball stadiums?
02:01:13.000
The gear you'll get, you'll get the fucking South Bend Twisters.
02:01:18.000
The Staten Island Bagels was a good one for a while.
02:01:21.000
How many seats do you think he's doing in these places?
02:01:28.000
If you do a good minor league baseball stadium, it's probably like fifteen thousand.
02:01:58.000
As soon as COVID happened, he was like, can't form indoors.
02:02:03.000
He's the one who got the drive-in movie theater.
02:02:06.000
And then his agent gave it to fucking everybody else.
02:02:08.000
Jesse and I was on my podcast and Eliza claimed that she invented it on the podcast.
02:02:14.000
He's like, no, you were given it by Burt's manager.
02:02:19.000
He was like, why are you telling all the other clients to do my shit?
02:02:33.000
Like, with Bert, when he takes his shirt off, as comedians, you're like, oh, please.
02:02:42.000
And then he takes his shirt off after the intro, and it's the first hardest pop I've ever heard.
02:02:49.000
And dude, I'm sitting up there like, what the fuck?
02:03:08.000
It's like you get fucked up, you talk about, and he's, yeah.
02:03:20.000
At the end, he hits the fucking beginning of it where he's like, so I studied Russian in college.
02:03:25.000
And he leads like a subtle, like, yeah, I studied Russian in college.
02:03:32.000
That all came out of him telling that story on the podcast.
02:03:37.000
The assumption of like, oh, they've seen it already.
02:03:40.000
That story on the podcast and I told him, dude, you gotta do that on stage.
02:03:59.000
Dude, you wish you had a story where you could be like- But do you?
02:04:03.000
Yeah, but like an encore type thing where at the end of a show, you're doing a fucking arena and you're like, alright, hey, it's such an easy walk-off, like kill.
02:04:12.000
I shifted on this idea when I was, me and Diaz were doing a gig in St. Louis together a long time ago, and I was out in the crowd while he was on, behind people, like outside.
02:04:21.000
And he started in some story, and I forget what it was, but they were like, oh, he's doing the so-and-so story.
02:04:29.000
Yeah, like when Dice used to do the nursery rhymes.
02:04:32.000
They knew the nursery rhymes, but they still got pumped.
02:04:46.000
So I was like, hey, how much time do you want me to do?
02:04:48.000
And I go, no, no, I just, you know, just let me know how much time and I'll get out of your hair.
02:04:56.000
And at the time I was like, is this guy out of it?
02:05:02.000
Good Charlotte, or one of these fucked up bands, was headlining the fest.
02:05:07.000
And they saw him in the wings, and they go, get out here!
02:05:10.000
And he did the nursery, and the whole arena, 20,000 people did it with him in unison.
02:05:28.000
When you see something you remember when you were a kid, it's over.
02:05:34.000
And it was when he did like the, how did we get here?
02:05:46.000
He was like, it's fucking Wrestlemania weekend.
02:05:56.000
We started watching YouTube videos of Wrestlemania.
02:05:59.000
Instantly I was like, oh shit, I remember that.
02:06:04.000
Battle Royal with Mr. T. Bro, then I watched Wrestlemania this weekend.
02:06:15.000
I was sitting with my girlfriend and the music went off and I was literally like...
02:06:23.000
I felt like I was in fifth grade trying to stay awake to watch Monday Night Raw.
02:06:32.000
She was happy he got in touch with his emotions.
02:07:14.000
The coolest thing, and I was thinking about it, is...
02:07:18.000
You look at the crowd, it is diverse, which is the funniest thing.
02:07:29.000
Yeah, because you have the idea that it's all rednecks, but it's like, no, no, Dan Soder loves wrestling.
02:07:40.000
There's a steady stream of dudes without dads that love it.
02:07:43.000
If you don't have a dad growing up, you're raised by dudes being like, you better fucking study.
02:08:05.000
And they always defend a woman that's always like a through line.
02:08:18.000
I dishonored the reputation of a young porn star.
02:09:06.000
What the fuck is wrong with you, you little dick motherfucker?
02:09:50.000
He goes, hey, you gotta flail your arms if I'm hitting you, because if you don't, it won't look real, and if you don't, I have to hurt you.
02:09:59.000
Dude, because I've been talking about wrestling and all that, my algorithm now is starting to get into wrestling.
02:10:05.000
Look, last thing I need is to get into wrestling.
02:10:09.000
What, are you thinking about getting into wrestling?
02:10:26.000
If you got into astrology, you would break the mold.
02:10:29.000
I can't imagine something that I like that I don't get into.
02:10:36.000
Anyway, there's a video on Twitter where you see the dudes actually like...
02:10:48.000
Yeah, they know who's going to win and what's going to happen, but they improvise on the spot.
02:10:52.000
They'll be grappling, and somebody made a video of them, what they say to each other, and they're like, Throw me in the turnbuckle elbow.
02:11:12.000
Dude, I was backstage with Colt Cabana in Edinburgh.
02:11:14.000
They used to do it every once a week in Edinburgh.
02:11:19.000
Some guy came out and got in the way of a two-on-two, and then I'm backstage and everyone's like, what the fuck are you doing?
02:11:24.000
We had a six-week fucking thing planned, and you fucking ruined it!
02:11:29.000
They have all these long-term storylines they set up.
02:11:34.000
Yeah, he was like, I was just, I thought I could just, he's like, yeah, you thought!
02:11:43.000
The wild thing is to watch them, like, they'll put a guy through a table or off the fucking thing, and the second they land, the guy goes, are you alright?
02:11:49.000
And the guy's either like, yeah, bro, or, like, sometimes they're like, no.
02:11:53.000
Like, I just got fucked up, and they're like, we gotta finish this.
02:11:56.000
There's one video with, like, The Undertaker and some guy, and he was like, are you okay?
02:12:00.000
And the guy's like, no, but you gotta do the Tombstone.
02:12:04.000
So the guy's fucked up, he probably broke his ribs or his knee.
02:12:08.000
And he's like, you gotta do the Tombstone, even though I'm fucked up, so he picks him up.
02:12:12.000
Dude, I had, when we had The Undertaker on, he talked about his eyeballs getting shattered.
02:12:23.000
One of them, a guy does this thing where he falls back and, like, lands with his ass on his face, and it shattered his orbital.
02:12:33.000
And he had to complete the fucking wrestling match.
02:12:37.000
I was in Montreal doing my storytelling show, and either the big show or Mankind, one of those guys who does stand-up sometimes now.
02:12:43.000
And he finished, just a fun story, you know, and then I was like, anyone who thinks wrestling is fake, watch this guy take these two steps down the stage.
02:13:04.000
I was in Toronto and I was doing that weed show.
02:13:08.000
Do you guys ever do the Comedy Underground in Toronto?
02:13:18.000
People would pass out once every three shows from greening out.
02:13:31.000
There's a few rooms, but this was the best one.
02:13:33.000
So anyway, Iron Sheik was in the crowd by some stranger.
02:13:36.000
So he walks up on stage with me and starts talking to me while I'm on.
02:13:50.000
Anytime you're around a wrestler, it actually brings it out.
02:14:07.000
But I want to ask Joe Rogan, what is the toughest sport in the Olympics?
02:14:13.000
Freestyle, Greco-Roman, or UFC? The toughest sport in the Olympics is freestyle wrestling, sir.
02:14:27.000
Because he knows what he's talking and he knows how to watch it!
02:14:54.000
He used to do those shield casts with those giant clubs.
02:15:01.000
The Iranian ones are these big, giant, wooden clubs that are heavy as fuck.
02:15:06.000
And he would do these workouts that are really hard to do.
02:15:18.000
They would try to do his clubs, and this was part of the gag.
02:15:36.000
So this is Precious Paul trying to do the Iron Sheik's clubs.
02:15:52.000
When the Iron Sheik does it, watch how effortlessly he moves these giant ass fucking clubs.
02:15:56.000
The guy was, in his prime, he was a tank of a man.
02:16:00.000
Like a real legit, look, he wipes them all down and shit.
02:16:09.000
That is so hard to do with things as heavy as that.
02:16:17.000
The old lady with the glasses next to the cowboy hat.
02:16:20.000
Look at the old lady with the glasses next to the guy with the cowboy hat.
02:16:36.000
Look at the guy with the fucking right next to his left shoulder that looks like a young Howard Stern.
02:16:44.000
Precious Paul's just trying to figure out how long can he do that.
02:17:51.000
I don't care if he's 50 pounds heavier than Floyd Mayweather.
02:18:21.000
Yeah, because him and D'Elia used to go at it, and he's like, hey, whatever I said before, the guy's a star, forget it.
02:18:29.000
He used to just be like, fuck this idiot, fuck this kid who's like an influencer.
02:18:39.000
I mean, what they've been able to do is incredible.
02:18:55.000
But the fact that he knocked out one of the greatest welterweight champions of all time with one punch is fucking bonkers.
02:19:10.000
When you get knocked out, all of a sudden the sponsors are kind of embarrassing, and you're showing that sponsorship.
02:19:20.000
See, he's got the power out of the two of them.
02:19:24.000
Logan is a really good athlete, but he's not as good of a boxer.
02:19:28.000
But Jake Paul, on top of being a better boxer, he's got legit power.
02:19:42.000
That's like one of the greatest welterweight champions ever.
02:19:46.000
He walked away like, that's what I was going for.
02:19:56.000
And he thought he was going to drop his hand down to stop the body shot.
02:19:59.000
Because I think he probably went to the body just before that.
02:20:03.000
So he even dips like he's gonna hit the body and then he goes over the top.
02:20:14.000
Get the fuck out of there and put your hands up.
02:20:16.000
The thing is like Tyron was not conditioned for this fight because he took it on fairly short notice.
02:20:33.000
And then Tyron took it on just a few weeks notice.
02:20:36.000
And there's no way he was conditioned for that fight.
02:20:38.000
So when you're not fully camp-conditioned, you take breaks.
02:20:42.000
When you're in the fight, there's times where maybe you should move, and you go, I'm just going to take a fucking break here.
02:20:48.000
And you're trying to gather up your energy, and you manage it over the course of the three minutes.
02:20:54.000
If you see a fighter like Manny Pacquiao, when he's in his prime, And he's fucking supremely conditioned.
02:21:05.000
Man, he's just thinking about how to fuck you up.
02:21:07.000
He's just thinking about how to fuck you up because his conditioning is off the charts.
02:21:11.000
He's conserving some energy, but that's not his primary concern.
02:21:16.000
When a guy gets to a point where You know, most likely he's not training every day hard when he doesn't have a fight schedule.
02:21:23.000
Then he gets a fight schedule and it's only two weeks notice.
02:21:25.000
You can kind of get in shape in two weeks, but not like the kind of shape you need to be able to fight in.
02:21:32.000
Because he also must have thought, like, it's not.
02:21:39.000
But there were moments in that first fight where when Tyron would turn it on, he was the better fighter.
02:21:45.000
It would have been a different fight if Tyron had the time to prepare.
02:21:50.000
Because he would have more conditioning, more confidence to hit the gas.
02:21:54.000
If you don't have a full camp, you still are in shape.
02:22:02.000
But he doesn't have the kind of conditioning that you need to go a hard fight.
02:22:17.000
There's no way he was conditioned for that fight.
02:22:18.000
But that's part of their attack, is I think people underestimate.
02:22:24.000
Everybody, the wrestler guy, the real wrestler, whatever his name was, who got knocked out.
02:22:29.000
All these guys are like, whatever, you're nothing.
02:22:57.000
Does Tyron really make more in those two fights than his whole UFC career?
02:23:05.000
See, I like those, Paul, because it's kind of like the YouTube comics.
02:23:09.000
He offered Chris Rock and Will Smith $40 million.
02:23:14.000
Chris Rock's like, I don't care about Will Smith.
02:23:16.000
Well, even if he did, Chris Rock is very small.
02:23:22.000
He never trained to play the greatest boxer of all time.
02:23:32.000
When he was playing Muhammad Ali, it was one of those rare moments.
02:23:35.000
There's like a few guys that have pulled it off.
02:23:43.000
Mark Wahlberg did it great in the fighter when he played Mickey Ward.
02:23:56.000
That's crazy, that picture of him taking the robe off.
02:23:58.000
Literally, he got like the kind of still baby fat, but jacked.
02:24:17.000
To have a boxing match between this man and Chris Rock is crazy.
02:24:30.000
That's got to be him fighting Sonny Liston, right?
02:24:42.000
Kanye in his documentary was like, where are all the Muhammad Ali's?
02:24:50.000
Do you know how fucking hard it is to be a guy like that and also be brilliant?
02:25:05.000
If it wasn't for Kamaru Usman, he'd probably be the welterweight champ of the world.
02:25:12.000
He's, in my mind, he's the GOAT. When you look at welterweight champions, yeah, it's like Georges St-Pierre and there's Kamaru Usman.
02:25:23.000
Man, it's hard to argue that there's someone who you would give an advantage over him.
02:25:27.000
Like, if George and him fought in their prime, God, what a fight that would be.
02:25:51.000
He was in Sirius, and he just came in, and I happened to be on that episode.
02:26:04.000
Instead of talking about me, talk about dinosaurs.
02:26:09.000
If you said that to any other UFC fighter, they'd be like, fuck you, puss.
02:26:21.000
He's like, you would never believe that he's one of the greatest fighters who's ever walked to face the earth.
02:26:24.000
That video of you showing him whatever kick, and then he's like, interesting.
02:26:34.000
That was like my signature move in my Taekwondo days, was the turning sidekick.
02:26:39.000
And then the fact that he was like, nope, I get it.
02:26:47.000
I was talking to John Donaher, and John Donaher pulls me aside.
02:26:50.000
He goes, I want to work with George on his spinning back kick technique.
02:26:55.000
Do you know anybody who could help me with that?
02:27:01.000
I go, but I have one of the best spinning back kicks you've ever seen.
02:27:10.000
And so I think John already knew that, though, before he asked me that question.
02:27:20.000
And we were at this sweaty fucking gym called Legends.
02:27:24.000
While I was showing it to him, the whole floor was...
02:27:45.000
Well, it must be 2011. Four million views here.
02:27:49.000
So George gets his phone out because he wants to film it.
02:28:09.000
So if you show the beginning, it's when he first sees me do it.
02:28:14.000
You know what else is cool about St. Pierre is he's a complete product of bullying.
02:28:21.000
Do you know he met his bully one day out in the street when he was driving his Range Rover?
02:28:28.000
And he talked to the guy and he forgave him and just talked to him.
02:28:32.000
Yeah, I think he even helped him out and gave him some money.
02:28:39.000
Well, it's like anybody who's like that is mean most of the time.
02:28:50.000
Listen, man, if it wasn't for bullies, I never would have done martial arts either.
02:28:54.000
I got into martial arts because I was terrified.
02:29:05.000
You'd get out of fighting getting beat up by telling jokes and shit.
02:29:09.000
Most of the time, but it's always good to be able to touch yourself.
02:29:13.000
The worst is telling a joke and then getting punched in the face.
02:29:19.000
I was a little worried that it was going to be open season on people smacking people after that.
02:29:24.000
There were so many people that were supporting Will Smith.
02:29:38.000
This is one of the things that I've found about this whole Will Smith-Chris Rock thing that's so strange.
02:29:43.000
It seems like no matter what happens, there's going to be a certain group of people that side with the...
02:29:59.000
There's so many people that have an opinion that anytime something happens, you're going to find some hot take that makes you want to vomit.
02:30:05.000
There's a lot of people that were supporting Will Smith.
02:30:15.000
A movie where you got a really hot lady, Demi Moore, who's one of the baddest women that's ever been a star of a movie?
02:30:21.000
She becomes a fucking Navy SEAL? There's nothing negative about that.
02:30:26.000
Right, but it's like, there's nothing negative about G.I. Jane.
02:30:33.000
She tells the guy to suck her dick, remember that?
02:30:47.000
You see a handsome guy with a great body and a long flowing lock of hair.
02:31:04.000
You know how many lesbians rubbed one out to that?
02:31:27.000
Whoever the writer was, he was like, I wrote that joke.
02:31:35.000
Yeah, somebody at the stand told me, like, hey, my buddy said I wrote that joke for him.
02:31:44.000
But it's like, when you watch him laughing at it, and then her giving him the look, and then he goes up on the stage, like, and you know there was a TikTok?
02:31:53.000
Did you know there was a TikTok of the two of them before the Oscars talking about how they were going to cause chaos?
02:32:08.000
I think the reason why he did that when he went up there so quickly and so irrationally, I think this was something they discussed.
02:32:19.000
Because he was, I mean, he was obviously laughing.
02:32:32.000
It was posted in words, I think, on his Instagram account.
02:32:35.000
No, it was a TikTok, and it said that they were going to start chaos.
02:32:46.000
He goes, I would have joked about her boyfriend.
02:32:54.000
Will Smith brags about causing chaos at the Oscars just hours before slapping Chris Rock over his Jada Pinkett joke.
02:33:16.000
But you can't hit people when you're fucked up.
02:33:31.000
If she made him do that, if like she said, if someone talks shit about me, you're going to walk up on that stage, you're going to smack him right in the face.
02:33:48.000
Man, we made it three hours before we got a Trump.
02:33:57.000
Hey, Donald, what do you think of that dumb mustache on Shane?
02:34:09.000
Did you know right away you could do his voice?
02:34:17.000
But there's voices I hear and I go, I can't do that one.
02:34:33.000
No, the only thing I can do is I can probably get you a yell.
02:34:39.000
Yeah, when you start screaming, that might be easy.
02:34:50.000
When he's doing the rally, he's like, that's what I said, I said it.
02:34:55.000
But his speeches, when he's, like, doing, like, he's got the...
02:35:05.000
Oh yeah, he always just breathes through his lower teeth.
02:35:10.000
Do you study the little details of it before trying that?
02:35:12.000
No, I think any time I see somebody talk, I can pick up their mannerisms.
02:35:25.000
And the guy's out there and he goes, you don't look gay.
02:35:33.000
And then just the camera going back to the dudes filming it being like, what'd he say?
02:35:37.000
And the other guy's like, just the other dude being like, dude, he said you don't look gay.
02:35:41.000
DiStefano put a picture up or a video of him watching this on his Instagram.
02:36:13.000
Did you see the video of him going about the environment?
02:36:19.000
When he just curses and- The ocean's gonna rise one millionth of one percent over the next five hundred fucking years.
02:36:27.000
The chick behind him was like, yeah, that's what we like!
02:36:36.000
I'm not going to get fucked up and start being like, the guy's making some good voice.
02:36:45.000
He should be just complaining about everything and have someone who actually knows how to have a show.
02:36:50.000
I mean, fighting on flights is up like 20,000%.
02:36:54.000
There's an article in The Atlantic I saw, like, what's wrong with everybody now?
02:37:00.000
It might be social media, but it's also, it's also, it's also, fucking, the economy is, there's inflation right now.
02:37:18.000
We did a podcast right at the beginning of COVID. We're like, well, this will end all the fucking gender pronouns.
02:37:24.000
And then within two minutes, everyone was like, nah, let's start fighting again.
02:37:28.000
You know how before COVID, everyone was like, this country needs a war.
02:37:37.000
COVID, when that happened, you guys were probably like, oh, this is something real.
02:37:50.000
It destroyed work environments and social environments and hobbies and all these certain things that people want to do.
02:37:56.000
So the amount of people that are unhappy in comparison to the amount of people whose lives were going well in 2019 before it went back, it's probably in the millions.
02:38:09.000
The stack of unhappy people, and the people who this really fucked their life up, it's just changed the tone of the country.
02:38:18.000
Also, everybody was at home, so they were online even more.
02:38:21.000
And that online thing that riles you up, you're more exposed to it.
02:38:25.000
You saw all the alt comics getting angrier and angrier at the regular real comics.
02:38:31.000
But then you saw the real comics being like, yeah, maybe I am a right-wing guy.
02:38:37.000
Because they got upset at the fucking alt-comics always at their necks.
02:38:41.000
And then you see the headlines and you're like...
02:38:44.000
The ones that are at people's neck, though, they're never good.
02:38:51.000
They're almost never like a really solid comic.
02:38:54.000
Because they're online all the time, they're not writing.
02:38:56.000
No one's writing, no one's performing, no one's getting up, no one's tweaking.
02:39:02.000
I don't think of one really good comic that was at everybody's neck during this time.
02:39:10.000
Well, you see, it's a lot of men versus women, but then Michelle Wolfe is funny, she's doing great, she's working, she's happy.
02:39:18.000
She does never attack people, but it's like the ones who do, it's like that's where, it's almost like they're trying to stop People that they don't agree with more than they're trying to build themselves up.
02:39:30.000
We live in a society where if you saw somebody just get off a woman raping her, they'd be like, get that guy.
02:39:37.000
Nah, 70-30, we should punish the rapist more than we should help the victim.
02:39:40.000
We're into punishment more than we're into helping people.
02:39:44.000
We're less into helping people than we are into hurting people.
02:39:48.000
So we want to punish the accused instead of helping the victims.
02:39:50.000
But we also want to grab the accused to make sure he doesn't continue to victimize people.
02:39:54.000
Sure, but even this Chris Rock thing, everybody's like, who was wrong?
02:39:56.000
Or maybe Chris Rock shouldn't have gone too far, but nobody's like, hey, how's Chris doing?
02:40:01.000
He got slapped in the middle of a fucking show.
02:40:05.000
Well, Amy Schumer took a month off because of the trauma.
02:40:35.000
Well, anytime you have to announce that you're taking time off, it's like, how fucked up are you?
02:40:42.000
Do you think there's publicists that handle this?
02:40:49.000
Yeah, but how are you, like, in those discussions?
02:40:50.000
Like, I've had an obviously significantly lower level, obviously.
02:40:54.000
But when they're like, hey, this is what we should do, I'm like, no.
02:41:21.000
This is the only thing that's going to make me not sad.
02:41:28.000
I remember a night of, I was so livid, because finally one of ours.
02:41:30.000
Finally a mainstream, real comic got on that show.
02:41:41.000
And so then I was like, Shane, I was just livid.
02:41:49.000
Yeah, there were people there, they hit me up and they were like, dude, that was a cool thing.
02:41:52.000
Isn't it interesting, when things go sideways, a lot of people want you to disappear for a while.
02:41:58.000
The hate online is so overwhelming that you're like, I guess the world hates me.
02:42:03.000
Oh, as soon as you walk on stage, they're like, let's go.
02:42:12.000
My first set after all that Kobe stuff happened was just a pop and set at the upstairs of the stand.
02:42:26.000
Yeah, but here's the hard part about that is because people will be like, see, cancel culture is not real.
02:42:34.000
It's like, no, dude, these are people that like you that are like, no, we still love you.
02:42:44.000
I hate the cancel culture is not real argument because they go, he's working.
02:42:49.000
It's like, alright, you're using the cancel word too literally.
02:42:52.000
His life is ruined, he's sad, he's scared, he's different now.
02:42:57.000
Yeah, you go on stage, you're looking at people whispering to each other.
02:43:01.000
And in your head, you're like, they're saying, he's explaining to her that I'm a piece of shit.
02:43:07.000
It's mentally very damaging to have hundreds of thousands of people calling you an asshole.
02:43:16.000
It's character assassination more than anything.
02:43:23.000
You're a bad guy, and we all say how bad you are.
02:43:34.000
Dylan put a thing up on his Instagram when the Louis C.K. thing went on, and it was how I became friends with him.
02:43:40.000
He said there are a lot of mediocre talents that are chiming in on Louis C.K. to try to knock him off the high perch because they know that he possesses skill and talent as a comedian so much better than they'll ever be.
02:43:53.000
And so they resent him and there's part of what's going on is like, if you look at the most violent of people that were attacking him, they're all terrible.
02:44:03.000
There was like a bunch of like really mediocre comics that were going after him hard.
02:44:09.000
And then when Tim Dillon said that, I'm like, of course, that's exactly what it is.
02:44:16.000
And it was very hot because like Louie would come in and he would bump everybody, would go on whenever he wanted.
02:44:37.000
But even when he bumped, he wasn't doing an hour.
02:44:44.000
To see Louis C.K. at a fucking show at the Cellar is a great thing.
02:44:47.000
He wasn't the guy that ran the light and did an hour and 45. He's there to work on a joke.
02:44:52.000
But the point is, these guys all had to watch that happen.
02:44:55.000
When a guy shows up and everybody's like, oh, it's Louis C.K. You wish it was you.
02:45:01.000
When a comic is there and they're on their way up and they see a guy who is achieving levels of success that are probably never going to happen in their life.
02:45:15.000
He's got a show on FX. He's doing Netflix specials.
02:45:17.000
This is Louis fucking CK and you wish you were that big and you wish you were that good.
02:45:22.000
And then as soon as something happens with him, Those are the ones.
02:45:29.000
It's the, oh, you can't fight back, so now we're going to pile on.
02:45:34.000
Once the green light's on you, green light is them.
02:45:39.000
But the thing is, you get to see those people, who they really are.
02:45:50.000
You know, they can get by at the perfect night with a good crowd with some jokes that don't make us laugh, but they're existing in this world.
02:45:57.000
They're just selling some shows and they're moving something.
02:46:03.000
You know, there's a period where they've reached peak performance for what their brain, what their spirit has to offer.
02:46:16.000
The same reason why they want to attack someone like Louis, not just say, hey, I think what he did is wrong, but the attack over and over, the constant attacks on Twitter, constant attacks on social medias and blog entries by comics, a lot of them were piss poor.
02:46:42.000
If you weren't being watched, meaning you're not publicly tweeting this, if you're talking privately, your stance would be the most obvious normal take.
02:46:50.000
But since you know you're being watched, you're like, let me say the opposite of what everyone's saying.
02:46:58.000
Chris Rockwell Smith, you'd be like, the easy and most obvious take is don't ever hit a performer.
02:47:20.000
You know, whatever your spot was on the ladder.
02:47:23.000
There was guys trying to move to get ahead and trying to push a lot of these toxic men to the side.
02:47:34.000
There was also, there's a thing about, like, you move up.
02:47:38.000
And this is what Tim Dillon put on his Instagram post.
02:47:41.000
I was like, I think that's exactly what I'm saying.
02:47:43.000
That's one of the things that I didn't like about it.
02:47:44.000
It wasn't that, like, hey, his behavior's gross.
02:47:46.000
He should have never fucking done that, which pretty much everybody says, including him.
02:47:55.000
What it is is people that see him and they've been watching him murder in a way that they can never murder.
02:48:03.000
I don't like him, so put me digitally into the movie he was already in.
02:48:11.000
He was like, stand-up comedy in the 80s was this, and then stand-up comedy now is like, vote for your local council person.
02:48:23.000
There's some people that I follow, even comics that I follow on Twitter, where I just go check their feed just to watch mental illness just spray its diarrhea all over the screen.
02:48:42.000
It's like someone who's a Pirates fan, Pittsburgh Pirates, and he's like, oh, let's fucking go Pirates!
02:48:54.000
You know you guys are going to win 20 games this year?
02:48:56.000
You've come to the World Series since Cal Ripken was alive.
02:49:02.000
They'll be like, look at Biden kicking ass this week.
02:49:05.000
He writes, best period administration period ever.
02:49:11.000
It's like going out 35 to 7, like, look at this awesome touchdown we had.
02:49:20.000
I know, but that was the thing I'm confused about.
02:49:29.000
I saw a Dan Quayle bumper sticker and I moved on with my life.
02:49:36.000
So now that I'm an adult, I'm like, I guess adults, this is what we do.
02:50:16.000
I dropped it drunk a week ago and it's been beeping.
02:50:24.000
Do you like it because it's cool because it's old?
02:50:27.000
It just tells you the time and the date and I'm good.
02:50:35.000
Well, how about you throw out a few Omegas over here, huh?
02:50:58.000
POP. You get a little drunk, you go, Protect Our Parks.
02:51:32.000
Just stare at him laughingly until he walks away.
02:51:43.000
The problem is if Joe slapped us once, I'm like, I quit.
02:51:51.000
What would you have done if Will Smith smacked you?
02:51:55.000
If you, in an alternative universe, if you're doing comedy at the Oscars, and you tell a joke...
02:52:01.000
He would say some shit, because what do you got to lose?
02:52:05.000
It is weird, because I've opened for you a lot.
02:52:07.000
They would literally just be like, where's Roy Wood?
02:52:10.000
When I had hecklers go, I'd be like, this is not my show.
02:52:13.000
To be able to go off on this and just kind of weird the room.
02:52:22.000
Immediately you start making fun of the guy slapping.
02:52:43.000
Hartford Funny Bone, I got a guy, like a fat Comic-Con motherfucker in the front row.
02:52:48.000
Like, Spider-Man shirt, you know, bad hat, floppy hat, weird facial hair, and he was like...
02:52:55.000
Yeah, like he was doing the, uh, like the, you suck, that joke sucked, you should quit, you're bad, like he was saying it to me, he was in the front row, and no one else could hear him.
02:53:06.000
So I was like, alright, this guy's just being a dick, he's trying to poke me, and he was getting to me, and I kept ignoring, because I was doing well with the rest of the room.
02:53:13.000
He was sitting alone, and eventually I just snapped, like 30 minutes of it, I couldn't take it, and I go, fuck you, you piece of shit, you virgin, look at you, you suck, you're fat, you're gross, whatever, and the rest of the room's like, what are you doing?
02:53:29.000
But I just was like, fuck it, I'm going all in on this guy.
02:53:39.000
He just lost it, and he comes on stage, and I kicked him when he was on the second step.
02:53:50.000
He was super out of shape, he was super doughy, he had cargo shorts, he looked like Kevin Smith.
02:53:56.000
And I kicked him, and it pushed him back, and then they grabbed him.
02:54:02.000
Lucky they had better security than the fucking Oscars.
02:54:08.000
It's so funny to go to a show and just sit in the front row and be like, you suck.
02:54:15.000
You're 11 beers in, and you're encouraging violence.
02:54:27.000
Yeah, sit in the front row and be like, oh my god, this guy sucks.
02:54:44.000
She's going off on some open mic or at a show, I think, in Indianapolis.
02:54:54.000
Miss Pat, you know, she's a fucking legit warrior.
02:55:02.000
He takes one step up and she just punches him upstairs.
02:55:07.000
That step was enough to be like, this is you escalating.
02:55:30.000
Ms. Pat is one of the funniest human beings that's ever seen.
02:55:40.000
We did a This Not Happening show at the store, and I was like, wait, what are you talking about?
02:55:46.000
Well, there was a lot of people who were skeptical.
02:55:47.000
She goes, who's going to wear a ski mask and a hat on top of it?
02:55:52.000
Number two, how are you going to get name brand bleach for a hate crime?
02:55:58.000
How about the fact that he showed up at the hotel with the noose still around his neck?
02:56:06.000
Wouldn't the first thing you do once you get free is take that fucking noose off your neck?
02:56:22.000
Jussie Smollett is what happened when you let the actors write the script.
02:56:46.000
He ain't working, so we can't get anything out of him.
02:56:53.000
I think yes, because people still think you did something right.
02:57:03.000
I'm sure there's some dummies out there that are on his side.
02:57:09.000
I mean, if 1% is enough, you've got a million people, that's a lot of fucking people.
02:57:12.000
You've got to do a podcast, but you can't be on a TV show.
02:57:16.000
Could he do the podcast, where he just tells stories?
02:57:32.000
He flew right into my parachute, that motherfucker.
02:57:40.000
Where you get arrested for faking a crime and they put you in jail.
02:57:52.000
He didn't say they worked on my show because I never met them.
02:57:56.000
He said they did drugs and whacked off together.
02:58:03.000
That's a long-term relationship in the gay community.
02:58:10.000
Such a funny thing to throw on, like, dudes you already incriminated and be like, oh, so they're gay, too.
02:58:19.000
You're one of those guys, you're like, bro, you fucked my whole life up.
02:58:30.000
Go by and watch a fucking first season of House of Cards.
02:58:33.000
What about the secret movie where he played a different character?
02:58:55.000
Did you know that Jussie's story has been fully corroborated by two independent witnesses who've never met or had any affiliation with him?
02:59:08.000
Did you know that the Office of Special Prosecutors, Sean Weber, hashtag Sean Weber, committed prosecute, all caps, prosecutorial misconduct by Pressuring multiple witnesses to change their story.
02:59:59.000
Actors and actresses are out of their fucking boards.
03:00:10.000
Remember the prosecutor was like, we're not going to go through with this?
03:00:24.000
He was supposed to do a bunch of time, and he got out within a few days on appeal.
03:00:29.000
So maybe if he loses the appeal, he has to go in for the rest of the 150 days.
03:01:07.000
Can we say how awesome it was that one of the greatest comics of all time Louis C.K. won a Grammy for Best Album of the Year.
03:01:20.000
Everybody realized how amazing it was that a great comic put out a great special and won an award.
03:01:25.000
Finally, someone who deserves it won an award for an amazing thing.
03:01:32.000
What was funny is it's like, oh, the voting's anonymous.
03:01:48.000
The intro when he walks out to fucking Bob Dylan and the sorry's on there and he just...
03:02:14.000
No, he was nominated for the one before that, but he didn't win.
03:02:24.000
Wait, that was recorded before COVID. That's last year, so he still has a chance to win next year.
03:02:40.000
No, they did the awards for 2021. Well, whatever.
03:02:43.000
They just announced it for 2021. They present in 2021, but it's all the shit from the year before.
03:02:47.000
No, but it is 2022. This was a weird year because I don't think they did the Grammys.
03:02:56.000
What's interesting is that one was good, but it's not as good as it's new.
03:03:00.000
Sorry's one of the best specials he's ever done.
03:03:09.000
He said, everybody needs to get canceled, you'll be your real fucking comic after that.
03:03:12.000
He didn't say the last part, but he goes, everybody needs to get canceled.
03:03:30.000
The stuff that got in this award show was stuff that came out.
03:03:52.000
They're like, oh, we're gonna give it to this guy.
03:03:54.000
You think The Departed is the best sports show?
03:04:03.000
The idea that we care who wins the Emmys is so crazy.
03:04:12.000
You need to see this, because it's fucking crazy.
03:04:14.000
Here's why I never liked the Grammys, because they never once nominated, like, Kyle Kinane.
03:04:48.000
Don't you think I got enough bullshit on my mind?
03:05:09.000
Yeah, let's get her a trophy, because that was traumatic as hell.
03:05:22.000
The same one as the people versus OJ. Yeah, that was great, too.
03:05:30.000
They did a fucking documentary, like a show, not a documentary.
03:05:39.000
Got threatened after she said something about Kobe.
03:05:47.000
After Kobe, Michael Rapport went after her heart and she got threatened to the point where she had to delete her Twitter.
03:05:52.000
Because she said, like, hey, it might be true that he's a great man and also he might have committed rape.
03:06:14.000
A different girl from Westworld than Rachel Wood?
03:06:35.000
By the way, John Goodman played her on SNL in the 90s, and it was so insulting, but it was normal.
03:06:41.000
They show it on there, where she's sitting down watching SNL with her, like...
03:06:51.000
It is crazy that they all called Monica Lewinsky a fucking whore.
03:06:56.000
Yeah, I'm a 23-year-old and the president wanted me to suck his dick.
03:07:06.000
I think she was 20. I think Monica Lewinsky was 20. Yeah, hell yeah, dude.
03:07:10.000
Obviously, you're going to get ahead from a fat 20-year-old.
03:07:14.000
Obviously, if you're a 20-year-old, you get a chance.
03:08:00.000
Kyle Dunnigan's Biden is the greatest fucker thing in the world's ever known.
03:08:05.000
That show that he does with Kurt is one of the best fucking sketch things he's ever done.
03:08:13.000
So I was in LA doing shows and Kurt hit me up and was like, you gotta come over and do a sketch.
03:08:20.000
I get over there and they're like, alright, let's go.
03:08:22.000
As soon as I walked in the door, they're like, we're doing a Zoom call.
03:08:29.000
And then you get into Kyle's house and it's like a fucking hellhole.
03:08:36.000
I'm talking like fucking unfinished, like struts in the fucking living room are just hanging out.
03:08:54.000
They made Inside Amy Schumer the greatness that it was the first two years.
03:08:59.000
Yeah, when it was like those two guys writing, it was like, this can't be stopped.
03:09:17.000
She's got skeleton hands and she rubs them together and starts a fire.
03:09:23.000
When you watch it, you're like, oh yeah, this is what comedy used to be.
03:10:43.000
Very funny, and the best little titties in comedy.
03:10:55.000
I think in the $20,000 to $25,000 range a month.
03:11:02.000
It takes away all the financial pressure of gigs, right?
03:11:16.000
You can show your ass and you get 20 grand a month?
03:11:30.000
It's porno chicks going, hey, come straight to me.
03:11:35.000
And then arranging also, like, do you want to meet?
03:11:44.000
Yeah, I guess a lot of them get paid ten grand.
03:12:03.000
I interviewed a trans lady on Skeptic Hang once and she was like, that's a solid, there's a market for it.
03:12:15.000
So if you're trans with a dick, it's more valuable than a full operation?
03:12:20.000
Some girls are like, I just show my feet and I make a ton of money.
03:12:25.000
How much money do you make just showing your feet?
03:12:45.000
How about Ari's butthole around the world, like wherever you're going?
03:12:48.000
I wanted to have a Skankfest, the first year at Skankfest.
03:12:51.000
But it's only a close-up, and I'll spread my cheeks, and you get to stare directly into my fucking hemorrhoid-ed-up asshole.
03:12:59.000
But you gotta sit there with your asshole spread for an hour and a half.
03:13:09.000
If they have to look at it, they should be able to spit on it.
03:13:28.000
If rape was on the table, I'll take a spin in the butt.
03:13:30.000
Because you still have to get the phone call when a bodily fluid enters a cavity or something like that, they explained.
03:13:38.000
They have to call your family and say, like, you have to dip your rape kit on your son.
03:13:45.000
Yeah, do you have to rat them out that they spit on your asshole?
03:13:51.000
Like, big guys would be like, you ain't spitting on my asshole.
03:13:54.000
You get knocked out, and then they hold you down, and they spit in your ass.
03:13:56.000
And then people were like, God, they would take turns coming up and spit in your asshole.
03:14:03.000
It's not the video of that, but I can show you the video of them explaining it.
03:14:06.000
They also have a thing they called a Glock Dookie.
03:14:22.000
4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. You're on beer 12. That's good.
03:14:41.000
The dude sitting at the table next to a werewolf.
03:14:56.000
Nah, the nigga that's fighting to be, get the butt!
03:15:40.000
Just some dude eating fucking Flaming Hot Cheetos.
03:15:43.000
Then knocking you out and spitting in your butt.
03:16:38.000
There's some guy in prison for money laundering, and he's like...
03:16:46.000
Somebody's got a crest tube filled with shit and jizz.
03:16:55.000
They had him there like, sing for my kids, please.
03:17:06.000
They're probably so excited to hang out with R. Kelly.
03:17:29.000
You don't see a president or a CEO eating Flamin' Hots.
03:17:37.000
Didn't Trump replace the healthy snacks the White House had previously with some kind of shit?
03:17:44.000
He would bring in whoever won the national championship in football.
03:17:47.000
He'd bring them in and he'd just get the whole table filled with fucking burgers.
03:17:52.000
Yeah, he'd be like, you guys are going to love McDonald's.
03:18:08.000
Donald Trump had McDonald's delivered to the hospital while he was being treated for COVID-19.
03:18:15.000
I mean, if you're munching McDonald's in your 70s, Dude, if I eat McDonald's now, I'm like, what the fuck was that?
03:18:22.000
Dude, I was at a concert with Soder and his girlfriend, and he was like, right before the encore, they were like, we're finished, we'll be back in like 10 minutes, we gotta do whatever.
03:18:42.000
That definitely takes some of the edge off, but he's eating pure garbage.
03:18:51.000
His brother got fucked up by it, and he stopped.
03:18:54.000
Have you ever seen the Adam Curtis documentary on how Trump made his money?
03:18:58.000
New York was like, white flight, and then Trump was like, oh, everything's devalued?
03:19:14.000
Adam Curtis explained where we're at and why we're at it.
03:19:24.000
His documentaries are so out there and so clear.
03:19:31.000
So Freud's nephew took stuff he was saying about psychology, used it for propaganda for World War II, and then after World War II was over, like, well, we can keep using this propaganda.
03:19:44.000
They called it PR. And so that everything is about public image.
03:19:49.000
So that's when advertisements went from this is a quality product to this will get your family around you.
03:19:57.000
It's called Can't Get You Out Of My Head and it's fucking incredible.
03:20:08.000
You get the social credit score of, like, did you cheat in a video game?
03:20:16.000
Meanwhile, the United States is doing kind of the exact same thing, except they're doing outrage.
03:20:28.000
They're monitoring, but you gotta be a good dude.
03:20:32.000
It's hyper-normalization was the one with Trump.
03:20:47.000
You watch Century of the Self, you watch one episode out of six or eight, you watch one, then you pause for like a week and a half and you think about it.
03:20:54.000
Here's the hardest part about Adam Curtis, is you watch it, and then you understand it, and then you try to tell everybody.
03:21:06.000
You ever talk to somebody who doesn't think Norm Macdonald's funny and you're like, I don't know what to do here.
03:21:11.000
I don't know how to back up to explain it to you.
03:21:16.000
How the fuck could you watch Norm and not laugh?
03:21:22.000
Not only like, funny not my thing, but just like, not funny.
03:21:29.000
You know, I mean, there's things that people love that are, like, there's people that are, like, great fans of those terrible sitcoms.
03:21:37.000
Where they can't wait and they want to go see the taping and some of those really fucking bland bullshit.
03:21:42.000
Dude, that's Big J. Whenever I have a barbecue, he's like, I got frozen beef patties for you.
03:21:56.000
Is frozen beef that much different than fresh beef?
03:22:03.000
I mean, it really depends on how quickly the burger was frozen.
03:22:08.000
Like, if you get a fresh steak and you grind it and then make a patty and freeze it and then thaw it out, it's not going to be any different.
03:22:30.000
Joe, don't you dare make a fool out of me right now.
03:22:40.000
If you wanted to eat a burger right now, would you go for something that's good, or would you go for something like bullshit?
03:22:50.000
Then you gotta battle through all those fuckin' goths.
03:22:59.000
Yeah, the kitchen's filled with fucking freaks.
03:23:02.000
And you go to order and you're like, I don't want these guys around my...
03:23:06.000
And then they give you your food and you're like, damn, that's the best food I've ever had.
03:23:16.000
They come out of the bar just like, who ordered...
03:23:22.000
Fucking Mark's got a gay gluten allergy, so he put the...
03:23:28.000
Mark's gay as hell, so he put the bun in his beer.
03:23:30.000
Just like if there's a sip of beer left, I threw the bun in there to get rid of it.
03:23:35.000
The waiter comes over to grab empties, and he's like, what the fuck is this?
03:23:56.000
I heard nothing but good things about those burgers.
03:24:02.000
Hey, let's have a taste that's next barbecue I have.
03:24:04.000
We'll do one of those Big J frozen patties versus a real ground beef grade A. I swear to God there will be zero difference.
03:24:42.000
That peanut butter, jelly, and potato chips is my favorite one.
03:24:49.000
That's good news, and then DeRosa will make you do coke.
03:24:54.000
You eat some fucking peanut butter and jelly hoagie, and he's like, come on, dude, let's do coke.
03:25:15.000
Is he doing a lot of stand-up now, or is he just busy doing that?
03:25:18.000
He's opening for Sal on his tour a lot, and he's back, fully back.
03:25:22.000
So he just has people work the club or his bar?
03:25:34.000
He had his draw now because him and Sal were doing that Taste Buds podcast.
03:25:36.000
But before that, he goes, what's the benefit of doing stand-up in this world where everyone's attacking everybody when I'm not going to make thousands of dollars on the road?
03:25:47.000
I would always be like, now's when it's actually good.
03:25:52.000
But he goes, your whole career's over for what?
03:25:58.000
So he was worried about saying something that was going to get him in trouble?
03:26:03.000
I think it's a little bit of the worry about saying something, but he's always been friends with all the left people.
03:26:10.000
Like, all the people that lost their fucking minds, he was boys with them.
03:26:25.000
When everybody split and acted like psychos, that fucked him up.
03:26:29.000
And he was like, I don't want to do stand-up for this shit.
03:26:32.000
It's supposed to be for fun and everyone's attacking each other.
03:26:37.000
Yeah, if you're Segura making fucking doctor money every show, then it's like...
03:26:54.000
She's been cheating on you and been fucking around.
03:26:58.000
He defended stand-up like he should, like we all should.
03:27:42.000
I know, but you gotta be humiliated on television.
03:27:53.000
The way he handled it, though, I don't think he lost any stock.
03:27:56.000
I mean, the man is standing there, guy walks up to him, smacks him in the head, and he's still playing it off like it was a joke.
03:28:07.000
And then when he got serious, he was like, keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth.
03:28:13.000
Don't say off, don't say off, because he didn't.
03:28:18.000
And he yells it again, keep my wife's name out your fucking mouth.
03:28:25.000
I'll tell you, as someone who's been slapped, it doesn't hurt, so it's an odd thing where it's like, you struck me, but there's no pain associated with it.
03:28:35.000
It's disrespectful, but it's like, what are you doing?
03:28:36.000
Don't you think everybody here has been slapped?
03:28:56.000
If we're comics, though, it's like we're holding a weapon.
03:29:01.000
I know, I'm sure the worst part was he would have loved to...
03:29:17.000
Remember that part in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood where...
03:29:24.000
Brad Pitt's fighting fucking Bruce Lee, and he's like, if I hit a guy and he dies, my hands are considered...
03:29:41.000
No, a trained stand-up comic, a three-year stand-up comic is like, oh, you don't know what you're dealing with.
03:29:46.000
In that moment when he got smacked, it didn't seem like he knew what to do.
03:29:53.000
There's a clear moment of clarity where he's like...
03:29:59.000
There's one part after he gets slapped where he goes, I could.
03:30:04.000
But he knows he's in the belly of the beast of Hollywood.
03:30:07.000
And the thing is, the things you would say at a club on that stage would get you, you'd be like, you dumb fucking bitch of a what?
03:30:26.000
We all wanted him at least to go, fuck you, or fuck the system, I'm out.
03:30:35.000
Keep her fucking pussy out of other dudes' mouths.
03:30:40.000
Also, Ali, Concussion, there's so many movies you could have referenced.
03:30:46.000
He goes over material really well, so he's not like a riffer.
03:30:52.000
But I'm sure he had some B-Squad jokes back in his pocket.
03:31:13.000
Isn't it also an indication that that's a bad place to do comedy?
03:31:22.000
Like, what if you get a heckler at a fucking Lexus convention?
03:31:34.000
You know, I couldn't say anything because you have to be clean.
03:31:38.000
He was doing a corporate for whatever, some company in Vegas.
03:31:41.000
So I went and it was like, shitty, it's all these fucking workers there with each other.
03:31:54.000
I was going to say, I went to hang out with him.
03:31:56.000
It was Nate and Kathleen Madigan and a magician and Wayne Brady.
03:32:05.000
I haven't heard that guy's name in a long time.
03:32:24.000
Wow, he's been doing that for like 15 years then, right?
03:32:29.000
When it started, I was working in a car garage in Philly.
03:32:35.000
And it was always on the TV. Every morning, that show, dude, I watched that show every day.
03:32:45.000
And I'd be like, I gotta make a change to my life.
03:32:57.000
I think they might have even started doing it in Vegas.
03:33:14.000
Do you need me to come watch your set and give you tips and stuff?
03:33:17.000
And say whether there's weak spots or whether there's not.
03:33:30.000
They were like, he can only do a call this time.
03:33:37.000
Do you have experience with, like, Like, live performance?
03:33:52.000
He pulled out of the show because you asked him if you've ever done live performance?
03:33:55.000
I was like, I liked you on Whose Line Is It Anyway?
03:33:59.000
How could you imagine that he doesn't do live performance?
03:34:15.000
You know the stories when you're on the road of, like, who's the worst at morning radio?
03:34:18.000
You ask the person taking you, and they're like, oh, this guy hates it.
03:34:20.000
And you're like, oh, they hate it because they think they're bigger than this.
03:34:23.000
It was like, he doesn't want to talk to some guy he's never heard of about how to do his fucking...
03:34:26.000
I think you missed out there, because I bet he'd have...
03:34:28.000
Wouldn't it be great to hear some crazy story about him getting cracked, blowing his ass or something?
03:34:32.000
Yeah, your stupid fucking question ruined everything.
03:34:37.000
Have you tried to bring that show back somewhere else?
03:34:40.000
After I do this next special, I feel like I'm going to do it.
03:34:48.000
So I like to do it secret lineup, where it's like, every time I give you a great show, Tell the lineup.
03:34:54.000
So, first out the gate, I was like, alright, here's a great show.
03:35:11.000
I always try to go up top, do something strong.
03:35:12.000
And then I was like, alright, please welcome first comic.
03:35:20.000
And that was the fun part, because I'm not used to a pop.
03:35:42.000
Sal Vulcano had to step in because Norman had to fucking run away to a spot and come back.
03:35:56.000
Well, fun fact, by the way, just to interject here, that got stolen.
03:36:08.000
I picked it up a week later from the police station.
03:36:11.000
And the guy goes, it's like eight cops milling about.
03:36:41.000
Yeah, I got my first shirt from Skankfest 1. You got three layers on there?
03:37:22.000
R.S. Fier's renamed storyteller show is back, and it was a banger.
03:37:30.000
Who knows what I'll call it, but we should do it again.
03:37:45.000
And then they get a guy, not only a guy they know, but an amazing comic that they know.
03:37:51.000
It's so fun to hear that pop from the audience.
03:37:53.000
To give that audience, like, hey, thanks for coming.
03:37:56.000
And I thought the story I told, I was like, I don't know if this is funny.
03:38:06.000
And then we did a Q&A at the end, and Sal went in the crowd with a mic and was asking people questions.
03:38:16.000
Yeah, Tim, after that, called our agent, we had the same agent, and he was like, hey, get me in the Gramercy more.
03:38:27.000
We were talking last night, like, if you had to choose between you could do an arena anytime you want, or you could do a 500-seat room for the rest of time.
03:38:35.000
Nah, 500. 280. Yeah, but I mean, that's as big as you get.
03:38:39.000
You never get any bigger than 500, or you could do arenas, but only arenas.
03:39:08.000
Yeah, I did the Forum, did the fucking hockey arena in Detroit.
03:39:37.000
So instead we did Zany's, which is like an 80-seat room.
03:39:40.000
So we went from that 1,200-seat room to an 80-seat room.
03:39:48.000
Well, it was a change just from the rooms in the store.
03:39:51.000
Just the 400 in the main room, 190 in the OR, and then 90 upstairs.
03:39:58.000
The thing about those 90-seat rooms, it's like a truth serum.
03:40:03.000
You can kind of get away with a lot of nonsense when there's a large crowd.
03:40:06.000
When it's a small crowd, everything that you say that sounds insincere sounds like fucking dirt crumbling out of your mouth.
03:40:21.000
I think I said this on the last ep, but the booze is kicking.
03:40:25.000
I saw Bill Burr do a bit in the belly room, and it was like, eh.
03:40:29.000
And then he went to the OR, and it did okay, and then he did it in the main room, and it killed, but he tweaked it the whole way.
03:40:37.000
So Burr said to me when it was in New York, he goes, if you use that right, you're going to see how crazy good it is for you.
03:40:44.000
You do six shows in a night and you just like tweak, tweak, tweak, tweak until it's like there.
03:41:02.000
Of all the dudes I met, like after you get canceled by, and like people know your name, they've never seen you.
03:41:11.000
Like everybody, Louis, we all hung out and talked.
03:41:15.000
Burr was the one guy he went and saw me, he followed me at the stand.
03:41:19.000
The only thing he said to me, I got done to go, ah, you're funny, you're gonna be fine.
03:41:23.000
It was like, like fully, fully like he watched it to be like, who is this guy?
03:41:29.000
As soon as I walked in that tiny hallway at the stand.
03:41:35.000
He told Jay when Jay couldn't afford to go to the Maui festival because he couldn't afford to miss in-town spots for the 200 bucks he was making.
03:41:53.000
He's as funny as he is, and he's like, I'm barely getting by.
03:41:59.000
He's like, dude, the pendulum will swing to alt.
03:42:01.000
And when it swings back to mainstream, you will be so prepared.
03:42:14.000
It's also your ability to promote funny is so much different than ever before.
03:42:22.000
You remember the old days we used to do morning radio?
03:42:27.000
There was only one way for them to find out you were in town.
03:42:30.000
You had to do Chucky and Bucky's fucking morning shit bucket.
03:42:48.000
You have to ask them, like, does this actually move tickets?
03:43:22.000
The first thing I said on stage, I was like, how many of you guys saw me on fucking WKPM? Yeah.
03:43:35.000
Dude, I had to do local news on a Zoom hungover in a chair.
03:43:44.000
The greatest thing that ever happened to those TV shows was when Tom Segura came up with that DJ dad mouth.
03:43:56.000
So they made him do it anyway because it was contractually obligated to have the comics show up at the TV show.
03:44:02.000
So he would show up with a gold chain on and come out as non-binary.
03:44:30.000
Yeah, those late night things don't work anymore.
03:44:32.000
Tracy Morgan is one of those most iconic clips.
03:44:36.000
It's like, I don't even know when we get pregnant.
03:44:41.000
How many guys, Bert, every time Bert would take off his shirt, those things, I mean, he sells a lot of tickets.
03:44:47.000
The crazy thing about Bert and the shirt thing is nobody can take their shirt off on stage now.
03:44:55.000
If Shane, if you just started, oh, I'm going to start taking my shirt off on stage, I'm more comfortable that way, Burt would get mad at you.
03:45:10.000
Take your shirt off and be like, people would be like, nah.
03:45:25.000
I think if he wasn't fat, he would be in worse health.
03:47:03.000
Dude, I went to an allergist because I knew I was going to get fucked up.
03:47:08.000
The last, like, three years, I get destroyed by allergies.
03:47:12.000
I get in there, they check my blood pressure, they're like, you alright?
03:47:19.000
That's the worst part about going to the doctor.
03:47:22.000
You're like, 240. They're like, alright, let's weigh you.
03:47:37.000
Hey, Bert told me he'd finally give me the fucking Molly cast to release.
03:47:44.000
Yeah, he said he'd give it to me and let me put it up.
03:47:54.000
Yeah, but he still loves to fucking say how fucking victimized he was on every podcast he goes on.
03:48:05.000
Were you gonna dose him without telling him to?
03:48:15.000
Yeah, if you get hit with Molly, it's like, oh shit, you just hit me with the best time of all time.
03:48:22.000
You're getting Molly from Ari, who's getting it from some comic, who's probably getting it from a gangbanger.
03:48:28.000
You can get it from Kate Quigley, I'll take it.
03:48:46.000
I was doing it over COVID. I was doing it once every two weeks.
03:48:58.000
It was the first time I ever did Molly and Jay brought me back on stage.
03:49:04.000
So we ordered Molly, and they kind of peer pressured us into doing it.
03:49:13.000
And Jay was like, Shane, come back out on stage.
03:49:16.000
As soon as he said that, I was in the green room.
03:49:42.000
And they're watching him on stage host his show.
03:49:44.000
And they're just watching him get more and more fucked up.
03:49:51.000
And he gets off stage and they're all ready to laugh.
03:49:53.000
Idiots, you think this is the first time I've been dosed with Molly?
03:49:56.000
You don't think I know what's in my system suddenly?
03:50:14.000
I get it, because we were surrounded by Jay's minions.
03:50:18.000
So it was like, alright, let's get the fuck out.
03:50:20.000
Anytime I took Molly at that show, I would go sit in the manager's office by myself.
03:50:25.000
Anytime I took Molly at that show was a hilarious statement.
03:50:34.000
It was a good show, and the bus ride was great.
03:50:36.000
And we were the only ones doing it, because it was in the middle of COVID. Right.
03:50:42.000
And Grossman was like, stay, stay as long as you want.
03:50:50.000
At Helium during the middle of COVID? No, dude.
03:51:13.000
Yeah, but there was also, there was no precedent.
03:51:20.000
When time goes by and we look back on the time during COVID of stand-up and trying to do stand-up during COVID and what Bert did when he did the drive-in theaters and what we all did with podcasts and It's fucking crazy.
03:51:35.000
The New York City five to ten year comic scene just said, we're not going away, we'll create shows.
03:51:45.000
It's one of the worst things about the way they handled, you know, for comedy, the pandemic.
03:51:54.000
I thought, I don't know, when New York did the whole fucking upstairs show, like rooftop shows, it was like, I'll just do the road.
03:52:11.000
Well, I did Texas in July of 2020 with Brian Moses and Hinchcliffe.
03:52:19.000
And we were flying back, and we were like, you know what?
03:52:24.000
But then I got back to my podcast studio, and I got so Super-duper high.
03:52:28.000
And I thought, oh my god, what if I killed somebody?
03:52:32.000
Nice person who came on my show, and I give it to them, and I'm like, it's too risky.
03:52:37.000
But then they started having, like, real testing.
03:52:44.000
We test every fucking day, and then we did these shows at Stubbs, the outside shows.
03:52:49.000
And the outside shows that I was doing with Dave were fucking amazing, and I was like, wow, this is the way we can do comedy.
03:52:57.000
But then we did one show at the Vulcan on a Thursday night in December, and it was packed.
03:53:09.000
And Ron White went up there and fucking murdered.
03:53:12.000
He hadn't done any comedy in like eight months.
03:53:25.000
And then Tony was like, we're going to do this show Thursday night.
03:53:36.000
And then I'm walking towards the stage I was on after him, he grabs me by his shoulder and goes, we're gonna keep doing this!
03:53:46.000
That was the best part of COVID. It was like, you go into, like, the first time I did a full room was hyenas.
03:53:55.000
And then you go into hyenas and you walk into a room and you're like...
03:54:03.000
Like, I'm not, like, afraid of COVID, but, like, you guys are fucking crazy.
03:54:07.000
When we did Vulcan, Vulcan was the perfect, because it was jammed.
03:54:11.000
There was, like, 290 people in there, low ceiling, a lot of fucking hard surfaces, so the echo, I was like, oh my god, this is way better than outside comedy.
03:54:20.000
Outside comedy is I saw Burr outside in Dripping Springs in the middle of the pandemic and he fucking killed.
03:54:36.000
It was a great It's a great show, don't get me wrong.
03:54:38.000
But that same show, put a roof over it, people would've had fucking strokes.
03:54:43.000
We were all hanging out at Central Park once, you might have been there with Liz and everything, and Louie showed up, and Sarah, Joseph's wife, had to go across Central Park to do an outside show under a tree.
03:55:04.000
I did those parking lot shows where they'd flash the beams and then they'd honk.
03:55:19.000
The best thing was at the stand, the front patio, you guys all did it, right?
03:55:24.000
The show was whatever, but then afterwards was hanging out with the tail and you guys just staying out there for four hours to like, oh, we're friends again.
03:55:34.000
And you would never, dude, I was in states that didn't care.
03:55:44.000
And then I would drive or fly home And then all of a sudden you'd land and be like, oh shit, there's a pandemic.
03:55:53.000
Like you would land and be like, oh, this is scary.
03:55:55.000
But meanwhile, you look at like Florida where you adjust for age, they didn't do any worse than anybody else did that locked down.
03:56:06.000
The best thing anybody could have ever done is like take care of yourself and seek medical help immediately upon catching it.
03:56:12.000
Get a good doctor, get good treatment if you're lucky.
03:56:32.000
At least New York let you do outside shows already.
03:56:35.000
I'm saying in March or April of 2020, it was the worst city for COVID in the world.
03:56:40.000
So it was like, oh, just the numbers were crazy there.
03:56:43.000
China was like, no, we're done with COVID. And so it was like, oh shit, what do we got to do?
03:56:48.000
So I get why it was on our minds, but then we started doing outside shows.
03:56:51.000
Yeah, but also New York, if at the beginning New York was like, fuck it, it's not real.
03:56:57.000
You know how many old fucking Jews would have died?
03:57:03.000
It's funny you said that because the Orthodox Jewish community...
03:57:16.000
The Hasidics were the one group in New York that were like, no.
03:57:23.000
It's so weird because they try to make it a redneck thing, but then there's also these other vibes that don't quite fit in.
03:57:28.000
Hasidics, or the crystal people in Berkeley, who are also anti-vax.
03:57:33.000
You try to make it one thing, or the Joe Rogan fans are all meatheads.
03:57:36.000
There's psychedelic heads, and there's meatheads, and there's all these different styles.
03:57:45.000
Well, that was highlighted in that movie, The Social Dilemma.
03:57:50.000
I mean, what's going on with this division that people are experiencing right now.
03:57:55.000
We were talking about what happened during the pandemic when everybody was at each other's throats.
03:57:58.000
That's part of it is that what you said is perfect, that now they're forced to be online.
03:58:04.000
They're online way more, so it's hitting them even harder.
03:58:06.000
And you got the anxiety of the pandemic, and then you got a lot of people's careers were disappearing.
03:58:11.000
A lot of people's livelihood, all their savings, and then you're worried about dying from a fucking infectious disease that was probably made in a lab.
03:58:26.000
We can say it's made in a lab, we can't say it's made in a lab, now we can say it's made in a lab.
03:58:30.000
What is the benefit or negative of being able to say it's in a lab or not?
03:58:37.000
If you say it was made in a lab, somebody needs to be held accountable.
03:58:41.000
And the dudes that are in power that should be held accountable are like, no, no, no, no, no.
03:59:03.000
There's a lot of shit that points to that lab in Wuhan.
03:59:07.000
There's a lot of lying about what is and what isn't, gain-of-function research, and whether or not they were doing it, whether or not they were funding it.
03:59:17.000
What do liberals have to gain by saying it was not made in love?
03:59:21.000
Their team at the top is Fauci, who's absolutely connected.
03:59:26.000
And he says it's not, so now we all know it's not.
03:59:29.000
But then they call it racist if you call it the Kung Flu or whatever, but then Asian people are getting beat up and nobody talks about that.
03:59:36.000
Well, because it's black people beating up the Asians.
03:59:46.000
Where he's like, I got COVID in my immune system.
04:00:02.000
The amount of violence that has escalated in cities like New York.
04:00:06.000
I mean, the amount of violence that's escalated in New York is off the charts, right?
04:00:09.000
It's, like, way higher than it's ever been in the last, like, ten years or so.
04:00:24.000
I think crime across the country is way up, and New York crime is up at a lower rate than the rest of the country.
04:00:31.000
New York is at the lower rate of rise than the rest of the country?
04:00:42.000
Well, not just gang, it's just break-ins, you know, people robbing people.
04:00:46.000
How about those San Francisco lootings, like the group lootings?
04:00:58.000
This is where I sat there at Broken Shows in Calgary.
04:01:00.000
I was like, hey guys, they won't let you smoke weed, but if you all light up, they can't do shit.
04:01:09.000
The weird thing is that they didn't anticipate that people would just walk into Walgreens and steal $900 worth of shit if you made it.
04:01:21.000
Those kiosks where they have internet access and stuff like that.
04:01:24.000
Tourists can be able to plug in their phone and get internet access.
04:01:27.000
And it's like, oh, it's just a homeless encampment.
04:01:35.000
When the rubber meets the road, fat people are dying.
04:01:39.000
So it's just this weird thing of like, do you care or not?
04:01:45.000
They love saying they're for something, but not actually doing anything.
04:01:48.000
They love just saying, like, look what I support.
04:01:56.000
How much is saying it changing anything other than just saying it?
04:01:58.000
And they're literally doing nothing different than the Republicans.
04:02:05.000
Well, they are doing things different in terms of oil.
04:02:14.000
Well, people have an association with nuclear disasters.
04:02:17.000
They have an association with Three Mile Island, Fukushima, Chernobyl.
04:02:42.000
That's TMI. They know how to make way better nuclear reactors now than they ever did before.
04:02:48.000
They can make them with multiple fail-safes so that if anything goes down, everything's protected and they can get them back online.
04:02:54.000
The one they did in Fukushima was like from the 1970s or something.
04:03:07.000
The Russians are in Chernobyl right now, shooting bulletproof wolves.
04:03:29.000
What propaganda do you think we're getting hit with?
04:03:30.000
We're getting hit with, like, we need to make it a no-fly zone.
04:03:50.000
Did you see that thing that some Republican, I think Republican senator, was interviewing some, like, a war...
04:04:03.000
It's beaming out for fucking the next hundred thousand years.
04:04:33.000
Yeah, and then they admitted there's like 24 labs.
04:04:35.000
Yeah, and then he goes, well, can you say if it is used, it would definitely be the Russians?
04:04:41.000
You know what's crazy is they call them biological research labs.
04:04:44.000
Now, okay, what is the difference between a biological weapons lab and a biological research lab?
04:04:55.000
That's the PR. If you didn't tell me that they existed, and now you're telling me they do exist, and you're calling them a biological research lab, that was always like the crazy right-wing conspiracy theory, was that the Ukrainians have their fucking bioweapons labs, and people are like, shut up, no they don't.
04:05:12.000
I distrust the media so much that I'm like, wait, why is Putin going in there?
04:05:22.000
He's clearly also poisoning his political ally.
04:05:26.000
But it's like 9-11 was because they hate our freedom.
04:05:31.000
Remember when you guys were dancing in New Jersey?
04:05:47.000
Jumping up and down on the bleachers and the Jews in the middle.
04:05:52.000
You get some hip-hop and you have the Jews dancing to the hip-hop?
04:06:21.000
Dude, if I had a girl that was like, this is part of the program, instead of like, I need to be good at sex, it'd be nice.
04:06:52.000
I had a friend, and his girlfriend was Israeli, and she swore that it was a real thing.
04:06:57.000
Well, sometimes it's what you hear, so you swear because I heard this.
04:07:01.000
It's a barely done thing, but it's somewhat done.
04:07:08.000
It's like a poncho that we were under our shirts, and it's got a hole in it for the neck.
04:07:13.000
What I believe is, people were hanging it up to dry after the wash, and racists would come by and be like, what the fuck is that thing?
04:07:24.000
Yeah, but also, it is a solid, I think some people do it, to stop yourself from getting distracted by thinking about your wife's naked body.
04:07:33.000
You cover her so you don't have to look at her.
04:07:56.000
Oh, dude, I was plowing a J back in 2011. Yeah, get to that on Shabbos.
04:08:17.000
It's definitely a lady peeing, but it's still fun.
04:08:21.000
The Amish didn't do shit during COVID either, right?
04:08:25.000
Did they have an outbreak, a big outbreak in the Amish community?
04:08:28.000
Because they were another group that completely treated COVID as if it was not a thing.
04:08:33.000
They weren't doing anything differently than they did before.
04:08:36.000
They were very insular, so someone had to get it.
04:08:38.000
Death in religion, excess deaths sweep through Amish and Mennonite communities during COVID-19 pandemic.
04:08:49.000
I want to know what the actual meat of the story is.
04:08:51.000
Where I'm from is one of those dudes riding around.
04:08:54.000
Me and my friends used to drive by and be like, get a car, you dumb motherfuckers.
04:09:03.000
So we would always be there, and then every once in a while a fucking tractor trailer would hit a fucking horse with a family, like fucking ten of those motherfuckers.
04:09:17.000
I've done shows in Lancaster, and I've seen these Amish kids at like a Wawa, and you're like, what the fuck are you doing?
04:09:34.000
We had a bunch of Mennonites at my high school.
04:09:41.000
Ari, do you remember we were on the road, and we were at a truck stop, and there was a girl that was wearing some crazy outfit, and you walked up to her, and you go, what is this?
04:10:10.000
We take the drive from L.A. and we stop to get gas and food.
04:10:16.000
Took you a drive from Boston, stopped to get gas and food, and in the middle of nowhere, there's this poor girl in some weird religious outfit.
04:10:31.000
The best part of that gig, we were leaving, chickpea is this fucking...
04:10:37.000
Some guy came on stage with me, took a selfie with an old camera.
04:10:41.000
And I was like, is anybody going to stop this guy?
04:10:47.000
Some fucking 42-year-old chick is like, you guys want to see my tits, don't you?
04:10:57.000
By here, by her belly button, you could already see tit.
04:11:09.000
Arie had a full-on six-pack when we did the Sober October fitness challenge.
04:11:16.000
188. I got it to 178. That was what you were when you did Sober October?
04:11:28.000
Yeah, in case you stop truckin' and you wanna keep goin'.
04:11:51.000
It can be done if you dedicate yourself for many decades.
04:12:04.000
Because I can't just let you win, so I had to do it.
04:12:08.000
The best was Tom just rented a Lamborghini, and he goes, this is my new car.
04:12:20.000
He goes, I gotta do 75 more Instagrams this week.
04:12:24.000
Like, we were at Vulcan last night and Tony was like, you see this?
04:12:56.000
If you're going to kill somebody, that's a car you should drive to the house in.
04:13:09.000
Oh, you can have a couple BLs and drive a fucking cruise.
04:13:15.000
I gotta go home and eat, and we gotta show in two hours.
04:13:42.000
Storytelling show with this guy, Shane Gillis, Big J. Nate Bargazzi.
04:13:54.000
In Minneapolis and Chicago in June, but I'm taping my next special, Ari Shaffir Jew, in New York City on June 11th and 12th.
04:14:27.000
7th, 8th and 9th will be at the Palm Beach Improv.
04:14:50.000
You're performing twice at Ryman in three days?
04:15:06.000
He built a replica of the White House, but it's way bigger than the White House.
04:15:21.000
He has a fucking gold elevator, and the contractor was like, do you want to hide the elevator walls?
04:15:26.000
I want people to go to Kid Rock's house and say, Kid Rock's got a fucking gold elevator!
04:15:31.000
So in the middle, when you walk into this house, you see a gold elevator.
04:15:47.000
Like anything Kid Rock says, Tucker's like, And then there's one part where Kid Rock's like, yeah, Republicans used to be fucking lame, dude.
04:15:56.000
They used to wear, like, sweaters and button-downs.
04:15:59.000
Like, he described exactly what Tucker was doing.
04:16:02.000
Tucker's like, well, I'm comfortable with the button-downs.
04:16:15.000
We're doing the Kid Rock show at the Ryman, and then I think there's a comedy jam after.
04:16:50.000
Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas on 420. Yes, yes.
04:17:21.000
I got MGM Grand Garden Arena July 1st in Vegas with Bryan Simpson, Tony Hinchcliffe, and Hans Kim.
04:17:43.000
Use the code ROGAN. Buy them before the scalpers do it.