The Joe Rogan Experience - November 19, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #286 - Daniele Bolelli


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 22 minutes

Words per Minute

187.1247

Word Count

26,737

Sentence Count

2,412

Misogynist Sentences

116

Hate Speech Sentences

91


Summary

On this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience, the boys talk about marijuana and why it's a good thing it's legal in 2 states. Also, we talk about how much better sex is better than weed and why you should try it. This episode is brought to you by Onnit, a lifestyle company, a supplement company, and a company that sells you shit to make you more badass. Whether it's Alpha Brain or whether it's New Mood, there is science behind all of the various supplements you can get from Onnit. Whether you're looking to get into fitness, nutrition, or anything in between, Onnit is your go-to place to get the best stuff humanly possible. Onnit can't sell you weed because it's illegal in this country, so they have to get their shit from Canada. And although we're happy to give our Canadian brothers in the north some good stuff, it's hard to keep up with the demand. And unfortunately, because weed is illegal in the US, they can't grow it either, so we have to actually get our shit from the north. And that's a sucky situation, but we're working on it! Enjoy this episode and spread the word to your friends about what's going on in the world of Onnit! -Joe Rogan and The Joe Rogans Experience. XOXO, -Jon Sorrentino and the crew at Onnit Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Music by Suneaters and the boys at Suneater Records. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and tell us what you thought of the music you're listening to this episode. We'll be looking out for you in the next episode. -JOE ROGAN Experience Podcast. Thank you for all the love and support, Jon Rogan Podcast and all the support that you're getting. Thank you, Jon Rogan Experience Podcast! -Jon Rogan and Eberle, Ebs, Max, Eberly, and Eboni, and the rest of the crew. Jon Rogans, Ebonie, and Brian, Ephraim, Eban, and Jake, Emely, Elyssa, Ebrad, and Max, and everyone else! - Thank you so much for all your support and support and all of your support.


Transcript

00:00:03.000 Shut it.
00:00:04.000 Shut it, folks.
00:00:06.000 We're fucking moving.
00:00:07.000 We're in motion right now.
00:00:09.000 We're coming to you live from beautiful Pasadena, California, where it's all going down.
00:00:17.000 Love is in the air.
00:00:19.000 And some other shit that's legal in two states.
00:00:24.000 Holla!
00:00:26.000 This Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by Onnit.
00:00:28.000 Go to onnit.com, use the code name Rogan, and you will save 10% off any and all of the supplements available at Onnit.
00:00:38.000 There's no other way to really truly describe Onnit than, I try to say, a lifestyle company, a supplement company, a company that sells you shit to make you more badass.
00:00:50.000 Everything that on itself is something to make your mind work better, improve your mood, make your body work faster, whether it's fitness equipment, whether it's the supplements, whatever the fuck it is, we're selling you the best shit humanly possible.
00:01:02.000 I'm part owner in this company.
00:01:04.000 That's how much I believe in it.
00:01:05.000 The stuff is the best shit we can find, and when we sell you supplements, no one's trying to rip you off in any way, shape, or form.
00:01:13.000 You can send...
00:01:15.000 You don't have to send shit.
00:01:16.000 If you order the first 30 pills, you get a 100% money-back guarantee.
00:01:19.000 If you don't like it, you just say you don't like it.
00:01:21.000 The reason being twofold.
00:01:23.000 One, we're definitely not trying to rip anybody off.
00:01:25.000 We don't want anybody to have a negative experience.
00:01:27.000 And two, we are so confident that you're going to enjoy the products that we're willing to take that chance.
00:01:33.000 Whether it's Alpha Brain or whether it's New Mood, there is science behind all of these various supplements.
00:01:38.000 Whether it's the Cordyceps Mushroom Supplement, Shroom Tech Sport.
00:01:42.000 Which is one of the best supplements you can ever use as far as endurance goes.
00:01:45.000 It's fucking phenomenal.
00:01:47.000 The Hemp Force protein powder that we sell you, the best hemp protein you can get.
00:01:51.000 The richest in protein, the smoothest, and unfortunately you have to buy it from Canada because it's illegal in this country, yo.
00:01:59.000 This country's kind of whack as fuck with its stupid laws.
00:02:02.000 But we're working that out, right?
00:02:04.000 Colorado and Washington State.
00:02:06.000 Colorado and Washington State stepped up and made marijuana legal.
00:02:12.000 I would love to sell marijuana on it.com.
00:02:14.000 If we could just send bricks of weed through the mail.
00:02:17.000 Someday.
00:02:17.000 Just call them happiness packages.
00:02:19.000 And people say, hey man, marijuana can be bad for you.
00:02:23.000 You know, that's the age old problem.
00:02:26.000 Is that everything can be bad for you.
00:02:28.000 Washing your hands can be bad for you.
00:02:30.000 If you're fucking bananas and you wash your hands a hundred times a day.
00:02:34.000 When you talk to me about people that have a problem with marijuana...
00:02:37.000 I tell you that there's people that have a problem with goddamn everything.
00:02:40.000 Don't concentrate on that.
00:02:42.000 Concentrate on what is being used or what is being achieved with marijuana that's good.
00:02:48.000 And the good aspects of it you can't ignore just because some people have negative experiences.
00:02:54.000 The good aspects of it are you're losing your ego.
00:02:56.000 You're relaxing.
00:02:57.000 You're getting more social.
00:02:59.000 You get more sensitive.
00:03:01.000 Anal sex.
00:03:01.000 Food taste.
00:03:02.000 I don't know about that.
00:03:03.000 Yes.
00:03:03.000 I don't know about that, Brian.
00:03:04.000 You know sex is way better.
00:03:05.000 Shut your mouth.
00:03:06.000 Any kind of sex is better than weed.
00:03:07.000 I don't want to hear about your butt.
00:03:08.000 You know that.
00:03:09.000 Killer Bee Honey is another thing we're selling at Onnit.com.
00:03:11.000 We can't sell you weed, folks.
00:03:13.000 Weed could kill you.
00:03:14.000 Weed could kill you if you take 25 pounds of it and drop it out of an airplane and it hits you in the head.
00:03:19.000 Okay, that's the only way weed kills you.
00:03:21.000 And unfortunately, because weed's illegal, we can't sell you hemp either.
00:03:26.000 So we can sell it, but we can't grow it.
00:03:28.000 It's really a screwy situation.
00:03:30.000 We have to actually get our shit from our neighbor to the north, Canada.
00:03:33.000 And although we're very happy to give our brothers in the north some money, the Canadian farmers, it's all nice and everything, but they're limited too because it's such a high commodity thing now.
00:03:41.000 It's so in demand.
00:03:43.000 It's hard to keep up the supply.
00:03:46.000 Can I just say I love how you've added your own little taste to the Onnit website of having poker be one of the skills that helps you out for...
00:03:57.000 Alpha Brain?
00:03:58.000 Alpha Brain.
00:03:58.000 There's a lot of...
00:03:59.000 You mean pools.
00:04:00.000 That's what you meant.
00:04:00.000 Oh, but it's true.
00:04:02.000 Max Eberle, he's totally addicted to it.
00:04:04.000 Max Eberle, who's one of my very good friends, is one of the best pool players in the world.
00:04:09.000 And Max is a hell of a pool player, and he loves taking Alpha Brain before he plays pool.
00:04:15.000 Poker players swear by it, too.
00:04:17.000 Apparently, there's a lot of the dudes that are on the professional poker tour are really into AlphaBrain.
00:04:25.000 They're into every possible edge you can get.
00:04:27.000 Poker is all about thinking quickly and concisely and being able to formulate all the different possibilities in your mind, and nothing helps with that.
00:04:36.000 There's Max Abley right there.
00:04:37.000 Powerful Max Abley.
00:04:39.000 Yeah, if you see that dude and he wants you to play for money, do not say yes.
00:04:42.000 Sorry to knock your action, Max.
00:04:44.000 That's just fucked up.
00:04:45.000 Just say, hey, instead, let's go find some hot Asians.
00:04:48.000 Yeah, he will fall apart on you.
00:04:49.000 Yeah, he will fall apart on you.
00:04:51.000 Because I play a pretty good fucking pool, but Max heavily buries me every time.
00:04:57.000 He's a monster.
00:04:58.000 I've seen that guy run eight racks of ten ball in a row.
00:05:01.000 That's not, like, unheard of.
00:05:02.000 That shit's ridiculous.
00:05:04.000 I've seen Max Eberle do some freaky shit all on AlphaBrain, folks.
00:05:08.000 Onnit.com.
00:05:09.000 Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off all the supplements.
00:05:13.000 The other shit.
00:05:14.000 The new stuff.
00:05:15.000 We have so much new stuff.
00:05:16.000 You have to go to the website because I can't talk anymore.
00:05:18.000 People get pissed off and they stop listening.
00:05:20.000 Killer B, honey.
00:05:21.000 We got omega-3 jellies for your youngins.
00:05:23.000 Go check it out, folks.
00:05:24.000 That's it.
00:05:25.000 The end.
00:05:26.000 Daniele Bonelli's here, ready to drop some science on you bitches!
00:05:30.000 Are you prepared?
00:05:42.000 I'm trying to shorten these things up, Daniele.
00:05:46.000 You know what I'm saying, man?
00:05:47.000 I talk too much.
00:05:49.000 I'm a rambling dude, and when I have no script in front of me, I probably have that cat parasite disease.
00:05:54.000 I should go look it up.
00:05:57.000 We need to stop talking about it and just do it.
00:05:58.000 Just do it.
00:05:59.000 But I wouldn't want to tell people because then they'd fucking blame everything on my cat parasite.
00:06:03.000 No, we could be the spokesman for it.
00:06:04.000 I think that'd be awesome if we were the spokesman for it.
00:06:06.000 If that many people are infected by it, that'd be awesome.
00:06:08.000 Joey has it.
00:06:09.000 Joey has it 100%.
00:06:10.000 Absolutely.
00:06:10.000 There's no doubt.
00:06:11.000 His kids are about to have it.
00:06:13.000 Joey has had more than 11 cats in his house at one point in time.
00:06:19.000 I don't know what he has now.
00:06:20.000 I think it's 11. It's 11. Yeah, and he has wild cats too.
00:06:23.000 He has ones outside that he only feeds, he doesn't get to touch.
00:06:27.000 Those are the ones that probably have it.
00:06:29.000 Yeah, the feral cats are the ones that probably have it.
00:06:31.000 He's got feral cats too.
00:06:32.000 He takes care of regular cats and feral cats.
00:06:35.000 That's nuts.
00:06:35.000 The thing is that toxoplasma disease, when people get that shit, everybody always hears about the crazy cat lady.
00:06:44.000 Everybody always hears about the crazy cat people that live around all these cats and have 15, 20 cats.
00:06:49.000 If those cats really are hypnotizing those people and forcing them to live around their polluted shit...
00:06:55.000 That's kind of fucked up.
00:06:56.000 It is fucked up.
00:06:57.000 That's why we need to take the test and we'll be the spokesman for it.
00:07:00.000 That's a good idea.
00:07:01.000 That could be our thing.
00:07:02.000 Most folks don't even know what we're talking about.
00:07:03.000 Are you familiar at all with the whole toxoplasma thing?
00:07:05.000 I heard about it, but, you know, kind of like random bad shit that can happen when you have cats around.
00:07:10.000 That was about the extent that I got.
00:07:12.000 That's all you got?
00:07:12.000 Yeah.
00:07:13.000 Really?
00:07:13.000 But you're like a super smart dude and a professor.
00:07:16.000 I fake it, man.
00:07:17.000 You fake it?
00:07:17.000 I just fake it well.
00:07:19.000 That's what it is.
00:07:19.000 You're very well-read, but is there almost too many things?
00:07:24.000 See my education?
00:07:26.000 It goes deep, son.
00:07:27.000 Fucking strong with the grammar.
00:07:29.000 There's too many things to know.
00:07:32.000 In this day and age, to really truly be a renaissance man, there you are.
00:07:37.000 It doesn't matter how well-read you are.
00:07:38.000 It doesn't matter how curious you are.
00:07:40.000 You are going to come across subjects that you have no idea.
00:07:43.000 There's just too much information out.
00:07:44.000 About anything.
00:07:45.000 Even about the stuff that you do know about, there will still be the areas that you don't know about.
00:07:49.000 You know what I mean?
00:07:50.000 It's the nature of the beast, but at the same time, to me, in a way, it doesn't matter because the real deep stuff is the same in any specific field of knowledge you discuss.
00:08:00.000 Whether you're talking about martial arts or sex or you name it, whatever.
00:08:04.000 At the end of the day, The big themes are gonna show up regardless of where you start.
00:08:09.000 So even if you don't know every little thing that is to know, which nobody will ever get there, then who the hell cares as long as you get the essence of the game.
00:08:16.000 Yeah, and you know, it's like, I think that's part of how religion got a stronghold on humanity, because that reality of all these different things that you don't know, and so much out there that it's...
00:08:32.000 There was a quote by Terence McKenna about...
00:08:37.000 I think it was his brother Dennis, actually, that said it.
00:08:39.000 About expanding the field of vision just really shows you more of what you don't know.
00:08:47.000 And that if you have a campfire, the brighter the campfire, the more darkness is revealed.
00:08:53.000 And it's not that you ever uncover it all.
00:08:56.000 The more information you take in, the more...
00:09:00.000 It gets more and more confusing to the point where the real comfort comes in simplicity.
00:09:05.000 That's why I like country music.
00:09:07.000 Songs are so popular.
00:09:09.000 The idea of embracing simplicity, especially in this day and age, it's pretty popular because it feels good to pretend that You know, like fucking life's a John Wayne movie.
00:09:17.000 It feels good to pretend that this stuff makes sense, where the more you look at life and the more you look at all the different variables, and then the fact that we're finite beings, just that alone is the ultimate mindfuck.
00:09:30.000 That no matter how well you do, you know, you have a short amount of time in this spot, in this dimension.
00:09:37.000 So, the most noble aspects of religion, I've always defended the noble aspects of religion because I've seen it do good things to people that have issues.
00:09:47.000 I've seen it used as a scaffolding for developing good ethical and moral behavior.
00:09:53.000 But the worst aspects of it are always the insistence on limiting information, the insistence on slowing the...
00:10:02.000 And it's not all religion, by the way, folks, and I'm not blaming all...
00:10:05.000 But I'm saying there's an aspect, let's not even call it religion, there's an aspect of human nature, when you're in a position of power, and all of a sudden there's information that's coming at you, so you control a bunch of people.
00:10:16.000 Which, by the way, if you run a school, or if you're a preacher, You're in a position of power.
00:10:22.000 You might not think of it as a position of power.
00:10:24.000 You might think of it as a position of teaching, but you're clearly in a position of power.
00:10:29.000 And it's just very unfortunate that when human beings get to that spot where there's one person controlling another person or in charge of speaking more than the other people, They want to, like, hold that and manipulate it.
00:10:41.000 And if information comes in, contrary to what they've been teaching, they fight that fucking shit tooth and nail.
00:10:47.000 And unfortunately, it happens even in the lowest levels of academia.
00:10:50.000 It doesn't just happen in religion.
00:10:53.000 It happens when professors get challenged on, you know, long-standing ideas that are proven to be false.
00:11:00.000 I mean, it goes way...
00:11:01.000 We want to think that, like, when you go way back to, like, Galileo getting house arrest for saying that the Earth wasn't the center of the universe...
00:11:07.000 You want to think, yeah, but that was then.
00:11:09.000 We're past that shit now.
00:11:11.000 Not quite.
00:11:12.000 We just have enough information so it's way too ridiculous to lock somebody up for saying that the Earth is in the center of the universe.
00:11:21.000 But it's still okay to teach in schools that the Earth is only 10,000 years old.
00:11:27.000 You know what I mean?
00:11:28.000 That blows my mind.
00:11:29.000 Crazy!
00:11:30.000 They're still doing it!
00:11:31.000 I know.
00:11:31.000 There's people...
00:11:32.000 I don't remember what state it is.
00:11:34.000 Let's be nice and pretend we don't know what state it is.
00:11:36.000 But it's definitely where it's warm out.
00:11:38.000 And these motherfuckers, they're trying to teach alternative theories to the theory of evolution.
00:11:45.000 And, you know, they're saying, well, it's just a theory.
00:11:48.000 Evolution is just a theory.
00:11:50.000 This hasn't been proven.
00:11:52.000 You show me transitionary fossil...
00:11:55.000 Listen, forget calling you the evolutionary theory.
00:11:58.000 Let's just talk about the theory of how shit got to be what it is now.
00:12:03.000 You know, when you call it evolution, call it whatever you want.
00:12:06.000 Stop saying a name that you disagree with.
00:12:08.000 Evolution means lack of God.
00:12:11.000 Who created evolution?
00:12:13.000 If you just throw away that word, what's going on?
00:12:17.000 Well, obviously things are improving right in front of us all the time, constantly.
00:12:20.000 Whether it's social things, whether it's the physical capabilities of human beings, you know, the size of lions in Africa that get stuck on an island.
00:12:30.000 When things have to get better or they have to get better at something in order to improve, they do.
00:12:36.000 And it seems like that's going on from the moment the Big Bang happened to the cooling of these planets to the time where You can support liquid water to the emergence of life.
00:12:46.000 There's a constant series of complications or a constant process of things being more and more complicated.
00:12:54.000 And that's just unavoidable.
00:12:57.000 It seems like that's everywhere around us, everywhere we look.
00:13:00.000 So you've got to call it something.
00:13:01.000 Say, maybe there's a God, and maybe what God does is just plant seeds, just like we do when we make a tomato plant.
00:13:09.000 We're not involved in the entire process.
00:13:10.000 Maybe the God is the seed planter of the universe, but the motion and the way that everything goes is sort of undeniable.
00:13:18.000 It becomes more and more complex, and when you have people that are in positions of power that insist on using information that's really fucking old.
00:13:27.000 Well, I mean, it's the nature of the business, right?
00:13:29.000 If you are in a position of power, anything that threatens it is a threat to you.
00:13:32.000 So fuck whatever new information.
00:13:34.000 You don't want anything to change.
00:13:35.000 And new information can change.
00:13:36.000 And by definition, then it's bad.
00:13:38.000 Do they use any of the Dead Sea Scrolls?
00:13:40.000 Does any Christian religion embrace?
00:13:42.000 I mean, granted, there are, last time I checked, there are 30,000 different denominations of Christianity.
00:13:48.000 So that's quite a few.
00:13:49.000 Is that true?
00:13:50.000 30,000?
00:13:51.000 Holy shit.
00:13:52.000 Which ones have the most sex?
00:13:54.000 Yeah.
00:13:56.000 You know, that's what you got to look at.
00:13:57.000 Is it the Mormons?
00:13:59.000 They seem like the healthiest.
00:14:00.000 You would dig.
00:14:00.000 There was this one guy, very early Christianity, Carpo Kratis or some weird Greek name like that, that I think second century Christianity, who argued that the way to heaven went through sex orgies.
00:14:12.000 Wow, what a good guy.
00:14:13.000 What a good fellow.
00:14:15.000 What year was this?
00:14:29.000 Very early on.
00:14:30.000 It was like, I want to say second century, something like that.
00:14:33.000 He knew how to live.
00:14:34.000 Yeah.
00:14:34.000 That guy knew how to live.
00:14:35.000 But can you imagine, like, Eddie's version of Christianity prevailed rather than simple?
00:14:39.000 It would have been awesome.
00:14:40.000 In fact, Sunday morning, everybody would be rushing to church like crazy, knocking on the door, please let me back in, you know?
00:14:46.000 The problem is there's always going to be some dudes left out that no one wants to fuck.
00:14:49.000 And those assholes will ruin it for everybody else.
00:14:52.000 I think that's the history of religions, right?
00:14:54.000 That is, man.
00:14:55.000 They come along and they say, this is not God's way!
00:14:57.000 Why?
00:14:57.000 Because nobody wants to fuck that guy.
00:14:59.000 That's exactly my thinking about that.
00:15:01.000 Yeah, man.
00:15:01.000 If he looked like Channing Tatum.
00:15:03.000 Is that the guy?
00:15:04.000 The really handsome fellow?
00:15:05.000 Channing Tatum?
00:15:05.000 That's the guy you like.
00:15:06.000 That's the guy I like.
00:15:07.000 If that dude looked like Channing Tatum, he would never be proposing that.
00:15:11.000 He'd be like, that's him.
00:15:12.000 We'll need to settle down.
00:15:13.000 We'll raise each other's kids.
00:15:15.000 That's what McKenna proposed, too.
00:15:17.000 He proposed that there was just these wild psychedelic drug orgies and that they would take mushrooms and have these orgies and that before, you know, when they really couldn't identify who was the father because they were all being polyamorous, as it were.
00:15:33.000 Having sex with a bunch of different people.
00:15:35.000 But McKenna, I always felt like there was a little bit of wistfulness in those concepts that I felt like, well, you look at McKenna and you're like, it's probably hard for that guy to get pussy when he was young.
00:15:46.000 He probably concocted some wacky-ass theories of...
00:15:49.000 Things gone by the way things were.
00:15:52.000 Maybe not, dude.
00:15:54.000 Maybe it's always been cavemen clubbing bitches over heads and dragging them into holes to shoot loads into them.
00:15:59.000 Because that seems like what it used to be.
00:16:02.000 At some point in time, did it really become mushroom orgies?
00:16:06.000 I don't know.
00:16:07.000 I think he would have liked that.
00:16:08.000 I think down to this day, it's every theory you ever hear from anybody.
00:16:11.000 It's all about being able to get laid better.
00:16:14.000 That's my quick synthesis of human nature.
00:16:16.000 Well, there's no denying the workings of the human body.
00:16:21.000 The human body requires a lot of different things.
00:16:24.000 It requires stimulation.
00:16:27.000 That's why people go crazy when you put them in solitary confinement.
00:16:30.000 It requires the human touch.
00:16:32.000 I moved to L.A. in 1994, I guess.
00:16:36.000 I was out here doing a sitcom.
00:16:38.000 I didn't know anybody out here.
00:16:40.000 I really didn't like work.
00:16:41.000 It wasn't that fun.
00:16:43.000 It was a couple guys that I liked on the set.
00:16:45.000 I was dealing with all these actors.
00:16:47.000 It was a real alien experience for me.
00:16:48.000 I missed my girlfriend back home in New York.
00:16:51.000 I was out here for a couple of weeks.
00:16:53.000 This girl that I was working with on the show, she gave me a hug.
00:16:57.000 It was no big deal.
00:16:58.000 I was like, hey, how are you?
00:17:00.000 What's going on?
00:17:01.000 I'm excited to see you.
00:17:01.000 She gave me this hug at work.
00:17:03.000 I remember feeling like I went to the gas station and I filled up my tank.
00:17:10.000 I was on empty and now I'm better.
00:17:13.000 She gave me something by giving me a hug.
00:17:16.000 It wasn't a sexual thing.
00:17:17.000 It was a touch thing.
00:17:19.000 I think we're so used to being hugged and so used to being social.
00:17:25.000 It's so common that you don't realize When you step away from it for a little bit, you fucking need the human touch.
00:17:32.000 When you haven't been hugged for a while and someone hugs you, it feels amazing.
00:17:36.000 It just feels great.
00:17:37.000 Just to get a nice hug from a person.
00:17:39.000 A guy!
00:17:40.000 It's not a sexual thing.
00:17:42.000 It could be a guy.
00:17:43.000 That's one thing that cracked me up when I moved to the U.S. is that I was used to giving hugs to women and men.
00:17:49.000 Right.
00:17:49.000 And out here, a bunch of men, I realized, they would always...
00:17:52.000 It's hand-to-hand in between three pats on the back with heaps thrust 20 inches away because otherwise it's sexual or something.
00:17:59.000 And I'm like...
00:18:00.000 Oh, fuck that.
00:18:01.000 I mean, if you're going to give me a hug, give me a hug.
00:18:02.000 I just rub my dicks on dudes.
00:18:04.000 I just rub my dick on dudes' legs and shit and hips.
00:18:07.000 I like to rub my dick on their hips.
00:18:09.000 It doesn't even make sense.
00:18:10.000 Just give them a hug and rub my dick on their hips.
00:18:13.000 Yeah, I hug the fuck out of people.
00:18:15.000 I don't care.
00:18:16.000 We always say that when we're going to Twitter.
00:18:18.000 We're on Twitter going to shows.
00:18:20.000 Free hugs at the Ice House tonight.
00:18:24.000 We always say silly shit like that.
00:18:25.000 Nothing wrong with hugging people, man.
00:18:27.000 But there is something wrong when somebody wants to hug you and you don't want to hug them.
00:18:31.000 Then there's something wrong with hugging.
00:18:32.000 Then you're like, listen, man.
00:18:33.000 I don't even know you.
00:18:35.000 Or people that want to hug you that have bad breath.
00:18:37.000 You can hug me, but you've got to keep your mouth shut.
00:18:39.000 The worst is the sweaty palms or sweaty hands or is it like a dead fish?
00:18:42.000 It's so often.
00:18:43.000 Well, I think it's strengthening my immune system because I do these shows and after the shows I'll shake hands with like hundreds of people.
00:18:49.000 Because after the shows I wait in line and I take pictures with everybody.
00:18:52.000 I just feel like, you know, it's only a couple more hours of my time and it's...
00:18:58.000 I'm so fortunate in so many ways that I feel like I have...
00:19:02.000 Dice wears gloves.
00:19:04.000 He won't even shake people's hands.
00:19:06.000 Dice wears his weightlifting gloves.
00:19:08.000 The funniest was when we were...
00:19:10.000 Did I say this already?
00:19:11.000 With Greg Fitzsimmons when we were in Seattle and we were taking photos together.
00:19:15.000 You were taking photos and then they would come to us And me and him would take photos together.
00:19:19.000 And he was saying like how he doesn't shake hands, he just fist bumps.
00:19:23.000 And so I'm like, you know, that makes so much sense because I am touching all these people's hands.
00:19:28.000 And so I did, the next person I went up to happened to be an Asian guy and his girlfriend or whatever.
00:19:32.000 I did a fist bump and he goes, hey, you're the only one he hasn't done shaking the person's hand.
00:19:37.000 Like he tried to throw me underneath the bus.
00:19:39.000 Like he doesn't want to shake her.
00:19:40.000 Greg did that?
00:19:40.000 Yeah.
00:19:41.000 And so then...
00:19:43.000 And then I was trying to get him back.
00:19:46.000 So what I would do is we would have her arm around the guy.
00:19:50.000 And Greg said, I don't touch the person.
00:19:53.000 So when they do the arm thing, I just stand there.
00:19:56.000 I don't put my arm around them.
00:19:57.000 So I would always be like, come on, Greg, put your arm around the guy.
00:20:00.000 Let's take a photo here.
00:20:02.000 And so he would have to do it.
00:20:03.000 He really doesn't hug people?
00:20:04.000 No, no.
00:20:04.000 And so then I started moving his hand down.
00:20:07.000 And so he would touch the guy's butt and stuff.
00:20:10.000 It was hilarious.
00:20:11.000 We were having the greatest time doing that stupid shit.
00:20:14.000 Yeah, we went for a series of maybe...
00:20:18.000 Five years of photos where Brian made a bah face in the back of the photo?
00:20:22.000 It's not a joke.
00:20:23.000 There might be 100,000 photos plus of Brian.
00:20:27.000 I mean, he was fucking committed to it.
00:20:29.000 Yeah, that's a new era of humanity, the photo era.
00:20:35.000 There's more photos today than there ever were, ever.
00:20:38.000 I mean, in one day, I bet, there's more photos taken than the entire history of the human race.
00:20:44.000 Can you imagine history books in 100 years?
00:20:46.000 It's just going to be fucking MySpace photos from the top.
00:20:50.000 This person who did this important thing in time.
00:20:54.000 This is Tila Tequila.
00:20:55.000 And this was her website that really shocked the world.
00:20:58.000 Speaking of photos, just so you guys know why guests may seem distracted and weird, right behind Joe's head, there's this giant picture of a girl with very generous cleavage.
00:21:11.000 Do you know who that is?
00:21:13.000 I want to know, but...
00:21:14.000 It's beautiful.
00:21:15.000 You're not American.
00:21:16.000 That's Pamela Anderson, man.
00:21:18.000 You've got to be kidding me.
00:21:18.000 That's Pamela Anderson.
00:21:19.000 Yeah, not knowing who Pam...
00:21:20.000 I look like I'm eight years old.
00:21:22.000 See how she's so yellow?
00:21:23.000 You know what?
00:21:24.000 It's because of the hepatitis C. That's why I... Oh, Brian, stop that.
00:21:27.000 That's so mean.
00:21:28.000 To be honest, it's actually the first moment.
00:21:31.000 I've been here like 40 minutes.
00:21:32.000 It's the first second that my eyesight goes above her clavicles.
00:21:36.000 You were just looking out with balloons?
00:21:37.000 Yeah, definitely.
00:21:39.000 When I was a younger man, I would have loved them so.
00:21:41.000 But now I look at them and I say, they look great and everything, but I can't get past the irony or the ridiculousness of the fact that there's a bag of water under your nipple.
00:21:52.000 I can totally get past that.
00:21:54.000 It's fucking crazy.
00:21:54.000 Oh, dude, that's so crazy.
00:21:56.000 Just saying that, I had a dream, Brian, that we were at a strip club.
00:22:01.000 And you and I were at a strip club, and there was a girl with a fake butt And you kept saying, dude, she's got a fake butt.
00:22:07.000 She's got a fake, this is a real, get her over here.
00:22:09.000 She'll show us, she'll tell us.
00:22:11.000 And this girl was covered in oil and you were like pinching her fake butt like you can't feel it at all.
00:22:17.000 And I was just shocked at how odd it was.
00:22:21.000 I don't know why.
00:22:22.000 You got to see my life.
00:22:23.000 You time-traveled.
00:22:24.000 Yeah, I time-traveled.
00:22:26.000 Well, tell me, because this girl had an arm bracelet on, as if she was a Muay Thai fighter or some shit, and she had black hair.
00:22:33.000 She had black hair.
00:22:33.000 She was covered in oil, and she was quite tan.
00:22:36.000 She had black hair and she was tan, but I don't think she was oil, just pussy juice.
00:22:40.000 How come girls don't go with the tan lines?
00:22:42.000 Tan lines are gone.
00:22:43.000 They don't exist anymore.
00:22:44.000 You don't see them in porn.
00:22:45.000 If you ever see them in porn, you get all excited.
00:22:47.000 Oh, it's the hottest shit ever.
00:22:48.000 Yeah, ever.
00:22:49.000 Underboob tan line perfection.
00:22:52.000 Garfield looking down at the sidewalk.
00:22:53.000 It's great.
00:22:54.000 Garfield looking at the sidewalk?
00:22:55.000 Yeah.
00:22:56.000 What the fuck?
00:22:56.000 I don't know what you're talking about.
00:22:58.000 Just imagine the tan lines.
00:22:59.000 That's two.
00:22:59.000 Thank you.
00:23:00.000 I'm glad.
00:23:00.000 Do you know what he's talking about?
00:23:01.000 No.
00:23:02.000 There's three.
00:23:02.000 Three people in this room.
00:23:03.000 What?
00:23:03.000 Nobody knows what the fuck you're talking about.
00:23:05.000 Brian, your brain.
00:23:06.000 Think about it.
00:23:07.000 Garfield...
00:23:08.000 I think you have a hamster parasite.
00:23:10.000 Everybody else got that cat parasite?
00:23:12.000 You got like a hamster parasite.
00:23:13.000 Garfield looking down at the sidewalk, underboob.
00:23:15.000 Bam!
00:23:16.000 Oh, okay.
00:23:17.000 I did not know what the fuck that meant.
00:23:20.000 That's a weird thing that girls can do where they can go out and literally their entire tit can be hanging out.
00:23:26.000 As long as their areolas are covered, it's okay.
00:23:29.000 That is such a weird thing with us.
00:23:31.000 You can paint your tits.
00:23:33.000 Have you ever seen that?
00:23:34.000 When people paint their whole body so they're fucking naked and you have paint on and your tits are out and you're just wandering around at a party.
00:23:41.000 Guys with their girlfriends, they've found a loophole for showing their tits.
00:23:47.000 Look, I'm not a hater.
00:23:49.000 I'm just saying it's a weird thing that you can just paint your tits and we're pretending that's clothes.
00:23:53.000 When did paint become clothes?
00:23:55.000 Because it's not dick clothes, I'll tell you that.
00:23:57.000 You can't paint your dick.
00:23:58.000 We should try.
00:23:58.000 No, you can't.
00:23:59.000 You go right to jail.
00:24:00.000 You can't just paint your dick and go out.
00:24:02.000 They will arrest you.
00:24:03.000 They will lock you up for sure.
00:24:04.000 They'll say you're naked.
00:24:04.000 But a girl can be topless and covered in paint and somehow or another we let that slide.
00:24:09.000 Even if it's painted like a turkey...
00:24:10.000 I say we like I'm a law enforcement officer.
00:24:12.000 We're out on the field.
00:24:14.000 We're out there on the streets trying to keep people safe.
00:24:16.000 I don't want tits out.
00:24:17.000 If it's painted really well, though, like if it was a turkey gobbler or something like that, or, you know...
00:24:22.000 Like it's nice.
00:24:23.000 It's pretty.
00:24:24.000 Like it's a cool...
00:24:25.000 It's artwork.
00:24:25.000 Artwork.
00:24:26.000 Yeah.
00:24:26.000 Well, I guess there's an argument for that.
00:24:28.000 Look, I think you should be able to do it.
00:24:29.000 Don't get me wrong.
00:24:30.000 But I think it is weird that you're allowed to do it.
00:24:33.000 You're not allowed to be topless, but you are allowed to be topless with paint on your tits.
00:24:36.000 Yeah, that's the fucked up part.
00:24:38.000 You're not allowed to be topless.
00:24:39.000 What the fuck is that?
00:24:40.000 I mean, it's just like we have, what, San Fernando Valley is world capital of porn, but at the same time, if a woman gets topless on the beach, it's considered indecent exposure and you go to jail.
00:24:48.000 We're very ridiculous.
00:24:49.000 What?
00:24:49.000 What if we get painted on and we go to the strip club?
00:24:53.000 I don't think you can do that.
00:24:54.000 I think they'll arrest you.
00:24:56.000 We should try.
00:24:58.000 Just paint jeans on.
00:25:00.000 Paint jeans.
00:25:00.000 Yeah, I guess.
00:25:02.000 Why not?
00:25:02.000 It really gets down to the question of how thin is clothes.
00:25:07.000 At what point in time is it not clothes?
00:25:09.000 When it's opaque, is it clothes?
00:25:10.000 I can see the outline of your dick.
00:25:12.000 If you're wearing clear pants, are you allowed to wear clear pants?
00:25:15.000 Say if you were wearing, it looked like saran wrap, clear pants, and I just see your cock and balls.
00:25:21.000 Is that legal?
00:25:22.000 Because you're wearing clothes.
00:25:23.000 You're just wearing clear clothes.
00:25:25.000 Probably not legal.
00:25:27.000 Unless you're trimmed.
00:25:29.000 I think if you had no pubic hair, it might be legal.
00:25:31.000 What if you had this whole monster bush?
00:25:33.000 I think it's the bush.
00:25:35.000 Ass hair, everything.
00:25:36.000 No underwear.
00:25:38.000 Walking around.
00:25:39.000 So are you allowed to walk around in underwear?
00:25:41.000 That's a question.
00:25:42.000 Yeah.
00:25:43.000 Are you?
00:25:43.000 I think so.
00:25:44.000 Can you just walk somewhere with underwear on?
00:25:46.000 Can you walk into a store with underwear on?
00:25:48.000 I would think so.
00:25:50.000 You can walk in if you have board shorts and no underwear on.
00:25:54.000 They don't even know, and meanwhile, there's just a thin layer of cloth between you and your dangerous dick.
00:25:59.000 Girls wear bathing suits everywhere, so that's underwear.
00:26:01.000 Are they allowed to wear bathing suits into a store?
00:26:03.000 Yeah.
00:26:04.000 Every store?
00:26:05.000 My ex-girlfriends do.
00:26:06.000 You did a bunch of sneaky bitches, though.
00:26:09.000 Olive Garden in a bathing suit.
00:26:11.000 She went in a bathing suit to Olive Garden.
00:26:13.000 That's how you know you're classy.
00:26:17.000 Boy.
00:26:17.000 You should have married that girl.
00:26:19.000 The naked story brings back a memory.
00:26:22.000 I had the most annoying neighbors in the universe who are hardcore Christian fundamentalists, total freaks who made noise at all.
00:26:28.000 Don't give out their address online, but give out the house right next to them.
00:26:31.000 Just text it.
00:26:33.000 I'll be nice.
00:26:34.000 Plus, they probably moved by now and somebody else would get stuck with people.
00:26:38.000 But in any case, these guys were just bugging the shit out of me.
00:26:41.000 And they were in the back, they were cleaning their car.
00:26:45.000 It was like, the way the houses were set up, this was about a full one foot out of my screen door that was open in the back was summer.
00:26:52.000 So there was only, I only had the screen door, but you could see inside because I had the light on.
00:26:55.000 I was like, how do I piss these people off?
00:26:57.000 They're bugging the hell out of me with their obnoxious music.
00:27:00.000 I was like, you know what?
00:27:02.000 Fuck, I play naked chef.
00:27:03.000 So I was cooking at the moment.
00:27:05.000 They were right there, so I decided I'll just cook naked.
00:27:08.000 And they are not quite paying attention yet, so I'm going to make sure to pump the music a little so they'll look inside.
00:27:13.000 With one second from the time I did that, they were out back in the house, locked behind them, and it was...
00:27:20.000 You like it when they watch that.
00:27:22.000 There was a guy who was arrested.
00:27:25.000 Did you hear about this story?
00:27:26.000 A guy was arrested for that very thing.
00:27:28.000 In Springfield, Virginia, a guy named Eric Williamson was arrested and charged with indecent exposure for failing to put on any clothes after getting up at 5.30am to make some coffee.
00:27:39.000 In his house?
00:27:41.000 In his own fucking house.
00:27:43.000 A woman and her seven-year-old daughter had cut across Williams' front yard and saw him through his kitchen window.
00:27:49.000 Well, first of all, that cunt's a trespasser.
00:27:51.000 Right.
00:27:51.000 And in fucking Colorado and parts west, they could just shoot that crazy bitch.
00:27:55.000 So she called the cops because the guy was making coffee naked.
00:27:58.000 The guy got out of fucking bed and made coffee.
00:28:01.000 It's not like he was beating off in front of the window, banging on it.
00:28:03.000 Hey!
00:28:05.000 You and the kid!
00:28:06.000 That's crazy.
00:28:07.000 If convicted, Williamson could be fined $2,000 and could spend a year in jail.
00:28:12.000 And this is incredible.
00:28:14.000 This is 2009. Shh.
00:28:16.000 Damn.
00:28:16.000 I don't know what happened.
00:28:17.000 But I think this has happened more than once.
00:28:21.000 My favorite tire the other day was some guy gave a $2,000 ticket to a toddler who was pissing in his own backyard.
00:28:29.000 Oh, God.
00:28:30.000 A toddler?
00:28:31.000 It did happen again.
00:28:34.000 It happened in October this year in Yorkstown, Virginia.
00:28:37.000 And again, it's all places where it's fucking too hot out.
00:28:40.000 Those people are retarded.
00:28:42.000 Not all of them, but a good percentage of them.
00:28:44.000 Right?
00:28:45.000 A good, solid percentage.
00:28:47.000 If you're in Virginia, a good, solid percentage of the people that you're...
00:28:52.000 Solage?
00:28:53.000 Is that even a word?
00:28:54.000 Is that what I said?
00:28:54.000 I think I said...
00:28:55.000 I heard it coming out of my mouth.
00:28:56.000 I'm like, stupid.
00:28:57.000 By the way, both of these incidents happened in Virginia.
00:28:59.000 Two separate towns in Virginia.
00:29:02.000 God, people are stupid as fuck.
00:29:05.000 This guy was 69 years old.
00:29:08.000 He was in his house.
00:29:09.000 He was standing naked in front of the window.
00:29:11.000 Well, that might have been different.
00:29:13.000 This guy seems a little creepy.
00:29:14.000 Yeah.
00:29:15.000 It's again, a woman with her kids.
00:29:16.000 Walking her kids.
00:29:18.000 And this dude, she said he made no effort to cover himself.
00:29:21.000 And was in clear view of the public.
00:29:23.000 You know why?
00:29:24.000 Because he's probably not even sure if he's alive anymore.
00:29:26.000 He's 69 years old.
00:29:28.000 When was the last time anyone touched his dick?
00:29:29.000 He's probably on all kinds of pills.
00:29:31.000 And he's just like, I just want to be naked in front of the window.
00:29:34.000 Am I even alive anymore?
00:29:36.000 Does somebody out there have the answers for me?
00:29:40.000 So he takes his clothes off and stands in front of the mirror.
00:29:42.000 It's always some cock-blocking bitch.
00:29:45.000 Just hating.
00:29:47.000 With her kids.
00:29:52.000 Not to say the guy wasn't creepy and crazy.
00:29:54.000 I'm sure he is.
00:29:55.000 But really, it's your house.
00:29:57.000 You should be allowed to be naked.
00:29:59.000 You know what's fun about having a beetle is that every time you drive by kids, they punch each other because it's a slug bug beetle.
00:30:06.000 What?
00:30:06.000 You're supposed to go like, slug bug black, and then you punch the person in the shoulder.
00:30:09.000 I don't know what you're talking about.
00:30:10.000 I've never heard of that.
00:30:10.000 Yeah, it's like a kid's thing.
00:30:12.000 Every time you see a beetle, you have to say the color of the beetle, like slug bug red, if it's a red beetle.
00:30:17.000 And then you punch the person in the...
00:30:19.000 Oh, so they could punch you if they see the same car again?
00:30:22.000 Right.
00:30:22.000 Or if they see another Beetle.
00:30:24.000 Oh, any Beetle.
00:30:25.000 Yeah, so it's funny because you see it.
00:30:27.000 When you drive a Beetle, you see it.
00:30:29.000 Just driving by people, you'll see it every five people will do it.
00:30:33.000 Yeah, I would recommend not playing that game with anybody who knows how to punch.
00:30:36.000 Yeah, right.
00:30:37.000 Well, I was thinking just go to a schoolgirl when they get out of class.
00:30:41.000 Just keep on driving by real slow.
00:30:44.000 Japanese schoolgirls.
00:30:45.000 Japanese schoolgirls, what?
00:30:46.000 Like a school.
00:30:48.000 We're good to go.
00:30:51.000 We're good to go.
00:31:06.000 Yeah, a schoolgirl.
00:31:07.000 And then you fly those airplanes and get a kite.
00:31:09.000 You know, light a cigarette.
00:31:11.000 You know when you cut grass?
00:31:12.000 Like, there's something wrong with your brain.
00:31:14.000 These sentences that you're putting together, they're nonsensical.
00:31:18.000 And you say, I'm like, yeah, you know.
00:31:20.000 I don't know.
00:31:21.000 Maybe I'm partially to blame for nursing this.
00:31:24.000 I don't know.
00:31:25.000 Maybe it's partially my fault.
00:31:28.000 Why is it naked?
00:31:29.000 Why is being naked illegal?
00:31:30.000 Is that a religion thing?
00:31:31.000 Is that even in the Bible?
00:31:32.000 Do you have to wear clothes?
00:31:33.000 You know, it's awesome because all the sexual stuff is, it's hilarious because, especially in Christianity, because Jesus doesn't really talk about sex.
00:31:41.000 I mean, there's like one minor reference where people think actually it was a joke and he was trying to say the opposite, but in any case, It's a known issue.
00:31:47.000 It just never touches on the topic.
00:31:49.000 For all we know, he could have been having orgies from morning to night or could have been totally set.
00:31:54.000 We have no idea.
00:31:55.000 This is Jesus, but what about the...
00:31:56.000 Doesn't the Old Testament have some sexual references?
00:31:59.000 Oh.
00:31:59.000 Does it forbade homosexuality?
00:32:03.000 Oh, yeah.
00:32:03.000 Yeah, what does it say about a man's lines with a man?
00:32:06.000 He should be stoned, right?
00:32:07.000 Oh, yeah, which maybe is to interpret it in a different way, but...
00:32:10.000 Yeah, it'd be cool if they meant that.
00:32:11.000 Like, if you guys are having sex, you should get high first because it'll feel better.
00:32:15.000 Yeah.
00:32:16.000 Wouldn't it be funny if it was just a big misunderstanding and the dummies came along, oh, we've got to throw rocks at them, and then it became that.
00:32:23.000 It was like if two guys are lying around together, like, you listen, if you want to get really comfortable with each other, you've got to get high first.
00:32:31.000 That should be it.
00:32:32.000 They make you emperor of the world.
00:32:34.000 That should be one of the first laws passed.
00:32:36.000 Yeah, I've always said there's two types of people that are trying to stop gay marriage and gay sex.
00:32:40.000 It's people that are really dumb and people that are secretly worried that dicks are delicious.
00:32:44.000 Oh yeah, of course.
00:32:45.000 That's it.
00:32:46.000 That's all it is.
00:32:47.000 It's people that are just fucking fighting off the game, man, and they're not winning.
00:32:50.000 They're fighting off the game, but they're just fucking not winning.
00:32:53.000 The fact that you would want to control anybody who's into anything sexually.
00:32:57.000 You know, like, dudes, I have friends that are into really big women.
00:33:02.000 I don't want to mention names, Sam Tripoli, but there's a guy, he fucking loves big women.
00:33:08.000 He jokes, but he loves a man.
00:33:09.000 Like a girl walked by, 210, 220, he's like, fuck yeah, mama.
00:33:15.000 But that's him, you know?
00:33:19.000 I don't have to do it.
00:33:21.000 Everybody's got their own thing.
00:33:22.000 Some men are into really big women, really tall women.
00:33:26.000 Some men are into little tiny ones.
00:33:28.000 Whatever the fuck you're into, man, I don't care.
00:33:30.000 Why would anybody care?
00:33:32.000 But back in the day, someone decided that gay dudes are against God's way.
00:33:39.000 How did that originally start?
00:33:43.000 It's Old Testament, right?
00:33:44.000 Yeah, it's Old Testament.
00:33:46.000 Does it exist in pre-Christianity?
00:33:48.000 Yeah, it does.
00:33:50.000 Homophobia does?
00:33:51.000 Yeah.
00:33:51.000 Where does it exist?
00:33:53.000 You do have it in a bunch of places.
00:33:55.000 Well, also the same places at different points in time maybe completely change their tune dramatically.
00:34:00.000 But you do have it in places and times other than Christian stuff.
00:34:05.000 Like in a lot of Chinese culture, not exactly friendly toward homosexuality.
00:34:10.000 But the Japanese, oddly enough, especially the Samurais, were very friendly with homosexuals.
00:34:14.000 Japanese are freaks.
00:34:14.000 That's a whole different game.
00:34:15.000 Every weird thing about sex is in play.
00:34:19.000 From octopuses doing schoolgirls to everything else in between.
00:34:23.000 The Japanese were bad motherfuckers.
00:34:25.000 Their culture was so innovative when it came to so many different things.
00:34:31.000 The discipline, the controlling of the mind, all the different innovations in martial arts.
00:34:39.000 So much of it came from Japan.
00:34:41.000 So much of it.
00:34:42.000 When you think about how small Japan is in relation to the rest of the world, it's really kind of shocking.
00:34:48.000 Japan is like the size of Texas, right?
00:34:49.000 Not even.
00:34:51.000 Not even the size of Texas.
00:34:52.000 Yeah, Texas is freaking huge.
00:34:53.000 Yeah, Texas.
00:34:54.000 I think Japan might be a fairly small area in comparison to one of our good-sized states.
00:35:01.000 And meanwhile, think about how much shit came from there.
00:35:04.000 Yeah.
00:35:04.000 It's amazing.
00:35:05.000 It's weird how that happens.
00:35:06.000 So one spot...
00:35:07.000 What kind of religion were they practicing when...
00:35:09.000 Shinto.
00:35:10.000 Shinto.
00:35:10.000 And what is that based on?
00:35:11.000 Shinto is like basically animism.
00:35:13.000 So worship of nature, spirits, and stuff like that.
00:35:16.000 They only even started calling it Shinto.
00:35:18.000 It literally means the way of the gods.
00:35:20.000 Only when Buddhism came around.
00:35:22.000 Just because it's like, I guess we have to call our shit something to differentiate it from Buddhism.
00:35:25.000 What year was this?
00:35:26.000 Buddhism came around, I want to say 1200s...
00:35:30.000 I want to say 1200 to Japan.
00:35:32.000 A.D. or B.C.? Oh no, A.D. A.D. And so 1200 A.D., that's not that long ago, man.
00:35:37.000 No.
00:35:37.000 That's crazy.
00:35:38.000 Maybe a little bit before, but that's Buddhism in Japan.
00:35:42.000 Buddhism in general was about 500 before, like 2500 years ago or so.
00:35:47.000 Where does Buddhism originally come from?
00:35:49.000 What country?
00:35:50.000 India.
00:35:50.000 India.
00:35:51.000 Yeah, you start out in India and then it diffuses through...
00:35:54.000 But the weird thing is that today there's no Buddhism in India.
00:35:57.000 Really?
00:35:57.000 Or like tiny, tiny.
00:35:59.000 Because what happens is, well, beside Muslim invasions in the north to destroy a bunch of temples and all that shit, but then the way Hinduism reacts to it is brilliant.
00:36:07.000 In the West, when Protestantism comes out of Catholicism, they kill each other for 200 years.
00:36:13.000 When Buddhism comes out, Hinduism starts checking out what they do, and then they steal a bunch of their ideas, they bring them back into their thing.
00:36:20.000 So if somebody's Hindu, they see the Buddhist thing, it's like, oh, we already do some of that shit, I don't need to switch religions.
00:36:26.000 So they just blatantly borrow from it, and so less and less people in India had any need to convert, because they could find room for that stuff within Hinduism.
00:36:35.000 Oh, that's sort of how Christianity absorbed a lot of pagans with changing their holidays.
00:36:42.000 Like the Christmas religion or the Christmas holiday and making that Jesus' birthday when Jesus is really supposed to be born in June or something, right?
00:36:51.000 It's like a pagan holiday.
00:36:52.000 But the difference is that in Christianity, they lie about it.
00:36:55.000 They try to pretend it doesn't happen.
00:36:57.000 In Hinduism, they're like, Yeah, that's cool.
00:36:59.000 That was a good idea and we borrowed it.
00:37:01.000 They're smart.
00:37:02.000 The Buddhists had a lot of fucking cool ideas.
00:37:04.000 What was it about Buddhism that was so...
00:37:08.000 There's no other religion that I know that is so intent on the cleansing of consciousness.
00:37:16.000 And the purity of thought, the idea of meditation and isolating your consciousness to clear out all these impractical ideas like material wealth and the need for sexual satisfaction.
00:37:32.000 All those different things managed through Buddhism.
00:37:36.000 That's very rare that...
00:37:40.000 An ideology takes on such a strong and disciplined stance about expanding consciousness.
00:37:48.000 How did that start?
00:37:49.000 Buddhism starts out as a mystical movement, right?
00:37:53.000 It's totally about mystical techniques designed to take you to a certain state of consciousness.
00:37:57.000 That's why the whole point of Buddhism is not to become a Buddhist.
00:38:00.000 It's to become a Buddha.
00:38:02.000 It's not like worship the guy who did it.
00:38:05.000 Good for you.
00:38:05.000 Well, who cares?
00:38:06.000 How does that affect you?
00:38:07.000 It's about Being able to do the same thing that the guy did.
00:38:11.000 And so meditation in that sense is one of those techniques designed to take you there.
00:38:15.000 To bring you to that state of consciousness and turn you into a Buddha essentially.
00:38:20.000 That's a fascinating thing because that's sort of the case with anything that you're trying to achieve.
00:38:26.000 Whether you're doing martial arts or you're doing art or anything.
00:38:31.000 You're trying to...
00:38:33.000 Find your own path through the example of others.
00:38:38.000 And that's one of the things that's really important about being around bad motherfuckers.
00:38:42.000 People don't understand.
00:38:43.000 They really underestimate the importance of being around bad motherfuckers.
00:38:47.000 You've got to know what other people are capable of, what they can do, in order to be truly, in my experience, to be truly inspired.
00:38:58.000 And when you find people that are, like, jealous around bad motherfuckers or try to hold people down, if you find, like...
00:39:05.000 If you have friends and those...
00:39:07.000 Like, okay, just to you, whoever you are, if you're a cockblocker, if you're one of those guys that tries to fuck your friends' girlfriends or you get jealous when your friend's successful and you talk shit about him behind his back and you stab him in the back...
00:39:24.000 You're just fucking yourself.
00:39:26.000 If you see some guy and he's doing better than you, you either have to accept one or two things.
00:39:32.000 You've got to go, that guy is crazy.
00:39:34.000 He works too hard.
00:39:35.000 Because there is that.
00:39:36.000 There is that.
00:39:37.000 There's a lot of jealousy that's misplaced.
00:39:39.000 Because really that person probably doesn't have as good a life as you if you know some good fishing spots.
00:39:43.000 But if you start feeling negative feelings towards them because they're successful, that's...
00:39:50.000 That's bad for you, man.
00:39:53.000 The negative feelings that you're feeling towards him, they will fucking affect you.
00:39:58.000 They will come after you.
00:39:59.000 They will chip away at your self-esteem.
00:40:02.000 Your mind will know that you're thinking about...
00:40:05.000 I've seen this before where a guy becomes real successful.
00:40:09.000 I think?
00:40:33.000 You're lashing out at yourself.
00:40:35.000 You gotta take your medicine.
00:40:37.000 That feeling that you get when you know that you haven't done the best you can do, that's to keep you from doing that again.
00:40:43.000 That terrible feeling of regret.
00:40:45.000 Don't lash out at other people.
00:40:47.000 Just take your fucking medicine and get your shit together.
00:40:52.000 Easier said than done.
00:40:53.000 Totally easier said than done because then you have to do something rather than whine like a bitch about what somebody else is doing.
00:40:58.000 Yeah.
00:40:59.000 Yeah, it's the management of your energy.
00:41:02.000 That is the most important aspect of living this life.
00:41:07.000 Managing your energy and managing to keep it somehow, keeping your thoughts, keeping your consciousness, your focus in a good direction, in a healthy direction.
00:41:15.000 How do you do it?
00:41:16.000 Because I mean, I was going over, in my mind, I was like, how many damn things does Joe do?
00:41:20.000 You know, from comedy to the podcast, UFC, you know, like there's some, you work out religiously, you do all this stuff.
00:41:27.000 They're like, Literally, how the hell do you do it with 24 hours in a day staying semi-sane?
00:41:32.000 Everything I do I like to do.
00:41:34.000 That's the big part of it.
00:41:36.000 I was looking forward to this podcast.
00:41:38.000 It was going to be a lot of fun.
00:41:38.000 I'm looking forward to going to jiu-jitsu.
00:41:40.000 I'm looking forward to working out.
00:41:42.000 I'm looking forward to writing tonight.
00:41:43.000 I'm going to get some writing.
00:41:44.000 I'm looking forward to getting in the tank later.
00:41:46.000 I don't do anything.
00:41:47.000 I love working for the UFC. I look forward to the big fights.
00:41:51.000 I look forward to the little fights that nobody even cares about.
00:41:53.000 I love what I do.
00:41:58.000 The thing that makes me the happiest in life is that I've found all these things that interest me.
00:42:05.000 I know we all have different personalities.
00:42:07.000 We had Tim Ferriss here yesterday and that motherfucker likes the salsa dance, okay?
00:42:10.000 I don't get it.
00:42:12.000 I don't get it, but I love Tim Ferriss.
00:42:14.000 So, I found things that stimulate me, for whatever reason, and those are the things that I pursue.
00:42:23.000 So, I'm constantly motivated and energized by my activities.
00:42:27.000 All the things that I do, like, I've had jobs before, and even a job like Fear Factor, which was a great job, still, I would be like, what the fuck am I doing here, man?
00:42:36.000 Right.
00:42:37.000 Collecting a check.
00:42:38.000 This is not what I would rather be doing.
00:42:41.000 If you could figure out a way to live your life where everything you're doing is what you want to do at that moment, that's a really difficult thing to manage.
00:42:53.000 I have to think that...
00:42:56.000 I know that I've worked very hard, but I think I'm very fortunate.
00:43:00.000 There's no question about it.
00:43:01.000 There's a lot of fortune involved in that.
00:43:04.000 There's no way it's all my work.
00:43:07.000 But it's both.
00:43:08.000 I mean, fortune can play a role, but it's not going to happen unless you do the work either.
00:43:12.000 It goes both ways.
00:43:14.000 Yeah.
00:43:16.000 I think everybody has their own take on what life is really all about, what it is for them.
00:43:24.000 You've got to find out what your thing is.
00:43:27.000 Whether it's studying ancient religions, or some people, they get their fucking thrills out of combing a mountainside with a brush looking for fossils.
00:43:37.000 That thrills them to no end.
00:43:40.000 Everybody's got their own fucking vibe, and If you want to be a happy person, you've got to find your vibe.
00:43:46.000 That, to me, has always been the biggest problem that I have with any sort of totalitarian or any sort of really strict ideology.
00:43:55.000 You cannot apply the same rules and the same behavior patterns to everybody.
00:44:02.000 Because when you do that, you lose the beauty of the freak.
00:44:08.000 We're talking about Joey Diaz today, me and my friend Aubrey.
00:44:12.000 We're having a conversation about Joey, about how awesome he is.
00:44:14.000 He's just such a rare person.
00:44:16.000 He's just such a rare freak.
00:44:20.000 He's just a crazy dude.
00:44:21.000 I can't get him into other countries because he fucking, back in the day, kidnapped a dude.
00:44:26.000 Machine gun, stole coke from him.
00:44:29.000 He's crazy!
00:44:30.000 He can't go to Seattle.
00:44:32.000 He's got warrants.
00:44:33.000 I mean, he's a maniac, but he's a beautiful craziness.
00:44:39.000 Like, all his nutty life experiences, both positive and negative, have...
00:44:43.000 You made this incredible person that you really...
00:44:47.000 He's a joy to be around.
00:44:48.000 And he's a beautiful human being.
00:44:50.000 He's always hugging people and everywhere he goes, he's like your number one fan.
00:44:55.000 He's happy to see you.
00:44:57.000 He's the type of guy that'll go to the same places in his neighborhood all the time.
00:45:00.000 As soon as he walks in, they all know him.
00:45:02.000 They're like, Joey, what's going on, Joey?
00:45:03.000 What are you doing, cocksucker?
00:45:04.000 What are you doing?
00:45:05.000 And they're just like this burst of happiness because this guy's around.
00:45:08.000 Well, you know, if you follow the tenets of most religions, that guy's, you know, he's a fucking sinner by the highest stretch of the imagination.
00:45:15.000 Right.
00:45:15.000 The furthest explanation of the term, you know, like to a T. He's a fucking sinner across the board.
00:45:21.000 Everything he's doing is wrong except being nice to people.
00:45:24.000 Smoking weed and whacking off.
00:45:27.000 It's fucking crazy!
00:45:28.000 Living with 11 cats!
00:45:31.000 You can't control people and get those variables, you know?
00:45:35.000 No, I mean, the stuff you find within the rules is the ordinary.
00:45:39.000 If you want the extraordinary, it's gonna be outside of the rules.
00:45:41.000 That's just the name of the game.
00:45:43.000 But of course, any institution is threatened by that, and so they'll try to squash it and not make it happen.
00:45:49.000 Like in school.
00:45:50.000 Of course.
00:45:50.000 Like when you're in school, they don't want any acting out.
00:45:54.000 They don't want anybody who's not.
00:45:56.000 That's the weirdest thing about school is that just by virtue of the fact that you have to sit there and do the work when they say you have to sit there and do the work.
00:46:02.000 Just by virtue of that, they control your consciousness and you relinquish your consciousness to them.
00:46:10.000 And that sets you up for a lifetime of work where you're doing what you don't want to do when they want you to do it.
00:46:17.000 Yeah, because I mean, realistically, school is not about educating and also a human being.
00:46:21.000 It's designed to make you function in an average way in this society.
00:46:26.000 While educating you.
00:46:27.000 But that's the primary aspect.
00:46:29.000 I mean, it certainly educates you more than not going to school.
00:46:32.000 Sure.
00:46:32.000 No, yeah, okay.
00:46:33.000 Because that's the other thing.
00:46:34.000 It's like when you hear the anti-intellectualism as the crazy fundamentalist, it's like, no, please give me back the schools any day now.
00:46:40.000 But then when you are in it, then you get to talk shit about it.
00:46:43.000 And so you can see all the limits and all the problems and all that.
00:46:46.000 It could be so much better than it is.
00:46:49.000 And it's frustrating when you see its limits.
00:46:52.000 Well, you are a professor of religion.
00:46:55.000 Yeah, history in general.
00:46:56.000 History in general.
00:46:57.000 And you wrote something recently that I read where it seemed like you just had a really frustrating moment or you had to release yourself with your writing about academia.
00:47:10.000 What did you say?
00:47:11.000 There's nothing like having an open letter to an academic college and quoting Tupac.
00:47:17.000 Fuck you and your motherfucking mama.
00:47:21.000 Is that what you did?
00:47:22.000 That's the end of the long letter.
00:47:25.000 It sounds so beautiful with your accent, though.
00:47:28.000 There's a lot of people that go, hey man, who's that guy who sounds like GSP? They think you sound like GSP, which is ridiculous.
00:47:33.000 I don't think, I don't see it.
00:47:34.000 He's French.
00:47:35.000 He's not the same thing.
00:47:36.000 Well, that's Americans for you, man.
00:47:38.000 Anything that's not like us, I don't even know, some fucking French or some shit.
00:47:43.000 Guy could be speaking in Arabic.
00:47:44.000 Yeah, he's fucking Frenching it up over there.
00:47:46.000 I think I told you that before.
00:47:48.000 One time a guy asked me, oh, where are you from?
00:47:50.000 He's like, oh, you're from Italy?
00:47:51.000 You're from Italy?
00:47:52.000 No way.
00:47:53.000 I was just in Paris last week.
00:47:56.000 Oh, wow.
00:47:57.000 I live on earth.
00:47:59.000 So when you wrote this and you quoted Tupac in this open letter to Academia, just tell us what the letter said.
00:48:09.000 I was pissed.
00:48:10.000 I was just frustrated, which is, um, most of the time I'm not because I'm hanging out with students and students are awesome.
00:48:16.000 I, you know, 99% of my students have a great time hanging out.
00:48:19.000 They are fun, makes good for conversation.
00:48:21.000 That's the part of school I like.
00:48:22.000 Right.
00:48:23.000 I'm frustrated by all the rest, the administration and, uh, bullshit that's around.
00:48:31.000 I mean, I noticed the, my teaching students are always ecstatic.
00:48:35.000 Oh man, you're doing such a good job.
00:48:36.000 Sometimes I'm like, really?
00:48:37.000 Because I was having a really shitty day and I feel like I gave you crap.
00:48:40.000 That's good?
00:48:41.000 Like, yeah, yeah, this is awesome.
00:48:42.000 I'm like, no.
00:48:44.000 But then I look in the next class and I look at what regular teaching looks like and it makes you want to shoot yourself because it's dry as hell.
00:48:50.000 There's no attempt to connect it to real life.
00:48:54.000 Academia is like its own little dead box for the most part.
00:48:57.000 And the only reason why people read academic stuff is because somebody's forcing them to Because nobody's gonna go out and buy that book and spend it on Saturday night.
00:49:05.000 You know, the problem with academia is that it's populated 90% by people who spend their Saturday night shining their PhDs and devising new ways to squeeze all joy out of learning.
00:49:16.000 Because that's what they do.
00:49:18.000 But they don't really want to squeeze all the joy out of learning.
00:49:22.000 They just are not motivated to make learning more exciting?
00:49:24.000 I think it's who they are.
00:49:26.000 They are joyless motherfuckers, and so they transmit that to their students, and they don't know how to think in any other way.
00:49:32.000 And part of it is the institution, part of it is the repetition, part of it, whatever that may be, but there's...
00:49:37.000 Is part of it just the idea of just going to school for a long time yourself and that you sort of get used to this fact, this cold hard fact that you have to do things you don't want to do?
00:49:48.000 Probably that, I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.
00:49:51.000 You come to accept the norms of, like in any field, when they school you into the field and they try to mold you in what the expert look like, they are basically trying to squash your individuality, exactly the things you were saying about Joey, you know, the stuff that makes you you that's wild and weird and That all gets to be squashed in the name of becoming a professional.
00:50:09.000 And so academia does that as well.
00:50:10.000 You know, grad school is a mind-ambient torture for the most part.
00:50:14.000 The world is going to be all newscasters.
00:50:17.000 It's going to be people with no real opinions, that will never say anything, that will offend anybody.
00:50:22.000 They're just fucking bullshitting their way through life until their ticker stops.
00:50:27.000 But to give an idea of how low the bar is about this stuff, because that's exactly, the scenario you're describing is exactly what happens.
00:50:33.000 To give an idea of how low the bar is, the first day of classes, any semester I teach, first day, I'll go in, I'll put on red hot chili peppers, and I'll give out the syllables, shaking hands with people.
00:50:47.000 Not a big deal, right?
00:50:48.000 All you did is press play for some music and shook hands with another human being for two seconds each.
00:50:55.000 How many people are in your class?
00:50:56.000 Maybe 50 or something.
00:50:58.000 So, you know, five minutes of a song, you get to shook hands with everybody, then you start.
00:51:02.000 Before I even start, I'm like 10 steps ahead because people are like, No professor ever shook my hand.
00:51:08.000 And I'm like, are you kidding me?
00:51:09.000 You know, that's the big deal that one person play music and shake hands before you even get started.
00:51:14.000 That sets you apart.
00:51:15.000 Wow.
00:51:15.000 That's sad.
00:51:16.000 You know, that's just...
00:51:18.000 But I've seen it.
00:51:19.000 I mean, I've co-taught with some people who first day of classes, they walk into a class.
00:51:24.000 And I'm like, hello students, my name is Dr. And right there for me the semester is over.
00:51:29.000 Because it's like, your name is not Dr. anything, you dick.
00:51:31.000 Your name is Joe whatever.
00:51:33.000 It's like you already put on the title and put on this big pretence to create a separation with students.
00:51:38.000 I need that in my life.
00:51:39.000 I need to be a doctor.
00:51:40.000 Can I get an honorary doctorate somewhere?
00:51:42.000 I'm sure you can.
00:51:43.000 Dr. Rogan.
00:51:44.000 If there's anybody out there.
00:51:45.000 Yeah, it is.
00:51:46.000 Any distinction.
00:51:47.000 Mr. Sir.
00:51:49.000 When I used to teach Taekwondo, everybody was Mr. It was Mr. O'Malley, Mr. Smith, Mr. Kim.
00:51:57.000 It's very formal.
00:51:58.000 Whenever they address you, yes sir, no sir, it's always sir.
00:52:02.000 That immediately puts that air of them being above you.
00:52:07.000 It's very cultish, a lot of martial arts behavior.
00:52:11.000 And it's managed in a good way, so it's beneficial and it's good for your character.
00:52:16.000 But the same aspects of it easily can be manipulated.
00:52:19.000 And we all know martial arts...
00:52:23.000 Of course.
00:52:25.000 Of course.
00:52:45.000 Or professors.
00:52:46.000 There's always professors that are banging their students and scandals will arise where they give preferential treatment to girls who give head.
00:52:55.000 It's a story as old as time, right?
00:52:59.000 I'm going to keep my mouth shut about that.
00:53:01.000 Come on, son.
00:53:02.000 Come on, son.
00:53:03.000 You're a beautiful guy.
00:53:05.000 You've got a great accent.
00:53:06.000 You know how to kick a little ass?
00:53:08.000 I bet they throw it at you, son.
00:53:10.000 There was one time this was the most weird.
00:53:12.000 I laughed for like an hour after that.
00:53:14.000 There was at the end of the semester.
00:53:16.000 I mean, I'm an easy grader as it is.
00:53:18.000 I give A's left and right.
00:53:19.000 And there was this girl who really did horrible.
00:53:22.000 And there was nothing I could do to push her up.
00:53:24.000 It's like, you're really fucked up.
00:53:26.000 I mean, you're getting...
00:53:27.000 I forget, a C with me, which is basically you didn't do shit.
00:53:30.000 It's like, really?
00:53:31.000 And I kid you not, she's like, what do I need to do for a higher grade?
00:53:35.000 And I'm like, oh, you know, I think it's...
00:53:37.000 I'm like still trying to check where she's going.
00:53:39.000 And then at one point she looks at me and she's like, oh, come on, you know you want it.
00:53:44.000 Oh, shit!
00:53:47.000 Dude, my dick would have exploded in my pants like a firecracker.
00:53:52.000 I would have probably bled out from my dick.
00:53:57.000 You should have called her bluff and just shoved your finger right up in her pussy and see if it was...
00:54:01.000 Yeah, what do you think...
00:54:04.000 First of all, what'd she look like?
00:54:05.000 No, unfortunately she wasn't hot.
00:54:07.000 God damn it!
00:54:08.000 Shit!
00:54:09.000 So why was she so confident?
00:54:10.000 Rewind, rewind.
00:54:11.000 No, she was super hot.
00:54:12.000 I don't want to ruin your fantasy.
00:54:13.000 Oh, you ruined it already, man.
00:54:15.000 Sorry, sorry.
00:54:16.000 My memory's not that bad.
00:54:17.000 She was in a wheelchair.
00:54:19.000 Damn it!
00:54:20.000 Dude, how much did she weigh, at least?
00:54:22.000 Did she have a nice body?
00:54:22.000 Yeah, she wasn't big.
00:54:24.000 She wasn't big.
00:54:24.000 She wasn't big.
00:54:27.000 Regular size.
00:54:28.000 Size-wise, she was okay.
00:54:29.000 So that was the only one in your entire academic career?
00:54:32.000 No, no.
00:54:32.000 I mean, but that was the most...
00:54:33.000 Don't be silly, Joe.
00:54:36.000 That was the most blatant...
00:54:38.000 Excuse me.
00:54:39.000 That was blatant and funny.
00:54:41.000 You know what I mean?
00:54:42.000 Right, right, right.
00:54:42.000 Because most people are cool about it.
00:54:43.000 They are flirting with you, but it's...
00:54:47.000 It wasn't even about flirting.
00:54:49.000 It was, I want a higher grade.
00:54:50.000 That's it.
00:54:51.000 She didn't give a crap on any level.
00:54:54.000 That's hilarious, man.
00:54:56.000 Are you cognizant of that when you talk to girls?
00:55:00.000 Do you have this unfair advantage over them as a professor?
00:55:03.000 Yeah, I mean, bottom line is you don't want to be a dick.
00:55:05.000 Right, right, right.
00:55:06.000 You don't want to be a dick with anybody.
00:55:07.000 So I break the rules all the time.
00:55:10.000 But kind of like what you're saying about, Joey, is like nobody's ever going to get hurt by me.
00:55:13.000 Right, right, right.
00:55:14.000 So the fact that I break rules to me doesn't mean shit because they must be stupid rules.
00:55:17.000 If nobody gets hurt, if I break them, then why are there rules to begin with?
00:55:21.000 Because we need bureaucracy to keep people employed.
00:55:23.000 Exactly.
00:55:24.000 So all that crap about, oh, you're not supposed to hug your students because that would be sexual harassment or some shit, I totally ignore it, but at the same time, yeah, you want to be careful with people.
00:55:32.000 You're not hurting anybody, just hugging people.
00:55:33.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:55:34.000 How many teachers wind up banging girls in class?
00:55:37.000 Well, because obviously...
00:55:38.000 Is it illegal?
00:55:39.000 Well, it's highly...
00:55:40.000 They lose their job immediately.
00:55:41.000 Do they really?
00:55:42.000 Yeah, of course.
00:55:42.000 What if she's like 23?
00:55:44.000 Yeah.
00:55:45.000 Tough shit.
00:55:46.000 Tough shit.
00:55:46.000 You can't bang your students.
00:55:47.000 No, I mean, it's obviously legal if you're talking high school or something when you're talking underage.
00:55:51.000 No, no, no.
00:55:52.000 I'm talking college students.
00:55:54.000 I'm talking people in their 20s.
00:55:55.000 It's legal, so nobody's going to put you in jail or something, but you're going to get fired by your university.
00:56:00.000 Really?
00:56:01.000 Because it's against their policies.
00:56:01.000 What if she has big tits?
00:56:03.000 What if she's hot as fuck?
00:56:04.000 No, for real.
00:56:05.000 What if she's like Pamela Anderson looking and you're like, look, I'm single.
00:56:08.000 She's single.
00:56:09.000 I taught her some English.
00:56:10.000 She sucked my cock.
00:56:11.000 We had a good time.
00:56:12.000 Come on!
00:56:12.000 You should be my lawyer.
00:56:14.000 Well, it seems like, you know, just because you're teaching somebody, I mean, what if you give her a B? Give her a fucking B. Come on.
00:56:19.000 Not even being unreasonable.
00:56:20.000 So their standard is you can't date while class is in session.
00:56:25.000 Oh, okay.
00:56:25.000 Or, you know, the 16 weeks or whatever.
00:56:28.000 Exactly.
00:56:30.000 Why would you date her after class is over?
00:56:32.000 When class is over, we're going to meet the next group of kids.
00:56:34.000 Hopefully there's another hot 23-year-old.
00:56:36.000 And keep this party rolling.
00:56:38.000 They're a bunch of cock blockers.
00:56:39.000 That's what it is.
00:56:41.000 No, you can't.
00:56:41.000 You really can't.
00:56:42.000 You can't bang your students, right?
00:56:43.000 No.
00:56:43.000 What about dudes?
00:56:44.000 Are they allowed to bang dudes?
00:56:45.000 Like, what if you're gay and you've got some gay kids?
00:56:48.000 Or some really gullible straight dudes that are willing to...
00:56:51.000 Is that the same thing?
00:56:56.000 No sex with boys, too?
00:56:57.000 Or fellas?
00:56:59.000 Unfortunate.
00:57:00.000 Silly.
00:57:01.000 That's fucking goddammit.
00:57:02.000 Wouldn't it be great if we just had teachers that wouldn't do anything creepy?
00:57:06.000 Wouldn't that be way simpler?
00:57:08.000 Right.
00:57:09.000 We'd need...
00:57:11.000 It's not going to happen.
00:57:12.000 Is it possible to ever get to a position where you have an enlightened group of people that are teaching students in this open and friendly way where we actually have a group of people that come out of these classes and can contribute to society?
00:57:29.000 Is that possible?
00:57:29.000 You're in the inside.
00:57:31.000 Right.
00:57:33.000 I don't know, man, because the point is good teaching means it's who you are.
00:57:37.000 It's not a skill that you pick up because you read enough books or some shit.
00:57:40.000 It's part of an extension of who you are and you do it in a certain way.
00:57:44.000 So you can design the perfect university, the perfect college, the perfect teaching environment.
00:57:49.000 The reality is it all boils down to who's in there, who are the people there, because that's what makes all the difference.
00:57:55.000 No matter how you design it, if you have the perfect setup with the wrong people, it's not going to work.
00:58:00.000 That's the case with everything, right?
00:58:01.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:58:02.000 It's always amazing to me when you show up at a place and it's like one place and they specialize in cheese.
00:58:09.000 And you go there and everyone's a cheese expert and they're all super knowledgeable and they're really nice and friendly and it's like a small family business and all the pieces are in place.
00:58:20.000 How is this even possible?
00:58:22.000 How can you get this perfect environment, even if it's just a small cheese store?
00:58:26.000 And is it possible to get that on a grand scale, like a university?
00:58:30.000 But that's why even the single small case usually works during that first generation with the energy of the people who put it in there, who made the place amazing.
00:58:39.000 Rarely you're gonna go three generations down the road and the same thing is gonna be going on.
00:58:43.000 Yeah, that seems to be because they didn't have to work for it, right?
00:58:47.000 It's sort of like us.
00:58:49.000 Partial is that, and partial is also who they are.
00:58:51.000 They're not as creative, or they're not as funny, or they're not as smart, or they're not as whatever.
00:58:56.000 And somebody else down the road is not going to be, because you're not going to have generations after generations of perfect people.
00:59:01.000 And it's individual in that sense.
00:59:04.000 Yeah, when I look at people and when I look at the greater historical picture that we have of the human race, and you see all these peaks and valleys and peaks and valleys of civilization and decline.
00:59:20.000 It seems to me like it's really hard for people to figure something out and then pass it on to other people with the same impact as them figuring it out themselves.
00:59:30.000 So you have all these accomplishments of the people that came before you, like running water and electricity, but yet they're being enjoyed by people who don't even understand them a little bit.
00:59:41.000 Wow.
00:59:43.000 Really can't appreciate the position of excellence and amazement that you really should be in in this 2012 era.
00:59:53.000 Can you imagine if we were in a post-apocalyptic scenario, if somebody is born after that and you have to explain what society now was like?
01:00:02.000 Yeah, you know, we could talk into this microphone and there were like half a million people listening across.
01:00:06.000 It's like, ow.
01:00:08.000 What?
01:00:08.000 Exactly.
01:00:09.000 No way.
01:00:10.000 It's because internet.
01:00:11.000 I don't know.
01:00:12.000 Some shit.
01:00:12.000 What people don't understand is how easy that could happen.
01:00:15.000 We could go right back to the way things were just a few hundred years ago.
01:00:20.000 That's a small, small skip.
01:00:23.000 But it's easy.
01:00:24.000 It's really easy.
01:00:26.000 What we have is so fragile.
01:00:28.000 I think they see something like Katrina...
01:00:30.000 And they sort of get a sense of it.
01:00:32.000 They see Sandy, Hurricane Sandy, and the Weeks Without Power, I think, opened up a lot of people's eyes.
01:00:38.000 This motherfucker's way more fragile than you think.
01:00:42.000 We have a very, very fragile, sort of thin veil of civilization that we live under the illusion of.
01:00:52.000 I mean, even if you look at something as simple as oil, which we base our old civilization that runs on oil right now, oil, I mean, we know that it's not going to last that long.
01:01:00.000 We don't know exactly how long.
01:01:01.000 It could be a century, which case, you know, it doesn't affect us.
01:01:04.000 It could be, who the hell knows.
01:01:06.000 But the bottom line is, it's running out.
01:01:07.000 But it will affect your grandchildren.
01:01:09.000 Yeah, big time.
01:01:10.000 After it's gone.
01:01:11.000 But at the same time, we haven't even gotten a good substitute.
01:01:14.000 And so it's like, we're running on this, on a society where right now it's, It's on a dead train, you know.
01:01:20.000 It's heading somewhere where there's no...
01:01:22.000 Unless somebody figures something out.
01:01:25.000 Yeah, well, I think that, yeah, we actually had this discussion yesterday, the idea of the race.
01:01:30.000 There's a race, like, society is running out of resources, and we're, you know, living in this crazy sort of, still this barbaric conqueror sort of a way.
01:01:40.000 Stealing resources from other nations.
01:01:42.000 But at the same time, technology and the connectedness of human beings is reaching like epic levels that it's never reached before.
01:01:48.000 And it's one of the reasons why it's making it so much more difficult to govern.
01:01:52.000 Because it's really hard to bullshit people.
01:01:55.000 Oh man, I got a story for you.
01:01:56.000 This is gonna...
01:01:57.000 It blew my mind the other day when I got these emails.
01:01:59.000 I was speaking of this ability to connect with people on a greater scale and all of that that you're mentioning.
01:02:06.000 I got an email maybe four or five days ago when the very beginning of the Israeli-Palestinian thing that just started.
01:02:13.000 I get this email from this guy in Israel who tells me he just ran into a bomb shelter and he's just hanging out there for the time being.
01:02:21.000 And he has to say, you know, I have enough food, I have enough water, but what I'm doing to kill time in the meantime is Joe Rogan Experience, Duncan Trussell podcast, and my podcast.
01:02:33.000 And I was like, fuck.
01:02:34.000 I really are in a bunker in Israel with missiles flying, and they are telling me that.
01:02:38.000 That already blows my mind.
01:02:39.000 Now, a day later, or two days or something, I got an email from some guy, Palestinian guy, who lives in France, who tells me all about, oh, I like this thing you did, da-da-da, and then he started getting about, You know, I'm really freaked out about my family in Gaza.
01:02:54.000 I'm super scared.
01:02:55.000 And, you know, you might want to know that what I'm doing right now to be able to chill out a second and not freak out about these things is I'm listening to you, I'm listening to Rogue, and I'm listening to Trusted.
01:03:05.000 I'm like, you've got to be fucking kidding me, right?
01:03:07.000 You know, one Israeli guy, one Palestinian guy basically telling me the exact same thing.
01:03:11.000 Whoa.
01:03:12.000 I was like, I didn't even know what to say.
01:03:15.000 You know, he was...
01:03:17.000 Holy shit.
01:03:19.000 Yeah, that's exactly...
01:03:21.000 Yeah, with youthful societies in this day and age, like the youth of societies in this day and age, they have a perspective that really was never achievable before.
01:03:33.000 And they have an access to things like podcasts and the internet and websites.
01:03:40.000 There's not as much difference between people as there used to be.
01:03:44.000 There's just not...
01:03:45.000 I mean, in that way.
01:03:47.000 Yeah.
01:03:50.000 It's hard to sell people on the idea of an enemy that you don't even know, that you never met.
01:03:56.000 That's the beauty of globalization in a cultural level and rather in an economic level is the fact that, yeah, nationalism is going to go down.
01:04:03.000 All these bullshit stereotypes about the people from across any border will become easier to know real shit rather than made-up facts that nobody got to test anyway because you never got to see them.
01:04:13.000 Yeah, it's funny how everyone's scared of the idea of the new world order.
01:04:18.000 You know, everybody's scared of the idea of one global government.
01:04:23.000 Like, I remember there's this big thing, McCaffrey on CNN was talking about the Amero, that we're going to merge with Mexico and Canada, and that's why they're crashing the economy in order for us to come up with an Amero,
01:04:38.000 and then we have one currency for the entire region.
01:04:41.000 I'm like, how is that fucking you any less than you're getting fucked up?
01:04:45.000 Are you going to really trip out about that?
01:04:48.000 Right.
01:05:08.000 What would be different?
01:05:09.000 It seems like Guantanamo Bay would be the same.
01:05:11.000 Would Guantanamo Bay be the same if it was one world government?
01:05:15.000 If we really want to call ourselves the shining hope for civilization, how do we have something like Guantanamo Bay?
01:05:23.000 How do we take these dudes and put blindfolds on them and fucking dog collar them behind their hands?
01:05:31.000 You know, one of the things that cracks me up about, well, maybe cracks me up is the wrong word after mentioning Guantanamo, but in any case, one of the things that's Weird to me is, I'll take an example of the United States government.
01:05:43.000 People are either flag-waving, we are the greatest country on earth kind of shit, or usually when they start finding out that no, it's not all beautiful and you start finding out, oh, we just happened to kill a few hundred thousand Indians and enslave a bunch of people and, you know,
01:05:59.000 set up a military coup in Chile and did all this shit in Guatemala.
01:06:02.000 You know, all of the ugly stuff of American history.
01:06:05.000 People flip and they're like, The only evil in the world is the U.S. government and everybody else who's against it must be nice.
01:06:11.000 So if some crazy fundamentalist is nice...
01:06:13.000 No, they're just misunderstood, really.
01:06:15.000 It's like, fuck, man.
01:06:16.000 It's not all black and white.
01:06:18.000 It's not that there's all that good guys, bad guys stories.
01:06:20.000 It gets more complicated than that.
01:06:22.000 Well, that's why people are terrified of someone like that American Taliban guy that decides the United States is evil and is going to join the Taliban.
01:06:29.000 Yeah.
01:06:31.000 It's like people, they have a very simplistic view of the world that's shaped by fiction.
01:06:36.000 And fiction has ruined many a mind to the complexities of the actual real reality that we live in.
01:06:43.000 Because most fiction is being distributed in a way that I don't think the human brain is designed to process.
01:06:50.000 Like...
01:06:51.000 The idea of movies.
01:06:53.000 The human body does not know what the fuck to do with movies.
01:06:57.000 And that's one of the reasons why they're so amazing to us.
01:07:00.000 When you go see something like Avatar, and then you leave the theater and you have Avatar depression, that shit's real.
01:07:06.000 People have Avatar depression because they wish that life could be like it is in Navia, wherever the fuck it is.
01:07:14.000 Where is it?
01:07:15.000 Navia?
01:07:16.000 Yeah.
01:07:16.000 Guess what?
01:07:17.000 It's not even real in Navia.
01:07:18.000 Okay, you fucked?
01:07:19.000 Navia's not real, goddammit.
01:07:21.000 But we imitate our atmospheres.
01:07:24.000 We're set up to do that.
01:07:25.000 You know, if I live in a tribe and Daniele Bolelli's there, I want to listen to Daniele Bolelli because this guy's got the information.
01:07:32.000 He's the head of the tribe.
01:07:33.000 Let's follow him.
01:07:34.000 And we can learn from him, and it allows us to learn things without having to fucking risk getting eaten by boars ourselves.
01:07:41.000 Like, we understand.
01:07:42.000 We get the knowledge of that from you.
01:07:44.000 And then we see things, and we see things.
01:07:46.000 Like, something happens to somebody, and it's a shocking thing, and you learn from it.
01:07:49.000 You see drama and all these different various things that we're set up.
01:07:53.000 We have, like, all these...
01:07:56.000 Reward systems in our mind, in our body, in our human system that are set up to sort of interpret all these different things that are happening in the world and place them in a way that allows you to stay alive the longest, to breathe the most effectively.
01:08:09.000 But when you sit someone down in front of a movie screen, All those triggers and all those reward systems and all those different things that you have that have passed human beings from generation to generation until they've gotten to this point.
01:08:26.000 All those things that are set up to reward you for certain things in the material world are being manipulated by giant HD screens and THX sound and fucking perfectly written scripts and special effects and CGI. And then,
01:08:44.000 you know, you really think that there's fucking good guys and bad guys out there.
01:08:47.000 Of course.
01:08:47.000 You start, you know, thinking, this is America, okay?
01:08:50.000 And these colors don't run.
01:08:52.000 You start getting crazy.
01:08:54.000 That's why I like modern, like the last decade or two of television, because it's changing the rules of the game.
01:08:59.000 You know, you go from your traditional good guys, bad guys story, to now you have, you know, shows like Dexter, where the hero is the serial killer, or the Sopranos, or even something like Game of Thrones.
01:09:10.000 Yeah.
01:09:10.000 You got this...
01:09:13.000 The good guys are awesome and they do horrendous things occasionally.
01:09:16.000 The bad guys, you hate their guts, except that they do something really cool all of a sudden that throws you off.
01:09:22.000 That's more like life.
01:09:23.000 Much more like life.
01:09:24.000 I started watching Homeland last night.
01:09:26.000 How is it?
01:09:27.000 Pretty fucking good.
01:09:28.000 I had heard from a lot of people that it's really good.
01:09:31.000 They said, dude, that's like a movie every week.
01:09:33.000 It's like a really good movie every week.
01:09:34.000 And I heard from so many different people.
01:09:36.000 I was like, okay, I've got to give this a shot.
01:09:37.000 So I watched the pilot last night.
01:09:39.000 It's fucking good.
01:09:40.000 That dude, I don't know.
01:09:42.000 I should Google it because I don't know Homeboy's name.
01:09:45.000 Whoever the guy is, it's the lead.
01:09:47.000 That guy was in that Stephen King movie, Dreamcatcher.
01:09:52.000 Really good movie for about three quarters of the movie, and then it fucking falls apart all over itself.
01:09:57.000 Shits all over itself.
01:09:58.000 But the guy who's the lead guy is this same dude.
01:10:03.000 What is his name?
01:10:05.000 Damien Lewis.
01:10:06.000 He's one of those guys, you've seen him in a million fucking movies, a million TV shows, but you don't know who the hell he is.
01:10:13.000 He's been in everything, but that guy can act his fucking ass off.
01:10:17.000 And it's that other chick, what is her name, Claire Danes, who plays crazy very well.
01:10:25.000 It's pretty fucking good, dude.
01:10:26.000 It's a good show.
01:10:27.000 I just started it last night.
01:10:28.000 I've been addicted to The Walking Dead lately.
01:10:32.000 Yeah, Duncan can't stop talking about that shit.
01:10:34.000 Not enough days in the world, man.
01:10:36.000 I know.
01:10:36.000 Not enough time to be sitting around watching all this amazing shit that people are producing.
01:10:40.000 Speaking of TV, but all of this is a pale, you know, it's...
01:10:44.000 It's tiny steps preparing you for the real shit.
01:10:47.000 The day when, in 2030 or whatever, Joe and I will sit down to read the real Conan, the way it's supposed to be done for television.
01:10:55.000 That would be a good day.
01:10:57.000 Yeah, I think we're doing it now, man.
01:10:59.000 Just doing this and doing...
01:11:00.000 I mean, this is...
01:11:02.000 This forum, the complete open free forum, like a real complete open free forum.
01:11:09.000 This is what has been missing.
01:11:12.000 In our society for a long fucking time.
01:11:15.000 You could not get any mass distributed product, whether it was a television show or a radio show.
01:11:23.000 You really couldn't get anything that had as few rules as what podcasts have.
01:11:29.000 And have the ease of distribution the way they have.
01:11:32.000 I mean, like we were talking about a guy in Palestine and a guy in Israel, and he's listening to these podcasts in a bunker.
01:11:38.000 It's fucking crazy.
01:11:39.000 That didn't exist before.
01:11:40.000 There was no way for those guys to be exposed to all these different ideas.
01:11:45.000 And expose us to all these different ideas, too.
01:11:47.000 One of the cooler things about what's going on with this experience of podcasting and social media, for me personally...
01:11:56.000 It's very much a two-way street.
01:11:58.000 I get a lot of feedback and a lot of information and a lot of fuel from the people in social media, just from articles to read or interesting points that someone might have, whether they disagreed with me or whether they had an alternative point of view that you might also want to consider this.
01:12:19.000 A lot of fucking like-minded, cool, interesting people are out there.
01:12:24.000 No, in fact, man, I actually, without kissing your ass, but I have to thank you to no end because ever since being on your podcast the first time and then jumping on Duncan's podcast and so on, it really opened up my world exactly to what you're saying, realizing that there are a bunch of people around the world who may be,
01:12:41.000 you know, the weird freak of the little place where they live where it doesn't mix with everyone else.
01:12:46.000 But thanks to internet, you can click and connect with a greater, bigger world that It's awesome what you put in touch with.
01:12:53.000 In many ways, without sounding too flamboyant, it really makes me feel better about humanity, finding out that that stuff is out there.
01:13:02.000 I don't know, man.
01:13:03.000 I think it really blew my mind after being on your show the first time and then being invited again.
01:13:09.000 We're beginning to realize that there are other ways of communicating beside the ones I'm familiar with and the effect that it has on people.
01:13:16.000 Real effect, you know, real shit that people...
01:13:17.000 Those are the best emails, right?
01:13:19.000 When people write you stuff that happened to them, how they dealt with or how something random that you said in five minutes on a podcast affected somebody in Australia and that was a huge thing for their life.
01:13:30.000 And you're like...
01:13:30.000 It's like the most humbling thing in the world, you know?
01:13:33.000 Yeah.
01:13:33.000 Really?
01:13:34.000 It's beautiful.
01:13:35.000 What we said there had that impact on your life?
01:13:38.000 It just makes you thankful.
01:13:40.000 100%.
01:13:41.000 Yeah, I'm incredibly thankful.
01:13:43.000 I'm thankful to you.
01:13:45.000 If it wasn't for people like you that I have these interesting conversations with, I wouldn't be able to do this either.
01:13:50.000 If it was just me by myself, I repeat the same stories with guests.
01:13:54.000 Imagine me by myself.
01:13:55.000 This podcast would suck.
01:13:56.000 I need people to talk to.
01:13:58.000 And that's part of the beauty of having a podcast is that it If you look at human consciousness as sort of a, like, almost like, you know those, the computer programs, brains, you know, where, you know, you just have a thought and then all these branches off a thought.
01:14:13.000 A lot of comedians use them to organize data, to organize jokes and segues and stuff like that.
01:14:18.000 If you look at the human consciousness as one big sort of brain...
01:14:25.000 What we've essentially done by having hundreds and hundreds of hours of this sort of open-minded, sometimes silly, but honest and friendly discussion is that you start this other branch and then boom,
01:14:43.000 these things blossom off of this branch.
01:14:46.000 Whether it's the Duncan Trussell podcast or the Joey Diaz podcast or Tom Segura's podcast, With his wife, Christina, whatever it is, your podcast, these branches break off and form their own branches and then it sort of attracts this group of people who get all this positive...
01:15:05.000 Energy from these discussions and all this positive feedback, this resonance that you get from all these people that are really feeling excitement and joy and enjoyment from these discussions and it really does improve their life.
01:15:23.000 It's almost like a sect of consciousness.
01:15:28.000 We all know what we accept.
01:15:30.000 We all know that this is good for everybody.
01:15:33.000 We all know that there's a way to live life where you can be as friendly as possible whenever you can.
01:15:38.000 It doesn't mean not calling people on their bullshit either, because by the way, they need that.
01:15:42.000 And if someone calls you on your bullshit, you should go, take your fucking medicine and go, you know what, you're right.
01:15:47.000 I was a douche there.
01:15:48.000 I fucked up.
01:15:49.000 I didn't mean to do that.
01:15:50.000 It wasn't my intention.
01:15:52.000 That's one of the most interesting things about having a forum like that.
01:15:57.000 The ability to do that.
01:15:59.000 The ability to create...
01:16:02.000 Some big just network of human beings all connected to each other.
01:16:07.000 Yeah, which is, I mean, really you are literally throwing a rock and the ripples effect.
01:16:11.000 You can't even begin to see them.
01:16:12.000 And when they do come back at you, it's amazing.
01:16:15.000 It's really like the stories you get are like, no fucking way.
01:16:18.000 Really dark conversation in that particular day had that impact.
01:16:22.000 It's weird, man.
01:16:23.000 It's really mind-blowing.
01:16:25.000 Yeah, it's totally unexpected, too.
01:16:27.000 That's the weird part about it.
01:16:28.000 It sort of happened completely organically.
01:16:30.000 Just like this podcast happened completely organically.
01:16:32.000 I mean, before this podcast, I was just, you know, we were just doing stand-up, and I would write blogs a lot, and, you know, and every now and then we would do, like, a thing, I think we did it on Justin TV, where we would put a laptop online and all look through the web camera and go,
01:16:48.000 what's up, bitch?
01:16:49.000 You know, like, It was really stupid.
01:16:51.000 But this sort of slowly but surely turned into what it is now.
01:16:57.000 And now when I do these shows and I meet all these people that say, oh, it changed their life.
01:17:02.000 I'm like, okay.
01:17:03.000 I don't know how it happened.
01:17:06.000 I don't know.
01:17:06.000 But I obviously have an obligation here.
01:17:09.000 It's obviously a lot bigger than me.
01:17:11.000 So I've got to keep this ball rolling.
01:17:14.000 But that's the way through.
01:17:16.000 Because some people would see the exact same thing and feel like, I mean, God, damn, I have that effect on people.
01:17:21.000 I am so cool.
01:17:22.000 They're silly bitches.
01:17:23.000 I try to, first of all, I try to bring as many other people through.
01:17:27.000 The way I describe it is like we found a hole.
01:17:30.000 We found a hole in the fence.
01:17:31.000 What I'm trying to do is bring as many cool people through the hole as possible.
01:17:34.000 And that's, to me, one of the most important aspects of...
01:17:39.000 The position, like when you're in a position where people are paying attention, like they're paying attention to you, you should point out some stuff that you've seen.
01:17:46.000 You know, whether it's really good bands or really funny people or really interesting things.
01:17:52.000 So my whole approach to it, whether it's Twitter or anything, is constantly pointing out the things that I find fascinating and I find interesting.
01:18:00.000 And even that, speaking of changing lives, how many doors do you open that way for somebody who maybe is exactly what we're describing earlier, somebody who's Awesome at what they do.
01:18:10.000 They work hard.
01:18:11.000 They are sensitive.
01:18:12.000 They need that break of luck.
01:18:14.000 One moment that opens one door that makes stuff happen for them.
01:18:19.000 That's with me too.
01:18:20.000 With all of us.
01:18:21.000 We all need that.
01:18:21.000 We all benefit from opportunities.
01:18:24.000 And it's super important to provide opportunities if they're there.
01:18:28.000 If you see...
01:18:29.000 If I see someone like yourself, that's a fascinating, interesting guy.
01:18:33.000 People need to hear you talk.
01:18:35.000 Joey Diaz, any of these people that I bring myself around.
01:18:39.000 I think it's a very strange time, and there's not that many people that have that...
01:18:48.000 I think?
01:19:07.000 To most comics.
01:19:08.000 Like, if he didn't like you, he wouldn't even look at you.
01:19:10.000 He wouldn't invite you to the couch.
01:19:12.000 I've heard a lot of that, yeah.
01:19:13.000 But also, I've heard that he was amazing to a lot of people, too.
01:19:16.000 It makes me wonder, like, what would these people like that he was a jerk to?
01:19:19.000 I don't know, you know?
01:19:21.000 I don't, you know...
01:19:22.000 I just used him as an example because he was always the guy who influenced comedians the most, helped comedians.
01:19:30.000 And Rodney Dangerfield was another one.
01:19:32.000 Rodney Dangerfield, what he did was he figured out that one of the best things that he could do with all of his fame was to introduce the world to other comedians.
01:19:41.000 So that's how we found out about Dice Clay.
01:19:43.000 That's how we found out about Sam Kinison.
01:19:44.000 Rodney Dangerfield was the best at helping other people out and introducing the world to all these other talented people.
01:19:52.000 And that goes back to what you were saying.
01:19:54.000 Somebody may get jealous and shit.
01:19:56.000 It's like, you are gaining popularity.
01:19:58.000 Shit is going to take it away from me.
01:19:59.000 You're a competitor.
01:20:00.000 I need to squash you.
01:20:02.000 That's so dumb.
01:20:04.000 Precisely.
01:20:04.000 And it's subdefeating in the end.
01:20:06.000 I have had those feelings.
01:20:08.000 Especially when I was a younger man, for sure.
01:20:10.000 I was jealous of a lot of people that were better than me at things.
01:20:14.000 It was just because I was dumb, and I didn't understand what the sensation was in my mind.
01:20:19.000 And what the sensation was in my mind, it was a drive to be better.
01:20:23.000 And instead of being better, I was trying to belittle the people who were better.
01:20:27.000 Because that's a lot easier, right?
01:20:30.000 Yeah, it was easier.
01:20:30.000 It was an incorrect way of operating my mind.
01:20:34.000 That's all it was.
01:20:35.000 And the problem with that, though, is that you define yourself by the way you operate your mind.
01:20:40.000 And that's how people get stuck in patterns.
01:20:43.000 So that you define yourself by your past actions.
01:20:47.000 And if they're unfortunate and undesirable and embarrassing, those things hurt you.
01:20:54.000 Right.
01:20:54.000 Big time.
01:20:57.000 And I mean, that's the thing, rather than having the balls of just owning your mistakes, you know, big deal, because everybody makes mistakes, everybody fucks up, and that's the beauty, because that's when you learn stuff.
01:21:07.000 Rather than dealing with it like, hey man, whether I learn something from you or you learn something from me is a win anyway.
01:21:13.000 You know, it's like, you win more in a way when you fuck up, because you're going to learn shit from it, and then you can move on and improve essentially as a human being.
01:21:21.000 People get stuck over the embarrassment or, ooh, I messed up.
01:21:25.000 I need to hide it.
01:21:26.000 I need to squash it.
01:21:27.000 I need not to see it.
01:21:28.000 And it's like, great, then you're going to do it ten more times because you're not dealing with it now.
01:21:32.000 Yeah, barring physical limitations like horrific injuries or whatever, most of what you have in life that you go through that's very difficult is an opportunity to grow.
01:21:44.000 It's hard for people to wrap their heads around that, but we all can do better.
01:21:48.000 I'm not saying that every horrible thing that happens to you, you should be happy for them.
01:21:53.000 No, but you can turn it into something that motivates you and benefits you.
01:21:58.000 It's just really hard for people to do.
01:22:00.000 It's really hard for people to just put in the fucking work.
01:22:02.000 And it's hard to feel good about that.
01:22:05.000 It's hard to feel good about putting in the work and doing difficult shit.
01:22:09.000 But that's why, to me, it's funny because you've got either the people who try to rationalize every bad shit that happens and is all, it's, everything happens for a reason.
01:22:18.000 It's in the name.
01:22:19.000 And I just want to punch them in the face because it's like, come on, man.
01:22:21.000 It's like, really?
01:22:22.000 It's like, it's all about positive thinking.
01:22:24.000 Yeah, let me give you some positive.
01:22:25.000 It's like, come on.
01:22:26.000 My friend hits me with that shit.
01:22:28.000 I go, babies die in drive-by, dude.
01:22:30.000 But they do.
01:22:30.000 Exactly.
01:22:31.000 What happened?
01:22:31.000 The baby wasn't thinking positive?
01:22:32.000 There's some meaning in it.
01:22:34.000 Now, there's no fucking meaning.
01:22:35.000 So those guys piss me off.
01:22:36.000 But at the same time, the depressive, cynical, oh, it's all bad and terrible.
01:22:41.000 There's no meaning in anything.
01:22:43.000 All this shit.
01:22:44.000 It's like that just as self-defeatist, if not more.
01:22:47.000 So to me, it's like a knowledge that not everything makes sense.
01:22:50.000 A knowledge that bad shit happens for no good reason to good people.
01:22:54.000 A knowledge that you'll deal with.
01:22:55.000 Heartbreak, tragedy.
01:22:56.000 Everybody dies.
01:22:57.000 It doesn't get any bigger than that.
01:22:59.000 And move on.
01:23:00.000 Without necessarily saying that it's because of some deeper meaning, it's maybe because of nothing.
01:23:07.000 But what can I gain from it now?
01:23:09.000 What can I learn from it?
01:23:10.000 Whether it happened for a good reason or a shitty reason, where do I move from here?
01:23:15.000 Yeah, that's one of the hardest things for people to wrap their heads around, like an objective look at their situation.
01:23:22.000 A lot of people are really good at giving advice, but they couldn't give themselves advice.
01:23:26.000 Of course.
01:23:27.000 Isn't that like, the worst is when someone's an idiot and they want to give you advice, and you're like, come on, man, stop it.
01:23:33.000 Manage your own fucking situation, you dumbass.
01:23:36.000 Yeah, thank you, guys.
01:23:39.000 Thank you.
01:23:42.000 The management of the human consciousness to me is one of the most important things that a person needs to learn in life.
01:23:50.000 And one thing that they don't fucking teach you in school.
01:23:53.000 That is one of the craziest things about school is that they don't teach you how to organize your mind and how to defeat negative thinking.
01:24:02.000 And how to encourage positive thinking and build momentum with positive acts, how to reinforce those positive things, write things down that are doing well, celebrate them with each other, pass milestones.
01:24:17.000 There's a reason why belts in martial arts exist for thousands of years.
01:24:20.000 You fucking feel good when you get a belt.
01:24:23.000 I remember when I got my blue belt, I was on a fucking television show, okay?
01:24:26.000 And the only thing I thought about being on the television show was like, eh, this is kind of cool.
01:24:31.000 I'm on TV. It's great.
01:24:32.000 It's good money.
01:24:32.000 I feel very fortunate.
01:24:33.000 But it didn't give me the rush that I got when I got a blue belt.
01:24:37.000 I was like, holy shit, I got a blue belt in jujitsu.
01:24:39.000 I'm not a white belt anymore.
01:24:41.000 You know, it's like, whoa!
01:24:42.000 I fucking was beaming that day.
01:24:44.000 I went home.
01:24:45.000 I was all excited.
01:24:46.000 Wow, I got my first belt.
01:24:47.000 Like, this is awesome.
01:24:48.000 Like, it was like a real positive feeling of moving forward.
01:24:53.000 That's something that you...
01:24:54.000 People need a discipline, man.
01:24:56.000 They need a little something to do, whether it's writing or whether it's, you know, martial art or fucking...
01:25:02.000 Just become a marathon runner.
01:25:04.000 You need something where you push yourself so you can learn what you can do.
01:25:08.000 Yeah, and literally can be anything because it can be a physical discipline, can be an intellectual discipline, maybe even both, which would be ideal.
01:25:15.000 But yeah, it's applying yourself to something.
01:25:17.000 Because you're going to face the same challenges regardless of which specific field.
01:25:20.000 Okay, maybe somebody's not going to punch you in the face when you're a painter or something.
01:25:24.000 But the point being, you're still going to be dealing with disappointment, with the learning curve.
01:25:28.000 With ego.
01:25:29.000 There's going to be people who don't like your work and it's going to crush you.
01:25:32.000 And they might be right.
01:25:34.000 They might be right.
01:25:35.000 Or they might be haters.
01:25:37.000 You find out a lot about life dealing with people through your own discipline and people that are in similar disciplines.
01:25:43.000 It's just that aspect of education is so lacking and so crazy when you really think about engineering a society, engineering the consciousness of a society, which is what education is really supposed to be about, really.
01:25:57.000 Essentially, you're making sure that the future generations are capable of contributing.
01:26:04.000 That's what you're doing.
01:26:05.000 And the funny thing is that that's usually, there are exceptions, but that's usually the last possible concern when it comes to academic environments.
01:26:14.000 It's crazy.
01:26:14.000 What do students actually learn?
01:26:16.000 I mean, I kid you not.
01:26:17.000 I had people, shit, I remember a guy at UCLA once telling me he had a tenure-track job there and he was a professor and he was like, You know, this is a great gig if only I didn't have to teach.
01:26:28.000 What?
01:26:28.000 Because he primarily wanted to research and write in his stupid academic journal and do his thing and do that.
01:26:34.000 Be a loner weirdo.
01:26:36.000 Yeah, and interacting with students bothered him.
01:26:38.000 And that's actually less rare than you would imagine.
01:26:41.000 You know, there's actually a lot of those guys who are really comfortable in a pile of documents in some bureaucratic...
01:26:46.000 They turn educational bureaucracy, which goes back to my fuck you and your motherfucking mama, because those are the people who kill the fun of it.
01:26:54.000 But is that at all schools?
01:26:55.000 Is that at Harvard?
01:26:56.000 Is that the highest levels of education?
01:26:58.000 What school can you say?
01:27:00.000 Should you not say where you teach at?
01:27:01.000 Yeah.
01:27:02.000 Probably shouldn't say.
01:27:03.000 Well, I teach multiple places, so it could be any one of them.
01:27:05.000 Let's not say any names.
01:27:07.000 But honestly, it's not even that personal.
01:27:09.000 No?
01:27:09.000 You can't get in trouble?
01:27:10.000 No, I mean, it is.
01:27:12.000 Saying fuck you with your motherfucking mama and having it be a big deal?
01:27:15.000 No, what I meant to say is it's not personal in the sense that it could be them, it could be somebody, other faceless bureaucrat.
01:27:22.000 It's a mentality.
01:27:23.000 You know what I mean?
01:27:23.000 It's not even like that single individual.
01:27:25.000 If it's not that, it's another one.
01:27:27.000 There's like...
01:27:28.000 So it's a lack of passion that disturbs you, a lack of a pursuit of excellence in teaching.
01:27:34.000 And that, you think, is more common than not.
01:27:36.000 There's exceptional teachers, but they're fairly rare.
01:27:39.000 Exactly.
01:27:40.000 And I mean, you know, even exceptions, even a lot of exceptions, if you get like 20% of people who are good, that's awesome.
01:27:46.000 That's actually good in a teaching environment, which when you think about it, you're really dealing with eight people who kind of suck, which is awful.
01:27:52.000 But even that, I would sign up for it.
01:27:53.000 Well, you know, I think of it in terms of people that I started out doing open mic nights with.
01:27:58.000 How many of them have gone on and actually become professional comedians?
01:28:02.000 Right.
01:28:02.000 I only know, out of all the people that I did it with, three.
01:28:07.000 Right.
01:28:09.000 And two of them I'm still friends with, Chris McGuire and Greg Fitzsimmons.
01:28:12.000 Those are two guys that I started out with that actually became professional comedians.
01:28:16.000 And that's a tiny number compared to the amount of people that we actually knew from those days that were attempting to do it.
01:28:23.000 So if you can get 20% of your students, and those students become...
01:28:29.000 Proficient in whatever you're teaching, whether you're teaching history or mathematics or whatever.
01:28:34.000 That's pretty fucking good.
01:28:35.000 Absolutely.
01:28:36.000 And the thing is, thinking about the comedy example, imagine that the people you started with, there's no testing ground.
01:28:43.000 There's no people laugh or not, think it's funny or not.
01:28:46.000 So your career is not shaped by actual feedback, whether you're good or not.
01:28:50.000 Your career is based on how well you stepped through the stupid academic hoops.
01:28:55.000 Like getting the jobs has nothing to do with actual teaching skill.
01:28:59.000 It's all about other crap.
01:29:01.000 Research.
01:29:02.000 How good research, how good your CV looks, have you served in some subcommittee where you spent, you know, that kind of shit.
01:29:08.000 But isn't that to encourage people to innovate and to keep coming up with new ideas and that the research is how we learn things?
01:29:17.000 In the sciences, I dig it.
01:29:19.000 I see the point of it.
01:29:21.000 In a lot of humanities, social science, the reality is that the so-called research is stuff written in this stuffy academic language that the only other people are going to read are eight other experts in the field that you might as well call them, right?
01:29:34.000 And it's designed almost to be not something that's communicable to regular audiences because that makes you look cool and learned and all of that.
01:29:43.000 And to me, that's the exact opposite of Communication Master.
01:29:46.000 You know, Communication Master is taking really difficult ideas and translating them in ways that anybody can relate to, right?
01:29:53.000 Making them digestible so that from any walk of life, you can see a connection to your life.
01:30:00.000 This is taking it the exact opposite direction.
01:30:02.000 It's making it weird and this pseudo-intellectual game for nerds with walking to a library 40 years ago and never saw the light of the sun again.
01:30:12.000 Because that's the game, essentially.
01:30:14.000 It's really difficult to take advice from a person who's not living a healthy life.
01:30:21.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:30:21.000 You can learn certain things from them, but it should really be like the idea of the samurai.
01:30:30.000 The samurai had to be a well-rounded person.
01:30:32.000 You had to understand calligraphy and artwork.
01:30:36.000 Having that one well-rounded unit would serve you in battle because you would be a person of character and clear thought.
01:30:43.000 Absolutely.
01:30:43.000 And that's what education should be.
01:30:46.000 Right.
01:30:46.000 Right.
01:30:46.000 But it's not, huh?
01:30:48.000 Yeah.
01:30:49.000 Definitely.
01:30:49.000 What percentage of teachers do you think are really innovating and trying to provide a better learning environment and trying to, like, You must have a bunch of professors that you are cool with.
01:31:00.000 There are two levels.
01:31:02.000 There's a fairly high number of people who are nice human beings, who mean well.
01:31:07.000 There are a bunch of obnoxious, stuffy, bureaucrats.
01:31:11.000 But there is a solid number of people who are made of nice human beings.
01:31:15.000 They're just not brilliant human beings.
01:31:18.000 They're not bad.
01:31:19.000 They try.
01:31:20.000 It's just their delivery, their ability to turn a light on inside the student's head is very limited.
01:31:27.000 It's not because they're bad.
01:31:28.000 It's, I don't know, whatever the fuck.
01:31:31.000 It's almost like performance in that sense.
01:31:33.000 Is there any sort of a universal standard when it comes to, say, getting a PhD in applied mathematics or whether it's English or literature?
01:31:42.000 Is there a standard amongst all the universities in the country?
01:31:46.000 Or does each university sort of get together with its scholars and sort of figure it out themselves?
01:31:51.000 This is what we think we should require of them in order for them to get a bachelor's degree.
01:31:59.000 It's both.
01:32:00.000 There are certain general standards that are expected, and then each school can push its policies in certain directions.
01:32:08.000 So there are both things exist.
01:32:10.000 But they're usually not based on what you're saying, in making you a better human being.
01:32:16.000 That's not the goal of education.
01:32:18.000 It's giving you a bunch of knowledge about stuff you didn't know about, which may be useful, and some people will be able to take a lot out of it and turn it into something that actually applies to life, or maybe useless crap that's invading your head for no good reason.
01:32:32.000 There's no connection to real life a lot of the time.
01:32:35.000 You know what I mean?
01:32:35.000 That's the biggest problem.
01:32:37.000 It remains, even when it's good, it's a theoretical game that's not designed to change how you get up from the seat and walk through class, how you are as a human being, how you feel.
01:32:48.000 It's not designed to affect that.
01:32:49.000 It's purely about knowledge for knowledge's sake.
01:32:52.000 Which, you know, it has some good sides, but it also has some major limits right there.
01:32:57.000 There's so many fucking things to know and learn.
01:33:01.000 If you're just learning grammar, language, education, logic, mathematics, you start going over the various disciplines and the various things that a person can...
01:33:12.000 There's not enough time in your young life to really put together an accurate piece of the world and then go out and be a part of it.
01:33:22.000 That's the weirdest thing about school is that when most of my friends that graduated college, like right when they got out, that was like one of the weirdest times of their life where they were like, fuck, now what?
01:33:34.000 You know?
01:33:34.000 Now what?
01:33:35.000 I've fucking been buried in books for all these years and trying to figure...
01:33:38.000 And now I'm out there like, okie dokie.
01:33:41.000 Like, here goes.
01:33:42.000 Here goes nothing.
01:33:44.000 It's almost like it's real hard to get a realistic view of the world before you're an adult.
01:33:51.000 Right.
01:33:52.000 Yeah, I mean, before you get actual experience, you know what I mean?
01:33:55.000 Doing stuff rather than being stuck in this intellectual game.
01:33:59.000 And I mean, I'm a nerd, you know, I love to read like crazy.
01:34:01.000 I love to know things about a million different subjects.
01:34:04.000 So I'm far from advocating anti-intellectualism, far from it.
01:34:08.000 But at the same time, to me, real intellect goes hand in hand with a certain relationship with your body.
01:34:14.000 It's about both.
01:34:16.000 You know what I mean?
01:34:17.000 It makes you a more complete human being.
01:34:20.000 It makes you better.
01:34:21.000 Not only if you are an athlete and you're smart, We're probably going to be better at athletics, not only at the other stuff.
01:34:27.000 As long as you don't have too much homework.
01:34:29.000 That's right.
01:34:30.000 Fuck up your training.
01:34:31.000 If you're a nerd and we live in this idea that your thoughts are really this gnome that's stuck in your head that's directing the machine of the body so that who you are physically doesn't really affect your consciousness, which is essentially what school tells you,
01:34:47.000 right?
01:34:47.000 Because, I mean, look at how people learn.
01:34:50.000 You go sit into these really uncomfortable chairs facing forward.
01:34:53.000 Your body wants to stretch.
01:34:55.000 You want to move.
01:34:55.000 You want to shake some energy.
01:34:57.000 You can't.
01:34:57.000 You're supposed to stay there.
01:34:58.000 Listen.
01:34:59.000 Listen to some bastard up there who's going blah, blah, blah, blah.
01:35:02.000 What's the alternative?
01:35:04.000 Integrating more consciousness.
01:35:07.000 Affecting consciousness in it.
01:35:09.000 So having things that are about giving a lot more importance to the body, to physical experiences.
01:35:15.000 Not only as your two hours of PE somewhere, which is It's not about consciousness.
01:35:20.000 It's about moving muscle and shit, which is nice, but it's not the same thing.
01:35:23.000 It's also emphasizing how, through a whole variety of physical discipline, you can affect the mind, you can affect spirit, if you want to get that far.
01:35:33.000 There's a connection between all these different things.
01:35:35.000 Whereas we have this mentality that knowledge is about knowledge's sake, there's relatively no connection to your body, and very little connection to actually applying that knowledge in real life.
01:35:49.000 To me, it's missing the point.
01:35:52.000 If it doesn't improve the quality of your life, what the hell is the point?
01:36:01.000 I don't mean just, oh, it needs to make the corn grow or some stuff.
01:36:05.000 It could even intellectually improve the quality of your life because it makes you happy, because it makes you relate better to other human beings.
01:36:11.000 Well, that has an effect on life.
01:36:13.000 I'm talking about knowledge that just about in the year 1763 it is happened and there's no attempt to link it with why, what's the point, what's the lesson you can learn, what can you get out of it for your life.
01:36:27.000 There's no effort whatsoever in that regard.
01:36:29.000 Is it because it's just too much information to give people and they don't have time for that aspect of it?
01:36:34.000 Part of it, sure, sure, because there's a bunch of factual things you need to get, and they are less controversial, you know, there's no argument about the factual stuff, whereas when you're, quote unquote, trying to educate somebody, there's also an element of who are you?
01:36:45.000 Are you a human being who has something to offer to somebody else, or are you some guy in a position of power who's trying to force his own more subjective thing on people?
01:36:55.000 So what you're telling me is academics and academia in general just needs more mushrooms.
01:37:02.000 That's word by word what I was saying.
01:37:05.000 Precisely.
01:37:06.000 I'm hearing they need a fresh perspective and a psychedelic outlook.
01:37:10.000 I think I'm going to have a mushroom Thanksgiving this year.
01:37:13.000 It's a good move, dude.
01:37:13.000 If I wasn't with my kids, I would do it.
01:37:15.000 I'm in San Diego, so I might stay an extra day.
01:37:17.000 Holla!
01:37:18.000 Don't say that, man.
01:37:19.000 They'll find you in San Diego.
01:37:20.000 They got a mushroom sniffing dog.
01:37:21.000 It's right near the fucking military base.
01:37:23.000 The last thing they want is mushrooms in the military.
01:37:26.000 That is the last thing you need when you're in the military is mushrooms.
01:37:29.000 You need amphetamines and steroids.
01:37:31.000 You don't need mushrooms.
01:37:32.000 Right.
01:37:32.000 Okay?
01:37:33.000 We're out there.
01:37:33.000 You want to come home safe?
01:37:35.000 Mushrooms are for later.
01:37:37.000 Flash rooms are for when you get back.
01:37:40.000 I've talked to a lot of dudes who are in Afghanistan who listen to the podcast over there.
01:37:47.000 A lot of the troops listen to the podcast over there.
01:37:49.000 And it's a weird conversation, you know.
01:37:53.000 I've had a bunch of them with dudes after shows.
01:37:56.000 I go, listen, man, you don't even know, but you guys kept me sane when I was over there.
01:38:01.000 That's another strange responsibility for people that are in such a tough position, like to be over at war and to be providing them with some other thoughts.
01:38:13.000 So listen, amphetamines and steroids and keep pulling that trigger and run.
01:38:21.000 You didn't create this shit.
01:38:22.000 You just stuck in it.
01:38:23.000 It's like the running man.
01:38:25.000 Just get through it.
01:38:26.000 Before the aliens land.
01:38:29.000 What do you think about all these ancient aliens motherfuckers that want to say that the original sources of humanity was that we were created by aliens?
01:38:41.000 Does that seem ridiculous to you?
01:38:42.000 I mean, sure, it does.
01:38:43.000 But at the same time, just because it's ridiculous doesn't mean it can't be true.
01:38:46.000 Right, totally.
01:38:47.000 We exist.
01:38:49.000 There was a Harvard guy, some astronomer, who was talking about the likelihood of life in the universe is very small.
01:38:55.000 It's very likely that we are alone because they searched for 500 different planets and they found no signs of life.
01:39:06.000 I thought that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard out of a smart guy's mouth.
01:39:10.000 Because there's 500, he said.
01:39:12.000 He found 500 and he found nothing.
01:39:13.000 No.
01:39:14.000 You search 501, dummy, because Earth is one of them and Earth has life.
01:39:20.000 So you found one, which is fucking crazy.
01:39:23.000 We are crazy.
01:39:25.000 The fact that we exist at all and that we have internet...
01:39:29.000 And then we have Google on our phone.
01:39:30.000 And then we can fly in tubes that fucking shoot you 30,000 feet in the air.
01:39:35.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:39:36.000 Come on, son.
01:39:37.000 Imagine describing it to somebody who doesn't know anything about it.
01:39:40.000 It sounds like alien tales.
01:39:43.000 Well, I used to talk about it on stage that you try wrapping your head around the fact that 200 years ago, if you wanted a picture of something, you had to draw it.
01:39:50.000 Yep.
01:39:52.000 Like, that is not that long ago.
01:39:54.000 Or even, yeah, around that time, is like, forget playing any music.
01:39:57.000 The only music you ever hear is live music, and there's nothing else.
01:40:00.000 Because you can't, you know, there's no recording device that you can press play and go.
01:40:05.000 Yeah, now I have gigs of music on my phone.
01:40:09.000 You know, it just, it never fails to trip me out that I can go to my phone.
01:40:13.000 Like, I don't have an iPod anymore.
01:40:14.000 I mean, I have an iPod that, one of like, I have like a leftover one.
01:40:21.000 But your phone becomes also your eyeball.
01:40:23.000 When I go to the gym, I play my phone.
01:40:25.000 And there's so much variety in there.
01:40:28.000 There's thousands of fucking songs in your phone.
01:40:31.000 Best musicians in the world, all packed inside your phone.
01:40:34.000 We can't even wrap our stupid heads around it.
01:40:37.000 It's like what I was saying about the rise and fall of these civilizations.
01:40:42.000 We're experiencing and we're benefiting from something we don't even understand a little bit.
01:40:48.000 Whereas when you were living in the pioneer days, everything was pretty fucking straightforward.
01:40:54.000 You had to fix that wagon wheel.
01:40:55.000 And this is what you got to do.
01:40:56.000 You got to take some wood and pound the metal and do this and then put the wheel back on.
01:41:00.000 And if you want to shoot a deer, you've got to sneak up on it.
01:41:03.000 And this is how you skin it.
01:41:04.000 And this is how you cut it.
01:41:05.000 And if it's fucking hot out, you better smoke that shit and turn it into beef jerky.
01:41:09.000 Otherwise, it'll go bad.
01:41:11.000 We knew how to manage all of the things that we had in our environment.
01:41:15.000 And if we didn't, we knew a guy in town who did.
01:41:18.000 Well, I'm not a blacksmith, but Bob is.
01:41:19.000 And I'll go to Bob and get some horseshoes.
01:41:21.000 I remember that movie, The Unforgiven, the Clint Eastwood movie.
01:41:27.000 Seeing him out on the farm with his fucking kids, trying to farm and falling flat on his face, trying to push pigs into a pen, that was reality for everybody.
01:41:38.000 That was the only way to live.
01:41:39.000 That's all that existed, and you knew how to manage all the different aspects of your life.
01:41:44.000 You understood how a gun worked.
01:41:45.000 You understood how to sharpen an axe.
01:41:48.000 Not anymore, man.
01:41:49.000 I don't fucking press buttons.
01:41:51.000 I don't even understand.
01:41:52.000 I've never even thought about trying to understand wireless internet, but I'm on it right now.
01:41:56.000 I've never even thought about attempting for a moment to gain any sort of an understanding of it.
01:42:02.000 I mean, so much of this is so beyond anything you can get quickly or under, because you have to understand so much of physics, so much of it.
01:42:08.000 It's like, forget it.
01:42:09.000 Okay, it works.
01:42:10.000 I press play, it works.
01:42:11.000 I'm happy.
01:42:11.000 Yeah, we're civilization spoiled.
01:42:13.000 Yeah.
01:42:14.000 Do you think that that's just a stage, though, and that one day our brains will catch up with all this shit?
01:42:18.000 Like, They say the human brain doubled in size over a period of two million years at some point in human evolution.
01:42:23.000 That's what separated us.
01:42:25.000 That's how we took off from the other apes.
01:42:27.000 Is that going on right now?
01:42:29.000 Probably, because when you look at the speed of technological innovation of not the last thousand years, the last hundred, when you consider maybe 150, electricity, phones, cars, airplanes, TV, radio, computer...
01:42:44.000 All of it is mind-blowing, really.
01:42:47.000 I remember when I was a kid in Italy, And I'm not like this old guy who's like, you know, back in my time.
01:42:55.000 No, I mean, I'm late 30s and I remember when I was a kid, if I wanted to find out who won the NBA Finals, I would call the one Italian magazine that cover basketball.
01:43:06.000 They had talked to their friend in New York who had given them the news.
01:43:10.000 And so maybe two days later when they opened for business, I get to find out who won the NBA Finals.
01:43:15.000 If I don't make that call, I have to wait a month for the magazine to be published so I know who won the game.
01:43:20.000 And I'm like...
01:43:21.000 And that was, what, 25 years ago or something?
01:43:24.000 30 years ago?
01:43:25.000 Are you kidding me?
01:43:26.000 I mean, now you can be in some hole in the wall somewhere, you have internet connection, and you can watch it live, and it's insane.
01:43:34.000 It really is.
01:43:35.000 And it's changing.
01:43:36.000 It's getting crazier and crazier, and it's not going to stop.
01:43:40.000 And what we have now is so amazing, but it really is the tip of the iceberg.
01:43:45.000 And one of the side effects is going to be a complete and total lack of privacy.
01:43:50.000 That's one of the side effects that people have to understand.
01:43:53.000 Sure.
01:43:53.000 Like, enjoy your privacy while you can.
01:43:55.000 Right.
01:43:55.000 Because eventually, it's not going to exist.
01:43:58.000 Right.
01:44:05.000 Of humanity as one superorganism.
01:44:08.000 That's really where it's all going.
01:44:11.000 All the boundaries are going to go away through technology.
01:44:14.000 Technology eventually, biologically, will be a part of our systems.
01:44:18.000 We'll have some chips inside of our body.
01:44:21.000 We'll have some implants that we install into people's bodies in a quick and easy way.
01:44:26.000 For people that say, oh, that's crazy science.
01:44:30.000 That's not going to happen.
01:44:30.000 Look at Pamela Anderson's tits.
01:44:33.000 Okay?
01:44:34.000 Look at what she's accepted.
01:44:35.000 She has accepted bags of water under her nipples that make her tits pop out in an unrealistic way.
01:44:42.000 You don't think that you're going to accept a chip in your brain that's going to let you see the future?
01:44:46.000 That's ridiculous.
01:44:47.000 You're going to take it.
01:44:48.000 You're going to get that operation.
01:44:49.000 There's going to be dudes who are stupid as fuck and there's going to be dudes with brain jobs.
01:44:54.000 And those dudes with brain jobs, they'll be running shit.
01:44:57.000 They'll be fucking flying around in private jets and Ferraris.
01:44:59.000 You're like, I don't need that.
01:45:00.000 I'm a fucking simple man.
01:45:01.000 I live in a country, and these cars don't run.
01:45:04.000 And you're out there chopping wood with an axe, you fucking dummy.
01:45:07.000 And this guy can read your mind, okay?
01:45:10.000 This guy's got a fucking little piece of silicone on the base of his skull, and he can see through walls.
01:45:15.000 You're not going to take that?
01:45:16.000 You're dumb.
01:45:17.000 You're a dumb-dumb.
01:45:18.000 You're going to be back there with the monkeys who couldn't figure out how to make fire.
01:45:22.000 Right.
01:45:22.000 Yeah, all those stupid fucks that are still in Africa swinging from trees.
01:45:26.000 That used to be us, apparently, millions of years ago, supposedly.
01:45:30.000 Have you seen that new shit where they found that human beings 500,000 years ago were using tools and using flint-tipped spears and arrows?
01:45:42.000 500,000 years, Jesus.
01:45:44.000 Yeah, the most recent discovery, which predates what we thought human beings used as tools by 200,000 years.
01:45:52.000 That's insane.
01:45:53.000 I mean, I don't even know what human beings 500,000 years ago would have looked like, as you're talking about.
01:45:58.000 Yeah, no shit, right?
01:45:59.000 Way, way.
01:46:00.000 Man, that's...
01:46:02.000 I wonder what they looked like, man.
01:46:04.000 I bet, yeah.
01:46:05.000 I mean, how ape-like were we a half a million years ago?
01:46:09.000 I mean, when did it...
01:46:10.000 Well, they know that Neanderthals...
01:46:12.000 Notice how I said talls like a true intellectual with my three years of college.
01:46:18.000 They know that they...
01:46:21.000 They not only made weapons, but they also were navigators.
01:46:25.000 One of the most recent discoveries is that they think they sailed out to islands on their own, you know, without Homo sapiens.
01:46:32.000 The Neanderthals had figured out how to make boats.
01:46:35.000 They didn't really think that just a few decades ago.
01:46:38.000 They were around until, relatively speaking, not that long ago, because they went extinct like maybe 30,000 years ago or something, and they were around since maybe 200,000 years ago.
01:46:48.000 That's a lot of time shared by homo sapiens sapiens and the neanderthal at the same time.
01:46:53.000 Yeah, that's nuts, man.
01:46:57.000 And they were weird looking, dude.
01:47:00.000 They were like 5 feet tall, 200 pounds, solid rock.
01:47:03.000 Stalky as hell.
01:47:04.000 Stalky as fuck.
01:47:05.000 They all looked like Husamar Pajares, but not with that head.
01:47:10.000 He has a human head.
01:47:11.000 They had weird heads, man.
01:47:12.000 They had crazy foreheads.
01:47:14.000 Heavy, thick bones.
01:47:15.000 I saw a documentary where they were trying to put clay and reconstruct a Neanderthal's face and they compared it to a human being.
01:47:26.000 They had a Homo sapien right next to a Neanderthal.
01:47:28.000 There's so many prominent features that were different.
01:47:30.000 The brow.
01:47:31.000 They were a totally different fucking thing.
01:47:34.000 But they were real close.
01:47:36.000 Real close to us.
01:47:38.000 They crossed the Mediterranean in boats 100,000 years ago.
01:47:44.000 Isn't that amazing?
01:47:45.000 Some people still think they were swimmers by the way.
01:47:48.000 But there's other people that have found distinctive evidence that they had made it to these islands.
01:47:56.000 Yeah, there's no way to swim in.
01:47:58.000 That's insane.
01:47:59.000 Maybe they could.
01:48:00.000 Imagine that.
01:48:01.000 Maybe they're like crocodiles.
01:48:02.000 You're right.
01:48:02.000 Humans can swim.
01:48:06.000 No, that's freaky.
01:48:07.000 And the underdogs were actually the first ones to bury their bodies.
01:48:10.000 So they are the first species that have burial for their dead.
01:48:15.000 Before Homo sapiens did?
01:48:17.000 Well, because I mean, a lot of Homo sapiens is a lot of the evidence that we have, typically what we could, like, the stuff passed 100,000 years ago, we really don't know a whole lot about.
01:48:27.000 You know what I mean?
01:48:27.000 There's like, you find a fragment of a tooth from 300,000 years, and then you find a little finger from, it's like, so putting together, there's a lot of guesswork involved about this stuff.
01:48:38.000 And that's part of what's fun about it, is that every other day there's new articles coming in with new theories that make it, that change that.
01:48:45.000 It's like the stuff that we thought we knew until yesterday, scratch that, that was bullshit.
01:48:50.000 We actually now know that what you just said, like, you know, 500 years ago, 500,000 years ago, they used on tools, whereas before we thought a lot less.
01:48:58.000 That stuff is constantly changing.
01:49:00.000 But one of the theories up until, as far as I know, still current was that Neanderthals were the first to bury their dead, which is a trip itself that some non-human species, or rather related to us but not us, could do the exact same thing.
01:49:14.000 Wouldn't it be crazy if humans learned how to seafare from Neanderthals?
01:49:20.000 I say humans, because they actually were humans.
01:49:22.000 I'm saying it wrong.
01:49:23.000 But they did it before us, supposedly.
01:49:27.000 But then there's other people that think that we absorb them.
01:49:30.000 You know, there's two different schools of thought on that.
01:49:33.000 One of them is that we interbred with them, and one of them is that, no, we just shared DNA from the get-go, and it's just we're better at understanding that now.
01:49:40.000 Yeah, they say that basically Neanderthals are an evolutionary dead end.
01:49:44.000 There's no crossover with human beings.
01:49:46.000 It's only ancestral stuff, or exactly.
01:49:48.000 Or instead, the happy Neanderthal sex scenario where...
01:49:51.000 Homo sapiens, sapiens, and Neanderthal.
01:49:53.000 Listen, dudes fuck dudes.
01:49:54.000 They would definitely fuck a Neanderthal chick.
01:49:56.000 No doubt.
01:49:57.000 If they could get some, if they're in the middle of nowhere, if you're like hunting elk with a stick, and you find some hot Neanderthal chick, and she's ready to go, you're like, alright, come on, let's do this.
01:50:06.000 It's on.
01:50:06.000 It's on.
01:50:07.000 Yeah, man.
01:50:08.000 I've traveled before, cross-country, where you're on the road for days on end, and after a while, from state after state, you see the average woman being 300 pounds, when suddenly you see a 200-pound woman, and you're like, oh My God, that's so hot!
01:50:22.000 You adjust.
01:50:23.000 It's all relative.
01:50:24.000 You make an adjustment.
01:50:25.000 You have yourself a harem of Neanderthal chicks.
01:50:27.000 They make you big, thick babies, too.
01:50:30.000 Big, thick, strong ones.
01:50:32.000 100,000 years ago, these guys were taking boats as far as 12 kilometers.
01:50:38.000 That's pretty incredible, man.
01:50:40.000 That's really incredible.
01:50:42.000 Well, actually, some of them even 40 kilometers.
01:50:45.000 Some of them made even more ambitious journeys.
01:50:48.000 That's amazing, man.
01:50:50.000 How the fuck did Homo sapiens just occur?
01:50:53.000 I mean, it's not like it just occurred, but if you really stop and look at us, the fleshy, weak-ass bitches, but very, very clever...
01:51:01.000 And compare us to all the other apes.
01:51:04.000 What a weird sort of a journey to go from whatever the fuck it is.
01:51:09.000 I don't understand the creation of species.
01:51:12.000 I understand the evolution once a species has been established for the most part.
01:51:16.000 What's currently understood about that.
01:51:18.000 I've sort of tried to wrap my head around that.
01:51:20.000 But I don't understand the emergence.
01:51:21.000 How does a frog just become a frog?
01:51:24.000 Where does an eagle come from?
01:51:27.000 Was there some steps along the way?
01:51:29.000 I'm sure there were.
01:51:31.000 Yeah.
01:51:54.000 Amber, sap can trap million-year-old bugs, and we learn a lot from that.
01:52:01.000 But most people, nature just absorbs us.
01:52:05.000 Most animals, nature absorbs them.
01:52:09.000 Like, you leave a bear, a dead bear in the woods, like, you come back in a month later, there's nothing left.
01:52:13.000 No, I mean, that's why, in fact, history books are always the thickest.
01:52:16.000 You know, you go through the first 200,000 years of history, they're like two pages.
01:52:21.000 And then you go in the last 10 years, they're like three books thick of it.
01:52:25.000 It's not because it's any more interesting, it's because we know more.
01:52:28.000 You know, that's what it boils down to.
01:52:30.000 I listened to this lecture once, I think it was another McKenna one, where he was talking about if you had a computer of sufficient power and you understood wind variables and you understood you could program...
01:52:46.000 All the measurements from a sand dune and from that sand dune you could get a map of the wind and you could you could literally get an accurate representation of how fast the wind was blowing and for how long and how did it create this from the this mass of sand and I always wondered like I wonder if what just what we can do now is so bizarre as far as exchange data and as far as figure things out and communication I wonder
01:53:16.000 if it's possible to take the results of life on this planet in what we know of over the last 20, 30, whatever it is, 100 years of accurate history and put what we know to be 100% true in some sort of a gigantic mathematical program and extrapolate the past from that or make a calculation from what we know.
01:53:43.000 And literally be able to get an accurate representation of everything from single-celled organisms to dinosaurs all the way to a human being and recreate that in a way that people could actually watch.
01:53:53.000 That could be the kind of thing that 300 years from now, people will look now like, really?
01:53:58.000 Those bastards didn't know about that?
01:54:00.000 Yeah, of course you could do that, stupid.
01:54:01.000 Yeah, well, they'll probably laugh at people with, like, sex change, too.
01:54:05.000 Like, you gotta go and get your dick cut off?
01:54:07.000 Dude, why don't you just go into the sex change center, press the button.
01:54:11.000 I want to be a black woman.
01:54:12.000 Hold on.
01:54:13.000 Beep!
01:54:14.000 They'll nuke you like a fucking...
01:54:16.000 Like fixing a Hot Pocket, you know?
01:54:20.000 One day.
01:54:22.000 If we can make people look like women, we're going to be able to make you a woman.
01:54:28.000 One day.
01:54:31.000 Unquestionably, there's going to be some unbelievable manipulation of reality.
01:54:36.000 Coming up in the future.
01:54:37.000 Before that, I'm imagining, can you picture when they finally figured out very realistic robots that look like humans and everybody can buy like the hottest possible sex partners on the planet for like 500 bucks at Target?
01:54:50.000 Yeah.
01:54:51.000 And people will never leave the house.
01:54:53.000 You know what I mean?
01:54:54.000 It's like society as we know it will come to an end once that sex toys will be perfected because no one will leave the damn house if you have in your closet 10 of the hottest women or men or whatever.
01:55:06.000 How about both?
01:55:08.000 It's a fucking party, Daniele.
01:55:10.000 It's a fucking party.
01:55:11.000 And they will, you know...
01:55:13.000 It's not even game if they're not real.
01:55:15.000 It's a robot.
01:55:16.000 Yeah.
01:55:17.000 You fuck robot dudes?
01:55:19.000 That's not gay.
01:55:20.000 But look, you're willing to fuck a flashlight, but you're not willing to fuck a robot dude?
01:55:23.000 What if someone made you a robot dude with the perfect vagina?
01:55:27.000 Everything else, you know, you had to accept the fact that it looked like a dude, but God, that vagina's perfect.
01:55:35.000 No, you wouldn't do it.
01:55:36.000 But you would fuck a fleshlight as long as you can contain it into a non-human tube.
01:55:41.000 Exactly.
01:55:41.000 That doesn't look like a guy.
01:55:43.000 We're so strange.
01:55:45.000 We had a dude on the other day who is a robotics expert, Daniel H. Wilson.
01:55:50.000 Fascinating guy.
01:55:51.000 Great conversation.
01:55:52.000 He freaked me the fuck out, man.
01:55:54.000 We were talking about when's the first guy going to cut his legs off and put robot legs on.
01:55:59.000 I was like, ah!
01:56:00.000 It really made me cringe when he said it because I was like, he's right and that's going to happen.
01:56:05.000 There's going to come a point in time, we were talking about amputees who now run in the Olympics with special prosthetics, that one day they're going to have legs that are better than a human.
01:56:14.000 You're going to laugh at human legs.
01:56:15.000 They're going to have some fucking awesome...
01:56:17.000 They came up with some artificial skin cell that was mixed with steel.
01:56:25.000 I've got to understand how the fuck they did that.
01:56:27.000 Let me Google this real quick, but it's the beginning.
01:56:32.000 It's an artificial human cell with somehow or another fucking steel fibers woven into it.
01:56:40.000 Yeah.
01:56:41.000 I don't know what the fuck they did.
01:56:45.000 I don't totally understand it.
01:56:48.000 But they're able to create artificial cells now.
01:56:51.000 And it's not all with flesh.
01:56:57.000 They can do it with varying materials.
01:56:59.000 They think they're going to be able to create skin based on spider silk or spider webs that's bulletproof.
01:57:07.000 No way.
01:57:08.000 Yeah, that in the future, they will be able to replace human skin with a bulletproof substitute.
01:57:14.000 No, come on, you're making this shit up.
01:57:16.000 Serious?
01:57:16.000 No, I'm not.
01:57:17.000 Yeah, absolutely serious.
01:57:19.000 They're trying to...
01:57:20.000 I mean, they've already figured out a way to make certain animals produce spider silk.
01:57:25.000 Just like jet packs.
01:57:27.000 One day, we'll have it.
01:57:29.000 Well, I don't think...
01:57:31.000 I think, like, the problem with jet packs is, like...
01:57:34.000 They would have to be all magnetized so that you couldn't crash into each other.
01:57:37.000 You get really close, like two magnets, and whoa!
01:57:39.000 You fly off.
01:57:40.000 Same with flying cars.
01:57:42.000 Yeah, that's one of the reasons why helicopters never took off.
01:57:45.000 When they first made the helicopter, they thought that it was going to replace the car.
01:57:48.000 That was the idea.
01:57:49.000 But then they realized that people are too fucking stupid for that right now.
01:57:53.000 There was a big helicopter crash in Manhattan.
01:57:55.000 Some billionaire guy died.
01:57:57.000 It turns out he had his five-year-old daughter in his lap and she was kicking the controls.
01:58:00.000 Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
01:58:01.000 No, she kicked the controls.
01:58:02.000 The helicopter went into a fucking tailspin and they died.
01:58:05.000 Wow.
01:58:06.000 Whoa.
01:58:07.000 Yeah.
01:58:07.000 Whoops.
01:58:08.000 That's why helicopters can't replace cars.
01:58:10.000 No.
01:58:11.000 I mean, it's a miracle already when you're driving on the freeway and you look at all the people driving and you figure, really, we're not crashing into each other every second.
01:58:19.000 That already amazes me.
01:58:20.000 Oh, especially when you go and you see what fucking people put on their Twitter page.
01:58:24.000 And then you go, how is this ape staying in a lane?
01:58:26.000 You fucking dum-dum.
01:58:29.000 Is that the product of the education system or is it there's a broad spectrum of the human mind and there's some people that are born ditch-diggers?
01:58:36.000 Option B. Option B. God damn it.
01:58:39.000 This is coming from an educator, ladies and gentlemen, a very smart guy who thinks there's ditch diggers.
01:58:44.000 I was hoping for the best.
01:58:46.000 Is there a way we can give them that...
01:58:50.000 What is that stuff from the Limitless movie?
01:58:53.000 What was that?
01:58:54.000 NZT that you give people and they fucking become super smart.
01:58:57.000 He was like a lazy bitch and then he wrote a book in a day and became a billionaire.
01:59:01.000 Kind of like the Matrix approach to learning where you plug in the thing and you're like, I know Kung Fu.
01:59:06.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:59:07.000 The brain chip that we were talking about earlier.
01:59:09.000 The guy gets a brain job.
01:59:12.000 Maybe that's going to save all the ditch diggers.
01:59:13.000 Then we'll just make robots to ditch dicks.
01:59:16.000 Well, ditch dicks?
01:59:18.000 I'm thinking about dicks.
01:59:19.000 This is a very dick-oriented show.
01:59:22.000 Great.
01:59:22.000 I'm so happy to be here.
01:59:24.000 Well, you've contributed to it, sir.
01:59:26.000 You're here.
01:59:27.000 You're responsible.
01:59:28.000 It's a fucking group environment.
01:59:33.000 Sorry, go ahead.
01:59:33.000 What are you going to say?
01:59:35.000 I was going to say something stupid.
01:59:37.000 You stop from saying something stupid.
01:59:39.000 See, folks, there is evolution everywhere.
01:59:42.000 Even here on the podcast, Brian Redman is catching himself.
01:59:48.000 Uncalled for.
01:59:50.000 No, it's not uncalled for.
01:59:51.000 That's a good thing, man.
01:59:52.000 No, I said it was uncalled for.
01:59:54.000 Oh, it was uncalled for?
01:59:55.000 Well, welcome to everybody's life.
01:59:57.000 Everybody involved in this podcast has benefited from saying things that were uncalled for.
02:00:01.000 I think the world can use a little more uncalled for shit.
02:00:05.000 Alright, goddammit.
02:00:06.000 Everybody wants everything to be beautiful and perfect and called for.
02:00:10.000 Sometimes, no.
02:00:12.000 There's hiccups.
02:00:12.000 We're figuring this thing out as we move along, folks.
02:00:15.000 No one's got it down to a science.
02:00:18.000 None of those Buddhist monks even get laid.
02:00:20.000 Okay?
02:00:21.000 That's how you know the Buddhists are wrong.
02:00:22.000 They're wrong too.
02:00:23.000 Everybody's wrong.
02:00:24.000 You know why they're wrong?
02:00:24.000 No pussy.
02:00:25.000 That's simple.
02:00:26.000 Simple.
02:00:27.000 Have you ever had sex?
02:00:28.000 Yes.
02:00:28.000 Isn't it awesome?
02:00:29.000 Yes, it is.
02:00:29.000 They're not having something awesome.
02:00:31.000 If you live your life and you don't experience something that's one of the best things you can experience, you're missing out on one of the best parts about this life.
02:00:38.000 The idea is, well, it consumes you and you want to be free from that.
02:00:42.000 Listen.
02:00:43.000 Stop being a silly bitch.
02:00:45.000 Stop being a silly bitch.
02:00:46.000 It doesn't have to consume you.
02:00:47.000 That's like someone who's an alcoholic saying that no one should enjoy wine.
02:00:53.000 Right.
02:00:53.000 Well, that's not true because some people can have wine and then they get laughing and have a great conversation and have sex with someone they probably wouldn't have sex with.
02:01:01.000 Next thing you know.
02:01:02.000 Oh, Jed's a millionaire!
02:01:04.000 There's nothing wrong with wine, folks.
02:01:09.000 And that to me is like the litmus test of a healthy religion is their attitudes about sex.
02:01:13.000 Everything else is like...
02:01:15.000 But even that, there's some really weird...
02:01:17.000 I would join the Mormons before I would join any other religion, especially old school ones that had eight wives.
02:01:22.000 I think they knew how to rock it!
02:01:23.000 I would go down to Mexico and join up with the Mitt Romney's clan, take up guns against the cartels.
02:01:31.000 At least they had a bunch of wives.
02:01:33.000 I mean, it seems like no one can figure out the whole monogamy thing.
02:01:36.000 You look at the divorce rate in America, I think now it's 51%.
02:01:40.000 And for primates, it's zero.
02:01:44.000 It's zero monogamous primates.
02:01:46.000 Zero.
02:01:48.000 We're the only ones who pull it together.
02:01:50.000 We keep it together.
02:01:51.000 We'll keep it together for 100 years, then you die.
02:01:54.000 But if people live to be infinity, once Ray Kurzweil's ideas come to light and we have endless existences, by the time we get to that point, I bet we'll have some sort of artificial reality anyway that people will be enjoying more than regular reality anyway.
02:02:14.000 There'll be some World of Warcraft shit that you can plug your brain into.
02:02:18.000 Yeah.
02:02:19.000 The Matrix is real.
02:02:20.000 Do you ever follow simulation theory?
02:02:22.000 Follow any of these wacky motherfuckers?
02:02:25.000 Uh-uh.
02:02:25.000 Scary shit, man.
02:02:26.000 Yeah.
02:02:27.000 Because it's based on mathematics.
02:02:29.000 Right.
02:02:29.000 They're finding...
02:02:29.000 I'll Google it because I don't really understand it.
02:02:33.000 But they're finding these mathematical equations inside string theory.
02:02:39.000 And they're self-correcting.
02:02:42.000 And it's freaking people out.
02:02:44.000 Because they're very...
02:02:47.000 Let me pull this up here.
02:02:48.000 Self-correcting...
02:02:52.000 Yeah.
02:02:53.000 They're finding this type of self-correcting computer code that they've known about since, I believe it was like the 1940s.
02:03:05.000 And they're starting to find this in the equations of string theory.
02:03:09.000 It's really fucking confusing.
02:03:12.000 Because you don't understand...
02:03:14.000 Do you understand mathematics?
02:03:15.000 Do you understand what they're talking about when they say the equations of string theory?
02:03:18.000 Fuck no.
02:03:19.000 No idea.
02:03:19.000 I mean, math to me is one of the mysteries of the universe.
02:03:22.000 I'll do how to add in my head, to subtract, to do stuff that I actually use.
02:03:26.000 Anything else that's lost.
02:03:28.000 I think you either have it or you don't.
02:03:29.000 I think that's like a part of your brain that's either active or not.
02:03:33.000 Do you think it's a nurtured thing from childhood that like...
02:03:36.000 Some people get stimulated as a child, and they start pursuing that road, and then it becomes a part of their natural existence, and then it becomes normal to them?
02:03:43.000 I think it's how your brain thinks.
02:03:45.000 If you're a certain thought pattern, you don't get it as easy as somebody that's more number-driven.
02:03:55.000 Like architects.
02:03:56.000 If you look at an architect, most of them understand all this complex, crazy shit, but then you try to talk to them, and they're just the most...
02:04:04.000 One-sided, that they only understand architecture kind of thing.
02:04:08.000 I don't know.
02:04:10.000 Yeah, maybe.
02:04:11.000 Well, I certainly think if you look at the human race as being one big, crazy, giant organism, you would think that everybody would have a part in it in order for it to keep progressing, and that it wouldn't really work the right way if everybody was the same.
02:04:27.000 If everybody was the same, there really wouldn't be that much innovation.
02:04:31.000 Nothing would get done.
02:04:32.000 So...
02:04:33.000 It almost makes sense that you're going to have mathematical prodigies that can't run fast.
02:04:38.000 And then you're going to have dudes who are really awesome at space and distance and eye-hand coordination, but they just suck at putting numbers together.
02:04:47.000 Or they suck at driving.
02:04:49.000 That's not a good example.
02:04:51.000 It seems like if you accept the fact that human beings, the only way we work is we work together.
02:04:57.000 If you're a loner, if you're one of those Ted Kaczynski guys living in the woods, drinking your own piss, nobody trusts you.
02:05:04.000 Why would I trust some guy who's up there on the mountaintop and never comes down and talks to people?
02:05:11.000 If we accept that we all...
02:05:14.000 Without question, need each other.
02:05:16.000 Then you've got to think that it must have some sort of formula to it.
02:05:22.000 Which is why I like...
02:05:24.000 I always felt like if things got bad, you know, things got overpopulated or things got crazy, there's always going to be like disease.
02:05:32.000 There's going to be some spring back.
02:05:33.000 There's always going to be something that tries to stop it.
02:05:36.000 I mean, of course, limitless growth doesn't exist in nature.
02:05:39.000 You know what I mean?
02:05:40.000 It's just you can only go on for so long before eventually you hit your limits and you come crashing down.
02:05:46.000 It's just not going to...
02:05:48.000 You know, there's no animal species ever that can outstrip its resources.
02:05:53.000 It just doesn't work, right?
02:05:54.000 Because you run out of shit.
02:05:55.000 And we are smart, so we can come up like pushing the limits because we have a new technological innovation that allows us to get more out of less space and all of that.
02:06:03.000 So we've played a game well, but I mean you can only play it so long before eventually you don't come up with something brilliant in the next 100 years and then you're fucked.
02:06:12.000 Yeah, and when you look at how many people there are and how many people there used to be, that's crazy.
02:06:18.000 It's unreal.
02:06:19.000 We've grown so quick.
02:06:21.000 It's not that long.
02:06:23.000 We had Dr. Peter Duisburg on, who is the HIV guy who says that HIV doesn't cause AIDS. He was talking about the population in Africa tripling.
02:06:31.000 The population's tripled over the past 20 or 30 years, whatever the fuck it's been.
02:06:35.000 They started measuring it.
02:06:36.000 Not even that long ago.
02:06:37.000 If you think like something like the entire population of the United States in the year 1800, so 200, barely over 200 years, was about 5 million people.
02:06:50.000 It's not even all of LA today.
02:06:52.000 You know what I mean?
02:06:52.000 It's like less than the entire population.
02:06:55.000 That was the whole population of the US. Less than LA today.
02:06:59.000 Hey Brian, that's loud as fuck.
02:07:00.000 What are you doing, man?
02:07:03.000 What's going on out there?
02:07:06.000 A group of like 30 Asian women.
02:07:08.000 Oh, you son of a bitch.
02:07:09.000 Have a seat.
02:07:10.000 It's a 10-minute podcast.
02:07:14.000 But they're all just hanging out right next to the studio for some reason.
02:07:17.000 Is that what you were going to check on the noise?
02:07:19.000 Yes.
02:07:19.000 What the hell are these people?
02:07:21.000 But there's like seriously like 30 Asian women.
02:07:22.000 I'm going to check on the noise.
02:07:24.000 We've got an issue.
02:07:24.000 Check the noise from behind?
02:07:26.000 Check on the noise.
02:07:29.000 The...
02:07:32.000 They're loud as fuck.
02:07:33.000 Someone go stick a dick in their mouth.
02:07:35.000 All right.
02:07:35.000 Quickly.
02:07:36.000 Stop all that giggling.
02:07:37.000 Brian, it's your duty for all these podcast people.
02:07:40.000 What were we even talking about before we got interrupted besides computer theories and self-correcting?
02:07:47.000 Oh, population.
02:07:48.000 Population growth.
02:07:49.000 It was 5 million, is that what you said?
02:07:50.000 Yeah.
02:07:50.000 200 years ago?
02:07:51.000 5 million in the year 1800. Fucking A. That's insane.
02:07:55.000 That's a lot, though.
02:07:56.000 If you really stop and think about it, that's incredible.
02:07:58.000 They come over on boats and horses.
02:07:59.000 There's five million of them.
02:08:01.000 That's after 200 years of colonization, which you start at the very beginning.
02:08:06.000 You're really talking about so few people.
02:08:10.000 I don't know, man.
02:08:11.000 Overpopulation is one of the things that nobody wants to talk about because it's uncomfortable.
02:08:15.000 Because what are you going to do?
02:08:15.000 Tell people they can't have how many kids they want?
02:08:18.000 That's not a very nice thing to do.
02:08:20.000 And at the same time, you kind of have to at some point because you can't possibly keep growing forever.
02:08:26.000 And eugenics is a really horrible subject.
02:08:29.000 You can never bring that up.
02:08:31.000 You never bring the idea up that you need to cull the population.
02:08:34.000 Even though that's a natural part of nature, is that the strong survive.
02:08:37.000 I mean, the whole Chinese model of if you have more than one kid, well, bashing on the head is effective, but it's not exactly the most democratic thing in the universe.
02:08:45.000 Well, it's also not good for your ideas of humanity.
02:08:48.000 When we talk about human rights violations and poor living conditions, China is right up there on that list as you look down at your Chinese-made iPhone.
02:09:00.000 What a motherfucker that is.
02:09:02.000 What a motherfucker it is that the minerals that came from even worse conditions.
02:09:08.000 Some poor African kid digging a hole in the ground.
02:09:11.000 And you need that shit in order to make a cell phone.
02:09:14.000 Yep.
02:09:14.000 While you're Googling in Manhattan, sitting on the corner, looking out the window, the chain of what's happened, to get that phone into your hand, it's dirty business at the very end of the chain.
02:09:28.000 Definitely.
02:09:29.000 It's fucked up, man.
02:09:31.000 And we don't do anything about that.
02:09:34.000 Well, we need to get those Chinese people more money.
02:09:37.000 I don't care if you gave them $1,000 a month, which is insane and unheard of.
02:09:41.000 That's still not going to allow them to get the fuck out of there and improve.
02:09:46.000 They're stuck.
02:09:48.000 That's why it cracks me up when I see women with the big giant diamond ring of engagement and shit, and I'm like, okay, that's about, what, 27 Nigerian kids or 28?
02:09:59.000 Yeah, and not only that, that shit's in warehouses.
02:10:03.000 They've got the diamond people, they've got that shit locked down.
02:10:06.000 They're so brilliant, those diamond people.
02:10:08.000 They've managed to get people to pay for stupid little shiny rocks and pay...
02:10:13.000 Incredible money!
02:10:14.000 I remember that commercial that they used to have.
02:10:17.000 Isn't three-month salary a small price to pay for a lifetime?
02:10:23.000 Three months!
02:10:24.000 For a rock.
02:10:26.000 I want you to work for three months!
02:10:28.000 For one rock.
02:10:29.000 Three months should be like a house, okay?
02:10:32.000 In the old homesteading days, if you worked for three months, you built a house.
02:10:37.000 Three months for a fucking shiny rock.
02:10:40.000 Holy shit.
02:10:42.000 Which, by the way, you can make it just as shiny, look in the exact same way, and you have to look through a glass to make sure it's not the original, but no, it's not real.
02:10:49.000 It's one of my favorite things about the rap culture is like big giant diamond encrusted necklaces and diamond chains and diamonds on the rings and diamonds on their teeth and diamonds in their ears.
02:11:01.000 I love the bounce back from poverty to extreme wealth and how...
02:11:07.000 You know, how flashy they are.
02:11:10.000 To me, one of the most fascinating aspects of humanity is the really over-showy rap guys throwing money on each other and standing in front of Ferraris, flexing their diamond rings.
02:11:22.000 I fucking love it, man.
02:11:24.000 I love it.
02:11:25.000 Check it, bitch!
02:11:28.000 It's so fascinating.
02:11:31.000 And then there's people that are of old wealth, like Prince Charles, who would think that would be garish behavior and beyond embarrassing.
02:11:40.000 I would love to see a reality show where Little Wayne had to live with Prince Charles.
02:11:48.000 And Lil Wayne gets Prince Charles high as fuck and they go play polo.
02:11:55.000 Playing polo with flavor.
02:11:56.000 And if Prince Charles talks any shit, Lil Wayne goes, you know they can't save you.
02:12:01.000 You know they can't save you, right?
02:12:03.000 Who are you talking to?
02:12:04.000 No one.
02:12:05.000 Did you ever see that interview where he's talking to the guy?
02:12:08.000 They're doing an interrogation of him for some fucking subpoena or something like that.
02:12:13.000 I don't know.
02:12:13.000 They're questioning him.
02:12:15.000 And the guy's asking him a bunch of stupid questions.
02:12:17.000 So he gets gangster with the guy.
02:12:19.000 And he goes, you know he can't save you.
02:12:21.000 In the real world, he can't save you.
02:12:23.000 I'm just letting you know.
02:12:25.000 And the guy's like, are you threatening me?
02:12:26.000 He goes, no, not at all.
02:12:27.000 Just letting you know.
02:12:28.000 He can't save you.
02:12:30.000 It's like, it's really creepy.
02:12:32.000 Guy's got tattoos on his face and fucking, giant rings, son!
02:12:36.000 Yep.
02:12:37.000 From the street!
02:12:38.000 Do you have people in your school that come from varying economic backgrounds?
02:12:44.000 Oh, yeah.
02:12:44.000 You see the difference between people that come from, like, really poor countries and made it to America and really appreciate the fucking shit out of it more than these sloppy people from Orange County that are living in Irvine their whole life, never even seen a bullet?
02:12:55.000 Yeah.
02:12:56.000 Yeah, man, I mean, there's both.
02:12:58.000 That's what makes it fun.
02:12:59.000 You get people of, especially community college, it's awesome because you get people of all ages, you get people literally of every religion, you name it, you know, so you find all sorts of from the guy who's coming straight from South Central who tells you, I'm sorry I got in here late, but they lock up my block because they shot some dude under my house and they're like,
02:13:17.000 fuck, okay, that's what you come to school with.
02:13:21.000 And the one was straight out of Beverly Hills.
02:13:25.000 It's hilarious.
02:13:26.000 Really?
02:13:27.000 You guys sit in the same class?
02:13:29.000 You see those Compton dudes hook up with those Beverly Hills chicks?
02:13:32.000 Usually not.
02:13:33.000 No?
02:13:33.000 No.
02:13:34.000 Some of them want to take a trip to the dark side.
02:13:36.000 Especially when they're in school and they're experimenting.
02:13:39.000 Experiencing someone from a different culture.
02:13:41.000 I'm just so amazed by these urban environments that you grew up in.
02:13:47.000 Is there a theme to today?
02:13:49.000 I think there might be.
02:13:50.000 I need to jerk off before I do this podcast.
02:13:52.000 The most satisfying aspect of teaching for you is what?
02:13:57.000 It's the interaction with the people.
02:13:59.000 Interacting with students is fun.
02:14:01.000 That's one of those moments where...
02:14:02.000 Like, really?
02:14:03.000 Somebody pay me to talk about stuff I like with people who are cool?
02:14:07.000 Are you kidding me?
02:14:08.000 I mean, which lottery did I win?
02:14:09.000 This is too cool to be through.
02:14:11.000 So you're doing that as well with your podcast.
02:14:14.000 For those who don't know, it's called A Drunken Taoist.
02:14:17.000 And Taoist is spelled with a T, you fucking imbeciles.
02:14:21.000 Undereducated Americans.
02:14:23.000 And you could go to iTunes and it's in the philosophy section, right?
02:14:27.000 Is that where it's at?
02:14:28.000 Yeah, that cracked me up.
02:14:29.000 They, in philosophy, after two episodes, were, like, for a few days, were number one in philosophy, which, granted, the fact is probably the other three people in that category are people who are broadcasting out of their mom's basement, discussing the subtle differences between Hegel and Aristotle,
02:14:45.000 but still, it's still first in something.
02:14:48.000 That was fun.
02:14:48.000 That's amazing.
02:14:49.000 And that's after how many weeks?
02:14:51.000 It was, like, the second episode.
02:14:52.000 So, you know, then you get the bounce.
02:14:54.000 After a few days, it goes down and all of that.
02:14:56.000 But for a few days, we were, like, number one.
02:14:58.000 I'm like, shit.
02:14:58.000 This is awesome.
02:14:59.000 How does the iTunes, how do they measure?
02:15:02.000 They have two different things.
02:15:04.000 They have it by episode.
02:15:05.000 So whichever episode I think in that week had the most hits.
02:15:09.000 So of course all the more recent ones tend to be the more popular one because more people have listed in that week.
02:15:14.000 And then they have a general, I think, podcast history or something where they measure the average after so many episodes.
02:15:19.000 But I don't know exactly how to keep their statistics.
02:15:22.000 It's subscribers, new subscribers, new comments, new downloads.
02:15:27.000 You know what else it is?
02:15:28.000 Crashed.
02:15:29.000 iTunes is fucking crashed right now, god damn it.
02:15:32.000 Apple, I think.
02:15:34.000 Application not responding, Brian.
02:15:35.000 Have you not upgraded to your Snow Leopard yet?
02:15:37.000 Listen, son of a bitch.
02:15:38.000 I like to keep shit old school.
02:15:41.000 I'm tired of them with the updates.
02:15:43.000 It's working fine, stupid.
02:15:45.000 Stop changing things and allowing the government to look at my emails and see my dick pictures that I send myself.
02:15:52.000 More dick.
02:15:55.000 I'm bored.
02:15:56.000 Look, folks, I'm not going to lie to you.
02:15:58.000 We might have got a little high before the show.
02:15:59.000 I'm not going to lie to you.
02:16:00.000 Some of this might be silly.
02:16:01.000 That never happens.
02:16:02.000 Never!
02:16:03.000 Why would you say that?
02:16:04.000 Not with Daniele Bolelli.
02:16:05.000 Never.
02:16:06.000 That is one advantage, though, that you must have with the ladies, is that accent, man.
02:16:09.000 Chicks love a good European, French, English, something along those lines.
02:16:14.000 But Italian?
02:16:15.000 Oof.
02:16:16.000 That's pretty good, right?
02:16:17.000 Very unfair advantage, I must think.
02:16:19.000 You think?
02:16:19.000 Yes.
02:16:20.000 Wow, look at that.
02:16:20.000 He's being honest with us.
02:16:21.000 You went to good grade.
02:16:23.000 I'm going to look under philosophy, see where you're at right now.
02:16:25.000 Do you know?
02:16:26.000 No, I didn't check in a few days.
02:16:28.000 I don't even see philosophy.
02:16:29.000 I see religion and spirituality, science and medicine...
02:16:32.000 It's under society and culture.
02:16:34.000 Society and culture.
02:16:35.000 I think within that day of philosophy.
02:16:37.000 That seems like life.
02:16:38.000 Yeah.
02:16:38.000 How can you have society and culture?
02:16:40.000 I mean, we could have an MMA podcast and it could be under society and culture.
02:16:43.000 That was actually the funny thing in the first...
02:16:45.000 I'm in there.
02:16:46.000 Yeah, precisely.
02:16:48.000 I'm under society and culture.
02:16:49.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
02:16:51.000 Society.
02:16:51.000 Culture.
02:16:52.000 Suck it.
02:16:52.000 That's why this kind of...
02:16:54.000 The tags are ridiculous.
02:16:56.000 Because they are like...
02:16:57.000 It's about...
02:16:57.000 Most of it, unless you are really dedicating a podcast specifically to one issue, it's about life.
02:17:02.000 That's what it boils down to.
02:17:04.000 As it should be, right?
02:17:06.000 Yeah.
02:17:06.000 As it should be.
02:17:07.000 The name of the podcast, again, is Drunken Taoist.
02:17:12.000 And I can't find it in here.
02:17:13.000 What...
02:17:14.000 I can't find philosophy.
02:17:15.000 Is there a specific section that says philosophy?
02:17:18.000 Oh, here it is.
02:17:19.000 Philosophy.
02:17:20.000 You got it?
02:17:20.000 Yeah, there it goes.
02:17:21.000 It's a subsection of a subsection.
02:17:25.000 Yay!
02:17:25.000 I was, for a few days, the first in a subsection of a subsection, but I'm not anymore.
02:17:31.000 That's pretty dope.
02:17:32.000 What number are you right now?
02:17:33.000 I have no idea.
02:17:34.000 It was like six a few days ago, but I'm sure it bounced out because we haven't had a new one in a few days.
02:17:39.000 We're going to change that shit for you.
02:17:41.000 We're going to find it.
02:17:42.000 I can't find it.
02:17:43.000 I don't know where it is.
02:17:43.000 But it's Drunken Taoist.
02:17:45.000 T-A-O-I-S-T. You heard me.
02:17:50.000 That's how you spell it, you freaks.
02:17:52.000 I'll put a link up to it on Twitter.
02:17:55.000 Awesome, man.
02:17:56.000 Thanks so much.
02:17:56.000 My brother, thank you very much, man.
02:17:57.000 Another fun and fascinating podcast.
02:17:59.000 Always fun.
02:18:00.000 The Drunken Taoist, Daniele Bolelli.
02:18:02.000 You're a good man, Daniele.
02:18:03.000 Always good to talk to you, brother.
02:18:04.000 Thank you, Joe.
02:18:04.000 If there's ever anything we could do for you, if anything you want to promote, please let us know.
02:18:09.000 Thank you to everybody tuning into the podcast.
02:18:11.000 Thanks to all the positive energy and all the love and all the information that you guys give me and the feedback and all that shit.
02:18:19.000 We're getting through this all together and I would not be able to do it without you and I would not have the same feeling without all the love and all the positive reactions and all the positive response that we get.
02:18:31.000 We appreciate the fuck out of it and I know Brian does and I know Everybody else does.
02:18:35.000 Joey and Ari and Duncan.
02:18:36.000 We talk about it all the time.
02:18:37.000 We love the fuck out of you guys.
02:18:39.000 Thank you very much.
02:18:40.000 Thanks to all the sponsors.
02:18:42.000 You know who the fuck you are.
02:18:43.000 I'm not saying you at the end anymore.
02:18:44.000 God damn it.
02:18:45.000 But go to deskquad.tv.
02:18:48.000 That's Brian's site.
02:18:49.000 And that's how you get yourself one of those sweet, psychedelic kitty cat t-shirts that I see at all the shows now.
02:18:55.000 And I saw them in Montreal.
02:18:56.000 It was fucking awesome.
02:18:57.000 It's beautiful.
02:18:58.000 When I look out there in that audience and I see those Desquad shirts, I know them and I'm in You're in family.
02:19:05.000 I'm with family.
02:19:06.000 It's like the Olive Garden.
02:19:08.000 This motherfucker.
02:19:09.000 That was his long game.
02:19:12.000 That was his checkmate from a long distance.
02:19:15.000 I'm going to be in San Diego Wednesday with Doug Benson now.
02:19:18.000 Powerful.
02:19:18.000 American Comedy Co.
02:19:19.000 Beautiful.
02:19:20.000 And I will be here with Joey Diaz Wednesday night, the night before Thanksgiving, at the Ice House Comedy Club.
02:19:27.000 We've got a 10 o'clock show.
02:19:28.000 Greg Fitzsimmons is going to be there.
02:19:30.000 Adam Hunter, who wrote that joke that I got in trouble, telling on FX. I did really get in trouble.
02:19:35.000 It caused a commotion.
02:19:37.000 I said a joke that Adam Hunter had a really funny joke about Martin Kampmann.
02:19:42.000 He said, Martin from behind.
02:19:43.000 Look, it's a funny fucking joke.
02:19:45.000 I shouldn't have said it because there's children listening.
02:19:49.000 I didn't even think about it.
02:19:49.000 I'm an idiot.
02:19:50.000 I'm a comedian, okay?
02:19:51.000 But what bothers me is that people called it homophobic.
02:19:55.000 That is not a homophobic joke, okay?
02:19:58.000 Because anything that's gay, if you mention something gay, it's automatically deemed to be negative.
02:20:04.000 You're not even supposed to joke about things that are gay, or gay sex, or anyone that's gay, because if you do, somehow it's a negative.
02:20:12.000 I say, fuck you.
02:20:14.000 I say, that's stupid.
02:20:15.000 That is absolutely ridiculous.
02:20:17.000 Everything is on the table as long as you have good intentions.
02:20:22.000 My intention was only to make people laugh.
02:20:24.000 And it was because Adam Hunter is a funny dude.
02:20:27.000 And he'll be on the show Wednesday.
02:20:29.000 As well as, like I said, Greg Fitzsimmons, Joey Diaz, Sam Tripoli is going to be there.
02:20:33.000 And we'll find some other cool guys that are in town that are local stand-ups.
02:20:40.000 But 10 o'clock, 15 bucks at the Ice House.
02:20:41.000 Go to icehousecomedy.com.
02:20:43.000 And come down to see us.
02:20:44.000 And Brian Redband has been added to the fabulous Austin, Texas show at the Moody Theater December 1st.
02:20:52.000 A lot of you fucks, you're like, God, I want to see him in person.
02:20:54.000 So excited.
02:20:56.000 I hear about his loads.
02:20:58.000 Frothy loads.
02:21:00.000 Yeah, we're going to have a good time.
02:21:01.000 That's December 1st at the Moody Theater in Austin, Texas.
02:21:05.000 And I will be there with Joey Diaz and Duncan Trussell's coming as well.
02:21:08.000 So it should be a hell of a fucking show.
02:21:10.000 Yeah, we're going to have a good fucking time, Texas.
02:21:13.000 And that's where we're setting up Camp Rogan.
02:21:15.000 That's where Death Squad Survival Camp's going to be.
02:21:18.000 We're going to have a fucking fenced-in area and keep live animals in there.
02:21:23.000 Folks, I'm rambling.
02:21:24.000 It's official again.
02:21:25.000 That's when it's time to shut the music off.
02:21:27.000 I will see you guys tomorrow with Les Stroud.
02:21:30.000 Survivorman is going to be here tomorrow.
02:21:32.000 Fuck yes.
02:21:33.000 I'm very exciting.
02:21:34.000 I'm very Brazilian.
02:21:36.000 I'm very exciting for you.
02:21:39.000 Butcher in my own fucking language.
02:21:40.000 It's not my language, goddammit.
02:21:41.000 I'm not claiming it.
02:21:42.000 Les Stroud from Survivorman.
02:21:44.000 And he's going to bring his band.
02:21:46.000 Well, at least some people to play with him because he's got some music that's being released.
02:21:51.000 And he's just an all-around cool motherfucker.
02:21:54.000 I can't wait to talk to him.
02:21:55.000 And then Wednesday, one of the funniest guys in the country, Greg Proops, is going to be joining us.
02:21:59.000 And that will be our final podcast for the week before the lovely holiday of Thanksgiving where we all celebrate syphilis-covered blankets.
02:22:09.000 I shouldn't have said that.
02:22:11.000 Good night, everybody!
02:22:12.000 It's over!
02:22:14.000 Kiss your mother!
02:22:15.000 Hug your neighbors!
02:22:17.000 Pet your dog!
02:22:18.000 Spread that love, you sons of bitches!
02:22:21.000 See you soon!
02:22:52.000 Thank you.