The Joe Rogan Experience - October 31, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #279 - Duncan Trussell


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 43 minutes

Words per Minute

177.5355

Word Count

28,959

Sentence Count

2,645

Misogynist Sentences

97


Summary

In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, the boys are joined by special guest Mac Danzig to talk about his new podcast, "Mac Danzig MMA" hosted by Gray Maynard and Luke Rockhold. They also talk about the recent legalization of marijuana in Vermont, and why it's a good thing it's not legal in the United States. Also, the guys talk about their favorite vegan protein powder, AlphaBrain, and how it's better than most other vegan protein powders on the planet. They also get into a heated debate about whether or not you should be allowed to eat poppy seed bagels. And, of course, they answer your burning questions! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Thanks to our sponsor, Onnit. If you like the show, please consider becoming a patron patron and leaving us a five star rating and a review on Apple Podcasts. Subscribe, rate, and review on your favorite streaming platform so we can keep bringing you quality, high-quality content. Thank you for listening and sharing the show. Cheers, bitches! -Jon Sorrentino and the crew at Onnit! Jon and the boys at O.N.IT.T.A.T, the best podcast in the entire country. We love you, Jon & the boys, we really appreciate your support and appreciate you, we appreciate you. - Thank you Jon & The boys for all your support us, Jon, for making this podcast, and we really much more than you can see us grow and support us in this podcast. Jon, Ben, again and again, again, more and more, more, again again, and again and more and again. Thank you again, for all of your support, more than enough, more often than you'll get it, thank you, you really appreciate it, you're a lot more than anything else. - Jon, and more than that, Jon and you're amazing. -- Thank you, bye, bye. XOXO. <3 - Jon & Rory, Caitie, - Emily, Sarah, Jake, and the gang, more... and more. Sarah, Caitlyn, Rachel, and Jack, and your support is much more. - Maddy, and a whole lot more. <3.


Transcript

00:00:13.000 Duncan Trussell has a falcon on his cock.
00:00:18.000 Right here.
00:00:19.000 Ah!
00:00:22.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast has begun, bitches.
00:00:27.000 We are brought to you by Onnit.com.
00:00:31.000 O-N-N-I. I didn't really enunciate the O correctly.
00:00:35.000 Did you notice that?
00:00:35.000 I was going to skip over it.
00:00:37.000 But I just had to admit, I got some slobber.
00:00:40.000 My tongue miscalculated.
00:00:42.000 That's a frustrating thing.
00:00:43.000 When your tongue miscalculates and a word comes out wrong and you feel like a fucking loser.
00:00:47.000 Especially when it happens on stage.
00:00:49.000 Oh, that will throw you off, won't it?
00:00:51.000 Yeah, and it can happen in the middle of an awesome punchline, and even though the punchline still makes sense, people are like, eh, nope.
00:00:59.000 Just because you stumbled!
00:01:01.000 The cruel nature of this business.
00:01:04.000 Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, makers of AlphaBrain.
00:01:09.000 We all took AlphaBrain right before the show, ladies and gentlemen.
00:01:12.000 People say, hey, Joe Rogan, do you really take all this shit?
00:01:14.000 Yes, I do.
00:01:15.000 I would not sell it if I did not take it.
00:01:19.000 It's really hard to keep it in your butt, too.
00:01:21.000 Yeah, you can't put these in your butt, because they're made out of gelatin, and then you have gelatin coming out of your butt, for real.
00:01:26.000 They just fall right out.
00:01:27.000 I don't think your butt absorbs it the way your mouth does.
00:01:29.000 If you broke the powder down, if you took the capsules out, what is these?
00:01:34.000 They make vegetarian capsules, too, which I don't understand.
00:01:37.000 I guess it's like, you can make a gelatin out of a Vegetarian stuff?
00:01:42.000 What the fuck are those outside of the pill made of?
00:01:45.000 Isn't that like a concern with some people?
00:01:46.000 Like they don't like swallowing pills because they don't want to eat all that gelatin?
00:01:48.000 Totally.
00:01:49.000 But gelatin's good for you.
00:01:50.000 Like jello is awesome for you.
00:01:51.000 Well, isn't it the vegans don't want to eat it because it comes from hoofs?
00:01:55.000 Oh, those weak-ass bitches!
00:01:57.000 Yeah.
00:01:57.000 That's the problem.
00:01:58.000 Not all of them, Rich Roll.
00:01:59.000 I love you.
00:02:00.000 I love you, Mac Danzig.
00:02:01.000 You guys are my favorite vegans of all time.
00:02:04.000 Oh, and by the way, Mac Danzig has his own podcast now.
00:02:07.000 And his first guest was, I believe, Gray Maynard.
00:02:13.000 He might have sent me an email that I need to go and review here.
00:02:17.000 But I would like to promote it because Mac is a very cool guy and a very intelligent and interesting guy.
00:02:23.000 And I think that his podcast would be badass.
00:02:27.000 Luke Rockhold, who's another interesting cat.
00:02:29.000 So it's Luke Rockhold, Gray Maynard, and Mac Danzig together for a podcast.
00:02:35.000 So I don't know where you would get that, but if you go to Mac Danzig's Twitter, which is MacDanzigMMA, go and check it out.
00:02:42.000 Very, very cool guy, Mac Danzig.
00:02:44.000 And one of the nicest vegans you'll ever want to meet.
00:02:46.000 And he can eat our hemp force protein powder.
00:02:50.000 Do you know why?
00:02:51.000 Because it's totally vegan.
00:02:53.000 Super fucking healthy for you.
00:02:55.000 Onnit makes the best tasting protein powder on earth.
00:02:59.000 This shit is expensive.
00:03:00.000 And here's one of the big reasons why it's expensive.
00:03:03.000 We can't grow hemp in the United States of America, ladies and gentlemen.
00:03:07.000 We can grow it in Canada and buy it Makes sense.
00:03:27.000 Don't say retarded.
00:03:28.000 I can't believe you used the word retarded.
00:03:30.000 Retarded is not a medical designation or distinction.
00:03:34.000 It's not.
00:03:35.000 It's not.
00:03:35.000 It means retard or slow or like too slow to catch up.
00:03:41.000 Annoyingly slow, retarded, get it?
00:03:43.000 You know what it means.
00:03:44.000 Doesn't mean someone has Down Syndrome, goddammit.
00:03:46.000 It doesn't mean someone has some sort of a chromosome disease.
00:03:49.000 It means you're fucking retarded.
00:03:51.000 And if hemp is illegal in 2012, that's all it is.
00:03:54.000 It's fucking retarded.
00:03:56.000 It makes no sense whatsoever.
00:03:57.000 Not even a little bit.
00:03:59.000 100% non-psychoactive.
00:04:01.000 You will not test positive for it.
00:04:03.000 If you have a drug test coming up, they'll tell you you have to not eat poppy seed bagels.
00:04:08.000 You know why?
00:04:08.000 Because they'll test positive for heroin.
00:04:11.000 Crazy.
00:04:12.000 But you will not test positive for marijuana if you eat all the hemp forest protein powder in the world.
00:04:17.000 We can only buy 50 pounds of this shit a day in Canada.
00:04:19.000 Yeah, it's amazingly stupid.
00:04:21.000 And by the way, the federal government stepped in because Vermont passed a law allowing them to grow hemp.
00:04:26.000 Farmers!
00:04:27.000 For jobs for farmers, folks.
00:04:29.000 And a real, legitimate product.
00:04:31.000 I mean, it's not a backdoor to get marijuana legalized.
00:04:35.000 It has absolutely nothing to do with it.
00:04:37.000 This is just focused on hemp as a commodity.
00:04:41.000 Hemp makes superior paper.
00:04:43.000 Hemp makes superior cloth.
00:04:45.000 It's much more durable than cotton cloth.
00:04:49.000 Hemp has essential fatty acids.
00:04:51.000 You can eat it.
00:04:52.000 It's high in protein.
00:04:53.000 You can fuel fucking cars with it.
00:04:55.000 In fact, you can make hemp boards to build houses, and you can make hemp parts to build fucking cars, and it's far stronger than steel, and it's lighter in weight.
00:05:09.000 You know how Corvettes are made out of fiberglass?
00:05:11.000 Well, Lotus made a hemp car.
00:05:13.000 Henry Ford's first car that he ever made, the panels were made out of hemp fiber.
00:05:18.000 This sounds ridiculous.
00:05:20.000 It sounds like at some point in time I must be making this up.
00:05:23.000 There's got to be some negative side of this why this shit is legal.
00:05:26.000 But there's not.
00:05:27.000 There's no negative side of it.
00:05:29.000 None.
00:05:30.000 Zero.
00:05:30.000 Zilch.
00:05:31.000 It's healthy.
00:05:32.000 It's an excellent plant, and we're being robbed.
00:05:36.000 We're literally being robbed by pharmaceutical companies, by chemical companies, by anybody that would want to keep...
00:05:43.000 Enough, fella.
00:05:44.000 ...by anybody that would want to keep hemp illegal.
00:05:47.000 It's fucking maddening and frustrating, but you can buy it.
00:05:51.000 You can still buy it.
00:05:52.000 Go to onnit.com.
00:05:53.000 You can buy our hemp forest protein powder.
00:05:55.000 It's the shit.
00:05:56.000 It's got maca in it and raw cocoa, and it's fucking delicious.
00:05:59.000 Does maca It doesn't give you a rush.
00:06:00.000 It's supposed to.
00:06:01.000 When I take Macca, it gives me like a three cups of coffee kind of weird buzz.
00:06:06.000 It's supposed to give you a bit of a hard-on as well.
00:06:07.000 It does.
00:06:08.000 Right away.
00:06:09.000 Yeah, it's supposed to be very stimulating for the system.
00:06:13.000 Get your old fucking cannon fired up.
00:06:15.000 Nothing like drinking a smoothie and then looking down.
00:06:17.000 You've got a hard cock.
00:06:19.000 Hey, have you guys heard of Hot Rod 5000?
00:06:22.000 No.
00:06:23.000 It's a natural supplement that you can take that's extracted from ants and a bunch of fucking other natural shit that just gives you these crazy boners.
00:06:30.000 Whoa.
00:06:31.000 Like Tebe was telling me about it.
00:06:33.000 It was just amazing, he said.
00:06:35.000 He took it by mistake.
00:06:36.000 I can't see Tebe with a crazy boner.
00:06:39.000 I could see him with like a whiny boner.
00:06:42.000 No way!
00:06:43.000 Have you not followed Teeb on Instagram?
00:06:46.000 It's all shots of his six-pack belly and fucking...
00:06:49.000 He's like a cheetah.
00:06:51.000 A male cheetah.
00:06:52.000 What is he doing?
00:06:53.000 Is he trying to get some pussies?
00:06:54.000 Dude, he's pimping.
00:06:55.000 He's rocking his 40-year-old body.
00:06:58.000 He's got a Bruce Lee.
00:06:59.000 He's got a Bruce Lee.
00:07:00.000 Weird Bruce Lee.
00:07:01.000 Yeah.
00:07:02.000 It's so weird.
00:07:03.000 Chicks dig it?
00:07:04.000 Yeah, when you don't eat much, get skinny.
00:07:07.000 That dude should do action movies.
00:07:10.000 He could.
00:07:11.000 He should be an action star.
00:07:13.000 Could he be the next Dexter?
00:07:14.000 Oh, yeah.
00:07:15.000 Totally.
00:07:16.000 Totally that.
00:07:17.000 He could definitely be the kind of bedraggled detective that's kind of disillusioned with a force, but ends up...
00:07:25.000 Like Die Hard in space.
00:07:26.000 Yeah.
00:07:27.000 Yes.
00:07:29.000 You guys are obviously higher than I am.
00:07:31.000 There's no other explanation for this.
00:07:33.000 Onnit.com, we also carry kettlebells, the finest kettlebells you can get, highest quality.
00:07:39.000 They will last you a lifetime.
00:07:41.000 We sell them.
00:07:42.000 We sell everything we sell as cheap as we possibly can sell.
00:07:44.000 We just started selling Blendtec blenders.
00:07:46.000 We literally sell them for $200 less than the manufactured suggested retail price.
00:07:52.000 It's actually more than $200 less.
00:07:54.000 We try to sell things as the best shit as cheaply as possible.
00:07:57.000 This Blendtec blender is fucking badass.
00:07:59.000 I got a Blendtec.
00:08:00.000 They're amazing.
00:08:01.000 And when you get it, if you buy it from Onnit, you also get a free container of Hemp Force protein powder with your order.
00:08:08.000 The Blendtec, I started using it to make that bulletproof coffee, too.
00:08:11.000 Because the Vitamix, you've got to push it down with a stick.
00:08:14.000 Yeah, it's too crude and stupid.
00:08:15.000 Blendtec sucks it in.
00:08:17.000 Yeah, Blendtec is better.
00:08:18.000 I used the Vitamix for a while.
00:08:20.000 It's just more mechanical.
00:08:21.000 It only has two speeds and you shove the thing in there.
00:08:24.000 But Blendtec does it all for you.
00:08:26.000 And it pulses it where it slows the cutters down so that the stuff settles and then it kicks it back up again.
00:08:34.000 They have it down to a science.
00:08:36.000 And I use it for my kale shakes.
00:08:39.000 I use it to make bulletproof coffee.
00:08:41.000 So we're selling that stuff as well.
00:08:43.000 When I get stoned and make a smoothie with my Blendtec...
00:08:46.000 It scares me.
00:08:49.000 It's so powerful, it feels like it's going to blow up.
00:08:52.000 I feel like, I don't know if I should put my hand over the top or get away from it, because it seems, it's really dangerous.
00:09:00.000 You've seen when they blended, we showed it on the podcast.
00:09:02.000 Before we ever got involved with Blendtec, we actually were just randomly talking about blenders on the podcast to make smoothies with.
00:09:10.000 We had no business affiliation with them, and we started pulling up these videos with Blendtec where they were blending up iPhones.
00:09:17.000 We take an iPhone and turn it into fucking dust.
00:09:20.000 And we're like, whoa!
00:09:22.000 That's metal!
00:09:23.000 There's metal in that!
00:09:24.000 And glass!
00:09:24.000 It just destroys it.
00:09:26.000 I'll just...
00:09:26.000 I make...
00:09:27.000 This sounds like we're doing...
00:09:28.000 This isn't a commercial.
00:09:29.000 I'm not sponsored by Blendtec in any way.
00:09:31.000 I eat Blendtec-made smoothies.
00:09:33.000 But you can pour...
00:09:35.000 Sometimes I'll go to the farmer's market and just throw in random vegetables.
00:09:39.000 You just throw everything in, blend it, and it heats it up, too.
00:09:42.000 Because the...
00:09:43.000 I don't know.
00:09:44.000 I don't know what that effect is.
00:09:45.000 Because it's going so fast.
00:09:45.000 Yeah.
00:09:46.000 I do vodka, orange, and ice cubes.
00:09:48.000 Yeah, that works too.
00:09:49.000 You can totally use it to make alcohol shit.
00:09:51.000 It's great for making mistakes.
00:09:53.000 It's just an awesome blender.
00:09:54.000 You could use it to get rid of a body.
00:09:56.000 I don't think so.
00:09:57.000 You could blend up a corpse.
00:09:59.000 You need pigs for that.
00:09:59.000 Did you hear about the guy in Oregon a couple weeks ago?
00:10:01.000 He fell on his pigs.
00:10:02.000 He fell on his pigs and he just chewed his ass up.
00:10:05.000 That's the next thing I'm hunting.
00:10:06.000 I want to hunt some wild pigs.
00:10:07.000 They have a real problem in Texas, man.
00:10:09.000 I could get into that.
00:10:11.000 You can get into pig hunting?
00:10:11.000 Fuck yeah.
00:10:12.000 Okay.
00:10:12.000 That's what we're doing.
00:10:13.000 We're going pig hunting.
00:10:14.000 Not really.
00:10:15.000 The intense part is butchering it.
00:10:17.000 That's when it's going to get intense.
00:10:18.000 Onnit.com.
00:10:19.000 O-N-N-I-T. We also have Shroom Tech Sport, which I should have taken with me on my crazy hunt in Montana because I could have used it going up those hills.
00:10:26.000 Shroom Tech Sport is fucking fantastic if you're involved in anything that involves endurance.
00:10:32.000 I love it for jiu-jitsu.
00:10:33.000 I do it before I have my kettlebell workouts or anything like that.
00:10:36.000 Shroom Tech is an incredible supplement made from the cordyceps mushroom, and it's just shown to aid in your body's optimization of oxygen.
00:10:44.000 It's really interesting.
00:10:45.000 It gives you a real legitimate endurance boost.
00:10:49.000 And it's also great for people that go into high-altitude places.
00:10:53.000 It helps you to adapt to the altitude quicker.
00:10:57.000 If you go from sea level up to 8,500, 9,000 feet, sometimes people can get sick.
00:11:02.000 We've had many people tell us that they took ShroomTech for this very reason and that it really helped them and minimized their problems in shifting to the higher altitude.
00:11:13.000 Shroom Tech, we also have New Mood, which is a 5-HTP and L-tryptophan supplement.
00:11:18.000 And it's called New Mood because it literally enhances your mood.
00:11:20.000 It's all the building blocks for serotonin, including L-tryptophan, which converts to 5-HTP, and 5-HTP converts to serotonin.
00:11:29.000 So there's a bit of a time-released factor in there as well.
00:11:32.000 And it's a really excellent supplement.
00:11:34.000 And one that I suggest, I mean, I think everybody could be a little happier.
00:11:38.000 Everybody could use a little bit more serotonin in your life and make you a nicer fucking person.
00:11:43.000 So New Mood is, again, one of my favorite supplements.
00:11:46.000 If you use the code name ROGAN, you'll save 10% off any and all supplements from Onnit.
00:11:51.000 The other stuff like the blenders and the kettlebells, we sell that as cheap as we possibly can.
00:11:56.000 And we will continue to sell you the best shit as cheap as possible.
00:12:00.000 And when you order pills, if you order any of the vitamins or supplements, your first 30 days, or first 30 pills rather, I fuck that up every time.
00:12:08.000 It's like you say 30 and you have to say days.
00:12:11.000 It's like for whatever reason, we're locked into this idea.
00:12:14.000 First 30 pills when you order one of these fucking things right in front of my hand.
00:12:19.000 Try it.
00:12:20.000 You don't like it.
00:12:21.000 There's a 100% money back guarantee.
00:12:23.000 You don't even have to return the product.
00:12:25.000 We're just trying to sell you the best nutritional supplements possible.
00:12:31.000 And all shit that I use.
00:12:32.000 No one's trying to rip you off.
00:12:34.000 And if you use the code name Rogan, again, you'll get 10% off.
00:12:37.000 Go to deathsquad.tv and pick yourself up some groovy, psychedelic cat shirts designed and created by our very own Brian Redband.
00:12:45.000 And all the proceeds go to him and the Death Squad Podcast Network, which now features Kevin Pereira.
00:12:52.000 Yes, our friend Kevin from Attack of the Show has a new badass podcast on the Death Squad Network called Pointless.
00:12:58.000 And he is a bad motherfucker.
00:13:00.000 Did you listen to that last one?
00:13:02.000 I did not listen, but he's one of my favorite guests ever that we have on this podcast.
00:13:06.000 He's such a smart dude and cool and righteous, and he's just legit all around.
00:13:12.000 I really love that dude, and I'm so happy that he's a part of the Death Squad Podcast Network.
00:13:17.000 My new t-shirts at Hire-Primate.com are in, so go and check that out.
00:13:23.000 We have three new designs, including two with Duncan Trussell from the Tabernacle, the poster from the Tabernacle that Mike Maxwell did, and the poster from Chicago.
00:13:34.000 The Chicago Theater, also with Duncan and Joey Diaz.
00:13:37.000 And the Tabernacle was the one where I filmed my last special, and that, yeah, that is coming out, I swear to God.
00:13:44.000 We were just waiting for the website to get designed.
00:13:46.000 There's a lot of CGI, I bet.
00:13:47.000 This is just about the website.
00:13:49.000 The website is being redesigned, and that shit takes a long time.
00:13:51.000 I hired an actual real professional to do it this time.
00:13:54.000 Let's see if it turns out to be a disaster.
00:13:56.000 Anyway, hire-primemate.com.
00:13:57.000 Duncan Trussell is here.
00:13:59.000 Strap yourself in, you dirty, dirty bitches.
00:14:03.000 We're fixing to get the party started.
00:14:15.000 San Francisco, Brian Redband, Greg Fitzsimmons, and I are at the Knob Hill Masonic Auditorium.
00:14:25.000 And I've gotten more than one email from really dumb people who think that because I am playing at the Masonic Auditorium, it just proves that I am a New World Order shill.
00:14:40.000 You're a reptile, dude.
00:14:41.000 You follow the Lightbringer, Lord Lucifer.
00:14:44.000 I am a part of the Masonic...
00:14:47.000 What do they call themselves?
00:14:48.000 Brotherhood?
00:14:49.000 Plague.
00:14:49.000 They're a fraternity.
00:14:50.000 A fraternity.
00:14:51.000 I'm part of the Masonic fraternity, and I'm in with the New World Order because I'm playing at the Knob Hill Masonic Auditorium.
00:14:57.000 You know what a Mason told me once?
00:15:00.000 He said that what it's all about is that math or geometry is the first language of the universe.
00:15:08.000 It's like the first language of God.
00:15:11.000 And so, like...
00:15:12.000 They're super into sacred geometry.
00:15:16.000 That's a big thing.
00:15:18.000 And the whole thing's based on building the Temple of Solomon, which is where you house the Ark of the Covenant.
00:15:24.000 It's all symbolic, of course, but the new Temple of Solomon that they're trying to build, according to the conspiracy theorists, is society.
00:15:31.000 Like, this is it.
00:15:32.000 Like, society is the new Temple of Solomon, and part of that was getting the United States Revolution to happen, because they helped fund that.
00:15:39.000 And also, fucking D.C., the street layout of D.C. is all Masonic symbols, and that goddamn obelisk popping up out of the middle of fucking D.C., that weird thing, and it's all over our fucking money.
00:15:51.000 So yeah, Joe, we are worried about you.
00:15:57.000 Are you dabbling?
00:15:58.000 There is something going on behind the scenes, right?
00:16:01.000 I mean, it's clear.
00:16:02.000 If you look at the design of Washington, D.C. And folks, you really should look this up online because it's not something that...
00:16:08.000 It's irrefutable.
00:16:10.000 The grid, the way they've lined up the streets, the way they put the buildings and everything.
00:16:14.000 I mean, it literally is Masonic symbols.
00:16:17.000 It is.
00:16:17.000 And it's all over our fucking money, too.
00:16:20.000 Yeah.
00:16:21.000 Yeah, what's up with that fucking all-seeing eye on top of the pyramid?
00:16:24.000 Just an eye on top of a pyramid.
00:16:25.000 That makes sense.
00:16:27.000 The United States, in its long love affair with Egypt, think how the Egyptians helped form our constitution.
00:16:35.000 Yeah, right?
00:16:36.000 No one thinks about that shit.
00:16:37.000 That's what's so fun about the occult, you know, because the word occult itself means hidden, but it's like hidden in plain view.
00:16:43.000 Because this shit's in front of everybody.
00:16:45.000 Like all the people who deny conspiracy theories and stuff in their wallet.
00:16:50.000 Or fucking rectangles covered in Egyptian occult symbology that they don't even think about.
00:16:55.000 Yeah, and for folks who don't know, what the symbols are in Washington, D.C., the way it's set up, is one of them is a Lucifer...
00:17:20.000 Yeah.
00:17:23.000 Yeah, that means a lot.
00:17:25.000 But yeah, that's why they like that, because what they're trying to do is to sort of articulate the primary, the very first way that the universe forms, which is through geometry or through a cascade of specific physical laws that are based on math.
00:17:46.000 It's super fucking cool, man.
00:17:48.000 That's what Masons are?
00:17:50.000 Well, that's what a Mason told me at a wedding.
00:17:52.000 I don't know.
00:17:53.000 He's drunk, too.
00:17:54.000 I don't know.
00:17:56.000 Yeah, I met a drunk Mason at a show at the Laugh Factory in Houston.
00:18:01.000 He was showing me his Mason IDs and shit.
00:18:04.000 And I'm like, what the fuck is being a Mason?
00:18:06.000 What do you guys do?
00:18:07.000 He's like, oh man, it's just secret society, you know?
00:18:10.000 Hung out together.
00:18:11.000 Yeah, hang out together.
00:18:12.000 We do rituals where you come out of a fucking coffin.
00:18:15.000 I know that happens.
00:18:16.000 Okay, but how much power do you really think they have wield, try to use?
00:18:22.000 Is there really anything to what they're doing, or is being a mason just fun?
00:18:28.000 It's like being an Elks Lodge member.
00:18:30.000 I've heard there's many different levels of the thing, and I imagine that a lot of Masons are probably in politics, and when you're in a fraternity and you're in politics, you're probably going to...
00:19:08.000 Should we become Masons?
00:19:10.000 Yes!
00:19:10.000 Let's do it!
00:19:11.000 I think it'd be a blast.
00:19:13.000 What do you think is good about being a mason?
00:19:15.000 I think ceremony is...
00:19:16.000 People are going nuts right now in front of their computer.
00:19:18.000 These fucking shills!
00:19:20.000 These fucking New World Order shills!
00:19:22.000 Where is the Alex Jones hotline number?
00:19:25.000 I need to call him right...
00:19:27.000 Joe Rogan has publicly admitted on his show that he is a mason!
00:19:33.000 He has Duncan Trussell on who talks about how wonderful it is to be a Mason and spreading propaganda and disinformation about Masons being about geometry.
00:19:46.000 They're about control!
00:19:48.000 They're about taking your soul!
00:19:50.000 Ladies and gentlemen, and I'm not going to stand for it!
00:19:57.000 Well, man, I don't know.
00:19:59.000 Who knows?
00:20:00.000 I think ceremony is something that is missing from a lot of people's lives in our culture because it's so goddamn weird.
00:20:09.000 Sounds like someone wants to get married.
00:20:12.000 Yeah, I guess so.
00:20:14.000 Yeah, someone wants to get married.
00:20:15.000 Well, that is definitely a ceremony, but there's a lot of other ceremonies, too, that aren't quite so based on stupid shit.
00:20:26.000 But they are psychedelic, man.
00:20:29.000 I read this somewhere.
00:20:30.000 I don't remember who said it, but it was an interesting point, which is at a rock show.
00:20:56.000 I'm going to go see a rock show!
00:20:59.000 And dress in a certain way and take a psychedelic and trip out and have a kind of transcendent experience that comes through the music.
00:21:06.000 But it used to be like there's more formal versions of that idea, which is like you take a psychedelic and then you do a series of like intonations or whatever the fuck it is, depending on what religion or cult you're in.
00:21:17.000 And that creates a kind of transcendent connective experience, which I think is fucking awesome.
00:21:23.000 And it's fun to just watch, regardless of whether or not you believe in what that religion or ritual is trying to invoke, it's just cool to watch that form of dance and movement happen.
00:21:34.000 It's a funny way of putting it, because most people would never think of ceremony that way.
00:21:39.000 And I think what a lot of these people that are freaking out about Masons and all this...
00:21:43.000 I think people are nervous about any group that moves in secrecy.
00:21:49.000 That was one of the Kennedy speeches.
00:21:52.000 Remember that?
00:21:53.000 Secret societies.
00:21:55.000 It should not be tolerated.
00:21:56.000 Remember that?
00:21:57.000 I don't remember what the...
00:21:59.000 The actual speech was, but I wonder what that was in reference to.
00:22:02.000 Brian, see if you can pull that up.
00:22:03.000 Pull it up.
00:22:04.000 It's Kennedy on Secret Societies.
00:22:06.000 You have a laser in the middle of your forehead.
00:22:07.000 It's so crazy looking.
00:22:09.000 Yeah, I know.
00:22:09.000 It keeps popping.
00:22:10.000 It's like right on your third eye.
00:22:12.000 Not the fact that I'm wearing sunglasses and dressed in a NASA outfit.
00:22:15.000 No, that's...
00:22:16.000 Wait, what's going on?
00:22:18.000 What?
00:22:19.000 Where are we?
00:22:20.000 Mom?
00:22:21.000 Is that you?
00:22:22.000 I was tripping out.
00:22:23.000 Kennedy on Secret Societies.
00:22:25.000 Pull up the video.
00:22:26.000 Kennedy on Secret Societies.
00:22:28.000 You know, I think we learned a lot from those early presidents before they learned how to shut them up.
00:22:34.000 You know, when Eisenhower was talking about the military-industrial complex and giving that speech.
00:22:39.000 I'll never fucking forget that speech.
00:22:41.000 Not that I saw it when it happened.
00:22:44.000 Look at this.
00:22:45.000 The very word secrecy is repugnant in a free and open society.
00:22:50.000 And we are, as a people, inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths, and to secret proceedings.
00:23:00.000 We decided long ago that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweighed the dangers which are cited to justify it.
00:23:13.000 Even today, There is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions.
00:23:22.000 Even today, there is little value in ensuring the survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it.
00:23:31.000 And there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security will be seized upon by those anxious to expand its meaning To the very limits of official censorship and concealment.
00:23:46.000 That I do not intend to permit to the extent that it's in my control.
00:23:51.000 And no official of my administration, whether his rank is high or low, civilian or military, should interpret my words here tonight as an excuse to censor the news, to stifle dissent, to cover up our mistakes,
00:24:06.000 or to withhold from the press and the public the facts they deserve to know.
00:24:13.000 For we are opposed around the world by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy that relies primarily on covet means for expanding its sphere of influence, on infiltration instead of invasion, on subversion instead of elections,
00:24:31.000 on intimidation instead of free choice, on guerrillas by night instead of armies by day.
00:24:39.000 It is a system which has conscripted Vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit, highly efficient machine that combines military, diplomatic, intelligence, economic,
00:24:55.000 scientific, and political operations.
00:24:58.000 Its preparations are concealed, not published.
00:25:01.000 Its mistakes are buried, not headlined.
00:25:05.000 Its dissenters are silenced, not praised.
00:25:08.000 No expenditure is questioned.
00:25:10.000 No rumor is printed.
00:25:12.000 No secret is revealed.
00:25:14.000 No president should fear public scrutiny of his program.
00:25:19.000 For from that scrutiny comes understanding.
00:25:22.000 And from that understanding comes support or opposition.
00:25:26.000 And both are necessary.
00:25:27.000 I am not asking your newspapers to support an administration.
00:25:32.000 But I am asking your help in the tremendous task of informing and alerting the American people.
00:25:39.000 For I have complete confidence in the response and dedication of our citizens, Whenever they are fully informed.
00:25:51.000 That's a scary fucking video.
00:25:53.000 You know what's scary about that video is that that guy got murdered.
00:25:57.000 Yeah, you gotta start wearing a fucking helmet if you're gonna give a speech like that.
00:26:01.000 What do you think it's like to actually be the president?
00:26:04.000 Do you think that you just immediately meet with bankers and financiers and they just establish your agenda, like, right off the bat?
00:26:11.000 I mean, it's pretty obvious that he was warning us about some shit that he was encountering.
00:26:17.000 You know, he was the president.
00:26:18.000 Yeah, I think he was sort of experiencing the growth of the CIA. The CIA was starting to turn into this monster that they couldn't control anymore.
00:26:30.000 It was starting to expand and stretch out and doing that thing that big organizations do where they try to keep themselves alive by making up shit.
00:26:39.000 You know, that thing where like they're not necessary anymore but it doesn't matter.
00:26:43.000 They just want the power.
00:26:44.000 Yeah, that's what people don't understand.
00:26:46.000 When you start talking about the government, you start talking about like, well, what's the government?
00:26:50.000 You know, the government is going to be either Mitt Romney or Barack Obama.
00:26:53.000 Yeah, not so much.
00:26:55.000 There's a whole secret government.
00:26:57.000 There's a whole CIA thing that doesn't have to report to anybody, can basically do whatever the fuck it wants, changes laws.
00:27:03.000 That's the real government now, and that's just like exactly what our founding fathers were trying to avoid.
00:27:09.000 There's a great book called Acid Dreams that I'm reading which is about the CIA and how they were the ones who got LSD and they're the ones who...
00:27:18.000 The CIA basically started the psychedelic revolution of the 60s or was part of the start of that because they started doing LSD tests on college kids.
00:27:27.000 And so they're the ones who got it into our society and it's a fascinating read because LSD, whenever it gets into whatever group it gets into, It's such a potent chemical, it starts transforming the group and changing the way the group thinks.
00:27:42.000 So a lot of people in the CIA who are taking LSD, because that was part of the deal, is they would dose their agents to get them ready for the eventuality of potentially being given a truth serum or some kind of psychedelic brew.
00:27:55.000 So you would go to work as an agent and all of a sudden just start fucking tripping, because they dosed your drink.
00:28:01.000 You know who was a part of the Harvard LSD experiments?
00:28:03.000 Who?
00:28:03.000 Ted Kaczynski.
00:28:05.000 Right.
00:28:05.000 The Unabomber.
00:28:06.000 Yeah.
00:28:07.000 They fried that dude's brain.
00:28:08.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:28:09.000 They fried that dude's brain and made him see the eventual takeover by technology.
00:28:14.000 He was terrified of the takeover of technology of the human race.
00:28:18.000 And he really, literally felt like he was protecting the human race by murdering people who were innovators.
00:28:25.000 Imagine having...
00:28:26.000 A hardcore psychedelic experience on Sandoz LSD straight from fucking Albert Hoffman's sneaker just juiced out of his socks into vials and sent to the CIA. Imagine having that trip,
00:28:42.000 but you're a CIA agent.
00:28:44.000 You work in one of the most covert organizations on earth with people who are trained to kill and poison and take cyanide pills if they have to.
00:28:54.000 To death pills.
00:28:55.000 Imagine being tripping in that kind of environment.
00:28:58.000 That's fucking insane, man.
00:29:00.000 That would be the worst trip.
00:29:01.000 And in this book, it talks about one of these agents, like, ended up committing suicide.
00:29:06.000 Because his mind just couldn't handle what it was like to be part of that web of insanity.
00:29:11.000 And the Senate did trials with the CIA for these ridiculous experiments that they were doing.
00:29:17.000 Some of which involved...
00:29:19.000 Did I tell you about the sleeping room?
00:29:21.000 Did I tell you about this?
00:29:21.000 No.
00:29:22.000 So they would go into, they were doing this shit at mental health facilities and insane asylums.
00:29:30.000 And what they would do is they would take people and they would drug them, they would put them into an induced coma For a month straight.
00:29:39.000 It was called the sleeping room.
00:29:40.000 They would put you in an induced coma for a month straight and have headphones on and try to reprogram who you were as a person.
00:29:46.000 To wipe your fucking identity or replace your identity with some new thing.
00:29:51.000 Because if you can do that, then you create this wonderful fucking operative.
00:29:56.000 You get to just make a person.
00:29:58.000 Get rid of all that...
00:29:59.000 Pesky fucking memories of their parents and whatever the fuck they think they are.
00:30:04.000 And they can do this chemically?
00:30:07.000 Well, no, no, no.
00:30:07.000 This shit got shut down because it's so unethical.
00:30:09.000 But where it gets weird, and we talked about this on the phone, is in Guantanamo Bay...
00:30:15.000 They've been giving people six times the appropriate dose of larium, which is this medication that you give people for malaria that has negative psychoactive effects.
00:30:24.000 Specifically, it gives people amnesia.
00:30:27.000 My friend just fucking wrote a book on getting amnesia in India.
00:30:32.000 He wrote a book called The Answer to the Riddle is Me.
00:30:35.000 His name's David McClain, but he went to India, took larium, Which is a drug that is illegal in some countries.
00:30:43.000 It's a drug that came from a partnership between, what's that big pharmaceutical company, Hoffman, De La Roche, or whatever the fuck the name is, and the military made this shit to fight larium, and larium sits in your liver.
00:30:57.000 But sometimes it crosses the blood-brain barrier, and when that happens, it mouth-fucks your brain.
00:31:04.000 It just mouth-fucks your brain.
00:31:06.000 So you start having these shitty fucking dreams, and then if it really goes wrong, you can have what happened to my friend, which is complete and absolute amnesia.
00:31:17.000 No memory of who you are, no memory of where you are, how you got there, who your family is, anything.
00:31:24.000 No memory of anything.
00:31:25.000 This happened to him in a fucking train station in India, where he said that they would have English, which he could understand on the TVs, and then it would switch to Hindi, it would switch to other languages, and he thought when it switched to other languages, he was hallucinating, and the English was warping and turning into something else.
00:31:44.000 He didn't even know that these were other languages.
00:31:47.000 That's how gone he was.
00:31:48.000 He decked a fucking nurse, dude.
00:31:51.000 Whoa.
00:31:51.000 He decked a nurse.
00:31:52.000 He was strapped down.
00:31:53.000 Male nurse or female nurse?
00:31:54.000 Female nurse.
00:31:55.000 He was strapped down in a fucking bed in an insane asylum in India.
00:32:00.000 He said that Jim Henson, he hallucinated Jim Henson, taking him on a tour of the universe.
00:32:05.000 The stand-up?
00:32:28.000 Whoa.
00:32:34.000 Yeah.
00:32:35.000 Crazy shit, but the really crazy shit is they're giving these motherfuckers in Guantanamo Bay six times the dose of larium that you're supposed to be getting, and there is no malaria in Cuba.
00:32:49.000 It's called chemical waterboarding.
00:32:51.000 Look it up.
00:32:51.000 It's fucking nuts.
00:32:52.000 It's like chemical waterboarding.
00:32:54.000 You just get these bastards, scoop them up from Afghanistan, blindfold them, fly them to fucking Cuba, blast them with larium until they have no idea who they are, and they'll fucking tell you anything, man.
00:33:04.000 Isn't it incredible what they're allowed to do legally, like with this Bradley Manning guy, the guy who got this WikiLeaks situation, he's the one, the soldier that released all the documents.
00:33:14.000 They've had this guy in solitary confinement for years now.
00:33:18.000 Like, he hasn't talked to people.
00:33:20.000 He hasn't seen anything.
00:33:21.000 He sleeps with the lights on.
00:33:22.000 Like, he's probably completely insane by this point.
00:33:25.000 Sure.
00:33:25.000 Like, to be without any human interaction...
00:33:28.000 Joe, it's you laying on a...
00:33:29.000 See, Joe?
00:33:30.000 That's you in the future!
00:33:31.000 That is so not me.
00:33:33.000 And there's you, like, with your cap backwards from, like, ten years ago.
00:33:35.000 Pharmacological waterboarding.
00:33:37.000 Yeah, pharmacological waterboarding.
00:33:38.000 Get those fucking neurons all blasted with larium.
00:33:42.000 Tell them they're Satan.
00:33:43.000 You can tell them anything.
00:33:43.000 You can tell them they're crabs that came out of hell.
00:33:46.000 So fucking freaky that that's us.
00:33:48.000 Remember we used to think that when we were kids, that was what the Soviet Union did.
00:33:53.000 They were cruel, like the way they bred that Drago in Rocky IV. Like, oh look, they're so cruel and cold.
00:34:01.000 The Soviet Union does these horrible things.
00:34:03.000 Yep.
00:34:04.000 And now we're doing that shit.
00:34:05.000 And it is that funny thing where people have this idea.
00:34:08.000 They're like, yeah, you know, the United States, we've done some stuff that maybe isn't the greatest thing ever.
00:34:14.000 We've done it to protect our citizens from terror.
00:34:16.000 Or the idea that that shit that we did with injecting people with syphilis or all the other crazy shit that we've done, the idea that at some point, maybe in the 80s, everyone in the government was like, let's stop being assholes!
00:34:29.000 What were we doing?
00:34:30.000 What were we thinking?
00:34:30.000 Let's just stop doing that crazy shit.
00:34:32.000 Of course it still goes on.
00:34:34.000 Of course there's still...
00:34:36.000 The things that are going...
00:34:37.000 By the way, what do they say?
00:34:38.000 In Rivers and Politics, the lightest shit floats to the surface.
00:34:41.000 The stuff you know about is a million times less freaky than the shit you're not hearing about.
00:34:48.000 The deep level stuff.
00:34:50.000 That's the stuff you gotta wonder about, man.
00:34:52.000 Because Bradley Manning, that's a show pony.
00:34:55.000 Yeah, when you see FEMA pumping 500,000 coffins into Texas, and they have these camps set up, they have these gigantic camps set up where you're like, what is going on in here?
00:35:06.000 There's high fences and these dormitories, and there's armored fucking towers and shit, and you're like, wait a minute.
00:35:14.000 What are these rifle towers doing here?
00:35:17.000 Yeah.
00:35:17.000 Like, what do you have here?
00:35:18.000 Dude, there's already a room in one of those things with your fucking name on the door.
00:35:22.000 Guaranteed.
00:35:22.000 And you too, Red Band.
00:35:23.000 You guys are gonna get dragged off.
00:35:25.000 Dude, what are you talking about?
00:35:26.000 You're going.
00:35:27.000 Fuck that, dude!
00:35:28.000 I got a cyanide!
00:35:29.000 I'm a sports commentator.
00:35:30.000 I'll quit this job.
00:35:30.000 I got a cyanide pill in my molar.
00:35:32.000 I'm gonna snap that thing the moment they come to the door.
00:35:35.000 I'm undercover.
00:35:36.000 This, um...
00:35:37.000 Yeah, that's...
00:35:38.000 Brian has just been a brilliant actor this whole time.
00:35:40.000 You thought it was a retard?
00:35:42.000 Brian, CIA. I've always thought that.
00:35:45.000 All this shit that's going on right now in New York with this Hurricane Sandy, to me, it's making me think of the real possibility that I never really considered of society falling apart.
00:35:58.000 Like, it really fucking could fall apart.
00:36:01.000 Sure.
00:36:01.000 Like this, you know, one of the things they said was this is a once in a 100 year storm.
00:36:06.000 Like it's every 100 years a storm.
00:36:08.000 They actually said after it hit that they'd never had a storm like that before.
00:36:12.000 Yeah.
00:36:12.000 But if you stop and think about it, like what, how much fucking, how much history do we have for storms?
00:36:18.000 What do we have, 300 years that's reliable?
00:36:20.000 Yeah.
00:36:20.000 Do we even have 300 years?
00:36:21.000 I heard we have 100 years of accurate temperature measures.
00:36:26.000 I just heard this because they were talking about it on NPR. But like 100 years and after that you have to start going into ice core samples and tree rings and stuff to figure it out.
00:36:34.000 And then you can only figure out like late frosts and you get like a limited amount of information.
00:36:38.000 But like...
00:36:40.000 This could happen.
00:36:41.000 This could happen all over the fucking place.
00:36:43.000 Like, we're just lucky that for the hundred years of our lives that we haven't had more of these superstorms.
00:36:48.000 These superstorms could be a regular thing.
00:36:50.000 Well, it's, I mean, it's the, you know, the hockey stick idea?
00:36:53.000 The hockey stick, which is like you've got the regular temperature.
00:36:57.000 You have the general temperature of the earth, and that goes on for a while.
00:37:01.000 There was like an ice age in the Apparently a mini ice age in the 1800s where shit got really cold for some reason.
00:37:07.000 Maybe because of a volcano.
00:37:08.000 I can't remember.
00:37:08.000 I don't know.
00:37:09.000 I'm not a fucking geologist.
00:37:10.000 But the hockey stick, the handle of the hockey stick, represents basic temperature for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years.
00:37:18.000 And then where we're at right now is this insane acceleration in temperature, which people call global warming.
00:37:25.000 And so some people say, well, the winters are colder, but...
00:37:29.000 The global warming people are climate change.
00:37:31.000 That's something I think the scientists who came out with this research, they feel like they shouldn't have called it global warming because it's a confusing term and when shit isn't warm, people are like, you're wrong.
00:37:42.000 It's climate change.
00:37:43.000 The idea is, if the oceans get warmer, hurricanes happen later in the season.
00:37:48.000 If hurricanes happen later in the season, then they also meet up with winter storms, which is what this motherfucker was.
00:37:54.000 It wasn't just a hurricane.
00:37:55.000 It was a hurricane meeting like a storm that's normal in October.
00:37:59.000 It's like the two coming together.
00:38:01.000 It's actually three.
00:38:02.000 Three!
00:38:03.000 Fuck!
00:38:03.000 I didn't even know that!
00:38:04.000 Fuck!
00:38:05.000 It was the hurricane combining with two other storms.
00:38:07.000 That's it.
00:38:08.000 So that kind of shit is like, you know, people are saying it's once every hundred years, but it's like, think of fucking Katrina.
00:38:15.000 Think of all the different crazy events that have been happening just in the last 10 or 15 years, man.
00:38:20.000 I mean, come on.
00:38:21.000 Obviously, something's going down.
00:38:23.000 And I think there is a huge possibility that people are just going to have to get used to moving away from the fucking oceans or redesigning homes to handle that shit.
00:38:34.000 While I was in Montana, we were in a place called the Badlands, and we were going down the Missouri River.
00:38:39.000 We stayed and camped mostly in this place that used to be the Great Western Inland Sea, and it was a warm water ocean.
00:38:47.000 So the floor of this area where we were hiking was all mud.
00:38:52.000 It was like a silt, because it was the bottom of the fucking ocean at one point in time, man.
00:38:57.000 And everywhere you go, as you're walking up these hills, as the ground breaks away, you find fossilized seashells.
00:39:05.000 And they could be millions of years old.
00:39:07.000 Like literally millions of years old.
00:39:08.000 Because this used to be a fucking ocean.
00:39:10.000 So it just tells us that we have to abandon this idea that we can stay wherever we want.
00:39:17.000 And that this is our home and we camp out here.
00:39:19.000 No.
00:39:20.000 When the climate changes, which it does, all over the...
00:39:23.000 It doesn't...
00:39:23.000 The Earth doesn't give a fuck if you've got something written on a piece of paper that says that this piece of Antarctica is yours.
00:39:28.000 You can't live in Antarctica, asshole.
00:39:30.000 You've got to get out of there.
00:39:31.000 At one point in time, people used to be able to live in Antarctica.
00:39:33.000 They're almost positive of it.
00:39:35.000 It's a controversial subject, but they have a detailed map of the outside, the...
00:39:45.000 Before it was covered in ice.
00:39:48.000 That's the only way they found it.
00:39:49.000 It's from the 1500s.
00:39:51.000 And they know that ice has existed in Antarctica for a lot longer than that.
00:39:54.000 So it's an old fucking map.
00:39:56.000 But at one point in time, people used to be able to go around Antarctica.
00:39:59.000 And they made a fucking map of it.
00:40:00.000 Wait, didn't people say that it was tropical there?
00:40:04.000 Could be.
00:40:04.000 Yeah, they don't know.
00:40:05.000 Look, there's parts of the world that have varied wildly.
00:40:09.000 I mean, the Nile Valley, where it's a giant desert, used to be a rainforest.
00:40:12.000 You know, we know that...
00:40:13.000 Rainforests recede into grasslands.
00:40:16.000 We know that half of North America was covered in a fucking giant glacier just 14,000 years ago.
00:40:21.000 14,000 years ago, it was like a mile high of ice in a big part of the country.
00:40:26.000 So it's like all this stuff happens whether or not you're driving a Volvo.
00:40:30.000 It doesn't matter.
00:40:31.000 This stuff has changed radically over time.
00:40:36.000 Before any human influence at all.
00:40:38.000 So then it becomes the weird thing where people don't want to admit that we might have some part in this.
00:40:44.000 No, it's very political, and a lot of the people who are climate change deniers, as they call them, are fundamentalists.
00:40:53.000 They're very religious people.
00:40:54.000 Yeah, you're totally right.
00:40:56.000 You know, this fucking young kid who's a Marine brought it up at Jiu-Jitsu the other day.
00:41:00.000 Someone was talking about climate change.
00:41:02.000 He's like, that's a natural process.
00:41:04.000 He's stretching out.
00:41:06.000 He's like 24. I'm like, how the fuck do you know?
00:41:10.000 There's dudes out there that are studying ice samples and core samples and trying to figure out what's going on with the magnetosphere.
00:41:18.000 This 24-year-old kid's like, it's a natural cycle.
00:41:21.000 Just parroting this right-wing talk radio version of what's going on.
00:41:25.000 I think it changes, but I also think we have something to do with it.
00:41:29.000 Well, the fundamentalists have always had a real fucking problem with nature.
00:41:36.000 And so whenever people practice nature religion, like when Christianity was starting to spread, those were the people who were getting turned into fucking marshmallows.
00:41:46.000 What's called pagan just meant country dweller.
00:41:49.000 It's people who are familiar with the cycle of the moon, the equinoxes, the fucking solstices.
00:41:54.000 It's people who are connected To the harvest, which is where food comes from, and the sun, which is what makes the food grow.
00:42:00.000 So it's like really connected to the earth.
00:42:02.000 And then Christianity came around with this fucking bearded, homophobic jock who...
00:42:08.000 You know what I mean?
00:42:10.000 He wasn't a homophobe, though.
00:42:12.000 Who?
00:42:13.000 God?
00:42:14.000 Jesus?
00:42:14.000 No, I'm talking about God.
00:42:15.000 His kid was a little wild, but God was...
00:42:19.000 God didn't like it.
00:42:21.000 God didn't like it.
00:42:21.000 God does not like gays.
00:42:23.000 God, according to those people, and God certainly doesn't like people who are slurping back fucking psychedelic brews and having orgies in the forest to celebrate life.
00:42:34.000 God doesn't like those people.
00:42:36.000 And so he burns them.
00:42:37.000 They burnt all these fucking people.
00:42:38.000 Anyway, the point is, there's always a war on between these fundamentalists who want to believe that the earth is some kind of endlessly renewable resource that you can just rip into and fuck up and bomb and do whatever you want to it, and people who are like, no, this is a living organism and it's infested with these scabies-like bomb-throwing super-advanced beings that are burrowing deep,
00:43:02.000 deep into its hide and sucking out its blood to fill their- Yeah.
00:43:06.000 We're feeding off the blood of the organism.
00:43:09.000 Yes.
00:43:09.000 That's what runs our entire society, is the blood of the earth.
00:43:12.000 And that's pretty incredible.
00:43:13.000 Pretty incredible when you really try to wrap your head around it.
00:43:16.000 That we may very well be parasites.
00:43:19.000 I mean, that's like that bit that I did at the beginning of my 2005 special, where I talked about how we're like mold on a sandwich.
00:43:26.000 Like that mold, you know, we don't think of mold as individual mold spores.
00:43:30.000 We just think of it as mold.
00:43:32.000 Well, if you looked at us from a distance, you would look at us as like mold.
00:43:36.000 We're a disease.
00:43:38.000 And then I said, we might be here to eat the sandwich.
00:43:40.000 I mean, that might be what human beings are here for.
00:43:43.000 That might be why we're so fucking nuts.
00:43:45.000 Well, see, this is the fucking thing, man.
00:43:46.000 We don't even...
00:43:47.000 We are all doing similar activities that are based almost 100% on the accessibility of that...
00:43:56.000 Sweet Texas tea!
00:43:59.000 And that shit comes from inside the earth.
00:44:01.000 And interestingly enough, that shit that we use to fuel our cars comes from an extinction event.
00:44:08.000 Which is really quite fascinating, is that we fuel our society on the...
00:44:14.000 The end result of massive changes to the planet and the pressures causing organic matter under the earth to transform into fucking oil.
00:44:22.000 It's crazy to think about that.
00:44:24.000 We fuel our cars on an ancient apocalypse that happened.
00:44:31.000 That's a fascinating thing.
00:44:32.000 Is it an ancient apocalypse or is it just the accumulation of dead bodies over time?
00:44:36.000 I think it was whatever that fucking meteor impact was that destroyed all those giant trees back then.
00:44:43.000 I don't think that's necessarily what they believe.
00:44:46.000 I think they believe that it's a continual cycle of breaking down of organic matter and converting it into oil.
00:44:51.000 And that's why they used to call it dead dinosaurs, but they don't do that anymore because they realize a lot of it is even plant matter.
00:44:57.000 No, it's everything.
00:44:58.000 Yeah, but that's also why certain wells...
00:45:01.000 Oil wells have gone dry and then actually replenished.
00:45:06.000 I don't know to the original point they were at.
00:45:09.000 There's a guy who wrote a book on it called Black Gold Stranglehold, I think it was.
00:45:15.000 And his contention was that the oil creation by the earth was just a natural product of just the cycle of the earth.
00:45:23.000 It's just like something that it does.
00:45:24.000 And that we are looking at it like it's this finite resource when it's in fact completely renewable.
00:45:30.000 Well, there's like the two schools of thoughts.
00:45:33.000 You get the peak oilers who are like, no, man, that shit is not renewable.
00:45:37.000 We're fucked.
00:45:38.000 That's going to run out and we're fucked.
00:45:40.000 Who's right?
00:45:41.000 What?
00:45:42.000 Who's right?
00:45:42.000 Goddamn, I wish I knew.
00:45:44.000 Don't fucking ask me.
00:45:45.000 I mean, just out of a sense of wanting to be optimistic and having a rosy outlook on things, I love Ray Kurzweil.
00:45:53.000 I love the idea that technology is going to advance to a point where We are able to fix so many of these problems.
00:46:00.000 I tend to fall into that camp.
00:46:02.000 Like my friend Johnny Pemberton, he's not so much, and we always get into arguments over this, because he's like, no, it's just going to fucking...
00:46:08.000 Society's on the brink of collapse.
00:46:11.000 It's going to collapse.
00:46:13.000 Fuck your technology.
00:46:15.000 Motherboards are made of fucking petroleum products.
00:46:18.000 It doesn't matter.
00:46:20.000 There's not enough time, even if we started producing solar panels now, based on the amount of...
00:46:24.000 But his version of it is based on the peak oil version.
00:46:28.000 Yes, that's the peak oil story.
00:46:29.000 And his version is also based on, it's sort of discounting the impact of the exponential growth of technology that eventually someone will come up with a way to convert it.
00:46:38.000 I mean, they've got bacteria now that eats plastic.
00:46:42.000 You know what I mean?
00:46:42.000 They can turn water into hydrogen and use it for fuel.
00:46:47.000 There's a lot of crazy shit that's going on right now.
00:46:49.000 You can't totally, completely discount that.
00:46:51.000 Well, I think this simulation theory stuff that I know you guys probably talk about on the show a lot and I endlessly think about...
00:46:57.000 Endlessly.
00:46:58.000 I think that if these scientists continue with their research, which they're trying to do, the guy at the University of Maryland, that theoretical physicist, if they can prove that we're inside a simulator, then just from understanding that,
00:47:16.000 the kind of shit that you could theoretically do if this is a simulation that's running some kind of like...
00:47:23.000 Weird reproduction of the past.
00:47:25.000 If that's really happening, then time travel becomes super feasible.
00:47:30.000 I definitely have been thinking lately more and more that that is what the case is.
00:47:34.000 Because just like ridiculous things like you saying the Pokemon thing the other day, Joe, the last podcast, that was creepy to me.
00:47:40.000 Like, I can't stop thinking about that.
00:47:41.000 Yeah, why did I come up with Pokemon and he had a Pokemon outfit that he just happened to have and then he walks in the room with it on.
00:47:47.000 It's just...
00:47:48.000 We've never talked about Pokemon before, me and you.
00:47:50.000 Never.
00:47:50.000 Never.
00:47:51.000 But I reached in the back of my head, I pull out Pokemon.
00:47:54.000 That was fucking weird.
00:47:55.000 See, that's simulation shit.
00:47:57.000 This is definitely...
00:47:59.000 Well, our lives are very strange.
00:48:01.000 Very, very, very strange.
00:48:03.000 Ari and I were talking about it last night.
00:48:05.000 We were talking about Ari's life now.
00:48:08.000 Ari and I went to play pool after I did the Laugh Factory last night.
00:48:11.000 We were just talking about how Ari's life has just transformed over the last two years.
00:48:16.000 He went from being a guy who couldn't get booked anywhere to a guy that is living a dream.
00:48:21.000 Everywhere he goes, he's got packed houses.
00:48:23.000 They're all coming out to see him.
00:48:25.000 He's selling out the DC Improv on a Saturday night, selling out big shows.
00:48:29.000 They go crazy when he goes on stage.
00:48:31.000 And it's like all of a sudden the world changed and went from sucky to awesome.
00:48:38.000 And it's like he just reached some new level of the computer game and now the entire world that he's in, his world literally is a different world.
00:48:46.000 Like someone who's unsuccessful, someone who's unfulfilled, someone who's trying to accomplish something but keeps meeting with failure, When that happens over a long period of time, you can develop a deep despair in the way you view the world.
00:49:02.000 And that's where Ari was just a couple of years ago.
00:49:05.000 And now, all of a sudden, he's in this super happy world.
00:49:09.000 Everywhere he goes, people are happy to see him.
00:49:11.000 He's got a big smile on his face.
00:49:13.000 He's fun to hang around with.
00:49:15.000 He's joking around a lot.
00:49:16.000 He's super positive.
00:49:18.000 And he's traveling to all these places and having the time of his life.
00:49:23.000 The world is a different place now.
00:49:26.000 This is why I love the fucking multiverse theory.
00:49:30.000 I love the idea that we exist in a place where every single possible event is happening at once.
00:49:36.000 Everything that could happen is happening.
00:49:38.000 It's all happening in one great...
00:49:41.000 Eternal burst of happening-ness and that you can shift yourself from different nodes of where you are now to more desirable nodes of the multiverse, to places that you want to be.
00:49:54.000 And that's what goals are.
00:49:55.000 You know, having a goal is a form of visualizing the specific node of the multiverse that you would like to be existing in and the contrast between that place and where we currently are.
00:50:11.000 And it's like a grappling hook that you're throwing through infinity and it lands at this place that you can visualize and then you kind of pull yourself to that place.
00:50:21.000 Are you talking about nodes over there?
00:50:23.000 Nodes, dude!
00:50:24.000 Like the things that you put in the front of the lawn?
00:50:28.000 Like the...
00:50:30.000 Not gnomes, dude.
00:50:31.000 Nodes.
00:50:32.000 Gnomes?
00:50:33.000 What's a nose?
00:50:34.000 Stop.
00:50:34.000 It's a node.
00:50:35.000 You're going to have to read before you get into this conversation.
00:50:38.000 I don't know what nodes are.
00:50:39.000 Well, you have to go Google that.
00:50:40.000 Dude, I wish I was talking about gnomes.
00:50:42.000 No, go ahead.
00:50:42.000 Continue.
00:50:43.000 So anyway, so the idea is like these fucking movements through the multiverse as you move towards what you want to become...
00:50:52.000 I feel like a symptom that you're moving towards this new universe that's possible for everyone is that synchronicities start happening.
00:51:00.000 In the same way that when you're in a boat, you can see ripples in the water.
00:51:04.000 When you begin to really focus and move towards a place that you want to be, Regardless of whatever the fuck that place is, if you really start working and going in that direction, that's when the juju starts happening.
00:51:16.000 Weird coincidences.
00:51:18.000 Strange fucking moments that you consider like, man, the probability of that happening is so incredibly fucking low.
00:51:27.000 There's no way that that could happen.
00:51:29.000 And it's quite often absurd.
00:51:30.000 It's novelty.
00:51:31.000 It's like what you're just talking about.
00:51:32.000 Fucking Pokemon.
00:51:33.000 Brian coming out in a Pokemon outfit.
00:51:35.000 This isn't like...
00:51:36.000 Tesla having a vision for alternating current.
00:51:40.000 It's just absurd and silly, but it still fills you with a momentary sense of novelty.
00:51:45.000 This kind of like, wow, this place is pretty fucking cool.
00:51:48.000 I feel like that happens the more I'm tuned into life correctly.
00:51:54.000 And the multiverse theory, as I've understood it, is also based on...
00:51:58.000 Well, one of the operating theories is that every decision that you make, every direction that you go, and every choice that you make...
00:52:14.000 I don't think they do.
00:52:16.000 I think it's a massive mystery to all involved.
00:52:18.000 I think the government understands that they have a certain amount of power and they don't want to let it go, which is what typically all corrupt people do once they get into a position of control.
00:52:27.000 It takes a massive Amount of control over your ego, to be in a position of power and still be moral and ethical and kind and loving, to be in a position of ultimate control, like if you were in the CIA or you ran the NSA or something like that, to be there and have compassion for all of brotherhood and all of mankind,
00:52:48.000 it's really hard to do.
00:52:49.000 It's really hard.
00:52:50.000 It's way easier to be a corrupt cunt and just sort of control shit.
00:52:53.000 But it is possible.
00:52:57.000 It is possible.
00:52:57.000 If it's possible for any one person to be moral and ethical and loving and kind and still be a powerful person, still be a strong and accomplished person, it is possible to be that.
00:53:09.000 So it's possible to run a government that's like that, too.
00:53:13.000 It's just they have to understand what a massive position they're in instead of thinking, well, this is what makes life easier.
00:53:22.000 This is what makes our job easier.
00:53:24.000 This is what makes it easier to clamp down on terror.
00:53:26.000 Instead of looking at it that way, if they just looked at it literally in what is best for mankind.
00:53:32.000 Yes.
00:53:33.000 That's it, man.
00:53:34.000 It can be done.
00:53:35.000 Totally.
00:53:35.000 It can be done.
00:53:36.000 And I think that even thinking along those lines helps to change the world.
00:53:42.000 It sounds totally hokey, but I think that having this conversation and knowing this conversation is going to easily reach a million people, several million people probably over the course of...
00:53:51.000 Yeah.
00:54:13.000 They need to be stopped when they try to drunk drive.
00:54:15.000 We need someone who can protect people from people that are bullies and people that fuck up and let their emotions take control of themselves.
00:54:24.000 We absolutely need that.
00:54:25.000 But we also need a very strong moral backbone to this country that we're completely missing.
00:54:33.000 And we need our eyes, our mental eyes, and our spiritual eyes moved in the direction of...
00:54:39.000 We need a philosophy.
00:54:40.000 Yeah, a story.
00:54:42.000 Not just laws.
00:54:43.000 And also, but there's also the story of the government, the narrative of the government, the narrative of the news, the narrative of, like, media that's giving out information is inevitably a terrible, catastrophic narrative, and it will always be.
00:54:59.000 Whenever you turn on the fucking news, it's a disaster.
00:55:02.000 And I'm not just talking fucking Frankenstorn.
00:55:04.000 I'm talking about, oh God, if you believe the news, then you believe all pitbulls are evil.
00:55:09.000 You believe pitbulls have climbed out of some fucking volcano in hell and are just ravaging the world, chewing the faces off senior citizens.
00:55:16.000 If you believe the fucking news, you would have believed that Africanized bees were coming, communists are attacking, al-Qaeda's marching into our streets to destroy us, Satanists are molesting our fucking kids.
00:55:28.000 And that all politics is corrupt and evil and that the entire planet is on the verge of some ecological catastrophe.
00:55:35.000 Well, the real issue is that there's too many people.
00:55:37.000 There's 300 million people in this country alone.
00:55:40.000 You cannot concentrate in one hour on the news without getting an insane amount of negative shit.
00:55:47.000 Because you're dealing with individual acts over 300 million people.
00:55:51.000 Exactly.
00:55:52.000 So that's where they are directing the consciousness and the attention of all of humanity into these basically anomalies.
00:56:03.000 And if you look at the amount of people right now and the small amount of catastrophe that's happening compared to how many of us there are, it's a fucking miracle every day.
00:56:12.000 Of course.
00:56:13.000 It's incredible.
00:56:14.000 We've talked about this a hundred times, that this is a way safer time than there's ever been in human history.
00:56:20.000 But when you look at people trying to pass laws to take away rights, you would think that there's rioting in the streets and that the world is falling apart.
00:56:28.000 So what is that connection?
00:56:32.000 Why is it that with this time where really things have never been better for the human race, why is there still this overwhelming need to crack down further and further on rights and liberties And control the population more and more,
00:56:48.000 North Korea style.
00:56:49.000 Why is that?
00:56:51.000 Well, I mean, I think that you...
00:56:55.000 It's a trite thing to say, but it's you follow the money.
00:56:58.000 And so I think that if you look and see that, you know, what is it, 48% of people in the prisons are drug-related offenses.
00:57:07.000 If you see, like, the people who are making money off of these laws, I mean, God knows how much money the fucking TSA makes selling their crazy gear that they have, you know?
00:57:15.000 That's a big fucking business, you know?
00:57:18.000 So, I think it's just some people tend to profit off of the mass perception that we are existing in a sort of hell dimension.
00:57:27.000 And there's people who've figured out a way to suckle at those black, satanic teats and extract money from it that they use for their own sense gratification, their own selfishness.
00:57:37.000 And it's a tiny amount of people.
00:57:39.000 Really?
00:57:39.000 Yeah.
00:57:40.000 Statistically speaking, if you look at the greater number of human beings in this country, 300 million people, how many of them are sucking the blood out of the earth?
00:57:47.000 Is it even a thousand?
00:57:49.000 Is it even a thousand industrialists and bankers that are responsible for wielding that kind of power?
00:57:55.000 And how many of them are Masons, Duncan Trussell?
00:57:57.000 They're all Masons, Brother Joe!
00:57:59.000 But here's the thing, man.
00:58:01.000 I think that the stuff that we kind of hit upon when we have these conversations...
00:58:08.000 I think that that kind of stuff is if people's eyes start turning in the direction of the idea, as absurd and quixotic as it might sound, that you can, through a combination of discipline and visualization, create a positivity singularity in your life Where you,
00:58:28.000 your very being and everything around you can like, almost like being in an elevator going up a few floors into paradise, that can happen.
00:58:36.000 Where suddenly, you discard like a snake shedding its skin all the foulness of your, of the fear calcifications that have formed around your life in the form of bad relationships, shitty friends, a negative outlook.
00:58:51.000 You can like drop all that and suddenly experience some version of rebirth.
00:58:55.000 You know, this is why the Christian idea of being born again is a beautiful notion.
00:59:00.000 That's a crazy idea to play around with.
00:59:02.000 The idea that you can renew and rejuvenate your life completely if you just let go of fear and turn your fucking eyes away from the ghost story that these hell buzzards are spoon-feeding us so that they can sell droids and fucking forts.
00:59:19.000 And if you start turning away from that and putting your focus on this idea, you're not always going to be perfect.
00:59:25.000 I mean, you're not going to be suddenly in the Garden of Eden.
00:59:27.000 The people who need to change their idea are the people that are actually doing that, not the people that are buying into it.
00:59:33.000 It's way more important to have the people that are in control change their idea.
00:59:37.000 So how the fuck do you get to the lizards?
00:59:39.000 Well, to get to the fucking lizards, man, I think that what would have to happen would be an exponential shift in the That's where there's a possibility of technology aiding in the evolution because if there comes a technology that allows data to be distributed Probably
01:00:09.000 wireless, probably point to point inside something that's installed in a person's body, like some sort of a chip that's installed in your body.
01:00:17.000 And there'll be some sort of a wireless data network that's like an internet for human beings communicating with each other.
01:00:23.000 And you're going to be able to access the ones and zeros that make up your own fucking personality, too.
01:00:28.000 And people are going to have Yelp scores.
01:00:30.000 Like you're going to meet someone, you'll see like two stars over their head.
01:00:33.000 You're like, oh, look at this asshole.
01:00:35.000 What a dick!
01:00:35.000 Yeah, they're going to be just like, it's just going to be like raiding restaurants on Yelp.
01:00:40.000 You'll meet someone and as you look at them, it'll cursor over them and you'll see stars.
01:00:45.000 And you can't resist that.
01:00:46.000 You're gonna have to go through with that.
01:00:48.000 And when that does happen, then all the people in government are gonna be like, fuck, I have zero stars?
01:00:54.000 Like, I'm a cunt.
01:00:55.000 They're gonna be forced to recognize that.
01:00:57.000 All the people around them are gonna be forced to look at them.
01:01:00.000 And when the soldiers look at the...
01:01:15.000 Remember when we said that likes and Facebook was going to be a currency in the future?
01:01:20.000 Yeah, it could very well be.
01:01:21.000 But I think it'll definitely be a way to look at a person and get a read on who they are before you ever start.
01:01:29.000 Who you are is directly related to how other people feel about you when you're around.
01:01:37.000 That is a big part of who you are as a human.
01:01:40.000 It's how you interact with the rest of the species.
01:01:42.000 Well, if there was a rating system, like a Yelp for people like that that you just saw when you met someone, people would try, oh, so much fucking harder to be nicer.
01:01:50.000 They would try so much harder to fit in, and they would feel the repercussions of having that zero stars over their head.
01:01:56.000 Man, when people are cunts, if you really consider why people are cunts, my theory on it is that they don't understand how important they are.
01:02:05.000 They think they're not important.
01:02:06.000 Usually when someone's being a cunt...
01:02:08.000 It's easy to be a cunt.
01:02:09.000 But it's because you're not...
01:02:10.000 This is something...
01:02:11.000 It's easy to lash out.
01:02:12.000 When Hancock came on my podcast, he talked about ayahuasca and slurping ayahuasca and how one of the effects was that it made you experience the way you made people throughout your life feel.
01:02:24.000 You know, like they talk about the life review and you go into the light and that shit.
01:02:28.000 It's like...
01:02:30.000 I've talked to people who've died and come back, and they say it's not that you watch a video of your life.
01:02:36.000 It's that you literally see the way that you made the people around you feel.
01:02:41.000 You feel that.
01:02:42.000 You feel the way you made the people around you feel.
01:02:44.000 And I think that most people who are dicks, they don't think they're important enough to induce any kind of feeling in the people around them.
01:02:53.000 They don't even think that they're important enough to make someone feel like shit, necessarily.
01:02:56.000 I don't agree with that at all.
01:02:58.000 I don't think that's what's going on at all.
01:02:59.000 I think they're just unhappy, and they lash out.
01:03:02.000 I think that's what being a dick is.
01:03:04.000 It's a projection thing.
01:03:05.000 They are trying to hurt people's feelings, for sure.
01:03:08.000 When someone's being an asshole, they want to have a reaction just to let them know that they're important.
01:03:13.000 I don't think that it's not that they don't feel like they're important.
01:03:15.000 I think their ego's out of control, which is just the opposite of not feeling that they're important.
01:03:19.000 Their importance is more important than anything else in the world.
01:03:22.000 That's why they're willing to lash out at people.
01:03:26.000 I don't want to think that way.
01:03:28.000 But it's an ego issue.
01:03:31.000 Here's what I like to think.
01:03:32.000 Speaking of the node of the multiverse I want to exist in, I want to exist in this node of the multiverse where underneath all the ego calcifications and all the shitty lashing out thing, It's just a super sweet person that happens to have been just walked out of some briny swamp that consists of their family,
01:03:51.000 their job, their life, their past, whatever it is.
01:03:54.000 And they're still dripping with some of the oozing stagnation of being born in a bad incarnation.
01:03:59.000 And the way that that's manifesting is the form of their shitty activities.
01:04:03.000 But underneath that fucking thing, like a mask, is just a person who had to run through a stinky swamp and needs to shower off.
01:04:11.000 Well, how are they mutually exclusive?
01:04:13.000 Because that's exactly what I'm saying.
01:04:14.000 The person who lashes out, they're angry.
01:04:17.000 You know, the person who lashes out, they're trying to hurt people's feelings.
01:04:20.000 It's not that they don't think they're worthwhile.
01:04:22.000 It's that their ego is protecting them from their environment because they've grown up in a hostile place.
01:04:27.000 Well, okay.
01:04:28.000 I'll make an obvious concession.
01:04:31.000 100% of 100% of people, certainly, there is some percentage that probably thinks they're fucking important.
01:04:38.000 And God knows you run into people who are puffed up.
01:04:40.000 God, all day you do.
01:04:41.000 Yeah, but quite often, man, I think that that puffed up thing underneath it, they don't really think they're fucking...
01:04:47.000 I'm saying some people definitely think they're important, but they don't really believe they're important.
01:04:50.000 They don't really think they're worth something.
01:04:52.000 They don't really think that they're part of a web of life that has value.
01:04:59.000 They just feel like they're fucking worthless shitbags, and so they put on a show.
01:05:05.000 See, I think that...
01:05:06.000 I think?
01:05:22.000 So they're not really even thinking about whether they're worthwhile or not worthwhile.
01:05:26.000 They're about ego, they're about reacting, they're about anger and frustration, and they're about selfishness.
01:05:32.000 And when you live a life, especially when you have a job that just sucks the fucking blood out of your body, literally sucks the inspiration out of your soul, you want to be selfish when you're done.
01:05:44.000 I think that's a big part of road rage, a big part of people yelling at you.
01:05:48.000 You don't even want to give someone a few seconds to get in front of you with the car.
01:05:52.000 You want to honk your horn and give them the finger because they made you wait a second or two.
01:05:57.000 I mean...
01:05:58.000 Well, you're having...
01:05:59.000 It's an ego issue.
01:06:00.000 It's a seizure.
01:06:01.000 You're having these kind of seizures and the way they're coming out is in you being a dick.
01:06:06.000 Yeah.
01:06:06.000 But you're just...
01:06:07.000 It's like muscle spasms.
01:06:08.000 But it's all a fucking result of this kind of like...
01:06:11.000 You know, unfortunate, whatever the fucking thing that your past has happened in your past, you're programming.
01:06:19.000 So it's like, I just love this fucking idea that...
01:06:24.000 This is called unconditional positive regard.
01:06:27.000 Have you ever heard this term before?
01:06:28.000 Unconditional positive regard?
01:06:30.000 So it's this idea that if you can manifest around people a state of unconditional positive regard...
01:06:40.000 Okay.
01:06:55.000 So the way to handle that is to manifest something called unconditional positive regard.
01:07:00.000 This is a psychological theory.
01:07:03.000 I can't remember the therapist's name, but they would take kids who were about to go to juvie or whatever from schools, and they would bring these kids to meet with him, because he's a therapist.
01:07:14.000 And these kids have been meeting with therapists their whole lives, because they're fuck-ups.
01:07:21.000 Their experience has always been one of being in offices where someone's trying to change them, turn them into something different, make them feel bad for the way they are, hammer some kind of ethical system into their brain, whatever.
01:07:34.000 So this guy started doing this thing where he let the kids come into his office and he'd just sit there with them.
01:07:40.000 There's like crayons, shit they can draw on.
01:07:43.000 They would do their crazy shit, their little act-outs and freak-outs.
01:07:46.000 But the whole time he was just trying to like be a person with them who wasn't judging them, who wasn't looking down on them and thinking of them as monsters.
01:07:55.000 And so the effect of this shit that he did, it's a whole...
01:07:59.000 I wish I could remember the name of it.
01:08:00.000 It's a whole goddamn type of therapy, but the end result is these kids, their grades started improving.
01:08:07.000 They started to become better people because they were in the presence of someone who was actively trying to, like, appreciate them as human beings.
01:08:16.000 Well, of course.
01:08:16.000 Look, we can...
01:08:18.000 All agree that the number one problem with this society is the way human beings are raised.
01:08:23.000 Human beings are raised by idiots, raised in a really uncomfortable way where they never truly develop character, never truly develop a philosophy or a point of view that aids them in life.
01:08:39.000 How many people go through life perfectly programmed?
01:08:43.000 How many people go through life with a really positive experience of growing up?
01:08:46.000 Very few.
01:08:47.000 That's the real issue, because then those people become adults, they raise their own children, and they try to correct as much as possible, but who knows how much of them has been fucked because of their childhood, and it continues on and on.
01:08:59.000 What I was saying, even when we were talking about the people that run the world, that we need a philosophy for how human beings interact with each other, a code that's never broken, an agreement between all others.
01:09:11.000 And that, to me, is the most important thing that the human race can establish.
01:09:17.000 There is a way you can be successful while having all those things, and that's what people don't understand.
01:09:22.000 There's a lot of people that think that, well, you've got to do what you've got to do to make it in this world.
01:09:26.000 Yeah.
01:09:26.000 No, you don't.
01:09:27.000 That's not true.
01:09:28.000 That's not necessary.
01:09:29.000 There's a lot of businesses that act totally, completely ethically.
01:09:33.000 There's a lot of businesses that get by without fucking people over.
01:09:35.000 You just do it the right way.
01:09:37.000 Life can move in the right direction, and we can still have success and prosperity.
01:09:42.000 It is 100% fucking possible.
01:09:45.000 And the idea that the two things are mutually exclusive is a fucking dirty lie that's been told to you by crooks.
01:09:50.000 Yeah.
01:09:51.000 And the world right now is run by those crooks.
01:09:54.000 They are running the world.
01:09:56.000 When you see all these different bills that are being passed that are slowly eroding the rights of American citizens and slowly taking away your liberties and slowly making it easier for them to spy on you, that is not someone looking out for your best interest.
01:10:12.000 It just isn't.
01:10:13.000 They aren't looking out for the human race as a whole.
01:10:15.000 They just aren't.
01:10:16.000 That's not the right way to approach it.
01:10:18.000 That is the way a shithead approaches it.
01:10:20.000 And so it becomes very obvious that we need to overhaul the system that our country operates under, that the world operates under.
01:10:28.000 Because right now it's operating under a shithead dictator system.
01:10:32.000 And they don't need to be that way.
01:10:34.000 That's the real issue.
01:10:35.000 The real issue is they don't need to be that way.
01:10:38.000 They're that way because they're incompetent.
01:10:40.000 They're that way because they're unhappy.
01:10:42.000 And you can't run the world like a cunt and still be a happy person.
01:10:45.000 You're not going to have as much benefit even in your own life.
01:10:49.000 And our problem is we don't look at the world, we don't look at our life, we don't look at our existence as, you know, what is the most important thing?
01:10:56.000 Well, the abundance of happiness, love...
01:10:59.000 No, no, no.
01:11:00.000 We look at it as money.
01:11:01.000 We look at it as money is the number one most important thing.
01:11:04.000 And the more that you can accumulate, the more you're correct.
01:11:07.000 That's something that has to shift.
01:11:09.000 Money is just simply a part of a good equation.
01:11:13.000 And really, the money that you need to be happy is enough money so that you don't have to think about money.
01:11:17.000 It's an ironic thing.
01:11:18.000 You want enough money so that you can eat and have a roof over your head and be able to enjoy the comforts of home, a nice couch, and normal shit.
01:11:27.000 That is really the money that you need in this life, to have happiness.
01:11:31.000 Health.
01:11:31.000 And money to support health, money to support nutrition, money to support shelter.
01:11:36.000 And once you have that, that is everything!
01:11:39.000 That is where real happiness comes from.
01:11:42.000 And if you don't have that, but yet you have millions and millions of dollars, you're sick.
01:11:46.000 You've missed the point.
01:11:47.000 You've missed the most important part of the equation.
01:11:50.000 The most important part of the equation is...
01:11:53.000 Companionship, friendship, love, happiness, safety, shelter, community.
01:11:58.000 All of those things first!
01:12:01.000 Then, more money.
01:12:02.000 I mean, if you really can become some Richard Branson baller who seems to have good karma and yet has a spaceship, you know?
01:12:08.000 I mean, more power to you.
01:12:10.000 The guy seems to have good karma and yet still has these amazing things.
01:12:14.000 But more important than anything is the first aspect of it.
01:12:18.000 So when you see someone who's fucking completely miserable and they're rich as shit and they're evil as fuck...
01:12:23.000 That's a huge disaster.
01:12:26.000 That's just a huge imbalance and a huge fuck-up for them.
01:12:30.000 Like, they don't understand.
01:12:31.000 You've got to give up some of that to achieve happiness and peace and love and friendship and community.
01:12:37.000 And it's still possible.
01:12:39.000 Have you ever heard the term, the higher taste?
01:12:42.000 Have you ever heard that term before?
01:12:43.000 No.
01:12:44.000 So the idea is that there's a connection.
01:12:45.000 Take those glasses off.
01:12:46.000 You're freaking me out.
01:12:47.000 Come on, let me wear them, man!
01:12:49.000 They're my Waco glasses!
01:12:51.000 There's the idea that you can connect.
01:12:57.000 Now, a lot of people don't like the word God, so get rid of that fucking word.
01:13:01.000 But there's the idea that you can connect with a kind of infinite flow of energy.
01:13:05.000 This is the shit that Tesla talked about.
01:13:07.000 This is the shit that a lot of people have come in contact with this fucking thing.
01:13:11.000 And they have a lot of different words for this fucking thing.
01:13:13.000 But the idea is that once you begin to connect with that thing, or even flirt with the connection to that thing, and figure out ways to like really establish that, when you begin to feel what that feels like, that sense of connection, that sense of being in the flow,
01:13:29.000 being in harmony, that thing, you can't buy that feeling.
01:13:33.000 There's no way money's ever gonna buy that feeling, and it's a feeling that makes any kind of It makes everything else just seem like icing on the cake.
01:13:42.000 And I think a lot of these people have just simply gotten disconnected.
01:13:46.000 They're like a garden hose with a kink in it.
01:13:48.000 They're not getting like an energetic flow.
01:13:52.000 Eating plastic and have this kind of existential nutritional deficiency that manifests in the form of an outbreak of cuntiness.
01:14:00.000 And it's like, it's mostly just because they haven't made that big fucking connection.
01:14:05.000 The connection people make through psychedelics.
01:14:07.000 The connection people make through chanting.
01:14:09.000 I really don't think that you can become a fully developed human being unless you have some series of events in your life, more than one, that break down your vision of the world I think
01:14:40.000 all of that...
01:14:43.000 All those are possibilities.
01:14:45.000 There's different ways to achieve the same effect.
01:14:49.000 But unless you do have those things, you're going to be a child.
01:14:53.000 You're going to die an old child.
01:14:55.000 You're really never going to understand that you've been tricked by your own ego.
01:15:00.000 You've been tricked by your own ego, first of all, into thinking that this is somehow or another permanent.
01:15:04.000 It is unquestionably a temporary experience.
01:15:06.000 You've got to enjoy the shit out of it.
01:15:08.000 You've got to have as much fun as you can while it's going on.
01:15:11.000 But you better be treating it like what it is, because it's fucking temporary.
01:15:15.000 And you're leaving behind a wake and a ripple of shit that is going to go from you on to your ancestors and your shitty kids that you've raised.
01:15:25.000 Yeah.
01:15:26.000 And all the other different people that you've impacted in your life, you've created a horrible ripple of shit because you're imbalanced.
01:15:33.000 Yeah.
01:15:34.000 But they don't have to be.
01:15:35.000 They don't have to be.
01:15:37.000 That's the thing.
01:15:38.000 If all these fucking, you know, these guys that are in secret societies and skull and bones and shit, if they all just dropped the bullshit, stopped being pussies, and took mushrooms, the whole picture would change immediately.
01:15:50.000 Yep.
01:15:51.000 You would have, look at, and folks, this is not, you know, I'm not making this up.
01:15:54.000 Look at John Hopkins University's studies on psilocybin use.
01:15:57.000 And what happened to people with one psilocybin experience over the course of a couple of years, their personalities changed for the better.
01:16:05.000 These pussies, they need to stop dressing up like fucking eyes wide shut and boning each other in the ass and videotaping it and holding each other hostage with the information.
01:16:16.000 Instead of doing it that way, they need to get together and do some fucking mushrooms.
01:16:20.000 But, man, it's such an important thing to make this connection, however you do it.
01:16:25.000 McKenna was really into mushrooms because it was an expeditious way to do it, and he was a believer in 2012 and the idea of some kind of eschatological event that was going to wipe us all out, so we've got to move quick.
01:16:37.000 Ram Dass is like...
01:16:38.000 He actually didn't believe that.
01:16:40.000 His idea was ultimate novelty.
01:16:42.000 But he seemed to be in a rush.
01:16:43.000 His thing was, like, you're not going to get people to, like...
01:16:46.000 This transformation in society you're talking about, he...
01:16:50.000 Maybe fairly recognized that like, let's make this shit happen fast and the fastest way to do it would be to get everyone or as many people as possible to experience the psychedelic state and bring that into the world through our action.
01:17:02.000 Well, no, he didn't really believe in the end of the world for 2012. That's what I'm saying.
01:17:08.000 He thought it was going to be a time machine.
01:17:10.000 He thought it was going to be some moment of ultimate novelty that it was going to be a technological thing.
01:17:15.000 Right, yeah, I guess when I say the end of the world, I mean like his idea was more of a positive end of the world scenario, but still apocalypse, lifting of the veil, transformation of the old ways into some complete moment of novelty.
01:17:29.000 And like he was into like, the reason, I'm just trying to get to the point that he liked to like, he placed mushrooms over meditation.
01:17:35.000 Where there's other people who say, You know, the problem with the psychedelic experience is that it gets you there, and it gets you there quick, but you've got to come back out of that.
01:17:50.000 And the idea is to, like, how can we...
01:17:53.000 Be in that state of consciousness.
01:17:56.000 Not like the walls are melting, but in that state of connectivity all the time.
01:18:01.000 Well, we know a lot of people that have had a series of these psychedelic experiences, and they're still, like, really selfish.
01:18:10.000 Exactly.
01:18:10.000 You know, we know this one guy who's very angry, who's had a lot of mushroom experiences.
01:18:15.000 I mean, a ton.
01:18:16.000 Writes books on it.
01:18:17.000 He's an angry motherfucker.
01:18:19.000 Yeah.
01:18:20.000 Contrary to the vision of the plant itself, the fungus itself.
01:18:24.000 Right.
01:18:24.000 Because it's a teacher.
01:18:25.000 It's just like any other teacher.
01:18:26.000 You can ignore it.
01:18:28.000 And also, if you've got some weird social issues and psychological issues, you can start having grandiose ideas based on psychedelic experiences.
01:18:37.000 I've talked to people that had psychedelic experiences and believed that there's a whole team of beings out there that are looking out for them and that Succeed for what?
01:18:48.000 What's the end goal?
01:18:50.000 What are you talking about?
01:18:51.000 You really believe that?
01:18:53.000 It's like they've chosen to look at only a fraction of the information that's being displayed.
01:18:57.000 Succeed.
01:18:58.000 See, that's brilliant, dude, because that's the thing.
01:19:01.000 With meditation, sometimes I'll go into meditation With a point.
01:19:06.000 Like I'm trying to get something.
01:19:07.000 I'm trying to do something.
01:19:08.000 I'm trying to get like, my mind wants there to be a result.
01:19:11.000 Like, you know, some kind of like metaphysical tricep development or something through meditation because we've been taught To be completely a result-oriented, to live a result-oriented life.
01:19:24.000 And the paradox of meditation is the idea is like, no, no, no.
01:19:27.000 You don't get anything out of this.
01:19:29.000 It's entering into a mind state where you're no longer constantly in the pursuit of the future.
01:19:36.000 You're no longer always chasing whatever the thing is that you think is the moment in the future.
01:19:41.000 You are...
01:19:43.000 Coming into where you are at this very moment, wherever the fuck you happen to be, you know?
01:19:47.000 Fucking lotion all over your dick because you just jerked off to porn or fucking with beer cans all over your fucking house or wherever you are.
01:19:54.000 You get into that moment and become that thing.
01:19:57.000 And the paradox of being fully in that thing is that your situations and conditions will begin to transform.
01:20:05.000 Because that's where the real healing starts happening.
01:20:07.000 The real transformation doesn't start with a fucking beating yourself up.
01:20:12.000 It starts with a sense of like, all right, hold on.
01:20:15.000 Okay.
01:20:17.000 Entry into this dimension created a form of weird amnesia.
01:20:20.000 I apparently have developed the fucking personality of a supreme cunt.
01:20:23.000 I've got some weird fucking hangover that came from my incarnation in this dimension.
01:20:29.000 I'm gonna shake off this hangover and the way I'm gonna shake it off is by fully understanding where I'm at right now.
01:20:35.000 It's a paradox, man.
01:20:36.000 It's something that's like a really strange thing because to get to a place Where you aren't such a cunt and where you aren't trapped, you need to first understand what your prison cell is like.
01:20:48.000 Isn't it fascinating when you see these Wall Street guys, like I read about another one the other day, who's realized that his fund had lost hundreds of millions of dollars, and so he committed suicide?
01:20:58.000 Yes!
01:20:59.000 Exactly, dude.
01:21:00.000 It's just like these strange numbers.
01:21:04.000 Yeah.
01:21:04.000 These abstract numbers that are part of this game, and he realized that the game was over.
01:21:09.000 Wife, kids, the whole deal.
01:21:10.000 Children.
01:21:11.000 He had children.
01:21:12.000 Did you see the fucking guy who burned his house down and took a cyanide pill in court?
01:21:17.000 Did you see that video?
01:21:18.000 Yes.
01:21:18.000 Holy shit, dude.
01:21:19.000 He's like, fucking, that's it, man.
01:21:21.000 He pressed reset because he's going to jail.
01:21:24.000 He was going to jail for a long time, so he decided to take that cyanide pill right in front of everybody.
01:21:28.000 Fuck yeah, man.
01:21:30.000 Cyanide, dude.
01:21:30.000 Fucking, I looked up how that shit kills you.
01:21:32.000 It's goddamn...
01:21:33.000 Crazy, dude.
01:21:34.000 He just sat there.
01:21:36.000 Yeah.
01:21:36.000 He took the pill and just sat there.
01:21:37.000 He started snoring.
01:21:38.000 Yeah.
01:21:39.000 And then his body just started giving up.
01:21:41.000 And then he collapsed.
01:21:42.000 They're like, call hospital.
01:21:44.000 Call 911. Yeah.
01:21:45.000 He's down.
01:21:46.000 Down.
01:21:47.000 Moaning.
01:21:50.000 This is the problem, man.
01:21:51.000 This is like fucking, you know, it's so funny how the Bible's rife with really great information, but if you take it literally, it's retarded.
01:21:58.000 But the Bible's always like, the God of the Bible's always against false idols and is always saying, you know, don't worship false idols.
01:22:05.000 If you worship false idols, you're fucked.
01:22:07.000 And people like that, you know, they started this crazy worship of bullshit.
01:22:13.000 And the end result is you end up in a pretty fucking crappy extinction event.
01:22:19.000 So how does this all play out?
01:22:21.000 Because this is all just assuming that the world is real.
01:22:23.000 Now, we're assuming that the world is some sort of a computer simulation.
01:22:27.000 And by the way, this keeps coming to me.
01:22:28.000 Even Brittany Palmer sent me a tweet the other day about computer simulation code.
01:22:32.000 Very bright girl, by the way, even though she's a ring card girl.
01:22:35.000 It's fucking badass.
01:22:36.000 Yeah, it's fascinating.
01:22:38.000 There's a ring card girl that's into simulation theory?
01:22:41.000 Brittany Palmer's a badass bitch.
01:22:42.000 Jesus.
01:22:43.000 Very cool chick.
01:22:44.000 She's the incarnation of Jesus.
01:22:46.000 Yeah, her boyfriend's into it, too, apparently, because he sent a link to me for me to read.
01:22:52.000 Yeah.
01:22:52.000 What?
01:22:53.000 Oh, the boyfriend?
01:22:53.000 The boyfriend thing.
01:22:54.000 Yeah, that's really great for a while.
01:22:55.000 Handsome, fella.
01:22:56.000 Handsome, very successful.
01:22:57.000 You're fucked.
01:22:58.000 You're not getting in there, kid.
01:23:01.000 That idea, though, the simulation theory is going around the world.
01:23:05.000 A lot of people are looking at it.
01:23:06.000 And one of the reasons, one of the real big ones that sort of catapulted it was when this guy, Dr. Gates, has found hidden error correction codes hidden in the equations of supersymmetry.
01:23:21.000 It's really, really hard to wrap your head around, but in his words...
01:23:25.000 They had found the presence of codes in the equations of physics, not that they were trying to compute something, and the way he describes it says it's a little bit like doing biology, where if you studied an animal, you'd eventually run into its DNA, and that's essentially what's happened to us.
01:23:40.000 These codes that we found, they're like the DNA that sits inside of the equations that we study.
01:23:45.000 So yeah, do we live in the matrix?
01:23:48.000 Yeah.
01:23:49.000 Yeah.
01:23:50.000 Well, man, it's a blast.
01:23:52.000 I mean, the reason it's fucking cool is because it's a new version of a very old idea that's being told using the current state-of-the-art language that we have today.
01:24:05.000 But this idea of the universe being a computer simulation, the Maya, as they call it in India, which means illusion, this is a very old fucking idea.
01:24:15.000 Well, John Wheeler, John Archibald Wheeler, was an American theoretical physicist who was largely responsible, according to the biography on him, largely responsible for reviving interest in general relativity in the United States after World War II. And one of the things that Dr. Gates had said was that he thought that Wheeler was crazy.
01:24:39.000 Yeah.
01:24:58.000 It's undeniable that it's some sort of a code.
01:25:00.000 Right.
01:25:13.000 But what I really think might be going on is that the reality as it stands has many more elements to it than just things you can hit and knock on with your knuckles.
01:25:26.000 Things you could beat with a hammer or throw water on.
01:25:29.000 I think there's a lot more than the solid physical matter of the universe that we're not totally taking into consideration.
01:25:37.000 And I always bring up the idea of the imagination.
01:25:40.000 That we look at the imagination as, well, when I was a kid, you know, oh, he's got such a vivid imagination because I would lie about shit, you know, draw pictures and make up things.
01:25:48.000 But what the imagination really is, is this hail of ideas in your mind that, if followed through, manifest physical things in this reality.
01:25:59.000 So it's not simply just this airy-fairy, woo-woo thing that's like this non-important, intangible aspect of life.
01:26:08.000 No, it's the creator of everything.
01:26:10.000 It's the root behind the creation of every single physical thing, from nuclear power plants to guns to fucking cat clocks.
01:26:18.000 All that shit is created by the imagination.
01:26:22.000 It's a piece of all that shit.
01:26:24.000 It's a laboratory.
01:26:25.000 It's an alchemical laboratory that exists in your mind.
01:26:29.000 And that's one aspect.
01:26:30.000 And another aspect is the exact vibration you put out there.
01:26:35.000 The love that you put out there, the friendship that you put out there, the happiness that you bring to people.
01:26:40.000 You know, look, we're experiencing it in a form with this whole podcast network thing because all of us together, you know, having podcasts, all of us together pushing this.
01:26:51.000 Happy, positive, you know, sort of vibe out there and then having all these happy, positive people come to the shows and experiencing a direct result of this, creating this way of thinking where people are coming up to us on a daily fucking basis.
01:27:06.000 Last night at the Laugh Factory, a bunch of dudes came up to me and said the same thing.
01:27:10.000 You're changing my life.
01:27:13.000 You changed my life, changed the way I look at things, changed the way I'm happier now, I was going through a bad breakup, I was fat, I lost weight, I got healthy.
01:27:21.000 It's all the same thought re-repeating itself over and over and over again.
01:27:27.000 And that thought is that you're putting out a positive thing and positive results are being accumulated because of this transmission.
01:27:35.000 That's right, man.
01:27:36.000 And earlier you were talking about this being technologically enhanced.
01:27:39.000 Well, it is technologically enhanced.
01:27:41.000 This is it.
01:27:42.000 This is it.
01:27:43.000 You're using a technological amplifier to blast positive energy out into the world and it's exponentially increasing the positivity that just starts in this room with a couple of microphones.
01:27:54.000 And that creates big fucking shifts.
01:27:57.000 And not just positive energy, but A positive philosophy that you can use.
01:28:03.000 You can actually apply and get direct results.
01:28:07.000 It will inspire you and you can apply it.
01:28:10.000 Also a philosophy that is being is open source in the sense that the people you're blasting it out to at least my experience has been some of these people email you shit you've never heard before Books you've never heard before.
01:28:22.000 And then that gets added to it, applied to it, and woven into this fucking awesome thing, which is essentially just like an internet salon.
01:28:30.000 It's a kind of salon in the old idea of what it was, which is where a group of people would get together and talk about philosophy.
01:28:36.000 Well, it's where Twitter comes into play is the ability to exchange links in the short form where you're going to read them...
01:28:43.000 People send me emails, Jesus Christ, some of you crazy fucks that send me these 17-page emails on your whole life story.
01:28:52.000 No one's reading that.
01:28:53.000 You can't read those.
01:28:54.000 Stop it.
01:28:55.000 Stop being fucking crazy.
01:28:57.000 But if you send me some shit about self-healing concrete...
01:29:02.000 Yes, that gets read.
01:29:03.000 Did you read that?
01:29:04.000 Yeah, it's amazing.
01:29:06.000 Self-healing concrete.
01:29:07.000 Go past, dude.
01:29:08.000 There's some shit called self-repairing bioconcrete that's made out of bacteria.
01:29:15.000 I mean, it's like every day it's getting weirder and weirder and weirder.
01:29:20.000 And it just does not seem to be ending, man.
01:29:22.000 It's all going on while we're not even paying attention.
01:29:25.000 Well, you're just doing your everyday thing.
01:29:27.000 They're constantly coming up with new, crazier and crazier shit.
01:29:30.000 And this stuff is called bacterial spores that are added to the concrete mix, and they're activated by water.
01:29:38.000 And this experimental concrete, it patches up cracks by itself.
01:29:42.000 I mean, this is fucking bananas, man.
01:29:45.000 It's going to start growing feelings in the future.
01:29:48.000 Yeah!
01:29:48.000 It's going to be like we can't drive on the road because it hurts it.
01:29:50.000 Well, wouldn't it be crazy if your house became something you could talk to?
01:29:54.000 Hey, I'm home.
01:29:55.000 How are you?
01:29:56.000 And you touch the walls and it's happy to see you and shit.
01:29:59.000 I mean, that doesn't seem outside the realm of possibility.
01:30:02.000 Go into the attic once in a while and let the house know who's boss is.
01:30:05.000 Yeah, fuck its brain in the attic.
01:30:09.000 When you stop and think about it, if we do come up with smart computers, what if one of the things that we do is make your whole house a living network?
01:30:17.000 That'd be crazy.
01:30:18.000 Yeah, you come home and your house literally feeds off of your positive feelings.
01:30:23.000 Your house is like, is it cold enough for you?
01:30:25.000 Is it warm enough for you?
01:30:26.000 Would you light the lights on?
01:30:27.000 And you go, can you turn on channel 20?
01:30:29.000 Yeah, 20, ding dong, home shopping network.
01:30:32.000 You know, you can do whatever the fuck you want through communicating with your house.
01:30:36.000 You tell it when to turn the lights on, tell it when to turn the lights on.
01:30:39.000 That's all coming.
01:30:40.000 Your house is going to be like one giant computer.
01:30:42.000 You're not even going to reach for the faucet.
01:30:44.000 You're going to say, turn the hot water on.
01:30:45.000 And then if you had like an Asian fetish, you'd buy like an Asian-themed type looking house.
01:30:50.000 Or if you like the, you know, like Western girls and like a ranch.
01:30:55.000 Yeah, your house could be like really like a muted Japanese lady that's super polite and shy.
01:31:02.000 Yeah.
01:31:02.000 Hi!
01:31:03.000 Hi!
01:31:03.000 Hi!
01:31:04.000 Yeah, you could...
01:31:05.000 Your house could talk to you.
01:31:07.000 I mean, it could have a voice.
01:31:09.000 Do you remember when you...
01:31:09.000 It was a true story.
01:31:10.000 Brian was dating this chick, and she got jealous of his navigation system because it was a hot girl's voice.
01:31:17.000 Yeah.
01:31:17.000 She made me change to a guy, so I'd choose the British guy, but then I acted like I was gay for him every time he talked to me.
01:31:23.000 Isn't that hilarious that someone could actually be jealous of the navigation system's voice?
01:31:27.000 That's when you know you've got a rock-solid relationship.
01:31:29.000 Yeah.
01:31:30.000 When your chick is upset at the navigation system, who's this fucking whore telling us where to go?
01:31:36.000 Turn left.
01:31:38.000 Here.
01:31:38.000 Like, ew, I hate this girl's voice.
01:31:41.000 Ew.
01:31:42.000 Fake computer.
01:31:44.000 Well, it was even better.
01:31:45.000 It was like a TomTom, and with TomToms you can download celebrity voices.
01:31:49.000 So I started dating it.
01:31:50.000 It was like Cameron Diaz or something like that.
01:31:52.000 You can do that?
01:31:53.000 Yeah.
01:31:53.000 You could do Yoda.
01:31:54.000 Oh, did you guys hear about fucking Star Wars getting bought by Disney?
01:31:57.000 Yes.
01:31:58.000 That's ridiculous.
01:31:59.000 You think that's good or bad?
01:32:00.000 Um, well, look, let's be honest.
01:32:04.000 The last Star Wars movies sucked a fat one.
01:32:07.000 Yeah.
01:32:07.000 They all sucked.
01:32:08.000 They sucked.
01:32:09.000 And Ari was saying that, you know, we're just in denial that if you go back and try to watch Star Wars, it sucked too.
01:32:15.000 And I say it didn't suck because it only sucks today if you compare it to the movies of today.
01:32:21.000 Right.
01:32:23.000 When Star Wars was released, it was groundbreaking, man.
01:32:26.000 There's no denying.
01:32:27.000 It's like saying that if you go back and listen to Lenny Bruce, you won't laugh.
01:32:31.000 It doesn't matter.
01:32:32.000 It's still super groundbreaking.
01:32:34.000 Have you seen the video of the pre-voiceover Darth Vader?
01:32:37.000 No.
01:32:38.000 The guy who did Darth Vader's voice before Morgan Freeman did it?
01:32:41.000 I'm your father.
01:32:42.000 It's fucking awesome.
01:32:43.000 It wasn't Morgan Freeman.
01:32:44.000 Not Morgan Freeman.
01:32:46.000 Fuck.
01:32:46.000 Wow, that's racist.
01:32:47.000 The other guy.
01:32:48.000 No, it isn't.
01:32:49.000 They both have awesome voices.
01:32:50.000 Yeah, who was it?
01:32:51.000 The guy who did...
01:32:52.000 He was in Thulsa Doom in Conan, too.
01:32:55.000 What the fuck's his name?
01:32:57.000 Does a lot of commercials.
01:33:01.000 What the fuck's his name?
01:33:03.000 Earl Jones.
01:33:03.000 James Earl Jones.
01:33:05.000 Yeah, that guy.
01:33:07.000 But if you go back and watch those Star Wars movies, there was a couple of good ones.
01:33:11.000 They were decent.
01:33:12.000 They were great for the time.
01:33:13.000 But the new ones are fucking terrible, man.
01:33:16.000 They're just terrible.
01:33:17.000 It's like George Lucas lost his connection.
01:33:22.000 It's really sad.
01:33:23.000 Sucks!
01:33:24.000 It's like the guy needs to do squats and run some hill sports.
01:33:27.000 Squats is not going to make Star Wars better.
01:33:29.000 He's got no life to him.
01:33:31.000 There's no passion there.
01:33:33.000 There's no fire.
01:33:34.000 There's no real threat.
01:33:37.000 It's just all just mush.
01:33:39.000 It's just mushy, mush, stupidity.
01:33:41.000 I just hope they don't have Jar Jar Binks like Disney's.
01:33:44.000 No, we're going to reinvent Jar Jar.
01:33:46.000 He's going to be a vampire this time.
01:33:48.000 He's going to have a sexy kid.
01:33:49.000 Jar Jar Bank's like, what the fuck was that?
01:33:52.000 That's like, just taking an Ewok and just removing everything that's good about it and adding more stupidity.
01:34:00.000 And what's even creepier is when they changed it.
01:34:02.000 Like, they just re-released all the Star Wars on Blu-ray, and I guess they did all these things like making the Ewoks blink now, because they didn't used to blink, I guess.
01:34:09.000 I don't remember.
01:34:10.000 But now, that's even creepier, because now you know that's fake.
01:34:14.000 Yeah, you know that they fixed that.
01:34:16.000 Did you see the Dark Crystal?
01:34:18.000 Yes.
01:34:19.000 I fucking love that shit, man.
01:34:20.000 It's one of my favorite movies.
01:34:21.000 Yeah, good movie.
01:34:22.000 And that's another movie I bet Ari would say, like, yeah, you watch it now, it sucks.
01:34:25.000 I'm like, no, still, you remember it as a child, you grew up with that movie, it's like a classic.
01:34:30.000 There's a lot of good movies that are still good.
01:34:32.000 I think these movies, man, I don't keep meaning to go back to this hippie shit, but I guess I will for the rest of my life.
01:34:37.000 I swear, man, I think these movies all came because people were taking acid and mushrooms and, like, tripping out.
01:34:44.000 And really going for it.
01:34:46.000 I think that's what those movies came from, is a psychedelic, bringing something back from the psychedelic universe and then using art as the kind of clothes that you drape around this hyper-dimensional form.
01:35:01.000 I think that's the fucking job, man.
01:35:03.000 You go out into that place and you try to bring back the crazy shit that you catch there.
01:35:09.000 It's like hunting trips into alternate dimensions.
01:35:13.000 But instead of catching animals, you're catching thoughts.
01:35:16.000 And you're bringing them back.
01:35:18.000 And then you're trying to bring them to life by putting them in some form.
01:35:21.000 Pouring them into the mold of your music, your movie, your book, whatever the thing is.
01:35:26.000 Like what Alex Gray does, for example.
01:35:29.000 Yeah.
01:35:30.000 Yeah, he really does that.
01:35:31.000 He's better than anybody of capturing that dimension and bringing it back to reality.
01:35:36.000 What a beautiful guy that guy is, too.
01:35:39.000 Hanging out with him was so intense.
01:35:40.000 He's just so crackling with positivity and love.
01:35:44.000 No matter what I was shit on, he would find a way to look at the bright side of it.
01:35:48.000 Ah, that's cool.
01:35:48.000 I was shitting all the fat people at Disneyland on scooters, and he's talking about how great it is that Disneyland is accessible for wheelchair.
01:35:58.000 I love people like that, dude.
01:36:00.000 Those people are the best.
01:36:01.000 This guy, Raghu Marcus, who I have on my podcast, who helps run the Love Server Member Foundation, which is Ram Dass' foundation, They have a podcast now called Mind Rolling.
01:36:13.000 And it's him and his friend.
01:36:14.000 And these guys, man, they're so fucking cool.
01:36:16.000 And I was on the podcast.
01:36:17.000 And we were talking about...
01:36:19.000 I'd work myself up into a real hippie lather over fucking people dying in war.
01:36:26.000 And the drones.
01:36:27.000 I was really mad and really spewing.
01:36:29.000 I was coming from anger.
01:36:30.000 And it's like, these are people we're killing.
01:36:32.000 And the way they dealt with that blast of negativity...
01:36:36.000 It was super cool, because it wasn't like, you shouldn't be negative.
01:36:39.000 It was like, but hold on.
01:36:41.000 Think about how angry you are right now.
01:36:43.000 Think about the mind state that you're in right now.
01:36:45.000 Think about where you're at right now.
01:36:47.000 You have now created a fucking division.
01:36:52.000 You are no longer in a state of unit of consciousness.
01:36:55.000 You've now parsed the universe and you have done the exact same thing that causes war to happen.
01:37:01.000 The exact same thing that causes conflict is the way that the mind tends to create the good guys, the bad guys.
01:37:12.000 The evil forces and the good forces.
01:37:14.000 Right now we've got Al-Qaeda.
01:37:15.000 Used to be the communists.
01:37:17.000 Before it was the fucking communists.
01:37:19.000 It used to be the fucking British.
01:37:21.000 You know what I mean?
01:37:22.000 There's always the Nazis.
01:37:24.000 There's always that paradigm.
01:37:25.000 There's always that setup of the enemy and the good and the bad.
01:37:28.000 And the paradox of that game is that you inevitably...
01:37:33.000 Continue the very fucking thing that you so dreadfully want to stop.
01:37:37.000 And that's the problem.
01:37:40.000 Right.
01:37:40.000 In creating that conflict and attacking, you automatically create a war.
01:37:45.000 And you automatically give someone something to fight for.
01:37:48.000 And these people like Alex fucking Gray or Raghu Marcus or Ram Dass, that's what they...
01:37:52.000 They're re-diverting it and making things always positive.
01:37:55.000 They're trying.
01:37:55.000 And that's alchemy, man.
01:37:57.000 It's amazing.
01:37:58.000 But, by the way, there's no comedy in that.
01:37:59.000 You've got to be able to shit on fat people.
01:38:00.000 Oh, you do.
01:38:01.000 That's true.
01:38:03.000 I still need to see that South Park, Joe.
01:38:05.000 Which one?
01:38:06.000 Scooters?
01:38:07.000 Yeah, I do.
01:38:07.000 There's about a thousand South Parks I really need to see still.
01:38:10.000 But dude, you know what?
01:38:12.000 Load up your iPhone, you know?
01:38:13.000 Yeah, what I need to do is just like next trip I go on, just blow the iPad up with like all the best episodes.
01:38:19.000 Is there a greatest hit to South Park?
01:38:21.000 Yeah, there is, but the best ones, you could download the season and the last five, even.
01:38:27.000 I've just forced myself recently to start watching stand-ups, watching comedy again.
01:38:34.000 There's a lot of bad stand-up out there, man, but I rarely watch comedy these days.
01:38:40.000 On television, I don't watch sitcoms.
01:38:43.000 That's why I don't watch South Park.
01:38:45.000 I love South Park, but when I'm alone, I don't go to comedy.
01:38:49.000 I almost always go to science.
01:38:51.000 We're good to go.
01:39:13.000 And you can't hunt crocodiles in America.
01:39:15.000 We're trying to revive them, Duncan, because it's important to bring the most ruthless and fucking aggressive lizard.
01:39:21.000 Bring them back.
01:39:21.000 Bring them back to a healthy breeding population so we have to worry about our dogs.
01:39:24.000 Release them downtown in downtown L.A. A dog just got snatched off a bridge in Miami.
01:39:29.000 Six foot off the water, this fucking crocodile jumps up and grabs a dog and pulls it into water for a death roll.
01:39:36.000 Fucking dog!
01:39:37.000 A Labrador, I think.
01:39:38.000 That sucks.
01:39:39.000 Those death rolls suck.
01:39:40.000 That video of the guy who puts his hand in the alligator's mouth.
01:39:43.000 Did you see that?
01:39:44.000 Of course you've seen that for a million times.
01:39:46.000 Say crocodile.
01:39:47.000 Those are crocodiles.
01:39:48.000 Alligator.
01:39:49.000 Is it?
01:39:50.000 I don't know.
01:39:50.000 Crocodiles are much more aggressive.
01:39:52.000 What's the difference?
01:39:53.000 They're bigger, more aggressive, more dangerous.
01:39:56.000 It's like the difference between a poodle and a pit bull.
01:39:58.000 You know what's cool, though, man?
01:40:00.000 The good thing?
01:40:00.000 It's interesting how not all animals learn to swarm.
01:40:04.000 Like, only bees swarm.
01:40:05.000 Like, alligators and crocodiles, they'll, like, if you throw meat into where they're at, they'll eat it.
01:40:09.000 But there's not, like, organized swarms of alligators.
01:40:13.000 That would change the fucking game.
01:40:14.000 Well, they would if they're hungry.
01:40:16.000 If they're hungry and something goes in the water, like when a wildebeest or an antelope gets jacked, they all rip it apart.
01:40:21.000 Yeah, but they're not like wolves.
01:40:23.000 They don't hunt.
01:40:24.000 They don't stalk animals.
01:40:26.000 They have a way better setup.
01:40:28.000 They hold their breath for hours underwater in muddy water.
01:40:31.000 They just stay put.
01:40:32.000 And then they explode out of nowhere when you have to come and drink because there's only one waterhole.
01:40:37.000 Crocodiles are way better than wolves.
01:40:39.000 Oh, please.
01:40:39.000 They're in Africa.
01:40:40.000 They're in Africa where there's a fucking million animals and they all have to come to this waterhole.
01:40:45.000 This is the end of our friendship.
01:40:47.000 28-foot-long dinosaurs that haven't changed in over 200 million years are waiting, holding their breath for hours.
01:40:54.000 Oh, and by the way, they don't have to eat for a year.
01:40:56.000 Sorry, man.
01:40:56.000 Wolves are better than alligators.
01:40:58.000 I mean, fuck!
01:40:59.000 How dare you, man!
01:41:02.000 I just realized I'm wearing a wolf hat.
01:41:05.000 Defending wolves!
01:41:06.000 Next topic, please!
01:41:10.000 I didn't realize that was happening.
01:41:12.000 A wolf spirit hat.
01:41:13.000 Stick it up for the wolves, man!
01:41:15.000 That's right.
01:41:16.000 We gotta protect him, bro!
01:41:17.000 Brian, pull up the video of a wolf killing, wolves killing a coyote.
01:41:23.000 Put on your wig, Duncan.
01:41:24.000 It's pretty, the wig doesn't work that good.
01:41:26.000 Doesn't work at all.
01:41:26.000 Isn't it funny that, like, there's a certain amount of shit you could wear, like, in your daily life that they'll allow you to wear, like, that's a costume outside of being dressed up for Halloween.
01:41:37.000 Like, you can wear a toupee.
01:41:38.000 Yes.
01:41:39.000 That is not your fucking hair, but you can wear a toupee.
01:41:41.000 Sure.
01:41:41.000 But you can't wear a fake mustache.
01:41:43.000 Nope.
01:41:44.000 What?
01:41:44.000 If you wear a big fake mustache to try to go through security, they'll go, Sir...
01:41:50.000 Will you take the mustache off, please?
01:41:51.000 You're like, no, no, no, no, no.
01:41:53.000 I'm really insecure about my lack of a mustache.
01:41:57.000 I used to have a mustache, but my hair fell out of my upper lip, so now I have a toupee mustache.
01:42:02.000 That is weird.
01:42:03.000 You've got to take your hat off when you go through TSA, but you don't have to take off your toupee.
01:42:07.000 What if you had a Merkin and they were like, there's something showing up in your crotch?
01:42:12.000 You're like, yeah, nothing.
01:42:13.000 It's nothing.
01:42:14.000 You're like, what's going on?
01:42:15.000 Can you please unzip your pants?
01:42:17.000 You have this giant Jufro down in your crotch because you've just always been really insecure about not having any pubic hair.
01:42:24.000 So you just glue just this patch of fucking doom.
01:42:28.000 And everything is bone dry.
01:42:29.000 Your balls are bone dry.
01:42:30.000 Your dick's bone dry.
01:42:31.000 Not hair on your dick.
01:42:32.000 I have like stray hairs that are growing out halfway up my dick every now and then.
01:42:36.000 I gotta pluck them out.
01:42:36.000 Oh, you pluck them?
01:42:38.000 Pluck them, rip them right out of the fucking roots.
01:42:40.000 Ow, fuck that.
01:42:40.000 Out of the roots.
01:42:41.000 My pubes are ridiculous.
01:42:43.000 If I let them grow, it's a fucking jungle down there.
01:42:45.000 But some dudes, they don't have that, so they just have a merkin.
01:42:48.000 And you go through security.
01:42:49.000 Do you think they let you keep that merkin?
01:42:51.000 No, you gotta strip it.
01:42:52.000 There's probably a bucket of them.
01:42:53.000 It's probably a dog that will snatch it off.
01:42:56.000 Bite you.
01:42:56.000 Bite your cock if you don't pull that merkin off.
01:42:58.000 You could have a bomb on that merkin.
01:42:59.000 I've never even heard the term merkin.
01:43:01.000 Merkin sweat?
01:43:02.000 You ever tasted it?
01:43:03.000 What's a merkin?
01:43:04.000 I think it's like a fake pubic hair beard.
01:43:08.000 It's a fake bush.
01:43:09.000 But for what reason?
01:43:10.000 No, hold on.
01:43:10.000 It's because a lot of girls...
01:43:12.000 I thought you were awake Making that up.
01:43:13.000 There's no such thing.
01:43:14.000 There's two things.
01:43:16.000 A lot of girls get their shit lasered off.
01:43:18.000 So once in a while they want to have a bush.
01:43:23.000 And then they also have strippers or chicks that want to...
01:43:26.000 There's no muff wigs.
01:43:28.000 It's like piercing.
01:43:29.000 It was invented a long time ago.
01:43:31.000 It was to combat pubic lice.
01:43:34.000 They're originally worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia.
01:43:39.000 They're now used as decorative items in erotic devices or in films.
01:43:43.000 Yeah, it was in the 1450s.
01:43:44.000 Jesus.
01:43:46.000 Women shaved their hair and they wore a merkin in the 1400s to combat pubic lice.
01:43:52.000 And prostitutes would wear them to cover up signs of disease, such as syphilis.
01:43:57.000 So they have a big fucking wig over their syphilis.
01:44:00.000 Hey, if your fucking prostitute is wearing a pussy wig, you should be suspicious.
01:44:05.000 Do you think people went raw dog with prostitutes back then?
01:44:09.000 It's like a bathroom rug.
01:44:11.000 After a while, she has an old merkin on.
01:44:13.000 It's like a bathroom rug.
01:44:14.000 It's just all fucking mildew.
01:44:17.000 In Hollywood filmmaking, merkins are worn by actors and actresses to prevent inadvertent exposure of the genitalia during nude or semi-nude scenes.
01:44:25.000 If a merkin were not worn, it would be necessary to restrict the shot to exclude the genital area.
01:44:31.000 Dude, have you ever heard of the way they shoot sex scenes, how they bring the boyfriends in?
01:44:36.000 Have we already talked about this?
01:44:37.000 Oh, and the guy watches?
01:44:38.000 The guy watches.
01:44:39.000 What is that about?
01:44:40.000 Doesn't that suck?
01:44:42.000 Listen, you can't have someone have a fake sex scene with someone that's hot.
01:44:46.000 They're gonna get hard.
01:44:48.000 Fuck no.
01:44:48.000 I had a friend who did a fake sex scene in some terrible movie, and the girl goes, you can fuck me if you want.
01:44:54.000 Ooh.
01:44:54.000 The girl actually said that.
01:44:55.000 He's like, I don't think I can.
01:44:57.000 He didn't know what to say, but he's on top of her fake thrusting into her asshole with his flaccid penis.
01:45:03.000 Can you fucking imagine being someone's husband and sitting and watching them get fucked by Bruce Willis in some dark room?
01:45:11.000 Fuck Bruce Willis.
01:45:12.000 How about like...
01:45:12.000 Bruce Willis?
01:45:13.000 Yeah.
01:45:13.000 I don't know.
01:45:14.000 How about, like, The Rock?
01:45:15.000 Looper was great.
01:45:16.000 The Rock is just, like, his giant tattooed chest is sweating into your wife's mouth as he's fake pumping her with her legs over her head.
01:45:25.000 Fucking her in a way you could never possibly do with your lift frame and your jogger's body.
01:45:32.000 Big, giant, fucking Samoan tribal tattoos on his roided-up chest, and he's just pumping his giant, semi-hard cock on the outside of your wife's pussy.
01:45:43.000 And you know, deep inside, she's just slippery and gliding, and she wished she would just shove it in.
01:45:49.000 I don't care who's watching.
01:45:50.000 And you're sitting there, um, is this over?
01:45:52.000 Have you got enough takes of this?
01:45:54.000 Is this, are we done here?
01:45:56.000 Are we done here?
01:45:57.000 Enough!
01:45:59.000 What if it was Louie Anderson?
01:46:01.000 I'm going to get that.
01:46:02.000 Your wife's pussy.
01:46:03.000 And you have to watch somebody gross.
01:46:05.000 John Lovitz.
01:46:06.000 John Lovitz.
01:46:08.000 Sloppy dude eating a fucking hot dog while he bones your wife.
01:46:11.000 The sideways glances.
01:46:12.000 He's got to pick his gut up like an underhook.
01:46:16.000 Like a deep, like a chimp.
01:46:18.000 Remember those chimps in the buckets?
01:46:20.000 That would be how their paws would connect.
01:46:22.000 You would play that game with the plastic chimps.
01:46:25.000 Well, he's got to take his hand in sort of that position to just suck up the gut and pull it up so his short, semi-hard penis can even get inside your woman.
01:46:33.000 And the stink wafting out of that flap is like a homeless dude just took off his boot.
01:46:39.000 Just like...
01:46:41.000 Just a combination of the LA River after a flood of this shit rolling in water and fucking...
01:46:48.000 What is it?
01:46:49.000 What is it?
01:46:50.000 Tepid water?
01:46:51.000 No, what is it in water when it's stagnant?
01:46:53.000 Stagnant water and shit and old loads.
01:46:56.000 Old loads in there.
01:46:57.000 Just old briny old fucking loads.
01:47:00.000 And his cum comes out like snot when you have the flu.
01:47:03.000 Just yellow.
01:47:05.000 You know how you blow your nose when you have the flu and it comes out all yellow?
01:47:08.000 That's how his loads look.
01:47:09.000 It's like the death sneeze of someone with malaria.
01:47:12.000 It's like your last sneeze.
01:47:14.000 Inside of a Boston cream donut, that yellow custard.
01:47:17.000 Oh, fuck.
01:47:20.000 Yeah, it sounds.
01:47:21.000 Except it's not as smooth and delicious looking.
01:47:23.000 Yeah, a little congealed.
01:47:25.000 A little cottage cheesy.
01:47:27.000 And it burns.
01:47:28.000 And it burns, yeah.
01:47:29.000 It stings.
01:47:30.000 And it stings your eyes, too.
01:47:31.000 You have to run to the bathroom, and if you get it on your eyes, you'll start crying.
01:47:34.000 It smells onion-y.
01:47:36.000 It's like fumes coming up from an old onion.
01:47:39.000 I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and I didn't tell him this because his breath was so bad.
01:47:44.000 I literally thought he shit himself.
01:47:46.000 And I didn't know how to...
01:47:47.000 I just decided I was too high to break it down.
01:47:50.000 And he was sober.
01:47:51.000 And I was like, oh my god, I can't talk to you.
01:47:53.000 And it's so true.
01:47:54.000 People who have shitty breath want to tell you these fucking long, stupid stories.
01:47:58.000 And he wanted to tell me this long story.
01:48:00.000 And it was just like prisoners had been farting in his mouth.
01:48:04.000 It was just...
01:48:07.000 It was just like he had held his mouth open and every fucking prisoner in cell block D just farted in his mouth.
01:48:15.000 It was so bad.
01:48:17.000 I literally thought he shit his pants.
01:48:19.000 It was horrible.
01:48:21.000 It's not me, is it?
01:48:21.000 No, it's not you.
01:48:22.000 I would tell you.
01:48:23.000 It is weird, isn't it?
01:48:26.000 But it is weird how bad breath is almost like a demonic force that possesses people and compels them to tell the longest, most boring stories.
01:48:34.000 It is weird how people with bad breath want to tell you fucking stories.
01:48:38.000 It's a strange thing.
01:48:40.000 I want people to tell me about my bad breath.
01:48:44.000 If I have bad breath, please tell me.
01:48:45.000 Because I know I have it.
01:48:46.000 Especially if I do a long show.
01:48:48.000 You do a show and you're talking for an hour and a half.
01:48:51.000 Your breath must be gross.
01:48:52.000 You drink a little water here and there.
01:48:55.000 But you're not refreshing your mouth.
01:48:56.000 It's like...
01:48:57.000 Stomach acids.
01:49:01.000 It's probably disgusting.
01:49:02.000 Tell me!
01:49:03.000 But I wouldn't tell him.
01:49:04.000 You know why?
01:49:05.000 Some people can handle it.
01:49:06.000 Some people get all butthurt.
01:49:07.000 Remember when you went through that brief phase where you were like, I'm not wearing deodorant.
01:49:10.000 It's the smell of a man.
01:49:11.000 And you were going everywhere.
01:49:12.000 It's stinking.
01:49:13.000 What the fuck was so bad about?
01:49:15.000 Well, I thought that, first of all, deodorant, I thought it was bad for you.
01:49:19.000 And it is bad.
01:49:20.000 But I decided that if you get cancer from deodorant, you're a fucking pussy.
01:49:23.000 That's what I think.
01:49:24.000 That's how I feel.
01:49:26.000 Yeah, I stopped wearing deodorant for a little while and just washed myself.
01:49:28.000 But I'm way too funky.
01:49:31.000 And I eat too much meat, man.
01:49:32.000 I'm too much of a predator.
01:49:34.000 I smell my armpits.
01:49:36.000 Yeah, man.
01:49:36.000 Do you think that, like...
01:49:38.000 That's why deer run from you, by the way.
01:49:40.000 Do you think if you lived on some kind of forest saint diet and you only ate honey and fucking flowers, you think you'd stop stinking?
01:49:52.000 Oh yeah, 100%.
01:49:53.000 Yeah, part of what you're smelling is uric acid and all sorts of different shit that comes through your pores.
01:49:57.000 It comes directly as a result.
01:49:59.000 A lot of the smells...
01:50:00.000 It comes directly as a result of eating meat.
01:50:02.000 In fact, that's one of the things that deer freak out about.
01:50:06.000 When deer catch you in their nose and they run away, that's like when they run away the quickest.
01:50:12.000 When we were hunting, when the wind would come off of you and go towards the deer, they would go, I'm getting the fuck out of here.
01:50:19.000 There was no mistake in their mind that you were a predator.
01:50:22.000 You smell like a meat eater.
01:50:24.000 I think there's a smell.
01:50:27.000 Like, vegans have a very different smell than people who eat a lot of meat.
01:50:31.000 If you eat, like, a lot of steak and burgers and shit, you definitely develop a different smell.
01:50:35.000 Yeah, it's true.
01:50:37.000 Yeah, 100%, man.
01:50:39.000 You know, your shit smells different.
01:50:41.000 Jesus Christ.
01:50:42.000 When I drink nothing but kale shakes for a couple days, my shit doesn't smell bad at all.
01:50:46.000 It goes right through me.
01:50:47.000 It smells like pineapples.
01:50:48.000 And I flush this giant green pineapple smoothie out of my ass.
01:50:53.000 But it doesn't smell bad at all.
01:50:55.000 Right.
01:50:56.000 When you're eating a lot of meat, man, you're breaking down a lot of shit.
01:50:59.000 Look, man, I'll tell you the recipe for some pretty awful dumps if you want to know out there.
01:51:04.000 I got mine, too.
01:51:06.000 We should share it.
01:51:08.000 Let's make a cookbook.
01:51:09.000 A poop book.
01:51:10.000 Booze is important.
01:51:11.000 Oysters.
01:51:12.000 Oysters will...
01:51:14.000 Oysters, think about what that is.
01:51:16.000 Oysters are like the phlegm of the ocean.
01:51:19.000 They're just like these already mucousy things.
01:51:22.000 Oysters destroy me.
01:51:25.000 I can't do it anymore.
01:51:26.000 Starbucks destroys me.
01:51:27.000 One of these coffees, every time I'm halfway through it, I just have to run.
01:51:30.000 It's a colon cleaner.
01:51:31.000 Yeah.
01:51:31.000 I have to go again, I think.
01:51:33.000 There's nothing like the kale shake, though, for cleaning the colon out.
01:51:37.000 Kale shakes are ridiculous.
01:51:38.000 You can't even hold it in.
01:51:40.000 Have you ever gotten a colonic?
01:51:41.000 No.
01:51:42.000 I heard it's awesome, though.
01:51:43.000 I've also heard that it's not good for you.
01:51:45.000 I've heard conflicting things.
01:51:47.000 I've heard it's good for you, it's not good for you.
01:51:48.000 What did Penn and Teller say?
01:51:49.000 They said it's bullshit.
01:51:51.000 See, the problem with Penn and Teller is Penn and Teller also said that yoga is bullshit.
01:51:56.000 Yoga is not bullshit.
01:51:58.000 Yoga gets you high.
01:51:59.000 And the only reason why anybody would say that yoga is bullshit is because they're out of shape and they're not in tune with their body.
01:52:04.000 We need to get pet on this podcast.
01:52:05.000 Yeah, they're not in shape, they're not in tune with their body, and they don't understand that you are releasing tension and you're creating a different state of consciousness when you do yoga.
01:52:16.000 Yoga definitely gets you high.
01:52:17.000 There's no question about it.
01:52:23.000 I've had real, legitimate, life-changing experiences after yoga where I've really sat down.
01:52:29.000 When I say life-changing, I mean in degrees, left, right, forward.
01:52:34.000 There's like certain times where I've had experiences in my life that were literally life-changing because I sat down and that extra inspiration that I got from that moment that extra positivity that extra clarity that I got moved me in a percentage of a point in one direction and it's almost always towards the good I've had that from yoga.
01:52:53.000 No question about it.
01:52:54.000 It's not just because I chose to have it.
01:52:57.000 It's also because those techniques of all that stretching and all those things release tension from the body.
01:53:04.000 And the way your body carries around tension directly affects the way your mind works.
01:53:11.000 It directly affects how you interact with people.
01:53:14.000 True yoga people, the real yoga people, are fascinating to be around, man.
01:53:18.000 They're really cool and calm.
01:53:20.000 There was this dude from South Africa I used to take yoga with.
01:53:23.000 He was so real, man.
01:53:24.000 He was the real deal, man.
01:53:26.000 There's a lot of those fake yoga guys that try to, like, fuck chicks and, you know, they try to, like, be fake spiritual and they sing, like, Indian songs, you know, that they memorize just to fucking impress people with their Hindu street cred.
01:53:39.000 You know what I mean?
01:53:40.000 You know that kind of fake thing?
01:53:42.000 Oh, sure.
01:53:42.000 I've seen them giving massages at raves.
01:53:44.000 Yeah.
01:53:45.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:53:46.000 With their dirty Birkenstock song on, you know.
01:53:49.000 Say namaste.
01:53:51.000 Get out of here, bitch.
01:53:52.000 Don't you namaste me, you son of a bitch.
01:53:53.000 I know what you're up to.
01:53:55.000 The people who really practice that shit, man, they don't act like that at all.
01:54:00.000 None of it's there.
01:54:01.000 It's a whole different fucking animal to the point where it can be shocking because you kind of expect people to be a certain way.
01:54:08.000 This is a funny thing.
01:54:09.000 This is like one of the fun thought experiments you can do is right now, maybe you don't, but right now in a lot of people's minds they already have this idea of what an enlightened person should act like.
01:54:19.000 You already have that idea.
01:54:21.000 Here's what they might be like.
01:54:22.000 Your mind will try to create an idea of what enlightenment looks like.
01:54:26.000 And that idea is always wrong.
01:54:28.000 It's never like that at all.
01:54:30.000 This is that saying, if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.
01:54:35.000 That's the idea, which is like anything in your mind that's kind of defining the way you think an advanced person should be, Creates a real big problem because you'll start pretending to be that way.
01:54:48.000 You know, you start putting on a costume or a show.
01:54:51.000 But yeah, most of those folks you run into are the real deal, man.
01:54:54.000 They're just totally in the fucking moment.
01:54:56.000 They'll go with anything.
01:54:58.000 It's really hard to be the real deal.
01:55:00.000 The real deal?
01:55:01.000 The real world.
01:55:04.000 No, the world.
01:55:06.000 How do you say world?
01:55:07.000 World.
01:55:08.000 World.
01:55:08.000 No, you didn't say that.
01:55:09.000 World.
01:55:10.000 It's the best thing in the world.
01:55:11.000 World.
01:55:12.000 World.
01:55:12.000 He doesn't say world.
01:55:14.000 He says world.
01:55:15.000 World.
01:55:15.000 W-R-O-L-D. World.
01:55:17.000 World.
01:55:18.000 There you go.
01:55:19.000 White Castle's awesome.
01:55:21.000 It's the best place in the world.
01:55:23.000 Shut the fuck up.
01:55:23.000 Please shut the fuck up.
01:55:24.000 He's changed from supporting the Olive Garden.
01:55:29.000 Now he's changed to White Castle.
01:55:31.000 Well, well.
01:55:32.000 It is fucking good.
01:55:34.000 Yeah.
01:55:35.000 If you're really drunk, it's delicious.
01:55:37.000 It's great.
01:55:37.000 It's biscuits for drunk people.
01:55:39.000 It's gray meat.
01:55:40.000 In the future, I'm going to make my own White Castle, but it's going to be Red Castle for Los Angeles.
01:55:44.000 What we need is Fuddruckers to back us up, and you get those fucking ostrich burgers.
01:55:48.000 You ever get a raw or rare, rather, ostrich burger at Fuddruckers?
01:55:52.000 No.
01:55:52.000 Oh, goddamn, son, that shit is good.
01:55:54.000 We could have that at Red Castle.
01:55:56.000 Ostriches are cunts, too.
01:55:57.000 They're birds, and birds are dinosaurs, and all dinosaurs can go fuck themselves.
01:56:01.000 I'll eat the shit out of an ostrich.
01:56:03.000 I will eat the shit out of an ostrich.
01:56:05.000 I will kimura an ostrich's neck and kill it and eat the shit out of it.
01:56:10.000 When I was living in Asheville, their necks are perfect for strangling.
01:56:15.000 I bet you can't even guillotine them, though.
01:56:17.000 I bet their necks just go right with it.
01:56:19.000 I bet they can peck the fuck out of here.
01:56:21.000 Peck your dick while you're trying to guillotine them.
01:56:24.000 I used to be so poor when I was living in Asheville that I would go to Fuddruckers and order a bun and just, like, eat the lettuce and the tomatoes and the onions from the fucking hamburger bar.
01:56:39.000 Dude, and you had cheese.
01:56:39.000 You had everything.
01:56:39.000 You could make a grilled cheese sandwich out of relish and pickles and stuff.
01:56:42.000 Yeah, you just make a shitty salad with bread.
01:56:44.000 Yeah.
01:56:45.000 Incredible.
01:56:49.000 Asheville, North Carolina is one of the last great spots on earth.
01:56:52.000 Yeah, it's pretty great.
01:56:53.000 I almost didn't want to tell people about it.
01:56:54.000 When we got back, we were wandering and walking around on the streets.
01:56:57.000 I was like, this is one of those places where you could walk around the streets.
01:57:00.000 And it's small.
01:57:01.000 It's a small town.
01:57:02.000 But it had all these bars.
01:57:03.000 You can walk from bar to bar.
01:57:05.000 And people were friendly.
01:57:07.000 And I was like, whoa, Duncan, this is a crazy place.
01:57:10.000 We're in like one of the last great places on earth.
01:57:13.000 Yep.
01:57:14.000 Asheville, North Carolina is one of the last great places on earth.
01:57:17.000 We walk to a Kava bar, okay?
01:57:20.000 There's bars everywhere and nice people and, eh, sure, there's a few drum circles and there's a few fucking hippies sitting on the ground on the sidewalk.
01:57:28.000 There's a little of that.
01:57:29.000 I'm gonna just fucking say this, and I know, forgive me for saying it, but drum circles are fun.
01:57:36.000 Just fucking go to one.
01:57:37.000 It's fun.
01:57:38.000 You get to bang on a drum.
01:57:39.000 It's fun.
01:57:40.000 It's like awesome.
01:57:41.000 They never smell good, though.
01:57:43.000 No.
01:57:43.000 No one's ever accused a drum circle of smelling great, but they're fucking fun.
01:57:47.000 They're fun.
01:57:49.000 Do you like the smell of sage?
01:57:50.000 No.
01:57:51.000 It's the worst smell ever, right?
01:57:53.000 I don't like that smell.
01:57:54.000 It's horrible.
01:57:56.000 Yeah, sage smells good when you're walking through it, when you're outside.
01:58:00.000 But you can't escape it.
01:58:01.000 It's horrible.
01:58:02.000 When it's on fire, when they burn sage to the spirits and shit.
01:58:06.000 When I was a kid, my mom burned sage in my room because she thought I'd summoned a demon.
01:58:09.000 Well, you know, salvia is sage.
01:58:11.000 Salvia is enormous.
01:58:12.000 That's why I thought it smelled like salvia the other day.
01:58:15.000 It smells like flashbacks.
01:58:17.000 Salvia, I don't know if that sage is psychoactive.
01:58:21.000 Hmm, I should find out.
01:58:23.000 Because if it's true, you could just find sage and smoke it.
01:58:25.000 Yeah, I went to the Day of the Dead at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.
01:58:29.000 When was that?
01:58:30.000 Friday.
01:58:31.000 And it was the worst experience ever.
01:58:33.000 It was so crowded.
01:58:34.000 There was one point you couldn't move any direction.
01:58:35.000 I just wanted to cry and run.
01:58:38.000 Are you ever doing any more comedy shows there, you think?
01:58:40.000 I don't know.
01:58:42.000 I don't know what's going to happen with that.
01:58:43.000 I'm so busy right now, I don't have time to do it.
01:58:46.000 That show was always fun.
01:58:47.000 Yeah, sage is salvia.
01:58:49.000 Isn't that crazy?
01:58:50.000 No wonder I was having flashbacks.
01:58:52.000 One of the several genera, commonly...
01:58:55.000 How do you say it?
01:58:55.000 G-E-N-E-R-A. What is that?
01:59:00.000 Genres.
01:59:02.000 Genera?
01:59:03.000 Genera?
01:59:05.000 It's got something to do with genetics.
01:59:07.000 Yeah, it's a botany term.
01:59:08.000 Several genera, whatever, commonly referred to as sage.
01:59:11.000 Let's give our listeners the answer.
01:59:14.000 What is...
01:59:16.000 Look it up in the dictionary.
01:59:17.000 I love that.
01:59:18.000 Highlight it.
01:59:18.000 Look it up in the dictionary.
01:59:20.000 Genis.
01:59:20.000 There, that's right.
01:59:21.000 I thought it was that.
01:59:22.000 Principal taxonomic category that ranks above species and below family.
01:59:29.000 Hmm.
01:59:30.000 And is denoted by a capitalized Latin name for E.G. Leo.
01:59:35.000 Okay.
01:59:36.000 So, um...
01:59:39.000 It's one of the types of sage.
01:59:42.000 That's what salvia divinorum is.
01:59:44.000 It's one of the several different kinds of sage.
01:59:48.000 So I don't know how much of that shit that you walk into when you're wandering through the woods.
01:59:51.000 It's a step over sage brush.
01:59:54.000 I wonder how much of that you light on fire and see Jesus.
01:59:57.000 Probably not much.
01:59:58.000 I bet a lot of it.
01:59:59.000 You know?
02:00:00.000 I bet it's pretty common.
02:00:02.000 Let's see how common is salvia in the wild.
02:00:04.000 Let's look up that.
02:00:06.000 Is that Target?
02:00:07.000 Yeah, you can get it at Target.
02:00:08.000 Shut up!
02:00:09.000 Yeah.
02:00:09.000 They sell salvia at fucking Target?
02:00:11.000 Salvia plants?
02:00:12.000 Absolutely.
02:00:13.000 Go to Target.com and check it out.
02:00:14.000 You know what else they sell?
02:00:15.000 They sell fucking peyote.
02:00:18.000 What?
02:00:18.000 Yeah, they sell the fucking cactus, man.
02:00:20.000 San Pedro cactus.
02:00:21.000 You can buy at any Home Depot.
02:00:23.000 You take that San Pedro cactus and make fucking peyote.
02:00:27.000 Allegedly.
02:00:28.000 No!
02:00:28.000 Yes, you can.
02:00:29.000 You can also take the fucking Morning Glory seeds and...
02:00:33.000 Smash them up and cook them and make a very potent psychoactive frog that's similar to LSD. LSA, I believe, is what it's called.
02:00:40.000 As a matter of fact, they've actually taken steps to make the seeds non-psychoactive.
02:00:45.000 They poison these fucking seeds.
02:00:47.000 They make it so it will upset your stomach.
02:00:50.000 Hawaiian rosewood, too.
02:00:52.000 That's another one.
02:00:52.000 Nutmeg.
02:00:53.000 That's another one.
02:00:54.000 Datura.
02:00:55.000 Devil's gypsum seed.
02:00:57.000 That's another one.
02:00:57.000 A huge spoon in the cinnamon is supposed to make you trip.
02:01:01.000 Yeah, in some parts of the world, particularly in northern Mexico and southwestern United States, like we live, bitches, Salvia Divinorum grows wild.
02:01:12.000 It's fucking wild out here, man.
02:01:14.000 That's nuts.
02:01:16.000 It's wild right here.
02:01:17.000 I don't like Salvia.
02:01:21.000 You don't?
02:01:21.000 I do not like that buzz.
02:01:22.000 I won't do it anymore.
02:01:23.000 Why?
02:01:24.000 What's the matter?
02:01:25.000 What?
02:01:25.000 That buzz?
02:01:26.000 You can't handle it?
02:01:28.000 Yeah, I guess.
02:01:28.000 If you want to say it like that, I just don't like the feeling.
02:01:31.000 It's not a great high.
02:01:33.000 It's a dirty high.
02:01:34.000 It's a dirty high.
02:01:35.000 It feels like it does damage, too.
02:01:37.000 In what way?
02:01:39.000 After you get done doing it, you're sweating your ass off.
02:01:43.000 Your body goes from 0 to 100. Your heartbeat's going so bad, you're just drenched in sweat.
02:01:49.000 You have that dirty, my brain feels fucked up feeling.
02:01:54.000 It's just a gross feeling.
02:01:55.000 Almost like a sinus hangover or something.
02:01:59.000 It's a shamanic drug.
02:02:03.000 It's more in the line of, I don't know, but I've read that Ibogaine is not a pleasant high.
02:02:09.000 It's meant to be used in accordance with a shaman or someone who knows what they're doing to create some spiritual effect.
02:02:19.000 It's not meant so that you can fucking pass out in front of Mario Brothers in your trailer.
02:02:24.000 It's not the way people use it now.
02:02:27.000 They fucking smoke this shit with an Xbox playing in the background and a baby sleeping in the other room.
02:02:34.000 I don't think it's that kind of drug.
02:02:35.000 It's not one of the pleasant drugs.
02:02:37.000 There are psychedelics that if you take low doses, definitely can be social lubricants and can be fun for partying, but salvia doesn't feel like that at all.
02:02:46.000 Yeah, well, people that take it, that make videos of them taking it, they certainly support that.
02:02:50.000 Yeah.
02:02:51.000 Those videos of people, like Brian has a few of them out there, and the one with Ari freaking out, where Ari did it in front of him.
02:02:58.000 And Ari did it, and this is one of my favorite stories of Salvia.
02:03:03.000 Ari did it and lived another life for months.
02:03:07.000 He made friends, he had relationships, he lived a life in this artificial world for months, and then was snapped back to reality when it sobered up.
02:03:17.000 And he said he'll never forget it.
02:03:19.000 He said it was really weird listening to him describe it.
02:03:22.000 He's like, I had a whole other life for months.
02:03:24.000 I did it with Bobby Lee, and he said he felt like he was on a pirate ship covered in spiders.
02:03:29.000 Hey, Brian, you know, I don't think you're supposed to let these lasers hit you in the eyeball.
02:03:34.000 These are club lasers, so they're okay.
02:03:37.000 When you go blind in the club, it's fine.
02:03:39.000 There's pussy there.
02:03:40.000 They are okay, though?
02:03:41.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:03:41.000 They're for nightclubs and stuff like that.
02:03:43.000 Oh, okay.
02:03:44.000 What happens if they hit your eyeballs?
02:03:45.000 Nothing.
02:03:46.000 Nothing?
02:03:46.000 Mm-mm.
02:03:47.000 You know, I read this thing where they said that you're supposed to not wear sunglasses and that you should allow a certain amount of sunlight to hit your eyes because there's essential nutrients that you get from sunlight, just like you get nutrients from sunlight and vitamin D,
02:04:02.000 and also you get nutrients that help your vision.
02:04:04.000 I never wear sunglasses.
02:04:05.000 I'm wearing them now just for Halloween, but I never wear them.
02:04:08.000 To the point where I think I probably fucked my eyes up a little bit from not wearing them.
02:04:11.000 Well, they say if you go skiing or something, snow blindness.
02:04:16.000 Callan knows a guy who went snow blind.
02:04:18.000 Literally, he went blind.
02:04:24.000 We're good to go.
02:04:38.000 And then I hung out and drank on the table for a few hours.
02:04:41.000 And the reflection off the water on the glass table, I guess, like, magnified the rays or whatever.
02:04:48.000 And for three days, I couldn't see.
02:04:50.000 Like, I couldn't open my eyes.
02:04:51.000 My eyes were watering and burning.
02:04:53.000 I just had to sit there and, like, close my eyes at Myrtle Beach for three days.
02:04:56.000 If you had to pick a sense to lose...
02:04:59.000 I wouldn't.
02:04:59.000 Let's not do this.
02:05:00.000 What would it be?
02:05:01.000 I don't like to do that.
02:05:02.000 Honey Boo Boo's mom or Honey Boo Boo?
02:05:03.000 Yeah, I like Honey Boo Boo's mom because she probably can't get pregnant anymore.
02:05:08.000 You would pick Honey Boo Boo's mom over being able to see?
02:05:12.000 No, I'm not talking about you.
02:05:13.000 No, it's Honey Boo Boo's mom or Honey Boo Boo.
02:05:15.000 Yeah, that's the question.
02:05:16.000 It's like we're not going to play.
02:05:17.000 You don't want to play that game?
02:05:18.000 No, it's stupid.
02:05:19.000 It's negative.
02:05:21.000 Negative.
02:05:21.000 It is.
02:05:22.000 It's negative.
02:05:23.000 Just start talking about loss.
02:05:25.000 What would you rather do, lose your feet or lose your dick?
02:05:28.000 Stupid.
02:05:29.000 There's other things to think about.
02:05:30.000 By the way, that's an easy answer.
02:05:32.000 Yeah, it is easy.
02:05:33.000 Okay, because they make fake feet, but fake dicks don't feel shit.
02:05:36.000 Yeah.
02:05:37.000 Right?
02:05:38.000 Is that what it is?
02:05:39.000 Namaste.
02:05:41.000 Namaste.
02:05:42.000 Namaste.
02:05:43.000 I just enjoyed some amazing vegan salad.
02:05:48.000 Namaste.
02:05:50.000 Namaste.
02:05:52.000 Duncan Trussell, why are you wearing a wolf hat?
02:05:56.000 This fucking hat?
02:05:58.000 Yeah, why are you wearing a hat?
02:05:58.000 You have to ask why I'm wearing the most amazing hat on earth.
02:06:02.000 Where'd you get it?
02:06:03.000 I got it in fucking Nevada City, Northern California, like the very, like the Emerald Triangle.
02:06:09.000 One of my friends got a legal marijuana farm up there.
02:06:14.000 There's no such thing federally.
02:06:15.000 Whatever.
02:06:16.000 As a matter of fact, I'm going to have to stop smoking marijuana because I want to pursue my hunting obsession, my new hunting obsession.
02:06:23.000 So I'm going to quit pot.
02:06:25.000 If you guys were both single, would you fuck this girl?
02:06:29.000 Who wouldn't?
02:06:30.000 Okay, because that's a ladyboy.
02:06:34.000 You asshole!
02:06:35.000 That was like the easiest trap to set of all time.
02:06:38.000 That's not a girl.
02:06:38.000 That's a lie.
02:06:39.000 Thank God I had to think about it for a second.
02:06:41.000 I'd have to listen to her talk.
02:06:42.000 I'd probably be able to smell her and know.
02:06:45.000 I'd probably be able to smell her and know that she was a boy.
02:06:47.000 Brody just recently on a podcast came out and sang that he went to overseas for a movie, Bangkok, and tested out a ladyboy.
02:06:56.000 What'd he think?
02:06:57.000 So he now thinks he's 10% gay.
02:06:59.000 He doesn't want to...
02:07:00.000 Pursue that.
02:07:01.000 He just wanted to see if he was or not.
02:07:03.000 What happened?
02:07:04.000 How did they fuck?
02:07:07.000 What happened?
02:07:07.000 Was he on top?
02:07:09.000 No, I guess it was just maybe a blowjob.
02:07:11.000 Oh, boy.
02:07:13.000 Wow.
02:07:14.000 You know, you can get gonorrhea from mouth contact.
02:07:17.000 300,000 cases of gonorrhea in 2000. Did you recently get gonorrhea?
02:07:21.000 No, I'm just telling you.
02:07:24.000 I'm just saying, don't let dudes who dress up like girls and give out blowjobs suck your dick because their mouth ain't too picky.
02:07:33.000 That's what I'm trying to say.
02:07:37.000 You should do public service announcements.
02:07:39.000 Everyone now who buys a gun must fill out the ATF form 4473 which asks, are you an unlawful user of or addicted to marijuana or any depressant, stimulant, narcotic drug, or any other controlled substance?
02:07:56.000 Well, that's an amazing question, first of all, because you can answer, no, I'm not, because I'm not an unlawful user, because I'm a medical marijuana user in the state of California where I had a doctor's prescription for it.
02:08:09.000 So, no, that's not a law, but it's not true federally.
02:08:13.000 And then it's to say, are you addicted to marijuana or any depressant stimulant?
02:08:19.000 What about coffee?
02:08:21.000 Like, they could, like, legally, they could bring you to jail if you drink coffee every day.
02:08:25.000 That's right.
02:08:26.000 This is how stupid this law is.
02:08:27.000 Narcotic drug or any other controlled substance.
02:08:30.000 Yes.
02:08:31.000 That's fascinating, man.
02:08:32.000 Oh, you're an unlawful user of.
02:08:34.000 And what does that mean?
02:08:35.000 A user of in the past tense or user of currently?
02:08:39.000 Yes.
02:08:40.000 Because currently I'm not doing anything.
02:08:41.000 I'm not doing anything right now.
02:08:43.000 So I could say, I could write down that report, no.
02:08:47.000 Because currently I'm not.
02:08:48.000 Right.
02:08:49.000 But what does that mean, user?
02:08:51.000 How does that fit into your lifestyle?
02:08:54.000 Do you have every day you have to smoke a joint, just like every day you have to take your fucking thyroid medication?
02:09:00.000 No.
02:09:01.000 What kind of a weird-ass question is that?
02:09:03.000 What kind of a weird open-ended question is that?
02:09:05.000 And that can keep you from having a gun.
02:09:07.000 I just got my shit renewed yesterday.
02:09:08.000 Look how stoned I was in my picture.
02:09:10.000 You can't even see my eyes.
02:09:11.000 You look barbecued, son.
02:09:13.000 Yeah, isn't that fascinating, man?
02:09:15.000 Like, are you an unlawful user of, or addicted to?
02:09:18.000 First of all, the idea that you're addicted to marijuana.
02:09:21.000 That's like saying, are you addicted to washing your hands?
02:09:23.000 Because it's the same people that get addicted to marijuana or addicted to anything.
02:09:27.000 You just come up with something.
02:09:28.000 Isn't that an optimistic thing to put on your form?
02:09:31.000 Because you're just naively assuming that anyone's going to answer that question honestly?
02:09:36.000 No.
02:09:36.000 What they're doing is they're making it so that anybody who runs a medical marijuana plant We're good to go.
02:10:07.000 The Second Amendment is a very important part of anybody who wants to hunt their own food, be able to protect themselves from criminals, be able to protect themselves from predators if you live in a rural community.
02:10:22.000 If you live in Montana and you're living out in the woods, like in that show Mountain Men, these motherfuckers, they need guns to shoot off bears.
02:10:30.000 They have bears that they need to shoot at.
02:10:32.000 I mean, if you don't, the bear comes and eats you.
02:10:34.000 I mean...
02:10:35.000 To say that they can't have bears because they also have arthritis that medical marijuana cures...
02:10:40.000 Look, here's the other fucking thing.
02:10:42.000 By the way, fuck the reason, goddammit.
02:10:44.000 Here's another fun thing you can do.
02:10:46.000 Shoot.
02:10:47.000 Shooting guns is just fucking fun.
02:10:49.000 It's fun to shoot bottles.
02:10:50.000 It's fun to shoot targets.
02:10:51.000 It's fun to shoot a gun.
02:10:53.000 It's just a blast.
02:10:55.000 The whole point is it's not about reason.
02:10:58.000 It's like you get to have a gun in this country if you want to have a fucking gun.
02:11:02.000 It shouldn't be based on whether or not you smoke something that grows out of the ground.
02:11:06.000 Meanwhile, you could have Hunter S. Thompson had a fucking bar.
02:11:10.000 It is shooting range.
02:11:12.000 A bar.
02:11:12.000 Have you ever seen that?
02:11:13.000 A full fucking bar with a butler?
02:11:15.000 You can have that, but you can't smoke pot and shoot?
02:11:18.000 That's ridiculous.
02:11:19.000 Yeah, you could be...
02:11:20.000 You've got a prescription for Oxycontin as long as it's legal.
02:11:23.000 As long as it's legal, you don't have that problem.
02:11:25.000 Any person...
02:11:27.000 Bureau Assistant Director Arthur Herbert writes in the open letter to all gun sellers, any person who uses or is addicted to marijuana, regardless of whether his or her state has passed legislation authorizing marijuana use for medicinal purposes,
02:11:46.000 is prohibited by federal law from possessing firearms or ammunition.
02:11:52.000 That shit makes me want to join the NRA. It really does.
02:11:55.000 You should.
02:11:56.000 I am going to.
02:11:57.000 I think I am.
02:11:57.000 I think the NRA was fucking dead right.
02:12:00.000 I think all this time that the NRA has been trying to stop the government from taking away gun rights, now I understand it.
02:12:07.000 Now I get it.
02:12:08.000 All this time I thought it was like, wow, these crazy gun nuts, they really want to have machine guns.
02:12:12.000 They really want to have assault rifles.
02:12:14.000 No.
02:12:15.000 They just don't want to have these people telling you what you can and can't have.
02:12:19.000 Right.
02:12:20.000 It's simple, man.
02:12:21.000 It's a simple fucking right.
02:12:22.000 It's obvious, too.
02:12:24.000 The ATF, or the National Rifle Association, isn't commenting on it.
02:12:27.000 It says the National Rifle Association, which frequently butts heads with the ATF, has not put out a statement on the letter, and a spokesperson there did not return calls for comment.
02:12:40.000 A spokesman for Rocky Mountain gun owners was also silent.
02:12:45.000 Well, you know, that's really sad.
02:12:50.000 It's a really sad thing because that's just the pressure from pharmaceutical companies that are trying to make sure that medical marijuana doesn't spill off into some sort of a decriminalization event nationwide and, you know, to stop it in its place.
02:13:03.000 It started out in Montana.
02:13:06.000 And the reason why it's in Montana is because if you've ever been to Montana, a huge percentage of the people in Montana hunt.
02:13:12.000 When we were in Montana, everywhere we drove, people were, there was like signs that said, welcome hunters.
02:13:19.000 Like in bars and restaurants, it said welcome hunters.
02:13:22.000 There's a lot of fucking people hunting up there.
02:13:24.000 And there's also a lot of people up there that like to get high.
02:13:26.000 So they decided to kill the medical marijuana community there by making it so that if you are a legal registered medical marijuana patient, you can't own a firearm.
02:13:37.000 Oh well.
02:13:37.000 Fucking pigs.
02:13:38.000 Un-but-fucking believably gross, man.
02:13:41.000 It's really disgusting.
02:13:44.000 It said Jeff Dorscher, a spokesperson for the U.S. Attorney's Office in Colorado, said the decision whether to prosecute someone would be made on a case-by-case basis.
02:13:56.000 That's basically saying they have you by the balls.
02:13:59.000 There don't appear to be any cases in Colorado where people have been prosecuted for illegally owning guns because they are medical marijuana patients.
02:14:05.000 Because there's so many medical marijuana patients who have guns in Colorado.
02:14:09.000 You've just made felons out of a million people, and that's not exaggeration.
02:14:14.000 The medical marijuana community in Colorado is fucking amazing.
02:14:17.000 It's everywhere.
02:14:17.000 Isn't it basically a slippery slope, though?
02:14:20.000 The moment you, as a government, say that people can't consume a plant...
02:14:26.000 You can't overdose on.
02:14:28.000 The moment you're making laws like that, isn't it kind of a slippery slope where you can't expect there to be other logical laws following that?
02:14:35.000 I mean, isn't the thing, like, what they're doing is obviously wrong, and that seems to be part of what they do.
02:14:42.000 The federal government makes shitty laws that have no basis in actual reality and are just based on whatever their weird power agenda is.
02:14:52.000 It's that, but I think it's also them, it's a death row.
02:14:56.000 They're exposing their belly.
02:14:57.000 I think they're showing how fucking stupid their system really is.
02:15:03.000 That they're actually, they're creating a law that's going to make people angry and furious.
02:15:08.000 And the wrong people, gun owners.
02:15:10.000 Because gun owners and hunters are some of the most organized motherfuckers.
02:15:14.000 You know, it's really interesting how these fish and game departments are entirely funded by The conservation efforts are entirely funded by hunters.
02:15:23.000 Hunters and hunting And gun owners are the ones who organize like one of the best run departments in the entire country is the different states' fish and game departments.
02:15:33.000 They're incredibly efficient at managing game populations, at setting tag limits, at managing the number of livestock or wildlife rather, wildlife stock like men and females and they do all these surveys and tests.
02:15:46.000 They're incredibly efficient because it's all based on people who actually care about the environment, who actually go out And hunt these wild animals.
02:15:53.000 So you're going to get them against you.
02:15:56.000 And this is supposed to be the government.
02:15:59.000 This is supposed to be the people that are looking out for you.
02:16:00.000 There's no reason to pass this.
02:16:02.000 There's no fucking reason.
02:16:05.000 They're just making shit more complicated, making government deeper, creating more fucking problems, creating more cunty scenarios where you're going to lock someone in jail because they like to smoke weed and they like to hunt.
02:16:17.000 You dummies.
02:16:18.000 Yeah, P.S. All this makes me want to do is get baked and go shoot a gun.
02:16:22.000 All this makes me want to do is go to Canada.
02:16:24.000 That's what it makes me want to do.
02:16:25.000 It makes me want to run away from these stupid fucking laws.
02:16:28.000 These are dumb.
02:16:29.000 The idea that you could put yourself in jeopardy, that you could possibly get locked in a cage and not be able to see your family for an extended period of time because you did something that you wanted to do that didn't hurt anybody.
02:16:39.000 It's fucking crazy.
02:16:41.000 And believe me, if you were stoned and you had a gun, you'd be careful as fuck.
02:16:45.000 Oh my god, you'd be so goddamn paranoid.
02:16:48.000 Sure.
02:16:49.000 I think you would.
02:16:50.000 You might be an idiot, though.
02:16:51.000 You might just be like, dude, just start shooting things.
02:16:54.000 Man, when I grew up around guns, nothing is, like, growing up around guns makes you so safe with guns.
02:17:00.000 Like, since I was, like, can remember my dad, like, you know, because kids, like, little boys have fake guns.
02:17:07.000 Mm-hmm.
02:17:07.000 And my dad would, like, even with the fake guns, he would, like, teach us, like, never point this at somebody.
02:17:13.000 Here's how you handle a weapon.
02:17:14.000 And then, of course, he would, like, taught us to shoot.
02:17:17.000 And it was, like, the way how strict and stern he was with weapons, like, I'll never forget that.
02:17:24.000 I'm so fucking careful when I get around guns because he, like, raised me in the right way.
02:17:29.000 And that came from being only people who haven't been around guns are afraid of guns.
02:17:33.000 Yeah, it's like when your kids find guns in your house.
02:17:36.000 If your kids are raised and taught what a gun is and what's important and why it's dangerous, they're going to be okay because they're used to being around them anyway.
02:17:46.000 Yeah, you know how to put the safety on.
02:17:48.000 You know when the safety's off.
02:17:50.000 You know not to fucking point at anyone.
02:17:52.000 You know not to have a bullet in the chamber.
02:17:54.000 All those things.
02:17:55.000 And also, by the way, if you've got fucking guns, the responsible thing is you have a goddamn gun safe.
02:18:00.000 You put your fucking guns in a safe.
02:18:01.000 You don't leave them around.
02:18:03.000 Yeah, period.
02:18:04.000 Yeah, it's really unfortunate when the government has to pass laws like this.
02:18:10.000 They don't have to, but when they try to pass laws like this to further some other agenda.
02:18:16.000 The agenda against medical marijuana is what it is.
02:18:19.000 It's that simple.
02:18:21.000 It's trying to slow the medical marijuana movement.
02:18:23.000 And so they involve guns, and I think it's a mistake.
02:18:26.000 It's fucking disgusting.
02:18:27.000 Did you see that editorial article CNN just put out on why we should legalize marijuana?
02:18:33.000 Yes, I did see it.
02:18:34.000 So cool.
02:18:35.000 It's amazing.
02:18:36.000 Well, meanwhile, it's still illegal.
02:18:37.000 Meanwhile, people are getting arrested every 37 seconds.
02:18:40.000 Is that the statistic?
02:18:42.000 39, 37, 39. Jesus, man.
02:18:45.000 Yeah, in this country, by the way.
02:18:47.000 Yeah, it's fucking stupid.
02:18:48.000 Stupid.
02:18:49.000 It's a waste of goddamn time and it's become a business in and of itself.
02:18:53.000 That's the real issue.
02:18:54.000 The real issue is that it's become a fucking business.
02:18:57.000 The business of arresting people and keeping people in jail.
02:19:01.000 The business of closing down medical marijuana farms and catching Mexican drug runners living in the Northern California mountains.
02:19:09.000 We're good to go.
02:19:30.000 Yeah.
02:19:31.000 They have, like, pictures of this guy.
02:19:32.000 What is the Narco Saint?
02:19:34.000 He's got a name.
02:19:35.000 Hold on.
02:19:36.000 I'll find out what his fucking name is.
02:19:37.000 Powerful Goo Goo.
02:19:39.000 Goo Goo?
02:19:40.000 Here's my Goo Goo.
02:19:41.000 Powerful Goo Goo.
02:19:42.000 What the fuck was that?
02:19:43.000 Jesus Malverde.
02:19:45.000 Sometimes known as the Generous Bandit, the Angel of the Poor, or the Narco Saint.
02:19:50.000 The Generous Bandit.
02:19:50.000 It's Robin Hood.
02:19:50.000 Isn't that amazing?
02:19:51.000 Yeah.
02:20:11.000 The king's motherfucking deer, man.
02:20:12.000 The king's always got deer.
02:20:14.000 Well, apparently the difference between the way wildlife is run in America and wildlife was run in the European world, and that was one of the things that made the United States so great when people came here from Europe, was that in Europe, all land and hunting is all owned by royalty and rich people.
02:20:30.000 And so there's no public hunting.
02:20:34.000 It's all on private land.
02:20:35.000 Whereas in America, the wildlife is all the peoples.
02:20:40.000 Even on private land, say if you own private land, you still can't shoot everything that's on that land.
02:20:48.000 You have to have a tag for the deer.
02:20:50.000 You have to kill only a certain amount of them according to how much population you have in the area.
02:20:56.000 And that was what made these Daniel Boone characters that came here from a European background so happy that they could live this sort of different life where they're running around just hunting whenever they wanted to and be able to provide for their family,
02:21:13.000 which you couldn't do in Europe.
02:21:15.000 You literally couldn't go out and hunt food unless you went to a private location.
02:21:20.000 Land preserve.
02:21:21.000 There's still a lot of countries.
02:21:22.000 I think Scotland is still like that.
02:21:24.000 You can't just go there.
02:21:25.000 You have to go to these private places.
02:21:28.000 It's amazing, man.
02:21:29.000 It's incredible the different things that powerful people will do.
02:21:32.000 Cunt!
02:21:33.000 Yeah.
02:21:34.000 Fix the world, Duncan.
02:21:35.000 I'm working on it, man.
02:21:36.000 You're the king.
02:21:37.000 Fix the world.
02:21:37.000 How do you do it?
02:21:38.000 How do I fix the world?
02:21:39.000 Yes.
02:21:40.000 Well, I mean, obviously, we start paying teachers the amount that we pay doctors, creating a competitive environment.
02:21:46.000 Even doctors are getting fucked over, man.
02:21:48.000 Well, okay, so we pay teachers a fuckload of money, so that it becomes...
02:21:52.000 Paying what you pay actors.
02:21:53.000 Yeah, that's it.
02:21:54.000 Can you imagine that?
02:21:54.000 That's it.
02:21:55.000 We have like Academy Awards for the best teachers.
02:21:57.000 So teachers become the celebrities, fucking make it so that it's the most competitive industry to get in.
02:22:03.000 So the people who become teachers are these fucking super genius, brilliant people who start really teaching kids about how incredible and beautiful the universe is.
02:22:13.000 Teach them about fucking Feynman.
02:22:15.000 Teach them how to like synthesize LSD. Boom!
02:22:21.000 You do that, man.
02:22:22.000 That's terrorist behavior, as labeled in the Patriot Act, what you just said.
02:22:25.000 What, teaching them about Feynman?
02:22:27.000 No, the other part.
02:22:28.000 Oh.
02:22:32.000 Hey, everybody!
02:22:33.000 Fuck them, dude!
02:22:35.000 No, that's the problem, man.
02:22:36.000 You fucking start with the kids, get them educated, get them excited about life, get them to understand that we exist in a beautiful, juicy, vibrant world, and that your brain is an alchemical laboratory which can produce thoughts, which if you put those thoughts into action, can transform your entire planet in the same way that the invention of electricity or the varieties of technologies that have come from the mind have shifted our planet,
02:22:59.000 uh...
02:23:00.000 Completely and perhaps perpetually.
02:23:03.000 You teach kids that.
02:23:04.000 Your mind is a fucking, is the laboratory from which every single innovation that has affected your species has come.
02:23:11.000 You share the same brain that Einstein had, Feynman had, Buddha had.
02:23:16.000 You have that Here's different operating systems that you can decide on.
02:23:22.000 You teach them about yoga.
02:23:24.000 You teach them about health.
02:23:25.000 You get them fucking high when they're ready.
02:23:28.000 Initiatory rituals.
02:23:29.000 You bring them into a visceral experience of the beauty of life.
02:23:36.000 Instead of putting them in little fucking boxes, making them sit at uncomfortable seats and listen to underpaid, angry people.
02:23:42.000 Not all of them.
02:23:43.000 Some teachers don't give a fuck and they're beautiful people.
02:23:46.000 But some of them are like not being treated with any kind of respect and the end result is they're phoning it in.
02:23:53.000 You know?
02:23:54.000 And so that makes kids, when they think about reading or books or math or any of it, they just have this like the same reaction you have when you've gotten a tequila hangover and someone offers you tequila.
02:24:04.000 Because you've been having this shit pumped into you in the absolute wrong way.
02:24:08.000 We can't educate kids the way we make foie gras by fucking Of course,
02:24:24.000 we all could.
02:24:28.000 Okay, but devil's advocate, when you look at the possibility of computer simulations and you look at the idea that life is some sort of computer program, those people inspired you to not be like them.
02:24:41.000 Those people inspired you with energy and the motivation and will to move past their paradigm and to see the error of their ways.
02:24:53.000 And one of the best ways to see the error of someone's ways is to see someone who's just preaching bullshit living a miserable life.
02:24:59.000 You see it and it's like it's almost more powerful sometimes than a positive image and a positive message.
02:25:06.000 Some of the reason why I got motivated to do all the things that I did was because I was raised shitty.
02:25:12.000 I'll tell you what's motivated me, dude.
02:25:14.000 What's motivated me is running into some really great teachers in my life.
02:25:18.000 You.
02:25:18.000 My friend Emil Amos.
02:25:20.000 This guy is a fucking amazing musician.
02:25:21.000 He's a genius.
02:25:23.000 Different college professors.
02:25:25.000 The professor who convinced me to go to fucking India.
02:25:27.000 Like, really brilliant people.
02:25:30.000 I agree with that.
02:25:30.000 You've done the same thing to me, as have all of my friends.
02:25:35.000 Yeah.
02:25:36.000 I also think that the people that are trying to stop me and the people that have said shitty things to me, those people just, they started a fire inside me.
02:25:45.000 I don't know if it would have been there if it was just a positive reaction.
02:25:49.000 I think the yin and the yang is important.
02:25:52.000 And I am certainly not...
02:25:54.000 Clearly, you're never going to get rid of this fucking negative element, but you can be with people who teach what you just said, which is a kind of Nietzschean idea that part of what we need is a thing to resist.
02:26:08.000 We need a thing to rise above.
02:26:10.000 We need a thing that we can get angry at that motivates us.
02:26:14.000 But that shit can be taught.
02:26:16.000 You can teach that to kids.
02:26:18.000 You can teach that to people.
02:26:20.000 You can show people that...
02:26:22.000 You can just bring people these philosophies that have been developed by super geniuses and let the kids pick.
02:26:29.000 Let them decide.
02:26:30.000 And you can do it coming from charismatics and coming from performers instead of coming from people who just want to get fucking home.
02:26:37.000 So there's positive ways to achieve results.
02:26:39.000 And there's negative ways to achieve positive results.
02:26:42.000 And the negative reinforcement forces you to rebound and to push away from that and thus create a positive result.
02:26:52.000 But it's also possible to create that positive result with correct nurturing and a real philosophy for life.
02:26:58.000 Yeah.
02:26:59.000 A real positive philosophy.
02:27:00.000 So it's almost like we're almost...
02:27:06.000 We're almost destined to follow a positive.
02:27:09.000 We have several different options for achieving a positive result, including being raised badly, including being raised by someone who doesn't care about you and forces you to be a much more loving and caring parent.
02:27:22.000 You know, this is a story.
02:27:24.000 This is going to really probably piss off a lot of the audience because it's a Jesus story.
02:27:28.000 But I just read it.
02:27:29.000 Somebody sent me this book of, like, monks writing essays on the Gospels.
02:27:33.000 And there's this...
02:27:34.000 And when you hear this at first, it's like, come on, that's so fucking stupid.
02:27:37.000 But then when you think about it, it's kind of a cool idea.
02:27:39.000 But there's this story, like, Christ is walking through the temple with his fucking disciples, and there's a blind man that he heals.
02:27:48.000 And they ask him...
02:27:53.000 Why was that man blind?
02:27:55.000 Why was that man born blind?
02:27:56.000 Is it because of his sins?
02:27:58.000 Now you have to understand this is coming from a primitive desert philosophy.
02:28:01.000 Sins and all that shit.
02:28:02.000 But they're saying, is it because of his karma?
02:28:04.000 Or is it because his parents' bad karma?
02:28:06.000 They're asking like, what's the reason that this guy is fucked up?
02:28:09.000 And the response is really brilliant.
02:28:11.000 And the response was, the guy, and if you take it literally, it's stupid, but the response was, he was born blind so that that miracle could be worked through him, so that novelty could come into the universe in the moment that he regained his sight.
02:28:25.000 And I think that's a really beautiful fucking idea, which is that your situation, whatever your specific situation happens to be that is a negative, backed into a corner, dark fucking place, in one way, it's the most awful thing ever.
02:28:40.000 But in another way, there is nothing more fucking beautiful Like when you have a friend who's like a desperate, horrible, fucking alcoholic, whose life has gone to shit, who's broke all the time, and is almost dying, and you see him overcome that fucking addiction, and all of a sudden this guy,
02:28:56.000 wherever he goes, to anyone who's an alcoholic, is like a living representation of the fact that you don't have to live like that.
02:29:03.000 That is fucking powerful.
02:29:05.000 So your negative state, whether you're obese, whether you're drunk, whether you're on heroin, whatever the fucking thing is that you happen to be in because of circumstance or whatever, that has the potential energy.
02:29:17.000 You can convert that into a living teaching.
02:29:20.000 So that everyone around you can see that you mastered yourself and rose above the darkness.
02:29:25.000 And the people who are in that dark place, they'll be inspired by that a million times more than reading the Bhagavad Gita a thousand times or seeing something written down.
02:29:35.000 Because you're the living example of the fact that life, human life, and the human individual's life can radically transform for the positive if you focus.
02:29:46.000 And if you are, there's some luck in there too.
02:29:48.000 So the point is...
02:29:50.000 These negative situations, they're given to us, I don't want to say given, but they're an opportunity to really show people shit can get better.
02:30:00.000 You know like when you see someone who's a cunt?
02:30:04.000 And they're yapping about whatever the fuck, you know what I mean?
02:30:07.000 But their life sucks and they're always in drama and they're in a bad relationship.
02:30:10.000 You know, it's like, what are you talking about?
02:30:12.000 But when you run into an authentically happy person who's utilized principles and transformed their lives, you fucking listen to that, man.
02:30:20.000 Well, when you run into people that are doing things also, you feel the need to do things.
02:30:26.000 When you read about someone who's inspirational, you get inspired.
02:30:31.000 We draw energy from other examples, including negative ones.
02:30:35.000 You'll see a fat person who'll motivate you to go to the gym.
02:30:37.000 You'll see some guy on a fucking scooter with his gut hanging over the handlebars, and you'll throw the Twinkie away.
02:30:44.000 We're capable of taking positives from negatives.
02:30:47.000 Damn right, we can draw energy from all sources.
02:30:50.000 It doesn't just have to be like inspirational people.
02:30:54.000 Certainly you can like, really the idea is whatever the energy is coming into you, shift it, turn it, transform it, be the fucking prism that shifts whatever that energy is into like a beautiful rainbow instead of like a turd.
02:31:08.000 And even when it is positive, just let it enhance your rainbow.
02:31:11.000 Yeah.
02:31:12.000 Enhance your beautiful vision of the world and pump it up even further.
02:31:16.000 And, you know, that idea, it's something that, like, people can say, oh, you guys talk about that all the time.
02:31:22.000 I really think you have to.
02:31:24.000 I think it's something that's a mantra.
02:31:26.000 I think it's something that needs to be repeated.
02:31:28.000 It's an ethic that needs to be ingrained in our mentalities.
02:31:32.000 And that's why I say it all the time.
02:31:33.000 Because I'm also doing it for myself.
02:31:35.000 I want to pump my own version of it up in my own head.
02:31:40.000 I'm not immune to negative feelings and thoughts.
02:31:44.000 I'm just a very diligent watcher.
02:31:46.000 I'm a very diligent guard of my consciousness.
02:31:49.000 So when I repeat positive things, it's not that I'm trying to convince myself.
02:31:54.000 It's I'm reinforcing these positive traits in my own mind and in the mind of other people.
02:31:59.000 It may be a bit repetitive sometimes and get a bit redundant, but I think we need it.
02:32:04.000 I really do.
02:32:05.000 I think you need it yourself.
02:32:06.000 I think I need it.
02:32:08.000 I think society needs it.
02:32:10.000 I think it's missing.
02:32:11.000 It's missing from all of our entertainment.
02:32:13.000 It's missing from Anderson Cooper's CNN reports.
02:32:16.000 It's missing from the fucking news of all the shit of the day and the hurricane devastation.
02:32:21.000 There's missing a broadcast from...
02:32:24.000 From the collective consciousness, a broadcast from the culture of the world that we can slowly but surely, despite all the news and evidence to the contrary, slowly but surely all move towards a more positive state.
02:32:39.000 This thing you're talking about is what I think of as the river and the forest effect.
02:32:45.000 Have you ever been walking in a forest and suddenly you become aware of the sound of the river?
02:32:49.000 It's been there the whole time, but it's such a subtle sound that blends in with the wind and the sound, but all of a sudden you hear that light trickling of water running over rocks.
02:32:59.000 That's what you're talking about.
02:33:00.000 It's a kind of like metaphysical river that runs through everything and it's very subtle and it's very easy to forget that it's there.
02:33:09.000 And we gotta figure out how to get it to the ATF. We gotta figure out how to get it to these fucking crazy assholes.
02:33:15.000 The same people that brought you the Fast and the Furious trying to lock you up for having a rifle and a fucking medical marijuana license.
02:33:21.000 We gotta get this to the same people that run the federal bank that want to pretend there's some fucking crazy debt that we have to pay off.
02:33:27.000 Yes.
02:33:29.000 Yes.
02:33:46.000 Yeah.
02:33:47.000 The fuck are you doing?
02:33:49.000 We have to fix it.
02:33:49.000 Well, first, fucking hear it yourself.
02:33:51.000 That's the first goddamn step.
02:33:53.000 Fix the people, goddamn it.
02:33:55.000 And then get to the point where the consciousness has evolved so much that it's ridiculous to everyone, including the people that are in charge.
02:34:03.000 Yeah, but this is another thing we always say, but just talking about this reminds me of it, man.
02:34:08.000 It's so easy to forget this shit, and it's so easy to go out into the world and everything's goddamn rubbing you the wrong way.
02:34:15.000 Everything can seem so fucking terrible, but then when you realize, no, you don't have to be a victim.
02:34:20.000 You can either get rolled by the wave of phenomena or you can surf on the fucking top of it.
02:34:25.000 And when you remember that, then suddenly when you go out into the world, the asshole you run into at the fucking gym, the shitty waiter, whatever the cunt in traffic, these things become little packets of energy that you can use to enhance your existence and to grow.
02:34:41.000 But god damn, it's easy to forget.
02:34:43.000 And it's easier to let them to be rolled.
02:34:45.000 It's easier to be angry.
02:34:47.000 It's a form of laziness.
02:34:48.000 Yeah, when intellectual laziness and physical laziness, that's one of the things.
02:34:52.000 Look, in order to have a sound body, you have to have a sound mind.
02:34:55.000 It sounds like a cliche, but it's fucking true.
02:34:57.000 You gotta eat healthy, you gotta drink a lot of water, and you gotta get some fucking exercise in.
02:35:02.000 Yes.
02:35:02.000 If you don't get some exercise in, your body's gonna betray you.
02:35:05.000 Your body's gonna lie to you, it's gonna give you stress that's unnecessary.
02:35:08.000 Yeah.
02:35:08.000 It's gonna send you signals that you have to deal with.
02:35:10.000 You need to keep your fucking machine healthy.
02:35:13.000 Your vehicle for traveling through this dimension is your body.
02:35:16.000 Keep that bitch healthy.
02:35:17.000 Yeah.
02:35:17.000 See that?
02:35:18.000 See this shit?
02:35:18.000 This is water.
02:35:19.000 I drink a liter of this every couple hours.
02:35:21.000 I just slurp this shit down.
02:35:22.000 I piss like a racehorse.
02:35:23.000 I piss every five seconds in my pants.
02:35:25.000 It's important, folks.
02:35:26.000 Take your vitamin.
02:35:26.000 Brian's over there with a glass of heroin mixed with AIDS. I flavor my heroin with AIDS. There's nothing like heroin flavored AIDS. Take off your glasses and show the world your eyes, Duncan Trestle.
02:35:37.000 Let them know.
02:35:38.000 Let them see your soul.
02:35:40.000 Let them see through the windows of your soul.
02:35:42.000 They're fun to wear those glasses, man.
02:35:44.000 Folks, this podcast is over.
02:35:45.000 Can I talk about a show?
02:35:47.000 Fuck yeah, you can.
02:35:47.000 I have this show coming up.
02:35:49.000 I'm going to be at the Fun, Fun, Fun Fest this weekend in Austin.
02:35:52.000 What is that?
02:35:54.000 It's this badass festival in Austin that happens on the 4th.
02:35:57.000 Everything is badass in Austin.
02:35:58.000 It's probably not very fun, though.
02:35:59.000 But the show, please come to this.
02:36:00.000 It's Fitzgerald's in Houston on the 6th.
02:36:03.000 That is a show that I really would love for you guys to come.
02:36:06.000 I have one in Dallas, but it's sold out.
02:36:08.000 But the one in Houston, there's still tickets November 6th at Fitzgerald's.
02:36:12.000 If you go to my website, dunkatrustle.com, you get tickets there.
02:36:16.000 Powerful Tonkin.
02:36:17.000 Thanks, Joe.
02:36:17.000 Thanks for letting me plug that.
02:36:18.000 Please, anytime, man.
02:36:19.000 This weekend, Seattle, Washington on Saturday night, the November 3rd at the Moore Theater is completely sold out.
02:36:27.000 Sorry, bitches, but we're just awesome.
02:36:31.000 Voodoo Chicken, are you going to make a scheduled appearance?
02:36:34.000 We're going to contact Voodoo Chicken.
02:36:36.000 Brian Redband's coming, and of course Greg Fitzsimmons will be there as well.
02:36:40.000 And by the way, when I say that we're awesome, Seattle, I mean you guys too.
02:36:45.000 I mean all of us together.
02:36:46.000 It's not just us.
02:36:48.000 I wouldn't say me and Duncan and Brian are awesome.
02:36:51.000 We're all awesome.
02:36:52.000 Yeah.
02:36:53.000 We're all a part of this awesome experience.
02:36:55.000 San Francisco, Friday night, November 2nd, at the Knob Hill Masonic Center.
02:37:00.000 Yeah, I know.
02:37:01.000 Masonic.
02:37:02.000 Peace.
02:37:02.000 I don't know.
02:37:02.000 I don't get it.
02:37:03.000 All hail Moloch.
02:37:04.000 For me, it's just a place to perform, folks.
02:37:06.000 I call Live Nation.
02:37:07.000 I don't even call Live Nation.
02:37:08.000 I have a representative that calls them.
02:37:09.000 I don't even deal with those people myself.
02:37:11.000 You know what I'm saying?
02:37:12.000 I let somebody else do all the dirty work for me.
02:37:14.000 That was the only place.
02:37:15.000 There's nothing sinister about this Knob Hill Masonic Center.
02:37:18.000 And it'll probably smell like weed in there.
02:37:21.000 We're going to get our freak on.
02:37:23.000 San Francisco.
02:37:24.000 It's one of the greatest fucking cities ever.
02:37:25.000 By the way, dude, the Masons knew how to build a place to focus energy.
02:37:28.000 I performed in Masonic Halls.
02:37:30.000 You can really fucking blast the beam in those places, man.
02:37:33.000 You can really do it.
02:37:35.000 Well, it's supposed to be a really cool place.
02:37:36.000 And some tickets are still available for that.
02:37:39.000 Some tickets are also available for the Metropolis in Montreal on November 16th.
02:37:44.000 Are you coming with me, Duncan Trussell?
02:37:46.000 Yes!
02:37:47.000 To Montreal!
02:37:48.000 Yes!
02:37:48.000 I can't fucking wait!
02:37:49.000 I can't fucking wait!
02:37:50.000 Oh, can I say one more thing?
02:37:52.000 I forgot.
02:37:53.000 November 7th and 8th, I'm in New Orleans at the Hell Yeah Fest, so come to that, please.
02:37:57.000 Oh, Brian, my little calendar, you don't have up the 10th, which is San Diego.
02:38:02.000 And Joe Rogan on the Twitter page, please put that up, because Joey Diaz and I are at the Balboa Theater.
02:38:09.000 Maybe Brian Redband, too, if he wants to make a little trip down.
02:38:12.000 On what day?
02:38:12.000 The 10th?
02:38:12.000 Oh, no, you're going to be out of town.
02:38:14.000 You're going to be in Ohio.
02:38:15.000 Yeah.
02:38:15.000 Oh, cool.
02:38:16.000 I'm with Tom Segura and Dayton, November 8th, and Cincinnati, November 9th.
02:38:21.000 Those two shows are not selling as fast as the Columbus people.
02:38:25.000 Yeah, well, Columbus is strong, as always.
02:38:28.000 We might be looking into buying Brian's mom's place in Columbus.
02:38:32.000 She has a fucking bed and breakfast.
02:38:34.000 Nice.
02:38:34.000 And turn it into Death Squad Studios.
02:38:36.000 Turn it into the Death Squad Compound.
02:38:39.000 You're gonna fucking...
02:38:40.000 What are you gonna do with Brian's mom?
02:38:41.000 We're gonna get rid of her.
02:38:42.000 Throw her into the streets.
02:38:43.000 No, she's got two houses.
02:38:45.000 But one of them she owns is a bed and breakfast on a giant piece of land where we can hunt deer.
02:38:49.000 Dude, I like it.
02:38:50.000 How many acres did you talk to mom?
02:38:52.000 Oh, I haven't, but I will.
02:38:53.000 It's a lot.
02:38:55.000 More than 20 acres?
02:38:56.000 You saw just at the driveway.
02:38:57.000 Yeah, it looks pretty big.
02:38:58.000 We need a few hundred acres.
02:39:00.000 We need a Ted Nugent-style high fence.
02:39:02.000 Keep some fucking buffalo roaming around.
02:39:04.000 Fucking tunnels.
02:39:06.000 I found a place online.
02:39:08.000 Some guy sent me this on Twitter where you can buy houses that are built on top of old missile silos.
02:39:15.000 Yeah, hell yeah.
02:39:15.000 There's a bunch of them.
02:39:16.000 Let's get one of those, brother.
02:39:18.000 That's where they used to manufacture the LSD in a fucking missile silo.
02:39:22.000 Come on!
02:39:23.000 Let's get a silo!
02:39:24.000 That was the one that...
02:39:28.000 What's his face?
02:39:29.000 Hamilton Morris.
02:39:30.000 Yes.
02:39:30.000 Yeah.
02:39:32.000 Silo Homes, man.
02:39:33.000 There's a lot of those.
02:39:35.000 These are incredible.
02:39:37.000 There's several homes for sale...
02:39:40.000 That are built.
02:39:41.000 If you go to silohome.com, you can check these out.
02:39:44.000 It sounds like the ultimate apocalyptic scenario.
02:39:47.000 Fun, fun, fun.
02:39:48.000 One of them has a fucking runway for a plane and this rustic-looking log house that's built over this several-floor missile silo that's converted into this crazy storage compound.
02:40:02.000 Fucking fascinating shit, folks.
02:40:03.000 Prepare for the apocalypse.
02:40:04.000 It is coming.
02:40:06.000 You know, it already came to New York and New Jersey and all our brothers and sisters out there on the beach in Jersey that lost your houses.
02:40:13.000 Mad love and respect to you and all the people in Long Island that lost their places, we feel for you.
02:40:18.000 That fucking hurricane's a cunt and a half.
02:40:21.000 And it may be just the beginning of more crazy storms.
02:40:24.000 You've got to keep moving, folks.
02:40:26.000 You can't stay in places that are getting ravaged by nature.
02:40:29.000 There's places on Earth right now where you can't live.
02:40:31.000 You can't live where there are volcanoes.
02:40:32.000 You can't live in Antarctica.
02:40:33.000 You can't live in the fucking North Pole.
02:40:35.000 We gotta keep moving, okay?
02:40:37.000 And that's one more aspect of our world where we have to understand that this is really, truly a global community.
02:40:44.000 And we can't live in the places that suck.
02:40:46.000 And we gotta be able to not be fucking territorial and accept people into new spots.
02:40:51.000 Mexico.
02:40:53.000 Whatever.
02:40:54.000 And make love.
02:40:55.000 Make love and let jizz flow from your penis.
02:40:58.000 Blast that jizz, friends!
02:40:59.000 Blast it!
02:41:00.000 And make people, if you can, and raise them correctly.
02:41:03.000 And be nice to all the folks around you.
02:41:06.000 Drop love bombs.
02:41:07.000 Give the handjobs.
02:41:08.000 Don't put those off.
02:41:10.000 Give happiness.
02:41:12.000 Spread orgasms.
02:41:13.000 You just ruined everything with handjobs.
02:41:14.000 Handjobs?
02:41:14.000 What's that?
02:41:15.000 Some girls don't do that when it's time.
02:41:18.000 Okay, I don't know what you're saying.
02:41:20.000 Sounds like someone has a repulsive penis.
02:41:23.000 How dare you!
02:41:24.000 No one wants to suck it.
02:41:25.000 It's beautiful.
02:41:26.000 It's like a root.
02:41:26.000 It's like the root of a fucking rutabago.
02:41:29.000 It's the root of all evil.
02:41:30.000 What's a rutabago?
02:41:31.000 A rutabag?
02:41:32.000 No, how dare you.
02:41:33.000 It's an oak tree.
02:41:33.000 No, I'm a penis model.
02:41:35.000 I use my penis for...
02:41:36.000 I'm a condom model.
02:41:37.000 Sweet.
02:41:38.000 Alright, folks.
02:41:39.000 For highlights.
02:41:40.000 That is the end of this week's podcasts.
02:41:43.000 Thanks to Onnit.com.
02:41:45.000 For sponsoring our podcast.
02:41:47.000 And On It is now going to sponsor all of the Death Squad podcasts.
02:41:50.000 Including the Duncan Trussell Family Hour.
02:41:52.000 Hell yeah!
02:41:52.000 Which you can get on...
02:41:55.000 Where's my outfit?
02:41:56.000 Are you on Stitcher?
02:41:57.000 I'm on Stitcher.
02:41:57.000 Powerful Stitcher.
02:41:59.000 We're up for some Stitcher awards.
02:42:01.000 By the way, I don't give a fuck if we win or not.
02:42:02.000 Because I'm not really an awards guy.
02:42:05.000 I think the awards for art are silly.
02:42:07.000 But if you give me it, I'll accept it.
02:42:09.000 We're...
02:42:11.000 Fucking shows over.
02:42:13.000 Onnit.com.
02:42:13.000 Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off any and all supplements.
02:42:19.000 Next week, we have Philip Kopens, Lost Civilizations expert on Monday.
02:42:25.000 Brian Callen is on Tuesday.
02:42:27.000 And Peter Dewsberg on Wednesday.
02:42:29.000 He is the biologist from the University of California, Berkeley, that does not believe that HIV causes AIDS. Ooh.
02:42:35.000 We got a lot of cool shit coming on, folks.
02:42:38.000 A lot of craziness, you fucking dirty freaks.
02:42:41.000 And that's it.
02:42:43.000 And by the way, the new studio should be any week now.
02:42:46.000 It's almost done.
02:42:48.000 We're setting up some things next Wednesday.
02:42:50.000 We may very well start broadcasting live in the month of November.
02:42:54.000 That's what it looks like.
02:42:55.000 Yeah, it's going to be sick.
02:42:56.000 All right, you fucks.
02:42:57.000 We love you.
02:42:58.000 We love the shit out of you.
02:43:00.000 And you are us and we are you.
02:43:03.000 One love.
02:43:04.000 Howdy Chris!
02:43:05.000 Keep it going.
02:43:06.000 Lock this shit.