Comedian Joe Rogan joins Dan and Soder on the pod to talk about his new stand-up comedy show, The Joe Rogans Experience, and what it's like to be a comedian in the big bad city of New York. Joe also talks about how he got his start in comedy, and why he thinks everyone who tells jokes for a living is either a psychos or a con artist. And, of course, we talk about the dangers of being chipped by other people, and how to deal with it. It's a good one, and we hope you enjoy it! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Thank you for listening to this episode of the pod. Please rate, review, and subscribe to our other shows on Apple Podcasts and Podchaser, and don't forget to subscribe on your favorite streaming platform so you don't miss out on the next new episode! If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and tell a friend about what they're listening to you're listening and what they should be listening to! XOXO, Dan, Soder, Joe, and Jamie. Cheers, Cheers! -Jon and Dan. -The Joe's Experience Timestamps: 3:00:00 6:00 - 7:30 - 8:15 - 9: 11:00 | 12:30 | 15:30 16: 17:00 // 18: 19:40 | 21:15 22: 23:15 | 24:00 / 25:30 // 26: 27:40 26:40 // 27:00/28: 28:00 & 29:00 +30: 32:00 ? 35:00s 33:00 #1 36:00 Or 37:00 Is it a good idea? 39:00? 40:00 @ 3: Is it better than 4:30? 41: 39 :00 45:00 = 4:40 ? 42: 45 44: 47:00 , 45 + 6 46:00 : 47 : 45 : 48 : 46 : 47
00:01:51.000But I watched it and I watched the angles and he got off stage and I was like, I was mad at you by like the third tag.
00:01:58.000By the third tag, I was like, who the fuck is this guy riding a damn near perfect, where like the thought, it's not where you thought it was gonna go, but it makes the most sense.
00:05:46.000A lot of money, and then dress a person up as an alien, and somehow leak a photo of us shaking hands, and then just drop it on Google, and then watch everyone be like, what the fuck is this?
00:05:57.000Yeah, you'd want to drop it through some German website.
00:07:02.000It's like smashing, it's headbutting a beehive.
00:07:04.000It's like trying to put your dick in a sleeping bear's mouth.
00:07:08.000He just walked up and was like, I'm going to lower my wiener right into the bear's mouth.
00:07:12.000Mike Tyson, also there's a video that came out of the angle of him talking to someone, and he's like talking shit in a way where you're like, this guy's hammered and doesn't know what's coming.
00:07:23.000Because I bet in his head he's like, he won't punch me, he can't punch me.
00:07:27.000I bet he's a guy that thinks Mike Tyson's hands are registered lethal weapons.
00:10:23.000I mean, Dana is super competitive, obviously, but they were never worried about it.
00:10:27.000They were trying to get Fedor for a long time, so it was kind of a bummer.
00:10:30.000He was one of those guys, you want to talk about, like, villainous, that they built up online and they were like, yeah, this guy's fucking just rushing.
00:12:48.000That's exceptional in terms of like strength or speed or it's it's all like really good Yeah, but so there's certain guys like Alistair Overeem in his prime.
00:13:00.000Oh my god He was the superhero that guy was built like you could put him in just tight like with a star on his chest and be like It's Justice man, and it would look real When he was the K-1 Grand Prix champion, he was like...
00:13:12.000It didn't make sense that anyone built like that was actually a fighter.
00:14:47.000And people used to always, online, they would make fun of his sweater of victory, because he had all these really Charlie Brown-looking sweaters.
00:15:19.000He was awesome, but the thing about it is, by the time he was coming to Strikeforce, when Fabrizio Verdun beat him, Like, he had already had so many years on the clock.
00:15:31.000When I think about Fedor, when I think about fighters, I think about fighters during their peak period of performance.
00:15:36.000And during Fedor's peak period of performance was the Noguera fights, it was...
00:15:42.000And the Noguera brothers were like, they like flew them to Russia being like, this is the fight of the century, right?
00:16:38.000Imagine being so dumb that you're gonna change the way you think on purpose.
00:16:42.000You go, I went out to the woods and forgot a couple cousins because I was just smashing my fucking head into a tree.
00:16:47.000This is one video of a dude tries and it doesn't work and then he tries again and he's basically KO'd and he's wobbling around because he just head-butted some fucking marble.
00:16:57.000Is he doing that like, wait, he was doing marble?
00:16:59.000I was on some thick-ass stone, whatever the fuck it was.
00:17:04.000Again, growing up on action movies in the 80s and the 90s, any time they showed the brick-breaking scenes, I'd always be like, eh, that's not for me.
00:17:11.000I get all the training, but that just seems...
00:17:30.000So you wouldn't just be at home with your friend and you're like, dude, pick that board up and then just fucking jump off the couch and karate kick it?
00:17:35.000No, we never practiced breaking boards.
00:22:46.000They'd just walk through branches, just taking shots from trees.
00:22:49.000And enough, like, fights and stuff that would happen on a normal basis where your head would swell up like Ioana's.
00:22:56.000But you also have to realize that we weren't as smart back then.
00:22:59.000So, like, let's say you're a guy and you take a fall and you get a Ioana lump like that and you go back to your tribe and they're like, you have the devil in your head.
00:23:29.000One thing I absolutely believe happened is people who had mushrooms, who figured out mushrooms before everybody else, they're the ones who started the cults.
00:24:52.000When I was 16, my buddy Brian, he's easily the smartest kid I know, grew up with, and loved the most drugs, and got mushrooms, and we took mushrooms, and then we were in the Good Times Burger parking lot.
00:25:50.000But yeah, and then as it came down, it was crazy.
00:25:52.000It was like the best experience to do a drug for the first time.
00:25:55.000Now imagine if you knew about that, but all the rest of your village didn't, and you knew where the mushrooms were, and you had taken them a couple of times, and you said, you know what?
00:27:37.000Fuck all right, it just it was a small comfort you need those sets.
00:27:40.000Yeah, they're they're important Those those sets that suck the humbling ones you things the great humblers when you just come through and just get ear holes It's I have some from the 90s.
00:27:51.000I still think about I have an open mic I swear to God, Joe, I have an open mic in Tucson, Arizona at Laughs Comedy Club.
00:27:59.000I was telling my friend Jesse Campbell about this the other month when I was in Minnesota.
00:31:02.000Right, you just took those check spots.
00:31:03.000And this great comic, Mike Britt, who I love to death, I'll never forget, was like, Anytime I'm hosting at Stand Up New York, you can do the check spots.
00:32:16.000And then watching a guy, one time there was this, dude, I'll never forget, there was this guy, the way Stand Up New York was, it was like long tables, but they turned to watch you.
00:32:25.000This dude's just looking forward, and I'm bombing, and I'm just like...
00:32:30.000This fucking guy can't even look at me.
00:34:10.000You know, I started in Tucson and there was casinos around.
00:34:13.000And the Desert Diamond Casino would do this show on Monday nights where they'd pay $100 to open for whoever the headliner was the weekend before would stay around and it was like a good money gig for them.
00:34:25.000And the club asked me, they were like, do you want to open Monday at the Desert Diamond Casino for Ben Creed?
00:35:18.000But I did my time because that was like, you know, I was like, I got to do the 30 and they're not going to give me my 100. I was up on this large stage and then I announced Ben Creed and he just walks to the foot of the stage and he's like, give me the microphone.
00:35:31.000He's like I'm not getting up on that stage and just starts murdering standing in front of him and I was like dude that walk off the tall stage I was like damn dude I bombed and I look like an idiot and then I just went and got drunk on the hundred dollars they gave me I was like this fucking sucks I did this bar gig in Boston and the first time we did it they left the television on and the hockey game was on So no one's paying attention to the comedy show.
00:35:56.000So we came back and the booker was like, how was the gig?
00:36:00.000And I said, well, it's good except they keep a hockey game on while you're doing stand-up and no one's paying attention.
00:40:03.000And then Nate's like, my wife, you know, I come home late doing comedy, and then you hear like, it's just like tearing through.
00:40:10.000And I'm sitting there drinking a beer being like, dude, this is, I gotta watch this, because this is a memorable, Nate's getting fucked right now by the Steelers.
00:40:19.000And now you watch them, you know, do theaters and shit.
00:40:22.000But it's interesting, all those people had paid for tickets, but the game was so important to them, they wanted to watch it right there and then.
00:40:28.000We'd rather waste money and stand shoulder to shoulder in a tight bar watching a fucking tiny TV. Yeah.
00:40:35.000That's why I always think like, you know, comedy, it's always, you gotta be humble.
00:40:41.000You just gotta be like, dude, this, we ain't shit.
00:40:43.000This is like, if a fucking NFL game can make people waste money, to be like, I don't give a shit about this clown.
00:40:49.000Not just that though, but like live sporting events are really becoming like the best option for TV. Because it's the only thing that you have to watch when it's happening.
00:44:32.000Well, it gives you like, you know, I think that's why people talk shit online so well, because it's like you got a mask, you got an armor on, you got a distance.
00:45:12.000I used to practice when I was in high school, and I was on JV, and you'd have to go against varsity, and a guy would just grab you and just be like, you're gonna go in the dirt now, and just put you in the dirt and just hold you there, and you're like...
00:48:49.000If I'm just taking a day off, say if we don't have any podcasts and I didn't do anything that day, I didn't work out, I didn't write, I didn't do shit, I just laid around the house, that's not fun.
00:49:04.000To compare my laziness with yours, I'm like, I don't know, Joe.
00:49:08.000I would go as far as to say it is very enjoyable to just lay around.
00:49:11.000But that's kind of what I did during the pandemic and then trying to get back.
00:49:16.000Getting back on the road full time was like a thing where I was like, oh shit, that was in a way like I was in shape and now I'm out of shape.
00:49:25.000I would come home on Sunday and be fucking exhausted.
00:49:30.000Exhausted just being like I did five shows that and now it's back to being nothing, but then it was like Mentally, I didn't realize going to the airport travel.
00:49:38.000Yeah going to the hotel preparing the sets writing jokes during the day if I so relaxed it was I missed it I missed like It's great to be back on the road now, and it's great to go back out and just do stand-up and have every show be fun.
00:50:00.000It became funny at one point, because my end of 2019, probably the best run I've ever had in my life, to the point where I was like, So you were right there, and then they took it away.
00:50:53.000But that was, I think that's the lesson I learned from COVID was it slowed me down and I got to retool and be, I don't know, kind of recalibrate in a way now that I'm having a lot more fun.
00:53:34.000But you're like, yeah, but it's a process.
00:53:36.000Because I'm fucking good at this chess thing, and I think I'm going to be good at stand-up too.
00:53:40.000It's complicated and it's difficult, but I'm going to figure it out.
00:53:43.000But if you've never done anything before...
00:53:45.000That's the the early days of stand-up are the most dangerous times for a depressed person's life Because you're the reason why you're getting into stand-up in the first place validation Yeah, most likely mommy and daddy weren't fucking hanging around so often if you're good if you're good And so these kids are already or these people are already kind of fucked and then the thing they're trying to do is just Crushing their self-esteem like like you've never felt before I always say that bombing is like sucking a thousand dicks in front of your mother But the problem is,
00:54:14.000there's a guy out there that would like sucking a thousand dicks in front of his mom.
00:54:49.000Tim Dillon's from Long Island or whatever.
00:54:51.000He could've started in that Long Island scene, and stayed out there, and Ben Tim Dillon, but he showed up and was like, I gotta get out of there.
00:55:00.000And you just saw him, and you would see people that you're like, this guy's really funny, he'll be alright, and you kinda gotta grab each other in that moment and be like, we're gonna get through this storm!
00:56:12.000I love talking to guys that have been around, because...
00:56:18.000History repeats itself and you've been in comedy where you've watched the crash the 90s guys People don't realize about this about the mid 90s early to early 2000 comics You guys were doing it for nobody.
00:56:32.000They did in certain places But you look at the store you look at the cellar Louie put up this old video of him at the cellar from like 2001 There's no one there There's like 15 people and they're just running a show all night being like, whoever comes in, they stay until they want to leave.
00:58:12.000But I'm also trying to pull out of that, because I think that was most of my life being like, other shoes coming.
00:58:19.000When, constantly, in everything, every relationship, everything, it was like, because probably of how I grew up and shit that happened to me when I was a teenager, I was probably like, yeah, it's doom and gloom.
00:58:29.000If something, exact example, when I talked to you about 2019, I felt, when COVID happened, there was a part of me that was like, I was due.
00:58:40.000I was like, that was too much good shit.
00:58:42.000So I think that's also why I also think every comedian, if you're a professional comedian, you should be in therapy or have a form of therapy because that's like a sports trainer.
00:58:54.000Helping you so you don't slow your knees out.
00:58:56.000Yeah, you just will you also like to process shit, right?
00:58:59.000I've been able to look at like you saying I'm a doom and gloom guy.
00:59:32.000But if culture remains consistent, and it stays the way it is right now, with the access to the internet that people have today, comedy's not going anywhere.
01:00:44.000When COVID hit and they closed down everything and clubs shut down and they locked down.
01:00:51.000It was two weeks to flatten the curve those days.
01:00:53.000There was a moment when two weeks became a month and all the fear-mongering was being ramped up on television that I was like, okay, I have to accept this new world.
01:01:05.000Okay, I had a great time, and I just let it go.
01:01:07.000And then I thought, okay, now I just, I have to want, if this gets worse, I have to think about where I'm living, and I have to think about survival.
01:01:18.000Like, you have to really think about actual, real survival.
01:01:39.000And then I was like, this seems weird.
01:01:42.000I think I honestly went through a very similar thing because, but what it did for me when I got to come back to do a weekend, I remember doing a weekend at St. Louis, in St. Louis Helium, and it was like the first time I'd done it in fucking nine weeks.
01:01:57.000And I was like, it was like kissing a child.
01:01:59.000You're like, my baby, I fucking miss you.
01:04:48.000Immediately in my head, I'm like, oh, fuck!
01:04:50.000And then as the show goes on, he loosens up and loosens up, and somehow Jim and I bring something up about comedy, and I'm like, it always sucks when you're having a great set and you see a couple people that aren't enjoying it at all, which is normal, but it always kind of fucks with me,
01:06:50.000There's a giant difference between that and comedy.
01:06:53.000And the difference is that comedy is like a state of mind that you achieve in sync with the audience, where it's almost like mass hypnosis.
01:07:01.000And the audience is like, when someone's a great comic, like if Chris Rock's on stage, I give in to their thinking.
01:07:07.000I just go like, tell me what's going down.
01:07:11.000I'm not saying, what would I have done?
01:07:25.000It's different than people think it is.
01:07:27.000It's fun to watch like a Louis or Bill Burr and you sit in the back and you watch and they just like how fast but calm and slow they're able to be like, boom, got you, here we go.
01:09:28.000I don't know if he did it all the time, but he definitely did it the time I saw him.
01:09:31.000Yeah, so he goes out there I don't remember if there was another comedian if somebody warmed it up and then brought up Colin I don't remember but I remember Colin Casually walk around the set fucking murdering I mean Murdering yeah to the point where I was like oh my god.
01:09:46.000This is so tight this stuff so good Yeah, it's like goddamn like this sucks like that what we're doing is funny But it's not as funny as this yeah like we're like the audience is seeing a thing That's better than this guy is known for being famous for yeah I mean, everybody knew he was a funny comic,
01:10:02.000but I'm telling you, the act was so good.
01:10:04.000I'm like, this guy should be filling stadiums.
01:10:07.000That's a great way of putting it, because you see these jokes.
01:10:10.000He has throwaway lines, and same with the tell.
01:10:13.000These throwaway jokes that you're like, Dude, you know how many comics would fucking kill for that?
01:10:17.000Back in 2008, when it was McCain and Obama, I saw Colin at the cellar just have this throwaway line where he's like, eh, John McCain really smiles like a father that's about to become violent.
01:11:08.000When I see, like, Colin will do it at the Fat Black Pussycat, he'll run it on Monday nights, like, he'll build his new hour, and I, like, wait.
01:11:15.000And I kind of am like, how far, like, I'll see him, and I'll be like, how far along?
01:12:23.000They were like the previous generation, and they were as good as anybody in the country, man.
01:12:28.000When I moved to New York and became friends with Joe List, he's like the prince of Boston, so he was giving me so much fucking propaganda films.
01:12:40.000He always would get drunk, he'd say that, but he would show that documentary, and I saw that documentary, and I was like, man, that's such a...
01:15:03.000Bro, Shane, that fucking Trump thing, when he closes with this Trump impression, and he can do it, he does it to a T. I'm telling you right now, I don't want to give it away, but his Navy Seals bit and his George Washington bit are things that you watch as a comic and you walk away and you're like,
01:15:42.000And that's what's fun is to come up with those guys and then become contemporaries with them where you're like, damn, dude, I love seeing his new shit.
01:15:49.000Or just, you know, people do jokes where you're like...
01:15:53.000Yeah, well that's what's inspirational about those places like if you're in New York I guess it's like the cellar and the stand is the store in LA and when you when you can be around and in Boston it was Nick's Comedy Stop and Stitches those were the two clubs that I got to see all these Boston legends.
01:16:43.000Oh yeah, so the big stairs, you go upstairs to the big stairs and then out was like, in the sunken middle was where the audience would sit and you would be all the way against the back wall with the bar behind you.
01:17:46.000It was like a gay nightclub, and I think they went under, or maybe they became a gay club again, but it was like a guy's hookup joint.
01:17:53.000Yeah, so they really want you out of there.
01:17:55.000They're like, get the fuck out of here, come on.
01:17:56.000I don't remember when Nix had it, if there was like, maybe someone lost a lease or something, and they had it for a little while, but during the comedy, the point is that during the comedy boom, It was so great that they were running simultaneous shows with all these killers, and they were just sold out all the time.
01:18:12.000So they were running these shows where you'd have like Steve Sweeney, Don Gavin, Kevin Knox, boom, boom, boom, Mike Donovan.
01:18:35.000There's that scene when stand-up stood out when Lenny Clark talks about, like, I opened Stitches, I went down to Nick's, closed that, opened that show.
01:18:42.000And he's talking about all the money and the blow and everything.
01:18:44.000And you're like, look at that fucking go.
01:18:51.000They're working like four rooms where you go do the Fat Black and then you can go do the Village Underground, walk around the corner, do the original room.
01:18:58.000And it's like the store had that with the belly room.
01:19:00.000It's like when you're in a comedy club and there's three rooms working, you're like, this is fucking cool.
01:19:04.000This is cool, especially if you're a regular at the club.
01:19:52.000No, I think you got a Malcolm Gladwell.
01:19:54.000Yeah, his Outliers is fucking incredible and they talk about the Beatles and the Beatles when they were in Germany when they were playing eight hours a day and They were just playing constantly.
01:20:54.000His dad would hit him with an air horn.
01:20:58.000So now when it happens, it's just all natural.
01:21:00.000It's a great book because the guy really says if you spend 45 minutes a day Working on applied practice and making your shortcomings your strengths, that's how you build everything up.
01:21:23.000I mean that's almost exactly what we're talking about with the road where it's like I got into doing that and like working that and then when it went away and I came back I was like fuck dude I gotta get back up to doing it.
01:23:05.000Yeah, that's some crazy shit when someone can make it dares almost instantaneously and kind of put that like You know dude, is that still up?
01:23:15.000You need to see this I put a little video of it on the Instagram You need to see it because it's like so indicative of what we're talking about It's like when he starts playing it you fucking know that's him If you if you if someone played that for you and said who is this?
01:23:29.000Yeah, you got Gary Clark jr. Yeah, like and it but it's a guitar With someone like him, who's just from a very young age, incredible at a thing, incredible at an instrument, what do you think the coolest phase of that is as you're getting better?
01:23:43.000What do you think the coolest, if you could cut a slice of cake out of that?
01:24:50.000So I think what you were saying, can he get better?
01:24:53.000I think he takes more risks now because he knows he can land them, you know?
01:24:59.000Like trying to do that or soloing on that, the ability to solo them just riffing or whatever has got to be like, when you're that good, it's like dunking in the NBA. You want to see some crazy shit?
01:25:11.000And you can try, and you probably have more momentum to try that.
01:25:14.000Well, I know Gary, and he is super dedicated to music.
01:29:09.000That show was doing him in because he was getting hammered with people all over the place and he was showing up at bars and drinking and it was part of the gig of the show.
01:32:49.000If they didn't like to fight other dogs so much, they'd be like the best dog.
01:32:52.000But they want to fight other dogs, man.
01:32:54.000If you weren't just so violent, taking my dog to the dog park and watching a dog that you know is going to be a problem, especially on New York City, those dog parks are like prison yards.
01:33:04.000You don't know who the fuck- But here it is.
01:33:05.000This is one of the Pitbull treadmills.
01:33:09.000He's like, come on, don't make me work.
01:37:26.000Yeah, I would go to the backyard and play a game where I'd take two tennis balls, and so I was like growing up, and I'd throw one to one end, and then he would run down and get it, and I'd throw the other one to that one, and then he would dart across the room, and I'd just keep doing that, and at the end he'd be like, Yeah.
01:39:36.000Yeah, you realize that, like, we were talking about that book, The Heart of Everything, that is about Red Cloud, and, like, the Western Sioux, and they talked about when they laid the train tracks, and, you know, us whats were coming west with a repeater fucking rifle just shooting buffalo.
01:39:51.000And then what happens is they can't use it because it's rotten meat, but then the wolves come.
01:39:57.000So then they were like, oh, we'll clean up the wolves.
01:39:59.000And now the wolves are just terrorizing tribes and shit because they're like, oh, these dead fucking buffalo are nearby.
01:43:01.000And living there, you're reminded of that walking through parks late at night by garbage bags.
01:43:07.000When I first started, when I moved to New York in 07, it was one of those things where I was outside smoking at an open mic just by a mountain of trash, and you'd just see, like, bags move, and you're like...
01:43:19.000Then you see one go and you're like oh and you you know that fact you've heard that I heard that fact by then that there's more Rats than people in New York and you're like oh those are the brazen ones Those are the ones that are like yeah you were out here.
01:43:33.000Yeah, it was under the surface Yeah, dude are just thinking about under that dude It's fucking went to a gas station once this is back in the day when I didn't have a cell phone I had to use a fucking pay phone this how long ago this is nice and So I'm pumping my gas, and I go over to use this payphone.
01:43:47.000And as I'm using the payphone, like 10 feet away from my car, I watch a rat run out, jump on my wheel, my tire, and then disappear somewhere in my fucking car.
01:44:52.000New York One always puts up these videos occasionally of like the Taco Bell on 54th Street and you're just watching like 30 rats just be in the thing and you're like, holy shit!
01:45:03.000And they did it to the Taco Bell by the restaurant I worked at.
01:45:07.000Just go get a cheap, you know, Taco Bell, just go get a quesadilla.
01:45:09.000And then you saw that video, you're like, oh my God.
01:48:16.000If the three of us couldn't get away from each other and we didn't know why, and you just started panicking, you would wreck Jamie and I. I'm out first and then...
01:48:51.000Underneath the fuckin' something stars, they got to a point where they were like taking leather straps and boiling it down and eating leather.
01:49:37.000And then like they talk about eating the people and it had to be like one woman didn't want to know if it was her husband or not because her husband had died.
01:49:48.000Just go mix it up so I don't know that I'm eating my beloved John, you know?
01:49:53.000And these guys got trapped and then they come out The end of that book is basically all about PTSD and about how all these people that survived were like...
01:50:02.000That old-timey thing were like, we don't talk about that.
01:51:21.000I don't know if people have gotten, you know, mad monkey disease, like mad cow disease, but mad cow disease comes from cows eating other cows.
01:53:43.000Well, yeah, you wanted to be first, Mark.
01:53:44.000Now we're all going to eat you, you stupid dead fuck.
01:53:48.000Dude, coming back out and seeing that, like seeing nature work, almost like those old school time-lapse videos where you watch the skull deteriorate and then like the grass grow around and shit.
01:53:59.000Do it in a day where you come out and you're like, oh shit, it's gone.
01:54:03.000I bet if you put cameras out there and got a slow, it would be just like 10 rats at the same time just eating them alive.
01:54:09.000Richard Kuklinski, the Iceman, That serial killer.
01:54:13.000He would go to Bucks County, Pennsylvania and he found this cave with rats and he would put a fucking video camera and watch people get eaten.
01:54:26.000He would just put them in there alive and come back a week later, nothing.
01:54:32.000Nothing in that book by Philip Carlo the Iceman they talk about how this motherfucker Kuklinski would watch those videos eating sandwiches and shit like that's how cold he was he was like yeah, I'll watch this shit Dude, I got it.
01:54:45.000That was a weird phase when you're single and you're explaining to women why you read about Richard Kuklinski so much I'm cool.
01:55:19.000The stories in that Philip Carlo book are fucking insane about how he would be like, you know, the Gambino family would...
01:55:27.000Order a hit in Florida and they're like put some pizzazz on it and he would feed the guy to a shark or some shit like real crazy shit You know Saddam Hussein's sons would rape women and feed them to their dogs.
01:58:02.000Footballers say he never really understood or showed much interest in the game itself, but was desperate enough for a win that he would phone up the dressing room during halftime to threaten to cut off players' legs and throw them to ravenous dogs.
01:58:15.000Just in between it and they go, hey, uh...
01:58:19.000Uday's on the phone for you, and you're like, hello?
01:58:27.000As football overseer, Uday kept a private torture scorecard with written instructions on how many times each player should be beaten on the soles of his feet after a particularly poor showing.
01:58:58.000Oh, Uday's excess is carried over into his private life where he had a reputation for ordering any girl or woman who caught his eye to be brought to his private pleasure dome.
02:00:36.000I would invite you over to watch soccer, but...
02:00:38.000I felt like when you read stories of ancient kings and dynasties and their sons and the evil princes, it's almost like that's the pattern that always happens.
02:00:59.000But you got a guy that makes his way from Sicily or up in Brooklyn and makes a made man and he's making it and then they have those kids that are just like, they saw the power their dad had so they didn't have the beginning part.
02:01:11.000So then they're like, I got the power, you fucking respect me.
02:01:13.000And you're like, yeah, but your dad went up the ranks.
02:01:41.000They want to be their own man They don't want to be they don't want to go into your line of business and take over the family business and fuck man That's like how many stories are about that where the man has got to get away from his dad I don't want to do the business.
02:01:51.000I'm forced to do the business It's always always always a storyline where it's like I'll go back to running my dad's factory and fucking whatever because it ain't your dream It's not your dream and sometimes dads want it to be your dream whenever I see comedians Like, children of comedians get into it?
02:03:36.000If you watch that fight, he's up on the cards early, and you watch Mayweather breathe it out and just refocus, and you're like, that's what you get from growing up around all that shit.
02:03:49.000He was one of the few guys that actually hit Floyd in his career.
02:03:52.000It was like Sugastrain and Mosley hit him once pretty good and Maidana hit him once and it was the end of a round and he clipped him and Floyd wobbled a little and the round was over.
02:04:02.000But it was like whoa like that dude could hit.
02:04:04.000And then he just came back and walked him down.
02:04:07.000Yeah and then the second fight they had was even better.
02:04:10.000The second fight they had it was a shutout.
02:04:27.000His movement, his understanding of distance.
02:04:30.000One of the funniest things that he ever did was he fought this, there's this guy who, Tenshin, who is a, he's a huge star in Japan in martial arts, kickboxing and stuff like that, but he's a smaller guy.
02:04:45.000But he's like a very exciting young prospect.
02:05:35.000I mean, but when you get whooped by someone not in shape, the excuses out of your mouth on the walk back, you're like, yeah, I don't know, man.
02:06:31.000And then you could only take a few of those.
02:06:33.000Like, look, okay, just boxing, Floyd has let him survive for a minute, right?
02:06:37.000And if this was kickboxing and Tension could kick his legs, This fight would be in grave danger of being stopped because Floyd would be fucked.
02:06:47.000His legs would be falling apart and this dude would be chopping at him.
02:07:17.000My worry was that this defeat was so crushing, the way it happened, was so absolute, the way Floyd just sort of walked him down with his...
02:08:12.000Now what about if you added like a kickboxer wrestler, like with the first UFC? It depends on what kind of puncher you're talking about.
02:08:18.000So like if Mike Tyson fought a kickboxer, You still would bet on Mike Tyson in his prime, because Mike Tyson would close the distance and smash that guy with one or two punches so quick that the leg kicks wouldn't matter.
02:08:30.000He would just be on you, and before you knew it, it was a swarm of knuckles, and you're fucked.
02:08:53.000So the only guys who I think, like Shannon Briggs, he fought Tom Erickson in a kickboxing fight, and Tom Erickson kicked his legs.
02:09:01.000But Tom Erickson was more of an MMA fighter.
02:09:04.000He was really a really good wrestler, a big giant wrestler.
02:09:06.000But Shannon Briggs starches people with one punch.
02:09:09.000It's a very particular kind of power you have to have to get in there with a kickboxer, I think.
02:09:14.000Because the danger of just getting your legs removed, it's too hard.
02:09:18.000If you're not used to it, you have to train for a long time to accept and check them, and also you have to condition your legs to be able to get beaten up like that.
02:09:26.000Yeah, don't they roll out the nerves and stuff in their shins and stuff to be able to get kicked?
02:11:55.000Anderson Silva, when he broke it on Chris Weidman, it was the same night as a Rousey fight, and I was coming back from the road, so I DVR'd the fucking event, and I was very excited to watch that.
02:12:21.000Well, I just want to thank you, as someone that's listened to your podcast, for finally answering the question if you take piss breaks or not.
02:13:08.000This is the Weidman break, but before the Weidman break, Anderson Silva, when he broke it on Weidman, I had it DVR'd, and I came home, and my fucking roommate was having a party.
02:13:17.000He didn't tell me that was going to happen.
02:13:19.000Our other roommate, our third roommate, who's not a comic.
02:13:21.000And I was coming back from the road, so I was tired.
02:13:24.000And I was like, dude, I don't want this party.
02:15:59.000That's what we were talking about that, but we didn't finish earlier.
02:16:01.000We were talking about a tell so tell Did insomniac and you know, he was always partying always drinking.
02:16:09.000Yeah and So I'm in LA at the improv one night.
02:16:14.000He was hammered and he was looking for an after-hour spot and then then it was like very soon after that they decided to sober up and And then I saw him maybe a year later.
02:17:08.000So it's like if I stopped smoking weed and it became better shows and more fun after the show to be like, after that late show, you're like...
02:18:20.000And when you're around people like, you know, Shane and Big J and fucking Sam Marill and Mark Norman, you're seeing these people do jokes that you're like, or List.
02:18:29.000List will come out with like 10 minutes, I'm like, fucking, let's go.
02:18:35.000It's like, that's good, that motivation.
02:18:36.000But weed, for me, adds the extra, like, remember, You gotta write better jokes.
02:18:42.000Well, it's so much better than the things that make you confident.
02:18:46.000The things that make you confident are dangerous.
02:18:49.000Or booze, and you get Mike Tyson punching on you on a JetBlue flight.
02:18:53.000That guy's probably on a bunch of shit.
02:18:55.000The guy who Mike Tyson punched, apparently, according to the New York Post, Has a lengthy criminal history.
02:19:02.000Well, in that case, if he's had a lot of fuck-ups and he's a bad person or whatever, he's going to go to jail, at least he got to get his ass kicked by a famous person.
02:19:11.000If you find yourself or Mike Tyson's reaching over the back of an airline seat and punching you in the face, I think you probably earned it.
02:23:21.000If that was the lady that was on the ground that got duct taped like that, so if the other story was another person that bit a bunch of people, what did this lady do that they didn't just remove her from the plane?
02:23:32.000They just said, no, bitch, you're staying here.
02:25:15.000Two-hour flight July 6th from Dallas-Fort Worth to Charlotte, North Carolina had been delayed for at least three hours before it finally departed at midnight, but about an hour into the trip, chaos broke out.
02:25:27.000This woman said that in a subsequent video describing the hectic scene, flight attendants began turning on the lights around 1.30 a.m., she said, and we see all flight attendants running up and down the aisles frantically, kind of like whispering to each other.
02:25:41.000The plane's crew began locking bathrooms, grabbing bags from overhead bins and wouldn't say what was happening.
02:25:47.000It was just kind of like chaos, and no one knows what's going on, she continued.
02:25:52.000Finally, the pilot spoke over the intercom, asking people to stay in their seats, referencing to a bad situation in the plane right now, according to the passenger.
02:26:00.000Then we're gradually starting to hear more and more screaming, and we're like, wait a minute, she noted.
02:26:07.000Just as the plane was about to land, a flight attendant who sat near them explained that a woman with an apparent mental issue had an outburst like had the urge to get off the plane and she was saying, I need to get off this plane and she went up to the exits and started banging on the doors saying,
02:26:52.000And you're just reading your magazine and you're like...
02:26:55.000Has anybody ever opened up one of those doors?
02:26:57.000I don't know that's a I mean That's gonna suck everyone out right that would just be a I wonder how easy it is to do Probably not that easy because they always talk about the weight of the door and you got the pressure of being in the sky I wonder if you can open it while the plane is moving like I wonder if there's some fail safes well I hate going with the impossibility and being like,
02:27:19.000you can't do it, but it's physically impossible to open a door mid-flight.
02:28:16.000Or are you going to try to open the door?
02:28:18.000Do you think maybe that's selfish to the other fucking people on the plane that you just want to fly to the ground and everybody else has to...
02:28:23.000The guy behind you going, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, don't prove nothing.
02:35:51.000That's like one of the things they know when people are faking passing out is that they always catch themselves.
02:35:58.000Sometimes people catch themselves when they do are blacking out because they're not totally out.
02:36:03.000But when someone pretends to be out cold and they catch themselves on the way down and then still pretend to be out cold, like, I just saw you catch yourself.
02:39:00.000Festin was found screaming inside the wreckage by Bruno Honke, a local villager and former World War II medic who was able to administer vital first aid before rescuers arrived.
02:39:10.000Although she survived, she sustained extremely serious injuries and spent the following days in a coma.
02:39:16.000She suffered a fractured skull, two broken legs, three broken vertebrae, a fractured pelvis, several broken ribs, and temporary paralysis below the waist.
02:39:26.000Amazingly, Veston was able to walk again after 10 months, albeit with a permanent limp, due to the twisting of her spine.
02:39:32.000There's multiple people that have fallen from over 20,000 feet, though.
02:42:27.000There's the old K-Rock, when I worked overnights there, you would go into the green room, like the old Howard Stern green room, and there was these windows that would look over, I want to say on like 58th Street or like 56th Street, and there were these buildings that had fucking houses on them.
02:42:43.000Suburban houses on the top of these buildings and you're like, that's a level of rich.
02:42:48.000They weren't complete with a yard and shit, but you saw it and you're like, that's where someone lives for sure.
02:42:54.000And I would just sit out there and look at them and be like, this is fucking crazy.
02:42:57.000There's something about being on a porch and you look down.
02:44:39.000Dude, if you got that meat missile, open that door and give it a little whistle.
02:44:42.000Do you know how excited someone must be if someone finally breaks into a guy's house who has a meat missile, just trained and ready to go, just sitting there every day, just sitting there every day hoping someone would.
02:45:08.000I feel like that's the same feeling when if someone if someone fuck with me and I was like All right, here we go, baby It's very fun when you watch a video of a guy who doesn't know how to fight and he picks a fight with someone who does and he's a total douchebag and he gets flatlined I can't even think of what the video would be called but on ebom's world when the old internet videos the There was this guy,
02:45:31.000I want to say British, and they're in this alley, and this guy's up on his porch yelling at him, right?
02:45:37.000And he's like fucking with his recycling bin, and this fat dude's got his shirt tucked into his thing, and he's just like talking.
02:45:42.000You can't hear what they're saying, but he's rattling it, and then the guy steps out into the yard and just does this like confident pose, and the guy that was yelling goes, and he just does like two moves and just fucking knocks the guy out, and you're like, that's cool as shit.
02:46:03.000He's got a fat gut, and he just does something like that, and he just fucks this dude up.
02:46:07.000I think I know what you're talking about.
02:46:08.000You're talking about the one that takes place in a parking structure, and he hits him with a leg kick, and then the guy moves to- No, it's all hands.
02:46:16.000He just moves to the side and hits him once.
02:50:24.000He's so fascinating to learn against, but then also like Dan Gable and all those guys, that thought process, you're like, those are fucking tough.
02:52:32.000Yeah, imagine no neck problems, how he would fuck you up.
02:52:35.000Yeah, that is, uh, man, it's like wrestlers when you see, even when I played football in high school and you saw what the wrestlers had to go through for training, you were like, fuck that.
02:52:44.000Like those stairs and the fireman carriers, all the shit that they would do.
02:52:47.000Didn't Dan Gable get to the Olympic gold without having a point scored on him?
02:52:57.000To be in international competition against the very best of the best and the biggest tournament on earth against the overachievers and savages that make up the mass of amateur wrestlers all over the world?
02:53:09.000And no one can even score a point on you.
02:53:12.0001972 games in particular Gable won all six of his matches without giving up a point.
02:55:57.000And I think there's something about that in terms of the reward of discipline and the adherence to a very strict Moral, ethical, and behavioral code.
02:56:06.000If that's how you're living your life, if you're doing that in wrestling, it's almost like it's easy.
02:56:10.000You're like, I do this already in my normal life, so this isn't going to be hard.
02:56:13.000There's like a disproportionate amount of really elite fighters that are coming from that area.
02:56:16.000And a lot of it also has to do with Khabib's dad.
02:56:20.000And unfortunately, he died during the pandemic.
02:58:34.000They said that they had kept dogs and they would feed people to dogs.
02:58:38.000I don't know if that's a true story, but what I'd read in one of the articles about him was that they would just grab women and he would rape them and feed them to dogs.
02:58:46.000I mean, if a guy has a thing called a pleasure dome, he's either a swinger or he's gonna feed those women to dogs.
03:00:05.000Yeah, get the monkey drunk and then make it fight his friends.
03:00:09.000Former bodyguards also detailed a cage of monkeys Uday kept at his club specifically so that the animals could witness him assaulting women.
03:00:28.000There's a real long story from Time Magazine where a bunch of that was coming from that was really hard to read through because it was a really old article.
03:00:39.000He had a place where he would assault women.
03:00:42.000He assaulted so many of them that he had a place.
03:00:44.000And he had a cage full of monkeys that he would make watch.
03:00:47.000That he would be like, watch this, monkeys.
03:00:51.000Okay, the bodyguard said he was disgusted by Uday's activities.
03:00:54.000He points to a floor-to-ceiling cage in the corner of the club's kitchen where he says monkeys were kept for Uday because he'd like to have the animals watch him when he was deflowering virgins.
03:01:05.000It was his to make the singers who entertained Uday at the boat club gulp down a liter and a half of a cocktail, a combination of 90-proof alcohol, often with some drugs thrown in.
03:01:40.000So he has a team of people that will go out and just grab people for him.
03:01:45.000I want to talk about how good comedy is, man.
03:01:47.000I mean, can you imagine walking into a Funny Bone and they're like, drink this 10 liters, drink this liter, and you're like, dude, I just wanted to do a new joke about...
03:01:56.000About fucking about tinder and like drink this fucking booze You don't don't want to read that article unless you really want to like fuck with your mind.
03:02:10.000It's like It's in the Game of Thrones.
03:02:13.000It's in all those tales of a king and he has an evil son like sometimes it's even a good king and But the son grows up with ultimate power and he becomes evil.
03:02:53.000I saw the head of the first student literally come off his body with the first bite and then had to stand and watch the animals devour two young men.
03:03:02.000By the time they were finished, there was little left but for the bones and bits and pieces of unwanted flesh.
03:03:18.000Last week as Iraqis celebrated the death of his former boss and his equally savage younger brother, Husay, he nervously revealed a hideous story.
03:03:28.000His instructions that day in 1999 were to arrest the two 19-year-olds on the campus of Baghdad's Academy of Fine Arts and deliver them to Radhwanya?
03:04:07.000And this one, it says, the lions pounce.
03:04:09.000I saw the head of the first student literally come off his body with the first bite, then had to stand and watch the animals devour the two young men.
03:04:48.000Ultimate power and he was killing for a thrill.
03:04:52.000Yeah, and then, I mean, I think you are so happy when the United States military shows up.
03:04:56.000You're like, please, dude, this fucking guy.
03:04:58.000One of the things said that at the dark day was when he found the internet and started looking up ways to torture people online and then started trying that shit out.
03:07:34.000To see what it would be like to see King Henry VIII and see all the peasants in the village below him and he's eating a giant fucking turkey leg and shit and he's all fat.
03:10:35.000So imagine this is happening today with all the internet and all the ability to talk about this and films being made about it and countless articles being written about it.
03:10:46.000Imagine when it was like 100 years ago, 200 years ago, 500 years ago.
03:10:50.000We were talking about that before the podcast where it's like bank robberies in the 80s.
03:11:23.000With Kuklinski, in that book by Philip Carlo, they talk about they didn't have a national database.
03:11:30.000They weren't sharing information the way they share information now.
03:11:34.000So Kuklinski could go and kill in Florida, come back up to New York, or shoot kids in North Carolina at a truck stop, and no one knew that they were all connected until he was like, yeah, I did that.
03:13:49.000I just put it on and I play video games and then I'll be like, oh, what did Jack the Ripper do?
03:13:53.000Come back in that's how I found that Dahmer party book cuz I was like damn sounds hold on rewind that podcast this shit sounds intense I wish I could remember all the cool things that I've figured out or rather was was told on this podcast.
03:14:06.000Oh my god I wish I could remember cuz there's so many fucking people have told me cool shit Have you ever thought about things that we googled and figured out Jay and I said did this thing on the bonfire cuz we have topics that we'd start and then Go somewhere else.
03:14:18.000This guy was like, I want to go through and find all the topics that you never finished.
03:14:23.000It's like, that's seven years of that.
03:16:15.000Yeah, it was talking to Ari about that because I had a story and Jay had a story and we both reached out to Ari and we're like, dude, we'll cancel.
03:16:50.000But the way they did it was just so crazy.
03:16:52.000Like, so you can't do a Netflix special.
03:16:54.000If you do a Netflix special and you don't do a Comedy Central special for less money and less exposure, we're going to cancel your Comedy Central show.
03:18:20.000And then he would bring people up and they would tell stories.
03:18:22.000But he had this idea that it would be a great way to work on bits because people would accept the fact that it is a story.
03:18:28.000So you don't feel as constrained to the set-up punchline, set-up punchline, and allow you to maybe explore ideas that you didn't really know how to breach just on stage during a regular act with your tight material.
03:18:41.000Yeah, he was also very encouraging about it, where he would be...
03:18:45.000When I did the show, I actually, at Moon Tower Comedy Festival, I did his show and I did this story about being in college and living with a weed dealer and getting robbed.
03:18:54.000And I got off stage and he's like, listen, we're going to film in June, have it ready by then.
03:19:00.000And so then I would just be on the road and work this story out in the middle of the act.
03:19:15.000And it was a unique way to tell stories.
03:19:17.000Like, he decided to put together theme-based shows and have people go up and fuck around with stories.
03:19:25.000Like, you'd call me up, do you have any stories about drugs?
03:19:29.000He would put on a drug show, and some of them didn't work, and some of them I pursued, and one of them I wound up doing on his show on YouTube.