Joe Rogan Experience #1907 - Protect Our Parks 6
Episode Stats
Length
4 hours and 44 minutes
Words per Minute
192.7646
Summary
The band is back together, the band's back together and we re on! Fresh from the club, Neil DeGrasse Tyson joins us to talk about the James Webb Telescope, sex in hotels, and the weirdest things we ve ever seen in a hotel room. Plus, we talk about what it s like to be a space junkie. And, of course, there s a little bit of Will Chamberlain thrown in for good measure. Joe also talks about how he got his nickname "Jelly Donut" and why he thinks it s the best thing he s ever eaten. And we find out that he s not the only one with a dick that's bigger than a normal dick. Thanks to our sponsor, Joe Rogan Experience! Stream by Day, Stream by Night, All Day, All Night, by Night. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Cover art by Ian Dorsch. Please rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast on Apple Podcasts and other podcasting platforms! If you like what you hear, please leave us a review and tell a friend about what you think of it! and we'll send you a rating and review it on iTunes. Thank you! XOXO, Joe and the boys at and . XO, The Joe Rogans Experience. The Podcast is a production of Gimlet (featuring , & , and . Thank you for your support and support us. -Joe Rogans - ! Joe and The Joe & the boys @ ( ) ( Thank You, Joe & The Crew at (Joe Rogan, ) All Rights Reserved. (Music by Thanks, Joe (Alyssa and the crew at ) and the Crew at The Joe and His Crew (and ) is (Suck It's A Good Thing :D) (Crispy, Thank you, Joe's Backyard (Shawn and ) & (Bruj & ) . & John Sook and , & , etc., ) Thank You (Thank You, Suck It, Neil deGrasse ), etc.
Transcript
00:00:06.000
Stream by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!
00:00:11.000
Dude, I was telling somebody I used to do live streaming and you were like, what was I doing?
00:00:17.000
Yeah, we used to do all the shows live streaming.
00:00:35.000
Imagine going from a legit astrophysicist, head of the Hayden Planetarium, to this podcast.
00:00:42.000
We talked about the James Webb telescope and new capabilities and some pretty wild shit.
00:00:57.000
Imagine if no one was paying attention to space if everyone was like us.
00:01:03.000
I don't know what the fuck that shit is up there.
00:01:09.000
Even the Native Americans, they would look at it and they would make shit out of it, you know?
00:01:17.000
It was pre-TV, you know, so you're like, this is the show.
00:01:25.000
Yeah, you see it, you're like, you're drawing random lines in!
00:01:30.000
That's not Do you remember when you'd stay in these shitty little hotels and you'd have to pay money through a machine to watch porn?
00:01:55.000
Ray Romano was a bit about it because his porn wasn't working, but he goes, so you have to call downstairs, but he's like, I have a very recognizable voice.
00:02:18.000
He kind of like made his money and just said, just let me fucking fade back a little bit.
00:02:23.000
Were you around for the vibrating bed with the quarter?
00:02:43.000
Some places you would go and they would have the spinning bed of a circular bed and it spun.
00:02:51.000
Like in the 1970s, there was a house that was for sale that...
00:03:00.000
Let's stay in one position and look at different walls.
00:03:02.000
I think Will Chamberlain had this fuckhouse that was for sale in the Hollywood Hills, and it was just, like, all decked out just for fucking.
00:03:10.000
Like, he had a whole room with, like, mirrors and a circular bed.
00:03:14.000
Last thing I wanted was a mirror when I'm fucking.
00:03:19.000
If you catch a glimpse of yourself, you're like, oh my god.
00:03:23.000
When I'm on top of a woman, it looks fucking insane.
00:03:40.000
If you got one of them black lights and ran it through that room, it would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.
00:03:50.000
But, Lisa Ann said John Sally had the biggest dong she'd ever seen.
00:03:59.000
John Sally's got to be close to seven feet tall, right?
00:04:04.000
Even if he had an average dick for his size, it'd be gigantic.
00:04:27.000
I don't know if this should be out there, but...
00:04:31.000
I think, and into her, but I think you expect a fucking anaconda, and then when it's just proportionate, you're like, meh.
00:04:40.000
But you also have to deal with a girl who, like, I fuck Shaq, he ain't shit.
00:05:00.000
They had a review for teachers, and I felt like they should always have to put their grades in before they review.
00:05:06.000
Yeah, like, oh, you don't like a D? What did you get?
00:05:11.000
We were talking yesterday about how hotels, you get in trouble for smoking, but you can jizz everywhere.
00:05:17.000
Well, you don't get secondhand jizz, that's why.
00:05:28.000
But what would you rather, a guy blow smoke in your face or jizz in your face?
00:06:03.000
Well, in a lot of prisons, you can do that now.
00:06:08.000
What dumb fucks in prison are not going to the- Is that your guy?
00:06:22.000
Bring up that guy in White Lotus's dick from season two.
00:07:08.000
I've never seen a change in personality like this.
00:07:11.000
The pop when you got on stage last night was extraordinary.
00:07:14.000
That's a lot of people having seen it and, I guess, enjoying it.
00:07:17.000
Well, all the people last night are comedy fans.
00:07:20.000
So you gotta assume those people have probably all seen it.
00:07:29.000
You tried to pretend you didn't have a good set last night.
00:07:40.000
There's a chick to the right that just the whole show.
00:07:48.000
Do you guys still concentrate on people in the audience that aren't laughing?
00:07:51.000
Especially when it's 20 in one group, just sitting there.
00:08:02.000
Nick DePaul used to yell at people, and they did that.
00:08:13.000
He could be fucking killing, and if one person wasn't paying attention, he'd be so fucking mad.
00:08:18.000
Do you hear about the story when a guy was on his phone?
00:08:21.000
It was flip phone days, and he took the phone and put it in his Diet Coke.
00:08:27.000
You've got to be able to fist fight if you do that.
00:08:34.000
iPhones weren't waterproof until like three years ago.
00:08:44.000
Nowadays, if it was in your pocket overnight, you definitely would ruin it.
00:08:48.000
You used to be able to send your iPhone to a company and they would waterproof it.
00:08:52.000
They would dunk it or spray it in some kind of plastic and waterproof all the stuff.
00:09:11.000
Yeah, and then they thawed him out for the sequel.
00:09:33.000
Yeah, Mark Hamill got in a crazy motorcycle accident between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi.
00:09:39.000
Was it a car accident or a motorcycle accident?
00:10:09.000
He was on stage at Comedy and Magic Club the other night.
00:10:17.000
How old do you have to be where you can't say fire anymore?
00:10:23.000
So that's him in the hospital with the peeling skin.
00:10:30.000
That's a guy who literally doesn't give a fuck what he looks like.
00:10:54.000
He looks like a crazy homeless crack guy under a bridge.
00:11:02.000
In the window, somebody's gotta put, come to Austin.
00:11:10.000
You've never seen anything like it in your life.
00:11:18.000
It's like, everybody's got a thing that they really like.
00:11:22.000
If you go on his show, you go, oh, you should've been doing this the whole time.
00:11:27.000
Everybody would have had a completely different opinion of Jay Leno.
00:11:30.000
Because they thought he was this mild, sort of bland talk show host.
00:11:37.000
And you'd always hear legends about back in the day when he was a stand-up.
00:11:41.000
A lot of people said he was the second best comic behind Pryor.
00:11:45.000
Everybody said he was a fucking straight-up killer.
00:11:51.000
That was, in our, you know, before our time, well, my time, I'm the oldest, right?
00:11:56.000
So it's like, even before my time, what everybody wanted was that Tonight Show.
00:12:01.000
They wanted, if you could be the host of the Tonight Show, they knew that Johnny Carter, or Johnny...
00:12:16.000
Yeah, I'm 55. One day I'll be like 80, and it won't work so good.
00:12:23.000
You know, I think you tend some people to get lucky.
00:12:29.000
And you know once you get dementia, they'll be like, it's because you didn't take the vaccine.
00:12:40.000
But you can just keep talking about aliens and elk and no one will notice.
00:12:47.000
If you're talking about Sasquatch and aliens while you're dementia...
00:12:56.000
I've had guys on the show that said they saw Sasquatch.
00:13:09.000
He should get a pass on any other theory he has.
00:13:14.000
Do you guys understand how crazy what he did was?
00:13:16.000
I talked about it already before in a podcast, but he posted a link to a video.
00:13:24.000
He got a five-game suspension, a bunch of other things, but the fucking video is still for sale on Amazon.
00:13:33.000
No one's upset that they're selling it on Amazon for $40.
00:13:41.000
They made a narrative that they don't look into it.
00:13:46.000
The new thing is if someone is anti-Semitic, man, they just come for you.
00:13:50.000
This is the latest, like, clear, no suppression.
00:13:56.000
Yeah, they're not going to beat you up, but someone they know runs the media.
00:13:59.000
If there's a thing, though, like, there's a thing that's in the news.
00:14:03.000
There's a thing that's in the news you can't deviate from.
00:14:09.000
If you express anti-Semitism, which, dude, it's like you hired him to say crazy shit.
00:14:15.000
Because if you think about it, the anti-Semitism comes out, all this fucking heat, Kanye gets canceled!
00:14:22.000
Who would have thought they could cancel Kanye?
00:14:22.000
Who would have thought they could remove his position with Balenciaga and Adidas and all that stuff?
00:14:31.000
But all this happens, and then you put out Jew.
00:14:53.000
Ronnie is a classic example of a guy who has his own personality on stage.
00:15:03.000
Like, you get into his mind and his vibe, and he just takes you on a ride.
00:15:19.000
I mean, you put this special, it's changing your life.
00:15:30.000
It's hard, and shit's not going well for you, it's hard.
00:15:34.000
People haven't watched the intros, I'm very happy.
00:15:37.000
You did it all the right way, too, and you took a bet on yourself, and you fucking won.
00:15:42.000
Four and a half million views in fucking less than a month.
00:16:02.000
Yeah, people are like, how do you think it's going to do it?
00:16:11.000
And he goes, no, I think 8. I'm like, you're missing the joke.
00:16:15.000
I'm going, so guys, if you're watching, Just get it to six million and prove Joe Rogan wrong.
00:16:30.000
I didn't get the Holocaust joke until right now.
00:16:34.000
When you said just get it to six million, I'm like, ah, he's selling himself short.
00:16:46.000
I'm like, I said, Joe, pretend like you're a comedian for a second and look at my numbers.
00:16:57.000
You know they have that bread, it's called a challah?
00:17:00.000
He's like, I used to go in the deli and go, how much does the challah cost?
00:17:09.000
It's crazy how that's the topic du jour right now.
00:17:18.000
It's just this wave of groupthink that goes across the country.
00:17:33.000
It's like being a rich guy and wanting birthday presents.
00:17:40.000
Black Skinhead was one of the greatest songs of all time.
00:17:43.000
The beat that comes on at the beginning of that is so fucking good.
00:17:52.000
Maybe Kanye can sue Spotify, get some money back.
00:17:54.000
Don't put up the long YouTube version, just the Spotify version.
00:18:12.000
But his style of talking is like his style of performance, which is so unbelievable, overpowering, stream of consciousness, beautiful lyric, bang, bang, bang.
00:18:26.000
And when you do that, you know as well as I do when you're just talking wild.
00:18:36.000
And maybe you're saying some stuff that you heard some other influential person say.
00:18:53.000
When he had the whole Tron outfit, he's a real artist.
00:19:00.000
They were talking about anti-Semitism and he just got up.
00:19:27.000
It's the weirdest time ever because to see Kanye like now he's saying like they're freezing his bank accounts and the FBI wants 75 million from Don't fuck with us.
00:19:39.000
The FBI froze 75 million and they say he owes 50, which is like, if he owes 50, why'd you free 75?
00:19:46.000
I don't understand any of it, but he's got to be still worth hundreds of millions of dollars.
00:19:52.000
When he said in the beginning, I'm going DEFCON or DEFCON, whatever, on the Jews, I'm positive, I'm firing my agents.
00:20:26.000
Oh, and he's got his, uh, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:20:51.000
He was a great, great, great troll back in his day.
00:20:59.000
And once you start doing shit like that, it just gets slippery and slippery.
00:21:45.000
To be a gay conservative who's a witty guy, who's very funny.
00:21:52.000
He would just go to college campuses and just anger people.
00:21:56.000
When Bill Maher had him on that show, he said to him, you remind me of Hitchens.
00:22:06.000
There was a moment where people were saying, like, this is this rabble-rouser, really smart, gay Republican guy who's hilarious.
00:22:27.000
That's the second one that's died mysteriously.
00:22:32.000
Give it a goog, JMO. How about these people that put all that money in FTX and now they say that they hired someone to hunt this guy down to find him?
00:22:48.000
It's where he used to have Louie before he showed his dick.
00:23:18.000
There's a new one with the helicopter crash there.
00:23:25.000
Nobody wants to say their kid died of a drug, so they just go, he died in his sleep.
00:23:28.000
Well, they've been actually, it's like the numbers are so high.
00:23:31.000
Yeah, but if you're a fucking billionaire, you're not dying of fentanyl.
00:23:34.000
Yeah, you're getting high and you're going crazy.
00:23:37.000
Yeah, usually, usually, but someone's like, I'm breaking it out of the glass pocket.
00:23:42.000
Another guy, Russian billionaire, the third top cryptocurrency trader to die suddenly in recent weeks.
00:23:48.000
You think that's a new wife or the original wife?
00:24:05.000
I don't want to make fun of a guy for dying, dude.
00:24:07.000
I don't want to make fun of a guy for dying in a helicopter crash.
00:24:28.000
My ratio of blues to whites in that thread is staggering.
00:24:34.000
You don't use the dark screen for your text messages?
00:24:41.000
So that means when your texts show up, they look cool.
00:24:43.000
Like, look, here's when you send me a text, I'll show what it looks like.
00:25:01.000
I can't wait to get drunk and turn this thing up.
00:25:17.000
You know what's a fun thing to do when you're listening to this podcast is click forward in two hours.
00:25:22.000
It's really funny to listen to the beginning and then just click two hours in.
00:25:28.000
Put on R! Just to tell you what this FTX thing is, they had this cryptocurrency, and then they had this thing called tokens.
00:25:40.000
But the tokens weren't really backed up by anything.
00:25:46.000
Well, this guy was in competition with another guy who ran another cryptocurrency exchange, and this guy decided to fuck that guy and dump all of his tokens.
00:25:57.000
So he sold all of his tokens, crashed the market, and then people started trying to pull their money out, and they realized there's not enough money.
00:26:05.000
This is a very meathead, non-economist version of it, and I apologize for being uneducated about this.
00:26:14.000
And so this guy went from being worth billions of dollars to like fucking nothing, like instantly, like within a week.
00:26:21.000
And now some Bitcoin people who lost a shitload of money because billions of dollars are lost.
00:26:36.000
You could just crash everybody's currency like that.
00:26:43.000
I had Giannis on, and Giannis was like, they're making it out of thin air, and then it goes away.
00:26:52.000
But the dollar's not based on gold anymore or anything, right?
00:27:08.000
It's more Bernie Madoff type Ponzi scheme shit...
00:27:17.000
It's like if anybody can have a crypto, you can all make a crypto coin.
00:27:30.000
But then now you have how many coins are there?
00:27:33.000
Now it's like Topps when Topps was the only trading card in town.
00:27:36.000
And then Don Riss and Fleer came in and was like, none of this is worth anything.
00:27:42.000
Because everything in NFT and all that horse shit.
00:27:53.000
What made sense is like that Beeple thing that he made for us.
00:28:09.000
During all this, Nike's launched a platform to sell some sort of NFT stuff.
00:28:20.000
They were never really supposed to be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.
00:28:29.000
Didn't you, Gonzo, make like a million dollars?
00:28:32.000
There's a lot of people that made a bunch of money because there was a hype that people thought they could make, like Beanie Baby Run.
00:28:36.000
They thought they could make money off of this.
00:28:38.000
Anyone who was just greedy wanted to make money, but it's not necessarily the use that they were supposed to have.
00:28:43.000
So the use they were supposed to have was just to make it so that someone has the intellectual rights to digital property.
00:28:48.000
And they could make money off of it if it was sold later.
00:28:52.000
And they have this in the UK. If you resell a painting, the artist gets paid again.
00:28:56.000
You can't sell something for 30 grand, have it sold seven years later for 200 million, and you're like, I get nothing?
00:29:02.000
Yeah, Beanie Babies went through the shitter, too.
00:29:06.000
I wonder if they changed insurance on paintings.
00:29:15.000
He's like, ah, fucking Beanie Babies are tanking.
00:29:38.000
It was like one of the last things I liked that was gay.
00:29:56.000
I would go to my friend's house and he had cool baby babies.
00:30:25.000
Jamie, bring up the black bear Beanie Baby for me.
00:30:30.000
Boys could have dolls, but they had to be action figures.
00:30:59.000
You during your prime or Milo trying to fight off the gay?
00:31:04.000
I bet he's reading that same page over and over again.
00:31:23.000
Ex-gay Milo dramatically interprets Bible verses from Anti-LGBT Network's audiobook.
00:31:44.000
My special should be in 3D. Those pray the gay away things are always a bunch of gay guys, like hugging you from behind, getting boners, telling you you can fight it off.
00:31:57.000
I read a whole story on that once where this guy infiltrated one of them to pray the gay things away, and he's like, what is going on here?
00:32:05.000
And he did a behind-the-scenes reporter thing, and this guy was hugging him, and he had a boner pressed against his back.
00:32:11.000
Because when you think about it, who's at an anti-gay camp?
00:32:36.000
Dude, it's one of the weirdest conversations I've ever had with people.
00:32:38.000
I've had a couple of them on here where I talk about gay stuff and, like, gay rights.
00:32:42.000
And I'm like, well, what do you expect a person to do if they're gay?
00:32:44.000
Well, there's a lot of things that you, you know, want to do that are sins.
00:32:49.000
I was like, so do you think that people are actually gay?
00:33:13.000
If you see Mateo Lane, you're not like, fight it.
00:33:23.000
It's funny to want that, to see Mateo and be like, damn, I wish you were fucking pussies.
00:33:31.000
Imagine Richard Simmons saying, no, you got it wrong, Richard.
00:33:37.000
It is weird, though, just because you're like a dick.
00:33:53.000
And that's why it's nonsense to tell people that they can't do it.
00:34:03.000
And they want to say a marriage is only for procreation.
00:34:06.000
But then you go like, what about people who are barren?
00:34:27.000
Last time I made fun of him, he was like, Now he's like, yeah man.
00:34:33.000
I should come in with a robe with that fucking leader of the world robe.
00:34:43.000
Third rape happened at the park we didn't protect.
00:34:47.000
This is a dark fucking under construction place now.
00:34:52.000
If you're a rapist, head on down to the Eastern Park.
00:35:35.000
If I was buying that, my wife would be like, don't.
00:35:40.000
I was gonna buy it for a liberal friend, and then I'm like, it's true.
00:35:46.000
You're gonna fuck up a Christmas party in Brooklyn.
00:35:50.000
Isn't it funny how they have him in a bathrobe with a beer, but Trump is always wearing a suit, and he doesn't even drink?
00:36:13.000
I didn't know what it was until your guys told me.
00:36:29.000
It's like you couldn't even make a movie like that anymore.
00:36:32.000
Just the way people behaved with each other and...
00:36:52.000
Yeah, he kept talking to people who don't know him.
00:36:55.000
But I thought it was like some wacky conspiracies.
00:36:58.000
Yeah, but he went deeper because everyone was like, you're wrong.
00:37:05.000
That looks like a guy I'd have on my podcast talking about aliens.
00:37:10.000
He'd be a guy, well, there's nine specific kinds of aliens that we've identified.
00:37:19.000
They start off at a way deeper place, and you're like, well, don't get me started on Gritrothi.
00:37:23.000
And you're like, I don't know what you're talking about.
00:37:25.000
Randy Quaid taking into custody in Vermont, trying to cross the border into Canada.
00:37:43.000
Did you see what Jim Carrey just left Twitter and left the craziest note?
00:37:50.000
They always have to say to everybody, because they're still in the system.
00:37:52.000
They always have to say to everybody, look at me, I'm leaving.
00:38:00.000
Randy Quaid appalled Biden called him a Neanderthal.
00:38:04.000
Take out the most Neanderthal looking picture for this.
00:38:11.000
As a native Texas appalled that our president called me a Neanderthal, 23andMe is verified I have no Neanderthal ancestry in my genetic code.
00:38:20.000
Not to say Neanderthal lives don't matter, just saying a lot of us Texans have grounds for a class action suit.
00:38:34.000
I think Biden probably called Texans Neanderthals.
00:38:37.000
I think we need to stuff Randy up with some mushrooms and bring him in for a podcast.
00:38:57.000
Imagine trying to make a movie like that today.
00:39:04.000
I'm leaving Twitter, but first here's a cartoon I made with my friend Jimmy Hayward.
00:39:08.000
It's based on my painting of a crazy old lighthouse keeper standing naked in a storm, summoning the angels and shining his lamp to guide us through a treacherous night.
00:39:21.000
Okay, so he posts this thing which is like a lighthouse with like crazy lights and then it's a naked guy but you don't see his dong.
00:40:07.000
Here's this weird cartoon of a naked guy screaming in the rain.
00:40:10.000
Let's get some of these beanie babies going again.
00:40:33.000
You see the thing I was saying about the monks?
00:40:36.000
They kicked all these monks out of the monastery because they were all high on meth.
00:40:46.000
Every monk in the Thai temple defrocked after testing positive for meth.
00:41:04.000
That's gotta be the hardest thing in the world.
00:41:08.000
They were trying to, like, figure out how to meditate longer, and, well, we need some amphetamines up in this bitch.
00:41:28.000
Meth in Yaba can easily be found in every corner of Thailand.
00:41:32.000
Supply is up everywhere, and at this point, a tablet is cheaper than a beer, UNDOC's Jeffrey Douglas told Thai Inquirer.
00:41:42.000
Last month, Hong Kong reportedly made its biggest ever seizure of meth, finding 1.8 metric tons of liquid meth hidden in cartons of coconut water en route for Australia.
00:41:58.000
Authorities in August found two tons of meth hidden in marble tiles shipped from the Middle East to Sydney in what police describe as the largest ever seizure of illicit drugs in Australia.
00:42:09.000
Also in August, Mexican soldiers seized almost 1.5 tons of meth and 328 pounds of apparent powdered fentanyl at a checkpoint in the northern state of Sonora.
00:42:26.000
I know, and meth makes you horny, so they must have been really plowing in the temple.
00:42:30.000
In July, more than 5,000 pounds of meth was found in a record-breaking seizure in Southern California.
00:42:36.000
Go back to the girl, like, in the top of the video, with her wearing that mask.
00:42:59.000
This back of my special is only at 4.1 million.
00:43:08.000
The fact that she thinks she needs to wear the...
00:43:10.000
For sure that lady is boosted and tested and they're working on a television show.
00:43:19.000
There's gonna be videos that we look at in the future.
00:43:22.000
There's gonna be videos that we look at in the future that we're gonna hear the mouth behind.
00:43:34.000
It's L.A. You gotta do it in L.A. Dude, in the bay, everyone's hiking with masks, wide alone.
00:43:50.000
If everybody's doing it, you feel like you have to do it or you're a piece of shit.
00:43:54.000
Like when we went to see Roger Waters, we had to wear masks.
00:43:57.000
Oh, it's so funny seeing Rogan going, I'll do this, but only because I got backstage.
00:44:11.000
But the guy who was the security guy there, I was talking, I'm like, what's going on?
00:44:16.000
He goes, it's just a way to let everybody know that you're a leftist.
00:44:22.000
It's just a way to let everybody know you're a leftist.
00:44:27.000
We bought a bunch of blow on my bachelor party and we tested it for fentanyl.
00:44:39.000
You test one little chunk that doesn't have it.
00:44:41.000
It's not like there's a fucking even distribution of fentanyl in your show.
00:44:48.000
They're not making this stuff in the same places they make fucking...
00:44:51.000
Yeah, I know, but don't they mix it in together?
00:44:59.000
What I'm saying is if you're buying this stuff, you don't know how it's mixed.
00:45:04.000
You don't know if you're getting like one piece from one batch and one piece from another batch.
00:45:09.000
You just gotta let you lose your friends go first.
00:45:11.000
They're not making it the same place they make Tylenol.
00:45:13.000
But still, you shake up the bag and then scoop the bag and test that.
00:45:17.000
Or you find the one person that you could live without.
00:45:33.000
So I gave him one, and he came back two hours later.
00:45:41.000
You could just get it from CVS. But there would definitely be people who died.
00:45:48.000
The question is, do more die from it being legal than die from it being illegal?
00:45:52.000
I mean, if cocaine's legal, that would be wild.
00:46:04.000
You just say, I mean, I don't know, but he's an expert.
00:46:06.000
I mean, it's expensive to make, but it's not like you can't sell it and make a profit, is my point.
00:46:10.000
Diaz said the only reason people overdose is because of the cut.
00:46:16.000
That's what he says, and he's more of an expert than I am.
00:46:22.000
But it's one of those things where you're telling me I can have whiskey, but you're telling me I can't have pot.
00:46:27.000
You're telling me, you know, and then, well, pot, we're going to legalize pot?
00:46:37.000
Who was some other man my age to tell me what I can and can't do?
00:46:51.000
And if you let them do it with that, then they can do it with other shit.
00:46:54.000
Then they got you wearing a mask while you're on KTLA. What does other countries do?
00:47:06.000
They saw a much lower case of addictions, violence, crime drops.
00:47:11.000
You put the same money you were putting into fighting the crimes, fighting the drugs, you put that into rehab and therapy for the people who can handle it.
00:47:36.000
Well, I don't want to say I don't want to go full Michael Richards on here.
00:47:50.000
Because the senator's wives are all doing them.
00:47:59.000
It's had to say, like, you guys gave me painkillers.
00:48:02.000
And if you had a mild dose every day, just a mild scooching through life with a little...
00:48:21.000
Just do it on your phone so I don't have to see it.
00:48:38.000
Isn't it funny that our dream is everyone's last-ditch effort on their way down?
00:48:43.000
It's like, they can't seem to get rid of those guys.
00:48:53.000
He's going to want to come on the podcast and defend himself.
00:49:01.000
That's the one he was looking at at the top left on the radio.
00:49:10.000
Other than, you know, embezzling some money out of the state of Mississippi recently.
00:49:27.000
Every time I've tried to use one of these, I go...
00:50:05.000
Brett Favre got six million dollars in welfare funds for a volleyball stadium.
00:50:23.000
Only gay dudes are trying to tear down Brett Favre.
00:50:32.000
No, he took a bunch of money for whatever, and then he made a volleyball stadium for the college he went to.
00:50:46.000
Imagine if you're a part of something, you don't know how they're running it, and then you find out they're taking welfare money, building the most frivolous bullshit thing.
00:50:54.000
People are starving to death and they're homeless.
00:51:00.000
Yeah, but volleyball and my kid, this is a school.
00:51:02.000
We can get the money this way if we just sign a couple blinds.
00:51:09.000
I feel like he was just barely associated with it.
00:51:13.000
If you're in Mississippi and you're turning on Favre, you suck.
00:51:16.000
The only thing he ever did wrong was giving up that free sack to that guy to set the record.
00:51:21.000
You ever hear him talk about how many concussions he's had?
00:51:36.000
There was an article recently about how many concussions he's had.
00:51:43.000
In a radio interview, Favre estimated that he suffered from an astounding 1,000 concussions.
00:51:53.000
Until recently, he believed he only suffered three concussions because that was the number of times he was knocked unconscious.
00:52:10.000
Do you understand what a concussion actually is?
00:52:12.000
Do you know if you get punched in the body, you can get a concussion?
00:52:20.000
You would be concussed by that harsh statement.
00:52:25.000
Man, you got funnier since this fucking thing came out, too.
00:52:30.000
Give me that big six million number and the Holocaust is forgiven.
00:52:44.000
While severe blow to the head will often result in a concussion, it's not a requirement for the diagnosis.
00:52:48.000
A person can have a concussion by sudden acceleration or decelerated change of movement.
00:53:08.000
Yeah, I'm doing better now that I have four million hits.
00:53:11.000
But anyway, the whole rest of the day, I couldn't concentrate.
00:53:17.000
It's possible to experience some memory deficits, particularly of the events leading up to a moment of concussion.
00:53:22.000
However, memory loss is not required for a diagnosis.
00:53:26.000
Now, if you just take into account how many times he collided with enormous men.
00:53:40.000
I've been dinged up sparring and gone right back in with another.
00:53:47.000
If that's the case, I've had several concussions.
00:53:52.000
I've never been knocked unconscious, but I got TKO'd in a kickboxing match, so that's definitely one.
00:54:00.000
And then I got dropped to the left hook, then he finished me off with an uppercut after I got up.
00:54:07.000
But that's nothing compared to all the other times I got hit in just training.
00:54:12.000
He said, Brett Favre says, you get tackled and your head hits the turf.
00:54:16.000
You see flashes of light are ringing in your ears, but you're able to play.
00:54:22.000
So based on that, he said, I've suffered thousands.
00:54:26.000
Had to be, because every time my head hit the turf, there was ringing or stars going, flashbulbs, but I was still able to play.
00:54:38.000
Favre rules, and he's had over a thousand cuts.
00:54:44.000
We just didn't know you were supposed to harden it up.
00:54:47.000
Imagine if every time you got punched, your dick shrank a little bit.
00:55:12.000
He's like, fuck, you've got to get better to get back in the game.
00:55:39.000
Yeah, it's not as bad as your skull hitting the ground, but the impact in the brain is the same.
00:55:45.000
It protects the skull, but the impact inside of the head is the same.
00:55:51.000
With the leather helmets, they actually had less concussion.
00:55:54.000
I used to think that too, but then I read this thing about rugby guys.
00:55:58.000
Those guys are getting fucking bad CTE. Back in the day, dudes would die.
00:56:28.000
All his jokes are like, I'm going to say something great.
00:56:41.000
Yeah, it was an incompletion that I, you know...
00:56:45.000
You gotta ride the wave because you can slope down again.
00:56:58.000
You've got to ride the wave, especially right now.
00:56:59.000
You're not going to leave for like a month or anything, are you?
00:57:19.000
I was in there trying to respond to comments and keep the thing going.
00:57:23.000
A lot of them was like, Joe keeps talking about this guy.
00:57:25.000
And I was like, finally, I'll give him a chance.
00:57:52.000
Poor fucking's only great when you're not poor anymore.
00:57:54.000
When you look back, oh, that poor fucking was amazing.
00:57:57.000
When you're poor fucking, you're fucking, you're like, God, I hope I didn't get her pregnant.
00:58:12.000
Because you're still trying to get to the thing.
00:58:15.000
The thing is, people get a little bit of success.
00:58:18.000
They go, oh, it was fun back in the day when I didn't know.
00:58:28.000
There's fun where it's fun while you're doing it, like a roller coaster, but you never talk about that.
00:58:34.000
And there's certain things that fucking suck while you're doing them.
00:58:37.000
But then afterwards, they're fun to talk about.
00:58:41.000
I remember I used to open for Louie, and he'd be like, I would kill to be in your position, just running around, doing sets.
00:58:46.000
You know they're laughing at you because you're actually funny.
00:58:49.000
And then when he got canceled, I was like, hey, you're back.
00:58:57.000
All those young comics are like, you should appreciate it.
00:59:00.000
The problem with those young comics is we don't know if they're going to make it.
00:59:04.000
That's one of the scariest things about our business.
00:59:06.000
We are salmon going up that waterfall and there's a shit ton of bears up there.
00:59:33.000
If you don't get cancelled by the comedy community, if they're still fucking with you, you just get through it.
00:59:45.000
They see, like, oh, he's a fucking talented artist.
00:59:47.000
Shane fucking set the groundwork for it, for real.
01:00:01.000
Every other artist is happy you call him an artist.
01:00:09.000
If you tell Dom Irary he's an artist, he's like, what is this?
01:00:21.000
Dom Herrera from the Rodney Dangerfield special.
01:00:23.000
That's what we should bring back at the mothership.
01:00:27.000
Do like a Rodney Dangerfield style comedy special.
01:00:29.000
Yeah, like Kenison, Hicks, Seinfeld, Dice, Lenny Clark, Dom Herrera, who else?
01:00:44.000
Kinnison was the best one, because Kinnison went from Bob, I think he was on Bob Nelson and Saget's, and they're funny, but they're doing that style, that 80s style comedy, and Kinnison's like, hey, I'm going to completely mix this up.
01:00:57.000
Letterman's just like, it's because you know he saw him at the store.
01:01:00.000
And so he goes, guys, this next guy, he's presenting to a crowd.
01:01:09.000
Yeah, Chris Rock said he's the first guy to change the format.
01:01:13.000
He was the first guy to let me know that you could do that.
01:01:20.000
This is how I've told the story on the podcast.
01:01:23.000
I was working as a fitness trainer at the Boston Athletic Club.
01:01:29.000
There was this girl that worked the front desk.
01:01:42.000
She goes, oh my god, you gotta see this fucking comedian, Sam Kennison.
01:01:47.000
She goes outside in the parking lot and she redoes his bit about homosexual necrophiliacs who are paying money to spend time with the freshest male corpse.
01:01:56.000
So this girl's on her stomach in the parking lot going, oh, oh, you mean life keeps fucking in the ass even after you're dead?
01:02:09.000
And then I went and found the special at a video store.
01:02:19.000
Before you press play, he looks exactly like Demi Blavato giving a tour of her house.
01:02:25.000
He looks like Jim Carrey pretending to be David Letterman.
01:02:33.000
My next guest is making his network television debut tonight, and we believe it's long overdue.
01:02:37.000
He is one of the strangest and most original comedians working today.
01:03:01.000
There's still time to call the church and call all this off.
01:03:07.000
I know a lot of you come here, you watch TV, you wait every night.
01:03:12.000
For somebody to come on here and give you an answer for your lives, waiting for someone that'll come and say, hey, this is it.
01:03:28.000
There's something inside me that's not going to let me go down anymore.
01:03:55.000
If you ever think you want to get married, if you ever think you've met the right woman, you want to settle down, you want to get a house, you want to get a car, maybe raise a family, do me a favor, will you, Lou?
01:04:22.000
Look at that guy clapping so hard next to his wife.
01:04:54.000
My life was so boring, I actually worried about my yard.
01:05:08.000
Weeds and stuff going, I have a responsibility to the neighborhood.
01:05:24.000
With that look on their face like they envy the dead.
01:06:20.000
I keep going for that same kind of love, too, man.
01:06:25.000
You heard me so much, I don't even know what pain is!
01:06:39.000
I know half America right now is going, what are we watching?
01:06:46.000
Is this the man that was prophesied to have come out of the sea and controlled their settings?
01:06:54.000
I'm just a comic with some weird fashion choices, but, uh...
01:06:57.000
Tell you what, those chocolates hit just in time, brothers.
01:07:01.000
Read your Bibles, your New Testaments, your tours, your tours, whatever you think will protect you.
01:07:28.000
Because I know the film crew could give this kid a sandwich.
01:07:41.000
As you see in the early, early stages of that bit.
01:07:44.000
Come on, you know there's a director five feet away going, don't beat him yet!
01:07:51.000
Carlin said he saw that bit and he was like, oh shit, he got nervous.
01:08:04.000
But I'm not trying to make fun of world hunger.
01:08:06.000
If you want to do something about world hunger, I think I have an answer.
01:08:09.000
I think that a lot of people are adopting this attitude.
01:08:32.000
Send them a guy out there who goes, Hey, you know, we just drove 750 miles across the desert with your food, and it occurred to us that there wouldn't be world hunger if you people would live with the foodists!
01:09:22.000
I was 18. That was his network television debut.
01:09:25.000
And I found out about him when I was 19. I found out about him in 86 when he did HBO. So it was all poppin'.
01:09:31.000
He hadn't done any TV? I think that was his first television appearance, period.
01:09:41.000
I think that was in the middle, but if that was in the 80s, you've got to realize that was the comedy boom.
01:09:49.000
There was five of them in one block area of Boston.
01:09:53.000
In 88, in Boston, there was Nick's Comedy Stop, then there was a Comedy Connection, and then above the Comedy Connection was the Comedy Club at the Charles, and then across the street was Duck Soup.
01:10:06.000
It was called Duck Soup, and then half a block away was Dick Daugherty's Comedy Vault.
01:10:24.000
He figured out a way to take that preacher energy and convert it into comedy.
01:10:28.000
And then he's hanging out with all these rock stars.
01:10:30.000
And because he did these late night sets at the store, that's how he became infamous.
01:10:34.000
People would come see him and they would be like, who is that guy?
01:10:45.000
He'd come in at 1230, no one cared, drunk with his friends, with like six or seven top-level stars.
01:11:00.000
But they said he'd bring people from the rainbow and they'd all party.
01:11:02.000
So no one cared because he's like, you're not really bumping anybody.
01:11:10.000
I remember when he died because I was in New York.
01:11:19.000
I remember not hearing about it because I was in a yeshiva.
01:11:21.000
So you've got to realize it wasn't even a 10-year run.
01:11:24.000
So from 86 to 92 is when he was big, and he had already...
01:11:32.000
If you listen to his first special, and then, well, he's got like the album.
01:11:45.000
And then there was the special, the HBO special.
01:11:55.000
And then, it was like a year and a half or so later, he put out a new special and it was not good.
01:12:08.000
So Louder Than Hell was 86, Breaking the Rules was 87, and that one was not good.
01:12:30.000
But his brother wrote this book about what happened, and he's real honest about it.
01:12:38.000
He always had new material, but then he was partying and doing coke and hanging out with Jon Bon Jovi, making music videos.
01:13:11.000
You ever think about the amount of times you drank and drove and just made it?
01:13:15.000
I came back from a Stanhope show at King King or somewhere in Hollywood, running back to the comedy store for last call.
01:13:26.000
A cop slowed down, and I was like, we're good, we're good, we're good.
01:13:34.000
Damn, I sideswiped a bunch of cars once with my mom's Lexus.
01:14:14.000
Can I tell you guys how excited I've been doing this?
01:14:44.000
If somebody hands you a joint and you don't smoke, don't fucking talk about your own smoke.
01:14:52.000
I was in the middle of a talk on climate change.
01:15:13.000
Pigeon holed a promo into a fucking talk with a scientist.
01:15:21.000
Because up until that moment, I've been totally straight, asking questions.
01:15:37.000
And if you're not Jewish and someone starts talking about Jewish people, right now, people just shut the fuck up.
01:15:49.000
We had the hot oven, now we're on the hot button.
01:15:53.000
Netflix, if you do a Netflix build, I don't think they push you.
01:15:58.000
If you're a guy like Ari, the best possible way...
01:16:01.000
If you're a guy who can get a big chunk of money like Dave Chappelle, I get it.
01:16:05.000
But even if you're low level, if you get on YouTube and people find out about it...
01:16:14.000
As long as they're not taking them down, though, your purpose is getting served.
01:16:21.000
I mean, stand-up is, look, it's just like movies.
01:16:23.000
You know, when Quentin Tarantino has Brad Pitt smashing some girl's face into a mantelpiece, is that really happening?
01:16:34.000
These aren't real opinions, you fucking idiots.
01:16:35.000
Someone over there explained to me their algorithm in stand-up, where it's like, oh, you said this word, and this is a hate speech, whatever, and they go, look again, it's on stage, like, okay, let it go.
01:16:50.000
If you're a comic and you love classic comedy, there's no better place on earth than YouTube.
01:16:56.000
Every fucking special that's ever been, all the Kinnison specials, all the Bill Hicks stuff, everything's available.
01:17:10.000
It was like you did a half an hour on HBO. Yeah, on HBO. They called them one-night stands.
01:17:22.000
You could do your own network, like a Louis thing.
01:17:28.000
A hundred million people will see your special.
01:17:30.000
A hundred million people will see your hard work.
01:17:49.000
I recorded it, and when I've got a sufficient amount of new material where I can do, like, a new set...
01:17:55.000
I've probably got, like, 15 minutes now that seems to be working.
01:18:01.000
I love being able to do whatever the fuck I want to do.
01:18:05.000
People are talking about, like, where's Joe gonna do it?
01:18:10.000
They can't give him $700 million for a special.
01:18:18.000
Well, that's one of the reasons why I decided to buy a club.
01:18:21.000
If you were that guy, and you had that kind of money, and you could do something like that, if you were a comic, you'd be like, God, if I had that money, you know what I'd love to do?
01:18:30.000
I'd love to open up a club and do it the right way.
01:18:42.000
See, even when I'm there, like we were there today, we were looking around, I don't believe it's real.
01:19:19.000
If you're a guy who's sitting there with his headphones on doing some menial task, you're in your fucking cores right now.
01:19:29.000
Yeah, I've been doing a lot of audiobooks over the last six or seven months, but before that I was really pod-heavy.
01:19:36.000
I've probably listened to six pods total in my life.
01:19:39.000
Tim Dillon's one of my favorite guys to listen to.
01:19:46.000
The Mencia ones on Marin, and then maybe a fucking This American Life one, Radio Lab one.
01:19:53.000
Bobby Lee confronted Mencia on an ep, and that was tense.
01:20:36.000
When Bryan Simpson was challenging you to a drinking contest, I was scared for him.
01:20:44.000
He said he could do one shot for every Bud Light I drank.
01:21:08.000
You brought those chocolates out and I said, this is not gonna...
01:21:14.000
Anthony Aiden, Bobby Kelly hooked me up with this guy in New York.
01:21:42.000
We were talking about the little room at the mothership.
01:21:49.000
Him and Louie came up with that concept because Louie was like, what kind of room do you like to work in?
01:22:04.000
And during his first show, he's taping two shows, taping two specials.
01:22:08.000
During his first taping, a woman has a fucking seizure.
01:22:24.000
And so they take this lady away, and then he continues.
01:22:47.000
You would think that someone who ran the Roman Empire would get a better salad.
01:23:23.000
Because that's exactly what Tony Hinchcliffe would have done.
01:23:50.000
Well, we used to have assassinations like once every eight years or so.
01:23:53.000
Yeah, see, you stand up, you walk around, you start looking around.
01:24:05.000
I stood up and I went to the bathroom and I thought I heard your dog crying and I looked for your dog in the bathroom for a long time.
01:24:14.000
Caesar salad invented in Tijuana, Mexico in the 1920s.
01:24:18.000
A green salad of romaine with a highly seasoned dressing of pounded anchovies, olive oil, lemon juice, egg, and Parmesan cheese.
01:24:28.000
I'm reading ingredients of a salad on a podcast.
01:24:38.000
Have you ever taken drugs and just stared at this fucking ceiling alone?
01:24:42.000
Maybe the Indians were on some peyote or eating some leaves or some shit when they were looking up at the stars.
01:24:49.000
Every culture that had access to psychedelic drugs took them.
01:24:54.000
No one was like, hey, this is not good for our productivity or our hunting and gathering.
01:25:25.000
I heard it was good, but I really didn't expect that.
01:25:30.000
He's lucky I wasn't one of those villagers that he raped.
01:25:46.000
Hey, before I get too far, just note, you should have a bathroom right out here.
01:25:55.000
Wouldn't it be nice, though, you're laying on your hay, and they're like, the Vikings are coming, we're all gonna get raped.
01:26:01.000
You're like, fuck, and then the door swings open, it's that guy, you're like...
01:26:07.000
My arch fear is so fucked up by mushrooms, he can't walk 20 paces.
01:26:36.000
But it's like, you know, watch this shit at home.
01:26:43.000
I was like, is this going to be like a television show about Vikings?
01:26:54.000
And no one is a normal person of today in that movie.
01:26:58.000
They all represent those kind of people that were just sword fighting and dying out there.
01:27:04.000
The way they talked, the way they behaved, everyone was sketchy.
01:27:13.000
It wasn't a, you know, 2022 person in the Viking era.
01:27:19.000
You know what's weird is whenever you see a movie without phones, you don't think about it.
01:27:28.000
Like, you never ever dream where you're on your phone.
01:27:31.000
But we're on our phones eight hours a day, but we still don't really...
01:27:33.000
Wait, you're talking about there's no phones in the movie about Vikings?
01:27:44.000
But I'm saying, if you watch a movie now, there's no phones in it.
01:27:49.000
I'm saying, obviously there's no phones in a Viking movie, but if you watch a movie made today, and there's not a lot of phones in it, you don't go, where are the phones?
01:28:02.000
If you do watch a movie today about today, and no one's on their phone.
01:28:04.000
If you watch every show, everybody should be looking at their phone the entire time.
01:28:11.000
It's so weird when you go to a bar and you see everyone on their phone.
01:28:17.000
New York subway, it's just phone, phone, phone.
01:28:20.000
Everyone's just paying attention to something else other than what's in front of them.
01:28:27.000
You were doing it last night in the green room.
01:28:41.000
They do say that when you write on paper that you...
01:28:57.000
Yeah, that's from sitting on this, you dumb fuck.
01:29:06.000
This is his notes that were in one of his back pockets.
01:29:52.000
Of, like, marking and writing down your material I've ever seen, ever.
01:29:56.000
You can tell that the newest one is the new material.
01:30:04.000
Dude, you need a fanny pack just to carry those around with you.
01:30:18.000
Dude, when you piss on Fungi, it's fucking, your dick is so small.
01:30:33.000
Yeah, we sell them on higherprimate.com because of Dice.
01:30:37.000
Dice came in with sweatpants on, and I've always been a fanny pack enthusiast.
01:30:42.000
I go, that's the nicest fanny pack I've ever seen.
01:31:11.000
He did that to me years ago, and I thought he was serious.
01:31:38.000
You are the driver that was waiting for the picture?
01:32:00.000
I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you're talking about.
01:32:09.000
You have this big guy that just might mollywop you in the middle of New York City.
01:32:27.000
Speaking of psychedelics, remember when the South Park guys went to the Oscars on acid?
01:32:36.000
They're so important for the state of comedy because they can get away...
01:32:41.000
Like Kyle Dunnigan and Kurt Metzger, what they can do with the face swaps.
01:32:46.000
There's something about something not being real.
01:32:54.000
Because it doesn't look at all like real people.
01:33:05.000
And he can have these people saying the most outrageous shit.
01:33:33.000
Jamie, call the picture of how many views of my special host.
01:33:42.000
Did you think the Chappelle monologue was anti-Sem?
01:33:49.000
I assume it's a comic because there's no problem at all.
01:33:52.000
I thought the whole thing in the beginning was hilarious.
01:33:55.000
Where he reads this thing, I do not support anti-Semitism in any way, shape, or form, and that, Kanye West, is how you buy yourself some time.
01:34:08.000
20 people, and then everyone's arguing about the 20 people that are fake upset.
01:34:12.000
Well, we're living in a weird world where everybody can have an opinion.
01:34:16.000
And if there's a thing that is in somehow, way, shape, or form connected to anything controversial, there's going to be people that get upset about it.
01:34:23.000
Dave Chappelle is the number one stand-up talking about Jews today.
01:34:37.000
That's worse than the fucking picture I posted, you bitch.
01:34:56.000
Yeah, now his phone's on fucking silent and he goes, he's like, what?
01:35:01.000
I can't wait to see Ari posing with no shirt on, wearing a fur coat, getting on a Lear chair.
01:35:16.000
Somebody photoshopped me an O'Connor McGregor picture.
01:35:21.000
Bro, have you seen Conor McGregor's latest pictures?
01:35:24.000
If I was USADA, I'd be like, when does this guy get back on the test?
01:36:00.000
He's having a great time, saying some funny shit.
01:36:02.000
The funny things are listening to him talk because, you know, he's from Dublin.
01:36:07.000
And when he gets drunk and starts talking, look how jacked he is.
01:36:27.000
Also, this video of him from here, that's good, but go to the other one from behind, the next one back.
01:36:40.000
He loves posting a fucking, kind of a boner in every photo.
01:36:51.000
He's recovering from a terrible injury, though.
01:36:54.000
That's why it's taking so long, and that's probably why he's...
01:37:07.000
In the fibula, both of them snapped, so it's a horrific injury to recover from.
01:37:23.000
So that left leg, that's the one that broke, and it's jacked as fuck now.
01:37:44.000
There was a weigh-in where it looked like he had a boner.
01:38:07.000
Imagine if he's that savage that he gets a bow.
01:38:19.000
Dude, it was a money grab, but he tried to win that fight.
01:38:48.000
And just the skill level alone, the fact that he was able to catch him and knock him down, that's a big deal.
01:38:56.000
It's an end of an era for sure, but it's also like, that guy's a legit fighter.
01:39:02.000
You watch him in fights, he's not boxing like some guy.
01:39:06.000
When will he fight like a current young fighter?
01:39:14.000
Jake Paul offered Paddy the baddie $1 million to spar and Pimblet didn't back down.
01:39:33.000
The difference between the two of them is like boxing.
01:39:36.000
Paddy is, you know, he's got good hands for sure.
01:39:48.000
So if they're not going to fight an MMA fight...
01:39:57.000
If you're calling it sparring, and you're gonna film it, and everyone's gonna watch it, and you're gonna do one round, come on, you wanna spar me?
01:40:07.000
What you're doing is you're having an unsanctioned fight.
01:40:09.000
This guy's paying you a million dollars to have an unsanctioned fight.
01:40:29.000
He's knocked out Ben Askren, Tyron Woodley, knocked down Anderson Silva.
01:40:40.000
No, he got kicked in the leg into, what's it called?
01:40:50.000
And he started getting this, it's called like drop foot.
01:40:53.000
And he actually did commentary for the video while it was happening.
01:41:10.000
So Sean O'Malley, he did like a play-by-play with that fight, and you could see his foot go numb.
01:41:16.000
It's just like he's just dragging his foot around, and he can't stand on it.
01:41:19.000
And he had these tight ankle wraps on, and you think that might have accentuated it and not allowed the circulation to get back to normal?
01:41:40.000
It's happened to a couple of guys in the UFC. They get kicked in the leg and their leg just doesn't work right anymore.
01:41:45.000
He kicked and his leg wrapped around the guy's shin.
01:42:03.000
Yeah, it just slaps against a leg and just like...
01:42:09.000
It happened with Tyrone Spong fought Gokhan Saki, and Saki checked his kick and snapped his leg in half.
01:42:43.000
It's so normal for me to see people get beat up.
01:42:52.000
He's since passed away, but he had fought on the Ultimate Fighter.
01:43:11.000
You didn't even eat your chocolate, you coward.
01:43:14.000
Guys, you guys are all talking over each other.
01:43:24.000
Who was the first guy to get his leg broken in the UFC? Corey Hill?
01:43:53.000
Now, this was a bad one because the referee didn't notice it.
01:43:56.000
The referee didn't notice it, so we were screaming, stop the fight.
01:44:04.000
Dale showing a lot of head movement, eats a nice kick.
01:44:18.000
So the referee didn't notice that his leg was broken.
01:44:30.000
So that was the first time that it ever happened in the UFC. Come on, J-Mo.
01:44:45.000
What kind of weird world are you creating just for one joke?
01:44:52.000
You go to math class, make sure you pet the fucking hamster.
01:45:05.000
When he talked about getting his, he got his eyeball knocked out, by the way.
01:45:08.000
But he said he woke up in the, what do you call it, the locker room, and he goes, did I win?
01:45:20.000
People have to explain to them what happened in the fight.
01:45:25.000
They don't remember getting up in the morning, brushing their teeth, taking shit.
01:45:32.000
It shuts off everything, and then when it comes back, your memory's just real sketchy.
01:45:38.000
Quite a few fighters have said after they got knocked out that they have no memory of that day at all.
01:46:01.000
Let me apologize now to the people who came to that.
01:46:12.000
Maybe you can hit me with some NAD or some shit.
01:46:15.000
Do you take Adderall sometimes when you're not feeling good?
01:46:18.000
I used to take it for hangovers, and I just get too cracked out.
01:46:52.000
So now I'm taking blue juice on top of the Adderall.
01:46:55.000
Then you try to drink it away when the show's over.
01:47:11.000
The problem with Adderall, what scares me about it is it's effective.
01:47:16.000
If I started taking something that was effective like that, I don't know if I'd be able to go, no, no, no, let's go back to just being natural.
01:47:24.000
And I have some on me if you guys want to straighten out.
01:47:32.000
Are you certain that that combination is a good combination?
01:47:41.000
It might be a fucking chemical war in your body.
01:47:55.000
There was a Colorado shooter, and then when they interviewed his dad, it turns out his dad was a...
01:48:02.000
He fought in the UFC. His dad did a lot of Adderall.
01:48:05.000
I'm pretty sure Aaron Brink fought in the UFC. Yeah, he did.
01:48:08.000
And he was a legit MMA fighter back in the day, and then he became a porn star.
01:48:13.000
And his reaction to finding out that his son...
01:48:18.000
Was a shooter is the craziest thing you'll ever see.
01:48:58.000
I show the thing that works, it's instant, and you'll get immediate results.
01:49:17.000
Well, I guess we shouldn't be pointing and laughing right now.
01:49:36.000
People can go fine if you want to, but he's severely troubled.
01:49:51.000
It's like my own script, so no one else can read my shit.
01:50:18.000
The thing's a bummer, but it's even more of a bummer, the rest of it.
01:50:24.000
The same guy said he jerked off 10-12 hours a day.
01:50:56.000
Imagine where we live in 2022. That kind of thing where there's shootings, mass shootings, multiple times a week.
01:51:11.000
One guy saw, oh, we can shoot people now, and then they just do it.
01:51:17.000
We need an episode on the Colorado shooter's father, a drug smuggling, meth-using, MMA fighter turned porn star.
01:51:44.000
Did you see that this guy got assassinated in his car by the police?
01:51:57.000
He was cheering for USA. Pull the Charmin Bears up.
01:52:17.000
Iranman said killed by security forces while celebrating World Cup loss to USA. He was rubbing it in everybody's face.
01:52:23.000
He was like, ah, losers, you care about soccer.
01:52:26.000
There's a lot of people that are angry in Iran right now.
01:52:32.000
So, uh, he was honking his horn and they just fucking shot into his car and killed him, shot him in the head.
01:52:39.000
Dude, that's a guy next to him who worked at Cafe Wa after Trump got elected, black guy.
01:52:43.000
He started going to everybody and goes, we did it!
01:52:46.000
He started trying to give him high fives the night of the election.
01:53:11.000
I can only compete so many times on who has to pee.
01:53:21.000
As a bedwetter, I've got a bladder like you wouldn't believe.
01:53:24.000
Seriously, my dad wouldn't let me pee after 6pm.
01:53:28.000
Well, he wouldn't let me have liquid after 6 p.m.
01:53:30.000
because he was worried about me wetting the bed.
01:53:40.000
No, but I had the thing that I clipped to my boxers and it felt wetness and it would beep.
01:53:49.000
And I drink water with electrolytes at night and I know I have to pee.
01:54:03.000
And in the middle of the night, I'm like, you dumb motherfucker.
01:54:20.000
Well, I take edibles just to conk out, and then I take Seroquil.
01:54:33.000
Give it a Goog, J-Mo, but I can't sleep without it.
01:54:38.000
But don't you think eventually you'd fall asleep?
01:54:41.000
Yeah, but then you gotta wake up at, you know, 8. He's hooked.
01:54:44.000
But don't you think that eventually you'd get into a cycle where you could just go to sleep and then wake up?
01:54:55.000
It keeps going like, so your mind, okay, so it's like an idea thing.
01:55:00.000
So you're like flooded with ideas and you have to lay down and you're lying down and you can't stop thinking.
01:55:04.000
The memories, the childhood, the jokes, the mean stuff, the hatred.
01:55:11.000
You're tired, as soon as you shut your eyes, it goes...
01:55:13.000
You say the mean stuff and the hatred, is that the predominant?
01:55:19.000
You know, mean thoughts, you suck, you're not funny, you're worthless, you know, all that shit.
01:55:35.000
Uncontrollable, repetitive facial movements associated with antipsychotics, including Seroquel.
01:55:45.000
Has been reported, although may cause weight gain in some people.
01:55:49.000
May precipitate a manic episode in people with undiagnosed bipolar disorder.
01:56:03.000
Your doctor should monitor progression of potential long-term side effects of Seroquel, which can include cataracts, weight gain, high blood sugar, high cholesterol, and tardive dyskinesia.
01:56:23.000
I said, well, just stay up until you can't sleep anymore.
01:56:30.000
I'm drinking, the flights, the shows, the gigs.
01:56:44.000
Do you love that you can take a sleeping pill and conk out?
01:57:02.000
He had made dinner in the middle of the night and didn't know about it.
01:57:05.000
And he went downstairs and was like, who the fuck made this?
01:58:00.000
Yeah, some sucker adopted her, and then the dumb fucking inbred kid was allergic.
01:58:14.000
I've never heard of a guy say it's not a rescue.
01:58:34.000
Although the people that would have a French Bulldog would say it's a rescue.
01:58:38.000
Certain dogs, like, they've just engineered them to be love machines.
01:58:45.000
There's dogs that are just fucking love machines.
01:58:51.000
Because they used to herd sheep and fuck kids or whatever, but now they don't want that anymore.
01:59:22.000
We got a good thing cooking, except Ari's out to lunch.
01:59:40.000
We don't see each other until every four months.
01:59:45.000
We just got to be careful with the crosstalk, because nobody can understand anything anybody's saying.
02:00:14.000
Well, I'm sure they probably filmed it all before that.
02:00:28.000
It's an action thriller is what it's listed as.
02:00:30.000
Maybe the guilt will kick in and we'll all go see it.
02:00:40.000
The hard part is Chris Rock has a lot of pressure to write a chunk on that.
02:00:49.000
He's not going to let him, like, everyone's like, now we want a bit about that, because I was already writing bits.
02:01:10.000
It was one of those moments in comedy where you're like, God damn.
02:01:17.000
But he had a joke about it, and it was incredibly funny.
02:01:21.000
Thank God he didn't fucking heed your advice, dickhead.
02:01:30.000
I saw at the VU and he was like, the phones are locked up, right?
02:01:39.000
And I was like, I know, it felt like old comedy again.
02:01:45.000
After getting slapped like that, and they give a standing ovation to the guy that slapped him.
02:01:54.000
And if anybody didn't know it, if you watch that pattern of behavior, how that all plays out, and how that makes any sense to anybody, that's how crazy those people are.
02:02:24.000
That's the first addition to this group, is that dog.
02:03:02.000
You ever hear Big J's joke about Michael Jackson had dog belly?
02:03:20.000
You can't have her running around here, brother.
02:03:41.000
Don't you feel better with the presence of a dog in hell?
02:04:01.000
Every time he has a reference, I want an image of it, please.
02:04:12.000
I'll never not think about it every time I say According to Jim.
02:04:15.000
Those shows, you try to watch those shows, try to watch one of those really bland sitcoms.
02:04:28.000
Don't they take the kids to be happy and jovial?
02:04:31.000
The wife's always too hot, and he's always an idiot.
02:04:41.000
It just seems like you're watching people wear powdered wigs in the 18th century.
02:04:52.000
Well, you know, the thing is, once you get used to doing podcasts and talking like this, talking normal, there he is.
02:05:27.000
That would have been his brother on that stupid show.
02:05:32.000
Listen, back in those days, especially in the 90s, when people offered you roles on sitcoms, you said yes.
02:05:51.000
There's a scene in news radio that I always point to.
02:05:57.000
They didn't get any good takes without Joe laughing.
02:06:01.000
It's them bearing a rat, and someone's like, we should say a service to the rat.
02:06:05.000
And then he's so funny, and Joe's like, they're like, Joe, just say nothing, I'm sure, right?
02:06:10.000
I was just hanging in there as much as I could.
02:06:37.000
For our kind, it's camaraderie and conversation.
02:06:40.000
But for those poor creatures eking out a hardscrabble existence every day, it's something else entirely.
02:07:25.000
No, but if it was me, I'd say please turn this off.
02:08:17.000
It's theobromine content which dogs are unable to metabolize correctly.
02:08:22.000
If your dog eats chocolate, you should monitor them closely to see and seek veterinary attention if they show any symptoms, or if they're very young, pregnant, or have other health concerns.
02:08:44.000
You ever hear about that bear that ate the cocaine?
02:08:57.000
Yeah, like some dudes like drop some coke out of parachutes.
02:09:23.000
This is probably the best movie you'll ever see.
02:09:35.000
They find packages of coke based inspired by truth.
02:10:14.000
This is like the worst movie this ever really was.
02:10:23.000
I don't think you're creative enough to change it.
02:10:25.000
We keep talking about doing like a fight companion for bad movies.
02:10:36.000
They should have gone the other way and have the bear be like, we should start a bar.
02:10:45.000
FTX. That FTX thing is crazy because so many people were spokespeople for it.
02:10:51.000
Is that the one where Tom Brady broke up his marriage?
02:11:04.000
I'm telling you, she was like, we better split ties right now there, Tommy, because it's about to get ugly.
02:11:29.000
When he was comparing it to people going to the moon, and I'm like, bro...
02:11:37.000
Thank you, JD. JD, correct me real quick for you.
02:11:43.000
We can't have three different conversations going on, kids.
02:11:48.000
He was doing that commercial where he was comparing it to space travel.
02:11:56.000
Telling all these fucking barely-making people to throw all the money at us.
02:11:59.000
...who almost adventured, who almost achieved, but ultimately...
02:12:11.000
We're talking about people who embrace the moment.
02:12:27.000
It's funny, those guys invented flight and climbed a mountain.
02:12:37.000
Four simple words that have been whispered by the intrepid since the time of the Romans.
02:12:51.000
When something like that FTX thing goes down where you watch billions of dollars just disappear, yeah.
02:13:48.000
So some people are saying, but then there's also the people that are like, where's my money?
02:13:53.000
And this guy is just going to go to some New York Times thing that they're doing this week, right?
02:14:01.000
They've got some New York Times thing where people are speaking, and he's gonna go up there, hey, I fucked up.
02:14:22.000
A bunch of that over to FTX this year when they shut down.
02:14:28.000
And that means, you know, I think it was over collateralized positions, but positions that involve substantial size and substantial U.S. dollar size.
02:14:51.000
Alright, put the headphones on so you can hear this guy.
02:15:33.000
I mean, given the size of the position, I think it was...
02:15:37.000
If not in intention, it was, in effect, tied together substantially more than I would have ever wanted it to be.
02:16:06.000
I know the people from Alameda decently well, almost as if you don't know what's happening there.
02:16:12.000
And there isn't like a large amount, you know, of ways remain that we are actively working together.
02:16:17.000
Anything like that, Alameda is a wholly separate entity.
02:16:21.000
There are different offices, like different principal offices.
02:16:27.000
We not all are under the same corporate umbrella or anything like that.
02:16:30.000
And yet it seems Like Alameda people, we're living in the same penthouse where you may very well be right now.
02:16:38.000
I guess it seems that way, doesn't it, asshole?
02:16:52.000
I did live with one or two members of Alameda for a little while.
02:16:59.000
And I'll also say that as I was earlier this summer looking at the relationship, What a dweeb!
02:17:25.000
That had fallen off from something like 85% in 2019 to something like 2%.
02:17:31.000
This year, but in terms of positions and balances...
02:17:42.000
Yeah, he's tweaking out like Hitler at those fucking games.
02:17:59.000
And, you know, they've got, like, all these tweets and shit.
02:18:03.000
Different things that they've said in different...
02:18:06.000
Statements that he said about his company that just seemed to be untrue.
02:18:09.000
Live updates of the stuff he was saying during it, too.
02:18:12.000
But the thing that he was just discussing there was another company called Alameda, and apparently they'd moved $10 billion over to Alameda, and they don't know how that was done or what it was done, but it was like a company that was connected to them.
02:18:28.000
And initially he lied about it and said he didn't work with those people, and they were all banging each other.
02:18:53.000
This lady who was one of them, she wrote on Twitter.
02:18:56.000
This was like one of the top people at his company.
02:19:06.000
You know you're on shrooms when the screen is all flunky.
02:19:10.000
I feel like I watch things and they're not even there.
02:19:14.000
I can just picture things happening on that screen.
02:19:28.000
Nothing like regular amphetamine used to make you appreciate how dumb a lot of normal, non-medicated human experience is.
02:19:35.000
This is in April of 2021. I thought that's her reaction to what we just saw.
02:19:42.000
She was one of the top people over there, and they were all banging each other.
02:19:46.000
On speed, banging each other, making billions of fake money.
02:19:49.000
Figure out a way to take the money away from the people?
02:19:56.000
They lived in a $40 million penthouse, and now it's listed for sale.
02:20:15.000
They're pushing half-saw dicks into each other.
02:20:24.000
Part of me is like, I wish they weren't stealing money.
02:20:35.000
If it wasn't a Ponzi scheme, it would be nice to be off there.
02:20:37.000
It would be amazing to see that they succeed and they go over there and they start making all this money.
02:20:48.000
But that guy either goes school shooter or crypto.
02:20:59.000
It's like, there's something about people that are just venturing out into the world of a new thing that you're just like, are you sure?
02:21:11.000
Yeah, but I don't mean just people investing in it.
02:21:12.000
I mean, people that are like the top executives and they're involved in this.
02:21:16.000
It's like, what a weird fucking world you're navigating.
02:21:40.000
Your dog just tried to eat something off the table.
02:21:49.000
I just don't want your dog to accidentally get fucked up.
02:22:10.000
We'll do three or four Protect Our Parks between now and then.
02:22:26.000
Well, you're going to be in Guatemala fighting the pirates or who knows what.
02:22:40.000
One of us statistically, maybe J-Mo, but statistically, one of us will die.
02:23:03.000
I mean, think about how many comics since we've started have died.
02:23:36.000
It's just that you don't appreciate, you don't want to live forever.
02:23:46.000
Yeah, because she said there's too many Nazis on Twitter.
02:23:49.000
It's so funny that they're like, oh, yeah, we don't care about recycling anymore.
02:24:03.000
Yeah, Adidas, that was the craziest thing about them dropping Kanye.
02:24:08.000
IBM. I got fired from the IBM spot because of a tweet once, but I was like, you made systems to process Jews faster.
02:24:16.000
Wasn't, didn't Audi make like one of the very first race cars for Hitler?
02:24:21.000
Wasn't there a race car for Hitler that was made by Audi?
02:24:27.000
It's not the fucking engineer's fault that they were stuck in Nazi Germany.
02:24:38.000
It was supposed to like win the war or win, you know, races for the Nazi Party.
02:24:42.000
Well, he hated that Jesse Owens, I'll tell you that.
02:24:53.000
Googled BMW and I clicked on the wrong one as well.
02:25:16.000
That's the craziest thing about the German engineers.
02:25:24.000
The thing about the engineering back then, do you know how much better that was than anything America was making?
02:25:34.000
Yeah, I think they were connected somehow or another.
02:25:36.000
It's almost like it was a conspiracy to try to bring them down.
02:25:45.000
I forget what that worked, but I do remember the Audi symbol in the front.
02:25:53.000
You know what's amazing is how many people came out of that Nazi party that were fucking incredible engineers to the point where the United States adopted a bunch of them, the Soviets took a bunch of them.
02:26:12.000
Well, there's towns down there that are, like, fully German towns.
02:26:21.000
Tim Kennedy did that show called Finding Hitler.
02:26:31.000
The conspiracy theory was that Hitler had escaped and Hitler had made it to South America.
02:26:54.000
He ate cyanide, shot himself, and then they burned the body.
02:27:00.000
Because he knew we'd be on the Joe Rogan Experience going, where the fuck did that guy go?
02:27:11.000
Yeah, you gotta think about how many fucking insanely brilliant engineers and rocket scientists came out of that horrible regime.
02:27:22.000
Hitler and Eva Braun's remains were burnt in a shell crater outside the emergency exit at the left.
02:27:41.000
Imagine they all just live in this town together and they go like this.
02:27:52.000
We gotta just accept everybody for who they are.
02:28:04.000
Like, there's pictures on people's walls of, like, SS soldiers.
02:28:19.000
But it's also, it's like, what do you have the most video footage of?
02:28:37.000
If Hitler wasn't a thing and you had that mustache too.
02:28:58.000
If anybody could do it, he could do it, and even he couldn't do it.
02:29:00.000
Well, he's the best at what he does as well as Hitler.
02:29:09.000
I heard him think that he liked Napoleon so much.
02:29:12.000
He was a great world leader, took over, dominated.
02:29:19.000
And he would make everybody, he built it small, so when you entered Napoleon's tomb, you had to lower your head out of respect.
02:29:25.000
And Hitler knew that, and he goes, in the church in Notre Dame, and he goes, build me a series of mirrors so I don't have to lower my head.
02:29:35.000
Yeah, and he was able to see his body standing straight up.
02:29:49.000
A filled Bavarian mustache, the kind of extravagant chops you can hang a hat on.
02:29:54.000
However, his superiors in the Bavarian Infantry Division ordered him to clip his mustache down so his gas mask would fit over his mouth properly.
02:30:08.000
So that mustache was to make a gas mask fit right.
02:30:12.000
Yeah, did you watch All Quiet on the Western Front?
02:30:24.000
Well, it doesn't get talked about because of the sequel.
02:30:40.000
Part two on the Eastern Front was the worst of all time.
02:31:37.000
What's really crazy is that kind of warfare is not that far long ago.
02:31:45.000
That's how they used to march towards each other.
02:31:51.000
But at least the Revolutionary War, you know why it started.
02:31:55.000
But you know why they're doing it, because of slavery, right?
02:31:58.000
Do you know what Metzger said to me last night that was intense?
02:32:02.000
Metzger goes, he goes, don't you fucking notice in video games, the number one video game is a World War II game?
02:32:08.000
He goes, is this the last one people feel good about winning?
02:32:11.000
World War II. You can go back to World War II. We were the good guys.
02:32:15.000
So that's the reason why you don't have modern weapons.
02:32:22.000
Everybody likes to duke it out like they're in the 40s.
02:32:25.000
You have real now warfare where they go like blowing up holes in like windows and like, sorry, keep your fucking dinner.
02:32:34.000
You're like some regular person and you get online and you play like one of those games against these psychos that are on all day long.
02:32:44.000
There's people that are playing those games all day long.
02:33:15.000
You're going to have so much fun, you're not even going to feel bad about it.
02:33:18.000
But then you look back, you're like, how many hours was that?
02:33:22.000
The last Call of Duty War Zone was built on Ukraine in a war zone, and it was way too close to reality.
02:33:29.000
There's real-life places that were really there in a city called Dostoyevsky.
02:33:45.000
And it came out right when the pandemic started.
02:33:49.000
And then two years later, there's an actual war going on where all this is happening.
02:33:57.000
It's not a one-to-one recreation, but it's very close.
02:34:06.000
Well, I'm making fun of them, but you know, they do say that it does improve your brain function.
02:34:12.000
Like, we wanted to say, oh, you have to play chess in order to make your brain function better.
02:34:25.000
But yeah, no, they're good for depression as well.
02:34:36.000
Sometimes you get done with them and you're like, what happened?
02:35:05.000
Yeah, you could be learning shit, but would you be enjoying yourself as much?
02:35:10.000
They give you something, but we just want to discount the enjoyment that they give you.
02:35:14.000
We love all kinds of enjoyment, but if you get enjoyment from a screen, what are you doing?
02:35:19.000
Waste your life getting enjoyment just doing that.
02:35:23.000
Like, if you just sit and meditate, everybody's cool with it.
02:35:32.000
Like, one way, you're watching something, and the other way, you're like, oh, mmm.
02:35:42.000
You hold a book open, but you're like, that's a smart guy getting shit done.
02:35:45.000
But you could be reading a Kindle, and I go, ah, he's on a screen.
02:35:49.000
I think meditating is good for you, don't get me wrong, but if you're meditating, there's a part of you that's like, I'm just going to just settle down and relax.
02:36:01.000
Just gonna find my center and then approach life from here.
02:36:07.000
This might be the shrooms talking, but what if we have real problems in America?
02:36:11.000
What if we made them into video games and let kids solve them?
02:36:23.000
That's Project X with Matthew Broderick and Ender's Game.
02:36:36.000
They make a kid think he's playing a game, but he's actually, like, controlling the whole fucking army.
02:36:44.000
If they just keep making drones, our drones fight each other.
02:36:50.000
How long before we have like proxy wars with machines going after each other?
02:37:00.000
I don't know, but we're trying to do a show here with entertainment.
02:37:13.000
You look like one of those Eastern Island cuts.
02:37:27.000
It'd be so funny if we just, tomorrow, delete it.
02:37:53.000
He goes, no, I have terrible back pain all the time.
02:37:57.000
Yeah, if you have like an imbalance, like a big fat wallet on one side and you sit on it, you're gonna get a fucked up back.
02:38:04.000
Yeah, it's a lot of pressure on one side of the disc.
02:38:08.000
Alright, so you're constantly hinging and you're putting like this unnatural weight on one side of your back because you've got a rock under your ass.
02:38:21.000
Yeah, you shouldn't sit with anything in your back pocket.
02:39:01.000
What an uncomfortable plan for it to be very high on.
02:39:07.000
Dude, it was so funny seeing on like CNN or some dumb shit thing.
02:39:21.000
We were dressed like clowns where the show was lit by candles.
02:39:29.000
Dude, they've quoted me before where I was dressed like one of the patriots.
02:39:37.000
Yeah, I had a powder wig on, I put the costume on, and we're talking about freedom and liberty.
02:40:25.000
We were laughing, and he was talking about kicking a wolf's ass.
02:40:29.000
He was like, I wish some bitch-ass wolf would try.
02:40:56.000
I mean, we're barbecued, and we're just talking nonsense.
02:41:04.000
But he's just a fucking regular dude who's got a wild talent.
02:41:15.000
And when they're not, it's just a defensive mechanism.
02:41:30.000
It's a red flag to an HR. I'll scribble on my face!
02:41:50.000
When I was little, it was very weird when I was young.
02:41:53.000
Imagine Joe Rogan as a six-year-old with those hands.
02:41:55.000
I had a gangly little body with these big-ass hands.
02:41:59.000
When I first started doing martial arts, I was skinny, really skinny, but I had these big-ass hands and feet.
02:42:41.000
Isn't it a trip how different people agree to talk in different parts of the world?
02:42:46.000
We just talk, hi, give it a pound, and you know it's from that part of the world.
02:42:51.000
If you're talking like us, if you're over there, if you're in England, and you're doing an impression of an American, and you're talking like us, it's probably hilarious.
02:43:02.000
Do you know sign language is a different language in different countries?
02:43:13.000
As soon as it gets scattered, it's gonna be like Bitcoin.
02:43:16.000
It's gonna be like all these other doggy coins.
02:43:20.000
Irish sign language is different than English sign language is different than American sign language.
02:43:25.000
And someone's probably gonna patent it and say, no, this is RE sign language.
02:43:31.000
But if you want to use this one, I got a piece.
02:43:47.000
Dave Foley from NewsRadio cured his arthritis with CBD. No, really?
02:43:52.000
Yeah, he used to have, like, heavy arthritis in his hands.
02:43:56.000
He started taking CBD and it just, like, completely...
02:44:02.000
At minimum, it's the bomb, but whatever it is, rub that shit on sore joints, it works.
02:44:18.000
The combination of the two, the thing is the big one is if you do THC with CBD. When I was in California and it was legal, you could get these things from Speedweed that were like one to one.
02:44:37.000
Because it was like, it relaxed you, it was really good for the muscles, but it also just...
02:45:07.000
Yeah, I know a bunch of people that love the Ambien.
02:45:11.000
A lot of people in the production side of business where they're fucking working constantly and they're overworked and overstressed and they've got to conk out because you've got to be up in seven hours no matter what.
02:45:27.000
And if you wake up, is it possible that you could wake up and be fully Ambien'd up still?
02:45:39.000
He would take over Peter Parker and then he'd put him back to bed at the end of the night.
02:46:00.000
I've been good with the working out, but my food intake is off the charts.
02:46:11.000
The problem with doing these Sober October type deals is when you get obsessed and you go through something for like a month, at the end of it you want to celebrate and you don't want to do anything anymore.
02:46:22.000
And I've been trying to keep up the workouts, and I'm going to make myself do five days a week.
02:46:34.000
Like, just stay strong until that day, then I'm good.
02:46:36.000
And then you take a week off, and now it's a new habit.
02:46:43.000
I'd like to have kids one day and I worry about the comedy.
02:46:45.000
Some kids are going to go, hey, look at your dad's talking about pedophilia.
02:47:10.000
And if they crack on you and they get you, it's funny.
02:47:13.000
But it's also like teaching them how to banter with people so people don't make them feel bad.
02:47:18.000
Now, do they get shit from other people who don't like you?
02:47:26.000
I still picture a kid like one years old, so whatever.
02:47:33.000
Look, it's super bizarre being any person that has kids.
02:47:40.000
All the other bizarre stuff, the extra stuff that comes with being famous, that's not nearly as bizarre as just the making the human being part.
02:47:50.000
If you're a parent, everybody gets that, which is the wackiest, which is you just made a human.
02:47:56.000
You've got to teach them stuff and raise them and high-five them.
02:48:06.000
About how it should be like one of them bad action movies where a president and the general have to turn the key to the exact same time.
02:48:15.000
You should have a sensor on your dick to make sure it's not hard.
02:48:33.000
I have to pee, but I don't want to look in the mirror.
02:49:12.000
Who thought fucking psychedelics was a good idea for this podcast?
02:49:32.000
I didn't know how weird he was until I saw that stack of notes.
02:49:38.000
It's a fucking fucked up thing to see while you're high, too.
02:49:44.000
It's also like that style of jokes he has on stage.
02:49:55.000
One thing you have to admit, you gotta admit that stack of notes, that's dedication.
02:50:05.000
It's crazy the way he organizes it, but what he's writing down, that amount of focus...
02:50:18.000
Yeah, when he was struggling over like, for that half hour, he's like, give him a Netflix, I don't know.
02:50:22.000
And then at some point, everyone's like, you'll just write a new hour in like six months.
02:50:31.000
But seeing that thing, I'm like, dude, you're gonna be walking real fucked up when you get old.
02:50:37.000
You can't sit on your ass like that with, like, one lump over here and one lump over there.
02:50:45.000
You're not supposed to be sitting on these unbalanced things, man.
02:51:08.000
That's where the weed and the fear factor money goes.
02:51:23.000
No, man, I like fanny packs because I don't like shit in my pockets.
02:51:29.000
If you want to go up a flight of stairs and then you've got this fucking chapstick in your fucking pants.
02:51:35.000
I watched this fucking psycho walk down an escalator.
02:51:41.000
He's always trying to get his little workouts in.
02:51:50.000
Once you commit to something, you can just turn around.
02:52:00.000
For all the people that are coming up, they're like, what the fuck, buddy?
02:52:04.000
And you're You're like, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me!
02:52:22.000
He went down the escalator going up, and he like...
02:52:38.000
Take that fucking knot out of your pocket, please.
02:52:52.000
You're gonna fuck your back up, I'm telling you.
02:53:15.000
You can't be fucking sitting on a giant five...
02:53:18.000
We were saying it's an amazing testament to your dedication as a stand.
02:53:48.000
I just don't, I love you and I don't want you to hurt your back.
02:54:02.000
Sometimes you're on the walk home, you left Norman, and you're just like, oh, I see what he said.
02:54:11.000
Dude, it took me like a week and a half to figure out what your six million meant.
02:54:22.000
I'm like, I'm telling you, eight million's real.
02:54:30.000
When you think about it, it probably wasn't William.
02:54:43.000
I was high enough that it was very, very funny.
02:54:47.000
Like, he was just an Ohio factory worker and somebody was like, aren't you that SS guard?
02:54:53.000
And they were like, aren't you fucking Ivan the Terrible?
02:55:09.000
Survivor was like, wait, wait, I know this guy.
02:55:14.000
Here's the thing, I was watching him for the first time.
02:55:16.000
Obviously, it's extremely dark, but it was funny.
02:55:19.000
If you imagine that he is just a factory worker that's just like, what?
02:55:29.000
What if he's one of those guys that looks like Drake?
02:55:34.000
There's a lot of people out there that look like celebs.
02:55:39.000
And now you're 80. And you're like, that is him.
02:55:43.000
And as you're getting older, your face looks...
02:55:45.000
You're on a fucking plane to Jerusalem where they're going to hang you.
02:55:54.000
And every single thing in the jury, they're like, are you him?
02:56:13.000
SS officer at Treblinka, you'd be like, fuck no!
02:56:16.000
You'd think by the end he'd be like, yeah, it was me, fuck you guys.
02:56:31.000
He got a five-year sentence and he died trying to get a pill.
02:56:35.000
He died while he was appealing, so according to their law, he's not guilty.
02:56:43.000
There's not enough evidence to find him guilty of being Ivan the Terrible, but they did.
02:56:49.000
I think legally, though, if you die while on trial, you're not guilty.
02:57:00.000
Yeah, so they no longer seek a determination on his guilt or innocence.
02:57:09.000
They've had like these mock trials for people after they're dead.
02:57:17.000
They've had those mock trials for people after they're dead, right?
02:57:33.000
No, and I mean, they try people after they're dead.
02:57:38.000
They did something on TV recently, I'm trying to find.
02:57:40.000
Just so the legal system can say, like, we also are on the side that he did.
02:57:52.000
I'm getting on a flight back to fucking New York right now.
02:58:01.000
You're going to have the best set of your life.
02:58:10.000
I had about nine bars out of a vending machine.
02:58:31.000
Damn it, I needed ten more minutes I could outlast you.
02:58:59.000
It's a very intense thing to be very high on mushrooms.
02:59:05.000
You just listen to the dumb fucking conversation.
02:59:09.000
Yeah, I was fighting through that crypto thing.
02:59:53.000
Yeah, there's been a couple where I've been involved more.
03:00:04.000
I don't have a camera on me right now, so I can't put it on me.
03:00:16.000
And Ari is in the bathroom peeing and his dog is this far from the door and doesn't move.
03:00:23.000
The dog just sits there with her nose through the door and doesn't move.
03:00:31.000
That's the kind of love that you get from a rescue dog.
03:00:35.000
That's not a dog that was raised with love as a puppy.
03:00:47.000
It's a different kind of love that you get from dogs that have experienced bad times.
03:01:01.000
I like that picture of the two of you guys in that 2002, that old-school BMW that you have.
03:01:11.000
You know that car saved BMW? They were going under, and that car brought them out of it.
03:01:22.000
Yeah, it's probably pretty good to handle, too, right?
03:01:32.000
I took it to the shop just to make sure, and they're like, it's perfect.
03:01:35.000
Are you going to spend some of that sweet, sweet YouTube money on a nice car?
03:01:40.000
Yeah, well, that money could buy maybe a nice 60. I think you need one.
03:01:42.000
I've been trying to talk you into a BMW for years.
03:01:45.000
You probably got like an 89 Jetta with that money.
03:01:59.000
I used to doodle BMW Insignias when I was in high school.
03:02:06.000
Get an M4. Get the coupe since you're high society.
03:02:15.000
I just don't want to go through the trouble of buying it.
03:02:17.000
I don't want to spend like three days buying a car.
03:02:50.000
Now bring up one that looks like it's been in an accident.
03:02:55.000
The one that looks like it's been in an accident?
03:03:10.000
You don't need an E46. You don't need that shit.
03:03:18.000
You don't even need the M3. Is it a milk bucket?
03:03:45.000
What's the car that brings the least amount of excitement when you see it?
03:03:59.000
I gave it to my sister, now she drives it and I'm jealous.
03:04:08.000
What, you got a canvas interior stock, AM, FM? Okay, but go to a Prius.
03:04:20.000
They're trying to sex it up, but it's not going to happen.
03:04:25.000
Well, Tesla came in and jizzed right in their face.
03:04:34.000
Look at that S. Look at that one, getting from the top, that gold one, right there, the next one.
03:04:53.000
You're driving that, you dress like a moron, going to get groceries?
03:05:14.000
Whenever Greg Fitzsimmons would show up in his Prius, I'd be like, Gregory...
03:05:22.000
That's just like, you don't give a fuck what it looks like.
03:05:40.000
Now everybody's engine shuts off at every stoplight.
03:06:10.000
I drive to gigs in Jersey and D.C. or, you know, upstate.
03:07:06.000
He's listening to AM radio because that's the only option on that fucking thing.
03:07:19.000
Boys, if we were born 20 years earlier, we'd be on AM radio.
03:07:30.000
Well, if you go to other countries, they still do it.
03:07:34.000
But also, there's no crumpled zone on that cum guzzling.
03:07:55.000
I was in a car that flipped in high school and we landed in a ditch and the airbag popped.
03:08:23.000
Bro, how many comics became comics after head injuries?
03:08:51.000
You know the Crusades, like the back of your anal.
03:09:00.000
Your bit about the dudes who like history is fucking hilarious.
03:09:10.000
If you go over a guy's house, he's got a book on Thomas Jefferson on his front shelf.
03:09:23.000
That's a great bit about how becoming a Republican is turning into a werewolf.
03:09:27.000
You're like, there's so many black people in these commercials!
03:09:37.000
I got to watch my dad watch TV. It's been so long since I saw an old man watching TV. It's great.
03:09:50.000
They're just drilling old guys that are stuck on a couch.
03:09:58.000
Two guys making out and they're like, buy fucking insurance.
03:10:05.000
A lot of coins, a lot of plates, commemorative plates are still going.
03:10:10.000
Yeah, I get to see the Fox News commercials are the best.
03:10:31.000
He made it in the basement, and the wife was like, come up!
03:10:45.000
And then an eagle and a folded flag all together in that picture.
03:10:51.000
Bro, and I think that might be green screen, too.
03:11:00.000
Imagine a black guy walking in that room, you'd be like, I gotta get out of here.
03:11:07.000
Imagine walking in there, you'd be like, what the fuck's wrong with you, dude?
03:11:12.000
You would know exactly what you can and can't say to that guy.
03:11:47.000
You could just walk in there and be like, yeah, I'm ready to suck some dicks.
03:11:53.000
He'd push a button, the door would slam with a metal gate, and then you'd be done.
03:12:02.000
It's weird how prevalent it is with certain right-wing people.
03:12:10.000
I've had many conversations with people that just don't think that gay people should be allowed to get married.
03:12:20.000
They just think they have a stronger hold on their world.
03:12:23.000
They want to define that it's only between a man and a woman.
03:12:33.000
He and I had a conversation where, Jamie, you brought up, wasn't Nero married to a man?
03:12:43.000
Yeah, I think it said he had two husbands or boyfriends or something like that, Nero.
03:12:49.000
Well, there's a big difference in husbands or boyfriends.
03:13:21.000
Roman homosexuality was not expressed with romantic love, but with riotous orgies.
03:13:26.000
It's often linked to notorious Emperor Nero, a hedonistic ruler who married both women and men.
03:13:33.000
A man who is believed to have enjoyed penetrating as much as he enjoyed being penetrated by his well-endowed husband.
03:13:51.000
At that time in the world, that was way more common.
03:13:55.000
I could be wrong, but with Nero, I think that a lot of it could be...
03:13:58.000
Like, historians have looked back at him and been like, maybe that was political, like, smearing.
03:14:03.000
Like, all the rumors we have about him, that he was nuts and he did all this, it's just...
03:14:09.000
Yeah, he was a fucking gay guy, he fucked a bunch.
03:14:35.000
It's existed, like, someone sent me something that exists in, like, more than a hundred different animals, isn't it?
03:14:43.000
I just saw a video of some kid talking about it.
03:15:06.000
You can't come to the house anymore to even embrace my gay dog.
03:15:11.000
Your dog waits outside the door to the bathroom like only a rescue dog ever would.
03:15:32.000
It's from a rescue, but it was born into a rescue.
03:15:50.000
They were all having such a blast, man, in some lady's apartment.
03:16:10.000
You probably got it when it was three months old.
03:16:29.000
So was she like six weeks old or something, like right after?
03:16:41.000
I'm just saying, you know, I had to throw something in there.
03:17:05.000
Jamie, do you remember when Michigan played Ohio State?
03:17:10.000
Don't bring up Notre Dame, Ohio State, you fucking jerk.
03:17:13.000
I find it hilarious when dudes get very hurt about a team where they don't even live in that place anymore.
03:18:32.000
I think that's sort of like how they travel and then those now have turned into modern-day roads and highways and whatever.
03:18:40.000
Do you think that pattern just exists with everything?
03:18:49.000
You can do all roads with the fucking Viet, Czech Republic if you wanted.
03:18:52.000
I think they exaggerated this a lot because they darkened the middle lines and they looked like veins of a leaf.
03:19:00.000
It's all these outside stuff, Worcester and Reaching.
03:19:14.000
I asked the guy, why are the Boston comics, so it's like Patrice and Louie and Stano, but all these guys, Dane Cook, Gary Goldman, just keep going.
03:19:24.000
And he said, well, it's because of the outside towns.
03:19:26.000
Like, we act like it's Boston, but it's all the outside.
03:19:34.000
The reason why it got so good is because there was a core guys of really funny guys in the early 80s, and everybody just kind of imitated them.
03:19:44.000
And that was like Barry Crimmins and Lenny Clark and Don Gavin and those fucking animals.
03:19:52.000
Those guys back in that Chinese restaurant, the Ding Ho, they established There was comedy there.
03:19:58.000
Apparently it was the shit, and the guy lost it in a gambling match.
03:20:03.000
He gambled away all the money, and they had to close the place down.
03:20:09.000
But that era produced these comics that were so fucking funny.
03:20:13.000
And you go to see guys like Don Gavin live, you'd be like, holy shit, I just quit comedy.
03:20:19.000
Dude, you would see him murder in like the 80s and the 90s.
03:20:35.000
There's a lot of those guys that just never left.
03:20:41.000
And, you know, in town, they were the funniest people you'd ever seen in your life.
03:20:51.000
And they shattered the whole nebbishy thing, these like Woody Allen kind of a Jewy, like, oh, we're all awkward and uncomfortable.
03:20:59.000
And they're like, no, no, we're doing blow and fucking hookers.
03:21:01.000
These guys were all six foot two, punching each other, doing coke.
03:21:17.000
These people that started out in the beginning.
03:21:23.000
Steven Wright popped on The Tonight Show, and everybody was like, what is going on in Boston?
03:21:27.000
And then all these other guys were like, when is my turn coming up?
03:21:29.000
There's a great documentary about it, when stand-up stood out.
03:21:32.000
Yeah, because he was so the opposite of those guys.
03:21:41.000
He was a comic from Boston, and he made this documentary.
03:21:45.000
And it's just all about that era where everybody was, like, scrambling to get on television, and Gold Rush.
03:21:53.000
That's when they do the whole, how do you want to get paid, white or green?
03:22:40.000
Joey was saying that there's no love, Joe Rogan.
03:22:48.000
You're not making any connections with those people.
03:22:59.000
I don't think Pryor was getting coked up before he was performing, like when he did Live at the time of this trip.
03:23:05.000
He had a party waiting for him when he got off.
03:23:08.000
Robin Williams, though, was on stage on it, for sure.
03:23:23.000
I think that was just him murdering at the Comedy Store every fucking night for years.
03:23:27.000
The guy told him before, and he's like, dude, we're gonna let you go.
03:23:34.000
He took all those great bits and took the cuss words out and they were still great.
03:23:40.000
I didn't even realize how many bits he had done on that show.
03:23:53.000
But then Letterman years later wouldn't let Hicks do his joke.
03:24:03.000
They cut his whole set because he had an abortion bit.
03:24:18.000
So he did his set, did what he wanted to do, the material went great, killed, goes back, makes a bath, lines in there, gets a cigar, lighting a cigar, enjoying ourselves like, fucking we did it, giving himself a little bit of pleasure, and then he finds out.
03:24:35.000
I mean, this is the folklore that that is how it went down.
03:24:41.000
And they were like, nah, your thing, they're still fighting you.
03:24:56.000
Whether you thought it was the funniest thing you've ever heard before or not, that's not...
03:25:07.000
To the point where you would walk away and you're like, what am I doing?
03:25:12.000
People would question how they were doing comedy after they'd see them do comedy.
03:25:18.000
To the point where the punchline in Atlanta, they had a thing in the green room that said, quit being Hicks.
03:25:48.000
I was like, you gotta follow Norman at the style of this thing.
03:25:51.000
These have to be normal jokes that follow everybody.
03:25:56.000
But I think back then, there wasn't enough information about where the art form was going.
03:26:02.000
And so, like, people were just trying stuff, and it hadn't been done before.
03:26:06.000
You gotta feel like, Kinnison branches out, never been done before, you have this new guy, and then he comes along with Kinnison.
03:26:20.000
It's very similar to the way, uh, when I first saw Kinnison, and then I saw Hicks, I saw Hicks at the Comedy Connection, and I was like, wow, a lot of the sounds he makes are the same kind of sounds.
03:26:32.000
So whoever knows, I don't know who was the originator of it, but Hicks was very original.
03:26:54.000
I found the article about him getting banned and being irate.
03:27:02.000
Does it say that he found out while he was in the tub?
03:27:11.000
I'm pretty sure he was in the bathtub with a cigar.
03:27:15.000
I said Dave gave him a half of a Vanna cigar during the break.
03:27:18.000
He decided to smoke that cigar in his hotel room.
03:27:21.000
Robert Morton called him up and said that Hicks' six-minute set touched too many hot spots and in order it axed, Hicks said Morton told him.
03:27:30.000
According to Hicks, Morton said he fought tooth and nail to save it.
03:27:35.000
Late show representatives, meanwhile, are saying for the record that the decision was a joint one between the network and the show's producers.
03:27:42.000
It was just that it didn't fit into the show's set of standards, said the late show spokeswoman Rosemary Keenan.
03:27:50.000
Bill Hicks said the show's producers had reviewed and okayed his set a week before when he was bumped for time constraints from an earlier program.
03:27:59.000
He blames the network for what he considers a blatant act of censorship.
03:28:03.000
And he says, Hicks said, it's absolutely stunning to me the contempt in which the network holds the audience.
03:28:10.000
Hicks said, the idea that these people have standards is laughable.
03:28:17.000
He said, I performed this stuff for my mom on her porch in Little Rock, Arkansas.
03:28:21.000
He said, I even wore a delightful new outfit with fall colors.
03:28:32.000
Well, that was also one of his last sets, right?
03:28:44.000
You ever seen the documentary on him where he's a kid?
03:28:52.000
He's doing impressions of his teachers, and it's killing.
03:28:55.000
I think when you're a guy like that and you're traveling around the world, you're constantly creating and you're constantly trying to like fucking Figure out a way to entertain yourself and entertain people at the same time.
03:29:10.000
And you're working with a lot of people that are doing really dumb shit.
03:29:15.000
You get a guy that's just like, I'm happy to fill your lives with entertainment you couldn't possibly think up yourself.
03:29:24.000
And he would say that and just strut on stage like that.
03:29:29.000
Oh my god, I watched him bomb at the Knicks Comedy Stop.
03:29:38.000
There's a guy named Larry Norton, comic on a Harley.
03:29:51.000
But, you know, he's doing, like, cartoon characters.
03:29:54.000
He had, like, bits about cartoon characters smoking pot and shit.
03:29:58.000
And then Hicks goes on afterwards and, I mean, clears the room.
03:30:04.000
There was like 50 people left and we were dying.
03:30:10.000
Like, it never looked like it bothered him in the slightest.
03:30:27.000
He's playing to his audience, which is you guys in the back.
03:30:30.000
And there's 50 people still in the audience that really did enjoy it, just young people that were kind of wild.
03:30:35.000
But it was something happened between the shift from Larry Norton, Comic-Con to Harley, to Bill Hicks.
03:30:50.000
See, back then, Nick's Comedy Stop was the star.
03:30:59.000
They'd have, like, Billy Crystal headline for the weekend, and they'd put Steve Sweeney, Don Gavin, Lenny Clark, all these murders on in front of them, and they would destroy.
03:31:09.000
These guys are like the best headliners you ever saw in your life, and they only have to do like 20 minutes, so they're coming out guns blazing.
03:31:19.000
Do you think Comic on a Harley ever had to follow Hicks and go, ugh, I hate following this guy.
03:31:39.000
It was like such a lesson in the composure of a guy bombing.
03:31:47.000
Because, you know, I've never bombed and not felt terrible.
03:31:58.000
He was doing this bit where it's like John Davidson gets fucked up the ass...
03:32:06.000
John Davidson was the host of one of those shows.
03:32:12.000
And he gets fucked up the ass by the devil, and the devil implants his scaly semen inside his body, and then this guy has to shit it out on the toilet.
03:32:27.000
And so as he's shitting it out on the toilet, Hicks is sitting there grunting and shitting like, yeah!
03:32:35.000
And he looks around and he goes, yeah, this usually clears the room.
03:32:47.000
I'm sure you played the cunt video where he yelled the back.
03:32:52.000
I just love the idea of an audience member going to his wife like, We should go, right?
03:33:35.000
He yells at some woman in the audience that she's a cunt.
03:33:58.000
You know, it was like fake contempt because he loved performing, you know?
03:34:10.000
And one of the ways you elevate someone's standards, if you're that guy...
03:34:26.000
You know, in a lot of ways, Joey Diaz mirrors those thoughts.
03:34:30.000
Dude, one time me and Joey were at the La Jolla Comedy Store with Kelly Kirsten and I was too dirty and they were like, you could tell people were annoyed.
03:34:36.000
And so then after me, Kelly was on stage and some old couple was out The fucked up thing about comedy when you come into comedy and you don't know who's
03:35:08.000
It's like if you go into the comedy store on a Tuesday night and you don't know any of the people's names, you're just gonna go and hope you see comedy.
03:35:17.000
It's like, see, if you come to me, it's like, how about last night?
03:35:30.000
Rubbing my arm, I look up, you're like, well, the styles go up and down and they're different.
03:35:43.000
No one would ever have live music where you have rap music next to country.
03:35:52.000
You would never have all that on one show without telling people what's going on.
03:36:00.000
No, but you got Leslie Jones who actually did Jizzleneck.
03:36:29.000
Can we at least prep the crowd and let them know we've taken a lot of drugs?
03:36:50.000
Joe, can you sell ride the lightning pussy shirts?
03:36:53.000
Ride the Lightning Pussy is going to be my new special.
03:36:56.000
I was going to call it Sacred Clown because that's the name of the tour, but now it's Ride the Lightning Pussy.
03:37:11.000
Bro, how about the green room we're setting up?
03:37:21.000
When I walk around in it, man, I don't even believe it's real.
03:37:41.000
You can see the building where we're all gonna fight each other.
03:37:54.000
How do we prevent all that stupid shit from happening?
03:38:06.000
Come down the tunnel, there's a slobber knocker going on.
03:38:12.000
That's not fair, because then big guys would fuck small guys with girlfriends.
03:38:21.000
Come on, Todd Barry, put the fucking gloves on.
03:38:43.000
Imagine, that should be something you have on you all the time.
03:38:46.000
If some guy starts fucking you, you can just shut him off with a button.
03:38:50.000
My buddy's dad was a cop, and he had brought his taser out one night, and we had a blast.
03:39:23.000
Cow farms, and you would go touch the fucking wires.
03:39:33.000
You had injuries along with touching the wires.
03:39:36.000
And then you hold hands with your friends and see how...
03:39:48.000
So you all held hands until one of them touched the wire?
03:40:09.000
I would imagine that could fuck some people up.
03:40:13.000
Some people, a certain amount of Tylenol will kill you.
03:40:23.000
But we used to steal shrooms from cow farms, and then we'd get shot at.
03:40:33.000
Well, where Duncan used to live in Asheville, they actually started feeding the cows some antifungal food.
03:40:44.000
It fucked with the cows' microbiome so that the cow...
03:40:47.000
I don't even know if it worked, but the cows produced shit that fungus couldn't grow in.
03:40:53.000
You're adding money to your fucking overhead just to give people less joy?
03:40:59.000
If you were like fucking White Oaks pastures where everything is like regenerative farming, you'd have a mushroom harvester.
03:41:06.000
If you lived in a sane world, you could sell those mushrooms to your neighbors.
03:41:10.000
Dude, in Chiang Mai, the hippies start going to the elephant pastures.
03:41:17.000
They were like, why are all these hippies coming on our fucking elephant bastards at the late night?
03:41:22.000
And they figured it out, and they're like, hey, you guys are good.
03:41:28.000
I rode an elephant all the way to Chiang Mai down to the river.
03:41:56.000
I didn't want to ride the elephants because my perception is that they don't want to be ridden.
03:42:03.000
But they don't give a shit because they're so big it's literally like a kitten on your shoulders.
03:42:13.000
The worst part is when they play harmonica and you're like, that's not natural.
03:42:18.000
Yeah, you never saw them take a harmonica and start playing it?
03:42:23.000
Yeah, yeah, they play harmonica, or they'll draw a painting with their tusk.
03:42:51.000
He walked in his house, and he had this thing on the wall.
03:43:04.000
Whatever the fuck it is, some famous artist that had never heard of before.
03:43:28.000
But it was something crazy like that, where I was like, what are you talking about?
03:43:37.000
This is what happens to these people that have too much money.
03:43:40.000
They just find yachts and fucking houses and things and art.
03:44:12.000
I can't be on camera going, did you see what happened?
03:44:26.000
Well, Balenciaga had some fucked up ad photoshoot, but in the background they had the books of this one artist.
03:44:37.000
It's really like the darkest, weirdest art possible.
03:44:40.000
And they apologized because they said that someone made that and they didn't know what was in the background.
03:45:02.000
What scrap Balenciaga campaign featured book by painter whose work included castrated toddlers?
03:45:15.000
Yeah, but if you look at them all, you had a lot of them.
03:45:19.000
What are you going to do for the next 60 hours of your life, Ari?
03:45:43.000
Maybe there was like a message he was trying to convey with it.
03:46:02.000
It's like, is there a way that you can interpret that charitably?
03:46:05.000
We could say, like, he's trying to say something about circumcision.
03:46:12.000
Yeah, which you think, yeah, that's a fucked up thing, man.
03:46:19.000
When babies get circumcised, a lot of them, they get infections.
03:46:27.000
Yeah, there's a certain amount every year where that happens.
03:46:30.000
They lose their dicks to fucking circumcise them.
03:46:38.000
That's the problem, when you don't suck off that dick.
03:46:58.000
Jamie, can you Google, uh, Jews crossing the street?
03:47:05.000
Jews crossing the street is one of the greatest.
03:47:22.000
It was how many people lose their penises due to circumcision.
03:47:39.000
It's doing Jews crossing streets during a marathon in Brooklyn.
03:48:03.000
We live in a place where there's a fucking marathon.
03:48:14.000
What are you supposed to do when a marathon goes by and you want to cross the street?
03:48:40.000
Only time to shit yourself in public and people will commend you.
03:48:47.000
McCusker, my buddy, was talking about shitting at the beginning of a marathon.
03:48:57.000
He's been running with shit dripping down his legs.
03:49:30.000
Imagine a guy who's puking and shitting at mile one right away.
03:49:45.000
So he asked to decide, what am I doing with my life?
03:50:02.000
Every one of these podcasts ends with one of us like...
03:50:11.000
That was after 13. That was earlier in the race.
03:50:20.000
But even if you're doing 13 miles, like if a marathon is three hours.
03:50:36.000
Right when Tyria shits himself during race, finishes top of category anyway.
03:51:00.000
That would be like the cover of an album if he became a rapper.
03:52:06.000
Oh, so he's over there eating Shanghai food, too.
03:52:09.000
Imagine if you're not from there, you fly over there, you have some street tacos.
03:52:48.000
He couldn't stand his own smell as he was running.
03:53:27.000
You ever see the guy doing the flip and then they just play it backwards with shit going back into his boot?
03:53:35.000
It's the most beautiful thing that's ever been made.
03:53:38.000
Yeah, it flipped and shit and they just play backwards slow-mo.
03:53:58.000
There was a moment where I couldn't stop laughing at everything.
03:54:16.000
Look at this little log of shit that lands behind him.
03:54:32.000
What kind of confidence do you have in the ability to take a quick shit?
03:54:35.000
My theory is he tensed up, and he was doing it, and then she just shat.
03:54:42.000
If you ask me, can I reproduce that, I'm like, no, sir, I can't.
03:54:54.000
He would go, there was no doors on the stalls, so he would come up with a new way to shit every fucking day.
03:55:00.000
He would come up with a funny way to shit, so sometimes he'd be laying on top of the cross, and he'd shit straight down.
03:55:08.000
Sometimes he'd hold himself up at the roof of the stall.
03:55:26.000
T.J. came in and was like, what the fuck's going on?
03:55:40.000
The teacher had to be like, what the fuck was that?
03:55:58.000
I open up the toilet and there's a log, like a drowning sailor that was pulled onto the shore.
03:56:07.000
At the time he was too big to sit on the toilet, so he sat in the front of the toilet and just shit on the dock.
03:56:19.000
He just dropped a log on the beach and you open the door and you go...
03:56:41.000
There's so many milligrams of weed in that shit.
03:57:01.000
And there was a house with a heater grate on the floor.
03:57:11.000
The whole party in about 20 minutes was like, what the fuck?
03:57:16.000
Wait a minute, you're talking to a guy who shit in a Tupperware and opened it up on Skankfest.
03:57:42.000
Yeah, I shit in a Tupperware for Jay's birthday.
03:57:51.000
Yeah, he opened it up and it just fucking cleared.
03:58:09.000
Yeah, that's when he started wearing two glasses at once.
03:58:38.000
You know, the fact that those two guys separated and just went completely separate ways.
03:58:49.000
When you think it's done, it doubles down how much puke is going to come up.
03:59:04.000
And then what ONA was that was different was it was a hangout.
03:59:10.000
For the record, this guy that has his head tilted back said, if you make me an intern...
03:59:17.000
No, I thought that's how he got to be an intern.
03:59:21.000
I'm pretty sure he'd already scrubbed his teeth with cat shit.
03:59:34.000
But it was my recollection that they had a bunch of stories about him.
03:59:44.000
Earlier that day, he was like, puking it, I have Froot Loops, and I'll eat it.
03:59:57.000
He's heavily diabetic, and he took an eggnog shot a minute.
04:01:23.000
He's a legend and the greatest throw up artist.
04:01:27.000
He's the greatest throw up artist that has ever existed.
04:01:30.000
He was putting his life in danger while doing this because he's a diabetic.
04:01:38.000
Everything after that in radio is like, it's done.
04:01:47.000
More angles have popped up since this has come out.
04:01:58.000
What those guys did was they started off podcasts.
04:02:02.000
Because they let us come on as comics and hang.
04:02:10.000
And that's what taught us how to be podcasters.
04:02:38.000
I was in the cover booth and I saw Burr downstairs in the front patio talking and I was like, you're talking about the baby Burr, aren't you?
04:02:45.000
You can just tell the air of someone who saw this crazy thing.
04:02:48.000
Yeah, you and I were there for one of the craziest moments in media that someone could actually do that.
04:02:54.000
They would lay down garbage bags on the ground.
04:03:07.000
I said, why don't you have Pat Duffy lean back, put his head over the dumpster, and Pat from Wunaki throws up in his mouth.
04:03:16.000
This is definitely the origin of Legion of Skeks.
04:03:20.000
Well, the ONA vibe went through all of New York.
04:03:27.000
You were stuck in traffic, and you were listening to these guys telling people to climb face-first into dumpsters and shit.
04:03:35.000
They were crazy and they were doing something that was different and they would bring comics on and we would just hang.
04:03:43.000
It's a good metaphor for comedy, too, because they had some misses.
04:03:46.000
They had a few homeless things that were weird.
04:03:49.000
They did a lot of wild shit, and they got canceled, too.
04:03:52.000
They were one of the first people to get canceled.
04:03:53.000
They got kicked off the air because they had a homeless guy come on and say that he wanted to rape Condoleezza Rice.
04:04:00.000
I mean, they didn't even know what he was going to say.
04:04:08.000
And I wrote a blog post about that before I ever even did.
04:04:17.000
This is the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life.
04:04:20.000
If you think about all the terrible things that have happened in churches, particularly Catholic churches, and these two people decide to have consensual sex, you want to get mad at people for that sacrilege?
04:04:36.000
Of all the people that should shut the fuck up, that's number one.
04:04:40.000
Especially back then, before the internet, before these documentaries where people didn't know the extent of sexual abuse.
04:04:48.000
Very funny to make people fuck in a giant old cathedral.
04:04:53.000
And they're like loud fucking the entrance, follow them around.
04:04:56.000
Bro, you don't think that you would do that if you were 23 years old?
04:05:02.000
Your girlfriend's like, yeah, let's fucking do it.
04:05:08.000
They went on a party bus where the women showed their tits and they got arrested.
04:05:25.000
As soon as they're off stage, it's like, come on, you know what, we're going to jail.
04:05:30.000
Fifteen people were arrested yesterday aboard a raunchy rolling radio promotion bus after its topless female passengers drew crowds and stalled traffic, cops said.
04:05:41.000
The bus, which was promoting radio bad boys, Opie and Anthony, veered onto a midtown street, cleared for a presidential motorcade, but that wasn't the reason given for the arrest.
04:05:53.000
It was creating a crowd condition, a police source said.
04:06:00.000
So was that when they were doing Flash Friday or W.O.W.? Yeah, Louis Black and Jim Norton.
04:06:23.000
Ari, you have a quote that I tell the people all the time.
04:06:26.000
I said, Ari says, comedy's finally dangerous again.
04:06:30.000
Those people leave angry, and now they report us.
04:06:48.000
You think a joke is funny, you think a joke is joel funny, and then you're angry.
04:07:01.000
But some people think they have a right to be angry, so they use it to be angry.
04:07:07.000
And now there's kooks who get behind them and go, yeah, I'm angry too!
04:07:12.000
The thing is, it's like we're realizing that everybody's connected now, and it's starting to grow in its understanding of what's possible.
04:07:24.000
A lot of people got scared because they don't like the bad reaction to people that disagree with them, so they just go with this mind virus.
04:07:31.000
It's like really smart people that fucking read the comments all the time and it fucks with their head.
04:07:38.000
You're interacting with too many people in a non-human way.
04:07:41.000
You're interacting with too many people in text form.
04:08:00.000
Talented people, like, you know, that can derail you.
04:08:04.000
Yeah, but what about these weirdos with the art installations where they throw soup on a fucking painting?
04:08:12.000
For the environment, you're just going to destroy something beautiful?
04:08:19.000
You see what happened with the dummies in Germany?
04:08:20.000
They glued their hand on this thing, and they didn't know the thing was portable, so they just picked the thing up and took them into the back.
04:08:29.000
They didn't know the railing wasn't bolted to the floor.
04:08:57.000
At least they shit themselves earning something.
04:09:00.000
These are the same people who interrupted Bernie Sanders.
04:09:03.000
A lot of people believe if you don't stop climate change right now, we're all gonna die.
04:09:26.000
Well, first of all, their pronouns were he, she, they.
04:09:39.000
That's like getting double O in basketball as your number.
04:09:53.000
Yeah, but they called in and they were like, well, we're just trying to save the world, you know?
04:09:57.000
And you're like, I know, but you didn't do anything.
04:10:00.000
They did, though, because they're talking to people.
04:10:17.000
I love when a comedy club has a thing on the door.
04:10:21.000
But it says, you'll think of something right on the way out.
04:10:31.000
Follow the Fear is another one, a Del Close thing.
04:10:39.000
You know when you're kind of in a thing and you're like, I'm freaking out, I'm bombing, I'm flustered, and then you come out of it and it's a great moment?
04:10:48.000
At the green room, at the mothership, it's going to say, get it together, bitch.
04:10:54.000
Because that's what Joey Diaz used to say to me.
04:10:57.000
He used to say to me right before I go on stage, like, get it together, bitch.
04:11:06.000
Every time he would get off stage, he'd be like, fuck.
04:11:19.000
Like, anybody I'm with, they're like, I gotta take this.
04:11:33.000
And the fact that he thought he could sleep in a bunk on a bus, that didn't last ten minutes.
04:11:46.000
So many people in that bus farting and snoring.
04:11:52.000
It was literally, if you thought of the worst people to sleep in a bus with.
04:12:26.000
The way people talk about, Sturgill talks about buses, people talk about buses like, man, it's a fucking great time.
04:12:38.000
Just have fun hanging with comics every single day.
04:12:43.000
The problem is, like, the weekends as well I do.
04:12:46.000
I go out at night, like, in Austin, but, like, I'm a weekends guy.
04:12:51.000
When you got a bus, you're committed to going 1, 2, 3, 4, 10, 12. You were always that way, though.
04:12:56.000
Even at the store back before you were really going.
04:13:02.000
I'll do spots during the week for sure, always.
04:13:05.000
But it's like going somewhere to perform on the weekend.
04:13:13.000
It would be fun with five other comics, though.
04:13:18.000
You know, you're like, let's go down to Tijuana.
04:13:36.000
It's such a great idea, too, to do it in those baseball parks.
04:13:48.000
Do you know Sober October basically knocked him down 90% of his drinking?
04:14:03.000
And then Tom will be like, what about those three drinks at lunch?
04:14:13.000
If he did, he would still be just as funny and we'd have him longer.
04:14:17.000
My worry is that he's taking, you know, he takes medication and talks about it.
04:14:52.000
He's such a good dude that after we did that Sober October podcast, I called him up.
04:14:56.000
I'm like, hey man, you seem worried about stuff that's not important.
04:15:00.000
Why are you freaking out about, like, stupid shit?
04:15:03.000
Like, he's like, this person's taking advantage of and this and that.
04:15:06.000
And I'm like, dude, you're the fucking man right now.
04:15:21.000
Dude, we invited him to Norman's bachelor party, and I was like, he's probably too busy, but just invite him.
04:15:27.000
And he goes, oh, while I'm coming, matching outfits for everybody.
04:15:35.000
I'm glad we do Sober October just to give him a shot.
04:15:43.000
Well, he's the shirtless drunk guy, but people don't give him his due for how innovative he is.
04:15:48.000
Well, we were talking about when he came up with the drive-in thing.
04:15:54.000
The way he puts together those promos are hilarious.
04:15:59.000
And he takes his shirt off, and it's the loudest pop that anyone's ever heard in all of comedy.
04:16:07.000
When he did it at the Vulcan the other night, we were like, what the fuck, man?
04:16:14.000
I would love to see a collage of videos of him going home shirtless.
04:16:27.000
No, I'm just saying so many fat guys like slobbering with their sweaty body on top of his sweaty body.
04:16:31.000
Taking photos because they all take their shirts off for photos.
04:16:49.000
Yeah, we can talk about it because you weren't invited to the tour.
04:16:57.000
You get down to the set and then you're walking back to the fucking...
04:17:03.000
You're literally walking in the outfield during the summer night.
04:17:26.000
It's crazy, because I thought that was because she was a rescue dog.
04:17:31.000
Well, he takes that thing to Guatemala and shit.
04:17:34.000
I've rarely seen a dog that attached to a person.
04:17:49.000
Did you hear that pop when he went on stage last night?
04:18:01.000
I saw him every night at the stand in the cellar.
04:18:07.000
You know, that's a set that he had prepared before all that shit happened with him.
04:18:11.000
And then he abandoned it, wrote a whole new hour, and then we talked him into doing it again.
04:18:35.000
Like we were talking about those Kinnison specials.
04:18:41.000
And you know, he was one of the first guys to realize that, because he went on tour after he did HBO, and apparently he was trying to do some of the same bits.
04:18:48.000
And people knew the bits, and they were yelling out punchlines and shit.
04:18:51.000
It was like, oh my god, I have to write all new bits.
04:18:56.000
Like, Louis can do it because he's one of the best, but a lot of people thought, oh, I'll do an hour a year, whatever.
04:19:05.000
It's like you're making a mountain out of layers of paint.
04:19:14.000
But sometimes you're like, a year later, you're like, oh, that's a better ending.
04:19:22.000
After you've fucking recorded something, you have the best tagline ever, and you're like, ugh.
04:19:30.000
Yeah, but you have to bridge the gap if you're doing shows, right?
04:19:33.000
If your special's coming out in a few months and you have to do shows, you know as well as I do, you don't have a real hour after you film.
04:19:41.000
You have 15 minutes if you're lucky within the first month or so.
04:20:10.000
That kind of guy, he got in trouble for that one.
04:20:38.000
Dude, TJ will go on fucking obliterated and just...
04:20:43.000
Empty holsters and just kill for like as long as he wants to.
04:20:47.000
I won't be able to go on stage tonight with rehearsed material.
04:20:52.000
Yeah, it's interesting how people, like, there's certain times where people accept mental illness.
04:21:00.000
We only accept mental illness up to a certain extent.
04:21:03.000
And when it's not convenient, we don't accept mental illness.
04:21:09.000
When it's not convenient, when it's not convenient, we won't accept mental illness.
04:21:13.000
But when it's convenient, we'll give mental illness every fucking chance it can.
04:21:21.000
Wait till you see, again, Kanye's fucking Amazon.
04:21:39.000
He's getting wrapped up in all these things that are not what he's best at.
04:21:49.000
I mean, think about all the trouble that's caused him.
04:21:50.000
That's an insane amount of chaos that happened to his life in such a short period of time.
04:22:58.000
He's going through like a manic episode and people are like, Kanye, slow down.
04:23:04.000
I'm in the middle of the LA Coliseum murdering.
04:23:08.000
But don't you think that some of what people would call mental illness, it allows him to be able to be that dynamic on stage?
04:23:18.000
And it's a gift, but it's a gift that has to be managed.
04:23:23.000
But that was the thing, like when they drugged him up.
04:23:25.000
Remember when they drugged him up and he got chubby?
04:23:38.000
Bro, before he did the podcast, when Jamie got COVID, unfortunately we had to make things happen quickly and we had to use a set that we had.
04:23:49.000
He wanted to design a set that looked like a womb.
04:23:52.000
And we're going to do it in a warehouse somewhere.
04:23:59.000
And then Jamie got COVID. So we had to bring in Red Band, had to fill in for Jamie.
04:24:04.000
And so I'm like, I go, Kanye, my producer's sick.
04:24:09.000
So we're going to have to do it with a step-in producer who doesn't particularly know the setup as well.
04:24:22.000
He thought our studio looked like shit, but it did!
04:24:29.000
You know, I thought it looked cool at first, and then after a while I was like, what is this?
04:24:54.000
Yeah, the blue pill takes you back to the Matrix.
04:24:56.000
Take the red pill means see reality for what it is.
04:25:02.000
The idea is like, you know, like, if you're a person who sees where it's all going.
04:25:14.000
That was like a rep of his family house or something.
04:25:29.000
I mean, that kind of thinking, he wanted to do a podcast in a womb.
04:25:32.000
Can you imagine if Jamie didn't get COVID? If Jamie wasn't hanging out with floozies.
04:25:37.000
In the middle of the pandemic, Jamie got out floozying around.
04:25:50.000
Point is, that podcast could have been in a womb.
04:26:06.000
That is annoying when girls go, it tastes so good.
04:26:28.000
That'd be one of the greatest things someone's ever said.
04:26:46.000
Sucking your dick while she's holding a Tommy gun.
04:26:52.000
Imagine what those fucking days must have been like.
04:26:54.000
When people were just driving around with Tommy guns, robbing banks.
04:27:04.000
They figured out they could just pull guns on people and get a bunch of money and run away.
04:27:16.000
They all tried to have a shootout behind a mattress.
04:27:20.000
How many people actually got away with bank robberies, though?
04:27:24.000
By the way, I don't know if it's a great thing to promote here, you can get away, I think if you rob one bank, it's like 70%, you get away with it.
04:27:34.000
Like if you go and get like a makeup specialist to give you a fake nose.
04:27:42.000
Consequentially, many bank robbers are caught the same day.
04:27:45.000
The clearance rate for bank robberies is among the highest of all crimes at nearly 60%.
04:27:55.000
The craziest thing is that NASCAR is from bootleggers.
04:28:13.000
Dude, the first time I ever did radio in the South, I remember them bringing up NASCAR. I was like, what are you guys talking about?
04:28:18.000
And they're like, you didn't see what Dale did?
04:28:25.000
They cared so much more than we cared in the North.
04:28:29.000
I was realizing, this is pre-internet, there's places where you go, there's people that were famous, you had no idea who they were.
04:28:49.000
We were in the Honky Tonk bar, and we're these fucking dorks from LA. We're these dorks from LA. And this song comes on, and everyone knows the words.
04:29:01.000
And if you ask Ari and I whether or not that was a real song, we're like, that's not a real song.
04:29:08.000
They all sang along like we were being pranked.
04:29:13.000
And it's not like, I know up and I don't really know it.
04:29:19.000
Because this is like when the internet wasn't really popular yet.
04:29:31.000
We ventured into like a new- Regional was nice.
04:29:41.000
I think that's why I like Boston shit so much, because it's like, ah, Harvard, yeah, and all that, because it's rare now.
04:29:47.000
There were scenes, too, like the LA punk scene, the DC punk scene.
04:29:56.000
Boy, is that represented by the fucking climate, huh?
04:30:21.000
Why go outside when you can just kill yourself?
04:30:37.000
And the guy took us around in the NASCAR and was like, yeah, he's like, hey, 100,000 people come to this every week.
04:30:58.000
Yeah, they get hit by tires right in the fucking face.
04:31:03.000
Tires fly off and they just fucking careen into the audience.
04:31:15.000
I don't think people die all the time in NASCAR. No, the one by Shane's house.
04:31:18.000
I'll say this, the ones I went, at Williams Grove, I went to a dude, the car flew out and landed on a guy.
04:31:38.000
I mean, I was in the mob in the middle of the...
04:31:44.000
The flying car coming at you, it pauses and says, let me tell you how I got here.
04:31:50.000
And then the movie starts and it backs up to before the guy dies.
04:31:54.000
Just some wild ass movie that ends with this guy getting obliterated by the car and at the end of the movie you're like, holy shit.
04:32:09.000
Yeah, they're not fast enough to really kill you.
04:32:39.000
You can literally, you hear this from my parents' house.
04:32:45.000
The greatest drivers of all time have died driving.
04:33:00.000
Because they're always like, when I grew up, they're like, don't get an Audi, don't get a BMW, don't get a Mercedes.
04:33:04.000
What is it about those German and European cars that are so goddamn good?
04:33:14.000
The new ones, they just keep getting them better and better and better.
04:33:17.000
And then the new 911 is so good, it's sensational.
04:33:20.000
You drive it, you're like, I can't believe how good they...
04:33:23.000
They keep making the same thing every year better.
04:33:27.000
911 happened and they're like, we're not changing the name.
04:33:34.000
They sold a 2001 911. They sold a 2002 911. Bro, I owned a 2002 911. That was like the first nice car.
04:33:49.000
They stopped making it for a little bit, right?
04:34:07.000
I think Mark Curry had a Bronco that a fucking tree fell on it.
04:34:16.000
Mark Curry's Bronco was a dope, resto-mod Bronco that he had tricked out.
04:34:30.000
He got it in 1995 and it got destroyed by fucking nature.
04:34:34.000
And not only that, he kept it and updated it and tricked it out.
04:34:47.000
Do you think they had to change art insurance now that people are gluing themselves to walls and shit?
04:34:55.000
You have to make sure that that painting is fucking protected.
04:34:57.000
They're not getting fucking soup on our paintings.
04:34:59.000
What if they don't know any better and they throw something that eats through whatever the protective layer is and actually destroys the painting?
04:35:06.000
I think it's wild in museums that it's not just behind glass.
04:35:13.000
But they've had that for fucking centuries, and these animals never glued themselves to the walls.
04:35:21.000
She was so posh, too, those girls that were on Patrick, Pet, David.
04:35:35.000
I don't see much on the internet that makes me actually angry.
04:35:39.000
That makes me- Like, when I see those fucking dorks throw shit on a painting, it actually makes me angry.
04:35:44.000
But you're not going to help the environment after.
04:35:57.000
These people, they just think it's okay to ruin art.
04:35:59.000
They have glass on every painting, though, I think.
04:36:07.000
But the thing is, that's such a dumb thing to attack.
04:36:13.000
Why don't you just glue yourself to a fucking...
04:36:42.000
What percentage of the population will be on OnlyFans by the time 20, 40-year-olds are gone?
04:36:50.000
Bro, if we're doing a show, there's zero chance.
04:37:12.000
Weed's fucking 7 hours and I had a terrible set.
04:37:34.000
No, I think it affects different people different ways, man.
04:37:46.000
Me and stand-up always used to joke around with each other about that.
04:38:02.000
I like that feeling of paranoia and lack of control.
04:38:36.000
That's one where you have a monkey driving it, and you're in the back.
04:38:45.000
It's hard to see what a car looks like unless you're standing over it.
04:38:50.000
If I was standing next to that car, it'd be so funny.
04:40:37.000
How do you know how many people have watched that?
04:40:59.000
When I was a new comic in New York and he would come to New York, it was like an event.
04:41:03.000
He would rent out, he's like, fuck the clubs, fuck Carolines, I'm going to BB King's or some shit.
04:41:26.000
We're gonna film today, me trying on all the different suits I might wear for New Year's in Vegas.
04:41:32.000
After I thought, what would I take out in a fire?
04:41:41.000
And then the fire chief If you have a tarp, I'll go cover up as best I can.
04:41:53.000
That's not the happy ending from Burning Down the House.
04:41:59.000
We got to the reality of a drunk guy walking through his burnt out, fucked up house.
04:42:06.000
He's got the norm disease where he wears oversized clothes.
04:42:33.000
Ladies and gentlemen, that brings to a conclusion.
04:42:50.000
Wow, we got shows, we got websites, we got tickets.