Actor and comedian Doug Stanhope joins Jemele to talk about the perils of co-dealing with drugs, and how to deal with them in the workplace. Plus, we talk about edibles like gummy bears, gummies, and gummies. And, of course, there's a story about the time Doug accidentally inhaled a whole pack of cigarettes. Thanks to our sponsor, Dr. Rogan's, and to everyone who helped make this podcast possible. Thanks to everyone for all your support, stay safe out there, and Don't Get High! If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE on Apple Podcasts or wherever else you get your stuff. It helps spread the word about the podcast and keep it on the air. Thanks again for listening and Good Morning America. See you in the Badger Den! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The opinions stated here are our own, not those of our companies. We do not own the rights to any music used in this podcast. All credit given to any other works credited to artists, websites, etc. This podcast was produced and produced by our patrons. Thank you for all the support and support. Please don't forget to rate, review, review and subscribe to our work. It helps us out there make the podcast a better place to reach more people who need it. more people out there who are listening to the podcast. Thank you. Love ya, more people listening to us. -Jon Sorrentino -Jemeleven of us, thank you, thank us, and support us, we appreciate you, more than you're a lot more than we know us, more of you, we love you, and we're grateful you're amazing, we really appreciate you. <3 -Jon Good Morning Joe - Thank you, Jon Rocha Jon Goodson and much more. -- Thank you so much, Jon Goodnight. . -- Jon Goodell Thank You, Jon Baden Jim Goodnight & Jon Goodspeedy JUICYNN Jonathan Goodnight, Sarah Good morning Jayde (Thank you Jon Goodday And Jon Goodman Joe Goodnight ( )
00:00:34.000You do the regular COVID test before you do the show, and she goes, have you had the antibody one?
00:00:39.000And I said, no, because I always feel like I have COVID. They do say, and I read this, that people who smoke cigarettes for some reason were like getting it less.
00:00:52.000Yeah, I read a lot of those, and then I saw a lot that disputed that, so I didn't read the ones I didn't want to hear that news, and I read the ones that say, yeah.
00:01:03.000Yeah, that sounds like how I digest news.
00:01:05.000But they also say, if you do get it, you're more likely to wind up on a fucking respirator, which I'm going to wind up on a respirator at this rate regardless.
00:01:16.000I don't mind if I fast-forward the process.
00:01:19.000We've got to fill you up with stem cells.
00:02:41.000I thought I was just too drunk to be in the bar and then I got back to the room and I'm digging through my bag trying to find any leftover bag of fucking airplane peanuts I might have left behind because I'm too high to be in public and go buy something to eat and there's nothing in the hotel open and I'm just eating fucking gummy bears and salty snack fucking mix.
00:03:03.000That's one thing I don't get for whatever weird reason.
00:03:48.000I love those little gummies because, you know, you take them and it's about an hour in, they start to, like, creep into your system, and then an hour and a half in, you're like, oh, Jesus.
00:04:15.000But it's called the one pass is what happens when it goes through the liver and it produces this metabolite.
00:04:20.000But it's five times more psychoactive than THC. So if you have like an equivalent amount, like I've given people edibles before and they're like, dude, this is something, this is laced.
00:06:23.000And so, for the longest time, you know, people have dealt with that and just sort of live their life and take a pregnancy test and now you find out that you're pregnant, you literally have like a fucking week.
00:07:21.000You know, it's just, I just don't like, you know, I don't like people telling other people what they can and can't do, but it gets weird when the baby gets, like, six months old.
00:07:30.000You know, it gets weird when they're really, really pregnant, because in some states, for the longest, I don't know what the rules are now, but I know that some states had late-term abortions, and sometimes you need one for medical reasons, right?
00:07:40.000Like, the woman could die if she gives birth.
00:07:42.000Like, it's a decision that people have to make.
00:07:45.000Well, if you look back, what was your favorite part of being a fetus?
00:07:58.000It's like I am 100% for a woman's right to choose.
00:08:03.000But as a human being, just as a person observing things, there's a big difference between a little clump of cells and a fetus with an eyeball and a beating heart.
00:08:12.000And for anybody to pretend there's not, you're not doing any argument.
00:09:43.000When you take Catholic school girls, for example, you tell them, you can't fuck guys, stay away, boys are the devil, the penis is going to take you straight to hell.
00:09:57.000Were they in high school and they're only with girls?
00:09:59.000When you drove a car before you had a license, your brother had let you drive his car and it was completely illegal, you loved being stuck in traffic.
00:10:53.000What access to information did I have?
00:10:54.000Like, my entire worldview was based upon experiences that I had at college or something I heard from a friend in books.
00:11:01.000And it's hard for us to remember what that kind of life must have been like.
00:11:05.000Because we kind of grew up, and when we were adults, the internet started emerging.
00:11:10.000And then cable news started emerging, and there was enough alternative perspectives and viewpoints.
00:11:15.000We're getting more information with every year.
00:11:17.000And then all of a sudden, with the internet, it's like now you have this tsunami of information that's almost maybe too much to decipher sometimes.
00:11:44.000Old Sky magazines that was the in-flight magazine from the 70s, and I'll leave them in the seat back pocket when I fly, like in 1974. But just reading the ads from back then, seeing things about all those old cars,
00:12:01.000Ford Granada coming out now, it just takes you way back.
00:12:26.000It's like you're getting a version of history books.
00:12:28.000You're getting it from the actual source of the news that was distributed to the population while the shit was coming down.
00:12:34.000I mean, I think every stand-up comic had to read USA Today because they used to flip them at your door in the hotels every morning or have a stack of free ones.
00:12:43.000What was the paper that had the wacky stories?
00:13:04.000I saw a guy grew, he got his dick, something happened, and it got removed from his body, and then they had to reattach it, and they reattached it to his forearm.
00:13:14.000So you had to let it grow in his forearm until it got enough blood supply or something, and then they put it back.
00:14:04.000I used to have a bit where it just makes me crazy.
00:14:09.000Yeah, we haven't been able to smoke for...
00:14:11.000I said, that's like if you get on a city bus today and they said, remember, according to federal regulations, colored people can now sit wherever they like.
00:20:37.000If you go to bars, if you hang out with people who like to go out at night, if you hang out with people who, you know, every now and then like to go off the rails, they can get you some fucking coke.
00:20:46.000Most adults know how to get some coke.
00:21:36.000That's like the communication that you get when you're on mushrooms where you look at each other tripping your balls off and you're both laughing at the same thing without having to say a word.
00:21:45.000One of my favorite moments as an adult was you and I out in the desert with Jan Irvin when we were tripping balls the day the war started.
00:22:14.000You were always on the fucking cutting edge of the new gadgetry and technology.
00:22:19.000I had GPS back when it was a CD. It was a CD-ROM, or maybe it was a DVD. I think it was a CD-ROM. And you had to put the CD in the dash for each individual city.
00:23:04.000On my dash was like reading signals from a satellite that was telling to satellite exactly where I was at any point in time, and it was navigating me to my target.
00:23:14.000And I'm like, this is fucking amazing.
00:23:25.000And any time I get bored, I'll daydream about, like, what would George Washington think if he were transported from the future and sitting in this right now?
00:23:35.000At 60 miles an hour, would he be clutching the fucking dashboard?
00:24:42.000But if you're a guy who's working at a thing, you talk to a regular podcaster the same as they would talk to a Doug Stanhope.
00:24:50.000And for you, they should just give you some bullet points.
00:24:53.000If you have a good relationship with the person who does the ads, give me some bullet points, and I'll just tell you what I feel about this.
00:24:58.000They might also have figured out that I have three books on Audible, so I'm going to push them anyway.
00:25:04.000Well, there's maybe that, but I guarantee you it's whoever was writing the copy and people were just upset and they probably thought you were being an asshole.
00:25:13.000But really, what you're doing is genuinely promoting Audible to your people.
00:25:18.000And let's be honest, I'm not 100% behind some of the things I promote.
00:25:30.000I love that little, because it's so built into the phone, and you can just fucking, like today, I finished a book, and I'm like, what else?
00:25:37.000And I just instantly bang, and then I'm getting a book.
00:25:40.000I mean, it's so crazy that you can get an Audible book in like five seconds.
00:25:44.000In five seconds, you're listening to some book that some guy wrote for months and months at a time.
00:26:05.000Get to where you're a fucking junkie or something.
00:26:08.000Well, she grew up as her mother was becoming the most famous person in America.
00:26:14.000She spent between age 12 or 11 or 12 and 18 almost exclusively in mental institutions or those fucked up boot camps they send troubled teens to.
00:26:26.000And at one point she had been in some institution for I want to say a year plus.
00:26:31.000And she's like, why does everyone else get out and I don't get out?
00:26:34.000And they go, well, everyone else doesn't have a million dollar insurance policy like your mother has on you.
00:27:10.000This is probably a spot, but we're going to treat it like it's fucking stage 4 melanoma so we don't get sued if we're wrong and we're going to burn things off and send you over there for additional testings on this.
00:27:31.000Then we're going to actually send you through a series of tests about when I... It's no longer, just don't go like this.
00:27:39.000I always wonder about, like, if you see someone like you that smokes every day and is always drinking, but lives a relatively stress-free life for an entertainer and is always laughing.
00:28:13.000But my point is, when you look at that, and then you compare a lot of people who would live a lifestyle like yours, but they're angry all the time, and they're working all the time, and they're, you know, doing something that they hate for money,
00:28:29.000and they wind up with all these diseases.
00:29:00.000Nocebo effect is the opposite of a placebo effect, and it's real.
00:29:03.000It's a physical reaction that your body has if it thinks it's got something inside of it that's bad for it.
00:29:10.000Is that like when med students, they read too much about different diseases and then they think they have them all?
00:29:15.000No, that's maybe a little bit of hypochondria, but that's not what this is.
00:29:19.000What this is, is like, there's an example.
00:29:21.000There was a guy who was on a study for SSRIs, and somehow or another he fucked up, and he took the whole bottle of pills, and he freaked out, and he went to the emergency room.
00:29:32.000His heart rate was sky high, blood pressure was fucked.
00:29:36.000I mean, they're like, oh my god, this guy's like minutes away from dying.
00:29:54.000And so within minutes, heart rate down to normal, blood pressure normal, the guy's completely fine and he leaves.
00:30:01.000He freaked himself the fuck out because he knew that he was going to die in his mind because he had taken all these pills and there's no way that's good.
00:30:09.000I know a lot of comics where you go, it's stress.
00:30:24.000Stress is like at the end of like the alcohol and the cocaine and the fucking bad relationship and the divorce and the getting fired and all that other stuff.
00:30:34.000And then we put, you know, stress, bad diet, cigarettes.
00:32:56.000It talks about the camaraderie that men face in combat and that they go back to regular life and it's so...
00:33:03.000It's so dull and pale in comparison and the guys that I know that have served there's a good percentage of them who have experienced combat who they say some of their happiest moments of their life.
00:33:16.000And as crazy as that sounds like because they got through it but when they look back at it they talk about it they like the camaraderie that we have like as a team and some of the stuff they went through and the fact they thought they were doing it for a really good cause and that it was you know they were being heroes.
00:33:33.000And so there's like this heightened sense of existence.
00:33:35.000This is a weak example, and I'm not trying to liken one to the other, but when you look back at your comedy days where no one knew you and it was just fucking hell gigs, those are the most prominent memories you have of early comedy.
00:33:49.000Except you don't ever want to go back to those hell gigs.
00:33:51.000Those guys, a lot of them want to go back to combat.
00:33:53.000A lot of guys want to go back down late.
00:34:14.000Someone unearthed a gig of me three months into comedy, a video that's out on YouTube, and sporadically someone finds it and went, oh, Jesus, what the fuck is this?
00:34:24.000I remember when you had that beautiful hair.
00:34:57.000I remember because my first comedy competition was some nothing Las Vegas thing, but the winner got to actually work at a club on the Strip, which no local comic when I started in Vegas, for the listener, would ever touch.
00:35:16.000Not a leisure suit, but like a Don Johnson suit, and it was white jacket, white pants, and God knows what I wore for a shirt, and I failed miserably.
00:35:25.000The Cavarici pants, the last time I wore them on stage, I had one of the worst bombings of my life.
00:35:30.000I had one of those bombings that was, like, life-changing.
00:36:21.000I took all the advice from anyone I thought had a position of power, even if it's just because they booked the Tuesday mic at Phil's VIP lounge.
00:36:32.000Hey, you know, a professional comic, if you want to move on to the...
00:36:35.000And that's when I started wearing the suit coat with the sleeves rolled up and pleated pants.
00:42:00.000When they're coming to see Joe Rogan and not coming to see Comedy Night because they had a coupon, now you're like, oh fuck, I owe these people something because now I have a crowd and they saw this shit last year, I'm under the gun.
00:43:20.000But I went back to the comedy store to hang out, and the guy's like, I just have to tell you, When you were here, your fans are the fucking best fans.
00:43:30.000They tip well, they drink heavy, no one complains about anything.
00:44:48.000Like, people, when they tweet those old late-90 Laugh Stop Houston calendars that he used to have out coming this month, and it'd be fucking you, me, Hedberg, Louis C.K., fucking every comic that was...
00:46:17.000But the point is, the guy, like, you need a fucking crazy person to run a comedy club.
00:46:21.000I've always said this to these comics.
00:46:23.000I'm like, you know, don't think of yourself as having this animosity towards club owners because you need club owners.
00:46:29.000There's this thing that comics have in the beginning where they don't feel like they're getting paid what they deserve or they don't feel like they're getting booked as much as they should or...
00:46:36.000And they, you know, they can't get into place.
00:46:38.000And then when they finally do get into place, and then they finally start doing well, they never forgive club owners for the way club owners used to make them feel in the early days of the career.
00:46:48.000It's basically how ugly guys feel about hot women.
00:46:51.000They're just mad at the women because the women don't like them.
00:46:53.000But it had nothing to do with the women.
00:46:55.000The women aren't doing anything wrong.
00:47:00.000Like, we were all gross, and the club owners were like, look, we have a lot of fucking, you know, David Tell's coming, a lot of people who are good are coming, I don't need you.
00:47:07.000And that relationship, I was always telling these guys, like, you gotta have these people in your life.
00:47:17.000When you look back of all the teachers you had in all your public schooling, you can remember a couple that did stand out and some that were fucking wretched.
00:47:27.000And Mark Babbitt was the club owner that really gave a fuck.
00:48:48.000There's, like, because of COVID in particular, that forced a lot of people to decide what the fuck they really want to do.
00:48:54.000And a lot of people recognized that comedy was almost taken away from everybody.
00:48:58.000Because you couldn't do live comedy in a lot of places because of the regulations.
00:49:02.000Everybody was scared of COVID. And when that subsided and comedy shows started coming back, there's like a newfound enthusiasm because this thing that you love to do almost went away.
00:49:14.000I ran into a guy, a comic named Moe from Houston.
00:49:26.000I'm sitting out in front of the comedy store during the day because it's closed, but they leave all the stools and tables out in that front outdoor bar patio.
00:49:35.000So I can go from the hotel where I'm staying next door and sit and smoke and write alone during the day.
00:49:41.000And I see Chappelle and his entourage at that coffee shop directly across the street.
00:49:47.000And I can tell, at first I'm like, I think that's Chappelle.
00:49:51.000And then once he lit up a cigarette where anyone else couldn't be smoked, I'm like, yeah, it's Chappelle.
00:50:17.000So Moe, Chappelle left, but then Moe saw me and came across the street and he was talking about he's really trying to reopen the laugh stop in Houston.
00:50:47.000Oh, and there was another guy, this is how this slides into Brian Hersey, because I was asking him, there was a comic, and I don't think it was John McDowell, but someone with a name like that that's too common to remember, but killed himself, hung himself off the balcony after a gig at the laugh stop.
00:51:33.000Oh, so he had an incident in the hotel?
00:51:36.000Ralphie was not technically in a hotel, but he was doing a residency in Vegas, but they'd rented a house or something.
00:51:44.000I got corrected when I tweeted about this.
00:51:46.000I was trying to tally up You know, Ralphie was one of those ones where it's like, people are so different from just you and them interacting, having a conversation, to when they're untethered from other people.
00:52:00.000And that's the thing with a guy like Ralphie.
00:52:02.000It's like, if Ralphie could be the Ralphie that he was around his friends, I think you would have been happy and healthy.
00:52:09.000I ran into him maybe two years before he died in Nashville.
00:52:14.000I was working there and we went out for sushi and he was just like bitter like me and fuck this and fuck this business and everything not Ralphie.
00:52:25.000But Ralphie was kind of a sponge of the personalities around him.
00:54:28.000The problem is if you have a really good friend that's not funny, and they've been doing it for quite a few years, and they're fucking starving to death, and they want you to take them on the road, you're like, bro...
00:56:20.000I might be having a fucked-up memory about this, but I think it was at the House of Blues in Vegas, and people kept fucking yelling, I'm rich, bitch!
00:58:37.000We don't want to be fucked over by corrupt politicians.
00:58:40.000We all want that on right and left, right?
00:58:43.000And then the other things that we don't agree on, I guarantee you they're less important.
00:58:47.000The things we don't agree on, we can, like, figure out why we don't agree on, respectively, and I think you'll have more people coming towards the center and try to figure out some sort of workable solution.
00:58:57.000The problem is, we're so goddamn polarized in this country right now.
00:59:01.000Post-Trump, everybody's so fucking polarized, because that guy, like, pissed gasoline and lit it on fire on, like, half the fucking country.
00:59:10.000Half the country now is never Trumpers, and if you've got 30% that think he's Jesus and they want him to come back and resurrect the Constitution, and then you got everybody else, it's like, I don't have a fucking horse in this race.
00:59:21.000And so you got people like me that are like, what the fuck is going on?
00:59:36.000You have two completely polarized sides, and no one is being...
00:59:41.000In any way, compassionate or charitable about the other side's opinions.
00:59:46.000We're not meeting in the middle on all the shit that we all agree on.
00:59:49.000But for me, maybe it's because I've kind of checked out mentally, like, that's just too anxiety-ridden, and I know I'm not gonna fucking help by having an opinion.
01:00:20.000Okay, I know that's the war that took the COVID out of the top slot in the news after so many weeks in the Billboard fucking top 100. Yeah.
01:05:53.000I did a benefit show for the Humane Society in Tucson, and he came out for it, and we picked him up at the airport early, Bingo and I, and...
01:06:14.000But we went to breakfast at fucking Denny's right off the airport, and he, like, just sitting there in this very awkward silence, like, trying to...
01:06:23.000You could see both of our gears trying to drum up small talk, because this is not the happy...
01:06:39.000He went off his medication at one point in time and then I kind of understood what was going on.
01:06:44.000And one of his good friends reached out to me and said, be careful in how you engage with him because he's off his medication and we're trying to bring him back.
01:06:52.000And this is a good friend that I kind of sort of knew.
01:06:54.000So I knew that he was friends with Brody.
01:07:53.000And it's the first time I've seen him out of L.A. I've only seen him out of L.A. maybe once or twice at like Aspen Comedy Festival, but where he felt comfortable.
01:14:06.000Because I was in a sports bar in Philly when I was playing helium down there, and I was at a sports bar watching football, and there was this fucking arrogant blowhard who was just...
01:14:17.000He's talking over every TV in the sports bar.
01:14:20.000He was so loud and drunk, and he said kind of the joke, and then his buddy kind of filled it in, and I'm like, there's no way.
01:14:29.000That's a great joke for a stage, and you just happened upon it and didn't even know it was funny, and I'm stealing that.
01:14:35.000So, for the first several times, I would qualify with, I stole this from a loudmouth prick at the bar that didn't know it was funny, and then I added whatever I needed to, where I have a post-bucket list.
01:14:47.000When I die, I want my remains scattered in all these special places.
01:14:52.000On this stage, specifically, I want my remains scattered.
01:15:59.000He heard that we had, like, crossing subjects.
01:16:03.000Yeah, I had to call Bill Burr once, and I swear he actually said it on his podcast about NFL versus soccer or rugby, and they say, oh, football's pussies because they have to wear helmets,
01:16:19.000and we don't wear helmets in rugby, and...
01:16:22.000And I swear it was Bill Burr on a podcast that said, yeah, but you never hear about a fucking rugby player shooting himself in the heart so they can study his brain because he's fucking crazy at 40. I'm paraphrasing and doing a bad accent.
01:18:08.000Someone told me I could get pussy for a dollar in this town, and that was the mayor.
01:18:12.000Oh, the mayor wouldn't say that, so it's funny.
01:18:15.000I was reading this, listening to this audiobook, that I've read this book four or five times.
01:18:21.000It's The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.
01:18:23.000And I haven't picked it up in forever.
01:18:26.000I used to have a stack of them at my studio and I'd give them out to guests.
01:18:29.000And I was reading it, listening to it on an audiobook in the sauna today.
01:18:34.000And one of the things that he said, he said he was talking about how some people will say things because they think that other people want to hear that.
01:18:47.000That they think other people will think is funny rather than they think it's funny.
01:18:51.000He was talking about how this is a trap and that what you've got to do is say, just talk about it from your perspective and that'll resonate with other people and that's the only way you can do it.
01:19:01.000When I started comedy, I was writing things that I thought people would laugh at.
01:19:07.000I got to a point, and that was probably a change in my career, where the stuff I would laugh at hysterically with me and my friend back in the fucking apartment, I'd go, but you could never do that on stage.
01:19:21.000Well, if I'm laughing this hard, yeah, you should do that on stage.
01:19:54.000What comedy is, is like finding, like if you pay to, like anybody before Pryor, imagine Pryor's material delivered by anybody before Pryor.
01:23:14.000And I see this with a lot of comics that you've known over the years.
01:23:17.000When that was getting towards the best of that bit, by the time you recorded it, I remember three pieces that were left out that were just little tiny things that the general public, like, oh, he didn't say that thing.
01:23:33.000It's kind of like Sean Rouse's tsunami bit.
01:23:42.000With a big scab on his face on stage because the night before he had taken a header.
01:23:47.000He had done that so many times where he'd go on stage with a giant scab on his forehead or chin from when he had just fallen down blackout drunk the night before that he had regular bits to do about scabs.
01:24:34.000You know, he was a guy where I was like, man, there's people who have rheumatoid arthritis, like he had, that change a lot of things about their lifestyle and their diet, and they can mitigate some of the symptoms.
01:24:46.000But when I first met him, he was so fucked up.
01:24:50.000I remember thinking I don't even know if I should like tell him about this stuff because he first of all the guy like to drink every night Yeah as a part of who he was and because of the arthritis he was on so many meds yeah that already depleted his fucking liver just to keep him alive that he could have Two,
01:25:08.000three gin and tonics and go from normal to I'm biting people.
01:25:17.000That's the only thing that worked well.
01:25:18.000Tom Giannis, who was the head writer on The Man Show, right after it ended...
01:25:23.000No, I'm playing one of the buttfuck places like Fresno or Bakersfield, one of the Grapes of Wrath down circuit.
01:25:31.000And so, Shawnee, Tom Giannis rides his motorcycle up to watch the gig, and we're in some podunk saloon after the show, and Sean Rouse is fucking out of control, and he bites a lady.
01:32:36.000And then he read it, and he goes, I submitted myself for this part of your old comic friend, like, triple gig, road comic friend from 17 years ago.
01:35:04.000So, Bobcat had just gotten a hold of me, and I'm like, Bobcat can play this fucking part easily.
01:35:09.000Bobcat, I sent him, hey, this probably pays as little as legally as allowable.
01:35:18.000But it's two days of shooting, and he wrote back, if I had a nickel for every time I had to replace Michael Biehn in a motion picture, I'd love to do it.
01:36:11.000Willow Creek is the best Bigfoot movie that's ever been made.
01:36:15.000You think about a legend that everybody knows about.
01:36:17.000There's a giant hairy ape that lives in the woods in the Pacific Northwest and someone got it on film in 1969. Bobcat Goldwaite made the best version of that ever.
01:37:18.000I'm the fucking hero for calling Bobcat and getting him to agree after everyone's panicked that how are we going to recast this when we're shooting in four days?
01:44:48.000Last time you want to smoke DMT... My first time, like, alright, this sucks, and we're just getting through this, and then you want to smoke DMT, and then I go fucking into alternate realities, and then I come out of it 10 minutes later saying,
01:45:05.000I remember, I came out of it just saying, oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness, because I've just learned the fucking...
01:45:43.000I'm not even that big a Bill Hicks fan.
01:45:45.000You were just insecure because you had experienced death and you came back.
01:45:50.000When I would go outside to smoke cigarettes from the writer's room on the lot after that, for a week, I couldn't make direct eye contact with the giant dumpster-sized electrical generator because I thought I could make it blow up with my mind.
01:48:19.000But the dichotomy of having to go from that supernatural experience in 10 minutes and then go back to, oh wait, now we really have to try at finishing up these dumb monologues.
01:49:08.000Well, I'll tell you who I had to co-audition with.
01:49:10.000You couldn't do the man show until NBC gave you the out.
01:49:14.000So you were always on hold, on waivers.
01:49:18.000By the way, shout out to NBC for letting me fucking do that.
01:49:21.000I don't know why they even let me do that.
01:49:24.000I don't know why they let me do that, but the only way I would do it was with you.
01:49:28.000In the meantime, though, they had 10 comics that you had to audition with separately.
01:49:35.000Okay, you guys, now we're going to pair you and you up, and you write a monologue and then have one sketch prepared, and you do it in front of a fake audience of, like, 19 homeless people that we could lure in here for $5.
01:50:08.000And as we're going back to the room to try to write a monologue and a sketch, he just looked at me not pleasantly and said, I don't work well with other people.
01:50:18.000LAUGHTER And I'm like, this is going to be tough.
01:50:59.000When you had just gotten approved, if you hadn't gotten the okay from NBC, it was going to be either me and Dane Cook or me and Ralph Garman.
01:51:11.000And then you get the thing, you go, no, Stanhope or no one.
01:51:15.000Yeah, because they were like, they gave me like a whole list of people.
01:51:55.000I go, this is perfect, because I have so much obligations already with Fear Factor that I knew that Stan Hope would be able to take care of it.
01:52:01.000I'm trying to dig a layer deeper because we always talk Man Show stories and probably we always tell the same ones.
01:52:08.000The thing about what we did on the Man Show is if you could do that, both of us don't want to do that now, but if you could do that where no one would tell you what to do, where no one would tell you what's funny,
01:52:26.000Just leave the funny to the funny people.
01:52:28.000But the problem is, if I was running a fucking network, and I was running Comedy Central or NBC or anything, HBO Max, and a bunch of wild fucks like you and me were just gonna go crazy and say a bunch of nutty shit that's gonna get us sued and get us in trouble,
01:53:46.000Well, because I'm not going to burn a bit, because I just came from Key West, where every fucking bar you go past has a single-act guitar guy going, it's a marvelous night for a moon dance.
01:53:59.000And I'm like, finally, this is giving legs to that thought, and now that's these fucking notes on my hand.
01:54:26.000I'm going to die, and as I go through that same DMT experience, I'm going to realize all the shit I could have done on a smartphone, where I just quit at texting.
01:55:24.00055, and that means I get 10% off at Goodwill on Sundays and Mondays, and I can order off the senior menu at IHOP. And one day in August, you're going to appreciate these perks in life.
01:55:37.000Damn, I get some perks in just a few months?
01:55:40.000How weird is that that when we were kids, 55 was dead?
01:56:12.000The rule of 55, IRS provision that allows workers who leave their job for any reason to start taking penalty-free distributions from their current employer's retirement plan once they've reached 55. You might as well be explaining cryptocurrency to me.
01:58:30.000You know, the Papua New Guinea people are really interesting because there's a group called the Seaman Warriors of Papua New Guinea, and it's like a ritualistic...
01:59:32.000I'm just talking to all the hacks that are listening going, why didn't they go to the Catholic Church joke?
01:59:37.000In the first stages, a sharp stick of cane is inserted deeply into the young boy's nostrils until he bleeds profusely.
01:59:45.000Young boys are also introduced to older warriors who are told that bachelors are going to copulate with them to make them grow.
01:59:55.000Through most of the six stages, much rather, throughout much of the six stages, I'm so hammered right now, I'm just thinking that's a lot to type into a YouPorn search engine while you're reading.
02:01:02.000I think they were sticking sticks up dudes' noses to keep them uncomfortable so they would suck a dick.
02:01:09.000Additionally, the act of performing fellatio and the act of ingesting semen is seen as an integral part of manhood because boys are unable to mature into men unless they ingest semen and they adhere to the notion that all men have,
02:02:54.000We can't sell a fucking sex tape with this Jamie.
02:02:58.000Jamie Kennedy and Doug Stanhope, D-listers at best, but sucking each other's cause, they're going right up to a B. Jamie Kennedy, no jokes aside, had a great documentary about hecklers.
02:04:03.000The Impractical Jokers, I watched, now they're at 10 seasons, and I record, that's my only thing that I watch, DVR'd, that makes me laugh through a fucking Sunday marathon hangover.
02:05:23.000There was a time the fucking producers had to come to the writer's room, and they had to draw straws up at the production company to tell us, who's going to tell them you have to stop doing so much gay shit?
02:05:34.000You can't keep telling the audience they're gay.
02:05:40.000Jamie Kennedy had this thing where it was Girls Gone Wild was in its peak of stardom and these guys were gonna get famous and they were like whoa we got picked I can't believe this and Jamie Kennedy is like the host of Guys Gone Nuts and he starts explaining to these guys that they're gonna have to do gay stuff.
02:09:23.000They strapped him to a chair and then dump honey and salmon and Johnny Knoxville leaves the room and then a bear shows up and just get the shit out of him.
02:12:04.000It falls into the category where people say public speaking is the number one fear Well, did you measure that versus I might have my balls eaten by a lion?
02:15:29.000Sean Rouse goes directly with his eyes closed to the wrong side of the room and starts to piss on the air conditioning unit.
02:15:37.000And Chaley, the best tour manager ever, gets up and grabs the empty pizza box and puts it in front of his stream of piss as he tries to walk him towards the toilet.
02:17:56.000And it ends with my wife going into a coma that she might not live through, and I said, fuck it, I'm still going to do that end of the world thing.
02:20:25.000Like, I worked with him once and I had his phone number and you called everyone in my phone list to come to this party and I was as surprised as anyone that he was there.
02:21:10.000But he was so composed for someone who was that young.
02:21:15.000Then I hung out with him in Montreal a few years later, like maybe two or three years later, maybe he's like 21, and he did street comedy.
02:21:24.000We took off his hat and he said he put his hat on the ground and he did comedy for like just random people on the street and they put money in his hat.
02:21:33.000I really love that guy and what he was doing during COVID we could have done in Bisbee.
02:28:50.000Actually, when I came back from 18 months off, you never quit.
02:28:57.000You were still doing shows here and again, even secret shows.
02:29:01.000I did not do a show, and one of the bits for the first couple months The first few shows I do where no one can hear you die, Mountain Time Zone, Flagstaff, Salt Lake, Wyoming, Montana.
02:29:18.000Yeah, where they're just happy that anyone ever came, COVID or not.
02:29:22.000And I did have a bit that I used you as an example about having...
02:29:28.000We're all fighting for the minds of the stupid.
02:30:11.000They know that it's not going to last.
02:30:13.000No matter what anybody says, and I don't care if you wear a bow tie, if you wear fucking shiny shoes, if you drive a Tesla, it's going to end.
02:30:20.000It's going to end and you're going to die and you're going to rot and worms are going to eat your body and bacteria is going to take over your organism.
02:30:52.000It's life and death and the only thing that's good is what feels good when you're a happy person and your friends are happy and you're enjoying life.
02:31:01.000And you just hope you can spread that energy out to other people so that when you pass, they spread it further.
02:31:09.000And when they pass, they spread it to other people and all of us can elevate together.
02:34:28.000And then once I got a living and I got okay, now I want to know what do I think?
02:34:33.000I remember when you once told me, and it's vivid, yeah, well Bill Hicks would read Noam Chomsky and then put a dick joke into it and say it on stage.
02:35:26.000And you just, you listen to his lectures and you're, like, I heard Terrence McKenna, what he said when I first did DMT. I literally heard the words he said.
02:35:36.000He said, do not give in to astonishment.
02:35:38.000I heard that from, like, whatever the fuck the entities were.
02:37:05.000That guy's the first guy that ever had whatever it was, whether it was heroin or just indignance, he just decided he wasn't buying into the cultural narrative.
02:39:08.000Like, you can take an angle, and I kind of understand your angle.
02:39:12.000If I was you, and I was living in your life, and I was watching this person is getting an undue, and if there's anybody that gets an undue amount of attention, it's fucking me.
02:41:06.000You had just heard it, so I wrote it down, and by a week later when I actually searched it, it had been debunked, and then that was before QAnon was a thing.
02:41:16.000You're confusing me with somebody, for sure.
02:42:23.000Where you made me watch a four-hour VHS... A funny thing happened on the way to the moon.
02:42:30.000This is 90s, but you're like, you gotta watch this.
02:42:33.000And it's a double-decker VHS I rented, and I watched both two-hour episodes, and then it was at the beginning of Google or Ask Jeeves, where I went, debunk...
02:42:49.000And now I've spent 12 hours thinking that the moon landing is fake and then I realized I don't give a fuck if anyone went to the moon.
02:43:27.000Like, if you look at the science behind it, it seems like they landed on the moon.
02:43:30.000The problem is when someone lies about anything, it leads you to believe they're lying about everything.
02:43:36.000If someone treats, like, if you look at the time, which, like, this was all going on, like, when Kennedy was president, they had proposed the Operation Northwoods, where they were going to blow up That's always been my fallback.
02:44:33.000It's hard to know what's real if you just accept that the government is being honest because they've been dishonest about so many things.
02:44:43.000And if you either want to believe the government 100% about everything and think they have your best interests at heart, which is, you know, that's a good position.
02:44:52.000You want to live your life and have no worries and hopefully everybody will work it out.
02:44:57.000Or you want to admit that money changes everything.
02:45:00.000Money influences the way people decide things.
02:45:05.000Hard to argue with the idea that power influences, literally influences the way people project the world onto other folks.
02:45:15.000Influences in terms of people that are paying you for things or influences in terms of relationships you have with entities that have extreme power.
02:45:25.000You can't just assume that all the things you've been told are accurate because they're just not.
02:45:32.000If you go back throughout history, like you go back and lead Schmedley Butler's War is Just a Racket.
02:45:38.000Let me just plug Lies My Teacher Told Me by Lowen.
02:45:41.000It's an old one, still holds up, and you are being lied to, which is a compendium.
02:49:19.000When I take a Cerequil, I told you, I took a Cerequil, which I don't take and I don't recommend, but if you want to sleep for 14 hours, it's a heavy, psychotic, anti-anxiety downer.
02:49:32.000It's like lithium, whatever fucking Jack Nicholson was on in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Test.
02:49:38.000It's like, okay, I have one night, I can sleep like a fucking baby.
02:49:44.000And that's when I woke up and everyone was at the one bar I walked into just trying to find some breakfast.
02:50:21.000Do you see the controversy where Elon said that more people that he knows have had better success with psychedelics than they had with SSRIs?
02:53:22.000When he told me about Epstein's Island, I was like, that is the craziest thing I've ever heard, where a bunch of really rich, influential people and politicians and world leaders go to fuck underage girls.
02:54:42.000He has a lot of really weird, influential people who contact him about weird information about shit that turns out to be fucking accurate, man.
02:54:50.000At what point are we responsible for misinformation?
02:55:06.000We might be right, we might not be right, but we're not saying...
02:55:09.000Look, if you say, in order to be a comic...
02:55:13.000It takes a long time and a lot of work, and it's a lot of effort, and you've got to go on the road, you've got to experience different kind of crowds.
02:55:19.000That's accurate and comes from a place of experience.
02:55:22.000If you want to start talking about fucking Bohemian Grove, you've never been there.
02:56:08.000If you want to say I shouldn't talk about this because I don't have a degree in that, or I don't know, or too many people are listening, that's nonsense.
02:56:15.000I'm not saying that I'm the fucking end-all be-all end of information here.
02:56:22.000Cuckold is a word that I knew from porn.
03:05:13.000When I showed up here, still not knowing what we're doing, after I asked you for details of where's and when's and what's, and I got fucking radio silence.
03:07:10.000Well, it's like my thing to her that I said to her when she first came on the show, I said, I think you're one of the greatest comics of all time.
03:07:19.000And also I know what happened to you and what people don't know about Roseanne Barr is that Roseanne Barr was hit by a car when she was 15 and she was put in a mental institution for nine months.
03:07:30.000She had a severe brain injury and so the benefits of her chaos Where Roseanne, the television show, her HBO specials, her amazing stand-up, is this wild, creative, unhinged person.
03:07:46.000But the reason for that was because of a traumatic brain injury.
03:07:51.000And I love her as a comic, and I love her as a person, and I love her as what she did for comedy.
03:07:57.000She's one of the best comics of all time.
03:07:59.000She's one of the best women comics that's ever lived.
03:08:02.000Top 20 comedians that have ever lived, you put Roseanne in there because she was a monster in her prime.
03:09:22.000So I would introduce her saying, a lot of people call her the next Roseanne Barr, and I would bring her up to do 10 to 15. Then I go, we have a special guest who's a local act, and we can all take a little bit of time to support a local act that's from here.
03:10:00.000And crush and she so now she's she's just signed on to do of some Fox has a like a Paramount Plus or a whatever plus a streaming service I'll never figure out but she just and she's like hey I just signed a thing to do this in September and I need help from working on a new act and And I talk to her for,
03:14:21.000But this was for the book, and I knew it would be so hard for me to watch.
03:14:29.000That's where I think my wife might die, but I'm not going to cancel End of the World Trump Election podcast, because I put it together, and I called you, and I go...
03:14:41.000Before Bingo was in a coma, I called you, I go, I don't think, and you go, no, fuck that!
03:15:19.000And we were in a situation where you had an opportunity to do this thing, and I was like, let's just do this thing.
03:15:24.000It's like, if you don't want to do it, I understand, but I think it would be good.
03:15:27.000It was brilliant, but not because of me.
03:15:29.000You guys, you and Bill Burr carried that.
03:15:32.000Well, I had to leave because I did a set in the OR, and I found out that Sarah Tiana and Bill Burr got in a tremendous argument, and I wish that I had the courage to go back and listen to the podcast and find that.
03:17:41.000If it's not out, and now it's my fault, because I have to just fix two sentences in the introduction of the physical copy, because it's only been out on Audible for fucking a year and a half.
03:17:57.000Now, well, just write a short introduction.
03:23:22.000But shout out to all the people that are out there managing social media, trying to deal with all the fucking armies of people putting content up 24-7.