In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience, Joe and Bert talk about golf, cars, and other random stuff. Also, we have a special guest on the pod, Steve-O Diaz. Joe is a pro-level golfer, but he's not playing from the tips so he doesn't have a problem with playing with other people. We talk about how he got into golf, and we talk about cars. We also talk about the time Bert almost got into a fight with a drunk guy in a Corvette, and how he almost got in a fight at a red light with Tony Hinchcliffe. We also get into a crazy story about a guy who got into an argument with a woman at a car dealership, and Joe talks about a car he's been in a car accident with, and it's not a good one. Joe also talks about what he would like to have as a car, and what he'd like to do with one of his old cars. And he talks about the idea of turning a van into a mobile studio. . . . and much more. Enjoy! -Joe Rogan Podcast by Night! -JOE ROGAN Experience by Day! -All Day All Night! -The Joe Rogans Experience by Night Podcast by Day -By Night, All Day All Day! by Night, by Day, by Night. - By Night, By Day, By Night! All Day by Day... by Night? - by Day - By Day... By Day! , All Day, by Night... By Night by Day? By Night by Night - All Day By Day? by Night?! , By Night? by Day by Night ? All Day? By Day?! , by Day ? , Night? By Night ? By Day?? , By Day ? By Night?! by Night?? (By Day? All Day ? , ? by Novem ? by Day , By Day ! , Day, Day ? by Night , Day, Night, Day? , Day , Day? ? ? , Day ? ? Day , , Evening, Day, Evening? , & Evening ? - Day, Morning, , Morning, Day , Evening? , & Evening, Morning , After Day ? . & After Day ... , and Evening ? , Morning
00:01:43.000But like I said, one time I told someone it was AMG, because the wheels say AMG, and then they were like, and I fucked up, and it turned into a drunk fight.
00:01:54.000Like, bitch, you didn't get an AMG, and I was like, yeah, I think I did.
00:01:56.000I don't know what it says AMG. I don't know what the fuck I have.
00:03:53.000I watched his special that he made, and he mixed in actual, like, his own written jackass-style stunts into his thing, into his stand-up, and, like, there's, like, parts where it goes back and forth, and he does some of the funniest jackass-style stunts I've ever seen.
00:04:11.000He does this one where he's bicycling around like an actual pro-bicyclist.
00:04:17.000But instead of wearing the tight black shorts, he just painted his entire, like, penis and balls and up to his knees blatantly black.
00:04:45.000And he's got his special, but his special, he's also got these great clips.
00:04:49.000He's got a clip, he tells a story on stage about swallowing an ounce of marijuana in Europe, and it getting stuck in his throat, and then him having to go into the, I'm not gonna tell his own story, it's his special, but he's got some fucking crazy stories.
00:05:04.000And I'm sitting there watching it going like, Really thinking, I should have done this.
00:05:09.000Why didn't I do this for Travel Channel?
00:05:11.000I have great stories at Travel Channel.
00:06:15.000You look at some of the gossip going around and you're like, I'm gonna need half a day to sit and watch four podcasts to figure out what's going on.
00:07:57.000Is the whole reason this is happening, correct?
00:07:59.000He is suing her for defamation because she wrote a whole article saying that he beat her and she kept coming out and saying she's a victim of domestic abuse.
00:08:42.000I wanted him to clear my name and to leave me alone.
00:08:46.000I've been saying that since 2016. So why did you donate 3.5 to Children's Hospital and 3.5 to ACLU? Well, I pledged the first half or 3.5 to...
00:10:24.000And in fact, your exact words were, quote, $7 million in total was donated to, I split it between the ACLU and the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, end quote.
00:12:51.000My interest is in my name and clearing my name and At the time, I was being called a liar and my motives were being questioned.
00:12:59.000I did see it as important to clear that up.
00:13:03.000I wanted to make a statement to make sure that there was not any doubt that I couldn't be labeled these things just because Johnny was a bigger star and had more publicity.
00:16:12.000And when I'm not drunk, I get tripped up.
00:16:14.000By the way, if I had a lawyer that could pull up shit I've said on podcasts, if it's like one time you were on Two Bears, One Cave, you said you caught a rattlesnake when you were a child, and I was like, okay, alright, hold on.
00:16:39.000She's fucked because here's the problem.
00:16:41.000I've seen this happen with other people.
00:16:44.000When they get famous, they think because they got famous and they did that magic trick that they're one of the smartest people in the world.
00:16:50.000I've seen that happen to people where you go, you still aren't smart.
00:16:57.000And that's what's wrong is Amber Heard actually believes she's a really brilliant person.
00:17:03.000So she thinks she's smarter than everyone in that room, not realizing that the fucking eight that's running the cross-direct, you know, Amber Heard's a ten, that eight is a smart motherfucker.
00:17:18.000It's like you can be smart as fuck, but if you are on the witness stand and you're talking about something that is as clear as you had money, you didn't donate the money, you said you donated the money, but it's not true.
00:17:29.000And your workaround is, I pledge the money.
00:17:32.000And she's doing this, I pledge the money.
00:17:51.000She lives in a fucking make-believe world.
00:17:53.000She beat the fuck out of Johnny Depp, and then thought, I'm so smart with what's going on in this world, I'm gonna throw him under the bus, they're not even gonna ask a question.
00:18:01.000And then I can do Aquaman 2. And now she has fucked up her career.
00:18:07.000When she could've just been, yeah, it didn't work, a score of separate ways.
00:18:11.000Right, and she would've still had a great career.
00:18:28.000Yeah, but she didn't think she was gonna.
00:18:30.000She thought with the way the public treats women in divorce settlements, if you say that the man was abusive and you say that the man beat you and It's so crazy, man.
00:18:43.000It's so crazy to watch, but this is probably the first public thing where a guy who's a famous guy and a girl who's a famous girl are in a spat and the guy's winning.
00:19:21.000Yeah, he was released because, I think if I remember it correctly, the statement that he made, there was some sort of a settlement that he had, and part of the settlement was he would give this woman the money and he would make these statements,
00:19:38.000but the statements could not be used against him.
00:19:54.000So the district attorney in Montgomery, Pennsylvania, outside Philadelphia, issued a news release saying that he had declined to charge Mr. Cosby over the matter.
00:20:03.000Mr. Cosby then sat for depositions in a separate lawsuit against him by Ms. Constand, where he paid her $3.38 million to settle in 2006. But a subsequent district attorney reversed Mr. Castor's decision and charged the entertainer with assaulting Ms. Constand after all.
00:20:23.000In the trial, prosecutors used what Mr. Cosby had said in the deposition, his admission that in decades past he had given quaaludes to women in an effort to have sex with them as evidence against him.
00:20:37.000So we hold that when a prosecutor makes an unconditional promise of non-prosecution and when the defendant relies upon that guarantee to the detriment of his constitutional right not to testify, the principle of fundamental fairness that undergrids, that due process,
00:20:53.000undergirds rather, due pro- I don't even know what that word is.
00:21:12.000I think it's like O.J. We were talking about this last night, that if you talk to O.J., I came home, and I went to the airport, just like normal.
00:26:26.000And that's how, and then I think, that was the first time that America was like, I think was like, had an open, honest conversation about slavery.
00:26:39.000And that was probably one of the first times where reparations was brought up.
00:26:42.000Yeah, that was probably one first because there's There's companies that to this day in their original origin like when they were around during slavery and they had slaves They profited off of slaves and they're still around those companies made a profit That was the foundation of the business that they enjoyed today and it came from slavery if anybody Should pay reparations.
00:30:13.000There's a lot of shit that's whitewashed about history that you find out later and you're like, how am I just learning now that Columbus was a cunt?
00:30:56.000Something about Portuguese people, and I listened to it on tape, and they would come down the coast of Africa to trade, and they'd say, tell the king to send out his daughter.
00:32:08.000Spain's got to go through a fucking peninsula and then like Portugal had the best fucking land.
00:32:15.000I think Google that in Brazil they speak Portuguese because of the slave trade.
00:32:22.000As a result, Portuguese is now the official language of several independent countries and regions.
00:32:27.000Angola, Brazil, Cape Verde, East Timor, Guinea-Bissau, Macau, Mozambique, Portugal and Sao Tome and Principe.
00:32:39.000Portuguese ranked fifth amongst world languages in a number of native speakers is also widely spoken or studied as a second language in many other countries.
00:32:48.000Portugal created the first and longest-lived modern world colonial and commercial empire in the 1400s.
00:34:46.000That's what it looked like when they got it.
00:34:47.000And they had to take all these layers of shitty paint off, and in the process, the art investigators, or whoever it would be, determined that there's a high probability that this is a Leonardo da Vinci.
00:35:03.000Since then, it's gone into a lot of dispute and there's objective Art analysts that do not believe that this is a lost Leonardo da Vinci, and then there's other ones that may be connected to it that do believe it.
00:35:16.000The problem is the amount of money to be made off of Leonardo da Vinci was absurd.
00:35:22.000So there's a certain amount of incentive For them to say that it was Leonardo da Vinci.
00:35:27.000And I don't think it was substantiated before the auction.
00:35:29.000So it was sold to the highest bidder, which was $450 million.
00:35:34.000And then it came out, like over time, what the process was.
00:35:38.000And The Lost Leonardo is a documentary that I saw.
00:35:42.000And it is fucking wild to see what happened.
00:35:45.000It's essentially like they all were like, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, let's sell this thing as Leonardo.
00:35:50.000And let's sell this thing after this lady essentially repainted the whole thing.
00:36:07.000It's a beautiful painting, but it's really this woman who's an expert painter painting over this really old paint with new paint, and they're selling it like an old painting.
00:36:19.000Like, that's not really an old- you painted on an old painting, but it's not an old painting.
00:38:58.000Yeah, I think a lot of people weren't emailing in 97. Yeah, I remember I got an email address and they were like, I got the internet, I had Prodigy, and all I could use it for was to get the lines for the sports scores.
00:39:11.000And then check the weather, but I was like, I can just go outside.
00:40:47.000And then one day, that was at summer school, and then people that knew him showed up to college, and were like, oh, don't believe a word he says.
00:45:20.000When you're serving food, it's like, I mean, it's convenient if you want to just eat something, but really it should be like two separate things.
00:45:26.000There's a restaurant next door, you eat at the restaurant, then you go in and watch the show, and you don't eat food in front of you.
00:45:31.000You know, but, yeah, I was broke as fuck, man.
00:45:34.000How are you going to give that to your kids?
00:45:40.000Their life is the life of somebody who went through that.
00:45:43.000There's no way you can change that unless you want to, like, subject your kids to abject poverty and, like, abandon them somewhere and treat them like shit.
00:45:49.000They should have, like, an escape room for that for rich people.
00:47:03.000Louis C.K. knows a shitload about U.S. presidents.
00:47:06.000So much that Sagar and Jetty from Breaking Points did a whole thing on it about how knowledgeable Louis C.K. is about U.S. history, that he's more knowledgeable than him.
00:47:17.000And Sagar knows I mean, he knows everything about politics.
00:47:21.000He's like the most knowledgeable political guy, or one of, that I know.
00:47:25.000So they hear him say that, that Louis C.K. knew shit that he didn't even know.
00:47:30.000Yeah, he's like done deep dives on US presidents.
00:48:44.000He's fun, and he's a good comic, meaning he watches you, he talks to you about what you're doing, and he gives you good, like, hey, I like what you're doing with this.
00:48:56.000Louis came and did a show, was doing a show at a theater next to me, and I texted him, and I was like, hey, I'm at the theater next to you.
00:49:20.000I didn't realize he was saying, are you sure about that?
00:49:24.000Because he's like, you want me to go in front of you and then you're going to have a fucking pretty big hole to dig out because I'm Louie fucking CK. And he murdered with 10 minutes of pedophile jokes.
00:49:35.000And I got on stage and I could not, I was like struggling.
00:50:42.000I was like, can we have an intermission?
00:50:44.000And so I was like, fuck it, add as many comics as we can, and we'll just go one chunk, intermission, another chunk, and it's going to be hard because you've got murderers top to bottom.
00:50:57.000Well, that was the thing with Oddball, right?
00:50:59.000Because there was a lot of guys that didn't even like each other.
00:52:25.000I mean, I remember having those conversations with you, like, you shouldn't be doing this.
00:52:28.000You know, it's short-term money with no end.
00:52:31.000There's no, like, goal that you could reach where it's worth it.
00:52:36.000It's like you're always gonna be working for somebody, you're always gonna be doing something other than stand-up comedy, and you're gonna be trapped.
00:56:23.000As long as I know I have material before, material afterwards, and I dig myself out, I'll just go, let's see what we got out of here.
00:56:29.000You never know because you're in that weird performing mindset and you can't recreate that.
00:56:33.000You can't recreate the feeling of all these people watching you and you being back up against the wall, pressure, and you're thinking on the fly.
00:57:11.000Like there's been times that I've had an idea in the day and I sit down and I write it out and then I maybe write it on a piece of paper and I've gone on stage and it murders and it is the wildest feeling.
00:57:22.000It's like it's so much better than any I have bits that I get I know I'm gonna hit them and it's gonna be boom I know where the punchlines are but then there's stuff like that that it's just like it's like a gift from the universe it didn't exist before and now you have it and Now you go up and do it the first time you ever kill the joke is the greatest feeling in comedy It's because you're laughing at it.
00:57:45.000You're you're you know, it's funny to you It's like you're just hearing it You know, you're hearing it out loud for the first time, really.
00:57:54.000Because when you come up with an idea, it's in your head, and you're like, oh, how do I phrase it?
00:57:58.000And then you write it out, or maybe you say it to somebody, and you go, tell me what you think about this.
00:58:03.000But when you go on stage with it, and it murders for the first time, that's the first time the audience is hearing it.
00:58:08.000It's the first time you're really performing it, and you'll think it's funny.
00:58:12.000So it has this extra crackle because they know you're laughing too.
00:58:16.000There's nothing worse than the fake laugh.
00:59:21.000Have you ever done a table read and they do the fake laugh?
00:59:24.000Yeah, the worst or run through and all the writers laugh really loud at the bits that they wrote Like they're trying to like give you support so they're laughing along with it in a supportive weird way You can tell who writes the joke based on who's laughing.
00:59:40.000Yes in a hundred percent without a doubt and it's one of the things like That made me hate writer's rooms.
01:01:50.000He knows a lot of shit about, like, old Hollywood and movies.
01:01:55.000But when I watch her show, I'm like, this is a good fucking show.
01:01:59.000It's good that it's on a streaming platform, too, because it'll show that it grows there, and it'll get a chance to take legs, but that could be anywhere.
01:02:08.000As a matter of fact, I think it might be somewhere else.
01:03:12.000I think that's how they describe the order.
01:03:14.000Whatever it was when they were reading off like that was her insult about this person that Please he's the fourth lead on some sitcom like they don't even read his name first They read his name fourth.
01:03:30.000Yeah, she's not working It's probably working as a waitress But her insult was that there was this person and they don't read his name quick enough when they read the names out for the stories So there's this whole weird social hierarchy to the show It wasn't like, everybody's name on the show,
01:03:46.000Tony Hinchcliffe, Bert Kreischer, Joe Rogan, all together.
01:05:10.000Even though people love you, you go out and kill, and you're like, I feel like an imposter.
01:05:13.000Because it's so strange, it's a new identity, and that new identity is very difficult for you to relate to, because it's not most of your life.
01:05:22.000Most of your life is Tony Hinchcliffe, regular guy from Columbus, Ohio, and all of a sudden it's Tony Hinchcliffe, you know, successful comic, and you're touring and you're killing everywhere, and you go on stage and they're cheering, like, you feel like an imposter.
01:05:48.000But some of them are just complete insane people that know how to manipulate and play this game and they get deeply embedded into the Hollywood system.
01:05:56.000They become friends with casting agents and producers and executives.
01:06:42.000That is also what happens in show business because the kind of person that wants an exorbitant amount of attention oftentimes has an exorbitant amount of damage in their life.
01:06:52.000So then, I wanted to be like those people so bad when I got to Hollywood.
01:06:57.000Like, be someone who knew a casting director's name, or like knew anyone, or went to the parties.
01:07:03.000I wanted to be like that so bad, and I just couldn't help but be me, and who I am is not very conducive to those moments.
01:07:11.000Well, you know, back then, they didn't know that you being you was an actual business model.
01:08:34.000I was like, how did you know it was me?
01:08:36.000Yeah, people that get upset that you take a shit, like, what are you living in some weird little kid world where you pretend people don't shit?
01:09:45.000James Brown got arrested because he was in a gunfight with the police because he pulled a shotgun out on some dude who was using his bathroom.
01:10:06.000On this day, December 15, 1988, James Brown began serving six-year sentence for carrying a deadly weapon at a public gathering, attempting to flee police, and driving under the influence of drugs.
01:10:16.000As reported in his 2006 New York Times obituary, rumors of a PCP habit had already surfaced by the time his erratic behavior came to a head in September when he reportedly stormed into the insurance company next to his office waving a shotgun and complaining that strangers were using his bathroom.
01:14:44.000If I was some gangster Hollywood executive type guy, and I was like, listen, listen, listen, listen, we can pay this Peter Parker 20 million bucks a film, or we can pay this guy 100,000 and make him a star.
01:14:57.000We sign him to a three-picture deal where he gets the same amount of money per movie, and at the end of that, we go, hey, we got this new guy named Tom Holland, and we really think he's going to be good at the role, and we're going to just start the fucking movie from the beginning.
01:15:08.000They tell the whole story again, just slightly different.
01:15:12.000He gets bit by a spider, becomes Spider-Man.
01:15:14.000How many fucking times are they going to tell us the same story that we have seen over and over and over again?
01:15:19.000Well, they've done it already like three or four times with different Peter Parkers.
01:15:57.000But Sony owns the rights in film form?
01:15:59.000Right, so when they were going to make The Avengers, they made a trade, sort of like a sports trade, where they're like, we'll let you borrow Spider-Man for a few movies, and you'll let us do this.
01:16:11.000I forget what they gave them in exchange.
01:16:12.000So that's why that last movie was such a big blowout.
01:17:04.000And that this is one Spider-Man, there's another Spider-Man in another universe, and that, you know, you can kind of, people could travel back and forth through universes.
01:17:12.000That was the first time they had really implemented that.
01:17:15.000They just updated it with the new Doctor Strange movie.
01:17:17.000Yeah, so everything is multiverse now.
01:17:19.000It's really interesting because what it does is, as a tool, as a writer, and as a tool for the people that are creating the film, it allows you to, there's no timeline is locked in.
01:18:40.000You know, that was the theory that Terrence McKenna had to the thing that's going to change the universe, is that one day someone's going to invent a time machine, and that when they invent a time machine, all time ceases to become linear.
01:18:53.000So you think if you have a time machine, well, oh, I'll just go back to the time where they were making the pyramids, and I'll watch them do it.
01:18:59.000What he was saying, you can't travel where there are no roads.
01:19:03.000So once a road gets built, then you can travel.
01:19:07.000So once a time machine gets invented, then anyone from the invention of the time machine forward to forever can come back to that moment and can go to any point in time from that moment to the end of time.
01:19:32.000So people can travel back and forth through time.
01:19:35.000You can never own anything because someone could just travel through time and take it away from you when you weren't looking.
01:19:39.000Like, as time travel gets more and more sophisticated, you can go back and forth in time while you're talking to people.
01:19:46.000If you don't like what you said, you could rewind and start all over again.
01:19:49.000If you're in an argument with your wife, you can go to the library and get information and come back and go, actually, Herodotus once said, and then bam, your wife thinks you're the smartest guy in the world.
01:20:00.000But there would be no normal life anymore.
01:20:04.000The world itself would be completely unrecognizable because time would mean nothing.
01:20:10.000You'd be able to travel back and forth through time.
01:20:14.000Alright, so then, where would you go right now?
01:20:20.000We can time travel right now, go back in the past.
01:20:23.000What's one thing you'd like to see again?
01:20:25.000See, that would be a different kind of time travel.
01:20:26.000That's an unrealistic theatrical version of time travel, because like you said, once time is invented, once time travel is invented, that's the time you can start traveling.
01:23:11.000Yeah, so this guy has become obsessed and has been working on it for decades and they think they have a working model of you know like at least a theoretical model of a time machine, but it just requires like the power of the Sun.
01:23:28.000I think there's a guy from I think the early 19th century, Kurt Godel, he wasn't from the early 19th century, early 20th century, and he had a working model of a time machine too, but it involved something as large as like the solar system.
01:23:45.000Like you needed a machine the size of a solar system or something, something crazy.
01:23:51.000Kirk Godel, in 1949, found a solution to the field equations of general relativity which described a space-time with some unusual properties.
01:23:59.000This Godel universe permitted closed time-like curves, hence a kind of time travel, and it did not admit decomposition into the successive moments of time.
01:24:54.000Do you think that they'll be able to take, I don't know if we have to go to computer modeling, but take the data of this video, for instance, where these kids are in 1901, and put that into virtual reality where you could then insert yourself to be in there.
01:25:09.000You can't affect anything, but you could at least experience and hear what it's like.
01:25:13.000Yeah, but you probably get an interpretation of it.
01:25:15.000Like, say if they wanted to do that today and they had this unbelievable ability to create people and images and places, and they decided to show you the construction of the pyramids, they would just be guessing.
01:25:26.000It's one of the most amazing things about the world that we live in today, that we just accept the fact that there's immense stone structures that are thousands and thousands of years old, that were perfectly constructed, that we can't replicate today.
01:28:15.000I just, whatever reason, I tapped out after season one, but it was really good.
01:28:20.000It's an interesting concept because it was based on that Yul Brynner movie from a long time ago where people wanted to live out a life of adventure and gonna go and shoot these robots, but the robots sort of rewire themselves or something, and then they actually come after you.
01:28:34.000They come after you back like you can't win.
01:28:42.000Some of them didn't even know they were robots.
01:28:44.000So someone could create a robot universe for you to go in on weekends and play in, right?
01:28:50.000I think that's one of the lessons of that show is that it turned people into sociopaths.
01:28:55.000They wanted to go and shoot people and kill people.
01:28:57.000Yeah, but where would you want to go live out?
01:28:59.000Like, if you could pick a time period where you could just go in and, like, be in an old Western, be in the Gunslingers, or go in the Samurai Days.
01:29:06.000Or, like, Genghis Khan and fucking shooting.
01:29:09.000I don't think I'd be interested in going into a fake Genghis Khan day.
01:29:14.000Because it was, first of all, you wouldn't see the real chaos.
01:30:29.000Yeah, but they didn't know any better.
01:30:31.000I don't think they understood what Genghis Khan had done.
01:30:33.000When you hear about Genghis Khan now, there's enough from Dan Carlin, I think, that's changed a lot of people's understanding of Genghis Khan.
01:30:41.000I should say Genghis, because that's how he says it, and that's how you're really supposed to say it.
01:30:45.000But that guy was responsible for 10% of the world's population being murdered during his life.
01:31:11.000They would show up in, like, Jin, China.
01:31:14.000There was the Khwarizmian Shah had sent these emissaries to go visit Jin, China.
01:31:20.000And as these guys are getting closer to the city, they think they're looking at a snow-capped mountain in the distance.
01:31:26.000And as they get closer, they realize it's a pile of bones.
01:31:30.000They killed a million people and stacked them on top of each other.
01:31:34.000And they had abandoned the roads because the roads were so caked with human fat that the decaying bodies had made the roads mud and it was untravelable.
01:31:51.000Now, when you think about horrific things that Washington had done, right, or the people, and then you go back further, like a thousand years further, you realize, like, people just get worse and worse and worse the further you go back.
01:32:04.000Like, the further you go back in history, the more and more horrific people, like, and what they're capable of.
01:32:47.000And you just look and like, killed, one of his friends tried to kill Peter the Great, and then Peter the Great just killed all his chefs and was like, I'll just hang them all up in the, like the callousness of which people act, behaved.
01:33:01.000So someone tried to kill him with poisoned food?
01:33:30.000You think that that is how people behaved that's like what 1800 so that's like I Mean when when did people start getting nicer?
01:33:39.000I mean this was like recent once like people could share information That's really yeah, but in the 70s and the 60s people well They were way more brutal then than they are now do mississippi burnin mississippi burnin I mean that's insane to me that that A cop would pull over three people that are protesters or whatever.
01:34:03.000They're trying to get their voting rights or whatever.
01:34:06.000And then they'd murder them and they'd be like, well, let's put them in that big ditch.
01:34:46.000And then maybe like a couple months before, there had been a lynching of a white man who got arrested for something.
01:34:52.000So they just pretty much assumed, well, let's go lynch this guy.
01:34:55.000Well, the black community found out about it and took up arms.
01:34:58.000And now the problem was the affluent in Greenwood district in Tulsa, the black community had made good money.
01:35:06.000They were really kind of like progressing and there was a lot of resentment within Tulsa of this community that was progressing.
01:35:13.000So they grab arms, they go to surround the jail so they can't lynch this kid because they know he's innocent and fucking all hell breaks loose.
01:35:22.000The fucking white people chased the black people back to Greenwood.
01:35:26.000Old man tells a black kid he's not allowed to have a gun.
01:35:51.00021. But thinking, like, lynchings and shit.
01:35:56.000Like, it's kind of fucked up when you see, when you think, this is crazy, but I'm in Tulsa, I'm going for a jog, and I'm looking at trees going, was there a lynching there?
01:36:05.000Like, because it was popular, it was, you know, if the community thought someone was guilty, they'd just go and grab them from the jail and do it themselves.
01:36:32.000You know, it's one of the things, like, as time went on, and more and more reporters, and there's more and more distribution of these stories, and then you teach them in school, people teach them at universities, and then, of course, now, where just...
01:36:45.000You can get information on basically anything.
01:36:47.000I mean, that was 1921, so imagine if you lived in...
01:36:51.000I don't know, the top of Maine or something.
01:36:53.000You wouldn't even find out about that, right?
01:36:55.000You might have one rich friend in the neighborhood that's like, yo, check out what the newspaper says.
01:37:00.000Right, and if you didn't read it that day, you'd probably never hear about it.
01:37:23.000Well, when you watch those old-timey movies about the Wild West, and they go through the Wild West, and they're having fucking shootouts in the street, and they're hanging out in opium dens, that's real.
01:37:33.000It's a real representation of how they used to do it.
01:39:17.000And then prostitutes show up, and then there's pimps, and then there's gambling saloons, and then there's places to buy liquor, and people get all fucked up and start shooting each other.
01:39:28.000Pretty wild, man, to think that that's not that long ago.
01:39:31.000Oh, I get hung up on the fact, can you imagine riding a horse from New York to California?
01:39:50.000I do it differently than riding horses, but, dude, when you get, there is a symbiotic moment when you go full tilt with a horse, right?
01:39:57.000Full sprint with a horse, where you're- and only people that have done this with horses know this.
01:40:04.000There's a mo- because it starts- You merge, like the Na'vi avatar?
01:40:07.000Yeah, and all of a sudden, all you see is the horse's head doing this, and your body doesn't- you're kind of up in your feet, and you're like, oh, it is the most fucking exhilarating feeling in the world.
01:41:06.000Like, and then you get, you get, like, cause when you catch a horse, how I call a horse, is get him to come to you, get him up, trust you, and all you gotta do is throw a rope over his neck.
01:41:16.000Just throw a rope over his neck and he's yours.
01:42:46.000And I understand, like, when you hear about the Cowboys and how they originated here and would run the cow from up, I can see how that would be...
01:42:54.000Something that would call a young man, like when there's not much else to do in this world, go, oh yeah, I'm gonna be a fucking cowboy.
01:43:15.000I think there's something about it also that appeals to ancient DNA, because I think it's something that human beings have done for a long time, like ride horses and wrangle cattle and take care of things in a farm, and as you're sustaining this farm, you know this farm will sustain life,
01:44:37.000I was trying to get him to stop, I guess, but I was putting my feet on his belly, which for him meant take the fuck off, and he would take the fuck off, and then he started bucking, and I fucking popped up out of the saddle one foot off, and then the guy came and grabbed him and was like,
01:44:52.000hey man, you're off the fucking horse.
01:46:00.000Tears their colon apart, literally poking out of the top of their hip, because the horn goes through their asshole, through all this meat underneath, and pops out somewhere.
01:48:31.000Can you imagine if you are up in the air and you see the cobblestone and you realize you're going to get pile-drived headfirst in the cobblestone by a 2,000-pound animal and then you didn't have to do that.
01:49:24.000And throw people up in the air and fuck them up.
01:49:26.000So we were at the very beginning of the race, so the race is like, I think it's, I'm not certain, but we were there where they're doing it, and where the front of the line is, when they do the gun, It's like a cannon.
01:51:53.000I don't remember, I don't remember, to be dead honest, it was a long time ago, it was when I was 22, but it was a fun fucking party.
01:52:00.000The craziest thing is people climbing statues.
01:52:03.000They're just like, people are climbing like 40-foot statues and just, everyone's going, ole, ole, ole, ole, or whatever, you know, the fucking, and dudes are climbing statues and fucking falling and taking headers to the fucking, I mean, it was a crazy party, dude.
01:52:17.000It was chaos, shirtless, Sash, fucking white pants, and I had just boda bags of wine.
01:52:34.000We got there that day, partied all day, all night, stayed up through the night, slept in a park for a second, went down to the beginning of the running of the bulls, and then me and him bounced and we're like, gotta get the fuck out of here, we're not gonna run with the goddamn bulls.
01:52:59.000But there's people that run real slow and kind of wait for the bull and they want to run with the bull.
01:53:04.000This is the whole point is to run with the bull.
01:53:07.000Isn't it wild that there's parts of the world, like Europe, Europe is a great example, where those cities have been around for a thousand years.
01:54:00.000Like the oldest running bar in the world in England.
01:54:04.000It looks like, I mean, it's a slice of time other than what's been changed.
01:54:12.000This little area a thousand years ago with candles, people were drinking shitty ale and piss whiskey and whatever the fuck they drank back then.
01:56:42.000When we did The Cabin, originally it was supposed to be scripted, and then we just ran out of time because we couldn't get anyone to commit to doing the show.
01:56:51.000So at the last minute, we're like, just fuck it.
01:56:53.000Just make it all comics, and we'll all go to a cabin, and we'll just...
01:58:07.000That morning, I'm going to the cabin, and my dad's like, or I call my dad, I think from the cabin, and I go, I have Caitlyn Jenner on today.
02:00:28.000And when that came in, when the exec, I remember where I was sitting and which direction I was looking when the executive producer came in and goes, we just got Caitlyn Jenner.
02:00:37.000You would have thought we all just won the Powerball and that we all had it on one ticket and that it was hundreds of millions of dollars.
02:00:47.000Sure enough, the next six hours are literally just slamming a table.
02:00:52.000I can't imagine what it would have been like to just be in that hallway and watch through a window at us apes just having the time of our lives.
02:01:05.000There's something special about those sort of like roasts and roast battles because you're forced to write a completely new joke about a thing that's right there in front of you.
02:01:16.000And then you're forced to scramble and come up with good lines for it.
02:01:19.000And on a full roast, instead of a battle, you can make correlations with other people that are on that roast.
02:01:26.000So immediately you're like, Caitlin, well this person's a She had a...
02:04:01.000But that's actually kind of part of the fun of it all, is that, like, all of a sudden, Kim is hanging out with Pete Davidson, and then Kanye is mad.
02:07:07.000And then what's even crazier, all this documentary footage...
02:07:11.000And he gets in a car accident, breaks his jaw, right?
02:07:13.000Writes Through the Wire, which is chilling how great that fucking song is, about getting his jaw broken, his journey, and he uses the shit he's had in this documentary, he uses it to make the music video that goes on MTV, and what he's doing,
02:07:29.000he's taking this Through the Wire song, and he's playing it for Jay-Z. He's playing it for fucking Pharrell.
02:07:36.000He's playing it for them, and they're all going, dude, This is going to be the biggest song of the year.
02:07:41.000And it's all, this is all documentary footage.
02:08:53.000And he was on the podcast and Jamie missed it because he had COVID. Are you serious?
02:08:58.000Yep, Jamie caught COVID. He was out with a bunch of girls of ill repute at some bar.
02:09:03.000The only thing sadder than that is somebody who I've had crazy arguments with Kanye about, who was always on the wrong side of history, Red Band, got to sit in for you, the biggest Kanye fan, and literally I'm like, this is a double homicide.
02:13:19.000I brought up Bert last night, and I shook his hand, and he pointed over my shoulder, and I turned around, and four guys that had no idea that Bert was going to be there already had their shirts off.
02:19:08.000I remember putting out on Twitter, hey, I'm in Scotland.
02:19:10.000If any Death Squad fans want to get a drink, I'm buying.
02:19:15.000It's like 10 dudes show up, I just get wrapped, I walk over to a bar, and I go, I said, I just go, who's the latest JRE? And they're like, hold on.
02:19:55.000Whenever you had a good guest on, we were all starting our own podcasts, and so they were following us, and they'd be like, hey, tell us what happened with that one guy.
02:20:02.000I was telling people to start a podcast even when it wasn't even profitable.
02:20:14.000If it wasn't for Segura, because I bought all the equipment, you were like, get the equipment, get the stuff, just start it, just start it.
02:20:19.000And I recorded like two or three, and they were just me by myself, and they sucked.
02:20:22.000One, I was drunk, and I was like, ooh, they're never doing this again.
02:20:30.000Seguro walked into my man cave, and he hit record, and he gave a mic to Joey, and he gave a mic to my dad, and he took a mic, and he goes, this is your first podcast.
02:20:41.000And we recorded it, and it was fucking...
02:20:45.000I mean, it was Joey Diaz being old-school Joey Diaz, my dad meeting Joey for the first time, and them becoming close friends.
02:23:48.000With diet and exercise, you can lose that.
02:23:50.000I've seen a guy recently online that was one of those inspirational guys with the quotes over it and shit, and he was talking about how four months ago he was 60 pounds heavier, and they showed a picture of him before, and you're like, whoa, imagine.
02:24:03.000A lot of my friends I don't see for four months.
02:24:06.000Imagine not seeing a friend for four months, and then coming back four months later like, what the fuck, dude?
02:28:14.000And then the fucking energy of people being outdoors, it's like a fun, tailgate-y, like people show up with their trucks filled with ice and coolers and water and make a jacuzzi out of the thing.
02:28:25.000Yeah, but you bring that kind of energy everywhere anyway.
02:28:28.000It's not like they would do that if Jim Gaffigan was playing there.
02:28:31.000But I mean, you bring a party atmosphere.
02:37:04.000I don't know what happened, but, you know, Kid Rock used to be married to Pam Anderson, and Tommy Lee was married to Pam Anderson, too, and, you know, whatever.
02:37:46.000I don't remember if it was incense, but he's got cool lighting.
02:37:49.000It was like, you walk in, you're like, damn, this died.
02:37:51.000And John was saying, yeah, he just, like, instead of going somewhere where he's just going to get harassed, he just has all his friends come over and they have a party in his green room.
02:37:59.000So he turns his green room into a party.
02:38:01.000So he's got these, you know, these places that we do, we have these giant ass green rooms.
02:38:04.000So he has this giant ass green room that he has like music, he has turntables and shit.
02:38:09.000They're playing music, they're having fun.
02:38:10.000It's like he turned his thing into a nightclub.
02:39:01.000And when we start dancing around, and also we start talking to each other.
02:39:05.000And we start telling stories and getting excited.
02:39:07.000And when you do that, it's almost like you're warming up.
02:39:14.000Which is bad when you've got a non-comic in the room who gets clunky.
02:39:19.000So, like, when Tony and I are riffing, like, I'll be riffing with Tony, or Tony in the middle of something, and some non-comic friend of his will just dive in with some...
02:42:31.000Tony Woods had to tell the guy to shut the fuck up.
02:42:33.000We were in the fucking same thing at Vulcan, and there was some young guy, and, you know, Tony was talking, and this guy wanted to talk over Tony Woods, who's like one of the greatest storytellers of all time.
02:43:02.000Some guys are cool, and they can hang, and they understand, and they come back there, and a lot of young guys, like Hans Kim is the master at it.
02:43:09.000He can be around like Ron White, he never gets in the way, and he's always been like that, from the jump.
02:43:14.000Because he's a very intelligent, respectful guy.
02:43:43.000And those guys are a fucking dead weight.
02:43:45.000And they come in, and they think that somehow or another that the business is all about who you know, rather than you know these people because you're talented and they love you.
02:49:22.000I mean, like, I can't say never, because, like, obviously, if I'm fucking partying, if we're having a good time, like, if me and Tom will do a shot of tequila in the morning, doing two bears or something, that's a different story.
02:49:32.000But, like, when I'm on the road, which is 90% of my time, or at home, I would never have a drink in the morning.
02:50:20.000However, I do like the occasional going up, not at a theater.
02:50:24.000Usually I would never do it in a theater.
02:50:26.000But if I'm doing a club, I don't have a problem having a drink and going up and messing around or getting high and messing around and trying to figure things out.
02:51:05.000And I've been smoking a lot of weed lately just to cut back on my drink and I just get high and then get my bunk, hit this fucking Blue Dream vape pen and just fucking...
02:51:26.000I bought an ounce of Blue Dream to roll in joints because I enjoyed it that much.
02:51:30.000And I take this into my bed and I'll take like two puffs I'll lay there, and I'll wait until my brain starts thinking on its own.
02:51:37.000You know, when your brain goes, you're going like, I've got a busy day, I've got to work on that joke, horses should be running next to me right now.
02:51:43.000You're like, wait, what the fuck did I come from?
02:51:45.000And your brain's like, oh, my brain's taking over, I'm going into sleep.
02:51:47.000You just disappear, wake up in the next city, play some disc golf, fucking...
02:52:00.000We were in Texas, and I was looking for a way to get outside.
02:52:02.000We had just been to Onnit, and John had given me a kettlebell, and I said, I'm going to take this kettlebell with me everywhere I go.
02:52:08.000That'll be one of my weight loss programs.
02:52:10.000And so we walked in, and we read the kettlebell, and we saw disc golf.
02:52:14.000I said, hey, we should go play disc golf.
02:52:15.000We played in, I don't want to say, probably Dallas or Sugarland.
02:52:21.000And we went out and played, and I fucking fell in love with it.
02:52:24.000I used to play in college, and we loved it in college.
02:52:26.000And there was not the amount of discs there are now, back then.
02:52:31.000And all of a sudden, I was like, fuck.
02:52:33.000So I put up one disc golf video of us playing, and the disc golf community hit me up, and they were like, They're like, hey man, I'm excited you're into our sport.
02:52:42.000All the companies started going, let me send you some stuff.
02:53:02.000The greatest disc golfers ever, and they're giving us tips, and we're all getting a lot better, like a lot better.
02:53:08.000And now it's my group of guys, and we're all playing, we're all getting better, and we have access to the greatest disc golf courses and the greatest disc golfers in the world.
02:54:40.000It's way down there, but you have to first whip it through.
02:54:44.000Through these like massive trees that are right in front of you that literally like one fell on to another So you have to bridge the gap You get some beautiful courses where they're like you got to go through this long list of trees You know who really you know what really fucking sparked it dead honestly is I played a fucking couple rounds and I was posted on Instagram the first person to reach out was Ben Askren Oh,
02:55:28.000And so then I started fucking around, you know, if I ever get like a celebrity ever hits me up, I always play with it on like Aaron Rodgers or any of those.
02:59:05.000And so we set up a disc golf course in a minor league stadium, and I was like, and we're just going to the fucking top decks, throwing from there, throwing like 320 feet.
02:59:18.000So Paige Pierce takes us out, and it really is beautiful when you watch her throw a disc.
02:59:24.000But she was showing me the proper way of really putting your hips into it, turning your back to the tee, and then really snapping it, and how important the spin was.
02:59:35.000And I threw one, and I just felt like a pop.
02:59:48.000Outings set up with all these great disc golfers, and I'm like, I want to go play with them, but I'm hurt.
02:59:53.000And I'd wrap my arm up, and then I went out to this one place in Richmond, Virginia, I think, and they were like, this guy Richard took me out, and he was like, let me show you how to throw forehand.
03:00:04.000And I was like, that's how I initially threw, was more like a sidearm.
03:00:08.000And I just, and it didn't hurt my arm, and I was throwing a lot further.
03:00:58.000I mean, all I post on my Instagram is promo dates and disc golf shots.
03:01:03.000I mean, my Instagram, I have one slow motion I look beautiful in, but I was calling shots.
03:01:08.000I was calling shots, and it was so much fun.
03:01:11.000I was like, all right, I'm going to do an anhyzer up around this tree into the fucking thing, and I called it, and I did it, and it was like right by the pin, and I was like, it's so much fun.
03:01:24.000We play in Austin, and what's crazy is like, Because I talk about disc golf on big podcasts, on Two Bears and whatnot, so the whole community knows me now.
03:04:22.000There's something about a golf course right there on that coast of California where it's like already the land and energy and life is sort of like wibbly wobbly.
03:04:32.000So even if you're sober, it's trippy as hell.
03:04:34.000Pull up pictures of Pebble Beach, Trump International.
03:04:37.000Every time I've been right on the coast.
03:09:15.00086. 86. And she, like, we went to, and we were both terrible, but we were playing, and I was like, I'm gonna get better, and I'm gonna beat this lady.
03:10:01.000Tom Cruise, by the way, did not know how to play pool before this movie was filmed.
03:10:08.000And they hired, rather, the people that made the movie, Martin Scorsese, hired Mike Siegel, who's a multiple-time world champion, one of the greatest pool players of all time, who was also a lefty.
03:10:20.000And he taught Tom Cruise to play pool.
03:11:47.000It's either called straight pool or it's called 14-1.
03:11:50.000And in that game, you have one ball that's the break ball on the table, and then you shoot that ball, and the cue ball slams into the rack and opens up the rest of the balls.
03:14:21.000And I didn't know anything about the guy, and then I get home, and then I look into the guy, I listen to the podcast, I'm like, this guy's fucking amazing.
03:18:24.000I don't have the time to just, like, I can play when I want and have fun and play some games, but if I started playing competitively, I would get crazy.
03:18:34.000And that I'd want to play all the time.
03:18:38.000If the conversation was boring, I'd be thinking about bank shots and how to put the right inside English on a shot and move around the table to get around clusters of balls.
03:18:54.000I think archery's the very best thing for taking your brain off something.
03:18:56.000There's something about just drawing back that bow and centering that sight on that target and then the perfect release of an arrow and watching it sail and right in the bullseye.
03:21:34.000Well, I have access to a bunch of pro surfers, meaning like they've, you know, they're fans or whatever, and I've texted with a couple, and I was thinking about going down and maybe just taking like Jamie O'Brien's class, like he does like a class at Turtle Bay, and just doing it, going down to Hawaii for a week and like learning,
03:22:26.000They don't have one in LA. Kelly Slater's has one, but from what I saw Casey Neistat in there, and you only get like seven minutes in the pool, and there's not enough time to learn.
03:22:36.000Yeah, well, that's one of the things that they're talking about when it comes to surfers today.
03:22:41.000One of the things my friend Shane Dorian was saying is that surfers today have access to wave pools, and so young kids that have access to wave pools, they're so advanced because they have so much time on the board.
03:30:58.000I once did it with Brian Regan on his bus.
03:31:03.000We did an amphitheater in Detroit, and then the next night we had an amphitheater in Toronto.
03:31:09.000So that night, after Detroit, we just had the time of our lives drinking and doing whatever we wanted to on a tour bus with a bunch of comedians.
03:33:41.000You can see it live in Vulcan if you have tickets in Austin, Texas, but you're not going to get tickets unless you're very creative because it sells out basically instantaneously every week.
03:33:51.000And it's the best live show in all of comedy.
03:33:54.000You want to go see a live video of what's going to be on YouTube.
03:34:31.000You get people from all walks of life that enter in and put their name in the bucket to do a minute in front of celebrity comics, in front of an awesome band, an amazing live crowd that is like diehards that go to it as much as they can.