The Joe Rogan Experience - October 29, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #278 - Ari Shaffir


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 25 minutes

Words per Minute

211.86066

Word Count

30,914

Sentence Count

3,271

Misogynist Sentences

123

Hate Speech Sentences

111


Summary

The boys are back, and they re back in full force. This week, the boys discuss the current state of the country, the current political climate, and the future of the podcasting industry. They also talk about the new Netflix show that's coming out soon, and how much they're looking forward to it. Also, they talk about what it's like to work for Joe Rogan, and why they think he should get a life insurance policy. And, of course, there s a new segment called "Joe Rogan's Top 10 Podcasts" where they discuss the top ten most listened to podcasts of all time, hosted by Joe Rogans. And, as always, there's a special guest appearance from Joe's good friend and former co-worker, Joey Diaz! Joe and Joe talk about how they met and fell in love with each other growing up together, and what it was like growing up in the same neighborhood in New York as a kid. Joe also talks about how much he and Joe have in common, and talks about his love of The Office. They also discuss what it s like to be in a movie and how he got into the comedy scene, and got into stand-up comedy. The boys talk about their favorite movies, and much, much more. Enjoy the episode, and don t forget to subscribe to the pod and review the pod on Apple Podcasts! If you like what you ve been listening to, share it with a friend, tell us what you think of it! or tell a friend about it on Insta- and we ll be sure to send you what you re listening to it on the pod! and tell us about it in the next episode of the podcast! Thanks again for listening! Cheers, Joe, Kevin, Kevin and Joe! Love ya! XOXO, Joe & Joe xoxo, Kevin & Joe, Kristy, Jeff, Caitie, Gorms, Gino, and Joe, Mike, Glynis, and Ben, Sarah, and Garrett, etc etc etc., etc. etc. <3 - The Crew <3. -Jon and Gav, Ben, Gav & Ben, Ben & Gav . - Jake, & Ben Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Jerks and Ben and Ben is so much more!


Transcript

00:00:01.000 So we're totally back, right?
00:00:02.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:09.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night.
00:00:11.000 All day.
00:00:12.000 Ladies and gentlemen, we had technological difficulties. - Probably.
00:00:19.000 Probably due to aliens invading our system.
00:00:25.000 Or CIA and FBI. If you are FBI, I just want to say I love your work.
00:00:31.000 You guys do some great shit.
00:00:34.000 Don't get us wrong.
00:00:34.000 We're not enemies of the state.
00:00:36.000 We certainly are not mad at you.
00:00:38.000 Did you see Argo?
00:00:39.000 Was that the FBI? No.
00:00:41.000 We're not mad at any...
00:00:42.000 What we're mad at ultimately is that we're in a broke system.
00:00:45.000 Not the people that are in the broke system that are just trying to make a living.
00:00:50.000 I'm the last person that would be upset at the people that are...
00:00:53.000 I think human nature, when you're inside of a situation, like when you have the kind of ultimate control of the people that are in the head of a government, anybody that would pass something like the National Defense Authorization Act or anybody that would...
00:01:06.000 That's like you've gotten to this incredible position of ultimate control.
00:01:10.000 You can do some really ridiculous shit.
00:01:13.000 I feel bad for people to get to that spot.
00:01:16.000 I think everyone is.
00:01:17.000 I think I'd fuck up too.
00:01:18.000 If I could see I could start furrowing off money just to get a retirement plan for myself, I would just do it.
00:01:25.000 By the way, that's Ari Shafir.
00:01:26.000 That's Ari Shafir.
00:01:27.000 Everybody knows it's Ari Shafir.
00:01:29.000 It says it on the iTunes things.
00:01:30.000 Yeah.
00:01:31.000 Are we supposed to be professional now?
00:01:33.000 Dude, I've gone fucking hours in without introducing anybody.
00:01:36.000 You're like, who is this?
00:01:38.000 I should say powerful Ari Shafir, former number one on iTunes, bitches.
00:01:42.000 Respect.
00:01:43.000 How many weeks were you number one?
00:01:44.000 A full week.
00:01:45.000 A full fucking week.
00:01:46.000 Suck it.
00:01:47.000 All you silly bitches, suck it.
00:01:50.000 Yeah, it was great.
00:01:51.000 That's validation.
00:01:53.000 Yeah, fuck yes.
00:01:54.000 I just thought it would sell okay.
00:01:56.000 One of the coolest things about podcasting is that because of this network of podcasts that we've all put together...
00:02:03.000 We've all gotten to this point now where everybody is getting recognized for their stuff.
00:02:10.000 Duncan's doing these shows where he's fucking selling out like every weekend.
00:02:14.000 There are these crazy, ridiculous shows he's doing like every weekend.
00:02:17.000 He's packing places.
00:02:18.000 Yeah, it's amazing.
00:02:19.000 And the club owners don't know what the fuck is going on.
00:02:21.000 They don't get it.
00:02:22.000 They're like, wait.
00:02:23.000 Like, what's happening?
00:02:25.000 Who are all these freaks?
00:02:26.000 Like, all these freaks with cats on their shirts.
00:02:29.000 And they're good drinkers and good tippers.
00:02:31.000 They're nice people.
00:02:32.000 And they're friendly.
00:02:33.000 Cats and weird Burt Kreischer propaganda.
00:02:35.000 Yeah, Burt Kreischer.
00:02:37.000 Every show.
00:02:37.000 I've never been to a show that didn't have a Burt Kreischer t-shirt.
00:02:40.000 Really, every show we go to has a Burt Kreischer t-shirt.
00:02:42.000 I got an idea with one of those, either Tom or Christina or Duncan or somebody, that they were like, all these people go to see all of us.
00:02:49.000 So they should offer like a...
00:02:51.000 Buy four, get the next one half price, or whatever it is.
00:02:54.000 Death Squad members.
00:02:55.000 If you go buy a ticket for Duncan and Ari and Tom Segura, then Callan is this much, or whatever it is.
00:03:00.000 Or get a package and split it up.
00:03:02.000 I guess that would make sense, except someone would have to organize that shit.
00:03:06.000 You know it ain't gonna be you.
00:03:09.000 So you're the one with these grandiose plans.
00:03:12.000 I mean, we could barely get these fucking podcasts out.
00:03:15.000 I mean, yeah, for folks asking, we're still in the middle of building this studio.
00:03:19.000 It just takes time.
00:03:20.000 It takes time to put everything together.
00:03:21.000 Get Mexican labor!
00:03:23.000 Closer next week than this week.
00:03:25.000 But it's going to be cool when it's all done.
00:03:27.000 It's going to be fun.
00:03:28.000 It's a sweet setup.
00:03:30.000 But yeah, man, it is cool that all this stuff is taking off.
00:03:32.000 Yeah, it's beautiful to hear.
00:03:33.000 Joey Diaz, his podcast is always in the top ten of iTunes now.
00:03:38.000 He's killing them on the road.
00:03:40.000 In the morning, it does at 5 a.m.
00:03:42.000 I'm living in sleep for two hours.
00:03:44.000 Sounds like such a bad idea.
00:03:45.000 It's awesome.
00:03:47.000 He always woke up that early.
00:03:49.000 Yeah, he's an animal.
00:03:49.000 He's the one guy, like whenever I do Kevin and Bean, I have to be up at like 7 o'clock in the morning.
00:03:54.000 I always call him.
00:03:55.000 Yeah, you know he'll be awake.
00:03:57.000 Yeah, we go have breakfast together.
00:03:58.000 We've had breakfast together in Hollywood a gang of times.
00:04:00.000 He used to call me sometimes when he woke up a little too early and he would call me at like 4.15 just to see.
00:04:06.000 And I'd be like, hello?
00:04:07.000 And he just started laughing.
00:04:08.000 He's like, you're still up!
00:04:09.000 Breakfast in Hollywood is a weird thing, man.
00:04:12.000 Oh, it's good there.
00:04:13.000 Yeah, it's good.
00:04:14.000 There's a bunch of good places.
00:04:16.000 The Griddle, what is that called?
00:04:17.000 The Griddle, yeah.
00:04:18.000 But what's weird is the people that you run into.
00:04:21.000 Oh.
00:04:21.000 It's the weird, that vibe.
00:04:23.000 Who's up that early?
00:04:24.000 Just the Hollywood morning vibe.
00:04:27.000 Hollywood is such a strange fucking place.
00:04:31.000 Yeah, the percentage of fakers is super high.
00:04:33.000 You feel that in the air, you know?
00:04:35.000 Yeah, you're like, what?
00:04:35.000 You feel like a lack of authenticity.
00:04:38.000 You sound like you're bullshitting me for no reason.
00:04:40.000 Yeah.
00:04:40.000 Just ask you what time it is.
00:04:42.000 Just give me a story.
00:04:44.000 It's so hard to deal with people, isn't it, Ari?
00:04:46.000 Yeah.
00:04:46.000 Diaz and I, by the way, are doing the House of Blues in Chicago.
00:04:49.000 Powerful.
00:04:50.000 When is this happening?
00:04:50.000 November 8th.
00:04:52.000 Powerful November 8th.
00:04:53.000 House of Blues in Chicago.
00:04:54.000 We're going to pack the fucking House of Blues in Chicago.
00:04:56.000 That's going to be fun, man.
00:04:57.000 Yeah, that's going to be an event when people are driving in for that one.
00:04:59.000 Yeah, that sounds sick.
00:05:01.000 Look at that.
00:05:02.000 Ari Shafir, what is it like, man?
00:05:04.000 Just a few years ago, you were in this crazy struggle situation.
00:05:07.000 It's the best!
00:05:10.000 It's so much better!
00:05:12.000 You just get to go to these places and do your stand-up.
00:05:15.000 That's all I wanted to do.
00:05:17.000 That's all I wanted to do.
00:05:18.000 Just go and tell the jokes I prepared.
00:05:20.000 And no one would let me.
00:05:22.000 You would let me.
00:05:24.000 Nobody else would let me.
00:05:26.000 I get to the end of a week, I'm like, so, that was pretty good, right?
00:05:28.000 I mean, you saw that was really, do you think I can come back one day?
00:05:32.000 Next to no money?
00:05:33.000 Can I please?
00:05:34.000 And they're like, yeah, nah.
00:05:36.000 I'm like, ah!
00:05:38.000 Yeah, they didn't have faith.
00:05:40.000 It's the greatest.
00:05:42.000 I'm out.
00:05:44.000 They've heard my album.
00:05:45.000 You know what it is, man?
00:05:46.000 It's like water seeks its own level eventually.
00:05:49.000 And if you had all this going on, if you were doing a podcast and everybody would come to see you and you weren't funny, it wouldn't be happening the way it's happening.
00:05:57.000 It's happening because of hard work.
00:05:59.000 It's like you're in this position.
00:06:01.000 It's like the perfect time for you because your act is really strong now.
00:06:07.000 Somebody pointed this out too.
00:06:08.000 Got a lot of new shit.
00:06:09.000 This is a weird thing with a lot of podcast people.
00:06:11.000 that right because of that the comics who do sort of an honest style of comedy just an open and honest style It's like there's a premium put on that now.
00:06:20.000 Yeah.
00:06:20.000 And so they've already been doing it.
00:06:21.000 So it's like, oh, good for you.
00:06:23.000 You're right at the right time.
00:06:24.000 You're good.
00:06:24.000 Yeah, because it's very hard to do that style of comedy if that's not what you've been doing.
00:06:28.000 If you've been doing a sort of contrived bullshit act, it's very tough to drop that and be real.
00:06:34.000 Yeah, and early on, that's what everybody does.
00:06:35.000 It's just like, here's a joke I wrote, I guess.
00:06:37.000 Yeah, you ever go back and listen to some of your early shit?
00:06:43.000 I put one up for Shits and Giggles once, like an early, early set.
00:06:47.000 Yeah.
00:06:47.000 And then I was like, this is just too...
00:06:49.000 No, someone's going to see this and think this is me.
00:06:51.000 This is just, no.
00:06:53.000 I'm taking this down.
00:06:54.000 It's so bad.
00:06:56.000 It's fucking hard, man.
00:06:57.000 And then the worst, too, is people were writing, like, so funny.
00:07:00.000 And I'm like, ugh, you're wrong.
00:07:02.000 You're way wrong.
00:07:04.000 What have you liked?
00:07:05.000 Yeah.
00:07:07.000 Everybody thinks they can do it, though.
00:07:09.000 Everybody that's got any sort of confidence, there's always that question, man, I've been thinking about doing stand-up.
00:07:15.000 Prepare some stuff, tell me what you think, and they'll go over the stuff with you and shit.
00:07:19.000 I can't express to you how terrible that sounds.
00:07:23.000 I don't want to dissuade you, but fuck, man.
00:07:26.000 I go, okay, who the fuck knows?
00:07:31.000 They might be able to do it.
00:07:32.000 But realistically, if I can give you an honest answer without hurting anyone's feelings, you would have to tell them, look, you've just started this, so of course you're going to be god-awful.
00:07:41.000 Yeah, that's hard for people to accept, though, especially smart people.
00:07:44.000 Smart people think that, yeah, you know what, though, man?
00:07:47.000 I know stand-up.
00:07:48.000 I listen to it.
00:07:49.000 I've watched it on TV before.
00:07:51.000 I think I have an idea how to do it.
00:07:52.000 I'm just going to bypass all that shit.
00:07:54.000 Dude, you didn't even get that with fucking farming.
00:07:56.000 I'm going to tell you how to plant a tomato 10 years in.
00:07:58.000 You'll be way better at it.
00:07:59.000 Yeah, that's with everything.
00:08:01.000 But stand-up is...
00:08:02.000 What people don't understand when they're watching it is that there's a hypnosis going on.
00:08:08.000 It's not as simple as someone saying something and you're reacting to that.
00:08:12.000 There's a little ride that a stand-up takes you on.
00:08:16.000 When someone's good and you watch them, to this day, you get caught up in their groove and you're tuned into them.
00:08:24.000 There's an exchange going on that...
00:08:28.000 It's not as simple as everybody wants to make it seem.
00:08:31.000 You say something funny, ha ha ha, this person laughs.
00:08:34.000 It's not that simple.
00:08:35.000 That's why when you say Tosh does something wrong by making a rape joke, you weren't there.
00:08:39.000 You don't know about the whole situation he's set up for the last however long.
00:08:43.000 He's built his crowd into something where now he can do what he wants.
00:08:46.000 Your god shit, I remember early on, you were like, I can't open with that.
00:08:49.000 I've tried, it won't work.
00:08:51.000 You've got to give him 40 minutes of calm down before you can hit him with that.
00:08:55.000 Yeah, like the whole thing that I used to do on Noah's Ark.
00:08:58.000 Noah's Ark, yeah.
00:08:59.000 Yeah, people would get upset, which is hilarious.
00:09:02.000 Yeah, so you have to get them on your side first.
00:09:04.000 And if you didn't, they'd be like, it's just not funny.
00:09:06.000 Well, it's also then, people didn't know what to expect.
00:09:09.000 They would come to one of my shows, and they would think they were going to get the guy from Fear Factor.
00:09:12.000 That's all my fault, really.
00:09:14.000 By hoeing it up, I'm doing shit like Fear Factor and taking money for those silly shows.
00:09:20.000 Were you ever like...
00:09:20.000 You set out a bad precedent.
00:09:22.000 Were you ever like this, they had a cut, where you're like, but fear is...
00:09:26.000 Not a factor for you.
00:09:27.000 No, it's never hard to do.
00:09:30.000 I would never be so pompous to pretend that it's actually difficult to do.
00:09:36.000 It's still an amazing job.
00:09:37.000 When did you start getting high while you were doing it?
00:09:40.000 Season 2. Season 2. So you knew it was coming back, the ratings were high.
00:09:44.000 Yeah.
00:09:45.000 Well, I just started getting high around when Season 1 happened, but I didn't get high at work.
00:09:49.000 See, I know what to get high at and what not to get high at.
00:09:52.000 You went from not smoking at all to smoking at work within a year?
00:09:55.000 Oh, yeah.
00:09:56.000 Wow, that's a big jump.
00:09:57.000 I was like, this is fun.
00:09:59.000 That skipped a bunch of years.
00:10:01.000 Yeah, I right away went to feeling very comfortable with it, going on stage with it high.
00:10:06.000 Yeah.
00:10:07.000 It's just, right away, I recognized that this is like some crazy truth serum.
00:10:12.000 Like, it's not, it's another thing.
00:10:14.000 It's not as simple as it seems.
00:10:16.000 You look at marijuana, oh, these guys are getting high, and you're just escaping reality.
00:10:20.000 You're actually doing the exact opposite of escaping reality.
00:10:23.000 You're seeing reality, you're just thinking for what it is.
00:10:25.000 Diving into it with the lights on as bright as possible.
00:10:28.000 There's nothing escape about getting high.
00:10:31.000 That's what people don't understand.
00:10:32.000 That's not what you're looking for, especially when you're smoking sativas, which is another problem.
00:10:38.000 People don't know that there's two completely different effects, that two completely different types of marijuana have.
00:10:44.000 I feel like telling that to people when they say, I'm sure you do too, when they say like, oh, I don't like weed.
00:10:47.000 I'm like, I don't want to insult you, but like, what weed have you had?
00:10:50.000 Yeah, you don't really know what you're talking about.
00:10:52.000 Yeah.
00:10:53.000 You know, and to people that say that it makes you, oh, it makes me sleepy.
00:10:56.000 Well, some weed can do that.
00:10:58.000 Let me give you some other weed.
00:10:59.000 Yeah.
00:11:00.000 Look, this guy was sleeping at a party and somebody drew a deskwad logo on it.
00:11:03.000 Oh my god.
00:11:05.000 That is hilarious.
00:11:08.000 Meanwhile, how much did they finger this guy's ass?
00:11:12.000 That is hilarious, dude.
00:11:15.000 They did the deskwad cat on this guy's ass.
00:11:19.000 That's amazing.
00:11:20.000 I had that once in Israel.
00:11:20.000 And they all signed their names all over it.
00:11:23.000 Look, people signed names all over it.
00:11:25.000 Wow.
00:11:25.000 Just signing him.
00:11:26.000 That's great.
00:11:27.000 That's amazing.
00:11:27.000 I had a picture of me in Israel, my fight when I got there because the drinking age is 18. And I was drunk, barf in a sink, like leaned over it.
00:11:34.000 Doritos in my ear and my nose.
00:11:36.000 My friends had put all over me and toothpaste drawn on me.
00:11:38.000 And that picture got back to my mom.
00:11:40.000 I don't know how it got back there.
00:11:42.000 Oh my God.
00:11:42.000 And they were so fucking embarrassed by it.
00:11:44.000 Oh my God.
00:11:47.000 How hammered were you that they touched you like that?
00:11:49.000 We didn't know limits.
00:11:51.000 Tequila slammers.
00:11:52.000 You ever heard of a tequila slammer?
00:11:53.000 Oh my god.
00:11:53.000 You get the shittiest tequila, put a little Sprite in it in one of those triple shot glasses.
00:11:57.000 Yeah.
00:11:57.000 You just slam it and then just drink it.
00:11:59.000 Yeah, you have to learn limits, huh?
00:12:00.000 You just keep drinking until you're throwing up.
00:12:03.000 Like literally the last shot is going down.
00:12:04.000 You're like, wait, hold it, hold it.
00:12:06.000 Yeah, that's the problem with drinking.
00:12:09.000 You know, that's something we could use drinking shamans.
00:12:11.000 We really could, you know?
00:12:13.000 I mean, there's shamans for ayahuasca.
00:12:15.000 Here's the deal.
00:12:15.000 Why don't they teach you about it in schools?
00:12:17.000 You're gonna get into it, but they still don't bother teaching you?
00:12:19.000 Well, let's just pretend.
00:12:21.000 Like abstinence is the best policy.
00:12:23.000 We should promote abstinence.
00:12:26.000 Why would you do that?
00:12:27.000 Why would you ignore what's inevitably going to happen?
00:12:29.000 On that trip we went into, that second semester of senior year, we all went there.
00:12:33.000 I was talking to one of my friends about it.
00:12:34.000 Like, why wouldn't they tell us about drinking?
00:12:37.000 Please.
00:12:37.000 People are going to fuck, too.
00:12:38.000 Okay?
00:12:39.000 They're going to fuck and they're going to drink.
00:12:40.000 You know why?
00:12:41.000 Because it's fun!
00:12:44.000 Okay?
00:12:44.000 People are going to fuck and people are going to drink.
00:12:46.000 Why don't they talk about that?
00:12:47.000 You can't be against educating people about condoms if you've ever seen an episode of 16 and Pregnant.
00:12:53.000 You're no longer against condoms.
00:12:56.000 You've got to teach these people.
00:12:57.000 There should be a better way than condoms.
00:12:59.000 There should be a really effective way.
00:13:01.000 Somebody can give you a shot.
00:13:03.000 Yeah, it's called abortions.
00:13:06.000 Dude, if you have had an abortion with a chick or gone where a girl's had an abortion, you know what that's like.
00:13:12.000 No, but if they make it good with lasers, like, bam, you're done.
00:13:15.000 You just got aborted.
00:13:16.000 Next.
00:13:17.000 Bam, you got aborted.
00:13:18.000 If I could take a shot, I'd be like, you'd be sterile for the next two days.
00:13:20.000 Like, yeah.
00:13:21.000 What are the side effects?
00:13:22.000 I know this girl that's on something that she gets a shot or something that lasts like four years.
00:13:26.000 What?
00:13:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:13:27.000 What's it called?
00:13:28.000 The Nuva ring?
00:13:29.000 Yeah, she's like a total cum dumpster because of that because you can do whatever you want.
00:13:33.000 Oh, yeah.
00:13:34.000 Yeah, she's gone.
00:13:34.000 So they have like four periods a year.
00:13:36.000 Is that one of those?
00:13:36.000 Yeah.
00:13:37.000 It's like inside.
00:13:38.000 It's four years.
00:13:39.000 Why doesn't every girl have one?
00:13:40.000 Same thing with girls on fucking birth controls.
00:13:42.000 Same thing with weed where it's like, have you had all of them?
00:13:44.000 Because there's new types now.
00:13:45.000 But it's kind of creepy, though, that you're pumping chemicals in your body like that.
00:13:49.000 You're tricking your body into thinking that it's pregnant.
00:13:52.000 I mean, I don't know.
00:13:53.000 What is the long-term effects of tricking your body into thinking that it's pregnant?
00:13:57.000 I don't know.
00:13:57.000 Is that okay?
00:13:59.000 Delicious pussy?
00:14:00.000 I don't know.
00:14:03.000 No worry about baby?
00:14:04.000 I don't know.
00:14:05.000 Have them negative effects more than fucking having to work a second job at the docks.
00:14:09.000 But those two things that people can't control when they're young is sex and alcohol.
00:14:14.000 Those are two things that you just...
00:14:15.000 Both of them are completely overwhelming for you.
00:14:18.000 Dude, I saw one of those kids talking.
00:14:19.000 And he was just some nerd who never got laid.
00:14:21.000 Some fat Mexican who never got laid.
00:14:24.000 And he was just like, no, I love you.
00:14:26.000 Oh my god.
00:14:27.000 And he was just like, you don't know anything about anything.
00:14:29.000 And then a year later he won't talk to her.
00:14:32.000 And they're just figuring out who's going to raise the baby.
00:14:34.000 It's just like, you don't know anything.
00:14:36.000 Yeah, being a child and having a kid is really fucked up.
00:14:39.000 It's fucked up for everybody.
00:14:41.000 It's fucked up for the kid, too.
00:14:42.000 It's a mess.
00:14:43.000 But then the question becomes, when are you supposed to prevent it?
00:14:45.000 After the fact or before the fact?
00:14:47.000 And if after the fact, is it just you have to just accept it?
00:14:50.000 Or can you have an abortion?
00:14:52.000 Of course we can have an abortion.
00:14:54.000 Of course you can.
00:14:55.000 Living in a medical age.
00:14:56.000 Okay, but to what age?
00:14:58.000 How old can the fetus be?
00:15:00.000 Nine months.
00:15:02.000 What do you think?
00:15:04.000 I don't know.
00:15:05.000 I don't know.
00:15:05.000 What do you think, Brian?
00:15:06.000 What I do think, though, is that it's not as simple as everybody likes to say.
00:15:09.000 No, it's killing a baby.
00:15:11.000 Yeah.
00:15:11.000 Because we're adults and we're making decisions and we don't want to make this life yet.
00:15:13.000 That's deep.
00:15:15.000 That's deep.
00:15:16.000 That's a heavy decision.
00:15:18.000 You know?
00:15:19.000 It really is.
00:15:20.000 That's what we put on human life.
00:15:21.000 Yeah.
00:15:21.000 Before it comes out.
00:15:23.000 When it comes to a certain level, it's like when it's a bunch of cells, when it's like 30 cells, then it doesn't seem real.
00:15:30.000 Then it seems like you'd be able to get rid of it and not even feel bad.
00:15:32.000 Yeah.
00:15:33.000 But at what point in time?
00:15:34.000 How easy is it?
00:15:35.000 They just need to market it better.
00:15:36.000 You know, if it was like a really good marketing.
00:15:37.000 But abortion?
00:15:38.000 Yeah, if they had really good marketing.
00:15:39.000 It's really not so bad.
00:15:40.000 You know, like a clever person like Betty White marketed it for you.
00:15:43.000 I do like the marketing techniques they have is because the pro-life and pro-choice, when you think about just their names, they're not at odds.
00:15:49.000 They're both pro-choices and they're both pro-life.
00:15:52.000 Yeah, isn't that funny?
00:15:53.000 Pro-choice.
00:15:54.000 That's a funny way of putting it.
00:15:56.000 Because otherwise it's pro-life or pro-death or pro-choice or anti-choice.
00:15:58.000 Yeah, it's pro-life or pro-choice.
00:16:01.000 Those aren't opposites.
00:16:03.000 Yeah, it's one aspect of the subject.
00:16:05.000 What choice are you making?
00:16:08.000 Hold on.
00:16:09.000 You can't just call it a choice.
00:16:13.000 It's pro-choice.
00:16:14.000 Everybody's fucking pro-choice.
00:16:16.000 It's just my choice is different than your choice.
00:16:19.000 Exactly.
00:16:21.000 That is a creepy thing, though, the idea that people would be anti-choice.
00:16:25.000 That's why when someone calls themselves pro-choice, it sets you up to fail when you're competing against them.
00:16:33.000 They're saying they're pro-choice.
00:16:35.000 If they just were the pro-baby-killing party?
00:16:37.000 Yeah, who does that?
00:16:39.000 That's what I'm in favor of.
00:16:40.000 That's not going to make you money.
00:16:41.000 I talk to girls before I have sex sometimes, and I'm like, you know, what have you had, and how do you feel about abortion?
00:16:46.000 Whoa.
00:16:47.000 It's a heavy conversation.
00:16:49.000 I'd just like to do it right away.
00:16:50.000 Ari's mercenary about it.
00:16:51.000 I don't want to fucking get in that thing where you just, oh, I didn't know that she would never have an abortion if anything happened.
00:16:56.000 Yeah.
00:16:57.000 Just because I wouldn't bother asking, just saying the words once.
00:17:00.000 It's a little uncomfortable, so I'm going to raise some kid I don't want for fucking 10 years or however long you have to.
00:17:06.000 Isn't it crazy?
00:17:07.000 I just ask.
00:17:08.000 Isn't it crazy that you're playing like when you're not trying to have a baby with a chick and you're having sex with her.
00:17:17.000 Trying not to.
00:17:18.000 You're playing like this game of trickery with nature.
00:17:22.000 Nature's only rewarding you with those awesome feelings because that's how you make humans.
00:17:26.000 And imagine how good it feels if you're not even masturbating.
00:17:30.000 If you're not masturbating and you're just a person and neither one of you ever masturbates and you get together naked and you wind up fucking like, oh my god, of course you're going to come inside her.
00:17:39.000 Of course she's going to make a person.
00:17:40.000 That's how they rocked it, caveman days.
00:17:42.000 You wouldn't even think.
00:17:43.000 You were just like, he keeps feeling good.
00:17:44.000 I feel so good.
00:17:45.000 Don't stop this.
00:17:46.000 Why would they stop?
00:17:46.000 They would never stop.
00:17:47.000 It was a movie where people went, oh wait a minute, babies come out, pull out!
00:17:50.000 No, no, no!
00:17:51.000 And they had to figure out what makes the baby part.
00:17:53.000 Ever that Louie bit about it?
00:17:54.000 No.
00:17:55.000 About if animals had to watch humans, like Animal Planet version of humans, they'd be like, see this mating, and then they'd pull out and shoot it on the floor or something.
00:18:01.000 They'd be like, what?
00:18:02.000 You were so close!
00:18:03.000 What are you doing?
00:18:05.000 You were right there!
00:18:07.000 That's funny.
00:18:08.000 I used to tell my friends in college when I was still a virgin, That masturbation was the same as sex.
00:18:14.000 And they were like, Ari, you're wrong.
00:18:16.000 I'm like, no, you guys are idiots.
00:18:17.000 It's the same thing that's happening physically to your genitalia.
00:18:21.000 How could it feel better?
00:18:22.000 It's the same act.
00:18:24.000 And they were like, you just don't get it.
00:18:26.000 How could you think that your hand could be as good as a pussy?
00:18:29.000 Because you coming would be the same.
00:18:31.000 That's you coming as you coming.
00:18:32.000 Wow.
00:18:33.000 That's interesting.
00:18:34.000 Isn't it funny that that's not the case?
00:18:35.000 Yeah, it's not at all the case.
00:18:36.000 Like when you're really into a chick and she's really sexy.
00:18:39.000 Especially when you're a little drunk and you love each other and you come.
00:18:44.000 Oh!
00:18:44.000 Golly!
00:18:46.000 Golly!
00:18:47.000 Boom!
00:18:48.000 Boom!
00:18:49.000 It feels so good.
00:18:50.000 Yeah, it's amazing.
00:18:51.000 Sweet corn in the morning.
00:18:53.000 It's supposed to be to make you make people.
00:18:56.000 That's really what it is.
00:18:56.000 Yeah, that's why it feels so good.
00:18:58.000 You can't even think straight.
00:18:58.000 It's a biological trick.
00:19:00.000 It's a wonderful one.
00:19:01.000 I'll just wipe off the tip and put it back in.
00:19:02.000 It's made to perpetuate the species.
00:19:04.000 If you had to think about that with a straight mind, wiping off the tip and putting it back in would not be a viable option.
00:19:10.000 How about this one?
00:19:11.000 Just let me rub it on the outside.
00:19:12.000 Yeah.
00:19:13.000 Is that ever taking place ever in the history of the human race?
00:19:16.000 El Caco!
00:19:17.000 Yeah.
00:19:17.000 What happened to El Caco?
00:19:19.000 See, that was on one of my CDs.
00:19:20.000 That was on one of my CDs.
00:19:23.000 Me llamo El Caco.
00:19:25.000 Okay, I don't put it in, I just rub it on the outside.
00:19:30.000 That's the best Spanish accent I've ever done right there.
00:19:33.000 I've never been that on.
00:19:35.000 Me llamo El Caco.
00:19:37.000 That's right, I forgot about that.
00:19:38.000 El Caco!
00:19:40.000 Dude, working at the store as a fucking doorman and cover booth guy just helps you so much.
00:19:45.000 Watch all these fucking great comics.
00:19:48.000 And you just watch them and learn their technique and shit.
00:19:51.000 You get to see them do the same jokes a lot too, which is interesting as a guy learning how to do it.
00:19:56.000 Because everybody wants to think as an audience member that a person on stage saying something, that's the first time they've ever said it.
00:20:01.000 You really can't do that every time.
00:20:03.000 I mean, you kind of can, but it won't be as good, trust me.
00:20:06.000 It's better if we write stuff out.
00:20:08.000 It's better if we practice things a few times.
00:20:10.000 It's better if you get it out.
00:20:11.000 There's certain bits, no.
00:20:13.000 There's certain bits where right out of the gate, they're awesome.
00:20:15.000 That's cool.
00:20:16.000 But you can't guarantee when those are coming and when they're not.
00:20:21.000 There's some dude in Indianapolis that came back to my show a second time, because he came one night, then he got my album, which was different, Revenge for the Holocaust, available on iTunes.
00:20:29.000 Revenge for the Holocaust, ladies and gentlemen, available on iTunes.
00:20:32.000 iTunes, Amazon.
00:20:34.000 But he was like, oh, it's different.
00:20:36.000 So I figured I'd come back again and see another show.
00:20:38.000 And he sat up front, and I couldn't even look.
00:20:40.000 He was on my right.
00:20:41.000 I did my whole act from straight to left.
00:20:43.000 I couldn't even look over there.
00:20:44.000 Oh, no!
00:20:45.000 I was like, dude, you shouldn't come back.
00:20:47.000 And he was like, it's alright.
00:20:48.000 Yeah, he had the same jokes.
00:20:49.000 That's so creepy.
00:20:50.000 It's a mind fog.
00:20:51.000 I feel so fake!
00:20:52.000 Yeah, but you gotta get over that, son.
00:20:54.000 You are fake.
00:20:54.000 You're a big fat faker.
00:20:55.000 You didn't just think of something when you were up there.
00:20:57.000 Don't come two days in a row.
00:20:58.000 You worked on it every night for six months.
00:21:01.000 I just realized.
00:21:02.000 No, you didn't, you fucking lying prick.
00:21:04.000 The Deskwad Ohio guys, they go to both shows.
00:21:06.000 They'll go to like the 7 o'clock show and the 9 o'clock show.
00:21:10.000 So it's just like, ah, you guys.
00:21:12.000 It becomes a bit of a gay circle jerk at a certain point.
00:21:15.000 But at some point I sort of get it where it's like you can see like some band like two times in a row.
00:21:21.000 Yeah.
00:21:21.000 Oh dude, I went to see Kinison more than once in a row.
00:21:24.000 I went to see Bill Hicks twice in a row.
00:21:25.000 I saw a bunch of guys back in the day where I saw the same act more than once.
00:21:30.000 Joe Lozon used to come to our shows when we did Night of the Way in shows.
00:21:34.000 Oh yeah.
00:21:34.000 And there was this joke I used to make about Jiu Jitsu.
00:21:38.000 I guess I can do it now.
00:21:39.000 I never do it anymore.
00:21:40.000 But the way jujitsu was invented was some Brazilian guy came home early from work one day and found his wife did not have dinner ready for him.
00:21:52.000 So he's choking her because of that fucking choking the life out of her.
00:21:56.000 And the girl's father comes in because they all live in the same fucking hut in Brazil.
00:21:59.000 And he goes, what are you doing?
00:22:01.000 You're doing it wrong.
00:22:02.000 You got to fucking put hooks in and then come from behind.
00:22:05.000 And that's how jiu-jitsu was invented.
00:22:08.000 That's my theory.
00:22:09.000 But Joe Loza used to love that joke.
00:22:10.000 And I was like, you've seen it though.
00:22:12.000 And he goes, that theory sucks.
00:22:14.000 I was like, I haven't done any research on it.
00:22:16.000 But he goes, no, I like seeing it slightly different.
00:22:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:22:20.000 If you're a fan of stand-up, then I get that.
00:22:23.000 Yeah, there's certain guys that had jokes that I would call out for.
00:22:26.000 Like when Holtzman was on stage.
00:22:28.000 How's your gay son?
00:22:29.000 We would always do that.
00:22:30.000 Because you know we drive into a rage.
00:22:32.000 He would do this joke about his son.
00:22:34.000 Oh my gosh.
00:22:35.000 I miss that dude.
00:22:36.000 Oh, that's a fucking funny guy.
00:22:37.000 I never see him at the store anymore, man.
00:22:39.000 No, he's never there.
00:22:40.000 Alright, I'll admit it.
00:22:41.000 My son's a homosexual.
00:22:43.000 Brody's my new favorite to co-op.
00:22:45.000 Just hearing his jokes.
00:22:47.000 Oh yeah, we used to do that with Brody.
00:22:48.000 He's been doing hour and ten minute sets the other day.
00:22:50.000 Really?
00:22:51.000 He's been doing really long sets now.
00:22:52.000 He closes out the main room show on Saturdays.
00:22:54.000 That's awesome.
00:22:54.000 And they all stay.
00:22:55.000 The whole audience stays.
00:22:57.000 I'm doing the Laugh Factory tomorrow night with Tom Herrera.
00:23:00.000 I haven't done the Laugh Factory in decades.
00:23:02.000 Probably 10 years.
00:23:04.000 Yeah, I haven't done it in forever.
00:23:06.000 But I'm going to do it tomorrow night.
00:23:07.000 I think it's like an 8 o'clock show, but I go on at like 9-ish, somewhere around 9, 9.30, something like that.
00:23:13.000 Daddy Diaz just got back from Long Beach.
00:23:15.000 He said he loved it.
00:23:16.000 Yeah, we should all go there sometime.
00:23:18.000 It's too big.
00:23:18.000 You really got to fill it up.
00:23:19.000 I would like to see what it was like full, but it's a rock venue.
00:23:22.000 It's a cool area because I've stayed at the hotel a few times.
00:23:26.000 Here's how big it is.
00:23:27.000 When they introduce you, by the time you can get to the mic, it feels uncomfortable in that time.
00:23:32.000 We're like, oh, I should be talking now.
00:23:34.000 Really?
00:23:35.000 Yeah, it's such a long walk to the mic.
00:23:36.000 Is it like a theater?
00:23:37.000 It was a fucking old rock place with a big stage.
00:23:41.000 So like 600 people, maybe?
00:23:43.000 Yeah, something like that.
00:23:44.000 Wow.
00:23:45.000 So, as big as Phoenix?
00:23:48.000 The Stand Up, Laugh, and Phoenix?
00:23:49.000 It's bigger than that.
00:23:50.000 Really?
00:23:51.000 Just because it's more stage room?
00:23:53.000 Stand Up, Laugh, and Phoenix is 600 seats, right?
00:23:56.000 650, yeah.
00:23:56.000 650?
00:23:57.000 It's bigger than 650. Wow!
00:23:59.000 Well, the scope of it is bigger anyway.
00:24:02.000 Oh, I see what you're saying.
00:24:03.000 There might be more room to the wall and stuff.
00:24:04.000 It's right next to so many cool stores and restaurants.
00:24:07.000 That stand-up live is the most intimate 600-seat room you could get.
00:24:12.000 Because even though it was 600 seats, it felt like a regular club.
00:24:14.000 It still runs like a club that just keeps going.
00:24:15.000 Yeah, it felt like once we worked out.
00:24:18.000 If you came, ladies and gentlemen, the first show, there was a problem with the microphone.
00:24:23.000 Yeah, the monitor.
00:24:23.000 There was no monitor, so you couldn't hear yourself.
00:24:25.000 There's a rider somehow.
00:24:26.000 I have a rider that I didn't know.
00:24:28.000 I always have weird shit on there.
00:24:29.000 Yeah, and one of the things on is that I have to have a wireless mic.
00:24:32.000 I don't need a fucking wireless mic.
00:24:34.000 Three wireless mics.
00:24:35.000 You know what it is?
00:24:36.000 I don't know why it's in there.
00:24:37.000 I know.
00:24:37.000 It's for when you do like theaters, like the Moore Theater in Seattle or whatever.
00:24:40.000 Yeah.
00:24:40.000 It was like, just to make sure you have everything right.
00:24:42.000 We need them.
00:24:43.000 Because they don't know sometimes with stand-up.
00:24:44.000 But even then, I don't need a wireless one.
00:24:46.000 No, yeah.
00:24:47.000 Kevin James.
00:24:48.000 You don't need all the bologna and stuff.
00:24:50.000 I meant Kevin James' rider.
00:24:52.000 He gets red wine and white wine.
00:24:54.000 Yeah, that's why I was like, why is there white wine in here?
00:24:56.000 Bring me a Heineken.
00:24:58.000 It's so weird.
00:24:58.000 Heineken's usually there, too.
00:25:00.000 But riders are weird, man.
00:25:01.000 San Francisco this weekend.
00:25:03.000 Brian's coming with me.
00:25:05.000 What are you doing?
00:25:05.000 Greg Fitzsimmons is coming as well.
00:25:07.000 Should be a lot of fun.
00:25:08.000 We're doing the Knob Hill Masonic Center.
00:25:10.000 We're going to do that on Friday night.
00:25:13.000 And then Seattle on Saturday night.
00:25:15.000 The Moore Theater.
00:25:16.000 The Moore Theater is sold out.
00:25:17.000 That's a really good room.
00:25:18.000 But there's still some tickets left for the Knob Hill show.
00:25:23.000 So that's San Francisco Friday night.
00:25:25.000 Greg Fitzsimmons, who's fucking hilarious.
00:25:28.000 If you've never seen Greg Fitzsimmons, you stand up.
00:25:30.000 Greg and I started out together, like, literally like a week apart from each other, way back in 1988. And I've been friends with him ever since.
00:25:37.000 He's a fucking hilarious stand-up.
00:25:39.000 Like, he's really fucking good.
00:25:40.000 So I'm really excited to give you guys a fun show.
00:25:43.000 And if you haven't seen me there for a while, I got a lot of new shit, so...
00:25:46.000 It's going to be real fun.
00:25:47.000 So, Knob Hill, Masonic Center, Friday night, and then the Moore Theater Saturday night.
00:25:51.000 I think the Moore sold out, though.
00:25:53.000 How big is Knob Hill?
00:25:54.000 I don't know.
00:25:54.000 It's like a couple thousand seats.
00:25:56.000 Wow.
00:25:57.000 That should be cool.
00:25:57.000 Yeah.
00:25:58.000 Yeah.
00:25:58.000 Can't wait to see all the Asians.
00:26:00.000 Yeah.
00:26:00.000 That's a massive show.
00:26:01.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:26:02.000 I just was talking to him and I just thought, like, maybe it would be cool if Greg would come with me on the road and do a couple gigs here and there.
00:26:11.000 He's so solid, too.
00:26:12.000 And I would love for people to see him, you know, people on all these shows to see him, you know.
00:26:17.000 I think one of the coolest things about doing this podcast and doing all these shows is that we can all sort of blow each other up.
00:26:27.000 We can all show everybody who Brian Callen is.
00:26:30.000 Show everybody who Duncan is and you are.
00:26:35.000 Making it, there's only a certain size the pie is, and everyone needs a slice.
00:26:40.000 But now there's just an unlimited pie.
00:26:42.000 Yeah, you can have your own pie factory.
00:26:46.000 We all have our own pie factories.
00:26:48.000 Yeah, it's fascinating.
00:26:50.000 It's a really interesting thing, man.
00:26:52.000 Yeah.
00:26:52.000 So tell me about this hunting thing.
00:26:54.000 So, yeah.
00:26:55.000 So I went hunting this week.
00:26:56.000 Who'd you go with?
00:26:57.000 With Callan?
00:26:57.000 Brian Callan and this dude named Steve Rinella.
00:27:01.000 Was this a cougar hunt?
00:27:04.000 How dare you.
00:27:05.000 Bazinga!
00:27:06.000 How dare you, Brian.
00:27:07.000 That's the kind of hunts Brian understands.
00:27:10.000 He knows how to track that prey.
00:27:13.000 He walks in all drunk and limping.
00:27:16.000 Yeah, he told me, he was like, where's Rogan?
00:27:19.000 He was like, Rogan's in Minnesota, fucking, or whatever.
00:27:21.000 Montana.
00:27:22.000 Montana, hunting.
00:27:23.000 When hunting in Montana, this dude, Steve Rinella, I became a fan of his show.
00:27:29.000 He had a show on the Travel Channel called The Wild Within.
00:27:32.000 He's an author.
00:27:33.000 He knows a lot about the history of the Wild West, and that's one of the coolest things about The Weeknd, is getting to talk to him about Wild West stories and shit.
00:27:40.000 Oh, dude, he knows everything.
00:27:41.000 He knows all the different incidents between the Indians and the white men, the white men breaking the treaties, and the wars that took place.
00:27:49.000 We were camping on the Missouri River where Lewis and Clark camped.
00:27:54.000 That's where we camped.
00:27:55.000 And we did all our travel by canoe or by hiking.
00:28:00.000 Really?
00:28:00.000 Yeah.
00:28:01.000 It was fucking intense.
00:28:02.000 So when you hiked by the Missouri River, was there anyone else around?
00:28:05.000 We saw in the five days we were there, we traveled 40 plus miles down the Missouri River.
00:28:12.000 And in all that time, we saw three other boats.
00:28:18.000 Whoa!
00:28:18.000 And even when you got off and was like walking around and stuff?
00:28:21.000 Well, once we got out at the very end, we were in a place where there was a bridge and there was cars and traffic and stuff like that.
00:28:27.000 No, but over those five days.
00:28:28.000 Over those five days, we saw nothing but canoes.
00:28:31.000 We saw three or four canoes.
00:28:33.000 It was mostly just us.
00:28:34.000 And we had a satellite phone in case we had an emergency.
00:28:39.000 And what we did was we pulled in.
00:28:41.000 We got there on Monday.
00:28:44.000 And on Monday, we got in a plane.
00:28:46.000 Or we got in a boat, rather.
00:28:48.000 Rode down the river.
00:28:50.000 What the fuck am I talking about?
00:28:52.000 Got on the plane to get there.
00:28:54.000 We had to drive two hours from Billings to the river, to the Missouri River.
00:28:58.000 Billings, Montana is a very small place, but a very nice, cool, small town.
00:29:02.000 Try and call up a map.
00:29:05.000 Map!
00:29:05.000 Map!
00:29:06.000 From there, we drove two and a half hours to the river.
00:29:11.000 The mayor?
00:29:12.000 What did you say?
00:29:13.000 What?
00:29:13.000 Did you say the mayor?
00:29:14.000 No.
00:29:15.000 No.
00:29:15.000 I said we drove to the river.
00:29:17.000 Okay.
00:29:17.000 Okay.
00:29:18.000 We drove to the river, and then once we...
00:29:19.000 He's too high for my full fucking story.
00:29:21.000 He asked for a story and he's too high to pay attention.
00:29:23.000 Did he just ask, did you drive the river?
00:29:26.000 No, he said the mayor.
00:29:27.000 Did you say the mayor?
00:29:27.000 I thought he said the word mayor.
00:29:29.000 Dude, I'm telling a fucking important life-changing story and you cunts are ruining my timing with every fucking breath out of your shit-spewing mouths.
00:29:42.000 I'm trying to tell you about a beautiful life-changing experience.
00:29:45.000 So we're on this river.
00:29:47.000 The first night we get there, it's pouring rain.
00:29:49.000 We sleep in tents.
00:29:50.000 It's fucking freezing outside.
00:29:52.000 I mean, it's really cold, like 33, 34 degrees.
00:29:55.000 Just cold enough so it doesn't snow, but the rain comes down.
00:29:59.000 It's just ridiculously miserable.
00:30:01.000 Then we get up in the morning.
00:30:02.000 Do you have warmers or anything?
00:30:03.000 No, you just sleep in bags.
00:30:05.000 Were you at that night like, this was a bad idea?
00:30:08.000 No part of you?
00:30:09.000 No, man, I was committed.
00:30:10.000 I was 100% committed.
00:30:11.000 I was like, look, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this the right way.
00:30:14.000 What this guy Rinella believes in is what's called a fair chase hunt.
00:30:18.000 And what that means is like, there's certain people that have like, they have Oh, that doesn't seem fair.
00:30:38.000 Exactly.
00:30:39.000 Just trick them.
00:30:39.000 Murder.
00:30:40.000 I mean, not just trick them.
00:30:42.000 I mean, it's like the ultimate setup.
00:30:43.000 May as well just get your food at the supermarket.
00:30:45.000 Exactly.
00:30:46.000 Exactly.
00:30:47.000 And if that's how you were approaching it, I can understand that.
00:30:50.000 Like, say if you lived on that farm and that's how you...
00:30:52.000 Then we eat deer every day.
00:30:52.000 Yeah.
00:30:53.000 Look, if we had...
00:30:53.000 That's actually smart.
00:30:55.000 Because it's all...
00:30:55.000 If you were Swiss from the Robinson.
00:30:56.000 Yeah.
00:30:57.000 It's a lot smarter than going hunting for it.
00:31:00.000 You should control your environment better.
00:31:03.000 You need that food.
00:31:04.000 It's not like you can do it as a sport.
00:31:06.000 But we went and did everything the hard way.
00:31:10.000 We hiked every morning for about three miles over this mountain, these hills that were made out of clay.
00:31:22.000 That used to be the Great Inland Western Sea.
00:31:25.000 Great Western Inland Sea?
00:31:27.000 Great Western Inland Sea.
00:31:28.000 And during the Jurassic period, there was fucking dinosaurs there and there was fossilized...
00:31:33.000 It was a shallow, warm water ocean where Montana is.
00:31:37.000 So when you're walking around there, you find fossilized shells.
00:31:42.000 Like in the strata, when things break off, they also find buffalo skulls all the time in the strata.
00:31:49.000 What does strata mean?
00:31:50.000 You know how the earth has layers to it?
00:31:53.000 Those layers, if you cut a slice through the earth, those layers represent eras.
00:31:58.000 You can tell by how far it goes down, by whatever measurements you made, how many thousands, millions of years it was.
00:32:04.000 You saw a place that cut out and stuff?
00:32:06.000 Yeah, you see fossilized shells on the ground.
00:32:11.000 It's called the Badlands.
00:32:15.000 It's really intimidating.
00:32:18.000 It's a very, very intimidating place.
00:32:20.000 Because there's this river, and then there's these fucking mountains that are covered with this clay shit, and you're trying to walk in it.
00:32:27.000 You're sliding all over the place.
00:32:29.000 It's really difficult to get a footing.
00:32:31.000 It's essentially silt.
00:32:33.000 Silt, yeah.
00:32:33.000 Silt from the bottom of the ocean.
00:32:35.000 It's covered this whole thing.
00:32:35.000 And it freezes up, and then it gets wet.
00:32:38.000 And it gets wet, it becomes muck, and then it freezes up again.
00:32:40.000 So when it's hard, you can walk on it no problem.
00:32:43.000 But when it becomes wet, it's just a fucking crazy nightmare.
00:32:46.000 So we were climbing these wet hills of this shit.
00:32:48.000 And it's exhausting.
00:32:50.000 I mean, really exhausting.
00:32:51.000 And you do that for several hours in the morning.
00:32:54.000 And then we would go and row.
00:32:55.000 Row the canoes downriver for several miles.
00:32:58.000 And then once we would get out, then we would go and hike for several more miles.
00:33:02.000 And look for deer.
00:33:04.000 You pull up your canoe.
00:33:06.000 You set camp.
00:33:07.000 And then you go and look for deer again.
00:33:09.000 Are there any bears or predators there?
00:33:11.000 Predators, we saw mountain lions shit.
00:33:13.000 And do they attack humans a lot?
00:33:15.000 No, there's too many of us, and we have rifles.
00:33:18.000 We probably would be safe, but you never can tell if you're in the wrong situation at the wrong time.
00:33:23.000 They're really hungry.
00:33:24.000 Yeah, if a mountain lion's old, if it can't catch a deer anymore, you know, if it's starving, you can just catch them.
00:33:30.000 But where you were camping at night, like by the river, that was okay?
00:33:33.000 Yeah, well, we were camping at sites where you're allowed to camp, you know, you're allowed to set up, and we, you know, after the first night, it stopped raining, so we made fires.
00:33:41.000 But the nighttime, man, when you, first of all, it's fucking freezing.
00:33:46.000 Like, it got down to as cold as 12 degrees.
00:33:48.000 Did you encounter a spoon?
00:33:49.000 No, we didn't spill.
00:33:50.000 We slept in separate tents.
00:33:51.000 We're all sleeping outside.
00:33:52.000 I mean, we're outside in the fucking...
00:33:54.000 I mean, you have to zip yourself up in these...
00:33:56.000 You wear wool underwear.
00:33:57.000 You wear like thermal, like long john type wool underwear.
00:34:01.000 And then you wear on top of that, like a thick pair of these wool pants.
00:34:05.000 And then on top of that, I've got, you know, above me, I've got a wool long underwear top and then two layers and then a jacket.
00:34:14.000 And then a down coat over the jacket and then I'm inside the sleeping bag in the down coat with the hood up and the hood on the sleeping bag and you're barely able to do it.
00:34:22.000 It's fucking cold.
00:34:23.000 But once you get in there for a while, especially once I've realized to sleep with the jacket on, like I thought I should probably take my layers off.
00:34:30.000 But it was too cold.
00:34:31.000 It sucks.
00:34:34.000 Zero masturbating, right?
00:34:36.000 Yeah, I held my loads.
00:34:37.000 I held my loads for strength.
00:34:39.000 It benefited me from my endurance because it was a difficult thing to do.
00:34:44.000 It seems like you're whining about...
00:34:46.000 I work out.
00:34:47.000 I do tough stuff.
00:34:48.000 I do hard kettlebell workouts.
00:34:51.000 I do jujitsu.
00:34:52.000 Very difficult things.
00:34:53.000 But this hiking shit, when you're hiking around in mud all day, uphill, it's fucking hard, man.
00:35:00.000 You really get winded.
00:35:03.000 Your heart rate gets up.
00:35:05.000 It's a really good workout.
00:35:06.000 And it feels like honest.
00:35:08.000 Like you're really fucking getting some...
00:35:11.000 You're really doing something.
00:35:13.000 And you get in the boat.
00:35:15.000 So I was enjoying it from an athletic standpoint.
00:35:18.000 I was like, this is a good workout.
00:35:19.000 Was it warm at all during the days?
00:35:21.000 No, it was never warm.
00:35:22.000 It never got more than in the 30s.
00:35:24.000 The warmest, it was probably like 34, 35 degrees.
00:35:28.000 Every time we were there, our water would turn to ice.
00:35:31.000 It was always constantly turning to ice.
00:35:32.000 There's probably more people there in the summertime and stuff.
00:35:35.000 Yeah, yeah, I'm sure, but that's not when the hunting season starts.
00:35:38.000 If you want to go deer hunting...
00:35:39.000 See, this area is...
00:35:41.000 It doesn't have a lot of biodiversity, according to Steve Rinella, but what it does have is it has a lot of certain types of animals that you could find.
00:35:50.000 And there's not...
00:35:51.000 You don't see a lot of animals, but every now and then you'll see a deer.
00:35:54.000 Like, there's one.
00:35:55.000 And every now and then you'll see a ram.
00:35:56.000 We saw a lot of rams.
00:35:58.000 Rams?
00:35:58.000 Yeah, dude.
00:35:59.000 Whoa.
00:35:59.000 They're fucking impressive.
00:36:01.000 These bighorn sheep...
00:36:04.000 And they're walking across the tops and the ledges of these mountains.
00:36:08.000 And you're watching them just like really, really perilous situations.
00:36:13.000 And they're walking like they're so sure-footed.
00:36:15.000 It's really kind of crazy to watch.
00:36:16.000 And they're so badass with their curly horns.
00:36:20.000 No, I don't think so.
00:36:21.000 I don't think you have to...
00:36:22.000 I thought they're rammed humans if they get too close to them.
00:36:24.000 Well, you shouldn't get close to them, but I think if you're not trying to do something to them...
00:36:28.000 They didn't seem to be interested in us.
00:36:30.000 Apparently that's a really hard animal to get a tag for, to hunt, because they reintroduced them to Colorado and they built up the numbers.
00:36:38.000 And so it's very difficult to get a tag, especially where we were, to hunt them.
00:36:43.000 It's not like when you go hunting, it's not like everybody can go hunting.
00:36:48.000 Say if there's certain species, it's very hard to get a tag for it, even if you live in that state.
00:36:53.000 So they only say, let's say only 10 people can hunt these things?
00:36:55.000 Yes, exactly.
00:36:56.000 It's one of those things.
00:36:57.000 And you might have a million people that are trying to hunt.
00:37:00.000 But deer is one of the ones that you literally have to hunt.
00:37:05.000 If you don't hunt deer, then they have starvation issues.
00:37:09.000 They have overpopulation issues.
00:37:11.000 They interfere with traffic.
00:37:13.000 It becomes a real problem if there's roads or anything where people are driving along because these animals, in order to get food, they have to travel all over the place.
00:37:21.000 Now, a lot of them are nocturnal.
00:37:23.000 They'll run across the road.
00:37:24.000 And there's certain parts of the country right now where If you're driving around the road at night, it's fucking scary.
00:37:29.000 You could slam into deer's left and right.
00:37:31.000 I think it was Iowa.
00:37:33.000 There's some ungodly amount of deer killed in car accidents every year in Iowa.
00:37:38.000 It's like 100,000.
00:37:39.000 Because there's so many of them.
00:37:41.000 They're fucking all over the place.
00:37:43.000 And for people that don't understand how conservation works, it's really interesting.
00:37:48.000 But the majority of the money, in fact all of the money, that goes to wildlife groups, like the groups that put bag limits on hunting, whatever the agency, whatever name for the agencies they are.
00:38:08.000 I don't know what they call themselves.
00:38:11.000 Yeah.
00:38:11.000 But whatever they are, fish and game, whatever that is, all their money comes from hunting.
00:38:18.000 So all the money for regulating the population, reintroducing animals that were wiped out, all of that comes from hunting.
00:38:27.000 And there's some people, I can understand their point of view, some people think that we should have no hunting.
00:38:31.000 And that hunting is cruel and that killing animals is cruel.
00:38:36.000 And I can totally understand that point of view too.
00:38:39.000 I can see no farming animals.
00:38:42.000 Look, the type of person that would say you shouldn't kill an animal because killing animals are cruel is a nice person.
00:38:48.000 That's a person that wants to be nice to animals.
00:38:50.000 So I can't see how I would want to argue with that.
00:38:53.000 I can see your point.
00:38:56.000 But ultimately, if I look at it pragmatically, my thoughts have always been that, listen, these animals are going to die, whether we eat them or whether a coyote eats them or a mountain lion eats them.
00:39:05.000 We found giant mountain lion shits with hair in them, deer hair in them.
00:39:11.000 Oh, really?
00:39:11.000 Yeah, it's really creepy.
00:39:12.000 It's really creepy because you're just thinking, this motherfucker killed this deer with his face.
00:39:17.000 Wow.
00:39:18.000 Like, what a badass cat this is.
00:39:20.000 Did you see that video of the coyotes getting killed by the wolves?
00:39:23.000 Yes, I did.
00:39:24.000 They ripped it apart.
00:39:27.000 They don't have hands.
00:39:29.000 Well, the wild is a very fascinating thing, man.
00:39:32.000 Being out there for five days with no cell phone, no internet, no TV, no radio, just sleeping outside, eating outside for five days was very strange.
00:39:42.000 And you're stalking an animal.
00:39:44.000 You're stalking animals.
00:39:45.000 And occasionally we'd see them, but they were too far away, and we had to get upwind of them.
00:39:50.000 If we were upwind and the wind was going down to them, they could smell us.
00:39:56.000 So we had to make sure that we were always in a situation where the wind was blowing towards us, like from the animal to us, so that the animal couldn't smell us.
00:40:04.000 And we had to creep up on them.
00:40:06.000 You would see it from far, far away, and then try to track it down?
00:40:09.000 We'd see them from far, far away, and then we would duck behind things, and then we would try to go all the way around, depending on where the wind was.
00:40:15.000 It's very important.
00:40:16.000 How far down was it?
00:40:17.000 First of all, we smelled so bad.
00:40:19.000 We were there with no showers for five days, okay?
00:40:22.000 So you could smell my ass from Mars, all right?
00:40:26.000 Your ass must have been terrible.
00:40:28.000 I thought of Pitt's ass.
00:40:30.000 Yeah, you're taking shits in these eco bags.
00:40:35.000 It's like the whole thing was horrific.
00:40:36.000 In a bag?
00:40:37.000 Yeah, like this certain type of bag that's for human waste so that you don't leave your shit laying around on the Missouri River.
00:40:44.000 What's wrong with your shit?
00:40:45.000 It's gross.
00:40:46.000 People don't want to step in your shit.
00:40:48.000 Meanwhile, there's cow shit everywhere.
00:40:49.000 What do you mean?
00:40:49.000 It's fucking wild.
00:40:50.000 Because it's not wild.
00:40:52.000 It's fucking death.
00:40:53.000 Human shit is like one of the worst things you could ever encounter.
00:40:57.000 Our diets are disgusting and non-natural and filled with preservatives and things that fucking ferment inside our assholes.
00:41:03.000 And then it comes pouring out in the most wretched smell ever.
00:41:06.000 Even dog shit doesn't smell nearly as bad as human shit.
00:41:09.000 You can smell when a dog is shit in the house.
00:41:11.000 You're like...
00:41:12.000 I think a dog shit.
00:41:13.000 Yeah.
00:41:13.000 A bunch of human shits.
00:41:14.000 It's like, what the fuck?
00:41:16.000 Of human shit.
00:41:18.000 Like, I had the biggest FOGO shit the other day, and I wanted to just put a $20 bill on it and not flush it, so somebody would try to grab that $20 bill just to see it.
00:41:26.000 Because, you know, I don't want them to come in and just flush it.
00:41:29.000 I just want them to take a look.
00:41:30.000 Just try.
00:41:31.000 Anyway.
00:41:32.000 So, we're out there for...
00:41:35.000 You know, two, three days.
00:41:37.000 On the third day was when I killed a deer.
00:41:40.000 And we were...
00:41:41.000 Before that, we had seen a couple of them, but we couldn't get close enough to shoot them.
00:41:45.000 Okay, hold on.
00:41:46.000 How far downwind do you have to be?
00:41:47.000 Like, if you're two miles away, you're okay.
00:41:49.000 But, like, how close can you be?
00:41:50.000 You can be close as long as the wind is going from them to you.
00:41:54.000 And then it's a matter of sound.
00:41:55.000 But then if it's not...
00:41:56.000 If it's going towards them...
00:41:57.000 How far away do you have to circle around them?
00:41:59.000 It all depends because it's not a distance thing.
00:42:02.000 It's a being behind things thing and it's being above them thing.
00:42:06.000 Ideally, you want them below you and you're above from the top of the hills.
00:42:13.000 Also, you have more shots at them.
00:42:15.000 If they, you know, you have more opportunities.
00:42:17.000 If they're going, like, up over the hill and you shoot at them, they take off over the top of the hill, you don't know where they're going.
00:42:24.000 They went left or right.
00:42:25.000 You have no idea where they are.
00:42:26.000 But you're already over the hill.
00:42:27.000 Yeah.
00:42:27.000 If you look down on them, you can see where they are better.
00:42:29.000 Okay.
00:42:29.000 So you can scan more area, too.
00:42:31.000 It's kind of hard to figure out where they're going to go.
00:42:34.000 It's a really interesting thing because it's...
00:42:36.000 You become a part of their world.
00:42:38.000 I mean, you're walking around, you're living outside, you're doing this for several days, and you're becoming a part of these animals' world.
00:42:45.000 You don't talk all day.
00:42:46.000 All day is spent trying to walk as slowly and quietly as possible, stopping every 15 to 20 seconds.
00:42:53.000 It sounds like awful.
00:42:54.000 To scan what?
00:42:55.000 Okay, relax.
00:42:56.000 To scan the horizon.
00:42:58.000 To look around for these animals.
00:43:00.000 So you're doing this all day.
00:43:02.000 And you're not talking.
00:43:05.000 You know, very rarely.
00:43:06.000 It's like, you know, maybe he'll say, okay, we're going to try over here.
00:43:09.000 Now, at this point, are you tracking anything, or are you just hoping to see one?
00:43:12.000 Yeah, sometimes.
00:43:12.000 We see a lot of tracks.
00:43:13.000 You see a lot of deer footprints.
00:43:15.000 We saw elk footprints, a lot of ram footprints.
00:43:17.000 We saw an amazing amount of rams.
00:43:19.000 It was incredible how many of these big horn sheep we saw.
00:43:22.000 So are you following the tracks, or are you just walking until you see one?
00:43:24.000 Yeah, you're following the trails that the deer's traveling, because the deer's traveling trails, and then they'll go off into the wooded areas to bed down.
00:43:30.000 So they get up in the morning, and in the morning they're up and they get water and eat, and they'll stay active for a little while, and then they start going in the midday to bed down, and then they come out when it gets dark again.
00:43:42.000 We had one come through our camp while we're sleeping.
00:43:45.000 You just found out later?
00:43:46.000 We heard it.
00:43:46.000 You just hear it going, woof, woof.
00:43:48.000 It gets scared.
00:43:49.000 It came through the camp, and as it's in the camp, it realizes, oh my god, I'm surrounded by ogres.
00:43:55.000 The monsters that want to eat me are right there.
00:43:57.000 And it sort of freaks out and starts stomping its feet.
00:44:01.000 I bet they could fuck up a tent if they wanted to.
00:44:03.000 Oh yeah, it could.
00:44:04.000 Of course it could.
00:44:04.000 I mean, they're not aggressive.
00:44:06.000 It's not like they would do that unless they were threatened.
00:44:08.000 They're clearly prey.
00:44:11.000 They're made of meat.
00:44:13.000 They're clearly prey for all these...
00:44:17.000 Different predators, especially mountain lions, but humans, of course.
00:44:20.000 And that's what they're worried about.
00:44:22.000 Wolves used to be an issue.
00:44:24.000 They just want to walk around and eat leaves.
00:44:26.000 They want to fuck.
00:44:26.000 That's what it is.
00:44:27.000 It's getting close.
00:44:28.000 We weren't there during the rut.
00:44:30.000 During the rut, it's really crazy because the deer get super bold because they just have hard-ons and they just want to go fuck.
00:44:35.000 And they'll just walk right across the street and look at you and you can blast them.
00:44:38.000 It's like...
00:44:39.000 It's really a ruthless trick because they're being silly.
00:44:46.000 So that's why people put the smell of a female deer on them.
00:44:49.000 Yeah, they spray it on them.
00:44:50.000 They'll spray it on things.
00:44:52.000 I think some places that's illegal though.
00:44:54.000 There's different places that have different laws and regulations.
00:44:58.000 I learned a lot from hanging out with this Steve Rinella guy.
00:45:00.000 It was a fascinating thing.
00:45:02.000 We should have those rules.
00:45:03.000 Like, girls shouldn't be able to dress like sluts unless they are.
00:45:06.000 You know what I mean?
00:45:07.000 Like, it's not allowed.
00:45:08.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:45:09.000 Because the deer comes up and he's like, oh, can I fuck?
00:45:12.000 Oh, it's some other thing that I can't fuck.
00:45:14.000 So if girls were trying to rip you off, like if girls were like professional gold diggers, they shouldn't be allowed to dress like sluts.
00:45:20.000 Yeah.
00:45:20.000 Unless you're willing to back it up.
00:45:22.000 Hmm.
00:45:22.000 Okay.
00:45:23.000 So if you are a female deer, yeah, you can make that smell.
00:45:26.000 That's okay.
00:45:27.000 It seemed like that would be very stressful.
00:45:30.000 Did you ever get to a point where you're just like, alright, I really just want to yell and tweet and walk around?
00:45:38.000 How did that feel with that one?
00:45:39.000 No, that was the interesting thing.
00:45:41.000 I was able to sort of accept that this was how we're living for the next few days.
00:45:50.000 And I didn't look forward to it ending.
00:45:53.000 You didn't even bring your phone with you?
00:45:54.000 No.
00:45:55.000 Well, it doesn't work.
00:45:56.000 There's no cell phone reception out there.
00:45:58.000 Nothing.
00:45:58.000 You can't get anything out there.
00:46:00.000 But I knew that going in there.
00:46:03.000 And what I was thinking was, this is going to be an interesting opportunity to sort of get off the grid for a little bit and see what that feels like.
00:46:10.000 And one of the weird things about getting off the grid for a few days is that you get a lot of energy, man.
00:46:19.000 You've got a lot of energy.
00:46:20.000 When you're walking around, going after these deer, and then in between you're rowing your boat, even when you sit down for a few minutes, you're not exhausted.
00:46:28.000 You don't want to take a nap.
00:46:30.000 You have energy.
00:46:31.000 It's like, dude, I think that's what people are supposed to be doing.
00:46:35.000 Smartphones?
00:46:35.000 People are supposed to be working and doing things physically all day.
00:46:39.000 And when they don't do things physically all day, they get exhausted.
00:46:43.000 I really believe that.
00:46:44.000 I think if you look at our past as when we developed, you know, back to the time where people just first started storing foods and developing clothes and making weapons and figuring out how to hunt animals, we were in motion all day.
00:46:57.000 Whether we were building shelter or collecting food, we were in motion all day.
00:47:01.000 And I think that's our default.
00:47:04.000 And when we sit down, like, at a desk, and you're sitting in front of a computer, or you're sitting there and, you know, just sitting in front of the television, I think your body gets confused as fuck.
00:47:15.000 I think your body's like, well, we're just not moving, so I guess we should sleep.
00:47:18.000 Yeah, why would there be a reason to just not move?
00:47:20.000 There's no reason.
00:47:21.000 Unless you're sitting down at the end of the day eating.
00:47:22.000 That's why I think that being in front of a computer or being in a cubicle, like doing that all day, like sitting in a desk all day, is probably terrible for your body.
00:47:32.000 We do that.
00:47:33.000 Terrible for your brain.
00:47:34.000 How do we do that?
00:47:35.000 Sit and fucking surf the web.
00:47:38.000 We should do a walking podcast.
00:47:39.000 Even this right now, it's like we're not doing anything.
00:47:41.000 Yeah, but we're having a conversation.
00:47:43.000 This is the best way to have a conversation is in a way that you don't have to think about your body.
00:47:47.000 You shut it off and relax.
00:47:48.000 If we were standing up, we wouldn't be having as cool of a conversation.
00:47:52.000 Yeah, but I'm just saying, we're not moving.
00:47:55.000 No, no, walking podcast.
00:47:55.000 We just go for a nice walk.
00:47:57.000 That's not a bad idea.
00:47:58.000 Of course, it would be me going...
00:48:03.000 Dude, this fucking sucks.
00:48:05.000 I want to go play Pokemon.
00:48:07.000 Hey, Pokemon.
00:48:09.000 This is the first thing that came to me.
00:48:11.000 Is there a thing that we could get, like the Bigfoot Hunter guys?
00:48:16.000 Oh, right.
00:48:17.000 We could do a podcast.
00:48:17.000 Oh, so show us.
00:48:18.000 There would just be videos of us getting made fun of.
00:48:20.000 Wandering around Pasadena.
00:48:21.000 We could do a blog.
00:48:23.000 We could totally do that.
00:48:24.000 Let's just go on a hike in Runyon Canyon.
00:48:25.000 Yeah, that's a good idea.
00:48:26.000 Well, that's too pretentious.
00:48:28.000 How about Griffith Park?
00:48:30.000 Go to the zoo.
00:48:31.000 We would find people that would put their resumes in front of the fucking camera.
00:48:36.000 That place is filled with so many fucking annoying douchebags.
00:48:40.000 Yeah, we should totally do that.
00:48:41.000 I took a lot of photos.
00:48:42.000 Let's go to the zoo like that.
00:48:43.000 I took a lot of photos from this trip.
00:48:45.000 I took a lot of photos of the animal.
00:48:49.000 I mean I showed you a picture of the animal that I shot.
00:48:52.000 So what happened was on the third day was when we were We had gone hiking through the morning, and then we went and looked for deer.
00:49:04.000 We didn't see anything.
00:49:06.000 We saw a couple, but we didn't get close enough to them to get a shot at them.
00:49:10.000 And then we rode for a few miles down the river, and then we stopped at this one place.
00:49:16.000 And we traveled about a mile in, this long field.
00:49:20.000 We're going up all these hills.
00:49:23.000 The director spots this deer.
00:49:25.000 So there's one deer.
00:49:26.000 That's all it is.
00:49:27.000 The director?
00:49:27.000 Was he like, action!
00:49:28.000 No, no, no.
00:49:29.000 The director also works as a cameraman.
00:49:32.000 His name is Moe.
00:49:33.000 This is all recorded.
00:49:34.000 It's a super hard job.
00:49:35.000 It's for a TV show, dude.
00:49:36.000 Wait, that's what you went hunting for?
00:49:37.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:49:38.000 It's a television show.
00:49:39.000 Oh really?
00:49:40.000 I thought you just went hunting.
00:49:42.000 I can't wait to see this.
00:49:43.000 We have full documentation.
00:49:45.000 A lot of funny moments?
00:49:46.000 Oh yeah, my god, so much funny moments because Callan went with me.
00:49:49.000 So they had a hike with all their cameras and shit with them?
00:49:52.000 Well, they hold a camera.
00:49:54.000 They have a camera that's not light.
00:49:56.000 These guys are in serious shape.
00:49:58.000 Moe, the director, is this big strapping guy and he's hoofing it, man.
00:50:03.000 I mean, this is a real work.
00:50:04.000 And Ranella, the guy who's the star of the show, he does this shit all year round.
00:50:07.000 So he's in serious shape for this.
00:50:10.000 There's like a type of shape that you get in for hiking.
00:50:12.000 It's a hiking shape.
00:50:13.000 And he's in great hiking shape.
00:50:16.000 And so he takes these really perilous paths, too.
00:50:19.000 A lot of times I was like, whoa, this is tricky shit.
00:50:22.000 Because I'm carrying a rifle.
00:50:24.000 You know, I'm carrying a rifle and we're climbing up mountains.
00:50:26.000 It was no joke, man.
00:50:30.000 We did the whole thing the right way.
00:50:32.000 I mean, this was like a 100% wild animal.
00:50:37.000 Most likely, this deer had never seen a person before.
00:50:40.000 Yeah, we were in the badlands of Montana.
00:50:43.000 It was some serious shit, right?
00:50:45.000 So we're getting over the top of this ridge, and we look over, and Mo sees this deer.
00:50:52.000 So we have to creep up on it, and we have to creep up on it and go upwind of it.
00:50:56.000 Or downwind, rather, so that its scent is coming to us and ours isn't coming in.
00:51:00.000 And so then we got a shot off at it at 200 yards.
00:51:05.000 I shot it from 200 yards.
00:51:07.000 You killed it?
00:51:08.000 Wow.
00:51:08.000 How did you know how to use the rifle the right way?
00:51:11.000 He showed me how.
00:51:12.000 He showed me how two days before.
00:51:13.000 It's pretty simple.
00:51:14.000 I shot guns before.
00:51:15.000 Were you standing up or lying down?
00:51:17.000 Lying down.
00:51:17.000 Lying down on the ground.
00:51:18.000 You had a scope and everything?
00:51:20.000 Yeah.
00:51:20.000 And you have to correct us how far it is?
00:51:21.000 I have to have a scope because it was 200 yards away.
00:51:23.000 It was really far.
00:51:23.000 Yeah, this is what I figured out about bullets.
00:51:25.000 The gravity hits them, so they'll go down the further away.
00:51:28.000 So you have to know to aim slightly up if you're 50 yards away.
00:51:30.000 300 yards away.
00:51:31.000 I think the scope is designed for that.
00:51:33.000 Yeah, it tells you how far it's looking like.
00:51:35.000 Yeah, but not for high powered rifles.
00:51:37.000 It takes a long time before they change trajectory.
00:51:39.000 They go pretty straight for a long time.
00:51:41.000 I mean, it's like a really serious rifle.
00:51:43.000 So the deer drops, and I didn't even know he dropped.
00:51:46.000 I shoot it.
00:51:47.000 The whole thing, it's a really tricky thing, like shooting something.
00:51:50.000 First of all, I'm breathing heavy.
00:51:53.000 We had done all this crazy hiking, and my adrenaline's flying.
00:51:57.000 Because I'm trying to relax and tune in.
00:51:59.000 And I don't want to hurt this thing.
00:52:01.000 I got it right through the head.
00:52:02.000 I want to shoot it in the leg and then it runs away and we can never catch it again.
00:52:05.000 You know what I mean?
00:52:06.000 It bleeds out.
00:52:08.000 I wanted to do it correctly.
00:52:10.000 So I wanted to make sure that I had a good shot.
00:52:12.000 And I dropped it with the first shot.
00:52:14.000 It wasn't dead.
00:52:15.000 I had to kill it.
00:52:16.000 I had to hit it with the second shot.
00:52:18.000 He wasn't dead?
00:52:19.000 No.
00:52:19.000 He was going to die.
00:52:20.000 I shot him through...
00:52:22.000 Like, right above, like, his heart.
00:52:25.000 And so it would have taken, it like hit his spine.
00:52:28.000 What were you aiming for?
00:52:28.000 The heart or the head?
00:52:29.000 You aimed for the heart.
00:52:30.000 Okay.
00:52:31.000 And so then you had to walk up to it and shoot it?
00:52:33.000 Or you shot it again from right there?
00:52:34.000 I shot it from a distance.
00:52:35.000 How far away?
00:52:36.000 Pretty close.
00:52:37.000 I got pretty close to make sure that I didn't miss.
00:52:39.000 10 feet?
00:52:40.000 No, it was further than that.
00:52:42.000 With the rifle again?
00:52:44.000 Yeah, with the rifle.
00:52:45.000 And then I finished it.
00:52:46.000 It was very intense, man.
00:52:47.000 Because then, right after that, then we're gutting it.
00:52:50.000 And it's hot, okay?
00:52:53.000 And I made a real conscious decision to do this.
00:52:57.000 And I know I got a lot of criticism from a lot of people that said, you shouldn't go hunting, you shouldn't kill something, this is so horrible.
00:53:04.000 But here's the issue, man.
00:53:06.000 It's like a lot of these people that I'm talking to, they're wearing leather shoes.
00:53:09.000 Okay?
00:53:10.000 You got leather in your car interior.
00:53:12.000 You eat burgers and you got no problem with it.
00:53:15.000 People always get sweatshops until they find out the iPhone is made of one.
00:53:19.000 This is my point of view.
00:53:21.000 It's not that I want to kill animals.
00:53:23.000 I'm like a mean person.
00:53:24.000 I want to go out and kill these beautiful animals.
00:53:28.000 But I eat meat.
00:53:29.000 And I've eaten meat my whole life.
00:53:32.000 And I've taken no responsibility for how that meat is acquired.
00:53:36.000 I read all the shit about farming.
00:53:39.000 And I don't want to be attached to that.
00:53:41.000 I don't want to be attached to be...
00:53:43.000 To factory farming.
00:53:44.000 There's a huge difference.
00:53:46.000 I don't want to be attached to the way they treat animals where they essentially have them live their entire lives tortured in cages feeding shit food that their body can't even digest to fatten them up and then we kill them and eat them and then you just pick it up at the supermarket completely detached from the process.
00:54:04.000 It just is meat.
00:54:07.000 I knew coming in that this was going to be a weird experience.
00:54:10.000 How was I going to address this?
00:54:12.000 Was I going to enjoy this?
00:54:17.000 Was I going to feel terrible and become a vegetarian?
00:54:21.000 How was my reaction to it?
00:54:24.000 When you walked up to it, how did you feel?
00:54:26.000 When it was dead?
00:54:27.000 No, before you shot it the second time.
00:54:28.000 I felt like I have to kill it.
00:54:30.000 You could see it close enough to know it was actually breathing and stuff.
00:54:33.000 Could you hear it?
00:54:34.000 Yeah, you could hear it.
00:54:35.000 What was he doing?
00:54:35.000 Just writhing on the ground?
00:54:37.000 He was just struggling.
00:54:37.000 Yeah, he was struggling.
00:54:38.000 And so you went up there?
00:54:38.000 He wasn't moving much.
00:54:39.000 I mean, he was going to die soon.
00:54:41.000 But I had to make sure that I took care of it right there.
00:54:46.000 Look, it's very strange.
00:54:49.000 The whole experience is very strange.
00:54:50.000 The whole experience of tracking them down is strange, knowing that you're tracking them down to eventually eat them.
00:54:56.000 And then when you're actually eating it, it's like that night we sat over at a campfire and we cooked liver and the heart and the kidneys.
00:55:05.000 How did you get it back or did you camp there?
00:55:07.000 No, we had to bring it back.
00:55:09.000 How did you carry it back?
00:55:10.000 You cut it up.
00:55:11.000 Cut it up first and everyone takes a piece?
00:55:13.000 Well, we did the first night.
00:55:14.000 We took the organs out that we could use, that you'd eat.
00:55:18.000 You don't eat all the organs, but you eat the liver and you eat the heart and you eat the kidneys.
00:55:22.000 And so we took all that stuff out.
00:55:24.000 What did you do with the rest of the organs?
00:55:24.000 We pulled it out, and we were going to use it for catfish bait, but you just leave it there.
00:55:30.000 We wound up leaving it there, and other animals would eat it almost immediately.
00:55:33.000 The ravens would find it, and when the ravens find it, then the coyotes will figure out where the ravens are, and the coyotes will go to there.
00:55:40.000 It's like...
00:55:41.000 Nature has this really efficient system of cleaning out things.
00:55:44.000 Yeah, it's really amazing.
00:55:46.000 So we leave the organs, take the edible organs, and then leave the body overnight because it takes a few hours to part it up and to clean it and part it up.
00:55:56.000 You can leave it there.
00:55:56.000 There's no...
00:55:57.000 It's 30 degrees outside, so it's like a refrigerator.
00:55:59.000 So you tie it up to make sure that nothing can get to it, but there's no insects there.
00:56:03.000 Everything's...
00:56:03.000 It's so dead there.
00:56:04.000 If it was warm, you couldn't have done that?
00:56:07.000 Or can you leave the meat out?
00:56:09.000 No, you couldn't do that.
00:56:09.000 You can't leave the meat out if it's hot out.
00:56:11.000 Like if it's in Texas in August, you shouldn't leave the meat out like that.
00:56:15.000 How long do you have?
00:56:15.000 Because they always kill it.
00:56:16.000 It doesn't go straight to our fridge.
00:56:18.000 That's a good question.
00:56:18.000 I don't know how long...
00:56:19.000 You have some time, but if it's hot out, you don't have nearly as much time.
00:56:24.000 That's why people salt things to preserve them, right?
00:56:26.000 Yeah, yeah, but that's not what they do with wild game.
00:56:30.000 That's what they used to do with meat back when they didn't have refrigerators.
00:56:33.000 I don't really totally understand how that works either.
00:56:36.000 But maybe bacteria doesn't live on the surface with the salt or something, I don't know.
00:56:42.000 So it was so cold out, we just left it there.
00:56:45.000 You can leave it there.
00:56:46.000 It's like leave it in the refrigerator.
00:56:47.000 It was like a mile from the camp, so then we had to walk back from the camp.
00:56:52.000 Can these big pieces?
00:56:53.000 Yeah, we had to take it apart.
00:56:55.000 How much did that buck weigh?
00:56:57.000 It was about 180 pounds.
00:56:59.000 180 pounds.
00:57:00.000 So you guys had to split that up.
00:57:01.000 Yeah, we had to chop it up and carry it out.
00:57:03.000 It was a lot of work.
00:57:05.000 That was the most difficult thing, was carrying the buck back.
00:57:11.000 Actually, no.
00:57:11.000 You know, all the hiking together, all of it was pretty hard.
00:57:14.000 The really slippery slopes were probably the hardest thing.
00:57:17.000 But the most difficult thing is staying calm and shooting the animal.
00:57:20.000 And then making a decision.
00:57:21.000 Like, is this really what you want to do?
00:57:22.000 Like, what are you going to do?
00:57:23.000 You've already made that decision now.
00:57:24.000 But I wanted to know.
00:57:25.000 I wanted to...
00:57:26.000 Look, the detachment that a normal person has or eats meat...
00:57:31.000 I don't necessarily think that's healthy.
00:57:33.000 I think that we've removed what it is from our heads and we're just acquiring meat.
00:57:42.000 We're just going to a supermarket and acquiring meat.
00:57:44.000 And I think that lack of connection...
00:57:49.000 I don't know.
00:57:50.000 I think ultimately it's not healthy and I think it's not natural.
00:57:55.000 I think it's weird.
00:57:56.000 Not to know where the food comes from.
00:57:58.000 It's like being born rich or something.
00:58:00.000 Coyotes do that.
00:58:00.000 You don't really appreciate it or understand it.
00:58:03.000 Coyotes do that.
00:58:04.000 What do you mean?
00:58:04.000 They just grab food that somebody else killed.
00:58:06.000 They kill things too, dude.
00:58:07.000 They're out there.
00:58:08.000 It's a hard scrabble life.
00:58:09.000 You can't be picky and choosy when you're a coyote.
00:58:10.000 What I mean is that the idea of going to a supermarket and everything's prepared and packaged for you, we don't think about...
00:58:16.000 You should come with headshots of the animal, like a photo of their face.
00:58:19.000 Yeah, this is me when I was a baby.
00:58:21.000 This is me at one years old, just learning how to walk.
00:58:23.000 So you feel like now when you buy the meat, you'll sort of appreciate it more?
00:58:27.000 Well, I have a lot of deer meat to eat.
00:58:29.000 Oh, you took it back with you?
00:58:31.000 Yeah.
00:58:31.000 Did you like it?
00:58:32.000 It's delicious.
00:58:33.000 It's the best meat you can eat.
00:58:35.000 So now, they say you want to get it clean so it doesn't taste gamey because it releases that testosterone or whatever it is, right?
00:58:40.000 Adrenaline once you hit it before you kill it?
00:58:43.000 Yeah, they're going to have adrenaline no matter what, man.
00:58:46.000 I mean, if it doesn't die instantly.
00:58:47.000 But it doesn't taste bad.
00:58:49.000 You know, it's a really lean, delicious meat.
00:58:53.000 It tastes really good.
00:58:55.000 For a lot of people, they have a problem with killing things.
00:58:59.000 I get it.
00:59:00.000 You eat meat, but you don't like killing things.
00:59:02.000 And I understand that.
00:59:03.000 But I think being upset at someone for killing something that they eat, I think is a little bit hypocritical.
00:59:11.000 Not a little bit.
00:59:12.000 Ridiculously hypocritical.
00:59:14.000 It's also stupid.
00:59:16.000 We're not being honest about what we are as an organism.
00:59:21.000 We're not being honest about what we are as an organism if you're mad at people that hunt.
00:59:24.000 Because every fucking restaurant you go to, everywhere you look has murdered animals in it.
00:59:29.000 That's everywhere you look.
00:59:30.000 There is something different though to be part of the killing as opposed to being okay with the killing going on.
00:59:34.000 It's like you don't want to be an executioner but you can believe in capital punishment.
00:59:38.000 Yeah, I guess if you weren't eating the prisoners after you killed them.
00:59:42.000 But I'm saying you don't have to be the one doing the killing.
00:59:45.000 There's a difference between doing the killing and just being okay with people getting murdered.
00:59:49.000 I don't think the capital punishment argument works because you don't need capital punishment for sustenance.
00:59:54.000 You don't need meat either.
00:59:57.000 People exist on being a vegetarian.
00:59:59.000 But if you're consuming meat, you're eating it.
01:00:01.000 And that is a part of your diet.
01:00:03.000 That's a part of your everyday diet.
01:00:04.000 Yet we have no connection with that.
01:00:06.000 And that was the issue that I had.
01:00:08.000 I was like, man, I feel like, just as a human going through this life, if I'm going to continue to eat meat, I should take a part in the process.
01:00:16.000 I don't want to start a farm and go kill a pig on a farm.
01:00:19.000 That's a no part of you want to just go to a farm and say, let's just do that.
01:00:22.000 Why?
01:00:22.000 I think the best way is this animal lives a totally natural wildlife and then, boom!
01:00:28.000 It gets shot.
01:00:29.000 Can I just make an argument for them?
01:00:30.000 Because I think it's fine to hunt.
01:00:32.000 I don't care at all.
01:00:33.000 But that deer would not have died.
01:00:35.000 Yes, it would.
01:00:36.000 You don't know that.
01:00:37.000 You're wrong.
01:00:37.000 It wouldn't have died that day by that moment.
01:00:38.000 Most of them die either they get killed by predators or they die because it gets cold out.
01:00:44.000 That happens a lot.
01:00:44.000 It would have died eventually.
01:00:45.000 It wouldn't have died right then.
01:00:46.000 But if you go to a farm with just killing cows, that would have died right then.
01:00:51.000 Just you're doing it.
01:00:53.000 Wouldn't that be more of taking a part in the process?
01:00:55.000 I don't know what you're saying.
01:00:56.000 Go to a farm where they're killing a bunch of cows.
01:00:58.000 Today's cow killing day.
01:01:00.000 Go there and say, hey, let me work the lever for a little bit.
01:01:03.000 Let me fucking put a nail gun in his head.
01:01:04.000 Well, you know what?
01:01:05.000 That's like a semantics argument.
01:01:07.000 Like, why would you even care?
01:01:08.000 You're taking a life either way.
01:01:09.000 You take a life that's destined to be taken, and it's less meaning?
01:01:14.000 If that's a normal kind of meat people eat, then that seems like...
01:01:17.000 Deer is as normal as eating cows.
01:01:22.000 Well, first of all, two.
01:01:22.000 One, people don't eat deer as much.
01:01:25.000 Two, if they do eat...
01:01:29.000 Meat, they usually get it from supermarkets, which are farmed.
01:01:32.000 Today.
01:01:33.000 Yeah.
01:01:33.000 Today.
01:01:33.000 But throughout human history, people have been eating deer.
01:01:36.000 If you're saying you want to take a part of what you're eating and say, I'm going to let my conscience sit on this and see this is what we're doing, then wouldn't you want to go and do actually what you're doing to get that meat?
01:01:47.000 And not change it to a different way.
01:01:49.000 I'm not sure I follow you.
01:01:50.000 If you get your chicken from farms that kill 3,000 chickens in a day, and that's where people get their chicken, wouldn't it be better if you want to see what it's actually like, where this chicken comes from?
01:02:00.000 Wouldn't it be better to go to a place like that where they're killing chickens all day and have it strung up and slice its throat than killing a wild chicken?
01:02:07.000 Well, if you were dead set on eating factory-raised chicken, I could see your point.
01:02:13.000 But if your point was that you wanted to be a part of what you ate, not that you specifically wanted to eat factory-raised chicken.
01:02:22.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:02:23.000 I think that the idea of an animal living a wild life and then its life ending in a brief moment because of bullet.
01:02:31.000 I think that is a more humane and more...
01:02:34.000 I don't even like the word humane.
01:02:36.000 Because humane...
01:02:37.000 What is the actual meaning of humane?
01:02:40.000 Because humans, I don't think, are so fucking humane.
01:02:43.000 You don't want people to suffer, I guess, technically.
01:02:46.000 If you look at how we acquire our meat, that's not humane at all.
01:02:49.000 It just seems like that deer wouldn't have died right then.
01:02:50.000 Where if you go to some farm, they would have died then.
01:02:52.000 So it's like you can take apart without adding to the killing.
01:02:54.000 I see what you're saying, but it doesn't make sense.
01:02:56.000 I think you're just baked.
01:03:00.000 I am big, but it totally makes sense to me.
01:03:02.000 I see what you're saying.
01:03:03.000 You're saying you want to show that you're a part of this and know where it comes from.
01:03:05.000 Most people do get their food.
01:03:06.000 I also want to eat game.
01:03:07.000 I think game is the best food.
01:03:10.000 I've said this for a long time, that I think that there's probably more nutrition in wild game than any other kind of food, and I think that's one of the reasons why they're so elusive.
01:03:20.000 They know that they're worth something.
01:03:23.000 When a deer hears you and those fucking antenna ears pop up and they start looking, they know that they're super nutritious.
01:03:29.000 And there's a bunch of animals out there that are just trying to jack them.
01:03:33.000 There used to be a lot more mountain lions, but apparently they have a good healthy supply of them now.
01:03:38.000 We didn't see any while we were there, but whenever you have a lot of deer, you have a lot of mountain lions.
01:03:43.000 That's what they eat.
01:03:44.000 Yeah, that's what they eat.
01:03:46.000 Especially fawns.
01:03:47.000 They'll go after the babies because they're easy and they can take them.
01:03:50.000 I like how nature set everything up where it gives everything sort of a fighting chance.
01:03:54.000 Like, we're not going to kill all of you, but the ones that are too bold and go out away from the herd, you're going to get jacked.
01:03:58.000 It's very fascinating to be, even though I went there with all these human inventions like tents and guns and all that stuff, to be out there living in nature for four or five days.
01:04:10.000 It's a very eye-opening experience, man.
01:04:13.000 Yeah.
01:04:13.000 There's some weird primal shit goes off when you're out there stalking a deer that you're eventually going to eat.
01:04:20.000 And then later that night, you're sitting in front of a campfire with a bunch of men, and everyone's feasting on the meat from this animal and talking about how delicious it is and enjoying it.
01:04:30.000 Yeah.
01:04:30.000 It's very strange, man.
01:04:32.000 Yeah.
01:04:32.000 I can see where a lot of people would be uncomfortable with it.
01:04:36.000 I could see where a lot of people would be angry, and they might be a little bit irrational and be pissed at me that I went and I hunted.
01:04:44.000 But, you know, you're not mad at me when I have a cheeseburger.
01:04:46.000 You know, I don't get cries in anger when I put a steak on the grill and take a photo of it, which I do all the time because I like to cook steaks like 2 o'clock in the morning.
01:04:56.000 Like a boss!
01:04:57.000 What happens if you didn't find that deer that day?
01:04:59.000 Then we have no deer.
01:05:00.000 I gotta keep looking.
01:05:01.000 No, we ate these freeze-dried foods.
01:05:05.000 We ate these freeze-dried meals.
01:05:07.000 You open them up and you pour hot water in them.
01:05:09.000 And they had these jets, these flame jets that would boil water.
01:05:14.000 And you turn the flame jets on, and you put this water canister over, and it'll boil the water.
01:05:19.000 And the water starts boiling, and you shut it off, and you pour the boiling water into the bag.
01:05:23.000 And you seal it, and you let it sit for a few minutes.
01:05:25.000 And it's not bad.
01:05:26.000 You know, they have like...
01:05:27.000 And you boil the water over.
01:05:28.000 Lasagna.
01:05:29.000 They sell that shit on Amazon, like a huge carton of just tons of those packs.
01:05:33.000 Dude, they're not bad.
01:05:34.000 You know, like if we need that.
01:05:37.000 You'd be amazed at like, you could actually survive off of it.
01:05:40.000 It's not bad.
01:05:40.000 It actually tastes pretty good.
01:05:42.000 So, the only thing that was ruthless is the sleeping outside.
01:05:46.000 It's just, that's really difficult to get used to.
01:05:49.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:05:49.000 And the physical activity of stalking the animal, and then the reality of the shooting of the animal.
01:05:55.000 That was intense.
01:05:57.000 Because I wondered how I was going to feel about that.
01:06:00.000 I wondered if I was going to feel sad, if I'm going to feel bad.
01:06:03.000 What was the feeling?
01:06:04.000 I didn't feel bad.
01:06:05.000 It felt very natural.
01:06:07.000 And when you were eating it, were you thinking about the animal you killed?
01:06:09.000 Or really, were you just enjoying a good burger?
01:06:11.000 Well, I was enjoying it.
01:06:12.000 I was thinking about the process in which it happened.
01:06:16.000 I was thinking about its life.
01:06:18.000 I felt...
01:06:19.000 I mean, it sounds very cliché to say you feel very connected with nature.
01:06:24.000 But man, that is the perfect description.
01:06:26.000 It's like being connected with nature.
01:06:29.000 You don't have to eat nature to be connected with it.
01:06:32.000 I know, but guess what, folks?
01:06:34.000 When you eat broccoli, you're eating nature, you fuck, okay?
01:06:38.000 When you eat celery, you're eating nature.
01:06:40.000 You know, when you eat beets, you're eating a living part of nature.
01:06:44.000 It just can't defend itself.
01:06:45.000 It doesn't scream, and it doesn't try to run away.
01:06:48.000 So you assume it's okay.
01:06:49.000 It's not the same species as us, but we would be super excited if we found it on Mars, okay?
01:06:54.000 If we found kale on Mars...
01:06:56.000 And some asshole came around and ate it.
01:06:58.000 Kale on Mars.
01:06:59.000 Why'd you eat the fucking Mars kale, you cunt?
01:07:02.000 This is life from another planet and you ate it.
01:07:04.000 It's Mars fed.
01:07:05.000 I'm going to get so regular though.
01:07:07.000 And it doesn't mean that I didn't think that the animal was beautiful.
01:07:10.000 I thought the animal was very beautiful.
01:07:11.000 I'm amazed just to see them.
01:07:12.000 I enjoyed seeing all the rams that we couldn't shoot.
01:07:15.000 We couldn't get attacked to shoot them, but I enjoyed seeing them.
01:07:18.000 But I think that ideally, I would like to eat nothing but game meat.
01:07:22.000 I think that would be the best for me health-wise, and I think that it would be the most honest way to be a meat-eater.
01:07:30.000 So that's what I'm going to try to do.
01:07:31.000 We're going to go again in the summer, and we're going to go hunting for caribou.
01:07:34.000 Really?
01:07:34.000 Callan's going to go again.
01:07:35.000 Try to eat those things?
01:07:36.000 Yeah, they're huge.
01:07:38.000 So you're going to have stuff shipped in from now on?
01:07:39.000 Yeah.
01:07:40.000 My meat is in Montana.
01:07:42.000 It's on its way to me.
01:07:43.000 They freeze it and they send it.
01:07:45.000 I don't know.
01:07:45.000 I mean, like, more often.
01:07:48.000 I'm going to do this more often.
01:07:50.000 Yeah.
01:07:50.000 I'm going to try to go hunting a couple times a year.
01:07:52.000 Can you just buy game meat?
01:07:53.000 You could.
01:07:54.000 You could do that, too.
01:07:55.000 But what you'd be buying is the animals, but they'd be, like, in a farm situation.
01:07:59.000 And you'd have to make sure that they were grass-fed.
01:08:01.000 You would want to make sure that...
01:08:04.000 No, no.
01:08:04.000 I don't think you're allowed to sell wild game.
01:08:06.000 Oh, really?
01:08:07.000 Yeah, I think it has to be domesticated.
01:08:09.000 I think.
01:08:10.000 I could be wrong about that.
01:08:11.000 It might be different in each state as well.
01:08:13.000 Is there any difference?
01:08:15.000 I know freshwater fish, I think, tastes better the quicker you get it to the pan.
01:08:21.000 Yeah.
01:08:21.000 But salt water, not as much of a problem.
01:08:23.000 Is there any freshness factor to it?
01:08:25.000 Well, the organs, yes.
01:08:27.000 You should cook the organs as quickly as possible.
01:08:29.000 The organs are delicious.
01:08:30.000 Like, deer liver is fantastic.
01:08:32.000 And it tastes better right then than a day later?
01:08:34.000 Yeah, you don't want it.
01:08:35.000 But the meat actually is, according to Steve Rinell, is better the next day.
01:08:38.000 It gives it a chance to relax.
01:08:40.000 And, you know, it's a very sinewy, muscular animal.
01:08:44.000 So you have to prepare in a certain way.
01:08:46.000 It's all muscle, right?
01:08:46.000 Yeah, it's very little fat.
01:08:48.000 They're incredibly lean.
01:08:49.000 So when you cook them, you have to make sure that you don't overcook it.
01:08:52.000 You cook it really quickly.
01:08:53.000 And you have it very much on the rare side.
01:08:57.000 Really?
01:08:58.000 Venison?
01:08:58.000 Yeah.
01:08:58.000 So it's called venison?
01:08:59.000 Yeah.
01:08:59.000 Or you could slow cook it.
01:09:01.000 That's the other way too, where it breaks it down like a pork shoulder.
01:09:03.000 You know, they do that.
01:09:04.000 They slow cook it.
01:09:06.000 So it'll wind up...
01:09:09.000 I'll figure out, you know, how to cook all of it.
01:09:13.000 Wow.
01:09:14.000 Yeah, but I have like, that's probably like 60 or 70 pounds of meat.
01:09:17.000 We rename, you think, all our meats?
01:09:20.000 We don't do it with birds, but all our meats we rename so we don't have to talk about the animal that it is.
01:09:24.000 Probably.
01:09:25.000 Like venison, deer, and beef.
01:09:27.000 Yeah, cow becomes beef.
01:09:29.000 Ham, pork.
01:09:30.000 Steer becomes beef.
01:09:31.000 Yeah, it's weird.
01:09:33.000 A steer.
01:09:33.000 You know, we have to make a steer.
01:09:34.000 What's that?
01:09:35.000 Oh, it's a cow that we cut his nuts off.
01:09:38.000 He was a bull at one point in time, but we're like, yeah, you're not going to need those, dude.
01:09:44.000 You're here for steak.
01:09:45.000 We don't really need you that sinewy.
01:09:47.000 Yeah.
01:09:48.000 I guess you can't eat a bull, you know?
01:09:50.000 You can't?
01:09:50.000 I don't know.
01:09:51.000 I mean, we don't want them to have their balls because I think they get, like, rambunctious.
01:09:56.000 Don't they squeeze the balls in bull riding contests?
01:09:59.000 Supposedly.
01:09:59.000 Yeah.
01:10:00.000 I don't know about that.
01:10:01.000 That's what I've heard.
01:10:03.000 They asked me to go on Celebrity Rodeo once.
01:10:05.000 I was like, bitch, are you out of here?
01:10:06.000 Yeah, I was like, are you out of here?
01:10:08.000 Have you met Joe Rogan?
01:10:09.000 He ain't going anywhere with a bull.
01:10:11.000 Are you crazy?
01:10:12.000 Bull riding.
01:10:13.000 Celebrity bull riding.
01:10:14.000 And I was like, you're out of your mind.
01:10:15.000 I think Stephen Baldwin did it and a couple other people.
01:10:18.000 You're just asking for your body to be broken forever.
01:10:21.000 Yeah, not even getting stomped on, just the throne from a bull.
01:10:24.000 Dude, you know, nobody rides a bull successfully.
01:10:27.000 It's just a matter of how long before you get thrown off.
01:10:30.000 So, you know, that's what you have to deal with.
01:10:33.000 It's the best that you ride it out.
01:10:34.000 It's what runs out of energy, then you just ride it.
01:10:36.000 So stupid.
01:10:37.000 And you own it.
01:10:37.000 Riding a bull is so ridiculous.
01:10:39.000 What was the feeling like after you killed and you're frying it up or whatever?
01:10:43.000 Strange.
01:10:43.000 No, but like the feeling of being able to talk fully for the first time.
01:10:48.000 Could you talk then?
01:10:49.000 Yeah, we talked around the campfire.
01:10:51.000 We always talked around the campfire at night.
01:10:53.000 It's just while we're walking around, we're trying to be pretty quiet.
01:10:56.000 Was that relieving every night to be able to actually use your voice?
01:10:59.000 No.
01:10:59.000 That seems more interesting to me.
01:11:00.000 Barely able to talk.
01:11:01.000 Yeah, there was a little bit of that.
01:11:02.000 It was nice to go out to camp and fuck around.
01:11:04.000 The guys were really nice guys.
01:11:05.000 This guy, Steve Rinella, he's got a great group of dudes that he's got working for him.
01:11:10.000 He really put together an awesome crew.
01:11:12.000 And they have to be bad motherfuckers because they're out there freezing their dicks off, sleeping in tents.
01:11:17.000 And for them, this is their job.
01:11:18.000 For me, it was like, Some crazy vacation and an opportunity to go hunting for the first time and do this dude's TV show.
01:11:27.000 Hey, buddy.
01:11:29.000 But for...
01:11:31.000 For these guys, the cameraman and the director, that's just an everyday part of their life.
01:11:37.000 That's what they do every day.
01:11:38.000 I mean, that's a fucking tough job.
01:11:40.000 Oh, man.
01:11:40.000 You're camping outside most of the year.
01:11:44.000 Because they always camp?
01:11:45.000 Yes.
01:11:45.000 They always film that stuff?
01:11:47.000 Constantly.
01:11:47.000 They're constantly camping.
01:11:49.000 They're camping in Montana.
01:11:50.000 They're camping in Arizona.
01:11:52.000 And they film that stuff?
01:11:52.000 Mm-hmm.
01:11:53.000 They're camping all over the fucking place.
01:11:54.000 Oh, is this a show that's already on?
01:11:55.000 Yeah, it's been on for a while.
01:11:57.000 What show is it?
01:11:57.000 It's called Meat Eater.
01:11:58.000 Oh.
01:11:59.000 Yeah, the dude had a show on the Travel Channel called The Wild Within, and it was a good show.
01:12:04.000 It's like a Bear Grylls type show.
01:12:06.000 What's that?
01:12:06.000 For hunting?
01:12:07.000 Sort of, yeah.
01:12:08.000 I mean, one of the things he did was he hunted a buffalo the same way Lewis and Clark did.
01:12:14.000 He shot a bison with a musket, with an old school musket, killed it, and then turned it into a boat the same way they would back then.
01:12:21.000 They'd make a boat out of these things and take a canoe.
01:12:23.000 They turned it into a boat?
01:12:25.000 Yeah, he did that on the show.
01:12:26.000 It's a pretty interesting fucking show.
01:12:27.000 Wow.
01:12:28.000 I really enjoyed it.
01:12:29.000 He's like a real Wild West historian.
01:12:32.000 He told us some crazy fucking stories about different things that the Indians had done to the white man, the white man had done to the Indians.
01:12:40.000 One dude, he gave up, but his friend tried to resist, so they took his friend, they butchered him in front of him, they cut him open.
01:12:49.000 Who, the Indians cut him?
01:12:49.000 Yeah, they cut his dick off, they rubbed it all over his friend, cut his lungs off, rubbed all his friend, and then they told him, we're going to give you a head start and then we're going to come and kill you.
01:12:57.000 And so this guy outran them, and he outran them and jumped into the river and hid in a beaver den.
01:13:02.000 They have beaver dens everywhere.
01:13:03.000 And the beaver dens, what it essentially is, is like the water's running there, and this guy climbed under the water and into a hole that the beavers had dug into the side of the riverbank so they could breathe in there.
01:13:16.000 So he laid in there and waited until the Indians left, and then he walked 100 miles down to the nearest town, barefoot and naked.
01:13:26.000 And he ate a rattlesnake and he ate a piece of...
01:13:30.000 Just raw?
01:13:31.000 Yep.
01:13:32.000 And a piece of buffalo that he found as he was...
01:13:35.000 Wait, so the Indians killed his friend in front of this dude just to be more like me?
01:13:41.000 Yep, just to, you know, because the guy resisted.
01:13:44.000 Who is this?
01:13:44.000 The guy that killed?
01:13:45.000 It was two guys, yeah.
01:13:46.000 There was all these stories about what happened when the Indians ran into each other.
01:13:51.000 What's also fascinating, what he told me, was how ruthless the Indians were to each other, or the Native Americans, you should say, to each other.
01:13:59.000 They were fucking jacking each other left and right.
01:14:02.000 There were some that were in the Great Lakes area that were practicing cannibalism of other tribes on a regular basis.
01:14:08.000 They were eating them for food.
01:14:11.000 Imagine how harsh it must have been around the Great Lakes in the winter, how brutal that shit is.
01:14:18.000 And I guess some of the natives that were here were ruthless.
01:14:23.000 And they actually wound up cannibalizing people.
01:14:27.000 Yeah, eating people that were, you know, travelers.
01:14:30.000 And what do the cowboys do back?
01:14:31.000 Oh, really?
01:14:31.000 Just like traveling by?
01:14:33.000 Eating people.
01:14:33.000 Yeah, man.
01:14:33.000 You fuck up.
01:14:34.000 You know, you ride your fucking wagon train to the wrong town.
01:14:38.000 And this town is with these guys that eat people.
01:14:41.000 Is that what we have for Compton?
01:14:43.000 No.
01:14:44.000 You just can't wear blue in certain areas or you're fucked up by accident?
01:14:46.000 It's way nicer now than it was in the American Indian days.
01:14:49.000 Yeah.
01:14:50.000 Can you imagine how ruthless?
01:14:52.000 I mean, look, there's one thing to run into gang warfare, but, I mean, bands of people that want to eat you.
01:14:57.000 One saw me from 400 miles away or 400 yards away.
01:15:00.000 I've got to kill him or we're all dead.
01:15:02.000 Yeah.
01:15:03.000 Custer's last stand, he was describing, he's like a real historian, the Steve Rinella guy.
01:15:08.000 He's just talking about all the things that happened during Custer's last days.
01:15:13.000 One of the things they did was they mutilated all the bodies the Indians did after they killed Custer's men so that they would have a shitty afterlife.
01:15:20.000 They cut his dick off so he can't use in the afterlife.
01:15:23.000 Cut his legs apart so he can't use his legs in the afterlife.
01:15:26.000 It didn't matter at that point anymore, Indians?
01:15:27.000 Cut his arms out.
01:15:28.000 He punctured his ears, stabbed his ears, so he could listen to warnings better in the afterlife.
01:15:34.000 Wow.
01:15:35.000 Yeah.
01:15:36.000 Because they warned him that this was going to happen to him.
01:15:39.000 Yeah, it's crazy.
01:15:41.000 And what's really crazy, there was a guy named Gall, and Gall was this big, giant Indian dude that was involved in the massacre of Custer's last stand.
01:15:50.000 And he was involved in killing Custer and his men.
01:15:52.000 And after it was over, he went on those Wild Bill's Wild West tours.
01:15:59.000 Where they would show up in towns and they would say, this is Gaul, he's responsible for killing, you know, over 500 men and the guy would like be standing there like sneering at people.
01:16:07.000 And he really was.
01:16:08.000 He really was the guy that killed Custard and his men.
01:16:11.000 And there he was, you could watch him.
01:16:13.000 I mean, he was free to just be walking around And he, you know, he was a part of a war.
01:16:17.000 And when the war was over, he hung out with Wild Bill and they took him around.
01:16:22.000 I mean, could you imagine?
01:16:22.000 To make a living.
01:16:23.000 Could you imagine if they did that with, like, Idi Amin?
01:16:25.000 Or, you know, somebody...
01:16:27.000 Some warlord.
01:16:28.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:16:28.000 Some warlord was on some show.
01:16:31.000 All right, guys, relax.
01:16:34.000 I killed a couple hundred thousand people.
01:16:36.000 Yeah, what if Saddam Hussein was one day on one of these...
01:16:40.000 You know, he would definitely be on like Celebrity Apprentice and shit like that.
01:16:43.000 Yeah, could you imagine?
01:16:45.000 After a while, he would do those.
01:16:46.000 Celebrity Survivor.
01:16:47.000 That's the future.
01:16:48.000 That's when our civilization really goes into the shitter.
01:16:50.000 Yeah, wait a minute.
01:16:51.000 Why?
01:16:52.000 Instead of, seriously, instead of killing, I know this is like running man shit, but instead of killing Charles Taylor and fucking Saddam Hussein, all these people, why not have like a...
01:17:00.000 Let him fucking running, man it out.
01:17:04.000 You know what I mean?
01:17:05.000 Why?
01:17:06.000 Just so it's entertaining?
01:17:07.000 Yeah.
01:17:08.000 Well, that's when we get dangerously immoral.
01:17:14.000 And you're like, this guy littered.
01:17:16.000 Get him in there.
01:17:16.000 What if we can hunt abortions somehow?
01:17:19.000 I'll give him a fighting chance.
01:17:20.000 Yeah.
01:17:21.000 If you get shrunk down so you're in there with the woman.
01:17:24.000 Like inner space.
01:17:25.000 Inner space abortions.
01:17:26.000 Oh my god.
01:17:27.000 Could you imagine?
01:17:29.000 It's talking to you while you're in there.
01:17:31.000 Don't do it.
01:17:31.000 Don't do it, daddy.
01:17:33.000 Just like you.
01:17:34.000 We're going to have a wonderful life, father.
01:17:36.000 Father.
01:17:37.000 Not if you end it now.
01:17:39.000 He's already creeped out.
01:17:40.000 Hey, when you walked up to kill it after you punctured it, did you have any thought of like, I should say a snappy superhero line.
01:17:48.000 It's so serious.
01:17:54.000 The moment is so sober.
01:17:57.000 The moment you just shot an animal for the first time and dropped it and seen it flop onto its back with its legs up in the air.
01:18:04.000 It was like trying to get up but it couldn't get up.
01:18:06.000 It was done.
01:18:07.000 You didn't think to say, I guess the buck stops here.
01:18:11.000 Pull the sunglasses up.
01:18:13.000 What is the dude's name?
01:18:15.000 The dude from Miami CSI? What's that sound that he does?
01:18:21.000 Oh, God.
01:18:23.000 I guess the buck stops here, you son of a bitch.
01:18:30.000 No, it wasn't funny at all.
01:18:32.000 How did you decide who gets the shot?
01:18:33.000 It was me.
01:18:34.000 I was with Steve, and Brian Callum was off with another professional hunting guide, and Brian also was getting filmed with a different camera, because you can't have that many people out hunting, deciding which animal to go.
01:18:50.000 Did his go well?
01:18:51.000 Yeah, he shot an animal too.
01:18:52.000 Did you guys meet up at night?
01:18:53.000 Yeah, we meet up at night.
01:18:55.000 You knew where the camping spot is?
01:18:56.000 Yeah, we met up.
01:18:57.000 Well, we had a camping spot, and then we would go hiking, and then we'd come back to the camping spot, and then we would row together.
01:19:02.000 So we would talk shit while we were rowing down the river together, make jokes.
01:19:06.000 Brian Callen is one of the perfect human beings to go on any long trip like that, because he's so fucking hilarious, and he's never off.
01:19:14.000 He's never off.
01:19:15.000 He's on the whole time.
01:19:17.000 It was a series of gay jokes.
01:19:19.000 That never ended or evolved, but they got more and more hilarious until the end of it.
01:19:25.000 It was like, while we're, I mean, this sounds like so disrespectful, but while we're like butchering the deer, in between it, Callan does this thing where he starts, stands over the ravine and starts masturbating into the ravine.
01:19:41.000 Just comes up with the, they call me the ravine comer.
01:19:45.000 Yeah, that's what I do.
01:19:46.000 I find a ravine.
01:19:47.000 Oh, I can't help coming.
01:19:48.000 I'm coming into the world!
01:19:50.000 It was so ridiculous.
01:19:52.000 You're not going to be able to use that though, right?
01:19:54.000 Probably not.
01:19:55.000 No, but we're going to put it on the internet.
01:19:56.000 We're going to put it on the internet because it was so ridiculous.
01:19:58.000 It has to go on the internet.
01:19:59.000 He had his tongue out and he was making this fucking really aggressive face and just pretending to shoot loads over the ravine.
01:20:06.000 It was so silly and so hilarious.
01:20:09.000 But it was also in stark contrast to what we were doing at the time, which was butchering this animal.
01:20:15.000 When I gutted it, that was the really intense part because it was just a few moments after I shot it.
01:20:20.000 And then all of a sudden, I'm cutting it open.
01:20:21.000 And as I'm cutting it open, steam is coming out.
01:20:24.000 Like a tauntaun.
01:20:25.000 Yes.
01:20:25.000 Well, not quite so bad, but very close.
01:20:27.000 And it's really, really warm.
01:20:29.000 Their bodies are warmer than ours.
01:20:31.000 Their bodies are like 104 degrees or something like that.
01:20:34.000 Did you get your hands in there and warm them up?
01:20:35.000 Oh, yeah, man.
01:20:35.000 Well, not warm them up.
01:20:36.000 I had to pull the organs out.
01:20:38.000 Did they all...
01:20:38.000 If you sliced, did they...
01:20:40.000 Yeah, you have to slice it a certain way.
01:20:42.000 You have to slice around the body, like pull it all the way up to the neck, and then you have to cut through the ribcage with a hatchet.
01:20:50.000 It's serious shit, man.
01:20:52.000 Is that your first time?
01:20:52.000 You never did any kind of butcher stuff?
01:20:54.000 No, it's fucking serious shit.
01:20:57.000 When you're eating a piece of meat from an animal that you saw bouncing around, And then you put a bullet into him and then you go and open him up and take his organs out and then section his body off and then cook and eat it.
01:21:10.000 There's no confusion as to where that meat came from.
01:21:13.000 There's a complete direct attachment.
01:21:17.000 So then it becomes sort of a philosophical debate.
01:21:22.000 Like, is that what you want to do?
01:21:23.000 Do you want to just kill natural animals and eat them?
01:21:27.000 Or do you want to just remain to be a part of this sort of strange disconnect system where we are all getting meat and not even thinking for a second that that used to be an animal?
01:21:39.000 We have, like, no intellectual connection with the idea that that was an animal.
01:21:42.000 To the actual animal it came from.
01:21:43.000 Yeah, we just eat it.
01:21:44.000 Especially we eat this really unhealthy stuff with all this fat in it.
01:21:46.000 A burger looks nothing like an animal.
01:21:48.000 Not even close.
01:21:49.000 Doesn't even make sense.
01:21:51.000 It's weird.
01:21:52.000 It's fucking weird.
01:21:53.000 I'm not outside.
01:21:55.000 Are you really thinking about that while you're eating?
01:21:57.000 This is going through your mind?
01:21:59.000 No.
01:21:59.000 Because I feel like I would just be like, this is delicious!
01:22:01.000 While I was eating it, I was thinking this is delicious, but I was also thinking, man, this is a serious thing that just happened, you know?
01:22:07.000 And I've got to treat this serious thing with respect.
01:22:11.000 Someone said on my message board once that hunting was psychedelic, that he felt hunting was psychedelic.
01:22:16.000 And I was like, well, that's ridiculous.
01:22:18.000 That's what sociopaths do.
01:22:18.000 It sounds like you don't know what psychedelic means.
01:22:21.000 That's what I was thinking.
01:22:23.000 How could that be psychedelic?
01:22:24.000 That's like the opposite of psychedelic.
01:22:26.000 You're like...
01:22:26.000 Killing an animal, you're taking a life, but then in doing it, I think I know what he meant or what it could mean.
01:22:35.000 What's psychedelic about it is that you are in a totally different world.
01:22:42.000 When you're there and you're in nature, okay, and there's no cell phone signal, there's no radio, there's no media, nothing is in front of you except nature, and you're walking around in it all day looking for an animal, and then when you finally lock onto that animal, and you're doing this for days and days, and you finally lock onto that animal, and then you take that animal's life, and you see it, and you become a part of this experience, then eat this thing, you realize, like, whoa, all of a sudden, like, I'm in the wild.
01:23:09.000 Like, I am literally immersed in the wild.
01:23:12.000 I've just slept in the wild, ate an animal that I shot in the wild, killed it in the wild, cooked it in the wild on some trees.
01:23:19.000 We chopped some wood and we made a campfire and cooked it over a campfire.
01:23:23.000 I mean, it is as wildlife immersive as is possible.
01:23:28.000 And when that happens, man, it's a real paradigm shifting moment.
01:23:32.000 And much like in a psychedelic experience, after it's over, you go, wow, I am going to take as much of that I can take with me, and that's going to make me a better person.
01:23:42.000 That's going to make me a more honest person.
01:23:44.000 This is certainly a powerful experience.
01:23:46.000 I'm going to grow from it.
01:23:47.000 I think about that almost every time I trip or have tripped, and that's exactly how I felt about this.
01:23:52.000 And in that way, it's sort of psychedelic.
01:23:55.000 Did you trip at all while you were there?
01:23:56.000 Nothing.
01:23:57.000 Would you have freaked out if you did?
01:23:59.000 No, I wouldn't have freaked out, but there was no time to fuck around.
01:24:04.000 It was a difficult endeavor.
01:24:08.000 The way he does it, you don't have time to go do mushrooms and lie around the grass for six hours.
01:24:15.000 You're up wandering through the hills of the rifle and if I had gone all the way there with them and then decided to just do mushrooms that would be like so disrespectful to his show and so disrespectful to what he's trying to do because what he's trying to do is with his show he's trying to do these really difficult and challenging hunts and he took me along to do it exactly the way he does it.
01:24:38.000 So I had to do it the way he does it.
01:24:40.000 Okay, picture this.
01:24:41.000 You go out, you got that on day three out of five.
01:24:43.000 Why do I have a feeling this is going to be a gay question?
01:24:45.000 You and Karen are sharing it too.
01:24:48.000 You're on Brokeback Mountain.
01:24:50.000 It's beautiful.
01:24:52.000 Okay, you get this thing on day three.
01:24:54.000 You're back to your last campsite.
01:24:56.000 You still have a day and a half left.
01:24:57.000 You're like, okay, we did it.
01:24:58.000 That's amazing.
01:24:58.000 You're coming to terms with that stuff.
01:25:00.000 And you're undoing your sleeping bag and stuff.
01:25:02.000 You're like, yeah, I should wear my coat.
01:25:03.000 It's actually cold.
01:25:04.000 And you reach near your pocket.
01:25:04.000 You're like, oh, fuck.
01:25:06.000 Hey, guys.
01:25:07.000 I forgot these were in here.
01:25:08.000 I just found these mushrooms.
01:25:10.000 Would you do them then?
01:25:12.000 That's interesting.
01:25:13.000 Everybody could do them.
01:25:14.000 The problem is I would want to not be incapacitated in case something went wrong.
01:25:19.000 You never know what could go wrong.
01:25:21.000 When you're camping, the idea that you're just going to sit there and you do the mushrooms for five hours and you'll be fine.
01:25:27.000 That sounds good in theory.
01:25:29.000 However, you need eight hours sleep and you really got to make sure you get that because you've got a hard day ahead of you.
01:25:35.000 And second of all, There's no five hour breaks there between the light being off, eating your food, and then sleeping for eight hours, then getting up while it's still dark out.
01:25:43.000 There's no time to do it.
01:25:46.000 I wouldn't have done it because there was still work to be done.
01:25:49.000 I still had to go back up there and get the deer itself and cut it apart.
01:25:52.000 That stuff takes hours.
01:25:53.000 It wasn't easy.
01:25:55.000 Oh, you went back.
01:25:57.000 Yeah, so there was no time to do mushrooms.
01:25:59.000 And then the next morning, Brian got his, so he helped me go and get my deer and cut it up, and that's when he was jerking off into the ravine, calling himself the ravine comer.
01:26:09.000 But, you know, the whole experience was very surreal.
01:26:15.000 From pulling the trigger to watching the animal fall into its back, it was very surreal.
01:26:21.000 Wow.
01:26:21.000 To, you know, ending its life, you know, to cutting it open and to eating it.
01:26:27.000 It's pretty fucking intense, man.
01:26:29.000 And I think that's the most honest way to get food.
01:26:32.000 I really do.
01:26:33.000 I think that's the most honest way to get meat.
01:26:35.000 I'm not...
01:26:36.000 I can't say that...
01:26:36.000 I mean, I'm not in a position where I could eat all my meat like that.
01:26:40.000 Yeah.
01:26:40.000 But I think that's the right way to do it.
01:26:42.000 I think if I didn't have this kind of traveling stand-up comedy schedule...
01:26:46.000 If I was able to live in one place for long periods of time, I would do that.
01:26:50.000 I would get all my meat from game.
01:26:52.000 I think if you want to choose to eat meat, that's the most honest way to do it.
01:26:56.000 Not saying there's anything wrong with having a steak.
01:26:58.000 I wonder if farmers come to the big city and be like, dude, you can just find meat at the supermarket.
01:27:05.000 It's just so much better.
01:27:07.000 Why are we fooling ourselves?
01:27:08.000 We're doing this and this.
01:27:10.000 It's the most honest way to get your meat.
01:27:12.000 I think there's something about farming much like something about hunting.
01:27:18.000 I think there's something primal about it.
01:27:20.000 I do like picking something off a tree or bush and eating it right there.
01:27:23.000 I like growing it.
01:27:25.000 I've been growing things lately, man.
01:27:26.000 There's something cool to that.
01:27:28.000 We went to Underwood Farms.
01:27:30.000 They have this big farm where you can pick out your own food.
01:27:33.000 You can go and pick out your own pumpkins for Halloween.
01:27:36.000 You can pick out all kinds of different things that they grow there and then you bring it back and you pay for it.
01:27:40.000 I looked and I'm like, how difficult would this be to do?
01:27:43.000 Because it seems like a really smart thing to do.
01:27:45.000 To have a bunch of food growing in your yard.
01:27:47.000 It's so fresh.
01:27:48.000 To have a place.
01:27:49.000 What if we had Death Squad Farms where we all grew our food.
01:27:54.000 Like hire someone to run a farm, buy a piece of land, set up an irrigation system, and that way we know where all our kale comes from, all our strawberries come from.
01:28:02.000 That seems like that would be attainable.
01:28:05.000 This is obviously step one on the way to the cult compound slash farm.
01:28:10.000 But we'll start with a farm, because nobody can argue with the farm.
01:28:13.000 If you start with a cult, then all of a sudden they're like, hey man, you guys just can't go all culty on us.
01:28:19.000 But if you start off with a farm, I'm like, listen man, I'm just into making tomatoes.
01:28:23.000 How long?
01:28:24.000 And then how many years before somebody's like, so take up arms?
01:28:28.000 Yeah, pretty quickly.
01:28:29.000 I think right away.
01:28:30.000 As soon as you start killing deers, then people are like, we need guns to kill deer.
01:28:35.000 That would be the shit.
01:28:36.000 If you could grow your own food and live off of wild game and vegetables that you grow, that is a very close to nature way to live.
01:28:46.000 The argument against killing animals, obviously, is they're beautiful, and why would you do that, and this and that, but the bottom line is you need to maintain populations, because if humans don't maintain the population, then we have to give up our spot as the number one predator and bring somebody else in to do it.
01:29:02.000 We've decided we would rather kill a deer than have to worry about hitting one with our cars.
01:29:08.000 And worry about all the different predators that will grow in size and number if you are not killing those deer.
01:29:15.000 Oh, yeah, because then they have more food.
01:29:17.000 So it goes on from there.
01:29:19.000 Yeah, that's...
01:29:19.000 Well, look, a lot of folks don't realize that wolves were a real problem in this world at one point in time.
01:29:25.000 It seems so strange to say, but like Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood and all that shit, where all those stories come from...
01:29:34.000 At one point in time, wolves used to kill people.
01:29:36.000 It was normal.
01:29:37.000 In France...
01:29:39.000 I've got to pull this up because I saw this.
01:29:41.000 I just want to make sure that I quote this correctly because it's crazy.
01:29:46.000 Does the wolf grow up really big?
01:29:48.000 Yeah, wolves killed like 40 people in the 1400s in France, in Paris.
01:29:54.000 40 fucking people.
01:29:56.000 Yeah, the wolves of Paris.
01:29:57.000 That'd be such a horrible way to die.
01:29:59.000 Dude, are you kidding?
01:30:01.000 This is wolf ripping you apart.
01:30:03.000 The Wolves of Paris.
01:30:04.000 Oh, like Walking Dead.
01:30:05.000 In 1450, the animals entered into the city during the winter through breaches in the walls.
01:30:11.000 They put walls up to keep them out.
01:30:13.000 Wait, what year?
01:30:15.000 1450. A wolf named Cortade or Bobtail was the leader of the pack, and reports of the animal being reddish in color may be indicative of a Liberian wolf perhaps having migrated from the Pyrenees?
01:30:29.000 Eventually the wolves were killed when the Parisians, furious at the death, lured Cortade Wow.
01:30:46.000 Nice.
01:30:47.000 death in front of the cathedral.
01:30:48.000 They cornered the wolves.
01:30:50.000 People were literally fighting for their lives against wolves.
01:30:52.000 Wow.
01:30:53.000 Do you know how horrifying that must have been?
01:30:55.000 That's where the werewolf, the myth of werewolves come from.
01:30:59.000 Just some real wolves.
01:31:00.000 Comes from real wolves and wolves being smart as shit.
01:31:03.000 They're so smart, they seem like they're people.
01:31:05.000 They hunt in packs and they have the alphas and the betas.
01:31:08.000 They have a system.
01:31:10.000 Powerful wind.
01:31:11.000 Solar system.
01:31:12.000 What's that?
01:31:13.000 They could blow houses down.
01:31:15.000 Oh, in the old days.
01:31:16.000 Yeah, in the old days.
01:31:17.000 Before they started smoking.
01:31:18.000 They got into cool menthols and they just fucking ruined their huff and puff.
01:31:23.000 They could put on old ladies clothing too and try to fool little girls.
01:31:27.000 Yeah, they could talk English back in the day.
01:31:32.000 So that's what always scares me about camping.
01:31:34.000 What if one of those things comes up at my tent?
01:31:38.000 Well, it's a problem when you're not armed, and it's a problem there's not that many of you.
01:31:41.000 You know, when we were with the Meat Eater crew, it was one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
01:31:51.000 It was like, all together, I believe there was nine of us.
01:31:54.000 Yeah.
01:31:55.000 So there was quite a few people.
01:31:57.000 But if three of those big wolves, just in the middle of the night, just started...
01:32:00.000 Oh, yeah.
01:32:01.000 It could be a problem.
01:32:02.000 Like how long until the first person wakes up, gets his gun out.
01:32:04.000 Yeah, well that's the movie The Grey.
01:32:06.000 Did you see The Grey?
01:32:06.000 Yeah, but that's what I understand about The Grey.
01:32:08.000 They always count them one by one.
01:32:10.000 It's like, just kill everyone.
01:32:11.000 The wolves?
01:32:12.000 Twelve of you wolves.
01:32:13.000 These guys can't do shit.
01:32:14.000 That's probably the only realistic thing about the movie.
01:32:16.000 They did it one at a time.
01:32:17.000 They're sneaky.
01:32:18.000 Yeah, wolves are smart, man.
01:32:19.000 They take their time on you.
01:32:20.000 But when they are all walking towards the trees and the one guy fell back a little bit and they all went nuts on him.
01:32:24.000 Yeah.
01:32:25.000 And they all came and was like, hey.
01:32:27.000 They just could have turned on the rest of them.
01:32:28.000 Yeah, but they might not have.
01:32:32.000 Wolves are very clever, man.
01:32:34.000 That might be a realistic part of the movie, that they saw the people running back with guns, that they would run away.
01:32:38.000 Dude, we heard those wolves kill a skunk when I was camping.
01:32:41.000 Yeah.
01:32:42.000 The yell they let out.
01:32:43.000 It's just so amazing.
01:32:45.000 They all just start howling like, we've done it.
01:32:48.000 Where I was, you didn't have to worry about wolves.
01:32:50.000 We didn't even hear them.
01:32:51.000 But they do have them in Idaho.
01:32:53.000 It's not that far away.
01:32:54.000 They reintroduced them to the United States.
01:32:57.000 In Idaho?
01:32:58.000 Yeah.
01:32:58.000 Why?
01:32:59.000 Because they were worried about the ecosystem.
01:33:02.000 They wanted to bring it back.
01:33:03.000 They wanted to reintroduce the predators.
01:33:05.000 It's really interesting because it's having a devastating effect on the game.
01:33:08.000 But it's also to keep the game populations in order.
01:33:11.000 Now they're forced to have wolf hunts.
01:33:14.000 Because the wolves don't have any predators.
01:33:16.000 And the wolves used to have the predator, and the predator was us.
01:33:18.000 So now people are hunting wolves.
01:33:20.000 And now, of course, there's a lot of people that are upset that people are hunting wolves.
01:33:23.000 And I used to agree with that.
01:33:24.000 I used to say, wow, you can't hunt fucking wolves.
01:33:27.000 That's fucked up.
01:33:28.000 Why?
01:33:29.000 Because I think there's something majestic about a wolf.
01:33:31.000 And there's something where you're not going to eat them.
01:33:33.000 And people were like, why would you be able to hunt wolves?
01:33:36.000 Oh, because you can't eat them.
01:33:37.000 Yeah, but now as I get older, I understand.
01:33:39.000 You have to hunt them to keep the populations in control.
01:33:41.000 Because if you don't, then they start going after livestock.
01:33:44.000 And they will go after people.
01:33:45.000 A woman got killed by a wolf this year in Alaska.
01:33:48.000 Yeah, if there's more wolves, so then there becomes less food for all of them to grow around, then as those wolves die out, they get crazy at the end.
01:33:55.000 And that's when it becomes, look, if you have an overpopulation problem of wolves and they don't have enough food, that becomes a real fucking problem.
01:34:02.000 That's when there's plenty of problems, that's when the population grow, that's all fine.
01:34:04.000 Yeah, so when everyone's looking at these wolves right now and saying like, oh, I think it sucks that people are going to hunt wolves, like...
01:34:10.000 They have to hunt them now.
01:34:12.000 If you don't hunt them now, we're going to get to a situation where it's going to be a problem.
01:34:16.000 And the last problem you want is a fucking wolf problem.
01:34:19.000 Imagine wolves start just jacking people again on a regular basis.
01:34:22.000 And we'll think how fucking stupid we were to let ourselves get to a situation where we built the murderer population back then.
01:34:29.000 The people murderers.
01:34:30.000 Imagine if I was walking down the street on Pasadena, just a wolf.
01:34:33.000 I'd be like, don't go outside for all night.
01:34:35.000 Packs of them.
01:34:36.000 Snarling, eating babies.
01:34:38.000 Yeah, we just have bears here in Pasadena.
01:34:40.000 They do.
01:34:40.000 That bear that keeps on coming down from the woods and is going to people's swimming pools.
01:34:44.000 Yeah, with its babies.
01:34:46.000 It's come down with its babies before.
01:34:47.000 They've even had, in Altadena, they had mountain lions chilling in this lady's driveway.
01:34:51.000 They had one in Santa Monica.
01:34:53.000 Yeah, they had to shoot it.
01:34:54.000 They had to kill it.
01:34:54.000 Yeah, that was a big one, too, man.
01:34:56.000 Yeah, it was a big-ass fucking 200-pounder.
01:34:58.000 It's like, hey, we made an agreement.
01:34:59.000 Stay over there, and we stay over here.
01:35:02.000 Dude, how big?
01:35:04.000 I'm saying 200 pounds.
01:35:05.000 I think that's how big it was.
01:35:06.000 That's what I remember.
01:35:07.000 How big is your big dog?
01:35:09.000 Like 90 pounds?
01:35:10.000 With Johnny?
01:35:11.000 Johnny is 140. So he's way bigger than that.
01:35:14.000 Yeah.
01:35:14.000 Jesus.
01:35:15.000 Oh my god.
01:35:16.000 Is that true?
01:35:17.000 Is it really 200 pounds?
01:35:18.000 I know they get that big.
01:35:19.000 Was there any moment right before you pulled the trigger?
01:35:22.000 Were you just zoned in?
01:35:24.000 Or were you like, let me think about what I'm about to do right now?
01:35:26.000 No, no, no.
01:35:26.000 I didn't think that.
01:35:27.000 I just wanted to make sure that I got the right shot.
01:35:29.000 It's hard.
01:35:29.000 200 yards is a really far distance to shoot.
01:35:33.000 That's why I tried to get the bullet to go through his heart.
01:35:36.000 It didn't go through his heart.
01:35:37.000 It landed right above the heart.
01:35:38.000 A couple inches above the heart is where the spine is.
01:35:40.000 That's where it hit him and dropped him.
01:35:44.000 Why do they tell you not to go with a head?
01:35:46.000 Because it's harder to hit.
01:35:47.000 Mountain Lion killed in Santa Monica is probably seeking a home.
01:35:51.000 Oh, poor baby.
01:35:53.000 You think?
01:35:54.000 It's probably just seeking a home.
01:35:58.000 Yeah.
01:36:00.000 How big is it?
01:36:01.000 Come on, you fucks.
01:36:04.000 While you're waiting for Joe to look at that information, go buy Revenge for the Holocaust.
01:36:08.000 My new CD on iTunes and Amazon and CD Baby.
01:36:11.000 Powerful are we, Shafi?
01:36:12.000 That was really weird that you called me Pokemon earlier and you had no idea that I had Pokemon in my car, Joe.
01:36:18.000 Maybe I did know.
01:36:19.000 Maybe I knew you, silly bitch.
01:36:20.000 How would you know?
01:36:21.000 I never talked about it.
01:36:21.000 Brian, I'm tuned into the universe.
01:36:23.000 I'm a hunter now.
01:36:24.000 Why do you have a Pokemon costume?
01:36:25.000 I'm connected to the spirit of the wild.
01:36:27.000 Brain scanning me, man.
01:36:29.000 Why do you...
01:36:31.000 Yeah.
01:36:32.000 That is really fucking weird, though, because I don't think I've told you.
01:36:35.000 Dude, I'm a fucking brain scanner.
01:36:37.000 Because it's Pokemon!
01:36:39.000 Yeah, but we've never talked Pokemon ever.
01:36:40.000 I've never talked Pokemon ever.
01:36:42.000 But if any one of us would have a Pokemon outfit, you would be the winner of that gamble.
01:36:47.000 That's weird.
01:36:48.000 The Christians would say this is a sign from God.
01:36:50.000 I put it in my car on the way here.
01:36:51.000 I just got it this morning.
01:36:52.000 Brian, I don't know if you know this, but I know that you're a silly bitch.
01:36:55.000 You're stalking me.
01:36:56.000 You're hunting me, aren't you?
01:36:58.000 I know, you're a silly bitch.
01:36:59.000 Wait, why do you have a Pokemon costume?
01:37:02.000 I understand silly bitches.
01:37:03.000 Oh, it's Halloween's coming up.
01:37:04.000 Yeah.
01:37:05.000 Fucking Halloween.
01:37:06.000 I hate it so much.
01:37:07.000 Word.
01:37:08.000 It's so much pressure.
01:37:10.000 I got a gorilla outfit, but it was way too hot.
01:37:12.000 I don't see how anyone could wear a gorilla outfit.
01:37:13.000 Why is it pressure, Ari?
01:37:14.000 You're so negative and angry.
01:37:15.000 You gotta put something on, and it's like if you don't, then it becomes like, oh, you didn't do it.
01:37:19.000 Just get one of these.
01:37:21.000 If you do, you gotta explain it.
01:37:22.000 I just wanna, oh, come on.
01:37:24.000 Ari, this is like pajamas.
01:37:25.000 It feels just, it's so soft.
01:37:27.000 You just put it on, it just feels like you're wearing pajamas.
01:37:28.000 You should wear that everywhere you go, just so people know what your real personality is like.
01:37:31.000 It'll be like Minnie Dean everywhere.
01:37:33.000 Why fuck around, man?
01:37:33.000 Just wear that everywhere.
01:37:35.000 That would actually be cool if we never addressed it, if you wore that at every podcast.
01:37:38.000 If that was my part.
01:37:39.000 That's where you went.
01:37:40.000 Yeah, why not, man?
01:37:40.000 Okay.
01:37:41.000 It smells so bad.
01:37:42.000 It's cool.
01:37:42.000 I like it.
01:37:42.000 It covers up your headphones.
01:37:44.000 It makes you look mysterious back there.
01:37:46.000 You look like that DJ. Who?
01:37:49.000 Deadmau5?
01:37:50.000 Deadmau5.
01:37:51.000 You're Pokemau5.
01:37:53.000 Have you seen Deadmau5's and Kat Von D's Twitter lately, by the way?
01:37:57.000 No.
01:37:57.000 Every single tweet is, I love you.
01:37:59.000 No, I love you.
01:38:00.000 I love you.
01:38:00.000 They're in love, man.
01:38:01.000 It's so silly.
01:38:02.000 Are they dating?
01:38:02.000 He makes good music.
01:38:03.000 They live together now.
01:38:04.000 She's hot as fuck.
01:38:05.000 God, it's the worst when people fall in love and they feel like we've got to make it public as possible.
01:38:09.000 Aww.
01:38:09.000 Oh, someone's a hater.
01:38:10.000 Everybody does it.
01:38:11.000 It's so like, dude, nobody cares.
01:38:13.000 It's worse than eating babies and shitting in people's mouths while they're sleeping.
01:38:16.000 It's the worst.
01:38:18.000 The worst, Ari.
01:38:19.000 The worst.
01:38:21.000 The worst thing ever, ever, ever, ever.
01:38:24.000 I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
01:38:24.000 It's just so annoying.
01:38:26.000 It's just like, we get it.
01:38:27.000 We're all bored with you now.
01:38:28.000 Can't you just let them be in their glory?
01:38:30.000 For what?
01:38:30.000 For like a month?
01:38:31.000 They have to keep hearing about it, seeing a post about it?
01:38:34.000 Look, he's so negative.
01:38:34.000 It's not funny.
01:38:36.000 He's so negative.
01:38:37.000 What if they were tweeting on an airplane and they put their seats back and you were sitting behind them and they were tweeting?
01:38:42.000 And they were tweeting.
01:38:43.000 Oh, that would be the worst, too.
01:38:46.000 That's the worst?
01:38:47.000 What is the worst?
01:38:47.000 The Holocaust?
01:38:48.000 Is the Holocaust the worst?
01:38:49.000 No, none of that is the worst.
01:38:50.000 He gets pissed.
01:38:51.000 I had to sit in front of him the other day.
01:38:52.000 Anyone who leans their seat back all the way is just saying, I don't respect the person's...
01:38:56.000 Boundaries in any way behind me are their feelings that I may be crushing their legs.
01:39:00.000 No, they're saying, I would like my seat to go back.
01:39:02.000 Yeah, and I don't care about what anyone else is doing.
01:39:05.000 That doesn't get your legs out of the way.
01:39:06.000 It still crushes them.
01:39:07.000 Everybody's seat has a little button.
01:39:09.000 So what?
01:39:10.000 That's what you're allowed to do.
01:39:11.000 So then you're allowed to go back as far as they let you?
01:39:13.000 Exactly.
01:39:13.000 And what if they let you go a little further back?
01:39:15.000 Would you go a little further back?
01:39:16.000 As long as that was what was agreed to.
01:39:18.000 And what if they let you go all the way back to where you're lying on somebody's lap?
01:39:20.000 Would you do that?
01:39:21.000 Or would you use your own mind to say that somebody's sitting back there?
01:39:24.000 You need some yoga and some Vicodin.
01:39:27.000 I would never do that to someone.
01:39:28.000 I would never smash their fucking legs with my chair.
01:39:31.000 You're acting like it's a violent act.
01:39:32.000 It is violent.
01:39:33.000 So you don't feel like you want to...
01:39:36.000 What?
01:39:36.000 You don't feel like you want to put your seat back at a point?
01:39:38.000 I'm sure I do.
01:39:39.000 I am so uncomfortable, especially being a tall gentleman.
01:39:41.000 Yes, I do.
01:39:41.000 But I don't put it back because someone is sitting back there.
01:39:44.000 No, but they're designed for that.
01:39:45.000 Who cares how far they're designed?
01:39:47.000 It's annoying.
01:39:47.000 You can't type in your computer if somebody leans back.
01:39:50.000 You need to get rich enough to get a private chat.
01:39:52.000 You can't ever look at your laptop when somebody's leaning back in front of you.
01:39:55.000 He's talking about coach, Joe.
01:39:56.000 He's talking about coach.
01:39:57.000 I forget.
01:40:00.000 It just shows a lack of caring about other humans.
01:40:03.000 No, it doesn't, Ari.
01:40:04.000 Yes, it does.
01:40:04.000 It shows you want to lean your seat back.
01:40:06.000 Yes, I know.
01:40:07.000 That's the desire.
01:40:08.000 That's the reason you're doing it.
01:40:09.000 But everyone does it.
01:40:10.000 It's not a reason to do anything!
01:40:11.000 It is, because it's a comfort thing.
01:40:13.000 Because everyone does it.
01:40:14.000 And it's an agreement.
01:40:15.000 Yours leans back, mine leans back.
01:40:16.000 If you know you're less comfortable when somebody's smashing into your legs, then do it to someone else.
01:40:21.000 It's a horrible act.
01:40:22.000 It's a horrible, selfish act.
01:40:24.000 No, it's not.
01:40:25.000 Yes, it is.
01:40:26.000 You know how bad it is.
01:40:27.000 You have to deal...
01:40:28.000 If you were a one-year-old whose legs didn't go off the chair, I could see it because he wouldn't know what it felt like to someone to go back on him.
01:40:33.000 When you're not able to use your computer at all...
01:40:35.000 You are a very tall guy and your legs get in the way when someone tries to lean their seat back.
01:40:40.000 If you're crossing your legs, you can't fit.
01:40:41.000 However, me and Brian are stubby and we fit in fine.
01:40:44.000 So it's a completely different situation.
01:40:46.000 You also are like...
01:40:48.000 That's like a version of it being like a big giant fat guy that doesn't fit in a seat.
01:40:52.000 I actually kind of like it when I'm laying back and the ones in front of me is laying back.
01:40:56.000 It's like a little SkyMall blanket.
01:40:58.000 I feel more protected like no one's going to rack me in the balls.
01:41:01.000 Oh, SkyMall blanket.
01:41:02.000 You guys are selfish.
01:41:04.000 Selfish?
01:41:04.000 Both selfish.
01:41:05.000 That's interesting.
01:41:06.000 I don't see it that way.
01:41:07.000 Really?
01:41:07.000 Causing someone pain and saying I choose not to think about it is not selfish?
01:41:10.000 It doesn't cause me pain, man.
01:41:12.000 No, it causes someone else pain.
01:41:13.000 Someone in front of me cleans back.
01:41:14.000 You haven't sat in coach in 12 years.
01:41:15.000 Someone in front of me sat in coach this weekend.
01:41:17.000 Yeah, but hey, it's the worst.
01:41:19.000 If you have your thing out and you're on your computer, you can't be on your computer anymore.
01:41:24.000 It's too far back.
01:41:25.000 Yeah, you can't.
01:41:25.000 That's it.
01:41:26.000 So, that's annoying, but you'll still inflict that on someone else for the joy of leaning a little.
01:41:31.000 If you want to, you can do that.
01:41:33.000 Yeah, you're allowed.
01:41:33.000 The law allows it.
01:41:35.000 This is why government doesn't work, because everyone's corruptible.
01:41:38.000 You're not there to be on your computer.
01:41:39.000 You're not there to do anything!
01:41:40.000 You're not there to lean back!
01:41:41.000 You're there to sit in your seat and travel.
01:41:43.000 You're there to get somewhere.
01:41:44.000 You know who's fault it is?
01:41:46.000 It's the airline's fault, not me for leaning my seat back.
01:41:50.000 No, because humans can't be trusted to think about others.
01:41:54.000 Honestly, if they let you go as far back as you wanted, all the way back, a bunch of you motherfuckers would keep doing it.
01:41:59.000 They would.
01:42:01.000 They would.
01:42:02.000 They were like, I don't know, it goes there, so I'm just gonna do it.
01:42:04.000 And then more people would get ahead, because girls just would not be able to help themselves.
01:42:07.000 It'd be dicks right next to their face.
01:42:09.000 It's an asshole move.
01:42:10.000 We don't know what's happening.
01:42:11.000 I agree.
01:42:11.000 Oh, Ari, you're really exaggerating here.
01:42:13.000 I'm not.
01:42:14.000 Wait till you read.
01:42:15.000 I don't like it.
01:42:15.000 It's selfish.
01:42:16.000 Everyone knows what it does to people, but you do it anyway.
01:42:18.000 It's just a small, selfish act.
01:42:19.000 I don't think it's that selfish.
01:42:21.000 No, you don't.
01:42:22.000 Selfish people never think they're doing anything wrong with people.
01:42:24.000 Oh, selfish people.
01:42:26.000 No.
01:42:26.000 It's just you're a very tall guy, man.
01:42:28.000 It's very different for you than it is for me or Brian.
01:42:30.000 Okay, so do you see if there's a tall guy behind you?
01:42:32.000 Do you look and say, oh, there's a tall guy behind me.
01:42:33.000 I'm not going to do this.
01:42:34.000 You're like a fat person on a plane.
01:42:35.000 You need to understand that you're tall.
01:42:37.000 You need to spend the extra $40, do the business upgrade class or whatever, exit row.
01:42:42.000 And that's what you have to do.
01:42:42.000 If I see a short person behind me, I still don't leave my chair back because I fucking disrupt them.
01:42:46.000 Aw, you're a sweetie.
01:42:47.000 I'm just not selfish in that act.
01:42:49.000 That's you, Ari.
01:42:50.000 I just like the fact that when somebody does lean his seat back, instead of going, ma'am, I'm very tall, blah, blah, blah, blah, he just starts kicking it and hitting it.
01:42:58.000 Well, I think that was before you did mushrooms.
01:43:01.000 That was six years ago.
01:43:03.000 But I still do get very annoyed.
01:43:05.000 He gets annoyed, but he doesn't even respond violently.
01:43:08.000 You don't do that?
01:43:09.000 Sometimes I do this.
01:43:10.000 I say, just so you know, you're going to make things very uncomfortable for me, and I'm going to be in pain.
01:43:15.000 I'm going to have pain in my knee because you lean back.
01:43:17.000 I know you're allowed, but But just know that's what's going to happen to me.
01:43:20.000 Why don't you just ask them?
01:43:21.000 Would you please, would you mind?
01:43:23.000 I have knee operations and I'm all fucked up and gangly.
01:43:26.000 Would you mind just moving your seat up a little bit?
01:43:27.000 I'm 6'3".
01:43:27.000 I'm not that tall.
01:43:29.000 It's not crazy.
01:43:29.000 I'm 5'8".
01:43:30.000 Yeah, you are.
01:43:31.000 That's so tall.
01:43:32.000 You're taller than average.
01:43:34.000 Most people are like me and Joe's size.
01:43:36.000 Yeah, but you know where that difference is?
01:43:37.000 You're just talking about knee to waist.
01:43:39.000 Yeah.
01:43:40.000 That's the only difference in terms of where it affects your seat.
01:43:42.000 What about cock?
01:43:43.000 So those 5 inches?
01:43:45.000 Is your cock getting in the way, buddy?
01:43:46.000 7 inches.
01:43:47.000 My cock does not get in the way.
01:43:49.000 It adds that much more.
01:43:50.000 Frothy loads.
01:43:51.000 Frothy sink loads.
01:43:53.000 Your cock doesn't get crossed up.
01:43:55.000 You can do that weird thing where you can actually fold one leg over the top.
01:43:59.000 My little troll legs don't work that way.
01:44:01.000 I can't fold my leg over the top of my leg.
01:44:04.000 My legs are just fat.
01:44:05.000 Try to do it.
01:44:05.000 I can only wear certain types of pants.
01:44:07.000 Most pants I can't wear.
01:44:09.000 Like Levi's 501s.
01:44:11.000 I can't even get those on.
01:44:12.000 If they fit my waist, they never fit my legs.
01:44:15.000 They get onto my legs and they just lock up halfway.
01:44:18.000 Really?
01:44:18.000 Yeah.
01:44:19.000 Because you have thick thighs?
01:44:20.000 Yeah.
01:44:21.000 Because I feel like a troll.
01:44:24.000 I'm 5'8", 190 pounds.
01:44:26.000 And most of it's in my legs and my ass.
01:44:28.000 5'8", 190?
01:44:29.000 You guys are both 5'8"?
01:44:30.000 Yeah.
01:44:32.000 How much do you weigh?
01:44:33.000 210. Jesus.
01:44:37.000 Men are so different than women.
01:44:39.000 If a girl ever did that to her friend, what do you weigh?
01:44:41.000 210?
01:44:42.000 Jesus!
01:44:43.000 You'd be such an asshole!
01:44:44.000 At the end of the friendship.
01:44:45.000 Isn't it funny?
01:44:46.000 Women are allowed to do that.
01:44:48.000 It's something they're allowed to do.
01:44:50.000 Allowed to do what?
01:44:51.000 Allowed to keep that, you know, like, you're not supposed to talk about how much a girl weighs, or you can't, like, ask her and then, like, get in her face like, you fat fuck!
01:45:00.000 You can't say that.
01:45:01.000 Putting it on the pounds lately, huh?
01:45:02.000 Yeah, you can't say that.
01:45:03.000 You're an asshole if you do.
01:45:05.000 But with guys, like, look at you, you fat fuck.
01:45:07.000 You know why?
01:45:07.000 It's lack of respect.
01:45:08.000 Guys do it all the time.
01:45:08.000 It's lack of respect for women.
01:45:09.000 That's why we don't do it.
01:45:10.000 Because we're like, they can't handle it.
01:45:11.000 No, they're sensitive.
01:45:12.000 They're little babies that we can't fucking trust with real feelings.
01:45:14.000 Well, we have testosterone, man.
01:45:15.000 Testosterone is a ruthless fucking hormone.
01:45:18.000 Speak for yourself.
01:45:19.000 I'm getting there.
01:45:21.000 I'm taking zinc for frothy loads.
01:45:24.000 By the way, Onnit is going to have a testosterone-boosting formula.
01:45:27.000 We found out there's a bunch of things besides zinc and magnesium.
01:45:31.000 There's something called Tongat Ali, and there's a bunch of different herbs that have been shown, and actual real clinical tests to up testosterone when you take them for more than 10 or 11 days.
01:45:40.000 Yeah, Aubrey was saying that he tried the ZMA Max or whatever that zinc thing was, and it just made him shit a lot, like diarrhea.
01:45:47.000 I've never had that problem.
01:45:49.000 He must have got a bad batch, or it was confusing it because he was also doing tequila and meth.
01:45:54.000 It's tough to isolate.
01:45:57.000 I met a dude this weekend who had a stroke from meth.
01:46:00.000 Whoa.
01:46:01.000 Yeah, we went to a bar and this guy came in with his friend.
01:46:05.000 His friend was 25 years old and he had a stroke from doing meth at 23. 23?
01:46:11.000 Yep.
01:46:11.000 That's crazy.
01:46:12.000 Yeah, he's learning to reuse his body again.
01:46:15.000 It's fucking crazy.
01:46:16.000 Oh my gosh.
01:46:17.000 Meth is a motherfucker.
01:46:20.000 Wow.
01:46:21.000 That's one thing you have to deal with in places like Montana.
01:46:26.000 There's a lot of meth problems in those places.
01:46:28.000 I make jokes about pills sometimes, and when I get away from LA or New York, I think, oh, you're not going to get it because you guys don't.
01:46:33.000 And then it hit me, like Indianapolis, Kansas City.
01:46:35.000 I'm like, oh, this is where pills are.
01:46:37.000 This is where meth is.
01:46:38.000 Oh, yeah.
01:46:38.000 Pills are everywhere, man.
01:46:40.000 We live in a really strange world because in the middle of this whole debate on marijuana that keeps going on in the public eye, When you see it on CNN... Pills are everywhere.
01:46:52.000 While this is happening, while this is marijuana and distraction, there are so many pill junkies in this country.
01:46:58.000 Yeah, so much.
01:46:59.000 Monster, monster numbers.
01:47:00.000 And no one's doing shit about it.
01:47:02.000 There's a lot of meth heads in this country, too.
01:47:04.000 A lot.
01:47:04.000 And no one's doing shit about it.
01:47:05.000 And then you see cops...
01:47:07.000 They're just dressing up like high school students and pretended to be high school students trying to get them to sell them weed.
01:47:11.000 Like, really?
01:47:12.000 Why are you not busting the meth labs, you fuck?
01:47:15.000 You're not done.
01:47:17.000 You didn't do your work.
01:47:18.000 You're going to go after high school kids selling weed.
01:47:20.000 High schoolers selling marijuana should be the last thing you have to get there.
01:47:24.000 Exactly.
01:47:24.000 It should be.
01:47:25.000 Even if it's illegal.
01:47:26.000 We've cured all the murder.
01:47:28.000 We've resolved who committed all the murders.
01:47:30.000 We've put everybody in jail.
01:47:32.000 We've cleaned up the streets.
01:47:33.000 We're down to zero crime.
01:47:34.000 Okay, how about high school kids who sell weed?
01:47:36.000 All right, we'll go after that.
01:47:38.000 Get all the other drugs first.
01:47:40.000 We'll have utopia.
01:47:42.000 Look at Ari.
01:47:43.000 I look like I'm the guy in the front.
01:47:45.000 You're so uncomfortable.
01:47:46.000 Putting up a picture that's kind of drawn in the same way as the instructions that are in planes telling you where the exits are, but it's a guy very uncomfortable with the seat in front of him.
01:47:55.000 Getting his knees smashed.
01:47:57.000 You should just jerk off into people's hair.
01:48:00.000 It seems perfect.
01:48:01.000 Just put it in there a little bit.
01:48:05.000 That would be very, very rude.
01:48:07.000 That would be a violation.
01:48:08.000 It is fucking rude, though, how they shove so many goddamn seats onto a plane.
01:48:12.000 I know!
01:48:12.000 It's ridiculous.
01:48:13.000 It's like we're cattle now!
01:48:14.000 Yeah, I mean, it's such not a seat.
01:48:17.000 What's really funny is they tempt you at the airport.
01:48:19.000 At the airport, you get to sit in those seats waiting to get on the plane.
01:48:22.000 And those are great.
01:48:23.000 Those aren't bad.
01:48:24.000 Those are great.
01:48:25.000 And you're like, hey, hey, hey.
01:48:26.000 Okay, obviously you know what size seats should be.
01:48:30.000 Okay?
01:48:31.000 Because you got them everywhere, you fuck.
01:48:32.000 You're teasing me.
01:48:33.000 You're aware.
01:48:34.000 It's not like you have no idea of what size seats should be.
01:48:36.000 Yeah.
01:48:36.000 You got them all over this fucking gate.
01:48:38.000 They're everywhere.
01:48:39.000 And then I get on.
01:48:40.000 You're like, oh, we forgot.
01:48:41.000 We forgot.
01:48:41.000 We forgot what size it is.
01:48:43.000 We're going to make them half that size, right?
01:48:44.000 That's okay.
01:48:45.000 No, it's not okay, asshole.
01:48:46.000 Yeah.
01:48:47.000 Callan and I were sitting next to each other, and I'm not a big guy, man.
01:48:50.000 But I'm touching the airplane on my left side and touching him on my right side.
01:48:55.000 Can't we do three rows of two instead of two rows of three?
01:48:57.000 That's exactly what it should be.
01:48:59.000 Yeah.
01:48:59.000 Just make it tighter to get it round.
01:49:01.000 It should be rows of two, and it should be more space in between the rows.
01:49:05.000 I guess you have to pay a little bit more for that.
01:49:09.000 People don't want to do that, but man, I just feel like the way they're doing it now, it's so cattle-like.
01:49:15.000 It should be beds, like bunk bed style.
01:49:17.000 It should be people on top of people, so you're kind of laying down.
01:49:21.000 In a bunk bed.
01:49:22.000 That wouldn't be bad.
01:49:23.000 Old people couldn't do it.
01:49:24.000 No, old people would be on the bottom.
01:49:25.000 Some old people can barely stand up.
01:49:28.000 Old people have the seats.
01:49:29.000 You can't crawl out.
01:49:30.000 Just have a bunch of beds in the back.
01:49:32.000 People would start fucking too.
01:49:34.000 That's not a problem.
01:49:36.000 That's living your life.
01:49:39.000 There should be a lot of stuff in your sky cabin.
01:49:41.000 You say that, Ari, because you're what's called a pervert.
01:49:43.000 You're what's called a young delinquent running around out there with no responsibility trying to fuck on airplanes, okay?
01:49:50.000 But that's not good for society.
01:49:51.000 I've never fucked on an airplane.
01:49:52.000 Have you fucked on an airplane?
01:49:52.000 I've jerked off on airplanes.
01:49:56.000 Has anyone not jerked off on an airplane?
01:49:58.000 If you are, how dare you?
01:50:00.000 You need to take some more chances in your life.
01:50:03.000 Yeah.
01:50:05.000 I just think that you can't give people too many opportunities to fuck.
01:50:09.000 They would just never get any work done.
01:50:10.000 We'd never have iPads if people would just fuck whenever they wanted to.
01:50:14.000 Yeah, it would suck, man.
01:50:15.000 What if they talked really loud?
01:50:17.000 Oh, yeah, baby, put it in my shitter.
01:50:20.000 Like, hey, I'm trying to read.
01:50:22.000 Yeah, you whore.
01:50:23.000 You fucking whore, bitch.
01:50:25.000 You like this?
01:50:26.000 You guys are going to make me jerk off.
01:50:28.000 Okay, I'm going to jerk off.
01:50:30.000 Mind your own business, man.
01:50:31.000 They fucked their heads up.
01:50:32.000 Don't jerk off on me, bro.
01:50:33.000 Take a picture.
01:50:34.000 Listen, man.
01:50:34.000 My loads don't shoot that far.
01:50:36.000 I'm aiming towards you.
01:50:37.000 It won't reach you.
01:50:38.000 Trust me.
01:50:39.000 Take a video.
01:50:39.000 You got no Wi-Fi.
01:50:40.000 Can you imagine you just jerking off straight at the guy?
01:50:43.000 He's like three feet away.
01:50:44.000 You're like, don't worry, dude.
01:50:45.000 I'll never hit.
01:50:46.000 And then just by some crazy streak, you wind to hit the longest jizz shot ever.
01:50:53.000 It's almost like you manifested it with the secret.
01:50:57.000 My friend Josh made this bet with us that if he laid on a table, he could jerk off and hit the ceiling.
01:51:01.000 Lower ceiling than this.
01:51:02.000 He's like, I'll bet you all right now.
01:51:03.000 And we're like, literally, none of us want to watch you do that.
01:51:07.000 Wow, that's a guy.
01:51:08.000 I believe you.
01:51:08.000 I was just hoping.
01:51:09.000 Oh, gosh, this isn't going to work.
01:51:10.000 Come on, suck my cock.
01:51:11.000 Who wants in?
01:51:12.000 That is it.
01:51:13.000 He just wanted a bunch of guys to watch him jerk off.
01:51:15.000 Think of that.
01:51:15.000 It was high school.
01:51:16.000 Of course, that guy's queer as fuck.
01:51:18.000 Of course.
01:51:18.000 He would have just come and dripped out.
01:51:21.000 Cut to that guy right now.
01:51:24.000 They're roasting him like a pig over a hole.
01:51:27.000 One guy's got one in his ass, one guy's got one in his dick, and they got him hogtied.
01:51:31.000 They're just spinning him.
01:51:34.000 Spinning him butt and mouth.
01:51:35.000 And he's like, this is so much better than high school.
01:51:37.000 Wouldn't even watch me jerk off there.
01:51:40.000 Yeah.
01:51:40.000 That guy's gay as fuck.
01:51:42.000 I didn't even think about that.
01:51:43.000 He's on a rotisserie right now, spinning around cocks.
01:51:48.000 Why don't people jizz on the sides and glaze them up?
01:51:53.000 Can you imagine?
01:51:55.000 Everything back to scenarios that were gay before you knew what gay was or were aware that it actually could be around.
01:52:01.000 I knew what gay was really young.
01:52:03.000 Oh, really?
01:52:04.000 Yeah, I moved to San Francisco when my family did when I was seven.
01:52:07.000 And our next door neighbors were gay and my aunt used to go next door and smoke weed with them and get naked with them.
01:52:13.000 What?
01:52:14.000 Yeah, because they were gay.
01:52:15.000 They didn't want to have nothing to do with her.
01:52:16.000 So they would all take off all their clothes.
01:52:19.000 They would get high together and they would all play bongos.
01:52:21.000 And I was like seven.
01:52:23.000 And I remember they were really friendly.
01:52:25.000 They weren't creepy at all.
01:52:26.000 They were very nice.
01:52:27.000 They were very nice neighbors.
01:52:28.000 Yeah, they were very nice people.
01:52:29.000 That's cool.
01:52:30.000 And so my earliest encounters with gay people was very positive.
01:52:36.000 It was like our neighbors were gay.
01:52:37.000 Really nice guys.
01:52:38.000 The whole neighborhood was gay.
01:52:39.000 Oh yeah, nobody's a big deal.
01:52:41.000 Yeah.
01:52:41.000 San Francisco was really fucking gay in the 70s.
01:52:44.000 It's interesting how there's like places that...
01:52:47.000 Well, I was Asian back then too.
01:52:48.000 There was always a lot of Asians.
01:52:51.000 It's interesting how places back then...
01:52:54.000 There's places that are just decidedly gay.
01:52:58.000 This is the gay area.
01:52:59.000 Like Santa Monica.
01:53:00.000 Here's the gay area.
01:53:01.000 This is Santa Monica Boulevard.
01:53:02.000 This is West Hollywood.
01:53:03.000 This is the gay area.
01:53:04.000 My friend called it Mecca.
01:53:05.000 Yeah.
01:53:06.000 Oh, yeah, sure.
01:53:07.000 For gay dudes.
01:53:07.000 Mecca.
01:53:08.000 Awesome.
01:53:09.000 Gay dudes, man.
01:53:10.000 I'm telling you, besides the persecution and the fact that people don't want them to get married, they have the fucking life.
01:53:16.000 Dude.
01:53:16.000 If they really enjoy being gay...
01:53:18.000 I'll take a walk with you one day, down near my place.
01:53:21.000 No, you won't.
01:53:21.000 I'll be in my car, windows rolled up, sunglasses on.
01:53:24.000 You walk by these places.
01:53:26.000 Raccoon hat on.
01:53:28.000 Daniel Boone hat on.
01:53:30.000 Fake mustache.
01:53:32.000 They all sit there and they get wings during the day and stuff and eat and drink and talk.
01:53:37.000 And they're all just smiling and happy.
01:53:39.000 And it's like...
01:53:40.000 You're all just around pussy all day long.
01:53:42.000 You're just in a good mood.
01:53:44.000 They have good jobs.
01:53:46.000 Everyone pays their own way.
01:53:49.000 Some women get turned on by guys that are fucked up and perverted and aggressive.
01:53:54.000 They get turned on by...
01:53:59.000 Just manly shit, like manly, violent sort of behavior.
01:54:02.000 Some do too.
01:54:02.000 But some women don't.
01:54:04.000 One thing is the women will never totally understand it because they're not a woman.
01:54:07.000 Just like a man's never going to totally understand what it's like to be pregnant, will never be able to wrap your head around wanting a baby to grow inside you, or wanting a dick in your mouth or in your pussy.
01:54:18.000 You're not going to be able to wrap your head around that.
01:54:19.000 You're not a woman.
01:54:21.000 And I think what gay guys have going for them is they're fucking men.
01:54:25.000 They understand what it's like to be a man.
01:54:27.000 There's no confusion.
01:54:28.000 They're turned on by men and they are men.
01:54:30.000 So it's like everybody knows what the fuck is up.
01:54:33.000 Whereas it's not like this charade that you have to play when you're trying to get a girl to like you.
01:54:38.000 You're going to have to ask for like a BJ or something and hint at it.
01:54:42.000 If that was a man there, he'd be like, oh, you're drunk.
01:54:45.000 Let me blow you and get you to bed.
01:54:46.000 Yeah.
01:54:47.000 Yeah.
01:54:47.000 Yeah, well, unless he was a greedy bitch.
01:54:49.000 He didn't want to blow you.
01:54:51.000 He just wanted you to blow him all the time.
01:54:53.000 Apparently, that happens in a lot of gay relationships.
01:54:55.000 There's this weird master-slave sort of thing.
01:54:59.000 This right here, too, it's mostly not butt-fucking.
01:55:02.000 It's almost all oral on handjobs.
01:55:06.000 Handjobs?
01:55:06.000 How dare you?
01:55:07.000 How horny are you?
01:55:10.000 How dare they?
01:55:11.000 Handjobs also means inserting stuff into your asshole as they fucking jerk you off.
01:55:14.000 Oh, well now you're talking a party.
01:55:16.000 I mean, yeah.
01:55:17.000 That's like one of those freeze-dried foods once you add the hot water.
01:55:20.000 Woo!
01:55:21.000 It all pops out.
01:55:22.000 Yeah, let the party begin.
01:55:23.000 Beautiful, like the fucking Peter Pan.
01:55:26.000 What was it where you add water to it?
01:55:27.000 What movie was that?
01:55:28.000 It was some fantastical movie.
01:55:30.000 It's interesting that people have a problem with gay people.
01:55:34.000 It's interesting that people, I think they worry about gay people being pedophiles.
01:55:39.000 There's a big difference between being a pedophile and being gay.
01:55:42.000 And there's a lot of gay people that have nothing to do with young guys.
01:55:45.000 In fact, one of Brian Cowan's friends was a gay guy, and he was attracted to guys like John McCain's age.
01:55:51.000 He was attracted to older businessmen.
01:55:53.000 My friend Rachel's into girls that are older.
01:55:55.000 She was like, yeah, I'm dating this 52-year-old now.
01:55:57.000 I was like, ew, Rachel!
01:55:59.000 52?
01:55:59.000 Ew!
01:56:00.000 But then I realized the 52-year-old is just getting a younger chick.
01:56:03.000 Yeah.
01:56:04.000 Maybe she likes it because she takes care of her or something.
01:56:07.000 I was like, is it all saggy and shit?
01:56:09.000 She goes, Ari, shut up.
01:56:10.000 I'm like, is it?
01:56:11.000 It is!
01:56:12.000 It's just wrinkly gray skin.
01:56:14.000 She just slaps it on her face like a dead octopus.
01:56:18.000 Slaps it on her face like a dead octopus.
01:56:19.000 Slaps it on her lips, over your ears.
01:56:22.000 All she does is stick her tongue out unenthusiastically and the big lesbian just grinds her clit on her tongue.
01:56:28.000 Just keep her tongue out.
01:56:32.000 That face-hugger pussy just rubs up and down her tongue.
01:56:36.000 She doesn't really lick the pussy as much as she just sits there with her tongue out.
01:56:39.000 And this look on her face.
01:56:42.000 He's like this.
01:56:45.000 This big, fucking, giant, floppy, face-hugger pussy.
01:56:53.000 Fucking right there.
01:56:54.000 Fucking right there, you bitch.
01:56:55.000 Oh, keep your tongue out.
01:56:56.000 Keep your tongue out.
01:56:57.000 I'm getting thirsty.
01:56:58.000 I'm almost done.
01:56:59.000 I'm almost done.
01:57:01.000 Get thirsty.
01:57:03.000 Imagine someone's complaining.
01:57:05.000 Like, you don't know.
01:57:06.000 When you complain about getting thirsty, she starts from scratch, you fucking selfish cunt.
01:57:10.000 Just keep your tongue out there and shut the fuck up.
01:57:12.000 Do you want to drive a Range Rover?
01:57:14.000 You do, okay?
01:57:15.000 Well, this woman's going to get you a Range Rover.
01:57:17.000 But you've got to keep your tongue out.
01:57:20.000 It's a good deal.
01:57:21.000 It's a small price to pay for a Range Rover.
01:57:24.000 It works off-road.
01:57:25.000 Get you a Range Rover, you fucking bitch.
01:57:27.000 Get you a fucking Range Rover.
01:57:30.000 The aggressive female gay type.
01:57:33.000 Yeah, I like to see people angry about gays.
01:57:35.000 What is that exactly?
01:57:36.000 They're fools.
01:57:37.000 No, no, but what is it?
01:57:38.000 They're confused.
01:57:38.000 It's not just fools.
01:57:39.000 I don't think it's that.
01:57:40.000 I think they're scared.
01:57:41.000 They're scared that somehow or another, that the gay person somehow or another is going to get a hold of them and turn them into a gay person or something.
01:57:49.000 Dudes are so scared of being gay that they will not let A woman touch their asshole or do anything with it because gay people have used that in an accent where they will not allow a woman to make it.
01:58:02.000 They can't even appreciate their own body in any way.
01:58:05.000 Yeah, we're suppressed.
01:58:06.000 We're all fucked up, man.
01:58:07.000 I can't fucking do that shit.
01:58:09.000 You can't?
01:58:09.000 Some girl's like, I'm going to strap on a dildo and fuck you.
01:58:11.000 I'm like, I know that's not gay in any way.
01:58:14.000 You have butt problems.
01:58:15.000 That doesn't sound like fun at all.
01:58:17.000 That does not sound like fun.
01:58:18.000 A girl putting on a strap on and fucking you.
01:58:20.000 Like, who are you and what are you trying to do?
01:58:22.000 Because, okay, you don't even feel that strap on, you crazy bitch.
01:58:25.000 It's not like it's a part of your body.
01:58:26.000 Patrice used to like fucking hookers with dildos.
01:58:29.000 Okay.
01:58:29.000 Like pushing it into them.
01:58:30.000 I don't get that.
01:58:31.000 I really don't get that.
01:58:32.000 Same sort of thing.
01:58:33.000 Me neither.
01:58:34.000 But everybody's got their own thing.
01:58:35.000 Everybody's got their own thing.
01:58:36.000 There's nothing wrong with it, as long as you make an agreement with said hooker.
01:58:40.000 Hey, listen.
01:58:41.000 Right before I come, I've got to stick my finger in my ear.
01:58:43.000 Yeah, you wrap it down.
01:58:45.000 You know, sex is such a weird thing because it's all just about what feels good to your body.
01:58:56.000 That's what it's about.
01:58:57.000 It's about people doing things to each other's body that make them feel good.
01:59:01.000 But there's so many negative connotations.
01:59:03.000 First of all, the diseases.
01:59:04.000 That's a big one.
01:59:05.000 I read that, like, gonorrhea, that there were something like 300,000 cases of gonorrhea in America in 2010. In America?
01:59:14.000 Yes!
01:59:15.000 Yes!
01:59:17.000 300...
01:59:17.000 I'll work it up right now, because I think...
01:59:20.000 Yeah, 300,000 cases of gonorrhea.
01:59:22.000 That's one out of, like, 1,300 people.
01:59:24.000 Yes.
01:59:26.000 I know 1,300 people.
01:59:26.000 Oh, of course I know someone who has gonorrhea, too.
01:59:28.000 Yeah.
01:59:29.000 That seems about normal.
01:59:30.000 Yeah, that's totally right.
01:59:31.000 I would be more shocked with...
01:59:32.000 No, no, but just got it.
01:59:33.000 Just got it.
01:59:34.000 I'd be more shocked with crabs.
01:59:35.000 Like, I never hear crabs.
01:59:36.000 Who has crabs anymore?
01:59:37.000 I've never even heard of crabs.
01:59:38.000 Did they kill them all?
01:59:39.000 According to August 9, 2012, there were approximately 300 reported cases of gonorrhea each year.
01:59:44.000 300?
01:59:45.000 300,000.
01:59:46.000 300,000.
01:59:46.000 In America or across?
01:59:47.000 Yeah, in America.
01:59:48.000 I was right.
01:59:49.000 Now, is gonorrhea the one that comes back and gets cured, or is that the one you get forever?
01:59:53.000 Yeah, you cure it.
01:59:54.000 You get a little shot of penicillin.
01:59:56.000 That's the one they did in Border Rock Empire where they had to shoot this thing up your dickhole and pull up and strain it all out.
02:00:00.000 So let's stop and think about that.
02:00:02.000 There's probably a lot of money in treating gonorrhea.
02:00:04.000 Think about the amount of money.
02:00:06.000 What if we found out that the medicine responsible for treating gonorrhea was also responsible for commercials that shows chicks acting like whores?
02:00:17.000 Like you thought they were selling Nikes, but really they're selling pussy because it's partially sponsored by the gonorrhea medication.
02:00:24.000 They're just trying to get them going.
02:00:26.000 Yeah, like there's dudes that are gonorrhea mercenaries, and they go out there, they give them gonorrhea, and then there's like the guys that are studs, they just can fuck a lot of bitches, and they infest a whole town with gonorrhea just so they can sell the medication.
02:00:39.000 Like the guy from Clerks who's trying to help people stop smoking so he can chew gum, and they found out he's from the Chewley Gum Factory.
02:00:44.000 Oh, really?
02:00:44.000 Yeah.
02:00:45.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
02:00:46.000 Yeah, that would be hilarious if they were doing that to spread disease.
02:00:49.000 Bring down girls.
02:00:50.000 They make porn everywhere.
02:00:52.000 They try to just make it have more gonorrhea.
02:00:56.000 Well, you know, that's a weird thing about the strange groups of, like, the branch-off groups of gay people.
02:01:03.000 I mean, branch-off.
02:01:03.000 You know, those weird branches.
02:01:06.000 What is the expression?
02:01:08.000 Not branch-off, but whatever.
02:01:10.000 What I'm talking about is bug chasers.
02:01:12.000 Oh, people want AIDS? Yeah, dudes who go out and try to get HIV positive.
02:01:17.000 They want guys to shoot loads in their ass and make them HIV positive.
02:01:20.000 Wow.
02:01:21.000 It's like, what?
02:01:22.000 They're so tied in with, like, this is a gay disease grids.
02:01:25.000 Yeah, that is a crazy request, though.
02:01:28.000 The idea that you want to go and get AIDS. Like, you're trying to go out and get HIV. Like, what?
02:01:36.000 But that just goes to show you that there's that many crazy people.
02:01:40.000 People are so fucking nuts.
02:01:41.000 There's a certain amount of people that want to tattoo their face and stretch out their lips and stretch out their ears.
02:01:47.000 There's a certain amount of people that want to fucking pierce their dicks.
02:01:51.000 There's a certain amount of people that want AIDS. I saw two people with those giant, like those big round half dollar or full coin dollar size earrings in.
02:01:59.000 They pushed it out.
02:02:01.000 A guy and a girl.
02:02:02.000 And the guy came up to me after Portland and said hi and stuff.
02:02:04.000 And I was like, are you guys together?
02:02:08.000 Both with your crazy ears.
02:02:10.000 Yeah.
02:02:11.000 Yeah, it's a restaurant that we were at in Montana.
02:02:13.000 A dude who was working there has ears like that.
02:02:15.000 Can your ears go back?
02:02:16.000 No.
02:02:16.000 No, you have to get them stitched up.
02:02:19.000 Yeah, that's no joke.
02:02:21.000 That's pretty serious.
02:02:22.000 I mean, literally, they have to go in and they have to pull your fucking meat together and stitch it up.
02:02:27.000 And they probably have to cut some of it off.
02:02:29.000 Ugh.
02:02:29.000 Yeah.
02:02:30.000 Oh, yeah, you would have to cut some of it off.
02:02:31.000 You'd have to cut some of it off.
02:02:34.000 Yeah, it's fucking gross, man.
02:02:36.000 It's a weird thing that people want to do.
02:02:37.000 Like, I saw this pretty girl the other day.
02:02:39.000 She's really pretty.
02:02:40.000 She came to the show, and afterwards, she had this giant ring in her nose, like a bullring.
02:02:44.000 I hate it.
02:02:46.000 Massive one.
02:02:46.000 Yeah.
02:02:47.000 I was like, that...
02:02:47.000 I mean...
02:02:48.000 It's aesthetics.
02:02:49.000 I'm not into it.
02:02:50.000 I'm not into it, so I can never judge.
02:02:52.000 But you like the girl with tattoos, though, right?
02:02:53.000 Yeah, I don't mind.
02:02:54.000 Yeah, that's pretty hot.
02:02:54.000 That's hot.
02:02:55.000 Yeah, especially if it's good work.
02:02:57.000 Yeah, if it's good clear, and it's got red and black, not just all black, it's like, ooh...
02:03:01.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:03:02.000 And it also shows she's just dirty.
02:03:04.000 Yeah.
02:03:04.000 She's just getting drilled on.
02:03:07.000 She could take the pain.
02:03:08.000 That's a girl who could take a serious fucking, you know, girls who, like, complain a lot about stuff.
02:03:13.000 Yeah.
02:03:14.000 They should get their phone on.
02:03:15.000 20 fucks.
02:03:16.000 That was one of the weirdest things, man, is this little thing called vibrate.
02:03:19.000 I forgot about it.
02:03:20.000 That's one of the weirdest things about being there was no cell phone, no email, no nothing for five days.
02:03:27.000 Yeah, that must have been cool.
02:03:27.000 It was strange.
02:03:28.000 You got a lot of energy in, man.
02:03:30.000 I wonder how much...
02:03:31.000 And you think it's just from that, not the being outside?
02:03:33.000 It's probably, yeah, the air.
02:03:34.000 It's probably everything, yeah.
02:03:35.000 All the above.
02:03:36.000 I think it's walking around.
02:03:37.000 I left my phone at home last night for four hours at this comedy store.
02:03:41.000 Did you panic?
02:03:42.000 But I did it on purpose.
02:03:43.000 I was like, nah, let me leave it here to charge.
02:03:44.000 Whoa.
02:03:45.000 And I was like, I'll be okay at fucking...
02:03:47.000 11 p.m.
02:03:48.000 at night to whenever.
02:03:49.000 And you're talking about like down the street from your house.
02:03:51.000 Yeah.
02:03:52.000 So it's like nobody...
02:03:53.000 Yeah.
02:03:54.000 But you still got to concentrate on it.
02:03:56.000 Yeah.
02:03:56.000 We're eventually going to become a symbiotic machine.
02:03:59.000 We're going to be part machine.
02:04:00.000 You think so?
02:04:01.000 Yeah.
02:04:01.000 It's just going that way.
02:04:03.000 Yeah, it would have to be.
02:04:04.000 We're already connected to your phone.
02:04:05.000 I mean, what difference does it make if they told you that we have a new phone that's more effective if you don't carry it?
02:04:11.000 We insert it into your thigh Oh, by the way, Brian, we're going to be able to upload all the shows live on YouTube as well now, and we'll be able to stream them on YouTube.
02:04:23.000 We've got a new thing going on.
02:04:24.000 Are we leaving you soon?
02:04:26.000 No, no, no.
02:04:26.000 We're going to do it at the same time.
02:04:28.000 Simultaneous.
02:04:29.000 Simultaneous.
02:04:30.000 How about that?
02:04:31.000 That's possible, right?
02:04:32.000 Yeah.
02:04:32.000 Yeah.
02:04:33.000 Two feeds?
02:04:34.000 Two video feeds?
02:04:35.000 We've got to get some hardcore bandwidth.
02:04:36.000 Okay.
02:04:37.000 We're going to get, I guess, two computers or something.
02:04:40.000 I don't know.
02:04:41.000 Let's try it.
02:04:42.000 Let's see if we can try it.
02:04:43.000 Because otherwise we can at least upload them.
02:04:45.000 We can start uploading them to YouTube.
02:04:47.000 Yeah, the problem I have with YouTube is that I've always tried to do the live streaming thing.
02:04:52.000 And it always never works right.
02:04:55.000 It crashes a lot.
02:04:57.000 Maybe we can try it.
02:04:58.000 We'll try it.
02:04:58.000 We'll see what's up.
02:04:59.000 I don't know what my internet's like at the new place.
02:05:02.000 We won't see until they're putting the bricks on the walls this week.
02:05:05.000 I'm making it fancy, folks.
02:05:06.000 I'm making it like Billy Joel's Italian Restaurant.
02:05:09.000 That's the theme.
02:05:09.000 Bottle red, mmm, bottle white.
02:05:13.000 Whatever kind of mood you're in tonight.
02:05:17.000 Yeah, I just thought that they can get bricks.
02:05:21.000 First of all, there's two reasons for putting bricks in the wall.
02:05:23.000 The number one reason is to Joey Diaz the room.
02:05:26.000 What the fuck?
02:05:26.000 I got a Joey Diaz proof this cocksucker.
02:05:29.000 There's a business next door and I don't want Joey screaming through the walls.
02:05:33.000 I don't think it would show up.
02:05:35.000 So I'm taking significant steps to deaden some of the sound in the room.
02:05:40.000 And one of them is to put up a brick wall.
02:05:42.000 Oh, the new place?
02:05:43.000 Yeah.
02:05:43.000 I mean, cheaper is just get a big bubble, one of those bubble boy bubbles for Joey Diaz.
02:05:50.000 Just going for it.
02:05:53.000 They take bricks that they wreck a building and they take bricks and they slice the veneer off the brick and they put that on a regular wall.
02:06:01.000 So it adds another wall layer.
02:06:04.000 So I figured that would be pretty good to prevent some sound.
02:06:08.000 And then I've also got these curtains that are going up that have a sound deadening backing to them.
02:06:12.000 I'm putting those up as well.
02:06:14.000 Yeah, and it's taking some time, folks, but it's because I'm doing it while I'm doing all these other things at the same time.
02:06:21.000 How long do you think if you had the guests here over under?
02:06:23.000 This week is going to be the bricks will be done, the desk is done, so I have all the equipment in, so not that bad.
02:06:29.000 Once the bricks are up on the wall, and I got the wall painted...
02:06:33.000 Before the end of the year?
02:06:34.000 Yeah, I think so.
02:06:35.000 I think in December.
02:06:36.000 I think my goal is, before we do the End of the World show with Honey Honey and Diaz and Stanhope, that we do a podcast the night before.
02:06:45.000 That would be my goal.
02:06:47.000 Just to open up the studio that week and do a podcast there the night before.
02:06:52.000 But once we have an up and running, it's going to be just...
02:06:56.000 I just wanted to get a place that's going to be a place that I can kind of completely control the environment and make it as cool inside as I can.
02:07:08.000 Set it up as technologically perfect, technically perfect, a really nice big desk and have it fairly close to where I live.
02:07:18.000 This place has really become fucking...
02:07:20.000 High-tech.
02:07:20.000 Well, no, just the decor, I mean.
02:07:22.000 It's like a clubhouse.
02:07:24.000 This is inside Brian's brain.
02:07:25.000 Yeah, this is.
02:07:26.000 If you could open up his brain with a can opener, the Hitler zombie would pop right out.
02:07:31.000 I had a crazy-ass dream the other night, man.
02:07:33.000 A weird alpha brain dream that I was on.
02:07:36.000 What do you got there, fella?
02:07:37.000 Zero.
02:07:38.000 Your tail?
02:07:39.000 Okay.
02:07:40.000 This man's almost 40. Look at him.
02:07:43.000 Clutching a Coke Zero like he's in prison.
02:07:45.000 Are you going trick-or-treating with the fam?
02:07:47.000 Oh, yeah, bro.
02:07:48.000 That's a cool part of Halloween.
02:07:49.000 That I would do.
02:07:49.000 We went trick-or-treating in Disneyland.
02:07:52.000 Oh, wow.
02:07:53.000 Did people come through your neighborhood and do it?
02:07:54.000 We did it.
02:07:54.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:07:55.000 We're gonna go walk the neighborhood too.
02:07:58.000 What day is that?
02:07:59.000 The community that I live in has like a little thing.
02:08:01.000 They have like a little party.
02:08:02.000 They have like a little live DJ and stuff.
02:08:04.000 It's kind of fun.
02:08:05.000 Wednesday is the day that I have to turn off all my lights and not answer my door.
02:08:09.000 Why?
02:08:09.000 Why is that?
02:08:10.000 Because it's annoying.
02:08:11.000 You just turn off your porch light.
02:08:13.000 It's so annoying.
02:08:14.000 Can you have some candy?
02:08:15.000 You're like, no, candy's mine.
02:08:16.000 You have to hide.
02:08:17.000 Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong.
02:08:20.000 Yeah.
02:08:21.000 I'm flying to Calgary this year on Halloween.
02:08:23.000 I got out of it.
02:08:23.000 Oh, really?
02:08:24.000 They want to fly there the day before, but it's Halloween.
02:08:25.000 I was like, oh, fuck yeah.
02:08:27.000 Wow.
02:08:27.000 Let's do that.
02:08:28.000 Yeah.
02:08:29.000 You're working where?
02:08:30.000 I can avoid it.
02:08:30.000 What's the club in Calgary?
02:08:31.000 Yuck Yucks.
02:08:32.000 Oh, powerful Yuck Yucks.
02:08:33.000 Ladies and gentlemen, head on out to see Ari motherfucking Shafir.
02:08:37.000 You were with me in Calgary, right?
02:08:38.000 Yeah.
02:08:38.000 This year?
02:08:39.000 Yeah.
02:08:39.000 Yeah.
02:08:40.000 It was cool.
02:08:40.000 I'll get a lot of people come from that show.
02:08:42.000 That was only 20 minutes.
02:08:43.000 It'll be an hour.
02:08:43.000 Yeah.
02:08:44.000 Yeah.
02:08:44.000 And I bet you have a lot of new shit anyway.
02:08:46.000 You've been working on a lot of shit, right?
02:08:48.000 Yeah.
02:08:48.000 I'm starting to...
02:08:49.000 That's one of the cool things about everybody doing all these shows and putting out CDs like yours and Joey's is that we're constantly putting in new material.
02:08:58.000 It's fun.
02:08:59.000 Well, it gives you a good reason to.
02:09:01.000 Yeah, I feel very challenged.
02:09:02.000 It feels fun.
02:09:04.000 I haven't really felt like this since open mics.
02:09:06.000 I don't know how it was in Boston, but in LA it was the same people seeing you all the time.
02:09:11.000 So really every week you had to have something new or you're an asshole.
02:09:16.000 We're getting a lot of these people that are coming to a lot of the shows.
02:09:20.000 At least every year.
02:09:21.000 There's a crazy little Grateful Dead thing going on.
02:09:24.000 For me and Joey in Chicago.
02:09:27.000 November 8th, by the way.
02:09:28.000 People are flying in.
02:09:29.000 People are making meetups and stuff.
02:09:31.000 Of course they are.
02:09:33.000 I love that shit.
02:09:34.000 We're going to have to figure out our own Gathering the Juggalos type situation.
02:09:40.000 Duncan wants to do it in the desert, man!
02:09:43.000 I want to go out with Manson!
02:09:45.000 Guys!
02:09:46.000 I'm telling you!
02:09:48.000 The Palm Springs area!
02:09:50.000 We'll get handed so many mushrooms if we do that.
02:09:52.000 Let's go to Joshua Tree, man!
02:09:54.000 Let's fucking do it!
02:09:55.000 I can't believe we did that!
02:09:56.000 Joe, would you ever do this?
02:09:57.000 The guy Postapoc.
02:09:58.000 I've talked about him before.
02:10:00.000 He's like...
02:10:00.000 Postapocalyptic?
02:10:01.000 Postapoc.com guy.
02:10:03.000 What is he?
02:10:03.000 He's the one that sent me that package once where I thought it was a bomb or something and it just ended up being a really cool pipe that he made.
02:10:09.000 He's always sending me cool things.
02:10:11.000 Anyways, he goes to thrift stores and buys old bottles of sodas.
02:10:16.000 Here, let me get to the point.
02:10:17.000 And he drinks them.
02:10:19.000 So this is like a 70-year-old bottle of grape soda.
02:10:23.000 Dude, I did...
02:10:24.000 I purchased a Coke original.
02:10:26.000 He's like...
02:10:28.000 It's flat as shit, right?
02:10:29.000 Well, it's acid-y and shit like that.
02:10:32.000 Is that his artwork in the background?
02:10:34.000 Yeah, I think so.
02:10:35.000 That is a badass picture.
02:10:36.000 The dude with the gas mask.
02:10:38.000 Yeah, his website's really badass.
02:10:39.000 By the way, the new Hire Primate gas mask monkey shirt is available.
02:10:44.000 And plus pictures of...
02:10:46.000 Go to hire-primate.com.
02:10:49.000 But he drinks it and he says it tastes like copper almost.
02:10:54.000 Okay, well let's let him talk.
02:10:55.000 Okay.
02:10:57.000 Instead of a rubber gasket, it's real cork.
02:11:01.000 They have a little cork, real corkwood disc inside the bottle cap.
02:11:06.000 I thought that was botulism or fungus of some kind when I first opened it.
02:11:10.000 Thought we're going to have to end this video early.
02:11:14.000 We held this up to the light.
02:11:16.000 We saw no floaties.
02:11:17.000 What was he talking about?
02:11:18.000 No monsters or little squids or anything.
02:11:21.000 Is he talking about himself?
02:11:21.000 Him and his personality.
02:11:22.000 Him and the camera guy.
02:11:23.000 He's like Roy Jones Jr. Smells strongly like grape Dymatap.
02:11:28.000 I mean, super strong grape flavor.
02:11:30.000 This could be fermented to all hell, and I could pour this down my throat, and you'll see it just burn right through my death squad shirt, right here.
02:11:37.000 Are we watching a guy just drinking soda?
02:11:40.000 Yeah, but it's from 1947. Alright, it tastes like grape-flavored nasty pond water.
02:11:56.000 That really wasn't that interesting.
02:11:57.000 I just thought it was weird.
02:11:58.000 Would you do that?
02:12:00.000 I would never do that.
02:12:01.000 I drank a bottle of Coke Original.
02:12:04.000 I had these three of them saved from when I was little.
02:12:07.000 Really?
02:12:08.000 What'd it taste like?
02:12:09.000 Super flat Coke, super flat Coke, pretty much.
02:12:12.000 Just Coke.
02:12:12.000 He ends up puking in the video.
02:12:13.000 Slightly off, but not much.
02:12:15.000 Of course.
02:12:16.000 Does he really?
02:12:16.000 Yeah.
02:12:17.000 He's a silly bitch.
02:12:18.000 You're not supposed to drink that.
02:12:20.000 Why are you drinking that?
02:12:21.000 Well, I don't understand why people would think that it's interesting to drink something gross that's been around for a long time.
02:12:26.000 If it could last that long, like a wine, then sure, whatever.
02:12:29.000 But if it can't last that long, then what are you doing?
02:12:31.000 It's gone rotten.
02:12:32.000 That's a weird thing that people do with wines, you know?
02:12:35.000 Keep wines around for hundreds of years and then drink them or scotches.
02:12:37.000 I love it.
02:12:38.000 That sounds like hoarding behavior.
02:12:40.000 It's like there's only a few left.
02:12:41.000 Just don't.
02:12:42.000 You gotta wait.
02:12:43.000 Yeah.
02:12:44.000 That's what I do with weeds now.
02:12:45.000 I'll have a few different strains of weed, and if it would be good, I'll go through half of it right away.
02:12:49.000 And then I'll be like, oh, I only have half of it left.
02:12:51.000 So when it gets slower that I use it, and then I only go back to it every couple months, I'm like the last of the Maui Waui.
02:12:57.000 Let's just slow it down a little.
02:12:59.000 Why would you do that when you just get more?
02:13:01.000 I always sort of forget that I can go get more.
02:13:03.000 I don't want it to be gone.
02:13:04.000 That's a problem living in parts of the country that's not like California.
02:13:07.000 The world really would change if the rest of the country was like Colorado and California.
02:13:12.000 Those are the two places where you can get weed anywhere.
02:13:15.000 Do they not shut down dispensaries in Colorado?
02:13:17.000 No.
02:13:17.000 Only here.
02:13:18.000 Yeah, they shut them down a lot more here.
02:13:20.000 I'm sure they have shut down some of them in Colorado.
02:13:23.000 We're a lot more on the radar.
02:13:26.000 They're on the radar in Colorado, man.
02:13:28.000 But it's like people point to us here.
02:13:30.000 But it's more accepted, and I think it's more accepted by the people in Colorado than it is the people of L.A. The people of L.A., this is a little bit of a battle.
02:13:39.000 In Portland, it was just everywhere.
02:13:41.000 Oh, yeah.
02:13:42.000 Because they're all fucking nature boys, too, so they all grow shit.
02:13:45.000 It's part of their garden.
02:13:46.000 Like, yeah, I'll have a weed plant, too.
02:13:47.000 Everyone likes their own weed.
02:13:49.000 It's smart places.
02:13:50.000 In smart places, look, I'm not pro drugs, period, because some drugs are fucking terrible.
02:13:56.000 I'm not pro pills.
02:13:57.000 I'm not pro meth.
02:13:58.000 I'm not pro that.
02:13:59.000 But if you're not pro weed, you have to be a fucking idiot.
02:14:02.000 If you really think that there's something wrong with it and it's bad for society, you've got to be an idiot.
02:14:07.000 Or you're ignorant.
02:14:08.000 You don't understand what's really going on with it because it's really...
02:14:11.000 What's really going on is not a bad thing.
02:14:13.000 It's a humbling thing.
02:14:15.000 Everybody could use a little bit of humbling.
02:14:16.000 Sure, there's going to be some people that just sit around and smoke pot all day and don't get anything done.
02:14:20.000 But that's a psychological problem.
02:14:22.000 They have issues.
02:14:23.000 That issue could manifest itself that way, or it could manifest itself by them being perpetually late, or they could fucking sabotage themselves.
02:14:33.000 People have weird issues.
02:14:34.000 So they could sabotage themselves with weed or with anything else they choose to do it with.
02:14:38.000 That doesn't mean that it can't be used the right way.
02:14:42.000 Silly bitches.
02:14:43.000 Do you think people are burnouts because of weed or they're just burnouts and then they just go to weed?
02:14:47.000 I think they're burnouts for weed.
02:14:48.000 The weed helps it along too.
02:14:50.000 Well, anything can help you along if you don't have any resolve.
02:14:52.000 Yeah.
02:14:53.000 If you don't have any fucking desire to accomplish things in life.
02:14:55.000 If you smoke that shit weed.
02:14:56.000 It's a little bit of that.
02:14:57.000 Yeah, you smoke that fucking weed.
02:14:58.000 That's a lot of it.
02:14:59.000 That's some good stuff.
02:15:00.000 Smoke that chronic dog.
02:15:01.000 Some people, it just doesn't mix well, also.
02:15:04.000 That's true, too.
02:15:05.000 Yeah, there's some people where...
02:15:07.000 Look, people get fucking sick if you give them nuts.
02:15:10.000 Could not get high.
02:15:11.000 Yeah, I heard about that.
02:15:12.000 I've heard of that.
02:15:12.000 Oh, I told you about it?
02:15:13.000 Yeah.
02:15:14.000 It's amazing.
02:15:15.000 I heard that works with DMT, too.
02:15:18.000 DMT just doesn't work on them.
02:15:19.000 Small percentage of people, but every now and then.
02:15:22.000 I heard somebody went to a float lab, and she was like, no, it wasn't really any hallucinating.
02:15:25.000 It was just like...
02:15:27.000 A float lab?
02:15:28.000 That's different.
02:15:28.000 Not like a floating tank or whatever.
02:15:29.000 Yeah, that takes some time.
02:15:30.000 The float tank is not like instant hallucinations.
02:15:33.000 You've got to really get comfortable with letting go and finding the center of your thoughts.
02:15:40.000 That's not easy.
02:15:41.000 It's easy to distract yourself.
02:15:42.000 So what would you try to do?
02:15:43.000 You've got to get strong mentally.
02:15:45.000 You have to learn how to meditate.
02:15:47.000 When you get into a float tank, it's not as simple as you get in there and you start tripping.
02:15:51.000 Because you get in there, you're still thinking, oh my god, I'm floating.
02:15:53.000 Oh my god, this feels weird.
02:15:54.000 Where's the side?
02:15:54.000 It's right here.
02:15:55.000 Oh, my balls itch.
02:15:56.000 You start thinking a bunch of different things.
02:15:58.000 And you have to have control of your mind.
02:16:00.000 It's not as simple as you get in the float tank, boom, you have hallucinations.
02:16:04.000 You have to get in the float tank and you've got to start that process on your own.
02:16:08.000 You have to center yourself.
02:16:09.000 You have to concentrate only on your breath.
02:16:11.000 Drop everything slowly but surely.
02:16:13.000 Remove all the layers of consciousness, all the layers of letting go until you get to the center.
02:16:19.000 And that's when you start having these crazy visionary experiences.
02:16:22.000 That's kind of like the same thing on mushrooms.
02:16:24.000 It's like when you're talking to your friends and laughing and stuff.
02:16:25.000 It's fine.
02:16:26.000 You don't listen to it.
02:16:27.000 And then you just stop and like...
02:16:28.000 Look up at the stars and just don't talk or listen to anyone.
02:16:31.000 That's when you start seeing shit.
02:16:32.000 Yeah.
02:16:33.000 This guy just was telling me the other day about the same thing.
02:16:36.000 He went and he was more of just like, all right, I'm just bored.
02:16:39.000 I'm just laying here.
02:16:40.000 This is really stupid.
02:16:42.000 Oh, really?
02:16:42.000 Yeah.
02:16:42.000 If you don't know how to use it, it's like anything else.
02:16:45.000 You have to learn how to relax.
02:16:47.000 Centering your thoughts and trying to get rid of all of them.
02:16:50.000 The idea behind the sensory deprivation tank is that there's no input coming in.
02:16:55.000 And when there's no input coming in, you can just sit there and go, Oh, this sucks.
02:16:58.000 I'm bored.
02:16:59.000 Or you can just slowly let go of all your consciousness to the point where you are just...
02:17:06.000 Your mind untethered from culture, from any interactive experience with nature, with gravity, with...
02:17:13.000 Seeing things or hearing things or touching things, you're removed from all sensory input.
02:17:18.000 And when you do that, you can have very clear and intense thoughts.
02:17:22.000 And you can also have some pretty powerful hallucinations if you allow yourself to manifest those ideas.
02:17:28.000 But you have to learn how to let go to do that.
02:17:30.000 You can't just get in there.
02:17:31.000 It doesn't just happen right away.
02:17:33.000 You start thinking about your life, you start thinking about things that you can't avoid, you start thinking about things that have been bothering you, maybe things you don't like about yourself.
02:17:40.000 Wouldn't we make your mind wander more?
02:17:40.000 No, not necessarily.
02:17:42.000 It depends on what's going on in your head, but for the most part, the weed just sort of accentuates the experience.
02:17:47.000 I've done a small version of this on planes recently, where I've just taken some pot cookie or something, if it's going to be a long flight, and just say, you know, I'm not getting anything done here, but I'm not tired.
02:17:57.000 It's when I've slept, and it's like a 2 p.m.
02:17:59.000 flight or something.
02:18:00.000 Then I just look out the window, and I just stare out the window, and I just let my mind just go the entire time.
02:18:05.000 Yeah, that's the only way I really get blasted these days is on planes.
02:18:10.000 Yeah.
02:18:10.000 And the scenery enough from the outside can help you just start a synapse going a little bit.
02:18:16.000 Sure.
02:18:18.000 Also, it's like the only time I don't have any responsibilities.
02:18:20.000 I don't have to take care of my kids.
02:18:23.000 I don't have to be sober.
02:18:25.000 There's no Wi-Fi.
02:18:26.000 It's even better.
02:18:27.000 It's like I can't do anything.
02:18:29.000 It's a great way to write, too.
02:18:30.000 Ten minutes.
02:18:31.000 I'll leave a notebook on my lap.
02:18:33.000 If I get a thought that I'm like, Oh, that could work.
02:18:36.000 Then I quickly write it down.
02:18:37.000 I type so much better than I write.
02:18:39.000 Really?
02:18:40.000 I hardly write anything anymore, and I can type pretty quick.
02:18:42.000 I type really quick now, so I have to type.
02:18:45.000 But I like it, man.
02:18:46.000 I really love writing on planes.
02:18:48.000 It's one of my favorite things.
02:18:48.000 I write some of my best shit ever on planes.
02:18:50.000 Yeah.
02:18:51.000 High as fuck.
02:18:52.000 I really start flying later now so I can do that.
02:18:55.000 Yeah.
02:18:55.000 Because it is a good place to just get away from everything and like...
02:18:58.000 Get things done.
02:18:58.000 Yeah.
02:18:59.000 Yeah, when you're sitting in that seat, you got nowhere to go and you got that laptop open.
02:19:02.000 You can get to work.
02:19:03.000 I slept till noon.
02:19:04.000 I'm not, you know, cranked.
02:19:05.000 And then it's just like, now it's, yeah.
02:19:07.000 Do you feel now that you're having all the success and things are going well, you feel like even more motivated?
02:19:12.000 Like you're like fucking really hustling now and really putting in the work?
02:19:15.000 Yeah, doing more stuff.
02:19:17.000 Doing more.
02:19:18.000 Isn't it funny how motion begets more motion?
02:19:24.000 Yeah, people are a force of habit.
02:19:26.000 I think that's what it is.
02:19:27.000 And when people that work out all the time, it's just like that's your habit.
02:19:30.000 And when people don't all the time, then that's your habit.
02:19:32.000 Yeah, that's one thing that people have kept telling me over and over again from this podcast.
02:19:37.000 One of the things they pulled from it is that it's changed the way they sort of address and approach things.
02:19:43.000 And people, you know, sometimes people just need to hear something.
02:19:45.000 And that's like one of the reasons why I love that book, The War of Art.
02:19:48.000 I probably understand and have thought most of the things in that book on my own independently.
02:19:53.000 I think a lot of creative people are.
02:19:54.000 You can't piece it together.
02:19:55.000 It's not that you can't piece it together.
02:19:56.000 Sometimes you need to read it again.
02:19:58.000 You need to see it again.
02:19:59.000 You need to be reminded again.
02:20:00.000 Well, it's clearer when it's written out or when you can actually see it.
02:20:02.000 Or when it's spelled out or when someone says it in a way that resonates with how you feel about the world.
02:20:10.000 And I think that's one way that we can all help each other in a way that no one of past generations was able to do.
02:20:17.000 One of the different things about this sort of a medium, like a podcast medium.
02:20:21.000 Quick contact with everyone in the world.
02:20:22.000 Quick contact with everyone in the world and you can express things in a way that you really couldn't do if you were sponsored by Palmolive or fucking Toyota trucks.
02:20:29.000 You know, it's like you would have never gotten all this information out as clearly as we're doing it right now.
02:20:36.000 Yeah, just saying it.
02:20:37.000 Yeah.
02:20:38.000 Strange times, Ari Shafir.
02:20:40.000 Powerful Ari Shafir of the Skeptic Tank on iTunes, you dirty, dirty bitches.
02:20:47.000 Check out Ari's podcast and buy his fucking CD. I had Mike Young last time.
02:20:51.000 Oh, how dare you.
02:20:52.000 It was so good.
02:20:53.000 What happened?
02:20:54.000 He just talks about how he's able to fucking, well, to fuck so much.
02:20:59.000 And how he's always had that power.
02:21:01.000 Well, he's a smooth talker.
02:21:03.000 Dude, he's amazing.
02:21:04.000 Smooth operator.
02:21:06.000 Smooth operator.
02:21:10.000 Yeah, check out my website, aurethegreat.com.
02:21:12.000 Please.
02:21:12.000 My dates are on there.
02:21:13.000 Please check out my website.
02:21:14.000 Please check out my website.
02:21:15.000 I'll be in Chicago and New York.
02:21:17.000 Say love me and I'll love you back.
02:21:17.000 And love me and I'll love you back in Edmonton.
02:21:19.000 And you just got done doing a fucking return homecoming gig in the place where you started and you came back as a conquering hero.
02:21:27.000 I felt good, dude.
02:21:28.000 I bet it did.
02:21:28.000 You know how it's like at any level, no matter where you are, there's certain shows that are just important to you.
02:21:33.000 And it might not be because of money or anything.
02:21:35.000 You wanted to let everybody know.
02:21:36.000 That's where you started.
02:21:37.000 Yeah.
02:21:37.000 I had a bunch of friends from high school came out.
02:21:39.000 It was kind of cool.
02:21:40.000 My aunt came.
02:21:42.000 That's awesome.
02:21:43.000 It was just like, and people were like, oh, it's like way different than last time.
02:21:45.000 I was like, yeah, I wrote a new hour.
02:21:46.000 You're fucking professional now.
02:21:48.000 Yeah, it felt right now.
02:21:49.000 You're a real professional.
02:21:49.000 You're legit.
02:21:51.000 Too legit to quit.
02:21:52.000 Hey, hey.
02:21:53.000 Okay, this weekend, you fucking freaks.
02:21:56.000 San Francisco at the Knob Hill Masonic Center.
02:21:59.000 That is November the 2nd.
02:22:01.000 On Friday.
02:22:02.000 And then Saturday night, the Moore Theater in Seattle.
02:22:05.000 And that shit is sold out.
02:22:06.000 Both nights will be Brian Redband and Greg motherfucking Fitzsimmons with me.
02:22:12.000 So we're going to have some fun.
02:22:13.000 San Francisco and Seattle, you dirty bitches.
02:22:15.000 Tomorrow, the great Duncan Trussell will join us on the podcast.
02:22:18.000 Boom.
02:22:19.000 Holla at your boy.
02:22:20.000 And we will also have a podcast on Wednesday.
02:22:21.000 I'm not sure who it's going to be.
02:22:22.000 We're working on a couple different guests.
02:22:25.000 That's...
02:22:25.000 What?
02:22:25.000 If you go to my website, if you're poor, I'm giving away four free tracks of my CD. Ooh, look at that.
02:22:31.000 Free shit from Ari.
02:22:33.000 Of course it is.
02:22:34.000 That was why I was number one on iTunes.
02:22:36.000 Thank you all.
02:22:37.000 Validation.
02:22:37.000 Thank you all very much.
02:22:38.000 Buy it again.
02:22:39.000 Let's see if we can bring that shit back to number one again.
02:22:41.000 I think we can do it.
02:22:42.000 Back to number one.
02:22:43.000 I'm going to go buy one as soon as I get off the phone.
02:22:45.000 I'm not on the phone.
02:22:46.000 I'm an artist.
02:22:46.000 What the fuck am I talking about?
02:22:48.000 This podcast is brought to you by Ting.com.
02:22:52.000 Go to rogan.ting.com and you will save $50 off of any Android device that they have.
02:23:00.000 And they have regular cell phones too if you're one of those fucking weirdos who just wants to not be able to get on the internet on your phone.
02:23:05.000 Like, I'm old school.
02:23:07.000 Fuckhead.
02:23:09.000 Check out Ting, a very reasonable and excellent cell phone provider.
02:23:13.000 They don't cause contracts.
02:23:16.000 They don't require contracts.
02:23:18.000 Is that you?
02:23:18.000 It's all spelled out.
02:23:19.000 I didn't make the ding, you son of a bitch.
02:23:21.000 I swear to God I did not do that.
02:23:22.000 That's the FBI telling us our time is up.
02:23:25.000 Maybe it's Ustream.
02:23:26.000 It was the Ting.
02:23:27.000 That's the Ting.
02:23:27.000 What the fuck was that?
02:23:28.000 No, we're still online.
02:23:30.000 Oh, that's you.
02:23:32.000 You son of a gun!
02:23:35.000 I wanted to see you guys fight for a while.
02:23:37.000 I wasn't trying to fool either one of you, but I'm like, ooh, I actually got a joke going.
02:23:42.000 Go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, use the code name ROGAN, and save yourself 10% off any supplements.
02:23:49.000 That includes Hemp Force, the delicious hemp protein powder with maca.
02:23:55.000 And raw cocoa.
02:23:56.000 It's fucking delicious.
02:23:58.000 With Stevie, only one gram of sugar per serving.
02:24:00.000 It's not...
02:24:00.000 We don't even add that.
02:24:01.000 It's just what's in the hemp and all the juicy good shit that we put in it.
02:24:05.000 All right.
02:24:05.000 That's the end of the podcast.
02:24:08.000 Thank you very much for tuning in.
02:24:10.000 Thanks for all the positive tweets.
02:24:11.000 Thanks for all the love.
02:24:12.000 Thank you for everybody who's coming to my shows.
02:24:14.000 I appreciate it.
02:24:14.000 Yeah.
02:24:14.000 Thank anybody who comes to all of our shows.
02:24:16.000 We appreciate the fuck out of you guys.
02:24:18.000 DeskWad Ohio.
02:24:18.000 DeskWad rolls on, bitches.
02:24:20.000 Oh, Death Squad Ohio is November 11th is sold out, right?
02:24:24.000 No, it's 8th, 9th, and 10th, and only the 8 o'clock Columbus show is sold out.
02:24:29.000 Okay, so which one, what date is sold out?
02:24:33.000 Columbus first show, I believe, is the one.
02:24:35.000 And what date is that, though?
02:24:36.000 I think that's the 10th.
02:24:37.000 The 10th, okay.
02:24:38.000 So the 8th and 9th is still open.
02:24:40.000 So 8th and 9th.
02:24:40.000 And go to deathsquad.tv and you can also pick up some super sexy kitty cat t-shirts.
02:24:45.000 It's two Columbus shows, one Dayton, one Cincinnati.
02:24:49.000 And by the way, Tom Segura is going.
02:24:51.000 And if you haven't seen Tom, he is fucking on fire right now too.
02:24:55.000 He's one of the best in the country.
02:24:56.000 He really is.
02:24:57.000 He's awesome.
02:24:58.000 And Tony Hinchcliffe as well?
02:25:00.000 Tony Hinchcliffe is going to be on a couple, and so is Doug Benson.
02:25:02.000 An excellent show, ladies and gentlemen.
02:25:04.000 An excellent show.
02:25:05.000 And also, if you go to deskwad.tv, you can pick up some of Brian's funky, psychedelic kitty cats.
02:25:11.000 And no, that's not a Wendy sign.
02:25:12.000 The fuck are you talking about?
02:25:14.000 They changed their logo the other day.
02:25:15.000 Yeah, good.
02:25:16.000 They better.
02:25:17.000 Dirty bitches.
02:25:18.000 Step.
02:25:19.000 Powerful white castles in the house as well.
02:25:22.000 Shout out to White Castle.
02:25:25.000 Give it up for black people in general.
02:25:26.000 I have given up on the Olive Garden.
02:25:28.000 They do not want me to support them, but White Castle has been supporting me by giving me t-shirts.
02:25:34.000 I think that, believe it or not, the Olive Garden is too white for Brian Redman.
02:25:40.000 They're too white.
02:25:41.000 White Castle's cool, though.
02:25:42.000 We'll be back tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen.
02:25:44.000 But it's over with the Olive Garden.
02:25:46.000 We love the fucking shit out of you people.
02:25:47.000 We'll see you soon.
02:25:48.000 We're not going anywhere.
02:25:49.000 We're gonna roll on.
02:25:52.000 We're taking it to the next level.
02:25:53.000 I don't even know what I'm saying.
02:25:54.000 It's the best ending I've ever heard.