In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience podcast, the boys talk about the new sponsor, Kerosene Games, and how much they're charging you to play Bladeslinger, a new iPad game that's available for 99 cents.
00:00:24.000We're fucked if we do, fucked if we don't.
00:00:26.000The Joe Rogan Experience podcast is brought to you by Kerosene Games.
00:00:30.000Kerosene Games is one of our newest sponsors.
00:00:32.000And one of the things that me and Brian sort of committed to when we started doing this podcast was to make sure that we didn't ever get advertised by anybody that we don't believe in.
00:00:41.000Don't just take someone's money if you think their product is dog shit or if you would never use it yourself.
00:00:47.000And so when we add somebody like Kerosene Games, it's kind of a big deal for us.
00:00:53.000They just seem like a really cool company.
00:00:56.000First of all, they're trying to make really badass games for iPhones and iPads.
00:01:01.000And they're coming out with Android devices most likely in January, possibly in February.
00:01:05.000So those nice, like, which could be really incredible, like those Galaxy S3s or those Samsung Galaxy Note 2, those huge ones.
00:01:17.000And they're designed specifically for these sort of touchscreen devices, very intuitive controls, which is a lot better than a game that you would get that's like made to a PC first, but then sort of ported over.
00:01:30.000So these, it's just a much better way to do it.
00:01:34.000And Kerosene Games is concentrating on doing just that.
00:03:09.000And what Onit is, we don't have a name for what kind of company this is, because what we're trying to do is we're just trying to sell you all things badass.
00:03:20.000Anything that's good for you, anything that's healthy, anything that promotes cognitive function or athletic performance or anything that can enhance your fitness, anything that's good for your body.
00:03:48.000That's how we feel about these blend tech blenders and kettlebells and battle ropes and everything.
00:03:53.000GreastFed is all somebody told me today you could put coffee beans in a blend tech blender and like grind it up, you know, if you don't have a, no, if you don't have a coffee grinder.
00:04:06.000And so I put a whole bag of coffee in there.
00:05:40.000Like, imagine having like your neighbors, if you live in an apartment complex and you have a blend type blender, you're doing kale all day long, they probably fucking hate you.
00:05:47.000Yeah, if you're one of those 6 a.m. fitness douchebags, wants to get up, show everybody how badass you are by running at 6 a.m.
00:07:53.000It's been pronounced wrong many times.
00:07:54.000Yeah, it's funny, but parents from other countries with very unusual last names like Schwarzenegger, the amount of pressure they must have to change their name into something that the American people can pronounce are sloppy ass bitches.
00:09:15.000And some guys, those mental lapses sort of define their careers because they have a lot of talent, but for whatever reason, they can never put it together.
00:09:40.000You know, one day I was, I actually was watching a Martin fight and I saw a lapse in his eyes where he was kind of looking one way and then he was kind of lackadaisical for a minute and he got put away.
00:11:00.000So when you, a guy who is a professional poker player, a non-fighter, goes as far as to say that you saw the actual moment where a guy like Martin Campman, who's a fucking professional killer, you know what I'm saying?
00:11:15.000I mean, Martin Cam is a bad motherfucker.
00:11:17.000So for you to bring that up and for him to accept it, first of all, it shows that he's a smart dude.
00:14:13.000I mean, he might get as high as like 180 come fight time.
00:14:17.000And then when you're 180 and you're swollen up with blood, like when you're pumped because you're in like a brutal fight and you look at him sometimes, you go, how the fuck is that guy 155?
00:14:40.000No, see, you were talking earlier about, you know, it's hard to tell a fighter as a killer what to do.
00:14:45.000But I try to separate the two completely because I'm a big MMA fan.
00:14:48.000I've watched like every UFC for probably four years.
00:14:50.000And I can't, like, as much as I want to chime in about technique or whatever, I know that, you know, that's just not my field of expertise.
00:19:40.000Like the laws that apply to normal humans.
00:19:43.000Just think about what Joey has done, and here he is, fine, healthy, still alive, and made a baby recently.
00:19:48.000Now, stop and think about the average human being, if they had to go through Joey Diaz's life.
00:19:53.000If you had to go through Joey Diaz's life and take all the drugs that he took, find yourself in all the situations you find, good luck reaching 50.
00:20:14.000What if Joey Diaz was a robot and when he goes home, his whole body opens up and the smaller little Jewish guy comes out and goes, hey, how's it going?
00:21:35.000That's a sad thing, though, when you see someone who's lost their marble so bad that they eat themselves into oblivion.
00:21:42.000When you read about people that get stuck in trailers and they've got to cut a hole through the wall to pull their couch out and they're like embedded into the couch, it's fucked to know that people can go that far off the rails.
00:23:05.000And on it should get on top of magnesium because he said the thing is that you don't have it in daily multi-vitamins because it would be so big of a pill because you have to take it all day long.
00:26:37.000They're always coming up with some incredible shit that just makes you go, how did this even happen?
00:26:43.000Well, I always find it interesting to look back and be like, oh, well, 20 years ago or whatever, a long time ago, lobotomies were considered normal, right?
00:26:51.000Like how it changes, how science changes.
00:26:57.000I would like to think that we're way past that.
00:26:59.000I would like to think that we're way past the lobotomy stage.
00:27:04.000I would like to think that they pretty much know exactly what everything does as far as what the negative health benefit or repercussions are.
00:27:13.000But then you see pharmaceutical drugs and you find out that's not really the case.
00:27:16.000You see every week some new thing gets fucking yanked off the shelves for all kinds of.
00:27:22.000I mean, they do a lot of good, though, too.
00:27:25.000I mean, there's a lot of people that are alive because of pharmaceutical drugs.
00:27:29.000There's a lot of people that have illnesses and it literally keeps them alive.
00:27:34.000I had back surgery a couple years ago and the pain pills they have are amazing.
00:33:04.000I'm not like being defensive, and there's John Sarno fans will jump in right now and go, come on, man, you're not even giving a fucking chance.
00:33:12.000I will read the book, and I will read the book with a 100% open mind.
00:33:16.000But you can't tell me that that injury happened because of my mind or that there's pain because of my mind, because I'm not really like a weirdo.
00:33:24.000And I'm not buying that shit, all right?
00:33:26.000I don't have this like self-hating thing going on.
00:33:30.000I don't have any tension as far as my life goes that I'm carrying in my back.
00:33:34.000No, I tried to get out of something and I hurt my back.
00:33:37.000Like, this is like tissue, and it tears.
00:34:28.000But if you want to carry the logic of thinking that your mind controls pain and actual injuries aren't real or are created by your own mind, well, you got to carry that all the way, bitch.
00:34:39.000You got to take that all the way and say the universe is something that you're creating in your own mind.
00:34:43.000Because you're talking about physical reality being manifested by the imagination and your intent.
00:34:48.000Okay, well, just because it's your body doesn't mean it's any less crazy voodoo talk.
00:34:54.000And I'm not saying it's wrong, but I'm saying if you believe that, you really should take it to the utmost and say, well, we're living in a fucking dream.
00:35:01.000Okay, life is your imagination manifested in some sort of a representation of a true form, but there is no true form behind it.
00:36:30.000And I say, listen, man, you knew what the fuck you were getting into.
00:36:32.000If you're a professional backrub guy and you guys don't have like a website or something, we can go and tell about which guys want to get jerked off, okay?
00:36:41.000If you don't have that by now and Travolta's been coming to you for 20 years, that's on you, okay?
00:36:46.000You guys need to either accept the job, you know what he wants, he wants you to jerk him off.
00:40:11.000Somewhere in her life, some guy probably, if not said it, at least thought, I hope that bitch winds up old and homeless and living on the street with no one to love her.
00:40:53.000Yeah, but Cat Williams is in this trailer, and it makes me wonder if this whole Cat Williams thing was some brilliant fucking marketing thing.
00:41:01.000Because if you look at it, it's like a minute trailer.
00:41:03.000You want to look at it, and Cat Williams is in it.
00:41:05.000If you want to play it, look, I'm a big Cat Williams fan, and when I see Cat Williams getting in trouble and all this shit, you know why that drives me nuts?
00:41:13.000Because I want to hear some new stand-up.
00:41:15.000I think that guy's a brilliant comedian.
00:47:00.000Yeah, he was the guy that there was a movie that was written about, or that was made about stand-up called When Stand-Up Stood Out.
00:47:08.000And he was the guy that really changed the whole face of the Boston scene because he got discovered.
00:47:14.000And when he got discovered, they were putting him on television all the time.
00:47:16.000And then all of a sudden, everybody else wanted to get discovered too.
00:47:18.000And it sort of changed it from everybody was just going out and trying to kill, just be the funniest people you could, to everybody wanting to try to get a TV deal.
00:47:25.000So he sort of, by his success, unfortunately, tanked the entire Boston.
00:47:30.000He was the first step in the entire Boston comedy scene slowly degenerating over time.
00:47:36.000I don't get Steven right in my face, though.
00:47:37.000Like, you know how you get Louis C.K. everywhere he goes.
00:47:39.000Louis C.K., you know, David Towell and stuff, but I don't see him at all.
00:47:43.000Well, one of the reasons is he was not nearly as prolific as Louis.
00:47:47.000One of the things that's so amazing about Louis is not just that he's funny, but that he's so prolific.
00:47:52.000Like Louis puts out a whole new hour every year and he's constantly writing.
00:47:57.000And because of that, if you're a fan, like I'm a fan of Stephen Wright, but when was the last time I saw Stephen Wright special?
00:48:04.000When was the last time, you know, I downloaded one of his MP3s?
00:48:08.000It's very, very rare because he only has a certain body of work, and I'm through with that.
00:48:14.000Whereas with a guy like Louie, if you're a fan, you're continually refreshed with new stuff.
00:48:20.000Like every year, you're going to get a whole new hour.
00:48:22.000You're going to get all these interviews in between.
00:48:24.000So it's like the relationship between the fan and the comedian, like it makes sense.
00:48:28.000It doesn't make sense that I'm still fans with Stephen Wright or fans of Stephen Wright, but I haven't heard any of this shit in a long time.
00:48:34.000But if he was like a dude like Louie that was like banging it out every year, like an hour every year, yeah, you would hear about him everywhere.
00:50:01.000So do you, all through like heavy training, you're there?
00:50:05.000Yeah, I mean, I don't go to his gym that much.
00:50:08.000I went to Extreme Couture a couple times and just kind of hung out and just saw his body language and stuff like that.
00:50:13.000But mostly it's just on the phone or I'll go over to his house and we'll kind of chat it out and see what's on his mind and just try to get it off there.
00:50:20.000And did you develop a course for how you handle this kind of stuff?
00:50:27.000I don't even know what I'm doing sometimes.
00:50:29.000So you just have some really good ideas about being able to be in the moment.
00:50:33.000Yeah, the bottom line is just getting them present.
00:50:35.000That's the only thing that I'm concerned about.
00:50:37.000It's just getting them to the point where they're not thinking about their ex or whatever's on their mind, where they can just be in that cage and all that matters is what's in front of them.
00:50:45.000Because if they go, if they, like I said, we talked about it before, one second away from the moment, they're gone.
00:52:45.000Because mostly they're getting something out of it.
00:52:47.000That's the reason why they keep doing it.
00:52:49.000Even a traumatic experience or something bad, they're getting something out of it, whether it be people feeling bad for them or whatever it is for them.
00:52:55.000They'll be getting something out of it.
00:52:56.000Until they can let that go and end that game and move on, it's like Groundhog Day.
00:53:19.000When someone has just got that thing where they'll get sober for a couple months and then they fuck up and then they're, you know, it's like literally like they're stuck in like a, and you're like, what are you doing?
00:53:31.000Like, why are you in this little track?
00:55:17.000Like for a regular person, like you say, if you like to play basketball, if you have a one-on-one game with a guy and you're pretty sure you could beat him, but you fuck up some clutch shots and you, that is, you know, it doesn't feel good.
00:55:41.000Because, you know, look, we all have egos one way or another, mostly.
00:55:45.000But with fighting, it's like you're losing in front of that many people, and you've got to go back to the drawing board.
00:55:49.000You know, you're not going to get a title shot now for a couple fights.
00:55:52.000You know, Martin was right there, you know.
00:55:54.000Yeah, especially if you're in a situation where you don't like the guy, and you guys have a lot of emotions invested in the fight, and then the guy goes out and KOs you.
00:56:38.000If you order for you to execute the technique in the best way and to not have all this extra baggage attached to your performance.
00:56:46.000Because what people don't understand is that this is a very important thing.
00:56:49.000Your mind, and I know this specifically because I've spent so much time in sensory deprivation tanks.
00:56:56.000This is a really big, big, big thing in my life is the ability to separate and get a look at what the fuck is really going on with all of your thoughts and all of your intentions when you're by yourself with no distractions.
00:57:16.000Because if you have any distractions, so a distraction is an unnecessary element to a situation.
00:57:22.000If there's a situation and there's all this ego attached with you and this guy fighting that did not need to be there, well you've you've added, you might still beat the guy, but you've added a layer of difficulty to this equation that didn't exist before.
00:57:42.000The thing about the isolation tank is that you really truly understand when your body is separated from any sensory input, how much resources are going to that.
00:57:55.000Because if you have to deal, your mind is managing space as you're moving around, like bumping into objects and opening doors.
00:58:02.000And your mind is managing all this as well as communicating with people.
00:58:05.000And you don't feel like you're in any way taxed or stressed.
00:58:09.000But when you're in an environment where there's none of that going on, the sensory deprivation tank being at the same temperature as your skin, you're floating in there.
00:58:17.000So there's nothing coming into your skin.
00:58:18.000Your skin, you feel like you're flying through the universe.
00:59:32.000But the level of sophistication and technology that this crazy motherfucker puts in to his shit crashes systems are like a hundred years in the future.
00:59:43.000The amount of filtration that's in them, the ozone, and no one else is anywhere near what he's doing.
00:59:49.000He put in this giant control panel and how to get it hardwired into the room where the tank is.
00:59:58.000It's eight feet high and six feet wide, nine feet long.
01:00:02.000Yeah, I mean, it's a gigantic fucking thing.
01:00:04.000I mean, he takes everything to this crazy.
01:00:08.000So now the newest versions of the tanks, the experience is still the same.
01:00:12.000He just wants to make sure that the water is as pure as it can be, the distractions are as minimal, there's no light that gets in at all.
01:00:18.000But when you have this experience on a regular basis, it puts into perspective why people do certain things where they just keep doing a momentum and impulse, like pull into Dunkin' Donuts or get some fucking horrible fatty foods and stuff your face, and you just fill a hole for a second, and then you're like, fuck, I'm going to go to the gym tonight.
01:00:39.000And then you keep repeating this pattern.
01:00:41.000But note that you're repeating it with actions.
01:00:44.000That's what's really strange because actions also require resources.
01:00:49.000And when you have an issue, when you have something that's fucking with your mind, a lot of times you will eat up the resources so that you don't have to deal with it because the pressure of dealing with it is scary to you.
01:00:59.000So you create this sort of artificial situation by actions.
01:01:06.000Time, whether it's just doing, sitting down and concentrating on your breathing and just trying to clear your mind or actually doing something or even hiking.
01:01:15.000A lot of people think hiking is like a meditative sort of a breathing thing because as you're moving, you're completely concentrating on that and your life sort of goes away and the stress of it all sort of goes away.
01:01:28.000You know how he's like, he rents them out for an hour or so?
01:01:32.000He should mix like massage with flotation tank.
01:01:36.000Imagine just laying there and having another girl like in a bathing suit, just giving you like a real Thai massage while in the flotation tank.
01:05:26.000Well, you're just hoping for a different type of Down syndrome animal.
01:05:30.000You're not hoping for like a, you know, normal Down syndrome animals or an animal with a disease.
01:05:35.000For you, it's like, well, it's a magical Down syndrome animal that's happy all the time.
01:05:39.000Well, if we can clone them, if they're doing cloning now, animal clonings.
01:05:42.000I mean, if you can clone your dog, it should be all right to clone a retarded dolphin that you can keep in an aquarium that doesn't squeak.
01:06:04.000If you could fuck an animal and get it pregnant, for sure, there would be human-animal hybrids all over the world of everything, of gorillas.
01:06:14.000You would go, how the fuck did this happen?
01:06:18.000Some dude fucked a zebra, roped it, held it down, shot, not only that, when it was ovulating, shot a load into it, came, and not just fucked it, but came.
01:06:28.000I mean, we were talking about before the show, like when you've been dating a girl for a long time, like if you're bored with sex, like if you're not like sexually compatible, you can get in those situations where you don't even really want to have sex with them anymore.
01:06:40.000We were talking about like when you're pretending you're fucking somebody else, like while you're bone, you're close your eyes like, oh, yeah.
01:06:46.000Thinking about some chick that you used to bone.
01:06:48.000You're getting actual real sex, but you're pretending to get sex from a different person because that's the only way you're going to get off.
01:07:44.000Dogs would be like, it would be like that movie District 9 where those aliens came down and they had to fucking figure out what to do with them.
01:07:52.000That would be the human dog population because there would be so many human dogs.
01:07:56.000They would be like, don't fuck your dogs.
01:07:57.000They'd be like big billboards with a dick and a dog and a big red line through it.
01:08:08.000If a person could get a parrot pregnant, there would be people-parrot hybrids, and they would be flying around our cities all day, snatching purses and throwing shit at people.
01:08:18.000If people could make hybrids with parrots, those motherfuckers would be like prisoners flying in the sky, dropping rocks on people's heads, killing them and shit.
01:08:27.000I guarantee you there would be a person-pigeon.
01:08:29.000You would look at it and go, how the fuck did that even happen?
01:08:31.000But there would be a half-person, half-pigeon, like a foot and a half tall, all fucking pissed off and fucked up feet, fucked up pigeon feet and shit.
01:08:41.000If people could get everything pregnant, we would get everything pregnant.
01:09:13.000I would suck my own dick and fuck my mouth and get my own pregnant and then it would just spin in a circle like a cartwheel going down the street and something like that.
01:09:19.000And it'd be like two mirrors looking into each other forever.
01:09:25.000It'd be two mirrors facing each other to oblivion of you blowing yourself in a spinning circle like you're in one of those cartoon wheels going down the hill like one guy holding another guy's foot or a dog biting its tail.
01:09:37.000A dog biting its tail is the perfect analogy just rolling down the hill.
01:09:40.000That would be you sucking your own dick and fucking yourself in the ass in a giant circle.
01:09:48.000It goes on in billions and billions of light years.
01:09:51.000It's like a huge swirling galaxy of a zillion trillion Brians sucking their own dick and boning themselves in the ass in a giant circle of impossible reality.
01:10:02.000Hey, that's not any more impossible to believe than a galaxy itself.
01:10:07.000No, there's no way a guy could be sucking his own dick and fucking himself in the ass flying around a star, but huge gigantic balls of gas and or water and or rock.
01:10:32.000A whole universe filled with a spiral of Brians, a trillion light years long, all boning themselves, is less than half as spectacular as a real supernova.
01:12:24.000I know that I did the dolving experience at Atlantis last year, and they don't even want you to pet them around their bullet holes, so you better be careful.
01:14:43.000And you probably just led to this disinformation campaign because you've been talking about it on stage for several weeks now without ever Googling it even once.
01:14:52.000Without ever since they're saying the exact opposite, but I believe you because I am also seeing more what you're saying thanks to that.
01:14:58.000Well, look at the websites that are saying that they are in their ass.
01:15:34.000There's a bunch of people that have businesses that are set up just around getting people to their websites and getting people to, so they'll make shit up.
01:15:43.000Sorry, I didn't think people would lie about dolphins.
01:15:46.000They took it more seriously, you know?
01:15:48.000You didn't think people would lie about them, but you did think that you would like to sneak up behind one and ask one if you could fuck it.
01:22:12.000I think these crazy fucks and the Hadron Collider people, they're doing some nutty things, man.
01:22:18.000They're going to be able to figure out 3D.
01:22:20.0003D is going to be, I think eventually it's going to be everyone's going to have, instead of a television, you're just going to have like one of those help me Obi-Wan, you're my only hope, one of those little things that she's stuck on R2D to.
01:22:29.000And you're going to sit that bitch down and step back and it's going to make a show for you right in front of you.
01:22:33.000And everyone's going to be doing it everywhere, too.
01:22:35.000You're going to be like in the parking lot, there's going to be like people are going to throw advertisements in front of you and you're like, get that fucking thing out of here.
01:22:40.000You know, I don't want to see this hologram thing.
01:22:42.000Yeah, you're going to be walking down the street and you're going to watch like see-through people have sword fights right in front of you.
01:23:32.000There'd be like a smoke that you throw on the ground that like blocks the hologram or something.
01:23:35.000Well, it makes me wonder, like, is there, like, the internet is the only place that we've ever had in our whole life where there's no censorship.
01:23:42.000The internet is just, it's the wild west and it's free.
01:23:46.000How much of your life do you spend on the internet?
01:24:57.000Should there be any restrictions whatsoever?
01:24:59.000And if there weren't, if you look at the way people have sort of learned how to express themselves on the internet, I think the internet went through like a real bad time.
01:25:07.000And now I think it's slowly starting to level out where people are less and less tolerant of assholes, less and less tolerant of trolls, less and less.
01:25:16.000That dude that got busted that was on Reddit, you know, about that story with a guy.
01:25:20.000He was doing a lot of creepy shit online, like, because that's what got him off, like, posting fucked up pictures and saying fucked up things about things.
01:25:28.000And these people found out who he was in real life, and they contacted his employer, and he got fired for operating under a pseudonym online, under a completely different name than his own, not representing their company in any way, shape, or form.
01:25:42.000But because they established that it was him, they went after him and decided that his actions and the way he was behaving outside during his own free time, they could fire him for that, regardless of how well he performed at work, which is really weird.
01:25:58.000It sends a message that, well, no, we're more concerned with humanity than we are with this idea that you have these irrefutable rights.
01:26:08.000Like, yes, you have irrefutable rights, but if you're posting pictures of dead kids online, you might be a piece of shit, and I might not want you to have anything to do with my life.
01:26:19.000And just because we work together, like, I should be able to remove that.
01:27:08.000And I think this is a total, it's such a totally new experience that I think human beings, our culture and I think all cultures in general, went into this completely ignorant to the repercussions of it, completely ignorant to how it was going to operate and what the effects of human beings and human instincts are going to be when confronted with this completely non-human scenario.
01:27:32.000The ability to communicate with people who don't know who you are and not just communicate, like yell something out from a hill, but write detailed shit about them, you know, and send some mean, you know, angry letter to them.
01:27:45.000And you could do that in this burst and not have anything come back to you.
01:27:49.000And because of that, because people have this unique ability to reach people like that, it presented this thing that hadn't been resolved yet in the human body and in the human culture.
01:27:59.000And like, you know, our ways of resolving conflicts one-on-one have been pretty clearly established.
01:28:05.000You know, the way people should and shouldn't treat each other.
01:28:08.000You know, love your brother and all that shit.
01:28:10.000It's all like the idea is, look, this is the best way to operate a world.
01:28:14.000We have to figure out how to resolve these conflicts when they appear.
01:28:17.000Well, these conflicts had never appeared before.
01:28:19.000They literally didn't exist until our generation.
01:28:22.000And that's something that is escaping a lot of people.
01:28:24.000A lot of people are not, they haven't really truly wrapped their heads on the insanity that is the internet and what it's done to human culture.
01:28:31.000But I think we've sort of wobbled it and have got a way better handle on it now.
01:28:36.000And I think that you see way less and less douchey shit, way less and less people that just want to be assholes.
01:30:01.000But then there's a lot of people that have barely a high school diploma and they're sharp as fuck.
01:30:05.000Well, you know, it's interesting you just said that there was a kid online that didn't graduate high school, yet he made millions of dollars playing poker.
01:30:11.000Quentin Tarantino didn't graduate high school.
01:30:26.000I did three years at UMass Boston, and the only reason I did it was because I didn't want people thinking I was a loser.
01:30:32.000I didn't even come close to graduating.
01:30:34.000I had a lot of shit that I, like, if I wanted to, like, first of all, I was taking like elective courses.
01:30:38.000I was taking whatever courses I wanted to because it was on like, they have a thing, like they had, like, different programs for people that had jobs.
01:30:46.000You know, I forget what they call it, adult education or something.
01:30:49.000Yeah, because I took like a year off and then I started doing this, and I was barely paying attention.
01:30:53.000I was barely, you know, I've learned way more through documentaries than I did for those three years of showing up at this building to wonder what the fuck I'm doing with my life.
01:31:02.000I was just talking about this the other day.
01:31:04.000I was like, are colleges necessary anymore?
01:31:06.000I mean, you could take your iPhone and figure out everything you need to figure out about, you know, French or Spanish or anything you want to learn.
01:31:27.000Well, I could, but when I had graduated high school, some of my competitive taekwondo days.
01:31:32.000So from 18 through 21 was like my most competitive days, like when I was completely dedicated to it.
01:31:38.000And the idea of me going somewhere else to go to school was like, there's no way, I couldn't, I had a really good instructor and a really good team.
01:32:12.000But the idea that I was just trying to find some other path in life and figure out what I wanted to do, like, is terrifying to say to someone because all I heard out of my own mouth was, oh, I'm a fucking loser.
01:32:49.000But not only that, you can do it all day, every day, wherever you are.
01:32:52.000The crazy thing about online, especially if you've got a big phone, like one of those tablet phones or something like that, you could fucking read like websites and books.
01:33:04.000As long as you have a signal that can come to you, you have access to pretty much every question that's ever been asked.
01:33:10.000If not the answer, a slew of different competing answers that you might not even get, especially if you go to like Brigham Young University and meet up with the Mormon.
01:34:38.000And you could figure out if you could ask, like, dad, what does collaborate mean?
01:34:42.000You know, like, there's a few of those you'd have to throw out there.
01:34:44.000But basically, you could get a pretty good idea of why you shouldn't pay attention to these crazy fucks, because every one of their story, they swear by, and every one of their stories is different than everybody else's fucking story.
01:34:54.000You know, it's funny, my friend Stephanie, she posted on her Facebook the other day a picture of two people with reading, you know, Bibles, different, you know, beliefs, and it said, oh, yours is filled with BS too.
01:35:07.000And she got someone from Saudi Arabia that just went nuts on her for, you know, and just defended his beliefs blindly.
01:35:17.000I used to do a whole bit about how Israelis and Palestinians, the Arabs and the Israelis are constantly at war, but they look so similar to each other.
01:35:27.000And that was because they were sneaking over and getting forbidden sex.
01:35:31.000And they were having angry, like, you know, angry opposing religion sex.
01:35:39.000Did you see that episode of Kirby Enthusiasm where Larry David takes back Palestinian lady from a chicken joint that he's not supposed to go to?
01:35:50.000Well, he's, wait a minute, he's single now?
01:40:44.000We obviously have a detachment based on the fact that it's like an out-of-sight, out-of-mind thing with a little tiny ant, and you crush it.
01:40:51.000But the other thing is that there's so many of them, it's hard to give a fuck about them.
01:43:17.000This one's just called super ant, and you can buy it for $34, and it's just extracted ants, and they're wildly used in Asia to promote strength, sexual vigor.
01:45:26.000You're like, holy shit, this is powerful garlic.
01:45:29.000Or like the way a tomato tastes, like a beefsteak tomato from someone's backyard versus one of those pale tomatoes.
01:45:35.000I think you get that same sort of shit with a lot of these herbal supplements.
01:45:40.000I bet if you could get that stuff like from the plant instead of like some ground up powdered bullshit, I bet if you could get like tribulus.
01:46:19.000You shouldn't take Viagra in ecstasy or any of this stuff because if it has any kind of the Viagra or slot, you're not supposed to take that with ecstasy.
01:48:58.000It even says on the commercials, boner is made last up to three days.
01:49:01.000Well, that disease, though, that priapism, which is the technical term, that can kill your dick just like the Brazilian wandering spider can kill your dick.
01:49:14.000Well, if you can OD on Viagra, like, say, what if there's a chick and you're dying to have sex with her and you think tonight is the night, but you're so scared that you're afraid that you're never going to be able to get it up because you're just going to be in a panic.
01:49:25.000I'm going to take six Viagra just in case.
01:49:56.000And you start to slowly see little splits in the seams.
01:49:59.000We have thin red lines around your cock in various places because the skin is fucking bursting like a stretch mark in a fat lady's stomach after she has three kids inside of it.
01:50:10.000And they pop out triplets and then her skin has to go back to normal.
01:50:14.000That kind of stretched out, crazy scar tissue where your dick is just barely holding on like a fucking balloon that's being pushed to the limit.
01:50:27.000Matt just got up and went to take a leak.
01:50:34.000I guarantee you all right now imagine you on Viagra and you are fucking peaking on ecstasy, and you have this crazy rock hard boner, and you're in a waterbed with this guy.
01:50:46.000Those two medications might cause you to just forget that.
01:53:55.000And by the way, this position that this thing is, I didn't ask him to do this, but what's hilarious is that this is exactly the reason I got this tattoo is because I had this crazy DMT trip that really like made me reassess reality, made me reassess my life.
01:54:13.000And one of the most humbling aspects of the trip, there was an infinite series of these golden Buddhas that was flying in front of me and trying to explain like positive energy and life to me.
01:54:44.000DMT has this very intense like almost like a 2D sort of a thing that happens sometimes where everything sort of seems connected on one plane, but then you realize that it's just this crazy sort of fractal thing going on.
01:55:00.000And when that was happening in that trip, this is what I saw.
01:55:03.000I saw these things just like everywhere.
01:56:38.000You probably don't listen to me, but I do.
01:56:40.000Yeah, if I'm doing like a UFC, first of all, UFCs, there's a lot that's going on when you're watching a fight, and especially when it comes to describing ground positions, it's really hard to coordinate your thoughts.
01:56:53.000Like, okay, he's got his right foot in this position.
01:56:55.000Now, what he's got to do to finish this off is he's got to turn his, and then I'm like, He's got to get his left foot underneath his right knee.
01:57:03.000And then, like, and I have to get this all done.
01:57:05.000I have to get it all out in a way that people are going to be able to understand while the fight is actually happening.
01:58:10.000I mean, that's why you can only take, like, in certain, I think in the Olympics, and I think even in the Nevada State Athletic Commission, they have a limit to how much caffeine a fighter can have in their system.
01:58:19.000Yeah, Chale Sunnin actually set us hip to that because he does it in a pill form to make sure that he never takes more than you're supposed to because you could get like Starbucks, like this one, like be a venti.
01:58:31.000If you have a Starbucks Venti and you compare that to like coffee that you're going to get at Jerry's Deli, this is a big difference.
01:58:39.000I mean, it might be just different, you know, put more or less in there.
01:58:42.000Yeah, the Starbucks ones have insane amounts of caffeine.
01:58:46.000So it might be possible to actually like piss hot for caffeine if you drank like a bunch of if you drink, I wonder how many you would have to drink, like how many ventis.
01:58:56.000I bet you could only drink like a couple before you die.
01:59:00.000No, there's dudes who could drink that shit all day.
01:59:04.000Dave Foley got to the point where he was drinking so much coffee a day that he had to drink it black because he was drinking several quarts of half and half a day.
02:00:05.000Like, we got to retreat and figure out what we're going to tell people before we come back.
02:00:08.000I bet Starbucks, not only would they not test it, they should find out what equipment is used to test caffeine levels and buy them all out and burn them.
02:01:59.000B12 is just a good all-around energy supplement.
02:02:02.000It's so good that people that work crazy hours, video games, sometimes like those guys that are forced to work like 16-hour days, like many days in a row when they're trying to complete people on sets, they give them B12 shots.
02:02:28.000Because Starbucks, I mean, although it is delicious and I'm drinking some right now, there's a lot of fucking caffeine in that bitch.
02:02:34.000A Venti Starbucks brewed coffee, a regular cup of coffee that you would get at a diner, the average cup of coffee, an eight-ounce cup of coffee, has 180 milligrams of caffeine.
02:02:45.000A Venti Starbucks has 415 as tested in this test.
02:02:51.000So I don't know if, you know, this test, who knows?
02:02:55.000I mean, it might have been one really strong batch.
02:02:57.000I don't know how many batches they tested.
02:02:59.000I don't know if this guy just made all these numbers up and put it on his websites, which is very possible.
02:03:04.000Starbucks should sell a caffeine-free decaffeinated coffee that they add B12 to.
02:03:10.000Well, one of the things, that is a good idea.
02:03:12.000One of the things that you have to remember, if you say decaffeinated, decaf coffee has caffeine.
02:05:56.000But if you're sensitive to caffeine and you drink quite a few of those, you've got to think 5, 10, 15, 20.
02:06:02.000Now you're starting to get to a point where you might feel it.
02:06:04.000But as opposed to like 100, which is like a regular cup of coffee or more.
02:06:07.000So to a point, it is broken, the online poker, because you could pretty much just gang up on people.
02:06:13.000So like a single noob person sitting there, you could just pretty much play all the other characters, fucking rule the game.
02:06:19.000Yeah, so the problem is with cash games and with smaller tournaments, when you get bigger tournaments that have 10,000 players in them, it's not such a big deal.
02:06:27.000But yeah, there's definitely some cheating going on.
02:06:29.000And I've had multiple times where I'm like, there's something fishy going on here.
02:06:37.000They can beat like low stakes, but when you get people that recognize patterns, good players that recognize patterns, they're going to know you're a bot and just take advantage of it.
02:06:46.000But when you're, I heard this has been done.
02:06:49.000I don't know if it's still being done, but that say if you would go into a room and it was like a six-person table, like they're allowed to have artificial people.
02:06:58.000They're allowed to have, like, they could run a bot that's playing you.
02:07:37.000Like, are you allowed to have a poker game with a bunch of your friends and you have like stacks of hundreds on the table and you're getting crazy and drinking?
02:08:09.000That's another reason why they made it illegal here, is because the taxes were just, they were not being paid by a lot of people because it's based offshore.
02:08:17.000It was based in Ireland, England, and Costa Rica.
02:08:33.000They're not getting revenue because the sites are based offshore.
02:08:36.000So they're only getting revenue when people pay their taxes.
02:08:39.000Well, why don't they just allow people to have sites onshore and then make the money from that and then say, yeah, and then say if you have an offshore one, you have to pay taxes on it or we'll get you.
02:08:48.000Listen, there's a lot of things in this world that just don't make any sense.
02:09:30.000Have you ever seen any crazy shit living in Mexico?
02:09:32.000Have you seen some things that have made you go, oh, okay, we're not in Kansas anymore?
02:09:35.000Yeah, one of the first days I was there, I went for a run on the beach, and there's like a cliff, and it's kind of secluded on one end, and there were two people just banging it out right there.
02:10:45.000And not only that, but now there's millions and millions of dollars that the DOJ has seized from full-tilt poker that's just sitting there.
02:13:19.000He had like this whole thing that he was doing where he was having these guys like fight on the beach and this beautiful resort in Costa Rica or something like that.
02:19:23.000You should be able to have the option, though, to either have the Google car or not.
02:19:27.000Like, being able to almost ride a train, like, I just want to think it'd be fun for long trips, like five-hour drives, to just sit there with your iPad and watch a movie.
02:19:34.000Well, it would suck because you wouldn't be able to avoid all the other crazy assholes that didn't have Google cars cutting you off, fucking switching lanes and shit and making you hit the brakes.
02:19:43.000You'd probably be sitting there with no seatbelt, too.
02:19:46.000I wonder if they ever figure out that there's accidents that are caused by the Google car that would, or cause because the Google car couldn't respond as quickly or as precisely as a person could.
02:20:35.000They had one in, when I went to Vegas to get my car serviced, they had one in the showroom, and I was just like, took a half a million dollars.
02:20:42.000Yeah, I think they stopped making them, though.
02:20:50.000It's super duper expensive, but it was just weird that it was like, performance-wise, it wasn't really much better than Nissan GTR, if better at all.
02:20:58.000You actually saw something where they raced those two, I think.
02:21:32.000There's a big difference between a Ferrari and like just if you're going to buy a Ferrari, you're going to buy something that's made by craftsmen.
02:21:42.000Like the leather stitching and the dash is done by hand.
02:21:45.000The car's engines pieced together by a bunch of specialists.
02:21:48.000They all do it in this gigantic, beautiful, clean warehouse where they eat espresso at lunch and take two-hour naps.
02:21:55.000And these are like artists, and they put together these machines that are, they're not just beautiful and not just like perfect engineering, but they're can constructed.
02:22:05.000Like there's just like a feeling to them.
02:22:06.000Like if you're into watches and you pick up like a Rolex and feel the automatic timer and know that someone like put all that shit together, there's something to mechanical things that are created by the human hand that makes them like really special to us.
02:22:20.000And you don't really get that with a GTR.
02:22:21.000You do, I mean, it is designed by man and put together, but what you get is like this feeling of this crazy technological marvel.
02:22:28.000Like you get in it and you feel like, you know, the lights come on, the engine revs up, you hear the turbines, like, whoa, like this is a fucking spaceship.
02:22:37.000This thing is some crazy piece of the most advanced automobile technology available.
02:22:42.000But it doesn't feel like an old Ferrari.
02:22:45.000Like if you, you know, start it up and you hear the and you realize some Italian dudes built this thing and stitched these seats together by hand.
02:22:54.000You know, and you're pulling the seatbelt.
02:22:57.000You know, you feel that leather steering wheel and like everything's mechanical.
02:23:03.000You're moving the shifter and hearing the clickety clack.
02:23:05.000There's something about like man-created things that, in my opinion, is like, it's like art in a physical form that's functional and that you use.
02:23:16.000Whenever someone tells me, like, oh, I don't even like cars, you know, cars are stupid.
02:23:21.000To me, a car just gets you where you want to go.
02:23:23.000Okay, have you ever driven a Shelby Mustang?
02:23:25.000Do you even know what the fuck you're talking about?
02:23:28.000You don't like that feeling when you hit the gas and you hear and you feel those fucking tires squeaking a little bit because they're trying to get some traction because there's so much fucking horsepower?
02:24:24.000So a clutch is kind of stupid in the long run, but there's that mechanical feeling again, the thing of shifting your own gears and turning your own steering wheel.
02:24:33.000There's like a thrill to that that like we it feels good.
02:24:36.000It's not even about speeding, you know?
02:24:38.000Like have you ever driven one of those like really old Porsches?
02:24:41.000That's like 1970s, like 69, 70, 71, those really tiny little mechanical things.
02:25:25.000Yeah, when you find out about traction control and stability control, and like they literally are going around a corner, if one wheel starts spinning, they'll apply brakes to it and like only break one wheel and turn the car this way to try to balance it out.
02:25:43.000Like all the guys who review it, they'll joke around about taking it on a racetrack and just trying to throw it into the corners.
02:25:50.000And a car just figures out how to do it and corrects itself, which is really smart.
02:25:54.000You don't want some asshole on some 1970 Porcho that's going to fucking kick out sideways on him every time he goes around a corner and gives it the gas.
02:29:14.000I actually Googled it, and it's called, they call it fecal microbiota transplantation, also known as a stool transplant.
02:29:22.000It's a process of transporting fecal bacteria from a healthy individual into a recipient as a treatment for patients suffering from CDI, which produces effects ranging from diarrhea to pseudomembraneous colitis.
02:30:17.000And they're starting to understand that it affects mood, it affects behavior, it affects so much, and it wards off diseases and it improves your immune system.
02:30:27.000And actually, some bacteria aggressively fights off colds, and it aggressively fights off when you come into contact with certain different nasty things that it can actually battle.
02:30:42.000Don't viruses just mutate and come back stronger, though?
02:30:45.000Well, they can if you don't take your fucking men's true.
02:30:47.000If you don't do all 10 days, if you're one of those bitches like Doug Stanhope, who openly admitted on the podcast that he contributed to the creation of a super AIDS by not taking his fucking full Z-PAC.
02:31:05.000So if somebody tries to tell you that, that your shit is so good that you took it out and put it in someone's body and it healed them, you know, the guy might not be lying.
02:31:15.000It sounds like he'd be a bullshit artist.
02:34:55.000So like, and then I made six grand back, and I went to Vegas, and I made some money, but I was like trying to be that cool guy going to clubs and spending all this money.
02:35:40.000And with poker, it's like much like with a lot of other disciplines, there's so much you can learn that it becomes really exciting.
02:35:47.000Like the more effort and focus you put on it, the more you read about it, the more you improve and you see that improvement, it's very stimulating, you know?
02:35:56.000And the great thing about poker that I love is it's Always new things.
02:36:04.000And that's why I love it because it keeps me learning new things every day and growing as a poker player, you know, as a person, all that stuff.
02:36:12.000Well, it seems like it would be a fun way to make a living, too, as long as you're actually successful.
02:36:17.000But that one year, you said you had like one year that you weren't.
02:41:22.000Even though you're paying them the taxes on that.
02:41:25.000You want to hear the worst part of it is that, well, finally, they just remedy this, but for a bunch of years, you couldn't carry over losses.
02:42:56.000Just make different programs based on different guys and how to just play it by ear and try to figure out what you can do to fix them?
02:43:05.000Yeah, I mean, well, the thing is, like I said, it differs so much from person to person.
02:43:08.000So you can have kind of an idea of where you're going, but how you get there is going to be different based on everybody else and what's going on in their head.
02:43:37.000Without a doubt, I think it's so important for people to hear that people like you are doing that too.
02:43:42.000Because so many people think that life is just this sort of mundane series of events that you've been thrown into, and there's no way to get out of it, and you're going to be stuck doing something along these lines for the rest of your life.
02:43:56.000And I know it sounds corny, but one day I literally woke up and said, you know what, I want to work with MMA fighters, and I took action.
02:44:03.000That's the one thing I think that most people are lacking.
02:44:06.000They can think of great things they want to do, but as far as action goes, there really isn't.
02:44:10.000A lot of people are waiting for someone else to come along and help them.
02:44:14.000That's why one of the most annoying things, I bet you must get this, is people that have requests for you to help them, like start a business, or requests for you to help them.
02:45:14.000It's very important, though, dude, to have guys like you to have a conversation with someone who's living a life that seems like a crazy life.
02:45:22.000Like, you know, like, wow, how'd that guy figure that out?
02:46:47.000Yeah, you certainly can't do it with a large group of people, but I definitely try to take like three or four people under my wing, you know, at a time.
02:46:56.000I've been life coach so much this week.
02:46:58.000I'm sore I can't even say and with that gem ladies and gentlemen thanks once again everybody who bought my special my comedy special online if you go to joerogan.net live from the tabernacle I couldn't come up with another name I was trying to figure out what another name would be but it just never came to me and I didn't think it was important so it's live from the tabernacle because I filmed it at the tabernacle theater in Atlanta Georgia and I think if you play this music it
02:47:28.000distracts me and it makes me confused.
02:47:50.000Louis, I think, really sort of changed the entire way that comedians are going to be distributing their shows in the future to self-promote it and self-fund it and that's what I did.
02:48:00.000I paid for the entire filming of it all.
02:48:02.000Hired a real director and my friend Anthony and his big company Positive Image Video to do a great professional job on it.
02:48:16.000It's an awesome time to be a comedian.
02:48:18.000I'm in my replenishing material phase right now, so it's really exciting.
02:48:24.000I'm doing a lot of sets and having so much fun coming up with new shit, but the feedback's been amazing.
02:48:29.000It's been the most positive feedback of anything I've ever done online ever.
02:48:34.000So I just want to thank you guys and thanks to everybody that sends all the cool tweets and the Facebook messages and all that shit.
02:48:41.000I appreciate the fuck out of all of it.
02:48:43.000I can't thank everybody individually one at a time, but we know that you guys are enjoying the show.
02:48:49.000We know that you guys are enjoying the stand-up shows and all the other shit that we do and we're very happy And we're going to keep doing it.