The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1926

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:13.000 And we're up.

00:00:14.000 Yes.

00:00:15.000 What's up, boys?

00:00:16.000 What's happening?

00:00:16.000 What's going on?

00:00:17.000 Not much.

00:00:18.000 Welcome aboard.

00:00:18.000 I'm all strapped in.

00:00:20.000 You got your paper in front of you.

00:00:21.000 You're ready to go.

00:00:22.000 Yeah, this was just here.

00:00:23.000 Just hit the blunt.

00:00:23.000 You're ready to fucking take some notes, dude.

00:00:25.000 Exactly.

00:00:26.000 You seem like a guy ready to take notes.

00:00:28.000 That's pretty accurate.

00:00:29.000 Hold you out some notes.

00:00:30.000 Counterpoints?

00:00:31.000 Actually.

00:00:32.000 You'll see some notes.

00:00:34.000 You guys started out together?

00:00:35.000 Yeah.

00:00:36.000 Nice.

00:00:36.000 Lived together.

00:00:37.000 Nice.

00:00:38.000 Lived together.

00:00:39.000 I was his best man at his wedding.

00:00:41.000 Oh, shit.

00:00:41.000 He's my guy.

00:00:42.000 Gave a speech.

00:00:43.000 Wow.

00:00:43.000 Gave a speech.

00:00:44.000 His speech was nice.

00:00:45.000 Was it good?

00:00:45.000 I was fucked up.

00:00:46.000 Unbelievable.

00:00:47.000 Were you?

00:00:47.000 Unbelievable.

00:00:48.000 I was like...

00:00:49.000 Bud lights?

00:00:50.000 Yeah.

00:00:51.000 How many?

00:00:51.000 I have no idea.

00:00:53.000 A wedding?

00:00:54.000 Dude, you think it protects our parks or something?

00:00:56.000 Yeah.

00:00:57.000 It came in abstract.

00:00:58.000 A wedding?

00:00:58.000 I like wet my pants.

00:01:00.000 Dude.

00:01:02.000 I was like, oh shit, I gotta give a speech.

00:01:04.000 I was like, I'll be alright.

00:01:05.000 I'm used to giving speeches.

00:01:06.000 I got up there, I was like, uh, Matt's wife, you're crazy.

00:01:10.000 Matt, you're fucking nuts.

00:01:11.000 This thing might be crazy enough to work, folks.

00:01:13.000 That was it.

00:01:14.000 That was the whole speech.

00:01:15.000 This thing might be crazy enough to work.

00:01:18.000 Isn't it wild that so many people get married, but half of them fail?

00:01:22.000 Yeah.

00:01:22.000 You would think that more people would be like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:01:25.000 I'm the voice.

00:01:26.000 This is my second time around.

00:01:27.000 Really?

00:01:27.000 I got married relatively young, though.

00:01:30.000 But I think then it's like a practice run.

00:01:32.000 Like, you learn, like, oh, I can fix this.

00:01:34.000 Let me try this again.

00:01:36.000 Yeah.

00:01:36.000 I mean, girlfriends, that was just like, that was like free play mode.

00:01:39.000 That didn't even count.

00:01:41.000 Getting married is fucked up.

00:01:44.000 I got married the first time because I was like, yeah, I'll get married, I guess.

00:01:48.000 That was all I thought.

00:01:49.000 I was like, cool.

00:01:49.000 When you got divorced, was it a pain in the ass?

00:01:52.000 Like, was it a big one?

00:01:53.000 I mean, yeah.

00:01:54.000 Or was it fairly...

00:01:55.000 I mean, it wasn't like, you know, we didn't have kids, so it wasn't like, you know...

00:01:58.000 But did you have to go through financial bullshit?

00:02:00.000 No, I didn't have any money.

00:02:01.000 That's good.

00:02:02.000 I had absolutely nothing.

00:02:04.000 Watching people get drained, watching rich dudes get drained, and you see them going from not having to worry about anything to like, oh shit, how am I going to cover my bills?

00:02:15.000 Yeah.

00:02:16.000 I've seen that multiple times, man.

00:02:19.000 I've seen guys get hurt in divorces.

00:02:22.000 Just like Leon Edwards in the head.

00:02:25.000 Just slap.

00:02:26.000 Just get stiffened up.

00:02:28.000 It's a miserable endeavor.

00:02:29.000 It sucks.

00:02:30.000 Even if you're not losing money, it's pretty shitty.

00:02:32.000 That's when we met.

00:02:32.000 That's when me and Matt met.

00:02:33.000 I was like, we started hanging out, and then he started getting a divorce, and I was right there for it.

00:02:39.000 It was nice.

00:02:39.000 I moved.

00:02:40.000 From a marriage into a house of, like, five comedians.

00:02:44.000 Nice.

00:02:46.000 On an air mattress.

00:02:47.000 Nice.

00:02:48.000 Did two years on an air mattress.

00:02:49.000 That's nice.

00:02:50.000 My air mattress would deflate and I'd take it back to Walmart in the box, return it, get a new one.

00:02:54.000 Bro, if my wife ever leaves me, I'm buying a ranch and I'm inviting everybody to live there.

00:03:00.000 Usually women...

00:03:01.000 I'm just going to build you some houses.

00:03:03.000 Women do initiate.

00:03:04.000 I'm going to buy a giant chunk of land and I'll build everybody a house.

00:03:09.000 Let's go.

00:03:10.000 It'd be like Stan Hope's, though.

00:03:11.000 There'd be a fire eventually.

00:03:13.000 Yeah, eventually.

00:03:14.000 Yeah, Stan Hope's roof, his ceiling caught on fire.

00:03:17.000 It was in his attic.

00:03:17.000 What was going on up there?

00:03:19.000 It was in his attic.

00:03:19.000 It was an electrical fire.

00:03:21.000 Oh, yeah.

00:03:21.000 This shit happened.

00:03:22.000 And he has this metal roof, so the roof didn't catch fire.

00:03:26.000 Oh, no.

00:03:27.000 Just the house.

00:03:27.000 So shit just burned.

00:03:28.000 Is it fixed?

00:03:29.000 Or is it fucked for a while?

00:03:30.000 I doubt it.

00:03:30.000 I think he's fucked for a couple months.

00:03:32.000 Is he still living there?

00:03:33.000 No.

00:03:33.000 I could see him living there with the big hole in the ceiling.

00:03:36.000 It would mean nothing to him.

00:03:37.000 Fucking viewed in the sky.

00:03:39.000 It hardly rains out there anyway.

00:03:40.000 Yeah, but it gets cold at night.

00:03:42.000 It doesn't get cold.

00:03:43.000 Isn't it wild?

00:03:43.000 It's like near Mexico, but it gets cold as fuck.

00:03:45.000 The desert's weird.

00:03:47.000 Yeah, I've never been.

00:03:48.000 I want to go.

00:03:49.000 Well, why does it get so cold?

00:03:50.000 Does it not retain heat?

00:03:51.000 The sand.

00:03:51.000 It's probably the sand.

00:03:52.000 Is that what it is?

00:03:53.000 I don't know.

00:03:53.000 I'm guessing, but I feel like the sand is just fucking...

00:03:56.000 Sand, yeah.

00:03:56.000 Doesn't do shit.

00:03:57.000 Didn't Francis Ngano have a very similar story about crossing the Sahara?

00:04:02.000 When he crossed the Sahara, didn't he say it was like really fucking cold at night?

00:04:06.000 Yeah, it's freezing.

00:04:07.000 I don't get it.

00:04:10.000 It's like sand doesn't retain heat?

00:04:12.000 Is that what it does?

00:04:12.000 It doesn't hold the heat?

00:04:13.000 Water just passes through.

00:04:14.000 It's fucking bullshit, actually.

00:04:15.000 Bullshit.

00:04:16.000 It doesn't do a goddamn thing.

00:04:18.000 You know what's hot as fuck and cold as fuck?

00:04:20.000 What's that?

00:04:20.000 Lack of humidity.

00:04:21.000 Lack of humidity.

00:04:22.000 Ah, that makes sense.

00:04:23.000 You know, the Sahara Desert used to be a fucking rainforest.

00:04:27.000 Really?

00:04:27.000 Yeah, that's like the normal path of things.

00:04:31.000 We just, we look at stuff through such a narrow window that we think, oh the desert's the desert, the jungle's the jungle.

00:04:37.000 But there's a natural path that goes back and forth between things becoming like rainforest and jungle and then things becoming sand.

00:04:46.000 We're talking about the ice caps too, how apparently that was lush.

00:04:49.000 Someone told me that used to be lush forest that became, we're in an ice age right now technically, is that correct?

00:04:54.000 I don't think so.

00:04:55.000 I heard if we have polar ice caps, that's technically an ice age.

00:04:58.000 But I could be wrong.

00:04:59.000 My cousin told me that.

00:05:00.000 Oh, your cousin might be on Reddit.

00:05:04.000 My cousin was reassuring me.

00:05:08.000 He's like, dude, the ice caps will fully melt and it'll just be lush and we'll all move up there, you know, hundreds of years.

00:05:13.000 Well, if global warming does keep accelerating, the people that have the most optimistic view of it, they say all the places that are wicked cold will just move into those.

00:05:23.000 I was listening to that.

00:05:24.000 That guy, he was talking about the Midwest, like Minnesota and shit, like Canada.

00:05:28.000 Yeah, it's going to get a lot warmer.

00:05:30.000 I'm gonna re-cross the Bering Strait.

00:05:32.000 You gotta get back.

00:05:33.000 I think it's the opposite, though.

00:05:35.000 It's gonna get more water.

00:05:36.000 You're looking at it wrong.

00:05:37.000 So I get my timeline.

00:05:38.000 If an ice age happens, then you can make that walk.

00:05:41.000 I need that.

00:05:42.000 That was my favorite Jones.

00:05:44.000 He was like, fuck Global War and the ice caps are growing.

00:05:48.000 And everyone was like, shut the fuck up.

00:05:50.000 And then one quick Google, you're like, goddammit, he's right.

00:05:52.000 They're growing?

00:05:53.000 Antarctica is.

00:05:54.000 So Leonardo DiCaprio is wrong?

00:05:56.000 Leonardo DiCaprio can get fucked.

00:05:57.000 He talked to the scientists.

00:05:59.000 All these fucking scientists, even the scientists don't agree.

00:06:03.000 There's a mass group of scientists that will tell you, and this is undeniable, that human beings have had a big impact on carbon emissions.

00:06:12.000 But you know that volcano that just erupted?

00:06:14.000 Where'd that volcano just erupt?

00:06:17.000 There was one that just cracked.

00:06:20.000 Oh, recently?

00:06:21.000 Some guy put this, I would like to find out if this is true, some guy put this on Twitter, that there was more CO2 released from that one volcano erupting than everything human beings have ever done.

00:06:33.000 Really?

00:06:34.000 I don't know if it's true.

00:06:36.000 Sounds amazing, though.

00:06:37.000 I like it.

00:06:37.000 I've heard math in the parts per million.

00:06:39.000 Shut down some cucks with that kind of talk.

00:06:40.000 Yeah, I like it.

00:06:41.000 I'll be at the cellar trying to dish that out.

00:06:43.000 They'll be like, where did you find that?

00:06:44.000 I'll be like, don't worry about it.

00:06:46.000 See, people worry about all kinds of things, but supervolcano is what you really should worry about.

00:06:51.000 They've knocked humanity down to just a few thousand people in the past.

00:06:54.000 Really?

00:06:55.000 Yeah, 70,000 years ago.

00:06:56.000 We've talked about it before.

00:06:58.000 I think it's called the Toba.

00:06:59.000 Is that what it is?

00:06:59.000 The Toba Volcano?

00:07:01.000 It's a supervolcano.

00:07:02.000 I think it's near Indonesia.

00:07:05.000 Fact checked, volcanoes do not produce more CO2 emissions than human activity.

00:07:10.000 Reuters is on your ass, dude.

00:07:12.000 Yeah.

00:07:12.000 They probably typed that up in real time.

00:07:14.000 So this was June 8th of 2022. So this was one they were talking...

00:07:19.000 God, I wish I saved it.

00:07:21.000 It was one of those things I was looking on Twitter.

00:07:22.000 I'm like, wow, better Google that later.

00:07:24.000 That one little burp by Mount Etten has already put more than 10 times the CO2 in the atmosphere than mankind has in our entire time on Earth.

00:07:37.000 Don't worry about a scam is in the works to tax your minuscule footprint.

00:07:41.000 Oh, this is a meme that someone put out?

00:07:44.000 Yeah.

00:07:44.000 I didn't see a meme.

00:07:45.000 I saw someone's tweet.

00:07:46.000 They might have stole the meme and tried to be clever.

00:07:48.000 Or the meme might have come from this guy's tweet as well.

00:07:53.000 Same allegation has been shared here in 2016. An iteration posted on Twitter June 2nd has retweeted nearly 9,000 times.

00:08:03.000 Yeah, it might all be horseshit.

00:08:07.000 Yeah, I mean, but my thing is...

00:08:08.000 That's a lot, though.

00:08:08.000 That looks like a lot of stuff.

00:08:10.000 That looks like a lot of stuff.

00:08:10.000 It's a big-ass cloud.

00:08:11.000 I'd say that's 40% CO2 if I had to put my eye on it.

00:08:13.000 Yeah, if I had to just one glance at it.

00:08:16.000 Well, it's just funny to be like, nah, the Earth's not warming up.

00:08:19.000 Does anyone know the temperature of the entire Earth?

00:08:22.000 Both people are silly.

00:08:24.000 The people with limited research that say it's nothing to worry about and the people with limited research that say we're all going to die.

00:08:32.000 Both people are silly.

00:08:33.000 The ones that make the most sense to me...

00:08:36.000 I had a guy named Steve Coonan on the podcast.

00:08:38.000 He's a physicist who got into...

00:08:41.000 That's what he is, right?

00:08:43.000 Coonan?

00:08:43.000 Yes, I think so.

00:08:44.000 And I forget how he was tasked with going about looking into climate change, but what he found was that The periods of ups and downs have always existed.

00:08:59.000 Like this idea that the Earth has ever been at a stable temperature that stays like this, that's just not the case.

00:09:06.000 It goes up and it goes down and it seems like it's always done that forever and it varies wildly.

00:09:13.000 Like they have these big giant spikes up and down.

00:09:16.000 But this is over thousands and thousands of years, right?

00:09:19.000 Maybe millions of years where they're predicting like how long.

00:09:23.000 But for sure we're having an impact.

00:09:26.000 But the question's like, how much impact?

00:09:28.000 What is the difference?

00:09:29.000 And would it be happening anyway?

00:09:31.000 Would it be warming up anyway?

00:09:33.000 If we didn't do anything to fuck up the environment, then we could look at the environment for what it is.

00:09:38.000 We could say, oh, look, it looks like it's warming up.

00:09:40.000 Well, we know we're not doing anything about that.

00:09:42.000 If we had no impact, but we know we have an impact.

00:09:45.000 Yeah, but the thing no one thinks about is we were, like, we escaped from nature in, like, a blind rush out of just being constantly destroyed by, like, floods and eaten by predators, and we set up this whole system so we can, like, eat and not all die.

00:09:58.000 Yeah.

00:09:58.000 Everyone's like, fuck this, and it's like, I mean, we can definitely tweak it to be better, but Jesus Christ, man.

00:10:02.000 Yeah.

00:10:03.000 A little bit of appreciation.

00:10:04.000 A little bit of appreciation of what we've done.

00:10:07.000 It's amazing what people have done, but yeah, for sure, we could do a lot of the shit better.

00:10:11.000 Do, like, plastic bags?

00:10:12.000 They could figure out different technology for something that doesn't sit in the ocean for, you know.

00:10:15.000 Well, they can make biodegradable plastic now.

00:10:17.000 Why don't?

00:10:18.000 That's my thing.

00:10:18.000 Why don't they?

00:10:21.000 Plastics as they are now, I think most of them are just made with fossil fuels, right?

00:10:26.000 Yeah.

00:10:26.000 Most plastics.

00:10:28.000 But I know they're putting out biodegradable plastics that are made from plant.

00:10:33.000 You can actually make plastic from hemp, believe it or not.

00:10:36.000 Really?

00:10:37.000 Yeah, it was wild.

00:10:38.000 I read that.

00:10:39.000 I was like, what?

00:10:39.000 I don't like it.

00:10:40.000 I gotta bring my own bags to my grocery store, and I forget them every time.

00:10:44.000 So then I buy one.

00:10:45.000 I've got piles of bags in my apartment.

00:10:48.000 Get a stick with a bandana.

00:10:51.000 I might, dude.

00:10:52.000 Get some beans, dude.

00:10:53.000 It is a good move that they don't just give away bags anymore.

00:10:59.000 Even though it's real convenient, it's probably better if you bring a bag.

00:11:04.000 It is.

00:11:05.000 But who's going to remember that?

00:11:06.000 Nobody.

00:11:08.000 I walk outside my front door and go, fuck, I forgot a bag.

00:11:10.000 But isn't that a thing that we can adjust to?

00:11:13.000 We'll adjust to it, yeah.

00:11:15.000 It depends on if you're a walking apartment person versus someone who drives.

00:11:19.000 If you're driving to the supermarket, it makes sense to just leave a bag in your trunk.

00:11:23.000 But if you're a walking person in an apartment...

00:11:26.000 And you're in the city, and you forget a bag, that's annoying.

00:11:29.000 Well, just do paper bags and burn them.

00:11:32.000 Yeah, but then you kill the trees.

00:11:33.000 What about the emissions?

00:11:34.000 What about the emissions, bro?

00:11:35.000 It goes up in the air.

00:11:36.000 Oh, it goes away?

00:11:37.000 It goes straight through.

00:11:39.000 It's space.

00:11:39.000 It goes out in space.

00:11:40.000 I don't know what these fucking pussies are talking about, dude.

00:11:43.000 Global warming is fucking not real.

00:11:45.000 I'm sick of it.

00:11:46.000 I had Randall Carlson on my podcast.

00:11:49.000 He's an expert in collisions, like cosmic collisions on Earth.

00:11:54.000 And he said, he goes, global warming is not good.

00:11:58.000 He goes, but what's really bad is global cooling.

00:12:00.000 He goes, global cooling is terrifying.

00:12:03.000 Ice ages, that's where everybody dies.

00:12:06.000 That's where there's no food.

00:12:07.000 That's where you're fucking starving to death.

00:12:10.000 Dude, how do we make it?

00:12:12.000 How do we make it through the Ice Age?

00:12:14.000 How do we?

00:12:15.000 Well, you have to move.

00:12:16.000 You moved.

00:12:18.000 Or the hardiest of hardy people, they hunted and gathered, like the Inuit.

00:12:23.000 They basically can't grow any vegetables.

00:12:27.000 What a fucking bullshit life.

00:12:28.000 What a scary life, dude.

00:12:30.000 In a fucking ice cave.

00:12:31.000 You're living in an ice house covered in animal skins.

00:12:34.000 Hopefully you stab something in the next month.

00:12:36.000 And you're just looking for fat.

00:12:37.000 You're just looking for blubber to eat.

00:12:39.000 Yeah.

00:12:39.000 Because that's what your body uses for fuel.

00:12:42.000 Imagine how much you could just, like, slide on ISO. Like, you're walking.

00:12:45.000 Probably a lot of sliding.

00:12:46.000 That's probably good at it.

00:12:47.000 You're fucking in there.

00:12:48.000 You're probably nasty, dude.

00:12:49.000 You're fucking in there?

00:12:49.000 Oh, they're probably...

00:12:50.000 God, the layers get in there together.

00:12:53.000 Imagine fucking an ice house that you made with a fire in the center of it on animal skins of animals you killed, knowing that there's no doctors anywhere.

00:13:04.000 So if your woman gets pregnant, you're pulling it out of there in the middle of the tundra with polar bears around your ice house.

00:13:14.000 Yeah, it's fucking crazy.

00:13:15.000 Yeah, but they had no concept of doctors.

00:13:17.000 They had no concept of any other life.

00:13:19.000 I mean, of course there were people that figured shit out.

00:13:20.000 Yeah.

00:13:21.000 But I'm saying, like, he wasn't like, fuck, I wish I had a doctor.

00:13:24.000 Dude, if you grow up like that, that's how you live.

00:13:27.000 And people are adaptable as shit.

00:13:29.000 I had this dude on, Sonny, from Best Ever Food Review yesterday, and he went and lived with these tribal people and hunted with them and ate what they ate.

00:13:38.000 He reviews, like, exotic foods from all over the world.

00:13:42.000 And he's with these tribal people slurping blood out of the carcass of a goat that they just shot.

00:13:49.000 They're slurping it up with their hands.

00:13:51.000 And you can tell he's barely getting through it on camera.

00:13:55.000 But that's their normal life.

00:13:57.000 For them, it wasn't gross at all.

00:13:58.000 It was totally normal.

00:14:00.000 This is how you get food.

00:14:01.000 You don't let the blood go to waste.

00:14:03.000 You slurp it out of the body cavity.

00:14:07.000 Damn!

00:14:08.000 The endothal's healthcare skills helped them survive through the Ice Age.

00:14:12.000 What?

00:14:13.000 Damn, dude.

00:14:13.000 Is that a trap?

00:14:14.000 No, they said they found people with broken bones.

00:14:16.000 They're not sure exactly how it did it, but since they were in such small tribes, if they lost someone, it would have been catastrophic to the group.

00:14:22.000 So they all had to work to keep everybody alive closer, too.

00:14:25.000 Dude.

00:14:25.000 Yeah, I mean, they probably eventually figured out how to set an arm, right?

00:14:30.000 And put a stick there and tie it down.

00:14:32.000 You know?

00:14:33.000 Just sitting in a fucking igloo.

00:14:35.000 Yeah.

00:14:36.000 Bro, they don't always grow back good.

00:14:38.000 You know, there's a lot of, like, uh...

00:14:39.000 Man, you got some mangled arms, dude.

00:14:40.000 Yeah.

00:14:41.000 Well, there's a lot of, like, bones they found of people.

00:14:44.000 Like, that's a hard life.

00:14:45.000 Oh, they're monsters like tigers?

00:14:47.000 Oh, jeez.

00:14:47.000 You're getting shit bit off all the time.

00:14:49.000 I'm thinking more about your cave wife.

00:14:51.000 Yeah, what kind of wife do you have?

00:14:52.000 Before, like, women had words, and then you'd get home, and they'd just be like...

00:14:55.000 No words, just...

00:14:57.000 No, just no words.

00:14:58.000 And you gotta be like...

00:14:59.000 I bet they were horny all the time.

00:15:04.000 I bet all they did was just fuck.

00:15:06.000 Just fucking throw spears and go gather food.

00:15:10.000 Yeah, the more we're talking about it, the more I'm coming around on this, how sick that shit would have been.

00:15:14.000 They must be so primal.

00:15:16.000 Those people.

00:15:17.000 You don't know where the fuck you are.

00:15:18.000 Like the earliest, early people.

00:15:19.000 You're just gonna die.

00:15:20.000 People from like 300,000 years ago, whatever a person was back then, they must be so horny.

00:15:25.000 Yeah, well that's why they had all this- Harry and shit.

00:15:27.000 Just- Yeah.

00:15:29.000 Looking to fuck and throw spears and- Smelling each other.

00:15:32.000 Fighting off animals.

00:15:32.000 Well, that's why they had all those fucked up rituals because they in their world nature like violence They just like put on a pedestal was that was like the coolest thing That was like the ultimate life force back then just getting squashed by like animals and rocks So they would reenact it all the time Could you imagine if you can go back and get like one of them Neanderthal dudes and like enter into a wrestling tournament?

00:15:52.000 I'll just teach him a few moves.

00:15:53.000 He'd bite right away.

00:15:54.000 He'd bite.

00:15:55.000 He'd bite.

00:15:56.000 First guy to grab.

00:15:59.000 He was a beast.

00:16:01.000 A Neanderthal is probably so much stronger than people.

00:16:05.000 Their bones are different.

00:16:06.000 They're built different.

00:16:07.000 They're like 5'7", 200 plus pounds.

00:16:11.000 They're built like chimps.

00:16:12.000 Like big, powerful chimps.

00:16:14.000 You'd have to put them down, dude.

00:16:16.000 You can't have them out here.

00:16:17.000 Do you think that they fucked us or we fucked them?

00:16:20.000 We seduce them.

00:16:22.000 I think we seduce them, for sure.

00:16:25.000 Imagine me laying in wait, dude.

00:16:28.000 One of those guys came by.

00:16:29.000 Plus, back then, having a powerful woman would be very attractive, because then you'd have kids that could survive.

00:16:37.000 Yeah.

00:16:37.000 Your gene pool, your gene line would keep going on.

00:16:40.000 Going for China.

00:16:41.000 You want one night in China.

00:16:43.000 You want China the wrestler.

00:16:45.000 You want a bulky-ass bitch, dude.

00:16:47.000 She was probably the hottest dude.

00:16:49.000 I did Fear Factor with Chyna and after she completed one of the stunts, she got out and like full flexed and goes, who's the man?

00:16:59.000 She said, who's the man?

00:17:01.000 Yeah.

00:17:02.000 I guess it's just what you say.

00:17:04.000 Yeah.

00:17:04.000 She had a wild voice.

00:17:05.000 Big lady.

00:17:06.000 She did.

00:17:07.000 How tall was she?

00:17:09.000 I don't know.

00:17:10.000 But when women take steroids like that, they develop a male midget's voice.

00:17:16.000 She's like, is it me?

00:17:18.000 Didn't Xbox take her down?

00:17:20.000 You shouldn't say midget, so.

00:17:21.000 Yeah, look at this.

00:17:22.000 Coolio was on it.

00:17:24.000 Coolio won it.

00:17:25.000 Damn.

00:17:26.000 Ruggies, Ruggies.

00:17:28.000 There she is.

00:17:29.000 Damn, dude.

00:17:29.000 Hasselhoff.

00:17:31.000 Hasselhoff sucks.

00:17:32.000 Dude, this squad is nuts, dude.

00:17:34.000 Three of them are dead.

00:17:38.000 Yeah, dude.

00:17:39.000 Three of those people.

00:17:39.000 That might be a cursed episode, dude.

00:17:42.000 What did Chyna die of?

00:17:43.000 Kelly Preston died, Chyna died, and Coolio died.

00:17:48.000 What took Chyna out?

00:17:50.000 That's a good question.

00:17:51.000 I don't know.

00:17:52.000 Piledriver.

00:17:54.000 Kane broke into her house.

00:17:56.000 She did porn for a while.

00:17:58.000 Oh yeah, it was One Night in China.

00:17:59.000 That was her porn.

00:18:00.000 Oh, that was the name of it.

00:18:01.000 Wasn't it X-Pac who was...

00:18:03.000 You fucking love X-Pac.

00:18:05.000 Who's X-Pac?

00:18:06.000 The wrestler.

00:18:06.000 D-Generation X. This is like my favorite story.

00:18:10.000 Matt told me the story.

00:18:11.000 He was like, dude, I saw X-Pac once.

00:18:12.000 He was in an airport.

00:18:14.000 Dude, I was like 12. I was like, yo, X-Pac, what's up?

00:18:17.000 And he didn't even look at me.

00:18:18.000 I was like, X-Pac, I gave him the socket.

00:18:19.000 He didn't even look at me.

00:18:20.000 I was like, dude, every dude looks like X-Pac.

00:18:23.000 No, it wasn't him.

00:18:24.000 A lot of dudes look like X-Pac.

00:18:25.000 He saw a guy that looked like that in the airport and was like, X-Pac!

00:18:29.000 I know five guys that look like that.

00:18:31.000 Every dude looks like this.

00:18:32.000 Just from Jiu-Jitsu class.

00:18:34.000 You know I was 12, he had a cut sleeve denim vest.

00:18:37.000 If you live in a Mexican neighborhood, you see that dude every day.

00:18:41.000 You see that dude every day.

00:18:44.000 Young Pac.

00:18:46.000 X-Pac does rule though.

00:18:48.000 The Bronco Buster?

00:18:49.000 I did not think it was gay.

00:18:50.000 There was not one part of me that thought it was gay.

00:18:52.000 What's the Bronco Buster?

00:18:53.000 A guy gets put in the turnbuckle and he's like sitting.

00:18:56.000 X-Pac jumps and puts his dick in his face.

00:18:59.000 That's it.

00:19:00.000 That's his closer.

00:19:00.000 That's a good closer.

00:19:01.000 That's pretty solid.

00:19:03.000 Suck my dick.

00:19:04.000 That's amazing.

00:19:05.000 So this is what he does?

00:19:06.000 There it is, dude.

00:19:07.000 He's getting ready.

00:19:09.000 This guy's got his girl sitting on his lap and she's nodding like, yeah, fuck his face.

00:19:14.000 He's gonna assault this man.

00:19:16.000 Fuck, dude.

00:19:17.000 This was the Ice Age.

00:19:19.000 That is insane.

00:19:21.000 That is insane.

00:19:23.000 That's his finishing move.

00:19:25.000 Imagine pitching that in a meeting.

00:19:29.000 Vince, here's my plan.

00:19:31.000 I'm going to lay a dude against a turnbile.

00:19:33.000 I'm going to fuck his face.

00:19:34.000 And then I'm going to do like this here.

00:19:36.000 Suck it!

00:19:37.000 Genius.

00:19:39.000 Xbox, you've done it again.

00:19:41.000 Hey, what do you think about the Saudis buying the WWE, the rumor?

00:19:45.000 The unsubstantiated rumor that the Saudis are buying the WWE? You met Lemaire.

00:19:49.000 He's an autistic man.

00:19:50.000 He loves WWE. And he's not happy about it.

00:19:54.000 Yeah, he was very mad last night in the green room.

00:19:56.000 He's upset?

00:19:56.000 Why?

00:19:56.000 All him and Tony would do was talk about it last night in the green room.

00:20:00.000 Oh, Tony likes wrestling.

00:20:00.000 They were very upset.

00:20:01.000 Are they gonna let the wrestlers hit women and shit?

00:20:03.000 Well, that's the thing.

00:20:04.000 They're saying they might not...

00:20:05.000 Their conspiracy is...

00:20:07.000 No women.

00:20:08.000 They're going to be able to bulldog all of them.

00:20:10.000 It's going to be Attitude Era again.

00:20:11.000 Let's be pulling women out of cars.

00:20:13.000 Dude, they're going to 3D May off the fucking Jumbo Trout.

00:20:16.000 Remember they did that?

00:20:17.000 They're going to bring him in to do that on chicks.

00:20:19.000 There was an old woman in the WWF, and these two dudes, you remember the Dudley Twins?

00:20:24.000 Dudley Twins, yeah.

00:20:25.000 Dude, they tossed an 80-year-old woman off the...

00:20:29.000 Jamie.

00:20:30.000 What did they do?

00:20:32.000 This is Saudi Arabia.

00:20:35.000 Saudi Arabia saw this and was like, we're in.

00:20:37.000 We're very interested.

00:20:39.000 She's got a neck brace on?

00:20:41.000 This is a long bit, so I'll kind of zoom ahead.

00:20:44.000 There's LaMere.

00:20:45.000 There's a mask.

00:20:46.000 They brought her out.

00:20:47.000 So she's standing up there watching.

00:20:48.000 Oh my god.

00:20:51.000 And she's yelling and screaming.

00:20:54.000 And so they roll her.

00:20:57.000 The Dudley boys!

00:20:58.000 The Dudley boys are so nice.

00:20:59.000 Oh, Bubba Ray Dudley.

00:21:02.000 What are they going to do to this old lady?

00:21:04.000 I think she's on a power bomber.

00:21:05.000 Oh, he's trying to push her down the ramp?

00:21:14.000 I wouldn't do that.

00:21:16.000 Dude, this is the arena.

00:21:18.000 Spill her blood.

00:21:19.000 This is hilarious.

00:21:21.000 Fear to the lions.

00:21:22.000 This is actually a great idea.

00:21:25.000 This is funny.

00:21:28.000 You'll see.

00:21:29.000 It's really not that funny.

00:21:31.000 Everyone's thought about doing this.

00:21:37.000 What the fuck, man?

00:21:40.000 What the fuck?

00:21:42.000 He just did a lateral drop on a table.

00:21:45.000 Dude, powerbombing your grandma?

00:21:47.000 What do they call that?

00:21:47.000 That's a powerbomb, dude.

00:21:48.000 That was a powerbomb through a table.

00:21:50.000 Dude, the fact that your brain carried this for...

00:21:53.000 22 years.

00:21:54.000 This has been in your brain for 22 years.

00:21:56.000 Bro, what kind of damages do to that lady's brain?

00:21:59.000 I mean, I don't care what you say.

00:22:02.000 That lady got impact from that.

00:22:04.000 There was some impact involved in that.

00:22:07.000 Damn, I wonder if there's like a nursing home pipeline in the WWE. She's not protected there.

00:22:11.000 Look at her hands, that's a real old lady.

00:22:13.000 Bro, that probably took memories from her.

00:22:16.000 You talking shit?

00:22:17.000 Oh no, that's Mark Henry saying I love you.

00:22:18.000 Are you okay?

00:22:20.000 Are you dead?

00:22:20.000 Dude, they killed an old lady?

00:22:22.000 Jesus Christ, okay.

00:22:24.000 That's fun.

00:22:24.000 He's rubbing his head, he's like, I'm gonna get this pinned on me.

00:22:28.000 What the fuck, man?

00:22:30.000 I'm getting arrested.

00:22:32.000 Damn, dude.

00:22:33.000 So yeah, WWE's not afraid to put hands on women.

00:22:36.000 It's coming back.

00:22:37.000 They did get away from it.

00:22:38.000 Now with the Saudis, we might be back to the classics.

00:22:42.000 Putting geezers through tables is fucking crazy.

00:22:46.000 That was probably in like Rochester, New York.

00:22:49.000 Rochester, are you ready for Raw?

00:22:52.000 Fuck yeah!

00:22:54.000 Oh my god, that's so nuts.

00:22:55.000 Do you ever go to one of those?

00:22:57.000 A wrestling?

00:22:57.000 No.

00:22:58.000 Tony's been trying to get me to go to WrestleMania forever.

00:23:00.000 It's so fun.

00:23:01.000 But now that the Saudis bought it, allegedly.

00:23:05.000 Is that real?

00:23:06.000 What's the...

00:23:07.000 Still not real?

00:23:08.000 Damn.

00:23:08.000 Did we snopes that yesterday?

00:23:10.000 They were still investigating it.

00:23:12.000 It's gonna be cool.

00:23:13.000 If the Saudis get it, there's a chance it gets better.

00:23:15.000 Who owns it?

00:23:16.000 Does Vince McMahon still own it now?

00:23:17.000 Well, they kicked him out because he got busted with a bunch of floozies.

00:23:20.000 What?

00:23:21.000 Paying a bunch of ladies with company cash.

00:23:24.000 Who would have thought all that money went to that?

00:23:27.000 Look, if you look like that and you're seven years old and you're the head of the WWE, you're slinging dick.

00:23:33.000 What do you want him to do?

00:23:34.000 What do you want him to do?

00:23:35.000 I'd be more disappointed if he wasn't slinging dick.

00:23:37.000 If he was a faithful married man.

00:23:39.000 He's a gigantic barbarian man who's like 79 years old and works out with a chain around his neck.

00:23:45.000 You ever see how jacked he is?

00:23:47.000 Yeah, he's fucking ridiculous.

00:23:48.000 Show me a picture of Vince McMahon jacked.

00:23:51.000 No, still jacked.

00:23:52.000 No, I watched him get stunnered at WrestleMania.

00:23:54.000 It's tough, dude.

00:23:56.000 Did you see that?

00:23:56.000 LaMare got me.

00:23:58.000 LaMare was hanging out with me and he was like, it's WrestleMania today.

00:24:00.000 And I was like, I don't give a fuck.

00:24:02.000 And then he started putting up old highlights to get pumped for the thing.

00:24:06.000 Dude, I used to love Stone Cold.

00:24:08.000 My bad.

00:24:08.000 It was...

00:24:10.000 Dude, look at that.

00:24:11.000 Dude, he's super jacked and he's 150,000 years old.

00:24:14.000 That's from the front, dude.

00:24:15.000 See him from the side.

00:24:16.000 He's got the fucking...

00:24:17.000 What does he got?

00:24:19.000 He's hunched, dude.

00:24:20.000 Oh my god, dude.

00:24:22.000 That's pretty new.

00:24:23.000 Let him do his thing.

00:24:25.000 Obviously, I'm not truly criticizing, but when he got stunned...

00:24:30.000 I'm talking about his extramarital affairs.

00:24:33.000 Oh.

00:24:34.000 You're giving him a hard time about his physique, Shane?

00:24:36.000 Really?

00:24:37.000 Joe?

00:24:37.000 No.

00:24:38.000 That sounded kind of personal.

00:24:40.000 I'm stunned.

00:24:42.000 Yeah, he got stunned.

00:24:43.000 He looks good.

00:24:46.000 I think he's 80-something years old.

00:24:48.000 Well, that's incredible.

00:24:49.000 He looks better than Schwarzenegger.

00:24:50.000 How old is he?

00:24:53.000 Let's guess.

00:24:54.000 77. I say he's...

00:24:56.000 You just saw it.

00:24:57.000 I didn't see it.

00:24:58.000 Did it come up?

00:24:58.000 I didn't see it.

00:24:59.000 I didn't see it?

00:25:00.000 I say he's 80 years old.

00:25:01.000 Review the tape.

00:25:02.000 I didn't even see it.

00:25:02.000 What's the discussion?

00:25:04.000 You're saying he...

00:25:04.000 He said he looks like shit.

00:25:06.000 No, he was...

00:25:06.000 Because back like 10 years ago, he was like yoked, cover of fucking men's health.

00:25:11.000 Back when he was 70. Back when he was 70. And I thought that was going to be the same guy that came out in WrestleMania.

00:25:15.000 And now you can see it's age.

00:25:17.000 You can see it's wearing on him.

00:25:18.000 Let me see.

00:25:18.000 He got stunned and couldn't even go down.

00:25:24.000 He hated Stone Cold, bro.

00:25:25.000 Stone Cold stole his youth.

00:25:27.000 But, Jamie, how old is he?

00:25:28.000 Fog.

00:25:29.000 How old is it?

00:25:30.000 77. 77. Yes, he looks great.

00:25:33.000 Bro, he looks fucking great for 77. 77, you're supposed to be a dead man.

00:25:38.000 You're not supposed to be pro-wrestling.

00:25:39.000 He would whoop my ass.

00:25:40.000 Obviously, he would beat my ass.

00:25:41.000 He'd slap me.

00:25:42.000 Bro, he's older than my mom.

00:25:45.000 Look at this.

00:25:46.000 Boom!

00:25:47.000 Not a lot of fucking hit behind that.

00:25:49.000 Not much going on.

00:25:50.000 I'm telling you.

00:25:51.000 He threw him into the turnbuckle.

00:25:52.000 Pat McAfee goes down.

00:25:55.000 McAfee goes hard on this.

00:25:56.000 He sells it very well for him.

00:25:58.000 What are you saying?

00:25:59.000 This isn't real?

00:25:59.000 No, no, no, no.

00:26:01.000 What the fuck are you saying, Jamie?

00:26:03.000 When we saw him, he was in a neck brace.

00:26:05.000 He just got him thrown through a table.

00:26:07.000 McAfee?

00:26:08.000 Yeah.

00:26:08.000 Yeah, don't do that kids.

00:26:10.000 Those guys get busted up more than anybody.

00:26:12.000 When I've had those pro wrestlers in here, like Diamond Dallas Page, his body had been through fucking hell.

00:26:19.000 That's why he invented that yoga.

00:26:21.000 He's got his own yoga system and he's like helped all these wrestlers that are all fucked up completely rehabilitate their body and get their motion back.

00:26:30.000 Yeah.

00:26:30.000 Damn.

00:26:30.000 Yeah, it's like a hardcore yoga.

00:26:34.000 The dude's in incredible shape, man.

00:26:36.000 I haven't seen him.

00:26:36.000 He can stand up, grab his foot, and do a split.

00:26:39.000 I remember DDP. He ruled.

00:26:40.000 And he's in his 60s.

00:26:41.000 Grab his foot, standing up right now, no warm-up, and he holds it up like a split.

00:26:46.000 Not bullshitting.

00:26:47.000 Really?

00:26:48.000 Yeah, he did it in my studio.

00:26:49.000 That's weird.

00:26:50.000 I was like, that's insane.

00:26:51.000 That's weird.

00:26:52.000 He was showing me some of his exercises.

00:26:53.000 What the fuck, dad?

00:26:54.000 Guy's in amazing shape.

00:26:56.000 And his back is fucked.

00:26:59.000 Technically, he should need surgery.

00:27:01.000 It's all bone-on-bone and shit, but he does that yoga routine every day, and he keeps him healthy and mobile and he's not in pain.

00:27:09.000 He's so flexible.

00:27:11.000 It's like, how did you do this?

00:27:13.000 When you see him move around, you're like, you're a pro wrestler, and look at you.

00:27:17.000 He hit Beetlejuice with a guitar.

00:27:18.000 Did he?

00:27:19.000 Beetle just from the Howard Stewart show?

00:27:21.000 He hit it with a guitar?

00:27:22.000 He smashed him with a guitar.

00:27:24.000 No.

00:27:24.000 Now he's doing yoga.

00:27:25.000 What a world.

00:27:27.000 I guess if you're dedicated every day to yoga, you'd probably help your body.

00:27:31.000 I think those guys, if you're that busted up, you kind of have to do something every day.

00:27:35.000 Otherwise, you're not going to be mobile.

00:27:38.000 Like, you really have to fix...

00:27:39.000 If you just start eating pain pills, which a lot of them do, that's a dark road.

00:27:45.000 You gotta think about how many times a year those guys were on the road.

00:27:49.000 I talked to Jake the Snake and he was explaining his evolution in the game and how long it took him and all the road gigs and shit.

00:27:58.000 Dude, those guys were doing 300 nights a year.

00:28:01.000 Every day.

00:28:02.000 Never helped.

00:28:02.000 Every day they're smashing into each other and slamming each other.

00:28:07.000 And some of them, they don't like each other, so they want to hit each other hard.

00:28:12.000 I can only imagine the real feuds going on.

00:28:15.000 Oh, dude.

00:28:16.000 I was just talking to somebody about it.

00:28:17.000 Seriously, fuck you, brother.

00:28:18.000 I'm a fuck dude.

00:28:19.000 No, they're all fucking, especially back then, roided out, lifting every day, drinking every day, fighting every day.

00:28:25.000 They were, for like five straight years, they hated it.

00:28:28.000 Was it Jake the Snake or was it The Undertaker that had the broken eye sockets?

00:28:34.000 Was it The Undertaker?

00:28:35.000 Yeah.

00:28:36.000 Weren't there like five Undertakers?

00:28:37.000 He had a special mask he had to wear for a while.

00:28:38.000 He shattered his fucking eye socket in the middle of a mask.

00:28:43.000 This Mexican dude landed on his face.

00:28:45.000 His move, instead of fucking your face, he would drop his butt on your face.

00:28:49.000 So he drops his butt on...

00:28:50.000 Who was it?

00:28:51.000 It was like a famous guy.

00:28:54.000 Mysterio?

00:28:54.000 No.

00:28:55.000 No?

00:28:55.000 Giant guy.

00:28:58.000 That's crazy.

00:28:59.000 This dude landed his butt on his face and broke his eye socket.

00:29:01.000 And so he's like...

00:29:03.000 He's got to finish the match!

00:29:05.000 He's got to finish this match with a broken eye socket.

00:29:06.000 Is that why his eyes started going up like this all the time?

00:29:10.000 Well, he actually said he ran into a clothesline.

00:29:12.000 I'm reading a quote from him.

00:29:13.000 Oh, he ran into a clothesline.

00:29:14.000 It was that guy, Mabel.

00:29:16.000 Okay.

00:29:16.000 I thought the guy landed on his face.

00:29:19.000 Didn't you think so?

00:29:19.000 He says he was 6'8", 500 pounds.

00:29:21.000 I ran straight into what was supposed to be a clothesline, but he was so gassed and I ended up hitting a spot in his arm.

00:29:26.000 Actually, Jamie, I think he broke his eye socket twice.

00:29:31.000 I think if I remember correctly, he broke both eye sockets.

00:29:35.000 Well, this is him.

00:29:36.000 Jesus.

00:29:36.000 According to this, it says this is what he said on the Joe Rogan Experience.

00:29:39.000 Oh.

00:29:41.000 Yeah, both eye sockets.

00:29:43.000 Yeah.

00:29:44.000 See, that's right.

00:29:45.000 One was because the guy was completely out of shape, a lot of similarities.

00:29:48.000 The other one, I think, was the butt to the face.

00:29:53.000 I think he's saying he broke both because we showed another one that he did where the guy wasn't as big who landed on his face.

00:30:00.000 I might be remembering this wrong.

00:30:01.000 I have a very limited memory for pro wrestling.

00:30:04.000 I watch it.

00:30:05.000 Yeah, that's great.

00:30:06.000 They threw the grandma to the table.

00:30:07.000 Threw the grandma to the table.

00:30:08.000 It was pretty awesome.

00:30:09.000 I'll delete that by the end of the week.

00:30:11.000 By the end of the week, I'll have no knowledge that that happens.

00:30:14.000 You'll never forget.

00:30:15.000 You'll never forget.

00:30:15.000 You'll have dreams about it.

00:30:16.000 Dude, I remember.

00:30:16.000 You're right.

00:30:17.000 You're right.

00:30:17.000 Rey Mysterio did hit him and that cost him damage.

00:30:19.000 There you go.

00:30:19.000 Yeah, okay, so it was Mysterio.

00:30:21.000 Oh, he landed with the Hurricane Rana.

00:30:22.000 I think he landed with his butt on his face.

00:30:24.000 Ray Mysterio is super small.

00:30:26.000 That's not the butt face.

00:30:27.000 He got hit in the face by him, I think.

00:30:29.000 But Ray Mysterio would be hopping around like that.

00:30:30.000 You said he's super small.

00:30:32.000 Yeah.

00:30:32.000 That's bony.

00:30:33.000 I think he landed on his face.

00:30:35.000 Oh, dude.

00:30:35.000 I think that's the reason why he got him that way, because he landed with his butt on his face.

00:30:40.000 The dead man.

00:30:43.000 That's so nice.

00:30:45.000 He mistimed a top rope senton.

00:30:47.000 And landed on the Undertaker's head.

00:30:49.000 Yeah, he landed on his head with his butt.

00:30:53.000 Yeah, he mistimed the move and landed on his face and broke his face.

00:30:57.000 Dude, imagine looking forward to that all day.

00:30:58.000 That guy's going to put a jump on your face with his ass.

00:31:01.000 You know that's coming.

00:31:02.000 You're like, fuck, dude.

00:31:03.000 How about the other guy?

00:31:04.000 Fuck in your face.

00:31:05.000 Fuck in your face.

00:31:06.000 And you have to lay there like you're out cold.

00:31:08.000 In front of an arena.

00:31:09.000 And this guy's just bang, bang, bang, and then suck it right in front of you.

00:31:13.000 That's your job.

00:31:14.000 Remember the wrestlers that never won?

00:31:16.000 There'd be like Kevin.

00:31:17.000 Yes.

00:31:17.000 Kevin would come out and just get smashed every time.

00:31:19.000 That's what I mean.

00:31:20.000 That dude has to sit there and get his face fucked.

00:31:23.000 The whole crowd's like, you're a fucking gay pussy.

00:31:26.000 And then you gotta go back.

00:31:28.000 Everyone's like, the guy who fucked you is awesome.

00:31:31.000 They're probably going to sit in a locker room, they're like, nice work, dude.

00:31:33.000 That's what's so weird about wrestling.

00:31:35.000 How enthusiastic people get.

00:31:37.000 Yeah, it's fucking crazy.

00:31:39.000 They get so fucking angry at the bad guy.

00:31:42.000 It's crazy.

00:31:43.000 They fire him up.

00:31:44.000 Those bad guys will come out and be like, Delaware, what a bunch of fucking retards are you?

00:31:50.000 And they're all just like, no!

00:31:53.000 Do you ever watch Danny Hoffman?

00:31:55.000 They'd have Arab dudes come out and be like, America fucking sucks ass.

00:31:59.000 And these dudes are like, take that the fuck back.

00:32:03.000 Wasn't that the Iron Sheik?

00:32:04.000 Yeah, Iron Sheik.

00:32:05.000 They had dudes come out for everything.

00:32:06.000 There was Russians.

00:32:07.000 They have everybody.

00:32:08.000 Back in the day, The Rock was part of...

00:32:12.000 Nation of domination.

00:32:13.000 They're like black African extremists that would come out and be like, in front of all the white people.

00:32:18.000 No!

00:32:19.000 No!

00:32:20.000 Did you ever watch the Andy Kaufman films?

00:32:22.000 Yes.

00:32:22.000 When he was doing pro wrestling?

00:32:24.000 That was crazy.

00:32:26.000 The fact that he decided that that was what he was going to do.

00:32:29.000 There they are.

00:32:30.000 Bring that down to South Carolina.

00:32:32.000 I think the CIA assassinated three of them actually.

00:32:35.000 Two of them were FBI informants.

00:32:37.000 Jamie, see if you can find some of the Andy Kaufman.

00:32:39.000 The Rock was a snitch.

00:32:40.000 He snitched on Farouk.

00:32:41.000 He told me, we'll make you a movie star.

00:32:43.000 Just gotta give up your brothers.

00:32:44.000 You gotta snitch on Farouk.

00:32:45.000 He did it.

00:32:47.000 He put a bomb in Farouk's house.

00:32:50.000 Imagine if it turns out the Rock's working for the FBI the whole time.

00:32:53.000 How could he not be?

00:32:54.000 Yeah, at this point, how could he not be?

00:32:56.000 How do you think they made so many Jumanjis, dude?

00:32:58.000 Yeah, it's fucking intelligence written all over it, dude.

00:33:01.000 That's Mockingbird, bro.

00:33:02.000 Jumanji's Mockingbird.

00:33:03.000 Jumanji was a fun movie, man.

00:33:04.000 How dare you?

00:33:06.000 Dude, hit the record.

00:33:07.000 The first one?

00:33:07.000 Hit the record.

00:33:08.000 Hit the record.

00:33:09.000 Wait, the Robin Williams one was incredible.

00:33:11.000 No, I went to see the rock one with my kids.

00:33:13.000 I loved it.

00:33:14.000 With kids, maybe, dude.

00:33:15.000 Check the record.

00:33:16.000 I praised Jumanji.

00:33:18.000 I praised Jumanji.

00:33:19.000 You like Jumanji?

00:33:19.000 Yeah, you guys have kids.

00:33:20.000 It's a good movie.

00:33:22.000 I was in Boston by myself.

00:33:25.000 I was doing comedy.

00:33:26.000 I had to kill a whole day.

00:33:27.000 I had nowhere to stay.

00:33:28.000 I went to a Panera Bread by myself.

00:33:30.000 I had never drank coffee before in my life.

00:33:32.000 I was like 30. I never drank coffee.

00:33:35.000 I was chugging cold brews all day.

00:33:37.000 I didn't know it would give you a panic attack.

00:33:40.000 And then...

00:33:41.000 I went and saw Jumanji by myself at like 2.30 p.m.

00:33:45.000 Oh my god.

00:33:46.000 And I was in there just like, holy shit, dude, I'm a fucking moron.

00:33:50.000 I saw Jumanji by myself.

00:33:52.000 I feel bad.

00:33:53.000 And then I called Matt and I was like, man, I want to quit comedy, dude, I'm so fucking sad.

00:34:01.000 I've been in a Panera for four hours drinking iced coffees in a booth by myself.

00:34:04.000 Ten hours.

00:34:05.000 Oh no!

00:34:06.000 I spent a whole day in a Panera.

00:34:07.000 I had no money.

00:34:09.000 Dude.

00:34:10.000 That's hilarious.

00:34:11.000 It's zero dollars.

00:34:11.000 I saved up to see Jumanji.

00:34:13.000 You gave me so many fire movie recommends and finally I came out of Jumanji and I was like, Shane's gonna like this.

00:34:18.000 And he gave him a panic attack.

00:34:19.000 I was like, fuck my bad, dude.

00:34:22.000 That fucked me up.

00:34:24.000 How crazy was it?

00:34:25.000 I was in there by myself watching Jumanji.

00:34:27.000 Dude.

00:34:27.000 It's like, this is for real a low point.

00:34:29.000 This is like a fucked up thing.

00:34:30.000 Dude, I... I'm an adult.

00:34:32.000 It was a weekday.

00:34:33.000 2 p.m.

00:34:34.000 in Boston.

00:34:35.000 That is a weird thing.

00:34:37.000 That was before...

00:34:38.000 Yeah, that was like...

00:34:39.000 This could capsize.

00:34:41.000 My whole life could capsize.

00:34:42.000 It was capsized.

00:34:43.000 I was swimming.

00:34:46.000 My ex-girlfriend gave me her old laptop, so I had like a Chromebook that was like a $90 Chromebook.

00:34:51.000 Your laptop was dead.

00:34:52.000 I was by myself.

00:34:53.000 I would find websites that had old games.

00:34:56.000 I was playing like SimCity 98. I was like, oh, there's a movie theater in the parking lot.

00:35:06.000 I'll go see whatever they have.

00:35:07.000 Jumanji at 2.30.

00:35:09.000 I'm in.

00:35:09.000 Yeah, those days on the road and the early days, they feel weird.

00:35:13.000 It's really sad.

00:35:14.000 And also, if you're working with people you don't like, like you show up in a town and the middle's a douche.

00:35:18.000 Dude, I went with him to Florida.

00:35:21.000 He got booked to go to Florida.

00:35:23.000 I was like, I'll just come with you and I'll host.

00:35:25.000 And you were booked to feature.

00:35:27.000 Yeah, we did a whole southern tour.

00:35:29.000 A whole southern tour.

00:35:29.000 He brought me...

00:35:30.000 I don't think anyone wanted me there at all.

00:35:32.000 He brought me there.

00:35:33.000 I forgot underwear, first of all.

00:35:34.000 I didn't pack underwear.

00:35:35.000 I had no undies the whole time.

00:35:36.000 I was a feature, and I was like, I got a guy I'm bringing.

00:35:40.000 That's hilarious!

00:35:41.000 The headliner stole his jokes.

00:35:43.000 The headliner was a guitar guy, and Shane would go up, I was bombing constantly, and Shane would go up, he was doing well, and the headliner started just like, he was bombing on a guitar, and then he'd start doing callbacks to Shane's bits.

00:35:54.000 And then, he started just incorporating them into, it was the craziest shit.

00:35:57.000 He did my act.

00:35:58.000 By the last couple shows, he was just stealing the thing.

00:36:00.000 It was crazy, dude.

00:36:01.000 But it was when I was new, so I was like, that's cool.

00:36:03.000 Yeah.

00:36:04.000 You know, I was new enough to be like, at least, you know, he's saying that was good.

00:36:07.000 True.

00:36:08.000 But that was, dude, it was me, him, and the headliner in a comedy condo in South Carolina.

00:36:13.000 We just fucked with this dude.

00:36:15.000 He sucked so fucking bad, dude.

00:36:18.000 We were in a back green room.

00:36:19.000 And there was like a plastic, you know the plastic's supposed to look like crystal?

00:36:23.000 Yeah.

00:36:23.000 It was like plastic table stuff with lunch meat, and this guy's just crushing baloney, being like, guys, I'm on the road all the time, I can get pussy any time I want.

00:36:31.000 We're like, okay, dude.

00:36:32.000 He was like, man, if I was your guys' age, if I was single, you guys, I'd be getting pussy too.

00:36:37.000 I could go out there and get pussy if I wanted, but I'm not gonna...

00:36:40.000 We're like, dude, he's standing eating lunch meat on a tray in a club in South Carolina.

00:36:46.000 He's a guitar act.

00:36:47.000 Yeah, we're in like a closet in like a Mexican bowling alley.

00:36:49.000 He's like, dude, I could clean up out there, dude.

00:36:51.000 You guys have no idea.

00:36:52.000 And we're like, dude, pretty sure you're just crying when we came in here.

00:36:55.000 He was absolutely...

00:36:59.000 That was a fun fucking trip.

00:37:00.000 Dude, that was so fun.

00:37:02.000 It was so fun.

00:37:02.000 Me and him were young and just bullying a headliner.

00:37:05.000 Just fully like, oh, is that what you said back in the condo?

00:37:08.000 And he'd be like, yeah, it is.

00:37:10.000 Those weird headliners that no one knows who they are, but they kind of headline, and they go to some places, and they've been doing it way too long.

00:37:18.000 They can achieve this very high level of toxic bitterness.

00:37:23.000 It's Sith.

00:37:24.000 You're around them, and they have a couple beers, and they start looking at you sideways.

00:37:27.000 Dude?

00:37:28.000 And they tried it.

00:37:29.000 They're like, oh, dude, that was the guy.

00:37:30.000 He was like, oh, you guys are doing a podcast.

00:37:35.000 I guess we'll see, huh?

00:37:36.000 Don't waste your time.

00:37:39.000 Fucking dickhead, dude.

00:37:41.000 Yeah, that was very funny.

00:37:42.000 He was, yeah.

00:37:42.000 He was just a big guy.

00:37:43.000 What year was this?

00:37:45.000 Fuck, man.

00:37:46.000 16?

00:37:47.000 15?

00:37:47.000 But in his defense back then, how many podcasts were there?

00:37:53.000 I don't know.

00:37:54.000 There was enough.

00:37:54.000 I think people had already figured out that you could make money off of it.

00:37:57.000 Yeah.

00:37:58.000 By 15, yeah.

00:37:59.000 There was enough.

00:38:00.000 He just was saying, like, every comedian does it.

00:38:03.000 Trust me.

00:38:03.000 I tried it.

00:38:04.000 It didn't work.

00:38:04.000 It's not going to work for you guys.

00:38:06.000 I think the market's oversaturated now, but I still think people should do it.

00:38:15.000 If I was a new comic, if you're a new comic starting out now, you should do a podcast, even if no one's going to listen.

00:38:22.000 Just keep doing it.

00:38:23.000 Just do it and keep doing it, and it'll grow.

00:38:26.000 But there's so many of them now.

00:38:28.000 Trying to get an audience now, it's so much harder than it was Five years ago.

00:38:32.000 Yeah, maybe six years ago.

00:38:33.000 I feel like if you're actively trying to get an audience, you just have to just talk.

00:38:37.000 Like, I talk to myself when I drive anyway.

00:38:38.000 I'll just talk and like, damn, I should have recorded.

00:38:40.000 It's so fucking good.

00:38:41.000 You talk out loud to yourself?

00:38:42.000 Yeah, I talk out loud constantly.

00:38:43.000 And you feel like, damn, I'm good.

00:38:44.000 And it's fire, dude.

00:38:44.000 While I'm driving, I talk to myself all the time.

00:38:47.000 Really?

00:38:47.000 My kid will be in the backseat and I'll be talking to myself and turn around and be like, ha ha ha.

00:38:51.000 I can't stop.

00:38:52.000 You like that one?

00:38:52.000 I can't stop casting.

00:38:53.000 You're casting, dude.

00:38:54.000 That's your thing always, is talking to yourself?

00:38:57.000 Sometimes.

00:38:57.000 I'll just talk.

00:38:58.000 I don't realize I'm doing it.

00:39:00.000 I'll be thinking.

00:39:00.000 I'll just start talking.

00:39:01.000 Jesus Christ, if I recorded what I was saying in a car.

00:39:07.000 Classified.

00:39:08.000 It'd be a quick pocket.

00:39:09.000 I don't think I'd ever talk to myself in the car.

00:39:11.000 Really?

00:39:12.000 I don't think so.

00:39:13.000 It's good.

00:39:13.000 It's fun.

00:39:15.000 I'm going to try it.

00:39:16.000 Like talking out loud?

00:39:17.000 Yeah, just talking to yourself.

00:39:18.000 That'd be a good way to do a podcast.

00:39:20.000 That's fucking crazy.

00:39:20.000 If you had a Tesla, especially if you have a quiet car, you could set up a camera and just do a podcast while you're driving.

00:39:27.000 Dude, I'm telling you.

00:39:28.000 You access...

00:39:29.000 Bill Burr did stuff like that.

00:39:30.000 But it was more like him driving around, like, God, look at this fucking guy.

00:39:34.000 Yeah, he was giving a tour.

00:39:35.000 That was good.

00:39:35.000 Yeah, those were good.

00:39:36.000 You give tours of towns and shit.

00:39:38.000 You driving and just talking must be...

00:39:40.000 Talking.

00:39:40.000 For real terrifying.

00:39:42.000 Fleshing out the ideas.

00:39:43.000 Duh.

00:39:45.000 Well, that's the way a lot of guys come up with material.

00:39:48.000 That's how Dylan does it.

00:39:50.000 He comes up with so much material because he's podcasting all the time.

00:39:52.000 He's ranting about things, and some of them you can keep.

00:39:55.000 Some of them are genuinely good ideas.

00:39:58.000 Two percent, I would say.

00:39:59.000 If you fucking sling ten around, you pick up two.

00:40:04.000 That's pretty good.

00:40:05.000 That's pretty nice.

00:40:06.000 I was trying the ones.

00:40:07.000 You and me workshopped a couple jokes this week.

00:40:10.000 The seller did not like them.

00:40:12.000 Good.

00:40:12.000 The seller wasn't that excited about it.

00:40:15.000 Because I couldn't word it.

00:40:17.000 I don't know how to word it.

00:40:17.000 How many sets did you do down there?

00:40:20.000 It was like five or six a night.

00:40:22.000 So each set, the audience was similar?

00:40:25.000 I probably tried it twice and then scrapped it.

00:40:28.000 Me and Matt did a podcast that day and we were talking about if there was a parent sex pride parade.

00:40:37.000 See, it doesn't work.

00:40:39.000 If your parents flaunt at their sexuality.

00:40:41.000 The way gay people do at the pride parade.

00:40:43.000 If it was your dad and your mom on a float.

00:40:47.000 Even a gay guy would be like, ew.

00:40:49.000 And then I was trying to say, look, I'm happy you guys are doing it, but that's how we feel.

00:40:54.000 We're like, ew, I'm glad you're doing it, but gross, dude.

00:40:58.000 And it didn't work.

00:41:00.000 Still didn't work.

00:41:02.000 I mean, it's funny.

00:41:02.000 I see what you're saying.

00:41:04.000 It's a fair point.

00:41:05.000 It's a good point.

00:41:06.000 I mean, again, do what you want to do.

00:41:07.000 The dog general worked.

00:41:08.000 Did it?

00:41:09.000 I might be onto something there.

00:41:11.000 The dog general?

00:41:11.000 That fucking dude that retired in the military with a dog mask?

00:41:15.000 I don't even know if it's real.

00:41:16.000 What?

00:41:16.000 This guy from the military retired, and he was wearing a fucking leather dog mask in his uniform, like in front of the flag.

00:41:24.000 What?

00:41:25.000 It might be fake.

00:41:25.000 I might have got tricked, but either way.

00:41:27.000 They were using it on Twitter.

00:41:29.000 He was like, Commander Bow Wow's retiring.

00:41:31.000 Arf, arf.

00:41:32.000 That was the end of it.

00:41:34.000 But they were using it on Twitter.

00:41:36.000 They were trying to make fun of the U.S. military.

00:41:37.000 They were like, here's China's military.

00:41:39.000 Here's Russia's military.

00:41:40.000 And it's like skinheads that are like...

00:41:42.000 And then it was, here's ours.

00:41:44.000 It's a bunch of trans people and the dog guy.

00:41:46.000 And the joke is...

00:41:48.000 For real, that's absolutely more terrifying.

00:41:51.000 Like, that's a truly scary military, that we had a furry with fucking missiles behind them?

00:41:55.000 Yeah.

00:41:56.000 That's like an actual lunatic.

00:41:58.000 That's a problem.

00:41:59.000 If it's real.

00:42:00.000 It's probably not real, but I like it.

00:42:01.000 It might not be real.

00:42:02.000 Dude, there's footage, there's footage that comes out of this war.

00:42:05.000 Also, another joke, it's over fucking eight.

00:42:08.000 There's footage that's come out of this war that is different than any footage of any war that I've ever seen because it's on cell phones.

00:42:15.000 Yeah.

00:42:15.000 There's so much cell phone footage from this war.

00:42:18.000 Dude, and planes are flying low over, like, apartments and shit.

00:42:20.000 Yeah, but I'm talking about, like, one-on-one combat situations with guns.

00:42:25.000 Yeah.

00:42:25.000 Like, I've seen a bunch of them now.

00:42:27.000 And one I saw yesterday was this guy was in a gunfight in the woods.

00:42:34.000 So he's hiding behind trees and the trees have like chunks of fucking wood missing from them because a bullet just hit it.

00:42:40.000 I mean like a fucking movie, right?

00:42:43.000 And he runs to these Ukrainian guys that are in a foxhole and he's got the drop on them and I don't know what he's saying like he's saying surrender give it and the guy reaches up to grab his gun and And he ices the both of them in the head.

00:42:56.000 Down, down, at close range.

00:42:59.000 From three feet away.

00:43:00.000 And you're watching and she's like, holy shit.

00:43:03.000 Jesus.

00:43:04.000 This is what they're going through over there.

00:43:05.000 This is the real war.

00:43:07.000 This is really what war is happening.

00:43:09.000 And they're filming it on their cell phones.

00:43:11.000 Now, imagine a furry.

00:43:14.000 He's in a drone just like, what are they doing down there?

00:43:17.000 It's like Spaceballs.

00:43:18.000 He's up in the ship.

00:43:19.000 He sends him drone strikes.

00:43:22.000 Well, that would be the scariest thing if someone had real drones, like those dog drones with guns on them, and they just sent those after people.

00:43:30.000 Yeah, why don't we just send, like, a bunch of robots?

00:43:31.000 We definitely have, like, war robots.

00:43:32.000 Why don't we just be like, yo, here, use the war robots.

00:43:35.000 I guess you can't, I guess, I don't know.

00:43:36.000 I wonder if, some, a friend, I don't know if this is true either, we'll find this out.

00:43:40.000 What was the other thing that we were just trying to find out?

00:43:42.000 Dog General.

00:43:43.000 Dog General, is that real?

00:43:46.000 Come on, dude.

00:43:49.000 I support the Dog General.

00:43:51.000 I know Dog General's out there.

00:43:52.000 He's probably listening right now.

00:43:54.000 What my friend was telling me when he served overseas because of the Geneva Convention.

00:44:02.000 That's real.

00:44:03.000 That's not real, bro.

00:44:04.000 That's so photoshopped.

00:44:06.000 That's so real.

00:44:07.000 Let that guy wear a dog mask.

00:44:09.000 The Dog General.

00:44:10.000 That's scary.

00:44:10.000 For real.

00:44:12.000 Exactly.

00:44:12.000 They want to make fun of us who are having trans and furries in our military.

00:44:16.000 Good luck fighting those dudes.

00:44:18.000 Maybe that's just what he does during, like, formal events.

00:44:21.000 In regular times, he's just a straight-up killer.

00:44:23.000 We should bomb other countries and make fun of our trans military members.

00:44:27.000 For real.

00:44:27.000 Yeah, fuck that.

00:44:29.000 You gonna fuck with us?

00:44:30.000 What was the other thing that I was gonna look up?

00:44:32.000 We're gonna look something else up.

00:44:33.000 Oh, um...

00:44:35.000 I know what you're talking...

00:44:35.000 The, uh...

00:44:37.000 Ah, fuck, I don't know.

00:44:38.000 Jamie, I can't believe you're not finding a dog general, dude.

00:44:40.000 What was the other question I asked?

00:44:42.000 There's a guy with the mask, and what was the other one?

00:44:45.000 Ukraine video stuff?

00:44:46.000 No, no.

00:44:47.000 I know what you're talking about.

00:44:49.000 God damn it.

00:44:50.000 The last thing I had up was the Andy Kaufman stuff.

00:44:51.000 No.

00:44:52.000 We're talking about cell phone videos.

00:44:54.000 We're all over the place.

00:44:55.000 We're talking about cell phone videos.

00:44:57.000 Oh, sending robots into...

00:45:00.000 Drone robots.

00:45:01.000 Drone robots.

00:45:01.000 There he is.

00:45:02.000 That's real.

00:45:03.000 Going to the dogs.

00:45:04.000 That's real?

00:45:05.000 No.

00:45:06.000 American conservative.

00:45:07.000 Celebrate pop pride.

00:45:10.000 Wait a minute.

00:45:11.000 So this is gay officers only wear these masks?

00:45:14.000 I don't know what this is.

00:45:16.000 Scroll back up.

00:45:17.000 It says, celebrate pup pride with the armed forces.

00:45:22.000 Gay officers pretend to be canines for sadomistic sex games.

00:45:28.000 This is the classic website, theamericanconservative.com.

00:45:31.000 Dude, that's like the Washington Post to me.

00:45:34.000 True, true.

00:45:36.000 They're all the same now.

00:45:38.000 Yeah, it's pretty bad.

00:45:40.000 Okay, so the guy likes to wear a mask.

00:45:42.000 I know, that's the point.

00:45:43.000 And then China and Russia were trying to make fun of us.

00:45:45.000 They were like, look how weird we are.

00:45:46.000 And it's like, bro, our guys will fuck you guys up.

00:45:49.000 There was another thing I wanted to ask, but I forget.

00:45:51.000 But there is one thing.

00:45:52.000 Someone told me that during...

00:45:54.000 Overseas war, because of the Geneva Convention, you aren't allowed to have hollow-point bullets in your pistol.

00:46:05.000 It's an unfair advantage.

00:46:07.000 Really?

00:46:07.000 Yeah.

00:46:08.000 You gotta use musket balls?

00:46:09.000 No, you have to use practice rounds that we use at the range.

00:46:12.000 Is that true?

00:46:13.000 1899 prohibited use of international warfare bullets that easily expand or flatten the body.

00:46:18.000 What?

00:46:19.000 It is a common misapprehension that a hollow point ammunition is prohibited by the Geneva Convention as the prohibition significantly predates those conventions.

00:46:28.000 But they still do implement that though.

00:46:32.000 My friend who served was explaining to me the rounds that they made them use over there.

00:46:37.000 What?

00:46:38.000 Yeah.

00:46:38.000 They tried to outlaw fucking night vision, dude.

00:46:40.000 Now, I don't know if that was just his unit.

00:46:42.000 I don't know.

00:46:43.000 That's crazy.

00:46:44.000 They tried to be like, this is unfair, what you guys are doing.

00:46:46.000 Do you know how crazy it is?

00:46:46.000 Fair and unfair when it comes to killing people?

00:46:48.000 I'm digging through it.

00:46:49.000 It's going to get weird.

00:46:50.000 2015 DOD law war manual returns hollow point bullets to armed conflict.

00:46:55.000 Well, I think he was- Imagine passing that bill.

00:46:57.000 But it's overseas, you said, I guess.

00:46:58.000 Get those back in here.

00:46:59.000 He was overseas.

00:47:00.000 It's time for some dude's heads to fucking explode.

00:47:03.000 I don't know if that's true, but that was what he had said.

00:47:06.000 And did they have hollow point bullets in 1889, I guess?

00:47:09.000 Yeah, but doesn't this stuff go out the window when, like, guys start fighting for their survival?

00:47:13.000 It certainly should.

00:47:14.000 Like, well, I don't want to break those rules.

00:47:15.000 But when you're seeing a scene like I saw with the foxhole, and, you know, that this is what these guys are going through today...

00:47:22.000 And it's all done on someone's fucking Samsung Galaxy, so it's like clear video.

00:47:27.000 It's horrible.

00:47:30.000 It's real close up, too.

00:47:32.000 It's like, oof.

00:47:32.000 It's kind of embarrassing at this point.

00:47:34.000 It's like, dude, you guys are really...

00:47:35.000 What are we doing?

00:47:36.000 You guys are shooting each other in the face right now?

00:47:38.000 Yeah, at this point, it's kind of embarrassing.

00:47:40.000 It's still happening.

00:47:40.000 It's like, come on, man.

00:47:42.000 Wow.

00:47:43.000 Civilizations, when they evolve with war, you never kind of get them out.

00:47:47.000 I think the only chance...

00:47:50.000 We have is if we keep, like, all moving to a new place with a new agreement.

00:47:56.000 Like, the reason why United States is so much different than anywhere else is because the majority of the people just said, look, let's get the fuck out of here and start a new place.

00:48:03.000 Because this shit's crazy.

00:48:04.000 And then everybody was like, hey, where'd you guys go?

00:48:06.000 And then that place, come new place, became the shit.

00:48:09.000 And that's really what America is.

00:48:11.000 But then, eventually, it gets fucked, too.

00:48:15.000 Like, we don't have the same, like, physical wars on our borders because we're luckily surrounded by water.

00:48:20.000 But we're still engaging in it all over the place and ramped up.

00:48:24.000 It's like we're involved in so many different conflicts all over the world.

00:48:27.000 It's almost like the only way you're ever going to stop that is if people keep moving.

00:48:30.000 It's like, all right, this one didn't work either.

00:48:32.000 Let's keep going one more time.

00:48:34.000 Antarctica, here we go.

00:48:35.000 And take over that one and then do that for a few hundred years and fuck that up.

00:48:39.000 And then everyone learns.

00:48:41.000 It's like the lessons that people learn.

00:48:44.000 In civilization, they take forever.

00:48:46.000 They take forever.

00:48:48.000 True.

00:48:48.000 We're still doing the death penalty.

00:48:49.000 We know how many people are innocent that are on death row.

00:48:52.000 We know.

00:48:53.000 We know we're killing innocent people.

00:48:55.000 Like, yeah, but fucking win's a win.

00:48:57.000 Win's a win.

00:48:59.000 Yeah.

00:49:01.000 One innocent person is terrible.

00:49:04.000 Imagine being falsely accused the whole time and you're like, no.

00:49:07.000 Dude, I've had multiple men like that on my podcast because of the stuff that I do with Josh Dubin, who used to be an ambassador for the Innocence Project.

00:49:16.000 He's released dozens of these people.

00:49:19.000 And the stories are horrible.

00:49:20.000 Well, you're crying.

00:49:21.000 I might have heard one you had on here.

00:49:22.000 I've had a few of them.

00:49:23.000 There's a guy with a little girl, and it was DNA reversed it.

00:49:26.000 Maybe it was on here.

00:49:26.000 Yes.

00:49:27.000 There's been a bunch of them.

00:49:28.000 They're like, we saw you with her the last time.

00:49:30.000 That was all it took.

00:49:32.000 Yeah.

00:49:32.000 And then they found he couldn't afford DNA testing or something.

00:49:35.000 Well, there's one guy who was an immigrant who walked into a trailer after this woman had murdered someone, and his footprints got everywhere, and they blamed him, and he was in jail for 20 years.

00:49:46.000 Like, that kind of shit.

00:49:46.000 Why is he walking around?

00:49:48.000 Well, it's like, what the fuck's going on?

00:49:49.000 Like, imagine you check in on people, and you open the door, and someone's been knifed to death.

00:49:55.000 And you're like, holy shit, and you're just realizing, you're trying to turn the lights on, like, what the fuck's going on?

00:50:00.000 And he's an illegal immigrant.

00:50:03.000 He's from another country.

00:50:03.000 Yeah, so he tried to hide.

00:50:04.000 And then the woman blames it on him, and it's just crazy.

00:50:08.000 Ah, that fucking sucks.

00:50:09.000 And it's just such a flawed system.

00:50:12.000 And the thing is, like, there's an incentive for a prosecutor, once they're starting to try a case, they want to win that fucking case.

00:50:18.000 They've got a record.

00:50:19.000 They have a reputation.

00:50:20.000 And so they're trying to win.

00:50:22.000 And when it's like a government prosecutor or a district attorney and they know there's some information that would exonerate that person, they're just like...

00:50:30.000 They don't give a fuck.

00:50:32.000 That seems like a problem, making it competitive for lawyers.

00:50:36.000 It's very bad.

00:50:37.000 To be like, I want to win.

00:50:38.000 There are DAs that are like, I arrested the most people.

00:50:41.000 Exactly.

00:50:41.000 It's like, yeah.

00:50:42.000 Yeah.

00:50:43.000 Then they run for office, and it's like, remember that?

00:50:44.000 I was tough on crime, and then all of a sudden, ten years later, being tough on crime is racist.

00:50:48.000 I wasn't tough on crime.

00:50:50.000 Now I'm the vice president.

00:50:53.000 Yeah, man.

00:50:53.000 I didn't call them super criminals.

00:50:56.000 Super predators.

00:50:57.000 Super predators is nuts.

00:50:59.000 That's crazy.

00:51:00.000 That's crazy he's getting jammed up on, like, manila folders when he was, like, kissing 12-year-old girls on camera.

00:51:06.000 I don't know jack shit about politics, but if I had to guess, they're trying to get rid of him.

00:51:14.000 My guess would be they're trying to get rid of him.

00:51:16.000 If all of a sudden, his own aides are sending these, instead of taking these classified documents, which you have located, and go, well, let's not do that again, and fucking locking them up somewhere.

00:51:30.000 His own aides?

00:51:31.000 Self-reporting?

00:51:32.000 Dude.

00:51:33.000 That sounds sus.

00:51:35.000 Well, no one self-reported that fucking laptop.

00:51:37.000 I know.

00:51:38.000 Well, that was Russian disinformation.

00:51:40.000 That reeks of Russian disinformation.

00:51:42.000 They got a hold of the social media companies and lied to them.

00:51:46.000 They did whatever the fuck they could to keep that from happening.

00:51:49.000 And even this, they discovered this before the midterms.

00:51:52.000 Yeah.

00:51:54.000 So they didn't release the information until after the midterms.

00:51:57.000 I mean, dude, I mean, everyone said this a million times, but like the news, if that was flip-flop, if it was, you know, Trump's kid, that would have been all over.

00:52:05.000 It would have been like, this is the fate of our democracy, rest in the sun, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:52:10.000 And the media would have gone right along with it.

00:52:11.000 Yeah, and it's like so obvious, and it sounds trite, but it's like, dude, why do they...

00:52:16.000 What's the incentive to be like, nah, fuck that guy, not that guy?

00:52:20.000 That kind of freaks me out.

00:52:21.000 Dude, there's a bunch of us that are just unrepresented.

00:52:23.000 It's the reasonable middle.

00:52:25.000 The reasonable middle of the world.

00:52:28.000 Unrepresented.

00:52:29.000 You've got radical left and radical right.

00:52:32.000 You've got people that are all in on the Republican Party, and you should never get an abortion, even if you've been raped.

00:52:38.000 You got wild shit on that side, and on the other side, you got men can get pregnant, you got all this chaos, you got FTX cells.

00:52:48.000 He was just making mistakes.

00:52:49.000 No big deal.

00:52:51.000 We should barely even attack him.

00:52:53.000 We don't even need to bring him in.

00:52:55.000 Come on, guys.

00:52:57.000 Yeah, why would they let that guy off the hook?

00:52:59.000 The number two donor to the Democratic Party.

00:53:02.000 Oh, duh.

00:53:02.000 Number two.

00:53:04.000 Yikes.

00:53:04.000 Just buy George Soros.

00:53:05.000 And they're like, whatever, whatever.

00:53:07.000 No one's freaking out.

00:53:09.000 I think it was the Republicans hanging on to that Santos dude.

00:53:12.000 That is wild.

00:53:13.000 The Republicans are like, no, he's a good dude.

00:53:15.000 That guy should be in jail.

00:53:16.000 Santos is the guy who's like, I'm Jewish.

00:53:18.000 Oh, that dude.

00:53:19.000 And they were like, you're not Jewish.

00:53:20.000 And he's like, I meant Jew-ish.

00:53:21.000 I'm like a Jew.

00:53:24.000 He's a master of the English language.

00:53:25.000 He's a master of the English language.

00:53:26.000 He lied about so many things.

00:53:28.000 He lied about everything.

00:53:28.000 I found out about it on the podcast.

00:53:30.000 It's hilarious.

00:53:30.000 And then I went on a deep dive.

00:53:31.000 I'm like, this guy's wild.

00:53:33.000 I was looking at him yesterday.

00:53:34.000 The first article that came up was like, he lied about being a volleyball star.

00:53:38.000 Yeah.

00:53:39.000 You ever see Biden lie about his education?

00:53:42.000 Have you ever seen that clip?

00:53:44.000 Where he lied about his education and they fact-checked him on the news?

00:53:47.000 What did he say he was?

00:53:49.000 Oh my god, he just flat-out lied about his credentials.

00:53:53.000 I think it fucked him up in that debate.

00:53:55.000 Oh, for sure.

00:53:56.000 He was running a while ago and he got fucked up on- Well, he ran for president in 88. He, like, plagiarized the speech, he did that.

00:54:01.000 Dude, we used to do Joe Biden night at Stitch's Comedy Club in Boston where we'd all do each other's acts.

00:54:07.000 That time, Joe Biden lied about his academic credentials.

00:54:10.000 So watch this video, because it's fucking crazy.

00:54:12.000 He was 76 of 85. He was so silly.

00:54:15.000 He might have got it wrong, though.

00:54:17.000 He might have been like 85 to top.

00:54:18.000 Truthfully, a guy who finishes 76 would get it wrong.

00:54:21.000 Oh, that's the video.

00:54:22.000 No, this is the video.

00:54:25.000 I've seen it.

00:54:26.000 He argues with this guy.

00:54:27.000 And the other question is, could you quickly...

00:54:30.000 I think I probably have a much higher IQ than you do, I suspect.

00:54:34.000 I went to law school on a full academic scholarship, the only one in my class to have a full academic scholarship.

00:54:41.000 In the first year in law school, I decided I didn't want to be in law school and ended up in the bottom two-thirds of my class, and then decided I wanted to stay, went back to law school, and in fact ended up in the top half of my class.

00:54:53.000 I won the international moot court competition.

00:54:55.000 I was the outstanding student in the political science department at the end of my year.

00:54:59.000 I graduated with three degrees from undergraduate school and 165 credits, only need 123 credits, and I'd be delighted to sit down and compare my IQ to yours if you'd like, Frank.

00:55:08.000 Can you rewind that and look at the guy who wants to fuck him so bad?

00:55:12.000 Did you see how happy that guy was?

00:55:14.000 He was like, you're doing it, Joe.

00:55:15.000 I know.

00:55:17.000 I'm not questioning your IQ at all.

00:55:19.000 I'm just saying that with the people that we have elected to office in recent years, I think that we have to question their credentials very Well I think you're right.

00:55:28.000 Damn.

00:55:29.000 But you know what I find kind of interesting?

00:55:31.000 It seems to me if you can speak, you're at a liability in the Democratic Party anymore.

00:55:35.000 It seems to me you've all become heartless technocrats.

00:55:38.000 It seems to me that you forget that what happens is we've never as a party...

00:55:42.000 Okay, pause this.

00:55:43.000 This is now nonsense.

00:55:44.000 Biden rules.

00:55:45.000 Now go to the article where it says what his actual stats were.

00:55:50.000 Because someone fact-checked him on the news.

00:55:52.000 It's not in that clip.

00:55:53.000 There's one that they played that clip on the news and then fact-checked it.

00:55:56.000 It'd be a nice edit like cutting that to like now him just fucking bumbling around on stage talking nonsense.

00:56:02.000 He's actually 70th in a class of 85. So he wasn't in the top half.

00:56:07.000 But there was a bunch of other stuff that he lied about in that clip, too.

00:56:10.000 In the news clip where they check it, this, like, hardcore news guy goes, actually, the true story is, and he just lays it all out.

00:56:19.000 Oh, that blows.

00:56:20.000 It sucks.

00:56:20.000 Imagine if you're lying and a dork comes in.

00:56:23.000 The new questions stem from taped remarks of Biden during an April campaign appearance in New Hampshire.

00:56:29.000 I went to law school on a full academic scholarship.

00:56:33.000 Yeah, scoot ahead a little to the where you can't.

00:56:36.000 Oh, okay.

00:56:36.000 I don't know what it's going on.

00:56:37.000 That's okay.

00:56:37.000 Keep playing.

00:56:38.000 That's crazy.

00:56:38.000 In my class, I'd have a full academic scholarship.

00:56:41.000 Went back to law school and in fact ended up in the top half of my class.

00:56:45.000 I was the outstanding student in the political science department at the end of my year.

00:56:49.000 I graduated with three degrees from undergraduate school and 165 credits, only 123 credits.

00:56:55.000 Biden now concedes he did not graduate in the top half of his law school class, that he does not have three degrees from college, and that he was not named outstanding political science student in college.

00:57:05.000 Newsweek says Biden actually went to school on a half scholarship, ended up near the bottom of his class.

00:57:10.000 And won only one degree, not three.

00:57:12.000 Joe Biden ranked 76th in the class of 85 at the University of Syracuse Law School.

00:57:18.000 I mean, this guy comes off this whole thing as a flyweight.

00:57:21.000 Now Biden says, and this week is right, his memory had failed him.

00:57:24.000 His memory had failed him.

00:57:26.000 My memory had failed me.

00:57:28.000 But his memory seems so good right there.

00:57:30.000 True.

00:57:31.000 That would be so scary if you could rattle off facts that you think are facts.

00:57:38.000 Oh boy.

00:57:39.000 Maybe he believed it.

00:57:40.000 Maybe he believed it.

00:57:42.000 My memory failed me.

00:57:43.000 Maybe his memory fails him all the time.

00:57:45.000 Maybe he's just, like, hanging on.

00:57:46.000 Just has a prepared speech for, if Bob asks this, I say that, he has to write it all out.

00:57:50.000 Yeah, I'm gonna ram it down his fucking throat.

00:57:52.000 The guy's like, I think you're an idiot.

00:57:53.000 He's like, actually, I got the highest IQ on Earth, motherfucker.

00:57:56.000 That does hurt when the dorks come after you, though.

00:57:59.000 Yeah.

00:57:59.000 When you're up there lying.

00:58:00.000 Well, especially those are the mainstream dorks.

00:58:02.000 Yeah.

00:58:03.000 I mean, that was Sam Donald.

00:58:04.000 That was back in the day, the real dorks.

00:58:06.000 Yeah, the real dorks.

00:58:06.000 The heavyweight dorks got him.

00:58:08.000 The journalists.

00:58:08.000 Yeah.

00:58:09.000 Yeah.

00:58:10.000 Jesus.

00:58:10.000 I exaggerate when I'm angry, but I've never gone around telling people things that aren't true about me.

00:58:15.000 That's not true.

00:58:15.000 An oxymoron?

00:58:17.000 You just lied right there.

00:58:18.000 I lied, but I never lie.

00:58:20.000 He just lied right there.

00:58:21.000 Because he lied.

00:58:22.000 He said he had three degrees.

00:58:23.000 That's not an exaggeration.

00:58:24.000 That's a lie.

00:58:25.000 Yeah.

00:58:26.000 You know, saying you're in the top half of your class is also a lie.

00:58:30.000 It's exaggerating.

00:58:31.000 If you say, I fucking killed it in college, but then they found out you were in the bottom half of the class, well, that's an exaggeration.

00:58:37.000 Well, that's kind of a lie, too.

00:58:38.000 He can be like, I was in a lot of clubs, I played, you know, intramural sports.

00:58:42.000 Yeah.

00:58:42.000 But, nah, he fucking, he fucked it up.

00:58:44.000 He went for it.

00:58:44.000 He lied.

00:58:45.000 And he called black people super predators, and, uh...

00:58:47.000 No, that was Hill Dog.

00:58:49.000 Didn't he say that?

00:58:50.000 I think it was Hillary.

00:58:51.000 I think it was him.

00:58:52.000 I think there's him on tape.

00:58:54.000 I think he's been on tape.

00:58:54.000 He's had some rough ones.

00:58:55.000 He had some rough ones.

00:58:56.000 I think they get these terms that they'd like to throw around, and then they start using them with each other, and it's like sort of a signal that we're all on the same page.

00:59:03.000 Oh, okay.

00:59:04.000 You know, whatever it is.

00:59:05.000 Whatever term they're using to try to push things across.

00:59:07.000 Hillary Clinton, not Joe Biden, use the term super predator.

00:59:11.000 Let's go.

00:59:12.000 Let's go.

00:59:13.000 Jamie.

00:59:14.000 This makes up for the lack of dog general info.

00:59:16.000 Joe Biden, let's go.

00:59:20.000 Yeah, Hillary, boy.

00:59:22.000 I know women want a female president.

00:59:25.000 You got one in Tulsi Gabbard.

00:59:26.000 Go get her.

00:59:28.000 That's one that you can really get behind.

00:59:30.000 Who do you like, Matt?

00:59:32.000 Who are you trying to endorse?

00:59:33.000 I want Yang, dude.

00:59:34.000 Yang's a beast.

00:59:36.000 I just want a new party.

00:59:37.000 I don't care what he does.

00:59:37.000 I just want a new party to win.

00:59:40.000 It'd be fun.

00:59:41.000 Just like knock the other two out.

00:59:42.000 You were getting early.

00:59:43.000 Yeah, I like the idea of just fucking...

00:59:45.000 You liked UBI at first.

00:59:46.000 You liked Universal Basic Income?

00:59:47.000 Were you a communist?

00:59:47.000 No, I thought it was a cool idea.

00:59:49.000 Try it.

00:59:49.000 My thing is just try it.

00:59:50.000 We should do wild experiments.

00:59:51.000 Just try it out.

00:59:52.000 I thought it was a cool idea until people started getting money during the pandemic and they didn't want to go back to work.

00:59:57.000 And I was like, oh no, this is what happens.

00:59:59.000 Then you try to go to Starbucks at a rest stop.

01:00:00.000 Yeah, you'd have a collapse of the service industry.

01:00:03.000 You'd collapse of jobs that suck.

01:00:05.000 But you would also have a resurgence of people doing what they actually want to do.

01:00:09.000 It wouldn't be everybody, but it would give a good chunk of people an opportunity to try something that they've always wanted to do where they don't have to worry about subsistence, right?

01:00:19.000 They don't have to worry about food and rent.

01:00:21.000 And then they can go pursue a dream.

01:00:23.000 But how many are going to do that?

01:00:24.000 I don't know.

01:00:25.000 Is it worth trying?

01:00:26.000 It might be.

01:00:27.000 I don't know.

01:00:27.000 I mean, but human nature, the problem with human nature, like, people, if you give them stuff and make them so they don't have to do anything, they don't do things.

01:00:36.000 That's a lot of people.

01:00:37.000 But a lot of people wouldn't.

01:00:38.000 They would look at it as an opportunity.

01:00:40.000 It's almost like you need to educate people as, like, what gives you meaning in life.

01:00:44.000 And I know being lazy is very attractive.

01:00:48.000 It draws you to it.

01:00:50.000 It's so comfortable to just sit on the couch and play video games and do nothing, but you're gonna get depressed.

01:00:56.000 You're gonna get depressed!

01:00:58.000 You need a task.

01:01:00.000 I think everybody needs a different task, and everybody has a different level of need, but you need tasks.

01:01:06.000 Yeah, forward motion.

01:01:07.000 Have you played Bannerlord?

01:01:10.000 Dude, if I played games, man, I'd have a fucking problem.

01:01:13.000 Jamie can tell you, I have a problem.

01:01:16.000 I get psychotically obsessed, and I'll play eight, ten hours a day, and I'll fuck up my life, and I'll look pale like a vampire.

01:01:24.000 What the fuck's wrong with that?

01:01:26.000 Dude, I was playing Quake.

01:01:28.000 I would play all night long, man.

01:01:30.000 I installed a T1 line in my house back when I couldn't get good internet because I was living in the mountains.

01:01:38.000 I was like, what can you do?

01:01:39.000 And they go, well, if you had a business, we could run a T1 line.

01:01:42.000 I go, well, I got a business.

01:01:43.000 Let's run a T1 line.

01:01:44.000 It was just you playing Quake.

01:01:45.000 They had to fucking dig up the street and lay pipes and shit.

01:01:49.000 Oh, they had to send the boring missiles.

01:01:50.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:50.000 I went hard.

01:01:52.000 Damn.

01:01:52.000 So I could play Quake.

01:01:54.000 How long did this last for?

01:01:55.000 Oh, I had to quit cold turkey.

01:01:57.000 I realized it was a real problem.

01:01:59.000 Fuck, I'm not excited about that.

01:02:01.000 I'm headed that way.

01:02:02.000 Eat games?

01:02:02.000 I plugged in the Xbox 360 this week and started playing NCAA 14. Took eight hours.

01:02:08.000 There was my friend, my friend Rob was a manager at the Comedy Store, real nice guy, and one day he said, you know, He played EverQuest all day.

01:02:16.000 He had a real problem.

01:02:17.000 And he goes, I'm so good at making money in EverQuest and so bad at it in the real world.

01:02:23.000 And I was like, this is profound.

01:02:25.000 Because he was having this...

01:02:26.000 He's out in public.

01:02:28.000 He left the house.

01:02:29.000 Because for him, that's a big deal to shut the computer off and leave the house.

01:02:32.000 He's so immersed in the game.

01:02:34.000 So he's hanging out with us at the store in the back bar.

01:02:37.000 And he's like, I gotta do something, man.

01:02:39.000 I gotta do something.

01:02:40.000 I'm like, you gotta quit.

01:02:43.000 They're fucking great.

01:02:44.000 I love them.

01:02:45.000 Don't get me wrong.

01:02:46.000 I'm not an anti-video game person.

01:02:47.000 I fucking love them.

01:02:49.000 But I know for me, they're too fun.

01:02:52.000 I was like, why am I just sitting around answering emails that I have to answer?

01:02:56.000 Why can I just be in a world of murder?

01:02:59.000 I gotta be honest.

01:03:01.000 That's exactly where I'm at.

01:03:03.000 Dude, I get emails and I go, fuck out of here.

01:03:05.000 I literally put the phone down.

01:03:12.000 I get addicted.

01:03:13.000 I can't do it.

01:03:15.000 And I suck too.

01:03:16.000 I suck at them.

01:03:17.000 That's very frustrating.

01:03:19.000 We lived together and I was like, I'm going to get good and beat Shane.

01:03:21.000 And I played all day.

01:03:23.000 He was at work, I was at home.

01:03:24.000 I was just fucking like, I'm going to kick his fucking ass.

01:03:26.000 I'm going to kick his ass and he came home.

01:03:28.000 I was like, what's this?

01:03:29.000 Beat my ass and I stormed up.

01:03:30.000 I get so mad too.

01:03:31.000 I can't handle it.

01:03:33.000 It's so hard, man.

01:03:35.000 I can't handle it.

01:03:36.000 I play, what's that, that karate game?

01:03:39.000 Is it Dead or Alive?

01:03:41.000 It's a fucking great karate game.

01:03:43.000 Where you get to pick all these different...

01:03:44.000 And my daughter kept jacking me up.

01:03:46.000 She was playing against...

01:03:48.000 She was using this little lady.

01:03:49.000 And this little lady does this little fast move.

01:03:51.000 She like spins around and kicks you in the head.

01:03:54.000 So frustrating.

01:03:56.000 We'll do a different move.

01:03:57.000 That's fine.

01:03:57.000 My daughter kept fucking me up.

01:03:59.000 She fucked me up.

01:03:59.000 She was so happy and I was so upset with myself.

01:04:02.000 I was like, I can't believe that.

01:04:04.000 That was that girl.

01:04:05.000 She's hot as fuck.

01:04:06.000 Yeah, and she dead or alive.

01:04:08.000 That's it.

01:04:09.000 Yeah, that's awesome.

01:04:09.000 It's a fucking great game.

01:04:10.000 It's so addictive.

01:04:12.000 Goddamn.

01:04:12.000 And you can, like, use some martial arts strategy in that game.

01:04:17.000 It's so fun.

01:04:17.000 If you know, like, good techniques.

01:04:19.000 Yeah.

01:04:20.000 I'm the only one that can do ground and pound in the UFC. I'm the only one that can do jujitsu in UFC in our video games.

01:04:25.000 So you know how to hit arm bars and stuff?

01:04:27.000 I crush them.

01:04:28.000 How do you learn?

01:04:29.000 Do you learn, like, pressing certain buttons at the same time?

01:04:31.000 Timing, all that stamina, all that.

01:04:33.000 Yeah.

01:04:33.000 Wow.

01:04:33.000 It's very fun.

01:04:34.000 Bro, doing the voiceover for that was one of the most brutal jobs I've ever had.

01:04:39.000 It's so long.

01:04:40.000 Because you have, like, these lists of all these things that can possibly happen, and all these fighters' names, and all these different scenarios.

01:04:49.000 How long does it take?

01:04:51.000 Hours and hours and hours.

01:04:52.000 Many, many, many, many days.

01:04:54.000 Yeah, you're working.

01:04:56.000 You're at a fucking sound booth.

01:04:58.000 And, you know, you're constantly drinking water because I'm screaming.

01:05:01.000 So I can only do it because, you know, it's like, oh!

01:05:03.000 You're doing shit like that.

01:05:05.000 See, you have to do it.

01:05:06.000 I'm trying to do it like a real fight.

01:05:07.000 You weren't in the last one.

01:05:08.000 It fucks me up.

01:05:09.000 I'm like, is it?

01:05:10.000 You weren't in the last one.

01:05:11.000 I genuinely was like, damn, dude, I need the fucking, ah!

01:05:14.000 I need it.

01:05:14.000 Daddy's busy.

01:05:15.000 Daddy's busy.

01:05:17.000 It's too much work.

01:05:18.000 It's so much work.

01:05:19.000 I was in the one before it, but they used my old stuff.

01:05:22.000 So I only did like two of them.

01:05:24.000 Then I was like, that's it.

01:05:25.000 I can't do it anymore.

01:05:26.000 Yeah, can't you just re-license the sounds, but just take the other ones.

01:05:28.000 Oh, you gotta use the new guys and stuff.

01:05:30.000 Yeah, it's new names, new people.

01:05:32.000 So that means new sessions and this fucking thing, reading off the paper.

01:05:35.000 Yeah, it's not coal mining.

01:05:36.000 I get it.

01:05:38.000 I mean...

01:05:38.000 But guess what?

01:05:39.000 I'm busy.

01:05:41.000 Yeah, but you get it in your head.

01:05:43.000 If you're just trying to say things right, it'll kind of spin you out.

01:05:46.000 Well, it's also a huge strain on your voice.

01:05:49.000 Because the way you're talking during a UFC fight, like if you're doing it, it's like you're pushing your vocal cords.

01:05:55.000 Wow, that was wild, by the way.

01:05:56.000 That was actually weird.

01:05:57.000 That was a gear.

01:05:58.000 That was a gear.

01:05:59.000 You shifted gears.

01:06:00.000 That was a Tesla.

01:06:03.000 How wild is that car?

01:06:04.000 Isn't it wild to feel that?

01:06:06.000 It's insane.

01:06:06.000 That's scary.

01:06:07.000 I took them on the ride in the Model S Plaid.

01:06:09.000 Yeah, it seems so normal, right?

01:06:11.000 Well, until I noticed your fucking steering wheel halfway through the ride.

01:06:14.000 You're like, this thing's cool, right?

01:06:16.000 Have you ever been in one?

01:06:16.000 I was like, I think I've been in a Tesla.

01:06:18.000 And I looked over and it was...

01:06:19.000 It's a yoke, like a Formula One car.

01:06:21.000 Yeah.

01:06:22.000 I don't like it.

01:06:23.000 I wish I had a regular steering wheel.

01:06:24.000 Regular steering wheel.

01:06:25.000 Really?

01:06:25.000 Yeah, I like a regular steering wheel.

01:06:27.000 Also, the horn's not in the center.

01:06:28.000 The horn's a button.

01:06:29.000 I don't like that.

01:06:30.000 Everything else I love.

01:06:31.000 It doesn't have a blinker stock.

01:06:32.000 Go to the blinker stock.

01:06:34.000 Everybody knows this.

01:06:35.000 It's not in the way.

01:06:36.000 It's an instinct.

01:06:37.000 It's not in the way either.

01:06:38.000 It's hidden behind the wheel.

01:06:39.000 Just do that, do that.

01:06:40.000 Everybody does it.

01:06:41.000 It's normal.

01:06:42.000 It's the best way to hit your blinkers.

01:06:44.000 And instead they have buttons.

01:06:45.000 People want to get crafty.

01:06:47.000 You don't have to get crafty.

01:06:48.000 Everything is minimalist.

01:06:49.000 Everything is done inside the panel.

01:06:52.000 The problem with that is the panel dies, then you're fucked.

01:06:54.000 You can't even roll your windows down.

01:06:55.000 You can't roll your windows down, but there's certain things you can't do.

01:06:59.000 You can't adjust the temperature.

01:07:01.000 Do you just turn off if it has an electrical shortage and you're flying?

01:07:05.000 It's never happened.

01:07:06.000 I've never had a problem.

01:07:07.000 That's cool.

01:07:08.000 I had a problem with a windshield wiper motor once, but it was just a defective windshield wiper motor.

01:07:12.000 Those cars are flawless.

01:07:13.000 They're so well engineered.

01:07:15.000 They just fucking do what they're supposed to do.

01:07:18.000 They suck in the cold, though.

01:07:19.000 A lot of these people that got them in these freezing temperatures in fucking Toronto and shit...

01:07:25.000 It drains that fucking battery in the cold.

01:07:28.000 Oh, yeah.

01:07:29.000 Yeah, you gotta think about that.

01:07:31.000 But for like regular driving, they make regular cars look stupid.

01:07:35.000 I don't know.

01:07:35.000 You ever see a Chevy Cruze?

01:07:39.000 Do you still have that?

01:07:40.000 No, my sister has it.

01:07:42.000 What are you going to get?

01:07:42.000 You should get something fat.

01:07:44.000 What?

01:07:45.000 You should get something nice.

01:07:46.000 Fat with a P. I don't know.

01:07:49.000 I live in New York.

01:07:50.000 I don't need a car.

01:07:50.000 I can't.

01:07:51.000 No, I want to get a car.

01:07:52.000 I can't.

01:07:53.000 Get yourself a Mustang.

01:07:55.000 Like a Shelby GT500. Matt got a CRV. CRVs are fucking sick.

01:08:01.000 Twins CRVs.

01:08:02.000 Me, my wife, have CRVs.

01:08:03.000 That's a nice CRV. Black CRV? Yeah, man.

01:08:05.000 Those things are fast.

01:08:06.000 And they're so nimble.

01:08:08.000 They're nice.

01:08:08.000 Wait, Honda CRV? Yeah, they're nimble.

01:08:11.000 Yeah, I wasn't sure.

01:08:12.000 He was excited about it.

01:08:13.000 No, Honda CRVs are great cars.

01:08:14.000 I sold them.

01:08:15.000 I love them.

01:08:16.000 Those are my favorite cars.

01:08:17.000 The gear shift ratio and them are crazy.

01:08:18.000 What is that piece of shit?

01:08:20.000 It's a Mustang.

01:08:21.000 It's a Mustang.

01:08:21.000 What?

01:08:22.000 Yeah.

01:08:22.000 That's a Mustang?

01:08:23.000 Did they put a bodysuit on it?

01:08:24.000 Oh, look, it does have a Mustang rear quarter panel.

01:08:27.000 It's made by them, I believe.

01:08:28.000 Oh, that looks gross.

01:08:29.000 Boy, that guy, bad investment advice.

01:08:32.000 I don't know.

01:08:33.000 If guy pulls up to your house, Shane, I want to make you money.

01:08:36.000 Is that the GT? You've got the Great Gatsby Mustang.

01:08:38.000 Yeah, but the Great Gatsby was a dope car back then.

01:08:41.000 It killed a person in the car.

01:08:42.000 It's the whole point of the movie.

01:08:43.000 The real Great Gatsby movie?

01:08:45.000 Yeah, it's kind of fucked up.

01:08:46.000 Oh, look, it's got a Mustang GT 5.0.

01:08:49.000 It's a coyote motor under there.

01:08:51.000 His ribs are kind of sick.

01:08:52.000 It is nice.

01:08:53.000 Yeah, I like my butt.

01:08:54.000 But the regular Mustang looks way better, you fucking dummy.

01:08:57.000 The regular Mustang.

01:08:59.000 Now go to 2023 Mustang.

01:09:03.000 What's the word?

01:09:04.000 Dark Horse?

01:09:05.000 I think they're called the Dark Horse.

01:09:08.000 This is the newest of the new Mustang.

01:09:10.000 See?

01:09:11.000 Why would you fuck that up, bitch?

01:09:13.000 Look at that thing.

01:09:14.000 Goddamn, that's sexy.

01:09:15.000 That's a sexy car.

01:09:16.000 We've had this conversation every time I'm on here.

01:09:18.000 Dude, I can't drive this car, dude.

01:09:21.000 That's a 500 horsepower.

01:09:23.000 Comes in a manual.

01:09:24.000 You can get that in a manual.

01:09:26.000 You're an SUV guy.

01:09:27.000 This is it.

01:09:27.000 Suburban.

01:09:28.000 The Dark Horses comes in a manual, right?

01:09:30.000 Doesn't it?

01:09:31.000 I've never even heard of it.

01:09:32.000 It's the newest of the new Mustangs.

01:09:35.000 New Breed-a-Pony.

01:09:36.000 It hasn't even come out.

01:09:37.000 500 horsepower.

01:09:37.000 I like that.

01:09:38.000 Carbon fiber trim.

01:09:39.000 I like that talk.

01:09:40.000 They can make it a lightweight package.

01:09:42.000 I'm interested.

01:09:43.000 Manual.

01:09:44.000 Six-speed manual.

01:09:45.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:09:46.000 So you can get it in a...

01:09:47.000 You can get it in a...

01:09:49.000 Scroll back up, please.

01:09:50.000 Sorry.

01:09:51.000 What is this?

01:09:54.000 Can you get an automatic too?

01:09:55.000 Nope.

01:09:56.000 Nope.

01:09:57.000 Just a manual.

01:09:58.000 Yes.

01:09:59.000 No pussies.

01:10:00.000 Oh, a 10-speed automatic.

01:10:01.000 Damn it.

01:10:02.000 Damn.

01:10:02.000 You ever lie about being able to drive manual?

01:10:05.000 I bought a car without knowing.

01:10:06.000 Literally every time someone asks me.

01:10:08.000 Every time someone asks me, I'm like, yeah.

01:10:12.000 I've only worked in cars.

01:10:14.000 I've worked in an auto auction.

01:10:15.000 I sold cars and then I worked in a garage in Philly and I couldn't drive stick.

01:10:22.000 And all the time they'd be like, you gotta bring this car out back.

01:10:24.000 I'd just sit there and be like, I'm gonna get found out.

01:10:28.000 Like, year two into my job.

01:10:31.000 Bro.

01:10:32.000 I'd have to find someone and be like, yo, can you please drive this?

01:10:34.000 Just put it in fucking neutral.

01:10:35.000 Just teach me real quick.

01:10:36.000 So many times where I've been in a car in front of everyone just...

01:10:41.000 You know La Cienega, where La Cienega connects to Sunset?

01:10:45.000 No.

01:10:46.000 You know that, right?

01:10:47.000 It's why no manual in LA. Oh, wait.

01:10:50.000 That steep-ass hill right by the store?

01:10:52.000 The steepest, right by the store.

01:10:53.000 Yes, I do know that.

01:10:53.000 I would take that in my Porsche, and it was a manual, and I'd always get stuck at the top.

01:10:59.000 I stalled out like three or four times.

01:11:01.000 Yeah.

01:11:01.000 Because you're like this.

01:11:02.000 Yeah, that hill is insane.

01:11:03.000 It's like crazy peach.

01:11:04.000 Fuck that.

01:11:04.000 So I had to learn how to hit the emergency brake and slowly let out the clutch while I let the emergency brake up.

01:11:10.000 That's how bad the hill is.

01:11:12.000 That's how I did mine every time.

01:11:14.000 I had like a...

01:11:15.000 No, what was it?

01:11:16.000 A Ford Contour.

01:11:18.000 I bought it stick shift off some Polish dude.

01:11:20.000 That's why if you have a stick, you need a fucking real handbrake.

01:11:23.000 Yeah.

01:11:23.000 If you have a stick.

01:11:24.000 You can't have these bullshit fucking electronic brakes.

01:11:27.000 Like, what is that?

01:11:29.000 Electronic.

01:11:29.000 Like, what are we doing?

01:11:31.000 Everything's electronic.

01:11:32.000 At least some cars like this, like Fords, are making these cars that we just...

01:11:37.000 That's like an advanced muscle car.

01:11:39.000 That's what that's like.

01:11:40.000 You get a feel.

01:11:41.000 You get a...

01:11:42.000 That's the fun!

01:11:45.000 That's neat.

01:11:45.000 That's the fun!

01:11:46.000 I get scared.

01:11:47.000 Don't be scared.

01:11:48.000 I get scared.

01:11:48.000 I got scared in that Tesla, dude.

01:11:49.000 You're scared as shit.

01:11:50.000 I literally...

01:11:51.000 I had 2% of me, he's like, I might die right now.

01:11:53.000 Bro, I closed my eyes.

01:11:54.000 I didn't want to tell you guys.

01:11:55.000 Did you?

01:11:56.000 For a second, I closed my eyes, and then I realized how fucking insane that was.

01:12:01.000 No, it was genuinely impressive to move that fast.

01:12:05.000 My body was just like...

01:12:07.000 I freaked out.

01:12:08.000 I wanted you to give me permission.

01:12:11.000 You got consent.

01:12:12.000 I wouldn't be that guy.

01:12:13.000 You didn't want me to?

01:12:15.000 No, we didn't.

01:12:15.000 I wouldn't mind, you know.

01:12:17.000 I'd like to feel that again.

01:12:18.000 But it's bizarre, right?

01:12:19.000 It was very bizarre.

01:12:20.000 Because it's this four-door sedan.

01:12:21.000 It looks like a normal car.

01:12:23.000 It doesn't look like a fast car.

01:12:24.000 I almost clutched your torso from behind.

01:12:26.000 I almost fucking held on.

01:12:31.000 And then he's going to have that little one that's even faster than that.

01:12:33.000 It's the start of an all new...

01:12:34.000 Jamie, do not let that happen again.

01:12:38.000 Let's take it to a commercial break.

01:12:39.000 These autoplay motherfuckers.

01:12:42.000 I was looking at new muscle cars.

01:12:44.000 This is the new Challenger.

01:12:45.000 Yeah, but that's electric.

01:12:46.000 Is this one?

01:12:47.000 That's the electric one.

01:12:49.000 I was trying to look up the Banshee.

01:12:49.000 I guess it just...

01:12:50.000 Look, you don't see exhaust pipes.

01:12:52.000 Oh, that sucks.

01:12:53.000 It's electric and it makes fake noises.

01:12:56.000 It makes like rawr, rawr.

01:12:58.000 That's kind of funny.

01:13:00.000 It actually does that though?

01:13:01.000 Yes.

01:13:02.000 Like audible outside of the car?

01:13:04.000 Yeah, listen to this stupid shit.

01:13:06.000 It's the dumbest idea of all time.

01:13:08.000 This is just literally so you can bother people?

01:13:11.000 Yeah, that's it.

01:13:12.000 It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

01:13:18.000 Listen to this.

01:13:20.000 That sound is all fake.

01:13:22.000 Is there speakers, I guess?

01:13:23.000 Yes!

01:13:24.000 That should be illegal.

01:13:26.000 That should be illegal.

01:13:29.000 Jesus Christ.

01:13:30.000 That's the fake butt of the car world.

01:13:34.000 That's what it sounds like when you rev it.

01:13:37.000 Listen, it's got this low rumble to it.

01:13:39.000 Low rumble is kind of ominous.

01:13:42.000 The only good thing about the rumble is it's good for people walking on the streets and shit.

01:13:47.000 You hear the car.

01:13:48.000 Yeah, true.

01:13:49.000 Or protesting.

01:13:52.000 That's so dumb.

01:13:54.000 That's so dumb it hurts my feelings that I do.

01:13:58.000 Fake rumble.

01:13:59.000 They gotta make some noise.

01:14:00.000 Yeah, you can't have that.

01:14:01.000 You can't have that thing on a They Will Not Replace Us rally.

01:14:08.000 That's not great.

01:14:08.000 You might have to edit that one out.

01:14:09.000 You can't give them stealth.

01:14:11.000 That's a fair point.

01:14:11.000 Stealth's a nightmare for those people.

01:14:13.000 Well, you know what the problem with that sound thing is?

01:14:16.000 It seems like you could hack that and have it play whatever you want.

01:14:19.000 Definitely.

01:14:19.000 Have you been to Jamaica?

01:14:20.000 No.

01:14:21.000 Wild.

01:14:22.000 What do they do?

01:14:23.000 Dudes just ride around.

01:14:23.000 They have speakers on every car.

01:14:26.000 Speakers outside.

01:14:28.000 Blasting music, dude.

01:14:29.000 Constantly.

01:14:30.000 That's what people are going to do with that thing.

01:14:32.000 Or have it talk.

01:14:33.000 When Jamaicans get a hold of this.

01:14:34.000 The Tesla, you could make fart, right?

01:14:36.000 Yes.

01:14:37.000 Inside the car.

01:14:37.000 But outside, you could too.

01:14:39.000 Oh, really?

01:14:39.000 And I think they had to cancel that because people were fucking up.

01:14:42.000 Well, that's actually very funny.

01:14:43.000 Do you remember that movie, was it Scanner Darkly?

01:14:47.000 No, what was the movie with Alex Jones where they animated him?

01:14:51.000 Like back before Alex Jones was persona non grata, he was in this like mainstream animated movie.

01:14:57.000 That sounds like Scanner Darkly.

01:14:58.000 Was it Scanner Darkly?

01:15:00.000 He's in Waking Life.

01:15:01.000 Waking Life, that's right.

01:15:03.000 Play the clip of him from Waking Life because it's him driving around in a car with a speaker on the roof.

01:15:09.000 Look at this.

01:15:13.000 Don't talk about politics or religion.

01:15:15.000 This is all the equivalent of enemy propaganda rolling across the picket line.

01:15:20.000 Lay down, G.I., lay down, G.I. We saw it all through the 20th century.

01:15:24.000 And now in the 21st century, it's time to stand up and realize that we should not allow ourselves to be crammed into this rat maze.

01:15:31.000 We should not submit to dehumanization.

01:15:33.000 I don't know about you, but I'm concerned with what's happening in this world.

01:15:37.000 I'm concerned with the structure.

01:15:39.000 I'm concerned with the systems of control.

01:15:41.000 Those that control my life and those that seek to control it even more!

01:15:45.000 I want freedom!

01:15:47.000 That's what I want!

01:15:48.000 And that's what Jason want!

01:15:49.000 It's up to each and every one of us.

01:15:51.000 That's what I do when I drive.

01:15:53.000 What year was this movie?

01:15:54.000 With your daughter in the back.

01:15:57.000 2001. 2001. Richard Linklater.

01:16:00.000 Isn't that wild?

01:16:00.000 I mean, he's kind of killing it right there.

01:16:02.000 Yeah, that was actually pretty good.

01:16:03.000 Yeah, that was very good.

01:16:04.000 Yeah, one giant blunder.

01:16:05.000 It was a big blunder.

01:16:06.000 It's a big one.

01:16:08.000 Yeah, I got you.

01:16:10.000 Kind of the worst blunder, almost.

01:16:11.000 The worst blunder you can make.

01:16:13.000 It's the worst.

01:16:14.000 It involves every bad thing.

01:16:16.000 Yeah.

01:16:16.000 Guns, kids, lies.

01:16:19.000 But didn't he take it back before they got him?

01:16:20.000 He did, but the problem is...

01:16:23.000 You know, those people sued him and won $965 million.

01:16:27.000 That's a lot of money.

01:16:28.000 And in Connecticut, they won a large settlement in Texas, but in Texas it's capped.

01:16:35.000 So I think it's capped at like $700 and something thousand dollars.

01:16:39.000 So even though it might have been like $40 million, really he has to pay $750,000 per once.

01:16:45.000 It was like $1.5 million or something.

01:16:47.000 But then the Connecticut one's not capped.

01:16:49.000 The Connecticut one's different.

01:16:51.000 Yeah, isn't it like a billion dollars?

01:16:52.000 It's close to a billion dollars.

01:16:54.000 Yeah.

01:16:54.000 That's a pretty funny way to end a trial.

01:16:56.000 Is he on a payment plan?

01:16:57.000 Like, how is he...

01:16:57.000 Who's the judge?

01:16:58.000 Fucking Dr. Evil?

01:17:00.000 How can you ever...

01:17:02.000 How can you ever come up with that number?

01:17:04.000 That number's so crazy.

01:17:06.000 The number only exists if you're trying to just put someone out of business.

01:17:09.000 Like, completely and forever.

01:17:10.000 Yeah?

01:17:11.000 Yeah.

01:17:11.000 I mean, he's still going, isn't he?

01:17:13.000 Is he still going?

01:17:13.000 Yeah, he's not going to be able to make a fucking billion, dude.

01:17:16.000 This is impossible.

01:17:17.000 But the other question is, like, if...

01:17:22.000 If it goes back to trial, do they reduce them?

01:17:25.000 How does that work?

01:17:26.000 Are you allowed to appeal?

01:17:28.000 I would imagine you're going to appeal.

01:17:29.000 I mean, it's probably pretty...

01:17:30.000 I don't know.

01:17:31.000 Who knows?

01:17:32.000 This could go on forever and just bleed him financially.

01:17:34.000 He should get a pirate ship.

01:17:36.000 He should go out to the seas and broadcast from the seas.

01:17:39.000 He should save up enough money to buy a boat.

01:17:40.000 He should buy Epstein's Island.

01:17:42.000 He should.

01:17:42.000 It's for sale.

01:17:43.000 What's going on with it?

01:17:44.000 It's for sale.

01:17:44.000 Nobody wants it?

01:17:46.000 Do you want it?

01:17:47.000 I can't afford it.

01:17:48.000 What are you trying to say?

01:17:48.000 You're trying to say you want it?

01:17:49.000 Open up your sandals.

01:17:50.000 Yeah, I don't fucking buy it.

01:17:52.000 It's a waste of a good island.

01:17:54.000 Ghosts would be floating around that island.

01:17:56.000 Young, hot ghosts.

01:17:59.000 Russian.

01:18:00.000 The best ghosts of all time.

01:18:02.000 You'd be chasing them like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:18:04.000 Come back, haunt me.

01:18:06.000 I'm lonely.

01:18:07.000 I'm over here watching Avatar by myself.

01:18:10.000 Whoa.

01:18:11.000 Bespoke.

01:18:12.000 That's it.

01:18:13.000 It's $55 million.

01:18:15.000 Bro.

01:18:16.000 $55 million.

01:18:17.000 Scroll back up so I can get an overhead again.

01:18:18.000 Look at that.

01:18:19.000 There's the temple.

01:18:20.000 That's the temple.

01:18:21.000 Can you imagine if I opened up a podcast studio where Epstein's Island used to be?

01:18:24.000 I mean...

01:18:26.000 Just imagine.

01:18:26.000 So where do they fly them in?

01:18:28.000 They fly them in somewhere else, and then they have to yacht it out there?

01:18:31.000 Whatever it's called.

01:18:32.000 The Big St. James has an airstrip on it, and then they take a boat over.

01:18:36.000 So he's going to go in two islands, actually.

01:18:37.000 What's stopping you from doing this?

01:18:39.000 So this is like, did you see the Glass Onion?

01:18:42.000 Did you see that, Jamie?

01:18:43.000 I did not watch it yet.

01:18:43.000 The Netflix, it's a new Knives Out.

01:18:46.000 It's fun.

01:18:47.000 It's good.

01:18:47.000 But the dude is kind of like an Elon Musk character, and he owns an island just like this.

01:18:53.000 You fly into St. Thomas and take a private helicopter.

01:18:55.000 It's amazing.

01:18:56.000 Nobody wants that island.

01:18:57.000 Do you know how many recording pieces of equipment?

01:19:00.000 You have to tear down every wall.

01:19:01.000 Every wall is bugged.

01:19:03.000 Everything.

01:19:03.000 There's probably every fucking picture.

01:19:05.000 The eyes are filming you.

01:19:07.000 Yeah, shit.

01:19:09.000 I mean, I'd imagine you wanted to demolish everything anyway.

01:19:12.000 So you have to land on that one little island that's a landing strip.

01:19:15.000 That's a helipad, it says.

01:19:17.000 Is that a landing strip, too?

01:19:19.000 I thought this one did, but it said you land in St. Thomas, so that might be a little bit back here.

01:19:22.000 Did they bulldoze the temple?

01:19:26.000 No, that's not his island.

01:19:27.000 That's not the same island.

01:19:28.000 That's the island where you can land.

01:19:30.000 That's close by.

01:19:30.000 No, this is the island.

01:19:31.000 That's his island?

01:19:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:19:32.000 Oh, so he has a helipad.

01:19:34.000 Correct.

01:19:35.000 Oh, okay.

01:19:36.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

01:19:36.000 I was confused.

01:19:37.000 Or is that temple up there?

01:19:39.000 I thought they were saying that this is the place where you can land.

01:19:40.000 I'm like, where the fuck are you going to land on this little rock?

01:19:42.000 You think someone would demolish the temple.

01:19:44.000 You should put your podcast studio in the temple, dude.

01:19:46.000 Well, why would they demolish anything?

01:19:48.000 If it's valuable, somebody might want it as is.

01:19:51.000 There's a lot of nutty fucking people in the world.

01:19:54.000 If you're some Saudi billionaire and you're drinking whiskey, and you're like, you know what I'm going to do?

01:19:59.000 I'm going to buy that fucking island.

01:20:04.000 Just like they bought the WWE. I'm going to buy that fucking island.

01:20:07.000 I'm going to stick it in Clinton's face.

01:20:10.000 Look where I am.

01:20:12.000 Do you recognize this room?

01:20:14.000 You should.

01:20:15.000 Yeah.

01:20:16.000 I know what you're doing there.

01:20:17.000 Yeah.

01:20:17.000 Trump only hung out with the staff.

01:20:19.000 I only went there 26 times.

01:20:21.000 26 is a lot.

01:20:21.000 26 is not a lot of times.

01:20:23.000 That's incriminating.

01:20:24.000 There's so many days in the year.

01:20:26.000 Yeah, that was...

01:20:27.000 No one talks about that anymore.

01:20:28.000 That was a weird one.

01:20:29.000 It's only 26 times.

01:20:30.000 You got a good Clinton.

01:20:31.000 It's not bad.

01:20:33.000 I gotta listen to him.

01:20:34.000 If I listen to him, I can get it pretty good.

01:20:35.000 What's he up to now?

01:20:37.000 Not much.

01:20:38.000 Hiding.

01:20:38.000 Yeah.

01:20:40.000 He's done that.

01:20:40.000 The world's turned on him.

01:20:41.000 Yeah, but he's also...

01:20:42.000 Oh, yeah.

01:20:42.000 He had some rough ones.

01:20:43.000 He's old, bro.

01:20:44.000 He's old as shit.

01:20:45.000 He's not just old.

01:20:46.000 He's old.

01:20:46.000 He had heart problems.

01:20:47.000 Then he got on a vegan diet.

01:20:49.000 And the vegan diet is like, you know, you got to do that.

01:20:52.000 You got to be real good with that.

01:20:54.000 If you want to do that and be healthy, you have to really dot your I's and cross your T's and make sure you get all your macronutrients and shit, and you got to take supplements.

01:21:04.000 He just looks like this.

01:21:05.000 You're in ketosis, man.

01:21:07.000 I was.

01:21:08.000 You're out of ketosis?

01:21:08.000 So I started getting, like, restless leg for my whole body.

01:21:11.000 I did a week.

01:21:12.000 It felt awesome.

01:21:13.000 I felt great.

01:21:14.000 Then, like, the last night- No, no, I'm saying before that.

01:21:17.000 I was like, I got out of the keto flu, and all of a sudden...

01:21:19.000 I was like, maybe there's something to wrestle slug.

01:21:20.000 No, I hate it.

01:21:21.000 But I never...

01:21:22.000 I had it in my arms, too.

01:21:23.000 I was like a dead bug.

01:21:24.000 I was in my bed, and I was just like...

01:21:26.000 I think it was an electrolyte thing.

01:21:27.000 I looked it up.

01:21:28.000 So I'm going to try it again.

01:21:29.000 I think I fucked up my electrolytes.

01:21:31.000 Yeah, do you take an electrolyte supplement?

01:21:32.000 Nah.

01:21:33.000 You should.

01:21:33.000 Everybody should.

01:21:34.000 So easy.

01:21:35.000 Take this stuff called liquid IV. It's the shit.

01:21:37.000 You dump it in water, shake it up.

01:21:39.000 We got a lot of it.

01:21:40.000 Tastes great.

01:21:40.000 Yeah, I gotta do that.

01:21:41.000 Filled with vitamins and electrolytes.

01:21:44.000 Like, so many people are deficient in certain nutrients.

01:21:47.000 And so many people are dehydrated.

01:21:50.000 Yeah.

01:21:50.000 It's so easy to be dehydrated.

01:21:52.000 Like, you really should be drinking water all the fucking time.

01:21:55.000 Yeah.

01:21:56.000 Dude, I felt good though.

01:21:58.000 I didn't realize how different you feel.

01:21:59.000 First of all, you don't need really to eat them.

01:22:01.000 I was crushing carbs.

01:22:03.000 Yeah.

01:22:04.000 And I went down to not eating any.

01:22:05.000 I'm like, oh, I didn't know I didn't need that my whole life.

01:22:08.000 I've been primarily eating those.

01:22:09.000 I think different people react different ways.

01:22:11.000 I have a buddy that's been on keto now for like six months.

01:22:14.000 He's lost 60 pounds.

01:22:15.000 He looks fucking great.

01:22:16.000 He said, I'm never going back again.

01:22:17.000 Dana White is another one.

01:22:18.000 Dana White lost like 40 pounds.

01:22:21.000 And he's like, dude, I'm eating like this for the rest of my life.

01:22:23.000 He goes, it was all just sugar and bullshit and carbs.

01:22:26.000 And he was having all sorts of health problems.

01:22:28.000 But my buddy looks fucking great.

01:22:30.000 John Dudley.

01:22:31.000 He looks great.

01:22:32.000 He's like thin now.

01:22:33.000 I can hardly recognize him.

01:22:35.000 He's 6'5", and now he's 200 pounds.

01:22:38.000 Oh, wow.

01:22:39.000 Like, that's crazy.

01:22:40.000 He was like, at one point in time, he's like 250, probably even higher.

01:22:43.000 He's a big boy.

01:22:44.000 And now he looks fucking lean and mean.

01:22:47.000 He's like, my joints feel amazing.

01:22:49.000 My energy levels are great.

01:22:51.000 I just don't think it's for everybody.

01:22:53.000 I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all diet.

01:22:55.000 I know a lot of people that just go vegan and they're fine.

01:22:58.000 And I know a lot of people that try it and their body gets fucked up.

01:23:02.000 I just think everybody's different, man.

01:23:04.000 You think that happened to Bill?

01:23:06.000 Clinton.

01:23:06.000 He looks like shit.

01:23:08.000 But I think it's also- How old is he?

01:23:09.000 He's old as fuck, right?

01:23:10.000 A lot of sleepless nights.

01:23:12.000 There's a lot of thinking about all the shit he did.

01:23:15.000 Imagine the internet coming out towards the end and that comes out and they're like, oh, fuck.

01:23:19.000 Well, not just that, but having to live with being the president and all the shit that you gave the fucking thumbs up to and all the people that died and all the countries that got invaded and all the fucking Black ops that we don't know about and all the people that got assassinated and all the people that,

01:23:36.000 like, how about the Obama administration?

01:23:38.000 How many people died from drone strikes that were innocent?

01:23:41.000 A lot!

01:23:42.000 It was in the 90% range.

01:23:44.000 Yeah, it was a lot.

01:23:44.000 Of civilians, of innocent people that died in these targeted surgical drone strikes.

01:23:50.000 Isn't that an amazing term you could use?

01:23:52.000 Surgical?

01:23:53.000 Surgical for a missile with a bomb on the other side.

01:23:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:23:56.000 Very precise.

01:23:57.000 Ah!

01:23:57.000 Surgical strikes!

01:23:59.000 Missed it again.

01:24:00.000 Silent dinner, silent like pot roast with Hillary Clinton, dude.

01:24:04.000 Your bill is a silent fucking, like you fucked up some thing on the news and she's not talking to you.

01:24:08.000 She's in her pantsuit just like...

01:24:10.000 They have some sort of an arrangement.

01:24:12.000 I can only imagine.

01:24:14.000 You think they don't even like, you think they're just like totally different wings of the house or something?

01:24:17.000 They're partners.

01:24:18.000 They're business partners.

01:24:19.000 But she's still going.

01:24:21.000 She's still cognizant.

01:24:22.000 Oh yeah, she's great.

01:24:24.000 In terms of who would have been a better president representing the country, her or Biden, her by a long shot.

01:24:30.000 Even if you don't agree with her politics or you think she's a criminal, that lady's a stateswoman.

01:24:35.000 Biden, eight years ago, Biden.

01:24:37.000 I liked Biden back in the day.

01:24:39.000 He was always full of shit.

01:24:41.000 Yeah, but I like the fucking like, hey, fuck you, I'll get the highest IQ on earth.

01:24:46.000 Hey, buddy, fuck off.

01:24:47.000 You're talking a lot of shit.

01:24:48.000 Remember when you got confronted by that guy at the factory?

01:24:51.000 The factory, yeah.

01:24:51.000 He's an old man.

01:24:52.000 Yeah.

01:24:53.000 I can't confront old men, dude.

01:24:54.000 You're trying to take away our guns.

01:24:55.000 This guy was like a fucking regular worker.

01:24:57.000 Like, you don't know shit.

01:24:58.000 Yeah.

01:25:00.000 He spazzes, dude.

01:25:02.000 Biden gets hit with young dudes coming up being like, you're taking our guns.

01:25:06.000 I'll kick your ass!

01:25:07.000 Hey, buddy!

01:25:09.000 What the hell are you talking about?

01:25:12.000 What do you call him?

01:25:14.000 Dog-faced pony soldier.

01:25:17.000 Dog-faced pony soldier.

01:25:19.000 Oh, shit.

01:25:20.000 You're full of shit.

01:25:22.000 What's that sound?

01:25:24.000 I don't have any idea.

01:25:26.000 But he used to be good.

01:25:27.000 I don't know.

01:25:28.000 Oh.

01:25:29.000 It's not our audio, it's this audio?

01:25:31.000 No, it's just our video.

01:25:32.000 See if you can find another one.

01:25:34.000 Yeah, here we go.

01:25:39.000 You're actively trying to stop.

01:25:40.000 You're full of shit.

01:25:42.000 Shush.

01:25:43.000 Danny, shush, lady.

01:25:45.000 Damn!

01:25:45.000 Shush.

01:25:46.000 I support the Second Amendment.

01:25:51.000 There's a way better video of it, though, right?

01:25:54.000 I have a shotgun.

01:25:55.000 He always talks about a shotgun.

01:25:56.000 I've got a shotgun.

01:25:57.000 As if he doesn't have, like, armed murderers hanging around his house 24-7.

01:26:02.000 I've got a shotgun.

01:26:03.000 I'm an old...

01:26:04.000 I'll take my 12-gauge and shoot it out in the sky and he'll run for comfort.

01:26:08.000 I think he makes up everything.

01:26:10.000 Yeah, he's just living in a fucking movie.

01:26:11.000 He does talk confidently, though.

01:26:12.000 He sounded like he was actually handling business there.

01:26:14.000 He hit a fucking lady with shush and he was like, you're full of shit.

01:26:16.000 Yeah.

01:26:17.000 Do you think he's on Adderall?

01:26:19.000 Something.

01:26:20.000 He's gotta be.

01:26:21.000 I think there's a lot of functional people that are on Adderall.

01:26:23.000 I think Trumpdog was flying.

01:26:25.000 He was on some something.

01:26:26.000 Trump was flying on something.

01:26:28.000 I think a lot of people are doing that.

01:26:30.000 Dave Portnoy is pretty open about it.

01:26:31.000 Adderall?

01:26:32.000 He told me he did it before the podcast.

01:26:33.000 Yeah.

01:26:34.000 And he seemed totally normal.

01:26:35.000 Yeah.

01:26:35.000 But he's like, if I don't have it, I just feel like I don't have my edge.

01:26:38.000 Really?

01:26:39.000 Yeah.

01:26:40.000 Doesn't it like, I heard it shrinks your, like while you're high on it, shrinks your burn.

01:26:43.000 Your penis is gone, dude.

01:26:44.000 Yeah, it turns like gray.

01:26:45.000 Really?

01:26:45.000 Yeah.

01:26:46.000 It's gone.

01:26:47.000 Like a cocaine thing.

01:26:48.000 Almost worse, because Adderall's all day.

01:26:51.000 Your dick is...

01:26:52.000 Dude, your dick is this.

01:26:53.000 I take Adderall sometimes just to get fucked up.

01:26:56.000 It's fun to drink on, dude.

01:26:58.000 You take Adderall, you can drink all day.

01:26:59.000 You can drink all day anyway.

01:27:01.000 No, but I'll go...

01:27:03.000 I'll take Adderall and drink until my body shuts down.

01:27:07.000 But because of the Adderall, you're still there.

01:27:09.000 We went to the World Series.

01:27:11.000 I went to the Phillies Astros World Series.

01:27:14.000 I was blacked out, but I was fully like...

01:27:17.000 What's going on?

01:27:18.000 Then we tried to leave the stadium, and I was like...

01:27:20.000 I was like, yo, I can't walk.

01:27:24.000 Notre Dame, Ohio State, I left.

01:27:25.000 I couldn't walk.

01:27:26.000 Yeah, it's like in Call of Duty when your character dies, but you get the camera to float around the whole thing.

01:27:31.000 If you take Adderall, you can day drink.

01:27:32.000 Because I don't...

01:27:33.000 Yeah.

01:27:33.000 I can't drink on Adderall.

01:27:35.000 How often do you take it?

01:27:36.000 That was the two times I've taken it.

01:27:38.000 Damn, it seems exciting.

01:27:39.000 Ohio State, Notre Dame, World Series.

01:27:41.000 It's a big day.

01:27:42.000 If I'm taking Adderall, it's a big day.

01:27:43.000 Dude, what's a dose?

01:27:45.000 Whoever I'm with, there's always somebody around that is prescribed.

01:27:49.000 Yeah, it's 10 to 20. I would say it's like 10 to 20. Always.

01:27:51.000 It's crazy.

01:27:52.000 Yeah, 10 to 20 milligrams, probably.

01:27:54.000 10 to 20. Sometimes you run into people that are like 30, fucking 40 milligrams.

01:27:59.000 Crunch the time release.

01:28:00.000 We Googled the number.

01:28:01.000 I think Pornoy said it takes a 30. I didn't bring it up.

01:28:04.000 I was like, that's a lot.

01:28:05.000 Some people munch the time release, too.

01:28:06.000 They have little balls and you can crack down on them and just get it all at once.

01:28:09.000 Bro, I've tried to snort those things.

01:28:11.000 Those are some dark evenings.

01:28:13.000 I tried- I tried- I tried- I tried drinking on it twice.

01:28:21.000 The one time I was- I was in college.

01:28:24.000 I tried to- I was on the Adderall.

01:28:25.000 I didn't realize even like what it was.

01:28:26.000 I was drinking on it.

01:28:27.000 I got all zoomed out and I was like at the kind of a- not like a super high level of a concert.

01:28:31.000 And I was like, I'm gonna jump down to the next level.

01:28:34.000 And I tried to jump down, and I got kicked out immediately.

01:28:37.000 It was fucked up.

01:28:39.000 I was like, if I could time it perfectly where all the guards' backs are turned, I'll jump down to the pit, climb up, and jump into the other area.

01:28:46.000 You tried to get up to the stage.

01:28:48.000 It just snagged me.

01:28:48.000 Yeah, of course.

01:28:49.000 It snagged me.

01:28:50.000 You're a mess.

01:28:50.000 I was like, I'll jump into the crowd, I'll blend.

01:28:53.000 And the crowd just parted as I jumped into them.

01:28:55.000 The guy just beat the fuck out of me.

01:28:56.000 I was at a South Carolina.

01:28:57.000 South Carolina, he beat your ass.

01:28:59.000 He saw you jump down.

01:28:59.000 He knocked my one shoe off.

01:29:00.000 Yeah.

01:29:00.000 Knocked my one shoe off.

01:29:01.000 I got back in.

01:29:03.000 I kicked my other shoe off so I didn't look suspicious.

01:29:05.000 So I walked in in my socks.

01:29:06.000 And they thought my friend was me and they started kicking him out.

01:29:09.000 And I just thought it happened.

01:29:10.000 I was like, fuck it.

01:29:11.000 My friend had to get kicked out.

01:29:12.000 And then I got kicked out again.

01:29:14.000 And then I snuck back in a third time.

01:29:16.000 No lie.

01:29:17.000 In my socks.

01:29:18.000 This is mission impossible.

01:29:19.000 I was on Adderall.

01:29:20.000 That's why I cannot drink on Adderall.

01:29:22.000 I snuck in...

01:29:23.000 Dude, I snuck in with the Aramark workers.

01:29:25.000 I just walked in with them, only in my socks.

01:29:28.000 And I climbed up under the bleachers, and I just emerged into some seating.

01:29:32.000 People were like, ah!

01:29:33.000 I was like, dude, I fucking...

01:29:35.000 It was the Beastie Boys.

01:29:35.000 He was like, oh, dude, I love this song.

01:29:37.000 From under the bleachers.

01:29:37.000 It was like intergalactic planetary, and it just came up.

01:29:40.000 Oh, my God, it's amazing.

01:29:42.000 I can't have it, dude.

01:29:43.000 Speaking of...

01:29:44.000 I can't have that shit.

01:29:45.000 Sneaking?

01:29:47.000 You're going to appreciate this, sneaking at a stadium.

01:29:49.000 I was...

01:29:50.000 Gone.

01:29:51.000 It was an all-day tailgate.

01:29:52.000 I was at South Carolina vs.

01:29:54.000 Tennessee.

01:29:55.000 SEC football.

01:29:56.000 It's a night game in South Carolina.

01:29:58.000 And I'm standing there, and there's just a tiny fence between me and the handicap section.

01:30:04.000 And I literally, I just stepped over it.

01:30:06.000 No one better than I, dude.

01:30:09.000 I was standing there just...

01:30:10.000 I was all in the field, dude.

01:30:14.000 I left my friends.

01:30:15.000 They were in the student section.

01:30:16.000 I was just shit-faced walking around.

01:30:18.000 I was like...

01:30:20.000 Stepped in, and dude, people were looking at me like, checks out.

01:30:25.000 Fully checks out.

01:30:27.000 Yeah, I'm used to that.

01:30:29.000 I mean, that's my face when I blacked out.

01:30:34.000 People were like, this guy, he's by himself.

01:30:37.000 Someone just brought you a blanket?

01:30:38.000 Thanks, man.

01:30:40.000 It happened at...

01:30:42.000 I was at a...

01:30:43.000 I'm just picturing you standing there!

01:30:47.000 Swaying?

01:30:48.000 I'm just picturing you shit-faced at some guy doing a handicap check.

01:30:54.000 I was at the Bills game.

01:30:56.000 Bills Steelers this year.

01:30:58.000 And Gabe Davis, he's a wide receiver.

01:31:00.000 He likes comedy and he likes podcasts and all this stuff.

01:31:03.000 So he invited me to the game.

01:31:04.000 I'm at the game.

01:31:06.000 I took Adderall there.

01:31:07.000 There you go.

01:31:08.000 There's another Adderall.

01:31:10.000 End of the game, he's come down here towards the field.

01:31:14.000 He took his jersey off, autographed it, and handed it to me up in the stands.

01:31:18.000 Dude, it's just me and children.

01:31:20.000 Me and little kids are the only dudes down there trying to get high fives from the players.

01:31:25.000 This guy hands me his jersey, and people are like, oh, that's a guy.

01:31:30.000 NFL Films was filming it.

01:31:32.000 It was a sweet moment for them to be giving me a jersey, and I was like...

01:31:37.000 That's wild.

01:31:38.000 Yeah!

01:31:38.000 You're just pushing kids out of the way?

01:31:40.000 I think they thought I was a special needs man.

01:31:41.000 Oh no!

01:31:42.000 It was just me and children.

01:31:43.000 It was me and children in the bleachers like, high five, can I get your gloves?

01:31:47.000 Good game.

01:31:49.000 And then a guy gave me his jersey and they were like, nice, congratulations.

01:31:53.000 That's what it's all about.

01:31:55.000 They're like, folks, look at Gabe Davis giving back to the community.

01:31:59.000 The worst thing that can ever happen to someone is a baseball game where a pitch gets hit, a ball gets hit, it goes foul, and some guy snatches it in front of a kid's face while the kid's trying to catch it.

01:32:12.000 Yeah, that's brutal.

01:32:13.000 And then celebrates, like reaches in front of the kid, and then everybody looks at him like...

01:32:20.000 You want to know how fucking weird I am?

01:32:22.000 I keep going to baseball games and I love them, but the whole time I'm like, dude, if there's a foul ball, I'm getting the fuck out of the way.

01:32:30.000 I'm so, like, dude, dropping a foul ball, you know how embarrassing that is?

01:32:34.000 Yeah, true.

01:32:35.000 It's scary.

01:32:36.000 You can easily drop a foul ball.

01:32:36.000 Foul balls are scary.

01:32:37.000 Catching one with one hand is crazy.

01:32:39.000 I've seen dudes catch line drives with one hand.

01:32:41.000 Everyone's like, yeah.

01:32:42.000 Hero.

01:32:43.000 Hero move.

01:32:45.000 I've also seen people try to save their friends.

01:32:48.000 I've seen people dive in front of the ball to save their friend when it's coming out of a friend's head.

01:32:53.000 A friend is like on their phone and shit.

01:32:56.000 Jesus.

01:32:56.000 Taking it from a kid is...

01:32:57.000 You'd get fucking cracked by a ball.

01:32:59.000 Dude, they used to let go of the...

01:33:01.000 There was no nets down the third and first baseline, dude.

01:33:03.000 Dudes would let go of the bat.

01:33:05.000 There's a fucking hilarious image of this dude in the crowd getting hit with a bat.

01:33:09.000 It's right here.

01:33:11.000 His jaw is off his face.

01:33:13.000 I saw another one like that where a dude caught a bat.

01:33:16.000 The bat went flying, the dude fucking snatches the bat out of the air.

01:33:19.000 That's exciting.

01:33:21.000 Because if you're in a baseball game, 90% of the time you're not paying attention.

01:33:25.000 I'm one of those freeze and kind of watch something bad happen.

01:33:28.000 What is this one?

01:33:29.000 This is the bat one?

01:33:29.000 There's a couple of bat ones.

01:33:30.000 Oh yeah, so this is the bat.

01:33:31.000 The bat flies and the dude snags it.

01:33:33.000 Oh, and it's sharp, dude.

01:33:35.000 It was split.

01:33:36.000 Fucking hero.

01:33:36.000 That guy's a hero.

01:33:37.000 Look at him.

01:33:37.000 Oh, my God.

01:33:38.000 That's the greatest moment of his life.

01:33:39.000 He caught that bat.

01:33:40.000 He's talking shit.

01:33:41.000 He's talking shit.

01:33:42.000 He goes flying, and look at homeboy.

01:33:46.000 Everybody's freaking out.

01:33:47.000 These guys are like, I got this shit.

01:33:49.000 Snatch!

01:33:50.000 One-handed it.

01:33:51.000 I mean that thing could have hit a vampire.

01:33:52.000 That's our leader.

01:33:53.000 That's our leader.

01:33:55.000 If we were a tribe, if it was a tribe, that audience, that's our leader.

01:33:59.000 That's the guy who caught the bat.

01:34:00.000 Look at that.

01:34:01.000 Animal.

01:34:01.000 Can you find that still image of that dude getting his fucking face smashed?

01:34:05.000 Do you know how good that guy must have felt though?

01:34:07.000 To hold that fucking bat up, standing up like this, and the whole audience is like, yeah!

01:34:11.000 That must have been incredible.

01:34:13.000 Especially when you didn't see it coming.

01:34:15.000 The closest thing we can get to adrenaline is a good set.

01:34:19.000 This guy was just watching.

01:34:21.000 This guy saved his kid.

01:34:22.000 Look at the lady.

01:34:24.000 Oh my god, that kid was...

01:34:27.000 Look at the mom bailing.

01:34:29.000 Damn, look how jacked that dad is.

01:34:31.000 That dad's an animal.

01:34:32.000 Look at the size of that dude.

01:34:36.000 That's what I'm afraid of.

01:34:37.000 I'm gonna be the guy going...

01:34:39.000 Yeah, but look at the guy to the right.

01:34:41.000 Imagine a classical oil painting.

01:34:43.000 That'd be a beautiful painting, dude.

01:34:44.000 Look at the guy all the way to the right.

01:34:46.000 That guy's still drinking his drink.

01:34:48.000 He's slurping.

01:34:50.000 He's in the middle of slurping.

01:34:51.000 Dude, one guy's not even reacting.

01:34:53.000 He's just sitting there like, whatever, dude.

01:34:55.000 Is that a drink or popcorn or both?

01:34:57.000 That's popcorn.

01:34:57.000 He's got some popcorn.

01:34:58.000 I think both, but it just looks like popcorn.

01:34:59.000 Now we're on to something.

01:35:01.000 Find that lady getting racked in the face with a basketball.

01:35:04.000 It's so good, dude.

01:35:06.000 Is that her?

01:35:07.000 Broken bat at Fenway Park?

01:35:10.000 Oh my god, life-threatening injuries.

01:35:12.000 Oh, there he is!

01:35:14.000 Look at the lady!

01:35:27.000 Bro, he got cracked.

01:35:29.000 How bad that guy get injured?

01:35:31.000 He's a little old to get hit in the head like that too.

01:35:33.000 That might have done him in.

01:35:36.000 Shattered jaw at the fucking...

01:35:37.000 Twins fucking Cubs game.

01:35:41.000 That's like Anderson Silva hitting him with a left hook.

01:35:44.000 Look at that!

01:35:45.000 Snatch!

01:35:46.000 That guy caught one.

01:35:47.000 Oh!

01:35:51.000 To the mug!

01:35:52.000 That's the Indians game, dude.

01:35:55.000 You're in fucking Cleveland.

01:35:57.000 Look at that guy laughing.

01:35:58.000 Look at the guy with the glasses.

01:35:59.000 He's like, bro, this is sick.

01:36:02.000 Look at that lady just looking with morbid curiosity.

01:36:05.000 Yeah, that lady's a psycho.

01:36:06.000 Look at her.

01:36:07.000 She's staring down that bat.

01:36:09.000 This shows your deepest layer.

01:36:13.000 Solid photos to snag, too.

01:36:15.000 The photographer getting all that caught still without all the movement.

01:36:19.000 Every single one of those photographers went, dude, I got that.

01:36:23.000 They have to be on point for that, right?

01:36:25.000 You've got to be ready.

01:36:26.000 That does happen.

01:36:29.000 Jesus Christ.

01:36:30.000 Dude, I mean...

01:36:31.000 That guy's a fucking...

01:36:32.000 That is amazing.

01:36:32.000 Look at the size of the John Cena arms on that motherfucker.

01:36:35.000 That guy's a tank.

01:36:37.000 This guy blew it.

01:36:37.000 Imagine if he was doing like...

01:36:38.000 Yeah, really.

01:36:39.000 You got that, bro?

01:36:40.000 Well, that looks like it's his kid.

01:36:41.000 Oh, yeah.

01:36:42.000 Here's right before it.

01:36:42.000 It's definitely his boy.

01:36:43.000 Kid doesn't even see it.

01:36:44.000 Look at the kid's face.

01:36:46.000 He's playing fruit.

01:36:47.000 That guy's using the force.

01:36:48.000 That might not be his kid.

01:36:50.000 No.

01:36:50.000 Yeah, there's a...

01:36:51.000 Oh, no, I think they're sitting next to him.

01:36:52.000 There's two kids.

01:36:53.000 Look at the little girl.

01:36:54.000 The little girl next to him is smart as fuck.

01:36:55.000 Look at her.

01:36:56.000 I thought it was his mom.

01:36:56.000 She's like, DOWN! Oh, maybe.

01:36:59.000 It might be the mom.

01:37:00.000 Whoever it is, they just ducked.

01:37:02.000 I doubt it's the mom.

01:37:04.000 True, yeah.

01:37:05.000 Oh, that's the row in front of them.

01:37:07.000 That's what that is.

01:37:08.000 The dude is next to him.

01:37:10.000 The black dude up there, like, oh.

01:37:12.000 I think moms have a thing innately where they can't, like, they genuinely can't get out of the way.

01:37:16.000 Like, they'll just stick their head in the way.

01:37:18.000 You ever drive with your mom in the car?

01:37:19.000 Yeah, dude.

01:37:20.000 Yeah, they put their hand over it.

01:37:22.000 Every single time.

01:37:23.000 It's pretty sweet, actually.

01:37:24.000 It's very nice.

01:37:24.000 My wife does that to me sometimes.

01:37:26.000 It's very sweet.

01:37:26.000 I'm like, it's hilarious.

01:37:27.000 Are you serious?

01:37:28.000 I've never done that one.

01:37:29.000 That little bitch-ass movie.

01:37:30.000 How much strength do you think you have that way?

01:37:32.000 Almost none.

01:37:33.000 Like, how much resistance do you have that way?

01:37:35.000 How good's your backstroke?

01:37:37.000 Did you ever test it?

01:37:37.000 Did you ever, like, buck her arm?

01:37:39.000 Like, dude, don't do that.

01:37:40.000 You're gonna hurt yourself.

01:37:41.000 She's only done it a couple times.

01:37:42.000 She does it with the kids.

01:37:43.000 It's just a natural thing to do with the kids when they're hitting the brakes.

01:37:46.000 But it's just like you have zero power that way.

01:37:49.000 Yeah, focus on the fucking road, dude.

01:37:50.000 Hold the steering wheel.

01:37:52.000 How much can you stop going in that direction with your arm outstretched like that and you weigh 130 pounds?

01:37:59.000 I mean, this is going to be a very dark statement, but I don't know.

01:38:02.000 What?

01:38:04.000 That means every single time a mom's in a car accident with her kid.

01:38:07.000 Yeah.

01:38:07.000 A severe one.

01:38:08.000 She did go like this.

01:38:09.000 Yeah.

01:38:10.000 And the last thing she felt was, he's going out.

01:38:13.000 He's out the windshield.

01:38:13.000 Oh, when I was a kid, we didn't wear seatbelts.

01:38:15.000 Nobody wore seatbelts.

01:38:16.000 No one did.

01:38:16.000 We used to all pretend.

01:38:17.000 We would laugh.

01:38:18.000 My parents would be like, you guys clicked in and we'd all go click with our, like, make the noise with our mouths.

01:38:22.000 They'd be like, ha ha, and they'd laugh.

01:38:23.000 My dad and my uncle would, they cut their, when they started beeping, they just cut their seatbelts off and plugged them in.

01:38:28.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:38:29.000 Seatbelts, we're gay.

01:38:30.000 Pfft.

01:38:31.000 Dude.

01:38:32.000 Now they're not.

01:38:32.000 I still...

01:38:33.000 I don't know what happened.

01:38:34.000 Whoever did seatbelts had fucking PR. It used to be if you wore a seatbelt, you were a pussy.

01:38:37.000 Kind of a pussy.

01:38:38.000 Yeah, like if you were a cool guy in a muscle car movie, you didn't have a seatbelt.

01:38:41.000 When did that change?

01:38:42.000 What happened?

01:38:43.000 Even today, y'all know this.

01:38:45.000 Paul Walker.

01:38:46.000 Dudes would be driving in cars and they're not wearing seatbelts.

01:38:50.000 Fast and the Furious might have been seatbelt propaganda.

01:38:52.000 Yeah.

01:38:53.000 Might have been the CCP. It could have been the CCP. They manufacture all the seatbelts.

01:38:57.000 They probably do.

01:38:59.000 Bro.

01:39:00.000 You come up with this?

01:39:01.000 Bro, this is deep.

01:39:03.000 Paul Walker.

01:39:05.000 Seatbelt, China.

01:39:08.000 Jamie, will you find that old woman getting hit in the face with a basketball?

01:39:11.000 No, we're done.

01:39:12.000 No, I want to see this lady get hit in the face.

01:39:14.000 It's a very funny video, and then we can find a new topic.

01:39:16.000 There's nothing like rodeo guys getting stomped.

01:39:19.000 Well, that's actually like...

01:39:21.000 Death.

01:39:22.000 Brutal.

01:39:22.000 Yeah.

01:39:23.000 Yeah.

01:39:24.000 Or running the bulls.

01:39:24.000 You want to watch someone get hit by something?

01:39:26.000 Oh, running with the bulls is rough.

01:39:27.000 See, it's funny, right?

01:39:28.000 Running with the bulls is rough.

01:39:28.000 Running with the bulls, though, that's...

01:39:30.000 Rodeo guys, you're at least like, this is a sport, all this.

01:39:34.000 It's a sport where there's only one person who knows they're participating.

01:39:36.000 Running with the bulls has it coming.

01:39:38.000 How does she get hit?

01:39:39.000 Yeah.

01:39:39.000 So it'll happen once and then I get zoomed in just so you can see it.

01:39:42.000 That's in real time.

01:39:44.000 Right in the mug.

01:39:47.000 She wasn't looking.

01:39:49.000 She wasn't looking at all.

01:39:52.000 Looking at Facebook.

01:39:53.000 It was like a chain email.

01:39:55.000 Oh boy.

01:39:58.000 Dude, look, look, look, look.

01:39:59.000 Oh, fuck.

01:40:01.000 Fuck, dude.

01:40:02.000 Everybody's just like, oh, shit.

01:40:03.000 Oh, my God.

01:40:04.000 Oh, my God.

01:40:05.000 Look at him, look at him.

01:40:06.000 Look at him.

01:40:07.000 Dude, on the beak.

01:40:08.000 Fuck, fuck, fuck.

01:40:08.000 On the beak.

01:40:09.000 Oh, dude.

01:40:10.000 On the beak.

01:40:11.000 He was trying to block it.

01:40:13.000 Boom.

01:40:14.000 She didn't even know it happened.

01:40:15.000 Oh, my God.

01:40:17.000 Took a shot well, though.

01:40:19.000 Oh.

01:40:20.000 That makes me happy.

01:40:22.000 She's alright.

01:40:23.000 A basketball, you're on.

01:40:24.000 Are you sure?

01:40:25.000 That's Marsha Brady at the worst.

01:40:26.000 Basketball, yeah.

01:40:27.000 She could have whiplash.

01:40:29.000 She could have whiplash easy.

01:40:31.000 Let's see what happened.

01:40:31.000 Does she stay in the game?

01:40:33.000 She's supposed to stand up with her arms over here like...

01:40:35.000 Look at her.

01:40:36.000 Look at her.

01:40:36.000 She's smiling.

01:40:37.000 She's already laughing.

01:40:37.000 She took it well.

01:40:39.000 She took it well.

01:40:39.000 She loves the Charlotte.

01:40:40.000 She loves the Charlotte Hornets.

01:40:42.000 One more time, Jamie.

01:40:43.000 Really?

01:40:44.000 And by the way, Hornets ball.

01:40:46.000 Hornets ball.

01:40:46.000 Hornets get the ball back, dude.

01:40:48.000 Fuck the Kings.

01:40:49.000 Sacramento vs.

01:40:50.000 Charlotte.

01:40:51.000 You get popped in the face.

01:40:54.000 Trying to watch the Kings, Hornets.

01:40:57.000 And six seats, too.

01:40:58.000 Six seats.

01:41:00.000 What year was that?

01:41:01.000 She was looking at her Facebook.

01:41:03.000 That was recent.

01:41:05.000 Cousins was with the Kings.

01:41:08.000 Running of the Bulls, though.

01:41:09.000 Those are fun dudes.

01:41:10.000 Have you seen an old person that's paying attention to their phone and they get hit by something?

01:41:13.000 They're always on Facebook.

01:41:14.000 No.

01:41:15.000 Oh, you're saying if?

01:41:16.000 I thought you said have it.

01:41:17.000 For sure.

01:41:18.000 It's Facebook.

01:41:18.000 That's the platform.

01:41:19.000 That's all old people.

01:41:20.000 Geezers love Facebook.

01:41:21.000 They love it.

01:41:22.000 Why is that?

01:41:24.000 Fucking rules.

01:41:25.000 I know, but why- If you're a geezer, dude?

01:41:27.000 But why is it for- Is it political arguments?

01:41:29.000 Like, what are they getting into?

01:41:30.000 Political arguments, you're like, what happened to everybody I knew ever?

01:41:33.000 Oh, yeah.

01:41:33.000 And then all of a sudden it's like, holy shit, this is what they're up to?

01:41:36.000 Nice.

01:41:37.000 Your kids look great.

01:41:38.000 Do you ever catch an ex talking to your Facebook?

01:41:40.000 I don't have Facebook.

01:41:41.000 I got rid of it.

01:41:42.000 You don't have one?

01:41:42.000 Yeah, I got rid of it.

01:41:43.000 Good for you.

01:41:44.000 I had one, I deleted it, and then I got a new one because I wanted to see a group, but I never go on anymore.

01:41:49.000 It's important for open micers because that's the only way you can fight all the other comics in the local scenes Facebook page.

01:41:56.000 Everybody just fights in there.

01:41:57.000 Really?

01:41:58.000 Well, dude, when you go off of Facebook for years and go back on, it's kind of eerie because then you see people writing the same kind of stuff like two years later and you go, whoa.

01:42:06.000 That's kind of fucked up.

01:42:07.000 Yeah.

01:42:07.000 It's kind of like a big time suck.

01:42:09.000 It's definitely a time suck.

01:42:11.000 They're so addictive.

01:42:12.000 All these social media apps are so addictive.

01:42:14.000 Watching people get fat on it's nice.

01:42:16.000 Yeah.

01:42:17.000 You get to go back in their pictures and watch the trend.

01:42:19.000 You go, oh man.

01:42:21.000 You go back to 2014, like, let's go to the president.

01:42:23.000 You go, ooh, boy.

01:42:24.000 Ooh, you got sad.

01:42:26.000 You were sad for a few years, and I can see it.

01:42:29.000 Well, during COVID, how many people just developed heavy drinking problems?

01:42:32.000 Yeah, that must have been kind of fun to watch during COVID. People's unhinged Facebook.

01:42:37.000 Idiots.

01:42:38.000 Yeah, I had friends that just were drinking wine every night.

01:42:41.000 Every night.

01:42:41.000 And they were like, I think we got a problem.

01:42:43.000 Yeah.

01:42:45.000 Wine every night's...

01:42:46.000 Yeah.

01:42:47.000 They were polishing off two bottles a night.

01:42:48.000 Just hanging out.

01:42:49.000 No, I know.

01:42:49.000 That's what I mean.

01:42:50.000 Just crushing...

01:42:51.000 By yourself.

01:42:52.000 Trapped in your house.

01:42:53.000 That was so fucked up we got trapped in our houses.

01:42:55.000 Yeah.

01:42:55.000 That was crazy.

01:42:56.000 Dude, I miss it.

01:42:57.000 I loved it so much.

01:42:58.000 Really?

01:42:59.000 Did you?

01:42:59.000 Dude, I was at my parents' house.

01:43:01.000 That kind of rules.

01:43:02.000 Dude, I got...

01:43:02.000 Again, I got NCAA 14. I was playing Xbox in my parents' basement.

01:43:06.000 Shit rules.

01:43:08.000 You didn't feel like a loser at all?

01:43:10.000 How could you?

01:43:10.000 No one's doing anything.

01:43:12.000 Yeah, no fair.

01:43:12.000 That's the best part.

01:43:13.000 That's the best part.

01:43:14.000 No one's doing anything.

01:43:15.000 You can be a loser.

01:43:15.000 You're allowed to fuck off.

01:43:16.000 Yes.

01:43:17.000 Yeah, everyone was fucking off.

01:43:18.000 It's like the world got a vacation.

01:43:19.000 Yeah.

01:43:20.000 Turns out the economy doesn't work that way.

01:43:21.000 Turns out it is going to backfire quite a bit.

01:43:23.000 It's real bad.

01:43:23.000 I'll be all right.

01:43:24.000 Yeah, you'll be fine.

01:43:25.000 I'll be fine.

01:43:26.000 You'll be fine.

01:43:27.000 But outside of missing the days in the basement, dude, this was two years ago.

01:43:32.000 I was in my parents' basement.

01:43:34.000 My mom would be like, dinner.

01:43:35.000 Isn't it crazy that two years ago that happened?

01:43:37.000 I would run up the steps, eat dinner.

01:43:38.000 Two years ago, we were all scared.

01:43:39.000 Locked in.

01:43:40.000 Yeah.

01:43:41.000 Yeah, dude, I just had my first kid and I had to make the call and just be like, nah, fuck this stuff, dude.

01:43:47.000 And my wife's like, if you fucking get this wrong, I'm like, nah, dude, don't worry.

01:43:50.000 What do you mean?

01:43:51.000 Just being like, I checked out the death rates and I'm like, bro, the odds are pretty good it'll be fine.

01:43:56.000 Yeah.

01:43:56.000 And she was like, well, and as soon as I looked up the age, I was like, oh, dude, don't worry about this.

01:44:01.000 But I was like, dude, she was like, you can't go out.

01:44:03.000 She was in primal fear mode, and I had to be like, trust me, dude.

01:44:07.000 I can go out and go cop these mushroom chocolates.

01:44:09.000 It's very lucky that it's not scary at all for kids.

01:44:12.000 Yeah, no, it's...

01:44:13.000 Very lucky.

01:44:14.000 It's fucking...

01:44:15.000 It's ideal.

01:44:16.000 Yeah.

01:44:16.000 Well, the flu is worse for a lot of kids.

01:44:18.000 This is my thing.

01:44:20.000 You guys talk.

01:44:21.000 This is my thing.

01:44:23.000 Here's my thing, dude.

01:44:24.000 Once they figured out it fucked the older people up big time, if I'm 80 years old, I'd like to think I would be like, yeah, I'll take it, but I wouldn't tell my grandkids if they didn't know what it was.

01:44:39.000 Well, they thought in the beginning that it was going to stop transmission, stop people from getting infected, and that it was safe and effective.

01:44:45.000 So it made sense that everybody's like, you got it yet.

01:44:47.000 You got it.

01:44:48.000 Is that what it was?

01:44:48.000 Yeah.

01:44:49.000 It made sense.

01:44:50.000 The hysteria makes sense.

01:44:53.000 People weren't given the best information.

01:44:55.000 Do you ever see the CEO of Pfizer talk about it now?

01:44:57.000 It's crazy the way he describes it.

01:45:00.000 He goes, one to two shots.

01:45:03.000 See if you can find this, Jamie.

01:45:05.000 He goes, one to two shots gives you very little protection, if any at all.

01:45:14.000 And the third shot gives you reasonable protection from hospitalization and death.

01:45:19.000 That's what he's saying now.

01:45:21.000 That's what he said in some sort of a speech.

01:45:23.000 I don't know when this was, but to hear him say it that way, I was like, I have never heard you say it this way before.

01:45:29.000 I've never heard anybody say it this way before.

01:45:32.000 Yeah, again, it's already like, yeah, make heads or tails of it, but I don't know.

01:45:35.000 When it came out, I was like, wait, I'm also scared of needles.

01:45:38.000 When it came out, I was like, nah, I'll wait.

01:45:40.000 Is that it right here?

01:45:42.000 Two doses are not enough for Omicron.

01:45:44.000 The third dose, quite good protection against deaths and decent protection against hospitalizations.

01:45:50.000 What the fuck does decent mean, though?

01:45:51.000 Yeah, that's such a crazy...

01:45:53.000 It's weird to hear him say it, though.

01:45:55.000 Yeah, it'd be like, ah, you'll be kind of stoked on it.

01:45:57.000 It's like, thanks, dude.

01:45:59.000 But this is...

01:46:00.000 I mean, again, I don't know.

01:46:01.000 It's hard to know what's true, but isn't it like a lot of the stuff...

01:46:04.000 Aren't, like...

01:46:05.000 Are independent people allowed to replicate the studies Pfizer does, or are they not allowed to?

01:46:10.000 Well, they don't give you the actual raw data.

01:46:13.000 They give you – like when they do peer-reviewed studies on – peer-reviewed reviews of data that the vaccine companies provide them, they don't get access to the raw data.

01:46:26.000 They get access to the data that the scientific people that work for the pharmaceutical companies release.

01:46:32.000 Yeah.

01:46:33.000 They don't get all the studies.

01:46:34.000 They don't get...

01:46:35.000 The vaccine companies are allowed, or pharmaceutical companies rather, with any sort of thing they do, they're allowed to...

01:46:42.000 Is this it here?

01:46:43.000 I think so.

01:46:43.000 Okay, play it here.

01:46:45.000 The version that will be effective against Omicron as well is not that it will not be effective against the other variants, but against Omicron as well.

01:46:53.000 And the hope is that we will achieve something that will have way, way better...

01:47:00.000 Protection, particularly against infections, because the protection against the hospitalizations and severe diseases, it is reasonable right now with the current vaccines, as long as you are having, let's say, the third dose.

01:47:14.000 This vaccine will be ready in months.

01:47:17.000 Yeah, that's not it.

01:47:18.000 I can't understand what you're saying.

01:47:19.000 I'm trying to find...

01:47:19.000 I know he's...

01:47:20.000 I know he's...

01:47:23.000 But now they're finding out that the new one, this bivalent vaccine, the new data shows that it's no more effective than the other vaccine.

01:47:32.000 Well, did you ever get into the antidepressant stuff, how that, like the serotonin hypothesis, that you're allowed to do as many studies as you want, and if you get the one that kind of like is statistically significant, then you can be like, alright, that's our one, run it.

01:47:44.000 And it's like, you could have like 800 dogs and have one good one and be like, we got the numbers, go ahead.

01:47:48.000 Exactly.

01:47:49.000 It's fucked up, and it's never been, as far as I know, the whole hypothesis hasn't been, like, proven to, like, uh, even if you use, like, clinical significance, like, does it actually work in theory?

01:48:00.000 Like, because when they, like, when they're doing, like, p-values and shit, you can fuck around with math.

01:48:03.000 And just get, like, oh, it's.05, and it's like, oh, cool.

01:48:06.000 Yeah, no, they...

01:48:07.000 I fucking hate p-values.

01:48:09.000 Dude, it doesn't make any sense.

01:48:10.000 They bailed on the concept that it's a chemical imbalance.

01:48:15.000 They said there's no evidence that it's a chemical imbalance.

01:48:17.000 Are we talking depression?

01:48:18.000 Yeah, man.

01:48:19.000 Well, that was the thing that they'd always said about the reason why SSRIs work.

01:48:24.000 Because it combats a chemical imbalance.

01:48:27.000 But now, find that.

01:48:28.000 Find the paper that shows that there's no real evidence that there's a chemical imbalance.

01:48:34.000 Did they ever figure out...

01:48:35.000 When did they start putting kids on this stuff?

01:48:38.000 Oh, man.

01:48:39.000 When did Kambon happen?

01:48:41.000 They've looked at that stuff before.

01:48:43.000 Because that seems kind of...

01:48:43.000 Well, there was Chantix.

01:48:45.000 Chantix was the anti-smoking, I think, one.

01:48:47.000 And that, like, there was a lawsuit for that.

01:48:49.000 That was, like, really fucking good luck.

01:48:50.000 What if school shootings really skyrocketed?

01:48:51.000 Dude, all I'm saying is they...

01:48:54.000 I don't know.

01:48:54.000 I don't want to say lie about the SSRI thing, but it was like, dude, they didn't give the full picture on those.

01:48:59.000 Then there was OxyContin.

01:49:00.000 Depression is not caused by chemical imbalance in the brain.

01:49:03.000 We don't know how antidepressants work.

01:49:06.000 There is no convincing evidence that depression is caused by serotonin abnormalities.

01:49:10.000 Many people take antidepressants believing their depression as a biochemical cause.

01:49:15.000 Research does not support this belief.

01:49:18.000 The notion that antidepressants work by elevating serotonin levels is not supported by the evidence.

01:49:24.000 Whoa.

01:49:24.000 Dude, the side effects of these things are fucked up.

01:49:30.000 They're very bad.

01:49:31.000 This is what's crazy.

01:49:33.000 Look at this.

01:49:35.000 Major depression is one of the most common psychological disorders affecting more than 23 million adults and adolescents each year.

01:49:43.000 It carries economic costs in the hundreds of billions and is a major risk factor for suicide.

01:49:48.000 The causes of depression have not been debated, yet a common explanation holds the culprit is chemical imbalance in the brain.

01:49:55.000 This notion emerged not coincidentally in the late 80s with the introduction of Prozac.

01:50:01.000 Jesus Christ.

01:50:02.000 A drug that appeared to help in treating depression by increasing the levels of the brain transmitter serotonin.

01:50:09.000 So it makes you feel better.

01:50:11.000 And so they said, oh, you must have a chemical imbalance.

01:50:14.000 They just juice people up.

01:50:15.000 Juice them up with serotonin.

01:50:16.000 Like, yay!

01:50:17.000 And that makes you feel better.

01:50:19.000 Yeah, it's...

01:50:20.000 I'm alright with it.

01:50:21.000 It's fucked.

01:50:22.000 With what?

01:50:22.000 Just fuck it, dude.

01:50:24.000 In a cubicle?

01:50:25.000 Jack it up, dude.

01:50:27.000 Take that shit.

01:50:28.000 Take fucking heroin.

01:50:29.000 How many people do you know that are on Prozac?

01:50:31.000 It looks like a good time.

01:50:32.000 Almost everyone.

01:50:34.000 Everyone you know is on Prozac?

01:50:35.000 A lot of people are on...

01:50:37.000 I think a third of women are on Prozac?

01:50:40.000 Something like an antidepressant, I think.

01:50:42.000 I think it's a third of women.

01:50:43.000 I bet you feel great.

01:50:45.000 Yeah, anti-anxiety.

01:50:47.000 It dulls you.

01:50:47.000 I think at first it's nice, and then it dulls you.

01:50:50.000 From what I've heard, you just stop feeling stuff about anything.

01:50:52.000 And then you need to keep upping the dose and upping the dose, and it increases your weight gain.

01:50:56.000 Because then you've got to keep making all the serotonin.

01:50:58.000 I think serotonin is made from carbohydrates.

01:51:01.000 You need carbs to make it so people gain weight because they start fucking gorging themselves on snacks.

01:51:06.000 Oh, really?

01:51:07.000 And then you get all the sexual dysfunction, ED. What about 5-HTP? There's serotonin precursors that you could take.

01:51:14.000 Maybe, but here's my thing.

01:51:15.000 If they cause erectile dysfunction, how are you going to be happy without a boner?

01:51:19.000 With SSRIs?

01:51:20.000 Yes, big time ones.

01:51:21.000 How are you going to be happy without a boner, Pfizer?

01:51:23.000 For real, every time I've done coke, I've been pretty happy, and a boner was nowhere in its sight.

01:51:27.000 Imagine them and Adderall.

01:51:29.000 SSRIs and Adderall together.

01:51:31.000 You literally don't have a penis.

01:51:32.000 It'd be an innie.

01:51:33.000 You forget you took Adderall, because you're hammered.

01:51:36.000 You go to the bathroom...

01:51:38.000 And chances are I'm at a football game or a stadium, so there's guys next to me.

01:51:42.000 You know what I mean?

01:51:43.000 You go up to the urinal, you go...

01:51:45.000 Oh, yeah.

01:51:46.000 You just can't get out.

01:51:48.000 News of this cannot spread.

01:51:50.000 You're pissing all over your underwear.

01:51:51.000 It's unbelievable, dude.

01:51:52.000 Yo, your dick is fucking this big, dude.

01:51:55.000 You gotta break the plane at that point.

01:51:56.000 At that point, you're going all the way in.

01:51:57.000 Your dick breaks the plane.

01:51:58.000 Peyton's going up.

01:52:00.000 You're pissing up.

01:52:01.000 That's how small your dick is, dude.

01:52:03.000 Prozac and Adderall could result in serotonin syndrome, a potentially serious condition.

01:52:07.000 Unless closely monitored by a doctor, you should not take Adderall and Prozac together.

01:52:12.000 Yeah.

01:52:12.000 You probably shouldn't take any of this shit.

01:52:15.000 Let's try to have a good time.

01:52:16.000 I'm pretty sure anxiety and depression are baked into the human experience.

01:52:19.000 I don't think you can get away from it.

01:52:20.000 Yeah, you sound like a good Catholic.

01:52:21.000 That's what I'm saying, man.

01:52:22.000 That's what being Catholic is all about.

01:52:24.000 I used to have wicked panic attacks when I was 23, and I was also a gigantic piece of shit.

01:52:29.000 And it was the thing that, like, made me start thinking about my life.

01:52:32.000 I was, like, shocking in my...

01:52:33.000 I was just like, and if I had just gotten medication, I just would have kept being a giant piece of shit.

01:52:39.000 So I'm always like, sometimes you gotta go through, you know what I mean?

01:52:42.000 You gotta slow through that stuff.

01:52:44.000 I was a fucking...

01:52:46.000 How'd you pull out of it?

01:52:47.000 I just fucking had to come to grips with the fact that I was going to die eventually.

01:52:51.000 When you say a piece of shit, you were just...

01:52:53.000 Dude, I was just a monster, bro.

01:52:55.000 What were you taking?

01:52:56.000 Nah, it wasn't even...

01:52:57.000 I was just...

01:52:57.000 What were you doing?

01:52:58.000 Just, like, selling drugs.

01:52:59.000 Selling drugs?

01:53:00.000 Oh, you were selling drugs.

01:53:00.000 Yeah, I was a bad kid.

01:53:02.000 I had no excuse.

01:53:03.000 I had, like, you know, I wasn't like I was, like, my back to the wall.

01:53:05.000 I was just, like, I just, like, got a couple jobs and, like, I don't like this.

01:53:08.000 I was like, I should sell drugs.

01:53:09.000 What kind of drugs are you selling?

01:53:11.000 Pretty much everything.

01:53:12.000 Really?

01:53:13.000 Weed was the mainstay.

01:53:15.000 But then I got coerced into pills.

01:53:17.000 I didn't even know what pills did, so my friends would talk me into going and finding pills for them.

01:53:21.000 It turned into a whole thing, dude.

01:53:22.000 It was bad news.

01:53:23.000 How'd you get out of it?

01:53:24.000 Just stopped, eventually.

01:53:26.000 Wow.

01:53:27.000 Patreon podcast took off.

01:53:30.000 Now we're good.

01:53:32.000 Thank you, Patreon.

01:53:33.000 No, it was, I had, like, I didn't know what pills did, and I remember watching a whole, not even a whole, but, like, it was an apartment complex, and there was these two buildings full of, like, all these kids that were living there.

01:53:43.000 It was a long story, but, like, I somehow got my hands on, like, Watson Pharmaceutical, like, jugs of fucking, it was, they were Vicodins.

01:53:50.000 Yeah.

01:53:51.000 I love that I somehow got my hands on jugs of Vicodin.

01:53:57.000 That's never happened to me.

01:53:58.000 Weird.

01:53:59.000 I've never stumbled upon any jugs of Vicodin.

01:54:01.000 I've never opened up a cabinet and, look at these jugs.

01:54:03.000 I don't think I've ever seen a Vicodin.

01:54:04.000 What's a jug of Vicodin?

01:54:06.000 How many are we talking?

01:54:06.000 Dude, you know when you're at the pharmacy and you look behind the counter and it's those big boys?

01:54:10.000 Oh, like a whey protein bottle?

01:54:12.000 Yes.

01:54:13.000 Like one of them big scoop protein things?

01:54:15.000 How much was that worth?

01:54:17.000 Millions.

01:54:17.000 At the time, it was...

01:54:18.000 You're going to jail.

01:54:19.000 You're talking about this on the podcast.

01:54:21.000 You're fucked.

01:54:22.000 No, Statue of Limitations.

01:54:23.000 What is the Statue of Limitations?

01:54:24.000 I don't know.

01:54:26.000 Statue of Limitations.

01:54:28.000 Statue of Limitations, dude.

01:54:31.000 I'm in the clear.

01:54:32.000 Shades got the shades on.

01:54:33.000 It's time.

01:54:34.000 It's over.

01:54:34.000 Okay, here we go.

01:54:36.000 Mushrooms kicked in.

01:54:36.000 That's basically the thing.

01:54:37.000 I was just a fucking nightmare.

01:54:39.000 Turn on the jets.

01:54:42.000 That was the thing.

01:54:44.000 Statute of limitations.

01:54:46.000 This was before the statute.

01:54:48.000 The French gave us this.

01:54:49.000 I was laying in bed just going, what the fuck am I doing in my fucking life?

01:54:53.000 Having panic attacks.

01:54:54.000 And it forced me to be like, yeah, it's probably a pretty bad idea.

01:54:57.000 So how'd you phase out of it?

01:54:59.000 I just stopped.

01:55:00.000 It made me develop like a sense of like, yeah, this is fucking other people up and I like saw people getting fucked up and I'm like, I'm gonna stop doing this.

01:55:06.000 And you kept getting robbed at gunpoint.

01:55:07.000 And I kept getting robbed at gunpoint.

01:55:08.000 How many times did you get robbed at gunpoint?

01:55:09.000 Twice.

01:55:10.000 Whoa.

01:55:11.000 Yeah, twice.

01:55:11.000 Twice.

01:55:11.000 After the first time, you're like, this is never gonna happen again.

01:55:13.000 After the first time, I went back.

01:55:15.000 The plug robbed me at gunpoint and he was like, I won't do it again.

01:55:17.000 I was like, okay.

01:55:18.000 You said, yes, daddy.

01:55:19.000 The plug?

01:55:21.000 What's the plug?

01:55:22.000 The dude who's your supplier.

01:55:24.000 Oh, your supplier robbed you at gunpoint.

01:55:26.000 Well, yeah, it was kind of a mess.

01:55:28.000 I would give him money and he would go get them.

01:55:30.000 And then one time he came back without them and I was like, dude, just have them.

01:55:33.000 I was so scared of these guys.

01:55:35.000 And I was like, you can just keep it all.

01:55:36.000 I don't care.

01:55:37.000 And he was like, how do I know you didn't set me up?

01:55:39.000 And he pulled a gun out on me.

01:55:40.000 And I was like, ugh.

01:55:41.000 And my roommate walked down and went, ah!

01:55:44.000 And they both just ran out.

01:55:45.000 But, yeah.

01:55:47.000 And so then you tried to buy from him again?

01:55:49.000 No, I told him.

01:55:50.000 He, like, time passed, and he's like, dude, I'm so sorry.

01:55:52.000 I found out who actually robbed me.

01:55:53.000 He's like, if you could come back, I'll take care of you, blah, blah, blah.

01:55:56.000 You know, I'll, like, make it worth your while, and I'll just, you'll never have to put any money up ever again.

01:56:00.000 And then what happened?

01:56:01.000 I just went back, started, you know.

01:56:02.000 And then he happened to just pull his gun off.

01:56:04.000 Then, apparently, he got in trouble for, I think he tried to shoot at somebody.

01:56:08.000 So I went back to pay him back one time, and then some guy was like, nah, he's in jail.

01:56:12.000 He tried to shoot someone.

01:56:13.000 But he tried to, you said he pulled the gun on you twice.

01:56:15.000 Once.

01:56:16.000 A different guy pulled a gun on me.

01:56:19.000 You said he would never do it again.

01:56:21.000 He didn't.

01:56:22.000 He was true to his word.

01:56:23.000 So that guy would never do it again.

01:56:24.000 Or the other guy did it.

01:56:25.000 Some other guy.

01:56:26.000 I was in a house and a guy came in with a gun.

01:56:28.000 That stunk.

01:56:29.000 What was this about?

01:56:31.000 Weed.

01:56:32.000 Pounds.

01:56:33.000 They just said, give me your weed?

01:56:34.000 Yeah, it was kind of like one of those things where a guy comes in and he goes, oh my god, some guy happened to be behind me with a gun.

01:56:41.000 Everyone get down.

01:56:41.000 And I was sitting there like, this is bullshit.

01:56:43.000 So then he just took the money, took the weed, and then he was like...

01:56:48.000 Just like, who the fuck, you know, blah, blah, blah.

01:56:49.000 He started telling me, like, I was on his territory.

01:56:52.000 And I was like, dude, come on, man.

01:56:53.000 And I just sat there, and he just talked for, like, two minutes.

01:56:56.000 And he was like, if you guys try to look out the window, there's people outside.

01:56:58.000 They're going to shoot you.

01:56:59.000 He took all of your cell phones.

01:57:00.000 I did have a thousand bucks behind my back, though.

01:57:02.000 I didn't tell him about, so I got to keep that.

01:57:04.000 That's pretty sweet.

01:57:05.000 That was pretty tough.

01:57:06.000 A lot of people would have lost their composure.

01:57:07.000 Thankfully, that other guy pulled his gun on you before.

01:57:09.000 Dude, you know what happens, though, is you lose...

01:57:12.000 Everything slows down and you're able to like I was in that the first time I just shit my pants the second time I was like Looking at the kid who I never met before who I knew kind of set this up because I watched one kid I knew like being a real state of fear And I watched this other guy pretending to be scared all while this guy in a ski mask was like with a gun and it was just like fuck I really hope like the part of my brain like I might get shot just went offline and I was able to watch and be like I'm gonna fucking kill this little motherfucker when this guy you know blah blah blah but And so how long after that did

01:57:42.000 you stop?

01:57:44.000 A couple years.

01:57:47.000 I was chasing the bag, dude.

01:57:48.000 For real.

01:57:49.000 I got robbed.

01:57:49.000 I didn't make any money.

01:57:50.000 I got robbed constantly.

01:57:51.000 I was too trusting.

01:57:53.000 I got robbed by club one time.

01:57:55.000 Club point.

01:57:56.000 It sucked.

01:57:57.000 Club?

01:57:58.000 Irishman with a shillelagh.

01:58:00.000 He's like, oh, you better give me the weed.

01:58:03.000 It's like, wait if you got...

01:58:07.000 Not again.

01:58:09.000 Fuck.

01:58:09.000 Damn.

01:58:10.000 He's a non-violent drug dealer.

01:58:13.000 So how did you start making money when you quit?

01:58:16.000 I always worked in construction and stuff, too.

01:58:18.000 I'd always have a side gig, so I never depended on one too much.

01:58:21.000 So I could always say, like, fuck you to my job if I didn't like it.

01:58:23.000 And if things got weird, I could be like, I'm not going to do that.

01:58:26.000 I would chill.

01:58:27.000 So I had a kind of hybrid approach.

01:58:30.000 And how did you get into podcasting?

01:58:32.000 I was just a comedian.

01:58:33.000 Me and Shane were just living together.

01:58:34.000 I'm like, dude, can we please do a podcast?

01:58:35.000 I'm fucking dying here, dude.

01:58:37.000 I was playing video games.

01:58:38.000 I was like, yeah, fuck it.

01:58:39.000 Yeah, I was just...

01:58:40.000 What is it called again, in case we forget?

01:58:42.000 Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.

01:58:44.000 There you go.

01:58:45.000 But yeah, man, that was not the way.

01:58:48.000 That was not the way.

01:58:49.000 No, it doesn't sound like the way.

01:58:51.000 Sounds like you got some good stories out of it, though, and you lived.

01:58:53.000 Pretty good, yeah.

01:58:54.000 Pretty good.

01:58:55.000 But I was living according to a fucked up system, and it was like things called mental disorders got me out of it.

01:59:00.000 That's what I'm trying to say.

01:59:01.000 We're like, dude, my body was like, this is fucked up.

01:59:04.000 Dude, when you were crying?

01:59:05.000 Tell that story.

01:59:05.000 Which one?

01:59:06.000 When you were crying after you tried to sell real estate.

01:59:09.000 Oh, dude.

01:59:09.000 Yeah, and I became a realtor, too.

01:59:11.000 I was 19. I was a realtor.

01:59:13.000 I was like selling Percocets.

01:59:14.000 I'm like, I'm gonna become a realtor and really expand my empire.

01:59:17.000 Imagine a 19-year-old kid trying to sell your house.

01:59:20.000 I had like a shaved head and I would come in and like people would just be like, yeah, we're not gonna use you and I'd cry in my car and be like, fuck, it's so fucking hard.

01:59:27.000 You see, we weren't gonna use you?

01:59:29.000 We're gonna buy the house but we won't use you?

01:59:31.000 They would say they were gonna use me and then I'd be like, sweet, I'm about to make 4,000 bucks and I would like take a credit card and max it out being like, payday's coming and then they'd be like, yeah, we're actually going with someone else and I'd be like, fuck.

01:59:40.000 Fuck!

01:59:40.000 I'm fucking ruined!

01:59:42.000 Isn't that a dirty move in the real estate world?

01:59:44.000 Yeah, but, you know, but what happens...

01:59:46.000 He's 19. You're like, yeah, whatever.

01:59:47.000 Well, in real estate, what people do is they go, we'll get you, like, what did the other guy say he can get you for your house?

01:59:52.000 And they'll go pie in the sky.

01:59:54.000 Because you'll just go, oh, yeah, that sounds better.

01:59:56.000 But then they know it's not going to sell for that, but they sign you into the contract.

01:59:59.000 And they slowly lower you down, which kind of fucks you.

02:00:02.000 Because that, like, first week's kind of important.

02:00:04.000 If they see you've lowered the price, then they go, oh, they're open to negotiations.

02:00:07.000 Don't get me started, bro.

02:00:08.000 I'm a fucking certified fucking realtor.

02:00:10.000 You and Tim Dillon should do a podcast just on real estate.

02:00:12.000 Dude, I remember I was like, I'm going to start being a grown-up and reading the newspaper, and I open it up, and it was like, subprime mortgage crisis.

02:00:18.000 And I was like, what the fuck's that?

02:00:20.000 That's Tim.

02:00:22.000 Was he a realtor too?

02:00:23.000 It's all his fault.

02:00:23.000 Oh dude, he was all over that.

02:00:25.000 He was a subprime mortgage guy.

02:00:26.000 Was he really?

02:00:27.000 Yeah, that's what he did.

02:00:28.000 He fucked me.

02:00:29.000 He was in Long Island.

02:00:31.000 Didn't Tim have like houses?

02:00:33.000 Yeah.

02:00:33.000 That he was in?

02:00:34.000 Well, he had one house that got repossessed.

02:00:36.000 Yeah, he bought it for like $600,000 when he was 21 years old, worth nothing.

02:00:43.000 And then they took it from him and then it sold for $250,000.

02:00:47.000 So it's like right after 2008, everything crashed.

02:00:51.000 He lost everything.

02:00:52.000 But he's like, why the fuck did they sell me a house?

02:00:55.000 I mean, he's exactly right.

02:00:56.000 The way he describes, we did a podcast together recently, his podcast, that we filmed here, but the way he describes it, it's funny.

02:01:03.000 I listened.

02:01:03.000 It was a good episode.

02:01:04.000 He goes, everybody's at fault.

02:01:05.000 You knew you couldn't fucking buy that house.

02:01:08.000 Like, why are you trying to buy that house if you don't have a job?

02:01:10.000 And they sold you the house.

02:01:12.000 Like, whoa, whoa, okay.

02:01:14.000 And then they took it from you.

02:01:15.000 And you're a victim?

02:01:16.000 He's like, come on.

02:01:17.000 You shouldn't have bought that house.

02:01:18.000 Fair is fair.

02:01:19.000 But that's looking at it one way.

02:01:21.000 Another way is looking at it like some family that, like, scrapes together money and the bank convinces them this can work out.

02:01:26.000 And then their fucking rates go through the roof.

02:01:28.000 And then they can't afford their house anymore.

02:01:29.000 Now they're fucked.

02:01:30.000 Yeah, it is kind of a...

02:01:31.000 Like, once it's like the house is $400,000, even if you have good credit, you're like, how much am I going to pay?

02:01:35.000 It doesn't make any sense.

02:01:36.000 And they're like, over 30 years, you're going to pay $400,000 in interest.

02:01:39.000 And you're like, whatever, man.

02:01:40.000 You crying in front of that real estate thing was kind of...

02:01:42.000 That was one of our very close...

02:01:44.000 That was like our bonding story.

02:01:46.000 Oh, yeah.

02:01:46.000 Him, like, sitting out there.

02:01:48.000 He said he was crying after a deal didn't go through and a guy drove by on a bike.

02:01:51.000 No, that was...

02:01:51.000 Pussy.

02:01:52.000 No, that was when I... That was when I got divorced.

02:01:56.000 I used to go every day to my house that I was living in when I was married and I'd walk the dog from my ex, my ex-wife, because, like, you know, she was at work and I didn't want to, like, you know, fuck her over.

02:02:06.000 You love the dog, too.

02:02:07.000 I fucking love the dog, bro.

02:02:08.000 The Akita.

02:02:08.000 Fuck, man.

02:02:09.000 I get choked up about that.

02:02:10.000 It's a great dog.

02:02:11.000 My wife knows it.

02:02:11.000 She's like, how's the dog?

02:02:13.000 I go, don't fucking bring that up, dude.

02:02:14.000 Chances are this is going to reach that dog's ear.

02:02:16.000 The what?

02:02:17.000 What you're saying right now.

02:02:18.000 She showed me a picture the other day.

02:02:19.000 Your dog's at home right now.

02:02:20.000 It's going to go.

02:02:20.000 Don't, dude.

02:02:21.000 Don't do it.

02:02:22.000 But yeah, I used to drive.

02:02:23.000 I would go there.

02:02:24.000 I'd walk the dog.

02:02:25.000 I'd walk through the house.

02:02:26.000 And I'd be like, God, I'm a fucking piece of shit.

02:02:28.000 Fuck.

02:02:29.000 Then I'd drive home and cry the whole way home.

02:02:31.000 And then I saw a guy jogging, and I was like crying in my car, and I was like, pussy, out of the window.

02:02:36.000 I called him a pussy.

02:02:37.000 I was trying to make myself feel better.

02:02:39.000 And he just looked at me like, what the fuck, dude?

02:02:41.000 Yeah, we had the same sort of- I was like, nice shorts, pussy.

02:02:45.000 I bombed at helium.

02:02:46.000 I was driving back to our house, and there was just a finance bro on a bike.

02:02:51.000 And I was just driving by him, and I was like, pussy.

02:02:55.000 And I hit a red light, and I saw him flying, dude.

02:02:58.000 For like a mile, I saw this dude pedaling to catch up to me.

02:03:01.000 My windows were down, and I had a thought.

02:03:03.000 I was like, do I pull the window up?

02:03:05.000 I was like, no.

02:03:06.000 I get whatever he's about to give me.

02:03:09.000 I genuinely had that thought.

02:03:10.000 I was like, he deserves it.

02:03:11.000 Dude, he stuck his head in my window, and he goes, nice car, you fucking faggot.

02:03:17.000 And then I went, and we both started laughing, and he paddled away.

02:03:21.000 And I was like, yeah.

02:03:21.000 He laughed?

02:03:22.000 He laughed.

02:03:22.000 Oh, that's funny.

02:03:23.000 I mean, as soon as he hit me with what he said, and I didn't react by like, yeah, right, I laughed.

02:03:27.000 I laughed.

02:03:28.000 When he said that, I was like, yo.

02:03:31.000 Dude.

02:03:32.000 I can't believe you said that.

02:03:35.000 He hit me with like a...

02:03:36.000 That's hilarious!

02:03:37.000 It was such a nice moment.

02:03:38.000 That's a good exchange.

02:03:39.000 It was a genuine nice exchange.

02:03:40.000 Yeah, like an aggressive exchange, but you both walked away feeling good.

02:03:43.000 We both...

02:03:44.000 I, for no reason, I was just leaving Helium.

02:03:46.000 I saw a guy on a bike, and I was like, nice bike, fucking loser.

02:03:50.000 And he caught up.

02:03:51.000 He goes, nice piece of shit car, you fucking...

02:03:54.000 We used to yell out of car windows constantly.

02:03:56.000 Yelling out of car, we used to live on Drexel's campus.

02:03:59.000 And it was back right when the woke stuff was starting.

02:04:01.000 It was the most fun shit in the world.

02:04:03.000 We'd leave open mics.

02:04:04.000 I'd be drunk just sitting out of a car.

02:04:06.000 We'd pull up to a light.

02:04:07.000 There'd be college students.

02:04:08.000 I'd be like, uh, excuse me?

02:04:09.000 Could you please check your privilege?

02:04:11.000 Could you please check your fucking privilege?

02:04:14.000 It was so fun.

02:04:16.000 The reactions were unbelievable.

02:04:17.000 They would get pissed.

02:04:19.000 It would confuse the fuck out of them.

02:04:21.000 Fuck you, dude!

02:04:22.000 Dude, this is a hilarious exchange with this dude who I guess is like this right-wing comedian.

02:04:27.000 He goes to one of these Ukraine protests and he brings a homeless guy and he says, my wife's boyfriend is homeless.

02:04:35.000 You know, why don't you help him and the homeless people here?

02:04:38.000 And this guy like legitimately tries to engage him.

02:04:41.000 Like, why are we sending all this money to Ukraine?

02:04:43.000 We have this homeless problem right here.

02:04:44.000 My wife's boyfriend's homeless.

02:04:46.000 And he's got this dude with his shirt off, and he's like shaking his cup with change in it, like, come on man, give me some money.

02:04:52.000 I'm like, we donate some money to him, and the guy like tries to engage about the problems with Ukraine, and we have a legitimate problem with Ukraine.

02:05:01.000 I mean, what else do you do?

02:05:03.000 But this guy is like that liberal.

02:05:06.000 That liberal robot zombie repeating shit that he saw on CNBC just saying it.

02:05:13.000 He's got no shot.

02:05:14.000 If somebody comes with a homeless dude and starts fucking with you, if they're a tag team, you and a homeless dude roll up and start fucking with people.

02:05:22.000 It's just funny watching this guy trying to engage with these liberal Ukraine talking points.

02:05:28.000 You know, what Russia has done...

02:05:30.000 Yeah, this is it right here.

02:05:31.000 Give me some volume on this.

02:05:32.000 Oh my god.

02:05:33.000 Oh, it's uh...

02:05:34.000 Look at this guy.

02:05:46.000 Yeah, but what about the homeless people right here in America?

02:05:50.000 The only thing $100 billion to Ukraine is a lot.

02:06:07.000 Damn.

02:06:11.000 Putin has been threatening to attack other countries, including the United States.

02:06:17.000 That's fucked up, dude.

02:06:22.000 Damn.

02:06:23.000 Hilarious.

02:06:24.000 That shit's hilarious.

02:06:26.000 Just watching that guy actually try to engage him.

02:06:29.000 Actually, Putin's been threatening to invade other countries.

02:06:32.000 Well, that guy's gone.

02:06:32.000 Anybody out there is gone.

02:06:33.000 Yeah.

02:06:34.000 That guy's gone, too.

02:06:36.000 Well, the guy who's doing the video?

02:06:38.000 No, well, maybe, but the guy holding up a Ukrainian-American flag, that's an insane person.

02:06:45.000 Yeah, kind of an altist, too, a little bit.

02:06:48.000 Oh, yeah.

02:06:48.000 Or maybe not, though.

02:06:50.000 He might just be clammed up.

02:06:52.000 Something's wrong with him.

02:06:53.000 What percentage of people do you think, like, genuinely can't think for themselves?

02:06:59.000 That is terrifying.

02:07:00.000 A lot of people can't think for themselves.

02:07:02.000 And not only that, but they've had jobs where they've been forced to, like, all day, every day, follow the rules, you know, listen to the boss, be told when to show up, what to do, and you just get into this drone mindset.

02:07:15.000 And then there becomes an ideology that everybody in your business shares.

02:07:19.000 And you have to share that ideology or you get pushed out into the fringes of the social group.

02:07:26.000 Attachment stuff fucks people up.

02:07:27.000 It fucks people up.

02:07:28.000 And then, you know, they say, well, a good way to get brownie points is to tell people I protested.

02:07:32.000 I protested.

02:07:33.000 Yeah.

02:07:34.000 I'm going to show up.

02:07:35.000 I'm going to let everybody know that I'm with the cause.

02:07:37.000 Yeah, the Milgram experiments were fucked up.

02:07:39.000 Like two-thirds of the people just let him, they were like, yeah, I'll just shock this guy.

02:07:43.000 What was the Milgram experience?

02:07:44.000 That was the one where they were like, the guy in a lab coat would be like, turn up the voltage now.

02:07:49.000 Like a guy as an authority figure, he'd be like, turn it up now.

02:07:53.000 And then they'd be like, the guy would be like, no, hell, please, it hurts.

02:07:55.000 And the guys, the people would be like sweating and like, they didn't want to do it on some level, but for some reason they just kept obeying this guy.

02:08:02.000 Like if he was like an authority figure, he'd be like, do it.

02:08:03.000 He's doing a lab coat.

02:08:04.000 Do it now, yeah.

02:08:05.000 You must do that.

02:08:06.000 He didn't yell or anything, like, you must do this.

02:08:08.000 And they were like, fuck, man.

02:08:09.000 And they were like, and only like two-thirds, I think only a third of the people went like, fuck this, dude, this is fucked up.

02:08:14.000 Yeah, they would make it so the guy in the other room would pass out or die.

02:08:17.000 Yeah.

02:08:18.000 He would go from screaming and screaming and screaming, and then towards the end, the guy would be silent.

02:08:22.000 And he'd be like, shock him again.

02:08:24.000 These people off the street would be like...

02:08:26.000 It was like an overwhelming amount of people would just obey this, mindlessly obey an authority figure.

02:08:32.000 Do you think that's some program shit from back when we were hunter-gatherers?

02:08:36.000 Probably.

02:08:36.000 You just had to follow rules.

02:08:37.000 You didn't listen to the chief.

02:08:39.000 Probably.

02:08:39.000 Because, yeah, if you got kicked out, you would die.

02:08:41.000 If they're like, you know, buzz off, you would die.

02:08:43.000 Yeah, there's a thing that people have where they look to authority.

02:08:47.000 That's why the Trump thing was so interesting.

02:08:50.000 Because he's this big, larger-than-life character that has confidence.

02:08:55.000 And he's telling you what's going on.

02:08:57.000 I'm your leader.

02:08:58.000 I'm the best leader.

02:08:59.000 Best one you've ever had.

02:09:00.000 And he's doing this, and everybody's like, yeah!

02:09:04.000 Yes!

02:09:05.000 And you find out, like, the problems with the education system, the chickens have come home to roost, motherfucker.

02:09:11.000 Oh, yeah.

02:09:12.000 Because there's millions of dummies.

02:09:14.000 Millions and millions and millions and millions and millions of dummies in this country.

02:09:18.000 It's fucked up.

02:09:19.000 They would take so much to boost them out of dummyhood.

02:09:23.000 So much.

02:09:24.000 Yeah, you can't.

02:09:25.000 You could exploit them.

02:09:26.000 You have to do kids.

02:09:27.000 You can't take adults and, like, shatter their worldview.

02:09:30.000 Or be like, two things can be true simultaneously.

02:09:32.000 The average is gonna go, what the fuck are you talking about, dude?

02:09:34.000 Some adults can handle it.

02:09:36.000 Some adults can grow.

02:09:37.000 But it's hard to grow when you're working all day.

02:09:39.000 And if you're working all day in a place where you have to follow the rules and you have to, like, stay in that mindset that we're talking about and be a part of that ideology, very hard to stray outside of it.

02:09:48.000 Yeah.

02:09:48.000 Because who are you gonna tell?

02:09:50.000 Who are you going to pull aside?

02:09:51.000 If you're one of those right-wing Christian groups and you go, well, maybe if someone gets raped, they shouldn't have to carry a kid.

02:10:00.000 And then they all surround you.

02:10:03.000 You're talking about murdering.

02:10:04.000 Murdering an innocent human life.

02:10:06.000 Murdering.

02:10:07.000 Your whole family is being like, we're going to fuck you up.

02:10:09.000 It's like the Westboro chick that got out of it.

02:10:12.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:13.000 She was on this.

02:10:14.000 She was on fucking Howard Stern's Hollywood Squares.

02:10:17.000 Really?

02:10:18.000 It's one of my favorite things.

02:10:19.000 You ever see those Hollywood Squares?

02:10:20.000 No.

02:10:21.000 Megan Phelps was on that?

02:10:23.000 Yeah, it was the Phelps.

02:10:24.000 I think their block was gay haters.

02:10:28.000 It was like them.

02:10:29.000 It was like Gilbert Gottfried, Daniel Carver.

02:10:32.000 One block was just called The Retards.

02:10:34.000 It was...

02:10:35.000 I mean, it was nuts.

02:10:36.000 Yeah, it was wild.

02:10:37.000 Look, what he did, I mean, look, people to this day, they make fun of Howard Stern because of who he is now and the way he behaves now.

02:10:44.000 That guy's the man.

02:10:46.000 He was the fucking pioneer.

02:10:48.000 When he was the king of all media and he was telling everybody to suck his dick and the FCC was going after him, the government was fining him.

02:10:56.000 Yeah.

02:10:56.000 They were finding his businesses fucking millions of dollars.

02:11:00.000 Yeah.

02:11:00.000 And he was out there doing wild shit on the radio.

02:11:03.000 He was putting a Klansman on with fucking Young Thug.

02:11:07.000 And now he's woke.

02:11:09.000 It's crazy.

02:11:10.000 Trick Daddy?

02:11:11.000 Trick Daddy.

02:11:11.000 Yeah, he has to be, though, because, dude, the skeleton's that guy.

02:11:15.000 Yeah, look at this.

02:11:16.000 God hates.

02:11:18.000 Oh, and she escaped.

02:11:19.000 No, there's also Hollywood Squares, but yes.

02:11:21.000 They used to bring them back all the time.

02:11:24.000 You know, what's interesting, too, is that when you talk to Megan Phelps, this woman who left the Westboro Baptist Church, and, you know, she wrote a book, and she's so kind, like, so normal and interesting, and she realized she had to get out, and she got out by meeting a guy on Twitter.

02:11:41.000 Yeah.

02:11:41.000 Some guy on Twitter was, like, arguing back and forth with her, and so she engages with this guy, and they start having, like, civil conversations, and then they meet, and they wind up marrying.

02:11:50.000 What?

02:11:51.000 Yes.

02:11:51.000 I mean, she's a little...

02:11:53.000 She's very nice, man.

02:11:54.000 That's Bonk City, dude.

02:11:55.000 Yeah, but dude, she's very nice.

02:11:57.000 If you met her, she's super nice.

02:11:59.000 She's pretty, she's smart.

02:12:01.000 But she was raised in the Westboro Baptist Church.

02:12:03.000 For her to get out of that takes...

02:12:07.000 That's crazy.

02:12:08.000 Well, she knew it was hypocritical.

02:12:09.000 She was confronted by actual biblical lessons.

02:12:14.000 This guy would confront her with actual biblical stuff.

02:12:16.000 This is not what God said.

02:12:18.000 This is not what's in the Bible.

02:12:19.000 What they're doing, what Fred Phelps is doing, is wrong.

02:12:22.000 It's against Jesus' teaching.

02:12:24.000 And she's like showing.

02:12:26.000 Damn.

02:12:26.000 And then he smashed.

02:12:27.000 And then he smashed her pussy with his penis.

02:12:31.000 Nice.

02:12:32.000 They probably got married first.

02:12:33.000 For sure.

02:12:34.000 Almost definitely.

02:12:35.000 Quickly.

02:12:36.000 But how nice was that sex?

02:12:37.000 He was butting her up with the Proverbs, dude.

02:12:39.000 How nice was that sex?

02:12:39.000 Baby, baby, baby.

02:12:41.000 Dude, while they're fucking just like, song of songs.

02:12:44.000 8, 13. Yeah, that's pretty cool that he did that.

02:12:50.000 He got it out.

02:12:51.000 You could get sucked into anything.

02:12:53.000 If you're in it when you're young, you get indoctrinated.

02:12:55.000 I mean, that's how every fucking cult does it.

02:12:59.000 There's so many of them that can do it.

02:13:02.000 Voice of authority.

02:13:04.000 This is the rules.

02:13:05.000 Everybody follows the rules.

02:13:07.000 Next thing you know, you're drinking the fucking Kool-Aid.

02:13:10.000 You're literally like, fuck it, everyone else here is killing themselves.

02:13:13.000 They got young kids badly, though.

02:13:15.000 Because they somehow hijacked the definition of being cool.

02:13:17.000 And it's like, you gotta love government and big corporations, and then you're cool.

02:13:21.000 And all the young kids now, a lot of them are fucking warped on it.

02:13:24.000 Yeah.

02:13:25.000 I don't think that's sustainable.

02:13:27.000 They're gonna get their dreams shattered over and over and over again, and they're gonna come out of it on the other side and realize they got fucked.

02:13:34.000 Yeah.

02:13:35.000 But the putting your faith in the pharmaceutical drug companies and the government, and then the climate crisis crew that's trying to make money off that, all of it is just like, you're carrying water for people that have been stealing money forever.

02:13:50.000 Forever and ever and ever, on both sides.

02:13:52.000 On both sides.

02:13:53.000 Yeah.

02:13:54.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:13:54.000 It's fucked up.

02:13:55.000 For fucking sure.

02:13:56.000 It's fucked up.

02:13:57.000 They're all dirty.

02:13:59.000 That's why it's interesting when you watch this Biden thing.

02:14:02.000 It's like, oh, the machine's in motion.

02:14:04.000 Oh, with the...

02:14:05.000 The machine to get rid of him is in motion.

02:14:07.000 All they gotta do to get rid of him is let him give an interview.

02:14:09.000 Well, they're letting him talk now.

02:14:10.000 It'll be gone.

02:14:11.000 They're letting him do this now.

02:14:12.000 They were hiding him through the entire...

02:14:15.000 You know, like, during the presidential campaign, remember when he was hiding?

02:14:18.000 Yeah.

02:14:19.000 Basically hiding.

02:14:19.000 He did one Adderall'd up debate...

02:14:23.000 Trump dog was adderalled up in the first one.

02:14:25.000 They're all adderalled up.

02:14:26.000 Trump dog was adderalled up.

02:14:28.000 He wouldn't shut the fuck up.

02:14:29.000 All he had to do to win the debate was shut the fuck up and let Biden talk.

02:14:34.000 He did a great job in the second one.

02:14:35.000 The second one he dominated.

02:14:36.000 It was too late.

02:14:38.000 He acted like a fucking asshole in the first one.

02:14:41.000 The whole country saw it.

02:14:42.000 I was watching it like, dude, shut the fuck up.

02:14:45.000 Let Biden not be able to talk.

02:14:47.000 That's all you have to do.

02:14:48.000 He'd just make facial expressions.

02:14:50.000 He could have just went...

02:14:51.000 The problem also, this is the real problem, the debate format is ridiculous.

02:14:56.000 If you are talking to someone who is going to be the President of the United States, and you have five minutes to say what you're saying, or 30 seconds, or a minute, whatever, any kind of time constraint like that is ridiculous.

02:15:08.000 When Lincoln used to give speeches, they would do it outside with no mic for hours.

02:15:11.000 They would talk for hours and hours and hours about what they wanted to do and how they wanted to do it.

02:15:15.000 And then people would sit there and listen to it.

02:15:18.000 And you get an understanding of what the fuck this guy's all about.

02:15:21.000 You don't...

02:15:22.000 You're giving these, like...

02:15:23.000 Time is up, Mr. President.

02:15:25.000 Your time is up.

02:15:26.000 And he keeps trying to finish the sentence.

02:15:27.000 No.

02:15:28.000 How do they not have real-time fact-checking?

02:15:29.000 Well, they do, but now all of a sudden that's kind of weird.

02:15:33.000 Right, who does it?

02:15:34.000 Snopes?

02:15:34.000 Exactly.

02:15:34.000 They'll fact-check the one guy and not the other guy.

02:15:37.000 And then you're sitting there going, wait, is that true?

02:15:39.000 Well, a lot of things were fact-checked during COVID that turned out to actually be true.

02:15:43.000 And they were fact-checked as false.

02:15:44.000 And now we openly admit they're true.

02:15:48.000 If they get caught lying during the thing, it should be like, no, that's actually false.

02:15:52.000 Yeah, but these independent fact checkers, a lot of the fact checks are very subjective, how they view the information.

02:15:58.000 Yeah.

02:15:59.000 It's funny too, those debates could be good, but the only guys that are willing to speak up and say, there's one from Ron Paul in 08, that's like, damn, that was a good, that guy's, Yang would come up and make a good point.

02:16:14.000 The guys that are going to win don't even try to make a good point.

02:16:16.000 They're just up there like...

02:16:17.000 It would have been very interesting to see if Ron Paul won.

02:16:20.000 If Ron Paul won, that would have been very interesting.

02:16:23.000 That would have been very interesting.

02:16:24.000 I don't even think he was...

02:16:26.000 He was independent, right?

02:16:27.000 Yeah, but I don't even think he was...

02:16:29.000 He was nothing.

02:16:31.000 No, but his ideas about non-interventionalist foreign policy, like, it resonated with a lot of people.

02:16:37.000 Like, why are we the police of the world?

02:16:38.000 Dude, he gave that speech in a debate.

02:16:40.000 They're like, something about 9-11.

02:16:42.000 And he went off on, like, why do you think it happened?

02:16:45.000 He's like, why?

02:16:45.000 It was at a Republican convention where everyone was like, Boom, shut the fuck up.

02:16:49.000 They hate our freedom.

02:16:50.000 He's like, they don't fucking hate our freedom.

02:16:52.000 It was like a nice, it was like a good moment.

02:16:55.000 It ended his career.

02:16:57.000 Or his bid for the election, but it's pretty sick.

02:17:00.000 His son's a badass.

02:17:01.000 His son tried to give a speech.

02:17:02.000 His son is a badass.

02:17:03.000 You like Rand.

02:17:04.000 Yeah.

02:17:05.000 Is that the guy who goes after Fauci?

02:17:09.000 Yeah, that was the guy who was always attacking Fauci.

02:17:11.000 Well, he was right.

02:17:12.000 He was attacking him about gain-of-function research, and Fauci was just something lying.

02:17:16.000 That was shady.

02:17:17.000 Why did Trump get him?

02:17:18.000 Yeah, why'd Trump get ran?

02:17:19.000 Rand was in a debate, and he was like, I haven't gone after your looks at all.

02:17:23.000 And trust me, there's a lot of material there.

02:17:25.000 Rand's handsome!

02:17:26.000 Rand's handsome!

02:17:27.000 And Rand Paul was just like, what?

02:17:29.000 My looks?

02:17:29.000 What are you talking about, man?

02:17:30.000 Trump just was like, you're fucking ugly.

02:17:32.000 I haven't made fun of you for being ugly.

02:17:33.000 I could if I wanted to.

02:17:35.000 He's not even ugly!

02:17:36.000 I know, he's a normal dude.

02:17:37.000 To have that kind of confidence with that head of hair is preposterous.

02:17:40.000 Go after people's looks, and you're literally wearing a mirage.

02:17:44.000 Rand Paul was literally like...

02:17:46.000 Right, he didn't handle it.

02:17:48.000 Well, I think they would all approach it very differently now.

02:17:50.000 They're probably like, oh, next time I'll get him.

02:17:52.000 Yeah, they've done it already.

02:17:54.000 2024, I'm gonna fuck him up.

02:17:56.000 No, they've all got nasty.

02:17:56.000 In a soundbite debate, they could never come near him.

02:17:59.000 No.

02:17:59.000 He's a master performer.

02:18:01.000 Yeah.

02:18:01.000 I mean, he's a guy who's been speaking publicly forever.

02:18:05.000 Forever.

02:18:05.000 Yeah, and he's mean.

02:18:06.000 Yeah, he's mean.

02:18:07.000 He'll go on and be like, yo, you're ugly as fuck.

02:18:08.000 And he has comedy timing.

02:18:10.000 Yeah, he does.

02:18:11.000 Fuck.

02:18:11.000 He'd be in jail.

02:18:13.000 Boom.

02:18:13.000 That was...

02:18:14.000 Boom.

02:18:15.000 I mean, that was in a debate, and the crowd was like, ahhh.

02:18:18.000 Boom.

02:18:19.000 Because you'd be in jail.

02:18:22.000 And you see the moment when he thinks of it.

02:18:24.000 His eyebrows kind of wiggle.

02:18:25.000 When he got Hillary Clinton.

02:18:28.000 It was when he got Rosie O'Donnell.

02:18:29.000 You could see him.

02:18:31.000 What's her name?

02:18:32.000 Kelly?

02:18:33.000 She's like asking.

02:18:34.000 She's like, I got you on this.

02:18:36.000 You've called women this.

02:18:37.000 You've called women this.

02:18:38.000 You can see him go.

02:18:40.000 And he adjusts the mic.

02:18:42.000 As soon as he knows it, he goes...

02:18:45.000 Only Rosie O'Donnell.

02:18:46.000 There it is, dude.

02:18:50.000 Got it.

02:18:57.000 Over.

02:18:57.000 Destroy.

02:18:58.000 What did she say, though, for the record?

02:18:59.000 It was well beyond Rosie O'Donnell.

02:19:00.000 Yes, I'm sure it was.

02:19:02.000 Yes, I'm sure it was.

02:19:05.000 Just somebody telling you facts and you're like, shut the fuck up.

02:19:08.000 It's also super hot lawyer, Megyn Kelly.

02:19:11.000 The prototype of the Fox, blonde, super hot assassin lady.

02:19:18.000 Oh, God.

02:19:19.000 To me, they're the hottest.

02:19:21.000 Those super hot Republican ladies on Fox They're the hottest women alive.

02:19:26.000 I went to Mar-a-Lago.

02:19:28.000 They're so hot.

02:19:28.000 I went to Mar-a-Lago.

02:19:29.000 There was ten of them walking around.

02:19:31.000 They're just around.

02:19:32.000 Bro.

02:19:32.000 They're so hot.

02:19:33.000 They're the hottest women alive.

02:19:34.000 Those Foxbots?

02:19:36.000 Foxbots.

02:19:37.000 They really are.

02:19:38.000 Well, they fucking sit there.

02:19:39.000 I had this whole bit about, like, Megyn Kelly is literally wearing a vagina curtain.

02:19:43.000 Yes.

02:19:44.000 I mean, it's not even a good curtain, like a blackout curtain you'd have in a theater.

02:19:48.000 It's like the little curtain grandma has over a kitchen window sill, where the window's open.

02:19:52.000 The sun's shining through.

02:19:53.000 Whispers in the breeze.

02:19:54.000 The sun's coming through a little.

02:19:55.000 A small amount of cloth between that and her underwear, which is just this tiny little piece of cloth that's over her vagina.

02:20:02.000 Don't give me three, you're trying to give me heart.

02:20:03.000 Bro, you're not posing, guys.

02:20:05.000 They all have beautiful legs, and their whole leg is exposed.

02:20:08.000 No man could ever dress that way.

02:20:11.000 You see their feet, you see their toes, and their legs are crossed.

02:20:14.000 I mean, it's a preposterous way of dressing.

02:20:16.000 You have full cleavage, arms are exposed, there's so much skin.

02:20:21.000 It's a weapon.

02:20:22.000 It is wild, though, the attire that women are allowed to wear in certain situations.

02:20:29.000 So sexual and compared to what men wear.

02:20:32.000 Men cover up, suit, a tie, and that's a man dressing nice.

02:20:36.000 A woman dressing nice.

02:20:37.000 You could see half of her tits, you see most of her legs, you see her feet, you see her toes, you see her painted little toes, perfect Perfect little feet.

02:20:46.000 Goddamn, Joe.

02:20:47.000 Long arms.

02:20:49.000 Stop.

02:20:49.000 Flowing hair.

02:20:50.000 And she's wearing makeup.

02:20:52.000 Full face.

02:20:52.000 I'm about to get in that fucking ice bath.

02:20:54.000 Let's go.

02:20:55.000 You better slow down.

02:20:56.000 She's looking at you in the eyes like, I'm mad.

02:20:57.000 And you're like, fuck, I've been so fucking bad.

02:20:59.000 I know you're mad.

02:21:00.000 Lips of color that only exists in flowers.

02:21:03.000 Yeah.

02:21:03.000 Did you ever get into super normal stimuli?

02:21:05.000 What's that?

02:21:06.000 How they trick butterflies into dedicating their whole lives.

02:21:09.000 Yeah, this is all I've ever wanted.

02:21:11.000 We're fucked up.

02:21:12.000 For seven years.

02:21:13.000 This is the moment, dude.

02:21:15.000 I was wondering how he would do.

02:21:19.000 I knew you were going to do this, dude.

02:21:21.000 He sent me the longest fucking text message.

02:21:23.000 I was so afraid.

02:21:24.000 Like, bummed out that he's asking me to have you come along.

02:21:27.000 And I was like, yeah, for sure.

02:21:28.000 I know, but it was this long thing.

02:21:31.000 No, it's not.

02:21:31.000 It was like eight texts.

02:21:32.000 That's what kind of guy he is, dude.

02:21:34.000 It is risky, because you don't know.

02:21:35.000 You'd be like, this motherfucker's fucking changing my show.

02:21:37.000 Yeah, but he knows me.

02:21:39.000 I know, we're friends, but like, it's still like a, hey, you want me to bring another guy?

02:21:43.000 It's kind of, I know, let's go.

02:21:45.000 But I also knew, I knew in my heart of hearts, Matt would rise to the occasion and say things like, have you ever heard of super stimuli or whatever bullshit that was?

02:21:54.000 I knew it was in there.

02:21:55.000 It's fucked up to think about because you can attract people, you can attract species to, you find what they're innately attracted to and you produce a version of that that's so pumped up nature can't reproduce it and it hijacks your biology.

02:22:08.000 Like Doritos.

02:22:09.000 Like fake tits?

02:22:10.000 Yes, fake tits, Doritos.

02:22:11.000 They would get these butterflies that are like the deeper the shade of purple, like some type of butterfly.

02:22:17.000 The males would follow this.

02:22:18.000 They would go to that to like mate with the female.

02:22:20.000 They started getting these like dark purple construction papers.

02:22:23.000 These male butterflies would dedicate their whole lives to just like floating around this piece of paper and they'd die.

02:22:29.000 Oh.

02:22:29.000 And then we have human beings who are getting hit with the same shit.

02:22:33.000 Like flavor-blasted goldfish?

02:22:35.000 That's outside of nature's capacity.

02:22:37.000 Right, that makes sense.

02:22:38.000 And then you get hooked to the fake thing and it hijacks your biology and you're like, I want that.

02:22:42.000 Sour Patch Kids.

02:22:43.000 Yes, dude.

02:22:44.000 4-inch Doritos.

02:22:45.000 It's over.

02:22:45.000 I start eating Sour Patch Kids, I can't stop it.

02:22:48.000 I go, just one, just one.

02:22:50.000 And the next thing, I eat a bag of candy and I'm sitting there having a fucking diabetes attack.

02:22:54.000 Dude, if you go into a convenience store, 99% of the shit is bad for you.

02:23:00.000 Yeah.

02:23:00.000 It's bad for you.

02:23:01.000 You can get some beef jerky.

02:23:03.000 It's pretty good if you buy a bottle of water.

02:23:05.000 That's it.

02:23:06.000 You gotta buy those hard-boiled eggs that are in a plastic bag at a gas station.

02:23:11.000 That's if you got your head on straight.

02:23:12.000 That's actually a safe bet.

02:23:13.000 No, that's actually a safe bet.

02:23:16.000 The hard-boiled eggs are a pretty good bet.

02:23:18.000 You know why?

02:23:18.000 Because, first of all, you can keep eggs for a long time.

02:23:21.000 Eggs you could leave on a counter.

02:23:23.000 They don't go bad.

02:23:24.000 They're encased, right?

02:23:25.000 And then when they cook it, once they cook it, it's boiled all the way through, so you don't have to worry about salmonella.

02:23:30.000 Put that bitch in a fucking saran wrap.

02:23:33.000 I'm saying the...

02:23:34.000 But the societal repercussions of eating it publicly outweigh the nutritional.

02:23:39.000 Dude, I was with a guy who we were on a road trip.

02:23:42.000 He got in the car and started eating fucking eggs out of a plastic bag at a gas station.

02:23:46.000 That's me, bro.

02:23:47.000 I was like, we're done, dude.

02:23:48.000 You and me.

02:23:49.000 Hard-boiled eggs.

02:23:50.000 That's me.

02:23:51.000 I would 100% eat that.

02:23:53.000 Not only would I eat that, I would be flocked to that.

02:23:55.000 I'd be like, ooh, that's what I'm looking for.

02:23:57.000 Peeled and ready to eat?

02:23:58.000 Perfect.

02:23:58.000 Let's go.

02:23:59.000 I'd eat five of those.

02:24:00.000 I peeled it.

02:24:01.000 What the fuck?

02:24:02.000 This is out of control.

02:24:03.000 No preservatives.

02:24:04.000 No preservatives.

02:24:05.000 Those are the worst.

02:24:06.000 Perfect.

02:24:06.000 You don't have to preserve them.

02:24:07.000 Those are the scary ones.

02:24:08.000 You go to a southern gas station.

02:24:10.000 I just bought a jug the other day.

02:24:12.000 I went to the gas station.

02:24:13.000 I was at the gas station and they had eggs with jalapenos in them.

02:24:17.000 I was like, oh, spicy boiled eggs?

02:24:19.000 Spicy pickled eggs?

02:24:20.000 Let's go.

02:24:20.000 One of the farts, though.

02:24:22.000 Whatever.

02:24:22.000 True.

02:24:23.000 They're terrible.

02:24:24.000 It's whatever you want.

02:24:27.000 That's exhaust flames, dude.

02:24:29.000 That's absolute exhaust flames.

02:24:30.000 The most terrible fart in a Tesla is just eating fucking gas station eggs.

02:24:35.000 That's protein, dude.

02:24:37.000 The most terrible farts that I can make are pasta with, like, meat sauce.

02:24:41.000 If I have pasta with, like, sausage, with the tomato sauce and a giant bowl of spaghetti.

02:24:47.000 Oh, my God.

02:24:48.000 So I'll eat sausage or something before a show.

02:24:51.000 Now I'm drinking Bud Lights.

02:24:52.000 Now we're going into the show.

02:24:53.000 I'm burping in the front row.

02:24:55.000 It's an hour-long show.

02:24:56.000 I'm literally on stage going...

02:24:58.000 I see people in the front like...

02:25:06.000 How many times have you ever farted on stage and knew it was horrific?

02:25:09.000 Never, dude?

02:25:09.000 You farted on stage?

02:25:10.000 I farted on stage once.

02:25:11.000 It must have been so comfortable.

02:25:13.000 It was so bad.

02:25:14.000 I was so embarrassed.

02:25:16.000 I moved to a different part of the stage.

02:25:18.000 Pretend it wasn't me.

02:25:20.000 Did you stop talking while you were farting or did you...

02:25:23.000 I don't remember.

02:25:23.000 It was a long time ago, but I remember it was so bad that I was like, oh no, I gotta get away from this.

02:25:28.000 Dude, I've been chasing that.

02:25:29.000 I've not been able to fart on stage.

02:25:31.000 I didn't think you could do it.

02:25:32.000 We've been discussing this.

02:25:33.000 Dude, I'd go right to mic.

02:25:34.000 I'd go to mic and amplify.

02:25:35.000 You gotta fart into the mic.

02:25:36.000 Depends on what.

02:25:36.000 Joey did that before in the OR. He was in the middle of a bit.

02:25:39.000 Must've exploded.

02:25:40.000 So I'm talking this dude.

02:25:41.000 Hold on, hold on.

02:25:42.000 He goes, suka!

02:25:44.000 Killed!

02:25:45.000 It wasn't killed!

02:25:47.000 He stuck a microphone in his asshole!

02:25:49.000 And then you are next!

02:25:51.000 And you got his fucking forked ass!

02:25:53.000 Did it work?

02:25:54.000 Because the way I would imagine is the crowd going...

02:25:57.000 Oh, we died.

02:25:58.000 Like, people must have been like, what was that?

02:25:59.000 It was at the store in the OR. The store in the OR is basically doing stand-up in a prison colony.

02:26:05.000 It's like, the people are savages.

02:26:07.000 Like, they're so accustomed to, especially back then, they're so accustomed to just this wild comedy and Brian Holtzman and all these different fucking people going up slaying and talking about all kinds of crazy shit.

02:26:18.000 It's dark as fuck in there.

02:26:20.000 You can't see anything.

02:26:21.000 It's the best.

02:26:22.000 It was perfect.

02:26:23.000 That club today?

02:26:24.000 Yeah, it's a different animal.

02:26:25.000 Hopefully we can get that going.

02:26:26.000 Oh, yeah.

02:26:28.000 One of those types of rooms.

02:26:29.000 Yeah, I thought you meant that club, the store.

02:26:30.000 Yeah, how about that place?

02:26:32.000 It looks nice, right?

02:26:32.000 Yes.

02:26:33.000 We're close.

02:26:34.000 If you can get a room like that where guys are farting in mics, I'm coming.

02:26:39.000 It's happening.

02:26:39.000 This country might have a chance, dude.

02:26:41.000 We got a chance.

02:26:42.000 That's the new Liberty Bell.

02:26:43.000 It actually might be the Liberty Bell.

02:26:45.000 It's the Alamo for comedy.

02:26:46.000 It really might be.

02:26:48.000 Yeah, it is.

02:26:49.000 That's what Louis called it.

02:26:50.000 The Alamo?

02:26:51.000 He said, you're building us an Alamo.

02:26:52.000 Yeah.

02:26:54.000 Sweet Lou.

02:26:55.000 It is fucked up, dude.

02:26:57.000 I mean, dude, it's literally the sign of totalitarian oppression to be like, yo, seriously, don't fucking joke about that.

02:27:01.000 Yeah, don't joke about that.

02:27:03.000 It's dangerous.

02:27:04.000 And people don't realize that, but people have realized that throughout history.

02:27:07.000 The Lakotas had a sacred person in their tribe called the Hayoka, who'd make fun of everything.

02:27:13.000 I would have fucking hated that.

02:27:15.000 Oh, that guy sucks ass, dude.

02:27:18.000 And he would hide behind it, too.

02:27:20.000 Like comedians.

02:27:21.000 It's just a joke.

02:27:22.000 You'd be like, Heyoka, dude, for real, stop.

02:27:25.000 It would be like roast battle every day.

02:27:28.000 It would be like roast battle every day.

02:27:31.000 You're a shitty Indian.

02:27:33.000 You can't catch anything.

02:27:34.000 Every day the Hayoka stands up.

02:27:36.000 If you fucked up, they'd give you a fucked up name.

02:27:39.000 It would be your name until you drew them wrong.

02:27:42.000 Fucking Empire of the Summer Moon.

02:27:43.000 Yeah.

02:27:44.000 Dude, their names were like Dog Pussy.

02:27:48.000 It wasn't as magical as we like to think it was.

02:27:51.000 It was like Dog Dick.

02:27:53.000 Come over here.

02:27:54.000 Well, when you read about what they did to each other, you're like, oh, Jesus Christ.

02:27:58.000 This idea that they were these peaceful people that were living together, living off the land, and everybody lived in harmony.

02:28:03.000 Maybe somewhere.

02:28:04.000 That's the thing.

02:28:06.000 But they didn't last.

02:28:06.000 It didn't seem like it.

02:28:07.000 Well, they got raided by the other ones.

02:28:10.000 Dog dick and his buddies would show up and fucking drag you and your kids off without hitting a horse.

02:28:15.000 They would go on raids just like the Vikings did.

02:28:17.000 They were raiders.

02:28:19.000 The Comanches especially, the people that lived here, they were raiders.

02:28:22.000 That's what they did.

02:28:23.000 They'd get together in giant groups of horses.

02:28:25.000 And the other thing they would do that's fucked up, they caught guys.

02:28:27.000 They caught guys slipping like some US guys were trying to make their way across.

02:28:31.000 They would cut their horses loose in the middle of the night.

02:28:35.000 And so they would stampede their horses out so they'd never get their horses back, and then they would slowly follow them from a distance while they starved to death.

02:28:43.000 Jesus, man.

02:28:44.000 They would watch them and mock them.

02:28:45.000 So they'd be on horseback at the top of a ridge just, you know, a few hundred yards away, laughing at them.

02:28:50.000 And these dudes are walking.

02:28:51.000 No water.

02:28:52.000 Don't know where they're going.

02:28:54.000 No horses.

02:28:55.000 This is a guy from fucking Pittsburgh.

02:28:57.000 Just walking.

02:28:58.000 Just walking.

02:28:59.000 God damn it.

02:28:59.000 I've been to a baseball game.

02:29:01.000 Just wanted to pay for education.

02:29:03.000 Yeah.

02:29:03.000 The government was going to pay for his college.

02:29:05.000 It's like, this is great.

02:29:06.000 Great deal.

02:29:07.000 Goddamn.

02:29:07.000 Now my hair was starving to death in the planes.

02:29:10.000 Yeah.

02:29:11.000 And you don't see shit.

02:29:12.000 You're just walking.

02:29:13.000 It's just flat forever.

02:29:14.000 Yeah, it's shit.

02:29:15.000 It's flat forever.

02:29:16.000 Planes suck.

02:29:16.000 There's no houses out there.

02:29:18.000 This is the early days.

02:29:19.000 No one had even moved there yet.

02:29:22.000 That was the scariest part of that book about the Donner Party where there was like...

02:29:25.000 The scary part about crossing the plains was like a kid would get off the wagon and like walk.

02:29:30.000 They'd be lost immediately.

02:29:31.000 The grass was high enough.

02:29:32.000 You'd lose a kid.

02:29:34.000 And you couldn't stop.

02:29:35.000 You'd be like, one of the kids gone.

02:29:37.000 They'd be lost.

02:29:38.000 It was a desert with grass that was up to here.

02:29:42.000 So children were just gone.

02:29:44.000 There were snakes.

02:29:45.000 Everything sucked.

02:29:46.000 Everything sucked.

02:29:47.000 Wolves.

02:29:48.000 A dog came and ate your family.

02:29:51.000 A pack of them.

02:29:53.000 Just a bunch of dogs carried your sister off.

02:29:56.000 Your mom dies from diarrhea.

02:29:58.000 Everyone's diarrhea, dude.

02:29:59.000 Oh my god.

02:30:00.000 You didn't know where it should go.

02:30:01.000 Everyone was just shitting around the camp, drinking out of the water.

02:30:09.000 Birds are falling.

02:30:10.000 Birds are going at you.

02:30:11.000 You don't have time to boil the water, so just drink out of the creek.

02:30:13.000 Shit blows.

02:30:15.000 Dysentery.

02:30:15.000 Now all of a sudden, Indian fucking Comanches start following you.

02:30:19.000 Yeah.

02:30:19.000 And they follow you slowly.

02:30:20.000 They let you know you're around.

02:30:22.000 They're like, we're going to rape you in about a week.

02:30:23.000 Yeah.

02:30:24.000 God damn it.

02:30:26.000 Your wife's nagging.

02:30:28.000 Slowly circle you.

02:30:29.000 You're not even going to fight them off.

02:30:31.000 Look at them.

02:30:32.000 That's a man.

02:30:33.000 Oh no.

02:30:35.000 Imagine the sourpuss on one of your wagon wheels brakes and you're like, how the fuck do I fix this again?

02:30:39.000 You have no idea what you're doing.

02:30:41.000 What a sourpuss, dude.

02:30:42.000 Your wheels are made out of wood.

02:30:45.000 Explode.

02:30:46.000 You're making your way across the entire country on wheels made out of wood.

02:30:51.000 With horses pulling you.

02:30:52.000 And you hope the horses stay alive.

02:30:54.000 Because you only got a few of them.

02:30:56.000 And a full family.

02:30:57.000 Full family.

02:30:58.000 With kids.

02:30:59.000 And then you'd have a kid.

02:31:00.000 Oh yeah, along the way.

02:31:01.000 The wife would get pregnant on the way.

02:31:03.000 Obviously, yeah.

02:31:04.000 Obviously.

02:31:04.000 Obviously, dude.

02:31:06.000 Well, that Cynthia Ann Parker story, the woman who was nine years old, when her whole family was slaughtered, and they would take the young ones and integrate them into the tribe, because the Comanche lost a lot of children, a lot of mothers while they were pregnant.

02:31:18.000 Baby Navy never came to term because they were riding horses, and they're bouncing around all the time, and they're fucking...

02:31:24.000 You know, a lot of impact.

02:31:26.000 So their populations, it was very important to keep a high population.

02:31:29.000 So they would bring in people that they captured.

02:31:31.000 That's what the Amish do.

02:31:32.000 As long as they were young.

02:31:33.000 That's what the Amish do?

02:31:34.000 I've heard.

02:31:34.000 They go on raiding programs?

02:31:35.000 I've heard they snag kids.

02:31:37.000 They'll come down to Mechanicsburg.

02:31:38.000 They'll raid us.

02:31:38.000 I've heard.

02:31:38.000 If they see, like, a mom all drunk and fucked up, I've heard.

02:31:41.000 I don't want to slur the Amish, but I've heard they'll fucking...

02:31:44.000 Really?

02:31:45.000 Yeah, they need some new blood, man.

02:31:46.000 You really heard this?

02:31:47.000 I have heard this.

02:31:48.000 If you...

02:31:48.000 I've heard from people...

02:31:49.000 What bar was...

02:31:51.000 My brother's boy.

02:31:54.000 It's a fun thing to say.

02:31:56.000 It's a fun thing to say.

02:31:57.000 It's like folklore.

02:31:59.000 It's nice having the Amish.

02:32:00.000 I like having the Amish where we're from.

02:32:01.000 Me too.

02:32:02.000 That's what separated us growing up.

02:32:04.000 It was you where you lived, Amish country, me.

02:32:06.000 Now we'd have the Amish.

02:32:07.000 What's that thing they get to do when they turn into...

02:32:09.000 Rumspring.

02:32:10.000 Rumspring, dude.

02:32:10.000 They get to stay on Rumspring as long as they want.

02:32:13.000 And then they can come back.

02:32:14.000 It's not like a year.

02:32:15.000 It's as long as they want.

02:32:16.000 And then they come back.

02:32:17.000 You can be like 38 and be like, alright, Rumspring is done.

02:32:20.000 Whoa.

02:32:20.000 Yeah.

02:32:21.000 But your parents will shun you.

02:32:22.000 Oh, really?

02:32:22.000 If they can't talk to you, yeah, you can get shunned real hard.

02:32:25.000 If you fuck up real bad, people, everyone you know, just won't talk to you.

02:32:28.000 But how do you even know?

02:32:29.000 They block you, basically.

02:32:30.000 They're not on social media.

02:32:31.000 They block you.

02:32:32.000 They don't have phones.

02:32:33.000 How do they even know if you're upset?

02:32:35.000 Yeah, just old school accusations.

02:32:36.000 Just like, dude, he smells like booze.

02:32:38.000 Yep, or if you go like, alright mom, like one time.

02:32:40.000 That's not what I mean.

02:32:41.000 I mean, like, how do you even know if they're mad at you?

02:32:43.000 You're not around them.

02:32:44.000 Oh, no, not if you're not on Rumspringer.

02:32:46.000 Like, that's a big thing in the Amish community.

02:32:48.000 Right, but what I'm saying is, how do they know the parents are mad if they're out running around because the parents don't have phones?

02:32:53.000 No, they don't.

02:32:54.000 So they can't call you.

02:32:55.000 Pure Rumspringer.

02:32:56.000 He's saying when you get back, if you fuck up within the community, you will get shunned.

02:33:01.000 Yeah, everyone will stop talking to you.

02:33:03.000 It's like a punishment they do.

02:33:04.000 For how long?

02:33:05.000 I don't know.

02:33:06.000 I think they'll do it for a while.

02:33:07.000 You'll come and be like, hey mom, and she'll just go turn her back.

02:33:11.000 Hey dad, hey Paul.

02:33:12.000 Hey Paul, he'll go.

02:33:13.000 Hardcore.

02:33:14.000 I like that though.

02:33:15.000 Then I'd go to my room and fucking fap, dude.

02:33:18.000 Just whack off.

02:33:19.000 I'd take off my Huckleberry Finn pants and be like, nice.

02:33:21.000 But you have to do it to memory.

02:33:23.000 True, but I mean.

02:33:24.000 You have to fap only to memory.

02:33:25.000 I mean, you probably got some rich databanks, dude.

02:33:28.000 They probably have some drawings they can show you.

02:33:30.000 I bet those dudes, dude, it doesn't matter how religious you are.

02:33:34.000 If you're a young boy trying to whack off, you're getting your hands on something.

02:33:37.000 Those boys got a hold of some porn, dude.

02:33:39.000 Who's ever gone the longest in the 20th century jacking off just on memory?

02:33:44.000 Dude, I haven't watched porn since August.

02:33:47.000 That's not that long.

02:33:48.000 That's pretty fucking long, dude.

02:33:49.000 You do it, dude.

02:33:53.000 That's not that long.

02:33:53.000 People do that accidentally, dude.

02:33:55.000 What?

02:33:55.000 That's normal.

02:33:56.000 I was having dreams about it.

02:33:58.000 You're having dreams about porn?

02:33:59.000 Yeah, when I first stopped, dude, I was having dreams about porn.

02:34:02.000 Dude, it was hard.

02:34:03.000 That was tough for me to stop doing.

02:34:05.000 What made you want to stop porn?

02:34:07.000 Thought about getting caught because I've gotten caught before by my wife, which you know, whatever fair game But like I thought about getting caught by my kids.

02:34:15.000 I'm like, I'm definitely gonna get caught and I went I'm stopping this now Yeah, yeah, you're stopping now guy when you see a problem stopping now with drug dealings stopping now from jerking off Yeah, I'm still fat.

02:34:25.000 What about when you go to a hotel room though, bro?

02:34:27.000 See that's the thing, bro When we're done this...

02:34:30.000 That's the thing.

02:34:32.000 But then do you bust out the porn?

02:34:34.000 No, then I wanted to so badly today.

02:34:35.000 That's the final frontier.

02:34:37.000 Not looking at the porn in the hotel room is tough.

02:34:39.000 It's impossible.

02:34:40.000 Only I'll know, but I can't.

02:34:42.000 I can't do it.

02:34:43.000 That's the first...

02:34:44.000 If I do it, I'll tell people.

02:34:45.000 That's the thing, though.

02:34:46.000 But you can't get caught.

02:34:47.000 You said your worry was that you were going to get caught.

02:34:48.000 Yeah, but also I've been a big hardo about being like, I quit porn.

02:34:51.000 I've said it in public, so now if I go back on it, I'm going to get crushed.

02:34:54.000 You're a prisoner to your statements.

02:34:57.000 Yeah, but also, it's not bad.

02:34:59.000 Once you stop, it is easy.

02:35:01.000 You're like, oh yeah, I don't need it.

02:35:02.000 I don't need to do that.

02:35:03.000 Sounds like a guy who needs it.

02:35:04.000 I think it does.

02:35:06.000 He keeps talking to me about this, and every time I'm like, who cares?

02:35:10.000 It's a mental challenge, dude.

02:35:11.000 I genuinely don't think about it or care about it.

02:35:16.000 Some dudes get addicted to it.

02:35:17.000 Yeah, but I live with my girlfriend.

02:35:18.000 I don't watch porn when we're together.

02:35:20.000 I was home the last two weeks.

02:35:22.000 I didn't whack off once to porn.

02:35:23.000 I've been known to slink off, dude.

02:35:24.000 As soon as I got to this hotel in Austin.

02:35:28.000 Yeah.

02:35:28.000 It was time.

02:35:31.000 You forget how good porn is, dude.

02:35:33.000 You look at it, you're like, yo!

02:35:35.000 What is she?

02:35:36.000 She got stuck.

02:35:37.000 There's eight of them that hurt?

02:35:39.000 She's stuck in the dryer.

02:35:40.000 That shit rules.

02:35:41.000 You forget, dude.

02:35:41.000 How many girls get stuck under the bed looking for an earring?

02:35:44.000 Dude, it's not a moral grandstand.

02:35:46.000 It's just I want to build my willpower.

02:35:48.000 My willpower is weak.

02:35:49.000 No, it's not, dude.

02:35:50.000 It's weak, dude.

02:35:50.000 You got nice willpower.

02:35:52.000 But you quit selling drugs and you quit watching porn.

02:35:55.000 You have good willpower.

02:35:56.000 You have great willpower.

02:35:57.000 It took a while.

02:35:58.000 And also, it took some bad events.

02:36:01.000 Yeah, but you did quit.

02:36:03.000 That's what willpower is about.

02:36:04.000 Also, he's discussed what type of porn he's into.

02:36:08.000 What kind?

02:36:09.000 I was just into everything, brother.

02:36:10.000 I went down some dark alleys.

02:36:11.000 What's the darkest?

02:36:12.000 The T's, brother.

02:36:13.000 The T's.

02:36:14.000 The T's?

02:36:15.000 The T's, brother.

02:36:16.000 The fucking T-100s.

02:36:17.000 T-100s?

02:36:19.000 What's that?

02:36:19.000 What are you talking about?

02:36:20.000 The T's.

02:36:20.000 What's the Terminator?

02:36:21.000 T-1000?

02:36:21.000 Yeah.

02:36:22.000 He ran into some T-1000s.

02:36:23.000 The boys and the girls.

02:36:24.000 When the boys become girls.

02:36:26.000 When the boys become girls and the boys...

02:36:27.000 Oh, the T's.

02:36:28.000 Trans.

02:36:29.000 He liked the T's.

02:36:30.000 That could be an issue.

02:36:32.000 He didn't like it.

02:36:33.000 Joe, I'll tell you, it is.

02:36:34.000 You don't want to get caught with that stuff.

02:36:35.000 Well, here's the thing.

02:36:36.000 It's just a ramping up of, like, talking about supernormal stimuli, dude.

02:36:40.000 That's why I'm so passionate about that.

02:36:41.000 It's like, your brain, you need, like, the edge.

02:36:44.000 This was my problem with it.

02:36:45.000 I didn't have a drug problem.

02:36:45.000 I could never, like, stop drugs or whatever.

02:36:47.000 But then it's like, you get the blood flowing on sex stuff.

02:36:49.000 It's like, that's not getting it flowing.

02:36:51.000 You go to, like, something a little bit more kind of out there.

02:36:54.000 And then you finally, you land on those shores and you go, my God.

02:36:58.000 My God, where have I gone?

02:37:00.000 Try to assemble the raft, it's all fucked up.

02:37:02.000 One of our first episodes is he's explaining, he watches it, and I was like, what the fuck?

02:37:08.000 And then he was like, give it a shot.

02:37:09.000 So I was like, I'm open-minded.

02:37:10.000 I tried to whack off the T-Porn.

02:37:12.000 I opened it.

02:37:13.000 First things first, I'm watching a dude, like you can see his clavicles while he's fucking, or her.

02:37:18.000 You know what I mean?

02:37:19.000 I could see the clavicle.

02:37:20.000 I was just like, ew, dude.

02:37:22.000 I turned it off immediately.

02:37:22.000 I can't believe how you're into that.

02:37:24.000 I have a strong imagination.

02:37:25.000 That's disgusting.

02:37:26.000 I have a strong imagination.

02:37:27.000 No, I'm honest though, dude.

02:37:29.000 I was like, this is fucked up.

02:37:29.000 I saw one fucking dude on top with tits, but you could still see the clavicle and the Adam's apple, and I was like...

02:37:35.000 You sought that out, dude.

02:37:36.000 You sought that out.

02:37:37.000 I don't know which ones to search.

02:37:38.000 I know, I'm fucking around.

02:37:40.000 But, I will say, dude, I'm telling you, it's a silent epidemic, dude.

02:37:43.000 I'm not projecting this onto the masses.

02:37:44.000 It's a silent epidemic?

02:37:45.000 I believe so.

02:37:45.000 Dude's into T's?

02:37:46.000 Yes.

02:37:47.000 I truly believe so.

02:37:49.000 I truly believe so.

02:37:50.000 Actually, no, if you read the book, what is it, fucking A Billion Wicked Lies, A Billion Wicked Thoughts, where they crunch the fucking metadata from the internet, and it's like, it's due with numbers, dude.

02:38:01.000 Someone's crunching the metadata on trans porn?

02:38:03.000 On all porn.

02:38:04.000 All porn.

02:38:04.000 Dude.

02:38:07.000 That sounds like one of those Pfizer studies.

02:38:09.000 They try to find the right result.

02:38:11.000 Matt, stop acting serious right now.

02:38:15.000 Matt, what are you doing?

02:38:16.000 You're pretending to be serious about this.

02:38:18.000 He's crunching metadata with a pen in his hand.

02:38:20.000 He's got a pen in his hand and he's fucking hovering it over the paper.

02:38:23.000 He's talking about metadata.

02:38:25.000 He's waited so long to be on this show.

02:38:27.000 And now he's here and he's like, I'm telling you, they crunched numbers on T-Porn.

02:38:32.000 We didn't have to bring this up!

02:38:36.000 I like it, dude.

02:38:37.000 It is good.

02:38:38.000 It's a jolt of electricity.

02:38:39.000 Dude, it's your fucking sexuality at stake, and I'm fucking hetero as hell.

02:38:43.000 I get it, bro.

02:38:44.000 But it's like, bro, I got it.

02:38:47.000 I believe you.

02:38:47.000 Thank you.

02:38:47.000 I know a lot of people listening are not going to believe you.

02:38:49.000 I need to hear that from you right now, jokes.

02:38:51.000 I'm in a dark place about that.

02:38:53.000 Bro, how nice would it be to get back to the hotel and just T-porn it up?

02:38:58.000 No, I'm telling you, I'm not making it up.

02:39:00.000 You go off of it, you kind of de-escalate the fucking dopaminergic drive towards more and more of crazy...

02:39:06.000 And then you go...

02:39:07.000 Yeah, I'm cool on that.

02:39:08.000 No shit.

02:39:09.000 That's what everyone does.

02:39:10.000 They look at it and go, whoa, no.

02:39:11.000 You can just go to a karma-free stepmom type porn where you got a 45-year-old lady.

02:39:18.000 She's banging a 20-year-old college student.

02:39:21.000 The college student's in town.

02:39:24.000 Dad goes to work.

02:39:26.000 Oh, my neck hurts.

02:39:27.000 Could you give me a massage?

02:39:28.000 The coolest shit possible?

02:39:29.000 The 20-year-old kid doesn't want to do it.

02:39:31.000 He's kind of fucked up.

02:39:32.000 My dad would be upset.

02:39:33.000 He doesn't have to know.

02:39:35.000 Can you rub my lower back?

02:39:37.000 Yeah.

02:39:37.000 Yo.

02:39:38.000 You know that hot 45-year-old who your dad isn't fucking anyway.

02:39:42.000 That's what she says.

02:39:43.000 She says he never fucks me.

02:39:44.000 See, isn't that better?

02:39:44.000 So much bigger than him.

02:39:45.000 It's so much better, but I'm saying when you, like, some guys can't drink.

02:39:48.000 You're so much bigger than him.

02:39:49.000 It's so much better.

02:39:51.000 Some guys, some guys can't drink.

02:39:53.000 Some guys can't drink because they stay out on like, I can't, dude.

02:39:57.000 I just fucking.

02:39:57.000 You couldn't do one bump.

02:39:58.000 When we were talking to William Montgomery, we were talking to William Montgomery in the green room last night, and William Montgomery's been off of coke and booze for quite a long time, and they showed a picture of him when he was fat and drunk, and I was like, one bump of coke.

02:40:11.000 How bad would it hurt you?

02:40:13.000 I go, maybe you should get back a little bit.

02:40:15.000 Every now and again.

02:40:17.000 And you can see, like, look at his face, like, am I kidding?

02:40:19.000 Don't do it!

02:40:19.000 I'm like, don't do it.

02:40:21.000 You're doing great.

02:40:21.000 You guys have the same playbook.

02:40:22.000 You guys have the same playbook.

02:40:23.000 That's my favorite thing to watch.

02:40:24.000 You go, come on, man.

02:40:25.000 You'd be all right.

02:40:26.000 It's the funniest shit.

02:40:27.000 It's actually something I've got to stop doing.

02:40:29.000 It's pretty funny, though.

02:40:30.000 Why?

02:40:30.000 Have you ever talked to anybody into doing something dark?

02:40:32.000 Every single time Adam Egett comes out with me, me and him get fucked up.

02:40:37.000 He's trying to not drink.

02:40:38.000 And he's like, I don't want to relapse.

02:40:39.000 I'm like, dude, stop saying relapse.

02:40:41.000 You drink.

02:40:43.000 Every time.

02:40:43.000 He's like, I don't want to relapse.

02:40:45.000 I'm like, what are you talking about?

02:40:46.000 When he's in the green room, we always offer him a drink.

02:40:48.000 He's like, no, no, no.

02:40:50.000 Oh, I forgot to tell you.

02:40:51.000 This is what he did yesterday.

02:40:52.000 It was Adam Eget's birthday.

02:40:54.000 And he spent the day, I texted him earlier, and he was playing Madden, and he was winning 150 to nothing.

02:41:01.000 What?

02:41:02.000 He was running the score up on the computer on the easiest level.

02:41:05.000 God.

02:41:05.000 Just to be a winner on his birthday?

02:41:07.000 On his birthday.

02:41:08.000 I mean, it was the weirdest, kind of the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard.

02:41:11.000 He's a great guy.

02:41:12.000 He's the man, but he told me it was his birthday.

02:41:15.000 Dude.

02:41:16.000 And he was literally at his house, in his apartment, playing Madden on the easiest level, running up the score.

02:41:24.000 We needed him.

02:41:24.000 Against the computer.

02:41:25.000 When I first started talking about doing a club out here, he was the first guy I called.

02:41:29.000 He's the best.

02:41:30.000 I didn't call anybody else.

02:41:31.000 He was the first guy I called.

02:41:32.000 Yeah, he's a man.

02:41:33.000 I called him, I said, I got a plan.

02:41:35.000 As soon as I escaped LA, I was like, hey Adam, what are you doing?

02:41:40.000 I'm like, I got a plan.

02:41:41.000 He's the best.

02:41:42.000 Oh, what, Joe?

02:41:44.000 He talks like Norm.

02:41:45.000 He's got a little Norm.

02:41:47.000 He's very nice.

02:41:48.000 Such a nice dude, too, man.

02:41:49.000 He's the best.

02:41:49.000 I've known that dude forever.

02:41:50.000 He was one of the reasons why I went back to the store in the first place.

02:41:54.000 I knew him from the Tempe Improv.

02:41:56.000 He used to work at the Tempe Improv back in the day when I would roll through, and then he showed up one day at the Improv and had a conversation.

02:42:02.000 Come back to the store.

02:42:04.000 He is the fucking man.

02:42:05.000 I love that.

02:42:06.000 I'm like, you're there now?

02:42:07.000 I go, you're there now.

02:42:09.000 Huh.

02:42:10.000 He's like, it's different now.

02:42:11.000 Come back.

02:42:13.000 He's so funny.

02:42:13.000 He's funny, too.

02:42:14.000 He's got a great eye for comedy.

02:42:16.000 He's going to be an amazing creative director.

02:42:20.000 He'll know the good guys that have potential.

02:42:22.000 He'll know what they're doing wrong.

02:42:24.000 He'll be able to get them good spots and help them figure it out.

02:42:28.000 We could have a great crop of people here.

02:42:30.000 We've got a great crop of young guys.

02:42:32.000 I never considered really moving down here until I just got my taxes.

02:42:38.000 I was instantly like, dude, Austin rules.

02:42:43.000 For real.

02:42:44.000 I was like, dude, I'm not moving.

02:42:45.000 I love New York.

02:42:47.000 One season of actually making money.

02:42:49.000 One year of making money.

02:42:51.000 I was like, what the fuck?

02:42:52.000 You can always visit New York.

02:42:54.000 I know.

02:42:54.000 Yeah, that's what I like to do.

02:42:56.000 I like to go to New York, hang out there for a few days, go to the restaurants, do some shows, get the fuck out.

02:43:02.000 Yeah.

02:43:02.000 I never lived in the city, though.

02:43:04.000 I actually truly haven't either.

02:43:06.000 I live in Queens and I'm never home.

02:43:08.000 I do the road everywhere.

02:43:10.000 I lived in New Rochelle because I needed a parking spot because I did the road so much.

02:43:13.000 I always had a car, so I needed a car.

02:43:16.000 I couldn't afford to live in the city and also afford a parking spot.

02:43:22.000 Hundreds of bucks a month.

02:43:23.000 Yeah, I just have an apartment in New York where I play video games three days of the week.

02:43:27.000 Nice.

02:43:28.000 That's it.

02:43:29.000 Other than that, I'm on the road or doing shows at night.

02:43:32.000 If I'm home, I'm like, I'm just going to hang out.

02:43:34.000 Queens, huh?

02:43:35.000 Yeah.

02:43:35.000 How do you get in?

02:43:37.000 To the city?

02:43:37.000 I Uber.

02:43:39.000 Really?

02:43:39.000 Now, yeah.

02:43:40.000 You don't take a train?

02:43:42.000 I used to, but it's like 45 minutes an hour.

02:43:45.000 Oh.

02:43:45.000 How long's the Uber?

02:43:47.000 25 minutes.

02:43:48.000 Ah.

02:43:49.000 How weird conversations do you have?

02:43:51.000 Never.

02:43:52.000 Headphones.

02:43:54.000 Also, they're New York Uber drivers.

02:43:57.000 They're not down to talk.

02:43:59.000 They're not talking.

02:43:59.000 I remember when they were so mad that Uber showed up.

02:44:02.000 The cab drivers were so fucking mad.

02:44:04.000 And now all you see is Uber.

02:44:06.000 You see so few cabs.

02:44:08.000 The numbers are down.

02:44:10.000 I wonder what the actual numbers are.

02:44:12.000 But the visual numbers.

02:44:13.000 There used to be cabs everywhere.

02:44:15.000 Most of the traffic was cabs.

02:44:17.000 And now you drive around and you're like, what a weird system, right?

02:44:20.000 Like, we'll drive you.

02:44:22.000 Yeah.

02:44:22.000 You don't need to drive.

02:44:23.000 Just get in and tell me where you're going.

02:44:24.000 Yeah, Philly made Uber pay them like $250,000 a year, because they sell, they call them taxi medallions, so you have to buy a license, and the licenses were worth a lot of money.

02:44:34.000 And then once Uber came in, it's like a liquor license, but for driving taxi cabs.

02:44:39.000 Right.

02:44:40.000 And they just plummeted.

02:44:40.000 They're almost worthless now.

02:44:42.000 Wow.

02:44:43.000 So then the Philadelphia Parking Authority owns the cabs, and they're like, you gotta pay $250,000.

02:44:46.000 You don't like them, do you?

02:44:47.000 No.

02:44:48.000 It's fucked up.

02:44:49.000 Uber?

02:44:49.000 No, no, no.

02:44:50.000 Uber's fine.

02:44:50.000 Philadelphia Parking Authority.

02:44:51.000 PPA. Dude, we have a fucked up thing going on there.

02:44:55.000 What's going on?

02:44:55.000 They'll just- if you get parking tickets, they'll just come snag your car.

02:44:58.000 And like the parking t- they double in value- it's really fucked up.

02:45:01.000 Then they just sell your car.

02:45:02.000 What?

02:45:02.000 And then they charge you money.

02:45:04.000 I've gotten like two cars taken.

02:45:05.000 What?

02:45:06.000 Fucking- They're like $500 cars.

02:45:10.000 $500 cars.

02:45:10.000 They would take them and I'd just go, fuck you guys.

02:45:13.000 One time I went back, because you had to write like, you could go get your valuables out of your car before they sold it at auction.

02:45:18.000 So I went back and you had to fill out a piece of paper of what was in there and I put like a giant dildo.

02:45:22.000 And I put all this stuff and they had to take it back to their guy and have it written off on us.

02:45:26.000 Pretty tight.

02:45:27.000 Suck our dicks, PPA. Yeah, fuck you guys.

02:45:29.000 Yeah, but they'll take your shit and just...

02:45:32.000 Repossess it, and then...

02:45:32.000 How many tickets do you have to have before they take your car?

02:45:35.000 Now it's like two or three, dude.

02:45:37.000 What?

02:45:37.000 Yes.

02:45:38.000 So you have a BMW. You got a new BMW. Yes.

02:45:41.000 You get two or three tickets you don't pay, and they put a boot on you, and they take your car.

02:45:44.000 Yes.

02:45:45.000 And then they charge you every day they have it.

02:45:47.000 And then you can go back and basically buy it.

02:45:49.000 You can pay them.

02:45:51.000 They hold it hostage.

02:45:52.000 You can pay them to take the boot off and they won't tow it.

02:45:55.000 But if you're late, they'll tow it.

02:45:57.000 And then you've got to go down to a lot.

02:45:58.000 You've got to call a bunch of people, figure out where your car is.

02:46:01.000 And then you go down there and you pay for them and they give it back to you.

02:46:03.000 Now if you don't pay it back in time, then they sell it off at auction.

02:46:06.000 They get a ton of money doing it.

02:46:07.000 And they can also do a thing where they've taken my dad's car where my brother owed money.

02:46:12.000 Because they had the same name.

02:46:14.000 And they're just like, sorry dude, it is what it is.

02:46:16.000 You've got to pay us and come get your car.

02:46:17.000 Dude, it's criminal.

02:46:19.000 Even if it's not your car?

02:46:22.000 Your kid's car?

02:46:23.000 Yeah, but they both have the same first name, so they're like, oh, it was a mistake, but they're like, you still gotta pay, and it's like, you know, like, fuck it.

02:46:29.000 You still gotta pay even though it's a mistake?

02:46:30.000 You can't, there's nobody you can talk to.

02:46:33.000 It's the Wizard of Oz.

02:46:34.000 You go up to, like, blacked-out glass and just talk to a lady who's just like...

02:46:38.000 $365.

02:46:38.000 Dude, I got my car towed when we were filming Gillian Keyes.

02:46:41.000 I was supposed to be on set.

02:46:42.000 I walked to my car in the morning.

02:46:44.000 Car's gone.

02:46:45.000 Go out there.

02:46:45.000 It is...

02:46:46.000 I had to go to, like, a dock.

02:46:47.000 Yeah, dude.

02:46:48.000 The car was just behind, like, an old warehouse.

02:46:50.000 I had to talk to...

02:46:51.000 Behind the glass, there was just a black lady.

02:46:54.000 I was like, hey, where's my car?

02:46:55.000 She was like, get out!

02:46:56.000 She was, like, screaming at me.

02:46:58.000 It was a battle.

02:46:59.000 It's crazy, man.

02:47:00.000 I thought that story I was going to tell would be better.

02:47:02.000 No, when you go down there, it's like a barbed-wired fucking fence, and you go in, and someone's mean as fuck.

02:47:07.000 It's crazy the way they do it.

02:47:10.000 And then they control all the parking in the city.

02:47:12.000 They're bad.

02:47:14.000 And apparently, from what I've heard, the money doesn't even go to the city of Philadelphia.

02:47:19.000 It actually goes to some GOP. It goes to the state, weirdly, or part of it goes to the state.

02:47:25.000 If you try to look up the PPA, they say it's a quasi-governmental agency.

02:47:28.000 So when you try to follow where their money goes...

02:47:31.000 It's kind of really hard.

02:47:32.000 Should we Google this, or we should just take your way for it?

02:47:33.000 Look it up.

02:47:34.000 Yeah, look it up again.

02:47:36.000 Seems like that one we might want to substantiate.

02:47:37.000 Yeah, true.

02:47:38.000 If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.

02:47:39.000 But fuck them anyway, but...

02:47:40.000 Dude, I've been beefing with the PPA. Fuck the PPA. I've been beefing with the PPA forever.

02:47:45.000 If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, but fuck them anyway.

02:47:46.000 Fuck those guys, dude.

02:47:48.000 Yeah, they are posting these, dude.

02:47:48.000 They took my 88 Camry, dude.

02:47:50.000 Me and my brother bought twin Camrys for a thousand bucks.

02:47:52.000 We bought two 88 Camrys off this old lady, and we were bopping around together.

02:47:55.000 She had two?

02:47:56.000 Why'd she have two?

02:47:57.000 I had no idea.

02:47:58.000 You guys got matching Camrys.

02:48:00.000 Matching cameras, bro.

02:48:01.000 88 cams.

02:48:02.000 We were buzzing around.

02:48:02.000 It was the same old lady that got crushed by Vince McMahon.

02:48:05.000 That was you and your brother.

02:48:08.000 You and your brother powerbombed her.

02:48:10.000 Took your cameras.

02:48:11.000 That fucking lady went down hard, bro.

02:48:13.000 That can't be good.

02:48:14.000 When you get a ticket from the PPA or any of that, when you're fucking, like when we lived together, I had zero dollars.

02:48:20.000 If I got one ticket, I was bankrupt.

02:48:23.000 One ticket.

02:48:24.000 I had zero dollars.

02:48:26.000 I hated them, bro.

02:48:26.000 I know those times.

02:48:27.000 Yeah.

02:48:28.000 By law, all PPA's on-street operations net revenue is allocated to the city's general fund of Philadelphia School District.

02:48:35.000 Wrong.

02:48:36.000 Bullshit.

02:48:37.000 No, it's bullshit.

02:48:37.000 On-street operations revenue is generated from meter payments, permit fees, parking fines, vehicle auction proceeds, and booting and towing fees.

02:48:47.000 They had a thing where they weren't giving the schools money.

02:48:50.000 At least I thought I saw a thing where the schools were like...

02:48:52.000 It says it brings in 265...

02:48:54.000 Go back to that?

02:48:56.000 No, it's bullshit.

02:48:58.000 It's their fucking website.

02:48:59.000 It's their website.

02:49:01.000 264 million dollars a year in annual revenue.

02:49:05.000 Just from Philadelphia from parking tickets.

02:49:09.000 264 million in fucking parking tickets.

02:49:12.000 You tell me that's going to those schools in Philly?

02:49:14.000 Look at the Inquirer.

02:49:14.000 Overpays executives and has too many political...

02:49:17.000 Yeah.

02:49:17.000 Uh-huh.

02:49:18.000 Exactly.

02:49:19.000 Oh, it turns out the PPA's website might not be telling the total fucking story.

02:49:22.000 Hmm.

02:49:22.000 Let's see what it says.

02:49:23.000 Fuck the PPA, Matt.

02:49:24.000 Fuck.

02:49:25.000 I can't stand him.

02:49:29.000 If someone takes your 88 Camry, dude, you'll be fucking salty.

02:49:31.000 Yeah, you're never gonna let it go.

02:49:33.000 You're gonna wait till you get on the highest platform on earth and go, fucking pieces of shit.

02:49:38.000 Well, when you get incentivized to have that much revenue coming in every year, what if nobody parked bad ever again?

02:49:44.000 What if everybody did the right thing, everybody paid the meter, and all that $264 million dried up?

02:49:49.000 What the fuck do they do now?

02:49:51.000 That's the problem.

02:49:52.000 There's an incentive to catch people.

02:49:55.000 I can't even read those signs.

02:49:56.000 Anytime I try to park, it's like Monday through Friday, 8 to 6, trash.

02:49:59.000 They go over those things with fucking 1,000 grits.

02:50:01.000 And they also will get you for inspection.

02:50:04.000 If your inspection's up, they'll take you every single day.

02:50:06.000 Really?

02:50:07.000 Yes.

02:50:09.000 Wow.

02:50:09.000 Motherfuckers, bro.

02:50:10.000 Yeah.

02:50:10.000 But they had a problem.

02:50:12.000 One time, there was a gap in what they were supposed to pay the schools, and they had to be like, oh.

02:50:16.000 So what does it say here?

02:50:18.000 2007, Parents United, a Philadelphia parent group that fights for school reforms, successfully sued the PPA for failing to pay the city and school district under its 2004 obligations.

02:50:27.000 During these years, the PPA was technically in breach of its agreement with the state and greedily withheld money that it owed.

02:50:35.000 Greedy PPA, dude.

02:50:36.000 I like how it says greedily.

02:50:39.000 Yeah.

02:50:40.000 It's pretty, yeah.

02:50:43.000 But either way, I mean, I'll stop talking about that.

02:50:45.000 No, I like it.

02:50:46.000 It's alright, dude.

02:50:46.000 I like when people are mad.

02:50:48.000 Yeah, it's pretty funny.

02:50:49.000 It's fun.

02:50:49.000 Especially when he gets parking tickets.

02:50:51.000 Well, it is a fucking gross thing when you're poor.

02:50:54.000 Yeah.

02:50:55.000 You can't even just leave your car somewhere.

02:50:57.000 This guy followed me to Sheetz in my Corolla.

02:51:00.000 And he got me.

02:51:02.000 He's at the gas station.

02:51:03.000 He stayed and ran my plate just because I was driving a poor person car.

02:51:07.000 And he followed me out of the gas station and then pulled me over.

02:51:10.000 It was like, your registration's expired.

02:51:11.000 All this stuff's expired.

02:51:12.000 And I was like looking at it.

02:51:14.000 It was me and I was with a dog.

02:51:16.000 A dog was shotgun.

02:51:18.000 And I was like, this ruins me.

02:51:20.000 Literally, I have zero dollars.

02:51:21.000 You give me a $180 ticket, I'm fucked.

02:51:25.000 I mean, I was kind of like, are you serious?

02:51:27.000 Are you serious about this?

02:51:28.000 Like, I'll go get it, please.

02:51:30.000 It was my inspection.

02:51:31.000 He was like, nah.

02:51:32.000 He was young, too.

02:51:34.000 He was like my age.

02:51:35.000 That's what their job is, though.

02:51:36.000 No, I know.

02:51:36.000 I wasn't mad at him.

02:51:37.000 I mean, I was mad at him just because I had zero dollars.

02:51:40.000 What's fucked is they have quotas.

02:51:42.000 Yeah.

02:51:43.000 And cops have quotas for pulling people over in certain places.

02:51:46.000 And it's kind of like unspoken.

02:51:47.000 It's not like written on paper in some places because it's not technically legal.

02:51:51.000 But I've talked to a lot of cops.

02:51:53.000 You have to make a certain amount of revenue.

02:51:55.000 You're basically a glorified revenue collector.

02:51:58.000 Yeah.

02:51:59.000 Pulling people over and making money for the state.

02:52:01.000 You're not stopping any fucking real crimes doing that.

02:52:05.000 No, it's fucked up.

02:52:05.000 And they call it activity.

02:52:06.000 They'll be like, you're low in activity.

02:52:08.000 We need some...

02:52:11.000 Yeah, it's fucked up.

02:52:12.000 What if everybody followed the rules?

02:52:14.000 Imagine that.

02:52:15.000 What if?

02:52:16.000 I mean, would they still keep cops around like they have a fireman?

02:52:19.000 Like if there's no...

02:52:20.000 For sure, dude.

02:52:20.000 They have to have a fireman.

02:52:22.000 You know, because fire can break out.

02:52:24.000 You might not have a fire for five years.

02:52:25.000 What are you going to do?

02:52:26.000 Disband the fire department?

02:52:27.000 Yeah.

02:52:28.000 Yeah, they'll be here.

02:52:29.000 And you need them, but yeah, the speed trap stuff.

02:52:32.000 Of course.

02:52:33.000 I like the bros.

02:52:34.000 I do.

02:52:35.000 Obviously, we support the blue.

02:52:36.000 Yeah, I've come around on those guys.

02:52:38.000 I like them, man.

02:52:39.000 Almost now, I'm looking forward to getting pulled over just so I can talk shop with them and be like, guys...

02:52:43.000 I mean, now that I can afford a ticket, you got me.

02:52:46.000 Good stuff.

02:52:47.000 I love what you guys are doing.

02:52:48.000 I was just trying to get your attention.

02:52:49.000 You know what's fucked?

02:52:50.000 Those cameras where they were catching people, running red lights, and giving them tickets, and it turns out the money wasn't even, it was like a privately owned company.

02:52:58.000 Oh, really?

02:52:58.000 Yeah.

02:52:59.000 Those were not real tickets.

02:53:00.000 It's like the PPA. PPA owns that, too, by the way.

02:53:02.000 But that got overturned.

02:53:05.000 They can't do that anymore.

02:53:06.000 They were shortening the yellow lights.

02:53:08.000 Were they really?

02:53:09.000 Yes.

02:53:09.000 New Jersey got busted for shortening the yellow lights and snagging people at those things.

02:53:13.000 What?

02:53:13.000 By how much?

02:53:14.000 Like a second or something.

02:53:15.000 It was enough to snag you.

02:53:16.000 Because, you know, you're like, oh, I got it.

02:53:18.000 Yeah, you got enough time.

02:53:19.000 Man, what's worse than when you're driving and you see a flash?

02:53:22.000 I didn't even know they were doing it.

02:53:24.000 In Maryland, they do it a ton, where the speed limits are checked by speed cameras.

02:53:28.000 I'd be driving to shows, open mics and shit, again, to zero dollars.

02:53:31.000 I'd be driving, dude, a flash would be in the car.

02:53:34.000 I'd be like, shit!

02:53:36.000 Shit, dude!

02:53:38.000 Back then, it goes to your parents' address, dude.

02:53:40.000 It's going to my mom's car.

02:53:44.000 You know they got you.

02:53:46.000 God, that fucking sucks.

02:53:48.000 It's funny how many different scams there are to extract money from people.

02:53:52.000 Oh, yeah.

02:53:53.000 Because that's one of them.

02:53:54.000 You want revenue for the city?

02:53:55.000 Extract money from people.

02:53:57.000 Yeah, you need it.

02:53:58.000 Yeah.

02:53:58.000 It's fucked up.

02:53:59.000 It's very fucked up.

02:54:00.000 Especially stuff like that.

02:54:01.000 They brutalize trucks, too, man.

02:54:03.000 Trucks get killed.

02:54:05.000 Oh, yeah?

02:54:05.000 The highway patrol just sits there all day, and they'll be like, there's like, your chain is this way, and they're like $15,000.

02:54:11.000 They crush trucks.

02:54:15.000 This is a boomer pod now.

02:54:17.000 This is an absolute boomer pod.

02:54:19.000 You want to know about road scams?

02:54:21.000 Here we are.

02:54:23.000 You know what my favorite is?

02:54:23.000 It's just runaway truck ramps.

02:54:25.000 Those make me so happy, dude.

02:54:27.000 I just love imagining the dude who...

02:54:30.000 When you go up to Penn State, it's through the mountains and there's just runaway ramps.

02:54:35.000 Because sometimes trucks have no brakes.

02:54:37.000 And it's so funny thinking of a dude just having to hit one.

02:54:40.000 The guy just driving and being like...

02:54:43.000 Because when you're going down a steep hill, sometimes you just go, look how beautiful that is.

02:54:48.000 Yeah, that's pretty nice.

02:54:49.000 Where is that?

02:54:52.000 Is that Bud Light, bro?

02:54:53.000 Is that BLs?

02:54:54.000 It might be.

02:54:56.000 Up the ramp?

02:54:56.000 It's not a Bud Light truck.

02:54:58.000 It's not refrigerated either.

02:54:59.000 Maybe it's stolen Bud Light.

02:55:04.000 It's like bricks.

02:55:06.000 It's like blue bricks or some shit.

02:55:09.000 There's videos.

02:55:10.000 Yes, please.

02:55:11.000 Runaway trucks is...

02:55:12.000 I just like thinking of the guy who's like half asleep.

02:55:14.000 Here comes one.

02:55:15.000 Flying up a hill.

02:55:17.000 Here we go.

02:55:17.000 Oh, you see the guy's...

02:55:19.000 He's slamming on the brakes.

02:55:23.000 Oh, he's gonna go up it.

02:55:24.000 Oh, you gotta hit that thing?

02:55:25.000 That sucks.

02:55:26.000 Come on, brother.

02:55:27.000 What's all the smoke coming off the back of his?

02:55:29.000 Him jamming his brakes, probably.

02:55:32.000 Wow!

02:55:34.000 How do you know, Jamie?

02:55:36.000 Jamie's like, yeah, pussy, just keep going.

02:55:39.000 Get my fucking package from my house.

02:55:43.000 Jamie's got trucker blood.

02:55:45.000 I ordered those AirPods, pussy.

02:55:47.000 He's gotta hit this ramp.

02:55:48.000 Here we go.

02:55:49.000 Oh my god, look, he's going up this ramp.

02:55:52.000 Come on, brother.

02:55:52.000 What happens when he comes back down?

02:55:55.000 Yeah, what is the smoke coming out of the back?

02:55:56.000 Oh, it's his brakes, dude.

02:55:57.000 He's going the whole way up.

02:55:58.000 That can't be his brakes.

02:55:59.000 What?

02:55:59.000 No, that's not his brakes.

02:56:01.000 That seems like his truck is dying.

02:56:04.000 Oh, yeah, maybe.

02:56:05.000 He doesn't make it all the way to the slammer at the end of it.

02:56:09.000 I mean, still, I can't believe he made it that high.

02:56:11.000 If he jammed his brakes, it would probably jack down.

02:56:13.000 I can't believe he made it that high.

02:56:14.000 That's pretty nuts.

02:56:15.000 That's like that snow tubing at the bottom, like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

02:56:18.000 I watched a 3,000 horsepower engine explode.

02:56:23.000 Go to Richard Rawlings Instagram.

02:56:26.000 Go to Richard Rawlings from Fast and Loud.

02:56:29.000 You know that show?

02:56:31.000 Uh-uh.

02:56:31.000 He's a fun car guy from Fast and Loud, that show.

02:56:37.000 There we go.

02:56:40.000 There we go.

02:56:42.000 Yeah, that thing is just smoking.

02:56:43.000 What is happening to that thing?

02:56:45.000 Is that his brakes?

02:56:46.000 I would guess.

02:56:47.000 That kind of seems like brakes in that situation.

02:56:50.000 Because this guy just can't slow down.

02:56:52.000 That's got to be terrifying.

02:56:54.000 I mean, it's so much weight, dude.

02:56:55.000 That sucks.

02:56:55.000 Oh my god.

02:56:56.000 Can you imagine being a fucking dude behind the wheel of something that weighs?

02:57:00.000 Like, what does it weigh?

02:57:02.000 Hundreds of thousands of pounds.

02:57:03.000 That's what I mean, though.

02:57:04.000 Like, an hour, like, seven of driving.

02:57:07.000 Like, all day, you're just chilling.

02:57:08.000 Oh, look, it tipped over.

02:57:09.000 Oh, shit.

02:57:13.000 Yeah, dude, even just driving, like, a truck with a trailer of, like, lawnmowers on the back, you try to stop that thing at, like, 60 miles an hour, it just doesn't stop.

02:57:19.000 Go to Richard Rawlings' Instagram page, and he's got a reel up of this dude who's revving up this truck engine, this gigantic souped-up truck engine, and it fucking blows up like it got hit by a missile.

02:57:32.000 It's wild.

02:57:33.000 Jesus.

02:57:33.000 Because it's a 3,000 horsepower souped-up engine, and they're like, wow!

02:57:39.000 And then, boom!

02:57:41.000 There he is.

02:57:45.000 Fuck, where is it?

02:57:47.000 You go to his reels?

02:57:49.000 That's a nice pick.

02:57:52.000 Damn, dude.

02:57:54.000 I think that's it, that one right there.

02:57:56.000 This was not...

02:57:58.000 Nope, that's not it.

02:57:59.000 Maybe someone took it down.

02:58:02.000 No, did they take it down?

02:58:04.000 That looks like it.

02:58:05.000 Where?

02:58:05.000 No, you just see the truck.

02:58:07.000 No, you just see the truck.

02:58:09.000 Oh, there it is.

02:58:09.000 There's a fucking thing on fire.

02:58:11.000 That's just an engine.

02:58:11.000 Oh, okay.

02:58:12.000 No, that's not it.

02:58:13.000 It was way worse than that.

02:58:15.000 Let's see if I can find it.

02:58:16.000 I can find it, Jamie, and I'll send it to you.

02:58:17.000 Well, whatever this guy's doing.

02:58:20.000 Also, what happened, I guess I could just look for it, too.

02:58:22.000 You said a truck explosion or something?

02:58:24.000 Yeah.

02:58:24.000 Truck burnout explosion?

02:58:26.000 I'm such a pussy.

02:58:27.000 I don't know anything about cars.

02:58:28.000 I don't know anything about anything, dude.

02:58:29.000 I really don't.

02:58:30.000 That really blows.

02:58:31.000 Tell you what, though.

02:58:32.000 I know about crunching the metadata.

02:58:34.000 Crunching the metadata on C4? That's interesting.

02:58:35.000 I don't know.

02:58:36.000 That's not it.

02:58:37.000 Here we go.

02:58:39.000 No, this is way worse.

02:58:42.000 That's crazy.

02:58:43.000 Maybe...

02:58:43.000 was it his YouTube?

02:58:45.000 Does Rawlings have a YouTube?

02:58:47.000 Did he put it on there?

02:58:48.000 I don't know, but I don't...

02:58:49.000 See that there?

02:58:50.000 Because maybe they removed it for some reason.

02:58:52.000 Because maybe someone died.

02:58:53.000 Oh, shit.

02:58:54.000 Because it looked like people died.

02:58:56.000 Oh, that's not good.

02:58:58.000 It looks like people died.

02:59:00.000 What?

02:59:01.000 It looked like easily someone could have died.

02:59:05.000 Oh, man.

02:59:06.000 You ever see those fucking speedboats?

02:59:08.000 Click on videos instead of home.

02:59:11.000 Now click on shorts.

02:59:13.000 Click on shorts.

02:59:15.000 Nope.

02:59:16.000 I don't see it.

02:59:17.000 So, uh, Google 3,000 horsepower truck engine explodes.

02:59:23.000 See if we can find that.

02:59:24.000 Fuck, I should have saved it.

02:59:25.000 I was gonna repost it, but it might have been that somebody died.

02:59:29.000 Yeah, they might have taken it down.

02:59:30.000 Fucking wild.

02:59:32.000 Wild.

02:59:33.000 They're just revving it?

02:59:37.000 I mean, giant fireball.

02:59:40.000 This dude dies out of the front seat.

02:59:42.000 I don't know what it was.

02:59:43.000 There's a bunch of people hanging around.

02:59:44.000 This just seems like a famous video that happened like a couple years ago.

02:59:49.000 Yikes.

02:59:50.000 Isn't it funny that like 2000...

02:59:51.000 Oh, boy.

02:59:52.000 Yeah, that's it.

02:59:52.000 That's exactly it.

02:59:53.000 That's it right here.

02:59:54.000 So they're revving this up.

02:59:55.000 Oh, my God.

02:59:57.000 Bro.

02:59:58.000 Get some volume, though, because you've got to hear it because it's fucking bananas.

03:00:01.000 That other kit, and that's when it let loose.

03:00:04.000 And that's when all hell broke loose.

03:00:11.000 Oh no!

03:00:13.000 Look at that dude bail out of the front.

03:00:21.000 Wait, that's Monster Energy drinks.

03:00:23.000 3,000 horsepower dyno explosion.

03:00:27.000 So they were testing the horsepower on a dyno and the fucking engine blew.

03:00:32.000 Bro.

03:00:33.000 Jamie, add a comment.

03:00:34.000 Sick.

03:00:35.000 From the Joe Rogan experience.

03:00:39.000 Sick.

03:00:39.000 Sweet.

03:00:41.000 That guy had gauge earrings.

03:00:46.000 He was just in there.

03:00:49.000 Did you watch any of the Beavis and Butthead, the new Beavis and Butthead?

03:00:52.000 No.

03:00:53.000 Is that supposed to be any good, Jamie?

03:00:55.000 I watched some of it.

03:00:56.000 I haven't watched the TV show.

03:00:57.000 They brought the show back, too.

03:00:58.000 Right.

03:00:58.000 What?

03:00:58.000 I haven't watched those.

03:00:59.000 They brought the show back?

03:01:00.000 Mm-hmm.

03:01:01.000 It's on Paramount Plus, I think.

03:01:02.000 What?

03:01:03.000 How do you think it is?

03:01:04.000 I don't know.

03:01:04.000 I haven't seen TikTok videos and stuff.

03:01:05.000 Stunk it up.

03:01:06.000 I don't know why.

03:01:07.000 If they watch TikTok videos, that could be funny.

03:01:08.000 That's pretty good.

03:01:09.000 I got a feeling they stunk it up too.

03:01:10.000 How many people watch Paramount Plus?

03:01:12.000 Is it 20?

03:01:13.000 Probably.

03:01:14.000 I think P Plus doesn't...

03:01:15.000 Didn't they have South Park?

03:01:16.000 Actually, I watched South Park and I deleted my account.

03:01:18.000 No, they had the South Park special on there.

03:01:19.000 I watched that and then deleted that.

03:01:20.000 Now HBO Max has South Park.

03:01:22.000 Okay, nice.

03:01:23.000 But there's so many streaming platforms, though.

03:01:26.000 Peacock, they have one.

03:01:28.000 NBC has one.

03:01:29.000 Disney has one.

03:01:30.000 Yeah, Disney Plus.

03:01:32.000 Beavis and Butthead.

03:01:33.000 It's old stuff, though.

03:01:34.000 It's all old stuff?

03:01:35.000 Damn, Daria, Celebrity Deathmatch?

03:01:37.000 That shit fucking rule.

03:01:39.000 It's called Mike Judge's Beavis and Butthead.

03:01:40.000 Remember how nice Celebrity Deathmatch was?

03:01:42.000 The best.

03:01:43.000 So this is Paramount Plus original?

03:01:45.000 Mm-hmm.

03:01:46.000 One season, one episode.

03:01:48.000 Give me some of that.

03:01:49.000 I can't watch it here without logged in or anything.

03:01:51.000 Oh, okay.

03:01:53.000 I remember Celebrity Deathmatch, they had one, it was a halftime show.

03:01:57.000 Packers, Broncos, Super Bowl.

03:01:59.000 I was fucking pumped, dude.

03:02:01.000 That was a good show.

03:02:02.000 Yeah.

03:02:03.000 That was a good show.

03:02:03.000 Remember halftime shows?

03:02:05.000 They used to have a lot of, like, In Living Color had a halftime show during the Super Bowl.

03:02:09.000 Really?

03:02:10.000 Yeah.

03:02:11.000 They did a halftime.

03:02:11.000 Every show, like MTV did, we're going to do Celebrity Deathmatch at the halftime.

03:02:16.000 Every channel had a different, like, Super Bowl halftime switch over to us.

03:02:19.000 Yeah.

03:02:20.000 But now I think they're all owned by the same two companies.

03:02:22.000 Well, what a giant mistake by the Super Bowl.

03:02:26.000 How about make the halftime fun?

03:02:27.000 That's what I'm saying.

03:02:28.000 Yeah.

03:02:29.000 How about you have some wild shit?

03:02:31.000 Last year was pretty good.

03:02:31.000 Who was last year's?

03:02:32.000 Dr. Dre.

03:02:33.000 The geezers.

03:02:33.000 Yeah, that was good.

03:02:34.000 The geezers came out.

03:02:35.000 Fat 50 Cent was upside down.

03:02:38.000 This was it.

03:02:39.000 This was the first time that I ever saw In Living Color.

03:02:42.000 I couldn't fucking believe how funny it was.

03:02:44.000 When I saw Jim Carrey and he was doing Fire Marshal Bill, I was like, oh no.

03:02:50.000 Look at that.

03:02:51.000 Just what gives hair putty, Mary.

03:02:53.000 My name is Mindy and I'm busy.

03:02:55.000 Serving drinks to these yahoos during halftime can be lucrative.

03:02:58.000 But it can also put you out for the season.

03:03:03.000 Imagine trying to do that.

03:03:08.000 Alright.

03:03:08.000 Damn.

03:03:09.000 Look at how creepy he looks.

03:03:11.000 Yeah.

03:03:11.000 What's he up to now?

03:03:12.000 He's just Joe Biden on SNL. Was he?

03:03:16.000 Kerry was?

03:03:17.000 Yeah.

03:03:17.000 Really?

03:03:17.000 They fucked that up so bad, dude.

03:03:20.000 They made Trump a giant asshole and then they were like, Biden's Jim Kerry and he's kinda cool.

03:03:24.000 That sucks, man.

03:03:25.000 His character was like, I'm actually cool.

03:03:28.000 God damn it.

03:03:28.000 What do they call him the Dark Brandon or something?

03:03:30.000 Dark Brandon Rises, dude.

03:03:32.000 It's actually pretty funny.

03:03:33.000 Now that it's bothering people, it is funny.

03:03:36.000 Now that it bothers you.

03:03:37.000 They were right.

03:03:38.000 It is funny.

03:03:39.000 It's funny when it bothers you.

03:03:41.000 Yeah, there's certain art and all that stuff that's designed to bother people like me.

03:03:45.000 Yeah.

03:03:46.000 And when it works, I'm like, alright, that actually is funny.

03:03:48.000 Do you think that's what Jimmy Fallon's doing when he does that vaccine dance?

03:03:53.000 XBB.com.

03:03:55.000 Have you seen that?

03:03:56.000 Yeah, that was...

03:03:57.000 What is he doing?

03:03:59.000 That was gut-wrenching.

03:04:00.000 What is he doing?

03:04:01.000 Soul-crushing.

03:04:01.000 I never saw that.

03:04:02.000 Do you think they have, like, a photo of him, like, on an island filled with hookers?

03:04:07.000 No, I think, bro, they just gave him millions.

03:04:10.000 Look at him.

03:04:10.000 Toss him.

03:04:11.000 Oh, my God, dude.

03:04:13.000 But it isn't the same.

03:04:15.000 Sounds more like Elon Musk's kid's name.

03:04:18.000 It's XBB.com.

03:04:33.000 Is this the new strain or something?

03:04:37.000 Damn, what if he started talking about like athletes falling over?

03:04:39.000 Just imagine the pitch meeting.

03:04:42.000 Imagine the pitch meeting.

03:04:44.000 Here's what we want to do.

03:04:45.000 We want to talk about the new pandemic variant, but in a song.

03:04:50.000 And everybody's like, okay, I'm listening.

03:04:55.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

03:04:57.000 That's just, he's not in the meeting.

03:04:58.000 That means he's not in the meeting.

03:05:00.000 Do you think he's just drunk?

03:05:01.000 Maybe.

03:05:01.000 I think he shows up, they're like, here you go, he's like, fuck it.

03:05:04.000 Fuck it, I like money.

03:05:05.000 Fuck it.

03:05:06.000 Yeah, there's some guy like me puffing a cigar like, Jimmy, here's what we're gonna do today.

03:05:09.000 Jimmy.

03:05:09.000 How many people are watching The Tonight Show?

03:05:12.000 Not me.

03:05:13.000 Gotta be nobody.

03:05:14.000 Yeah, I don't think so.

03:05:15.000 What do you think?

03:05:15.000 Take a number.

03:05:17.000 A million a night?

03:05:18.000 I don't know what the numbers are.

03:05:19.000 Let's guess.

03:05:20.000 I'd say...

03:05:21.000 750,000.

03:05:24.000 I mean, if Gutfeld's buttfucking these guys, they're putting out a fucking dogshit program, dude.

03:05:29.000 I watch Gutfeld.

03:05:30.000 That shit's nuts, dude.

03:05:33.000 DeRosa was just on...

03:05:34.000 He's buttfucking all of them, was he?

03:05:35.000 He's killing them.

03:05:36.000 He's buttfucking all of them.

03:05:37.000 He's the number one guy.

03:05:38.000 DeRosa was just on...

03:05:39.000 It was so funny.

03:05:40.000 It made me so happy.

03:05:42.000 1.3 million viewers.

03:05:44.000 Less than half the viewers of Gutfeld.

03:05:46.000 Gutfeld, dude.

03:05:47.000 Gutfeld dominates.

03:05:49.000 Less than half.

03:05:49.000 Fallon had, what does it say?

03:05:51.000 Go back to that?

03:05:51.000 That's his YouTube channel.

03:05:52.000 Fallon had 30 million subscribers on his YouTube channel, but this does not drive advertising rates for the show.

03:05:57.000 His YouTube channel's way better than the fucking show.

03:05:59.000 Yeah, because they just do clips of it.

03:06:01.000 That's wild.

03:06:02.000 You think famous people want to get a clip?

03:06:04.000 Yeah.

03:06:04.000 That'll get you views.

03:06:05.000 Yeah.

03:06:05.000 But like, Gottfeld's out there just slinging.

03:06:09.000 Bro.

03:06:09.000 Isn't it crazy?

03:06:09.000 Just form an alternative to what everyone's shoving down your throat.

03:06:14.000 You know, it's like the same thing on every network.

03:06:16.000 The same kind of jokes about the same kind of people.

03:06:19.000 And these are the dummies.

03:06:21.000 And then on his show, he's just got a bunch of Looney Tunes and, you know, comics.

03:06:26.000 He's got Joe DeRosa and Tyrus, dude.

03:06:28.000 You ever see Tyrus?

03:06:30.000 Tyrus might look like Thanos himself, dude.

03:06:32.000 Really?

03:06:32.000 Yeah, for real.

03:06:33.000 That's a guy who is Thanos.

03:06:34.000 What are you talking about?

03:06:36.000 There's a guy named Tyrus.

03:06:37.000 He is Thanos.

03:06:38.000 I know what you're talking about now.

03:06:39.000 Yeah, dude, it's sad.

03:06:41.000 It's a sad thing.

03:06:42.000 It's all paid for by fucking companies.

03:06:44.000 Yeah, that dude.

03:06:46.000 Thanos himself, dude.

03:06:48.000 Yeah, really.

03:06:49.000 What's his hat say?

03:06:52.000 Where my...

03:06:52.000 Where my dog's at?

03:06:54.000 I think so, dude.

03:06:56.000 No.

03:06:57.000 Bigger Ward.

03:06:57.000 Something else.

03:06:58.000 I can't tell, though.

03:06:59.000 Where am I something?

03:07:01.000 Dude, that is Thanos.

03:07:03.000 Might be Thanos, dude.

03:07:03.000 That's Fox Thanos.

03:07:05.000 Tearing up on Gutfeld.

03:07:05.000 That dude's got some ears.

03:07:08.000 That is.

03:07:08.000 Oh, my God.

03:07:09.000 That's a big fella.

03:07:10.000 That's a big fella.

03:07:11.000 And so what does he do?

03:07:13.000 He's one of the Gutfelds.

03:07:13.000 He's a wrestler?

03:07:14.000 Yeah.

03:07:15.000 One of the Gutfelds, bros.

03:07:17.000 Bam, 6-7.

03:07:18.000 That fucking show, it's amazing how much more popular it is than those other network shows.

03:07:23.000 Isn't it crazy that the Democrats haven't figured out how to do a show like that?

03:07:28.000 We just get comics and sit around and talk shit and bring people on and fuck around and that's your talk show?

03:07:34.000 And you review the news together or you all mock it.

03:07:37.000 You read something that Biden did and everybody's like, bah!

03:07:40.000 Yeah, fucking Quinn.

03:07:41.000 Colin Quinn's, uh...

03:07:43.000 Tough crowd.

03:07:44.000 Yeah, that was it.

03:07:45.000 Yeah.

03:07:46.000 They did it.

03:07:46.000 They had it right.

03:07:48.000 That was a podcast.

03:07:49.000 Yeah.

03:07:50.000 That was like the first...

03:07:51.000 That was one of the first, like, just a podcast.

03:07:53.000 Yeah, it was like an hour-long podcast.

03:07:55.000 And comics would just fuck around, talk shit to each other.

03:07:58.000 Patrice, Nick DiPaolo...

03:08:00.000 Man, those are like my favorite highlight videos.

03:08:02.000 Yeah.

03:08:03.000 Dudes bullying other dudes on comics.

03:08:07.000 One of my favorite ever was Geraldo and Leary.

03:08:12.000 Unreal.

03:08:12.000 It's one of the greatest.

03:08:14.000 Leary's giving him a hard time for having jokes.

03:08:16.000 Yeah.

03:08:16.000 He's like, yeah, Dennis, we write.

03:08:18.000 We write jokes.

03:08:19.000 That's what we do.

03:08:20.000 Literally professionally.

03:08:21.000 And Leary gets upset with him that he's talking back to him.

03:08:24.000 He's like, yeah, maybe your show wouldn't have got canceled if you wrote.

03:08:26.000 It's like, oh shit, damn.

03:08:29.000 Judy Gold vs.

03:08:31.000 Voss and Patrice.

03:08:33.000 Voss and Patrice would team up and it's the funniest duo possible.

03:08:37.000 Because Voss is such a motherfucker.

03:08:39.000 He's very good at being like a sidekick and jumping in and being like, get him, get him, get him, fuck him.

03:08:45.000 He was a classic on O.B. Anthony.

03:08:48.000 Voss?

03:08:48.000 Oh my god.

03:08:49.000 Dude, he's an animal.

03:08:50.000 You ever see the one when they would introduce him in, like, unexpected stand-up?

03:08:54.000 They would just, he would go into, like, a coffee shop.

03:08:57.000 No.

03:08:57.000 And Club Soda Canning would go, ladies and gentlemen, Rich Voss!

03:09:03.000 And he would just go and start doing his act.

03:09:06.000 On the radio, in front of all these fucking people that have no idea he was supposed to...

03:09:10.000 Oh no, dude.

03:09:11.000 It was so cringe!

03:09:12.000 He's so fucking funny.

03:09:14.000 He is, dude.

03:09:14.000 He's the only dude on there that would like...

03:09:16.000 He was like the punching bag.

03:09:17.000 They would all try to hit.

03:09:18.000 And he had a good time.

03:09:19.000 He could take it and then he would swing back once.

03:09:22.000 Yeah.

03:09:22.000 And it would be a knockout, dude.

03:09:23.000 Whoever he hit...

03:09:24.000 But he took it with a smile on his face.

03:09:26.000 Yeah, he's fine.

03:09:27.000 He never got defensive.

03:09:28.000 No.

03:09:28.000 Yeah.

03:09:29.000 Which is the big thing.

03:09:30.000 Yeah.

03:09:31.000 Yeah, he's fucking funny.

03:09:32.000 I love Voss so much, dude.

03:09:33.000 He's great.

03:09:34.000 He's the man.

03:09:34.000 The best one he used to big dot when he would hit you with the billfold, he'd be like, here's 20 bucks.

03:09:38.000 It was the best.

03:09:39.000 Voss was the first guy to take me on the road.

03:09:41.000 Oh, really?

03:09:41.000 Yeah.

03:09:42.000 He was the first headliner that was like, do you want to come open for me?

03:09:44.000 No shit.

03:09:45.000 Where did he take you?

03:09:46.000 Fucking local shitholes in Pennsylvania and Jersey.

03:09:49.000 Nice.

03:09:49.000 Yeah.

03:09:50.000 Nice.

03:09:50.000 Yeah, he was the man.

03:09:51.000 Yeah.

03:09:52.000 And he'd always be like, lose my number, kid.

03:09:54.000 Stop lying.

03:09:54.000 I know.

03:09:54.000 He was so fucking funny.

03:09:55.000 But getting friends with a real, legit comic like that when you're just starting out was so huge.

03:09:59.000 It was everything.

03:10:01.000 And then when I was getting SNL, Voss came up and was like, you know I've always been good to you, right?

03:10:05.000 I was like, you piece of shit.

03:10:08.000 I could tell he loves you.

03:10:11.000 I do love Voss.

03:10:12.000 He's great.

03:10:13.000 But that's like that moment when a guy like that takes you on the road?

03:10:17.000 Then Soder got me.

03:10:18.000 Soder was next.

03:10:19.000 It was Voss and then Dan Soder was like, do you want to come on the road?

03:10:22.000 And I was like, Oh, that's amazing.

03:10:23.000 He's like, bro, I love you so much, I'll die for you.

03:10:25.000 I'll fucking die for you.

03:10:27.000 He's an angelic dude.

03:10:28.000 Soder is an angel.

03:10:29.000 He's one of the nicest dudes in the world.

03:10:30.000 He's so nice.

03:10:31.000 He's so good.

03:10:32.000 Yeah, very funny.

03:10:34.000 He's somehow underrated.

03:10:36.000 Yeah.

03:10:36.000 For how good he is.

03:10:37.000 For now, that'll change.

03:10:38.000 I know, he's so good.

03:10:40.000 It'll be overwhelming.

03:10:41.000 It's one of those, you know, it happened with you, it's happening right now with Hinchcliffe.

03:10:45.000 Hinchcliffe is selling out everywhere, man.

03:10:46.000 He's crushing it.

03:10:47.000 Tony does crush.

03:10:48.000 Fuck, he's an animal, dude.

03:10:51.000 His stand-up is good.

03:10:52.000 That's because his character, he's a very unlikable person, his character.

03:10:56.000 Yeah.

03:10:56.000 Where he acts like an asshole.

03:10:58.000 Yeah.

03:10:58.000 And then you go talk to him off stage and you're like, fuck, this is the nicest guy ever.

03:11:01.000 I love this fucking guy.

03:11:02.000 He just loves pro wrestling.

03:11:03.000 Maybe you watch him on stage and he's such a cocksucker the whole time.

03:11:06.000 He wants to be the heel.

03:11:07.000 Yeah.

03:11:07.000 He wants to be the pro wrestling heel.

03:11:09.000 And then he kills.

03:11:10.000 But he's got it down to a science.

03:11:11.000 Yeah.

03:11:11.000 Yeah, he does.

03:11:13.000 Yeah, going on the road, man.

03:11:15.000 That is the greatest education a comic ever gets.

03:11:18.000 When you're first starting out and you get to go on the road.

03:11:21.000 So fun.

03:11:22.000 And you're doing packed houses because they're all there to see that guy.

03:11:24.000 And you have your 15, 20 minutes you're supposed to do.

03:11:27.000 And you're like, okay, here we go.

03:11:29.000 You're going to airports and shit.

03:11:31.000 Yeah.

03:11:31.000 Going to an airport to go to a show, you're like, dude.

03:11:34.000 Stoked.

03:11:34.000 Your hotel's paid for.

03:11:35.000 I'm famous.

03:11:35.000 You walk in the hotel.

03:11:36.000 Just waiting for someone to ask you, like, what are you doing?

03:11:37.000 They're like, I'm actually traveling.

03:11:38.000 I'm a comedian.

03:11:40.000 Open it up for Adam Sandler.

03:11:42.000 On the road.

03:11:44.000 Soda.

03:11:44.000 It's the greatest.

03:11:44.000 It was wonderful.

03:11:45.000 Yeah, he's a man.

03:11:46.000 Those are the greatest days.

03:11:47.000 You get jaded so quickly.

03:11:48.000 I go on the road and I'm just like, fuck.

03:11:50.000 Really?

03:11:51.000 I still love it.

03:11:52.000 Airports.

03:11:53.000 I used to love airports.

03:11:54.000 I'd go to an airport and be like, dude, this is going to be so sick.

03:11:57.000 I don't know.

03:11:57.000 When you go with friends, it's the best.

03:11:59.000 The best thing that I ever did, and I did it early on, is I started bringing my opening acts.

03:12:04.000 I brought guys that I knew that were really funny, that were cool.

03:12:07.000 I paid them.

03:12:09.000 Instead of the club paying them, because they always underpay you, I would pay them.

03:12:13.000 I'll pay for everybody.

03:12:14.000 Pay for their tickets, pay for their hotel.

03:12:16.000 And everybody's like, well, it costs money to fly people out.

03:12:19.000 You can just get the local out.

03:12:20.000 Yeah, yeah, but that's not an option.

03:12:22.000 In my mind, then it's depression weekend.

03:12:25.000 Then it's me alone in a Phoenix hotel room, staring at the TV, flipping channels, deciding whether or not I want to work out now, when do I want to eat.

03:12:34.000 And then my only interaction with people is at the club.

03:12:37.000 You don't talk for a full day.

03:12:39.000 For the full day.

03:12:40.000 The first thing you say is, hey, everybody.

03:12:42.000 Yeah, that's weird.

03:12:44.000 Richie Jenney talked about that once.

03:12:45.000 Sometimes the first words he would say to anybody all day would be on stage.

03:12:49.000 Yeah.

03:12:50.000 Like, that's crazy.

03:12:51.000 Yeah.

03:12:51.000 I kind of don't mind that, though.

03:12:52.000 I can wander around by myself for a while.

03:12:55.000 You don't get depressed?

03:12:56.000 No, I kind of enjoy it.

03:12:57.000 Really?

03:12:57.000 I can sit by myself for a long time.

03:13:00.000 I can for a day.

03:13:01.000 I like a day off.

03:13:02.000 When you're on week number eight.

03:13:04.000 See, that'll fuck me up.

03:13:05.000 Week number eight.

03:13:05.000 Nah, that's the thing.

03:13:06.000 But when you travel with your boys.

03:13:08.000 See, yeah, it's fun.

03:13:09.000 When you're traveling with your boys, you're going to dinner with your friends.

03:13:11.000 It's like this.

03:13:11.000 Like us right now.

03:13:13.000 If we were on the road, we would have the same conversation while we're eating steak.

03:13:18.000 Laughing, having fun, cracking a bottle of wine.

03:13:22.000 Shows in an hour.

03:13:23.000 Let's go, boys!

03:13:24.000 Let's go!

03:13:25.000 And then you go.

03:13:26.000 It's the best.

03:13:27.000 Yeah, I was doing them sparingly.

03:13:28.000 So I'd be like, oh, this is a nice little quiet weekend.

03:13:30.000 But yeah, if that was week after week after week after week, that would get kind of isolated.

03:13:33.000 I'm with you sparingly.

03:13:34.000 A nice week by yourself does rule.

03:13:37.000 But yeah, you gotta bring the bros.

03:13:38.000 And when you're on the road with your boys, it's like, they're your family.

03:13:42.000 It's like, we're all just friends.

03:13:44.000 This is a great time.

03:13:45.000 We're all having a good time together.

03:13:46.000 Everyone's having a good time.

03:13:47.000 Unless someone bombs.

03:13:48.000 The one guy that bombs.

03:13:51.000 But then that's kind of fun, dude.

03:13:52.000 I love when one of my friends bombs, dude.

03:13:54.000 You gotta go, yo, what the fuck was that?

03:13:58.000 Right, but if you're taking guys, like you're giving them a chance, and you realize like halfway into the weekend, like this is not gonna work out.

03:14:04.000 Yeah.

03:14:05.000 Yeah, but you just keep bringing them.

03:14:06.000 Do you?

03:14:07.000 I do.

03:14:08.000 I got guys on the roster that will bomb.

03:14:12.000 No problem.

03:14:14.000 Yeah, I'll put those dudes up on a regular night and give them a shot, but not on the road.

03:14:18.000 When you're on the road, I'm bringing heavy hitters.

03:14:20.000 I'm bringing Brian Simpson and Hinchcliffe and Hans, and I'm bringing killers.

03:14:25.000 But the fun part is still, like, I remember being excited being at the airport.

03:14:29.000 It was literally three years ago.

03:14:31.000 Right.

03:14:32.000 You were a pro.

03:14:33.000 But now I get to take, like, Lemaire and, like, Nate and all these guys that, like, they get to the airport and they're like...

03:14:39.000 Dude, they have this at the airport?

03:14:41.000 They never flew.

03:14:43.000 They're like, dude, what the fuck is this?

03:14:45.000 Delta Sky Lounge?

03:14:46.000 Think about Chipotle here?

03:14:47.000 You've got to keep appreciating it.

03:14:49.000 That's why I would always take edibles.

03:14:51.000 I would always take edibles when I flew.

03:14:53.000 Because the fly day is just a disaster.

03:14:56.000 You're just flying in.

03:14:57.000 If you've got to fly to Philadelphia and you live in LA, that day's gone.

03:15:01.000 You've got five hours on a plane.

03:15:02.000 So I would just take a 200 milligram edible and just go on a harrowing adventure of the soul.

03:15:11.000 That's psycho, dude.

03:15:13.000 That's psycho.

03:15:14.000 Well, that's the Joey Diaz way.

03:15:15.000 I learned it from Diaz.

03:15:17.000 Diaz and I, when we would travel together, because we started traveling together in the 90s.

03:15:21.000 I started taking Joey Diaz with me on the road in like 97, 98. We did gigs in New Jersey.

03:15:26.000 That was the Joey Diaz cocaine years, too.

03:15:28.000 The reason why I started taking three people, I would take two people on the road with me, two openers, is because Joey didn't show up sometimes.

03:15:35.000 So that's how Ari got to start with me.

03:15:38.000 Because I'm like, God, I don't want to stop taking Joey.

03:15:41.000 Because when Joey did show up, he's the fucking life of the party.

03:15:44.000 You hoped that he didn't go on a bender.

03:15:47.000 And he only did it a couple of times.

03:15:48.000 But he did it enough where I was like, I'm going to hedge my bets.

03:15:51.000 And if Joey shows up, we've got a three-man show.

03:15:54.000 If Joey doesn't show up, we've got a two-man show.

03:15:59.000 Yeah, but they were the best times, man.

03:16:01.000 The driving road trips were the best.

03:16:02.000 Oh, my God.

03:16:03.000 Driving.

03:16:04.000 Yeah.

03:16:04.000 When Hinchcliffe and I have done driving road trips, he's come up with some of his most ruthless material, making me laugh in the car.

03:16:11.000 I'm like, dude, you've got to say that on stage.

03:16:13.000 He's like, really?

03:16:14.000 That's also the best thing, to have your friends with you.

03:16:17.000 If Matt's in the room, I'll be like, alright, I'm going to try the joke that you and me think's funny.

03:16:22.000 If I'm by myself, I'll go out there and just do my act.

03:16:25.000 Whatever.

03:16:26.000 If I know one of my comic friends is in the room, they're going to think it's funny.

03:16:30.000 Then it is funny.

03:16:31.000 Then I'm up there like...

03:16:32.000 Yeah, it makes it fun.

03:16:34.000 It's a great way to workshop material, too.

03:16:36.000 When someone says, you've got to say that tonight.

03:16:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:16:38.000 It puts a gun to you.

03:16:39.000 Yeah.

03:16:39.000 It's great.

03:16:40.000 It's great.

03:16:41.000 Especially when it doesn't work and you're in the back going...

03:16:44.000 Hey, what time is your show tonight?

03:16:46.000 We got it.

03:16:46.000 Yeah, it's 5 o'clock.

03:16:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:16:48.000 Oh, shit.

03:16:48.000 Wrap this bitch up.

03:16:49.000 Yeah.

03:16:50.000 Awesome.

03:16:50.000 My man, you're the fucking man.

03:16:51.000 You're the best.

03:16:51.000 I love you.

03:16:52.000 Very nice to meet you.

03:16:52.000 That was a lot of fun.

03:16:53.000 Thank you, Joe.

03:16:53.000 Appreciate you.

03:16:53.000 Let's do this again 100%, the three of us.

03:16:55.000 Thank you, brother.

03:16:55.000 Appreciate you.

03:16:55.000 Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.

03:16:57.000 Fun time.

03:16:58.000 Let's go.

03:16:58.000 Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.

03:16:59.000 It's available on YouTube.

03:17:02.000 It's on Patreon.

03:17:05.000 Do you guys have it up on iTunes and all that other stuff?

03:17:08.000 Yeah.

03:17:08.000 So it's on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and all that shit?

03:17:12.000 Beautiful.

03:17:13.000 All right.

03:17:13.000 First thing, search.

03:17:14.000 What does Matt McCusker do?

03:17:16.000 You'll never know.

03:17:17.000 Now they know.

03:17:18.000 Matt McCusker is a comedian, writer, and what does it say?

03:17:22.000 Oh, it's a bio.

03:17:22.000 It's a nice bio, yeah.

03:17:23.000 And proud co-host of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.

03:17:26.000 You look like a fucking mugshot.

03:17:27.000 That totally looks like a mugshot.

03:17:31.000 Engaging in nonviolent criminal activity, Matt has decided the rest of his days towards the pursuit of peace and harmony.

03:17:37.000 What?

03:17:37.000 Nice bio, right?

03:17:38.000 That's a good bio.

03:17:39.000 Who wrote that?

03:17:39.000 Me.

03:17:40.000 I'm a writer, bro.

03:17:43.000 All right.

03:17:44.000 Great times, boys.

03:17:44.000 See you guys.

03:17:45.000 Thank you very much.

03:17:45.000 Bye, everybody.

03:17:46.000 Thank you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - January 14, 2023

Joe Rogan Experience #1926 - Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis

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