Johnny Depp is on trial for allegedly defacing Amber Heard's face with makeup, and she's suing him for $50 million. Will he get what he deserves? Or will he settle for less than half that? Find out on this week s episode of Joe Rogan's new podcast, The Real Reel, where he and his co-hosts discuss all things real and fake news. Also, they talk about the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard case, and why it s a good thing that he s not getting a settlement, because she s a crazy woman with a lot of mental issues. They also talk about why he s such a douchebag, and how he should have known better than to do drugs and drink coke. And, of course, they discuss the fact that he looks like he could have been on cocaine, but that s not the only thing he s been doing drugs, which is why he looks so damn good. We also discuss how he s looking like he s doing coke, and what it s like to be in a relationship with a woman who does drugs. Finally, we talk about Amber Heard and why she s so crazy, and also why she thinks she shits in his bed. Thanks for listening to this episode, and we hope you like it! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Music by Joseph McDade. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Artwork by Ian Dorsch. Please rate, review, review and subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts. and leave us a review! Thank you for listening, and share our podcast and review if you like what you re listening to us on Apple Music and reviewing our podcast! Subscribe, rating, rating and reviewing on iTunes and review on your favorite streaming platform, and tell us what s your thoughts on our podcast is your favorite podcasting experience! we re listening and sharing it on social media about what s going to be the best thing you ve been listening to? and we re sharing it with your friends and what s the most beautiful day of the week! and who are you listening to your life is the most important thing you are listening to you re getting the most of it and what they re listening about it and who s getting the best of your day to do the most uplifting day in your life? and more!
00:15:32.000And he sold like two million copies of it immediately.
00:15:35.000So it's like what he's doing with this is, first of all, he's cutting everybody out, all the parasites that suck money out of them, cut them out, and he creates his own platform.
00:16:16.000This is something that he posted on Instagram and they took it down when he was going back and forth with Pete Davidson because Pete Davidson is banging his lady.
00:20:08.000There's a bunch, not only the stuff that we sell, that Onnit sells, but there's other stuff that I love, like that stuff on the table over there is NeuroGum.
00:21:51.000I mean, uh, painkillers, uh, I loved Ambien.
00:21:56.000I know that might sound crazy to people, but I love, I love being knocked out, and I love, like, cooking a whole meal and not remembering it the next day.
00:22:05.000I had a bit about it in my eye because it really did happen to Kevin James.
00:24:45.000And that was because COVID really freaked me out.
00:24:47.000And it's just like, I can't, it's not gonna work.
00:24:51.000Oh, so you went double hard with COVID? Yeah, because I'm like, I had a whole week of, you know, my special had just come out, my Bill Burt, you know, Comedy Central special.
00:24:59.000I just did a Tonight Show for the third time.
00:25:01.000My career was exploding and then fucking COVID. And I'm like, oh, no, this is not, I can't be home right now.
00:25:07.000I've been on the road for 23 years now.
00:25:09.000All my work is canceled for a year and I'm home.
00:30:49.000I guarantee you his back's fucked up and most likely his head's fucked up.
00:30:53.000You know, you're not lying at all because when you're like that, like me, you're going to do whatever you have to do to get a laugh and to get attention because I'm filled with self-hatred and I need everyone to like me.
00:32:38.000Like when you fall and hit your head like that, that's how, you know, people don't realize this, but a lot of soccer players have traumatic brain injury from heading the ball.
00:32:48.000People who ride jet skis too much get traumatic brain injuries just from the bouncing.
00:32:55.000That throttles your fucking brain, rattles your brain.
00:32:59.000I guarantee you he's rattling his brain.
00:33:01.000He's falling down over and over again.
00:35:27.000Apparently there was a study where they said that a lot of teenage kids, because of porn, there's a high percentage of teenage kids that are doing anal.
00:35:34.000My thought was, what kind of fucking scientist are you?
00:35:38.000Imagine those scientists that are engaging in that study.
00:37:06.000Common cocaine additives include laundry detergent, laxatives, laxatives in there, caffeine, boric acid, local anesthetics like procaine, and creatine.
00:37:18.000These all come in a white powder form that's visually indistinguishable from the standard form of street cocaine.
00:37:23.000They're not particularly dangerous, but also not something that you generally want in your body.
00:37:26.000Small particles in laundry detergent can build up in arteries and cause dangerous blockages in heart, brain, and liver.
00:37:32.000So the only problem in that list is laundry detergent, apparently, because they singled laundry detergent out.
00:37:36.000They don't give a fuck about you causing a fecal delivery.
00:45:01.000And so she got super dedicated, but she's so brave.
00:45:04.000Like, she posts photos of herself, like, before and after and puts it on Instagram, like, shows, like, her at her worst and shows how she looks now.
00:46:35.000It's very interesting, the fat activism.
00:46:37.000As people who've struggled with our weight, it's interesting to see now it's gone the other way where fat people are threatening people on social media.
00:46:45.000I've been 330 pounds and no one should have been promoting me.
00:46:50.000I... I was disgusting and should have been shot.
00:47:01.000I should have been hunted down and shot.
00:48:06.000This idea that that's okay and that's good, that's as insane as drunk activists.
00:48:12.000That's as insane as someone who's just shit-faced 24 hours a day with no concern of their liver, and everybody's like, no, you do you, boo.
00:50:47.000Because then the poison that's in the rat is now in the bird, and it'll eventually go through its digestive tract and enter the bloodstream.
00:50:55.000There's an issue with owls in the hills.
00:50:58.000Because a lot of people are poisoning rats.
00:51:35.000I would assume more people use poison than they do traps.
00:51:38.000Yeah, both of them are not that effective.
00:51:41.000Traps can be pretty effective if rats are stupid, but the problem is once a rat sees a trap and sees another rat get snapped up in the trap, that rat will never get snapped up in a trap.
00:56:11.000And then the population is probably going to get ill.
00:56:13.000There's probably going to be some sort of sickness that runs through.
00:56:16.000And hopefully, I mean, I don't think there's a lot of illnesses that come from reptiles, especially not snakes, that transfer over to people.
00:56:30.000Because I know there's avian flus, and then there's swine flu, and there's a bunch of them for animals, and it's usually from agriculture, for making them live in their own shit and just disgusting conditions.
00:56:40.000That's where a lot of those crossover bugs come from.
00:56:45.000They come from large-scale agriculture.
00:56:48.000But I don't think that's the case with pythons.
01:01:44.000I mean, I've read stories now because I've done some looking back into that time period.
01:01:48.000There were kids that were trying to go in because they didn't have anything else to do and they wanted to go fight for the family and they would just sneak in.
01:01:53.000So there were some kids that got in under 16 and a little younger.
01:01:57.000Now, what is the average age of a 28-year-old man now?
01:02:36.000It says, again, I mean, it says what is the average age or average size of a 28-year-old man, and then it goes to a 20-year-old for some reason.
01:04:30.000The information sounds really good, but then at the end of it, I think they were trying to sell something, so it seemed like, well, what is this?
01:06:52.000Yeah, it's like, I don't know if this is true either, but the enzymes in raw milk, apparently, because it's not pasteurized and homogenized, your body has a much easier time processing it.
01:07:04.000Yeah, I mean, supposedly milk and cheese is not grapefruit.
01:07:10.000I think, but this guy was saying, you know, that this doctor, he was an oncologist, the French guy, and he was saying, it is because of the bestization, the modernization, it fucks up the pH.
01:07:24.000He was just saying that, like, for people that, like, if you, it does make sense, though, that if, like, you take milk, regular milk that comes out of a cow, you It's got to have all the natural bacteria in it and the enzymes and all the things that allow a baby cow to drink it and nourish them.
01:07:45.000If you took that stuff and you boiled the fuck out of it so everything's dead, which is what they do.
01:08:36.000You know, and that's how you don't get salmonella, and that's how you get, you know, pasteurized milk.
01:08:42.000But at the end of the day, some stuff is probably better for you raw.
01:08:46.000It's just you can't keep it on a shelf.
01:08:50.000Raw milk, raw cheese, raw butter, raw cream, and raw kefir are whole gut biome superfoods.
01:08:55.000They seed the gut with diverse beneficial bacteria while providing the enzymes, proteins, minerals, and good fats that bacteria love to eat.
01:09:52.000I think they're going to abandon LA, just run out, and it's going to be filled with tents in 50 years.
01:09:57.000When you go back to LA, you won't even be able to drive because you'll run over all the needles.
01:10:01.000So you're just going to have to park your car outside and you wear a hazmat suit.
01:10:04.000It's like backing up when you go through a rental car place.
01:10:06.000Yeah, you wear like a bulletproof hazmat suit and that's going to be how you journey through LA. And you're just going to watch people kill each other and shoot heroin.
01:10:15.000Raw milk across state lines in the United States.
01:10:31.000In 2010 and two arrests in 2011, the founder of the Rawsome Co-op, James Stewart, was again arrested last Thursday by a trio of tough-looking men in street clothes driving unmarked luxury cars.
01:10:46.000So imagine armed raids for a guy who's selling milk.
01:13:15.000We're gonna really bring back the heart and soul of New York City.
01:13:17.000We need our arts and culture back, and we need people to see it and feel it, to participate in it, to know that essence of New York City has not been defeated by the coronavirus, but will come back strong in 2021. They all got masks on outside,
01:16:01.000This idea that you could be on one or the other team.
01:16:04.000It's so bad for people because we just inherently, we have this instinctual tribal instinct to join a group and to adopt all the ideas of the group.
01:16:38.000You'd be amazed at how quickly people become a little more pro-police and concerned about Crime and protecting neighborhoods when you have children.
01:16:50.000It's almost instinctively people become at least slightly more conservative in that regard.
01:16:58.000Yeah, because you realize, especially if you see actual crime and violence, if you actually witness this and realize, oh, you're in danger, and it takes a long time for cops to get to you, and people in New York are experiencing that right now, where they're realizing,
01:17:33.000It's just the way they handled things, you know, particularly like post-George Floyd, giving in to the masses of people that were saying crazy shit like defund the police.
01:19:32.000You're always in a state of flux and hopefully in a state of growth, but, you know, your mood changes based on the amount of stress and pressure you're under and your obligations, the amount of sleep.
01:19:42.000So you're not a constant static thing that's, like, this is a steel cup.
01:19:48.000This steel cup is always going to be a steel cup.
01:19:50.000No, you're all kinds of different things.
01:21:20.000If I need to know something, someone will tell me.
01:21:23.000I think that too, but in a way, I feel like as a comic and as a person who talks a lot about things that are happening in the world, I kind of have at least some sort of an obligation to be informed.
01:21:49.000It's just one of those things where you have to manage your diet in terms of what you take in mentally, just like you have to manage your diet physically, like your body, what you eat.
01:22:01.000You have to manage what you fucking think about.
01:22:04.000You can't just fill it up with junk, you know?
01:22:07.000Yeah, I just know people that like, you know, they'll get accused of things or they'll, people will try to quote unquote cancel them or, you know, put stuff out about them because I've had stuff put out about me.
01:22:23.000I know where I stand and who I am as a person, so I've learned to not get so affected by those things because I know who I am.
01:22:32.000I'm very firm in who I am as a person and as a soul, so I don't let it affect me.
01:22:38.000But years ago, before I did so much work on myself, I would have been crushed and fucking bedridden because I wasn't so secure with who I am as a person now.
01:22:50.000Yeah, I've seen people really lose their shit over some minor stuff.
01:23:14.000I think my feeling on all this stuff that's going on about even cancel culture, like what people are talking about as cancel culture...
01:23:22.000It's people realizing that they have the ability to affect things around them, especially if they act in groups.
01:23:31.000Now, I'm not saying it's good, but when people realize that they can organize a campaign to attack a politician or attack a celebrity or attack someone who they feel like is deserving of that and then they spend a lot of time online doing that.
01:23:49.000I'm not saying it's good, but it's fascinating.
01:23:51.000It's fascinating because it's a never-before-available portal for expressing yourself.
01:23:58.000And I think, just like everything else in life, there's this bad aspect of things that happen, and then there's a correction that may at least potentially be good.
01:24:11.000And I think that way when I think of all this cancel culture shit and all this criticism stuff and all the chaos and the infighting between the right and the left and the fucking battle for control of the government.
01:24:25.000When I look at all that stuff I say this is a strange time for the Processing of information, the distribution of information, it's the Wild West, and no one knows what the fuck to do, you know?
01:24:39.000And there's a lot of people that are trying to apply traditional models to how to handle things today, and it's not working.
01:24:46.000Like, here's the thing, there's so much cultural shifting happening on the internet, but nobody controls the internet.
01:24:55.000So this, like, for the first time in the history of human beings, Regular peep just people people who got a YouTube channel who get a fucking Twitter page who get this have a massive say a Massive say crazy right in the way people feel and think about things I think ultimately that's going to be a good thing,
01:25:14.000but we have rough water ahead That's what's going on and all the people that are calling for censorship You're only calling for censorship for people that don't agree with you But there's gonna be people that don't agree with you and if they get the fucking reins, then that shit comes back around at you.
01:25:33.000That's how they take control of governments.
01:25:36.000Censorship is fucking dangerous because it's a mental form of dictatorship.
01:25:41.000You're deciding what people can and can't do.
01:25:45.000And you're deciding it based on your own ideology, and how do I know if you've examined it?
01:25:50.000How do I know if you're introspective?
01:25:52.000How do I know if you've done the work?
01:25:54.000How do I know if you've, like, been honest about yourself, about your failures and your successes and your kindness and your weakness, your strengths, your flaws?
01:26:30.000Like if you had a movie and there was a guy who was like a hero in the movie who happened to be a billionaire, does wild shit, like makes his own rockets and drills under the city and electric cars and then buys Twitter.
01:29:23.000And it's, you know, obviously in this day and age, that's a controversial opinion, but I believe she deserves the ability to express it, and I believe people have the ability, or deserve the ability, rather, to refute it.
01:29:33.000And to argue and make a better argument against that.
01:29:36.000And that's what discourse is all about.
01:31:10.000Apparently it was really close yesterday, and I had heard this morning that it was probably going to happen, but the fact that it's now announced, that's fucking amazing.
01:36:55.000Yeah, the music's not necessary, because there's no sound of the actual thing, but, like, I mean, the monkey's fucked, because the monkey's like a thinking creature, right?
01:37:25.000Yeah, I mean, it's aware that this is happening, and then there's no getting out.
01:37:28.000I mean, the amount of force that those things have, imagine if you were as small as a little monkey like that, and you felt that thing clamping down.
01:37:37.000So look at this one swallowing this deer.
01:39:03.000There was one point in time where I lived in this house that had a courtyard, and I was thinking of sealing the courtyard in and getting a crocodile monitor.
01:43:46.000I had just gotten off of news radio, and then I had a development deal to do a sitcom, and then NBC came to me and said, Hey, we got this thing.
01:47:45.000Like, you couldn't be out there in the wild, and maybe you had to quit college, because now college is remote, so you come home, and you're around your stepmom and your dad.
01:50:01.000So we're supposed to be so horny because we need to fuck a lot and make a lot of people because most of them are going to get eaten by snakes.
01:54:48.000Yeah, because they're doing a show and this guy just shows up to a show and then maybe shows up to another show that's like two states away and you're like, oh boy.
01:54:55.000And then maybe they know what hotel you're staying at.
01:54:58.000They could easily know what hotel you're staying at.
01:55:30.000And you sell a lot of pictures of your vagina.
01:55:35.000And, you know, you do stuff for money online.
01:55:38.000And you're using this to pay your bills, buy a house.
01:55:41.000But then you get in a relationship with someone.
01:55:45.000And then it gets kind of serious, and you're thinking about getting married.
01:55:48.000If you get married, and what if the guy says, hey, I don't think you should be sticking your pussy in front of the camera every night if we're married.
01:55:55.000Well then, think about the amount of money she's risking by getting involved in an intimate relationship.
01:56:00.000And it might inhibit you from getting closer to somebody.
01:56:04.000Because you might think, hey, if this guy, if I get serious with him, and he starts telling me what to do, that I can't do this, I'm going to miss out on, like, I heard as a girl that someone knows who's making 10,000 a month.
01:56:17.000I know someone who's making a lot more than that.
01:56:30.000Not a lot, but there are some female comics where I have seen their pussy on numerous occasions, and then I go on shows with them, and I'm like, I've seen her pussy.
01:59:33.000But the thing is, maybe there's a guy that's right for you, but he's going to have a problem with that, and you're not going to want to do anything about it, because it's so much money.
02:00:20.000What if you have an OnlyFans page under a pseudonym and then you work somewhere and then it gets revealed that you have this OnlyFans page and then all the guys start getting your videos.
02:00:31.000So the culture and the environment at work becomes weird.
02:09:39.000But if you weren't a human and you were watching humans from afar and you were like some other life form, you're like, look at how arbitrary it is.
02:11:01.000I guess it's like a thing where you're looking for symmetry and the symmetry is present, which means like it's a...
02:11:08.000Great representation genetically, but it's strange that we give a fuck about that so much, but that's like there's a root of sexual attraction like Obviously people have types like some people like thin people some people like big people people like all kinds of different heights and All kinds of different hair colors.
02:16:05.000But that was, she looked like everyone that looks at her is pointing her out and laughing and shocked.
02:16:12.000Yeah, I don't think she understands that.
02:16:14.000And she still doesn't probably think she looks good.
02:16:17.000I think one of the things that happened with this generation of reality TV stars is you got to see some really positive plastic surgery stories.
02:22:45.000My friend CK brought it when we were doing, when Dave Chappelle and I were doing shows at Stubbs, he brought these burgers backstage and some of them were plant-based burgers and I tried one.
02:23:45.000They're actually, and they have done this with beef, where they've actually concocted a combination of beef fat and beef muscle tissue and made a synthetic steak out of it.
02:23:55.000So through some sort of a process of a replication of cells, they'll take a small amount of cells from animals and then they'll convert that into some sort of a petri dish slab of meat.
02:24:29.000Because they're experimenting and they haven't ramped up the scale of production to the point where they can mass produce and make it cheaper.
02:24:36.000But this company apparently has some sort of tech.
02:24:49.000Wouldn't it be more expensive with tiger meat?
02:24:52.000It depends where you get the tiger meat from.
02:24:55.000If you get the tiger meat from India, I bet they kill tigers there all the time.
02:25:01.000There's an area called the Sundarbans, and this is an area where I had a bit about it in my 2009 special, because there was one boat, I think it was like four guys in the boat and three of them were killed by tigers.
02:25:14.000Where the tiger swam out to the boat, killed a guy, dragged him into the water, dropped him off at the beach, jumped back in the water, swam back out to the boat again, killed a guy.
02:25:28.000They kill so many people out there that when they go to take surveys of them, they all carry rifles and they have these helmets on that are to protect the back of their neck because that's where they bite you.
02:25:38.000They bite you in the back of the neck.
02:25:40.000Helmets come down on the back of the neck and then they put a mask on the back of the helmet so a tiger would think it's a face because tigers want to attack you from behind.
02:27:06.000I mean, I just found the press release about the event.
02:27:09.000Well, if they find out that it's ethical and sustainable and then no animals have to die and you can eat meat and maintain health and nutrition, I wonder how healthy you get from eating tiger meat.
02:29:28.000Zach got this luxury trip and didn't take it, my stepbrother, and then gave it to my mother and stepfather, and they stayed in a treehouse that was glass-enclosed, and the animals came to the window.
02:33:37.000And then my friend Dave, he was supposed to go to Africa back in the day when we were on news radio and he was taking malaria medication and apparently you're not supposed to drink while you take this stuff.
02:33:49.000And he was drinking and just like blacking out and saying crazy shit and trying to start fights with people.
02:35:46.000He's like, it's a terrible, terrible disease.
02:35:49.000Malaria has killed, I think the number that we found out that seems to be accurate, they think malaria has killed more than half of the people who have ever died ever.
02:36:44.000So when I Google in how many people have died from it, it says maybe between about 150 million and 300 million lives, which is 2% to 5% of all deaths.
02:37:01.000But then this says it's killed nearly half of all people.
02:37:04.000But this is as of 2002, and I feel like we've dug through this at one point, and then it was like it couldn't have, because there's been like 54 billion people.
02:40:01.000Anophilus mosquitoes that have been genetically engineered with multiple anti-malaria molecules acting at different stages of the malaria life cycle are strongly resistant to the parasite that causes malaria and unlikely to lose that resistance quickly according to a study.
02:40:30.000If malaria decides, like, oh, all we have to do is just change a little, and this stupid fucking mosquito becomes the perfect carrier for malaria.
02:43:17.000And he had just gotten back from there, right?
02:43:21.000They are traveling around, and when the Russian troops would die, they have a specific truck that's an incinerator truck, and they just throw the bodies into the incinerator.
02:43:32.000So they're literally dragging around a crematorium.
02:43:36.000So they don't know how many people are dying from it.
02:43:41.000I guess what I'm thinking is if he were losing the war, like if he's not getting what he wants, I would be more worried.
02:43:53.000I don't know if he's getting what he wants because I think there's a lot of economic sanctions that are in place that are crippling the country.
02:43:59.000I think these oligarchs are freaking the fuck out because they're getting their yachts repossessed and fleeing to all parts of the globe.
02:44:05.000I think he's going to lose support of a lot of those guys.
02:44:08.000And if Russian troops keep dying, I don't know what the numbers are, but there could be a point in time where, look, this war is fairly recent.
02:44:18.000What if we're dealing with high casualty levels for the next year, two years, three years?
02:44:25.000At what point in time does he decide to use weapons that he has that Ukraine doesn't?
02:45:03.000And it's not like they haven't put pressure on him.
02:45:08.000It's all really strange stuff because there's so many things at play.
02:45:14.000I watched this whole video that this guy put up on YouTube.
02:45:18.000It's a really interesting video, long video explaining the long history of Ukraine and the conflicts and why Russia is interested in Ukraine and why they took over Crimea and all that.
02:45:29.000It's a very complicated, very complicated part of the world.
02:45:34.000I want to watch that because I want to know more about it.
02:47:01.000I was making $100 working in You know, in a school where people were doing the ballots and all that stuff and then there was a cop in there and I heard it on his radio.
02:48:57.000My friend who's a comic was riding his bike and some guy, like, he went on his bike by mistake at a red light and some guy got out of his car.
02:49:11.000He made a mistake on his bike and, like, went when he wasn't supposed to.
02:49:15.000A guy got out of his car, punched him right in the ribs.
02:49:18.000Just like caught out of his car and punched him in the ribs for making a mistake and going.
02:49:23.000It's just there's people aren't, they're not thinking twice about just being violent at this point.