The Joe Rogan Experience - November 02, 2022


Joe Rogan Experience #1892 - Sober October 4 Recap


Episode Stats

Length

3 hours and 14 minutes

Words per Minute

202.93965

Word Count

39,465

Sentence Count

4,648

Misogynist Sentences

88

Hate Speech Sentences

83


Summary

It's the last episode of the year, and we're celebrating by drinking a whole bottle of scotch. We also talk about the new Ariana Grande album, the new Joe Rogan t-shirt, and the new Jack O'Donnell movie. And of course, we talk about how much we love Jack O's music and how he's one of the most talented musicians we've ever seen. Joe also talks about how he has been sober for 19 years and why he's never wanted to drink again. And finally, we discuss how he doesn't care if you're drunk or not and why you should never drink when you're with someone you're not supposed to be drinking. Joe is a comedian, writer, podcaster, and podcaster from Los Angeles, California. He's been in the entertainment business for a long time and has always been a fan of music, comedy, and stand-up comedy. He also happens to be a good friend of mine and I think he's a great human being and a very funny human being. I hope you enjoy this one. Cheers, Cheers! -Joe Rogan and his crew and Happy New Year, everyone! Cheers. XOXO, Joe and his team -The Joe Rogans Experience Thank you so much for making this podcast possible. Cheers to all the hard work you're doing this podcast and supporting it with your hard work. -Your support is so appreciated. Joe's not only appreciated, thank you, Joe's family and friends. xoxo, Jack O, your support is SO MUCH more than you can do it, Joe, and your support us in this podcast is so much more than enough. Thank you for being a rockstar, you deserve it. and thank you for giving us a chance to make this podcast a good night out here! XO, Jack, Jack and I appreciate you, Jack & I love you, so much, Jack. . - Joe, XO - xO, - XO. JOE -AYO - AYO, JOSEPH, JOE, JUICY, JEAN, JACOB, JOBAN, RYANCHOR, JAYE, SONGS, JAMIE, JAWNSY, AND KELLY, PODCASTING, GABE, JEROME, JAMES, DADDY, BABY.


Transcript

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
00:00:12.000 I'm really excited.
00:00:13.000 I'm really excited about feeling alcohol.
00:00:15.000 You haven't had any yet?
00:00:16.000 I haven't had any.
00:00:17.000 No.
00:00:18.000 Really?
00:00:18.000 We're up.
00:00:19.000 Alright, here it is.
00:00:19.000 Cheers.
00:00:20.000 I haven't had any.
00:00:20.000 Cheers.
00:00:21.000 No alcohol to now.
00:00:22.000 31 days.
00:00:23.000 Gentlemen, we fucking did it.
00:00:25.000 Yes.
00:00:26.000 To all you out there, too, who did it with us.
00:00:28.000 Salud.
00:00:28.000 Cheers.
00:00:28.000 Cheers.
00:00:30.000 Baby, let's see what you're playing.
00:00:32.000 Ooh, that's good scotch.
00:00:33.000 Mmm.
00:00:34.000 That's...
00:00:35.000 21-year-old Glenlivet.
00:00:37.000 Very nice.
00:00:38.000 Damn.
00:00:39.000 Very nice.
00:00:40.000 Like a gentleman over here with cigars.
00:00:42.000 21 years.
00:00:43.000 We got old whiskey.
00:00:44.000 We all got new shirts.
00:00:45.000 It's a fucking great day.
00:00:46.000 We all got new non-promotional shirts.
00:00:49.000 I just had these in my closet.
00:00:50.000 Nothing to do with my special coming out today.
00:00:52.000 The special that comes out today.
00:00:53.000 It comes out today?
00:00:54.000 Today.
00:00:55.000 It's on YouTube, which is the only place to release the special these days.
00:00:58.000 Unless you're getting...
00:00:59.000 Congratulations.
00:01:00.000 Thanks, buddy.
00:01:00.000 Congratulations, Ari.
00:01:01.000 Thanks, guys.
00:01:03.000 Thank you, for real.
00:01:04.000 It's a good move.
00:01:05.000 And it's great shit, man.
00:01:06.000 It really is.
00:01:07.000 Watching you work at it so fucking studiously and so disciplined, it was really cool to see.
00:01:14.000 It really was.
00:01:15.000 And I think it's your best work, ever.
00:01:17.000 I really do.
00:01:18.000 It's rock solid, dude.
00:01:19.000 It's so good.
00:01:20.000 That set that I saw you do at the Creek in the Cave, it's so well put together.
00:01:24.000 It's thematic, but it's not.
00:01:26.000 It's just a club special.
00:01:27.000 Yeah, it's fucking great, dude.
00:01:30.000 I saw you run that a while ago, and I remember I hit you up like, you gotta shoot this.
00:01:36.000 Yeah, I was like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
00:01:37.000 You have to shoot it.
00:01:38.000 Fucking world shutdown.
00:01:39.000 Yeah, well, you wait, world restarts, and now you're releasing it, and it's gonna be even better.
00:01:44.000 I think it's better now.
00:01:46.000 Yeah, I think so, too.
00:01:46.000 It's weird when I put stuff away, you get back to it after a year and a half.
00:01:49.000 You know, when you see a shirt you haven't seen in a while, and you're like, oh, I love this!
00:01:52.000 It's like when I saw it the other way, I was like, oh, these setups are way too long.
00:01:57.000 Yeah, so you actually made it much better.
00:01:59.000 Yeah, for real.
00:02:00.000 That's always how it happens, though.
00:02:03.000 That fucking quote that you always had on your laptop is such a great quote.
00:02:06.000 The first draft of everything is shit.
00:02:08.000 The first draft of anything is shit.
00:02:09.000 Hemingway.
00:02:09.000 Such a great quote.
00:02:11.000 Hemingway's a bad bitch.
00:02:12.000 He knew how to name a special.
00:02:13.000 Or not, a book.
00:02:14.000 It was Bill Hemingway.
00:02:15.000 It's his cousin.
00:02:16.000 Hey, where's the fucking booze?
00:02:19.000 The booze?
00:02:20.000 Already?
00:02:21.000 Whoa!
00:02:22.000 And we're back!
00:02:23.000 It's in front of your face.
00:02:24.000 November.
00:02:25.000 You downed it already?
00:02:26.000 It's gone, baby.
00:02:26.000 It's a 21-year-old scotch.
00:02:28.000 I know.
00:02:29.000 It's so smooth.
00:02:29.000 People died to bring this here.
00:02:31.000 I feel like it's World War II. What a smell.
00:02:33.000 Is that a Scotland and a family's butthole?
00:02:35.000 Did you say that you did sip that?
00:02:36.000 I sipped it.
00:02:37.000 It was fucking beautiful.
00:02:38.000 It tastes like syrup.
00:02:39.000 With a fucking...
00:02:40.000 Slurpee straw.
00:02:41.000 We were talking about that video, about you never quitting drinking, about how goddamn inspiring that is.
00:02:46.000 Jack Osborne hit me up last night.
00:02:49.000 Jack, I hope you're cool with this.
00:02:51.000 And he was like, I've been sober 19 years, and I just watched this video.
00:02:55.000 I've never wanted to drink more in my life.
00:02:58.000 And I should watch it right now to fire myself up for getting fucking wasted.
00:03:02.000 Dude, let me tell you something.
00:03:05.000 I will never quit drinking.
00:03:06.000 Who's that guy?
00:03:07.000 I will never quit drinking.
00:03:08.000 I will always make sure that I can keep my body healthy enough so that I can always drink.
00:03:14.000 I love seeing a sunrise with a cocktail, seeing a sunset with a cocktail, having friends walk into your house with a bottle of wine, getting on a plane.
00:03:23.000 Can I get you something?
00:03:24.000 Double Jack on the rocks.
00:03:26.000 Lots of rocks.
00:03:27.000 I love the moment someone says, hey, we should get a drink.
00:03:31.000 And you're not supposed to.
00:03:33.000 That's like your first kiss.
00:03:34.000 You don't get that first kiss when you're married.
00:03:36.000 You get to have those first drinks.
00:03:38.000 At a brunch, someone goes, should we do mimosas?
00:03:40.000 And the waiter goes, actually, we have bottomless mimosas.
00:03:43.000 And you're like, this is going to be the best day ever.
00:03:47.000 Dude, you just hype me the fuck up.
00:03:49.000 You just hype me up, bro.
00:03:51.000 That was like a locker room speech.
00:03:54.000 Dude, ah, fucking yes!
00:03:56.000 You're back.
00:03:57.000 Yes, I'm back, and it feels so good, like a warm blanket that you grew up with.
00:04:01.000 But it also felt good to be sober, you were saying.
00:04:04.000 It felt fucking amazing.
00:04:06.000 Wow.
00:04:07.000 It felt amazing, and they both feel amazing.
00:04:08.000 But it's like for you, more than anybody I know, this is part of your identity.
00:04:13.000 But it is, as much as it is, the average dude.
00:04:17.000 No.
00:04:18.000 No, I mean, look, I think that's not true.
00:04:21.000 That's not true.
00:04:22.000 That is a false statement.
00:04:25.000 Fact checkers on Twitter disagree with that statement.
00:04:28.000 Across the board, fact checkers have a problem with that.
00:04:29.000 The government fact checking is going to have an issue with it.
00:04:31.000 It might shut down my podcast.
00:04:32.000 My identity is, my thing is life, is living.
00:04:37.000 Pow!
00:04:37.000 I like to live.
00:04:39.000 I'm like most people.
00:04:40.000 No, but I like to live life.
00:04:42.000 I like to feel it.
00:04:43.000 I like to go after it.
00:04:44.000 I like to feel it.
00:04:45.000 I like spontaneity.
00:04:47.000 I love not knowing.
00:04:48.000 I love the gamble.
00:04:49.000 I love all of it.
00:04:50.000 And I fucking love the feeling when you get a text from you and you're like, hey, what are you doing today?
00:04:57.000 You want to go podcast?
00:04:58.000 And you're like, come on over.
00:04:59.000 We'll get fucking wasted.
00:05:00.000 It's the fucking greatest.
00:05:03.000 It hasn't hit me yet.
00:05:04.000 I'm waiting for it to fucking cover me.
00:05:07.000 It's nice.
00:05:08.000 It's nice to be away from it, but it's nice to be back at it.
00:05:11.000 The thing with marijuana with me is writing.
00:05:14.000 I was telling you today, like, it's the first day I did my routine, which is either in the morning, I usually get up early, everybody goes to school, and I fucking spark up.
00:05:25.000 I spark up and I write.
00:05:26.000 Is that pretty routine for you?
00:05:27.000 It has been.
00:05:29.000 It was for the last few months before October.
00:05:32.000 Yeah, the morning...
00:05:33.000 I used to do it late at night after shows, and I still do, but there's a thing where I'm tired.
00:05:37.000 Late at night after shows, I force myself to write, but I don't think it's as good.
00:05:41.000 I think in the morning, sometimes I have some of my best ideas.
00:05:44.000 Your brain's so rested.
00:05:45.000 Sorry, Tom.
00:05:46.000 No, no.
00:05:46.000 When you do that, because I don't do that, when you do that and you start writing, is your mindset in this, I'm writing material?
00:05:53.000 Or is it literally just stream of consciousness, whatever comes out?
00:05:58.000 It's stream of consciousness about subjects.
00:06:00.000 Okay, so you bring up topics?
00:06:03.000 Yeah, like today I did.
00:06:05.000 Luckily, I had an idea that I wanted to fuck with.
00:06:07.000 And so then once I start writing, I'm not writing, because if I write within the confines of this has to be material, it'll be too constrained.
00:06:14.000 I'm like, I've got to set up punchlines, set up punchlines.
00:06:16.000 Right, because then it feels like it So it could literally be something like a topic?
00:06:20.000 Yes.
00:06:21.000 I just write almost like an essay.
00:06:23.000 But I'll repeat myself over and over again in the essay.
00:06:26.000 I'll start again.
00:06:27.000 I'll start with the subject this way, and I'll go, you know, one more time.
00:06:30.000 I'll try it this way again.
00:06:31.000 And then I'll do it again, and I'm just trying to extract stuff.
00:06:34.000 Because ideally you want to get to every piece of it that you think about.
00:06:38.000 Like South Park where they'll cover all sides.
00:06:40.000 I think Carlin wrote like that.
00:06:41.000 I get seeds that way.
00:06:43.000 And then those seeds I bring on stage and they walk out there like Bambi on Ice.
00:06:47.000 They're all fucking wobbly and shit.
00:06:49.000 But if I just stick with them, eventually I know the process.
00:06:53.000 It'll become one of my best bits.
00:06:55.000 As long as I'm being honest.
00:06:58.000 There's some bits I've just had to abandon.
00:06:59.000 You have to suffer if it's suffering.
00:07:01.000 You have to sit through the suffering.
00:07:03.000 Sometimes.
00:07:03.000 But then sometimes you gotta go, this one's never gonna work.
00:07:05.000 Do you find yourself veering away from anything personal when you start writing?
00:07:09.000 Do you do topic?
00:07:11.000 Or do you find yourself like, because I'm mostly story-based, so I'm trying to mine shit that's happened to me.
00:07:18.000 You get a story and you're like, now let me really think about it.
00:07:22.000 Lately, there's been so much confusion in the world, politically and culturally.
00:07:26.000 It's kind of easy to have things to talk about, but hard to figure out how to make them unique and funny.
00:07:31.000 You know, like, you don't want the same hot take that everybody has.
00:07:34.000 It's like...
00:07:34.000 You want to figure out, like, what is it about this that's weird to me?
00:07:38.000 And how do I make this into an idea that's funny?
00:07:41.000 It's like I always said that when I first started out, all I wanted to do was get laughs.
00:07:45.000 So comedy was just like a tool.
00:07:48.000 It was like a ruler or a hammer or a screwdriver.
00:07:50.000 I was just trying to make it work.
00:07:52.000 And then I was like, what do I think is funny?
00:07:55.000 Let me make stuff that I would actually go to see, because some of my stuff I didn't think was funny.
00:07:58.000 I was just doing it because it got laughs.
00:08:00.000 That's really funny.
00:08:01.000 Yeah.
00:08:01.000 So wait, you were...
00:08:02.000 Because...
00:08:02.000 Hold on.
00:08:03.000 Am I hearing this right?
00:08:04.000 So that's a very funny premise that you write, you get up on stage for the first time, and all of a sudden you go...
00:08:10.000 Oh, shit, I have a hammer.
00:08:11.000 But now you're using a hammer to get a screw out of a wall, using a hammer to get, like, you only get a couple tools and you're using them for everything.
00:08:18.000 And the better you get, the more tools you get.
00:08:21.000 And you're like, oh, shit, I can use this screwdriver just for unscrewing screws.
00:08:25.000 Yeah, but it's more of like I started writing comedy that I would think was funny, that I would laugh at.
00:08:31.000 Whereas I wasn't doing that at first.
00:08:33.000 I don't think you could actually end up failing if you stick to that.
00:08:36.000 Yeah, if you just do stuff that you think is funny.
00:08:38.000 If you think that's funny.
00:08:39.000 That took a while for me to figure out, though.
00:08:42.000 It took me a while to figure out that I was getting laughs with stuff that I wouldn't pay to see.
00:08:46.000 Right.
00:08:47.000 And I was like, oh, I've just got, like, tools that I'm trying to, like, force onto people.
00:08:51.000 You were flying, like, a really old set, and you're like, ah!
00:08:54.000 Oh, I got some sets from, like, 93. They're deaf.
00:08:56.000 Yeah.
00:08:57.000 You should post them.
00:08:58.000 Fucking deaf.
00:08:59.000 Well, there's one that's out there, the MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour.
00:09:02.000 Oh, yeah.
00:09:02.000 It's death.
00:09:03.000 It's young, cute me, deaf, so dumb.
00:09:07.000 I'm so dumb.
00:09:08.000 I'm dumb now, but I was really dumb then.
00:09:10.000 But it's just, then I figured out how to do things that I would laugh at.
00:09:14.000 And that was like right around the time I was figuring that out.
00:09:16.000 And then it's figuring out like, don't just accept it the way it is.
00:09:20.000 Edit that shit down.
00:09:21.000 Trim it up.
00:09:23.000 Rework it.
00:09:24.000 Try it a different way.
00:09:25.000 Figure out a way.
00:09:26.000 And one of the things that I learned over the pandemic is like, You give a bit two years, or you give a special two years, it's gonna be pretty good.
00:09:32.000 Give a special four years, like, it's better.
00:09:35.000 Five and a half years, Ari Shafir Jew on YouTube right now.
00:09:37.000 Oh, what's this?
00:09:39.000 That's a coincidence.
00:09:40.000 We all are, we're wearing Ari Shafir Jew shirts.
00:09:43.000 It was wild that you guys all showed up on that.
00:09:45.000 If only if this was a hot topic right now.
00:09:47.000 I would be a hot topic.
00:09:48.000 Just making them overnight on the fucking cheapest shit I could.
00:09:52.000 Do you think people would be mad at us non-Jews wearing this?
00:09:55.000 Is this an issue?
00:09:55.000 Well, we have your support.
00:09:57.000 For now.
00:09:58.000 They don't really...
00:09:59.000 They'll turn on us if it has to.
00:10:00.000 They don't really claim me as one of their brightest.
00:10:02.000 This isn't going to be the maddest they get about this podcast.
00:10:05.000 No way.
00:10:05.000 Nah, we're starting fires we can't put out, guys.
00:10:08.000 Yeah, we're fine.
00:10:08.000 Hey, tell me about your special.
00:10:11.000 Starting fires we can't put out.
00:10:13.000 Yeah, you'll see.
00:10:14.000 That's my business model.
00:10:15.000 Starting fires we can't put out.
00:10:17.000 That's all I've ever done.
00:10:17.000 It's a good name for a special, too.
00:10:18.000 That's why I'm number one.
00:10:22.000 That's not an accident.
00:10:24.000 Just keep moving.
00:10:25.000 CNN can't never not keep moving.
00:10:27.000 You should do a podcast with Kanye.
00:10:30.000 I would love to.
00:10:31.000 I'm on CNN. I would love to.
00:10:32.000 I would tell him, like, dude, listen, I know you're up to something.
00:10:36.000 So, like, I'm not gonna attack you.
00:10:37.000 I'm not gonna claim you're crazy.
00:10:38.000 What you got, bro?
00:10:39.000 You're an artist.
00:10:40.000 What are you talking about?
00:10:41.000 I'm not even following it that closely, so I know that he's saying, like, crazy stuff.
00:10:45.000 I listen to Lex Friedman and him.
00:10:48.000 It's not fascinating to me, so I just tap out pretty quick.
00:10:52.000 Well, Kanye, this is the way I've described it, and I'm going to describe it in the most charitable way possible.
00:10:57.000 The same thing that makes him a great artist.
00:11:00.000 He's like, boom, bam, boom!
00:11:02.000 It's like one thing to another, and every rap flows with the fucking beat, and it's so catchy, it's so good, and he's in full control.
00:11:09.000 He's on the throttle, he's working the blinkers, he's got the brakes, he's shifting gears.
00:11:14.000 He's a musical genius.
00:11:15.000 He's a genius.
00:11:16.000 He's a genius.
00:11:17.000 When you apply that same thing to conversation, you want to dominate the conversation, you want to enforce what you're saying, and then try to figure out a way to make what you're saying valid, even if it's not.
00:11:31.000 You're wrestling with your initial idea that you put out there, and then you're experiencing pushback.
00:11:37.000 You don't like it.
00:11:39.000 Yeah.
00:11:39.000 Just put it to a fucking beat, dude.
00:11:41.000 Give us what we want.
00:11:43.000 All he did was make bangers for forever.
00:11:46.000 Just put it to a fucking beat.
00:11:48.000 Have you ever heard Black Skinhead?
00:11:50.000 It's one of the greatest songs of all time.
00:11:52.000 Dude, N-Words in Paris?
00:11:55.000 What's that word?
00:11:56.000 He made a rap through a fucking wired up jaw.
00:11:59.000 The thing is, everything he's like touched that is creative.
00:12:04.000 Also like clothing, right?
00:12:06.000 So like his design.
00:12:08.000 The Kanye hoodie, the Gap collab Kanye hoodie is the greatest thing I've ever put on my tits.
00:12:15.000 It is fucking phenomenal.
00:12:18.000 Yeezy's fucking phenomenal.
00:12:20.000 They're disgusting.
00:12:21.000 They're so comfortable.
00:12:23.000 They glorify Crocs.
00:12:23.000 They're so fucking comfortable.
00:12:26.000 The 350s are super.
00:12:27.000 Kanye's a fucking genius, and then you watch him with Lex Friedman, and I feel bad for him because I feel like he's a dumb girl trying to fight.
00:12:35.000 He makes some good points, though.
00:12:37.000 Where he's like, no!
00:12:38.000 Okay, first of all...
00:12:40.000 We are annoying.
00:12:41.000 Second of all...
00:12:42.000 This is a good bit.
00:12:48.000 Please tell me you do this on your special on YouTube.
00:12:51.000 Please open with this tonight.
00:12:52.000 By the way, you realize how many people are going to be Googling the word Jew on YouTube?
00:12:55.000 Please open with this tonight.
00:12:57.000 Oh my god, you have Jew 2 now because of Kanye.
00:13:00.000 That's right.
00:13:01.000 That's right.
00:13:01.000 Jew 2 coming 2026. You should do a post just about how right he is.
00:13:08.000 But when he says, my bank dropped me because of what I said, and they kept fucking Jeffrey Epstein?
00:13:16.000 There's not some hypocrisy there?
00:13:18.000 Well, I think now they're being forced to be publicly accountable to something that's very public.
00:13:21.000 They're going to drop Jeffrey Epstein finally?
00:13:23.000 Finally.
00:13:23.000 But it's something that's very public, right?
00:13:25.000 When things become very public, it becomes a problem for them.
00:13:28.000 That's very public.
00:13:29.000 You know, I was talking with Tony about Adidas.
00:13:32.000 Like, Adidas was started by Nazis.
00:13:35.000 IBM? And Adidas.
00:13:36.000 Oh, yeah.
00:13:36.000 I got Adidas.
00:13:37.000 You know, their brother, they split up.
00:13:39.000 Adidas?
00:13:40.000 Yeah, started by Nazis?
00:13:41.000 Two brothers.
00:13:41.000 Oh, yeah.
00:13:41.000 Two brothers, yeah.
00:13:42.000 They were, like, legit Nazis.
00:13:43.000 Dude, uh...
00:13:45.000 Who's the...
00:13:45.000 Adidas, he started Adidas, and his brother started Puma.
00:13:48.000 Yeah.
00:13:50.000 Who?
00:13:51.000 Puma?
00:13:52.000 Whose brother?
00:13:53.000 Adidas.
00:13:54.000 Is there a single sneaker that you could buy that's fucking 100% made in America?
00:13:59.000 Conflict freak.
00:13:59.000 No, not a made in America.
00:14:01.000 What about New Balance?
00:14:02.000 Tom's of Maine?
00:14:02.000 I think that is American made.
00:14:03.000 I think New Balance might be.
00:14:05.000 Is that real?
00:14:06.000 Find out if that's true.
00:14:07.000 My favorite Miss Patrick was after Black Lives Matter and everybody's like yelling and screaming.
00:14:11.000 She goes, calm down white people.
00:14:12.000 Ain't nobody trying to take your New Balance.
00:14:17.000 I saw David Lucas fuck around with an audience.
00:14:21.000 Look at this.
00:14:22.000 We're proud to be the only major company to make or assemble more than four million pairs of athletic footwear per year in the USA. I saw that in flip-flops.
00:14:29.000 Which represents a...
00:14:30.000 But hold on.
00:14:30.000 There's a word.
00:14:31.000 There's a word.
00:14:32.000 Represents a limited portion of our...
00:14:33.000 But there's a word in there.
00:14:34.000 It's a little bit of a problem.
00:14:35.000 That's assemble.
00:14:36.000 The assembled parts, that's a little problem, because that might mean they get parts from overseas, and they're assembling in the United States.
00:14:42.000 To make or assemble more than four years.
00:14:44.000 Because there's a lot of shit that's hard to get in the United States.
00:14:46.000 How about that second one?
00:14:48.000 What sneakers are made in the United States?
00:14:50.000 Okay.
00:14:50.000 New Balance, Adidas.
00:14:51.000 Oh, these are like a specific actual shoe.
00:14:53.000 Adidas best road running shoes.
00:14:55.000 They're made in America.
00:14:56.000 Oh.
00:14:56.000 Right, but the thing is, like, when they say made in America, do they just mean assembled?
00:15:00.000 Like, where are the parts coming from?
00:15:01.000 Right, right, right.
00:15:02.000 Like, Origin is a company that I work with that makes American – it's Jocko's company.
00:15:06.000 They make American-made jeans, American-made jujitsu geese, American-made boots.
00:15:10.000 But even the American-made boots, everything that you can get is American-made except one thing you can't get that's from South America.
00:15:17.000 Right.
00:15:17.000 What is that?
00:15:18.000 It's like there's a part of the sole, like the base.
00:15:21.000 It's going to be the sole.
00:15:22.000 It's going to be the one part where it's going to cost some money.
00:15:25.000 No, it's not like the actual sole itself.
00:15:27.000 It's like the middle layer.
00:15:29.000 It's like there's a hard leather middle layer, you know, where the sole...
00:15:32.000 They're doing their best, at least.
00:15:33.000 Yeah, they're doing the...
00:15:34.000 What's it called, buddy?
00:15:35.000 Midsole.
00:15:35.000 No, but that's the insole.
00:15:37.000 No, that's the insole.
00:15:38.000 There's an insole.
00:15:39.000 I don't think they're calling it that, though.
00:15:41.000 It might be that, but it's a hard...
00:15:44.000 They have it on their website.
00:15:45.000 They're very transparent about it.
00:15:48.000 There's this one thing that said, as soon as we can source this in America, we'll make it 100% American.
00:15:52.000 But their jujitsu gis, their clothing, everything they make, all the stitches, all the people making it, all the cloth, it's manufactured here, it's put together here.
00:16:01.000 That's not common.
00:16:02.000 It's like most of the stuff they're getting from the cheapest places they can get it, and that's not necessarily America.
00:16:07.000 Yeah, for sure.
00:16:08.000 And every Nike's made, basically, overseas.
00:16:11.000 Yeah, but wouldn't it be a fucking great market for a really good sneaker that's 100% made in America?
00:16:16.000 Yeah.
00:16:17.000 Where's Under Armour stuff made?
00:16:18.000 If you build it that way, yeah.
00:16:20.000 Hold on, hold on.
00:16:21.000 There's a reason they're not doing it.
00:16:23.000 What?
00:16:23.000 It's going to cost us fucking $25,000.
00:16:25.000 But there's a market of people who would pay it.
00:16:27.000 Yeah, but people would pay it.
00:16:28.000 I think if you just made it a little bit more expensive to give people a good- There's a percentage of people that are like, I'll spend a little more to claim to myself that I supported America.
00:16:39.000 Right, especially if it was made better.
00:16:41.000 If you could show that it's made better.
00:16:43.000 You gotta do what Elon did.
00:16:44.000 Elon made...
00:16:45.000 I mean, I'm not...
00:16:46.000 I'm regurgitating facts, but he made being environmental sexy.
00:16:51.000 Like, he made the Tesla sexy.
00:16:53.000 People want it because they want it.
00:16:55.000 I went to see Al Gore speak once, and he said...
00:16:57.000 He talked about businesses, and he said...
00:16:59.000 He said...
00:17:01.000 Most...
00:17:02.000 Business owners will do what's right for the environment if you can cost you less than 10% more.
00:17:07.000 And so we gotta figure out a way to make it cost them just slightly more.
00:17:10.000 There was a minute where American Apparel was hot, and that was like all in L.A. You know, and then the company, the guy...
00:17:15.000 It's because the guy got weird.
00:17:16.000 He got weird as fuck.
00:17:17.000 That's what happens when you get all that cheddar.
00:17:19.000 You get all that cheddar, and that was like...
00:17:21.000 Did you ever tell you I went into those warehouses?
00:17:23.000 No.
00:17:24.000 In LA? Yeah.
00:17:25.000 You see the slaves?
00:17:25.000 We were doing Fear Factor.
00:17:26.000 Women slaves?
00:17:27.000 Dude.
00:17:27.000 Dude.
00:17:28.000 Wait, what?
00:17:28.000 I was joking.
00:17:29.000 Yeah, listen.
00:17:29.000 We were doing Fear Factor.
00:17:32.000 So we're working in this downtown LA building of warehouses.
00:17:37.000 It's crazy.
00:17:39.000 It's the weirdest setup.
00:17:41.000 One floor would be entirely abandoned and broken down and nothing.
00:17:46.000 Wires hanging from the ceiling, windows all blown out.
00:17:49.000 You go up one stair, you go up one stairway through one door, and all of a sudden there's a working factory.
00:17:54.000 Like what?
00:17:55.000 This is wild shit.
00:17:56.000 Like downtown LA, this was way before everybody knew what Skid Row was.
00:18:01.000 Well, most people in LA knew of Skid Row, but it wasn't like a shantytown that expanded out through Santa Monica and Venice and all the wild shit they're dealing with now.
00:18:09.000 That existed when we were filming Fear Factor.
00:18:12.000 So we would go to these warehouses and I went into one of them and it was where they made American Apparel.
00:18:19.000 And so we go up the stairs and you're seeing like a sweatshop.
00:18:23.000 But it's in America, and you're seeing people, they're all speaking Spanish, there's all Mexican music, you know, like, people are talking in Spanish, and they're from wherever they got to there, and now they're working here, and you're like, whoa!
00:18:38.000 Look, at least they're protected by American laws.
00:18:40.000 They're getting American wages.
00:18:42.000 And I mean, there's no saying that they weren't doing that.
00:18:45.000 But it was weird.
00:18:46.000 It's like you walked into another country.
00:18:49.000 Is it made in America?
00:18:50.000 Yes.
00:18:50.000 But it's made in America by people who definitely didn't come from America.
00:18:55.000 Yeah.
00:18:56.000 And they should definitely have that opportunity to do that.
00:18:58.000 It's all beautiful and everything, but being in this weird downtown LA thing, you picture fucking red-headed dudes stitching together flannel shirts.
00:19:06.000 It is not that.
00:19:07.000 I remember buying American apparel for my shirt.
00:19:10.000 It costs two bucks more.
00:19:11.000 I'd be like, no, no, it's the right thing to do.
00:19:13.000 But on one side, yeah, it is good.
00:19:15.000 They do have to give these people whatever the wages are supposed to be, and they have to give them as long...
00:19:21.000 But it's weird when you see these factories.
00:19:23.000 You're like, wow, these people are humping.
00:19:25.000 That's now.
00:19:26.000 Yeah.
00:19:27.000 That's now.
00:19:27.000 You really time stamp something with masks.
00:19:30.000 Yeah, because it used to be, when you thought of people manufacturing things in a sweatshop, you feel like they're doing it against their will.
00:19:40.000 But if you got to America, if you snuck out of another country and got to America, that's a good job to get.
00:19:45.000 You can get a good job working in wherever, where you can actually bring home the kind of money that's impossible where you're from.
00:19:52.000 Joe used to have a good bit about it.
00:19:54.000 You shouldn't wear Nikes, because they only make a quarter an hour or something, like a quarter a day, and you're like, maybe you should move.
00:19:59.000 What is it?
00:20:00.000 How did it go?
00:20:00.000 Something like that.
00:20:01.000 Your country sucks if you were going to make a quarter a day.
00:20:03.000 I don't remember how that joke went.
00:20:05.000 It was Joey's?
00:20:05.000 It was Joe Rogan's.
00:20:07.000 Oh, Joe's.
00:20:07.000 Yeah.
00:20:09.000 Maybe you should quit.
00:20:11.000 Yeah, maybe you should ask for a raise.
00:20:14.000 That job sucks.
00:20:15.000 I don't know what to tell you, but I need a pair of sneakers.
00:20:19.000 They're 30 bucks, and I'm just gonna buy them.
00:20:20.000 So I'm gonna get some sneakers.
00:20:22.000 It was a cadence.
00:20:24.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:20:24.000 I was like, I don't know what the fuck you want me to do.
00:20:26.000 Like, this is bigger than me.
00:20:27.000 I need sneakers.
00:20:28.000 What is the...
00:20:30.000 I need to fix the world.
00:20:31.000 Are sweatshops illegal?
00:20:32.000 In 2016, the DOL investigated 77 garment factories in Los Angeles who produce clothing for the aforementioned brands and found egregious labor violations in 85% of the factories it visited.
00:20:46.000 Pat yourselves on the back, Los Angeles.
00:20:48.000 You're really doing the right thing.
00:20:49.000 Forever 21, Ross and TJ Maxx have been major offenders in regards to utilizing sweatshops located in United States.
00:20:58.000 So that's what I saw.
00:21:00.000 Have you seen these sweatshops?
00:21:02.000 But again, I don't know what they were getting paid.
00:21:04.000 I don't know if there was any violations.
00:21:05.000 But you saw some shady surroundings.
00:21:07.000 It didn't look great.
00:21:08.000 The surroundings sucked.
00:21:10.000 The neighborhood sucked.
00:21:13.000 It was a weird mess of abandoned buildings and homeless people camped out.
00:21:19.000 I took a wrong turn and went down where Skid Row is.
00:21:24.000 I didn't try to drive down where all the tents and all the people were, but I passed by it.
00:21:29.000 And I got to see it.
00:21:30.000 I was like, this is madness.
00:21:32.000 And this is like, we're talking about like 2004 or something like that?
00:21:35.000 Do you remember when it was a block?
00:21:37.000 Yes.
00:21:37.000 It was just there on the block.
00:21:38.000 It was just that one area.
00:21:39.000 And you're like, wow.
00:21:39.000 And then it just started spreading.
00:21:40.000 But it's still contained for a while.
00:21:42.000 Now it's Hollywood.
00:21:42.000 Yeah, dude, it is crazy that people are tolerant of that.
00:21:47.000 That is crazy.
00:21:49.000 It's kind of nice because you get to see people's true Republican come out.
00:21:53.000 Right.
00:21:54.000 Well, when you push it.
00:21:55.000 Push it to what they're having to deal with.
00:21:57.000 These liberals...
00:21:58.000 I mean, look, I'm a liberal, obviously, but...
00:22:01.000 Obviously.
00:22:02.000 I mean, I'm fucking everyone.
00:22:03.000 You look like a goddamn redneck.
00:22:04.000 I do.
00:22:05.000 I look like a racist.
00:22:06.000 You definitely fall into what people would think.
00:22:08.000 Not a racist, but not a liberal.
00:22:10.000 I look horrible.
00:22:10.000 You look like...
00:22:13.000 You've had a Confederate flag t-shirt on at one point in your life.
00:22:16.000 At one point you were a Dukes of Hazzard fan.
00:22:19.000 You like Kid Rock.
00:22:20.000 At least you like Kid Rock.
00:22:21.000 We had a Leonard Skinner poster that was in our bathroom that was a tour poster that had a Confederate flag.
00:22:29.000 I didn't even realize it had it on.
00:22:31.000 I didn't even think of it.
00:22:32.000 It's just a Leonard Skinner tour poster with the Rolling Stones.
00:22:35.000 But it was a Confederate flag.
00:22:36.000 Yeah, it's everywhere.
00:22:38.000 There was one flying.
00:22:39.000 There's a couple flying on this tour outside of, you know, like in the proximity of the venue I'm playing.
00:22:45.000 We're like, is there anything like just flying?
00:22:47.000 How about the ones that are built into the state flag?
00:22:49.000 Yeah.
00:22:50.000 In there?
00:22:50.000 They still have that?
00:22:51.000 I think those are down.
00:22:52.000 Are they all gone?
00:22:52.000 I was just in, I think Mississippi's.
00:22:55.000 I feel like that's real recent.
00:22:56.000 There was one flying.
00:22:57.000 Six Flags Over Georgia got taken down.
00:22:59.000 Just flying high and proud.
00:23:01.000 It's fucking wild.
00:23:03.000 That's wild.
00:23:04.000 But I mean, that's one of those things where you're like, it's just pride for the South.
00:23:10.000 Okay, but it's the side that lost, that was in a war against the other side.
00:23:16.000 Are you still harboring bad feelings?
00:23:18.000 Should we know something?
00:23:19.000 It's the side that lost.
00:23:20.000 Yeah, of course.
00:23:21.000 How do you get to keep your flag?
00:23:22.000 Well, not only that, no matter what...
00:23:25.000 It represents something.
00:23:27.000 It totally does.
00:23:29.000 Maybe you need a new one.
00:23:31.000 Maybe you need a new Southern pride, everybody, inclusive flag.
00:23:35.000 Unless you're lying to yourself about what the Civil War was about.
00:23:39.000 Because people do that.
00:23:40.000 What's about trade?
00:23:41.000 That was taught when I was in high school.
00:23:43.000 That was taught in high school.
00:23:45.000 It was not about slavery.
00:23:46.000 In my high school, they said it's not about slavery.
00:23:49.000 It was about trade.
00:23:51.000 It was about free market.
00:23:52.000 It was about taxes.
00:23:53.000 And it was only about slavery.
00:23:54.000 It was about slavery.
00:23:56.000 Really?
00:23:57.000 Absolutely.
00:23:57.000 That's really what they taught us.
00:23:58.000 It was about trade and free gas.
00:23:59.000 It was 100%.
00:24:00.000 But then again, they also showed us a third trimester abortion in religion class.
00:24:05.000 Where they break the baby apart.
00:24:07.000 Where they break the baby apart.
00:24:09.000 And we're like fucking 15, 16. They show pussy and we go nuts.
00:24:15.000 We're like, yeah!
00:24:19.000 And then they started breaking a baby apart inside a woman and pulling it out.
00:24:25.000 And we were like, what the fuck?
00:24:27.000 Today you became a comic.
00:24:28.000 Oh my god.
00:24:29.000 I got my first 15 minutes.
00:24:33.000 There's a story.
00:24:34.000 I was in high school.
00:24:35.000 Give me a notebook.
00:24:36.000 Next thing you know.
00:24:37.000 I was saying to Tom, though, today...
00:24:40.000 That's so gross.
00:24:41.000 That's so atrocious.
00:24:42.000 I've never had an abortion.
00:24:43.000 Imagine showing that to a kid and thinking that's the right way to handle it.
00:24:47.000 Yeah.
00:24:48.000 Like, before their parents get to talk to them about it, like, you don't...
00:24:51.000 Like, do you have to sign a waiver?
00:24:53.000 You just traumatize the shit out of that.
00:24:54.000 Yeah, sign a waiver.
00:24:55.000 I gotta be honest with you.
00:24:56.000 I mean, I could call someone and find out exactly.
00:25:01.000 I want to say it was ninth grade, and I want to say they played it in English class.
00:25:06.000 I don't even think it was religion.
00:25:08.000 I think it was English.
00:25:09.000 That was a hungover teacher who was like, what am I allowed to...
00:25:11.000 I don't feel like it today.
00:25:12.000 What's on the list?
00:25:13.000 I want them to shut the fuck up.
00:25:14.000 There's also teachers that feel like they have to explain things to kids that the kids aren't learning from their parents.
00:25:20.000 And there's a good argument on both sides of that, right?
00:25:22.000 There's a good argument like, hey, I don't want you teaching my kids something that I don't want to teach them.
00:25:26.000 And then the other argument is, you know what, maybe it's the job of the educator to expose your kid to ideas that maybe they won't get at home.
00:25:33.000 Yeah, I don't want to teach them math.
00:25:34.000 But it's like, at what point in time does he cross that line?
00:25:37.000 It's a valid discussion.
00:25:38.000 Yeah, it's a valid discussion.
00:25:39.000 It came up recently a lot, and it made me really think of it when they're like, I don't want my kids learning that.
00:25:43.000 All that whatever stuff.
00:25:44.000 And it was like, oh yeah, I guess you should have the right.
00:25:47.000 You kind of should, but also maybe not.
00:25:50.000 You know, the problem is, like, exposing people to only one narrow band of ideas, that doesn't seem fair to a kid either.
00:25:57.000 So, like, I think the kid should be exposed to as many ideas as possible, but from rational discussions, not from, like, propagandizing and, like, trying to push one thing or another.
00:26:09.000 And that's the problem when people differ ideologically, when people are on the right or people are on the left, and people think this or they think that.
00:26:16.000 If you force something that they don't believe on a kid, it's like, whose job is that?
00:26:21.000 You can learn about taxation without representation at school, and you go home to like a Jewish family, you learn there's no taxation.
00:26:26.000 There's no taxation?
00:26:27.000 Is that a Jew joke?
00:26:29.000 Are you wearing an Ari Shafir Jew shirt to represent your new special that's being released today?
00:26:34.000 It's on YouTube.
00:26:35.000 Just go there right now.
00:26:36.000 Just click on it once.
00:26:37.000 You'll really like it.
00:26:38.000 We went to a high school for Georgia when Georgia was looking at high schools and seemed cool.
00:26:44.000 And then all of a sudden one of the mom raises her hand and she goes, Hey, is it true that you make the children of color stand on chairs and make the white children sit on the ground and they can yell at them?
00:27:02.000 No.
00:27:03.000 And the lady goes, yeah, that is true.
00:27:04.000 Wait, what?
00:27:05.000 And is it true you do it to the boys, the boys sit down and the girls can yell horrific things at them?
00:27:11.000 This is 100% true.
00:27:13.000 And so that's where that line gets blurry.
00:27:15.000 Yeah, that's a school in L.A. It's a school in L.A. They have the children of color stand on chairs and yell slurs at the white kids.
00:27:25.000 And so that's where that line gets blurry.
00:27:29.000 Right.
00:27:29.000 It's like, what wisdom is behind this decision?
00:27:33.000 What wisdom is behind this decision?
00:27:35.000 Like, why would you impose such a radical idea?
00:27:37.000 It's people running scared.
00:27:38.000 But it's not necessarily.
00:27:40.000 It's like, why do you think that you're so much smarter than everyone else that you could do that?
00:27:45.000 And that's going to equal equality.
00:27:47.000 That that's going to somehow equal equity.
00:27:49.000 That's going to somehow balance it out.
00:27:51.000 Do they have a tail at the end saying, this is why we're teaching this?
00:27:55.000 Even with a fucking tail at the end, you're introducing conflict.
00:27:59.000 When you should be exciting unity.
00:28:02.000 You know, you're supposed to be educating people, and you're making kids responsible for the sins of the past.
00:28:08.000 But also, I mean, like, I look back at that, watching that abortion, and I remember, I know for a fact, I won't say the guy's name, but I was really good friends with a guy, ended up in New York together.
00:28:21.000 And I said, that video really affected me.
00:28:23.000 It really affected me in a way that I know for a fact I would never get an abortion.
00:28:29.000 And my buddy was like, that's funny, I've had six.
00:28:34.000 It didn't bother me at all.
00:28:35.000 And I was like, really?
00:28:36.000 He's like, I've been a part of six abortions.
00:28:39.000 That video did not affect me in the slightest.
00:28:40.000 So I think it's one of those things.
00:28:42.000 You're going to put a white kid on the floor and have people of color yell at that white kid...
00:28:46.000 And he may see that as complete bullshit and it may affect the one white kid where it lands.
00:28:51.000 I don't know.
00:28:52.000 When we were leaving L.A., we had to check out schools because Ellis was getting ready to go into kindergarten.
00:29:00.000 And the kindergartens in this area were like, yeah, you know, he'll sign a racism pledge.
00:29:04.000 And I was like, what?
00:29:06.000 To be?
00:29:06.000 Like, yeah, hopefully.
00:29:08.000 They're like, you know, like, I'm anti-race.
00:29:10.000 And I was like, he's five.
00:29:12.000 And they're like, yeah, we have all that going.
00:29:14.000 He's pre-race.
00:29:14.000 I go, he doesn't, what are you talking about?
00:29:16.000 He's not even going to understand the concept of this shit.
00:29:17.000 He just figured out colors.
00:29:19.000 You're like, he doesn't know anything about this shit.
00:29:21.000 Now you want him to apply it to skin?
00:29:22.000 Yeah.
00:29:22.000 But it's also like, there's zero racism in your household.
00:29:27.000 There's zero in the household, and the concept is even too rich for a child.
00:29:32.000 Not only is this, it's like he's not going to be exposed to it from you.
00:29:38.000 The fact that you impose one blanket way of approaching any social issue to all kids, like that, and then you're the one who gets to decide?
00:29:47.000 It's kind of like Pledge of Allegiance.
00:29:48.000 A racism pledge?
00:29:49.000 I know.
00:29:50.000 I also can't wait for that phone call.
00:29:51.000 He was racist today and he signed the document.
00:29:54.000 If we're going to do that, we should have all offenses, aggression.
00:29:58.000 All kids express aggression.
00:30:00.000 They all say mean things to each other.
00:30:02.000 They're testing it out.
00:30:03.000 They don't even know what a pledge is.
00:30:05.000 Also, it's part of learning how to communicate.
00:30:08.000 It shouldn't be encouraged.
00:30:09.000 It certainly should be admonished when kids step out of line.
00:30:13.000 But that's how they learn how to talk to each other.
00:30:16.000 I'm not saying this about racism, because racism is 100% learned, but aggression is a real problem with kids.
00:30:22.000 That's true.
00:30:22.000 That's a giant problem with kids.
00:30:25.000 They bully each other.
00:30:26.000 Yes, they bully each other.
00:30:28.000 They don't understand consequences.
00:30:30.000 And that is a big factor in why so many people are unhappy in life.
00:30:35.000 There's so many people that I've met that got fucking bullied in high school.
00:30:39.000 So they were tortured.
00:30:40.000 They were tortured for years.
00:30:42.000 And that shit scars you.
00:30:45.000 Even people that become really ultimately successful.
00:30:48.000 And kids don't know they're doing it while they're doing it.
00:30:50.000 They're doing it because it's a natural fucking primate behavior.
00:30:54.000 They don't know how to regulate their emotions.
00:30:56.000 You see it when they're really small.
00:30:57.000 Because my boys fuck each other up and everybody and everything all the time.
00:31:01.000 I'm imagining.
00:31:02.000 You're just always kicking at each other.
00:31:04.000 Yes, they get frustrated, and then all of a sudden it's just like, bam, back of the head, and you're like, what are you doing?
00:31:08.000 You can't do that.
00:31:08.000 He's like, well, he took the thing out of my hand.
00:31:10.000 You're like, hey, you can't punch him in the back of the fucking head.
00:31:12.000 It's the limit.
00:31:13.000 You have to talk them through emotions.
00:31:16.000 What I'm saying is encouraging aggression in defense of racism, right?
00:31:22.000 So you're trying to stop racism.
00:31:25.000 To keep racism from happening, you're going to encourage people to be aggressive.
00:31:30.000 Encourage people to yell bad words and bad statements at people.
00:31:35.000 They just have to take it.
00:31:36.000 And they haven't done anything wrong?
00:31:38.000 Nothing.
00:31:39.000 That's nuts.
00:31:39.000 Can I just devil's advocate?
00:31:40.000 You've got to think these are trained educators.
00:31:42.000 So, I mean, they gotta have thought of this a little.
00:31:46.000 Bro, that's not in a book somewhere.
00:31:48.000 This is somebody going, I know better.
00:31:50.000 That's someone stepping way out of line and imposing their own radical leftist idea.
00:31:54.000 And then no one could go, hey, I don't want to do that, because then you're like a bigot.
00:31:58.000 Well, my freshman year of Florida State...
00:32:01.000 Which freshman year?
00:32:02.000 My first one.
00:32:04.000 My first one.
00:32:05.000 My first one.
00:32:06.000 That was a good one.
00:32:08.000 That was a good one.
00:32:09.000 Year one of seven.
00:32:11.000 They brought, I want to say, racial tension.
00:32:14.000 It was 91, so there was racial tensions going on in the country.
00:32:17.000 I can't remember.
00:32:18.000 Florida's so racist, dude.
00:32:20.000 But they brought the, and look, everyone's recollection is one thing.
00:32:25.000 This is 100% accurate.
00:32:26.000 Is that OJ? Right around OJ. Wait a minute, did you just say everyone's recollection is one thing, but this is 100% accurate?
00:32:31.000 Did you just really make that statement?
00:32:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:32:33.000 You fucking discredited your own statement before you said it.
00:32:36.000 They brought the black English class into the white English class.
00:32:42.000 Class.
00:32:43.000 Class.
00:32:44.000 Jesus, you're already drunk.
00:32:45.000 The white English.
00:32:46.000 I'm getting on my third.
00:32:48.000 And so they brought us in together, and they had us talk about our race relations.
00:32:54.000 And it was not the coolest, chill vibe.
00:33:01.000 All the white kids were like, oh, it's good to have you guys in here.
00:33:03.000 And all the black kids were like, these are our issues.
00:33:08.000 You guys get pens?
00:33:11.000 No, I mean, there was guys in there that were on the football team, and they were just like...
00:33:16.000 The one thing that stuck with me, I remember they were like, I can't believe you white kids just walk around this campus at night.
00:33:21.000 Just walk around and just walk.
00:33:23.000 And you're not worried about getting robbed or mugged.
00:33:25.000 What?
00:33:26.000 This is at FSU? At FSU. I remember I was with a chick and that's all we did, to go on walks at night.
00:33:31.000 And I was like, I don't want to see muggings anywhere.
00:33:34.000 And they saw muggings on campus?
00:33:36.000 Were they FAMU kids or FSU kids?
00:33:38.000 No, it was FSU. It was FSU. So there wasn't a big population of...
00:33:42.000 Because Florida State, or Tallahassee is a somewhat segregated town back when I was a kid.
00:33:47.000 Meaning FAMU is one college, which is all black, and then Florida State is another college, which was predominantly all white.
00:33:54.000 There was this one English class, and they brought us in.
00:33:58.000 And I remember one woman talking about slavery, and a girl said, I can't believe you guys are still talking about slavery.
00:34:07.000 And boom.
00:34:08.000 Oh, my God.
00:34:08.000 I'm talking.
00:34:09.000 I'm talking.
00:34:10.000 And by the way, they had us in a big circle.
00:34:12.000 They had us in a big circle.
00:34:14.000 There was a guy, I wish I could remember his name, he went to the pros.
00:34:17.000 Y'all bringing that up again?
00:34:19.000 And it was, it was.
00:34:23.000 And that was when I realized...
00:34:25.000 As a fan of hip-hop and as a guy who had black friends growing up, that not all black guys loved all white guys.
00:34:33.000 Did you think that before?
00:34:34.000 Yeah, I did.
00:34:35.000 I was naive.
00:34:37.000 I didn't think anything about it.
00:34:40.000 And I remember there was one dude who was defensive end, and I remember him staring at me.
00:34:46.000 And I thought, you ever have someone stare at you and you're like, hey, what's up?
00:34:51.000 And you were like, oh, they're staring at me like they want to fuck me up.
00:34:54.000 And he was not cool with me.
00:34:56.000 And I remember when everything blew up, he was like, if I see you, I'm fucking you up.
00:34:59.000 And I was terrified because we all lived in the same dorm.
00:35:02.000 We all lived in Sally Dorman Hall.
00:35:04.000 What was he mad at you for?
00:35:06.000 Just being me.
00:35:07.000 And you're definitely going to see me.
00:35:09.000 I have a very punchable face.
00:35:10.000 I do not agree.
00:35:12.000 I do not agree.
00:35:13.000 There's a lot of people that...
00:35:14.000 I could give you some much better examples.
00:35:17.000 Punchable faces?
00:35:18.000 Punchable faces.
00:35:19.000 A lot more punchable faces.
00:35:20.000 Ryan Bader from the New York Yankees.
00:35:22.000 You said Ryan Bader.
00:35:24.000 I was like, do you not punch that guy?
00:35:25.000 Just a fucking Bellator heavyweight champion.
00:35:27.000 Ryan Bader's a fucking beast.
00:35:30.000 That's a terrible name to say because someone will send him that clip.
00:35:34.000 All apologies, Ryan Bader.
00:35:35.000 You have my favorite line about somebody almost getting punched.
00:35:38.000 Which is, I won't give away.
00:35:40.000 Yeah, don't give that away.
00:35:41.000 But that somebody was mouthy to somebody you were with who's a fighter.
00:35:46.000 And somebody's talking shit to a UFC fighter that Joe's with.
00:35:51.000 And then Joe's like, look, man, I know you've made a lot of mistakes in your life, but you're about to make a critical one.
00:35:55.000 Because this fucking UFC, I mean, if you talk shit to somebody like that who gets upset.
00:35:59.000 Let me just tell you what it is.
00:36:00.000 It was Leon Edwards.
00:36:02.000 Wow.
00:36:03.000 Some guy was talking shit to Leon Edwards.
00:36:06.000 I said, you are making a critical mistake.
00:36:11.000 You don't have all the information.
00:36:12.000 Let me just step in right here.
00:36:14.000 First of all, you're out of line, and you're being a shithead to him for no fucking reason, and you're picking the wrong dude.
00:36:21.000 I'm like, that is one of the best fighters on planet Earth.
00:36:25.000 You know the Boss Ruten story?
00:36:27.000 The Boss Ruten story from Miami Dolphin?
00:36:30.000 Who was it?
00:36:32.000 Who, Boss?
00:36:33.000 Yeah, it was some Miami Dolphin defensive, like a pro bowler.
00:36:37.000 Yeah.
00:36:37.000 And Boss was there at a bar.
00:36:40.000 Boss stepped on his foot or something like that by accident.
00:36:43.000 Brian Urlacher.
00:36:44.000 Really?
00:36:45.000 Yeah.
00:36:45.000 Brian Urlacher?
00:36:46.000 And he goes, I'm so sorry, man.
00:36:47.000 You know how those UFC fighters are so nice?
00:36:49.000 Yeah.
00:36:49.000 Because they know their power.
00:36:50.000 They're just so super apologetic about everything and just kind people.
00:36:55.000 He goes, oh, my bad.
00:36:55.000 I'm really sorry.
00:36:56.000 I didn't mean to step on your foot.
00:36:57.000 He goes, yeah, well, watch it.
00:36:57.000 He goes...
00:36:58.000 Boss is like, sure, okay, my bad.
00:37:01.000 And he goes, yeah, it is your bad.
00:37:02.000 He goes, alright, dude, well, I apologize again.
00:37:04.000 He goes, yeah, maybe that's not enough.
00:37:06.000 And Boss is like, I don't know what else you want me to do.
00:37:09.000 I'm sorry I stepped on your foot.
00:37:11.000 And he goes, yeah, should we do something about it?
00:37:13.000 And Boss is like, what do you mean?
00:37:14.000 He goes, you want to step outside?
00:37:15.000 And Boss is like, I mean, if you want to, we can step outside.
00:37:19.000 I don't think you want to.
00:37:20.000 And he goes, let's do it right now, then.
00:37:21.000 And they start going outside, and everybody in the way who knew was going, no!
00:37:25.000 Brian, no!
00:37:26.000 No!
00:37:27.000 Brian Erdiger.
00:37:28.000 The guy with the new hair?
00:37:29.000 Imagine.
00:37:30.000 He was going to step outside with Boss Rootin'.
00:37:33.000 If you don't know who Bas Rutten is, Bas Rutten was heavyweight champion.
00:37:36.000 He's one of the only guys to ever win a heavyweight title striking off of his back.
00:37:42.000 Like when Kevin Rademan would take him down, Bas was fucking him up from his back.
00:37:47.000 Like that was one of those things where a lot of people disagree with the decision.
00:37:50.000 No random one was on top.
00:37:51.000 No, but Boss was blasting him with elbows and punches from his back.
00:37:55.000 That open hand shit he would do to your core.
00:37:57.000 Dude, that was in Pancrace.
00:37:58.000 In Pancrace.
00:37:59.000 Open hand palm strikes.
00:38:00.000 He fucked people up with that.
00:38:01.000 He also beat Chiyoshi Kosaka when TK was in his prime.
00:38:05.000 Like, Boss Rutten was a fucking monster.
00:38:08.000 The truth.
00:38:08.000 A monster.
00:38:08.000 And I could see, too, how a guy like Erlacher, you know, you're like an all pro.
00:38:12.000 Boss is not that tall.
00:38:13.000 Yeah, you're like, it's such a mistake.
00:38:15.000 It'd be a really bad mistake.
00:38:17.000 He's so violent.
00:38:17.000 He's so violent.
00:38:19.000 He was one of the very first guys that, like, was a high-level striker that entered into any sort of mixed competition.
00:38:26.000 Like, there was a few guys.
00:38:27.000 There was Orlando Veet, who was in the early UFCs.
00:38:30.000 But Orlando, who was, like, a wicked Muay Thai fighter, he was small.
00:38:34.000 He was, like, 180 pounds.
00:38:37.000 So, like, to get someone who's, like, a really high-level guy that's, like...
00:38:42.000 Like a high-level striker that enters into MMA competition and he was just blasting people with kicks.
00:38:49.000 Fucking people's legs up.
00:38:51.000 He was fucking people up, man.
00:38:53.000 He was like an intelligent animal was the way I would describe him.
00:38:57.000 Because he was so aggressive.
00:38:59.000 Boss was so aggressive.
00:39:01.000 He had that like Holland style with like vicious power and he was just waylaying people.
00:39:07.000 Like, for that guy to do that to Boss Root and to ask him to go outside with him would have been one of the most horrendous disasters.
00:39:12.000 You just want to see it, though.
00:39:13.000 Yeah, I know.
00:39:14.000 If somebody had video footage of that, it would have ruined that dude's life.
00:39:17.000 Well, like, a more amateur version of it was that thing caught on video where that football player, I think it was in Oklahoma somewhere, is in that bathroom.
00:39:25.000 Oh, yeah.
00:39:25.000 You know?
00:39:26.000 Him and a guy who clearly, you see the ears on this dude.
00:39:29.000 Oh, that's the sign.
00:39:30.000 They didn't know back then.
00:39:31.000 Wait, you haven't seen this video?
00:39:32.000 Uh-oh.
00:39:33.000 Oh, dude.
00:39:33.000 Oh, you've seen it.
00:39:34.000 You haven't seen it.
00:39:35.000 You've seen it.
00:39:35.000 What is it?
00:39:36.000 Yeah.
00:39:36.000 What is it?
00:39:37.000 We played it?
00:39:39.000 Yeah, you played it.
00:39:40.000 Which one is it?
00:39:41.000 I want to see it so bad.
00:39:42.000 It's in a bathroom.
00:39:43.000 What happened?
00:39:44.000 It's an OU football player, and what happens is it...
00:39:49.000 No, it's there.
00:39:50.000 Oh, it's there?
00:39:50.000 Yeah.
00:39:51.000 You see it right here.
00:39:52.000 And they're talking shit.
00:39:53.000 That's the football player on the left.
00:39:55.000 Oh, I have seen this.
00:39:56.000 Yeah, I remember this.
00:39:57.000 This is the guy who clearly trains.
00:39:58.000 I thought it was Ben Astro.
00:40:00.000 Get out of here!
00:40:05.000 Oh yeah, I remember this.
00:40:07.000 He takes him down, dumps him on the ground.
00:40:10.000 He ripped his bicep.
00:40:12.000 He ripped his bicep doing that?
00:40:14.000 Yeah, he tore his bicep.
00:40:15.000 He tore his own bicep?
00:40:16.000 Yeah, because he's so big.
00:40:19.000 But meanwhile, look, he's got his back and he's punched him in the face.
00:40:22.000 Yeah, and then he gets him into a choke.
00:40:24.000 Look at this guy.
00:40:25.000 Protect the drink.
00:40:26.000 Yep, and he chokes and he's like, oh my god, that's incredible.
00:40:30.000 The dude's trying to punch him.
00:40:32.000 Those punches don't have power.
00:40:33.000 He's trying to punch him.
00:40:37.000 Now he's got him in like a half-assed Americana.
00:40:40.000 And that's his buddy?
00:40:41.000 Yeah.
00:40:41.000 They're brothers.
00:40:42.000 He's still on top of him.
00:40:44.000 Oh my God.
00:40:45.000 Yeah.
00:40:46.000 And the urine.
00:40:47.000 Oh, he stuck his head.
00:40:48.000 Because he got bullied.
00:40:48.000 It's just so righteous.
00:40:50.000 It's so righteous.
00:40:51.000 They're beating the fuck out of him.
00:40:52.000 Yeah, man.
00:40:52.000 Don't start fights if you don't know how to fight, man.
00:40:55.000 Don't do that.
00:40:56.000 It's big guy energy.
00:40:57.000 And I've seen it so much in my life.
00:40:59.000 Especially going to school like a school like Florida State, where a guy's just 6'3", and he decides, I have never had to worry about anyone.
00:41:05.000 He's Jiu-jitsu, it changed the fucking bully game.
00:41:07.000 You have to fear everyone.
00:41:09.000 Do you see that comment too where he goes like, he like licks the blood off his hands?
00:41:14.000 Yeah.
00:41:15.000 What about the hotel room?
00:41:16.000 The hotel hallway?
00:41:17.000 That's my favorite story ever.
00:41:18.000 Oh, the Tate story?
00:41:19.000 That's my favorite story ever.
00:41:20.000 That guy was such a fucking idiot.
00:41:21.000 Don't worry, he's been practicing.
00:41:22.000 He's gonna do one and then chug him out.
00:41:24.000 Yeah, so we're at this Hard Rock Hotel, and it's Tate, me, and Eddie Bravo.
00:41:32.000 And there's this really big dude.
00:41:34.000 And this really big dude is in the hallway, and he's like 6'6", big fucking athlete.
00:41:41.000 Obviously, everyone's scared of him.
00:41:43.000 And Tate's a big guy himself.
00:41:45.000 Tate fought on the Ultimate Fighter.
00:41:47.000 Tate's a legit Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt.
00:41:49.000 So Tate's trying to get into his room, and his key's not working.
00:41:52.000 Something's wrong.
00:41:53.000 I forget what it was.
00:41:54.000 No, Tate went inside.
00:41:55.000 That's right.
00:41:56.000 Your rooms are connecting.
00:41:57.000 Our rooms are connected.
00:41:58.000 So Tate goes to the room, and then the guy is trying to use his key on Tate's door.
00:42:04.000 And he's saying, you're in my fucking room.
00:42:06.000 And Tate's like, nah, man, I'm pretty sure it's my room.
00:42:08.000 Look, key works.
00:42:09.000 Calm.
00:42:10.000 Tate's sober at the time.
00:42:12.000 Yeah, Tate's totally sober.
00:42:13.000 It's always sober.
00:42:13.000 And the guy's like...
00:42:14.000 No, fuck you, man.
00:42:15.000 You're in my room.
00:42:16.000 Kate's like, I don't know what to tell you.
00:42:17.000 This is my room.
00:42:18.000 See ya.
00:42:18.000 Bye.
00:42:19.000 And he shuts the door.
00:42:19.000 And so our rooms are connected.
00:42:21.000 We have the door open.
00:42:22.000 And this guy's pounding on the door.
00:42:25.000 Like fuck and so we all three of us go out in the hallway with Tate So it's me and Eddie Bravo and Tate and this big fucking guy and his two dopey friends and his two dopey friends don't know what to do and this guy's gigantic and In he says something like I'll fuck you up and this now I go dude I go you're making a fucking tremendous mistake here And we just step back,
00:42:48.000 and then he tries to get out of it.
00:42:50.000 And then Eddie's like, man, you said you were going to do something.
00:42:53.000 Fucking do something.
00:42:55.000 Eddie literally causes the guy to come back out.
00:42:59.000 So this dumb guy comes back out, and he literally steps to Tate like he's going to take a swing at him.
00:43:04.000 Tate grabs him, pulls guard, puts him in an omoplata.
00:43:08.000 Security guard shows up.
00:43:10.000 The security is like, hey, stop, stop, stop.
00:43:12.000 And he goes, are you Joe Rogan?
00:43:13.000 I go, yeah, what's up?
00:43:14.000 How you doing, man?
00:43:14.000 I go, don't worry.
00:43:16.000 I go, he's not going to hurt him.
00:43:18.000 I go, he's just going to strangle him unconscious and put him to sleep.
00:43:21.000 And so Tate goes, well, now I guess I have to put him to sleep.
00:43:25.000 So Tate transitions from an omoplata to a rear naked choke with the omoplata.
00:43:30.000 So an omoplata is a shoulder lock and it's a shoulder lock where your arm is like really high up behind your back and the guy's legs are wrapped around it.
00:43:37.000 So Tate is wrapped around it like this and he has access to the guy's neck.
00:43:40.000 So he just grabs his neck and he puts him to sleep.
00:43:43.000 Puts him to sleep out cold.
00:43:44.000 The dude goes out.
00:43:46.000 His friends pick him up.
00:43:47.000 They drag him into an elevator and he just disappears from life.
00:43:53.000 Just gone.
00:43:54.000 Yeah, that's not like the best version of an omoplata.
00:43:57.000 It's the best to see it.
00:43:59.000 You can see it right there, but from what that position, like Tate has his legs crossed, like he's got a lot of weight on him, and then he just strangles his neck.
00:44:07.000 So Tate leans forward from there.
00:44:09.000 So with the omoplata still in?
00:44:10.000 Yes, with the omoplata still in.
00:44:12.000 He let go of the omoplata to put him to sleep.
00:44:14.000 Tate was in Colorado at my Red Rock show, and we're hanging out partying late one night.
00:44:19.000 Tate's sober, obviously.
00:44:20.000 And I said, Tate, can you tell that story?
00:44:24.000 So Leanne's there.
00:44:25.000 Everyone's around me.
00:44:25.000 He starts telling the story.
00:44:26.000 And he goes, you know, I listened to you tell it on Joe, and there's some parts that are very interesting that you're not leaving into the story.
00:44:31.000 I said, what?
00:44:33.000 He says, I was practicing on my transition from omoplata to rear naked choke.
00:44:38.000 And so I was like, oh, I've been working on this.
00:44:41.000 It should be fun to work on a guy that has never done one.
00:44:44.000 He used to tackle something.
00:44:46.000 So he's like, oh, cool, I got it!
00:44:47.000 Dude, to see Tate pull, he was like, I can't tackle this guy because there's a plate glass window behind him.
00:44:52.000 He goes, we're in this elevator lobby area.
00:44:55.000 He goes, I'm just going to pull guard.
00:44:57.000 Like, he just fucking pulled guard.
00:44:58.000 He just got on his back and cinched at him?
00:44:59.000 So he just grabbed the guy and pulled him on top of him.
00:45:03.000 Oh.
00:45:03.000 And then immediately laced his leg over his arm and had this guy face forward, fucked on the carpet.
00:45:08.000 At what point does guy go from, I got him, to, wait, what's he doing?
00:45:12.000 Well, Tate never hurt him.
00:45:13.000 He never hurt him.
00:45:14.000 He never punched him.
00:45:15.000 He didn't beat him up.
00:45:16.000 He didn't do anything to him.
00:45:17.000 He just put him to sleep.
00:45:19.000 And then they woke him up.
00:45:21.000 Because all it does is, like, shut off your...
00:45:22.000 It's like pinching a garden hose.
00:45:24.000 Yeah.
00:45:24.000 Cuts off the water.
00:45:25.000 Brain goes out.
00:45:27.000 Let it go.
00:45:27.000 The guy's like, what the fuck?
00:45:28.000 His friends just put him in the elevator.
00:45:30.000 Took him out.
00:45:31.000 And they apologized.
00:45:32.000 They're like, sorry, my friend's an asshole.
00:45:33.000 I go, sorry, brother.
00:45:34.000 Have a nice day.
00:45:35.000 Tate was the king to it at the old bomb squad.
00:45:37.000 If somebody went too hard during training and they're threatening to injure people, just like, hey, dude, we're just rolling here.
00:45:42.000 We're just learning.
00:45:43.000 Yeah, bring in the giant.
00:45:45.000 Eddie would go, hey, Tate, roll with this guy now.
00:45:46.000 And he'd look at him for an extended second.
00:45:48.000 Tate was loud and clear.
00:45:50.000 Tate is the guy they hire to be the scariest guy in the fucking movie.
00:45:53.000 Yeah.
00:45:54.000 When they're like, yo, we need to get to the point where we think that, not Wesley Snipes, who's, look at Tate.
00:46:03.000 Bro, there's a scene, he's in John Wick.
00:46:06.000 He's in John Wick.
00:46:07.000 He's in that wild scene in the disco.
00:46:10.000 Yeah, he gets killed.
00:46:10.000 But he's in that wild scene in the disco where all the Russian killers are coming after John Wick and he's got to take them all out.
00:46:16.000 He's about to get stabbed right there.
00:46:18.000 He fights Denzel Washington in the, whatchamacallit, and he's the guy where they go, clearly this is the guy that's going to kill the guy.
00:46:25.000 And he ends up dying.
00:46:27.000 Isn't it hilarious Hollywood where Denzel Washington can beat up Tate Fletcher?
00:46:31.000 It's hilarious.
00:46:32.000 It's funny that my daughters met Tate.
00:46:34.000 Tate's girlfriend, Lacey, is my trainer.
00:46:37.000 And so she's a part of our family.
00:46:39.000 And my daughters love Lacey.
00:46:42.000 And Tate comes over and introduces himself, and my daughters are mesmerized.
00:46:47.000 They're like, what the fuck is this?
00:46:52.000 That's our boy.
00:46:54.000 He's a good man.
00:46:55.000 He was also the king, while we were in the road, the king of just grabbing me in the lobby of a hotel near couches and stuff.
00:47:02.000 I'm like, dude, this is not even a mat!
00:47:03.000 There's odd shapes here.
00:47:06.000 It's underspoken how much Like, the work Tate does in movies as a fight guy.
00:47:13.000 We just saw the one with Denzel on the bus the other night.
00:47:17.000 How much work goes into that?
00:47:19.000 Because it's...
00:47:21.000 Next up, it's the reason I had to get surgery.
00:47:24.000 You can't just show up in a movie and be like, I'm a fight guy.
00:47:27.000 You need to know what the fuck you're doing.
00:47:29.000 Because else you have to do extended stuff to look like you're fighting.
00:47:31.000 That's Keith Jardine, too, it looked like.
00:47:33.000 Yeah.
00:47:33.000 Was it Keith in this too?
00:47:35.000 They're a lot of the same stuff.
00:47:37.000 Look at this.
00:47:38.000 It's Tate.
00:47:39.000 Tate gets killed by John Wick.
00:47:41.000 That movie was so brutal.
00:47:44.000 That was what got me through our Sober October competition.
00:47:48.000 I watched John Wick 50 times in a row once.
00:47:51.000 The day I did like seven hours with an elliptical machine.
00:47:56.000 Stallone just came out and said that one of his big regrets, he's like, don't do your own stunts.
00:48:01.000 He regulated it tremendously.
00:48:03.000 He broke his neck.
00:48:05.000 Stallone has his neck fused from the Expendables.
00:48:07.000 He was doing the Expendables when he's like fucking 60. Nobody gives a shit if you do your own stunts.
00:48:15.000 It's about to be a 22 year.
00:48:19.000 Can I tell you that to this day Anthony Bourdain asked for a beer once on the first show we did and I didn't realize that that's what he was asked for because in the middle of talking to him and I regret it.
00:48:27.000 What do you mean?
00:48:28.000 I realized it later.
00:48:29.000 It bothers me that much.
00:48:30.000 Wait, what do you mean?
00:48:30.000 He's like looking at his beer.
00:48:31.000 His beer was empty and I didn't get him another beer.
00:48:33.000 Oh, fuck.
00:48:36.000 Still bothers me.
00:48:38.000 Isn't that weird?
00:48:39.000 Yeah, I know.
00:48:40.000 Weird shit like that?
00:48:41.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:48:41.000 Sticks with you forever.
00:48:42.000 Like, I should have got a beer, but I was in the middle of talking, and I was like, is that what he wants?
00:48:45.000 Oh, man, he didn't want a beer.
00:48:46.000 He's just like, what do I do now?
00:48:48.000 I was too high.
00:48:50.000 That was back in the day when we were doing the volcano.
00:48:54.000 Volcano days.
00:48:55.000 I don't recommend that.
00:48:55.000 I don't recommend that.
00:48:56.000 Like, I did so many podcasts where I was obliterated.
00:48:59.000 I mean obliterated.
00:49:00.000 I was like next door neighbor.
00:49:01.000 I don't even know how you do that.
00:49:03.000 It was beautiful.
00:49:04.000 Your podcast was beautiful when you felt like you were yelling into a cave.
00:49:07.000 Yeah, no one was listening.
00:49:08.000 No one was listening.
00:49:09.000 In your old living room?
00:49:10.000 Yeah.
00:49:11.000 Did it in the living room.
00:49:12.000 Did it in your office.
00:49:14.000 Yeah, it was my office.
00:49:15.000 It became my kids' family room.
00:49:16.000 We did it on a laptop screen.
00:49:18.000 We had to put people on the floor, one of the people on the couch so we could all get in the screen together.
00:49:22.000 You keep telling me.
00:49:23.000 Sit up.
00:49:23.000 Sit up, Tommy.
00:49:25.000 Tommy was always like, what the fuck is he doing?
00:49:27.000 I thought he was out of his fucking head.
00:49:28.000 Why is he engaging in this stupid fucking TV? I thought it was the same thing as a flotation.
00:49:33.000 But I remember when you started realizing it was a big deal.
00:49:36.000 I remember you saying, you stopped me and Red Band from speaking, and you go, guys, remember, people are listening to this.
00:49:45.000 And I remember going like, oh, we should put some thought into what we say, as opposed to just...
00:49:51.000 Talking.
00:49:52.000 Just having fun.
00:49:53.000 Talking shit.
00:49:54.000 Yeah, you don't even care if what you're saying is good.
00:49:57.000 You're just trying to find something to say.
00:50:00.000 You don't know what the fuck you're doing.
00:50:02.000 No one's listening, and you just started this.
00:50:04.000 This is how we all started.
00:50:06.000 It's pretty wild, but I fucking knew I was supposed to keep doing it.
00:50:10.000 Why?
00:50:11.000 But why?
00:50:12.000 Because I felt like I could get better at it.
00:50:14.000 You also liked it.
00:50:15.000 It was fun to do.
00:50:16.000 It was fun in a green room to, like, just throw the thing on.
00:50:18.000 Let's talk to people.
00:50:19.000 Also, because Anthony Cumia had set up Live from the Compound.
00:50:24.000 So he had a green screen in his basement with like a full camera setup and microphone setup and they'd switch cameras and like he had a real professional setup.
00:50:33.000 I was like, oh, that's possible.
00:50:35.000 You could put the city behind you, you could put whatever the fuck you want behind you.
00:50:39.000 And so...
00:50:40.000 Damn!
00:50:41.000 Look at Redband!
00:50:44.000 Look at Redband!
00:50:45.000 Look at Redband!
00:50:46.000 That's cute Redband!
00:50:47.000 Find out what year that is.
00:50:48.000 I'm at Ari's hair loss right now.
00:50:50.000 That's 2009?
00:50:51.000 That's number three.
00:50:52.000 That's in that surgery out of my eyes.
00:50:54.000 Yeah, we didn't know what the fuck we were doing back there.
00:50:56.000 What's that sign behind you?
00:50:58.000 That's from the man show.
00:50:59.000 Oh my god.
00:51:00.000 Alright.
00:51:02.000 Brian shoved that tomahawk pipe up his ass and we gotta get it out.
00:51:05.000 So we got our tomahawk pipe that we were gonna order last week.
00:51:08.000 You said a peace pipe.
00:51:10.000 What is a peace pipe?
00:51:11.000 It's a fucking battle axe.
00:51:13.000 Peace or war?
00:51:14.000 Your choice, bitch.
00:51:16.000 Peace or war?
00:51:17.000 So stupid!
00:51:18.000 We were just being stupid.
00:51:20.000 It was so good, though.
00:51:21.000 We were all barbecued.
00:51:23.000 We were like, look at Ari's body posture.
00:51:26.000 He's way too high right now.
00:51:28.000 I'm so high.
00:51:29.000 That's Ari when he's too high.
00:51:30.000 This is the body posture.
00:51:33.000 How about the one when...
00:51:34.000 You're not even moving.
00:51:35.000 How about the one when you smoked salvia on a podcast and had a four-month life?
00:51:39.000 On Tripoli's podcast.
00:51:41.000 On Tripoli's podcast.
00:51:42.000 Tell that story.
00:51:43.000 It's the most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen in my life.
00:51:45.000 It's one of the craziest videos you can watch.
00:51:46.000 Yeah, they made Red Band and Tripoli's, Tripoli's podcast.
00:51:49.000 They were like, do salvia.
00:51:50.000 So I took a big hit, and they were like, that's not big enough.
00:51:52.000 And I was on the brink of disappearing.
00:51:55.000 And then I took a way bigger hit, and I was just gone.
00:51:59.000 Completely gone.
00:52:00.000 I was living under the sea.
00:52:04.000 For, I think, around six months.
00:52:06.000 What?
00:52:07.000 Yeah.
00:52:07.000 I made friends.
00:52:08.000 I had a girlfriend or wife.
00:52:09.000 I'm not sure.
00:52:10.000 I had a life down there.
00:52:12.000 A life in about eight minutes.
00:52:15.000 Really?
00:52:16.000 And then I started coming back.
00:52:18.000 And then they're all like, hey, so you fine?
00:52:20.000 You ready to talk?
00:52:20.000 And it was like, no.
00:52:22.000 And then I couldn't breathe the air.
00:52:24.000 Somebody gave me some water.
00:52:25.000 This is for breathing, not drinking.
00:52:28.000 The coming back was so difficult.
00:52:30.000 So you, wait a minute, you felt like you were under the sea, not even in a compound?
00:52:35.000 Breathing, breathing, water.
00:52:37.000 I forgot that part.
00:52:39.000 So you lived for months down there?
00:52:40.000 Months and months.
00:52:41.000 I saw this.
00:52:42.000 I became part of their society.
00:52:44.000 This doesn't look fun.
00:52:45.000 When you went there the first time, do you remember?
00:52:48.000 Oh my god.
00:52:49.000 Were you always there?
00:52:51.000 You had always been there.
00:52:53.000 This is like who I am now.
00:52:54.000 That looks terrible.
00:52:55.000 This is the reason I've never tried salvia.
00:52:57.000 It looks worse than it is.
00:52:59.000 No, no, no.
00:53:00.000 It does not look worse than it is.
00:53:02.000 Dude, it was an amazing time.
00:53:04.000 What if consciousness and what if your soul, whatever the fuck that is, really does travel through different dimensions and you can really access them and have that.
00:53:11.000 This is like coming back from space where you're like, oh, I don't know how to use my legs.
00:53:14.000 It was two minutes out of six months.
00:53:16.000 Jesus Christ.
00:53:17.000 I was trying to grab me.
00:53:18.000 I'm like, don't contain me.
00:53:19.000 So you came back after six months.
00:53:22.000 What did you think?
00:53:23.000 Did you think, oh my god, I did salvia and I'm living under the water?
00:53:25.000 I thought I was swimming up to the shore.
00:53:27.000 I was swimming up and then I was like, on the shore, I'm like, who's that guy Sam Tripoli on the shore?
00:53:32.000 Who's that guy on the land?
00:53:34.000 Do you remember entering into that world, though, under the sea?
00:53:37.000 Do you remember that at all?
00:53:38.000 No, I was just there.
00:53:39.000 You were just always there?
00:53:40.000 I guess in the first, like, ten seconds, maybe I did, but then I was just like...
00:53:44.000 Imagine if that's what...
00:53:48.000 Imagine if that's what tripping is.
00:53:50.000 Imagine if that really is what tripping is.
00:53:52.000 You're really accessing alternative lives.
00:53:54.000 It doesn't look great.
00:53:55.000 I would love it if that was what it was.
00:53:57.000 Imagine if your life is going on simultaneously all over the universe.
00:54:01.000 Your life, but in different forms.
00:54:03.000 When they try to give me water, I just spit it up immediately.
00:54:05.000 Jesus, man.
00:54:09.000 Yeah.
00:54:09.000 Wild.
00:54:10.000 Like a Tripoli.
00:54:11.000 Tripoli's the tip of the spear.
00:54:13.000 Tripoli's the most valuable warrior of 2022. Yeah, for real.
00:54:17.000 Most valuable comedy warrior.
00:54:19.000 Joey tried to give me a star of death, you know, one time, and I was like, fuck no.
00:54:24.000 No way.
00:54:25.000 And he cut a corner off, and I was like, uh-uh.
00:54:28.000 And then he cut that down, and I was like, fine.
00:54:31.000 Yeah.
00:54:31.000 I've never been more out of my mind.
00:54:34.000 Oh, those gummies, man.
00:54:35.000 He got us the same from that.
00:54:36.000 I've never been crazier.
00:54:36.000 I used to have that joke about it.
00:54:38.000 Remember when the guy was like, I go, how much did I eat?
00:54:40.000 He's like, just a leg.
00:54:41.000 Just a leg.
00:54:42.000 Los Gumis Hermanos.
00:54:44.000 Yes.
00:54:44.000 Los Gumis Hermanos.
00:54:45.000 It was shaped like a joker.
00:54:46.000 It was shaped to bring kids in.
00:54:47.000 I didn't know where I was during his podcast.
00:54:50.000 Oh my God.
00:54:50.000 I mean, he was taught.
00:54:51.000 And then he's, the thing that broke me out of it was he does ad reads.
00:54:55.000 But not like you're supposed to.
00:54:58.000 He's like, fucking ship station.
00:55:00.000 You gotta ship your shit out.
00:55:01.000 If you're a goddamn American, you need a ship station.
00:55:03.000 I go, you're allowed to do that?
00:55:05.000 He's like, do what?
00:55:05.000 I'm like, you're fucking cursing during all the ad rates?
00:55:08.000 He's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
00:55:09.000 Stampsfucking.com.
00:55:11.000 He's like, cursing during all of them?
00:55:12.000 I was like, what?
00:55:13.000 Joey Diaz, I remember we found out Dan Murr passed away on the podcast.
00:55:19.000 And Joey goes...
00:55:22.000 Joey Abraham.
00:55:23.000 You gotta say who that is first.
00:55:25.000 He owned a comedy club.
00:55:27.000 He was a crazy drug addict tyrant.
00:55:30.000 But we just found out he died.
00:55:31.000 Well, you said he was a tyrant because he didn't want you on stage that one time.
00:55:34.000 It was me and you?
00:55:35.000 And he goes, God damn it.
00:55:38.000 Life's short.
00:55:40.000 That guy was a piece of shit.
00:55:41.000 God bless him.
00:55:42.000 God bless him.
00:55:43.000 God bless him.
00:55:44.000 A real garbage motherfucker.
00:55:46.000 God bless his soul.
00:55:48.000 Yeah, he's gone.
00:55:49.000 He's gone.
00:55:50.000 He goes, you know, he's a real creepy guy.
00:55:52.000 He's a real creepy guy.
00:55:54.000 Rest in peace.
00:55:54.000 Rest in peace.
00:55:56.000 Wherever you are, I'm sure it's not a good place.
00:55:58.000 Yeah, this is it.
00:56:01.000 He wouldn't give you a check.
00:56:02.000 He'd be like, where are you guys going out tonight?
00:56:03.000 I'll give it to you there.
00:56:04.000 He fucking did a lot of creepy things.
00:56:08.000 Rest in peace.
00:56:12.000 He's laughing.
00:56:12.000 Got to be a tiger.
00:56:14.000 Rest in peace.
00:56:19.000 He thinks it wasn't good.
00:56:21.000 Rest in peace.
00:56:22.000 Yeah, he's a creepy fuck.
00:56:23.000 Poor guy.
00:56:26.000 He said that at the memorial service all night.
00:56:29.000 Oh my god.
00:56:34.000 All those coke guys though, guys who love coke, like that world, Joey was in that world.
00:56:40.000 He wouldn't give you his check.
00:56:42.000 He'd say, I'll give you a check tonight.
00:56:44.000 Where are you going?
00:56:44.000 And Joey's like, give me my fucking check now.
00:56:46.000 And he goes, no, no, I'll meet you out later.
00:56:48.000 Tell me where you guys are hanging out tonight.
00:56:49.000 Who, Dan?
00:56:50.000 Yeah, he wanted to be part of the party.
00:56:52.000 He wanted to come hang out with us.
00:56:53.000 That was the, like, I don't mean to be sappy.
00:56:57.000 But that was probably my favorite time of being a professional comedian.
00:57:01.000 What?
00:57:01.000 Is becoming friends with you guys and having Joey in my life.
00:57:04.000 And then Joey was like my neighbor.
00:57:06.000 So he was a part of my life.
00:57:07.000 He'd show up to Easter.
00:57:09.000 He'd show up to every event we had.
00:57:10.000 I remember when he slipped my dad marijuana.
00:57:13.000 And my dad's eating popcorn.
00:57:16.000 And my dad's like, I go, Dad, don't eat that.
00:57:19.000 And he's like, and Joey's like, I remember Joey.
00:57:21.000 We should tell him they had weed popcorn.
00:57:23.000 They eat popcorn, yeah.
00:57:24.000 Which is so evil because it gives you the munchies and something to munch on.
00:57:27.000 It's Easter morning.
00:57:29.000 It's like 10 in the morning.
00:57:30.000 The girls are hunting eggs.
00:57:32.000 And Joey goes, Mr. K, want to see the devil's dick today?
00:57:36.000 And my dad's like, well, sure, Joey.
00:57:40.000 And so they start feeding him popcorn.
00:57:42.000 And I go, Dad, what are you doing?
00:57:44.000 And he goes, oh, Joey's got this popcorn.
00:57:46.000 It's delicious, bud.
00:57:47.000 You should try some.
00:57:48.000 And Joey's going, ha-ha!
00:57:51.000 So he didn't tell your dad at all?
00:57:52.000 Did not tell my dad and my dad...
00:57:54.000 That seems to run in your family.
00:57:56.000 Us getting drugged?
00:57:57.000 Yes.
00:57:59.000 Maybe you're asking for it.
00:58:01.000 My dad went in hard into weed after that.
00:58:05.000 Wow, he converted him.
00:58:07.000 Turned him into a weed head.
00:58:09.000 He never smoked, he eats edibles.
00:58:12.000 To this day he eats edibles.
00:58:14.000 So much so it ruined.
00:58:15.000 I paid $6,000 each for us to play at Pebble Beach, and my dad ate so many edibles he couldn't stand by the water.
00:58:21.000 No.
00:58:22.000 It ruined it!
00:58:23.000 No.
00:58:23.000 God damn it!
00:58:24.000 He's probably worried about alligators, rightly so.
00:58:27.000 God damn, man.
00:58:29.000 But yeah, Joey, that was the greatest.
00:58:31.000 In my favorite time in living.
00:58:33.000 It's so fun.
00:58:33.000 You ever have something that's nagging at you until someone mentions it?
00:58:36.000 And then you're like, oh yeah, I've been thinking about that, but I couldn't put my place on it.
00:58:39.000 He gave me an edible, a 25 milligram edible, and then I ate it and it's fine.
00:58:42.000 And then there's something nagging at me.
00:58:44.000 And then eventually someone was like, how are you enjoying that 25 milligram edible?
00:58:48.000 And the way he said it was like, and I look back and the 25 was crooked and I'm like, what?
00:58:52.000 And I just peel it off and it says 250. And I'm like, what?
00:58:57.000 That's so much.
00:58:59.000 That's so much.
00:58:59.000 That's so much.
00:59:00.000 200 is so much.
00:59:02.000 There's very few people that know that energy.
00:59:04.000 Of what?
00:59:05.000 How's that feeling?
00:59:06.000 How's that feeling?
00:59:07.000 Yeah.
00:59:07.000 I know that with you.
00:59:09.000 Intimately.
00:59:09.000 I remember.
00:59:10.000 And that's what kind of shoved us off of Sober October was that thing.
00:59:14.000 Full apologies.
00:59:14.000 It's so tough to explain to people why I love you.
00:59:20.000 It is.
00:59:21.000 It is.
00:59:22.000 Oh my god.
00:59:23.000 It is.
00:59:23.000 You're the sweetest guy that I know.
00:59:27.000 You're the most thoughtful, sensitive, insightful, funniest guy I know.
00:59:31.000 You're one of my favorite human beings alive.
00:59:34.000 And I have to stand next to you drugging me every time to defend you.
00:59:40.000 Every time.
00:59:41.000 I like surprises.
00:59:43.000 How great was it though?
00:59:45.000 No, no, my favorite was we went to Mark Norman's bachelor party and you pulled me aside privately and Ari looked me in the eyes and he goes, I need you to know I never drug you again.
00:59:52.000 And I went, I know that.
00:59:53.000 Because I need you to have a good time at Mark's.
00:59:55.000 I just drink anything you want.
00:59:57.000 But how great was that when we were all fucked up on Molly, the sun setting in your old place, the place Comedy Bot, and Diaz is telling his stories.
01:00:04.000 Joey Diaz shows up.
01:00:04.000 Let me tell you something.
01:00:06.000 Celebrate Joey Diaz for the rest of my life.
01:00:07.000 I love that guy.
01:00:08.000 I call him.
01:00:10.000 I'm in a legit panic attack.
01:00:12.000 I call him, and I go, Joey, Ari just mollied me.
01:00:16.000 And he goes, the words out of his mouth, dog, I'll be there at five.
01:00:22.000 Shows up, takes the other half of whatever Molly already has, he eats it, and he sits bathing in the sunlight of a setting sun in my backyard telling me, cocksucker, you ain't gonna die.
01:00:36.000 We're not dying tonight, okay?
01:00:38.000 Let me tell you some stories.
01:00:39.000 And he told us stories, and we sat there mesmerized, and it was like watching God speak because the sun's bathing around him.
01:00:47.000 I'm high as fucking shit.
01:00:49.000 And I'm just looking at Ari going like, it's going to be okay.
01:00:52.000 It's going to be okay.
01:00:53.000 I'm a ride or die for that motherfucker.
01:00:57.000 That moment when he goes, dog, I'll be there at five.
01:00:59.000 And he showed up.
01:01:00.000 You know how Joey is with time.
01:01:02.000 He showed up in five.
01:01:03.000 And he had to walk through the house knowing what the house didn't know yet.
01:01:06.000 Yeah, he walked through and Leanne goes, Joey, what are you doing?
01:01:07.000 And he goes, I can't talk to you, Mrs. K. I'll be back in ten.
01:01:10.000 And then he came in and he goes, Leanne, everyone's a good guy out there.
01:01:14.000 Don't fucking kill anybody.
01:01:16.000 Sorry, Liam.
01:01:18.000 God, man.
01:01:18.000 She didn't know yet?
01:01:19.000 No.
01:01:20.000 I had to pull her into the bathroom and I had to say, what I'm going to tell you is going to upset you, but I need you to take care of me and not you right now.
01:01:27.000 And she goes, what is it?
01:01:29.000 And I said, Ari slipped me Molly.
01:01:31.000 She shuts down and I watch her.
01:01:33.000 Are you sober by then?
01:01:34.000 No.
01:01:36.000 You're full blown.
01:01:37.000 Gone.
01:01:38.000 I am out of it.
01:01:38.000 He's probably sober six hours later.
01:01:40.000 Yeah, on the plane I was blowing up.
01:01:43.000 And I watch her fucking go white.
01:01:48.000 And she goes, where is he?
01:01:49.000 And I go, we had told Ari to leave early.
01:01:52.000 We're like, leave before we tell Liam.
01:01:55.000 You weren't high enough to not get me out of there.
01:01:56.000 So I said, he's gone, he's gone, he's not here.
01:01:58.000 And she goes, okay.
01:02:00.000 Okay.
01:02:01.000 What do I need to do for you?
01:02:02.000 And I said, I don't want to be in front of the girls.
01:02:05.000 I'm really fucked up.
01:02:07.000 She goes, go to the comedy store.
01:02:10.000 Your plane leaves at 11. Go to the comedy store right now.
01:02:14.000 Hang out with some comics.
01:02:15.000 Laugh.
01:02:16.000 Have a good time.
01:02:17.000 You're going to be fine.
01:02:17.000 You're not going to die.
01:02:19.000 Get on the plane.
01:02:20.000 No rules.
01:02:21.000 Drink.
01:02:22.000 Do whatever you got to do to get yourself there.
01:02:23.000 So I went to the store.
01:02:24.000 The first person I saw was David Spade.
01:02:26.000 Don't say a word.
01:02:26.000 Okay.
01:02:27.000 My inner whore showed up.
01:02:29.000 You know this.
01:02:29.000 You know this.
01:02:30.000 You know this.
01:02:32.000 You know this.
01:02:32.000 I'm a big fan of David Spade.
01:02:34.000 I love David Spade.
01:02:35.000 And I know I'm not dying now.
01:02:38.000 And I tell David Spade, he's like, hey, Bert.
01:02:41.000 And I go, someone's like, what's going on?
01:02:45.000 And I was like, Ari just slipped me Molly.
01:02:46.000 And the room shifts.
01:02:47.000 They're like, what the fuck?
01:02:48.000 And literally Ari Shaffir walks in and he goes, anyone want a cocktail?
01:02:51.000 And everyone's like, not from you!
01:02:54.000 It was one of the most surreal, it was the shittiest Sober October I've ever had, because my favorite part is us texting, but it was a surreal fucking experience that you don't get to have.
01:03:08.000 Normal people don't get that.
01:03:09.000 It is hard to defend you, because I do love you.
01:03:18.000 It's a crazy thing being a comic because you go, you know, when people get in trouble, like I remember Joe got in trouble and I posted a thing and then you're like, fuck, you realize people are going to shoot shit your way.
01:03:31.000 But then you get weird people, like I know I told you this, my dad, when you're going through some shit, my dad's like, buddy, I respect a man who stands by his friends.
01:03:40.000 And I go, that's what you've got to be.
01:03:41.000 At the end of the day, you stand by your friends.
01:03:43.000 That's the only thing that you respect out of a Man.
01:03:47.000 Does that sound weird?
01:03:48.000 No, that's a big part of it.
01:03:50.000 Yeah.
01:03:50.000 It's a big part of being a man.
01:03:52.000 Not everyone loves you, man.
01:03:53.000 A lot of people are out to fuck you.
01:03:55.000 Well, a lot of people only think about themselves and they pretend to be caring about other people.
01:03:59.000 It's a real problem.
01:04:00.000 It's not good for you either.
01:04:02.000 It's not good for that person.
01:04:03.000 I'm sorry.
01:04:03.000 I won't do that again.
01:04:04.000 I love you, Ari.
01:04:05.000 I love you too, buddy.
01:04:06.000 I want your special to kill it.
01:04:07.000 Thanks, dude.
01:04:08.000 You're one of the funniest dudes I know.
01:04:09.000 I'm in a weird emotional place right now.
01:04:11.000 You're drinking.
01:04:12.000 Sounds like you just drank what I gave you.
01:04:13.000 You might be an alcoholic.
01:04:19.000 Let's watch my trailer.
01:04:21.000 Oh!
01:04:22.000 You got a trailer out for the special?
01:04:23.000 No, it's my movie.
01:04:24.000 You want to see my teaser?
01:04:25.000 The machine?
01:04:26.000 The machine?
01:04:27.000 That movie that we're not supposed to talk about?
01:04:29.000 We're just waiting for them to be you, Craig?
01:04:31.000 This is not your trailer.
01:04:31.000 This is your teaser.
01:04:32.000 This is my teaser.
01:04:33.000 And I'm not technically allowed to show this.
01:04:36.000 So what's happening?
01:04:36.000 Am I in trouble?
01:04:37.000 No, you won't be in trouble.
01:04:38.000 But if we air this...
01:04:39.000 Hold on, don't...
01:04:40.000 Hold on a second.
01:04:41.000 If we air this, am I giving up some intellectual property?
01:04:45.000 That is not legal for me to be disseminated to millions of people.
01:04:50.000 No, you're fine.
01:04:50.000 I'm a producer.
01:04:52.000 You're on it.
01:04:52.000 I'm getting sued.
01:04:53.000 I just heard that.
01:04:54.000 I just saw lawyers in front of me going, these are your options.
01:04:57.000 No, I got this teaser a while back.
01:05:01.000 Why don't you do this on your fucking podcast?
01:05:03.000 I was a good fucking...
01:05:05.000 Oh, I thought maybe get the views.
01:05:07.000 No, I got this teaser a couple weeks ago.
01:05:11.000 This is just you.
01:05:12.000 This is just for you?
01:05:13.000 Is this like password protected?
01:05:15.000 It was sent on Vimeo.
01:05:16.000 No, is this not Vimeo?
01:05:18.000 No, no.
01:05:19.000 It wasn't password protected.
01:05:20.000 No.
01:05:21.000 So this is just available online?
01:05:22.000 Anybody could watch this?
01:05:23.000 No.
01:05:24.000 So what the fuck are we doing?
01:05:25.000 You gotta give explicit permission.
01:05:27.000 So...
01:05:27.000 I hear it.
01:05:29.000 I think you do, right?
01:05:29.000 Don't you?
01:05:30.000 What?
01:05:30.000 You probably do have to get permission.
01:05:32.000 No, I'm saying he has to say the words to give you plausible deniability.
01:05:34.000 Yeah, I don't think he can at this point.
01:05:35.000 I think I've backed us into a corner.
01:05:37.000 No, I can.
01:05:38.000 This is, you're dealing with, like, movies.
01:05:40.000 Like, it'd be nice if they had control over whether or not they're a fucking teaser guy.
01:05:46.000 Here's the deal.
01:05:46.000 Yeah.
01:05:47.000 They would be for it.
01:05:49.000 No.
01:05:50.000 Maybe.
01:05:50.000 I think so.
01:05:51.000 I think they're going to be cool.
01:05:52.000 I think they're going to be cool.
01:05:53.000 I don't like that.
01:05:54.000 That's not the way to fucking get it out.
01:05:56.000 You're not a lawyer.
01:05:57.000 You're the last thing from a lawyer.
01:05:59.000 Wait, you asked.
01:06:00.000 I texted.
01:06:01.000 I showed Jamie the text.
01:06:03.000 I texted last night.
01:06:04.000 I said, hypothetically, what happened?
01:06:05.000 What the fuck does that mean?
01:06:07.000 Okay, this is how it started.
01:06:08.000 Tom and I are doing a movie.
01:06:10.000 By the way, I'm not allowed to talk about that.
01:06:11.000 Tom and I are doing a movie.
01:06:13.000 That's what I heard.
01:06:13.000 With Legendary.
01:06:14.000 I heard you're not allowed to talk about it, but you're doing a movie with Legendary.
01:06:16.000 Yeah.
01:06:18.000 And you were there, and I said, I'm gonna buy us a billboard and say, hey, Mary, thanks for the green light.
01:06:23.000 Fat astronauts.
01:06:27.000 And everyone, as a joke, was like, that would be fucking hilarious.
01:06:29.000 You should do that.
01:06:30.000 As a joke, everyone's like, you should do that.
01:06:32.000 So then they sent me this teaser.
01:06:34.000 And the second I got it, I went, I was sober, right?
01:06:37.000 And I'm like, the day I go on Rogan, I'm playing on Rogan.
01:06:41.000 I don't give a fuck what anyone says.
01:06:42.000 Because all I know is that when I talked about getting a billboard for me and Tom on Sunset, everyone giggled.
01:06:47.000 So that energy is right.
01:06:49.000 That's their energy.
01:06:50.000 Right, the giggling energy.
01:06:52.000 Right.
01:06:52.000 You like the outlaw.
01:06:54.000 You like not to be untethered to the responsibility.
01:06:57.000 Who, me?
01:06:57.000 No, no, no.
01:06:58.000 The average industry folk, they go, oh, shit, he did it, and it worked, right?
01:07:03.000 So I go, I said...
01:07:04.000 You've lost me.
01:07:05.000 You're like Joe Biden right now in the middle of a stump speech.
01:07:08.000 It's like, it's where you find fun.
01:07:10.000 Here's the real question that he wants to know.
01:07:12.000 Are we allowed to play?
01:07:13.000 Can he play this on his show?
01:07:15.000 Yes or no?
01:07:16.000 Yes.
01:07:16.000 You brought it in.
01:07:17.000 You're liable.
01:07:18.000 How are we sure that this is okay to play?
01:07:22.000 Is this the property of a studio?
01:07:24.000 It is.
01:07:25.000 It 100% is.
01:07:26.000 What the fuck are you doing?
01:07:27.000 You can't do that.
01:07:27.000 No, I can't.
01:07:28.000 Get Jimmy Stoney on the phone.
01:07:29.000 I can.
01:07:30.000 You can, but this is Jamie Preston and he works for me if it plays on here.
01:07:35.000 Am I wrong?
01:07:36.000 No, I think it's fine.
01:07:37.000 I don't know for sure.
01:07:39.000 I know that he asked the person in charge of this company.
01:07:42.000 I sent a text.
01:07:43.000 I sent a text.
01:07:45.000 What time is it in Egypt?
01:07:47.000 He's doing what he's supposed to do?
01:07:49.000 What time is it in Egypt?
01:07:50.000 They're all in Jordan right now.
01:07:51.000 What time is it in Egypt?
01:07:52.000 They're doing like Dune 4. Oh my god.
01:07:54.000 I'm calling Egypt.
01:07:56.000 I'm almost certain we'll be fine.
01:07:59.000 That is a foreign ring.
01:08:01.000 Isn't it weird he'd get a different ring?
01:08:03.000 Yeah.
01:08:03.000 I like that ring.
01:08:04.000 Can I get that ring?
01:08:05.000 That's a nice ring.
01:08:05.000 I want that ring for every day when people call me.
01:08:07.000 That would be cool.
01:08:08.000 I feel important.
01:08:08.000 Our ring's so digital.
01:08:10.000 Our ring does suck.
01:08:11.000 Yeah, our ring sucks.
01:08:12.000 Come on, America.
01:08:13.000 Step it up.
01:08:13.000 Step up the ring.
01:08:14.000 By the way, I take no answer as a yes.
01:08:16.000 Okay.
01:08:19.000 We're good.
01:08:19.000 We're good.
01:08:20.000 We're good.
01:08:20.000 We're good.
01:08:21.000 We're good.
01:08:22.000 Hey, gentlemen.
01:08:23.000 Gentlemen.
01:08:24.000 Ignore all of it.
01:08:26.000 This is my teaser for my movie.
01:08:27.000 I'm very proud of it.
01:08:28.000 I hope you enjoy it.
01:08:30.000 If there's a huge problem, I'll hit you up.
01:08:32.000 We'll take it out.
01:08:32.000 Shot in Slovenia.
01:08:33.000 I think you're going to like it.
01:08:34.000 If there's a huge problem, you're going to be fine.
01:08:36.000 We'll know in a few hours.
01:08:37.000 You'll pay for all the legal fees, right?
01:08:39.000 I texted everyone.
01:08:40.000 Pay for all the legal fees?
01:08:41.000 Yeah, I already checked.
01:08:42.000 I'm not going to own $30 million.
01:08:45.000 We're promoting a film.
01:08:47.000 What's the deal with this film?
01:08:48.000 It's not allowed to be released?
01:08:49.000 And how come?
01:08:50.000 It's happening right now.
01:08:51.000 But how come the movie's not coming out yet?
01:08:53.000 Because Russia hasn't finished Ukraine off yet.
01:08:57.000 That's exactly the lead-in I'm looking for.
01:09:00.000 The marketing budget.
01:09:04.000 Folks, you didn't think I was going to keep this from you, did you?
01:09:11.000 For those listening, it's your trailer.
01:09:13.000 It says, the following restricted preview has been approved for appropriate audiences.
01:09:18.000 This is an appropriate audience.
01:09:21.000 My father was no criminal.
01:09:25.000 He was a salesman.
01:09:29.000 Then you stole the only thing he ever cared about.
01:09:33.000 Sorry.
01:09:35.000 Sorry.
01:09:38.000 It made him say, fuck honest living.
01:09:44.000 If you want respect, you have to take it.
01:09:53.000 And from there, he built our family.
01:09:59.000 Oh my god.
01:10:02.000 I'm your origin story.
01:10:22.000 You just put it in your pocket?
01:10:24.000 I don't know where to put it.
01:10:30.000 That's a great fucking trailer.
01:10:32.000 That's so funny.
01:10:33.000 Holy shit, that's a great trailer.
01:10:34.000 That looks so badass and then ridiculous.
01:10:36.000 You know what I think?
01:10:37.000 I don't think people are going to have a problem with that.
01:10:38.000 This is why.
01:10:39.000 There's a lot of Russian fighters that come over to the UFC and fight and they have zero problem.
01:10:44.000 Thank you, Rory.
01:10:45.000 That's really funny.
01:10:46.000 A lot of Russian fighters come over here.
01:10:48.000 In the beginning, they're like, boom, and they realize, ah, he's fucking pretty good.
01:10:52.000 I want to watch this guy fight.
01:10:53.000 And people cheer when they do well.
01:10:55.000 Nobody gets shit about Ukraine and Russia anymore.
01:10:57.000 They do, but that's not the point.
01:10:59.000 We recognize in America that individual Russian citizens are not the problem.
01:11:05.000 And when they come over here, even though we're booing the concept of what Russia's doing, we're not booing them.
01:11:09.000 It's safe for them.
01:11:10.000 Whereas Brittany Griner's in a fucking jail cell in Russia right now because they used her as an example.
01:11:16.000 Sure.
01:11:16.000 For sure, right?
01:11:17.000 100%.
01:11:18.000 100%.
01:11:19.000 I say, look, my whole thing is moving forward.
01:11:22.000 Moving forward.
01:11:23.000 Play that fucking movie.
01:11:24.000 Why don't they release that movie?
01:11:25.000 It looks amazing.
01:11:26.000 They're about to, right?
01:11:26.000 I want to see it.
01:11:27.000 It's really good, man.
01:11:29.000 I'm really proud of it.
01:11:30.000 When I got that trailer, that teaser.
01:11:32.000 That is such a funny beat.
01:11:33.000 That's a great one.
01:11:34.000 Why'd you put it in your pocket?
01:11:35.000 You're like, I don't know where to put it.
01:11:37.000 That's really funny.
01:11:38.000 You know me enough to know that that's the best part of this fucking movie is that it's just fun.
01:11:44.000 I remember I was listening to you the day before filming and you said and you can find out who it was based on when we started filming and you said no one goes hard as fuck on comedies anymore.
01:11:56.000 No one's making real comedies and I sat up in bed and In Serbia, and I went, I'm going hard as fuck.
01:12:02.000 And I rewrote the fucking opening scene to this movie.
01:12:05.000 I went through and I rewrote some stuff, ran it by Peter Atencio.
01:12:10.000 He's like, well, shoot it.
01:12:11.000 Let's fucking shoot it.
01:12:11.000 Let's cover it.
01:12:12.000 And scenes like that were just me going like, just our sensibility of why we laugh, why not put it in a fucking movie?
01:12:19.000 Why not make a movie?
01:12:20.000 Yeah, right.
01:12:21.000 It can be done.
01:12:22.000 There's the same reason why there's an audience for our kind of comedy.
01:12:27.000 The same reason why, you know, Shane Gillis is killing it right now.
01:12:31.000 People want the same thing they've always wanted.
01:12:34.000 People want it.
01:12:35.000 They want wild shit.
01:12:36.000 And they get almost none of it now.
01:12:37.000 They don't want to pretend that this has to represent your feelings on the way things should be in the real world, whether or not the world is equitable, whether or not people have gotten a bad...
01:12:46.000 Of course!
01:12:47.000 That's not what this is.
01:12:48.000 This is a fucking comedy.
01:12:50.000 It's just supposed to be funny.
01:12:51.000 Dude, can we have a comedian screening in New York?
01:12:54.000 Yeah.
01:12:54.000 Oh, listen.
01:12:56.000 I texted all the whole group today because I was like, I'm leaking on Joe's podcast.
01:13:01.000 I don't care.
01:13:02.000 It's just my energy.
01:13:04.000 It feels right.
01:13:05.000 Yeah.
01:13:05.000 It feels right.
01:13:06.000 I like the teaser.
01:13:07.000 My friends are going to like the teaser.
01:13:08.000 The fans are going to like the teaser.
01:13:10.000 It's fucking hilarious.
01:13:10.000 Let's release the fucking movie.
01:13:12.000 And everyone's energy was positive.
01:13:15.000 Even the people that were on the fence that were just hands up like...
01:13:18.000 I'm good.
01:13:19.000 I'm good.
01:13:20.000 You won't get sued for $30 million.
01:13:21.000 Is it advantageous for you to release it as a streamer or in theaters?
01:13:26.000 Personally, I'm old school.
01:13:27.000 I'm old school.
01:13:29.000 I want to go to theaters.
01:13:30.000 It's a better joyous experience to be in a theater with a bunch of people.
01:13:33.000 Comedies especially.
01:13:33.000 Yeah, comedies especially.
01:13:35.000 Laughing with people.
01:13:35.000 We watched it in the theaters for the screeners, and when you fucking see people...
01:13:40.000 The whole place blows up.
01:13:41.000 Especially that scene.
01:13:44.000 People are crying.
01:13:46.000 I remember, because it's been a while, but I remember going to opening night of the first Borat, and it was packed.
01:13:52.000 And that experience was so fun.
01:13:55.000 It was so fun.
01:13:56.000 People were dying in that theater.
01:13:58.000 The first Borat was so good.
01:14:00.000 Goddamn, man.
01:14:01.000 Goddamn, that was good.
01:14:02.000 But it was about being in a packed theater.
01:14:04.000 That week of a comedy is the best.
01:14:07.000 And here's where movies...
01:14:09.000 Look, I won't shit on anyone who made any movie.
01:14:12.000 Once you make a movie, you realize how hard it is.
01:14:13.000 But the thing people sometimes forget is that comedy is about not expecting the thing you're about to see.
01:14:23.000 Yeah, surprise.
01:14:23.000 And it's about surprise and having people take chances.
01:14:27.000 When we shot that first day of shooting, we shot...
01:14:30.000 And look, once again, I apologize to everyone, but like, Mary Josh, who were back in L.A., wrote back, you couldn't go harder.
01:14:39.000 Like, go harder.
01:14:41.000 And that energy to make a comedy these days is where you have to be.
01:14:45.000 You've got to say shit.
01:14:46.000 You've got to go as hard as you want to go to make a comedy.
01:14:48.000 Think about all the ones we love.
01:14:50.000 Tropic Thunder.
01:14:51.000 That's all we do.
01:14:51.000 What went harder than Tropic Thunder?
01:14:53.000 Thank you, Joe.
01:14:54.000 But even before that, Billy Madison.
01:14:55.000 That's the movie.
01:14:56.000 Happy Gilmore.
01:14:57.000 I can't wait till you see Fat Astronauts, Joe.
01:15:00.000 We're so over the top.
01:15:02.000 Did you like Tropic Thunder?
01:15:04.000 Loved it.
01:15:04.000 He's our fucking writer.
01:15:05.000 Good.
01:15:06.000 Perfect.
01:15:08.000 Shout out to E-Town.
01:15:09.000 E-Town, what's up?
01:15:10.000 No, it's true.
01:15:12.000 And all the ones, like the Farrelly's, something about marrying.
01:15:16.000 When they brought us with kale, we were in Serbia, right?
01:15:19.000 We're in Serbia.
01:15:20.000 And I know that there's a lot of people that will be upset over Legendary when I share all this.
01:15:23.000 But we're in Serbia.
01:15:24.000 We're trying to close a deal to do fat astronauts, right?
01:15:28.000 And we're talking, we're going back and forth, and then Kale, my guy, you met him at the Four Seasons we had cigars together.
01:15:35.000 Kale's the guy from Legendary.
01:15:36.000 Kale comes over and he goes, hey, enough of the back and forth.
01:15:39.000 I say we just, duh.
01:15:41.000 You like Tropic Thunder?
01:15:42.000 I go, one of my favorite movies ever in my entire life.
01:15:45.000 He goes, we can get Etan Cohen.
01:15:46.000 You cool?
01:15:47.000 And I went, yeah.
01:15:48.000 And he goes, close the deal with Tommy.
01:15:49.000 Let's close the deal.
01:15:50.000 Let's get Etan.
01:15:51.000 Let's just do this fucking movie hard.
01:15:52.000 And I was like, done.
01:15:54.000 Done.
01:15:56.000 And we've been working with Etan now on this movie, Fat Astronauts, for a while now.
01:16:01.000 But it's like the whole thing.
01:16:02.000 And I would never give away any plots we're working on.
01:16:05.000 But the thing is, is like...
01:16:07.000 Go fucking hard.
01:16:08.000 It's the shit that makes us laugh.
01:16:10.000 There's not a lot of people that do it.
01:16:12.000 That's why it stands out.
01:16:13.000 But they did it forever.
01:16:14.000 And then everybody just backed off.
01:16:16.000 The studios got scared.
01:16:17.000 They got scared of making big comedies.
01:16:19.000 Well, they got scared of the...
01:16:20.000 The social media aspect, the thing that social media's done, is it's giving everybody a voice.
01:16:26.000 But they don't care about it.
01:16:27.000 They're weighing on shit they don't care about.
01:16:28.000 But the problem is, it could be a small number of people.
01:16:33.000 That most people disagree with, but they get enough momentum.
01:16:36.000 People decide that if you don't support the things that they support, you're a piece of shit.
01:16:41.000 And you're worried about that reprisal, it gets dangerous.
01:16:44.000 In the old days, we all dealt with this, there was like, oh, you're dirty?
01:16:48.000 What do you have to be dirty?
01:16:49.000 And so then it was about taste.
01:16:51.000 And then they became, well, if you don't do what we do, you're morally bereft.
01:16:57.000 Instead of just like, you're not the style we like.
01:16:59.000 There's so many notes that was given about that.
01:17:01.000 Really?
01:17:01.000 Oh my god.
01:17:02.000 People would go, you know, you'd do a lot better if you weren't so dirty up there.
01:17:06.000 Dude, that was my whole fucking, the beginning of my career.
01:17:08.000 My manager wanted me to be clean.
01:17:10.000 Same thing, man.
01:17:11.000 I had managers tell me, club owners, club owners.
01:17:13.000 Did you ever tell a story of how my manager changed his opinion?
01:17:16.000 No.
01:17:17.000 Hilarious.
01:17:18.000 So, I did mostly, like, shitty dives in Boston.
01:17:21.000 It was hard for me to get booked in the city because I was dirty.
01:17:24.000 Yeah, in Boston?
01:17:26.000 Yes!
01:17:26.000 But they would give me, like, open mic sets.
01:17:29.000 They'd give me guest spots.
01:17:30.000 They were trying to groom me, right?
01:17:31.000 It was a very good system, right?
01:17:33.000 It was a system that was fucked up because it was acting on a faulty premise.
01:17:38.000 And that premise was you had to be clean in order to have a real career.
01:17:40.000 Because you had to get a Tonight Show.
01:17:42.000 Yeah, because you had to do the Tonight Show and you wanted to get a sitcom.
01:17:45.000 It wasn't artistically the right way to operate, but they were operating on, honestly, a sound business model.
01:17:51.000 This is what works.
01:17:52.000 Yes, because if you could be that guy who became Jerry Seinfeld or Roseanne Barr, if you could get your sitcom, you are the fucking king of the world.
01:17:59.000 And that's what everybody wanted, right?
01:18:01.000 So they had this system that was set up like you just had to be clean in order to get up in clubs.
01:18:06.000 I got lucky.
01:18:08.000 When I went to do a guest spot, I was driving limos, and I called up Bill, who was the guy who was the owner of the club, and I said, hey, could I get...
01:18:18.000 I think we called him, or I might have called the guy who was the manager, but I said, can I get 10 minutes?
01:18:22.000 I have a new bit I just wrote today that I want to see if it works.
01:18:26.000 I'm really excited about it.
01:18:28.000 He goes, yeah, for sure.
01:18:29.000 So he gives me a spot.
01:18:30.000 And I had no idea anybody was there.
01:18:32.000 And my manager was there.
01:18:34.000 We wound up being my manager.
01:18:35.000 He was in the back of the room.
01:18:37.000 I had no idea.
01:18:38.000 So you weren't working with him yet?
01:18:39.000 Not yet.
01:18:40.000 Okay.
01:18:40.000 Kill.
01:18:41.000 Kill.
01:18:42.000 So loose.
01:18:43.000 So relaxed.
01:18:44.000 Have a great set.
01:18:45.000 I'm only three years in a comedy.
01:18:46.000 I'm terrible.
01:18:46.000 But every now and then I have a good set.
01:18:48.000 So I had this great set.
01:18:50.000 And then he takes me to New York.
01:18:51.000 I do Catch a Rising Star.
01:18:52.000 I do all these different places he wants to see me at.
01:18:54.000 And then he takes me to Fast Eddie's.
01:18:56.000 It was a bar in Huntington, Long Island.
01:18:58.000 It was a fucking dive.
01:19:00.000 There's a dude on stage named Eddie Gallo.
01:19:02.000 And he was doing a reverse shit with a banana.
01:19:05.000 So he takes a banana and sucks it into his mouth the opposite way.
01:19:08.000 So the point comes out.
01:19:11.000 He starts it with the point.
01:19:12.000 It's terrible.
01:19:14.000 But it's hilarious.
01:19:15.000 It's bar comedy.
01:19:17.000 So my manager says, listen, I'm going to get you out of this.
01:19:19.000 You don't have to do this.
01:19:19.000 I go, no, [...
01:19:21.000 I go, these are my people.
01:19:23.000 I go, just sit down.
01:19:25.000 I go, let me do a set here.
01:19:27.000 Let me do a set here.
01:19:28.000 And I go, I'm just blowjob jokes and doggy style and people sucking your dick while they're looking you in the eye.
01:19:35.000 The windows to the soul.
01:19:36.000 It's like crazy wild bar sex comedy.
01:19:40.000 And then he goes, okay.
01:19:42.000 Forget everything I said.
01:19:43.000 No more clean.
01:19:44.000 He goes, you gotta go off.
01:19:45.000 Just go for it.
01:19:46.000 It's gonna be a harder road, but just gotta be you.
01:19:48.000 Like that, what I saw right there, that's you loose and free.
01:19:52.000 And I crushed in this terrible bar.
01:19:54.000 But it was like, for me, it was like, this is what I've been doing.
01:19:57.000 Thank God he didn't have too much of an ego to not say that.
01:20:00.000 Because there's a ton of guys who have been like, listen man, I know that works, but you've got to stop doing it.
01:20:03.000 You've got to stop.
01:20:04.000 There were a lot of people that did say that, though.
01:20:06.000 Of course.
01:20:06.000 There's a lot of people that said that.
01:20:08.000 Back in those days, they were right, though.
01:20:10.000 If you looked at it from a utilitarian point of view, they didn't know the internet was going to be a thing.
01:20:16.000 They didn't know that you could actually make a career completely detached.
01:20:20.000 You've got big pre-internet, though.
01:20:21.000 You know what's funny is like...
01:20:23.000 If killing you, you can't deny it.
01:20:24.000 Anybody can call themselves a manager.
01:20:27.000 And I was working in post-production.
01:20:28.000 I was the lead logger on a post-reality show.
01:20:32.000 So they send you the raw footage and you gotta type.
01:20:34.000 So I'm in charge of the department.
01:20:36.000 And one of the loggers is a comedy manager.
01:20:41.000 And that's how crazy it is.
01:20:43.000 And one day she comes up to me and she was like, Hey, I watched your set and I just wanted to say, you know, you're funny, but you're just too dirty and you're really not going to get work if you don't clean it up.
01:20:56.000 And I go, you know, I really appreciate you giving me your insight on that.
01:21:01.000 Why don't you go log some tapes now?
01:21:05.000 Anyone can be a manager.
01:21:06.000 Anybody can.
01:21:07.000 You just say, I am this.
01:21:07.000 I have a client.
01:21:08.000 To this day.
01:21:09.000 Anyone can get anywhere in this business.
01:21:12.000 To this day.
01:21:12.000 I've had those managers that are just like, I'm a manager.
01:21:15.000 Yeah.
01:21:15.000 You didn't know until later.
01:21:16.000 You're like, I guess they know everything about the business.
01:21:18.000 There's real ones out there, but they're hard to find.
01:21:21.000 And it's like the same thing I say about club owners.
01:21:23.000 Like I always tell people, you got to be nice to these folks because you don't want to do that job.
01:21:27.000 It's not a job for you.
01:21:28.000 It's like a job for them.
01:21:30.000 Like, you shouldn't be adversarial.
01:21:31.000 Because in the beginning it is because, like, why don't you fucking book me and you don't fucking...
01:21:35.000 But eventually they do, then hopefully you work it out, right?
01:21:39.000 That's the same thing with managers.
01:21:41.000 You know, like, some managers are really good.
01:21:44.000 There's a handful that are really good.
01:21:45.000 They're really good.
01:21:46.000 Some managers are fucking, they're just jumping in.
01:21:48.000 I think most are not.
01:21:50.000 Most are the latter.
01:21:51.000 I think most are not that great.
01:21:52.000 Some people are really good at being a club owner.
01:21:54.000 They're just like, I don't know, this is the way things are done.
01:21:56.000 It's really who can make shit happen, and that's why it's not a lot.
01:21:59.000 My agent did this.
01:22:01.000 The yuck yucks in Canada wouldn't have me on because I was dirty.
01:22:04.000 Right.
01:22:04.000 And so Ed Brook was like, hey, we can't have, they won't book you.
01:22:08.000 And he goes, nah, I'm not going to accept that.
01:22:10.000 How about we bill you as the dirtiest comic that's ever been in Canada?
01:22:14.000 Pfft!
01:22:14.000 And I'm like, I'm not that dirty.
01:22:16.000 He goes, who gives a shit?
01:22:17.000 We'll just get you in.
01:22:18.000 Right.
01:22:19.000 And then you'll draw, and they'll be fine.
01:22:22.000 Yeah, that's the thing.
01:22:22.000 As long as it's funny.
01:22:24.000 And that's what it is.
01:22:25.000 It got me, and he broke down the doors, and it's like, it's fine.
01:22:27.000 When you look at the dirty show, I don't know, is it Montreal?
01:22:30.000 Montreal, the nasty show.
01:22:31.000 They do the nasty show, and it's just comics.
01:22:33.000 Yeah.
01:22:34.000 You know when I got that show?
01:22:35.000 It's their big show.
01:22:37.000 I was opening for Joe Rogan, popular podcast host.
01:22:42.000 Wait, hold on.
01:22:43.000 Is this one that was recorded?
01:22:44.000 I remember watching that with Isla in bed.
01:22:47.000 Where you pulled your dick out?
01:22:48.000 No.
01:22:49.000 That was Jim Norton's show.
01:22:50.000 Similar story.
01:22:51.000 Yeah.
01:22:52.000 So we're doing a club soda.
01:22:55.000 We're doing a winter show.
01:22:56.000 Club soda.
01:22:56.000 I haven't heard that in a while.
01:22:58.000 And Joe's on stage and some lady's too drunk.
01:23:00.000 She's like, whatever.
01:23:02.000 And Joe's like, whatever.
01:23:03.000 He's like, just making fun of her.
01:23:05.000 And she's like, want me to show my tits?
01:23:07.000 And he goes, will you?
01:23:08.000 And she goes, I don't know.
01:23:10.000 He goes, if you show your tits, Ariel will take his dick out.
01:23:11.000 And I'm in the back in the green room just smoking with the skunk guys.
01:23:17.000 I run Skunk Magazine and I heard him say that.
01:23:19.000 I was like, I gotta go.
01:23:22.000 And I'm needed.
01:23:24.000 My talents are needed.
01:23:26.000 And I went out there and I was like, what's going on?
01:23:28.000 And you're like, this lady will take her tits out of your show.
01:23:30.000 And my dick was already out.
01:23:31.000 And then it was just like, I got a call the next week from Montreal.
01:23:35.000 I was like, we'd like you to do the nasty show next year.
01:23:37.000 You nailed your audition.
01:23:38.000 Yeah, I didn't have to audition.
01:23:40.000 Pulling the cock out was a key moment in your career.
01:23:42.000 You were so comfortable with that always.
01:23:44.000 Dick out.
01:23:45.000 Is it in Jew?
01:23:46.000 Does Jew have a dick appearance?
01:23:48.000 Jew has no dick appearance.
01:23:49.000 It would have been cool to have one with the latest jackass where it has a yarmulke on it.
01:23:57.000 You don't realize it's a dick until too late.
01:23:58.000 We used to put, late night at the store, we used to put my glasses, my thick glasses, I put them on my balls so it looked like my Jew nose sticking out.
01:24:06.000 We'd talk on the mic with the balls.
01:24:11.000 What percentage of America do you think has our sense of humor?
01:24:16.000 80?
01:24:16.000 No.
01:24:17.000 No, that's not.
01:24:18.000 I think 10, and that's what's yelling you guys fucking massive theaters.
01:24:22.000 Get them drunk, we got 80%.
01:24:24.000 Drunk it does change.
01:24:25.000 Drunk it changes.
01:24:26.000 20% of people you're never going to get.
01:24:28.000 Most people don't understand real comedy.
01:24:30.000 Well, they don't understand fun.
01:24:31.000 It's such a massive number of the 5 or 10%.
01:24:34.000 It's not that they don't understand it.
01:24:36.000 Some people's humor, though, really is completely different.
01:24:39.000 I mean, you ever hang out with a person who's a good person?
01:24:43.000 You like them, they're nice, and you see what they laugh at, and you're like, holy shit.
01:24:47.000 Like, what?
01:24:48.000 Yeah.
01:24:48.000 This is like we speak, it literally is like we speak different languages.
01:24:52.000 Like, what amuses them is so far from what amuses you.
01:24:55.000 Oh.
01:24:55.000 And then also, what amuses us to what amuses us around comedians?
01:24:58.000 You ever talk to a bunch of comics for a weekend or something, and then you go to your normcore people?
01:25:02.000 It's the worst.
01:25:03.000 And you bring a comic joke?
01:25:04.000 It makes you go like, I don't want to hang out with anybody that's not a comedian.
01:25:07.000 Wait, wait, wait.
01:25:08.000 Say that again.
01:25:08.000 What?
01:25:09.000 I missed it.
01:25:09.000 I don't want to say it.
01:25:10.000 You're having dinner with normal people, but you bring comedy sensibilities?
01:25:12.000 You just came out from Norman's bachelor party or something.
01:25:15.000 And they go like, oh my god.
01:25:16.000 Or there's one comic, and there's two other people.
01:25:19.000 And you're saying inappropriate shit, and everyone's like...
01:25:22.000 I thought that's what we were doing.
01:25:25.000 We're all together drinking.
01:25:26.000 We're not used to it.
01:25:27.000 Do you remember the thing that made me laugh so hard?
01:25:29.000 And I won't get too into details that would probably upset people, but...
01:25:33.000 Yerking off!
01:25:35.000 And I could not stop laughing.
01:25:38.000 What is that?
01:25:39.000 I can't.
01:25:40.000 What is that?
01:25:41.000 You son of a bitch.
01:25:42.000 I'm not going to remember this.
01:25:43.000 We do a ski festival.
01:25:45.000 And I could not stop laughing, and I tried to show it to regular people.
01:25:49.000 And because of the energy of the thing, they couldn't disconnect from the energy.
01:25:55.000 And we were crying, crying, laughing.
01:25:59.000 Burnhead just bought, we do these ski festivals, these mini festivals we do.
01:26:02.000 Just six, seven, eight comics, skiing, we do a couple shows to pay for it, and then we just go skiing.
01:26:07.000 And we're all hanging out in a cabin, and we're watching the angry response.
01:26:13.000 Oh, fuck, we're telling it.
01:26:14.000 To Louis C.K.'s Parkland joke?
01:26:18.000 Parkland joke.
01:26:19.000 Parkland joke from the parents.
01:26:21.000 It goes, oh, you're out there.
01:26:22.000 He goes, he goes, he does, the guy, the dad.
01:26:26.000 It's okay.
01:26:27.000 It's all comics.
01:26:28.000 And by the way, I'm a regular person also, so I can empathize with everything the father feels.
01:26:34.000 But he was trying to slam Louie, and in the process of it, the way of him saying that he was jerking off, it was so comedic that he did not intend it.
01:26:46.000 And I saw it, and I couldn't stop laughing.
01:26:49.000 And they're like, what are you laughing at?
01:26:49.000 And I go, you guys have to see it.
01:26:50.000 And I want to see if you laugh as hard as I laugh.
01:26:52.000 And it's just kind of goes.
01:26:54.000 Do you have a video?
01:26:54.000 The guy who posted it.
01:26:56.000 Oh, we can watch it right now?
01:26:57.000 You can watch it right now.
01:26:58.000 Should we not watch it?
01:26:59.000 I would not.
01:27:01.000 He doesn't have a sense of humor about it.
01:27:03.000 He doesn't have a sense of humor, but the guy's clearly like a Cuban or a Puerto Rican guy, and he's like, I mean, all he says is like, And this one comedian who was, and the way he says it is so funny that it was not his intent,
01:27:20.000 but it made us laugh so hard.
01:27:22.000 And we're trying to listen to his message.
01:27:24.000 His message is like, but it was, for a fan of comedy, it was the perfect amount of seriousness.
01:27:32.000 The whole week, everyone's like, what are you doing?
01:27:33.000 It's like, and we're all just dying.
01:27:36.000 And he did not mean to be funny, and that's when things are the funniest for a comic.
01:27:39.000 For sure the funniest.
01:27:40.000 Crying laughing.
01:27:41.000 It's like it's me, Norman, Sean Patton, Renizzisi, O'Neil, you.
01:27:46.000 It's got to be somebody else too in there.
01:27:48.000 And it was just like, we're just dying.
01:27:51.000 The way he said it, we're crying laughing.
01:27:54.000 And we're not laughing at what he's trying to say.
01:27:56.000 We're laughing at the fact that he's trying to be serious.
01:27:58.000 Of course.
01:27:59.000 Oh my god, that's funny.
01:28:02.000 And the comments are like, so brave.
01:28:05.000 We're sitting there going, are we the only ones laughing at this?
01:28:08.000 I gotta say, in your mom's house, in the Garth Brooks comments, sometimes the comments are like, to me, like a little comedy break from life.
01:28:17.000 They are.
01:28:18.000 I like to go, when Garth Brooks posts something, and then I go and see your mom's house fans have bombarded the comments, like, where are the bodies?
01:28:25.000 They follow them everywhere now.
01:28:27.000 Facebook, everything.
01:28:29.000 They're making jokes inside, like, jeans high and tight.
01:28:33.000 Confess for the murder of my aunt G. Your DNA was at the crime scene.
01:28:41.000 Be careful in jet poo.
01:28:42.000 Because he's shit on a plane.
01:28:45.000 He's shit on a plane?
01:28:46.000 What do you mean?
01:28:49.000 Somebody who works at the FBO in Nashville sent an image from...
01:28:54.000 They're like, we clean jets.
01:28:55.000 We clean Garth's jet.
01:28:57.000 And somebody shit all over the carpet and sprayed the floor.
01:29:02.000 And they're like, this is Garth's jet.
01:29:03.000 This is Garth's shit!
01:29:04.000 And then the next week they're like, I got fired from telling you!
01:29:07.000 No!
01:29:08.000 No way!
01:29:09.000 They sent the image and they sent the video, and so we read it and played it.
01:29:12.000 Oh, shut the fuck up.
01:29:13.000 Seems like a violation of some NDA. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:29:16.000 I think he got in trouble.
01:29:17.000 Please don't do that to my show.
01:29:19.000 They said that they're not really good about paying the...
01:29:22.000 They don't like to pay a lot of the bills for the mains.
01:29:26.000 And then he was like, no, he does pay.
01:29:28.000 He does pay.
01:29:28.000 Dude, the best is Nadav and I don't know who else it was.
01:29:32.000 Yeah.
01:29:32.000 They got into a...
01:29:33.000 Can I? What?
01:29:34.000 They got into a Garth Brooks...
01:29:36.000 Oh, concert.
01:29:37.000 That was amazing.
01:29:38.000 And they got on the big screen.
01:29:41.000 The Jumbotron at Houston, Texas.
01:29:43.000 Then holding a sign.
01:29:43.000 Says, where are the bodies?
01:29:44.000 Where are the bodies, G? And then it's on the thing, and then it just cuts away from it.
01:29:49.000 Because he dropped the sign.
01:29:51.000 He had two signs.
01:29:51.000 Would you be willing to drop this if Garth Brooks would come on the podcast?
01:29:55.000 A hundred percent.
01:29:55.000 A thousand percent.
01:29:56.000 For sure.
01:29:57.000 That'll never happen.
01:29:58.000 Why would that never happen?
01:29:59.000 Garth!
01:30:00.000 Garth, that should happen.
01:30:01.000 Oh, here it is.
01:30:02.000 Adob, you're a genius.
01:30:04.000 Garth, you should make this happen.
01:30:06.000 For everybody's sake.
01:30:07.000 We love you.
01:30:09.000 Where are the bodies, G? Look how quickly they pulled that camera away.
01:30:14.000 They didn't just switch cameras, they backed out of it.
01:30:17.000 See how they backed out?
01:30:18.000 Wait, what is that?
01:30:19.000 Oh shit.
01:30:20.000 But wait, there's no benefit for Garth to go on the podcast.
01:30:25.000 Incorrect.
01:30:26.000 First of all, they're very nice people.
01:30:29.000 Both Tom and Christina are very nice people.
01:30:31.000 I'm going to be devil's advocate.
01:30:33.000 Shut the fuck up for a second.
01:30:34.000 And they'd be happy to have Garth on and be nice to him.
01:30:39.000 Explain, we're sorry if this hurt your feelings.
01:30:41.000 This is all just fun.
01:30:42.000 Yes.
01:30:43.000 We're just fun people.
01:30:44.000 How fun would it be if Garth was like, listen man, I can't have that shit come up.
01:30:47.000 We're two years away from a statute of limitations.
01:30:49.000 What do you mean no?
01:30:50.000 Why no?
01:30:51.000 100% no.
01:30:52.000 Why?
01:30:52.000 If you're Garth's manager.
01:30:54.000 I'll tell you what's Garth.
01:30:56.000 Yeah?
01:30:59.000 How many months do you think it happened to Garth where it was a problem?
01:31:02.000 Where he was like, the fuck is this?
01:31:04.000 Never.
01:31:05.000 All the months.
01:31:06.000 Right, right, right, right?
01:31:07.000 Actually, at first we would go like, do you think Garth knows?
01:31:11.000 And we'd talk about that.
01:31:12.000 And then I happened to meet somebody who actually is closely connected to him.
01:31:21.000 And happens to be a fan of mine.
01:31:23.000 And I met this person, and I go, so what's going on?
01:31:27.000 Like, does he know?
01:31:28.000 And he goes, oh yeah, he knows.
01:31:29.000 Of course he knows.
01:31:30.000 And then I go, so what's the deal?
01:31:31.000 And they go, well, he goes, I asked his right-hand person, does Garth hate Tom?
01:31:40.000 And the guy goes, Garth doesn't hate anybody.
01:31:43.000 Which is such a Garth answer.
01:31:45.000 Garth doesn't hate anybody.
01:31:46.000 Because you were just like, no.
01:31:48.000 Right, but what did he say?
01:31:49.000 Just that they just accept that it's...
01:31:52.000 They have a spin on it.
01:31:54.000 That they're like, you know, when you're big, when you really well know, you have a big profile.
01:31:57.000 You can't control what happens online and all this stuff.
01:32:00.000 But it's all the comments.
01:32:02.000 It's not like...
01:32:02.000 It's every post.
01:32:04.000 It's every post.
01:32:05.000 But if he went on your podcast, I think it would turn around.
01:32:10.000 For Tom.
01:32:11.000 For Tom.
01:32:11.000 No, for Garth.
01:32:13.000 I'll tell you why.
01:32:15.000 Why can't you let him talk for a second?
01:32:17.000 No, it's his turn.
01:32:18.000 It's Bert's turn.
01:32:19.000 Are you sure?
01:32:19.000 Yeah, I think so.
01:32:21.000 You shut him up now.
01:32:21.000 He shuts him up and then you'll shut me up.
01:32:23.000 Nothing benefits Garth than this.
01:32:26.000 There's nothing that benefits Garth.
01:32:28.000 I'm just being real.
01:32:29.000 It benefits Tom.
01:32:31.000 It's bigger for Tom than it is for Garth.
01:32:33.000 Garth doesn't get a fan.
01:32:34.000 Here's why I disagree.
01:32:35.000 Here's why I disagree.
01:32:36.000 So we have profiled people that we've made fun of before, and there's a handful of them that leaned into it.
01:32:45.000 A dude's dating video that we profile and we make fun of, and then he's like, hey, I'm the guy.
01:32:51.000 And everybody who's making fun of them goes, oh, like, you're owning that you made this terrible dating video?
01:32:58.000 And it becomes like, basically, they become all fans of this guy.
01:33:02.000 And I think if he were to show the sense of humor about the thing...
01:33:06.000 What did I ever do to y'all?
01:33:07.000 Okay.
01:33:08.000 I think it would actually...
01:33:09.000 Objection.
01:33:09.000 People would flip out.
01:33:10.000 Objection.
01:33:11.000 You're talking about...
01:33:12.000 I'm just being...
01:33:13.000 Yes, yes.
01:33:13.000 You know, I'm your best friend.
01:33:14.000 I'm not disagreeing.
01:33:15.000 Just talk.
01:33:16.000 Just go ahead.
01:33:17.000 You're talking about a guy's dating video versus Garth Brooks, who's selling out stadiums.
01:33:23.000 He already has the fans.
01:33:25.000 I know he does.
01:33:25.000 But it's like Wayne Brady leaning into, like, I'm a gangster.
01:33:28.000 Nope, it's not.
01:33:30.000 It's not.
01:33:31.000 No, it's different than that.
01:33:33.000 You're talking about a guy who, in all respects, is kind of trolling a star.
01:33:42.000 I'm just being honest about it.
01:33:45.000 I think what actually happens, this is my opinion.
01:33:49.000 Super sensitive Bert over here.
01:33:51.000 I've thought about this before, but look, I've thought about this a ton.
01:33:54.000 I think it would make Garth Brooks more money to be on my podcast than Bert Brooks.
01:33:59.000 No, no, no.
01:34:00.000 I'm being serious, though.
01:34:01.000 Son of a bitch.
01:34:01.000 But, like, Garth's already got the fans, and his fans aren't your mom's house fans.
01:34:06.000 The comments change.
01:34:07.000 I think what happens is he starts getting a bunch of, instead of, like, these things that make no sense, they all start going, like, love, love, love.
01:34:13.000 If he doesn't like the comments, the comments go away because of this.
01:34:16.000 I do.
01:34:16.000 I think so.
01:34:17.000 But as a person who's been A victim of Tom's comments.
01:34:22.000 Because you fucked dogs.
01:34:23.000 Or the worst one.
01:34:25.000 Yeah, the worst one.
01:34:26.000 I just don't either.
01:34:26.000 Was when my special came out, Secret Time, and Tom was calling me the biggest American racist in the world.
01:34:34.000 And I was watching it happen in the comments, and it was like, I wish I could watch this, but he's a racist.
01:34:41.000 And then to watch the confusion that happens.
01:34:44.000 That's the problem, is the confusion that happens is what makes you feel powerless.
01:34:49.000 Is when someone's trolling you...
01:34:51.000 But that's happening now.
01:34:52.000 But the confusion is where Garth's fans are...
01:34:55.000 Garth's fans are listen to me.
01:34:59.000 Don't say that.
01:34:59.000 Disagree.
01:35:00.000 Because a lot of nice people and smart people are Garth's fans.
01:35:02.000 But if they're in the comments, and they see all this craziness that they don't understand at all, and it's all where the body's G. They don't understand it because where the body's G. They understand it at all.
01:35:11.000 He ain't killed nobody!
01:35:13.000 But if he does kill a man, this is how my comments work, then he killed a man because they deserved it, and it's okay to kill a black man.
01:35:21.000 That's the way these comments are coming out.
01:35:23.000 Where the fuck?
01:35:25.000 Because I watched it happen to me.
01:35:27.000 They might not even be real comments.
01:35:28.000 They might be Russian troll farms who are commenting.
01:35:31.000 The best was actually at that concert that Zolo went to and held up that sign.
01:35:36.000 They interviewed people outside the concert, and they were like, what do you think of these accusations?
01:35:41.000 And now it was on like one of the live shows, but it had all these people go like, some people were like, what are you talking about?
01:35:49.000 What is that?
01:35:49.000 And then some of them were like, well, you know, I'm a fan of the music.
01:35:52.000 If he kills somebody, they just roll with it.
01:35:55.000 Did you hear he killed someone?
01:35:56.000 Like, oh man, I don't know.
01:35:59.000 Why are you bothering me with that?
01:36:01.000 There's not one person in Garth's team That is of sound mind that would go like, you should definitely go on your mom's house.
01:36:07.000 Disagree.
01:36:08.000 If he doesn't like the comments, they go away with that.
01:36:10.000 Listen, Garth, I'm a fan.
01:36:12.000 I would have never done what Tom's done.
01:36:13.000 But I need you to know that it's going to be okay.
01:36:16.000 And if you go on your mom's house, we'll clear everything up.
01:36:20.000 I'll follow up.
01:36:21.000 No one's lower than Tom Segura.
01:36:23.000 And if you have friends in low places...
01:36:25.000 I remember I was in a fucking bar in Ohio.
01:36:29.000 I did a college in Ohio.
01:36:30.000 And these kids from the college, you know, I was like 23 or 24 or something like that.
01:36:36.000 And these kids from the college were like 20. They took me out to some place.
01:36:38.000 And we all went to this like honky-tonk type bar.
01:36:41.000 And that song came on.
01:36:43.000 And I had a drink.
01:36:43.000 And I was like, this is the greatest song in the world.
01:36:46.000 It's a great, catchy song.
01:36:48.000 And people were singing along, dude.
01:36:50.000 People were singing along.
01:36:51.000 We were all drinking whiskey.
01:36:52.000 No doubt he rules.
01:36:53.000 I'll tell you where he...
01:36:54.000 I'll tell you where...
01:36:55.000 Can I... Just being real, the where it makes sense is, and I hate to say this, you have Garth on your podcast and Tom is there.
01:37:07.000 I mean, serious.
01:37:08.000 It makes no sense to be on your mom's house.
01:37:10.000 There's a bunch of people that have been trolling him, but there are people that are Garth fans on this podcast that would be like, that would be fun.
01:37:17.000 Because I do love Garth and I do love Tom.
01:37:18.000 Can I add an addendum to that?
01:37:20.000 There's four chairs in here.
01:37:22.000 Christina should be in one too.
01:37:24.000 Yes, Christina should be here too.
01:37:25.000 The other thing I love about Garth Brooks is that Garth Brooks didn't put his shit on Apple Music.
01:37:31.000 Garth Brooks is like, nah, it belongs all together.
01:37:35.000 These fucking CDs go together.
01:37:36.000 These albums go together.
01:37:38.000 I'm not going to split it up.
01:37:39.000 He always worked out deals.
01:37:40.000 He had his own Amazon deal.
01:37:44.000 So when Apple Music just exploded, iTunes and stuff, he had to go to Amazon.
01:37:50.000 He made a deal with Amazon Music.
01:37:52.000 So that's really what lifted up that whole platform, was Amazon Music.
01:37:56.000 Then he would do discographies and be like, no, you can only get it at Walmart.
01:38:00.000 Because they keep their prices low, and that's where my fans want to go.
01:38:02.000 That's pretty fucking cool.
01:38:03.000 He did those deals.
01:38:04.000 Look, he's an autonomous man.
01:38:07.000 He's in control of his own destiny.
01:38:09.000 That guy's like selling out gigantic football stadiums.
01:38:13.000 Totally.
01:38:13.000 And when you compare that to a couple murders, what does it really matter?
01:38:19.000 They're just teasing, and they really shouldn't at this point.
01:38:21.000 It's like picking on a scab.
01:38:23.000 Garth, if you come on the podcast, I'm a fan.
01:38:25.000 Tom is actually a fan.
01:38:27.000 I am a fan.
01:38:28.000 Who's not a fan of Garth Brooks?
01:38:30.000 Garth Brooks is a bad motherfucker.
01:38:31.000 Did you see what he just did in Ireland?
01:38:33.000 It was somewhere over 400,000 tickets.
01:38:36.000 What?
01:38:37.000 In Ireland.
01:38:37.000 I'm not shocked.
01:38:39.000 The fucking guy is obviously a brilliant manager of his own life, as well as...
01:38:47.000 The guy's been around for 30 years.
01:38:50.000 Country music comes out of Irish music.
01:38:52.000 It does, it does.
01:38:53.000 Does it?
01:38:54.000 Scottish and Irish music, yeah.
01:38:56.000 Really?
01:38:56.000 What is this?
01:38:57.000 This picture's in...
01:38:58.000 Oh my God!
01:38:59.000 Jesus!
01:38:59.000 Look at all those people!
01:39:00.000 Holy shit!
01:39:00.000 Oh, I know what Tom and I are doing when we're in Ireland.
01:39:03.000 Holy shit!
01:39:04.000 I'm in Ireland in January, Tom's there in April.
01:39:08.000 Oh my God.
01:39:08.000 God, please, I haven't seen my family in weeks.
01:39:10.000 Wait, let me see their reply so I haven't seen my family in weeks.
01:39:13.000 How many replies?
01:39:14.000 Nine.
01:39:14.000 Let me just...
01:39:15.000 You just lost your life.
01:39:16.000 I'm a fan of Tom, but you are unbearable.
01:39:22.000 You people are unbearable.
01:39:24.000 Garth, listen, man.
01:39:24.000 I know this has been rough.
01:39:25.000 And it's really uncalled for.
01:39:27.000 And let's fix it.
01:39:29.000 Let's all fix it together.
01:39:30.000 Because I know what you're saying is it's...
01:39:33.000 It's lateral damage, meaning it's not meant to hurt his feelings.
01:39:38.000 It's all in good fun.
01:39:39.000 There's another point that should be made.
01:39:40.000 This is the kind of thing that you plant the seed for.
01:39:43.000 It's not like I'm every day directing.
01:39:45.000 Once you give people a thing to do, that went on their own.
01:39:50.000 That's the problem.
01:39:51.000 Skittles are bands in Ireland.
01:39:52.000 Yeah, that's the problem with you, Tom.
01:39:54.000 Skittles are banned.
01:39:55.000 What do you mean?
01:39:56.000 That's the problem with you, is that once you plant a seed, then you walk away like a farmer and then watch a rainforest show up.
01:40:02.000 What are Skittles?
01:40:03.000 Okay, we don't have to read them all.
01:40:04.000 We're good.
01:40:05.000 What are Skittles?
01:40:06.000 Is that a thing?
01:40:07.000 I identify with Garth in this whole fucking story.
01:40:10.000 Clearly, clearly.
01:40:11.000 Without a doubt.
01:40:12.000 What's going on?
01:40:13.000 But you don't know what it's like.
01:40:14.000 I mean, maybe you do, but like...
01:40:17.000 To know that it's a joke.
01:40:18.000 To see it in your comments and go and tell your team, please don't fuck with it.
01:40:23.000 Let it happen.
01:40:25.000 It's okay.
01:40:26.000 It's a joke.
01:40:27.000 And then watch people get confused.
01:40:29.000 And then watch a good-hearted human being that goes, hey man, I think you're really funny.
01:40:33.000 And then they're like...
01:40:34.000 Yeah, but it's not cool what he does to dogs.
01:40:36.000 And they're like, wait, I'm a big animal activist.
01:40:38.000 What happens?
01:40:38.000 And then this person goes, well, fuck Bert, right?
01:40:41.000 Sure.
01:40:41.000 He fucks dogs.
01:40:42.000 I'm out.
01:40:43.000 And then you go, I guess I didn't want you because you're that stupid.
01:40:46.000 But at the same time, you're like, I remember it distinctly happening on Secret Time.
01:40:50.000 Bert's trying to put out fires all around the world.
01:40:52.000 Sometimes you gotta let fires burn.
01:40:54.000 I fuck dogs.
01:40:56.000 That was the better.
01:40:57.000 Ping trip activated.
01:40:59.000 We swapped out.
01:41:00.000 We swapped out.
01:41:01.000 We swapped out fucked dogs for racism.
01:41:03.000 Yeah, we swapped out racism.
01:41:04.000 For sure, Pink Trip's going to make a video with you saying you fucked dogs.
01:41:06.000 You got it.
01:41:07.000 Pink Trip.
01:41:08.000 He makes these great edits.
01:41:09.000 You don't know who Pink Trip is?
01:41:09.000 He makes these incredible edits of conversations where he takes things completely out of context.
01:41:14.000 Makes it look like you and Tom are in love with each other and you're having a lover's spat.
01:41:17.000 It's great.
01:41:17.000 Dude, I cannot believe it.
01:41:19.000 It's amazing.
01:41:19.000 The guy that makes it look like Shane Gillis hates you?
01:41:22.000 Yeah.
01:41:22.000 Oh, yeah.
01:41:23.000 There's a bunch of them.
01:41:23.000 Pink Trip.
01:41:24.000 Can you please make an edit of Kanye West's Promoting my special.
01:41:29.000 He's been on this podcast.
01:41:30.000 That's a really good one to do, and I can't believe you fuck dogs.
01:41:33.000 Yeah, what?
01:41:34.000 Is it just male dogs or female dogs or both?
01:41:36.000 Hold on.
01:41:38.000 I've never fucked a dog.
01:41:39.000 Garth Brooks over here.
01:41:41.000 By the way, I'm just giving this guy great content.
01:41:45.000 I need another one of these.
01:41:47.000 Come on, guys.
01:41:47.000 We're feeling the buzz.
01:41:48.000 Let's make it happen.
01:41:49.000 What are we doing here?
01:41:50.000 So let me start asking questions about what the experience was like to you guys.
01:41:55.000 First of all, let me just say that I look forward to this so much.
01:41:59.000 I really do.
01:42:00.000 When we've been doing these Sober Octobers over the past, you know, X amount of, you want ice?
01:42:06.000 X amount of years.
01:42:08.000 Some of my favorite times of the year.
01:42:10.000 We took a few years off, too, right?
01:42:11.000 Didn't we not do it?
01:42:12.000 Yeah, we took a year off.
01:42:13.000 There was the whole pandemic movement and shit and nonsense, but we're back.
01:42:18.000 And we came back strong, this one.
01:42:21.000 And we came back in this one where...
01:42:23.000 We had a thing that we had to do again, which I think is the best thing.
01:42:27.000 It's like that we have a thing that we all have to suffer through together, but we don't compete against each other.
01:42:31.000 I was against it not competing because I was like, you gotta have a goal or a winner, but I was wrong.
01:42:36.000 A challenge is good.
01:42:37.000 Challenge is great.
01:42:38.000 It was great for our yoga thing.
01:42:40.000 It was great for this thing.
01:42:41.000 You don't need a winner.
01:42:42.000 It's just hard to do.
01:42:43.000 The problem with winners and losers is I'm crazy.
01:42:47.000 You're crazy and Burt's an asshole.
01:42:49.000 I don't like that part.
01:42:52.000 I don't want to open up that fucking box in my brain.
01:42:56.000 What part of you doesn't get my sense of humor in those jokes?
01:42:59.000 It's not that I don't get it.
01:42:59.000 I don't care.
01:43:01.000 You don't understand.
01:43:03.000 You think I don't get it?
01:43:04.000 Oh, I know what you're doing.
01:43:06.000 I'm like, not with me, motherfucker.
01:43:08.000 I'll drown you.
01:43:08.000 It tickles me now.
01:43:10.000 Shut up, Bert.
01:43:10.000 I know it tickles you.
01:43:12.000 Who do you think could do the most push-ups right now in a row?
01:43:15.000 Oh, definitely me.
01:43:16.000 You want me to start?
01:43:17.000 Sure.
01:43:18.000 Whatever you do, I'll do double.
01:43:20.000 Don't say that.
01:43:21.000 How many can you do in a row?
01:43:22.000 Easy, 40. You don't think I could do 80?
01:43:25.000 Prove it.
01:43:26.000 Prove it.
01:43:27.000 Prove it.
01:43:29.000 How long do I have to wait in between sets?
01:43:31.000 In a row.
01:43:32.000 Hold it right here.
01:43:33.000 How long can I hold it right here though?
01:43:35.000 How long can I wait?
01:43:37.000 Catch my breath.
01:43:39.000 Keep going.
01:43:39.000 What's the most anyone's ever done in a row?
01:43:41.000 I used to be able to do a hundred.
01:43:43.000 I can 100% do 40 easy.
01:43:46.000 Easy.
01:43:47.000 Not easy, I can do 40. So I'm like, if I do 40 and I pace myself, how much time are you allowed to hang out down there?
01:43:55.000 Nope, can't stop.
01:43:56.000 You've got to keep it going.
01:43:57.000 I'll tell you what.
01:43:59.000 I've seen people pause at the top.
01:44:00.000 You can pause at the top for like one second.
01:44:04.000 Let's start it high to low.
01:44:06.000 Ari, then me, then Tom, then Joe.
01:44:09.000 Wait, Tom can do more than you?
01:44:10.000 I don't know.
01:44:11.000 I don't know if that's true.
01:44:12.000 What's the most someone's ever done?
01:44:13.000 10,500.
01:44:15.000 Shut up.
01:44:16.000 Shut up.
01:44:17.000 Are they Marky Mark pushups?
01:44:19.000 It's being questioned whether it's even possible.
01:44:21.000 If we do Marky Mark pushups, I can fuck shit up.
01:44:25.000 Your Marky Mark push-ups is just getting your head down.
01:44:28.000 Yeah, that's Marky Mark push-ups.
01:44:29.000 You're going to make me tear a peck, because I'm going to go crazy.
01:44:32.000 I'm going to go crazy, and I'm not going to want to lose to you ever in anything like this.
01:44:36.000 The problem is, here's the way it works with competition.
01:44:41.000 It's entirely mental.
01:44:43.000 Oh, you think?
01:44:44.000 How many is this guy doing?
01:44:46.000 Those are real push-ups.
01:44:47.000 He did 50 in 30 seconds.
01:44:49.000 That's pretty fucking good.
01:44:50.000 Good body on that guy.
01:44:51.000 He's jacked.
01:44:51.000 Good body, good beard.
01:44:52.000 Nice tits.
01:44:53.000 Nice hat.
01:44:54.000 Solid shoes.
01:44:56.000 I did 40 the other day in a row.
01:44:58.000 He is moving, dude.
01:44:59.000 He's going fast.
01:45:00.000 Well, that's how I do them explosive.
01:45:03.000 You're not supposed to touch your chest to the ground?
01:45:06.000 You can, you can't.
01:45:07.000 I do whatever.
01:45:08.000 That's pretty close.
01:45:08.000 I always click.
01:45:09.000 I want to hear a click from the chest strap.
01:45:12.000 That's a better push-up.
01:45:13.000 That's how I do a push-up.
01:45:14.000 The chest strap gets down there.
01:45:15.000 I go to the click.
01:45:15.000 Yeah, when the chest strap clicks, I go up.
01:45:18.000 Either chest strap or the tip of my nose.
01:45:19.000 I think you could probably do a few more than 40. I probably could do 50. I could definitely do 100. I don't know what I could do, but I would 100% be able to do 50 easy.
01:45:29.000 Yeah, I know you could.
01:45:30.000 That's a big backoff from I can double you.
01:45:33.000 No, I definitely can't double him.
01:45:34.000 I should have said that.
01:45:34.000 When I said that, I was like, ooh, that could be a problem.
01:45:37.000 Joey backtracks.
01:45:39.000 Joey backtracks is taking it back right now because if he can do 50, I don't think I can do 100. He can't do 50. That fat piece of large.
01:45:46.000 He might be able to pull out 50 and completely herniated disc.
01:45:50.000 I don't think you can do 40. I just did 40 online the other day.
01:45:53.000 You said you did, but there's no proof of it.
01:45:54.000 Yeah, I videotaped it.
01:45:56.000 You could probably do 28 and Joey could do 56. Well, we were waiting to see Roger Waters.
01:46:00.000 I saw Ari do 10 girl push-ups.
01:46:02.000 That's good.
01:46:03.000 From his knees.
01:46:04.000 Dude, I started at four.
01:46:06.000 The way- Was my max out.
01:46:07.000 Joe's like, I get it.
01:46:08.000 Just do ten at a time.
01:46:09.000 What can you do right now?
01:46:10.000 My record- Let's blow it out right now.
01:46:12.000 I could do ten.
01:46:13.000 Nope.
01:46:14.000 Let's say as many as you can do.
01:46:15.000 Ten?
01:46:16.000 I could do ten.
01:46:17.000 I could probably get up to twelve.
01:46:18.000 I got up to fourteen.
01:46:19.000 From four to fourteen.
01:46:20.000 Okay, that's a good improvement.
01:46:21.000 In a row.
01:46:22.000 That's really good.
01:46:23.000 That's a big improvement.
01:46:24.000 Triple.
01:46:25.000 Wait, oh, four to fourteen.
01:46:26.000 Yeah.
01:46:27.000 Okay.
01:46:27.000 Okay.
01:46:28.000 I'm not listening.
01:46:30.000 So wait, when you guys did your push-ups, because I would do them, because I was afraid about tearing a pack, no joke, I would do 10 sets of 10. Yeah, I was doing 5 sets of 20. You have to be careful.
01:46:43.000 But the other thing is, like, you can do more work if you give yourself more rest.
01:46:47.000 That's that whole Pavel Tatsulin method of strength.
01:46:51.000 He says strength is a skill.
01:46:52.000 And if you do strength stuff, like, to the point where you're...
01:46:55.000 Shaking and you're not gonna do it the same way you would do it if you were fresh.
01:46:58.000 Don't you tear muscles and build them back up that way though?
01:46:59.000 No, that's not what he thinks.
01:47:01.000 I mean, and this is very controversial and a lot of people disagree, but one thing that I think is valid about it is that you don't get hurt as much.
01:47:10.000 Because like instead of doing one set of ten, I'll do two sets of five.
01:47:14.000 And instead of doing, you know, 30 reps over 3 sets, I'm doing 30 reps over 6 sets.
01:47:20.000 But I'm doing the same amount of work.
01:47:21.000 I'm just taking big breaks in between the work.
01:47:24.000 And they're probably better, it's probably better work.
01:47:26.000 Better form.
01:47:27.000 And then you're not, you don't get as sore either.
01:47:30.000 There's this homeless guy in New York, and every time he passes a scaffolding, he'll just do 10 pull-ups.
01:47:36.000 That'll make you strong as fuck.
01:47:37.000 And he is ripped.
01:47:38.000 Pull-ups would have been, in hindsight, pull-ups would have been the shit.
01:47:42.000 To be able to do 100 pull-ups a day would have been fucking insane.
01:47:46.000 Yeah, but here's the thing about that.
01:47:47.000 Pull-ups uniquely, especially for as big as you are, can uniquely damage your joints.
01:47:52.000 That's true.
01:47:53.000 At 380, it gets that big?
01:47:54.000 At 900 pounds, when you're doing 100 in a day...
01:48:05.000 Do you think that my push-ups are harder than your push-ups?
01:48:09.000 Yeah, that's a good point.
01:48:11.000 Can you do a pull-up?
01:48:11.000 No, they are harder.
01:48:12.000 His are harder.
01:48:13.000 Your bodyweight squats are harder.
01:48:15.000 Your chin-ups are harder.
01:48:16.000 100%.
01:48:17.000 So then, here's the real question.
01:48:19.000 Do the math, Jamie.
01:48:20.000 Yeah, I should do more work than you.
01:48:21.000 If we did push-ups per person, meaning 40 pushups for me is like 80 for you.
01:48:31.000 I don't think it is like 80, but it's definitely like 50. How many do you weigh in the show?
01:48:35.000 225?
01:48:36.000 I weigh like 205 right now.
01:48:37.000 Same as Tom.
01:48:38.000 Yeah.
01:48:39.000 And you're a foot shorter?
01:48:39.000 And we look the same.
01:48:40.000 I'm eight inches and a half.
01:48:44.000 Tom wears lifts.
01:48:46.000 If you fucking factored in fat, the biggest problem...
01:48:50.000 The other thing is, like, cardio is harder if you're heavier, right?
01:48:55.000 Like, if you're carrying your own body weight and you're doing a treadmill, that's fucking harder.
01:48:58.000 But doesn't your heartbeat get faster sooner?
01:49:00.000 In a regular push-up, you lift 64% of your body weight, whereas with a knee push-up, it's 49%.
01:49:06.000 Not bad.
01:49:06.000 You do a lot of reps.
01:49:07.000 If you need to training, performing the push-up with hands elevated on a 24-inch bench will allow you to lift even less than a knee push-up at 41%.
01:49:14.000 Yeah, people do those when they're rehabbing chest injuries.
01:49:18.000 Knee push-ups?
01:49:19.000 Yeah, what, off a bench?
01:49:20.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:49:21.000 Or you can lean on, like, a long...
01:49:22.000 So how do we get us on the floor to push-ups?
01:49:24.000 If it was all even, first of all, it was all even.
01:49:26.000 Like, Tom and I would have an advantage that Tom and I work out all the time.
01:49:29.000 Like, Tom's been working out, like, basically two times a day for the past year.
01:49:33.000 And they're so short that it's almost like doing the push-ups.
01:49:35.000 Legitimately.
01:49:35.000 I feel like it goes to Christmas past.
01:49:37.000 Legitimately.
01:49:37.000 I work out all the time.
01:49:38.000 I'm sure you do.
01:49:40.000 It's just a little different.
01:49:42.000 I work out.
01:49:43.000 My whoop.
01:49:44.000 Let me go through my whoop.
01:49:46.000 I'm sure you're about to have a heart attack.
01:49:47.000 Jamie, can you pull up my whoop stats?
01:49:49.000 That's not my point.
01:49:51.000 Jamie, Jamie.
01:49:51.000 My point is, Bert, you and I worked out together.
01:49:53.000 You and I worked out together.
01:49:55.000 You get after it.
01:49:56.000 Yeah, I get after it.
01:49:56.000 We worked out together with John Wolfe.
01:49:57.000 They're on my Instagram.
01:49:58.000 Take a look at the improvement I've had on my whoop.
01:50:00.000 You actually have a big improvement.
01:50:01.000 I didn't mean on whoop.
01:50:02.000 I just meant overall.
01:50:03.000 You physically look better.
01:50:05.000 Your face looks totally different.
01:50:07.000 I look better.
01:50:08.000 My thing will be reeling this.
01:50:10.000 Take a look at my WHOOP recovery.
01:50:13.000 Recovery's up 19%.
01:50:14.000 Heart rate variability's up 37%.
01:50:17.000 What does that mean, heart rate variability?
01:50:19.000 I don't know, but it sounds great.
01:50:20.000 Resting heart rate, 11%.
01:50:22.000 Sleep efficiency, 1.2%.
01:50:24.000 But his sleep proficiency is good.
01:50:27.000 It's 87%.
01:50:29.000 That part is amazing.
01:50:30.000 That's very good.
01:50:30.000 That WHOOP guy just did an explanation of HRV because I've tried to understand it like three different times and I still don't get it.
01:50:36.000 Every time.
01:50:37.000 I don't know, but...
01:50:38.000 All I know is I can tell you...
01:50:39.000 Oh, here it goes.
01:50:40.000 There's a variance and variability are two different things.
01:50:43.000 Heart rate variability is where the amount of time between your heartbeat fluctuates slightly, even though these fluctuations are undetectable, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...
01:50:52.000 It doesn't matter.
01:50:53.000 Okay.
01:50:54.000 But we get it.
01:50:55.000 Yeah.
01:50:56.000 It's better.
01:50:57.000 Ari's got to pee.
01:50:58.000 Go to the bathroom.
01:51:00.000 Son of a bitch.
01:51:01.000 So wait, do you think this month made you healthier?
01:51:05.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:51:06.000 Yeah.
01:51:07.000 Yeah, it definitely did.
01:51:08.000 But it was also interesting to have to work out for a specific amount of calories every single day.
01:51:13.000 Can I tell you the part that I think is the best, though?
01:51:16.000 Yeah.
01:51:16.000 It's the accountability.
01:51:17.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:51:18.000 You have to do it.
01:51:19.000 You could tell me to do this on my own, and like, I still think I'd do it, but there's something about being accountable to your friends.
01:51:26.000 And also being public.
01:51:27.000 Like, I'm doing this every day.
01:51:29.000 Like, you know that people are like, you have to do this.
01:51:31.000 It changes it.
01:51:32.000 It changes the way your mental approach.
01:51:34.000 I also, like, developed some really good circuits.
01:51:37.000 I developed some really good ways that I could get, like, a full body workout and blast out, like, the same amount of calories.
01:51:44.000 And, like, for weightlifting, it was always, like, an hour and a half.
01:51:46.000 Because I'd take those times in between sets.
01:51:49.000 But for cardio, like, that echo bike, that rogue echo bike, that's the motherfucker of motherfuckers, I think.
01:51:55.000 Yeah, that thing's crazy.
01:51:56.000 Doing those sprints, those Tabata sprints.
01:51:58.000 So you do 20-second sprint, 10-second rest.
01:52:00.000 That was what I was, like, torturing myself with the most.
01:52:03.000 I did a lot of Peloton bike, which was great on cardio days.
01:52:07.000 And then the thing, if I needed to hit that calorie count and I had limited time, the best way for me was to do a kettlebell circuit.
01:52:16.000 And with very little brakes, it would just stay elevated.
01:52:20.000 I hate to be a remedial dude, but explain a kettlebell circuit.
01:52:24.000 So you do like cleans, like 10 reps, clean press, 10 reps, clean press, squat, 10 reps, windmill, 10 reps.
01:52:32.000 And no rest.
01:52:33.000 No rest.
01:52:33.000 No rest.
01:52:34.000 And you go through it.
01:52:35.000 Okay, I've done that.
01:52:35.000 We would add our push-ups to that.
01:52:37.000 So we would do like, let's say, swings into goblet squats, into split squats.
01:52:42.000 Put it down, 20 pushups, go back on.
01:52:45.000 So if you keep doing that, five sets of that, you knock out your 100 pushups.
01:52:48.000 And by the end of that, I wouldn't be at the 500, but I'd be close.
01:52:51.000 So if I was like, I just got to hit these 500 now, I could do it in a pretty limited amount of time.
01:52:56.000 How much time would it take you to do that?
01:52:58.000 I mean, that circuit would probably take me somewhere in the, I think in like the high 20s to low 30, something like that.
01:53:06.000 30 minutes.
01:53:07.000 Maybe 28 minutes, something like that.
01:53:08.000 Wow, so your heart rate's just jacked.
01:53:10.000 His heart rate, so you weren't following his heart rates?
01:53:12.000 I was looking at y'all's heart rates, because I couldn't get mine up.
01:53:16.000 Really?
01:53:17.000 Yeah, I couldn't.
01:53:17.000 But you were also competing against something, you know what I mean?
01:53:20.000 Well, I have blood pressure medicine.
01:53:22.000 Right, so that's different.
01:53:22.000 Like, I'm on a bunch of pills.
01:53:25.000 Which is interesting, is one day I forgot all my pills, worked out, get to dinner, and I realize I haven't taken any of my blood pressure.
01:53:32.000 And I'm sober now, probably 28 days.
01:53:35.000 And I take my blood pressure just to see what's at.
01:53:38.000 It's fucking normal.
01:53:39.000 Yeah, what?
01:53:40.000 And I was like, goddammit, man, I could be on no medication if I could party.
01:53:43.000 You could be.
01:53:44.000 Would you rather keep partying, or would you rather get on no medication?
01:53:49.000 Oh, that's a good question.
01:53:50.000 You know, I'll tell you right now, I have a list of things that are important.
01:53:57.000 Number one is not, I don't want a stroke.
01:54:00.000 That's number one.
01:54:01.000 Jesus.
01:54:01.000 No, but that's a game changer.
01:54:04.000 Yeah.
01:54:04.000 Because I see dudes run down my street sometimes that have had a stroke, and you go, oh, now's when you're healthy.
01:54:10.000 Fuck.
01:54:11.000 You know?
01:54:13.000 You want to have all use of your body as much as we can at this point.
01:54:17.000 We've been through surgeries and whatnot.
01:54:19.000 But, like...
01:54:20.000 But also, I know that seeing a cardiologist regularly keeps me in the okay.
01:54:28.000 I need to regulate it somewhat better.
01:54:32.000 Because my lifestyle is not living at a place where I can party the way I used to.
01:54:36.000 I'm just working way too hard.
01:54:38.000 But I like partying.
01:54:40.000 I like fucking partying.
01:54:42.000 I think you just limit the amount of times you do it.
01:54:46.000 Go hard, but go hard on occasions where people are around.
01:54:51.000 Sorry, buddy.
01:54:54.000 Why don't you do the end of the week thing?
01:54:57.000 You go on the road, and you work Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and then Saturday night.
01:55:03.000 You have your night, so you're healthy through the week.
01:55:07.000 It's like the equivalent of someone being like, I feel like eating fucking donuts.
01:55:11.000 You get to have them on Sunday.
01:55:12.000 You show up to the store, and for whatever reason, Norman and DeRosa are there.
01:55:15.000 You're like, oh, okay, let's go.
01:55:18.000 Okay, but then how often do you party in New York?
01:55:20.000 Because that's what you're talking about.
01:55:22.000 And I know already the answer.
01:55:24.000 A bit too often.
01:55:25.000 Yeah.
01:55:26.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:55:27.000 Because then it gets to the point where, like, well, nobody's here, but, yeah, I want a drink.
01:55:31.000 And then it's like, eh, this guy's here.
01:55:34.000 It'll do.
01:55:34.000 Hey, you want to go harsh?
01:55:36.000 Freddie Gibbs was at the store the other night.
01:55:39.000 I don't know if Freddie Gibbs was, but I'm a fan.
01:55:41.000 I saw him rap with this kid in his lap.
01:55:42.000 I thought it was cool as shit.
01:55:44.000 He walks back.
01:55:45.000 What's Freddie Gibbs?
01:55:45.000 Bee Gees?
01:55:47.000 Yep.
01:55:48.000 And so Brian Moses introduces us.
01:55:53.000 And I'm like, oh, cool.
01:55:55.000 And they're like, hey, you want a drink?
01:55:56.000 Famous rapper.
01:55:57.000 And part of me goes, I know that tonight's not the night.
01:56:00.000 None of my friends are there.
01:56:02.000 Yeah.
01:56:02.000 But if Freddie Gibbles wants to have a drink, I'm going to have a drink with them.
01:56:04.000 Yeah.
01:56:05.000 Yeah.
01:56:05.000 And that's the times when you shouldn't.
01:56:07.000 You should go...
01:56:08.000 Ah, nothing great's gonna happen out of the night.
01:56:11.000 You know, I should just leave and go home and get a good night's sleep and work out tomorrow.
01:56:14.000 But it's fucking Freddie Gibbs.
01:56:16.000 It's like, the guy's a great fucking...
01:56:17.000 But that phrase, nothing good's gonna happen, that's not necessarily true.
01:56:21.000 Because a good time, a good time's amazing.
01:56:24.000 And you gotta acknowledge that.
01:56:25.000 You've got to acknowledge that.
01:56:26.000 If you want to preach the benefits of being sober, you also have to acknowledge the benefits of having a good time while you're lit.
01:56:33.000 It is fun.
01:56:34.000 Yes.
01:56:34.000 Because it's fun.
01:56:35.000 I was getting ready for my special.
01:56:36.000 I was like, let me not drink.
01:56:37.000 Let me not smoke for a while.
01:56:39.000 Let me get focused.
01:56:40.000 And one night in Kansas City, me and Anthony DeVito were there, and he also wasn't drinking.
01:56:44.000 And fucking Brian Regan was like, hey, I had a fucking theater show.
01:56:48.000 Do you mind if I come by your fucking late show and hang out?
01:56:50.000 And I was like, yeah, I mean, of course.
01:56:53.000 And then he goes, you want to have a couple cocktails?
01:56:54.000 And me and DeVito both looked at each other and was like, we're drinking tonight though, right?
01:56:57.000 He goes, yeah, 100%.
01:56:59.000 You've got to take off a night like that.
01:57:02.000 When it's a big thing, somebody's wedding, your brother's wedding, something like that.
01:57:06.000 But do you think you can do that?
01:57:08.000 That's the real question.
01:57:09.000 That's not what you want to do.
01:57:11.000 That's not what you want to do.
01:57:12.000 You want to devour life.
01:57:15.000 That's what you want.
01:57:15.000 Yeah, you're a fucking animal.
01:57:17.000 We're all going to die one day.
01:57:19.000 That's the truth.
01:57:19.000 Probably you quicker than us, but yeah.
01:57:21.000 Probably quicker.
01:57:21.000 I bet I'll live all you motherfuckers.
01:57:23.000 How dare you?
01:57:23.000 I'll take that bet.
01:57:24.000 First of all, how dare you?
01:57:25.000 I bet I outlive.
01:57:26.000 This is coming from the guy who said he could do the splits.
01:57:28.000 Can you guys, no one here alive will be able to play this.
01:57:31.000 Can you play this at my funeral?
01:57:33.000 Okay.
01:57:33.000 Play this at my funeral, and then everyone's going to go, I would hope that would make you sad if we're all dead and you're alive and you're right and you're going to play it at the funeral.
01:57:41.000 No, it means I win Summer October!
01:57:44.000 Imagine, he's like, I fucking told those guys.
01:57:46.000 I'm gonna play you the video.
01:57:48.000 She plays us the video as him saying that he would outlive us after we're dead.
01:57:52.000 We can't play this in front of your family.
01:57:53.000 We can play it at the Comedians Memorial.
01:57:56.000 This clip, when you die first.
01:57:57.000 Let me ask you this.
01:57:58.000 I think the biggest departure from regular life for any of us is actually for you this month.
01:58:03.000 Because we're actually, I mean, he's obviously a lunatic, and then we are active.
01:58:08.000 But you don't do fucking shit.
01:58:10.000 You're like, oh my god, I did the stairs today.
01:58:13.000 I did stairs in my apartment.
01:58:14.000 It was like, I gotta do this at 1 a.m.
01:58:16.000 Yeah, you work out like that homeless guy you were talking about.
01:58:20.000 People in my building are like, what are you doing?
01:58:22.000 They're going to the laundry room and I'm like...
01:58:24.000 So wait, are you going to stick to any of it, you think?
01:58:25.000 I'm going to try to do...
01:58:27.000 Let's see you shirtless.
01:58:28.000 What?
01:58:29.000 I'd like to see you shirtless flexing.
01:58:30.000 If I had to bet, I'd say, no, that guy's not going to stick with it.
01:58:33.000 But in my head, I'm like, three days a week would be nice.
01:58:36.000 You should do it, man.
01:58:36.000 And especially if you're like, 500 is a normal...
01:58:39.000 You can get that.
01:58:40.000 It's not crazy.
01:58:40.000 You can say it's not just working out randomly.
01:58:42.000 You're going to feel better.
01:58:43.000 Don't you feel better this month?
01:58:44.000 Let me see your body.
01:58:45.000 Because I know there were some problem areas.
01:58:47.000 Your problem areas are gone.
01:58:48.000 Look at your abs coming in.
01:58:49.000 You had that little belly pocket.
01:58:52.000 Your six-pack.
01:58:53.000 Look at that thing, man.
01:58:54.000 You look good, bro.
01:58:55.000 You look good, Ari.
01:58:56.000 When I had to trade Roger Waters' asset for sit-ups.
01:58:58.000 But here's the thing.
01:58:59.000 If you can keep doing this, you can keep that.
01:59:03.000 And you could even get better.
01:59:06.000 Smell.
01:59:06.000 If you can keep working out, like just, I mean, that 500 a day is not that fucking hard.
01:59:13.000 It's really not.
01:59:13.000 It's about 45 minutes.
01:59:14.000 Yeah, it's about 45 minutes if you're doing stuff hard where your heart rate's jacked.
01:59:18.000 And if you're doing like weightlifting, it's probably like an hour and a half.
01:59:21.000 Yeah.
01:59:21.000 But it's not that hard.
01:59:23.000 The benefit of the lack of anxiety is fucking extraordinary.
01:59:27.000 I don't know how you guys are.
01:59:29.000 My anxiety is so far down.
01:59:31.000 My skin is better.
01:59:32.000 My crowd work is at an all-time high.
01:59:35.000 Your brain's up, firing differently.
01:59:37.000 I really think that you need that.
01:59:40.000 I think that's what humans are supposed to do.
01:59:43.000 They're supposed to have physical activity in their life.
01:59:45.000 Especially late in your 30s like this.
01:59:47.000 You're supposed to get after it.
01:59:50.000 Also, you can do normal things.
01:59:52.000 We don't all have access to the fucking Madison Square Garden, you know, workout gym that Bert has and shit like that.
01:59:58.000 But, like, we can all do...
01:59:59.000 I can just jump on a city bike and bike for 40 minutes.
02:00:02.000 Well, what you did in your fucking staircase.
02:00:04.000 You just would walk stairs.
02:00:06.000 It's also that thing where, like, the older you get, the more resources you have, and the easier you can make life.
02:00:11.000 And, like, when you force yourself to be uncomfortable...
02:00:14.000 Workouts can sometimes be the only uncomfortable part of your day.
02:00:17.000 You know?
02:00:17.000 That's it.
02:00:18.000 That's a very important thing.
02:00:19.000 You can be very comfortable all the time.
02:00:21.000 Coming home at 1am going, I'm done!
02:00:23.000 And you're like, fuck!
02:00:24.000 These fucking assholes are my friends!
02:00:26.000 I gotta do this fucking thing!
02:00:27.000 I'm done!
02:00:28.000 Yeah, but you're one of those assholes too, bro.
02:00:29.000 You are.
02:00:30.000 You can't blame us.
02:00:32.000 I feel a little, like, blamed.
02:00:35.000 Because, like, you blame us while you're doing this thing that you agreed to.
02:00:39.000 We all agreed to it.
02:00:40.000 Imagine if he drugged you.
02:00:42.000 But there's a powerful thing involved in having that ultimate accountability.
02:00:47.000 Like, you have to do it.
02:00:48.000 You gotta do it.
02:00:49.000 You gotta mail in that text.
02:00:51.000 I'm coming up with...
02:00:52.000 I'd be interested if we should all do it, but I would like to do another thing.
02:00:56.000 What?
02:00:57.000 Like this.
02:00:57.000 Another challenge.
02:00:58.000 Like a hundred squats a day, or air squats.
02:01:02.000 Just something so that I have to pay a tax at the end of the day.
02:01:04.000 Actually, we should do that.
02:01:05.000 We should come up with that today.
02:01:06.000 And I think because you asked for it, we should definitely challenge you to something.
02:01:10.000 We can all do it, but I'm saying...
02:01:11.000 Challenge me to what?
02:01:12.000 Like you're saying, an additional challenge would be for...
02:01:15.000 I'd be up for it.
02:01:15.000 The sit-ups were pretty cool.
02:01:16.000 I can't get involved in competition.
02:01:19.000 No, no, not like that.
02:01:20.000 No, challenge.
02:01:20.000 Not competition, challenge.
02:01:21.000 Sort of like October just was.
02:01:23.000 I love your brain.
02:01:23.000 It wasn't...
02:01:24.000 Your brain...
02:01:24.000 You know your brain's adjacent to mine, right?
02:01:27.000 I'm sure they're neighbors.
02:01:28.000 They're next-door neighbors, and they both don't like who moved in across the street.
02:01:33.000 Well, that's why I get so upset when you talk shit.
02:01:36.000 But so, this is what I'm saying.
02:01:37.000 It's not a competition.
02:01:37.000 He's saying a challenge, like, as in...
02:01:40.000 How's your workouts going?
02:01:40.000 Like, no, no.
02:01:42.000 Like, a hundred a day push.
02:01:44.000 Like, we should do another one for November, because he's asking for it.
02:01:47.000 I know what that means with him.
02:01:48.000 He wants you to say, we've got to do this every day.
02:01:51.000 Well, it would be smart if we continued doing something.
02:01:54.000 That's what I'm saying.
02:01:54.000 Just because of the benefit that we all got out of this month, if we want to pretend that that's temporary.
02:01:58.000 I don't want to start over at four pushups next year.
02:02:01.000 Yes, that's the thing.
02:02:02.000 It's like the benefit we all got out of that, what I got out of it, was this extreme alleviation of external worry and concern.
02:02:13.000 Extreme.
02:02:13.000 It's also you get rewards of going, hey guys, look what I did.
02:02:17.000 I tried this today.
02:02:18.000 Oh, cool.
02:02:18.000 How was that?
02:02:19.000 Oh, I called the battle bike that you did.
02:02:21.000 It was like, oh, you get to brag a little and people are like, oh, is that a good one?
02:02:24.000 Maybe I'll try that one.
02:02:25.000 It puts life into a more manageable frequency.
02:02:28.000 I got a challenge for us.
02:02:30.000 Do you know what I'm saying?
02:02:31.000 Yeah, absolutely.
02:02:32.000 Absolutely.
02:02:33.000 Bert's going to be on board.
02:02:34.000 You guys are going to be not.
02:02:35.000 We do rowing.
02:02:36.000 The rowing thing.
02:02:38.000 We finish it off with doing the Talisker cross-Atlantic journey.
02:02:43.000 Four-person row.
02:02:44.000 You're sucking the devil's dick right now, son.
02:02:47.000 I love your brain.
02:02:48.000 I love your fucking brain.
02:02:49.000 Tommy and I are going to be live broadcasting.
02:02:51.000 I love your brain.
02:02:52.000 Tommy and I will be live from your mom's house studios.
02:02:56.000 We can do it.
02:02:57.000 How far?
02:02:58.000 How far?
02:02:58.000 It's like two or three weeks.
02:03:00.000 Three weeks.
02:03:01.000 Three weeks of rowing.
02:03:03.000 Jamie.
02:03:05.000 We'll have a boat trailing us the whole time.
02:03:07.000 I fucking love this.
02:03:08.000 And you knew he would love that shit.
02:03:09.000 Of course I did.
02:03:11.000 I love this.
02:03:11.000 I love this.
02:03:12.000 I called it perfectly.
02:03:13.000 I love this.
02:03:13.000 Across the Atlantic.
02:03:15.000 Some of us.
02:03:15.000 I fucking love this.
02:03:17.000 Every day we take two and two, two and two.
02:03:19.000 This is the new Jewish conspiracy that I don't like.
02:03:23.000 I fucking love this.
02:03:25.000 You can make your dumb videos?
02:03:26.000 I like this so much.
02:03:28.000 How long does it take, Jamie?
02:03:30.000 Two months?
02:03:31.000 No, no, no.
02:03:32.000 For four people, it's going to take a lot longer.
02:03:36.000 How many meters is it?
02:03:38.000 It's years.
02:03:40.000 It's a continent.
02:03:41.000 Do you know how much we would fucking hate each other at the end of this thing?
02:03:46.000 Do you know how much we would hate each other?
02:03:48.000 Hang on.
02:03:49.000 Stop.
02:03:49.000 This is the best idea you've ever had in your life.
02:03:51.000 It's a terrible idea and you can all eat shit.
02:03:52.000 We all see if we can row across the Atlantic as a team.
02:03:56.000 This is the most brilliant thing I've ever fucking heard.
02:04:00.000 I'm gonna miss you guys.
02:04:01.000 Joe, you have a rower here.
02:04:03.000 You can call into your families.
02:04:05.000 You know what I hate about you?
02:04:06.000 What?
02:04:06.000 You knew to fucking send this to Dum Dum first.
02:04:09.000 And then you get them all excited.
02:04:12.000 This is brilliant.
02:04:13.000 This is better than my teaser.
02:04:14.000 This is the best thing I've ever seen in my life.
02:04:16.000 Get the fuck out of here.
02:04:17.000 Ari, this is fucking genius.
02:04:19.000 And we can bring talent still with us.
02:04:20.000 Nice to be lit together, boy.
02:04:22.000 It feels good to be drunk again.
02:04:24.000 This is fun times.
02:04:25.000 This is like what I miss.
02:04:26.000 The ridiculousness of our conversations.
02:04:29.000 Look at the exultion!
02:04:30.000 Don't you want exultion?
02:04:31.000 They look jacked though.
02:04:32.000 They jacked as fuck.
02:04:34.000 How many miles is it?
02:04:35.000 Let's break it down to meters.
02:04:36.000 Do you think that guy looks like that when he nuts?
02:04:38.000 I think that's what he does when he nuts.
02:04:41.000 Go back to that picture.
02:04:43.000 Girls do it, dude!
02:04:44.000 When he nuts.
02:04:45.000 That's what he looks like.
02:04:48.000 Rowing is the shit.
02:04:50.000 We have a trailer boat.
02:04:51.000 We can't get in trouble.
02:04:52.000 I carry a rower in my torus.
02:04:54.000 You guys are so dumb.
02:04:56.000 3,000 miles.
02:04:59.000 Cut it into meters.
02:05:00.000 You guys are so dumb.
02:05:01.000 It hurts my feelings.
02:05:03.000 Dude, it's such a good idea.
02:05:04.000 What time of the year is it?
02:05:06.000 Jamie, what time of the year is it?
02:05:08.000 I like that whiskey sponsors it.
02:05:09.000 Yup.
02:05:10.000 You guys are high as fuck.
02:05:12.000 This is never happening.
02:05:14.000 1.5 million strokes per race.
02:05:16.000 Oh, it's deep.
02:05:16.000 It's only five miles deep.
02:05:18.000 We're not going down.
02:05:20.000 The guy that discovered Hawaii.
02:05:21.000 20 foot high waves?
02:05:22.000 Bro.
02:05:23.000 This guy was kept company by a whale for seven days.
02:05:25.000 The guy finished it in 29 days, 14 hours and 34 minutes, and he's a fucking champ.
02:05:30.000 That's a four-man team.
02:05:31.000 That's a four-man team.
02:05:32.000 We can podcast on there.
02:05:34.000 You're going to lose about 18 pounds on it.
02:05:36.000 This is all nonsense now.
02:05:37.000 We've entered into nonsense.
02:05:38.000 Alright, what if we did it on rowing machines?
02:05:42.000 No!
02:05:42.000 No, they're smaller ones.
02:05:43.000 I bet you could do a weak one at whiskey.
02:05:45.000 What if we did it on rowing machines?
02:05:47.000 You guys are far drunker than I, clearly.
02:05:49.000 Look at these guys.
02:05:49.000 I bet you could do it in a one-week one.
02:05:50.000 Those guys are fucking studs.
02:05:52.000 Those guys are jacks.
02:05:54.000 That's us!
02:05:55.000 That's us!
02:05:56.000 In a better world, that's us!
02:05:57.000 He's all middle-aged.
02:05:59.000 You got me.
02:06:00.000 You know that.
02:06:02.000 How cool would it be?
02:06:03.000 It would be terrible if you have a torn rotator cuff in the middle of the fucking ocean.
02:06:07.000 You'll have a trail of doctors on the boat behind us.
02:06:09.000 Goddammit, how do you know me so well and my wife doesn't?
02:06:11.000 Of course.
02:06:12.000 Of course.
02:06:13.000 You guys should suck each other off right now to end this podcast.
02:06:15.000 I'll do it.
02:06:16.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
02:06:18.000 What's our...
02:06:19.000 But I do like that energy of we all...
02:06:22.000 There's a week-long challenge out there.
02:06:24.000 But even if it's just at home and we all did a certain amount of calories on a rower or on a treadmill...
02:06:32.000 You need something for November.
02:06:33.000 What's your November challenge?
02:06:34.000 I know you.
02:06:35.000 You need a November challenge.
02:06:36.000 You really do.
02:06:36.000 We need to ride this out.
02:06:39.000 We've got it going.
02:06:42.000 Let's not turn off the momentum.
02:06:44.000 Sit-ups is good.
02:06:45.000 I'd add that.
02:06:46.000 Sit-ups are great.
02:06:47.000 That's great.
02:06:48.000 Crunches, sit-ups, yeah.
02:06:51.000 That's not my hardest thing.
02:06:52.000 I do one thing where I do a whole bodyweight circuit one day, where I start with chin-ups, and then I go from chin-ups to dips, and then I go dips to these kind of chin-ups, like a different grip, and then I go from that to push-ups, and then I go from that to bodyweight squats.
02:07:07.000 You know what was fucking rad?
02:07:10.000 Coach Wolf?
02:07:11.000 John Wolf?
02:07:11.000 John Wolf.
02:07:12.000 So who we know, everybody knows.
02:07:14.000 I went there one day, and he did this mobility, like...
02:07:18.000 Like the hip stuff?
02:07:19.000 Warm up, but it was full body, just to pre-workout, and it felt like a fucking full...
02:07:25.000 He's like, now we're...
02:07:26.000 It was like 20 minutes, 30 minutes?
02:07:28.000 Yeah.
02:07:28.000 If we can get, like, we all see some video that we like, like, do this every day.
02:07:33.000 It was incredible.
02:07:34.000 I mean, it felt like a full fucking body workout.
02:07:36.000 It was just his mobility stuff.
02:07:39.000 Who's the gay guy with the short shorts?
02:07:40.000 Let's all do that one.
02:07:41.000 Richard Simmons?
02:07:43.000 Richard Simmons.
02:07:44.000 Let's all do Richard Smith's workout.
02:07:45.000 Those are hard.
02:07:47.000 Those are hard workouts.
02:07:48.000 Why don't we get Wolf to give us...
02:07:49.000 Sweating to the oldies.
02:07:50.000 Why don't we get Wolf to give us a mobility workout?
02:07:53.000 That's not bad.
02:07:54.000 Or we can get Wolf to give us a different workout every day, and we have to do it.
02:07:59.000 But the problem with that is you guys are touring.
02:08:01.000 But you want something that...
02:08:03.000 This mobility stuff was also like...
02:08:06.000 I want to say, except for one part of it where we used kettlebells, it was all using your body.
02:08:11.000 You know what I mean?
02:08:11.000 I like the body stuff.
02:08:13.000 And all this stuff that you're like, holy shit, you feel your body working so hard.
02:08:17.000 And it was just the precursor to the workout.
02:08:20.000 It was pretty awesome.
02:08:21.000 I did Nate's workout once.
02:08:23.000 I saw him in Vegas.
02:08:24.000 He was at ScanFest one day.
02:08:25.000 No, Nate Bargazzi.
02:08:26.000 And he has a trainer on the road with him.
02:08:28.000 And he was like, he gave me the workout for the day.
02:08:30.000 I just did it with him.
02:08:30.000 And it was a lot of like, put your leg up on a thing and then dip, dips, dips, and then like walk across the gym with holding a weight, then do push-ups.
02:08:38.000 Farmer's walks, yeah.
02:08:39.000 It was tough.
02:08:40.000 It didn't get your 500 calories, but I was sore all over the next day.
02:08:44.000 That kind of farmer's walk shit, they say that's like one of the best workouts for your core.
02:08:48.000 Dude, farmer's walk.
02:08:48.000 You're supposed to do it in, you know what that is?
02:08:50.000 Where you hold weights and just walk around.
02:08:51.000 Yeah, you just walk around.
02:08:52.000 But they say the key is to actually hold it in one hand.
02:08:56.000 The key is to do one hand, one side, like a heavy weight on one side, because you have to compensate with the other side, and then you switch.
02:09:03.000 And then doing it with two, it's almost like you let the weights hang down, they balance each other out.
02:09:08.000 It actually makes it a little easier than doing it with one in each hand.
02:09:13.000 One all the way down, all the way back, push-ups, then the other all the way down, all the way back, push-ups.
02:09:17.000 Because you have to balance out that way, instead of the weights balancing you out.
02:09:20.000 Is there something that, like, And I say this, I wish I knew what I was saying, but like Keith Weber in like a, like the cool thing about push-ups is that I knew that I could just get out of bed and go do them.
02:09:34.000 I would like a squat push-up.
02:09:36.000 But that's what I'm alluding to for this mobility stuff, is getting one that is without weights.
02:09:41.000 Because somebody like him can design one that is challenging as fuck, but is without weights.
02:09:45.000 Also, if you can do it through the day, I was at Billy Joel, and I was with Sal and Justin Silver and Big J, and they're like, what the fuck are you doing?
02:09:53.000 I'm doing push-ups.
02:09:55.000 It's great.
02:09:55.000 It's great.
02:09:56.000 Like, I have to get these in.
02:09:57.000 You did them in the Roger Waters green room.
02:09:59.000 Yeah.
02:09:59.000 You just gotta get them in.
02:10:01.000 Yeah, I like that.
02:10:01.000 We're going to see Roger Waters and Ari's in there banging out his push-ups.
02:10:04.000 Can you get John Wolfe on the phone to talk about...
02:10:06.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:10:08.000 ...right now so that we can solidify it.
02:10:09.000 No, I don't want to call him right now.
02:10:10.000 I'll call him.
02:10:11.000 That's rude.
02:10:12.000 Call him.
02:10:13.000 Bring him into a podcast.
02:10:14.000 We'll talk about him afterwards.
02:10:16.000 We'll figure something out afterwards.
02:10:18.000 I think we have to announce it now.
02:10:21.000 We can come up with a thing right now.
02:10:24.000 I like body squats.
02:10:27.000 I only just recently started getting low on a body squat.
02:10:31.000 We can 100% get stuff to Ari.
02:10:34.000 If you want some kettlebells, we can ship you some kettlebells.
02:10:38.000 So we can have them there for you.
02:10:40.000 Dude, let's do it.
02:10:40.000 It has to be small.
02:10:42.000 Yeah, they can be real small.
02:10:43.000 Kettlebell, you know, like a 25-pound kettlebell is like that big.
02:10:45.000 I can store those somewhere.
02:10:46.000 And that's a good weight.
02:10:47.000 I have no space.
02:10:48.000 Like, it sounds like a lightweight, but it's really not.
02:10:50.000 Like, if you do, like, all that bodyweight stuff with a 25-pound kettlebell, like that guy, Keith Weber, he has his extreme cardio kettlebell workouts.
02:11:00.000 Six-minute workouts, one of the best workouts I've ever done.
02:11:02.000 I'll tell you as the weakest member of this group.
02:11:03.000 Thank you.
02:11:04.000 Go!
02:11:06.000 He's happy you admitted that.
02:11:07.000 Go smaller than what people say and just do it.
02:11:10.000 Everyone's like, ah, do 25. Like, do 10 and just get it done.
02:11:13.000 You'll be completely worn out and you're still getting it done.
02:11:17.000 Doing too much, that's when your knee gets injured.
02:11:19.000 Yeah, don't go too hard too quick.
02:11:21.000 Especially if you don't have experience with exercise.
02:11:24.000 It's really important to build up slow.
02:11:26.000 You gotta get better the same way you got sick.
02:11:28.000 Warm up anyway.
02:11:29.000 Warming up is...
02:11:30.000 Warming up's the fucking key.
02:11:32.000 Can I tell you the silliest thing?
02:11:34.000 I had a moment of a...
02:11:35.000 Ari's banging out push-ups.
02:11:37.000 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. He looks like a Popeye cartoon.
02:11:46.000 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15,
02:12:02.000 15, 15, 15. You got fifteen.
02:12:07.000 Push it, push it.
02:12:08.000 Fifteen.
02:12:09.000 You got one more.
02:12:09.000 You got one more.
02:12:10.000 Sixteen.
02:12:10.000 One more in ya.
02:12:11.000 Sixteen.
02:12:11.000 Big breath.
02:12:12.000 Sixteen.
02:12:12.000 And then rest at the bottom.
02:12:14.000 Sixteen.
02:12:14.000 Rest at the bottom.
02:12:15.000 And then throw yourself up.
02:12:17.000 Fifteen and a quarter.
02:12:18.000 Nice.
02:12:19.000 Alright, here we go.
02:12:20.000 That's pretty strong.
02:12:21.000 Uh-oh.
02:12:21.000 Considering like you were at six, right?
02:12:23.000 The record's four.
02:12:24.000 Jesus.
02:12:24.000 What was the first, when you started out, what'd you start off at?
02:12:26.000 Six the first time, and then I got wobble arms, and then it was four after that.
02:12:30.000 I got a P2. What's he doing?
02:12:31.000 I got a fist, I got a fist.
02:12:32.000 Oh, okay.
02:12:34.000 Fuck.
02:12:37.000 Everybody, tune into your mom's house every Monday for exciting new content and Garth Brooks shit-a-thons.
02:12:43.000 Monday's is Two Bears, One Cave.
02:12:45.000 Two Bears, One Cave is every Monday.
02:12:46.000 Where your mom says every Wednesday.
02:12:48.000 Trying to get Bert Drew on tomorrow morning.
02:12:49.000 We will see.
02:12:51.000 The Danny Brown Show is on Tuesdays.
02:12:52.000 Start with my episode of the Danny Brown Show.
02:12:55.000 It's exciting, just like the Kumya show we were talking about before.
02:12:57.000 Crazy fun green screens.
02:12:58.000 It's like old school, fucking Adult Swim style.
02:13:01.000 There you go.
02:13:02.000 Danny Brown Show, he gets after it.
02:13:03.000 Dr. Drew on Thursdays.
02:13:05.000 It's all there at the YMH YouTube channel.
02:13:07.000 Dude, so that was 15?
02:13:08.000 That was my record.
02:13:09.000 Don't you want to keep going though?
02:13:10.000 I don't mean right now.
02:13:11.000 I mean like through the next month.
02:13:13.000 Yeah, I do.
02:13:13.000 You got to keep going.
02:13:14.000 I do.
02:13:14.000 Yeah, you're going to be, dude.
02:13:16.000 I'll tell you when you, you probably have this, when people go, hey, you're looking better.
02:13:20.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:13:20.000 And you're like, oh, that's nice.
02:13:22.000 When they can't help but say something.
02:13:24.000 That's a nice motivation.
02:13:25.000 Skin's cleaner.
02:13:26.000 Yeah.
02:13:27.000 I know because here's the thing.
02:13:28.000 You don't want to let that go.
02:13:29.000 Right.
02:13:30.000 The fact that when people haven't seen you in a while, they're like, damn, dude.
02:13:32.000 Oh, you must get that.
02:13:33.000 You lost, what, 130?
02:13:38.000 No.
02:13:38.000 Since April, 32. Dude.
02:13:41.000 Yeah.
02:13:41.000 You're on a level of, right now, 205. I know.
02:13:45.000 It's crazy.
02:13:46.000 2003 was the last time I weighed that.
02:13:48.000 That's nutty.
02:13:49.000 That's crazy.
02:13:50.000 I can't believe how fucking fat I got.
02:13:51.000 When I saw you...
02:13:53.000 The first time I went to your new studio.
02:13:55.000 Yeah.
02:13:55.000 And I didn't know.
02:13:56.000 I'm kind of off social media, so I didn't see posts or anything.
02:13:59.000 And you're just like, as soon as you see it, you're like, whoa, dude!
02:14:02.000 Yeah.
02:14:02.000 You're vastly different.
02:14:03.000 And that was before all this.
02:14:05.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:14:05.000 That was probably 25 pounds ago, 30 pounds ago.
02:14:07.000 That's just being, just trying.
02:14:10.000 Just trying a little.
02:14:11.000 It's all stuff that you should, you know what it is?
02:14:12.000 What?
02:14:13.000 It's that we all do things like for a little bit and then you kind of go, it's just being consistent.
02:14:17.000 Be mindful about this is what I do.
02:14:18.000 Just being consistent with it, yeah.
02:14:19.000 Not eating like an asshole.
02:14:21.000 Yeah.
02:14:22.000 Working out regularly.
02:14:24.000 There are these guys in my building next door to me and they were all pitchers at Harvard two years ago.
02:14:28.000 Yeah.
02:14:28.000 And you see them go to the laundry room with their shirts off because they're washing everything and you're like, God damn it, you're fucking ripped.
02:14:33.000 Ripped.
02:14:33.000 Oh, thank you.
02:14:34.000 That's rad.
02:14:35.000 I'm not that ripped.
02:14:38.000 How many do you think I can do right now?
02:14:39.000 I think you can do your 40. I don't know.
02:14:42.000 Are you going to do it?
02:14:43.000 Oh, wow.
02:14:43.000 I got 15. I'm so fucking stoked.
02:14:46.000 You'll be able to feel right away whether you can do it.
02:14:48.000 Probably.
02:14:49.000 Do it.
02:14:50.000 Do it naked.
02:14:51.000 I don't think you need to be naked.
02:14:52.000 Don't do it naked.
02:14:53.000 Bert, what are you doing?
02:14:53.000 Keep that shirt on.
02:14:54.000 It's for propaganda.
02:14:55.000 It's extra weight.
02:14:57.000 Just getting on my knees.
02:14:59.000 Yeah.
02:15:00.000 You're used to it.
02:15:03.000 Here he goes.
02:15:05.000 All right.
02:15:10.000 Count them out, Joe.
02:15:12.000 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,
02:15:28.000 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33...
02:15:42.000 By the way, none of those count.
02:15:44.000 None of those are legit.
02:15:45.000 Not a single one.
02:15:46.000 Not a single one was legitimate.
02:15:48.000 Oh, come on.
02:15:49.000 All of them were half push-ups.
02:15:51.000 No, I was happy for you.
02:15:52.000 Oh, fuck you guys.
02:15:53.000 No, I was happy for you.
02:15:54.000 I was counting.
02:15:55.000 None of them were legit.
02:15:58.000 You barely doubled me.
02:16:00.000 No, I just stopped because I'm not going to do the, oh, those are real push-up game.
02:16:04.000 I don't think they're real.
02:16:05.000 It's a fun game.
02:16:08.000 I thought your push-ups were legit, Ari.
02:16:10.000 Let's see a Joe Rogan push-up.
02:16:11.000 Let's see a Joe Rogan push-up.
02:16:13.000 I don't want to hurt myself.
02:16:14.000 Just don't go for 100. Just do a...
02:16:16.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.
02:16:18.000 It better be...
02:16:19.000 Wait, for real, mine didn't look real?
02:16:25.000 No, it looked real.
02:16:27.000 How far down is a push-up?
02:16:28.000 Is it here?
02:16:29.000 It's your belly, I thought.
02:16:30.000 No, you didn't go to your belly, son.
02:16:32.000 I know.
02:16:32.000 How far down?
02:16:33.000 What are we agreeing on?
02:16:34.000 Do a real push-up.
02:16:35.000 This is a real one.
02:16:40.000 It's real.
02:16:41.000 I'll count it.
02:16:41.000 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 22, 3, 4, 5,
02:16:57.000 6, 7, 8, 9, 40. He's gonna get crazy now.
02:17:15.000 Alright, you're good man.
02:17:26.000 He's gotta do 66. That was brain.
02:17:31.000 Alright, 70. 70, keep going.
02:17:46.000 How many was that?
02:17:47.000 75. 75 push-ups.
02:17:49.000 Wow.
02:17:50.000 75. Pretty impressive.
02:17:54.000 Tucker Carlson can't do that.
02:17:57.000 I didn't hurt myself.
02:17:59.000 I was legitimately worried.
02:18:01.000 For real?
02:18:02.000 Yeah, I was going to go too far.
02:18:06.000 75 is a lot.
02:18:09.000 Good job, Joe.
02:18:10.000 Thanks.
02:18:14.000 You can't talk to breathe.
02:18:16.000 No one can breathe after they do push-ups.
02:18:18.000 Wow, dude.
02:18:19.000 75, bro.
02:18:21.000 Way to go.
02:18:21.000 75 push-ups is impressive.
02:18:23.000 Fucking shit.
02:18:27.000 Now it's time for old Tommy two dips.
02:18:30.000 I gotta do push-ups too?
02:18:31.000 Yeah, but Tommy has a real issue.
02:18:33.000 Yeah, moves back.
02:18:34.000 Tell everybody your issue.
02:18:36.000 I got this...
02:18:37.000 Some dude came on his back.
02:18:38.000 Some guy came on my back.
02:18:40.000 No, I went to see my nerve doctor for my arm, and he noticed that the left side of my back has atrophied, you know?
02:18:51.000 And so I thought it was related to the injury and recovering.
02:18:56.000 Because when I was injured, obviously you didn't do anything.
02:18:58.000 So then you come back and I've been active since then.
02:19:01.000 But I have pain a lot of times in my arm or in my lats and weird pains in my shoulder.
02:19:07.000 So I'm like, yeah, it's all related to recovering from this injury.
02:19:12.000 So he saw me do a push-up without a shirt on.
02:19:15.000 He's like, the right side of your back is fully developed, and you can see that the left side is not.
02:19:22.000 And he said that we have to verify it, that it's...
02:19:27.000 Homosexuality?
02:19:29.000 Homosexuality, but it's also related to what he thinks is nerve compression originating from the spine, but unrelated to my injury.
02:19:36.000 So that the nerve is not firing.
02:19:38.000 It was always there?
02:19:38.000 It might have not been unrelated.
02:19:40.000 The way you fell, you could have easily hurt that in the process.
02:19:44.000 You're right, and it could be that.
02:19:46.000 But wait, so what does it do?
02:19:47.000 Well, it's just that everything's not firing as well on the left side.
02:19:52.000 So there's less muscle development in my back.
02:19:56.000 Things that are painful, like lat pull-downs at a certain weight, you know, I can feel it.
02:20:01.000 Oh, for real?
02:20:02.000 Oh, yeah.
02:20:02.000 Did you get an MRI? I'm getting one.
02:20:05.000 Do you do workouts around it?
02:20:08.000 No.
02:20:09.000 What they told me, because I've been doing it for a while now, is just to be mindful of if something hurts, sometimes you go, I'll just keep going.
02:20:17.000 Dial it back.
02:20:18.000 Don't get injured.
02:20:20.000 It was bizarre.
02:20:20.000 He showed it to us.
02:20:21.000 You could literally see it.
02:20:24.000 I can still do push-ups, but you just feel it differently.
02:20:28.000 With weight, I definitely had different weights.
02:20:30.000 I heard a doctor at a Something, not my doctor, but he said the problem with a lot of people in their 40s and 50s is they don't have explosive strength, but they still have explosive movements.
02:20:42.000 Oh, interesting.
02:20:43.000 It's called...
02:20:47.000 Deconditioned athletes.
02:20:49.000 Oh.
02:20:49.000 Yeah, nobody's 75 jumps up a stair, jumps down eight stairs.
02:20:53.000 I gotta give Tate Fletcher props for that.
02:20:56.000 He was talking about us being athletic and thinking that we could still do this shit.
02:21:01.000 We tried to do this grouse grounder.
02:21:03.000 And Tate was like, no, you guys are deconditioned athletes.
02:21:06.000 Because you did it when you were younger, you think you can always do it, and that's why you go out and do it.
02:21:11.000 But you can't do it.
02:21:12.000 You're an old man.
02:21:15.000 That's how you get hurt.
02:21:16.000 Coffee?
02:21:17.000 Water.
02:21:18.000 Water.
02:21:20.000 It's interesting to me because with these push-ups, I realized for the first time...
02:21:26.000 I never realized I could get hurt until I got hurt.
02:21:30.000 You know what I mean?
02:21:30.000 You didn't know?
02:21:31.000 No, I didn't know you could get hurt.
02:21:33.000 I thought that's just like, oh, you just go back on there and try to jump as high as you can.
02:21:38.000 Isn't it funny watching a non-ethnic, somebody used to be, somebody in their 40s, A basketball goes up, and they're like, okay, I can shoot, and they shoot like, what's wrong with you?
02:21:49.000 Because you still remember the right form.
02:21:51.000 If you don't work your body out, it starts to fucking slip away, kids.
02:21:55.000 Dude, this has changed.
02:21:57.000 Our cameraman on our bus started listening to the way we were talking about doing push-ups, and the whole concept that if you are not lifting weights into your 50s, You are letting your body deteriorate.
02:22:10.000 Fucked him up.
02:22:11.000 And he was like, I don't want to be just some old man whose shoulders look like a coat hanger.
02:22:16.000 And he started doing push-ups and started working out and got through a ton of trauma from the way his brain worked in a gym.
02:22:23.000 Because gyms are not the most...
02:22:25.000 We're never the most welcoming environment for guys our age.
02:22:29.000 It wasn't like everyone was like, hey man, what are your pronouns?
02:22:31.000 Come in and try bench press.
02:22:33.000 It was like, fucking, come here, bitch.
02:22:35.000 Oh, he got pinned.
02:22:36.000 Leave him there.
02:22:37.000 Leave him there.
02:22:37.000 He figures it out for himself.
02:22:39.000 Fuck him, you know?
02:22:40.000 Really?
02:22:41.000 Where the fuck were you working out?
02:22:42.000 In Florida.
02:22:43.000 They let you get pinned under a bench press?
02:22:45.000 Yeah, bro.
02:22:46.000 Do you remember when we all bench press drunk?
02:22:48.000 Oh, yeah.
02:22:49.000 225. 225. It pinned you.
02:22:51.000 It pinned me, and it fucked me up.
02:22:54.000 It fucked me up.
02:22:55.000 You couldn't do it.
02:22:55.000 You couldn't do it either.
02:22:57.000 I did do it.
02:22:57.000 You don't remember it.
02:22:58.000 I did do it.
02:22:59.000 Hold on.
02:23:00.000 Do you remember that?
02:23:01.000 I have no memory of this.
02:23:02.000 You can ask him out there.
02:23:03.000 He was there, too.
02:23:04.000 Wait, when?
02:23:05.000 When we did it drunk.
02:23:07.000 I remember Joe did it and fucking hurt himself.
02:23:09.000 No.
02:23:10.000 No, I didn't.
02:23:10.000 You don't remember it well.
02:23:12.000 It wasn't in Austin.
02:23:13.000 It wasn't in Austin.
02:23:14.000 I did not hurt myself.
02:23:15.000 It was in L.A. It was in L.A. Listen.
02:23:19.000 No, no, no.
02:23:20.000 I 100% have already had some weird shit going on with my shoulder.
02:23:24.000 You don't remember it well.
02:23:24.000 I'm going to hurt myself.
02:23:25.000 You don't remember it.
02:23:26.000 I didn't hurt myself doing that.
02:23:26.000 Call that clip.
02:23:27.000 Joe Rogan making an excuse.
02:23:28.000 I know you don't remember it.
02:23:28.000 No, I did it easy.
02:23:30.000 I remember it to a T. You couldn't do it.
02:23:34.000 225. You couldn't do it.
02:23:35.000 I'll do it five times now.
02:23:36.000 Okay.
02:23:37.000 I busted out a rep.
02:23:42.000 I busted out one rep.
02:23:44.000 And even you were like, holy shit.
02:23:46.000 That's a lot.
02:23:46.000 And then he came out and he did nine reps.
02:23:48.000 I did way more than nine reps.
02:23:49.000 No, you did nine reps.
02:23:50.000 I did more than nine reps.
02:23:52.000 I did 12. That's what I could do.
02:23:53.000 Really?
02:23:54.000 That time?
02:23:55.000 100%, yeah.
02:23:56.000 I remember that.
02:23:57.000 Laura, you got pinned, right?
02:23:58.000 I remember that.
02:23:58.000 I was at 12. Literally, weed gives me no memory of any of this.
02:24:02.000 I don't even do it.
02:24:03.000 I don't even do it, but I remember doing it that day and oh now I know I could do 12 reps at 225. I thought I was 9. Drunk.
02:24:11.000 No, no, it was 12. Because I don't do it at all.
02:24:14.000 So it was weird to me that I, even though just through doing kettlebells, which it never gets heavier than 70 pounds, I still maintain strength to do 12 reps at 225. That's a lot.
02:24:23.000 That's a lot.
02:24:23.000 But now you can do it.
02:24:25.000 Yeah, I can.
02:24:27.000 I thought we all got pinned.
02:24:28.000 No.
02:24:29.000 I've been telling that story pretty long.
02:24:30.000 This is a lie.
02:24:31.000 You thought I got hurt.
02:24:31.000 Joe got hurt.
02:24:32.000 You never be the same again.
02:24:34.000 Do you remember him?
02:24:34.000 I remember you going like, I think I fucked my chest up.
02:24:36.000 I did a lot there.
02:24:37.000 I think I probably said I could have fucked my chest up because I'm a moron.
02:24:40.000 Yes, you did say that.
02:24:41.000 And I'm drunk, bench pressing.
02:24:42.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:24:43.000 Okay, then that's what I should have said.
02:24:44.000 And I don't bench press.
02:24:44.000 Because I remember saying I don't do this.
02:24:46.000 I'm going to see a bird story on video, and it starts with two screens.
02:24:50.000 One is bird story, one is what happened.
02:24:52.000 And they start the same for a while, and then the right side of the screen just starts shifting into a whole different dimension.
02:24:58.000 It might always be better.
02:24:59.000 It might always be better.
02:25:01.000 Facts.
02:25:01.000 Facts.
02:25:02.000 You could go bang out five reps right now?
02:25:03.000 Yeah.
02:25:04.000 Of 225?
02:25:05.000 Don't get hurt.
02:25:06.000 225. Pounds.
02:25:08.000 I don't know.
02:25:09.000 I can do 260, 255. Unfortunately, we have a gem right next door.
02:25:15.000 Oh, fuck.
02:25:16.000 That is unfortunate.
02:25:17.000 We're going to have to find out.
02:25:18.000 I think we're going to have to find out.
02:25:21.000 I love this, though.
02:25:23.000 This is what you want.
02:25:23.000 What are we going to find out?
02:25:23.000 What do we do?
02:25:24.000 Competing?
02:25:24.000 What's the worst that happens?
02:25:25.000 I get pinned again?
02:25:25.000 Are we competing?
02:25:26.000 We're not competing.
02:25:28.000 We're not competing.
02:25:28.000 Don't get into this.
02:25:29.000 We'll save this for the Talisker Cross-Atlantic Challenge.
02:25:32.000 Why do you have a similar reaction to me that I have to you?
02:25:36.000 Similar.
02:25:37.000 This is true.
02:25:37.000 It's very similar.
02:25:39.000 Yeah.
02:25:40.000 Why do you have that?
02:25:45.000 Yeah.
02:25:46.000 Why do you?
02:25:47.000 You fucking always pass the buck to other people.
02:25:49.000 I don't know.
02:25:49.000 I think I feel like...
02:25:52.000 I don't know.
02:25:54.000 I really don't know.
02:25:55.000 I should have been in therapy this entire fucking month.
02:25:57.000 I think you respond really well to genuinely being told you can't do something.
02:26:02.000 I love...
02:26:04.000 I think I'm magic.
02:26:10.000 And I feel like when you say I can't do it, I can't.
02:26:15.000 Well, I think that's the secret to your success, in a lot of ways, is that enthusiasm for these divine moments.
02:26:22.000 Like, legitimately divine moments.
02:26:24.000 A moment when you're fucking, we talked about this before, like, Bert's the guy, you give him a basketball, he never practices, he fucking swishes it from mid-court in front of 15,000 people, and everybody goes crazy.
02:26:35.000 Just like when you were on that show and you shot the fucking bullseye with an arrow.
02:26:39.000 You weren't practicing.
02:26:40.000 You just did it.
02:26:42.000 And so you have like a deep, almost like soulful, spiritual connection to those kind of moments.
02:26:49.000 That's what I love about...
02:26:50.000 That's what I love about...
02:26:52.000 Sports is like, there was always that dude that you never thought would do it, and he could.
02:26:57.000 John Daly.
02:26:58.000 Dude.
02:26:59.000 That's your guy.
02:27:00.000 He's the man.
02:27:00.000 That's your guy.
02:27:01.000 My guy.
02:27:01.000 John Daly, John Wells, David Wells.
02:27:03.000 I'm 100% the opposite of you in that.
02:27:05.000 Yes.
02:27:06.000 Because my thing is everybody is this weird beginner, but if you just fucking keep figuring it out, you can get to this wild place of excellence.
02:27:15.000 It could be Batman.
02:27:15.000 Where it's repeatable.
02:27:17.000 Where you could do it over and over and over again.
02:27:18.000 Whatever the thing is that you're trying to do really well.
02:27:20.000 You can get better at it.
02:27:21.000 If you don't fuck things up with your body, you don't fuck things up with your brain, you can get better at it to the point where you achieve a level of excellence.
02:27:28.000 And you never count on divine moments.
02:27:30.000 I do.
02:27:31.000 I know you do!
02:27:32.000 I love the divine moments.
02:27:33.000 But that's why you guys have this interesting...
02:27:35.000 That's the yin and the yang!
02:27:37.000 Yeah, you're both Chinese.
02:27:38.000 Yes.
02:27:39.000 It's interesting that, and I love that about you, because I never appreciated it before until I started following guys like David Goggins and those guys.
02:27:52.000 But there's something in my soul that fucks me up, and I just go, I'll do 100 miles.
02:27:59.000 I know there is.
02:28:01.000 You want to row across the fucking ocean with stupid Ari over here.
02:28:04.000 That's the thing that excites me more than anything in the world.
02:28:07.000 That's the thing.
02:28:08.000 That's the sauce where I go, yeah, man.
02:28:12.000 Don't you feel it the way I feel it?
02:28:13.000 I love the idea of...
02:28:16.000 When I see David Goggins, I think I connect probably mostly with those David Goggins, Cam Haynes guys.
02:28:24.000 I connect with that speech.
02:28:26.000 It hits me in the heart and I go, yeah, man, I haven't done shit in a while, but I can do that.
02:28:30.000 Everybody feels like that.
02:28:31.000 That's why those guys are so popular.
02:28:33.000 When you did that marathon, it was like, no one thought you could do it.
02:28:36.000 No one did.
02:28:37.000 I thought he could do it, 100%.
02:28:38.000 No way you did.
02:28:39.000 100% I did.
02:28:40.000 Bullshit.
02:28:40.000 I felt like if he runs five miles, which he was doing on a regular basis, he can run a marathon.
02:28:44.000 You just have to decide to do it.
02:28:46.000 Bullshit.
02:28:46.000 No way.
02:28:46.000 You thought exactly the opposite of that.
02:28:49.000 I thought he wasn't going to do it.
02:28:50.000 But I thought he could do it.
02:28:52.000 No way he thought you could do it.
02:28:54.000 You're welcome.
02:28:54.000 He sounds like a hater.
02:28:55.000 You're welcome.
02:28:56.000 Not a hater.
02:28:57.000 Realist.
02:28:59.000 He hated that you did do it.
02:29:02.000 Oh, I did hate it.
02:29:03.000 This goes against my whole world view.
02:29:04.000 You're supposed to work out to get things.
02:29:06.000 Not just fucking drink on a treadmill.
02:29:08.000 I did not hate it.
02:29:09.000 That's not the path to success.
02:29:11.000 Inaccurate.
02:29:11.000 That is defamatory.
02:29:13.000 And uncalled for.
02:29:15.000 When you know that my narrative has been nothing but the opposite.
02:29:19.000 Your Honor, I rest my case.
02:29:21.000 Joe is literally the most supportive guy for comedy and the least supportive of Burt's workout.
02:29:28.000 Wait a minute.
02:29:29.000 Listen, I just don't like to hear nonsense.
02:29:32.000 Don, I want to hear you're in great shape.
02:29:34.000 So put...
02:29:35.000 Settle the fuck down.
02:29:37.000 Like, I'm not in great shape.
02:29:40.000 No, but you are.
02:29:41.000 You're in ridiculous shape right now.
02:29:42.000 Pretty good shape.
02:29:43.000 Dude, your pictures were retarded.
02:29:45.000 The pictures you sent to us were like you were trying to fuck us.
02:29:48.000 I showed it to people.
02:29:49.000 I'm like, this seems like a Marvel green screen of a Photoshop.
02:29:53.000 I showed one to Leanne and she went like this.
02:29:56.000 She went, like a sound when a monkey falls out of a tree.
02:30:00.000 I was like, what?
02:30:01.000 It doesn't make any sense.
02:30:03.000 It's ridiculous, bro.
02:30:04.000 It makes no sense that a body could be like that.
02:30:06.000 I want to leak them so bad you have no idea.
02:30:08.000 Don't.
02:30:08.000 Be my friend.
02:30:09.000 I am your friend.
02:30:10.000 That's why I text you.
02:30:11.000 They were nuts.
02:30:12.000 They were nuts.
02:30:13.000 You're so fucking big and it's just, it's crazy.
02:30:17.000 Bodies can't do that.
02:30:18.000 They can if you just don't let it go.
02:30:20.000 That's the number one key is you never let it go.
02:30:23.000 You never let your body slip away to the point where you can't like Do you understand, though, how many brains feel like yours and how many brains feel like mine?
02:30:32.000 Yes, I do!
02:30:33.000 The majority of brains feel like mine.
02:30:35.000 I recognize your brain pattern as being interesting, too.
02:30:40.000 It's attractive.
02:30:41.000 I don't give a fuck.
02:30:42.000 We're here to party.
02:30:43.000 That's attractive, too.
02:30:44.000 But I feel like I would...
02:30:49.000 I like to, like, my goal next year is on the Fully Loaded Tour to get in shape where I can hit dingers one after another.
02:30:58.000 I want to hit, like, 15 home runs.
02:31:00.000 Dingers?
02:31:01.000 Oh, wow.
02:31:02.000 Oh, getting, like, real baseball shape.
02:31:04.000 He's playing baseball stadiums.
02:31:05.000 Yeah, I'm doing baseball stadiums, but I want to hit home run after home run after home run.
02:31:09.000 So someone throws a pitch in front of the whole crowd and you hit a home run and then you do your show.
02:31:14.000 No, no, no, no.
02:31:16.000 After the games, the teams really show up and do batting practice.
02:31:20.000 After the shows, you guys do batting practice?
02:31:22.000 Oh yeah, you guys shoot the videos.
02:31:24.000 Full loaded tour.
02:31:25.000 Coming next year to a fucking stadium near you.
02:31:27.000 That sounds amazing.
02:31:28.000 It's the funnest.
02:31:31.000 Hardcore Secret Time.
02:31:33.000 We're doing one in Austin.
02:31:35.000 And I would love for you guys to be a part of it.
02:31:37.000 When is that?
02:31:39.000 Okay, we'll talk.
02:31:42.000 I'm so bad at this.
02:31:45.000 Look at this.
02:31:47.000 No, that's not...
02:31:48.000 Wait, go to my fully loaded.
02:31:51.000 How good are you at baseball?
02:31:53.000 I'm pretty fucking amazing.
02:31:54.000 That was not a good point.
02:31:55.000 So when they throw fastballs at you, you get hit a fastball?
02:31:58.000 Of course, yeah.
02:31:59.000 I'm just asking.
02:31:59.000 You should have seen at the bachelor party, at Norman's bachelor party.
02:32:05.000 I'm doing it.
02:32:06.000 He comes in, and immediately he goes, Hey, Joe List, I saw your swing.
02:32:11.000 It's terrible.
02:32:11.000 It needs work.
02:32:12.000 Joe's like, what?
02:32:13.000 What the fuck's your problem, dude?
02:32:15.000 He's just antagonistic right from the start.
02:32:18.000 It's the way you deal with an athlete.
02:32:21.000 I played legit baseball.
02:32:22.000 I can tell you what's wrong with the swing.
02:32:24.000 Yeah, he's like, I can fix your swing.
02:32:27.000 You want a serious college baseball team?
02:32:29.000 Yeah, I got recruited by a bunch of colleges.
02:32:31.000 I got recruited by Citadel, Duke, went to play Florida State to walk on, and then within my first day, I was like, this isn't me.
02:32:40.000 They wanted me to catch a bullpen.
02:32:41.000 I just walked out left field fence.
02:32:42.000 Went back to Sally Hall, smoked a joint with Chili Willie, Chandler Perry, Paul Pizzo.
02:32:47.000 What happened to your baseball dreams?
02:32:49.000 I traded it for partying.
02:32:52.000 I actually legit traded it for partner.
02:32:54.000 So you were that good?
02:32:55.000 He makes $10 million a year by drinking.
02:32:56.000 I gotta be fair, and I only say this in the sense that you would be fair about this, I was not that good.
02:33:03.000 Meaning, I'm better than...
02:33:04.000 You were college good.
02:33:06.000 I was good enough to ride the bench in college.
02:33:09.000 Right.
02:33:09.000 So what's the point?
02:33:10.000 Yeah, and so I just saw the guy, I remember Coach Martin, I had a pledge pin on and he said, we can take that off right now.
02:33:18.000 You've got to play baseball or party.
02:33:20.000 And I remember legit going, I think I'm going to party.
02:33:23.000 Yeah, you know what, man?
02:33:24.000 That's the right approach.
02:33:25.000 Look, that's led you to being you.
02:33:27.000 The thing about athletes that I always tell this to fighters in particular, because I think it's the most dangerous of athletics other than football, right?
02:33:34.000 I say, if you're not obsessed with doing it, don't do it.
02:33:38.000 If you're not obsessed, because there's people out there that are going to be obsessed, and they're going to fuck you up.
02:33:43.000 They're going to fuck you up, those demons.
02:33:44.000 You see it with comedians all the time.
02:33:45.000 Yeah, if you're not obsessed with comedy, you're just bomb.
02:33:47.000 But you don't get brainwashed.
02:33:49.000 I'm obsessed with fucking comedy.
02:33:51.000 Or you'll see a comic who goes, yeah, I took a year off to write a book.
02:33:54.000 I'm back now.
02:33:55.000 And you're like, oh, no, you're not.
02:33:56.000 Yeah.
02:33:57.000 What's more?
02:33:58.000 Yeah, I am.
02:33:59.000 Yeah, I do.
02:34:00.000 The thing about sports for me is, I say this respectfully.
02:34:05.000 You see Jake Paul fight, right?
02:34:08.000 Jake Paul.
02:34:08.000 His name's Jake, and he's a great fighter.
02:34:14.000 Beat Anderson Silva.
02:34:15.000 Knocked him down.
02:34:15.000 Yeah, he did.
02:34:16.000 It's wild as fuck.
02:34:16.000 I didn't see that one.
02:34:17.000 I couldn't believe it.
02:34:18.000 This weekend.
02:34:20.000 Knocked down Anderson Silva.
02:34:21.000 But you can't deny that the dude's fucking athletic as fuck.
02:34:24.000 He's got chops for sure.
02:34:25.000 But people size you up based on what they see you as the first time.
02:34:28.000 So they see you as a Disney guy, and then they go, you'll never be a fighter.
02:34:32.000 And then you go, okay, I'm also something else.
02:34:35.000 And they see Anderson Silva as the 24-year-old fighter and not the 45-year-old fighter.
02:34:39.000 And by the way, we should point something out.
02:34:41.000 Some people are trying to say that that fight was fixed because of the knockdown.
02:34:44.000 If you please, if you find that, there's a video where people are questioning.
02:34:47.000 I just want to explain to people.
02:34:48.000 This is what happened.
02:34:49.000 Anderson moved forward to Jake Paul and Jake Paul hit him with a sort of a stepping jab and caught him right on the chin.
02:34:57.000 And when he caught him on the chin, Anderson Silva was falling backwards and then he leans away from the right hand and he goes down.
02:35:05.000 No, no, no.
02:35:06.000 He was down from the punch.
02:35:07.000 But it looks like the right hand doesn't connect, and it doesn't connect.
02:35:09.000 But the left hand is what fucked him up.
02:35:11.000 That dude hits fucking hard.
02:35:14.000 And for anybody to say he doesn't hit hard because he's a YouTube star, if this guy was not a fucking YouTube star, and he was some dude who went out there and flatlined Tyron Woodley with one punch and just knocked down Anderson Silva in the fucking eighth round,
02:35:29.000 right?
02:35:30.000 Draw him right there!
02:35:31.000 Watch that, dude.
02:35:32.000 Come on, son.
02:35:33.000 Yeah.
02:35:34.000 Dropped him.
02:35:35.000 I mean, that is legit as fuck.
02:35:37.000 Anybody says it's not legit is crazy.
02:35:39.000 He cracked him.
02:35:40.000 He's a fighter.
02:35:41.000 He's got the gay back tattoo of a fighter.
02:35:43.000 Dude, he can fight.
02:35:45.000 He can fight.
02:35:45.000 Is he the best in the world?
02:35:46.000 No.
02:35:47.000 But is he getting better with every fight?
02:35:48.000 Yes.
02:35:49.000 Is he a 25-year-old guy who's a legit athlete?
02:35:52.000 He's 25?
02:35:52.000 Yes.
02:35:52.000 Here's the question, Joe.
02:35:54.000 Isn't he?
02:35:54.000 Is he 25?
02:35:55.000 He's gotta be.
02:35:56.000 Twenty-four!
02:35:57.000 Excuse me, he's twenty-four, he's younger.
02:35:59.000 Listen, if this is what he wants to do, this guy is making a fucking insane amount of money, and he fucking loves it, and he's beating people that everybody says he shouldn't be in the fucking ring with.
02:36:10.000 But is he, hang on.
02:36:13.000 Because I'm not an internet guy as much as you guys.
02:36:16.000 Is he making a ton of money?
02:36:17.000 I don't know.
02:36:18.000 He is on these fights.
02:36:20.000 I don't follow this shit.
02:36:20.000 Just ask me.
02:36:21.000 He is on these fights.
02:36:22.000 It's his promotion that put this together.
02:36:24.000 I don't know how successful it was, but that's his promotion.
02:36:27.000 That's my point.
02:36:27.000 Hold on.
02:36:28.000 That's my point.
02:36:28.000 A lot of people watched it.
02:36:29.000 I know that.
02:36:30.000 I know a lot of people are talking about it online.
02:36:32.000 But what money is he making?
02:36:32.000 Because Dana says he's not.
02:36:34.000 I don't know if Dana has access to the amount he's making.
02:36:38.000 I mean, I don't know if it's public.
02:36:40.000 I legitimately don't know.
02:36:42.000 I legitimately don't know.
02:36:43.000 But from what I understand, he's fucking the main seller of pay-per-view in these cards.
02:36:50.000 And these cards are doing pretty well.
02:36:51.000 So that means he's making some money.
02:36:53.000 Making some money.
02:36:53.000 You know, you be the judge of how much money he's making.
02:36:56.000 I'm just saying.
02:36:57.000 He's made $40 million from his three fights in 2021. Well, there you go.
02:37:01.000 He's made $40 million fighting.
02:37:03.000 I mean, he's probably making as much, if not more, than any other boxer alive other than maybe say Tyson Fury.
02:37:09.000 And then he just adds on his Instagram.
02:37:10.000 Or maybe Canelo Alvarez.
02:37:12.000 Canelo is making probably the most of anybody, right?
02:37:14.000 Canelo's got a crazy contract.
02:37:15.000 Canelo is the fucking king of the kings, right?
02:37:17.000 But he's out for a while now.
02:37:19.000 He had to get like a wrist surgery.
02:37:20.000 He had a fucked up...
02:37:22.000 Did he?
02:37:22.000 Yeah, he had a fucked up wrist.
02:37:23.000 And it might take many, many months for him to get back.
02:37:27.000 So it's like, other than him, it's like Tyson Fury's the next big dog, and maybe the biggest of big dogs if he's fighting Usyk, right?
02:37:34.000 He makes more than those guys.
02:37:36.000 He makes more than all those guys?
02:37:38.000 No, not more than, but in that range, right?
02:37:43.000 Canelo's number one.
02:37:45.000 Canelo's number one, because he's basically, people think he's, other than Bival who just beat him, but Bival beat him in a weight class above his.
02:37:51.000 He's the pound for pound most people think.
02:37:54.000 The fact that the guy had the balls to go all the way up to 75 and not just knock out Kovalev, who was a former champion, but then take on Bivol, who's undefeated, at the top of his game, and lose a decision to him.
02:38:04.000 That's not even his weight class.
02:38:05.000 Not even close, yeah.
02:38:06.000 No, I mean, he really was at his prime at like 54, you know?
02:38:10.000 And he just...
02:38:12.000 You're talking about Canelo?
02:38:14.000 Yes, dude.
02:38:14.000 Canelo's fucking phenomenal.
02:38:16.000 I don't follow enough of this.
02:38:17.000 So he's probably the number one pay-per-view draw, along with Tyson Fury.
02:38:21.000 I think Tyson Fury's like, whenever the heavyweights go, so does boxing.
02:38:24.000 That's like an old saying.
02:38:26.000 With Tyson Fury being the fucking king, he's so marketable, and he's so extraordinary.
02:38:32.000 And his accomplishments, the fact that he beat Deontay, everybody gets knocked out.
02:38:35.000 Knocked out by Deontay Wilder.
02:38:36.000 Crazy.
02:38:37.000 He's the only one who gets off the deck and beats him.
02:38:39.000 The power punching is fucking insane.
02:38:40.000 And then stops him in the third fight.
02:38:41.000 I mean, dude, Tyson Fury's a fucking monster.
02:38:44.000 One of the greatest heavyweights of all time.
02:38:46.000 Yeah.
02:38:46.000 Unquestionably.
02:38:47.000 Doesn't get the credit for it, though, really.
02:38:48.000 If he retires today, Tyson Fury goes down as one of the all-time greatest heavyweights.
02:38:53.000 He deserves to be mentioned with Joe Lewis and Mike Tyson.
02:38:56.000 Like, what would happen if those guys get together?
02:38:58.000 If he fought Lennox Lewis in his prime.
02:39:00.000 He's in that level.
02:39:01.000 Yeah.
02:39:01.000 6'9".
02:39:02.000 He's so good.
02:39:03.000 He's so big.
02:39:03.000 Because no one cares about boxing as much anymore.
02:39:05.000 It's not the case.
02:39:06.000 It's just like there has to be big fights.
02:39:08.000 The UFC has big fights constantly.
02:39:12.000 Constantly.
02:39:12.000 It's not as big as it was.
02:39:14.000 It was the only game in town before, and now UFC is the game in town.
02:39:17.000 I remember Dana White telling me, and it seemed unreasonable.
02:39:22.000 He goes, I want to be bigger than the NFL. And I was like, good luck, bro.
02:39:25.000 And he by far did it.
02:39:28.000 Hey, what's up with Dana White with the, hey, you'll be dead in five years.
02:39:33.000 Oh, he apparently went to some doctor who examined his lifestyle and Dana was overweight and he wasn't feeling well and he was having sleep apnea and all those different things.
02:39:43.000 And this doctor put him on a diet and exercise regime and said, listen, I've been really accurate about this kind of thing.
02:39:48.000 This is where this goes and this is nothing but bad news in the future if you don't make a radical change in your health and your lifestyle.
02:39:55.000 And so he started, basically he's kind of keto.
02:39:58.000 You know, like he cut out all the bullshit.
02:40:00.000 And look at him now.
02:40:01.000 He looks fucking great!
02:40:04.000 Jesus!
02:40:04.000 So he lost all this weight, got a six-pack now.
02:40:07.000 He looks so much different when you see him.
02:40:08.000 He's much healthier.
02:40:09.000 He feels much better.
02:40:10.000 He doesn't like drink wine at dinner and stuff?
02:40:13.000 I don't know.
02:40:13.000 You know, I haven't had dinner with him in a while.
02:40:15.000 Is he all carnivore now?
02:40:16.000 Is that what he's doing?
02:40:16.000 He's mostly eating like that kind of, you know, like mostly like ketogenic carnivore style.
02:40:23.000 Very low carbs, no bread, no bullshit, no pasta.
02:40:26.000 He's got something to eat.
02:40:26.000 Oh, hey.
02:40:27.000 You guys want to have dinner?
02:40:28.000 How long have we been doing?
02:40:30.000 Two and a half hours?
02:40:31.000 More.
02:40:31.000 Yeah, 245. You guys want to have dinner for real?
02:40:35.000 Ultimately, this was a lot of fun.
02:40:37.000 Hold on.
02:40:37.000 Hold on.
02:40:38.000 We have 15 more minutes of drinking.
02:40:39.000 But here's the thing about that.
02:40:40.000 I have a show at 830. For what?
02:40:43.000 No, the show at the Vulcan.
02:40:45.000 You're on it first?
02:40:45.000 Yeah, but you guys are on it.
02:40:46.000 Come on, bitches.
02:40:48.000 You're on it?
02:40:48.000 Let's go have fun.
02:40:49.000 Can I just tell you an apology to fans out there?
02:40:53.000 Earlier in my career here, I was going to the Vulcan, and I was like, this is a workout room.
02:40:57.000 And then I realized that Joe was paying us $1,000 to do a set.
02:41:02.000 And I had to rethink...
02:41:04.000 What I was doing, and I'm like, this is not a workout show just because at a bar.
02:41:08.000 This is a fucking show.
02:41:09.000 And the last time, last two times, I was like, I'm going to bring it, guys.
02:41:12.000 And I apologize.
02:41:13.000 Shut the fuck up, Rory.
02:41:15.000 I owe Tommy and fucking Jesus Christ.
02:41:18.000 Jesus Christ.
02:41:21.000 Yeah, it's a real club.
02:41:23.000 You know, it's great.
02:41:24.000 These shows have been great.
02:41:25.000 They've been doing it with Bryan Simpson, David Lucas, and William Montgomery is on tonight.
02:41:30.000 Ron White was on the other night.
02:41:32.000 Tim Dillon's on tonight, too.
02:41:34.000 It's gonna be fun.
02:41:35.000 Tim Dillon's here?
02:41:36.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:41:36.000 Tim Dillon's doing tonight and tomorrow.
02:41:38.000 I gotta say this.
02:41:39.000 Tim Dillon is on the new episode of Something's Burning.
02:41:42.000 And it is.
02:41:43.000 It's so funny.
02:41:44.000 It is the fuck.
02:41:45.000 He's such an elitist for food.
02:41:47.000 He's one of the funniest guys alive.
02:41:49.000 He's genuinely one of the best.
02:41:51.000 He's one of my all-time favorites already.
02:41:53.000 I love him to death.
02:41:55.000 He's so wild.
02:41:56.000 I would love nothing more than anything.
02:42:00.000 I would love to shit on a comic.
02:42:02.000 You know, it's the funnest thing we do behind everyone's back.
02:42:05.000 The funnest thing ever is to tell everyone how great someone is.
02:42:09.000 Tim Dillon is the greatest dude that's ever been on any podcast ever, including all of us.
02:42:15.000 That guy fucking murders.
02:42:18.000 This is what he's the best at of all time, ranting with a producer listening and him just going on rants, wears sunglasses.
02:42:26.000 That's like his drug.
02:42:27.000 This is how he's on drugs.
02:42:28.000 He just puts sunglasses on and he goes into the fucking fog world and his eyes roll behind his head.
02:42:33.000 It's the best guest you can ever have because you just lob one up.
02:42:35.000 Did we post a clip of him on Something's Burning?
02:42:40.000 Hold on, it's my favorite one.
02:42:41.000 Did I show you my favorite one, right?
02:42:43.000 I showed you my favorite.
02:42:45.000 I'm so glad you have control of that show back.
02:42:47.000 Oh, it's so nice.
02:42:48.000 To be able to do it your way.
02:42:49.000 It's so nice.
02:42:50.000 It's such a fun, good show, and people are seeing it now.
02:42:55.000 It's getting a million views.
02:42:57.000 You have to do things on your own.
02:42:59.000 You have to.
02:43:01.000 Oh, okay.
02:43:01.000 Hold on, hold on.
02:43:02.000 That is my favorite.
02:43:03.000 Go back to one of the most embarrassing clips of all time.
02:43:05.000 Of me crying, dropping my daughter to college.
02:43:07.000 What a dork.
02:43:09.000 Go back.
02:43:10.000 I was showing my face change.
02:43:14.000 In...
02:43:14.000 This is Tommy getting measured.
02:43:15.000 Sorry, Tom.
02:43:16.000 Look at that loser.
02:43:17.000 Go to the...
02:43:17.000 That's how skinny my face is compared to how fat it was.
02:43:23.000 Wow.
02:43:23.000 I look like a different person, right?
02:43:24.000 That's pretty crazy.
02:43:25.000 Alright, can you play the audio to this?
02:43:27.000 Hold on.
02:43:28.000 Ladies and gentlemen, this is my favorite Tim Dillon thing he's ever said.
02:43:31.000 Okay.
02:43:32.000 Make a meal for me to save my life or I'll shoot you if it's okay.
02:43:34.000 Make a meal for you that's something that I feel like you would like.
02:43:39.000 I make...
02:43:41.000 A specialty I call Percocet pudding.
02:43:46.000 That was good.
02:43:47.000 That wasn't it, by the way.
02:43:49.000 That wasn't it.
02:43:50.000 My favorite one is Whitney saying, I've had a fucking...
02:43:56.000 Goddammit, this is...
02:43:58.000 Should we find it?
02:43:59.000 I'm going to send it to you real quick.
02:44:01.000 It's so fucking good.
02:44:03.000 Tim Dillon is just fucking genius.
02:44:07.000 Yeah, he's great.
02:44:08.000 He's a national treasure.
02:44:10.000 Dude, I gotta tell you, I saw a Whitney set before she filmed.
02:44:13.000 I saw her at the Paramount.
02:44:14.000 It was really fucking funny, man.
02:44:16.000 She's fucking awesome.
02:44:18.000 She's caught her stride.
02:44:19.000 Whatever her stride is, she's so loose.
02:44:22.000 And she has so many fans now.
02:44:23.000 So people that are coming to see her are fans.
02:44:26.000 She doesn't give a fuck anymore.
02:44:27.000 Dude, she was so loose.
02:44:29.000 It was so fun to watch, man.
02:44:31.000 It was like, damn, like...
02:44:33.000 It's fun to watch people just come into their own, just become comfortable up there, just real loose.
02:44:39.000 The person that you know that makes you laugh at the back bar is the same person on stage.
02:44:43.000 That's when it's magic.
02:44:44.000 That really is.
02:44:45.000 The thing about Whitney that is great about her now is that she feels like she's doing jazz with her comedy.
02:44:52.000 Meaning, the thing that's beautiful about Chappelle Is that it's all jazz.
02:44:56.000 He is jazz.
02:44:56.000 It's just jazz.
02:44:57.000 And when you get someone like Whitney, who's a brilliant writer and a really great performer, to watch them get so comfortable into their act to get into jazz with it, that's when it's fucking beautiful.
02:45:07.000 It is, uh, hold on, I'm getting it for you.
02:45:10.000 It is my favorite thing.
02:45:11.000 My comedy's more like hair rock.
02:45:13.000 That's what I'm going for.
02:45:14.000 I'm going for poison.
02:45:20.000 I remember when I was a kid.
02:45:21.000 My great ideas that I followed.
02:45:23.000 Okay, this is it.
02:45:24.000 How did you find this?
02:45:25.000 How did you fucking find this?
02:45:26.000 That's what I do.
02:45:27.000 That's what he does.
02:45:28.000 Goddammit.
02:45:28.000 This is the hardest I've laughed ever doing Something's Burning.
02:45:33.000 Okay.
02:45:34.000 Why don't you start Methadone?
02:45:37.000 Because it's a great way to reclaim your life.
02:45:40.000 And so I was like, oh, if you guys all move to Texas, great.
02:45:44.000 I have all this land because I have money from all my great ideas that I follow through with.
02:45:49.000 One idea!
02:45:52.000 One idea that was kind of yours.
02:45:56.000 And other people's too.
02:46:00.000 And China.
02:46:01.000 One idea!
02:46:03.000 One idea.
02:46:08.000 All you need is one good idea.
02:46:15.000 Ari wants it too.
02:46:16.000 I'm just gonna let you guys think that's where I've made most of my money.
02:46:20.000 I would love to.
02:46:22.000 I would love to.
02:46:23.000 Alright, cut it out.
02:46:24.000 Cut it out.
02:46:24.000 I look red as fuck.
02:46:25.000 This is my blood pressure.
02:46:27.000 Jesus, you do.
02:46:27.000 I know, I know, I know.
02:46:29.000 So, what is the comfortable medium between hardcore partying Burt and Burt that is gonna live for a long time?
02:46:36.000 You tell me.
02:46:37.000 You said to me a long time ago.
02:46:38.000 Twice a week heavy drinking.
02:46:39.000 Once a week normal.
02:46:39.000 Long time ago we walked into the store and you said this.
02:46:42.000 You've said a few things to me that...
02:46:45.000 You get Joe Rogan and then you get Joe Rogan as a friend where you do your eyes shift and you go, hey man, you got to stop drinking.
02:46:51.000 And I went, that's never going to happen.
02:46:53.000 So you tell me, what's the medium?
02:46:56.000 Because I'm not going to stop drinking.
02:46:57.000 I like this.
02:46:58.000 I like this energy.
02:46:59.000 Well, and you also are, unfortunately or fortunately, you are spreading mad joy to the world with that activity.
02:47:07.000 Dude.
02:47:08.000 Right?
02:47:08.000 So it's kind of connected in some sort of a way.
02:47:10.000 But the key is like, how do you balance it out?
02:47:13.000 And how to like, what did we get out of this month?
02:47:15.000 And I think we got something out of this month.
02:47:17.000 And one thing that we all got is, if you are forced to do a hard workout every day, your anxiety becomes almost nothing.
02:47:24.000 Yeah.
02:47:24.000 You think it's working out, not the lack of booze and weed?
02:47:27.000 No, I guarantee you, it's the working out.
02:47:30.000 Really?
02:47:31.000 Interesting.
02:47:31.000 It burns out that part of your body that is worried about threats.
02:47:36.000 Like, if you think about the actual amount of exterior threats that become significant in your life, it's fairly low.
02:47:42.000 But all your life, you're, like, dealing with the fucking news of the world, and this and that, and this guy's got cancer, and he's afraid of that, and she's afraid of this, and everyone's on a medication, and there's all this chaos.
02:47:55.000 There's this always like this external thing and crime is up and look at all the tents and fucking traffic is all the fucking global warming and everything's happening and everybody's fucking stressed whether you need to be or not and the only thing that gets you out of that in my experience is something that you have to do that's hard because when things are hard you can only think about the thing you're doing.
02:48:17.000 So whether it's rowing or whether it's riding a fucking airdyne or whether it's doing a kettlebell circuit, when it's hard to do, you only think about the thing you're doing.
02:48:25.000 And it clears your mind and it releases your body of a certain amount of pent-up anxiety that it associates with physical conflict.
02:48:35.000 Your body associates stress with being attacked by predators, with physical conflict.
02:48:40.000 And if you can burn that out of your system with a workout, it puts you into a more reasonable level of anxiety.
02:48:47.000 I'm much calmer.
02:48:47.000 I'm much better with it.
02:48:50.000 It's really good for us.
02:48:51.000 It's just hard to do every day like we did it.
02:48:54.000 But because we all did it, we know right now, because we are at the end of it, that it's got wild benefits.
02:49:00.000 It really does.
02:49:01.000 Wild benefits, man.
02:49:03.000 Keep it going through November.
02:49:04.000 I do 500 calories every day.
02:49:07.000 I'm going to do 500 every fucking day.
02:49:08.000 That's unrealistic.
02:49:10.000 500 every day is unrealistic.
02:49:12.000 It's not.
02:49:13.000 What is realistic to you?
02:49:14.000 Three days a week is still hard.
02:49:16.000 No, no, no, not for me.
02:49:18.000 Listen, I think we can all commit.
02:49:20.000 Why don't you commit to five days a week?
02:49:22.000 Five days a week.
02:49:23.000 If we commit to five days a week.
02:49:24.000 Travel days are so hard.
02:49:25.000 Yeah, but that's the whole point.
02:49:27.000 No, that's the point.
02:49:27.000 But you did it.
02:49:28.000 But you did it already.
02:49:29.000 And we all did it.
02:49:30.000 I'm in, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in.
02:49:32.000 It wasn't that hard.
02:49:34.000 It wasn't that hard.
02:49:34.000 Five days a week.
02:49:35.000 It was difficult, right?
02:49:36.000 Seven days a week.
02:49:36.000 It was difficult.
02:49:37.000 Challenging at times.
02:49:38.000 But it wasn't that hard.
02:49:39.000 Yeah.
02:49:39.000 Not impossible.
02:49:40.000 If you took just push-ups out.
02:49:42.000 Yeah.
02:49:43.000 But I mean, at least you're on a beach somewhere on a vacation.
02:49:45.000 It's like, ugh, I gotta do fucking an hour right now.
02:49:46.000 Here's the thing about the push-ups.
02:49:47.000 I wonder if we're ultimately, like, putting ourselves at risk.
02:49:51.000 I think the 500 calories is the most important thing.
02:49:53.000 I think that's the most important thing.
02:49:54.000 Yeah, I agree.
02:49:54.000 The thing about the 100 push-ups is, like, we all did it, but I was getting...
02:49:58.000 Getting a weird fucking pain in my elbow.
02:49:59.000 I couldn't hold my phone to my ear.
02:50:01.000 I just keep switching hands.
02:50:02.000 But that was in the beginning because you didn't work out at all.
02:50:04.000 So you jumped into it.
02:50:05.000 Where I was already doing sets of push-ups.
02:50:08.000 But I wasn't doing 100 every single fucking day.
02:50:10.000 But I didn't think you could.
02:50:12.000 And then your body adapts.
02:50:14.000 Like your body realizes you have to.
02:50:15.000 I guess you have to.
02:50:16.000 You fucking do it every day.
02:50:17.000 And for me it was like as long as I didn't do long sets.
02:50:20.000 I only did sets of 20. And only one time I did 40. I was like, oh, I could do 40. 75, dude.
02:50:25.000 I thought 40...
02:50:26.000 75's pretty legit, buddy.
02:50:28.000 I wonder if I warmed up if I could do more.
02:50:30.000 I bet.
02:50:30.000 That's a problem.
02:50:31.000 Yeah, you could.
02:50:32.000 But I think four or five of the last ones were bullshit.
02:50:36.000 At least four.
02:50:37.000 Yeah, that's kind of...
02:50:38.000 32 of mine were pretty legit.
02:50:40.000 I got to some weird spot where I was like, I would call bullshit on that push-up.
02:50:45.000 Interesting.
02:50:46.000 Interesting enough.
02:50:47.000 But you realize that your body's capable more than you ask for it.
02:50:50.000 Totally.
02:50:51.000 Your body's capable of much more.
02:50:53.000 I'm shocked at what I call bullshit.
02:50:55.000 I wouldn't be shocked at all.
02:50:57.000 I know exactly.
02:50:58.000 You lurked in the back of my mind.
02:51:01.000 You live there.
02:51:02.000 Let Burt drive you to success.
02:51:03.000 Yeah, if Burt fucking challenges me in any way, it just fucking ignites a fury inside of me.
02:51:08.000 If we had only got into this on stand-up, we'd be so much better.
02:51:11.000 Oh yeah, there's like two seven sets a day.
02:51:13.000 I wish I saw your stand-up the way I see your exercise.
02:51:17.000 Can we do that once?
02:51:19.000 My exercise is in stains.
02:51:20.000 Do five sets a day for five days a week?
02:51:23.000 That is possible, but we all have families and shit.
02:51:27.000 I think what we do is we do a fucking two-week, three-week run of just on the road, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, What?
02:51:39.000 And we just go straight.
02:51:40.000 Hard.
02:51:41.000 Three weeks in, like, fucking August.
02:51:42.000 I don't like doing that, though.
02:51:43.000 I'm going to be honest with you.
02:51:44.000 This is the thing that I don't like.
02:51:46.000 I don't like touring for long stretches of time.
02:51:47.000 That's what's kept me sane over the years.
02:51:50.000 It's like, I need, like, for me personally, I need, like, a balance of, like, being at home.
02:51:54.000 You've got to be able to think of ideas.
02:51:55.000 And being on the road for fun.
02:51:55.000 No, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:51:56.000 When I do shows, I love to do shows around Austin, and I love to do shows on the road, but I like to do a weekend, and I like to come back home.
02:52:02.000 Because I feel like, for me, there's a balance that you have to achieve with being a normal person and also being a comic.
02:52:08.000 You need something to draw from.
02:52:09.000 Tom and I feel the same way.
02:52:10.000 That's why he's coming all over Europe and Australia, and I'm there in Australia and Europe.
02:52:13.000 Changing Glasgow gigs to a massive theater, because the first theater sold out!
02:52:18.000 We are the identical opposite.
02:52:22.000 You and me?
02:52:22.000 Yeah.
02:52:23.000 We go on the road hard as fuck.
02:52:25.000 Yeah, it's too much though.
02:52:27.000 I would not do what I did again.
02:52:31.000 Yeah, when I talked to you at your book thing in New York, and you were like, I have one week off.
02:52:37.000 I got offered succession for a week.
02:52:39.000 Now I don't have any time off.
02:52:40.000 It's just like, that seems frustrating.
02:52:42.000 I think this is the wrong way to do it.
02:52:43.000 You're wrong.
02:52:44.000 Okay.
02:52:45.000 You go hard.
02:52:47.000 You go fucking hard.
02:52:49.000 Dude, we're only alive for a little bit, and you get to fucking, fucking fill it up.
02:52:53.000 Yeah, but you gotta go on a skip trip.
02:52:54.000 I like other things, too.
02:52:56.000 I like a lot of other things, too.
02:52:59.000 And I think it makes my comedy better when I live my life in a way that makes other things interesting, too.
02:53:06.000 My take on it is different than your take on it.
02:53:08.000 It doesn't mean your take's wrong.
02:53:10.000 It's just that my take on it, for me...
02:53:11.000 I think it's completely unwise, what we're doing.
02:53:13.000 For me, to be mentally healthy, I don't like going on the road for long stretches of time.
02:53:18.000 I only did it one time, and I saw a big benefit in my stand-up.
02:53:21.000 When Charlie Murphy and John Heffron and I did this Maxim tour, 22 dates in a month, by the end of that 20-second show, you're killing it.
02:53:32.000 And then you're back.
02:53:33.000 Hold on.
02:53:34.000 Can I tell you my flip side of that?
02:53:37.000 Let's hypothetically say we're talking about a...
02:53:40.000 A comic who gets a Netflix special and only does like three weekends to get ready for a special, okay?
02:53:46.000 Okay, thank you, Ari.
02:53:48.000 But I feel like if I don't do everything in my capability to get ready for that special, then I'm letting down myself, my family, and everyone else.
02:54:01.000 And I feel like when it comes to stand-up, the one thing I can do good, right?
02:54:06.000 The only thing I can do good...
02:54:08.000 If I don't put everything I have into that, then I'm letting myself down, really.
02:54:15.000 You are in many ways.
02:54:17.000 Okay.
02:54:18.000 When you're done with that special, you take three months off.
02:54:21.000 Can't.
02:54:22.000 Okay.
02:54:23.000 That's not what you said.
02:54:24.000 I'm not that guy.
02:54:24.000 But here's what I'm saying.
02:54:25.000 Here's what I'm saying.
02:54:26.000 But don't you love the thing?
02:54:27.000 Don't you love baking?
02:54:29.000 If you're a baker, don't you love baking?
02:54:30.000 Yeah, you bake at home!
02:54:31.000 You live in L.A. You can do a set a night.
02:54:33.000 You can do ten sets a night.
02:54:33.000 This is my take on creativity, though.
02:54:36.000 I think creativity is like a flexible thing inside your head and I think you have to put yourself in the states of mind in order to like broaden expand the way you see life and that enhances your creativity and for me that that is a lot of shows But it's also a lot of shows at home.
02:54:55.000 I like to just like to do sets.
02:54:58.000 Especially when you're not the crux inside your audience.
02:55:01.000 But this is my take.
02:55:02.000 That's what he's saying.
02:55:03.000 Sets aren't sets.
02:55:05.000 That's what he's saying, is that for him, a set at home is better than a set on the road.
02:55:09.000 It's not necessarily better.
02:55:10.000 It's just the most important thing is your way of looking at the world and that you're actually doing stand-up.
02:55:16.000 Those are the two, in my opinion.
02:55:18.000 They're paying you to get on a plane.
02:55:19.000 They're not paying you to perform.
02:55:20.000 There's also a benefit to going to different places.
02:55:23.000 There's a benefit to different cities and different vibes and different parts of the world.
02:55:27.000 And there's a benefit to that, too.
02:55:29.000 But the biggest thing is to just always be working on it.
02:55:33.000 In some way, shape, or form.
02:55:34.000 So you don't have to do it only on the road.
02:55:36.000 I'm not the guy that...
02:55:38.000 Maybe I should have prefaced this with that if I'm home, I do feel like being with my family.
02:55:46.000 I can do it Tuesday night, but I'm not there Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
02:55:51.000 I want to live a life.
02:55:53.000 So that for me to go out and be on a tour bus and be on the road, and even if it's doing clubs or doing smaller venues, for me, I'm focused on the thing I love, and that's all I think about.
02:56:05.000 I don't think about it.
02:56:07.000 Dude, there's nothing wrong with that.
02:56:09.000 There's nothing wrong with that approach either.
02:56:11.000 It's like everybody's got their own personality and it vibes their own approach to what the fuck we're trying to do.
02:56:17.000 But what you're trying to do is just like constantly crank out really good comedy.
02:56:20.000 Yeah, how do you get there is fine.
02:56:22.000 Yeah, how do you get there?
02:56:23.000 Do you get there by doing 15 minutes around New York City like Attell does?
02:56:26.000 Because he fucking got there.
02:56:27.000 I don't know how he's doing it.
02:56:29.000 He's a fucking the best.
02:56:30.000 He is the best.
02:56:31.000 So he's doing it that way, and then there's other guys that are just on the road doing clubs, and you go out of your way to see them when they come into town, because you want to see what the fuck they're up to, because they're really good.
02:56:41.000 There's no right or wrong way to do this.
02:56:43.000 Can I suggest something?
02:56:44.000 Please.
02:56:45.000 I just want to say it before we get out of here.
02:56:47.000 I really think, it's on you guys, not on me, that in September, we should do some massive shows.
02:56:55.000 Joe and Tom will headline, Bert can MC all parked cars.
02:56:59.000 But let's do some fucking wild, massive shows leading into October.
02:57:04.000 Let's do some sober October shows.
02:57:05.000 Let's do them.
02:57:06.000 September is far enough away.
02:57:08.000 I gotta ask you two, I guess, especially.
02:57:10.000 The big one is me.
02:57:11.000 Can you clear September?
02:57:12.000 I have a week that I'm not clearing out.
02:57:14.000 In September?
02:57:15.000 Yeah, elk hunting season.
02:57:16.000 What week?
02:57:17.000 We'll talk about it.
02:57:18.000 We'll talk about it afterwards.
02:57:19.000 We'll figure it out.
02:57:19.000 But can we do that?
02:57:20.000 Yeah, we could do something.
02:57:21.000 I mean, we'll talk about it afterwards.
02:57:22.000 I don't want to put you guys on the spot.
02:57:24.000 We 100% could do something, and we could also do celebration in November.
02:57:27.000 We could do that, too.
02:57:28.000 We could do that.
02:57:28.000 We could do some fucking really fun, because I think, I think, and this is the fucking thing, like you get to a certain age, you're supposed to already figure things out.
02:57:36.000 I don't think that's real.
02:57:37.000 I think you're figuring out life more every single day you're alive.
02:57:42.000 And you could quantify that, like, you're 46, you should have your shit together.
02:57:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you should.
02:57:46.000 But we're all figuring things out all the time.
02:57:49.000 And every time we do these fucking things, I come out of them with a newfound appreciation for our friendship, a newfound appreciation for the fun that is to have people like you guys that can do something stupid with, and we can talk shit to each other and have so much fun.
02:58:03.000 It is fun to do.
02:58:04.000 It's so much fun.
02:58:05.000 It really is.
02:58:05.000 It's fucking so ridiculous.
02:58:07.000 It's so stupid and fun.
02:58:08.000 It's so dumb.
02:58:10.000 And it also ignites this weird fucking fire in all of us.
02:58:13.000 Especially Ari.
02:58:15.000 That video of Ari doing the fucking rower for an hour in my gym in LA. A little savage.
02:58:22.000 Is that real?
02:58:23.000 Fucking 100% real.
02:58:24.000 What are you talking about?
02:58:25.000 You think Joe's behind me pulling me by the stomach?
02:58:27.000 What are you talking about?
02:58:28.000 He's jacked.
02:58:28.000 Look at his six pack.
02:58:29.000 He had a full six pack then.
02:58:31.000 What do you mean not real?
02:58:32.000 What's wrong with you, Bert?
02:58:34.000 What's the fakeness in that?
02:58:35.000 You think you can do everything?
02:58:36.000 You don't think anybody else can do anything?
02:58:39.000 A rower for an hour is an extensive amount of rowing.
02:58:45.000 A rower for an hour is an extensive amount of rowing.
02:58:48.000 Bert, there's video of it.
02:58:49.000 What's fake there?
02:58:50.000 Look at him there.
02:58:50.000 Well, videos can be cheated.
02:58:51.000 How is it cheaters?
02:58:53.000 There's no sweat on you.
02:58:54.000 There's not pouring down your body.
02:58:56.000 Because I'm not 270,000 pounds.
02:58:59.000 Look at that.
02:58:59.000 It shows his heart rate.
02:59:01.000 It's jacked.
02:59:02.000 Ads are never a problem.
02:59:03.000 It's my chest.
02:59:04.000 He did it the whole time we were waiting.
02:59:06.000 I was doing my fucking ads.
02:59:08.000 Fuck you, dude.
02:59:08.000 I had to do my ads.
02:59:09.000 Not great.
02:59:10.000 After I did my ads, I came out and Ari was still rowing like a motherfucker.
02:59:13.000 Look at you.
02:59:14.000 Look at him.
02:59:15.000 Yeah, every backstroke.
02:59:17.000 Look at those abs, dude.
02:59:18.000 Legitimately crazy.
02:59:20.000 How legitimately crazy do we go during that month?
02:59:22.000 Competition.
02:59:24.000 I didn't want to come last.
02:59:25.000 None of us wanted to come last.
02:59:26.000 Can I just be very clear?
02:59:27.000 Hit pause.
02:59:28.000 Hit pause on my...
02:59:29.000 Oh, that's good.
02:59:30.000 That's a good pause.
02:59:31.000 No, no.
02:59:32.000 Hit pause for an hour.
02:59:33.000 He's been rowing for an hour.
02:59:34.000 He's been rowing for an hour, and there's no sweat dripping off.
02:59:39.000 No, there is sweat.
02:59:40.000 It's just iPhone fucking 11. Look at my shiny head.
02:59:44.000 Normally that's full head of hair.
02:59:45.000 Also, we had an air-conditioned studio and it's a fan.
02:59:52.000 It's literally blowing air on you.
02:59:53.000 Do you know how that works?
02:59:54.000 You've never done this?
02:59:55.000 Bro, these are literally blowing air on him.
02:59:58.000 Garth Brooks, if you see this.
03:00:00.000 It's blowing air on him, Bert.
03:00:02.000 Do you understand how that works?
03:00:03.000 Every time he rose, it's blowing air.
03:00:05.000 How many have you had?
03:00:05.000 It's an air-conditioned studio.
03:00:07.000 Remember when we went to Topgolf and we were like, how many of you drank?
03:00:10.000 Like three, like seven doubles.
03:00:13.000 Yeah.
03:00:13.000 Yeah, come on, fake!
03:00:15.000 What the fuck are you talking about, dude?
03:00:16.000 Give me my watch!
03:00:17.000 Hold on, you two seem a little too...
03:00:19.000 I got impressed.
03:00:20.000 Conspiratorial?
03:00:20.000 Fuck off!
03:00:21.000 This is number one and number two talking.
03:00:23.000 Kill yourself.
03:00:23.000 Number one and number two.
03:00:26.000 All right, I gotta run, I gotta run.
03:00:27.000 Ari's the second biggest psycho.
03:00:28.000 No, no, [...
03:00:44.000 I hope you don't get pulled over in Texas.
03:00:47.000 You know one of them?
03:00:48.000 Yeah.
03:00:49.000 I guarantee the cops are listening.
03:00:52.000 We're good.
03:00:53.000 I think so.
03:00:54.000 That's a man who knows his fucking life.
03:00:56.000 No.
03:00:56.000 He has to leave.
03:00:57.000 He's got his shit together, kids.
03:00:59.000 He's dead inside.
03:00:59.000 Well, we're doing the show together tonight.
03:01:01.000 He's dead inside.
03:01:01.000 You know what?
03:01:02.000 We're doing the show together, right?
03:01:02.000 You make a great point.
03:01:03.000 No.
03:01:04.000 No, I know.
03:01:04.000 He's dead inside.
03:01:05.000 I know that man better than any of us.
03:01:08.000 He's got to go suck his gardener's dick.
03:01:11.000 Fuck.
03:01:11.000 I hope he hears this.
03:01:12.000 Were you really letting us in on something, or are you just knowing that he can hear us in the lobby?
03:01:16.000 No.
03:01:18.000 I didn't know he could hear us.
03:01:19.000 He can hear us in the lobby.
03:01:21.000 There's a screen on the lobby.
03:01:22.000 He's standing in front of the screen right now.
03:01:24.000 They got cameras in the hallway here.
03:01:25.000 Be careful.
03:01:25.000 There's something wrong with Tom that is...
03:01:28.000 I wish I had.
03:01:29.000 I wish I had.
03:01:30.000 You know, he really doesn't give a fuck about either of us.
03:01:33.000 Anyone in this room.
03:01:34.000 Incorrect.
03:01:35.000 In what way?
03:01:36.000 He goes out of his way to help promote me.
03:01:37.000 He's really good with his family.
03:01:38.000 Like, I'm not that...
03:01:39.000 Like, if you ever told me, like, hey man...
03:01:41.000 What the fuck are you saying?
03:01:42.000 If you want to do, like, another half hour, and I was like, oh, Mr. Girl's going to bed.
03:01:45.000 I was like, oh, just...
03:01:46.000 It's my career.
03:01:47.000 Right?
03:01:48.000 Tom's not that guy.
03:01:49.000 He legit is going home to see his children go to bed.
03:01:52.000 And I was not that guy.
03:01:54.000 Now, I would argue...
03:01:55.000 He still cares.
03:01:56.000 No, he does care.
03:01:58.000 What do you mean he doesn't care about us?
03:02:00.000 What do you mean by that?
03:02:01.000 He prioritizes you.
03:02:02.000 He prioritizes.
03:02:03.000 I never did that.
03:02:04.000 I needed...
03:02:04.000 You understand this better than I do.
03:02:06.000 I needed a career.
03:02:08.000 You need to understand it.
03:02:09.000 Well, you're not going to get it because you had everything you wanted when you had a family.
03:02:14.000 So you could prioritize your family.
03:02:16.000 You already had success.
03:02:16.000 Yeah, you had success.
03:02:17.000 When you started dropping seeds.
03:02:19.000 I see what you're saying.
03:02:19.000 I didn't have success when I had a family.
03:02:21.000 So I'd come here and do a podcast with you and you'd be like, hey, you want to go eat lunch?
03:02:25.000 And I'd be like, yeah, fuck yeah.
03:02:26.000 And then I'd go eat lunch.
03:02:27.000 You can understand this more than maybe Tom.
03:02:31.000 But Tom got success and then had a family.
03:02:33.000 And then now you cannot.
03:02:36.000 He's like, I'm going home.
03:02:37.000 I don't give a fuck.
03:02:38.000 Yeah, no, it's good.
03:02:39.000 He's got the right eye.
03:02:40.000 Look, we did a long podcast with him.
03:02:42.000 It's the right thing to do.
03:02:43.000 It's the best thing in the world.
03:02:44.000 It's shorter than most.
03:02:45.000 But we got a show to do, boys.
03:02:47.000 I will tell you, Tom, when I was running my hour, I asked him, like, hey, can you come in to the store and give me notes with a few other comics?
03:02:55.000 And he made time.
03:02:56.000 Of course he did.
03:02:57.000 He's the fucking man.
03:02:57.000 He's a good guy.
03:02:58.000 I love him to death.
03:02:59.000 I remember the day I first saw him on stage in 2007 on that Maxim tour.
03:03:04.000 He went up, and I think he did three minutes.
03:03:06.000 I think he did three minutes.
03:03:08.000 What?
03:03:08.000 And he went up, and I pulled him aside.
03:03:10.000 I go, dude, where are you from?
03:03:11.000 Where do you live?
03:03:12.000 I go, you're funny.
03:03:13.000 You want to work?
03:03:14.000 Let's go on the road together.
03:03:16.000 Dude, it was so funny when Tom came on the road and he's like, oh, I'll get this, I'll get that.
03:03:20.000 And you're like, no, it's okay.
03:03:21.000 And he's like, wait, what?
03:03:22.000 And I had to pull him aside.
03:03:23.000 I'd be like, oh, dude.
03:03:25.000 You noted the Rogan thing.
03:03:27.000 You didn't need to bring your wallet.
03:03:29.000 You just needed to bring your ID. You know what?
03:03:31.000 We were talking about this earlier.
03:03:33.000 It's so nice to see a dude.
03:03:35.000 When you go on the road, because I think me and you were probably like this, but you go on the road and you're like so appreciative of the idea you could do stand-up.
03:03:44.000 I think that's old school.
03:03:45.000 I don't even know if that...
03:03:46.000 And I don't mean to be shitty of the dudes I tour with.
03:03:48.000 I love the dudes I tour with.
03:03:49.000 But like...
03:03:50.000 There's a new thing where dudes get fame on the internet, and you blow them up, and then all of a sudden they're like, hey man, I'm also the star.
03:03:59.000 And you're like...
03:04:00.000 Oh, I love seeing openers go, it's me and Bill Burr opening at the thing.
03:04:04.000 It's like, no it ain't.
03:04:05.000 What are you talking about?
03:04:06.000 It's Bill Burr, motherfucker.
03:04:07.000 He's Bill Burr and his mom.
03:04:09.000 His mom could talk shit about him for ten minutes.
03:04:11.000 Bill Burr does not need anyone to do stand-up.
03:04:14.000 Zero people to support him.
03:04:16.000 Yeah, it's that, and we're like, I get to do it on the road, I get to do a show.
03:04:21.000 You and I say, we didn't get to do shows on the road.
03:04:24.000 I had a conversation with Bill on the phone the other day, and it was like, God, I miss that dude.
03:04:28.000 Just talking to him, just hearing the way he talks shit about things.
03:04:31.000 We're laughing, and I was like, God, I miss that dude.
03:04:33.000 He's the dude I think I miss the most, that I've seen at the store all the time, constantly.
03:04:38.000 I think I miss him the most.
03:04:39.000 Because everybody else, I see you guys.
03:04:41.000 I see all you guys.
03:04:42.000 I only see him when he comes to Texas.
03:04:44.000 It's like once or twice a year.
03:04:45.000 And I really miss seeing him around the store.
03:04:48.000 Because he's like a tortured guy, but he's so fucking brilliant.
03:04:51.000 He's funny with it.
03:04:51.000 And he's such a good person.
03:04:52.000 He's a good person.
03:04:54.000 Like, you hug that guy, that's a real hug.
03:04:58.000 You know?
03:04:58.000 It's just like...
03:05:00.000 The cool thing about podcasts is it's an excuse to see your friends.
03:05:03.000 Comedy is a fucking weird thing, man.
03:05:06.000 And so many of us get entangled together in comedy.
03:05:09.000 You know, entangled in careers and entangled in...
03:05:12.000 Even Maren, who we never hang out at the store, when you do a podcast with him, it's cool to catch up with him.
03:05:21.000 He's a fucking mess, but if I saw him in the airport, I'd give him a hug.
03:05:24.000 I've met him at the airport before, and I was like, dude!
03:05:27.000 It's like Stan Hope said.
03:05:29.000 It's like, fuck off with this infighting.
03:05:31.000 It's a comic and you're not.
03:05:33.000 The problem is, it's normal to say those things.
03:05:36.000 It's totally normal to say those things.
03:05:37.000 The problem is when you're saying those things online.
03:05:39.000 Right, right, right.
03:05:40.000 That's the thing.
03:05:41.000 This is the platform you're on.
03:05:43.000 Don't say shit publicly.
03:05:43.000 It's the same as saying those things.
03:05:45.000 It's normal to say those things.
03:05:47.000 And it's normal.
03:05:47.000 It doesn't even bother me.
03:05:49.000 But when you're saying it online, you're bringing all these other people in to cheer with you or fight against you.
03:05:55.000 It's hard because your ego gets involved.
03:05:57.000 You've got to know what conflict is and why it's not only not necessary, but should be avoided whenever possible.
03:06:05.000 And if you're not avoiding it, if you're wading into it, conflict constantly, you should look at yourself a little bit.
03:06:11.000 I will agree with that as someone who has done it and regrets it.
03:06:15.000 Don't do it.
03:06:16.000 When did you do it that you regretted it?
03:06:19.000 I mean, nah.
03:06:20.000 When did you do it that you didn't regret it?
03:06:22.000 Yeah, I've always regretted it.
03:06:23.000 You don't talk shit about your friends.
03:06:24.000 It feels terrible.
03:06:25.000 Don't talk shit about your not friends.
03:06:26.000 There's an impulsive thing that people have to say things that are outrageous.
03:06:30.000 And sometimes we get rewarded for that.
03:06:32.000 And so we'll say things that are outrageous so we don't think about the consequences of saying those things.
03:06:36.000 We're not saying those things because we're bad.
03:06:38.000 We're saying those things because you're taking a chance at an idea.
03:06:41.000 And sometimes you're saying it about a friend.
03:06:44.000 And you're fucking hurting their feelings you don't mean to.
03:06:46.000 You thought it was funny.
03:06:48.000 I thought it was funny.
03:06:49.000 And they're like, fuck you, man.
03:06:50.000 And you're like, shit.
03:06:52.000 And you can't take it back.
03:06:53.000 And you just were having fun.
03:06:54.000 And if you were just alone, he said that, they might think it's funny.
03:06:57.000 Trash talk behind someone's back is fine.
03:06:59.000 That's part of being a friend.
03:07:01.000 The problem is, like, if you forget that that's not just those people there, you're bringing the whole world into it.
03:07:06.000 You feel like you're just talking to friends.
03:07:07.000 I wouldn't want someone hearing this, yeah.
03:07:09.000 You should avoid conflict that is unnecessary.
03:07:13.000 Even if you have, like, a disagreement with someone, like, don't concentrate on that.
03:07:17.000 Concentrate on the fun shit.
03:07:18.000 Like, we're so fucking lucky.
03:07:23.000 We're so lucky.
03:07:24.000 I see the shows you're doing.
03:07:25.000 I see the shows you're doing.
03:07:26.000 I see your special that you just filmed that's on YouTube that's right now.
03:07:31.000 It's available.
03:07:32.000 Right now.
03:07:33.000 Right now to YouTube.
03:07:34.000 So you decided not to go on everyone's channel?
03:07:39.000 They wouldn't allow it.
03:07:40.000 Yeah, you can't have duplicates of it.
03:07:43.000 It was a great idea.
03:07:44.000 Have everyone post it.
03:07:46.000 YouTube was like, nah, you can't do that.
03:07:48.000 And just so you know, I committed.
03:07:49.000 You did?
03:07:50.000 You said, I'll do it for you.
03:07:51.000 Yeah, I would have done it too, but it's one of those things where it's like you do want to get all that traffic to your site.
03:07:58.000 The more important thing is get your friends to send people to it.
03:08:02.000 Yeah, I'll get that too.
03:08:03.000 But the Twitter links are even more important.
03:08:06.000 Twitter links and an Instagram post is even more important because then people go to your page.
03:08:11.000 So if other people are amplifying, go to his page, that's better.
03:08:14.000 I would like every one of Joe Rogan's 380 million listeners to just go To YouTube right now.
03:08:22.000 Look up my new special, Ari Shafir Jew.
03:08:25.000 It's online right now.
03:08:26.000 I'm giving it a gift to all of you.
03:08:29.000 It's up right now?
03:08:30.000 It's up right now.
03:08:31.000 How many subscribers do you have on your Instagram?
03:08:34.000 130,000.
03:08:35.000 On Instagram?
03:08:36.000 No, no.
03:08:37.000 On Instagram, like 500. 131. You gained a thousand since the last time you checked, motherfucker.
03:08:42.000 Ballin', son.
03:08:43.000 1,000.
03:08:45.000 Instagram's like 400 or 500. But yeah, guys, just go look.
03:08:49.000 I'm giving it as a gift to all of you.
03:08:51.000 Giving it as a gift.
03:08:52.000 Just go on there and fucking enjoy yourself.
03:08:54.000 Watch it with your family.
03:08:56.000 Joy to the world.
03:08:59.000 You're one of the funniest dudes I know, Ari.
03:09:01.000 And you know I don't say that.
03:09:03.000 I don't say that lightly.
03:09:04.000 Thanks, bud.
03:09:05.000 I really don't.
03:09:06.000 I would never say that to...
03:09:07.000 Are you going to bring this back to getting drugged?
03:09:09.000 Because if you do, I'm going to leave.
03:09:11.000 He's not.
03:09:12.000 He's not.
03:09:13.000 Maybe he is.
03:09:14.000 I love you.
03:09:17.000 I'm proud of you.
03:09:19.000 I think it's time for your due, man.
03:09:21.000 I think that not enough people know how funny you are.
03:09:25.000 I'm being serious when I say that.
03:09:29.000 Pretty fucked up.
03:09:30.000 And your message to Garth Brooks?
03:09:33.000 This has nothing to do on his fucking podcast.
03:09:36.000 What the fuck is Garth Brooks going to do?
03:09:37.000 He's going to help Garth.
03:09:38.000 He's going to get those fucking monsters off his tail.
03:09:40.000 I'll blow everyone up.
03:09:42.000 Garth comes here and then Tom and Christina.
03:09:44.000 Why doesn't Garth just come here?
03:09:45.000 You should.
03:09:46.000 Garth, come on.
03:09:47.000 I'll bring them in.
03:09:47.000 I'll call them up.
03:09:47.000 We'll do it.
03:09:49.000 That's what Garth will do.
03:09:50.000 Me and Garth for 20 minutes.
03:09:51.000 You'll be the arbitrator.
03:09:53.000 I'm not saying I know everything.
03:09:54.000 But the thing is, like, Tom and Christina really are good people.
03:09:57.000 Garth Brooks, if you're listening, Tom's gone.
03:09:59.000 I have no reason to blow smoke up his asses.
03:10:00.000 Tom's a great guy.
03:10:01.000 They're the best people.
03:10:02.000 Christina shit showers.
03:10:03.000 This is just a thing that...
03:10:04.000 This is just a thing that got out of hand.
03:10:09.000 She's admitted, dude.
03:10:09.000 She shits and then goes to the shower and wipes it off that way.
03:10:13.000 She's real, is what I'm saying.
03:10:15.000 What are you supposed to do?
03:10:17.000 Wife, I guess.
03:10:18.000 Like a loser.
03:10:18.000 But a lot of people shit shower shave.
03:10:20.000 It's not like shower shit.
03:10:22.000 Let's go back to the Garth Brooks thing.
03:10:24.000 Jesus Christ, we're getting off topic, guys.
03:10:26.000 Shit shower shave.
03:10:27.000 Way to up it.
03:10:28.000 I think that's a normal thing.
03:10:29.000 Garth Brooks is a great guy.
03:10:31.000 And Garth, if you're listening- I bet he's a great guy.
03:10:33.000 Or he could be a serial killer.
03:10:34.000 There's a lot of evidence.
03:10:36.000 Garth, I'm kidding.
03:10:37.000 I don't mean to do this to you.
03:10:39.000 Garth, I'm a fan.
03:10:41.000 That moment really did happen in Ohio.
03:10:44.000 I forget what the university was that I did, but the kids that worked there, they all took me out.
03:10:49.000 We all went to that bar and went, I got friends.
03:10:51.000 And I remember thinking, what a great fucking song.
03:10:54.000 This guy created an anthem that people can...
03:10:57.000 He literally enhances your experience having a couple cocktails with friends.
03:11:01.000 He's the best.
03:11:02.000 Burt and I went to Calgary Stampede.
03:11:05.000 With O'Neal and who else went?
03:11:08.000 Kathleen.
03:11:09.000 Kathleen.
03:11:10.000 I think that was it.
03:11:11.000 Does he have his stuff on Spotify?
03:11:12.000 Oh, no, no.
03:11:14.000 Fucking, oh, I'm not going to say, I'm not going to do it the right way.
03:11:17.000 No, no, no.
03:11:18.000 Young dude who is Rachel's, Wolfenstein's boyfriend.
03:11:23.000 Matt Edgar.
03:11:24.000 Matt Edgar.
03:11:25.000 And Stampede is just a giant rodeo.
03:11:28.000 Trash.
03:11:28.000 Calgary.
03:11:29.000 Yeah.
03:11:29.000 Yeah.
03:11:30.000 And when Garth Brook played at any one of those tents, it was fucking odd.
03:11:34.000 Of course.
03:11:35.000 Yeah.
03:11:35.000 Dude, that's a whole different world.
03:11:37.000 That country world's a whole different world.
03:11:39.000 There's people that have gigantic audiences you never even fucking heard of.
03:11:43.000 Dude, Zac Brown.
03:11:44.000 Oh, he's huge.
03:11:45.000 Legit.
03:11:46.000 Dude, that song about we're all fishing in the same pond, it's just about forgiveness and right side, left side doesn't matter because we're all fishing from the same boat, fishing in the same bond.
03:11:55.000 It's just such a good fucking song, good theme.
03:11:58.000 Is that on Spotify, Jamie?
03:11:59.000 It's on Spotify.
03:12:00.000 Can we close it out with that song?
03:12:01.000 No.
03:12:02.000 Not a redneck song.
03:12:04.000 No, that's a great song, dude.
03:12:06.000 That's a great song.
03:12:07.000 I love that song.
03:12:08.000 Something that makes you want to drink harder?
03:12:10.000 That's a great song.
03:12:12.000 We're all drinking together.
03:12:15.000 Black Skid Head by Kanye West.
03:12:17.000 ACDC? Oh, how about Kanye West?
03:12:20.000 Kanye West, black skinhead.
03:12:21.000 Kanye is unfortunately banned from all of Spotify.
03:12:25.000 I just listened to him on Spotify.
03:12:26.000 All of social media and all of...
03:12:28.000 I just listened to him on Spotify.
03:12:29.000 All of Zionist control.
03:12:32.000 Guys, I gave my special to you for free.
03:12:35.000 If you want to throw a couple shekels at me, the link is on there.
03:12:38.000 YouTube.com forward slash Ari Shafir.
03:12:40.000 They can donate.
03:12:41.000 Absolutely, like legitimately your best work.
03:12:43.000 I'm proud of you.
03:12:43.000 I'm really legitimately proud of you.
03:12:45.000 The amount of work you put into it was very inspiring.
03:12:47.000 It was fucking cool to watch.
03:12:48.000 You fucking nailed it.
03:12:50.000 And I'm so happy.
03:12:51.000 And what you showed me of the clip, it looks amazing too.
03:12:53.000 I love the candles behind you.
03:12:55.000 It's an amazing set.
03:12:56.000 The set was amazing.
03:12:57.000 You're the man.
03:12:59.000 What is this?
03:13:12.000 If you ruin it with your voice over it, I think we could still do it.
03:13:16.000 Is that him or is that like a cover band?
03:13:18.000 This is it.
03:13:19.000 It's on YouTube.
03:13:21.000 It's a good song.
03:13:22.000 It's a great song.
03:13:23.000 It's so slow and meaningful.
03:13:24.000 Yeah, keep talking over it and then we can end it.
03:13:26.000 As long as we keep talking over it, I think we're good.
03:13:28.000 You can't hear it.
03:13:28.000 Yeah, you can barely hear it.
03:13:30.000 I wonder if the sensors will pick it up.
03:13:32.000 Garth?
03:13:34.000 This is a tribute, Garth.
03:13:37.000 We're putting this on because we love you.
03:13:40.000 And I want to tell you that Tom Segura and Christina Pazitsky, they're in low places.
03:13:47.000 And they're your friends.
03:13:50.000 Tom Segura and Christina Pazitsky are your friends.
03:13:54.000 And I'll be okay.
03:13:56.000 Don't be scared of the truth, Garth.
03:13:58.000 I got friends in low places.
03:14:20.000 Good night, everybody.
03:14:25.000 God bless America.
03:14:28.000 God bless America.