The Joe Rogan Experience - January 21, 2023


Joe Rogan Experience #1929 - Louis CK


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 56 minutes

Words per Minute

193.36363

Word Count

34,032

Sentence Count

3,687

Misogynist Sentences

70


Summary

In this episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, the UFC's highest-paid broadcaster joins us to talk about what it's like to be a professional fighter, how he got into the business, and what it s like to go on stage and perform in front of thousands of people for the first time. He also talks about his favorite part of being a fighter, and why he thinks he s better than most at what he does. We also talk about how he trains for his fights and how he deals with the pressure of being the highest paid fighter in the business. And, of course, we talk about his love of the UFC and what he thinks of his opponent, Conor Conor McGregor. This episode is a must-listen for anyone who has ever watched a UFC fight, or has ever been in a cage with one of the greatest fighters in the history of the sport. We hope you enjoy this episode, and if you like what you hear, please leave us a five star review on Apple Podcasts and tell a friend about it! Thanks for listening, and Happy New Year and Happy Holidays! -Jon Sorrentino and Joe Rocha. -The Joe Rogans Experience. Jon and Samir Jon & Samir "J.R. "The J.R." Rogan Podcast by Night, All Day, by Night by Day, By Night by Night - All Day All Day by Day by Night (featuring The J.J. Rogan) by Night Podcast by Day and All Day By Night, by Day - by Night By Night By Day, all day by Day & Night, by Night and Night, all by Night & Night by Morning by Day... by Night! by Day/Day by Night... by Day! by Night/By Night, By Day/By Day, All day, by Morning, by night, by Evening, by day, All By Night - By Night! by Day.... - By Day... , by Night , All Day , By Night... By Night by Morning... -By Night... , , all day... By Day & Day, By Night.... -All Day & Afterday, , Afterday By Day -- By Night , by Day - Afterday... By Any Day... , By Day ... By Day.... By Night ... By Night? ... by Night ...


Transcript

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!
00:00:12.000 I never thought of a...
00:00:14.000 Yeah, there's a lot of shit going on over there.
00:00:15.000 That thing is weird.
00:00:18.000 What, this thing right here?
00:00:19.000 What is that?
00:00:19.000 Oh, that's a piece of art.
00:00:22.000 That comes from...
00:00:24.000 Beeple.
00:00:25.000 Beeple crap on Instagram.
00:00:28.000 Beeple is a digital artist.
00:00:30.000 He puts up a new piece of digital art every day.
00:00:33.000 And he came in to do the podcast and he gave us this thing.
00:00:36.000 That's Elon Musk.
00:00:38.000 If he was jacked.
00:00:39.000 Like once genetic engineering comes along.
00:00:42.000 I'm just going to grab a paper towel.
00:00:43.000 Oh.
00:00:44.000 Okay.
00:00:49.000 Glasses are brutal.
00:00:50.000 I wear reading glasses when I try to look at my phone in the morning, and I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ.
00:00:55.000 Every day I'm going a little blinder.
00:00:57.000 Yes, you are.
00:00:58.000 Every day, just like...
00:00:59.000 That's just the way it goes.
00:01:01.000 Yeah.
00:01:01.000 I mean, they're just such intricate little machines, and they're organic, so they just start to soften on you, you know?
00:01:07.000 I had a guy in the other day, Bilal Muhammad, he's a UFC fighter, who's had a detached retina and a detached lens on his other eye.
00:01:14.000 On both eyes, it's like, you're talking to people like that, and the game they're playing is, you know, you're punching people in the face, and a lot of times thumbs go in the eyes, because UFC gloves have open fingers, so occasionally guys accidentally get poked in the eye.
00:01:28.000 Fucking terrifying.
00:01:29.000 That's the reason I wouldn't ever...
00:01:31.000 I mean, there's a lot of reasons I wouldn't be a pro fighter.
00:01:33.000 But that's it now.
00:01:34.000 If it wasn't for the eyes, I'd be all over it.
00:01:38.000 They can kind of fix them a little bit.
00:01:39.000 You remember when Sugar Ray Leonard had a detached retina and he retired from the sport and everybody's like, holy shit.
00:01:44.000 And then he came back.
00:01:46.000 And everybody's like, he's back.
00:01:49.000 I think he needed the money, but I think he also needed the thrills.
00:01:52.000 Yeah, it must be.
00:01:53.000 Those guys retired so young.
00:01:55.000 And then what's left a huge expanse of life ahead of you.
00:01:58.000 Not just that, it's like the things that you've looked forward to are these enormous events where you're in your underwear and you're walking out in front of this gigantic group of people that's there to watch you slam your fists into someone's face.
00:02:12.000 Well, and you've worked up to it, too.
00:02:13.000 All the training and the getting ready, the challenging someone, the setting the fight, and where it is in your career.
00:02:20.000 Are you challenging?
00:02:22.000 Are you defending?
00:02:23.000 So it's like a year.
00:02:25.000 A fight's like a year of your life.
00:02:26.000 I mean, in boxing.
00:02:27.000 UFC, they fight more often, right, I guess?
00:02:30.000 Depends.
00:02:31.000 Depends on the fighter.
00:02:32.000 Depends on, you know, what stage they are in their career.
00:02:35.000 Yeah.
00:02:35.000 Yeah, but the guys like to fight more often just to stay comfortable.
00:02:39.000 Right.
00:02:40.000 Because otherwise, the moment's so big.
00:02:42.000 Yes.
00:02:42.000 Like, when you have more fights, like, you can relax and you just...
00:02:46.000 Yeah, it's more...
00:02:46.000 No, I remember Ali describing...
00:02:48.000 Somebody asked him, does he get nervous?
00:02:49.000 He was a great guy because he wasn't...
00:02:53.000 A bullshitter.
00:02:54.000 Like, he bullshitted when it was time to sell the fight.
00:02:57.000 But whenever anybody asked him things like that, he was honest.
00:03:00.000 Somebody asked him, do you get nervous?
00:03:02.000 He said, every fight, I get really nervous.
00:03:04.000 When I come out to the ring, I feel like, I can't do this, and that guy's huge.
00:03:09.000 And why did I come here?
00:03:13.000 But then the bell rings, and as soon as it becomes about the work, I go, well, this is what I do.
00:03:21.000 Yeah.
00:03:22.000 And then what takes over is just routine.
00:03:24.000 It's what I do, and then he's just serious, you know?
00:03:26.000 I always felt like the worst part was before the fight started.
00:03:30.000 Yeah.
00:03:31.000 The worst part was, like, standing there getting ready before the fight started.
00:03:35.000 Yeah, I can imagine.
00:03:35.000 But then once the fight starts, you're on instinct.
00:03:38.000 You're in, yeah.
00:03:38.000 It's, like, sort of normal.
00:03:39.000 That's what stand-up is like.
00:03:40.000 I fucking hate waiting to go on stage.
00:03:42.000 Yeah.
00:03:43.000 It's the worst thing, and I get a little, if there's stuff going on, I get irritated if the opener's going over a little.
00:03:49.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:03:51.000 You want a drink, you want a this, you want a that.
00:03:53.000 Give me something to distract myself.
00:03:55.000 Yes.
00:03:56.000 Yeah.
00:03:56.000 It's bad news.
00:03:57.000 Yeah.
00:03:58.000 But yeah, I could see why guys like that need to come back.
00:04:01.000 But it's good to be able to live your life where that's not what you need.
00:04:07.000 It's a gigantic shift, though, in the way you view the world.
00:04:10.000 You have to view the world as not like these big events that you're planning for every three to six months, but instead just life.
00:04:17.000 Yes, that's what I've tried to do in the last few years.
00:04:21.000 I'm about to end this tour and then I'm going to take a year off, I think.
00:04:25.000 100% off?
00:04:26.000 Yeah, no stage anywhere.
00:04:28.000 That's great.
00:04:29.000 That's the plan.
00:04:29.000 I think that there's a balance between performing a lot and perspective.
00:04:35.000 One of the things that happens to guys when they perform too much is that they talk about things that are related to their life as a traveling comedian.
00:04:43.000 It's all air travel and flights and hotels and restaurants and so much of the material revolves around this very narrow window of existence.
00:04:52.000 Yes, that's true.
00:04:53.000 But also, you put all this pressure on performance that it's got to fix all your life.
00:04:59.000 And it's not going to.
00:05:00.000 Right.
00:05:01.000 But if you live a fuller life, then comedy has the place it should, which is like, it's a weird thing to do.
00:05:07.000 It should always be weird, and it should always be like, man, I can't believe I'm doing this.
00:05:10.000 Yeah.
00:05:11.000 If your life is normal, then comedy is a gas.
00:05:14.000 It's a jolt.
00:05:15.000 And inside of it, for me, you're working in there and there's routine and there's, you know.
00:05:21.000 Yeah.
00:05:22.000 But it should stay special, you know.
00:05:25.000 Well, you're at a point right now, you're ready to do this special, which is this thing that you're going to live stream in Madison Square Garden, which is fucking super exciting.
00:05:35.000 I love it.
00:05:36.000 Yeah, thanks.
00:05:36.000 January 28th, I'm going back to the garden.
00:05:39.000 I used to play there all the time.
00:05:41.000 Haven't played there in a number of years.
00:05:43.000 I didn't know if I'd come back.
00:05:45.000 There it is.
00:05:46.000 And so we put the sale...
00:05:48.000 I wrote to you because I wanted to do it in the round.
00:05:52.000 Yeah.
00:05:53.000 I never did it that way.
00:05:54.000 And so I asked you if it was good.
00:05:57.000 You said it was really fun that way.
00:05:58.000 It's so fun.
00:06:00.000 And then I found out that it cost twice as much because you got a light from two sides.
00:06:04.000 Yeah.
00:06:05.000 And also you need to be able to see the guy from four angles.
00:06:09.000 So you need more cameras.
00:06:11.000 Right.
00:06:12.000 And then we sold the thing out.
00:06:13.000 Like, we sold 10,000 tickets on the first day.
00:06:16.000 It's sold out now.
00:06:17.000 It's 18,000 seats.
00:06:18.000 It's the most people I'll ever have...
00:06:21.000 I mean, I'm doing this 38 years.
00:06:22.000 That'll be the biggest audience I ever played for.
00:06:24.000 And so it costs so much money, though, to put the cameras in there for the Jumbotron.
00:06:30.000 And then I thought, just let's live stream it because it's actually only costing a little bit more.
00:06:35.000 You know, there's not that much more because we already have all this shit in there.
00:06:38.000 Right, right.
00:06:39.000 Yeah, so we're going to live stream it.
00:06:41.000 And on my website, you just go and it's like 25 bucks and...
00:06:45.000 That's awesome.
00:06:46.000 We'll keep it up there.
00:06:46.000 It's a live event.
00:06:47.000 It's not a special so much.
00:06:48.000 It's a live event.
00:06:49.000 So it's all new material since my last special, and it'll be up till the 17th, I think, of February.
00:06:56.000 Then we take it down, and then it'll go away.
00:06:58.000 And then in April, I'll put out a special of the same material that I already shot.
00:07:02.000 At the Dolby Theater in LA. I shot a special there.
00:07:05.000 Oh, really?
00:07:06.000 When did you shoot that?
00:07:07.000 Earlier this month.
00:07:08.000 Oh, okay.
00:07:09.000 Yeah, it was really good.
00:07:09.000 That's a great idea.
00:07:10.000 I love that.
00:07:11.000 Yeah.
00:07:11.000 So that's like the album.
00:07:12.000 That's like the album.
00:07:13.000 Right, right, right.
00:07:14.000 And that'll be the same as every special I've ever done.
00:07:16.000 Like $10 and you can download it and all that stuff and keep it.
00:07:19.000 But this one is only for streaming and it's short, limited.
00:07:23.000 So, Chris Rock is doing a live special, too, on Netflix, right?
00:07:26.000 He's going to film it, and it'll stream live on Netflix?
00:07:30.000 Is that what they're going to do for the first time?
00:07:31.000 Yeah, they never live-streamed anything.
00:07:33.000 So, he's their first one.
00:07:35.000 And that's cool for him.
00:07:36.000 And it'll be March, I think, he's doing his in Atlanta.
00:07:38.000 I've heard nothing but good things about his new set.
00:07:41.000 Yeah, well, he's been, I think, holding back a little bit.
00:07:45.000 So I think this tour has been great for him.
00:07:49.000 Yeah, I think this is going to be really great.
00:07:51.000 I'm excited for his show.
00:07:53.000 I'm excited for comedy right now.
00:07:55.000 Yeah, comedy is getting- It's amazing.
00:07:57.000 Picking up steam again.
00:07:58.000 Well, it's also, it's like people are really longing for it because there's so much political correct bullshit, this woke bullshit, what you can and can't say.
00:08:06.000 And so many people feel upset about it.
00:08:07.000 And that like, they don't know what to say because they can't talk at work or they get fired.
00:08:11.000 They can't talk amongst their community or they get shamed.
00:08:14.000 They don't, they like, ugh.
00:08:16.000 And then you can go see someone talk on stage.
00:08:18.000 You're like, yeah!
00:08:19.000 Yes, and that's what comedy always was.
00:08:21.000 It's always been that.
00:08:23.000 And to me, everything that's happened has been natural.
00:08:26.000 It's like normal that comedy has to be defended every few years.
00:08:30.000 When everybody's being cool, when the world is kind of cool like it was up until maybe 2015 or so, it's just kind of cool.
00:08:38.000 Comedy is cool, but then when things get shitty in terms of this sort of thing, people being more divided and unable to express themselves, comedy gets more important, but also starts getting attacked.
00:08:52.000 And we have to defend it, that's all.
00:08:54.000 I mean, by just doing it, that's all.
00:08:55.000 I don't get into defending it by saying...
00:08:58.000 Fuck these people.
00:08:59.000 It just means you have to keep doing it at the same discipline.
00:09:03.000 Right, and doing it the same way.
00:09:05.000 Yeah.
00:09:05.000 Yeah, don't pull back.
00:09:06.000 No, just keep doing it, and folks will show up and love it.
00:09:11.000 Well, that's one of the things I really loved about your last special.
00:09:14.000 It was like 100% a Louis C.K. special.
00:09:18.000 You didn't back off of anything.
00:09:21.000 That whole thing that you did...
00:09:24.000 At the end, the faggot thing was so funny, man.
00:09:28.000 It's so funny.
00:09:29.000 It's such a good bit.
00:09:31.000 Yeah, today's straight men are faggots.
00:09:33.000 Yes, it's so funny.
00:09:35.000 It's so good because it's so like, ah, he's going there, you know, but it was really well thought out.
00:09:40.000 My audiences are really diverse.
00:09:43.000 I mean, in terms of like, I get young people and some kind of like progressive looking people.
00:09:48.000 I get men and women in all races, mostly white, but you know.
00:09:51.000 Some cities I get more.
00:09:53.000 But I tested it in front of so many people that bit.
00:09:57.000 And every kind of person laughed at it.
00:10:00.000 The only people that got offended by it were people like in the South or more kind of like red state people.
00:10:08.000 Because when I said straight men are faggots, I'm talking about, you know...
00:10:14.000 Brooklyn Twinks and whatever.
00:10:16.000 Right, right, right.
00:10:16.000 They don't know those people.
00:10:17.000 But they think I'm talking about them.
00:10:18.000 Hey, man!
00:10:20.000 So they missed it.
00:10:22.000 I thought I would be offending progressive young kids, but for them it was a relief because it's about them and they feel that way.
00:10:31.000 In real life, people like being laughed at.
00:10:34.000 They like their community.
00:10:35.000 When you do good jokes about black people, not like white perspective jokes, About being alienated from them.
00:10:42.000 But if you do a good joke about black culture or Chinese culture or Jewish culture, the people in those groups laugh because they're in the show.
00:10:51.000 And they know their culture as well as anybody does, you know?
00:10:54.000 Yeah.
00:10:55.000 So that's always been the case.
00:10:57.000 But people just, you know...
00:10:59.000 I mean, it never really changed.
00:11:00.000 And the way I figured it was, there was no point in backing down and changing.
00:11:05.000 Because what do you want out of life?
00:11:06.000 Like, what?
00:11:07.000 Maybe I could have...
00:11:10.000 I already had a crazy heyday where the kind of comedy I do, which is just flagrant fouls, just fucking just bad, bad behavior throughout.
00:11:20.000 For a while, that was considered the greatest thing, and people were just like, this is great.
00:11:26.000 The mainstream loved it.
00:11:27.000 Everybody loved it, right?
00:11:29.000 And I had that for years, that success.
00:11:31.000 So I figured if I have to do it and I start getting hated for it, or even just business goes down, I have to take some heat.
00:11:40.000 From the sides?
00:11:42.000 So what?
00:11:43.000 That's not a lot to ask of me, considering what I've enjoyed.
00:11:47.000 It was like that before.
00:11:49.000 When I first started, I was gross.
00:11:51.000 And a lot of people stayed away from me.
00:11:54.000 And then I had a heyday.
00:11:56.000 And I'm like, it's time to go back into the underground.
00:11:59.000 It's time to go back into just like...
00:12:01.000 I don't get mentioned in the big list for a lot of reasons, but also for the comedy.
00:12:06.000 But so, it's okay.
00:12:09.000 It's acceptable to me.
00:12:11.000 If it's not as popular anymore.
00:12:14.000 I'm still going to do the same thing.
00:12:16.000 But that's what's bullshit.
00:12:16.000 It is as popular.
00:12:17.000 The lists are nonsense.
00:12:20.000 The lists are all non-binary people made a fucking special in a coffee shop.
00:12:24.000 I guess.
00:12:25.000 And by the way, let them have the list for a while.
00:12:27.000 That's fine, too.
00:12:29.000 That has never meant much.
00:12:32.000 The mistake is when you're on it, you go like, yeah.
00:12:35.000 Right, exactly!
00:12:36.000 You know?
00:12:37.000 When you're on the lists and you're at the red carpet and stuff, it's like playing blackjack and you start getting good cards and you think you're good at blackjack.
00:12:46.000 Right.
00:12:46.000 You're like, see?
00:12:47.000 I know what I'm...
00:12:47.000 No, you just...
00:12:49.000 It's an arbitrary thing that has its own reasons for being and sometimes you get benefit for it.
00:12:54.000 Yeah.
00:12:55.000 And sometimes you don't and that's who gives a shit.
00:12:57.000 But, like, saying about your heyday, I don't think, I think you're right there.
00:13:02.000 Like, look, you sold out 10,000 tickets in a day.
00:13:04.000 Like, what the fuck are you talking about?
00:13:05.000 Well, one time I did it five times in a year.
00:13:07.000 I bet you could do it five times in a year.
00:13:09.000 I don't think it's much different.
00:13:10.000 I think probably that one was it for, to me.
00:13:12.000 And also, I don't want to do five shows at the Garden.
00:13:14.000 Well, you're going to have to if you don't want to, but I bet you could.
00:13:17.000 I bet you could.
00:13:19.000 Well, people fucking love comedy right now.
00:13:21.000 Yeah, they do.
00:13:22.000 I mean, we're having a great time.
00:13:23.000 It's a lot of fun right now.
00:13:25.000 It's a fucking ball.
00:13:26.000 I have no concerns on stage about...
00:13:31.000 Is this gonna be...
00:13:32.000 They're coming to see you!
00:13:33.000 They know what to expect.
00:13:34.000 Also, by the way, I like...
00:13:36.000 The other thing is that this time was good for comedy.
00:13:39.000 The time of people getting their assholes a little tighter.
00:13:43.000 Like, I was listening to Patrice last night with my opener, Ariel, just three names for some reason, fucking Ariel Isaac Norman.
00:13:52.000 We worked together in New Orleans.
00:13:54.000 We did a show in Mobile and we drove to New Orleans and I was playing for her Patrice's album, Mr. P, Patrice O'Neill.
00:14:02.000 And he does a couple of bits and he says to the crowd, you guys are laughing, that's good, but you're not all laughing and that's good.
00:14:08.000 I don't want you all to laugh.
00:14:09.000 Yeah.
00:14:10.000 If everybody's laughing, it's not fun.
00:14:12.000 You need somebody in here going like, that's not...
00:14:16.000 That's not okay.
00:14:17.000 And I believe that.
00:14:19.000 It actually makes comedy better if it has an adverse, if you have pushback.
00:14:25.000 Because, and the thing, the problem that some comedians have is they get hurt.
00:14:30.000 They get their feelings hurt.
00:14:31.000 If someone doesn't like the joke, they feel that it's, oh, you don't like me?
00:14:34.000 And then they back away from anything that makes them feel like that.
00:14:38.000 But if you can be like, here's a terrible thing, and the audience goes like, ugh!
00:14:44.000 And you just hear, you don't get emotionally involved.
00:14:47.000 You hear the, ugh, and you go, okay, I can either go around it, or I can go into it.
00:14:52.000 We can go further into this.
00:14:54.000 There's potential in that horrible feeling for another laugh past it that they've never experienced.
00:15:01.000 Right.
00:15:01.000 Because usually when an audience shows, I don't want to hear that, people back away.
00:15:06.000 But if you stay with it, I'm still talking about it.
00:15:08.000 Right.
00:15:08.000 I'm still talking.
00:15:09.000 I'm still your friend.
00:15:11.000 Like, I'm not going to fuck you people, you know, that thing.
00:15:14.000 That's another cop-out.
00:15:16.000 Right.
00:15:16.000 Fuck you, you pussies.
00:15:18.000 You just go, okay, you didn't like it?
00:15:19.000 Well, here's a little more about it.
00:15:21.000 Yeah.
00:15:23.000 And if you get them like that, and then you can...
00:15:25.000 I remember once I was in Houston, and there was the Houston Improv.
00:15:33.000 And it's pretty much a black club.
00:15:34.000 Like, it's mostly black comedians go there, and the clientele for the Houston Improv is mostly black people, Texas black people.
00:15:40.000 And so I went and did a weekend there, and it was a lot of my fans, but it was a lot of folks that just come to the Improv.
00:15:45.000 So I could see in their faces that they don't know me.
00:15:48.000 And there was this one table of people, they were dressed like it's Easter, like beautiful clothes, you know?
00:15:53.000 And this woman in like a Robin's egg dress and just beautiful makeup, this black woman.
00:15:58.000 I was doing this bit about pedophiles, one of the many pedophile bits.
00:16:03.000 I don't remember which one.
00:16:06.000 It was the thing about that they should make very realistic dolls of children for pedophiles to fuck.
00:16:17.000 And she was just like...
00:16:19.000 Like literally putting her hands up like, please don't!
00:16:23.000 And I just...
00:16:24.000 I looked at her with...
00:16:27.000 Love with sympathy.
00:16:28.000 I was really playing to her now.
00:16:30.000 And I'm trying to convince her that I'm not just trying to piss her off, that there's something worth hearing in here.
00:16:35.000 And somehow, I don't remember what the moment was, but there was a moment in the bit where she went, I get it.
00:16:41.000 And then she started to laugh.
00:16:42.000 And I felt this relief.
00:16:44.000 I think she would rather not have had the experience at all.
00:16:50.000 But, I don't know, I just love that so much.
00:16:53.000 I love doing that so much.
00:16:55.000 And then it finds, now I have a bit that she's part of, that her resistance helped me find all of the round edges to the bit and all of the angles, you know what I mean?
00:17:05.000 That's one of the most fascinating things about comedy, is that you really need the audience to develop it.
00:17:09.000 You need them.
00:17:10.000 You can't do it in a vacuum.
00:17:12.000 No, it is the one art that the audience is your horn.
00:17:18.000 That's your fucking instrument.
00:17:19.000 Yeah, they're participating.
00:17:21.000 And you need a bunch of different kinds of audiences.
00:17:24.000 So many.
00:17:25.000 Yeah, from all over the world.
00:17:26.000 Yes, you need to see people that aren't like you.
00:17:29.000 That's the most important thing, is to go to places where you're like, this is not going to be fun.
00:17:35.000 And there's bits that I do that I'm like, I don't want to do this to them.
00:17:38.000 I don't want to feel this feeling.
00:17:40.000 Yeah.
00:17:40.000 But I know if I keep doing it, each audience will bring me closer to them and figuring out.
00:17:46.000 And then there's this bad point where these bits that I do that are like about pedophilia and stuff, they get to where they're killing.
00:17:52.000 Because I've just, I've fashioned them so well and had so much great collaboration with different kinds of outrage.
00:17:59.000 And now it's a...
00:18:02.000 Blistering hot bit.
00:18:04.000 And then when I'm doing it, I forget it was ever offensive.
00:18:07.000 Right.
00:18:08.000 And I just go like, I'm doing it like this, like, yeah, you're gonna love this.
00:18:12.000 And I always crest over the wave to some audience.
00:18:15.000 They just stare at me like, what are you talking about?
00:18:19.000 And I go, oh yeah, that's right.
00:18:20.000 This is...
00:18:21.000 This is a fucked up subject.
00:18:23.000 This is a fucked up thing to be talking about.
00:18:25.000 And then they remind me to approach it like this.
00:18:29.000 Like the way you're talking to somebody with a...
00:18:32.000 Like a panicking person with a gun.
00:18:34.000 Right, right, right, right.
00:18:35.000 You know, who's got a guy like this and he's doing this.
00:18:38.000 And you're just trying to get him to breathe.
00:18:40.000 You're trying to get him...
00:18:42.000 You know, trying to take them through a scary room.
00:18:45.000 But what a great thing to take people to where the things that they hate and make them laugh at them, you know?
00:18:49.000 What a great thing.
00:18:50.000 For some of us.
00:18:53.000 Some people don't like that.
00:18:54.000 No, some people just like clean and easy, and that's fine, too.
00:18:57.000 I mean, there's a great audience for that, too.
00:18:59.000 I think one of the unique things that you've always liked to do is you like to go to clubs unannounced, so they don't know you're going to be there.
00:19:07.000 They're not your fans, necessarily.
00:19:09.000 They're just people.
00:19:10.000 And then you just drop in and try stuff out.
00:19:13.000 Yeah, that's the most honest thing.
00:19:17.000 Think of some analogy where if you turn up all the dials, it all becomes zero again.
00:19:23.000 So if you're doing your audience, there's also a huge amount of pressure.
00:19:27.000 They're paying more money and they've been waiting.
00:19:30.000 So you feel this thing of like, this has got to be good.
00:19:33.000 The pressure is really high for those shows.
00:19:35.000 There's support, but those are your customers.
00:19:38.000 Yes.
00:19:39.000 So they're just like, let's go.
00:19:40.000 Yeah.
00:19:41.000 But when you just walk in, I mean, a lot of times if I walk in a place, they know who I am.
00:19:46.000 But there's enough in the audience.
00:19:48.000 They didn't come to see me.
00:19:49.000 And there's enough in the audience that's just I can get an honest sense of how this material works.
00:19:57.000 There's some place in Australia, there's a club in Melbourne, and I've done it twice, 20 years apart.
00:20:03.000 And both times, nobody had any idea who I was.
00:20:06.000 Like, the MC did, he's a comic, so he was like, he said a lot of really nice things, and he said, this guy, what a treat.
00:20:14.000 And he brings me on in the crowd, he's like...
00:20:18.000 And I can see them going like this to each other.
00:20:21.000 And I'm doing material that has been killing in large concert venues.
00:20:27.000 And they just don't give a fuck.
00:20:29.000 Then I found out what actually means something to anybody.
00:20:35.000 Well, it's different culturally, too.
00:20:37.000 They'll laugh at things over there that we don't laugh at.
00:20:40.000 Australia?
00:20:40.000 Do you find that?
00:20:41.000 Yeah.
00:20:42.000 Yeah, Australia is a fascinating place.
00:20:45.000 It is.
00:20:46.000 They're wild people.
00:20:48.000 They're very similar to Americans, but not cool.
00:20:51.000 But not at all.
00:20:52.000 That's what, you get there and you think it's America?
00:20:55.000 Nope.
00:20:56.000 Because you're in a tube, in an American tube, and you go over there, and then you sleep in an American hotel, and everybody's white, and they don't sound British, they sound a little more like us.
00:21:05.000 It feels American, then you're walking down the street, and a fucking parrot flies by.
00:21:11.000 And lands on a telephone pole.
00:21:13.000 You're like, what the fuck is a parrot doing?
00:21:14.000 And you realize you're surrounded by tropical creatures.
00:21:17.000 Like, I was in Perth, which is completely different from Sydney and Melbourne.
00:21:21.000 They call them the eastern states.
00:21:23.000 Perth is on the west coast of Australia.
00:21:25.000 And it's in the Indian Ocean, south of India.
00:21:29.000 It's a great...
00:21:30.000 I mean, it's really like...
00:21:31.000 Perth is like a city surrounded by...
00:21:34.000 Just no people.
00:21:35.000 And there's crazy creatures and weird plants and then these white people.
00:21:41.000 They used to be prisoners.
00:21:43.000 Well, in Perth they were.
00:21:45.000 It's different.
00:21:46.000 Is it?
00:21:46.000 Yeah.
00:21:46.000 It was founded as a commercial venture.
00:21:51.000 An English captain went to England and he got money.
00:21:54.000 And he got people.
00:21:55.000 He paid people to go.
00:21:57.000 And they're miners.
00:21:58.000 It's just these huge giant holes in the ground.
00:22:01.000 I think it's iron.
00:22:02.000 And there is these guys that live in Perth and they all have tons of money from this dirty work that they do.
00:22:09.000 And they call them FIFOs, fly in, fly out.
00:22:12.000 Because they fly into the mines and then they just live, it's just covered in shit and, you know, sleep in a bunk next to the hole for like a month.
00:22:21.000 And then they give them like whatever, you know, thousand, hundred thousand dollars.
00:22:25.000 Then they go back to Perth.
00:22:26.000 It's a weird culture.
00:22:28.000 There's a lot of those people in Canada.
00:22:30.000 I guess, like, for the fishing, right?
00:22:32.000 No, miners.
00:22:33.000 Oh, yeah?
00:22:34.000 Yeah, there's a lot of miners.
00:22:35.000 Oil people.
00:22:36.000 A lot of people work the oil rigs in Canada.
00:22:39.000 Yeah.
00:22:39.000 A lot of people, they're a part of that strip mining.
00:22:42.000 They all have, like, jacked up trucks and giant gold chains and tons of money.
00:22:47.000 That's what it's like in Perth.
00:22:48.000 Every truck is an off-road, you know, jacked up with the snorkels.
00:22:54.000 Yeah, well, you need that out there for the dust.
00:22:56.000 Yeah, you do.
00:22:57.000 But then the eastern states was founded by...
00:23:01.000 They were penal colonies.
00:23:04.000 And I don't know much about it, honestly.
00:23:06.000 But Sydney and Melbourne is my favorite place over there.
00:23:09.000 Melbourne's great.
00:23:10.000 It's such a great town.
00:23:11.000 It's like San Francisco before it was ruined in Australia.
00:23:14.000 Yeah.
00:23:14.000 Yeah.
00:23:15.000 I was just in San Francisco.
00:23:16.000 It's pretty gnarly right now.
00:23:18.000 It's weird, right?
00:23:19.000 Yeah.
00:23:19.000 Isn't it strange how quickly a city can deteriorate with terrible government?
00:23:24.000 Mm-hmm.
00:23:25.000 I mean, I don't know all the reasons, but it's pretty shitty.
00:23:27.000 There's a ton of reasons, but clearly they haven't made a course correction.
00:23:31.000 Some of it is cyclical.
00:23:32.000 I mean, I started going there in the 80s, and it's a little like it was when I started going there.
00:23:38.000 Like New York City, nobody remembers anything.
00:23:43.000 There's always young, trendy people.
00:23:45.000 Yeah.
00:23:51.000 Yeah.
00:23:53.000 Yeah.
00:24:08.000 Ooh.
00:24:09.000 Like, which sort of turned away.
00:24:11.000 People forgot about that story.
00:24:11.000 And he cleaned up the city.
00:24:12.000 What's that?
00:24:13.000 People forgot about that.
00:24:14.000 Amadou Diallo was the name of the guy.
00:24:15.000 Yeah, that's right.
00:24:16.000 Yeah.
00:24:16.000 No, Abner Louima.
00:24:18.000 It's two guys.
00:24:18.000 Abner Louima, I think, was the plunger.
00:24:21.000 It's Giuliani time.
00:24:22.000 They stuck a plunger handle up his ass.
00:24:24.000 Right.
00:24:25.000 Amadou Diallo is a guy who was shot something like 68 times because he had a sandwich in his hand, you know.
00:24:30.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:24:31.000 Kind of looked like a gun, even though it was...
00:24:33.000 You know, veal parmesan.
00:24:35.000 People forgot about...
00:24:36.000 Giuliani at one point in time, people thought he should be president.
00:24:39.000 Yeah.
00:24:40.000 After the way he handled 9-11.
00:24:42.000 That's right.
00:24:42.000 Everybody's like, he's our leader.
00:24:43.000 Yeah, and just because he walked down the street with a coffee and said, well, boy, it's rough.
00:24:49.000 That's basically what he did.
00:24:51.000 He didn't stop 9-11.
00:24:53.000 He didn't solve 9-11.
00:24:55.000 He didn't save anybody.
00:24:57.000 There was no one to save.
00:24:58.000 That's the most fucked up thing about that day is that there was no, you know, they had the hospitals were all ready and there was not like one.
00:25:03.000 There was like nobody was injured.
00:25:05.000 Were you living in New York City when that happened?
00:25:08.000 Yeah, I was.
00:25:09.000 I was not in the city.
00:25:11.000 The day before, on the 10th, I flew to L.A. to pitch a fucking TV show.
00:25:15.000 And my wife was pregnant.
00:25:17.000 And we were living in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, which was right...
00:25:19.000 I mean, when you come out of our house, the towers were our view, right out the door.
00:25:24.000 And so she was there, six months pregnant, and whammo.
00:25:28.000 And she called me.
00:25:30.000 It was like 9 in the morning in L.A. Or earlier, I guess.
00:25:34.000 It was like 6...
00:25:36.000 And she called me and she was just bawling.
00:25:39.000 And I was like, what's wrong?
00:25:40.000 And she couldn't say anything.
00:25:42.000 And I was like, what the fuck is going to...
00:25:43.000 Partly I'm like, am I in trouble?
00:25:47.000 And then she says, turn on the TV, and I saw these towers on fire, and I was like, oh, okay.
00:25:55.000 It's nothing to do with home.
00:25:58.000 This is a world problem, not a me problem.
00:26:01.000 I'm pretty sure that's not my fault.
00:26:04.000 Anyway, she handled it really well.
00:26:07.000 Todd Barry, you know Todd, right?
00:26:09.000 Yeah.
00:26:11.000 Called her.
00:26:12.000 She's the one who told him what had happened.
00:26:14.000 He woke up not understanding what was happening and he was really scared and called my ex-wife and she calmed him down.
00:26:22.000 She's a good person.
00:26:25.000 But anyway, yes.
00:26:26.000 And I was like, get out of this.
00:26:28.000 I just panicked.
00:26:29.000 Living in Manhattan, because I grew up with movies like Warriors.
00:26:33.000 And with memories like the blackouts, and I wasn't even there for the blackouts, but there was all these blackouts where everybody got killed.
00:26:40.000 And there was a lot of movies about, like, New York City is shut down and everybody, and, you know, the wolves come out.
00:26:45.000 Yeah.
00:26:46.000 So I thought, as soon as it happened, I told her, get out of Manhattan.
00:26:51.000 There's just going to be people throwing TV sets through windows in, like, five minutes.
00:26:54.000 I just believed it.
00:26:55.000 I am legend.
00:26:55.000 Yes, that kind of thing.
00:26:56.000 So get the fuck out of it.
00:26:58.000 So she got out of there.
00:26:59.000 Yeah.
00:27:00.000 And then I was on the road and I was in LA. I was supposed to pitch a show and I called the network and I said, I assume the meeting is cancelled.
00:27:11.000 And they said, yeah, but if you want your show to go forward, we do have to have...
00:27:17.000 They made me do...
00:27:19.000 Pitch a comedy.
00:27:21.000 On September 11th?
00:27:22.000 On the 12th.
00:27:23.000 Oh, the 12th.
00:27:23.000 Well, they gave you a day off.
00:27:25.000 What's that?
00:27:25.000 They gave you a day off.
00:27:26.000 Yeah, that's right.
00:27:27.000 It was a day to let everything settle down.
00:27:28.000 Yeah, the 12th is my birthday.
00:27:30.000 So I had to pitch a fucking comedy, and it was horrible.
00:27:34.000 I mean, obviously, that was...
00:27:36.000 Terrible.
00:27:37.000 And then I went back on the road.
00:27:39.000 I was doing gigs.
00:27:40.000 So I was flying as soon as they were flying.
00:27:42.000 You know, there was no airplanes.
00:27:44.000 How many days was it?
00:27:45.000 I don't remember how long they didn't fly for, but I think it was a couple of weeks before a flight went up.
00:27:51.000 I don't remember, but I started flying right away.
00:27:55.000 And the airports were all empty.
00:27:59.000 And everyone was allowed in the lounges, and everyone was getting upgraded to first class because the planes were empty.
00:28:06.000 And for a while, it was part of the protocol.
00:28:09.000 Before the flight takes off, they used to say, they would give you the safety stuff, and then they would say, you can use your seatbelt, detaches, you can use it as a weapon.
00:28:17.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:28:18.000 You can use your seat as a shield.
00:28:22.000 They were telling you that?
00:28:23.000 Yes, they would say this is part of the thing for like the first month after 9-11, and they would say, we're here to protect you, but you have to protect us.
00:28:30.000 They would say that.
00:28:32.000 And there was one flight I took where I was flying first class, like seat 1B, I was right at the bulkhead, and this other guy's sitting at 1C across from me, and the captain came out right before the flight, and he kind of squatted between us, and he said, listen, fellas, Because it was a red eye.
00:28:47.000 He said, you're the last line of defense, so I need you not to sleep on this flight.
00:28:53.000 Jesus Christ.
00:28:55.000 I need you not to sleep on the flight to defend him.
00:28:58.000 Yeah.
00:29:00.000 But of course, there's part of me that's like, I'm a guy, so I'm like, oh, yes, sir.
00:29:04.000 I was excited.
00:29:06.000 Yeah, I got asked once by a lady, these two guys were fighting, and they were thinking about removing the guys from the plane, because one guy had put his bag above this other guy's seat, and the other guy goes, hey man, that's for my seat.
00:29:18.000 And he's like, no, it's first come, first serve.
00:29:20.000 He's like, no, fuck you.
00:29:22.000 And then they were like, fuck you, no, fuck you.
00:29:24.000 And then the lady had to come in and go, hey, hey, like, I will fucking kick both of you guys off the plane.
00:29:30.000 Yeah, this was before you took off?
00:29:32.000 Before we took off.
00:29:33.000 She goes, do we have an understanding?
00:29:35.000 And they go, yeah.
00:29:36.000 And then she comes to me.
00:29:36.000 She goes, hey, if anything goes down, you're going to help, right?
00:29:40.000 She deputized you?
00:29:41.000 Yeah, she deputized me.
00:29:43.000 I'm like, okay, what do you want me to do?
00:29:47.000 What am I allowed to do?
00:29:50.000 What's my directive?
00:29:52.000 What are my orders?
00:29:52.000 If I go back there and smash some guy, am I in trouble?
00:29:55.000 What happens?
00:29:57.000 What am I allowed to do?
00:29:58.000 Yes, you were directed by a company employee, and she has, like, federal power.
00:30:03.000 I need you to put that on video.
00:30:05.000 Say it on my phone.
00:30:07.000 Say, go ahead.
00:30:09.000 I need to know what's going on.
00:30:11.000 First of all, I don't know who's right.
00:30:13.000 I mean, this one guy who says it's his seat and it's above his seat, he's kind of got a point.
00:30:19.000 And the other guy's got a point, too.
00:30:20.000 Like, if that's the only space that's open...
00:30:22.000 I don't think it's about who's right.
00:30:23.000 Right.
00:30:24.000 In that situation, it's not about who's right about that.
00:30:27.000 Right.
00:30:27.000 It's about if somebody throws hands, they're not wrong.
00:30:30.000 Well, it was about one guy was really douchey about it.
00:30:32.000 Like, he could have been like, there was nothing else available.
00:30:37.000 Right.
00:30:37.000 Do you want, like, is there a space over here?
00:30:39.000 I'll move your bag for you.
00:30:41.000 Yeah.
00:30:41.000 Like, he could have made a...
00:30:42.000 So many things.
00:30:43.000 Yeah.
00:30:43.000 Yeah, they could have made some sort of a considerate...
00:30:46.000 He's probably got some at home, you know?
00:30:49.000 Probably.
00:30:50.000 You get on a plane after a fight with whoever at home...
00:30:53.000 Oh, yeah.
00:30:53.000 Oh, yeah.
00:30:54.000 Work sucks.
00:30:55.000 At home, he can't say it.
00:30:56.000 He's got somebody who he's fighting with who he needs to suppress.
00:31:00.000 Yeah.
00:31:01.000 And so the first motherfucker...
00:31:03.000 Yeah.
00:31:05.000 Or he's just a dick.
00:31:07.000 He's just an asshole.
00:31:08.000 Could be just a dick.
00:31:09.000 I can't get my head around that.
00:31:11.000 I always think it's something that's bothering him.
00:31:15.000 I can't get my head around somebody who's just like...
00:31:18.000 Well, some people think you have to be that way to get ahead.
00:31:21.000 You have to be a dick to get ahead.
00:31:23.000 There's people that have that mentality.
00:31:25.000 Right, and there's people that feel comfortable if they can do that.
00:31:28.000 Yeah.
00:31:29.000 They're just comfortable if they can have whatever they want.
00:31:32.000 So if you challenge it, they have their logic.
00:31:35.000 Usually it's just, fuck you.
00:31:36.000 Yeah.
00:31:37.000 I mean, he tried one argument and his second argument.
00:31:39.000 Yeah.
00:31:40.000 Was fuck you.
00:31:43.000 Some dudes like to just take up that kind of space, you know?
00:31:47.000 Just like, this is all mine, and fuck off.
00:31:51.000 And if I do one thing for somebody else, it's going to start chintzing in, so I'm not doing that.
00:31:56.000 So that's just how they live.
00:31:57.000 Some women do it too, but it's a different version of it.
00:32:01.000 Ah, no.
00:32:02.000 But the people that, like, this is all...
00:32:05.000 I was on a subway in New York once, and it was packed, and everyone's, you know, people like this, you're smushed against people, you know?
00:32:13.000 Your chest is against somebody's back, and we're all strap-hanging, and some people are sitting, and this woman had a salad, and she was eating it on the packed subway, and she was like, she had it out like this, and she's just stabbing that,
00:32:29.000 and she's just taking up all this space so she can eat her fucking chicken salad.
00:32:34.000 And all of us were just watching her.
00:32:37.000 Every person was just like, cunt.
00:32:39.000 You fucking stupid cunt.
00:32:41.000 Like black nurses that have been working 14 hours.
00:32:44.000 Just like, bitch.
00:32:47.000 Fucking bitch.
00:32:48.000 Anyway.
00:32:48.000 I mean, for her, it's probably the only time she has to eat.
00:32:51.000 The girl eating the salad?
00:32:52.000 I guess, yeah.
00:32:53.000 She probably had some reason.
00:32:54.000 She didn't look, she looked comfortable.
00:32:56.000 It's kind of a prison thing, too.
00:32:58.000 Maybe.
00:32:58.000 You put your arm around your food and you eat like this.
00:33:00.000 Yeah.
00:33:01.000 Yeah.
00:33:03.000 Have you ever been scared somebody's going to eat your food?
00:33:06.000 Maybe in high school.
00:33:08.000 Maybe.
00:33:09.000 Yeah.
00:33:10.000 Maybe.
00:33:10.000 Not really.
00:33:11.000 Newton South.
00:33:12.000 Yeah.
00:33:12.000 Maybe.
00:33:13.000 Some dickhead.
00:33:16.000 It wasn't very rough.
00:33:18.000 It wasn't very rough.
00:33:19.000 I mean, I'm thinking maybe.
00:33:20.000 I don't have a thought, a memory.
00:33:23.000 I remember the first conversation we had.
00:33:26.000 I guess I was like 20. Ever?
00:33:28.000 Really?
00:33:29.000 Yeah.
00:33:30.000 How old are you?
00:33:31.000 Because this reminds me of it, because it was about Newton South.
00:33:33.000 Oh, okay.
00:33:34.000 Cafeteria.
00:33:36.000 I'm 55. 55, too.
00:33:39.000 I'm 55. Okay, so we must have both been around 20. When you started comedy, you were 21?
00:33:43.000 Yeah.
00:33:44.000 All right, so I must have been the same age.
00:33:45.000 But we talked about fighting, because I found out you were a Taekwondo guy or something.
00:33:50.000 Is that what you fight?
00:33:51.000 Yeah.
00:33:53.000 And I asked you about fights.
00:33:54.000 I said, do you have skills for fighting in real life?
00:33:57.000 And you said, well, there's just some things you know that put you way at advantage with people that aren't fighters.
00:34:05.000 Like, you don't wait for the fight to start, you told me.
00:34:08.000 Like, you told me you were in a cafeteria once in South, and some kid came up.
00:34:13.000 You know, people think they're going to get to do a preamble.
00:34:16.000 They think that there's going to be a whole, hey, fuck you, and now they think there's going to be, like...
00:34:20.000 Yeah.
00:34:21.000 And as soon as you knew he was there to threaten you, you just punched him in the sternum and he just went down.
00:34:28.000 He's like, hey man, you're, ooh!
00:34:31.000 And then he just, anyway, so that was the first time you would explain that to me.
00:34:36.000 Yeah, that could have been avoided.
00:34:38.000 I thought about that one for a lot afterwards.
00:34:40.000 Yeah?
00:34:40.000 Yeah.
00:34:41.000 Yeah.
00:34:42.000 You think you'd jump the gun?
00:34:44.000 Sometimes you jump the gun, because with great power comes great responsibility.
00:34:50.000 That guy, he had no chance.
00:34:53.000 He was just bowing up.
00:34:54.000 He was just a knucklehead.
00:34:56.000 I should have probably let him slide.
00:35:00.000 That's funny.
00:35:01.000 Yeah, I think that's how you've changed, too.
00:35:03.000 Because you were really wired then.
00:35:05.000 You were tightly wired.
00:35:06.000 But we're talking then about me being 15 or 16. That's right.
00:35:09.000 And a trained fighter at a young age.
00:35:13.000 And it's also like, you've got this thing you want to try out.
00:35:16.000 It's like, you've got a fast car, you want to hit the gas.
00:35:17.000 Yeah, of course.
00:35:18.000 Let's see what happens.
00:35:20.000 Of course.
00:35:22.000 Because people, you know, in high school, you're kind of trying out, bowing up on people.
00:35:27.000 Right.
00:35:27.000 You know?
00:35:28.000 It's a pretty nuanced thing to ask a kid that age to know how to back off.
00:35:35.000 I don't need to fight you.
00:35:37.000 Yeah.
00:35:37.000 No, it's hard.
00:35:38.000 It's hard for kids.
00:35:39.000 I just watched this horrible brawl today that someone had put up on Twitter.
00:35:44.000 In a high school, it was terrible.
00:35:46.000 Where like, all these kids were fighting in the hallway and teachers were trying to separate it and this one kid threw this kid to the ground and punched him unconscious and the kid went into a seizure and like, oh god!
00:35:57.000 And it's awful and a lot of it is people that just don't know how to fight and they don't know how to defend themselves and then they're fucking flailing wildly at each other and this one guy knew something and he threw this guy to the ground and punched him out.
00:36:10.000 This school is so dangerous.
00:36:12.000 It's so dangerous because kids are just starting to get testosterone.
00:36:15.000 They're just starting to become like strong and like almost a man.
00:36:19.000 And lopsided too because there's other kids who didn't, it just didn't kick in yet.
00:36:24.000 Yeah.
00:36:25.000 Well, these kids were, there was none of that.
00:36:27.000 They were similar sized, but it was just awful.
00:36:30.000 It's just awful.
00:36:31.000 Yeah.
00:36:31.000 There's also weird energy in school for kids that age that's intricate.
00:36:37.000 I remember I saw a lot in my high school fights that were between friends because there's always somebody who wants people to fight.
00:36:45.000 There's always somebody who doesn't fight but wants a fight to happen.
00:36:49.000 Everybody wants to see it.
00:36:51.000 So you take a kid who's trying to get some kind of status with a certain group and they go, why are you friends with that guy?
00:36:59.000 You know?
00:36:59.000 Like, that guy's a pussy.
00:37:01.000 And they actually turn him on.
00:37:02.000 They want to see if they can make a kid fight a friend of his.
00:37:06.000 I saw that so many times.
00:37:08.000 And I saw a lot of kids that were tough, but had a head, you know, smart kids, who were...
00:37:14.000 I remember this one kid, his name was Chris, and his friend Doug was pushed into, like, I'm gonna kick your ass.
00:37:20.000 And Chris could have beat Doug, but he just started crying.
00:37:25.000 Because...
00:37:27.000 It was too much.
00:37:29.000 Yeah, pressure.
00:37:30.000 And he didn't want to fight his friend and he could hurt his friend real bad.
00:37:34.000 And he's isolated.
00:37:35.000 Everybody's around him.
00:37:36.000 He's like now the kid, the fag, you know?
00:37:39.000 And he just started crying.
00:37:41.000 And then everybody starts laughing at him because he's crying.
00:37:44.000 And now he's mad.
00:37:46.000 And he just beat Doug's face to red.
00:37:49.000 It's just red.
00:37:50.000 It's like he painted his face red.
00:37:52.000 Oh no.
00:37:53.000 One of the most humiliating fights I ever got into was there was never even a punch thrown.
00:37:58.000 It was me, I was 14, and there was this kid in the locker room.
00:38:02.000 And I don't remember what words were said, but we were standing in front of each other.
00:38:07.000 And this is before I even was really into martial arts.
00:38:09.000 This is one of the reasons I got into it.
00:38:11.000 This kid grabbed me in a headlock, threw me on the ground, and was gonna punch me in the face.
00:38:16.000 But then stopped and decided not to.
00:38:19.000 I was just going to let you up.
00:38:20.000 And I was like...
00:38:21.000 Oh no!
00:38:22.000 I was so humiliated!
00:38:24.000 I was so humiliated!
00:38:25.000 It would have been better if he hit you, because then you look a little bit tough for taking the punch.
00:38:29.000 Well, at least, I mean, he was so unconcerned that I could do something to him that he just let me up.
00:38:35.000 And then I would avoid him.
00:38:38.000 I would look down the hallway, and I would open up the door to the outside breezeway, and I saw him on the other side, and I'm like, I've got to go around this way.
00:38:45.000 I gotta keep away from that guy.
00:38:46.000 I was terrified of him.
00:38:47.000 Horrible.
00:38:48.000 Terrified of him for a full year.
00:38:50.000 When I was a senior, I never really got in fights.
00:38:54.000 I just didn't.
00:38:55.000 It just didn't happen to me.
00:38:56.000 I was kind of bigger than a lot of kids my age, so I guess that, you know, I just didn't, and I didn't have a lot of conflicts with people.
00:39:02.000 So I never really got much into fights.
00:39:03.000 I just sort of slid through, you know?
00:39:05.000 And then in senior year, I don't remember, junior or whatever, but I was high a lot, and I was in the library, and I was laughing.
00:39:13.000 I was making a lot of racket in the library.
00:39:15.000 I used to get yelled at all the time for being loud in the library.
00:39:19.000 And this kid who was a sophomore, little kid who was like this on me, kind of skinny and wearing a leather jacket, he goes, Hey, shut the fuck up!
00:39:32.000 Because he was just annoyed.
00:39:35.000 And the worst part is he was right.
00:39:37.000 Like I knew in my head, I'm being annoying.
00:39:39.000 Yeah.
00:39:40.000 But I said, fuck you.
00:39:41.000 Like, and I'm just like, it's status.
00:39:43.000 I'm a senior.
00:39:43.000 You're a sophomore.
00:39:45.000 Fuck you.
00:39:45.000 Shut up.
00:39:46.000 And he goes, what?
00:39:46.000 Fuck me?
00:39:47.000 And I go, yeah, fuck you.
00:39:48.000 And he comes over and he goes, you want to go right now?
00:39:51.000 I'll fucking kick the shit out.
00:39:53.000 He's smaller than me, but he's wiry.
00:39:55.000 And I'm like, I'm scared.
00:39:57.000 I was terrified.
00:39:58.000 Yeah.
00:39:59.000 Because I don't want to fight this kid.
00:40:01.000 Even if I win, I'm not going to go unscathed.
00:40:04.000 I don't want to get hurt.
00:40:05.000 I don't want to be punched in the face.
00:40:06.000 I don't want any of this to happen.
00:40:09.000 And he's standing above me, and he's like, you want to fucking go?
00:40:11.000 And I was just like, no, I don't want to.
00:40:14.000 I don't want to fight.
00:40:15.000 And he's like, then shut the fuck up then.
00:40:18.000 And I was like...
00:40:18.000 And my friends were so ashamed of me.
00:40:21.000 And for the rest of the year, I was terrified of this little...
00:40:24.000 This little kid scared.
00:40:25.000 I did an episode about it in my show, where some high school kid threatens to beat me up, and I back down, and I apologize to him.
00:40:34.000 Oh, God.
00:40:35.000 Because I don't want to get...
00:40:36.000 Yeah, that kid really...
00:40:38.000 He haunted me for a long time.
00:40:41.000 It can happen.
00:40:42.000 Yeah.
00:40:43.000 It can happen.
00:40:43.000 Yeah, and he's somewhere now, you know?
00:40:45.000 I got beat up on a bus by a girl when I was 14 because I didn't fight back.
00:40:49.000 I didn't know what to do.
00:40:50.000 I wasn't sure if I should hit her back.
00:40:52.000 Yeah.
00:40:52.000 When I lived in Newton, in Newton South, we would go to, I think it was Round Meadow, which was the middle school.
00:41:01.000 I think that's what it was.
00:41:02.000 Okay.
00:41:03.000 And we would walk across the field because my sister was going to the middle school and I was in ninth grade and she was in eighth grade.
00:41:10.000 So I would go and take the bus with her because like the bus was earlier or something.
00:41:14.000 I forget what it was.
00:41:15.000 Okay.
00:41:15.000 So I went over and something happened when I got on the bus and there was this girl who like was this tough girl, smoked cigarettes, she had a leather jacket.
00:41:23.000 I love those Newton tough girls.
00:41:24.000 Yeah.
00:41:24.000 And I don't remember what happened.
00:41:26.000 I don't remember what the conversation was, but she either decided I was in the wrong seat or whatever.
00:41:32.000 So she just starts wailing on me.
00:41:34.000 Like it wasn't even like I didn't argue back.
00:41:40.000 It was just like she just started punching me.
00:41:42.000 And then, this little guy who wound up being my friend, his name is Muggsy Malone, he wound up being, he later went on, I think he was a politician at one point in time.
00:41:54.000 He became my friend.
00:41:56.000 Yeah, but he was just a tiny little guy.
00:41:58.000 He was like in fifth grade.
00:41:59.000 And the girl beats me up, and then he comes over, he goes, I ain't fucking afraid of you either.
00:42:06.000 I'm like, oh, Jesus.
00:42:07.000 He's like, what the fuck?
00:42:09.000 Like you jumped on her side against you?
00:42:12.000 Yes, 100%.
00:42:12.000 It was one of those things where I was like, my god, I gotta learn how to fight.
00:42:15.000 It was really what turned me into a martial artist.
00:42:18.000 I was tired of being terrified.
00:42:20.000 This girl kicked my ass.
00:42:22.000 And I didn't even fight back.
00:42:23.000 I was just covering my head up and she was just fucking with a leather jacket on and a fucking cigarette.
00:42:29.000 What is her life that she needed to go right to Defcon 5?
00:42:32.000 Well, she wound up being the girlfriend of the guy who's the toughest guy on the wrestling team, which I joined the next season, so thank God I didn't swing back.
00:42:42.000 Yeah, that would have been horrible.
00:42:45.000 This guy, Mark Collins, who was the neighborhood tough guy, who wasn't even a small guy.
00:42:50.000 Wasn't even a big guy, rather.
00:42:51.000 He was a small guy, but he was just fucking intense, and he was a really good wrestler.
00:42:55.000 Yeah, I lived in Newtonville, which was like right along the highway.
00:42:59.000 And right next to Nonantum, which was all those Irish and Italian kids.
00:43:03.000 And so that's who I went to junior high school with and mostly high school.
00:43:07.000 But there was a lot of really terrifying kids.
00:43:11.000 There's a lot of scary kids.
00:43:12.000 Well, blue-collar communities.
00:43:14.000 Like, I was in Upper Falls.
00:43:15.000 Yeah.
00:43:16.000 In Newton Upper Falls.
00:43:16.000 There was a lot of fucking, a lot of drinking.
00:43:19.000 Yeah.
00:43:19.000 Everybody would hang out by Echo Bridge.
00:43:22.000 You remember Echo Bridge?
00:43:23.000 Yeah, sure.
00:43:23.000 That's where my house was.
00:43:24.000 Okay.
00:43:24.000 My house was right next to Echo Bridge.
00:43:25.000 Yeah, Newton had a lot of, like Cabot, I went to Cabot School, elementary school, and Cabot Park was a hang.
00:43:31.000 Mm-hmm.
00:43:32.000 And to cross Cabot Park, sometimes you'd get these guys that would just converge on you.
00:43:37.000 Mm-hmm.
00:43:37.000 And they would play games with you, and you didn't know what was going on.
00:43:42.000 Hey kid, come here, come here.
00:43:43.000 And then all of a sudden you're in the middle of the park and you're like, fuck.
00:43:46.000 I remember once this kid, he said, he had a $100 bill for some reason.
00:43:51.000 And he said, we're going to play this game.
00:43:52.000 And they're all surrounding me.
00:43:53.000 And he puts the $100 bill on my hand and he gives me a cigarette.
00:43:58.000 And he says, if you can burn a hole in his head all the way through, I'll give you the $100 bill.
00:44:04.000 And I was like, I don't want to.
00:44:05.000 I don't want to do it.
00:44:06.000 No, try it.
00:44:08.000 Try it.
00:44:09.000 And I was trying to do it and it hurt.
00:44:11.000 Like, fuck.
00:44:13.000 And I don't remember how that ended.
00:44:14.000 Like, I just remember that terrifying and they're all staring at me.
00:44:18.000 One time some kids had a cup of puke.
00:44:20.000 It was like a coffee cup with puke.
00:44:23.000 And he said, can you drink this whole thing?
00:44:25.000 If you drink this whole thing, we'll give you a beer.
00:44:27.000 That was that thing.
00:44:28.000 Oh, God.
00:44:30.000 Drink the beak and I'll give you a beer.
00:44:31.000 Yeah.
00:44:32.000 These guys just scared me.
00:44:34.000 And then when I grew up, I hung out with those kids and smoked cigarettes.
00:44:37.000 That's where I learned to smoke cigarettes in that park.
00:44:39.000 Oh, wow.
00:44:39.000 And I drank my first beer in that park.
00:44:41.000 But there was a kid named Mike who was the toughest kid in Newton.
00:44:46.000 He was just a fucking terrifying person.
00:44:50.000 And there was one point where this kid named David Russell, his family lived in Boston.
00:44:58.000 I don't know if you guys had Metco kids, the kids that were bused from Boston into our schools.
00:45:03.000 Black kids, all black kids from Boston who were bused into our school system.
00:45:07.000 It wasn't part of that bossing Boston thing.
00:45:10.000 It was out to the suburbs.
00:45:12.000 And these were kids that got up at 4 o'clock in the morning to go to school.
00:45:15.000 They were living a particular life and coming out to this suburb.
00:45:18.000 And some of them were my friends.
00:45:19.000 One of them was Ronnie DeVoe of Bell Biv DeVoe.
00:45:22.000 No shit.
00:45:22.000 Yeah, I went to high school with him.
00:45:24.000 Wow.
00:45:24.000 And I knew him since junior high school.
00:45:26.000 He was a nice kid.
00:45:27.000 And when he was in first edition or new edition, they used to come get him in a limousine.
00:45:35.000 And people would say, shout racist shit at the...
00:45:39.000 Bobby Brown and all these guys would be in the scene in high school.
00:45:42.000 It was so racist.
00:45:43.000 It was so crazy.
00:45:44.000 Yes.
00:45:45.000 So David Russell was a Medco kid and his family's house burnt down in Boston.
00:45:52.000 And a family in Newton, actually friends of mine, They had a rental unit and they let the Russells live there.
00:45:58.000 So it was like, there's a black family living in Newtonville.
00:46:01.000 It's a big deal.
00:46:02.000 And everyone was into, because it was all liberal teachers, everybody was into like, we're hosting this family because they lost their home.
00:46:10.000 So all of a sudden, David Russell's living in Newton.
00:46:12.000 He's not just going to school there.
00:46:13.000 And one day, Mike and his group confront David Russell in the park.
00:46:20.000 And they go, hey, listen, we're really happy you're here.
00:46:23.000 We want to show you this bench right here.
00:46:24.000 This is your bench.
00:46:26.000 And they had literally painted it black.
00:46:29.000 And they painted one of the swings black.
00:46:32.000 They said, this is the Russell swing.
00:46:34.000 This is the Russell bench.
00:46:35.000 You can use them anytime you want.
00:46:38.000 And I remember I heard that story and I went to the park that day and there was a black bench and a black swing.
00:46:44.000 And they were there.
00:46:44.000 I mean, I remember I went back when I was in my 20s.
00:46:47.000 And it was still a little...
00:46:48.000 Kind of black?
00:46:49.000 Yeah.
00:46:50.000 Wow.
00:46:50.000 Yeah, it was Newton, Massachusetts.
00:46:52.000 It's crazy.
00:46:53.000 Kids were latchkey kids back then.
00:46:56.000 Yeah.
00:46:56.000 Remember those days, you would just like...
00:46:57.000 Oh, your parents would work.
00:46:58.000 They'd just let you out.
00:47:00.000 There's no parents.
00:47:01.000 Yeah.
00:47:01.000 They'd come home.
00:47:01.000 My mom would come...
00:47:02.000 I was raised by a single mom.
00:47:04.000 She had four kids and worked.
00:47:06.000 So she'd come home at 7.30, 8 o'clock, rush hour traffic, just exhausted.
00:47:11.000 Yeah.
00:47:12.000 But I'd come home, make my own lunch and often dinner.
00:47:15.000 Yep.
00:47:16.000 Sometimes I'd make something for my mom, you know?
00:47:18.000 Yeah.
00:47:19.000 Yeah.
00:47:20.000 Home alone all day.
00:47:21.000 All day.
00:47:22.000 Out on the streets.
00:47:23.000 Out on the streets.
00:47:24.000 Nobody knew where you were.
00:47:25.000 There was no cell phones.
00:47:26.000 You just wandered around.
00:47:28.000 Yep.
00:47:29.000 And just hope you didn't die.
00:47:31.000 Yeah.
00:47:32.000 Because every now and then someone would die.
00:47:34.000 Someone would die in a drunk driving accident or something.
00:47:37.000 I think every year in my high school there would be a page in the yearbook for the kid that got killed in a drunk driving.
00:47:45.000 Yeah, something.
00:47:46.000 There was always something like that.
00:47:48.000 My best friend Ian, his sister Claire, was in a drunk driving accident where somebody died and half her face was paralyzed still today.
00:47:56.000 It was a fucked up time.
00:48:02.000 Getting through that though...
00:48:05.000 It's like a very unusual education in human beings and development and why people do the things they do and why they say the things they do and why they're trying out different kinds of behaviors and bullies and people who are pacifists and people who get bullied and you see it ruin their lives.
00:48:23.000 It can ruin your fucking life, man.
00:48:26.000 I really feel for people who get bullied.
00:48:29.000 Because if you get bullied in high school and you just decide, that's who I am.
00:48:32.000 I'm just this fucking loser.
00:48:33.000 I'm just going to hide.
00:48:34.000 And then you hide in your apartment and you hide in your house and you hide at your job.
00:48:38.000 And then your life is hiding now because somebody fucked with you and somebody...
00:48:42.000 Well, so you were very badly hurt when you were extremely vulnerable.
00:48:46.000 Exactly.
00:48:47.000 And you're probably hurt because you already were vulnerable.
00:48:50.000 You already were unsure of yourself for a million different reasons.
00:48:55.000 And so you never really recover from that, I don't think.
00:48:59.000 You can!
00:49:00.000 I mean, it doesn't mean it destroys your life, but it's in your life.
00:49:04.000 All the things that happen to you that are horrible, like unbelievable, they just stay with you.
00:49:10.000 They just become part of you.
00:49:12.000 You don't swap it out.
00:49:13.000 You don't clean it out.
00:49:16.000 You don't clean it out, but you can get over it.
00:49:19.000 You can get over it.
00:49:20.000 You can integrate it.
00:49:22.000 It can help you understand what's happening to other people.
00:49:26.000 It can help you even understand people that hurt people.
00:49:29.000 Like, when you get really hurt by people, you have two choices.
00:49:33.000 You can decide to collapse under it and say, I'm too weak to live in this world, or you can decide to hate them, which is another very corrosive thing.
00:49:41.000 You can just decide that they are shit, they're not human.
00:49:45.000 Or you can look at them and go, why did this person do this to me?
00:49:49.000 They've always been abused.
00:49:50.000 Yeah, and then you go, okay.
00:49:52.000 And then you get an insight that people don't get without that kind of experience.
00:49:57.000 And then you have a self-reliance because you go, I got through it.
00:50:01.000 I did it.
00:50:02.000 I got through it.
00:50:03.000 I think every extreme experience, bad and good, is food.
00:50:08.000 It has the potential for a learning experience.
00:50:12.000 Potential, yeah.
00:50:12.000 It's up to you.
00:50:13.000 It's totally up to you.
00:50:15.000 Yeah, like, all those stories about, like, me being bullied and thrown around, like, that's what led me to get into martial arts.
00:50:23.000 If it wasn't for that, I probably never would have done it, and I never would have been the person that I am.
00:50:27.000 Sure.
00:50:28.000 But all that came out of bad feelings, like, terrible, like, just moving to town.
00:50:33.000 So I was 14, I just moved there.
00:50:36.000 I lived in Jamaica Plain before that, and then we moved.
00:50:39.000 Oh, I didn't know that.
00:50:39.000 Yeah.
00:50:40.000 Well, how old were you when you moved from there?
00:50:42.000 I lived in Jamaica Plain for, I guess, a year and a half or so.
00:50:47.000 My parents were like, this is way too dangerous, we gotta get out of there.
00:50:50.000 It was sketchy.
00:50:53.000 Well now, I think Jamaica Plain's gentrified now.
00:50:55.000 Oh yeah, okay.
00:50:56.000 But when I was there, it was not.
00:50:59.000 When I was in, I guess it was eighth grade, seventh or eighth grade, there was a boy who was in our class who was 17 years old.
00:51:09.000 And I was like, what the fuck is he doing in class?
00:51:11.000 And what grade were you?
00:51:12.000 Seventh grade.
00:51:13.000 Oh, wow.
00:51:13.000 That's crazy.
00:51:14.000 It was crazy.
00:51:15.000 Yeah, he just kept falling out of school.
00:51:18.000 And he was in there, and he started off at the beginning like, I'm just gonna fucking do it this time.
00:51:24.000 And I remember being in class.
00:51:26.000 I was like a little kid.
00:51:27.000 He was like an adult.
00:51:28.000 So I was like, this is crazy.
00:51:30.000 And he fell off.
00:51:32.000 He was in class for a couple days, and then he stopped.
00:51:34.000 And I realized, like, oh, this poor guy.
00:51:36.000 Like, he's never going to catch up.
00:51:38.000 Like, he's fucked.
00:51:38.000 Because now he feels like a loser, and he feels like he's so far behind, he can't even do it anymore, and so he just dropped out.
00:51:44.000 But it was that kind of a neighborhood.
00:51:46.000 There was a lot of criminals in my neighborhood.
00:51:49.000 I mean, the other thing is that school makes people feel really shitty in some ways.
00:51:53.000 I always felt like a loser in school.
00:51:56.000 Me too.
00:51:57.000 I was always in trouble.
00:51:58.000 I was never...
00:51:59.000 I mean, I remember when I was in kindergarten, I was in first grade.
00:52:04.000 I was in Mexico City.
00:52:04.000 That's where I lived when I was little.
00:52:08.000 I don't remember much about that time, but I remember this one day.
00:52:11.000 We had desks while we were working, a desk folded down, and all your papers were in there.
00:52:17.000 And you had to keep it organized and keep handing stuff in, but I could never finish anything.
00:52:21.000 So my desk was always like, I couldn't close it.
00:52:24.000 And I hated this feeling, and the teachers, fucking angry Mexican teachers would scream at me.
00:52:31.000 And one day the teacher left us in the room alone, me and some kids for some reason.
00:52:35.000 And I took all the papers and I threw them out the window.
00:52:38.000 I opened the window and I threw all my papers out the window.
00:52:41.000 And the kids were like, what?
00:52:44.000 And they started screaming and everybody started throwing papers out the window.
00:52:48.000 It was like fucking Attica.
00:52:49.000 It was just nuts.
00:52:51.000 And then there was this pounding at the door and the teacher.
00:52:54.000 And I knew I'm in so much trouble right now.
00:52:56.000 Like I'm in beyond trouble.
00:52:58.000 But it felt so good.
00:53:00.000 It just felt so good to be like in this outside of the box.
00:53:05.000 Yeah.
00:53:06.000 You're not supposed to do that at all.
00:53:08.000 But it felt free.
00:53:09.000 I felt like some kind of adult or something, you know?
00:53:12.000 Isn't it funny those moments of rebellion, like early on, that really sit with you?
00:53:16.000 Like it felt so good.
00:53:18.000 Like it plants seeds for further rebellion in the future.
00:53:20.000 Yeah.
00:53:20.000 Well, once you get that feeling, you want it again and again, you know?
00:53:26.000 Because it takes you out of everything.
00:53:28.000 It's like, yeah, I may never get out of this class.
00:53:30.000 I may never finish any of these.
00:53:32.000 I might not graduate.
00:53:33.000 I might, you know?
00:53:34.000 Yeah.
00:53:35.000 But right now, I'm throwing all this shit out the window.
00:53:39.000 I'm alive.
00:53:39.000 Yeah.
00:53:41.000 Exactly.
00:53:41.000 It feels good for right now.
00:53:43.000 And it's hard to reconcile that.
00:53:45.000 I think that's a little bit of a comedian's, like, upbringing.
00:53:49.000 And then you have to start being a, you know...
00:53:51.000 Then you have kids and it all goes away.
00:53:53.000 You have kids.
00:53:54.000 And you grow right now.
00:53:55.000 Whatever's left, I think, when you have kids.
00:53:57.000 I mean, not for everybody.
00:53:58.000 There's some real douchebag parents.
00:54:00.000 But for the most part, I think once the kids come...
00:54:04.000 It's not about you anymore.
00:54:06.000 It's about them.
00:54:06.000 And it's bizarre watching them go through it.
00:54:10.000 Them going through, like, trying to find their identity and trying to find their friends group and little disputes that they have in their friends group.
00:54:18.000 Like, one of my daughters has this one little daughter, one little friend, rather, who's...
00:54:24.000 I don't want to say she's evil, but something's wrong.
00:54:27.000 Something's wrong.
00:54:28.000 She's just, like, always, like, very mean to the other girls and very insulting.
00:54:33.000 And for whatever reason, this girl just has, like, this fire inside of her.
00:54:39.000 And all the other 12-year-olds are starting to figure it out now, so they're starting to separate from her.
00:54:44.000 Like, they gave her a few chances.
00:54:46.000 Right.
00:54:46.000 And so now the mom is contacting the other moms, like, what's wrong?
00:54:50.000 She's such a sweet girl.
00:54:51.000 I'm like, no, your daughter's kind of a cunt.
00:54:55.000 It's weird.
00:54:55.000 And then, you know, me and my wife are having this conversation.
00:54:58.000 I'm like, do you think it's the mom?
00:54:59.000 Like, where's this coming from?
00:55:01.000 Do you think it's the family?
00:55:02.000 Like, how does a daughter get to be so insulting and shitty?
00:55:06.000 You've got to learn that.
00:55:07.000 You can't just be like the sweetest, kindest person in the world and have this fucking hyper-aggressive, shitty baby.
00:55:14.000 I mean, there's people like, I remember there was a kid when I grew up.
00:55:18.000 And he was a mess.
00:55:20.000 And he was huge.
00:55:22.000 He just got really huge.
00:55:23.000 In third grade, he was a formidable.
00:55:25.000 He was bigger than all of us.
00:55:27.000 And he was a really bright kid.
00:55:30.000 And he was funny and interesting.
00:55:32.000 But he had this crazy temper.
00:55:34.000 And he would throw these tantrums in the middle of class.
00:55:37.000 Like something would piss him off and he'd start screaming and throwing shit and he'd get violent.
00:55:42.000 And the teacher would go to the...
00:55:44.000 Back then there was like a box on the side of the classroom wall with a clock and a speaker and a button, like a microphone, like to call the office.
00:55:53.000 And they'd call the office and say, get Mr. Shanahan.
00:55:56.000 He was our one teacher who was big enough to handle this kid.
00:55:59.000 And he would come and just subdue him.
00:56:01.000 He'd wrap his arms around this kid.
00:56:03.000 And the kid's face would be purple.
00:56:05.000 And Mr. Shanahan would just subdue him until he ran out of, he would just collapse.
00:56:09.000 And we would all sit there and watch this.
00:56:11.000 And then he'd be taken out of the classroom.
00:56:14.000 And then we'd all talk about him.
00:56:17.000 But like, you know, the teacher would say, let's talk about it.
00:56:19.000 Yeah.
00:56:20.000 Like, what do you think's going on with John and how do we handle this?
00:56:23.000 Oh, that's cool.
00:56:24.000 He's in our communities, in our class.
00:56:26.000 Oh, that's a great teacher.
00:56:28.000 He was great, Mr. Weisberg.
00:56:30.000 Great teacher.
00:56:30.000 And then I was always in John's class, fourth grade, fifth grade.
00:56:33.000 And in fifth grade, we had a trip to Cape Cod.
00:56:37.000 The whole fifth grade class goes in cars in the caravan, you know, to Cape Cod.
00:56:43.000 And you live in tents and you visit the Cranberry Bogs, whatever the fuck you do in Cape Cod.
00:56:48.000 And it's a very social thing, you know?
00:56:50.000 So somebody's mom is driving, so they're like, you know, will you come in my car, you know?
00:56:55.000 That was the cool thing.
00:56:56.000 And I got invited to be in Jeff Drew's car.
00:56:58.000 And I was like, this is going to be...
00:57:00.000 I love Jeff Drew.
00:57:01.000 It's going to be me and him and Mike McDougal.
00:57:03.000 We're going to have a great time.
00:57:05.000 But the teacher pulled me aside and he said, listen, John, the fucked up kid, he goes, his parents have offered to drive and nobody wants to.
00:57:14.000 Drive with him.
00:57:16.000 I'm asking you to do it.
00:57:18.000 Oh boy.
00:57:19.000 And I was like, I don't want to do that.
00:57:21.000 And he said, I'm asking you because I think you're a nice person and you're the one person I can think of that I could ask, could you make this sacrifice and let him not feel so isolated?
00:57:32.000 And I was like, fuck.
00:57:34.000 And that made me feel good that he wanted me to do it.
00:57:38.000 And I did it.
00:57:39.000 And I got to know him.
00:57:41.000 And he was a really cool kid.
00:57:43.000 And his parents were both professors.
00:57:46.000 Really, really bright people.
00:57:48.000 His father had killed himself.
00:57:50.000 But his stepfather and his mother were professors.
00:57:53.000 Really intelligent people.
00:57:55.000 That's probably where it came from.
00:57:56.000 I think so.
00:57:56.000 It was really hard.
00:57:58.000 His life was really hard.
00:57:59.000 And then I knew him for years after that.
00:58:01.000 We were friends, but he would always explode.
00:58:04.000 All the way until, you know, 17 or so.
00:58:07.000 The last time I saw him, he was like 16, I think.
00:58:10.000 And he was still...
00:58:11.000 We were talking outside of a Brigham's Ice Cream in Newton Center.
00:58:15.000 And he was leaning on the glass of the window.
00:58:19.000 And this guy came outside and said, don't lean on the glass.
00:58:21.000 And so he kicked it and shattered the whole...
00:58:25.000 The whole window, and I walked away.
00:58:27.000 I'm like, I don't ever want to see this kid again.
00:58:29.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:58:30.000 But anyway, just to say that, yeah, the point of it is, I tried to stay friends with that kid.
00:58:36.000 When there's a kid who's really fucked up and has a wire loose, someone's got to be their friend.
00:58:43.000 Yeah.
00:58:43.000 I don't think, you know, it's like I've had girlfriends that are like really cuckoo and my friends have been like, she's bad news.
00:58:50.000 She's crazy.
00:58:50.000 I'm like, well, somebody has to love her.
00:58:51.000 I mean, if everybody walks away from her because she's nuts, she's going to be alone.
00:58:57.000 Oh, that was always the case with Brian Callen.
00:58:59.000 With Brian Callen, me and Brian Callen, like Brian Callen was always like the guy who took in all the strays.
00:59:05.000 He was like, everything's going to be fine.
00:59:06.000 She's fine.
00:59:07.000 She's fine.
00:59:07.000 We're fine.
00:59:08.000 And I was always, you know, his friend going, hey man, you gotta fucking get out of this.
00:59:12.000 Right.
00:59:13.000 Like, you gotta get out of this now.
00:59:14.000 This is a dark road you're going down.
00:59:16.000 Sure.
00:59:16.000 This is only gonna lead to doom.
00:59:18.000 Yeah.
00:59:18.000 And he was always like, hey, you know, someone's gotta be your girlfriend.
00:59:21.000 Yeah.
00:59:23.000 I've had a few friendships and relationships like that.
00:59:25.000 Yes.
00:59:25.000 Where I'm like, this person's tough.
00:59:28.000 Like comedian friends that I've had that everybody else is like, I hate that guy.
00:59:31.000 I'm like, I get it.
00:59:32.000 I'm staying friends with him.
00:59:33.000 I get it.
00:59:33.000 I'm not going to defend him all over the place.
00:59:35.000 Oh, you're talking to me.
00:59:36.000 I'm friends with Alex Jones.
00:59:38.000 Jesus Christ.
00:59:40.000 Jesus Christ.
00:59:41.000 That's the ultimate example of that.
00:59:43.000 Oh!
00:59:45.000 Yeah.
00:59:45.000 On a big scale, too.
00:59:46.000 That's got to be hard.
00:59:47.000 The biggest scale.
00:59:48.000 Oh, God.
00:59:49.000 The biggest scale in the world.
00:59:50.000 That takes a lot of fortitude to hang in there.
00:59:53.000 He's not a bad guy.
00:59:55.000 He had a psychotic break.
00:59:57.000 Alex Jones got dumped on his head when he was in high school.
01:00:01.000 He's speaking about getting bullied in high school.
01:00:03.000 This guy picked him up and pile-drived him, slammed him on the concrete on his head.
01:00:09.000 Was it John Ronson that did a documentary about him?
01:00:12.000 He did his thing on NPR. John Ronson did a thing with him where they both went to Bohemian Grove.
01:00:18.000 Where he grew up?
01:00:19.000 No, no.
01:00:20.000 Bohemian Grove is this place in California where all the elites go and they put fucking druid costumes on.
01:00:26.000 Oh, God.
01:00:26.000 And they worship Moloch, the owl god.
01:00:28.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:00:29.000 And Nixon went there, and Reagan went there.
01:00:32.000 Nixon went there?
01:00:33.000 Yeah.
01:00:33.000 Oh, I thought you were talking about Bohemian Grove.
01:00:36.000 You don't know what it is?
01:00:37.000 Bohemian Grove is a famous place where rich world leaders would meet in Northern California and they literally worship this Moloch the owl god and everybody thought it was bullshit but John Ronson And Alex Jones snuck in.
01:00:56.000 And this is in, like, the 90s?
01:00:59.000 I want to say this is the 90s.
01:01:00.000 I've been friends with Alex since 1998. Wow.
01:01:04.000 That's how I know him.
01:01:04.000 I knew him back when he was protesting George Bush.
01:01:07.000 And he was saying that, you know, George Bush is a warmonger and a war hawk.
01:01:12.000 Which one?
01:01:12.000 For a second one?
01:01:13.000 W. W, when W was running for president.
01:01:15.000 Yeah.
01:01:16.000 Back when W. was the governor of Texas.
01:01:18.000 Right.
01:01:19.000 So this idea that he was this right-wing guy.
01:01:22.000 He was always this anti-power guy.
01:01:24.000 But he was dumped on his head in high school, on the concrete, when he was 15, 16 years old.
01:01:32.000 And he was fucked ever since then.
01:01:34.000 And he has real mental problems sometimes.
01:01:36.000 And if he's drinking a lot, and then he takes in too much conspiracy shit, he starts believing things that aren't real.
01:01:43.000 Ruining folks' lives.
01:01:45.000 And that's what he did.
01:01:46.000 Yeah, he started believing.
01:01:48.000 But he wasn't lying.
01:01:51.000 He just was wrong.
01:01:52.000 He really believed that the government had faked it to try to confiscate people's weapons.
01:01:57.000 But it was a haze of drugs and booze and a psychotic break and legitimate traumatic brain injury.
01:02:08.000 There's a lot going on there.
01:02:10.000 Well, you know, pretending that he wasn't the way to start this conversation, I remember when that happened, Sandy Hook.
01:02:17.000 That was Sandy Hook, right?
01:02:18.000 And I remember that the media went up there right away.
01:02:22.000 I remember it made me really sick because there's such a horrible thing that happened.
01:02:27.000 And what everybody should have done is just let the chief of police talk to you and let him say, we don't know these things yet.
01:02:34.000 Just wait.
01:02:34.000 Just wait for information to come out of this very painful place.
01:02:38.000 But the media flew in.
01:02:39.000 Of course.
01:02:40.000 And they're on the fucking grounds of the school.
01:02:42.000 And Anderson Cooper is talking to fucking kids who were there.
01:02:47.000 And their parents have their hands on the kids' shoulders.
01:02:49.000 And you can see in both the kids' face and the parents' face that they're not sure they should be doing this.
01:02:53.000 They don't know.
01:02:54.000 We take for granted this thing of being exposed to the media and being talking on cameras.
01:03:00.000 Right.
01:03:01.000 And there's been things, of course, in your life, in my life, where you say something or have an experience, and then afterwards you go, fuck, I wish I hadn't said that, or I didn't know how this would feel, is the thing, right?
01:03:12.000 So somebody who's not even in public life and who just suffered an off-the-charts trauma...
01:03:18.000 And Anderson Cooper and his producers going, no, you should talk, talking them into it.
01:03:23.000 Saying, you should talk to the world right now.
01:03:26.000 You should be on the news talking about it now.
01:03:29.000 We don't want to wait till later.
01:03:31.000 We don't want to do an expose.
01:03:32.000 Ten years later, what was it like, or even a year.
01:03:34.000 We want to know right now.
01:03:35.000 Why does it have to be now?
01:03:37.000 Why can't you just talk to the stoic chief of police who says, here's what.
01:03:41.000 Why?
01:03:41.000 Because it's just dirty greed.
01:03:43.000 It's just dirty.
01:03:45.000 I want it.
01:03:46.000 It'll be great on camera.
01:03:47.000 Yep.
01:03:48.000 I don't give a fuck what happens to this person when I leave Sandy Hook today.
01:03:50.000 I don't give a shit.
01:03:51.000 I'll be back in my CNN studios.
01:03:53.000 I'm picking him because that's the face I remember.
01:03:56.000 And the fact that they were there, it's just macabre and it's ghoulish.
01:04:00.000 And it's gross.
01:04:01.000 And it puts those people in a very vulnerable, fucked up position that they didn't anticipate.
01:04:05.000 They had no idea.
01:04:06.000 And I'm talking out of school because I didn't experience what they experienced.
01:04:09.000 But as a person sitting and watching, I'm like, I'm being told too much.
01:04:13.000 I know too much about this too soon.
01:04:16.000 And that's not because I need to know or it's going to help fix what happened.
01:04:21.000 It's because somebody just wanted it.
01:04:24.000 Because it drives ratings.
01:04:25.000 That's it.
01:04:25.000 That's it.
01:04:26.000 It's just money.
01:04:27.000 Yeah.
01:04:27.000 And there's been extensions of that throughout the history since then.
01:04:31.000 Every time something bad happens, nobody slows down and thinks about it.
01:04:38.000 Well, there's also a thing that happens where you get eyewitness accounts that are all fucked up.
01:04:42.000 And one of the reasons why eyewitness accounts that are fucked up is because when people experience a traumatic incident, their memory is very confused.
01:04:51.000 You are working with a part of your brain that's like this reptilian part of your brain that's like completely freaked out that something horrible happened.
01:05:00.000 And that happened after 9-11.
01:05:02.000 Like, after 9-11, everybody wanted to believe that this was some grand conspiracy because there was all these bizarre eyewitness accounts.
01:05:09.000 Oh, I heard a bomb go off.
01:05:11.000 I heard this.
01:05:11.000 I heard that.
01:05:12.000 These people flabbergasted.
01:05:15.000 They don't know what the fuck happened.
01:05:16.000 They were so overwhelmed and blown away by the moment.
01:05:20.000 There just should be, every time something awful happens, there should just be a blackout.
01:05:24.000 Like, just a period where, let's not talk to anybody.
01:05:26.000 Don't talk to the traumatized.
01:05:28.000 Well, going there and sticking a fucking microphone in their face is evil.
01:05:30.000 It's just so gross.
01:05:31.000 And it's par for the course.
01:05:33.000 It's like how it's done.
01:05:34.000 And then they're reporting from the place.
01:05:36.000 And imagine what it's like being in that community and there's fucking a van with a...
01:05:41.000 What are you doing here?
01:05:45.000 It's obscene.
01:05:46.000 Yeah, it is obscene.
01:05:47.000 It's obscene and it's normal.
01:05:49.000 That's what they operate under.
01:05:50.000 That's their currency.
01:05:52.000 I guess so, yeah.
01:05:53.000 I don't think they think about it anymore.
01:05:55.000 I don't think they think about it because there's a diffusion of responsibility when you work for a large corporation.
01:06:00.000 That's the job that has to get done.
01:06:01.000 We've got to go there.
01:06:02.000 It's not my call.
01:06:04.000 If it was my call, I'd stay in the studio.
01:06:05.000 I'm a good person.
01:06:07.000 I remember I was at Fox News once because I was shooting a sketch with Greg, what's his name?
01:06:16.000 Geraldo?
01:06:16.000 No, no.
01:06:18.000 Fox News, he's got a funny talk show.
01:06:20.000 A film?
01:06:20.000 Gutfeld.
01:06:21.000 Gutfeld.
01:06:23.000 This was when he was just sort of...
01:06:24.000 He didn't have the Gutfeld show.
01:06:27.000 Red Eye?
01:06:28.000 I think it was Red Eye.
01:06:29.000 But he let us shoot a thing where it was a sketch for my show.
01:06:32.000 It was like a scene for my show where I'm debating with a woman who's against masturbation, and I'm the guy on pro-masturbation.
01:06:42.000 And he was the moderator, and we had this TV news thing.
01:06:45.000 It was a silly episode of my show.
01:06:48.000 Anyway, so I got to go to the studios to shoot it, and Gutfeld was really cool.
01:06:52.000 I like him.
01:06:53.000 He's a good guy.
01:06:53.000 He's a nice guy.
01:06:55.000 So I sat in the...
01:06:56.000 They didn't have a place for us yet, and they let me...
01:06:59.000 I asked if I could go in a control room, and they're like, okay.
01:07:03.000 And I sat in this control room because I love television.
01:07:06.000 I love being behind the scenes.
01:07:08.000 And the president was making a speech.
01:07:11.000 It was Obama.
01:07:11.000 He's making a speech and I was in the live fucking in the room, the Fox Newsroom, watching them do their thing.
01:07:19.000 And Bill O'Reilly's on this camera having his hair done.
01:07:22.000 And this guy's over here looking at, you know, and a girl's got, she's getting makeup.
01:07:27.000 Everybody's getting ready.
01:07:28.000 The president is in the corner and the sound's off.
01:07:31.000 Nobody's listening to the president.
01:07:33.000 He's giving a speech and nobody's, they're just going, Alex, what do you got, Alex?
01:07:36.000 And Alex is like, did you get the fucking guy?
01:07:38.000 Everybody's cursing and trying to line up guests for interviews.
01:07:43.000 And just, it was fascinating to watch.
01:07:45.000 And the second the president is done, they go to whoever is, Not Alex Jones.
01:07:51.000 What am I talking about?
01:07:51.000 The guy who was the big Fox News guys back then.
01:07:54.000 Bill O'Reilly.
01:07:55.000 Bill O'Reilly.
01:07:56.000 Yeah.
01:07:57.000 They go to Bill O'Reilly and he goes, well, this is just the president doing the same thing.
01:08:00.000 He wasn't listening.
01:08:01.000 Nobody listened to the speech.
01:08:03.000 They just go, this is just bullshit.
01:08:05.000 We don't believe in him and this guy and this guy.
01:08:07.000 And I saw how fast and they were so urgent.
01:08:10.000 It was so urgent that they get in right away.
01:08:13.000 And I know that the same things happen in an MSNBC and CNN. They're not thinking about anything.
01:08:18.000 They already know their reaction.
01:08:20.000 Yeah.
01:08:20.000 And they got to come in with it really quick because because it's got to get in here.
01:08:25.000 Before anything else, it's got to, you know, so nobody listens to, if there was like a thing where you need to take a day after his speech, you have to read it, you have to watch it, and discuss it with the staff, and then make a decision, make a speech, you know, an opinion,
01:08:41.000 the opinion would be like, he's got points and blah, you know what I mean?
01:08:45.000 It would definitely be, and it would move the ball forward, and it would get people to hear each other more.
01:08:50.000 But there's such a need.
01:08:52.000 Because it's entertainment.
01:08:53.000 Yeah.
01:08:54.000 You have to be there right away with a rebuttal.
01:08:56.000 Yeah.
01:08:57.000 Well, you know what it is, is like, it's entertainment disguised as news for minimally engaged, casual viewers.
01:09:06.000 Yeah.
01:09:06.000 Because it's not really people that are completely locked in for the most part.
01:09:10.000 Not into it, no.
01:09:10.000 Most people are just flipping through the channels and, you know, something outrageous like, what I think he's doing is bad for America.
01:09:16.000 Oh, bad for America.
01:09:17.000 What is he doing?
01:09:19.000 And then you'll tune in.
01:09:20.000 But if they don't say that, you're not going to pay attention, and then they're going to lose out on that Pfizer dollars that's going to come during the outbreak.
01:09:26.000 If you say what you really think, it would be like, well, we'll see.
01:09:32.000 It should be fine.
01:09:33.000 In other ways, it won't be, but nobody wants to watch that.
01:09:36.000 Well, because of the format, it's just a trick to get you to watch a commercial for Colgate.
01:09:41.000 Well, that's the old days.
01:09:42.000 That's the old days.
01:09:43.000 It is now, too.
01:09:44.000 If they can't get you to stick around and wait for the commercials, they don't make any money.
01:09:49.000 The whole deal is they have to be engaging enough to get you locked in so you can see that Toyota truck commercial.
01:09:55.000 And if they don't, they don't make the money.
01:09:57.000 No, that's the same with the little videos, too.
01:09:59.000 Like, have you ever seen...
01:10:00.000 Back when there was police shooting videos, black people that were coming up a lot, they'd always...
01:10:05.000 Some news organization would get it.
01:10:07.000 It would be theirs.
01:10:08.000 And you go on YouTube to watch it, and there's an ad.
01:10:11.000 So it's like Snapple.
01:10:12.000 Yep.
01:10:13.000 The guy gets beat up, and then Snapple again at the end.
01:10:15.000 Isn't that wild?
01:10:16.000 Yeah.
01:10:16.000 And they make money off that.
01:10:17.000 Snapple is like...
01:10:20.000 So strange.
01:10:22.000 The news is so bizarre.
01:10:23.000 The format is so bizarre.
01:10:25.000 We get what we want from it, though, because everybody likes to be entertained by news.
01:10:30.000 It's like drug use.
01:10:31.000 If there isn't the user, then the dealer goes broke.
01:10:35.000 Well, it's way less popular than it's ever been in human history.
01:10:38.000 In the history of television news, the evening news and CNN, those things, are less popular than they've ever been.
01:10:48.000 Ever.
01:10:49.000 And it's because people are tired of it.
01:10:51.000 It's a shitty format and in comparison to long-form discussions like independent interview shows like you know there's so many different political shows now and podcasts where people have nuanced perspectives and if you really want to understand what's going on in the world like Complicated issues like the invasion of Ukraine by Russia.
01:11:11.000 You need people to break it down to you and they're not going to get it in five minutes.
01:11:16.000 You're going to get, they hate us for our freedom.
01:11:19.000 That's what you're going to get in five minutes.
01:11:20.000 You're going to get nonsense talking points.
01:11:22.000 Now, I remember when I grew up, Walter Cronkite was still on the air somewhere.
01:11:26.000 I remember he was on CBS, I think.
01:11:29.000 My earliest news memory.
01:11:31.000 Yeah.
01:11:32.000 Was when Apollo and Soyuz, the Russian and the American capsule, docked in mid-space.
01:11:40.000 There was something where they were both up there once and they ran into each other and saw each other from the window and kind of got close and thought, hey, what if we could meet?
01:11:49.000 So they went back and they fashioned a dock.
01:11:53.000 This is like in the early 70s or mid-70s.
01:11:56.000 And they went up and they docked and then they hung out and drank vodka.
01:12:01.000 Anyway, it was during the Cold War.
01:12:03.000 It was a big deal.
01:12:05.000 And I remember Walter Cronkite, I think this is what I remember.
01:12:08.000 I could be wrong.
01:12:09.000 But Walter Cronkite saying, if you live in the northeast of the United States, if you go outside tonight, if you look up, you'll see a red light and a white light blinking next to each other, and that's them in orbit.
01:12:21.000 And I went up and I fucking saw it, and it just blew my mind.
01:12:25.000 And the way he said it with a little bit of a smirk, like, isn't that cool?
01:12:29.000 Because he was very stoic.
01:12:30.000 But there was a thing back then where there was just him and David Brinkley.
01:12:34.000 It was a couple of news organizations and then like PBS. And you kind of got a sense that they were on it.
01:12:41.000 And also that it wasn't fun.
01:12:44.000 They had ethics, that it took years of training in college and school to get through, and a system of a hierarchy of whatever, internships.
01:12:54.000 That by the time you were running the network news, you were a serious person that took it seriously.
01:13:02.000 And I remember maybe in the mid-80s when I started to hear this sound from the news.
01:13:09.000 That I thought, what are you doing?
01:13:11.000 And then sometimes it sounded like this.
01:13:15.000 Right.
01:13:15.000 And they're saying...
01:13:16.000 And I was like, what are you fucking...
01:13:18.000 I could hear the bullshit.
01:13:20.000 Yeah.
01:13:21.000 And I knew that they were...
01:13:22.000 But back then they were just trying to make it sound interesting when it wasn't.
01:13:27.000 They didn't start having this opinion thing yet, you know?
01:13:30.000 Right.
01:13:31.000 But it became a show.
01:13:32.000 And now it's a show about opinions.
01:13:33.000 It's entertainment.
01:13:35.000 And like any other entertainment organization in America, they ran it way past the finish.
01:13:40.000 They went way past it.
01:13:41.000 Nobody likes it anymore.
01:13:43.000 And they're running it to the ground.
01:13:45.000 They don't know when to stop.
01:13:47.000 Yeah.
01:13:48.000 Well, that's the train they're on, right?
01:13:50.000 Do you think Fox started it?
01:13:51.000 Was it Fox that started this aggressive sort of opinion version of the news?
01:13:57.000 Were they the first and then everybody else sort of had to respond to it?
01:14:00.000 Maybe.
01:14:01.000 I don't know.
01:14:02.000 Fox is the first to put hot ladies in short skirts.
01:14:05.000 They were the first.
01:14:06.000 Well, there was, I mean, look, Barbara Walters was hot when she started.
01:14:10.000 Right, but she dressed appropriately.
01:14:12.000 She was very attractive, but she dressed appropriately.
01:14:15.000 Do you remember thinking that?
01:14:16.000 Yes, I do.
01:14:17.000 When you were a kid?
01:14:18.000 You know what?
01:14:18.000 She's attractive.
01:14:19.000 She's very composed and she dressed appropriately.
01:14:22.000 The way she handled Sean Connery was great.
01:14:25.000 Yeah.
01:14:26.000 I liked her.
01:14:27.000 I found her.
01:14:28.000 I liked the bump on her nose.
01:14:30.000 She had kind of a funny face.
01:14:31.000 You liked that?
01:14:32.000 Yeah.
01:14:32.000 Why'd you like that?
01:14:33.000 I don't know.
01:14:34.000 I liked Barbra Streisand.
01:14:35.000 It was sort of the same for me.
01:14:36.000 I liked Lauren Hutton because she had that gap in her teeth.
01:14:38.000 Yeah.
01:14:39.000 Little flaws are very, very attractive.
01:14:41.000 Yeah.
01:14:42.000 Barbra Streisand was in this movie.
01:14:46.000 What's it called?
01:14:47.000 Stars Born?
01:14:48.000 No, fucking with Ryan O'Neal.
01:14:51.000 It's a great movie.
01:14:53.000 Peter Bogdanovich who just died.
01:14:56.000 Does this fella know?
01:14:57.000 The Way We Were?
01:14:58.000 No, it was a comedy.
01:15:01.000 What's Up Doc?
01:15:02.000 What's Up Doc?
01:15:04.000 Great movie.
01:15:05.000 Holds up.
01:15:05.000 Yeah?
01:15:06.000 Hilariously funny movie.
01:15:08.000 Really?
01:15:08.000 And she was funny as fuck.
01:15:11.000 To me, I always liked funny women when I grew up.
01:15:13.000 I was raised by a single mom, so women being like, you know, three sisters.
01:15:18.000 My whole life, I've raised two girls.
01:15:21.000 All my dogs have been women.
01:15:23.000 Your dogs are women?
01:15:24.000 Well, girls.
01:15:25.000 I don't know.
01:15:26.000 Women.
01:15:26.000 I respect them.
01:15:28.000 They're not girls.
01:15:29.000 I get it.
01:15:29.000 Yeah.
01:15:32.000 But I always liked her.
01:15:33.000 She was funny and sexy.
01:15:36.000 She was hot in the young days.
01:15:38.000 Yes.
01:15:38.000 And she was young.
01:15:40.000 Mm-hmm.
01:15:40.000 She did have that look.
01:15:42.000 Yep.
01:15:43.000 Big nose.
01:15:44.000 Hot Jewish lady.
01:15:45.000 Yeah.
01:15:45.000 Yeah.
01:15:46.000 Hot Jewish girls.
01:15:47.000 Ooh.
01:15:48.000 Yeah.
01:15:49.000 Well, growing up in Newton.
01:15:51.000 Yeah.
01:15:51.000 Yeah.
01:15:52.000 The hot Jewish girls were the thing.
01:15:53.000 Yes.
01:15:54.000 And they were cool, and they were brassy, and they'd just say the thing.
01:15:57.000 No, my girlfriend in high school was Jewish, and I was deeply in love with her.
01:16:02.000 I had one year, senior year.
01:16:04.000 Yeah?
01:16:04.000 Girlfriend.
01:16:05.000 She was great.
01:16:06.000 I didn't care about anything else.
01:16:08.000 How did it fall apart?
01:16:09.000 She went to college, and I didn't.
01:16:11.000 I never went to college.
01:16:11.000 So she went to Dartmouth.
01:16:13.000 So now she's in like...
01:16:14.000 Ivy League school.
01:16:15.000 She can't be hanging out with a loser like you.
01:16:17.000 Fucking no.
01:16:17.000 And I'm like showing up in a Datsun B210 to visit her.
01:16:21.000 Hi.
01:16:21.000 And I saw the look on her face like, dude, you know you can't.
01:16:25.000 You see these people?
01:16:27.000 Yeah.
01:16:27.000 Nah, man.
01:16:28.000 This is over.
01:16:30.000 Hurt really bad, too.
01:16:31.000 I saw her recently.
01:16:32.000 She came and saw me on the road.
01:16:33.000 Oh, really?
01:16:34.000 Yeah, I'm so happy to see her.
01:16:35.000 God, that's got to be bizarre.
01:16:37.000 Yes.
01:16:38.000 First girlfriend, and we're in our 50s.
01:16:40.000 Ooh.
01:16:42.000 Wow.
01:16:43.000 Do you ever see any of your exes?
01:16:45.000 No, not...
01:16:46.000 I ran into my ex from high school when I was 25 or 26 in New York.
01:16:55.000 Oh, it's not that far after her.
01:16:57.000 No, it wasn't that far after, but it was interesting.
01:16:59.000 It was like we were kind of adults now, and we hung out a little bit, but then we went on a little road trip together, and she was so annoying.
01:17:08.000 She was so annoying that I faked that I had—my friend called me up, and I faked that I forgot to take him somewhere so I could get rid of her.
01:17:17.000 I go, I'm so sorry I forgot.
01:17:19.000 My friend Johnny's on the phone going, what the fuck are you talking about?
01:17:22.000 I go, dude, I forgot I'm supposed to take you there.
01:17:24.000 I'm really sorry.
01:17:26.000 I go, listen, let me take care of it.
01:17:28.000 I can still do it.
01:17:29.000 Don't worry, I can take care of it.
01:17:30.000 I told her I'm really sorry, but I gotta drive my friend.
01:17:34.000 I've lied to a lot of people.
01:17:38.000 That was a good one.
01:17:39.000 That was one that I just, I really wish I hadn't done it.
01:17:42.000 I really wish I had confronted her and said, listen, I know, because she drove from like D.C. to visit me.
01:17:49.000 But it was awful.
01:17:50.000 It was awful.
01:17:51.000 She was just nagging.
01:17:52.000 She would just like, don't do this, don't do that.
01:17:55.000 Like I try to listen to music in the car.
01:17:56.000 She's like, I don't want to hear that.
01:17:58.000 It wasn't like, why don't we listen to something that we both like.
01:18:01.000 It wasn't a conversation.
01:18:02.000 It was just, and I remember like, oh, this is what you were like in high school.
01:18:06.000 This is what she was like.
01:18:07.000 So she just wanted that back.
01:18:09.000 I think for some people that's a way of showing affection.
01:18:12.000 I don't think it was with her.
01:18:14.000 No?
01:18:14.000 No.
01:18:15.000 She was just a really strong girl and she became a strong woman.
01:18:19.000 She was very smart and just very rigid in what she wanted and what she didn't want.
01:18:27.000 And she just was...
01:18:31.000 For lack of a better term, she was a bitch.
01:18:34.000 And you were only 25. Yeah, and also I was free at the time.
01:18:39.000 I mean, I was 25 and I was finally a professional comedian.
01:18:41.000 I was actually making a living.
01:18:42.000 I was doing comedy clubs.
01:18:44.000 I was doing okay.
01:18:46.000 I mean, that gets back to the thing of life being normal and competing with comedy.
01:18:50.000 Yeah.
01:18:51.000 Because comedy is a weird life.
01:18:53.000 It's too much fun.
01:18:54.000 It is.
01:18:54.000 I was like, you're not going to drag me into this shit.
01:18:56.000 I know where this goes.
01:18:57.000 This goes to me being a henpecked husband.
01:18:59.000 Yeah.
01:19:00.000 And you, you're yelling at me because I didn't do what you wanted me to do.
01:19:03.000 No, and you're already, you're sleeping until two in the afternoon if you feel like it.
01:19:06.000 Right.
01:19:07.000 And you're working.
01:19:08.000 Oh, it's a joke to call it work.
01:19:10.000 Yeah.
01:19:11.000 You're hanging out with guys that you like and you're just out and meeting anybody you want and you're in New York City.
01:19:17.000 You're like living Miles Davis's life.
01:19:19.000 Yeah.
01:19:19.000 Yeah.
01:19:20.000 It was even worse than that because I was hanging out at pool halls, too.
01:19:23.000 Oh, yeah.
01:19:24.000 So that was my pool hall days.
01:19:26.000 So all day long, this is what my day was.
01:19:29.000 I'd wake up whenever, I'd go to the gym, I'd get a workout in, and then I would go to the pool hall.
01:19:33.000 And I would go to the pool hall in the afternoon, and I'd hang out with the guys, we'd play pool, we'd talk shit, we'd have some lunch or whatever, and then I'd go do shows.
01:19:41.000 So I'd do shows at night, and then I'd come back to the pool hall at midnight, 1 o'clock in the morning, and it would be packed.
01:19:47.000 And those fucking animals would be in there gambling and talking shit and doing drugs.
01:19:51.000 And they would stay up till 5, 6 o'clock in the morning.
01:19:54.000 And then we would go to the Star Diner in Mount Vernon, New York.
01:19:58.000 And we'd eat cheeseburgers.
01:20:00.000 Like a cheeseburger deluxe.
01:20:02.000 It was a cheeseburger with coleslaw on it and pickles and onions.
01:20:05.000 And then I'd go to sleep, and I'd wake up and do it all again.
01:20:08.000 So I had this life of just being around these degenerate bachelors that were fun people with great stories, and they were always gambling.
01:20:17.000 Everybody was gambling.
01:20:19.000 And we were just playing pool all the time.
01:20:21.000 And to this girl who was telling me, don't play that music, I don't like that music.
01:20:24.000 I go, well, what do you like?
01:20:27.000 She was just like, everything was like, you know, don't chew that way, don't do this, don't do that.
01:20:33.000 Especially in New York, because it was wide open and it was infinite and open all night.
01:20:38.000 And I remember those early years in my 20s, living in New York, and I would do sets till four in the morning sometimes.
01:20:44.000 The improv on 44th and 9th, the last set was like 350. On a Saturday.
01:20:51.000 Wow!
01:20:51.000 It was something crazy like that.
01:20:53.000 How many people were in the audience?
01:20:54.000 Not none, like barely anybody.
01:20:56.000 But you kept going, you know, just all night shows.
01:20:58.000 Like I had a motorcycle because you could get to shows faster through traffic.
01:21:03.000 You could do eight, nine shows a night.
01:21:06.000 And then you just get paid cash and you're...
01:21:08.000 I mean, it was a great life.
01:21:09.000 And then me and like Kevin Brennan and Dave Attell and a guy named Dan Vitale who just passed away and a few other guys used to go to the diner on the Westway Diner on Ninth Avenue.
01:21:21.000 And the Westway was...
01:21:23.000 All the street came into Westway.
01:21:26.000 Like everybody that's out hustling, you know, midtown in Times Square.
01:21:31.000 Back then, Times Square was still filthy.
01:21:34.000 And so there was always like a table of vice cops and then like a table of transvestite hookers.
01:21:40.000 And they're out on the street.
01:21:41.000 They're after each other.
01:21:43.000 But everybody goes to the same diner.
01:21:45.000 So it's like Wile E. Coyote.
01:21:46.000 Yeah, it's like Wile E. Coyote and the sheepdog.
01:21:49.000 And they punch in.
01:21:51.000 How you doing, buddy?
01:21:52.000 Yeah, it was like that.
01:21:54.000 And the cops always had their guns showing, you know, their shoulder holster guns showing.
01:21:58.000 And there'd be a table of comics.
01:22:00.000 Wow.
01:22:00.000 And we would just sit there and eat fucking Greek food and just hang out and watch this weird...
01:22:08.000 I was so happy then.
01:22:10.000 I was just so happy.
01:22:11.000 It's such a fun time.
01:22:12.000 Yeah.
01:22:12.000 You don't really know what's going to happen.
01:22:14.000 You hope that you make it.
01:22:16.000 You hope you can continue to make a living.
01:22:19.000 Yeah.
01:22:20.000 But it's such a fun time of complete freedom.
01:22:24.000 I really enjoyed that.
01:22:26.000 I loved it.
01:22:26.000 It was enough to pay my rent in New York City.
01:22:29.000 And at the time, I liked New York City a little more than I do now because there was more cool stuff like bookstores and Tower Records and there was more movie theaters.
01:22:38.000 There was more off-the-wall culture and strange stuff to see.
01:22:42.000 And more restaurants and diners.
01:22:44.000 There's really not all-night diners in Manhattan anymore.
01:22:46.000 There isn't?
01:22:47.000 They're gone.
01:22:48.000 Like, me and Bobby Kelly, when we were getting ready to do his special, I went to watch him at the cellar.
01:22:53.000 And then I said, let's go to a diner and talk it over.
01:22:55.000 And we walked around there and couldn't find one.
01:22:57.000 They all closed at, like, midnight.
01:23:00.000 Now, is that because of crime?
01:23:02.000 Well, COVID killed a lot of places.
01:23:04.000 I mean, it really distinctly changed the city.
01:23:07.000 And it's thriving, New York.
01:23:10.000 It's really...
01:23:10.000 Like, there are some times I'd hear people talk on your show and other shows saying, like, this city, New York City is dead and it's dangerous.
01:23:17.000 And I'm like, I don't know.
01:23:18.000 We're here.
01:23:19.000 Like, it's okay.
01:23:20.000 It's a very resilient city.
01:23:22.000 It's been through a lot.
01:23:22.000 Yeah.
01:23:23.000 So it's bouncing back.
01:23:24.000 Just the fucking sheer numbers.
01:23:26.000 Yeah, there's just so many people.
01:23:28.000 Someone's gonna pick up slack.
01:23:29.000 Yeah.
01:23:30.000 Somebody's business will fail.
01:23:31.000 A lot of businesses fail.
01:23:32.000 Katz's Deli's still open, right?
01:23:34.000 Sure.
01:23:34.000 That's open late.
01:23:35.000 I don't know how late they're open.
01:23:37.000 I think they're open until like 2 or 3 in the morning.
01:23:38.000 They might be.
01:23:39.000 That place is amazing.
01:23:40.000 I love that place.
01:23:41.000 That's my favorite New York place to eat late night.
01:23:43.000 It hasn't changed.
01:23:44.000 You give him the ticket, and then the guy...
01:23:47.000 You're paying cash.
01:23:48.000 Yeah, paying cash, and the guy gives you a little piece of pastrami while you're waiting, and you tip him, and then you take these fat chunks of pastrami on rye back to you, and a big pickle.
01:23:57.000 Oh my God, so good.
01:24:00.000 Last time I was there, I rented a Jeff Ross.
01:24:02.000 I'm like, this is the perfect place for you.
01:24:03.000 Yeah, that's where he belongs.
01:24:04.000 Yeah, Katz's Delicatessen opened 24 hours.
01:24:07.000 That's right.
01:24:07.000 Fuck yeah.
01:24:08.000 Yeah.
01:24:08.000 That's it.
01:24:09.000 That's all that's left.
01:24:11.000 That's what you want.
01:24:12.000 God, I want to fly there right now and go eat.
01:24:14.000 It's so good.
01:24:15.000 The brisket.
01:24:15.000 Everything's great.
01:24:16.000 Fucking the fries are good.
01:24:18.000 And they've been open since like the 1800s.
01:24:20.000 Forever.
01:24:21.000 Oh, look at that sandwich.
01:24:22.000 Forever.
01:24:22.000 Look at that fucking sandwich.
01:24:24.000 So good.
01:24:26.000 It's such a classic Jewish delicatessen.
01:24:29.000 Yep.
01:24:29.000 Just classic.
01:24:31.000 There used to be a bunch more.
01:24:32.000 There was a place called Ratner's on Delancey that was better.
01:24:36.000 Jerry's Deli went under in LA. Yeah, they all...
01:24:38.000 That's a sad...
01:24:39.000 COVID killed Jerry's Deli.
01:24:41.000 Yeah.
01:24:41.000 Jerry's Deli was incredible.
01:24:43.000 I fucking loved that place.
01:24:44.000 I used to stop at...
01:24:45.000 Well, the one in Woodland Hills went under before COVID, but I used to stop there on the way home from the comedy store.
01:24:50.000 I'd call my wife.
01:24:51.000 I'm like, look, I'm going to Jerry's Deli.
01:24:52.000 What do you want?
01:24:54.000 Nice.
01:24:54.000 Get pastrami, Reuben, bowl of soup, and we'd eat together after my set.
01:24:58.000 It was amazing.
01:24:59.000 That's great.
01:25:00.000 It was so much fun.
01:25:01.000 That's great.
01:25:02.000 Yeah, it was like such a good...
01:25:03.000 Jerry's Deli was such a good place to meet people too.
01:25:06.000 Like, yeah, let's go talk about it.
01:25:07.000 We'll go meet at Jerry's Deli.
01:25:09.000 Go sit there, go over jokes and shit.
01:25:11.000 Yeah, sure.
01:25:11.000 Yeah.
01:25:12.000 Yeah, that kind of stood on...
01:25:13.000 I mean, probably younger generations have their own version of that.
01:25:17.000 But ours, we're 55, so there's less of us.
01:25:20.000 Most people our age are pretty settled.
01:25:22.000 They're not going out anymore.
01:25:23.000 But the thing about the delis, for me, was always the history.
01:25:27.000 It wasn't just that the food was amazing.
01:25:29.000 It's like, this place has been here since 1875. This place has been here since 1946. It's like Cantor's is another great place.
01:25:37.000 Yeah, they still have that.
01:25:38.000 In L.A., you can still go to Cantor's.
01:25:39.000 I remember going to Cantor's and seeing...
01:25:41.000 I was with a comedian.
01:25:44.000 Her name was Felicia Michaels.
01:25:45.000 You remember Felicia?
01:25:46.000 Yeah, I remember Felicia.
01:25:47.000 And I was hanging out with Felicia, and we went to Cantor's.
01:25:50.000 And it was my first time in LA. And Jackie Mason was there.
01:25:55.000 Oh, wow.
01:25:57.000 And I just watched him check her ass out.
01:25:59.000 He just checked out Felicia's ass with that kind of, like he nodded.
01:26:04.000 He nodded at her ass like, mm-hmm.
01:26:06.000 That's hilarious.
01:26:06.000 And she's standing there.
01:26:07.000 She had no idea.
01:26:08.000 Jackie Mason was a guy who got kicked off of the Ed Sullivan show because Ed Sullivan claimed that he gave him the finger.
01:26:16.000 Yes.
01:26:16.000 And so he got banned from television forever.
01:26:18.000 Yeah, because I went to the Museum of Broadcasting or whatever it is in New York where they have all the archives because I wanted to see that tape because I read his description of it.
01:26:29.000 And I saw it.
01:26:30.000 What is it?
01:26:31.000 Did he give him the finger?
01:26:32.000 No, what happened was the way he tells the story is that he was doing his set.
01:26:37.000 And I guess Ed was kind of, I don't know, a little nutty.
01:26:44.000 And he wanted him off.
01:26:45.000 He wanted him to quit.
01:26:47.000 He wanted to get him off early or something.
01:26:49.000 And so he got behind the camera and he was giving him two minutes.
01:26:52.000 He was giving him himself.
01:26:54.000 And Jackie's trying to do his set.
01:26:56.000 And he goes, what are you showing me a finger?
01:26:58.000 Here's a finger.
01:26:58.000 You want a finger?
01:26:59.000 Here's a couple of fingers for you.
01:27:00.000 Like, he just sort of, like, flashed fingers around because Ed Sullivan was showing him, like, making finger signs in him that he didn't understand.
01:27:06.000 He wasn't told that Ed Sullivan would give him a two-minute signal.
01:27:10.000 Right.
01:27:11.000 Just Ed Sullivan came over.
01:27:12.000 He was stressed out for some reason.
01:27:13.000 And I saw the tape.
01:27:15.000 And it goes by very quickly.
01:27:17.000 But he goes, whoa, whoa, finger, finger.
01:27:18.000 You want fingers?
01:27:18.000 Fingers, fingers.
01:27:19.000 Is that available on YouTube?
01:27:21.000 You got it?
01:27:22.000 Here.
01:27:24.000 Someone else talking over it.
01:27:27.000 Apparently give Sullivan finger.
01:27:30.000 Wow, look how young he was.
01:27:32.000 Just play it a little bit.
01:27:38.000 This actually might not be the video.
01:27:46.000 They're not going to show it.
01:27:51.000 See if we can find it.
01:27:52.000 If he's just talking over it, that's not it.
01:27:53.000 Right, see if you can find it.
01:27:55.000 No, that's how you know.
01:27:56.000 Yeah.
01:27:57.000 It's a similar bullshit thing.
01:27:58.000 Yeah, there's so many of those.
01:28:00.000 Well, I think they have to do that so that some, like, you know, like you have, you can't just own someone's stuff, but if you do commentary over it, and then you play it, yeah, then they can't give you a copyright strike on it.
01:28:12.000 Right.
01:28:12.000 Because you've altered it enough with your commentary.
01:28:15.000 Right.
01:28:16.000 Unfortunately, no footage from that specific incident exists on YouTube.
01:28:19.000 Yes.
01:28:20.000 However, it's been widely argued that Mason never did flip off Sullivan.
01:28:23.000 No, he didn't do it.
01:28:24.000 I mean, I saw it.
01:28:25.000 I saw it.
01:28:26.000 I don't know if that place is still there, but, you know.
01:28:28.000 You're supposed to be kind of an asshole.
01:28:30.000 Supposedly.
01:28:31.000 Ed Sullivan.
01:28:31.000 I mean, you'd think.
01:28:32.000 Yeah.
01:28:33.000 With that, just what he did.
01:28:35.000 You know, he's like, you ever see Sweet Smell of Success?
01:28:38.000 No.
01:28:38.000 It's one of the best movies ever.
01:28:40.000 Really?
01:28:40.000 It's so good.
01:28:41.000 What is it?
01:28:42.000 It's Tony Curtis and Burt Lancaster.
01:28:45.000 What year is it?
01:28:48.000 50s, early 60s.
01:28:49.000 Patti Chayefsky wrote it.
01:28:51.000 Oh, look at that.
01:28:52.000 57. So, Tony Curtis plays a...
01:28:56.000 He's a publicist.
01:28:59.000 It's this New York...
01:29:00.000 I mean, look at the images.
01:29:01.000 It's fucking beautiful, this movie.
01:29:03.000 And it's all about nightlife in New York.
01:29:06.000 In the 50s?
01:29:07.000 Yeah, in the 50s.
01:29:08.000 And this guy, Burt Lancaster, plays J.J. Hunsucker, who's a columnist.
01:29:16.000 And he makes people famous by writing just little snippets about them in his column.
01:29:21.000 And Tony Curtis plays a publicist who tries to shill items to him.
01:29:26.000 He represents comedians.
01:29:28.000 There's a comedian in the movie.
01:29:32.000 And he's a bullshitter and this guy is really powerful and he changes people's lives in show business and he's also very conservative.
01:29:40.000 But anyway, he has also a TV show.
01:29:42.000 And that's where Ed Sullivan came from.
01:29:44.000 He had like a column where he would write, you know, great young comic.
01:29:47.000 Just people cared about his opinion.
01:29:49.000 He became very powerful.
01:29:50.000 And then he had like a radio program where he would say, this young artist.
01:29:54.000 And then he started his show.
01:29:56.000 So J.J. Hunsucker is kind of like a version of Ed Sullivan.
01:29:59.000 And he's a bastard.
01:30:01.000 So I don't know if people knew that about Ed Sullivan.
01:30:04.000 But he ruins lives and pits people against each other.
01:30:08.000 It's a very dirty movie.
01:30:10.000 If you go back to those days when there was only one or two, you know, you had like Jack Parr, you had Ed Sullivan, you know, there was only one or two guys that was in control of like the gateway to show business in a lot of ways.
01:30:26.000 Like Johnny Carson was like that in a lot of ways.
01:30:29.000 Being on Carson made your whole life.
01:30:30.000 Yeah, and if he liked you and if you sat on the couch next to Carson, I mean that made Richard Jennings career.
01:30:36.000 That's really where he took off from.
01:30:39.000 That's where I first saw him.
01:30:40.000 I used to watch The Tonight Show specifically just to watch the stand-ups.
01:30:44.000 And Rich Jenny did a great thing I'd never seen before, which is he did one subject set about Jaws 3. Oh, but he could do that, though.
01:30:53.000 He did.
01:30:53.000 But that set, if you ever find it, just him talking about Jaws 3 for five minutes.
01:30:58.000 See if you can find it.
01:30:59.000 It's the greatest.
01:31:01.000 Richard Jenny was the very best at squeezing all of the material.
01:31:06.000 Here we go.
01:31:07.000 We're all in a good mood tonight because that's important for a young comedian who's making his very first appearance on The Tonight Show.
01:31:12.000 And Richard's going to be seen this September on the annual Young Comedian Special on HBO. And he'll be performing in New York City at Caroline's at the Seaport.
01:31:21.000 Wow.
01:31:21.000 Caroline's at the Seaport.
01:31:23.000 Would you welcome, please, Richard Jenny.
01:31:24.000 Richard!
01:31:27.000 Nervous as fuck.
01:31:28.000 Look at him.
01:31:29.000 Look at that suit.
01:31:30.000 Yeah.
01:31:34.000 Thanks.
01:31:35.000 Hello.
01:31:37.000 Hello, hello.
01:31:38.000 You're in a great mood.
01:31:39.000 You like this suit?
01:31:40.000 Do you think I should have worn this?
01:31:42.000 I don't know.
01:31:43.000 It fits good, but it takes so long to wax it.
01:31:47.000 It's a New York suit.
01:31:48.000 I'm a New York guy.
01:31:49.000 That's where I got it.
01:31:49.000 I just came back from there performing.
01:31:51.000 That was fun.
01:31:52.000 Then after that, I went up to Canada.
01:31:54.000 Canada's just like New York backwards, isn't it?
01:31:55.000 You go up there, everybody's going, how's it going, eh?
01:31:57.000 Then you go back to New York and the people, hey, how's it going?
01:32:05.000 Hey, get off the car!
01:32:06.000 Get off the car, eh?
01:32:07.000 It's like the same thing.
01:32:08.000 And I went down to Miami, had a good time.
01:32:10.000 That's fine.
01:32:11.000 You get on a couple people.
01:32:12.000 You get down there, they have the Hispanic thing going on a plane.
01:32:15.000 You get on a plane and they're like, uh, for your convenience, we have air sickness bags.
01:32:18.000 And someone else goes, El Recepticales de Barfo.
01:32:21.000 They always have the same...
01:32:22.000 I think if the plane crashes, they'll have to do that.
01:32:24.000 They'll have to be going, we're about to crash!
01:32:26.000 And I'm like, por favor, kiss your butt, buenas noches.
01:32:31.000 1980s comedy.
01:32:32.000 So interesting.
01:32:33.000 Quick rapid fire.
01:32:46.000 That's the sanitized version of that joke.
01:32:50.000 She's got a nice ass.
01:32:52.000 Yeah, that's what it was.
01:32:53.000 In the clubs it was nice ass.
01:32:55.000 Yeah.
01:32:59.000 I got so desperate for something to do one night.
01:33:02.000 I actually went to the video store.
01:33:03.000 Listen to this.
01:33:03.000 I rented all four Jaws movies in a row.
01:33:06.000 This is a little point in your life.
01:33:08.000 When it's like 4.45, you're watching Jaws 4 The Revenge.
01:33:11.000 That's the title.
01:33:11.000 Jaws 4 The Revenge.
01:33:12.000 And you're sitting there going, this shouldn't be the title.
01:33:14.000 The title should be, here's a fish, you're stupid.
01:33:16.000 That's the title.
01:33:18.000 You ever see a movie like so bad that they just slap you in the face with how bad it is?
01:33:23.000 You can't even pretend.
01:33:25.000 You go, you know, maybe this movie isn't that bad.
01:33:26.000 I'm not wasting my life.
01:33:27.000 And they just go, yes, you are.
01:33:29.000 Are you sure?
01:33:30.000 Absolutely.
01:33:30.000 Look at you!
01:33:31.000 It's 4 in the morning.
01:33:33.000 You're sitting there with one sweat sock and a burrito watching a shark that only kills one family out of an entire ocean full of perfectly edible people for no reason that we ever explain and you won't turn it off because you think it's going to get dead.
01:33:48.000 I'm still in pain from this.
01:33:52.000 A movie so stupid that no matter how stupid, you couldn't be stupid enough to enjoy it.
01:33:56.000 I mean, let's say you have no brain at all.
01:33:58.000 Let's say you're sitting on your bed.
01:33:59.000 Here's you.
01:34:00.000 A bucket of popcorn and a spinal cord.
01:34:02.000 That's it.
01:34:03.000 Even your spinal cord will go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
01:34:06.000 I'm not a brainer.
01:34:07.000 I don't have thoughts, but what is going on here?
01:34:11.000 The mother of the family, check this out, has three people in her family eaten by the shark in one week.
01:34:16.000 So a genius in her own right, she comes up with a plan.
01:34:20.000 She says, well, shark is obviously after our family.
01:34:26.000 Can't put anything over on me.
01:34:28.000 There's only one thing to do, we'll have to leave town.
01:34:31.000 And you're going, leave town?
01:34:33.000 Wouldn't an apartment building be sufficient protection from the average shark?
01:34:36.000 I mean, even if he's a really ambitious shark, right?
01:34:39.000 Let's say, by the time he gets to the apartment building, parks in a guest spot, explains himself to the doorman, come up in the elevator, you would most likely smell fish and run.
01:34:48.000 No, the brother is leaving town altogether.
01:34:53.000 And you sit there.
01:34:58.000 And you're going, but why doesn't the mother just not go in the water?
01:35:00.000 Wouldn't that make more sense?
01:35:01.000 And they go, well, no, yeah, but this is stupid.
01:35:04.000 You see, in a stupid movie, everyone's stupid.
01:35:06.000 The mother is stupid.
01:35:07.000 The people that made it are stupid.
01:35:08.000 But none of them are as stupid as you, because it is now 5.01, and you still think this is going to get better.
01:35:20.000 And look at it, in his head, he's like, I am destroying on Carson.
01:35:23.000 The Mitch is coming up with plans to kill these people that the CIA couldn't figure out.
01:35:27.000 I've caught fish.
01:35:28.000 They're not that brilliant.
01:35:30.000 They don't even make any noise when you're about to kill them.
01:35:33.000 You ever see if they come up on a hook like...
01:35:34.000 If they had any brains, they'd make noise.
01:35:36.000 You wouldn't be able to kill them.
01:35:37.000 They'd be going...
01:35:37.000 You have to go, whoa!
01:35:41.000 Start the boat.
01:35:42.000 I'll get a burger at the dock.
01:35:43.000 Did you see what just took place over there?
01:35:46.000 So now comes a turning point in your life.
01:35:49.000 If you don't turn off the movie now, just do the world a favor, and when the credits roll, get a vasectomy.
01:35:54.000 The mother...
01:35:55.000 Gets on a plane to get away from the shark.
01:35:57.000 But before she goes, has an affair with Michael Caine.
01:36:00.000 Typical reaction to this kind of tragedy.
01:36:02.000 That's what I would do.
01:36:04.000 Most people would say, gee whiz, three people in my family have been eaten by a shark in one week.
01:36:09.000 Jeez, am I horny.
01:36:10.000 Man, I don't know.
01:36:11.000 Man, why don't...
01:36:13.000 Jeez.
01:36:14.000 My goodness.
01:36:16.000 Ooh.
01:36:17.000 Ooh, God.
01:36:18.000 Ooh.
01:36:20.000 The pit.
01:36:24.000 Ooh, ooh, the tragedy, the bloodshed.
01:36:27.000 Stop me, I'm vibrating.
01:36:29.000 Where's a blow-up doll when you need one?
01:36:31.000 Ooh, I mean...
01:36:32.000 So now, get this, here's the crescendo.
01:36:34.000 The mother gets on a plane in Long Island, New York, to get away from the shark.
01:36:38.000 Flies to the Bahamas.
01:36:40.000 Are you with me here?
01:36:40.000 An ideal place to avoid a fish.
01:36:43.000 Let's go around, surrounded by water.
01:36:44.000 When she gets there, guess what?
01:36:47.000 Not only has the shark discovered that they have travel plans to go to the Bahamas, But to boot, he has beat the jet to the behind.
01:36:56.000 They land, there he is, a couple of beers, Ray-Bans, and you're going, but wait a minute, that was a jet.
01:37:01.000 Wouldn't a jet be faster than a shark?
01:37:03.000 And they go, well, ordinarily, but again, this is stupid.
01:37:05.000 You see, in a stupid movie, shark is the fastest transportation available.
01:37:10.000 See, if you're going to London from New York, let's say, right, tear off them Concord tickets, get the next fish out of town.
01:37:20.000 Oh, they played them off.
01:37:21.000 Interesting.
01:37:22.000 Yeah.
01:37:23.000 Well, they were probably told that's his last line.
01:37:26.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:37:26.000 Get the next fish out of town.
01:37:27.000 Yeah, that made him.
01:37:29.000 And they came in hot with the music, yeah.
01:37:30.000 Yeah.
01:37:30.000 I saw him at Catch Rising Star when I was an open miker.
01:37:33.000 I went to see him.
01:37:34.000 I sat in the front row.
01:37:35.000 It was amazing.
01:37:36.000 It was like a half-filled crowd.
01:37:38.000 Right.
01:37:38.000 Yeah, like a Wednesday night show.
01:37:40.000 Yeah.
01:37:40.000 Catch Rising Star in Cambridge.
01:37:42.000 Still the best way to see stand-up comedy.
01:37:44.000 Yeah.
01:37:45.000 Is in a dead club.
01:37:46.000 Right, you get to see the real deal.
01:37:49.000 When I was getting ready for this tour, I was at the Cellar a bunch, and that's where I usually build this stuff, and I was struggling a lot of sets, because the Cellar has become Very trendy.
01:38:04.000 There's a lot of cooler people that go there, like nicely dressed young people go to the cellar.
01:38:09.000 It's a scene now.
01:38:10.000 So it's not automatic that they're going to get...
01:38:13.000 It's like a weird thing.
01:38:15.000 And it's actually good, I think, in a sense.
01:38:17.000 Because you've got to fight for your laughs a little more than we used to.
01:38:20.000 But I've done some shows this year where like...
01:38:25.000 I'm struggling.
01:38:26.000 I'm like, every bit is pissing them off.
01:38:29.000 And not for like PC reasons, but just because they're not trained comedy audiences.
01:38:33.000 And they're like, ew, it's more that old thing.
01:38:35.000 Remember before, like, that's problematic.
01:38:38.000 There was just, ew.
01:38:39.000 So it's like that again.
01:38:41.000 And I'm just struggling.
01:38:44.000 But I got nowhere to go.
01:38:46.000 All my shit in this set is kind of nasty, so I'm just getting through it.
01:38:50.000 But out of the 100 people at this other, there's about 20 of them who are fucking having the best time of their lives.
01:38:56.000 Like, they're laughing so hard.
01:38:59.000 Because not only are they seeing...
01:39:01.000 Jokes that they like.
01:39:02.000 They like my jokes.
01:39:03.000 They're getting to watch people get really offended.
01:39:06.000 And they're getting to watch me squirm.
01:39:09.000 Like, every time I'd do a joke and it would kind of get this, ugh.
01:39:13.000 Then I'd go like, you'd see me go, fuck.
01:39:15.000 And I'd hear people go like, fuck.
01:39:17.000 Like, high-fiving, like, this is the best night.
01:39:20.000 So much better than seeing your favorite comic in a theater where everybody loves him.
01:39:26.000 I don't know if it's so much better, but it's definitely different.
01:39:29.000 It's just there's more friction to it.
01:39:31.000 So there's more going on.
01:39:33.000 One of the, when I was, like, early days, like, open mic or me and Fitzsimmons saw Bill Hicks bomb.
01:39:40.000 At Nick's Comedy Stop.
01:39:41.000 Most of the times, that's what he did.
01:39:43.000 And clear the fucking room.
01:39:45.000 But at the end of his set, there was 50 people left.
01:39:48.000 Like, what does Nick's hold?
01:39:48.000 Like, 300-plus people?
01:39:50.000 It was big, about 300, something like that.
01:39:51.000 So, at the end of the set, there's 50 people left in the audience and maybe 20 comedians.
01:39:57.000 And Fitzsimmons and I are just fucking howling.
01:40:00.000 We're howling.
01:40:01.000 We thought it was so funny.
01:40:03.000 And it was so funny that he was clearing the room.
01:40:05.000 And he went on after Larry Norton.
01:40:07.000 Do you remember Larry Norton?
01:40:08.000 Sure.
01:40:08.000 Comic on a Harley.
01:40:10.000 Yes.
01:40:11.000 I'm Larry Norton.
01:40:12.000 I'm a comic on a Harley.
01:40:13.000 That's it.
01:40:14.000 So Larry Norton killed, and then Hicks went on after him, and Hicks is fucking existential angst, and smoking cigarettes, and cancer, and this and that.
01:40:25.000 And then the audience is just fucking leaving.
01:40:28.000 And so he's doing, I don't know if you remember that bit that he does about, I think it's like the devil fucks John Davidson in the ass.
01:40:36.000 Yes, and Debbie Gibson.
01:40:38.000 Or no, that was Jimi Hendrix fucking Debbie Gibson with his guitar.
01:40:43.000 That was a different one.
01:40:44.000 You wanted to rock and roll, didn't you, Debbie?
01:40:47.000 No!
01:40:49.000 Yeah, that was a different one.
01:40:50.000 So he's doing this bit where John Davidson is shitting out the Devil's Kid.
01:40:55.000 I remember that.
01:40:57.000 So he's squatting, and he's like...
01:41:02.000 And he looks up and he goes, this generally clears a room.
01:41:06.000 Yeah.
01:41:06.000 And the people are just getting up in fucking droves and we were howling.
01:41:10.000 We thought it was so funny.
01:41:12.000 Yep.
01:41:12.000 We thought it was so funny.
01:41:14.000 It was just...
01:41:14.000 It was nice to see this guy who was so...
01:41:20.000 Right.
01:41:20.000 But eating shit in front of a bunch of people that didn't know who he was.
01:41:23.000 He ate shit a lot.
01:41:23.000 He ate shit a lot.
01:41:24.000 I worked with him.
01:41:25.000 I opened for him at the San Francisco Punchline, and there were some nights where he was destroying, just killing.
01:41:32.000 He did this whole thing about they should use terminally ill patients as stuntmen.
01:41:37.000 Yes, for Chuck Norris movies.
01:41:39.000 Yeah, he goes, do you want your grandmother to die alone in a room of strangers with her veins fading into dust, or do you want her to meet Chuck Norris?
01:41:52.000 And he'd do this thing of sending out this person who's half dead, and then Chuck Norris just kicks her head off.
01:42:00.000 Just kicks it off and you go, whoa!
01:42:02.000 But he was destroying some shows.
01:42:05.000 And then other shows, just nothing.
01:42:07.000 Just nothing.
01:42:08.000 Wow.
01:42:09.000 Just they didn't get it.
01:42:10.000 They didn't want to hear it.
01:42:10.000 He didn't have a gear to go to.
01:42:13.000 No.
01:42:13.000 And he didn't have...
01:42:15.000 I mean, I learned from it because I used to think you could make these jokes work for some of these people that don't like them.
01:42:21.000 You could just...
01:42:22.000 I just reach out a little bit.
01:42:24.000 It doesn't mean changing the jokes.
01:42:26.000 It just means...
01:42:28.000 It's just something in your eyes that says, look, I know you're having a hard time, but I don't mean you any harm.
01:42:34.000 This is funny if you listen, I swear to God.
01:42:38.000 He wasn't interested in making that bridge.
01:42:40.000 No, he wasn't.
01:42:41.000 He was a bit of a misanthrope.
01:42:44.000 Also a very sweet guy in his way.
01:42:47.000 Yeah, I never got the chance to talk to him.
01:42:49.000 I liked him.
01:42:50.000 I only said hi to him once.
01:42:52.000 Nick's Comedy Stop.
01:42:53.000 I was like, ooh.
01:42:53.000 I don't think he noticed much about me, but I worked with him a number of times.
01:42:58.000 And I liked him.
01:42:59.000 I liked listening to him.
01:43:00.000 I liked his act.
01:43:01.000 He also was a good comic.
01:43:03.000 He made good noises with a microphone and stuff.
01:43:06.000 Because he came from here.
01:43:07.000 He came from Texas and Sam and all those guys.
01:43:09.000 This was a big scene.
01:43:11.000 Yeah.
01:43:11.000 Yeah.
01:43:12.000 This was the scene at one point in time.
01:43:15.000 I mean, you think of Kinnison and him both coming out of here.
01:43:17.000 Crazy.
01:43:18.000 Pretty wild.
01:43:19.000 And those guys were, I mean, Kinnison was probably the most revolutionary comedian of our lifetime.
01:43:25.000 You think so?
01:43:26.000 Yeah.
01:43:26.000 There'd never been anybody like him.
01:43:28.000 All of a sudden screaming.
01:43:30.000 I was married!
01:43:31.000 Twice!
01:43:32.000 Hell would be like Klopman!
01:43:34.000 Yes, he was like, where did this come from?
01:43:38.000 Totally different than any other kind of comedy.
01:43:40.000 I think Steve Martin was like that, too, in a totally different tone.
01:43:43.000 He was the one that excited me the most.
01:43:47.000 Like, I loved Cosby and Pryor and Carlin when I was a kid, but Steve Martin was the first one where I went, you're not even doing show business.
01:43:56.000 Right.
01:43:57.000 What are you doing?
01:43:58.000 You're just being really weird.
01:44:00.000 And I love it and other people love it.
01:44:02.000 He was the guy who made me think, maybe I could do this.
01:44:05.000 Really?
01:44:05.000 Yeah.
01:44:06.000 That's interesting.
01:44:07.000 He was the first person I watched that I thought, there's other ways, because I wasn't a slick guy who can talk and then talk like this and then talk like that.
01:44:15.000 And prior with this, these skills were just swim around my head.
01:44:21.000 I could never do that, especially as a kid.
01:44:23.000 But when I saw him, I was like, that's how I talk with my friends.
01:44:27.000 That's the kind of jokes I make and that's And no rhythm to it, you know?
01:44:33.000 I'm so mad at my mother.
01:44:35.000 Like, just odd, weird stuff, you know?
01:44:39.000 It was so weird.
01:44:40.000 It's kind of a bummer that he stopped doing stand-up, because it was so good.
01:44:43.000 And when, you know, back in those days, like, what was that, like, I guess early 80s?
01:44:48.000 When he was really killing it?
01:44:49.000 I think mid to late 70s.
01:44:52.000 It was disco time.
01:44:53.000 You had a white suit, which was kind of a disco thing.
01:44:56.000 So it was around the time of like Saturday Night Fever.
01:45:00.000 There was this time when there was so many hit things back then.
01:45:05.000 There was Saturday Night Fever and all this is compressed in my head, but Jaws and Star Wars and Rocky.
01:45:13.000 And Steve Martin was the comedian of that time.
01:45:17.000 Those were all the golden things that were like killing, making tons of money.
01:45:22.000 Everybody loved those things.
01:45:23.000 I remember reading that he had decided at one point in time that the audiences liked him too much for being Steve Martin.
01:45:29.000 And then he would go out there and he couldn't get a gauge as to what was funny and what was not.
01:45:33.000 Because they were just so happy to see him.
01:45:35.000 Yeah, he did arenas.
01:45:37.000 Yeah.
01:45:37.000 And people would just scream.
01:45:39.000 Yeah.
01:45:39.000 And it wasn't the same anymore.
01:45:41.000 I mean, it was a good discipline.
01:45:43.000 I think there's truth to that, I think.
01:45:45.000 There's definitely truth to that.
01:45:46.000 I mean, I think it can be navigated, but you're definitely in some very tricky waters.
01:45:50.000 Like, you can still do comedy.
01:45:51.000 And I think what we were talking about earlier, what you do a lot...
01:45:55.000 By showing up at clubs where they don't know you're going to be there and just actually working out stuff, you really do get to figure out what's funny and what's not.
01:46:02.000 Whereas I know guys who have their own crowds who never perform in front of anyone but their crowd.
01:46:09.000 It's just diminishing returns.
01:46:11.000 It's just not going to be...
01:46:12.000 I mean, you could do that and your crowd might appreciate it.
01:46:15.000 You could do it, but you get more out of fucking around.
01:46:19.000 It's the only way to do it is to go on and do clubs and unannounced and start with zero jokes and struggle, have a bunch of bad sets, get through.
01:46:32.000 Even at the cellar, people, when they recognize me, they're happy to see me.
01:46:35.000 Then I'm like, well, here comes new jokes.
01:46:37.000 Sorry.
01:46:38.000 And it's just within a...
01:46:39.000 Because that evaporates.
01:46:40.000 Yeah.
01:46:41.000 No one pretends to laugh at you.
01:46:43.000 No one will pretend to laugh at you.
01:46:45.000 So the first couple of jokes, they go, what?
01:46:48.000 And...
01:46:50.000 And I usually would try opening with stuff that's not, this ain't gonna get it, this isn't gonna work probably, and get them to this level.
01:46:57.000 And I'm like, okay, here we are.
01:46:58.000 I don't want to be here, but this is where, you know, it's like if you're in the gym.
01:47:01.000 Yeah.
01:47:01.000 You don't go to the gym to have a good time.
01:47:03.000 Right.
01:47:03.000 And you get into, like, I'm glad, I'm proud of myself, I'm at the gym today.
01:47:07.000 Yeah.
01:47:08.000 But the first moves you make, you're like, this fucking sucks.
01:47:11.000 Yeah.
01:47:12.000 But so you get through shitty ten minutes of jokes.
01:47:16.000 Yeah.
01:47:16.000 And you've maybe got one joke.
01:47:17.000 So you do that night after night until you get 10, 20. And then after you get 20 minutes and you've done it a few times, if you have the discipline, you stop doing those jokes.
01:47:28.000 And you start again with a new 20 from nothing.
01:47:31.000 And this is the way I usually do it.
01:47:33.000 I end up with two 20-minute sets.
01:47:36.000 And then I start mixing them a little bit.
01:47:38.000 And then I start going to stuff in the notebook that never worked and never should have worked or things I was too scared to try.
01:47:44.000 You know when you write something on your notes for a news comedy set, but when you look at it, you go, I ain't doing that.
01:47:52.000 I thought of it, it sounded good today, but I'm not touching that.
01:47:56.000 I always have a set when I'm developing where I go, you have to do a set that's only those now.
01:48:01.000 Really?
01:48:02.000 Only things that you just shouldn't be doing or things that have gotten silence.
01:48:07.000 It's like this is the last chance for these bits.
01:48:10.000 Tonight.
01:48:11.000 And no bits that have been getting laughs.
01:48:13.000 That's a rough set.
01:48:15.000 That's a rough set.
01:48:16.000 But if anything makes it out of it...
01:48:18.000 It's good.
01:48:19.000 That's a fucking...
01:48:20.000 Some of those bits have ended up being the best bit.
01:48:22.000 Isn't that wild?
01:48:23.000 Yeah.
01:48:24.000 The best...
01:48:25.000 Always the best bits I have in a special, like the ones that are like, that just kills every time, started with silent...
01:48:31.000 Hate it.
01:48:32.000 Hate it.
01:48:33.000 It's wild.
01:48:35.000 It's such a wild process.
01:48:36.000 The beginning to the end.
01:48:38.000 When you write, do you sit in front of a computer specifically trying to come up with material?
01:48:44.000 Never.
01:48:44.000 Never did it.
01:48:45.000 Really?
01:48:45.000 I never wrote jokes.
01:48:48.000 Ever.
01:48:48.000 Do you write ideas?
01:48:49.000 Or do you just write bullet points?
01:48:51.000 I write down one word.
01:48:55.000 Because I need to write on stage.
01:48:57.000 If I write off stage, it comes out writer.
01:49:01.000 Mm-hmm.
01:49:02.000 And then it's like you're using your hand to write, and then you're using your eyes to read it, and then it's coming out your mouth.
01:49:09.000 Right.
01:49:10.000 So when I have an idea, you know that moment where you go, oh, it's a bit.
01:49:14.000 It's fucking maddening, but it comes when it comes.
01:49:17.000 You're in conversation or you're in the car or wherever.
01:49:20.000 Yeah.
01:49:20.000 You go, fuck, that's a bit about whatever, about zoo lions.
01:49:25.000 Yeah.
01:49:26.000 And I avoid thinking about it.
01:49:27.000 I don't want to work it out.
01:49:29.000 I just write down zoo lions and I know that it's in the ether.
01:49:32.000 I know the general feeling and I wait till I'm on stage that night and I explain it to them.
01:49:39.000 And the audience is there as a target and Yeah.
01:49:43.000 So I, for the first time, work it out, and then it's like, that's the bit.
01:49:49.000 Because I know I can't think straight as a comic unless I'm on stage.
01:49:53.000 Did you develop this process over time?
01:49:55.000 Have you always done it that way, or did you initially try to write the jokes out first?
01:49:59.000 I never...
01:50:00.000 I could never do it.
01:50:01.000 I was a bad student in school.
01:50:02.000 I didn't go to college.
01:50:03.000 I barely graduated high school because I can't do work like that.
01:50:08.000 I can't.
01:50:08.000 I mean, I learned to do it when I started working in TV and movies.
01:50:11.000 When you're writing scripts and stuff.
01:50:12.000 Yeah.
01:50:12.000 I can write when I have to.
01:50:15.000 But I have a huge agita problem and whatever.
01:50:18.000 Many D's and H's and...
01:50:20.000 Yeah!
01:50:21.000 And all that shit.
01:50:22.000 So I would just do little set lists.
01:50:26.000 And that's the way I always did it.
01:50:28.000 I never wrote.
01:50:29.000 There's no written word of my act.
01:50:33.000 Because your speech center, when it generates the work, that's where it's supposed to come from.
01:50:39.000 Right.
01:50:40.000 It's a spoken word art.
01:50:42.000 And then I do a lot of work.
01:50:43.000 I record every set.
01:50:45.000 And I listen to them.
01:50:46.000 And I do now, I work on paper, but it's kind of like research.
01:50:51.000 I listen to the set and I write notes.
01:50:54.000 Like this last whole tour I had to do because I had to come up with the material a little quicker.
01:51:00.000 But I write notes about what worked, what didn't, what's innovating.
01:51:05.000 That last set was funny when I did this.
01:51:08.000 You know what I mean?
01:51:08.000 Stuff like that.
01:51:09.000 And before, if I take a break of three days or more...
01:51:14.000 The day of the show, I sit down and I write a set list.
01:51:17.000 Even if it's identical to the last one, I listen to the last show I did and I write down tonight's order.
01:51:25.000 It's like the lineup for baseball.
01:51:26.000 Yeah, I always do that when I do arenas.
01:51:28.000 What I do is I get index cards and I'll actually write the bullet points for each bit and I lay them out on the coffee table in the green room.
01:51:36.000 I get there early and I write all that stuff out because that way I'm good.
01:51:41.000 I know I remember it.
01:51:42.000 You gotta load it in.
01:51:43.000 You gotta be living it.
01:51:46.000 It's gotta be refreshed.
01:51:47.000 I just did a set last night.
01:51:50.000 I'm ready to go.
01:51:51.000 I'm not unconfident about it, but I know that the right way to do it is to sit down and to write down these index cards and to set them out and have all the punchlines, because the fucking thing that drives me more nutty than anything is when I forget a tag.
01:52:07.000 Oh yeah, yeah, it's a shame.
01:52:09.000 And then I leave and I'm like, fuck, I forgot that part about the guy!
01:52:12.000 Ugh!
01:52:14.000 And then the rest of the night.
01:52:15.000 It doesn't matter.
01:52:16.000 Everybody's like, oh, standing ovation, great show.
01:52:18.000 No, no, no.
01:52:18.000 That tag is gone.
01:52:20.000 That's everything.
01:52:21.000 They didn't get it.
01:52:22.000 Destroyed.
01:52:22.000 Yeah, they missed it.
01:52:22.000 Well, it's because of your brain.
01:52:23.000 I remember my mom teaching.
01:52:25.000 My mom was in computers when I was a kid.
01:52:26.000 She was a computer programmer when they were punch cards and stuff from the beginning.
01:52:30.000 My stepdad did that, too.
01:52:31.000 Oh, yeah?
01:52:31.000 Yeah.
01:52:33.000 And then she had a terminal at home with a big modem and the phone going...
01:52:39.000 And so she taught me about computers and the thing I always remembered was that there's main memory and then there's auxiliary memory.
01:52:47.000 So auxiliary memory, I might be getting the words wrong, is stuff that's on tape that's stored.
01:52:53.000 And main memory is like RAM. Right.
01:52:56.000 It's the working, buzzing...
01:52:59.000 Loaded into the hopper, what you've got working.
01:53:03.000 And then you have stuff on tape and you can access it anytime you want.
01:53:06.000 Oh, remember this, remember this, remember this.
01:53:08.000 But your set from the times you've been doing it over and over again, it's kind of on tape.
01:53:13.000 And when you're on stage, your brain goes and accesses it.
01:53:16.000 But doing like the cards before, it loads it into the RAM. It loads it into the present moment.
01:53:23.000 Because especially when you're doing big things like an arena, you get adrenaline and you start thinking about the size and then that's nowhere.
01:53:34.000 There's no help there.
01:53:35.000 It's all negative.
01:53:36.000 You shouldn't be thinking about any of that.
01:53:37.000 At all.
01:53:38.000 The thing you should be thinking about, you shouldn't be thinking about what do I need and all this bravado stuff.
01:53:42.000 Right.
01:53:42.000 I'm going to be a star or I'm going to kill.
01:53:45.000 That's the worst.
01:53:46.000 Death.
01:53:46.000 Death.
01:53:47.000 The only thing you should be thinking about is cows.
01:53:51.000 Because you're talking about cows.
01:53:52.000 You shouldn't even be thinking, this is my bit about these cows and here's what's gotten a laugh before.
01:53:57.000 You should be thinking about, here's how I feel about cows.
01:54:01.000 My favorite shows are when I feel very present.
01:54:06.000 Yeah.
01:54:07.000 And sometimes they're because I studied, but sometimes they're because I haven't been on stage in a long time, and I'm having to remember, and I go, yeah, fuck, and the feelings get a little more real.
01:54:18.000 Yeah.
01:54:19.000 Sometimes when I do too much stand-up, I lose a touch of enthusiasm, and sometimes it's actually good to take a day or two off, and then I jump back in, and then I'm kind of excited.
01:54:30.000 Yes, that's why this, like I'm doing tonight the, what do you call it?
01:54:33.000 The Moody?
01:54:34.000 The Moody Theater in Austin and then tomorrow again and then San Antonio.
01:54:38.000 And I just did New Orleans and Mobile.
01:54:40.000 It was five nights, which is a lot for me.
01:54:43.000 And then I go up to Baltimore and D.C. But then I take two nights off before the garden.
01:54:48.000 And that's a pretty decent amount, two nights.
01:54:50.000 Yes, that's perfect.
01:54:52.000 Yes.
01:54:52.000 So you'll be juicy when you get back.
01:54:53.000 I won't think about my set at all for two days.
01:54:56.000 Really?
01:54:56.000 Yeah, and then I'll work out and exercise.
01:54:59.000 I kind of train for this stuff because my feeling is the show has to be great.
01:55:04.000 That's my responsibility.
01:55:07.000 If you're not in shape, then the show is as good as your luck, right?
01:55:13.000 If you have a good crowd, you'll have a good show.
01:55:15.000 And if it's just a good night and things line up right, you'll have a good show.
01:55:19.000 But if you leave it up to that, you're a fucking asshole.
01:55:22.000 If you're in shape and you have wind and your mind gets clearer when you're in better shape and you try not to eat sugar and stuff, then no matter what, the show's going to be great.
01:55:32.000 If the crowd sucks, I'm just going to have to work a lot harder.
01:55:36.000 It's not up to them how good this show is.
01:55:39.000 It's just I'm gonna have to put in a lot more fucking effort.
01:55:42.000 So I need to be healthy enough that when they suck, I'm great.
01:55:47.000 And that when they're great, it's out of the park.
01:55:51.000 I remember you telling me about this back in the day where you used to run.
01:55:54.000 You used to run like you're training for a fight.
01:55:56.000 Yeah, I do.
01:55:57.000 That's what I'm doing right now.
01:55:58.000 I was on the steps machine for an hour.
01:56:02.000 And I train for however long I try to do the steps machine for how long the set is I'm doing.
01:56:08.000 Oh, wow.
01:56:08.000 And I watch Ali-Fraser fights.
01:56:11.000 No shit!
01:56:12.000 Yeah, I watch 15 round goal fights, and I pick a guy.
01:56:16.000 That I'm him.
01:56:18.000 And with the level of the machine, I follow his effort.
01:56:23.000 So when Ali's back is on the ropes, I go down to five a little bit.
01:56:28.000 And then when he comes off the ropes, I go to six.
01:56:31.000 And when he starts firing away, I go to eight.
01:56:33.000 And I go up and down a lot.
01:56:35.000 And it's very good for your heart.
01:56:38.000 It's very good for anxiety.
01:56:41.000 There's a thing about exercise before any big event.
01:56:44.000 I think it burns off all the residual...
01:56:49.000 Ancillary, unnecessary stress.
01:56:51.000 Because there's like a certain amount of stress that I think people just naturally carry in their bodies.
01:56:55.000 And if you don't exercise, you're going to have a certain amount of tension and a little weirdness that it's just energy.
01:57:02.000 Because your body's designed to run away from fucking saber-toothed tigers and fight off villagers.
01:57:08.000 That's the body that we're dealing with today is the same body that people had 10, 15,000 years ago.
01:57:13.000 I think what's special about humans is that some of us try that extra step.
01:57:19.000 In other words, every animal has that.
01:57:21.000 If there's trouble, get the fuck away.
01:57:23.000 You know, they have a calculation in their heads.
01:57:26.000 Who can I take and who can't I, you know?
01:57:29.000 So, sometimes there's a confrontation.
01:57:32.000 This guy's a match for me, so I'm gonna, you know, like two bears fighting.
01:57:35.000 Yeah.
01:57:36.000 So, they have that thing.
01:57:39.000 But humans go like, if I try to hang in there, or if I hide, or if I, you know, I might be able to get something out of this.
01:57:46.000 Like, it's worth doing something dangerous.
01:57:48.000 It's worth going not, it's worth resisting fight or flight.
01:57:53.000 Because if I'm still hanging around after the flashpoint moment is over, I might be able to do something that somebody else couldn't do.
01:58:01.000 That's a very human thing, is to think past things.
01:58:04.000 The fight or flight moment.
01:58:05.000 And also being able to not confront somebody, like the guy in the cafeteria.
01:58:10.000 Like, do I need to fight or flight?
01:58:13.000 Is there something else?
01:58:14.000 That's, I think, particularly human.
01:58:16.000 It's like, can I just...
01:58:17.000 I mean, maybe there's gorillas that do it.
01:58:19.000 I have no idea.
01:58:20.000 Or elephants.
01:58:21.000 Probably not.
01:58:22.000 Probably not.
01:58:22.000 I don't know.
01:58:22.000 No, it's probably a human thing.
01:58:23.000 Yeah.
01:58:24.000 It's just going like, I could fight.
01:58:26.000 I could flight.
01:58:27.000 He looks like he wants to fight.
01:58:29.000 But if I just wait a few extra seconds and keep my—if I can discipline my heart rate and not listen to the reptile and just cool off, I might be able to get something out of this.
01:58:42.000 I think that's what helps me on stage because there's a fight-or-flight moment when I do an abortion joke or something and everyone's just upset that I brought it up.
01:58:51.000 And I'm like, that's all right.
01:58:52.000 I've seen this.
01:58:53.000 That comes from experience.
01:58:54.000 I've seen this.
01:58:56.000 I know there's a moment past this that's worth it.
01:58:58.000 And the payoff is extra sweet.
01:59:00.000 It's huge because nobody does it.
01:59:01.000 Right.
01:59:02.000 I mean, a lot of people do it, but it's rarer.
01:59:04.000 It's rare.
01:59:05.000 And then when you do get that juicy payoff, you're like, yes!
01:59:09.000 It's so much better than something that's easy to get to.
01:59:12.000 Yes.
01:59:13.000 Yeah.
01:59:13.000 Which has its own charm.
01:59:15.000 Yeah, there's nothing wrong with a good easy joke.
01:59:18.000 No.
01:59:18.000 I enjoy all kinds of jokes.
01:59:20.000 So do I. Jim Gaffigan is one of my favorite guys because he just keeps coming.
01:59:24.000 He's got this constant flow and in a huge laugh but he walks past it.
01:59:30.000 He's one of my favorites.
01:59:31.000 He's great.
01:59:32.000 No one else has quite that talking and talking.
01:59:38.000 Brian Regan's another killer clean guy, but it's punchier.
01:59:43.000 It's a whole other thing.
01:59:45.000 But it's not better.
01:59:46.000 You ever know it is?
01:59:47.000 There's a misnomer about, or whatever you want to call it, about dirty comedy being easy.
01:59:52.000 I don't buy that.
01:59:53.000 I don't buy it.
01:59:53.000 When comedians say, like clean comedians or comedians that are purists say, well, that's an easy laugh because it's about dicks.
02:00:02.000 I always want to say, well, you do it.
02:00:04.000 Yeah.
02:00:04.000 Go up and get the easy laughs with the dirty shit.
02:00:08.000 It's not easy.
02:00:09.000 There's no such thing as an easy laugh.
02:00:10.000 Yeah.
02:00:11.000 There's none.
02:00:11.000 Joey Diaz used to do this bit about what he called doing the pigeon.
02:00:15.000 And he goes, that's when you're eating a girl's monkey from behind.
02:00:18.000 You stick your nose in her asshole like a fucking pigeon.
02:00:23.000 And somebody said that about it, like, oh god, why is he talking about it?
02:00:27.000 I go, you think that's easy to do?
02:00:29.000 Do you know how hard it is to be that person?
02:00:31.000 To go on stage and talk about stuffing his nose in a girl's asshole when you're eating her pussy from behind?
02:00:36.000 Yeah, and also it's just another subject, and it's a pungent subject, because sex is a pungent, and it excites people, and it scares people.
02:00:43.000 What people don't like about dirty jokes, they're really hard to follow with clean jokes.
02:00:48.000 If you're a fucking pussy, and you're not paying attention.
02:00:52.000 Yes.
02:00:52.000 Because anybody who's killing...
02:00:54.000 Comics are so stupid that they think, I can't follow that.
02:00:59.000 When somebody's killing, if you have your head on straight, you're going to have a great time.
02:01:04.000 Yeah, because the audience is primed.
02:01:06.000 They're excited.
02:01:06.000 They're having a good time.
02:01:07.000 And they don't think like, hmm, this guy...
02:01:09.000 They're not thinking in your stupid, insecure brain.
02:01:12.000 Right.
02:01:12.000 Like, huh, I bet this guy's not as good.
02:01:14.000 They're just thinking, hey, another guy.
02:01:16.000 Right.
02:01:16.000 And if you're doing something very different, they're like, cool, here's another way to...
02:01:20.000 Right.
02:01:21.000 I learned that because I was the same.
02:01:23.000 I was scared of certain guys.
02:01:24.000 I worked with a guy named John Ayers.
02:01:27.000 John Ayers, maybe?
02:01:28.000 He was a Connecticut comedian.
02:01:30.000 There were certain comedians that were like Connecticut guys.
02:01:32.000 Yeah, weird guys.
02:01:33.000 Yeah.
02:01:34.000 And he was...
02:01:36.000 He opened, it was the Nanuet Holiday Inn.
02:01:40.000 This is the 90s when comedy had just fallen out.
02:01:43.000 Remember all the clubs?
02:01:44.000 Catch closed, the improv closed.
02:01:47.000 Yep.
02:01:47.000 And I was, had been in it too long to quit, and now I was doing like $100 gigs out of town.
02:01:54.000 So I was at the Nanuet for a whole week, like Wednesday through Sunday, with Tom Ayers, Tom Ayers.
02:02:01.000 Nice guy too.
02:02:02.000 I liked him.
02:02:02.000 And his closing bit, he was opening for me and he would just annihilate.
02:02:08.000 And his closing bit was he had a banjo and he would do dueling banjos.
02:02:15.000 So he had a hat on that was like a helicopter with hooks that he put...
02:02:23.000 A cow on it, like a stuffed cow.
02:02:25.000 And he'd go...
02:02:26.000 And on the tape would go...
02:02:29.000 And then he'd move the thing and put on a cat.
02:02:33.000 And so each animal...
02:02:35.000 And at the end, he's spinning.
02:02:37.000 The thing is spinning on his head.
02:02:39.000 And he's playing...
02:02:40.000 And all the animals are...
02:02:42.000 And people are going...
02:02:43.000 You see them like so excited.
02:02:45.000 And at the end, he'd play a big finish...
02:02:47.000 And he'd raise his leg.
02:02:49.000 And on the tape was a big fart.
02:02:52.000 Made no sense.
02:02:53.000 Big fart at the end.
02:02:55.000 And the people would get up, just stand up and applaud.
02:03:00.000 And I think Keith Robinson was emceeing for me.
02:03:04.000 He's opening for me at MSG now.
02:03:06.000 I mean, on the 20th.
02:03:08.000 Keith was like, you want me to do some time?
02:03:11.000 And I'm like, bring me right up.
02:03:13.000 Because it was the first time I watched a guy really just go for it like that.
02:03:17.000 And I thought, it's beautiful.
02:03:18.000 I loved it.
02:03:19.000 And there's joy in it.
02:03:21.000 And the audience is so happy, so I started telling them, bring me right up.
02:03:25.000 Give no pause.
02:03:26.000 People would barely hear him introduce me.
02:03:29.000 And I'd be out to people going, oh, oh, just like dying, and I'd just look at them, and I had great sets after Tom Ayres.
02:03:38.000 You rode the wave.
02:03:39.000 I did.
02:03:40.000 Yeah.
02:03:41.000 That's what people have to realize, to just ride the wave.
02:03:44.000 Comics tend to think of things, a lot of comics are narcissists, and they think of themselves more than they think of anything else.
02:03:50.000 And they also, they have a famine mentality.
02:03:54.000 What's that?
02:03:55.000 Famine mentality means there's only enough for one person.
02:03:58.000 Like there's not enough for everybody.
02:03:59.000 It's a weird way to think of the world.
02:04:01.000 It's a terrible way to think of the world.
02:04:02.000 It's so wrong.
02:04:03.000 And it's so self-serving.
02:04:05.000 And it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
02:04:09.000 Like if you really do believe that there's only so much out there, you'll act as if And you'll give up.
02:04:16.000 You'll start to alienate people around you because people know that you're really just thinking about yourself.
02:04:23.000 You get real weird.
02:04:24.000 And then people get weird around you.
02:04:26.000 They don't feel comfortable.
02:04:28.000 When you're happy for people, genuinely happy for people, better things happen.
02:04:32.000 Everybody feels good.
02:04:33.000 No, I always tell comics when you're watching a guy before you, and you're thinking, what a piece.
02:04:39.000 If you shit on a comic to the person next to you, you're going to bomb.
02:04:43.000 I've seen that happen a million times.
02:04:45.000 Somebody's on stage and the guy next to me is going, God, I hate this.
02:04:48.000 I hate when he says this.
02:04:49.000 Yeah.
02:04:50.000 And they go on and they have a shitty set.
02:04:51.000 Because you're angry.
02:04:52.000 Yeah, it's the last thing you should be thinking about.
02:04:54.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:04:55.000 You know?
02:04:55.000 And also, some comedians, you know, a lot of us are frustrated.
02:04:58.000 We wish we were like rock stars.
02:04:59.000 So, you know, we want to look cool up there, but nobody wants you to look cool.
02:05:03.000 Nobody wants you to look cool.
02:05:04.000 They just want to laugh.
02:05:05.000 Yeah.
02:05:05.000 But the looking cool thing is because you don't want to feel like a piece of shit, and you do, so you decide, I want to look cool, so that way I won't be a piece of shit.
02:05:14.000 Yeah.
02:05:14.000 And then you go up there and you just ruin the vibe.
02:05:17.000 Yeah.
02:05:19.000 It's so complicated.
02:05:21.000 There's so much going on with comedy.
02:05:23.000 Yeah.
02:05:24.000 There's so much going on with every phrase and everything you say.
02:05:27.000 It's really like mass hypnosis.
02:05:29.000 That's really what's going on.
02:05:31.000 Yeah, there are some I've kind of gotten realized in the last few years.
02:05:36.000 Because I've been deep now.
02:05:38.000 I'm 38 years into it.
02:05:41.000 And there's like you get another...
02:05:42.000 It's like Scientology when they tell you about the aliens.
02:05:46.000 You've got to get really deep in.
02:05:48.000 Yeah, you start to go.
02:05:49.000 Oh There's shit about stand-up.
02:05:52.000 I didn't know and one of them is that there's some automatic laughs that you're getting and You got to be careful with that right just timing laughs Yeah, you're just getting some laughs cuz mm-hmm, you know like tags a lot of tags are just like all you're doing is spending that dollar again And they'll laugh for you and also they're nice people.
02:06:11.000 Yeah, and Comedy audience automatically is a pretty nice person.
02:06:17.000 They have fun.
02:06:18.000 Well, and also they came to sit and in this day and age of like staring into it, they put their phone down for the most part and they sit with strangers like shoulder to shoulder and they listen to a fucking person.
02:06:30.000 You know, for sometimes two hours.
02:06:32.000 They're just listening.
02:06:33.000 It's a very giving, you know, people that can't, there's people that can't do that, like sit in a comedy audience.
02:06:40.000 They're constantly, you know, like people you see leaving their table constantly.
02:06:44.000 And some people, like, they're just not built for it.
02:06:47.000 But it takes a very patient and giving person.
02:06:49.000 So they'll laugh.
02:06:51.000 And I think about this when I do shit that's really fucked up.
02:06:55.000 And I get some laughs, but I look at them and I go, you didn't want to laugh at that, but you did it for me.
02:06:59.000 You did it for me.
02:07:01.000 Especially if they're your fans.
02:07:02.000 Yeah.
02:07:03.000 But also, like, I have my ex-girlfriend, who's my dear friend.
02:07:07.000 She's a comedian in France.
02:07:08.000 Her name is Blanche Gardin.
02:07:10.000 She's a hilarious comedian.
02:07:12.000 She's a huge star in France.
02:07:13.000 She's like the biggest star there.
02:07:16.000 And I used to go see her do shows.
02:07:18.000 I saw her about ten times in French.
02:07:21.000 And I would sit in the audience and watch her and I'd laugh really hard and I don't know anything that she's saying.
02:07:26.000 And I'm not fake laughing.
02:07:28.000 I'm just, it's hypnosis.
02:07:30.000 I start getting into it.
02:07:32.000 She's got a rhythm and she's got, she's really good at it.
02:07:36.000 And so there's ways that she's doing this stuff and then she's building a thing and I just find myself laughing with the people also because they're laughing.
02:07:44.000 But also I just, I was honestly laughing really hard at something.
02:07:49.000 I didn't know what they were saying.
02:07:51.000 So I know that there's this armature under the jokes.
02:07:55.000 That's just a, it's a trick.
02:07:57.000 It's a bit of a trick.
02:07:58.000 There's definitely that, but there's also if you are genuinely having a good time and you're genuinely locked into these ideas, like you're not thinking about anything else.
02:08:09.000 You're thinking about those ideas and that makes its way into other people's minds.
02:08:13.000 Yeah, when you do, that's to me the goal.
02:08:17.000 Every show, to break out of the rhythm.
02:08:20.000 And try to be saying this stuff and really feeling it.
02:08:23.000 Yeah, you have to be actually thinking about it in the moment.
02:08:25.000 And when you're not, they can tell.
02:08:26.000 Yes, they can.
02:08:27.000 In some weird way, they can tell.
02:08:30.000 It's a weird thing about what an audience can...
02:08:33.000 But sometimes you think they can...
02:08:35.000 You think there's stuff going on on stage that's not going on.
02:08:38.000 Right.
02:08:39.000 Yeah, it's because it's in your head.
02:08:40.000 It's in your head and you're in a very weird place.
02:08:43.000 On stage, it's like being a pilot in 20 G's.
02:08:46.000 It's like your brain's not working properly.
02:08:48.000 You're being a pilot, but you're also a passenger, too, because you're kind of like riding this thing.
02:08:52.000 You want to steer it, but you're also kind of riding it.
02:08:56.000 You're in it with them.
02:08:57.000 At the best, you're in it with them.
02:08:58.000 You're like, right?
02:09:01.000 It is a mass hypnosis.
02:09:03.000 I really think it is.
02:09:05.000 And I think it's very difficult to trick people on stage.
02:09:08.000 I think you could trick people for a little while, but after a while, they kind of figure out who you really are.
02:09:12.000 Yeah, well, it's like pitching.
02:09:13.000 I think a comedy like pitching a lot.
02:09:15.000 They'll time your fastball after a while.
02:09:17.000 They see it.
02:09:17.000 It's like, you know when there's a new phenom that gets put in a game, and he strikes everybody out?
02:09:24.000 But by the sixth inning, they've all been up twice, and they just start killing the ball.
02:09:30.000 That's most comics.
02:09:32.000 They figure out how to pitch.
02:09:34.000 But after a while, the audience goes, I am.
02:09:37.000 I don't know what you're doing.
02:09:38.000 But if you can be like, what's his name, El Duque and the Yankees, like many arm angles, not sure where it's coming from.
02:09:44.000 I think of some jokes as brushback pitches, some stuff where they just go, what the fuck was that?
02:09:51.000 And some of those jokes, you don't come back and fix them.
02:09:56.000 You just let them be upset and you go, yeah, I'll do that.
02:09:58.000 Just watch it.
02:09:59.000 I'll fucking do that.
02:10:01.000 That wasn't even to make you laugh.
02:10:04.000 You now know what I'm going to do, so don't dig in too easy.
02:10:08.000 They're off balance.
02:10:09.000 You can get them different ways.
02:10:12.000 We talked about, you at one point in time thought about opening up a comedy club?
02:10:17.000 Yeah, because you're opening one here.
02:10:18.000 Yeah, you thought about it?
02:10:19.000 When?
02:10:21.000 I thought about it When I saw the Babe Ruth movie with John Goodman.
02:10:27.000 Did you ever see that movie?
02:10:27.000 No!
02:10:28.000 He played Babe Ruth.
02:10:29.000 And I don't know how much truth there is in it, but he wanted to manage a ball team.
02:10:35.000 And John Goodman was such a good actor.
02:10:37.000 And he does this moment where he says, I just want to...
02:10:40.000 I love the guys.
02:10:41.000 I want to take care of the guys.
02:10:43.000 I want to be the guy who looks after them and, you know, trains them and makes sure they're okay.
02:10:49.000 Because he just loved ballplayers.
02:10:52.000 I watched him do that and I thought, that's how I feel about comedy.
02:10:54.000 I'd like to have a club and be the place where new guys come in and new people and watching them and encouraging awkward comedians that aren't...
02:11:07.000 Easy laughers, you know?
02:11:08.000 Right.
02:11:09.000 And being a place and bringing in great veterans for them to learn from, you know what I mean?
02:11:15.000 And cultivating an audience.
02:11:17.000 I watched a lot of guys do that.
02:11:19.000 Like Manny in The Cellar and Lucian Holden in the comic strip.
02:11:23.000 Some of my best friends were comedy club owners.
02:11:27.000 Guys I respected so much were, you know, guys that ran clubs.
02:11:32.000 So I thought that would be really cool.
02:11:34.000 But it's a very, I mean, opening a fucking business is horrible.
02:11:40.000 Yeah.
02:11:40.000 I don't want to do that now.
02:11:42.000 Yeah, I don't want to either, but I'm stuck.
02:11:44.000 Are you anxious about it?
02:11:48.000 Surprisingly, not that anxious.
02:11:50.000 No.
02:11:51.000 Yeah, I have an unusual ability to handle a lot of stress.
02:11:55.000 I just kind of like settle in to whatever that is.
02:11:59.000 And I go, okay, this is what we're doing.
02:12:01.000 I cannot freak out.
02:12:03.000 And so this is not that stressful because I've got really good people here.
02:12:08.000 You know, I brought Curtis Nelson and Adam Egott and Eric from the Comedy Store.
02:12:13.000 All these people from the Comedy Store.
02:12:14.000 Carrie to run the bar.
02:12:16.000 I brought the best people that were at the Comedy Store.
02:12:19.000 Because it was during the pandemic.
02:12:20.000 Nobody was working.
02:12:21.000 Right.
02:12:22.000 I said, hey, this is what I'm going to do.
02:12:23.000 Do you guys want to work for me?
02:12:25.000 And so for the last year and a half, they've been actually working for free.
02:12:29.000 Wow.
02:12:30.000 They've been getting paid, but they haven't been working.
02:12:33.000 They're not working.
02:12:34.000 They've just been waiting to work.
02:12:35.000 You're just holding them.
02:12:36.000 Right, but I kept giving them their full salary.
02:12:39.000 Right.
02:12:39.000 I just said, this is not your problem.
02:12:42.000 We had an initial venue that fell apart, so we had to buy a second venue, and the second venue required considerable construction.
02:12:49.000 So I said, listen, this is okay.
02:12:52.000 We're going to have fun.
02:12:53.000 So let's just do this the right way, and I want everybody to be comfortable.
02:12:56.000 Right.
02:12:56.000 And now we're less than a month away.
02:12:59.000 That's amazing.
02:13:00.000 It's pretty exciting.
02:13:01.000 And it's really good.
02:13:02.000 Like, the inside looks fucking incredible.
02:13:04.000 And the scene here is already amazing.
02:13:05.000 I mean, we went, I did the Vulcan last night, and then after I did a set there, I went over to the Creek in the Cave, and then there's other rooms in town, too.
02:13:13.000 And guys are hopping back and forth from room to room and doing two, three sets a night.
02:13:17.000 It's really exciting.
02:13:18.000 And there's really good comics here.
02:13:21.000 There's really good, like, up-and-coming people.
02:13:23.000 That's great.
02:13:23.000 Tom Segura moved here.
02:13:25.000 Duncan Trussell moved here.
02:13:26.000 Tim Dillon lives here now.
02:13:28.000 Christina Pazitzky.
02:13:30.000 There's a lot of really good comics.
02:13:31.000 Tony Hinchcliffe.
02:13:33.000 So we're doing these shows.
02:13:34.000 Ron White is here.
02:13:35.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:13:36.000 I saw him.
02:13:36.000 He came to see me at the Creek in the Cave last time.
02:13:39.000 Oh, did he?
02:13:39.000 He's one of my favorites.
02:13:39.000 He's the best.
02:13:41.000 He's the godfather of this town.
02:13:43.000 So when we're doing these shows, we're doing shows like...
02:13:46.000 Shane Gillis comes into town all the time and Ari's here all the time.
02:13:49.000 So we're having so much fun.
02:13:51.000 It's really an amazing scene right now.
02:13:53.000 And it's exciting because it's new.
02:13:55.000 And all these young people that come here and they do Kill Tony, that show, and so that gives them a chance to maybe get one minute and do it in front of hundreds of thousands of people on YouTube.
02:14:05.000 So there's like this energy to this town.
02:14:08.000 That's happening now with stand-up that's really exciting because it's a completely new scene.
02:14:13.000 That's great.
02:14:14.000 Well, like you said, you can't practice it at home.
02:14:17.000 It's the only way to learn it.
02:14:19.000 So I always feel a responsibility in that sense.
02:14:23.000 If you love stand-up, you've got to encourage other people.
02:14:27.000 I bring people on the road with me who I think need exposure to higher pressure and stuff.
02:14:32.000 Yeah.
02:14:33.000 And to help them learn and also to tap my head.
02:14:37.000 I spend the whole time talking to them and answering stuff and stuff like that.
02:14:41.000 And when I'm at the cellar, I try to...
02:14:43.000 I like mentoring.
02:14:43.000 I like being a bit of a teacher, you know?
02:14:45.000 Yeah.
02:14:45.000 But you have to because there's no school for it and there's no...
02:14:49.000 Which is wild.
02:14:50.000 Yeah, there never will be.
02:14:52.000 I don't think anybody will ever properly...
02:14:53.000 You can't really teach stand-up.
02:14:55.000 It comes from the heart or the balls or the pussy or wherever it comes from.
02:14:59.000 Well, how do you do it?
02:14:59.000 Do you do it like Steve Martin?
02:15:00.000 Or do you do it like Stephen Wright?
02:15:02.000 Or do you do it like Patrice O'Neill?
02:15:04.000 You can't teach that.
02:15:05.000 You can teach certain principles and you can kind of coach people in whatever their individual style is and sort of giving them some tips like maybe if you did it this way or here's the problem with that or you're taking too much time with this.
02:15:17.000 Yeah, there's obvious mistakes people make and you can help them by giving them that.
02:15:23.000 You don't need to be doing that.
02:15:24.000 Yeah.
02:15:25.000 That's a big, giant waste of time.
02:15:26.000 One thing I've told a few guys and women that work for me is, stop laughing.
02:15:31.000 You're just nervous.
02:15:33.000 That's just shit.
02:15:33.000 A little nervous laughter.
02:15:36.000 Right, right, right.
02:15:36.000 It just looks dumb, and it's just, do the joke.
02:15:41.000 That nervous laughter is because you said something that's kind of tough to sell.
02:15:45.000 Fucking stand there and sell it.
02:15:46.000 Or just say, that's the joke.
02:15:49.000 Like, Adrienne Appalucha opens for me a lot.
02:15:52.000 She's hilarious.
02:15:54.000 Very funny.
02:15:54.000 And she's really hard to take for a lot of, for my crowd, who are there to be offended.
02:16:01.000 What I love doing, whenever Adrienne's on stage, I'm right behind her, behind the curtain, and I'm standing there where I can really hear, because she does these jokes and people go, oh!
02:16:13.000 She does this thing about racism and white women are the worst and that we don't have enough serial killers because they always kill white women.
02:16:25.000 And it boils down to, when you think about it, Jeffrey Dahmer did more for black people than Martin Luther King because he killed white women.
02:16:35.000 But he didn't.
02:16:36.000 What?
02:16:36.000 Jeffrey Dahmer didn't kill Whitewater.
02:16:38.000 Oh, I don't know.
02:16:39.000 Ted Bundy?
02:16:39.000 Not Ted Bundy, yeah.
02:16:40.000 I'm fucking up her bit.
02:16:41.000 I'm destroying her bit.
02:16:43.000 Anyway, it's a hilarious bit, but any audience goes like, Jesus!
02:16:47.000 And I love hearing them, because she's really loosening them up.
02:16:51.000 She's really fucking doing deep knee bends, getting them warmed up.
02:16:57.000 But she used to kind of nervously laugh after certain jokes, which showed a little insecurity on her part.
02:17:03.000 Like, maybe I shouldn't be saying this.
02:17:04.000 And I told her, just do the fucking joke and stand there.
02:17:07.000 Like, that's it.
02:17:08.000 That's what I said.
02:17:09.000 Yeah.
02:17:10.000 That's what I said.
02:17:11.000 And some early jokes, people were having a hitch with it.
02:17:15.000 But they see that confidence in you, and they go, I guess she doesn't give a fuck.
02:17:21.000 I guess she really means it.
02:17:23.000 And they start to...
02:17:25.000 Yeah.
02:17:26.000 You know, that's my favorite thing is how do comics that don't belong up there get good at it.
02:17:32.000 That's where great comedy comes from.
02:17:34.000 It's somebody who's not a ham and who's not even into performing much or, you know, but they just want to do this one thing.
02:17:42.000 Those are where some of the better comics come from, I think.
02:17:45.000 And then they figure it out.
02:17:46.000 And it's so exciting to watch them figure it out.
02:17:49.000 It's so exciting to watch someone go from being like...
02:17:51.000 It used to be like guys who were like a doorman at the comedy store.
02:17:54.000 And then you see them six, seven years later and you haven't seen them for a while and all of a sudden they're killing.
02:17:58.000 And they've got interesting points and they've got great bits.
02:18:02.000 Yeah.
02:18:02.000 It's great to watch.
02:18:04.000 It's a fun art form, man.
02:18:05.000 It's still my favorite thing to watch after all these years.
02:18:08.000 And I didn't for a while.
02:18:12.000 In the beginning, I didn't because of jealousy and insecurity.
02:18:19.000 If someone else was killing, I'd be like, God, I wish I thought of that.
02:18:22.000 God, I wish I was killing.
02:18:23.000 It was like a weird thing where I was too wrapped up in trying to Right.
02:18:44.000 Yeah, I have written all over my notebook this year, Don't Forget to Love It.
02:18:49.000 I wrote it across the bottom of the page of all the pages one day on an airplane.
02:18:54.000 Oh, yeah.
02:18:55.000 So as I'm writing notes, it's just there.
02:18:57.000 Yeah.
02:18:57.000 Because you do forget.
02:18:58.000 It's work and it's hard.
02:19:00.000 Yeah.
02:19:00.000 And whatever you do for a living becomes a hassle.
02:19:02.000 Mm-hmm.
02:19:03.000 But you got to love it.
02:19:05.000 Whatever you do in life becomes a hassle.
02:19:08.000 One thing I always tell people is like, the one thing that you think about the most when you're sick is, God, I wish I was healthy.
02:19:15.000 Yeah.
02:19:16.000 When you're healthy, it just seems normal.
02:19:18.000 It just is what it is.
02:19:19.000 But when you get sick, you're like, oh God, this sucks.
02:19:24.000 I can't wait to get healthy.
02:19:26.000 But when you're fucking healthy, you've got to do whatever you can to preserve that and recognize that there's a possibility that you could get sick.
02:19:37.000 Appreciate the shit out of being healthy.
02:19:40.000 Well, and then with work, though, with comedy, I feel like there's this other side of the other side of the spectrum, which is that you should be willing to be very uncomfortable and very unhappy to do it right, because that's love.
02:19:51.000 That's real love.
02:19:52.000 But you're doing it, is my point.
02:19:54.000 If it took it away from you, like COVID, when we couldn't do stand-up, well, then that's you being sick.
02:20:01.000 That's what I'm saying.
02:20:02.000 I mean, it's not that it should always be the most fun thing to do, because exercise fucking blows.
02:20:08.000 Like, being healthy, like sitting in a fucking sauna for 25 minutes at 190 degrees and cold plunges and all the shit that I do, it sucks.
02:20:18.000 I don't like doing it, but I'm doing it because being healthy...
02:20:22.000 It is far superior to being sick, but you forget.
02:20:26.000 You forget sometimes.
02:20:28.000 Well, but also it can be a bummer to be healthy.
02:20:33.000 It can be.
02:20:34.000 How so?
02:20:36.000 Well, I've had streaks where I'm like, I'm doing it all right.
02:20:40.000 And I'm not doing things that I know make me feel like shit.
02:20:43.000 Like eating a bunch of pizza that's just going to flood me with sugar and slow me down and give me a headache and give me a depression that I end up curing with a cigarette and then I can't move even more and then I eat more.
02:20:55.000 And it's a terrible thing.
02:20:57.000 And two weeks later, I come out of a dungeon.
02:20:59.000 I've got to stop.
02:21:01.000 Like, I can't believe I just wasted all that time.
02:21:03.000 Right.
02:21:04.000 But when I'm like, I'm doing it all right.
02:21:07.000 I'm eating well.
02:21:08.000 Fucking salmon with brown rice, a little bit of vegetables, you know, or whatever.
02:21:13.000 And drinking water with lemon and staying away from, you know, drinks.
02:21:18.000 No alcohol.
02:21:19.000 Right.
02:21:19.000 Right.
02:21:20.000 Sleeping without any help.
02:21:22.000 All those good things, you know?
02:21:24.000 There's a dryness to that.
02:21:26.000 After a while, I just get cranky.
02:21:28.000 I just feel like...
02:21:29.000 I want to indulge and just get some sugar in you.
02:21:36.000 Yeah, moderation.
02:21:36.000 Feeling like shit has its good points.
02:21:40.000 Indulgence has its good points.
02:21:42.000 Yeah, when you feel like...
02:21:43.000 You're like, what the fuck did I do that for?
02:21:46.000 When you hit the bottom...
02:21:48.000 There's a comfort in that.
02:21:49.000 It's a bed.
02:21:50.000 The bottom is like a bed.
02:21:52.000 Do you know what I mean?
02:21:52.000 I mean, not like alcoholics and drug addicts.
02:21:54.000 I don't know what it's like for them.
02:21:56.000 But in my little self-abuses...
02:21:59.000 Every now and then getting off the rails.
02:22:01.000 You just got to.
02:22:03.000 No, I like it.
02:22:03.000 I like doing that too.
02:22:05.000 But I stay healthy.
02:22:06.000 That's good.
02:22:07.000 But I do go off.
02:22:09.000 I mean, I will eat pizza and fucking spaghetti and ice cream.
02:22:13.000 I'll go crazy.
02:22:14.000 This is the best thing in the world.
02:22:15.000 But then I just self-correct.
02:22:16.000 I go, okay.
02:22:17.000 Yeah.
02:22:18.000 And I feel so bad when it's over.
02:22:20.000 When I eat like a giant...
02:22:22.000 Like a fucking big Italian sub and like a fucking 32-ounce Coca-Cola.
02:22:28.000 I feel like hot dog shit in an hour and a half.
02:22:32.000 No, and then ice cream, which is my favorite thing.
02:22:34.000 I'm just shit.
02:22:36.000 It's just shitsville and it's burning hot shits for like a week.
02:22:41.000 I pay hard for ice cream, so I don't do it often.
02:22:46.000 But there is...
02:22:47.000 I don't know.
02:22:48.000 I don't think it'll ever not be...
02:22:49.000 I still stay in shape and some discipline for a stand-up.
02:22:53.000 And I've got this thing at the Garden.
02:22:55.000 To me, that's the big fight of my life.
02:22:57.000 That's the championship fight.
02:22:59.000 But when that's over and I take a year off, I do...
02:23:01.000 Part of me thinks I might just Brando out.
02:23:04.000 I might get really fucking big.
02:23:06.000 I don't know.
02:23:07.000 You might do a reverse Bobby Kelly.
02:23:09.000 Yeah, I don't know.
02:23:10.000 I don't know.
02:23:11.000 I hope not.
02:23:12.000 Sometimes I'm able to be more healthy when I'm not performing because I go upstate more and I make my trail and I do my...
02:23:20.000 That's better exercise than a gym anyway.
02:23:23.000 I think it's important to be healthy, but I also think it's important to enjoy yourself.
02:23:27.000 I think there's something about food pleasure, mouth pleasure from eating a big fucking bowl of rigatoni.
02:23:35.000 It's great.
02:23:36.000 It tastes great.
02:23:37.000 It's just you got to know what's happening like I like drinking I do I enjoy drinking I like like fucking tipping a few back with my friends Cheers everyone cheers.
02:23:46.000 I like doing a shot before I go on stage.
02:23:48.000 I enjoy it Yeah, but I I know what I'm doing right I know when it comes to the morning I'm going to do everything I can to counteract that yeah sure I do everything I can with vitamins I take IV vitamins and drips and I do all kinds of shit, but I keep it working,
02:24:03.000 right?
02:24:04.000 But I also use my body in a different way because of jujitsu and martial arts.
02:24:10.000 It's a vehicle for me.
02:24:12.000 I'm using it.
02:24:13.000 Well, we live weird lives, too, because most people can't when we say things like, it's important to be healthy, but it's important to enjoy yourself.
02:24:20.000 Most people even can't have that conversation.
02:24:23.000 Right.
02:24:23.000 Like, most of the population is just...
02:24:27.000 They're just dragging their bodies across broken glass and trying to like hand off just enough to their kids and then fucking collapse in a heap of cancer.
02:24:36.000 That's most life.
02:24:37.000 They're just trying to pay the bills.
02:24:38.000 Just stay one step ahead of the grave digger.
02:24:42.000 Or only two and a half steps behind.
02:24:45.000 That's how most people live.
02:24:46.000 Like I was talking to my French pal and I said, life is a zero-sum game.
02:24:51.000 It's something I believe is a zero-sum game.
02:24:53.000 Effort you put in and it comes back, but you end up at zero.
02:24:58.000 She said, for a lot of people, life is about a negative 500-sum game.
02:25:03.000 Yeah.
02:25:03.000 And it's true.
02:25:04.000 Some people, everything they can possibly do, they end up so fucked.
02:25:08.000 Yeah.
02:25:09.000 Just fucked for good, and it's just life is fucked.
02:25:13.000 And because of that, you have this attitude that life is fucked, so then that's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
02:25:17.000 I guess.
02:25:18.000 Negative attitude.
02:25:20.000 There's not much room for that kind of shit, though, in most people's lives.
02:25:23.000 But in America, compared to everybody else, we're really doing great.
02:25:28.000 Yeah.
02:25:28.000 So we can have these long conversations about what's the right way to think and what's the right way to live and all these many, many boutique things of here's how to feel better.
02:25:39.000 Yeah.
02:25:40.000 Because we're just kind of sitting around.
02:25:42.000 We're just consumers.
02:25:43.000 We're just consumers of the rest of the world, so...
02:25:47.000 I was watching this video where these guys were talking about...
02:25:49.000 Lex Friedman and Andrew Huberman were talking about saunas and cold plunges and stuff like that and the benefits of it.
02:25:56.000 They're two scientists.
02:25:57.000 They're talking about the provable benefits, heat shock proteins, cold shock proteins.
02:26:02.000 And then I read in the comments...
02:26:04.000 Where some guy was like, yeah, well, you guys aren't talking about how much it costs to buy a sauna.
02:26:10.000 You're making it seem like it's all free.
02:26:12.000 What are you supposed to do?
02:26:14.000 Every fucking thing?
02:26:16.000 I'm sorry if you're broke.
02:26:17.000 Oh, no, you have the conversation for people that can live that way.
02:26:20.000 But it's not impossible to achieve.
02:26:25.000 We're not talking about buying a fucking Lamborghini.
02:26:27.000 I'm not saying that there's something wrong with talking about that stuff because other people can't afford it.
02:26:32.000 That's not at all what I'm saying.
02:26:33.000 What I'm saying is that it's actually part of why people are miserable is because it's a ridiculous conversation.
02:26:41.000 It's not like the earth and the experience of like competing for food and oxygen and living on earth, you know, and living in society and just being a person.
02:26:53.000 We've got to some altitude here where we're having some stupid conversations that are just, you know, should I do a cold plunger of sauna?
02:27:03.000 Like, what the fuck is that?
02:27:05.000 It's not that like, it's not you should be ashamed because people can't afford it.
02:27:09.000 I feel sorry for the guy in that conversation.
02:27:11.000 It's like it's a ridiculous trying to find just the right balance because there's nothing really challenging you because you don't have any real problems and you're not on the earth.
02:27:21.000 You're not standing on the earth anymore.
02:27:22.000 You're in a bubble where you sort of like, maybe I'll try this and maybe I'll just do protein now and I'll do, you know what I mean?
02:27:30.000 And you'll never find a balance because that's not a normal life.
02:27:36.000 That's not organic living.
02:27:37.000 That's not living like a human being, you know?
02:27:39.000 You don't have a choice because, I mean, what are you going to do?
02:27:42.000 Be poor on purpose?
02:27:43.000 But you have a physical body.
02:27:44.000 And if you have a physical body, there's things that are beneficial to your physical body.
02:27:49.000 Sure.
02:27:49.000 And if you choose to do those things, you'll have a better body.
02:27:51.000 It'll work better.
02:27:52.000 And if you choose not to do those things because you think they're ridiculous, or do you think, like, oh, that's not organic living.
02:27:58.000 That's not life.
02:27:59.000 This is not life.
02:28:00.000 It is life.
02:28:01.000 It's life.
02:28:01.000 And people have invented shoes.
02:28:02.000 The reason why they invented shoes is because rocks will cut your feet.
02:28:05.000 Yeah.
02:28:06.000 So they figured out shoes.
02:28:07.000 Shoes are better than no shoes, right?
02:28:09.000 Getting in a sauna and getting in a cold plunge is better for the physical body than not doing it.
02:28:13.000 Yeah.
02:28:14.000 It's the same thing.
02:28:14.000 Lifting weights is better than not lifting weights because then you develop a strong body and don't lose your bone density.
02:28:19.000 All true.
02:28:20.000 Like all these things are a part of life.
02:28:22.000 You can just decide they're not organic.
02:28:24.000 They're a part of life when you've removed yourself from the food chain and from real life.
02:28:28.000 They become part of life.
02:28:29.000 Well, if you're not getting eaten by tigers, yes.
02:28:31.000 That's right.
02:28:32.000 Yeah, but we already figured that out.
02:28:34.000 So as we move to becoming a multi-planetary species, there's a lot of things you're going to figure out.
02:28:40.000 Well, and also our predator now is each other.
02:28:44.000 We're not anymore about other animals.
02:28:46.000 We're about killing each other.
02:28:48.000 And when you are about other animals, that's when you realize you've really fucked up.
02:28:53.000 Like, we already sorted this out, and here I am getting eaten by a tiger.
02:28:57.000 Yeah, then you're a fucking idiot.
02:28:59.000 Yes, you're a fucking idiot if you're a human being being eaten by a tiger.
02:29:02.000 If you're a guy from Connecticut, you're getting eaten by hyenas.
02:29:05.000 You've made a giant mistake.
02:29:07.000 That's right.
02:29:07.000 But I don't know.
02:29:08.000 I think part of it is just being an old guy that I think, like, you see certain signs that the game is over because people are starting to talk about such abstract forms of life.
02:29:19.000 And I can see that none of it satisfies anybody.
02:29:23.000 Abstract forms of life, how so?
02:29:24.000 Abstract things like having your body at the right temperature and talking about different substances going in and out and ways to, you know, and turning on oxygen in certain rooms.
02:29:35.000 Well, it's just to try to enjoy it more.
02:29:35.000 It's just to try to enjoy it more.
02:29:37.000 Yes, it is.
02:29:38.000 But you won't ever get to what is fulfilling about life, I don't think.
02:29:43.000 That's not true.
02:29:43.000 Through that stuff.
02:29:44.000 That's not true.
02:29:45.000 When you do those things, your body is more relaxed.
02:29:49.000 It works better.
02:29:50.000 Sure.
02:29:50.000 And you feel better.
02:29:52.000 Sure.
02:29:52.000 It does with me.
02:29:54.000 I understand.
02:29:54.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:29:55.000 When I do cold punches and I get out, you know what raises your dopamine 200% and it lasts for multiple hours?
02:30:00.000 Yes.
02:30:01.000 You feel better.
02:30:03.000 You really feel that?
02:30:04.000 I don't even know what I'm saying.
02:30:06.000 I just feel a thing about this.
02:30:07.000 I know what you're saying.
02:30:08.000 I feel a thing about it.
02:30:09.000 But there's also a thing that people do and try to- The last thing I'm doing is putting it down from like, oh, you're so lucky you can have- That's not what I mean.
02:30:17.000 No, no, no.
02:30:17.000 But you're kind of dismissing it as being- At the end of the day, it's all fucking bullshit anyway.
02:30:23.000 Kind of.
02:30:24.000 It's just that- Which is true.
02:30:26.000 I think that the most- I don't know.
02:30:29.000 There's a form of life.
02:30:31.000 It's a weird thing because you're not supposed to be happy.
02:30:34.000 And you're not supposed to be safe.
02:30:36.000 I think that that's the problem is that people expect that.
02:30:39.000 And it's not a good way to...
02:30:41.000 You're not happy when you're safe.
02:30:43.000 You're not happy when you're happy, when you're secure.
02:30:47.000 You know, like people...
02:30:48.000 I was listening to something about the border.
02:30:50.000 You know, these people just trying to come into America.
02:30:53.000 And some people are like, well, if we let just a few in...
02:30:56.000 It's a mess.
02:30:57.000 Like, there's no good answer, you know?
02:30:59.000 Right, right.
02:30:59.000 What if we just let the ones in who are really upset?
02:31:03.000 Yeah.
02:31:03.000 But we can't let them all in.
02:31:05.000 Like, when liberals try to say, it's like the dumbest position they get into.
02:31:08.000 It's like, well, we can't let them in here.
02:31:11.000 Gotta keep them out.
02:31:12.000 But we really like them, and it's great that they're brown and sorry.
02:31:17.000 But, you know, there's like an impossible...
02:31:18.000 And then the right takes over, and they sound racist, and then the left takes over.
02:31:22.000 They just sound stupid.
02:31:24.000 But my feeling is they should open it, the border, and just let them pour it, let everybody pour in, and then the answer, which is, well, then there will be all these problems.
02:31:33.000 Yes, there should be.
02:31:34.000 It shouldn't be so great here, is what I'm saying, in America.
02:31:39.000 It shouldn't be.
02:31:39.000 It's a weird thing to sequester a certain group of people and try to keep upping their lifespan and their lifestyle.
02:31:47.000 And just keep trying to increase that for this group of people and then this pressure of people trying to come in so they can enjoy it.
02:31:54.000 And then it gets worse and worse down here.
02:31:56.000 I mean, I'm not in Canada.
02:31:58.000 It's really just from down here.
02:32:01.000 There's something wrong with that.
02:32:02.000 That's not a system that's working.
02:32:04.000 And it forces people to do cruel things to other people.
02:32:07.000 There's a lot of people that die so Americans can be safe.
02:32:11.000 They're just dying, you know, weddings that are drone bombed in Yemen because the guy said something that might have resulted in American insecurity.
02:32:24.000 Not even like definite American deaths, but like just so we can breathe a little easier.
02:32:28.000 Folks die.
02:32:30.000 And folks do labor in unsafe places so that we can keep the prices where we like them.
02:32:36.000 There's so much about American life that other people pay for.
02:32:39.000 That's part of it.
02:32:40.000 But also, it's not good for us either.
02:32:42.000 It's not a good way to live in a gated community, you know?
02:32:46.000 If you let folks pour in like any other wave, it'll kind of slosh.
02:32:51.000 And then you'll just, things will be different.
02:32:53.000 I don't know, like, what'll really happen?
02:32:56.000 A bunch of people, like, will they just come with knives and start killing everybody?
02:33:00.000 I don't think so.
02:33:02.000 I don't know what'll happen, but it's just weird to me.
02:33:04.000 I mean, I lived in Mexico when I was a kid.
02:33:05.000 My dad's Mexican.
02:33:07.000 And I remember my first cogent thoughts were in Mexico, and then I came to America.
02:33:12.000 But you lived in Mexico pre-cartels.
02:33:14.000 It's a different world now.
02:33:16.000 Yeah, but it was Mexico in the 70s.
02:33:17.000 It was a pretty gnarly, smelly place.
02:33:19.000 Oh, I'm sure.
02:33:20.000 I mean, it was Mexico City.
02:33:21.000 It was beautiful, also.
02:33:22.000 It was a city before America had anything.
02:33:24.000 It's this very old European kind of place, you know, Mexico.
02:33:27.000 It's a beautiful country.
02:33:29.000 And it's got a lot more depth to it than anybody knows here.
02:33:32.000 And we're not really sharing with them because they're kind of like the other guys because we're afraid of how many of them are dying to come here to work for us for very little.
02:33:43.000 Like this thing.
02:33:44.000 I don't know.
02:33:45.000 I don't know.
02:33:46.000 This is shit I don't know about.
02:33:47.000 But the feeling I get...
02:33:50.000 Is that the more this American security, this feeling of like, you know, there's more oxygen in the air, it's not good in the end for everybody, somehow.
02:34:01.000 Well, it's certainly not balanced, right?
02:34:04.000 No, it's not balanced.
02:34:05.000 The top 1% of the world is $34,000 a year.
02:34:10.000 You make $34,000 a year, you're in the top 1% of the world.
02:34:14.000 You're basically living in, like, lower-income America is the top 1% of the world, which is crazy.
02:34:22.000 It is.
02:34:23.000 And so, like, why is that?
02:34:24.000 Well, corrupt governments, lack of freedom, lack of democracy, but also exploitation from American businesses.
02:34:31.000 Where they go over there and they start sweat chops and, you know...
02:34:34.000 I mean, one of the greatest ironies is people complaining about social justice issues on an iPhone, which is made by slaves.
02:34:40.000 Oh, yeah, it's a horrible...
02:34:42.000 Yeah.
02:34:42.000 It's a horrible thing.
02:34:43.000 I had Siddharth Kara on the podcast.
02:34:46.000 He's a journalist that traveled to the Congo to watch them mine cobalt and he snuck into these cobalt mines and he wrote this...
02:34:53.000 Is it called Cobalt Red?
02:34:55.000 Is that what it's called?
02:34:57.000 It's out at the end of this month.
02:35:00.000 Oh, what they do to get the...
02:35:01.000 It's fucking horrific.
02:35:04.000 Yeah.
02:35:04.000 I mean, horrific.
02:35:05.000 It's all slaves.
02:35:07.000 It's slaves.
02:35:08.000 It's women who are 19 years old with cobalt red, how the blood of the Congo powers our lives.
02:35:13.000 And that's some of what goes into electric cars and stuff, too, right?
02:35:16.000 Yes, cobalt.
02:35:17.000 Yeah.
02:35:17.000 It goes with lithium-ion batteries.
02:35:20.000 It stabilizes them.
02:35:22.000 So, you know, there's all sorts of shit that has to—that's a cobalt mine.
02:35:27.000 The thing is that we look at these wide shots of just, like, clogs of people.
02:35:32.000 That's how most human beings live.
02:35:36.000 Well, this is particularly egregious.
02:35:37.000 And this is—what are they—they're making iPhones in there.
02:35:40.000 First of all, look at that dude right there, the one with the tan shirt.
02:35:43.000 Yeah.
02:35:44.000 That dude's jacked.
02:35:45.000 If I was that guy, I'd be like, hey, buddy, do you know how to wrestle?
02:35:48.000 Yeah.
02:35:48.000 Like, come here.
02:35:49.000 You want to make some money?
02:35:50.000 Yeah.
02:35:50.000 Like, look at the size of that motherfucker.
02:35:52.000 That guy's got superior genetics.
02:35:53.000 This is some guy.
02:35:55.000 This is some guy.
02:35:56.000 He could live in Cincinnati.
02:35:58.000 Right.
02:35:58.000 He could work at the Avis at the airport in St. Louis.
02:36:03.000 Or he could be a UFC champion.
02:36:04.000 Yeah.
02:36:05.000 But he's in this huge pile of people so that we can have the new phone.
02:36:11.000 It's a crazy amount of...
02:36:15.000 It's so lopsided.
02:36:17.000 So lopsided.
02:36:17.000 And then our lives become more and more pointless until people are like, should we just give Americans money?
02:36:25.000 You know, like Andrew Yang's idea.
02:36:26.000 Let's just give them money and they don't have to do anything.
02:36:29.000 Like, what are we doing?
02:36:32.000 What the fuck?
02:36:33.000 The point of life used to be, don't die.
02:36:37.000 That used to be the point of life.
02:36:39.000 Don't die.
02:36:39.000 Pass on your sperm or whatever.
02:36:42.000 And then somewhere in the margins, you'd be like, this feels good.
02:36:45.000 You know, like next to a fire and you just almost died, but you cooked the thing that tried to kill you and you're eating it.
02:36:51.000 And you go, all right, I feel good.
02:36:53.000 This feels nice.
02:36:54.000 And you get to enjoy the stars in the sky, you know?
02:36:56.000 There was something to that.
02:36:58.000 But this point of like, just give everybody money every week.
02:37:01.000 So that they can buy, but who's doing anything?
02:37:05.000 Where's the money coming from?
02:37:06.000 Let them make the shit.
02:37:07.000 They're invisible.
02:37:10.000 And then let's all just be.
02:37:13.000 And then we start having conversations about what's the right way to say things and what's the right stuff to put in your body and what's the right position to sleep in.
02:37:20.000 Because it's a joke.
02:37:22.000 It's just funny to me, I guess is the thing.
02:37:24.000 I see what you're saying.
02:37:25.000 I remember I was at a wedding and there was a guy there who was a Tibetan with his wife.
02:37:31.000 And my wife and I were talking about our dog.
02:37:34.000 And we're saying that she was getting surgery.
02:37:38.000 She's had a hard month.
02:37:39.000 And he goes, I'm sorry, who was getting surgery?
02:37:41.000 And we said our dog.
02:37:43.000 And he just laughed really hard.
02:37:46.000 He's like, what?
02:37:48.000 What?
02:37:48.000 Our dog was in surgery.
02:37:51.000 And he's like, I'm really sorry.
02:37:53.000 And he was like, I'm sorry.
02:37:54.000 I don't understand.
02:37:56.000 He thought like our mom was having surgery or something.
02:37:58.000 It's like, you give your dog surgery?
02:38:01.000 You put a dog in an operating room and operate them?
02:38:04.000 This guy who's like from some place in Tibet was like, that's insane.
02:38:09.000 You know?
02:38:10.000 It's like my chicken has a psychiatrist on some level.
02:38:13.000 It's like ridiculous.
02:38:17.000 We're from...
02:38:17.000 And I looked in that guy's eyes and I'm like, I want to be him.
02:38:21.000 And it's not that I'm ashamed of me being because of him, but I just think we've gotten really far away.
02:38:28.000 And that's me and how I feel.
02:38:29.000 I mean, when I meet my kids' age...
02:38:33.000 And I talk to my kids.
02:38:34.000 I'm like, they're ahead of me in some ways, and they got something new that I'm not sure of.
02:38:40.000 And my nephews, I have four nephews.
02:38:43.000 Well, they got their eyes are forward, you know?
02:38:46.000 And a lot of the shit...
02:38:48.000 What do you mean?
02:38:48.000 Well, like, a lot of the shit, you know, that we worry about, you know, these kids are growing up with the internet and TikTok, and they kind of...
02:38:56.000 They're smarter about that stuff.
02:38:59.000 It was a big jolt for us, the internet, but they're...
02:39:02.000 Well, they're growing up with it.
02:39:03.000 They don't know a life without it.
02:39:05.000 Yeah, so they're brighter.
02:39:05.000 I know they're going to...
02:39:06.000 They're adapting.
02:39:07.000 There's an energy to my kids and their friends that I really admire, and I think that gives me hope.
02:39:14.000 I always have hope for human beings.
02:39:16.000 I think human beings figure things out.
02:39:18.000 Human beings figure things out.
02:39:19.000 They do.
02:39:20.000 And they also mean well on the whole to each other.
02:39:24.000 They hurt each other a lot, but I think that people don't want to.
02:39:29.000 And there's always extraordinary...
02:39:31.000 You know, the kind of things that go down in history of extraordinary moments.
02:39:51.000 I think one thing a lot of people are doing is looking at the big picture too much and thinking they can...
02:39:58.000 They listen to podcasts and they have a whole world opinion.
02:40:02.000 But your only responsibility is the space you take up and the people you encounter.
02:40:07.000 Right.
02:40:07.000 That's all you should be thinking about.
02:40:09.000 Yeah, and when you're thinking globally, it's a giant distraction.
02:40:12.000 Yes.
02:40:12.000 And really, you don't have any real ability to affect things that much.
02:40:17.000 No.
02:40:18.000 The things you can do is...
02:40:21.000 Be kind to people you know and that you encounter people every day.
02:40:25.000 Try to live a life of interaction instead of distraction.
02:40:29.000 And be out and look at folks and treat them okay.
02:40:34.000 That's like huge.
02:40:36.000 There's a lot of people.
02:40:37.000 There's a great movie called Demand for All Seasons.
02:40:40.000 It's about Thomas More, I think.
02:40:43.000 This guy who was the king's...
02:40:46.000 He was the chancellor of England during Henry VIII. I'm not going to talk about the whole movie, but it's remarkable.
02:40:52.000 I love the movie.
02:40:53.000 And there's a scene where he was a very powerful man, so this one guy keeps trying to get him a position in government, and he says to the guy, I don't think you'd be good at it, but I'll get you a job as a teacher.
02:41:06.000 And he goes, why would I want to be a teacher?
02:41:08.000 And he says, I think you would be a great teacher.
02:41:10.000 And the guy said, but who would know it?
02:41:13.000 And he said, well, God, your students, your friends, and yourself.
02:41:19.000 That's a pretty good crowd.
02:41:21.000 I think of life more that way now.
02:41:25.000 Like, it's cool this, I could be a big, or then the negative side of it.
02:41:30.000 How are we going to, all this fucked up, who's going to solve all this?
02:41:32.000 Right.
02:41:33.000 But if you can just be a good person and do your best anyway.
02:41:38.000 You do your best.
02:41:39.000 That's all anybody can do.
02:41:40.000 You also got to acknowledge that you've got problems in your head and you're, everyone's selfish in ways that ends up not being good for other people.
02:41:47.000 Everybody has that.
02:41:48.000 So you try to balance, try to balance and be okay with the people in your, In your work, you know?
02:41:55.000 And your family, try to be a real parent to your kids.
02:42:02.000 I think that's the only thing you can really do.
02:42:05.000 It is bizarre, this very...
02:42:08.000 Very common aspiration to want to be recognized by an enormous number of people that you don't even know.
02:42:13.000 Yeah, that's a weird thing.
02:42:15.000 I don't have that.
02:42:15.000 I mean, I've been recognized by a huge amount of people.
02:42:18.000 Which is hilarious.
02:42:18.000 You don't have that.
02:42:19.000 I don't care about it.
02:42:19.000 But you're a famous comedian.
02:42:21.000 Yeah.
02:42:21.000 Maybe if you weren't, you would have that.
02:42:23.000 Maybe I would.
02:42:24.000 Because you know what it is, and you've experienced it, and it's been a giant part of your life, is walking out there and everybody goes crazy and cheers and like, thank you.
02:42:33.000 It's weird.
02:42:33.000 When I come out and they're all cheering, I want it to stop so quickly.
02:42:37.000 I often tell them to stop.
02:42:39.000 But I really don't like that part.
02:42:41.000 It's strange.
02:42:42.000 I don't like it.
02:42:43.000 It's not normal.
02:42:44.000 I like normal interaction, so I don't like that.
02:42:47.000 I think what's normal is it's setting a tone, like, they're happy you're here, and I'm like, I'm happy you're happy, thank you.
02:42:53.000 Thank you, I'm happy you're happy, and I'm happy too, and I've got a bunch of shit for you.
02:42:58.000 That's it.
02:42:58.000 I've really been working on this.
02:42:59.000 That's right.
02:43:00.000 Yeah.
02:43:00.000 That's right.
02:43:01.000 But the people that really soak it in, they love it.
02:43:03.000 Yeah.
02:43:04.000 They need it.
02:43:04.000 They need it.
02:43:05.000 Yeah.
02:43:05.000 I've seen people stand on stage and they just look at the crowd.
02:43:09.000 They take it in and they just walk around.
02:43:12.000 Yeah.
02:43:12.000 Oh, man.
02:43:13.000 I saw Paul Simon at Forest Hills in New York, and I had done it like a week before, and I went there to see him.
02:43:20.000 I know him, a friend of mine.
02:43:22.000 Cool.
02:43:22.000 So he was on stage and it was like one of his last tours.
02:43:26.000 And Forest Hills is like a block from where he grew up.
02:43:28.000 So it just, they loved him so much.
02:43:31.000 And about halfway through, I saw this moment where the crowd was going nuts and he just put his arms out and he just went like this and he basked in it.
02:43:39.000 Wow.
02:43:40.000 And I brought it up to him later and he said, oh, you saw it.
02:43:43.000 I'm so ashamed of that.
02:43:44.000 I'm so ashamed of that.
02:43:46.000 He said, the second I did it, I was like, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it.
02:43:52.000 He's like, that's not cool.
02:43:53.000 That's hilarious.
02:43:54.000 He just tried it out.
02:43:55.000 You're not here to be like, hey.
02:43:57.000 You're here to go like, here's the show.
02:43:59.000 Here's the show.
02:44:00.000 Yeah, but he's a rock star.
02:44:02.000 Isn't that funny?
02:44:02.000 That's the thing that people love.
02:44:04.000 The thing that people love is the thing you really should not want to be.
02:44:07.000 It's like this complete alien.
02:44:09.000 It's no good for a human being.
02:44:10.000 Stands in front of people.
02:44:12.000 No.
02:44:13.000 The thing I'm excited, and I have to bring it back to my stupid plug, but the garden show.
02:44:18.000 I used to do it.
02:44:20.000 It was normal.
02:44:21.000 To do the garden for me before, which is not a good thing.
02:44:24.000 I remember Chris Rock saying to me once after a show at the garden, he's like, this is like a club for you where you try shit out now.
02:44:31.000 Because I did it like five times in a week.
02:44:33.000 I just take the subway, take the C train up, do the garden and leave.
02:44:36.000 I don't party after the show.
02:44:39.000 But that went away and I hadn't been there for a while.
02:44:42.000 But now to me, this one show there is this very exciting thought to just do one.
02:44:48.000 And the set I've prepared for it is not a rockstar set.
02:44:51.000 It's pretty gritty.
02:44:53.000 I mean, it all kills.
02:44:54.000 It's similar to what I saw at The Creek?
02:44:56.000 Yeah, I've been working on it since, so there's a lot of new stuff.
02:44:59.000 But the idea of being surrounded by these 18,000 people in this elite arena...
02:45:06.000 And saying some of this stuff.
02:45:08.000 But also knowing that I've crafted it.
02:45:10.000 So it's not just reckless.
02:45:12.000 You know what I mean?
02:45:12.000 Right, right, right.
02:45:14.000 I'm really excited.
02:45:16.000 38 years in comedy, I don't get that excited.
02:45:19.000 But I'm really excited about it.
02:45:20.000 I'm excited for it, too.
02:45:21.000 I love that you've made this return.
02:45:24.000 And then, you know, you experienced a bunch of resistance, but now it's kind of gone.
02:45:29.000 Yeah, just keep doing it.
02:45:31.000 Yeah, and now you're doing shit that's really being recognized.
02:45:36.000 Like, you won a fucking Emmy.
02:45:38.000 Yeah, I got a Grammy.
02:45:39.000 I got a Grammy since I came back.
02:45:41.000 Yeah, yeah, that was nice.
02:45:42.000 It's nice.
02:45:42.000 And I think you won a Grammy for the special.
02:45:44.000 It was very funny, but I think the next one was...
02:45:47.000 I think Sorry was even better.
02:45:48.000 Thank you, man.
02:45:49.000 I really do.
02:45:50.000 Sorry was amazing.
02:45:50.000 That got nominated for a Grammy, so we'll see what happens.
02:45:52.000 I hope it wins.
02:45:53.000 Yeah, we'll see.
02:45:54.000 I love it if you won two years in a row.
02:45:55.000 I want to see people get crazy.
02:45:56.000 Like, fuck it!
02:45:57.000 Bullshit!
02:45:58.000 Whatever.
02:45:59.000 Goddamn!
02:46:00.000 I loved it.
02:46:01.000 I got so angry when people were calling out your, that leaked set, when people were mad.
02:46:08.000 Because to me it was like, that's what he's always done.
02:46:11.000 This is great stuff.
02:46:13.000 But not only that, you hadn't done stand-up in 10 months.
02:46:15.000 I'm like, this is the seeds of a fantastic hour.
02:46:19.000 And you're only seeing, like, literally the first couple of times he's even said these things aloud in public.
02:46:25.000 I literally was having a conversation with another comedian and came up with the bits and went on stage and did them.
02:46:30.000 So it was the first time I'd done them.
02:46:32.000 And I just got so excited to be back on stage because I had taken a long time off and there was resistance coming back.
02:46:39.000 But I was in a club with my crowd for the first time.
02:46:42.000 And so I was...
02:46:44.000 The only thing I regret is it was reckless because my life was very precarious.
02:46:49.000 Things were tough and things were tough for my kids.
02:46:51.000 So that created a bigger...
02:46:54.000 Huge stink bomb than anything else that had even happened.
02:46:57.000 The set did?
02:46:57.000 Yeah, the set was really, really hard.
02:46:59.000 So...
02:47:00.000 Given how things were, I probably could have made jokes about a couple other things.
02:47:05.000 I don't believe I did anything wrong.
02:47:08.000 You did what you've always done.
02:47:09.000 I've always done this.
02:47:10.000 The way it works is I say stuff that is the wrong thing to say.
02:47:14.000 I hear the resistance to it, and then I work with it and work with it.
02:47:19.000 And it takes a few shows for it to be a safe bit to do, but there's a few audiences that, you know, and that audience actually didn't mind it.
02:47:28.000 But it's not for regular consumption.
02:47:32.000 It's like watching somebody practice piano and going like, he sucks.
02:47:37.000 It wasn't supposed to.
02:47:40.000 I think it's really bad that we don't have these barriers anymore.
02:47:43.000 Where there's speech that's for these few people.
02:47:46.000 We're going to have a fun conversation where we're going to get a little crazy.
02:47:50.000 It's not for the whole world to see.
02:47:52.000 Well, what was infuriating to me was people that know that.
02:47:55.000 They know what you're saying.
02:47:57.000 And they went after you.
02:47:58.000 I was like, you motherfucker.
02:48:00.000 There's people that I won't talk to to this day because of that.
02:48:04.000 I was like, I'm not talking to you.
02:48:06.000 Unless you want to make some big public apology or you want to apologize to me and tell me why you did it and what real feelings of insecurity and jealousy.
02:48:16.000 But Tim Dillon put a great post on his page about what's really going on.
02:48:21.000 He put a great post on his Instagram and that's when I became friends with Tim Dillon.
02:48:25.000 He wrote, you're getting a bunch of people that are mediocre comedians and that are attacking him not really because of what he's saying but because he's great and because they hate the fact that he was getting any attention at all and that should be theirs and now they find some chance to move up in the social structure.
02:48:43.000 That's what it felt like to me.
02:48:44.000 To me, all of that is totally true and it makes me understand it.
02:48:49.000 In other words, it makes me feel sympathy.
02:48:51.000 It makes me go like...
02:48:52.000 Alright, if that's what you need to do, that's what you gotta do.
02:48:56.000 I get that.
02:48:57.000 I would prefer to hang out with somebody who doesn't need to do that, but I get it.
02:49:02.000 I can't be around them.
02:49:04.000 No, I understand that.
02:49:05.000 Because you can do that again.
02:49:06.000 Sure.
02:49:07.000 You know, it's like having a snake in the room.
02:49:09.000 You can have a snake in the room as long as you keep the lights on.
02:49:11.000 Aside from my shit, the thing that was a drag to me about comedy in the last few years was people who...
02:49:18.000 Any comedian who's out in the world saying that comedian shouldn't be saying these things, that's a traitor to comedy.
02:49:26.000 Well, they always suck.
02:49:27.000 They're not a real comedian.
02:49:28.000 None of them are good.
02:49:29.000 They've learned some tricks so they can seem good and they might have a big audience.
02:49:33.000 But they don't love this, and that's a fucked up thing to do.
02:49:38.000 It's a fucked up thing to do, and it's always coming from a place of jealousy.
02:49:41.000 Yes, and also it's always happening to somebody who's already deeply besieged, somebody who's already the whole world.
02:49:47.000 Of course.
02:49:48.000 When you see the whole world coming down on somebody for something they said, and then you go, man, I'm going to say the same thing.
02:49:55.000 Exactly.
02:49:55.000 That's about you.
02:49:56.000 That has nothing to do with how you really feel about what they said.
02:49:59.000 It has nothing to do.
02:50:00.000 It's just that you want to be heard in your circle saying it also because you see that you can get a little something from it.
02:50:07.000 Well, you're just taking cheap shots.
02:50:08.000 That's another way to say that.
02:50:10.000 You're just kicking someone when they're down.
02:50:12.000 Yeah, it's a shame.
02:50:12.000 And not only that, it's someone who should have a deep understanding of what that person's actually doing.
02:50:17.000 Yeah, but it's too much to ask, I think, from people.
02:50:20.000 I think it is.
02:50:21.000 Life is hard.
02:50:23.000 It's too much to ask of those people.
02:50:25.000 Those people should not be doing stand-up.
02:50:26.000 And all the people that did that were all fucking terrible.
02:50:29.000 All of them were mediocre at best.
02:50:32.000 All of them.
02:50:32.000 Every single fucking one of them.
02:50:36.000 Chris Rock's not going to fucking talk shit about people when they're down.
02:50:39.000 He's not going to be the guy who gets on Twitter and goes, that subject matter was fucked up.
02:50:44.000 You're not going to get that out of Dave Chappelle.
02:50:46.000 Well, it just became profitable to do it.
02:50:47.000 And it's going to stop being profitable.
02:50:49.000 It already is.
02:50:49.000 It's already not a good look anymore.
02:50:52.000 But it's not profitable by those comedians.
02:50:54.000 Those comedians get ostracized.
02:50:56.000 Now they do, yeah.
02:50:57.000 Oh, man.
02:50:58.000 I go out of my way.
02:51:00.000 I won't talk to them.
02:51:01.000 I won't look at them.
02:51:02.000 You don't do this anymore.
02:51:05.000 I can't talk to you because now I can't trust you.
02:51:07.000 Because you know what this is.
02:51:09.000 You know this bizarre process of bringing an idea on stage like a little puppy and teaching it not to shit on the floor.
02:51:17.000 You're doing this thing with me and you're pretending that that's not what it is.
02:51:22.000 It's an easy thing to do because the audience will never know that.
02:51:25.000 And they shouldn't.
02:51:27.000 Audiences just come and they see what you do.
02:51:30.000 They don't know what goes into it.
02:51:31.000 It's none of their business.
02:51:34.000 Well, some of them do get into it.
02:51:35.000 I mean, that's one of the things that was interesting about the store was like you would get comedy nerds that would come and they'd go, I love how that bit's changed because I saw it and then I saw it again and I saw it again and now it's got to this point.
02:51:47.000 That was a great compliment.
02:51:48.000 I was always like, oh, thank you.
02:51:50.000 Thanks.
02:51:50.000 Appreciate it.
02:51:51.000 Yeah, there was a time, there used to be this back in 2005 or so, there was a, what is it?
02:51:58.000 Tenacious D, you know?
02:51:59.000 Yeah, sure.
02:52:01.000 They had a website with a message board back before social media.
02:52:04.000 There were message boards where people would make comments.
02:52:08.000 It was just comments without a thing.
02:52:11.000 And they had a message board with different categories and one of them was other comedians.
02:52:16.000 And that became huger than the website.
02:52:20.000 It was called a special thing dot com.
02:52:22.000 Oh, yeah.
02:52:23.000 Remember this?
02:52:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do.
02:52:24.000 And it was about stand-up mostly in the L.A. area.
02:52:28.000 And so, like, there was one guy, his name was Sasquatch, and he would go to every show at Largo, at these kind of alternative shows, and he would do a rundown.
02:52:37.000 He'd tell you who was on, he'd give you an idea what the bits were, and he'd analyze.
02:52:41.000 And every comedian loved reading it.
02:52:44.000 Because being mentioned in it was kind of cool.
02:52:47.000 He was a really smart...
02:52:48.000 His name was Matthew something, I forget, but...
02:52:50.000 He was interesting and he would talk about bits and he'd seen bits before and how they had changed and stuff.
02:52:58.000 Comedy fandom, when it's like, you know, it's really fun.
02:53:01.000 It's really great.
02:53:02.000 It is fun.
02:53:03.000 Yeah.
02:53:04.000 There's a lot now that's just like, um, um, this guy's side against this guy.
02:53:08.000 There's a lot of tribalism in comedy.
02:53:10.000 Yeah.
02:53:12.000 But again, you're always going to have people that are like that.
02:53:16.000 Of course.
02:53:17.000 You're going to have all sorts of different ways of looking at things and things that people disagree with and agree with and things that people like and don't like.
02:53:24.000 But it's just, I fucking love it.
02:53:27.000 After all these years.
02:53:28.000 Yeah, so do I. I've been doing it 35 years, I think.
02:53:31.000 Yeah.
02:53:32.000 It's the best.
02:53:33.000 It's really the most fun thing to do.
02:53:35.000 I love it more than anything I've ever done.
02:53:37.000 Yeah.
02:53:37.000 And I'll always love it.
02:53:40.000 And I do think after this show at the Garden, I'm going to, on January 28th, live stream on my website.
02:53:46.000 Live stream, lucidk.com.
02:53:48.000 Lucidk.com.
02:53:48.000 There it is.
02:53:49.000 There it is.
02:53:50.000 Live stream event from Madison Square Garden.
02:53:52.000 That's fucking awesome.
02:53:54.000 Yeah.
02:53:55.000 I don't know if any comedian's done that.
02:53:56.000 Not on a website.
02:53:57.000 I mean, maybe like HBO and stuff.
02:53:59.000 How difficult is it in terms of like the infrastructure, like to set it up to live stream from your website?
02:54:04.000 Like how many people can it handle simultaneously?
02:54:06.000 As many as will come.
02:54:08.000 Really?
02:54:09.000 Yeah.
02:54:09.000 Yeah.
02:54:09.000 It's just, you know, Tom Segura does these live shows.
02:54:14.000 Yes, your mom's house.
02:54:15.000 The company Maestro or whatever it is.
02:54:16.000 Yeah.
02:54:16.000 We're just doing the same thing as him.
02:54:18.000 Oh, great.
02:54:18.000 That's all it is, and it's parked on the site.
02:54:19.000 Have you been a part of one of those?
02:54:20.000 You need to be a part of one of those.
02:54:21.000 I have not done that, no.
02:54:22.000 They're fucking horrific.
02:54:24.000 Yeah, no, I've heard it's crazy.
02:54:25.000 Oh, my God.
02:54:26.000 But he's really so fucking smart, Tom.
02:54:28.000 He's the best.
02:54:28.000 He's very funny and a great guy.
02:54:30.000 Yeah.
02:54:30.000 But I asked him about doing this, and he helped me get the courage to do it, and...
02:54:35.000 The show starts at 7.30 and there'll be opening acts like Keith Robinson and somebody else I don't know yet.
02:54:42.000 But also I have Ravi Coltrane, who is John Coltrane's son, which is incidental.
02:54:47.000 But he's a great saxophone player and he has a trio that he's bringing to open the show.
02:54:54.000 So it's a show.
02:54:56.000 It'll be about 45 minutes of pre-show with him and some comedians.
02:55:00.000 I'll probably be on stage around 8.15.
02:55:02.000 It'll be like a 20-second delay, but otherwise it's fully live.
02:55:05.000 What time are you up tonight and tomorrow?
02:55:07.000 I think the show's at 7.30.
02:55:09.000 I gotta go soon.
02:55:11.000 And then I guess I'm on it.
02:55:14.000 I guess the show's 7.30.
02:55:15.000 Usually I end up on stage by 8.15.
02:55:17.000 After there's always a delay and then opening comedian.
02:55:20.000 Well, I'm going out to eat with my wife tomorrow, so I'm going to try to catch you tonight.
02:55:24.000 Yeah, you should.
02:55:25.000 You should.
02:55:25.000 Okay, let's wrap this bitch up.
02:55:27.000 Yeah.
02:55:27.000 Okay, louisck.com.
02:55:29.000 The date is?
02:55:30.000 January 28th.
02:55:31.000 January 28th.
02:55:32.000 Yes.
02:55:32.000 Livestream event.
02:55:33.000 Go see it.
02:55:34.000 The material, I mean, the material that I saw months ago was fucking amazing.
02:55:37.000 Thanks.
02:55:38.000 And you can watch it until February 17th, then it disappears.
02:55:43.000 You can't download it.
02:55:44.000 It's like a fight on DAZN or something, or pay-per-view.
02:55:47.000 And then in April...
02:55:48.000 And then it disappears.
02:55:49.000 And in April, the special from this material will be out in April.
02:55:54.000 Beautiful.
02:55:56.000 Great seeing you, my friend.
02:55:56.000 You too, man.
02:55:57.000 Thanks for having me.
02:55:58.000 It was a lot of fun.
02:55:58.000 Thank you.
02:55:59.000 Bye, everybody.