The Joe Rogan Experience - July 13, 2022


Joe Rogan Experience #1843 - Paul VIrzi


Episode Stats

Length

3 hours and 3 minutes

Words per Minute

210.0136

Word Count

38,583

Sentence Count

3,722

Misogynist Sentences

87


Summary

My father claims to have seen a flying saucer in 1973 in the middle of the night in the Bronx, New York City. He claims it was a UFO. I don t know what else to say other than this is a crazy story and I'm here to tell you why you should listen to it. I hope you enjoy this episode and don't forget to subscribe on your favorite streaming platform so you don't miss the next episode! Thank you so much for listening to this episode of What the F#ck? We really appreciate it and look forward to hearing your thoughts on this and other UFO stories in the future episodes. XOXO, Paul & Giannis xoxo Xoxo, Paul Giannis: Paul: , Christian: . Christian's Dad's Dad claims he saw something in the sky in the early morning hours of July 16th, 1973. I don't know what it was, but it's pretty sure it's not a UFO! Xxo, Giannis : , My dad's story is pretty crazy, so I thought it would be cool to share it with you guys. Xxoxo. xo, P.S. Thank you for listening and supporting this episode. I really appreciate your support. I appreciate you guys and I really do appreciate it thank you for your support and support. -p.s. I'm looking forward to seeing the next week with a new episode of the podcast! - Paul and Christian xo. XOXOXO -P. Paul & Christian xxo xxxxo xo Xo, P. Christian Yvette Christian x Gynn , P. S. , XxO, XJ6, XxxO, XJ4, X3, X2, X1, X4, and X3 & X4 Chacho , Y3, Y4, Y2, Y1, Y3 , and X5, X8, XS4, x3, and Y2A, X6, 3, S4, & X2 +3, x2, 3, XA, 4, etc, etc etc, , etc, &X3, etc.


Transcript

00:00:16.000 What the fuck?
00:00:18.000 Tell me the UFO story.
00:00:21.000 All right.
00:00:23.000 Well first, I'm gonna tell you about my dad real quick.
00:00:25.000 My dad is...
00:00:28.000 Sicilian to the fuck, he born and raised Bronx, okay?
00:00:32.000 Grew up in the 1960s in the Bronx.
00:00:35.000 Always has to dress nice, you know, very materialistic.
00:00:39.000 A man needs a watch, a man needs shoes, okay?
00:00:43.000 Me and my brother were in the car one time.
00:00:44.000 My father would do this shit.
00:00:45.000 We were young, he shouldn't have, but he would be like, he'd be like, look at that, you see that?
00:00:49.000 That's a fucking disgrace.
00:00:51.000 He'd be like, that's a man in a Honda.
00:00:54.000 And he'd be like, there's kids in that fucking car.
00:00:56.000 Like that.
00:00:58.000 1982, Jaguar, XJ6, black, white leather, dressed to the nines.
00:01:04.000 You know, everybody's crazy but him.
00:01:06.000 Fuck them, they're crazy.
00:01:07.000 So, tells me and my brother a story.
00:01:10.000 To this day, the story's not changing.
00:01:12.000 He told me he wished he never saw what he saw.
00:01:14.000 1973, my mother is pregnant with my older brother, Christian.
00:01:19.000 He's five years older than me.
00:01:21.000 Okay, so she's pregnant with him.
00:01:22.000 They're outside in Yonkers.
00:01:23.000 There's a little grass lot and my aunt, grandmother, and mother are out there and they're screaming, Tommy, you gotta come out here.
00:01:30.000 You gotta come out here.
00:01:31.000 So the way my father tells this story, he goes, I'm watching TV. What the fuck?
00:01:33.000 You know, I don't want to be bothered.
00:01:35.000 He goes, I go outside and he said, Paul...
00:01:37.000 He said, sitting where I could throw a rock or shoot my gun at it, there is a fucking...
00:01:42.000 He said flying saucer, which is fucking hilarious.
00:01:45.000 There's a fucking flying saucer.
00:01:47.000 He said it's got a blue tint around it.
00:01:50.000 Little portholes, but you could barely see.
00:01:53.000 Quiet.
00:01:54.000 Quiet as can be.
00:01:56.000 And he said they were all...
00:01:58.000 And he said the time was weird.
00:01:59.000 The time of night was weird.
00:02:00.000 It was like that weird time where the sun's going down, you don't know.
00:02:04.000 He said the timing of it was weird and he said his time perception during it was very, something was off with the time.
00:02:10.000 And he said, he thought, he said, holy shit, I could fucking shoot my gun at this thing.
00:02:15.000 But then he goes, he goes, then I freaked out because I don't know if this thing's reading my fucking mind.
00:02:19.000 So I went inside because he thought that it might have been.
00:02:23.000 So he went inside.
00:02:23.000 He looked again.
00:02:24.000 He went outside.
00:02:25.000 They looked at it.
00:02:26.000 They were stunned.
00:02:27.000 And he said, like that, it turned into a dot in the sky.
00:02:30.000 He said like that it turned into a star like that and he says to this day exactly the same thing.
00:02:36.000 He goes Paul I always used to think those people were fucking nuts.
00:02:38.000 He goes all those people I thought they were fucking hillbillies somewhere in the Midwest just trying to get attention.
00:02:43.000 He goes I know what the fuck I saw and he goes and I wish I didn't see it because I still dream about it and I know what the fuck I saw and I know it wasn't from here.
00:02:50.000 That's 100% true.
00:02:51.000 What year was this?
00:02:52.000 1973. And then I googled 1973 Yonkers and many people saw something.
00:02:58.000 But it was right above them.
00:03:00.000 Look at this.
00:03:01.000 Man says, 1973 UFO incident turned life upside down.
00:03:05.000 Wow.
00:03:08.000 I'm not surprised.
00:03:09.000 No.
00:03:09.000 It probably looked just like that.
00:03:12.000 That one right there.
00:03:14.000 It's funny because when he describes it, it looks like that.
00:03:17.000 In my mind, that's what he said it looked like.
00:03:19.000 And that's what I always thought about, that right there.
00:03:21.000 But he said that it was gone.
00:03:24.000 And he said he couldn't believe it.
00:03:25.000 And my mother's very religious.
00:03:27.000 So the other day we had a party and somebody...
00:03:30.000 Might have actually been Giannis.
00:03:31.000 He goes, I've got to find out.
00:03:32.000 Can I talk?
00:03:33.000 And she goes, I saw that.
00:03:35.000 She goes, Giannis, I saw that.
00:03:36.000 We saw that.
00:03:37.000 That thing just disappeared.
00:03:38.000 My father said if he had a picture in 1973 of where it was, nobody would ever have a picture like that.
00:03:43.000 He goes, I've been a fucking millionaire.
00:03:44.000 Yeah, he said, nobody.
00:03:46.000 It was right there, he said.
00:03:47.000 He said you could have maybe not thrown something, but shoot at it.
00:03:50.000 Wow.
00:03:51.000 Yeah, man.
00:03:51.000 Well, that thing right there is a copy by this guy Designs by Perry.
00:03:56.000 The E in Perry is a 3 on Instagram.
00:03:59.000 And he recreated that thing.
00:04:02.000 That's a recreation of what Bob Lazar allegedly worked on in Area S4. Yeah.
00:04:08.000 And that's exactly how he described it.
00:04:11.000 He said this thing was running on something called Element 115. Element 115 is apparently some element that was just theoretical until like the early 2000s.
00:04:22.000 I think it was like 2013 or something like that.
00:04:25.000 They recreated it in a large hadron collider.
00:04:28.000 But before in a particle collider but before that He was saying that these people had he was talking about this in 1989 that these people Who were working on this thing trying to back engineer it they described it as being some sort there's some sort of an engine that works Off of this element and that what it does is it bends gravity.
00:04:51.000 So instead of like a rocket where fire comes out the back and it pushes the rocket forward, this thing bends space and time.
00:04:59.000 So it bends gravity and pushes it through.
00:05:02.000 Yeah, that's why it's totally silent.
00:05:04.000 The thing is, it sounds crazy, but all these things that these pilots have seen that they describe having no heat signature, no visible means of propulsion, they all move in that same way.
00:05:16.000 Yeah.
00:05:16.000 Exactly how your dad described.
00:05:18.000 Yeah, and I didn't know that the bending gravity was why it was silent, but everybody that I know says they see one says silent.
00:05:25.000 Yeah.
00:05:26.000 There's never noise.
00:05:27.000 Like any sort of engine, which is wild.
00:05:29.000 It is pretty wild, but I mean, you know, everybody's like, well, I ain't seen shit, but if one person saw it, if they only came down for like a half hour or an hour, you know, a few people saw it, then it took off and never came back again, those people would be confused, like your dad, probably,
00:05:45.000 for the rest of their lives, just thinking about it.
00:05:47.000 Yeah, and he's so detailed every single time.
00:05:51.000 And he says, he goes, what I don't like about seeing it was I knew that I was seeing something that was just unexplained and not from here.
00:05:58.000 And I know it's out there.
00:06:00.000 And he's just fucked up by it.
00:06:02.000 I would imagine.
00:06:04.000 What do you think they're doing?
00:06:06.000 Probably making sure we don't blow ourselves up probably when every civilization I think there's probably a bunch of different kinds of life forms in space right like Millions of different times, but I think they must know that we operate off of Biological needs,
00:06:25.000 like we have a biological need to procreate, a biological need to protect our village and to protect our stuff, and so we're warring still, but yet we're moving this technological age of sophistication where we have nuclear bombs and video that travels on your phone to the other side of the world in a half a second and all the wild shit that we can do now that makes it very complex for us to manage Both our primate instincts and the responsibility of having incredible power.
00:06:55.000 So they're probably like, let's just fucking keep an eye on these assholes.
00:06:59.000 Why would they care, though?
00:07:01.000 Because they don't want us to blow ourselves up.
00:07:02.000 Think about how many billions of years it took for us to become what we are, right?
00:07:07.000 You go from a single-celled organism to what a human being is now.
00:07:10.000 That is a long road.
00:07:11.000 For us to just knock the dominoes over, because some guy has a hard-on, right?
00:07:16.000 That's Putin, right?
00:07:17.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:07:18.000 If Putin is like, fuck you, and he just fucking nukes Ukraine, and then we nuke him, and then China nukes us.
00:07:26.000 That kind of shit is a real possibility.
00:07:29.000 And if I was an alien, I was like, look, they're so close to getting it right.
00:07:34.000 They're so close to getting it together.
00:07:36.000 Yeah, that could be.
00:07:39.000 Yeah, dude, I don't know.
00:07:41.000 I tell you what, if I saw it, it would fuck me up.
00:07:43.000 What do you think it is?
00:07:43.000 What do you think they're doing?
00:07:44.000 If that's real, let's just assume that this isn't just a mass hallucination.
00:07:49.000 What do you think it is?
00:07:53.000 I think they're just curious, man.
00:07:54.000 I think they're just watching.
00:07:56.000 I would say I don't know that they care.
00:07:58.000 I wouldn't think that they would care, but I think they're just watching us.
00:08:01.000 But what if this?
00:08:02.000 I always thought about this.
00:08:03.000 What if they created us?
00:08:05.000 Like, we're their ant farm.
00:08:07.000 Yeah, I thought of that too.
00:08:08.000 You know, like one of them fucked something down and just started something.
00:08:13.000 Yeah.
00:08:13.000 You know, what if they took like a chimpanzee or they took something that was here first, fucked it, and was like, let's look at this thing grow.
00:08:20.000 And then they're just looking and they're showing up.
00:08:22.000 That's one of the things Bob Lazar said.
00:08:24.000 Did he?
00:08:25.000 Yeah, he said that one of their, there was a bunch of briefings that they had and a bunch of documents.
00:08:31.000 In one of the documents, they talked about how human beings are some sort of a product of accelerated evolution.
00:08:37.000 Wow.
00:08:37.000 They took us, which kind of makes sense that we're so different than all the other primates.
00:08:42.000 You see all the other primates, they're all still kind of stuck in this weird sort of...
00:08:47.000 I mean, we know that there were bipedal primates that don't exist anymore.
00:08:50.000 Like, have you ever heard of the Hobbit people?
00:08:54.000 No, not other than the movie.
00:08:56.000 Not the movie.
00:08:57.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:08:58.000 There's an animal.
00:08:59.000 It's like a human.
00:09:00.000 It's called Homo floresis.
00:09:04.000 Floresis?
00:09:05.000 I think that's how you say it.
00:09:06.000 From the island of Flores.
00:09:08.000 And there are these tiny people...
00:09:12.000 They're not homo sapiens, but they were in the humanoid category, and they were three feet tall, they used tools, and they think they might have even had conflicts with people.
00:09:25.000 What the fuck?
00:09:26.000 Yeah, those are real creatures.
00:09:30.000 But there's not just one of them.
00:09:32.000 Like, this is a fact, right?
00:09:34.000 This animal, this hobbit person, they didn't find out about this until...
00:09:39.000 God, I want to say it was like 2000s.
00:09:41.000 Somewhere in the 2000s, they discovered it.
00:09:44.000 When did they discover it?
00:09:46.000 Is that what it says?
00:09:49.000 Does it say...
00:09:54.000 I was discovered in 2003. So up until 2003, they didn't even know this was a thing.
00:10:00.000 And they know that these creatures lived alongside human beings.
00:10:05.000 I think the fossils they found were as recent as somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000 years ago.
00:10:10.000 So somewhere around 10,000 years ago, there was a creature that was like a tiny human-like, like, had hands like a human, a face like a human, but it was three feet tall, covered in hair, used tools, and lived alongside people.
00:10:23.000 But not human.
00:10:24.000 Not human.
00:10:24.000 Wow.
00:10:25.000 Not human, yeah.
00:10:26.000 Wow.
00:10:27.000 But so there's that one, right?
00:10:28.000 And then there's some other ones like Gigantopithecus, which is what they think Bigfoot was.
00:10:33.000 That's a giant eight-foot-tall bipedal hominid that existed.
00:10:38.000 That's like in the orangutan family.
00:10:40.000 Oh, okay, yeah.
00:10:41.000 And they think that that existed.
00:10:42.000 So there's a bunch of different primates, but the bottom line is all of them, even this one that has tools, they're covered in hair.
00:10:49.000 They're all fucking muscular and weird-looking.
00:10:52.000 Yeah.
00:10:52.000 They're not like us.
00:10:53.000 We're fucking strange.
00:10:55.000 Yeah.
00:10:55.000 You know what's funny about the thing that my father saw is he didn't want to tell people.
00:11:00.000 Oh, I'm sure.
00:11:01.000 So my father was, before my parents got divorced, he was a bigwig at AIG in Manhattan.
00:11:07.000 He was like third guy, third or fourth guy at AIG. And the top guy was having a huge barbecue at his place in Long Island.
00:11:13.000 And he invites my father to come out.
00:11:15.000 So my mother's there, and my father doesn't tell anybody about the UFO. And he goes, then your fucking mother yells across the barbecue, hey Tommy, tell everybody about the flying saucer we saw!
00:11:29.000 And he goes, no, I don't know, she's drinking.
00:11:32.000 And he goes, what the fuck?
00:11:34.000 Because he didn't want, because especially 1973. Right.
00:11:37.000 Even in the 80s and early 90s, it was like...
00:11:39.000 Even today.
00:11:40.000 Today, yeah.
00:11:41.000 You bring up today, you saw a UFO. Oh, Verzi saw a UFO. Yeah.
00:11:44.000 But at least you have commercial airline pilots going, hey, we see some shit right now that's going, doing some shit that these things shouldn't do.
00:11:52.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:11:53.000 You know, but yeah, 1973, my mother yelled it out and he was like, you're fucking, you know, he freaked out about it.
00:11:58.000 You know, he was like, you can't tell my boss.
00:12:01.000 Yeah, get Tom Verzi in here.
00:12:02.000 We got to fuck, he's a lunatic.
00:12:04.000 Yeah, they would say, you want to pee in that cup, Tom?
00:12:07.000 Did they have pee tests back then?
00:12:09.000 I wonder when they started doing drug tests.
00:12:11.000 Like, when did they first start drug testing employees?
00:12:13.000 I think 80s.
00:12:13.000 I don't think they did it in the 70s.
00:12:16.000 You know, I don't think so.
00:12:18.000 No, they probably didn't have drug tests back then.
00:12:21.000 Yeah.
00:12:21.000 You know?
00:12:21.000 Back then, I bet Coke was real Coke.
00:12:24.000 You got Coke, I bet it was clean.
00:12:25.000 Yeah.
00:12:26.000 They probably didn't even cut it.
00:12:27.000 Now you can't fucking, you can't touch it.
00:12:29.000 What does it say here?
00:12:30.000 President Ronald Reagan.
00:12:32.000 Worst workplace drug testing started off after President Ronald Reagan required it for federal employees in 1986. And it peaked during the drug war of the 1990s.
00:12:43.000 Fucking Reagan.
00:12:44.000 86?
00:12:45.000 Yeah.
00:12:46.000 He probably saw Darryl Strawberry Doc Good and he's like, enough of this shit.
00:12:51.000 That was the first steroids of sports, was the coke of sports, because they all did it.
00:12:56.000 Right, well, again, baseball players, apparently, they all like to do amphetamines, right?
00:13:00.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:13:01.000 Well, baseball players, that's probably one of the most performance-enhanced sports.
00:13:07.000 Yeah.
00:13:07.000 With all the fucking steroids and the...
00:13:11.000 Apparently, they all like ADHD medication.
00:13:15.000 Yeah.
00:13:16.000 Something about it makes you focus.
00:13:17.000 And what it does, too, is you play through injury.
00:13:19.000 You don't feel the injury.
00:13:20.000 So you have a little tear.
00:13:22.000 So guys that were at the plate, if they had a little tear in their elbow or shoulder...
00:13:25.000 Didn't.
00:13:26.000 Wow.
00:13:26.000 It didn't matter.
00:13:27.000 And their hand-eye coordination was...
00:13:29.000 That's why Barry Bonds...
00:13:30.000 Barry Bonds was so...
00:13:31.000 Barry Bonds was a Hall of Famer before he did it.
00:13:33.000 Then he saw everybody doing it, and then he did it again.
00:13:36.000 I was sitting courtside.
00:13:38.000 Nick, I got hammered at the...
00:13:41.000 I'm good friends.
00:13:42.000 Pete Davidson's a good friend of mine, and he was at SNL. He goes, dude, come down.
00:13:45.000 And I'm a diehard Knicks.
00:13:47.000 Diehard Knicks, because I'm a Yankees-Giants, but I've won with them.
00:13:50.000 My problem child is the Knicks, and I got my son into it and shit, and we go down, and I'm sitting next to this guy, and he's got his hair slicked back, and everybody's coming up to him, and he's got the beard, and I'm looking at this guy, and I'm drinking vodka.
00:14:01.000 They just pour vodkas, and I'm just, I'm fucking hammered courtside.
00:14:05.000 And this guy, and I don't know who this guy is, so at halftime, they take you back to where everybody's drinking and eating.
00:14:11.000 So finally, they're like, yeah, the guy you're sitting next to is the Mets, the new manager of the Mets, Mickey Calloway.
00:14:16.000 And I was like, oh, okay, cool.
00:14:17.000 That's who it is.
00:14:17.000 So we just start talking.
00:14:19.000 We're shooting the shit and everything.
00:14:20.000 And I go, all right.
00:14:21.000 And I'm hammered now.
00:14:22.000 So now I like all of the what you shouldn't do, I'm doing.
00:14:25.000 Yeah, I go, can I ask you a question?
00:14:26.000 He goes, please, please.
00:14:27.000 He's a nice guy.
00:14:28.000 I go, best baseball.
00:14:30.000 He was before he was a Mets manager.
00:14:31.000 He was a pitching coach for the Indians.
00:14:34.000 And I go, now the Guardians, which is fucking awful name.
00:14:38.000 But he said, I go, who's the best baseball player you've ever seen live in all of the years you've been in baseball?
00:14:45.000 And he just leans back and he goes, oof.
00:14:47.000 And then he just goes, oh, Barry Bonds.
00:14:50.000 He goes, nobody in history made a pitcher pay for a mistake more.
00:14:54.000 He goes, if a pitcher made one fucking mistake by an inch, over.
00:14:59.000 So imagine that guy on roids.
00:15:01.000 And he was.
00:15:04.000 But he was that guy before.
00:15:07.000 And then he was on it.
00:15:09.000 So now there's Barry Bonds, monster Barry Bonds.
00:15:12.000 No injuries.
00:15:13.000 No, you know, nothing's gonna stop him.
00:15:16.000 Hand-eye coordination, better.
00:15:17.000 More power.
00:15:18.000 That guy.
00:15:19.000 Yeah, I mean, how many...
00:15:21.000 They all did it, right?
00:15:22.000 Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa, they were all on the sauce.
00:15:26.000 You could kind of look at the ones that did a certain way because they were square.
00:15:30.000 I was in a fucking elevator with Gary Sheffield.
00:15:32.000 He was like a book dresser.
00:15:34.000 You could tell that these guys were just different.
00:15:38.000 I met Canseco in 1986. I was a fitness trainer at the Boston Athletic Club.
00:15:47.000 I'd teach people how to lift weights and shit.
00:15:50.000 And Jose Canseco came in at the peak of his popularity.
00:15:53.000 He was a fucking giant.
00:15:56.000 He was so big.
00:15:58.000 I couldn't believe how big he was.
00:16:00.000 Like, I knew he was, you know, you see him on TV, he's an athlete, but you see him in real life, he's like 260 pounds.
00:16:06.000 He was fucking huge.
00:16:07.000 Yeah, gigantic.
00:16:08.000 Actually, I don't know if Sheffield did it, but he looked like that.
00:16:11.000 I don't know if, who got, who was the big, oh, then the guys that denied it in front of Congress.
00:16:15.000 Oh, what happens with them?
00:16:16.000 Did they go to jail for that?
00:16:17.000 You know what's funny?
00:16:18.000 Everybody that admitted it, it was like, okay, but the guys that were like, remember Raphael Palmeiro?
00:16:24.000 He goes, I, he fucking like pointed at the guy.
00:16:26.000 He goes, I never, never, and like he did.
00:16:30.000 The problem with that is if you lie about something like that so emphatically, no one's ever going to believe you again.
00:16:37.000 Like if you get in an argument with your wife.
00:16:38.000 I was with Tommy.
00:16:39.000 We went to the fucking game.
00:16:41.000 I drove straight home.
00:16:42.000 I got stuck in traffic.
00:16:43.000 Yep, that's the point.
00:16:45.000 He looks like he's on roids right there.
00:16:47.000 That's probably why he's pointing.
00:16:48.000 Oh, there's a bobblehead doll of him pointing.
00:16:53.000 I've never used steroids, period.
00:16:55.000 Mark McGuire did this one.
00:16:57.000 They go, Mark, did you use steroids in this?
00:17:00.000 And he just goes, I'm not here to talk about the past.
00:17:03.000 I'm here to talk about the future.
00:17:05.000 And that was his way of just being like, let's clean the game up.
00:17:08.000 Nice.
00:17:09.000 After I've made my money, let's clean the game up.
00:17:11.000 Let's bring everybody's home runs down to a normal, manageable level.
00:17:16.000 Fuck that.
00:17:17.000 My wife knows that I'm lying, dude.
00:17:18.000 My wife and I have been together almost 20 years and married almost 15, and when she has me dead to rights, she just looks and we both know.
00:17:27.000 Well, don't do steroids in front of her then.
00:17:29.000 Or don't lie about them.
00:17:30.000 No.
00:17:31.000 Those guys, like, if you think about it, they made baseball more interesting, though.
00:17:35.000 Like, it's so stupid that they busted them for that.
00:17:38.000 They should have been just like, everybody shut the fuck up, everybody shut the fuck up.
00:17:42.000 They brought baseball back.
00:17:42.000 But why'd they make a big deal out of it?
00:17:44.000 Who gives a shit if they're doing steroids?
00:17:46.000 I just think when it goes from 40 home runs is a good season to 90, it's just like...
00:17:50.000 People are getting better.
00:17:52.000 Cars are getting faster.
00:17:54.000 Why did it go to Congress, though?
00:17:57.000 It's pretty weird it went all the way to congressional hearings.
00:17:59.000 Because baseball's our national game.
00:18:01.000 That's why.
00:18:02.000 Because if that happened with, like, pick a sport.
00:18:05.000 Darts.
00:18:06.000 You think anybody would give a fuck?
00:18:08.000 Dart players are doing roids.
00:18:10.000 Bring them to Congress.
00:18:11.000 Fucking bocce ball players?
00:18:12.000 Yeah.
00:18:12.000 Why is it?
00:18:14.000 It's got to be that baseball's a national sport.
00:18:16.000 I don't think they would have done that with anything else.
00:18:18.000 They definitely would have done it with football.
00:18:20.000 Because they know everybody's juiced up on football.
00:18:23.000 They'll get McGuire.
00:18:24.000 Look at Sosa looking over at them.
00:18:26.000 That's Sosa before he turned white.
00:18:29.000 He's so weird now.
00:18:31.000 It's wild what he did.
00:18:31.000 He keeps doing it too.
00:18:32.000 He's getting whiter and whiter.
00:18:34.000 Like some people, you know, it's just like body dysmorphia, right?
00:18:39.000 It's wild.
00:18:39.000 It's like an anorexic or something like that.
00:18:41.000 He thinks he looks good.
00:18:42.000 But it looks wrong because his features...
00:18:45.000 No, is that real?
00:18:46.000 That's real, dude.
00:18:47.000 That's what he looks like today.
00:18:49.000 What the fuck?
00:18:50.000 Yeah.
00:18:50.000 Why?
00:18:50.000 I don't know.
00:18:51.000 He's out of his fucking mind.
00:18:52.000 Is that like that Michael Jackson shit when he just kept- No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:18:55.000 The Michael Jackson shit is vitiligo.
00:18:58.000 I have that.
00:18:59.000 That's like you see like white spots on my hand.
00:19:02.000 You don't notice it as much because I'm a white guy.
00:19:04.000 But with Michael Jackson, he 100% had vitiligo and his whole body started de-pigmenting.
00:19:10.000 Sammy's doing this on purpose.
00:19:12.000 Oh, he's putting shit on himself.
00:19:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:19:14.000 You can buy that stuff.
00:19:15.000 When I was in Thailand, I noticed that they sell these things.
00:19:19.000 They had billboards everywhere for whitening cream.
00:19:21.000 And you take this cream and it destroys the pigment on your skin.
00:19:27.000 He apparently likes it.
00:19:29.000 He was doing an interview talking about how he likes the way he looks now.
00:19:33.000 That's so weird, dude.
00:19:35.000 He looked so healthy.
00:19:36.000 He was a good young player.
00:19:38.000 He says, it's a bleaching cream that I apply before going to bed and it whitens my skin some.
00:19:43.000 He said, some.
00:19:44.000 No, bro, a lot.
00:19:45.000 Sammy said in a 2019 interview with Univision after a photo was taken at the Grammy Latino Awards.
00:19:50.000 What happened was that I've been using the cream for a long time that combined with the bright TV lights made my face look whiter than it really is.
00:19:57.000 I don't think I look like Michael Jackson, he said then.
00:20:00.000 Ha ha ha ha.
00:20:01.000 Like, scroll up to that photo again?
00:20:04.000 Bro, that's crazy.
00:20:05.000 That is crazy.
00:20:06.000 Because his face, you know, it's like he's got the features of a darker man, but he's got a...
00:20:11.000 Well, that one is almost like he's purple.
00:20:13.000 And the thing, too, is, like, the fucking pink hat.
00:20:16.000 He looks like a Batman fucking villain or something.
00:20:19.000 That's weird.
00:20:20.000 He's losing his mind.
00:20:21.000 A lot of guys lose their mind.
00:20:23.000 You have kids.
00:20:24.000 Yeah.
00:20:24.000 Where do you stand with, like, what they can do as far as, like...
00:20:30.000 Tattoos, piercings, doing shit like that because my kids are not ready for it.
00:20:33.000 My daughter's 10 and my son is 13. You know, my daughter has earrings and stuff like that.
00:20:38.000 I don't know if my son's interested in certain things yet, but are you gonna be one of those to be like, you know, be careful like I don't want you doing that or it's like whatever?
00:20:46.000 I don't think that I have any control over my children's bodies once they become adults.
00:20:53.000 You know, I think I want to be kind.
00:20:57.000 I want to give them as much information as I can.
00:21:00.000 I want to, you know, make sure that they do a lot of things that build up their character and their self-esteem and then allow them to make choices.
00:21:09.000 I think the best thing that you could do is have a dialogue with your kids where they know they could always talk to you about things.
00:21:14.000 So, like, I... My wife is more restrictive than me when it comes to television or computer use.
00:21:24.000 She puts screen time on their phones and shit like that.
00:21:28.000 I feel like you've got to be very careful to not be too controlling because then your kid will try to rebel.
00:21:35.000 People don't like being told what to do.
00:21:37.000 It's like when your boss isn't looking and then you go do things you're not supposed to do.
00:21:41.000 It's a natural thing.
00:21:43.000 If you've got a boss that's like, as soon as he leaves, fuck him, you put your feet up on the desk.
00:21:46.000 If you give people freedom, they don't rebel.
00:21:50.000 They don't want to rebel.
00:21:51.000 I have restrictions, like time restrictions and tell me where you're going to be and that kind of stuff, but I'm all about communication with my kids.
00:22:00.000 I talk to them I definitely talk to them like I'm their father, like I love them, and I treat them, I always tell them I love them, I treat them like they're my daughters, but I also treat them like they're my friends.
00:22:11.000 Right.
00:22:11.000 Yeah, I do too, and one thing that I tell my kids too is, You know, you're great and worth all your insecurities are normal because we all have them and you're gonna have them and you're gonna walk into a public situation and feel less than for some reason.
00:22:28.000 Sure.
00:22:28.000 And don't.
00:22:29.000 You know, when we say we love you and you're the fucking best, you are.
00:22:33.000 And I got that from when Mike Tyson went to Customato and he was a broken kid from Brownsville, Brooklyn.
00:22:42.000 And he was either going to be, he had friends that were gangbanging, he was either going to go to jail or get killed.
00:22:47.000 And this guy, Customato, takes this 17 year old, whatever, was he 13?
00:22:52.000 Oh yeah, that's right, he started to compete at that age.
00:22:54.000 Takes this kid and he said he's sitting in his house eating dinner going, I could rob that, I could take that vase, I could take this shit.
00:23:01.000 And there's video of Customato being like, you're great, you're going to be a champion, lifting this kid up.
00:23:07.000 And I always tell my son when he feels bad, I go, it's normal to feel like that.
00:23:11.000 But you're a great kid.
00:23:12.000 You're a great kid.
00:23:13.000 You're smart.
00:23:13.000 And don't feel like that.
00:23:14.000 And I don't think I have to worry about drugs with him, Joe.
00:23:17.000 Because my brother-in-law passed from an overdose at 30. And it fucked the family up.
00:23:22.000 And they're just like...
00:23:25.000 My son, too.
00:23:26.000 My son is very, very good in school and a good athlete.
00:23:29.000 But he's very...
00:23:30.000 He's afraid of that.
00:23:32.000 And I'm hoping that he can learn something from that.
00:23:37.000 You can definitely learn from people's mistakes.
00:23:39.000 Yeah.
00:23:39.000 Yeah.
00:23:40.000 Yeah.
00:23:40.000 It's a tough thing.
00:23:41.000 And, you know, my wife's devastated and stuff.
00:23:43.000 So, and he's just like, we're like, look, you know, you know what happened to...
00:23:45.000 Now, if my son goes out and has a beer, I get...
00:23:47.000 He comes home and, you know, your son's been funneling beers he's throwing up.
00:23:51.000 Fine.
00:23:51.000 You know, that's...
00:23:52.000 I'll be there for him.
00:23:53.000 But I'm gonna...
00:23:54.000 I'm just gonna make sure that he doesn't do things to be cool.
00:23:57.000 That he doesn't want to do.
00:23:58.000 I don't want my kids doing things...
00:24:01.000 They don't want to do but they're just doing it to be because I did dumb shit cuz I come from a broken home So I had no security in my family.
00:24:07.000 My parents got divorced So I would I would you know at 13 years old I was drinking.
00:24:11.000 Yeah doing dumb shit.
00:24:13.000 I think that You know, it's it's very important for kids to know that you went through a lot of bad shit too in terms of like the way you think about things when you think about yourself and Because, like, they see you now, and you're successful, and you got a Netflix special, and you're fucking doing great on the road and everything,
00:24:30.000 and it's like, oh, dad's a successful comedian.
00:24:32.000 That's great.
00:24:33.000 Dad's so funny.
00:24:34.000 He's so confident.
00:24:35.000 He goes out there and talks to all those people.
00:24:36.000 You got to let them know.
00:24:37.000 Like, no, I used to bomb.
00:24:39.000 I sucked.
00:24:40.000 I hated myself.
00:24:41.000 I this, I that.
00:24:41.000 I think all that stuff is very important for kids to know because people have this tendency to look at other people like they have it all sorted out.
00:24:49.000 They have it solved.
00:24:51.000 And the kids look at themselves and they say, I don't have those characteristics.
00:24:56.000 I don't have those qualities.
00:24:58.000 And they feel like they're never going to have them.
00:25:00.000 So if you could tell them that...
00:25:02.000 One of the things I always tell my kids is whenever they fuck up, Whenever they do something wrong, one of the first things I say before I say, hey, you shouldn't have done that, I'll say, listen, I did that and more.
00:25:12.000 I did all those things and more.
00:25:13.000 I'm not upset at you.
00:25:15.000 I'm upset that this happened, but this is just a part of being a human being, and now we're going to learn from this.
00:25:20.000 We're going to grow from this.
00:25:21.000 So you don't like it, you're upset with the way the result is and the way things turned out, good.
00:25:26.000 That's how we learn in life.
00:25:28.000 Yeah, and I'll tell them, I'll say, you know, Gaining confidence came from a lot of years.
00:25:34.000 Gaining confidence came from a lot of years.
00:25:36.000 I would walk into...
00:25:38.000 And you know what's funny, and you know this as a comedian, is some of the best shows I ever had was the most insecure and fucking scared I was.
00:25:46.000 Scared.
00:25:47.000 Do I belong here?
00:25:48.000 These fucking Montreal...
00:25:50.000 Oh, yeah.
00:25:51.000 You look at the names and you're just like, I looked up to that guy, I looked up to that.
00:25:54.000 And now you're on there pacing, but you go out.
00:25:57.000 And one of the best sets I ever had in my fucking life, to this day, was I opened for Burr at the Garden in the round.
00:26:06.000 And dude, it was like, it was, I was, I was fucking, before I went out there, I was just like, it was like a surreal nervous.
00:26:14.000 Just because I was prepared and ready, but I was like, I envisioned what I wanted to do.
00:26:18.000 But I was nervous as shit.
00:26:20.000 And then I went out there and it all came together the way I wanted to.
00:26:23.000 But I tell my kids, I'm like, they were at my taping.
00:26:26.000 They were at my Netflix taping.
00:26:27.000 And you know, my daughter is 10 and she's just a little, you know, she's like me.
00:26:31.000 She looks like me.
00:26:32.000 She's like Greek and Sicilian.
00:26:33.000 My son's like blonde hair, blue eyes, because my wife is Scandinavian and stuff.
00:26:37.000 So they look so different, you know?
00:26:38.000 And my son is like, I don't know if I'm, is he going to be all right, Mom?
00:26:42.000 Because he's looking at the crowd.
00:26:43.000 And I was like, yeah.
00:26:45.000 That's why I'm gonna tell you this right now, dude.
00:26:49.000 UFC fighters bringing their kids to the octagon?
00:26:53.000 Crazy, right?
00:26:53.000 Yeah.
00:26:54.000 Listen, daddy might get put to sleep by another...
00:26:56.000 Fuck that!
00:26:57.000 Did you see when Michael Chandler knocked out Tony Ferguson?
00:27:01.000 With the kick?
00:27:02.000 Front kick, yeah.
00:27:03.000 One of the first things he did.
00:27:05.000 Got on top of the octagon and said, where's my son?
00:27:08.000 He started pointing.
00:27:10.000 Wow.
00:27:11.000 Yeah.
00:27:12.000 That, my son wouldn't be able to, you know.
00:27:15.000 He was confident.
00:27:15.000 I mean, that's a tough fight.
00:27:16.000 But the way he won, for him, it must have been a giant relief that he won in front of his son.
00:27:25.000 And then just he wanted to celebrate.
00:27:28.000 Yeah.
00:27:29.000 That's heavy.
00:27:30.000 That's so much extra weight.
00:27:31.000 Yeah.
00:27:32.000 So much extra weight.
00:27:33.000 Your kids, your wife.
00:27:34.000 Oh my god.
00:27:35.000 What if they see you get fucking head kicked?
00:27:37.000 People don't understand the insecurity and emotion that go into this, man.
00:27:43.000 I'll be honest with you, Joe.
00:27:44.000 I've been doing this for 20 years.
00:27:48.000 Nobody said, everybody said no to me for 15 years in this business.
00:27:53.000 Everybody.
00:27:53.000 That's probably good though.
00:27:54.000 Every fucking body.
00:27:55.000 If everybody said yes.
00:27:57.000 Yes.
00:27:57.000 For 15 years.
00:27:58.000 Yeah, but after like 10, I was like, what the fuck?
00:28:01.000 I was like, I just fucking killed, you know?
00:28:03.000 And I would have people going, yeah, man, it's called Killing in Obscurity.
00:28:07.000 And I would be in a fucking hotel room and Stacey, my wife, would go, how'd the shows go?
00:28:12.000 And I'd go, You know, I got fucking waitresses and people that have been there, like, years, going, dude, we see comedy all the time.
00:28:19.000 Like, you're one of the funniest guys that come here.
00:28:21.000 And you know what?
00:28:21.000 I'm fucking—nothing's happening.
00:28:23.000 Yeah, but it's supposed to be like that.
00:28:24.000 I know, I know.
00:28:26.000 But time went on, and time went on, and time went on, and then finally— When I was really nervous before the Netflix release.
00:28:33.000 And I knew what we did.
00:28:34.000 I knew that the show was good.
00:28:36.000 I knew it was better than my first one.
00:28:37.000 And I knew that it was good.
00:28:39.000 But I knew that it was better.
00:28:40.000 And I knew that we put together a really good show.
00:28:42.000 But the night before, you get fucking like, you're like, hey, you wake up.
00:28:46.000 And I woke up and I looked at my phone and the review started to come in.
00:28:49.000 I don't like to look a lot, but I just wanted to look at the initial.
00:28:53.000 I was driving to the airport, and it was the first time I actually got emotional.
00:28:59.000 I wasn't like that, but I started to just think of...
00:29:04.000 Leaving my family, getting on fucking airplanes, you know, all of the hotel rooms, everything, 20 years, telling my wife like I'm working, my wife's seeing it, and then just everybody hit me up saying this and that, and I just started to tear up, and I was just like, you know, wow, like in my mind, not like made it in like industry's mind.
00:29:21.000 Not made it rich fame-wise, but for me, to all of the shit that I did, to have a Comedy Central special, which fucking nobody saw, and then to end up doing this and having something out that people were just like, man, I laughed the whole time.
00:29:36.000 It made me feel good.
00:29:37.000 And I got emotional, man.
00:29:38.000 And I thanked my wife.
00:29:40.000 I just called her.
00:29:40.000 I said, thank you for, you know...
00:29:41.000 That's awesome.
00:29:43.000 It's coming together.
00:29:44.000 That's what it's supposed to be.
00:29:45.000 And when you say the industry...
00:29:47.000 There's no industry anymore.
00:29:48.000 It's not real.
00:29:49.000 Right.
00:29:50.000 It's not real.
00:29:50.000 This is the industry.
00:29:51.000 Right here.
00:29:52.000 Yeah.
00:29:52.000 This is the industry now.
00:29:53.000 Like, no bullshit.
00:29:54.000 Yeah.
00:29:55.000 This is a real network.
00:29:56.000 Yeah.
00:29:56.000 In terms of all the comics that come in here.
00:29:58.000 Yeah.
00:29:59.000 We're all very supportive of each other.
00:30:01.000 Yeah.
00:30:01.000 Everybody is out there telling stories on the road and doing their thing and having a good time.
00:30:07.000 Yeah.
00:30:07.000 And saying, hey, you gotta go see Mark Norman.
00:30:09.000 Hey, Shane Gillis is fucking killing it.
00:30:11.000 And anybody who hears, you hear on Twitter, you hear on Instagram.
00:30:13.000 And that's the real industry now.
00:30:15.000 The industry is...
00:30:16.000 Live stand-up and then recording live stand-up so people can see how good your shit is.
00:30:21.000 That exists still.
00:30:22.000 But it only exists with us.
00:30:24.000 We are the industry now.
00:30:25.000 Yeah.
00:30:26.000 There's no more gatekeepers.
00:30:27.000 That shit's gone.
00:30:28.000 It is.
00:30:28.000 There's still Netflix, but guess what?
00:30:30.000 They're not necessary.
00:30:32.000 You can put your shit on YouTube.
00:30:33.000 You can put your shit anywhere.
00:30:34.000 Look, Gillis is fucking killing it.
00:30:36.000 Yeah.
00:30:36.000 And he released his shit on YouTube in the height of his cancellation.
00:30:42.000 Yeah.
00:30:42.000 Right after his cancellation, he puts out this fucking phenomenal special on YouTube, and he's even better now.
00:30:47.000 Yeah.
00:30:48.000 That's the real industry now.
00:30:50.000 Yeah.
00:30:51.000 This is the best part of 2022 for comics, is that we don't have gatekeepers anymore.
00:30:56.000 Yeah.
00:30:57.000 The gatekeepers are each other.
00:30:58.000 Yeah, you don't have to dance for somebody that's never lived in your shoes.
00:31:03.000 Well, they like you dancing, too.
00:31:05.000 That's what's gross.
00:31:06.000 Yeah.
00:31:07.000 I remember those meetings.
00:31:08.000 It's like, who are these fucking uncreative people, and they have terrible ideas, and they all want to put their fucking greasy little mitts all over your stuff.
00:31:16.000 Oh, I told them to wear that shirt.
00:31:18.000 I told them to do it.
00:31:20.000 I told them to open with this material.
00:31:21.000 The material he was going to open for, it would have ruined the whole special.
00:31:25.000 Yeah, I know.
00:31:27.000 I'd get up from dinner on a Tuesday to go run to the city for a $25 fuckin' spot for a fuckin' booker that everybody was afraid of.
00:31:35.000 I think COVID put things into perspective though, Joe.
00:31:41.000 I think the hamster wheel of what people were doing and then you sat back and you're like, wait a minute, let me slow this down a little bit and fuckin' figure things out.
00:31:49.000 Do things my way.
00:31:51.000 A lot of people changed their life during COVID for the better.
00:31:53.000 I mean, for a lot of people, it was terrible.
00:31:55.000 They lost their businesses and lost family members and shit, but it wasn't a good thing.
00:32:00.000 But it was an opportunity to advance from adversity.
00:32:05.000 Adversity gives you little doors where you're like, hey, you don't like what you're doing, and now they're taking it away from you, so here's a chance.
00:32:12.000 Right.
00:32:13.000 Here's a chance to, like, think.
00:32:14.000 Because sometimes people get too comfortable in their patterns.
00:32:17.000 And, you know, you think you're working hard, but are you?
00:32:20.000 You know, like, I mean, how much do you want this?
00:32:22.000 What are you trying to do?
00:32:23.000 Could you be putting in more effort?
00:32:25.000 Could you be getting things done better?
00:32:26.000 Well, what about having short-term and long-term goals?
00:32:29.000 That's really important.
00:32:30.000 Because a lot of people don't have that.
00:32:31.000 A lot of people are just on that hamster wheel.
00:32:33.000 Like, I'm going to run around and do this spot and do that spot and do that spot.
00:32:35.000 It's like, all right, well, you're getting that money, you're paying rent, but what's the end game?
00:32:39.000 What are you ultimately trying to do?
00:32:41.000 Well, what's your end game?
00:32:44.000 I always was stand-up, man.
00:32:46.000 I just want to get better at stand-up.
00:32:48.000 Every hour I put out, I want it to be better.
00:32:50.000 I want to do some acting, because I love that a little bit.
00:32:53.000 Here and there when I get parts, I'm like, this is actually kind of fun to do, but my end game is to just keep getting better at stand-up and putting stuff out.
00:33:01.000 I didn't drop out of college to do anything else.
00:33:03.000 I didn't drop out of college to do anything else but stand-up and get better.
00:33:08.000 Now I'll do everything else that I have around it.
00:33:11.000 You have to adapt.
00:33:12.000 You know podcasts and do all that stuff, but I you know, I love I love telling a joke I love telling a story and that's why I got into this man and Mikey, you know, yeah The best do you remember when you were an open mic or knew this thought of the dream was just Greg Fitzsimmons and I started out a week apart from each other and You know,
00:33:30.000 I just saw him a couple days ago in LA. We were super tight.
00:33:33.000 Yeah And we would just sit around going, imagine what it would be like to pay your bills with comedy.
00:33:40.000 That's the goal.
00:33:41.000 The goal was just to be a professional.
00:33:43.000 We saw those guys in Boston that were pros, and I looked at them like, how did they do it?
00:33:50.000 Like, the impossible dream.
00:33:52.000 Yeah.
00:33:53.000 They don't have a job.
00:33:54.000 These guys just golfed all day.
00:33:56.000 I know.
00:33:56.000 And they were drinking, and they'd go on stage and kill, and be like, oh.
00:34:00.000 They were just, they were fucking heroes.
00:34:02.000 I couldn't believe And that, to this day, has always been the thing that I wanted the most that I didn't have.
00:34:10.000 Like, when I think about things that I wanted, it wasn't like being a movie star or even a TV star.
00:34:15.000 It was never those things.
00:34:16.000 It was be a professional comedian.
00:34:20.000 Like, to me, it was like a dream.
00:34:22.000 Like, could it possibly happen?
00:34:25.000 I know.
00:34:25.000 You know?
00:34:26.000 I know.
00:34:26.000 What's amazing is the things that you dream of, you get when the work is put in and you put it out there.
00:34:32.000 Sometimes.
00:34:33.000 I know a bunch of people that still suck 20 years later.
00:34:37.000 Well, then they should have fucking...
00:34:38.000 After 20 years, what do you...
00:34:40.000 At some point, did somebody that loves you go, hey, man...
00:34:43.000 Yeah, but someone could have done that to you a year in.
00:34:46.000 If they came up to me a year in and said, you suck, I'd be like, I kind of do suck.
00:34:52.000 But...
00:34:55.000 Yeah, that set was, you're right.
00:34:59.000 Who's to tell you that you can never figure it out?
00:35:02.000 You have to have a level of awareness, self-awareness.
00:35:06.000 I think one of the things that holds people back is they're delusional.
00:35:09.000 They think they're better than they are, and they think they're doing great.
00:35:13.000 There's no laughs, the audience isn't laughing.
00:35:15.000 And they think they're better than they are, like they're protecting themselves from the truth.
00:35:20.000 Yeah, but do you think they know?
00:35:24.000 Really know?
00:35:25.000 I think there's a lot of people that run through this world and they think they look great when they look like shit and they think they're skinny when they're fat and they think they're smart when they're dumb.
00:35:33.000 There's a lot of people.
00:35:35.000 There's a lot of people out there.
00:35:37.000 They're just delusional.
00:35:38.000 I just pictured some fat fucker going, I look great!
00:35:41.000 I'm looking fucking great!
00:35:42.000 And you're like, nah, dude.
00:35:43.000 But the thing is, the feeling that sucks about not being good, about being fat, about being a loser, that feeling that sucks is a motivational tool.
00:35:54.000 And some people don't like the feeling.
00:35:56.000 No one likes the feeling, right?
00:35:57.000 No one likes the feeling of being a loser.
00:35:59.000 But being a loser is good for you because it teaches you that that sucks and it feels awful.
00:36:05.000 And if you can get some progress going in your life and start moving forward in your life, you'll feel good.
00:36:11.000 And then you'll remember.
00:36:13.000 What it felt like to be a loser, and you're like, oh, that is my fuel, that's my motivation.
00:36:18.000 And then the good feeling that comes with a successful set, or filming a successful special, it's like, my god, that feeling is magic.
00:36:28.000 Yeah.
00:36:29.000 I think it's two things though.
00:36:30.000 I think being funny and being a good comedian are two different worlds.
00:36:35.000 From day one, I would get laughs, but it wasn't with good shit.
00:36:38.000 It was dumb shit.
00:36:39.000 But that's just because you're trying to do well.
00:36:41.000 Yeah.
00:36:42.000 I remember one of the first jokes I had, one of my first openers, and it killed his fucking time.
00:36:48.000 I was like, yeah, I broke up with my girlfriend.
00:36:50.000 She said I wasn't close enough with her family, so I fucked her sister.
00:36:54.000 And then they got more mad.
00:36:55.000 I was like, it wasn't gonna be your brother.
00:36:57.000 Like, it was horrible, you know?
00:36:58.000 That's funny.
00:36:58.000 I actually like it.
00:36:59.000 I think you should bring that back.
00:37:02.000 But here's the thing.
00:37:03.000 So I would get laughs, but it wasn't really a good construct.
00:37:06.000 Right.
00:37:07.000 So it was like you want to be the best of the shittiest at that moment.
00:37:11.000 Right.
00:37:12.000 Like when you do the open mics and there's eight, nine open mics.
00:37:14.000 You want to be at the top of that and you move.
00:37:16.000 But then when you start to really craft a joke and you start to watch a joke.
00:37:20.000 And the best is when somebody who's like one of the motherfuckers in the game is like, that joke you just did?
00:37:27.000 And then you're like, oh shit.
00:37:29.000 Yeah.
00:37:30.000 People don't realize what that does.
00:37:32.000 That's nice.
00:37:32.000 Nothing is worse than when a fucking great comic is rude or passes you over because it hurts.
00:37:39.000 It hurts you.
00:37:40.000 It hurts.
00:37:41.000 And you don't forget it.
00:37:42.000 Yeah.
00:37:42.000 You never forget the good, but I'm Sicilian.
00:37:45.000 I never forget the fucking bad.
00:37:47.000 Yeah.
00:37:48.000 A nice...
00:37:48.000 Which is a bad thing, but...
00:37:49.000 A kind word from someone when you're just starting out can go a long way.
00:37:53.000 People don't realize what that does.
00:37:54.000 Yeah.
00:37:54.000 What that does, you go home and you're just like...
00:37:56.000 It was giant.
00:37:57.000 Oh, I was...
00:37:58.000 The set that I had at the Garden, somebody was like, dude, Questlove and Chris Rock are in there.
00:38:03.000 Chris Rock just said you killed, right?
00:38:04.000 So then I'm all excited, but listen to this shit.
00:38:07.000 So then I walk out, Joe, of our dressing room.
00:38:11.000 I was in the dressing room.
00:38:12.000 It was like me and Joe Bardic had our own thing, Bill's in the other thing.
00:38:14.000 And we were just...
00:38:15.000 And I go, hold on, let me go get something.
00:38:17.000 And I walk out, dude.
00:38:18.000 And it's me and Chris Rock after the set of my life.
00:38:21.000 And he said I killed.
00:38:22.000 And I'm going, here it comes.
00:38:23.000 And he's walking.
00:38:24.000 And I'm walking.
00:38:25.000 And we just made eye contact.
00:38:27.000 And he just kept walking, dude.
00:38:28.000 And I was like, fuck.
00:38:30.000 I was like, fuck.
00:38:31.000 I know you wanted to.
00:38:32.000 You just saw it.
00:38:33.000 You just said I killed.
00:38:34.000 Come on, man.
00:38:37.000 You fucking, come on, give it to me.
00:38:39.000 Oh, dude, you'll love this.
00:38:41.000 One of the first times I'm headlining, I'm in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, right outside Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, at a place called Carolina Comedy Club.
00:38:49.000 It's not there anymore.
00:38:50.000 And I was just able to headline a B room.
00:38:54.000 Okay, so you figure there's a good 45 minutes, nothing great.
00:39:00.000 And they got the local radio guy opening it.
00:39:03.000 And this kid's fucking killing.
00:39:05.000 I mean, he's fucking, he's doing local shit.
00:39:07.000 Local shit.
00:39:08.000 People are just fucking, people are jumping off, you know, and I come out there, and I can have them, like, look at this fucking Yankee, like, you know, and I'm fighting through it, I'm fighting through it, but you know who is?
00:39:17.000 Jordan Rock, Chris's youngest brother, who does stand-up.
00:39:20.000 He was hosting.
00:39:22.000 I don't know him, I know Tony.
00:39:23.000 Yeah, there's three of them.
00:39:25.000 There's like seven of them, but there's three that do...
00:39:27.000 Oh, Tony's fucking incredible, man.
00:39:28.000 He's fun.
00:39:29.000 Tony's so underrated.
00:39:31.000 I said that.
00:39:32.000 I said Tony's one of the most underrated...
00:39:34.000 Dude, I opened for him like eight years ago, and I went in to go watch him for five minutes, and I just stayed there for 40 because he was killing.
00:39:39.000 But their younger brother, their youngest brother, Jordan, he was hosting.
00:39:43.000 And I'm up there in South Carolina.
00:39:45.000 They love the middle.
00:39:46.000 I started to win them, but there were two people in the crowd that were smiling and laughing that gave me the strength and energy to just...
00:39:52.000 I mean, I had it anyway, but like they...
00:39:54.000 I was like looking to them and it was Chris Rock's mother.
00:39:57.000 It was Chris Rock's mother and her friend.
00:39:59.000 And she's just laughing.
00:40:01.000 And she had the New York thing.
00:40:02.000 So, yeah.
00:40:04.000 And then afterwards, I went up to her and I said, hey, I got to tell you something.
00:40:07.000 I said, I was up there.
00:40:09.000 I was struggling, you know, and I was trying to find it.
00:40:12.000 And you're laughing.
00:40:13.000 And she's like, oh, my God, no, that was so good, this and that.
00:40:15.000 And I told her, you know, and she was telling me about how Eddie was Chris's guy because my hero is Eddie.
00:40:22.000 Yeah.
00:40:22.000 Eddie, for me, my dad took me and my brother to see Raw when I was 10, 1987, at Movie Land in Yonkers.
00:40:29.000 And my grandmother and mother were like, you can't take him to that.
00:40:32.000 And he's like, nah, okay, I won't.
00:40:33.000 And he took us.
00:40:34.000 And I just remember being there.
00:40:36.000 And...
00:40:37.000 For you, it was probably delirious, right?
00:40:40.000 No.
00:40:40.000 Well, for Eddie, yeah.
00:40:42.000 Eddie, it was delirious.
00:40:43.000 But for me, my parents took me to see Live in the Sunset Strip when I was like, I guess I was like 14 or 15. I was like first or second year of high school.
00:40:51.000 And I'll never forget that moment.
00:40:53.000 Because I couldn't believe how funny he was.
00:40:55.000 I had seen movies like Stripes, really funny movies.
00:40:58.000 And I laughed really hard, but not like this.
00:41:00.000 I remember very clearly looking around while the movie was going on, while everybody was just...
00:41:06.000 Falling out of their chair laughing, like laughing so hard.
00:41:09.000 And I was like, this is incredible.
00:41:10.000 All he's doing is talking.
00:41:12.000 I know.
00:41:13.000 I know!
00:41:14.000 Dude, when Eddie was just walking around talking about his drunk father telling his mother she can't leave the house.
00:41:20.000 Yeah.
00:41:20.000 When the Lillian may never...
00:41:22.000 And I'm just, I'm 10. So how does that resonate with a 10-year-old?
00:41:25.000 And I just was like, oh my god, he put me in a movie.
00:41:29.000 Like, he put me, I pictured his father in the kitchen writing that, and I'm just sitting there locked in, and I was like, this is the dude, man.
00:41:36.000 This is the dude.
00:41:37.000 And how nuts is it that he was done at 25 as far as Stan?
00:41:40.000 He did Raw at 25 and Delirious at 22. How fucking nuts is that?
00:41:44.000 He's still so good.
00:41:45.000 We played a thing the other day when we did a Protect Our Parks podcast with Gillis and Norman and Ari, and we watched this clip of him accepting an award, and he goes up and accepts an award and then does some stand-up.
00:41:58.000 He talked about Bill Cosby, did a Bill Cosby impression about them taking away Bill Cosby's awards.
00:42:03.000 It was fucking good, man, like solid timing.
00:42:06.000 Yeah.
00:42:06.000 If he got back into it now, he would be one of the fucking greatest comics alive.
00:42:12.000 I think so.
00:42:12.000 He could still do it.
00:42:13.000 I think so.
00:42:14.000 There was talk a few years ago about him doing a Netflix special, but I think for a guy like him, it's just like, you know, it's hard to like, you gotta do, you gotta just show up and start doing sets and then, you know, it's so easy for him to just show up on a movie set and he's the fucking man.
00:42:32.000 Yeah.
00:42:33.000 He doesn't have to worry about anything.
00:42:35.000 His catering's there.
00:42:38.000 I agree.
00:42:39.000 I think it would be great, but the work he's got to do.
00:42:41.000 It's a lot of work.
00:42:42.000 He's got to go out for a couple years, year and a half, two years, and really hit the clubs at least.
00:42:47.000 At least.
00:42:47.000 What does it say here?
00:42:48.000 This is an interview he gave to Kevin Hart about a year ago.
00:42:52.000 Because my plan was to do Dolomite, Saturday Night Live, Coming to America, and then do stand-up.
00:42:57.000 And then the pandemic hit.
00:42:59.000 Motherfucker!
00:43:00.000 Yeah.
00:43:00.000 And it shut the whole shit down.
00:43:02.000 Then I was going, the whole time last year, I would have been out working on my act, trying to get my shit right, and then the whole thing shut down.
00:43:08.000 Hey, when the pandemic is over, and it's safe for everybody to go out and do it, then the plan is to do it.
00:43:13.000 Alright, well the pandemic's over, Eddie.
00:43:16.000 Come on, man.
00:43:16.000 Come out.
00:43:17.000 Come out.
00:43:18.000 Yeah.
00:43:18.000 Come out.
00:43:19.000 Come down to the Vulcan.
00:43:20.000 Tuesday and Wednesday nights, Austin, Texas.
00:43:22.000 Come on down here, man.
00:43:24.000 That'd be amazing.
00:43:24.000 We had Roseanne go up.
00:43:26.000 Roseanne went up.
00:43:26.000 She hadn't done stand-up in fucking years.
00:43:28.000 And it was Stan Hope, me, Ron White, and Roseanne.
00:43:32.000 Oh, wow.
00:43:33.000 And Tony Hinchcliffe, and I think Hans Kim was on the show, too.
00:43:35.000 Yeah, Hans Kim was on the show, too.
00:43:37.000 And Roseanne went up and fucking murdered.
00:43:40.000 I mean murdered.
00:43:42.000 Wow.
00:43:43.000 Murdered.
00:43:44.000 How long has she not been on?
00:43:45.000 Years.
00:43:46.000 Oh, man.
00:43:47.000 Years.
00:43:47.000 Since all that shit happened.
00:43:49.000 I know that shit with her was at least, when she got canceled and kicked off her show, that was at least four years ago, right?
00:43:56.000 Wasn't it like three years ago, four years?
00:43:57.000 Because we were at the old, old studio.
00:43:59.000 Yeah, I think she had mentioned doing something with Dice briefly, but it was right around that time, too.
00:44:04.000 So maybe she did like a couple sets with him or something, but I don't know to what extent.
00:44:08.000 She's moving here.
00:44:09.000 Is she?
00:44:10.000 Yeah, she's moving to Texas.
00:44:11.000 She sends me messages all the time.
00:44:13.000 She sent me a text message the other day.
00:44:15.000 Fuck yeah, Texas.
00:44:16.000 Just out of nowhere.
00:44:17.000 That's it?
00:44:18.000 It's for me.
00:44:19.000 Dude, I'm such a fan.
00:44:21.000 I get a text message from Roseanne Barr.
00:44:23.000 Every now and then I'll get one from Dice Clay.
00:44:25.000 And I'm like, what the fuck, man?
00:44:27.000 Dice Clay texted me.
00:44:28.000 It's wild.
00:44:30.000 It's crazy, man.
00:44:31.000 You know who influenced me that probably has nothing to do with my style but was Rodney because my dad was such a Rodney fan.
00:44:39.000 Ah.
00:44:39.000 So he took us to Radio City to see Rodney during the back-to-school time, during the height of that.
00:44:46.000 So that's the thing.
00:44:47.000 My parents had this brutal, weird, awful divorce in the early 80s.
00:44:52.000 I only got to spend time with my dad on Sundays.
00:44:55.000 The courts were always more difficult for the father, but in the 80s especially.
00:45:01.000 But my father had all day Sunday with us and three hours Wednesday.
00:45:05.000 That's it.
00:45:06.000 Damn.
00:45:06.000 So my father had like 12, 11, 12 hours with his boys a week.
00:45:11.000 And, you know, but we just, he loved comedy.
00:45:15.000 He loved movies.
00:45:16.000 They would have, even when they were married, I remember I was five years old before they got divorced, but like Johnny Carson would be on.
00:45:20.000 They would, it was always around.
00:45:22.000 And like, that's the one thing, even though this horrible shit went down, it was like they had good senses of humor.
00:45:28.000 And it was like, so Eddie and Rodney were like the things that introduced me to stand up.
00:45:32.000 Comedy is important man.
00:45:33.000 It's I mean I know I'm not saying that to be a self-important person because I'm a comedian But I mean for me just for me if I never did comedy again Comedy is important for me just because like to laugh at things.
00:45:44.000 You know what I fucking love?
00:45:46.000 Memes.
00:45:47.000 Oh The the fucking internet provides me with so much goddamn the the my friends like the memes that we send each other back and forth Yeah, they just fine.
00:45:56.000 I don't know who's doing them.
00:45:57.000 I don't know who's making them and You know, I mean, I wish I knew all the guys who made all the memes so that I could credit them, but my God, there's some funny shit.
00:46:05.000 It's a totally different kind of comedy.
00:46:07.000 Yeah.
00:46:08.000 Dude, I don't watch stand-up now.
00:46:11.000 I don't really watch...
00:46:12.000 If a clip pops up...
00:46:14.000 Now that I'm trying to work hours and going, I don't like to watch stand-up and I don't watch specials.
00:46:18.000 I don't.
00:46:19.000 But if a clip pops up, like, dude, this one kid, we were talking, oh my God, his last name was Koff, I think I'm going to screw it up.
00:46:25.000 I should remember his kid's name.
00:46:26.000 Koff?
00:46:27.000 Koff or something like that.
00:46:28.000 K-O-F-F. But he had a joke, not my style, and I was fucking crying.
00:46:32.000 He goes, I love when things just pop up.
00:46:35.000 He goes...
00:46:36.000 I don't know the guy.
00:46:37.000 But I messaged him after.
00:46:38.000 I go, dude, I don't know you.
00:46:39.000 I go, this is fucked.
00:46:39.000 He goes, I don't know why people are afraid of werewolves.
00:46:42.000 He goes, we already have wolves.
00:46:44.000 And they're wolves all of the time.
00:46:46.000 He goes, that'd be like somebody going, you know what would make this grizzly attack worse?
00:46:49.000 If this bear was sometimes an accountant.
00:46:52.000 And I just fucking thought about this.
00:46:54.000 And it's so true.
00:46:56.000 It's like, because a wolf is always a wolf.
00:46:57.000 And we worry about the man turning into the wolf.
00:47:00.000 And I go, dude, that's so funny.
00:47:01.000 And I probably even butchered it a little bit.
00:47:02.000 But dude, I was just like, that is real.
00:47:04.000 So I love shit like that.
00:47:06.000 When something out of nowhere just gets you.
00:47:08.000 Yeah.
00:47:09.000 No, it's a beautiful thing.
00:47:13.000 That's one of the things that separates us from all the other animals.
00:47:16.000 We communicate and we say absurd things, and it's like a drug.
00:47:22.000 It's like there's something about watching someone kill that to me, even to this day, it makes me feel better.
00:47:28.000 It's like I just took a drug that made me feel better.
00:47:31.000 I'm laughing.
00:47:31.000 I'm having a good time.
00:47:33.000 The feeling you get when a big group of people is crying laughing and I'm talking about like when you see somebody like I love seeing the couple but I love seeing the woman go like I love seeing the woman go like this and the husband comes up after like dude she she she was crying laughing I love seeing my wife that's just such a cool emotion to give somebody because it's the only job it's the only job where that happens We actually make somebody,
00:47:57.000 you know, and what about when somebody's like, hey man, things were going really, you know, I went to Buffalo right after that shooting.
00:48:03.000 And I felt bad.
00:48:05.000 You worked there?
00:48:05.000 And I felt bad, Joe, even promoting the shows.
00:48:08.000 I can imagine.
00:48:09.000 Because I'm like, I didn't want to be like, hey, I'm going to be at Helium and, you know, and it was right after.
00:48:12.000 But I went out there, and the people came out, and I could tell it was weird.
00:48:17.000 And after the show, they were like, hey man, thank you so much.
00:48:20.000 And it ended up being a great time, and people were just like, hey, things have been really weird in this town.
00:48:24.000 And it kind of felt good to just, I did a one-nighter there.
00:48:27.000 I just, you know, working on some stuff.
00:48:28.000 I went out there, did a Thursday night in Buffalo, and they were just like, that was awesome, man.
00:48:32.000 Thank you.
00:48:32.000 This town needed it.
00:48:33.000 That is the only, this is the only job where that really happens, man.
00:48:37.000 And it's a special thing, and it's an amazing thing.
00:48:40.000 On the other hand, if you bomb, people got babysitters and they fucking...
00:48:45.000 Didn't you see the shooting?
00:48:46.000 What the fuck?
00:48:47.000 They have to go to work in the morning.
00:48:49.000 Oh my god.
00:48:49.000 So they're up late, they're mad, meandering through your fucking shitty set.
00:48:53.000 Ugh, that would be brutal, dude.
00:48:56.000 After a shooting?
00:48:57.000 Not even after a shooting, just a regular day.
00:49:00.000 Yeah, I know, but I don't want to kill my dumb- Any time.
00:49:03.000 That's the flip side.
00:49:04.000 You can make people feel- It's a great responsibility.
00:49:06.000 You have all these people's attention that it's on your head.
00:49:12.000 That's why I hate a bad special.
00:49:15.000 When I watch someone do a lazy special or a sloppy half-cooked special, I'm like, my God.
00:49:23.000 What are you doing?
00:49:24.000 Do you watch them all?
00:49:25.000 No.
00:49:25.000 No, I don't watch all of them.
00:49:27.000 I watched some specials.
00:49:28.000 I watched Ricky Gervais.
00:49:35.000 Not all of it, but I watched the first 15 minutes, all the trans stuff.
00:49:38.000 Fucking hilarious.
00:49:40.000 And he went for it.
00:49:42.000 In this day and age, I was kind of shocked that Netflix put it out.
00:49:46.000 Yeah.
00:49:47.000 But they put out that letter before they put it out saying, like, if you don't want to work with people whose content you don't agree with, please leave.
00:49:54.000 I love that.
00:49:55.000 I love that, too.
00:49:56.000 I think more comedy clubs should do that.
00:49:57.000 Well, it's not a comedy club.
00:49:58.000 It's Netflix.
00:49:59.000 Yeah, no, but I think comedy clubs should have a disclaimer outside before you walk in.
00:50:02.000 People are still in New York City, and as much as I love New York City, man, and New York City...
00:50:08.000 I'm going to tell you, man, when New York City is...
00:50:10.000 Popping and there's no pandemic and the comedy clubs are packed.
00:50:14.000 I don't know where is...
00:50:15.000 I mean, it's as good as it can be, but now, lately...
00:50:20.000 There's always, always a table or two of, you know, and don't say that.
00:50:25.000 And you could see them shut down and you could see this, you know.
00:50:30.000 Of course, of course.
00:50:33.000 But that's just, you know, what Ari said it best.
00:50:35.000 He said, those people aren't even from New York.
00:50:37.000 He's like, they grew up in Maine and they had this idea of what you're supposed to be when they come to New York.
00:50:41.000 So they come to New York, they dye their hair blue and they start complaining about everything.
00:50:45.000 That's true, but there are some New York liberals that are like, you know, that's really, really like over the top.
00:50:53.000 You know, over the top.
00:50:54.000 Yeah, Schultz was telling me that.
00:50:56.000 He's telling me that he did some sets and like two sets in a row people got upset at a subject matter.
00:51:01.000 He's like, give me time.
00:51:02.000 I'm going somewhere with this.
00:51:04.000 Yeah.
00:51:04.000 Like, don't just fucking get upset at a premise.
00:51:07.000 Like, the thing about comedy is you could set up a premise where it seems like you're gonna say something awful.
00:51:11.000 It seems awful.
00:51:13.000 And then by the end of the joke, it's on you.
00:51:16.000 Because you're the one who's the brunt of the joke, and it's not awful.
00:51:20.000 But if you interrupt it in the fucking beginning, you're gonna ruin everything.
00:51:24.000 See where I'm going.
00:51:25.000 I'm gonna take you somewhere.
00:51:26.000 Yeah, I had this bit, and this lady, it turned out she was like an executive at some television network, which makes sense that she was so confident.
00:51:36.000 She interrupted twice.
00:51:37.000 She interrupted my set.
00:51:40.000 I was doing this bit.
00:51:43.000 I said, women can do everything men can do, right?
00:51:46.000 And she was like, yeah.
00:51:47.000 I go, no, that's not true.
00:51:49.000 I go, here's why it's not true.
00:51:50.000 Because men can't do everything men can do.
00:51:52.000 That's why we have the Olympics.
00:51:53.000 I'm like, there's different shit people can't do.
00:51:57.000 It was a bit about this, there was a woman who was guarding the White House.
00:52:01.000 She didn't have a gun.
00:52:02.000 She was at the front door of the White House.
00:52:03.000 And some crazy guy hopped the fence, ran across the White House.
00:52:07.000 The dude who was supposed to be with the dogs was on the phone.
00:52:11.000 So there's a guy with a dog, he's on the phone, probably talking to his girlfriend or something like that.
00:52:16.000 And the woman who's guarding the front door, the door is wide open, she doesn't have a gun.
00:52:21.000 The guy opens the door, and the whole bit was like that this guy's running probably.
00:52:24.000 Is this my last step?
00:52:25.000 Is this the last step of my life?
00:52:27.000 Like he's thinking at any moment they're going to fucking shoot him.
00:52:29.000 He gets all the way to the door, opens it.
00:52:31.000 There's a girl there, no gun.
00:52:34.000 Smacks her to the ground and goes running through.
00:52:37.000 It's a crazy story.
00:52:38.000 And the Secret Service guy who's having coffee, who wasn't even on duty, guy who's having coffee, sees this guy run through the White House and tackles him.
00:52:46.000 That's how they caught the guy.
00:52:47.000 Nobody knew if he had a gun, nobody knew if he had a bomb, no nothing, right?
00:52:51.000 And the idea was like, the premise was that they shouldn't have a woman guarding the front door of the White House.
00:52:57.000 I go, you know how I know this?
00:52:59.000 I go, because I shouldn't be guarding the front door of the White House.
00:53:03.000 You know how I know this?
00:53:04.000 Because I met Shaquille O'Neal and his dick is where my face is.
00:53:08.000 I'm like, if the White House is experiencing a Shaq attack, I'm the wrong dude to save the world.
00:53:13.000 What did the dog do?
00:53:14.000 Well, the guy had the dogs.
00:53:17.000 He's got them in a kennel or something like that, and you would just release them if somebody went running through.
00:53:22.000 But the guy wasn't paying attention.
00:53:24.000 Wow.
00:53:25.000 People get sloppy.
00:53:26.000 They get lazy, and that's when shit happens.
00:53:28.000 Yeah, get lazy at a hospital fucking entrance, not at the White House.
00:53:32.000 Yeah, but people are fucking lazy, man.
00:53:35.000 Days become days.
00:53:36.000 It becomes normal that nothing happens, and you get slack.
00:53:40.000 Yeah, that's why.
00:53:41.000 But this lady interrupted.
00:53:42.000 She kept interrupting.
00:53:43.000 I go, no, I'm gonna explain to you where the bit goes.
00:53:46.000 See, the bit is making fun of me.
00:53:47.000 I'm gonna get to me.
00:53:48.000 Yeah.
00:53:49.000 And then so I had to, like, explain.
00:53:50.000 And then she fucking did it again.
00:53:51.000 I'm like, get this cunt out of here.
00:53:52.000 And then I called her a cunt, which is not, because it's all, like, clamped up.
00:53:56.000 I'm like, please, if anybody's a cunt...
00:54:02.000 This lady who just keeps interrupting jokes.
00:54:04.000 She had been doing that to the person before, too, though.
00:54:07.000 And they were trying to work their way through it, and it wasn't working out.
00:54:10.000 So I was kind of prepared for her.
00:54:12.000 I tried to be nice.
00:54:13.000 I gave her two chances, but she kept doing it.
00:54:15.000 And then we got her kicked out.
00:54:17.000 I was doing...
00:54:18.000 Yeah.
00:54:18.000 No, it's...
00:54:19.000 People don't understand.
00:54:20.000 Like, I was making fun of the lunacy of punching...
00:54:23.000 That Asians were getting punched in the face randomly in New York City because of COVID. And I was just making fun of the lunacy of it.
00:54:29.000 I was joking around.
00:54:30.000 I think I said something like...
00:54:31.000 I just go, guys, any jokes off limits?
00:54:34.000 Like, it was like right when things got back.
00:54:35.000 Any jokes off limits, guys?
00:54:36.000 And they go, no, bring it.
00:54:38.000 I go, come on, guys.
00:54:39.000 I go, this is liberal New York, guys.
00:54:41.000 Guys, any jokes?
00:54:42.000 No, bring it.
00:54:43.000 And I'm like, all right.
00:54:43.000 So things said, like, ah, man, I'm exhausted.
00:54:45.000 I go, I was...
00:54:46.000 Running around Times Square all day looking for Chinese people to punch in the face.
00:54:49.000 Totally, totally just goof.
00:54:50.000 And like, people laughing and I'm making fun of the people that fucking do that.
00:54:54.000 And this one was one like really woke.
00:54:57.000 He was like...
00:54:57.000 Oh, that's hilarious, huh?
00:54:59.000 You're hitting...
00:55:00.000 And I was just like, dude, come on.
00:55:01.000 It's like everybody...
00:55:02.000 Even an Asian dude in the front is laughing his ass off.
00:55:06.000 Like, I'm not doing that.
00:55:07.000 I'm making fun of the lunacy of it.
00:55:08.000 But that's what you get in New York.
00:55:10.000 You know my WNBA joke.
00:55:11.000 You're just one guy.
00:55:12.000 Misogynist!
00:55:13.000 And then they'll yell and put their head down.
00:55:14.000 That, unfortunately, is going on.
00:55:16.000 Yeah, but that's why you should get the fuck out of New York.
00:55:21.000 Polluted, shitty city.
00:55:22.000 Oh, dude, I did the Vulcan.
00:55:23.000 I headlined the Vulcan here and I was just like, this is fucking incredible.
00:55:26.000 It's wild, right?
00:55:28.000 Texas is a lot more fun.
00:55:29.000 It felt like what it should be, man.
00:55:31.000 Yeah.
00:55:32.000 In Texas, I mean, this is Austin.
00:55:33.000 Austin's a very progressive city, very liberal city.
00:55:36.000 But they're healthy liberal, like, for the most part.
00:55:39.000 There's crazy people here.
00:55:40.000 But it's a healthy level of liberal.
00:55:43.000 You know, they're just kind people, progressive, educated people.
00:55:47.000 But New York has like a, there's a thing going on there now where they think they're gonna revolutionize culture, they're gonna change culture, and they're gonna force everybody to think the way they think.
00:55:56.000 I got no problem with liberal, it's beyond liberal.
00:55:59.000 Like far, far right and far, far left, that's like the issue.
00:56:03.000 I got no problem with somebody, Democrat, Republican, it's the people that take it to a level that's just like, can I say something?
00:56:09.000 Can I have a fucking opinion on something?
00:56:10.000 And if that opinion doesn't fit, You know, one thing that I saw, and I know people talk about the Kanye West thing, but it's fucking really abusive to call somebody crazy because they don't agree or they like somebody that you don't like.
00:56:28.000 Now listen, I know Kanye West probably has his issues, like we all do, but calling somebody crazy because they don't fall with the narrative or because they may like somebody politically like that, that's fucking evil, man.
00:56:41.000 Well, he's crazy.
00:56:45.000 He's crazy in a brilliant way.
00:56:48.000 Like, Kanye West is a genius.
00:56:49.000 He's a legitimate genius.
00:56:51.000 Yeah, no, you could tell.
00:56:52.000 He's a fascinating guy to talk to, too, because you could tell.
00:56:55.000 He has a hard time having a conversation because I think ideas are just spinning around that dude's head like a mile a minute.
00:57:03.000 He wanted to redo the studio.
00:57:05.000 When he came in to do the podcast, he wanted to design a studio.
00:57:08.000 He was going to get a warehouse and have a studio built that looked like the inside of a womb.
00:57:14.000 Dude, he had drawings.
00:57:17.000 He was showing me, we're on a FaceTime, and he's showing me the images that he had drafted that people had made for him about this design that he wanted to do.
00:57:27.000 The only thing that fucked it up was that Jamie got COVID. And it would have been complicated to move everything to another place and Red Band sat in for Jamie.
00:57:35.000 You guys thought about doing it?
00:57:36.000 Yeah, I was like, fuck it.
00:57:37.000 You want to do it?
00:57:38.000 I thought it'd be fun.
00:57:39.000 Kanye wanted to do it.
00:57:40.000 Look, the fact that he wanted to do the podcast was cool.
00:57:42.000 And the fact that he wanted to make his own set, I'm like, fuck yeah, let's do it.
00:57:46.000 But it got to the point where I was like, listen, man, we're kind of fucked here, so let's just do the other studio.
00:57:51.000 And he's like, I understand.
00:57:52.000 He's reasonable, but I think he's grappling with a level of creativity that most of us could only dream of.
00:58:01.000 You know, I think the ideas that are bouncing around in his head.
00:58:05.000 Sure.
00:58:05.000 You know, I had my own misconceptions about him before I met him and talked to him.
00:58:10.000 He's actually a very nice guy.
00:58:12.000 But it's just, you know, he's a mad genius.
00:58:15.000 Would he have been as demonized, though, if he didn't, you know, support Trump?
00:58:20.000 Or, you know, that's my only thing.
00:58:22.000 And I'm not saying everything he says I agree with.
00:58:24.000 But as soon as he did that and said, hey, like, let's see what this guy has to say.
00:58:29.000 And I would do this for anybody, whether it was Trump or the other side, but as soon as he said that, since the media didn't like that, it felt like it was just like, is he okay?
00:58:36.000 Yeah, he was definitely not demonized before that the way he was afterwards.
00:58:39.000 I mean, everybody thought he was, like, eccentric before that, and then they thought he was crazy.
00:58:43.000 But you know what?
00:58:44.000 One of the reasons why he did that is because Obama called him a jackass.
00:58:48.000 Obama shit on him.
00:58:50.000 Called him a jackass?
00:58:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:58:53.000 Which is kind of crazy for the president.
00:58:55.000 Yeah.
00:58:55.000 But uncharacteristic for Obama, who's very, you know, statesman-like.
00:59:00.000 But he called him a jackass, and I think it's stuck in Kanye's head.
00:59:04.000 He's like, I'll show you, bitch, you know, and, like, I'll support the next guy.
00:59:07.000 Oh, okay.
00:59:08.000 I didn't know Barack did that, said that.
00:59:10.000 Yeah.
00:59:10.000 And I think also, like, Trump just lets him talk.
00:59:14.000 Trump had him in the White House.
00:59:15.000 He's like sitting there.
00:59:16.000 It's one of my favorite videos is Kanye with a MAGA hat on and he's in the White House with Trump and Trump is just sitting there listening to him.
00:59:26.000 Kanye's ranting and, you know, Kanye goes down roads and he just keeps ranting and just ranting about things and talking about things.
00:59:34.000 I think that's the way his mind works.
00:59:35.000 I think it's just a fucking, there it is.
00:59:37.000 Like, look at this.
00:59:38.000 Give me some volume on this.
00:59:39.000 Look at Trump's face.
00:59:41.000 Give me some volume and play it from the beginning.
00:59:43.000 Go from the beginning.
00:59:44.000 Look at this.
00:59:46.000 Look at Trump!
00:59:53.000 First of all, how orange is he?
00:59:55.000 What's up in his eyes?
00:59:57.000 He doesn't spray tan on his eyes.
01:00:01.000 Showing that he actually had power, that he wasn't just one of a monolithic voice that he could wrap people around.
01:00:06.000 So there's theories that there's infinite amounts of universe and there's alternate universes.
01:00:13.000 This is me if I spark the joint and went to the White House.
01:00:16.000 That's the kind of shit I would talk about.
01:00:23.000 Look at Trump!
01:00:34.000 Don't these motherfuckers have silent cameras?
01:00:36.000 They're so distracting.
01:00:38.000 You're interrupting his rant.
01:00:39.000 There's Jim Brown next to him.
01:00:41.000 ...said that welfare is the reason why a lot of black people end up being Democrats.
01:00:45.000 They say, you know, first of all, it's a limit to the amount of jobs.
01:00:49.000 This goes on for 20 minutes.
01:00:51.000 Does he really just keep talking?
01:00:52.000 Trump is just sitting there like, hmm, interesting.
01:00:54.000 I don't really say don't, I don't say negative words.
01:00:56.000 I mean, at this point in time, what is trouble?
01:00:59.000 I love that he showed the fucking password of his phone.
01:01:02.000 They filmed his password.
01:01:04.000 If you ever get a hold of Kanye's phone, it's all zeros.
01:01:08.000 It's a hydrogen airplane and this is what our president should be flying in.
01:01:18.000 See, he designed a fucking airplane.
01:01:21.000 This is what our president should be flying in.
01:01:22.000 He went like this and tilted his head.
01:01:24.000 That's what you do to a little kid when they show you something.
01:01:27.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:01:28.000 If my two-year-old made a drawing, I'd go...
01:01:29.000 That does look like a flower.
01:01:33.000 That does look like a flower.
01:01:34.000 Don't suck on your crayons.
01:01:36.000 Yeah.
01:01:37.000 Well, I just don't like, you know, I just don't like if anything is different, you just really do get fucking, you know, you get demonized or you just get the way they go at you, man.
01:01:46.000 You know.
01:01:46.000 Oh, yeah.
01:01:47.000 You know.
01:01:48.000 And I gotta be honest with you, man.
01:01:50.000 And I'm serious, dude.
01:01:51.000 And I say this before.
01:01:52.000 I'm not just saying this because I'm on your show, man.
01:01:53.000 Like...
01:01:54.000 The way you take, the way you fucking, the way they come at you or whatever and you just, you know, it's really fucking remarkable, dude.
01:02:01.000 It's remarkable and it's inspiring.
01:02:03.000 I'm not even joking.
01:02:03.000 I'm not even bullshitting.
01:02:04.000 It's inspiring to see...
01:02:07.000 I get pissed off if someone's like, I didn't like that bit.
01:02:10.000 I'm a fucking mess.
01:02:11.000 You got all this shit.
01:02:13.000 It's an inspiration, man.
01:02:15.000 Thank you.
01:02:16.000 It can't be easy.
01:02:18.000 We're all human.
01:02:18.000 You know what I mean?
01:02:19.000 Yeah, we're all human.
01:02:20.000 But I've been doing this for long.
01:02:24.000 I'm amused by people.
01:02:27.000 I'm fascinated by it.
01:02:28.000 You know, like when I'd see little Fats O'Brien Stelter talking shit about me on CNN, it made me laugh.
01:02:34.000 I'm like, you're a dork.
01:02:36.000 Of course you don't like me.
01:02:38.000 Like, a dork not liking me and telling me I should be fired.
01:02:42.000 Like, shut the fuck up, man.
01:02:45.000 Like, look at you.
01:02:46.000 How can anybody say somebody should be fired because they don't...
01:02:49.000 Some people should be fired.
01:02:50.000 But it's like...
01:02:52.000 What goes on is people love to pile on people and they love to try to get people fired.
01:02:57.000 It's like a new sport.
01:03:00.000 When people talk about cancel culture isn't real or cancel culture is real, whatever you want to call cancel culture.
01:03:06.000 But what is real is that people, especially with the advent of social media, because everybody has a point, Everybody has an opinion that they can express.
01:03:15.000 They love to pile on and then try to do something about it.
01:03:19.000 They love to try to attack someone's sponsors.
01:03:22.000 They do that with various people where they'll go after their sponsors or they try to get their videos removed from YouTube or they're doing things like that.
01:03:30.000 It's just because people have the ability to enact change.
01:03:34.000 And it only really works if companies give in to it.
01:03:37.000 And to Spotify's credit, one of the brilliant things that they did was nothing.
01:03:42.000 They just said, you know, we're not going to censor rappers.
01:03:45.000 We're not going to stop them from saying what they want to say.
01:03:47.000 We're not going to stop Joe either.
01:03:48.000 This is what he does.
01:03:50.000 This is what he's always done.
01:03:51.000 We're going to leave him alone.
01:03:52.000 And also what Netflix has made statements, you know, backing people up.
01:03:55.000 That's been amazing.
01:03:56.000 I'm glad they did that because they, well, Also, they took a giant fucking hit in their stocks.
01:04:00.000 Their stock came fucking tumbling down when Elon was talking about how they're unwatchable because of their woke ideology.
01:04:08.000 And then, you know, that Cuties movie.
01:04:10.000 There was like a bunch of things that happened where everybody's like, hey, hey, what the fuck are you guys doing?
01:04:15.000 And so then they kind of reeled it in and with the Dave Chappelle thing the Dave Chappelle thing pissed me off more than anything because first of all Dave's a good friend and he's amazing.
01:04:24.000 He's an amazing guy He's an amazing comedian and the bits that he had on his show were not transphobic.
01:04:31.000 They just weren't What they were was him talking about someone that was a very close friend of his that committed suicide.
01:04:38.000 Someone he cared about.
01:04:39.000 It was almost like a love letter to a friend that committed suicide who happened to be transgender and along the way there's some jokes about it.
01:04:45.000 And it's not transphobic.
01:04:48.000 He's not never saying there's something wrong with these people, they shouldn't be that way, we should get rid of them.
01:04:54.000 There's none of that.
01:04:55.000 There's none of that in that.
01:04:56.000 But no one cited any individual bits.
01:05:01.000 That was the most fucked up thing about it.
01:05:03.000 They didn't cite any individual bits.
01:05:05.000 They didn't say, he said this and this is bad.
01:05:07.000 They just put this blanket of transphobia on it, and then a bunch of people chimed in, including other comics.
01:05:15.000 You know, it was weird.
01:05:16.000 Wild!
01:05:17.000 No, that can't happen.
01:05:18.000 It's all comics that sucked, though.
01:05:20.000 It was all comics that sucked.
01:05:21.000 It was all comics.
01:05:22.000 There was a few that are pretty decent, but they're captured by their woke crowd that had disparaging comments, not too specific.
01:05:30.000 But there was a few that were terrible comedians that decided this was where they were going to declare war on good comedy.
01:05:38.000 Somebody said, it might have been Bobby Kelly said, we should be like we're in the mob.
01:05:42.000 Keep it shut.
01:05:44.000 Talk to each other amongst each other.
01:05:45.000 You don't go out publicly and say that, man.
01:05:47.000 You can't do that.
01:05:48.000 Well, the ones who do it are just terrible.
01:05:50.000 You know, you see that all the time.
01:05:52.000 The ones who are constantly attacking other comedians for their material, their act.
01:05:57.000 Generally speaking, they're not doing well.
01:05:59.000 It's never people that are doing really well that are attacking people.
01:06:03.000 It's always people that are struggling.
01:06:04.000 Yeah, like you're not satisfied with what you're doing, so it's a projection.
01:06:07.000 Well, it's like you try to bring people down because they're doing better than you.
01:06:11.000 Yeah, it sucks.
01:06:12.000 If you see someone and they're attacking someone like a Chappelle or a Chris Rock or someone who's at the top of the game or Louis or Bill, a lot of times those people are doing it And they're coming at it from a place of envy.
01:06:26.000 I actually just had a conversation with a comic about this last night.
01:06:29.000 He was shitting on this comic and I said, hey man, I'm like, that guy is a nice fucking guy and he's funny.
01:06:34.000 He was shitting on John Mulaney.
01:06:35.000 I was like, he's a nice guy and he's a funny guy.
01:06:38.000 And just because he's doing well and you're not, don't come to me with that shit because you could be doing that about me when I'm not looking.
01:06:45.000 Yeah, and there's no reason for that.
01:06:48.000 One success story is not going to hurt anybody else.
01:06:52.000 If anything, man, it's just good for comedy.
01:06:54.000 Exactly.
01:06:55.000 It's just good for comedy, man.
01:06:57.000 God bless you, you know?
01:06:58.000 Go get it.
01:06:59.000 Yeah, I feel the same way about music.
01:07:01.000 I feel the same way about films.
01:07:03.000 There's films that I don't like, but other people love.
01:07:05.000 There's music that I don't enjoy, but it's very popular.
01:07:08.000 That's okay.
01:07:09.000 I'm obviously very different than other people.
01:07:12.000 Everybody's different.
01:07:13.000 You know, some people are...
01:07:14.000 Yeah, it's subjective.
01:07:15.000 Yeah, it's fucking...
01:07:16.000 The world is filled with options and choices.
01:07:19.000 The problem with comedy is, like, everybody feels like other people's success somehow or another detracts from their own.
01:07:26.000 And so they compare themselves.
01:07:28.000 What is that old...
01:07:29.000 Is it Thomas Jefferson who said that?
01:07:30.000 Comparison is a thief of joy?
01:07:34.000 I love that quote.
01:07:35.000 But that's a great quote.
01:07:36.000 That's a great quote.
01:07:37.000 Comparison is a thief of joy.
01:07:39.000 You start comparing your life and like, my God, man, you could be living in a third world country under the rule of a dictator, you know, with food rations, barely getting by, watching your children go hungry.
01:07:49.000 Instead, you're out there killing it, and you're upset because someone's killing it more than you?
01:07:54.000 And just go your way.
01:07:55.000 A lot of guys try to, like...
01:07:57.000 Theodore Roosevelt.
01:07:59.000 Comparison is a thief of joy.
01:08:01.000 That's a good one.
01:08:02.000 You know who's got great quotes is John Wooden.
01:08:04.000 He's got two of my favorites.
01:08:06.000 One is failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
01:08:09.000 It's a great one.
01:08:10.000 But another one is the greatest thing a man could do for his children is love their mother.
01:08:15.000 That one hits.
01:08:17.000 That's a good one.
01:08:19.000 He's got some really good ones.
01:08:21.000 But going back to what you said, it's like...
01:08:24.000 I cut people like that out because, you know, coming up there would be people like, you know, because I would be, the knock on me was always, oh, Verzi's too positive.
01:08:33.000 Oh, Verzi's too positive.
01:08:34.000 He's too happy.
01:08:35.000 He's too positive.
01:08:36.000 He's never, he's a, and people would.
01:08:38.000 Who said that?
01:08:38.000 Oh, dude.
01:08:39.000 I saw, like, just, just, no, just come.
01:08:41.000 Name, name.
01:08:42.000 People would be like, oh, here goes Verzi, glass half full.
01:08:45.000 And that's how I am.
01:08:48.000 That's a weird knock.
01:08:50.000 That sounds like a positive quality.
01:08:52.000 Yeah, but I saw it was because they didn't have it.
01:08:55.000 And it was a projection.
01:08:58.000 And listen, I was as insecure as could be, but you know what?
01:09:02.000 It doesn't matter, man.
01:09:04.000 Run your race.
01:09:05.000 You know what it reminds me of?
01:09:07.000 There was a pitcher, you might know this pitcher, Mariano Rivera for the Yankees.
01:09:11.000 Closer.
01:09:11.000 Best pitcher.
01:09:12.000 Best relief pitcher of all time.
01:09:13.000 It's not even close.
01:09:14.000 Best relief pitcher.
01:09:14.000 When Mariano Rivera would come into a Yankee game, the percentage of them winning was 98%.
01:09:19.000 He would just come in and it was a fucking rap.
01:09:21.000 Right?
01:09:21.000 It was a rap.
01:09:22.000 And the reason why it was a rap is because he reinvented himself after 97 and he threw what they call the cutter.
01:09:28.000 He threw a cutter.
01:09:29.000 Right?
01:09:29.000 94 miles an hour.
01:09:31.000 Everybody knew it was coming.
01:09:33.000 And he would saw your fucking bat off and he would strike you out.
01:09:36.000 You would see him.
01:09:37.000 The point of this is you would see him in the bullpen showing pitchers how to throw.
01:09:41.000 Everyone would be like, dude, you have the best pitcher.
01:09:42.000 And he would be there.
01:09:43.000 But he was a very skinny, lanky guy.
01:09:47.000 He would be showing other pitchers with different body types.
01:09:49.000 They would go and it wasn't because that was his shit.
01:09:52.000 The way his mechanics, the way his hips would turn, the way his lanky arm would release it.
01:09:57.000 That's why his cutter was so effective.
01:09:59.000 So these other guys were the big fucking pitcher trying to do it.
01:10:02.000 It wasn't effective.
01:10:03.000 And I always look at it.
01:10:04.000 It's like when I hear comics try to do what other comics are doing, like, well, look what that one's doing.
01:10:08.000 You always hear that, too.
01:10:08.000 You always be at a comedy club.
01:10:10.000 Well, look what so-and-so's doing.
01:10:11.000 Look what so-and-so's doing.
01:10:11.000 It's like...
01:10:12.000 Do your shit.
01:10:13.000 Do your path.
01:10:14.000 And if my path is that I'm too positive and that I'm a fucking happy guy and I'm kind of content with my life and my family and shit and you're going to knock that, then knock it.
01:10:23.000 Because I'll be honest, dude, I don't have time for it, man.
01:10:26.000 I've been to hell.
01:10:27.000 I've been to hell with anxiety and depression.
01:10:28.000 I've been to hell with shit that happened when I was younger.
01:10:30.000 What the fuck can you do to me?
01:10:32.000 All it is is gravy for me.
01:10:36.000 Nothing is going to hurt me because I've been to fucking hell.
01:10:39.000 So if I'm going to see some guy doing good, or I'm going to see somebody going good, but man, if somebody does shit that I don't respect, I may go, if me and you were smoking a stick, I'd be like, dude, I wouldn't fucking, you know, I don't know if I would do that.
01:10:52.000 But it would never be in like a, because that's just not who I am.
01:10:56.000 And if people want to knock that, but it's projection.
01:10:58.000 It's really projection of what people have going on with themselves.
01:11:02.000 Yeah, there's a lot of that.
01:11:04.000 It's a lot of just, they don't like where they're at, and so they compare, and they don't like what other people are doing because it makes them think about what they're doing.
01:11:16.000 I used to not like alt clubs for that reason, because you'd go to an alt club and people would be mad if you tried hard.
01:11:22.000 Like, I remember, like, there was some comics that were making fun of this guy for being so physical.
01:11:28.000 Yeah, like, lazy shit was cool.
01:11:31.000 Like, just staying up there and, like, you know, just my friends were hanging.
01:11:35.000 It's like, no.
01:11:36.000 Really casual, low-energy comedy.
01:11:40.000 Yeah, I remember I was talking to this guy.
01:11:42.000 He was making fun of Brewer.
01:11:43.000 And I was like, are you out of your fucking mind?
01:11:45.000 Do you know how funny Brewer is?
01:11:46.000 And he's, you know, Brewer is all physical and energy and he's all fucking, he's just a character.
01:11:52.000 And he was killing.
01:11:54.000 And they were like, you know, like you're fucking up there dancing.
01:11:57.000 Like, what are you doing?
01:11:57.000 Like, what do you mean what is he doing?
01:11:58.000 He's being entertaining.
01:12:00.000 Oh, you mean he's doing something that you don't have the fucking ability to do?
01:12:02.000 Well, it's not even that they don't have the ability.
01:12:04.000 They choose not to because then you're putting yourself out there, you know?
01:12:08.000 Oh, okay.
01:12:09.000 So they don't want to release that.
01:12:12.000 Yeah.
01:12:12.000 Well, I mean, maybe they don't have it in their personality.
01:12:14.000 It looks like Stephen Wright didn't have energy, but he's still brilliant, you know?
01:12:18.000 You don't have to have energy.
01:12:20.000 But some people, that's how they do it.
01:12:23.000 Like Kinnison.
01:12:23.000 You're trying to tell me Kinnison should have been an alt-comic?
01:12:26.000 What the fuck are you saying?
01:12:28.000 That was his whole thing, was that he had all this energy.
01:12:31.000 You want to tell me that's not good comedy?
01:12:32.000 You're out of your fucking mind.
01:12:34.000 Because he's one of the greats.
01:12:35.000 It's like there's different ways to do things.
01:12:38.000 You just got to figure out what works best for you.
01:12:41.000 And one of the best ways to figure out what works best for you is to concentrate on you.
01:12:44.000 Don't concentrate on other people.
01:12:46.000 Yeah, because, and everybody, even people that are doing good, were aware that person was, right?
01:12:51.000 We all had that shit.
01:12:53.000 Yeah.
01:12:54.000 Yeah, it's, uh, it's comedies, like, in a lot of ways.
01:12:57.000 It's analogous to life.
01:12:58.000 Like, the amount of energy that you spend focusing on yourself and trying to do better and being honest and objective.
01:13:04.000 That's going to benefit you in all areas of your life.
01:13:06.000 Because if you could apply that sort of strategy to other things, your friendships, your relationships, your job, whatever else you do outside of that, it's the same thing.
01:13:17.000 Just do your best and try to figure out what's wrong with the parts that suck.
01:13:22.000 Try to make them better.
01:13:24.000 Try to see if you can improve upon things.
01:13:27.000 It's a constant process.
01:13:28.000 And in that constant process, there's a lot of joy in watching things get better.
01:13:34.000 Yeah, no, absolutely, and sometimes you need people outside of you to see it.
01:13:38.000 I remember my wife, a couple of people I'm talking about that, oh, too positive, too this and that, they're not doing comedy anymore, but I remember my wife would go, every time that person calls you, something happens to you.
01:13:48.000 Like, there's an angst, there's something like that.
01:13:50.000 She would go, and she would, why don't you just get that person out of your life?
01:13:53.000 But I had this thing like, hang on, and maybe I could, you know, but she was like, there's no reason for that.
01:13:57.000 No, people will rob you of your time.
01:14:00.000 You have to be very careful about time, vampires.
01:14:03.000 Because there's people that they will rob you.
01:14:06.000 They'll just fill your time up with bullshit.
01:14:09.000 You know, I've had friends before that would just complain all the time, and it just got to the point where I was like, Jesus Christ, I can't keep this person in my life.
01:14:15.000 All they do is complain.
01:14:16.000 It's one thing if you're complaining, like Burr complains a lot, but it's funny.
01:14:21.000 It's like he's complaining in a comedic style on purpose.
01:14:25.000 Right.
01:14:25.000 Like, that's what he's doing.
01:14:26.000 And it's great to be around.
01:14:27.000 It makes you laugh.
01:14:28.000 Oh, yeah.
01:14:28.000 But some people are just bitching about stuff, and that shit doesn't get anybody anywhere.
01:14:34.000 Yeah.
01:14:35.000 It's funny.
01:14:35.000 When Bird does that sometimes, I'll leave the joke and be like, what happened?
01:14:38.000 Did something happen on the way in?
01:14:39.000 Yeah.
01:14:41.000 Well, he's got an interesting muscle because the way he does this podcast is really fascinating to me.
01:14:47.000 It's him and Tim Dillon.
01:14:49.000 They both have the same muscle.
01:14:50.000 And it's this rant muscle.
01:14:52.000 And it's one of the reasons why is because they do a podcast with no guest.
01:14:56.000 Yeah.
01:14:56.000 So Bill will fill up, you know, hour and a half, two hours of just talking shit about things, and the amount of premises that he pulls from that are huge.
01:15:06.000 Yeah.
01:15:06.000 Because he's always got this thing, like, he's aware that people are listening, so he's got to kind of keep it moving constantly, and there's always something to talk about, and in this uninterrupted ranting style that he has, it's like one of the best gardens for material, because he can just pluck material out of that.
01:15:23.000 I remember when I started doing the Verzi effect, which is a lot of the time alone.
01:15:28.000 I don't go two hours, but a lot of time alone.
01:15:30.000 And then sometimes with the guest.
01:15:32.000 But he said to me, watch what happens to your stand-up after.
01:15:35.000 I remember he said, he goes, watch how much better your stand-up's going to get after doing the podcast.
01:15:39.000 And I remembered some things that I would talk about or I'd get excited about and start getting...
01:15:44.000 Then all of a sudden you'd be on stage somewhere and you'd...
01:15:48.000 See something or feel something, put the act aside, and then that muscle activates because that's what you're used to doing.
01:15:53.000 And I said to him, like, holy shit, you're right.
01:15:55.000 He's like, yeah, because you're really almost doing a show at nobody there.
01:15:58.000 Right.
01:15:58.000 You're doing a show at nobody there.
01:16:00.000 Yeah.
01:16:00.000 And you got to keep, like you said, you got to keep it up.
01:16:03.000 Yeah, the two guys that I know that do that, Tim Dillon and him, are two of the fucking best guys at coming up with new shit.
01:16:11.000 I saw Dillon about a month and a half ago, two months ago at the Vulcan.
01:16:16.000 Holy shit did he kill.
01:16:18.000 I pulled him aside, I'm like, dude, you're on a whole new level.
01:16:21.000 You're on a whole new level.
01:16:22.000 And he's like, I've been doing The Road, and it's The Road, but it's also those goddamn podcasts that he does solo.
01:16:28.000 Yeah, I think the combination of the two just give you something, man.
01:16:32.000 Yeah, it's like, you know, you're aware that people are listening, so it forces that muscle.
01:16:37.000 It forces that muscle to grow.
01:16:39.000 I should probably do a solo podcast, like one solo episode a month or something like that.
01:16:44.000 It's just like really, yeah, just for material.
01:16:46.000 Maybe I don't even release it.
01:16:48.000 It probably would fucking...
01:16:50.000 Dude, it does something, man.
01:16:51.000 Yeah, it's probably a good move.
01:16:54.000 Because just conversation skills.
01:16:57.000 Like, you develop conversation skills from talking to people.
01:17:00.000 Like, you know, this kind of conversation.
01:17:02.000 Yeah.
01:17:03.000 So many people don't have conversation skills.
01:17:05.000 They're just not good at talking to people.
01:17:07.000 Yeah.
01:17:07.000 A lot of comics are bad at it because they're thinking about themselves all the time.
01:17:11.000 Right.
01:17:11.000 Yeah.
01:17:12.000 I did a podcast once and I told a story, a really funny story about being on a Judd Apatow thing.
01:17:18.000 And I was fucking...
01:17:19.000 And it was really awesome.
01:17:20.000 And they just...
01:17:22.000 Thinking about what they were going to say next and I saw it.
01:17:24.000 You know when you talk to somebody and you just see their fucking eyes and I'm telling this story and they go, oh yeah, so then I did it and I'm like, alright, what the fuck am I doing?
01:17:32.000 Yeah, they're not connecting with your story at all.
01:17:34.000 That's a real narcissistic and just whatever.
01:17:37.000 Yeah.
01:17:38.000 That's the problem with comedy, right?
01:17:40.000 There's a lot of that.
01:17:41.000 There's a lot of people that are just self-obsessed.
01:17:43.000 Especially people that haven't quite gotten to a level where they're comfortable yet.
01:17:47.000 They're still sort of struggling.
01:17:49.000 And I think I know another reason why.
01:17:51.000 I think another reason why is because I don't think a lot of people have, not everybody, I don't want to speak for everybody, but I think a lot of those people don't have other things like families and like things in their life, you know, because that's number one.
01:18:04.000 And when you see people that, you know, are living in a studio, one bedroom apartment, running around, just doing spots, don't have anybody, it's just all me, me, you know, and then you're like, I'm going, you know.
01:18:14.000 I remember one time somebody knocked me for having a family.
01:18:16.000 They were like, what do you got now, Versi 6 kids?
01:18:18.000 I'm like, no, still two.
01:18:19.000 You just have none.
01:18:20.000 Who?
01:18:21.000 Your guy was making fun of you for having children?
01:18:23.000 No, it was actually a female...
01:18:24.000 Sure wasn't Ari?
01:18:27.000 Actually, Ari came up to my house with my son.
01:18:30.000 He was so great with kids.
01:18:31.000 The funny thing about Ari is he doesn't want kids.
01:18:33.000 He's amazing with kids.
01:18:34.000 My kids love them.
01:18:35.000 He's giving my kids high five.
01:18:36.000 They're playing wiffle ball in the backyard.
01:18:38.000 I'm like, what are you?
01:18:38.000 He would come over to my house and give my daughter t-shirts.
01:18:41.000 Oh, yeah.
01:18:42.000 He'd have cool t-shirts for her.
01:18:43.000 How good of a dad would that guy be?
01:18:44.000 I think he'd be a great dad.
01:18:46.000 I know.
01:18:47.000 He gets it in his head that he doesn't want the responsibility, but he loves having a dog.
01:18:52.000 It's like he thinks it's going to take away from his fun and all that stuff, but everybody's got their own path.
01:18:58.000 Do what you want to do.
01:18:59.000 It's okay.
01:19:00.000 I think comedy is what I do.
01:19:05.000 It's not who I am.
01:19:06.000 Who I am is...
01:19:07.000 And I look at it like that.
01:19:08.000 Because if it's who you are and everything around you, then all you can be is narcissistic, me, me, me, because that's what the business calls for.
01:19:15.000 Yeah, especially if you want to concentrate on your act, right?
01:19:18.000 You're concentrating on yourself all the time.
01:19:20.000 Yeah.
01:19:21.000 Yeah, I think having a varied life is very important.
01:19:24.000 Well, at least it is from my mind.
01:19:25.000 My mind needs other things to do.
01:19:28.000 I can't just concentrate on one thing.
01:19:29.000 I always have multiple things going on.
01:19:32.000 When people say, like, I'm bored, I don't even know what that means.
01:19:36.000 I don't have the ability to be bored.
01:19:38.000 I have so many interests.
01:19:40.000 I don't have enough days.
01:19:41.000 I don't have enough hours in the day.
01:19:44.000 I wish I had multiple lives to live simultaneously.
01:19:47.000 I would be a race car driver.
01:19:48.000 I'd be a professional pool player.
01:19:50.000 I would have a bunch of different things that I would do.
01:19:53.000 Are you one of those guys when you're home, like you'll build a deck and shit?
01:19:56.000 No.
01:20:01.000 No, I got friends that do that.
01:20:02.000 They come home and they just start making shit.
01:20:03.000 They start building shit.
01:20:04.000 I'm just like...
01:20:05.000 Well, that's cool, too, if that's what you're into.
01:20:07.000 Yeah, I can't.
01:20:08.000 I probably would get into it.
01:20:09.000 I bet if I started building a deck, I'd probably take great satisfaction in it.
01:20:13.000 But I also don't get into things that I know are going to take too much time because I don't have that.
01:20:19.000 That's why I won't play golf.
01:20:20.000 Oh, dude.
01:20:21.000 Yeah.
01:20:22.000 Do you play?
01:20:22.000 I just got, Bill just called me up and he goes, Verzi, you're going to be real fucking happy.
01:20:26.000 And he goes, I just did this golf thing and I'm in.
01:20:29.000 And he goes, we got to, even though we don't work together anymore, he goes, we got to do something where we do one outing a year.
01:20:35.000 So, oh yeah, I, I, I, cause this is the thing about golf.
01:20:37.000 It gets a bad rap.
01:20:38.000 It's, it's you versus your brain, dude.
01:20:40.000 And it really is.
01:20:41.000 And all these guys are like, fuck golf!
01:20:43.000 Golf is like, you know, it's hard and you suck at it.
01:20:45.000 That's why.
01:20:45.000 And it takes a lot to get good at it.
01:20:47.000 And it does.
01:20:48.000 Because all it is is your score getting lower.
01:20:50.000 And Joe, it is the most mental.
01:20:52.000 Because one inch wrong.
01:20:54.000 One turn wrong.
01:20:55.000 The fucking ball's gone and your score is shit.
01:20:57.000 And when you're sitting there and you go, that's why Tiger, man.
01:20:59.000 When Tiger was at the height...
01:21:01.000 And like, remember when Tiger was, I'm talking about when he was winning the Masters by like 18 strokes.
01:21:05.000 The second guy was so far behind.
01:21:07.000 His mental thing, he was like, he just knew.
01:21:09.000 But you stand over that ball and you have to make a shot to save that hole.
01:21:12.000 It's a mental game between yourself.
01:21:15.000 And it's amazing.
01:21:16.000 And golf, I was just actually talking to one of your guys out there.
01:21:20.000 There's good golf out here.
01:21:21.000 Oh, yeah.
01:21:22.000 Do you play or no?
01:21:23.000 No, no, no.
01:21:24.000 Jamie does.
01:21:24.000 That motherfucker's obsessed.
01:21:26.000 Are you?
01:21:26.000 Jamie has a machine out back where he whacks golf balls into this giant net.
01:21:30.000 Oh, nice.
01:21:31.000 And it shows him on the computer how fast his drive is.
01:21:35.000 Wait, you don't have that here, do you?
01:21:37.000 Yeah, he does.
01:21:39.000 In this thing?
01:21:40.000 This place is big.
01:21:41.000 There's a lot of shit going on in this place.
01:21:42.000 I'll show you afterwards.
01:21:43.000 Can I whack a drive into the screen?
01:21:46.000 God!
01:21:48.000 And here's the thing.
01:21:49.000 Golf is a four or five hour mental break.
01:21:52.000 And you know when the best time to go?
01:21:53.000 I go on Father's Day.
01:21:55.000 I tell my wife, don't call.
01:21:57.000 Just don't call for five hours.
01:21:59.000 I'll come home.
01:22:00.000 Because sometimes you're on the course and they're like, hey, you want to pick up dinner?
01:22:03.000 When you're coming home, what hole you on?
01:22:05.000 Ruins it.
01:22:06.000 You know, I ruined it, but...
01:22:08.000 You need a little escape.
01:22:09.000 Yeah, I get it.
01:22:09.000 It's an escape.
01:22:10.000 It's a mental...
01:22:11.000 It's a four-hour vacation, even when you're close to home, because it's outdoors.
01:22:15.000 You see wildlife.
01:22:16.000 You just see shit running by.
01:22:18.000 I bet it's awesome.
01:22:19.000 And you can bring booze, sticks.
01:22:22.000 I bet it's awesome.
01:22:23.000 It's like a fucking guy party.
01:22:24.000 It's amazing.
01:22:25.000 And when he says sticks, he means cigars, ladies and gentlemen.
01:22:27.000 A lot of people are like, what is this stick talk?
01:22:29.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:22:29.000 I'm sorry.
01:22:30.000 East Coast.
01:22:30.000 I'm sorry, yeah.
01:22:31.000 Oh, is that?
01:22:31.000 Yes.
01:22:32.000 East Coast cigar talk.
01:22:34.000 A stick is a cigar, so, yeah.
01:22:36.000 These are good, by the way.
01:22:37.000 Oh, yeah.
01:22:38.000 It's a Connecticut wrapper.
01:22:40.000 Is that you out there?
01:22:40.000 No, no.
01:22:41.000 Who's this?
01:22:42.000 Oh, that's the guy with the fucking grizzly bear, yeah.
01:22:44.000 I sent this to Jamie.
01:22:45.000 This guy's trying to nail this putt, and there's a literal fucking grizzly bear behind him.
01:22:49.000 Where is this?
01:22:50.000 Do we know?
01:22:50.000 No, but there's been a few videos like this where there's a lot of bears on courses.
01:22:55.000 Can you make that bigger?
01:22:55.000 Is that a brown bear or a black bear?
01:22:57.000 That might be a black bear that's a color-faced bear, which is not as dangerous.
01:23:01.000 That looks like a grizzly.
01:23:03.000 That looks like a grizzly with the different shades of brown.
01:23:06.000 Well, you get that in black bears.
01:23:08.000 Oh, do you?
01:23:09.000 Yeah.
01:23:09.000 They're called color-faced bears.
01:23:11.000 Mammoth Mountain.
01:23:12.000 Mammoth Mountain.
01:23:13.000 Let's find out where that is.
01:23:14.000 Where is that at?
01:23:16.000 Mammoth Mountain.
01:23:17.000 Mammoth is in California.
01:23:18.000 Mammoth?
01:23:18.000 Oh, then it's a brown bear.
01:23:19.000 Then it's a black bear then.
01:23:21.000 If it's Mammoth Mountain in Mammoth, California?
01:23:25.000 Okay.
01:23:26.000 Yeah, that's Mammoth.
01:23:28.000 That's not as dangerous.
01:23:30.000 That's less dangerous.
01:23:31.000 Not a lot less dangerous.
01:23:34.000 When they attack you, generally they're trying to eat you.
01:23:37.000 The difference between them and grizzly bears.
01:23:39.000 When grizzly bears attack you, usually it's because you startled them, like you ran across a mama and the cubs or something along those lines.
01:23:45.000 Yeah.
01:23:46.000 We had a black bear go into my wife's garden, and he ripped the, like the Hulk, dude, he ripped the bars, and he went in, and he ransacked the place.
01:23:53.000 And she was devastated.
01:23:54.000 She put this beautiful garden together, and this thing just destroyed it.
01:23:57.000 Where was this?
01:23:58.000 Long Island?
01:23:59.000 No, no, I live in northern Westchester.
01:24:01.000 Oh, there's black bears out there?
01:24:02.000 Yeah, there's black bears out there and bobcats.
01:24:05.000 There's a lot of black bears in Jersey.
01:24:07.000 Jesus Christ.
01:24:07.000 Yes, Jersey has a lot.
01:24:08.000 Ah, check this out real quick.
01:24:10.000 Sorry, why are you talking about a black bear?
01:24:11.000 Well, this guy's hitting a drive, but there's a bear right here.
01:24:14.000 Right.
01:24:14.000 Watch what happens after he hits it.
01:24:21.000 Oh, whoa.
01:24:23.000 It rushed him?
01:24:25.000 Yeah.
01:24:25.000 Dude, that was...
01:24:27.000 That's pretty gnarly.
01:24:28.000 That is nuts.
01:24:29.000 Why did it rush him?
01:24:30.000 I wonder why it rushed him.
01:24:31.000 It's a loud-ass noise.
01:24:32.000 I think the sound, yeah.
01:24:34.000 It still doesn't make sense that it would rush him.
01:24:36.000 That's kind of dumb for him to do that, though, dude.
01:24:38.000 I got to be honest, because that's a little too close to make a sound like that next to that thing.
01:24:43.000 There's this baby with it behind it, maybe?
01:24:46.000 Maybe that's why.
01:24:47.000 Is there a baby there?
01:24:48.000 Oh yeah, there might have been a cub there.
01:24:50.000 Yeah, when you see a bear, excuse me, when you see a bear with a cub, just get the fuck out of there.
01:24:55.000 Just get the fuck out of there.
01:24:57.000 Yeah, what are you doing?
01:24:58.000 Get the fuck out of there.
01:24:59.000 Yeah, go in the car, go fuck, yeah.
01:25:00.000 You know how your wife is with your kids.
01:25:02.000 She saw something, get the fuck out of there.
01:25:05.000 Women get crazy around their kids.
01:25:07.000 And my wife doesn't fuck around.
01:25:08.000 My wife will fuck somebody up, man.
01:25:09.000 Yes, it's mama bear instincts.
01:25:12.000 That's what it is.
01:25:12.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:25:13.000 My wife is a strong woman and does not, yes, she would, she said the other day, she said if somebody, she fucking, she just gave me, she goes, if somebody hurt our children, she goes, I would rip their fucking head off.
01:25:23.000 And I was just like, alright.
01:25:24.000 I had a conversation with Brewer about this once.
01:25:27.000 Like, it was like right after he had kids.
01:25:29.000 And he goes, I understand murder now.
01:25:33.000 I could never understand murder.
01:25:35.000 He goes, once I had a kid, he's like, oh, I understand murder.
01:25:39.000 Yeah.
01:25:40.000 Yeah, I could murder somebody who harmed my children.
01:25:43.000 Yeah, I watch a lot of crime shows.
01:25:45.000 I'm really big on that.
01:25:46.000 Are you a girl?
01:25:46.000 I'm a big one.
01:25:48.000 No, I watch, I'm obsessed with like serial killer shit.
01:25:51.000 I love it.
01:25:51.000 Isn't it wild that girls like those?
01:25:53.000 Well, they fall in love with them.
01:25:55.000 Well, some girls.
01:25:56.000 But most women, they're watching those true crime shows.
01:25:58.000 They're not getting wet.
01:25:59.000 Does it?
01:26:01.000 I don't know why they watch them.
01:26:02.000 I just have...
01:26:03.000 But I can't watch the ones, like the forensic files and shit, I can't watch the ones with the kids.
01:26:08.000 I just can't.
01:26:09.000 I can't.
01:26:09.000 That's another level.
01:26:10.000 That's something that I just...
01:26:11.000 I can't do it, man.
01:26:13.000 It's awful.
01:26:14.000 It's sick.
01:26:15.000 Yeah, that's like a level of sickness that's just fucking...
01:26:18.000 Yeah, I don't want to bring shit down.
01:26:20.000 I wonder, like, if we need evil in the world to appreciate love.
01:26:25.000 Like, you know, there's this, like, balance of life.
01:26:28.000 There's a balance of life that I don't want evil in the world, right?
01:26:32.000 But, I mean, is it possible to have a world with no evil?
01:26:34.000 Like, we've literally never had a world with no war, which is wild if you think about it.
01:26:40.000 I guess, technically speaking, if you go back to the most primitive of primitive man, they couldn't wage war because they were just trying to find food, but I'm sure they attacked each other.
01:26:49.000 They definitely had violence.
01:26:51.000 There's never been a time, like giraffes even beat the fuck out of each other.
01:26:55.000 Yeah, dinosaurs.
01:26:57.000 They beat the fuck out of each other.
01:26:59.000 Animals have always competed with other animals.
01:27:02.000 And unfortunately for humans, the ultimate game of competition is to conquer land and conquer villages and conquer countries and shit.
01:27:10.000 And that's the ultimate form of a competition, like trying to physically take...
01:27:15.000 That's what's going on right now in Ukraine.
01:27:17.000 Russia's trying to physically take Ukraine.
01:27:19.000 They wanted to take control of this country, this sovereign nation that used to be a part of the Soviet Union.
01:27:25.000 What do you think's going on with that?
01:27:26.000 Because I asked somebody, I go, Ukraine?
01:27:28.000 I said something along the lines of, I give Ukraine credit, man.
01:27:31.000 And the guy I was talking to, he just goes, ah, you know, Putin.
01:27:37.000 Like, in other words, Russia could do it if they wanted to do it.
01:27:40.000 Like, Putin is just kind of playing this game, and it's like, I don't know about that.
01:27:44.000 What game is it?
01:27:45.000 Yeah, like...
01:27:46.000 I don't know what...
01:27:46.000 I know Russia's more powerful, bigger, but...
01:27:49.000 The really scary thing is if it keeps ramping up.
01:27:52.000 I mean, how long can those people take it?
01:27:54.000 I know.
01:27:55.000 And then we keep sending them stuff.
01:27:58.000 It's like, what are we doing?
01:27:59.000 Are we having a war by proxy?
01:28:01.000 Are we supplying them in a sense?
01:28:04.000 Are we part of the war?
01:28:06.000 Like, what the fuck is happening?
01:28:08.000 And where can this go?
01:28:10.000 And if I was the aliens, I would be paying very close attention now.
01:28:13.000 I'd be like, oh, this is not good.
01:28:15.000 You got this evil dictator who kills his rivals and he has cancer, allegedly.
01:28:20.000 Oh, does he?
01:28:21.000 Yeah, supposedly he has blood cancer.
01:28:23.000 Oliver Stone said he had cancer when Oliver Stone went to interview him years ago.
01:28:27.000 He had cancer then.
01:28:29.000 Oh, wow.
01:28:30.000 So it's very likely that he has cancer.
01:28:32.000 And aren't they saying he's losing it a little bit?
01:28:33.000 I mean, he must be losing it now because the economy's destroyed.
01:28:39.000 Russia is in this state of isolation from the other nations other than China's eyeing it very carefully.
01:28:46.000 Yeah.
01:28:46.000 From what I understand, it's like some of these Chinese interests are divesting in the West, which is also very scary.
01:28:52.000 Because if they're looking at the way we do sanctions on the Russians, they might say, you know what, there's a weakness that we rely on America and the West for money.
01:29:01.000 And maybe what we should do is sell all that stuff off and then attack Taiwan.
01:29:07.000 At what point do we just stop, like, giving to them?
01:29:11.000 I don't know.
01:29:11.000 I mean, I guess everyone's just trying to have some sort of harmonious relationship.
01:29:16.000 The really fucked up thing is that we need them for stuff and we don't want to think about it.
01:29:21.000 Like, we need them for cheap labor for cell phones and stuff.
01:29:25.000 Not even cheap.
01:29:26.000 I mean, it's essentially almost like slave labor.
01:29:29.000 We don't even know.
01:29:30.000 What are they doing with the Uighur Muslims?
01:29:32.000 What are they doing with these people that they have in prison camps?
01:29:35.000 Are they making any of our stuff?
01:29:37.000 How much stuff are we buying that's being manufactured by slaves?
01:29:43.000 Yeah, and you know, as you were saying that, what about that WNBA player that's still there?
01:29:48.000 Crazy.
01:29:48.000 Another six months and it's like, what the fuck, man?
01:29:50.000 Is that what they're saying?
01:29:51.000 They just said that she's going to be detained for another six months.
01:29:55.000 They just said that?
01:29:56.000 They just said that like two days ago.
01:29:57.000 And I just saw that and it's like, that's not good, man.
01:30:00.000 Oh my God.
01:30:01.000 That's like, you know, get her out of there.
01:30:05.000 I don't know what we could do.
01:30:06.000 They want to trade her for an arms dealer.
01:30:08.000 What is this?
01:30:09.000 Britney Greiner appears in court, gets detention in Russia, extended for six more months.
01:30:14.000 That's insane, man.
01:30:15.000 That's fucking really insane, man.
01:30:16.000 It's really brutal, man.
01:30:18.000 And she had a CBD vape pen.
01:30:21.000 Which is wild.
01:30:21.000 That is, yeah, like...
01:30:23.000 Wild, right?
01:30:24.000 I mean, she's got a vape pen for...
01:30:25.000 I mean, she's a fucking professional athlete.
01:30:27.000 The people that love her probably are going, is she ever coming back?
01:30:29.000 Like, that's...
01:30:30.000 Imagine loving...
01:30:31.000 Like, her wife is going, like, trying to talk to Biden, going, like, can we get her back?
01:30:36.000 Yeah.
01:30:36.000 I think they wanted to trade her for an arms dealer.
01:30:40.000 Jesus.
01:30:40.000 There's an arms dealer that we have in detention, like an illegal arms dealer, and they wanted to trade her for him, and they keep saying no.
01:30:48.000 I don't know what they're doing.
01:30:49.000 A vape pen?
01:30:50.000 It's like...
01:30:50.000 Yeah.
01:30:51.000 You know, it's like she had a kilo of cocaine or something.
01:30:53.000 It's like a vape pen.
01:30:54.000 It's like...
01:30:55.000 Whoa!
01:30:56.000 She could face up to 10 years in prison if convicted.
01:30:59.000 Oh, my God.
01:31:01.000 The pending outcome of a trial is scheduled to start on Friday.
01:31:04.000 She made an appearance in Russian court with order to stand trial on cannabis possession charges following her arrest more than four months ago.
01:31:11.000 So she's going to be in there a year at least.
01:31:14.000 Sullivan said on Tuesday that he and the Secretary of State Anthony Blinken have both spoken in the last few days with Greiner's wife to convey our very deep...
01:31:26.000 That ain't helping.
01:31:29.000 Sherelle Greiner last week said she hasn't spoken to her wife since February and that she tried to call through the U.S. Embassy in Russia for their anniversary, but they were never connected.
01:31:39.000 Fuck.
01:31:39.000 Yeah, dude, it's bad, man.
01:31:41.000 That's horrible, man.
01:31:43.000 It's over nothing.
01:31:44.000 It's like she's the clearest form of political prisoner.
01:31:48.000 She really is.
01:31:50.000 You know what's weird?
01:31:50.000 I was walking in the hallway with her at Mohegan Sun, and I just saw her, and I'm just thinking that she's over there in Russia.
01:31:56.000 It's just a really bizarre thing for nothing, man.
01:31:59.000 And where do you think they're keeping her?
01:32:00.000 Do you think it's a good situation?
01:32:02.000 It's a publicity thing.
01:32:04.000 They're showing their big dick.
01:32:05.000 Like, fuck you.
01:32:06.000 We'll just keep your girl and we'll lock her up in a cage.
01:32:09.000 Fuck you.
01:32:10.000 Biden could get her out.
01:32:11.000 He should get her out.
01:32:11.000 He's got to be able to get her out.
01:32:13.000 Yeah.
01:32:14.000 Right?
01:32:15.000 Like, is there?
01:32:15.000 I mean, I don't know.
01:32:16.000 I don't understand.
01:32:17.000 And I'm not saying that shit.
01:32:18.000 No, listen, I'm one of these, like, I'm one of these Americans that I root for every president.
01:32:22.000 I'm like, I root for every president.
01:32:24.000 Like, I'm not, you know, I mean, obviously we goof on presidents as comedians, but I root for fucking, I want everybody to do good.
01:32:30.000 Well, if they do well, the country does well.
01:32:32.000 Yeah.
01:32:33.000 Yeah.
01:32:34.000 Supposedly.
01:32:35.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.
01:32:36.000 I'm not a very political person in that sense.
01:32:39.000 I would like them to work this out, but I think it's just a part of a bigger problem.
01:32:44.000 The bigger problem is that Russia's invaded Ukraine.
01:32:46.000 Like, if she went over there a year and a half ago, it would have been no big deal.
01:32:49.000 Nobody would have given a shit.
01:32:50.000 You know, they wouldn't have detained her for that, I doubt.
01:32:53.000 I don't see an outcry, like, enough, though, to get her back from, like, it's weird.
01:32:57.000 Well, the other thing is homosexuality is illegal in Russia, too.
01:33:02.000 Isn't it?
01:33:03.000 Is it legal?
01:33:04.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
01:33:05.000 Look at that.
01:33:07.000 Freeing Griner, according to speculation raised in Russian news media, could acquire the US to free Viktor Bout, a Russian arms trader nicknamed the Merchant of Death.
01:33:17.000 Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
01:33:19.000 He was arrested in 2008 after undercover agents asked Bout to sell them missiles capable of shooting down American planes and other weapons that could kill American troops.
01:33:29.000 He was arguably the largest and most sophisticated arms trafficker on the globe when he was arrested.
01:33:34.000 Michael Braun, the DEA's former chief of operations, told Yahoo Sports in May, he was the guy who could deliver virtually anything with certainty to any bad actor all over the world.
01:33:45.000 So that's what they want a woman who's a professional basketball player who just had a CBD vape pen, and they want to trade her for a guy who sells murder weapons.
01:33:58.000 To Killers.
01:33:59.000 What was she doing there?
01:33:59.000 There was a game?
01:34:01.000 I don't know.
01:34:02.000 Yeah, I think a lot of the WNB players play over there during their offseason because they only play during the summer here.
01:34:08.000 They make more money playing in Europe.
01:34:10.000 Jesus, I didn't go to Italy because I was afraid of Russia, let alone playing fucking basketball there, dude.
01:34:15.000 You didn't go to Italy because you're afraid of Russia?
01:34:17.000 No, me and my wife, we were going to go to Italy.
01:34:20.000 When was this?
01:34:20.000 No, right when this thing broke out.
01:34:22.000 Yeah?
01:34:23.000 When this thing broke out, I wanted to take my family to Sicily and Greece because that's what I am.
01:34:27.000 I'm Greek and Sicilian.
01:34:28.000 So I told the kids and Stacey, I go, let's go and let's go to Greece, Sicily, we'll have a good time.
01:34:33.000 And then all this like...
01:34:35.000 Is World War III? I'm talking about at the very beginning when we were about to book.
01:34:38.000 Is World War III coming?
01:34:39.000 And my wife was kind of like, should we book this shit?
01:34:42.000 And stupidly, I didn't.
01:34:44.000 But, you know, I wish that I did because I see people in the Colosseum taking pictures and shit, and everybody's having a good time in Italy, and we didn't do it.
01:34:50.000 Have you been to the Colosseum?
01:34:52.000 Yeah.
01:34:52.000 It's pretty wild, isn't it?
01:34:53.000 It's fucking wild, man.
01:34:54.000 It's pretty wild.
01:34:55.000 It's so run down and beat up.
01:34:57.000 Yeah.
01:34:57.000 But, like, you just look in the middle there, the history of what went down there, dude.
01:35:01.000 Yeah.
01:35:01.000 It's fucking wild.
01:35:02.000 Yeah.
01:35:03.000 Did you do the Vatican?
01:35:04.000 Yep.
01:35:04.000 That's wild, too.
01:35:05.000 But my favorite place on Earth is Venice.
01:35:07.000 You been to Venice?
01:35:08.000 Yeah, yeah, I've been to Venice.
01:35:09.000 I fucking loved it, man.
01:35:10.000 It's pretty interesting.
01:35:10.000 It's very touristy.
01:35:12.000 Apparently, they're going to stop the boats from coming in, though, because they have these cruise ships come in, and then they just dump out thousands of people, and they just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and they fart everywhere and buy stupid T-shirts and then get back on the boat.
01:35:26.000 But the problem is the congestion that comes from it and the pollution of the water and all that stuff.
01:35:30.000 Apparently they're doing something to mitigate the amount of cruise ships.
01:35:35.000 But Venice itself is spectacular.
01:35:38.000 Yeah.
01:35:38.000 Remember when the water got cleared up after all that?
01:35:41.000 The water got cleared up during COVID and fucking dolphins returned.
01:35:44.000 It's unbelievable.
01:35:45.000 Yeah.
01:35:45.000 Well, that's what's going to happen when we die.
01:35:49.000 I did a cruise there, too.
01:35:51.000 I flew to Venice, and then we did a cruise back to...
01:35:54.000 Yeah?
01:35:54.000 Yeah, like transatlantic.
01:35:55.000 Four days, nothing but ocean.
01:35:57.000 Oh, nice.
01:35:57.000 Fucking scary, dude.
01:35:58.000 Was it?
01:35:59.000 Yeah.
01:35:59.000 It was one night we caught a bad thing.
01:36:02.000 Waves?
01:36:02.000 18-foot waves were blasting windows out.
01:36:05.000 Oh, boy.
01:36:05.000 Yeah, and my father is very, he loves dressing up.
01:36:09.000 So there was one night where people were throwing up and shit.
01:36:12.000 You just heard, like, I'm not joking.
01:36:13.000 And everybody had trays outside their thing.
01:36:15.000 And my dad is sitting in the fucking dining room with his tux on with a big smile on his face.
01:36:19.000 Just so happy to fucking be there eating, dressed up.
01:36:22.000 Because that's all he wants to do.
01:36:23.000 My father cares about food and dressing up.
01:36:26.000 That's it.
01:36:27.000 If a man is in a pair of sweatpants, he can't, he's just like, I can't, I can't even, yeah, he's another type of dude, man.
01:36:33.000 That's funny.
01:36:33.000 Yeah, he's a, he's...
01:36:35.000 We all got fitted for suits today for this Vegas show.
01:36:37.000 That's what we were doing when you got here.
01:36:39.000 Hans Kim and Tony and Brian Simpson.
01:36:41.000 Brian's probably here right now.
01:36:43.000 And then, you know, it's like we decided, we're doing this big Vegas show, let's fucking dress up, let's dress up nice.
01:36:49.000 So, you know, we got a tailor to come down and get everybody's suits and shit.
01:36:52.000 Oh, dude, if my dad walked in when I did, he'd be like, good for this kid knows, good for this guy.
01:36:56.000 This fucking kid knows what he's doing.
01:36:57.000 That's what you do.
01:36:59.000 If my father was a comic, he would probably be three-piece suit.
01:37:02.000 Did your dad like John Wick?
01:37:04.000 When John Wick gets dressed up when he's about to kill people?
01:37:07.000 He puts a tie on when they're about to come into his house and he's about to kill everybody.
01:37:12.000 My dad had a fur coat on in a fucking pizzeria, like in August.
01:37:18.000 He said one thing.
01:37:19.000 One thing he said, Joe, I never heard...
01:37:21.000 This is one of the most gangster things.
01:37:24.000 My dad is a sight when you see him.
01:37:26.000 Okay?
01:37:26.000 He's a presence.
01:37:28.000 It's just dressed up.
01:37:29.000 It's overly...
01:37:30.000 Like, the hair, the...
01:37:31.000 Like, he's just my...
01:37:32.000 Big, gaudy jewelry.
01:37:34.000 Gaudy fucking jewelry.
01:37:36.000 He goes, you know, he goes...
01:37:37.000 I talked about this in a special.
01:37:38.000 He goes, you know, I don't go for this hip-hop shit.
01:37:40.000 You know that, right?
01:37:41.000 And I go, yeah, dad.
01:37:42.000 Nothing about you says...
01:37:43.000 And he goes, but these rappers, they know their jewelry.
01:37:45.000 Right?
01:37:46.000 He goes, I was watching one of these shitty videos, but they fuck, because he likes that, but this woman's staring at him.
01:37:51.000 He's got a fur collar, big, like a suede thing with a fur collar, and this woman is just staring at him, and he just stops, and he looks at her, and he goes, I owe you money?
01:38:03.000 And she goes, excuse me, what?
01:38:05.000 He goes, no, I'm just curious.
01:38:06.000 Do I owe you money?
01:38:06.000 Because the last person that stared at me like that, I owed her money.
01:38:09.000 And she just fucking froze.
01:38:11.000 He goes, okay, have a good day and got in the car and she just fucking, I never said anything like it.
01:38:15.000 He just said, do I owe you money?
01:38:18.000 And she just goes, no, why?
01:38:20.000 He goes, why are you looking at me like that?
01:38:21.000 The last person that looked at me like that.
01:38:22.000 But see, my dad always talked to me against the mob.
01:38:25.000 That's the one thing.
01:38:26.000 He would always, because he knew them, because he was Sicilian.
01:38:28.000 But he would always be like, you can't get out of that.
01:38:31.000 Yeah.
01:38:31.000 You know, it's street stuff.
01:38:33.000 You're smarter than that.
01:38:34.000 Use your mind.
01:38:35.000 Like, he would always do that.
01:38:36.000 My grandmother went to jail for bookmaking.
01:38:38.000 Did she?
01:38:39.000 Yeah, she was running numbers.
01:38:41.000 My grandmother was running numbers.
01:38:42.000 No!
01:38:42.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:38:44.000 What?
01:38:44.000 We would always go, where's grandma?
01:38:47.000 Oh, she's visiting Aunt Marie.
01:38:49.000 Oh!
01:38:50.000 She was in jail knitting for the guards.
01:38:53.000 She wouldn't say shit to anybody.
01:38:56.000 Are you Italian?
01:38:56.000 Yeah, mostly.
01:38:58.000 Three quarters Italian, one quarter Irish.
01:39:00.000 What?
01:39:00.000 You're more Italian than I am?
01:39:01.000 Yeah.
01:39:02.000 Holy shit.
01:39:03.000 Sicilian or Northern?
01:39:05.000 Mostly that, yeah.
01:39:08.000 My grandmother, I think, was part.
01:39:10.000 And she was just a gangster old lady.
01:39:13.000 She wouldn't rat on anybody, so they kept her in jail for six months.
01:39:17.000 What?
01:39:17.000 Your grandmother was a fucking numbers runner?
01:39:21.000 Yeah, my grandmother ran numbers.
01:39:24.000 She was a gambling addict.
01:39:25.000 She would always want to talk to me about the numbers.
01:39:28.000 I was going to play 5-4-3 and I said to myself, I'm going to change it to 2. 5-4-2 and 5-4-3 came in!
01:39:35.000 It was one of those things.
01:39:37.000 She would always think she was psychic too.
01:39:39.000 It was really interesting because she never could predict anything.
01:39:43.000 What neighborhood?
01:39:44.000 It was in New Jersey.
01:39:45.000 Newark.
01:39:46.000 They lived in Newark.
01:39:48.000 We lived on North 9th Street.
01:39:50.000 I lived with them actually when I first moved to New York.
01:39:52.000 It was a real wake-up call for me.
01:39:55.000 That was a very important moment in my life because my grandmother had an aneurysm and she should have saw that coming too.
01:40:02.000 She was psychic, right?
01:40:04.000 She had an aneurysm outside and she fell.
01:40:09.000 And she was there for hours before anybody knew.
01:40:12.000 My grandfather came home, we found her, the ambulance, the whole deal.
01:40:15.000 They gave her, they think they gave her 72 hours to live, and she lived for 12 years.
01:40:20.000 Wow.
01:40:21.000 She's a tough, tough old broad, but she was hurting, and she was in agony, and she couldn't move.
01:40:26.000 She had bed sores, and there was a full-time nurse at the house, and my grandfather would have to take care of her.
01:40:31.000 And I remember just realizing, like, life is fucking fleeting.
01:40:36.000 Life is fleeting.
01:40:37.000 And here I was, I was 23, 20, somewhere around there, 24 maybe?
01:40:44.000 And I moved to New York because I had just signed with my manager and I needed a place to stay.
01:40:49.000 And so my grandfather said, come stay with me.
01:40:51.000 So I stayed with him in New York, in New Jersey rather.
01:40:54.000 And New Jersey, where they lived, In the 1940s was an Italian neighborhood.
01:41:01.000 It was all Italian.
01:41:02.000 There was still some bakeries in that area.
01:41:04.000 Yeah.
01:41:04.000 But they did this thing called blockbusting, where they would go door to door and say, hey, black people are moving into this neighborhood.
01:41:12.000 The real estate values are going to crash.
01:41:14.000 Sell your house now.
01:41:15.000 And they got everybody to sell their house.
01:41:16.000 My grandfather was like, fuck you.
01:41:18.000 I like black people.
01:41:18.000 Get out of here.
01:41:19.000 And so he was like this one Italian guy that lived in this neighborhood and it was originally all black people moved in and then it became other immigrants like Dominicans and Puerto Ricans and the like.
01:41:32.000 And when I was there, the kid next door was selling crack.
01:41:36.000 And the kid next door was a drug dealer, and they battering rammed his house.
01:41:39.000 He had an Audi, a nice Audi.
01:41:41.000 I remember looking out the window.
01:41:42.000 This fence and fucking locks and everything.
01:41:45.000 He's got a nice Audi there.
01:41:46.000 What is this guy doing?
01:41:48.000 He was selling drugs.
01:41:49.000 And my grandfather just lived this life for the last days of his life where he's just taking care of my grandmother.
01:41:57.000 And then when my grandmother finally eventually died, he died like a year later.
01:42:03.000 Yeah, that happens.
01:42:04.000 Yeah, just riddled with sadness and it was horrible.
01:42:07.000 He just was just lost, you know?
01:42:10.000 But it was, for me, as a young man, just starting this dream of trying to be a comic and being around people that were at the last chapter, the last few pages of their story, it was like a real wake-up call.
01:42:24.000 Like, you gotta do something in this life.
01:42:27.000 You gotta go out there and take advantage of this youth and the fact that you have a healthy life, you have a healthy body, you're active, you can still do things, because you can be like your grandmother.
01:42:40.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:42:42.000 You just brought me back to, you know, you think about life, dude, and how quick and how wild it is, but, you know, 2016 was one of the worst years of my life.
01:42:52.000 I talked about it a little bit on Honey Do It with Ryan Sickler, who I love, Ryan.
01:42:57.000 Shout out to Ryan.
01:42:58.000 I love that dude.
01:42:58.000 Yeah, I love Ryan Sickler, but...
01:43:00.000 No, dude.
01:43:01.000 2016, I caught this darkness that I just didn't fucking know why or how.
01:43:05.000 Because, you know, not on my father's side, but my mother's side, the Greek side is a lot of...
01:43:08.000 Greeks are very...
01:43:09.000 I don't know if Giannis talked about it.
01:43:11.000 The Greeks are very neurotic, anxiety-ridden, always kind of, you know, a worry.
01:43:15.000 My mother was a worrier.
01:43:17.000 If something happened on the news, somebody fell down the stairs.
01:43:19.000 You can't go to the stairs.
01:43:20.000 But always, always, always.
01:43:23.000 And so you get that mental thing from that side.
01:43:26.000 But, dude, I was in a 90-day clinical.
01:43:30.000 Over what?
01:43:31.000 Did something cause it?
01:43:33.000 What happened was I was going through something mentally and it was causing my body to do things and I thought that it was my body.
01:43:38.000 What were you going through mentally?
01:43:41.000 I was just getting really sad.
01:43:45.000 Over nothing?
01:43:47.000 I started feeling like something was wrong with me physically, but it was my OCD and my mind telling me that.
01:43:51.000 So my body and my muscles started to, things started to get weakened.
01:43:55.000 I started to feel something was wrong and I would tell my wife something was wrong.
01:43:58.000 She goes, nothing's wrong and it just kept going and going.
01:44:00.000 And dude, I was in a bedroom for 90 days.
01:44:04.000 Going to get a glass of water was the fucking biggest task in the world, and I couldn't even look at my kids because I didn't think I'd be around.
01:44:11.000 I didn't think I'd see them grow up.
01:44:12.000 Jesus Christ, so there was nothing physically that was happening, just something, nothing caused it?
01:44:17.000 I went to the doctor.
01:44:18.000 I was on stage in Hartford, Connecticut.
01:44:21.000 And I'm on stage having a monster set and I'm having an out-of-body experience.
01:44:26.000 I'm in a full-fledged panic attack.
01:44:28.000 Oh my god.
01:44:29.000 And you're killing.
01:44:30.000 I saw tables laughing.
01:44:32.000 And so, oh, we're here to see you tonight.
01:44:34.000 I saw tables laughing.
01:44:35.000 I was in a full-fledged panic attack and it was like I was standing next to myself and I was dizzy and I didn't want to fall down so I kind of put my hand on something and I drove home 100% convinced I had a brain tumor.
01:44:47.000 Oh my God.
01:44:48.000 So I called the doctor and the doctor was like, I go, I have, and I told my wife, I said, I have a brain tumor.
01:44:52.000 Oh my God.
01:44:53.000 And they were like, what?
01:44:54.000 So I went to the doctor for weeks and he goes, Paul, I, and he's, he's, they put me, he's like, if this is what it's going to take.
01:45:00.000 So I went to the scan and I'm going through a brain tumor and I was like in the waiting with my brother and I'm hugging him.
01:45:06.000 I'm saying, I love you.
01:45:06.000 I go, dude, they're going to find out, they're going to find out some shit right now.
01:45:10.000 And they didn't.
01:45:12.000 And then it went to something for 90 days and I was like convinced.
01:45:16.000 So when you found out that you didn't have a brain tumor, was it a relief at all?
01:45:19.000 It was a relief for the moment.
01:45:21.000 But then it was something else.
01:45:22.000 I was in this place where I couldn't accept from professional doctors.
01:45:26.000 Okay?
01:45:27.000 That something wasn't wrong with me.
01:45:29.000 And it was 90 days and my kids were like, you know, dad still...
01:45:32.000 And I was just like, dad will get better.
01:45:34.000 But it took 90 days.
01:45:35.000 I didn't think I was coming out of it.
01:45:36.000 And then I realized that it was on my mind.
01:45:38.000 And it was a really deep, bad depression, man.
01:45:41.000 Real fucked up.
01:45:42.000 And it was at that moment when I got better, I was like, fuck it, dude.
01:45:45.000 You know?
01:45:46.000 So nothing caused it?
01:45:47.000 There was no, like, trigger?
01:45:49.000 Therapists say that something probably was happening and going on that I, you know, that I don't even know.
01:45:53.000 They were trying to talk to me, talk to me about things when I was younger and stuff, but I just, it was, it started physical and my mind went to something wrong with an illness.
01:46:01.000 And I was in, I was in a dark place and my wife was, I was gone.
01:46:05.000 Do you ever, do you run?
01:46:06.000 Do you ever do cardio or anything like that?
01:46:08.000 That's what they told me to do that.
01:46:11.000 I was going to the track and running and trying to get...
01:46:13.000 Did that help?
01:46:14.000 It helped a little bit.
01:46:15.000 Yeah, it definitely helped a little bit and started to slowly get me out of it when I did it.
01:46:18.000 So it was really hard to get up and do it.
01:46:20.000 And they told me to walk my dog first.
01:46:22.000 That was the first step.
01:46:22.000 The doctor said, go walk your dog for a long time.
01:46:24.000 Right.
01:46:25.000 But I would have, you know, panic attacks while I was walking them and shit.
01:46:28.000 Jesus Christ.
01:46:29.000 Yeah, man.
01:46:30.000 And then I got out of it and I got better and I got stronger.
01:46:32.000 And I had friends and good friends, you know, to, you know, be there for me and talk to me about it.
01:46:38.000 But it was, dude, it was like 90 days.
01:46:39.000 I don't think I was coming out of it.
01:46:40.000 And then after that, I was like, and then I learned a lot.
01:46:43.000 I read a lot about mental health.
01:46:45.000 I read a lot about OCD, anxiety, and because I'm not a fully depressed person, but it goes to that with the anxiety and the OCD. And it's something that I think is in my family, so I try to fight it, you know?
01:46:59.000 Do you think it's the way you were raised?
01:47:00.000 Do you think it's a genetic thing?
01:47:03.000 I think both.
01:47:04.000 I think that what happened to me, you know, the way things went down when I was younger, and then also some things maybe on my mom's side.
01:47:12.000 But yeah, it would suck, man.
01:47:14.000 It would suck to be there.
01:47:16.000 And I would never kill myself.
01:47:19.000 See that's that's what like I was so bad that I was like I understand why somebody would do that but I would never do that so I'm just now I'm really sad because I'm just gonna live in this Jesus so and I and I was like is this ever because once like three months and then I actually learned there was like a 90 day like you can be depressed for that and that was the first time it happened that bad but when I got out of it I was like fuck this dude I'm like every like I'm gonna life is too you know my mom had stage four cancer when I was younger too that's what actually Yanis said that that's what he thinks is from In 1997,
01:47:49.000 my mom got diagnosed with a rare stage 4 cancer, and she was on her way out, but the Dana-Farber Institute in Boston came up with a test drug, and she's alive today because of it.
01:47:57.000 Wow.
01:47:57.000 A hundred people took the test drug.
01:47:59.000 Wow.
01:48:00.000 And it worked on 26, and she was one of them.
01:48:02.000 And then it whittled down to 10, and she was one of them.
01:48:04.000 And right now, she's still one of them.
01:48:06.000 The cancer's completely dormant and shrunken, and my mother would have been gone 20-something years.
01:48:10.000 But I got that news when I was a senior in high school.
01:48:12.000 I came home, there was ambulances, state troopers all in front of the fucking house.
01:48:15.000 It was like a movie.
01:48:17.000 You pulled up.
01:48:17.000 I was in fourth period gym and they said, Paul, we don't want to alarm you, but your mother's in some kind of situation.
01:48:22.000 You got to go home.
01:48:23.000 And I went home and I pulled up the street and I just saw state troopers and ambulances.
01:48:27.000 And my mother's best friend goes, she's all right.
01:48:30.000 And my mother was like pale white on a gurney.
01:48:33.000 And she didn't want me going in the ambulance with her, and I found out she got, like, blown all over the ambulance and shit.
01:48:41.000 So some people think that I thought that maybe when I thought something was wrong with me, that was it, and that's what triggered it.
01:48:51.000 It was a really hard thing and sometimes I still deal with it.
01:48:55.000 It's a good thing for you to talk about because there's a lot of people that don't understand what that's like and they don't understand how a person who is a successful comic, who's doing well, you have a family, you're loved, how could that be possible?
01:49:08.000 Yeah.
01:49:08.000 It's like the mind is a strange thing, man.
01:49:12.000 It's hard to understand.
01:49:13.000 There's people that are like super, super successful that are just a mess.
01:49:17.000 And it doesn't need to make sense.
01:49:19.000 The mind is just like other parts of your body.
01:49:23.000 You could get a pinched nerve and your arm doesn't work right anymore because there's something wrong with your body.
01:49:28.000 Well, there could be something wrong with your mind, too.
01:49:30.000 Your dopamine levels could be low.
01:49:32.000 Your serotonin levels could be low.
01:49:33.000 There could be something wrong, and then it just triggers it.
01:49:37.000 What people know about the mind is so fucking confusing.
01:49:43.000 I've had friends that got on SSRIs and antidepressants and shit, and it saved them.
01:49:49.000 It's one of the reasons I'm very hesitant to say that people should take medication, but I have friends that have taken medication and it changed their life.
01:49:56.000 It really did.
01:49:57.000 I have one buddy of mine that I used to do jujitsu with.
01:50:00.000 He was like fucking really depressed and he was an alcoholic and he was a mess and then he started taking medication and like some sort of SSRI and it got him out of the funk and then he started doing well in his life and then he started doing jujitsu and jujitsu sort of became his medication and he got really good at jujitsu.
01:50:17.000 And along the way, while he was getting really good at jujitsu, he slowly weaned his way off of the medication and then became functioning and normal.
01:50:25.000 So it did help him and save him.
01:50:27.000 He used it as like a cane to help him walk again, and then eventually got rid of the cane.
01:50:33.000 Yeah, yeah, no, I had to take something for the OCD because I would get stuck in the thought.
01:50:37.000 What kind of would they give you?
01:50:39.000 There was this drug called Luvox and I took a very low dose of it and it would take the edge off because I would get stuck in the thought where I'd be in a hotel and I would sit in a bed and I'd have a thought and I couldn't, I would fucking just be sitting there being like, well, why am I thinking this?
01:50:52.000 And the drug actually helped me to be like, dude, just fucking go, like, just move on.
01:50:57.000 So I've learned all that stuff and I have a really good understanding.
01:51:00.000 I had my first panic attack.
01:51:02.000 I didn't realize it, but, you know, my mother, I had my first panic attack in the third grade and I thought I was going to die.
01:51:06.000 In the third grade?
01:51:07.000 Yeah, I was sitting on the couch.
01:51:09.000 I remember, like, I remember it right now.
01:51:11.000 I remember the pattern on the fucking couch.
01:51:13.000 It was third grade and it was a panic that came over me.
01:51:15.000 I started looking around.
01:51:16.000 I was a little kid I didn't know.
01:51:17.000 And I called my mom.
01:51:17.000 I was crying.
01:51:18.000 I said, and I started to, and my mom got upset because she has anxiety.
01:51:22.000 So, yeah, and they said that that was because of what was going on as a kid.
01:51:25.000 Jesus, I'm not trying to bring this fucking thing, but you got me talking about it, and when I talked about it before, people called me up and said, Thank you.
01:51:37.000 You let me realize it's okay.
01:51:39.000 And that's the reason why I talk about it a lot is because when you get a message from somebody going, hey man, you helped me.
01:51:43.000 But yeah, man, I was in a really dark place and it was when I was doing well.
01:51:47.000 I remember right before, like a year before, I remember I was on the road with Burr.
01:51:52.000 And Burr goes, dude, you're getting ready for a special, man.
01:51:54.000 This material is coming together.
01:51:55.000 And like things were going good.
01:51:57.000 And then all of a sudden, man, it's just everything went, you know, and my wife was like, you got to go, you got to talk to somebody.
01:52:03.000 Something's going on.
01:52:03.000 So...
01:52:04.000 Yeah, I try to deal with it.
01:52:05.000 I still deal with it sometimes, and then sometimes I'm just ahead of it for a while.
01:52:09.000 But what you said is running and doing things like that.
01:52:12.000 Cardio.
01:52:13.000 Cardio is big for it.
01:52:14.000 Cardio is a big one.
01:52:15.000 They found that cardio, well, any kind of rigorous exercise is just as effective as antidepressants, if not more effective on a lot of people.
01:52:24.000 Yeah.
01:52:24.000 Yeah.
01:52:25.000 Because there's something that happens to your body when your body's too sedentary.
01:52:28.000 I don't think it's normal and natural for people to not exert their body.
01:52:32.000 And I think when you don't do anything with your body, your body tends to malfunction.
01:52:36.000 It tends to have weird shit go wrong with it.
01:52:39.000 Yeah.
01:52:40.000 And it could be the mind.
01:52:41.000 Because you think there's all sorts of endorphins that get released during exercise.
01:52:46.000 There's many times where I'm not feeling good, and then I work out, and then I feel so good.
01:52:50.000 I feel so happy.
01:52:52.000 And so nice, like that's one of the things that made me like so much nicer person is like sticking to a rigorous exercise routine because I you know I grew up My parents split up when I was five and there's domestic abuse in my house and I just always had this like tension about like violence and chaos and not being protected and stuff and And it makes you an angry person.
01:53:18.000 And the only thing that saved me was exertion.
01:53:21.000 Like when I would exert myself, when I would work out, like in martial arts in particular.
01:53:26.000 Afterwards, I was the nicest person in the world.
01:53:28.000 I was the nicest person in the world.
01:53:29.000 It was just like it made me...
01:53:31.000 My mom still talks about to this day.
01:53:33.000 She's like, there's two yous.
01:53:34.000 There's you before you started training, and then there's you afterwards.
01:53:39.000 You became a different person.
01:53:40.000 Wow.
01:53:41.000 Because when I was like 14, I was this fucking angry kid.
01:53:44.000 This angry, confused, insecure kid.
01:53:46.000 And then I started training.
01:53:50.000 Martial arts was the first thing that I ever did where I didn't feel like a loser.
01:53:54.000 Where I was like, oh, I can get good at things.
01:53:56.000 I'm really good at this.
01:53:58.000 I got praise for being good.
01:54:00.000 And I got praise for my instructor.
01:54:02.000 It became a big deal.
01:54:03.000 And then I realized, like, oh, I can't just sit around.
01:54:07.000 Like, half of the reason why I work out a lot is not just I like to look good and be, you know, healthy physically.
01:54:14.000 That's true, too.
01:54:15.000 But it's my mind.
01:54:17.000 I can't leave that motherfucker alone.
01:54:20.000 Like, that motherfucker needs to go for a run.
01:54:22.000 Like, he needs to do stuff.
01:54:24.000 I don't trust it.
01:54:26.000 I don't trust my mind.
01:54:28.000 My mind is primitive.
01:54:31.000 There's a lot of shit in there that just needs to get out.
01:54:35.000 But when I get it out, I get out in healthy, productive ways, and then my body stays healthy, my mind is clear, I can think things through better, but it makes me a nicer person.
01:54:44.000 That's the most important part of it.
01:54:46.000 It made me way nicer.
01:54:48.000 Yeah, so were you on edge to fight people before that?
01:54:52.000 Or were you like when you were angry and you felt like you said the word that hit me when you said you felt unprotected?
01:54:57.000 Yeah.
01:54:57.000 And I felt unprotected too.
01:54:59.000 Yeah, when you broke up, your parents break up, and you're not around your dad, and no one's protecting you.
01:55:05.000 There's that feeling.
01:55:06.000 And, you know, they both are cool and realize that the way they were going at each other probably isn't, you know, they would wish they wouldn't have been like that.
01:55:14.000 But, you know, my mom said when I was really young, I would wake up like really upset thinking something was going to happen to her.
01:55:19.000 Yeah.
01:55:19.000 You know, and the protection thing is a big thing.
01:55:22.000 It's scary because you lose your dad, your dad's not with you anymore, and your mom's the only person there.
01:55:26.000 And then if your mom gets sick or something happens to your mom, like, oh, fuck.
01:55:29.000 My stepdad came in and he was a great dude, stuck with my mom.
01:55:34.000 Mine too.
01:55:34.000 That helped a lot too.
01:55:36.000 Having a stepdad there helps, man, for sure.
01:55:38.000 My stepdad is still with my mom.
01:55:39.000 And they've been together for fucking forever, since I was five.
01:55:43.000 They have a great relationship.
01:55:44.000 They do all kinds of stuff together.
01:55:46.000 They rarely even argue about things.
01:55:48.000 And they're in Jersey?
01:55:49.000 No, they're here now.
01:55:51.000 Oh, they're here?
01:55:51.000 They're here in Texas.
01:55:52.000 Okay.
01:55:53.000 They're all coming.
01:55:55.000 You're getting everybody out.
01:55:56.000 That's got to be cool to have your mom out here.
01:55:58.000 It's cool, yeah.
01:55:59.000 But let's be honest.
01:56:00.000 It's cool that she doesn't have to worry about stuff.
01:56:04.000 But let's be honest, Joe.
01:56:05.000 The Italian bakeries out here can't be that good.
01:56:07.000 I don't eat bread.
01:56:11.000 You don't have to worry about the cannolis and shit?
01:56:13.000 No.
01:56:13.000 If they got rid of the butcher shops, I'd have a real problem.
01:56:16.000 But I eat a lot of meat that I hunt.
01:56:21.000 You hunt, huh?
01:56:22.000 Yeah.
01:56:23.000 What do you hunt?
01:56:25.000 Mostly elk.
01:56:27.000 That's my favorite.
01:56:28.000 I never tasted elk.
01:56:29.000 I'll get you some.
01:56:30.000 Yeah?
01:56:30.000 Yeah, if you lived out here, I'd cook for you.
01:56:32.000 Dude.
01:56:34.000 Next time you come here, we have a kitchen now in the gym.
01:56:37.000 We have a gym here, and we have a Traeger grill set up in the kitchen.
01:56:40.000 So the Traeger grill, they're fixing the vents for it now to make sure.
01:56:44.000 Oh, that's awesome.
01:56:44.000 Because it's a smoker, you know, so the smoke has to go through a vent through the ceiling and shit like that, but yeah.
01:56:51.000 Yeah, I don't eat bread.
01:56:53.000 So like the bakery thing is great, but I was in LA and there's this place in Venice called Felix.
01:57:01.000 It's my favorite restaurant in America.
01:57:03.000 It's fucking amazing.
01:57:05.000 And the head chef, this guy Evan Funk, who's been on my podcast before, he's amazing.
01:57:10.000 And he's just a fantastic chef.
01:57:13.000 And he just started up this new place in LA called Mother Wolf.
01:57:16.000 You know, it's about Rome.
01:57:20.000 His food is all Rome-inspired and the mother wolf is like the origin story of Rome is something about...
01:57:32.000 Yeah, there's two brothers, Romulus and Remus, they were put in a basket and a wolf found them and raised them and that's where Rome comes from.
01:57:40.000 Yeah, so mother wolf.
01:57:42.000 Oh, that's cool.
01:57:43.000 Is the name of his restaurant.
01:57:44.000 But anyway, it was all pasta and pizza.
01:57:46.000 It was fucking phenomenal.
01:57:48.000 I ate it all.
01:57:48.000 I ate it all.
01:57:49.000 Yeah.
01:57:50.000 I'll eat it on occasion.
01:57:51.000 But when I eat it, it's just for pleasure.
01:57:54.000 Yeah, that's the mother wolf.
01:57:56.000 Yeah, wild, man.
01:57:57.000 That's wild.
01:57:58.000 They're sucking off the tit of a wolf.
01:58:00.000 Oof.
01:58:01.000 Jeez.
01:58:02.000 Yeah.
01:58:02.000 It's a crazy origin story.
01:58:05.000 Do you like...
01:58:05.000 So being out here, like being in Austin, do you...
01:58:09.000 Did you do everything you could do out here, or you still got stuff to do out here in Austin?
01:58:13.000 Like what?
01:58:13.000 What do you mean?
01:58:14.000 Like, just with what is offered out here.
01:58:16.000 Like, what is offered out here other than...
01:58:19.000 I mean, the comedy scene's...
01:58:20.000 I know the comedy scene's incredible.
01:58:21.000 Comedy scene's awesome.
01:58:22.000 But you're out in the suburbs, right?
01:58:24.000 Yeah, I'm pretty close to here.
01:58:26.000 Yeah.
01:58:26.000 Oh, you are?
01:58:27.000 Okay.
01:58:27.000 No, I mean, everything's close around here.
01:58:28.000 The thing is, there's no traffic.
01:58:30.000 What they call traffic is a fucking joke.
01:58:32.000 It took me five more minutes to get to work.
01:58:35.000 I listened to a whole extra song.
01:58:38.000 Like, it's the fuck out of here.
01:58:40.000 You don't know what traffic is.
01:58:41.000 But there's only a million people here.
01:58:44.000 Yeah.
01:58:45.000 There's a million people here and then another million in the surrounding areas.
01:58:47.000 It's like, it's not that many people.
01:58:49.000 So, everyone is nicer.
01:58:51.000 Like, it's a nicer place to be.
01:58:53.000 I don't know...
01:58:56.000 I don't think I would have been the same person if I grew up here, because I think there's something about growing up on the East Coast, cold, hard winters, and people that are aggressive and fucking getting shit done, get the fuck out of here, and for comedy, growing up out there was phenomenal,
01:59:12.000 because doing stand-up in Boston, those motherfuckers have zero attention span for bullshit.
01:59:17.000 Like, you better come with the fucking punchlines.
01:59:20.000 Like, if you see comics, like, from Boston, the guys who started out there, guys like Burr, Nick DiPaolo, and fucking, all those guys are killers.
01:59:28.000 They're just bang, bang, bang, punchline, punchline, punchline.
01:59:31.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:59:31.000 Because, like, that's how you had to be back then.
01:59:33.000 Yeah.
01:59:33.000 Because those people, here people are a little kinder, a little nicer, you can probably get away with a little bit more.
01:59:39.000 You know, it's just, I think growing up in a place where the winters fucking suck is really good for your character.
01:59:45.000 You have to have that.
01:59:46.000 If you wake up every day 75 fucking California weather, you're weaker.
01:59:52.000 There's something to that.
01:59:54.000 100% there is.
01:59:55.000 There's something about getting up and having somebody go, you better go shovel that foot of fucking snow and get out there and do all that shit outside.
02:00:02.000 That makes you a stronger person, for sure.
02:00:04.000 I love that shit.
02:00:05.000 Yeah, there's something to that.
02:00:07.000 But Texas is different.
02:00:09.000 It's like the people are very friendly here.
02:00:11.000 It's a different thing.
02:00:12.000 They're very polite, even the way they drive.
02:00:15.000 There's a few assholes every now and then, but that's just a part of being a person.
02:00:18.000 But people let you in their lane, they wave to you.
02:00:21.000 I have a guy in my neighborhood, and this guy is this older guy who's always working on his garden.
02:00:26.000 And every time I drive by, this guy waves.
02:00:29.000 I don't know this dude, but every time he drives by, he puts his hand up, I put my hand up, I look forward.
02:00:35.000 When I'm driving, I go, there's that guy, we're gonna wave at each other.
02:00:38.000 I drive by, I give him that, he gives me that.
02:00:40.000 There's something about that, just with a neighbor you don't know.
02:00:42.000 I don't know that guy, but I love him.
02:00:46.000 Yeah, I know I'm getting older too, not from physical shit, but from shit I say.
02:00:52.000 Little things I say, like I go to this cafe all the time, and I love talking to older people.
02:00:56.000 I love talking to 60, 70-year-old people that lived.
02:00:58.000 I just love it.
02:00:59.000 But I love the fun shit that they do.
02:01:01.000 So this guy, he always sees me.
02:01:02.000 He likes me.
02:01:03.000 Older Italian guy.
02:01:04.000 And he goes like this.
02:01:05.000 He goes, Hey Paul, how you doing?
02:01:07.000 And Joe, without even thinking, I just go, If I was doing any better, I'd be you!
02:01:11.000 And I pointed.
02:01:14.000 And I loved it, and I swear to God, he just goes, I like that.
02:01:20.000 I was like, oh, I'm in my 40s.
02:01:22.000 But I loved it.
02:01:23.000 I loved that because it was a quick thing.
02:01:25.000 It was like old man shit.
02:01:27.000 Old man shit.
02:01:27.000 Oh, dude, old man shit is the best.
02:01:28.000 I was playing golf with this guy, right?
02:01:30.000 I hit the ball.
02:01:30.000 It starts out low.
02:01:32.000 And then Jamie, you know those ones that like start gliding, but then all of a sudden, right?
02:01:36.000 And he just goes, old guy goes, oh, it's the mother-in-law shot.
02:01:41.000 Like, what do you mean?
02:01:42.000 He goes, yeah, the further away it gets, the better it looks.
02:01:44.000 And I just was like, what?
02:01:47.000 But it's like corny, dumb shit, but those old guys have a good time, man.
02:01:50.000 Well, there's a thing, a camaraderie of saying stupid shit to people, like with each other.
02:01:55.000 You know, he's saying things like that to each other.
02:01:57.000 It's like we're agreeing to be nice to each other.
02:01:59.000 It's almost not about the thing.
02:02:01.000 Right, right, right.
02:02:02.000 Yes, like even when you talk sports.
02:02:05.000 Yeah.
02:02:05.000 You know, dude, you see who they drafted last night all the time?
02:02:07.000 We're just trying to talk.
02:02:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:02:09.000 But I love that because that's life.
02:02:11.000 That's living, man.
02:02:12.000 Yeah.
02:02:12.000 You know, because that's a guy that's seen a lot more than I have, but in that moment we're kind of on the same thing.
02:02:17.000 I love that shit.
02:02:18.000 That's why people like to have shared hobbies.
02:02:21.000 They talk about their shared interests, the things they're really into.
02:02:24.000 And sports is a great one because there's so much going on.
02:02:26.000 There's always some activity happening, you know?
02:02:29.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:02:30.000 Sports is an unbelievable thing to...
02:02:33.000 You know, that's actually how I met Burr because I'm a New York guy.
02:02:36.000 He was a Boston guy.
02:02:37.000 I opened for him.
02:02:38.000 And Bill is so funny that when we met...
02:02:42.000 I said to him, who he's a fan of, I go, dude, these 07 Patriots is the best offense I've ever seen.
02:02:48.000 I'm saying something nice about his team.
02:02:50.000 He called me and told me for 45 minutes why I was wrong.
02:02:55.000 He goes, you know, this is their defense.
02:02:59.000 I was agreeing with you.
02:03:01.000 But the thing about Bill, he's such a born contrarian.
02:03:05.000 I love bringing things up to him that I know he's going to disagree with.
02:03:10.000 I'll say things to him just to fuck with him.
02:03:12.000 Just to, like, get him wound up.
02:03:14.000 Oh, dude.
02:03:15.000 I went into...
02:03:15.000 I did state college right after Joe Paterno's statue came down and shit.
02:03:19.000 And I was at state...
02:03:20.000 And they were like...
02:03:20.000 They literally said when we got there, like, there's no talking about him here.
02:03:23.000 So you get on stage, there's no talking.
02:03:25.000 Like, this was when, like, the town was devastated.
02:03:27.000 So I go into the hotel.
02:03:30.000 I'm on the phone with Bill.
02:03:31.000 And I go, what the fuck, man?
02:03:33.000 He goes, what?
02:03:33.000 And I go, it's the carpet here.
02:03:35.000 I was like, this is like 1990. The thing about me, Joe, is I just like a nice place to stay.
02:03:39.000 I'm a little bit like that.
02:03:40.000 I want slippers and a robe, even if I'm not going to use them.
02:03:44.000 I just want them there.
02:03:45.000 I want to know that they're there.
02:03:46.000 I like cucumber water downstairs.
02:03:47.000 I like that shit.
02:03:48.000 Just who I am.
02:03:49.000 Maybe from my dad, right?
02:03:52.000 But I don't go too much.
02:03:53.000 My dad had his initials engraved on his slippers and shit.
02:03:56.000 Nice!
02:03:57.000 TJV on the fucking...
02:03:59.000 I like it!
02:03:59.000 Yeah, his license was TJV. But I'm on the phone with Bill and I go, this fucking hotel's a shithole.
02:04:05.000 And I sit on the bed and he goes, Verzi, you're starting to make...
02:04:07.000 Go to another hotel.
02:04:09.000 He goes, go pay.
02:04:10.000 And I go, you know what?
02:04:11.000 You're right.
02:04:11.000 I'm going to leave.
02:04:12.000 And then we argued why...
02:04:15.000 I said, Joe Montana, he said, this is years ago.
02:04:18.000 I said, Brady's better than Montana.
02:04:20.000 I agreed with, I said his guy is better than Montana.
02:04:23.000 We screamed at each other for three hours and it was too late for me to check in the other hotel.
02:04:29.000 So I had to stay in this shithole because he fucking had me on the phone arguing.
02:04:33.000 And I was arguing saying Brady because I said Brady was the best before he got the rings that he got.
02:04:36.000 But that's the funny thing about, you know, Bill is that he's, and he's so, such a nice kid, man.
02:04:41.000 He's the best.
02:04:42.000 He's the best and he's so nice, but he'll get into, we used to get into sports arguments that didn't make sense, but it was like camaraderie.
02:04:47.000 Yeah, there's something fun about that.
02:04:50.000 That's why they love those sports talk shows, where people get together and talk about sports.
02:04:54.000 They love it.
02:04:56.000 People love that.
02:04:57.000 MMA guys love it to death.
02:04:59.000 I mean, there's so many fucking MMA shows where guys just get together and talk about fights.
02:05:04.000 You know, I wasn't a UFC guy for years.
02:05:07.000 And then now, dude, the last four or five years, I have fight night at the house.
02:05:12.000 I can talk about it, you know, probably compared to you, I'm like a decent open mic level to talk about a UFC. But now I'm starting to like, you know who I like?
02:05:23.000 I love Bobby Knuckles.
02:05:26.000 Oh, yeah.
02:05:26.000 Yeah, and I thought that second fight he had with Adesanya was close.
02:05:29.000 It was very close.
02:05:30.000 I thought it was really close.
02:05:31.000 I love that kid.
02:05:32.000 I think there's something about him that's a real...
02:05:34.000 I don't know, it's like just watching him and his dad interact and there's just something about him.
02:05:38.000 And I love what he said.
02:05:39.000 He's like, man, I thought I did, you know, but I guess in that you got to beat the champ, you got to really beat him, right?
02:05:43.000 Well, you know...
02:05:45.000 That fight, I would have to go over and watch and score it, right?
02:05:51.000 You know, I'd have to go over and sit there and go over each individual round and score it, but I don't think you have to...
02:05:57.000 I mean, you have to win a fight, right?
02:06:00.000 I think when someone goes in there, yeah, you have to beat the champ to win the title, but if you win the fight, you win the fight.
02:06:05.000 So the problem with MMA, and I've said this ad nauseum, so I'll just quickly cover it, that scoring system sucks.
02:06:13.000 The scoring system sucks because it's a boxing system that they adopted.
02:06:17.000 They adopted a 10-point must system.
02:06:19.000 So a 10-point must system is like, say if you and Jamie box and you land more shots, you would win 10-9.
02:06:26.000 But if you dropped them, you'd win 10-8, right?
02:06:29.000 A 10-8 round is a round where someone gets dropped.
02:06:32.000 So it's pretty clear, you know, and there's subjective elements to it, and there's bad judging in boxing for sure.
02:06:38.000 But it's not a bad system for judging.
02:06:41.000 For MMA, it's like, it's a very blunt instrument to cover something that's a very comprehensive sport.
02:06:47.000 There's so many elements to fighting.
02:06:49.000 I think fighting should be like the way MMA is.
02:06:53.000 When I say fighting, I mean MMA. It shouldn't be like a 10 system.
02:06:58.000 It should be like each thing that happens is worth a quality.
02:07:01.000 Like this is worth 20 points.
02:07:03.000 That's worth 30 points.
02:07:04.000 So rounds should be 115 to like 106. Yeah.
02:07:11.000 Because sometimes guys will win a 10-9 round, and who fucking knows who won?
02:07:16.000 It's so close.
02:07:17.000 And other times, a guy will dominate a round, and he'll win 10-9.
02:07:20.000 It doesn't make any sense.
02:07:21.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:07:22.000 It doesn't make any sense to me.
02:07:23.000 Yeah, did you think that that fight was as close?
02:07:26.000 It's a very close fight.
02:07:27.000 Whitaker's a bad guy.
02:07:28.000 Bad motherfucker.
02:07:28.000 And he came back after getting knocked out in the second round of the first fight.
02:07:32.000 Almost got finished at the end of the first round, in the first fight.
02:07:35.000 Yes, I remember.
02:07:35.000 And then Adesanya stops him in the second round, and then comes back, has this fucking great run, beats a lot of quality guys, and then fights for the title a second time to try to win his title back, and it got down to the wire.
02:07:49.000 It was very close.
02:07:50.000 Yeah, it was a great fight to watch.
02:07:51.000 And the other best fight I've seen was that Ortega versus the recent Ortega.
02:07:56.000 Who did he fight where he just got bloodied up, but both of them were beating the shit out of each other.
02:08:01.000 They were the two team leaders on the, what is it, contender?
02:08:07.000 Who was Ortega's last fight?
02:08:10.000 I know who you're talking about.
02:08:11.000 I'm stuck.
02:08:13.000 Yeah, who the hell was it?
02:08:17.000 Volkanovski beat the shit out of him, though.
02:08:19.000 That wasn't it.
02:08:20.000 What was Sartega's last fight?
02:08:22.000 It was Volkanovski?
02:08:23.000 Yeah, he lost to Max, then he beat Chan Sung Young, and then lost to Volkanovski.
02:08:27.000 That's right.
02:08:28.000 So it must have been the Volkanovski fight, but that was a fight where Volkanovski...
02:08:32.000 Oh, I know what you're talking about because he almost caught him a couple times in guillotines.
02:08:36.000 He caught him in a triangle and he caught him in a darts joke.
02:08:39.000 Yeah, I think he was getting beat real bad and then he started to...
02:08:41.000 He caught him in a guillotine, yeah.
02:08:42.000 He caught him in a mounted guillotine and almost had him.
02:08:45.000 And then he caught him in a triangle and almost had him.
02:08:47.000 Yeah, that's the fight.
02:08:48.000 That was a brutal, brutal fight.
02:08:49.000 And he was beat, I mean, but he was still going with his face battered like that and I was just like, dude...
02:08:54.000 That's what it was.
02:08:55.000 So it looked like he almost lost like between the fourth and fifth rounds It looks like it was over like they're gonna stop the fight and then he came back in the fifth round and fought great It's like that guy's got incredible incredible heart that guy's heart was on and that's what I miss with boxing man boxing I used to love boxing and it's like you can't UFC is giving me something every two weeks I got every every week I watched I watched the ones at the apex I watched in Vegas and and boxing is like you gotta wait a fucking year for Well,
02:09:21.000 for big fights, for big fights, you gotta wait.
02:09:24.000 But it's just, the UFC's just, the way they do it is just, they're way more organized, they're way more efficient, it's just a better system.
02:09:33.000 The way they put together fights, I mean, they're constantly showing you fights.
02:09:36.000 If you have ESPN +, I mean, it's fucking incredible.
02:09:39.000 There's always fights on.
02:09:40.000 We have fight night all the time.
02:09:41.000 We're off or whatever and just come to my house.
02:09:43.000 Neighbors come to our house.
02:09:44.000 Giannis lives six houses down from me on the same side of the street.
02:09:47.000 Oh, yeah?
02:09:47.000 Oh, yeah.
02:09:47.000 His dog and my dog are best friends for years.
02:09:49.000 We go in the backyard and we yell.
02:09:51.000 We see if we could hear each other.
02:09:52.000 Oh, that's funny.
02:09:53.000 We live in northern Westchester up in the woods.
02:09:56.000 Horse country, dude.
02:09:57.000 Oh, that's nice.
02:09:57.000 Horse farms and all that shit.
02:09:59.000 A lot of deer out there, right?
02:10:00.000 You gotta be careful driving at night.
02:10:01.000 Two of them told him I got my car.
02:10:03.000 It had to be redone twice.
02:10:04.000 Yeah.
02:10:05.000 Damn.
02:10:05.000 That's a sad thing, man.
02:10:07.000 This one was just waiting and they just dart out real quick.
02:10:10.000 It's kind of weird.
02:10:11.000 Yeah, it is weird.
02:10:12.000 They don't know what to do with headlights.
02:10:14.000 Yeah, because they break.
02:10:15.000 It's like they break for second, you know, like to steal second.
02:10:19.000 They just break one way and whichever way they go, you're going to get hit.
02:10:21.000 They don't know what it is.
02:10:22.000 They see a headlight.
02:10:24.000 They're not evolved for headlights.
02:10:26.000 Yeah.
02:10:27.000 It freaks animals out.
02:10:28.000 It's like it makes them panic.
02:10:29.000 It's like the expression, deer in the headlights.
02:10:31.000 Yeah.
02:10:31.000 Did you hit one out here ever?
02:10:32.000 No, I haven't hit one yet, luckily.
02:10:34.000 Knock on wood.
02:10:34.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:10:35.000 You know?
02:10:36.000 Yeah, no, it's dangerous up there.
02:10:38.000 You see all of them, but in all the years we've been up there, which is nine now, two bucks just saw.
02:10:43.000 That's it?
02:10:43.000 They know.
02:10:44.000 They're at night.
02:10:44.000 They know, man.
02:10:45.000 If you go out at night, I bet they're all over the place.
02:10:47.000 And when it's like a real quiet snowstorm.
02:10:50.000 And nothing's out.
02:10:51.000 I saw one just standing there.
02:10:53.000 Beautiful, man.
02:10:54.000 There was a big boy standing there, and he was in the middle of the street, quiet snow.
02:10:58.000 And I just watched him, man.
02:11:00.000 And I was like, oh, my God.
02:11:02.000 That's why I can't...
02:11:03.000 I got nothing against hunting, man.
02:11:05.000 But when I hear something like moaning and shit, when I was in eighth grade, I shot a fucking Blue Jay with a pellet gun at like 13. And the thing went down, and I stared at it.
02:11:13.000 I cried.
02:11:13.000 And I was like, fuck this thing.
02:11:14.000 I'm not built for this shit.
02:11:16.000 I'm not built for this shit, dude.
02:11:17.000 I can't do it, man.
02:11:19.000 Yeah, I don't know.
02:11:20.000 I've killed a lot of deer.
02:11:21.000 I've killed this one, too.
02:11:22.000 I shot that one in Iowa.
02:11:25.000 Shout out to John Dudley.
02:11:26.000 In Iowa?
02:11:27.000 I shot that one at my friend John Dudley's ranch.
02:11:29.000 Yeah, Iowa's a great place for deer.
02:11:32.000 It's a crazy place for deer.
02:11:34.000 My friend John has a 600-acre property that's just set up for bow hunting.
02:11:39.000 My friend John is one of the best bow hunters in the world.
02:11:42.000 He's actually an archery coach.
02:11:44.000 He was a former archery competitor.
02:11:45.000 He's a guy who taught me how to shoot a bow.
02:11:48.000 Shit!
02:11:48.000 Yeah.
02:11:49.000 But yeah, he's got this great spot.
02:11:52.000 I've hunted deer on his place.
02:11:54.000 I've hunted deer a bunch of times.
02:11:56.000 I think deer are beautiful, and it's sort of a contradiction, but the thing is, like, you have to control their numbers.
02:12:01.000 There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
02:12:03.000 So either you're gonna bring in mountain lions and wolves, or you're gonna hunt them.
02:12:06.000 Because if you don't, they're gonna get hit by cars, they're gonna be everywhere, and they're gonna get diseases, they're gonna spread diseases.
02:12:11.000 They're a prey animal, and they don't...
02:12:13.000 We've set up this fucked up environment.
02:12:17.000 Like, Iowa's a good example.
02:12:18.000 There's no wolves in Iowa, right?
02:12:20.000 So what do these animals do?
02:12:21.000 They just fucking breed.
02:12:23.000 And so if you don't hunt them, and they're delicious, and you have to hunt them.
02:12:28.000 They have to control their population.
02:12:31.000 And that money goes to wildlife resource protection.
02:12:34.000 It goes to habitat and conservation.
02:12:37.000 It's like there's a lot of value in the hunting them.
02:12:41.000 But I understand that people wouldn't want to watch them die and suffer, but that's why you get accurate.
02:12:46.000 You have to practice.
02:12:48.000 Do you use guns ever, or is it only bows?
02:12:51.000 I've used guns, yeah.
02:12:52.000 I shot a pig last year with a gun.
02:12:54.000 I shot a wild boar with a gun in California.
02:12:57.000 It's a lot more effective.
02:12:58.000 It's easier, but it's not as exciting.
02:13:00.000 It's not as difficult to do, because you could shoot a deer with a rifle from 200, 300 yards away.
02:13:07.000 Right.
02:13:08.000 With a bow, you don't have a chance.
02:13:09.000 You have to get- How close?
02:13:11.000 Well, you really want to be inside a 50. That's really what you want.
02:13:14.000 What?
02:13:15.000 Yeah.
02:13:16.000 50 yards is what you really want.
02:13:17.000 I mean, you could make a bomb.
02:13:19.000 You could shoot a deer at 75 yards.
02:13:21.000 An elk?
02:13:21.000 I'll shoot an elk at 75 yards.
02:13:23.000 I've shot elk at 75 yards with a bow.
02:13:24.000 But it's like, you can't, with a rifle, that's a chip shot.
02:13:28.000 Now, are you in a tree stand?
02:13:30.000 No.
02:13:30.000 With the bow?
02:13:31.000 With deer?
02:13:31.000 Yeah.
02:13:32.000 I shot that deer from a tree stand.
02:13:35.000 But that's at John's place.
02:13:36.000 Most of the time, like my friend John has it down.
02:13:38.000 I mean, he rides in on electric bikes so you don't leave scent on the ground.
02:13:42.000 Holy shit.
02:13:43.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
02:13:45.000 Deer hunting in Iowa is like a religion, man.
02:13:48.000 They don't fuck around, because some of the biggest deer in the world live there.
02:13:50.000 People move to Iowa specifically so that they can hunt there.
02:13:54.000 Because Iowa has residence tags that you can get that are different.
02:14:00.000 If you're an outsider in Iowa and you want to draw a tag, it's very hard to get a deer tag.
02:14:06.000 It's complicated.
02:14:08.000 You've got to put in every year, but if you live there, you get an allotment.
02:14:13.000 It's easier, especially if you own property.
02:14:15.000 John owns property, so he has multiple deer at his place.
02:14:19.000 Wow.
02:14:20.000 And you said he's got 600 acres?
02:14:22.000 Yeah, he's got an incredible place.
02:14:23.000 And it's only bow and arrow.
02:14:24.000 It's the only way he hunts.
02:14:25.000 He doesn't let anybody use a rifle in his place.
02:14:27.000 Oh, but it's not illegal.
02:14:28.000 Oh, no, no, no.
02:14:29.000 It's all 100% legal.
02:14:30.000 Yeah, it's all legal.
02:14:31.000 He just wants it to be that way?
02:14:32.000 Yeah, no, he doesn't...
02:14:33.000 He's an archer.
02:14:34.000 He doesn't use...
02:14:35.000 I mean, he has a rifle, but he doesn't use it.
02:14:37.000 See, that's a motherfucker who could just go and survive.
02:14:39.000 Like, if he was, like, dropped in the middle of a forest somewhere and a bow, he's fucking living.
02:14:43.000 Oh, as long as he has enough arrows.
02:14:45.000 It's not easy to make an arrow.
02:14:48.000 The arrows that we use today, my arrows are all carbon fiber, and then there's brass weights in them, in the front to make a higher FOC, which is like you want a higher weight in the front of the arrow, and then you have a broadhead,
02:15:04.000 and you have veins in the end, the feathers, but they're actually made out of plastic, and these veins are steering the broadhead, making sure it goes straight, making sure the arrow goes straight.
02:15:14.000 Fuck!
02:15:14.000 Yeah, there's a long, deep learning curve to archery.
02:15:18.000 And then bow hunting, it's like archery at the highest level because you're trying to sneak up on a target that has evolved for a million years to get away from mountain lions.
02:15:30.000 Jesus.
02:15:30.000 Yeah.
02:15:31.000 Holy shit.
02:15:31.000 Heavy duty stuff.
02:15:32.000 That is real heavy duty stuff.
02:15:34.000 And he's a sniper with it?
02:15:36.000 Oh my god.
02:15:37.000 We were in Hawaii.
02:15:39.000 This is how good this motherfucker is.
02:15:41.000 We were in Hawaii.
02:15:41.000 We're hunting Axis deer.
02:15:43.000 And Axis deer are the hardest deer to hunt because they evolved to get away from tigers.
02:15:48.000 Yeah.
02:15:48.000 So they are the fastest fucking things you've ever seen in your life.
02:15:51.000 And they're gone.
02:15:52.000 Like you can't believe how fast they move.
02:15:54.000 It's bizarre how fast they move.
02:15:55.000 So we're in a truck and we're headed towards this hunting spot.
02:15:59.000 And John goes, stop the truck!
02:16:00.000 Stop, stop, stop, stop!
02:16:01.000 And he sees a bedded deer that's 60 yards away.
02:16:05.000 And I go, you gonna shoot it from the truck?
02:16:08.000 He goes, fuck yeah.
02:16:09.000 And so he leans his body out.
02:16:12.000 John's huge.
02:16:13.000 He's like six foot six.
02:16:14.000 He's a really tall guy, and he's got these long fucking giraffe arms.
02:16:17.000 He leans out of the truck with his bow and shoots a perfect 60-yard shot into the heart of this deer that's bedded 60 yards off the side of the road.
02:16:27.000 And you watch the arrow just right behind the shoulder, right into the heart.
02:16:31.000 The deer's dead almost instantly.
02:16:33.000 And that's his kill shot.
02:16:35.000 Oh yeah, perfect shot.
02:16:37.000 Perfect shot from a truck.
02:16:40.000 So when you're shooting, say if you're shooting something, if you're a target archer, you're in the Olympics or something like that, your stance is very important.
02:16:48.000 You have to stand with your toes, have to be in line with where the arrow's gonna be, you draw back, you anchor, everything has to be perfect, and then you release the arrow.
02:16:57.000 You want all your mechanics to line up.
02:17:00.000 This motherfucker's out a truck.
02:17:04.000 It's impossible to do that and still hits a perfect 60-yard shot.
02:17:08.000 That's wild.
02:17:09.000 It was incredible.
02:17:09.000 That's fucking wild, man.
02:17:11.000 That's how good he is.
02:17:12.000 But he's been doing it his whole life.
02:17:14.000 You know, he's a master.
02:17:16.000 And he taught you.
02:17:16.000 Yeah, he taught me.
02:17:17.000 And my friend Cam Haynes, he taught me too.
02:17:19.000 Both those guys taught me.
02:17:21.000 But there's a long learning curve to archery.
02:17:24.000 But for me, archery, even if I never hunt it again, I will never stop doing archery.
02:17:28.000 But just shooting targets is like, when you're thinking, when you've got that pin settled on that target, and you're trying to keep it steady, and you're just going through your shot process, and pulling through the shot, and the arrow breaks, and you watch that arrow right into the bullseye,
02:17:44.000 it's one of the most satisfying feelings in life.
02:17:46.000 I have a hard time going back and getting it off right.
02:17:48.000 Just getting it fucking off.
02:17:49.000 I wouldn't leave the street.
02:17:52.000 It's just practice.
02:17:53.000 It's just practice.
02:17:53.000 It's like stand-up.
02:17:55.000 Think about the first time you ever did stand-up.
02:17:56.000 Yeah.
02:17:57.000 You're like, you know, you feel, you hear your own voice.
02:18:01.000 You hear your own voice in the microphone.
02:18:03.000 It sounds goofy.
02:18:04.000 You hear a couple people laughing.
02:18:05.000 You're like, is that a sympathy laugh?
02:18:06.000 Is that a real laugh?
02:18:07.000 I know.
02:18:08.000 You know?
02:18:08.000 Yeah.
02:18:09.000 Do you remember the first joke you ever told?
02:18:10.000 Ha!
02:18:11.000 Ha!
02:18:14.000 First joke I ever told.
02:18:16.000 I don't know.
02:18:17.000 It was bad, man.
02:18:18.000 Oh, yeah.
02:18:18.000 Of course it was bad.
02:18:19.000 I know.
02:18:19.000 I think the first time I did an open mic in Woodstock, New York.
02:18:22.000 I did an open mic in Woodstock, New York at a bar called Joyous Lake.
02:18:26.000 And it's such a famous place that like the Stones and all these bands would play there practicing to do Woodstock.
02:18:32.000 Wow.
02:18:32.000 And they did a Tuesday night open mic, but it wasn't just comedy.
02:18:36.000 Wow!
02:18:36.000 So a fucking poet could go up there, like people reading poems, and I went up there with three friends, nothing written.
02:18:42.000 So I thought that I could just...
02:18:44.000 My dream was to do...
02:18:45.000 I thought I could just go up and do...
02:18:46.000 So I was just saying...
02:18:48.000 I was like, what do you mean?
02:18:49.000 The cigarette pack says it may cause cancer.
02:18:50.000 It does cause...
02:18:51.000 I didn't have jokes.
02:18:52.000 I didn't have jokes, and I felt so bad.
02:18:56.000 So the next day I went to the booker.
02:18:58.000 I go, put me here next fucking Tuesday.
02:19:00.000 I said, put me here.
02:19:00.000 This is true.
02:19:01.000 Put me here next Tuesday.
02:19:02.000 And I wrote in my bedroom.
02:19:03.000 I wrote six, seven minutes.
02:19:04.000 And I brought a couple of friends up there with me.
02:19:06.000 And I did really good.
02:19:07.000 And one local came up to me afterwards.
02:19:09.000 He goes, way better than last week.
02:19:13.000 I know you fucking dummy, it was my first time, but that was in Woodstock, New York.
02:19:17.000 Do you remember the first place you did?
02:19:18.000 Yeah, I did Stitch's open mic night in Boston.
02:19:22.000 And my first joke was, here's my impression of a hot girl getting pulled over by a cop.
02:19:27.000 Do you realize how fast you were going?
02:19:29.000 No.
02:19:30.000 Do you like my tits?
02:19:32.000 Yes, I do.
02:19:33.000 Here's a warning.
02:19:38.000 That was my first joke.
02:19:40.000 It was so terrible.
02:19:43.000 And you're probably like, oh, it kind of connected with some people.
02:19:46.000 I was like, I got it.
02:19:48.000 Whatever it is, I got it.
02:19:50.000 What year was that?
02:19:51.000 1988. August 27th, 1988. Wow.
02:19:55.000 Yeah.
02:19:57.000 That was in Boston.
02:19:58.000 In Boston?
02:19:58.000 Yeah.
02:19:58.000 Okay.
02:19:59.000 So you never did stand-up in Newark?
02:20:02.000 No, no, no.
02:20:02.000 I moved out of Newark when I was seven years old.
02:20:06.000 That's when I moved to California.
02:20:07.000 I lived in California until I was 11, Florida until I was 13, 11 to 13 in Florida, 13 to 24 in Boston, and then I moved to New York.
02:20:16.000 Yeah, do you remember the weirdest place you ever did stand-up?
02:20:19.000 Like the weirdest place?
02:20:20.000 Yeah, I did a Jack and Jill strip club in Woonsocket, Rhode Island.
02:20:25.000 And it was a Jack and Jill strip club is where a guy goes on and dances and then a girl goes on and dances.
02:20:31.000 And it's for couples.
02:20:34.000 What?
02:20:35.000 Yeah, it didn't work out.
02:20:36.000 It was like a concept.
02:20:38.000 It was the concept they were trying out in the 80s, I guess.
02:20:42.000 It was terrible.
02:20:44.000 But it was also the kind of guy and girl that, first of all, there was no crowd there.
02:20:48.000 There was like maybe six people in the whole place.
02:20:51.000 And there's a guy named Brian Deary.
02:20:53.000 And Brian Deary was like a guy who would book road gigs.
02:20:57.000 He was the guy who started out doing comedy and then he became like a booker.
02:21:00.000 Real nice guy.
02:21:01.000 And he would always book me for these gigs.
02:21:03.000 And this was like a brand new gig that he had.
02:21:05.000 Like, you know, he would call up a place, hey, do you want to do a comedy night?
02:21:08.000 And they said, well, you know, we actually have a strip club and we want to get a host for a strip club.
02:21:15.000 So he says to me, do you want to host a strip club?
02:21:18.000 I'm like, well, how much money does it pay?
02:21:19.000 Yeah, I'll do it, sure.
02:21:20.000 It was like $150, right?
02:21:21.000 So I drive to Woonsocket, Rhode Island for $150 to MC. So I'm not just the comic.
02:21:27.000 I'm also bringing up the strippers.
02:21:29.000 So I would do a little comedy.
02:21:30.000 And when I say I bombed, it wasn't that I bombed.
02:21:34.000 Because I think when you bomb, there's some sound.
02:21:37.000 This was science.
02:21:40.000 I mean, I would tell my jokes to emptiness, and I don't even know if the people that were in the audience spoke English, because it's a very Portuguese community out there, so there's a lot of people who probably didn't even speak English.
02:21:55.000 This lady goes on.
02:21:56.000 The lady and the guy both looked like they were the poster people for bad parenting and alcohol abuse.
02:22:05.000 And this guy had...
02:22:06.000 I remember he had bad tattoos that he had covered up with bandanas.
02:22:10.000 So he put bandanas on his arm.
02:22:13.000 And you could see the shitty tattoo poking out under the bandana.
02:22:17.000 And the girl just looked sad.
02:22:20.000 I remember she had a snake on her butt.
02:22:23.000 A snake tattoo on the cheek of her butt.
02:22:25.000 It was a terrible snake like a five-year-old drew it.
02:22:28.000 It was awful.
02:22:30.000 It's so funny because it was so awful that you remember all of that shit.
02:22:34.000 Do you remember the details?
02:22:36.000 I remember my first manager was Tony Camacho.
02:22:39.000 Oh yeah, I know Tony.
02:22:40.000 Is he still around?
02:22:42.000 I think he's like retired in Vegas or something.
02:22:45.000 But he goes, you want to do this restaurant in Staten Island for $150?
02:22:49.000 I was psyched.
02:22:50.000 It was a Friday.
02:22:51.000 I'm like, I'm working on a Friday.
02:22:53.000 I go there.
02:22:54.000 I shit you nacho.
02:22:55.000 The owner goes, look man, I didn't want to do this.
02:22:57.000 Okay?
02:22:58.000 He goes, we don't have a mic.
02:23:00.000 He goes, there's a radio shack down the block.
02:23:02.000 You guys want to buy a mic?
02:23:03.000 I'm not paying for it.
02:23:06.000 I mean, I just got there.
02:23:07.000 So he doesn't want to do it.
02:23:08.000 He goes, I thought we should just get local guys to bring their family and friends.
02:23:12.000 That's what I would have done.
02:23:13.000 But Tony brought you guys.
02:23:15.000 He goes, TV's on.
02:23:17.000 TV's are on, dude.
02:23:18.000 People are eating.
02:23:19.000 They didn't even know there was a show.
02:23:20.000 So it's like I was standing in the middle of a diner, like a restaurant.
02:23:23.000 I saw this one guy and his dad.
02:23:26.000 They were just trying to enjoy chicken parm and looking at the TV. And I'm like, yeah, so my grandmother!
02:23:31.000 And they were just like, dude, I guess we're doing this.
02:23:33.000 I mean, it was fucking brutal.
02:23:36.000 And another weird one I did, somebody gave me an address to do a show.
02:23:40.000 It was a private home.
02:23:42.000 And they were having a party and they were watching a football game.
02:23:45.000 And there was hors d'oeuvres and I was in somebody's home.
02:23:48.000 And she goes, we're ready for the show now.
02:23:50.000 And I go, and all these adults sat on the couch in Indian style in the living room.
02:23:54.000 And I just stood in front of a TV with an empty Corona bottle as a mic.
02:23:59.000 But you want to know what?
02:24:00.000 I fucking killed.
02:24:01.000 Really?
02:24:01.000 I killed on that one.
02:24:02.000 Wow.
02:24:03.000 You know those gigs where you want to leave?
02:24:06.000 Yeah.
02:24:07.000 You know who Don Gavin is?
02:24:08.000 Sure.
02:24:09.000 Don Gavin's a fucking master.
02:24:11.000 He's a legend.
02:24:12.000 He's one of the most underrated comedians in all of history.
02:24:15.000 He's incredible.
02:24:16.000 Yeah.
02:24:16.000 And there's a joke about him where he showed up to a, I don't know who told me, somebody told me that he showed up to an outdoor event.
02:24:24.000 And he goes, yeah, I'm here to perform.
02:24:26.000 Where am I performing?
02:24:27.000 And the lady running it goes, you see that picnic table over there?
02:24:31.000 He goes, that's where you're going to be.
02:24:32.000 He goes, alright, cool, man.
02:24:33.000 I'm just going to go to my car and get my props.
02:24:34.000 And he left.
02:24:38.000 That sounds like Don Gavin.
02:24:39.000 He's like, alright, we'll get my props and left.
02:24:41.000 One of the things about Boston was there was a bunch of bookers, and they would book you in these little weird road gigs all around Boston.
02:24:49.000 And sometimes they would be like that Brian Deary gig where they would just try it the first time.
02:24:53.000 And I was nobody, so I got those gigs.
02:24:56.000 I got the gigs where they weren't proven gigs.
02:24:58.000 They would just send me out.
02:24:59.000 And so Mike Clark, who's a dear friend, who's Lenny Clark's brother, Mike Clark, who's the best.
02:25:07.000 He runs Giggles in Saugus, Massachusetts.
02:25:09.000 He managed guys and stuff.
02:25:12.000 He's fucking great.
02:25:14.000 And he had a gig at a fish restaurant.
02:25:16.000 It was a seafood restaurant down the Cape.
02:25:19.000 And so I drive all the way down there, do this gig.
02:25:22.000 It's just me.
02:25:23.000 It's a one-person show, right?
02:25:24.000 And I get there, and they explain to me that you're going to go on stage because this is a huge restaurant.
02:25:30.000 And there was a place where they had a waiting room where people were waiting to be seated.
02:25:35.000 I mean, it was like 150 people waiting to be seated, and the rest of the restaurant was huge.
02:25:39.000 So in this place, they had drinks, and they'd sit and wait for their table to be ready.
02:25:44.000 So I'd be on stage, and what I didn't realize until I was on stage was that the PA system, where they would announce whether or not your table was ready, was the same sound system as the comedy system.
02:25:57.000 Oh my god.
02:25:57.000 So I'm in the middle of saying, so I say to my girlfriend, Johnson, party of four, your table is ready.
02:26:04.000 Johnson, party of four.
02:26:06.000 And I'm like, oh no.
02:26:10.000 So you'd be in the middle of a premise, and it would just completely cut off.
02:26:15.000 But fortunately, the people thought it was funny that that was happening.
02:26:19.000 Yeah, you could use it.
02:26:20.000 I was good enough at that point.
02:26:22.000 I'd been doing comedy for like two and a half, three years, and it was good enough that I could make light of it.
02:26:27.000 I was like, what the fuck have I signed up for?
02:26:29.000 And the people were howling.
02:26:30.000 They thought it was funny.
02:26:32.000 But it was like, I would try to get through the punchlines quick because I was worried that the fucking PA system would kick in.
02:26:37.000 Oh, that's great.
02:26:38.000 And then like one time the PA system kicked in.
02:26:40.000 I'm like, hold that thought.
02:26:41.000 And they were laughing.
02:26:42.000 That's great.
02:26:43.000 And then it stopped.
02:26:44.000 But I told Mike, he's like, what the fuck?
02:26:46.000 But you had to, like you said, you were at the level where you were able to use it to your advantage.
02:26:51.000 Also, I was in a good mood.
02:26:53.000 Back then, it was like, you know, I wasn't that skilled.
02:26:57.000 So it's like, you know, you're clunky still.
02:26:59.000 And so you have to catch yourself on a good day.
02:27:02.000 You can handle almost anything.
02:27:03.000 But on a shit day, like if I had just gotten in a fight with my girlfriend or something like that, and then I got there and I was angry or depressed or whatever, then it's not good.
02:27:12.000 But that day I was smiling already when I got there, and then I was like, oh, it seems like a good crowd.
02:27:18.000 And I got on stage and people were pretty friendly.
02:27:20.000 It was like, I was having fun.
02:27:21.000 Yeah, I love that when that happens.
02:27:23.000 You kind of take a situation that's not great, but you're in the mood, so you're like, let's go have a good time with this.
02:27:28.000 Yeah, I had resigned myself to the fact that it was a hell gig, and also resigned myself to the fact that this was probably the last time they were ever going to have a gig there, because Mike's gigs were always good.
02:27:38.000 So he's like, eh, pal, I don't know about this one, you know, I just started out, you want to do it?
02:27:42.000 I'm like, I'll do it.
02:27:42.000 Like, I would do anything.
02:27:43.000 Like, I would call them up, what do you got for me?
02:27:46.000 That was the way it worked.
02:27:47.000 There was several booking agents that you could call up, and you'd say, what do you got for me?
02:27:50.000 And you'd break out a calendar and write some shit down on the calendar, and then they would give you directions over the phone.
02:27:57.000 And you would write it down on a legal pad.
02:27:59.000 Like I had a yellow legal pad.
02:28:01.000 This was before MapQuest.
02:28:02.000 Oh yeah, way before MapQuest.
02:28:04.000 Everything was written down.
02:28:05.000 I had a fucking map.
02:28:06.000 And everything was written down on a piece of paper.
02:28:08.000 And I remember I used to love that.
02:28:10.000 Because I used to feel almost like I was a hitman or something.
02:28:13.000 Like I got a job.
02:28:14.000 Like this is my job and this is where I'm going.
02:28:16.000 It was all written down.
02:28:17.000 And then I would take those pieces of paper.
02:28:19.000 I had like a folder of all the different places.
02:28:21.000 I had the directions already written out.
02:28:23.000 Oh, that's cool.
02:28:23.000 Yeah.
02:28:24.000 I wish I still had that.
02:28:26.000 I wish I still had that.
02:28:27.000 Those are the things that mold us.
02:28:29.000 There's this country club in Westchester called Sleepy Hollow, and it's one of the nicest golf courses in America.
02:28:36.000 It's incredible.
02:28:38.000 You go there and you're like, this is fucking incredible.
02:28:40.000 You look at the greens and the fairway.
02:28:42.000 You think you could be in Scotland, right?
02:28:45.000 And they do something called...
02:28:46.000 It's in Sleepy Hollow, New York.
02:28:47.000 They do something called the Headless Horseman Award where all these dudes go out on the golf course.
02:28:52.000 They come back in.
02:28:53.000 They shower.
02:28:53.000 They smoke cigars.
02:28:54.000 They eat.
02:28:55.000 There's ice sculptures.
02:28:56.000 And it's this big outdoor event.
02:28:57.000 And they bring a comedian in to go and do it.
02:29:00.000 And they give him like a couple thousand dollars.
02:29:02.000 So a buddy goes, hey, I can't do it this year.
02:29:04.000 Do you want to do it?
02:29:05.000 He goes, it's all dudes.
02:29:07.000 It's all like, you know, one percenters.
02:29:09.000 They're all millionaire billionaires.
02:29:11.000 And he goes, you know, he goes, they kind of like when you just roast or whatever.
02:29:15.000 So the guy looks at my thing and he goes, do you think this would be something?
02:29:17.000 I say your stuff, you seem like a regular comic.
02:29:19.000 Like, are you sure you want to?
02:29:20.000 And I'm like, you know, I was young.
02:29:22.000 I was like, two grand.
02:29:23.000 I was like, yeah, yeah, I'll do it.
02:29:24.000 Fuck, two grand.
02:29:25.000 So he goes, bring a friend.
02:29:27.000 So I bring a buddy.
02:29:29.000 I bring a Jason Lund.
02:29:31.000 And I got him a thousand.
02:29:33.000 So he goes up and he's fucking murdering.
02:29:37.000 He's murdering.
02:29:39.000 He's about to...
02:29:39.000 I gotta close the thing.
02:29:42.000 It's all white chairs.
02:29:43.000 It's like a fucking movie.
02:29:44.000 It's all white chairs.
02:29:45.000 And I said, I said, are you gonna talk about race?
02:29:47.000 I was just like, I'm gonna talk about...
02:29:49.000 But he's going up there.
02:29:50.000 He's throwing everything he's got.
02:29:51.000 And they're going, one more joke!
02:29:53.000 Then he does another joke.
02:29:54.000 He's killing it.
02:29:54.000 One more joke!
02:29:55.000 I mean, they didn't want to...
02:29:57.000 I get on stage, and I remember they go, roast the guy.
02:30:00.000 They go, here's one thing.
02:30:00.000 His wife has got, like, big fake tits and all this and stuff.
02:30:04.000 So just her name is Lindsay, all this stuff, right?
02:30:06.000 So I go on stage.
02:30:07.000 They loved him.
02:30:08.000 I immediately said something about him.
02:30:09.000 I was like, if you knew it was his checking account, he wouldn't be fucking allowed.
02:30:12.000 And they didn't even like that I was joking about him because they loved him so much.
02:30:15.000 Dude, when I tell you this fucking plane, the nose went down.
02:30:20.000 Joe, when I tell you if it was a dream of the worst.
02:30:23.000 It was the opposite of the...
02:30:25.000 It was going into a mountain.
02:30:27.000 So I start...
02:30:28.000 I remember I was making fun of Chris Christie at the time.
02:30:31.000 And I'm shitting on Chris Christie.
02:30:33.000 My buddy said he was in the back while I'm shitting on Chris Christie.
02:30:36.000 They go, dude, they just threw him a $3,000 a plate dinner in South Carolina last week.
02:30:41.000 Oh.
02:30:42.000 So now I go, now I'm in panic.
02:30:43.000 You know when you're in panic mode?
02:30:44.000 Yeah.
02:30:45.000 So you're just, all the bullets, everything.
02:30:46.000 I'm pulling the gun out of my fucking, out of my ankle.
02:30:49.000 Everything I got, right?
02:30:50.000 So I go, alright, roast him, roast him.
02:30:51.000 And I remember wife's name.
02:30:53.000 So I go, hey man, so I go, this guy's got a lot of money.
02:30:56.000 He's got his, you know, hands on a lot of paper and plastic.
02:30:58.000 And by plastic, I mean his wife Lindsay's tits.
02:31:00.000 And everyone goes, whoa, whoa, whoa!
02:31:02.000 And I'm, and like the grandfather was there.
02:31:05.000 And I'm, and in my mind, I'm going, they told me, dude, everything I did.
02:31:09.000 Joe, everything I fucking did.
02:31:11.000 I go, who's the golfer that hits it in the woods and acts like...
02:31:13.000 I mean, I tried everything.
02:31:15.000 It was so fucking bad that one of the old men go, all right.
02:31:21.000 Like, alright.
02:31:22.000 And I'm going, no, no.
02:31:23.000 And I said goodnight.
02:31:25.000 Thank God I had the two grand in my back pocket.
02:31:27.000 I walked out the door, into the parking lot.
02:31:31.000 I texted Jason.
02:31:32.000 I go, dude, I'm in the car.
02:31:33.000 Wow.
02:31:34.000 And we're just driving back in silence.
02:31:37.000 And out of nowhere, he just goes, Paul, you're a great comic.
02:31:42.000 I was fucking mortified, dude.
02:31:45.000 It was the worst.
02:31:46.000 How many years have you been doing it?
02:31:49.000 This was probably...
02:31:51.000 I've been doing it.
02:31:53.000 I was a pro, dude.
02:31:54.000 So did you go on stage nervous?
02:31:57.000 Were you nervous about following him because he was killing?
02:32:00.000 Yeah, he was killing.
02:32:02.000 They were going, one more joke, one more joke.
02:32:04.000 And he said some things I was going to maybe use.
02:32:09.000 Oh, right.
02:32:09.000 He did his thing.
02:32:11.000 And then I just got up there and everything went wrong.
02:32:14.000 And it was like if a movie, if a director was going, guys, this is going to be really bad for him.
02:32:21.000 That's what it was.
02:32:22.000 And that's one that, you know, you remember those, dude.
02:32:24.000 Oh, yeah.
02:32:25.000 I mean, that one stuck.
02:32:26.000 Yeah.
02:32:26.000 That one fucking stuck, man.
02:32:28.000 Those are good, though.
02:32:29.000 They're important for you because then you realize that that can happen.
02:32:32.000 You go, what did I do wrong?
02:32:33.000 Why was I boring?
02:32:34.000 Why was I unentertaining?
02:32:37.000 How did I fuck that up?
02:32:39.000 Isn't that horrible, though?
02:32:40.000 You just question, what could I have done?
02:32:41.000 That's what happens.
02:32:42.000 It's like, what could I have done?
02:32:43.000 And I think sometimes, honestly, I think sometimes...
02:32:46.000 You know, sometimes there are things you could do, and other times it's just, sometimes I just, you know, what can you do?
02:32:52.000 With what you had at the moment, that's the problem.
02:32:54.000 Like, if you went up there now today, you could probably just go right into some material, nice to be here, thank you very much, and you'd be more smooth and composed, and they would just follow along with you and you'd probably get them.
02:33:07.000 Right.
02:33:07.000 But, you know, those early days.
02:33:09.000 Or now today I could be like, today I could be like, and I mean I was still, I was actually pretty more advanced though.
02:33:15.000 I think what it was was, I think when I made the turn to roast and say that about his wife, and I don't know if her, I mean, that's what really turned.
02:33:25.000 And then I'm making fun of a guy that they're raising money for.
02:33:27.000 So it just was, you know, I mean, the only thing I didn't do was kick an old man.
02:33:31.000 That was really fucked up, man.
02:33:33.000 Well, you can't make fun of Chris Christie.
02:33:35.000 I mean, come on.
02:33:36.000 I forgot what it was.
02:33:37.000 I just said something about his...
02:33:39.000 It was at the time where he was doing those baseball games with his...
02:33:42.000 His gunt?
02:33:46.000 Whatever it was.
02:33:47.000 It looked like he had four balls.
02:33:51.000 But I don't even know if it was even about his appearance.
02:33:54.000 I think it was just something about him balancing...
02:33:56.000 I forgot what the joke was, but I know that it was just...
02:33:59.000 Dude, that was one I'll never forget, man.
02:34:02.000 It happens.
02:34:04.000 But it's like it's an inexact science, and you have to learn it.
02:34:08.000 You have to learn what it is to be entertaining.
02:34:10.000 You have to learn what it is to be a good comic.
02:34:12.000 And then sometimes you just don't have the fucking material.
02:34:15.000 You have the desire, but your material's just not there yet.
02:34:21.000 Yeah, like for certain outdoor things, there are things that, you know, but I learned from it.
02:34:25.000 Like you said, if I did it now, it'd be different, because I learned.
02:34:28.000 But there's things that suck while they're happening that are awesome later.
02:34:32.000 Like this.
02:34:33.000 Like this story's great.
02:34:35.000 It sucked while it was happening, but you have this great story now forever.
02:34:39.000 Yeah.
02:34:40.000 And when we're old and retired and not doing stand-up anymore, and people say, that's something that you'll tell your, hey, do you remember a bad night?
02:34:50.000 Yeah, that's a fucking night that I remember that was bad.
02:34:53.000 They're important for comics to hear, too, because a lot of comics have those and they think, oh my god, it's over.
02:34:58.000 I'm never going to make it.
02:34:59.000 I'm never going to get out of this.
02:35:01.000 This is me now.
02:35:01.000 I suck.
02:35:02.000 I need to get a job.
02:35:04.000 Yeah.
02:35:04.000 And you realize, like, listen, these are obstacles.
02:35:07.000 These obstacles are important.
02:35:09.000 They teach.
02:35:09.000 And some of my best sets that I've ever had and my best growing moments are after I bombed.
02:35:14.000 Like, I bombed, and then I had this, like, revelation, like, oh my god, I gotta get my shit together.
02:35:18.000 Like, either I'm slacking off, or I'm not focused enough, or whatever the fuck it is, I can't have that again.
02:35:24.000 And so, you know.
02:35:26.000 Yeah, and you remember, like, the first heckler that fucked with you.
02:35:29.000 The first heckler that scared you.
02:35:31.000 Because you're like, I've never had this interference, but then now the next time, you're like, oh, wait, now I know what to say to the next guy.
02:35:39.000 Yeah.
02:35:40.000 You know, the next time somebody yells something.
02:35:41.000 But remember how scary that is?
02:35:42.000 Yeah, it's a brutal learning process.
02:35:44.000 Stand-up comedy is one of the most brutal learning processes.
02:35:48.000 I always say that bombing on stage is like sucking a thousand dicks in front of your mother.
02:35:52.000 But the difference is, there's probably somebody out there that wants to suck a thousand dicks in front of his mom.
02:35:57.000 Like, look at this mom, you made me do this.
02:36:00.000 99!
02:36:02.000 You know, but there's no one out there that wants to bomb.
02:36:06.000 No.
02:36:06.000 No.
02:36:07.000 But there are some comics that when it's going bad, they go, okay...
02:36:13.000 I remember one time I saw Jim Norton at the cellar, and he just goes, all right, you people need to be disciplined.
02:36:19.000 And he just went hard.
02:36:21.000 It was just like, if this is the road we're going.
02:36:24.000 I've done that sometimes.
02:36:25.000 If I'm at the stand or the cellar or something like that, and I just know the crowd is being like, you clearly know it's them.
02:36:32.000 I'm going to give them this one because they're going to hate this one too.
02:36:35.000 There's those shows.
02:36:38.000 Norton puts a lot of fucking material up online.
02:36:41.000 He's always putting up those little clips on Instagram and stuff like that.
02:36:44.000 Yeah.
02:36:44.000 Seems like he's always at the cellar working.
02:36:46.000 Yeah.
02:36:47.000 Does he do the road?
02:36:48.000 Is he doing the road these days?
02:36:49.000 Yeah, I think he does.
02:36:49.000 Yeah, he does the road.
02:36:50.000 He's great, man.
02:36:52.000 He's a funny motherfucker.
02:36:53.000 Yeah.
02:36:54.000 Such a unique little character.
02:36:56.000 Yeah.
02:36:57.000 He's such an unusual human, you know?
02:36:59.000 How many people do you know like Jim Norton?
02:37:00.000 Dude, the Chip Chipperson shit is the funniest fucking...
02:37:03.000 The Chip Chipperson shit is just so unbelievably funny.
02:37:07.000 Yeah, it's such a weird thing he does.
02:37:09.000 He does that podcast with Chip, you know?
02:37:11.000 He puts the wig on, the glasses.
02:37:13.000 What about Doug Bell?
02:37:14.000 What's Doug Bell?
02:37:15.000 I don't know that one.
02:37:16.000 Doug Bell is a character about a comic in the 90s who thinks he's like a legend, but he's not.
02:37:21.000 And he's got like blonde hair.
02:37:23.000 Oh my god.
02:37:25.000 And he'll talk low, and then he'll be like, and then he'll look at the producer, yeah, take that out because I don't need, you know, but like he's like nowhere.
02:37:34.000 Yeah, take that out.
02:37:35.000 Oh my God, it's so fucking funny, dude.
02:37:37.000 He's the guy I tried to talk into doing podcasts a long time ago, but he's got that relationship with Sirius, you know, because he was on Opie and Anthony, and then he went from Opie and Anthony to Jim and Sam, you know, it's like, they're great on that show, but it's just like, man, your shit should be everywhere.
02:37:52.000 Yeah.
02:37:53.000 You know?
02:37:53.000 And I think it is...
02:37:54.000 What is this?
02:37:56.000 Oh, it's Doug Bell.
02:37:56.000 It's Doug Bell.
02:37:57.000 This is his character.
02:37:58.000 Let me see some of it.
02:37:59.000 That's a cameo, so it's going to be...
02:38:01.000 Let's see.
02:38:04.000 Hey, cameo world.
02:38:08.000 It's Doug Bell.
02:38:10.000 Better known as Doug Ring My Bell.
02:38:13.000 Doug Bell...
02:38:18.000 This cameo thing is crazy.
02:38:21.000 You're off the scene for seven years and you come back and everything is just crazy.
02:38:27.000 But I'm the guy, I got a lot of really funny show business stories.
02:38:31.000 So if you got like a birthday, I'll give you like, I got a million hilarious stories like for an anniversary or like if you had a birthday or an anniversary or something.
02:38:41.000 I got stories of it.
02:38:45.000 I was on stage one night and I'm doing my show and I used to have this joke right at the end where I'd go like, no, don't ever get married!
02:38:53.000 And I'd ring the bell and Chris Rock comes in and he goes on and he goes, hey Bell!
02:39:00.000 And I look, what?
02:39:05.000 I'll be with you in a second.
02:39:07.000 I'm taping this.
02:39:08.000 It's for Cameo.
02:39:10.000 I need the money.
02:39:13.000 So, you know, like that.
02:39:14.000 I had so many.
02:39:15.000 So just, if you want a cameo, like a crazy story like that, whatever, just, you know, it's good to see you again.
02:39:21.000 I'm back, and I'm better than ever.
02:39:24.000 What the fuck is wrong with him?
02:39:27.000 There's real people like that out there.
02:39:29.000 Yeah, that's what's fucked.
02:39:31.000 He's tapping into those guys that we know that were kind of headliners in the 80s and then they vanished.
02:39:38.000 They'll stop by and try to do a guest set somewhere and no one wants them to go on.
02:39:42.000 Yeah, that's fear, man.
02:39:45.000 I just think about those guys that dedicated 30-something years.
02:39:51.000 Did they really, though?
02:39:53.000 That's a good question.
02:39:55.000 That's a good question.
02:39:56.000 No, that's actually a good question.
02:39:57.000 Yeah, that's what really has happened.
02:40:00.000 How much effort did they actually put forth?
02:40:02.000 Yeah, because it's like, yeah, what did you do?
02:40:05.000 What did you do?
02:40:06.000 Did you do enough?
02:40:08.000 Because, yeah, like, I'm sure you're the same way.
02:40:11.000 I was just like, I was just never, like, I always just was like, had to work and had to get the goals in short term, long term, and whatever you fell short, you work harder to get.
02:40:17.000 But what's brilliant about that character is that guy who thinks everything he does is amazing and great in that he's a legend.
02:40:24.000 That is exactly what makes a guy like that.
02:40:28.000 That's what makes you never get past that, is that attitude that you are.
02:40:33.000 Mental traps.
02:40:34.000 People set themselves up.
02:40:36.000 They give themselves these little fucking safety nets where they're always going to be okay.
02:40:41.000 They never really put themselves out there.
02:40:44.000 Yeah, I remember one time I saw an older comedian go up to the young and go, what are you going to do tonight?
02:40:48.000 He said to the guy going, what are you going to do?
02:40:49.000 Like, what's your material?
02:40:50.000 Tell me.
02:40:51.000 And the guy was like, well, I was thinking about talking about this.
02:40:53.000 He goes, no, no, no.
02:40:54.000 And it's like, the guy was nowhere.
02:40:56.000 It's like, what the fuck are you listening to that guy for?
02:40:58.000 The guy was nowhere.
02:40:59.000 No, here's what you do.
02:41:00.000 And it was like, it was just, it was for him.
02:41:02.000 Right.
02:41:02.000 It was for him to, it was for him to feel like he was somebody that, you know, should be heard and should be like listened to and respected.
02:41:10.000 But, but he wasn't.
02:41:12.000 Yeah, like he's an expert.
02:41:13.000 Like he's an expert, but he wasn't.
02:41:15.000 Right.
02:41:15.000 Well, those are the type of people that start comedy classes.
02:41:19.000 Yeah.
02:41:20.000 Right?
02:41:21.000 Yeah.
02:41:21.000 Those are the weirdest ones.
02:41:22.000 Like, I don't know any legit comic that teaches a comedy class.
02:41:25.000 Do you?
02:41:26.000 No.
02:41:26.000 I mean, I'm sure they're out there.
02:41:27.000 Maybe I don't know about them.
02:41:29.000 I'm not disparaging every...
02:41:30.000 I mean, because it's...
02:41:32.000 It's a weird art form in that no one teaches you how to do it.
02:41:35.000 Right.
02:41:36.000 Like, someone will teach you how to play guitar.
02:41:38.000 There's songwriting courses.
02:41:40.000 No one is going to teach you how to do stand-up.
02:41:42.000 You do stand-up different than Jamie would do stand-up, different than this guy and that guy.
02:41:45.000 Everybody does it differently.
02:41:47.000 But it should be something like, I don't think a class can, you know, and I'm not going to knock a guy making a living.
02:41:53.000 If a guy's making a living because he's got some people in there giving him money and he's going to try to help with stage press, whatever.
02:41:58.000 I don't believe in it.
02:42:00.000 I think you just got to go up there and you got to eat some shit and you got to go up there and kill and everything in between.
02:42:06.000 I think what it does do that's good is it gets people on stage.
02:42:10.000 If you sign up for a comedy class and they say, hey, you're going to get up at the end of this class and the whole class is going to do three minutes, at least they're getting you on stage and then maybe you go from that and do something else and you actually wind up becoming a comic.
02:42:25.000 There's people that have started out in comedy classes, and it was just like a little foot ladder.
02:42:30.000 Just like, get them over the top.
02:42:32.000 Yeah, just get them up there.
02:42:33.000 Yeah, just get them up there.
02:42:34.000 And then once you get the bug, right?
02:42:36.000 Yeah.
02:42:37.000 I think one of the most valuable resources for stand-up is podcasts, where people talk about stand-up.
02:42:43.000 Like you, just doing that.
02:42:44.000 Like if a guy's an open-miker, and he hears this, and he's thinking about doing comedy, and he's like, oh, Paul Verge is funny, let me listen to this podcast.
02:42:50.000 And he hears your whole process and what you went through, there's value in that.
02:42:54.000 Like, that's where you learn about comedy other than actually doing it.
02:42:59.000 Yeah.
02:42:59.000 You can learn from people talking about it.
02:43:01.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:43:02.000 And also, like, people's process is different where when you get evolved enough, you know it's a joke before I wouldn't.
02:43:11.000 Right.
02:43:11.000 Like the closer of my Netflix special, I was playing basketball with my son and it was the first time that he challenged his father, challenged me verbally and like chested up to me and fucking blushed and he looked at me and said let's fucking, you know, and when it happened, When it happened,
02:43:28.000 I just was like, oh my god.
02:43:31.000 And then I got off and I remember going, oh my god.
02:43:34.000 That's a fucking, that's a bit.
02:43:35.000 So I called my friends and I go, dude, you gotta hear this.
02:43:39.000 And I told Giannis and I told Bill.
02:43:42.000 And Bill told me something.
02:43:43.000 He goes, Andy Kindler and Conan O'Brien heard it and they're laughing.
02:43:47.000 I'm going, I think it's a joke.
02:43:48.000 So I did it once at New York Comedy Club and I did it once at the cellar.
02:43:52.000 And somebody goes, close at the garden with it.
02:43:55.000 And I go, dude, I can't close up the garden.
02:43:57.000 There's 18,000 people.
02:43:58.000 They go, close up the garden with it.
02:44:00.000 So I said, this is what I'm going to do.
02:44:02.000 I'm going to do my set at the garden, and if it's going well, I'm going to do that joke.
02:44:07.000 I swear to God, Joe.
02:44:08.000 And I'm on stage, and I'm having the opposite of what I had at that country club.
02:44:12.000 Like, if I went to bed and dreamed, it was like, ah!
02:44:16.000 And they're there.
02:44:17.000 And I see all these people and it's amazing.
02:44:19.000 And I just look up and I see Patrick Ewing's thing in the Raptors.
02:44:22.000 And I go, fuck it, I'm a Knicks fan.
02:44:23.000 And I'm going, alright guys, I'm going to let you go with a story about basketball and my son.
02:44:28.000 And I did it.
02:44:29.000 And the place fucking erupted and it was the third time I ever did it.
02:44:31.000 And the coolest thing is Burr got on stage.
02:44:34.000 And he goes, how about Verzi killing with new shit?
02:44:38.000 He addressed it somehow, but it was the third time.
02:44:41.000 But I knew when my son did that.
02:44:44.000 I knew when my son did that, that it was something that could be special on stage.
02:44:48.000 It was one of those.
02:44:50.000 But where before you're doing it a while, you wouldn't know.
02:44:54.000 So that moment leaves.
02:44:56.000 Yeah.
02:44:57.000 Right?
02:44:57.000 Right.
02:44:57.000 You gotta capture that moment.
02:44:58.000 You gotta capture that moment.
02:44:59.000 Oh my god, this is a story on stage that people are gonna be captivated by, but you wouldn't know it, you know, when you're a two, three year comic.
02:45:06.000 How do you, do you write, do you sit down and write?
02:45:08.000 No.
02:45:09.000 Never.
02:45:09.000 I can't.
02:45:10.000 I don't know how guys are like, I open a notebook, you know, on Thursday for, I can't do that, dude.
02:45:15.000 I can't fucking.
02:45:17.000 Plus, I wouldn't know where to, you know, I just want to go and, you know, if my wife and I get into something or something like that happens, then I'm like, oh, that's something, you know.
02:45:26.000 So have you ever tried to write things?
02:45:29.000 I mean, no, not really.
02:45:32.000 The only time I've actually sat and wrote was when someone was like, hey, can you submit some roast jokes?
02:45:36.000 Or hey, can you send me some monologue jokes?
02:45:39.000 That's when I would have to do it.
02:45:41.000 But I'm not geared like that.
02:45:44.000 Maybe it means I'm not disciplined enough.
02:45:46.000 But comedy doesn't come to me like that.
02:45:47.000 Comedy comes to me in the shower.
02:45:49.000 Comedy comes to me when I'm laying in bed and I'm thinking about what happened during my day.
02:45:53.000 That's when it hits me, and I'm like, oh, let me try that.
02:45:55.000 Do you write your stuff down when that happens, or do you just keep it in your head?
02:45:58.000 If I write it down, it's just the...
02:46:01.000 Premise?
02:46:01.000 Kind of like the premise in one or two texts.
02:46:03.000 Outline.
02:46:04.000 Then I'll go on stage.
02:46:05.000 If I go at the stand or the cellar, I'll just kind of fuck with it a little bit.
02:46:09.000 Do you record your sets?
02:46:12.000 Yes, now I do.
02:46:13.000 Do you record them on your phone?
02:46:15.000 I record them on my phone, but it's hard to listen back to all of them.
02:46:19.000 Yeah, but at least you have them.
02:46:20.000 Right, like if a moment happens, then I'm like, oh fuck, I got it.
02:46:26.000 What's the worst is when you don't.
02:46:28.000 When a moment happens and you don't.
02:46:29.000 Oh, it's the worst.
02:46:30.000 Oh my god, when you did something at a club and you guys taped that, we're like, dude, we only taped the first set.
02:46:34.000 And you're like, no, dude, I said.
02:46:35.000 And then you started, do you remember what I said?
02:46:37.000 I know, that's the worst.
02:46:38.000 I'm like, what part?
02:46:39.000 Towards the end.
02:46:40.000 And they say something else.
02:46:42.000 You're like, no, no, no, not that one.
02:46:43.000 It's something else.
02:46:44.000 Like, fuck.
02:46:45.000 And then you'd be driving home.
02:46:46.000 Fuck, what was it?
02:46:47.000 Well, you have amazing act-outs.
02:46:50.000 So it's like, what if you did an act-out, an impromptu?
02:46:54.000 Right.
02:46:54.000 Right?
02:46:55.000 And all of a sudden, you don't have even the audio of it.
02:46:58.000 So now you've got to go like, did I? And then it's almost like maybe recreating that's not going to be what it was in the moment.
02:47:05.000 Right.
02:47:06.000 You know, because you just went into something and you just had this like amazing, amazing thing.
02:47:11.000 You know, I did if two fat Italians landed on the moon and I do them like on the thing and I had it and I was like, wait, what did I say?
02:47:19.000 Because I didn't know and I had it and I'm like, okay, now maybe I can do this.
02:47:22.000 Yeah.
02:47:23.000 You know.
02:47:24.000 Yeah, I think recording is great because you just never know.
02:47:27.000 You know, there's a guy named Mike Donovan who's a really hilarious comic in LA, excuse me, in Boston.
02:47:32.000 And he used to bring, this was back when people had tape recorders.
02:47:36.000 He'd bring an actual tape recorder on stage with him.
02:47:38.000 And he said, you should tape all your sets because you never know when you might just deviate.
02:47:44.000 Just have an idea that comes out because there's a mindset that you have while you're doing stand-up that is very different.
02:47:50.000 It's very different than any other mindset because you know that people are paying attention.
02:47:54.000 It's like what we're talking about with ranting on a podcast.
02:47:56.000 You know people are listening.
02:47:58.000 So there's a mindset that's a very different...
02:48:01.000 It's like if no one's listening, you're not going to get that mindset.
02:48:04.000 And sometimes the only way to get that is just put yourself out there on stage and these ideas will come up.
02:48:10.000 But you don't remember them.
02:48:11.000 That's what's fucked.
02:48:12.000 Even if it's really funny, you would say, well, I'm going to remember that.
02:48:15.000 But you're not going to.
02:48:16.000 No, you're not going to remember.
02:48:18.000 No, because you're in the...
02:48:19.000 You're in a trance.
02:48:20.000 I'm a very defiant, competitive person.
02:48:24.000 Very.
02:48:25.000 So, for me, if I'm the type that's like, I'm either going to find it or I'm going to get back on stage to get another moment like that.
02:48:34.000 I have that.
02:48:35.000 Very, very much so.
02:48:38.000 I don't like anybody getting the best of me where I can't retaliate.
02:48:44.000 You know?
02:48:45.000 I... No, I'm sorry.
02:48:47.000 Were you going to say something?
02:48:48.000 No, no, no.
02:48:50.000 Yeah, dude.
02:48:51.000 I got...
02:48:51.000 You remember that movie, Uncut Gems?
02:48:53.000 Yeah.
02:48:54.000 Great movie.
02:48:54.000 Fucking wild movie.
02:48:56.000 I'm in there with my brother.
02:48:57.000 These kids in their early 30s, late 20s were kicking my seat.
02:49:01.000 Dude, I fucking...
02:49:03.000 And they just kept doing it.
02:49:04.000 And I was trying to let it go.
02:49:06.000 I was just trying to let it go, right?
02:49:08.000 And...
02:49:12.000 So, the movie's ruined.
02:49:14.000 And I did one of these.
02:49:15.000 You know, like when somebody does it, you kind of do one of these?
02:49:17.000 But they're just like, and I could tell, and I hear them giggling and stuff.
02:49:20.000 So we leave the movie, and I see them laughing, looking at me.
02:49:24.000 And this is just my personality in life.
02:49:27.000 And I see my brother.
02:49:29.000 I give my brother a hug.
02:49:30.000 I say, I love you, man.
02:49:30.000 I'll see you later.
02:49:31.000 And these dudes get in a truck, and I start following them, because I had to get it out.
02:49:36.000 I had to get it out, dude.
02:49:37.000 So I'm following these fucking guys the wrong direction from my house on a highway.
02:49:41.000 And I'm going, what am I doing?
02:49:42.000 There's four of them.
02:49:42.000 What the fuck am I doing?
02:49:44.000 Right?
02:49:45.000 And they turned into this, like, alley.
02:49:47.000 And I turned into the alley.
02:49:48.000 And there was a Taco Bell.
02:49:50.000 And they just got on the drive-thru line.
02:49:52.000 And now I'm behind them.
02:49:53.000 And I'm on a drive-thru line at Taco Bell.
02:49:55.000 And I'm going, I'm going to fuck in.
02:49:57.000 I got to do something.
02:49:57.000 But I'm going, there's four of them.
02:49:58.000 What the fuck am I doing here?
02:50:00.000 Right?
02:50:01.000 So I go, I gotta scare them.
02:50:02.000 I gotta do something.
02:50:03.000 So they get their food and they park.
02:50:05.000 And I said something to the lady.
02:50:06.000 I go, did they say anything about me?
02:50:08.000 And I ended up ordering a taco and a soda because I was there.
02:50:11.000 I had to, right?
02:50:12.000 And I just sat there.
02:50:13.000 I just fucking sat there while they ate and I ate.
02:50:16.000 And the whole time, I'm going, I have to fucking...
02:50:20.000 Let them know that they ruined my movie.
02:50:23.000 I need to scare them.
02:50:24.000 I need to do something to fucking scare them.
02:50:27.000 But there was four of them.
02:50:28.000 It made no sense.
02:50:29.000 But then they did get scared, and they circled around, and they went in the line again.
02:50:33.000 And then I kind of started to go in the line, and I looked at them, and they were petrified.
02:50:39.000 And then I realized, I said, Paul, you have two children at home, and a wife, and you're 40-something years old, and I followed them 35 minutes.
02:50:49.000 I followed him 35 fucking minutes, dude.
02:50:52.000 And as I'm driving, I'm going, what is fucking wrong with you?
02:50:55.000 But I had to at least...
02:50:57.000 Something.
02:50:58.000 Does that make any...
02:51:00.000 Something.
02:51:00.000 I know what I did was stupid and doesn't...
02:51:03.000 But something.
02:51:04.000 I needed to do something.
02:51:05.000 And I tried to figure it out.
02:51:07.000 I talked to people about it.
02:51:08.000 And it was like, no, my wife's like, that's who I am.
02:51:11.000 So if I'm doing something on stage bombing or if I do something where somebody gets the best, I get to find...
02:51:16.000 I got to come back and do something.
02:51:17.000 And I don't know why that story reminded me of it, but that's how I am.
02:51:22.000 I don't like when somebody gets the best of me, or a set gets the best of me, or a crowd gets the best of me.
02:51:27.000 I get it, but don't do that.
02:51:32.000 No, dude, people were like, like, people said to me, like, dude, you followed, like, 28-year-olds for a long time and then bought a fucking taco and just sat there.
02:51:42.000 Like, it's ridiculous.
02:51:43.000 Yeah.
02:51:44.000 You know?
02:51:44.000 But, yeah, my wife wasn't, yeah.
02:51:47.000 I know that feeling, though.
02:51:49.000 The feeling of being fucked with at a movie theater is a very unusual feeling.
02:51:52.000 Someone's kicking your chair or talking shit or they're behind you.
02:51:56.000 Just being fucked with any time, though.
02:51:57.000 Yeah.
02:51:58.000 Like, being fucked with.
02:51:59.000 Yeah.
02:52:00.000 When somebody's intentionally fucking with you and they don't know you, I don't know why I did that, but I had to do it.
02:52:06.000 I had to do that.
02:52:08.000 I wanted some way for them to know that what they did was they can't just get away with it.
02:52:15.000 I don't know why.
02:52:17.000 Don't do that again.
02:52:18.000 I know.
02:52:19.000 It's a good way to die.
02:52:20.000 And there was four of them.
02:52:21.000 I could have got hurt.
02:52:22.000 For sure.
02:52:23.000 Yeah.
02:52:24.000 Yeah, you could have got killed.
02:52:26.000 Yeah, when people don't know what your intentions are and you're following them around, that's a recipe for disaster.
02:52:31.000 Yeah.
02:52:32.000 Don't do that, Paul.
02:52:33.000 No, I know.
02:52:33.000 It's a stupid...
02:52:34.000 It's a weird way to end a podcast.
02:52:35.000 It's a stupid...
02:52:38.000 Yeah, I don't know.
02:52:39.000 As soon as you were saying, as soon as we were talking about that, like, you know, getting the best of something or, you know, doing a set and not getting it right and wanting to get right back on stage and you don't write it down and you want to get right back and do it.
02:52:51.000 I just thought of that.
02:52:52.000 I just thought of that.
02:52:54.000 Don't ever do that again.
02:52:55.000 That guy was kicking my seat and he was laughing and it ruined my movie.
02:52:58.000 It ruined the movie and it was a great performance by Adam Sandler.
02:53:00.000 Yeah, it sucks, too, because if you watch it again, it's not going to be the same.
02:53:05.000 That's the problem with fucking movie theaters, man.
02:53:07.000 That's why I love watching movies at home.
02:53:09.000 It's so much better.
02:53:10.000 I love when they started, during COVID, they started streaming movies right away, like on HBO Max and on iTunes.
02:53:17.000 You can get it right away.
02:53:19.000 While I was out in the movie, I'm like, thank you.
02:53:21.000 This is what I've been asking for forever.
02:53:22.000 It's just too risky.
02:53:24.000 I mean, it's only happened to me a few times where people were talking in movie theater, you had to tell them to shut the fuck up, but it's enough that it's just so frustrating.
02:53:31.000 Some people will talk full blast.
02:53:33.000 Some people do that at a comedy club.
02:53:35.000 Some guy last night at the Vulcan, the front row, just talking full volume.
02:53:39.000 It's like, Jesus, some people just suck.
02:53:42.000 Yeah, but you know what bothers me?
02:53:43.000 You know what I should have done?
02:53:44.000 I should have.
02:53:45.000 I should have just turned around and I should have said dude stop kicking my fucking seat but he was doing it in this like really passive aggressive way where like after I did that it was like lower and like but yeah movie theaters anytime they always sit near you and I don't like being around people dude that's why my house is far away I don't like being around people dude I want to be away in the woods man.
02:54:06.000 I'm a country kid now.
02:54:07.000 Yeah.
02:54:08.000 Now you are?
02:54:08.000 I'm a country kid now.
02:54:10.000 I want fucking horses.
02:54:11.000 I told my wife, I want a fucking horse.
02:54:13.000 I want to be away from people, man.
02:54:14.000 I want to be in the woods.
02:54:15.000 I want to do comedy.
02:54:16.000 That's what I do.
02:54:16.000 I drive to New York City.
02:54:18.000 New York City sucks now, man.
02:54:19.000 It sucks.
02:54:20.000 In what way?
02:54:21.000 It sucks.
02:54:22.000 Well, I got to be honest, man.
02:54:23.000 The homeless thing in Austin's not great.
02:54:25.000 I mean, I saw a guy try to kill himself and jump in front of a truck the last time I did the Vulcan.
02:54:29.000 He was asking for money.
02:54:30.000 How long ago was this?
02:54:30.000 Four people said no.
02:54:31.000 And he goes, fuck this!
02:54:32.000 And he started screaming out words and he tried jumping in front of a truck.
02:54:34.000 And that's happening in a lot of cities, but New York too.
02:54:37.000 New York is shitty now.
02:54:38.000 Austin's cleaned up the homeless a lot.
02:54:40.000 They used to have tents everywhere.
02:54:41.000 They're all gone now.
02:54:42.000 Oh, is it?
02:54:42.000 Yeah, they don't allow it anymore.
02:54:44.000 They passed an ordinance.
02:54:45.000 Well, this was probably like six months ago, so maybe that's it.
02:54:49.000 But no, I do my sets in the city.
02:54:51.000 I get to feel New York City.
02:54:52.000 And I feel that feeling.
02:54:54.000 And then I drive up and I got...
02:54:57.000 I got woods.
02:54:58.000 I got deer.
02:54:59.000 It's a good contrast.
02:55:00.000 It's amazing.
02:55:01.000 It's amazing.
02:55:02.000 And I have a lot of land.
02:55:03.000 I have a nice plot of land.
02:55:05.000 And I'm 800 feet elevated, so the sun sets behind the mountains.
02:55:10.000 And my wife has this beautiful garden.
02:55:11.000 We got a fire pit.
02:55:13.000 Nice.
02:55:13.000 And life gets quiet.
02:55:16.000 And that's the way that it should be, man.
02:55:18.000 You can't live.
02:55:19.000 A human being is not supposed to have a fucking...
02:55:21.000 Yeah.
02:55:21.000 Eight-foot backyard where you can lean over and touch your neighbor's house.
02:55:26.000 Some people love it though.
02:55:27.000 Ari loves it.
02:55:28.000 Ari loves it.
02:55:29.000 My friend Jeff loves it too.
02:55:30.000 Yeah, but Ari came to my backyard and fucking we drank a bottle till 7 o'clock in the morning at the fire pit.
02:55:35.000 He looked up and he goes, oh my god, I could do mushrooms here forever.
02:55:41.000 All the comics that get high and do that, they came to my house, they were just like, dude, we gotta go to Verzi's fire pit and do mushrooms and stare at the stars.
02:55:50.000 I'm like, oh, you could just hang out.
02:55:52.000 Well, Ari's a big mushroom fan.
02:55:54.000 He does that mushroom fest, shroom fest thing every summer.
02:55:57.000 Yeah.
02:55:58.000 I can't fuck with psychedelic shit.
02:56:00.000 No?
02:56:00.000 No.
02:56:02.000 Well...
02:56:02.000 Because it'll put me in a place...
02:56:04.000 Yeah, if you already get panic attacks and get weird, marijuana, probably not good for you either.
02:56:09.000 No, edible, sometimes an edible relax me.
02:56:11.000 Yeah?
02:56:12.000 And I'll be cool with that because I almost look at it like a Xanax.
02:56:14.000 Low volume?
02:56:15.000 You know, yeah, dude, give me a Xanax and three vodkas, I'm fucking, that's what I like.
02:56:19.000 Really?
02:56:19.000 Yeah.
02:56:20.000 But doesn't Xanax, isn't that addictive?
02:56:22.000 Yeah.
02:56:23.000 How often do you take Xanax?
02:56:24.000 No, not a lot at all.
02:56:25.000 What's not a lot at all?
02:56:27.000 No, no, I haven't taken Xanax in years.
02:56:29.000 I haven't taken Xanax in years, but I like a mellow, calming.
02:56:33.000 But when I start thinking about why I exist, I'll start crying.
02:56:38.000 We were talking at the beginning of the podcast about why aliens...
02:56:42.000 I had a panic attack thinking that we were in a ball in space.
02:56:46.000 The other day I was driving and I realized that we were on a ball that's moving in infinite space.
02:56:52.000 And I freaked out because as a kid, growing up, you think we're here.
02:56:55.000 Like you think we're down, right?
02:56:57.000 Like we're flat on the floor and everything is up there.
02:57:00.000 And I just like shit like that.
02:57:01.000 So me getting super high.
02:57:04.000 Dude, I took an edible.
02:57:05.000 My brother-in-law gave me a macadamia and chocolate bar and he goes, Paul, this is the highest potent shit ever.
02:57:11.000 You can only have one square in it.
02:57:12.000 Only have one square in it.
02:57:14.000 That's it.
02:57:14.000 So I bit it and it was delicious.
02:57:17.000 And 45 minutes go by and nothing really.
02:57:20.000 So I took another one.
02:57:21.000 Dude, I told my wife to take me to the hospital.
02:57:25.000 I fucking hallucinated.
02:57:26.000 I hallucinated and here's the fucked up thing.
02:57:28.000 I slept in my son's bedroom and I woke up.
02:57:30.000 I couldn't remember that I had to piss.
02:57:32.000 I couldn't even hold a thought.
02:57:33.000 And he's got Darth Vader, Star Wars all around.
02:57:36.000 He got a fucking goldfish this big.
02:57:38.000 The water was going in it.
02:57:39.000 And then I thought I heard two elderly, like Latino men whispering, conspiring against me outside.
02:57:46.000 I thought I heard like the water sound into the fish tank was turning into...
02:57:49.000 I called my...
02:57:51.000 She goes, you just got to sleep this off, dude.
02:57:52.000 And I said, I'm not doing it.
02:57:54.000 I can't do it.
02:57:56.000 I can't fuck with it.
02:57:57.000 I don't know how you guys, I don't know how you guys do it.
02:58:00.000 How do you guys do much?
02:58:02.000 The mental discipline to understand, like I would think I'm never coming out of it.
02:58:05.000 I would think I'm gonna lose my fucking mind.
02:58:08.000 I would have a full-fledged panic attack.
02:58:09.000 I don't know how you guys...
02:58:11.000 I don't think it's for everybody.
02:58:12.000 No, it's definitely not for me.
02:58:15.000 But if you only took that little bit of pot, maybe you've been alright.
02:58:18.000 Every story that's bad about Edible starts with, I don't feel shit.
02:58:23.000 And then you take a second one.
02:58:25.000 This ain't shit, right?
02:58:26.000 But I think what gets people is the 45-minute kick-in.
02:58:29.000 Because almost an hour goes by and you're watching a movie, you don't feel any different.
02:58:33.000 Yeah.
02:58:34.000 And you don't realize it's just starting to make its way into your bloodstream.
02:58:37.000 And then it knocks your balls off, dude.
02:58:38.000 And it fucks you up.
02:58:39.000 And some people embrace it.
02:58:41.000 Yeah, I like it.
02:58:42.000 You like it, huh?
02:58:43.000 I like being paranoid.
02:58:45.000 You do?
02:58:45.000 Yeah, I like it.
02:58:47.000 I like it.
02:58:47.000 I think it's good for you.
02:58:48.000 But let me ask you a question.
02:58:49.000 Being paranoid, are you afraid?
02:58:51.000 Yeah.
02:58:52.000 Yeah, I like it.
02:58:54.000 I think it's good sometimes to have that vulnerable feeling.
02:58:58.000 It puts things into perspective.
02:59:00.000 Because you are vulnerable.
02:59:02.000 Life is crazy.
02:59:03.000 We are in space.
02:59:04.000 So many things don't make sense.
02:59:06.000 And then sometimes I think that's good for you.
02:59:09.000 Like, I don't like confidence-inspiring drugs.
02:59:11.000 Like, I would not be a good person on amphetamines and stuff like that, the ones that make you think like you're the king of the world.
02:59:17.000 I don't think those are my thing.
02:59:19.000 My thing is just, I like to freak out a little bit.
02:59:22.000 Yeah, that's why.
02:59:23.000 I think we should all be a little paranoid.
02:59:25.000 Like, life is very unpredictable and wild, and it doesn't really make sense.
02:59:30.000 And you could just decide that it makes sense because it's always been this way.
02:59:33.000 And you could settle into what it is and think that it's- Wow.
02:59:37.000 The structure to it, and, oh, I get up in the morning, I have my cup of coffee.
02:59:41.000 Like, no, there's no structure.
02:59:43.000 This is wild.
02:59:44.000 This life is madness, and it's random, and it's chaotic, and it's not going to last.
02:59:50.000 Yeah, well, I don't like thinking like that.
02:59:52.000 I like thinking like that.
02:59:53.000 You like thinking like that?
02:59:55.000 I like it.
02:59:56.000 It's good for me.
02:59:56.000 It makes me appreciate the things that are here.
02:59:58.000 And when I come out of it, I always feel like I'm learning something about myself.
03:00:03.000 Are you spiritual?
03:00:04.000 Do you believe in God or do you believe in something?
03:00:06.000 That's a weird question, right?
03:00:08.000 The problem with spiritual, it's tied down to too many people that are annoying.
03:00:13.000 That word has been attached to guys who wear wooden beads and talk nonsense because they're trying to get laid.
03:00:18.000 You know what I mean?
03:00:19.000 The cult leaders and shit.
03:00:20.000 Spiritual.
03:00:21.000 They're just talking...
03:00:21.000 I'm spiritual.
03:00:23.000 I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual.
03:00:25.000 I think it's very possible there's something greater than us that's running this whole thing.
03:00:31.000 I think in some sort of a weird way.
03:00:33.000 I think it's just what we think of as us, as just being a human being, the energy that it is of being a human being is a very complex energy.
03:00:41.000 And what it means to be alive is very strange.
03:00:44.000 Very strange.
03:00:45.000 And you're a part of some massive process.
03:00:48.000 Massive process of billions of other similar organisms who all have their own hopes and dreams and ideas and desires and they're all moving towards a certain direction and all of it is moving together.
03:01:02.000 You just can't see it because you're in the middle of it.
03:01:04.000 But as a super organism, as one gigantic race of beings, we're all moving in a general direction.
03:01:11.000 And that's what I like about getting high, is that I can put things into perspective and it humbles me.
03:01:18.000 Ah, yeah.
03:01:20.000 I believe in something, and I believe in putting things out into the universe that come back.
03:01:25.000 And I've had, you know, not to turn this into that, but I've had things answered that I've asked.
03:01:30.000 So you think God's looking out for you?
03:01:33.000 I think something is.
03:01:34.000 I think something is, man.
03:01:36.000 And a lot of things that I've put out there and I've asked for and I believe in and I've gotten senses and feelings and, you know, whatever it is, whatever people want to say and people, oh, whatever, you know, this and that.
03:01:45.000 But, yeah, I do.
03:01:48.000 I think if you think that way, it can benefit you.
03:01:50.000 It may be true.
03:01:51.000 It may be true that something's looking out for you.
03:01:53.000 But I do believe that if you think that way, it can benefit you.
03:01:56.000 Yeah, and I think that there's, you know, there's some, a lot of the things that Jim Carrey said when he was like, you know, when you put things out there or you kind of talk it into existence and say something, you know, I don't know if it's some force, but there's some power to that.
03:02:10.000 Maybe even if it's something that motivates you to get there.
03:02:13.000 Or even if it's something that comes in subconsciously to you in order to get that end result and get that final goal.
03:02:19.000 But when you say that, I said some of the shit that I was going to do.
03:02:22.000 And that's when some people are like, oh yeah, but I said it.
03:02:25.000 And I meant it.
03:02:26.000 And I was a guy that was looked over and I was like, no, no, it's coming.
03:02:31.000 And it's never going to not be that way because that's what I do and who I am.
03:02:38.000 But when I say something, I feel something and I ask for it.
03:02:42.000 Alright.
03:02:43.000 I believe you.
03:02:44.000 Paul Verzi, don't follow anybody home anymore.
03:02:46.000 I know, man.
03:02:47.000 You're a cool motherfucker.
03:02:48.000 I appreciate you.
03:02:49.000 Thank you very much for being here, man.
03:02:50.000 Dude, I appreciate you for having me.
03:02:51.000 It was a lot of fun.
03:02:51.000 Thank you, man.
03:02:51.000 My pleasure.
03:02:52.000 Tell everybody your special, where they get it, what it's called.
03:02:54.000 Guys, my special right now is streaming on Netflix.
03:02:56.000 It's called Nocturnal Admissions.
03:02:58.000 And I thank everybody for the kind reviews of Verzi Effect Podcast.
03:03:01.000 I co-host the Anything Better Podcast with Bill Burr.
03:03:04.000 I will be at San Diego American Comedy Company.
03:03:08.000 I love that club.
03:03:09.000 That's a great club.
03:03:10.000 I'll be there tomorrow through Saturday, and I got...
03:03:14.000 Look at that smiling fuck.
03:03:15.000 How much makeup did they put on you?
03:03:17.000 Jesus Christ.
03:03:17.000 A lot, yeah.
03:03:18.000 Who are you?
03:03:19.000 What have you done with Paul Verzi?
03:03:22.000 Yeah, I will be also in Rosemont.
03:03:24.000 Zany's?
03:03:24.000 You been to that?
03:03:25.000 Yes.
03:03:26.000 Yeah, yeah.
03:03:26.000 The Chicago one.
03:03:27.000 The one outside of Chicago.
03:03:29.000 It's like...
03:03:29.000 Just outside?
03:03:30.000 Yes, just outside.
03:03:30.000 That's a great club.
03:03:31.000 I'll be there the 22nd, 23rd.
03:03:33.000 I'm also going to Michigan in the middle of July.
03:03:34.000 Go to paulverzi.com for all my dates.
03:03:37.000 Dude, I really appreciate you having me on.
03:03:38.000 My pleasure, brother.
03:03:38.000 It was great to talk to you.
03:03:40.000 I really enjoyed it.
03:03:40.000 We'll do it again.
03:03:41.000 Appreciate it.
03:03:42.000 Paul Verzi, everybody.
03:03:43.000 Good night.
03:03:43.000 Bye-bye.